UC-NRLF 
 
 B 4 541 Ibl 
 
The Gift of Beatrix Farrand 
 
 to the General Library 
 
 University of California, Berkeley 
 
afaffl 
 

 OR 
 
 A Jest in Sober Earnest. < 
 
 

 

 
 / 
 
p 
 
 REEF 
 
 POINT 
 
 GARDENS 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 t*s £3D*r- J3E*s £5k"& 
 
 >* 
 
No. I. 
 
 The Parchment Paper Series. 
 
English 
 
 As She is Spoke. 
 
<i 
 
 EXCRUCIATINGLY FUNNY," says The World, 
 is " English as she is Spoke, or a Jest in Sober 
 
 thought." 
 
 " TTVERY one who loves a laugh," says Fun, "should 
 1j either buy, beg, borrow, or — we had almost said 
 steal — this book ; for in sober earnest we aver that it is 
 not given to every one to 'jest so.' " 
 
fr**M, J **** 
 
 CL 
 
 R§Ii^ 
 
 fltftyAfffoK? 
 
 OR 
 
 A Jest in Sober Earnest, 
 
 With an Introduction by 
 
 JAMES MILLINGTON. 
 
 NEW TORK: 
 D. Appleton & Co., 1,3, & 5 Bond Street. 
 
 1884. 
 
Introduction. 
 
 Ft 
 
 ♦ ^nirobuciion 
 
 ROM the time of Shakspere down- 
 wards, wits and authors innumer- 
 able have made themselves and the 
 public more or less merry at the 
 expense of the earlier efforts of the 
 student of a strange tongue ; but it has been 
 reserved to our own time for a sot disant in- 
 structor to perpetrate — at his own expense — 
 
 40G 
 
ii. Introduction. 
 
 the monstrous joke of publishing a Guide to 
 Conversation in a language of which it is only 
 too evident that every word is utterly strange 
 to him. The Teutonic sage who evolved the 
 ideal portrait of an elephant from his " inner 
 consciousness " was a commonplace, matter-of- 
 fact person compared with the daring visionary 
 who conjures up a complete system of language 
 from the same fertile but untrustworthy source. 
 The piquancy of Senhor Pedro Carolino's New 
 Guide of the Conversation in Portuguese and Eng- 
 lish is enhanced by the evident bona fides and 
 careful compilation of " the little book," or as 
 Pedro himself gravely expresses it, " for the 
 care what we wrote him, and for her typo- 
 graphical correction." 
 
 In short, the New Guide of the Conversation in 
 Portuguese and English was written with serious 
 
Introduction. iii. 
 
 intent, and for the purpose of initiating Portu- 
 guese students into the mysteries of the Eng- 
 lish language. The earlier portions of the 
 book are divided into three columns, the first 
 giving the Portuguese ; the second what, in 
 the opinion of the author, is the English equiva- 
 lent ; and the third the English equivalent pho- 
 netically spelt, so that the tyro may at the same 
 time master our barbarous phraseology and 
 the pronunciation thereof. In the second part 
 of the work the learner is supposed to have 
 sufficiently mastered the pronunciation of the 
 English language, to be left to his own devices. 
 A little consideration of the shaping of our 
 author's English phrases leads to the conclu- 
 sion that the materials used have been a Portu- 
 guese-French phrase-book and a French-Eng- 
 lish dictionary. With these slight impedi- 
 
IV. Introduction. 
 
 menta has the daring Lusitanian ventured upon 
 the unknown deep of a strange language, and 
 the result, to quote again from the Preface, 
 M May be worth the acceptation of the studious 
 persons, and especially of the Youth, at which 
 we dedicate him particularly," but will at all 
 events contribute not a little to the Youth's 
 hilarity. 
 
 To begin with the vocabulary ; it is perhaps 
 hardly fair to expect a professor of languages 
 to trouble himself with " Degrees of Kindred," 
 still, such titles as " Gossip mistress, a relation, 
 an relation, a guardian, an guardian, the quater- 
 grandfather, the quater-grandmother," require 
 some slight elucidation, and passing over the 
 catalogue of articles of dress which are denomi- 
 nated "Objects of Man" and "Woman Ob- 
 jects," one may take exception to "crumbs" 
 
Introduction. 
 
 and "groceries," which are inserted among 
 plates and cruets as ordinary table garniture. 
 
 Among what are denominated M Eatings " 
 we find "some wigs," "a dainty dish. "a 
 mutton shoulder," "a little mine," -hog-fat," 
 and u an amelet " : the wunu is scarcely appe- 
 tising, especially when among "Fishes and 
 Shellfishes " our Portuguese Lucullus sets down 
 the "hedgehog," "snail," and "wolf." After 
 this such trifles as " starch " arranged under 
 the heading of " Metals and Minerals," and 
 " brick " and " whitelead " under that of " Com- 
 mon Stones " fall almost flat ; but one would 
 like to be initiated into the mysteries of u gleek," 
 "carousal," and "keel." which are gravely as- 
 serted to be " Games." Among " Chivalry 
 Orders " one has a glimmering of what is in- 
 tended by "Saint Michaelmas" and "Very- 
 
vi. Introduction. 
 
 Merit " ; but under the heading of " Degrees," 
 although by a slight exercise of the imagina- 
 tion we can picture to ourselves " a quater mas- 
 ter," " a general to galeries," or even a " vessel 
 captain," we are entirely nonplussed by " a 
 harbinger " and " a parapet." 
 
 Passing on to " Familiar Phrases," most of 
 which appear to be old friends with new faces, 
 Senhor Carolino's literal cribs from the French 
 become more and more apparent, in spite of 
 his boast in the Preface of being " clean of gal- 
 licisms and despoiled phrases." "Apply you 
 at the study during that you are young" is 
 doubtless an excellent precept, and as he re- 
 marks further on "How do you can it to 
 deny " ; but study may be misdirected, and in 
 the moral, no less than in the material world, it 
 is useful to know " That are the dishes whom 
 
Introduction. vii. 
 
 you must be and to abstain H ; while the mean- 
 ing of " This girl have a beauty edge " is 
 scarcely clear unless it relates to the preternat- 
 ural acuteness of the fair sex in these days of 
 board schools and woman's rights. 
 
 Further on the conversationalist appears to 
 get into rough company, and we find him re- 
 marking " He laughs at my nose, he jest by 
 me," gallic6 " II* me rit au nez y il se moque de 
 moi" ; " He has me take out my hairs," " He 
 does me some kicks," " He has scratch the face 
 with hers nails," all doubtless painfully trans- 
 lated with the assistance of a French-English 
 dictionary from "// via arrache' les cheveux" 
 " // me donne des coups-dc-picd," " // ma lacere' la 
 figure de ses ongles." It is noticeable that our 
 instructor as a rule endeavours to make the 
 possessive pronoun agree with the substantive 
 
viii. Introduction. 
 
 in number and gender in orthodox Portuguese 
 fashion, and that like a true grammatical pa- 
 triot he insists upon the substantive having the 
 same gender as in his native tongue ; therefore 
 " as unhas " must be rendered " hers nails " and 
 " vdssas civilidddes " " yours civilities." By this 
 time no one will be disposed to contradict our 
 inimitable Pedro when he remarks " E f actio" 
 giving the translation as " He has the word for 
 to laugh," a construction bearing a suspicious 
 resemblance to " // a le mot pour rire." " He 
 do the devil at four" has no reference to an 
 artful scheme for circumventing the Archfiend 
 at a stated hour, but is merely a simulacrum of 
 the well-known gallic idiomatic expression " // 
 fait le diable a quatre" Truly this is excellent 
 fooling ; Punch in his wildest humour, backed 
 by the whole colony of Leicester Square, could 
 
Introduction. ix. 
 
 not produce funnier English. " He burns one's 
 self the brains," " He was fighted in duel," 
 " They fight one's selfs together," " He do want 
 to fall," would be more intelligible if less pic- 
 turesque in their original form of " 7/ se brille la 
 cervelle" " II sest battu e?i duel" " lis se bat tent 
 ensemble" " II manque de tomber." The comic 
 vein running through the " Familiar Phrases " 
 is so inexhaustible that space forbids further 
 quotation from this portion of the book, which 
 may be appropriately closed with " Help to a 
 little most the better yours terms," a mysteri- 
 ous adjuration, which a reference to the origi- 
 nal Portuguese leads one to suppose may be 
 a daring guess at " Choisissez un peu mieux vos 
 paroles," 
 
 In the second part, entitled " Familiar Dia- 
 
 logues," the fun grows fast and furious. Let 
 
 2 
 
X. Introduction, 
 
 us accompany our mad wag upon " The walk." 
 "You hear the bird's gurgling?" he enquires, 
 and then rapturously exclaims " Which pleas- 
 ure ! which charm ! The field has by me a 
 thousand charms " ; after this, to the question 
 " Are you hunter ? will you go to the hunting 
 in one day this week ? " he responds " Willing- 
 ly ; I have not a most pleasure in the world. 
 There is some game on they cantons." Pro- 
 ceeding from "game" to "gaming" we soon 
 run aground upon the word "jeu," which as 
 we know does duty in French both for a game 
 and a pack of cards. " At what pack will you 
 that we does play ? " " To the cards." Of 
 course this is " A quel jeu voulez vous que nous 
 jouions?" " Aux cartes;" and further on 
 " This time I have a great deal pack," " Cette 
 foisj'ai unjeu excellent" 
 
Introduction, xi. 
 
