JIM HICKEY
 
 Jim and Danny Page 9 
 
 Frontispiece
 
 JIM HICKEY 
 
 A Story of the One-Night Stands 
 
 By GEORGE V. HOBART 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 "JOHN HENRY," "IT'S UP TO YOU," ETC. 
 
 ILLUSTRATIONS BY McKEE BARCLAY 
 
 G. W. DILLINGHAM COMPANY 
 PUBLISHERS NEW YORK
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1904, BY 
 G. W. DILLINGHAM COMPANY 
 
 ENTERED AT STATIONERS' HALL 
 
 Jim Htekey Issued October, 1904 
 
 (All rights reserved)
 
 SRLF, 
 URL 
 
 TO MY WIFE
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 PAGK 
 
 THE TIRED TROOPERS 11 
 
 THE ONE WHO WAITED 25 
 
 THE DELAYED TELEGRAM 36 
 
 THE INJURED STRANGER 54 
 
 THE RUNAWAY HORSE 75 
 
 THE Two PALS 92 
 
 THE CURTAIN FALLS. . 103
 
 ILLUSTRATIONS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Jim and Danny Frontispiece 9 
 
 " Have you seen anything of Sam? " asked Amy. . 28 
 
 "You be the fat cuss that cut up at the Op'ry 
 
 House ! " roared Jabe Meade .... 41 
 
 " He is my father," Amy said 74 
 
 A man rushed out and grabbed for the horses. ... 89 
 
 " They has my best wishes and God blest them ! " 
 
 said Mrs. Stump 118
 
 JIM HICKBY 
 
 CHAPTER FIRST 
 
 THE TIEED TROUPERS 
 
 HE woods for ours! Isn't 
 this a bird of a place for 
 a show to get stranded? ' 
 Jim Hickey asked, dis- 
 gustedly, as he sat down 
 on a baggage truck. 
 
 Danny Dean, the low 
 comedian of the late lamented " Sher- 
 idan Stock and Repertoire Co.," made 
 no answer. With blinking eyes he 
 watched the Western express until it 
 disappeared around the last curve in 
 the distance. 
 
 Then he turned to his friend, the 
 11
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 light comedian, and said, quite irrele- 
 vantly: 
 
 " Hellsdelight! " 
 
 Under stress of great mental excite- 
 ment Danny's vocabulary, at least that 
 part of it which threw the lurid lights, 
 consisted of only two words, but Danny 
 could make them fit any emergency. 
 
 " It wouldn't have been so bad if 
 the show had gone to pieces in some 
 burg where the people have insomnia 
 in the daytime," Jim growled. " But 
 here, Danny, the men go to work in 
 their pajamas, and the town hasn't anjr 
 street cars because the conductor's bell 
 sounds too much like an alarm clock 
 and it might wake the Mayor." 
 
 Jim arose, pushed the dark hair back 
 from his forehead and paraded his six 
 feet of youthful manhood in front of 
 the rolly-polly Danny, who sat down 
 with a loud sigh on the truck. 
 12
 
 The Tired Troupers 
 
 11 I tell you, Danny," Jim went on, 
 "I'm too delicate for this one-night 
 stand gag. I 'm going to New York and 
 build a theatre." 
 
 " What with? " sneered Danny. 
 
 " With a reporter I know on one of 
 the papers," Jim chuckled. " Say, 
 what was the name of that town we 
 played night before last? ' 
 
 " Murphy's Landing, wasn't it? ' 
 Danny answered. 
 
 " I guess that's right, because Mur- 
 phy landed on me good and hard," 
 Jim said. * ' Kemember those nice 
 white door knobs we ate for break- 
 fast next morning? The waitress said 
 they were hot biscuits, but I had to 
 eat mine with a nut cracker. I've 
 got it in my pantry yet, and every 
 time I walk around the knob turns 
 and I can hear a door open some- 
 where." 
 
 13
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 Danny's double chin showed signs of 
 agitation. 
 
 " Stranded, here in this jay town! " 
 Jim stood and looked over the land- 
 scape. " Say, Danny! what we need is 
 a guardian. And while we're at it let's 
 pick out one with money so we can 
 wire him for a little price to help us 
 out on occasions like this. The next 
 manager that wins me away from the 
 stock yards will have to wear a gold- 
 plated overcoat, and stand in the wings 
 every night where he can throw ten 
 dollar bills at me when I make my exit. 
 No more slob impressarios for mine, 
 with nothing in their inside pockets 
 but a date book and a hearty appetite." 
 
 " Same here, Jim! " Danny nodded. 
 " The next manager that picks me out 
 will have to drag me down to his bank 
 and let me kick his coupons off the 
 shelf before I'll sign," Danny insisted. 
 14
 
 The Tired Troupers 
 
 11 Bumped, good and hard, here in 
 the tall grass,'* Jim complained again, 
 ' ' and not a cookie in the lunch basket. 
 Say! it has me winging all right, and 
 that's no idle hoot! This is the third 
 troupe that blew out its mainspring for 
 us this season and I 'm beginning to be- 
 lieve we ought to get vaccinated. How 
 am I going to do Hamlet in New York 
 this winter I'd like to know? Eight 
 weeks since we left Chicago, three 
 shows to the bad and we aren't out of 
 the state of Illinois yet. Say, Danny, at 
 this rate it'll take about 629 shows to 
 get us to Jersey City, are you hip? ' 
 
 Danny laughed, " It's the old story, 
 Jim, my boy, we're a sad bunch of 
 ploughboys on this old farm of a world 
 when we haven 't a little mazume in the 
 vest pocket. I've got a new bit of a 
 recitation spiel I cooked up last night 
 when I couldn't sleep. It's called 
 15
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 " Knock and the World Knocks With 
 You, ' ' and I '11 put you jerry to it right 
 now before it gets cold! ' 
 
 " Well, I'm from Texas, so you'lj 
 have to steer me," said Jim. 
 
 " Pipe the everlasting truth con- 
 tained herein, ' ' said Danny, whereupon 
 he proceeded as follows: 
 
 Knock, and the world knocks with you, 
 
 Boost and you boost alone ! 
 When you roast good and loud 
 You will find that the crowd 
 
 Has a hammer as big as your own ! 
 
 Buy, and the gang is with you; 
 
 Eenig, and the game's all off, 
 For the lad with the thirst 
 Will see you first 
 
 If you don't proceed to cough-! 
 
 Be rich and the push will praise you, 
 Be poor and they'll pass the ice, 
 
 You're a warm young guy 
 
 When you start to buy 
 
 You're a slob when you lose the price! 
 
 16
 
 The Tired Troupers 
 
 Be flush and your friends are many, 
 Go broke and they'll say Ta, ta! 
 
 While your bank account burns 
 
 You will get returns, 
 When it's out you will get the Ha! 
 
 Be gay and the mob will cheer you, 
 They'll shout while your wealth endures; 
 
 Show a tearful lamp 
 
 And you'll see them tramp 
 
 And it's back to the woods for yours! 
 
 There's always a bunch to boost you 
 While at your money they glance; 
 
 But you'll find them all gone 
 
 On that cold gray dawn 
 When the fringe arrives on your pants! 
 
 " You've got the game of life sized 
 to a show-down," was Jim's comment. 
 " Say, Danny, excuse me for rushing 
 away so soon from that bundle of 
 Shakespeare you just pulled, but what 
 was the matter with our ex-manager? 
 The house we had last night looked like 
 17
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 real money to me. Did you flash your 
 lamps over it? ' 
 
 " Hellsdelight! " spluttered the low 
 comedian; " sure I did. Must have 
 been a hundred and seventy-five dol- 
 lars, not counting the pulp ! ' ' 
 
 " Ditto," said Jim. " That's how I 
 sized it up, and I allowed for the paper, 
 same as you, Danny. And, say! when 
 Sam Bishop came back after the third 
 act last night and said we'd have to 
 put the shutters up I nearly took the 
 count. Stranded, here in this grass 
 burg it's awful, Danny! " 
 
 11 Sam Bishop is a shine Manager, " 
 growled the low comedian. * * What he 
 don't know about running a rep. show 
 would keep any man in thoughts for a 
 year. He ought to be the leading man 
 in a lemonade wagon. How'd a real 
 woman like his wife ever come to 
 marry a false-alarm like Sam? ' 
 18
 
 The Tired Troupers 
 
 11 You can put me under the micro- 
 scope f " answered Jim, sitting on the 
 truck. " I did hear once that he won 
 her away from a good home, but she 
 isn't out with an extra about her 
 troubles. She's a queen, all right, and, 
 say, Danny! that kid of hers! ' 
 
 Danny's face grew radiant with a 
 grin while dimples deep with delight 
 suddenly appeared in his broad and 
 ample cheeks. 
 
 ' * Say, Jim ! Amy Bishop 's kid is an 
 awful hit with me," Danny chuckled. 
 " Seems like that li'l tacker under- 
 stands every word I say to him. That 's 
 one big reason why I'm sore because 
 the troupe is busted." The grin died 
 away, the dimples vanished, and gray 
 thoughts of the future gave their shad- 
 ows to Danny's eyes. 
 
 Jim, too, was silent, and thus they 
 sat while the October sunlight danced 
 19
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 about them and tried to be kind to the 
 grim and dirty little railroad station. 
 
 But presently even the sunlight tired 
 of its philanthropic task and it gladly 
 withdrew when sombre clouds hurried 
 up the sky from the East. Then the 
 dismal depot at Pikehaven, Illinois, 
 came into its own again. 
 
 Jim shivered and buttoned his coat. 
 " Where's the rest of the push? " he 
 asked. 
 
 " All of them had enough to make 
 Chicago. They left early on the East 
 bound accommodation all except you 
 and me and Sam Bishop and Amy and 
 Li'l Bill! " Danny was glad to be able 
 to add this last bit of intelligence, the 
 return of the dimples proved it. 
 
 " I'm afraid you've mentioned at 
 least three who won't answer roll call," 
 Jim said; " Sam and his wife went 
 West on the express! ' 
 20
 
 Tlie Tired Troupers 
 
 " Hellsdelight ! ' Danny fairly 
 shrieked, as he jumped up. " Sam 
 Bishop and his wife and the kid went 
 West? " 
 
 11 Just as I got down here the train 
 was pulling out," Jim explained. " I 
 caught a glimpse of Sam Bishop climb- 
 ing on board. Amy was ahead of him. 
 That's all the news the ticker has at 
 present why, Danny, what's the mat- 
 ter? " 
 
 Danny was staring wild-eyed at Jim, 
 his face purpling with suppressed rage. 
 
 ' ' The lobster! Oh, oh ! what an onion 
 that slob is! " Danny managed to yell. 
 
 * ' If you 're going to swear turn your 
 face the other way, Danny. What did 
 Sam do? " 
 
 " What did he do? He did me, 
 that's what he done. He touched me 
 for my last ten spot! " Poor Danny 
 was on the verge of a collapse. 
 21
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 11 Touched you for your last ten," 
 echoed Jim. " "Well, wouldn't that 
 give you exercise! ' 
 
 " When I heard last night that the 
 troupe had exploded I thought it was 
 about time for me to begin to save 
 some money, so I fixed it with one of 
 the stage hands to let me sleep in the 
 dressing-room," Danny started to ex- 
 plain. 
 
 11 That accounts for it, then," said 
 Jim. " I sat up all night waiting for 
 you in the hotel office. You didn't get 
 any the best of me on that money-sav- 
 ing idea, because I slept in the chair 
 when the night clerk wasn't looking. 
 Of course I had to get up every half 
 hour and look over the register to 
 prove I wasn't taking a shingle off 
 the mafi's roof by stealing a lot of 
 sleep, but I made good, all right! ' 
 
 Danny was busy with his thoughts 
 22
 
 The Tired Troupers 
 
 till Jim stopped. " Early this morn- 
 ing I was up, and the first crack out 
 of the box I ran into Sam Bishop. ' I 
 think I can make the rime to get a rate 
 to Chicago,' he says. ' I had the 
 station agent and his entire tribe in 
 here last night. Drop in your contri- 
 bution, Danny, and I'll get your ticket.' 
 
