ft- 
 
 ; 
 
 
 .
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 DR. WHITTY
 
 BY THE SAME AUTHOR 
 
 SPANISH GOLD 
 THE SEARCH PARTY 
 LALAGE'S LOVERS
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 DR. WHITTY 
 
 BY 
 
 GEORGE A. BIRMINGHAM 
 
 AUTHOR OF "SPANISH GOLD" 
 
 FOURTH EDITION 
 
 METHUEN & GO. LTD. 
 
 36 ESSEX STREET W.G. 
 
 LONDON
 
 First Published . . . March /jM IQIJ 
 
 Second Edition . . . March fpfj 
 
 Third Edition . . . April 1913 
 
 Fourth Edition . . . June 1913
 
 SRLfi 
 URL 
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 I. THE DEPUTATION . . . . i 
 
 II. THE PIER. . . . . .27 
 
 III. MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING . 54 
 
 IV. THE INTERPRETERS . . . .80 
 V. THE ETYMOLOGISTS . . . .105 
 
 VI. " GOD SAVE THE KING "... 126 
 
 VII. HYGIENIC AND SCIENTIFIC APPARATUS . 145 
 
 VIII. LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA. . 163 
 
 IX. BUOYING THE CHANNEL . . .183 
 
 X. AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR . . .208 
 
 XI. Miss MULHALL'S LECTURE . . .229 
 
 XII. DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT . .. . 252 
 
 XIII. THE HONEYMOON . . . .272 
 
 XIV. " LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM " , .291
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 DR. WHITTY 
 
 I 
 
 THE DEPUTATION 
 
 BALLINTRA is a small town on the 
 coast of Connacht. It was a matter of 
 surprise to every one who took an interest in 
 such matters when Mr. Willoughby, shortly 
 after his coming to Ireland as Chief Secretary, 
 announced his intention of visiting Ballintra. 
 No high Government official had been there 
 within living memory, for these gentlemen 
 are always so feverishly anxious to get on to 
 somewhere else, that they cannot afford time 
 to go to places which are not on the way to 
 anywhere ; and Ballintra, standing on the 
 shore of a deep bay, is the end of a cul-de-sac. 
 Its visitors, when they want to go away from 
 it, must travel again the road by which they 
 came. 
 
 " It's likely," said Michael Geraghty, dis-
 
 2 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 cussing the advent of the Chief Secretary at 
 the bar of the Imperial Hotel, "that he'll be 
 taking his dinner up at the big house along 
 with Colonel Beresford." 
 
 Thady Glynn, the proprietor of the hotel, 
 sniffed. He did not like Colonel Beresford, 
 who was the principal landlord of the neigh- 
 bourhood. 
 
 "And I wouldn't wonder," said Michael 
 Geraghty, "if he'd sleep the night there." 
 
 " He will not, then," said Thady. " He'll 
 neither eat nor sleep in the town, but 
 he'll be off out of it again as quick as he 
 
 can." 
 
 Thady's opinion, given from behind his 
 own bar, naturally carried great weight. He 
 was an important man in Ballintra. His 
 position as Chairman of the Urban Council 
 and President of the local branch of the 
 League placed him above the reach of 
 contradiction. 
 
 " I was only making the suggestion," said 
 Michael meekly. " It's yourself would know 
 if anyone does." 
 
 " I do know," said Thady. 
 
 His information turned out to be perfectly 
 accurate.
 
 THE DEPUTATION 3 
 
 The Chief Secretary's motor-car was timed 
 to arrive in Ballintra at twelve o'clock and to 
 leave again as soon as possible afterwards. 
 The Reverend Mother who presided over the 
 convent and the industrial school was the first 
 to make up her mind to receive the Chief 
 Secretary. It was settled that he should 
 stop at the convent, inspect the school, and 
 make the acquaintance of Father Henaghan, 
 the parish priest. The arrangement was 
 quite satisfactory to the ecclesiastical authori- 
 ties ; but it did not appear how the rest of 
 the people would benefit by the inspection. 
 Men looked to Thady Glynn to suggest 
 some way of getting tangible advantage 
 from the visit of Mr. Willoughby. Thady 
 hesitated. He did not see what the Chief 
 Secretary could do for him. He was already 
 a J.P., in virtue of his position as Chairman 
 of the Urban District Council. He did not 
 know of any other honour or any emolument 
 which the Chief Secretary could bestow. 
 While he hesitated Dr. Whitty came before 
 the public with a plan. It was not very 
 original, but it seemed practical. He sug- 
 gested that Mr. Willoughby should be asked 
 to build a pier for the benefit of the town.
 
 4 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Michael Geraghty warmly supported the 
 doctor. He was by profession a builder and 
 contractor, and was the only man in Ballintra 
 to whom the contract for building a pier 
 could possibly be given. He was of opinion 
 that a handsome profit might be realised out 
 of the work. He spent an evening working 
 out sums on a sheet of paper, and came to 
 the conclusion that he ought to clear ^200 
 at least out of quite a small pier, and might 
 make much more if the inspector who passed 
 his work turned out to be a fool. He called 
 on the doctor the next morning and expressed 
 his intention of doing all in his power to 
 secure the pier. 
 
 " It'll be a great benefit to the people of 
 this district," he said, " if so be we get the 
 pier. Many's the time there might be a fine 
 catch of mackerel took, or herring or the 
 like, if only there was some way of landing 
 them. But what's the good of going out 
 and taking the trouble to catch the fish when 
 a man'd only be losing his life trying to 
 land them at the slip there is in it, and him 
 maybe with a wife and family depending on 
 him ?" 
 
 " That's all right, Michael," said the doctor.
 
 THE DEPUTATION 5 
 
 "It's the most thing that would be a real 
 benefit to the people/' went on Geraghty, 
 " would be to have a good pier. There's 
 more lives would be saved and more money 
 brought into the place " 
 
 " That's all right. You keep that sort of 
 talk for the Chief Secretary. Lay out the 
 bodies of the drowned fishermen in the street 
 if you like when he's coming into the town. 
 Range out the widows and orphans in rows. 
 Show him piles of empty packing cases that 
 might be full of fish if only we had a pier. 
 That sort of thing will impress him, I've no 
 doubt. But you needn't shoot it off at me." 
 
 Michael Geraghty looked at the doctor 
 dubiously. Then he smiled slowly. 
 
 "What you want, doctor," he said, "is to 
 provide employment for the starving inhabit- 
 ants of this town, the decent poor fellows 
 that would be willing to work and earn what 
 would keep themselves and their families in 
 comfort if so be there was work in it to be 
 got. And with the help of God there will be 
 work when they've given us the money to 
 build the pier. It's the poor you're thinking 
 of, doctor ; and I respect you for it." 
 
 " I am not thinking of the poor. Don't
 
 6 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 you be getting it into your head that I'm 
 either a politician or a philanthropist. I'm 
 going to run this pier scheme through be- 
 cause, when there's money going, we may as 
 well get our whack of it here in Ballintra 
 as let it be grabbed by some other place. 
 That's what I'm thinking of. What's in 
 your mind is the profit you'll make out of 
 the job yourself. Devil the other idea there 
 is in your head this minute." 
 
 Michael Geraghty smiled again. Then he 
 winked slowly. 
 
 "You're a smart man, doctor," he said. 
 "You're a mighty smart man. I've always 
 said it of you, and I'll say it again." 
 
 " It's not just as easy as you might be 
 inclined to think," said the doctor, " to get 
 the promise of a pier. There was a time 
 when any man that wanted a pier could get 
 it for the asking, and have it stuck down on 
 any spot on the whole coast of Connacht that 
 he chose to mention. But those days are 
 past. They're getting very particular now 
 about piers. The last two Chief Secretaries 
 have looked a long time at ^"1000 before 
 they spent it on a pier." 
 
 "It's a damned shame then," said
 
 THE DEPUTATION 7 
 
 Geraghty. " What's the good of our keeping 
 
 up a Chief Secretary at all if he won't 
 
 It's enough to set a man against the Govern- 
 ment altogether, so it is." 
 
 " What we've got to do," said the doctor, 
 "is to face this Chief Secretary with a 
 deputation of the most respectable and 
 influential possible kind, the sort of deputa- 
 tion that he can't possibly refuse to listen to.* 
 
 "That'll be all right," said Geraghty. 
 "There'll be yourself and me and Father 
 Henaghan and " 
 
 " Certainly not. Neither you nor I will 
 be on the deputation at all. We're no use. 
 No Chief Secretary in his senses would 
 listen to what we had to say. Father 
 Henaghan we'll have, of course. He'll 
 introduce the deputation as soon as ever 
 he's finished conducting the Chief Secretary 
 round the industrial school at the convent." 
 
 " He'll do it," said Geraghty. 
 
 "Of course he will. He loves going on 
 deputations. Then I'll go on to the Rev. 
 Mr. Jackson and " 
 
 " The Protestant minister ! " said Geraghty. 
 " What does he know about piers, or about 
 Chief Secretaries for that matter ? "
 
 8 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "Nothing," said the doctor. "But he'll 
 be mighty useful to us. What impresses a 
 Chief Secretary more than anything else is 
 a union of all creeds for a common good 
 object. When he sees Father Henaghan 
 and Mr. Jackson standing hand in hand in 
 front of his motor-car he'll be prepared to 
 give us a lighthouse if we want it, let alone 
 a paltry pier." 
 
 " Maybe the Rev. Jackson won't go with 
 you. I'm told he's a queer sort of man." 
 
 " He's an excellent man. I was attending 
 his children when they had the measles last 
 month, and I happen to know that he's a 
 most charitable man. When I tell him all 
 you've been saying about the poor fellows 
 that are out of work, and the benefit the 
 building operations will be to them in the 
 way of wages, he'll join the deputation 
 at once. There's no difficulty whatever 
 so far. The next two people we must 
 secure are Colonel Beresford and Thady 
 Glynn." 
 
 "Be damn," said Geraghty, "but you'll 
 not be able to get them not the both of 
 them ; though I don't say but you might get 
 either the one or the other."
 
 THE DEPUTATION 9 
 
 "We must have both, Michael, however 
 we manage it. If we don't get the colonel, 
 the Chief Secretary will be inclined to think 
 that the whole thing is a got-up job, and that 
 there's no real need of a pier." 
 
 " He might think that surely." 
 
 " He might and would. What's more, 
 speaking between ourselves, he'd be perfectly 
 right if he did. That's why we must have 
 the colonel." 
 
 "He'll not join," said Geraghty, "not if 
 he knows that Thady Glynn is to be one of 
 the party. He hates Thady worse than the 
 devil. And if Thady's left out " 
 
 "We can't leave Thady out possibly. As 
 Chairman of all the different Boards and 
 Leagues about the place he's a most 
 important man. He'll impress the Chief 
 Secretary tremendously." 
 
 "If you left him out he'd go round and 
 rise the minds of the people against the pier, 
 so as they'd get up a petition to have it 
 carted away, if so be that it was stuck down 
 in the middle of the street." 
 
 " Exactly. That's another reason why 
 we must have Thady. We won't get the 
 pier without him."
 
 io THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "You'll not get both him and the colonel," 
 said Geraghty despondingly. " The thing 
 couldn't be done. No man living could do 
 it. If the colonel goes, then Thady'll refuse, 
 for he doesn't like the colonel any more than 
 the colonel likes him ; and if you have 
 Thady engaged, the colonel will swear by 
 this and by that that he'll not go near the 
 Chief Secretary not if he was never to see 
 a Chief Secretary again as long as he 
 lived." 
 
 " When I say I must have them both, I 
 mean to get them both. Listen to me now, 
 Michael. I'm going round now to Father 
 Henaghan and the Rev. Mr. Jackson. 
 They'll agree all right. Just you drop into 
 the hotel and see Thady Glynn. Tell him 
 I sent you to ask him to go on the deputa- 
 tion. Tell him that I'm asking Colonel 
 Beresford, and that I'm pretty sure the 
 colonel will agree. In fact, you might go as 
 far as to say that the colonel has agreed. 
 Then come back here and tell me what 
 Thady says." 
 
 " I can tell you that this minute. He'll 
 say that he'll see you and the colonel and 
 the Chief Secretary and the pier and town
 
 THE DEPUTATION 11 
 
 of Ballintra a mighty long way off before he 
 goes on any such expedition." 
 
 "Go you off and do as I bid you," said 
 the doctor, "and let me run this show my 
 own way." 
 
 Michael Geraghty was back in the doctor's 
 house in less than an hour. He had drunk 
 two bottles of porter and a glass of whisky, 
 but he was not at all cheered. He feared 
 that the doctor's plan was doomed to failure. 
 Thady Glynn had violently refused to have 
 anything to do with the deputation. He 
 had cursed Dr. Whitty for a meddlesome 
 young fool. He had expressed a passionate 
 detestation of Colonel Beresford. He had 
 threatened to have letters written to the 
 paper exposing the whole pier scheme as a 
 dodge a dastardly and cowardly plot to 
 seduce the League from the true principles 
 of democracy. It was, he declared, a scandal 
 that a well-known enemy of the popular will, 
 like Colonel Beresford, should be associated 
 with a movement of the kind. Michael, who 
 knew the power and influence of Thady 
 Glynn, felt that there was no hope at all of 
 getting anything out of the Chief Secretary. 
 He made his report to the doctor.
 
 12 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Didn't I tell you," he said at the end of 
 it, "that it's the way things would be? 
 Anybody might have known it." 
 
 Dr. Whitty received the news with the 
 greatest cheerfulness. 
 
 "That's all right," he said. "That's 
 exactly what I hoped he'd say." 
 
 "You're easy satisfied, then, if you're 
 pleased with that." 
 
 " I'm going up to the colonel now," said 
 the doctor. " Do you come in here to-morrow 
 at two o'clock, when I'll be at home for my 
 dinner, and I'll tell you what's the next thing 
 you have to say to Thady Glynn." 
 
 Dr. Whitty mounted his bicycle and rode 
 to the entrance of the demesne. He greeted 
 the gate-keeper's child cheerfully, and then 
 sped up the long, shady avenue. He found 
 Colonel Beresford cutting exhausted blossoms 
 off his rose trees in front of the house. He 
 introduced his business without delay. 
 
 " You'veheard,"he said, " that the new Chief 
 Secretary, Mr. Willoughby, is to pass through 
 the town the day after to-morrow. We were 
 thinking of getting up a deputation to wait 
 upon him in the hope that he might build us 
 a pier in Ballintra."
 
 THE DEPUTATION 13 
 
 " Why the devil should he build a pier in 
 Ballintra ? " asked the colonel. 
 
 " Oh, we're not particular as to its being 
 a pier. A railway or anything else would 
 do quite as well. We only suggest a pier 
 because it's the usual thing." 
 
 " But why should he build anything?" 
 
 " I don't know why ; but, as a matter of 
 fact you must have observed it yourself, 
 colonel all Chief Secretaries build a lot 
 of things when they first come over. I 
 suppose they think it'll make them popular 
 with the people. It doesn't, of course, but 
 they don't find that out for a long time. 
 What we feel is that if there are piers and 
 things going we may as well get our share 
 as not." 
 
 "Very well. If a man's fool enough to 
 build a pier in a place like this, get it if you 
 can, by all means. I suppose you'll put it 
 somewhere out of the way, so that it won't 
 interfere with the fishing boats." 
 
 "Of course we will. I'm glad you take 
 the view you do of it, colonel, because we 
 want you to form one of the deputation." 
 
 " Who else is going on it ? I'm not going 
 to mix myself up with a pack of blackguards
 
 14 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 simply to swindle a Chief Secretary out of a 
 pier." 
 
 " Mr. Jackson, the rector, has just pro- 
 mised to be one." 
 
 The colonel grunted. He had no very 
 high opinion of Mr. Jackson's ability, but 
 he was not prepared to describe him as a 
 blackguard. 
 
 "And Father Henaghan." 
 
 " And who else ? " 
 
 "You, colonel." 
 
 " Look here, doctor, there's no use 
 dribbling out the names one by one in this 
 way. Sooner or later you've got to own up 
 to it that Thady Glynn is to be one of the 
 party. I may as well tell you straight that I'm 
 not going to mix myself up with that fellow. 
 I wouldn't do it if it was to establish a naval 
 dockyard in the bay. I wouldn't do it if 
 you promised me ^1000. That blackguard 
 hasn't missed an opportunity of abusing me 
 in the most scurrilous way for the last ten 
 years. I'd do a good deal to oblige you, 
 doctor, but I won't walk about with my arm 
 round Glynn's neck to please any Chief 
 Secretary in Christendom ; so it's no use 
 your asking me."
 
 THE DEPUTATION 15 
 
 " Michael Geraghty " said the doctor. 
 
 " I don't care a hang about Michael 
 Geraghty. I suppose he thinks that if 
 there's a pier he'll get the building of it." 
 
 "He does, of course. But what I wanted 
 to tell you was that Michael Geraghty says 
 Thady Glynn won't go on the deputation. It 
 appears he cursed and swore like mad when 
 he heard of it, and flatly refused to act." 
 
 " Did he ? I'm surprised at that. I'd 
 have thought he'd simply have loved it." 
 
 "It appears that he doesn't, though. Now, 
 if I were you, colonel, I'd put a spoke in 
 Thady Glynn's wheel. He thinks we can't 
 get the pier without him. You come forward 
 and get it for us, and Thady will be the sickest 
 man in Ballintra for the next eighteen months." 
 
 The colonel chuckled. He was not at 
 all averse to getting the better of Thady if 
 he could. After a little more persuasion he 
 agreed to form part of the deputation. 
 
 " Good," said the doctor. " We'll count on 
 you. The day after to-morrow, at half-past 
 twelve o'clock outside the convent. Don't 
 forget." 
 
 The following evening Michael Geraghty, 
 carefully instructed by Dr. Whitty, and fully
 
 16 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 alive to the delicate nature of the negotiation 
 before him, strolled into the hotel and 
 approached the bar. He ordered a bottle 
 of porter from Thady Glynn, and then 
 approached his business obliquely. 
 
 " It's wonderful," he said, "the spite that 
 some men has men that ought to know 
 better against the people of this country 
 and all that might be for their good." 
 
 " That's true," said Thady Glynn. 
 
 "You'd hardly believe it now," said 
 Geraghty, " but no sooner did the old colonel 
 above, at the big house, hear your name men- 
 tioned in connection with the forthcoming 
 deputation to the Chief Secretary " 
 
 " I'm not going on it. I told you that 
 before." 
 
 " than he turned on the doctor, and 
 damned scoundrel was the mildest words he 
 used. I wouldn't care to be repeating to 
 you the rest of what he said." 
 
 " Did he then ? " 
 
 "He did, and more. He said there'd be 
 no pier got without he went and asked for it." 
 
 "Did he say that?" 
 
 " He did. And of course it was the truth. 
 Who'd give a pier to the likes of us when
 
 THE DEPUTATION if 
 
 the gentry says a pier's not wanted in the 
 locality ? " 
 
 "Was it me he called a damned 
 scoundrel ? " 
 
 "It was. Maybe I oughtn't to have re- 
 peated the like ; but it's out now, and if you 
 hadn't heard it from me you would from 
 another ; so it's as well as it is." 
 
 "I'll teach him," said Thady. " I'll give 
 him a lesson he'll remember." 
 
 " What's the use of talking ? You couldn't. 
 What does he care for the likes of you ? 
 There's only one thing that would vex him, 
 and that's what you couldn't do." 
 
 "What's that?" 
 
 " Get the pier for us. He'd be mad if he 
 heard that we'd got it in spite of him. But 
 you couldn't do it, so where's the use ? " 
 
 " I could do it if I laid myself down to the 
 job." 
 
 " You could not. You're angry this 
 minute, Mr. Glynn, if you'll excuse my say- 
 ing so. You're angry, and small blame to you. 
 You think you could do anything, the way 
 he has you rose by the language he used ; 
 but you couldn't get the pier. The Chief 
 Secretary wouldn't listen to what you'd say."
 
 18 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " He would listen, and it would be the 
 worse for him if he did not. I'd have a 
 question asked in Parliament if he didn't 
 listen to me, and that's what he wouldn't like." 
 
 " Anyway, you won't do it," said Geraghty. 
 " Aren't you after saying this minute that noth- 
 ing would make you go on the deputation ? " 
 
 " I may have said that, but if I did it was 
 because I thought it was a got-up job with 
 them behind it that hasn't the good of the 
 people in their hearts. But I see now I was 
 wrong about that. You can tell the doctor 
 I'll go, and, what's more, I'll do my best. 
 What time is it to be ? " 
 
 " It's twelve o'clock," said Geraghty. 
 "That's the hour fixed for the visit to the 
 industrial school above, at the convent, and 
 the deputation is to meet him when he comes 
 out." 
 
 "You may tell the doctor. I'll be there." 
 
 "I'll take another bottle of porter," said 
 Geraghty, " the way I'll wish you luck." 
 
 The Chief Secretary and his wife, a 
 charming lady in a mauve dress of Irish 
 tweed, reached Ballintra in good time. 
 Accompanied by Father Henaghan and con- 
 ducted by the Reverend Mother, they entered
 
 THE DEPUTATION 19 
 
 the convent just as the town clock struck 
 twelve. At ten minutes past twelve Dr. 
 Whitty arrived and was cheered by the 
 crowd which had watched the arrival of the 
 motor-car. Five minutes later the Rev. J. 
 Jackson, rector of the parish, came up. He 
 had put on a silk hat, of somewhat antiquated 
 shape, for the occasion. He looked hot and 
 nervous. The crowd, which was in an 
 exceptionally good humour, cheered him too. 
 At twenty minutes past twelve Thady Glynn 
 and Michael Geraghty strolled up together 
 from the hotel and took up a position just 
 outside the convent gate. Some one in the 
 crowd began to sing, " God save Ireland." 
 The prayer, considering that Thady Glynn 
 was a prominent leader of public opinion in 
 the country, was appropriate, but it was 
 sung without any malicious intent. There 
 was no thought in anyone's mind that Mr. 
 Glynn might be a difficulty in the way of the 
 Almighty. Then Colonel Beresford drove 
 up in a smart dogcart drawn by a well- 
 groomed horse. The singing ceased at once. 
 An Irish crowd is always courteous, and it 
 was felt quite rightly that a prayer for the 
 welfare of Ireland would be regarded as an
 
 20 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 insult to Colonel Beresford. Dr. Whitty 
 watched the scene anxiously, casting hurried 
 glances from the dogcart to the convent gate, 
 and back from the convent gate to the dog- 
 cart. He saw Mr. Thady Glynn start, saw 
 him make a remark which he supposed, from 
 the gesticulation which accompanied it, to be 
 a violent oath. The colonel drove on. Dr. 
 Whitty saw Michael Geraghty seize Thady 
 by the arm and whisper eagerly to him. 
 Then the colonel pulled up his horse with a 
 jerk and sat glaring furiously in the direction of 
 the convent gate. Dr. Whitty felt that there 
 was not a moment to be lost. He darted for- 
 ward and took his place beside the colonel's 
 trap. 
 
 " Good morning, colonel. You're just in 
 time. The Chief Secretary is in the convent. 
 He'll be out in two minutes. Mr. Jackson 
 is here, and Father Henaghan is inside. 
 We're all ready. Jump down." 
 
 The colonel, by way of reply, jammed his 
 whip into its socket, raised his arm, andpointed 
 a finger at Thady Glynn. Dr. Whitty leaned 
 towards him and spoke in a clear whisper. 
 
 " I know. It's that beast Thady Glynn. 
 He's come here to make himself objectionable,
 
 THE DEPUTATION 21 
 
 with all the corner boys about the place after 
 him. He'll start them hooting, or booing, or 
 something directly the Chief Secretary comes 
 out. I was afraid he'd do something of the 
 sort. But never mind. Father Henaghan 
 will introduce the deputation. It'll be all 
 right." 
 
 The colonel squared himself, as military 
 men do, and assumed an appearance of great 
 determination. Dr. Whitty glanced over his 
 shoulder and observed with pleasure that 
 Thady Glynn was standing his ground. 
 Michael Geraghty had acted on his instruc- 
 tions and told Thady that Colonel Beresford 
 had come to persuade the Chief Secretary 
 not to give the pier. The colonel got out 
 of his trap and stalked majestically across 
 the road. Mr. Jackson joined him. Dr. 
 Whitty watched the convent door anxiously. 
 The situation was critical. He sincerely 
 hoped that the Chief Secretary would not 
 be delayed by any unhallowed desire to see 
 more than the Reverend Mother wanted to 
 show him. He need not have been anxious. 
 Mr. Willoughby was a man of tact. He 
 asked only the proper questions and patted 
 the heads of no girls except those brought
 
 22 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 immediately under his notice. At half-past 
 twelve precisely he shook hands with the 
 Reverend Mother and stepped out of the 
 convent door. The colonel, Mr. Jackson, 
 and Thady Glynn approached him. Father 
 Henaghan left Mrs. Willoughby, to whom he 
 had been chatting, hurried to the front, and 
 took off his hat. 
 
 " It's my pleasing duty, sir," he said, "to 
 introduce to you a deputation which, for its 
 representative character, has never been 
 equalled in this neighbourhood." 
 
 The crowd, led by Michael Geraghty, 
 cheered loudly. Mr. Willoughby took off his 
 hat. His wife bowed from the background. 
 
 "The Rev. Mr. Jackson," said Father 
 Henaghan, "is the Protestant rector of the 
 parish, a gentleman respected by all classes 
 and creeds for his charity and Christian 
 conduct. And I may say, sir, that in this 
 parish all creeds live together in harmony 
 and good-fellowship." 
 
 Mr. Jackson, hat in hand, took a step 
 forward and bowed to Mr. Willoughby. Mr. 
 Willoughby shook him warmly by the hand. 
 The crowd cheered again. 
 
 " This," said Father Henaghan, " is Colonel
 
 THE DEPUTATION 23 
 
 Beresford. I make no doubt but you've heard 
 of him before now, and I may say " 
 
 Dr. Whitty watched Thady Glynn. For- 
 tunately the crowd cheered again. Thady 
 hesitated, scowling heavily. 
 
 " I may say," continued Father Henaghan, 
 " that the fact of Colonel Beresford's presence 
 with us to-day is a proof that the request we 
 are about to make is reasonable and just." 
 
 The Chief Secretary shook Colonel Beres- 
 ford's hand, and introduced him to Mrs. 
 Willoughby, who smiled pleasantly. The 
 crowd cheered vociferously. 
 
 "This," said Father Henaghan, taking the 
 unwilling Thady Glynn by the arm and 
 leading him forward, " is my particular 
 friend, Mr. Glynn, of the Imperial Hotel. A 
 leading man, sir, in this neighbourhood, a J.P., 
 and the Chairman of the Board of Guardians." 
 
 Colonel Beresford grew extremely red in 
 the face. Dr. Whitty suspected that he was 
 only restrained from swearing by the pres- 
 ence of Mrs. Willoughby. The colonel 
 was before all a gentleman, and respected 
 the feelings of the lady beside him. Dr. 
 Whitty edged a little away from him. 
 
 " What this deputation wishes to lay
 
 24 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 before you," said Father Henaghan, "is 
 the drawback that this town suffers from the 
 want of a pier. It's well known that the 
 development of the fisheries of this coast is 
 one of the greatest boons which a sympathetic 
 Government could confer on our poor people." 
 He ambled on, encouraged by the cheers 
 of the crowd, totally unconscious of the 
 passions which his introductions had excited. 
 Even Dr. Whitty, who had no reason to 
 look forward with pleasure to the immediate 
 future, began to wish that he would stop. 
 In the end, of course, he did stop. All men 
 must, even when they speak on a topic so 
 entrancing as the development of Irish fish- 
 eries. The Chief Secretary's reply was brief 
 but satisfactory. He said that nothing 
 gratified him more than to observe the union 
 of classes and creeds in Ireland. The 
 country, he thought, had been too long 
 divided into hostile factions. In the deputa- 
 tion which had met him that day he saw a 
 plain proof that the days of division were 
 past and a happier epoch at hand. He 
 added that the inhabitants of Ballintra might 
 count upon having the pier they wanted. 
 He himself would see to it that the necessary
 
 THE DEPUTATION 25 
 
 money was forthcoming. Then he shook 
 hands with each member of the deputation, 
 placed his wife in the motor-car, gave an 
 order to the driver, and departed. 
 
 "Dr. Whitty," said the colonel furiously, 
 " you have grossly abused my confidence, 
 sir. I trusted your word as I might have 
 trusted the word of a gentleman. I find " 
 
 "The man you have to blame, colonel," 
 said the doctor, " is Michael Geraghty. 
 Michael told me distinctly that Thady Glynn 
 absolutely refused to go on the deputation. 
 I had every reason to believe what he said. 
 I did believe it. I believe still that it was 
 true at the time he told it to me. Come 
 now, colonel, be reasonable. You can't hold 
 me responsible because Glynn changed his 
 mind at the last moment." 
 
 "I do hold you responsible," said the 
 colonel ; " I " 
 
 "If Geraghty wasn't fighting for his life 
 this minute," said Dr. Whitty, "and getting 
 the worst of it from Thady Glynn, I'd call 
 him to corroborate what I say. Look at that." 
 
 He pointed to the spot where Michael 
 Geraghty was trying to ward off the blows 
 aimed at his head by Thady Glynn. Father
 
 26 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Henaghan, with uplifted hands, was dancing 
 about on the outskirts of the fray trying to 
 restore peace. 
 
 " Look at that," said Dr. Whitty. 
 "Thady's pretty near as angry as you are." 
 
 Colonel Beresford had a sense of humour. 
 He glanced at Thady and his victim, glared 
 at the doctor, glanced at Father Henaghan, 
 smiled at the doctor, and finally got into his 
 trap and drove off. 
 
 In the evening Michael Geraghty came 
 round to the doctor's house and complained 
 of the awkward position in which he had 
 been placed. 
 
 "Thady Glynn," he said, "was terrible 
 angry. Only for Father Henaghan he'd 
 have had me killed." 
 
 " You're all right," said the doctor. " I can't 
 see what you have to complain of. You've 
 no bones broken and you've got the pier." 
 
 "Thady'll never speak to me again in 
 this world." 
 
 "He will. So soon as ever he finds out that 
 you're going to make ^"200 out of that pier 
 he'll be as friendly as ever he was. Why, man, 
 it would be a terrible thing for him if you 
 spent all that money anywhere but in his shop."
 
 II 
 
 THE PIER 
 
 IT was about six o'clock in the afternoon 
 of an August day, rather more than a year 
 after the visit of the Chief Secretary, when 
 Mr. Eccles, B.E., drove into Ballintra. He 
 engaged a room in Thady Glynn's hotel, and 
 then asked where Dr. Whitty lived. Thady 
 eyed his guest, anxious to know exactly who 
 he was and what he wanted in Ballintra. 
 He was not a commercial traveller. Thady 
 knew all the gentlemen of that profession 
 who visited Ballintra, and he did not recog- 
 nise Mr. Eccles. It followed that he must 
 be a Government official. Thady searched 
 his memory, but could think of nothing in 
 the recent performances of the Board of 
 Guardians, over which he presided, which 
 would call for a visit from a Local Govern- 
 ment Board inspector. He decided that 
 Mr. Eccles must be an engineer, and had
 
 28 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 probably come to report on the pier which 
 Michael Geraghty had built. Mr. Eccles 
 repeated his inquiry for Dr. Whitty. 
 
 "Is it the doctor you want to see ? " 
 
 Thady was a little puzzled. He could 
 not imagine why a Board of Works engineer 
 should want to visit Dr. Whitty. 
 
 "Yes," said Mr. Eccles; "where does he 
 live?" 
 
 "If it's a tooth that's troubling you," said 
 Thady, "you couldn't go to a better man 
 than Dr. Whitty. He'll whip it out for you 
 before you'll rightly know he has a grip on 
 it. There isn't a proper dentist would do it 
 quicker." 
 
 This warm recommendation was highly 
 creditable to Thady Glynn. He had never 
 liked Dr. Whitty. He owed him a special 
 grudge since the day when the deputation 
 met the Chief Secretary. But he did not 
 allow his private feelings to stand in the 
 way of a public duty. If there was a half- 
 crown to be got out of a Government official 
 he was anxious to secure it for the pocket 
 of one of the inhabitants of Ballintra, if 
 possible, rather than allow it to be wasted 
 on a Dublin dentist.
 
 THE PIER 29 
 
 " I don't want him to pull my teeth out,' ; 
 said Mr. Eccles. " Do I look like a man 
 who'd come all the way to Ballintra because 
 he had toothache ? " 
 
 "You do not," said Thady judicially. 
 " When I take a good look at you I can see 
 well that you're not that sort of man." 
 
 " Dr. Whitty and I are old friends," said 
 Mr. Eccles. "He and I lived in the same 
 lodgings when he was walking the hospitals 
 and I was going through the engineering 
 school." 
 
 Thady Glynn was satisfied. He started 
 his guest on the way to Dr. Whitty 's house 
 and then returned to his own bar. He found 
 Michael Geraghty there. There had been 
 an outward reconciliation between him and 
 Geraghty, brought about by a conviction, 
 present in both their minds, of the incon- 
 venience of keeping up a quarrel. Michael 
 had borrowed, at a high rate of interest, a 
 good deal of money from Thady Glynn, 
 money absolutely necessary for his pier 
 building. As one instalment after another 
 of his contract price was paid him by 
 the Government he punctually discharged 
 his debt. He now stood clear of Thady
 
 30 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Glynn's books, and was looking forward to 
 his last and largest cheque, as almost all 
 clear profit, to be put into his own pocket. 
 
 " Did you see the man that's just after 
 driving up to the hotel ? " said Thady. 
 
 "I did," said Michael Geraghty "a 
 good-looking young fellow enough. Who 
 is he?" 
 
 "He's the engineer from the Board of 
 Works," said Thady, " that's come down to 
 pass your pier before they pay for it." 
 
 " I'm glad to hear it. It's time he came." 
 
 " He's a mighty sharp man, sharper than 
 any of them that was down before looking 
 at it." 
 
 " He'll find no fault with the pier, no 
 matter how sharp he is," said Michael 
 bravely. 
 
 " I hope he won't. It'd be a terrible 
 thing for you, Michael, if he wouldn't pass 
 it now it's done, after all the money you've 
 spent on it." 
 
 " It would be a loss of ^250 to me," said 
 Michael. " But why would he not pass it ? 
 It's a good pier. I don't know where you'd 
 see a pier that's better built." 
 
 " It's a well-built pier. He'll not fault the
 
 THE PIER 31 
 
 work that's in it. But you couldn't be up to 
 the ways of them fellows. He mightn't pass 
 it at the latter end." 
 
 Michael Geraghty was uneasy. He spoke 
 confidently, but there was a note of anxiety 
 in his voice. 
 
 "Where's he off to now?" he asked. 
 "He wouldn't be going down to the pier at 
 this time of the evening, all by himself, with- 
 out me with him." 
 
 " He's not gone near the pier, and 
 he won't till to-morrow morning. And it 
 wouldn't be any harm if he did, for he hasn't 
 taken his measuring tape with him. He's 
 gone to see Dr. Whitty, if you want to 
 know. I'm sure of that, for he asked me the 
 way to his house. It seems the doctor and 
 him is old friends." 
 
 "If he's gone there it's all right," said 
 Michael. "The doctor's a good friend of 
 mine. He'll put in a word for me." 
 
 "You don't want him, or any other one, 
 to be putting in a word for you, if so be that 
 your pier's all right." 
 
 " I do not, of course. But it'll do no harm, 
 anyway. Them inspectors from Dublin is 
 queer at times."
 
 32 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " This is a mighty sharp man, anyway," 
 said Thady. " I could tell that by the way 
 he looked at me when I told him it would 
 be a pleasure to the doctor to be pulling his 
 teeth out of him. It's as well for you that 
 he'll not be able to fault your pier." 
 
 Mr. Eccles returned to the hotel at about 
 midnight. He had spent a very pleasant 
 evening with Dr. Whitty. They dined 
 together, and after dinner, drinking a 
 moderate quantity of whisky and smoking 
 an immoderate quantity of tobacco, they 
 recalled bygone festivities, football matches, 
 cycling tours, and other joys of their lost 
 youth. Before they parted they entered into 
 a covenant to spend their September holiday 
 together, climbing mountains in Cumberland. 
 Dr. Whitty could, he thought, count on a 
 clear fortnight. Mr. Eccles, under the rules 
 of his department, was entitled to three 
 weeks. 
 
 Early next morning Dr. Whitty was 
 aroused by a knocking at his hall door. He 
 looked out of the window and discovered 
 Michael Geraghty standing on the step. 
 
 "If it's your wife's rheumatism," he said, 
 "I'll not dress myself to go and attend her
 
 THE PIER 33 
 
 at this hour. It'll neither be better nor 
 worse after breakfast." 
 
 "It's not herself at all," said Michael 
 Geraghty. 
 
 " Has Thady Glynn been beating you 
 again ? for, if he has, you needn't come here 
 to be plastered up. I told you last time you'd 
 have to learn to hit back. I hate a man who 
 sits down and lets himself be assaulted." 
 
 " There's been no one beating me." 
 
 " Then what the devil do you want ? Has 
 the baby swallowed a pin ? If so, go home 
 out of this and feed her on mashed potatoes 
 and cotton wool." 
 
 " I want a word with you, doctor." 
 
 " Very well, say it, and let me get back to 
 my bed." 
 
 " It's not what I could be shouting out in 
 the street," said Michael. " It's of a private 
 nature, and I'd thank you to let me within 
 into the house before I say it." 
 
 Dr. Whitty's curiosity was aroused. He 
 went downstairs, opened the door, and 
 brought Michael Geraghty into the dis- 
 pensary. 
 
 "Now, then," he said, "out with it." 
 
 "They do say," said Michael, "that the 
 3
 
 34 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 gentleman that's down from Dublin is a 
 great friend of your own, and that he'd do any- 
 thing you asked him, whatever it might be." 
 
 "He is a friend of mine." 
 
 "And they tell me he's come about the 
 pier, to give me the writing that'll entitle me 
 to get the last instalment of the price." 
 
 " That's exactly what he has come for." 
 
 "Then I'd be thankful to you, doctor, if 
 you'd put in a good word for me." 
 
 " Is there anything the matter with the 
 pier?" 
 
 " It's a good pier," said Michael Geraghty. 
 
 " If it's a good pier," said the doctor, " you 
 don't want me to be talking to the engineer. 
 He'll pass it all right without that." 
 
 "It would do no harm if you were to 
 speak a word to him." 
 
 " Look here," said the doctor, " I'm quite 
 ready to help you, Michael, all I can. But 
 I won't work in the dark. If there's any- 
 thing wrong with your pier, tell me what it 
 is, and I'll pull you through." 
 
 " It's a good pier," said Michael. 
 
 "If that's all you're going to say you may 
 go home, and devil the word I'll speak to 
 Mr. Eccles on your behalf."
 
 THE PIER 35 
 
 "It's a good pier," said Michael "what 
 there is of it." 
 
 " Oh," said the doctor, " so that's the way of 
 it, is it? What a damned fool you are, Michael ; 
 you must have known he'd measure it." 
 
 " He might not." 
 
 " He will. I know Eccles, and he'll 
 measure any pier he inspects. If it's so 
 much as an inch short he'll not pass it." 
 
 " I'm not saying it is short, mind you," 
 said Michael Geraghty cautiously. "All 
 I want is for you to speak a word to him 
 in case he was to fault it that way or 
 another. It's ruined and broke altogether 
 I'd be if I didn't get the money that's owing 
 to me this minute." 
 
 "I'll do the best I can for you, Michael. 
 I'll be down at the pier this morning, and if 
 I'm able to distract his attention when he's 
 measuring it, I will. Anyway, make your 
 mind easy about it. One way or another 
 I'll see you safe through." 
 
 Mr. Eccles breakfasted quietly at nine 
 o'clock. At ten he prepared to go down to 
 the pier. Thady Glynn met him in the hall 
 of the hotel. 
 
 " Might I speak a word to you, sir?"
 
 36 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "Certainly." 
 
 " And what I say will be kept private ? " 
 
 " I don't know about that. It depends on 
 what it is." 
 
 Thady Glynn looked searchingly at Mr. 
 Eccles. He would have liked to have 
 secured himself by a pledge of secrecy, but 
 he was prepared to run some risks for the 
 sake of a complete and satisfactory revenge 
 on Michael Geraghty. 
 
 "I'll trust you," he said at last, "without 
 your promising, but it'll be a bad thing for 
 me that has to live among the people here 
 if it ever gets out that I gave you the word." 
 
 " Don't do it unless you like," said Mr. 
 Eccles. " I'm not asking you for any 
 information." 
 
 " I will do it. I'm an honest man, and it 
 goes against me to see cheating and robbery 
 going on, even if it's only the Government 
 that's at the loss of the money. It's the 
 curse of this country the way men'll go 
 behind their bargains for the sake of trying 
 to make a pound or two." 
 
 " Those opinions do you the greatest 
 credit." 
 
 " Michael Geraghty is a friend of mine,"
 
 THE PIER 37 
 
 said Thady Glynn, "an old friend that I've 
 known since the both of us were barefooted 
 gossures running in and out of the school 
 beyond. But I wouldn't let him being my 
 friend stop me in doing my duty. There 
 was talk one time of his marrying a sister 
 of mine, though it didn't come off, owing 
 to a falling out there was over the girl's 
 fortune. I won't let that stop me." 
 
 " Don't," said Mr. Eccles. " Duty before 
 all things, especially public duty." 
 
 " If I were you," said Thady, sinking his 
 voice to a whisper, " I'd measure that pier. 
 I'm not saying there's anything wrong, but 
 if I was you, I'd measure it. That's all I'll 
 say, so make the most of it, you." 
 
 " Thank you," said Mr. Eccles. " I should 
 have measured it in any case." 
 
 He walked down to the pier and found 
 Dr. Whitty and Michael Geraghty waiting 
 for him. There was also a small crowd of 
 men, principally those who had taken some 
 part in building the pier. 
 
 "It's a glorious day," said the doctor. 
 " Hurry up over vetting the pier and then 
 we'll get rid of these fellows and have a 
 swim off the end of it."
 
 38 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "That's about all this pier will ever be 
 used for," said Mr Eccles. 
 
 His eye was fixed on a jagged reef of 
 rocks which lay plainly visible about twenty 
 yards seaward of the end of the pier, a 
 horrible menace to a boat approaching in 
 any but the calmest weather. 
 
 "It's a good pier," said Michael Geraghty. 
 "I don't know where you'd see a better." 
 
 "It is," said the group of bystanders in 
 chorus. "It's a credit to the man that 
 built it." 
 
 " Come on," said Dr. Whitty, " tap a 
 stone or two to see that they're real and then 
 sign whatever you have to sign." 
 
 "The stones are all right," said Mr. Eccles. 
 
 He opened a small brown bag which he 
 carried in his hand and took out a measuring- 
 tape. 
 
 " Surely to goodness," said the doctor, 
 "you're not going to spend the whole 
 morning measuring the thing ? " 
 
 Mr. Eccles beckoned to Michael Geraghty 
 and gave him the end of the tape. 
 
 " Take this," he said, " and hold on to it 
 while I walk out to the end of the pier." 
 
 Michael Geraghty did as he was bid.
 
 THE PIER 39 
 
 Mr. Eccles, letting the tape run out of its 
 case, walked rapidly along the pier. Michael 
 Geraghty, his eyes fixed on Mr. Eccles, took 
 three rapid steps backwards, dragging the 
 tape with him. Mr. Eccles turned sharply. 
 
 " I'm not surveying the field behind there," 
 he said. " Kindly stand where I put you." 
 
 " I didn't move a step," said Michael. 
 
 "You did." 
 
 "There's them here, "said Michael, "that'll 
 tell you I did not, if you ask them." 
 
 " I'm not going to ask them. Just you 
 go back to the place I put you, and stay 
 there." 
 
 Michael Geraghty went back. Mr. Eccles 
 resumed his expedition to the extremity of 
 the pier. As he did so, Michael gathered 
 the tape into a ball in his hand. When Mr. 
 Eccles reached the end of the pier Michael 
 had about five yards of tape crushed in his 
 palm. Mr. Eccles gave a sudden jerk, and 
 then, winding up his end of the tape, took the 
 measurement of the pier. He noted the 
 result on a slip of paper. Then he called 
 Michael Geraghty to him, stood him on the 
 point of the pier, walked shorewards himself, 
 and checked his first measurement carefully.
 
 40 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 This time he entered the figures in a note- 
 book. 
 