 Now let us listen to our friend at his tailor's : 
 his greeting is perky — almost slangy. " Can 
 you do me a coat ? " he enquires, but quickly 
 drivels down to " What cloth will you do to? " 
 and then to the question " What will you to 
 double (doubter) the coat ? " obtains the satisfac- 
 tory answer " From something of duration. I 
 believe to you that." After requesting to have 
 his garment " The rather that be possible," he 
 overwhelms the procrastinating man of cloth 
 with the stern remark " You have me done to 
 expect too," evidently a bold version of " Vous 
 m avez fait trop attendre" which draws forth 
 the natural excuse " I did can't to come 
 rather." Passing by a number of good things 
 which one would like to analyse if space 
 permitted, we arrive at " For to ride a horse," 
 a fine little bit of word painting almost Car- 
 
xii. Introduction. 
 
 lylean in its grotesqueness. " Here is a horse 
 who have a bad looks. He not sail know to 
 march, he is pursy, he is foundered. Don't 
 you are ashamed to give me a jade as 
 like ? he is undshoed, he is with nails up ; 
 it want to lead to the farrier." " Let us prick 
 (piquons) go us more fast, never I was seen 
 a so much bad beast; she will not nor to 
 bring forward neither put back." "Strek 
 him the bridle," cries the horsedealer, " Hold 
 him the rein sharters." " Pique stron gly, 
 make to marsh him." " I have pricked him 
 enough. But I can't to make marsh him," re- 
 plies the indignant client. " Go down, I shall 
 make marsh," declares the dealer; upon which 
 the incensed equestrian rejoins " Take care that 
 he not give you a foot kicks," and the " coper " 
 sardonically but somewhat incoherently con- 
 
Introduction, xiii. 
 
 eludes with "Then he kicks for that I look? 
 Sook here if I knew to tame hix." 
 
 After the " Familiar Dialogues " we come 
 upon a series of letters from celebrated person- 
 ages, who would be puzzled to recognize them- 
 selves in their new dresses ; and a collection of 
 anecdotes which may be taken singly after din- 
 ner as a gentle promoter of digestion ; the 
 whole being appropriately concluded with " Id- 
 iotisms and Proverbs," between which it must 
 be confessed the distinction is purely imagi- 
 nary ; the following are a few gems : " Its are 
 some blu stories " (contes bleus); " Nothing some 
 money, nothing some Swiss," " He sin in trouble 
 water " (confusion of pdcher and pecker). " A 
 horse baared don't look him the tooth," " The 
 stone as roll not heap up not foam," mousse 
 meaning both foam and moss, of course the 
 
xiv. Introduction. 
 
 wrong meaning is essential to a good " idiot- 
 ism." " To force to forge, becomes smith " (a 
 force de forger on devient forger on). " To craunch 
 the marmoset " and " To fatten the foot " may 
 terminate the list, and are incontestably more 
 idiotic, although scarcely so idiomatic as " Cro- 
 quer le marmot''' and " Graisser la patte." 
 
 The column in Portuguese which runs 
 throughout the original work is omitted, and 
 only a sufficient number of the English extracts 
 are culled to enable the reader to form a just 
 idea of the unintentionally humorous style that 
 an author may fall into who attempts to follow 
 the intricacies of " English as she is spoke " by 
 the aid of a French dictionary and a phrase- 
 book. 
 
 It is to be trusted the eccentric " Guide " to 
 which this short sketch is intended to serve as 
 
Introduction. xv. 
 
 Introduction — and, so far as may be, elucida- 
 tion — is not a fair specimen of Portuguese or 
 Brazilian educational literature ; if such be the 
 case the schoolmaster is indeed " abroad," and 
 one may justly fear that his instruction — to 
 quote once more the Preface — " only will be 
 for to accustom the Portuguese pupils, or for- 
 eign, to speak very bad any of the mentioned 
 idioms." 
 
English as she is spoke. 
 
 I 
 
 
 
 uSISBSSoKfiBttS 
 
 Preface. 
 
 [AUTHOR'S.] 
 
 >y CHOICE of familiar dialogues, 
 -*2 *:/<?#;£ of gallicisms, and despoiled 
 phrases, it was missing yet to studious 
 Portuguese and brazilian Youth ; a?id 
 also to persons of others nations, that 
 wish to know the Portuguese language. 
 We sought all we may do, to correct that 
 
English as she is spoke. 
 
 want, composing and divising the present 
 little work in two parts. The first in- 
 cludes a greatest vocabulary proper names 
 by alphabetical order ; and the second forty 
 three Dialogues adapted to the usual pre- 
 cisions of the life. For that reason we 
 did put, with a scrupulous exactness, a 
 great variety own expressions to english 
 and Portuguese idioms ; without to attach 
 us selves (as make some others) almost at 
 a literal translation; translation what 
 only will be for to accustom the Portu- 
 guese pupils, or-foreign, to speak very bad 
 any of the mentioned idioms. 
 
 We were increasing this second edition 
 with a phraseology, in the first part, and 
 
English as she is spoke. 
 
 some familiar letters, anecdotes, idiotisms, 
 proverbs, and to second a coins index. 
 
 The Works which we were confering 
 for this labour, fond use us for nothing ; 
 but those what were publishing to Portugal, 
 or out, they were almost all composed for 
 some foreign, or for some national little 
 acquainted in the spirit of both languages. 
 It was resulting from that corelessness to 
 rest these Works fill of imperfections, and 
 anomalies of style ; in spite of the infinite 
 typographical faults which some times, 
 invert the sense of the periods. It increase 
 not to cojitain any of those Works the 
 figured pronunciation of the english 
 words, nor the prosodical accent in the 
 
English as she is spoke. 
 
 Portuguese; indispensable object whom 
 wish to speak the english and Portuguese 
 languages correctly. 
 
 We expect then, who the little book (/or 
 the care what we wrote him, and for her 
 typographical correction) that may be 
 worth the acceptation of the studious 
 persons, and especially of the Youth, at 
 which we dedicate hint particularly. 
 
English as she is spoke. 
 
 English as she is spoke. 
 
 Of the Man. 
 
 The brain 
 The brains 
 The fat of the leg 
 The ham 
 
 The inferior lip 
 The superior lip 
 The marrow 
 The reins 
 
 Defects of the body. 
 
 A blind A left handed 
 
 A lame An ugly 
 
 A bald A squint-eyed 
 
 A deaf 
 
English as she is spoke. 
 
 Degrees of kindred. 
 
 The gossip 
 
 The gossip mistress 
 
 The nurse 
 
 A relation 
 
 An relation 
 
 The quater-grandfather 
 The quater-grandmother 
 A guardian 
 An guardian 
 A widower 
 
 An widow. 
 
 Trades. 
 
 Starch-maker 
 
 Barber 
 
 Coffeeman 
 
 Porkshop-keeper 
 
 Cartwright 
 
 Tinker, a brasier 
 
 Nailer 
 
 Porter 
 
 Chinaman 
 
 Founder 
 
 Grave-digger 
 
 Tradesman 
 
 Stockingmender 
 
 Lochsmith 
 
English as she is spoke. 
 
 Objects of man. 
 
 The boots 
 The buckles 
 The buttons-holes 
 The buskins 
 The lining 
 
 The clogs 
 The wig 
 
 The morning-gown, 
 night-gown 
 
 Woman objects. 
 
 The busk 
 The sash 
 The cornet 
 The pumps 
 
 The paint or disguise 
 The spindle 
 The patches 
 The skate 
 
 Coochmann 
 Running footman 
 
 Servants. 
 
 Spendth 
 Business-man 
 Groome. 
 
8 
 
 English as she is spoke. 
 
 Diseases. 
 
 The apoplexy 
 The scrofulas 
 The melancholy 
 
 The megrime 
 The whitlow 
 The rheumatisme 
 
 The vomitory. 
 
 Parties a Town. 
 
 The butchery 
 The cause-way 
 The sink 
 
 The low eating house 
 The obelis-ks 
 The prison, geol 
 
 Kitchen utensils. 
 
