^J^wmfat- 
 
 <7 
 
 University of California Berkeley 
 
 The Theodore H. Koundakjian 
 
 Collection 
 of American Humor 
 

PHILADELPHIA: 
 
 T..B. PETERSON & BROTHERS 
 306 CHESTNUT STREET. 
 
 IPIRICIEi 
 
 E11H.VN 1'KS. 
 
flartt). 
 
 otbn 
 
 PHILADELPHIA: 
 
 T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS; 
 306 CHESTNUT STREET. 
 
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the jear 1868, by 
 CHARLES G. LELAND, 
 
 in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States, in and 
 for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania. 
 
(CHARLES ASTOR BRISTED.) 
 
 feoH gsfoibnuf 
 60m 
 
si milji stlwna tttmm tt pmsianti torpor* lubsla: 
 )aec sola jest mea Psa nuoque ngierit in P^rp, 
 UU mt ergtbo ipsum nte^qut tlli abslatfo gchubba, 
 me e^wnsawlas aufridjto 0pfroque ^sc^nha, 
 ie jeiiam afomga Iubr0s jet carmina snibo." 
 
 Kapaodia Andra, Leipzig, 17 th century. 
 
 (4) 
 
Hans Breitmann's Party. 
 
 HANS BREITMANN gife a barty, 
 Dey had biano-blayin 
 I felled in lofe mit a Merican frau, 
 Her name vas Madilda Yane. 
 She hat haar as prown ash a pretzel, 
 
 Her eyes vas himmel-plue, 
 Und ven dey looket indo mine, 
 Dey shplit mine heart in two. 
 
 Hans Breitmann gife a barty, 
 
 I vent dere you'll pe pound. 
 I valtzet mit Madilda Yane 
 
 Und vent shpinnen round und round. 
 De pootiest Fraeulein in de House, 
 
 She vayed 'pout dwo hoondred pound, 
 Und efery dime she gife a shoomp 
 
 She make de vindows sound. 
 
 Hans Breitmann gife a barty, 
 
 I dells you it cost him dear. 
 Dey rolled in more ash sefen kecks 
 
 Of foost-rate Lager Beer. 
 Und venefer dey knocks de shpicket in 
 
 De Deutschers gifes a cheer. 
 I dinks dat so vine a barty, 
 
 Nefer coom to a het dis year. 
 
 (5) 
 
6 
 
 Hans Breitmann gife a barty ; 
 
 Dere all vas Souse und Brouse, 
 Ven de sooper corned in, de gompany 
 
 Did make demselfs to house ; 
 Dey ate das Brot and Gensy broost, 
 
 De Bratwurst and Braten fine, 
 Und vash der Abendessen down 
 
 Mit four parrels of Neckarwein. 
 
 Hans Breitmann gife a barty, 
 
 We all cot troonk ash bigs. 
 I poot mine mout to a parrel of bier 
 
 Und emptied it oop mit a schwigs. 
 Und denn I gissed Madilda Yane 
 
 Und she shlog me on de kop, 
 Und de gompany fited mit daple-lecks 
 
 Dill de coonsh table made oos shtop. 
 
 Hans Breitmann gife a barty 
 
 Where ish dat barty now ! 
 Where ish de lofely golden cloud 
 
 Dat float on de moundain's prow ? 
 Where ish de himmelstrahlende Stern- 
 
 De shtar of de shpirit's light ? 
 All goned afay mit de Lager Beer 
 
 Afay in de ewigkeit ! 
 
Breitmann in Battle. 
 
 tt ansfujjrm JUreifum tt Jilting bigmim 
 jpofum *rja0m lobmn." 
 
 LER FADER TOD PER SON, 
 
 I dinks I'll go a fitin outspoke der Breitemann, 
 " It's eighdeen hoonderd fordy eight since I kits 
 swordt in hand ; 
 
 Dese fourdeen years mit Hecker all roostin I haf been, 
 Boot now I kicks der Teufel oop and goes for 
 sailin in." 
 
 " If you go land out-ridin," said Caspar Pickletongue, 
 " Foost ding you knows you cooms across some repels 
 
 prave and young. 
 Away down Sout' in Tixey, dey'll split you like a 
 
 clam" 
 " For dat," spoke out der Breitmann, " I doos not 
 
 gare one tarn !" 
 
