BERTRAND SMITHS ACRES 140 PACH'.'C AVENUE CM. CAUF- cC/A - - "i The corner near the bake 'shop , where Lucille Cor beau lived One Year of Pierrot 13 came in, I told him at once I could not eat another mouthful myself until my baby had broken his fast. "He is very good but he cannot live upon air," I said. I think he saw at last that I must have my way in this, for he only nodded. "Very well," he said. "But understand for to-day only twenty minutes by the clock. Then in six hours another twenty minutes by the clock. So only four dinners may that starving rascal have." That morning I nursed my Pierrot for the first time. It was as wonderful as when I held my baby for the first time. Each thing I did for Pierrot made him more and more part of me, but this made him of my very self. His eyes not yet open, he pressed his warm lips against my breast and I felt them and closed my own eyes for joy. He nursed as though famished and then slept a little and then nursed once more. I knew I was giving of my strength to him, and it was so good to share that with Pierrot. It is possible to share many things with those we love but it is only possible to share like this with one's baby. It was as if he drank with his food also my love and my prayers. From the moment I first heard his cry I had loved my Pierrot, but it was not until now that I felt myself to be really and truly the mother of Pierrot. Until now Pierrot had been like some great gift of God at which I could only marvel as 14 One Year of Pierrot if I had no part in it, but it was never like that again after Pierrot had lain at my breast. He was still of God, for only God could give so wonderful a gift, but he was of me too. And though to some it may not seem gracious to the good God to feel as I did, I must be honest and tell that it made me glad to have him of me too. After this, when Madame Lacroix took my baby to care for, I did not mind so much as at first. I knew that even if Pierrot suffered Madame to walk with him, it was to me he must always return for his strength. Now I could drink my broth and watch her carry him back and forth singing, "La, la, la," to him without any great desire to leap from my bed. I am glad to tell this because I do not like anyone to think I bore ill- will towards Madame or that I was altogether a little fool even if she said I was. But sometimes I thought she came to my room and took my Pierrot more often than was necessary. Once that day, when he was sleeping, she seized him from my arms and he cried. So I said : "I see no reason why you should trouble him now. " "Bah! what do you know about it?" she said to me. " I know when he rests, " I said. "You know nothing nothing at all," she told me. "The good God should give babies to those who know about babies. " She said this in such a terrible voice I was frightened. One Year of Pierrot 15 "How is one to know about babies unless one has a baby?" I asked of her. I did not mean any more than I said, but she grew very red in the face and looked at me in such a way that I would have hidden beneath the blanket had I not been afraid she would do harm to Pierrot. "You say that to me," she said in a voice so loud it made my Pierrot start. "You who have not yet been born eighteen years say that to me who saw babies before your mother was born. That is enough to show how much you know!" And all the time that she was putting fresh clothes upon Pierrot she talked to herself, and whenever she saw my eyes, she said, "Bah." I think her man Jean must have heard her, for after she had gone, the door to my room opened a little way not more than the thickness of a card and Jean spoke to me in a whisper. "It goes well? " he said. "Oh, yes, Monsieur Jean," I said. "And with you?" "As always," he said. "Do not heed what Madame says to you. It is her way. " "I know," I said. "After a little I will not heed." "And the baby is well?" he said. "Oh, he is wonderful, Monsieur Jean!" I said. " Would you like to see my baby? " For a moment he did not speak, and then the door opened wider. 16 One Year of Pierrot " Can I see from here? " he said. "Of course you cannot," I said. "But if you come here by my side, I will show you the top of his head." " If Madame ever learned, " he said, "Mon Dieu, she would kill me! But I should love to see him." He was so very much frightened that I could not help laughing and that gave him courage. So looking back over his shoulder, he came in and I raised the blanket just a little. He leaned over and saw. Then he said to me : " Mon Dieu what a wonderful baby ! " "You think so?" I said. "I never saw such a wonderful baby," he told me. "And you have met many other babies so that you know?" I said, because I wished to make sure he understood about babies. "Thousands of babies but never another like this one," he said. I always liked Monsieur Jean. He was a very fine man and it is a great pity that he was un- happily married. He put his hand in his pocket and found there a bag containing ten marbles. " He would like these? " he said. ' ' Thank you, ' ' I said. ' ' I will keep them till he wakes." He went out then on the tip of his toes as he had come in and closed the door behind him softly so that Pierrot should not hear. But a moment later my heart stood still, for I knew by the loud talk below that Madame had discovered One Year of Pierrot 17 him. She was scolding in her most terrible voice. "You good-for-nothing," she said to Jean. "You dared go into that room when I commanded you not to go even upon the stairs?" I trembled for fear Jean would tell that I had asked him to enter and that then Madame would come to me. But Jean said nothing. Then I was sorry that he said nothing, for I heard the sound of blows and knew that Jean was receiving them for me. I tried to call out the truth to Madame, but Pierrot moved in his blankets so that I did not dare call again. It was necessary for me to lie there and hear those blows until I felt sick at heart and faint. It was so cruelly done that I thought I could never permit Madame to touch Pierrot again, and I put my arms tight around him and tried not to hear. But it was necessary to listen in order to know when the blows stopped and then I heard her say this : "You beggar of the street, it is well possible you have killed them both. That would serve you well eh? To be hung upon a gibbet for all the world to point at and say, ' There hangs the worth- less husband of Madame Lacroix.' That would give me a fine name eh? " Those were terrible words and I heard Jean say something but I know not what. Then I heard her say: "It matters nothing if you remained but the half of a second. Doctor Jambeau said no one 1 8 One Year of Pierrot was to open that door. If both die in the night of a cold, then it is you who are the cause. Out of the house with you." I heard the door close and knew that Jean had gone to think over all she said. I myself grew afraid, not for myself but for Pierrot. I had lifted the blanket for only a moment and had put it back quickly and the door had not been open very wide, but Pierrot was so small and had been here such a little while that sometimes I felt that if I missed as much as one breath myself, then he too would stop breathing. He was so very near to Heaven from which he had just come that it seemed as if the lightest wind might blow him back again. So I did not dare sleep until after Doctor Jambeau came. I said nothing to him, but I watched him sharply as he took Pierrot and looked at him and then I said: "He is quite well?" "I know a Countess who would give ten thou- sand francs if her baby were as well as this rascal," he told me. " But he must have his bath. I will call Madame Lacroix. " So I breathed better after that, and when Madame came in I told her what the doctor said, in hope she would tell Jean, but she answered nothing. Then Doctor Jambeau said to Madame : " Do you know how to bathe an infant?" "But, yes, certainly," said Madame. "Then, " he said, "make a fire in that stove and I will watch and see. " One Year of Pierrot 19 When Madame went out to find wood, I said to Doctor Jambeau : "Is it not possible forme myself to bathe my Pierrot?" "Bah!" he said. "Do you play the Countess while you can." " But I do not like to play the Countess if so it is played, " I said. He threw back his head when I said that and laughed until the tears came into his eyes, and then he stopped and came to my side and put his hand upon my head and said so gently that it was as if some other man were speaking: "My child, it is the Countess who should play the mother of Pierrot for a little. But helas! it would be easier for you to play the Countess than for the Countess to play you. So it goes in this world." "Who is this Countess you tell me of?" I said. Then he told me of the Countess de Beauchamp, who too had a little baby born one week before my Pierrot, and the baby was very ill indeed, and would not eat. This little baby, who some day would be a noble Count if he lived, found nothing at his mother's breast and turned from all other breasts and from all other food. The good Doctor Jambeau shook his head sadly and, as for me, my heart bled for the Countess. " But why is it the Countess has nothing for her baby? " I said to Doctor Jambeau. 20 One Year of Pierrot "She has not lived as you have lived," he said to me. " But she has had everything with which to live, and I have had nothing, " I said. "So. It is better to have too little than too much," he said with a sad smile. "She has had too much. " I did not understand and do not yet understand, for with money it is possible to buy many things, but after this, if ever I wished myself a great lady, I thought of this noble Countess and her little baby. "I will pray for her, " I said. "She needs your prayers," he said to me. "I will tell her that you pray for her. " Madame Lacroix came back with her apron full of wood and made a great fire in the white porcelain stove, and soon the room was very warm. Then near the stove she placed a basin of water, and Doctor Jambeau gave to her a cloth and some soap, and some oil which he had brought with him. He sat back in his chair after that and said nothing and looked at her as she took Pierrot from his blanket and his bands. It was then for the first time I saw all of my Pierrot. He was very red but he was so fat I laughed. He was beautiful from his head to his little toes, which were curled up. There were creases all over him, he was so fat. But when Madame stooped and raised my Pierrot, Doctor Jambeau called to her. "Attention," he said. "He is not a sausage, One Year of Pierrot 21 that baby, to be seized like that. Hold him beneath the arms. " "I know," said Madame Lacroix. "I was preparing to do that." I was so fearful she might drop my Pierrot that I rose to my elbow and then Doctor Jambeau called out to me. He was terrible, and with a glance of his eye made both men and women obey him. I fell back again but I could see. For all Madame pretended to know, she knew nothing. It was necessary for him to show her everything. Mafoi, she would bathe my Pierrot as if he were a soiled rag, and he with his eyes but scarcely opened. And yet every time Doctor Jambeau told her to do this or to do that she said to him, "I know. I was preparing to do that. " Her hands were very large and she was not so gentle as I liked, but after her fashion she made him clean and rubbed him with oil and put him back in his clothes without mishap. I was glad enough when he came home. After this I gave him his dinner, and while he nursed hungrily, I prayed for the Countess and the little Count. CHAPTER III Fwas in the night when I was nursing my Pierrot for the fourth time that I heard a noise outside my door. I thought it was a mouse and said nothing. All was quiet for a minute and then the noise came again, and it was not like a mouse that time. So I called as low as I could: "Who goes there?" I received no answer, and then I became afraid and called louder: "Who goes there?" Then I heard the voice of Monsieur Jean. "In the name of God," he said in a whisper, "do not call." "What do you wish, Jean?" "You still live? "he said. " Have you gone foolish? " I said to him. "And the baby he still lives?" he said in a voice that shook. Then