SOME LADIES 
 IN HASTE 
 
 
 ROBERT W. CHAMBERS 
 

WORKS OF ROBERT W. CHAMBERS 
 
 THE YOUNGER SET 
 
 THE FIGHTING CHANCE 
 
 THE TREE OP HEAVEN 
 
 THE TRACER OF LOST PERSONS 
 
 THE RECKONING 
 
 IOLE 
 
 Cardigan The Conspirators 
 
 The Maid-at-Anns The Cambric Maik 
 
 Lorraine The Haunts of Men 
 
 Maids of Paradise Outsiders 
 
 Ashes of Empire A Young Man in a Hurry 
 
 Jbe Red Republic Tbe Mystery of Choice 
 
 The King in Yellow In Search of the in- 
 
 A Maker of Moons known 
 
 A King and a Few Dukes In the Quarter 
 
 FOR CH I LDR EN 
 
 Garden-Land Mountain-Land 
 
 Forest-Land Orchard-Land 
 
 River-Land Outdoorland 
 
SOME LADIES IN HASTE 
 
"He ... blew his whole love-smitten soul into the fife." 
 
SOME LADIES 
 IN HASTE # % 
 
 'By ROBERT W. CHAMBERS 
 
 D. APPLETON AND COMPANY 
 
 NEW YORK MCMVIII 
 
COPYRIGHT, 1908, BY 
 
 A . II AMBERS 
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1907, BY 
 I Hi i (UI1S PUBLISHING COMPANY 
 
 Hay. 
 
TO MY FRIEND 
 
 ARTH UR DILLON 
 
 IN MEMORY OF THI 
 
 OLD DAVs 
 
 WHEN NOBODY WAS IN 
 
 A HURRY 
 
 912827 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER 
 
 I. THE MISCHIEF-MAKKR 
 
 PACE 
 
 I 
 
 II. DIANA'S CHASE 25 
 
 III. AN OVERDOSE 59 
 
 IV. A REMEDY 77 
 
 V. A GUILTY MAN 102 
 
 VI. THE ABSENT-MINDED GODDESS 126 
 
 VII. A LADY IN HASTE 162 
 
 VIII. ABSENT TREATMENT 191 
 
 IX. Sui GENERIS 202 
 
 X. Ex MACHINA . 218 
 
ILLUSTRATIONS^ 
 
 "He . . . blew his whole love-smitten soul into the 
 fife" Frontispiece 
 
 4 " \\liat are you doing in my woods? 1 " .... 134 
 
 "' Sweetheart/ he whispered naively, partly because he 
 
 didn't know her other name" 200 
 
 "'I defy you to make me do it!' 1 230 
 
 xiii 
 
SOME LADIES IN HASTE 
 
 CHAPTER I 
 
 THE MISCHIEF-MAKER 
 
 ANNERS was waiting as Kel- 
 vin came in. keeping his ap- 
 pointment to the minute. 
 
 They greeted each other 
 simply and sincerely, and for 
 an instant Manners's lean, attractive feature- 
 lighted up. Then the expression of perplex- 
 ity returned; he raised his glass, rattled the 
 ice in it, found it empty, and glanced across 
 at young Kelvin, who nodded. 
 
Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 " Two more, then," said Manners to the 
 dub servant who answered the pressure of 
 his walking stick on the electric button. 
 And, to Kdvin. "It is a very warm morn- 
 ing." lu- remarked politeh. 
 
 " It is more than \\ariu. it is hot/* observed 
 Kdvin. And. after a decorous pause: " You 
 say you have something nt entirely agree- 
 ahle to confide to me. William' 
 
 * I well, it depends on what you consider 
 disagreeable. I>\ the \\a\. what on earth 
 have \ou stuffed into your coat pockets? 
 They're all bulging out of shape." 
 
 Kelvin reddened and muttered something 
 unintelligible ; then, \\ith a trace of irritation: 
 
 "What's this unpleasant matter \<m \\i^h 
 t di I'm rather in a hurry, William." 
 
 Manners gave a slight start. "CcrtainK." 
 
 aid; " I am going to tell you the whole 
 
 thing. I I hate to do it. but I'll have to, 
 
 <r >r later, because" and the wm 
 expression came into his face again " be- 
 eauM- it so vitally affects ah several peo- 
 
 " Me? " asked the other anxiously. 
 Manners produced a freshly ironed hand- 
 kerchief, shook out the folds, and picking up 
 
The Mischief -Maker 
 
 his single eyeglass from the string where it 
 dangled began to polish it. Once or twice 
 he held it up to squint through it. 
 
 " I'd better begin at the beginning, hadn't 
 I ? " he asked, with a nonchalance plainly as- 
 sumed. 
 
 " Naturally, unless you're a Chinaman," 
 said Kelvin uneasily. 
 
 " Very well, then ; the whole thing began 
 when I went He stopped abruptly. " But 
 you didn't know about that, did you?" 
 
 " About what ? " snapped Kelvin. 
 
 " About where I went ? " 
 
 "When?" 
 
 " Th that time- 
 
 " What time ? " demanded Kelvin, in grow- 
 ing apprehension. " Look here, William, 
 you're getting on my nerves. Are you afraid 
 to tell me about this matter which you say 
 concerns me ? " 
 
 " No, I'm not afraid I mean, I'm not very 
 much afraid of you. So I went there but 
 you didn't know about that, did you?" 
 
 " Know about what ? " demanded the other, 
 exasperated. 
 
 " Why, about my going to Dr. Duncan's 
 Sanatorium." 
 2 
 
Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 ' No, I didn't. What did you go for?" 
 "I went." said Manners, "because I was 
 smoking too much. I tried to break off- 
 found it hard, got several kinds of fidgets, and 
 then it occurred to me that it would be easier 
 for somebody else to take the trouble to cure 
 me than for me to bother about curing my- 
 self. Of course I'd heard of Dr. Duncan. 
 Everybody has. 'Even you have, haven't 
 you?" 
 
 " Of course," nuitu -red Kelvin, who had 
 heard nothing of the sort. 
 
 " \VrlI. I'd read something about the treat- 
 ment of disease by hypnotism and mental 
 suggestion. Everybody is discussing it these 
 days, though it's an old story in Europe, 
 where the most celebrated scientists have 
 been for \r.u> reporting marvelous discover- 
 ies and amazing cures I I is rising inflection 
 made it a question. Kelvin nodded wisely, 
 and the other continued: 
 
 You know how it's been here in Amer- 
 ica; fear of ridicule and hidebound profes- 
 sional conservatism have prevented our phy- 
 sicians from experimenting or attempting to 
 practice it. Duncan is the only eminent man 
 in his profession who has been brave enough 
 
The Mischief -Maker 
 
 to take it up. Be patient, Eric ; I'm coming 
 to your case presently." 
 
 Manners removed his monocle in order to 
 see more clearly what expressions were chas- 
 ing themselves over Kelvin's disconcerted 
 countenance. 
 
 " What do you mean by my case ? " de- 
 manded Kelvin. " What have I to do with 
 this dinky affair?" 
 
 But Manners ignored the question and an 
 offered cigar with a troubled sigh, and, as 
 Kelvin set fire to his own cigar, he went on: 
 
 " Dr. Duncan has worked miracles in men- 
 tal suggestion. He has cured the intemper- 
 ate, he has corrected the moral equilibrium, 
 made bad people good, restored to sanity the 
 mentally stricken. Think of that, Eric ! " 
 
 "I am. What of it?" 
 
 " This, that, although he performs modern 
 iiusteries and miraculous marvels, his magic 
 is purely scientific ; he reasons coolly ; he op- 
 erates with nothing more occult than com- 
 mon sense. Clear, cold reason is Duncan's 
 only assistant. There's no use of anybody 
 shouting * Mountebank ! ' at him ; he's one of 
 the most widely known and most highly re- 
 spected physicians in active practice; an au- 
 
Some Ladles /;/ Haste 
 
 thor of a dozen scientific works which have 
 IK m crowned by tlu* French Academy and 
 praised by scientists the world over; a lec- 
 turer at Oxford, the Sorbonne, and Harvard. 
 And, Eric " 
 
 "What?" sullenly pu fling his cigar. 
 
 " He not only cured me of that vile habit 
 of smoking, which I notice yon still indulge 
 in. Imt he did it by absent treatment." 
 
 You mean he sat in his office and \\.rked 
 a sort of mental rabbit foot on you? a kind 
 of hoodoo on your smoking while you \\ent 
 about town <n \<mr o\\n atTa 
 
 44 Exactly. I. as ym --..lied about. 
 
 not concerning myself with am jart of the 
 
 num. but in a day or two I began to 
 
 find that I didn't like to smoke. That's \\hat 
 
 he did to me." 
 
 " P,\ JUM JIM thinking alx)ut you at so 
 much a think;'" asked Kelvin flippantly. 
 
 " rreei-ely. And 1 \\as s > |ilea>el that I 
 took another course from him. That was 
 \\here trouble hr-an. I had him treat me 
 for mental vacuity. And l<nk at me now! 
 Why, Eric, my head is full <f thoughts 
 simply scanning with all kinds of bright 
 idea 
 
The Mischief -Maker 
 
 " You mean to say that he did this for 
 you ? " jeered Kelvin, unconvinced. 
 
 " He certainly did," said Manners mod- 
 estly. " The first thing I noticed I began to 
 exhibit faint traces of intelligence. About a 
 fortnight later I had incubated and hatched 
 an original idea, and, when I had found that 
 an idea or two relieved the pressure on the 
 mental vacuum, I began to wonder about all 
 that business of thought transmission and 
 mental influence, the same old thing that has 
 been thrashed out by everybody even by 
 \<>u, it appears." 
 
 He waved his monocle and looked wearily 
 at Kelvin. 
 
 "Same old thing," he said apologetically, 
 " but vitally interesting to me because I <1 
 just been treated. So I got some of Dun- 
 can's books and read 'cm; thought a little. 
 \vent and got some more books; thought a 
 little more, went to Columbia University to 
 hear some lectures " 
 
 " You ! " in derision. 
 
 " Ya-as. And one day, sitting in this same 
 foolish club window, the knob of my stick 
 under my chin, I began to wonder whether I 
 couldn't do a few stunts myself particularly 
 
8 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 in that matter of mental influence exercised 
 upon somebody at a distance. I thought 
 what a help I might be to you, for example." 
 
 Kelvin sought his glass with un>tead\ fin- 
 gers. " Go on," he said. 
 
 44 So," continued Manners simply. I tried 
 it on several people various things on \.m 
 ous people 
 
 " Friends?" demanded Kelvin in some 
 citement. 
 
 44 Some were friends fellows I km \\ 
 Some were ah strangers several pretty 
 girls whom I noticed through the windows. 
 It was a bright ^pring morning. I saw a 
 number of agreeable i;nU>M Fifth Avenue 
 one in particular curiously resembled ah a 
 charming girl I admire e\rredinij\ 
 I >M NMII mean to say that you attempted 
 
 infernal mental experiments on 
 eral attractive girls \\ith \\hom you have no 
 nal acquaintance?" demanded Kelvin. 
 And, as Manners wineed. 'Have you any 
 reason to believe you have succeeded ? " he 
 insisted 
 
 Probably if I may judge from what my 
 mental experiments are now doing to several 
 men of my acquaintance." 
 
The Mischief-Maker 
 
 " W-what what are you making them 
 do?" 
 
 " Various things," admitted Manners, fur- 
 tively watching his shocked friend. " I 
 well such personal qualities as it appeared 
 to me they lacked I attempted to instill into 
 them. For instance, one energetic but per- 
 fectly commonplace young business man I 
 thought needed an injection of devil-may-care 
 romance to leaven him. So I concentrated 
 my intellectual processes on his case ; I gave 
 him vigorous absent treatment he was at the 
 Stock Exchange at the time. He didn't know 
 what was happening to him." 
 
 "And what happened?" said Kelvin. 
 
 Manners shook his head : ** You ought to 
 see him now. He's trying to become en- 
 gaged to almost any girl he meets." 
 
 " What ! " cried Kelvin, horrified. 
 
 Manners looked nervously around, but 
 they were quite alone in the room. Then his 
 glance returned to his friend : 
 
 " He's quite dippy on romance. Isn't it 
 shocking? Wants to wed almost anything he 
 encounters. I I overdid it, you see; the 
 treatment was too vigorous. But I didn't 
 know; I'd had no experience. Besides, I 
 
io Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 really hadn't the faintest notion that I pos- 
 sessed such a power; and and first 1 knew 
 I found I'd suddenly grasped something out 
 of nothing; something as unexpected as a 
 livr \\ire! And, Eric, there I was amazed, 
 pleased \\ith myself, half doubting, blunder- 
 ing in my experiments \\ith this stupendous 
 living power which 1 never dreamed I pos- 
 sessed " 
 
 " Heavens, William." faltered KeKin. " tin, 
 is a murderous confession you are ni.ik 
 
 Manner- dipped <ne lank leg over the 
 Other, where it hung dangling, and, remov- 
 ing the monocle from hi- left eye, examined 
 it \\ith <! 
 
 i us phase- of the affair ' 
 
 to be co i to you Do you think you 
 
 can stand any more. I 
 
 "I!"' 1 Kelvin IHTVoUsly. "Oh,/ 
 
 can stand it all right, hut I'm \\ondi-ring how 
 these miserable victims of yurs are going 
 to stand it ! 
 
 "So am I." said Mann. r^. " I'm Mire I 
 don't know what to do for them." 
 
 " < an't you >t.p it 
 
 " Ya-as, I can stop it that i-. 1 can re- 
 
The Mischief -Maker n 
 
 frain from doing anything ah further in 
 that line." 
 
 Kelvin shuddered ; Manners was aware of 
 the spasm, and his features became troubled. 
 
 " I can, of course, stop my experiments," 
 he went on slowly, " but I can't undo what 
 I've done 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 " Because," replied Manners naively, " I 
 don't know how." 
 
 " But what on earth will happen to your 
 victims?" demanded Kelvin. "What's hap- 
 pening to 'em now ? Manners, you've got to 
 do something- 
 Manners made a gesture with his monocle. 
 "Do something? What," he asked wearily, 
 "am I to do? Tell me and I'll do it. I've 
 tried the same sort of thing backward, but 
 it won't work. I don't seem to be able 
 to neutralize or modify what I've already 
 done. I've written Dr. Duncan, but he's in 
 Japan." 
 
 Kelvin, breathing deeply, said : " I never, 
 never supposed you were that sort of a man. 
 You don't look it," he added reproachfully. 
 " Why, hang it all, Manners, you you're a 
 sort of a a monster ! " 
 
12 Sotnc /.</(//< \\- /';/ Haste 
 
 " D-dnn't say that!" protested the other 
 thickly. 
 
 " I what dreadful idea possessed yon to 
 try to do such things? I thought I knew you 
 pretty well; I nobody ever supposed you 
 ever had an original idea. You you didn't 
 have to be intellectual, you know ; e\er\body 
 
 liked \"n \\ell enough as you were ' 
 
 Thank- : n - very good of. you," said Man- 
 ners, despondently staring out of the window 
 into the brilliant Min-hine. 
 
 Kelvin gazed at him for a moment, -t riv- 
 ing to realize it all, then hysterically put the 
 UP n^ i-nl f 1, -nto hi^ month. 
 
 There \\.t- ->me slight confusion; a servant 
 came and mopped up the fragments of bro- 
 ken \\lun he had retired Kelvin 
 burst nut : 
 
 You tell me these incredible things and 
 I try to comprehend them, but it i- d 
 nniiMial things to my nerves. I'm jumpy. 
 William. And what I want to know imme- 
 diately is whether \<>n've experimented on 
 anybody besides that Wall Street man. 7 
 yo*f" 
 
 ' ifes/ 1 -aid Mann. 
 
 Kelvin sank back in his chair. 
 
The Mischief -Maker 13 
 
 " What else and who else have you done ? " 
 he asked. 
 
 " Enough," said Manners sadly. " I began 
 with a bunch of five friends of mine. I said 
 to myself, ' You are good fellows, good citi- 
 zens, commonplace, prevaricating, uninmagi- 
 native, everyday young Americans, nimbly 
 occupied in acquiring material advantages in 
 a material and sordidly unromantic world/ 
 That's what I said to myself, Kelvin." 
 
 " And what did you do ? " demanded Kelvin 
 in an awful voice. 
 
 " Do? Well, I gave them all absent treat- 
 ment. I treated them according to what I 
 thought they lacked. Into some I injected a 
 mad passion for the unvarnished truth ; into 
 some the desire for adventure, the longing for 
 the poetry and romance of life and and Na- 
 ture- 
 
 " Who," stammered Kelvin, " are these 
 five betrayed, deluded, defrauded, abandoned 
 friends of yours ? " And as Manners fidgeted 
 and attempted to screw his monocle into his 
 left eye: "Who are they, William Manners? 
 And and " he continued shakily " do I 
 know* them? Look at me! Tell me! 
 Speak ! " he broke out, squirming in all the 
 
14 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 torture of uncertainty. " William ! William ! 
 Am / one of those five ? " 
 
 14 Yes," said Manners in the accentless ac- 
 quiescence of despair. " Isn't it terrible?" 
 
 For Ti7/(// part have you picked me?" al- 
 most shouted Kelvin in his terror and be- 
 wilderment. "What have you turned me in 
 to? confound you! I I knew darned well 
 there was something wron^ \\ith me; 1 \\>n 
 dered \\liy I'd l>een growing panties in dinky 
 pots ami ehloroforminx butterflies and t< 
 in- thosr >illy diekex birds in the park with 
 in\ pickets stntted with stale bivad ! I 
 thought it might be softening of the brain. 
 and and it's y//." 
 
 " Yes, old chap," said Manners, humble in 
 uilt. 
 
 " Well good lit -a\ us ! \\rll, ean't you 
 turn it off? Can't yn Mop nie reading Na- 
 ture I'm writing one, too. Can't \n 
 prevent I .n't \ on do something?" in 
 sisted Kelvin, almost besidr himself with fury. 
 "What business have I turning over stones 
 to hunt for beetles and spiders? What do I 
 want to dig up daisies for and look at tin- 
 useless things through a magnifying glass? 
 And Fm doing it all the time. I'm a plain 
 
The Mischief -Maker 15 
 
 business man ; I make pulp paper in bulk. 
 Why," In alnmst snarled, " do I go out to 
 thr suburbs and run about with a butterfly 
 net instead of attending to my business? I 
 like the city ; I don't like the country. But 
 I can't keep away from it ! " 
 
 " Is it ruining you?" asked Manners mis- 
 erably. 
 
 It no, it isn't. I'm not too feeble-mind- 
 ed to make a living in spite of what you've 
 done to me. But I tell you, William, it's 
 horrible to want to do something sensible and 
 be unable to resist an inclination to go to the 
 park and feed peanuts to the squirrels. And 
 besides, I I there's a girl I once saw, . . . 
 and I dorit like the sort of girl she is. ... 
 And she's pretty as the mischief. And she 
 studies Nature books, and peeps up into trees 
 when some infernal tomtit begins to pipe up." 
 
 "Who is she?" asked Manners in despair. 
 
 " I don't know. I don't want to know. 
 She's too pretty and intellectual. Can't you 
 make me stop looking at her? Can't you 
 make her go away ? " he insisted, almost fran- 
 tic. 
 
 " Where is she ? " asked Manners blankly. 
 
 " Where is she ? I don't know. But I've 
 
16 Some Ladies in llustc 
 
 seen her several times when I'm out in the 
 confounded outskirts of civilization, with my 
 pockets full of ferns and forceps and tin 
 boxes crammed with caterpillars. Think of 
 it, William, I, a decent, respectable, city-bred, 
 city-loving business man ' 
 
 He almost broke do\\n ; Manners, too, was 
 deeply affected. 
 
 " That girl," he said unsteadily. " is prob- 
 ably one of the agreeable girls 1 >a\\ through 
 this \\imli, \\. and whom I chose for my ex- 
 periments. I'm awfully sorry, old fellow, but 
 / haven't a notion \\lio she is who any of 
 tlum are. All I <li<l. uhen an attractive girl 
 came along, was to say to myself : ' Now, you 
 are very pretty and delightful to look at, but 
 you probably think trivial thoughts most of 
 the time, and you have been brought up with 
 false notions of the world. Go out and see 
 tin- sun HM ! Go listen to the speckled tm 
 tit ! Get busy \\ith Nature and the living ro- 
 mance of the free world! You dance too 
 much : you cultivate too assiduously the com- 
 paratively unimportant. Be a real girl a 
 charming, frank, natural, fearless, disinterest- 
 ed, intelligent girl. Give yourself the sensa- 
 tion of an original idea. Take an interest in 
 
The Mischief-Maker 17 
 
 the resources of those simpler pleasures now 
 banned as obsolete by a fretted, pampered, 
 overambitious, and intellectually degenerate 
 society where wealth is ' " 
 
 " William ! " 
 
 " What ? " he asked guiltily. 
 
 " If if you've done all that to those young 
 girls you've done a terrible thing! " 
 
 "Why?" 
 
 " BecaiiM ynu'vi' filK (1 their heads with un- 
 conventional notions. You make 'em want 
 to go and be dryads in the Bronx and \\V-t 
 Chester. And they can't be unless they trans- 
 gress every law and rule of feminine training 
 and bringing up. How can they? These 
 hothouse exotics, brought up under glass in 
 the only foreign city in the United States; 
 these pretty heiresses of vulgar millions 
 whose notions of the country are limited to 
 macadamized roads and a touring car, whose 
 aspirations are to dominate and sit lightly 
 enthroned on the spindrift of the social 
 surf He broke off, furious with him- 
 self for his own flow of metaphor. " You 
 see ! " he cried, mad all through, " your ab- 
 sent treatment makes me talk like an ac- 
 cursed literary thing, and not like a man, a 
 
i8 Spine Ladies in Ifu 
 
 paper manufacturer, and a voter! William, 
 this is a vile, vile business. Within me. Nell- 
 ing up, I feel unsuspected springs of petr\. 
 Confound it, I can't even think in decent. 
 self-respecting English. I cogitate in rhythm ; 
 I become loquacious in alliteration. I'm not 
 m\ self. 1 haven't been for a month. And, 
 look now ! I haven't anything to do to-day; 
 I ought to sit here for a while like a human 
 hcintf. then play a i^ame or two of billiards, 
 then lunch c >mt"< n'tably upstairs, then take a 
 drive in my new six-cylinder tourer, then 
 dress and go to see the right sort of woman 
 or go to a good play then come here for 
 a cocktail and a rubber, then O Lord! 
 and n>\\ look at me! I.wk!" 
 
 And he pulled from his bulging poci 
 a lot of bottles and boxes and notebooks 
 crowded with o! Hi upon the nesting 
 
 habits of the speckled titmouse. "And the 
 \\<rst is that I'm now going, William, going 
 out to chase butterflies, and rush eagerly after 
 every thousand-legged thing that wriggles 
 and crawls. And I'm in a hurry, too. Isn't 
 that the limit? I'm actually impatient to be 
 off, getting my shoes muddy and burs all 
 over me. I don't want to like that girl I 
 
The Mischief -Maker 19 
 
 sometimes see doing the same thing, and I'm 
 afraid I'm getting to like to look at her. 
 William! William! Can't you do anything 
 forme?" 
 
 " Do you know," said Manners earnestly, 
 " that it's like some dreadful dream all this 
 that I've somehow managed to do? I can't 
 really believe it ; I'm palsied by it. I try to 
 undo it by negative absent treatment. But 
 it doesn't seem to work. Tell me, Kelvin, do 
 do you notice any amelioration of your 
 condition when I fix my mind on you, and 
 give you negative absent treat " 
 
 " Let me alone ! " almost yelled Kelvin. 
 " Don't you dare try am thing more; do you 
 hear? I'm bad enough as I am, and if you 
 experiment further you may turn me into 
 almost anything ! " 
 
 For a moment the two men faced each 
 other two well-dressed, well-built, attract- 
 ive young fellows, confronting one another 
 in a corner of one of the most exclusively 
 fashionable of the junior clubs in New 
 York. 
 
 And as they stared into each other's eyes 
 the situation seemed too impossible, too ab- 
 surdly grotesque to be real. Here, in the 
 3 
 
20 Sonic Ladles in llustc 
 
 daylight of the twentieth century, within a 
 stone's throw of Broadway ; here, in all the 
 garish, unshadowed glare of Fifth Avenue, 
 in the most modern, most matter-of-fact of 
 metropolitan centers, uhere no inhabitant 
 admitted romance could exist either in the 
 city's magnificence or in its degraded squal- 
 or; where the only romance understood was 
 the ni-cr. >maiu-\ .! \\eallh and the manipula- 
 tion of it ! 
 
 Powerless, inert. Manners sank back into 
 In- chair. Kelvin caM one withering glance 
 upon his collated friend, thru. Mulling bot- 
 tles, boxes, ami notebooks into his pockets, 
 rose, crammed the slra\\ hat firmly over his 
 and turned toward the d< 
 
 " \\'- \\lu- re are \ on g-goir gasped 
 
 Main 
 
 "Into the country dammit!" snarled 
 Kelvin, pan-in- to turn up his carefully 
 creased tn u 
 
 "Ericl I )on't go." 
 
 How can I help it? Do you think I 
 
 7C<//I/ tO gO?" 
 
 iall I detain \<ni 1>\ v-violence ? " 
 asked Manners anxiously ; '* shall I hold you, 
 Eric 
 
The Mischief -Maker 21 
 
 " If you do I'll probably knock your head 
 off." 
 
 " But think think of the danger of b-being 
 stung by bees." 
 
 " I do or by that girl." 
 
 " Heavens, Eric ! Don't don't be beguiled 
 into wedlock." 
 
 " Oh, it's all very well for you to tell 
 me such things now\ Anvthing's likely 
 to happen; I may be attacked by a tad- 
 pole or chased by a frog or bitten by that 
 confounded tomtit. But I've got to go, all 
 the same." 
 
 Manners sprang forward to seize him, but 
 Kelvin became violent. They stood there, 
 confronting one another, breathing hard. 
 Then : 
 
 " Me for the Bronx," said Kelvin sullenly. 
 " Leggo ! " And he disappeared through the 
 portals of the Lenox Club. 
 
 Manners observed his friend's departure 
 with profound discouragement. Matters were 
 not very well with him these days ; things 
 had begun to go wrong in several ways ever 
 since that accursed day when, idling at this 
 very window, he had, without expecting suc- 
 cess, ventured to attempt a mental influence 
 
22 Some Lcnlics in Haste 
 
 on the first five attractive and unsuspicious 
 maidens who blew breezily by through the 
 pale April sunshine. 
 
 How could he doubt that IK- had vitall) 
 influenced them, judging from the cataclys- 
 mic effect of his experiments on hi- UK ml 
 Kelvin? Alas! \\hat had he driven these in- 
 nocent victims into what mad escapades, 
 \\hat mischief, what irrational, unconventional 
 situations ! 
 
 Miseralily. e\er\ morning and evening, he 
 scanned the nexx sj.ap, i -. fearfnl lest he come 
 upon some ca>ualt\ \\hich he must reo> L 
 
 lie dreadful result f his outrageous ex- 
 periments. Kvcry time am feminine individ- 
 ual did anything reprehensible and the p.v 
 reported it. Manners p.. red over the account 
 in ni^i mixed douht. 
 
 But so far he had not his ,\\n 
 
 responsibility in the police report! of the mis 
 deeds of the frail and fair. 
 
 The greater part of his K-JMire \\as em 
 ployed in a vigorous mental endeavor to 
 reverse and nullify the mental tions 
 
 \\hich no 'doubt had worked marvelous 
 change in half a dozen guileless young girls ; 
 the remainder of his leisure was taken up 
 
The Mischief -Maker 23 
 
 with vain attempts to obtain an interview 
 with the very charming and agreeably friv- 
 olous girl to whom he had been engaged 
 was still engaged to, as he understood it. 
 Yet now, for nearly three months, he had 
 failed to obtain from her more than the brief- 
 est replies to his notes, and only the most 
 fugitively formal interviews with her in the 
 presence of her family, or at some crowded 
 function or other. And he was becoming 
 deathly tired of it. 
 
 So that afternoon, beautifully arrayed, he 
 sauntered up Fifth Avenue for the purpose of 
 bestowing his society upon her. She lived at 
 present with a doddering aunt, IHT parent ^ 
 being in Europe. And IK* had welcomed the 
 situation with pleasure at tir-t ; yet, strangely 
 enough, ever since her parents had -ailed, he 
 not only had received no replies to notes and 
 telephone calls, but he had never been able 
 to find her at home, and her decrepit aunt 
 never seemed to be able to furnish him with 
 any adequate explanation. 
 
 So he was very serious and nervous and 
 preoccupied when he rang the bell at her 
 door that afternoon, and when the servant at 
 the door informed him, as usual, that she was 
 
24 Some l.udics in Haste 
 
 not at home, a violent desire to yell possessed 
 him. 
 
 Baffled, restless, apprehensive, nerves on 
 edge, he returned to the Lenox Club. 
 
 If she doesn't stop this sort of thing if 
 she doesn't behave more appreciatively to- 
 ward me," he muttered, "I I'll try a litiK- 
 absent treatment. I'll give that ama 
 just one more chance at me, just om ! " 
 
 And as he looked gloomily out of tlu club 
 window he thought of his awful power, and 
 shuddered. 
 
CHAPTER II 
 
 DIANA S CHASE 
 
 1HERE rolls the Bronx athwart 
 the suburban solitudes of 
 Westchester, the traditional 
 pedestrian might have been 
 perceived pursuing an erratic 
 and eccentric course cross lots, and any regu- 
 larly enrolled member of any rural constabu- 
 lary might have been pardoned for slinking 
 after him and hiding behind trees to peep out 
 at him, so suspicious were his movements, so 
 furtive, so singularly and utterly devoid of 
 suburban and common sense. 
 25 
 
26 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 The classical, isolated pedestrian \\a- 1\< 1 
 vin ; tin boxes were slung about his person, 
 drooping fronds of uprooted fun- waved 
 pendent from his coat pockets ; in one hand he 
 carried a burlap bag containing captured gar- 
 ter snakes ; in the otlu r lu brandished a green 
 gauze bnturlly net; and all over his straw 
 hat were stuck defunct butterflies impaled on 
 pin-. 
 
 In his thumbs were briers ; upon his shoes 
 a deposit of good, thick WestchesU r mud. 
 Some co\l\ plaxful thorn had attrmpu-d to 
 detain him by the broad u 1 \panse 
 
 of his trousers; thru, plucking him by the 
 elbow, had \indhti\rl\ ^ivcii him a parting 
 scratch across the nose. 
 
 However, it \\a- rvidi-nt that hr didn't 
 care. Unslaked rutlm-ia-m Imnu-d in hi- 
 as he laboriously turmd mer Hat stom-s in 
 search of beetles and pursued them on all 
 fours as they fled through the grass. Now 
 he explored the shallows of the Bronx for 
 aquatic insects. Now he playfully pounced 
 upon a demented tadpole ; anon he gamboled 
 in the wake of some fast-flying dragon fly, 
 net aloft, boisterously excited. 
 
 And all the while he was astounded at his 
 
Diana's Chase 27 
 
 own behavior, ashamed, indignant with him- 
 self as he crawled or squatted or careered 
 about the landscape. And all the while he 
 kept one curious and furtive eye upon a mod- 
 erately distant figure on the other bank of 
 the Bronx the figure of a young girl who 
 moved leisurely about, a butterfly net bal- 
 anced across her shoulders, a pair of field 
 glasses slung to swing at her hip. 
 
 Askance he could see her very plainly 
 across the water, an attractive, fresh-skinned, 
 dark-eyed maid in a most distractingly pretty 
 summer gown. 
 
 She had pinned her straw hat to her gown, 
 where it hung against the other hip, balan- 
 cing the field glasses; her skirts were short, 
 her free-limbed unconscious stride revealed 
 small tan shoes and agreeable ankles. 
 
 Whether or not she was aware of his pres- 
 ence he could not determine, for she never 
 appeared to look at him, which was sufficient 
 to convince any cynical outsider like you or 
 me. 
 
 At moments she paused, head on one side, 
 eyes aloft, listening rapturously to the com- 
 plicated song of the speckled tomtit. At mo- 
 ments she gazed pensively into the depths of 
 
28 Sonic /.(/<//V.\- /;/ Haste 
 
 the Bronx almost six inches deep in places 
 as though monsters lurked there in aque- 
 ous profundity. Several times she ran light- 
 footed after the glittering dragon flies that 
 sailed and drifted along the reedy reaches un- 
 der the willows. 
 
 When she captured a specimen she applied 
 chloroform to its nose, then sedately impaled 
 it upon a pin. 
 
 And all the while Kelvin prowled, pretend- 
 ing not to see her; and all the while she ap- 
 peared oblivious to him. 
 
 He muttered to himself: " I don't want to 
 look at her, but I can't help it. Why dor -n't 
 she go somewhere else and chase dragon 
 flies? . . . Besides, she's trespassing on my 
 <>\\n i-Mllrriing ground; I discovered this God- 
 forsaken region first. I have first right to 
 this place. Sooner or later we'll both stum- 
 ble on something rare and valuable, and 
 therell be a dispute about it ; there'll be 
 trouble, sure " 
 
 He broke off short; speech failed him; hi< 
 tongue clove to the roof of his mouth. For 
 there, fluttering lazily above the \\ater. mid- 
 way between him and the young girl on the 
 opposite bank, appeared a butterfly. 
 