 "I am sorry," he said, "but I can't sign 
 the certificate authorising payment for this 
 work. The pier is twenty-seven feet short 
 of the length stated in our specification." 
 
 "Your honour, sir " said Michael 
 
 Geraghty. 
 
 "Yes?" 
 
 " If you make me add another twenty- 
 seven feet to the end of the pier I'll be 
 broke. I couldn't do it. It's little enough 
 I'm making out of it the way it is. I shan't 
 have a penny no, but I'll have a big lobs on 
 it, and you wouldn't like to be the means of 
 putting an honest poor man, with a wife and 
 family dependent on him, into the workhouse." 
 
 " I can't help myself," said Mr. Eccles. 
 "You don't surely expect me to sign a 
 certificate that the work's done when it 
 isn't." 
 
 " It's that damned traitor, Thady Glynn, 
 that put you up to measuring it. He's had 
 it in for me ever since the time the doctor 
 played the trick on him and the colonel, 
 when the Chief Secretary was in the town. 
 But I'll be even with him yet. I'll "
 
 THE PIER 41 
 
 "You shut up, Michael," said Dr. Whitty, 
 "and don't be making a fool of yourself. 
 Come on out of this, Eccles. I suppose, 
 after the way you've behaved to poor 
 Geraghty, you'd hardly care to bathe off 
 the end of his pier. It wouldn't be decent." 
 
 " If I'm hanged for it after," said Michael 
 Geraghty, " I'll make Thady Glynn sorry 
 for himself. If I don't " 
 
 "Be quiet, can't you, Michael?" said a 
 man from the crowd. " Be quiet, when the 
 doctor bids you. Don't you see him taking 
 the inspector by the arm and talking to him ? 
 It'll be all right, I tell you. The doctor'll 
 manage him if you don't get putting the 
 man's back up against you with the like of 
 that murdering talk." 
 
 " The doctor himself can't help me now," 
 said Michael despondingly. "I'm ruined 
 and destroyed, and it's all the fault of 
 Thady Glynn. There's ne'er another man 
 about the town would have done a turn 
 like that." 
 
 Mr. Eccles and the doctor left the pier 
 together and walked towards the town. 
 
 "That hotel-keeper," said Eccles, "seems 
 to be a pretty low-down species of beast.
 
 42 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 I suppose he had a spite against the 
 contractor." 
 
 "Geraghty was right, then," said the 
 doctor. "It was Thady Glynn put you up 
 to measuring the pier." 
 
 " I'd have done that in any case. Nothing 
 he said made a bit of difference. All the 
 same, I hope our friend Geraghty 
 Geraghty 's the name, isn't it? will give 
 him the thrashing he deserves, and a bit 
 over. You'd hardly believe it, but he tried 
 to persuade me this morning that he was 
 acting out of public spirit and honesty." 
 
 " Did he, then ? He must have taken you 
 for a bigger fool than I'd have thought you 
 look if he expected you to swallow that." 
 
 "It appears to me that you all mistook 
 me for a fool," said Eccles. " Did you 
 really suppose I'd certify for that pier 
 without measuring it ? " 
 
 "Look here," said the doctor, "surely to 
 goodness you're not really going to cut poor 
 Geraghty off without his money ? You can't 
 mean to do that." 
 
 " I am, of course. What else can I do ? 
 The beastly thing's twenty-seven feet too 
 short."
 
 THE PIER 43 
 
 " Come in here to my house till I talk to 
 you." 
 
 " I'll come in for an hour, if you like, but 
 after that I must go. And I warn you 
 fairly, you may talk till you're sick, but you 
 won't make me put my name to the bottom 
 of that certificate till the pier's the right 
 length." 
 
 Dr. Whitty set his friend down in a 
 comfortable chair, offered him whisky, which 
 he refused, and tobacco, which he accepted, 
 then he began. 
 
 " Geraghty," he said, "is a decent man, 
 and he's done good solid work on that pier. 
 You could see for yourself that the stones he 
 built it of were real stones. He didn't make 
 the least attempt to stick ycu there." 
 
 "If there'd been any other material in the 
 country cheaper than stones," said Eccles, " I 
 haven't the least doubt he'd have used it, and 
 tried to persuade me afterwards it was stone, 
 otherwise I dare say he's decent enough." 
 
 "Thady Glynn is a horrid blackguard," 
 said the doctor. "He's a blood-sucking 
 money-lender, for one thing, and has half 
 the people in the country round in his power. 
 He's the sort of man that the devil himself
 
 44 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 will be squeamish about making a bonfire of 
 for fear of the smell there'll be afterwards." 
 
 " I can quite believe it. From the little 
 I saw of him this morning I'd say the breath 
 of him would go near poisoning any decent 
 brigand." 
 
 " And yet," said the doctor, " you propose 
 to back this very scoundrel, to aid and abet 
 him in his plan for ruining poor Michael 
 Geraghty. You ought to be ashamed of 
 yourself, Eccles. You, a member of the 
 Government, whose business it is to protect 
 decent people and do justice, you actually 
 propose to do Thady Glynn's dirty work 
 for him and help him to wreak his beastly 
 vengeance on a man like Geraghty who 
 never did anybody any harm." 
 
 "What's the use of talking like that, 
 Whitty ? You know perfectly well I can't 
 sign the certificate." 
 
 " Why not ? " 
 
 " Because the pier's twenty-seven feet 
 short. That's why. Build a bit on to it 
 and I'll sign with pleasure." 
 
 " He can't build a bit on. He's got no 
 money." 
 
 "Well, then, I can't sign the certificate."
 
 THE PIER 45 
 
 " I don't see what harm it would do you 
 to sign it. You could sign it if you liked." 
 
 " Hang it, Whitty, it's not a question of 
 what I like or don't like. I'm simply a 
 servant of the Government. The Govern- 
 ment grants the money for a pier a certain 
 number of feet long, and I'm " 
 
 " Don't come the Government official over 
 me," said the doctor, "for I won't stand it. 
 What on earth does the Government know 
 or care about the pier ? I've been running 
 the whole show from the beginning, and I 
 give you my word the Chief Secretary never 
 so much as asked where we proposed to 
 plant the thing when we got it." 
 
 " I don't see what that has to do with it." 
 
 " It has everything to do with it. You 
 don't suppose, surely, that the Government 
 really intended to build a useful kind of 
 marine work in Ballintra? No Government 
 could. The thing's absurd on the face of it. 
 What the Government meant to do was to 
 drop a round sum of money into the town 
 for the benefit of the inhabitants. That's 
 what it intended all along. That's what 
 it tried to do, and what it would do, if 
 you hadn't come along with your ridiculous
 
 46 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 measuring- tape and a thing inside you that, 
 I suppose, you call a conscience, and de- 
 feated the excellent intentions of the Chief 
 Secretary and the good men who are 
 advising him. You think you are acting 
 on your instructions and that you'll get 
 credit for it afterwards. Let me tell you 
 you won't. There's nothing a Government 
 hates more than an official who can't see 
 beyond the letter of what he has written 
 down for him. All the great worries that 
 Governments have are the results of pig- 
 headed literalness of stupid officials. Look 
 at the case of the king who had Thomas a 
 Becket murdered. Did he mean to murder 
 him ? Not at all. Some fool of an official, 
 a fellow very like you, Eccles, went and did 
 literally what he was told, instead of con- 
 sidering what the king really meant. There 
 was jolly nearly being a revolution after- 
 wards. It is just the same in this case. 
 By obeying the letter of your orders you 
 are defeating the spirit of them. I've told 
 you what the Chief Secretary wanted to do. 
 Are you going to take the responsibility of 
 stopping him ? " 
 
 " I'm not going to sign the certificate. If
 
 THE PIER 47 
 
 the Chief Secretary likes to pay the money 
 over without the certificate he can, of course. 
 I won't prevent him." 
 
 " Look at the matter this way," said the 
 doctor. "The pier's no earthly use. You 
 know that, don't you ? " 
 
 Mr. Eccles smiled. 
 
 " I quite admit that." 
 
 " Would it be any more use if it was 
 twenty -seven feet longer than it is at 
 present ? " 
 
 " Not a bit. It wouldn't be any use if it 
 was a mile long." 
 
 " Would it be any less use if it was 
 twenty-seven feet shorter ? " 
 
 "It couldn't," said Mr. Eccles, "by any 
 possibility be less use than it is at present." 
 
 " Then why on earth make all this fuss 
 about a beggarly twenty - seven feet ? I 
 could understand your kicking up a row if 
 the thing was ever going to be any good to 
 man or beast, but it isn't. Except, as I 
 said, for bathing off it's no good at all, and 
 you can only bathe off it comfortably at high 
 tide. Be reasonable, Eccles." 
 
 " I can't sign the certificate." 
 
 "Very well. I've done my best with
 
 48 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 you. I can do no more. But I warn you 
 fairly, Eccles, that I mean to get that money 
 for poor Geraghty. I'm not going to see 
 him stuck." 
 
 " All right. Petition the Chief Secretary. 
 I don't mind. But I'll be surprised if you 
 get it." 
 
 " I'm not going to petition the Chief 
 Secretary or any other fool thing of the 
 sort. I'm going to persuade Michael 
 Geraghty to lengthen the pier. I suppose 
 you'll come down again any time we send 
 for you, and sign the certificate when we 
 have the extra twenty-seven feet added on." 
 
 "Of course I will, with the greatest 
 pleasure. But mind me now, Whitty, it 
 must be full length. Don't fetch me down all 
 this way if you're only going to add on six feet." 
 
 " I'll see it's right next time." 
 
 " I suppose it won't actually ruin 
 Geraghty ? " 
 
 " No, it won't. Don't fret about that. We 
 only said that to excite your compassion." 
 
 " So I thought. And now what about this 
 holicUy of ours ? Is ist September fixed ? " 
 
 " I'll join you that day in Dublin," said 
 Dr. Whitty, " We'll cross to Liverpool, and
 
 THE PIER 49 
 
 then make our way up to the Lakes the 
 best we can. We'll have a great time. It's 
 a pity I can't get more than a fortnight. I 
 shall envy you your extra week." 
 
 He bid good-bye to Mr. Eccles at the 
 door. Michael Geraghty, who was standing 
 disconsolately near the doctor's house, took 
 off his hat and bowed humbly as Mr. Eccles 
 passed him. Then he joined Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " Did you get him persuaded, doctor?" 
 
 " I did not. I tried my best with him, 
 Michael, but I failed." 
 
 "It couldn't be expected that you'd do 
 anything else," said Michael. " He's a hard 
 man that, as hard as e'er a one ever I met." 
 
 " Don't give up heart, Michael. We're 
 not beat yet by a long way." 
 
 "It's not easy to see what more we 
 can do." 
 
 "You couldn't build the bit on that he 
 wants ? " 
 
 " I could not. I'm telling you the truth, 
 doctor. It would cost me more than I'm 
 worth in the world, and more than I'd be 
 able to borrow, and more than I'd get at 
 the latter end if so be every penny was paid 
 me. Thanks be to God I don't owe that 
 4
 
 50 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 old reprobate, Thady Glynn, a penny this 
 minute. I've paid him off; but there's a 
 bill of mine in the bank beyond at Dunbeg 
 that'll be due next week, and the Lord knows 
 where the money's to come from to pay it." 
 
 "You go over there, Michael, and try will 
 they renew it for you for another three 
 months with my name on the back of it." 
 
 " I'll not do it, doctor. I'm obliged to 
 you ; but I'll not do it. I wouldn't be able 
 to pay it in three months no more than I am 
 this minute, and then they'd come down on 
 you. You've been a good friend of mine, 
 and I'll not ask you to go security for what 
 I'll never be able to pay." 
 
 " You'll be able to pay it all right when 
 you get the money from the Government for 
 building the pier, and that'll be let me see 
 now, this is the first week in August that'll 
 be in nine weeks from now at the outside." 
 
 " It'll never be," said Michael. 
 
 Even the doctor's confidence failed to 
 inspire him with any hope. 
 
 " Come inside for a minute till I talk to 
 you," said the doctor. 
 
 " I'll come," said Michael. " But where's 
 the use ? All the talk in the world won't
 
 THE PIER 51 
 
 get me the money that Thady Glynn has 
 me robbed of." 
 
 An hour later Michael Geraghty left the 
 doctor's house. His face still expressed 
 anxiety, but the look of blank despair was 
 gone from it. He walked down to the 
 hotel, followed by a considerable number of 
 the inhabitants of Ballintra, who hoped to 
 see him commit an immediate assault upon 
 Thady Glynn. To the amazement of every- 
 body present, he greeted Thady in the 
 friendliest way and ordered a bottle of 
 porter. Thady himself was puzzled. He 
 realised that Mr. Eccles must have kept his 
 warning a secret, but he did not understand 
 how Michael Geraghty came to be as cheer- 
 ful as he was. 
 
 " I hope," said Thady, "that you got your 
 money all right out of the inspector." 
 
 "I did not," said Michael. "There's a 
 couple of things he wanted to have seen to, 
 trifles just that I'll be able to settle in a week 
 at the outside. Then I'll get the money." 
 
 Thady, who knew Michael's financial 
 position down to the last penny, was annoyed 
 as well as puzzled. It seemed that his bomb 
 of vengeance had somehow failed to explode.
 
 52 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 He asked Michael a great many questions. 
 He asked a great many questions of all his 
 customers, but he got no information which 
 threw any real light on the matter. Michael 
 Geraghty would not tell him anything, and 
 kept repeating his plainly incredible state- 
 ment about the few trifles to be seen after. 
 Nobody else had any information to give. 
 
 Early in the third week in September Dr. 
 Whitty received a letter from his friend, Mr. 
 Eccles. 
 
 "DEAR WHITTY, " it ran "When I re- 
 turned to the office on Monday I found that 
 your friend, Michael Geraghty, had been paid 
 in full for his pier. It seems that he wrote up 
 to the office and asked for an inspector to 
 go down and sign his certificate. They sent 
 old Thompson, who says he measured his 
 pier carefully, and that it was eighteen inches 
 over the full length. Old Thompson is a 
 bit of an ass, of course, but he couldn't have 
 made a mistake about a simple job like that, 
 particularly as I had left a note before I 
 started that the pier was short and would 
 have to be measured before the certificate 
 was signed. Would you mind telling me, in 
 confidence, how you managed it ? I promise 
 not to make a fuss, and, of course, even if I
 
 THE PIER 53 
 
 did, we couldn't get the money back now. 
 I ask out of pure curiosity. As a matter of 
 fact, I'm glad the poor fellow has got paid. 
 Don't waste paper and a postage stamp tell- 
 ing me he built the twenty-seven feet on 
 to the pier, for I shouldn't believe it. It 
 couldn't be done in the time." 
 
 To this Dr. Whitty replied by return of 
 post. 
 
 11 DEAR ECCLES, I had the whole matter 
 settled before you left Ballintra that day. It 
 was perfectly simple, and anybody except a 
 hide-bound official would have hit on the 
 dodge at once. We added the twenty-seven 
 feet to the shore end of the pier. It cost 
 Michael Geraghty next to nothing. He had 
 to dig down a grass bank and make a sort of 
 paved causeway. That's all. Stones, as you 
 said, are cheap here, and I helped him to dig 
 the bank. Ever yours very sincerely, 
 
 " E. WHITTY 
 
 "P.S. I entertained your friend Thompson 
 to keep him out of Thady Glynn's way. He's 
 a decent old boy, but he punished my whisky. 
 I had to make Michael Geraghty give me a 
 present of a bottle when he got his cheque."
 
 Ill 
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 
 
 " T DON'T think you've ever met my 
 
 -L daughter, Mrs. Challoner," said Colonel 
 Beresford to Dr. Whitty one day near the 
 end of October. 
 
 "No," said the doctor, "I haven't. She 
 hasn't been over in Ballintra since I've been 
 in the place." 
 
 " She very seldom pays me a visit," said 
 the colonel. " She's a good deal tied to 
 London. Her husband is a barrister, and 
 when he gets a holiday he likes to go 
 abroad. However, it seems she's been 
 working too hard lately, and has knocked 
 herself up. She's coming over here for 
 rest and quiet." 
 
 "She'll get them both. I don't know 
 anywhere with more quiet about it than 
 Ballintra in the autumn." 
 
 Dr. Whitty wondered what Mrs. Challoner
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 55 
 
 worked at in London, but he was too well- 
 mannered a man to ask a direct question. 
 
 " I dare say you've seen her name in the 
 papers," said the colonel. "It has been 
 pretty prominent in the discussions about 
 Woman's Suffrage. She has taken the 
 matter up, and, like all women, she's 
 tremendously keen." 
 
 Dr. Whitty had not seen her name. He 
 seldom saw an English paper, and unless 
 a woman makes herself very remarkable 
 indeed, unless she gets imprisoned in cir- 
 cumstances of an entirely novel kind, the 
 Irish papers take no notice of her. 
 
 " Of course I have," said Dr. Whitty ; " but 
 I didn't think of her being your daughter." 
 
 " I wish she wouldn't do it," said the 
 colonel. " It's too much for her. I quite 
 agree with her view of the question, but 
 I'd sooner she left the heavy end of the 
 work to some one else." 
 
 This surprised Dr. Whitty a good deal. 
 He would not have suspected Colonel 
 Beresford of being an advocate of Woman's 
 Suffrage. 
 
 " I don't know what your opinions on 
 the subject are," said the colonel.
 
 56 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Dr. Whitty had no opinions. Woman's 
 Suffrage is not a burning question in 
 Connacht ; he had never given it a moment's 
 serious thought. 
 
 " I entirely agree with you and Mrs. 
 Challoner," he said. " I don't see how 
 any man, not actually blinded by prejudice, 
 can take the other view." 
 
 " I'm glad to hear that, because I want to 
 ask you up to dinner to meet my daughter 
 when she arrives, but I couldn't do it if you 
 had been likely to disagree with her. She's 
 not a woman who tolerates any difference of 
 opinion. She likes arguing, and arguments 
 on that subject bore me." 
 
 " I don't want to argue," said the doctor. 
 " I shall agree with every word she says, even 
 if she goes further than I'm inclined to go 
 myself." 
 
 " It's a pity she does it," said the colonel. 
 " She's right, of course, in principle, but I 
 can't help feeling a dislike for her making 
 herself so prominent in public. Of course, 
 not having any children, she naturally wants 
 something to occupy her mind." 
 
 " You can't expect all women to have 
 children," said the doctor tolerantly.
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 57 
 
 " There'd be too many children in the 
 world if they were all like Mrs. Michael 
 Geraghty. She has thirteen." 
 
 Mrs. Challoner turned out to be a most 
 charming lady. Her clothes in themselves 
 excited the reverent admiration of Dr. 
 Whitty. He had never in his life seen 
 anything so fine as the black and green 
 evening gown she wore at dinner. It 
 glittered all over with little shiny discs 
 which he discovered afterwards were called 
 sequins. Her figure was regal. She was 
 at least four inches taller than the doctor, 
 and looked quite as tall as the colonel, 
 who of late years stooped a little. She 
 moved with a sumptuous grace which made 
 it a pleasure to watch her cross the room. 
 She had large flashing eyes, and a smile 
 which made the doctor's heart beat rapidly. 
 He fell a victim to her before he had been 
 ten minutes in her company, and after he 
 had taken her in to dinner he felt that Mr. 
 Challoner, the barrister, was an exceedingly 
 fortunate man. 
 
 The conversation turned at once on the 
 question of Woman's Suffrage. 
 
 "I'm glad to hear, Dr. Whitty," said
 
 58 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Mrs. Challoner, "that you take our view 
 of the matter." 
 
 "I do, thoroughly." 
 
 "It seems such a pity that women should 
 neglect to use the enormous influence for 
 good they might have and ought to have." 
 
 "It is a pity. When I look round the 
 women of this town, for instance, and think 
 what a difference it would make if only " 
 
 " I like to think of woman," said Mrs. 
 Challoner, " not as the rival of man, not 
 as a competitor for the prizes of the market- 
 place, but as his comrade." 
 
 Dr. Whitty was a little puzzled. He had 
 a vague idea that the advocates of Woman's 
 Suffrage did want to be rivals and competitors. 
 
 " Quite so," he said. " Look at Mrs. 
 Michael Geraghty, for instance " 
 
 " I was thinking," said Mrs. Challoner, 
 who generally interrupted anyone else who 
 spoke, "of trying to do a little work 
 among the women here now that I am 
 over with them. I suppose there would be no 
 difficulty about getting up a public meeting ? " 
 
 " My dear," said the colonel, alarmed, 
 "do recollect that you have come over 
 here for rest and quietness. It is absolutely
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 59 
 
 necessary I am sure Dr. Whitty will agree 
 with me that you ought not to address a 
 public meeting." He looked appealingly at 
 the doctor. 
 
 Unfortunately Dr. Whitty, besides being 
 exhilarated by the extraordinary beauty of 
 Mrs. Challoner's eyes and smile, had drunk 
 his first glass of champagne. He basely 
 deserted the colonel. 
 
 " I don't think one meeting would do 
 Mrs. Challoner any harm," he said. 
 
 "And besides," said the colonel, "you 
 couldn't possibly get up a meeting of the 
 sort in Ballintra. The people know nothing 
 about the subject, and care less." 
 
 "That seems to me," said Mrs. Challoner, 
 with a radiant smile, "all the more reason 
 for having a meeting. Don't you think so, 
 Dr. Whitty ? " 
 
 " Certainly. I should like to see a strong 
 
 branch of your your " (he did not feel 
 
 quite certain whether Mrs. Challoner pre- 
 sided over a league, a guild, a union, an 
 association, or a simple society) "your 
 organisation established in Ballintra. Take 
 the case of Mrs. Michael Geraghty. That 
 poor woman "
 
 60 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " The priest won't like a meeting for 
 women," said the colonel ; "and you can't run 
 a thing of the sort here without the priest." 
 
 " We'll try," said Mrs. Challoner, smiling 
 again. " I have faced worse obstacles than 
 that." 
 
 " The priest will be all right," said Dr. 
 Whitty. "He's a reasonable man. If he's 
 approached the right way and talked to 
 sensibly he'll come to the meeting and make 
 a speech." 
 
 "He ought to, of course," said Mrs. 
 Challoner. " The Church has always taken 
 a strong line on the subject. We count on 
 the support of the clergy of every denomina- 
 tion wherever we go." 
 
 This surprised Dr. Whitty. He had always 
 supposed that the ecclesiastical mind was pre- 
 judiced against the enfranchisement of anyone. 
 
 "Perhaps," said Mrs. Challoner, "you'll 
 see the priest, Dr. Whitty, and talk to him. 
 My doctor has strictly forbidden me to 
 undertake any work I can possibly avoid. 
 Otherwise, of course, I should not dream of 
 encroaching on your time." 
 
 " I will," said Dr. Whitty. " I'll see him 
 to-morrow. I'll work the whole thing up for
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 61 
 
 you. You'll want women and not men at 
 the meeting ? " 
 
 " Certainly. Get all the women you can. 
 It's a woman's question, and it ought to be 
 settled by women. I shall have a copy of 
 our monster petition sent over from our 
 London office, and, after the meeting, we 
 can obtain the signatures of those present." 
 
 " Some of them can't write very well," 
 said the doctor, "but we'll make their marks 
 for them. Mrs. Michael Geraghty will 
 come. So will Mrs. Thady Glynn and her 
 eldest daughter, who's just home from school. 
 You won't object to Mrs. Glynn, will you, 
 colonel ? " 
 
 " I won't have him" said the colonel. 
 " Remember that now, doctor. No tricks 
 like that deputation one." 
 
 " Certainly not. You'll be quite safe. I 
 won't have a man in the room except Father 
 Henaghan, Mr. Jackson you'd like to have 
 him, of course, when you're having the priest 
 and myself. We don't count. Clergy and 
 doctors occupy a sort of intermediate position 
 between the two sexes. We're not really 
 either one thing or the other." 
 
 Next day Dr. Whitty felt rather less
 
 62 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 confident about the success of his mission 
 to the town of Ballintra. The daylight of 
 an October morning is not a good tonic for 
 a fading enthusiasm. Tea breakfast tea 
 does not exhilarate as champagne does. Mrs. 
 Challoner's eyes and smile were with him 
 still, but only as a memory. Their radiance 
 no longer made the world seem an easy thing 
 to conquer. Nevertheless, being a man of 
 great hopefulness, he went out and called on 
 the priest. 
 
 " Good morning, Father Henaghan. You 
 know Mrs. Challoner, of course." 
 
 " Is that the colonel's daughter? I know 
 the look of her, but I never spoke three words 
 to her." 
 
 " She wants to get up a meeting in the 
 town," said the doctor, " in favour of 
 Woman's Suffrage. I suppose you won't 
 have any objection to taking the chair ? " 
 
 " A meeting in favour of what ? " 
 
 " Woman's Suffrage, giving women votes, 
 you know. It's a capital thing; the Church 
 all over the world has pronounced in favour 
 of it." 
 
 "I'll take the chair at no such meeting." 
 
 "I'm sorry to hear you say that," said the
 
 MRS. CHALLONEITS PUBLIC MEETING 63 
 
 doctor. "By taking up that sort of re- 
 actionary attitude you will be throwing 
 yourself into opposition to the great majority 
 of the clergy. Mrs. Challoner told me last 
 night that everywhere she went she had the 
 support of the clergy." 
 
 " It's different in England. England's a 
 Protestant country." 
 
 " She wasn't talking of England. She was 
 talking of Ireland. Why, your own bishop 
 is as strongly in favour of it as any man." 
 
 "What makes you say that? I never 
 heard it of him." 
 
 " Mrs. Challoner told me so," said the 
 doctor, lying boldly, "and she'd be sure to 
 know." 
 
 " She's mistaken," said the priest. "The 
 bishop has more sense." 
 
 " I don't see what harm it can do you to 
 preside," said the doctor. " You may just as 
 well do the civil thing when you're asked. 
 We won't let it get into the papers." 
 
 " I'm against it," said the priest. "That's 
 why I won't do it. In my opinion women 
 are a deal better without votes." 
 
 " Of course they are. I quite agree with 
 you."
 
 64 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Then why should I be getting votes for 
 them ? " 
 
 "You won't, if you presided at fifty 
 meetings. If you presided at one, once a 
 week for five years, you wouldn't get a vote 
 for a solitary woman at the end of it. Come 
 now, Father Henaghan, it's a mere question 
 of obliging a lady." 
 
 " What use would votes be to women if 
 they had them ? " 
 
 " None," said the doctor, " none whatever. 
 They'd never use them. Votes aren't any 
 use to men ; so it's not likely they would be 
 to women if they got them, which, of course, 
 they won't." 
 
 "Then what's the good of the meeting?" 
 
 " The same good as all the other meetings. 
 In fact, this one will be a great deal more 
 good than most. For if you preside at it, 
 like a sensible man, the colonel will be so 
 pleased that he'll give you that field beyond 
 my house for your new school. You want 
 that field badly, you know you do." 
 
 " I have a great respect for the colonel,' 
 said the priest. 
 
 "Then you'll preside at the meeting. I 
 knew you would."
 
 MRS. CHALLONEITS PUBLIC MEETING 65 
 
 " If I do," said the priest, " I'll not make 
 a speech." 
 
 " You needn't. All that's necessary is for 
 you to introduce Mrs. Challoner in a few 
 well-chosen words, something about a charm- 
 ing and distinguished lady whose career has 
 been watched with interest by the people of 
 her native town." 
 
 " I know what to say," said the priest, 
 "without your teaching me." 
 
 " You do, of course. Good-bye. Oh, by 
 the way, Tuesday next is the day. Eight 
 o'clock in the schoolroom." 
 
 Dr. Whitty had much less difficulty at the 
 rectory. He saw Mrs. Jackson first. She 
 was a lady with leanings towards culture, 
 and an unsatisfied desire for what she 
 thought of as a "fuller life." She was 
 greatly interested in hearing that Mrs. 
 Challoner was an ardent advocate of 
 Woman's Suffrage. It appeared to her from 
 the short sketch the doctor gave her of the 
 objects of the movement that it was just the 
 thing she had always been looking out for, 
 something that would lift her soul out of 
 the dreary monotony of house cleaning and 
 baby culture. She promised to use her 
 5
 
 66 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 influence to persuade her husband to attend 
 the meeting. She went to the door of the 
 room and called him in a loud voice until he 
 came. 
 
 Mr. Jackson held no strong views on any 
 political subject except temperance. About 
 that he was violent and extreme. He 
 wanted a Bill passed forbidding the sale of 
 alcohol in any form, except in chemists' 
 shops on presentation of a written order from 
 a medical man. Dr. Whitty knew this and 
 shaped his arguments to suit the circum- 
 stances. 
 
 "In Finland," he said, "the effect of the 
 women's vote you know, of course, that 
 women have votes in Finland has been 
 to close every public-house in the entire 
 country, and to make the manufacture of 
 whisky a criminal offence." 
 
 Mr. Jackson, though his favourite study 
 was temperance legislation, had never heard 
 of the drastic action of the Finnish Parlia- 
 ment. He expressed surprise. 
 
 " I'm not telling you that on my own 
 authority," said the doctor; "in fact, I never 
 heard it until Mrs. Challoner mentioned it to 
 me last night at dinner. But she ought to
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 67 
 
 know. She's gone into all these questions 
 thoroughly. Her husband, as you know, is 
 an international lawyer, makes speeches at 
 the Hague Conference, sits on Boards of 
 Arbitration, and that kind of thing." 
 
 " I suppose she's right," said Mr. Jackson, 
 "but I never heard of it." 
 
 " That being so," said Dr. Whitty, " you 
 will of course support this Suffrage move- 
 ment. What we want you to do is to open 
 the meeting by proposing that Father 
 Henaghan takes the chair. Quite a short 
 speech will do. You needn't say much about 
 the question itself. Mrs. Challoner will have 
 all the arguments ready cut and dried when 
 her turn comes. All you have to do is to be 
 sympathetic in a general way. You could 
 mention, if you like, that the hand which 
 rocks the cradle ought to rule the world ; or 
 any other little thing of that kind that occurred 
 to you. You'll know, better than I can, what 
 the proper thing is." 
 
 Mrs. Jackson added her voice to Dr. 
 Whitty's, and the rector allowed himself to 
 be persuaded. When the doctor had left 
 the house, he wrote to the secretary of the 
 Total Abstinence Society to which he be-
 
 68 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 longed for all the pamphlets in existence 
 which dealt with the temperance question in 
 Finland. 
 
 Dr. Whitty walked up towards Ballintra 
 House, intending to report his success to 
 Mrs. Challoner. On the way he met Michael 
 Geraghty, who, pursuing his profession of 
 builder and contractor, was erecting a new 
 cow byre for a farmer near the village. 
 
 " Look here, Michael," said the doctor, " I 
 want your wife to attend a meeting in the 
 schoolroom at eight o'clock on Tuesday next." 
 
 " Herself might go," said Michael. "But 
 she has her hands full with the baby. I'm 
 not sure that she'll be able." 
 
 " The baby's a girl, isn't it?" said the doctor. 
 
 " It is. It's the tenth girl." 
 
 "Then tell her to bring it. I couldn't 
 have asked it if it had been a boy. Be sure 
 now, Michael, you don't forget to tell her. 
 I can't be running round the town inviting 
 everybody twice." 
 
 " Doctor," called Michael Geraghty, as 
 Whitty left him, "did you say it was the 
 preventing of consumption the meeting was 
 for?" 
 
 " No, it's not"
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 69 
 
 " Then it'll be dairying, or cookery, 
 maybe ? " 
 
 " No. It's not. It's Woman's Suffrage." 
 
 " It'll be all the same to herself," said 
 Michael Geraghty. " Only it would be as 
 well for her to be told, so as she'd know what 
 to be expecting. I'll give her the message." 
 
 The day of the meeting arrived. As soon 
 as the children had gone home, Dr. Whitty 
 took possession of the schoolroom. He 
 swept it out with a brush he borrowed from 
 the schoolmaster's wife, working vigorously 
 but not very effectively. He disturbed a 
 great deal of dirt, but got very little of it out 
 of the door. He arranged the forms and 
 desks in rows, so that the audience would be 
 obliged to face the speakers. He put the 
 schoolmaster's kitchen table at the top of the 
 room and covered it with a green cloth which 
 came from his own dining-room. He placed 
 two vases full of roses, supplied by Colonel 
 Beresford's gardener, on the table, got a pen, 
 a bottle of ink, and a sheet of blotting-paper. 
 Then he went home and had something to 
 eat. At half-past seven he got back to the 
 schoolroom. At twenty-five minutes to eight 
 Mrs. Michael Geraghty came in. Dr. Whitty,
 
 70 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 who was anxious about the size of the 
 audience, welcomed her heartily. 
 
 " I ran round," she said, " to tell you that 
 I couldn't attend the meeting. The baby's 
 that cross I couldn't bring her, for fear she'd 
 be disturbing the people with her crying, and 
 I daren't leave her." 
 
 "You'll stay here, now you are here," said 
 the doctor. 
 
 " Where's the use ? " she said. " I heard 
 all they had to say about domestic economy, 
 or whatever it is they call it, the last meeting 
 there was in it. What's more, I didn't think 
 much of it." 
 
 "This isn't domestic economy. It's 
 Woman's Suffrage. And you've got to 
 stay." 
 
 "I'd do a deal for you, doctor, but the 
 baby " 
 
 " Sit down now and don't talk. Here's 
 somebody else." 
 
 It was Thady Glynn's daughter, very 
 sumptuously arrayed in a blue dress. Her 
 hat was magnificent. She apologised for 
 her mother's absence. Four more women 
 dribbled in after her, and gathered in a close 
 group round Mrs. Michael Geraghty. Miss
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 71 
 
 Glynn sat on the front bench by herself. 
 There was a noise of wheels. Dr. Whitty 
 rushed to the door, fearing that Mrs. Challoner 
 might have arrived before her time. He was 
 met by six women, four of them female 
 servants from Ballintra House ; the fifth, 
 Mrs. Challoner's own maid, whose opinions 
 on the subject of the suffrage were probably 
 formed ; the sixth, the coachman's wife. 
 They took their places in a prim row on the 
 back bench, and sat very much as they did 
 in the great hall of Ballintra House while the 
 colonel read prayers in the morning. At ten 
 minutes to eight Mr. and Mrs. Jackson arrived. 
 Dr. Whitty placed Mr. Jackson on one of 
 the chairs behind the table, and arranged 
 Mrs. Jackson at a decent distance from Miss 
 Glynn on the front bench. Father Henaghan 
 came next. He looked round the audience 
 and grinned. 
 
 " You haven't got very many people," he 
 said. 
 
 " I have not," said the doctor. "It got 
 out some way that you didn't approve of 
 the meeting, and so they wouldn't come. I 
 shouldn't be surprised if the colonel refused 
 to give you that field after all."
 
 72 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 The priest had something to say in reply, 
 but the arrival of Mrs. Challoner prevented 
 his saying it. She, too, glanced at the empty 
 benches, but she had the grace to conceal 
 her disappointment. Dr. Whitty placed her 
 in a chair beside Mr. Jackson. The school- 
 master's wife arrived immediately after Mrs. 
 Challoner, and sat by herself in front of the 
 Ballintra House servants. Dr. Whitty 
 crossed the room and whispered to Mr. 
 Jackson. The rector rose nervously. 
 
 " Ladies and gentlemen," he said, " I have 
 much pleasure in proposing that Father 
 Henaghan take the chair. I shall not detain 
 you with any remarks of my own on a 
 subject about which I hope to know more 
 when I leave this room than I do at present. 
 But I think I ought to say that, in so far as 
 Woman's Suffrage promotes the cause of 
 temperance throughout the world, it has my 
 sincerest sympathy." 
 
 Dr. Whitty applauded this sentiment 
 vigorously. It struck him that Mrs. Challoner 
 did not look pleased, and he wished that 
 Mr. Jackson would express himself more 
 warmly. It seemed a pity to rest his support 
 of the Suffrage movement entirely on tem-
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 73 
 
 perance. He sincerely hoped that no mention 
 would be made of the remarkable achieve- 
 ment of the women of Finland. Mr. Jackson 
 did not say much more, but he succeeded, to 
 Dr. Whitty's gratification, in working in the 
 proverb about rocking the cradle and ruling 
 the world. 
 
 Father Henagfhan took the chair amid 
 
 o 
 
 loud applause from Dr. Whitty, backed by 
 the tapping of the schoolmistress' umbrella 
 on the floor. The priest began his speech 
 by saying that he was glad to have the 
 opportunity of welcoming to their midst a 
 lady whose brilliant and striking career had 
 long been watched with deep interest 
 and unfailing admiration by the people 
 of Ballintra. The sentence was so well 
 rounded and delivered with such fervour 
 that it was applauded by several members of 
 the audience as well as by Dr. Whitty and the 
 schoolmaster's wife. Mrs. Challoner's face 
 cleared. She evidently liked the priest's speech, 
 so far, better than she had liked the rector's. 
 " I'm sorry," Father Henaghan went on, 
 "that we haven't a better room in which to 
 welcome the lady who has come to address 
 us. This school isn't what it ought to be,
 
 74 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 but there's talk of building a new one, more 
 suited to the needs of the parish, and more 
 appropriate to the accommodation of meet- 
 ings of this sort. I think I may say that if 
 we had a suitable site we wouldn't be long in 
 getting together the money for the building." 
 
 He glanced round at Mrs. Challoner to 
 see how she was taking the hint. She 
 smiled and nodded in the most encouraging 
 manner. Father Henaghan felt he might 
 complete the impression he had evidently 
 made on her by a few judicious words on the 
 subject of Female Suffrage. 
 
 " With regard to the cause which we have 
 assembled here to support," he said, "it 
 wouldn't suit me to be saying too much. 
 I'm a man myself, and in my opinion it's 
 women who ought to look into the matter. 
 I haven't what you call a strong opinion 
 either one way or the other." 
 
 The schoolmaster's wife applauded feebly 
 with her umbrella. Mrs. Michael Geraghty, 
 noticing that the doctor was looking the 
 other way, slipped as quietly as possible 
 from the room. She was really anxious 
 about her baby. Mrs. Challoner appeared 
 puzzled and slightly annoyed. Dr. Whitty
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 75 
 
 winked ferociously at Father Henaghan. He 
 was watching Mrs. Challoner's face, and he 
 didn't like the look of it. The priest glanced 
 round quickly and saw the incipient frown 
 which had aroused Dr. Whitty's alarm. He felt 
 he must improve on his non-committal attitude. 
 
 "I haven't," he said, "what you'd call a 
 strong opinion, but I may tell you this : if I 
 had an opinion, it would be entirely in favour 
 of Woman's Suffrage ; and, what's more, if 
 any one among you wants a good argument 
 in favour of women being given the right to 
 vote, let him look at Mrs. Challoner. I defy 
 any man to doubt that if she had a vote she'd 
 use it well." 
 
 After this effort he felt he could do no 
 more. He called upon Mrs. Challoner to 
 address the meeting and sat down. 
 
 Mrs. Challoner stood up, and there was 
 no doubt she was in an uncommonly bad 
 temper. Dr. Whitty was anxious and 
 puzzled. The servants from Ballintra House 
 fidgeted nervously. 
 
 " I came here to-night," she began, " under 
 the impression that I was to address a meet- 
 ing of opponents to the monstrous and 
 ridiculous demands for Votes for Women.
 
 76 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 I find I was mistaken. The two clergymen 
 who addressed you appear to be in favour of 
 what I regard as the degradation of my sex." 
 
 Mr. Jackson, who had not paid much 
 attention to Father Henaghan's speech, 
 woke up with a start and looked surprised. 
 Father Henaghan glared savagely at Dr. 
 Whitty. 
 
 "In the circumstances," said Mrs. 
 Challoner, " I am thankful to observe that 
 this is an extremely small meeting, and 
 apparently quite wanting in enthusiasm. I 
 am glad of it. The other women those 
 who are not present have shown good 
 taste and sound sense in staying away. I 
 do not know that I ought to address you at 
 all to-night, but I shall say a few words in the 
 hope that I may convince some of the least 
 obstinate among you of the folly of the course 
 you are bent on pursuing." 
 
 Her eyes were fixed as she spoke on 
 Colonel Beresford's under-housemaid. The 
 poor girl trembled visibly. Mrs. Challoner 
 then denounced all supporters of Woman's 
 Suffrage, especially those whom she called 
 the " Male Suffragettes." Her speech lasted 
 for more than half an hour. She repeated
 
 MRS. CHALLONEirS PUBLIC MEETING 77 
 
 with contemptuous emphasis a large number 
 of witticisms which had appeared in comic 
 papers. She quoted, though without refer- 
 ence to the original documents, a good 
 many articles from London daily papers. 
 She explained that she was a leading member 
 of an organisation of right-minded women 
 pledged to resist to the uttermost the 
 demands of infatuated members of their sex. 
 She produced at last a copy of a petition to 
 Parliament. It asked, so she informed her 
 audience, that the suffrage should never, 
 under any pressure, be granted to women. 
 
 "I do not suppose," she said, "that more 
 than one or two of those present will sign it." 
 She glanced, as she spoke, at her own maid, 
 who had signed twice before, " but I mean 
 to take it round the town to-morrow myself 
 and obtain the signatures of those who have 
 had the good sense not to attend this meet- 
 ing." 
 
 She sat down. Father Henaghan, a little 
 redder in the face than usual, but with a 
 twinkle in his eye, called upon Dr. Whitty 
 to propose a vote of thanks to Mrs. 
 Challoner. The doctor rose without ex- 
 hibiting any very obvious embarrassment.
 
 78 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Reverend chairman, ladies, and gentle- 
 men," he said, " I came here to-night a 
 convinced and determined supporter of 
 Woman's Suffrage. So did the Rev. Mr. 
 Jackson, so did Father Henaghan " 
 
 " I did not," exclaimed the priest. 
 
 Mr. Jackson, who seemed a good deal 
 bewildered, shook his head. 
 
 "You did," said the doctor, "both of you. 
 And there's no use your denying it, because 
 you committed yourselves in the speeches 
 you made. But it's open to you, as it is to 
 me, to change your views ; and I may say 
 that, after listening to the extraordinarily 
 powerful and convincing speech just made 
 by Mrs. Challoner, I have changed mine. 
 The ladies who have attended the meeting 
 have also, I feel certain, changed theirs. 
 That is the best compliment we can pay 
 Mrs. Challoner to-night, and by way of 
 showing that it's not a mere empty form of 
 words, I propose that every one here signs 
 the petition which has been laid on the table 
 before the chairman." 
 
 He sat down. Father Henaghan rose at 
 once. 
 
 "Ladies," he said, "let each one of you
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 79 
 
 step forward and sign the petition, and let 
 nobody leave the room till that's done." 
 
 " I don't want people to sign against their 
 will," said Mrs. Challoner. "If there's any 
 woman here who sincerely believes " 
 
 " There isn't," said Father Henaghan. 
 
 "There is not," said the doctor with 
 emphasis. " I know them all well, and there 
 isn't one that sincerely believes votes would 
 be the slightest use to her, if she had them 
 given out free by the stone, the same as 
 the Congested Districts Board would give 
 potatoes." 
 
 The petition was signed. Mrs. Challoner, 
 who went back to London early in November, 
 parted with Dr. Whitty on terms of the 
 warmest friendship. She afterwards spoke 
 of him as a singularly open-minded man, one 
 of the very few who are ready to surrender 
 an opinion when it is clearly shown to be
 
 IV 
 THE INTERPRETERS 
 
 AT the end of January, after three weeks 
 of violently stormy weather, the American 
 bark Kentucky went ashore at Carrigwee, 
 the headland which guards the northern 
 end of Ballintra Bay. She struck first on 
 some rocks a mile from the shore, drifted 
 over them and among them, and was washed 
 up, frightfully shattered, on the mainland. 
 The captain and the crew were saved, and 
 made their way into the town of Ballintra. 
 They were dispatched thence to Liverpool, 
 all of them except one sailor, a forecastle 
 hand, whose right leg had been broken by a 
 falling spar. This man was brought into 
 Ballintra in a cart by Michael Geraghty, and 
 taken to the workhouse hospital. He 
 arrived in a state of complete collapse, and 
 Dr. Whitty was sent for at once. 
 
 The sailor turned out to be a man of great
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 81 
 
 strength and vigour. He recovered from 
 the effects of the long exposure rapidly, had 
 his leg set, and was made as comfortable as 
 the combined efforts of the whole workhouse 
 hospital staff could make him. Then it was 
 noticed that he did not speak to anyone, and 
 was apparently unable to understand a word 
 that was said to him. The master of the 
 workhouse, after a consultation with the 
 matron and the nurse, came to the conclusion 
 that he must be a foreigner. Dr. Whitty was 
 sent for again and the fact reported to him. 
 