 " I handed him my last ten spot- 
 all I had on earth except eighty cents 
 and he says, ' All right, Danny, I'll 
 give you the change at the hotel,' and 
 with that he ducked for the depot. 
 Say, Jim, I'll certainly have to spoil 
 that man's mapl " 
 
 " It's coming to him, all right, 
 Danny," Jim agreed. 
 
 " Maybe," Danny added in a softer 
 voice, while the dimples came back 
 for a moment. " Maybe he'll spend 
 some of it for the kid. If he does, 
 perhaps I won't hate him so much." 
 23
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 ''I'm sure he will, Danny. In the 
 meantime, we'll form a joint stock 
 company. You say there's eighty 
 cents in the kick? Good! Hand over. 
 It goes with my thirteen dollars and 
 eighty cents. Fine! We've got capi- 
 tal between us to the extent of four- 
 teen dollars and sixty cents. That'll 
 buy our breakfast, our tickets to Chi- 
 cago and enough left over for a couple 
 of shaves when we get there. Me for 
 the eats; come on, Danny! " 
 
 Danny stood looking wistfully up 
 the Western tracks. " I wish I could 
 have seen that kid again before he 
 quit me," he murmured. 
 
 " Come on, Danny! Don't you hear 
 those breakfast bells? " Jim yelled. 
 
 Danny sighed and dug twd pudgy 
 fists into his eyes. 
 
 Then he turned and followed Jim.
 
 CHAPTER SECOND 
 
 THE ONE WHO WAITED 
 
 M 
 
 JTRANGE to say, the name 
 of Pikehaven's centre of 
 gastronomical delights 
 was not the Waldorf, or 
 the Astoria, or the Del- 
 monico. 
 
 A weather-beaten sign 
 swung over the not too-imposing en- 
 trance, and complained unceasingly 
 because it did picket duty in front of 
 so plebeian a place as 
 
 THE COMMERCIAL HOUSE 
 PETER STUMP, PROPR. 
 
 25
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 But Peter Stump, after many fat 
 years of waddling to the post-office and 
 back again to the fat little arm-chair 
 where he sipped fat whiskey and 
 smoked a fat old pipe, had been gath- 
 ered to his fathers, and Mrs. Stump 
 reigned in his stead. 
 
 A good, motherly old lady was Mrs. 
 Stump, bespectacled and benign of ex- 
 pression, but with a tongue which Na- 
 ture had obviously intended for an 
 auctioneer. 
 
 Marmaduke, the only hope, the pride, 
 the joy of doting Mrs. Stump, rejoiced 
 in the glory of nineteen pale summers, 
 while he smoked cigarettes that 
 smelled like an anaesthetic, and other- 
 wise posed as the day clerk in the hotel. 
 
 The night clerk, by name Harry 
 
 Slite, was short, stout and intense. 
 
 His head was bald, inside and out. 
 
 His fondness for using big words was 
 
 26
 
 The One Who Waited 
 
 the one absorbing passion of his 
 life. 
 
 Jim Hickey walked airily into the 
 dingy office of The Commercial House 
 this brown October morning, and 
 Danny Deane's stout personality fol- 
 lowed closely after. 
 
 " Say, Jim, I've got an appetite on 
 me that won't do a thing to a laboring 
 man's breakfast," the low comedian 
 whispered in his loudest up-stage voice. 
 
 Jim's answer will never be known, 
 for at that moment both men stopped 
 short in their tracks, gazing in dumb 
 amazement at the woman who, leading 
 a little boy, came forward and greeted 
 them. 
 
 " Good morning, Jim, and Danny," 
 she said sweetly, while the baby's 
 hands went out to the low comedian; 
 " I was afraid you had gone without 
 saying good-by. Really, I was begin- 
 27
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 ning to feel dreadfully hurt. The baby 
 would never have forgiven you, Danny, 
 if you hadn't told him good-by. Have 
 you seen anything of Sam? I've been 
 sitting here an hour waiting for him. 
 He went down to the depot to see some 
 of the company off on the Western ex- 
 press. Why don't you speak to the 
 baby, Danny? I'm dreadfully hungry, 
 but I '11 have to wait breakfast for Sam, 
 because he took my pocket-book with 
 him to get our tickets. He said we'd 
 leave for Chicago about noon. Why, 
 Jim, what in the world is the matter 
 with you? " 
 
 " Nothing, Amy; nothing at all," 
 Jim answered. " I just happened to 
 remember something. Excuse me, just 
 a moment." 
 
 Jim drew his astonished friend aside 
 and whispered hoarsely, " Danny, go 
 outside and let loose about ten para- 
 28
 
 'Have you seen anything of 
 Sam?" asked Amy. Page 28
 
 The One Who Waited 
 
 graphs of the warmest talk in your 
 collection; swear till you're black in 
 the forehead and relieve my feelings! 
 Cut loose, Danny, and turn your face 
 in the direction of the West that's 
 the way the train went. Say anything 
 you think of and charge it to me." 
 
 With tightly compressed lips Danny 
 hurried out, and that he attended 
 strictly to the business in hand was 
 evident from the astonishment de- 
 picted on the faces of the few pedes- 
 trians who passed The Commercial 
 House during the next few minutes. 
 
 ' l Sit down, Amy, ' ' said Jim, smiling 
 as of old. " I had to send Danny to 
 attend to a bit of business for me. 
 Did you say Sam took the gate receipts 
 with him? " 
 
 Amy laughed. " Yes, all I had, and 
 that wasn't very much. But I do wish 
 he'd hurry back! I'm dreadfully hun- 
 29
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 gry, and so is the baby. Are you going 
 on to Chicago with us I ' 
 
 " Danny and I haven't booked our 
 route yet," Jim answered. " We 
 thought possibly we might open a 
 stock company here in Pikehaven and 
 put on some of Bill Shakespeare 's stuff. 
 It looks like a good place for tragedy. ' ' 
 
 Danny came in, with a look of in- 
 tense relief on his red and perspiring 
 face. 
 
 Jim took him aside again. " Get 
 busy with the vacant stare behind the 
 counter the day clerk. Talk fast to 
 him a minute, Danny, I want to do a 
 little cooking." 
 
 Danny grinned amiably and led 
 Marmaduke into a discussion of the 
 drama and its relation to Pikehaven, 
 until presently Jim said, " I beg par- 
 don, what are your rates here? ' 
 
 Marmaduke paused in the act of 
 30
 
 The One Who Waited 
 
 lighting a cigarette and said with a 
 lisp, " Two dollarth a day, American 
 plan. ' ' 
 
 " I see that Mr. Bishop has regis- 
 tered his wife's name here on the log- 
 book," Jim went on. " That's the 
 lady in the chair over there." 
 
 " Ith that tho! " Marmaduke said, 
 dropping the cigarette in his excite- 
 ment. " Thirtenly ith peculiar." He 
 examined the register. " Theems tho 
 funny I never noticed that name in 
 there before te, he, he! I wonder 
 when Mr. Bithop did that thirtenly 
 ith peculiar." 
 
 11 Two dollars a day with meals? " 
 Jim asked. 
 
 " Yeth," answered Marmaduke, his 
 shy little brain still coquetting with 
 the mystery of the name on the reg- 
 ister. 
 
 " Well, I happened to meet Mr. 
 31
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 Bishop at the depot a while ago," Jim 
 went on, " and he asked me if I 
 wouldn't give you this money and tell 
 you to give Mrs. Bishop the very best 
 room you can for a week." 
 
 " Fourteen dollarth," Marmaduke 
 whispered, counting the money, with 
 wonder in his pale eyes. 
 
 To the chief clerk of the chief hotel 
 in Pikehaven fourteen dollars all at 
 once was a big sum of money. 
 
 Danny looked at Jim and chuckled, 
 while the grin broadened and the dim- 
 ples danced again. 
 
 11 That'll be all right, won't it! " 
 Jim inquired. " He asked me to be 
 sure and see the chief clerk, who, he 
 said, was a wise gazabe that knew the 
 hotel business backwards. ' ' 
 
 Marmaduke 's paper-weight chest be- 
 gan to swell out under the influence of 
 Jim's flattery. 
 
 " Thirtenly, thirtenly! " Marma- 
 32
 
 The One Who Waited 
 
 duke answered. " I'll attend to it per- 
 thonally, thure, thure! ' 
 
 Jim went back to Amy and the baby. 
 " Your husband has you registered for 
 breakfast, and the clerk tells me it's 
 all paid for," he said. 
 
 " Oh, really! " she laughed. " How- 
 stupid of me to sit here and never think 
 of looking at the register! Of course 
 Sam would think of that. I deserve to 
 be hungry for not having my wits 
 about me; don't I, baby? You poor 
 little boy, father thought of you, but 
 mother didn't." 
 
 Danny turned away with a muttered 
 " Hellsdelight! " 
 
 11 Jim, you and Danny will come in 
 to breakfast with us, won't you? " 
 Amy insisted. ' * Sam will be back any 
 moment, and he won't scold me for 
 waiting so long if you're there," she 
 added. 
 
 " Not any more shredded oats for 
 33
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 ours," Jim said. " Why, Danny and 
 I had breakfast hours ago; didn't we, 
 Danny? We've got a rehearsal." 
 
 " A rehearsal! " Amy repeated in 
 astonishment. 
 
 " Yes," Jim laughed. " Frohman 
 has probably heard by this time that 
 the troupe blew out a fuse, and he may 
 wire for Danny and me any minute. 
 Good actors like us are scarce in New 
 York." 
 
 Amy smiled and took the baby into 
 the little dining-room, while Jim and 
 Danny walked quickly out into Pike- 
 haven's busiest thoroughfare, where 
 grew the grass of ages. 
 
 " Jim, Jim, gi'me your hand! ' 
 Danny insisted. " You're aces up, 
 that's what you are! ' 
 
 " Oh, cut it out, Danny," Jim re- 
 plied. " Part of it was your money, 
 wasn't it! " 
 
 34
 
 The One Who Waited 
 
 11 My money! " Danny yelled. " My 
 money! Hellsdelight ! I only had 
 eighty cents to go in with. My money! 
 You're talking through your teeth." 
 
 11 Well, what difference who's it 
 was!" retorted Jim. " You'd do the 
 same thing, wouldn't you? Wouldn't 
 we be a nice pair of turtles to stand 
 around with coin in our jeans and see 
 a nice girl like Amy getting the ice? ' 
 
 "And Li'l Bill, too," Danny sug- 
 gested. 
 
 1 ( Yes, and the kid, too, ' ' Jim agreed. 
 " We only did what little we could for 
 a real woman who was given the dou- 
 ble cross by a false-alarm husband, and 
 I'm not out looking for any medals, 
 Danny. ' ' 
 
 " No, but you're the goods, all 
 right," Danny maintained; " and I 
 mean it, Jim, 'cause I'm hungry as hell 
 -and glad of it! " 
 35
 
 CHAPTER THIRD 
 
 THE DELAYED TELEGRAM 
 
 T'S the pike for ours! " Jim 
 said when he and the low 
 comedian came out of the 
 sordid little eating-room 
 at the depot, where nearly 
 all of their remaining 
 sixty cents had been ex- 
 changed for two imitation breakfasts. 
 " Not on your lithograph! " Danny 
 objected. " Say, Jim, we can't pull 
 our freights away from here and leave 
 the little woman and the kid alone in 
 that Rube hash foundry, now can 
 we? " 
 
 Jim was silent. 
 
 " What '11 become of them when the 
 week's up? " Danny persisted. 
 36
 
 The Delayed Telegram 
 
 11 What '11 become of us before the 
 week gets started? " Jim parried. 
 
 " Well, maybe we can get some 
 work," Danny suggested. " We've 
 got to pull off some kind of a fight to 
 send Amy and Li'l Bill back to her 
 people in Chicago, if it's only to spite 
 Sam Bishop, the hand-painted shrimp ! ' * 
 
 " Soak him one for me," said Jim. 
 