Diana's Chase 29 
 
 It was not a particularly handsome butter- 
 fly ; not apparently an insect to cause such 
 instant and amazing symptoms of vital ex- 
 citement in two young people ; it was a mod- 
 erate-sized, smoky-tinted specimen with a 
 glimmer of deep blue playing over the sheen 
 of the rapidly moving wings. 
 
 But as the two young people became si- 
 multaneously aware of the creature, two 
 green gauze butterfly nets were whipped 
 aloft, two symmetrical pairs of legs wen 
 stantly set in motion, two madly desirous 
 hearts beat as one, two souls harbored the 
 same traditional thought. 
 
 The butterfly, whose name happened to be 
 Argynnis Diana, though she didn't suspect it, 
 flew gayly along above the little river, up- 
 stream, and impartially midway between the 
 two banks. 
 
 Along the east bank ran the girl, gracefully 
 fleet, head turned, dark eyes following the in- 
 sect, which darted on just out of reach of her 
 net ; on the west bank galloped Kelvin, his 
 tin paraphernalia flopping and jingling, net 
 in the air, terribly excited at his first sight 
 of the great Southern Diana fritillary, whose 
 presence in New York State had never before 
 
30 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 been recorded even by a popular writer of 
 fiction. 
 
 As for the big clouded Diana, flashin. 
 hint of royal azure with every beat of her 
 >tnng, fleet wings, she settled down to lead 
 those two young, ardent souls a chase wor- 
 thy of the goddess after whom she had been 
 christened. 
 
 First she swung across to the east hank, 
 where the girl instantly put on three speeds 
 forward, chasing her \\ith skirts a-tlutter and 
 flashing hecK. 
 
 Diana turned; it \\as almost useless hut 
 the girl attempted a mid-air net stroke and 
 missed; and the butterfly whirled upward in 
 alarm, flitting on slanting wings across to 
 the west bank. 
 
 Kelvin fancied he heard a faint. l>n>l 
 hearted exclamation. !\ more than a 
 
 quick indrawn breath, but he had no tini 
 si ntimental inquiry; Diana swept across his 
 arc of vision; he leaped forward, net aloft, 
 running warily, alert for the psychological 
 second which might give him his opportunity. 
 
 And, as he ran, he was aware that across 
 the water the girl was speeding over ferns 
 and turf, keeping pace with him, a mix- 
 
liana's Chase 31 
 
 ture of determination and despair in her 
 brown eyes, yet prepared for any accident 
 which might give her another chance at the 
 flying Diana. 
 
 So they ran; and it was evident that they 
 both must have been in excellent physical 
 condition, for the pace was fast and the sun 
 was bright, and it was no boulevard they fol- 
 lowed over the uneven country broken with 
 clumps of bushes, fern, rocks, and fences. 
 
 As for the fences, the girl took them like 
 a slim thoroughbred ; over went her net first, 
 then she went over; how, she never after- 
 wards understood but over she went, picked 
 up her net, and on again with tan-shod feet 
 flying. 
 
 Once Kelvin came a cropper ; and as he fell 
 his tin collecting boxes banged and dinned so 
 that his fall resembled the fall of the White 
 Knight; and the girl smothered a half-hys- 
 terical laugh and tried to keep her brown 
 eyes on the butterfly. 
 
 But Kelvin was off again, and so near to 
 the fleeing Diana that he made a net stroke, 
 and missed. 
 
 Instantly the butterfly veered, dashed mad- 
 ly through the sunshine, up, up, over the top 
 
32 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 of a maple tree, then swiftly descended once 
 more to the east bank of the stream. And 
 Kelvin groaned, but ran on. 
 
 Now his rival, the fleet-footed racer of the 
 east bank, had caught her second breath. 
 The sun glinted on her curly brown hair ami 
 in the depths of IHT dark eyd as she sprang 
 forward, brandish in^ her net for the stroke 
 that she had so long awaited. Nearer and 
 nearer her flying feet brought her to Diana, 
 \\lio, low fixing, uas fluttering scarce ten 
 paces forward. 
 
 Nearer and nearer drew the flushed pur- 
 suer; Krlviii set Ins teeth in de>pair as the 
 green net >\\ept level ; then he could have 
 yelled in his excitement, for Diana, avoiding 
 the stroke, dipped sideways in mid-air, and 
 whirled across the water in an ecstasy of 
 fright, straightaway in front of him. 
 
 Now it meant a long, grim, dogged test 
 of endurance before he could hope for an- 
 other chance. 
 
 The butterfly was thoroughly alarmed, : 
 ing tirelessly forward across the country, and 
 Kelvin settled down into a determined trot. 
 confident at any rate that his neighbor across 
 the stream had come to her last ditch. 
 
Diana's Chase 33 
 
 But, after a moment or two, out of the 
 corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of flut- 
 tering skirts ; and, astonished and slightly 
 chagrined, he observed her askance, forg- 
 ing lightly ahead into his range of vision, 
 pretty face flushed, hair undisciplined, the 
 green net aloft and floating in the summer 
 wind. 
 
 At first he was irritated; then her gallant 
 and silent courage touched him, and he want- 
 ed to turn and call across the water to her 
 and tell her that she'd probably be ill if she 
 didn't stop. But he had no breath to do so ; 
 no time, no opportunity to turn. Diana was 
 flying fast, and he had all he could do to 
 keep her in view. 
 
 There was a little grove of trees just ahead 
 where the river narrowed and made a sudden 
 bend. If Diana got among the trees he'd 
 probably lose sight of her; if Diana went over 
 the treetops she'd cross to the east bank 
 again, and that swift-limbed rival of his would 
 probably get her this time. 
 
 Spurred into one last frantic dash, Kelvin 
 shot forward and fairly ran the butterfly 
 down ; but Diana darted under his net, 
 mounted straight up among the leaves, and 
 
34 Some Ladles In Ilustc 
 
 vanished. And, though Kelvin ran about dis- 
 tractedly hither and thither, he could not espy 
 his I )iana of tin- Ilronx. 
 
 And after he had run round and round the 
 outside of the clump of trees and had can- 
 tered up and down the open fields beyond, 
 he st><,,l -till, gasping for breath until his 
 breath came hack into his lun^s. Then, wild- 
 1 but alert, he stride into the clump of 
 trees av^ain. And here lu- became aware of 
 his rival, Hushed, breathless, rhanningly di- 
 sheveled, sitting upon a mossy stone, eyes 
 persixtnitl) ii\i-d on the top 1 of a tall 
 
 oak t 
 
 Her slender tanned \\rists \\i-re bare, her 
 sleeves pushed back to her elbows; and she 
 sat, clasping her knees in her hands, rhin up- 
 tilted, delicate nose in the air. the green but 
 tertly net across her lap. 
 
 Kelvin, breathing hard, looked up, too. 
 He saw nothing but golden-green leaves 
 and branches and the blue sky between. 
 Then he looked at the girl, then up in the 
 air, then at the girl, then up into the tree 
 again. 
 
 Evidently the butterfly had alighted some- 
 where high in that oak tree, and she had seen 
 
Diana's Chase 35 
 
 it and had taken the river at a single jump 
 where it narrowed among the trees. 
 
 This was the limit. She had not only had 
 the bad taste to chase his butterfly, but now 
 she had come over into his territory to con- 
 tinue her flagrant conduct. 
 
 He said, speaking firmly and aloud : " I 
 wonder where my butterfly went." 
 
 The intruder appeared not to notice him. 
 She continued to clasp her knees in her hands 
 and look up into the tree. 
 
 Kelvin looked up again, and continued 
 looking until his neck ached. Then he 
 glanced defiantly at the girl and sat down. 
 Presently he forced a pleasant smile. 
 
 " I beg your pardon," he said cheerfully, 
 and with a note of surprise in his voice, as 
 though for the first time that day he had 
 noticed her presence in Westchester. " I am 
 wondering whether by any chance you ob- 
 served a butterfly around this vicinity be- 
 longing to me ? " 
 
 She permitted him a slow, disdainful sweep 
 of her eyes. 
 
 " I have seen several butterflies to-day," 
 she said. " It did not occur to me they 
 might belong to anybody." 
 4 
 
36 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 " This one the one I have been chasing 
 is a dusky bluish one/' he ventured. I 
 really must secure that specimen ; it's quite 
 necessary for my rather important collection. 
 So I wondered whether 1>\ any chance \u 
 happened to notice such a butterih." 
 
 She remained silent. 
 
 He repeated his question. 
 
 " Yes, I saw it," she said, flushing up. 
 "You know perfectly well that I sau it 
 
 "Where is it now? M he asked, ro Liming 
 in his turn. 
 
 " I do not see why I should answer that 
 question," she said with M If-posses- 
 
 sion. 
 
 " Why why, I've just explained to you. 
 That is Diana's butterfly a tremendously 
 rare one. Never before has anybutU ->< -en 
 it flying north of Virginia. And, of course, 
 as I was fortunate enough to discover it 
 it's so to speak my butterth." 
 
 " I think," she said resolutely. " that 1 was 
 fortunate in seeing it before you before ;t 
 body else noticed it. Under that imprein." 
 she added coldly, " I was at some pains and 
 inconvenience to follow it." 
 
 " Pains ! " he repeated ; " inconvenience ! 
 
Diana's Chase 37 
 
 I may say that for myself. Of course, no 
 doubt you supposed that you first discov- 
 ered it- 
 
 " I know I did." 
 
 " I do not question the sincerity of your 
 belief, but, as it happens, it was I who first 
 discovered it 
 
 " I cannot admit that," she retorted with a 
 quaver in her voice. 
 
 " I'm sorry," he said patiently, " but it's 
 a fact. And I would not press the point or 
 insist if this butterfly were not so unusual 
 if the occurrence of this insect was not abso- 
 lutely unique in this latitude." 
 
 " I don't see," she said, with another little 
 catch in her voice, " why that makes any 
 difference." 
 
 Kelvin spoke impressively: 
 
 " It makes this difference : if it were a com- 
 mon or even a rare specimen indigenous to 
 Westchester, I, being a man, would naturally 
 yield it to you. But this butterfly is too im- 
 portant to decorate the collection of a mere 
 amateur; science knows no sex or courtesy 
 to sex. It is important to science and to the 
 world that this specimen of Argynnis Diana 
 should be procured and safely cared for by 
 
38 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 some man who, like myself, is prepared to 
 abandon the hideously commercial pursuits 
 he has hitherto blindly indulged in, and de- 
 vote the remainder of an all-too-brief career 
 to the exacting demands of scien 
 
 When he had delivered himself of this, he 
 paused to recover his breath and observe the 
 effect on IKT. 
 
 She sat with head obstinate!) lowered, eyes 
 bent on the moss at her feet ; but she offered 
 no answer, no concession. 
 
 " Will \ou tell me where that butterth -, 
 he asked. " I don't <K>ire to appear selfish." 
 
 ' You do appear so." 
 
 " I don't mean to 
 
 " It it will be a hideous disappointment 
 to me if I lose that butterflx." she said. 1 
 I simply ean't endure the thought of it. 
 The idea of of anybody taking it away from 
 me!" 
 
 " In the interest of science/' he began, but 
 she shook her head. 
 
 " I can't help it ; I like the color of that 
 butterfly, and 1 want to place it in my collec- 
 tion. I " she looked up hopefully " I have 
 a very pretty collection all kinds and col- 
 
Diana's Chase 39 
 
 " That's very praiseworthy," he explained ; 
 " but science is different. You merely want 
 pretty things in cases to decorate a mantel 
 or " 
 
 "Of course I do!" 
 
 " Very well ; then catch a lot of everyday 
 butterflies. I I'll help you if you wish." 
 
 " No, I don't wish it thank you." 
 
 " As you please. Only you surely must 
 recognize the importance of my securing this 
 particular 
 
 *' I do not recognize it." 
 
 There was a pause. 
 
 " Will you tell me where that butterfly is? " 
 
 No answer. 
 
 " Is it up in that oak tree ? " 
 
 No reply. 
 
 He looked at her, but her pretty head 
 was averted. Then an obstinate expression 
 came over his features ; he sat down on 
 the dead leaves about ten feet away from 
 her. 
 
 For a while he busied himself with arrang- 
 ing his specimens; first he unslung the bag 
 of garter snakes, peeped into the neck of it, 
 drew the string tight, and placed it on the 
 grass. 
 
40 Some Ladies in l/asfc 
 
 Askance the girl watched tlu- l>ai;. shiver- 
 ing slightly when the limp folds undulated 
 with the wriggling reptiles inside. 
 
 Then Kelvin spread out his fern-, wrapped 
 up their roots in damp eloth, and squinted at 
 the fronds through a pocket ina^nifx ing glass. 
 After that he removed his hat, unpinned tin- 
 butterflies, and placed the speeimens. wings 
 closed over their hacks, in little three-cor- 
 nered paper envelopes. These he packed 
 carefully into a flat tin box which was slung 
 over his should* 
 
 He had a few grcwsome caterpillars ; these 
 he counted and secured in another lo\ 
 punched full of holes. \n< r that he emptied 
 his pockets of the remaining . placed 
 
 each in its proper receptacle, and, duty fin- 
 ished, looked around inquiringly at his neigh- 
 bor. 
 
 She appeared to be immersed in a study of 
 the top branches of the oak; he strove to 
 make out which particular leaf she was gaz- 
 ing at, having no doubt in his mind that I )i- 
 ana, wings folded, hung there clasping the 
 leaf with delicate limbs. 
 
 It was like looking for a needle in a hay- 
 stack, for, unless he had seen the butterfly 
 
Diana's Chase 41 
 
 alight, it seemed utterly impossible to find it 
 up there among a million leaves. 
 
 He studied the foliage until he grew pee- 
 vish. Then, suddenly, he remembered that 
 over his left shoulder he carried a game bag 
 full of alluring luncheon. His entire phys- 
 ical being yearned for it. So first of all he' 
 went to the river, washed his hands, and 
 returned. 
 
 Very* methodically he produced a large, 
 freshly ironed handkerchief and spread it out 
 on the moss. Upon this he placed several 
 species of nourishing sandwiches, some fruit, 
 and a patent cooler full of spring water. 
 
 The girl resolutely watched the hidden Di- 
 ana, yet, at moments, her brown eyes stole 
 toward the single glass of water which he 
 had poured. 
 
 " Now," he said coolly, " it being impossi- 
 ble for us both to eat together, I will take 
 your place on watch while you lunch." 
 
 "Thank you," she said, "but I shall not 
 tell you where my Diana is hiding." 
 
 " That is not necessary," he said. " If any- 
 thing attempts to fly out of that oak tree I 
 can see it. Til simply keep my eye on the 
 tree." 
 
42 Sonic I.mHis in llustc 
 
 She declined with a shake of her head, but 
 thanked him. 
 
 " Then I'll bring something to you " 
 
 "Please don't!" 
 I must if I am to c 
 
 " I I don't care for anything." 
 
 " But I can't sit there and stuff myself all 
 alone." 
 
 She smiled faintly, glancing askance at tin- 
 glass of wat 
 
 You are a generous rival, she said. I 
 I really am perishing for a sip of water." 
 
 He brought tin- glass to her. 
 
 "Have you plcntx ? " she inquired. 
 
 "Plentv. 
 
 She drank a little slowly, and while she 
 was drinking he lni<l his game bag acr<xx hn 
 knees. On the flat leather was a clean sheet 
 of note paper from hi> held book, and on this 
 paper he placed some lettuce and chicken 
 sandwiches, two pears, and three peaches. 
 
 She handed him the glass of water, demur- 
 ring, but as he refused to touch food unless 
 she did, she finally began, daintily. 
 
 " I had some luncheon the packet slipped 
 out of my collecting box when I \\a- \\a- 
 going over a fence," she explained. 
 
Diana's Chase 43 
 
 " And you didn't stop to recover it ? " 
 
 " Stop? For a thing like that? " she asked 
 disdainfully. 
 
 " Well, that is rather plucky of you," he 
 observed. 
 
 " I don't think so. I'd do almost anything 
 sacrifice anything almost to capture that 
 butterfly." 
 
 He grew grave immediately ; there was a 
 silence ; then he said : 
 
 " I didn't suppose you possessed any of the 
 qualities one expects to find in a true scien- 
 tist. I don't understand how an an amateur, 
 who cares only for the mere prettiness of a 
 butterfly, could run as fast after one as you 
 did, and keep up such a heartbreaking chase 
 under a vertical sun 
 
 " It would break my heart if I couldn't get 
 that butterfly," she said. 
 
 " It's the same with me," he admitted. 
 " But I don't see why it would do anything 
 so serious to you." 
 
 " Why not? I've set my heart on it." 
 
 " Have you a serious collection ? " 
 
 " Yes," she said. 
 
 " Do you study butterflies ? " 
 
 " Certainly I do." 
 
44 Sonic Ladies in Hustc 
 
 i u>ly ? " 
 
 11 Perfectly/ 1 she smiled. 
 
 " Scientifically ? " he persisted. 
 
 She pouted adorably : " No, if you mean to 
 ask me whether I know all their names." 
 " But what use arc they to you?" 
 
 " They are of a use most important," she 
 said with smiling decision. And as his eyes 
 grew rounder she laughed. " Of course, you 
 think that I probably cook and eat them." 
 
 " I can't understand." he said. " why you 
 take such a tremendous lot of trouble to 
 chase this butterfly 
 
 I tM \<u; it's the color that attracted 
 me. I never saw MU h a delicately original 
 combination of smuk\ -i.i\ and blue and 
 pearl tint-." 
 
 "And \MU \\ant my rare and wonderful Di- 
 ana just becaii-e \ii like the color of her 
 wings?" he demanded impatiently. 
 
 "Just for that. In butterflies the com- 
 bination of colors is so charmingly original 
 that I use them in selecting my hats and 
 gowns." 
 
 He looked at her exasperated. She was 
 eating a peach, and the delicately delightful 
 way she did it would have humbled any or- 
 
Diana's Chase 45 
 
 dinary man to adoration. Even Kelvin, deep 
 in his benighted soul of an entomologist, felt 
 several exquisite thrills shooting among his 
 ribs, and, between spasms of exasperation, 
 he sat rather dazzled by her fresh, youthful 
 beauty. 
 
 44 There are some things which are the lim- 
 it," he said, partly to himself. 
 
 The girl sipped her glass of water and 
 gazed up into the tree. 
 
 " Suppose," he said, " that Diana should 
 suddenly take a notion to come to earth ? " 
 
 44 I would run after lu r, >he observr.l 
 
 "So would I," he said promptly. 
 
 " Meanwhile," she nodded gayly, " there is 
 no use in speculating as to which one of us is 
 to be fortunate." 
 
 Clearly she had every confidence in her 
 own quickness of eye and fleetness of limb, 
 and her laughing courage (list u rind Kelvin. 
 
 *' In the interests of science," he said sud- 
 denly, " I ought to climb that tree." 
 
 " What ? " she exclaimed, paling. 
 
 " I ought to sling my butterfly net around 
 my neck and shin up that tree," he repeated. 
 
 " Tha that is unfair horridly unfair 
 
 " And shin up and up," he continued, un- 
 
46 Sonic Ladies in Haste 
 
 heeding, "until I get to the top. Then 1 M 
 easily discover Diana 
 
 " I if you attempt to climb that tree/' she 
 exclaimed, " I'll climb it, t< 
 
 You can't/' he jeered, feeling very, very 
 mean in his triumph. 
 
 " I can. I'll do it, too if you attempt it." 
 
 " I'm going to in the interest of science/' 
 he announced deliberately. And, rising, he 
 walked to the foot of the tree. 
 
 Instantly she sprang to her feet, but as 
 he easily swung himself into the tirM crotch 
 she halted, \\ent \\hite. then red. then, as In- 
 turned and looked down at her, the quick 
 tears rushed to li 
 
 " Science or not." she faltered, in a choking 
 voice, "it i- it i- contemptible!" 
 
 But he was leaning down from the first 
 branch, holding out both hands to her, and 
 saying: "Of course, I mean to fight you on 
 even terms. Catch my hands reach up a 
 little higher! Now! Swing clear! I'll lift 
 you into the first crotch ! " 
 
 It was done in an instant ; he swung her 
 from her feet to a firm footing beside him ; 
 and, as she caught a branch and steadied her- 
 self, she said : 
 
Diana's Chase 47 
 
 " I knew you were not that sort. You fight 
 fairly. I knew you always would." 
 
 " How did you know? " 
 
 "How? Why, I've made up my mind 
 about you ; I made up my mind the first time 
 I ever saw you this last spring when you 
 first came wandering along the Bronx." 
 
 " And what did you decide ? " he asked, 
 affected by her frankness and by the nearness 
 of her. For they were crowded rather closely 
 together in the crotch of the oak so close 
 that he was sensible of the delicately vague 
 fragrance of her the faint, fresh odor of her 
 hair, her gown, her breath. 
 
 She steadied her slender body, one hand on 
 the tree trunk, and looked fearlessly aloft. 
 
 " Come on," she said. " Are you ready to 
 start on even terms ? " 
 
 He looked up at the high branches, then at 
 her. 
 
 " You can't go up there," he said, with a 
 curious sensation of apprehension. 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 " I it's too too high. Your shoes are 
 slippery 
 
 4 There's no more chance of my falling 
 than there is of yours, is there ? " 
 
48 Some Ladies in Ifusfc 
 
 And as he did not reply : " Fair \\arnir 
 she said, catching \\ith both sun-tanned hands 
 the branch above her head. " I air \\arnm-! 
 One, two, three! " and the\ scrambled upward 
 together through the thicket of leaves and 
 branches. 
 
 They had shortened their butterfly nets, 
 and hung them an mud their necks by rubber 
 bands. The rings and the netting became 
 constantly entangled in the foliage as they 
 raced upward, climbing >\\ittl\ toward the 
 patches of blue sky on high. 
 
 lie casils outstripped her; her skirts and 
 her net seemed to catch continually. Besides, 
 her wrists were not as strong as his. and 
 her limbs were not so long or so stmd\. 
 He used his powerful shoulder inn-des and 
 swung up the ladder of branches past her. 
 tearing a sk\ward path through the #i 
 Already he had distanced her; the precar 
 footing did not slacken his pace, nor 
 eitlu-r; but his lu-ad was above hers, then 
 slowly neck, chest, shoulders ahead of 1 
 He glanced down into her determined face, 
 caught a glimmer of defiance in the brown 
 eyes ; then suddenly the eyes widened under 
 a shock of purest fear; he saw the small, 
 
Diana's Chase 49 
 
 smooth hand slip, clutch at the branch, cling 
 and slip; the face below him turned ashy. 
 And at the same moment he stooped and 
 caught her under her arms. 
 
 For a second she hung there at a dizzy 
 height a dead weight in his arms, head fallen 
 back. He thought she had fainted, but the 
 brown eyes opened, she swung her right leg 
 forward and regained the crotch from whence 
 it had slipped. 
 
 " Quick ! Around my neck with both 
 arms ! " he gasped. " I can hold you ! " 
 
 " W-will I endanger you ? " 
 
 "No, no! Hurry.!" 
 
 Her clasp around his neck nearly tore him 
 from the branches, but he hung close, bend- 
 ing slowly backward, farther, farther, until 
 she was drawn little by little out of the abyss 
 and fell forward safe against him among the 
 branches. 
 
 Minute after minute throbbed ; again and 
 again she strove to recover her self-posses- 
 sion, but she only crouched there, trembling, 
 eyes closed. 
 
 " You play fairly/' she managed to gasp. 
 " Are you waiting to give me another 
 chance?" 
 
50 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 " You mean that you are willing to try it 
 again ? " he demanded incredulously. 
 
 She nodded, breathing fast. " One mo- 
 ment to recover my confidence if you don't 
 mind." 
 
 "You plucky little thing!" his lips mo- 
 tioned, but he made no sound, watching the 
 play of golden light and leaf shadow over her 
 closed eyes and creamy skin. Then a slight 
 color came back into the cheeks, her bn\\n 
 eyes opened on his ; she tried to smile. 
 
 " I am ready. I think." she said. 
 
 A slowly growing thrill enveloped him ; he 
 made no answer, but his eyes never left hers. 
 
 44 Are you ready ? " she asked, clearing her 
 forehead of its hair with unsteady haml. Her 
 hand still trembled a little as she grasped the 
 lu-xt brancli above her head. And as though 
 in simple curiosity he laid his hand over it. 
 Her fingers were u \. 
 
 " You are afraid," he said. 
 
 " I know it." 
 
 " But you are still willing to try again ' " 
 
 " Of course." 
 
 His hand over hers began to shake slightly, 
 and she noticed it and raised her eyes. 
 
 "Are you afraid?" 
 
Diana 9 s Chase 51 
 
 " Horribly/' 
 
 " Then I'll wait for you," she said simply, 
 leaning forward to steady her body against 
 the main trunk. 
 
 " You'll have to wait a long time," he said. 
 
 " I don't mind." 
 
 " Longer than you know." 
 
 " You waited for me. I don't mind." 
 
 " But but it is you I am afraid for, not 
 myself." 
 
 She looked up with the pure, direct gaze of 
 a child. For a minute they faced each other 
 in silence. 
 
 " May I tell you something? " he asked. 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 " Then there's a man a friend of mine 
 No, I can't explain it that way. Let me be- 
 gin in another way. Did have you noticed 
 any particular change in yourself any radi- 
 cal change in your temperament and char- 
 acter a recently? I mean within the last 
 three months? For instance, were you, three 
 months ago, particularly devoted to prowling 
 about the Bronx and listening to dickey birds 
 and chasing butterflies? " 
 
 She shook her pretty head. " I am greatly 
 changed," she said. " Three months ago 
 5 
 
52 Some I.uiiics in ffusfc 
 
 nothing on earth could have induced me to 
 run wild like this shatter every canon of 
 convention and common sense and go roam- 
 ing about, KM'-*) -mad. Were yon always so 
 devoted to natural histo; 
 
 I? No!" he said, almost violently. I 
 was not\ I'm normally a plain business man. 
 I make pulp paper! Three months ago I 
 began this sort of performance 
 
 "Three month 
 
 " Exactly like yourself. I didn't want to 
 do it 1 \ample I detest snakes and 
 
 caterpillars, but I've a box full of 'em down 
 there." 
 
 She shuddered. 
 
 44 And here I am," he said, " up a tree 
 like an accursed monkey, disputing over a 
 butterfly \\ith a girl I I never saw 
 
 44 Did didnt you see me in the begin- 
 ning 
 
 " Yes. I did. and I couldn't keep my eyes 
 off you. And that is the truth! " 
 
 " Oh," she said faintly. 
 
 44 Yes, the truth! " he continued excitedly ; 
 " and the truth is that, somehow, within three 
 months I've the most dreadful and shameless 
 inclination to tell the absolute truth to any- 
 
Diana's Chase 53 
 
 body who asks me. It's it's damaging my 
 business somewhat ; it's raising the mischief 
 with me socially. I'm a changed, trans- 
 formed, translated man ; I'm not myself. The 
 chances are that I'll never, never again be 
 myself after what Manners has done to 
 me " 
 
 " Manners! " 
 
 " Oh, he's evidently been meddling with 
 you, too, said Kelvin. " You are probably 
 one of the agreeable girls he noticed from 
 his club window. Tell me were you the usu- 
 al frivolous, capricious, fashionable, empty- 
 headed opportunist, brought up in terror of 
 convention and good taste ? Were you ? " 
 
 "Y-yes," she faltered. " I I hadn't an 
 idea outside of the drilled routine I was bred 
 to. They think I am crazy at home." 
 
 " Then it's Manners ! " he exclaimed. 
 
 " Manners ? " she faltered. " I don't think 
 I understand." 
 
 " Manners is a man William T. Man- 
 ners! a mischief-making, meddlesome friend 
 of mine! He's given you absent treat- 
 ment 
 
 " For what ? " she demanded angrily. 
 
 " Frivolity mental vacancy general use- 
 
54 Some I. u dies in Haste 
 
 lessness, I suppose ! He gave it to me he's 
 filled me full of thoughts ! He's fired me with 
 a craze for truth and Nature." 
 
 " I I am afflicted that way, too," she mur- 
 mured. " I am most unwilling to say so, but 
 the truth is that w-when I first saw you, you 
 attracted me v-very m-m-much." 
 
 ' You plucky little thing to say so!" he 
 cried warmly. 
 
 " No ; it isn't pluck. I can't help it. Do 
 you think 1 want to admit such a thing to 
 a man whose name I don't even know ? " she 
 demanded. "It isn't pluck: for instance. 
 / didn't want to chase that butterfly and 
 climb this tree! Can't you understand? 
 Please, please understand that I know how 
 horrid and common and unconventional I 
 appear 
 
 " 1 absolutely deny it. You know I couldn't 
 help saying so if you did appear that way. 
 lint YMU don't : you are charming and bewil- 
 deringly attractive ' 
 
 "Oh, please I don't wish you to say" 
 
 she stopped " I mean that the truth 
 
 is the dreadful, unescapable truth is that 
 
 I do wish to listen to you even up this 
 
 tree." 
 
Diana's Chase 55 
 
 Her rising color and her emotion were re- 
 flected in his face and voice. 
 
 " You are the the most splendid girl I 
 ever saw," he said unsteadily. 
 
 " You you oh, must I tell you how 
 frightened and happy you make me ! " she 
 asked in crimson distress. " I have I was 
 engaged to marry a man but he isn't like 
 you oh, not at all like you. I think if you 
 if I thought you might really ever care for 
 me that way that I'd break the engage- 
 ment." 
 
 Her hand under his trembled; he impris- 
 oned the slim fingers. 
 
 " I do care for you," he said unsteadily ; " I 
 I am quite mad about you. Can't you see 
 it can't you feel it ? " 
 
 " Y-yes. C-can you see how how per- 
 fectly crazy I am about you? I am so so 
 dazed that I think we had better climb down 
 out of this tree." 
 
 " Not until I give you yield to you the 
 dearest and most precious object that I ever 
 hope to possess ! " he cried. 
 
 And, before she understood what he con- 
 templated, he was madly scrambling upward 
 among the branches. 
 
56 Sonic Ladies in Ilustc 
 
 And now, fearlessly swinging among the 
 topmost branches, she saw him extend his 
 net, lean far over the tangled maze of gum, 
 and beat the foliage. 
 
 Instantly there came a bluish flash of win--. 
 a swish of tin- net. a Hutu-ring struggle within 
 the gauze prison, a faint taint of chloroform 
 in the summer air. 
 
 And a minute later he came climbing down, 
 radiant, triumphant, and laid in IKT trembling 
 palm the conquered Diana, lovely in pearl and 
 cloudy blue. 
 
 For m*\* she Mfced 
 
 For you. I wish I had a thousand to 
 give you." 
 
 " I I can't I simply cannot take it. " 
 
 " Do yon wish to make me miserable? " 
 
 The brown eyes were raised to his clear, 
 steadfast, pure eyes that did not fait 
 
 " I would rather make you happy than any- 
 body in all the world," she said slowly. 
 
 His senses were swimming as he laid the 
 butterfly away in a box, put the box into his 
 pocket, and turned to her. 
 
 " I am ready to have you help me down, 
 she said. 
 
 And, heart racing madly, he managed to 
 
Dianas Chase 57 
 
 aid her in the descent, down, slowly, from 
 branch to branch, guiding her with arm and 
 hand within his hand. 
 
 And at last they reached the last crotch, 
 and he bent down and swung her free above 
 the moss. 
 
 "Shall I let you go?" he asked, looking 
 down into her face. 
 
 " Yes ; it is not far. I can easily drop this 
 distance/' 
 
 " But I don't want to let go of you." 
 
 "Why?" She looked up, then the color 
 flooded her face. For a moment they were 
 silent, she swinging from his arms above the 
 moss, he bent above her. 
 
 " Brown eyes, brown eyes," he whispered ; 
 "shall I let you go?" 
 
 " Gray eyes," she murmured ; " gray eyes ! 
 Shall Iletjpttgo?" 
 
 " I love you," he pleaded under his 
 breath. 
 
 Hanging there she raised her hands and 
 rested them on his arms that held her sus- 
 pended an instant, looking up at him. Then, 
 her soul in her eyes, she threw her head back ; 
 and their lips clung. 
 
58 Sotnc Ladies in I lust c 
 
 " One thing," she sighed, as they moved 
 slowly together through the primrose dusk, 
 " and I must do it at once." 
 
 " What ? " he murmured rapturously. 
 
 "Write to that very unfortunate n-</T(/n/ 
 fiance of mine and explain." 
 
 Kelvin forced a sigh for the sake of de- 
 cenc 
 
 " Poor devil!" lie said. "I'm not really 
 sorry for him, of course. \V!i U ! 
 
 Hi- name is William Manners." ^\\ { - said 
 softly. "And if he didn't know any better 
 than to mistake the girl he was engaged to 
 for somebody he'd never seen, that is not my 
 fault; is it, beloved?" 
 
CHAPTER III 
 
 AN OVERDOSE 
 
 IEN, at length, William Man- 
 ners realized that he was ac- 
 tually able, through the sheer 
 I force of mental persuasion, to 
 control and influence anybody 
 and everybody, whether or not he knew them 
 personally, whether or not they were aware 
 of what he was up to; and when he under- 
 stood that his idle experiments in mental sci- 
 ence had really resulted in changing not only 
 the character, but even the physical appear- 
 ance, of those on whom he had ventured to 
 59 
 
60 Some /.(/(//V.v /;/ Ilnstc 
 
 operate, his amazement, remorse, and alarm 
 knew no bounds. 
 
