L al y UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES O'hara, Kane. Midas. 1771. The golden pippin. 1773. The two misers . 1775 . Dlbdin, Charles. The deserter. 1776. The wedding ring. 1773. The waterman. 1775. TFrontispiece, MIDAS: A N Englifh Burletta, (IN TWO ACTS.) As it is performed at the T H E A T R E-R O Y A L 1 N COFENT- GARDEN. THE SIXTH EDITION. LONDON: Printed for T. Low N DBS, in Fleet-Street; W. GRIFFIN, in Catharine-Street; and W. N i c L L, in St. PauFs Church- Yard. 1771. ( Price it. } 59608 DRAMATIS PERSONS. Jupiter - Mr. Leg^. Juno - - Mrs. Stevens. Apollo - - Mr. Mattocks. Pan - - Mr. Dunftall. MORTALS. Midas - Mr. Shuter. Damastas -- Mr. Barnfliaw. Sileno - - Mr. Baker. Myfis - Mrs.Thompfon. Daphne - Mrs. Baker. Nyfa - - Mrs. Mattocks,- SCENE, firft on Mount Olympus^ after- wards on the Pafliires of Lydia. PR 36(9 S~ O/7AI3 MIDAS. , A C T I. SCENE I. The curtain rifing difcovers the Heathen Deities, feated amidft the clouds, in full council : they addrefs Jupiter in Chorus, accompanied by all the inftruments. Chorus of all the Gods. , in his chair, Ofthejky Lor d- May' r, With his nods Men and Gods Keeps in awe j When he ivinks> Heaven Jhrinki ; When hefpeaks t Hell fqueaks ; Earth's ghbe is but his taw, Cock cfthefchool He bears defpotic rult . His word Tbt? abfurd e laiv. A 3 6 MIDAS. Even Fate, Tho 1 fo great, Mnjl not prat e\ Hii bald pate "Jove would cuff, He's fo bluff, For ajlraw. Cow'd de-ties, Like mice in chetfe, To flir muft ceaje, Or gnaw. Jup. (fifing.} Immortals^ you have heard your plaintive fov'reign^ And culprit Sol's hiiih crimes. Shall we who govern, Brook fpies upon us? Shall Apollo trample On our commands? We'll make him an example. As for you, Juno, curb your prying temper, or We'll make you, to your coft, know we're your em- peror. Juno. I'll take the law. (to Jup.) My pro&or, with a fummons Shall cite you, Sir, t'appear at Do&ors Commons. "Jup. Let him but firft I'll chafe from Heaven yon- varlet. . What, for detecting you and your vile harlot!' AIR II. TJiink not, kwd Jove, Thus to wrong my chafle love ; For, fpite of y4ur rakehelly godhead, By day and by night, Juny ^vill have her right, Nor be, of dues nuptial, defrauded. Til ferrit the haunts Of your female gallants ; In vain you in darknefi entlefe them } Tour favourite jades, Til plunge to the /hades, Or IK to cows metamsrpJiofe them. JuP. MIDAS. 7 Jup. Peace termagant -I fwear by Styx, our thunder Shall hurl him to the earth Nay never wonder, I've fworn it, goas. Apollo. Hold, hold^ have patience, Papa No bowels for your own relations f A I R IIP, Be ly your friend* advifed, Too bar fa too hajly clad ! Maugre your bolts, and wife head) The world will think you mad* What wsrfe can Bacchus teach men. His roaring bucks, when drunk , Than break the lamps, beat watchmen, And Jl agger to fame purtk ? Jap. You faucy fcoundrel there fir Come Di order, Down Phcebus, down to earth, we'll hear no farther. Roll, thunders, roll; blue lightnings flalh about him, The blab fliall find our fky can do without him. Thunder and lightning. "Jupiter darts a boh at him, he falls Jupiter re-affumes his thrcne, and the Gods 'ail afcend together, finging the initial chorus: Jove^ in his chair, &c. A 4 SCENE MIDAS. SCENE II. A champaign country with a diftant Village ; vloltntjlo^m of thunder and lightning. A Jhepberd fleeping in the feld is roiifed by it and runs aivay frighted, leaving hh cloak, hat, andguittar, behind him. Avo\]o (as ca/i from heaven} falls to the earth, with a rude Jhock, and lies for a while Jiunnd: at length he begins to move* rifes, advances, 'and looking forward fpeaks. After which, enters to him Sileno. ApoJ. Zooks ! what acrufh ! a pretty decent tumble Kind ufage, Mr. Jove fweetfir, your humble. Well, down I am ; no bones broke tho' fore pep- per'd ! Here doom'd to ftay. What can I do? turn fbep- herd. [Puts on the cloak, &. A lucky thought. In this difguif?, Apollo No more, but Pol the Twain, fome flock I'll follow. Nor doubt I, with my voice, guittar, and perfon, Among the nymphs to kick up fome diverfion. Sileny. Whom have we here! a fightly clown! and fturdy: Hum plays, I fee, upon the hurdy-gurdy. Seems out of place a ftranger, all in tatters, I'll hue him he'll divert my wife and daughters. Whence, and what art thou, boy? Pol. An orphan lad, fir ! Pol, is my name; a fhepherd once my dad, fir; 1'th' upper pares here tho' not born to ferving, 1'il now take on, for faiih I'm aimoft ftarving. Sileno You've drawn a prize i'th' lottery. So have 1 roo ; Why, I'm the mafter you could bed apply to. A I R M I D A S. AIR IV. Since you mean to hire for fervice, Come with rne, you jolty dig; Ton can help to bring home harve/l, Tend thejheep, and feed the hog. Fa la la* With three crowns, your Jlanding wages, YcufialldaintUy L-fal; Bacon, beans^ fait beef, cabbages, }$utttr-miLk, and oaten-bread. Fa la la. tike hands? you'll live in clever, When we get you once at home, And whtn daily labour's over We'll all dance to your Jlrumjlrum. Fa la la. Pol. IJlrike hands, I take your offer, Farther on I may fare worfe ; Zooks, I can no longer fuffer Hungry guts, and empty purfe. Fa la la. Sil. Do, Jlrike hands-, 'tis kind I offer ; Pol. Iftrike hands, and take your offer; Sil. Farther feeking you II fare worje', Pol . Farther on I may fare worfe. Sil. Pityjuch a lad jhwld fuffer, Pol . Zooks, I can no longer fuffer, Sil. Hungry guts, and empty purfe. Pol. Hungry guts, and empty purfe. Fa la la. Exeunt, dancing r,nd finging. SCENE * U I Er A 3. SCENE III. S i L E N o's Farm-Houfe^ Enter Daphne and Nyfa, Myfis following behind* Daph. But Nyfa, how goes on fquire Midas' court- fhip? Nyf. Your fweet Damestas^ pimp to his great wor- fhip, Brought me from hfm a purfe; but the conditions- I've cur'd him, I believe, o,' fuch commiffions. Daph. The moo-n-ca-if! This muft blaft him with my father. fyf. Right. So we are rid of the two frights to- gether. Both. Ha! ha! haU-Ha! ha! ha! Myf. Hey-day ! what mare's ncft's found ? ~ For ever grinning : Ye rantipoies is't thus ye mind your fpinning ? AIR V. Girls are knsivn To mifMsf profify Ifwer they be idle* Who would rear Two daughters fair y Muft hdd ajhady bridle: For here tbeyftipy And there they trip^ And this end that wayjidlf. Giddy maidsy Poor filly jades \ Alt after men are gadding ; Tlieyfiirt pell-mell, Thtir train tbjwell, To t They re cock-a-hocp And Jtt their mothers madding. S C E N t MIDAS. ic SCENE IV. Buicr Sileno introducing Pol. SIL Now, dame and girls, no more let's hear you grumble At too hard toil j I chanc'd, juft now, to ftumble On this ftout drudge and hir'd him ft for labour. To'm lad then he can play, andfing, and caper. Myj. Fine rubbifh to bring home ; a ftrolling thiummer! (to Pol.) What art thou good for? fpeak, thou ragged mummer? N)f. Mother, for fhame Myf Peace, ftucebox, or I'll maul you. Pil. Goody, my ftreegth and parts you under-value. For his and your work, I'm bnfk and handy. Dapb. A lad cheat elfe - Myf. What you, you jack- a-dandy? AIR VI. Pravt goody, pleafe to moderate the rancour of yew tongue : Wbvjlajh thofe fparks of fury from your eyes ? Remember iuhen ibejudgmeni 's weak^ the prejudiceisjirang,. AJlranger why will you defeife ? Ply me, Try me, Prove, ere you deny me: If you ca/i me Off^ you blafl me Never more to rifei Myf, Sirran, this infolence deferves a drubbing. Nyf. With what fweet temper he bears all her fnubing ! (aftde.) Si/. Oons, no more words. Go, boy, and get your dinner. SCENE fi MIDAS, SCENE V. Ivfyfis, Sileno, Nyfa, Daphne. 5/7. Fyc, why To crofs-grain'd to a young beginner? Nyf. So mofleft ! Daph. So genteel ! SiL (to Myf.) Not pert, nor lumpifh. Myf. Would he were hang'd ! fyf. and Dapb. La ! mother, why fo frumpifh ? A I R VII. Nyf. Mama* bow can you be fa ill-natur'd. To the gentle, handfome fwain ? Daph. To a lad) Jo limfrd, fofeatur'd, Sure 'tis cruel to give pain. Sure 'tis c^uel, &JV. Myf. Girls , for you ray fears perplex me y I'm alarm d on your account : Si I. Wife i in vain you telze and vex me t I wilt rule depend upon't. Nyf. Ah! ah! Daf h. Mama ! Nyf. and ? Matna^ how can you be fo ill-natur'd, Daph. j d/}, ah, toaladfolimb'dandfeatur'd? Nyf. and 7 To the gentle^ handfome fwain^ Daph. 3 Sure 'tis cruel to give pain ; Nyf. and 7 Sure 'tis cruel to give pain t Daph. J To the gentle^ handfome fwain. Myf. G/r/J, for you my fears perplex me ; Tm alarm d on your account, Sil Wife, in vain you teize and vex me ; 1 will rule, depend upon't. Nyf. 7 Mama / Myf. i PJta! Pjha! Daph. 1 Papa, hi!. j Ah! Ah! Daph. 1 Mama, how can you be fo ill-naturd, bil. > Pjbdj pfia, you mufl net be fo ill naturd^ Nyf. J Ah, ah, to a ladfo limb'd, fo featurd? MIDAS. Da ph. "1 To the gentle bandfome Sil. I He's a gentle kandfome /wain. Nyf. I Sure 'tis cruel to give pain. Myf. J "Tis my pleafure to give pain. Daph. "J Sure 'tis cruel to give pain. Sil. I He's a gentle , bandfonie fwain. Nyf. f 70 the gentle i handfome fwain. Myf. J To your odious > fan* rite fwain. SCENE Vf. Enter Midas and Damsetas. Mid. Nyfa, you fay, refus'd the guineas Britifh. Darn. Ah ! pleafe your worfhip file is wond'rous fkittifli. Mid. I'll have her, coft what 'twill. Odfbobs I'll force her Dam. The halter Mid. As for Madam, I'll divorce her. > Some favoured lout in cog our blifs oppofes. Dam. Aye, Pol, the hind, puts out of joint our nofes. Mid. I've heard of that Pol's tricks, of his fly tampering To fling poor Pan, but I'll foon fend him fcampering 1 . 'Sblood I'll commit him drive him to the gallows ! Where is old Pan ? Dam* Tipling, Sir, at th' ale-houfe. Mid. Run, fetch him we fhail hit on forr.e expe- dient. To rout this Pol. Dam, I fly; (foing, returns) Sir, your obedient. SCENE 14 MIDAS. SCENE VII. What boots my being 'Squire, Juftice of Peace, and Quorum; Church-warden Knight o'th' Shire, And Cufto^, Rotulorum ; If faucy little Ny/a's heart rebellious, My 'iquirefaip flights, and hankers after fellows? A I R VIII. Shall a paltry clown, not fit to wipe myjhoes a Dare my amwr i to crofs ? Shall a peajant minx, wbeii Juftice Midas woes, Her mfe up at him to(s? Nt : III kidnap then poffefs Inr : Ttljfil her Pot ajlave? get mundungus in exchange $ So glut to the height ofpleafure t My love and my revenue. No: f II kidnap t &c. [Exit, SCENE VIII. ^an is d'lfcwer'd fitting at a table, with a tanfcatdi, pipes and tobacco, before hiip j his bagpipes lying by him. AIR IX. 'Jupiter wenches and drink:, He rules the roaji in thejky ; Yet he's a foot if he thinks. That ht's as happy as J : Juno rates him y And grates him^ And leads his highnejs a weary life ; - / have my AT/}, And my glafs? Aqdjlroll a batchelor's merry life. . MIDAS. Let Tet cringe to bis harridans furbelow ; To my fair tulips, 1 gltfW UpS, And clink the iunnikiu htrt SCENE; ix. DAMJETAS, PAN. Dam. There fits the old (baker-. his pate troubling little How the world wags : fo he gets drink and vittle.'.. . . Hoa, mailer Pan Gad you've trod on a thiftie ! You may pack up your all, fir, and go whittle. The wenches have turn'd tail-^-to yon buck-ranter : Tickled by his guittar they fgorn your chanter. AIR X. All around the maypole how they trot. Hot Pot, And good ale. have got ; Routing* Shouting, At you flouting. Fleering, Jeering^ And what net. There is old SilenofriJ&s like a mad Lad* Glad To fee us fad; Cap'riitg) Vap'ring ; While Pol, fcraping? Coaxes The laffes A* be did the dad. $ C E N E 16 M I D A S. SCENE X. MYSIS, PAN. Myf. O Pan ! the devil to pay both my fiut frantic ! Both in their tantrums, for yon c^p'ring antic. But I'll go feek 'em all and if I find 'cm, I'll drive 'em as if Old Nick wers behind 'em. [Going. Pan. Soa, foa don't flounce ; Avail difguife your fury. Pol we (hall trounce ; Midas is judge and jury. AIR Xf. Myf. Sure I Jhall run with vexation diftraftedy I'D fee my purpofes thus counteracted! This way or that way, or which way foever 9 All things run contrary to my endeavour. Daughters projecting 'Their ruin and Jl;ame> Fathers neglecting The care of their fame ; Nurjing in bofom a treacherous viper' Here's a fine dance but 'tis he pays the piper. [Exeunt. SCENE XI. A wood and lawn^ near Sileno'j farm^ flocks grazing at a diflance a tender Jlow Jymphony. Daphne crojjes melancholic andfilent \ Nyfa watching her. [Then Daphne returns running, Nyf. O hoi is it fo Mifs Daphne in the dumps ? Mum fnug's the word I'll lead her fuch a dance Shall make her ftir her flumps. To all her fecret haunts, Like her fhadow, I'll follow and watch her: And, faith, mama (hall hear on'tif I catch her. [Retires. M I D AS. 17 t)aph. La; how my heart goes pit-a-pat! what thumping *er fince my father brought us home this bumpkin. A I R XII. He's as tight a lad to fee to, As eerjlept in leather jhoe^ And, what's better^ bell love me too t And to him fit prove true blue* < Tho' my fifter cafls a Hawk's eye t 1 defy ivhat Jhe can do. He o erlook'd the little doxy^ I'm the girl he means to woo. Hither 1 Jlole out to meet him. He'll, no doubt, myjleps purfue^ If the youth prove true, I'll Jit him ;' Jfhe'sfa/fe I'll fa him too. SCENE XIL DAPHNE, POL. Pi>L Think o' the Devil 'tis faid, He's at your fhoulder This wench was running in my head, And pop behold her. AIR XIII. Lcvefy nymyh, affwage my anguljh. At your feet a tender fwain Prays you will not let him languijh, One kind look would eafe hii pain. Did you know the lad who courts you y He not long needs fuc in vain ; Pfittct of fan?, of dance, ofjports yiu &arce ivill meet ha like again. B Dafb. MIDAS. . Sir; you're fuch an oglio, Ofperfe&iofi in folio, No damfel can refift you : Your face fo a'traflive Limbs fo fupp'e and ac-live, That by this light,' At the tirft fight, I could have run and kifs'J you. A I R XIV. If you can caper, as well as you modulate, IVith the addition of that pretty face, Pan, who was held by our fhepherds a God o 1 late? Will be kick'd out, andysufet in his place. His beard fofrowfy, his geftures fo aukward are, Jlnd his bagpipe has fo drowfy a drone, *hat if they find y>u, as I did, no backwarder, You may count on all the girls as your own. Myf. (from within.) Po!, Pol, make hafte, corae hither. Po/. Death, what a time to call ! Oh ! rot your old Jungs of leather. B'ye Daph. Daph. B'ye Pol. SCENE xnr. NYSA, DAPHNE. Nyf. Marry come up, forfooth, is't me, you forward vixen, You choofe to play your tricks on j And could your liquonfh tooth Find none but my fweetheart to fix on ? Daph. Marry come up again, Indeed, my dirty coufin ! Have you a right to every fwaio ? Nyf. Ay, tho' a dozen. A-J R U I D A S. 19 AIR XV. Djph. My minikin mifs, do you fancy that Pol Gun ever be caught ly an infant's fiol ? N)'f. Can you, Mifs Maypole, fuppofe he will fall In hve with the giant efs of Guild -hall? Daoh. Pigmy df, Nyf. Colo ff us iifclf, Both, You will lie till you re mouldy upon thejhdf. Daph. Youjlump oil? gutter > you hop ai'my thumb ^ A hujbctnd for you inuft from Liltiput come. Nyf. Youftalkingjheple, you gawky ft a^* Your hufband mujl come from Brogd'.gnag, Daph. Sour grapes, Nyf. Lead apes, Both. F II humble your -vanity, tniftrefs Trapes. Daph. Mifs, your ajfurance Nyf. And, mifs,.your high airs Daph. Is pa ft all endurance. Nyf. Are at their lajt prayrs. Daph. N Ey ' in i of ongees and of fcrapes Sil. Theie. are thy flanders and that canker'd hag's. Dam. A thing made up o r pilfer'd rags Sit. Richer than ihou with all thy brags Of flocks, and herds, and money bags. AIR VI. If a rival thy char after draw^ in pe" fiction bell find out a flaw; IV lib black he will paint ^ Make a dill of a fa 'int , And change to an owl a maccaw. Pam. Can a father pretend to be wi,l^ Who his friend's good advice will defptfe? Who) when danger is nigh^ Throw* bis fp'.flacles by, And blinks through a green girts eyes? Sil. You're an tmpudent pimp and a grub. Pam. You are fooled by a beggarly fcrub - t Your betten you fnub. Sil. Who will lend me a club^ This inljolent puppy to drub ? You're an impudent pimp and a grul 9 Dam. You're cajrfd by a beggarly fcruh^ Sil. Who will rot in a powdering tub. Dam. Whom the prince ofimpoflures 1 dn,b ; Sil. A guinea for a club y Dam. Your bald pate you II ruby JSil. This muc/nvorm to drub. Dam. When yiu find that vour cub Sil. Rub off) Jirrah-f rub, Jirrah, rub. Dam, L debauch' d by a wbijf d fyllabub. [Exeunt. SCENE JT/Vr Myfis attended by Daphne 26 MIDAS. SCENE VI. . 7 XT _./_ Soh! you attend the tryal we fhall drive hence v Your vagabond Sit, I fmoke your foul contrivance. Daph. Ah Ny, our fate depends upon this ifTue JS}/. Daph. for your fake, my claim I here forego j And wkh your Pol much icy I vvifli you. Daph. O, gemini, fay'ft thou me fo ? Dear crearme, let me kifs you. Nyf. Let's kneel, and beg his ftay, papa will back us, Daph. Mama wiil ftorm. AJJ/. What then, fhe can but whack us. A i R vrr. Daph.. Jl father^ Jure you Will endeavour To (HJJever From my favour SoJ-weet a fwain ! Nsnefo clever E'er trod the plain. Nyf. Father-, hopes you gave ber y Don't deceive her j Can you leave her Sunk for ever In pining care? Hafte and fave her From black defpair", Daph. Think of bis m o deft grace ^ His voi(e y Jhape^ andfacf ; Nyf. Hearts alarming, Daph. Jiujbm* warming^ Nyf. H rath dij arming, Daph. With hisfoft lay: ]Nyf. Hesfo charming, Ay, let himjlay, |oth. He'sfo charming, &c* MIDAS. 27 Myf. Sluts, are you lojl io Jhame ? jSil. Wife, -wife, be more tame. Myf. This is rnadnefs ! Sil. Sober fadnefs ! Myf. / with gladnefs Cou'd fee him fwing, For bis badnefs. Sil. 'Tis no fuch thing. Dam. Muft Pan rejign, to thisfop y bis employment ? Muft I, to him, yield of Dapb. the enjoyment? Myf. Ne'er while a tongue / brandijh, Fop outlandi/h, Dapb.JhallblandiJh. Dam. Will you rejett my income, Herds and dinkum ? Sil. Rot and Jink 'em. Dam. Midas mujl judge. Myf. And Pol mttftfly. Sil. Zounds, Pol Jhan't budge : Myf. You lye ; Dam. You lye : Myf. 7 Dam. > YOU /ye, you lye. Sil. J Ny f. Pan's drone is ft for wild rocks and bleak mountains ; l)aph. Pars lyrefuits befl our cool grots and clear fountains. Nyf. Pol is young and merry ; Daph., Light and airy t Sil. As a fairy. Nyf. Pan is old and mufly $ Daph. Stif and fufly ; Sil. Sour and crufly. Daph. Can you banijh Pol? Nyf. No, noi no t ng. Let Pan fall. S C EN Nyf. 7 Daph. >./fy, let him go. M SCENE Vir. Midas comes forth enrag'd, attended ly a Crowd of Nymphs and Swains. Mid. Peace, ho ! is hell broke loofe ? what means this jawing ? Under my very ncfethis clapper clawing ! A I R VIII. What the devlTs here to da, Ye logger-heads and gypfees ? Sirrah you, and hujfey you, And each of you tipjey is : . But III asfure full down your pride as A gun, or as I'mjuftice Midas. CHORUS. O tremendous juftice Midas ; \['ho Jhall oppofe wife jtiftice Midas? AIR IX. Mid. I'm given to underftandthatysure all in a pother here, Difputing whether Pan or Pol Jhall play to you another year. Dare you think your clumfy lugs fo proper to decide, as 7 he delicate ears ofjujtice Midas ? Chorus. O tremendous, fcfr. Mid. Soh, you allow it then Ye mobbifh rabble ' S C E N E VIII. Enter Pol and Pan federally. Oh, here comes Pol and Pan now ftint your gabble. Fetch my great chair I'll quickly end th;s fquabble. A I R MIDAS. 29 AIR X. Now I'm feat ed^ III be treated Like the fopbl on bis throw,] In my prejence, Scoundrel pea/ants, Shall not call their fouls their own* My bebejl is, He who bejl is, Shall be fix' d muficlan chief: Ne'er the hfer, Shall Jbew nefe here, But be transported like a thief, Chorus. O tremendous, &c. Dam. Mafters, will you abide by this condition ? Pan. I afk no better. Pol. 1 am all fubmiffion. Pan. Strike up, fweet Sir. Pol. Sir, I attend your leifure. Mid. Pan, take the lead. "Pan. Since 'tis your worfhip's pleafure. AIR XI. jf pox of your pother about this or tbot; Your /brie king or fqueaking, a Jharp or a flat : fm /harp by my bumpers, you're flat, majler Pol-, So here goes afet to at toll-de-roll-loll. When Beauty her pack of poor lovers would hamper^ And after Mifs Will o' the Wbifp the fools fcamper ; Ding dong, injingfong, they the lady extol: Pray what's all tkisfufsfor, but toll-de-roll loll. Mankind are a medley a chance medley race ; Allflart in full cry, to give dame Fortune chace : There's catch as catch can, hit or mifs, luck is all ; And luck's the bejl tune of life's toll- de-roll- lull. I've done, pleafe your wjorjhip, 'tis rather to 3 long ; / only meant life is but an old Jong : 7 he world's but a tragedy, comedy, droll \ all aR the feme of tall- de-r oil-loll. $o M I D A S. Mid. By jingo, well perform'd for one of his age j How, hang dog, don't you bluih to (hew your vifage ? Pel. Why, mafter Midas, for that matter, 'Tis enough todafh OIK, To hear the arbitrator, In fuch unfeemly fafliion, One of the candidates befp;;fter, With fo much partial paflion. [Mi dai falls ajleep. A I R XII. Ah* happy hour*, bow fleeting Ye danc'd on down away ; When my foft vows repeating^ At Daphne's feet Hay ! Hut from her charms As Midas' frowns pr ef age ; Each hour will feem an hundred \ Jiacb day appear an age. Mid. Silence - this juft decree, all, at your peril, Obedient hear - elfe I (hall ufe you very ill. THE DECREE. Pan Jhail remain ; Pol quit the plain. Chorus. Ob tremendous^ &c. Mid. All bow with rr.e to mighty Pan - enthrone ^Jo pouting and with fcftal chorus crown him [The crowd form two ranks lefide the chair ; and join in the chorus^ whilft Midas crowns him with bays.} CHORUS. Set) triumphant fits the bard y Crown d with bays^ his due reward ; Exll'd Poljball wander far ; ExiTd twang his faint guittar \ While^ tvitb t echoing Jhouts of praife t We the bagbipii glory raije.. Mid. MIDAS. 31 Mid. 'Tis well. What keeps you here, you ragamuffin ? Go trudge or do you wait for a good cuffing ? Pal. Now, all attend. ['Throws off" his difgnife t and appears as Apollo.] The wrath of Jove, for rapine, Corruption, luft, pride, fraud, there's no efcaping. Tremble, thou wretch: thou'ft ftretch'd thy utmoft tether ; Thou and thy tools (hall go to pot together. A I R XIII. Dunce , I did but flam. For Apollo 1 am, God of mufic, and king cf Parnafs : Thy f curvy decree, For Pan agdlnft me, I reward with the ears of an eft, Mid. Deteaed, baulk'd, and fmall, On our marrow-bones we fall. Myf. Be merciful. Dam. Be pitiful. Mid. Forgive us, mighty Sol Alas 1 alas! A I R XIV. Apol. 71)011 a Btllingfgate quean, \.to My Thou a pandar obfcene, [to Dam. With Jirumpets and bailiffs /ball dafs\ . Tbcut driven from man, [to Mid. Shalt wander with Pan, He ajlinklng old goat > thou an aft, anafr t &c. Be^thou fqtitre his eflatc [to Sil. To thee 1 tranjlate. To you bis flrong cktfts* wicked mafs : Lhebappy, while I, Recall 'd to thefiy, jti&ke all the Gads Iwgb at Midas, Daph. Dramatis Perfonas, JUPITER, MQMUS, PARIS, The DRAGOT, W JUNO, PALLAS, VENUS, IRIS, ERYNNIS, MEN. Mr. REINHOLD. Mr. Du BELLAMY. MR. QUICK. Mr. MATTOCKS. Mr. BUTTON. O M E N. Mifs CATLIY. Mrs. BAKER. Mrs. MATTOCKS. Mifs VALOIS. Mr. BAK ':-., THE oooo ooosooosoooooooooaooooocp^y^V^ttxjMaooocoot aooo THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. ACT L SCENE I. Curtain rijlng, difcoVers a Splendid JPavilion in the Clouds ; JUNO, PALLAS, and VENUS at a Card-Table playing at Tredrille j on one Side a Table, 'with Goblets, &c. IRIS, in Wai ting* During a Symphony, VENUS fiitffles and PALLAS frets at her bad Cards. AIR. TRIO. Francefco. PALLAS, JUNO, VENUS. r PALLAS. * Pafs Pve done fo all the night. Jurib. / take a Kzng, t take a King. Ven. Pray, Ladies, flay. Pray, Ladles, flay. 1*11 flay dome. B Juno, 4 THE GOLD S EN P 1 P P I N, Ju no. i Again ? Elefs me again ! Pal. 5 Again t Ven. i Diamonds are Trumps. Pal. 5 Blefsmef again? Juno, i (to Venus) Tou fcarcely Pafs one htind* > in ten. Pal. J(peevifhly) The Cards owe me a fpite. (to Venus) This Lady knows you ; fo do 1. Tou dealt tie Cards and we could ffy. Ven. (throws down her game) 'The Vol is won. The Vol is won with Matadors. Pal. Spadille at bottom fie ! Ven. T With Matadors. Juno. I (to Palks) Such hints arejhocking, Mam. Pal. Cheats are provoking, Mam. Ven. 7 Lord, fuch a rout ! Pal. V Cheats are provoking. Mam. Ven. T Lord, fuch a rout ! Juno. [ (to Pallas) Quite flocking fie f Pal. J Cheats are provoking fie ! Ven. 7 But lofers muft have leave to pout* Pal. y Cheats are provoking^ Mam. Ven. f But lofers muft ha* leave to pout. Juno. S (to Pallas) Such terms are Jho eking > Mam.' Ven. ) But lofers, &c. Pal. 5- Cheats are y &e. 7 Juno. J Such terms, &c. S (Juno and Pallas rife in heat, and come forward. Venus fits ftill, counting . and pocketing her gains.) R E C I- THE GOLDEN PIPPIN, RECITATIVE. Pal (miftily) Hang cards ! Juno. You're out-o' luck 1 Pal. As I'm a finner ! I haven't fince lad Chriftmas ris'n a winner. Juno. That's hard! So bad a run may well chagrin one : Venus is quite a dab. Pal. Dab ! - She's a keen one ; At all games plays th* whole game. Juno. Aye, aye! Pal. Match none has ; For Height of hand, will flip an ace with Jonas. Juno. Gambles deep too 1 Pal. Well may -who never lofes : At Putt, poor girls ! fh* as beggar'd the Nine Mufes i Fine as a Queen o' ginger-bread parades it -, But ne'er 'has paid the wages of her Maids yet. Juno, (laughing) Like enough for the Graces, and 'tis fcandalous, Go mother-naked. Pal. (with fpken ) Skin-flint ! fo to randle us! 