 " Was there really a woman with 
 him getting on the express? " Danny 
 asked. 
 
 " Sure there was," Jim replied. 
 " Didn't I pipe him helping her up 
 the steps the plate of cheese! ' 
 
 ' ' Who was it ? Not a queen of Eube 
 society eager to get out in the mad, 
 mad world? " Danny ventured. 
 
 " Close the window, you're catching 
 
 cold! " admonished Jim. " It must 
 
 have been that saddlerock soubrette 
 
 who joined the troupe the week stand 
 
 37
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 in Cincinnati. Imogene Montmorency, 
 she of the painted hair and the sad 
 lamps in the burnt-matches frames." 
 
 " Imogene! ' Danny was scornful. 
 " Imogene, the human wheat-cake! 
 well, wouldn't that cancel your 
 dates? " 
 
 " Yes, and if she ever has to give 
 her right name there'll be work for a 
 Swede interpreter, ' ' Jim went on. "I 
 caught her giving Bishop the glad gaze 
 several times, but I put on my blinders 
 and played dead. If I had known it 
 was going to be a case of flee as a bird, 
 you can gamble on it, Danny, I cer- 
 tainly would have said unkind things 
 to the near-actress lady with the 
 oakum topknot and the complexion 
 like an apple fritter.'* 
 
 " Hellsdelight ! ' roared Danny, 
 " and if I had suspected it I sure 
 would have handed Sam Bishop a cou- 
 38
 
 The Delayed Telegram 
 
 pie of Jefferies and two or three Fitz- 
 simmons, if I'd been pinched the next 
 minute. It certainly would cool my 
 fevered brow to bust that man's G 
 string. ' ' 
 
 Danny was about to inaugurate a 
 verbal pyrotechnical display when 
 Jim caught him by the arm. " We're 
 a couple of splashes," he said fiercely. 
 11 We ahould have sent Amy a tele- 
 gram. ' ' 
 
 " A telegram! " Danny repeated in 
 surprise. 
 
 " Yes," said Jim. " A telegram 
 from that fricassee husband of hers. 
 Doesn't she expect him back to the 
 hotel every minute? Well, the longer 
 she waits the fiercer the weeps when 
 she let's go, that's all." 
 
 Danny bobbed his double chin 
 around vigorously. 
 
 " Amy is going to play that goat to 
 39
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 show, and we'll have to scratch him 
 quick." Jim looked around hope- 
 lessly. 
 
 " Say, if I could get a receiving 
 blank and an envelope in there,'* he 
 said suddenly, " she wouldn't know 
 my writing from Pierpont Morgan's. 
 Danny, see if you can give the tele- 
 graph operator the busy chin-chin 
 while I do some more cooking." 
 
 They hurried into the dismal little 
 waiting-room, where the two actors 
 soon made friends with Jabe Meade, 
 station agent, telegraph operator and 
 baggage master, all in one hilarious 
 and laughter-laden personality. 
 
 Jabe could laugh so loud and so long 
 that strangers believed him to be a 
 mechanical toy filled with complicated 
 machinery, and they backed away from 
 him in awe. It really seemed as though, 
 the inhabitants had turnled their rer 
 40
 
 "You be the fat cuss that cut up at the 
 Op'ry House !" roared Jabe Meade. Page 41
 
 The Delayed Telegram 
 
 spective laugh-producers over to Jabe 
 and he was now the official mirth- 
 maker to all Pikehaven. 
 
 It didn't take Danny very long to 
 find out Jabe's characteristics, and a 
 few of the low comedian's best stories 
 did the rest. 
 
 " You be the fat cuss that cut up 
 with that thar troupe at the Op'ry 
 House last night, been't ye? " Jabe 
 
 " No, I'm the skeleton man with a 
 circus," Danny answered, and Jabe 
 roared with delight. 
 
 " You don't look as how you took 
 much exercise," snickered Jabe. 
 
 " But I do take exercise oh, me for 
 that exercise thing, good and strong! " 
 protested Danny. 
 
 " What kind of exercise do you 
 take! " Jabe inquired. 
 
 " Well," Danny answered, " every 
 41
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 morning I swing the clubs for fifteen 
 minutes, then the dumb-bells for ten 
 minutes, then I run about three miles 
 and then I get up and eat my break- 
 fast." 
 
 Jabe guffawed loudly over this bit 
 of facetiousness. 
 
 " I was at the Op'ry House last 
 night," Jabe informed them, " and I 
 'most laughed myself sick to the stom- 
 ach at this yer fat cuss takin' off that 
 Dutch policeman ha, ha, ha, ha! " 
 Jabe looked at Jim Hickey. ' * You was 
 putty good, too," he admitted, " tak- 
 in' off that newspaper reporter and 
 rescuin' the girl from the burnin' 
 structyure, but you didn't do no funny 
 fall and bust your gallusses like this 
 yer fat cuss ha, ha, ha, ha! ' 
 
 " Get him to unhook the laugh; he's 
 a good steady listener," whispered 
 Jim, and Danny started in. 
 42
 
 The Delayed Telegram 
 
 " Fine town, this Pikehaven," 
 Danny began. " All the modern im- 
 provements, eh? Cows wear nickle- 
 plated bells, streets paved with grass 
 and the river has running water." 
 
 " Ha, ha, ha, ha! " Jabe roared. 
 
 " Reminds me of a place we struck 
 out in Missouri last winter," Danny 
 went on. " Same style of public archi- 
 tecture, especially the town pump. 
 But the hotel there was the hit with 
 us. It was called the ' Declaration of 
 Independence,' because the proprietor 
 had married an English woman and 
 wanted to be revenged. At supper 
 time I ordered a steak, and they 
 brought me a leather hinge covered 
 with gravy, so I got up to add an 
 amendment to the Declaration of In- 
 dependence. The head waiter was an 
 ex-pugilist, so he put the boots to me 
 and covered my amendment with 
 43
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 bruises. Then he made me eat the 
 leather hinge, and for two weeks I used 
 to slam every time the wind blew." 
 
 Jabe's laugh shook the building. 
 
 " The proprietor of that hotel was 
 so patriotic," Danny continued, " that 
 he wouldn 't number the rooms like any 
 ordinary hotel. Every room was 
 named in honor of a President of the 
 United States. That evening there 
 happened to be a rush while I was 
 standing near the desk, and I heard 
 the clerk say, ' Front, show these .gen- 
 tlemen up to John Quincy Adams, and 
 tell the porter to take that trunk out 
 of the alcove in Thomas Jefferson. 
 Front, go and put down that window 
 in Rutherford B. Hayes, and, here, take 
 this whiskey up to Abraham Lincoln. 
 Front, what's all that racket in James 
 Buchanan? Here, take these cigars to 
 U. S. Grant, and turn off the gas in 
 44
 
 The Delayed Telegram 
 
 Grover Cleveland.' But I nearly 
 fainted when he said, ' Front, run a 
 sofa into James A. Garfield, and take 
 these two ladies up to George Wash- 
 ington.' 
 
 " Mortal Caesar! Ha, ha, ha, ha! " 
 roared Jabe. " Dag gone, if that ain't 
 funny, you fat cuss! " 
 
 While Danny told the stories Jim 
 arranged the telegram, and so inter- 
 ested was Jabe that he didn't notice 
 what kind of writing material the light 
 comedian used. 
 
 The station agent kindly obliged Jim 
 with an envelope, and when the latter 
 offered the last dime in his collection 
 for a boy to deliver the! message to 
 Mrs. Bishop at the hotel, Jabe roared 
 again and said, " If this yer fat cuss '11 
 drop in and tell me some more of them 
 dag gone good stories I'll keep my old- 
 est boy, Panegyric, runnin' messages 
 45
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 for you all day for nothin' at all ha, 
 ha, ha, ha! ' 
 
 " Panegyric? " questioned Jim. 
 
 " That's my oldest," Jabe said 
 proudly. " When Captain Jorkins, the 
 conductor on No. 3, fust saw that boy 
 he said he was * a Meade of praise,' 
 and the school teacher told me a Meade 
 of praise is a Panegyric, so nothing 
 would do Maw but we must christen 
 him Panegyric ha, ha, ha, ha! ' 
 
 Jim and Danny both joined in the 
 laugh, and presently they went out- 
 side. 
 
 A half hour later they decided Pane- 
 gyric had delivered the telegram, so 
 they went to the hotel to study its ef- 
 fect at closer range. 
 
 In the office of The Commercial 
 House they found Mrs. Stump, the pro- 
 prietress, knitting by the office stove 
 and giving the full benefit of her moth- 
 46
 
 The Delayed Telegram 
 
 erly advice to Marmaduke, who slept 
 placidly behind the counter. 
 
 " My patience! ' she exclaimed 
 when the two friends entered. l ' There 
 you are now. The lady in No. 4 has 
 been a cryin' her eyes out, but I've 
 kept tellin' her that weepin' and wail- 
 in' and gnashin' of teeth won't do no 
 good, 'specially when a person has her 
 health and such a fine baby. As Ira 
 D. Sankey has it in the hynin book, 
 
 ' How red the eyes, how red the nose 
 When woman weeps away her woes ! ' ' 
 
 Mrs. Stump's ability to clothe every 
 circumstance in the glory of her home- 
 made poetry was astonishing, but just 
 why she accredited all her quaint coup- 
 lets to the authorship of Ira D. Sankey 
 nobody could ever find out. 
 
 " I mentioned most ev'ry proverb I 
 know referrin' to tears," Mrs. Stump
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 continued, " but, my patience! it didn't 
 seem to ca'm her none, so I put the 
 baby to sleep and just let her cry." 
 
 " What's the matter? " Jim asked, 
 glancing at Danny in alarm. 
 
 " Matter! " the old lady repeated 
 scornfully. " Same matter as has af- 
 flicted us women sence Eve woke up in 
 the Garden of Eden and found a man 
 staring at her. Husband, that 's what 's 
 the matter." 
 
 Jim found it hard to control the im- 
 pulse to run somewhere, anywhere, 
 away from the tears of that poor girl, 
 who, he was sure, in spite of all their 
 efforts, had learned the bitter truth. 
 
 Danny was fearful, too, for he kept 
 muttering " Hellsdelight ! " over and 
 over. 
 
 " Ira D. Sankey has it right in the 
 hymn book," Mrs. Stump went on; 
 " which says, 
 
 48
 
 The Delayed Telegram 
 
 ' Satan finds some mischief still 
 For husbands' hands and always will ! ' 
 
 1 ' Husbands is the well where women 
 draw their tears I had one, and I 
 ought to know. Most obstinatest man 
 that ever drew the breath of life. He 's 
 with the saints now, poor soul. Ain't 
 no doubt about that, because even if 
 the saints didn't want him he was that 
 set in his way he'd just stay there to 
 spite them. My patience, as Ira D. 
 Sankey has it, 
 
 ' Women that is born to wed 
 Might just as well be dead instead ! ' " 
 
 11 Could we see Mrs. Bishop for a 
 moment?" Jim asked, in an effort to 
 stem the tide of talk. 
 
 " My patience! yes; she's in the par- 
 lor, ' ' Mrs. Stump answered, getting up 
 as quickly as the rheumatism would 
 permit. " I'll show you." 
 49
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 " Oh, Jim, Danny! " Amy exclaimed 
 as the trio entered the little parlor, 
 " haven't you seen Sam anywhere? I 
 simply cannot understand it, and I'm 
 so nervous with waiting! " 
 
 " Thank God! she doesn't suspect," 
 said Jim under his breath. Then aloud, 
 and cheerfully, " No, Amy, we've been 
 over to the theatre all the morning. 
 Sam's all right, and you're all right 
 and everything's all right; isn't it, 
 Danny? " 
 
 " Well, I should crush an egg! " 
 chuckled Danny; and then aside, 
 " where the devil is that telegram? ' 
 
 At that moment the lagging Pane- 
 gyric entered the room, stared around 
 stupidly, placed the message on a chair 
 and walked out, whistling inanely. 
 