 The skimming-dish 
 The potlid 
 The pothanger 
 The spunge 
 
 The spark 
 The fire 
 The smoke 
 The clout 
 
 The jack. 
 
English as she is spoke. 
 
 Of the bed. 
 
 The bed wood 
 The bed battom 
 
 The feet's bed 
 The pillar's bed 
 
 The head's bed. 
 
 For the table. 
 
 Some knifes Some groceries 
 
 Some crumb. 
 
 Eatings. 
 
 Some black pudding 
 
 Some sugar-plum 
 
 Some wigs 
 
 A chitterling sausages. 
 
 A dainty-dishes 
 
 A mutton shoulder 
 3 
 
 A little mine 
 
 Hog fat 
 
 Some marchpanes 
 
 An amelet 
 
 A slice, steak [pap 
 
 Vegetables boiled to a 
 
IO 
 
 English as she is spoke. 
 
 Seasonings. 
 
 Some wing 
 Some cinnamon 
 Some oranges 
 
 Some pinions 
 Some hog'slard 
 Some verjuice 
 
 Drinkings. 
 
 Some orgeat Some paltry wine 
 
 Some sirup or sirop 
 
 Quadruped's beasts, 
 
 Lamb 
 
 Roebuck 
 
 Ass 
 
 Dragon 
 
 Shi ass 
 
 Wild sow 
 
 Ass-colt 
 
 Lioness 
 
 Ram, aries 
 
 Dormouse 
 
English as she is spoke. 
 
 ii 
 
 Birds. 
 
 Becafico 
 
 Calander 
 
 Stor 
 
 Yeung turkey 
 
 Heuth-cock 
 Whoop 
 Pea cock 
 Pinch 
 
 Red-breast, a robin. 
 
 Insects-reptiles. 
 
 Asp, aspic 
 Morpion 
 
 Fly 
 I Butter fly 
 Serpent. 
 
 Fishes and shell-fishes. 
 
 Calamary 
 
 Dorado 
 
 A sorte of fish 
 
 Hedge hog 
 
 Large lobster 
 Snail 
 Wolf 
 Torpedo 
 Sea-calf. 
 
12 
 
 English as she is spoke. 
 
 Lote-tree, lotos 
 Chest nut-tree 
 
 Trees. 
 
 Service-tree 
 Jujube-tree 
 
 Linden-tree. 
 
 Anemony 
 Blue-bottle 
 
 Flow 
 
 ers. 
 
 Mil-foils 
 Hink 
 Turnsol. 
 
 Hunting dog 
 Relay dog 
 Hound dog 
 Hound's fee 
 
 Hunting. 
 
 Picker 
 Gun-powder 
 Priming-powder 
 Hunts man. 
 
English as she is spoke. 
 
 13 
 
 Colours. 
 
 White 
 
 Gridelin 
 
 Cray Musk 
 
 Red. 
 
 Metals and minerals. 
 
 Starch 
 
 Latten 
 
 Cooper 
 
 Vitr 
 
 Plaster 
 iole. 
 
 Common stones. 
 
 Loadstones 
 
 White lead 
 
 Brick 
 
 Gum-stone 
 
 Weights. 
 
 Counterpoise 
 A pound an half 
 
 An obole 
 
 A quater ounce. 
 
H 
 
 English as she is spoke. 
 
 Games. 
 
 Foot-ball 
 Bar 
 Gleek 
 Carousal 
 
 Pile 
 
 Mall 
 
 Even or non even 
 
 Keel 
 
 Perfumes. 
 
 Benzoin 
 Perfume paw 
 
 Pomatum 
 Storax 
 
 On the church. 
 
 The sides of the nef 
 The holywater-pot 
 
 The little cellar 
 
 The boby of the church 
 
 Solemn-feasts. 
 
 The Deads-day 
 The Twelfth-day 
 
 The Vigil 
 The Visitation 
 
English as she is spoke. 
 
 15 
 
 Ecclesiastical dignities. 
 
 Incumbent 
 Canon 
 Canoness 
 Chanter, a clerk 
 
 General of a order 
 Penitentiary 
 Theologist 
 General curate 
 
 Chivalry orders. 
 
 Black eagle 
 Avis, advice 
 Calatrava 
 
 A cannoneer 
 A vessel captain 
 A harbinger 
 A parapet 
 A army general 
 
 Elephant 
 Honour Legion 
 Saint Michaelmas 
 Very-merit. 
 
 Degrees. 
 
 A general to galeries 
 A great admiral 
 A king a lieutenant 
 A quater master 
 A vice admiral's ship 
 
i6 
 
 English as she is spoke. 
 
 Military objects. 
 
 The bait. 
 An arquebuse 
 A bandoleer 
 
 The fire pan 
 A bomb ketch 
 The military case 
 
 A fusil, a gun. 
 
 Music's instruments. 
 
 A flagelet 
 
 A dreum 
 A hurdy-gurdy. 
 
 Chastisements. 
 
 A fine 
 Honourable fine 
 
 To break upon 
 
 To tear off the flesh 
 
 To draw to four horses. 
 
English as she is spoke. 
 
 '7 
 
 Familiar Phrases. 
 
 Go to send for. 
 
 Have you say that ? 
 
 Have you understand that he says ? 
 
 At what purpose have say so ? 
 
 Put your confidence at my. 
 
 At what o'clock dine him ? 
 
 Apply you at the study during that you are 
 
 young. 
 Dress your hairs. 
 Sing an area. 
 These apricots and these peaches make me and 
 
 to come water in mouth. 
 
1 8 English as she is spoke. 
 
 How do you can it to deny ? 
 
 Wax my shoes. 
 
 That is that I have think. 
 
 That are the dishes whose you must be and to 
 
 abstain. 
 This meat ist not too over do. 
 This ink is white. 
 This room is filled of bugs. 
 This girl have a beauty edge. 
 It is a noise which to cleave the head. 
 This wood is fill of thief's. 
 Tell me, it can one to know? 
 Give me some good milk newly get out. 
 To morrow hi shall be entirely (her master) or 
 
 unoccupied. 
 She do not that to talk and to cackle. 
 Dry this wine. 
 
 He laughs at my nose, he jest by me. 
 He has spit in my coat. 
 He has me take out my hairs. 
 He does me some kicks. 
 
English as she is spoke, 19 
 
 He has scratch the face with hers nails. 
 
 He burns one's self the brains. 
 
 He is valuable his weight's gold. 
 
 He has the word for to laugh. 
 
 He do the devil at four. 
 
 He make to weep the room. 
 
 He was fighted in duel. 
 
 They fight one's selfs together. 
 
 He do want to fall. 
 
 It must never to laugh of the unhappies. 
 
 He was wanting to be killed. 
 
 I am confused all yours civilities. 
 
 I am catched cold. 
 
 I not make what to coughand spit. 
 
 Never I have feeld a such heat. 
 
 Till say-us ? 
 
 Till hither. 
 
 I have put my stockings outward. 
 
 I have croped the candle. 
 
 I have mind to vomit. 
 
 I will not to sleep on street. 
 
20 English as she is spoke. 
 
 I am catched cold in the brain. 
 
 I am pinking me with a pin. 
 
 I dead myself in envy to see her. 
 
 I take a broth all morning. 
 
 I shall not tell you than two woods. 
 
 Have you understanded ? 
 
 Let him have know ? 
 
 Have you understand they ? 
 
 Do you know they ? 
 
 Do you know they to ? 
 
 The storm is go over. 
 
 The sun begins to dissipe it. 
 
 Witch prefer you ? 
 
 The paving stone is sliphery. 
 
 The thunderbolt is falling down. 
 
 The rose-trees begins to button. 
 
 The ears are too length. 
 
 The hands itch at him. 
 
 Have you forgeted me ? 
 
 Lay him hir apron. 
 
 Help-to a little most the better yours terms. 
 
English as she is spoke. 21 
 
 Dont you are awaken yet ? 
 
 That should must me to cost my life. 
 
 We are in the canicule. 
 
 No budge you there. 
 
 Do not might one's understand to speak. 
 
 Where are their stockings, their shoes, her shirt 
 
 and her petlicot ? 
 One's can to believe you ? 
 One's find-modest the young men rarely. 
 If can't to please at every one's. 
 Take that boy and whip him to much. 
 Take attention to cut you self. 
 Take care to dirt you self. 
 Dress my horse. 
 
 Since you not go out, I shall go out nor I neither. 
 That may dead if I lie you. 
 What is it who want you ? 
 Why you no helps me to ? 
 Upon my live. 
 
 All trees have very deal bear. 
 A throat's ill. 
 
\ 
 
 22 English as she is spoke. 
 
 You shall catch cold one's. 
 
 You make grins. 
 
 Will some mutton? 
 
 Will you fat or slight? 
 