'Twould vex a faint. B 2 AIR t THE GOLDEN PIPPIN, AIR II. Dooralin, A thriving trade The nimmingjade Has picked up, here, of choufing us -, With Jly fiim-fiams, And palming Jhatns, 4t Brothel learnt, or Bouzing-loufe ! [Turning to Ven. iniblently.J You muft purloin, In duds to foine So dizcrfd there's no boa w? you But the next coin Tou nab of mine, By Pam ! /'// pluck a crow wi' you. RECITATIVE. Juno, (in difapprobation) Nay, Pallas ! [Venus advances to them, failing jocofdy at Pallas. ] Yen. (in banter} Mifs, you're ^funny, Poor dear ! has't loft it' temper with it' money ? ha! ha! ha! Pal (exafperated) Pert chitty face ! 'caufe leud fops call you pretty ; You fancy thofe patch- clenches fmart and witty. Ven. (gibing) Pretty ! the fools ! do they, indeed ? >Ah, tell us. jfal. (contemptuovjly) Conceited moppet ! Yen. (waggifoly) Sure, Mils, you a'n't jealous. [Takes out a pocket-glafs, and views herfelf ' affectedly.] A I R THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. AIR HI, Lafchi and GalluppL If I have fame little beauty Can I help it? No, not /; Some good luck \oo 'tis my duty Gifts fo -precious to apply. Nature Fortune gave 'em freely; And Til ufe 'em quite genteelly. If the Smarts of the Sky Cringe, ogle, andfigh, Whene'er I pafi by -, And cry, Looky there ! What an air / Gods, how fair / Pray, why (0 feed your ftarch'd pride) Muft I go and hide, "fill you're made a bride ? Who, I? ffo, no- If I do, may I die. HEC I- fr THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. RECITATIVE. Pal (incenfed) Don't rouze me, Bold- face ! if your tongue's fo flippant, I'll take y* a chuck as mall chop off the tip on't. [Pallas advances upon her ; Jhe takes Jhelter behind Juno.] Ven. (in fear^ /creaming) I'll fwear the peace: keep at arms-length, Virago ! (To Juno, whimpering) 3he*ll brain me, Mam ! Pal. (in/pite/ulrage) Well, had I don't long a- go. Ven (ft ill whimpering) Your tongue's no (lan- der for that, not a button Care I ; but I can't (land your fift o' mutton. Juno. (Afide* chuckling) Nuts to me, This I hope, 'twill be a fcuffle ; (to them) My ftars ! what was't cou'd thus your tempers ruffle? Pal. Her gibes, Fen. f-Ier rants. Pal Don't fnouch then ! Ven- Don't you hector ! Jun&. (taking each by the hand) Faults on both fides fit down come, I'll direct here. And Iris ! ftir, wench ! fill about the nectar. Pal. yenus-^-your quips would Patient Grifel canker, Howe'er, make hands ! Ven. (giving her hand) Here, Mifc, I bear no rancour. AIR THE GOLDEN PIPPltf. 7 AIR IV, Touch the Thing, you Baftard. (All fit, and Iris ferves them with Goblets on a Tray.) Juno (fings). When Uckrings t>ot t To high words got, Break out at Gamiorum j The flame to coot, My Golden Rule IsPuJh about the Jorum. With fsl on jug, Coifs who can lu^ ? Orjbew me that glib fpcaker t Who her red rag In gibe can wag, With her mouth full of liquor. (They all drink.) (Exeunt, merrily finging in Chorus) Golden Rule IsPvJh about tbejoruni. [Scene clofes, SCENE 8 THE GOLDEN PIPPIN*. SCENE changes to a Wild Heath. Enter Momus, in the habit of the Antique Court Jefler. Walks to and fro impatiently. RECITATIVE accompanied. Mom. By Jingo ! if Erynnisfrom the Hefpe- rides, Steals me theDragon's A pple--we*ll ha'merry days. Augh ! ho ! oa ! (yawning and fir etching ) Court's grown damn'd hum-drum :~Jcve t poor Noodle ! Does nought but muddle. Juno too turn'd fo mim, forfooth, Butter will fcarce melt in her mouth. But til' Apple yes I'll throw that fquib among 'em Shall flir the humours as a wafp had (lung 'em. A I R V. Behind the Bufli in the Garden* 70 fet at odds Ihefe hair brairfd Gods, The turn of a fir aw or a pin does i / make them fret t fake pet, Curvet, And fling Heaven out &V, / J SCENE Ven. Pal. Juno. Cads me GOLDEN PIPPIN. SCENE changes to Jupiter'j Half of Audience. Enter Momus laughing. Mom. Ha! ha! ha ! ha ! ha! ha! Three Cats I left 'em at it, fpitting, fcratch- ig (Seeing Jupiter) Gadfo ! Now, What can that wife Nob be hatching ? (ftands afide tti obferve.) Jupiter comes forward. RECITATIVE accompanied. Jup. How mall I get this tangled hank uri- ravell'd ? Put to my trumps, and gravell'd ! 'Twou'd dumb- found Wizard Merlin, or Friaf Bacon ; Aye, all the Square -caps from Oxford to Pekin. No making head or tail on't which way fo- e*er 1 turn it - If I know how to aft I'm a fousM gurnet. Ha ! that Firebrand Erynms ! ( Cou'd I but trap her, With what good will I'd ftrap her!) I'll be hang'd, but 'twas {he that kick'd this duft up, None but (he mifchief- maker ! (The Devil take her ! ) my proud kafh of Ninnies. But 'THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. 37 But I for her provide will j Yes I'll have her fairly trufs'd up, Tho' the old Trot fhou'd mount for't, Who can call me to account for't ? Qr, if not ftrung (he ftiall mill-doll in Bridewell. AIR II. Fifchietti. As Judge, Spoufe, Progenitor, What partjhall I take ? My char after , as f emit or ^ My name lies at flake. Says Jufticf What d'ye lag on ? For Jbame I -^-content the Dragon. Then whifpcrs Court Favor* fo bilk him will be braver. What part Jhall I take * My choice is kept fwinging* Like Bow-bell a ringing* Let go then puWd back. WJjy, let them buff, And jour and chide ! ril fave my buff, Whatever betide. Jhun domejlic jangle, This paltry Pippm-Brangle, 'Fore George ! Vll not decide. [Towards the clofe of the Air, Momus advances to him.] E 2 RECl. 28 THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. RECITATIVE, Mom. That's fix'd then. Jup. Yes, yes I've wound up my bottom. Mom. Roundly j like a true Solomon (aftde) of Gotham. Jup. But how to ftill their clamours there's the matter. Mem. Depute fome Mortal for their Arbitrator ; 'Twill pull 'em down a peg. Jup. (rubbing his bands delighted) 'Twill, 'twill the fluts ! -I'll do't to fiddle-firings -twill fret their guts. Mom. Oh ! they'll cajole you with tHeir Ifs and Buts. Didn't they coax you in your beer to impris'n The Dragon but for claiming what was his'n ? A I R III. Cotillon. Whenyoitre bojky, half-feas over,, Doxies wind you as they pie afe', 'Thro'' their eyes you then difco^er^ That the Moon's a huge Green- cheefe. They have their wits, Mind their own hits ; Nick the fit To wheedle a bit, Witb a tip Of the lip, And a roguijh faueezc. Jovy, THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. 39 Jovy, my foul! What Joes it fay ? Fire the North Pole ! Jove'j your Valet. you're bofty, &c, RECITATIVE. Jup. I was a green-horn then -no pene- tration But now Pm come to years Mom. (afide) Not of difcretion. [Mercury .enters hajlily^ and twitches Jupiter** Jleeve. Mer. Mod Doughty pleafe edge this way. Jttp. Eh ! what mutter y' ? Mer. The GoddefTes at loggerheads i' th* Buttery. Jup. Fight dog, fight bear^-^-! ? Blood ! I've other bus'nefs : Muft Jove fit Judge on Dimples Snouts and Piginies ? Bid *em fcrub up as clean as hands can make 'em. Mom. Shou'd they run ruft Jup. By Jericho ! - Pd flake 'em. - (to Mercury] Conduct them, you> to Ida There young Paris Sha_ll view, and there give Judgment, which moft Fair is. [Jupiter and Momus confer together.'] Mtr. 3 o THE GOLDEN PIPPIN, Merc, What ? Paris of Troy, That Hobble-de-Hoy, He Lord Chief Juftice conftituted ! Jf h'as guts in his brains, or in's fkulleyes, Sure, fare, this Heav'n-embroiling Prize Cannot be long difputed. AIR IV. Fifner, Pallas and Juno, All who fee true know, Never, no never can bear tie bell. No, chuck the Gold Pippin Fair Venus'j lip in, For Venus hsrfelfis a Nonpareil. [Exit. [Jupiter and Momus come forward, as un> tinning their converfation. RECITATIVE. Mom. What comes o' you ? Jup. Oh ! I after the Infpe&ion . , May call; to hear which carry'd the Eledion. Mom. Mum ! yonder's Juno (going) Jup. Aye, my Mefiage inubs. Mem. Now keep it up be fure a dry tubs Will give her Majefty- the Mulligrubs. ibs. fewl 5- i A I R THE GOLDEN PIPPIN 8 . 31 A I R V. Cotillon Tune. Sine e 'tis writ in the volume of Fate, That tofurrender To the Male Gender, Females muft lay their account foon or late ; She muft fubmit has a God to her Mate. Bounce, bounce, Juno may flounce', Storm, and thunder ; Skill knock under : Rave, rave; Jupiter, rave ! M after you'll be and your Wife be ajlave. RECITATIV E - Jup. (as Ju'no advances} How now, Dame Partlet .? Enter Juno, ftalking haughtily up to him ; her arms a-kimbo. ) *>. (afide) Now (lie opes her Budget. Juno. So, Sir! Our caufe you fcorn, it Teems, to judge it. Jup. I warn my hands o't : woundy ticklifh Matters Thefe ! How decree 'twixt my own Wife and Daughters ? Juno, (refentfully] Then, Sir, who mall ? Jup. (having ponder* d) Why, Paris, Son of Priam, Ganimedis Coz a better Judge than I am. Juno, (witbfpleen) Finely fobb'doff! Had it been Madam Semele . (imperiovjly) Juno, go, fcold your Maids i do mind your Family. Juno. 3 2 THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. Juno. No ; with all Heav'n for my due I*d grapple. Were there an Orchard, mine were every Apple. AIR VJ. Arne, Juno, (affronted.} With your Wife, Sir, ne'er difpute. Lady of the Manor Jhe j Due to her the choiceft fruit 9 Due to her the branch and tree ; And you know Jhe 9 II have her right $ Tes, Sir, Morning, Noon, and Night* RECITATIVE. Jup. Right ! Stuff! between us, None has a legal right to it, but Venus. Juno, (much piqu'd] Foql that I was, my Hufband to refer to ! Venus ! a fneaking kindnefs Goat ! for Her too ? Jup. (indignant) My Daughter ? Juno, (with rancour] Wert your Mother ? Jup. (ironically] Why my Pet Lamb Ought not go loofe It fhould be lodg'd in Bed- lam. Thefe Maggots, Child Juno, (outrageous] By each new Trull fup- planted ! Jup. (provok'd) I'll be divorc'd Juno, (obftinately) The very Thing I wanted. A I R THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. n AIR VII. Duo Finale. Monfignier. Juno. Go) But know, I'll not be treated fo By you, cafe-bar den* d Bully ! Jup. Let not your Fury gull y* -, I'm no tame, ben-peckt Cully, Juno. Ungrateful / fofacrifice me tbus ! Jup. More hateful Tcurjeahufy and fufs. Juno, i Tour Sifter Jup. \ Wou'd, Padmijlber! Juno. i And your Spoufe too ! Jup. 5 (afide^ Afweet Blowze, too ! Juno. tfbe Cbum you pawn* d your Nuptiaf Vows to ! Jup. Triift toy Houfe to, And my Brows too ! Juno. A Blijler On your Tonguefor't. Jup. I'm well Jlung for 1 1, Sorely wrung for' 7. Juno. Tou broke all vows you bet Bell* fwagger ! Jup. (afide) that's a Dagger, * Sba'n't 1 gag her ? Juno, i To fee that Num-Jkull Jup. 5 (to her) Tbefe Wipes Juno, j Aft the Swan, aft tbe Bull, Jup. 5 Bringjiripef. F Juno. 34 THE GOLDEN PIPPItf. Juno. 7 How Mortals mufl laugh Jup. } Tour fides i my Love, itch Juno. ? At the Goofe, at the Calf. Jup. \ For a tttfte of the fwitch. Juno. 1 Tour r mf i a cajt-off 7 . Jup. S W*f*\ J \thofe taunts a r e\ Jta[S ' Tuno. ^ . r can't fay black's her -j ., Jup. I ^'J"* \urgetbtm tooth an and drefs it away ; At Op'ra and Baft, Play* Concert, and All* I warrant I carry the day* I* II make the Folks Jtare By clubbing my Hair ; rilogle, P II prat tie, The Vice-box I'll rattle, Lofe thoufands, and call it mere Sport ; While Men all admire me, AH Ladies defire me, Sweet Paris, tbe Pink of the Court ! [Paris THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. 37 [Paris turns, andfpies Mercury advancing. What chap comes here ? trick'd out fo nicely ! Enter to him Mercury. {He ftands bowing at a distance.) Dem* mauvaife bonte So thus concifely. AIR III. DUET. Francefco. Par. Mon Enfant ecoutez. Merc. Royal Swain, what d'ye fay ? Par. If I may conjecture, By garb) gait, and afpecJ, you're Francois. Merc. Nay, nay. Par. Au Moins Tou've made tbe 'Tour. Merc. No fur e. Tour Htgbnefs means to flatter. > Par. Pardon nez-moi fbis Hat here I Paris Cock f Merc. No fucb matter. J Par. Tbofe Pumps too diantre ! curious.' Merc. Jove'j Son, Sir (bowing) Par. Vous ? Merc. Tes-, fpuriou$ Controller of bis Pages, And bear his Love-Meffages. Par. Quoi ? Merky /ah ! le drolc ! Merc, Tbc fame upon my foul^ At your command. far. / kifs your Hand. R E C t 38 THE GOLDEN PIPPIN,' RECITATIVE. Par. But whence and whither now ? Merc. My Errand At prefent is Par. (taking fnuf} To me I warrant. Merc. E'en fo. Par. (with extravagant airs of vanity} r With my poor perfon fmitten ? Merc, (fiaking bis bead) No, Sir a matter* You'd icarce hit on. This Apple -(produces the Golden Apple} Par. (much mortified} Aye. Merc. (Tho' no nice Fruit 'tis) Has fet by the ears three tip-top Beauties. Th' Infcription there's the bone Par. (reads.it} To THE FAIREST ! Merc. 'Till that point's fettled Heav'n can ne'er reft. Juno, Mifs Pallas* Venus ftiffly J^ay claim to't-r Par. Well w0# cher ! Merc. Why, briefly * You're nam'd their Judge Par. (eyeing it contemptuoujly) A precious bawble To fet three Goddefies at fquabble ! AIR IV. Bryan. A Goddefs, like an earthly Dame, In trifles will precedence claim ; Denied, foul language will beftow. And turn from dearejl Friend to Foe. R E C I- THE GOLDEN. PIPPIN. 39 RECITATIVE. Par. But why to me this Beauty -reference ? Merc. You, Sir, Jove knows, can guefs the difference- Betwixt a Nymph- and a Nut-cracker Par. Not half lowtil as he, th' old Smacker! Merc. Hini they'd think partial, interefted, Therefore in you his Pow'r is vefted. Par. What Jeopardy ? My Cafe quite defperate ! Can pleafe but one, two muft exafperate ! - Merc. Do as you like but leave off prat- ig. You keep their Goddefsfhips a- waiting. [*7/. (Paris alone , after meditation^) Good Jove, direct me ! Since in this tafk I'm but your mafk, I hope, Sir, you'll protect me. Re-enter Mercury, leading Juno, 'whom be an- nounces mcft ceremottioufly. She advances with , over-drained haugbtinefs. RECITATIVE. Merc. Queen Juno, Sir, (lows] Jove's Con- fort Juno, (imperioujly) Lefs Palaver. We've other fifh to fry (beckons Mercury away, be fneaks off.. Par. (tripping familiarly to kifs her) Ma'am, by your Favour * (She draws back with indignation. Juno. 40 THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. Juno. Meat for your Lord ! 1 thought you better knew me. Par. (afide) Lafiere ! a three-pil'd Prude, confume me! Juno. (haughtily} Lad, don't you feel yourfelf, at times, ambitious Of Pow'r and Wealth ? Par. Ma foi ! they're both delicious. Juno. Both you may have Par. Comment ! Juno. For me pafs Sentence, And you will blefs your Stars for our Acquaint- ance. AIR V. Giordani. On Nabob's Throne defpotick, O'er Omrahs thou foalt blaze ; Ihy pomp, thy pow'r exotick The trembling Eaft amaze ; tfhenjhall the Chiefs from Europe Court thee with gorgeous toys ; Crouching each to hold thy Stirrup y Proud to ferve thee like Seapoys. Par. Why -faith -She offers like a Bid-^ der. / Nabob ! Bon fa / let me confider : f Bengal a damn'd long voyage thither. j (afide) Now un grand Coup ^You're warm and 1 in Spirits (to her} 'Gad, Ma'am, let's ufe your Hufband as he merits. A I R THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. 41 AIR VI. Down Deny Deny. (To her with petulant Familiarity.) , Sweet Revenge there is a Clue to, Woifd you take a Fool's advics, Me voici tout pret Cornuto We may dub him in a trice. Dans le Bon ton Down deny dtrry* Dans le Bon ton, Sur le Gazon. (Juno in furious indignation t upon him.} RECITATIVE. Juno. Indeed '.-^'Squire Hotfpur A trto words to that Bargain. Par. (with cutting indifference} Nimporte There needs no farther arguing. [turns aivayt Juno, (apart} To be fent haggling here with fuch a Puppy ! Well, Jove, remember this, if I ben't up wi' ye* AIR VII, Tender Paflion, gentle Love, Cooing^ murmuring like the Dove, 42 THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. Shall defert my troubled breaft Until the Fair eft I'm confeft. riljhake your curtains every night, And you Jhall tremble with affright ; Til bounce, Til flounce, Til rant and rave, ou Jhall be a very flaw. [Exit in a rage, RECITATIVE. (Paris alone.) Sans ceremonie^ I diihnfs her. Hey, Mercury ! (Enter Mercury.) Fetch in Pallas Merc, (bowing) Yes, Sir - (Exit. Paris remains , bumming.) Dans le Bon ton, bty, derry derrf. Dans le Bon ton, Sur le Gazon, (until Mercury re-enters? introducing Pallas. He bows and retires*. Sheftands fallen ; Paris hops pertly up to kifs her.) Par. Servant, my dear ! - (She repulfes him with a violent pti/h.) Pal. Since when ? Spruce Matter Jemmy ! Par. (aftdc, his hands on his breaft as in pain} That Pe? Ihe had from Broughton demme ! Well, THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. 43 Well, Joan of Arc! my frumpifh Mifly! You might as well ha' let me kifs ye. Pal, Paris, no Airs That Pippin, without mufing, Adjudge to me Par. (ironically] Bon ; ^-for your Skill ia bruifing. Pal. I'll make your Fortune : Call me elfe, Canary. Par. My Fortune, Mifs ! Pal. Ay, in the Milita ry. _ A I R VIII. Bates. Vhy fword^ thy cannon's thunder 9 Shall gain thee Store of plunder ! Great Arthur, conquering Ammon, Ne'er faw fuch piles of Mammon! Raife, young Paris, raife thy name! y away to Wealth and Fame / RECITATIVE. Par. (having flared at her with furprize) Zauns, Mifs What fee you in my Figure, As if I lov'd to draw a Trigger ? G 2 AIR 44 THE GOLDEN PIPPIN, AIR IX. Arne. Let Heroes delight in the toils of the w?.r, In maims, blood, and bruiffs and blows ; JV0/ a fword, but a fword-knot rejoices the Fair .* And what are rough Soldiers to Beaux ? Away then with laurels ! come Beauty and Love., And filence the trumpet and drum ; Let me with foft Myrtle my brows bear inwove^ And tenderly combat at home I RECITATIVE. Pal. Daftard! Be henceforth, (fmce you're for that duty) No Officer of .mine. Par. (with indifference) Ni vousmy Beauty. Now, Merc'ry /let the Cyprian Belle come. [Enter Mercury, hands out Pallas, and introduces Venus ; then bows, and exit. She advances^ fmirking. Paris, tho ftruck with her beauty^ trips to falute her with his ufual fertnefs. Ay this ! (to her) Permettez-moi ! (ki/es her) Fen. (frankly) And welcome. (lejring, and chucking him under the chin) JVly Paris ! can you love P Par. (afide) No foolifh item. Yes, Ma'am kind fouls! 1 never flight 'em. Pit; THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. 45 Vev. Well, there's a Judge one Menelaus in Sparta; (A Judge's creft is Horns by Magna Charta) That Judge, he hath a wife that Wif^ high: Nelly, But fuch a Nell ! at ev'ry gUnce The cockles of your heart would dance, Warm'd as if by Vermicelli. A I R X. Helen if you can trepan, Thou of heroes jhalt lead the van ! Never dally, Shilli-fially ; faint heart ne'er fair lady won. Be bold, and play the Man ! That's the plan. That foape, that jim rigging Was formd for intriguing ; And in foreign parts Tou'll reign King of Hearts. Oh, fuel? blifs you've no idea j She's a feerlefs Dulcinea ! pf^it delighting, Charms inviting^ Touth inciting, Jielen, Helen to trepan, R E C I- 4-6 THE GOLDEN PIPPIN, RECITATIVE. Par. A greed touchez / Now for a Barrel Of Golden Pippins We fhali never quarrel. I'll call the Ladies in that went hence. (Takes tie Apple in his band, croffes the Stage, and calls aloud) Mercury ! Pm going to Pafs Sentence. (Enter on one Side Mercury, ufoering in Juno and Pallas ; on the other, Venus alone.} AIR XL Venetian Ballad, Par. (Bowing to Juno and Pallas.} Me/dames^ to fpeech you, But more might difoblige you ; / therefore befeech you, Let this dftion teach you. My upright Award By Equity fquar V, Not Bribe or Pelf; The Pippin^ on Jlrift fcrutiny t Rejis here *^tho > Lofers mutiny. Fair ye to the bone are -, But this Belle debonnaire Is Fairnefs '&//. Placing it as a Bouquet in Venufs, Bofom. (Juno THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. 47 (Juno and Pallas walk to and fro> Jlomacbful-, Venus and Paris lowing and curtjying. Mercury jlands tittering. RECITATIVE. Juno, (turning upon Paris enrag'd) Buzzard ! in real Beauty, Ignoramus ! Pal. (-pointing to Venus) That lewd Trull's Perfon was his Fee to bam us. Juno, (menacing} For this, an old houfe o'er^J your Sconce I'll tumble. Pal. Poltroon' Since War you dread, its] Din ihall rumble > In both your Ears Merc. Ladies ! You're not to | grumble. j A I R XII. QUARTETTO. Fye now, prithee, John. Ven. Nay> nay, prithee ', Dames, Don't call blackguard names : Tou no title bad no, nor you. Pal, Tours a jade a dirty pufs ! And he's a rogue has cheated us / But Pallas won't be treated thus : Ven. 1 This you foall rue ! Par. I A Pippin is not worth this fufs ! \ And what could he do ? Juno. D-> y u fool? olfervc my face. My fa ape and air, and every grace: The brigbteft Queen that e'er wasfeex! What eyes bad you ? urious THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. (A furious Symphony ; then enter bajlily Jupiter, cutrageoujly angry , the tbunder-bolt in bis band.} RECITATIVE, Jap. (to Juno and Pallas) Ye fpiceful Jades ! threat not my Puny Judge, elfe For him I will, myfelf, take up the Cudgels The proudeft She that with him dares to meddle^ I'll make dance Barnaby without a Fiddle ! A I R XIII. GalluppL Vbe Lad has well decided : Hejudgditjujt as I did. Te cou'd not all 'Three have 1 it * He to the FAIREST gave it. Wherein to blame is He ? That be bad Eyes to fee. And that the Truth he f poke ? If ftill ye're Jliff andfturdy^ Cockjbobs ! Pit make ye fmoke / My Choler don't provoke -, For, Zouns ! /'// have it fo : Look to't Fm at a word w? ye i And now my mind ye know. R E CI- THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. 49 RECITATIVE. Ven. (to Jupiter coaxingly) The Dragon ! Dear Papa ! have fome regard on him. Jup. (chucking her under the chin] Well mov'd ! (nodding to Mercury) Go, fet the Dragon free I pardon him. {Exit Mercury. Enter Dragon, making profound obeifance to all.) A I R XIV. AND LAST. SESTETTO. Vivaldi. JUPITER, JUNO, PALLAS, VENUS* PARIS, DRAGON. Jup. This be the period Of jars Shake fifts and bufs. Juno, l Tet> Sir, 'tis very odd, PaL 3 You'll ftde with her 'gainfl us, . to each other. \ Hadyoub ee nadjud g -dit 5 Ineer Jhoud ha ' grudg'a^tt. Jup. (to June.) Tou Pufs, Why grudge Venus ? Ven. Why to me this mortal hatred ? Par. Why to me this fpleen inveterate ? J U P' ? un>* * n l>,~ 5 this mortal hatred ? Drl $ tKy'oto { fucbftletn inveterate? H Vcn. THE GOLDEN Ven. Beauty's my file Gift Par. Juftice mine. Juno, / (to Paris) Tours ? Venal troitor I Pal. i>(to Venus) Conceited creature I Dra. Y( co Paris and Venus) 'Thank her, Jhe cou'd give no greater. Juno, (afide to Pallas) Ihave no patience with fuck fins. Pal (afide to Juno) Ne'er heed. We'll flick in both their Jkirts. Jup. ^ ^ Blood! don't again my paffion, (f K JoJ rouze. Pra. C Ct ly ) His your Papa, Mifs, and your L Spcufe. Jup. (to ditto) If you will not be coot, I lave or Scolds a "" Q> ^ You fee, ?