I remembered what Madame had told him and I almost laughed and almost cried. It was the middle of the night, and there was poor Jean out there in the cold come to see if we both lived. It was a very brave thing I can tell you, and yet people about the village laughed at him as a coward. If Madame had 22 'Jean Lacroix One Year of Pierrot 23 found him, I do not like to think of what she would have done. There was a man in that Jean. "Enter and see if we both live," I said to him. "Mon Dieu, I dare not, " he said to me. " It is enough to hear your voice. " But I could not let him go after he had dared so much without telling him how brave I thought he was, so I said to him : "Enter, I wish a glass of water." Then he opened the door and closed it softly behind him and stood in the dark. " Have you a match? " I said. "It is better if I do not strike a match," he said. "The water is on the table," I said. "But take care. And Jean it was gallant of you not to tell Madame it was I who asked you to enter." "Would a man do anything else, Madame?" he said. "Not you, Jean." "And the little one he is well?" "You should see him eat, " I said. " He is like a famished soldier. " " God be praised, " he said. "Madame wished only to make you afraid," I told him. "I went to the church and prayed all the day. It is that which saved you both. " "Thank you, Jean." 41 1 will bring you the water, " he said. 24 One Year of Pierrot Then he moved slowly towards the table and the next thing I heard was when he fell over a chair and came to the floor with a noise like a cannon. I held my breath and for a moment he did not move, and then he rose. "Run!" I said. "Run as fast as you can!" But that Jean what do you think he did? He went on and brought me the glass of water before he would run to save himself. It is one thing to tell about such matters after they have passed, but it is another thing to live through them. I shook all over so that I could not hold the glass, while he ran out as quick as he could. And then I did not dare move for the matter of an hour. And yet nothing came of this. Madame did not wake and never knew. On the day that my Pierrot was three days old Monsieur Jack Martin sent me a letter by the post which I have saved. He wrote like this: "Villa Cornice. " DEAR MADAME: " Doctor Jambeau informs me that you have a very fine son. Please accept my congratulations. I trust that when you are sufficiently recovered, you will do me the favour of entering my service as housekeeper. I will pay you thirty francs per week and furnish room and board for you and your son. There is no haste, but I thought you might like to keep this in mind in case you have no other plans. One Year of Pierrot 25 " With best wishes for yourself and your son, I remain, Sincerely yours, " J. R. MARTIN.' It made me cry that letter. And it made me very proud, too, that he called little Pierrot my " son. " To see it written down like that, it was as if Pierrot were already a big man. Until I received that letter from Monsieur Jack Martin, I knew not where I should go with Pierrot when I had the strength to leave my bed, nor what I should do. It had been very difficult to earn enough for rent and for food when I was alone, and I knew that with my baby it would be even more difficult. I had seen that people do not like to have about their houses babies that are not their own. Every time Madame came into the room I thought of this and had fear. But now here was this Monsieur Jack Martin, who was a single man and difficult to please and very sad, who asked me to come to his villa with Pierrot. He would give me thirty francs a week! It was like a miracle performed by the good God. I hid the letter beneath my pillow, and when Madame came in I told her nothing about it, but I cared not after that what she said to me, and nothing about her "Bahs" either. She might " Bah " at me all day long and I cared nothing. But when Doctor Jambeau came in, I showed the letter to him and he read it. 26 One Year of Pierrot "That is good, " he said. "You think Monsieur Jack Martin will love my Pierrot?" I said. " It is possible, " he told me. "But if Pierrot should cry!" I said. "Babies so fat as he do not cry," said Doctor Jambeau. "Good, " I said. "Then will you tell Monsieur Jack Martin that I will come and that he has made me very happy?" " I will do that, " said Doctor Jambeau. "And I think it will be well for that villa to have a baby in it." "I do not know," I said. "But if my Pierrot cries at night, then I will take him away. But it is true that in all his life he has never cried a long time. " "I will tell Monsieur Martin that. I will tell him that the mother who, ma foi, should know gives testimony of her son's good character. " "And will you tell Monsieur Jack Martin also that I wish no money until I have returned to him all he has done for me, " I said. "As you will," said Doctor Jambeau. So that was all arranged and I felt very much at peace. "I have another message for you," said Doctor Jambeau. " It is from the Countess. " "Her baby is better?" "A little better, and she thanks you for your prayers. " One Year of Pierrot 27 "She need not thank me for those," I said. "They are but the prayers of one mother for another mother. " "Eh?" said Doctor Jambeau. He looked at me in a very funny way for a moment, and I have always thought it strange. "The prayers of one mother for another mother," he said over again. " That is true. Nothing is of importance between you but that. It is well. " It was on this day that Madame Lacroix had a great honour, for she took my Pierrot to the church to be christened. Though I gave him then the name of his father, Pierre, I always called him Pierrot because he was so small. CHAPTER IV r- AS long as I was in my bed, Pierrot was like a beautiful doll the most beautiful doll that was ever presented to a young girl at Christmas. I had nothing to do but hold him in my arms. Even when he lay at my breast, I had nothing to do but watch him and smooth his hair and perhaps moisten my finger and remove a speck from the corner of his eye. You would have laughed if you could have seen the face he made up when I did that. He drew back his head and squinted his eyes and pulled at me ferociously. Sometimes he ceased nursing and opened his eyes they were big brown eyes and for a minute looked at me as if about to speak, and then closed them again as if it were not worth the trouble. Perhaps twice in a nursing he would do that. At these times I feared as if a king were looking at me. I feared Pierrot would not find me as beautiful as he hoped. He knew many things even then my Pierrot. He was thinking all the time he was thinking and not knowing of what he thought, it was possible to imagine anything. He thought and said nothing, which does not make one at ease. As soon as I was strong enough to be about my 28 One Year of Pierrot 29 room, all was changed. Then I saw a thousand things to do for Pierrot. You would have thought Madame would have been glad of this, for it left her less to do, but on the contrary, she became angrier than ever. She did not wish me to leave my bed, and the first day I rose scolded me until I was back again. "You had better leave the care of that baby to those who know, " she said to me. "You see how fat and strong he is. Well who has made him fat and strong? It is I. You had better keep your fingers out of this cake. He is not a doll for young girls to play with. " You would have thought I had nothing at all to do with Pierrot to hear her talk. With the letter of Monsieur Jack Martin under my pillow I grew strong very quick, but Madame would not permit me to bathe my Pierrot. " It is necessary to know how to do a thing like that," she told me. "It is possible you might drop him in the basin, and then he would drown before your eyes. How would you like that eh?" Another time she told me: "It is possible you might drop soap into his eyes, and then he would be blind forever. How would you like that eh? " Yet another time she told me: "It is possible he might fall from your knees, and then he would be always like Lucille Corbeau, who is lame. How would you like that eh?" 30 One Year of Pierrot All the time she bathed my Pierrot she told me of one terrible thing and then another that hap- pened to an infant in the north of France and to an infant in the west of France and to an infant in the east of France, until it was as if Madame Lacroix were the only woman in all the world who has never done harm to an infant. At first such things made me tremble, but after a little she told me of so many I felt more like laughing. And what do you think she would not permit me even to wash the clothes of my Pierrot. She removed them from the room. But once, when she brought them back all fresh and clean, I took his little shirt and washed it again. I did that just to show who was the mother of Pierrot, and I hid it outside the window to dry and did not let Madame know. When I was dressed and about my room, Doctor Jambeau said that Lucille might come in to see me, so I told Jean who came to the door one day when Madame was out of the house. Jean told Lucille and Lucille came as I heard afterwards, but Madame would not permit her to enter to see my Pierrot. Jean told me this and I was very angry. The next day I watched from the window, and when I saw Lucille come down the street with her poor lame leg, I called from the window and told her to come up the stairs very softly, and she did. She put her arms around my neck and cried upon my shoulder. One Year of Pierrot 31 "La," I said to her, "there is nothing to cry about. Why do you cry?" "You were so near to death, " she said. "What do you mean?" I said. "I have not been near to death." "But Madame even yesterday told me she did not know if you would live. " "She is marvellous, that Madame," I said to Lucille. "She is the most marvellous liar in all France. Come and see my Pierrot. He sleeps upon the bed." So I took her by the arm and helped her to the side of Pierrot. I drew back the blanket a little and she looked. Then she put her hands together beneath her chin. "He is so beautiful," she said. "He is so beautiful I think that I should pray." "There is no harm," I said. "He is but lately come from Heaven." So she prayed a little and I prayed with her. She prayed, as she had often prayed at the shrines, for the good Christ to help her of her lameness. Now, though I would not speak of this to Father Joseph, I saw no reason why Lucille should not pray for help to a baby lately come from God as well as to the image of a baby. And a marvellous thing came of this, as I shall tell at the proper time. When it was the hour for me to nurse my Pierrot, I permitted Lucille to hold him for a moment, and I laughed because she held him as if he might break like the shell of an egg. 32 One Year of Pierrot " Have no fear, " I said. " My Pierrot is a man baby." "He is an angel baby, " said Lucille in a whisper. She was a fine girl that Lucille Corbeau. Her father, who was a shoemaker, had married again, and this second woman did not like Lucille and called her good-for-nothing. Lucille made beauti- ful pieces of lace for the joy of making them beautiful. But no more did she finish a piece than this woman snatched it away and sold it, keeping every sou. Lucille showed me what she had begun for my Pierrot working upon it in the dark after she was in bed. It was a collar to wear upon his coat. Then Lucille and I talked, with Pierrot lying at my breast, of how some day we would take him to the sea-shore and watch him play with the shells. Lucille told of a place upon the hillside where she went often to knit beneath the olive trees, and we said we would take Pierrot there when he was able to walk. Then we spoke of a place along the road to Villefranche where many wild flowers grew, and we said we would take Pierrot there. We spoke of many other places to which we would go together when Pierrot was a young man. "Pierrot will walk between us," I said. "He will hold your arm and hold my arm. " "Yes, yes," said Lucille. "And if the boys call to me 'Old Lame Foot,' then Pierrot will frighten them away. " "He will do more than that," I said. "They The road to Villefranche One Year of Pierrot 33 