 Who der Teufel pe's de repels und vhere dey kits deir 
 
 If dey make a run on Breitmann he'll soon let out de 
 
 gas; 
 
 I'll shplit dem like kartoffels : I'll slog em on de kop ; 
 I'll set de plackguarts roonin so dey don't know vhere 
 
 to shtop." 
 
8 
 
 Und den outshpoke der Breitmann, mit his schlaeger py 
 
 his side : 
 " Forvarts, my pully landsmen ! it's dime to run und 
 
 ride; 
 
 Will riden, will fighten der Copitain I'll pe, [rie !" 
 It's sporn und horn und saddle now all in de Cavall- 
 
 Und ash dey rode troo Winchester, so herrlich to pe 
 
 seen, 
 
 Dere coomed some repel cavallrie a riden on de creen ; 
 Mit a sassy repel Dootchman an colonel in gommand : 
 Says he, u Vot Teufel makes you here in dis mein 
 
 Faderland ? 
 
 " You're dressed oop like a shentleman mit your plack- 
 
 guard Yankee crew, 
 
 You mudsills and meganics ! Der Teufel put you troo ! 
 Old Yank you ought to shtay at home und dake your 
 
 liddle horn, 
 Mit some oldt voomans for a noorse" der Breitmann 
 
 laugh mit shkorn. 
 
 " Und should I trink mein lager-bier und roost mine 
 self to home ? [thoom : 
 
 Ife got too many dings like you to mash beneat' my 
 
 In many a fray und fierce foray dis Deutschman will be 
 feared [his peard." 
 
 Pefore he stops dis vightin trade 'twas dere he greyed 
 
" I pools dat peard out by de roots I gifes him sooch 
 a dwist [tionist ! 
 
 Dill all de plood roons out, you tamned old Apoli- 
 
 Your creenpacks mit your swordt und watch right ofer 
 you moost shell, [h-11 !" 
 
 Und den you goes to Libby straight und after dat to 
 
 " Mein creenpacks und mein schlaeger, I kits 'em in 
 New York, [talk ;" 
 
 To gife dem up to Greenhorns, young man, is not de 
 
 De heroes shtopped deir sassin' here und grossed deir 
 sabres dwice, 
 
 Und de vay dese Deutschers vent to vork vos von pig 
 ding on ice. 
 
 Der younger fetch de older such a gottallmachty smack 
 Der Breitmann dinks he really hears his skool go shplit 
 
 und crack ; 
 Der repel choomps dwelfe paces back, und so he safe 
 
 his life : 
 Der Breitmann says: "I guess dem choomps you 
 
 learns dem of your vife." 
 
 " If I should learn of vomans I dinks it vere a shame, 
 Bei Gott I am a shentleman, aristograt, and game. 
 My fader vos anoder I lose him fery young 
 Ter teufel take your soul ! Coom on ! I'll split your 
 waggin' tongue !" 
 
10 
 
 A Yankee drick der Breitmann dried dat oldt gray- 
 pearded man [he ran. 
 
 For ash the repel raised his swordt, ben eat' dat sword t 
 
 All roundt der shlim yoong repel's waist his arms oldt 
 Breitmann pound, 
 
 Und shlinged him down oopon his pack und laidt him 
 on der ground. 
 
 " Who rubs against olt kittle-pots may keep vite if he 
 can, [man ? 
 
 Say vot you dinks of vightin now mit dis old shentle- 
 
 Your dime is oop; you got to die, und I your breest 
 vill pe ; 
 
 Peliev'st dou in Moral Ideas ? If so I lets you free." 
 
 " I don't know nix apout Ideas no more dan pout 
 
 Saint Paul. 
 
 Since I peen down in Tixey I kits no books at all ; 
 I'm greener ash de clofer-grass ; I'm shtupid as a 
 
 shpoon ; 
 I'm ignoranter ash de nigs for dey takes de Tribune. 
 
 ;' Mein fader's name vas Breitmann, I heard mein mut 
 ter say, 
 
 She 'read de bapers dat he died after she rooned afay ; 
 Dey say he leaf some broperty berhaps 'twas all a 
 
 sell 
 If I could lay mein hands on it I likes it mighty well." 
 