 Will you this ? 
 
 Will you a bon ? 
 
 You not make who to babble. 
 
 You not make that to prate all day's work. 
 
 You interompt me. 
 
 You mistake you self heavily. 
 
 You come too rare. 
 
 End First Parts 
 
English as she is spoke. 
 
 23 
 
 Familiar Dialogues 
 
 For to wish the good morning. 
 
 How does your father do ? 
 He is very well. 
 
 I am very delight of it. Were is it ? 
 I shall come back soon, I was no came that to 
 know how you are. 
 
 For make a visit in the morning. 
 
 Is your master at home ? 
 Yes, sir. 
 Is it up. 
 
24 English as she is spoke. 
 
 No, sir, he sleep yet. 
 
 I go make that he get up. 
 
 It come in one's ? How is it, you are in bed yet ? 
 
 Yesterday at evening, I was to bed so late that 
 
 I may not rising me soon that morning. 
 Well ! what you have done after the supper ? 
 We have sung, danced, laugh and played. 
 What game ? 
 To the picket. 
 
 Whom I am sorry do not have know it ! 
 Who have prevailed upon ? 
 I had gained ten lewis. 
 Till at what o'clock its had play one ? 
 Un till two o'clock after mid night. 
 At what o'clock are you go to bed. 
 Half pass three. 
 
 I am no astonished if you get up so late. 
 What o'clock is it ? 
 What o'clock you think is it ? 
 I think is not yet eight o'clock. 
 How is that, eight 'clock ! it is ten 'clock struck. 
 
English as she is spoke. 25 
 
 It must then what I rise me quickly.. 
 
 Adieu, my deer, I leave you. If can to see 
 
 you at six clock to the hotel from ***, we 
 
 swill dine togetter. 
 Willingly. Good by. 
 
 For to dress him self. 
 
 John, make haste, lighted the fire and dress-me. 
 
 Give me my shirt. 
 
 There is it sir. 
 
 Is it no hot, it is too cold yet. 
 
 If you like, I will hot it. 
 
 No, no, bring me my silk stocking's. 
 
 Its are make holes. 
 
 Make its a point, or make to mend them. 
 
 Comb me, take another comb. Give me my 
 
 handkarchief. 
 There is a clean, sir. 
 What coat dress you to day ? 
 Those that I had yesterday. 
 The tailor do owe to bring soon that of cloth. 
 
26 English as she is spoke. 
 
 Have you wexed my shoes ? 
 I go wex its now. 
 
 It must that I may wash my hands, the mouth 
 and my face. 
 
 c the walk. 
 
 Will you and take a walk with me ? 
 
 Wait for that the warm be out. 
 
 Go through that meadow. Who the country 
 
 is beautiful ! who the trees are thick ! 
 Take the bloom's perfume. 
 It seems me that the corn does push alredy. 
 You hear the bird's gurgling ? 
 Which pleasure ! which charm ! 
 The field has by me a thousand charms. 
 Are you hunter ? will you go to the hunting in 
 
 one day this week ? 
 Willingly ; I have not a most pleasure in the 
 
 world. There is some game on they 
 
 cantons ? 
 We have done a great walk. 
 
English as she is spoke. 27 
 
 tfhe weather. 
 
 We shall have a fine weather to day. 
 
 There is some foggy. 
 
 I fear of the thunderbolt. 
 
 The sun rise on. 
 
 The sun lie down. 
 
 It is light moon's. 
 
 For to write. 
 
 It is to day courier day's ; I have a letter to write. 
 
 At which does you write ? 
 
 Is not that ? look one is that. 
 
 This letter is arrears. 
 
 It shall stay to the post. This pen are good 
 for notting. During I finish that letter, 
 do me the goodness to seal this packet ; it 
 is by my cousin. 
 
 How is the day of month ? 
 
 The two, the three, the four, etc. 
 
 That is some letter to me. 
 
 Go to bear they letter to the post. 
 
28 English as she is spoke. 
 
 tfhe gaming. 
 
 Do you like the gaming ? 
 
 At what pack will you that we does play ? 
 
 To the cards. 
 
 Waiter, give us a card's game. 
 
 What is the trump ? 
 
 The club's king. 
 
 Play, if you please. 
 
 The heart's aces. 
 
 We do ought. 
 
 This time I have a great deal pack. 
 
 With the tailor. 
 
 Can you do me a coat? 
 
 What cloth will you do to ? 
 
 From a stuff what be of season. 
 
 How much wants the ells for coat, waist coat, 
 
 and breeches ? 
 Six ells. 
 
 What will you to double the coat ? 
 From some thing of duration. I believe to you that 
 
English as she is spoke. 29 
 
 When do you bring me my coat ? 
 
 The rather that be possible. 
 
 Bring you my coat? 
 
 Yes, sir, there is it. 
 
 You have me done to expect too. 
 
 I did can't to come rather. 
 
 It don't are finished ? 
 
 The lining war not sewd. 
 
 It is so that do one's now. 
 
 Button me. 
 
 It pinches me too much upon stomack. 
 
 The sleeves have not them great deal wideness ? 
 
 No, sir, they are well. 
 
 With a hair dresser. 
 
 Your razors, are them well ? 
 
 Yes, Sir. 
 
 Comb-me quickly ; don't put me so much po- 
 matum. What news tell me? all hairs 
 dresser are newsmonger. 
 
 Sir, I have no hearcd any thing. 
 
3° 
 
 English as she is spoke. 
 
 For to breakfast. 
 
 John bring us some thing for to breakfast. 
 Yes, Sir ; there is some sousages. Will you 
 
 than I bring the ham ? 
 Yes, bring-him, we will cup a steak put a nappe 
 
 clothe upon this table. 
 I you do not eat? 
 How you like the tea. 
 It is excellent. 
 Still a not her cup. 
 
 For to ask some news. 
 
 It is true what is told of master M*** ? 
 Then what is told of him ? 
 I have heard that he is hurt mortally. 
 I shall be sowow of it, because he is a honestman. 
 Which have wounden him ? 
 Do know it why ? 
 
 The noise run that is by to have given a box 
 on the ear to a of them. 
 
English as she is spoke. 31 
 
 For to buy. 
 
 I won't have a good and fine cloth to make a 
 
 coat. 
 How much do you sell it the ell? 
 We thout overcharge you from a halfpenny, it 
 
 cost twenty franks. 
 Sir, I am not accustomed to cheapen : tell me 
 
 the last price. 
 I have told you, sir, it is valuable in that. 
 It is too much dear, I give at it, eighteen franks. 
 You shall not have what you have wished. 
 You did beg me my last word, I told you them. 
 Well, well, cut them two ells. 
 Don't you will not more ? 
 No, at present. 
 
 For to dine. 
 
 Go to dine, the dinner is ready. 
 Cut some bread ; here is it, I don't know that 
 boiled meat is good. 
 
32 English as she is spoke. 
 
 Gentilman, will you have some beans ? 
 
 Peter, uncork a Porto wine bottle. 
 
 Sir, what will you to ? 
 
 Some pears, and apples, what wilt you ? 
 
 Taste us rather that liquor, it is good for the 
 
 stomach. 
 I am too much obliged to you, is done. 
 
 For to speak french. 
 
 How is the french ? Are you too learned now ? 
 I could to tell some word's that I know by 
 
 heart. 
 Not apprehend you, the french language is not 
 
 difficult. 
 I know it, and she have great deal of agree- 
 
 ableness. Who I would be. If I was know 
 
 it! 
 It must to study for to learn it. How long 
 
 there is it what you learn it ? 
 It is not yet a month. 
 How is called your master ? 
 
English as she is spoke. 33 
 
 It is called N*** 
 
 I know him it is long ; he has teached a many 
 
 of my friends. Don't he tell you that it 
 
 must to speak french ? 
 
 For to see the town. 
 
 Anthony, go to accompany they gentilsmen, 
 
 do they see the town. 
 We won't to see all that is it remarquable here. 
 Admire this master piece gothic architecture's. 
 The chasing of all they figures is astonishing 
 
 indeed. 
 The streets are very layed out by line and too 
 
 paved. 
 There is it also hospitals here ? 
 It not fail them. 
 What are then the edifices the worthest to have 
 
 seen? 
 It is the arsnehal, the spectacle's hall, the cu- 
 
 siom-house and the Purse. 
 
34 
 
 English as she is spoke. 
 
 We are going too see the others monuments 
 such that the public pawnbroker's office, 
 the plants garden's the money office's, the 
 library. 
 
 3i inform one' self of a person. 
 
 How is that gentilman who you did speak by 
 and by. 
 
 Is a German. 
 