*>, we are cool Jup. 7^r 5 ^O' are co t' Juno, -i Pal'. \ Shake hands Wre friends No fpits. Ven. j P. . V Jup. > Bs Friends tfbat's right* J Jup. - For this gccd bap tap. We'll all get i. j 'And drain the THE GOLDEN PIPPIN, Yen. In peace let's live* * ar - Forget^ forgive. Juno.? , r , jjui I (afjde to each J. til. * Jup. 1 This day Jbain Juno. fr ' > . f * "8 Par. j J Pra. ^ (to the Audience Applaud, Applaud, JoveV gracious Nod. THE END. E R R A T U -M. P. 8. for " Scene changes to a Wild Heath" ~ read <' Scene changes to a Wood," THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. APPENDIX. the printing of the foregoing impreffion, the following variations have been made in the reprefentation, which are now fuhjoin'd for the benefit of the purchafer. Page 40. A I R V. Inftead of On Nabob's thrcne defpotu* Guardian Angels now proteft me. Where's the mortal can refift me ? Queens mufl every honour gain. * Paris furcly muft ajjift me, Juno cannot fete in vain. Look in my face^ my gentle Paris ; Can fucb beauties e'er defpair Where's fuch an eye as this ? Shew me fuch lips to kifs -, O, may my Paris htar my pray'r ! RE G I T A T I V E. PARIS. 'Egad, the termagant grows tender ; But my afilftance, if I lend her, To me, her charms me (hall furrendwj 14 THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. ?age 4 i. AIR VII, Inftcadof lender fa/ion, &c. Arnc. a Jhrew Jhatt Juno prove, a benpcck'd bit/band Jove, Vainly jiruggling 'to be free, A married flaw to all eternity i Monarch bail him grand prctetf or ; Glory, pow'r, bis temples crown ^ Ttt jkall Juno'j curtain-UHure, ^U bis joys m clamour drown. THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. $$ Page 49. AIR XIV, and laji. Inftead ofThis be the period, &c. HoHer's Ghoft. JUPITER. Come, be friends ! ]QV s your commander ' No more riot, no mere fufs ! Sleep, fell Envy -, peace, foul Slander , Ladies all, flake bands and fafs ! Let Erynnis have a whipping, For -promoting noife andftrife ; Never jhall a Golden Pippin Interrupt celeftial life. CHORWS. Let Erynnis, &c. JUNO. Jove, my patience you rely on, And the virtues of your fpoufe : Had yon three heads, like Gerycn, Many wives wcu'd deck ytur brows ^ CHORUS. Let Erynnis, &c. PALLAS. War and battle I delight in, Tet my anger nowjhall ceafe ; For a while a truce to fighting, I agree to figy the peace. CHORUS. Let Erynnis, &c. V E N U S. THE GOLDEN PIPPIN. VENUS. Tho* iidjudgd the queen of beauty ', Venus gains the gdden -prize - t Manners Jlill foe holds her ditty^ her fifters of ths fkics. CHORUS. Let Erynnis, &c. PARIS. Hehn then jh&tl be my bone\\ Rearer than the golden fleece ; She'll admire a Macaroni, More than all the beaux of Greece. CHORUS. Let Erynnis^ &c. M E R: C U R T. Since dijfenticvs now are over, And the ladles alt evree \ Henceforth let us live in clover. And eternal jubilee ! CHORUS. Let Erymis t &c. THE TWO MISERS: MUSICAL FARCE. As it is Performed at tfa THEATRE ROYAL I N COVEN T-G A R D E N. By the Author of MIDAS, and the GOLDEN PJPPIK. LONDON, printed for G. K E A R s i, Y, No. 46, near Serjeants- Inn, FLEET-STREET. 1775* jEntcreti at following Scenes are taken frmajuftly admired Piece of Monf. Falbhaire's, entitled* Les Deux Avares. 'The bare Out-line only of bis fnijb'd Charaflers, withjuft enough of his Dialogue to connett the Incidents, has been retained, in order to reduce the Whole within the Compafs of an Englifti Farce ; with what Succefs, the candid Public will beft judge. The following Air fhould have been printed in page 8, Jenny fings it after faying, Lady Mildmay's Heart and Houfe are open to receive Harriot and Lively, Jenny. Hafte t let us fly from a land of oppreffin. Where beauty is led like a pig in ajlring ; A heart that's divided^ to Jhare in fuccejjlon^ My mind (too exalted) I never can bring. A bird in hand 's an old exprejfion. That two in the bujh is not one in pojjeflion<\ We'll bring the proud infidels to a confejjion, That women have fouls as well as the men. >uick then t away to an ijland of pleafure, Where each happy female may do as they pleafe, Where liberty's reckoned the choifejl of treajure\ Thenfy, and the kind opportunity feize. The bird in hand 's an old exprejjion, That two in the bitjh is not one in poffejfion ; We'll bring the proud infidels to a confejfion t That women bam fouls as well as the men. Dramatis Perfonae. ipe, "J T Mr. Quick. *>the two Mifers, < Links, J Mr. Reinhold. Grip* Hunks, Harriet, Gripe's- Niect, Mifs Catky. Jenny, her Maid^ - Mrs. Mattocks. Lively, Hunks'.; Nephew, Mr. Mattocks. Ofman, -j rMr. DunftalL All, 1 - Janizaries, < Mr. Baker. Muftapha, J (.Mr. Fox. Janizaries Guard. SCENE throughout, The Great Square in SMYRNA. THE TWO MISERS, A C T I. The Great Square. At ike right corner in front , Gripe'* Houfe, with a low door in its fide to the Square, and over the door a window j fome paces backward, towards the center of the Stage, rifes a large Quadrangular Pyramid j at the left corner of the Square, in front $ flands Hunks'* houfe, viewed in Profile ; in its fide % facing the audience, are two windows, the lower de- fended by iron barf, from top to bottom. Other Bui/dings, as Mofques, Mindrets, Dwelling- houfes, 3V. compleat the fides sf the Square, to the di ft ant flat Scene, which affords a night-profpefi of the Sea and Harbour, Jhut out by a Jlately iron Palijade* Near it, on the right-hand, a fmgle houfe project* having one fpacious and very large window on the fecond floor. To the left in front, near Hunks'; boufe, is n Draw Well, furrounded by a low breajl wall, whereon are fixed two Jlrong po/ls, with a crcfs bar at top, to- fupport a large pulley. Two oppojite Streets open into the Square. At their entrance are fet up large Glob* Lamps, cajling a Jlrong light over the whole Scene. Lively, appearing at Hunks'* upper window^ hems and coughs repeatedly, as fignals to Harriet. Jrl E M! hem ! She does not hear me fure I'll fmg then, B AIR, THE TWO MISERS, A I R. At eve fweet Philomel's fond lay, His Philomela clears ; So love, whomfpies o'er- awe by day, Cajls off at night bis fears. [ Lift ens. Hu(h ! no, all quiet her window flill fhtit Ah ? her Uncle's within (liftens] Eh ! no try again Hem ! hem ! (fengs louder.) At eve, fweet Philomel's fond lay, His Philomela chears. Harriet, attended by Jenny, Jhews berfetf at Griped window ; fhe opens it, and in a low voice anfwers, finglng to the latter Jirain of the fame Air. Love, tbo' difguis'd by fears all day, By night unmajk'd appears. Live. ( pleas' d) My Harriet ! your Uncle's gone, then ? Har. Gone and yours ? Live* Gone too Shall we down into the Square ? Jenny. Hift ! hift ! fome one coming proteft, Mr. Lively your uncle Hunks Retire, retire, and Jet him pafs. Lively re'ires, Jbutting his window. They keep theirs halfjhut, watching Hunks'* motions. Hunks enters Jlowly from the left fide, Jlops now and then, peep- ing round. Hunts. THE TWO MISERS. 3 Hunks. A murrain feize the inventor of thefe till- tale lamps! the very bane of all clandestine enter'- prize] Why, here, 'tis as light as day now 1'fecks, we might as well have no night at all Then thofe damn'd Janizaries everlaftingly patrolling and pry- ing Vexation upon vexation ! However, 'tis luckily rather lateifh and, this a folitary quarter. Who knows ? I may chance to execute my fcheme ftill (Sees Gripe at a di/iance) Paah ! what interloper now ? (Steps a fide to obferue.) Jenny, (at the window feeing Gripe.} Soh ! here comes t'other fqueeze-fift Gripe himfelf away, JMifs, away. Enter Gripe pleas 'd t draws forth a large bunch of keys. Gripe. Such a gull ha ! ha ! ha ! Bled fo freely ! but, no tick no, no, the rooks wou'd not tick Fife on it ! he has had a devilifli tumble ! Well, well fpeed the plough his lofs, my gain Twenty per cent, premium, and two per cent, by the hour * no bad Tontine. ^ V \+- \*.^4t ^\ A I R. Let the novice depend on , bis luck, On hisfcience the gambler prof eft', What pigeon fiever they pluck , With his plumes I Jball feather my neft. lljeyjling^ they ding^ They fwear y they tear. While fnugl look on and fit fill: For well I trow, Slow high, blow low, Each puff will bring grift to my mill. IJnlocks his door in a hurry^ goes in, andjhut* It* At the fame moment Hunks comes forward.^ 3 2 Hun* 4 THE TWO MISERS. Hun. Mr. Goffip Gripe ! Well, he's hous*c And now, to reconnoitre my fcene of action (furveying ihe Pyramid accurately ) Here then it is, underneath this Pyramid-^ that r they have depofited the carcafe of his Muftifhip and along with it all his gold, his plate his diamonds his (bugging himfelf] Q Hunks ! Hunks ! what a gallon were here now Acapult?Q ! AIR. My dear trtafure always nigh me, Wight and day myjlrong box by me ; Try it, Eytit, Feel And kneel j And deify it. O what tranfport to behold, delight to chink my gold. JMabomefs a f curvy prophet, His fool's paradife, I feoff it- Think to gull folks with bis Houris / Beggar wenches without dowries ! Had he feigrfd his heaven of pelf, fd ba' been a Turk my/elf. Lively, (afide, opening bis window foftly) Peft fei?e |iirn ! will he never be gone ? (Jhuts it immediately.) Hun, (again furveying the Pyramid. ) No child's play, to make a breach here muft get help, Ffecks ! (pcaylers.) Cjripe -yes a the very ftick but THE TWO MISERS. 3 be for going (hacks -well, better give half than lofe all Ay, ay and here he comes, juft in the nick. Gripe comes forth, locks his door, and packets the ktjs. Gripe, (to himfelf, while locking the door] Safe -bind - fafe find Forage abroad, but guard at home Fife on't how I loiter [Hobbling away. Hunks calls after birth Hun. Gripe ! -Goffip Gripe- Gripe, (juji looking back with a nod] Good night * Can't ftay Hun. A moment Lord, man ! what's your hurry ? Gripe, (coming back] Hurry ! why Squander, the young factor fall'n in at hazard yonder, with^fome knowing ones is fleec'd fous'd 'broke down -So, I'm fetching him a fupply Two hundred pieces. Hun. (earneftly) And at what intereft ? Gripe. Fife on it a mere nothing Two per cent. Hun. (tnfurprize) Are you turn'd fool? Two per cent. ? Gripe. Ay by the hour. Hun. Oh ! cry you mercy But Goffip ! (with a myfterious air] I Obferve that Pyramid Yeiterday, in a vault beneath that Pyramid was interr'd the late Mufti Gripe, (with indifference] Well peace be with him. Hun. Ye--s and his rhino with us ! for you mufl know 'that, here in Smyrna when a Mufti dies they bury all his riches with him -they do, i'fecks. Gripe. Indeed ? in that cafe 'twou'd fcarce vex a man to die. Hun. It -does mitigate to be fure. Gripe, (after a paufe) All his riches bury'd with him ! (eying the Pyramid, then eagerly to Hunks) Pife on it, Goffip ! here were a venture now ! Eh , ? Hun. (feeming to hefttate] And yet I have my fcruples A'n't it a fin, think you ? fo rich a prize ! Gripe. 6 THE TWO MISERS, Gripe. We're to go halves ! Hun. A facrilege ? eh ? Gripe. Not if we go halves. RECITATIVE. Gripe. Indeed, bad he a Chrijlian been, Hun. O, ay, bad he a Chrijlian- been, Gripe. Nice Cafuifls might perhaps ! Hun. Might, what? 'Pronounce it Jin. A I R - D U E T. Gripe. But a vile Turk a Mufti tog. Hun. Tes, Turk and Mufti too. 1 A foe to wine, 'tis true, 'tis true. Gripe, j A foe to wine, tis true, tis true. Let's take. Hun. Let'sfeize on all he left. 'Tis lawful fpoil. Gripe. Notjtnful theft. Hun. 'Tis lawful fpoil, not finful theft* They Jhake hands and are going off, when Lively at his window. Live. Rot 'em, will they fleep here ? Ah ! he faw me. [Jbuts.it. Gripe, (turning hajlily] Ha ! femebody at that win- dow methought ! Hun. My hopeful nephew, 'tis like a fcape-grace ! but, i'fecks, I fhall foon rid my hands of him I'll (hut him up in a mad-honfe ! Gripe. THE TWO MISERS. 7 Gripe. An excellent fcheme ! Ay, ay, clean ftraw and a dark cell. The whipfter flirts with my niece too but, by your leave I forbid the banns there- They'd inftantly call us to account for their fortunes. Hun. They wou'd and be ever gaping, gaping at ours But we wafte time Come, come along with me, to get the implements for our enterprize. Gripe. Can't you as well ftep for them yourfelf ? one bufinefs muft not obftrucl: another I'll but carry my fpark this cafh juft hard by and be back pre- fently . [ Exeunt feverally. As the two Mifers are going off, Harriet appears at ksr window, attended by Jenny ; they make Jigns of great joy, then retire as defcending into the fquare ; in the mean time, Lively unfcrewing a bar of his window, leaps down and runs to meet Harriet Jenny with- draws to watch. AIR DUET. Har. 'They're gone, and our flames we may freely reveal* Live. What tranfport in this precious moment I feel. My Harriet. Har. My Lively. Live. My Harriet. My Lively. Live. In vain they our hearts wou'd dijjever. > 1 love, and will love you for ever ; Har. \ In vain they our hearts wou'd dijfever. Live: For Harriet I live, and for Harriet wou'd die. Har. Ah ! Lively Ifwear, and this heart cannot lie t I will ne'er be but yours. Live. What! Never ? Nor ever will I be but yours. \ Har. ---. - mat! Never? 2 Live. B THE TWO MISERS. Live. No, never will I be but yours. Har. Tbo Gripe loch bis dears. (pointing at the door open) Live, (points to the unfcrewed bar) Tho* his win- dows Hunks grates. Har. 1 Love loves to make fools of fuch wary grey pates. Live. J Love loves to over -reach fuch aligning bald pates. Deign love then to guide us. Har. Forever, Norfuffer tbefe grubs to divide us. Live. . Oh ! Never / Har. Deign love then to guide us for ever. Live. Theyjhall not divide us j No, Never. 'Jenny, (rejoining them) Well, my dears, fince up- right love is your motive, and downright matrimony your end, I think, I muft e'en beat about to bring you together. Live, (eagerly) 'But when, dear Jenny ? when ? "Jenny. Sooner, perhaps, than you imagine. Mifs has an aunt in Dublin Lady Mildmay her heart and hcufe are open to you. Live. Why aren't we gone then ? What flops us ? Jenny. Stops \ what flops many an hopeful project ? lack of cafh. (looking archly at him) Are you flufh, Sir ? (he Jhakes his headforrowfully)$Q I thought and therefore hold it bad policy to leave all Mifs's for- ane, all her Mama's effeds, in Gripe's clutches Chear up, however a lucky crifis may come, and truft me for not letting it flip. Live. Infernal muck-worms 'Sdeath ! I grow wild with refentment j but you, my love, you feern quite unconcern'd. Har. Pardon me, dear Lively ! I feel the utmoft contempt of their depravity, roix'd with a kind of pity for THE TWO MTS ERS. 9 for my uncle's foible. But (fating his band, and looking fondly at him] the truth is that AIR. J!t thy prefence, vengeful pajfit?n y Envy, hate^ and indignation^ From this tranquil bojomfly. Wealth, by gold, let mifcreants meafure 9 Be but Lively'* heart my treafure t Gripe will be lefs rich than 1. Jenny. In, in, get ye in here's Gripe a-coming. Har, My uncle \ O lud ! I (hall die in fright. [Runs into the boufe with Jenny^ who locks the door. Live, (leaping in at bis window, and replacing the bar] Plague, welcome him. Enter Gripe, walking leifurely, with a parchment bend in bis hand. Gripe. Here's the bond ftamp'd and all Servant) kind Mr. Squander ! will you any more Rouleaus ? at the fame difcount ? hee, hee, hee, I ha' totted it up 200 piftoles, at two per cent, by the hour, will amount, in fix months, (with intereft upon intereftj to about 20,000!. fterling. Good ! pood ! Fife on it ! I'll have an execution in petto then, foufe his ma- gazines his town houfe his villa all mine, all mine Come, come, upon the whole, no dear pur- chafe. A I R ,0 THE TWO MISERS, A I R. If the proverb has truly afferted, lhat " a fool and bis cajh foon are parted" Like truth in the contrary lies ; That, who has it, and keeps it, is wife. Fools are fpouts, whence the rich torrent rujhes^ We, the cifterns, to fave all that gujhes ; And prevent it from running to wafte. While the ninnies Are melting their guineas, Some lurking regret flill within is, But we, without a Jigh, Pick up, what they let fly ; fheirenvy we, and they our jeft. Pulls out his bunch of keys, and unlocks his door, leav- ing the key in the lock ; then calls Jenny. Gripe. Jenny ! Jenny ! I fay. 'Jenny, (above at the window] Sir. Gripe. Fetch hither my fupper, hufly. y*nny. Your every day fupper, Sir ? Gripe. Yes, and the bottle of Cyprus wine. [Exit. Jenny. {Takes a turn in the fquare, towards Hunh's houfo. I ha' made too good a day's work on't, to grudge my- felf wine at night. Lively, (foftly opening the window] What is he mut- tering there ? Gripe, (to bimfelf, coming ju/l under the window] A lucky day has this been, both to Hunks and me * and to-morrow, he'll pin up the balket, by gating that nephew of his confin'd Lht* THE TWO MISERS. ir Live, (afede) How, how ? the fufty kidnapper ! confined ? I fhall give him the flip, tho'. [Withdraws, Jhittting the window* Gripe, retreating towards his own door, is met by Jen fry, carrying a morfel of bread, d phial bottle half full of wine, and a diminutive glafs, on a pewter plate. Jenny. Here, Sir Gripe, (eating and holding the glafs to befill'd] What's Harriet a doing ? Jenny. Waiting for you We have not fupp'd. Gripe. Well, you may (ftps] go to bed f to bimfilf) Mufti ! Jenny. Beft go in a door, Sir. Gripe, (walks to and fro* mounching andjipping) No*-* (ajide) warm rogues, your Muftis ! (to her) I fha'n't come home, to night, may hap (holds out the glafs to be fiWd} (afide] a plumb, at leaft. Jenny, (flaring at him, and not filling] Why, Sir,- 'tis wine (louder] wine, Sir. Gripe. Eh ? Fife on't ! I wasn't minding. Here^ lock up (giving the glafs, and remnant of bread] this , for to-morrow O ! a mint ! a mine ! -the Indies ! (in extacy] I fly, I fly. {Hurries away^ leaving his keys. Jenny, (looking after him] Quite frantic, I declare * (going *) a d has forgot nay, as I'm alive, he has (runs in with the things, then feizes the keys, and calls aloud"] Mr. Lively ! -Mifs Harriet ! (they look out\ Come down, come down, (they difappear as to defcend, then turning over the keys] ay, this is the key of his den this of the iron door to his clofet and this (to Harriet and Lively] fee here, my lambkins ! the cri- iis is come ; Gripe has forgot his keys See ! he (aid he (hou'd not be at home to-night But there's notrufting te that *So white I ft ep in, ftay you here, C 2 and ii THE TWO MISERS, and watch I'll not return empty-handed, I promife you. (runs joyfully into the houje) Lively. Fai^h ! my deareft Harriet ! 'twas high time -do you know that my vile uncle is plotting to get me confin'd ? Har. Confin'd ! on what pretext ? Lively. Madnefs, I fuppofe But let him catch me If he can. The tables are now turn'd, and our efcape fecur'd paft prevention. Har. I am on thorns to embark- My heart pre- fages we (hall be happy in Europe. AIR D U T. Fortune m more malicious* Love to our fiws- propitious, Wait but to crown our TPiJbes, In Europe ' 'till we land. Lively. Here knavijh Uncles Jpite us 9 Thither gay hopes invite *, Hyrntn will there unite us^ Jn his delightful band. Har, "1 Fortune no msre, &c. Lively. \Here knavijb uncles , &C. Har. j Steady fill, will ye love me ? Steady, Jitady. Lively. Steady, to death. Til prove * . Tea. . , . . . Steady, jleody. Hw. THE TWO MISERS. 13 Har. Steady wilt thou^ &c. Lively. Steady to death ^ &c. Har. O then ! lie ft and ble/ing, JLively. Carefl carej/tng, Pojpft pofftfing, Ne uncles to withftend. Har. . . . Our hearts we may expand., jOhthen! bleft, &c. Lively. \Ohthen! bleft, &c. [Jenny comes forth exulting on her arm a baflcet crammed full, in her hand a band- box a cafket, and parcels of paper, wrapt up in an apron. Jenny. (To Harriet) Joy ! joy ! the deeds ! the chattels ! I have them all. Now, my turtles, we take wing (recollecting) hang it ! 1 forgot Here, thefe (delivers them in a hurry) Be careful of the contents ; I'll be back immediately. [Exit. Har. O gitnini I what a load of finery I Come, Lively ! let's fit down, and Ja^'em all in order. [They fit *n the wall of the draw well^ placing apron and bajket between them, then range the par eels out of the one into tb* other. And firft this bundle of bonds, I fuppofe, at bottom. Live. Next, this band-box in the corner So and here on this Side, the cafket of jewels. Har. Stay, let me juft take a peep Oh ! Lively ! fuch noble brilliants Live. With what delight (hall 1 fee my angel wear them ! ah ! Harriet ! how enchanting is that look ! while your eyes thus, tenderly fhoot into mine, 'tis perfect extacy I (Jpringt te embrace her) Har. I 4 THE TWO MISERS. Har. (refentfully) How now, Sir? what liberty? (Takes his hand off the bafket , to repel him^ the bajket and apron fall into the well y Jhe j creams O heavens ! the bafket's dropt into the well. Jenny, (entering^ overhears her and f creams] Heavens and earth, into the well! (he turns away inconfufton) Har. (whimpering] A giddy pate ! with his Hoy- dcm(h pranks Live. I was fure {he had hold on't So, in my tranfport- Jenny, (provoked] Tranfport ! nonfenfe ! yes, yes- We're finely on our way now Lovers ! lovers, fay I . (wringing her hands) wretch I that I am. Live. Patience, Jenny ! Can't I go down for them ? Jenny, (eagerly] Egad, that's true and by my troth, fo you (hall, (ironically) Mr. Tranfport. Har. (alarm d] into the well ! (runs to look dswn into it.) A I R. Sure you have loft your fejifes, Lvok down, the depth immenfe is ; No bottom' can I fee. Blefs us / hsw cou'd you think ofit r He Jha*n't approach the brink of it, But y in to plunge ! IFbat he ? Oh t no, Fll never agree. Jenny. Lau ! what are you fo afraid of ? 'tis really not deep ; and befides, has been dry this long while. Live, (hiking up at the pulley) Ay, but there's never a rope. Jenny. THE TWO MISERS. 15 fenny. We can take the rope and bucket of Gripe's we ll. Come, let's in, a bit, for the prefent The pa- trole will be going their rounds, and they muft not fur- prize us. [Exeunt into Gripe's boufe y and Jbut the door. 