 He had chosen five very imperfect men of 
 his acquaintance on whom to attempt these 
 practices, and he had also selected, as mar- 
 na-ral)lc possibilities for lii> friends, five 
 women with whom he was not acquainted 
 the first five ornamental young girls he 
 chanced to observe on Fifth Avenue, passing 
 the club window where he sat all uttrr 
 strangers to him, as he believed. For, his 
 monocle being in his eye. he had imt recog- 
 ni/ed ill one of tlu-M- ladies his own //(/;/, 
 
 Of the five men on whom he had e: 
 his uncanny will power all were now exhibit- 
 ing symptoms logically consequent upon the 
 mental treatment he had given them ; Kelvin 
 had left him that morning, hopping mad and 
 also Nature mad ; and for weeks now he had 
 had Dudley Todd on his hands not tin- 
 old, familiar, impossible Todd, not the tol- 
 erated but despised Todd. the club affliction 
 and general nincompoop in ordinary but a 
 brand-new Todd, a popular Todd. a radically 
 translated Todd. 
 
 And all might have been well had Todd 
 merely developed along the lines of the 
 
An Overdose 61 
 
 wholesome mental treatment which Manners 
 had honestly meant to give him ; but Manners 
 was far from judicious in his treatment. He 
 considered Todd such a desperate case that 
 his mental treatment was a sort of urgency 
 treatment as strenuous as first aid to the 
 mortally injured, and far more vigorous than 
 he realized at the time. And now, when too 
 late, utterly unable to reverse treatment or 
 modify what he had done, he perceived with 
 horror that he had given Todd an overdose. 
 
 And Todd was fast becoming the limit in 
 Manhattan town. 
 
 In an agony of contrition Manners had 
 gone to Todd and confessed what he had 
 done to him, supposing that Todd would take 
 a grip on himself and stop, even if he inci- 
 dentally destroyed Manners as an act of ab- 
 stract justice. 
 
 But Todd, when he recovered from his 
 astonishment, seemed rather pleased than an- 
 noyed, and admitted frankly that the absent 
 treatment given him by Manners had agreed 
 with him. 
 
 In vain Manners expostulated. Todd ob- 
 stinately insisted that it agreed with him and 
 made him very, very happy ; that he felt him- 
 
62 Some Ladies in Hustc 
 
 self endowed with the energy, imagination, 
 and capacity for romantic affection of a dozen 
 men all rolled into one. 
 
 But Todd's conduct had now become such 
 that Manners, feeling personally responsible 
 for the young fellow's amazing behavior, felt 
 obliged to follow him about day and ni^lit 
 
 And the antics of Todd, and his sleepless, 
 untiring assiduity in the headlong hunt for 
 happiness, were wearing Manners to a shad- 
 ow in the effort to do police duty. 
 
 Then another blow fell. Eric Kelvin re- 
 turned from the Bronx and informal Mm 
 ners that he was now engaged to m 
 Manure . anl Manners rushed madly 
 
 uptown to expostulate \\ith the object of In- 
 adoration. 
 
 But that charming and changed young 
 devotee to Nature mrnly admitted that -h<- 
 no longer cared for him. but loved Kelvin 
 with all her heart ; and Manners rushed home 
 again, a prey to sentimental agitation. 
 
 The Lenox Club was his home. He locked 
 himself in his bedroom, where for twi 
 four hours he maintained a distracted silt 
 interrupted at intervals by processions of 
 waiters bearing ice, vichy, tonic, and kindly 
 
An Overdose 63 
 
 inquiring notes from Kelvin, to which he 
 deigned no reply. 
 
 By and by, Kelvin himself arrived, but 
 Manners refused to open the door. Only his 
 voice, hoarse and injured, satisfied Kelvin 
 that his friend still lived. 
 
 " Don't do anything terrible, will you ? " 
 insisted Kelvin. 
 
 " I may," said Manners ominously, begin- 
 ning to enjoy himself. 
 
 So Kelvin, disconcerted, sat down outside 
 the door. And, by and by, Manners, being 
 low in his mind, sought consolation in a 
 mouth organ. 
 
 " Oh, pip ! " muttered Kelvin, jumping up 
 and rapping on the door. " Come out, Wil- 
 liam ! You are convalescent ! " 
 
 Manners wanted to, but he only blew a sul- 
 len blast on his mouth organ. 
 
 " Are you coming out ? " repeated the 
 other. ' There are five men waiting for us 
 in the card room." 
 
 So Manners came out, scowling, and they 
 shook hands. 
 
 " I never, never thought you'd do such a 
 thing," said Manners, sulkily lighting the ci- 
 gar that Kelvin offered. 
 
f>4 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 "She never did like you very much, any- 
 way," explained Kelvin. "Come on do\\n 
 stairs ; Todd is banking " 
 
 "Todd!" groaned Manners. " I I'm sick 
 of the very name of Todd! " And. in a last 
 spasm of revolt: "If ever I am ass enou-h 
 to fool with mental science ai^ain I deserve 
 to marry a Sixth Avenue manicmv ' 
 would it inconvenience you to come in every 
 morning for a month and disable me with a 
 kid 
 
 "William," said Kelvin Mispiri, iisl\ . M i| 
 Todd one of your victims' I've \\.rn,! 
 what was the matter \\ith him. Is 1 
 
 lint Manners, with a tragic -t -Mure, pushed 
 open the door of the card rM,m. and the two 
 men \\ere jxilitely greeted and invited to 
 in." 
 
 The seance was a gay o i celebrants 
 
 assisting at the ccrcm-nnis; ami the gayest 
 of the gay, the cheeriest, the liveliest, was 
 Todd. bubbling over with the infernal and 
 inexhaustible energy of a d../< n men. 
 
 "Can nothing tire that cn.ttun -" mut- 
 tered Manners to himself, between his teeth. 
 "He's tuning up for another horrible even- 
 ing. He'll be all over the country, and he'll 
 
An Overdose 65 
 
 get into the newspapers if I don't follow 
 him/' 
 
 Todd, unconscious, trolled a merry ditty 
 and drew two more kings. 
 
 " Are you tired, old chap ? " asked Man- 
 ners. " You look like the last run of jelly- 
 fish, dear friend." 
 
 "Who? I? Why, I'm fresh as a daisy," 
 said Todd, betting the limit. 
 
 Manners reviewed his hand with a bitter 
 smile and stayed out. 
 
 " He does look queer, though," he insisted, 
 with a significant nod to Kelvin. " And / 
 don't believe he's perfectly well. Todd," he 
 added anxiously, " do you feel perfectly well, 
 old fellow?" 
 
 " Certainly," said Todd, with a smirk, as 
 he gathered up the chips, and shuttled the 
 cards for the kitty sweepstake ^. " Is every 
 student in ? " glancing around the table. 
 " Come, get nimble, Kelvin ; you're shy a 
 blue one ! " And, nodding similar admonition 
 across at Kelly Jones, he lighted a cigar and 
 dealt cold decks all round. 
 
 Kelvin spread his cards face up on the 
 table, observed with disgust the single sou- 
 brette, and, unable to draw to a kitty clean- 
 
66 Some Ladles In Haste 
 
 up, admitted he was out. Then he leaned 
 over toward Manners. 
 
 " Is Todd one of your victims?" he whis- 
 pered. " You've certainly made a man of 
 him!" 
 
 " The trouble is," said Manners, " I've 
 made about a dozen men of him. Look at 
 him now! He's hatching deviltrx ' Un't he 
 the saucy Clarence? Look at him with his 
 pat hand! When I treated him 1>\ nuntal 
 suggestion I inu*t have given him a tern IK 
 overdose of everything " 
 
 He broke off short as Todd triumphantly 
 spread out his five cards. 
 
 "All pink ! (funds, students, and relatives," 
 be observed. " It's only seven o'clock. Shall 
 we continue- our votive offerings to the astig- 
 matic goddi- 
 
 But sentiment was against him. Several 
 men said they were hungry, and everybody 
 began to make precise little piles of tlu n 
 multicolored chips. Todd, courteous and in- 
 defatigable, immediately became very busy 
 with his pencil and paper, checking off the 
 returns. Manners had no chips to pile up 
 symmetrically, and he rose and walked to the 
 window. Kelvin joined him, and peered out 
 
An Overdose 67 
 
 and upward where the last tints of daylight 
 were fading from the summer sky and the first 
 stars faintly sparkled. 
 
 " Stars out already," observed Manners 
 gloomily. " I'm dog tired. I'd like to spend 
 a quiet evening dine here alone, read the 
 paper, and go to bed. But I can't do it." 
 
 " On account of Todd ? " inquired Kelvin. 
 
 " Yes, on account of that infernal Todd ! 
 He's killing me, that's what he's doing 
 dragging me about all day and all night witli 
 him." 
 
 " And you dare not let him out of your 
 sight?" asked Kelvin sympathetically. 
 
 " I should think not ! That man has a ca- 
 pacity for putting both feet in it beyond all 
 dreams of common sense. You remember 
 what a little nincompoop he was a lazy, 
 idle, dull-minded, unimaginative, common- 
 place peddler of stocks and bonds? 
 
 "Well, I thought he needed mental sug- 
 gestion, and I was ass enough to treat him 
 for everything he lacked! And look at him! 
 Look at him, Kelvin ! Clever, industrious, 
 full of poetic fire, imaginative, romantic, and 
 yet capable enough to make a fortune for 
 himself in Wall Street in three months/ 
 6 
 
68 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 " Look at him, I tell you ! Why, he's pos- 
 itively grown tall and good-looking! and 
 and I wish I hadn't treated him for lack of 
 imagination and idleness ; I do, indeed ! He's 
 full of enterprise and full of a tireless energy 
 that's simply killing me, Kelvin. I'm nearU 
 dead, trying to keep him out of mischief. 
 Why on earth can't he get tired? He works 
 like a millionaire all day, and he's all over 
 everywhere after five o'clock ! I must have 
 been crazy to inject that combination of 
 moonstruck romance and devilish energy into 
 him. Hark! JIM lixu-n to him mm ! " 
 
 The two men turned from the window to- 
 ward the lighted green table, where half a 
 dozen men had gathered around Todd as he 
 closed their accounts. 
 
 And Todd was saying enthusiastically : 
 "Well, we had a corking game, didn't we? 
 There's a lot of pure romance in the old-fash- 
 ioned national game. There's romance ev 
 where and in everything. This rity reeks 
 with romance every street is full of it, day 
 and night, if only you realize it. Isn't it, 
 Manners:* Why. I tell you, fellows, that a 
 mere walk in town is to me one endless ten- 
 sion of excitement and suspense " 
 
An Overdose 69 
 
 Billy West laughed, and asked if Todd 
 really found a walk on Fifth Avenue partic- 
 ularly exciting. 
 
 "Certainly I do!" said Todd; "on Fifth 
 Avenue or on any street or lane or alley or 
 mews in this wonderful metropolis ! " 
 
 Kelly Jones observed that he, personally, 
 never had encountered any inexpensive ro- 
 mance in the neighborhood. 
 
 "Nonsense!" said Todd; "town's full of 
 it! I never put on my hat and coat and 
 take my gloves and my stick but I experi- 
 ence a subtle thrill of most delicious suspense. 
 I say to myself : * I am going out among sev- 
 eral millions of unknown fellow-creatures. I 
 am likely at any moment to meet with almost 
 any kind of an adventure. I may encounter 
 Fate itself around the first corner, or Destiny 
 hiding behind a tree/ Who knows? I don't; 
 you don't ! And that is the best part of it ! ' 
 
 And Todd smiled so winningly upon those 
 about him that they all smiled in return. 
 He had become very popular within a few 
 weeks. 
 
 Said Todd : " When I set foot out of doors 
 my pulses leap; I'm all afire with energy, 
 all aquiver with the possibilities before me. 
 
70 Some Ladles in Haste 
 
 Ever>* street is a vague vista of haunted n 
 tery and promise; every lamp-post exijin 
 ly M^mtirant ; r\ery electric li.i;ht M-ems to 
 wink at me and Uvk.ni me on to perilous 
 adventure ! Chance lies before me : all an mini 
 me Hazard dogs my >tep: and a most 
 hilarating mixture of foreboding, apprehen- 
 sion, tin v. and hope sets me trotting 
 out into the metropolitan \\ilds ' 
 
 "And int. muttered Manners to 
 
 Hill> West 
 
 ** Too had," said inpathetieally 
 
 the in-t expression of anything n->eml)ling 
 >\ni|atli\ Maniu-rs had heanl lor ICVentl 
 days. He likrd \\'e>t ; he \\a> inelined to like 
 \\i-t f": tsons. One \sa> that, far 
 
 away in the back part of his head, he enter- 
 tained an < admiration \*>r one of 
 I'.ilK Urst's listen nt tin- prrtt\ onr. Hi- 
 admiration \\as n,t l>a-rd on a personal 
 knowledge of In ti far as he knew, he 
 had nev her. I'ut liilly talked of her 
 a great deal, and, from her brother's enthusi- 
 astic description. Manners had formed a curi- 
 ous attachment for the girl, which now. in his 
 condition of bereavement, haunted him with 
 shy but tender prr-i-tence. And some day 
 
An Overdose 71 
 
 he felt that he was destined to hear more 
 about Billy West's sister not the pretty one. 
 
 Meanwhile Todd, the unspeakable, was still 
 holding forth. 
 
 Several men asked : " Well, Toddy, do you 
 ever really make good? Do you ever seize 
 romance by the coat tails? Do you actually 
 have any genuine adventures? Does he, 
 Manners? " 
 
 " Plenty/' observed Manners morosely. 
 " Ask any desk sergeant in the five bor- 
 oughs ! " 
 
 " Of course I do," added Todd joyously. 
 " Only Manners, there, has a strange delu- 
 sion that I'm always going to get into some 
 sort of scrape ; but I never do not serious 
 scrapes," he added, linking his arm in Man- 
 ners's arm as the men began to file out " I 
 say, Kelvin, Manners and I are going out in 
 quest of adventures. Will you come ? " 
 
 But Kelvin's evenings were now all taken ; 
 Manners looked at him sideways, and under- 
 stood. 
 
 So Kelvin blushed becomingly and excused 
 himself, and Manners looked after him wist- 
 fully. He had not yet recovered from the 
 shock of Kelvin's engagement announcement, 
 
72 me I. tidies in Hustc 
 
 and sometimes his bereavement made him 
 \\i-tful and sometimes it merely made him 
 mad. 
 
 "Where shall we go to-night?" asked 
 Todd restlessly. " We'll probably have some 
 most diverting adventure wherever we go and 
 \\hatever we do." 
 
 "Why." fumed Manner-. " ran't \u 
 in the club to-night and read the papi r and 
 go to bed?" 
 
 " Go to bed! " echoed Todd. That \ the 
 icment of it. Nobody on earth can tell 
 what bed I'll sleep in next if 1 >leej in 
 any ! " 
 
 Manners pleaded: "Can't you give me a 
 rest for one evening 
 
 What? Miss the possibilities of a whole 
 ing?" 
 
 " But I'm tired " 
 
 " You don't have to go," said Todd. 
 Yes, I do! I feel responsible for you. " 
 Why? Just becatiM \mi gave me al> 
 treatment for which I'm eternally obliged?" 
 
 " 1 Can't yon understand that I over- 
 did it?" 
 
 " Not for my taste," said Todd serenely. 
 " Come on ; get the valet to pack your grip, 
 
An Overdose 73 
 
 and we'll go down to Oyster Bay, where all 
 those jolly girls are 
 
 " Not into good society with you ! " 
 snapped Manners. " I've had enough of that 
 for a while." 
 
 "Why?" 
 
 " Because, when you go into decent soci- 
 ety, you begin paying serious attentions to 
 every pretty girl you meet. What do you 
 think you are a syndicate? Do you mean 
 to be bigamous? Don't you know you over- 
 do it? And I have to go around afterwards 
 and explain that you are queer 
 
 " Well, you've got to stop that ! " cried 
 Todd hotly. 
 
 "Stop it? Why, man, if I don't appear 
 regularly and faithfully in the wake of the 
 ruin you have wrought, do you know where 
 you'd be?" 
 
 " I'd be engaged if you once let me carry 
 matters to a finish 
 
 " Yes, engaged every evening from eight 
 to half past eleven. You don't realize how 
 you compromise yourself whenever you talk 
 to a pretty girl. You make every one of 'em 
 think you're in love with them " 
 
 "I am!" 
 
74 Some I.mlics in Haste 
 
 Manners glared, then fumbled for his eye- 
 glass. 
 
 " Todd ! " he said with deep emotion. it's 
 my fault. I overdosed you. You can't help 
 it. You think you're a multiple pcr>onalit\ . 
 You don't comprehend how plural \>u In- 
 have; you don't reali/e how you overdo it, 
 how collectively you make love, what an ass 
 you reall) are! You don't understand that 
 you are now praotieally on the verge of l>< 
 engaged to marry eleven separate girls ' 
 
 "Yes, I do! And I \\aut to!" 
 
 ' M.-IMA 'Mil all?" 
 
 "No; be engaged to them. Why don't 
 you let me? Why do \oti go round 
 I've made a batch of seri.ms proposals and 
 tell them that 1 don't mean it that tli 
 something hideous the matter \\ith me? If 
 >ouM mind \our o\\u business and let me 
 select one of them, I'd be at rest, an- 
 would you." 
 
 " Idiot ! " retorted Manners ; " that isn't the 
 way to get married ! You can't go about 
 obtaining options that \\ay. < ireat Heaven-. 
 Todd, what have I done to you? What an 
 awful overdose I've given you! 1 
 this sickening penance a lii ly spent 
 
An Overdose 75 
 
 in following you around to keep you out of 
 the penitentiary- 
 He almost broke down. Todd laid a com- 
 forting hand on his shoulder. 
 
 " Well, we won't go to Oyster Bay, then," 
 he said. " Don't worry, Manners. We'll 
 take things easy to-night if you're tired. 
 We'll just take a little stroll together." 
 
 " Every time I stroll with you," said 
 Manners, " something unexpected happens. 
 You're right, Todd ; you do have adventures. 
 Nobody else does in New York, but you do ; 
 they come flocking after you the moment you 
 set foot out of doors. And I get the butt-end 
 of 'em, usually." 
 
 " Isn't it fortunate," said Todd rapturously, 
 "that I, who, by your method of treatment, 
 am so thoroughly equipped for adventures, 
 have 'em in such agreeable profusion? I 
 know perfectly well that after dinner this 
 evening when you and I stroll out no matter 
 where I go or which way I turn somewhere 
 in the mysterious medley of light and shadow 
 I am certain to encounter something or some- 
 body most extraordinary." 
 Manners groaned. 
 " Perhaps," murmured Todd, gazing heav- 
 
76 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 onward with rapt eyes " Perhaps I may 
 4 even tin- \n\ night catch a glimpse of her 
 whom I am destined to make happy some im- 
 mortal day ! " 
 
 44 Oh, piffle!" said Manm 
 
 You don't understand/' sighed Todd 
 dreamily. " The celestially perfect and still 
 invisible. She may be encountered any- 
 where! But I shall know her when I see 
 her- 
 
 That," said Manners, * i- why \u require 
 a police escort. Are you dining with me? 
 Very well. then. I'm going to dn 
 
 "So am I." murmured Todd. " I I feel 
 curiously and prophetically and strangely like 
 a a bridegroom this evening 
 
 usually feel like several," snapped 
 Manners. 
 
CHAPTER IV 
 
 A REMEDY 
 
 [BOUT eleven o'clock that even- 
 ing Manners seized Todd by 
 the elbow and shook him 
 fiercely. 
 
 " Are you ever going to stop 
 walking? " he demanded. 
 
 " Why, it's only eleven o'clock," protested 
 Todd. " I don't believe we've walked fifteen 
 miles yet." 
 
 " We've covered fifty ! Look at me ! " in- 
 sisted Manners, mopping the rivulets of per- 
 spiration from his face and attempting to 
 77 
 
78 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 adjust his wilted collar. " Everything I've 
 got on is sticking to me like plaster; my 
 shoes hurt; I'm thii He choked, ex- 
 
 asperated. 
 
 I, personally," observed Todd. " feel 
 agreeably cool and fresh and comfortable, so 
 I think Til stroll on a bit farther. But/' he 
 added, " you need not feel obliged to accom- 
 pany n 
 
 Manners glared at him. then around at the 
 dimly illuminated and unfamiliar surround- 
 ings. 
 
 Where are we?" he growled. "We 
 might as well be in a foreign city. What 
 street is tin peering up at a lamp-post. 
 " Eighty-sixth Str ' East I Who on earth 
 ever heard of East Eight \-i\th Street? 
 What's that cross -trm ? East Side Avenue! 
 Never heard of it ! I don't want to hear of 
 it! I am What's that over there?" 
 
 " A park," said Todd, in pleased surpi 
 " What a charmingly strange little park ! And 
 what's that beyond? the East River? Isn't 
 it fascinating. William? And look at those 
 quaint old-time houses! What a funny littK 
 cul-de-sac of a court they form! Why, Wil- 
 liam, this is perfectly delightful to emerge 
 
A Remedy 79 
 
 from the reek of things into this unknown 
 oasis on the river's midnight edge the 
 night's Plutonian shore, so to speak/' 
 
 " Come home ! " said Manners coldly. 
 
 " Home ? And leave this place without 
 having had a single extraordinary adven- 
 ture ! " He gazed rather blankly at Man- 
 ners. " Do you know, William, that this is 
 the first time in months I have failed to en- 
 counter some sort of an adventure before I 
 turned my nose homeward? And this is just 
 the place for almost anything to jump out at 
 you." 
 
 Manners said he objected to being jumped 
 out at. 
 
 " And it's curious, too," mused Todd, look- 
 ing hopefully about, " because when I started 
 I had the most intense sort of a premonition 
 that something most unusual was going to 
 happen to me. Why do you suppose nothing 
 has stung me ? " 
 
 Manners, too vexed to reply, fanned his 
 heated features with his hat. 
 
 " In fact," continued Todd, unheeding him, 
 " I felt like a bridegroom like a whole pro- 
 cession of bridegrooms when I started out. 
 Let's go over into that curious little park and 
 
8o Some L (idles in Haste 
 
 sit on a bench. Perhaps something will break 
 loose within ten minutes." 
 
 Manners said that he had no objection to 
 resting for a moment, and they entered the 
 park, mounted some stone steps to the left, 
 and ascended the dim, winding path under the 
 trees. 
 
 As they came out on a sort of terrace the 
 fresh river breeze stnuk them, and they 
 looked out into a world of darkness. East 
 and south myriads of lights twinkled ; the vast 
 bulk of the newest bridge towered against the 
 stars; and, both to the north and south, tin 
 lights of huge municipal institutions glim- 
 mered, cities in themselves, so wide was tlu 
 territory they covered on the shadowy is- 
 lands. 
 
 North lay the masses of Harlem, light i-l 
 against the horizon, far as the eye could see. 
 \\<M. avi-tiue on avenue cross-striped by 
 countless streets, lay the metropolitan wastes. 
 
 Along the river wall below, the poor of 
 Yorkville sat huddled, seeking a breath of air 
 ere they crept inland to their kennels vague 
 masses of humanity, darkening the mas- 
 as heaps of seaweed edge the tide mark. 
 
 For a while the two men sat listening to 
 
A Remedy 81 
 
 the foggy-throated river horns, watching the 
 ferryboats pass like floating cages of fire, or 
 some big schooner, all sails set, yet scarcely 
 drawing, swinging swiftly southward on the 
 ebb. 
 
 Suddenly Todd rose from his seat and, 
 turning his back to the river, looked eagerly 
 inland. 
 
 " What's the matter? " asked Manners mo- 
 rosely. " Can't you remain motionless for 
 half a second? Are you a combination of 
 grasshopper and centipede, or are you a 
 man?" 
 
 Todd fairly danced with eagerness and im- 
 patience. 
 
 " No, by St. Vitus, you can't sit still, 1 ' said 
 Manners. " What makes you do that two- 
 step? What are you staring at, Todd? I 
 won't stay here if anything's going to hap- 
 pen ! " 
 
 " I am only excited by an idea," explained 
 Todd. " That curious row of old red-brick 
 houses seems to be such a good stage setting 
 for an adventure. Look, William, in all that 
 strange, quaint, wabbly row of bricks there 
 is only one window lighted. Isn't that mys- 
 terious ? " 
 
82 Sonic l.uJics in Haste 
 
 " Wonderful," said Manners scornfully. 
 "It reminds me of a plot of Paul de Kock 
 not I " 
 
 " Well, that single lighted window ma\ n t 
 seem so very my>teriou> t> \.u or to a 
 body else, but / consider it strangely, om- 
 inously significant, William. I believe there's 
 an adventure about to happen to me ! In- 
 added so earnestly and with such naive con- 
 \irtitm that Mamu-rs turned sharply around. 
 
 "Wh\?" he demanded uneasily. 
 
 " r.ecau>e that romantic feeling begins to 
 permeate me. 1 feel bright and confident and 
 gay, and I am inclined to song." 
 
 " Well. I'm not. Come on; it's tin- home 
 ward trek for < And ho arose and 
 
 grasped Todd firmly by the ell>"u, urging 
 him toward the Mn < t 
 
 "l'un>us." inurmurod Todd " Curious 
 that nothing happens. I can't undiTMand it. 
 \\ illiam. This is not my usual luck " 
 
 And he continued expostulating alternately 
 with Fate and with Manners as the latter 
 dragged him most unwillingly from the park 
 and into the dim street where the quaint old 
 row of red-brick houses stood ranged in 
 the darkness, all their owlish-eyed windows 
 
A 'Remedy 83 
 
 closed and sealed save one. But from that 
 single window a light streamed out across the 
 street. 
 
 Todd halted before the house. Manners 
 attempted to drag him onward, but he re- 
 sisted. 
 
 "All right!" snapped Manners; "then 
 stay here ! " And he dropped Todd's arm 
 and walked haughtily toward the corner, but 
 without the slightest intention of really aban- 
 doning his friend. 
 
 When he got as far as the corner, without 
 hearing any sound of repentant feet behind 
 him, he swung around, mad all through, and 
 shouted : " Todd ! ' 
 
 Echo answered : " Todd ! " 
 
 There was not a soul in the street. Todd 
 had evaporated. 
 
 First of all Manners, in an alarming tem- 
 per, strode back to the house in front of 
 which he had left Todd standing. He went 
 into the area, but there was nobody there; 
 he ascended the front steps and tried the 
 door. It was locked. 
 
 Followed then the obvious theory that 
 Todd had run away from him. Where do 
 men run when they run guiltily away? Logic 
 7 
 
84 Sonic Ladies in Haste 
 
 answered that they run around blocks; so 
 Manners ran around the block in the oppo- 
 site direction, then into the park. Then, wor- 
 ried, panting and furious, he sat down on a 
 bench and fanned his streaming features \\ith 
 his hat. 
 
 And all the while Todd was not a dozen 
 || auay from him. standing inside the 
 door of the red-brick IIOUM- \\itli the single 
 lighted window. 
 
 For Todd, when he had lingered to gaze at 
 the house, noticed that the front door stood just 
 ajar; and instantly he accepted the accident as 
 a belated promise of adventure long overdue. 
 
 So no SOOIKT did Manner* walk off in a 
 huff on pretense of abandoning him than 
 he sci/cd the opportunity and darted up the 
 steps burning with optimism and curiosity. 
 
 ^omebody left the front door ajar; rob 
 bers may have slipped in," he argued with 
 himself, taking a firmer grip on In- slim 
 malacca walking stick as he pushed open the 
 door and peeped hopefully into the dark hall- 
 way. 
 
 Then his name shouted angrily afar by 
 Manners startled him, and, stepping inside 
 the hallway, he softly closed the door. At 
 
A Remedy 85 
 
 the same instant, from somewhere above, he 
 heard a woman's voice raised in tremulous 
 pleading a sweet, thrilling voice, pitifully 
 unsteady, yet every word exquisitely distinct ; 
 and Todd, frozen to attention, listened, his 
 heart in his mouth. 
 
 " O Harry ! Harry ! Don't drive me into 
 tin- street!" were the first sad words he 
 heard. " You swore to right the wrong you 
 did me! How how can you abandon me, 
 Harry ? How c-can you fling me aside to die 
 under the world's cold scorn ? " 
 
 Todd, in the darkness, turned a fiery red 
 and set his teeth in his lower lip. 
 
 " W-what am I to do ? " pleaded the beau- 
 tiful voice. " Where can I turn ? where can 
 I creep to bury my shame? D-don't cast 
 me away don't laugh at me so cruelly 
 Harry! Harry! Don't strike me! Help! 
 Murder- 
 
 Todd's hair rose straight on end ; then with 
 a shout he galloped up the stairs, swung 
 around the banisters, flew up the second 
 flight, and halted, speechless, confronted by a 
 tall young girl who stood on the landing, the 
 light from an open door behind throwing her 
 young figure into motionless silhouette. 
 
86 So)nc I .adlcs in Haste 
 
 " W-what are you doing here?" she fal- 
 ten 
 
 D-doing?" he repeated breathlessly. 
 " There's somebody being murdered in this 
 house 1 " 
 
 " What 
 
 "Didn't you hear?" ho demanded, stag- 
 gered by her frank astonishment. " I tell 
 you that some scoundrel named Harry is 
 :trmn- :i \\m;m \\ith violence " 
 
 "11 II -he stammered. Staring at 
 
 him incredulously. u What do you mean? 
 1 am the only person in this house." 
 
 Then she took t\\o unstra<l\ steps back 
 into her gas-lit room ; he saw her face turn- 
 ing from a startled pallor to a vilet rosy 
 tint; she caught at the mantel f >r suj)j)ort, 
 > \\a\el. t.M.k oiu- last look at Todd, and, 
 \\ itli a gesture of abandon, covered her pretty 
 face with both hands. lie thought she was 
 weeping. 
 
 And for a long while Todd looked at her, 
 bewildered, because her voice was certainly 
 the voice he had heard in heartbreaking ap- 
 peal to Heaven. 
 
 Was she attempting to shield that un- 
 speakable Harry? 
 
A Remedy 87 
 
 Todd inserted his head in the doorway, 
 glared about the gas-lit room, stepped in, and 
 craned his neck to see whether the ruffian 
 might be cowering in the alcove. 
 
 But he saw only a desk there, and piles of 
 typewritten manuscript covering it. And on 
 the blue covers of the manuscript he noticed 
 the words : " Act First." 
 
 The faintest glimmering of the actual sit- 
 uation dawned on him. He still clutched his 
 stick fiercely ; the light of battle still lingered 
 in his eyes ; but his stride had become a walk, 
 he sidled toward the door, glanced uncertain- 
 ly about, hesitated; then gradually a partial 
 solution of the matter overwhelmed him, leav- 
 ing him hot with embarrassment. 
 
 She dropped her hands into her lap and 
 looked at him, and he looked foolishly at her ; 
 then again her hands flew to her face, cov- 
 ering it, and she bent forward, resting her 
 elbows on her knees. But Todd understood 
 that the tears that turned her blue eyes 
 starry were not tears of grief. 
 
 Todd stood very still. His ears seemed to 
 him to have grown unusually red and hot 
 and big. 
 
 Once again she uncovered her face to look 
 
88 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 at him ; once again she wildly veiled it be- 
 hind ten pretty fingers. And at last Todd 
 produced upon his features a spasm intended 
 for a smile. 
 
 It was not a very genuine attempt, hut it 
 seemed to be sufficient to rcint\vt her. That 
 made Todd smile again, and the result 
 less forced this time. 
 
 " So it was only part of act first, all that 
 line of talk about Harry? " 1 hravely. 
 
 " O-oh, yes only p-p-part of act f-fit 
 she managed to reply. " I'm awfully sm 
 
 He looked at her, scar convinced: 
 " Then there isn't any ; There IMI'I 
 anybody going to be abandoned 
 
 " N no; nobody is going to abandon any- 
 bod 
 
 " Exactly. Ah it ah sounded distress- 
 ingly real." 
 
 "Did it? I'm awfully sorr 
 
 I never heard such p-pathos in a human 
 voice," insisted Todd. " I \\Mi to Heaven 
 that there had been a Harry somewhere 
 about." 
 
 She dropped her hands and gazed at him 
 from the loveliest and brightest blue eyes he 
 had ever encountered. 
 
A Remedy 89 
 
 " How," she asked curiously, " did you get 
 into my house ? " 
 
 " Who ? Me ? " he faltered, neglecting 
 grammar to gain time. 
 
 " Certainly, you. How do you come to be 
 here in this house? And why?" 
 
 " The front door was ajar ; that's how. I 
 thought thieves might have taken occasion to 
 sneak in ; that's why.' 9 
 
 " O bother," she said ; " I never can get 
 used to locking up my own house. I don't 
 seem to be able to remember all those details 
 having been accustomed to servants. Was 
 it actually open ? " 
 
 " It was." 
 
 " And so you thought you'd see whether 
 any robbers had crept in to murder me? 
 And you came fearlessly to investigate ? " 
 
 " Yes," said Todd, modestly admitting his 
 valor ; " and I should like to have had a 
 chance at that fellow Harry." 
 
 " I see," she said thoughtfully. " That was 
 very civil of you to come upstairs when you 
 heard Mary Meeker pleading with Henry St. 
 Aubyn for her life." 
 