 " My patience! " exclaimed Mrs. 
 Stump indignantly, " that Meade boy 
 is the laziest critter that ever pretended 
 50
 
 The Delayed Telegram 
 
 he was alive. As Ira D. Sankey puts 
 it, 
 
 ' A whistlin' boy and a crowin' hen 
 Is worse than the whoopin' cough', amen ! ' 
 
 Seems like he intended this for you, 
 Mrs. Bishop." 
 
 Amy took the message and read it. 
 An expression of pained surprise came 
 into her tear-tired eyes, but she said 
 no word as she handed the missive to 
 Jim. 
 
 " Want me to read this? " Jim 
 asked. 
 
 11 Please," Amy answered. " Read 
 it, so Danny will know, too." Then 
 she went to the window and looked out 
 into the dismal day. 
 
 " It's dated Boonboro that's three 
 stations east," Jim explained, and 
 Danny nodded. * ' ' Mrs. Bishop, Com- 
 mercial House, Pikehaven. Heard by 
 51
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 accident of a chance in Chicago to take 
 out another company booked over same 
 route. Train was just leaving; not 
 time to say good-by. Have sent money 
 to hotel to pay your board for a week. 
 Will join you tnere soon. Don't worry. 
 Couldn't let the opportunity escape. 
 Love to you and the baby.' 
 
 Jim stopped. 
 
 " Does he say love to the baby? " 
 Danny asked in a strange, choked 
 voice. 
 
 " He does," Jim answered stolidly. 
 
 " My patience! " Mrs. Stump said, 
 " husbands is queer fish. As Ira D. 
 Sankey puts it, 
 
 'A husband is just like the grass, 
 
 The grass is like the hay; 
 He may be here to-morrow but 
 He isn't here to-day ! ' 
 
 The idea of a husband rushin' off like 
 
 that without even tellin' his wife and 
 
 52
 
 The Delayed Telegram 
 
 child good-by, fare thee well. My pa- 
 tience! ' 
 
 Amy turned from the window. " It 
 wasn't Sam's fault," she said quietly. 
 " You may be sure he wouldn't leave 
 baby and me without saying good-by 
 if he could help it. Now would he, 
 Jim? " 
 
 11 No, indeed, he wouldn't," Jim an- 
 swered firmly. 
 
 Danny muttered his favorite words 
 and turned to examine intently a faded 
 chromo of the late lamented Peter 
 Stump. 
 
 53
 
 CHAPTER FOURTH 
 
 THE INJUEED STEANGEB 
 
 'LL have to stand by Amy 
 and the kid, that's a cinch, 
 Danny! ' Jim said, as 
 they walked down Pike- 
 haven's lonely main street 
 that afternoon. 
 
 ' ' If I could only sell my 
 new and original sentimental ballad! " 
 mused Danny. 
 
 ' l Have you been at the pipe again ? ' ' 
 asiked Jim. " What is it this time, 
 Danny, one of those home and mother 
 symphonies? ' 
 
 " No," answered Danny; " it's a 
 
 new idea. I've rung father in for a 
 
 change. Say, if I could get DeKoven, 
 
 or Englander, or Victor Herbert to 
 
 54
 
 The Injured Stranger 
 
 glue a little music to this I think it 
 would be immense. I call it, ' Do You 
 Remember, Darling? ' Pipe the keen, 
 honest, home-made sentiment: 
 
 Do you remember, darling, 
 
 What your memory don't forget? 
 When you used to come and see me 
 
 In the parlor, already yet? 
 Have you saved a recollection 
 
 Of that by-gone happy day, 
 When we munched each other's peanuts 
 
 And threw the shells away ? 
 
 "When we munched each other's peanuts 
 And threw the shells away. 
 
 SECOND SPASM. 
 
 Do you remember, darling, 
 
 My dear old Papa's tide, 
 When he fell in of an evening 
 
 Through the parlor door so wide? 
 You will forget much, darling, 
 
 Of what has gone between, 
 But you'll remember Papa 
 
 And his bundle of benzine ! 
 
 55
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 But you'll remember Papa 
 And his bundle of benzine. 
 
 THIRD SPASM. 
 
 Your wages then, my darling, 
 
 Were just six dollars per; 
 That you were making fifty 
 
 You fondly would infer. 
 Then Papa dear would hear you, 
 
 And twenty cents would win 
 With which to buy more benzine 
 
 To help his tide come in. 
 
 With which to buy more benzine 
 To help his tide come in. 
 
 11 No, Danny." Jim shook his head. 
 " I can't stand for that it's too much 
 to the Oscaloosa for mine. I'm afraid 
 your lyrics have gout in the feet. 
 You're a shine author, Bud, a shine 
 author." 
 
 ' ' Say, ' ' persisted Danny, * ' if I ever 
 get a chance to sing that in New York 
 56
 
 The Iryured Stranger 
 
 I'll be crowned the Duke of Broadway, 
 and I '11 have my initials on seven auto- 
 mobubbles. It's jealousy, Jim; it's 
 jealousy that's making your heart beat 
 fast. Pipe this little society bit I tore 
 off this morning just after breakfast. 
 Why, if I could place this with the 
 right kind of a screech owl I'd have 
 Paul Dresser worried down to two hun- 
 dred pounds flat. Pipe the heart inter- 
 est and the hidden tears in this. I call 
 it l We are Divorced My Darling Wife. ' 
 Pipe the minor chords running through 
 the words: 
 
 The house was decked with flowers gay 
 
 And sweet forget-me-nits 
 The guests were all assembled and 
 
 Their clothes were perfect fits! 
 The hushand said, " Weep not, my dear \ n 
 
 His voice was weak and hoarse; 
 " The lawyer's clerk will soon be here 
 
 And hand us our divorce ! " 
 
 57
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 We are divorced, my darling wife, 
 
 But we shall meet again. 
 I'm true to all the girls, and you 
 
 Be true to all the men ! 
 When co-respondents gather round 
 
 Oh! please remember then 
 We are divorced, my darling wife, 
 
 But we shall meet again. 
 
 " Nix, Danny," laughed Jim. " If 
 we wait for one of your songs to buy 
 us a breakfast we'll be shoveling 
 clouds on an empty stomach. I guess 
 we'll have to cut out the lyrics and 
 grab a job. Let's hunt up the station 
 agent. ' ' 
 
 1 ' Say, Jim, ' ' assented the undaunted 
 Danny, " that station agent affair is 
 the best audience I ever played to. 
 Maybe he knows a couple of brick- 
 layers that need understudies we'll 
 go on for them, eh, Jim? " 
 58
 
 The Injured Stranger 
 
 "I'm Freddie with the eager fists! " 
 Jim agreed. " Anything in the line 
 of honest toil, except second-story 
 work or porch climbing, for yours 
 very sincerely. We've got to crowd 
 enough dollar bills together to get that 
 little woman and her kiddie on the 
 train for Chicago. How about it, 
 Danny? " 
 
 " Make mine the same, Jim," the 
 other answered. Then a thought 
 struck him. " What if she won't go, 
 Jim? Seems like I heard somebody in 
 the company say the first week I joined 
 that her people are well fixed, and that 
 they passed her up when she ran off 
 to marry Sam Bishop. She's proud, 
 Jim, and I'll bet four dollars she won't 
 go home till they put ' Welcome ' in 
 electric lights on the mat in the vesti- 
 bule." 
 
 " Well, if we can raise the price, 
 59
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 we'll take a chance on that, Danny," 
 Jim replied. " We can't leave her 
 here on the prairie and let Sam Bishop 
 win the trick, can we? ' 
 
 " Not in a thousand years! " yelled 
 Danny. " What! Let that polish win 
 out f Well, I think me nay ! Come on, 
 Mercutio, the brick-yards for ours! " 
 
 At the depot Jabe Meade greeted 
 them with a laugh that startled the 
 solemn freight cars on the siding. 
 
 " I was telling Major Palmer about 
 you two cusses," he chuckled. " 'Spe- 
 cially that thar fat one ha, ha, ha, 
 ha!" 
 
 '" Who's Major Palmer? " Jim in- 
 quired. 
 
 " Richest man in Pikehaven," Jabe 
 answered, looking at Danny and laugh- 
 ing in anticipation of another story. 
 " Mortal Caesar! He's got more money 
 than some people has whiskers. He 
 60
 
 The Injured Stranger 
 
 lives in that big stone house up on the 
 hill, t 'other side of town. He was down 
 here a spell ago to see if thar was any 
 troupers in town, and when I told him 
 about this yer fat cuss takin' off a 
 Dutch policeman and fallin' so's to 
 bust his galluses, dag gone if the Major 
 didn't near explode ha, ha, ha, ha! ' 
 
 ' ' What did the Major want with the 
 troupers? " Jim asked. 
 
 " He's givin' a dag gone big blow 
 out to-night," Jabe replied. " Birth- 
 day party or suthin'. Mortal Caesar! 
 why they's people comin' from all 
 around. Biggest affair Pikehaven's 
 had in years. Major wanted to g'et 
 some troupers to go up thar and act 
 out for the benefit of his guests. Money 
 ain't no object to him. When I told 
 him about you two, 'specially this yer 
 fat cuss ha, ha, ha, ha! Major says, 
 ' Send 'em up about nine o'clock, and 
 61
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 le'me know if I can depend on 'em.' 
 Will you go, boys? ' 
 
 11 Tiddy um, tiddy um, tiddy addy 
 addy iddy um! Aye tiddy addy um, 
 a oodle addy aye! " warbled Danny in 
 jig time, while Jim danced all over the 
 platform, to the keen delight of Jabe. 
 
 Then they both embraced their 
 ' ' angel, ' ' and declared him to be * ' the 
 biggest little bit of all right they'd 
 ever met! ' And to crown Jabe's joys 
 Danny told him comic stories till the 
 station agent crouched panting in a 
 corner and wheezed out, " Mortal Cae- 
 sar! stop it, ye fat cuss, stop it! I'll 
 bust my b'iler, sure! " 
 
 Major Palmer's " social event " was 
 a big success that night, and everybody 
 present declared that Jim and Danny 
 were instrumental in adding hugely to 
 the evening's gaiety. 
 
 The Major was delighted with them
 
 The Iryured Stranger 
 
 both. They left the big house on the 
 hill richer by fifty dollars, two quart 
 bottles of Pommery and enough thanks 
 and compliments to make their ears 
 tingle for a month. 
 
 " Did you catch me handing out the 
 invalid gags ? ' ' Danny grinned, as they 
 hurried to the hotel. ' ' Say, Jim, when 
 you gave that imitation of Henry 
 Dixey imitating Henry Irving I almost 
 imitated a fit." 
 
 " Why, Danny, wasn't it the 
 goods? " 
 
 ' ' Yes, it was the goods all right, but 
 you delivered the wrong package. You 
 looked like Ned Harrigan in * Old Lav- 
 ender,' and you talked like Richard 
 Mansfield in ' Old Heidelberg. ', ' ' 
 
 " Well, Danny, didn't we agree to 
 give them any old thing, and didn't we 
 get the coin, all right? ' 
 
 1 1 Did we! " chortled Danny. " Oh, 
 63
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 the mazume, the spondools, the cush! 
 Say, if Major Palmer is a self-made 
 man he's certainly a good steady 
 worker, for he turned out a finished 
 job." 
 
 " Do we take Amy and the kiddie 
 to Chicago, and do we have the car- 
 fare left to hunt up her people? " Jim 
 bubbled over with enthusiasm. * ' Well, 
 I should control a Trust! And this 
 wine, Danny, the Pommery goes 
 straight to Jabe Meade, the Human 
 Joke-hunter, eh, what! " 
 
 " You bet it does! " Danny agreed. 
 ' ' That lad is all right, if he does laugh 
 like a boiler explosion. Say, Jim, every 
 time I think of the dinner we sur- 
 rounded at the Major's house I feel 
 like going back and apologizing to the 
 cook." 
 