 "I was thinking," said the master, "that 
 you might be able to speak to him, doctor, so 
 as he'd be able to understand what you said." 
 
 "Well, I can't," said the doctor. "I'm 
 not a professional interpreter, but I don't 
 see that it much matters whether you're able 
 to talk to him or not. Give him his food. 
 He'll understand the meaning of a cup of 
 tea when it's offered him, whatever language 
 he's accustomed to speak. That's all you 
 need care about. As a matter of fact, he'll 
 be just as well off without having you and the 
 nurse and the matron sitting on the end 
 of his bed and gossiping with him all day 
 long."
 
 82 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "What's troubling me," said the master, 
 "is that I've no way of rinding out what 
 religion he is." 
 
 "I don't see," said the doctor, "that his 
 religion matters in the least to us. He's not 
 going to die." 
 
 " I know that. But I have to enter his 
 religion in the book. It's the rule that the 
 religion of every inmate of the house or the 
 hospital must be entered, and I'll get into 
 trouble after if I don't do it." 
 
 "Well," said the doctor, "there's no use 
 asking me about it. I can't talk to him any 
 better than you can, and there isn't any way 
 of telling by the feel of a man's leg whether 
 he's a Catholic or a Protestant." 
 
 "That may be," said the master, who 
 disliked this sort of flippant materialism, 
 "but if I was to enter him down as a 
 Catholic, and it turned out after that he was 
 a Protestant, there'd be a row I'd never hear 
 the end of; and if I was to have him down 
 as a Protestant, and him being a Catholic 
 all the time, there'd be a worse row." 
 
 Dr. Whitty was a good-natured man, and 
 was always ready to help anyone who was 
 in a difficulty. He felt for the master of the
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 83 
 
 workhouse. He also had a natural taste for 
 solving difficult problems, and the question 
 of the sailor's religion attracted him. 
 
 "Tell me this, now," he said. "Had he 
 any kind of a Prayer Book or a religious 
 emblem of any sort on him when you were 
 taking the clothes off him ? " 
 
 " Not one. I looked myself, and the 
 nurse went through his pockets after. Bar- 
 ring a lump of ship's tobacco and an old 
 knife there wasn't a thing on him." 
 
 "That's not much use to us," said the 
 doctor. " I never heard of a religion yet 
 that forbid the use of tobacco or objected to 
 people carrying penknives. If you'd found 
 a bottle of whisky on him, now, it might have 
 helped us. We'd have known then that he 
 wasn't a Mohammedan." 
 
 "What'll I do at all?" 
 
 " I'll tell you what it is," said the doctor. 
 " I'll go round the town and I'll collect all 
 the people in it that can speak any language 
 besides English. I'll bring them up here 
 and let them try him one by one. It'll be a 
 queer thing if we can't find somebody that 
 will be able to make him understand a 
 simple question."
 
 84 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Dr. Whitty called first at the Imperial 
 Hotel and had an interview with Lizzie 
 Glynn. 
 
 "Lizzie," he said, "you've had a good 
 education at one of the most expensive 
 convents in Ireland. Isn't that a fact?" 
 
 "It is," she said. "And I took a prize 
 one time for playing the piano." 
 
 " It's not piano-playing that I expect from 
 you now," said the doctor, " but languages. 
 You speak French, of course ? " 
 
 "I learned it," said Lizzie, "but I 
 wouldn't say I could talk it very fast." 
 
 " Never mind how slow you go," said the 
 doctor, " so long as you get it out in the end. 
 Are you good at German ? " 
 
 " I didn't learn German." 
 
 "Italian?" 
 
 " There was one of the sisters that knew 
 Italian," said Lizzie, "but it wasn't taught 
 regular." 
 
 " Russian ? Spanish ? Dutch ? " 
 
 Lizzie shook her head. 
 
 "That's a pity. Never mind. I'll put 
 you down for French, anyway. I'll take 
 you up with me to the workhouse hospital 
 at six o'clock this evening. I want you to
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 85 
 
 speak French to a man that's there, one oi 
 the sailors out of the ship that was wrecked." 
 
 " I mightn't be fit," said Lizzie doubtfully. 
 
 " Oh yes, you will. Just look up the 
 French for religion before you start, and 
 get off the names of the principal kinds of 
 religion in that language. All you have 
 to do is to ask the man, ' What is your 
 religion ? ' and then understand whatever 
 it is he says to you by way of an answer." 
 
 Dr. Whitty next called on Mr. Jackson 
 and explained the situation to him. The 
 rector, rather unwillingly, offered French, 
 and seemed relieved when he was told that 
 that language was already provided for. 
 
 " I thought," said the doctor, " that you'd 
 be sure to know Greek." 
 
 " I do," said the rector, "but not modern 
 Greek." 
 
 "Is there much difference ? " 
 
 41 1 don't know. I fancy there is." 
 
 "Well, look here, come up and try the 
 poor fellow with ancient Greek. I expect 
 he'll understand it if you talk slowly. All 
 we want to get out of him is whether he's a 
 Protestant or a Catholic." 
 
 "If he's a Greek at all," said the rector,
 
 86 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " he'll probably not be either the one or the 
 
 other." 
 
 " He's got to be one or the other while 
 
 he's here. He can choose whichever 
 
 happens to be the nearest thing to his 
 
 own religion, whatever that is. Does Mrs. 
 
 Jackson know Italian or Spanish?" 
 
 " No. I rather think she learned German 
 
 at school, but I expect " 
 
 " Capital. I'll put her down for German." 
 
 44 I'm sure she's forgotten it now." 
 
 " Never mind. She can brush it up. 
 
 There's not much wanted, and she has till 
 
 six o'clock this evening. I shall count on 
 
 you both. Good-bye." 
 
 " By the way, doctor," said Mr. Jackson 
 
 on the doorstep, "now I come to think of 
 
 it, I don't believe there's a word in ancient 
 
 Greek for Protestant." 
 
 "There must be. It's one of the most 
 
 important and useful words in any language. 
 
 How could the ancient Greeks possibly have 
 
 got on without it ? " 
 
 " There isn't. I'm perfectly sure there isn't." 
 " That's awkward. But never mind, you'll 
 
 be able to get round it with some kind of 
 
 paraphrase. After all, we can't leave the
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 87 
 
 poor fellow without the consolations of 
 religion in some form. Good-bye." 
 
 "And and Catholic in ancient Greek 
 will mean something quite different, not in 
 the least what it means now." 
 
 The doctor was gone. Mr. Jackson went 
 back to his studyand spent two hours wrestling 
 with the contents of a lexicon. He arrived at 
 the workhouse in the evening with a number 
 of cryptic notes, the words lavishly accented, 
 written down on small slips of paper. 
 
 Father Henaghan was the next person 
 whom Dr. Whitty visited. At first he 
 absolutely declined to help. 
 
 "The only language I could make any 
 shift at speaking," he said, " is Latin. *\nd 
 that would be no use to you. There isn't 
 one sailor out of every thousand, outside of 
 the officers of the Royal Navy, that would 
 know six words of Latin." 
 
 "They tell me," said the doctor, "that 
 there's no great difference between Latin 
 and Spanish or Italian. Anyone that 
 knows the one will make a pretty good 
 push at understanding the others." 
 
 "Whoever told you that told you a lie," 
 said the priest; "and, anyway, I'm not
 
 88 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 going near that man until I'm sure he's a 
 Catholic." 
 
 " Don't be hard-hearted, Father. Think 
 of the poor fellow lying there and not being 
 able to tell any of us what religion he belongs 
 to." 
 
 " I'll tell you why I won't go," said the 
 priest. " There was one time when I was 
 a curate in Dublin I used to be attending 
 one of the hospitals. People would be 
 brought in suffering from accidents and 
 dying, and you wouldn't know what they 
 were, Catholic or Protestant. I got into the 
 way of anointing them all while they were 
 unconscious, feeling it could do them no 
 harm, even if they were Protestants. Well, 
 one day I anointed a poor fellow that they 
 told me was dying. What did he do but 
 recover? It turned out then that he was a 
 Protestant, and, what's more, an Orangeman, 
 and when he heard what was done he gave 
 me all sorts of abuse. He said his mother 
 wouldn't rest easy in her grave when she 
 heard of it, and more talk of the same kind." 
 
 " This is quite a different sort of case," 
 said the doctor. " This man's not dying 
 or the least likely to die."
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 89 
 
 " I'll not go near him," said the priest. 
 
 "I'm sorry to hear you say that, Father. 
 The Rev. Mr. Jackson is coming up, 
 and he's prepared to ask the man what 
 religion he is in ancient Greek ancient 
 Greek, mind you, no less. It wouldn't be 
 a nice thing to have it said about the town 
 that the Protestant minister could talk 
 ancient Greek and that you weren't fit to 
 say a few words in Latin. Come now, 
 Father Henaghan, for the credit of the 
 Church say you'll do it." 
 
 This last argument weighed greatly with 
 the priest. Dr. Whitty saw his advantage 
 and pressed the matter home. 
 
 " I'll put you down," he said, "for Spanish 
 and Italian." 
 
 "You may put me down if you like, but 
 I tell you he won't know a word I speak to 
 him." 
 
 "Try him," said the doctor. 
 
 " I'll not be making a public fool of myself 
 to please you," said the priest. "If I do it 
 at all I'll have no one with me in the room 
 at the time, mind that now." 
 
 " Not a soul. You shall have him all to 
 yourself. To tell you the truth, I expect
 
 90 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY- 
 
 everybody will feel the same as you do 
 about that. The Rev. Mr. Jackson didn't 
 seem very keen on showing off his ancient 
 Greek." 
 
 Colonel Beresford, when Dr. Whitty called 
 on him, confessed to a slight, a very slight 
 acquaintance with the Russian language. 
 
 " I took it up," he said, "a long time ago 
 when I was stationed in Edinburgh. There 
 was a Russian scare on at the time and 
 everybody thought there was going to be 
 war. I happened to hear that there were a 
 couple of Russian medical students in the 
 university, and I thought if I picked up a 
 little of the language I might fall in for a 
 staff appointment. I've nearly forgotten 
 it all now, and I didn't make any special 
 study of religious terms at the time, but I'll 
 do the best I can for you. You've got all 
 the other languages, you say." 
 
 "I think so. I have" the doctor took a 
 list from his pocket " French, Miss Lizzie 
 Glynn. She was educated at a first-rate 
 convent, and speaks French fluently. Greek 
 (ancient and modern), the Rev. Mr. Jackson. 
 German and allied tongues, Mrs. Jackson. 
 Italian, Spanish, and Portuguese, Father
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 91 
 
 Henaghan. That, with your Russian, 
 makes a tolerably complete list." 
 
 "I'd no idea," said the colonel, "that we 
 were such a polyglot people in Ballintra. 
 By the way, you haven't got Norwegian." 
 
 " No," said the doctor, " I haven't, and 
 when you come to think of it, a sailor is 
 more likely to be that, or a Swede, than any- 
 thing else. Can you speak it ? " 
 
 " Not a word." 
 
 " Do you happen to have a dictionary, 
 Norwegian or Swedish, in the house?" 
 
 " No." 
 
 "That's a pity. I'd have tried to work 
 it up a little myself if you had." 
 
 "All I have," said the colonel, "is a 
 volume of Ibsen's plays." 
 
 "Give me that," said the doctor, "and I'll 
 do my best." 
 
 " It's only a translation." 
 
 " Never mind. I'll pick up something out 
 of it that may be useful. I have two hours 
 before me. Do you mind lending it to me ? " 
 
 Dr. Whitty went home with a copy of a 
 translation of Rosmersholme, Ghosts, and The 
 Enemy of Society. 
 
 At six o'clock the whole party of linguists
 
 92 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 assembled in the private sitting-room of the 
 master of the workhouse. Dr. Whitty gave 
 them a short address of an encouraging kind, 
 pointing out that in performing an act of 
 charity they were making the best possible use 
 of the education they had received. He then 
 politely asked Mrs. Jackson if she would 
 like to visit the foreigner first. She did not 
 seem anxious to push herself forward. Her 
 German, she confessed, was weak ; and she 
 hoped that if she was reserved until the last 
 the man might possibly recognise one of the 
 other languages before her turn came. 
 Everybody else, it turned out, felt very much 
 as Mrs. Jackson did. In the end Dr. Whitty 
 decided the order of precedence by drawing 
 lots. The colonel, accepting loyally the 
 decision of destiny, went first and returned 
 with the news that the sailor showed no sign 
 of being able to understand Russian. Lizzie 
 Glynn went next and was no more fortunate 
 with her French. 
 
 "I'm not sure," she said, "did I speak it 
 right. But, right or wrong, he didn't know a 
 word I said to him." 
 
 Mr. Jackson arranged his notes carefully 
 and was conducted by the doctor to the
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 93 
 
 ward. He too returned without having 
 made himself intelligible. 
 
 " I knew I should be no use," he said. 
 " I expect modern Greek is quite different 
 from the language I know." 
 
 Father Henaghan's Latin was a complete 
 failure. He seemed irritated and reported very 
 unfavourably of the intelligence of the patient. 
 
 " It's my belief," he said, "that the man's 
 mind's gone. He must have got a crack on 
 the head somehow, as well as breaking his 
 leg, and had the sense knocked out of him. 
 He looks to me like a man who'd under- 
 stand well enough when you talked to him 
 if he had his right mind." 
 
 This view of the sailor's condition made 
 Mrs. Jackson nervous. She said she had 
 no experience of lunatics and disliked being 
 brought into contact with them. She 
 wanted to back out of her promise to ask the 
 necessary question in German. In the end 
 she consented to go, but only if her husband 
 was allowed to accompany her. She was 
 back again in five minutes, and said definitely 
 that the man knew no German whatever. 
 
 " Now," said the colonel, "it's your turn, 
 doctor. Go at him with your Norwegian."
 
 94 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " The fact is," said the doctor, " that, owing 
 to the three plays you lent me being merely 
 translations, I've only been able to get a 
 hold of one Norwegian word. However, as 
 it happens, it is an extremely useful word in 
 this particular case. The Norwegian for 
 a clergyman," he said triumphantly, "is 
 'Pastor.' What's more, I've got a hold of 
 the name of one of their clergy. If this man 
 is a Norwegian, and has been in the habit of 
 going to the theatre, I expect he'll know all 
 about Pastor Manders." 
 
 " It's clever of you to have fished that out 
 of the book I lent you," said the colonel. 
 " but I don't quite see how it will help you 
 to find out whether our friend with the 
 broken leg is a Protestant or a Roman 
 Catholic." 
 
 "It will help if it's worked properly, if it's 
 worked the way I mean to work it, that 
 is to say, if the man is a Norwegian, and I 
 don't see what else he can be." 
 
 " He might be a Turk," said Father 
 Henaghan. 
 
 " No, he couldn't. I tried him with half 
 a glass of whisky this morning and he simply 
 lapped it up. If he had been a Turk the
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 95 
 
 smell of it would have turned him sick. 
 We may fairly assume that he is, as I say, 
 a Norwegian, and if he is I'll get at him. I 
 shall want you, Father Henaghan, and you, 
 Mr. Jackson, to come with me." 
 
 11 I've been twice already," said Mr. 
 Jackson. " Do you really think it necessary 
 for me " 
 
 " I shan't ask you to speak another word 
 of ancient Greek," said the doctor. "You 
 needn't do anything except stand where I 
 put you and look pleasant." 
 
 He took the priest and the rector, seizing 
 each by an arm, and swept them with him 
 along the corridor to the ward in which the 
 injured sailor lay. He set them one on 
 each side of the bed, and stood at the foot 
 of it himself. The sailor stared first at the 
 priest and next at the rector. Then he 
 looked the doctor straight in the face and 
 his left eyelid twitched slightly. Dr. Whitty 
 felt almost certain that he winked ; but there 
 was clearly no reason why he should wink 
 with any malicious intent, so he put the 
 motion down to some nervous affection. 
 
 " Pastor," said the doctor, in a loud, clear 
 tone, pointing to Father Henaghan.
 
 96 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 The sailor looked vacantly at the priest. 
 
 " Pastor," said the doctor again, indicating 
 Mr. Jackson with his finger. 
 
 The sailor turned his head and looked 
 at Mr. Jackson, but there was no sign of 
 intelligence on his face. 
 
 " Take your choice," said the doctor ; " you 
 can have either one or the other. We don't 
 want to influence you in the slightest, but 
 you've got to profess a religion of some sort 
 while you're here, and these clergymen repre- 
 sent the only two kinds we have. One or 
 other of them you must choose, otherwise 
 the unfortunate master of this workhouse will 
 get into trouble for not registering you. 
 Hang it all ! I don't believe the fool knows 
 a single word I'm saying to him." 
 
 Again the man's eyelid, this time his right 
 eyelid, twitched. 
 
 " Don't do that," said the doctor ; " it 
 distracts your attention from what I'm saying. 
 Listen to me now. Pastor Manders ! " He 
 pointed to the priest. " Pastor Manders ! " 
 He indicated the rector. 
 
 Neither Father Henaghan nor Mr. Jackson 
 had ever read Ghosts, which was fortunate. 
 If they had they might have resented the
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 97 
 
 name which the doctor imposed on them. 
 Apparently the sailor did not know the play 
 either. " Manders " seemed to mean no more 
 to him than " Pastor " did. 
 
 " There's no use our standing here all 
 evening," said Father Henaghan. "You 
 told me to look pleasant, and I have I 
 haven't looked pleasant for so long at a time 
 since the fellow was round last summer 
 taking photographs but I don't see that 
 any good is likely to come of it." 
 
 "Come on," said the doctor. " I've done 
 my best and I can do no more. I'm inclined 
 to think now that the man must be either 
 a Laplander or an Esquimaux. He'd have 
 understood me if he'd been a Dane, a Swede, 
 a Norwegian, or even a Finn." 
 
 " I told you, as soon as ever I set eyes on 
 him," said the priest, "that he was out of 
 his mind. My own belief is, doctor, that if you 
 give him some sort of a soothing draught, and 
 get him back into his right senses, he'll turn out 
 to be an Irishman. It's what he looks like." 
 
 Michael Geraghty, who had carted the 
 injured sailor from the scene of the shipwreck, 
 called on Dr. Whitty next day at breakfast- 
 time. 
 7
 
 98 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " I hear," he said, " that you had half the 
 town up yesterday trying could they get a 
 word out of that fellow that's in the hospital 
 with the broken leg." 
 
 " I had. We spoke to him in every 
 language in Europe, and I'm bothered if I 
 know what country he belongs to at all. 
 There wasn't one of us he'd answer." 
 
 " Did you think of trying him with the 
 Irish?" 
 
 " I did not. Where would be the good ? 
 If he could speak Irish he'd be sure to be 
 able to speak English." 
 
 " Would you have any objection to my 
 saying a few words to him, doctor ? " 
 
 "Not the least in the world. If you've 
 nothing particular to do, go up there and 
 tell the master I sent you." 
 
 An hour later Michael Geraghty reap- 
 peared at the doctor's door. He was grin- 
 ning broadly and seemed pleased with himself. 
 
 " Well, Michael, did you make him speak ? " 
 
 " I didn't like to say a word to you, doctor, 
 till I made sure, for fear of what I might be 
 bringing some kind of trouble on the wrong 
 man ; but as soon as ever I seen that fellow 
 put into my cart beyond at Carrigwee, I said
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 99 
 
 to myself : ' You're mighty like poor Affy 
 Hynes that's gone, only a bit older.' I took 
 another look at him as we were coming along 
 the road, and says I, ' If Affy Hynes is alive 
 this minute you're him.' You'll recollect, 
 doctor, that the poor fellow couldn't speak at 
 the time, by reason of the cold that was on 
 him and the broken leg and all the hardship 
 he'd been through. Well, looking at him off 
 and on till I got to the workhouse I came to 
 be pretty near certain that it was either Affy 
 Hynes or a twin brother of his ; and Mrs. 
 Hynes, the mother, that's dead this ten years, 
 never had but the one son." 
 
 "And who was Affy Hynes?" 
 
 "It was before your time, of course, and 
 before Father Henaghan was parish priest ; 
 but the colonel would know who I mean." 
 Michael sank his voice to an impressive 
 whisper. "Affy Hynes was the boy that 
 the police was out after in the bad times, 
 wanting to have him hanged on account of 
 the way that the bailiff was shot. But he 
 made off, and none of us ever knew where he 
 went to, though they did say that it might be 
 to an uncle of his that was in America." 
 
 " Did he murder the bailiff? "
 
 ioo THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " He did not ; nor I don't believe he 
 knew who did, though he might." 
 
 "Then what did he run away for?" 
 
 " For fear they'd hang him," said Michael 
 Geraghty. " Amn't I just after telling you ? " 
 
 " Go on," said the doctor. 
 
 " Well, when Affy came to himself after 
 all the hardship he had it wasn't long before 
 he found out the place he was in. ' It's 
 Ballintra,' says he to himself, 'or it's mighty 
 like it.' There did be a great dread on him 
 then that the police would be out after him 
 again and have him took, and, says he, into 
 himself like, so as no one would hear him, 
 ' I'll let on I can't understand a word they 
 say to me, so as they won't know my voice, 
 anyway.' And so he did ; but he went 
 very near laughing one time when you had 
 the priest and the minister, one on each side 
 of him, and ' Pastor,' says you " 
 
 " Never mind that part," said the doctor. 
 
 "If it's displeasing to you to hear about it 
 I'll not say another word. Only, I'd be thank- 
 ful if you'd tell me why you called the both 
 of them Manders. It's what Affy was saying 
 to me this minute: 'Michael,' says he, 'is 
 Manders the name that's on the priest that's
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 101 
 
 in the parish presently ?' ' It is not,' I says, 
 'but Henaghan.' 'That's queer,' said he. 
 1 Is it Manders they call the minister ? ' ' It is 
 not,' I says; 'it's Jackson. There never was one 
 in the place of the name of Manders, priest or 
 minister.' 'That's queer,' says he, 'for the 
 doctor called both the two of them Manders.' " 
 
 " So he understood every word we said to 
 him all the time ? " said the doctor. 
 
 " Not the whole of it, nor near the whole," 
 said Michael Geraghty. " He's been about 
 the world a deal, being a sailor, and he said 
 he could make out what Miss Glynn was 
 saying pretty well, and he knew the minister's 
 lady was talking Dutch, though he couldn't 
 tell what she was saying, for it wasn't just 
 the same Dutch as he'd been accustomed to 
 hearing. The colonel made a middling good 
 offer at the Russian. Affy was a year one 
 time up in them parts, and he knows ; but 
 he said he'd be damned if he could make any 
 kind of a guess at what either the priest or 
 the minister was at, and he told me to be 
 sure and ask you what they were talking, 
 because he'd like to know." 
 
 "I'll go up and see him myself," said the 
 doctor.
 
 102 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " If you speak the Irish to him he'll answer 
 you," said Michael. 
 
 " I will, if he likes," said the doctor. " But 
 why won't he speak English?" 
 
 " There's a sort of dread on him," said 
 Michael Geraghty. " I think he'd be more 
 willing to trust you if you'd speak to him in 
 the Irish, it being all one to you. He bid 
 me say to you, and it's a good job I didn't 
 forget it, that if so be he was dying, you 
 might tell Father Henaghan he's a Catholic, 
 the way he'd attend on him ; but if he's to 
 live, he'd as soon no one but yourself and me 
 knew he was in the place." 
 
 Dr. Whitty went up to the workhouse, 
 turned the nurse out of the ward, and sat 
 down beside Affy Hynes. 
 
 "Tell me this now," he said, "why didn't 
 you let me know who you were ? I wouldn't 
 have told on you." 
 
 " I was sorry after that I didn't," said Affy, 
 " when I seen all the trouble that I put you 
 to. It was too much altogether fetching the 
 ladies and gentlemen up here to be speaking 
 to the like of me. It's what never happened 
 to me before, and I'm sorry you were 
 bothered."
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 103 
 
 44 Why didn't you tell me then ? " 
 
 " Sure, I did my best. Did you not see 
 me winking at you twice, when you had the 
 priest and the minister in with me, as much 
 as to say : * Doctor, if I thought I could 
 trust you I'd tell you the truth this minute.' 
 I made full sure you'd understand what it 
 was I was meaning the second time, even if 
 you didn't at the first go-off." 
 
 "That's not what I gathered from your 
 wink at all," said the doctor. " I thought 
 you'd got some kind of a nervous affection 
 of the eye." 
 
 " It's a queer thing now," said Affy, "that 
 the two of them reverend gentlemen should 
 have the same name, and that Manders." 
 
 " We'll drop that subject," said the doctor. 
 
 " We will, of course, if it's pleasing to you. 
 But it is queer all the same, and I'd be glad 
 if I knew the reason of it, for it must be 
 mighty confusing for the people of this place, 
 both Catholic and Protestant. Tell me now, 
 doctor, is there any fear that I might be 
 took by the police?" 
 
 " Not a bit. That affair of yours, what- 
 ever it was, is blown over long ago." 
 
 " Are you certain of that ? "
 
 104 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " I am." 
 
 "Then as soon as I'm fit I'll take a bit of 
 a stroll out and look at the old place. I'd 
 like to see it again. Many's the time I've 
 said to myself, me being maybe in some far- 
 away country at the time, ' I'd like to see 
 Ballintra again, and the house where my 
 mother lived, and the bohireen that the asses 
 does be going along into the bog when the 
 turfs brought home.' Is it there yet?" 
 
 " I expect it is," said the doctor. 
 
 "God is good," said Affy. "It's little 
 ever I expected to set eyes on it."
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 
 
 " T DON'T know what right he thinks he 
 JL has to do it," said Colonel Beresford, 
 "but every time Hosty meets me he asks 
 some favour or other of me." 
 
 He had returned from a short visit to 
 Dublin and stood outside the Court House 
 after the Petty Sessions were over. He was 
 talking to Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " Last time I met him was the day I was 
 going over to London to see my daughter 
 in April. He palmed off a niece of his on 
 me then, a creature that was going back to 
 school, who sat on top of me the whole way 
 from Holyhead to Euston." 
 
 " You speak figuratively, of course," said 
 the doctor. " No respectable niece " 
 
 " The time before that he had an army 
 pensioner whom he wanted me to take on as 
 
 gatekeeper. I told him I had more gate- 
 
 105
 
 io6 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 keepers already than I had gates ; but he 
 bothered on at me for nearly an hour. Once 
 before he dragged me to a concert to hear 
 a musical protdg^ of his. That cost me ten 
 and sixpence, and I was frightfully bored." 
 
 " Sir Clement Hosty, " said the doctor, 
 " appears to be a man of varied interests in 
 life. " 
 
 " You'll say that more emphatically when 
 you hear the last thing he did. I was 
 lunching in the club the day before yesterday, 
 and as soon as I entered the room I caught 
 sight of Hosty. I sat down as far away 
 from him as I could, of course, and I 
 thought he wouldn't see me. Unfortunately, 
 he did. I had no sooner lit my cigarette 
 in the hall afterwards than he came bound- 
 ing up to me. You know the way he 
 walks." 
 
 " No, I don't. I've never seen him." 
 
 " Well, he's a stoutish man and short. 
 He's also surprisingly energetic, and he gets 
 over the ground like a tennis ball on a dry 
 day. He grabbed me at once and said he 
 wanted me to do the civil thing to a Professor 
 Bernstein who was coming down to this 
 neighbourhood with two assistant etymolo-
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 107 
 
 gists. They're sent out by the Royal Society 
 to make a scientific survey of this county." 
 
 " You're sure he said etymologists ? " 
 
 " Quite." said the colonel. " Hosty 
 always shouts so that you can't pretend not 
 to hear what he's saying, even if you're quite 
 a long way off. Now, what sort of civility 
 would an etymologist expect, do you think ? " 
 
 " Lunch, for one thing," said the doctor. 
 "All scientific men eat largely, you know. 
 And whatever help you can give him in his 
 pursuit." 
 
 " I don't know anything about etymology," 
 said the colonel. "It's words, isn't it? 
 not insects." 
 
 " Yes ; the science of the origin of human 
 speech, and the relationship of the words 
 that are in one language to other words that 
 are in other languages which don't sound 
 a bit like them. There's a thing called 
 Grimm's Law which lies at the base of the 
 whole concern. It shows that whenever a 
 German is inclined to say ' k' an Englishman 
 naturally wants to say ' d,' or something else 
 of the same sort." 
 
 " I sympathise a good deal with the 
 Englishman. But what's the good of coming
 
 io8 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 down here to study that sort of thing? 
 There are no Germans here, and I don't 
 believe there are two dozen Englishmen 
 within a radius of ten miles of us." 
 
 "I expect," said the doctor, "that they're 
 after Irish. It's perfectly amazing the in- 
 terest German professors take you said he 
 was a German, didn't you ? " 
 
 " No, I didn't. I don't know what he is. 
 All I said was that his name is Bernstein." 
 
 " Then he must be a German, and, if so, 
 he's almost certain to be studying Irish. In 
 that case he hasn't come to an absolutely 
 first-rate place, but still we can manage to 
 collect a few people for him who speak the 
 language pretty fluently. When does he 
 arrive ? " 
 
 " Next Tuesday," said the colonel. " He 
 leaves the same day, I'm thankful to say." 
 
 "Very well," said Dr. Whitty. "You 
 order sauer kraut and lager beer for luncheon. 
 I'll arrange the rest, and you may rely on me 
 to see that they get enough Irish to last 
 them for the afternoon, anyhow." 
 
 " What do you mean to do ? " 
 
 " I shall collect half a dozen old people 
 who speak nothing else," said Dr. Whitty,
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 109 
 
 "and I'll set them out in a row in your hall. 
 I'll get Father Henaghan up to interpret. 
 You'll have to ask him to lunch, of course ; 
 and then, after they've done eating, the 
 scientists can have a regular linguistic 
 debauch. I dare say you'd better have Mr. 
 Jackson too, as you're having the priest. 
 It's always well to avoid exciting ill-feeling, 
 and the clergy are frightfully jealous of 
 each other." 
 
 " You'll have to come yourself too," said 
 the colonel. " I couldn't face a party of that 
 sort without help." 
 
 "Right," said Dr. Whitty. "And now, 
 as we've only got three days before us, I'd 
 better be off." 
 
 He went straight to the Presbytery and 
 called on Father Henaghan. 
 
 "The colonel," he said, "wants you to 
 lunch with him next Tuesday." 
 
 "What for?" 
 
 "Well, the pleasure of your company for 
 one thing." 
 
 "If the other thing has anything to do 
 with Woman's Suffrage," said the priest, 
 " I'm not going. I had enough of that the last 
 time Mrs. Challoner was over."
 
 1 10 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " She's not here now," said the doctor, 
 " and the subject for discussion on Tuesday 
 is the Irish language. You're interested in 
 that, I know." 
 
 " There's a mighty deal of nonsense talked 
 about that same language. It would make 
 you sick to hear the way some of them go 
 on, and them the ones that know least about 
 it." 
 
 "That may be," said the doctor. "But 
 the colonel has a German professor and two 
 assistants coming to him on Tuesday, men 
 that have devoted their lives to the Irish 
 language, and are more deeply interested in 
 it than in anything else in the world. They 
 study it, of course, mainly from an etymo- 
 logical point of view." 
 
 " I don't know," said the priest, " would I 
 be much use at the ancient Irish. They tell 
 me it's not the same as what we talk now." 
 
 "That'll be all right," said Dr. Whitty. 
 " You'll only be wanted to act as interpreter. 
 I'm getting up half a dozen or so old people, 
 and I was thinking of ./^Eneas Finnegan for 
 one. He's upwards of ninety years of age, 
 so I should think his Irish would be ancient 
 enough for anybody. What's more, he's 

 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS in 
 
 stone deaf and hasn't been able to hear a 
 word that's been said to him for the last 
 twenty years, so his way of talking can't 
 have got corrupted by any modern innova- 
 tions." 
 
 "How do you mean to get him to talk if 
 he's so deaf that he can't hear what you tell 
 him?" 
 
 " That's a difficulty," said the doctor, 
 " that can be got over by a glass of whisky. 
 If one doesn't do I'll give him another. The 
 colonel won't grudge it when it's for the sake 
 of his guests ? Is there anyone else now 
 that you'd suggest. The Widow Rafferty 
 I'm sure will come if I offer her a bottle of 
 embrocation for her rheumatism by way of a 
 bribe. Then Patsy Flynn's grandfather " 
 
 "You'll not get him," said the priest. 
 
 " And why not ? " 
 
 " Because he hasn't been out of his bed 
 this two years." 
 
 "That's no reason why he shouldn't get 
 out of it now. When once he understands 
 that it's a German professor of etymology 
 that wants to see him he'll be leaping like 
 a two-year-old, and Patsy can bring him in 
 the ass-cart."
 
 112 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Is it nothing but Irish-speaking you 
 want ? " 
 
 " Pure Irish," said the doctor. " If pos- 
 sible I don't want anyone there who has a 
 word of English." 
 
 " If a good jig would be any use to you," 
 said the priest, " there's Molly Geraghty 
 that was taught by the old fellow that was 
 round giving lessons two years ago, and won 
 a prize for her dancing up in Dublin." 
 
 " I don't know," said the doctor, " whether 
 jig-dancing would come in under the head- 
 ing of etymology or not. But it would be 
 a break in the monotony of the proceedings, 
 and I don't suppose that even a German 
 professor can want to talk Irish the whole 
 afternoon. Who else would you suggest ? " 
 
 " I think you have your 'nough, as it is," 
 said the priest. " By the time you have old 
 Finnegan half drunk, and Biddy Rafferty 
 telling us all about the pains in her legs 
 till we're tired listening to her, and Patsy 
 Flynn's grandfather getting his death of cold 
 in the ass-cart, him not having been out of 
 his bed for so long, you'll have mischief enough 
 done for one afternoon. You can let the rest 
 of the poor people stay quiet in their homes
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 113 
 
 till they're wanted for something that'll be 
 some good for them." 
 
 " I shouldn't wonder," said the doctor, 
 "but the colonel would give them two and 
 sixpence apiece after it's over." 
 
 "If that's the way of it, and if you let it 
 be known," said the priest, " you'll get plenty 
 to go more maybe than the colonel will care 
 to have wiping their boots on the floor of his 
 house." 
 
 Colonel Beresford walked up and down 
 the gravel sweep in front of Ballintra House 
 and waited for his guests. He was in an 
 uncomfortable humour, and the excellent 
 cigar which he smoked failed to soothe his 
 nerves. He did not look forward to enter- 
 taining a German savant who might or 
 might not be able to speak English fluently. 
 He pictured to himself a grizzled man with 
 a shaggy beard, uncouthly dressed, deficient 
 in manners, and probably dirty. He would 
 be accompanied by two assistants, gauche 
 youths, no doubt, either painfully shy or 
 else bumptious. The prospect was dismal 
 enough. And things were not, in the 
 colonel's opinion, likely to be improved by 
 
 the additions which Dr. Whitty was making 
 8
 
 H4 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 to the party. The three old people who 
 were to speak Irish were sure to cause 
 trouble of some sort, especially if given 
 liberal supplies of whisky. He had not the 
 least wish to see Molly Geraghty dancing 
 jigs in his hall. He threw away the end of 
 his cigar and cursed Sir Clement Hosty 
 heartily. Then he heard the sound of 
 wheels, and turned to see Patsy Flynn 
 driving his donkey-cart up to the house. 
 In the back of the cart, on a bundle of straw, 
 well wrapped up in old sacks, sat Patsy's 
 grandfather. 
 
 "Who the devil are you," said the colonel, 
 " and what do you want ? " 
 
 "It's my grandfather," said Patsy, "that's 
 come according to what the doctor was 
 saying." 
 
 "Oh, is it? Can he talk Irish? He 
 doesn't look as if he'd talk anything much." 
 
 " Irish, is it ? There isn't one in the county 
 talks it better. If so be you get him started, 
 he'll go on till you'd think the jaws of him 
 would crack. There's no stopping him." 
 
 " Take him round to the backdoor then," 
 said the colonel, "and the cook will give him 
 his dinner. I'll send for him when I want him."
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 115 
 
 Patsy sidled up to the colonel and stood 
 in a deprecating attitude with his hat in 
 his hand. 
 
 " Why don't you go ? " said the colonel. 
 
 " As regards the half-crown," said Patsy, 
 " the old man hasn't as much sense as he 
 might, and I was thinking, if it was pleasing 
 to your honour, that it might be as well 
 to give the half-crown to me." 
 
 "What half-crown?" 
 
 " The half-crown the doctor's after promis- 
 ing him for talking the Irish to the foreign 
 gentleman." 
 
 " Oh, the doctor promised that, did he ? 
 If so, I suppose I'll have to pay up. But 
 I won't give you a penny till I've actually 
 heard the Irish." 
 
 Dr. Whitty was the next arrival. He 
 greeted the colonel with an inquiry. 
 
 "You're perfectly certain," he said, "that 
 Sir Clement Hosty said etymologists that 
 day in the club ? " 
 
 "I am," said the colonel, "perfectly. 
 Why?" 
 
 " Oh, nothing. Only I happened to hear 
 this morning that there was a man chasing 
 butterflies in the neighbourhood of Dunbeg
 
 ii6 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 the last two days, and it occurred to me 
 but of course you're quite sure about this 
 professor being an etymologist ? " 
 
 " I am." 
 
 " That's all right then. I passed old 
 Finnegan on the way up the avenue, and 
 Father Henaghan is bringing Molly Geraghty 
 on his car." 
 
 " One cripple has already arrived in a 
 donkey-cart," said the colonel. " He appears 
 to expect to be paid half a crown." 
 
 " I forgot to mention," said the doctor, 
 "that I had to promise them half a crown 
 each to get them to come. It'll only be 
 seven and sixpence. Molly Geraghty will 
 dance for the pleasure of it. By the way, 
 I hope you don't mind, I arranged for 
 your gardener to play for her. He has a 
 melodeon." 
 
 "Not in the least. If you think it would 
 be any comfort to her I'll get the stable 
 boy in to whistle, and we'll have a band. 
 I know he whistles, for I hear him every 
 time I go into the yard." 
 
 "Ah," said Dr. Whitty. "Here's Mr. 
 Jackson. He has old Finnegan by the 
 arm. That's nice of him, isn't it ? I
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 117 
 
 always said Mr. Jackson had a kind heart. 
 I suppose it comes from having a large 
 family." 
 
 Father Henaghan and Molly Geraghty 
 arrived immediately after the rector. Molly, 
 in honour of the occasion, wore a white 
 frock and a bright green sash, which crossed 
 her left shoulder and was tied in a neat 
 bow at her waist. Along it in large silver 
 letters ran the inscription " Ar Dteanga 
 Fdin." Dr. Whitty nudged the colonel 
 delightedly. 
 
 "Irish," he said, "the written language. 
 That'll please the professor." 
 
 " I hope to goodness," said the colonel, 
 "that it's not any kind of seditious in- 
 scription. I don't mind myself; but if 
 Allington was to hear " 
 
 " Lord Allington can't object to that," 
 said the doctor. "It simply means 'our 
 own language.' It might apply to English 
 or French or Chinese or anything." 
 
 " It'll be awkward enough as it is," said 
 the colonel. " Allington is frightfully down 
 on this language revival business. Bless 
 my soul, who's this ? " 
 
 A car drove rapidly up the avenue. On
 
 ii8 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 one side of it sat a fresh-complexioned, white- 
 haired gentleman dressed in a smart grey 
 suit of clothes and wearing a light grey 
 felt hat of very stylish appearance. On 
 the other side were two girls in pink cotton 
 frocks, looking very bright and pretty. 
 
 "It must be the professor and his 
 assistants," said Dr. Whitty ; "but they 
 don't look like etymologists." 
 
 Professor Bernstein leaped from the car 
 and introduced himself to Colonel Beresford. 
 Then he presented the two girls, who were, 
 it appeared, his two daughters. There were 
 further introductions, much hand - shaking 
 and smiling. Professor Bernstein made a 
 series of light jokes in rapid succession. 
 His remote ancestors might possibly have 
 come from Germany, but it was quite 
 obvious that he spoke English as his 
 mother tongue. The elder of the two 
 girls took hold of Molly Geraghty and 
 drew her from the priest's side. 
 
 "What a sweetly pretty sash," she said. 
 "Is this your daughter, Colonel Beresford ? " 
 
 "No," said the colonel, "she's not. 
 She's " 
 
 " But what's the inscription ? " said Miss
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 119 
 
 Bernstein, still intent on the sash. " I can't 
 even read the letters." 
 
 "Ar Dteanga Fein," said Dr. Whitty. 
 " You recognise it at once, of course, 
 professor. ' Teanga ' is no doubt connected 
 etymologically with the English ' tongue,' the 
 old German for which I have at this moment 
 forgotten, but you'll know. Mr. Jackson 
 will tell us the Greek. What is the Greek 
 for a tongue, Mr. Jackson?" 
 
 " Glossa," said Mr. Jackson. 
 
 Professor Bernstein stared. 
 
 "Glossa," said the doctor. "Glossa, 
 teanga, tongue. I don't quite see the 
 phonetic connection, but I've no doubt it's 
 there. The fact is, I'm not as familiar 
 with Grimm's Law as I ought to be. But 
 this is all ABC to you, professor." 
 
 " Shall we wait luncheon for your 
 assistants?" said the colonel. 
 
 Professor Bernstein smiled. 
 
 "These are my assistants," he said, point- 
 ing to his two daughters. " I often say that 
 they're just like butterflies themselves. 
 Some day they'll be caught, I suppose, 
 and then what shall I do ? " 
 
 Both Miss Bernsteins blushed. The
 
 120 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 colonel did not catch the point of the 
 joke, and suggested that the car should 
 go round to the stable. Dr. Whitty walked 
 a few yards with the driver to show him 
 the way. On his return he caught the 
 colonel by the arm and whispered to him 
 
 "You're still absolutely certain that Sir 
 Clement Hosty said etymologists?" 
 
 "Yes, I am. Don't ask me that again." 
 
 "All right," said the doctor, "only I'd 
 have taken my oath that there was a green 
 butterfly net on the back of that car." 
 
 At luncheon Professor Bernstein took the 
 lead in the conversation. He was, it ap- 
 peared, greatly interested in rotifers. No 
 one else, except perhaps his two daughters, 
 knew what rotifers were; so the professor had 
 the subject entirely to himself, until, at the 
 end of ten minutes, Dr. Whitty interrupted 
 him. 
 
 "Rotifer," he said, "is a remarkably 
 interesting word. It is derived you will 
 correct me, professor, if I go wrong from 
 the Latin root 'fer,' which implies the idea 
 of carrying, and ' rota,' which means a 
 wheel. That reminds me that the Irish 
 word for a bicycle is ' ratha ' the aspirated t,
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 121 
 
 you know, professor obviously the Latin 
 'rota' again. Curious that the Irish people, 
 in giving a name to an entirely new object, 
 should have hit on the same way of doing 
 it as the Americans. They always speak 
 of bicycles as wheels, you know. The fact 
 suggests some interesting thoughts about 
 the effect of the Irish mind upon the 
 American language. But perhaps that's a 
 matter rather for the ethnologist than the 
 etymologist." 
 
 He looked round for admiration when 
 he had finished this speech. He received 
 it from Colonel Beresford, Mr. Jackson, 
 and Father Henaghan. The professor ap- 
 peared to be puzzled, and relapsed into 
 silence. His two daughters giggled slightly. 
 They evidently regarded Dr. Whitty's ety- 
 mology as a joke. 
 
 " We have a little surprise for you after 
 lunch," said Dr. Whitty, noticing that the 
 professor did not take up the subject of 
 wheels with any interest. "We have suc- 
 ceeded in collecting together by the way, 
 Father Henaghan, did the Widow Rafferty 
 arrive ? I saw Finnegan, and the colonel 
 tells me that Patsy Flynn's grandfather
 
 122 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 turned up all right I hope Biddy hasn't 
 failed us." 
 
 " I didn't see sight nor light of her," 
 said the priest. 
 
 " If she doesn't turn up," said Dr. Whitty, 
 "she may twist herself into knots with 
 rheumatism before I give her another bottle. 
 You'd have been particularly interested in 
 Biddy Rafferty, professor. I shall be sorry 
 if she's not here." 
 
 " Is she very amusing?" asked the eldest 
 Miss Bernstein. 
 