had better have a care, those boys who shout such things, when my Pierrot is with you." " I believe you, " said Lucille with her cheeks like red roses. "I suppose all the girls of Villefranche will throw eyes at him, " I said. "But he will not look at them," said Lucille. "I think he will marry some noble woman." "One can never tell," I said. Lucille and I liked to talk like that, and there was no harm done. It is as if it were yesterday. CHAPTER V THE next person to see my Pierrot was Mon- sieur Jack Martin. Every day he sent me something roses from his garden, a glass of orange sweets, a bottle of wine, a basket of fruit, a chicken, and I do not know what. Every morning a boy came bearing a little package with a note pinned upon it which said: "With the compliments of J. R. M." Yet all in the village said he was like a bear and to be feared. Once I heard Louis Dametti, who sells tobacco, say to his boy, when Monsieur Jack Martin had sent to him for some cigars: "Make haste with those. Remember if you are late by so much as one minute, he will cleave off the top of your head. He is what they call in the Americas an Indian." You should have seen that boy run all the way. Monsieur Farierre, who sells wine, told me, when I went there to wash the floors before Pierrot came, of this. Monsieur Jack Martin bought of him some wine a dozen bottles. The next day Monsieur Jack Martin called him to the house and he went. 34 One Year of Pierrot 35 "'This wine is sour,'" Monsieur Jack Martin told him. "'It is not possible,'" said Monsieur Farierre. Monsieur Jack Martin brought forth the dozen bottles, one of which he had tasted. Then he poured some into a big glass and gave it to Mon- sieur Farierre and bade him drink. Monsieur Farierre drank a little and put down the glass. " 'To my tongue it is sweet, ' " he said. '"Then,"' said Monsieur Jack Martin, "'do me the favour to drink the rest of the bottle. ' ' Monsieur Farierre began to talk, but he did not speak four words before Monsieur Jack Martin seized a bottle and broke it at his feet. Then he seized another and broke that at his feet. Mon- sieur Farierre, thinking Monsieur Jack Martin had lost his wits, began to run, and Monsieur Jack Martin seized as many bottles as he could carry and ran after him. All the way to the store Monsieur Jack Martin followed and broke at the feet of Monsieur Farierre a bottle every time Monsieur Farierre turned to look over his shoulder. And when Monsieur Farierre was upon the point of calling a gendarme, Monsieur Jack Martin laughed and laughed and paid for every bottle, saying he regretted nothing save that he had not bought two dozen bottles. I tell of these things to show how strange it was that when Monsieur Jack Martin had such a reputation in the village, he should be so kind to my Pierrot. But I found many times that it is 36 One Year of Pierrot not possible to know people by what is said of them in the village. It was on a Wednesday and the day my Pierrot was seventeen days old. His weight upon that day was eight whole pounds and nine ounces over, which Doctor Jambeau said was a very fine weight. " It is neither too much nor too little, " he said. "And the baby of the Countess how much is his weight?" I asked. "The baby of the Countess does not yet weigh four pounds," he said with a slow shake of his head. "Sometimes," I said, "it does not seem right that my Pierrot should thrive better than a noble Count." "Would you exchange your baby for the noble Count?" he said to me. My faith, he made me fear that moment that Doctor Jambeau. I held my Pierrot as tight as I could and stood ready near the door. "There, there," he said with a smile. "It is beyond understanding, but I do not think the Countess would exchange that poor little four pounds for your great, healthy eight pounds of boy." "My Pierrot weighs eight pounds and nine ounces, " I told him. "Well," he said with a laugh, "it would do no good even to add for good measure that nine ounces." "But I should not care if my Pierrot weighed One Year of Pierrot 37 only four pounds, I would not exchange him for a noble Count weighing ten pounds," I told him. "You see," he said, "such matters are very poorly arranged. But I have two things which I forgot." He put his hand into a great bag which he always carried with him, and brought out a package. "With the compliments of the Countess de Beauchamp, " he said, giving it to me. "From the Countess to me?" I said, not believ- ing the Countess could remember me. "She passed it to me with her own hands," he said. "I am certain it is not for me because it is too small. " I unfolded the paper, and there I found a beauti- ful dress for Pierrot. It was of fine linen with lace upon it like the web of a spider. It was such a dress as the noble Count himself might wear. It was such a gracious thing for this beautiful Countess to do to remember my Pierrot when her heart was near to breaking over her own poor baby that it made my throat ache. For a minute, as I held it, I could not speak. Then I said, trying hard not to cry because I know to cry is very silly : "You will extend to her my respectful thanks?" "Truly," said Doctor Jambeau. I desired very much to return the compliment but could think of nothing to give but one of the shells Lucille had presented to Pierrot. So I chose one of these a pretty pink one and handed it to Doctor Jambeau. 38 One Year of Pierrot "For the baby," I said, "from Pierrot." He took it and put it in his purse and said that he would present it that afternoon. It was not until then that Doctor Jambeau remembered another thing. It was as he was leaving, and he turned back at the door. "My faith," he said, "you would think I was the government post the way people send pack- ages and messages by me. It was Monsieur Martin who asked me to learn if you and your son would receive him at three o'clock to-day. " It was so great an honour that for the second time this morning I found myself upon the point of crying. " He is so very good, " I said to Doctor Jambeau. " Take him how you will, he is very interesting, " said Doctor Jambeau. "You will receive him then?" "I receive Monsieur Jack Martin?" I said. "It is Monsieur Jack Martin who receives me. If you will have the goodness to tell Madame Lacroix so that she will not receive him first, I will thank you. " "That Madame Lacroix," he said with a laugh. *' Sometimes I myself fear to enter. But you may trust Monsieur Martin to go where he will. Ah those Americans! They are superior to kings. " And truly, I have thought sometimes that Monsieur Jack Martin must be a king in his own country. He spoke with such an air and walked One Year of Pierrot 39 with such an air, fearing no man. He would talk with a prince or a beggar of the streets, and cared not which, if so the man pleased him. It was the same with women. He asked only that a woman should not tire him with her talk. I began at once to make ready for Monsieur Jack Martin, putting all things in order about the room. I swept the floor and dusted the chairs and tried to wash the windows a little. Madame came up when I was doing that and stood with her hands upon her hips. She said nothing for a minute and watched me. Then she said: "You are preparing for that American eh?" "Yes, Madame," I said. Then she said: " Have a care he does not steal that infant. " "What do you mean?" I said. "I mean what I say," she told me. "Once in the town of Mentone there was a woman had an infant. My cousin told me about it. It was a fine infant and my cousin knows a woman who knew a woman who saw it. One day one of these Americans passed by and spoke to it. Another day this American passed by and gave it money. Well, it was not a week after thjs that the infant was seen no more nor the American either. " "But is it known that this American stole that baby?" I said. "It is never possible to know such thtngs ab- solutely," said Madame. "But they say this 40 One Year of Pierrot infant was taken into the forests of America and grew up there like an animal and became a wild man. They tell stories to-day in Mentone about that infant." "Well," I said, "it was not Monsieur Jack Martin who stole that infant, was it?" " It was an American and they are all the same, " she said. I tell this not because it is true, but because for a long time I was sorry she told it to me. It is not possible to forget such things in a minute, and sometimes, when I awoke at night, I thought of that baby in the forests. At two o'clock I dressed myself, and then I put upon Pierrot the gown that Madame the Countess had given to me. You should have seen him. He looked like a young noble. It was as if he were made for fine dresses. And he wore it like a noble too. It was always so with my Pierrot what- ever you put upon him, he carried it like a prince. I remember once that Monsieur Jack Martin placed upon the thumb of my Pierrot a ring of the value of a fortune, and Pierrot wore it as if it were a piece of string. It became his hand well, but as for, him, he cared nothing about it. It was as if where he came from he had so many things of that kind to play with that they were no longer of interest to him. I remember Monsieur Jack Martin said something strange about this. " It is possible that before he came here he was a prince," he said. One Year of Pierrot 41 I do not know. But that is what Monsieur Jack Martin said. It was as the clocks in the church were striking three that Madame Lacroix came up with a card in her hand, which she held on the edge between her two fingers. Her face was like the sky before a shower. "Bah," she said as she threw it in my lap, "we are getting to be a very fine lady eh?" "It is not my fault," I said. "I did not give you the card. " "He is below," she said. "Shall I go below to see him?" I said. " Bah. I do not care if you go below or above, " she said. " But have a care of that infant. " Then I looked up and saw Monsieur Jack Martin at my door, and I could not move and I knew my cheeks were very red. He entered with his hat in one hand and with roses in the other. "Well," he said, "may I come in?" "Please, "I said. Madame made him a curtsey and hastened to leave, while I myself was unable to move. He approached me and gave me the roses. I held the baby towards him. "This is Pierrot," I said. CHAPTER VI NOW this was the first time my Pierrot ever saw Monsieur Jack Martin, and yet he was not afraid. He opened his eyes a moment and looked at Monsieur Jack Martin and then closed them again. And Monsieur Jack Martin looked at him a moment and then reached down and took him. If ever I had thought my Pierrot was already grown into a man, I did not think so when I saw him in the arms of Monsieur Jack Martin. There he did not look as big as a kitten. He was so high in the air I feared for him. But Pierrot feared nothing and continued with his nap. I waited to hear what Monsieur Jack Martin would say, but he said nothing but this: "The little devil sleeps." Yes, that was all he said and from anyone else I should not have liked to hear my Pierrot called a little devil. Yet from the lips of Mon- sieur Jack Martin I did not care. It was like a compliment. Then Monsieur Jack Martin with Pierrot in his strong arms walked from the window to the door and then back again to the window and then to the door again walking slowly and saying nothing. 