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 A TOWN ECLOGUE 
 Edinburgh. 1804. 
 
 "by the Rev? Hay Drumraond - 
 of the Family -"
 
 ' s' ', 
 
 TOWN ECLOGUE. 
 
 / 
 
 JW 
 
 e Cratinus Aristophanesque poetae, 
 Atque alii, quorum comoedia prisca virorum est, 
 Si quis erat dignus describi, quod malus ac fur, 
 Quod moecbus foret, aut sicarius, aut alioqui 
 Famosus ; multa cum libertate notabant. 
 
 HOR. SERM. LIB. i. SAT. 
 
 PRINTED FOR THE AUTHOR, 
 
 BY OLIVER AND CO. 
 
 BY JOHN BUCHANAN, NORTH BRIDGE, 
 
 1804
 

 
 TO 
 
 THAT ILLUST^OUS, 
 
 ENLIGHTEN^, AND PATRIOTIC 
 
 BODY, 
 
 THE HIGHLAND SOCIETY, 
 
 THE FOLLOWING 
 
 LINES 
 
 ARE HUMBLY INSCRIBED, 
 
 BY 
 THEIR OBEDIENT SERVANT, 
 
 A CALM OBSERVER.
 
 clogue. 
 
 FIE ON'T ! O fie I 'tis an unweeded garden 
 
 That grows to seed : things rank, and gross in nature 
 
 Possess it merely. 
 
 IN that fam'd city, where on rock sublime 
 The MAIDEN'S CASTLE braves the rage of time ; 
 What time SOL'S ruddy disk sunk beamless down, 
 And rising mist involv'd the reeking town ; 
 The glaring shops allur'd 'the eye no more, 
 And tradesmen for the day their tricks gave o'er ; 
 
 A
 
 What time each damsel, as she homeward hies, 
 Hears drowsy tinkling cry of " Mutton pies ;" 
 (Quake at the knell ! thou vagrant race canine ! 
 The crusty fate perchance may soon be thine) ; 
 Whilst trash an:l offals all around are spilt, 
 
 <*- 
 
 And " gutters double gild their treble guilt*/' 
 Whose pungent odour onsnuffd nostrils greets, 
 And whispers whence it stole those balmy sweets f; 
 In pot-house snug two bold NoRTiar BRITONS sat, 
 Cheering their hearts with toddy and with chat r. 
 Much they at home in childhood had been taught, 
 Much learntabroad,whereboth had bravely fought, 
 Whilst sage experience shed reflected light, 
 And justified the claim of " second sight :" 
 
 * SHAKSPERE. 
 
 ! This reminds us of good advice in old times : 
 
 " Perfume thy hous with odouris sweit, 
 " Bot sic as ar for purpois meit ; 
 " As thou abrode in streitis dois ga, 
 " Defend thyself from smellis alsua." 
 
 See the Scottish Calendar prefixed to KNOX'J Form of 
 Prayer, bV. Edinburgh 1596.
 
 The elder first in serious mood began, 
 And thus the dialogue alternate ran . 
 
 DONALD. 
 
 SWEET was the time, when oft we us'd to stray 
 Thro' woods remote, and scent the birchen spray 
 Or pausing after summer's sultry shower, 
 Inhale the bonny broom's delicious flower ; 
 Peace and content smil'd round the cottage door, 
 And bless'd the simple habits of the poor : 
 Unlike the region where we now are plac'd, 
 By all that's haughty, all that's mean, disgrac'd ; 
 Factitious manners, superficial worth, 
 By selfish insincerity brought forth, 
 Destroy of rectitude the honest sense, 
 And render piety a mere pretence. 
 
 HOB. 
 
 I KNOW that pure religion has declin'd, 
 Since sly fanatics dup'd the public mind ; 
 2
 
 Those gospel-quacks, who sacred truth forswear, 
 And vex the shades of ERSKINE and of BLAIR * ! 
 Ilaranguers at the bar, or in the stews, 
 Now vent their crude conceits in pert reviews t ; 
 
 * Two shining lights of that bright constellation of eminent Divines 
 of the old School, which shed glory on the last century, on the Church 
 of Scotland, and on Jhuman nature. 
 
 |- It is said, that one of the forwardest of this upstart gang of cyni- 
 cal Jesuits, is so afflicted with a cacoethes of political discussion, that 
 when he has tired out the usual circle of his acquaintance with his 
 tedious absurdities on the subject, he will repair to some nocturnal re- 
 ceptacle of " those females who delight the public with their beauty," 
 summon a Committee of the whole house, and placing the Matron in tic 
 Chair, lay before them the whole scheme of coalitions abroad, and the 
 necessity of pushing vigorous measures at home, with such wildness 
 of emphasis and distortion of countenance, as stimulate to excess the 
 risible propensities of the honourable assembly. The Chaplain of this 
 damning fraternity, who so outrageously fell foul of Dr PARR'S wig, 
 withdrew himself in good time from the concern, and has since left 
 this place We r.o longer behold him enveloping his sour and sallow 
 visage in the dust of his well-thumped cushion, and the intellects of 
 his hearers in a cloud of inexplicable metaphor. Our Brethren in the 
 South have now an opportunity of admiring his histrionic tones and 
 pauses, (vulgarly called Clap-traps), and of being scolded into reform- 
 ation by those caustic rhapsodies, full of tart theological epigrams, which 
 being carefully kept free from all scriptural quotation, he considers as 
 most elegant and edifying discourses.
 