 "Not very," said the doctor; "but her 
 Irish is remarkably idiomatic. Every one 
 agrees about that. You think it first-rate, 
 don't you, Father Henaghan?" 
 
 " I do," said the priest ; " barring that 
 she seldom says a word about anything 
 but the way the rheumatism has her tor- 
 mented, her Irish is as good as you'd hear." 
 
 " But not as ancient as Finnegan's," said 
 the doctor. " The professor, I know, will 
 take a particular delight in Finnegan, and 
 fortunately he's here." 
 
 " I I regret to say," said the professor, 
 "that I've never found time to study the 
 Irish language."
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 123 
 
 Colonel Beresford became aware that his 
 party was turning out even worse than he 
 expected. There was evidently some mis- 
 understanding about the Bernsteins and 
 the Irish language. He changed the subject 
 of conversation effectively by asking the 
 professor if he had recently seen Sir Clement 
 Hosty. Mr. Jackson, who had known Lady 
 Hosty before she was married, asked several 
 questions about her. Colonel Beresford, 
 after scowling at Dr. Whitty, found an 
 opportunity of telling the butler to give 
 the two Irish speakers five shillings each 
 and send them off the premises. 
 
 Greatly to the relief of the rest of the 
 party the Bernsteins declared that they must 
 go away immediately after luncheon. 
 
 " I don't like to miss this fine afternoon," 
 said the professor. " There is an interesting 
 series of small lakes in this neighbourhood, 
 in which I may quite possibly come across 
 some unique specimens." 
 
 Colonel Beresford turned angrily on Dr. 
 Whitty as soon as the car was out of sight. 
 
 "What do you mean," he said, "by 
 letting me in for this tomfoolery ? " 
 
 "That," said the doctor, "is a question
 
 124 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 which, properly speaking, ought to be put 
 to Sir Clement Hosty." 
 
 " I shall put it to Hosty," said the colonel, 
 "as soon as ever I see him. But it wasn't 
 Hosty who made an ass of me before this 
 professor by filling up my house with cripples 
 and dancing girls." 
 
 " As far as the dancing girl is concerned," 
 said Dr. Whitty, "she was Father Hena- 
 ghan's suggestion entirely. I didn't want 
 her. But neither he nor I are to blame 
 in the slightest. You and Sir Clement 
 Hosty have bungled it between you. Ever 
 since I heard there was a man catching 
 butterflies in Dunbeg I suspected that the 
 professor would turn out to be an ento- 
 mologist. I felt pretty sure of it when I 
 *saw the butterfly net on the car. But you 
 stuck to your theory in spite of all I could 
 say to you ; and I still maintain that the 
 entertainment we provided was quite the best 
 possible if the man had been what you told 
 me he was." 
 
 "It was etymologist that Hosty said," 
 said the colonel. "I'll stick to that till 
 the day of my death. I couldn't have been 
 mistaken, because Hosty has a habit of
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 125 
 
 shouting every remark he makes as if the 
 whole world was deaf." 
 
 " If I'd been told he was an entomologist," 
 said the doctor, "I'd have talked to him 
 about rotifers. I don't know anything about 
 them, but I could have made them up out 
 of a book before I came. It would have 
 been a great deal easier for me to talk 
 intelligently about rotifers than about Grimm's 
 Law. What's more, I'd have had specimens 
 of every insect in this part of the country 
 ready for him when he came, from the 
 common pediculus capitis " 
 
 " Don't be disgusting if you can help it," 
 said the colonel. " Things are bad enough 
 without that." 
 
 "There's nothing disgusting about the 
 pediculus," said the doctor. " To the truly 
 scientific mind, like the professor's, he's as 
 interesting as any other bug." 
 
 " Perhaps on the whole, then," said the 
 colonel, " it's just as well Hosty made that 
 mistake. Your mendicant cripples and 
 Molly Geraghty are bad enough, but they're 
 better than having my house filled up with 
 live fleas."
 
 VI 
 "GOD SAVE THE KING" 
 
 " r I " H E band will play all afternoon, of 
 
 -L course," said Dr. Whitty. 
 
 He was speaking about the sports the 
 " Grand Athletic, Bicycle and Boat Racing 
 Regatta," as the advertisement called the 
 event which were to be held in Ballintra on 
 the first Saturday in August. 
 
 " I don't know will it be able," said Father 
 Henaghan, "and if it is, it'll likely be the 
 last time ever it does play." 
 
 He was President^in Connacht every- 
 thing has a President of the town band. 
 He was also its Honorary Treasurer. 
 
 "And why do you say that?" said 
 Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " You know well enough," said the priest, 
 " that we had to give the bandmaster notice 
 for want of funds to pay him." 
 
 " Surely to goodness," said the doctor, 
 126
 
 "GOD SAVE THE KING" 127 
 
 "they must have half a dozen tunes learned 
 off by this time. Nobody'll know whether 
 they play them right or wrong. Let them 
 do the best they can, and make some sort of 
 a noise anyway." 
 
 " I don't know," said the priest, " will 
 they be fit to do that much itself. It was 
 only last week they were telling me that the 
 cornet's broke, and I'm thinking they'll do 
 badly without it. What's more, I'm not sure 
 but young Flaherty put the blade of his 
 knife through the big drum." 
 
 " We'll have to get them some new instru- 
 ments then," said the doctor. " The band 
 we simply must have." 
 
 " You can't get new instruments, for there's 
 no money, and I don't see where it's to be 
 got after the way you've collected the whole 
 district for the sports. There isn't one about 
 the place has a shilling left in his pocket." 
 
 Dr. Whitty had, in fact, levied a sum of 
 money very near the taxable capacity of the 
 people. He recognised the impossibility of 
 securing further contributions. 
 
 "I'll tell you what it is," he said. "We 
 must get something out of Lord Allington. 
 That man's as rich as a Jew."
 
 128 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHI1TY 
 
 " He never gives a penny," said the priest. 
 
 " He does. I happen to know that he 
 gives twenty pounds a year to the Protestant 
 Church on account of having property in 
 the parish, though he doesn't live in it. I 
 don't see why he shouldn't give the half of 
 that amount to our band. You ought to try 
 him anyway." 
 
 " I will not. I asked him for a subscription 
 one time, and the way he refused me I swore 
 I'd never ask him again. Do you go over to 
 Allington Castle and ask him yourself." 
 
 " It wouldn't be a bit of good," said the 
 doctor. " But I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll 
 get the colonel to write. He'd give us some- 
 thing if the colonel asked him." 
 
 It took Dr. Whitty a long time to persuade 
 Colonel Beresford to write the letter, but he 
 succeeded in the end. By return of post a 
 reply came from Lord Allington. 
 
 " DEAR COLONEL BERESFORD, I am always 
 ready to support anything which is for the 
 benefit of the tenants on my estate, and I 
 should be perfectly willing to give a subscrip- 
 tion to a band managed on non-political lines. 
 Unfortunately, my experience of these local 
 bands leads me to believe that they are 

 
 "GOD SAVE THE KING" 129 
 
 nothing more or less than part of the 
 machinery used by seditious persons for the 
 inculcation of rebellious principles. On the 
 only occasion on which I ever heard the 
 Ballintra band play, the tune chosen was 
 'God Save Ireland.' I am sure you will 
 understand that, in these circumstances, and 
 in the absence of any express guarantee from 
 some reasonable person that no Party tunes 
 will be played, I cannot conscientiously 
 support the band. 
 
 " Thanks for your inquiry for Lady 
 Allington. I am glad to say she is a great 
 deal stronger than she was. The Irish air 
 always sets her up. I am, yours very 
 sincerely, ALLINGTON " 
 
 The colonel handed the letter to Dr. 
 Whitty. 
 
 " Do you think now," said the doctor, 
 " that if the band was to play ' God Save the 
 King ' he'd give us a subscription ? " 
 
 " I expect he would," said the colonel, 
 smiling ; " but you know as well as I do the 
 band will do no such thing, and there'd be a 
 riot if it did." 
 
 "Colonel," said the doctor, "do you write 
 to Lord Allington and tell him you will send 
 him a written undertaking from the parish 
 9
 
 130 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 priest you can put in that the dispensary 
 doctor will sign it, too, if you like to the 
 effect that the band will play ' God Save the 
 King ' in the middle of the afternoon on the 
 day of the sports, and that Lord Allington 
 can come over and hear it for himself so as 
 to make sure that it's actually done." 
 
 " I don't believe you'll work it, doctor. 
 Thady Glynn and the League boys would 
 smash up every trumpet the band possessed 
 if you did." 
 
 "You write the letter," said the doctor, 
 " and leave the rest to me." 
 
 " If you do what you say," said the colonel, 
 " I should think Lord Allington would give 
 you twenty pounds with pleasure ; and, what's 
 more, I'll add two pounds to my own sub- 
 scription if it's only for the sake of seeing the 
 rage Thady Glynn will be in." 
 
 Dr. Whitty called on Father Henaghan at 
 once. 
 
 "I've ten pounds," he said, "ten pounds 
 at least, and maybe twenty pounds, got out 
 of Lord Allington for the town band at 
 least I have it as good as got." 
 
 " Have you, then ? I wouldn't havebelieved 
 it possible. You're a wonderful man, doctor."
 
 GOD SAVE THE KING" 131 
 
 " All he wants," said the doctor, " is a 
 written guarantee from you and me that the 
 band will perform 'God Save the King' on 
 the day of the sports. He says he objects 
 to Party tunes." 
 
 "And is that what you call having the 
 money as good as got ? You know as well 
 as I do the thing can't be done." 
 
 " It can. I'll get the music, and I'll teach 
 it to the band myself. I'm not what you'd 
 call practised in conducting an orchestra, but 
 I have a middling good ear, and I could 
 manage that much. Any new instruments 
 wanted you can get, and pay for when Lord 
 Allington's cheque comes." 
 
 "It's not the want of instruments would 
 stop me," said the priest. " But the people 
 would never stand it. There 'd be the devil 
 and all." 
 
 "You needn't appear in the matter," said 
 the doctor. " Beyond writing the letter to 
 Lord Allington you've nothing to do. If 
 there's a row, you can pretend to be as 
 surprised as anyone else. But there won't 
 be a row." 
 
 "There will. There couldn't but be a 
 row."
 
 132 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "There will not. There aren't ten men 
 in Ballintra, barring the colonel, Mr. Jackson, 
 and the police, that would know that tune 
 from any other if they heard it. Would you 
 know it yourself now, Father Henaghan ? 
 Tell the truth." 
 
 " I'm not sure that I would." 
 
 "And, if you wouldn't recognise it, how 
 do you suppose that Thady Glynn will ? 
 Thady that has no more ear for music than 
 your cow. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll 
 drop into the hotel this evening, and I'll 
 whistle it in the hearing of Thady. I'll call 
 his attention to it, and I'll bet half a crown 
 he hasn't the least notion what it is." 
 
 " Try it," said the priest. " But, mind 
 you, I'll take no responsibility. If there's a 
 row, I'll say you did the whole thing un- 
 known to me." 
 
 Dr. Whitty strolled into the hotel at ten 
 o'clock that night. There were five or six 
 men drinking at the bar, all of them, he was 
 pleased to see, prominent politicians and 
 strong allies of Thady Glynn. He ordered 
 a bottle of porter, and then, leaning against 
 the bar, whistled "God Save the King" 
 loudly and clearly. Then he drank half his
 
 GOD SAVE THE KING" 133 
 
 porter and whistled the tune through again, 
 throwing great spirit into the last few bars. 
 
 "That's a fine tune," he said when he had 
 finished. 
 
 " It's good enough," said Thady. 
 
 " It's a tune I'm thinking of teaching the 
 town band to play the day of the sports," 
 said the doctor. "It's only the other day it 
 was discovered, hid away in an old book 
 that was buried in a bog in the neighbour- 
 hood of the hill of Tara. It turns out to be 
 the ancient tune that was sung by Malachi, 
 the High King of Ireland, at the time he 
 was driving the English out of the country. 
 There's great talk about it up in Dublin." 
 
 " It would be well," said Thady, "that the 
 band would learn something new. We're 
 tired of them old tunes they've been playing 
 since the bandmaster was sent away." 
 
 Dr. Whitty, in order to make sure of 
 getting the music in the most correct form 
 possible, sent to Belfast for it. He had to 
 copy it all out in manuscript when he got 
 it, because the inconsiderate publisher had 
 printed " God Save the King " at the top of 
 every sheet of the score. Every sheet of 
 Dr. Whitty's version had "The Song of
 
 134 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 King Malachi " written in large letters across 
 the top. The members of the band made 
 fair progress when the doctor took them in 
 hand. He conducted on a system of his 
 own : whistled shrilly, and flung himself into 
 all sorts of grotesque attitudes, waving his 
 arms, clenching his fists, and stamping 
 violently with his feet. He succeeded in 
 working up a most spirited performance of 
 the tune. 
 
 The day of the sports was magnificently 
 fine. The band was stationed in a prominent 
 part of the grounds, and a space close beside 
 it was reserved for Lord Allington's motor- 
 car. Dr. Whitty asked Thady Glynn to act 
 as judge and referee in all the races, an 
 arrangement not altogether satisfactory to 
 the competitors, but which he hoped would 
 keep Thady from paying any attention to 
 the band. With the same object he made 
 the secretary and treasurer of the League 
 starter and timekeeper, giving them a pistol, 
 a supply of blank cartridges, and a stop- 
 watch. 
 
 At four o'clock Colonel Beresford arrived 
 in his dogcart. Lord Allington drove up 
 in his motor-car at half-past four, and was
 
 GOD SAVE THE KING" 135 
 
 shepherded by Dr. Whitty into the space 
 reserved for him. He had Lady Allington 
 with him and two strange gentlemen. The 
 band, acting on instructions from Dr. Whitty, 
 struck up " The Minstrel Boy." This is an 
 Irish song, but quite unobjectionable because 
 it is not stated in Moore's words what war 
 the boy went to or on which side he fought. 
 
 After "The Minstrel Boy" had been 
 played through four times Dr. Whitty spoke 
 earnestly to Flaherty, the cornet player, and 
 to the man who managed the big drum. 
 Then he strolled away from the band and 
 engaged in conversation with Thady Glynn. 
 A few minutes later the band struck up 
 " God Save the King." Dr. Whitty looked 
 round nervously. Thady Glynn took no 
 notice of the tune. Most of the people 
 seemed pleased to hear it. The reputation 
 of " The Song of King Malachi " had been 
 spread beforehand by the members of the 
 band, and there was a good deal of curiosity 
 about the remarkable tune. The only thing 
 which disquieted Dr. Whitty was the be- 
 haviour of Lord Allington and his friends. 
 The whole party stood up in the motor- 
 car, and the three gentlemen took oft their
 
 136 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 hats. Colonel Beresford, who was standing 
 beside the car, stopped talking to Lady 
 Allington and stood bareheaded. 
 
 Thady Glynn, fully occupied elsewhere, 
 did not so much as glance at Lord Allington. 
 Father Henaghan had disappeared from 
 the seat he had occupied all the afternoon. 
 Dr. Whitty made his way rapidly through 
 the crowd towards the refreshment tent, 
 an establishment run in connection with 
 Thady Glynn's hotel. The band was begin- 
 ning "God Save the King" for the second 
 time when he reached it. He noticed with 
 pleasure that the starter and timekeeper of 
 the races were drinking whisky and water 
 inside the tent, apparently unconscious of 
 the band's performance. He ran round 
 to the back of the tent. There, he felt 
 sure, he would find Father Henaghan. 
 He found the priest engaged in conversa- 
 tion with Mrs. Michael Geraghty, who was 
 feeding her seven youngest children with 
 biscuits and partially ripe apples. 
 
 " Come now, Father Henaghan," he said, 
 "it's time you were going up to speak to 
 Lord Allington to get that cheque out 
 of him."
 
 " GOD SAVE THE KING " 137 
 
 "Will you whisht," said the priest, with 
 a glance at Mrs. Michael Geraghty. 
 
 "It's all right," said the doctor. "Mrs. 
 Geraghty has a respect for the clergy, and 
 wouldn't repeat what I'm saying to you 
 not that it would matter if she did, for we're 
 talking no secrets." 
 
 "I'll go when the band stops playing that 
 tune," said the priest. 
 
 "If you wait till then you'll wait too long, 
 for Lord Allington will be gone, and it's 
 ten to one you'll never see that cheque. I 
 know the ways of people of his sort. They 
 set up to be fonder of that tune than of 
 anything else in heaven or earth ; but 
 there's no surer way of getting them out 
 of a place than to play it. The minute they 
 hear the first four notes they're streaming 
 off for the door or the gate, as the case 
 may be. What I'm wondering is that 
 they've stood it as long as they have. 
 Come on, now." 
 
 He took the priest by the arm and led 
 him round the tent into the open. The 
 band, very pleased with its own performance, 
 had just begun to play the tune for the 
 sixth time. Lord Allington was still stand-
 
 138 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 ing bareheaded, but he was looking puzzled 
 and a little annoyed. " God Save the 
 King " is an excellent tune, but it is possible, 
 even for an Irish peer, to get too much of it. 
 There was not, so far as he could see, any 
 sign of exhaustion about the band. Lady 
 Allington, excusing herself on the ground 
 of delicate health, sat down at the end of 
 the fourth repetition of the tune. 
 
 "Go on now, Father Henaghan," said 
 Dr. Whitty, pushing the priest towards the 
 motor-car. 
 
 Lord Allington turned round. 
 
 " Ah," he said, " Father Henaghan, isn't 
 it ? I'm delighted to see you. Would you 
 mind telling the band to stop playing for a 
 moment ? I can hardly hear myself speak." 
 
 Father Henaghan tapped the cornet player 
 on the shoulder and gave his order. The 
 music stopped abruptly in the middle of a 
 bar. Lord Allington, with a sigh of relief, 
 sat down and put on his hat. 
 
 " That's a capital band of yours," he said. 
 " I don't know when I heard a better. All 
 native talent, eh ? That's right. Keep the 
 young men out of mischief. By the way, 
 I understand from my friend, Colonel Beres-
 
 "GOD SAVE THE KING" 139 
 
 ford, that it's dependent entirely on private 
 contributions for its support. I shall have 
 the greatest pleasure in sending you a cheque 
 for fifteen guineas to-night when I go home. 
 That will see you out of your difficulties, I 
 hope. And you can count on me for the 
 future for an annual five guineas. But no 
 Party tunes now, remember that." 
 
 Father Henaghan bowed his thanks. 
 Lord Allington, after a whisper from his 
 wife, gave a signal to the chauffeur and 
 drove off the ground. 
 
 Two days afterwards Dr. Whitty met 
 Colonel Beresford in the street. 
 
 " Come into my house for two minutes, 
 colonel," he said ; "I've something to show 
 you." 
 
 " Look here," he said, taking a letter from 
 his desk, " read that " : 
 
 " The Committee of the League (Ballintra 
 Branch) having had under consideration at 
 a special meeting the conduct of Dr. Whitty, 
 Medical Officer of the Union, with reference 
 to the band on the occasion of the recent 
 Regatta and Athletic Sports, hereby allow 
 Dr. Whitty an opportunity of defending 
 himself at 8.15 sharp in the League rooms
 
 140 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WH1TTY 
 
 to-morrow evening. Signed, on behalf of 
 the Committee, 
 
 " THADDEUS GLYNN, President " 
 
 " What do you think of that now ? " said 
 the doctor. 
 
 " It's it's the only words that seem to 
 fit it at all are blasted insolence ; but, of 
 course, you'll take no notice of it." 
 
 " Oh yes, I shall. I'll make that League 
 sit up. I shall have a glorious time with 
 them if only they're sober enough to take 
 in what I say." 
 
 "You'd better get Father Henaghan to 
 quiet them," said the colonel. 
 
 " Not at all. I'm not going to hide 
 behind the priest. I mean to see the thing 
 through myself." 
 
 At the hour fixed for the trial Dr. Whitty 
 stepped jauntily into the League rooms. 
 He was received in gloomy silence, broken 
 only by an order from Thady Glynn to 
 stand at the end of the table. The doctor 
 took a vacant chair ana sat down. Thady 
 Glynn scowled at him. Dr. Whitty smiled 
 pleasantly by way of reply. 
 
 "Dr. Whitty," said Thady solemnly, "it 
 has been reported to us that on the occasion
 
 " GOD SAVE THE KING " 141 
 
 of the recent sports, held in this town, you 
 instigated the band to play a tune that can 
 only be regarded as a deliberate insult to 
 the Irish people. What have you to say 
 for yourself?" 
 
 " What tune ? " asked the doctor. 
 
 " I won't lower myself by naming it," said 
 Thady ; " but it was a tune that's seldom 
 heard in this country outside of a music hall." 
 
 " If you mean the ancient ' Song of King 
 Malachi,'" said the doctor, "I quite admit 
 it's not often heard, but the reason of that is 
 that it has only recently been discovered, as 
 I told you and the rest of these gentlemen 
 the night I first whistled it to you. If you 
 had any objection to it you should have said 
 so then." 
 
 " King Malachi be damned," said Thady 
 Glynn. 
 
 "If you're prepared to let your temper run 
 away with you," said the doctor, "to the 
 extent of cursing one of the greatest heroes 
 of ancient Ireland, of course I can't stop 
 you. All I can do is to tell you that, if I 
 repeat that last remark of yours outside this 
 room, you'll never be able to hold up your 
 head as a Nationalist again."
 
 142 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Damn you and King Malachi both," 
 said Thady Glynn. 
 
 " Very well," said the doctor, " if you're 
 so drunk as to say a thing like that twice, 
 there's no use my talking to you. Good 
 night." 
 
 "Wait a minute," said Thady, "you'll not 
 get off so easy as all that. We know well 
 enough what the tune was, and we know 
 why you had it played. You thought you'd 
 make up to the colonel and Lord Allington 
 by heaping insults on the people of this 
 country. That's what you thought. But I 
 may tell you it won't do. It's us and not 
 them that's paying you your salary. It's us 
 and not them that's putting the bread and 
 butter in your mouth, and I tell you it won't 
 do. The tune you were the means of intro- 
 ducing into our midst is a tune that's well 
 known. It's a Party tune, and we won't 
 have it." 
 
 "What do you mean to do?" said the 
 doctor. 
 
 " We've settled on a decision before you 
 came in," said Thady, "and it's this : that if 
 you don't offer an apology to the people of this 
 neighbourhood, it'll be the worse for you."
 
 GOD SAVE THE KING " 143 
 
 " Listen to me now," said the doctor. 
 " As a matter of fact, that tune was played 
 over seven times and a half on the ground 
 the other day, and not a single one of you 
 cared a hang. The man that asked to have 
 it stopped was Lord Allington. If it was 
 the tune you think it was, would he have 
 had it stopped? He would not. He'd 
 have kept the band playing on at it the 
 whole afternoon." 
 
 "It's a damned insult " began Thady 
 
 Glynn. 
 
 "Listen to me," said the doctor, "and 
 don't interrupt. If you had as much real 
 principle about you, Nationalist or any other 
 kind, as would make a supper for a snipe, 
 I'd have some pity for you. But you're the 
 sort of man, Thady, that would sell his 
 mother for the price of a pint of porter. 
 I've let you down easy in the past, not 
 telling the things I know about you ; but if 
 there's another word out of your head, I'll 
 tell every man and woman in the place the 
 dirty trick you tried to play on poor Michael 
 Geraghty the time the inspector was down 
 to give him the money for the pier ; and, if 
 that isn't enough, I'll buy a gramophone and
 
 144 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 set it playing the tune you don't like day 
 and night outside the door of your beastly 
 public-house, and, whenever it stops, I'll pay 
 a boy to go and wind it up ; and, what's 
 more, the next time you're sick and that 
 won't be long if you go on drinking the 
 way you do at present I'll give you some 
 medicine that'll twist you round and round 
 the same way as your wife wrings out the 
 clothes when she has them washed, and 
 tie you up in knots, and, what's more, will 
 turn you bright green from head to foot 
 afterwards, so that your own children won't 
 know you when they meet you in the street. 
 After that, if there's any more fight left in 
 you, I'll give word to the police about the 
 Sunday drinking that goes on in your house, 
 and I'll have your licence taken away from 
 
 you. And if that's not enough " 
 
 Apparently it was enough. Thady Glynn 
 was cowed by the extraordinary versatility 
 of the doctor's threats. He waved his hand 
 feebly towards the door. Dr. Whitty, after 
 a cheerful good night to the other members 
 of the committee, went home.
 
 VII 
 HYGIENIC AND SCIENTIFIC APPARATUS 
 
 IT was a hot day in June, and Dr. Whitty, 
 not very busy at that season of the year, 
 was sitting in his dining-room smoking. 
 Michael Geraghty put his head in through 
 the window. 
 
 "Are you there, doctor?" 
 
 "I am," said the doctor; "can't you 
 see me?" 
 
 "It's what I have a letter for you. Jamesy 
 Casey, the postboy, gave it to me, knowing I 
 was coming up this way, seeing that it had 
 ' immediate ' written on the outside of it." 
 
 The doctor looked at the letter. 
 
 " It's from my Aunt Eliza," he said. " But 
 what the dickens she can possibly have to 
 say to me in a hurry is more than I can tell 
 you, Michael. It's not once in six months 
 she writes to me, and then it's only to get a 
 prescription out of me that she might as well 
 
 10
 
 146 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 ask her own doctor for, only that she grudges 
 the poor man what she'd have to pay him." 
 
 " Maybe it's took sick sudden she is this 
 time," said Michael, "and wanting to get 
 what would do her good in a hurry." 
 
 " She's never sick," said the doctor. 
 " What medicine she uses is for her family. 
 I never recollect her having anything the 
 matter with her." 
 
 " If it isn't that," said Michael, " I don't 
 know what it would be ; but, sure, if you 
 opened the letter you'd find out." 
 
 The suggestion was reasonable. Michael 
 Geraghty, his curiosity aroused, remained 
 with his head pushed through the window. 
 
 '"DEAR GEORGIE'" read the doctor 
 ("she's the only person in the world that 
 ever calls me that") " ' I write in great trouble 
 to inform you that your Cousin Annie has 
 contracted a matrimonial engagement. ' Look 
 here, Michael, this letter seems likely to be 
 of a confidential kind. Perhaps you'd excuse 
 my not reading the rest of it out loud." 
 
 Michael Geraghty, a man of tact and 
 delicate feeling, retired at once. Dr. Whitty 
 went on with the letter.
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 147 
 
 " ' A matrimonial engagement of a most 
 undesirable kind to a young man who has 
 little or nothing to live on ; and, so far as 
 I can make out, never will. His name is 
 against him, for one thing. How can you 
 expect anybody called Augustus Jetty to 
 make his way in the world ? But, as your 
 poor uncle said when he heard of it, we've 
 got to make the best of it. Your cousin 
 won't listen to advice either from her father 
 or me. After a great deal of trouble, your 
 poor uncle has got a situation of a sort for 
 the young man, and we're relying on you to 
 give him what help you can. He's employed 
 on commission, they call it I don't under- 
 stand business very well to travel for the 
 Hygienic and Scientific Apparatus Company. 
 As well as I can make out, he's got to try 
 and sell some kind of surgical instruments, 
 and it'll depend largely on the kind of 
 support he gets from the doctors whether 
 he makes anything or not. We are sending 
 him down to Ballintra to make a start, and 
 we're all relying on you to do the best you 
 possibly can for him. Annie encloses a note 
 from herself, but I dare say there's nothing 
 in it except foolishness. Your affectionate 
 aunt, ELIZA ' " 
 
 Annie's letter was much longer than her
 
 148 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 mother's. She wrote with considerable 
 enthusiasm about the personal charm, moral 
 superiority, intellectual force, and general 
 desirableness of Augustus Jetty, and ended 
 her letter with a formal threat 
 
 " And now, George, if you don't do your 
 best for Augustus and sell a lot of his things 
 to all your patients, I'll never speak to you 
 again as long as I live, and you wouldn't 
 like that. Father and mother are perfectly 
 horrid, so we've nobody to help us except 
 you." 
 
 Hard upon the letter Augustus himself 
 arrived. His appearance was not attractive. 
 He was undersized, pallid, very thin, and 
 seemed to be rapidly growing bald. His 
 eyes were narrow, and of a watery green 
 colour. Dr. Whitty, who had a liking for 
 his Cousin Annie, received him hospitably, 
 and offered him a cigar. 
 
 " No, thank you," said Augustus, " I never 
 smoke. The fact is, my heart is a little 
 weak, and I fear the effects of tobacco, 
 which, as you know, is a stimulant." 
 
 " I suppose, then, you wouldn't care for 
 some whisky."
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 149 
 
 " No," said Augustus. " That's a stimulant, 
 too ; moreover, I have the strongest possible 
 conscientious objection to the use of alcohol." 
 
 Dr. Whitty swallowed a mild oath, but, 
 still recollecting Annie's pretty face, spoke 
 politely to Augustus. 
 
 " Is there anything you would care for?" 
 
 " Thank you," said Augustus ; " if you have 
 such a thing as a banana in the house, I will 
 take it gladly." 
 
 " I have not a banana, and, what's more, 
 I don't believe there's one in the town of 
 Ballintra ; so, if that's the only form of food 
 you consume, I'm afraid you're likely to go 
 hungry till you leave this." 
 
 Augustus sighed heavily. 
 
 "What about your surgical instruments?" 
 said the doctor. " Have you brought any 
 specimens with you ? I could do very well 
 with a new hypodermic syringe. I broke 
 the needle of my old one last week, and the 
 thing was pretty near worn out anyway." 
 
 Augustus smiled in a feeble, vacuous way. 
 He produced from his pocket a list, which 
 he handed to Dr. Whitty. 
 
 "These are the articles our firm manu- 
 factures."
 
 150 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Dr. Whitty read the list through aloud. 
 
 " Portable Turkish Baths, 305. 6d. ; 
 superior Quality, Oak, 495. 6d. 
 
 "Home Exercisers, 175. 6d. ; with 
 Patent Springs and Pearl Grips, 255. 
 
 "Electric Belts, 125. 6d. ; Full Strength 
 of Current, 155. 
 
 " Electric Indiarubber Flesh Massage 
 Brushes, 75. 6d. each. 
 
 " Photographic Cameras, Quarter-plate, 
 Guaranteed, ^2, ics. to 
 
 " Now, how the devil," asked Dr. Whitty, 
 "do you expect to sell any of those things 
 in a place like this ? There isn't a man, 
 woman, or child in the district would take 
 a present of the whole lot of them, or know 
 what to do with them if you laid them out 
 on the mat outside their bedroom doors." 
 
 "Annie told me," said Augustus feebly, 
 " you'd be sure to be able to help me by 
 recommending them to your patients." 
 
 "Well, I'll tell you what I'll do for you. 
 I'll buy a camera myself at $. I don't 
 want it in the least, and am simply taking it 
 out of affection for my Cousin Annie." 
 
 Augustus Jetty seemed disappointed.
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 151 
 
 "Annie told me," he said, " that you'd be 
 sure to give me a letter of recommendation 
 to all your principal patients." 
 
 Dr. Whitty thought the matter over, and 
 remembered the threat at the end of Annie's 
 letter before replying. 
 
 " As a rule, I don't do this kind of thing ; 
 but in this particular case I've no objection to 
 your sticking Thady Glynn with a portable 
 Turkish bath, if you can. He's away from 
 home to-day at a fair ; so I'll give you a 
 letter to Mrs. Glynn, telling her that a port- 
 able Turkish bath is the exact thing her 
 husband really wants. If you have the nerve 
 to rush her into buying one before Thady 
 gets back, I'll take all the blame afterwards. 
 
 o 
 
 I've had it in for Thady Glynn ever since the 
 time he went for me about the band at the 
 Sports, and I don't in the least mind helping 
 you to swindle him out of thirty bob." 
 
 " What about the other things ? " persisted 
 Augustus. " Isn't there anybody who would 
 buy a home exerciser ? I'm in a position to 
 offer you a commission of 10 per cent, on any- 
 thing I sell through your recommendation." 
 
 "If you like to try the colonel with a 
 home exerciser you can. I'll give you his
 
 152 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WH1TTY 
 
 address. He's a well-off man who wouldn't 
 feel the 175. 6d. The 10 per cent, which 
 would come to something with a halfpenny 
 in it, as well as I can make out, you can 
 keep to buy furniture when you set up house 
 with Annie. While you're at it, you may as 
 well call on Father Henaghan and see if he'd 
 take an electric belt. He might fancy it, and 
 I don't suppose it can do him any harm. In 
 any case, I'll call round to-morrow and warn 
 him not to use it. The only other people who 
 could possibly buy anything are the Jacksons, 
 and I wouldn't like to stick them for more than 
 a massage brush. They have a large family." 
 
 Augustus made a careful list of the names 
 and addresses and went out, promising to be 
 back in time for dinner. 
 
 To the -doctor's great surprise he returned 
 absolutely jubilant ; he had sold all four 
 articles, delivered them to their purchasers, 
 and received cash payment. He offered to 
 make out the amount of Dr. Whitty's per- 
 centage, but seemed pleased when the whole 
 sum was made over to him as a wedding pres- 
 ent. He sat down and watched the doctor 
 eat his dinner. As there were no bananas or 
 nuts, he himself ate nothing but two slices of
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 153 
 
 very hard toast, which the housekeeper cooked 
 under protest. Next morning he left Ballintra. 
 Dr. Whitty wrote a letter to his aunt. 
 
 "My DEAR AUNT ELIZA, I have seen 
 Augustus, and feel extremely sorry for 
 Annie ! I have sold a specimen of each 
 kind of hygienic and scientific apparatus 
 to the principal inhabitants of this town, and 
 am looking forward with anxiety to the kind 
 of row there'll be to-morrow. Whatever 
 happens, don't send Augustus here again, 
 unless you want to get rid of him per- 
 manently. The people here are peaceful, 
 and have a great regard for me ; but they 
 will probably shoot him at sight if he appears 
 among them again. Give my love to Annie 
 and tell her to try her young man with a 
 steak and a bottle of porter. He wants 
 fattening up, otherwise he seems all right, 
 and ought to succeed in life, if persistence 
 will help him. Send me a bit of wedding- 
 cake when the affair culminates, and believe 
 me your affectionate nephew, 
 
 "GEORGE WHITTY" 
 
 There was, as the doctor anticipated, a 
 row, or rather four separate rows, next day. 
 The trouble began quite early with a visit 
 from Mrs. Thady Glynn.
 
 154 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "Doctor," she said, "himself is mighty 
 queer this morning, and I'd be thankful to 
 you if you'd give me some kind of a bottle 
 that would do him good." 
 
 "I'll come down and have a look at him 
 at once." 
 
 "It'd be better for you not. His temper 
 is that riz, he might be for taking a knife to 
 you. It's all along of that portable Turkish 
 bath you sent down to him yesterday." 
 
 "If he's fit to take the knife to me," said 
 the doctor, " there can't be much the matter 
 with him except temper." 
 
 "There is, then. It would make you cry, 
 if so be it didn't make you laugh, to see the 
 state it has him in. Nothing would do him 
 this morning but to have a try at it. He 
 sat in it for the best part of half an hour, and 
 the perspiration was running down off his 
 face before he was out. When he did get 
 out, you'll hardly believe me, but it had 
 him turned black from his chin to his feet, 
 every inch of him barring his head, which 
 didn't be in the inside of the bath at all." 
 
 "Nonsense," said Dr. Whitty, "it can't 
 possibly have turned him black. Why should 
 it? I expect the black was in him before
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 155 
 
 he got in, and the thing hadn't time to do 
 more than bring it to the surface. If he'd 
 stayed where he was for another half-hour it 
 would have all peeled off." 
 
 " He does say," continued Mrs. Glynn, 
 " that you've had it in for him this long time, 
 and that you said you'd turn him blue the 
 way he angered you over the tune the band 
 played the day of the Sports." 
 
 "Look here, what did you fill the lamp 
 with?" 
 
 "The lamp, is it?" 
 
 "Yes. The lamp you put in under him." 
 
 "It did say on the paper," said Mrs. Glynn, 
 " that it was methylated spirits had a right 
 to be put in, but we'd run out of them on 
 account of the way Lizzie does be taking 
 them out of the shop for curling her hair, and 
 I thought a drop of paraffin oil would do as 
 well." 
 
 " That's it," said the doctor. " It's lamp- 
 black that's the matter with the man. Go 
 home and tell him to take an ordinary bath 
 with a jampot full of soft soap beside him. 
 That'll make him all right at the end of ten 
 minutes." 
 
 " It's what I told him myself. But where
 
 i $6 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 was the use of my talking ? He said he'd be 
 in dread of any kind of a bath after what that 
 one did to him. He said with the way you 
 were treating him it would be hard to say 
 what colour he'd come out next time, and he'd 
 rather be black itself than either red or blue." 
 
 " All right," said the doctor, " if he won't 
 take a bath he'll have to go about the way 
 he is for a day or two. It'll rub off on his 
 clothes by degrees. But, if I were you, I 
 wouldn't give him clean sheets to sleep in till 
 he's got rid of the worst of it." 
 
 "He did say that " 
 
 " Hurry up, Mrs. Glynn ; I see Father 
 Henaghan's housekeeper and another woman 
 waiting in the hall to speak to me." 
 
 "He did say that if you'd take it off 
 him " 
 
 "Well, I won't. I've more to do than 
 spend my time scrubbing your husband with 
 a nail-brush." 
 
 " It was the curse he meant," said Mrs. 
 Glynn. 
 
 " Curse ? I'll put a curse on you that you 
 won't forget as long as you live, unless you 
 get out of this pretty quick. I can't spend 
 the day listening to your foolishness. I'm
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 157 
 
 afraid of my life this minute of what Father 
 Henaghan's housekeeper may have come to 
 tell me, and I'm nearly sure the other woman 
 is the Jacksons' servant." 
 
 Father Henaghan, it appeared, was in 
 serious difficulties, if not in actual pain. 
 The whole surface of that part of his body 
 covered by the electric belt had come out in 
 small white blisters. He could neither lie 
 down, nor stand up to put on his clothes, on 
 account of the pain given by the blisters 
 when anything touched them. He wanted 
 the doctor to go down to him. Dr. Whitty 
 started at once, only waiting long enough to 
 hear that Mrs. Jackson's youngest boy had 
 developed an extraordinary series of red 
 blotches on his back, and that the rector's 
 left leg had been afflicted in a similar way. 
 They had both, he was told, used the electric 
 indiarubber flesh massage brush he had 
 recommended. It took him some time to 
 soothe the physical sufferings and the mental 
 irritation of the clergy. 
 
 When he got home he found another letter, 
 marked this time in red ink : " Immediate. 
 In Great Haste." 
 
 " It's Aunt Eliza again," he muttered. " I
 
 158 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 hope to goodness the second girl hasn't got 
 engaged to be married to another commercial 
 traveller. If she has, she may starve before I 
 sell any of his infernal appliances for him." 
 
 The news Aunt Eliza's letter contained 
 was of quite a different kind. 
 
 "Your Cousin Annie has changed her 
 mind about Augustus Jetty, and I hope this 
 will reach you in time to prevent your selling 
 any of his appliances for him. She has 
 found out he is a vegetarian, and has all 
 sorts of queer notions about his own health. 
 A girl he was engaged to before he met 
 Annie has told her about him. Now, 
 whether it's the thought of the things he 
 eats or the feeling that he used to be after 
 the other girl, I don't know ; anyway, she 
 says she'd be glad to get out of her engage- 
 ment. The worst of it is that the other girl 
 tells us he's a very hard young man to get 
 rid of, and that, now he has Annie promised 
 to him, it's likely he'll stick to her. Annie 
 says that, if he does, she'll marry him if it 
 breaks her heart, rather than go back on her 
 word, for she thinks he's really fond of her, 
 though that's nonsense, of course. You may 
 be able to help us. If he can't sell any of the 
 appliances he may be willing to give up Annie. 
 That's the only hope I see of getting out of
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 159 
 
 the engagement ; so, whatever happens, don't 
 let him sell anything in Ballintra." 
 
 Dr. Whitty was still considering what 
 answer he ought to give to this letter when 
 Colonel Beresford appeared. 
 
 "I'd be very much obliged to you, doctor, 
 if you could find it convenient to come up to 
 my house and take away that home exerciser 
 I bought from your friend yesterday." 
 
 "Surely to goodness,'* said the doctor, 
 "you weren't such a fool as to go using a 
 thing of the sort ? " 
 
 "Of course I didn't use it. Is it likely, 
 at my time of life, I'd go tangling myself up 
 with a lot of pulleys and cords ? No ! 
 What I did was to have it fixed up in the 
 servants' hall. Then I told Jacobs, my man, 
 that he and the cook could take it in turns to 
 work the thing when they'd nothing par- 
 ticular to do. Jacobs has been looking flabby 
 for a long time, and the cook is getting 
 unwieldy with fat. I thought the home 
 exerciser would do them both good." 
 
 " So it ought," said the doctor. " I should 
 say myself it'd be the very thing for Jacobs." 
 
 "Well, it didn't seem to suit him. I gave 
 him the papers of ' Directions for Use,' and
 
 160 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 told him to try it very gently at the first go-off, 
 until he felt he'd got the hang of it properly. I 
 don't know what the fool did, but, anyhow, 
 there's been an accident : J acobs has a black eye 
 and won't be fit to appear in the dining-room 
 for the next week. The cook's given notice." 
 
 " I don't see what can possibly have gone 
 wrong," said the doctor, " unless you bought 
 the twenty-five shilling sort, with the patent 
 springs. You can't trust a patent spring." 
 
 " It was that one I did buy," said the 
 colonel. " I thought, from the way you 
 wrote, the man was a friend of yours, and 
 I'd do the best I could for him." 
 
 " I suppose," said the doctor, " the patent 
 spring exploded in some way." 
 
 " What the cook says is that, all of a 
 sudden, there was a kind of noise : ' the like 
 of what one of them motor-cars would make 
 when it was starting, and a clucking hen 
 along with that,' and that then 'the two 
 handles of the thing came woffling off' and 
 struck poor Jacobs in the eye, I suppose." 
 
 "And what do you want me to do? If 
 Jacobs puts a lump of raw meat to his eye it's 
 the only thing that can be done for it." 
 
 " I want you to come up and unscrew the
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 161 
 
 thing off the wall and take it away. I'll get 
 no peace till it's out of the house." 
 
 "Can't Jacobs do that?" 
 
 " Jacobs won't. He says he wouldn't touch 
 it again for fifty pounds. And the cook won't, 
 and she won't let the groom into the kitchen 
 for fear he'd lose his life over it. She seems to 
 have a strong personal regard for the groom. 
 I asked the under-housemaid, who is the only 
 sensible person left about the place, if she'd 
 have a go at it. I lent her a screw-driver, 
 and I believe the poor girl tried, but " 
 
 " The cook didn't mind about her losing 
 her life, I suppose ? " 
 
 " She didn't seem to. But, anyhow, the 
 girl failed to get it unscrewed." 
 
 " I expect she tried to twist the screws the 
 wrong way," said the doctor. " I never met 
 a woman in my life that could remember 
 which way a screw turns." 
 
 " I dare say. At all events, there's 
 nothing for it now but for you to come." 
 
 " Couldn't you do it yourself? " 
 
 " No. I daren't venture downstairs on 
 account of the temper the cook's in. In fact, 
 my plan was to wait here until you came 
 back and brought the exerciser with you." 
 
 ii
 
 162 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Well, I can't go yet," said the doctor. 
 " I'm frightfully busy at present. Father 
 Henaghan's stomach is covered all over with 
 white blisters, and the rector's leg has a red 
 blotch upon it the size of a porter bottle, 
 and to-morrow's Sunday. If I don't get 
 those two reverend gentlemen straightened 
 out in the course of the afternoon there won't 
 be a religious service of any sort in the town 
 to-morrow ; and, on top of that, Thady 
 Glynn has come out black from head to foot, 
 and can't be induced to take a bath. 
 
 " If you're going to wash Thady Glynn," 
 said the colonel, "until he's clean, I'm hardly 
 likely to see you up at Ballintra House 
 before Monday, and the dear knows what 
 state the servants will be in by that time." 
 
 "Well, "said the doctor, "rather than see you 
 absolutely stuck I'll go with you. But you'll 
 have to wait a minute till I write a telegram." 
 