 Jim registered their name with a 
 wondrous flourish at The Commercial 
 64
 
 The Injured Stranger 
 
 House, and asked Harry Slite, the 
 night clerk, if he had a double room 
 with two beds and what was the rate 
 per day. 
 
 1 i I believe I can demonstrate to your 
 satisfaction," Mr. Slite replied, linger- 
 ing lovingly on every syllable, " that 
 the desired shelter, undeniably com- 
 fortable and advantageously located, 
 will be immediately forthcoming." 
 
 " Back up! ' whispered Jim to 
 Danny. " Don't break off any bad 
 grammar or the professor will have us 
 pinched. ' ' 
 
 Mr. Slite at one time in his some~ 
 what uneventful career had threatened 
 to become a novelist, but while yet not 
 far out on the sea of literature he was 
 rudely buffeted by adverse waves, and 
 the billows of Destiny finally drove him 
 back, back into the office of a third- 
 rate hotel in a fourth-rate town. 
 65
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 He revenged himself on Fate, how- 
 ever, by showering all his unprinted 
 words on friend or foe alike words 
 as heavy and ponderous as the rumble 
 of distant artillery. 
 
 " What did you say the rate is? " 
 Jim inquired. 
 
 " The rate per diem for a double 
 room with two beds is the merely nom- 
 inal sum of three dollars, ' ' Mr. Slite re- 
 plied, with a flourish of the left hand, 
 during the progress of which the little 
 finger stood out at right angles to its 
 companions. " This, I assure you, 
 gentlemen, is not extortionate when 
 one considers the extreme desirability 
 of the apartment, and also the fact that 
 the viands set before the traveller in 
 our sumptuous dining-hall are calcu- 
 lated to charm the palate of a Lu- 
 cullus. ' ' 
 
 " I believe you, with all my soul," 
 66
 
 The Injured Strange? 
 
 said Jim; " but, for the love of kip- 
 pered herring, cut out the long speeches 
 and come down to cues. Put us down 
 for a sleeper and chain the dog we 
 may be late in rolling in. And, say, 
 Professor, if you can send us up a pit- 
 cher of ice-water without doing a 
 monologue in blank verse, do so, and 
 oblige yours ever devotedly, the Polar 
 Brothers, Bear and Forbear." 
 
 Mr. Slite watched them in dumb 
 amazement as they rushed out of the 
 office. It was hours later before he 
 uttered a word longer than two syl- 
 lables. 
 
 When they presented Jabe with the 
 two quarts of Pommery as a token of 
 their gratitude his thanks took the 
 form of a laugh, which for noise and 
 duration broke all records. 
 
 " I knew that thar fat cuss could 
 act out on top of a parlor floor just as 
 67
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 well as on top of a stage ha, ha, ha, 
 ha! " Jabe bubbled over. " Mortal 
 Caesar! did you cut up like a Dutch 
 policeman and fall on yer eyebrows? 
 Say, I'm dag gone sorry I'm too busy 
 here to get into sassiety, or I'd a' been 
 thar, laffin' fit to bust! I'd a' been thar, 
 anyway, sure's shootin', but Maw was 
 ailin' to-night, and I had to nurse 
 Flowery between trains." 
 
 " Flowery! " Jim echoed, puzzled. 
 
 ' ' Yes, that 's the name of our young- 
 est little gal, ' ' Jabe explained. l ' School 
 teacher told Maw that some poet cuss 
 took and written a piece about Flowery 
 Meades, so Maw says they ain't no 
 poet can write anything too nice for 
 our youngest, so we christened her 
 Flowery Meade. Mortal Caesar! I'd 
 like to have that fat cuss cut up some 
 for Maw and the little ones when she 
 ain't ailin'." 
 
 68
 
 The Injured Stranger 
 
 The pleading! note in Jabe's voice 
 went straight to Danny's sensitive 
 heart, and when he promised to drop 
 in soon and " cut up " for the chil- 
 dren there were tears of delight in 
 good old Jabe's eyes. 
 
 They took a short cut back to the 
 hotel, going through a vacant lot in 
 the rear of the depot. 
 
 " Pipe, Jim! " Danny exlaimed sud- 
 denly. Jim, deep in thought, looked 
 up and beheld, not fifty feet away, three 
 men struggling and fighting fiercely. 
 
 Both comedians yelled and started 
 quickly for the combatants, and as they 
 did so one man dropped like a log to 
 the ground, while the other two took 
 to their heels, and were speedily lost 
 sight of in the maze of freight cars in 
 the yard. 
 
 Jim and Danny knelt down by the 
 stricken man. ' * He 's out ! ' ' Jim said. 
 69
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 " It's a hold up. Gee! Look at that 
 crack on the coco. They've been try- 
 ing to move the furniture out of his 
 upper story. Quick, Danny, run and 
 get Jabe, and we'll carry him up to the 
 hotel." 
 
 Danny was off as fast as his fat legs 
 would carry him. Jim unbuttoned the 
 unconscious man's collar and pillowed 
 the wounded head on his knee till 
 Danny and Jabe came hurrying back. 
 
 " Mortal Caesar! " cried Jabe, when 
 he knelt down to look at the stranger. 
 " I saw him get off the night express 
 that pulled out just afore you boys 
 came down. He walked up and down 
 for exercise like. The train was held 
 up here a few minutes, and I guess he 
 was nervous. I'll bet it was them two 
 dag gone tramps I saw skulkin' around 
 the yard to-day blast 'em! ' 
 
 They carried the unfortunate stran- 
 70
 
 The Injured Stranger 
 
 ger to The Commercial House, and 
 up the stairs to the first spare room, 
 much to the astonishment of the 
 learned Mr. Slite, who, at Jim's sug- 
 gestion, rushed next door and aroused 
 Dr. Humphreys. 
 
 Jim and Danny bathed the wounded 
 man's head, undressed! him and had 
 him in bed before the doctor arrived. 
 
 " It'll be serious unless we can get 
 a faithful nurse," Dr. Humphreys 
 whispered, after a careful examination. 
 " His skull is not fractured, but the 
 shock was extremely severe, and he 
 needs careful watching. "Who is he? " 
 
 Jim took some letters from the 
 stranger's coat pocket and handed 
 them to the doctor, who examined them 
 and exclaimed presently, " Why, it's 
 Colonel Harbell, one of the best known 
 men on the Chicago Board of Trade! 
 Great heavens! how did this happen? ' 
 71
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 Jim related all he knew, and Danny 
 supplemented the story with the re- 
 marks made by Jabe Meade. The doc- 
 tor bade them go and rest. He would 
 stay at the wounded man's bedside for 
 an hour or two. 
 
 In the hall they met Mrs. Stump, 
 duly impressed by Jabe 's story. ' ' Oh, 
 ains't it dreadful! " she cried^ " As 
 Ira D. Sankey puts it, 
 
 ' In the midst of life there comes the strife, 
 Perchance the crool assassing's knife ! ' 
 
 I'm thankful that Peter Stump ain't 
 alive this night; he'd be that worried 
 he 'd surely take to whiskey, and likker 
 always did make a perfect beast of him 
 till there was no livin' with him. The 
 hand of Providence is surely in his 
 takin' off before this horrible night. 
 The poor man! Oh, them awful 
 72
 
 The Iiyured Stranger 
 
 tramps! They ought to be a law pro- 
 hibitin' them entirely. Is the poor 
 man much murdered? " 
 
 Just then Amy came out of her room 
 fully dressed. Mrs. Stump had long 
 since awakened her and told her the 
 whole story, with suchl affecting de- 
 tails as occurred to that garrulous, but 
 kind-hearted old lady. 
 
 ' ' Jim, I'm sure I can be of some help 
 to the doctor," Amy said. " Eeally, 
 I'm a good nurse; and you'll watch the 
 baby, won't you, Danny? " 
 
 Danny nodded eagerly and the dim- 
 ples danced. 
 
 " We'll see what the doctor says," 
 Jim replied, and he led the way quietly 
 into the sick-room. 
 
 " Please, may I help you, Doctor? " 
 Amy whispered, as she drew near the 
 bed. 
 
 Dr. Humphreys smiled an affirma- 
 73
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 tive, and Amy leaned over to look at 
 the injured stranger. 
 
 The next instant she gasped and fell 
 back into the doctor's arms, but in an- 
 other moment she pulled herself to- 
 gether and stood erect, brave and 
 ^trong. 
 
 " He is my father! " she said softly.
 
 "He is my father," Amy Said Page 74
 
 CHAPTER FIFTH 
 
 THE EUNAWAT HOESE 
 
 AIN'T never seen the beat 
 of that young woman 
 sence I was born," Mrs. 
 Stump exclaimed. " For 
 three hull mortal days 
 now she's been a'nussin' 
 her father and tendin' to 
 that dear baby; and how she keeps so 
 smilin' and cheerful is more'n I can 
 answer for. As Ira D. Sankey puts it, 
 
 ' A daughter's love is rich and rare 
 No matter be she dark or fair ! ' 
 
 My patience! the hand of Providence 
 was surely in that poor man's gettin' 
 his head busted right where a lovin' 
 daughter could nuss him back to con- 
 volutions. ' ' 
 
 75
 
 Jim Hicltey 
 
 11 Convalethenth, " lisped Marma- 
 duke, somewhat scathingly. 
 
 " That's right, Marmaduke, display 
 your poor Maw's ignorance just be- 
 cause she ain't glitterin' all over with 
 brains like you be," she said, proud 
 of the opportunity to audibly admire 
 her firstborn. 
 
 The recipient of this reproof with 
 praise puffed forth a cloud of cigarette 
 smoke and said, " She thirtenly ith a 
 corker! " 
 
 Jim Hickey looked up from the let- 
 ter he was writing at the little desk. 
 
 " Marmaduke! ' his mother ex- 
 claimed. " My patience! I do hope the 
 spark of love ain't kindled in your 
 boozum. If it is, then you must pour 
 forth the viles of your wrath upon it 
 and put it out. As Ira D. Sankey has it, 
 
 'Love is a snake that comes and goes, 
 Disturbin* man from head to toes!' 
 76
 
 That means, Marmaduke, that love is 
 nothin' more than rheumatism of the 
 nervous system, and you know as well 
 as I do that you ain't fit physically to 
 have no attackt of rheumatiz right 
 now. ' ' 
 
 Jim snickered and busied himself 
 over his letter. Dr. Humphreys came 
 bustling down from the sick room. 
 
 " Mornin', Doctor! ' Mrs. Stump 
 greeted him. " How's your patient 
 this mornin'; any new compensa- 
 tions? " 
 
 The doctor smiled. " Why, he's get- 
 ting on famously. He'll be up and 
 about in less than a week. Such kind 
 attention as that man has received here 
 couldn't help but bring about a speedy 
 recovery. I'm sure, Mrs. Stump, that 
 Colonel Harbell will never forget your 
 devotion. ' ' 
 
 " My patience! " the good old lady
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 exclaimed. " I ain't done nothin' but 
 just trapse around and carry and fetch, 
 and the like of that! " 
 
 The doctor dissented vigorously. 
 " You've been a ministering angel, 
 Mrs. Stump oh! I know all about it! 
 Night and day you've waited and 
 watched with kindness unceasing. The 
 Colonel knows and appreciates." The 
 doctor turned to Jim. " Mr. Hickey, 
 in all my experience I never met two 
 young men more thoughtful, more tact- 
 ful than you and Mr. Dean. ' ' 
 
 " Tush, Doc! " said Jim, coloring 
 under the words. " Don't peel off any 
 vote of thanks for us. We just stood 
 by the speaking tube and listened for 
 orders, that's all. Cut out the sugar 
 talk, Doc, and let it go at that. It's 
 my belief that the Colonel is so glad 
 he's found his daughter that he hasn't 
 time to be sick." 
 