'The Guards Mar A if played. Enter Ali, at the head of the Janizaries, marching in files. Halt in the middle of the J 'qua re. Ali. Don't you obferve^ lads, the noflurnal ftillnefs of this city, ever fince our corps has mounted guard here? Ojman. True, Captain every body allows it. All. (ftrutting importantly] Let's keep it up then. Hearken to your orders hem ! hem ! To you, Of- man for this night, I confign half the corps, and half the city ; weftward. You, Muftapha ! with the re- mainder, follow me this fquare fhall be our place of rendezvous. Muft. In faith, noble Captain, a mafterly manoeuvre. Ali. Now take heed all let your march be orderly and filent. One thing more I have intelligence of a tavern hereabout ; where, in mockery of our holy law wine is privily fold to the true believers Thofe quarters I fhall beat up and, if the wine be good, ma- raude it for our ftcret fervice Whifker of Maho- met, there's nothing like maintaining ftril order and dif- cipline Make ready march. A I R. TURKISH MARCH. All march round the ftage finging. The guard their midnight rounds begin y Let all retire ! let ceafe all din ; Home, i6 THE TWO MISERS. Homc^ home, without delaying , .Afo murmur / no gamfaying , Jiujh ! high and low degrte, So with our Lord Cadi. Ofman, with his party, file off to the left, AH with bis to the right. [Exeunt. END or THE FIRST ACT. THE TWO MISERS. ACT II. r nter Gripe alone, walking circumfpeftly about tht Square, peeping and lijiening on all fides. RECITATIVE accompanied. Gripe. * F it were done, when 'tis daneTlien 'twere well, It were done quickly. , Th* attempt, and not the deed, confounds usrJiriftly. Thejleeping and the dead are but as pittures, ^-Then we Jhall both, be Crcefus's if viftors. I'll fetch Hunks- (ponders) May I truflhim on this job? Beftdesthe rigour of thefe Turkijh laws ! To fwing -forfeit my wealth! Ay, there's the rub, Mujl give us paufe. AIR, What a curfed hole Tm /, Yet, mujl on, thro 1 thick and thin. If my Gojjip Hunks Jbould peach,. I'm within the Cadi's reach. D 18 THE TWO MISERS. After all, 'tis a crack rope venture, He the vault alone Jhall enter. His Jhall be the art of thieving, Mine but that of bare receiving* Gad, if I ben't Jharp and fly ', Hill clap flurrfry to my eye. ['Exit. Enter from Gripe'* houfe, Lively with a long rope in bis hand, Jenny with a bucket t and Harriet following. Lively. Efcape ? ay, fure, nothing to flop us- there's a fhip fails in the morning her Captain is my acquaintance, and has engaged to take us on board. Har. Lucky tho'*-that my uncle ftays abroad all night. A I R. Like the tuneful linnet gay, Long I fported in the May, And echo heard my chearful call; 7 jufi cou'd tattle, Chirp and prattle ; ' / jujl coudfing, and that was all : But now I perchjand plume^ and pride ', And more than tattle, Chirp and prattle, 1 now canjing, and love befide** Lively. Yes, we fhall be under fail ere mifs'd - (mounting on the brea/l wall, and flipping the rope into the pulley] O Gad ! how gaily we (hall live in Ireland, upon the funds of this well -(leaps down, and hands the rope's end to Jenny ) Ireland ! my Harriet, that's your true Female Paradife. There you'll all be Queens, Empreflfes, Sultanas eh, Jenny ? Jenny, (hanging, the bucket over the well) Ay, ay wellj this is fecur'd- -All's ready. Lively, Come, thendown I go. Har. THE TWO MISERS. 19 Har. But, hark'ce---are you Cure there's no danger? Jenny. Danger f why, the well is quite dry- i tcil you. [Lively ^fr */> the wall, and puts bis feet in the bucket^ while they take bold of the rope. A I R - T R I O. Har. (to Jenny) Hold the rope faf hold fafter. (to Lively) For you Tin in ptihis, my dear. Lively, jyhyjhsudyou dread dif after ? Kind Love is my guide, never fiar. Har. -- ;/ woiid it -were faff, (to Jenny)") - AW, new, bildfujl, Lively, (to both) > - 72* worj} is pajt, Jenny, (to Harriot J - / do hold f aft. Har. La! Pm in a terrible fright. Lively. T - Now douin 1 go. [gradually difjp. Jenny ) - So, fa, fb fo. Lively. \ - And the motion's flow, * Har. * - Huve a care Lively, f You lie nothing to do y but Jenny. < We nil Jhali be made by this night, Har. (_ Ah ! now he's quite out of fight, [is at the bot, Jenny, (to Lively) The bnJket---Pray, fave it, Lively. - - / have it. Har. - I'm glad he has got no hurt, Jenny, (to Lively) TheCaJket don't leave it. Lively. I vz pick* d* em both out of the dirt, Jenny, (to Lively) Next, find tin doth. D 2 Lively. 10 THE TWO MISERS. Lively. .' Til get it. Har. (to Jen. andL'iv.) Deuce take ye both, tm fretted' Lively. 1 All's fafe, and now let us retreat, Jenny. > Now let us retreat. Har. J Let us retreat: (to both) Don't loiter thus, For I'm in fufs ! For fear we be caught in the ftreet. Jenny turning about, fees Gi ipe and Hunks at a diflance. Jenny, (to Harriet) IPho are thefe two coming ysnder ? Har. coming yonder ? Good lack ! our uncles. Jenny. - Your uncles, 1 fwear. Har. IJfkat brings 'em homefofoon, I wonder. 7 Old Nick mufl furg have conjur'd 'em there. Jenny. * Nick take the troubUfome pair. Lively, (below impatient} "J Hawl, bawl away, howl. Har. (to Lively) >HuJh, hujh, do not bawf. Jenny, (to Harriet) J He will ruin us all, Lively. ~) Tm ready, what makes you delay. Har. >0ur uncles are coming this way". Jenny. J There's company coming this way. Har. I We're forSd to retire, Lively, i- Blood and fire ! Jenny. J Have patience, 'Squire. Har. "J Wire furely caught if wejlay, Lively. ^You'll keep me here 'till 'tis day, Jenny. J Exwfe this little delay. The THE TWO MISERS. 21 The Women efcape intz and embrace^ exulting- Gripe. Soh ! lhat taflc's finifh'd ; and the treafure's our own. Hun. THE TWO MISERS. 23 Hun. (turning to the pyramid] Finifh'd ! yes to be fire rarely finifh'd ! why, there's a huge iron grate iHl. Stay (takes the lantern to examine] Gripe (:o bimfelf] No trifling ho. rd for certain fo firmly barricaded. H.IIH. Oh ! we may compafs it yet Here's a groove, you fee (hews Ms a flidcr Hold this, (the lantern] Til try to lift it. (exerting bimjelf] No, i'fecks, 1 a' n't irrong enough lend me a hand. Gripe, (fets down the lantern^ and goes to ajjift him] Now, Jay to o' your lidc. That's it Ie:'s raiis ic quite up. Hun. There it gees high enough if we had fomc- thing to clap under it. Gripe. Bear it up, while I run for the crow (hav- ing -fix d it] let go now it can't fall. Hun. That's clever, i'fecks ! Stay ; is the vault deep? why, (takes the lantern and looks dawn] our lad der was needlefs here's a little flair cafe. Gr'^c. All the 'better Now then, down wf ye ; you have the lantern. Hun. Here, goflip, take it you and go down your- Gripc. A tomb I troth, gofiip, I'm afraid I fhou'ci never c;et alive to the bottom. Hun. (foatcbtng the lantern from him] Pfha ! Pol- troon ; give it me I'll go down myfelf (going to the pyramid, tur;n ts Gripe] but take notice, I'll ha' ;he larger ihare. Gripe. Go down, go down, man we'll fettle that afterwards. Hun, (entering the pyramid) I'fcck?, I'm all in a flut- ter too but then the treafure ay that keeps me up. (goes down] Harriet, (joftly opening her ivintlffiv] StiU there ! aUs ! poor Lively ! (fiuts itit:fiantl\] Gripe, (at the mw.th cf the varlt ts Hunks below] Well, are you at bottom ? Is theie much? Throw up to me whatever you find. Hun (bcloiv) Find? i'fecks, I find nothing j but ! andjlands in the window gnterfrom the right, Ali, with four Janizaries, half drunk, each Carrying two bottles and a drinking cup. Enter at the fame time, but on the oppofite fide, Of- man, with his party ; tbev are furprizd at the Intoxi- cation of their comrades, but (getting from them each one bottle) they fall to guzzle in long draughts, during the fymphony^ of the enfuing catch, a faint light glim- mers from thi vault. A I R 2 6 THE TWO MISERS, A I R. A CATCH. All .Muftapha Janizary. Ali. 1 Muft. I Jan. J Filly every lad Ms cup.' Ali. -------- Fill it a bumper. Jan. - Minis a thumper. \ Muft. - Drink it up. All drinks, making a noife in his throat, while fwallowing, viz. Ali. m -- - -- ne. Muft ' \ ...... Swiir till mellow! kancjl fellow, Jan. * Ali. 1 don't leave one drop in mine: Mujlapka drinks, making the fame noife; Muft. ?. Muft. ---- 1 don't leave, Janizary drinks, making the fame noife. Jan. Wi ---- ne. Mu(l - \ ...... Swill '////, ^ Ali. } THE TWO MISERS, 27 Ali. *} Let drones, pare on, "> Muft, I Their dull Koran, I I While we' re laughing, C* ' Jan. J Gaily quaffing, J AH'* tftf /; 0///; and cups, and then come back. Ofman and his party Jit down on the further end of the ftage, tontinuing to drink ; one of All's men feats kimfelfclofe to the draw well, leaning his elbow on the wall ; two others place them/elves near him, fitting. AH and Muftapha ftagger forward. Mi. (his hand upon bis breajl as in pain) And yet, this devilifti liquor parches one up. (hiccup) By Mecca, my fiomach's a coal of ftre. Muft. And mine boiling oil, by Omar ! but fee ! here's a well ! Let's draw fome water (hiuup) 'twill quench us. All. Right and the rope's in the pulley too (They lay hold on the ccrd, and begin to pull. The other three drunk, fallajleep and fnore} Now, both together. Muft. (looking toward the Pyramid) Eh ! blefs me ! don't I fee light from yond' monument ? 'and a hole broke in the front, I think. All. (tugging the cord) Damn'd heavy this fame water. Muft. (his eyejlill to the Pyramid] Nay, but look ! . if I have eyes All. Ptih ! blaft your eyes! pull away, Vifionary ! 'Caufe the Mufti was buried there, you're afraid he'll life ard cat you. Eh ? (liking toward the Pyramid, and pulling with all his jm'ght) See ? what can you ice ; Were I to fee the devil, I'd no more matter. Lively, drawn itp in the bucket, while their* heads are turned ajide^ appears drcft in the Muftfs turban an:l r r l-e, with the bafket on his arm ; he lays hold on one of tke pojts with his left haml^ Vptdjprings upcn tie ^i\iU t givi ;: g, ^ t':e fame iiifiant n.-.tb his riht E 2 L>'.d, a* THE TWO MISERS. hand, an hearty box on the ear to the Seeping zary next to him, who* in a fright, tumbles upon his comrade ; they* flruggling to rife, obftruft each other. Mean while All and, Muftapha, pulling hard, and not being longer refijted by Lively'* weight^ Juddenly fall; letting go the rope, the bucket falls. Lively, (/landing on the breaft w.all, bellows out] Boo mifcreants ! boo ! M the Jan. Qh ! oh ! the Mufti ! the devil ! All. (coming up in terror} Accurs'd wine! A judgment ! our Prophet's vengeance ! [Runs off. Muftapha and Ofman with his party, rife in fright and running away, throw down the ladder. 'Janizaries, at once. The devil ! the Mufti himfelf at our heels Run, run. [Exeunt. Hunks, alarm d, comes up to the grate, Gripe trembling in the window. ' fyv.ely. (i-.pon the wcjl) Ha ! ha ! 1 think I have icar'd the raicais. [Ltaps down,. Gripe, (quaking for f far] Save us ! a fpedre ! I *Lai; tumble headlong;. Lively, (aloud at Gripe'* door] Jenny ! Jenny! come cjown, 'tis I. [Stands gazing with joy at bis bafkct. Jenny, (within} Mr. Lively's voice, I vow Quick, quick, Mifs. Gripe, faftcnifhcd) Benetiicite ! Fife en it, I'll niake off l)iftration ! my ladder thrown down ! and the Cadi r --pofting hither. Har. (running out eagerly) I* it you, my dear S : r r 1 (She and Jenny frighted at iht Mufti's habit, run baJ: [creaming] Aah f Aah ! Lively, (overtaking them) Stop, flop don't fquai'1 \ What ails ye ? (throwing off" the tin ban and robe) ?tis I Lively/ (Tbeyft'are) Gripe, (amaz'd) How ? Livejv ! Hun. (j'urprizcd, but f leafed) My nephew ! he'JJ help ;ne out, i fecks. liar, (^jilting to herfelf] (to Lively) Lud t ho.V you frighted nie that itran THE TWO MISERS. 29 Jenny. (Springs at the ba/ket on his arm) This is fefe, however - and now, my pets, for Europe, ho ! Live. Ay, ay now or never. (all hurrying off".) Hun. (from the grate calh piteoujly) Lively ! (he ftarts and loaks back) Gripe, (atthgfame time from the window) Harriet! (Jhe ftarts) Har. (ju 'ft fainting) Our uncles ! - good heavens! Jen. and Live, (fupporting her) Away ! away ! away ! (going) Hun. Ah ! Lively ! can you forfake me thus ? Gripe. My dear Harriet ! - won't you flay and help me ? (Harriet and Lively ftand amazed ', Jenny burfts into a a fit of laughter) Jenny. Ha ! ha ! ha ! - was ever fight fo ridicu- lous ? ha ! ha 1 - Look at 'em - this owl in his cage, - and that antique in his niche - ha ! ha ! ha I (holding herjldes) A I R Q_U A R T E T. Gripe Harriet Lively Hunks Gripe, ('to Har.) Dear niece, come and take me down* Live, (to Gripe] How got you there ? Hun. ('to Live.) Take me out firft. Live, fto Hun.) What brought you there ? Har. Hafte, my dear Lively, tq relieve 'em. Jen. What fef 'em free without conditions ? No, no -make ^rms firft bind 'em now you'll never have 'em at fuch another hold. Gri. Niece, my dear Niece, do hut perfuade your favourite gallant there to help me down, and I'll re (lore every (hilling of your fortune. Jen. And give your confent to her marriage with him ? 4 Gri. Ay, with any body. Jen. So much for the gentleman above flairs now, w!>at fays this in *he cellar? Hun. Any thing any thing-r-1'11 render up my l rult. 3o 'THE TWO MISERS. "Jen. Make your nephew your whole and fole heir ? 'Hun. Willingly Jen. And you both fvvear to keep your words ? G ' 1 Never. Hun. j Jen. Never to go from your agreement ? > Never. Or we deliver you over to the Cadi for per* jury ? rT ; ' And his janizaries Chall carbonado us. Liv. Enough Jenay, there's a ladder I'll raife if, and do you relieve one, "while I attend the other. Gri. Fife on't girls, don't be in fuch a hurry. Harriet and Jenny rear up tbe ladder to Gripe. Lively goes to ojjift Hunks. Gripe, (ftpanibling down) Fife on it ! Girls make haire I'm in fuch a tremor -The Cadi--- Hun. (to Lively) Quick- quick-dear ladr up with it'! I'll help \Tl)s grate is rals'd^ elap3 it down again y be embraces Lively in tnnifport. Gripe, (pujhing doiun the ladder ', and coming forward] .Lord be prais'd I'm once more on Terra Finua. Hun. (advances^ capering for joy] Huzza ! I'm dif- emtonib'd. (jbaking bis bend at Gripe) Ah! Goffip ! We, who thjuglu to hd' been fo rich ! A I R LAST QUINTET and CHORUS. Hunks Giipe Harriet Lively, and Jenny. Jipn- (to Gril-e)?Tis pojl nnv Gojjifa let's count our gains , 11 f have bad our labour far our pains. If hencffoi th e'er be caught, (jold f.ndir.g in a vault } To u THE TWO MISERS. 3 c You may keep me there ^ 1 vow and fwear, I'll own it my own fault. Gripe. (toHunh) "Tisyou 9 y' old devil in human Jhape f IVhobeguifdyour Gojjipinto t hi sf crape! Wboy his greedy hopes cajofd^ JV? your Mufti's heaps untold* \ Tour golden dreams Of ingots^ gems j "To helly you'd trot for gold. Hun. (to Gripe) My love of goU 9 I for ever renounei 1 Gripe, (to Hunks) And my atf rice Hay afide at once ', Hun - \-Tomy i^ 1 \reftore. Gripe. 5 * Niece I nw* Hun. Gripe. Hun. -j -My mind's at rejl {While they are Wejl. Gripe. 3 We never can be poor. Jl-ive. ? (kneeling^ With duteous gratitude thus 1 Har. > bend. lve ' j. ---- /,/ the parent happy to find the friend. > ' -To Jhield you from annoy. our f ok \ ~"- Jenny, (curtfyingj Of this event. Genteels I wijh you jay. To the Audience. u j ---- J} u{ there's one treasure whtrof we Jltll Hun. 32 THE TWO MISERS. Hun ' I Mujl Mifen bewhich is, Gripe. J A 11 /with a low bow } Yaur frn?>ii:i!L All (with a low bow,)--- Tour g pj ar< ...Such welcome guejls to bring, Live. Jenny. * We'll Jlraiir both voice and firing. -\ With a twinkum twankum> All. > We will thank 'em, 3 Twinkum twankum, iiwng. CHORUS. 5^^ welcome guefis to bnng^ We'll fir ain both voice and firing JtH*^ I^w^ 33^ frith a twinkum^ twankum, We will thank 'em, JL A Y* ' 'O $I'wii&umjtu;anku)n> twing* A a- vi o i T i a a THE END. * m* - THE DESERTER; NEW MUSICAL DRAMA. AS IT IS PERFORMED AT THE THEATRE-ROYAL IN DRURY-LANE. A NEW EDITION. LONDON: Printed for T. BECKET, the Corner of the Adelphi, in the Strand. 1776, [PRICE ONE SHILLINQ. } T * ^ ol : 3SBJ2 ifonwj9tw no ni JBI^ t 8i933ifl ali ndod asrf 7f ' ;glifl^ rioiiiw Ito .iT8p:, 7 3(3 B , Wmirl 3 i ..... s'^t gai lo - tO THE PUBLIC, JL/E DESERTEUR, is Well known to have been thefe five years the moil favourite Mufical Piece on the French Stage : fo great indeed has been its fuccefs, that in this fhdrt time it has been tranflated into three lan- guages ; one of which tranflations we have lately feen at the King's Theatre in the Hay- market, under the title of I/ Defer fore. Indeed, when you once admit the circum- ftance of Henry's confefling himJfelf a De- ferter, nothing can be more truly in- tere fling than fome of the incidents 5 A a i 11390 ol : 9J3 rfona-j^rh no iii JiiJ t 3loo oinf l4Rni6i SMC! efii fi amit aw ^fioifiw loano^j '^S^S JTs^fii, -bidl - . 3 Q 'ii^ , : om 3d nsD ^airf i ^dt' la smol nsd) tO THE PUBLIC. L, DESERTEUR, is Well known tq have been thefe five years the moft favourite Mufical Piece on the French Stage : fo great indeed has been its fuccefs, that in this fhbrt time it has been tranflated into three lan- guages j one of which tranflations we have lately feen at the King's Theatre in the Hay- market, under the title of Il&efertore. Indeed, when you once admit the circum- flance of Henry's confeffing himfelf a De- ferter, nothing can be more truly in- ure fling than fome of the incidents 5 but yet they arc brought about in a way peculiarly calculated for the French Stage : The resolution of Henry was too Hidden, ' too unprepar'd, as well as the circumftancc " of the mock- wedding that precedes it -, and throughout the piece, there were a number of cold, inanimating occurrences,.: that had very little, if any, relation to the main de- fign ; and, add to this, it was never in- tended for an Opera, for the author hina- felf calls it a Comedy, interlperfed with rgijoifi I i/;iV EsfiiaBi /r It was thought, therefore, that if the un- neceffary incidents were expunged* and thofe retained were rendered more probable -, if, by making an uniform partition between the dialogue and the fongs, it could be brought more to wear the complexion of an Opera, 'the Deffrter might be entitled to a favour- able reception on the Englifh ftage; how far thefe ftiggeftiens were reafonable> tht public (who are the beil pdfe^ and by ada a'i ILK iiiA aiil i^di bo whofe iJ>B-' vm oJ 3f With regard to the Mufic, as I found it a work of great invention,. I fliould have- kept it in its original ftate, had it been poffible j but beiides the excellive length of the fongs, the continual breaks into re- ^citatiVe, the frequent fitdden " alterations o the ftilej and above all, that famenefs which fo particularly characterizes the French Mufic, I found it much too grave to fland the leaft chance of fuccefs in an after-piece : I, therefore, felected what I thought the beauties, and what I could not effect by having recourfe to the original, I have en- deavoured to fupply myfelf; 3i i aldcdoiq 3iom baiabhsi od* n33v/t3d noiliii^q rmolinu ns In juftice to the French compofer, I think it abfoiutely neceflary to declare, that the fangs,: beginning, " One conduct's for bath Itfve rS' < f The nymph who in my bofom I^ncAfo? Svnkin, I'd have you to know." *' And the whims of folks in /eve ; " are wholly iny own ; and that the firft air ia the piece, and and that beginning, ' My life s three farts diminljtid" are by Philidor, a name of no inconsiderable note in the mufical world I have nothing to add, but that I take this opportunity of making my acknowledgments to the performers* for the fupport they were of to this piece ; J would, indeed, but that I - defpair of finding words worthy the occafion, exprefs my gratitude to the public for their favourable reception of it. rj{. ,iM ' .M a M o w Dramatis P&rfbnse. bits ofl lo arnfin /lobilid*! yd SIB " t V^* bliow iBDJtiimr 3ra nfalon HENRY, Mr. VERNQN, I terfo Ivir. iJAN o JioqqiA arfiiSAiAxaq sdl or l XTJLA JL -TX *V O W 1>I * ^ >o adl >(djiow abiow saibnd to ii oilduq ^di T^r^bBWJI^s FIRST SOLDIER, Mr. CARPENTER, SECOND SOLDIER, Mr. FAWCET, THIRD SOLDIER, Mr. KEAR, FOURTH SotmE^i Mr, BLANCHARD. WOMEN. LOUISA, Mrs. SMITH, JENNY, Mrs. WRIGHTEN, MARGARET, Mrs. LOVE* z THE DESERTE R. SIMT What can all this feafting be for ? JEN. I'll s;ive you, while I wind up this bottom and another, and you thin*t iind it out. SIM. Why then if you know fo well, why don't you tell us what it is ? JEN. Ah, I thought you would none of you gucfs it i this grand fcailiag at the DucheCs's is becaufe the King's coming to the camp. MARG. Who told you fo ? . JEN. I had it from Gaffjr Rufct himfelf. SIM. Does the King come to the camp to-day ? MARG. Why yes, I knew that. SIM. Then as fure as can be, I know what wilt happen. JEN. Why what will happen ? SIM There will be t\v> weddings in the village before to-morrow night. MARG. How fo ?" SIM. Why is not Henry, the young foldier, to marry Louii'a, G ifi^r IlulH-c's daughter, as foon as the review's over ? JEN. Not if I can prevent it. MARG. Well that's but one wedding ! SIM. Yes, but Jenny can tell you whofe wedding t'others ro be. "JEN. How mould I know ? SIM. Ah, you wont fay any thing before folks, feecaufe you're afaam'd ! JEN. What do you mean ? SIM. As if you did not know JEN. Not I indeed. SIM. Why did not you promife me, that when Henry married Louifa you'd marry me ? JEN, Yes, yes, and I'll keep mv word ; when ever Henry marries Louifa, I'll marry you. S C E N E T H E D E S E R T E R. SCENE II. RUSSET, LOUISA, S i M K r N, MARGARET, JENNY, and Villagers. AIR II. Lou ISA. Why muft 1 appear fo deceitful* 1 cannot ', dear father , comply : Ah ! could I think him fo ungrateful^ With anguijh I ftarely Jbculd die. What fo tender , at parting, he told 'me ', Which fucbjoy to my bofom ctnvey'd-, When next he was doomed to behold me. Could I think would be this way repaid ? Rus. We 11, well, but child- Lou. Indeed, father, 'tis impoffible ; I never can confcnt to fuch a thing. Rus. Odds heart, Louifj, there's no harm in it. Neighbours, come round here, I'll tell you the whole affair , you know what a dear good lady theDuchefs is ? MARG. Ah, fhe's a dear good lady, indeed, and we all of us ought to do every thing me orders us. Rus. I and my family in particular ought, for many's the good thing me has given me, and my old Dame , then how kind fiie was to all my poor' child- ren ! me ftood god-mother to this, and had her chriftened after her own name. SIM. Louifa. Rus. Well, now we come to the point : Henry, you know who was bred up with my girl* and in- tended from his infancy for her huiband, is a ibldier. B 2 SIM; 4 T H E D E S E R T E R SIM. So he js. Rus And becaufe me has . a value for every thing that belongs to me, this good lady, about three weeks ago, fent to the colonel lor his difcharoe, that the young folks may live at home at their cafe, and be as happy as the day is long. MARG. That will be charming and comfortable for you, neighbour. Rus. Yes, but now comes the mifchief of it ; what has occafion'd it I don't know ; I never faw any harm of the lad, but there are always bufy tongues in this village, doing people ill-offices; and fuch reports, within the fe few days, have reached the Duchefs's ears, that fhe is determined to fee fur- ther into- this bufmefs, before fhe gives Louifa the portion me-prorn;l! j d her. JEN. You may thank me for that. Lou. But he'll be heie to-day-, and fo well T know his heart, that I am lure he'll clear himieJf to their confufion, who could fj vilely traduce him. JEN. Perhaps not. Rus. Well, child, I am 'fure you can't wifh it more then I do ; nothing has ever pleas'd me fo much as the thought of your coming together; J wifh to fee you married with all my heart, for I fhall then have nothing to do but to liflen to the prattle of your children, and .prepare mylelf to follow poor Dorothy. ' . yi U0'< . AIR ; THE DESERT E R. A I R III. 9^1 rb My life's three parts dimim/h'd, bnE , And when thefum isfmijtid, The parifi-bell may toll, Graf mercy on. my foul! Ding dong ! Swin% (-wong ! Me thinks my old companions fay, That though bis hairs are now grc-wn grey, Old RUSSET once, ~upon a day, When all was mirth and jollity -, When /ports went round, and bells did ring, Could brijkly dance, and Hyjhe could fmg And then upon the green to fee His rujlic feats 'twas who hit he I I'd give this baulk, life, away, Without afigh, could I but ft ay, To fee a little infant care -, Like HENRY brave, LOUISA /#/r j Could Ijee this, Pd yield content, A life, 1 hope, net badly fpent. r But as I was telling you, the Duchefs hearing of fchele reports, is determin'd that we {hall make a tryal of his aftcdions. Lou. Indeed, father, there's no neceffity for it; he loves me mod finccrely. Rus. Nay, ray, child, I really think your love carries you away too much in this affair ; it can do no harm -, 'tis only an innocent frolick ; you arc to make believe as if you were a bride, and let me fee who oh, you (hall be the bridegroom. ,SiM. Shall I ; I'cod I'm glad of that. Rus. $ T. HE DESERTER. Rus. But above all, I muft inftrufl you, Jenny, in your part ; your are to fit here, and tell Henry, when he comes, that Louifa and Simkin were mar- ried yefterday. JEN. The very thing I wifh'd. Lou. I am vex'd to death that this trick ihould be play'd him ; I can judge by myfelf what he'll feel, if I was told fuch a thing of him, how miferable I Hiouldbe. Rus. But; he'll be fo much the happier, when he finds out the deceit, child. AIR IV. LOUISA. ' 'Though prudence mayprefs vw, And duty difirefs me^ Agamft inclination, 0, what can they do / No longer & rover, His follies are over, My heart, my fond heart, fays my HENRY is true. The bee, thus as changing, Promfweet to facet, ranging, A rcjefoouldhe light on, ne'er wijkes toftray ; V/ith raptures In one every blejfing, 9 Till torn f torn herbofom, be flies far away. Rus, T H E D E S E R T E R, ^ ' Rus. Well, well, don't make yourfelf uneafy , I dare fay he loves you as fincerely as you think he does; iffo he'll loon be undeceived, nnd we fhall finifh the day as happily as we could wilh: in the mean time, let us think of what we have to do ; we are to pretend we came from the church ; the riddles and bagpipes are to go firil, then the lads and laiTes follow ; after which, mind this now, we are to go to the Duchefs's rnanfion in grand proceffion, and there to be feafted like fb many princ.es and princefTes: SIM. Pcod that \vril f.jit , nic .nicely. But, Gaffer Ruffet, Jenny fays, y^u.t^ki ii--.