 It was to his Aunt Eliza that Dr. Whitty 
 sent his message : 
 
 " Strongly recommend Annie to insure 
 the life of Augustus Jetty, marry him, and 
 then insist on his using all his own hygienic 
 and scientific appliances. She'll be a widow 
 in a week,"
 
 VIII 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 
 
 IT is popularly supposed that all Irish- 
 men take a natural delight in politics and 
 prefers public meetings to every other form 
 of amusement. This is quite a mistake. 
 It is like the corresponding theory, held 
 generally in England, that the Irish prefer 
 potatoes to any other food and take a 
 pleasure in submitting to the guidance of 
 priests. They used to live on potatoes ; 
 but it was only because they could get little 
 else. They still, sometimes, respect priests 
 because nobody else in Ireland asks for 
 respect, and men must look up to somebody. 
 They do not really care much for politics, 
 but are driven to them as theatre-goers in 
 provincial towns are at certain seasons of the 
 year forced to go to pantomimes, because 
 no other form of entertainment is offered to 
 them. 
 
 163
 
 1 64 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Dr. Whitty, for instance, had not the 
 smallest taste for politics. The speeches 
 of Members of Parliament bored him, and 
 he had a definite feeling of hostility towards 
 the League, chiefly because the principal 
 Leaguer in the neighbourhood was Thady 
 Glynn. Yet Dr. Whitty once in his life 
 took an active part in a political demonstra- 
 tion ; and his action, though not gratifying 
 to either of the contending parties, was on 
 the whole beneficial. He himself claimed 
 that he had, at a very critical moment, 
 restored law and order when there was 
 serious danger of a riot. 
 
 Shortly after the visit of Augustus Jetty 
 to Ballintra, while the camera he had bought 
 from that unfortunate young man was still a 
 new toy to Dr. Whitty, politics became 
 unusually interesting on Colonel Beresford's 
 estate. A certain widow, Mrs. Canavan by 
 name, was evicted from a farm for which 
 she had paid no rent for seven years. By 
 way of making things as pleasant as pos- 
 sible for Mrs. Canavan, her nephew, Peter 
 Canavan, was given the farm on the under- 
 standing that he would allow his aunt to 
 live with him. Peter agreed to this ; but,
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 165 
 
 as it appeared afterwards, Peter's wife did 
 not. She was a young woman with seven 
 babies and she thought there was not room 
 in the house for Peter's aunt. Old Mrs. 
 Canavan spoke her mind freely to Peter 
 and there was a good deal of unpleasantness 
 in the family circle. Peter, quite naturally, 
 took to spending most of his time in town 
 and found himself more comfortable in a 
 public-house than at home. It was not 
 Thady Glynn's public-house which he 
 frequented, unfortunately for himself. The 
 quarrel between the elder and the younger 
 Mrs. Canavan grew acute, and Dr. Whitty 
 was sent for to minister to a black eye 
 inflicted on Peter's wife. Being at the time 
 very much interested in his camera he 
 photographed young Mrs. Canavan while 
 her eye was at its worst. This was the 
 beginning of the fine collection of political 
 pictures which he made before the Canavan 
 case was finally settled. 
 
 After being summoned for assaulting her 
 niece, old Mrs. Canavan, the Widow Canavan 
 as she was generally called, declined to 
 return to her nephew's house. She took 
 lodgings in town and denounced Peter as a
 
 1 66 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "land-grabber" of the worst order. Thady 
 Glynn took up her case warmly. Several 
 strong resolutions were passed about Peter ; 
 and Dr. Whitty, recognising that he was 
 becoming a public man, photographed him. 
 He also secured a snapshot of the Widow 
 Canavan. Peter did not seem to object to 
 the resolutions in the least ; so his aunt 
 went out one night and broke down a wall 
 on the farm, so that a calf was able to stray 
 into a potato-field and do a great deal of 
 damage. For this she was brought before 
 the magistrates and sent to jail for a week. 
 Dr. Whitty photographed her between two 
 policemen, and afterwards photographed the 
 wall. It had been built up again, but Peter 
 obligingly made a fresh breach in it and 
 posed the calf for Dr. Whitty. The picture 
 was most realistic and very interesting. A 
 Dublin paper paid half a crown for the use 
 of the negative. 
 
 While the Widow Canavan was in prison 
 some members of the League, incited, it 
 was believed, by Thady Glynn, went out 
 to the farm and dug a grave opposite the 
 front door of Peter's house. Peter said 
 that he did not object to the grave in the
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 167 
 
 least ; but he spent more of his time than 
 ever in the town. If, even at this stage of 
 the proceedings, he had had the sense to 
 buy his whisky from Thady Glynn all might 
 have gone well with him. Unfortunately 
 he preferred another public-house whose 
 landlord was not an influential man. Dr. 
 Whitty photographed the grave, but the 
 picture was not a success. The hole, 
 hurriedly dug in the dead of night, did not 
 look like a grave. When photographed it 
 did not even appear to be a hole. Dr. 
 Whitty called on Thady Glynn and pro- 
 posed that the League should, in the 
 interests of art, erect a tombstone beside 
 the grave. Thady, who did not care about 
 photography, said it would be time enough 
 to do that when Peter was in the grave. 
 
 The Widow Canavan came out of prison 
 in a very bad temper and full of a desire 
 to take revenge on Peter. She lay in wait 
 for the two eldest Canavan children and 
 threw stones at them as they returned from 
 school. She did not hit them, but Peter, who 
 was getting irritated, took out a summons 
 against her. She went to jail for another 
 week. The constable who took charge of
 
 168 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 her, a young man fresh from the depot, said 
 that her language made him break out into 
 a cold sweat. Dr. Whitty photographed 
 that constable and added the picture to his 
 collection. It was Colonel Beresford who 
 suggested this picture. He said that the 
 man was a curiosity, and that his features 
 ought to be preserved for posterity before 
 his innocence faded away. 
 
 The case began to excite a good deal of 
 interest in the locality, and a subscription was 
 got up for the benefit of the Widow Canavan. 
 Peter, very generously, offered to contribute 
 a shilling ; but the League refused to receive 
 the money. Thady Glynn said that Peter's 
 only proper course was to give up the farm, 
 and that a shilling was worse than useless 
 while he continued to hold the land. Dr. 
 Whitty photographed the shilling, having 
 obtained it from the till of the public-house 
 which Peter frequented. The publican said 
 he could take his oath to its being the right 
 shilling, because he felt pretty certain at the 
 time that Peter handed it to him that it was 
 a bad one. He had not, he said, liked to 
 refuse it, because Peter was a good customer, 
 and in trouble at the time.
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 169 
 
 When the Widow Canavan got out of 
 prison for the second time she was met by a 
 deputation of the League. Thady Glynn 
 handed her the sum which had been collected, 
 173. 9d., and told her the story of Peter's 
 shilling. Any feeling of affection which she 
 may still have entertained for her nephew 
 disappeared when she heard about the 
 shilling. She said publicly that from that 
 day forward she refused to recognise any 
 relationship between herself and Peter. She 
 also felt that she owed the League some 
 return for the money which had been given 
 her. She watched for her opportunity, and 
 got it one evening when Peter lay inoffens- 
 ively drunk and quite helpless on the side of 
 the road, half-way between the town and his 
 home. She stuck a two-pronged table fork 
 into the calf of his leg. Peter's wife, when 
 she discovered what had been done to her 
 husband, sent for Dr. Whitty. The fork 
 had been extracted before he reached the 
 house, but he offered Peter half a crown to 
 allow him to stick it in again so as to obtain 
 a really interesting photograph. Peter stood 
 out for 53., and a bargain was struck in the 
 end at 35. 6d. Unfortunately Mrs. Canavan
 
 1 70 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 objected. Dr. Whitty reasoned with her, 
 pointing out that he meant to stick the fork 
 into precisely the same holes that it was in 
 before, and that Peter's leg would not be 
 any worse than it was. She still objected. 
 When he offered, in addition to the 35. 6d., 
 to let her baby off being vaccinated, she 
 hesitated for a minute. Dr. Whitty pointed 
 out, speaking as persuasively as he could, 
 that there were two holes in Peter's leg in 
 any case ; whereas, if he escaped vaccination, 
 there was no reason why there should ever 
 be a hole in her baby's arm. Mrs. Canavan 
 listened to him, but in the end she sacrificed 
 the baby. Dr. Whitty was obliged to be 
 content with a photograph in which the fork 
 appeared lying on a chair close to Peter's leg. 
 Events for the Widow Canavan seemed 
 likely to take their usual course. She was 
 commanded, under certain frightful penalties, 
 to appear before the magistrates in the Petty 
 Sessions Court. No doubt she would have 
 been quietly and unobtrusively condemned 
 to another period of imprisonment if circum- 
 stances had not combined to make her case 
 notorious. The publication of Dr. Whitty's 
 leg-and-fork photograph excited a good deal
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 171 
 
 of public attention. The Government then 
 in power, being anxious to do something 
 unpopular with regard to China, found it 
 necessary in the first instance to pacify certain 
 powerful people by establishing a reign of 
 Law and Order in Ireland. It was a 
 thoroughly well-intentioned and benevolent 
 Government, which did not wish to annoy 
 anyone unnecessarily. The Widow Canavan, 
 however, seemed to it to be just the sort of 
 person who might be used for great ends 
 without injustice of any sort. The fact 
 that she would be vigorously dealt with was 
 rather ostentatiously advertised, and two 
 Resident Magistrates were told off to try her 
 case. On the other hand, the League, 
 goaded on by Thady Glynn, saw in the 
 Widow Canavan the makings of a striking 
 victim of landlord tyranny. A Dublin bar- 
 rister of great eloquence was engaged, at a 
 fee, it was understood, of forty pounds, his 
 travelling expenses, and his luncheon in 
 Thady Glynn's hotel, to prove that the 
 sticking of the fork into Peter's leg was an 
 act of patriotic virtue which deserved a 
 reward, and not a punishment. A Member 
 of Parliament noted for his skill in breezy
 
 172 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 invective promised to supplement the bar- 
 rister's oration with a speech to the general 
 public outside the Court House. 
 
 The widow's fate was, of course, decided 
 beforehand. The Resident Magistrates 
 were quite ready to listen to the barrister, 
 and anticipated an agreeable entertainment ; 
 but they were not the men to be moved by 
 anything which could possibly be said to 
 them in Court. Nobody expected that their 
 judgment would be altered by so much as a 
 day's imprisonment as a result of the bar- 
 rister's speech. Allowing him an hour in 
 which to make his speech, they ordered a 
 brake to be at the door of the Court 
 House at one o'clock, to convey the Widow 
 Canavan to the County Jail. The only item 
 in the programme which gave rise to any 
 speculation was the speech of the Member 
 of Parliament. It was possible that he 
 might so far work upon the feelings of the 
 people who heard him that the police would 
 feel obliged to attack them with batons. 
 
 Thady Glynn, hoping for the best, ar- 
 ranged that there should be a large number 
 of people to listen to the Member of Parlia- 
 ment. The Government, also hoping for
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 173 
 
 the best, arranged that there should be a 
 considerable force of police outside the 
 Court House ready to attack the people. 
 Dr. Whitty, who, like Thady Glynn and 
 the Government, had hopes, arranged to 
 take a photograph of the baton charge if 
 it came off. He obtained a supply of highly 
 sensitive plates guaranteed to record satis- 
 factory impressions with the shortest possible 
 exposure. Fortune favoured him. The day 
 was remarkably fine and the light was good. 
 With the help of Michael Geraghty, who 
 supplied some planks and low trestles, he 
 arranged his camera on a sort of platform at 
 the base of the statue recently erected to the 
 memory of Wolfe Tone. The situation was 
 an ideal one, for the statue stood in the 
 middle of the street which led from the 
 Court House to the Fair Green. If there 
 was flight and pursuit it was almost certain 
 that they must pass the statue. Dr. Whitty 
 had everything in perfect readiness before 
 twelve o'clock. Michael Geraghty, who 
 was greatly interested in the camera, stood 
 beside him on the improvised platform. 
 
 The two Resident Magistrates passed up 
 the street to the Court House. They were
 
 174 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 strangers to Dr. Whitty, and they looked at 
 him suspiciously. In Ireland the guardians 
 of law and order have to be suspicious. 
 Dr. Whitty seized the bulb by which the 
 shutter of his camera was released, and 
 photographed them. He hoped the focus 
 would turn out to be right. The Resident 
 Magistrates were pleased. The photograph 
 was a tribute to their personal importance. 
 They passed on without molesting Dr. 
 Whitty. The barrister and the Member 
 of Parliament, escorted by Thady Glynn, 
 came next. Dr. Whitty hailed Thady, and 
 while the party turned round to look at 
 him secured another photograph. Michael 
 Geraghty was delighted, and persuaded a 
 body of police who marched up the street 
 to halt in front of the camera The serjeant 
 in command happened to be married to a 
 niece of Michael's wife, so there was no 
 difficulty about getting the men to stand still. 
 Some leading members of the League, on 
 their way to help in the administration of 
 justice, were also photographed. Then en- 
 sued a long period of waiting. 
 
 "The brake," said Michael Geraghty, 
 "isn't ordered till one o'clock. I was
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 175 
 
 talking to the man who is to drive it, and 
 he told me so himself. If there's anything 
 that you'd like to be doing in the mean- 
 while, doctor, you have time enough." 
 
 " I wouldn't trust them," said Dr. Whitty. 
 " If I went away it's as likely as not they'd 
 hurry the whole thing up, and I'd miss the 
 show afterwards." 
 
 "They couldn't. Isn't the man they have 
 down from Dublin bound to be talking for 
 the best part of an hour ? Would they pay 
 him forty pounds for less ? " 
 
 " I have no doubt he will if he's let," said 
 Dr. Whitty. " But there was a determined 
 look in the eye of the nearest of the two 
 magistrates. I wouldn't wonder if they cut 
 him short." 
 
 "They might then, them two, if they 
 was left to themselves. But the colonel 
 will be on the bench along with them 
 ones, and he'll see fair play all round. He 
 doesn't care a great deal for Thady Glynn, 
 but he isn't the man to see forty pounds spent 
 and nothing done for the money." 
 
 " The colonel won't be on the bench. The 
 very first thing that Dublin man will do 
 will be to put the colonel off. He'll say
 
 1 76 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 the colonel's an interested party and ought 
 not to sit on the case." 
 
 " I wouldn't wonder if he did say that ; 
 but the colonel mightn't go for him." 
 
 " He will," said Dr. Whitty. " I know 
 him well. If they make out that he has any 
 sort of connection with either Peter's leg or the 
 fork he'll step down off the bench at once." 
 
 " As regards the Widow Canavan, it'll be 
 the same thing whether he does or doesn't." 
 
 "It will, of course ; but it'll be so much to 
 the good for the Dublin lawyer if he succeeds 
 in chasing the colonel." 
 
 Events justified the prophecies of both 
 Dr. Whitty and Michael Geraghty. The 
 colonel resigned his place on the bench, but 
 the barrister made a full-length speech. At 
 one o'clock the brake drove slowly up the 
 street and was hooted vigorously by the 
 crowd. It took its stand outside the Court 
 House door, under the protection of a double 
 line of police. At a quarter-past one the 
 Widow Canavan, in the charge of four 
 constables and uttering terrific language, was 
 hustled into it. It drove through the crowd, 
 and Dr. Whitty obtained a photograph of 
 it as it passed him. Thady Glynn, the
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 177 
 
 barrister, who looked hot, and the Member 
 of Parliament appeared on the Court House 
 steps. The crowd cheered vociferously. 
 The Member of Parliament stepped to the 
 front, took off his hat, and began to speak. 
 
 " I can't hear a single word he says," said 
 Dr. Whitty. " Can you, Michael ? " 
 
 41 1 cannot ; but, sure, I've often heard the 
 like before." 
 
 The two Resident Magistrates, followed 
 by Colonel Beresford, slipped round the 
 back of the Member of Parliament and 
 took up a secure position among the police. 
 
 " I wouldn't wonder," said Michael Ger- 
 aghty, " but he might be saying things 
 against the colonel now. He has all the 
 look of it." 
 
 The orator's arm was in fact stretched out 
 and his finger pointed in the direction of the 
 place where Colonel Beresford was standing. 
 
 " It's either him or the magistrates that's 
 getting it, and getting it hot this minute," 
 said Michael Geraghty. " Look at the way 
 Thady Glynn has his hat took off of his 
 head and it waving up and down in the 
 air. The like of that I never seen yet." 
 
 The Member of Parliament was evidently 
 
 12
 
 178 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 doing his best. The cheers of the crowd 
 testified to the fact that he was speaking 
 acceptable, things. Urged on to fresh ex- 
 ertion by, the popular approval of his efforts, 
 his voice rose to a sort of shriek, and the 
 word " Hell" came ringing down the street. 
 
 "Good," said Dr. Whitty, "if those 
 magistrates are any use they'll put a 
 stop to that." 
 
 But neither the magistrates nor the police 
 showed any sign of unusual emotion. The 
 Member of Parliament wiped his forehead 
 and started again. He made a good 
 beginning, and the words " Men of the 
 West" were plainly audible to Dr. Whitty 
 and Michael Geraghty. Then for a while 
 his strength failed him, and it was not 
 until he reached his second peroration that 
 Dr. Whitty heard any more. Then the 
 expression " dastardly land-grabber " sounded 
 out clearly. The police did not seem to 
 object to that in the least, but the Member 
 of Parliament was a determined man. At 
 the end of another quarter of an hour he 
 succeeded in saying something which stirred 
 up one of the magistrates. There were 
 signs of activity among the police. The
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 179 
 
 Member of Parliament worked himself up 
 to a series of inarticulate shrieks. Batons 
 were snatched out of their cas^s. Thady 
 Glynn, the barrister, and the Member of 
 Parliament, who was breathless and some- 
 what dishevelled, skipped back into the Court 
 House. The crowd began to run down the 
 street. The police came after them, were 
 among them, struck right and left with their 
 batons. 
 
 Dr. Whitty seized his opportunity. Just as 
 the foremost members of the crowd reached 
 the front of his platform he sprang forward. 
 
 " Stop ! " he shouted. " Hold on ! Stand 
 just as you are for a single instant ! All of 
 you ! " 
 
 Everybody looked up, and everybody 
 stopped in sheer amazement. There was 
 something about Dr. Whitty's shout, a 
 cheerful gaiety, a sort of suggestion that 
 the whole thing was a game got up for 
 his amusement, which took the heart out 
 of police and people alike. Most of them 
 knew the doctor well, and everybody liked 
 him. He squeezed the bulb which he held in 
 his hand. There was a sharp click, plainly 
 audible in the silence which followed the pause,
 
 180 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "Thank you, gentlemen," said Dr. Whitty. 
 " Now just stand as you are till I change 
 the plate and take you again. The police 
 will kindly look as ferocious as they can. 
 Everybody else must wear an expression 
 of terror. Nobody may grin. I notice 
 several men grinning now. Please don't 
 do it. This is a serious business. It is 
 riot, and will be reported in all the papers." 
 
 The taller of the two magistrates, the 
 man whom Dr. Whitty had noticed earlier 
 in the day as looking determined, elbowed 
 his way through the crowd. 
 
 " What's this ? " he said ; " what's all this ? 
 Why aren't the police doing their duty ? " 
 
 "It's all right," said Dr. Whitty cheer- 
 fully. " They'll be doing it again in a 
 minute. I'm taking a photograph. Just 
 stand where you are, will you ? You'll look 
 uncommonly well there. Your expression 
 of face is perfect. Michael Geraghty, give 
 me that other slide, quick. Not that one. 
 The plates in that are used. Oh, confound 
 it ! Here's that ass Thady Glynn." 
 
 Thady, the barrister, and the Member of 
 Parliament, noticing from their post inside 
 the Court House door that there was a hitch
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 181 
 
 in the proceedings, came hurriedly down the 
 street. 
 
 "We protest," said Thady, "against this 
 outrageous attack which the police " 
 
 " You shall hear more of this," said the 
 Member of Parliament. " I shall denounce 
 these proceedings from my seat in the 
 House. I shall " 
 
 Dr. Whitty's shutter clicked again. 
 
 " Thank you, gentlemen," he said. " I 
 think I can promise two successful pictures. 
 I've quite finished now, and any time you 
 like to go on with your riot you can." 
 
 Everybody, except the magistrate, Thady 
 Glynn, and the Member of Parliament, 
 grinned broadly. No one showed any in- 
 tention of either running away or pursuing. 
 Some one on the outskirts of the crowd 
 demanded a speech from the doctor. 
 
 " Gentlemen," said Dr. Whitty, " I think 
 you will all agree with me that the proceed- 
 ings have terminated in a manner most 
 satisfactory to everybody concerned. My 
 photographs will be published in a large 
 number of newspapers. They will prove 
 how enthusiastically the Royal Irish Con- 
 stabulary respond to the call of duty.
 
 1 82 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Nothing could be better calculated to 
 establish the reputation of the force than a 
 representation of it in the very act of attack- 
 ing a crowd. On the other hand, the cause 
 of the League will be greatly advanced in 
 Great Britain, Ireland, and America, when 
 it is shown by actual photographs how 
 brutally the people of this country are 
 coerced by the armed forces of British rule. 
 Again, the police would certainly have got 
 very hot and uncomfortable if they had gone 
 on running down this street at the rate at 
 which they started. Now, if they don't 
 particularly want to run, they can go quietly 
 back to their barrack. Also, if the riot had 
 gone on, a number of people, probably quite 
 innocent people, would have got hit about 
 the head and body. They ought to be 
 thankful to have escaped." 
 
 "Three cheers for the doctor," said 
 Michael Geraghty. 
 
 Colonel Beresford made his way through 
 a thoroughly good-humoured crowd to the 
 Resident Magistrate. 
 
 " I really think," he said, " that we shall 
 all look rather fools if we go on with the 
 baton charge after this incident."
 
 IX 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 
 
 THE day was hot, really hot, as days 
 very seldom are on the Connacht 
 coast. Dr. Whitty was bathing off the end 
 of the pier and enjoying himself greatly. 
 Michael Geraghty sat on the edge of the 
 pier with his legs dangling over the water 
 and gazed gloomily at the doctor. From 
 time to time he struck a match and lit a 
 damp plug of tobacco which lay at the 
 bottom of the bowl of his pipe. There came 
 after a while to be quite a flotilla of matches 
 in the water round the steps of the pier. 
 Two of them stuck to the doctor's legs when 
 he dragged himself at last on to dry land. 
 He picked them off and dropped them into 
 the sea again. 
 
 "I wish," he said, "that you'd get out of 
 the habit of using a whole box of matches to 
 light your pipe. Why won't one do you ? "
 
 184 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "The times," said Michael Geraghty, "are 
 mighty dull." 
 
 "I don't see," said Dr. Whitty, "that 
 that's any reason for wasting matches. In 
 fact I should say that a wave of commercial 
 depression such as you hint at ought to lead 
 sensible men to consider small economies." 
 
 " What's troubling me most," said Michael 
 Geraghty, " is them two anchors. I'm sorry 
 now that ever I bought them, though I don't 
 deny but I got them cheap." 
 
 Dr. Whitty was rubbing himself vigorously 
 with a rough towel. 
 
 " What anchors ? " he said. 
 
 " Them two anchors that I bought the 
 time of the wreck. The customs officer was 
 selling what was left of the ship, and I got 
 the both of her anchors for five shillings. 
 They're good anchors. You wouldn't see 
 better. But what's the use of them in a 
 place like this ? " 
 
 "Was that the time we had the clergy up 
 talking Latin and Greek to Affy Hynes?" 
 
 "It was," said Michael Geraghty, grinning. 
 
 Dr. Whitty slipped his shirt over his head. 
 Then he fished a pipe out of his coat pocket, 
 pressed the tobacco into the bowl and sat
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 185 
 
 down on the steps of the pier. The sun was 
 shining very brilliantly and he liked the feel 
 of its heat on his bare legs. 
 
 " Hand over that box of matches," he 
 said, "if there are any left in it." 
 
 "They're good anchors," said Michael 
 Geraghty. " Devil the better you'd see. 
 But where's the use of them lying in the 
 shed at the back of the house ? " 
 
 " Why don't you sell them if they're as 
 good as all that ? You couldn't get less than 
 five shillings for them whatever happened." 
 
 " Sell them ! It's thankful I'd be to sell 
 them if I could. But who'd buy them ? " 
 
 "Advertise in The Irish Times," said the 
 doctor. " There must be somebody in the 
 world somewhere who wants a good anchor." 
 
 " It wouldn't be a bit of use. The 
 carriage of them things to any place where 
 they might be wanted would be more than 
 they'd cost when they're new. What with 
 carting them all the way to Dunbeg and the 
 railway rates, which has the people of this 
 country robbed " 
 
 " There's a commission sitting on railway 
 rates this minute," said the doctor. " If you 
 were to threaten the company that you'd
 
 1 86 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 bring up the case of your two anchors, you 
 might get them carried cheap in an empty 
 truck." 
 
 " I would not," said Michael gloomily. 
 "Don't I know I wouldn't? And there'd 
 be the price of the advertisement to be 
 considered." 
 
 Dr. Whitty pulled on his trousers and 
 collected together his boots and socks. 
 Then he said 
 
 " Why don't you sell them to the Govern- 
 ment ? " 
 
 " Is it the Lord Lieutenant?" 
 
 "Well, not exactly the Lord Lieutenant 
 personally. You could hardly expect him 
 to invest his hard-earned savings in old 
 anchors just to oblige you. When I said 
 the Government, I meant the Board." 
 
 "What Board?" 
 
 " Any Board. It doesn't seem to me to 
 matter what Board buys them so long as you 
 get your price. You've plenty of choice. 
 There's the Prisons Board, the Agricultural 
 Board, the National Board of Education " 
 
 " Talk sense," said Michael Geraghty. 
 " What would one of them school inspectors 
 be doing with an anchor if he had it ? "
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 187 
 
 " That would be his affair. He might 
 take it round with him for the purpose of 
 giving the children an object-lesson in navi- 
 gation. But I wouldn't be inclined to try 
 the Education Board first of all. You might 
 fall back on it if all the others failed. But 
 I'd begin with the Congested Districts 
 Board." 
 
 " I might try them." 
 
 " They're a good Board," said the doctor, 
 " engaged in every kind of miscellaneous 
 work. They'd be able to find some use for 
 almost any sort of odds and ends 
 
 "The anchors is good anchors," said 
 Michael stiffly. " I wouldn't be trying to 
 get the better of a Board by selling them 
 rotten stuff." 
 
 " You would not, of course ; and I wouldn't 
 help you if I thought you were perpetrating 
 any sort of swindle. In fact, I'll step round 
 as soon as I've finished dressing and take a 
 look at the anchors, so as to be sure they're 
 all right. If we were going ",to deal with the 
 Education Board it wouldn't so much matter, 
 but the Congested Districts Board is as 
 likely as not to tie some floating objects to 
 the anchors and sink them in the sea, so
 
 1 88 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 we'll have to make sure beforehand that 
 they'll bear the strain." 
 
 Dr. Whitty fastened his collar and made a 
 neat bow of his tie. Then he smoothed his 
 wet hair with both hands and put on his hat. 
 Michael Geraghty rose slowly to his feet, and 
 the two men went together through the town 
 to the shed at the back of Michael's house. 
 
 "Those," said the doctor, "seem to me 
 very large anchors. They are much bigger 
 than I expected." 
 
 " They are big, of course. She was a 
 three-master from San Francisco that they 
 belonged to first of all." 
 
 " I'm afraid," said the doctor, "that we 
 can't approach the Congested Districts Board 
 directly about the purchase of those anchors. 
 They'd shy at the enormous size of them." 
 
 " I was thinking that myself." 
 
 " But there's no reason why we shouldn't 
 get at them obliquely. After all, there'll be 
 much less suspicion excited if we pretended 
 that we weren't selling anchors. The proper 
 way to get at a Board of that sort is to start 
 a public agitation in favour of some purely 
 philanthropic scheme and then slip in the 
 anchors at the end in a way that they won't
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 189 
 
 be noticed. The thing for us is to hit on 
 some work of public utility which will involve 
 the use of anchors. Now what sort of things 
 can be done with anchors ? " 
 
 "If so be," said Michael, "that the Board 
 had any notion of establishing a fishing 
 station here, they'd be wanting to have an 
 old hulk in the bay to hold the ice for pack- 
 ing the mackerel in, and she'd have to be 
 anchored." 
 
 " That's not a bad idea. But I doubt if 
 it would work out satisfactorily. The chances 
 are that any hulk they'd bring here would 
 have her own anchors. Nice fools we'd look 
 if we saddled the town with a fishing station 
 and had all the people running into debt to 
 buy boats and nets and things, and then at 
 the latter end found that we hadn't got rid 
 of the anchors. But there must be other 
 things besides ice hulks which require 
 anchoring. What about a lightship ? " 
 
 "A lightship?" 
 
 " Yes. I suppose you could build one if 
 you got the order, and fit it out with 
 anchors ? " 
 
 " I'm not sure could I. I never seen one of 
 them things."
 
 190 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "You could do it all right if you tried. 
 After all, it wouldn't be any harder than 
 building a pier, and you did that. A light- 
 ship is just the sort of thing that's wanted 
 here. We could quote that wreck to show 
 the necessity for it." 
 
 " How would it be," said Michael doubt- 
 fully, "if we was to ask for a buoy? I'd 
 be easier in my mind working with buoys, 
 which is what I know something about." 
 
 "Right," said Dr. Whitty. "We'll have 
 buoys. We'll have the channel up to the 
 pier marked out with two large buoys." 
 
 " It would take more than two buoys 
 to mark out that channel," said Michael, 
 grinning. " Sure the rocks is as thick as 
 fleas on a dog's back." 
 
 " It doesn't matter how many they put. 
 Let them put fifty if they like. Our point 
 is that there must be at least two fastened 
 to the bottom of the sea with really first-rate 
 anchors. That is our irreducible minimum. 
 You see the way the thing works out, don't 
 you, Michael ? These Boards which spend 
 public money are always most frightfully 
 conscientious about effecting small economies. 
 When we get them to agree to buoy that
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 191 
 
 channel they'll simply jump at your two 
 anchors in order to save the expense of 
 dragging others all the way from Dublin." 
 
 " I see that." 
 
 " Very well. Go you now and write a 
 proper petition to the Board. When you 
 have it written take it round and get every- 
 body to sign it. Get the priest and the 
 rector and the old colonel first of all. I'll 
 drop in on the colonel as I pass the house 
 and tell him to expect you. Get Thady 
 Glynn and the League fellows. They won't 
 refuse." 
 
 Michael Geraghty wasted no time after 
 the doctor left him. He sent a message 
 down to the school requesting the presence 
 of his eldest daughter at once. She was, 
 he said, urgently required at home. He 
 realised that he was not very sure of the 
 way to spell certain unusual words likely to 
 be required in the petition, and Molly wrote 
 a very good hand. Early in the afternoon 
 he had his document ready for signature. 
 
 "To THE RIGHT 
 HONOURABLE MEMBERS OF YOUR BOARD 
 
 " DEAR SIR, It is the unanimous desire 
 of us, the inhabitants of Ballintra, signed
 
 192 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 herewith, to have the channel leading up 
 to the pier, lately built by your honourable 
 Board, marked out plain with buoys. Now 
 I say at once that of all the blessings which 
 your honourable members have conferred on 
 us, the people of the congested districts, this 
 would be the greatest and at once the most 
 needed. To do this, I have practically 
 worked it out, and it would require two 
 buoys, and you can see at once the untold 
 blessing it must prove to the poor. Then 
 again, see the advertisement it must prove 
 to the district in opening direct communica- 
 tion by sea with tourists and the public 
 generally. I again impress the great 
 urgency there is in the establishment of 
 the scheme, and I assure you I shall do a 
 man's part in making it a huge success. 
 I should mention that the officials of your 
 honourable Board in discharge of their duties 
 will not be near so liable to be drowned 
 provided you grant the buoys, same to mark 
 the worst of the rocks, which as situated 
 presently is a constant danger to boats and 
 ships. The price of the buoys would not 
 be much in the eyes of your honourable 
 members. The anchors for same being all 
 that would come expensive, and them not 
 very if properly worked.' The gentlemen 
 whose names appear below includes all the
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 193 
 
 principal men of the district, without religion 
 or politics, and there will be more of them 
 if more is wanted by the honourable Board. 
 But where would be the use ? " 
 
 At about six o'clock in the evening 
 Michael Geraghty called on Dr. Whitty. 
 He carried the petition in his hand. 
 
 " I dunno," he said, " will it be any use 
 posting it to the Board at all." 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 "The priest won't sign it, and no more 
 will Mr. Jackson. I didn't try the rest of 
 the people, for what good would they be if 
 the clergy held back ? " 
 
 "Nonsense," said Dr. Whitty. "They 
 must sign." 
 
 " I tell you they won't then, neither the 
 one of them nor yet the other." 
 
 " You must have gone about it in some 
 silly way and got their backs up. I saw the 
 colonel this afternoon, and he promised he'd 
 sign. Did you try him ? " 
 
 "I did not. What was the good ? " 
 
 " Well, run up with it to him now and get 
 his signature. I '11 'step round in the mean- 
 while and see the two clergymen." 
 13
 
 194 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Mr. Jackson, when Dr. Whitty walked up 
 to the Rectory, was mowing his lawn and 
 looked hot. 
 
 " Give me a turn at that," said the doctor. 
 " I'll finish off round the flower-beds while 
 you sit down and rest yourself." 
 
 " It's very good of you," said the rector, 
 " but I couldn't think of allowing you to " 
 
 " Nonsense," said the doctor, seizing the 
 machine. " I shall enjoy it. By the way, 
 I hope you agree with Colonel Beresford 
 about the necessity for having the channel 
 up to the pier properly buoyed." 
 
 " Colonel Beresford ? " 
 
 " Yes. He's using all his influence with 
 the Congested Districts Board to get it 
 done. Michael Geraghty is forwarding a 
 sort of petition." 
 
 " I saw that," said the rector, " but I didn't 
 know that Colonel Beresford " 
 
 " The colonel didn't actually write it out," 
 said the doctor, "but he's signing it." 
 
 "It struck me as rather an illiterate docu- 
 ment. I hardly cared to put my name to 
 
 Not that I've any objection to buoying the 
 
 channel. I merely felt that Did you 
 
 read the petition ? "
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 195 
 
 " No, I didn't." 
 
 "It's expressed in such an odd way. If it 
 was written out again in decent English 
 
 " I see what you mean ; but, if you'll 
 excuse my saying so, you're making a mis- 
 take. The colonel and I were particularly 
 anxious to have it expressed in that sort 
 of way. You know the Congested Districts 
 Board, of course ? " 
 
 " Not personally." 
 
 " Ah ! Well then you wouldn't under- 
 stand. The fact is, that Board particularly 
 prides itself on being in direct touch with the 
 people. It likes all petitions to come from 
 the people, and tries to avoid having anything 
 to do with the educated classes. That's the 
 reason we got Michael Geraghty to draw up 
 the thing himself." 
 
 " Oh ! " said the rector. " I hadn't thought 
 of that. Of course, if Colonel Beresford 
 thinks that's the wisest plan " 
 
 " That's right," said the doctor. " I'll send 
 Michael round with it again this evening, and 
 you'll sign." 
 
 He finished off the mowing and walked 
 on to the Presbytery. 
 
 "I'll not put my name to any such thing,"
 
 196 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 said Father Henaghan. " Do you want to 
 make a public fool of me ? " 
 
 " I do not. Is it likely I'd want to make 
 a fool of you and Mr. Jackson and the colonel, 
 not to mention myself?" 
 
 "Well, then, what did you send Michael 
 Geraghty round with that paper for ? Didn't 
 you know " 
 
 " Look here now, Father Henaghan," said 
 the doctor, " be sensible. What was that 
 paper ? " 
 
 " So far as I could make out it was meant 
 to be a petition to the Congested Districts 
 Board." 
 
 "It was. Now, what do you suppose 
 generally happens to petitions sent to public 
 Boards?" 
 
 " I don't know." 
 
 " Well, I'll tell you. Some clerk or other 
 takes them and enters the name of them 
 along with a number in a large book. When 
 he does that he goes home to his tea, and 
 nobody ever hears anything more about them. 
 That's the ordinary, well-written, sensible- 
 looking petition. There's simply no use 
 sending it in at all. But what do we do ? 
 We draw up a petition which strikes the
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 197 
 
 clerk who reads it as out of the common. 
 Instead of indexing it and going home, he 
 passes it on to some kind of official above 
 him. He thinks it an excellent joke, and 
 shows it to some one else. In the end it 
 gets to the really influential people the 
 bishops and men of that sort who actually 
 run the Board. Then it's attended to." 
 
 " All the same I don't see " 
 
 " Surely you're not opposed to having the 
 channel up to the pier properly marked out 
 with buoys ? You can't mean that. You 
 ought to have more sense than to be setting 
 yourself against the will of the people in a 
 matter of the kind. Let me tell you, Father 
 Henaghan, there's lots of men in Ireland at 
 the present moment only too anxious to get 
 a hold of some sort of excuse for attacking 
 the clergy. If it comes out that you refused 
 to take any part in the movement for buoying 
 out the channel, your action will be repre- 
 sented in a most unpleasant way. Besides, 
 after all, you must want to have the channel 
 buoyed." 
 
 " I don't care whether it is or not. There 
 isn't a boat goes up to that pier once in the 
 twelve months. What good will it be ? "
 
 198 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " That's not the way to look at it at all. 
 What you ought to be asking is : What harm 
 can it possibly do ? " 
 
 " I don't suppose it'll do any harm, because 
 I don't suppose it'll ever be done." 
 
 "Very well then, you'll sign the petition. 
 It's for your own good that I'm pressing you. 
 Mr. Jackson is signing it, and it won't look 
 at all well if you refuse." 
 
 When the petition had been dispatched 
 with about thirty signatures attached to it, 
 Dr. Whitty had another interview with 
 Michael Geraghty. 
 
 " Michael," he said, " it won't do for you 
 simply to sit down and wait for the Board tc 
 come along and buy your anchors. You 
 must stir yourself and work things up a bit." 
 
 " Is it a public meeting you have in your 
 mind?" 
 
 " It is not. A public meeting is an 
 excellent thing in its way, but I strongly 
 suspect that the Board will send down my 
 old friend Eccles to look into this matter. 
 You remember Eccles, don't you?" 
 
 " I do," said Michael. " He was the 
 gentleman that wanted a bit added on to 
 the end of the pier."
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 199 
 
 " Exactly, He's not by any means a 
 fool ; and a public meeting wouldn't impress 
 him in the least. What we want for him is 
 a few wrecks." 
 
 "Wrecks, is it?" said Michael doubtfully. 
 
 " Yes. Wrecks wrecked boats lying on 
 the rocks on the way to the pier. The rocks 
 that we want to have buoyed. Are there any 
 old boats you could get the loan of for a few 
 days?" 
 
 "There is, of course." 
 
 " Very well, get them. Get half a dozen if 
 you can. Row them out and put them on the 
 rocks, one on each rock that you can find near 
 the pier. When you have them there I '11 photo- 
 graph them, and send copies of the pictures up 
 to the Board. That will prepare Eccles' mind 
 for what he may expect when he gets down 
 here. When he arrives, we'll take him out in 
 a boat and run him on to a rock just to show 
 him how dangerous the place really is." 
 
 " I wouldn't care to do the like to any 
 gentleman." 
 
 "He can swim," said the doctor. "You 
 needn't be the least anxious about him, and, 
 anyway, it won't come to swimming if you 
 manage properly."
 
 200 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 In due time Mr. Eccles arrived. Dr. 
 Whitty met him at the railway station, and 
 invited him to luncheon. 
 
 "After that," he said, " I'll take you down 
 to the pier. I asked a few people to meet 
 you there Father Henaghan, and Mr. 
 Jackson the rector, and Colonel Beresford, 
 and Michael Geraghty. Unfortunately none 
 of them could come except Michael, but 
 he'll explain to you exactly what has to be 
 done." 
 
 " Whitty," said Mr. Eccles after luncheon, 
 " I don't mind telling you beforehand that 
 the Board is going to mark out that channel 
 of yours. It won't make a bit of difference 
 now whether you tell me the truth or not, 
 but I'd like to know, as a matter of curiosity, 
 why the devil you want the thing done. 
 It won't bring any money worth speaking of 
 into the place. We'll send down all the 
 things we want from Dublin, and your friend 
 Geraghty, who seems to be at the bottom of 
 the swindle, won't earn a penny over it." 
 
 " If it's a swindle," said the doctor, " why 
 on earth is your Board doing it ? You ought 
 to have stopped them. You're their marine 
 adviser, aren't you ? "
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 201 
 
 " I tried to stop them," said Mr. Eccles, 
 "but that infernal petition of yours was too 
 much for me. The part about the benefits 
 which the honourable members had conferred 
 on the people fetched the Board like any- 
 thing. There are two or three of the 
 honourable members who can really see a 
 joke, and they insisted that the channel 
 should be marked out. Now I've been quite 
 frank with you, and I expect you to tell me 
 the inner meaning of the move." 
 
 " The fact is," said Dr. Whitty, " that the 
 channel is frightfully crooked and dangerous. 
 Boats are continually running on rocks, and 
 though there have been no lives actually lost 
 as yet, there's no saying when some poor 
 fellow with a wife and family depending 
 on him will get drowned. You saw those 
 photos I sent up to the Board, I suppose." 
 
 "Yes, I saw them." 
 
 " I suppose you think they were faked. 
 Well, you're wrong, quite wrong. Every 
 one of them represents an actual boat on a 
 real rock." 
 
 "Three of them," said Mr. Eccles, 
 " appeared to me to represent the same boat 
 on different rocks."
 
 202 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "Quite so," said Dr. Whitty. "That 
 particular boat ran on to three rocks ; but 
 the others were all different boats. Most of 
 them are still on the rocks, and Michael 
 Geraghty is going to take you out this 
 afternoon and show you the wrecks. You'll 
 believe they're there if you're allowed to 
 touch them, I suppose." 
 
 "Thanks, but I don't think I'll go boating 
 with Michael Geraghty. I don't particularly 
 want to supply you with a photograph of 
 another wreck." 
 
 "Michael can't swim a stroke, so you 
 needn't be afraid. He'll be careful." 
 
 "All the same I won't go. All I came 
 down here for was to find out for my own 
 satisfaction the truth about this business. 
 If you won't tell me, I must just go back to 
 Dublin and send down the perches which the 
 Board has ready for your rocks." 
 
 " Perches ! " said the doctor. 
 
 "Yes, perches. Iron posts with round 
 iron shields on top of them, painted red or 
 black. The usual things for marking out 
 channels." 
 
 " It wasn't perches we asked for," said the 
 doctor, "but buoys."
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 203 
 
 " I know that ; but buoys would be 
 ridiculous on rocks that are uncovered at low 
 tide. What you want is perches." 
 
 "It's not perches we want, but buoys. 
 Perches would be no kind of use to us one way 
 or another. If it's perches you're going to 
 put up, you may as well save yourselves the 
 trouble, for we won't have them. It must be 
 buoys or nothing." 
 
 Mr. Eccles lit his pipe. Then he sat 
 without speaking for nearly ten minutes. 
 He was thinking deeply. 
 
 " Whitty," he said at last, "you have me 
 fair beaten. I'm damned if I see what good 
 buoys will be to you. I mean to say buoys 
 as distinct from perches not that I see what 
 you expect to gain by having either." 
 
 " It's buoys we want," said Dr. Whitty, 
 "and so, of course, it's buoys you'll give us in 
 the end." 
 
 "I'm not at all sure about that. What 
 the Board has decided on is perches." 
 
 " That was before the Board knew how 
 strong the public opinion of the district 
 was in favour of buoys." 
 
 " I don't think," said Mr. Eccles, "that the 
 Board is at all likely to change its mind."
 
 204 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "If it doesn't, it will stultify itself, and 
 will act in a frightfully immoral and fraudulent 
 way. Hitherto, Eccles, in spite of your 
 cynical and bureaucratic spirit, your Board 
 has been honourably distinguished among 
 all the other Boards of the country as being 
 the only one which possesses the confidence 
 of the people. It has boasted of the fact, 
 and drawn immense sums from the Imperial 
 Treasury on the strength of its being a 
 really popular Board. When it comes out 
 in Parliament, as it certainly will come out, 
 that it has deliberately flouted local opinion, 
 and has forced a lot of beastly perches which 
 nobody wants down the throats of a decent 
 set of intelligent and progressive people, 
 who asked for a few buoys when that 
 happens its reputation will be gone, and 
 it will be hauled over the coals for obtaining 
 money under false pretences, saying it was 
 in sympathy with the wishes of the people 
 when it really offers factious and contemptible 
 opposition to a perfectly reasonable demand." 
 