 " Oh, that was nothing," said Todd, turn- 
 ing red. 
 
90 Some I.inlics in Haste 
 
 They looked at one another. -tru-.-lm- 
 against the inevitable ; then they both broke 
 into laughter uncontrollable. 
 
 "Did I \\.is it really so convincingly 
 done ? " she tried to 
 
 " IVrlVetK ! 1 \\ante-l to k-kill that man. 
 I I want to harm him 
 
 "Oh, I am so glad! It is the most splen- 
 did test! Do you think somebody will 
 the play and produce it? And <!<> \m think 
 it \\ill be a ra And <lo yon think that 
 
 some great emotional actress would create tin- 
 part? /> 
 
 " Yon could create the part," he said almost 
 resentfully. 
 
 " I ? Why. I am not an actress. I am 
 only " 
 
 Shr stopp,-,!. i.iixm- l, rr < \es to him \ 
 gravel\. " I think. 
 
 "that you iiad brtter tell me who you are. 
 Not that I am the slightest bit afraid or 
 suspicious; I am not afraid of anything, and 
 have not been for three months. So, if you 
 please, who are v 
 
 1 Tin only Dudley Todd," he admittr.l. 
 
 " Dudley Todd? ( Hi; my brother knows 
 you at the Lenox Club. I am Kvelyn West/' 
 
A Remedy 91 
 
 '* B-B-Billy West's s-s-sister ! " he stam- 
 mered. 
 
 " Yes ; not the pretty one ; the eccentric 
 one who has taken up Settlement work and 
 * isms/ and is good to the poor and has 
 missions, and who has just bought this 
 quaint old house here overlooking East River 
 Park- 
 
 "You! Billy West's " 
 
 " Yes ; not the pretty one. And I live here 
 quite alone, and don't have servants because 
 I believe in equality, but can't stand having 
 my cook on my visiting list. So here I am, 
 and I'm third vice president of a working 
 girls' club, and I do neighborhood work, and 
 I am going to graduate from the Sloan Ma- 
 ternity some day, and, when nobody requires 
 me as a trained nurse or spiritual adviser, I 
 I " she flushed prettily " I hope to write 
 plays to educate the people like this first 
 play you heard me reading to myself. I hope 
 to reach and arouse the public through the 
 medium of the drama." 
 
 " Exactly," he said, fascinated. 
 
 " I am a Socialist," she said firmly ; " I've 
 been one for three months. It occurred so 
 oddly. I was walking along Fifth Avenue 
 
92 me Ladies in Haste 
 
 opposite the Lenox Club, and as I walked 
 I happened to glance up at the club window 
 oh, I am very careful about doing such a 
 thing, but my brother is sometimes there, and 
 I rather like to see him with the head of his 
 walking stick under his chin ; he's so chubby 
 and cunning " 
 
 She smiled confidently at Todd ; and Todd 
 grew giddy. 
 
 " So I glanced up as I passed," she con- 
 tinued ; " but I didn't see my brother, only a 
 rather horrid man with a monocle in one eye, 
 staring at me " 
 
 "Manners!" breathed Todd, electrified. 
 * Very, very had manners," she said un- 
 consa<usl\. So I looked straight ahead 
 and walked right on. ... But but I be- 
 gan to have the queerest sensations a few 
 moments later! I " she hesitated, looking 
 at Todd " I was a very, very different sort 
 of girl three months ago, Mr. Todd. I was 
 like other women thoughtless, light-hearted, 
 unimaginative, mediocre, devoted to fri- 
 volity and. suddenly, as I walked on. I 
 began to feel myself changing, my whole 
 character changing, and awaking into a 
 strangely new and delightsome personality ! 
 
A Remedy 93 
 
 ... I wonder if you believe what I am 
 saying? " 
 
 " Yes, yes," muttered Todd ; " I believe it ; 
 I know it. Please go on." 
 
 " Thank you. Somehow I knew you would 
 believe me. Somehow, the moment I saw 
 you I knew I was not afraid of you even 
 though you shouted so abruptly and came 
 clattering so fiercely upstairs. I it's a curi- 
 ous thing an almost incredible thing to ad- 
 mit but do you know, Mr. Todd, that some- 
 how your coming didn't astonish me very 
 much?" 
 
 " D-didn't it ? " stammered Todd raptur- 
 ously. 
 
 " No. Not that I was expecting you 
 not that I ever even thought of you 
 even knew you by sight. Yet it seemed quite 
 in order to see you come charging in here 
 to my rescue. And when you told me your 
 name I had an odd feeling that matters were 
 happening as they ought to happen as 
 they were bound to happen. ... I wonder 
 whether you understand me ? " 
 
 " Perfectly," he murmured, under the spell 
 of her sweet sincerity. 
 
 " Very well, then ; I will just say this : that 
 
94 Some I. tidies in Haste 
 
 three months ago I was another woman, and 
 to-day I am my real self fresh from the 
 chrysalis of the past, awakened from twenty 
 years of emotionless immaturity to emerge 
 into the world and bear my part of its sor- 
 rows and its burdens, and to do my part 
 toward its betterment. And that is all, . . . 
 about myself. ... Mr. Todd." 
 I'K.iM. please, go on." 
 
 "Why. what more is there to say?" she 
 asked laughing i know all about me 
 
 now. You know I am absolutely uncom< n 
 tional, unafraid, and and audacious enough 
 to offer you a chair at midnight alone \\itli 
 me in this h<> 
 
 And she rose and indicated a chair on her 
 left with a gesture of delicate auda 
 
 The mixture of Socialism and unconven- 
 tionality combined with the charm and fear- 
 less poise of a young girl, bred in the world, 
 produced an ensemble so sweet, so piquant. 
 so adorable, that Todd sat bolt upright on his 
 chair beside her, u rapped in a blissfully im- 
 becile daze. 
 
 " I don't care what an artificial and self- 
 conscious society mi^ht think of this, do you, 
 Mr. Todd?" she asked. 
 
A Remedy 95 
 
 "Not a bit," said Todd. Her eyes were 
 very friendly ; her glance wandered over him 
 with a confident but thoughtful curiosity. 
 
 " I am very glad you came," she said. 
 " Will you come again ? " 
 
 " Yes ! ! ! ! " exclaimed Todd so fervently, 
 that she flushed. 
 
 " I wonder whether you'd be interested in 
 Settlement work in my work here among the 
 poor?" she ventured. 
 
 " I am," said Todd warmly. " I've a lot 
 of I well, an uncle of mine left me some 
 money. Do you want it ? " 
 
 " Want it ! " she repeated blankly. 
 
 "For the poor!" 
 
 " I why, Mr. Todd I couldn't it is very 
 generous 
 
 " But I want to spend it on all these Dagos 
 and gutter snipes ! " he said earnestly. " I 
 want to convert the yeggmen and be good to 
 them with pamphlets and soup. Til give 'em 
 anything you say new hats, gum drops, hos- 
 pitals, anything you'd like 'em to enjoy." 
 
 His generous emotion set a faint pink fire 
 in her cheeks. 
 
 " But it wouldn't do to give indiscriminate- 
 ly," she said, leaning a trifle nearer toward 
 
96 Some I. miles in Haste 
 
 him. " Besides, I don't quite see how I am 
 going to accept your financial aid " 
 
 "Please let me," he pleaded. " I I've 
 been wandering around loose for the last 
 three months, making lots of money and hav- 
 ing adventures, but I didn't know what I 
 really wanted until I saw you." 
 
 "Me!" the vivid tint spreading on IKT 
 lovely face. 
 
 Yes I want want you! but I won't 
 speak of that just now; I'll confine my sug- 
 gestions to this business of first aid to the 
 indigent Dago, and I hope you'll let me build 
 a hospital for you 
 
 She lay back in IKT chair, blue eyes starry 
 and wide, and the bright color grew and 
 faded with every quick-drawn breath as she 
 uutchcd him, fascinated, while he spoke with 
 all the eager boyish impulsiveness of a young 
 man suddenly and hopefully in love. 
 
 r there was no chance to misunderstand ; 
 his every feature, every gesture told the story, 
 and the light in his eyes betrayed it. and the 
 very sound of his voice confessed it, and her 
 nun pulse mechanically echoed the avoual, 
 beating out unsteadily its irrevocable confir- 
 mation. 
 
A Remedy 97 
 
 Love! To come like this! Suddenly, 
 swiftly, irresistibly, like this ! Love ! to come 
 so abruptly, filling his heart as he met her 
 eyes, dominating him soul and body and 
 mind, so that it usurped his own personality 
 and enslaved every power of it, using his eyes 
 and lips for its own purposes. 
 
 And the purpose of love was to make her 
 understand, admit, believe, marvel, and be 
 afraid. 
 
 She was afraid. 
 
 Then the love, newborn, looked out at her 
 through his eyes while he was talking excit- 
 edly about hospitals ; and she heard his words 
 as in a dream, but sat spellbound under the 
 revelation from his eyes. 
 
 He talked and talked and talked, and 
 Heaven knows he was prosy but she did not 
 think so, lying back there in her chair, wide- 
 eyed, thrilled, tremulous of lid and lip, as 
 the undertone of love, sounding persistently 
 through his platitudes, swept her like a ca- 
 ress, and set the rose fire creeping across 
 her cheeks. 
 
 Socialism, equality, freedom, and the un- 
 trammeled expression of it, fearless confi- 
 dence, the repudiation of all that is artificial : 
 
g& Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 these had been the vows she had taken. She 
 understood, she remembered. 
 
 And now, with all the strength and instinct 
 and passion of her young soul and heart, she 
 was struggling against the creed she had con- 
 fessed struggling, bewildered, rejecting its 
 confession from his lips. 
 
 Turmoil in the confessional for her heart 
 was that dim sanetuar\ : n volt in mind and 
 body, and anathema for the penitent as she 
 rose, breathless, cheeks aflame, arms out- 
 stretched in a sudden gesture that at the 
 same time silenced him and shielded herself 
 silenced him for an instant only ; shielded her- 
 self very badly. 
 
 For oh, incredible! he had caught her 
 hands in his. her soft, white hands. l>,,th of 
 them, that twisted fiercely as though to hurt 
 him, not to escape. 
 
 " All this talk," he stammered, " means 
 only one thing ! " 
 
 " D-don't say it ! " she gasped. 
 
 " Will you not believe it ? " 
 
 " I yes! I know it is so; I know how it 
 is with us what has happened. But I can- 
 not endure it so quickly to to have you 
 take me this way " 
 
A Remedy 99 
 
 " You are already taken," he whispered, 
 mastering her hands. 
 
 " I know it prisoner in my own house." 
 . . . Her hands fell limp, she drew a deep, 
 sweet breath, and slowly, very slowly, raised 
 her eyes to his. 
 
 " Be merciful," she said. " The silk of the 
 old regime still clothes me under these red 
 rags of emancipation." 
 
 " I know," he said, his soul in his eyes. 
 
 Then, paling, she raised her hands, and he 
 drew them close against his lips. 
 
 " Good night," she whispered. 
 
 " To-morrow ? " 
 
 " Y-yes." 
 
 "And always, after that? Always? For- 
 ever and ever until 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 About one o'clock that morning, Manners, 
 squatting distractedly upon a bench in the 
 park, perceived a shadowy form, apparently 
 a prey to religious exaltation, wandering 
 about under the trees, arms upflung, face 
 lifted to heaven. 
 
 " Todd ! " he cried, bounding to his feet. 
 Then the desire for battle overwhelmed him, 
 8 
 
ioo Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 and he charged headlong upon Todd and as- 
 saulted him. And they had a splendid time 
 there all alone under the stars. 
 
 " Beast! " panted Manners, blocking an up- 
 per cut and countering. And Todd came 
 back joyously on the nose, and they mi\<<l 
 it again until, breathless, speechless, and sat- 
 isfied, they staggered apart and sat down on 
 the same bench. 
 
 " Careful about your nose, old fellow." 
 panted Todd ; " don't hold it over my 
 knees." 
 
 So Manners held his nose over the ^rass 
 like a gentleman, and Todd lent him another 
 handkerchief. 
 
 44 That was fine, wasn't it?" said Man- 
 ners. " \\ e must do it again with six- 
 ounce gloves 
 
 " Certainly." replied Todd affectionately, 
 as Manners rose and started toward the street. 
 And, linking his arm in his friend's arm. In- 
 looked up blissfully at the stars. 
 
 After a long time, during which, from mo- 
 ment to moment. Manners furtively pressed 
 the borrowed handkerchief to his nose, they 
 came into Fifth Avenue and headed south- 
 ward toward the Lenox Club. 
 
A Remedy 101 
 
 " And now," said Manners, " perhaps you 
 had better tell me what happened to you." 
 
 But Todd only shook his head dreamily and 
 raised his eyes to the star-set sky. 
 
 " No," he murmured, " not until it is an- 
 nounced." 
 
 Manners turned perfectly cold. 
 
 " Announced ! " he repeated threateningly. 
 
 " Yes ; to Billy West's sister not the pretty 
 one. God bless you, William." 
 
 But Manners was past all speech. 
 
CHAPTER V 
 
 A GUILTY MAN 
 
 IT was now generally known, 
 in the Lenox Club, that M;m 
 had suddenly discovered 
 himself to be endowed \\ith 
 tin- uncanny power of influ- 
 encing his tVll<>w -beings through mental sug- 
 gestion. 
 
 The strange experiences of Eric Kelvin, the 
 amazing adventures of Dudley Todd, were 
 new almost the sole topic of conversation in 
 the club. 
 
 Outwardly, the attitude and apparently the 
 
 102 
 
A Guilty Man 103 
 
 friendship of the club members had not 
 changed toward Manners ; inwardly he had 
 become an object of fearful curiosity to them. 
 And the awe of him continued. 
 
 When he entered a room abruptly an agree- 
 able sensation of dread seized every man pres- 
 ent. 
 
 When he punched the service button with 
 the ferrule of his walking stick dozens of 
 eyes observed him furtively ; when the ice 
 tinkled in his glass, and the contents of the 
 siphon fizzed in it, the more timid and callow 
 members effervesced in sympathy. 
 
 Yet even the timid ones never became 
 frightened enough to avoid Manners, and in 
 the hearts of the bolder men grew a curiously 
 delightful foreboding which became, at mo- 
 ments, a horrid sort of hope that Manners 
 might practice his necromancy upon them, 
 give them the dreaded mental absent treat- 
 ment for their several shortcomings, and com- 
 mand for them a few more of the delicate 
 and beautiful visions which he had summoned 
 out of the vasty metropolitan deep as lovely 
 life comrades for Kelvin and Todd. 
 
 For those bidden to the wedding of Kelvin 
 wandered back, stunned by the bride's young 
 
104 Sonic Ladies /;/ Haste 
 
 beauty. Those summoned to rejoice at the 
 bridal feast of Todd returned to the club 
 maddened with the hope that Manners mi^lit 
 meddle with them ; and, as a matter of fact, 
 a deputation of five confirmed bachelors did 
 actually approach him as he was in the act 
 of consuming bis cereal breakfast, with the 
 bashful suggestion that he practice ab>ent 
 treatment on them while they \\rre d>\\n- 
 t<>\\n, and guarantee them a bride apiece. 
 
 But Manners. M n-itive on the subject, be- 
 came angry, and the disconcerted deputation 
 fled at his fir-t \\onl of rebuke, fearful that 
 be infill transform them into a bunch of 
 something obnoxious, and entertaining in 
 their secret souls no doubt of his ability to 
 do so. 
 
 Manners had become M -native on the sub 
 ject of his unusual power. What he had done 
 to Kelvin and his bride, and what they had 
 done to him, had shaken him up. On the 
 heels of that had come the denouement of 
 Todd's case with Hilly West's sister; and al- 
 though these two matters had fortunately left 
 nobody miserable except himself, he remem- 
 bered remorsefully the practices he had at- 
 tempted upon others, and his curiosity as to 
 
A Guilty Man 105 
 
 what might happen to the attractive but un- 
 known maidens whom he had treated men- 
 tally without their knowledge amounted at 
 moments to a sort of terror. 
 
 Such a moment had come to him a day or 
 two before as, according to his custom, he 
 sat searching the columns of the newspapers 
 for any reports of extraordinary or outra- 
 geous conduct on the part of hitherto deco- 
 rous young women. 
 
 And he had encountered a paragraph which 
 disturbed him greatly an account of the il- 
 logical behavior of a youthful orphan maiden, 
 whose suddenly developed eccentricities were 
 now the gossip of the Berkshires. 
 
 This paragraph he had carefully cut out, 
 meaning to show it to young Stephen Gray, 
 who had recently acquired a country place in 
 the Berkshires near Lenox ; and so when 
 Gray arrived, and they met at the club for 
 breakfast, Manners took occasion to produce 
 the clipping and reread it to himself in the 
 faint hope of persuading himself that he had 
 no hand in the matter, and that, after all, 
 he need not mention it to Gray. Yet, curi- 
 ously enough, he was perfectly possessed to 
 talk about it to somebody, and once more 
 
io6 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 he lay back in his chair and. dropping his 
 monocle from his eye, began to devour the 
 quarter column of print, leaving his innocent 
 cereal untasted. 
 
 Young Gray sipped his coffee and watched 
 him. Manners had treated Gray experimen- 
 tally, but he didn't know that (iray kneu it. 
 He had treated him for a conspicuous absence 
 of artistic common sense (iray being in the 
 sign and advertising IHIMIK . \\liich covered 
 town and country with the disfigurements of 
 Glory Soap and Bylou's Hal 
 
 As Manners had noticed no diminution of 
 billboard atrocities in town, suburb, or conn 
 try. he began to believe that hi> mental 
 gestions to (iray had cither failed or, like 
 wireless messages, had gone a-tr,i\ and been 
 intercepted by somcbod\ for \\honi they were 
 not intended; so, seeing no particular mental 
 or physical improvement in (iray. he had not 
 thought it necessary to confess to him. 
 
 Meanwhile (iray. putting two and two to- 
 gether, became suspicious that he had 1 
 one of Manners'* victims. His sudden hatred 
 for his own vandal business strengthened the 
 suspicion ; certainty .settled upon him \\hen he 
 found himself the possessor of a farmhouse 
 
A Guilty Man 107 
 
 studio near Lenox and an unsuspected talent 
 for art; and, amazed and, at times, furious 
 with himself, he spent every spare moment in 
 his new country studio, where he began to 
 turn out landscapes in oils, marines in water 
 colors, statuettes in clay and wax and marble, 
 at a rate calculated to alarm an Art Nouveau 
 factory. 
 
 And meanwhile his advertising business was 
 being rapidly ruined by his neglect of it, and 
 a rival company was taking what remained of 
 his business away from him. 
 
 But all these things he kept tucked away in 
 the back of his head, making no sign to Man- 
 ners or to anybody of what was happening. 
 And every week or two he came to town to 
 sell his pictures. In vain. 
 
 Now, he sat there, sipping his coffee at in- 
 tervals, quietly interested in the growing un- 
 easiness which was creeping over Manners's 
 handsome features. And, as Manners read 
 on, the conviction that he was responsible for 
 what he was reading gripped him till he shud- 
 dered. 
 
 * Well," asked Gray, " is it the market 
 that's upsetting your nerves? " 
 
 " Upsetting who? " demanded Manners with 
 
io8 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 a start ; then, attempting to recover his self- 
 possession, he leaned one elbow carelessly on 
 the table and pretended to yawn. 
 
 " Your elbow's in your oatmeal," observed 
 Gray coldly. 
 
 Confused and humiliated, Manners suf- 
 fered a servant to remove the traces of mis- 
 hap. 
 
 " William," said Gray curiously, " you are 
 acting like a criminal in danger of detection 
 Besides, you look like one. What's the mat- 
 ter? What's that clipping?" 
 
 Suddenly guilt overcame Manners, and with 
 it the instinctive and panicky determin.it in 
 to conceal his guilt by loquacity to smother 
 suspicion by actually inviting a discussion of 
 his crime. A mad desire to talk about it 
 overcame a cooler judgment ; the scared and 
 cicncc-ridden malefactor was predomi- 
 nant in him. fascinated by the evil that he had 
 wrought, terrified that it had been made pub- 
 lic in print. 
 
 And even now, shocked as he had been by 
 Gray's apparently innocent inquiry. Manners 
 knew that he could not long have refrained 
 from calling somebody's attention to the re- 
 port in the newspapers ; could not have resist- 
 
A Guilty Man 109 
 
 ed the mania to drag in the subject that 
 haunted his conscience. 
 
 " As a matter of fact," he said frankly, " I 
 was a little upset by a very sad occurrence 
 which I've been reading about in the paper. 
 You know, Stephen, what a sensitive and 
 sympathetic nature I have. Any misfortune 
 that happens in the world affects me vio- 
 lently. It's foolish, it's unmanly, but b-b- 
 but- 
 
 " Don't blubber/' said Gray; "I can't un- 
 derstand what you're saying." 
 
 " I c-can't help it," repeated Manners, 
 dashing the unmanly moisture from his mon- 
 ocle, " because I've just been reading the sad- 
 dest paragraph in the p-p-paper 
 
 He choked, adding with an effort : " It's 
 about such a foolishness " 
 
 "A *of?" 
 
 " It's about a young girl a certain Miss 
 Valdes of Lenox " 
 
 "Miss Valdes!" 
 
 " Y-yes. She lives up your way. You 
 don't happen to know her, I hope 
 
 " Do you mean that very young girl you 
 don't mean Diana Valdes ! " exclaimed Gray. 
 
 " Yes, I do." 
 
1 10 Some I.mlics in lid 
 
 "William! What has happened to her'" 
 cried Gray, half rising to his feet in his ex- 
 citement. 
 
 " Do you know her 
 
 " No that is, I've seen her every summer 
 for years! Ever since she was a child 
 
 14 Then, if that's all, you're making quite a 
 hullabaloo/' returned the other, taking refuge 
 from his own growing alarm in the effrontery 
 of bad temper. " 1 thought at least you must 
 be engaged to her by the way you began 
 jumping around the room." 
 
 He paused, but Gray made no observation ; 
 and, supposing he had squelched him, Man- 
 ners went on : 
 
 "According to this m \\xpaj,, r< it \\mild ap- 
 pear that Mi \alilrs h,-^ hern rxhil.- 
 symptoms of classical eccentru it\ What's 
 the matter, (.ra\ f I >il anything sting y< 
 
 " What symptoms ? " demanded Gray, ig- 
 noring the question. 
 
 Why," continued Manners, moistening 
 his lips, dry from increasing fright as he be- 
 gan to realize Cira\ - personal interest in the 
 affair, " she's got into the habit of going off 
 l>\ herself for days at a time; hiding hermit 
 in the fields and bushes and woods of her 
 
A Guilty Man in 
 
 big country place there. You've heard that 
 she has a huge and beautiful wooded es- 
 tate- 
 
 " Yes ; go on ! " 
 
 " W-well, don't shout at me that way, 
 Stephen." 
 
 " I'm not shouting. Besides, this dining 
 room is empty. Go on ! " 
 
 " You did shout ; and my nerves are not 
 what they once were. . . . What are you 
 glaring about? I'm going on, I tell you. 
 Anybody'd think you were in love with her, 
 fidgeting about like that ! I know her as well 
 as you do; I've never seen her, but Mrs. Kel- 
 vin knows her and has told me all about her. 
 So don't get gay with me, Stephen." 
 
 And he waved the newspaper clipping and 
 continued, sometimes quoting from the ac- 
 count, sometimes delivering a resume of the 
 affair in his own language : 
 
 " Her servants became very anxious over 
 her repeated and prolonged disappearances, 
 scouring the woods and hills of the estate for 
 some trace of their beautiful mistress 
 And, turning a wavering eye on Gray: 
 " What the deuce do you suppose they found 
 out she was doing, Stephen ? " 
 
1 12 Some Ladies in Ilu. 
 
 " Go on," responded Gray between his 
 teeth, "or I'll hit you \\itli the toast rack!" 
 
 " I am. You're- in a na>ty temper this A.M. 
 Well, then; Miss YaMes. it seems, lias con- 
 cluded to become a goddess " 
 
 "A w*a/?" 
 
 " A goddess. Didn't you hear what I said ? 
 She insists that it is the only sane, wholesome, 
 and logical outdoor life to lead. And so she 
 runs about the woods with only a bow and 
 arrow, and a half moon stuck in her hair 
 
 " William ! " 
 
 ' Well, that's what the paper says," faltered 
 Manners. " You can read it yourM li. \>u un- 
 mannerly dub! That's what it says 
 
 " Wearing only a b-b-bow and arrow and 
 a crescent!" \\himpered Gray, utterly un- 
 nerved. 
 
 "Na-aw! Who said that? She v. 
 some drapery, of course, and sandals, and she 
 chases the dappled deer. A Tribune reporter 
 caught sight of her running like fury- 
 Do you does that fool newspaper mean 
 to make us believe that the indolent, indif- 
 ferent, and statuesquely classical Miss Valdes 
 goes racing over the Berkshires c-clad in 
 cheese cloth and a crescent 
 
A Guilty Man 113 
 
 " Sure thing/' replied Manners despondent- 
 ly. " She's a changed girl ; she tells people 
 she's invented a new health idea, and she calls 
 it the. Olympian cure; and the way you do 
 it is to go out with as little clothing on as 
 possible, and chase everything that runs away 
 from you." 
 
 "William!" cried Gray distractedly, "do 
 you believe she has buzz wheels? Da you?" 
 
 " Nonsense ! " said Manners, paling ; " it's 
 only that she now prefers, in her leisure mo- 
 ments, to go bounding about like Diana 
 instead of taking ornamental siestas in ham- 
 mocks, or lolling about all day under a parti- 
 colored sunshade. Here, read it yourself," he 
 added, thrusting the newspaper clipping at 
 Gray, and employing his handkerchief to wipe 
 the cold perspiration from his visage. 
 
 Gray took the clipping and read in horri- 
 fied silence. Manners watched him, trying 
 vainly the while to manage a roll and a cup 
 of coffee. Both choked him ; he couldn't eat ; 
 his appetite had vanished with his peace of 
 mind in the certainty that this unfortunate 
 girl was one of his hitherto unknown victims. 
 
 "What do you think about it?" asked 
 Manners wretchedly. 
 
ii4 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 Think of it?" repeated Gray. 
 Sf-yes; what do you think makes her act 
 like that? W-w-wheels 
 
 Gray turned red and his eyes began to look 
 dangerous, but he said very calmly : " Nix 
 for the wheels. If a girl wants to do the un- 
 conventional within the walls of her own es- 
 tate, I think she might be allowed to without 
 all this clamor in the newspapt i 
 
 " S-s-so do I," said Manners with a shiver. 
 
 1 think so, too." 
 
 " If." continued Gray, " Miss Valdes wants 
 to wear cheese-cloth skirts and Grecian san- 
 dals and go about potting sparrows with a 
 bow and arrow, why shouldn't she? The old 
 Greek costume is far healthier and far more 
 beautiful than the skirts and corsets of to-day. 
 And, as for the archery practice, why not? 
 It's fashionable to revive the quaint pastimes 
 and sports of the past. Tin > are taking up 
 falconry in France ; they ride the lists in the 
 Cammargue; you've heard of the Marathon 
 race, haven't you? And of the Olympian 
 games, where they are hurling the discus 
 again?" 
 
 " Certainly," nodded Manners hopefully, 
 " and even in the time of Nero they played 
 Red Lion. 
 
A Guilty Man 115 
 
 " Well, then," continued Gray, " it's prob- 
 ably quite natural and instinctive for Miss 
 Valdes to revive in herself the charming and 
 graceful pastimes of Diana/' He paused and 
 fixed a withering eye upon Manners, who 
 promptly began to tremble. " I say it is prob- 
 ably natural for Miss Valdes to do this. But 
 if it isn't natural if some confounded, im- 
 pertinent, mischief-making, idle, and wealthy 
 young pup has ventured mentally to suggest 
 to this innocent girl any such games and 
 practices 
 
 Manners, pale and astounded at the dis- 
 covery of his guilt, pushed back his chair 
 violently and rose to his feet prepared for 
 fight. 
 
 "What's the matter with you?" demanded 
 Gray. " Sit <l.\\n ! " 
 
 " D-d-do you c-care for her? " 
 
 " Ya-as," said Gray, "I do ! Sit down or 
 I'll attack \ou!" 
 
 " What are you g-going to do about it?" 
 stammered Manners, dropping instinctively 
 into the popular attitude of self-defense. 
 
 " William ! William ! I don't know what 
 I am going to do about it. I want to do 
 something primitive throw everything on 
 9 
 
 
n6 Some I. miles in Haste 
 
 the table at you, for example hut I'm not 
 going to; I want to run utter \>u and, at the 
 end of a savage and terrihle chase* corner 
 you and destroy you. Hut I'm not going to 
 do that, either. As for delivering you to the 
 police, \N hut's the use? Tlu \ wouldn't believe 
 it of you. Wizard! Witch doctor! Con- 
 jurer " 
 
 " Besides, they ini^ht believe something 
 queerer about you'' retorted Manners \\itli 
 dignity. And, becoming irritated : ** See here ; 
 I don't mind tin- names you call me. hut. if 
 you think of assaulting me. I'll ti^ht \\itli the 
 fury of despair. Ask Todd. Besides, I'm 
 horribly mortified and sorry for what 1 did 
 to Miss Valdes 
 
 What's the good of being sorry and mor- 
 tified?" demanded (Iray. hammering on the 
 table with doubled fV-t "She's the m..-t at 
 tractive Ljirl I ever saw, and you've turned her 
 into a side show, und jjiven her the ambitions 
 of a spear carrier in the ' P.lark Crook '! 
 
 " But you said yourself that it ua- natural 
 for her to act that way 
 
 You put her up to it! You voodoo doc- 
 tor 1 
 
 "Well what if I did? Isn't it fashionable 
 
A Guilty Man 117 
 
 to revive ancient sports and pastimes? Be- 
 sides, what have I ever done to you to be 
 injuriously described as a voodoo 
 
 " You impudent dabbler in second-hand 
 magic ! " shouted Gray in impotent fury. 
 " You've ruined my advertising and publicity 
 business! That's \\liat you've done to me! 
 And you've turned me into a tenth-rate land- 
 scape painter! Even this club rejects my 
 l>i< tares as gifts 
 
 "\\Vre those awful daubs yours?" ex- 
 claimed Manners. 
 
 " Yes, they were! And I stood by and saw 
 you laugh at them when the board of gov- 
 ernors rejected them ! And now you've taken 
 a lovely, scarcely mature orphan maiden, cel- 
 ebrated in Lenox for her lazy repose, languid 
 beauty, and ab-ent -minded indifference, and 
 turned her into a classical tomboy, and set 
 her racing madly about the backwoods like a 
 demented white rabbit with the pip!" 
 
 Manners stared at him in horror, opened 
 his mouth to deny everything; then, as 
 though stunned, dropped both arms on the 
 table and laid his head between them. 
 
 Gray gazed at him for a moment enraged, 
 but after a while his visage softened. 
 
n8 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 ' I don't mean to be too hard on you/* he 
 said. " What can we do about this matter?" 
 
 Manners moaned. 
 
 " Something's got to be done, of course," 
 insisted Gray ; " and you'd better begin ! I f 
 \u don't. I'll run at you! " 
 
 "I can't!" groaned Manners; 1 don't 
 know how to work it backward ; I can't re- 
 verse mental suggestion. Great IIra\m. man. 
 if I omld. dn't \<m think I \\onld? I > \ >u 
 think I'd let you go on painting those auful 
 pictures? Do you think I'd permit this 
 \uiing tfirl to risk catching cold in her cheese 
 cloth, buskins, and crescent?' I'd rather see 
 Bylow's Baby Food frescoed all over the new 
 public library than ^ r i\i \n the contract to 
 decorate it. I thought there was nothing 
 u<'rT than I ilnry Snap. Thi 'id you've 
 
 produced it! 1 treated >u for lack of artis- 
 tic appreciation, expecting you to clear the 
 Hudson Valley of your defacing billboards. 
 I'.nt \mi immediately began to produce 
 Fourth Avenue Corots, and your technic was 
 not Fontainehlean but Hylow - " 
 
 up mi my art." protested Gray, in- 
 censed. " It may not be good, but I likr it. 
 And I must say it's pretty shabby of you, 
 
A Guilty Man 119 
 
 William, to set me painting landscapes and 
 then never even offer to buy one 
 
 " Gray ! I cant buy one of those things ! I 
 can't stand 'em 
 
 " You've got to ! You owe me something. 
 My advertising business is utterly ruined. 
 It's only fair that you create a market for my 
 pictures. I tell you, Manners, you ought to 
 begin collecting my landscapes for a private 
 gallery of your own ; that's the way to launch 
 me ; that's the way to create a public furore 
 for my works. Let it be known widely that 
 the wealthy and fashionable young connois- 
 seur, William Manners, Esquire, has, with 
 greatest difficulty, indefatigable patience, and 
 lavish expenditure of money, succeeded in 
 collecting a hundred of my masterpieces 
 
 "Yours!" 
 
 " Exactly," said Gray calmly. " That's how 
 you can make partial reparation. I've got to 
 go on painting; I can't help it as long as 
 ydu are unable to reverse your mental treat- 
 ment ; and as long as I go on painting you 
 ought to go on buying my pictures, unless 
 you can create a healthy market for me. 
 How else am I to live, now that you've ruined 
 my sign business? " 
 
120 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 Manners, very pale, mopped the starting 
 pi rspiration from his forehead. 
 