42 One Year of Pierrot 43 I said nothing and watched his face. He was like a giant tall and broad across the shoulders. His hair was as light as that of my Pierrot and he had a great beard which was almost red. His eyes were blue like the sky over the ocean and he had marvellous white teeth, which you saw when he laughed. But when I knew him first, he did not laugh much. He wore a suit of white flannel, which was loose all over him, and a shirt of white, which was loose, and a cravat of dark blue, which was loose. Everything he wore was loose and this became him. I felt always, when I saw Monsieur Jack Martin, that he was a man who needed much room. So he walked with my Pierrot for the matter of ten minutes saying nothing, and I did not have the heart to stop him, though Doctor Jambeau told me it was not well to walk with Pierrot. I think he would have walked like that until dark if my courage had not returned. Twice I tried to tell him before the words came from my lips. Then I said, hardly hearing myself: " Monsieur. " Monsieur Jack Martin answered nothing. Then I said louder; "Monsieur." Still he said nothing. Then I rose from my chair and spoke again. I did not like to do this, but I knew it was very necessary. "Pardon, Monsieur," I said. 44 One Year of Pierrot He 'looked down at me with three deep lines between his eyes. "Well?" he said in a whisper. "Pardon, Monsieur," I said, "but Doctor Jambeau has told me it is not well to walk with Pierrot." "What does Jambeau know about it?" he said. " I do not know, " I said. "As for the boy he sleeps, so what does he know about it?" Monsieur Jack Martin put his finger to his lips and said in a whisper: "We will keep this a secret. We will not tell either of them. " So he began to walk again. I permitted it for another five minutes and then I gained further courage. Once again I approached him. "Pardon, Monsieur," I said. "But Pierrot must return to his bed now." "Eh? "he said. "Truly. He must return to his bed. " I held out my arms for Pierrot, but Monsieur Jack Martin said: "Where is his bed?" I pointed to the place in my own bed where Pierrot always slept, and he went there and put him down very gently. When Monsieur Jack Martin removed his arms, Pierrot opened his eyes and then closed them again, squinting them up and turning down the corners of his mouth. Then One Year of Pierrot 45 he opened that mouth and gave a cry louder than I had ever heard. "You see, " said Monsieur Jack Martin, making as if to take him again. "He would walk some more." "That is the very reason he must not walk any more," I said. I put the blankets over Pierrot and patted him a moment, singing to him while Monsieur Jack Martin stood ready to seize my Pierrot if he did not stop his crying. "It is too bad not to give him what he wishes," said Monsieur Jack Martin. "He is not bigger than a minute." "He is bigger twice over than the baby of the Countess, " I told him. "Then that Countess must carry her baby about in a locket," he said. "But this Pierrot here he is very wise. He knows already what he desires. " "But he does not know already what is good for him, " I said. "Nobody ever learns that," said Monsieur Jack Martin. "Never until it is too late. " Pierrot ceased his crying and slept again, but I could not move Monsieur Jack Martin from the side of the bed. He stood there for a long while saying nothing and then, as if awaking from a dream, he said: "When will you be ready to come?" "It is very good of you, Monsieur " 46 One Year of Pierrot He stopped me there. I shall never forget. "Do not ever say that to me," he said. "I do nothing because it is good. I do what I damn please. " I have written it just as he spoke it. I am sure he meant no harm with his oath. I have learned through Pierrot many things and one is this: it is possible to know more of a man by his manner towards a little baby than by his manner towards anyone already full-grown. Many people have told lies to me, but in all my life I never knew any- one to tell a lie to Pierrot. "When will you be ready to come?" he said. "Within a week." "Good," he said. "Come sooner if you can. I shall have someone else there to help you. " "To help me?" I said. "'But I thought " " Do not think, " he said. "All you have to do is come. " That was his way. I learned after a long time not to talk so much, but I did not know then. He took his hat after this and went out, and as he opened the door, I thought I heard the rustling of the skirts of Madame. I was sure of this when she came, as soon as the door below closed behind Monsieur Jack Martin. She looked at the bed to see if Pierrot was still there. Then she came and stood before me. "I have something to say to you, " she told me. "Well," I said, not liking her air, "I am listen- ing." One Year of Pierrot 47 "It is this; rest here and you need not worry about the rent. Help me with the house and it will not cost you a sou. " I could not understand. This was not like Madame Lacroix, who, it was said, had never in her life given as much as a bowl of soup to a beggar. Such an offer as this from her was like the offer of a fortune from another. It made the tears come to my eyes. "That is very kind of you, " I said. "It is something not everyone would do," she said with a nod. "Truly," I said, "and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. But it is necessary for me to take service. I must earn money." "For what?" she said. "There is Pierrot. He must have clothes." "Bah," said Madame. "We shall find clothes enough for him. " "And I must have clothes for myself." "And for you also." "Then also I must save for Pierrot." I tried to make it seem as difficult as possible, though what I said was all true, in the hope that she would take back her offer. "Pierrot shall not want while he lives here," said Madame. Now would anyone believe such a thing? But that is what she told me. As for me, it was all I could do not to cry because it was like a miracle. 48 One Year of Pierrot "What can I say?" I told her, "except that you are too generous. " "There are not many who would do such a thing," she said with a nod. "And what is your answer?" When one makes an effort to be good and kind, it makes one ashamed to cause that goodness to come to nothing. Yet there was nothing to do but to tell her of what I had promised Monsieur Jack Martin. "I said that I would come to him next week," I told her. Then it was another woman who stood before me. I cannot write down all she said to me. It was too terrible. She told me I was a fool and wicked and ungrateful. Then she said things about Monsieur Jack Martin that cannot be repeated. She said that nothing but evil would come of this and told me such things that I covered my ears. And in the end she bade me leave her house. "I will have none of you," she said. "Not another hour shall you rest under my roof." She went out, and I rocked back and forth not knowing what to do. CHAPTER VII FOR a long time I could not think, and then I rose and began to gather my things. I packed my baby's clothes in the same trunk which Pierre had bought when we came here, and the memory of those days made me cry again. I did not know where I was going, for I was not yet strong enough to begin work for Monsieur Jack Martin, and I did not wish to go there until then. I had enough money for one night and perhaps two at the hotel, but I did not know if I was able to walk there with Pierrot in my arms. I knew only one thing, that I must leave this house within an hour or Madame Lacroix would do something terrible. It was even possible, I thought, that she might have me and my Pierrot taken to the prison. Then I looked at the bed and I saw my Pierrot sleeping as peacefully as a little angel. That gave me strength. It was a wonderful thing this trust of my Pierrot in me. It was like the trust of a good priest in God. It mattered not what trouble was all around him, he had faith that I should find a way out of it for him. It mattered not the danger, my Pierrot felt safe in my arms. I have seen him 4 49 50 One Year of Pierrot in a storm, when all the people stood around think- ing the end of the world had come, look up and smile at me as if he thought I had the power to save him even if the whole universe perished. At such moments I have felt as if, in truth, I had such power. Something came into me which made me feel that I could walk for him a thousand miles and never tire ; that I could find food for him even by the roadside; that other shelter he did not need but me. With Pierrot hungry in my arms there was nothing either right or wrong I could not do to find him food. With Pierrot in my arms there was no danger I could not face and beat back. Sometimes I feared, feeling like a savage. This was because he trusted and had no strength of his own. So with my eyes upon Pierrot I began yet again to gather my things. It was then that the door opened softly and Jean came in. I had forgotten about Jean, which was what all the world did about Jean. But now I was very glad to see him. He came across the room on the tip of his toes looking back often over his shoulder. He drew from his pocket a leather bag. "See, " he said, " I have here forty francs. For ten years I have been saving this, sou by sou." "Well, Jean?" I said, not understanding. " It is mine, " he said. " I heard what Madame said to you and now, by the good God, I go with you." "With me? "I said. Madame Lacroix One Year of Pierrot 51 "We will go away," he said. "We will go down the road as far as we can go, and I will carry Pierrot for you." "Jean! Jean!" I said, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry. "That is impossible. " "We will go to Nice and beyond that to Cannes and even beyond that. Here is money enough, and when that is gone, I will work. We will go along the road and live in the sunshine. You shall be my daughter and Pierrot, my grandson. That will be fine eh?" Now who would have thought this Jean would think of such a thing as that? No one in the village of Beaulieu, I can tell you. They thought he had no dreams at all this husband of Madame Lacroix. As I said nothing, he said more. "We will pluck flowers for Pierrot and he shall listen to the songs of birds," he said. "I will carry blankets, and if we find no roof, then I will build a fire and we will sleep beneath the stars. And there will be no one to scold us and no one to strike us." As he told me this, he looked young again. The colour came to his cheeks, and his eyes, which had always been dull, became bright. For a moment he made me believe this was a possible thing to do. "Yes," I said, "that would be fine." "It would make a man of Pierrot," he said. "The sun would brown his cheeks, and the air by the road would bring colour. You shall see how he eats that Pierrot!" 52 One Year of Pierrot "As it is, he eats enough," I said with a laugh. It was this laugh that made me see that the plan of Jean was only a dream. One cannot play the gypsy with an infant. And what would all the world say? So I gave my hand to Jean and shook my head. "I am sony," I said, "but it is not possible." "You will not come with me?" he said. When he said that, half the light went from his eyes. "Ah, Jean," I said. "You are so good to me and Pierrot. I would go like that with you sooner that I would go with anyone in the world. But Pierrot is so small. If one is born by the side of the road, then it is possible to live by the side of the road. But if one is born in a house, then one must live in a house if that is possible. I fear it would be too cold and damp at night for my Pierrot." "Then you will not come," he said to himself, and with that all the rest of the light went from his eyes and he was just Jean again just the husband of Madame Lacroix. It made me ache to see it. "I do not know yet where I shall go, Jean," I hastened to tell him. " I must find a place, but wherever it is, I wish you to come and see me. Will you promise that?" "Yes," Jean said. "And when we are around the corner, you may carry my Pierrot. Would you like that?" One Year of Pierrot 53 Yes, Madame," he said. "I will wait around the corner for you. " Then he thrust towards me his bag of money the forty francs he had been ten years in saving. "For you and Pierrot," he said. Before I could find my voice he was gone. I sat down on my trunk and looked at that bag. I opened it and brought forth many coins and most of them were one-sou pieces. And I thought that if I were able to return a louis d'or for every sou in that bag, I could never pay Jean for the goodness of his heart. So I pressed a kiss upon the bag and placed it in my trunk to return to him when I was able. As I did this, the door opened and Madame Lacroix entered. "What are you about?" she said. "I am preparing to leave," I said. "Do not be a little fool," she said. "Unpack that trunk and make ready for your lunch." CHAPTER VIII MONSIEUR Jack Martin came again the next day and I was very glad to see him. It was strange, but even at the beginning he made me feel towards him as my Pierrot felt towards me, that with him about no harm could come. This was not because he regarded me more than another but because