 " Look here, Whitty, I make you a fair 
 offer. Tell me honestly why you prefer 
 buoys to perches, and I'll do my best to 
 get you buoys."
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 205 
 
 " I'll tell you with pleasure. You offer 
 us a dozen or so great iron perches " 
 
 " Fourteen, to be quite accurate." 
 
 " Very well, fourteen. We ask for two 
 simple buoys." 
 
 "Two?" 
 
 "That's all we insist on. Two buoys. 
 Now, supposing each buoy costs the same 
 as a perch. It won't, as a matter of fact, 
 cost as much I'll explain why in a minute. 
 But supposing each buoy costs as much as 
 a perch, by adopting our scheme the Board 
 will effect an economy of twelve-fourteenths 
 in other words, six-sevenths of the total 
 amount to be spent. Public money, you 
 recollect, Eccles. Your Board may like 
 wasting money ; but we have a highly 
 developed civic conscience, and we'd rather 
 see the sum we don't actually want our- 
 selves spent on some other deserving district. 
 Are you listening to me ? " 
 
 Mr. Eccles had crossed the room, and was 
 staring out of the window, drumming a tune 
 on the panes of glass with his finger-tips. 
 
 "No, I'm not," he said; "but I will as 
 soon as you begin to talk sense." 
 
 " A further economy will be effected,"
 
 206 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 said Dr. Whitty, "by adopting our buoy 
 scheme, because the Board will be able to 
 save the carriage for the anchors of the 
 buoys. It happens, by the merest chance, 
 that there are in the town at the present 
 moment two remarkably fine anchors which 
 the Board can buy." 
 
 Mr. Eccles stopped playing tunes on the 
 window and turned round. 
 
 "Belonging, I suppose," he said, "to your 
 friend, Michael Geraghty ? " 
 
 "Yes," said Dr. Whitty, "to Michael 
 Geraghty, who is perfectly willing to sell 
 them at a reasonable price." 
 
 "Why on earth couldn't you have told 
 me that before ? " 
 
 " I wasn't quite sure," said Dr. Whitty, 
 "that you'd see it in the proper light." 
 
 "I don't; but I admire it greatly. If 
 I could I'd stop the whole thing, and give 
 you and Michael Geraghty three months 
 each in jail but " 
 
 " Don't be violent, Eccles. That sort 
 of language isn't at all suitable in the mouth 
 of a Government official." 
 
 "As I can't do that, and as my Board 
 is bent on making an ass of itself "
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 207 
 
 " It's not. It's living up to its reputation 
 and being popular." 
 
 " I shall recommend it to mark out the 
 channel with buoys instead of perches. I 
 suppose if I send you down two good 
 buoys you'll be satisfied." 
 
 " And buy the anchors." 
 
 " And buy the anchors, of course. You'll 
 be able to plant out the buoys yourselves 
 without help." 
 
 " Oh yes, we'll manage that." 
 
 "And for goodness' sake, Whitty, get 
 those boats off the rocks. They're a perfect 
 disgrace to the neighbourhood where they 
 are." 
 
 "They'll be taken off to-night," said Dr. 
 Whitty. " There's a spring tide at six 
 o'clock which will float them all, and we 
 have arrangements made for bringing them 
 home."
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 
 
 OLONEL BERESFORD came down 
 to breakfast one morning in Sep- 
 tember and found a letter from Lord 
 Allington beside his plate. He eyed it dis- 
 contentedly while he poured out his coffee. 
 
 Lord Allington was a nobleman with a 
 high sense of the duties a great magnate 
 ought to perform. It was his custom to 
 invite Colonel Beresford twice every summer 
 to dine and sleep at Allington Castle. 
 Colonel Beresford, too, had a high sense 
 of duty. He always accepted one of the 
 invitations ; but because the dinner parties 
 bored him severely he always declined the 
 other, finding, year after year, greater diffi- 
 culty in discovering any reasonable excuse. 
 He suspected that the letter before him 
 contained the second of his two invitations 
 for the current year. His face wore a 
 
 puzzled frown as he tore open the envelope. 
 
 208
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 209 
 
 " We are expecting a couple of young 
 fellows," wrote Lord Allington, "friends 
 of my son's, to spend next week with us 
 for the shooting. Danton, who is old 
 Riversdale's right-hand man in the Foreign 
 Office, is also coming and bringing his wife. 
 It will be a pleasure to us if you will 
 drive over on Tuesday, dine, and spend 
 the night. I bought a few dozen of hock 
 at poor Fillingham's auction the other day 
 capital wine, I am told and I should 
 like to have your opinion on it. What a 
 smash he came ! Two hundred thousand, 
 they say, and he got through it in five 
 years. I expect that old grocer of an uncle 
 of his is writhing in his grave. By the 
 way, I am thinking of recommending the 
 appointment of a new J.P. in Ballintra. 
 It would be a convenience to you to have 
 some one to stand between you and that 
 blackguard, Glynn. I was thinking of your 
 friend the doctor. Would he be a suitable 
 man? In my opinion, he deserves a pat 
 on the back for the admirable way he 
 behaved at the Ballintra sports last summer. 
 I understood at the time that it was he who 
 persuaded the local band to play ' God Save 
 14
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 the King.' If you think well of the idea, 
 send me a note of his name. I have for- 
 gotten it, if I ever heard it. If Tuesday 
 doesn't suit you, Wednesday will be equally 
 convenient to us." 
 
 Colonel Beresford read the letter with 
 great pleasure. He had a feeling of warm 
 friendship for the doctor, and was so much 
 gratified that he sat down immediately after 
 breakfast and accepted Lord Allington's 
 invitation. He expressed a pleasure he 
 did not actually feel at the prospect of 
 meeting Danton of the Foreign Office, and 
 promised to give an unbiased opinion on 
 the merits of the unfortunate Fillingham's 
 hock. He closed his letter with a strong 
 recommendation of Dr. Whitty, whom he 
 held up as a bright example of all a doctor 
 should be. Then, since there was no reason 
 to doubt that the appointment would be 
 made, he walked down to the town to offer 
 his congratulations at once. 
 
 He was fortunate enough to meet the 
 doctor in the street. 
 
 " I've got a little surprise for you," he 
 said, "a pleasant surprise, and I want to 
 tell you at once how pleased I am."
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 211 
 
 "Outbreak of typhoid among your 
 servants ? " said the doctor. 
 
 " No. That wouldn't be a pleasant 
 surprise ! " 
 
 "It would to me," said the doctor. " You've 
 no idea how agreeable an epidemic is to 
 a doctor when it occurs among people who 
 have some one behind them to pay the 
 bill. However, if it isn't that, it can't be 
 helped. What is it ? " 
 
 " I had a letter from Lord Allington this 
 morning. He " 
 
 " He doesn't want the town band to learn 
 1 Rule Britannia,' does he ? For if he does 
 he'll have to come over and teach them 
 himself. I am not going to take on a job 
 of that kind again." 
 
 " It's nothing of the sort," said the colonel. 
 " The fact is, Lord Allington was so pleased 
 about the 'God Save the King' performance 
 last year that he wants to see you a J.P." 
 
 " If that's the only form his gratitude takes," 
 said the doctor, " it's not much use to me. I 
 wouldn't be a J.P. for two hundred a year paid 
 quarterly straight from the Bank of Ireland." 
 
 " It's a high honour," said the colonel, who 
 had old-fashioned ideas.
 
 212 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 
 " Come, now, colonel, you can't seriously 
 
 mean that. I know you're one yourself, and 
 I think it uncommonly self-sacrificing of you 
 to keep it up, but hang it all ! look at 
 Thady Glynn ! You can't call it an honour 
 to be mixed up with that fellow." 
 
 " Glynn's only a magistrate ex officio" said 
 the colonel. " This is quite a different thing." 
 
 " Still," said the doctor, " I hardly fancy 
 myself perched up in the Court House 
 arguing with Thady as to whether it's the 
 policemen or the riotous drunkard who ought 
 to be fined. It's not good enough." 
 
 " I regard it as a public duty," said the 
 colonel, " for every one of us " 
 
 "I'm afraid I haven't got that sort of 
 conscience," said the doctor. " I really 
 couldn't be bothered. Why, think what it 
 would mean. Every publican who wanted 
 an occasional licence would be worrying the 
 life out of me. Every fellow whose heifer 
 had been caught trespassing would send his 
 wife to try and bribe me with a present of 
 some old goose or other. I'd make per- 
 sonal enemies of all the drunkards about 
 the place, and lots of them are patients of 
 mine. I can't do it. If Lord Allington
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 213 
 
 is really as grateful as you say, let him 
 break his leg and send for me to set it. 
 I should like that, but this plan of setting 
 me on to go J.P.-ing about the country 
 doesn't suit me at all." 
 
 " I've just written to him," said the colonel, 
 "strongly recommending you, and I make 
 it a personal matter, Whitty, that you accept 
 the position. I'm getting an old man, and 
 I'm beginning to find a good many things 
 tell on me in a way they didn't a few 
 years ago. It would be a great relief to 
 me to feel there was somebody I could rely 
 on a man like yourself " 
 
 " Don't say another word, colonel. When 
 you put it that way I have no choice. It's 
 all rot, of course, about your getting old. 
 You're good for years and years of scrapping 
 with Thady Glynn yet. Still, since you 
 make a point of it, I won't refuse, if Lord 
 Allington really nominates me." 
 
 "Thanks," said the colonel. "And, 
 really, you know, Whitty, it is an honour. 
 I quite feel the force of all you say about 
 Thady Glynn ; still, it's something to know 
 that you are entrusted by your sovereign with 
 the administration of the law of the land."
 
 214 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " I'll try and look at it that way," said the 
 doctor, "when I'm appointed. But I expect, 
 myself, that Lord Allington will think better 
 of it." 
 
 " Not at all. The thing's as good as 
 settled already. After he gets the letter I 
 wrote him, he won't hesitate for an hour." 
 
 The party at Castle Allington was quite 
 as dull as Colonel Beresford expected. The 
 hock, indeed, turned out excellent and 
 reflected great credit on the palate of the 
 bankrupt Fillingham. But Lady Allington, 
 whom the colonel took in to dinner, growled 
 intolerably about her health. Danton, un- 
 doubtedly a valuable man in the Foreign 
 Office, prosed abominably, and failed to see 
 the point of anybody's jokes except his own. 
 It was with a sense of relief the colonel 
 escaped to bed at eleven o'clock. Next 
 morning, after breakfast, Lord Allington 
 led him away to the library. 
 
 " I should like," he said, " to have a few 
 words with you about that doctor. Whitty, 
 isn't that his name ? " 
 
 "You've sent his name up to the Lord 
 Chancellor, I suppose?"
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 215 
 
 " No. The fact is I don't, of course, 
 attach any importance to communications 
 of this sort." Lord Allington unlocked a 
 drawer in his writing-table and drew out 
 a letter which he handed to the colonel. 
 " Still, I'm bound to take every possible pre- 
 caution. You'll quite understand, Beresford, 
 that it wouldn't do. With the way our 
 actions are criticised nowadays, we can't be 
 too careful. But read that letter." 
 
 The colonel looked the sheet of paper up 
 and down, and then read : 
 
 " YOUR LORDSHIP, Having heard that it 
 is your intention to make a magistrate of 
 Dr. Whitty, I beg to bring the following 
 fact to your notice. Dr. Whitty is drunk in 
 the evenings as often as he is sober, and, 
 only last night, had to be helped home to his 
 house by Michael Geraghty, the carpenter. 
 If you have any doubt about the truth of this 
 statement, ask Michael. He will bear out 
 every word I say. Your Lordship's humble 
 servant, ' A LOVER OF JUSTICE ' ' 
 
 " An anonymous letter ! " said the colonel. 
 "Quite so." 
 
 "And obviously written in a disguised 
 hand,"
 
 216 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "Plainly," said Lord Allington. "And, 
 of course, I attach no weight to it." 
 
 " I should hope not. The whole thing 
 is an abominable and malicious slander. I 
 shouldn't wonder if Thady Glynn was at the 
 bottom of it. He hates Whitty." 
 
 " Very likely. Still " 
 
 " Whitty never was drunk in his life." 
 
 "Who's this man, Michael Geraghty? Is 
 he a friend of Glynn's ? " 
 
 "Not at all. On the contrary, he detests 
 Glynn. Geraghty is a friend of the doctor's." 
 
 " A friend of the doctor's ! Then why do 
 you suppose the writer of this letter refers to 
 him ? If Geraghty had been an ally of the 
 other man's, of Glynn's, I could understand 
 it better." 
 
 "It is odd," said the colonel, "very odd, 
 but I'm perfectly certain that Geraghty 
 wouldn't stand in with anyone who was 
 slandering the doctor." 
 
 " Suppose, then," said Lord Allington, 
 " that you ask this fellow, Geraghty, whether 
 there's any truth in the story. There can't 
 be any harm in doing that. You could do it 
 quietly, you know." 
 
 " I shall ask him if you like," said the
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 217 
 
 colonel, " but I know very well what he'll 
 say." 
 
 " I shall be delighted to have the story flatly 
 denied," said Lord Allington, "and I'm sure 
 it will be. In any ordinary matter, Beresford, 
 I need scarcely say that your word would be 
 enough for me, but, in a case like this, you 
 will understand that I have to be extremely 
 cautious." 
 
 Colonel Beresford went home perfectly 
 satisfied that Lord Allington's anonymous 
 letter was the work of Thady Glynn. He 
 summoned Michael Geraghty to Ballintra 
 House and demanded from him a flat con- 
 tradiction of the story of the doctor's 
 drunkenness. To his surprise, Michael 
 Geraghty seemed uneasy and inclined to 
 evade the questions which were put to him. 
 
 " I wouldn't," he said, "like to be the man 
 who'd say a word against the doctor." 
 
 "Tell me straight out at once," said the 
 colonel. "Was Dr. Whitty so drunk the night 
 before last that you had to help him home ? " 
 
 "If he was itself," said Michael, "he 
 wouldn't be the first." 
 
 "Don't shuffle. Give me a plain 'yes* 
 or 'no.'"
 
 218 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "There's many a man," said Geraghty, "that 
 might make a sup too much and nobody would 
 ever think the worse of him after." 
 
 "Was Dr. Whitty drunk or was he not?" 
 The colonel's temper was beginning to give 
 way. " I may as well tell you that, if you 
 say he was, I shan't believe you." 
 
 " He was." Michael Geraghty spoke 
 without conviction. 
 
 " Was drunk ? " 
 
 "As drunk as anyone you ever seen. 
 Drunk so that he couldn't walk, nor couldn't 
 talk sense, nor didn't know what you were 
 saying to him, no more than if he was one 
 of them heifers beyond in the field and you 
 reading to it out of a book." 
 
 The indictment was definite and complete 
 enough, but it seemed quite plain to Colonel 
 Beresford that Geraghty was lying, lying 
 clumsily and without real pleasure. 
 
 "You're a liar, Geraghty," said the 
 colonel, "and you ought to be ashamed of 
 yourself taking money from a blackguard 
 like Thady Glynn and then slandering an 
 innocent man." 
 
 " I haven't spoken a word to Thady 
 Glynn this six months," said Michael sulkily,
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 219 
 
 "and I wouldn't touch his money if he 
 offered me the full of my hat of sovereigns." 
 
 " I always thought before," said the 
 colonel, "that you were, comparatively 
 speaking, an honest man. I know now 
 that you're a liar and a scoundrel." 
 
 " That's a hard word," said Michael, 
 "and, may be, if you knew what you don't 
 know, you wouldn't be so ready with it." 
 
 "You deserve it," said the colonel, "for 
 slandering Dr. Whitty, who's always been 
 a good friend to you." 
 
 " I would deserve it, if so be I'd done 
 what you say. But it's what I wouldn't do, 
 and nobody but yourself ever drew it down 
 against me that I did." 
 
 " You have done it. Even supposing the 
 doctor was drunk, which I don't for a moment 
 believe, you're the last man that ought to pub- 
 lish it. You should have kept it to yourself." 
 
 " And so I would, if so be " 
 
 " Don't talk that way to me. What's the 
 good of saying you'd keep it a secret when 
 you're joining in with Thady Glynn to 
 publish it when it isn't a fact ? " 
 
 "Colonel," said Michael Geraghty, "it's 
 well known that you're a gentleman, and I'll
 
 220 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 trust to you that what I'm going to tell you 
 will go no farther, for if ever it got out that 
 I told you, there'd be trouble for me, and, 
 what's more, you'd be sorry yourself, terrible 
 sorry, so you would. The doctor was not 
 drunk, no more than yourself this minute." 
 
 " I knew that," said the colonel. " Now 
 tell me this. Wasn't it Thady Glynn that 
 set you on to say he was ? " 
 
 " I'll not say another word, good nor bad." 
 
 " You needn't. I know very well it couldn't 
 be anyone else except Thady Glynn." 
 
 " I'll say no more. I'll neither say it is 
 nor it isn't. Only, I'll tell you this, and it's 
 my last word. If Thady Glynn was to be 
 hanged to-morrow for putting them stories out 
 against the doctor, he'd die an innocent man." 
 
 Colonel Beresford wrote at once to Lord 
 Allington a brief but emphatic letter. 
 Without attempting a detailed report of 
 his conversation with Michael Geraghty, 
 he made it plain that the charge against Dr. 
 Whitty was entirely baseless. 
 
 A few days later he received a visit from 
 Dr. Whitty. 
 
 "Colonel," said the doctor, "has anything 
 more been done about making me a J.P. ? "
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 221 
 
 "I expect," said the colonel, "to hear 
 from Lord Aliington to-day or to-morrow 
 that he has forwarded your name to the 
 Lord Chancellor." 
 
 11 I'd be glad if you'd telegraph to him not 
 to do it. I am perfectly ready to act if I am 
 appointed, as I told you the other day, but 
 well, I don't want to say more than I need 
 about a very unpleasant matter but it will 
 be better both for you and Lord Allington 
 if my name is withdrawn." 
 
 " What do you mean ? " 
 
 14 1 mean this. If I'm made a magistrate it'll 
 be a public scandal, and will bring disgrace 
 upon the Petty Sessions Court of this town." 
 
 41 If you're thinking of that ridiculous story 
 about your being drunk, I may tell you at 
 once that I don't believe a word of it, and 
 I am sure Lord Allington doesn't either. 
 I never did believe it for an instant. The 
 only thing that puzzles me about it is the 
 queer way Michael Geraghty behaved." 
 
 "I'm not thinking of that story, but of 
 something worse." 
 
 14 Let's have it, whatever it is," said the 
 colonel anxiously. 
 
 44 I'd rather not speak about it, but the
 
 222 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 truth is that my tailor is taking proceedings 
 against me in the County Court for a bill 
 I owe him which I can't pay. It wouldn't 
 look well, colonel you must admit yourself 
 it wouldn't look at all well for a newly 
 appointed magistrate to be " 
 
 " My dear fellow," said the colonel heartily, 
 "if that's all that's the matter it can easily 
 be settled." 
 
 " No, it can't. The bill's close on twenty 
 pounds, and I haven't as many pence." 
 
 Colonel Beresford crossed the room to his 
 writing-table and took his cheque-book from 
 a drawer. 
 
 "You must allow me, doctor, you really 
 must. The sum is very trifling. We shall 
 regard it as a loan, repayable at your con- 
 venience. I wish you'd told me sooner." 
 
 " I won't allow you, colonel," said the 
 doctor. " I couldn't possibly. I may never 
 be able to repay you. I hang it all ! I 
 don't want the money." 
 
 Colonel Beresford blotted his cheque, folded 
 it up, and pressed it into the doctor's hand. 
 
 " I'm glad to be able to do it," he said. 
 " It's a pleasure to me. You're a man I've 
 always liked. I've regarded you as a friend.
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 223 
 
 I shall be seriously annoyed I want no 
 thanks. I won't hear another word from 
 you. Go home at once and settle with that 
 rascally tailor. And, let me tell you, I think 
 all the better of you for coming here and 
 telling me straightforwardly about the matter. 
 It would have been awkward. I think Lord 
 Allington might have felt himself in an un- 
 pleasant position if this unfortunate business 
 had come on in the County Court immediately 
 after But we'll not talk about that. Good- 
 bye, doctor. And don't let the thought of that 
 twenty pounds come between you and your 
 sleep. I don't care if I never see it again." 
 
 Still shaking the doctor's hand, he pushed 
 him from the room. 
 
 Three days later Colonel Beresford re- 
 ceived from Lord Allington a bulky envelope. 
 It contained a copy of the last issue of T/ie 
 Connacht Mercury and a short letter. The 
 colonel read the letter first. 
 
 "MY DEAR BERESFORD, I send you here- 
 with a copy of the local paper in which I 
 have marked a paragraph in blue pencil. 
 After reading it, you will, I feel sure, agree 
 with me that it is quite impossible for us to 
 place Dr. Whitty on the Commission of the
 
 224 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Peace for this county. I cannot blame you 
 for being mistaken about the man. I made 
 the same mistake myself, allowing myself to 
 be misled by his action in the matter of the 
 performance of ' God Save the King ' at the 
 Ballintra sports last year. But we may be 
 thankful that his real character has come to 
 light in time to prevent our making a serious 
 mistake. I am, yours very sincerely, 
 
 " ALLINGTON " 
 
 Colonel Beresford took up the newspaper. 
 There was no mistake about the passage 
 which had roused Lord Allington's anger. 
 It was completely framed in thick blue lines. 
 
 " Contributions to the funds of the 
 United Irish League, received through 
 Thaddeus Glynn, Esq., J.P., Chairman 
 and Treasurer of the Ballintra Branch : 
 
 " George Whitty, Esq., M.D., Ballintra, 2, 2S." 
 
 A number of other names followed. A 
 couple of priests were credited with ten 
 shillings each. About a dozen other people 
 appeared to have subscribed sums varying 
 from two shillings to sixpence. Dr. Whitty 's 
 name came first, and his subscription was 
 much the largest. The Editor had appended
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 225 
 
 a note to the list, in which he pointed out the 
 advantage to the people's cause which would 
 follow the enrolment of men like Dr. Whitty 
 in the National Organisation. "As a pro- 
 fessional man," he wrote, " Dr. Whitty 's 
 reputation stands deservedly high. Of his 
 personal popularity there is no need to speak. 
 It remains only to express the hope that he 
 will, in the future, display the active interest 
 in the affairs of the League which his 
 generous subscription shows us he feels." 
 
 Colonel Beresford stared at the paper in 
 amazement. He found it, even with the 
 printed statement before him, impossible to 
 believe that Dr. Whitty had handed over 
 the sum of two guineas to Thady Glynn. 
 There must, he felt convinced, be some 
 mistake about the announcement. He put 
 the paper in his pocket and walked down to 
 the doctor's house. He found Whitty filling 
 a medicine bottle with some black drug in 
 a corner of his surgery. An old woman, 
 grumbling in an undertone, sat in a chair 
 near the door. 
 
 "Is that you, colonel?" said the doctor 
 cheerfully. " I was expecting you yesterday. 
 Have you only just seen The Connacht
 
 226 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITT\ 
 
 Mercury"* I'll be with you in a minute. 
 Here, Mary, take that bottle home with you 
 and rub it into your legs. Don't go drinking 
 it. It'll very likely kill you, if you do. If 
 you simply rub it in night and morning, the 
 way I tell you, it'll do you no particular 
 harm, and the thought that you have it by 
 you may be some comfort. Now, colonel." 
 
 " I suppose," said the colonel, " that this 
 announcement is a mistake." 
 
 " Not at all. It's perfectly correct." 
 
 " Then it's some sort of joke, though I 
 must confess I don't see the point." 
 
 "It's not a joke. It's serious earnest. I 
 can tell you I didn't a bit like parting with 
 that two guineas, and it went through me 
 like a knife when I saw the grin on Thady's 
 face as he pocketed the coins. I felt more 
 like killing him then than I ever did before, 
 and that's saying a good deal." 
 
 " Then you really gave it ? " 
 
 " I did. You drove me to it." 
 
 "I?" 
 
 "Yes you and Lord Allington between 
 you. First of all you refused to believe that 
 I was an habitual drunkard, although you 
 had the best possible evidence for it."
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 227 
 
 "Was it likely that we'd believe an 
 anonymous letter written by Thady Glynn ? " 
 
 " Thady didn't write that letter. I wrote 
 it myself, and if that miserable ass, Michael 
 Geraghty, hadn't lost his head and gone 
 back on every word I told him to say you 
 would have believed it, and then there'd have 
 been an end of this wretched J.P. business." 
 
 " Do you mean to say ? " 
 
 " Next," said Dr. Whitty, " instead of ac- 
 cepting my statement that a fraudulent bank- 
 rupt is not a proper man to make a magistrate 
 of, you insisted on forcing a cheque for twenty 
 pounds on me. It would have served you 
 jolly well right if I had handed the whole of it 
 over to Thady Glynn as a subscription to the 
 League from you. But I didn't. I'm a merci- 
 ful man, and I spared you. Here's your 
 cheque, by the way ; and the next time you 
 want to pay a man's debts for him, make sure 
 he owes them before you write cheques." 
 
 " But why on earth ? " 
 
 "After that," said Dr. Whitty, "there 
 seemed to me only one possible thing to do. 
 I knew that Lord Allington would never 
 appoint a man a magistrate who was mixed 
 up with Thady Glynn and his lot, so I went
 
 228 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 round to the hotel and handed two guineas 
 to Thady in the presence of a lot of witnesses. 
 Then I went home and wrote a note to The 
 Connacht Mercury man, asking him to stick 
 the subscription into a prominent place in 
 his next issue, and, if possible, to write a 
 special note about it. You read it, I suppose. 
 He didn't do it at all badly." 
 
 " Why didn't you tell me you objected to 
 being made a magistrate ? " 
 
 " I did tell you, but you wouldn't listen 
 to me. You went on arguing about duty 
 and responsibility and things of that kind. 
 You finally put it to me in a personal way that 
 I couldn't refuse. Then, I promised I'd accept 
 the honour it was you called it an honour, I 
 didn't if Lord Allington nominated me." 
 
 "He never will now." 
 
 " I sincerely hope not." 
 
 " I can't," said the colonel, after a short 
 pause, "tell him all this story." 
 
 " You can if you like," said the doctor. 
 " I don't mind a bit if you do. But I should 
 say myself that he wouldn't believe a word 
 of it if you swore it on a Bible." 
 
 "No," said Colonel Beresford, "he 
 wouldn't. Hardly anybody would."
 
 XI 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 
 
 SHE was a young woman of peculiar 
 but prepossessing appearance, and Dr. 
 Whitty's eyes rested on her with warm 
 appreciation. Her hair, he noticed, was of 
 a blue-black colour, very abundant, wavy, 
 and lustrous. Her face was oval and 
 plump, with a deep dimple in the middle 
 of her chin. Her skin was a warm shade 
 of brown ; her eyes narrow, and the irises 
 very dark. Her figure, plump like her 
 face, was well formed and delightfully 
 curved. The general effect was heightened 
 by the fact that she was dressed with good 
 taste in clothes which fitted her. She had 
 a gold-rimmed pince-nez, attached by a thin 
 gold chain to a round brooch fastened on 
 the lapel of her coat. Concealed in the 
 brooch was a spring which wound up the 
 gold chain whenever her fingers loosed their 
 
 229
 
 230 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 hold of the pince-nez. She had a trick of 
 pulling out the chain and then letting it fly 
 back again, very interesting to watch. 
 
 " I see," she said, smiling pleasantly, 
 "that I must introduce myself. I am Miss 
 Mulhall." 
 
 " I am delighted to see you," said Dr. 
 Whitty. 
 
 He spoke the truth ; but he also wondered 
 who she was and what she wanted. She 
 was a stranger in Ballintra. He did not 
 think she was a chance traveller driven by 
 some sudden catastrophe to seek for medical 
 advice. She did not look as if there were 
 anything the matter with her, and her 
 face had not that expression of vacuous 
 superiority to her surroundings which marks 
 the faces of all tourists. She had an air of 
 brisk competence, not unlike that of a 
 young woman who, three weeks before, 
 had forced Dr. Whitty to buy a complete 
 outfit of rubber stamps suitable for marking 
 house linen. But Miss Mulhall, who was 
 simply dressed, seemed inclined to get 
 straight to business. The young lady of 
 the rubber stamps was showily shabby and 
 had wasted a lot of time talking about the
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 231 
 
 weather and the scenery. It seemed un- 
 likely Miss Mulhall had come to sell any- 
 thing. 
 
 "You've heard from Lady Claneder, I 
 think," she said. 
 
 "No," said Dr. Whitty, "I haven't. I 
 should like to, of course. I'm sure she 
 writes interesting letters ; but I don't happen 
 to know her, and I don't expect she would 
 care about starting a correspondence with 
 me." 
 
 Miss Mulhall had a small black bag 
 hanging by a chain from her waist. She 
 opened it, took out a notebook, and turned 
 over the pages rapidly. 
 
 "There must have been some curious 
 mistake," she said. "Your name is cer- 
 tainly here as one of those to whom litera- 
 ture has been sent in Ballintra." 
 
 "Literature," said Dr. Whitty, "is a 
 thing I delight in. Have you read ?" 
 
 "The Rev. J. Jackson," said Miss Mul- 
 hall, her eyes on the page before her, 
 " Rev. Father Henaghan, Colonel Beres- 
 ford, D.L., G. Whitty, M.D. Those are 
 the names I was given. I make it a rule 
 to try, in the first instance, to secure the
 
 232 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 interests of the medical men in the locality 
 in the work of the Guild." 
 
 "Quite right," said Dr. Whitty. "But 
 what is the Guild?" 
 
 " The Guild of Maternal Education," said 
 Miss Mulhall. "Lady Claneder's Guild. 
 Surely you must have heard of it." 
 
 Dr. Whitty's conscience smote him 
 suddenly. He had the recollection 
 flashed on him received by post a large 
 bundle of pamphlets a week before. The 
 envelope in which they came bore a mono- 
 gram made up of the letters G.M.E., 
 surmounted by a coronet, Lady Claneder's 
 coronet, no doubt. Among the printed 
 papers was a letter bearing an address 
 embossed in gold, " Claneder Castle, near 
 Devizes." The letter was lithographed and 
 obviously represented the actual handwriting 
 of somebody, Lady Claneder's, probably. 
 Dr. Whitty, mistaking the whole for a 
 cunningly devised advertisement of seme 
 new patent medicine, had thrown the printed 
 matter into the waste-paper basket and 
 thrust the coroneted envelope behind the 
 clock. His eyes wandered to the chimney- 
 piece, and he noticed that half the envelope
 
 MISS MULHALKS LECTURE 233 
 
 was sticking out. Miss Mulhall glanced in 
 the same direction. 
 
 "As you didn't get the literature," she 
 said, " I had, perhaps, better explain that 
 the Guild of Maternal Education is founded 
 for the purpose of instructing the mothers 
 of the Empire " 
 
 " I should almost have guessed that from 
 its name," said Dr. Whitty. 
 
 He edged his way over to the chimney- 
 piece and stood with his back against the 
 clock. Miss Mulhall watched him, and it 
 seemed to Dr. Whitty that her eyes twinkled 
 slightly. She let her pince-nez go with a 
 run. She looked peculiarly charming, and 
 Dr. Whitty hastened to offer a propitiatory 
 apology for his last remark. 
 
 " A most valuable work," he said. " There 
 is an enormous amount of infant mortality 
 due entirely to the ignorance of mothers. 
 I understand that in the great English cities 
 the percentage " 
 
 "And in Irish rural districts," said Miss 
 Mulhall. 
 
 " Of course. It is, I should say, if any- 
 thing worse in the Irish rural districts." 
 
 The majority of the babies who came under
 
 234 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Dr. Whitty's observation grew up to be 
 healthy boys and girls, but he felt it desirable 
 to placate Miss Mulhall. The more he 
 looked at her, the more attractive she 
 appeared. 
 
 " If a subscription of ten shillings " he 
 
 said. 
 
 "I'm not collecting subscriptions," said 
 Miss Mulhall, " but, of course, if you like to 
 make a contribution to the funds of the 
 Guild, after you have listened to our 
 lecturer " 
 
 " I shall take the first opportunity I get of 
 going to hear him," said the doctor. " Where 
 does he lecture ? " 
 
 " If you had read the letter Lady Claneder 
 wrote you," said Miss Mulhall severely, 
 " you'd know that our lecturer will be here 
 on Monday." 
 
 Dr. Whitty felt it would be useless to 
 deny any longer the receipt of the literature 
 of the Guild of Maternal Education. There 
 was only one course open to him which 
 promised any chance of ingratiating himself 
 with Miss Mulhall. 
 
 "I need scarcely say," he said, "that I'm 
 delighted to hear it. As a medical man I
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 235 
 
 am painfully aware of the absolute necessity 
 for maternal education in this district. You'd 
 be surprised to hear some of the things I 
 could tell you. Most of the women regard 
 vaccination as a kind of accompaniment of 
 baptism. There was one the other day who 
 was really distressed because her child died 
 without it. She said " 
 
 "The Guild," said Miss Mulhall, "tries 
 to keep clear of religious controversy of every 
 kind." 
 
 " It's perfectly right," said the doctor, 
 "and I'm prepared to back it in every way 
 I can. Just you let me know if I can be of 
 the slightest assistance to your lecturer, and 
 whatever I can do, I will." 
 
 This was apparently what Miss Mulhall 
 wanted. She smiled in the most charming 
 way and went so far as to balance her pince- 
 nez for a moment on the bridge of her nose. 
 Dr. Whitty recognised that this added a de- 
 lightful piquancy to her appearance. 
 
 " The first thing to do," said Miss Mulhall, 
 "is to obtain the use of the local hall for the 
 accommodation of the lecturer." 
 
 " Father Henaghan is the man to get 
 at for that," said the doctor. "There isn't
 
 236 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 exactly a hall here, but I haven't the least 
 doubt that he'll lend us the schoolroom." 
 
 " I shall call on him at once." 
 
 "Perhaps," said Dr. Whitty, "you'd 
 better let me approach him in the first 
 instance. He's a delightful man, but he's 
 a little touchy on the subject of Woman's 
 Franchise." 
 
 " We've nothing whatever to do with the 
 Franchise movement." 
 
 "Of course not; but he might think you 
 have. You're educating women, you know, 
 and nowadays it's impossible to know where 
 that sort of thing will end. I don't mind a 
 bit myself, but Father Henaghan is sure to 
 be suspicious. You can't altogether blame 
 him, can you ? " 
 
 "If he's that kind of man " said Miss 
 
 Mulhall. 
 
 "He isn't in the least. Don't let anything 
 I've said give you a wrong impression of 
 Father Henaghan. He's always ready to 
 take his part in any good work that's going. 
 I merely wanted to suggest that it might be 
 as well if I explained things to him a bit 
 before you called." 
 
 " Very well," said Miss Mulhall. " I shall
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 237 
 
 go first to the other two gentlemen." She 
 referred to her notebook again. " The Rev. 
 J. Jackson and Colonel Beresford. There's 
 no objection to my calling on them, I 
 suppose ? " 
 
 "Not the slightest," said Dr. Whitty. 
 "They'll both receive you most courteously. 
 If I were you, in talking to Mr. Jackson I 
 should emphasise the Temperance side of 
 your work. It has a Temperance side, of 
 course ? " 
 
 " We're not directly interested in total 
 abstinence," said Miss Mulhall. 
 
 " Still, you can't do much with a mother 
 when she drinks, can you ? " 
 
 " Of course not." 
 
 "Well, just rub that into Mr. Jackson. 
 In approaching the colonel, you should make 
 it clear that you are working on imperial 
 lines. You said you were, didn't you ? " 
 
 " We appeal to the mothers of the 
 Empire." 
 
 "Quite so. Get the colonel to understand 
 that. He's tremendously keen on empires 
 of every kind. They're a sort of hobby of 
 his. Then, when you come to deliver your 
 lecture "
 
 238 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " I don't lecture myself," said Miss Mulhall ; 
 " I merely make arrangements beforehand for 
 the reception of the lecturer in each locality." 
 
 " I'm sorry to hear you say that," said the 
 doctor. " I should have enjoyed listening to 
 you lecturing immensely." 
 
 Miss Mulhall's eyes twinkled again, but 
 she took no other notice of the compliment. 
 
 " When you are talking to Father Hena- 
 ghan," she said, " you must get him to promise 
 to give out the lecture in his church on 
 Sunday." 
 
 " Certainly," said Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " I shall ask Mr. Jackson to do so, too. 
 That is the only kind of advertisement we 
 adopt. As a rule, we find it most effective." 
 
 Dr. Whitty went straight to the priest's 
 house as soon as Miss Mulhall left him. 
 
 " Good morning, Father Henaghan," he 
 said. " I came round to have a chat with 
 you about Lady Claneder and her Guild. 
 She's a very remarkable woman and engaged 
 on a most important work." 
 
 " Is it her," said the priest, " that sent me 
 a lot of books and papers about the proper 
 way of feeding babies ? " 
 
 " It was," said Dr. Whitty ; " but, of course,
 
 MISS MULHALUS LECTURE 239 
 
 she didn't expect you to put her advice into 
 actual practice." 
 
 " As well as I can make out," said the 
 priest, "she thought " 
 
 " Excuse my interrupting you for one 
 moment," said Dr. Whitty, "but did you 
 read those papers ? " 
 
 " I did, the most of them." 
 
 "Then perhaps you wouldn't mind telling 
 me what was in them." 
 
 "A lot of talk, thafs what was in them. 
 I didn't read the whole of them, but there 
 was one that was about what they call 
 sterilising milk." 
 
 " Capital thing that," said the doctor. 
 
 "It may be, for them that has time to spend 
 in amusing themselves. There was another 
 about the amount that a child should be 
 given to eat, and the way the most of the 
 people feeds them too much, on account of 
 not knowing the size of their stomachs. My 
 own opinion is that a child will thrive best 
 if you give it as much as you have for it, 
 whenever it cries." 
 
 " But then you don't know the size of its 
 stomach, Father Henaghan. After all " 
 
 " I do not. And it's what neither I nor
 
 240 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 anyone else has any call to know. The 
 only other one I read was about hygienic 
 clothing, and that's foolishness too. The 
 most of us in this country would be thankful 
 enough to have what clothes would keep us 
 warm without bothering our heads about 
 what they were made of." 
 
 " Still," said the doctor, " whatever you 
 may think of particular details, you can't 
 deny that, on the whole, it's an excellent 
 work, and I'm sure you'll have no objection 
 to lending the schoolroom on Monday even- 
 ing to one of Lady Claneder's lecturers." 
 
 " Is it to be telling them things to the 
 women of this parish ? " 
 
 " Exactly. It can't possibly do any harm." 
 
 "How do I know that ? There's too much 
 going on these times in the way of rising 
 the people's minds about this and that, so 
 that they won't settle down and keep quiet. 
 Anyway, who'd go to the lecture ? " 
 
 " If nobody goes," said the doctor, "you'll 
 be none the worse off for having it, so I 
 suppose you'll give us the schoolroom." 
 
 The discussion ended, as such discussions 
 usually did end, in Dr. Whitty getting what 
 he wanted. He walked down to Thady
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 241 
 
 Glynn's hotel, where Miss Mulhall was stay- 
 ing, and announced the result of his mission 
 with an air of triumph. Miss Mulhall did 
 not seem so pleased and grateful as he ex- 
 pected. Her face wore a troubled expression. 
 
 " Nothing wrong, I hope ? " said Dr. 
 Whitty. " The colonel hasn't gone back on 
 you in any way, has he ? If he has, I'll go up 
 at once and set the matter right." 
 
 "No," said Miss Mulhall. "Nothing 
 could have been nicer than the colonel and 
 Mr. Jackson were. The fact is, that I've 
 just had a telegram from Dr. Quigley to say 
 he's prostrated with influenza." 
 
 "Poor fellow," said Dr. Whitty; "but 
 don't allow that to depress you too much. 
 He'll get over it in time. Is he a near 
 relation ? " 
 
 "No," said Miss Mulhall; "he's our 
 principal lecturer. It's extremely annoying, 
 for now our meeting here will have to be 
 dropped. The whole work will be at a 
 standstill, and Lady Claneder will be greatly 
 vexed." 
 
 " I shouldn't like that to happen," said Dr. 
 Whitty. " She's such an admirable woman 
 
 it would be the greatest pity to upset her in 
 16
 
 242 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 any way. But don't be despondent, Miss 
 Mulhall. Give the lecture yourself. We'll 
 all be just as pleased. In fact, a lecture of 
 that sort an intimate talk, so to speak, to 
 women about what is, after all, principally 
 women's business is much better delivered 
 by a woman. There are lots of little touches, 
 the things which really go home to a mother's 
 heart " 
 
 It struck Dr. Whitty that Miss Mulhall 
 was on the verge of smiling. He stopped 
 abruptly. Miss Mulhall became quite grave 
 again. 
 
 " I'm afraid I can't lecture," she said. 
 
 " Nonsense," said Dr. Whitty. " Anyone 
 can lecture. All that is required is a little 
 nerve, a touch of enthusiasm, and a thorough 
 knowledge of the subject." 
 
 " I should fail in the matter of nerve. The 
 sight of an audience before me " 
 
 "You really must stay here and lecture," 
 said the doctor. " We can't let you go yet. 
 It would be a bitter disappointment to all of 
 us if you were to run away at once. I can 
 easily arrange that there won't be any 
 audience if you'd rather have an empty 
 room,"
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 243 
 
 Miss Mulhall smiled unmistakably this 
 time. 
 
 " Besides," she said, " I don't really know 
 anything about the subject. It may seem 
 odd to you that I don't, but the fact is that 
 I simply make arrangements for Dr. Quigley, 
 interview the local people, and impress on 
 them the importance of the work. I'm quite 
 ignorant about it myself." 
 
 "That doesn't matter," said Dr. Whitty. 
 " To-morrow is only Sunday. You've got 
 the whole of that day and most of Monday 
 to prepare. Make up those pamphlets of 
 Lady Claneder's. They'll give you the 
 entire thing in a few words. Capital pam- 
 phlets they are, tersely put, striking, and 
 brimful of sound teaching." 
 
 " I thought you told me you didn't get 
 them." 
 
 " Father Henaghan showed me his copies," 
 said Dr. Whitty. " I admired them im- 
 mensely. I can't imagine anything more 
 suitable for the women of this neighbourhood 
 than a synopsis of those pamphlets with the 
 little intimate touches thrown in which 
 
 you- 
 
 " Perhaps I'd better try," said Miss Mulhall.
 
 244 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " But you needn't chase away the whole 
 audience. I shouldn't like to deliver a lecture 
 to you and Father Henaghan with nobody 
 else there." 
 
 ' ' Right. I '11 see that the room's crammed. " 
 Sunday was a very busy day with Dr. 
 Whitty. He spent it beating up an audience 
 for the lecture. He called personally on 
 more than forty mothers, and urged them 
 strongly not to miss the opportunity of 
 acquiring really valuable information. He 
 dropped in on Miss Mulhall at short intervals 
 with offers of help in the preparation of her 
 lecture. He brought her a large red book 
 on the diseases of children which, he assured 
 her, contained all that was known about 
 measles and whooping-cough. Later on, he 
 called again and told her that he had arranged 
 a plan for demonstrating the proper way of 
 sterilising milk by means of a spirit lamp and 
 a soda-water bottle. At about six o'clock in 
 the evening he walked into her room again. 
 
 " I don't know," he said, " whether you are 
 thinking of saying anything about hygienic 
 clothing. Lady Claneder is very keen about 
 the subject, and quite rightly. I have just 
 been round with Mrs. Geraghty she has
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 245 
 
 thirteen children of her own, and the youngest 
 is an infant. She has promised to lend me 
 any clothes you want by way of illustration, 
 I mean." 
 
 " Are they very hygienic ? " 
 
 " Not at all. Quite the contrary, I fancy. 
 I thought you might like to have them as 
 examples of the way the thing ought not to 
 be done." 
 
 On Monday morning he arrived at the 
 hotel while Miss Mulhall was at breakfast. 
 
 "I'm sure," he said, "you mean to speak 
 strongly about the popular habit of over- 
 feeding infants." 
 
 " There's a pamphlet entirely devoted to 
 that," said Miss Mulhall. 
 
 " There is. I read it through from end to 
 end last night borrowed it from the colonel, 
 you know. I was greatly impressed by it." 
 
 " You must have known it all before," said 
 Miss Mulhall. 
 
 "Of course; but I never came across it 
 put in such a forcible way. Lady Claneder 
 is a wonderful woman. You're going to say 
 something on that subject, of course." 
 