11 
 
 " Und vas dy fader Breitmann ? Bist du his kit und kin ? 
 Denn knowdat ichdcr Breitmann dein lieber Vater bin?" 
 Der Breitmann poolled his hand-shoe off und shocked 
 
 him py de hand ; 
 " Ye'll hafe some trinks on strengt of dis or else may 
 
 I pe tam'd !" 
 
 " Oh ! fader, how I shlog your kop," der younger 
 
 Breitmann said ; 
 " I'd den dimes sooner had it coom right down on mine 
 
 own headt !" 
 " Oh, never mind dat soon dry oop I shticks him mit 
 
 a blaster ; [der." 
 
 If I had shplit you like a fish, dat vere an vorse tisas- 
 
 Dis fight did last all afternoon woJil to de fesper tide, 
 Und droo de streeds of Vinchesder, der Breitmann he 
 
 did ride. [tory ! 
 
 Vot vears der Breitmann on his hat ? De ploom of fie- 
 Who's dat aridin' pyhis side ? " Dis here's mein son/' 
 
 says he. 
 
 How stately rode der Breitmann oop ! how lordly h( 
 kit down ? [prown \ 
 
 How glorious from de great pokal he drink de bier so 
 
 But der Yunger bick der parrel oop und schwig him 
 all at one. [mein son !' ' 
 
 " Bei Gott ! dat settles all dis dings I know dou art 
 
12 
 
 Der one has got a fader ; de oder found a child. 
 
 Bofe ride oopon one war-path now in pattle fierce und 
 wild. 
 
 It makes so glad our hearts to hear dat dey did so suc 
 ceed 
 
 Und damit hat sein' Ende DES JUNGEN BREITMANN 's 
 LIED. 
 
 Breitmann in Maryland. 
 
 DER Breitmann mit his gompany, 
 Kode out in Marylandt. 
 " Dere's nichts to trink in dis countrie ; 
 Mine treat's as dry as sand. 
 It's light canteen und haversack, 
 It's hoonger mixed mit doorst ; 
 Und if we had some lager-bier 
 I'd trink oontil I boorst. 
 
 Gling, glang, gloria ! 
 We'd trink oontil we boorst. 
 
13 
 
 u Herr Leut'nant, take a dozen men, 
 
 Und ride dis land around ! 
 Herr Feldwebel, go foragin' 
 
 Dill somedings goot is found. 
 Gotts-doonder ! men, go ploonder ! 
 
 We hafn't trinked a bit 
 Dis fourdeen hours ! If I had bier 
 
 I'd sauf oontil I shplit ! 
 Gling, glang, gloria ! 
 
 We'd sauf oontil we shplit !" 
 
 At mitternacht a horse's hoofs 
 
 Coom rattlin' troo de camp ; 
 " Rouse dere ! coom rouse der house dere ! 
 
 Herr Copitain we moost tromp ! 
 De scouds have found a repel town, 
 
 Mit repel davern near, 
 A repel keller in de cround, 
 
 Mit repel lager bier ! ! 
 Gling, glang, gloria ! 
 
 All fool of lager-bier ! 
 
 Gottsdonnerkreuzschockschwerenoth ! 
 
 How Breitmann broked de bush ! 
 " let me see dat lager bier ! 
 
 let me at him rush ! 
 Und is mein sabre sharp und true, 
 Und is mein war-horse goot ? 
 
14 
 
 To get one quart of lager bier 
 I'd shpill a sea of ploot. 
 Gling, glang. gloria ! 
 I'd shpill a sea of ploot. 
 
 " Fuenf hoondcrd repels hold de down, 
 
 One hoonderd strong are we ; 
 Who gares a tarn for all de odds 
 
 Wenn men so dirsty pe." 
 And in dey smashed and down dey crashed, 
 
 Like donder-polts dey fly, 
 Rush fort as der wild yseger cooms 
 
 Mit blitzen troo de shky. 
 Gling, glang, gloria ! 
 
 Like blitzen troo de shky. 
 
 How flewed to rite, how flewd to left 
 
 De moundains, drees unt hedge ; 
 How left und rite de yseger corps 
 
 Went donderin troo de pridge. 
 Und splash und splosh dey ford de shtream 
 
 Where not some pridges pe : 
 All dripplin in de moondlight peam 
 
 Stracks went de cavallrie ! 
 Gling, glang, gloria ! 
 
 Der Breitmann's cavallrie. 
 