 Tongh he is German, he speak so much well 
 italyan, french, Spanish, and english, that 
 among the Italyans, they believe him Ital- 
 yan, he speak the frenche as the Frenches 
 himselves. The Spanishesmen belie ve 
 him Spanishing, and the Englishes, Englis- 
 man. 
 
 It is difficult to enjoy well so much several lan- 
 gages. 
 
 For to ride a horse. 
 
 Here is a horse who have a bad looks. Give 
 me another ; I will not that. He not sail 
 
English as she is spoke. 35 
 
 know to march, he is pursy, he is foun- 
 dered. Don't you are ashamed to give me 
 a jade as like ? he is undshoed, he is with 
 nails up ; it want to lead to the farrier. 
 
 Your pistols are its loads ? 
 
 No; I forgot to buy gun-powder and balls. 
 Let us prick. Go us more fast never I 
 was seen a so much bad beast; she will 
 not nor to bring forward neither put back. 
 
 Strek him the bridle, hold him the reins shart- 
 ers. Pique stron gly, make to marsh him. 
 
 I have pricked him enough. But I can't to 
 make march him. 
 
 Go down, I shall make march. 
 
 Take care that he not give you a foot kick's. 
 
 Then he kicks for that I look ? Sook here if I 
 knew to tame hix. 
 
 With a watch maker. 
 
 I bring you a watch that want to be ordered. 
 I had the misfortune to leave fall down the in- 
 
36 English as she is spoke. 
 
 stant where I did mounted, it must to put 
 
 again a glass. 
 I want not a pendulum? I have them here 
 
 some very good. 
 Don't you live me her proof againts ? I shall 
 
 not accept that this condition. 
 
 For to visit a sick. 
 
 How have you passed the night ? 
 
 Very bad. I have not sleeped ; I have had the 
 
 fever during all night. I fell some pain 
 
 every where body. 
 Live me see your tongue. Have you pain to 
 
 the heart? 
 Are you altered ? 
 Yes, I have thursty often. 
 Your stat have nothing from lrouble some. 
 What I may to eat? 
 You can take a broth. 
 Can I to get up my self? 
 Yes, during a hour or two. 
 
English as she is spoke. t>7 
 
 Let me have another thing to do ? 
 Take care to hold you warme ly, and in two or 
 three days you shall be cured. 
 
 For to travel. 
 
 Where you go so ? 
 
 I am going to Cadiz. 
 
 Have you already arrested a coach ? 
 
 Yes, sir, and very cheap. 
 
 There is it some danger on the highway ? 
 
 It is not spoken that. 
 
 They speak not that may have some robbers 
 
 on the woods ? 
 It have nothing to fear, or in day neither the 
 
 night. 
 Don't we does pass for a*** ? 
 No, sir, they leave it to left. 
 Let us take patience, still some o'clock, and we 
 
 shall be in the end of our voyage. 
 
38 English as she is spoke, 
 
 With a inn keeper. 
 
 What you give us for to take supper. 
 
 Gentlemen, what you will have. 
 
 Give us a pigeon couple, a piece of ham and a 
 
 salad. 
 What have us expended ? 
 The accout mount in little the supper, the bed and 
 
 the breakfast, shall get up at thirty franks. 
 
 From the house-keeping. 
 
 I don't know more what I won't with they ser- 
 vants. 
 
 I tell the same, it is not more some good ser- 
 vants. Any one take care to sweep neither 
 to make fire at what I may be up. 
 
 How the times are changed ! Anciently I had 
 some servants who were divine my thought. 
 The duty was done at the instant, all things 
 were cleanly hold one may look on the fur- 
 nitures now as you do see. It is too differ- 
 
English as she is spoke, 39 
 
 ent, whole is covered from dust ; the pier- 
 glasses side-boards, the pantries, the chests 
 of drawers, the walls selves, are changed 
 of colours. 
 
 Believe me, send again whole the people ; I 
 take upon my self to find you some good 
 servants for to succeed them. 
 
 Ah ! what I shall be oblige to you of it ! 
 
 For the comedy. 
 
 Were you go to the theatre yesterday ? 
 
 Yes, sir ; I won't to see the new play in which 
 did owed to play and actress which has 
 not appeared on any theatre. 
 
 How you think her? 
 
 She has very much grace in the deeds great deal 
 of exactness on the declamation, a constitu- 
 tion very agreable, and a delightful voice. 
 
 What you say of the comedy ? Have her suc- 
 ceded ? It was a drama ; it was whistted 
 to the third scene of the last act. 
 
40 English as she is spoke. 
 
 Because that ? 
 
 It whant the vehicle, and the intrigue it was 
 
 bad conducted. 
 So that they won't waited even the upshot ? 
 No, it was divined. In the mean time them did 
 
 diliver justice to the plavers which gener- 
 
 aly have play very well. 
 At the exception by a one's self, who had land 
 
 very much hir's part. 
 It want to have not any indulgence towards the 
 
 bat buffoons. 
 Have you seen already the new tragedy ? They 
 
 praise her very much. 
 It is multitude already. 
 Never I had seen the parlour so full. 
 This actor he make very well her part. 
 That piece is full of interest. 
 It have wondered the spectadors. 
 The curtains let down. 
 Go out us. 
 
English as she is spoke. 41 
 
 tfhe hunting. 
 
 There is it some game in this wood ? 
 Another time there was plenty some black 
 
 beasts and thin game, but the poachers 
 
 have killed almost all. 
 Look a hare who run ! let do him to pursue 
 
 for the hounds! it go one's self in the 
 
 ploughed land. 
 Here that it rouse. Let aim it ! let make fire him ! 
 I have put down killed. 
 Me, I have failed it ; my gun have miss fixe. 
 1 see a hind. 
 
 Let leave to pass away, don't disturte it. 
 I have heard that it is plenty pardridges this year. 
 Have you killed also some thrushes. 
 Here certainly a very good hunting. 
 
 tfke fishing. 
 
 That pond it seems me many multiplied of 
 fishes. Let us amuse rather to the fishing. 
 
42 English as she is spoke. 
 
 I do like-it too much. 
 
 Here, there is a wand and some hooks. 
 
 Silence ! there is a superb perch ! Give me 
 
 quick the rod. Ah ! there is, it is a lamprey. 
 You mistake you, it is a frog ! dip again it in 
 
 the water. 
 
 With a furniture tradesman. 
 
 It seems no me new. 
 Pardon me, it comes workman's hands. 
 Which hightness want you its ? 
 I want almost four feet six thumbs wide's, over 
 seven of long. 
 
 For embarking one's self. 
 
 Don't you fear the privateers ! 
 
 I jest of them ; my vessel is armed in man of war, 
 I have a vigilant and courageous equipage, 
 and the ammunitions don't want me its. 
 
 Never have you not done wreck? 
 
 That it is arrived me twice. 
 
English as she is spoke. 43 
 
 IVith a gardener. 
 
 Shall I eat some plums soon ? 
 
 It is not the season yet; but here is some 
 
 peaches what does ripen at the eye sight. 
 It delay me to eat some wal nuts-kernels ; take 
 
 care not leave to pass the season. 
 Be tranquil, 1 shall throw you any nuts during 
 
 the shell is green yet. 
 The artichoks grow its ? 
 I have a particular care of its, because I know 
 
 you like the bottoms. 
 It must to cup the trees. 
 It should pull the bad grasses up. 
 
 ^the books and of the reading. 
 
 Do you like the reading good deal too many 
 
 which seem me ? 
 That is to me a amusement. 
 
44 English as she is spoke. 
 
 'the field. 
 
 All the fields that you see thither were been 
 
 neglected ; it must I shall grub up and to 
 
 plough its. 
 The ground seems me a little scour with sand 
 
 and yet it may one make it bring up ; I 
 
 want be fumed time by time. 
 
 The writing. 
 
 Your pens have any notches, and its spit. 
 How do you like its ? will you its are fine or broad ? 
 I won't me also a wafer or some sealing wax 
 
 and a seal. 
 In this drawer, there is all that, f aiding stick, 
 
 rule, scraper, saud, etc. 
 There is the postman I go to put it him again. 
 
 With a bookseller. 
 
 What is there in new's litterature? 
 Little or almost nothing, it not appears any 
 thing of note. 
 
English as she is spoke. 45 
 
 And yet one imprint many deal. 
 
 But why, you and another book seller, you 
 does not to imprint some good wooks ? 
 
 There is a reason for that, it is that you cannot 
 to sell its. The actual-liking of the public 
 is depraved they does not read who for to 
 amuse one's self ant but to instruct one's. 
 
 But the letter's men who cultivate the arts and the 
 sciences they can't to pass without the books. 
 
 A little learneds are happies enough for to may 
 to satisfy their fancies on the literature. 
 
 Have you found the Buff on who I had call for ? 
 
 I have only been able to procure the octo- 
 decimo edition, which is embellished with 
 plates beautifully coloured. 
 