 " I'm going to begin with that." 
 
 " I thought you probably would, so I sat
 
 246 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 up last night and made a baby's stomach I 
 mean, of course, a model of a baby's stomach 
 out of part of the inner tube of a bicycle 
 tyre. It has exactly the cubic content of 
 that of an infant three months old. I thought 
 it would be valuable to you by way of an 
 illustration. I left the valve on, so that you 
 can pump milk or anything else you like into 
 it, and show what happens if you overdo it." 
 
 " Don't you think that would be rather a 
 disgusting experiment ? " 
 
 "Not very," said Dr. Whitty, "and I'm 
 sure everybody would like it." 
 
 He called twice more in the course of the 
 day, each time with a suggestion for the 
 improvement of Miss Mulhall's lecture. At 
 seven o'clock he arrived to conduct her to 
 the schoolroom. He found her sitting at a 
 table with a large bundle of manuscript in 
 front of her. His sterilising apparatus, a 
 bundle of the cast - off clothes of Mrs. 
 Geraghty's baby, and the section of the 
 bicycle tyre stood together on the sideboard. 
 Miss Mulhall was in a condition of extreme 
 nervousness. 
 
 " I'm dreadfully afraid," she said, " I shall 
 break down."
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 247 
 
 "Oh no, you won't," said Dr. Whitty. 
 " I shall be close beside you. I'll take 
 charge of all the apparatus, and the moment 
 you want anything I'll hand it to you." 
 
 " That will make me worse." 
 
 " Don't think of your audience," said Dr. 
 Whitty. " Think of nothing except your 
 subject. Let it take a grip of you. Re- 
 collect that you have an absolutely priceless 
 opportunity of doing a great work. Hundreds 
 of lives may be spared lives of children 
 
 who might grow up to be Are you a 
 
 Unionist or a Nationalist, Miss Mulhall ? " 
 
 " I don't know, really. My father used 
 to admire Parnell, I believe." 
 
 " Then you're a Nationalist. So we'll say 
 that the children might grow up to be Wolfe 
 Tones, every one of them, if their lives aren't 
 sacrificed at the start by the ignorance of 
 their mothers. Keep that sort of considera- 
 tion before your mind, and your nervousness 
 will vanish, simply vanish." 
 
 " But " said Miss Mulhall. She paused 
 
 and looked at Dr. Whitty with a curious 
 deprecating kind of smile. 
 
 " Say to yourself," said the doctor, " ' The 
 hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.'
 
 248 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Think how you are engaged in directing 
 the hand to rock right. It's the noblest 
 and most inspiring work " 
 
 Again Miss Mulhall smiled. Dr. Whitty 
 stopped speaking. There was something 
 about her smile which puzzled him, a 
 suggestion which eluded him completely. 
 
 "There were fourteen of us at home, 
 said Miss Mulhall, "and I was the eldest. 
 My mother died when the youngest was 
 born." 
 
 "And you brought them all up?" said 
 Dr. Whitty. 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "Then there isn't a woman in Ireland 
 better qualified than you are " 
 
 "That's just the difficulty," said Miss 
 Mulhall. 
 
 " I beg your pardon. I don't quite 
 catch " 
 
 Miss Mulhall laid her hand on the pile of 
 manuscript before her. The smile flickered 
 on her lips again, broadened, glowed. 
 Laughter danced in her eyes. 
 
 " I think all this is rather silly," she said 
 " Don't you ? " 
 
 Dr. Whitty stared at her. Then, suddenly,
 
 249 
 
 he burst into a joyous laugh. He crossed 
 the room, seized Miss Mulhall's hand, and 
 wrung it heartily. 
 
 The next day Colonel Beresford met Dr. 
 Whitty outside Thady Glynn's hotel. 
 
 "Look here, Whitty," he said, "what 
 did you mean by insisting on my attending 
 that lecture last night ? I never heard such 
 a lot of rot talked in my life." 
 
 " It was a capital lecture," said the doctor. 
 " You'd go a long way before you'd hear a 
 better or see a nicer-looking lecturer than 
 Miss Mulhall." 
 
 " Oh, the girl was all right ; but own up 
 now, Whitty there was no sense in what 
 she said. How the deuce can you expect 
 the women about here to spend their time 
 boiling soda water ? " 
 
 " They're not wanted to boil soda water. 
 What you allude to was a demonstration of 
 the art of sterilising milk." 
 
 "It looked to me a great deal more like 
 boiling soda water. But take another point. 
 You're a sensible man, and you must know 
 quite well that what she said about washing 
 children is perfectly ridiculous. I don't deny 
 that a child ought to be washed occasionally,
 
 250 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHI1TY 
 
 but she wants to overdo it. There's nothing 
 more wholesome than a little dirt. Take 
 Geraghty's children. I don't suppose they 
 get a bath from one year's end to the other, 
 and I defy you to find a healthier lot 
 anywhere. Or look at my roses. If they 
 weren't mulched with manure manure, mind 
 you, Whitty, the filthiest thing there is 
 they'd simply die. It's just the same with 
 children." 
 
 " You may abuse the lecture as much as 
 ever you like, colonel, but I won't have a 
 word against Miss Mulhall in my presence. 
 Not a word. It's better for you to under- 
 stand that at once. She's a lady I have a 
 very high regard for." 
 
 "Oh!" said the colonel, drawing the ex- 
 clamation out slowly. 
 
 "Yes," said Dr. Whitty, "exactly so." 
 " I apologise," said the colonel. " If I'd 
 
 known When did you settle it ? " 
 
 " Last night, just before the lecture." 
 " I congratulate you," said the colonel. 
 "I'll go into the hotel now and congratulate 
 Miss Mulhall. If I'd had the slightest 
 
 idea But I won't say another word 
 
 against the lecture."
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 251 
 
 " You may if you like," said the doctor. 
 " I know that lecture's all tommy-rot just as 
 well as you do. So does Miss Mulhall. In 
 fact, she knows it a great deal better than 
 either of us; and you could hardly say a 
 word she wouldn't endorse. But I must 
 say I think that liquid manure theory of 
 yours is rather an exaggeration. By the way, 
 do you happen to know Lady Claneder ? " 
 
 "I met her once," said the colonel, "at 
 my daughter's house in London." 
 
 " The next time you meet her I wish you'd 
 try and get her to wind up her Guild. It 
 doesn't do any actual harm, I suppose, but 
 it's a public nuisance. You can't imagine 
 all I went through working up that lecture 
 before I found out what Miss Mulhall's 
 opinions really were." 
 
 "Nothing," said Colonel Beresford, "will 
 stop Lady Claneder, unless she finds by 
 experience that every one of her assistants 
 gets married when she sends them out on 
 tour. That might damp her ardour a little."
 
 XII 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 
 
 " T CALLED on you this morning," said 
 
 A Dr. Whitty, "about a purely personal 
 matter. But perhaps you're busy ? " 
 
 " I'm thankful to say," said Colonel Beres- 
 ford, "that I'm past the age at which men 
 think they can preserve their self-respect 
 only by being busy." 
 
 "It has occurred to me," said Dr. Whitty, 
 " since I got engaged to be married to Miss 
 Mulhall, that, though my income is all right 
 for the quiet kind of life we intend to lead, 
 I haven't got the amount of capital ready 
 to hand that I ought to have, if we are to 
 go on a proper honeymoon." 
 
 "Some men," said the colonel, "would 
 have thought of that before they got engaged. " 
 
 Dr. Whitty ignored this remark. 
 
 " It seems to me, therefore," he went on, 
 "that it's my duty to get a hold of some 
 
 253
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 253 
 
 ready money. I'm sure I can count on 
 your help." 
 
 " If you expect me to become a chronic 
 invalid or poison my servants " 
 
 " Not at all. The idea in my mind " 
 
 " I once offered you a present of twenty 
 pounds," said the colonel, "and you practi- 
 cally threw the cheque back in my face." 
 
 "I'm not begging," said Dr. Whitty; "all 
 I want of you is your name as a reference." 
 
 "What for?" 
 
 "I'm thinking of starting a sanatorium. 
 Hold on a minute here's the advertisement : 
 4 Nervous Patients ' that, of course, means 
 habitual drunkards ; it's put in that way 
 to save unpleasantness for their relatives 
 'received in a doctor's house. Bracing 
 neighbourhood. Gravel soil. Personal 
 supervision. References kindly permitted to 
 
 ' Then comes your name, and, after it, 
 
 Father Henaghan's and Mr. Jackson's. I 
 have them both, so as to show that the 
 religion of the patient will be properly 
 attended to, whatever sort it is." 
 
 " And what do you expect to make out 
 of that?" 
 
 "I shall ask 10 a week," said the
 
 254 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 doctor, "and, if I light on the right kind 
 of drunkard, I dare say I shall get it." 
 
 "Is there much choice? I should have 
 thought they were all rather disgusting." 
 
 " There is a choice, of course. The best 
 kind is a young man whose father has made 
 a large fortune honestly, and so clings to 
 the idea of respectability. The son, having 
 been educated expensively, gets into what 
 is supposed to be good society. There, 
 
 he acquires habits which Well, the 
 
 father, after doing his best for a time, 
 determines to put the young man under 
 control in some rather distant place. That's 
 the really strong point about my advertise- 
 ment. If you live in the English Midlands, 
 as the man I have in mind almost certainly 
 does, nowhere seems farther off than Western 
 Connacht. I shall get my ^10 a week to 
 a certainty if I have the luck to light on 
 a man of that sort." 
 
 " I dare say you will," said Colonel Beres- 
 ford. " I'm told that advertising is the 
 one sure means of making money ; and 
 your effort is no more immoral than the 
 rest." 
 
 "I'm not quite sure," said Dr. Whitty,
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 255 
 
 " that I understand what you mean. Where 
 does the immorality come in ? " 
 
 " Well, advertisements, as a rule, lie like 
 Ananias and Sapphira. Yours, for instance, 
 says ' Bracing neighbourhood."' 
 
 "That's not a lie. It's simply a formula, 
 like ' Dear Sir' at the beginning of a letter." 
 
 " ' Gravel soil,' then, is like ' very sincerely 
 yours'?" 
 
 " Precisely, and the rest of the advertise- 
 ment is true." 
 
 "Considering," said the colonel, "that 
 every shop in Ballintra except one is a 
 public-house, it seems to me it would have 
 been wiser to have aimed at some other 
 kind of patient." 
 
 " I might have done that, of course ; but 
 a drunkard is much the most likely sort to 
 get." 
 
 " He'll need a good deal of ' personal 
 supervision,' " said the colonel. 
 
 " I don't mean to be the person who 
 supervises. I couldn't spare the time." 
 
 " Ah ! You mean to engage a sort of 
 keeper." 
 
 11 Certainly not. In the first place, those 
 fellows are frightfully expensive and I'm
 
 256 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 trying to make money. In the next place, 
 men of that sort irritate the patient. What 
 I mean to do is to hire Michael Geraghty's 
 little girl, the eldest one, Molly, who is 
 about fourteen. I can get her for five 
 shillings a week, and she'll find the greatest 
 pleasure in walking round with the 
 drunkard." 
 
 " But she won't be able to stop him 
 drinking." 
 
 " Oh yes, she will. You may not have 
 observed it, colonel, but men who drink 
 are invariably kind-hearted and fond of 
 children. Molly will appeal to his better 
 nature. That's part of my system. No man 
 would touch more than he ought while a nice 
 little girl was holding him by the hand." 
 
 Ten days later, Colonel Beresford received 
 a letter marked " Private and Confidential." 
 
 "DEAR SIR," he read, "you will, I feel 
 sure, excuse my troubling you, when I men- 
 tion that I write to make inquiries about the 
 character and position of Dr. Whitty of your 
 town, whose advertisement gives your name 
 among others as a reference. I am par- 
 ticularly anxious to know whether Dr. 
 Whitty is a man of cheerful disposition. It
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 257 
 
 has become necessary, in consequence of a 
 serious nervous breakdown, to secure for my 
 son a period of complete rest and quiet. I 
 think it desirable that he should be under 
 the supervision of a competent medical man, 
 although I trust he will not require actual 
 treatment, and it is absolutely necessary that 
 his surroundings should be bright and cheer- 
 ful. I shall feel obliged if you will give me 
 your candid opinion of Dr. Whitty, and I 
 shall regard anything you write as strictly 
 confidential. I am, yours truly, 
 
 "J. HATFIELD" 
 
 The notepaper bore the name of a firm, 
 " Hatfield & Co., Engineers and Con- 
 tractors," with a business address ; but this 
 was scratched out and " Cedar Lawn, Eden- 
 berry, Newcastle-on-Tyne," substituted. 
 
 Colonel Beresford replied cautiously. He 
 said he held the highest opinion of Dr. 
 Whitty's personal character and medical 
 skill, absolutely guaranteed his gaiety, and 
 gave it as his opinion that rest and quiet 
 would be obtainable in Ballintra if anywhere 
 in the world. He added, that he did not in 
 any way vouch for the value of Dr. Whitty's 
 methods of dealing with nervous patients. 
 17
 
 258 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Three days later, he received a call from 
 Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " Thanks, colonel," he said. " Your letter 
 did the trick for me. Old Hatfield is 
 evidently a British merchant of the most 
 superior possible kind. He offered actually 
 offered eight guineas a week, and his son 
 is just the kind of man I want." 
 
 " Nervous breakdown ? " asked the colonel. 
 
 " Precisely. The old boy was frightfully 
 nice about it. You could see at once that 
 he is really fond of Herbert Herbert is the 
 son's name." 
 
 " Of course," said the colonel. " It was 
 sure to be." 
 
 " He wrote me a long letter and put the 
 whole thing down to Herbert's artistic tem- 
 perament and the nerve strain which that 
 involved. It appears that he did uncommonly 
 well at Oxford Herbert, I mean, not the 
 engineer and contractor and won a prize 
 for writing poetry. Then he went up to 
 London, and there, apparently, things began 
 to get serious, though they'd evidently been 
 bad enough at Oxford, and old Hatfield 
 connects the trouble in some way with the 
 prize poem. Herbert himself is quite
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 259 
 
 willing to try the experiment of placing 
 himself under my care for a while. He is, 
 so his father says, a young man of very 
 amiable disposition who makes friends 
 wherever he goes. I expect he'll take to 
 Molly Geraghty at once. I dare say I shall 
 have him for as much as three months, and 
 at the end of that time " 
 
 He paused and was evidently engaged in 
 multiplying eight guineas by thirteen, a sum 
 difficult to do without a pencil and a piece of 
 paper. 
 
 "You'll be in a position to marry," said 
 the colonel. 
 
 "Yes," said Dr. Whitty, when he had 
 finished his sum, " I shall." 
 
 A week later Herbert Hatfield arrived, 
 and for some days Colonel Beresford saw 
 nothing of the doctor. He felt a good deal 
 of curiosity about the progress of the new 
 cure for inebriety, and, meeting Michael 
 Geraghty on the road, took the opportunity 
 of trying to find out what was going 
 on. 
 
 " I hear," he said, " that Dr. Whitty has 
 engaged your eldest girl as housemaid, 
 Michael. How does she like it?"
 
 260 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "It isn't housemaid she is," said Michael, 
 "nor yet cook." 
 
 "What is she, then?" 
 
 " I wouldn't wonder," said Michael, " if 
 she's what they call a companion. Anyway, 
 all she has to do is to walk about along 
 with a strange gentleman the doctor has 
 with him, and for that she's getting five 
 shillings a week and her dinner." 
 
 " It sounds an easy job." 
 
 "You may say that." 
 
 " And is he a nice gentleman ? " 
 
 "As quiet as ever you seen, barring an 
 odd time when his temper would be riz, and, 
 even with that, Molly says she never heard 
 a curse out of him not what you'd call a 
 proper curse. It was only this morning he 
 said to her, ' Child, there's half a crown for 
 you. Go and buy dolls and sweets,' he says, 
 'and leave me in peace by myself.' You 
 wouldn't call that cursing ? " 
 
 " I would not," said the colonel. " I 
 suppose she took the half-crown?" 
 
 " She did, of course. Is it likely she'd 
 vex him worse than he was vexed ? " 
 
 " Was he vexed ? " 
 
 " He was. Didn't I tell you he was ?
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 261 
 
 The two eyes were starting out of him with 
 the rage he was in, and, with every look he 
 took at Molly, he got worse instead of better." 
 
 " Did she go away ? " 
 
 " She did not. She'd be in dread to do 
 the like ; for the doctor said he'd chastise 
 her if ever she let the gentleman out of her 
 sight, and the most of the time she was to 
 be holding his hand, if so be he'd let her." 
 
 Colonel Beresford's curiosity was intensely 
 excited by this account of Herbert Hatfield's 
 dealings with Molly Geraghty. He made 
 up his mind to call on Dr. Whitty and find 
 out further details about the behaviour of 
 the inebriate stranger. He was aware that 
 he was acting in an undignified way by 
 openly pursuing gossip which was not offered 
 to him ; but he consoled himself by reflecting 
 that he had not much dignity to lose, and 
 that, in any case, Dr. Whitty had none. 
 He found, as he expected, that the doctor 
 was quite ready to talk freely. 
 
 "I'm sorry, colonel," he said, "that I 
 haven't been able to go up to see you since 
 poor Herbert arrived. I simply wasn't able 
 to get away. Molly manages admirably 
 and sticks to him like a leech ; but, of
 
 262 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 course, I'm responsible. Herbert arrived 
 here this day last week, a frightful wreck, 
 face haggard, eyes sunken, hands shaking 
 like what-do-you-call-'em leaves." 
 
 11 Aspen ? " 
 
 " Yes, aspen ; that's what he said himself. 
 Being a poet, he'd be bound to say some- 
 thing of the sort. I can't recollect ever 
 having noticed an aspen leaf, but " 
 
 "The aspen tree, I believe, is the same 
 thing as a poplar," said the colonel. " But 
 it doesn't grow in this part of the world." 
 
 " All I can say is that if its leaves are 
 anything like poor Herbert's hands they 
 can't be much use to it. His body was 
 frightfully emaciated." 
 
 " Nose red ? " 
 
 " No, pale grey. A nose doesn't get 
 red except after a long course. Herbert, 
 apparently, has only been really going it 
 for about a year. Well, I gave him a bit 
 of dinner, and, seeing the state he was in, 
 offered him a bottle of porter. What do 
 you think he said? He had the nerve to 
 assure me that he never touched alcohol in 
 any form. I call that rather a bad sign. 
 I'd rather have a man who owned up
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 263 
 
 frankly. However, I did not say anything, 
 but, as soon as dinner was over, I introduced 
 him to Molly, who was waiting in the hall. 
 He didn't seem as much interested in her 
 as I had hoped. However, he went for a 
 walk and she followed him. The next day 
 the trouble began." 
 
 " Ah ! At Thady Glynn's, I suppose ? " 
 " No. It's a curious instance of the crafty 
 way these poor fellows go about things ; 
 he didn't show the smallest wish to go near 
 the town. He went down and sat on 
 Michael Geraghty's pier and looked at the 
 sea. Molly, of course, sat beside him. At 
 first, he didn't take any notice of her ; but, 
 after a while, he inquired why she wasn't 
 at school. From that on, he made a series 
 of efforts to get rid of her. He tried walk- 
 ing fast, and even running, but Molly is an 
 active child, so he didn't make much by that. 
 Then he tried climbing up rocks and places, 
 where he thought she wouldn't be able to 
 follow him. He soon found out his mistake. 
 A child of that age is an extraordinarily 
 good climber as a rule. Then he fell back 
 on the school idea and made his way up 
 to Michael Geraghty's workshop. He had
 
 264 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 inquired, of course, from Molly who her 
 father was. He didn't make much by that. 
 Michael listened to all he had to say about 
 the advantages of education for the young 
 and the duty of parents. Then he told 
 Herbert that Molly was half-witted and 
 couldn't be taught anything, so there was 
 no use sending her to school. Herbert 
 apparently didn't believe that. He went 
 off the next day to the schoolmaster and 
 made further inquiries. The master, of 
 course, was prepared to back up anything 
 Michael had said, but somehow he took the 
 matter up wrong. He thought it was Herbert 
 Hatfield who had been accusing Molly of 
 being half-witted, and that Michael had been 
 defending his daughter's reputation." 
 
 " I don't blame him," said the colonel. 
 " Nobody would expect a father to be giving 
 away his own child like that to a perfect 
 stranger." 
 
 " I dare say. Anyway, he said that Molly 
 was the smartest girl he had, and that the only 
 reason she didn't go regularly to school was 
 that her education was practically complete. 
 
 "That seems to have roused Herbert's 
 suspicions worse than ever. He went
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 265 
 
 straight up to the Presbytery and asked 
 Father Henaghan to tell him the truth 
 about Molly. Father Henaghan wanted to 
 do the best he could to make things pleasant 
 for Herbert, but didn't know what either 
 Michael or the schoolmaster had told him. 
 He said that, owing to an outbreak of 
 measles among the other Geraghty children, 
 he had strictly forbidden Molly to go to 
 school, hoping in that way to prevent the 
 spread of infection. Herbert then inquired 
 for the school attendance officer." 
 
 "Thinking, I suppose, that we had com- 
 pulsory education in this country ? " 
 
 "Apparently. When he found out that 
 there was no such person he gave up the 
 idea of trying to get rid of Molly by sending 
 her to school." 
 
 V What did he do next ? " 
 
 " He threatened her with the police," said 
 the doctor. " Molly was frightened at first, 
 and told her father when she went home 
 that night. Michael said she needn't mind, 
 because, even if she was arrested, nothing 
 would be done to her afterwards. He said 
 that you were a magistrate, and generally 
 got your own way on the Bench, and that
 
 266 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 you wouldn't send anyone to prison for 
 following Herbert Hatfield about, because 
 you were as keen as everybody else on 
 having him properly watched." 
 
 " I wish he hadn't said that. I don't like 
 being dragged into this business." 
 
 "It's all right," said the doctor. " Molly 
 didn't tell Herbert what her father had said. 
 She simply turned up smiling the next 
 morning." 
 
 " Then he tried bribing her," said the 
 colonel. " Michael told me all about that." 
 
 " It will be very interesting to see what he 
 does next, now that bribery has failed. In 
 the meanwhile the thing is working out 
 splendidly. He hasn't, to my certain know- 
 ledge, had a drop of any kind of drink, 
 except water and tea, since he came here ; 
 and he's beginning to fatten already. His 
 hands are not half as shaky as they were at 
 first Hullo! Here he is." 
 
 A minute later Herbert Hatfield, having 
 banged the hall door behind him, entered the 
 room. 
 
 " Dr. Whitty," he said, " I must ask 
 you for some explanation of the extra- 
 ordinary way "
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 267 
 
 " My friend, Colonel Beresford Mr. 
 Hatfield," said the doctor, performing the 
 ceremony of introduction. 
 
 The colonel and Herbert Hatfield bowed. 
 
 " Perhaps," said Herbert, " I could speak 
 to you in private for a few minutes, if 
 Colonel Beresford will excuse us." 
 
 "If it's Molly Geraghty you want to talk 
 of," said the doctor, " there's not the least 
 necessity for a private interview. The 
 colonel knows all about it, and strongly 
 approves " 
 
 11 No ; I don't," said the colonel. 
 
 "Of course you don't," said Herbert 
 Hatfield. " No sane man " 
 
 " Keep as calm as you can," said Dr. 
 Whitty, "and tell us exactly what your 
 grievance is." 
 
 " My grievance ? I am followed about 
 day and night " 
 
 " Don't exaggerate," said Dr. Whitty. 
 "She goes home at night." 
 
 "I'm followed about all day," said Herbert 
 Hatfield, "by a horrid little girl. There 
 she is sitting on the window-sill waiting 
 for me." 
 
 Dr. Whitty glanced at Molly.
 
 268 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " She looks to me a nice little girl," he said. 
 " She's quite pretty." 
 
 " I don't like her," said Herbert Hatfield ; 
 "and, even if I did like her, I shouldn't want 
 to have her always treading on my heels." 
 
 " I'll tell her not to do that, if you like." 
 
 " Tell her to go away and leave me at 
 peace." 
 
 " No, I won't. You are here to be cured 
 of a dangerous and highly objectionable 
 kind of disease, and, in my opinion, Molly 
 Geraghty is doing you a lot of good." 
 
 " She's making me worse. I'm going mad. 
 I shall become a raving lunatic if she follows 
 me any more." 
 
 " Not at all. So long as you keep off the 
 whisky, you'll be as sane as any man living." 
 
 " Whisky ! I never touch whisky." 
 
 " Well, gin, or brandy, or rum, or absinthe, 
 or whatever it is you do drink. I expect it's 
 some queer, out-of-the-way foreign spirit." 
 
 " I tell you, I don't drink at all, and never 
 did." 
 
 "Your father told me," said Dr. Whitty, 
 "that you were a pretty nearly hopeless case 
 of nervous breakdown. If that doesn't mean 
 drink, I don't know what it does mean."
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 269 
 
 " And do you mean to say that you've set 
 that child on to follow me about in order to 
 prevent my going into public-houses ? " 
 
 " Exactly," said Dr. Whitty, "and, what's 
 more, the treatment is doing you a lot of 
 good. You couldn't have stood up to me 
 and argued the way you're doing when you 
 came here a week ago. Look at your hands 
 now, man. Are they aspen leaves ? " 
 
 Herbert Hatfield stretched out one of his 
 hands and stared at it. Then he laughed 
 suddenly. 
 
 " By Jove ! " he said, " I believe you're 
 right. It is doing me good. I slept last 
 night too : the whole night." 
 
 " That's Molly Geraghty," said the doctor. 
 
 " All the same," said Herbert Hatfield, 
 "I'm not a drunkard. I'm it may seem 
 rather absurd to you, but my nervous break- 
 down really was the consequence of great 
 mental strain. I am engaged in writing 
 surely my father must have told you that I 
 am a poet." 
 
 " If you prefer to call it poetry," said Dr. 
 Whitty, " I don't mind. All I want to 
 impress on you is that Molly Geraghty is the 
 best means I know of getting you well again.
 
 270 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 So long as she is after you, you can't give 
 way " 
 
 " He means," said the colonel, " that she'll 
 keep your mind off poetry." 
 
 " She certainly has done that," said 
 Herbert Hatfield. 
 
 " Then stick to her," said the doctor, " or, 
 rather, let her stick to you. And if I were 
 you, I should allow her to hold your hand 
 as you walk about." 
 
 Herbert Hatfield stayed in Ballintra for 
 six weeks. After he left, he sent Molly 
 Geraghty a present of an immense doll's 
 house, fully furnished and crowded with 
 inhabitants. Some months later Dr. Whitty 
 made a confession to Colonel Beresford. 
 
 " Do you know," he said, " that fellow, 
 Herbert Hatfield, really was a teetotaller after 
 all. I asked his father the question straight, 
 when I was acknowledging his cheque." 
 
 " And> poet ? " 
 
 " I didn't inquire. But I dare say he was. 
 After all, there must have been something to 
 account for the horrid state he was in when 
 he arrived. If it wasn't drink, it's as likely 
 to have been poetry as anything else."
 
 XIII 
 THE HONEYMOON 
 
 DR. WHITTY and his friend Eccles of 
 the Congested Districts Board sat to- 
 gether at dinner in a Dublin hotel. They 
 had a small table to themselves in a corner 
 of the dining-room. Intimate conversation 
 became possible when the waiter had brought 
 them their coffee and ceased to hover round 
 them. Dr. Whitty's marriage was to take 
 place the next morning, and Eccles found 
 a bachelor's delight in placing before him 
 the exceedingly awkward position in which 
 a man finds himself on such occasions. 
 
 "You appear to think I'm nervous," said 
 Dr. Whitty, "but you're mistaken. I'm not, 
 in the least." 
 
 Eccles smiled maliciously. He thought 
 that his friend's manner displayed every 
 symptom of acute discomfort. 
 
 "If," said the doctor, " I was nervous and
 
 272 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 frightened of the girl, I shouldn't marry her. 
 As a matter of fact, Lucy that is to say, 
 Miss Mulhall doesn't strike me as the sort 
 of girl who would terrify anyone. She's 
 extremely nice and gentle in her manner." 
 
 " What you're nervous about," said Eccles, 
 " isn't, of course, the lady ; it's the ceremony. 
 I've seen bolder men than you quail at the 
 prospect of standing up unprotected before 
 a large congregation and saying things out 
 loud which, on ordinary occasions, they'd 
 shrink from even whispering." 
 
 "After all, what's the ceremony?" said 
 the doctor. "It's nothing to an operation. 
 I assure you, Eccles, I've seen men face the 
 prospect of the knife without turning a hair. 
 Is it likely I'd funk standing up " 
 
 "They won't give you ether, you know." 
 
 " As a matter of fact," said the doctor, after 
 a short pause, " I don't mind the prospect of 
 that part a bit. What I do rather dislike " 
 
 "Ah!" said Eccles, "I thought from 
 your manner there must be something." 
 
 " is the way I shall have to go about as 
 a marked man during the three weeks we've 
 got for our honeymoon. I know the way 
 people people like you, Eccles whisper,
 
 THE HONEYMOON 273 
 
 nudge each other, and then smile in hotels 
 and steamers and railway carnages. You 
 seem to think there's something comic about 
 a newly married couple. I regard that whole 
 attitude of mind as simply disgusting and 
 unbearably vulgar." 
 
 " Why don't you go to some lonely place ? " 
 
 " There isn't such a thing in the world ; 
 and if there was, we'd still have to travel in 
 a whole series of public conveyances and 
 stop in beastly hotels before we got there. 
 As a matter of fact, we're going to the 
 Channel Islands Guernsey, or Sark, or one 
 of the others." 
 
 "You couldn't have chosen a worse spot," 
 said Eccles. " Tobacco and whisky are 
 cheap, of course, but at this season of the 
 year those islands are full of people on 
 holidays who will have nothing better to do 
 than crack jokes about you jokes which you 
 will be painfully conscious of." 
 
 " I was afraid of that," said Dr. Whitty, 
 sighing. " But what can I do ? We must 
 go somewhere. I spoke to Lucy about it, 
 and suggested that she should wear nothing 
 but old clothes, with a view to disguising 
 
 our position, you know." 
 18
 
 274 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "You couldn't possibly expect her to 
 agree to that. I don't think it was a fair 
 thing to ask. A honeymoon is the one 
 chance most girls get in their lives of wear- 
 ing new dresses day after day. It would be 
 absolutely brutal." 
 
 " She wouldn't agree," said Dr. Whitty, 
 "though she was awfully nice about it. She 
 said she felt for me so much that if I liked 
 she'd wear old boots. It appears that some- 
 body her youngest brother, I think told 
 her that the one sure way of recognising a 
 honeymoon couple was by the soles of the 
 bride's boots. Do you think that's true ? " 
 
 "No," said Eccles, "it's not. I don't 
 set up to be particularly expert in these 
 matters, but I should think that anyone 
 with a real eye for newly married couples 
 could judge, not so much by the lady's 
 dresses, boots, or hat, as by the man's 
 manner. You may take my word for it, 
 Whitty, there's something about a young 
 husband an air of affectionate protectiveness, 
 a mixture of shyness and familiarity, a kind 
 of general appearance of cooingness which 
 couldn't possibly be mistaken, whatever boots 
 the lady wore."
 
 THE HONEYMOON 275 
 
 " If that's all," said Dr. Whitty, with an 
 air of relief, " I shall be able to manage all 
 right. I suppose now that if I make a point 
 of travelling in a smoking carriage and 
 putting her into a ' Ladies Only ' " 
 
 "If you're going to be rude to your wife, 
 she'll simply turn round and go straight home. 
 No self-respecting girl would stand it." 
 
 " I shall explain to Lucy beforehand," 
 said the doctor, "why I'm doing it. She'll 
 understand." 
 
 " No, she won't. And I strongly recom- 
 mend you not to try. Take my word for 
 it, Whitty " 
 
 "You talk," said the doctor, "as if you 
 were a Turk, and had been married a dozen 
 times or more ; whereas you don't really know 
 any more about it than I do, if as much." 
 
 "Well," said Eccles, "go your own way ; 
 but if it ends in a judicial separation or a 
 permanent estrangement, don't blame me. 
 I've done the best I could to warn you of 
 the risk you're running." 
 
 Four days later they had dawdled on 
 their way in Chester and London Dr. and 
 Mrs. Whitty crossed the gangway to the 
 deck of the steamer which was to carry them
 
 276 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 from Southampton to the island of Guernsey. 
 The day was a brilliantly fine one in the 
 middle of July, and there were a good many 
 other passengers. Dr. Whitty eyed them 
 with sensitive suspicion. He secured a 
 comfortable chair for his wife, and placed 
 it on the lee-side of the deck under shelter 
 of the entrance to the saloon. He himself 
 stood at a considerable distance from her, 
 and tried to look as if he had little or no 
 connection with her. While the steamer was 
 threading her way among the shipping of 
 the Solent Mrs. Whitty called him. 
 
 " George, do come over and sit beside me. 
 I want to talk to you." 
 
 By way of giving him confidence, she 
 pushed a foot from the shelter of the rug in 
 which she had wrapped herself. Her boot 
 was undeniably old. It must have been one 
 of the oldest she possessed, for the leather 
 was cracked along the sewing of the toecap. 
 Dr. Whitty glanced at it, and then at his 
 fellow-passengers. None of them seemed 
 to be taking any notice of what he did. He 
 ventured quite close to Mrs. Whitty. She 
 put out her other foot. There was a small 
 patch on the side of its boot. Dr. Whitty
 
 THE HONEYMOON 277 
 
 looked at it with great satisfaction. The 
 boots formed a striking contrast to the un- 
 mistakable newness of everything else which 
 Mrs. Whitty wore. He set up a second deck- 
 chair and sat down on it cautiously. 
 
 The sea, even after the steamer left the 
 shelter of the Isle of Wight, was perfectly 
 calm, and many passengers paced up and 
 down the deck. Some of them glanced at 
 Dr. and Mrs. Whitty, but appeared very 
 little interested in them. 
 
 " I really think, George," she said, "that you 
 needn't be so nervous. After all, even if any- 
 one does guess, we've nothing to be ashamed 
 of. We're not doing anything wrong." 
 
 " Lucy," he said, "you were just as much 
 annoyed as I was this morning at breakfast 
 in the hotel when those people at the next 
 table looked at us and giggled." 
 
 " They were extremely rude. I can't 
 imagine how people can have such bad 
 manners." 
 
 "I rather think," said Dr. Whitty, "that 
 I saw them again at the station just before 
 the train started. I'm nearly sure it was 
 the same man. I hope they're not on the 
 steamer. Hang it ! there they are ! "
 
 278 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 A man, perhaps forty years of age, neatly 
 dressed and having a certain air of confident 
 superiority, came on deck. With him was a 
 lady, considerably younger than he was, tall, 
 blonde, and, like her companion, self-satisfied. 
 The man paused for a moment and lit a 
 cigarette. Then he and the lady began to 
 pace the deck together. The slight sway 
 of the steamer was no doubt the reason why 
 she laid a hand on his arm. They passed 
 the Whittys. Their manners, as Mrs. 
 Whitty had observed, were deplorably bad. 
 At the sight of the two deck-chairs side by 
 side the man smiled in a way which struck 
 Dr. Whitty as insolent. The lady giggled 
 slightly and then blushed. Dr. Whitty rose 
 from his chair at once, took up a position at 
 some distance from his wife, and lit a pipe. 
 Mrs. Whitty's boots, when the strange couple 
 passed her again, were prominent. 
 
 After pacing the deck until they must have 
 walked at least a mile, the man and his 
 blonde companion stood still and leaned 
 across the bulwarks. Dr. Whitty watched 
 them until he had finished his pipe. Then 
 he went into the cabin. At the end of a 
 quarter of an hour he came on deck again,
 
 THE HONEYMOON 279 
 
 lit another pipe, and walked, with an air of 
 detached unconcern, to the place where his 
 wife sat. 
 
 " Lucy," he said, " I've found out all about 
 those people. They are a Captain and Mrs. 
 Elphinstone, and they are going to Guernsey. 
 The steward told me that. I found her bag 
 afterwards, and it was labelled for our hotel. 
 I think we'd better stop in Jersey." 
 
 "We can't. We've taken our rooms, and, 
 besides, I want to see Guernsey. I don't 
 believe Jersey is half as nice." 
 
 " In that case," said Dr. Whitty, " I must 
 do something to divert their suspicions. I 
 can't have those two grinning at us every 
 morning at breakfast and every evening at 
 dinner. Besides, they'd tell all the other 
 people at the hotel. It would make our stay 
 there perfectly intolerable." 
 
 "But what can you do ? " 
 
 Dr. Whitty made no answer. He stood 
 with his pipe in his hand until it went out. 
 Then he walked across the deck and took 
 up a position close to Captain and Mrs. 
 Elphinstone. They were gazing at the sea. 
 Dr. Whitty also gazed at the sea, holding 
 his smokeless pipe between his teeth,
 
 280 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " I beg your pardon, sir," he said, after 
 waiting for five minutes in the hope that 
 Captain Elphinstone would look round. 
 
 The appeal produced no effect. Dr. 
 Whitty tried again. 
 
 " I beg your pardon, sir ; but would you 
 oblige me with a match ? My pipe has 
 gone out." 
 
 He touched Captain Elphinstone's arm as 
 he spoke to make sure of attracting attention. 
 
 " Oh ! Ah ! yes, certainly ! " 
 
 Captain Elphinstone seemed startled by 
 the request, but he put his hand into his 
 pocket and drew out a silver matchbox. 
 Dr. Whitty lit his pipe. 
 
 " A lovely day," he said, " beautifully calm." 
 
 "Yes," said Captain Elphinstone; "it is." 
 
 " Going to Jersey ? " 
 
 " No. We mean to stop in Guernsey. 
 Do you know the island ? " 
 
 " Curiously enough I do not. In fact, that 
 is one of my reasons for going there. My 
 wife and I both want to see Guernsey. 
 We've travelled a good deal, and we are 
 particularly fond of islands. In fact, ever 
 since we were married we've made a point 
 of seeing some island or other every summer,"
 
 THE HONEYMOON 281 
 
 Dr. Whitty noticed with satisfaction that 
 Mrs. Elphinstone began to show some 
 interest in the conversation. She glanced 
 rapidly at her husband, and her face appeared 
 to express a slight feeling of disappointment. 
 
 "We visited the Isle of Man ten years 
 ago," said Dr. Whitty. 
 
 "Really!" said Mrs. Elphinstone. "I 
 should scarcely have thought from her 
 appearance that Mrs. that your wife could 
 have been married so long." 
 
 "Whitty is our name," said the doctor. 
 " We were married very young very young 
 indeed. She was little more than a child. 
 But we've always got on capitally. For our 
 second summer we went to Skye. No, Skye 
 was the year after. It was in Bute we took 
 our second holiday. Then we had a very 
 pleasant time in the Isle of Wight the year 
 after that. The next year we made our 
 way to the Scilly Isles. Then we tried the 
 Hebrides North Uist, you know, and the 
 others. After that we went to the Orkneys, 
 and now we're on our way to Guernsey." 
 
 He smiled pleasantly. His stock of islands 
 was running out, and he feared that he had 
 not accounted for the whole ten years of
 
 282 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 married life which he had claimed. He 
 hoped that he had said enough to satisfy 
 the Elphinstones. He tried to count up the 
 islands he had mentioned with a view to 
 finding out how many years out of the ten 
 remained islandless. To his disgust he found 
 that Mrs. Elphinstone was also counting. 
 She was pressing the fingers, first of her left 
 hand, then of her right, one by one on the 
 wooden rail in front of her, while her lips 
 silently formed the names of the islands 
 which Dr. Whitty had mentioned. She 
 began with the little finger on her left hand. 
 It represented the Isle of Man. The thumb 
 and first finger of her right hand went down 
 for North Uist and the Orkneys. Then she 
 paused. The second finger was poised in- 
 terrogatively in the air. Dr. Whitty realised 
 that he was three islands short. He threw 
 in another after a short hesitation. 
 
 " Last year," he said, " we got as far as 
 Madeira." 
 
 Mrs. Elphinstone put down her middle 
 finger and looked at him questioningly. Dr. 
 Whitty's memory failed him hopelessly. He 
 could not think of an eighth island nearer 
 than the Pacific Ocean. Mrs. Elphinstone's
 
 THE HONEYMOON 283 
 
 third and fourth fingers were still hovering 
 uncertainly above the rail. 
 
 " There were two years," said Dr. Whitty, 
 "in which we couldn't manage to get away. 
 The children were young, you know. My 
 wife never could bear to leave them while 
 they were babies. I dare say" he looked 
 anxiously at Mrs. Elphinstone "that you 
 sympathise with her." 
 
 She blushed. It was the second time that 
 Dr. Whitty had seen her blush. He felt 
 relieved. Her blush was a symptom of 
 embarrassment, and when embarrassed she 
 was not likely to be laughing at him. Captain 
 Elphinstone, who seemed to find the situa- 
 tion awkward, came to his wife's rescue with 
 a remark. 
 
 "Very interesting," he said, "a most 
 original plan for holidays. " You're a good 
 sailor, I suppose." 
 
 "First-rate," said Dr. Whitty. "So is 
 my wife. I recollect the time we went to 
 North Uist, We crossed in a gale of wind 
 from Glasgow, and " 
 
 " From Oban surely," said Captain 
 Elphinstone. 
 
 "Oban, of course. I get confused occa-
 
 284 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 sionally between the various islands. It was 
 to Bute that we went from Glasgow." 
 
 " More likely to have been Greenock," 
 said the captain. 
 
 "At all events, we went," said the doctor 
 shortly, " and it blew a gale of wind. My 
 wife and I were the only two passengers 
 who dined that day." 
 
 Then, feeling his geography to be weak, 
 and being unwilling to venture upon further 
 reminiscences which might provoke criticism, 
 he bid good-day to the Elphinstones and 
 returned to Mrs. Whitty. 
 
 " I think," he said, with an air of complete 
 satisfaction, " that I've put those two entirely 
 off the scent. I explained to them that we 
 have been married ten years." 
 
 " Oh, George ! " 
 
 " So you can put on decent boots to- 
 morrow. Those ones won't be wanted any 
 more. Of course, if you happen to get into 
 conversation with Mrs. Elphinstone you had 
 better stand over my statement. I told her 
 that we had visited all the islands within 
 reach, one island each summer. Recollect 
 that, Lucy, in case she starts talking to you 
 about the Orkneys or any other place of that
 
 THE HONEYMOON 285 
 
 sort. I don't think she's been to any islands 
 herself, so you are pretty safe in enlarging 
 on the scenery. I also told her that there 
 were two years during which we didn't visit 
 any island. I said that you were unwilling 
 to leave " 
 
 He stopped abruptly. 
 
 " To leave what ? " 
 
 "Your two young brothers, while they 
 were babies. I said that you'd brought 
 them up from their childhood." 
 
 " What did you say that for ? " 
 
 " Well, I hardly liked to mention the whole 
 thirteen it seemed such a lot. I hope you 
 won't correct my statement. I wouldn't like 
 her to think there were fourteen of you. In 
 fact, if you don't much mind, Lucy, I dare 
 say it will be better for you not to talk to 
 Mrs. Elphinstone at all. She's a vulgar sort 
 of woman." 
 
 " That's what I said this morning at 
 breakfast." 
 
 "And you were perfectly right. A 
 woman who is capable of giggling in that 
 odious way, just because she happened to 
 think, quite erroneously, that we were only 
 just married."
 
 286 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " But we haven't really been ten years 
 married." 
 
 " She thinks we have now," said Dr. 
 Whitty, "and that's the same thing, so far 
 as she is concerned." 
 
 When the steamer arrived at the pier at 
 Guernsey it turned out that Mrs. Whitty 's 
 dressing-bag, a painfully new one, had got 
 mixed up with the luggage of another 
 passenger. It took the doctor some time to 
 recover it. The Elphinstones, whose luggage 
 was forthcoming at once, got a long start 
 and arrived at the hotel first. Dr. Whitty, 
 when he had secured all his belongings, con- 
 ducted his wife to the room reserved for 
 them. Then he went downstairs, at her 
 request, to get any letters that might be 
 waiting for them. The Guernsey hotel was 
 their first fixed stopping-place, and any 
 correspondence which had followed them 
 from Ireland ought to be waiting for them. 
 He was directed by a waiter to a rack which 
 hung on the wall at the far end of the 
 entrance hall. He observed, without any 
 feeling of suspicion, that Captain and Mrs. 
 Elphinstone were standing together in front 
 of the rack. They looked round as he
 
 THE HONEYMOON 287 
 
 approached, and Mrs. Elphinstone smiled 
 broadly. Her husband did more than smile. 
 He burst into an immoderate fit of laughter. 
 Dr. Whitty, very uncomfortable, but unable 
 to guess at the nature of the joke, glanced 
 at the rack. Three letters, fixed behind 
 green tapes, caught his eye at once. They 
 had all been addressed to " Miss Mulhall, 
 243 Upper Rathmines, Dublin." This had 
 been scratched out and another address 
 substituted : " Mrs. George Whitty, Royal 
 Hotel, Guernsey." Some one Dr. Whitty 
 suspected his youngest brother-in-law had 
 put, in red ink, a note of exclamation after 
 the erased " Miss Mulhall " on all three 
 envelopes. 
 