 78
 
 The Runaway Horse 
 
 ' ' My patience ! and I was right there 
 when it happened," Mrs. Stump in- 
 formed them. " We was both standin' 
 by the bed when the Colonel opened his 
 eyes. First he looked at me but he 
 didn't give no sign that he knew me, 
 as well he mightn't 'cause I never seen 
 the man afore in all my born days. 
 Then his eyes rested on his daughter 
 for a moment and he closed 'em quick, 
 just .for all the world like he was sayin' 
 to himself, * I'm dreamin' this! ' Then 
 he opened them again and seen she was 
 still there. ' Amy, ' he whispered, very 
 gentle. ' Yes, father,' says she, ' it's 
 your disobedient little girl come back 
 again. You are sick, but I'm going to 
 stay right here and nuss you! ' They 
 was tears in his eyes now, but they was 
 happy tears. Then she took his hand 
 in hers and petted him like, and he 
 went to sleep like a baby. My patience! 
 79
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 that reminds me, I must get some fresh 
 milk and oatmeal for that little boy 
 child! " 
 
 The doctor went his smiling way and 
 Jim joined Danny who sat outside on 
 the sidewalk, amusing Amy's little boy 
 by singing in his sweet though husky 
 voice a song of his own composition. 
 
 " It's one I cooked up this morn- 
 ing," Danny explained. " It's meant 
 for a swift slap at the woozy coon songs 
 and I'm trying it on the kid. If Li'l 
 Bill doesn't quit me before I get 
 through it's a sign that it will be a 
 seller. I call it '01' Friends Am 
 Best.' Pipe the close harmony in the 
 vamp: 
 
 Doan't want fo' to sing dem songs dat's new, 
 
 I kain't, mah honey, I kain't ! 
 Fo' de words am strange an' de chunes ain't 
 true, 
 
 Ain't true, no, honey, dey ain't. 
 
 80 

 
 The Runaway Horse 
 
 So I sings yo' to sleep wif de same ol' song 
 
 Dat I sung long time ergo, 
 An* er Sandman comin' right erlong, right 
 erlong, 
 
 When I sing erbout 01' Black Joe: 
 
 " Gone am de days when mah heart was light 
 
 an' gay; 
 Gone am de fren's from de cotton fiel's 
 
 erway; 
 
 Gone one an all to a better Ian' I know 
 I hear dem angel voices calVn' ol' black 
 Joe!' 
 
 Doan' like fo' to sing dem songs dat's new, 
 
 Dey's trash, yes, honey, dess trash ! 
 Dey's full of bad mokes an' gals named Lou, 
 
 An' you hear dem razzer blades clash. 
 So I sings yo' to sleep wif a good ol' chune, 
 
 An' yo' noddin' yo' cu'ly li'l head, 
 Kase we has no use fo' a sassy young coon, 
 
 When we recollec' 01' Uncle Ned: 
 
 "Den it's hang up de fiddle an' de bow oh 
 
 oh! 
 
 Lay down de shovel an' de hoe; 
 Fo' dah's no mo' work fo' po' Uncle Ned 
 Kase he's gone wah de good dahkies go ! " 
 
 81
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 Doan' want fo' to sing dem songs dat's new, 
 
 Dey's low-down, honey, an' cheap; 
 Dey make yo' blush an' dey scare yo', too; 
 
 Den yo' never gwiner git to sleep. 
 Be Sandman hates dem toP me so 
 
 Las' time dat he came eroun; 
 01' f ren's am bes' den hesh a bye low 
 
 Kase Massa's in de col', col' groun' : 
 
 "Down in de co'nfieF 
 Hear dat mo'nful souri ! 
 All de dahkies am a-weepin' 
 Massa's in de col', col' groun' I" 
 
 The little lad listened eagerly to the 
 very last note and Danny's delight 
 knew no bounds. 
 
 "It's a cinch," Jim, he chuckled; 
 " that's what the public wants didn't 
 you pipe Li'l Bill staying right along 
 till the curtain fell! Me for a music 
 foundry with that bit of work the mo- 
 ment we hit a burg with grown-up 
 buildings. ' ' 
 
 * ' It 's all right, Danny, ' ' Jim agreed. 
 82
 
 "It's the best piece of goods you have 
 on the counter and maybe you could 
 sing it in public without a net! ' 
 
 " Nice song, nice Danny," gravely 
 commented Li'l Bill, and Jim's opinion 
 counted for nothing. 
 
 Pikehaven's principal thoroughfare 
 slept under an October sun which was 
 exerting all its efforts to be bright and 
 warm. 
 
 "'Well, Danny/ said Jim, after a 
 long pause, " those tramps made it 
 easy sledding for us, even if they did 
 write their autographs on the Colonel's 
 head with their night sticks! I'll bet 
 he'd stand up and take another knock- 
 out just to show how glad he is to find 
 Amy." 
 
 Danny grinned and danced " Li'l 
 Bill ' ' on his fat knee, while the young- 
 ster chuckled and said, " Danny p'ay 
 hossy! gallup'm! gallup'm! ' 
 83
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 tl I guess we can give the signal and 
 pull out of here in a day or two, Dan- 
 ny! " Jim said after a pause. 
 
 Danny sighed deeply and " played 
 horse" vigorously to " Li'l Bill's " 
 evident delight. 
 
 " We'd better hike "West, don't you 
 think so, Danny? " 
 
 Danny nodded. 
 
 11 Maybe we can catch on in St. 
 Louis. They'll need a couple of good 
 actors like us out there toi give (the 
 Drama a boost during the Exposition. 
 If the managers give us the ice-cream 
 salve, and put the saucy boots to us, 
 maybe we can catch on down the Pike 
 and play dates manicuring the camels. 
 Anyway, we have our health, Danny, 
 and we could make sandwich money in 
 front of a hootchy-kooch palace, bark- 
 ing at the Kubes ! ' 
 
 Danny busied himself with the 
 84
 
 The Runaway Horse 
 
 baby's prattle and paid no heed to the 
 glories of the future which Jim was 
 painting so artistically. 
 
 " Besides," Jim went on, " there's 
 a certain hard-boiled clam out that way 
 who deserves our united attention. I 
 want to meet that Bishop crab justt 
 once more and hand him my kindest 
 regards with a spike in the centre. 
 How about you, Danny? ' 
 
 " Hellsdelight! " yelled Danny, 
 whereupon the baby looked up at 
 him in two-year old amazement. " It 
 certainly would refresh my spirits to 
 move a piano across the floor of that 
 man's face! " 
 
 Jim laughed. " Say, Danny, why 
 don't you go to the room and lie down 
 a bit. You've been up half the night 
 and a few paragraphs of sleep won't 
 spoil your complexion go on! You 
 for the pillows! " 
 
 85
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 11 Who'll take care of Li'l Bill? " 
 Danny asked. 
 
 " I will! " said Jim. 
 
 " You! " contemptuously from Dan- 
 ny. ' ' What do you know about taking 
 care of kids? ' 
 
 "I'd like to know how you got so 
 well up in the part? " Jim retorted 
 with a pretence of scorn. " You're a 
 fine understudy for a nurse-maid, you 
 are! It's a pity you couldn't have used 
 some of that ability on a home prod- 
 uct! " 
 
 Danny 's eyes were on the child whom 
 he now held cuddled up in his arms. 
 
 " I did once, Jim! " he said quietly. 
 * ; Long before I ever met you. He was 
 only this little fellow's age when the 
 angels called him in off the road. In 
 less than two weeks his mother fol- 
 lowed him Up Above, to help the angels 
 look after him. I guess I wasn't good 
 86
 
 The Runaway Horse 
 
 enough to go 'long, too, Jim, but I 
 wanted to then, and I've wanted to 
 many's the time since." 
 
 1 i Forgive me, Danny, ' ' Jim pleaded, 
 with unsteady voice. ' ' You never told 
 me, and, and I was only joshing, 
 Danny! ' 
 
 Danny looked up and smiled. " It's 
 the only memory I have, Jim, and I 
 was too fond of it to put it up on the 
 bulletin board. It's all right, old pal; 
 you didn't hurt my feelings any. You 
 go on in and sleep; I'm going to stay 
 here with Li'l Bill. Don't you know 
 that a child must have an hour in the 
 sun every day? Exit, Jim, exit up- 
 stairs, left and exit laughingly! " 
 
 Without a word Jim went into the 
 hotel, and Danny romped with the 
 baby until that diminutive individual 
 chuckled himself into an attack of hic- 
 coughs. 
 
 87
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 An hour passed by and Pikehaven 
 still slumbered beneath the October 
 sun. The universal spirit of somno- 
 lency presently crept insinuatingly 
 over Danny's tired eyes and he nodded, 
 nodded, while the baby wandered away 
 open-eyed and bent on discovery. 
 
 Finally Nature and the sleep gods 
 won the fight and Danny, leaning back 
 in his chair with his head on the win- 
 dow-sill, slept on. 
 
 Li'l Bill toddled out into the dusty 
 street and, gurgling with delight, sat 
 down to .study the formation of certain 
 sticks and stones at closer range. 
 
 Suddenly the peace was broken by a 
 series of shouts far up the street. The 
 sleepers in the marts of commerce 
 which lined Pikehaven 's main street 
 awoke and gazing out of doors added 
 their drowsy shouts to the increasing 
 din. 
 
 88
 
 A man rushed out and grabbed 
 for the horse ! Page 89
 
 The Runaway Horse 
 
 " A runaway! a runaway! ' 
 
 A big black horse, dragging a wildly 
 careening runabout, came tearing mad- 
 ly down the street, his nostrils dis- 
 tended, his flanks all foam-bedecked 
 and his eyes rolling with frenzy. 
 
 Directly in the terror-driven horse's 
 pathway sat the crooning child, piling 
 stick upon stick and stone upon stone 
 in his baby effort to build a house. 
 
 Nearer and nearer came the infuri- 
 ated horse, now made more desperate 
 by the ever increasing noise of the 
 on-lookers. Pikehaven was awake. A 
 man rushed out and grabbed for the 
 horse's head but the big animal 
 swerved, whereupon the would-be hero 
 retired gladly and took his place again 
 in the humble ranks of the shouters. 
 
 The rushing avalanche of horse-flesh 
 was but a short block from the prat- 
 tling baby when Danny awoke to the 
 89
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 shouting. With a rush his senses re- 
 turned to him and the impending hor- 
 ror was blood-red in his eyes. 
 
 At the same moment Jim had hurried 
 to the open window of their room on the 
 second floor. One glance developed the 
 panorama of evil and with the agility 
 of a cat he was out the window and 
 half climbed, half fell into the street. 
 
 The wondering child was lifted from 
 beneath the very feet of the furious 
 horse, but just as Danny turned one of 
 the shafts of the runabout struck him 
 in the side. He fell headlong but not 
 before Jim had grabbed from his arms 
 the now thoroughly frightened little 
 lad. 
 
 The horse dashed on, a wheel of the 
 runabout passing over Danny's still 
 body, and then, as though satisfied with 
 his sport, permitted himself to be 
 caught two blocks away. 
 90
 
 The Runaway Horse 
 
 The low comedian opened his eyes 
 and looked about him wildly. u Li'l 
 Bill! " he asked weakly, " is he safe? " 
 Before they could tell him he sighed 
 and fainted again. 
 
 Tender hands lifted Danny and car- 
 ried him, all blood-bedabbled, to has 
 room. 
 
 91
 
 CHAPTER SIXTH 
 
 THE TWO PALS 
 
 JABE MEADE ran up from 
 the depot to the hotel that 
 evening to get the story 
 direct from headquarters. 
 Mannaduke Stump con- 
 sumed three cigarettes 
 and lispingly related his 
 version of the event with a view to 
 annexing some of the glory. As a re- 
 sult of the rather selfish motive under- 
 lying the endeavor, Marmaduke's story 
 consisted mainly of a detailed descrip- 
 tion of the carrying of Danny upstairs, 
 wherein the narrator made himself the 
 central figure and invited the kind ap- 
 plause of his audience. 
 