 With a dentist. 
 
 I have the teetht-ache. 
 Is it a fluxion, or have you a bad tooth ? 
 I think that is a bad tooth ; please you to ex- 
 amine my mouth ? 
 
46 English as she is spoke. 
 
 You have a bad tooth ; will you pull out this tooth ? 
 
 I can't to decide me it, that make me many 
 great deal pain. 
 
 Your tooth is absolutely roted ; if you leave it ; 
 shall spoil the others. 
 
 In such case draw it. 
 
 I shall you neat also your mouth, and you 
 could care entertain it clean, for to pre- 
 serve the mamel of the teeth ; I could give 
 you a opiate for to strengthen the gums. 
 
 I thank you ; I prefer the only means, which is 
 to rinse the mouth with some water, or a 
 little brandy. 
 
 With a laundress. 
 
 Who lhat be too washed, too many soaped, and 
 
 the shirts put through the buck. 
 You may be sure ; never I do else. 
 
 For to swim. 
 I row upon the belly on the back and between 
 two waters. 
 
English as she is spoke. 47 
 
 I am not so dexte rous that you. 
 Nothing is more easy than to swim ; it do not 
 what don't to be afraid of. 
 
 'the french language. 
 
 Do you study ? 
 
 Yes, sir, I attempts to translate of french by 
 
 Portuguese. 
 Do you know already the principal grammars 
 
 rules? 
 I am appleed my self at to learn its by heart. 
 Do speak french alwais ? 
 Some times ; though I flay it yet. 
 You jest, you does express you self very well. 
 
4 8 
 
 English as she is spoke. 
 
 Familiar Letters. 
 
 Racine to M. VitarU 
 
 My uncle what will to treat her beshop in 
 a great sumptuouness, he was go Avignon for 
 to buy what one not should find there, and he 
 had leave me the charge to provide all things. 
 I have excellent business, as you see, and I 
 know some thing more than to eat my soup, 
 since I know do to prepare it. I did learn that 
 it must give to the first, to second, and to the 
 third service, by dishes that want to join, and 
 yet some thing more ; because we does pretend 
 make a feast at four services without to ac- 
 count the dessert. 
 
 Good bye, my dear sir, etc. 
 
English as she is spoke. 49 
 
 Mothe to the duchess of the Maine. 
 
 My lady, I have a complaint to present you. 
 So much happy that might be one's self, one 
 have not all theirs eases in this world. Your 
 letters are shortest. You have plaied wonder- 
 fully all sentiments ; less her prattle, etc. 
 
 Montesquieu to the abbot Nicolini. 
 
 Allow me, my dear abbot, who I remind me 
 of your friendship. I recommend you M. of 
 the Condamine. I shall tell you nothing, else 
 he is a of my friends. Her great celebrity may 
 tell you from others things, and her presence 
 will say you the remains. My dear abbot, I 
 will love you even the death. 
 
 00600 
 
5o 
 
 English, as she is spoke. 
 
 Anecdotes. 
 
 Cuttler, a very rich man too many avari- 
 cious, commonly he was travel at a horse, and 
 single for to avoid all expenses. In the even- 
 ing at to arrive at the inn did feign to be in- 
 dispose, to the end that one bring him the sup- 
 per. He did ordered to the stable knave to 
 bring in their room some straw, for to put in 
 their boots he made to warm her bed and was 
 go lo sleep. When the servant was draw again, 
 he come up again, and with the straw of their 
 boots, and the candle what was leave him he 
 
English as she is spoke, 51 
 
 made a small fire where he was roast a herring 
 what he did keep of her pocket. He was al- 
 ways the precaution one to provide him self of 
 a small of bread and one bring up a water bot- 
 tle, and thus with a little money. 
 
 A blind did hide five hundred crowns in a 
 corner of their garden ; but a neighbour, which 
 was perceive it, did dig up and took its. The 
 blind not finding more her money, was suspect 
 that might be the robed, but one work for take 
 again it ? He was going find the neighbour, 
 and told him that he came to get him a coun- 
 cil ; than he was a thousand crowns which the 
 half was hided into a sure part and I don't know 
 if want, if to put the remains to the same part. 
 The neighbour was council him so and was 
 hasten to carry back that sum, in the hope 
 soon to draw out a thousand. But the blind 
 
52 English as she is spoke. 
 
 having finded the money, was seized it, having 
 called her neighbour, he told him : " Gossip, 
 the blind saw clearer than this that may have 
 two eyes." 
 
 A man one's was presented at a magistrate 
 which had a considerable library. " What you 
 make?" beg him the magistrate. " I do some 
 books," he was answered. " But any of your 
 books I did not seen its. — I believe it so, was 
 answered the author ; I mak nothing for Paris. 
 From a of my works is imprinted, I send the 
 edition for America ; I don't compose what to 
 colonies." 
 
 One eyed was laied against a man which 
 had good eyes that he saw better than him. 
 The party was accepted. " I had gain, over 
 said the one eyed ; why I see you two eyes, 
 and you not look me who one." 
 
English as she is spoke. 53 
 
 A english lord was in their bed tormented, 
 cruelly of the gout, when was announced him 
 a pretended physician, which had a remedy 
 sure against that illness. " That doctor came 
 in coach or on foot ? " was request the lord. 
 "On foot," was answered him the servant. 
 " Well, was replied the sick, go tell to the 
 knave what go back one's self, because if he 
 was the remedy, which he exalt him self, he 
 should roll a coach at six horses, and I would 
 be send for him my self and to offer him the 
 half part of my lands for to be delivered of my 
 sickness." 
 
 A duchess accused of magic being interro- 
 gated for a commissary extremely unhandsome, 
 this was beg him selve one she had look the 
 devil. " Yes, sir, I did see him, was answer the 
 duchess, and he was like you as two water's 
 drops." 
 
54 English as she is spoke. 
 
 A Lady, which was to dine, chid to her 
 servant that she not had used butter enough. 
 This girl, for to excuse him selve, was bing a 
 little cat on the hand, and told that she came 
 to take him in the crime, finishing to eat the 
 two pounds from butter who remain. The 
 Lady took immediately the cat, was put into 
 the balances it had not weighted that one an 
 half pound. 
 
 A countryman which came through to 
 Paris upon the bridge to the change, not had 
 perceived merchandises in several shops. The 
 curiosity take him, he come near of a exchange 
 desk : — " Sir, had he beg from a look simple, 
 tell me what you sell." The loader though 
 that he may to divert of the personage : — " I 
 sell, was answered him asse's heads." — " Indeed, 
 reply to him the countryman, you make of it a 
 great sale, because it not remains more but one 
 in your shop." 
 
English as she is spoke. 55 
 
 The commander Forbin of Janson, being 
 at a repast with a celebrated Boileau, had un- 
 dertaken to pun him upon her name : — " What 
 name, told him, carry you thither ? Boileau : 
 I would wish better to call me Drink wine." 
 The poet was answered him in the same tune : 
 — " And you, sir, what name have you choice ? 
 Janson : I should prefer to be named John- 
 Meal. The meal don't is valuable better than 
 the furfur?" 
 
 A physician eighty years of age had en- 
 joied of a health unalterable. Theirs friends 
 did him of it compliments every days : " Mister 
 doctor, they said to him, you are admirable 
 man. What you make then for to bear you as 
 well ? — I shall tell you it, gentlemen he was an- 
 swered them, and I exhort you in same time at 
 to follow my exemple. I live of the product 
 of my ordering without take an)* remedy who 
 I command to my sicks." 
 
56 English as she is spoke, 
 
 A countryman was confessed to the parson 
 to have robbed a mutton at a farmer of her 
 neighbourhood. " My friend, told him the con- 
 fessor, it must to return, or you shall not have 
 the absolution. — But repply the villager, I had 
 eated him. — So much worse, told him the pas- 
 tor ; you vili be the devil sharing ; because in 
 the wide vale where me ought to appear we 
 before God every one shall spoken against you, 
 even the mutton. How ! repply the country- 
 man, the mutton will find in that part ? I am 
 very glad of that ; then the restitution shall be 
 easy, since I shall not have to tell to the farm- 
 er : " Neighbour take your mutton again." 
 
 Plato walking one's self a day to the field 
 with some of their friends. They were to see 
 him Diogenes who was in to water untill the 
 chin. The superficies of the water was snowed, 
 for the reserve of the hole that Diogenes was 
 
English as she is spoke. 57 
 
 made. " Don't look it more told them Plato, 
 and he shall get out soon." 
 
 A day came a man consult this philosopher 
 for to know at o'clock it was owe to eat. If 
 thou art rich, told him eat when you shall 
 wish ; if you are poor, when you may do. 
 