--, uu reading was to be for the king Rus. For us, and che king; yes, yes, the king, after he and his courtiecs\ liuve had an etertainment at the duchefs's, goes to review the camp, where the ibldiers are all to ap.pear under arms. 4h, girls ! that's what none of you know any thing about , wrrcrji the king goes to the caiTip,then's thetime the drums beat the fifes piay the colours are flying and and Lord L.ord ! what a charming thing war is ! SIM. Itmuft be then when one comes home again, and it's all over. Rus. There's no life like the life of "a foldier-, and then for love ! let th^ girls take care of their hearts: L remember 1 won my Dorothy juft after I came from fuch a review now as there may be to- day. MARG. Ah, indeed, the foldiers make fad work with young wpmens hearts, fure enough, Rus. And how can it be otherwifc. A I R T I-T E DESERTER. A I R V. One cen duffs 'for Bow love and war, *Thc point's to grin pofejfion -, For this we watch 'The enemy's coajl, 'Till we fleeping catch Then on their poft : Then good frye form, The fort we^ftcrm, And by thefc arts, Make towns or hearts, Surrender at difcretion. In love the only battery, Which with juccefs we play To conquer hearts, is flattery : No fortrefs can its power withftand, Neither cannons^ mortars^fword in handy Can make fuch way. As 'tis in love, fo *tis in war y We make believe, Miflead, deceive , Pray, what ferve drums and trumpets for ? Cannons, and all our force of arms? But with' their thund'riii* alarms, o tell, not cover, our dejigns -, Can thefe to trenches, breaches, mines, Blockades, or ambufcades, compare ? 1 No, all agree 'That policy, Is the true art militaire. Buj- THE DESERTER. 9 But come, come, we muft go and prepare our- felves ; you have not much time to fpare, and fee where he comes hurrying along there ; there, now he clambers up yonder hill well done, faith ! Ah, your lovers have no gout to (top them. Come, child neighbours, come along. Lou. Cruel father ! [Exeunt. SCENE 1IT. HENRY. ^ in the wedding procej/ion, RUSSET, SIMKIN, LOUISA, MARGARET, JENNY and Villagers.- A I R VI. HENRY. The nymph, who in my bofom reigns, With fuch full force my heart enchains^ That nothing ever can impair The empire Jhe poffeffes there. digs for ft ones of radient ray, Finds bafer matter in his way ; The worthlefs load he may contemn, But prizes ftill and fecks the gem , , *io THE DESERTER. -;h bccO But I hear mufic, v/hat can this be ? All the vil- lagers are coming this way it lecms like a wedding I'll retire How I envy this couple ! Rus. Charming! He has hid 'himfelf pretend not to fee him don't turn your head that way he's looking at you now ! J_ou. How cruel not to let me have one look! SIM. No, you mud look at nobody but me new; I am the bridegroom you know. Rus. Jenny, be fureyou play your part well. JEN. Never fear me. My part's a much more difficult one than they imagine. *at SCENE IV. JENNY, who fits down to fpinning, and HENRY, who comes forward during her long. A I R VII. JENNY. Some how my fpindle I 'mi/laid* And loft it underneath thegrafs \ Damon advancing, bowfd his head, 'And] aid, what feck you* pretty lafs ? Alittle love, but urfd with care, Oft leads a heart, and leads it far. ; v nV 'Twaspaftngmgb yon fpr ending oak, That Imyfpindle loftjujt now, His knife' then kindly Damon took, And from the tree he cut a bough. A little love, &c.&c. 3 "S UO at s-it/ov Thus did the youth hit time employ, While me he tenderly beheld ; j 37U 1 He talkidcf Icve, I leap* d for joy, For, ah ! my bean did fondly yield. A little lo^e % &c. &c, HEN. THEDESERTER. >i HEN. Good day, young woman. JEN. (fmgs ) 'Twas pafling nigh, &c. HEN. Young woman ! JEN. {fings )'Twas pafling nigh, &c. HEN. Pray tell me, what wedding that is ? JEN. Whas ! that wedding ? HEN. Yes. JEN. Do you want to know whofe wedding it is ? HEN, Ay, ay. JEN. What, that wedding that went paft ? HEN. Yes, yes. JEN. Why, 'tis a wedding in the village here, HEN. But whofe, I afk you ? JEN. (fmgs ) HEN. Are you making a jeft of me ? anfwer me* I beg of you. JEN. Why I do anfwer you, don't I ? ( fags ) HEN. What, again ! Whofe is this wedding ? Whole is it ? Speak, or I'll did not I fee arncngft them ? diftracTion ! >will you anfwer, you ! JEN. Lord, you are fo impatient ! why then the wedding is Louifa's, Old Ruffet's daughter, the in- valid foldier. HEN. Louifa's wedding ! JEN! Yes, (he was married yeiterday. HEN. Married ! good heavens ! Are you fure of what you fay ? Do you know Ruflet ? JEN. Do I know him ? to be fure I do \ why he is bailiff to the Duchels. What makes you fo uneafy ? you feem as if you had an intereit in it. HEN. An imereft in it ! Oh 1 JEN. Dear me, if I remembear right, you are the young man that every body thought fhe'd be married to: O law! what wickednefs there is in the world ! I am fure I very fincerely pity you. HEN. I am oblig'dto you tor your concern. JEN. Nay, it is not more on your account than my own, that I am uneafy. ^ HE*, i2 T. H E D E S E R T E R. HEN. Irfow fo ? JEN. Why fhe was not content with making you miferable, but fhe mull make me fo too: the vile wretch fhe's married to, has perjur'd himfelf; for he has fworn a thoufand and a thouland times to marry me. HEN. What falfehood and treachery ! JEN. If I was you I would not bear it quietly -, not but me'd brazen it all out, for I tax'd her with it myfdf, and fhe only laugh'd in my face, and told me that you and I might go and mourn together, like two turtles, the lofs of our mates. HLN. Iniulting creature ! JEN. Yes, and for my part I faid to myfelf, fays I, 'twould be a good joke to take her at her word ^ but then again 1 thought that though revenge is fweet, yet people have their likings, and their diflikings ; and as for me, to be lure, I can't pretend to fuch a good young man as you. HEN. (Net regarding her) Infamous wretch! well might me keep her eyes fix'd upon the ground ; but Til fee her, upbraid her with her infidelity, and leave her to the guilty reproaches of her own im- grateiul heart. JEN. Young man HIN. (Returning) Well, what do you fay ? - JEN. I believe you did not rightly hear what I faid. HEN. Oh, I have no time tor trifling. SCENE V. V M.8 3!-ih/;T J E fc N Y, S I M K I V. JEN. Poor foul ! how he takes it to heart j biit I mult -'follow him; for if 1 loie this opportunity, I may not find it eafy to get another. I5ut, .ftay, upon fecord thoughts, if I can but make a -tool of Simkin, and by that means alarm Lou i fa, I mail every THE D E'S E R T E R. 13 every way gain my ends ; for if (be once believes him capable of flighting hrr, 1 am lure me has too much jpirit CVIT to ice him again. SIM. Oh, Jenny, 1 am glad I have found you; what do yon think brought me away from JLouiii and them ? JEN. I neither know nor care. SIM. Why, I was afraid you'd be jealous. JEN. I jealous ! . SIM. Why yes, you know, becauie I pretended to be Louila's hulband . JEN. No, I'd have you to know, I am not jealous; I am only vcx'd to think I have been fuch a fool, to liften to you ib long ; you bafe creature, you ; SJM. If I did not think there was fomething the matter, by your looking fo crofs. JEN. And enough to make one ; you know I can't help loving you, and this is the way you return my affection. SIM. Why you know 'twas only in pl;iy. JEN. In play! I could fee plain enough, how your eyes fparkled upon the bare mention of being the bridegroom. SIM. Now, Jenny, if you would but hear me fpeak JEN. Speak! get out of my fight, you perjnr'd wretch ! I was fool enough not to credit what I heard of you, but 1 dare lay 'tis all true. SIM. Why, what did you hear of me ? JEN. That it was you who invented all thefc re- ports about Henry. SIM. Me ! as 1 am a living chriftian, Jenny JEN. Don't fay a word to me, you have made me milerable, and now*you want to infult me. SIM. -Indeed I don't; you can't think now, hov* happy I could make you, if you wou'd only hear me three words JEN. i'4 T H E D E S E R T E *. JE>J. Don't talk to me of happinefs, for I never fhall be happy as long as I live. SIM. How dearly me loves me; what a pity it is fiie won't let me clear up this affair. JEN. And then that demure little minx; oh, I could tear her eyes out ; I was always afraid of it, and now I am convinced that her pretended love fjr Henry, was nothing but a contrivance to blind me the eafier. SIM. Pear, de.r JEN. But however, you have both mifs'd your aim, for Henry behaves as he ought to do, and holds her arts in contempt ; nay, he told me hitnfelf, he had fix'd his affections up a more worthy object. SIM He did! J EN. Yes, he did, and you may go and tell her fo ; and as for me, A I R VIII. Mr. SIMKIN, Yd have you to know, That f BY all your fine airs, I'm not at wy loft prayrs, Not put to.it fo, That of coxffe I rnuft take up with you ; For I really, Sir, think, that tk I need not go far off to feek, Fcr a better than you any day of theiusek. To be fare 1 Imuft own, I 'WAS foolrjh enough, To believe all the tenderwfi, nonfenfe, and fluff y Which for eve* you dinnd in my ears : And when for a 'while ycii > i i s been cut of my Jight, The day has been comfcrtkfs, dreary at nighty And my only companions my tears ; But now that's all o'er, / bate ycu y defpifeycu, will fee you no more. SCENE THE DESERT E R. [ft .iS. SCENE VI. ; of { Mi2 SIM. Why what the deuce has got hold of her ? for my fliare I believe all the folks in our village are gone mad m;>.d ! 1'cod I'll be hang'd if any Bed- Uniites are half fo mad as folks in love. -/d gnifbo, \ oft ATT? TY A 1 R IX. The whims of folks in love to know, , n , g / believe would fairly pofe Old Nick \ This moment f aft next moment flow, Now consenting, Now repent ing, m l Nor at this, or that will flick ; But changing ftill t They won I they will When they mean Yes, they'll anfwer No ; And fume and fret, This hour to get^ What they diQike an hour \jgo. If you expeR to find them here, ' To t'other fide they quickly vere ; The wind and tide, In the fame mood will longer bidt* Like two fond turtles fide by fide : This hour they WOQ, And bill and coo ! Then, by and ly, No reafon why, Tbey make the Devil and all to do. , , ''* \\Vi 16 THE DESERTER. SCENE VII. A party of Soldiers, afterwards HENRV. 1 Sold. I'll tell you, my boys, how the matter ftands ; if we can but catch hold of him, thefummum fotraoff of the thing is this, he'll be firft try'd and then ffi or. 2 Sold. Yes, butfuppofewedon'tCutchholdofhim ? 3 Sold. Why then he'll neither be try'd nor ihot. 4 Sold. No more he won't. 2 Sold. But I have been thinking how we mall do to know him. i Sold. Ay, you are a fool in thefe matters, I'll tell you how you'll know him , here ! here ! I've got his name and his marks (reading). Hannibal Firebrand, fix foot and an inch high, cf an orange tawney com- plexion, a Roman noJe, and the letters R. T. burnt in the palm of his hand; the devil's in it if we can mifs him. , 3 Sold. Well, but ybu need not have taken all this, pains, for you know he was your pot-companion. 1 ScJd Faith, I forgot that. 2 Sold. And would you go to lift your hand againft your friend ? 1 Sold. Againft my friend ! ay, againft my father, if he was to 'defer! j but (lay, ftand by, perhaps this is he! (they draw back] HEN. Where fhall I fly ? the unhappy have no friends? all I meet, make a feoff of my lufferings. 2 'Sold It muft be him. i Sold Keep back. HEN. A 1-2 the inhabitants of this place turned brutes r have they no compaffion ? i Sold There, you fee how it is, none of the people will fkreen him, they are honeft, and refufe to do T H E DESERTER. i; do it ; I'll take care the king (hall know what good fubjects he has. HEN. At my home, where I expected to receive fo kind a welcome, I am furrounded with enemies. i Sold. There ! there ! he fays he expected to receive a kind welcome from the enemy. > Sold. So he docs. HEN. To defert one fo kind. i Sold. Ah, 'twas an infamous thing of you, fure enough. HEN. Life is not worth keeping upon fuch terms, and this inftant could I lay it down with pleafure. i Sold. Mark that! HEN. I'll go directly, and i Sold. (Stopping him.'] Not fo fail, if you pleafc : Hey ! why this is not the deferter, that's my friend ; but no matter, one deferter's as good as another. HEN. Do you fufpect me for a deferter ? i Sold. No, we don't fufpect you, we know you for one. HEN. Me! i Sold. Me ! yes, you ! ho^f ftrange yojii make of this matter; why did we not hear you confefs that you expected a kind welcome from the enemy ? I'll tell you what, I am not fond of making people un- eafy, but every word you have uttered will be a bullet in your guts. HEN. What if I favour this, and fo get rid of all my woes at once Oh, Louifa, you have broke my heart ! i Sold. What are you talking to yourfelf about ? Come, come, you are a deferter, and muft go with us. HEN. Shall I or not by heav'n I will I own it, I am a deferter lead me where you pleafe. i Sold. There, he confefies it, and we fhall have the reward. D J a table, and fome old chairs ; FLINT, white be fpeaks puts the &age in order \ HENR.Y walks about difturbed ; and afterwards SKIRMISH, ivbo comes on, as FLIXT %oesoff the ftage. FLI. i HERE's fome water for you to drink; a table and a chair, and yonder's your bed ; but if you go on at the rate you have begun, there will be no great trouble in making it. / am a deferter, / have deferted ; I believe you'll find you had better not have confefs'd quite fo loon : why, what a deril of a fellow you mufl be. But, come, as I faid be- fore, there's ibmc water for you, and if you chufe to have any thing better money, d'ye fee you underftand me right for money and faith if you have any, you have no great reaibn to be fparing of it, for, I believe, your bufinefs will foon be fettled. Do you chufe any wine ? HEN. No, no. FLI. Well, very well, if you won't have wine, you muft drink water. HEN. Falfe, falfe Louifa!---Oh heaven ! FLI. But you feem a little down in the mouth about this bufinefs ; never mind it, 'twill foon be over -, you are to fuffer at five : in the mean time I'll iend a lodger of mine to you, he'll put you in fpirits, by that you have drank a glafs together ; his name is Skirmim , he's a devilifh hearty fellow. (goes off) D2 to THE DESERTER. HEN. That a few hours fhould fink me from the expectation of fo much happinefs to this abyfs of mi- fery ! perfidious woman ! SKIR. Here, my boy, who wants me ? who calls for Skirmifh ? Comrade, did you want me ? HEN. Me! no. SKIR. Why, yes you did. Ho, ho, houfe ! here, houfe ! we'll have a glafs together ; as we never faw one another before, we'll now begin to renew our acquaintance. HEN. Can you tell me if I could get a meet of writing paper ? SKJR. Yes, furely, you mail have that: here, houfe ! houfe, I fay ! where the devil are you all ? But hark'ee, friend ! what a confounded miftake you have made here ! a miftake ! damme, you have made two miftakes 1 I can prove it : in the firft place, to defer t at all was a miftake ; then to confefs it, Oh damn it, that was a miftake indeed! I am but a filly ignorant fellow -, but had I been in your place, had he been my ferjeant, my general, nay, my corporal, I would have faid no, I am no deferter. No, no, my lad, Skirmifh fcorns to defert. AIR XI. Though to have a bout at drinking, When I bear theglff/es chinking, There's nothing but I'd do, or fay, Tet SKIRMISH ne'er fljallrun away. For here is his motto, and fo there's an end: He's none of your flat? rers, w ho fawn and are cfon, But for country \ his bottle, his kin%\ and bis friend, Little SKIRMISH would go half -way to the devil. Soldiers often fickle prove, Who cc.'i know his mind for ever ? We forgiveyou falfe in love. But Deieners, never, THE DESERTER. 21 SCENE II. HENRY, LOUISA, SKIRMISH, whs goes cff^ returns, and goes off again during the Scene, and FLINT, with wine, 'who goes off immediately after he has fpoke. FLI. There's a young woman without afking for afoldier, (to Skirmijh] I fuppofe it muft be you flic wants. SKIR. Yes, yes, its me I warrant you, let her come in, but give me the wine though (fets the bottle down en feeing her) Ah, ah, a fmart wench, faith ' HEN. Good heavens ! what do I fee ? You here ! I.ou. Me, Henry ! HEN. Is itpoffible! SKIR. Oh, ho, I fmoke this bufinefs ; comrade, I'm off, I'm off ; fhe's your fitter I fuppofe, or your coufm, but that's no bufinefs of mine ; madam, no offence I hope; my name is Skirmim, I underftand what good breeding is ; I'm off-, brother foldier, faith fhe's a fine girl ! I'll go and walk a littlsinthe court- yard-, d'ye mind me,. I'm off mum. HEN. This infult, Louifa, is beyond enduring! Is it not enough ?--- but I will not upbraid you. Lou. Hear me Iput a moment! HEN. Away ! don't I know you falfe ? barba- rous, faithlefs wretch. SKIR. (Coming on) Don't mind me; don't let me difturb you j i only come to fetch the wine, ft. I believe you don't care to drink -, will you take a ' ' no well, your fervant I'm off again. HEN. It is not from your hands, but fror. father's, that I mall expect Lou. 'Tis true, my father ! HEN, 22 THE DESERTER. HEN. That infamous old man ! but go I have no more to fay. Oh, Louifa ! I doat upon you ilill ! is it poffible you Can entirely have forgot me ? Lou. Believe me, Henry ! HEN. But with whataffurance; whatcompofure ! Lou. J fhould not be compos'd if I was really td blame. HEN. O thou perfidious woman -' Lou. Enjoy your error. HEN. My error ? Lou. With one word I could convince you. HEN. With one word ! fpeak it then, if you dare. Lou. I am not married then. HEN. Not married ! Lou. 'Twas entirely my father's doings; his fcheme to HEN. O cruel ! 'Tis to no purpofe whether 'twas' you or him. Lou. TheDuchefs HEN. Don't name t her ; you dare not (hew your- felf to her. Lou. 'Twas her who ordered the whole affair. HEN. How! Lou. What I tell you is true ; fome reports td your difadvantage having reach'd her, which I then knew, and we have fince found to be falle, Ihe or- dered this mock-wedding, for fuch only it was to prove your affections, fo that every thing you faw and heard was contrived on purpofe to deceive you, and the whole affair was but a joke. HEN. (Sitting down in the chair, refts bis hand vn tie table) Was but a joke ! Iliv/i^fft yiilsb , vino sen ^s'lo^-' - Ti3Jrl nV-oi gnixfoamol avisrf aw A Jhset of -paper under bis &rm t and witb the other drags in SIMKIN. SKIR. Come along what the devil are you afraid of? Here's a young man wants to fee this foldier, and the girl that was here : where are they ? [To Flint. FLI. She's gone away. SKIR. But where s her FLI. He was fent for out to fomc friends j he'll be here again. SIM" If you pleafe, Sir, I'll follow the gentleman. SKIR. You and I mull take a glafs together. So this foldier is ycur coufm, is he ? SIM. Yes, Sir. SKIR. Sit yourfelf down then ; and he was fent here yefterday ? SIM. Yes, Sir. SKIR. Well then, fit down I tell you. SIM. But, Sir. SKIR. Sit down, I fay : fit down there -, hell and fury, will you fit down when I bid you ?' there ! now we'll take a glafs together ; he'll foon be here } come fill. SIM. Sir, I thank you, but I am not dry 5 befides I don't care much for drinking, without knowing my company. SKIR. Without knowing your company ! why, you little ftarv'd fniveling- an*t you in company with a gentleman ? but drink this minute, or I'll SIM. I will, Sir, if you won't be angry. SKJR, Not I , I won't be angry , fo you fay that SIM. I, Sir ; I did not fay any thing. 2 SKIR. THE DESERTER. 48 SKIR. Well then, if you did not fay any thing, fmg : fing me a fong. SJM. I am not in fpirits for fmging. SKIR. Spirits ! why, a fong will raife your fpirits ; come, fingr^way. SIM. But, Sir, I can't fmg. SKIR. Ever while you live, fmg. SIM. Indeed, Sir, I can't : SKIR. You can't why, then I will. SIM. Well, but Sir. SKIR. Sit ftill I tell you ? SIM. But 1 wifhyu, coufin SKIR He can't be long now ; hear my fong. AIR XIV. Women and wine compare fo well, They run in a perfeff parallel ; For women bewitch us when they witt % Andfo does wine - f They make theftatefman lofe hisjkill, Vhefcldier, lawyer, and divine: They putftrange whims in the ' graveft Jkull^ And fend their wits to gather wool - t Thenjince the world thus runs away ; And women and wine, Are alike divine ; let's love 011 night, and drink all day ! . vra edU There'* THE DESERTER. 29 There's fomething like a fong for you ! now we'll ling together. SIM. Together ? SKIR. Ay, both together. SIM. But, Sir, I don't know your fong. SKIR. Why, who the devil wants you to fmg my Cong. SIM. I never faw fuch a man in my life : how mall I get away from him. Sir ? SKIR. Well ; what d'ye fay ? SIM. I believe there's fomebody looking for you yonder. SKIR. Is there ? (While Skirmijh looks round Simkin takes an oppor- tunity of running off. ) SKIR. O, you young dog ! I'll be after you j but ftay, here comes {he poor unfortunate young man, his coufin. 