15 
 
 Und hoory, hoory on dey rote, 
 
 Oonheedin vet or try ; 
 Und horse und rider shnort und blowed, 
 
 Und shparklin bepples fly. 
 llopp ! ropp ! I shmell de barley-prew ! 
 
 Dere's somedings goot ish near. 
 Ropp ! Ropp ! I scent de kneiperei ; 
 
 We've got to lager bier ! 
 Gling, glang gloria ! 
 
 We've got to lager bier ! 
 
 Hei ! how de carpine pullets klinged 
 
 Oopon de helmets hart ! 
 Oh, Breitmann how dy sabre ringed; 
 
 Du alter Knasterbart ! 
 De contrapands dey sing for choy 
 
 To see de rebs go down, 
 Und hear der Breitmann grimly gry : 
 
 Iloorah ! we've dook de down. 
 Gling, glang, gloria ! 
 Victoria, victoria ! 
 
 De Dootch have dook de down. 
 
 Mid shout and crash and sabre flash, 
 
 And wild husaren shout 
 De Dootchmen boorst de keller in, 
 
 Unt rolled de lager out ; 
 
16 
 
 And in the coorlin powder shmoke, 
 
 While shtill de pullets sung. 
 Dere shtood der Breitmann, axe in hand, 
 A knockin out de boong. 
 Gling, glang, gloria ! 
 Victoria ! Encoria ! 
 De shpicket beats de boong. 
 
 Gotts ! vot a shpree der Breitniann had 
 
 While yet his hand was red, 
 A trinkin lager from his poots 
 
 Among de repel tead. 
 'Twas dus dey went at mitternight 
 
 Along der moundain side ; 
 'Twas dus dey help make history ! 
 Dis was der Breitmann's ride. 
 Gling, glang, gloria ; 
 Victoria ! Victoria ! 
 Cer'visia, encoria ? 
 De treadful mitnight ride 
 Of Breitmann's wild Freischarlinger, 
 All famous, broad, und wide. 
 
Ereitmann as a Bummer. 
 
 DER Sheueral Sherman holts oop on his coorse. 
 He shtops at de gross-road und reins in his horse. 
 " Dere's a ford on de rifer dis day we moost dake, 
 Or elshe de grand army in bieces shall preak !" 
 Ven shoost ash dis vord from his lips had gone bast, 
 
 There cootned a young orterly gallopin fast, 
 Who gry mit amazement: " Here Shen'ral ! Goot Lord ! 
 Dat bummer der Breitmann ish holdin der ford !" 
 
 Der Shen'ral he ootered no hymn und no psalm, 
 
 But opened his lips und he priefly say " D n ! 
 
 Dere moost hafe been viskey on dat side der rifer; 
 
 To get it dose shaps would set hell in a shiver, 
 But now dat dey hold it, ride quick to deir aid : 
 
 Ho Sickles ! move promp'ly, send down a prigade ! 
 Dat Dootchman moost work mighty hard mit his sword 
 
 If againsd a whole army he holds to de ford." 
 
 Dey spoored on, dey hoory'd on, gallopin shtraight, 
 
 But for Breitmann help coomed shust a liddle too late, 
 For ash de Lauwine goes smash mit her pound, 
 
 So on to de Bummers de repels coom down : 
 Heinrich von Schinkenstein's tead in de road, 
 
 Dieterich Hinkelbein's flat ash a toad ; 
 Und Sepperl Tyroler shpoke nefer a vord, 
 
 But shoost "Mutter Gottes !" und died in de ford. 
 (17) 
 
18 
 
 Itsch'l of Innspruck ish drilled troo de hair, 
 
 Einer aus Boeblingen he too vash dere 
 Karli of Karlisruh's shot near de fence, 
 
 (His horse vash o'erloadet mit toorkies und hens,) 
 Und dough he like a ravin mad cannibal fought, 
 
 Yet der Breitmann-der capt'n-der hero vash caught ; 
 Und de last dings ve saw, he was tied mit a cord, 
 
 For de repels had goppled him oop at de ford. 
 