 Dr. Whitty took the letters and fled swiftly 
 across the hall. He was aware that both 
 Captain and Mrs. Elphinstone were laugh- 
 ing at him. He even noticed that Mrs. 
 Elphinstone's face was once again deeply 
 flushed. He ran upstairs to his room, 
 entered it, and locked the door behind him. 
 
 "There's no use your unpacking, Lucy,' 
 he said, "we leave this island at once." 
 
 "Why?" 
 
 " There's the reason," he said, laying the
 
 288 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 three letters on the bed. " I saw those con- 
 founded Elphinstones reading the addresses 
 and then giggling in the most offensive way. 
 I wish to goodness your people would have 
 had the sense to put those letters into fresh 
 envelopes. They might have guessed there'd 
 be trouble if they simply scratched out your 
 name. And hang it all ! I told the 
 Elphinstones we had been ten years married. 
 Would you mind going down and asking 
 when the next steamer leaves ? I really 
 daren't venture out of the room. I should 
 be absolutely certain to meet them again. 
 They'll be lying in wait for me. If there 
 is a steamer in the middle of the night, 
 we'll take it in preference to any other. 
 I should like, if possible, to get off while 
 the Elphinstones are in bed." 
 
 Mrs. Whitty left the room at once. She 
 even left it hurriedly. Dr. Whitty, if he 
 had been in a mood to reason calmly, might 
 have prophesied a happy married life from 
 this prompt obedience to what must have 
 been an inconvenient command. But Mrs. 
 Whitty was not acting from an unmixed 
 sense of wifely duty. She wanted very 
 much to laugh out loud. She did laugh,
 
 THE HONEYMOON 289 
 
 to her own great satisfaction, as soon as 
 she got out of earshot of the bedroom door. 
 Nearly half an hour passed before she re- 
 turned to her husband. 
 
 " There's no steamer," she said, " till eleven 
 o'clock to-morrow morning ; but it's all right." 
 
 "It can't possibly be all right," said Dr. 
 Whitty gloomily. "That ass Elphinstone 
 will grin at me every time he meets me." 
 
 " I had a chat with her," said Mrs. Whitty, 
 "and nothing could have been nicer than 
 she was. She told me all you said to them 
 on the steamer." 
 
 " All ! Do you mean really all ? " 
 
 "Yes every word. And I think it was 
 horrid of you, perfectly odious and horrid." 
 
 " I had to say something," said Dr. Whitty 
 sheepishly. 
 
 " I shouldn't have minded the islands," 
 said Mrs. Whitty, "but I don't see that 
 you need " 
 
 " I couldn't help it. There weren't any 
 more islands, and she was counting up on 
 her fingers. I had to explain the other 
 two years somehow." 
 
 " But, anyway, it's all right. She never 
 believed a single thing you said." 
 19
 
 290 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Do you mean to tell me," said the doctor, 
 "that she doubted my word about North 
 Uist and the Orkneys ?" 
 
 " Yes, she did. You see, she and Captain 
 Elphinstone are only just married them- 
 selves. They're on their honeymoon too. 
 Their wedding was a day after ours." 
 
 "The day after?" said Dr. Whitty. 
 " Are you quite sure of that ? " 
 
 " Quite. She told me so herself. They 
 were married in Scotland, and it appears 
 that Captain Elphinstone is nearly as foolish 
 as you are. He's frightfully sensitive about 
 anyone knowing, and oh ! just fancy, 
 George they were angry at first because 
 they thought that we were laughing at them." 
 
 "If you're really certain that it was the 
 day after," said Dr. Whitty, " I think we 
 may perhaps stay on here, after all. He's 
 actually in a worse position than I am." 
 
 "Much worse," said Mrs. Whitty "a 
 whole day worse." 
 
 " So, if there's any grinning to be done, 
 I'm the one to do it." 
 
 " Yes," said Mrs. Whitty, " you are. And 
 she's so nice about the whole thing. I 
 simply love her."
 
 XIV 
 "LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM" 
 
 "HPHERE'S a man at the door who 
 -L wants to see you, sir," said Jacobs. 
 His tone implied a certain scorn of the 
 visitor. All good servants have a contempt 
 for people of a lower class than that to which 
 their masters belong. 
 
 "Who is he?" said Colonel Beresford. 
 He was sitting over the remains of his 
 breakfast. Mrs. Challoner, his daughter, pay- 
 ing another of her rare visits to Ballintra, sat 
 behind the teapot at the other end of the table. 
 "He says his name is Geraghty, sir." 
 Jacobs knew perfectly well that the man's 
 name was Geraghty ; for he had been 
 acquainted with Michael for years. But he 
 chose to pretend that he did not care to 
 commit himself to any opinion on the subject ; 
 preferring to report, impartially, what he 
 had heard 
 
 991
 
 292 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "If it's Michael Geraghty, show him in 
 here at once. Or wait a minute, Jacobs, 
 perhaps you'd better put him into the library." 
 
 The colonel was feeling depressed. Life 
 in Ballintra, since Dr. Whitty went on his 
 honeymoon, had been dull. He welcomed 
 the opportunity of a chat with Michael 
 Geraghty. But he knew that Mrs. Challoner 
 held strong views about the necessity for 
 keeping the lower orders in their proper 
 places. His eyes were on her face when he 
 made the correction of his first order and 
 said that Michael Geraghty should be shown 
 into the library. 
 
 " Don't let my being here interfere with 
 your seeing him in this room," said Mrs. 
 Challoner. " I have almost finished my 
 cup of tea." 
 
 She spoke resignedly, as one who was 
 prepared to suffer considerable discomfort 
 for the sake of humouring an unreasonable 
 and fractious person. Michael Geraghty was 
 shown in, and the colonel, glancing nervously 
 at Mrs. Challoner, shook hands with him 
 and offered him a cup of tea. 
 
 " It's what I was wanting to speak to you 
 about," said Michael Geraghty, "is that they
 
 "LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM" 293 
 
 have it put out round the town that the 
 doctor's to be home this day week." 
 
 " That's quite true." 
 
 " There was some of the boys saying," 
 Michael went on, " that it would be well 
 that a few of us would be out to meet him 
 when he'd be bringing his young lady back. 
 He was always well liked in the place." 
 
 " That would be a capital idea." . 
 
 "It could be," said Michael, "that they d 
 be wanting to build a bonfire or the like, if 
 so be you hadn't any objection." 
 
 " I haven't the slightest." 
 
 Michael Geraghty hesitated. 
 
 "It was Father Henaghan was saying," he 
 went on, " that it would be an improvement 
 to the demonstration if there was a good 
 committee with yourself on it and the Rev. 
 Mr. Jackson, so as the doctor would know 
 that the people of every kind of religion in 
 the place was glad to have him back amongst 
 them." 
 
 "I suppose," said the colonel, "that you 
 want a subscription." 
 
 " We was thinking of an illuminated 
 address," said Michael. 
 
 " Very well, I'll give you a sovereign."
 
 294 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " What the boys was saying down in the 
 town," said Michael, " was that it would be 
 a grand thing if so be it was pleasing to 
 you to present the address. There'll be a 
 triumphal arch along the end of the street, 
 and a tar barrel under that, with maybe a 
 cart-load of turf or such round about it ; and 
 Father Henaghan is willing to lend the table 
 out of the school, and maybe you'd stand on 
 the table with the illuminated address in 
 your hand and say a few words the like of 
 what would be suitable to the occasion." 
 
 " I hope," said Mrs. Challoner sharply, 
 " that you'll do no such thing." 
 
 The colonel hesitated. He suspected that 
 he would look somewhat ridiculous if he 
 stood on the table in the middle of the street, 
 silhouetted against the blazing tar barrel, 
 very likely dripped on by a damp triumphal 
 arch, and waved an illuminated address in his 
 hand. He was not at all sure, besides, that 
 Dr. Whitty would be pleased at the demon- 
 stration. 
 
 " Do you think," he said, " that Dr. Whitty 
 would like all that ? " 
 
 Michael Geraghty had not seriously con- 
 sidered Dr. Whitty's feelings. Like other
 
 "LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM" 295 
 
 promoters of festivals of honour, he was 
 willing to be content with the conviction that 
 the hero of the occasion ought to be pleased, 
 if he was not. He was quite frank with the 
 colonel. 
 
 " I don't know," he said, "will Dr. Whitty 
 be pleased ; but Father Henaghan was after 
 saying to me last night that Thady Glynn 
 will be terrible vexed." 
 
 This was certainly true, and it weighed 
 with the colonel. He was always pleased to 
 get the better of the truculent publican, and 
 it occurred to him that this aspect of the 
 matter would appeal strongly to Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " I don't think," he said, "that I'll present 
 the address. Let Father Henaghan do that. 
 But if you're having a committee, you can 
 put my name on it." 
 
 Michael Geraghty seemed to be well 
 satisfied. He pocketed his sovereign and 
 went away. Colonel Beresford retired to the 
 library, lit a cigarette, and wrote a letter to 
 Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " MY DEAR DOCTOR, I hope you are 
 having a pleasant holiday and enjoying the 
 scenery of the Channel Islands, which, I 
 have always understood, is delightful. We
 
 296 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 shall all be glad to see you home again next 
 week. In fact I understand that the popular 
 feeling is to take the form of a mild de- 
 monstration. Michael Geraghty, who is 
 organising it, was up with me just now, and 
 speaks of a bonfire, an illuminated address, 
 and a triumphal arch. I suppose the town 
 band will play a tune or two, probably not 
 'The Battle Song of King Malachi.' I 
 hope this kind of thing doesn't bore you. I 
 suggested to Michael Geraghty that perhaps 
 it might, but he seemed to think that you 
 will be reconciled to the fuss and publicity by 
 the knowledge that Thady Glynn will be 
 greatly annoyed. I feel myself, and I dare 
 say you do too, that it's worth going through 
 something to make that blackguard feel 
 throughly uncomfortable." 
 
 Two days later a telegram, which had 
 been handed in at the Sark post office, 
 arrived in Ballintra. 
 
 " Michael Geraghty, Chairman Reception 
 Committee, Ballintra. Do not waste money 
 on illuminated address. Buy fireworks. 
 WHITTY " 
 
 Michael took this round to the presbytery 
 and handed it to Father Henaghan.
 
 LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM " 297 
 
 "The doctor's right," he said, "and it's all 
 our luck that the schoolmaster hadn't finished 
 drawing up the address. If we had it sent 
 off to Dublin we couldn't have got out of it. 
 But the way things is we're all right. It was 
 three pounds we had laid out for the address, 
 and we'll get a fine lot of fireworks for that 
 money." 
 
 "You won't be wanting the table out of 
 the school, then," said the priest. "I'm just 
 as glad, for you'd have had it destroyed." 
 
 "We will want it," said Geraghty. "If 
 so be there's no illuminated address, there'll 
 be all the more need for yourself to be making 
 some sort of a speech." 
 
 " Let the colonel do that." 
 
 " The colonel isn't willing," said Michael. 
 "He said he'd be better pleased if you were 
 to do it." 
 
 "I won't then. Do you think I'm going 
 to stand on the table in the middle of the 
 street making speeches to the doctor, with 
 every corner-boy in the town laughing at me ? 
 You ought to have more respect for your 
 clergy than to suggest such a thing. If you 
 want a speech at all, the colonel is the proper 
 man to make it."
 
 298 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Michael Geraghty went up to Ballintra 
 House and did his best to persuade Colonel 
 Beresford to make the speech. The colonel, 
 the fear of Mrs. Challoner in his mind, 
 refused decisively. Michael Geraghty went 
 home and sat down to consider the advisa- 
 bility of asking Mr. Jackson to fill the gap. 
 He spent a restless night and got up in the 
 morning without arriving at any definite 
 decision. At eleven o'clock another telegram 
 arrived. 
 
 " Michael Geraghty, Chairman Reception 
 Committee, Ballintra. Understand that band 
 is to play at demonstration. Mrs. Whitty 
 strongly of opinion tunes of a personal 
 character should be avoided. Objects partic- 
 ularly to ' Love's Young Dream.' WHITTY" 
 
 Michael hurriedly assembled the leading 
 members of the band and laid the telegram 
 before them. 
 
 " I know the tune well," said Flaherty, 
 the cornet-player, "and a fine one it is. 
 What's more, we have the music of it. Listen 
 to me now, boys." 
 
 He whistled the air amid a murmur of 
 applause, and then turned to Michael 
 Geraghty.
 
 "LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM" 299 
 
 "It wasn't that one we were thinking of 
 playing," he said, "but 'Rich and Rare 
 were the Gems she Wore,' on account of the 
 words being suitable for the young lady that's 
 coming all the way across Ireland to be living 
 among us. But I'm not sure now that the 
 other wouldn't be better, seeing as how she 
 and the doctor is only just married. I'll take 
 it on myself to say we'll be able to manage it." 
 
 " But," said Michael Geraghty, "the doctor 
 says he particularly dislikes that tune." 
 
 " Begging your pardon, Mr. Geraghty," 
 said Flaherty, "the doctor says no such 
 thing. What he says is that Mrs. Whitty 
 objects to it, which is as good as telling us 
 that only for her it's the tune he'd be best 
 pleased with himself of any you could give 
 him. It's the doctor that we're striving to 
 please and not the young lady. Believe you 
 me, if the band gives out ' Love's Young 
 Dream' in the way it ought and it's what 
 the band will do the doctor will be well 
 satisfied. If he didn't want that tune played 
 why would he be going to the expense of send- 
 ing a telegram which can't have cost him much 
 under one-and-sixpence ? Tell me that, now." 
 
 Michael Geraghty could offer no answer
 
 300 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 to this puzzle. An hour later the band was 
 busy practising " Love's Young Dream." 
 Michael himself, coming to a sudden de- 
 cision about the address of welcome, went 
 up to the Rectory and asked Mr. Jackson to 
 deliver an oration on the occasion. But the 
 rector was no more willing than the priest 
 or the colonel to undertake the task. He 
 explained that he had never done anything 
 of the sort before, and that speaking from a 
 table in front of a bonfire would make him 
 nervous. Michael Geraghty went home and 
 summoned his daughter Molly. 
 
 "Is there," he said, "such a thing as a 
 writing-pen in the house ? " 
 
 "There is," said Molly; "why wouldn't 
 there? I have one in my school satchel." 
 
 " Bring it here, then, and do you sit down 
 and be writing what I'll tell you." 
 
 Molly, who was a very good child, did 
 exactly as her father bade her. 
 
 " DR. WHITTY, HONOURED SIR," said 
 Michael (" Have you that down ? Mind 
 your spelling now, Molly.") " Your two 
 telegrams to hand and contents noted. This 
 is to let you know that there's trouble over 
 the speech that should be made at the
 
 "LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM" 301 
 
 demonstration of welcome to yourself and 
 lady, owing to neither the colonel, nor 
 Father Henaghan, nor the Rev. Mr. Jackson 
 being able, which is what they say, but my 
 own belief is that they could well enough, 
 only they're not willing. If it would be 
 pleasing to yourself and lady to let the 
 occasion pass without a speech, the same 
 being what ought not to be, but we can't 
 help it, it would be a great convenience to your 
 obedient servant MICHAEL GERAGHTY 
 
 " P.S. A line by return will oblige." 
 
 Then followed a passage not written from 
 dictation : 
 
 " My da bids me write this, hoping it finds 
 you as well as it leaves me. Your loving 
 friend MOLLY GERAGHTY " 
 
 This was addressed, stamped, and dis- 
 patched at once. A telegram in reply 
 arrived two days later. 
 
 "Speech of welcome absolutely essential. 
 Try Thady Glynn. WHITTY " 
 
 Michael Geraghty showed this message 
 to the colonel. 
 
 "You wouldn't," he said, "like Thady 
 Glynn to be taking part in the proceedings."
 
 302 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "I would not," said the colonel, "but 
 I'd rather he did than make the speech 
 myself. Look here, I'll tell you what to do. 
 Go to the schoolmaster and get him to write 
 the thing out. Put it in an envelope and 
 hand it to the doctor yourself." 
 
 " I might," said Michael Geraghty, "and 
 it's what I'll have to do at the latter end, 
 but the doctor won't be pleased. It would 
 be better if we had a proper speech made ; 
 but what can't be can't." 
 
 Another telegram, this time from London, 
 arrived on the morning of the day previous 
 to that on which the doctor was to arrive. 
 
 " Michael Geraghty, Chairman Reception 
 Committee, Ballintra. Build bonfire op- 
 posite door of Imperial Hotel. WHITTY " 
 
 " It's wonderful," said Michael to a member 
 of the town band to whom he showed the 
 telegram ; " it's wonderful the interest the 
 doctor takes in the demonstration." 
 
 " Well he may then, seeing it's for him it is." 
 " I had it settled to have the tar barrel 
 where Thady Glynn would see it," said 
 Michael, "and I'm glad the doctor agrees. 
 It's raging mad Thady is this minute, and 
 he'll be worse before we've done."
 
 "LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM " 303 
 
 The next day was a very busy one for 
 Michael Geraghty. The triumphal arch, 
 which consisted of a long strip of white 
 calico bearing an inscription in green letter- 
 ing, was stretched across the street, the ends 
 being made fast to two opposite windows. 
 The table was carried down from the school- 
 room and placed under the arch, to the great 
 inconvenience of carts which were trying to 
 pass from one end of the town to the other. 
 A space was railed in for the firing of the 
 rockets, the idea being to minimise the risk 
 involved in the handling of unfamiliar ex- 
 plosives. The crackers, about four dozen of 
 them, were distributed to a number of small 
 boys who could be relied on to set them off 
 at irregular intervals during the proceedings. 
 The town band, massed under the triumphal 
 arch, just behind the school table, had a 
 final rehearsal of " Love's Young Dream." 
 Michael, assisted by about a hundred young 
 men and boys, brought down a tar barrel 
 from the store behind his house and set it up 
 exactly opposite Thady Glynn's door. The 
 work of piling turf round it and over it began. 
 Then a car was seen driving along the road 
 from Dunbeg.
 
 304 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "Tell that fellow he can't pass, whoever 
 he is," said Michael; "there's no way for 
 him to get by till we have the turf cleared 
 off the street." 
 
 "The Lord save us!" said Flaherty the 
 cornet-player, who was watching the building 
 of the bonfire. "It's the doctor himself 
 that's in it." 
 
 Michael Geraghty looked up from his 
 work. Flaherty was perfectly right. Dr. 
 Whitty and his wife sat together on one 
 side of the car. Michael stood for a moment 
 in silent amazement. 
 
 " By all that's holy ! " he said slowly. 
 
 Dr. Whitty jumped from the car and 
 shook Michael warmly by the hand. 
 
 "What brings you here at all at this time 
 of the day?" said Michael. "We're not 
 half ready for you." 
 
 " We came on by the early train," said the 
 doctor. "The fact is, from the letter the 
 colonel wrote me, and from the one I got 
 from you By the way, how's Molly ? " 
 
 " She's well," said Michael, " but she'll be 
 sorry to see you here before your time. It 
 wasn't till the evening that we expected you." 
 
 "I know that," said the doctor, "and it
 
 "LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM" 305 
 
 was in the evening I intended to arrive ; but 
 from the letters you and the colonel wrote 
 I gathered that this demonstration was being 
 badly mismanaged, and I thought I'd better 
 come home in time to run it myself. I hate 
 to see things bungled. Have you got any- 
 one to make the speech ? " 
 
 " I have not ; but the schoolmaster has it 
 written out, and the capital letters done in 
 red ink, and it'll be given to you when the 
 time comes." 
 
 " That won't do at all," said the doctor. 
 
 " I don't know how we'll manage then," 
 said Michael, " for neither the colonel 
 nor " 
 
 " I'll see after it myself," said the doctor, 
 " so you can make your mind quite easy. 
 What time is fixed for the demonstration?" 
 
 "It was ten o'clock we thought you'd be 
 here." 
 
 " That will suit admirably. Let us through 
 now, and then you can go on building your 
 bonfire. We've been travelling all night to 
 get here, and I simply must have a wash and 
 something to eat. I'll be round at ten sharp. 
 What's that you have on the triumphal arch 
 
 in the way of an inscription ? " 
 20
 
 306 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " A hundred thousand welcomes," said 
 Michael. " I was in favour of it's being in 
 Irish myself, but there was some of the boys 
 said it was better in English, out of respect 
 for the lady." 
 
 "It's upside down anyway," said the 
 doctor. "It's just as well I came back in 
 time to see it set right." 
 
 The demonstration was a magnificent 
 success. At a quarter to ten the bonfire 
 was lighted, and blazed, to the great delight 
 of the crowd and the discomfiture of Thady 
 Glynn. A shower of rockets was set off at 
 ten o'clock precisely, the signal being given 
 by Michael Geraghty. Colonel Beresford, 
 Mr. Jackson, and Father Henaghan stood 
 in front of the table, facing the crowd. Mrs. 
 Challoner and Mrs. Jackson, moved to 
 curiosity by the unusual nature of the 
 proceedings, secured seats at one of the 
 windows from which the triumphal arch was 
 suspended. The blinds of the upper rooms 
 of Thady Glynn's hotel were drawn down, 
 but Mrs. Glynn and Lizzie were peeping out 
 from behind them. There was a short pause 
 after the explosion of the rockets, and then a 
 loud burst of cheering from the crowd. Dr.
 
 " LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM 307 
 
 Whitty, with his wife leaning on his arm, 
 was seen making his way along the street. 
 Leaving Mrs. Whitty in charge of Colonel 
 Beresford, he mounted the table. 
 
 " Ladies and gentlemen " he began. 
 
 A roar of cheers and a dropping volley of 
 exploding crackers interrupted him for some 
 minutes. 
 
 " Ladies and gentlemen," he began again, 
 " it has fallen to my lot to give verbal 
 expression to the feelings of pleasure with 
 which you welcome me home to your midst 
 feelings which are already evidenced in the 
 magnificent bonfire which blazes behind me, 
 in the triumphal arch under whose shadow 
 I stand, and " 
 
 " Three cheers for the doctor," said a 
 voice in the crowd. 
 
 There was a warm response to the appeal, 
 and a number of crackers were flung, hissing 
 and banging, into the middle of the crowd. 
 
 "It is through no wish of my own," the 
 doctor went on, "that I find myself in my 
 present position. There are others " he 
 glanced at the colonel "who would have 
 filled more appropriately the place I now 
 occupy."
 
 308 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Sorra the man in the town we'd rather 
 be listening to than yourself, doctor," said 
 Flaherty, who had the members of the band 
 round him. 
 
 " But," said the doctor, " since nobody 
 else has come forward, I feel it my duty 
 to say to you what anybody else would have 
 said. Supposing now that the colonel was 
 standing on this platform at the present 
 minute, or either of the reverend gentlemen 
 I see beside him, or Michael Geraghty, what 
 would they be saying to you ? They'd say 
 that only for me there'd never have been the 
 pier built that was built. Isn't that true ? " 
 
 " It is. It is," shouted the crowd. 
 
 " And only for me Michael Geraghty 
 wouldn't have got the money that was 
 due to him for building it, and only for 
 me there wouldn't have been the two fine 
 buoys marking out the channel that's there 
 this minute. Isn't that true?" 
 
 " It is. It is." 
 
 "Very well," said the doctor. "Those, 
 along with other things, are the reasons for 
 this splendid demonstration of welcome a 
 demonstration second to none ever seen in 
 this county as an expression of the cordial
 
 "LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM" 309 
 
 good feeling of all classes and creeds towards 
 Mrs. Whitty and myself." 
 
 A loud burst of cheers greeted the con- 
 clusion of the speech. Dr. Whitty got down 
 from the table, and was seen shaking hands 
 warmly with Colonel Beresford, Mr. Jackson, 
 and Father Henaghan. When the cheers had 
 subsided and the last of the crackers had ex- 
 ploded, Dr. Whitty mounted the table again. 
 
 " It is now my pleasant duty," he said, 
 "to thank you, on behalf of Mrs. Whitty 
 and myself, for the enthusiastic welcome 
 you have accorded to us. It is far beyond 
 anything we deserve. The slight services, 
 alluded to by the previous speaker, which 
 I have rendered to the town in the matter 
 of piers, athletic sports, and public meetings 
 are far more than repaid by the splendid 
 reception we have this evening enjoyed. 
 This, ladies and gentlemen, is the proudest 
 moment of our lives. Words fail me when I 
 try to give adequate expression to our feelings. 
 I shall merely add that Mrs. Whitty " 
 
 At this further reference to Mrs. Whitty 
 Flaherty felt that his opportunity had arrived. 
 He put his cornet to his lips and blew the 
 first few notes of " Love's Young Dream.'
 
 3io THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 The other members of the band, though 
 taken unawares, rose to the occasion. They 
 seized their instruments and one by one 
 dropped into their places in the accompani- 
 ment with considerable skill. Dr. Whitty 
 stood smiling on the platform until he 
 suddenly recognised the tune. Then he 
 leaped to the ground and seized Michael 
 Geraghty by the arm. 
 
 "Didn't I wire to you," he said, "not to 
 have that tune played?" 
 
 "It wasn't that way we understood the 
 message," said Michael, "but quite the 
 contrary." 
 
 " I distinctly said there were to be no 
 personal tunes played, and this one is 
 personal. Under the circumstances it's dis- 
 gustingly personal." 
 
 "What we did was for the best," said 
 Michael. 
 
 " Come now," said the colonel, laying his 
 hand on the doctor's shoulder, "you can't 
 deny that it's rather appropriate." 
 
 " That's exactly what I'm complaining of. 
 It's sickeningly appropriate. At least you 
 all think it is. That's what's so horribly 
 vulgar about playing it. As a matter of
 
 "LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM" 311 
 
 fact, we're not that kind of people at all, 
 either of us. We dislike that sort of thing 
 intensely. Listen to them now." 
 
 The crowd, moved to enthusiasm by the 
 strains of the band, had taken up the song. 
 
 " For there's nothing half so sweet in life as love's 
 young dream." 
 
 "After all," said the colonel soothingly, "you 
 married her, you know. You must allow us to 
 give you credit for the usual feelings." 
 
 "Credit!" said the doctor. "Credit! 
 Good heavens, colonel, even if we had 
 what you call the usual feelings, do you 
 suppose we want to bray them out on brass 
 instruments in the middle of the night, 
 beside a bonfire in front of Thady Glynn's 
 hotel ? It's the most revoltingly indecent 
 
 exhibition of blatant vulgarity But there, 
 
 I've nobody to blame but myself. I ought 
 to have come home directly I heard about 
 this demonstration. I might have known. 
 If I'd had a glimmer of common sense, I 
 would have known that there wasn't a man 
 in Ballintra fit to organise a thing of the 
 sort properly except myself." 
 
 "What we did," said Michael Geraghty 
 feebly, "was for the best."
 
 312 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Dr. Whitty refused to be pacified. He 
 took his wife by the arm and led her away. 
 The song followed them down the street, 
 beyond the light of the bonfire, to the door 
 of their house. 
 
 "There's nothing half so sweet in life as love's 
 young dream." 
 
 "After all," said Mrs. Whitty, "it was 
 rather nice of them." 
 
 " They may have meant well," said the 
 doctor, "but that kind of sentiment is 
 absolutely nauseating. If I'm ever married 
 again I mean to say, when the time comes 
 for our silver wedding I shan't go on any 
 honeymoon. I shall stay at home and 
 organise whatever demonstration of wel- 
 come there is to be on proper lines. It's 
 an extraordinary thing how stupid people 
 can be over quite simple affairs when they 
 are left without proper guidance." 
 
 Printed by MORRISON & GIBB LIMITED,
 
 SPRING 1913 
 
 METHUEN'S 
 POPULAR NOVELS 
 
 Grown 8vo, 6s. each 
 
 THE LOVE PIRATE 
 
 By C. N. and A. M. WILLIAMSON 
 
 Authors of 'The Heather Moon' 
 
 The Princess di Sereno, beautiful and young, sails for America to visit 
 California, her father's native land. No sooner does she reach New York, 
 than she is plunged into an adventure of which Nick Hilliard, a young 
 Californian, is the hero. All unconsciously she becomes the ' love pirate ' 
 who takes Hilliard from the Spanish woman who adores him. The hero 
 conducts the heroine through exciting adventures, and a drama of love 
 and jealousy, set in the midst of California's most magnificent scenery, 
 leads at length to a happy ending. 
 
 A KNIGHT OF SPAIN 
 
 By MARJORIE BOWEN 
 
 Author of 'I Will Maintain' 
 
 This story is laid in the stormy and sombre last half of the sixteenth 
 century, and deals with the fortunes of the Royal House of Spain, the 
 most powerful, cruel, and tragic dynasty of modern Europe. The hero 
 is Charles v's son, the gay, handsome, and heroic Don Juan of Austria, 
 who rose to an unparalleled renown in Christendom as the victor of 
 Lepanto, intoxicated himself with visions of a crown and the rank of 
 ' Infant ' of Spain, and from the moment of his apogee was swiftly cast 
 down by his brother, Philip n, sent to undertake the impossible task 
 of ruling the Low Countries, and left to die, forsaken, of a mysterious 
 illness, at the age of twenty-eight, in a camp outside Namur. The story 
 embraces the greater part of this Prince's short life, which was one glow- 
 ing romance of love and war, played in the various splendours of Spain, 
 Genoa, Venice, Naples, Sicily, Africa, Paris, and Brussels.
 
 METHUEN'S POPULAR NOVELS 
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 DR. WHITTY 
 
 By GEORGE A. BIRMINGHAM 
 
 Author of 'Spanish Gold' 
 
 Dr. Whitty is a person of some importance in the town of Ballintra, 
 which is situated in western Connacht. He lives on the best of terms 
 with Colonel Beresford, the local landlord, Mr. Jackson,. the rector, and 
 Father Henaghan, the parish priest. In his efforts to benefit the town, 
 to help those in any kind of difficulty and to purify the public life of the 
 place, he meets with a series of adventures of an unusual and amusing 
 kind. He finally wins the affections of Miss Mulhall, a lady who was 
 engaged in furthering the philanthropic schemes of an English social 
 reformer. The series of his adventures closes with the welcome home 
 given to him and his bride by the grateful townspeople. 
 
 AN AFFAIR OF STATE 
 
 By J. C. SNAITH 
 
 Author of 'The Principal Girl' 
 
 A story which attempts to forecast the course of events in the political 
 world in the near future. Industrial unrest, fomented by class hatred, 
 causes a chasm to open in the life of the nation. Labour and Capital 
 are ranged on opposite sides of an unbridgable gulf; the monarchy is 
 imperilled and civil war imminent. This engrossing novel tells how the 
 situation is saved by the courage and wisdom of a great man, and by the 
 self-sacrifice of one who gives his life in order to preserve his country.
 
 METHUEN'S POPULAR NOVELS 
 
 MARY ALL-ALONE 
 
 By JOHN OXENHAM 
 
 Author of ' The Quest of the Golden Rose ' 
 
 Mary All-Alone is the story of a girl of position and culture flung 
 suddenly on the swirling tide of life, with no special training or aptitude 
 for earning her living in any capacity. Her very attractiveness raises 
 barriers against her. She finds helping hands and the reverse, as she 
 treads the stony path, and her courage is strained to breaking point at 
 times to withstand the temptations of the primrose way which would 
 provide for her bodily comfort at the expense of her higher nature. But 
 she wins through to happiness in the end. 
 
 THE BELOVED ENEMY 
 
 By E. MARIA ALBANESI 
 
 Author of ' Olivia Mary ' 
 
 In Madame Albanesi's new story she gives a study of two temperaments 
 one, strong and rough, made unduly bitter by strange circumstances, yet 
 capable of splendid qualities; and the other, a sunny-hearted girl who, 
 from being rather feather-brained, impulsive, and even heartless, develops 
 gradually into a woman of strong feelings, fine courage, and very real 
 sympathy. The book deals with a love story set in rather romantic 
 fashion, and the vicissitudes of Elizabeth the heroine bring her in contact 
 with a number of social characters all sketched in easily and naturally.
 
 METHUEN'S POPULAR NOVELS 
 
 THE PEARL-STRINGER 
 
 By PEGGY WEBLING 
 
 Author of ' A Spirit of Mirth ' 
 
 The Pearl- Stringer is a story of modern life in London. It principally 
 deals, as the title implies, with the work and experiences of a girl who 
 strings pearls. This is a little-known occupation, and every detail of 
 the captivating work is given in Miss Webling's new novel, interwoven 
 with a story of love and friendship. It is a book of many characters, 
 quaint descriptions, and intimate talks. Readers who remember her 
 former stories will expect to meet some of the odd and eccentric people 
 who appeal to the author's sympathy and humour. They will not 
 be disappointed, for she will have the pleasure of introducing them to 
 Professor Percy Mordaunt, master of the art of legerdemain ; Pill and 
 Perth, jugglers and illusionists ; and Mr. and Mrs. Tee, of the celebrated 
 Tee Family. 
 
 THE FOOL IN CHRIST 
 
 EMANUEL QUINT 
 
 By GERHART HAUPTMANN 
 
 Translated by THOMAS SELTZER 
 
 A translation of the most remarkable of the novels of Gerhart Hauptmann, 
 to whom the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1912 was awarded. This work 
 attempts to place the living human Christ before sophisticated twentieth- 
 century eyes. Whatever other effect it may have, the book cannot fail 
 to cause discussion. In Quint, a figure at once pathetic and inspiring, 
 the author has drawn a character whose divine charm should be felt by 
 every reader.
 
 METHUEN'S POPULAR NOVELS 
 
 STUDIES IN LOVE AND 
 IN TERROR 
 
 By Mrs. BELLOC LOWNDES 
 
 Author of 'Mary Pechell' 
 
 This is a volume of short stories. As with the same author's Studies 
 in Wives, the stories, though each is complete in itself, have been col- 
 lected together because they all show the dramatic and passionate side 
 of human life. In each the heart of a woman is revealed, under stress of 
 temptation, of tragic circumstance, or of the irony of fate. The longest 
 story is concerned with a great submarine disaster, and in another story 
 the sea plays a decisive part. The period of all these studies is the present 
 day, except one, which is laid in the early days of railway construction in 
 England. 
 
 CHANGE OF CLIMATE 
 
 By A. A. METHLEY 
 
 Author of ' The Key of Life ' 
 
 The twelve stories in this book, the scene of which is laid in Egypt, 
 deal entirely with the life of the tourists and English residents in that 
 alluring country, and illustrate some of the curious influences which 
 change of climate and of surroundings may have on different characters 
 and temperaments. The stories also draw attention to the strange possi- 
 bilities, mysteries, and dangers which, in an Eastern country and, 
 perhaps, especially in Egypt lie beneath the surface of the gay social 
 life of its alien population. In a word, East and West are shown at a 
 meeting point. 
 
 THE TERRORS, AND OTHER 
 STORIES 
 
 By ARCHIBALD MARSHALL 
 
 The stories in this book are the pick of those which Mr. Marshall has 
 written during the past seventeen years, and they form the first collection 
 of the kind that he has made. For the most part they take a humorous 
 view of life and its episodes. The author has arranged them in the order 
 in which they were written, so that the reader may perhaps observe a 
 development and improvement in the art of fiction as he has learnt it.
 
 METHUEN'S POPULAR NOVELS 
 
 IF IT PLEASE YOU 
 
 By RICHARD MARSH 
 
 Author of ' A Royal Indiscretion ' 
 
 If it please you if, Sirs and Ladies, you will do yourselves the service 
 to glance within here's all sorts for you. A collection as odd, as 
 whimsical, as wonderful may we say as humorous ? as you may be 
 pleased to want. Here's a bishop goes a-riding with a strange lady in a 
 stranger's car and the tragic sequel. Here's the cat that brought the 
 pair together. Here's the man who, having by a misadventure killed his 
 friend, turned him into gold a wondrous narrative. Here's the girl 
 who, in the most perfect innocence, came on a kiss through a hedge, and 
 did not know the giver. Here's something to each special taste ; for all 
 Honourable People, a perfect feast If It Please You ! 
 
 LED INTO THE WILDERNESS 
 
 By WILLIAM E. BAILEY 
 
 John Martin, the hero of this story, is a missionary in a rarely visited 
 island in the East. Here he is ' tempted of the devil ' and falls. First 
 he yields to a craving for drink, and then to allurements of another kind 
 in the person of a beautiful half-caste girl. Her dramatic death seems to 
 him God's punishment for his offences, and he thinks he has sinned 
 beyond redemption. His despair touches the verge of madness, but in 
 the end he finds faith and peace. 
 
 WO 2 
 
 By MAURICE DRAKE 
 
 This is a sensational and exciting story of present-day illicit seafaring. 
 To explain the character of the forbidden trade would be to tell too much. 
 Enough that international politics are concerned, and that such adventures 
 occur as have made the fortune of earlier romances. A critic who has 
 read Mr. Drake's story in manuscript remarked that it was the most 
 exciting yarn of the sea and its scoundrelism since The Wrecker.
 
 METHUEN'S POPULAR NOVELS 
 
 REQUITAL 
 
 By Mrs. J. O. ARNOLD 
 
 Author of ' The Fiddler ' 
 
 The prologue describes how John Alderson saves the life of his friend 
 Dacre during an ornithological expedition in Siberia. The story opens 
 several years later when Sir Henry Dacre, now an elderly man, and Jack 
 Alderson son of his former rescuer are in love with the same woman, 
 Beatrice Wylde. She marries the ornithologist, with the result that com- 
 plications ensue, and Alderson goes out to the Boer War. The conflict 
 in the heart of an undisciplined woman is portrayed, ending in the final 
 victory of her nobler nature. The scene is laid chiefly near the city of 
 steel, Greytown. 
 
 THE EVOLUTION OF EVE 
 
 By BERTHA SHELLEY 
 
 Author of ' Enderby ' 
 
 In her new novel, Bertha Shelley has written emphatically a love story. 
 It is a novel that goes straight to the heart of the reader and grips it 
 until the very last page. The action of the story begins in Australia, but 
 continues in London, and an effective contrast is made between the 
 heroine's early life, with its open and rough surroundings, and the more 
 complex environment of the somewhat raffish society in London into which 
 she is thrown. But her charm and simplicity conquer all, and she remains 
 faithful to her ideals. The book is glowing with interest, and the con- 
 vincing charm of the narrative, with its strong and subtle grasp, leaves 
 the reader with the impression that the oldest story in the world is the 
 only story worth the telling. 
 
 HADOW OF 'SHAWS 
 
 By THEO DOUGLAS (Mrs. H. D. Everett) 
 
 The story of an unwilling wife, and her endeavour to escape the 
 obligation of a nominal marriage, into which she was forced at the age 
 of sixteen. When the story opens the dreaded husband is returning from 
 India after an absence of four years. The expedient to which she resorts, 
 and its after consequences, supply the thread of a briskly moving romance. 
 The scene is laid in a country village not far remote from the London of 
 1796.
 
 METHUEN'S POPULAR NOVELS 
 
 UNCONVENTIONAL MOLLY 
 
 By JOSEPH ADAMS 
 
 Author of 'Ten Thousand Miles through Canada* 
 
 Unconventional Molly is an Irish romance. The heroine is a link 
 between high life with its prejudices, and lowly life with its struggles. 
 The destiny of the characters is worked out in an atmosphere where 
 love and jealousy, tragedy and comedy, are brought into play. The 
 setting of the story is on the shores of the most beautiful bay in the 
 West, a fitting background for the ardour of the grande passion and the 
 poetic temperament of a race which still have eyes for the fairies that 
 swing in the purple heather and frolic in the moonlit glens. 
 
 THE WARE CASE 
 
 By GEORGE PLEYDELL 
 
 In The Ware Case Mr. George Pleydell tells the story of a crime and 
 its gradual unravelment. The central figures are Lady Ware, a beautiful, 
 young, and well-bred woman, torn between deep passion and high ideals, 
 and her pleasure-loving, shallow husband. A mysterious murder and its 
 consequences hurl the woman into the overwhelming drama of life. The 
 book is remarkable not only for its unfailing and intense dramatic interest, 
 but its being a detective story about persons in whom one can believe. 
 
 PASSIONS OF STRAW 
 
 By EVELYN F. HEYWOOD 
 
 This story unfolds the poignant tragedy of a woman who, proud, 
 beautiful, ambitious, finds herself wedded to a cynic and a roue. 
 Her husband, having shattered her happiness, finally succeeds in draw- 
 ing their only child into the whirlpool of his idle, vicious life. The 
 detail of the boy's rescue by the Machiavellian scheming of the father, 
 who seems to regret what he has so carelessly inaugurated, is of powerful 
 interest. The fine steadfast character of Peggy Haslam lightens the 
 darker shadows of the book. 
 
 METHUEN & CO. LTD., 36 ESSEX STREET, LONDON, W.C.
 
 A SELECTION OF BOOKS 
 
 PUBLISHED BY METHUEN 
 
 AND CO. LTD., LONDON 
 
 36 ESSEX STREET 
 
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 CONTENTS 
 
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 Arden Shakespeare ... 14 
 
 Classics of Art ... 14 
 
 'Complete' Series ... 15 
 
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 Handbooks of English Church 
 
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 Handbooks of Theology . . 16 
 
 ' Home Life ' Series ... 16 
 
 Illustrated Pocket Library of 
 
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 Leaders of Religion . . 17 
 
 Library of Devotion . 17 
 
 Little Books on Art . 18 
 
 Little Galleries . . . 18 
 
 Little Guides . 18 
 
 Little Library .... 19 
 
 Little Quarto Shakespeare 
 
 Miniature Library . 
 
 New Library of Medicine 
 
 New Library of Music . 
 
 Oxford Biographies . . 
 
 Four Plays. 
 
 States of Italy . 
 
 Westminster Commentaries 
 
 ' Young ' Series . 
 
 Shilling Library . 
 Books for Travellers . . 
 Some Books on Art . 
 Some Books on Italy . . 
 Fiction 
 
 Two-Shilling Novels 
 
 Books for Boys and Girls 
 
 Shilling Novels . 
 
 Sevenpenny Novels . . 
 
 MAY 1913
 
 A SELECTION OF 
 
 MESSRS. METHUEN'S 
 PUBLICATIONS 
 
 IN this Catalogue the order is according to authors. An asterisk denotes 
 that the book is in the press. 
 
 Colonial Editions are published of all Messrs. METHUEN'S Novels issued 
 at a price above w. 6d., and similar editions are published of some works of 
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 price for ordinary books. 
 
 This Catalogue contains only a selection of the more important books 
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 Andrewes (Lancelot). PRECES PR1- 
 VATAE. Translated and edited, with 
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 Aristotle. THE ETHICS. Edited, with 
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 tut. 
 ENGLISH AND WELSH CATHE- 
 
 DRALS. Illustrated. Demy Svo. IDS. 6d. 
 
 net. 
 
 Bain (F. W.). A DIGIT OF THE MOON: 
 A HINDOO LOVE STORY. Ninth Edition. 
 Fcap. Svo. 3S. 6d. net. 
 
 THE DESCENT OF THE SUN : A CYCLE 
 OF BIRTH. Fifth Edition. Fcap. Svo. 
 
 OF THE DAWN. Seventh 
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 Fcap. Svo. -$s. 6d. net. 
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 BUBBLES OF THE FOAM. Fcap. +to. 
 
 $s. tut. Also Fcap. Svo. 3*. 6J. ntt. 
 
 Balfonr (Graham). THE LIFE OF 
 ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON. Illus- 
 trated. Eleventh Edition. In one Volume. 
 Cr. Svo. Buckram, 6s. Also Fcap. Svo. 
 is. net. 
 
 Baring (Hon. Maurice). A YEAR IN 
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 RUSSIAN ESSAYS AND STORIES. 
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 THE TRAGEDY OF THE CAESARS: 
 A STUDY OP THB CHABACTBRS OP THE 
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 THE VICAR OF MOKWENSTOW. With 
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