3 C . E N E V. HINRY, SKIRMISH. SKIR. How are your fpirits ? take a fup of this: ph ! here's your writing paper. HEN. Thank you, friend ; oh, my heart ! I wiih I could have fecn Louifa once more. (Sits down to write) SKIR. Ah, you're a happy man, you can write ! (Loud] Oh, my curfed flars, what a wretched fellow lam! HEN. Why i what's the matter ? (Looking round. SKIR. jo THE DESERTER. S&IB.. The matter ? Confufion ! I blufh to fay- it ; but fince it mult out, what will you fay to fuch a poor, mifcrable and but this one misfortune, fie to be a General : if I had known ho\r to write, I might have had a regiment live years ago ; but com- pany is the ruin of us all; drinking with>one,- and drinking with another ; why, none- here ; I was in hopes &r I coniUtute, will, and appoint, him my heir," * THE WEEDING RING-. All thefe pofTeflions has old Zerbino left hiV fon, who I intend fhall marry my daughter. Let me fee now what the whole will amount to fifty thoufmd piaftres a tnoufand a year watches rings aigrettes foiitaires *no lefs, I warrant, than to the value of Lif. Sir,- here's your chocolate, and: Sig. Zerbino' has lent-- Pan. He has been a near miserable fellow. Lif. Sig. Zerbino, Sir ? Pan. A very fad feiiow. Lif. Well, this is the firfl word upon that fub- ject I ever heard out of your mouth. Pan. But, however, that's nothing to the pre- fent bufmefs, his fon may make a good hulband notwithftanding. Lif. Oh, I begin to conceive you. Sir, will you hear me ? Pan. It fhall be concluded directly. (Takes a pinch of fnuff.) Lif. (Removing the fnuff-box^ and putting the cho- colate in the -place of it) I'll try jo make you feel, if I can't make you hear. Pan. I don't think Hie could poflibly have don e better. (Going to take another pinch offnuff, he dips his finger and thumb into the chocolate.) "What the devil's that ? Lif. OnJyjgi little innocent method I took to make you underftand I was here, Sir. Pan. You impudent jade, how dare you fervc pfte fuch a trick ? L,f. THE WEDDING RING. .3 Lif. Why, Sir, I have been bawling this half hour to you, but you was fo wrapt up in your ideeds and fettlements, and fluff, that I might have flood here till to-morrow morning, if I had not taken the way I did. Pan. So you have been overhearing what I read. Lif. Indeed, Sir, 'tis no fccret ; we all know well enough that you want to marry my young lady to a fpark with more money than underflanding, and I fuppofe you was contriving now to load her with riches, in return for the happinefs you intend to deprive her of. Pan. Did ever any body hear fuch infolence ? Lif. Lord, Sir, what infolence; 'tis no more than what every body fays, and 'tis a great mame, efpecially when there are fo many reaibns to prer vent it. Pan. What's that ? Do you know any thing that will prevent it ? Lif. O yes to be fure ; you go the way to make ,me tell you any thing. Pan. Go, you fool ! what could you tejl me .? Lif. Why I would not tell you any thing if it was ever fo much in my power ; but I'll tell you what, I'll keep every thing from you that I can. Pan. I wonder what pofiefies me that I bear all this. Hear me, Mrs. Imprudence, fend your mif- trefs to me, and let me have no more of this be- haviour, if you expec~t to ftay in my family. Lif. Very well, Sir, you may do as yon pleale ; you are not content I find with preventing my young lady's happinefs, but you want to rob her of the only friend me has in the world. JPqn. Why dpn't you do what I order you ? B 2 lif. 3 THE WEDDING RING, Lif. I am going, Sir. Pan. And yet now if you knew any thing that Lif. Don't afk me, for I won't tell you a wor4 about it. I'm not fuch a fool, when I'm fnub'd at this rate, Of matters, with which I'm entrufted, to prate ; The fecrets I'm told, Are as fafe as old gold ; And however fome folks it may teaze. My mind is my own, And I mall as I pleafe ; Though you threat me, And beat me, And like a flave, treat me, Conceal it, or let it alone. Td be fure, 'tis no bus'nefs of mine j But put any one elfe in my ftead ; Let them ferve a good humour'd young lady With gifts and promifes ready ; Who begs of her lover No werd may be faid ; And then, let her father Come threat'ning, which rather Would fright one, than make one difcover ; J fay, in this cafe, Let who will, take my place, And fee te which fide they'd incline* : THE WEDDING RING, Q SCENE II. P/ NDOLFO, FELICIA, LISSETTA. P ft. I would fain perfuade myfelf, that all the ch ad ing of this wench, is no more than the com- n*v>n cant of creatures in her fituation; and yet Felicia's diiingenuous behaviour has half convinc'd me, that there's a lover in the cafe. When fhe comes I mall be better able to judge, and in the mean time I'll go and fend an invitation to Zer-f bino. FELICIA. I faw, what feem'd a harmlefs child, With wings, and bow, And afpeft mild ; Who fob'd, and figh'd, and pin'd, And beg'd I would fome boon bellow, On a poor little boy, Hone blind. Not aware of the danger, too foon I comply'd, For exulting he cry'd, And drew from his quiver a dart; My pow'r you ihall know, Then levell'd his bow, And wounded me right in the heart. I underflood, Sir, you defired to lee me, but I find you are bufy. Pan. Only labouring for thee, Felicia. I am contriving the fecureft method of adding the vaft pofTeflions of Sig. Zerbino to the eftate of our family. Pel- , THE WEDDING RING. ' Fel. But why fhould you do that, Sir ? have noj we fortune fufficient already ? Pan. To be fure fifteen thoufand crowns a year, well paid, is no contemptible thing ; but, as I told you, I am defiring this for you. Fel. I can't fee how I ani concern'd in it, Sir. Pan. Why thus : Zerbino's father was my par- ticular friend ; and 1 can't bear to think that all have been fo felicitous. Zer. How felicitous ? why, I hardly faid any thing at all. Lif. No ! did not you implore me to foften the rigour of your fuflerings, and with eyes all full of tendernefs, beg me to have pity on you. Zer. If 'I did, I don't remember it. Ltf. Ah, this is always the cafe, the moment a man knows his power he abufes it , however, Sir, I think, fince I have been fo condefcending, you ought, at leaft, to fay fomething handfome to me now on the fubjeft. Zer. Why for that matter, I've a vaft deal to fay to you, but I dont know how it is, I've fuch a prodigious pleafure in your company, that when- ever I go to fpeak I can't get out a word for the Jife of me. Lif. There never was fo pretty a thing faid irt this world , entirely owing, I fuppoie, to your re- Jpe<5t for me, Zer. Oh, yes, all owing to my refpect for you. Lif. Well, it is impoffible for any thing to be more gallant. Zer. I like her a great deal better than I thought I fliould. Lif, But as you are fuch a paflionate and tender lover THE WEDDING RING. 15 lover, I dare fay you have not neglected a moft material thing in gallantry. Zer. Lord, what's that ? Lif. To write fome verfes on me. Zer. Why, I could not myfelf, but I gave a famous poet a hundred piaftres to do it for me, becaufe I'd have 'em done in the beft manner; I have got 'em fet to mufic too, and I'd fmg 'em in a great ftiie if you would not be affronted. Lif. Oh, I'm enchanted, pray let me hear 'em. Now for fomething fine and ridiculous. Z E R B I N O. The Grand Turk -with his. wives, and his mufties, and mutes, In his fhining alcoves, in his grottos, and- (hades, May cafoufe" to the cymbals, or dance to the flutes, Or fleep to the muiic of falling cafcades ; Or mew up his concubines in his Seraglio, Or, deck'd with a pompous regalia ; While to every fubject his word is a law, May direct the divan, And keep all to a man, From Vizier to flave> of the bow-firing in awe But I ev'n high'r, Than this, would afpire. And of harlh founding cymbals, and delicate flutes, Which pleafe the Grand Turk, and his mufties, and And grottos, and bow'rs, and cafcades, and alcoves, With baths and perfumes^ amber, caffia and cloves, Aad much more, having you, I've my choice; All that's pleaftng to me, In your perfon I fee j All that's mufical, hear in your voice ; And compar'd to your love, or your good opinion, What's pow'r, or title, or wealth, or dominion. i$ Tl! WEDDING RING. Lif. Sir, you give me very great proofs of your affection indeed, and if it was not for a certain de- licacy and decorum which you muft have remarked in me, and which I always fo ftrictly preferve, I don't know but I mould confent to bfc married to- morrow morning. Zer. Oh let us be married to-morrow morning by all means ; fee here I have brought The WED- DING RING on purpoie, pray let me put it on your finger. Lif. Really, Sir, you have fuch infinuating ways there's no refufmg you any thing j but, Sig. Zer- bino* the grand point iSj how are we to live after we are married ? Zer. Ohi we fhan't difagree about that,- I war- rant you, I mall be be the moil loving creature in the world. Lif. Then I'm afraid we mail difagree , I mall expect a great deal of indulgence. Zer. Lord, you mail do whatever you pleafc. Lif. Yes, yes, I muft make a point of that, for my father's feverity has hitherto kept rrie in the faddeft fubjection in the world ; he gives me fo little liberty that it make's me half mad, and I have a hundred times wilh'd that he would marry m& to any body that I might be 7 out of this conftraint j thank heaven you come vcfy happily for that end, and I mail henceforward prepare to take diverfions, and make up for the time I hare loft ; I don't in- tend to be unreafonable,; I believe what with pub- lic amufemcnts, gaming, viiits, company, treats, walks, THE WEDDING RING- 17 tyalks, balls, and a cifcefbeo, I {hall be prettjf well fatisfied. I will have my humour, I'll pie afe all my fenfes, I'll neither be Hinted In love, nor expences ; I'll drefs with profufion, I'll gar-.e without meafure, You mail have the bus'nefs, and I'll have the pleafure* By every incentive I'll roufe inclination, More changing, capricious, and v?.in, than the famion J In fhort, I'll take care by the bent of my carriage, To fliew you the fweets and the comforts of marriage^ SCENE; i8 THE WEDDING RING. SCENE VI. ZERBINO, PANDALFO, afterwards LISSETTA dnd FELICIA. Pan. Well, Zerbino, have you feen her ? Zer. Y: s, I have feen her. Pc-n. And what fort of a reception has fhe given yen ? ' Zer. Oh, I never was fo happy in my life ! if flie could eat gold Ihe (hould have it ; you told me fhe'cl put' on her melancholy airs, and I mould be frown'd at, and truly it made me a little afraid at firft. But I never law any thing fo coming, and fo good-natur'd in all my life. Pan. Why, did not Hie refufe you ? Zer. Refufe me ! why, blefs your heart, flic's quite in love with me ? Pan. 'Tis impoiTible ! Zer. Iinpcmble ! what, do you think it impof- fible for any body to be in love with me ? Pan, Oh, no, I don't mean that. Z?r. E'cod, if you did, I believe you'd find yourfelf very much miilaken. Pan. Well, well, but explain this matter. Zer. Why, I can't explain it any more than I have , you defir'd me to come and make love to your daughter, by that time I had been here five minutes, fhc was as fond of me as any thing can be ; before we parted I gave her fbt WEDDING RING, THE WEDDING RING. 19 RING, and we are to be married to-morrow morning. Oh how my heart is leaping, and flipping, And bounding, as if from its feat 'twould come out My head is grown giddy, my heels are a tripping, And all my five fenfes are put to the rout. fan. I hope {he's fmcere. I'll call her again : Felicia! Felicia! (Goes tf.) >/ Good Sir, 'tis in vain, (Coming en \ You'll not make her hear. Zer. The old man, I fee, Is as anxious as me. Li/. Who call'd me Zerbino, waft thee ? Zer. No, Ma'am, 'twas your father. Li/. I rather Had hopes it was you. Pan. Felicia ! Zfr. . He's calling you now, L'f- Then adieu. Zer. And why fo ? &/ But a whim, I'm aiham'd to confefs my affeftion to him j But you, on my truth may for ever rely. Zer. Was ever a lover fo happy as I ! Enough, love, enough. Li/ Here he comes, I'll fteal off. (Coes~og r .) Pun. 20 THE WEDDING RING. Pan. Where, where, can fhe be ? (Comes tn.J Zer. He, he, he, he, he, She was here, Sir, this minute. fan. The deuce muft be in it ! Zer, *Tis true, and flie told me, 'Twas joy to behold me ; In fhort, fhe grows kinder and kinder. fan. I muft and will find her. Felicia. (Goes of.) /^ Zerbino, you'd better be gone ; (Comes on.) You'll fpeak to the priefl, let me fee you anon : Mean time to my father don't mention a word Where I am. Zer. I'm not quite fo abfurd ; "Pis enough you command me ! Lif. Adieu, then. Zer. Adieu. Think kindly of me, I'll think kindly of you. (LlSSETTA goes of.) Zer. I've feen her again, Sir. Pan. I've fearch'd the houfe round And can't fee her, Zer, 'Tis true, Nor you won't ; but I've no time to wafte : I'm going on bufmefs requires fome hafte. fan. But you'll come back again ! Zer. Back again to be fure. Pan, Mean time I'll attend you, dear fon, to the door. (Go eff'.J THE WEDDING RING. & Fel. Hold up, my poor heart,(FELiciA aWLissETTA come on) What a difficult part, LifTetta, you've giv'n me to play. Lif. Here, here, take the Ring, And feena every thing Your father can wifli, that's the way-, I'll infure you fuccefs, And Hymen (hall blefs fe/. Hufh, huft, girl, he's here, Pan. Felicia, my dear, (Comes OH.) WJiere was you ? Fff* Dear Sir, in my room. fan. And have you been kind To your lover P fel You'll find That my loyer will Scarcely complain of his doom. Pan. You've confefs'd an affedtion, fel. To his care and protection, Myfelf I would gladly refign. Pan. I'm put of my wits ! Lif. How well the plot hits ! Pan. Was 'ere fo complying a daughter as mine ? Fel. Was 'ere fituation fo cruel as mine ? Fel. Was ever man gull'd like this mafter of mine END OF THE FIRST " } ine? ACT II. SCENE I. The Scene continues. PANDALFO, HENRICO, afterwards FELICIA and LISSETTA. Pan. Sir, I won't hear a fingle word more. Hen. What are your objections ? Pan. Sir, I fhall keep my objections to myfelf, and you mufl and fhall be fatisrled with my refu- fing you without telling you why. Hen. Was ever any thins: fo unreafonable. But, Sir, if it mould fo happen, that the lady is not averfe to my propofal, would you ftill perfifl in refilling me ? Pan. I believe, if you flay till you get her con- fent, your patience will be pretty well exercis'd. Hen. Will you promile me your's, Sir, upon condition that 1 am fo fortunate to fucceed with her? Pan. Ay, ay, with all my heart ; I believe I may very iecurely make that promile. Hen. Sir, I am the happieft man in the world ! Pas. What then you really have the modefty to imagine it practicable ? Hen. Why, yes, Sir, I confefs I have. Pan. Then, know to your confufion, that fhc has given her content to another, and that me wears on her finger, at this minute, a WEDDING RING, in token of her having promifed to marry him. Hen. Well, Sir, fmce it is fo, will you, as the lift THE WEDDING RING. 13 Inft requeft I have to make you, allow me to hear a confirmation of this from your daughter ? Pan. What, then you don't believe me ? Hen. I don't abfolutely fay that , but it would be a fatisfactlon to me, I confcis, to hear it from the young lady herfeif. Pun. Oh, Sir, you mall have that fatisfaction in a minute, for here fhe conies. Felicia, here's a ftrange importunate fort of a gent. em an, who has the audacity to expect my confent to his mar- riage with you -, I told him of the promife you made me, and nothing, forfooth, will fatisfy him but hearing it from your mouth. Hen. Indeed, Madam, what I heard from your father might well furprife me, I was in doubt, I own ; and that final fentence, which determines the fate of my unbounded paflion, muft be fo fen- fibly frit by me, that it can be no offence if I defire a repetition of it. Fel. Sir, I'd have it known, that fate has pre- fented two objects to my view, which infpiring me with different fentiments, agitate all the paffions of my foul, one, by a reafonablc choice whereto honour engages me Pan. And your father's confent. Fel. Poffeffes all my efteem and love* Pan. That's my choice. Fel. And the other, in return for his affection, has all my anger and averfion. Pan. That's you. Fel. To fee myfelf the wife of one is all my defire. Pan, That's my good girl. Fd. And I'd rather lofe my life than be married to the other. Pan. 24 THE WEDDING RING. . Pray, Sir, are you contented ? Fel. Sir, he muft be contented, and if he has the love for me, he pretends, he ought not to re- pine at his fate. Hen. Ma'am, fo far from repining, I admire your fmcerity, and mall endeavour to behave in this affair as I ought. Fel. I know, 'tis highly improper for young women to own their love fo freely -, but in the con- dition fate has plac'd me, thefe liberties may be allow'd, and I can without a blufli confefs, that I have declared my real fentiments. Hen. Very well, Ma'am, your meaning's plairi enough* I underftand what 'tis you urge me too, and lhall remove from your fight him who gives you this great difturbance. Fel You can't oblige me more agreeably* Hen. The poor exile, who } leaving his friends and his home* Leaves more than his life, more than fortune, or fame ; Is doom'd, without hope, thus unpity'd to roam, His fufPrings unmourn'd, and forgotten his name. But juftice condemn'd him, his fentence is paft, His fate is pronounc'd, and he muft be refign'd j "With fortune he ftrnggles indeed but at laft, To her rigid will, learns to faihion his mind. gCENS THE WEDDING RING. 25 SCENE II. PANDOLFO, FELICIA, and LISSETTA," ^ Pan. Poor young man a very great proof of his affection indeed rather than make you un- happy, he bears his own torments without feeming to iuffer any, truly I pity him. Pel. Indeed, Sir, it's more than I do. Pan. Nay, but that's too cruel. pel. Sir, I afTure you, if you knew, what my fentiments are of him, you would not think him fuch an object of pity. Pan. Nay, but confider, he had an affection for you. Lif. Very true, Sir, in my opinion, flie ought to follow your advice, and not treat him with fo much ill-nature. Pan. We don't want you, Ma'am, to give your opinion about it. Lif. Lord, Sir, yon won't be pleafed let one talk how one will -, did not you fay, my young lady treated him too cruelly ? and would not any- body in the world fay the fame ? is there any com- parifon now between him and Signer Zerbino ? Oh, Ma'am, your father is perfectly in the right ; fhew more compaflion to Henrico by all means. Pan. And who the devil gave you the liberty of advifing my daughter. Lif. Sure, Sir, there's no harm in fpeaking one's mind , I have faid no more than what I actually think of the matter, and you can't do better than firft of all to marry your daughter to HenricO, and afterwards, as a reward for my faithful fcrvices, prevail upon Zerbino to marry me. E Pint. 26 THE WEDDING RING. Pan. I never heard fuch a piece of impudence fincc I was born, but I am angry with myfelf for liftening to it. Felicia, I am going to fee that Zerbino makes all the neceflary preparations, and fhall be with you again in half an hour. Lif. If" that's the cafe, Ma'am, I muft run- ready to- break my neck that I may be with him before hand; Pel. Indeed, Lifletta, I dread the confequence of this difingenuous behaviour. Lif. Oh, Ma'am, If jou don't exert a little fpi- rit we are undone : I have taken care to apprife Hcnrico of all that's going forward; and poor Zerbino if he does not repent his gallantry I have fuch a battery to play off againft him ; nay,, I'll make both him and your father principal actors in this plot of ours, even without their knowledge, FiL I have no doubt of either your talents or good wifries for me, Lifietta, but take care yoi* don't provoke my father. Lif. Never fear, Ma'am, I have conducted you- fo far on your voyage with fafety, and I warrant you I am pilot good enough to bring you fafe to land. Pel. Heaven fend it. Lif. Befides, who -would not run a little rifle for fo handfome a man as Sig. Henrico ? pet. Indeed, Lifletta, he defcrves every thing. When firft the youth his fears forfook, And that he Ipv'd I fondly heard, What fweetnefs, was in ev'ry look ! . What eloquence, in ev'ry word ! From her whole ftore, to make me blc&'d* Did fortune bid me choofe r How gladly would I all the reft For love, and him, rcfufe SCENE THE WEDDING RING, 27 SCENE III. An Apartment in Zerbino's Houfe. ZIRBINO, HENRICO, afterwards LISSETTA. Hen. Is your name, Zerbkio, Sir ? Zer 9 Yes, Sir, that's my name. Hen. Then you are the man I was looking for* Zer. Pray, Sir, that's your buf'nefs ? Hen. Oh, Sir, I mall tell you my buf'nefs in as rbrief a manner as poflible > it feems you have made propofals of marriage to Felicia, Sig. Pandolfo's ^daughter. Zer. No, I did not, 'twas her fuiher made pro- pofals to me. Hen. Well, tha;t no matter, propofals were made, and pray, Sir, what do you exped as a portion -with her? Zer. Oh, I am to take her without a portion. Hen. Indeed you are not. Zer. No ? Hen. No ? I am to pay you her portion. Zer. Are you, and pray what portion are you to pay me ? Hen. I am afraid you won't like it. Zer. Not like it, why fo what is it tp be j Hen. Blows wounds and death. Zer. A very pretty portion indeed ; I had rather 'be without it, I thank you. Hen. Nay, Sir, don't hefitate, you fee I am pre- par'd to pay you and take the portion, or I'll break off the match. Zer. You break off the match ! for what ? E 2 Hen. 28 THE WEDDING RING.. Ken. For what ? Zer. Ay, tell me that ? Hen. Becaufe I am in love with the lady myfclf becaufe me returns my paffion becaufe bc- caufe her father has conferred to our marriage Zer. Her father has coniented to your marriage. Hen. He has, and if you dare even to think of her I'll tear you to atoms. Zer. And all this is moft certainly true. Hen. Death and fire ! have you any doubt of it ? Zer. Why, I can't lay but your arguments are very convincing, and yet now if. you would but talk a little cool about this affair Hen. Cool ! can a man, jealous of his honour, and affronted like me talk cool ? Sir ! Zer. Sir! Hen. I have but one fhort word to fay to you ; renounce all claim to the lady, this inftant, or tremble at the confequence. Zer. Indeed, Sir, you are very haity ; only let me get over my fright a little , I never faw you in aH my life before, and how do I know but all this may be- Hen. A lie ! I fuppofe. Zer. Oh, no, indeed I did not fay a lie. Hen. But you mean't it, and I'll not be trifled with, therefore, if you value your fafety, do as I command you. Zsr^ Oh, I'll do any thing in the world if you will only give me a little breath, and change that terrible countenance ; Oh, as furc as I am alive here comes Felicia herfelf. 