 Jabe was chary with his words of 
 92
 
 The Two Pals 
 
 approval, however, so the pale youth 
 dismissed his listener with a disdainful 
 wave in the direction of Mr. Slite, the 
 night clerk. 
 
 Mr. Slite 's story was more complete 
 with regard to statistics, but it did not 
 appeal very strongly to Jabe Meade for 
 the reason, perhaps, that he understood 
 only about one word in ten. 
 
 " The preponderance of evidence," 
 Mr. Slite began, " proves almost con- 
 clusively that the quadruped was 
 driven into a state of mental disorder 
 by the sudden appearance in its imme- 
 diate neighborhood of a comparatively 
 small piece of torn newspaper which 
 fluttered hither and thither on the au- 
 tumnal breezes, causing the animal to 
 become so perturbed mentally that he 
 dashed madly onward." 
 
 " Mortal Caesar! " murmured Jabe, 
 awed by the rumble of the syllables. 
 93
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 " It happened, unfortunately," Mr. 
 Slite continued, " that the child of one 
 of our esteemed guests had unwit- 
 tingly precipitated itself upon terra 
 firma, right in the course of the onrush- 
 ing equine. Providentially, however, 
 for the child, another of our esteemed 
 guests, a gentleman of much physical 
 courage, hurried to the rescue and 
 dragged the youthful one, uninjured, 
 from the very gates of Inferno, and in 
 so doing was himself hurled to the 
 earth and rendered Tiors du combat!" 
 
 " Sufferin' Mortal Caesar! ' ex- 
 claimed the impressed Jabe. " Did 
 that thar fat cuss get all that done to 
 him! Gosh! that's tough! And he cer- 
 t'n'ly was a hull circus to hisself, dag 
 gone if he wasn't. I'm that sorry I 
 ain't got the words to tell it." Jabe 
 turned and found Mrs. Stump at his 
 elbow. 
 
 94
 
 The Two Pals 
 
 ' ' Is that you, Jabe, ' ' she said. ' ' My 
 patience! I was just sayin' to Mrs. 
 Bishop, and her a 'cryin ' over her baby 
 that wasn't even scratched, that Provi- 
 dence has certainly saw fit to shower 
 its blessing's on us in the way of ex- 
 citement. As Ira D. Sankey puts it so 
 beautiful, 
 
 ' Lives of great men all remind us 
 Trouble's brewin' right behind us ! ' 
 
 That was always a favorite proverb of 
 your (father's, Marmaduke. Many a 
 time I've heerd him sayin' it just afore 
 some dead beat walked off without pay- 
 ing for his night's lodgin'. Did you 
 ever see such a eppydemic of doings 
 as we've had here lately, Jabe? My 
 patience! I won't be surprised at noth- 
 in' no more. Pikehaven's gettin' to 
 be a regular Mettrollypus with its hold- 
 ups and runaways and the like of that. 
 95
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 You can't tell me we hadn't ought to 
 have policemen with brass buttons 
 paradin' around my patience! ' 
 
 " How's the fat cuss? " Jabe man- 
 aged to ask. 
 
 " Bad," she answered. " Doctor 
 says it's serious. He has delirium tre- 
 mens! ' 
 
 " Just delirium, Maw! " corrected 
 Marmaduke. ' ' People thath struck by 
 a runaway horth don't have trementh, 
 only delirium! ' 
 
 " My patience! that's so, Marma- 
 duke I ' ' she agreed. ' ' Your poor Paw 
 used always to favor havin' the tre- 
 mens with his delirium, so that's how 
 I got it mixed." 
 
 In the meantime Jim sat watching 
 by the bedside of the stricken Danny. 
 
 Dr. Humphreys had gone with the 
 promise of a speedy return. Jim 
 thought over all the doctor had said 
 96
 
 The Two Puts 
 
 but could find few crumbs of comfort. 
 Danny was in a bad way. 
 
 Jim looked out complaininglyinto the 
 gathering night. So this, then, was to 
 be the finish, he thought. Good old 
 Danny! they had chummed it together 
 for many a season, and now! 
 
 Deep shadows came into the room 
 and took their stations in the far cor- 
 ners. The spirit of dread stared wild- 
 eyed at Jim through the gloom but as 
 he raised his eyes he could see the tiny 
 windows of Heaven opening, and one 
 by one the trembling stars came forth. 
 
 Fever-driven Danny had tossed and 
 moaned unceasingly but now the dark- 
 ness seemed to soothe him for he lay 
 very still. 
 
 Presently the sick comedian's eyes 
 opened and he whispered weakly. 
 
 In an instant Jim was leaning over 
 him, " Yes, Danny, lad! >: 
 97
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 " Li'l Bill, is he safe? " 
 
 " Sure, Danny; he's all to the good. 
 He didn't even whimper. But the doc- 
 tor says you must lie still, Beau, and 
 we'll get you mended nicely in a day 
 or two! " 
 
 11 Jim, I'm up against it! ' : 
 
 " Tush, Danny, it's only a phony 
 knock-out. You're not going to take 
 the count, don't worry! ' 
 
 ' ' Jim, ' ' Danny insisted in the weak- 
 est of whispers ; * ' I feel all tangled up. 
 Did the Doc. say I'd have to ring 
 down? " 
 
 " No, Danny; but he said you must 
 do a thinking part. The talky-talk puts 
 you over on Woozy Avenue! Rest 
 easy, you're not going to speak the tag, 
 yet, my old chum! ' 
 
 " Jim! " 
 
 "Yes, Danny! " 
 
 " Doc. means all right, but he don't 
 98
 
 The Two Pals 
 
 know. I feel as though I'm slipping 
 away from you; would you mind hold- 
 ing on to my hand, Jim 1 ? I saw Her 
 a while ago and she smiled just like she 
 used to, Jim, and she says, * Danny, 
 we've been sitting by the gate waiting 
 for you this ever and ever so long! J 
 And I saw the little boy, too, Jim, but 
 when he beckoned to me the lights 
 grew dim and somebody let down a big, 
 black curtain." 
 
 Jim's eyes were wet with tears. 
 
 " I '11 pull out the next time they call 
 me, Jim, and I'll tell you when I see 
 them, so you can let go my hand. You 
 won't mind, will you, old friend? She 
 was always so timid and she's afraid 
 to go 'round without me." 
 
 " Hush, Danny, please! ' Jim 
 pleaded. 
 
 " It's all right, Jim, I won't talk," 
 Danny sighed. 
 
 99
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 The cheap clock on the bureau ticked 
 on noisily through the darkness. 
 
 Danny stirred again and whispered, 
 11 Jim, that big curtain worries me. 
 Do you think God has me on the black 
 list and won't let me join her and the 
 little boy? " 
 
 " No, Danny; please don't," Jim 
 whispered back. 
 
 " You don't think God would give 
 me my notice just because I interpo- 
 lated a lot of shine talk in the part He 
 gave me to play, do you, Jim? ' 
 
 " No, Danny; try to sleep, like a 
 good old pal," Jim urged. 
 
 11 Jim! " 
 
 " Yes, Danny! " 
 
 " Could you do a bit of a prayer, 
 Jim; it might take that curtain up 
 again. ' ' 
 
 Jim tried to make light of the re- 
 quest. "I'm afraid I'd fluff, Danny, 
 100
 
 The Two Pals 
 
 I haven 't been cast for a part like that 
 since I was a kid and I don't believe 
 I could make good." 
 
 " Can't you say Now I Lay Me! " 
 pleaded Danny. 
 
 Jim knelt by the bedside. " Please, 
 God, ' ' he said brokenly ; ' * please don 't 
 get critical, because I'm fishing for 
 lines and there isn't any prompt book 
 here to put me next. God, please, if 
 Danny is booked in Heaven won't You 
 cancel his dates for a while and let 
 him play here with me, because it '11 be 
 so lonely without him. I know I'm 
 selfish, God; but mother used to tell 
 me that You are all love and gentle- 
 ness, and You'll forgive me and let 
 Danny stay, won't you, God! Danny 
 never did anyone a wrong in all his life, 
 and You have so many like him up there 
 with You that he can be excused for a 
 while, can't he, God! I know I'm only 
 101
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 a piker at praying, but if You'll let 
 Danny be witb me for a while we'll 
 both get up in our lines and do the 
 square thing, and and and I'm all 
 in amen! ' 
 
 ' ' Now I Lay Me, ' ' whispered Danny. 
 
 Jim brushed the tears away and went 
 on, " Now I lay me down to sleep, I 
 pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I 
 should die before I wake I pray the 
 Lord my soul to take amen! ' 
 
 Jim buried his face in the coverlet 
 and sobbed like a child. Through the 
 darkness Danny put out his hand and 
 patted Jim on the head. 
 
 Then silence fell, while the faint light 
 of the stars came through the window 
 and sought to comfort them. 
 
 102
 
 CHAPTER SEVEN 
 
 THE CUETAIN FALLS 
 
 JHEN Jim with heavy eyes 
 looked up Dr. Humphreys 
 was smiling. 
 
 " He's sleeping," the 
 doctor said; " the fever 
 has gone down and we'll 
 pull him through all 
 right." 
 
 With a heart grown suddenly light 
 Jim hurried off to tell the good news 
 to Amy and Colonel Harbell. That they 
 were both pleased goes without saying, 
 for Danny occupied a very high place 
 in their good graces. 
 
 Colonel Harbell 's wound proved not 
 at all serious and soon yielded to treat- 
 103
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 merit. The fact that he had found his 
 daughter added so much to his peace 
 of mind that his recovery was quick 
 indeed. 
 
 Jim Hickey took the first opportu- 
 nity to tell Colonel Harbell all about 
 Sam Bishop and his cowardly act of 
 desertion. The Colonel was furious and 
 wanted to put detectives on the trail 
 of the missing manager, but Jim 
 pointed out that such a plan would 
 only bring shame and sorrow upon 
 Amy. 
 
 " He's a kite," Jim said to the 
 Colonel. " He 'a up in the air now but 
 he 's got to bump sooner or later. Pass 
 him up, Colonel, and try to side-step 
 when Amy gets curious about him. 
 She thinks he 's still in Chicago because 
 I've been cooking an occasional tele- 
 gram so's to keep her from getting 
 restless." 
 
 104
 
 The Curtain Falls 
 
 11 What do you mean, Jim? " the 
 Colonel asked in amazement. 
 
 Jim told him how, with the kindly 
 connivance of Jabe Meade, he had 
 manufactured telegrams which bore all 
 the earmarks of having been sent from 
 Chicago by Sam Bishop to his wife in 
 Pikehaven. 
 
 " It kept her from beating tattoos," 
 Jim explained. " If Jabe and I hadn't 
 kept the wires hot she would have 
 walked up Foolish Street long ago. She 
 doesn't know what we know, Colonel, 
 and it 's up to you to stand between her 
 and the megaphone as long as you can. 
 She still believes Sam Bishop to be the 
 real slice of cake, so you want to let 
 her keep on thinking that way until 
 the opportunity is ripe to put her wise, 
 but not just yet, Colonel. ' ' 
 
 " You're right, Jim," the Colonel 
 agreed. 
 
 105
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 " The sooner you get her back with 
 the old folks once again in Chicago the 
 easier it'll be to throw the sledge at 
 that Bishop onion," Jim went on. 
 " There's no place like home, Colonel; 
 and I ought to know because I never 
 had one." 
 
 11 We'll not stir one step from this 
 town, Jim, until our good friend, Dan- 
 ny, is on his feet, and that 's flat ! ' ' the 
 Colonel said emphatically. " You boys 
 stood by us and we'll stand by you 
 well, rather! ' 
 
 A week went by. Danny's progress 
 along the road to health was rapid. 
 One thing worried and fretted him, 
 however, and that was the fact that he 
 had proven false to his trust and had 
 dropped asleep instead of carefully 
 watching his little charge. 
 