 " It's horrible," he said under his breath. 
 
 *' The public will think I'm cra/y " 
 
 " Not after you have bought a hundred 
 or two of my pictures," said ( iray cheerfully. 
 " As soon as the public reads about it. I'll In- 
 all right. And, William, perhaps yu had 
 better begin to acquire my works immedi 
 atcls. I've nearly thirty upstairs tlu- ones 
 that the elnb \\mldn't accept as a gift- 
 Manners convulsively covered his eyes with 
 his hands. 
 
 " He a man!" said Gray kindly. "I'mnr 
 upstairs and let me explain them to you. Bc- 
 -iii by purchasing t \\ < . < >r tin... l-'.asy does 
 it. (let the habit. And by and by you may 
 tin<l it rather interesting t ac|uire 
 llu\ rr nt so bad to look at when you 
 -tomcd to them. It's pnrelv a matter 
 of habit. / like them ; I really do. Cheer 
 up ; you may come to care for them some 
 
 Manners lifted a haggard fa 
 
 " I I suppose it's <>nly fair." he said. I 
 didn't know I'd ruined your s,- n business, 
 Stephen. If I have it's only decent for me to 
 
A Guilty Man 121 
 
 do what I can. H-how many pictures did 
 you say you had left unsold ? " 
 
 " They're all unsold," replied Gray. " I've 
 simply got to sell some to make a living. Of 
 course, if you feel the way you do, I hate to 
 have you make a collection 
 
 " I'll do it! I'll try my best to make you 
 popular and fashionable if it's possible. I'll 
 ask Kelvin and Todd and Billy West and 
 Krlly Jones to buy 'em, too! I'll engage a 
 press agent for you. I'll do anything only, 
 you won't mind if I I dispose of my gallery 
 after you're famous, will you, Stephen? It 
 would kill me to live very long with those 
 things; it really wouM." 
 
 So it was arranged between them that a 
 campaign be started immediately to alleviate 
 the financial condition of Stephen Gray; and 
 they adjourned to Gray's room to agree upon 
 the plan and try to accustom Manners to the 
 sight of the thirty pictures. 
 
 About noon they lunched together that is, 
 Stephen lunched but it was empty form for 
 Manners to sit at the table, as his mind was 
 distracted with his dreadful responsibility for 
 the classical antics of Miss Valdes, and also 
 upset by an inspection of Gray's pictures. 
 
122 Sonic Liniics in Haste 
 
 "Awful, isn't it?" lu- repeated a-ain and 
 again to Gray. " Nobody will ever care to 
 marry such a girl as that! She'll never find 
 a man who can stand for that sort of tiling. 
 I I suppose, in decency, I ought to go up 
 there to Lenox and dress up in billy-goat 
 skins and pretend t<> be Pan. and offer to 
 marry her 
 
 " You don't have to," observed < .ray coldly. 
 
 "But it's the only reparation 1 can 
 
 make 
 
 " I'll do any repairing nece> ^aid 
 
 Gray firmly. 
 
 rtainly." 
 
 "What are you going to do? You prob- 
 ably won't be able to -et near her if she's 
 ranging the woods unless you dre tip like 
 a faun or a water nymph " 
 
 Gray dropped knife and fork. " Do you 
 think so?" he a.' ked, agitated. 
 
 I'm afraid so. You see, when I noticed 
 that indolent-eyed, languid young girl rolling 
 past the club window in her victoria. I gave 
 her a vigorous dose of mental persuasion. 
 All the fuss and feathery furbelow and non- 
 sense that decorated her I suggested that she 
 
A Guilty Man 123 
 
 shed in favor of classical simplicity. * Go out 
 and range the fragrant woods and fields ! ' I 
 insisted. ' Kick off those French heels, and 
 be as unconventional and free-limbed as Di- 
 ana ! ' O Stephen, I didn't mean to be lit- 
 eral ! I didn't intend to have her act the way 
 she's acting. I my intentions were of the 
 best the purest, the most chaste Stephen, 
 you know that Diana was chaste 
 
 Gray gazed at his omelet. " She got stuck 
 on Endymion," he observed gloomily. " See 
 here, William, the thing for us to do is to 
 go up there to the Berkshires, call upon Miss 
 Valdes, confess frankly the horrible wrong 
 you have done her 
 
 "What good will it do?" demanded Man- 
 ners, aghast. " I I'm perfectly willing to 
 endure her scorn and reproach and hatred, 
 but all that won't prevent her from continu- 
 ing to behave like a goddess " 
 
 " Don't you think so?" 
 
 " No, I don't. I don't know any antidote 
 for what I've done. If I could reverse treat- 
 ment I would, but I can't, and there are no 
 anti-goddess pills that I ever heard of. Only 
 cold weather can make her dress warmly 
 again, I fear." 
 
124 M* l.adics in Haste 
 
 "Thru." xaid Gray resolutely. " I'll marry 
 her, an\\\ay. if I can if she'll have me. 
 What do I care whether she chooses to roam 
 free and untrammeled in a classical costume 
 of cheese cloth \\lun the weather permits? It 
 will always be inside private grounds, ami. 
 besides, I, personally, like ( i redan costume 
 and customs. Why not? the\'rc artiMic. 
 and as art is about all I live for now it will 
 suit me perfectly. So I'm goinsj up to Lenox 
 to-night. And you must come, too." 
 
 I don't want to," said Manners in a voice 
 which approached a whimper. 
 
 h. v'ti've got to go to her and ex- 
 plain," insisted Gl It can do no harm 
 
 and it may. perhaps, do some good. So tell 
 the valet to pack your suit case and trunk. 
 . . . After all. I'm not so VIM \..u did 
 
 this to us. If you hadn't I probably would 
 never have gathered enough courage to ask 
 Miss Valdes to mam- a man who had only 
 known her by sight f- and whose busi- 
 
 ness was as low d<>wn as mine was. As it K 
 I think I can venture to ask her to consider 
 the respectful advances of an artist - " 
 
 " D-don't let her see your pictures," mut- 
 tered Manners. 
 
A Guilty Man 125 
 
 " I most certainly shall," returned Gray 
 very haughtily. " I'll sail under no false oil 
 colors; I'll practice no deceptions. If she 
 takes me she takes me with all my faults 
 and pictures. She will know exactly what 
 she's getting; she won't plunge blindly into 
 matrimony. . . . And, William, I am won- 
 dering wlu-t IKT my pictures are as bad as they 
 are painted ? After all, you don't know every- 
 thing, do you? Suppose, after all, I've been 
 founding a new school which nobody yet ap- 
 preciates or understands?" 
 
 " Perhaps," groaned Manners, collapsing 
 in his chair. 
 
CHAPTER VI 
 
 THE ABSENT-MINDED GODDESS 
 
 X a hrautit'ul summer after- 
 noon two ynuni; mm ap- 
 proached the great door of a 
 stately country mansion a few 
 miles from Lenox. Both 
 young men carried suit cases. One wore a 
 frock coat, silk hat, an old-fashioned string tie, 
 and a false beard. 
 
 To their formal inquiries the sepulchral 
 servant at the door replied, in a voice like 
 the sound of a half-gulped sob, that Miss Val- 
 des was not at home. 
 
 120 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 127 
 
 " Might we see the park and the gardens? " 
 inquired one of, the young men. " I would 
 like to have Dr. Manners become familiar 
 with the ah environments 
 
 The butler said that visitors were permitted 
 until five. 
 
 A parlor maid conducted them to the ter- 
 race. Her eyes were red as though she had 
 been weeping. Another maid appeared and 
 piloted them through the summer conserva- 
 tories. Her eyes were red. 
 
 Then a gardener came to take them 
 through the graperies; and his eyes were 
 red. 
 
 " What's the matter with everybody ? " ven- 
 tured Gray at last. 
 
 " Doin's," said the gardener briefly. 
 
 The ganKmr's wife received them at her 
 cottage door and conducted them through the 
 celebrated vegetable garden. She had been 
 weeping. 
 
 " I suppose," suggested Manners, wagging 
 his big, false beard, " that you've been cry- 
 ing on account of the doin's, haven't you?" 
 
 " Y-yes," sniffed the woman ; " but how do 
 you know? " 
 
 " Friends of the family physicians/' mut- 
 
128 Some I.iiilics in I lust c 
 
 tered (iray. " I mean that I am not exactly. 
 !>ut this medical gentleman is old Dr. Man- 
 ners 1 
 
 "Oh, sir!" broke in the woman, clasping 
 her hands, "perhaps you can tell me. then, 
 if they have found my dear yoimi; mistress! 
 \\ e are all so frightened: Miss Yaldes has 
 been gone three days this time, and if she 
 hadn't told us she'd dismiss ux if we both- 
 ered her again we'd have went for the tn\sn 
 constable and the t'ambly dctr." 
 
 Manners began to shake; Gray wagged his 
 head. 
 
 So she is still in the woods?" he asked 
 gravels. 
 
 Yes. xj r< u< suppose so judging from the 
 state of the pantry last ni^ht." 
 
 " Sad. 1. 1. " he obsei Hut 
 
 old Dr. Manners and I are extinndx In .peiul 
 ah I may say almost sanguine, that V 
 \ aides may return this evening. I hat is 
 \\liy \\e are here: but you are not to say 
 anything, do you understand' " 
 
 ' Yes. sir."" 
 
 " Are those the woods Miss Valdes usu- 
 ally haunts?" 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 129 
 
 " Those umbrageous solitudes over there 
 on the hill is that where your mistress is 
 accustomed to seclude herself?" 
 
 " She goes into them woods, doctor yes, 
 sir." 
 
 " Quite so. Thank you." And, turning 
 gravely to Manners : " Now, doctor, if you 
 are ready." 
 
 And very solemnly, arm in arm, the two 
 young men set off across the fields, carrying 
 their suit cases. The sun was hot; perspira- 
 tion bedewed Manners's countenance. 
 
 " This beard and this accursed silk hat are 
 fierce," he said, " and my black frock coat 
 weighs tons. I don't think it is necessary for 
 me to 
 
 " Yes, it is. You look the part. Besides, 
 she'll be more likely to listen to you if you 
 look like that. Do you remember what you 
 are to say when you meet her?" 
 
 " Yes," said Manners sulkily ; " I'm to say 
 that I'm old Dr. Manners, specialist on all 
 kinds of feminine fidgets, and that if she 
 doesn't go back home and stop behaving 
 like a goddess, I'll commit her to my sana- 
 torium." 
 
 " Well, try to put it more medically, 
 
130 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 William. Whew ! This shade is refresh- 
 ing!" as they entered the woods. ''Isn't 
 this stunning? these fine old trees and 
 rocks 
 
 Manners was down on all fours drinking 
 out of a brook that came rippling through the 
 woodland silence ; and as he eagerly lapped 
 up the icy water his silk hat fell off and 
 danced roguishK a\\a\ d>\\ n>treani. Gray 
 brought it back. 
 
 When we sight her," he said, " I'll hide, 
 and you advance and try to reason with In r ; 
 and if there's nothing doing then I'll put on 
 these pink tights and the billy-goat coat, and 
 tie a ribbon across my forehead, and begin 
 to play on my fife, and let her discover me by 
 the brook." 
 
 Yu ought to have had a reed pipe," said 
 Manners doubtfully. But Gray seemed confi- 
 dent that his fife was just as classical. Be- 
 sides, he could play " Rally Around the Flag " 
 on the fitV. 
 
 When Manners had drunk his fill and re- 
 moved the irv drops that twinkled on his 
 nose and on the point of his false beard, they 
 moved forward, rapidly at first, then cau- 
 tiously, listening, alert, wary as men ought to 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 131 
 
 be who were liable at any moment to encoun- 
 ter a goddess in the next thicket. 
 
 "Any signs?" whispered Manners, pick- 
 ing up his silk hat which 'a young tree had 
 playfully snatched from his head and deftly 
 punctured. 
 
 " No; did you hear anything?" questioned 
 Gray with trembling lips, peering forward. 
 
 Manners, after vainly attempting to smooth 
 the nap of his hat, crammed it firmly on his 
 head. 
 
 " She's probably camping along this brook 
 somewhere," he said. " You find game along 
 water courses, and probably it's the same \\ith 
 goddesses. Hark ! " 
 
 " Hark ! " repeated Gray in a whisper. 
 
 Very far away a twig had snapped sharply ; 
 then the woodland silence fell over all a 
 stillness the more profound for the ceaseless 
 sound of the shallow brook slipping swiftly 
 over silver sands. 
 
 " Hush ! " breathed Manners through his 
 false beard, hand to ear, as though intent 
 on listening to something off stage. Gray 
 glanced at him with artistic disapproval ; the 
 attitude was admirable, but the top hat 
 clashed with the background. 
 10 
 
132 Some Lit dies in Haste 
 
 It actually hurts me to look at you/' he 
 said. " Come on; I can't hear anybody mak- 
 ing a noise like a goddess." 
 
 They stole stealthily forward, Indian file, 
 Manners leading through the fragrant tangle 
 and holding on his hat with one hand. 
 
 A rabbit, bouncing up and hopping noisily 
 away over the dead leaves, almost paralyzed 
 them; the thundering whir of a partridge 
 halted them again with a shock. 
 
 If if those little creatures make all that 
 noise, " panted Manners, " \\ \\hat sort of an 
 uproar do you suppose a scared goddess \\ill 
 make? She'll go off like a regiment of cav- 
 alry. I suppose 
 
 " S-s-st ! " cautioned < ira\ . listening off 
 stage in his turn. A distant crashing sounded 
 far in the dim forest depths, nearer. I.ud-r. 
 suddenly lost, then startling in its distinctness. 
 
 " S-s-something's coming on a jump! " fal- 
 tered Manners. "\V-\\hich uay had we bet- 
 ter run, Stephen ? " 
 
 Before Gray could reply, a deer crossed the 
 brook at full speed, flag up, and continued on- 
 ward, taking most prodigious bounds into the 
 leafy thickets beyond. 
 
 Manners recovered his speech after a sec- 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 133 
 
 ond or two. " I just hate to be startled," he 
 said fretfully. " Everything in nature seems 
 to delight in jarring you." 
 
 Gray, who had been watching a low wood- 
 ed crest to the right, suddenly squatted be- 
 hind a barrier of low fir trees. 
 
 " There she is ! " he hissed. " She'll cross 
 the brook above us, where that deer crossed ! 
 Quick, Manners! It's up to you to do what 
 you can ! " 
 
 Manners gaped vacantly at a swiftly speed- 
 ing ^limnuT of white emerging from the dis- 
 tant foliage on the hill. Gray muttered : 
 " Run upstream, idiot ! " and gave him a vio- 
 lent shove ; and Manners, following the direc- 
 tion in which he had been unceremoniously 
 projected, cramnu-d his silk hat over his ears 
 and cantered on, suit case in one hand, long, 
 black coat flapping. And the next moment 
 he saw the goddess in full chase. 
 
 She was a tall, lithe girl, clothed in the 
 white, heavily plaited body blouse and short 
 skirt of the classical Grecian huntress. Arms 
 and neck flashed like polished ivory, and 
 above her big, gray eyes a heavy mass of 
 bronze hair whipped the wind. 
 
 Hopping hopefully upstream, Manners 
 
134 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 emerged into view, and. as she caught sight 
 of him, he attempted to bow ; but that was a 
 difficult matter \\hile running, for his hat was 
 jammed on hard. 
 
 The girl halted in a flash, eyes widening, 
 scarlet lips parted; and as Manners \\mulud 
 off his hat with a conciliators flourish, and 
 dropped hi- >uit case, panting, she stood for 
 an instant like a slender silver bin i 
 among the shaggy giants of the pii. 
 
 Then a swift frown bent her delicate, 
 ^traight brows inuard; and she whipped an 
 arrow from the quiver and fitted the nock to 
 the string of the bent bou . 
 
 "Good Heavens! " panted Manuel - ; " \ on 
 are not going to slu>< 
 
 "\\hat arc \ .n doino m m \ u.MKls? 11 she 
 asked in a clear, menacing \ Are you 
 
 a tramp 
 
 I I'm a doctor old Dr. Manm-i 
 
 M A c/( 
 
 "Certain!)." >aid Manner^, summoning all 
 his dignity. "I have eome lu n n-.m New 
 N rk, profoundly int< .1 b\ tin- 
 pathological aspects of \,,ur evident condi- 
 tion " 
 
 - \\ ha: 
 
44 What are you doing in my woods?' 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 135 
 
 " I say I have ventured to take a personal 
 and scientific interest in you." 
 
 A bright flush mounted to her cheeks. 
 
 " This is abominable ! " she said, stamping 
 her sandaled foot. " If you please, you will 
 instantly leave." 
 
 " If you insist," he said soothingly, 4 M will 
 reluctantly do as you request. Hut first, Miss 
 Valdes, it is absolutely important that I make 
 plain to you in the interest of science arid 
 of humanity 
 
 " What do you mean ? " she asked impa- 
 tiently, moving a pace nearer. 
 
 " Miss Valdes, I am a physician. The 
 mission of a physician in this sad world is 
 sacred. Pathos and pathology are closely 
 linked in a 
 
 "Pathos and pathology!" sl u > repeated 
 coldly. " Do you mean bathos and biolo- 
 gy ? " And, in swiftly mounting scorn and 
 vexation : " I understand, I think. Some 
 meddler has sent for you to interfere with me 
 because I choose to amuse myself in my own 
 fashion on my own estate. Please let me at 
 once assure you that I am not in need of a 
 physician 
 
 " You arc \ " said Manners firmly. 
 
136 Some Ladies in ffostc 
 
 She flushed crimson. " I beg your par- 
 don 
 
 " You ore. Miss Yaldes." ho repeated. " It 
 is only right that you should know that your 
 present lamentable mode of life is not caused 
 h\ any fault of your own. That is why I 1 
 come here to warn you to admit to confess 
 that that it is ;;/y fault." 
 
 She stared at him without a word. 
 
 " I did it," he said gloomily. " throe months 
 ago. It is a dreadful and humiliating cm 
 sion for me to come here and make. I am 
 perfectly overwhelmed with horror at myself. 
 But, if there is any remedy at all for this 
 classical mythological mania no\\ . 
 \"ti. it perhaps lj t -s in my confession of guilt." 
 
 "Three months ago." she repeated; " I 
 I don't understand ' 
 
 "Throe months ago." he said solemnly. 
 u were a perfectly ordinary girl idle, 
 luxurious, indifferent, vain. s r lh\hl\ absorbed. 
 and physically and mentally indolent, with the 
 intellect of a canary, and the ambition of a 
 Persian kitten 
 
 " W-what ! " 
 
 " Thon," he continued, moving a little 
 nearer to where she stood, " on an evil day 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 137 
 
 I saw you, rolling along in your victoria 
 on Fifth Avenue, all aflutter with lace and 
 furbelows and knickknacks and beribboned 
 whatnots. What you were was perfectly ap- 
 parent to me in your face and figure and at- 
 titude and dress. And I thought it a pity ; 
 and and I fixed my eyes on you and 
 and- 
 
 "W-what?" she faltered. 
 
 " Changed you ! " he said, still cautiously 
 approaching her. " I concentrated upon you 
 the powerful, intellectual batteries of my 
 mind ! I altered you by hurling after you 
 wave after wave of mental suggestion. I 
 willed that you become vigorous and active 
 and athletic ! I unfortunately urged you to 
 an emulation of the classical ladies of Greek 
 mythology. I didn't mean to have you influ- 
 enced so morally and literally, Miss Val- 
 des 
 
 "You did this to tm!!!" 
 
 " Alas ! " he sighed, continuing his way 
 toward her. 
 
 " To me ! ! " gazing at him in slowly 
 flushed wonder. " This insolence this shame 
 Stand still ! Stand where you are ! " 
 
 Suddenly the gray lightning flashed in her 
 
138 Some I. ailics in Hustc 
 
 eyes ; she whipped the arrow across the string. 
 drew it to its head, and deliberately opened 
 fire at him. 
 
 Leave these woods! " she cried. " Leave 
 instantly!" And a blunt arrow rapped him 
 smartly across the ribs and rebounded rat- 
 tling on the stones of the brook. 
 
 Manners grasped hU Miit rase and with one 
 frantic bound cleared the brook. 1 '.hinted ar- 
 rows rattled a lively tattoo all over him as 
 he fled; Gray, from his hiding place in th 
 thicket, saw his friend pass at a maddened 
 gallop, the air around him singing thirk with 
 arro\\ I, 
 
 "Good Lord!" he thought, appalled; 
 " what a very unusual sort of a girl ^lu 
 
 He had seeing how matters were turning 
 -concluded that Manner's mission would In- 
 useless. There remained only one way to 
 make amends to Miss Valdes. as he under- 
 stood it, and that was to offer himself, hand 
 and heart, to this beautiful but eccentric girl. 
 barred by her eccentricity from the fan 
 chance of matrimony with a normal man of 
 her own caste. 
 
 To that end, and during Manners's com 
 sion of guilt, he had hurriedly divested him- 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 139 
 
 self of his fashionable apparel, drawn on the 
 pink silk tights and sandals, and swathing his 
 figure in a goatskin rug, he secreted his suit 
 case in the bushes and seated himself on the 
 moss, fingering his fife and watching the out- 
 come of Manners's mission. 
 
 But the abrupt termination of the parley 
 and the shocking manner of his friend's re- 
 treat frightened him. A flight of arrows 
 rebounding from his own pink silk attire did 
 not seem very attractive ; he sat quite still on 
 the moss, fife inserted between his lips, hesi- 
 tating, and peeping nervously through the 
 foliage where his goddess stood, a rosy- 
 cheeked vision in white, speeding the last ar- 
 row in the wake of the crashing but now 
 invisible Manner- 
 
 When she sent the last feathered messen- 
 ger of vengeance into the golden gloom of 
 the trees, she stood for a moment rijjid, erect, 
 a statuesque and charming miracle, left arm 
 outstretched clutching the bow, right arm 
 drawn back, her slender white fingers, from 
 which she had just loosed the bowstring, 
 brushing the little close-set ear. 
 
 Then the snowy vision o dead ages slowly 
 dissolved, and out of it emerged a very lovely 
 
140 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 and very modern young girl, graceful, re- 
 laxed, laughing now, now listening, the smile 
 tremulous on lid and lip. 
 
 The distant racket of Manners's flight died 
 away; again the silence filled with the low 
 murmur of the stream, and the girl came for- 
 \\anl and looked down into the \\aur. and 
 stood so, thoughtfully, her head bent, the 
 curve of her neck dazzling under the bronze 
 crown of silky hair. 
 
 Slim, distractingly pretty in her white tunic, 
 which fell in close folds below her knees, she 
 seemed absolutely without blemish there in 
 the warm, green-gold glow of the leaves. 
 
 Head, shoulders, arms, the straight young 
 limbs, all were of one exquisite and symmet- 
 rical cnscmhlc. pure, serene, flawless as the 
 marble out of which she might well have 
 steppol. so Greek, so perfect, so divine she 
 ied. 
 
 Then the spell broke; from the white doe- 
 skin pouch at her si<U- she slowly drew some- 
 thing flat and square, and pensively pressed it 
 to her delicate red lips. It was a ham sand- 
 wich. 
 
 Except for that anachronistic intrusion of 
 modern realism the abrupt transformation 
 
The .Ihscnt-Mindcd Goddess 141 
 
 from the celestial to the human Gray under- 
 stood that he would never have dared hope, 
 or speak of hope to himself, much less to his 
 divinity. 
 
 But the magic had faded into a more won- 
 derful and delightful actuality ; with a thrill 
 he beheld his pagan gddess rating a sand- 
 wich a wholesome, health-giving sandwich 
 constructed of home-made bread and the rose- 
 tinted residue of the domestic pig. From 
 Olympia she had come fluttering down to the 
 world, alighting daintily upon the same earth 
 that he inhabited. And, if it pleased her 
 divinity to set her small, white teeth in a ham 
 sandwich, perhaps perhaps, she might not 
 drive a living specimen of the human kind 
 from her with accurate arrows ! 
 
 l ; ir>t," lie said to himself, " I'll naively 
 di -rover my whereabouts through the music 
 of my fife. Then I'll admit that I'm a fellow- 
 victim of mythological obsession. And then 
 then we'll see 
 
 And, grasping his fife with determination, 
 and watching her askance through the leaves, 
 he produced a loud, shrill toot. 
 
 The effect upon the goddess was electrical. 
 For a second she sat absolutely motionless, 
 
142 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 stiffened to a statue, the half-bitten sanduuh 
 suspended in mid-air; then, as he blew hope- 
 fully into his fife, she sprang erect, incredu- 
 lous, astounded. 
 
 Gurgling tootles continued to proceed from 
 the fir thicket. Like a wild doe at gaze, >he 
 stared at the spot, string nothing. And all 
 the while Gray, laboring faithfully, elicit <<! 
 from the fife his version of " Rally Around the 
 Flag, Boys," and kept a furtive eye on her. 
 determined to seize his secreted suit case and 
 fly if his goddess approached him with ar- 
 rows instead of curiosity and <|u<-ti>nv 
 
 She was approaching now, on tiptoe, no 
 lessly, gracefully as a curious <lr\al, one fin- 
 ger classically raised and pressed flat across 
 her lips. 
 
 lu-t like a Greuze picture." thought 
 Gray, captivated; hut he continued to toot, 
 and his goddess continued to advance over 
 the moss with noiseless steps, bow in hainl 
 
 At length Gray realized with a dcli< 
 thrill that she stood close behind him look- 
 ing down at him over the low evergn < -n 
 hedge ; and his fingers danced madly over 
 the stops, and he puffed out his cheeks and 
 blew his whole love-smitten soul into the fife, 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 143 
 
 not knowing whether he was going to receive 
 a blunt arrow in the neck, or a civil greeting. 
 
 " In about a minute," he thought to him- 
 self, " I'll turn carelessly around and become 
 transfixed with wonder at seeing her there." 
 
 And in about a minute he did and so nat- 
 urally that the wonder and delight in his at- 
 tractive face were too real to doubt, and really 
 were absolutely genuine, so wholly beautiful 
 was the engaging and youthful face gazing 
 down at him over the hemlocks. 
 
 " What in the world are you doing in my 
 woods ? " she asked softly, the pretty aston- 
 ishment in her face deepening. 
 
 He stood up, fife in hand, the goatskin 
 falling classically over him from his shoul- 
 ders. 
 
 " The stupidity of civilization bores me," 
 he said, smiling. " I heard that you were 
 sensible enough to revert to the old simplic- 
 ity of the Golden Age, and you gave me the 
 courage to be myself. So I came into these 
 woods to listen to the stream and play on 
 my fife meaning no harm. Do you mind ? " 
 
 " N-no, I don't mind. Who are you?" 
 
 " I am an artist, Stephen Gray." 
 
 "An artist!" 
 
144 Some Luilics in 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 " Oh," she said, nodding IUT head, " I can 
 understand artists doing anything. And I 
 don't think I mind your coming into my 
 woods. . . . You you .are dressed like a 
 faun. Why 
 
 " I feel like one sometimes." lu >aid. un- 
 consciously touching the tips of his ears as 
 though to find out \vhether they had i;n>\\n 
 pointed and hairy. 
 
 " Do you ? Do you really feel pagan at 
 moment 
 
 "Very, Do yoi 
 
 "Every now and then I do periodically," 
 she admitted frankly. "And. ulu-n I <l>. I 
 come out into my own fresh, x \\ret \\oods, 
 and and I behave like the mischief, I >np 
 pose according to omvi nti.mal ideas. 
 Do you know my n,n 
 
 " I Hana." lie said very gently, and \\ith a 
 faint accent of caress. For the gray eyes into 
 which he looked were bewitching him. and 
 her voice was stealing his senses f r , , m him. 
 and the delicate lips, resting so sensitively 
 upon one another, were most eloquent \\hen 
 dumb, calling him, calling to him in the old- 
 est language in the world. 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 145 
 
 He, too, seemed to fascinate her with an in- 
 nocent curiosity. She stepped through the 
 aromatic evergreen barrier that separated 
 them and confronted him with clear, direct 
 gray eyes. 
 
 " Tell me," she said, " where did you hear 
 about me ? " 
 
 " In Lenox." 
 
 "Do you live there?" 
 
 " Near there." 
 
 "You have a studio?" 
 
 " Yes a sort of one." 
 
 "And and did you ever before see me?" 
 
 " Yes often ever since you were a child." 
 
 She was silent, gazing searchingly into his 
 eyes. Then she laughed : 
 
 " I think I like you. Shall I sit down?" 
 
 She seated herself with the unconscious 
 grace of a child ; he stood a moment ; then 
 she looked up confidently, and he dropped be- 
 side her on the thick, green moss. 
 
 " Isn't it delicious to escape from the com- 
 monplace ? " she asked frankly. " To escape 
 from noise, and ugliness, and the vulgarity of 
 ostentation into this? It is strange that the 
 remedy never occurred to me until this 
 spring. I was indolent, languid, mentally dis- 
 
146 Sonic /.(/<//r\ /;/ Iltistc 
 
 satisfied, and all I knew was that 1 was bored 
 with the world in which I had not figured very 
 
 long- 
 Then suddenly it occurred to me that I 
 had a right to escape. It was as though a 
 voice had abruptly awakened me from the 
 dull inertia of mere existence. A strong, 
 \\holi-soim-. overwhelming desire for freedom 
 seized me the desire for untrammeled free- 
 dom of soul and body the longing for 
 the freedom that wild things have, to range 
 the open unhindered; the determination t< 
 learn the meaning of libeit\ f mind in some 
 soft sylvan fastness which the world had over- 
 looked in its half-cra/ed crusade of destnu 
 ti"ii! . . . Does all this interest you?" 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 She looked up at him, smiled, and, balan- 
 cing the gilded bow across her knees, went 
 on thoughtfully : 
 
 44 The world, whose life mission seems to 
 consist in meddling with other people's pri- 
 vacy, held up its centipede arms in horror. 
 Gossip started like fire in dry grass; report- 
 ers came poking impudent noses into my 
 house and gardens; friends arrived in pro- 
 cession to remonstrate; busybodies even in- 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 147 
 
 duced my servants to follow me. But I 
 stopped that. And now, what do you suppose 
 happened ? " 
 
 "What?" asked Gray, wincing. 
 
 " Why, a perfectly horrid old doctor came 
 after me into these woods and pretended he 
 had made me do all this sort of thing! As 
 though it were not of my own mind and of 
 my own free will! And so I became vexed, 
 and I was rude enough to shoot some of my 
 arrows at him 
 
 She broke into a bewitching ripple of 
 laughter. " Oh," she said, " if you had only 
 seen him run! I I know it was horridly 
 rude of me unpardonable but I was so 
 so indignant." 
 
 He was laughing, too ; he tried not to, out 
 of some instinct of loyalty to the unfortunate 
 Manners, but the vision of Manners in head- 
 long flight came suddenly before his eyes, 
 and he leaned back against a beech tree and 
 laughed and laughed till the woods rang with 
 their gay duet. 
 
 " Oh," she said breathlessly, " you are per- 
 fectly delightful ! You seem to understand- 
 to be part of this free, unhampered, pagan life 
 I am leading. I am so glad you came into 
 11 
 
148 Some /.c/(//V\ /;/ Haste 
 
 it. Don't mind what I said about these 
 woods being mine; they are as free to \<m 
 as to me. Indeed, I love to see you in that 
 shaggy goatskin cloak and sandals, stretched 
 out on the moss like a laughing, mocking 
 faun. It was the one touch needed." 
 
 He laughed, then a shadow of perplex it \ 
 gathered on his brow. 
 
 " One thing," he said : " I I think it's jolly 
 good fun to live this way from time to time 
 far more fun than motoring or golfing or 
 driving or polo but but I don't exactly sec 
 how you keep it up." 
 
 " Keep what up ? " she asked, puzzled. 
 
 l< The ah the whole business. H-how do 
 you find anything to eat out here ? M 
 
 She Unshed " I'll have to confess," she 
 said, "that I've orderol my servants to leave 
 the pantry \\in<!<u unlocked. And, in the 
 moonlight, I go stealing down through the 
 meadow when everybody is abed, and I climb 
 into the pantry window and take everything 
 I \\ant." And. as he looked at her in blank 
 amazement : " It's such fun." she pleaded. 
 " I I know it isn't very classical a goddess 
 climbing into a pantry window but I tried 
 so hard to live on berries and nuts and things, 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 149 
 
 and the berries were unsatisfactory when they 
 were not green, and the nuts were last year's 
 and moldy ' 
 
 " Your bow and arrow," he hinted severely. 
 
 " Why why, you didn't think I could ever 
 have the cruelty to kill anything, did you ? " 
 she asked. 
 
 " Don't you chase the deer?" 
 
 " Oh, yes, I run after the big, fat things, 
 and shoot my blunt arrows at them, but I 
 never hit them, and it wouldn't hurt them if 
 I did." 
 
 He raised himself from the moss and sat 
 erect, crosslegged, and she did the same, con- 
 fronting him. 
 
 44 How often do you do this sort of thing? " 
 he asked. 
 
 "What sort of thing?" 
 
 " Behave like a goddess ! " 
 
 " About twice or three times a month," she 
 said frankly. 
 
 "And the remainder of the time?" 
 