he was such a big giant. Never have I seen any man who looked so much like a man, as Monsieur Jack Martin. All women thought like that of him. In the company that gathered for dinners at the villa where there were men from many countries, he was as strong as any six. Even the men of the village who laughed at the weakness of the aristocrats, as they called them, did not laugh at Monsieur Jack Martin. There was a big man of Villefranche who boasted much of his skill at fighting and boasted most when he had drunk much wine. On one Fte Day he boasted like that as Monsieur Jack Martin passed, and Monsieur Jack Martin heard him. That man boasts no more without first looking over his shoulder to see that Monsieur Jack Martin is not about. Monsieur Jack Martin brought with him this 54 One Year of Pierrot 55 afternoon two things which made me laugh. One was a huge stick for Pierrot which he called a baseball bat. He said he wished Pierrot to look at this even if he was not big enough to play with it, so that he would become accustomed to it. "We will make a ball player of this Pierrot, " he said. "He has a good eye." I do not know what he meant, but that stick was as tall as Pierrot four times over. The other thing he brought was a letter from Doctor Jambeau. "You can read?" said Monsieur Jack Martin to me. "Yes, Monsieur," I said. "Then read that," he said. I have preserved that letter and I copy it here as it was written: "To whom it may concern: " This is to say that I, Jacques Jambeau, being the physician in charge of an infant commonly known as Pierrot and therefore responsible for his good health, do hereby authorise Monsieur J. R. Martin of the Villa Cornice, situate in the town of Beaulieu, to walk with the aforesaid infant in his arms providing only that he obtain the consent and authority of the mother of said infant for a period hereby specified; namely ten min- utes daily. It is further understood that this privilege is revocable at the will either of the aforesaid Dr. Jacques Jambeau or the aforesaid 56 One Year of Pierrot mother or the aforesaid infant. To which on this eighteenth day of April I attach my signature. " DR. JACQUES JAMBEAU, "Attending physician." I read this two times, but I was no wiser than before I read it. "Well," said Monsieur Jack Martin, "you give your consent?" "Yes," I said. "But I do not know what is said there." "It means only that for all Jambeau cares, I may walk with the boy for ten minutes every day." "Very well," I said. "I have a friend who is a lawyer, and he pre- pared that for me. I could have said the same thing in ten words but it would not have sounded as well. " So Monsieur Jack Martin sat down and waited for Pierrot to wake and asked me many things about myself. He had a way that made one willing to tell about one's self, and before I was done I told him about my mother and father and where I went to school, and how they both died when I was fourteen, and how then I went to live with a cousin and cooked for her, and then how I met Pierre and about his father and mother, and how I came here and how Pierre died. For an hour I talked only of myself and did not think it strange, because he listened with such interest and if I One Year of Pierrot 57 stopped, asked me yet another question. Some- times he smiled and sometimes he nodded his head and sometimes he said : "Tough luck." Now I had never spoken of these matters before to anyone in Beaulieu, and yet to him I spoke as if at confession. And though I had nothing to hide, I felt very glad that this was so because one could not have a secret from Monsieur Jack Martin. He might not ask with his lips, but his blue eyes looking at you would make you speak. He learned many secrets from many women as I have reason to know, but I do not believe that any woman was ever sorry for telling him her secret. I have known a very old woman with white hair to tell Monsieur Jack Martin of matters that happened in her youth and lay buried in her heart many years and then cry and be glad after this. Pierrot slept until twenty minutes before it was time for me to nurse him, and then he awoke and looked about the room. Monsieur Jack Martin was for taking him at once, but it was necessary for me to take him first. While I put fresh clothes upon my Pierrot, Monseiur Jack Martin stood with his watch in his hand, and Pierrot looked at him in a way he had. My Pierrot was like a judge. Every man and every woman he had never seen before was obliged to stand before him. Then my Pierrot would observe him with his big, clear eyes as if reading his heart. "He would say 58 One Year of Pierrot nothing, but observe his hair and his forehead and his eyes and his nose and his mouth and his chin and then, if my Pierrot was satisfied, he would smile, but if he was not satisfied, he would turn down the corners of his mouth and shut his eyes and cry. He would not cry in fear, you under- stand, but in this way he would show that he did not like that man or that woman. This led to many things that no one understood. Pierrot laughed when he saw for the first time Gaston Battaille, who was called a thief and a very bad man, and he cried when he saw for the first time the noble Russian who was a judge in his own country. And my Pierrot never forgot. If he saw a man twenty times, it was always the same. The first time in his life that my Pierrot ever laughed aloud it was for Monsieur Jack Martin. When I had finished, I gave my Pierrot to him and he placed his watch upon the table. "You cannot count until he is in my arms," he said. "It is now seventeen minutes of three." Then he began his walk to the door and back again to the window and then to the door, saying nothing, with his eyes far away. I wondered of what he thought and why it was that at such times he was so sad. Now though my Pierrot was awake and hungry he said nothing either, but allowed himself to be carried like this. I think the arms of Monsieur Jack Martin were so strong that my Pierrot felt their strength. I also felt their strength and was very happy and One Year of Pierrot 59 very proud. I thought of how Pierrot had not been with me yet a month but how in that time he had made over the whole world for me. There were only a few weeks since I was alone and with- out friends in a strange village and did not know what I should do to live and did not care. Now because of Pierrot I was no longer alone and could never be alone again if I had only him for company. But Pierrot had made for me many other friends who, until he came, regarded me no more than a stone by the sea-shore. As for this being now a strange village, it was as if I myself had been born here because Pierrot had been born here. Also through Pierrot I had found work to do, so I wished to live as never I had wished to live before. My Pierrot, not a month old, was to me like a father and a husband and a son all in one. Thinking of these things, my arms trembled to have my Pierrot back in them and I looked at the watch of Monsieur Jack Martin. He saw me do this and came over and looked also. Then he said: "That watch goes too fast." But Monsieur Jack Martin was honest in all things. If he made a promise even with himself, he never forgot. It was said that a promise from him was better than a paper from a justice. So precisely to the minute he brought Pierrot to me and placed him in my arms. Once again my Pierr9t cried, even when coming to me, and I 60 One Year of Pierrot think this gave great pleasure to Monsieur Jack Martin. This same afternoon Lucille Corbeau came to see me and she said that Jean had stood for many hours around the corner and would not tell her for what he waited. I, like all the world, had forgotten Jean even when he had been so good to me. I sent her out at once to tell him that I would not go to-day, and bade her tell him also that both myself and Pierrot sent our love. When she came back, she said that Jean said nothing and looked very sad. "Poor Jean," I said to Lucille. "There is a fine man there. " "Jean a fine man?" said Lucille with a laugh. "Do not ever laugh again at Jean," I said to her. Then I told her just what happened and what Jean did and showed her the bag of money in my trunk. And Lucille cried and prayed God to for- give her for laughing at Jean. CHAPTER IX ON the next day I learned of a terrible thing which was that during the night the little baby of the Countess had died. Oh, it was too horrible! It makes me cold when I think of it. It was Madame Lacroix who told me. She came up in the morning with my rolls and chocolate and said to me: "Have you heard?" "I have heard nothing," I said. "The baby of the Countess is dead," said Madame. I remember how all the blood went from my head and all the strength from my knees. "That is not possible," I said. "Perhaps not," said Madame, "but it is true. Antonin, the postman, told me. " " Dead? But how can a little baby die when he has just begun to live?" I said. Madame shrugged her shoulders. "That is what comes of not knowing how to care for an infant," she said. I seized my Pierrot, who was sleeping. I held him tight in my arms and sat down in a chair. It did not seem to me possible that ever again could 61 62 One Year of Pierrot I permit Pierrot to leave my arms. I hugged him to my breast until he cried out. I kissed his warm hair and his eyes and held his warm feet in my hand. I kept my lips upon his temple where I could feel the beat of his heart. " Do not be a little fool, " said Madame. "Eat your breakfast. " "I can eat nothing," I said. "Please take it away. Please go. " I wished to be alone with Pierrot. At that moment I wished to share him with no one because there was not enough of him even for me. " Bah, " said Madame. " Perhaps this will teach you to leave your infant with those who know. " "I will leave him with no one," I told her. "After this he must sleep always in my arms." So Madame went out, and I rocked my Pierrot with my lips on his temple. I had heard before of babies who died, but it had meant little to me. But now I became first hot and then cold. My lips were dry, and I started at a noise upon the street. I feared I do not know what as if some terrible murderer were running wild about the village. I remember that once I rose and placed a chair against the door. I tried to sing to Pierrot and could not. I ached to have him open his eyes so that I could look into them. My throat was as if some one had choked me. It does not seem right that ever a baby should die. They are pure and so sinless and so trusting. It must be that when they die, God is not looking. One Year of Pierrot 63 After a little I was able to think of the Countess and how dark the world must be to her. I thought it must always be night to her after this, and that the sun would never rise again for her or the birds sing again for her. Always she must live in the night. But in the night she would wake and reach for her baby and not find him. So it was not possible for her to live at all. I did not see how that was possible. I did not see why she did not die when her baby died. It was not until Pierrot awoke and searched for my breast with his little nose that I recovered from my fear. Then, with him suckling there, the shadow lifted a little from the world. His hand rested upon my neck and sometimes he opened his eyes and looked at me. Oh, my Pierrot was alive and what else could I think of? But I held him and would not permit him to go even for his bath until Doctor Jambeau came in. He entered with a great scowl between his eyes. His voice was angry. I think he must have read my eyes for he said : " Some fool has told you? " "Yes," I said. " And is it true?" "Yes," he said. "In the name of God why do not such mothers come to us as soon as they are out of school? It is then they should prepare for their babies. " I did not understand and so said nothing. "They come to us when it is time for their 64 One Year of Pierrot babies to be born and bid us undo their whole lives. It is not possible that. " He said a great deal more and I listened. Then he took my Pierrot. "And the Countess?" I said. "Pitiful, pitiful," he said. "The heart of a mother and the body of a grandmother. " "I am very sorry for her, " I said. " So am I, " he said, "but