 At the middle of a night very dark, a blind 
 was walk in the streets with a light on the hand 
 and a full jar upon the back. Some one which 
 ran do meet him, and surprised of that light : 
 " Simple that you are, told him, what serve you 
 this light? The night and the day are not 
 them the same thing by you ! — It is not for me, 
 was answering the blind, that I bring this light, 
 it is to the and that the giddie swhich seem to 
 you do not come to run against me, and make 
 to break my jar." 
 
58 
 
 English as she is spoke. 
 
 IrC^^SPS 
 
 v v2sr^^ 
 
 
 
 Idiotisms and Proverbs. 
 
 The necessity don't know the low. 
 
 Few, few the bird make her nest. 
 
 He is not valuable to breat that he eat. 
 
 Its are some blu stories. 
 
 Nothing some money, nothing of Swiss. 
 
 He sin in trouble water. 
 
 A bad arrangement is better than a process. 
 
 He has a good beak. 
 
 In the country of blinds, the one eyed men are 
 
 kings. 
 To build castles in Espagnish. 
 
English as she is spoke. 59 
 
 Cat scalded fear the cold water. 
 
 To do the fine spirit. 
 
 With a tongue one go to Roma. 
 
 There is not any rnler without a exception. 
 
 Take out the live coals with the hand of the 
 
 cat. 
 A horse baared don't look him the tooth. 
 Take the occasion for the hairs. 
 To do a wink to some body. 
 So many go the jar to spring, than at last rest 
 
 there. 
 He eat untill to can't more. 
 Which like Bertram, love hir dog. 
 It want to beat the iron during it is hot. 
 He is not so devil as he is black. 
 It is better be single as a bad company. 
 The stone as roll not heap up not foam. 
 They shurt him the doar in face. 
 He has fond the knuckle of the business. 
 He turns as a weath turcocl. 
 There is not better sauce who the appetite. 
 
60 English as she is spoke. 
 
 The pains come at horse and turn one's self at 
 
 foot. 
 He is beggar as a church rat. 
 So much go the jar to spring that at last it 
 
 break there. 
 To force to forge, becomes smith. 
 Keep the chestnut of the fire with the cat foot. 
 Friendship of a child is water into a basket. 
 At some thing the misforte is good. 
 Burn the politeness. 
 Tell me whom thou frequent, I will tell you 
 
 which you are. 
 After the paunch comes the dance. 
 Of the hand to mouth, one lose often the soup. 
 To look for a needle in a hay bundle. 
 To craunch the marmoset. 
 To buy cat in pocket. 
 To be as a fish into the water. 
 To make paps for the cats. 
 To fatten the foot. 
 To come back at their muttons. 
 
T7 nglish as She is Spoke ; 
 
 or, A Jest in Sober Earnest. 
 
 Compiled from the celebrated "New Guide of Con- 
 versation in Portuguese and English." 
 
 "Excruciatingly funny." — London World, 
 
 "Every one who loves a laugh should either buy, beg, bor- 
 row, or — we had almost said steal — the book." — London Fun. 
 
 Square i6mo. Parchment-paper cover. Price, 30 cents. 
 
 T7 nglish as She is Wrote, 
 
 Showing curious ways in which the English Language 
 may be made to convey Ideas or obscure them. 
 
 A Companion to "English as She is Spoke." 
 
 Square i6mo. Parchment-paper cover. Price, 30 cents. 
 
 New York : D. APPLETON & CO., 1, 3, & 5 Bond Street. 
 
Don't: 
 
 A Manual of Mistakes and Impro- 
 prieties more or less prevalent 
 in Conduct and Speech. 
 
 By CENSOR. 
 
 Revised, and with a new chapter addressed 
 expressly to women. 
 
 "Ina condensed form, this little volume gives a great variety of 
 useful hints upon the behavior appropriate at the table, in the draw- 
 ing-room, in public, in speech, in dress, and in general. There are 
 many persons of good instinct and intention who, for want of in- 
 struction in these matters, are continually making mistakes. This 
 work has been prepared by some one who has a keen eye and ear ; 
 he appears anonymously, but his instincts are unerring. The things 
 he forbids under ' Don't ' are such as are offensive to the well-bred, 
 and he will have hearty thanks for putting his commands so artfully 
 before the reader." — School Journal. 
 
 " Finally, we would add on our own account, • Don't fail to read, 
 mark, learn, and inwardly digest this little book, if you would like to 
 remind yourself of some of the things which denote the true spirit of 
 good breeding.' " — The Literary World (Boston). 
 
 Square lGmo. Parchment paper. Uniform with "English 
 as She is Spoke." Price, 30 cents. 
 
 New York : D. APPLETON & CO., x, 3, & 5 Bond Street. 
 
Write and Speak Correctly. 
 
 w ' ■■ — ■ ■ ' - -■■■ - -■■ — ■■ ■ . — , „ i » 
 
 HThe Orthoepist: 
 
 A Pronouncing Manual, containing about Three Thou- 
 sand Five Hundred Words, including a considerable 
 Number of the Names of Foreign Authors, Artists, 
 etc., that are often mispronounced. By Alfred Ayres. 
 Fourteenth edition. i8mo, cloth, extra. Price, $1.00. 
 
 " It gives us pleasure to say that we think the author in the treatment 
 of this very difficult and intricace subject, English pronunciation, gives proof 
 of not only an unusual degree of orthoepical knowledge, but also, for the most 
 part, of rare judgment and taste." — Joseph Thomas, LL. D., in Literary 
 World. 
 
 HThe Verbalist: 
 
 A Manual devoted to Brief Discussions of the Right and 
 the Wrong Use of Words, and to some other Matters 
 of Interest to those who would Speak and Write with 
 Propriety, including a Treatise on Punctuation. By 
 Alfred Ayres, author of "The Orthoepist." Ninth 
 edition. i8mo, cloth, extra. Price, $1.00. 
 
 " We remain shackled by timidity till we have learned to speak with pro- 
 priety." — Johnson. 
 
 New York: D. APPLETON & CO., i, 3, & 5 Bond Street. 
 
'T'he English Grammar 
 
 of William Cobbett. 
 
 Carefully revised and annotated by 
 Alfred Ayres, 
 
 Author of " The Orthoe/zst," "The Verbalist," etc. 
 
 "The only amusing grammar in the world." — HENRY Lyt- 
 ton Bulwer. 
 
 <« 
 
 Interesting as a story-book." — Hazlitt. 
 
 "I know it well, and have read it with great admiration." 
 — Richard Grant White. 
 
 " Cobbett's Grammar is probably the most readable gram- 
 mar ever written. For the purposes of self-education it is un- 
 rivaled." — From, the Preface. 
 
 Mr. Ayres makes a feature of the fact that Who and Which 
 are properly the co-ordinating relative pronouns, and that 
 That is properly the restrictive relative pronoun. 
 
 The Grammar has an Index covering no less than eight 
 pages. 
 
 Uniform with " The Orthoepist " and " The Verbalist. 
 i8mo, cloth. Price, $1.00. 
 
 >> 
 
 New York : D. APPLETON & CO., i, 3, & 5 Bond Street. 
 
TT rrors in the Use of English. 
 
 
 By the late WlLLIAM B. HODGSON, LL. D., 
 
 Professor of Political Economy in the University of 
 Edinburgh. American revised edition. 121110, cloth. 
 Price, $1.50. 
 
 (i 1 
 
 1 The most comprehensive and useful of the many books de- 
 signed to promote correctness in English composition by fur- 
 nishing examples of inaccuracy, is the volume compiled by the 
 late William B. Hodgson, under the title of ' Errors in the Use 
 of English.' The American edition of this treatise, now pub- 
 lished by the Appletons, has been revised, and in many respects 
 materially improved, by Francis A. Teall, who seldom differs 
 from the author without advancing satisfactory reasons for his 
 opinion. The capital merits of this work are that it is founded 
 on actual blunders, verified by chapter and verse reference, and 
 that the breaches of good use to which exception is taken have 
 been committed, not by slipshod, uneducated writers, of whom 
 nothing better could be expected, but by persons distinguished 
 for more than ordinary carefulness in respect to style." — New 
 York Sun. 
 
 New York: D. APPLETON & CO., 1, 3, & 5 Bond Street. 
 
Qocial Etiquette 
 
 of New York. 
 