 " Oh, I go about teas, lawn parties, driv- 
 ing the usual, my shepherd friend. And I 
 don't mind it now; in fact, I rather like it for 
 a change. But it is always delicious to get 
 back into my white hunting dress, and throw 
 
150 Sonic I. culics in Haste 
 
 m\>elf. wide armed, into the heart of the 
 Is. . . . Tell me about your pictures! 
 May I see them some da\ : 
 
 " They are not very good pictures," he 
 
 Her red mouth -ivu M-iiMtive and pitiful. 
 "Don't people care for \>ur work?" 
 
 "No, 1 think not" 
 
 11 Well, / do!" -he exclaimed " I kn,.u 
 I'll like your pictures. 1 am perfectly sure 
 1 \\ill. And I'll tell everybody c 
 that they are i^ood ! And then they'll begin 
 
 tO Sell 
 
 "They're beginning to sell now." he said, 
 \\incing. " A friend of mine bought thirty 
 the other da\. and -..me other friends of mine 
 heard of it and they have ordered sevi 
 and that means a scramble by the pubh 
 an\ thing I do. I it i>n't fear of po\ 
 that worries me any longer ; it's it's - ' 
 
 " What ' " she asked, raising her gray eyes. 
 
 " Fear of \on ! 
 
 " Of tin ! " And her eyes were very sweet 
 and friendly, and very wide with surprise. 
 
 ' Listen." he said. " Is it true that here, 
 in this woodland, you have found freedom of 
 thought as well as of body ? " 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 151 
 
 " Yes, indeed." 
 
 " Do you think I also might dare to rise 
 above the petty artificiality of convention and 
 feel my heart and soul enfranchised, here 
 under the green trees of your forest ? " 
 
 " Y-yes. Why not ? You have been wise 
 enough to come. Why should you feel fet- 
 tered in thought, here beside me in the 
 forest?" 
 
 " Because I came here here " He fal- 
 tered; she looked at him steadily. 
 
 " I am listening," she said. " Are you 
 afraid to speak freely to me ? " 
 
 " Yes. But I am going to. It is this : I 
 I came here because you were here be- 
 cause, for years, since you were a child, I 
 have seen you every summer here. And from 
 the first I never, never forgot you." 
 
 She spoke coolly, but with heightened 
 color : " I knew you by sight. I knew also 
 that you had heard I was here. You told me. 
 But you didn't come to see me ; you came, 
 moved by the same desire for that simple, 
 pagan happiness that inspired me to come. 
 . . . Didn't you?" 
 
 " No." 
 
 " Y-you didn't come out of of mere curi- 
 
152 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 osity!" she stammered, the painful o 
 Maining her face and neck. " You didn't <!<> 
 that did you? 
 
 " \o." 
 
 "\V-well, then well, then" But lu r 
 voice refused to obey her, and she sat there 
 with beautiful eyes dilated, staring at him 
 fascinated. 
 
 " Before I tell you once more and unini^ 
 takably why I cairn-." lu- >aid ^ravrlx. " I 
 must be absolutely honest with you coiumi 
 ing niysdf." 
 
 " Have you not been?" 
 
 I'artK. But I cannot endure that even 
 tlu faintest shadow of evasion or deceit fall 
 
 iH'tUCitl Uv" 
 
 " No, it nni-t n<>t." -lir said calmly. " '\\-\\ 
 me what there is to trll." 
 
 "This: that three months ago I was a 
 commonplace, rather clever business man 
 My business was about the most degraded of 
 any you ever heard of " 
 
 "1 won't believe it!" she said, paling a 
 trifle. 
 
 You must. I I my business consisted 
 in defacing city, suburb, and country with 
 signs * 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 153 
 
 "Oh!" she breathed, "don't don't tell 
 me She stretched out both white arms as 
 though to thrust away the dreadful knowl- 
 edge; but he set his jaw and went on 
 grimly : 
 
 " That was what I did ; that is what I was. 
 I abhor it; I look back on that life with a 
 shudder. But, if I am to tell you what I 
 have come into these woods to tell you, I 
 must go on. ... Shall I go on ? " 
 
 The distress in her eyes almost unnerved 
 him for the confession he must make ; he 
 could scarcely endure to paint himself in such 
 somber and hideous colors for her to see him 
 as he was. 
 
 " Shall I go on ? " he asked with an effort. 
 " I came here to tell you something but I 
 must first make clean confession if I am 
 to say anything else. Shall I go on ... 
 Diana?" 
 
 " Y-yes," she breathed in a scarcely audi- 
 ble voice. 
 
 " Then listen. A man I knew, a friend, 
 endowed with strange and capable powers of 
 mental suggestion, seeing the sort of thing I 
 was, took it upon himself to treat me for all 
 those qualities I lacked." 
 
154 Some l.udics in Haste 
 
 Yes," she whispered, yes. Oh, go on! 
 Please go on ! 
 
 " That is all," he said slowly. " He did 
 treat me, although I was not aware of it at 
 the time. I began to loathe my business : I 
 began to live only for art. My business unit 
 to smash; I couldn't sell my pictures. Now 
 I sec that I am to sell tlu-in ; I see ahead "f 
 me success, affluence, happiness." 
 
 ' " she whispered. " I see it, too." 
 
 It is for you to prophesy." he said, look- 
 ing at her ; " for you alone can decide." 
 I Decide- 
 
 " Whether happiness is to be added to suc- 
 cess and aftluen 
 
 " H0W- hou could I d. She looked 
 
 suddenly straight into his eyes, thru |pfl 
 to her feet and walked to the brook's e 
 And after a long while she seated herself on 
 a moss-grown bowlder, her elbow on IHT 
 knee, soft, round chin cupped in her palm, 
 staring absently across the stream. 
 
 He stood erect, watching his absent-minded 
 goddess, his heart beating like a hammer. A 
 wild idea that recourse to his fife might help 
 matters was dismissed as hopeless, because all 
 he could play was " Rally Around the I 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 155 
 
 and a mellifluously minor love song was what 
 this crisis required. 
 
 " Diana ! " 
 
 " Yes ? " she responded absently. 
 
 " May do you mind if I come over where 
 you are ? " 
 
 " N-no." 
 
 He walked across the moss and pebbled 
 shore, and stood beside her, looking down at 
 her. 
 
 "Diana?" 
 
 She raised her eyes without apparent in- 
 terest. 
 
 " Do you despise me for what I once 
 was ? " he asked, his voice not under good 
 control. 
 
 " No," she said indifferently. 
 
 " Then then as long as I have con- 
 fessed, may I go on ? " 
 
 " Was there more to say ? " she asked 
 coldly. 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 "To me?" 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 "Why to me?" 
 
 " Because I Her sudden pallor checked 
 him. She rose abruptly, stared around her 
 
156 Some l.udics in Haste 
 
 like a pnson suddenly and unpleasantly 
 awakened, then, without looking at him, she 
 walked swiftly away into the forest, head low- 
 ered, the gilded bow swinging from one small 
 hand. 
 
 And Gray hurried back to where he had 
 hidden his valise, seized it, and started after 
 lu-r. But to his despair she had disappeared 
 amid the trees gone, vanished utterly; and, 
 valise in hand, he began running distractedly 
 about, and finally called to her in a low voice, 
 thru louder and persistently, his voice un 
 steady with the terror of losing her. 
 
 To and fro among the trees he hurried, up 
 hillocks, down into moist, fragrant glades 
 full of the late red sunshine of departing day, 
 ha-tciiiug blindly forward, \et. like those lost 
 iu forests, unconsciously drawn into the in- 
 evitable circle. 
 
 The sun had gone out in the woods; here 
 and there a high-crested pine glowed ruddy 
 against the >ky ; but soon the la^t rays faded 
 from the top branches of the tallest forest 
 giant, and the purple transparent evening 
 li^ht fell over the world like a spell. 
 
 He had been lost for some time, and he 
 knew it. And at last, just on the edge of 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 157 
 
 evening, he came out in a tiny clearing where 
 the brook ran through ; and he saw her lean- 
 ing there against a silver beech tree, looking 
 silently at him. 
 
 He halted, scarcely believing his eyes; she 
 neither spoke nor stirred, and after a moment 
 he started toward her, calling her by name. 
 But she made no reply. 
 
 He came up and stood before her; she 
 <li<l not move, nor did she answer when he 
 spoke again; only her beautiful gray eyes 
 watched him under the dark-fringed lids; 
 only the rose color came tinting her face, 
 faint as the afterglow above them in the 
 sky. 
 
 " I had only one more thing to say," he 
 stammered, " when you left me so suddenly. 
 I've looked for you such a long time every- 
 where 
 
 " I saw you," she said. 
 
 " You saw me all the while ? You heard 
 me call you ? " 
 
 " Yes. Why should I answer your call ? 
 Why should I follow you ? " 
 
 " Not not if you do not desire to," he 
 said slowly. 
 
 " One may answer without speaking," she 
 
158 Some l.udics in Haste 
 
 said unsteadily. " I am IKTI-. I> that n-not 
 my ansu 
 
 And as he stood silent : 
 
 "Do you suppose you could ever lia\< 
 found me if I had not not permitted 
 
 lie bent forward, striving to read her face 
 in the dusk ; her eyelids trembled slightly. 
 
 " Diana ! ' 
 
 "Yes," she whispered; and, as he faltered, 
 tongue-tied and abashed: 
 
 'Time is rushing like the wind through 
 legends," she murmured. "Can you >tp it 
 can you do anything for for us? This is 
 all wrong all wrong like the loves of the 
 old-time gods MM-cpni- \<n and me to- 
 gether. . . . Let me cling to my tree \\hile it 
 lasts while the whirl of the vision lasts 
 
 *' Diana my darling ! " 
 
 "I could have escaped,'* she \\ln-p 
 "hut but I Uloued- 
 
 " Diana 1 
 
 " A goddess seldom follows a man. But 
 b-but when she does " 
 
 He bent swiftly and caught her hands in 
 his ; but she freed them and clung desperately 
 to her tree. 
 
 " But when she docs" she breathed un- 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 159 
 
 steadily, " it is because she she can't help 
 it." 
 
 " Diana, Diana ! " he whispered ; " I have 
 loved you so many years so many years 
 
 " And I you years and years in a single 
 hour pagan shameless pagan that I am ! 
 Oh, you don't know you don't know but 
 I know I was made for this fashioned for 
 this swift wooing this woodland embrace 
 here breathless in your arras my own sym- 
 bol, the moon, above us. . . . This moment 
 cannot last this twilight madness in your 
 arms. Dearest, release me! Have I not told 
 you I loved you? Have I not oh-h! not 
 my lips not yet ! " 
 
 But he had his way, until at last it became 
 her way also; and the moon watched them, 
 silvering their bodies with her living celestial 
 beauty. 
 
 " In a week," he insisted. 
 
 " A a month," she pleaded tremulously. 
 " I am dazed." 
 
 Arm encircling her slim waist, he halted on 
 the hill's grassy crest. 
 
 " No, not even a week," he said. " To- 
 morrow ! Will you ? " 
 
160 Sonic I.uJics in Haste 
 
 - Dear!* 1 
 
 To-morrow. Will. you?" 
 
 Y-yes," she sighed adorably. " I wish it, 
 too. Oh, why why must you go?" 
 
 44 I I'm not accustomed to this ah cos- 
 tume " looking down at his pink tights. 
 " Fact is, my darling, that I'm a tntU 
 cold " 
 
 44 Oh," she cried, in alarm, " put on your 
 hat at once! 
 
 It's a horribly inartistic combination 
 derby hat with what I'm wearing," he pro- 
 tested. 
 
 44 Put it on ! " she insisted ; and he did. She 
 must have been very deeply in love to have 
 endured the ensemble. 
 
 For a while they lingered there in the 
 moonlight, looking off over the valley. 1 In- 
 house stood down there among the ti 
 they omld see one dimly lighted window. 
 
 14 The pantry," she said softly. " Shall we 
 (limb in? " 
 
 Do you think " 
 
 "Certainly!" she cried, enchanted. "It 
 will be the most delicious supper in the 
 world ! Take hold of my hand, quick ! Are 
 \'ii ival\ ' " 
 
The Absent-Minded Goddess 161 
 
 " Ready," he said. 
 
 And away they raced together down the 
 hill, he in his pink silk tights, clutching his 
 suitcase, the derby hat crammed firmly over 
 his ears. 
 
 And in this fashion was the flight of 
 Stephen Gray and his absent-minded goddess 
 into the divine splendors of Olympus. 
 
CHAPTER VII 
 
 A LADY IN HASTE 
 
 |O you mean to say that 
 \"u actually effectr.l this 
 radical transformation in 
 me through mental persua- 
 
 a-krtl Krlly Jones, 
 with misleading mildness. 
 
 He was sitting on the edge of the bed in 
 Manners's room at the Lenox Club, hi- -tia\\ 
 hat on the hack of his head, his walking 
 Mirk balanced vertically between flattened 
 palms. From time to time he spun it on its 
 U-rrule. 
 
 162 
 
A Lady in Haste 163 
 
 Manners screwed his monocle into his left 
 eye and smiled benignly upon Jones. The 
 monocle fell out ; he replaced it and waved 
 his hand as though modestly disclaiming 
 credit for the regeneration of Jones. 
 
 " Dear friend," he said in a deprecating 
 voice, " while perhaps a vainer man than I 
 might claim, with reason, some little credit 
 for this happy and ah unexpected moral 
 development in your character " 
 
 " So you did do it," mused Jones very 
 calmly. " Gray and Kelvin and Todd noticed 
 how I was acting at a house party the other 
 day ; and they all seemed to think it was their 
 duty to inform me that you are responsible 
 for the sort of citizen I've turned into during 
 the last three months." 
 
 " It's very kind of them," replied Manners, 
 with a modest cough. " I ah was fortu- 
 nate enough to be of some slight service 
 to these gentlemen using on them the 
 science of mental persuasion which I have 
 also employed with such happy effect upon 
 you " 
 
 " Oh ! So you did deliberately employ 
 mental influence on me? They said you did. 
 I couldn't believe it " 
 12 
 
164 Sonie Ladies in Haste 
 
 Manners beamed with pride and affection 
 on the cool but now slightly trembling Jones. 
 1 did, dear friend; yet I shrink from 
 claiming the entire credit, because, at hiM. 1 
 had no real belief in my power and al>ilit\ t> 
 influence and alter other people's characters 
 and natures for the better. It was merely 
 out of curiosity just to see whether anything 
 could possibly be done to make you less ob- 
 jectionable than \<>u were that I concen- 
 trated my mind n \\hat at that time served 
 you for an intellect. And I gave you the 
 most powerful mental treatment I was capa- 
 ble of giving. And then, slowly, gradual! >. 
 but perceptibly 
 
 What happened? " asked Jones, in a voice 
 audibly unste. 
 
 " Why, you began to behave so strangely 
 so so decently 
 
 41 Oh, I did, did I ? " his voice ending in a 
 partly developed snarl. " Well, what sort t 
 a creature do you think you've turned m< 
 into you infernal and outrageous meddler? 
 What, in the name of ten thousand idiots, did 
 you want to interfere for? And I don't know 
 now whether to let you live any longer or 
 not, or whether to give you a chance of un- 
 
A Lady in Haste 165 
 
 doing what you've done to me. Personally, 
 I prefer to destroy you ! " 
 
 Stiffened to a human gargoyle in his 
 amazement and grief, Manners gazed at his 
 victim with protruding eyes. 
 
 " D-don't you l-like what I've t-turned you 
 into ? " he gasped at last. 
 
 Jones merely barked at him. 
 
 " B-b-but you were such an offensive little 
 snob ! " stammered Manners. " Why, Jones, 
 don't you remember what an arrogant, in- 
 flated ass you were? A narrow-minded nin- 
 compoop ! a conceited worshiper of caste 
 and fashion, toddling about town from func- 
 tion to function, lisping small talk, making 
 love to millions, and leading inane cotillons? 
 Can you blame me for trying to inject into 
 you a vigorous dose of manly democracy an 
 unslaked passion for social equality and hu- 
 man brotherhood?" 
 
 " I may have been everything you say," 
 retorted Jones, turning livid to the ears, " but 
 it was none of your business, William. Do 
 you know what you've turned me into? Do 
 you realize what I'm doing now? I'm drift- 
 ing headlong upon the rocks of moral and 
 social disaster! I'm driving toward social ex- 
 
166 Sonic I.mlics in Haste 
 
 tremes which appall even my own servants! 
 I'm misbehaving most horridly, William! 1 
 was put out of Tuxedo." 
 
 " \\-uln ?" faltered Manners. 
 
 " 1 <r watting kisses at my hostess's French 
 maid! " snapped Jones. " And no sooner did 
 I find myself in town again than I sci/cd the 
 opportunity to issue invitations for a big din- 
 ner to introduce our second parlor maid to 
 society. Nobody came, ami I understand 
 everybody in town, including the parlor maid. 
 thinks Fm ^"in- era/y. That's what you've 
 done for me with your social equality and 
 universal brotherhood ' " 
 
 Manners sat stunned, staring at Jones, who 
 glared back, nervously clinching and un- 
 clinching his hand. 
 
 "Then." continued Jones, "although I 
 seemed to realize it \\as not usual, I invited 
 our colored furnaceman, the local policeman, 
 and some very honest and efficient members 
 of the municipal stnrt-cleaning service to 
 meet our butler and the housemaids socially 
 at a pink tea. Fortunatel\ . my parents are 
 at T.ar Harbor for it was a dreadful scene, 
 William they drew the color line at the 
 furnaceman, vioh-nth. and many things were 
 
A Lady in Haste 167 
 
 broken in the drawing-rooms. And now what 
 I am afraid of is that, in a moment of so- 
 cialistic enthusiasm, I might inadvertently 
 lead our estimable and cleanly cook to the 
 altar, unless you do something at once to 
 check my mania for social equality." 
 
 " Your cook I " shouted Manners, leaping to 
 his feet. 
 
 " Yes," said Jones firmly. " She is very 
 honest and clean and sober, and she makes 
 wonderful entrees 
 
 " Jones. You are crazy ! " 
 
 " Maybe I am," retorted Jones wrathfully, 
 " but you made me. Now, what I want to 
 know is, whether \Mifre going to do some- 
 thing for me before I satisfy my raging so- 
 cial appetite for a permanent life below stairs? 
 I tell you, I'm perfectly possessed to marry 
 my own cook or somebody else's. Confound 
 it, William, I'll do it this very afternoon if 
 you don't look out ! I'm liable to do it at any 
 moment, I tell you 
 
 " N-now ? " stammered Manners aghast 
 " Now ? You don't mean note', do you, Kelly ; 
 you wouldn't approach your cook with s-s- 
 such intentions to-day, would you, Jonesey, 
 old friend?" 
 
i68 Some I.mlics in Haste 
 
 14 iTa-as, I \\ouhl." growled Jones. " Do 
 you know what I've been doing thi> morn- 
 ing? Well, I've been washing off our side- 
 walk and exchanging sociable banter with my 
 neighbors' scullions. I invited a trolley grip 
 man to lunch with me at the Stuyvesant Club, 
 hut he couldn't leave his Hroaduav car; I 
 wrote my sister's friend. Mrs. Ma-iulm^ 
 Grandcourt, asking her to propose our laun 
 dress for the woman's new Commonwealth 
 Club." 
 
 " Jones ' 
 
 - What 
 
 " \V-wait a moment; wait until I can g 
 between \ mi and the door." said Man 
 soothingly. edging around liN friend. 
 
 Jones swung about in his chair. 
 
 " Are \ >u - ing to lock me in ? " he asl 
 
 u'd hetter not, heratiM- I want to go 
 home and see how the cook is getting on. 
 I've arranged to have her take piano lessons. 
 She didn't MTIH to \\;mt to. but I engaged a 
 teacher for three o'clock." 
 
 Manne ig in terror 
 
 as he backed toward the door. " Th-that's 
 all right, Jones," he managed to say. " I'll 
 fix it up for you I'll g-go out and fix it some 
 
A Lady in Haste 169 
 
 way or other. Only you stay here, Jones 
 won't you ? Listen, Jones ; you wouldn't 
 sneak out as soon as I'm gone and make 
 straight for that c-cook and m-m-marry her 
 would you, Jonesey ? " 
 
 " I don't know," said Jones gloomily. " I 
 know I ought not to, but I'm likely to do 
 almost anything in the culinary line. I tell 
 you, I've got a perfect mania for an alliance 
 below stairs, the farthest downstairs the bet- 
 ter!" 
 
 " W-well, you wait. If you feel that way 
 if you've g-got to m-m-marry somebody 
 within the next few hours, I'll try to do some- 
 thing suitable for you 
 
 " What are you going to do? I refuse to 
 marry any suitable girl. How are you going 
 to arrange that for me ? " 
 
 " I don't know ; just give me a a moment 
 to think it out." 
 
 "Well, hurry, then," said Jones. "That 
 cook makes good entrees, and I'd be perfectly 
 willing to marry her and pass my examina- 
 tions for policeman." 
 
 " Will you wait here for me until I come 
 back ? " pleaded Manners, mopping the start- 
 ing perspiration from his cold brow. 
 
1 70 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 " Yes if you think you can do anything 
 for me. I'll give you half an hour, and not 
 
 another minute 1 
 
 " You promise, Jones? Will you give me 
 an hour? two I mean three hours? \Yill 
 you?" 
 
 Yes yes," with reluctance; "but nt 
 another second. I want to go back to tin- 
 cook. I tell you that cook is a perfectly good 
 cook and I don't mind being a policeman 
 for her sake- 
 Manners slammed the door, sped to Un- 
 cloak room, seized hat, gloves, and \\al kin- 
 stick, and ran out into the sunny streets of 
 the metropolis, his head in a whirl. 
 
 His fir-t intention had been to rush <li- 
 tractedly to some physician, confess the per- 
 ilous situation of Jones, and frantirally beg 
 medical assistance to wean Jones from his ob- 
 session with a strait-jacket. 
 
 Then it occurred to him that his own san- 
 ity would instantly be under suspicion, and 
 that, if they detained him indefinitely for n 
 ical examination, Jones would consider him- 
 self free to continue his headlong prou 
 kitchenward. And he had but three hours 
 before him. 
 
A Lady in Haste 171 
 
 What in the world could he do? He 
 stopped short in full career up Fifth Av- 
 enue, and stared vacantly about. What was 
 there to do? Time was beating it around 
 the world; every double tick of his watch 
 seemed to repeat the warning : " Quick - 
 quick ! Quick quick ! " Even the minute- 
 hand pointed to twenty-three ; and, in the dis- 
 tant siren of a motor car, he seemed to hear 
 the ominous wail, Skidoo oo oo! 
 
 Whatever he was to accomplish must be 
 executed with dispatch. He had only three 
 hours! three hours between Jones and a 
 declaration to the cook! And in his excite- 
 ment he began galloping uptown as though 
 driven by Furies. 
 
 It is said by some that the motion of the 
 legs incites thought, although the brain is not 
 always in the feet. And, as Manners ran, a 
 grotesquely forlorn idea took shape that 
 some amiable and attractive girl of his ac- 
 quaintance, if all the deadly and imminent 
 facts of Jones's peril were laid before her, 
 might, out of a noble impulse of pity, consent 
 to inspect Jones with a view to matrimony. 
 For what Jones required was a lady in haste. 
 
 But everybody feminine and possible was 
 
172 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 out of town; he drove madly in a hansom 
 from house to house, only to be confronted 
 with boarded doors and windows and lowered 
 shades displaying the round, particolored disk 
 of a burglar-insurance company. 
 
 For an hour he scoured the districts where 
 some stray girl of his acquaintance might still 
 chance to linger in town. It was useless ; 
 Fashion had fled the city long since t- 
 turn to a hotel for a day, perhaps, in transit 
 from one watering place to another frnn 
 seaside to mountain, and vice versa but not 
 to reopen the big, closed houses in the resi- 
 dential district. 
 
 Ami MM\N. as he sat in his cab, baffled. 
 IM.IUM. (K-sprratr. he loikel longingly at the 
 prettx u>imn passing <linltlrss in town for 
 a clay's shopping. And. hoping that among 
 them might appear >. me \\oman he kncu. In- 
 sat for another hour, his cab drawn up al> n - 
 the curb, anxiously scanning the pa 
 
 If Jones had only given him three days in- 
 stead of three hours he might have advert 
 in the papers: "Wanted! a la<ly in ha~ 
 and stood a fair chance of capturing some- 
 thing available for Jones in a town where 
 am thing can be had by advertising. 
 
A Lady in Haste 173 
 
 " If somebody I know doesn't appear pretty 
 soon," he muttered excitedly to himself, " I've 
 a notion to pick out the prettiest girl I can 
 find and tell her the whole harrowing situa- 
 tion, and beg her to take a look at Jones, 
 object matrimony. . . . The most she could 
 do would be to call a policeman ; but Heaven 
 knows my intentions! Heaven knows them 
 to be pure as an unborn kitten's 
 
 " The thing to do," he said, as the sug- 
 gestion grew and took hold of him more 
 firmly * The tiling to do, at any cost, is to 
 save Jones from that cook ! He mustn't wed 
 her! I I won't let him I can't! " 
 
 Dark thoughts swarmed about him ; dread- 
 ful dreams, unbidden, came crowding upon 
 him. 
 
 " No no! " he nuitu-ml, appalled; " I can- 
 not do that, even for Jones. I cannot marry 
 her to save my friend ! There must be some 
 way there must remain some other solution 
 of this hideous problem ! " 
 
 He leaned from his hansom, staring stonily 
 out at the passers-by. 
 
 " If only I could see a human girl who 
 looks as though she wouldn't call a police- 
 man ! If only in this passing throng, so self- 
 
174 Some Lmlics in Haste 
 
 ishly absorbed in its own petty coneern-. I 
 could see one kind, mild. nl>le face one 
 lofty countenance capable of understanding, 
 of pity, of sublimely generous impnUe 
 His muttering ceased abruptly, his astonished 
 eyes became fixed; then the bright Hush of 
 shame mantled his features. 
 
 A '\omij4 g\r\ in a dainty Mark Mimtner 
 walking gown was advancing leisim -1\ along 
 the avenue, glancing severely and fearlessly 
 about her out of a pair of umiMialh intelli- 
 gent eyes. Under one arm she carried a 
 packet. 
 
 "By Jove!" muttered Manner-; "another 
 of my experiment- ' 
 
 For instantly he had ree- m that 
 
 graceful, slender figure and pn-m. al- 
 face another of his subject* <>ne .f the 
 five unknown and attractive j^irU \\lnnn he 
 had observed from the Lenox C'lub window 
 that fatal afternoon three months or more 
 ago, and on whom, in his idle perversity, he 
 had experimented treating -a-h mentally. 
 for whatever, in his presumptuous opinion, 
 each seemed to lack in chara 
 
 As soon as he recognized her he n -in- 
 hered what he had treated her for. He had 
 
A Lady in Haste 175 
 
 projected toward her an emergency dose of 
 unworldly generosity to correct the sensu- 
 ously selfish modeling of the chin, and the 
 cold, thin, calculating expression of the lips. 
 " What you need," he had suggested vindic- 
 tively, " is to learn to do your own house- 
 work and cooking! Think less about your- 
 self; give up your horses and use the feet 
 Heaven gave you ! Let your greatest luxury 
 be tin- yu-lding to generous impulse! Go and 
 revel in emotions, and smile and sigh with the 
 great out-\\<>rl<l ! " 
 
 And evrr\ tiling that he had willed for her 
 came back to him now the scene itself, that 
 fresh, sunny April afternoon, himself at the 
 club window, and she, pale, indifferent, over- 
 dressed, glancing out upon the young world 
 so disdainfully from the comfortable cushions 
 of her smartly appointed carriage. 
 
 And now here she was, afoot this time, 
 sauntering democratically up Fifth Avenue in 
 midsummer, her beautiful dark eyes looking 
 out on the dusty world, and with a new and 
 pensive intelligence. And Manners noticed 
 that her chin and the thin, coldly selfish lips 
 had now grown full and sensitive and deli- 
 cately rounded. 
 
176 Sonic I. tulles in lie 
 
 As she passed she glanced up at Mam 
 considered him for a second, then her gaze 
 quietly shiftrd elsewhere, ami >lu- gassed on 
 her \\ay along the sunny avenue, composed, 
 unconscious that behind her an excited indi- 
 vidual. \\ raring a monocle, was hurriedly set- 
 tling obligations with his cabman. determined 
 to pursue her and persuade her to overlook 
 informality and li-ten to the str. -tory 
 
 that a young girl had ever dreamed of in the 
 metropolis of Manhattan. 
 
 As he hastened alter her he dre\\ out his 
 \\ateh and glanced at it. He had half an 
 hour tweiiu minuh- to j.iiMiade her; ten 
 minutes to get back to Jon< 
 
 r a m.nnent his d iiled in full 
 
 nali/ation of the almost hopeless situation. 
 Uiit the ver\ sh.H k of it seemed to nerve him 
 IO desperation; the i^irl was walking ju-t 
 ahead of him. and he took t\\o jniek sti 
 foruanl and removed his hat with tri"r \\rit- 
 ten on every feature. 
 
 " D-don't run! " ho said hoarseh ; " there's 
 no dan-. 
 
 So alarming was the countenance she 
 turned to look into that she involuntarily 
 halted, alert and startled. 
 
A Lady in Haste 177 
 
 " D-don't stop, for Heaven's sake ! " stam- 
 mered Manners, replacing his hat " Keep 
 straight on, please! I only want a lady in 
 haste- 
 
 " What is the matter?" she murmured, 
 paling a trifle, but hastily moving forward 
 again. "Is anything dreadful behind me?" 
 
 " No, only I. Don't call a policeman 
 don't cross the street to avoid me. I I don't 
 mean to be offensive, but I've simply got to 
 tell you something- 
 She halted instinctively, a wave of aston- 
 ished displeasure crimsoning her pretty face. 
 
 " Oh ! " he cried in an agonized voice ; 
 " don't do that ! Don't look at me as though 
 you thought me impertinent." 
 
 "You are\" she said under her breath, 
 moving swiftly forward to avoid him at the 
 same time. 
 
 " N-no, I'm not ! Look at me ! Do I look 
 impertinent? I only look half scared out of 
 my senses, don't I?" he pleaded, keeping 
 step with her. " Can't you tell when a man 
 is in desperate need of help? " 
 
 She slackened her pace; her flushed and 
 averted face slowly turned part way toward 
 him. 
 
178 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 "Are you asking for chanty'?" she de- 
 manded incredulously. 
 
 " N-not that sort of help." he explained, as 
 lur hand mechanically sought her purse, 
 while the dark, disdainful eyes looked him 
 steadily in the face. 
 
 \\luit is it you wish?" she insisted impa- 
 tiently. 
 
 " A lady just a plain, ordinary lady and 
 
 and a few moments' conversation with \m. 
 
 /V;/'/ mistake me! Don't condemn me the 
 
 \"U you are doing! I I'm in a per- 
 
 iVetly ghastly predicament, and I nerd lu-lp." 
 
 ' \\!:. t - 
 
 " A predicament. Please, />/. icve 
 
 that only sheerest desperation drove me to 
 this unconventional step. I'm a perfectly de- 
 o nt man if there was time I'd ask you to 
 look me up in the Blue Book and Social Reg- 
 ister but there isn't. I I've only half an 
 hour to make my appeal to you and get back 
 to Jones before he succumbs to his cook 
 
 "Jones!" she repeated, astoni>hed ; M hil 
 cook\ 
 
 Y yet. He's the man who is in this ter- 
 rible predicament 
 
 You said that you were!" 
 
A Lady in Haste 179 
 
 " So I am not as badly in as Jones ! Oh, 
 help us help us, please 
 
 " Who is Jones ? " she asked, utterly per- 
 plexed. 
 
 " K-K-Kelly Jones a f-friend of mine. 
 P-perhaps you know him ! " 
 
 " Did you say Kelly Jones ? " 
 
 " Yes. He's in the Blue Book, too, but 
 IK- won't be very long unless you do some- 
 thing about it ! " 
 
 " I ? " she repeated, helplessly bewildered. 
 Then a sudden glimmer of fear grew in her 
 dark eyes. Manners saw it growing. He had 
 expected it. 
 
 " You think I'm biting crazy?" he said 
 sadly; " don't you?" 
 
 She flushed painfully, but the strange little 
 glimmer died out. 
 
 " What do you mean ? " she asked, looking 
 at him in impatient perplexity. " If you 
 really believe that anything justifies your 
 speaking to me in this manner, please explain 
 it as briefly as possible. You spoke just now 
 in behalf of a Mr. Jones Kelly Jones. What 
 has happened to this Mr. Jones ? " 
 
 " Do you know him ? " asked Manners 
 eagerly. " He's in most hor-r-r-rible danger ! 
 13 
 
180 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 You alone can aid him! Do you know 
 him?" 
 
 "You say he is in danger?" she a- 
 with a little quaver in her voice. 
 
 " Ter-r-r-rible ! " he insisted anxiou>l\ 
 " Do you know him? " 
 
 I was once at boarding school with a sis- 
 ter of a Mr. Kelly Jones Kelly De Lan 
 Jones and I believe he came down to Fern- 
 dale once or twice. He probably wouldn't 
 remember me She broke off, surprised at 
 the evident delight breaking out on Man 
 ners's face innocent, guileless delight; and 
 even she recogni/ed the naive harmlessness 
 of the joy now illuminating the features of 
 Mr. Manners until they fairly exuded a sort 
 of unctuous benevolcnre. 
 