 11 
 
 By modern sophistry's vain phantom driv'n 
 To speculate away their hopes of heav'n, 
 And strive, in criticism's specious form, 
 To sap the fortress which they dare not storm ; 
 By hint insidious, by oblique surmise, 
 And shallow plausibility of lies, 
 To shake the faith of all the rising race, 
 And palm their cheerless nothings in its place. 
 Each rank's debauch'd in morals and in health, 
 The low by whisky *, and the high by wealth t ; 
 Start where they will, to one sad goal they run, 
 " Some to undo, and some to be undone." 
 
 * See MACNEIL'S incomparable poem, " WILL and JEAN, or Scot- 
 land's Skaith." 
 
 t O Asia ! Asia ! thou unceasing corrupter of nations, and sapper of 
 empires ! will Scotland have cause to make an idol of that man, by 
 whose influence she has barter'd her domestic industry, frugality, and 
 simplicity, for thy ingots and thy principles ?
 
 12 
 
 DONALD. 
 
 "Tis ever thus plain downright Christians ken, 
 When men act only if to be seen of men * ;" 
 Then rankles vice, like an infectious sore, 
 With stiff hypocrisy beplaister'd o'er. 
 In the lewd&ISW^s polluted way, 
 Where nodding roofs obstruct the wholesome day 
 Long ere you reach the spot f of record dread, 
 Where brave MONTROSE 'mid savage insult bled, 
 And pious Puritans, without controul, 
 Howl'd hellish wrath to vex his stedfast soul { ; 
 
 * MATT. vi. 5. 
 
 f The area near the Watergate, where a cross once stood, and where 
 the gallant Marquis of MONTROSE was executed, with circumstances 
 af peculiar horror. 
 
 t He had long been anathematized by these benign preachers of the 
 Gospel of Peace. " Mr WILLIAM STRACHAN," says SPALDING, " on 
 " this day of humiliation," (a fast purposely appointed by the kirk to 
 be rigorously enforced on Easter -day, April 6. 1645), " cried out against 
 " MONTROSE and his army, calling them bloody butchers, traitors, per- 
 " fidious, and of the hellish crew, with many other speeches, unmeet 
 '* to be uttered by a minister from the chair of verity j Mr ANDREW 
 " CANT, with Mr JOHN RUE, x and Mr WILLIAM ROBERTSON, were as
 
 13 
 
 Pent in a close, stampt with religious name, 
 Vile MASKALL skulks in everlasting shame ; 2 
 The close adapted to his dungeon soul, 
 His sneer sarcastic, and malignant scowl ; 
 Those filthy heaps around the entry hung, 
 Suit the black venom of his sland'rous.jpngue*, 
 
 " malicious, and fully worse, against them in the pulpits." See 
 " History of the Troubles in Scotland, from 1624 to i<>45." But in the 
 tragic termination of this great man's life, and all the base indignities 
 he previously underwent with such manly composure, the meek and 
 truly Christian spirit of fanatics was most religiously displayed. " The 
 " ministers never ceased," says another accurate annalist, " to exacer- 
 " bate his misery, to humble him" as they charitably said, " and bring 
 " him home to God ; they aggravated the terrors of his sentence, there- 
 " by to affright him, and denouncing heavy judgments against him; 
 " when he was brought to the scaffold, directed him to pray apart" 
 But mark his devout and undaunted reply : " I have already poured 
 " out my soul before the Lord, who knows my heart, and into whose 
 " hands I have commended my spirit, and he hath been pleased to 
 " return to me a full assurance of peace in JESUS CHRIST, my Re- 
 " deemer ; and therefore, if you will not join with me in prayer, my 
 " reiterating it again will be both scandalous to you and me." 
 
 See " Chronicle of the late intestine War in tic 
 " Three Kingdoms, 1663" 
 
 * See certain papers respecting Shetlaftd, which verify the old
 
 14 
 
 When with a demon's <*rin he looks askance, 
 
 : 
 
 And eyes the virtuous with a spiteful glance. 
 
 Fiend of hypocrisy, and rage perverse ! 
 The good man's scorn, the juggl'd poor man's curse, 
 Dost thou not cant in wealthy " widows houses * [" 
 And trade in weak right-honourable SjaflU^-S ? 
 Have we not seen thee, like a viper foul, 
 Sting thy protector to his very soul ; 
 ^With craft perfidious kindle endless strife, 
 'Twixt child and parent, and 'twixt man and wife ; 
 Pimp for thy brat, inflame th j unhallow'd fire, 
 Seduce a daughter from her.driv'ling sire ; 
 Doom to a wftfc|^r's arms the well-born miss, 
 Then greet the mother with a holy kiss f ? 
 
 jingling distich of the schools, more correct in sentiment than pfo- 
 
 >sody. 
 