'Hen. Ah, fond girl, do you follow him to his houfe ? by Heav'n ! I fufpeded this, but I will be revenged ! Vf THE WEDDING RING. a p J.jf. Protect me, Zerbino. Zer. Oh, I am as much frigten'd at him as you can be, Hen. You've neither of you caufe to fear ; for you Madam, your infidelity be your punifhment ; and for you, Sir, you are going to punifh yourfelf ; but as I have ftill fome regard left for Sig. Pandol- fo, I'll take care he ftiall not be made a dupe of, therefore I infift upon your giving this lady your hand, before me, and promifmg to marry her. Zer. That I will, with all my heart, and fliall be glad to be friends with you fo eafily. Lif. And as for me, I own, the height of my ambition is to become the wife of Sig. Zerbino. Hen. I am fatisfied, SCENE IV. ZERBINO, LISSETTA. Zer. E'cod he frighten'd me devilifhly at firft, but he has behaved very well upon the whole, has not he ? Lif. I do allure you, Zerbino, I am very much in doubt about that : he is a very infmuating man, and had, before I came out, perfuaded my father into fuch a plot, that I am afraid we mall find a gre/t many difficulties to get over yet. Zer. Why you furprife me ! Lif. You muft know that this cavalier is very well born, and fays my father to me, foon after you went away you'll pardon me for repeating his words Zerbino has a great deal of money to be lure, but then it was all got by rapine and ufury ; and to fay truth, he is little better than iprung from a dunghill : now I have been con- fidering this, and am come to an abiblute refolu- tion not to let you marry him. Zer. Your father fay this ! Lif. 3 o THE WEDDING RING. Lif. Thefe very words I was thunder ftruck at them, as you may well guefs ; and for heaven's fake, dear Sir, faid I, with tears in my eyes, why would you let me fee and converfc with him ? why- would you let me liften to his infmuating addrefles, which have won my affections, and made it im- poflible for me to obey yoy ? Zer. Dear, kind creature! well, what did he fay to that ? Lif. Oh, he continued unmov'd; fays he in a. more rcfolute tone than ever I heard him fpeak to me in my life you muft conquer your affections -, I have heard of a gentleman well born, and nearly- related to the Doge of Venice, and am fo afhamed that I never thought of tkis man for my fon-in-law, that 1 fhan't be content with merely marrying you to my friend Henrico, but you muft ,conient to punifh Zerbino for having prefum'd to think of you. Zer. To punifh mel ai>d pray how docs he mean to do that ? Lif. I am almoft afham'd to tell you. Zer. Oh, I beg of you to tell me. Lif. Why he intends to .trap you into marriage with my maid. Zer. W^ith your maid t Lif. With my maid; he is to pafs her upon you for me when you come to our houfe-, and as a proof of what I tell you, he forc'd from me that Ring you were fo gallant ro prefent me with, and gave it to her the better to carry on his fcheme. Zer. What a deceitful world this is ! Lif. To be fure me is a relation of ours, and . every body thinks her a very fmart girl but I'll allure the minx to pretend to my lover. Zer. Ay, indeed but fuppofe we were to go and THE WEDDING RING. 3* and be married directly, that you know would put an end to every thing. Lif. It muft not be ; I would not have my father think I am fo afraid of him, therefore come at the time you intended, and I'll warrant every- thing mall go as I'd have it. Zer. Oh, you may depend upon me. Lif. My father is coming to you prefently, and I would advife you to tell him all this, only don't fay how you came to know it. Zer. Yes, yes, I'll tell him. Lif. Good b'ye, Zerbino. Zer. Well, but Felicia. Lif. What do you fay ? Zer. Won't you give me onekifs before you go ? Lif. Lord, how can you afk fuch a thing ? Zer. You muft indeed, (kijjes her.) tf. You impudent man you ! Nay, prithee, how can you ? Indeed, I'll aflure you, Will nothing then cure you ? Nay, now I declare I mall never endure yoa. You teaze one to death, I'm quite out of breath, 3 hate and abhor this horfe-play j Befides, 'tis not right, To fee one this fright, Lord, what do you think folks will fay ? I own too much room, You have had to prefnme, Or you ne'er with thefe freedoms would teaze me 5 For though they might pleafe me, And with patience I bore 'em ; Yet at leaft in one's carriage, On this fide of marriage ! On ought to keep up a decorujn. ~ J32 THE WEDDING RING, , SCENE V. ZERBINO and PANDOLFO. Ztr. How violently me loves me Well done Sig. Pandolro Who would have believed it Here he conies I'll feern melancholy. Pan. Well, Zerb'mo, I could not bear my Im- patience, fo I came that we may conclude this bufinefs as foon as poffible. Zer. Yes, you leem rather in a hurry, indeed. Pan. How happy mail I be when I once fee you married ! Ztr. To your daughter's maid I'm very much oblig'd to you. Pan. What's the matter, Zcrbino ? You look dull. Zer. No, not at all, I was only thinking what a ftrange fort of a world this is. Pan. Why what complaint can you have againft the world ? Has any one done you an ill office ? Zer. How his confciencc flies in his face. Why I can't fay but I have been rather ill treated. Pan. Ay How ? Zer. You mail judge. Do you know one Sig. Henrico ? Pan. Yes, I knaw him very well. Has he treated you ill ? Zer. He's well born I believe. Pan. Yes, yes, he's well born j he is related to the Doge of Venice. Zer. The very words Felicia told me ; and he has made propo'fals to marry your daughter, feas not he ? Pan. TH WEDDING RING. jj Pan. I thought that was coming. Why how came you to know it ? Zer. Oh, a friend informed me ; and I'll tell you what I have been thinking of Signior Pandolfo, that for ail I have a great deal of money, fmce it was got by rapine and ufury, and fmce I am little better than fprung from a dunghill, I ought not to afpire to the honour of being your fon-in-law. Pan. You aftonifh me very much by this dif- courfe. Zer. I am fure I don't know why you mould be aftonilhed about it; Pan. What does it tend to ? Zer. You don't know I fuppcfe. Pan. How mould I liniefs you tell me ? Zer. Why then I'll difguife it no longer 'Tis you have ufed me ill ; the fame friend that told me Sig. Henrico wanted to m..rry Felicia, told me you had contented to it, and "that you was determined to punifh me for prefuming to think of her, and a great deal more. Pan. Was there ever fuch a ftrange parcel of fluff heard of ? Zer. Well, let it be ever fo ftrange, you don't contradict it I find. Pan. Zerbino, I Ihould not bear fuch an Impu- tation fo eafily if I was certain you had been im- pofed upon ; I fuppofe this is fome contrivance of my daughter and her maid. Zer. The maid indeed may have fome hand it, but I am fure it's no contrivance of your daughter's. Pan. Well, let the contrivance be whofe it will, I'm determin'd to have it explain'd^ Zer. I'll tell you how it may be very eafily ex- plain'd. F Pan. 34. THE WEDDING RING. Pan. How ? Zf /-. Why let us all come face to face. Pan. With aii my heart, I don't care howfopnj and Vhen we do, I'm lure you will iind theie wo- men at the bottom of it. Of woman to tell you my mind, And I fpeak from the experience I've had, Not two out of fifty you'll find, Be they daughters of wives, But are plr;uos of our lives, And enough to make any mart mad. The wrong and the right, Being f'-t in their fight, They're fure to take hold of the wrong ; They'll cajole and they'll whimper, They'll whine, and they'll fnivel, They'll coax, and they'll fimper In ihort, they're the devil ; And fo there's an end of my fong. SCENE VI. Z E R B I N O. 1 never faw fuch a ttirn in my life Ah, Sig. Pandolfo, you did not know what you was fetting your wit to how foon I found him out and how nettled he was as if I would not believe Fe- licia fooner than him I don't wonder now at this tine bluftcring fpark's coming fo foon to himfelf, whtn he knew he was fo fecurc of the father and this after all is the regard he pays to the memory 9f his oid. friend > in the morning he was dining that THE WEDDING RING. 35 that in my ears, and how much he fhould be obliged to me-, and when the notary was reading over all the lift of my eftates, tenements, valleys, houfes, barns, mortgages and (locks, I could have betted 'em all to a fingle piaftre, that if the Doge of Venice himielf had offered to have been his fon-in-law, he would have refuf'd him for me -, and now to ufe me in this manner. I am very much deceiv'd if he does not repent it what the deuce does he want to make of me Can fuch ufage be borne ? Indeed I'll be fworn, He fancies to make me a tpol-y A .lacquey, an afs, But I'll not let it pafs, No, no, I'm not quite fuch a fool. 'Tis all in my head, and no longer I'll ftay, But go and fee how the nail drives ; If I find he defires to be friends, And ftrives For this ccnduft to make fome amends, Not a fyllable have I to fay : But if he thinks To palm on me this minx, Whofe ftory's, I warrant, well taught her Lord, how I will ufe him ! I'll fcold him, revile him, reproach and abufe him, And then run away with his daughter. F 2 SCENE 3 6 THE WEDDING RING. SCENE THE LAS T. A Ic.rge fckcn m Panddfo's houfe, with folding doer; on each fide, 'which beihg thrown open, difccver two different views of Venice. HENRICO, FELICIA, LISSETTA, afterwards PAN- DOLFO, after him ZERBINO, and then HENRICO again, wbf comes forward, >-ifier having concealed birnfdf. Pel Oh* Henrico, what have you perfuaded me too ? I tremble to think how my father will be infenc'd when he finds we have impos'd upon him. Hen. I can't fee that we have any great danger to apprehend , he voluntarily gave me his promife to day, that I fhou'd marry you if you did not object to it. Lif. So he did, J overheard him-, and if I had not, Fd fay I had, if there was a neceffity for it. Hen. Beiides, when he fees this Zerbino make himfelf fo ridiculous Lif. Which, thanks to my ingenuity, he will very fhortly. Hen. I then have no doubt but every thing will go in our favour. Pel, The very thing you build upon I am afraid of. Hen, Well,_ but my dear Felicia, you have gone on thus far chearfully, and now you drop. Pel. Confider what I hazard, I may lofe my father's affeftion, that's all I fear, and you fhould not blame nr.e ; for if I am not capable of dif- charging WED DING RING. 11 37 charging my duty rs a daughter, what fecurity can you have for my making you a good wife ? Lif. That's all very true Ma'am, but its nothing to the bus'nefs in hand, we muft to our pofls ; for my part I know well enough what I have to do ; you, Sig. Henrico, muft get into your old hiding place -, and do you Ma'am look as prim, and as demure, as if you knew nothing of what's going forward. He/t, The merchants that with weary toiling, Are India of its treafure fpoiling, Well might indeed their traffic prize ; If rubies, pearls, and faphires they could'find, Like your dear lips, your teeth, your ey$s, Or orient gold as precious as your mind. Pel. A thoufand cruel doubts diftrefs me, On every fide they thronging prefs me, I fear, J know not why ; And though, Henrico, thou art near, I tremble, droop, and figh. ffe)z Ah, ceafe ! ah, ceafe ! by heav'n I vow, 'Till life bepaft, My leve (hall laft, As pure as now. Tl. Then wherefore this pain, Why mould I complain ? Beth. Love befriending, Joy attending, On all our hppes mall fmile ; In thee my love delighting, Requited, and requiting, Each night, and day, That rowls away, With pleafure we'll beguile. Pan 33 THE WEDDING RING. Pan. Felicin, what can be the meaning of a ftrange ftory I have heard from Zcrbino ? Pel. Nay, Sir, how mould I know ? Pan. I am convinc'd he could not mean to im- poie upon me, and yet, upon reflection, I hardly think you could have been guilty of fo much du- plicity at the very time I had every reafon in the world to believe you was perfectly obedient to my will. Fel. Let me underftand you, Sir. Pan. It does not fignify repeating the matter, he'll be here in a few minutes himtelf, and then Oh, here he comes Zerbino, I am glad to fee you , let us now clear up this affair ; you fay you was informed that I intended to refufe you my daughter, and give her to Sig. Henrico. Zer. I was. Pel. Will you be content if I give her to you now, and call in friends to witnels it ? Zer. I don't defirc any better. Pal. Then take her hand, and I hope you'll both be happy. Zer. Sig. Pandolfo, I did not think you was ca- pable of ufing me fo ill. Pun. Why, is the man mad ? Zer. No, Sir, I am not mad, nor fuch a fool as you think me ; I find it's all true, and perhaps you may repent it. Pan. Repent, what ? Zer. Why offering me your daughter's maid. Do you think I can't fee (he's dizen'd out that way on purpofe ? Pan. Why Fool Iclcot Lif. Oh you have found it out, -have you ! Pan. What would you have ? Zer. Why I would have you keep your promife of marrying me to your" daughter ; here fhe ftands by THE WEDDING RING. 39 by me, frightened out of her wits, and poor foul! I don't wonder it. Pan. My daughter ! that's her maid. Zer. I knew well enough you would fay fo , but your daughter, or not your daughter, I'll marry her, and no body elie. Pan. Why I tell you you are impofed upon. Zer. If I am, 'tis by no body but you, and you are only mad that your fcheine did not take. Pan. Was ever man thus abus'd \ I could find in my heart to let him continue in his ignorance, to punifh him. Lif. Don't fpoil a poor girl's fortune, Sir , you ice he does not dtferve your daughter, bellow her then oh Henrico. Pan. I thank you for the hint -, I made him a kind of promife this afternoon, and I declare if he was here I'd give him her hand this moment. Hen. Sir, I take you at your word, and hope you'll never have caufe to repent your promife. Pel. And can you, Sir, forgive my having de- ceiv'd you ? Pan. Felicia, you have not deceived me more than I Ii-.:.vr ieceiv'd myfclf; I therefore not only forgive you, but confels I was rightly ierv'd for oppofmg your inclinations. L : f. And now I drop my difguife. I aftum'd the character of my young lady to prevent you, Sig. Zerbino, from interrupting her happineis, it has anfwer'd my end and I am fufficiently re- warded. Hen. Come, come, Lifletta, you are two dif- fident, this gentleman made a promife to marry you before me. Zer. I rrude A promife to marry her before you ? 40 THE WEDDING RING. Hen. Sir, you know you did. Zer. Well then, if I did, I'll tell you what-- I'll keep it- me has wit enough in all confciencej and fhe ought to be made a crentlewoman of ; and as for money, I have enough for us both* fo let's have no more rmfunderftandings, but for the fu- ture be all friends - what d'ye fay ? Parii I accept your propofal with pleafure ; fmce things have turn'd out in this manner, and Lifletta^ is in fome fort a relation of mine, my fricndmip and countenance you may command upon all occafions : for my part I am perfectly convinc'd, that two young people who have an af- fection for each other are able to baffle all the pre- caution in the world. And for the future, I wou'd no more attempt to oppofe the decrees of love than I wou'd the decrees of fate. Pan. As light'ning fhoots from place to place, Which through the clouds we wond'rin Or darts a beam from Phcebus' face, Whofe flight no eye difcovers ; Or from the moon a filver ray, Will, glittering, on a river play ; So pointed arrows wing their way, To wound the heart of lovers. Llf. I am your voucher, here's the pair, But truft me they may thank my care ; Remember, Sir, the carrier, Who, praying, did endeavour To help his team along the road, Cries out, this time is ill beftow'd ; Friend, clap your moulders to the load> Or you'll ftay here for ever. Hot. tME WEDDING RING. Hex. What will you fay in excufe ? Your maxims arc in little ufej Too oft we find 'tis wealth profufc The female heart bewitches ; But you* an inftance rare, remove The fhameful prejudice ; and prove, Though riches, moft, prefer to love, Some love, prefer, to richest fel. Zerbino, take your Wedding Ring, Of ferious, facred ufe~--a thing That us'd, or well, or ill, will bring To mortals joy or forrow : It fav'd us both to day ah, think, From a rude precipice's brink, Where, plunging, we were fure to fink In mifery to-morrow. Ze r. I fee it, arid the Ring once more To its right owner thus reflore ; By \vhcm 'twas won, it fhould be wore, Truft me I'll prove no rover ; And now if fortune kindly fends, That we have pleas'd thefe beft of 'friends, I've gain'd my moft ambitious ends, And all my cares are over. THE END, -HAM % 3 THE WATERMAN; o R, The Firft of Auguft. A BALLAD OPERA, IN TWO ACTS. A3 IT IS PERFORMED AT THE THEATRE- ROYAL, HAY- MARKET. LONDON: Printed for T. BECKET, the Corner of the Adelphi, in the Strand. 1775. ^PRICE ONE SHILLING.] . rfoiflw bnfi t dbriw ani vm TOTHE PUBLIC. F: INDING, among the different pieces I have compofed forRanelagh and the Theatre, a number of Ballads which I took great pains with, and which have been but little heard, I thought I could not better employ my leifure time than in furnifhing upon fome familar plan the dialogue necefTary to work up thefe materials into a Ballad Farce, a fpe- cies of entertainment which has always been well received, and which, as it has lain dor- mant for fome time, I thought would have fo far the charms of novelty to recommend it. I had heard of a piece of this fort, which has the characters of a Waterman and a Gar- dener in it -, and the fcene of which is laid at Batterfea: This I enquired after, but was informed it was out of print ; I neverthelefs Jiked the idea of thofe two charadters fa well, well, that I determined to purfue the hint as far as it was neceffary for my purpofe ; I dare fay it mufl be evident to every one that I have done no more ; I never read the piece in queftion, nor do I for a certainty at this moment know the title of it. I mention this circumflance becaufe I am refolved to acknowledge at all times from whence I collect any matter for the trifles I may have an opportunity of prefenting to the public. I mufl be an egregious egotift in- deed, and little entitled to the indulgence they have hitherto favoured me with, if I could be fo unconfcious of my own inability as to fiippofe I ever can prefent them with any thing worthy their notice without affiflance of this fort ; belide, in this I am ferving myfelf, for I mufl be well convinced, the moil effectual way to fecure their indul- gence is to deal as honeflly by them as they deal generoufiy by every man in my fitua- tion. With inir With regard to the performers, if I men- tion the merit of any one in particular, I fhould do injuftice to the reft -, I mall there* fore fay in general, that their afliduity has been unwearied upon this, as well as upon every other fimilar occafion. The piece is indeed incomparably per- formed, and it is very apparent that the greateft part of its fuccefs is owing to this circurnftance. ' ' ' - ! s marto v - Dramatis tf .nM * J S OH 43 MO - *M- IW Dramatis Perfonse, MEN. TUG, Mr. BANN XSTER, BUNDLE, Mr. W i L s ox, K O B I N, Mn W E s T o N, WOMEN, Mrs. BUNDLE, Mrs. THOMPSON, WJLELMINA, Mrs, JEWELL. - * " 5 .-.M yf THE WATERMAN; O R, moon, and ftars, are not half fo bright as my eyes ; that I am Cupid, Venus, and the three Graces put together. TUG. Why to be fure all this may be very fine ; but why mould I fpeak to you in a lingo I don't un- derftand ? WIL. This, as my dear Robin fays, is the only language of true lovers, and if you don't underftand it already, you'll learn it for my fake. TUG. I'll tell you what, Mifs, if you don't marry me, till I make fuch a fool of myfelf, 'tis my mind you'll never marry me at all. I love you to be fartain, there's nobody can fay to the contrary of that ; but you'll never catch me at your Cupids and Weniflesj I am ffc FIRST ./AUGUST. I am plain, and downright; I'd do all that in my power lay to make you happy, if you'd have me, and if you won't, I have nothing to do but to caft away care, and go on board of a man of war, for I could never bear to flay here if you was married to another. WIL. What, then, you'd leave England and all for the love of me? TUG. That's what I would, Mifs. WIL. Well, that woij'd be charming ! Oh ! how J ihou'd doat upon it, if I was to hear them cry through Batterfea-Stieets, The unfortunate fallows la- mentation for the lofs of his miftrefs ! TUG. I'll flick to my word, I afllire you ; if you won't have me, I'll go on board a man of war. I * i it. T l. -,: SCENE III. W i L E L M i N A ar.d ROBIN. WIL. Well, 'tis a moft charming thing to plngue thefe creaturesdie for me ! if I had not given myk.if feme airs to him, he never cou'd have thought, of fuch a thing; but that's the way, if one docs not ufe them like dogs, there's no getting any tlr'ng civil from th' n but here comes Robin, I mull ph him in another way. ROE Mifs W.'lelmina, may I have the irnfpealjpable ha'ppinefs to tel) you, how much words fail Ihort of the great honour, y-u v/ou'd prefer upon me, if you wou'd grant me the requeft, of favouring me with your hand this evening at the hop. WIL. Why, Mr.' 'Robin, what particular inclina* tion can ycu have to dance with me ? ROB. What Inclination, Mifs ! afk the plants why they love a mower ? afk the fun-flower why it loves the fun ? afk the fhow-drop why it is white ? afk the violet why it is blue? afk the trees why they.bloffom ? the Cabages why thry grow ? 'tis all becaufe they can't help it ; ;;o mere :ati I help my love for you. WIL. Lord, Mr. Robing how gallant yoti are ! ROB. Oh, my Wilelmina ! thou art ftraiter than the ftraiteft tree ! iweeter than the iweeteil flower ! thy hand is as white as a lily ! thy breath :s as iweet as honey-iuckles ! and whe i >oii fpeak, grace. is in all your fteps ! heaven in your eye ! in every gef- ture- -Oh dear. WIL, Lord, Mr. Robin, you have faid that fo often ROB. Well, you never heard me fay this in your life -now mind. My heart is for all the world jiift like a hot-bed, where the feed of affection, fown by your matchlefs charms, and warmed by that fun, your eyes, 3>? F I R S T of A U G U S T. 13 syes, became a beautiful flower, which is jufl now full blo\\n-, and all I defires, Mifs, is, that you'll condefcend to ga:her if and ftick it in your bofom. WIL. And vrhat pr^tenfions have you to think 1 fhall ever confent to fuch a thing ? ROB. Pretenlions, Mils] becauie my love is bound- lefs as the fca, and my heart is a. 1 'dl of Cupid's ar- rows, as a fweet briar is full of thorns. WIL. By I am afraid if I was icolifh enough to believe you, you wou'u foon forget me. ROB. Forget you, JVlifs ! 'tis impofable ! fooner fhall afparagus forget to grow, feed forget to rife, leaves to fall, fooner (hall trees 'grow with their roots in the air, and their branches buried in the earth, than I forget my Wilelmina. WIL. Well, I do declare there's no refifting you* ROB. Refifting me, Mifs ! no I don't know how you fhou'd , my heart is ftock'd with love, as a. flower-garden is ftock'd with flowers. The Cupids that have fled from your eyes and taken fhelter there, are as much out of number as the leaves on a tree, or the colours in a bed of tulips: You are to" me what the fummer is to the garden, and if you don't revive me with the fun-fhine of your favour, I mail be over- run with the weeds of difappointmcnt, and choak'd up with the brambles of defpair. WIL. That wou'd be a pity indeed. , ROB. So 'twould indeed, Mifs. WIL. Do you really love me then ? ROB. Love you! % i ,rl UOY t ridoH .tl/ ,b*>J i A T I . . .ertnuib tote* A * the WATERMAN; Or, A I R, L Bid the Uoffoms never be blight ed^ Birds by fcarce-crows never be frighted, rf'jft. From the firm earth the oak remove, 'leach the jeffamine how to blow, Teach the boly-oak to grow, Trees bear cherries, Hedges berries, But prithee teach not me to love. II. Grafs Jhall grow than cedars higher, Pinks JJjall bloom upon the briar, Lilies be as btack as jet, Rofesfmell no longer fweet, Melons ripen without beat* Plumbs and cherries, *Tafte like berries, When Wlelmiva I forget. ' lip esmoD b'flsJHI bfl u'< ca -^oy b'l^Sij) 3vsii ^ioni c bns ijoy p(dw giis baiisaaoa zuoioD/i iS'jfikj 3^>riw * gnirigLfftl 03 ,nftv^ 5lDia aril oini hwri zaKoi arij (Is 3ud jn.morn ni /Iriow ^fqosq wfj "k) fbi t>! . F I R S T tf A U G U S T. SCENE IV. BUNDLE and W i L E L M i N A. WIL. Oh, Papa ! are you there ? BUN. Hufh ! hufli ! ipeak foftly ! you have not feenyour mother, have you ? WIL. No BUN. Becaufe I wanted to talk with you, Wilel- mina, my dear. WIL. What upon theoldfubject, I fuppofe. BUN. Yes, but 1 wou'd not have her hear us. WIL. Oh ! fhe's fafe enough, fcolding the men in the garden. BUN Oh! that will take her ibme time. Well, have you ieen Thomas ? WIL. Yes I have Teen him, and a moft deplorable figure he cuts ; 1 believe by this time he has enter'd jiimfelf on board a man of war : that fo, as the hi- tory-book fays, he may put an end to his exiftence and my cruelty together. BUN. Why, did he fay he wou'd ? WIL. Don't I tell you I was cruel to him, and how cou'd he do any lefs. BUN. Why the girl's deftracted! but this comes of gadding about with your mother; if you had liften'd to my advice, J wou'd no more have fuffer'd you to put on fuch ridiculous conceited airs why, you and your mother are the laughing flock of the whole placej Ineverp~>pmy head into the Black Raven, to get my penny worth in a morning, but all the folks are full of it. WIL. Why, Papa, we are only a little genteeler than the reft of the people of Batterfca, that's all. BUN, J6 &e WATERMAN; Or, BUN. Genteeler ! Do you call it genteel then to take a pleafu;e in being pointed at ? But I'll not bear it ; therefore hear, what I have to fay, or WIL. Why do you tell me of all this ? Why don't you fpeak to my Mama? 