 CONTENTS : 
 
 The Value of Etiquette ; Introductions ; Solicitations ; 
 Strangers in Towns; Debuts in Society; Visiting, and Vis- 
 iting Cards for Ladies; Card and Visiting Customs for Gen- 
 tlemen; Morning Receptions and Kettle-Drums; Giving 
 and attending Parties, Balls, and Germans ; Dinner-giving 
 and Dining out; Breakfasts, Luncheons, and Suppers; 
 Opera and Theatre Parties, Private Theatricals, and Musi- 
 cales ; Extended Visits ; Customs and Costumes at Thea- 
 tres, Concerts, and Operas (being two additional chapters 
 written for this edition) ; Etiquette of Weddings (rewritten, 
 for this edition, in accordance with the latest fashionable 
 usage) ; Christenings and Birthdays ; Marriage Anniversa- 
 ries ; New Year's Day in New York ; Funeral Customs and 
 Seasons of Mourning. 
 
 i8mo, cloth, gilt, price, $1.00. 
 
 New York: D. APPLETON & CO., i, 3, & 5 Bond Street. 
 
u ' Bachelor Bluff * is bright, witty, keen, deep, sober, 
 philosophical, amusing, instructive, philanthropic — in 
 short, what is not * Bachelor Bluff ' f " 
 
 NEW CHEAP SUMMER EDITION, 
 
 IN PARCHMENT PAPER. 
 
 T^achelor Bluff: 
 
 His Opinions, Sentiments, and 
 
 Disputations. By Oliver B. Bunce. 
 
 " Mr. Bunce is a writer of uncommon freshness and power. . . . Those 
 who have read his brief but carefully written studies will value at their true 
 worth the genuine critical insight and fine literary qualities which characterize 
 his work." — Christian Union. 
 
 "We do not recall any volume of popular essays published of late years 
 which contains so much good writing, and so many fine and original com- 
 ments on topics of current interest. Mr. Oracle Bluff is a self-opinionated, 
 genial, whole-souled fellow. . . . His talk is terse, epigrammatic, full of 
 quotable proverbs and isolated bits of wisdom." — Boston Traveller. 
 
 "It is a book which, while professedly aiming to amuse, and affording a 
 rery rare and delightful fund of amusement, insinuates into the crevices of the 
 reflective mind thoughts and sentiments that are sure to fructify and perpetu- 
 ate themselves."— 'EcUctic Magazine. 
 
 New cheap edition. i6mo, parchment paper. Price, 50 
 cents. 
 
 New York : D. APPLETON & CO., 1, 3, & 5 Bond Street. 
 
Uygiene for Girls. 
 
 By Iren^eus P. Davis, M. D. 
 
 i8mo, cloth. Price, $1.25. 
 
 " Many a woman whose childhood was bright with promise 
 endures an after-life of misery because, through a false delicacy, 
 she remained ignorant of her physical nature and requirements, 
 although on all other subjects she may be well-informed ; and so 
 at length she goes to her grave mourning the hard fate that has 
 made existence a burden, and perhaps wondering to what end 
 she was born, when a little knowledge at the proper time would 
 have shown her how to easily avoid those evils that have made 
 her life a wretched failure." — From Introduction. 
 
 *' A very useful book for parents who have daughters is ' Hy- 
 giene for Girls,' by Irenaeus P. Davis, M. D., published by D. 
 Appleton & Co. And it is just the book for an intelligent, well- 
 instructed girl to read with care. It is not a text-book, nor does 
 it bristle with technical terms. But it tells in simple language 
 just what girls should do and not to do to preserve the health 
 and strength, to realize the joys, and prepare for the duties of a 
 woman's lot. It is written with a delicacy, too, which a mother 
 could hardly surpass in talking with her daughter." — Christian 
 at Work. 
 
 New York : D. APPLETON & CO., x, 3, & 5 Bond Street. 
 
PRICE, $1.25 A VOL.] [IN TWELVE VOLS. 
 
 THE 
 
 Parchment Sbakspere. 
 
 NEW EDITION OF SHAKSPERE'S WORKS, 
 Bound in parchment, uncut, gilt top. 
 
 Ncto Dork: 
 
 D. APPLETON AND COMPANY, 
 
 I, 3, AND 5 BOND STREET. 
 
 This edition is being printed with new type, cast expressly for the 
 work, on laid linen paper, and in a form and style which give it 
 peculiar elegance. The text is mainly that of Delius, the chief dif- 
 ference consisting in a more sparing use of punctuation than that em- 
 ployed by the well-known German editor. Wherever a variant read- 
 ing is adopted, some good and recognized Shaksperean critic has 
 been followed. In no case is a new rendering of the text proposed ; 
 nor has it been thought necessary to distract the reader's attention by 
 notes or comments. 
 
 " There is, perhaps, no edition in which the works of Shahs- 
 pere can be read in such luxury of type, and quiet distinction 
 of form, as this." — Pall Mall Gazette. 
 
The Parchment Library, choicely 
 
 printed on linen paper, each with a frontispiece, and 
 bound in limp parchment antique, uncut, gilt top. 
 (New York: D. Appleton & Co., i, 3, & 5 Bond 
 Street.) 
 
 Tennyson s "In Memoriam? $1.25. 
 Tennyson 's " The Princess! 1 a Medley. $1.25. 
 
 English Odes, Selected by E. W. Gosse. $1.25. 
 Sonnets of Shaksp ere. By Edward Dowden. $1.25. 
 
 Eighteenth Century Essays. By Austin Dob- 
 
 SON. $1.25. 
 
 Of the Imitation of Christ. $1.25. 
 
 Shelley s Letters. $1.25. 
 
 Kebtis Christian Year. $1.50. 
 
 Gays Fables. $1.25. 
 
 Q. Horati Flacci Opera. $1.25. 
 
 French Lyrics. $1.25. 
 
 Tennysoris Poems. Two vols. $2.50. 
 
 Sonnets of John Milton. By mark Pattison. 
 $1.25. 
 
 English Lyrics. $1.25. 
 
THE RHYMESTER; 
 
 Or j The Rules of Rhyme. 
 
 A Guide to English Versification. With a Dictionary op 
 
 Rhymes, an Examination of Classical Measures, 
 
 and Comments upon Burlesque, Comic 
 
 Verse, and Song-Writing. 
 
 BY THE LATE TOM HOOD. 
 
 Edited, with Additions, by ARTHUR PENN. 
 
 18mo, cloth, extra. Uniform with "The Orthoepist" and 
 "The Verbalist." Price, §1.00. 
 
 Three whole chapters have been added to the work by the Ameri- 
 can editor — one on the sonnet, one on the rondeau and the ballade, 
 and a third on other fixed forms of verse ; while he has dealt freely 
 with the English author's text, making occasional alterations, fre- 
 quent insertions, and revising the dictionary of rhymes. 
 
 " Its chapters relate to matters of which the vast majority of those 
 who write verses are utterly ignorant, and yet which no poet, how- 
 ever brilliant, should neglect to learn. Though rules can never teach 
 the art of poetry, they may serve to greatly mitigate the evils of ordi- 
 nary versification. This instructive treatise contains a dictionary of 
 rhymes, an examination of classical measures, and comments on vari- 
 ous forms of verse-writing. We earnestly commend this little book 
 to all those who have thoughts which can not be expressed except in 
 poetic measures." — New York Observer. 
 
 u If young writers will only get the book and profit by its instruc- 
 tions, editors throughout the English-speaking world will unite in 
 thanking this author for his considerate labor." — New York Home 
 Journal. 
 
 New York: D. APPLETON & CO., i, 3, & 5 Bond Street. 
 
Books for Boys and Girls. 
 
 Facts and Phases of Animal Life, interspersed 
 
 with Amusing and Original Anecdotes. By Vernon S. Mor- 
 wood, Lecturer to the Royal Society for the Prevention of 
 Cruelty to Animals. With Seventy-five Illustrations. i2mo. 
 Cloth, gilt side and back, $1.50. 
 
 Boys in the Mountains and on the Plains; 
 
 or, The Western Adventures of Tom Smart, Bob Edge, and 
 Peter Small. By W. H. Rideing. With One Hundred and 
 One Illustrations. Square 8vo. Cloth, gilt side and back, 
 $2.50. 
 
 A World Of Wonders ; or, Marvels in Animate and In- 
 animate Nature. A Book for Young Readers. With Three 
 Hundred and Twenty-two Illustrations on Wood. Large 
 i2mo. Cloth, illuminated, $2.00. 
 
 The Young People of Shakespeare's Dramas. 
 
 For Youthful Readers. By Amelia E. Barr. With Illus- 
 trations. i2mo. Cloth, $1.50. 
 
 Winners in Life's Race ; or, The Great Backboned 
 Family. By Arabella B. Buckley, author of " The Fairy- 
 Land of Science "and "Life and her Children." With nu- 
 merous Illustrations. i2mo. Cloth, gilt side and back, $1.50. 
 
 HaiTy'S Vacation ; or, Philosophy at Home. By W. C. 
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 Cloth, $1.25. 
 
 Tommy Try, and What He Did in Science. With Forty- 
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 New York : D. APPLETON & CO., x, 3, & 5 Bond Street. 
 

14 DAY USE 
 
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