 Dey shtripped off his goat und skyugled his poots, 
 
 Dey dressed him mit rags of a repel recruits ; 
 But von grey-haared oldt veller shmiled crimly und bet 
 
 Dat Breitman vouldt pe a pad egg for dem, yet. 
 " He has more on his pipe as dern vellers allows ; 
 
 He has cardts yet in hand und das Spiel ist nicht a MS, 
 Dey'll find dat dey took in der duyvel to board, 
 
 De day dey pooled Breitmann well ofer de ford." 
 
 In de Bowery each bier-haus mit crape vas oop- done, 
 
 Yen dey read in de bapers dat Breitmann vas gone ; 
 Und de Dootch all cot troonk oopon lager und wein, 
 
 At the great Trauer-fest of de Toorner Yerein 
 Dere vas wein-en mit weinen ven beoples did dink 
 
 Dat Sherman's great Sherman cood nefermore trink. 
 Und in Yilliam Shtreet veepin und vailen vas hoor'd, 
 
 Pecause der Hans Breitmann vas lost at de ford. 
 
SECONDT PAEDT. 
 
 IN dulcejubilo now ve all sings, 
 A-waivin de panners like avery dings. 
 De preeze troo de bine-drees ish cooler und salt, 
 Und der Shen'ral is merry venefer ve halt; 
 Loosty und merry he schmells at de preeze, 
 Lustig und heiter he looks troo de drees, 
 Lustig und heiter ash veil he may pe, 
 
 For Sherman, at last, has marched down to the sea ! 
 
 Dere's a gry from de guart dere's a clotter und dramp, 
 
 Yen dat fery same orterly rides troo de camp, 
 Who report on de ford. Dere ish droples and awe 
 
 In de face of de youf ' apout somedings he saw ; 
 Und he shpeak me in Frsentsch, like he always do : 
 " Look ! [his spook ! 
 
 Sagre pleu ! fentre Tleu ! dere ish Breitmann 
 He ish goming dis way ! Nom de garce ! can it pe 
 
 Dat de spooks of te tead men coom down to de sea !" 
 
 TInd ve looks, und ve sees, und ve tremples mit tread, 
 
 For risin' all swart on de efenin red 
 Vas Johannes der Breitmann der war es, bei Gott ! 
 
 Coom ridin to oos-ward, right shtrait to de shpot ! 
 All mouse-still ve shtood, yet mit oop-shoompin hearts, 
 
 For he look shoost so pig ash de shiant of de Hartz ; 
 Und I heard de Sout Deutschers say "Ave Morie I 
 
 Braise Gott all goot shpirids py land und py sea I" 
 (19) 
 
20 
 
 Boot Itzig of Frankfort he lift oop his nose, 
 
 Und be-mark dat de shpook hat peen changin his 
 
 clothes, 
 For he seemed like an Generalissimus drest 
 
 In a vlamin new coat and magnificent vest. 
 Six bistols beschlagen mit silber he wore, 
 
 Und a gold mounted swordt like an Kaisar he bore, 
 Und ve dinks dat de ghosdt or votever he pe 
 
 Moost hafe proken some panks on his vay to de sea. 
 
 11 Id is he I" " Und er kit noch !" he lifes, ve all say : 
 
 Der Breitmann Oldt Breitmann ! Hans Breit- 
 
 mann ! Herr Je !" 
 Und ve roosh to emprace him, and shtill more ve find 
 
 Dat vherefer he'd peen, he'd left noding pehind. 
 In bofe of his poots dere vas porte-moneys crammed, 
 
 Mit creen-packs stoof full all his haversack jammed, 
 In his bockets cold dollars were shinglin' deir doons 
 
 Mit two doozen votches und four doozen shpoons, 
 Und dwo silber tea-pods for makin' his dea, 
 
 Der ghosdt hafe pring mit him, en route to de sea. 
 
 Mit goot sweed-botatoes, und doorkies, und rice, 
 Ve makes him a sooper of avery dings nice. 
 
 Uud de bummers hoont roundt apout, alle wie ein, 
 Dill dey findt a plantaschion mit parrels of wein. 
 
21 
 
 Den t'vas " here's to you, Breitmann ! Alt Schwcd' 
 
 bist zuruck ? 
 Yot teufels you makes since dis fourteen nights 
 
 week?" " 
 
 Und ve holds von shtupendous und derriple shpree 
 For choy dat der Breitmann has got to de sea. 
 
 But in fain tid ve ashk vhere der Breitmann hat peen, 
 Yot he tid ; vot he pass troo or vot he might seen ? 
 