'Tis no wonder me does what fhe pleaies with me, when you know you don't dare to contradict her yourfelf. BUN. Not dare to contradict her ! WIL. No, Papa; you know me will have her own way, and fince me has defired me to have Robin, what can I do but be dutiful ? BUN. What then you owe no duty to me, I fuppofe ? WIL. Indeed I do; and if I cou'd fee that you owed a little to yourfelf, Iwou'dobligc you willingly. BUN. But as it is, you won't marry Thomas. WIL. I can't, indeed. BUN. And for no other reafon but becaufe your Mama imfifts upon your marrying Robin ? WIL. No other. BUN. Very well, I'll fettle the matter : fhe mail do as I pleafe, and if fhe was to come acrofs me now SCENE V. BUNDLE, WILELMINA, and Mrs. BUNDLE. Mrs. BUN. What then, Mr. Bundle ? BUN. My dear. Mrs. BUN. What cou'd have conduced you to raife your voice to fuch a pitch ? I hope you had not the affurance to be tampering, and plotting, and un- dermining my daughter's infections; and, above all, 1 hope you was not hatching up any vile fcheme to impofe my authority. WIL. Poor Papa! how he looks? BUN. ,7 BUM. Why, my dear, I did intend to- f.y fome- thing to yoii on rh.it fubjecl, but as my tongue does not go quite fo foil as a water-mill, I am afraid ic wou'd be hut to little purpofe. Mrs. BUN. Scurvy creature ! WIL. If you don't fpeak, Papa, I fliall be obliged to marry Robin. BUN. I can't help it. WI-L. *Tis all your own fault now; don't blame me ~I muft marry Robin, you have perfectly given me your content. BUN. Sothou con'dft b.it unmarry me, I'd coafent to your marrying whoever you pleas'd. M-s. BUN. Well, my dear, what has he been fay- ing to you ? nothing I hope to difcourage you in your ."nfections to Robin. WIL. Indeed he has, and I can't think of being undutiful. Mrs. BUN. Undutiful, indeed ! I fay undutiful^ which will reflect, moil upon you do you think? to obey a mean, poor fpirited, drone of a father, who has nothing but low mechanical ideras, or a mother who is. acquainted with Shakefpeare, goes to -all the fenti- mental comedies^ can play at cards, dance kittelions and allemands, and knows every particle of purlite- nefs and high- breeding. WIL. Very true, Ma'am ; but then Mr. Thomas is r i f* .. . fuch a hveet young man. Mr,. BUN. He! WIL. So gooa-natpred 1 ^f j - B ru T1 a7 andii! WIL Sohoneft! Mrs. LUN Low creature! WIL. Such an imincnnty of love! >mjb Mrs. BUN. The Hottencot ! I'll tell you what, Wilelmina, your father has put all this into your head, D LliooH.jiW i$ fk WATERMAN^ Or, I'll go and give it to him heartily, while my blood's up, for daring to be beforehand with me , and then I have but one word to fay to you, either comply and marry Robin, or elfe I'll difmherit you from any mare in the blood of my family, the Grograms ; and you may creep through life with the dirty, pitiful, mean, paltry, low, ill-bred notions which you have gather'd from his family the Bundles. A I R. ou fee I'm quite ccol. Obey me y 'tis all for yoitr good', Or may I be counted a fool. If I own you for my fiejh and blood. Prefer fetch a lout, Mifs, forjhame, 'To Robin fo fpruce andfo trim ; But your father it is tbafs to blame + Andfo IJbaU e'en talk to him. SCENE VI. WlLELMINA. Well, in all I have read, I never meet with a girl of more fpirit than myfelf for I make two lovers, and a father and mother as miferable as I can defire ; and yet, am I to blame? are not they the authors of all this buflle themfelves ? If I oblige one, I dif- oblige the other : I mall, therefore, fet all other con- fiderations afide, and confult only mine own heart. A I R FIRST */ AUGUST. 19 ' AIR l t Too yielding a carriage, Has oft before marriage, To ruin and mifery pointed the way : You're Jhunrfd, if complying, But your lover once flying, How eager he'll follow and beg you tojay. II. A coquette ne'er proclaim me, Ye maids, then, nor blame me, If I wijh to be happy, whene'er fm a wife ; Each lover's denial, Was only a trial, Which is he that's mofi Ukely to love me for life. hig fi ow: mhl Tfa END oj the FIRST ACT. b I OJ 13f ! ^Ol313fl3 . -j 3nirn ylno jlwinoa bru ' 20 The W A T E R M A N ; Or, ACT II, SCENE I. BUNDLE, Mrs. B u N D L E ; afterwards WlLELMINA. w BUNDLE, HAT fhall I do with this perverfe girl ? I have but poor comfort for my friend Thomas However, all things confidercd, I don't know whe- ther I fhou'd not have done him a more unfriendly office by marrying him, than by keeping him fingle. For my own part, was I to chufe whether I wou'd keep my wife, or have the plague ; on my confcience I fhou'd inn the rifque of the laft. But mercy on us ! here me comes 'tis a ftrange thing that I never mention die word plague, but fhe's at my elbow. Mrs. BUN. Mr Bundle I fhall be very cool Sir. BUN. I hope fo, my dear. Mrs. BUN. What the devil isthereafon that you have been making all this here piece of work ? BUN. my dear. Mrs. BUN. I fay, Sir, how comes it to pafs, th.it in fpight of all my conjunctions to the contrary, you will behave fo monftroufly fhameful as to oblige me to put myfelf in thefe here paffions, BUN, Why, my dear, are you ever in paflion ? Mrs. BUN. Don't provoke me you think, I fup- poie, be-caufe you have got your daughter on your {ide, to carry all before you ; but, Mr. Bundle, tho' On outward charms I'll ne'er refy, But -prize the graces of the mind. The empty coxcomb, which you chofe y Juft like the flower of a day, Shook by each wind that folly blows, Seems born to flutter and decay. II. Tour choice an honejl afpetl wears ; To give him pain I oft' have grieved \ Sut it proceedethfrom my fears ; Than me, much wifer are deceived : I thank you both, then, for your love. Wait for my choice a little while , And he who mofi jhall worthy prove, My hand Til offer with afmile. ' I ^o isrb SCENE 24 Me WATERMAN; Or, SCENE II. BUNDLE, Mrs. BUNDLE. BUN. Well, my dear, what do you lay to all this ? Mrs. BUN. Say! why that I am perfectly in a uandary , the confidence of the baggage goes beyond aU 1 - One would think (he had never been edicated by me. BUN. Oh ! I am afraid it's her having been edicated by you, as you call it, that has taught it her. Mrs. BUN. What do you ftand muttering there about ? 'tis you {he may thank for all thefe mean no- tions ; if me would but fuffer me to teach her a little of the bone-tone, flie would defpife the idera of con- fulting her heart about marrying; fuch low mechani- cal ftuff has been out of fafhion a long time fince, among people that know how to bemean themfelves. BUN. Well, but I fnppofe, you intend to let her do what me pleafes. Mrs. BUN. No, Sir-, do you think I am fo tame as to be ruled by my daughter ? I believe you can witnefs for me that I feldom let any body rule but my (elf. BUN You never let any body rule but yourfelf, my dear ; and really you do i: fo well, it is a pity to hin- der you. Mrs. BUN. None of your fneers, Sir - But I fee into the bottom of all this; 'tis a fcheme between you and your daughter, to make a fool of me ; but I'll after her and cure her of her ridiculous notions of love, and a pack of fluff, and me mall marry the man I have chofe for her, or - In fhort, I have de- termined what to do, and let me hear you, or her, fay a fmgle word againft it, if you dare: A I R F I R S T of A U G U S T. 25 A I R. How canjhe thus low-minded be ? A girl of her merit ! What's become of her fpirit ? Would the baggage take pattern by me, She'd value the plea fur e of no man ! But hold up her head. And in all that fie faid. Claim the privilege due to a woman. Our wills ought to be without meafure, And the beft thing thatyou^ Male creatures can do, 1$ to buckle to our will and pleafurc. SCENE III. BUNDLE and TUG. TUG. Matter Bundle, how fares it ? I wanted to fpeak to you, but I never likes to interrupt people when they are in agreeable company. BUN. What you faw my wife with me, m.e is the moft agreeable company, it mud be confefs'd. ' TUG. Why {he did not feem to be cantancaras with you now. BUN. No, her anger was levelled at her daughter ; but 'tis all the fame, I feel the good effects of it, let her be cantancaras, as you call it, with who me will. TUG. But, Maftvr Bundle, how comes it to pafs that me mou'd be angry with Mils Wilelmina ? me has not refufed to marry Robin, has (he? BUN. But me has though, and refufed to marry . you too. E Tuc, ?6 ?be WATERMAN* Or, TUG. Ay, ay ; why I never heard me had any other fweetheart. BUN. I don't know what -the girl has got in her head, not I a parcel of abfurd Huff! fhe has a mind to make fools cf us all, I believe ; but there was ibmething well enough too in what fhe fald, if fhe's fincere ; but the lord help thofe that trufts too much to them, fay I, TUG. Why, what does (he fay ? BUN. Why, that me does not know which fhe mail have yet; but that {he'll marry the firit that does any thing to deferve her. TUG. Does me ? why then '-tis my opinion me'll marry me. BUN. Whyfo? TUG. 1 know why, well enough \ but could no a body fpeak to her now ? BUN. I am going in, and I'll fend her to you ; bull I would not-havt you depend too much on her. TUG. I'll run the rifque, Mailer Bundle. BUN. Only fee the difference between us, you are ill agog to get married, and I would give the world to be rid of my fhackles. TUG. Why, I believe if a man was to take up the trade of unmarrying folks, he would get more money by it, than you and I do by ours. BUN. More money ! \be F I R S T / AU G U S T. 27 . . AIR. - but tie law appoint us one, Tir'd couples toreleafe again, What fioah of all degrees would run, To break their matrimonial chain ! r he widow old, Herfelf and gold, Who to the healtlyy fpendthrlft gave i And the rich churl, Who took a girl, Poor wretch ! with one foot in the grave. II. Prudes, who at men would never look, -Tetjlyly tafted Hymen's joy , And wild coquets, who hujbands took, When they could get no other toy : Millions would try, fbeknottountyc: towards the goal of liberty > Lord! what a throng* Would croud along, And in the midjl my wife and me ! SCENE The WATERMAN; Or, SCENE IV. TUG and W i L E L M i N A. TUG. Yes, but I hope I (han't have fuch a cranlc and humpurfome piece of ftuffto deal with as you have -, 1 ilon't know, not I, but for my fhare, I can't fee why married people mayn't be happy as well as others ; 'tis my mind, Mifs here, is trying which is the mod loving of us two, and if fo I would not give my little Robin three-pence for his chance, for I know as well as can be, that he has no more notion of making a woman happy than nothing at all but here me comes. WIL. Hey day ! why I thought you was gone on board a man of war before now ! TUG. Why no, Mifs, I eVt yet gone, I am in hopes there will be no occafion, if there mould, I arri always one of my word. WIL. Oh, you unkind creature ! to difappoint me fo, I was in hopes by this time to have received a long letter from you, upbraiding me with my cruelty, and telling me that yon were gone abroad with a broken heart at being difappointed of me. TUG. Why, Mils, as to breaking mv heart, to be fure, I mould go well nigh to, do that, if I 'could not perluade you to have me ; but I have been thinking that it would be better to try if I can't, ftay at home, and do fomething to obtain your confent ; for to be fure the pieafure of having you, is not what every body dejerves. WIL, ST& F I R S T vf A U G U S T. 23 WIL. Oh ! 'till I hear you have been venturing your life for me, I (hall never relent. TUG. Well now, Mils, I for my parr, think you will. WIL. Indeed, you have a great deal of confidence to think any fuch thing. TUG. I hope you won't be angry, if I do my belt to make you WIL And what do you call doing your beft ? TUG. Why 'tis not my way to brag, and fo I won't fay any thing about it now, but I have a favour to beg of you if you pleafe. WIL. What is it, pray ? TUG. Why, you know that the young watermen are to row for the Coat and Badge this afternoon, and fo I have made bold to befpeak a room at the Swan, for you and your friends to go and fee the fight. . WIL. That's very gallant, indeed, Mr. Thomas ! but you talk of trying to deferve me, why did not you make one among the watermen, and fo win the Coat and Badge yourfelf ? TUG. Well, never you mind any thing, about that, will you accept of my proffer of the room ? WIL. Why, I think I will. TUG, And do you think now, if ever I was to do any thing with an intent to pleafe you, that you cou'd bring yourfelf to look upon me with kindnefs ? WIL. Why, I don't know but 1 might. TUG. Why, then I allure you, if ever you fhou'd be agreeable to marry me, you fhou'd be asjiappy as ever love and. an honeft heart can make you. T A I R. tte WATERMAN; A I R. Mscd, Mifs,fuch fweet-hearts as I am* I fancy you'll meet with but few ; *o love you more true I defy them, I always am thinking of you. There are maidens would have me to flenty^ Nell Cicily, Prifcilla, and Sue, Bttt inftead of all thefe were there twenty, I never Jhwld think but of you. II. F&lfe hearts all your money mayfyiiandet Anl only have pleaftire in view -, Nier fromyou a moment til wander^ Unlefs to get money for you. The tide, when 'tis ebbing or flowing, Is not to the moon half fo true-, $for my oars to their time when I'm r9toii% As my heart, my fond heart, is to SCENK FIRST rf AUGUST. 31 S C EN E V. WlLELMINA, RoBIN t There's great honefty about this poor fel- low Here comes t'other , I lee I muft choofe foon, pr there will be no peace for me. So, Mr. Robin, what news have you ? ROB. News, my angel ! news that will make your heart dance with joy, and clear away the clouds and mifts that hang on thy beautiful face; juft for all the world as the fuji clears away the fhowers in the month of April. WIL. Indeed ! I mould be glad to hear it, ROB. You can't think how you will be overjoy'd! WIL. Shall I ? Why don't you tell it me then? ROB. Well then, Mils, I'll keep you no longer in fufpence ; your mother is determined that we mall be married to-morrow morning. WIL. What, whether I will or no ? ROB. Whether you wijl or no! how can you help it; don't I love you better than the ivy loves oak, better than cucumbers love heat, or birds love cher- ries ; I love you better WIL. Hold, hold, Mr. Robin, 'tis neceffary in, this cafe I mould love you a little. ROB. And don't you ! Hear this,you bloomingjon- quils, and loofe your fweetnefs ! turn white you rofes^ and you lilies red ! each flower lofe its fragrance and its hue, .and nature change, for Wilelmina's fafte ! WIL. Inched, Mr. Robin, you have fuqh winning ways ; that pretty fpeech has half perfuaded me to* confent. ROB. fcs it ? . WIL. It hag upon my word. ROB. 3 2 The W A T E R M A N ; Or, ROB. Jonquils fmell fweet again ! rofes and lilies keep again your colour! and every flower look brighter than before, for Wileimina'strue ! WIL. How dearly you do love me, Mr. Robin ! ROB. Why, Mifo, the pufiion which is planted in my heart has taken root, as like as can be to a great elm which there is no grubbing up, but it Ipreads farther and farther, and you can't for the life of you deitroy it 'till you faw down the trunk and all. WIL. That's as much as to fay x that you'U love me as long as you live. ROB. The very thing Lord, how fenfible you are, Mifs ! WIL. Really, Mr. Robin, you are fo gay and agreeable R,OB. E'n't I, Mifs ? So every body fays only think then how you will be envied Well then, I'll jtep to your Mama and tell her what has paft -, and 'then I mall have nothing to do but to go to town (CK morrow for the ring and licence. A I R. I. Cherries and plumbs are never found^ But on the plumb and cherry tree ; Parfnips are long, turnips c,re round* So Wiielmintfs made for me. II. The fey the to mow the graft is made, Shreds to keep dofe tbeftraggling 'tree j ^tie knife toprunc, to dig thefpade, So Wilelmina's made for me. SCENE *ik FIRST*/ AUGUST. 33 SCENE VI. WILELMINA, ROBIN, and Mrs. BUNDLE." Mrs. BUN. Well, Robin, have you refonn'd her What I order 'd you p What, I fuppofe, you have been a fool now? there never was fuch a t'merfome fel- low in the world I tell you what, Wilelmina, if I find you have been jrnpofihg upon this poor, bafhful Creature, you will put me in a paffion, and you know when I am once in a paffion, 1 am not eufily pacified. WIL. Let me iiriderftarid you, Ma''arn. Mrs. BUN. Why I fent this blockhead to let you know that I am diffolved to fee you married to-morrow morning, and I know you ha^e been giving yourfelf fome confounded airs or other, and Ib He has been afraid to tell you. WIL. I wonder, Ma'am, you mould be uneafy on that account- he told me, and in very plain terms. Mrs. BUN. Well, and I hope you hid not the con- ference to fay any thing againft it. WIL. So far from it, Ma'am, I now plainly fee the great abfurdity of attempting to oppofe your will. Mrs. BUN. And have you confented to have him, then ? ROB. She has,. Ma'am. Mrs. BUN. Then thou art my child again Mr. Wick's family will be in iv.ptures at this , run, Robin, and tell them we fhall call at their houfe in our way to the rowing match. WIL. And will you forgive my former difobe- dience, Ma'am ? Mrs. BUN. Oh ! it was all your father, my dear; but I'll now take the pains to inftrudt you how to behave vourfelf. F 34 fbe W A T E R M A N j Or, WIL. I am obliged to yon, Ma'am, but I don' think I mall ever be fo accomplifhed as you. Mrs.Ruxi Why, I don't think you will ever get my genteel air ; but as for other matters they are eafily underftood. WIL. Are they, Mama ? Afrj.BuN, I'll tell you. A I R. 70 be modi fa genteel, and the true thing, my dear, Injhort, to be monftrous well- bred. Ton muft ogle andfimper, and giggle and leer, And talkthefirft nonfenfetbat comes in your bead. In grave, fufty, old-fajhion* d times, 'Ere eafe and deportment "went hence ; I'o be bold was the vileft of crimes, And deceit was an heinous offence : But the fajhions are now of another %uefs kind, Our modes are by no means the fame ; For, blcfs'd with good eyes, we pretend to be blind, And with ftrength to run miles, appear lame. SCENE VII. WlLELMINA. Indeed, Mama, I beg your pardon, but I mail not receive my inftruftion from you Let me fee I have promifed her to marry her favou rite Robin j to heighten the plot a little more, I'll e'en go and promife my Papa to marry his favourite Thomas ; and then for the Swan, where, I think, there will be a tollerable confufion. What a buftle this fame love makes among us, we all feem to be afraid of it, and yet all with to poilefs it. A I R fbe FIRST */ AUGUST. 3S .r;o> A I R Girls, during courtflnp, jhould, at leaft, No lover truft, but doubt him ; But when they've fworn before theprieft^ Thenfnd no fault about him. II. Who venture all upon a ftake^ Undone if they mifcarry -, The ri/ks they run, from each mi/lake, Behoves them to be wary. SCENE, the A ROOM at the SWAN. Mrs. BUNDLE, ROBIN, and Company, afterwards WILELMINA and afterwards TUG and BUNDLE. Mrs. BUN, My dear, Mr. Wick, as to that, gen- tility's every thing-m-I hates to fee a parcel of trumpery that knows nothing of life. Do, Robin, ftep and fee after Wilelmina what can be become of the girl ? ROB. She's here, Ma'am. Mrs. BUN. Come, my dear you'll lofe the fight , they tells me that the rowers have let out from the OldSwan fome time. txr TM r i f r L WIL. They are very near furely ; for fee what a number of boats are come in fight. Mrs. BUN. Oh ! I can fee them very plain. How many is there ? F 2 Wu, 3 6 ttt W A T E R M A N , Or, t WiL. One, two, three, four, I think I can count five Mrs. BUN. That fmart young man will certainly win it , how clean and neat he looks ! WIL. Here he comes-, his boat perfectly flies! Mrs. BUN. Oh, he'll win it ! WIL. He has won it already, Madam -, h^'s pad the Hairs. ROB. See, he jumps on fliore. WIL. And lee he's coming this way Surely 'tis not BUN. (Coming on) Here's your Thomas for you ! he's coming ! I told you he'd be the firft that would do any thing to delerve you Here he is ! WIT.. And was it you that won the Coat and Badge? TUG. '1 was indeed, Mifs. Wit. And what made you ? AIR, TUG. . / roitfd for the prize, To receive from tbofe eyes A kind look, from tbofe lips a fweet fmik ; But left IJhould lofe, Andyr>u for that faulty our poor omfi>ould refujt My heart it went pit-a-pat all the -while. When iv e came to ihe pull, How I handled myjkull, 'Fwcu'd have done y cur heart good to havefeen us 'There was never a boat's length between us<> But the Swan once in view, My boat bow it flew, And verily b'lieve 'twas all thinking ofyi you. WIL. fbt FIRST of AUGUST. # WIL. Thus then I reward you. ROB. What is all this ? TUG. Why, all this is that I'm a happy fellow, and you are knock' d out of your chance. WIL. Is not he a fweet fellow, Ma'am ? Hew neat and clean be looks ! Mrs. BUN. Wilelmina, don't put me in a paffion. WIL. I have no intention, Ma'am, to do any fuch thing. Mrs. BUN, Why, you impudent flut! have not you deceived me ? depofed upon me ? promifed me to marry this young man ? and now WIL. Indeed, Ma'am, you muft excufe me; but in fo ferious a matter, I thought it of much more confequence to confider myfelf than you -, befides, I was fo fituated that I muft have difobliged either you or my Papa, for whenever I gave you a promife, I gave one to him, and had your choice appeared to me the moft likely to make me happy, I fhou'd not have hefitated a moment in refuting his. ROB. My hopes are all blighted then, I find. Mrs. BUN. I faid all along, that this was a con- trived thing between you ; but, Mr. Bundle, you lhall fmart for it. BUN. My dear, you know I am a man of an eafy temper and few words, but I am pretty firm in keep- ing a refolution ; I have fuffered you to expofe me at home pretty well -, but if you are refolved to carry your folly to fuch a height as to expofe me abroad, I am refolved it mall not be for nothing : Therefore, either promiie before this company, to bid adieu to fcolding for the future, or before this company I will do what you threat'ned me this morning be fepara- ted from you. Mrs. BUN. Why, I am thunderftruck ! BUN; 3 Me WATERMAN; Or, BUN. I expected little lefs; but am refolved, de- pend upon it; however to let you fee that you are very welcome to be miflrefs of your own houfe, manage your concerns as you like, do what you pleafe, fo you let me be quiet : In fhort, do nothing to give me uneafmefs, and I make an agreement from tliis moment, for you to govern while I fmoke. WIL. Dear Mama, it is impofiible for any thing to be fairer. BUN. Come, come, me muft have a little time to think of it ; but fhe'll agree to the terms, Fm fure of it ; and now let us think of nothing but pleafure, and as this is the happieft day I ever faw in my life, I fay let us make it the merrieft. A I R. TUG. JVIfVr let your heart, my girl, fink down \ That I am true, believe me, Or next time that I row to town, May wind and tide deceive me ? By this here breeze, My bearfs at eafe, Now dances at bigb water ; My labour's o'er, fve gaitfd thejhore^ And free from fear, Am landed her e-t With my dear Gardener* Daughter. Mrs, We FIRST of AUGUST 'AMflS'TAW ms 3-fc uoy JBfb 33l.m>3( 33; it noqr; -Wr/. BUNDLE 'iBfn //, wjr^r, 'tis all in vain, Since this you think expedient, If of the pa/I you'll not complain, Atanarl Hadpro %;^^^ Each voice in priife, through all her life, Of the Gardener's wife-! As well as of bis daughter. BUNDLE. My child, you've fairly won my Igart, Tou took no council from us; But prizing love, and f corning art > Prefer'dyour honeft Thomas ; 'Twas wifely done, Shake hands, my fon, Love's lejonyou have taurht fa And now my dear, Be butfmcere, 1 do not fear, There* II ne'er appear, So good a wife and daughter, 4 Vt$5^S$V ft W&\, ^ * ttMXtft\^\!bK WJLELMINA* " 4Q