 " The gods/* he said brokenly. " are oc- 
 casionally good to the Irish My grandfather 
 came from Roscommon, and my name is 
 William Manner " 
 
 " Are you that amazing man ! " she ex- 
 claimed in dismay, shrinking back a pace. 
 " Are you the the Mr. Manners the one 
 who who changes people into 
 
 " Which victim of mine do you know?" he 
 asked calmly. "Kelvin? Gray? Todd 
 
A Lady in Haste 181 
 
 " Mrs. Todd," she admitted, her beautiful 
 dark eyes reflecting her astonishment and 
 curiosity. 
 
 "Oh!" he said bitterly. "So you know 
 what I was idiot enough to do to the Todds ? 
 Well, what I did to the Todds and Grays and 
 Kelvins isn't a circumstance to what I've 
 managed to do to Kelly Jones and y He 
 bit the pronoun off short on the very instant 
 of self-betrayal. 
 
 "\V-\\hut have you done?" she breathed 
 excitedly, " and why do you speak so bitterly 
 about it? It it is certainly a terrible and 
 fearful power you have and yet and yet 
 you have made Mr. and Mrs. Todd very, very 
 happy." 
 
 " That may be," he muttered ; " but you 
 don't know what I've been through. By 
 Jove! When I think of the agony I've en- 
 dured! And now I'm distracted over Kelly 
 Jones- 
 
 " Is is Mr. Jones i^hat did you do to Mr. 
 Jones?" she ventured. 
 
 " I injected a lot of imbecile ideas into him ! 
 I dosed him full of democracy ! I figuratively 
 turned a mental hose on him and soaked 
 him all over with the milk of human brother- 
 
182 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 hood! He was a snob, and I hurled waves 
 of social equality at him ! \Yhat an ass I 
 was ! " And Manners fairly writhed as he 
 walked. 
 
 " But but was not that rather helpful to 
 Mr. Jones?" she asked, intensely interested. 
 
 " Helpful! Do you know \\hat he's trying 
 to accomplish ? " 
 
 * \\ uhat?" 
 
 " M ' With his family cook!" 
 
 -he Slid faintly. "" Wh> 
 
 " Because I didn't kn<\\ ho\\ to \\ork those 
 \\a\< .mrd Manner-; " an.l because I 
 
 don't kno\\ how to stop 'em! Now he's so 
 full of Mu-ial demu-rary that he \\ants to be 
 a pnlirnnaii ! " 
 
 - Mr. Manner^ 
 
 " He does I That's uhv. driven to despair, 
 I dared risk speaking to \n." 
 
 r.nt." she said, confuse. 1. ' I don't yet un- 
 derMand ' 
 
 -hall I tell you the startling truth? hut 
 I'\e NJinpls i^ot to tell you, an\ua\ ; and all I 
 ask \oii to promise, in the beginning, is not 
 to run aua\." 
 
 I certainly shall not run in any direction," 
 she said, with heightened color. 
 
A Lady in Haste 183 
 
 " W-well, don't make me run. Will you 
 promise ? " 
 
 She continued walking in self-possessed si- 
 lence for a minute or two. Presently she 
 glanced up at him as though awaiting further 
 enlightenment. 
 
 " As a matter of indisputable fact," began 
 Manners solemnly, " Kelly Jones is at this 
 moment in my room at the Lenox Club, de- 
 termined to return to his house and make the 
 family cook his bride." 
 
 The girl shuddered, but kept her eyes on 
 Manners. 
 
 [< Three hours," he continued, " were al- 
 lowed me to find some remedy, some alterna- 
 tive, to his expressed determination. Two 
 and three quarters of those fatal hours are 
 now over. Poor Jones! Poor, unfortunate 
 Jones! in the clutches of a mania which is 
 no fault of his ; mad on the subject of assorted 
 scullions; his judgment befuddled with the 
 complexities of social democracy; driving 
 headlong upon the rocks of social extinc- 
 tion- 
 
 " Oh-h ! " breathed the girl pitifully ; " yod 
 must do something ! " 
 
 " Think of it ! " insisted Manners ; " think 
 
184 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 of this handsome but wretched young man 
 driven helplessly kitchenward in spite of him- 
 1 a most attractive, intellectual, orna- 
 mental young man 
 
 " This is actually w-wicked. Mr. Man- 
 ners! " -aid the girl hotly. " This is the most 
 shameful 
 
 " It certainly is!" said Manner- nii-craM\. 
 " I'm at my wits' end to know \\hat in do. 
 That's why I ventured to speak to yu 
 And," he added solemnly, M so l"ti^ a- I 
 have spoken to you nothing now remains 
 In-tween that unfortunate voting man and 
 the soup to speak metaphorically e.\ 
 you ! " 
 
 " I ? What do vou mean. Mr. Mamin 
 
 The hot color crept into lu-r cheeks again. 
 
 Why do you come to me? What do you 
 expect I could do in this very cruel and 
 shocking mat 
 
 I expect you'd tell me how to get Jones 
 out of it." 
 
 / ': she repeated 44 I ? How can I miti- 
 gate this perfectly dreadful thing you have 
 
 done to him " 
 
 It's not half so dreadful a thing as what 
 he'll do in about ten more minutes," said 
 
A Lady in Haste 185 
 
 Manners, dejectedly inspecting his watch, 
 " unless you prevent it." 
 
 " What is he going to do in about t-ten 
 more minutes ?" asked the girl tremulously. 
 
 " I told you," he replied, " that he has hon- 
 orable designs on the family cook." 
 
 " Oh ! " she exclaimed, revolted ; " you 
 have got to do something ! You must ! " 
 
 * What?" he asked vacantly. 
 
 " Get rid of that cook ! " she said with 
 spirit. " Why not ? You must get rid of her 
 instantly and forever ! " 
 
 "I? How am I to get rid of her?" he 
 asked aghast. " M-m-murder her do you 
 mean? And h-hide her m-m-mortal remains 
 in the t-t-tubs 
 
 " Don't talk that way," said the girl nerv- 
 ously ; " even in jest. There must be some 
 way some other way of getting rid of 
 her- 
 
 " What way ? We've got about nine min- 
 utes left." 
 
 The girl halted, standing stock-still. Then, 
 looking up : 
 
 " Where does Mr. Jones live? " 
 
 " In Fifty-eighth Street the next block." 
 
 " You know the hbuse, of course ? " 
 
i86 Sonic I.udics in Haste 
 
 Manners admitted that lie did. 
 
 14 Then," she said with determination, "it 
 will be easy enough to get rid of that cook. 
 All that is necessary is for you to go t 
 ask what wages she's getting, offer her double 
 to leave the hou>e in eight minutes, and take 
 her away with you 
 
 " But what am I to do with a cook? " asked 
 Manners. 
 
 "Why, take her into \mr own service, of 
 course 
 
 " How can I when I live at the clu; 
 
 "YOU IUUM take her, an\wa\!" -aid the 
 girl warmly. " It doe-n't makr am particular 
 difference to me what you do with her. I In- 
 main thing is to get her out of Mr. Joi 
 
 house before he can " 
 
 . I kn\v. Hut what would I he ' 
 with a female cook? I couldn't put her 
 the club. \ou know. I \<>u du't exped me 
 to pass my entire time in walking about the 
 streets with a cook, do you?" 
 
 "Mr. Manners! Yon must get that cook 
 out of Mr. Jones's housr this in-tant ! It's 
 wicked and shameful and outrageously selfish 
 of you to leave her there another moment ! " 
 
 " Great Heaven! " said Manners; *' do you 
 
A Lady in Haste 187 
 
 expect me to adopt her? How can I pay her 
 double wages when I haven't any kitchen for 
 her? If I take that unfortunate woman out of 
 the house there's apparently nothing left for 
 me to do but start on a wedding tour with 
 her!" 
 
 " What a horridly selfish man you are ! " 
 she said. 
 
 Manners breathed harder. 
 
 " Oh ! " she exclaimed impatiently ; " are 
 you going to stand there when every monu nt 
 is perilous? Are you going to do nothing? 
 Are you afraid?" And, flushing with a gen- 
 erous impulse of pity, she said : " Show me 
 that house! I cannot stand by and let such 
 a thing happen to anybody ! " 
 
 Manners started forward with alacrity. 
 " That's the very thing," he said. " A woman 
 understands how to manage cooks and things. 
 Here's the house. I I'd better not go in, I 
 think- 
 
 " You must ! " she said. 
 
 He stood at the door, hesitating, but she 
 leaned forward and touched the electric but- 
 ton. 
 
 "Anyway, all the servants have left," he 
 muttered. 
 
1 88 Some I. u dies in //(/ 
 
 Why?" she asked blankly. 
 
 " Because Jones gave a pink tea yesterday, 
 and invited the colored furnaceman, and they 
 drew the color line with violence." 
 
 Then then is there nobody to let OS 
 she asked, appalled. 
 
 " Only the cook He stopped short as 
 the door was opened. Then he attempted to 
 back away, but the girl, reckless of appear- 
 ances laid her hand on his arm so that he was 
 practically forced to enter the house with her 
 and confront a mature Hibernian of female 
 persuasion, who returned their scrutiny out 
 of two small, greenish and strabismatic eyes. 
 
 "Are you the cook?" asked the girl 
 calmly. 
 
 I am thatl" replied the woman emphat- 
 ically. 
 
 The girl turned and bade Manners remain 
 where he \\as in a voice of surh remarkaMr 
 decision that he stood a moment transti 
 then, as the girl and the cook disappeared into 
 the drawing-room, he feebly protruded one 
 arm to sustain himself, found nothing to sup- 
 port him, and collapsed upon a gilded hall 
 seat, his hat on hi> knees. 
 
 For exactly two minutes the girl and the 
 
A Lady in Haste 189 
 
 cook remained invisible ; then the cook ap- 
 peared, laboriously waddling toward the serv- 
 ants' stairway in the rear, and, in an incredibly 
 short space of time, reappeared enveloped in 
 an imitation India shawl, carrying a bag in 
 one fist and vigorously pushing her prehis- 
 toric bonnet straight with the other. 
 
 At the same moment the girl walked swiftly 
 into the hallway and threw open the front 
 door. 
 
 " This is the gentleman, Maggie," said the 
 girl cruelly. " He will, I hope, be very, very 
 kind to you, and very generous. Perhaps he 
 may continue to raise your wages from 
 month to month. . . . Are you ready, Mr. 
 Manners? " 
 
 Manners, dazed, stood up and gazed fear- 
 fully upon the cook. As in a horrid sort of 
 dream he slowly realized that the cook was 
 not sober. Tlu-n lie heard the girl behind him 
 saying : " Hurry, Mr. Manners ; you are al- 
 ready a little late." Then he found himself 
 on the sidewalk, the Irish nightmare wad- 
 dling at his elbow, and he halted, casting back 
 one wild glance at the open door behind him. 
 
 From the doorstep the girl was looking at 
 him, and in his exasperated eyes she detected 
 
Sonic Ladies in Haste 
 
 the nascent frenzy. With a sudden nervous 
 movement she forestalled the bolt for free- 
 dom, shut the door, and sank down on the 
 hall seat, almost hysterical with laughter. 
 
 And through the diamond sidelights she 
 saw Mr. Manners wandering down the stint 
 as though Miipehcd, and at his elbow a com- 
 placently befuddled cook, steadying her step- 
 with great dignity beside his, and continually 
 attempting to straighten the bonnet, which 
 had a tendency u> >lip down over her right 
 eye. 
 
CHAPTER VIII 
 
 ABSENT TREATMENT 
 
 ]OR a minute or two the young 
 girl behind the door watched 
 the amazing progress of Man- 
 ners and his cook, giving them 
 a full three minutes to disap- 
 pear into the jungles of Sixth Avenue; then, 
 weak with laughter, she rose and laid her 
 hand on the door, ready to make her own 
 escape. 
 
 At the same instant a man's shadowy figure 
 darkened the glass from the outside, and she 
 heard the impatient fumbling of a latchkey 
 in the lock. 
 
 191 
 
Some /.(/<//V.N /'// 
 
 "Jones!" she whispered with whitening 
 lips. u \\'hat on earth am I to d 
 
 < dancing right and left in pallid despera- 
 tion she shrank back ; and as the heavy glass 
 and wrought-iron door began to open, she 
 turned and fairly took to her heels, nmnint; 
 s\\iftly. blindK. \ rt with some occult instinct, 
 too, for in a moment more she found herself 
 in the laundry. 
 
 The same instinct also, perhap-. M-I her 
 rapidly unpinning her hat an<l tiu -kini^ it ami 
 her gloves and pur-e a\\ay in the depths of an 
 ironing table. 
 
 I rtunately she was dressed in bl.i 
 
 lily laundered caps and aprons lay in a 
 clothes basket near by rclic>. m iloul.- 
 the departed maid>. She luard a M( j . m the 
 kitchen st.-m .m,l |mm-(l it . m 
 
 her dark hair, threw on a ruftled apr.m. and. 
 frightened almost to death, tnrmd t confront 
 him. 
 
 44 M he-an |.'iir. \\alkini: -loulv 
 
 from the kitchen to\\ard the laundry. " thi> i^ 
 a very solemn moment in your life and in 
 mine. Kind hearts are more than coronets, 
 Maggie, and beauty i> but skin deep. All 
 human beings are born free and equal, and 
 
Absent Treatment 193 
 
 your present condition of servitude, Maggie, 
 is an outrageous anachronism. Tyrannical 
 society and the despotism of wealth, em- 
 bodied in me, Maggie, have come into your 
 humble kitchen to offer you reparation 
 
 1 1 c stopped suddenly as he arrived at the 
 launch -\ door and blinked in mild surprise. 
 
 " Where's Maggie?" he asked, inspecting 
 the strange, youthful figure in cap and apron, 
 backed up fearfully against the tubs. 
 
 " M-Maggie, the cook ? " she asked faintly. 
 " I think she went away." 
 
 "What?" 
 
 " Y-yes ; with a gentleman." 
 
 "What gentleman?" 
 
 " The the one who brought me here Mr. 
 Manners." 
 
 " Manners ! Manners ! " exclaimed Jones. 
 " You tell me that William Manners has been 
 here and gone off with my cook ? " 
 
 " Y-yes." 
 
 Profoundly astonished, Jones sat down on 
 the clothes basket. 
 
 " Do you mean to tell me that he's actu- 
 ally taken her away ? " he murmured. 
 
 " Yes for good." 
 
 Jones drew a long, deep breath of relief. 
 
194 Sonic Ladies in Haste 
 
 " It was high time/' he said, with a shud- 
 der. "I've had a narrow escape! She was 
 not not physically very attractive. I am 
 glad yon are." 
 
 "W-what?" 
 
 " I am glad that you are physically at- 
 tractive, because it will be easier for me to 
 offer you marriage. You see, I'm determined 
 to marry somebody's cook, and it might as 
 wi-11 l>r my own. Have \ * u any to\\n refer- 
 ence 
 
 " N-no," she gasped. 
 
 "That makes n difference." he said kind- 
 ly. " Perhaps you've just come off the Maud. 
 but I don't mind. You see. m\ - the 
 
 simple i i vrd of brotherly love and e.|ualit\. 
 I he artificial social codes and laws \\hich put 
 \.u behind the bars " 
 
 ' I'.ut 1 hurcnt been in prison!" she said 
 hysterically. 
 
 " It's all the same to me," observed Jones 
 mildly. " Sin should be its own punishment. 
 l\< taliation is barbarous. I remembered that 
 \\heii 1 wanted to assault Manners this a; 
 noon." 
 
 lie shuddered again and looked up into the 
 face of the ^irl by the window. 
 
Absent Treatment 195 
 
 " I'm glad Maggie has gone," he said, " be- 
 cause I should not have avoided my duty had 
 she remained. And now the decision remains 
 with you." 
 
 "What decision?" 
 
 " About marrying me. Will you ? " 
 
 " Mr. Jones ! Would you actually marry a 
 a cook ? " 
 
 Jones did not answer immediately. He sat 
 on the edge of the clothes hamper, a curious 
 expression on his face. Suddenly a ghastly 
 pallor whitened it; he rose unsteadily to his 
 feet. 
 
 " It's odd," he muttered; " something seems 
 to be happening to me all over ! " And he 
 began to move blindly toward the door, sway- 
 ing as he progressed. 
 
 Dismayed, the girl looked after him ; then, 
 as he began to stumble up the stairway, she 
 followed swiftly, saw him almost fall twice, re- 
 cover, and start dizzily toward the drawing- 
 room. 
 
 " Are you very ill ? " she asked, stepping 
 up beside him. 
 
 " No something rather agreeable than 
 otherwise seems to be happening to me." He 
 reeled, and she caught him. 
 14 
 
196 Some l.mlics in lid 
 
 "Thank you; if I could roach a a 
 
 ourage!" she said, resoluuh control- 
 ling IUT own dismay, and supporting him 
 to the nearest lounge, where he sank do\\n 
 on the brocaded cushions limp, astonished 
 at his own condition, hut curiously contented. 
 
 "Something is surely happening to me." 
 he repeated. ' I believe I believe that Man- 
 ners is giving me some more absent treatment 
 powerful, concentrated, emergency ti 
 ment in relation to you." 
 
 "To wir!" slu- repeaud. startled. 
 
 " Yes yes, I am sure of it now ! 
 How b-b-beautiful you are ! " he sighed sen- 
 timentally. "How exquisitely attractive is 
 that cap and apron! And your divimK dark 
 I, and \oiir lovely mouth, and " 
 
 " Mr. Jon< 
 
 I can't help it; he's making me adore 
 you! 
 
 "What!" she crie -crated. 
 
 The telephone upstairs began to ring vio- 
 lently. 
 
 "Would you mind answering?" he asked 
 appealingly. *' I'm still rather di 
 
 She straightened up. turned, and mounted 
 
Absent Treatment 197 
 
 the stairs with wrath in her eyes. The next 
 moment the whir of the telephone bell ceased ; 
 Jones heard her voice, scornfully level and 
 even in tone, then silence, then a startled ex- 
 clamation. And now her voice became ani- 
 mated, expostulatory, indignant, pleading by 
 turns : 
 
 " Mr. Manners ! I refuse to understand 
 you." 
 
 " Of course, I hope you will be able to shift 
 Mr. Jones's affections to a worthier 
 
 " You say that you are now giving Mr. 
 Jones this new treatment ? " 
 
 " Yes ; Mr. Jones is apparently already af- 
 fected by something ! " 
 
 [t Yes, you certainly have proved that you 
 are able to give absent mental treatment." 
 
 "What!!!" 
 
 
 
 " Mr. Manners, that is the most outra- 
 geously impudent threat " 
 
198 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 "What!!! To revenge yourself for what 
 you suffered with that cook! It certainly was 
 not my fault 
 
 Yes, I did laugh, but I couldn't help it." 
 
 "Mr. Mannrr-! Y<m simply dare not at- 
 tempt such a tiling on Mr. Jones and me, 
 even if von did promise him a lady in haste." 
 
 " I can't help it; 1 am very sorry for Mr. 
 Jones, hut I certainly do not wish to learn to 
 care for him " 
 
 " Make me love Mr. Jones ! 
 
 . . . . . 
 
 "What! Yon ^iv \,,n are making me fall 
 in love with Mr. Jones? Noivf Mr. Man- 
 
 . you exa-prratr m< ! You are the \\ 
 edest mischief-maker in the \\orld-or would 
 be if you could be! But 1 def\ you to force 
 iiu- t> <lo any " 
 
 You're making him care for i; 
 
 I don't believe it! You can't do it! 
 H-Heaven won't allow you to do such things 
 
Absent Treatment 199 
 
 to Kelly ! Oh-h ! You've made me call him 
 Kelly already! You you are frightening 
 me, Mr. Manners ! I I admit that you can 
 do these terrible things I confess your aw- 
 ful power! But don't, Mr. Manners, please, 
 please don't m-make me care for him ! " 
 
 " Oh, you arc ! You are making me care 
 for him now\ Care more for him every sec- 
 ond ! You are making me care for him most 
 excessively ! " 
 
 " No!! I I don't want you to stop now! 
 I It's too late; you've made me b-b-begin 
 to love him ! " 
 
 " Yes, I do love him ! I don't care what 
 you do to us now, because I am perfectly 
 mad about him." 
 
 " Yes, I do forgive you. I am too happy 
 not to. I It certainly was perfectly dear of 
 you to make me so celestially happy. . . . 
 And he's downstairs. And I can't endure this 
 separation from him another instant! So. 
 good-by " 
 
200 me I. tnlics in 
 
 " Yes, it is heavenly to be so thoroughly in 
 love ! Good-by - " 
 
 "Oh, what?" 
 
 " I don't care what anybody says!" 
 
 Yes, I am willing to be his lady in 
 hast. 
 
 . 
 
 "All right, if you think we ought to have 
 a clergyman this afternoon." 
 
 " Oh, thank you ! Bring any clergyman 
 convenient. Ill tell Krlly how kind you are. 
 Good-by 
 
 And then she rang off, flushed, radiant, 
 wonder-eyed in the dazzling beauty of a world 
 transformed miraculously into Paradise in as 
 many minutes as her young life could count 
 in y< 
 
 Then listening, alert, she heanl. \\ith an 
 cited flutter in her heart, tlu- furtive step of 
 Jones upon the stair, and she sprang to her 
 feet, trembling in delicious trepidation as he 
 entered the room. They stared at one an- 
 other, spellbound, fascinated. 
 
44 Sweetheart,' he whispered naively, partly because he didn't 
 know her other name." 
 
Absent Treatment . 201 
 
 " Sweetheart," he whispered naively, partly 
 because he didn't know her other name. 
 
 And she forgot to tell him, surrendering to 
 him her slender, fragrant hands as he knelt 
 there at her feet ; and, desperately in love, she 
 gazed down at him, tremulous, half fearful, 
 adoring the adoration in his upturned ana 
 worshiping eyes. 
 
 So came to Jones his Lady in Haste. 
 
CHAPTER IX 
 
 SUI GENERIS 
 
 MM R the nose of William 
 Manners the lid of Pandora's 
 Box had now been twitched 
 wide open ly tin- demon of no- 
 toriety ; around William V 
 ners plagues and troubles of various species 
 were swarming thick and fast. For no sooner 
 did the metropolitan public awake to the fact 
 that there existed on the island of Manhattan 
 a man who, through mental suggestion, was 
 able to influence, mold, and change the char- 
 acter and fortune of any individual to suit hi^ 
 
 202 
 
Siti Generis 203 
 
 own whim and fancy, than that same public 
 arose and rushed upon Manners, confident of 
 the millennium as advertised, and determined 
 to secure large slices at bargain prices before 
 it was all gone. 
 
 Apparently, everybody in New York de- 
 sired to interview this young man who, they 
 believed, was not only able to turn them all 
 into whatever they desired to be, but who 
 also might be persuaded to transform other 
 people into other things for their benefit. 
 
 Hundreds and hundreds of letters poured 
 into the club for Manners, many containing 
 money or clucks \\ith requests for a course 
 of absent mental treatment. Some desired to 
 be endowed with beauty, some with an educa- 
 tion, some with love, a few with common 
 sense, and all with the ability to make for- 
 tunes within the week. 
 
 At first Manners attempted to return mon- 
 ey and checks with a polite note of refusal 
 for every applicant, but the letters continued 
 to arrive by thousands ; the club servants 
 stacked them up in piles on the floor of his 
 room ; the club authorities, astonished and ir- 
 ritated, sent word to Manners that a club was 
 no place in which to conduct private business. 
 
204 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 But Manners could neither stop the ava- 
 lanche of letters nor return their contents. 
 People began to call at the club to inquire 
 for him odd-looking people types from the 
 Rialto, Third and Sixth Avenues, " profes- 
 sors " of various " sciences," fat females elab- 
 orately overdecorated, palmists, astrolo^ 
 \M-ird flotsam from the reeking gridiron west 
 of Long Acre, shabby curb brokers, book- 
 makers, seedy touts from Forty-second Street, 
 and bright-eyed, bright-check r<l yumg per- 
 sons, amply endowed with unduloux h. 
 and diamond ing small toy dogs and a 
 
 heavy scent of vioK 
 
 Up rose the governors <>f tlu- rlub in their 
 indignation, ri'|iu>ting Manners to consider 
 himself suspended. Then the post-office au- 
 thorities seized his letters, carted them off on 
 a truck, and threatened to proceed against 
 him for improper use of the mails; two po- 
 licemen were stationed to watch the club as 
 a suspicious resort, and a committee of very 
 young clergymen \\aited upon the mayor to 
 protest against Manners as a public menace 
 to morals. 
 
 Manners packed his belongings and fled, 
 but Destiny ran after him and whacked him 
 
Generis 205 
 
 again for good measure ; and the next morn- 
 ing's papers announced the failure of the Pine 
 Barrens Irrigation Company, William Man- 
 ners president and principal stockholder. 
 Thus did blind Justice redress the balance; 
 thus did the normal kick the abnormal ; thus 
 did an old-fashioned, everyday, commonplace 
 world bump William Manners to rebuke him 
 for bringing into it what belonged somewhere 
 between Avernus and Harlem. 
 
 Too long had a respectable and unimagina- 
 tive planet put up with mediums and table 
 tippings and Columbia University ; William 
 Manners and his absent treatment were too 
 much. So the world reared on its hind legs 
 and butted him hard. And a month later 
 William Manners might have been seen seated 
 thoughtfully upon a rail fence, contemplat- 
 ing the rural scenery of northern New York 
 State. 
 
 There was scarcely anything there except 
 scenery, unless a tumble-down farmhouse 
 might be included. But even that was a sight 
 in itself. 
 
 Pines and oaks and elms ; uplands covered 
 with sweet fern and wild grass ; distant fields 
 of buckwheat and oats ; distant pastures where 
 
206 Sonic l.mlics in Haste 
 
 cattle stood looking like the newly painted 
 inmates of Noah's Ark these, and a d 
 road, seemed to be the only noticeable adorn- 
 ments of the immediate landscape. Beyond 
 the low hills he did not know what la\. 1I< 
 had rented this lonely little farm with part 
 <>t the few dollars remaining to him after 
 the crash in Pine Barrens Irrigation stock; 
 and now he sat down for a few moments to 
 catch his breath and recover hi> M- If posses- 
 sion. It was all he could hope to recover 
 and possess. 
 
 The outskirts of Coon Corners appeared to 
 be peculiarly fashioned for the retirement, 
 self-effacement, and spiritual meditation of 
 man. With the aid of a scant quart of milk, 
 which he managed occasionally to wring from 
 his cow, he supplied himself with nourishing 
 drink and e A crossroads store at 
 
 Coon Corners, two miles away, furnished him 
 with moldy groceries; a small garden with 
 recreation, vegetables and weeds, also bait for 
 fishing. 
 
 To mitigate the blow and accustom himself 
 gradually to his altered circumstances in life, 
 he always dressed for dinner and served him- 
 self with milk, potatoes, bacon, and carrots 
 
Sui Generis 207 
 
 in courses. Between courses he played on his 
 harmonica, because, in town, he had been ac- 
 customed to restaurant music. The music 
 also served to fill voids voids of all sorts 
 as, for example, when he couldn't bring 
 himself to swallow his own cooking, or when 
 the stillness around him got hold of his nerves 
 and clawed them. 
 
 After dinner he always removed his even- 
 ing clothes, tied on an apron, and performed 
 household rites. Then he would dress again 
 and sit on the porch and watch fireflies and 
 listen intently to his cow bell. 
 
 This had now continued for a month ; he 
 lived mechanically, moved and breathed and 
 had his being automatically; for he was still 
 partly stupefied by the suddenness of the 
 overwhelming calamity which had befallen 
 him. 
 
 Little by little, however, the mental numb- 
 ness began to leave him, and the raw wound 
 began to sting. 
 
 One dreadful day and night of despair 
 capped the climax, but that was the worst ; 
 he at last fully realized the situation, accepted 
 it pro tern., and seated himself upon the hard 
 top rail of experience, a grass stem between 
 
208 Sotnc /.(/(//r.c in Haste 
 
 his lips, his eyes fixed absently upon his cow, 
 \\lio returned his stare, placidly cheum-. 
 
 " William," he said to himsdf. " this is not 
 Hell: it is only Purgatory; and you de- 
 it. For you might have wrought much evil 
 with your spells, William; and the laws of 
 natural phenomena neither govern such an- 
 tics as you once chose to indulge in, nor do 
 they permit you a place or an existence in a 
 planet where only the normal is consistently 
 possible. Nature, which specifically abhors a 
 vanillin, isn't going to tolerate any other 
 kinds of unnatural phenomena. You pro- 
 duced several, and here you are! You piti- 
 ful, tenth-rate sorcerer! William, you disgust 
 mi 
 
 He reached up, twistol >tT a twig of sweet 
 birch, chewed it, and meditat 
 
 " t'ninvited and unsuspected, you gave ab- 
 -riit mental treatment to ten people five 
 nun. friends of yours ; five unknown and or- 
 namental maidens whom you did not know. 
 You saw these innocent youn^ tfirls passing 
 the club window; out of idle and devilish per- 
 versity, you sent impudent mental waves in 
 their direction. Fortunatelx . of your ten vic- 
 tims, a kindly Fate has accounted for eight. 
 
Sui Generis 209 
 
 They are married and happy. But, William, 
 there are two remaining unaccounted for. 
 You directed a powerful current of mental 
 suggestion at Billy West, with the intention 
 of instilling into that mild and inert youth a 
 passion for pernicious activity mental and 
 physical. 
 
 " Now, that current evidently went astray, 
 because Billy West remains unchanged. It 
 must have missed its object and been inter- 
 cepted by somebody else. Who?" 
 
 Manners chewed his birch twig thought- 
 fully. 
 
 " Who ? What person in the world do you 
 hear of as exhibiting irritatingly strenuous 
 activities in matters which do not concern 
 him? To begin at the top, there's the Kaiser. 
 That powerful mental current may have been 
 intercepted by him, or by by our own 
 great- 
 Horror contorted Manners's features. 
 " Heavens ! " he gasped ; " is that the ex- 
 planation ? Does that account for it all ? Has 
 the greatest of all patriots and moralists and 
 naturalists intercepted that errant current 
 which I directed at Billy West? And has it 
 double charged him with an explosively Jove- 
 
2io Sonic Ladies in Haste 
 
 like and omniscient energy which pervades 
 every subject discussed on top of this intel 
 Krtual hemisphere, from railroads to runii 
 nants, from eels to Ethiopians, from sagas to 
 cinnamons, from trusts to the nesting habits 
 of tlu- sprekled tomtit ? " 
 
 And, as he sat there on the top rail, tin- 
 poisonous conviction settled upon him like 
 a horsefly on a colt that the greatest states- 
 man who ever existed in America had re- 
 1 the full impart of tlu- errant mental 
 current which he had hurled at Hilly \\ Vt. 
 . that part of the great ma; taetl 
 
 i-tly due to the reception and bottling 
 up of this pouerfnllv strenuous and stimulat- 
 ing current ; what this human marvel had 
 uas as nothing compared to \\hat he 
 \\ould \et le. and do. and say. Railroads 
 should tumble, ambassadors tremble. n,v 
 should be afraid, tomtits no longer nn'sr, 
 seuted in sru-ntitie fiction, and the Ethiopian 
 should be exalted! 
 
 Manners 9 ! i\es filled with devout and 
 thankful tea 
 
 Heaven i- -till good to the Irish-Ameri- 
 cans of Dutch descent." he murmured. ' \ 
 other man could have endured ami assimilated 
 
Sui Generis 211 
 
 that current ; the country would have toler- 
 ated no rival. To him that hath shall be 
 given. It is all right. The country is as safe 
 as ever. The faker is doomed ! " 
 
 Vastly, humbly, profoundly relieved by the 
 solution of this anxious problem, Manners, in 
 his relief and joy, slid from the top rail and 
 frisked about the pasture. 
 
 He was very, very happy; he wove a gar- 
 land of meadow flowers and hung it around 
 the neck of his cow. He went and got his 
 harmonica and played on it, and the cow 
 thrust her large, furry ears forward, listening 
 in bovine amazement to her first serenade. 
 
 Manners talked to her he had only him- 
 self and the cow to converse with, and he ex- 
 plained to her excitedly that he was now al- 
 most free from sin that of the ten crimes 
 committed by him only one still remained un- 
 accounted and unatoned for. 
 
 " It was a girl," he continued vaguely, lay- 
 ing his harmonica aside on the grass "a 
 slim, freckled, gray-eyed, sweet-lipped young 
 thing, coming out of her house, evidently on 
 her way to the country for the summer. A 
 legion of maids and butlers and second men 
 and footmen danced attendance about her; 
 
212 Some Ladies in Ho 
 
 some carried bundles, some satchels, some pet 
 dogs and birds, some robes and traveling- 
 rugs. And, looking at her, so pretty and 
 freckled, and thin and helpless to do anything 
 for herself, I sent a good, strong mental wave 
 straight at her. 
 
 Young woman/ I said, ' get rid of all 
 those servants and learn to do things for 
 yourself if you want your figure to look like 
 a woman's and not like a bn\V Tse your 
 limbs and muscles! Go out into the fields 
 and rake hay. Go and potter about in gar- 
 dens, and trim hedges, and milk cattle, and 
 feed chirk t-ns. and eat ham and flapjacks \\ith 
 maple sirup, and cook 'em, too, occasionally ! 
 Go and hoist up water in the old oaken 
 bucket! It's full of germs, but they won't 
 hurt anybody.' That's what I said," nodded 
 Manners to Ins cow f ami I added my advice 
 that she ultimately marry a farn 
 
 The cow wa< n ,,\v eating the garland he 
 had woven for her ; Manners observed the op- 
 eration pensively. 
 