 Vhere he kits his vine horse, or who gafe him dem 
 woons, 
 
 Und how Brovidence plessed him mit tea-pods und 
 shpoons ? 
 
 For to all of dem queeries he only reblies 
 
 " If you dells me no quesdions, I ashks you no lies !" 
 
 So 'twas glear dat some derriple mysh'dry moost pe 
 Vhere he kits all dat ploonder he prings to de sea. 
 
 Dere ish bapers in Richmond dells derriple lies 
 
 How Sherman's grand armee hafe raise deir sooplies t 
 For ve readt in brindt dat der Sheneral Grant 
 
 Say de bummers hafe only shoost dake Vat dey vant. 
 But 'tis vhispered dat vhile a refolfer'll go round 
 
 Der BREITMANN vill nefer a peggin' be found; 
 Or shtarvin' ash brisner by doonder ! not he, 
 
 Vhile der teufel could help him to ged to de sea. 
 
Breitmann in Kansas. 
 
 VONCE oopon a dimes, goot vhile afder der war 
 vas ofer, der Herr Breitmann vent oud West, 
 drafellin apout like afery dings " circuivit 
 terrain et perambulavit earn," ash der Tyfel said ven 
 dey ask him : " how vash you and how you has peen ?" 
 You efenings he vas drafel mit some ladies und 
 shendlemans, und he shtaid incog nit us. Und dey singed 
 songs, dill py und py one of de ladies say : " Ish any 
 podies here ash know de crate pallad of Hans Breit- 
 mann's Barty ?" Den Hans say : " Ecce Gallus ! I 
 am dat rooster!" Den der Hans dock a trink und a 
 let-bencil und a biece of baper, and goes indo himself 
 a little dimes und denn coomes out again mit dis boem : 
 Hans Breitmann vent to Kansas ; 
 
 He drafel fast und far. 
 He rided shoost drei dousand miles 
 
 All in von rail-roat car. 
 He knowed foost rate how far he goed 
 
 He gounted all de vile. 
 Dere vash shoost one bottle of champagne, 
 
 Dat bopped at efery mile. 
 Hans Breitmann vent to Kansas ; 
 
 I dell you vot my poy. 
 You bet dey hat a pully dimes 
 In crossin Illinoy. 
 (22) 
 
23 
 
 Dey speaked dere speaks to all de folk 
 
 A shtandin in de car ; 
 Den ask dem in to dake a trink, 
 
 Und corned em ganz und gar. 
 
 Hans Breitmann vent to Kansas ; 
 
 By shings ! dey did it prown. 
 Ven he cot into Leafenvort, 
 
 He found himself in town. 
 Dey dined him at de Blanter's House, 
 
 More goot as man could dink; 
 Mit avery dings on eart to eat, 
 
 Und dwice as mooch to trink. 
 
 Hans Breitmann vent to Kansas j 
 
 He vent it on de loud. 
 At Ellsvort, in de prairie land, 
 
 He foundt a pully crowd. 
 He looked for bleedin' Kansas, 
 
 But dat's " blayed out," dey say ; 
 De whisky keg's de only dings 
 
 Dat's bleedin' der to-day. 
 
 Hans Breitmann vent to Kansas, 
 
 To see vot he could hear. 
 He foundt soom Deutschers dat exisdt 
 
 Py makin' lager bier. 
 
Says he: " Wie gelits du Alt Gesell?" 
 
 But no dings could be heard; 
 Dey'd growed so fat in Kansas 
 
 Dat dey couldn't speak a vord. 
 
 Hans Breitmann vent to Kansas ; 
 
 Py shings ! I dell you vot. 
 Von day he met a crisly bear 
 
 Dat rooshed him down, bei Gott ! 
 Boot der Breitmann took und bind der bear, 
 
 Und bleased him fery much 
 For efery vordt der crisly growled 
 
 Vas goot Bavarian Dutch ! 
 
 Hans Breitmann vent to Kansas ! 
 
 By donder dat is so ! 
 He ridet oout upon de plains 
 
 To shase de boofalo. 
 He fired his rifle at the bools, 
 
 Und gallop troo de shmoke, 
 Und shoomp de canyons shoost as if 
 
 Der tyfel vas a choke ! 
 