that does her no good." "Would it be possible for me to write her a little note?" "Eh?" "You think it would do no good?" He looked up at me a moment. Then he said: " Try it. You may be the only one in the world who can help her. " So he gave to me a pencil and a piece of paper and I wrote this: "DEAR MADAME: " My heart bleeds for you and I am praying for you. I know how empty you are and if it would help, you may hold 'my Pierrot. In the day or in the night you may come and hold my Pierrot." I gave it to Doctor Jambeau and he read it. "I do not know very well what to say," I told him. "Your heart has told you. That is enough," he said. One Year of Pierrot 65 "I thought if she could hold a baby any baby " "I do not know about that, " he said. "I do not know either," I said. "But if she wishes, she may come when she wishes." The next day I received from the Countess a letter expressing her thanks. But it was four days later, after dark, that Madame Lacroix came in and said to me: "A woman below wished to see you, but I told her you could see no one. " I do not understand what made me know but I knew that this woman must be the Countess. I ran out of the door and down the stairs and into the street. In the dark I could not see, but Jean was there and he ran for me in the direction he had seen the woman go. In a minute he came back with her. She was in black and covered with a veil so that it was not possible to see her face. It made me shake so that I could not speak. "I did not wish to trouble you, " she said. I do not think I said anything, but she followed me into the house and to my room. Madame Lacroix was there, but she left when we entered. Then I closed the door and did not light the candle. Madame, the Countess, began to weep, and I went to the bed and took Pierrot and placed him in her arms. He did not wake, and she seated herself in a chair and began to rock him back and forth. As for me, I seated myself on the floor at her feet 66 One Year of Pierrot and placed my hands over my face and prayed. Madame, the Countess, did not weep any more but every little while I heard in the dark a moan like the wind at night. That went to my heart like the thrust of a knife. Once I reached my hand for her hand, and she held it so hard that it hurt, but I did not care. So we sat for the matter of an hour, and I think Madame, the Countess, found rest. CHAPTER X 1 IT was on April the twenty-fifth that I left the house of Madame Lacroix to take service with Monsieur Jack Martin. I rose early that morning and opened my window and saw that the sky was blue and the ocean bluer than the sky. I heard the birds sing and I looked at the sun shining upon the trees and the houses and the water and was very glad. I was not even sad because of Pierre, for I thought he must be glad too that Pierrot, his son, was living in such a beautiful world. When I watched the little waves creeping over the rocks towards me, I laughed and said they were trying to come near enough to play with Pierrot, who slept upon the bed. In those days my Pierrot was sleeping when he was not eating and eating when he was not sleeping, but even when he slept, he was to me awake. When I looked at the blue sky, it was as if he stood by my side also looking, and when I laughed at the waves, it was as if he laughed also. As long as he himself could not see or speak, his soul was still part of my soul though his body was separate from mine. That is why I was not lonely when he slept, for it was only his body which slept. The soul of Pierrot never slept except 67 68 One Year of Pierrot when I slept. I do not know if I make myself understood or if I will be thought foolish, but I put down everything just as I felt. I do not know why it was that Pierrot and I were so happy this morning. Perhaps it was be- cause we were going out into the world together for the first time. Here in this room where Pierrot was born, it was as if we were in a world by our- selves. It had its beginning here and no one but Pierrot and I had any part in it. Others came in and went out, in the end leaving us once more alone together. That was very pleasant and I thought nothing could be better. But now as we were about to go, I thought that being together outside would make us even closer comrades than before. So I opened the window wide and permitted the sunshine and the salt air from the sea to enter, and breathed deep of it. As I made my toilet, I sang to myself this morning. I felt strong, and though my Pierrot was making plenty of work for me, I was glad I was soon to have other work also. I do not understand why it is that women, even if they are rich and even if they are noble, care to do nothing at all. At the beginning, when I did not have strength, it was pleasant enough, but after this it made me ashamed to lie in bed and see Madame serve me. I had heard in Paris of a girl who was not noble at all, and whose riches brought her only shame, who did like this, so that it is not the grand ladies alone who live lazily. I had not told Madame that I was to leave this I looked at the sun shining upon the trees and the houses and the water One Year of Pierrot 69 day. I did not wish to give her much time in which to talk. But I had told Jean, and he was to carry my trunk for me. I gave Pierrot his bath early and put upon him the dress given to him by the Countess. He was very good and very sweet, and I found on the back of his neck a curl. There was just one and it was beautiful. I was glad because I had hoped his hair might curl a little. After this I gave him his breakfast and then put him in his bed to sleep for the last time there. I had not put into my trunk all my things, but when Madame came up with bread and chocolate for me, she saw that something was in preparation. She looked about the room and into the trunk and then at Pierrot in his dress which he never wore until afternoon. . "Well?" she said. "To-day I begin service with Monsieur Jack Martin," I told her, trying to make it seem as small an affair as possible. Her face turned red and she placed her hands upon her hips. "You little fool," she said. "I thought some- thing like that was in your head. " " I don't see why I am to be called a little fool because it is necessary for me to work, " I said. "Did I not say you could remain here?" she said. "Yes, Madame," I said. "But already I had given my promise to Monsieur. " "You had better have a care what promises you 70 One Year of Pierrot make to that American," she said. "Has not Pierrot had here the best of care?" "Yes, Madame." 41 Has he not grown fat and strong?" "Yes, Madame." "And the infant of the Countess on the con- trary " " Oh ! " I said. " Please do not talk of that. " " If that infant had been with me, it would be alive to-day." " But Doctor Jambeau said " "I do not care what Doctor Jambeau says. I tell you things as they are, and the proof is that things are as they are. " I said nothing then and Madame lost much of her anger. She went to the bed and looked at Pierrot and then she came back to me, her face looking older and her shoulders bent. " Remain with me, " she said in a voice which was like that when she sang, "La, la, la," to Pierrot. "Remain with me. You shall have everything like a daughter. I am growing old. I shall not be here long to scold, and when I go Pierrot shall have all. I will make a testament. " None in all Beaulieu had ever heard Madame talk like this. I was not able to reply. "He has crept into my heart that Pierrot," said Madame. "He was born here in my house, and no other child was ever born here. I have bathed him and dressed him. Do not take him away. " One Year of Pierrot 71 Now a moment before I would not have thought it possible, but I rose and went to Madame Lacroix and kissed her upon the cheek. Her cheek was hot and wrinkled, and she bent her head lower when I did that. "You have been very good to my Pierrot," I said. "You have been like a Godmother to him. " " No other was ever born here, " she said. "I will never forget what you have done, and when Pierrot is old enough, I will tell him and he will come here and play with you. Until then you must come often and play with him. " "Let him remain. Pierrot shall have all," she said. "There, there," I said. "He is not going far. It is only down the road a little way. " Then quickly she straightened herself again with anger in her eyes, and I do not know what she would have said if at this moment Monsieur Jack Martin had not come to the door. "Ready?" he said like a military captain giving an order. I did not know he was coming for me. "The machine is waiting," he said. "Throw your things into the trunk and I will carry it down. " While I hurried as fast as I could, he picked up one thing and then another as he found it Pierrot's clothes and my clothes and many things which were not mine at all and each time he said: 72 One Year of Pierrot "This yours?" If I said "yes," he threw it into the trunk, and if I said "no," he threw it across the room. I have never seen such a man. If he had gone out, I would have been ready in half the time. Madame Lacroix watched with a terrible face. When at last all things were in the trunk, he closed it with a great noise and lifted it to his shoulder as easily as if it were a handbag and went jlown the stairs with it. "Sacre/" said Madame Lacroix. "He is a devil that man ! ' ' Then she went to the bed and seized Pierrot in her arms. " But he shall not take Pierrot, " she said. " In the name of God do not permit him to take Pierrot." She began to walk with my Pierrot saying, " La, la, la," sometimes in tears and sometimes as if she spoke an oath. I had fear as to what she would do when Monsieur Jack Martin returned. But when he came into the room, he took Pierrot and she said nothing, and I had time only to put a shawl about my baby before he was going down the stairs. I followed at once and Madame followed me. At the door I turned and said to her: " You will come and play with Pierrot? " "Go," she said. "But have a care of that devil." Then Monsieur Jack Martin commanded me to One Year of Pierrot 73 step into the automobile and he held Pierrot in his arms. So we went through the village to the Villa Cornice, which was the first time my Pierrot ever rode in an automobile, and the first time also that I myself ever rode in an automobile. CHAPTER XI WE went very fast so fast I held my breath. It did not seem to me one minute before we reached the Villa and I was glad it was no longer. I thought it would make Pierrot cry but he did not cry, and Monsieur Jack Martin laughed at me and gave praise to Pierrot. When Monsieur Jack Martin stepped out, he said to the man he called Jimmee, who was the engineer : " It is necessary to let her out more than that to frighten this sport, Jimmee. " Monsieur Jack Martin spoke very well in French, but he used many words which I had never heard before. At the beginning they were strange and I did not always know their meaning, but after a little I came to know them. "To let her out," that is to say to go as fast as possible. And "sport, " that is a word to express a fine man who is not afraid. This Jimmee touched his hat when he heard that and smiled. Monsieur Jack Martin carried Pierrot into the villa and showed me the room he had prepared. It was under the roof, but it faced the south and contained two windows. 