 He said as much to Mrs. Stump who 
 sat by his bedside one afternoon. 
 106
 
 The Curtain Falls 
 
 . i 
 
 My patience! " the old lady ex- 
 claimed; " don't let that worry you. 
 As Ira D. Sankey puts it. 
 
 ' Sleep hath the gift of sweet restoring 
 And no man knoweth when he's snoring ! ' 
 
 Many's the time I've woke up in the 
 night and kept a'sayin' that proverb 
 to Peter Stump till he flopped over and 
 ceased to repine through his nostrils. 
 No, Mr. Danny, they ain't no call for 
 you to be flustered acause you took a 
 cat-nap after nussin' and tendin' the 
 wounded and the afflicted all the 
 blessed night. As Ira D. Sankey puts 
 it, 
 
 'Be thou as ehaste as ice or snow, 
 The world don't want to have thee so ! ' 
 
 The meaning of that is, Mr. Danny, that 
 
 they's always a passel of fools in the 
 
 world ready to find fault with them as 
 
 107
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 does accordin' to Nature. I'd just like 
 to hear somebody say in my presence 
 that you exceeded your duty when you 
 took them forty winks my patience! 
 The ways of Providence is past all find- 
 in' out and they ain't no doubt in my 
 mind but that fool hoss was sent a'gal- 
 lopin' and cavortin' over your carcass 
 as some kind of a blessin' in disguise. 
 Peter Stump were a blessin' in disguise 
 till he took to drinkin' likker and then 
 the disguise dropped from him as the 
 lily of the field drops before the reaper 
 whose name is Death. As Ira Sankey 
 puts it, 
 
 ' Man that is born of woman kind 
 Must toe the scratch and never mind ! ' 
 
 My patience! you ain't got no call to 
 worry about such trifles. If I was you 
 I'd just glory in that cat-nap, seein' as 
 how the child is safe, and you ain't so 
 
 108
 
 The Curtain Falls 
 
 bunged up you can 't swaller a bowl full 
 of my beef tea. Peter Stump just loved 
 my make of soups and the like of that. 
 I've seen that poor man drink himself 
 into a stupor just so's he could be sick 
 enough the next day to have me feed 
 him beef tea with a spoon." 
 
 Mrs. Stump paused and glanced at 
 her audience and when she saw that 
 Danny was peacefully sleeping under 
 the influence of her oratory, she sighed 
 and tiptoed out of the room. 
 
 Thanks to the untiring thoughtful- 
 ness of Amy, Dr. Humphreys, Jim and 
 Mrs. Stump and the Colonel, to say 
 nothing of Li'l Bill, Danny's strength 
 soon returned. 
 
 The Colonel and Jim were with him 
 when for the first time the doctor per- 
 mitted Danny to walk around the room. 
 
 " I want you boys to come with me 
 to Chicago," the Colonel said, " and 
 109
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 I'm not prepared to take no for an 
 answer, either." 
 
 Jim laughed, " Sorry, Colonel, but 
 we're due in St. Louis, eh, Danny? ' 
 
 ' ' Sure, rehearsals begin right away, ' ' 
 grinned Danny. " We open in three 
 weeks with the Co. that 's playing ' The 
 Splinter In the Elbow.' I play the 
 splinter and the manager gives us both 
 the elbow on pay night." 
 
 11 And I'm due to sing that new and 
 touching ballad entitled, ' Peeping 
 Through the Knot-hole in Papa's 
 Wooden Leg! ' ' Jim chirped. 
 
 ' ' Be serious, boys ! ' ' the Colonel ad- 
 monished. " I mean just what I say. 
 I want you as my guests in Chicago 
 and you'll have to come." 
 
 " Nix, Colonel," Jim answered, so- 
 berly. * * Not now. Take Amy and the 
 kiddie home and give her a chance to 
 forget the troupers." 
 110
 
 The Curtain Falls 
 
 " What! " the Colonel exclaimed; 
 11 forget you and Danny! Absurd! 
 My daughter and I don 't believe in for- 
 getting our friends." 
 
 The Colonel pleaded but Jim and 
 Danny turned deaf ears. " We'll bill 
 the town some day, Colonel, and play 
 a week stand with you, but you'll have 
 to release us for the present. There's 
 a fat part in a comic show waiting for 
 Danny in St. Louis and he won't be 
 happy till he gets it." 
 
 So the Colonel was forced to be con- 
 tent with their vague promises to visit 
 him at some future time. 
 
 That evening Jim and the Colonel sat 
 in the room with Danny and looked 
 over the newspapers. 
 
 Jim was reading fictitious telegrams 
 for Danny's amusement. 
 
 " Here's one, Danny!" Jim chuckled. 
 " It 's dated New York and it says, ' A 
 111
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 dispatch from Pikehaven, Illinois, to 
 this paper, says that Danny Dean, the 
 celebrated actor, tried to do the chariot 
 race scene from Ben Hur in the main 
 street, but the horse slipped and kicked 
 Danny in his presence of mind. Mr. 
 Dean refused to take an encore and the 
 spectators demanded their money back, 
 so the policemen had to make good." 
 
 Danny grinned and the Colonel 
 looked on with an amused smile. 
 
 " Here's another great Scott! ' ; 
 Jim's tone changed suddenly. " What 
 the devil is this? ' He arose quickly 
 and closed the door. " Say, I'm weak 
 all over. Listen to this, will you, and 
 it's on the level I ' 
 
 Jim's hands trembled as he held the 
 newspaper nearer the light. " Padu- 
 cah, Kentucky. An express train on 
 the B. Q. & L. ran into an open switch 
 twenty-two miles west of here last 
 112
 
 The Curtain Falls 
 
 night and was wrecked. A man and 
 a woman were killed and several others 
 were injured. From letters found in 
 his pocket the dead man was identified 
 as Samuel Bishop, a theatrical mana- 
 ger. The satchel belonging to the dead 
 woman bore the initials I. M., but her 
 identity is not known." 
 
 ' ' God 's grace ! ' ' said Danny. ' ' Then 
 Amy need never know the truth! " 
 
 " She loved him, boys, or she would 
 never have left home as she did," 
 the Colonel said, feelingly. " She 
 need never know the truth, but I'll 
 always feel that I'm a better father 
 to her if I telegraph money down there 
 to have that poor devil decently 
 buried. ' ' 
 
 " It 's too late, Colonel ! ' ' Jim sighed. 
 " This paper is four days old." 
 
 The next day at noon the Colonel, 
 his daughter and her little son left the 
 113
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 Commercial House for the depot to 
 board the Chicago Express. Mrs. 
 Stump, decked out in sombre black, 
 with here and there an ornament of 
 ancient days, led the procession with 
 the Colonel. Amy, escorted on either 
 side by Jim and Marmaduke, followed 
 closely, while Danny, talking earnestly 
 to the listening " Li'l Bill," brought 
 up the rear. 
 
 Jabe Meade, followed by the ever- 
 whistling Panegyric, came smilingly 
 forth to meet them at the depot and 
 busied himself over their baggage. 
 
 "I'm almost heart-broken to have to 
 leave all my more than kind friends in 
 Pikehaven," Amy said, shaking hands 
 as Marmaduke insisted for the seventh 
 time. " In spite of all our troubles 
 and terrifying experiences I've been 
 happy, for I found my dear, good 
 father again. And I've been happy, 
 114
 
 The Curtain Falls 
 
 too, in the friendship of Jim, anu 
 Danny, and you, dear Mrs. Stump." 
 
 She paused and Marmaduke sighed 
 pathetically. 
 
 11 Oh, yes, and you, too, Marma- 
 duke! ' Amy continued, hurriedly. 
 " But I'll be so glad to see my home 
 again. Daddy says my room is just 
 as I left it nearly three years ago 
 isn't that perfectly fine! And, besides, 
 Mrs. Stump, you know Sam will be 
 there my husband, I mean! ' 
 
 The Colonel took Jim's arm and the 
 two strolled away, talking earnestly. 
 
 Danny was seated on a truck giving 
 Li'l Bill his last horse-back ride, and 
 the baby was yelling, " Make'm go 
 fas', Danny! gallup'm! gallup'm! >: 
 
 ' l My patience ! ' ' Mrs. Stump said to 
 Amy; " they's always a husband bob- 
 bin' up to vex us with their uncertain- 
 ness. As Ira D. Sankey puts it, 
 115
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 'Beyond the sky, beyond the grave 
 Will husbands learn how to behave ! ' 
 
 I never could reason that out, Amy. 
 Mebbe so and mebbe not. I expec' 
 when I reach that Heavingly Land, 
 where Greenland's icy mountings flow 
 down their coral strand, I expec' the 
 fuss person I meet will be Peter Stump 
 and he'll say, l Maw, I got such a mis- 
 ery in the small of my back, I wisht 
 you'd rub it fer me! ' 
 
 Amy laughed. " You'll be sure to 
 come and make me a real long visit in 
 Chicago this winter, won't you, Mrs. 
 Stump, and bring Marmaduke," she 
 added when that gentleman's face grew 
 eager. 
 
 " Thirtenly, thirtenly, Mithith Bith- 
 op," he accepted with spirit^ " And 
 we'll go to all the theaterth and thee 
 all the burlethks and have thuch a 
 
 thpree! ' 
 
 116
 
 The Curtain Falls 
 
 " Like father like son," Mrs. Stump 
 said, proudly. " As Ira D. Sankey 
 puts it, 
 
 ' Oh, man is born to squanderate 
 And be a howlin' profligate ! ' ' 
 
 " Nonsense, my boy! " the Colonel 
 was saying to Jim as they joined the 
 others. "I'm better able to judge 
 these matters than you are. Mrs. 
 Stump has my instructions with re- 
 gard to all bills. From the moment 
 you came to my rescue in that vacant 
 lot yonder you became my guests, and 
 that settles the matter finally. The 
 debt of gratitude my daughter and I 
 owe you two young men can never be 
 repaid, but I'll not lose sight of you, 
 never fear." 
 
 " No, indeed, Jim," Amy added; 
 " you and Danny will be ever in our 
 thoughts, and I'll teach Li'l Bill to re- 
 member you, too, Danny! ' 
 117
 
 Jim Hickey 
 
 The express puffed haughtily into 
 the depot; the last farewells were saidj 
 the passengers climbed on board and 
 the train moved on again, leaving in 
 sadness the little group at the depot. 
 
 " My patience! " Mrs. Stump said, 
 fluttering her handkerchief wildly. ' * I 
 don't believe I've sniffled as much sence 
 the day your poor father was carried 
 from our lovin' presence, Mannaduke. 
 Them folks surely did take a tight grip 
 on my heart seem' they wasn't neither 
 kith or kin to us. As Ira D. Sankey 
 puts it. 
 
 'The shades of night were fallin' fast 
 So what is over must be past ! ' 
 
 They has my best wishes and God blest 
 them! " Then Mrs. Stump, followed 
 by Mannaduke, the last of his race, 
 went slowly back to take up the reins 
 118
 
 "They has my best wishes and God blest 
 them!" said Mrs. Stump. Page 118
 
 The Curtain Falls 
 
 of office again in Pikehaven's oldest 
 and only hotel. 
 
 Two big tears were in Danny's eyes 
 as the train finally disappeared and he 
 turned to his friend. ' ' Jim, that little 
 kiddie was an awful hit with me! " 
 was all he said. 
 
 " Now, Danny, back to the ham- 
 mock for yours! " Jim said cheerily. 
 " You've had enough excitement for 
 one day. To-morrow we do a hot-foot 
 for the West, you know, and the curves 
 on these railroads aren't silk-lined 
 yet." 
 
 "Me! why I'm old Dr. Sandow," 
 Danny answered. "I've got an en- 
 gagement. Don't you remember, I 
 promised Jabe I'd cut up a little for 
 the home folks, so we'll ring up if Maw 
 isn't ailing. Will you play straight 
 for me, Jim? " 
 
 " To the finish, Danny," said Jim. 
 (THE E:ND.)
 
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