 It's hey de trail to Santa Fe ; 
 
 It's ho ! agross de plain. 
 It's lope along de Denver road, 
 
 Until we toorn again. 
 
25 
 
 Und de railroad dravel after us 
 
 Apout as quick as" we ; 
 Dis Kansas ish de fastest land 
 
 Ash efer I did see. 
 
 Hans Breitmann vent to Kansas ; 
 
 He have a pully dime ; 
 Bu 'tvas in oldt Missouri 
 
 Dat dey rooshed him up sublime. 
 Dey took him to der Bilot Nob, 
 
 Und all der nobs around ; 
 Dey spreed him und dey tea'd him 
 
 Dill dey roon him to de ground. 
 
 Hans Breitmann vent to Kansas ; 
 
 Troo all dis earthly land, 
 A vorkin out life's mission here 
 
 Soobyectifly und grand. 
 Some beoblesh runs de beautiful, 
 
 Some works philosophic; 
 Der Breitmann solfe de infinide 
 
 Ash von eternal shpree ! 
 
Die Schoene Wittwe, 
 
 (DE POOTY VIDDER.) 
 
 Vot de Yankee Chap sung, 
 
 AT pooty liddle vidder 
 
 Yot we dosh'nt vish to name, 
 Ish still leben on dat liddle shtreet, 
 
 A-doin' shuss de same. 
 De glerks aroundt de gorners 
 
 Somedimes goes round to zee 
 How die tarlin liddle vitchy ees, 
 
 Und ask 'er how she pe. 
 Dey lofes her ver' goot liquoer, 
 
 Dey lofes her liddle shtore; 
 Dey lofes her liddle paby, 
 
 But dey lofes die vidder more. 
 To d?lk mit dat shveet vidder, 
 
 Ven she hands das lager round, 
 Vill make der shap dat does id 
 
 Pe happy, ve'll be pound. 
 Dat ish if ve can veil pelieve 
 
 De glerks vat drinks das peer, 
 Who goes in dere for noding elshe, 
 
 Put simply for to zee her." 
 (26) 
 
27 
 
 How der Breitmann cut him out, 
 
 OH yes I know die wittwe, 
 Mit eyes so prite und proun ! 
 She's de allersehcenste wittwe 
 
 Yot live in dis here town. 
 In her plack silk gown mine grashious ! 
 
 All puttoned to de neck 
 Und a pooty liddle collar, 
 
 Mitout a shpot or shpeck. 
 Ho ! clear de drack you oder fraus 
 
 You cant pegin to shine 
 Ven de lofely vidder ^>oms along 
 
 Dis vidder ash ish mine ! 
 Ho ! clear de drack you Yankee chaps, 
 
 You Englishers und sooch. 
 You cant pegin to coot me out, 
 
 Mit out you dalks in Dootch. 
 Ich hab die schoene wittwe 
 
 Schon lange nit gesehn, 
 Ich sah sie gestern Abend 
 
 Wohl bei dem Counter stehn. 
 Die Wangen rein wie Milch und Blut, 
 
 Die Augen hell und klar. 
 Ich hab sie sechsmal auch gekusst 
 
 Potztausend ! das ist wahr. 
 
Breitmann and the Turners. 
 
 HANS BREITMANN choined de Turners 
 Novemper in dejfall, 
 Und dey gifed a boostin' bender 
 All in de Toorner Hall. 
 Dere coomed de whole Gesangverein 
 
 Mit der Liederlich Aepfel Chor, 
 Und dey blowed on de drooms und stroomed 
 
 on de fifes 
 Till dey couldn't refife no more. 
 
 Hans Breitmann choined de Toorners, 
 
 Dey all set oop some shouts, 
 Dey took'd him into deir Toorner Hall, 
 
 Und poots him*a course of shprouts, 
 Dey poots him on de barrell-hell pars 
 
 Und shtands him oop on his head, 
 Und dey poomps de beer mit an enchine hose 
 
 In his mout' dill he's 'pout half tead ! 
 