74 One Year of Pierrot 75 "Plenty of air and sunlight is what makes them grow," he said to me. Now I had never seen anything so beautiful as this room. It was as white and fresh as the cham- ber of a nun. In it there was a big bed painted white and all the other things were white and as though newly bought. The walls were the blue of the sky and there were many beautiful pictures upon them. These pictures were of the sunlight in the olive trees and of the sunlight on the sea and of the sunlight on the road, and so well painted that to look at them was like looking from a window. I had never seen anything so beautiful and did not know at this time that it was Monsieur Jack Martin who painted them. The bed was covered with fine linen and in a corner there was a little tin tub for Pierrot. " If there is anything more you wish, ask for it," said Monsieur Jack Martin. He went out and left me there with Pierrot. I sat upon the bed and tried to think where I was. It was so strange that I should be in this room with my Pierrot when only two months before I was alone and not knowing if on the next day I should have even a bed of hay. It was like the fable of Cinderella, for if, in truth, I had been a real princess, I could ask for no more than I had here. I looked from the windows into a beautiful garden, and though I could not watch the sea, I could watch the flowers. Often the sound of the wind through the palms, of which there were many, 76 One Year of Pierrot sounded like the waves crawling over the rocks. For the rest of the time it was very quiet as if all the world were praying. I knelt by the bed and thanked the good God for all he had brought to me. Then I drew back the fine linen, which was as white as the clouds or the foam of the sea, and placed my Pierrot there in the middle of that big bed. I was very glad for my Pierrot to have such beautiful linen upon which to sleep. His skin was very tender and it was fitting for him. But as for me myself I hardly dared to move about. And I felt also that to repay Monsieur Jack Martin for his goodness I must begin to work at once. So I dressed myself in a new white apron which I had made and went down to the kitchen, leaving the door open so that I could hear Pierrot if he awoke. I did not know what to do because it was still too early to make preparations for lunch and everything about the kitchen was as new and clean as about my room. Nevertheless, it was necessary for me to do something to make me feel at ease, so I took all the kettles and placed them in the sink and began to scour thejn. I had finished no more than two kettles when Monsieur Jack Martin came to the door. "For the love of Moses what are you about?" he said. That was an oath he used much and it is to me much better than " the love of God, " which many people use. One Year of Pierrot 77 "I am cleaning the kettles, Monsieur," I told him, although I thought it was possible for him to see what I was doing. "Where is the boy?" he demanded. "He sleeps on the bed." Monsieur Jack Martin left me then and I heard him run up the stairs and I feared and ran after him. He looked in and then he commanded me to come down again with him. At the foot of the stairs he said to me: "Do you not know that boy might fall from the bed and break his neck? " " He cannot yet walk, " I told him. " But he can roll, can he not? " he said. "No, Monsieur," I said, "not yet." " Well, you can never tell when he will learn. He might awake in a minute and find he was able to do that. They keep secret what they can do until they do it these little boys. " "But Pierrot is not yet two months old," I told him. "That is very well, " said Monsieur Jack Martin. "But for two months now he has been thinking planning. It would not surprise me to see him try to come down those stairs at any time. " I looked up the stairs to see if Pierrot was coming. Then I could not help but smile at myself. "Now listen," said Monsieur Jack Martin. "The first duty of a mother is to watch her child. While Pierrot is in my house, I desire you to keep your eyes upon him." 78 One Year of Pierrot "But, Monsieur " "Do you intend to do what I command you or not?" "Yes, Monsieur," I said. "Then do not ever leave that boy alone upon the bed." "But the work " " That is not for you to worry about until I do, " he said. I did not know what to say for a moment. There were many things he understood, but there were many things also which it was difficult to make him understand. "You have been very good to me," I said. "And thirty francs is too much for me to take. But if I have not work to do here, I cannot remain. " "Eh? " he said. " Is not this my house? " "Yes, Monsieur." "Then what the devil are you talking about?" "Only that if I do nothing, I cannot remain," I said. "Why not?" " Because that would be impossible, " I said. "But if I ask you to remain and pay you to remain, what affair is it of yours? " he said. Now what could one do with such a man? " It would make me very unhappy, " I said. I tried not to let him see that I was upon the point of crying and turned my head away, but I think he saw, for he said quickly : One Year of Pierrot 79 f " Do as you please then. Scrub all those kettles, and when you are finished, I will buy some more for you to scrub." So I went back into the kitchen and worked as hard as I could for the matter of an hour, stopping only to go to the foot of the stairs and listen for Pierrot. I did not see Monsieur Jack Martin again, and I feared I had made him angry. When I had made clean everything in the kitchen, I went upstairs, and then what do you think I found? Monsieur Jack Martin was in a chair near the door, smoking a big pipe and watching my Pierrot. "It was not necessary for you to do this," I said. "Not if you had a little sense, " he said. "But I listened at the foot of the stairs." "Were you curious to hear what sort of a noise he made when he fell out?" he said. He made me laugh when he said that, and I did not wish to laugh. "He has not moved, " I said. 1 ' That is true, ' ' he said. ' ' But in order to prove that it has been necessary for me to sit here one hour. But I hope you have enjoyed yourself with the kettles. " "I shall not leave him again upon the bed," I told him. "I would not leave a puppy of that age alone," he said. " It is not right because, when these little things go to sleep like that, they trust us big things to watch over them. And when anyone trusts me 8o One Year of Pierrot big or little, I do not give him cause to regret that trust." It was so he spoke with three lines between his eyes. It was very strange to me that he was so serious about this, but soon I learned that Monsieur Jack Martin was a man who often was more serious about little affairs than about big affairs. After this, when I had work to do in the kitchen, I made a bed for my Pierrot in a big basket and permitted him to sleep in the next room. CHAPTER XII PIERROT was very happy here in the Villa of I Monsieur Jack Martin. I do not know if it is as Monsieur Jack Martin said that in the world from which Pierrot came he was a prince, but it is certain that he liked beautiful things about him. In that bed of fine linen he slept better than he did in the bed of Madame Lacroix. I know because often I myself did not wake except the one time it was necessary to feed him, and then not again until the birds sang. Before this I often woke three and four times, not sleeping again for an hour, thinking of many horrible things. But here there was nothing either for Pierrot or for me to think about except that which brought rest. Then, also, I found that Pierrot liked the per- fume of the roses better than the salt of the sea. It was clear when at once his cheeks began to grow as red as the roses themselves. All night long the perfume came in at the open windows for Pierrot to breathe. Also Pierrot gained in weight. On the day he was three months old he weighed twelve pounds and a half pound over. Doctor Jambeau and Monsieur Jack Martin were present when he was 6 Pi 82 One Year of Pierrot weighed, and can tell as to this. This was without any clothes upon him. And this was not just fat. Monsieur Jack Martin felt of his legs and his arms and said: ' ' He is getting firm. He is going to have muscle. ' ' Until I knew Monsieur Jack Martin, I had not thought that it was well for a man to have muscle if only he had good health, but now I thought I would like my Pierrot to be big and strong like him. A weak man is at the mercy of other men, but a man who has such power as Monsieur Jack Martin had is like a general. Yet I saw that it was seldom necessary for Monsieur Jack Martin to use that strength. It was enough that he had it. He was as gentle as Pierrot, but all men and es- pecially all women thought better of him because they knew he could extend his right arm, as I have seen him do, and permit a man to swing upon it. My Pierrot began to move his arms and legs about as though taking exercise and this pleased Monsieur Jack Martin. "What he needs is dumb-bells," said Monsieur Jack Martin one day as he watched him. "I will buy him some as soon as he is old enough to grasp them." But even now my Pierrot was able to grasp the thumb of Monsieur Jack Martin. In the morning after Pierrot had his breakfast and his nap and was dressed, I would bring him downstairs and place him in the basket. Then Monsieur Jack Martin would come in and extend his two thumbs, One Year of Pierrot 83 and Pierrot would seize them and hold on until almost lifted from the pillow. I saw that when Pierrot was not yet four months old. At that time Monsieur Jack Martin said: "He must go to Yale that boy. They will need him there." I had never heard of that country and I asked him where it was. II It is the biggest country in America, " he said. " It is where all the strong men go. " I remembered what Madame Lacroix had told me and I did not like this talk, not understanding at that time. It must not be thought I did nothing about this Villa except to care for Pierrot. Monsieur Jack Martin would not permit me to scrub the floors or wash the windows, but there were many other matters. For example, Monsieur Jack Martin did not live as other men live. He rose as soon as it was light, instead of sleeping late, and at once went upon a long walk. When he returned, he must have his breakfast and I have never seen such a breakfast as he wished. He ate first fruit as many as three oranges. After this he must have beefsteak and potatoes almost a full dinner. With this he drank coffee and ate much toasted bread. If he desired eggs, he desired three eggs fried, and with it many slices of bacon, which was sent to him from America. Then he gave me a book telling how to make many American dishes, and out of this I learned how to make what are 84 ' One Year of Pierrot ' called biscuits of cream of tartar, and of these he ate four or five at breakfast while they were hot. Also I tried to make what are called doughnuts, but it was long before I had success with these. They are cakes which are fried, and he liked these also for breakfast. After this he smoked a big pipe and played with Pierrot for perhaps an hour. Then when it was time for Pierrot to have his bath and his nap, Monsieur Jack Martin took his paints and went out. He did not care for lunch and often did not return until the middle of the afternoon. When Monsieur Jack Martin did not have guests, dinner was at six, after the American fashion. While I was preparing to serve this, he played with Pierrot again. For this dinner Monsieur Jack Martin again desired much a roast of beef or lamb or perhaps a chicken. For soups he did not care. But he liked cakes of all kinds especially those of chocolate. And he liked those with beaten cream upon them. Also he liked what are called pies, and I learned to make those also. When Monsieur Jack Martin was alone at dinner it gave him pleasure to have me bring the basket containing Pierrot into the room. While he dined, the two would watch each other. Sometimes Monsieur Jack Martin would laugh aloud and sometimes Pierrot would smile. It was as if they told droll stories to each other which I could not hear. If Monsieur Jack Martin saw that my eyes looked curious, he said: One Year of Pierrot 85 "This is between Pierrot and me." Sometimes, to frighten me he called me from the kitchen : "Here, Little Mother," for that is what he called me, "the boy wishes to know if he may have a portion of this beef." If I came running into the room, as often I did, he said without laughing, holding some upon his fork: "Just this much?" "But no," I said. "Doctor Jambeau says he is to have nothing." "As you wish," he said. "But it is the roast beef that makes them strong." Another time he desired to give him pie, saying: "He will not be a man until he has learned to eat pie." It is necessary to understand that this was only a jest. If at first I did not know this, it was because it was very difficult to know when Monsieur Jack Martin was having his joke and when he was serious. It was not possible to be sure by his laughing, for often he laughed over matters that were very serious and did not laugh