 I believe-." he said aloud to himself, I 
 really believe that my exile and isolation and 
 social excommunication would cease, auto- 
 matically, if only I could be absolved from 
 
Sni Generis 213 
 
 that last sin of mine if only I could be cer- 
 tain that my miserable interference had not 
 changed and blighted forever the life of this 
 gently bred young girl. 
 
 " Somewhere somewhere this very mo- 
 ment she is probably raking hay, barefooted ! 
 She may be far too frail to endure such a life 
 endure ham and pancakes, and the smells of 
 barnyards! Slu may now be sicklied o'er 
 with the pale cast of pie ! " 
 
 He dropped his head in his hands; all his 
 light-hearted optimism had died out as he re- 
 membered what he had done to that girl, 
 scarcely nineteen a frail, unformed creature, 
 utterly unfitted to endure the fate to which he 
 had so flippantly condemned her. 
 
 The cow, having finished the garland, re- 
 produced a portion of it in the form of a cud, 
 and, gravely chewing it, regarded the dejected 
 young man with gratitude. 
 
 " To think," he groaned aloud, " that I de- 
 liberately consigned her to this sort of a life! 
 Somewhere, at this very moment, half dead 
 with indigestion, she is probably frying a 
 steak. Somewhere she may be hanging out 
 the domestic wash, her slender body racked 
 with a hacking cough. Or she may be daw- 
 
214 Some Ladies in //</ 
 
 dling by the roadside with some frow/y lm 
 uho is courting her, or >lu- may be alrcad\ 
 married to a rural so\eivi-n \\ith chin \\hi- 
 . wh>-e proudest article of apparel con- 
 sists of a pair of red braces \\hich he disp' 
 at the Sunday dinner tahle." 
 
 The i)ieture evoked overcame Mann 
 
 " It's awful!" he groaned. " 1 deserve all 
 this. And. as far as I can see, I'm likcl\ to 
 remain in this awful place and milk tin- r 
 nal cow unless I can find that girl and atone 
 for \\hat I've done by marrying her!" 
 
 He rose to his feet \\earily. 
 
 " But to make her marry a man like me 
 wouldn't he any atonement," he added. ' If 
 I did that I'd only aggravate in- 
 Great Dingums! Will I ever be able to i 
 the \\nmg I have done her and get a\\ay 
 from that confounded cow and these dinners 
 of carrot- and prune 
 
 For a while he pottered sullenly about in 
 the garden, picking pea-. Me shelled them 
 later, then dragged <ut an ironing board and 
 made preparations to iron the few shirts re- 
 maining to him. 
 
 It \\as a laborious task; first he usually 
 burned himself, then several of the shirts. 
 
Sui Generis 215 
 
 Starch was a substance which he seemed to 
 have no control of, for what, in a shirt, should 
 have been soft and flexible, became stark and 
 stiff as sheet iron, so that when he wore one 
 of his self-ironed garments it was impossible 
 for him to sit down. 
 
 He thought he might as well break in one 
 for the evening, as he was obliged to stand 
 while ironing; so he retired and invested him- 
 self in a shirt which seemed in condition to 
 defy armor-piercing shells fired from the south 
 front. 
 
 However, he rolled up his sleeves, seized a 
 hot flatiron from the kitchen stove, and, 
 spreading a damp garment across the wabbly 
 board, began ironing away with courage and 
 determination. 
 
 From time to time through the open door 
 he glanced out across the pasture. Some- 
 times he saw a dickey bird, sometimes a but- 
 terfly, usually nothing at all except the view. 
 
 " Of course," he argued, but with a sinking 
 heart, " this is too awful to continue. Some- 
 thing's got to happen : I'll either die of indi- 
 gestion, or go mad and run into the tall 
 grass, or or find that girl." 
 
 He set his flatiron back on the stove, lift- 
 
2i6 ;;/(' Ladies in Haste 
 
 ed another, tc-tcd it. and began to iron again. 
 And as the smooth, hot metal slid over tin 
 bosom of the only shirt remaining Mill in- 
 tact, he raised his eyes to see if tin TC x\as 
 anything to look at outdoors, and beca un- 
 aware of something darkening his doorway 
 a pink sunbonnet. and two grax eyCS un<l 
 and a nose xxith M-vera! adorable frcckK -. and 
 the oval of a youthful face, and the 
 mouth he had ever beheld all at his kitchen 
 door. 
 
 Tli- also a plumply rounded figure in 
 
 a gingham go\\n. and txxo sun tanned hanU 
 as fascinating in proportions as the slim 
 visible at the edge of the gingham go\\n. 
 
 Meantime his iron had imprinted a l,r 
 burnt spot on the IMJMHU of his best shirt, and 
 the garment had begun to MII,,: 
 
 Hut what did he O -mg then tran- 
 
 fixed, ecstatically incredulous! The smoke 
 from his scorching shirt mounted lik< 
 from the ironing board; the sunshine behind 
 her sunbonnet spun a glimmering halo, turn- 
 ing the pink gingham to an aureole. 
 
 ' The goddess r.r tnachimi ! " he whi-p- 
 jaw dropping in holy axxe. Then, in the de- 
 lirium of reaction, he flung flatiron and shirt 
 
Sui Generis 217 
 
 into a corner, kicked over the board and the 
 chairs supporting it, hurled the pan of freshly 
 stripped peas into the pantry, pulled down his 
 sleeves, and struggled into his coat. 
 
 Meanwhile the girl in the pink sunbonnet 
 was running away. Manners ran after her. 
 
CHAPTER X 
 
 1 \ M \t IIINA 
 
 1 1 K j^irl u a> rnnnit 
 
 the pasture! She took 
 the rail fence \\ ith t1\ ini: 
 n fliitti-riii^. 
 
 for it as SOUK- ^lini thorough- 
 bred. Mannrrs rose grandly to tl 
 clearing the top rail in spite of his 
 armor, and away he galloped toward the 
 young woodland after her. 
 
 Don't run!" he called out: 1 in not 
 mad, even if I was ironing shirts! I I'm 
 p-perfectly t-t-taim ! I want to tell you some- 
 thing." 
 
 218 
 

 Ex Ma chin a 219 
 
 Whether or not she understood seemed 
 doubtful ; she cast one swift, keen glance over 
 her shoulder, then, jumping the brook, sped 
 up the opposite slope and, with the last rem- 
 nant of strength, climbed into a maple tree, 
 where she sat among the branches, flushed, 
 breathing hard, her resolute eyes on him as 
 he came toiling up the bank. 
 
 For a moment they remained mute, strug- 
 gling for breath, watching one another. 
 She had broken off a dead branch and 
 held it tightly, one arm clasping the tree 
 trunk. 
 
 " Do you think me quite mad," he gasped 
 
 "just beeause in my joy at seeing you I 
 kicked over that ironing board and maltreated 
 a pan of shelled peas? Oh, if you had only 
 understood how I loathe flatirons and givm 
 peas! If you had only understood how long 
 I've been obliged to eat my own cooking and 
 iron my own shirts you would not have run 
 away like this ! " 
 
 She stared at him ; slowly the flicker of fear 
 became absorbed in the growing illumination 
 of astonishment. 
 
 " Y-you were d-dreadfully abrupt," she 
 said. " You did not appear p-perfectly ra- 
 
220 Sonic I.inlics in 
 
 tional. I had only come to collect the 
 rent 
 
 l lu- rent ' 
 
 " Y \ ft. I'm \onr landlady." 
 Manners gazed up at her hoprlr^K per- 
 plexed 
 
 " 1 rented that ehatenu from somebody 
 named I-.. M. I '.arris." he said. " Are yon K. 
 M. Harris?" 
 
 lira Millicent Barris. I live at 
 The Towers. I my father jjavc me some 
 farms to play \\ith on my birthday. I n 
 
 1 to be cha>ed up a tree by mx 
 ant- 
 
 Siiddenly. in the nish of relief, she dropped 
 her sink. ehiNprd the tree trunk \\ith htli 
 arms, and, lax in^ her head a-amM it, closed 
 her e 
 
 " 1 )on't ! I don't ! " , \< lainicd 
 
 Mar- 1 -imply cannot endure to see 
 
 an\ xxoinan xxeeping up in a tree like 
 that - " 
 
 * I c-ean't lu-lp it." slu- fal' I've got 
 
 to. If if I \\ere not in >ueh p-p-pe? 
 health my n-nervi-s emild m-ver have stood 
 \xhat xou'x-c d 4 
 
 " Do you mean my running after you, or 
 
Ex Machina 221 
 
 the sight of me ironing?" he asked, morti- 
 fied. 
 
 " B-both. O dear O dear I'm so quiv- 
 ery and weak! I I'd better get out of this 
 tree before I fall out. I don't know how I 
 ever got up here; I feel like a scared and 
 whimpering kitten who has climbed too high 
 and can't get back." 
 
 She bent her pretty head and peeped down 
 at the ground between her swinging feet. 
 The ground seemed very far away. 
 
 " O dear, O dear," she said, bewildered ; 
 " it is my first tree experience, and I don't 
 know how it is done ! Do you ? " 
 
 " A slow slide," he suggested, " is the 
 proper method. You first grasp the tree 
 
 "How?" 
 
 He waved his hands as though repeating a 
 scientific formula : 
 
 " You first grasp the trunk with both 
 arms and both knees ; then, closing both 
 eyes and clasping the stem of the tree firmly, 
 you descend with a very slow and sedate 
 slide." 
 
 " It it isn't very dignified, is it ? " 
 
 " It can be accomplished with dignity," he 
 said. 4< Ironing shirts and shelling peas are 
 
222 Some Ladies in 7/</.v/r 
 
 not the ideals of manly sport, yet I managed 
 to engage in both without 'rum 
 
 and self-respect. It dep< upon \\liat 
 
 xou're doini:. Imt upon your mental attitude 
 t\\ard x.mr ta>k. If one understands h<>\\ to 
 do it, one can stand on one's head \\itlnmt 
 loss of dignitx . 
 
 She seemed to be rather impreed l>\ his 
 philosophy; she leaned over, looked at the 
 trunk, and erossed her ankles. 
 
 " ritimateh." rift -aid. " 1 -hall he obliged 
 to descend, and 1 may as xxell do it n\v. 
 \\'iild \u mind \\alkini; out 
 
 WCK) 
 
 1 le started at once. 
 
 " B-but who is to cateh me if I f-fall? " she 
 added. 
 
 He came back. 
 
 " Hourver. I must take my chances," she 
 continued, looking fearfully at the ground; 
 and he turned and started toward the <; 
 
 "And if I fall and am dreadfully injured, it 
 will not be my fault " 
 
 He hah 
 
 ' It will be your fault," she said with tremu- 
 lous vindietiveness, "for cha-m- me up a 
 And I can't come down as long as 
 
Machina 223 
 
 you are there ; I wont come down as long as 
 you are not there. The problem, then, is how 
 to i^et me out of this tree; and / can't solve 
 it. Can \ m ? " 
 
 He stared up at her for a moment ; then 
 clasped his head in his hands, struggling with 
 the problem. 
 
 " The thing to do," he said, " is to use logic. 
 Reason, not emotion, solves problems. Let 
 us begin at the very beginning, if we are to 
 find some sort of a solution 
 
 " The beginning," she said coldly, " was 
 when you ran after me ' 
 
 " I beg your pardon. The beginning be- 
 gan with your running away from me. I 
 couldn't have run after you if you hadn't 
 first run 
 
 " No, that is not the beginning/' she in- 
 sisted. " First of all I saw you ironing 
 
 " Wait, please! First of all I was ironing, 
 even before you saw me. Let us be logical 
 and accurate, if we are going back to the 
 fountain head of cause and effect." 
 
 " If we are going back as far as that," she 
 said, " let us go still farther. To begin, then, 
 you rented my cottage 
 
 " One moment," he begged ; " there was a 
 
224 Some Ladies in 
 
 cause for my renting that cottage; and, ii we 
 are going back to the real beginning of 
 things, let us begin \\ith that." 
 
 "I don't see." shi- sail. astonished. "why 
 \our nmtives for renting that cottage could 
 interest me. or have any important bearing on 
 the problem of getting me out of tl 
 
 He stood very still, silenced not by her 
 logic, but by the Midden impact of a neu : 
 
 Looking down at him she \\aited. s\\ ing- 
 ing her crossed feet gently. She was no 
 longer afraid of him or of her situation. She 
 had. at his fir>t \\ord, recognized in him the 
 sort of man she had been accustomed to. It 
 had been only the mechanical and mental dif- 
 ficulty of stopping her mad stampede that 
 had landed her up a tree before she even un- 
 derstood how she got there a purely auto- 
 matic flight, obeying physical impulse before 
 the brain could telegraph like a 
 
 locomotive overrunning the Matum in spite of 
 the bral 
 
 Almost from the first, looking down at him 
 from her perch, fear had tied, leaving a faint 
 reaction. Then calm confidence returned ; she 
 examined him leisurely, perfectly convinced 
 of her safety. 
 
Ex Machina 225 
 
 And now she looked down from aloft with 
 a smile almost friendly, encouraging him to 
 mental effort. 
 
 " How to get me out of this tree," she re- 
 peated. " You got me into it. I can't come 
 down if you're not here; I won't come down 
 while you </;v here. You got me up. Logic 
 must help me down. How is it to be done, 
 Mr. Manners? Surely not by discussing the 
 motives \\hkh iinhuol you to rent my cot- 
 tage." 
 
 " Yes," he said, " that is exactly tlu way to 
 begin our logic." 
 
 " But that happened before you ever even 
 saw UK- 
 
 "No, it didn't." 
 
 She opened her gray eyes wider. 
 
 " Did you ever see me before you glanced 
 up from your ironing?" she asked, surprised. 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 "When?" 
 
 " Early this spring." 
 
 "Where, Mr. Manners?" 
 
 " Coming out <>t \<>ur house on Fifth Ave- 
 nue, opposite the Lenox Club." 
 
 " O-h ! . . . Yes, I live there. . . . Where 
 were you ? " 
 
226 Some Ladies In Haste 
 
 " In the club window hatching deviltries! " 
 he said bitterly. 
 
 " I >-d-deviltrie> ! " she repeated. " \Y-\\hat 
 in tin- \\orld do you mean, Mr. Mann* : 
 
 "I've 14 "t to go farther back than that 
 >lrinu day to tell you," he said. "Shall I 
 do h 
 
 Amazed at the pallor and desperation in his 
 -In- took a firmer clasp of tin tree trunk 
 ami ^a/i-d do\\n at him. 
 
 M Il it vrr\ awful what you are going to 
 till me? " she asked. 
 Wry. Shall I?" 
 
 " No. N . 
 
 " No. Yes. I if it becomes too dreadful 
 for me to hear I I'll tell you w-when to 
 
 StO] 
 
 Well, then," he said hoarsely, " I'm the 
 most terrible kind of a man you ever heard 
 of." 
 
 " O-oh ! " she echoed faintly, but expect- 
 antly. 
 
 1 I'm horrible, monstrous; I'm a menace 
 to decency, a peril to civilization! " 
 
 Y-you don't look it, M-Mr. M-M-Man- 
 ners." 
 
Ex Machina 227 
 
 " That's the sickening part of it. I'm a 
 decent-looking fellow. Don't you think so? " 
 
 " Y-yes." 
 
 " With agreeable bearing and presence ? " 
 
 " Oh, yes, indeed." 
 
 " The sort, in fact, to whom you are accus- 
 tomed in New York ? " 
 
 " P-perfectly. I anybody would be in- 
 diiifd to like you, Mr. Manners." 
 
 " Thank you," he said gloomily. " That is 
 the awful phase of it. What I look like is one 
 thing ; what I am is this : A man once 
 wealthy, now ruined ; once popular, now 
 feared; once innocent, now guilty ! " 
 
 " Mr. Manners! IV hat are you guilty of? " 
 
 He said : " Do you believe that it is pos- 
 sible for a human being to possess himself of 
 infernal powers? Do you believe it possible 
 that a man can, by mere exercise of will, 
 project mental waves which are capable of 
 molding, modifying, changing, completely 
 transforming the characters and desires of 
 other people ? " 
 
 " No ! " she said breathlessly. 
 
 " Yet the fact remains that I can do and 
 have done it. Ten people, on whom I tried 
 my first experiments, prove the statement. 
 10 
 
228 Some I.inlics in ffiisfc 
 
 One by one I gave them absent treatment to 
 correct deficiencies of character. Thc\ had 
 not the slightest idea of \\hat 1 \\as d 
 indeed, five of them I did not even kno\\ 1>\ 
 sight when I undertook their cases." 
 
 He paused, passing his hand wearily 
 his brow. Tlie j^irl looked do\\n at him. 
 cinated. 
 
 "Fortunately." he continued, "nine 01: 
 my ten victim- come t< no harm 
 
 through my villain* u- middling. Indeed. 
 strangely enough, they have found their 
 heart -Hilled thnmiji \\hat 1 did for 
 
 them these nine victims of m\ hideou- 
 periments. Heaven \vas ind. me. 
 
 even in piiiiishin.i: me 1 
 crushed, bewildered, penniless as I am, for I 
 have found \vn a^ain ! " 
 
 " Found tnr^ A^ain "" 
 
 " Yes. Listen to me. and \ me that 
 
 you will not fall out of that tre<- in \<>ur amaze- 
 ment and indignation. \\'ill you promise. 
 Miss Barri 
 
 She instinctivelv clasped the trunk tightly 
 with both arm- Yes, go on," she whis- 
 pered. 
 
 ' Then do you ever rake hay, milk cows, 
 
Ex Machina 229 
 
 shell peas, fry steaks ? Do you ? Or ever eat 
 pancakes and maple sirup ? Speak ! " 
 
 " Y-yes ; I do all those things, Mr. Man- 
 ners." 
 
 " Did you ever do them before that day in 
 early spring when I saw you entering your 
 carriage ? Did you ? " 
 
 " N-no." 
 
 "Do you like to do these things now?" 
 
 " Y-yes." 
 
 " Didn't you actually hate the very idea of 
 doing such things before that day in early 
 spring? " 
 
 " Y-yes." 
 
 " Then," he demanded solemnly, " why do 
 you do 'em now? Why do you like to do 
 'em? Why do you now desire pie? Why 
 do you digest it? Why are you physically 
 healthy and vigorous and mentally wholesome 
 and happy? Why are your arms no longer 
 as thin as pipe stems, and why are 
 
 " Mr. Manners ! What do you mean to 
 convey to me by this very p-p-personal in- 
 ventory of my physical and mental charac- 
 teristics?" 
 
 " You know," he said gravely. 
 
 " No, I don't know. If if you mean to 
 
230 Sonic I.utiics in I L: 
 
 try to frighten me into believing that \ u 
 are responsible that \>u did this 
 
 " Y,,u kiiou 1 did." 
 
 " I don't! I d.m't! I'm not one of your 
 your dreadful nu-ntal experiments. even if I 
 have suddenly found p 
 pink sunbonnets and g-g-gingham d 
 Even if I have found some\shat suddenly 
 that it's p-p-plcasant an 
 ha\ and set hens and ni-in-milk the l-l-lo 
 
 1 'ink-cheeked. defiant. she clung to her tree 
 trunk, facing him with tremulous courage. 
 
 " You didn't do all this to mo!" she re- 
 peated. "I am not afraid that you did! 
 Y>u couldn't have done it, even if you had 
 been wicked enough to try: :Mn't do 
 
 it no\\. r\ni if \MU tried \\ith all \ "iir mi^ht." 
 
 "Tried \\hat?" he asked gently, f..r the 
 girl was becoming very nuu h r \rited. 
 
 ' \uythinv: tried am tiling . MI me n; 
 nit. in m\>elf. >lide down tin- 
 
 for example! I I defy you t make me 
 do . 
 
 " Do you really challenge r. 
 
 " Yt*t t dOfl I don't believe in your |> 
 I u.-n't believe in them. If you could 
 
" 'I defy you to make me do it ! ' ' 
 
Ex Machine 231 
 
 exercise all kinds of powers, you wouldn't 
 look so helpless and perplexed when I tell 
 you to get me out of this tree." 
 
 " But but you refuse to come down while 
 I'm here, and you refuse to come down if I'm 
 not here/' 
 
 "Certainly I do!" she said tauntingly; 
 " but that ought not to perplex a gentleman 
 of such unusual and occult talents as you 
 possess. Mr. Manners, the problem remains, 
 I believe, to get me out of this tree. You 
 have employed logic; you have gone back 
 months to begin, logically, at the beginning. 
 Now, if you please, either your logic, or your 
 ahem ! magic, ought to start me earth- 
 ward. Proceed ! " 
 
 He looked up at tin- bright, flushed face 
 above; she returned his gaze out of 1u r 
 pretty gray eyes. Her mouth was maliciously 
 sweet ; the two freckles on her nose adorable. 
 
 " There's a way to get you out of a tree," 
 he said. His voice was not quite steady. 
 
 " Thank you " mockingly " I am wait- 
 ing to be wafted to earth." 
 
 " I want to ask you a question first" 
 
 " Dozens, Mr. Manners. Begin." 
 
 " You will not be offended? " 
 
232 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 " I Impt not* 1 
 
 ** I mean if no offense is meant?" 
 
 " No. . . . What is the first question be- 
 fore you waft me to earth ? " 
 
 " Are you engaged to be married to to 
 a farnu i 
 
 " No. I suppose you do not mean to be 
 impertinent." 
 
 " You know I don't," he said, looking IK r 
 so straight in the eyes that a deeper tint of 
 color crept into her tanned clier! 
 
 " No," she said slo\\l>. " I know you could 
 not be rude. What is thr nr\t <|iie>tion? 
 You have the |>rivilcge of a do/< 
 
 " Then 7it>///</ you marr\ a tan* 
 
 " I why if I were in love \ 
 
 M A poor on. 
 
 She dismissed tin- fmaneial aspect of love 
 with a shrug of her pn tt\ >houlders. 
 
 " I see." lie said with a catch in his breath 
 " poor or rich, you'd marry a farmer, if you 
 loved him." 
 
 She nodded, surveying him serenely. 
 
 " You ah perhaps, prefer a farmer to a 
 man of any other ah profession?" He 
 strove to command his voice, but it shook. 
 
 " Perhaps," she said. 
 
Ex Macliina 233 
 
 "Do you?" 
 
 " Y-yes," very cautiously. 
 
 He waited a moment to control his voice, 
 then : " / am a farmer/' he said. 
 
 "Yes?" innocently. 
 
 [< Yes, I am. I have a cow, some accursed 
 vegetables, and a stray hen or two. Where 
 the hens are now I don't know; but they're 
 mine if they're still on earth. Besides that, 
 I have some mining shares worth nothing 
 now, but which air due to rocket skyward in 
 about a year. Other assets are a few dollars, 
 unlimited ambition and energy, some badly 
 burnt and worse starched shirts, and no debts. 
 I I wish to a>k \ on .something." 
 
 " Ask it," she said, dangerously calm. 
 
 He moistened his lips, touched his forehead 
 with his handkerchief, and, looking directly at 
 her, said : 
 
 " I never before saw a woman whom I 
 could care for." And, being truthful, he add- 
 ed, " I mean as much as I care for you. I 
 could easily fall desperately in love with you. 
 You could make me love you without try- 
 ing. A smile the first glimmer of friend- 
 liness in your gray eyes would do it. It will 
 probably happen, anyway." 
 
234 Some l.inlics in Hustc 
 
 She \\aitol. 
 
 in you ever learn to can t<>r a man 
 like me?" he askol. 
 
 - No, Mr. Manin-r 
 
 " If- if \<u could, I'd j^t't you out of that 
 tree in a moment. ' 
 
 "Tin 1 prirr is !<> r\ciivr ; 1 prrtYr the 
 tree, Mr. Mann* 
 
 " lillt J4)d IlravrllN! If \m don't lll.i! 
 
 r\ inr. a fanm-p /n /;;;., \..u an- lial' 
 marry soinr ^rnuiur and drradful ohiu-uhi- 
 .amhlin.L; ru 
 
 * Mr. Man: 
 
 " I ran't lu-lp it ! I ktu>:c\ " li. -ncd 
 
 U--p-ratrl\. " I trratrd \ oil for that ; I 
 \n alriit tn-atmrnt lr it! I su^^cstcd that 
 \>u marr\ a fannrr." 
 
 "That \\a- \n\. M r\ imjunlcnt >f 
 slir >aid !i.tl\ ; " Iwt I 1. .idy told you 
 
 that I refuse to believe in your poun- I 
 di-fy you to inthu-iHH- mr 1>y inrntal sugges- 
 tion ! I I challenge you to make me do one 
 single thing through the exercise of mental 
 suggestion ! " 
 
 Her angry, beautiful face flushed as she 
 spoke ; she bent forward on her perch, brav- 
 ing him. 
 
Macliuia 235 
 
 " I do love you," he said obstinately. 
 
 " I can't help it," she retorted. t4 Besides, 
 it's ridiculous to chase a girl up a tree and 
 sit at the bottom and make love to her." 
 
 " Ridiculous or not," he said, " I do love 
 you. I love you enough to risk being ridicu- 
 lous. I love you too much even to think of 
 mentally suggesting that you love me a little 
 in return." 
 
 " That is perfect nonsense, Mr. Manners ! " 
 
 " N-nonsense ? " 
 
 " Certainly. Just as though you could 
 mentally influence me to love you, if you 
 tried for a year! " 
 
 " I could do it in a minute!" he exclaimed 
 hotly. 
 
 " And I defy you ! " she retorted. " Here 
 I am, sitting upon this branch, unable to get 
 away. Try it, Mr. Manners ! " 
 
 The bright, excited, and scornful challenge 
 stirred him to excitement. 
 
 u You don't know what you are risking," 
 he said. " I I could make you care for me 
 if I wished to. I could get you out of that 
 tree before you knew it, if I wished to. Don't 
 challenge me again, unless you wish to risk 
 more than you desire to." 
 
Sonic Ladies in Haste 
 
 She laughed mockingly and swung her feet 
 to and fro. 
 
 " I give you full permission to try," she 
 said. 
 
 I Ie \\a- >ilrnt. 
 
 " Shame ! " she added, " to let such a chal- 
 lenge pa 
 
 Still lu- \\as >ilnit. 
 
 "And, if you can succeed in taking me 
 down out of thi> tree \\ithout my consent or 
 knowledge." she rmitinurd. "I i^ivr \>u full 
 l>rrmissi< m t> make love to me and make 
 me fall <K s in love with you des- 
 
 rlv. unrra^. Miin-K. blindly. Beside-. 1 
 could not help fallini: violently in love \\ith 
 a man \\lm really could do such thin 
 
 "Even \\ith wir?" he asked, look 
 
 straight up at her. 
 
 " Kveii with yon." 
 
 " \ T\ \\ell." he said, turning a trifle pale. 
 
 1 am going to begin. Please place both 
 arms rather tightly around the trunk of that 
 tre< 
 
 She laughed disdainfully, but compl 
 He stood very still, rigid, silent, looking up 
 at her. For a f nds she wat. lu <1 him. 
 
 scornfully confident ; then his features seemed 
 
Ex Machina 237 
 
 to blur a trifle, and she opened her eyes 
 wider. But the face and figure below grew 
 vague and hazy. 
 
 " Hold very tight," he said gently. And 
 she heard his voice and obeyed, dazed. 
 
 " I think I think you are sleeping," he 
 said. She did not answer; she no longer 
 heard him. 
 
 Then he sprang into the branches and 
 climbed swiftly upward, and very, very gently 
 unclasped her arms from the tree trunk. She 
 was not heavy, but the descent was slow and 
 perilous as he climbed lower and lower, step- 
 ping from limb to limb, his slumbering bur- 
 den clasped tightly in one arm. 
 
 At last he hung by his free arm from the 
 lowest branch, looked down coolly, and 
 dropped. 
 
 And now she lay back against the base of 
 the tree, eyes closed, pink sunbonnet fallen 
 back, adorable lips half parted, her tanned 
 hands lying limp in her lap. 
 
 Manners stood watching her. 
 
 " I could love you," he murmured, " too 
 much to make you care for such a man as I 
 am. I I do love you, and I leave your heart 
 as free of love as when I first laid eyes on 
 
238 Sonic Ladies in Haste 
 
 \ou. ... So you may wake now gently 
 happily care free, heart five. . . . Wake, 
 Ethra!" 
 
 Slowly the gray eyes unclosed. Meeting 
 hi* they opened wider, languid. Miiiling. un- 
 afraid. Then she raided her body on one arm. 
 looked around, upward, then turned her head 
 suiltls. eye* dilating and clearing with com- 
 prehension. 
 
 The next moment n- to 1 
 
 cast a swift glance up into the hr.nu In -. 
 caught her breath, and. facing him, took an 
 un>tead> >tcp lackv.ard I 
 trunk. 
 
 " You you did do it ! -lu gasped. 
 es, You mu>t not be afraid." 
 
 ' I I am." 
 
 * ^"oll need not 
 
 "I inn\ I I dared yti to do it. You 
 have done it. I d-dared you to m-make me 
 love you." 
 
 " I did not do //; 
 
 " O-oh ! I don't know I don't know 
 whether you have done that or not!" she 
 cried. " You could have; I defied you to; I 
 offered to let you. If you did not do it, 
 did you not ? " 
 
Ex Macliina 239 
 
 " Because I love you." 
 
 " Then why didn't you ? " 
 
 " Because I love you." 
 
 " Oh ! " 
 
 She looked at him, still a little dazed, still 
 frightened, uncertain. 
 
 He said in a low voice : " Do you now be- 
 lieve all that I told you ? " 
 
 Yes oh, yes, I do." 
 
 "All?" 
 
 " Yes, all." 
 
 " About the mental treatment I gave you 
 on that fatal day last spring when I saw you 
 entering your carriage ? " 
 
 " Yes, I believe it." 
 
 " And and that you still stand in peril of 
 marrying a farmer a thing of overalls, whis- 
 kers, and pitchforks ! an absurd and revolt- 
 ing parody on 
 
 " D-don't let me ! " she stammered, moving 
 impulsively toward him. " You you won't 
 let me do such a thing, will yoUj^Mr. Man- 
 ners ? " still advancing, both little hands out- 
 stretched. 
 
 " I can't help it," he said miserably. " I 
 can't reverse mental treatment ; I don't know 
 how. All I can do is to modify it in a 
 
240 Sonic Ladies in I In 
 
 measure by directing it more definitely toward 
 some designated individual." 
 
 "Then then d-direet it toward s-s-some 
 individual. Mr. Manners. Don't leave me 
 with this promiscuous rural terror to haunt 
 IIH-! Dm'i go away and leave me this indefi- 
 nite' llOITOr inenarrd by the mtiiv clodhop- 
 ping population of the I'nitt d Sta! 
 
 " What shall I do?" he asked, profoundly 
 affeetcd h\ her diMnax. 
 
 " Oh," she pleaded, as he gently took her 
 out>tretelu-d and pathetic hand-. " it is the 
 horrid uncertainty that 1 cannot endure. You 
 have defined me for the h-h-hride of some 
 farmer. If I've g-g-got to marry a far 
 I want to know what lie's like, whether he 
 wears his coat in the house, whether he 
 USd a knife for a fork! < >h oh. this is too 
 dreadful too too dreadful! I I'm afraid 
 
 afraid! 
 
 She broke down, innocently concealing her 
 Mainrd fare in the first convenient nook 
 that offered. It ehaneed to be the scorched 
 shirt front of Mr. Manners. He thought!- 
 put both arms around her. Then they both 
 became absent-minded, for he mentioned her 
 name several times as " Kthra." and " Sweet- 
 
Machina 241 
 
 heart," and her arms lay most carelessly 
 around his neck, and she offered no explana- 
 tion of the phenomenon. 
 
 " D-darling ! " 
 
 " W-what ? " she sobbed, although she had 
 never before answered to such an indefinite 
 cognomen. 
 
 " D-do you hate me?" 
 
 " N-no." 
 
 " I I didn't know," he faltered. 
 
 " W-well / do, and I don't." 
 
 With which strangely paradoxical observa- 
 tion she managed to find her handkerchief 
 and dry her tears. Then she raised her head 
 and looked up at him. 
 
 A curiously absent-minded expression crept 
 into their eyes; their actions, too, were ut- 
 terly illogical. However, they said absolutely 
 nothing. They couldn't. 
 
 At last her pretty lips found an opportunity. 
 
 " I wonder," she said, " how we can do 
 such things ... as though we had been ac- 
 customed to them. . . . Dear, you had no 
 need to employ your talents on me ; I : I 
 wasn't really afraid to come down ; I was only 
 afraid you'd go away if I did. . . . And and, 
 dearest, I I be I b-b-began to love you up 
 
242 Some Ladies in Haste 
 
 in the tree a little, just a little. ... I think 
 I am a trifle tired. . . . Shall \\e -it lure 
 under our blessed, blessed tree?" 
 
 He looked hopeles>l\ int> the j^r.i 
 
 " Darling," he said. "1-1 ean't -it down in 
 in this g-g-garment. Don't ask me to go 
 into details, only the the starch " 
 
 She gazed at her lover in infinite pity. I 
 think 1 understand." she said very softly. 
 
 And together they passed out into the sun- 
 shine, his arm around her \vai*t. her lovely 
 head nestling against his shoulder. 
 
 TIIK END 
 
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