 Hans Breitmann choined de Toorners ; 
 
 Dey make shimnastig dricks 
 He stoot on de middle of de floor, 
 
 Und put oop a fifdy-six. 
 Und den he trows it to de roof, 
 
 Und schwig off a tread ful trink : 
 De veight coom toomple pack on his headt, 
 
 Und py shinks ! he didn't vink ! 
 (28) 
 
29 
 
 Hans Breitmann choined de Toorners : 
 
 Mein Gott ! how dey drinked und shwore 
 Dere vas Schwabians und Tyrolers, 
 
 Und Bavarians by de score. 
 Some vellers coomed from de Rheinland, 
 
 Und Frankfort-on-de-Main, 
 Boot dere vas only von Sharman dere, 
 
 Und he vas a Holstein Dane. 
 
 Hans Breitmann choined de Toorners, 
 
 Mit a Limpurg' cheese he coom; 
 Yen he open de box it schmell so loudt 
 
 It knock de musik doomb. 
 Yen de Deutschers kit de flavor, 
 
 It coorl de haar on dere head ; 
 Boot dere vas dwo Amerigans dere; 
 
 Und, py tarn ! it kilt dem dea'd ! 
 
 Hans Breitmann choined de Toorners; 
 
 De ladies coomed in to see ; 
 Dey poot dem in de blace for de gals, 
 
 All in der gal-lerie. 
 Dey ashk : " Vhere ish der Breitmann ?" 
 
 And dey dremple mit awe and fear 
 Yen dey see him schwingen py de toes, 
 
 A trinken lager bier. 
 
30 
 
 Hans Breitmann choined de Toorners : 
 
 I dells you vot py tarn ! 
 Dey sings de great Urbuinmellied : 
 
 De holy Sharman psalm. 
 Und ven dey kits to de gorus 
 
 You ought to hear dein dramp ! 
 It scared der Teufel down below 
 
 To hear de Dootchmen stamp. 
 
 Hans Breitmann choined de Toorners : 
 
 By Donner ! it vas grand, 
 Vhen de whole of dem goes a valkin' 
 
 Und dancin' on dere hand, 
 Mit de veet all wavin' in de air, 
 
 Gottstausend ! vot a dricks ! 
 Dill der Breitmann fall und dey all go down 
 
 Shoost like a row of bricks. 
 
 Hans Breitmann choined de Toorners, 
 
 Dey lay dere in a heap, 
 And slept dill de early sonnen shine 
 
 Come in at de window creep ; 
 And de preeze it vake dem from deir dream, 
 
 And dey go to kit deir feed : 
 Here hat' dis song an Ende 
 
 Das ist DBS BREITMANNSLIED. 
 
Ballad. 
 
 BY HANS BREITMANN. 
 
 ER noble Ritter Hugo 
 
 Yon Schwillensaufenstein, 
 Rode out mit shpeer and helmet, 
 Und he coom to de panks of de Rhine. 
 
 Und oop dere rose a meer maid, 
 
 Yot hadn't got nodings on, 
 Und she say, " Oh, Ritter Hugo, 
 
 Yhere you goes mit yourself alone ?" 
 
 And he says, "I rides in de Greenwood 
 
 Mit helmet und mit shpeer, 
 Till I cooms into em Gasthaus, 
 
 Und dere I trinks some beer." 
 
 Und den outshpoke de maiden 
 
 Yot hadn't got nodings on : 
 
 " I tont dink mooch of beoplesh 
 
 Dat goes mit demselfs alone. 
 
 " You'd petter coom down in de wasser, 
 
 Yere deres heaps of dings to see, 
 Und hafe a shplendid tinner 
 Und drafel along mit me. 
 131) 
 
32 
 
 " Dere you sees de fisch a schwimmin, 
 
 Und you catches dem efery one :" 
 So sang dis wasser maiden 
 Vot hadn't got nodings on. 
 
 " Dere ish drunks all full mit money 
 
 In ships dat vent down of old; 
 Und you helpsh yourself, by dunder ! 
 To shimmerin crowns of gold. 
 
 " Shoost look at dese shpoons und vatches ! 
 
 Shoost see dese diamant rings ! 
 Coom down und full your bockets, 
 Und Til giss you like avery dings. 
 
 " Vot you vantsh mit your schnapps und lager? 
 
 Coom down into der Rhine ! 
 Der ish pottles der Kaiser Charlemagne 
 Vonce filled mit gold-red wine !" 
 
 Dat fetched him he shtood all shpell pound ; 
 
 She pooled his coat-tails down, 
 She drawed him oonder der wasser, 
 
 De maidens mit nodings on. 
 
 'END.