at all when he was playing. That was not like Pierrot. But it is true that Monsieur Jack Martin understood my Pierrot better than anyone better sometimes than I myself. Perhaps this was because they were two men together. Pierrot laughed with him before he laughed with anyone else. And if Pierrot cried, it was only necessary 86 One Year of Pierrot for Monsieur Jack Martin to take him in his arms and he ceased. At such times Monsieur Jack Martin talked to him as one man to another. In his seventeenth week Pierrot fell back in his basket and hurt his little head when Monsieur Jack Mar- tin was at play with him, and Monsieur Jack Martin lifted him as he cried and said this: "Steady, old sport. We must learn to endure such knocks we men. Just say to yourself, 'That was a man from Harvard who tackled me,' and laugh in his face. It is so we do at Yale." He lifted him high in the air and that was the first time Pierrot laughed aloud. He was in his fifth month when Pierrot did that. I was there and I heard. I shall never forget, for it was as if at that moment my Pierrot became a man. So it was, when he did anything for the first time, but now it was different. All these weeks my Pierrot had looked about him and said nothing. Even when he smiled, it was as if to himself and not at anyone. What he thought, he thought all alone, and if he was amused, it was at his own thoughts. But when he laughed aloud, it was to share the jest with others. It was as if he had studied the matter all these weeks and decided at last to make friends. When I heard, I stood where I was, not able to move. As for Monsieur Jack Martin, he placed Pierrot upon his lap and then looked at me. "Did you hear that?" he said. One Year of Pierrot 87 "Yes, yes. He laughed! Did he not laugh?" , "I would take an oath he laughed." "But that was wonderful!" "You listen to me, " said Monsieur Jack Martin. "That Pierrot will talk before he is one year old." CHAPTER XIII WHEN I finished my work in the afternoon, I liked to walk with Pierrot in the garden. There were many roses and palms here, and in one corner a piece of land with which Monsieur Jack Martin amused himself. He called this corner "New England," which is a country in America. Here he planted seeds sent to him from his home strange plants called sunflowers and corn and squashes and many other things. Most of them were alike because they did not grow very well, but he said it gave him comfort to put the seeds in the ground. He said he thought those seeds did not grow because they were homesick. Pierrot liked very much to walk in this garden. He watched the flowers and the birds and was very happy. You would not believe how much he saw. It was here Lucille and Jean and Madame Lacroix came to see my Pierrot while Monsieur Jack Mar- tin was out upon the road painting pictures. One day when I walked there, I heard a voice calling Pierrot and then over the top of the wall I saw the head of Madame Lacroix. " Is that devil about? " she said. 88 1 liked to walk with Pierrot in the garden One Year of Pierrot 89 "Monsieur Jack Martin is not here if that is whom you mean, " I said. Then she came in at the gate and stood at my side, looking hard at Pierrot. Pierrot looked at her, but he did not know her. " Does he not look well, my Pierrot? " I said. "He is thin, " said Madame Lacroix. " But he has gained a pound, " I said. "I care not how much he has gained; he is thin. And he lacks colour." I looked at Pierrot and his cheeks were as red as roses. " He needs the air of the sea, " she said. "You see those cheeks and tell me he lacks colour?" "Have I not eyes in my head?" she said to me. "See how sad the poor infant looks." She took him from my arms and I thought Pierrot would cry, but he did not cry. There was no baby in all France so brave as my Pierrot. She began to walk with him singing her " La, la, la, " and as I heard, I thought I was back again in her home. It was then I felt as at the first how good the good God had been to my Pierrot. Here he was in this beautiful garden, living like a prince and Madame Lacroix coming to see him as if she were one of his servants. Though I do not like to be proud and though I remembered then and always shall remember how kind Madame Lacroix was to my Pierrot, it gave me pleasure to have affairs like this. My Pierrot was like Monsieur 90 One Year of Pierrot Jack Martin, who was able to walk either with those of noble blood, or with a beggar of the streets, but who, as everyone understood, was him- self one with those of noble blood. I do not wish anyone to think my Pierrot was proud, for that is not true. With Lucille Corbeau he was as if he were her son, but with Madame Lacroix, though he suffered himself to be carried, he had an air of I do not know what. To see him with Madame, no one would have thought he was her son. After Madame had walked the length of the garden with Pierrot almost twenty times, she said tome: "Madame, the Countess, came yesterday to see this boy. " " Oh ! Did you tell her where I was? " "I suppose that makes you very proud, eh?" Now this did not make me so proud as having Madame Lacroix come here to see my Pierrot, but I did not tell her that. It was always difficult for me to remember that Madame, the Countess, was a countess. "Did you tell her where I had gone?" I said again. "I told her that this devil of an American had taken you away. " "You should not have said that. I will write to her." "Bah!" said Madame. "Now if you had gone with her, you would have shown some sense." "But she did not wish me to go. " 7w /^^ garden of the Villa Cornice One Year of Pierrot 91 " No? You had better talk with her." "If she wishes to see my Pierrot, I will talk with her, " I said. "Then do not forget." I do not know why it was, but it was the way she said this which made me glad when Madame went. She was in one of her bad moods that day and yet at the gate she turned and said: " Have you not had enough of this?" 11 1 am very happy here, " I said. " That room is empty, " she said. "I hope you will soon find someone to occupy it, " I said. "I shall keep that room for Pierrot," she said. 1 ' He will not remain here long. You will see. ' ' She left me feeling so uneasy that when a moment later Lucille, who had been watching over the wall for her to go, came to my side, I was very glad. As Lucille came up the path, I thought she walked better than I had ever seen her. I was sitting upon a stone, and Lucille without speaking came to the side of Pierrot and knelt upon the ground and kissed his fingers. When she looked up at me, I have never seen such a look as there was upon her face. It was like the face of a saint. It drove from my head all thought of Madame Lacroix. I do not know how it was, but I felt a new kind of pride a pride that was almost holy. Then Lucille said to me in a voice that was like a prayer: 92 One Year of Pierrot "Dear mother of Pierrot my back is becoming well." "Then it is true you walked more easily coming up the path?" "You saw?" she said. " And could not believe my eyes. " "It is true. I have prayed to Pierrot, and Pierrot has told God." I sat very quiet, saying nothing. Lucille still knelt upon the ground, and she put her face in my lap. At that moment Pierrot smiled and made as though to place his hand upon Lucille's head "It is marvellous," I said. ' "I knew. I knew," said Lucille. '' I did not know if it was right even to speak of such a thing as this. It was like a secret between Pierrot and God. I said to Lucille: "It is better to say nothing to anyone of this miracle. Let us wait. " "But I may come here every day?" "Every day, "I said. CHAPTER XIV ALL the world loved my Pierrot. It mattered not who came to the Villa Cornice, whether it was the boy with vegetables or a friend to visit Monsieur Jack Martin, if they saw my Pierrot they stopped to talk with him. All of them said he was the most wonderful boy they had ever seen. After they went, sometimes I took Pierrot in my lap and tried to see how it was he differed from other children. It was true that he was very beautiful and became more beautiful every day. There were many curls now in his hair, and he smiled and laughed all the time he was awake. Also he was fat and had a beautiful colour. Also his eyes were beautiful. As yet he had no teeth, and though an old man without teeth is not beautiful, my Pierrot was beautiful without them. Pierrot could not speak a word, but he had an air that made everyone think he was able to speak if he wished but that he did not desire it. There was Antonin, the postman. He came twice every day with letters for Monsieur Jack Martin, and always he stopped to play with Pierrot. He was a man with many children of his 93 94 One Year of Pierrot own and so he knew a baby when he saw one. But always, from the first time, he said Pierrot was as fine a baby as he had ever seen. "He has a name that boy," he told me. "I hear much of him in the village. " One day when he was playing with Pierrot, Monsieur Jack Martin came in. "Any mail for Pierrot?" Monsieur Jack Martin said. Then Antonin looked through his letters and shook his head. "Nothing this morning, Monsieur," he said. "Well, in another month the ladies will be writing to him, " said Monsieur Jack Martin. Monsieur Jack Martin threw into the basket an envelope from one of his letters, and Pierrot reached out as if to take it. Then both men watched him. Pierrot moved his fingers towards it and touched it and then looked up and laughed. Both Monsieur Jack Martin and Antonin and I myself laughed to see him laugh, and Pierrot laughed still more. Once again he moved his fingers towards the envelope and tried to grasp it. He had not yet learned how to seize things and was not able to tell whether they were near or far. Sometimes, when he tried to close over it, he seized the blanket and sometimes the basket, and each time he looked up at us and laughed. When Pierrot laughed, everyone who saw him laughed also. It was not possible to do anything else. Once Monsieur Jack Martin said to a One Year of Pierrot 95 V famous Englishman who acted upon the stage and who was visiting him: "If you could laugh like that boy Pierrot, you would have the whole world laughing with you." " I know, " said that man. "What is it? " "Just friendliness," said Monsieur Jack Martin to him. " It comes from within that laugh. " I remembered this and when after this I tried to look on the outside and understand something which my Pierrot did that was marvellous and could not, I said to myself, "That also is from within." It was the same way when Pierrot cried with pain, as sometimes he did, with his teeth. He did not cry loud and no one was angry with him, as often strangers are with children who cry, but listened to him with tears in their eyes. So now three of us stood about that basket and laughed when Pierrot laughed. He tried a dozen times to seize that envelope, and Monsieur Jack Martin said to him: "Do not give up. You have the Yale spirit all right." And when at the end Pierrot placed his fingers upon the envelope and raised it a little way, Monsieur Jack Martin gave a strange shout, which ended with pronouncing as loud as he could the word "Yale" three times. It was the next day that, when Antonin came, he drew from his bag many letters for Monsieur Jack Martin, and after placing them upon the 96 One Year of Pierrot table, drew out another. He looked long at this and then read: 41 For Pierrot." I could not believe, but when he gave the letter to me, I myself read the words: 41 To Pierrot." When I opened it, I was more surprised than before. I copy the letter as it read: "Beaulieu, France, ''August 3. ' 14 MY DEAR PIERROT: 44 As I was passing the Villa Cornice, I saw you over the wall, but you did not see me. I am writing this to extend to your mother my con- gratulations and to tell her that I have never seen in all my life so fine a boy as you. With best wishes for a long and happy life, I beg to remain, my dear Pierrot, 4 'Your sincere admirer, 14 DUCHESS MAGDALEN DE ROCHECHAMBEAU." s Now that was very strange, was it not? Because of the beating of my heart I did not hear Monsieur Jack Martin when he entered. "What is the trouble?" he said to me. I gave the letter to him and he read it. "#e/