 'Omnis hypocrita facie tenus est eremita, 
 
 Mente licet tacita latent anguis aconita. 
 
 * " Woe unto you, Scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites ; for ye Devour 
 " widows houses, and for a pretence make long prayers : therefore ye 
 " shall receive the greater damnation." MATT, xxiii. 14. 
 
 f " Actus activorum sunt in patiente bene praedispos : to." 
 
 Vid, Allertutn Magnum ds Secretis Nature*
 
 15 
 
 ROB. 
 
 FLUSH' D with his orgies, late a saint divine 
 Defii'd the house of pray'r with beastly wine ; 
 Snuff 'd out the candles *, hiccup'd as he read, 
 And cleans'd his gorge on the precentor's head ; 
 Till a grave elder lugg'd him by the gown, 
 And brought him from the rostrum stagg'ringdown. 
 But things are better, where each Sabbath-day, 
 Gay fashion's coaches crowd the c]iit$fcrs way ; 
 
 (Save when old MOSES' dreary drowsy drone* 
 
 ' 
 Makes maidens titter f, and SirWmtft. groan) : *'^ 
 
 For when the pretty preacher up is seen/ *^ 
 You scarce their rumps devout can squeeze between. 
 
 * He is however one of those who boast of " inward light," which 
 may account for this manoeuvre. 
 
 f This deep theologian, discoursing on " the happiness of the life 
 " to come," observed, that one great source of it would be " an easy 
 '* introduction to the acquaintance of those very respectable persons 
 '* the angels." When such a sublime expression is delivered with the 
 starch grimace peculiar to this reverend teacher, 
 
 " The fair may be rebuk'd for want of grace, 
 " But to be grave exceeds all pow'r of face,"
 
 16 
 
 DONALD. 
 
 WE know how well, with sanctimonious look, 
 He squar'd his conduct by the sacred book ; 
 How well his practice fair, refin'd, and chaste, 
 
 | 
 
 mplified the theory of Taste, 
 When rustic frailty, nigh St CUTHBERT'S choir, 
 Assuag'd the heat of prurient desire ; 
 And minor canons clubb'd their scanty pay 
 To send the crying consequence away. 
 Now withsmooth tongue, and visage sleek and white, 
 He never mentions hell 'fore dames polite ; 
 Vamps up soft sentiments for female ears, 
 Nor in their breast excites religious fears ; 
 Bedaubs the rich, for filthy lucre's dole, 
 And " lays the flatt'ring unction to their soul*." 
 Finds the big Pharisee in cue for giving, 
 And saints the dead, and deifies the livin. 
 
 * SHAK.SPERS.
 
 17 
 
 BOB. 
 
 O HOW I hate a sentimental elf! 
 Your " Man of Feeling" feels but for himself; 
 Ne'er lets his actions with his writings suit ; 
 In fiction tender, but in fact a brute. 
 
 DONALD. 
 
 HE chips and pares the faith of Christians down,. 
 To please all sects, and charm the giddy town, ! 
 And fill his gallery with many a crown : 
 Till we no more discern our Saviour's theme^ 
 From Pagan saw of Porch or Academe : 
 Or where the mosque's gilt minarets arise, 
 Or where the Hindoo mounts the pile and dies *, 
 
 * It is notorious, that this pattern of Christian faith and practice 
 generally tickles the itching ears of his motley congregation with neat 
 moral essays, without even naming the name of CHRIST, (which, as he 
 is supposed to have " departed from iniquity," we might think he had 
 no scruple in doing) j and even at those solemn seasons which require 
 some reference from the pulpit to the great distinctive doctrines of 
 Christianity, he styles the Divine Redeemer of the world '' a very good 
 " man." Is this " preaching CHRIST crucified" " the power of God and 
 " the wisdom of God?" Is it not rather, as another JUDAS, for " pieces
 
 18 
 
 ROB. 
 
 SCIENCE at least erects her crest on high ; 
 The god of med'cine lifts her to the sky. 
 Hear but his vot'ries lecture, and you'd swear 
 That JEscuLAPius himself were there ; 
 AndH&|& believes his fine didactic turns 
 Sweet as the notes of ADELINE * or BURNS. 
 
 DONALD. 
 
 THAT topic is unfit for you and met; 
 " Who can decide, when doctors disagree >" 
 
 " of silver," which chink in the platter, becoming a betrayer of his 
 LORD, and a traitor to his GOD ? 
 
 * See some exquisite pieces of poetry with that signature in " The 
 " Poetical Register." 
 
 f This whole discourse may be considered as turned on subjects far 
 above their sphere of information ; but this will cease to excite our 
 surprise, when we reflect how much it is the pride of North Britain, 
 that its peasantry are far better instructed than those of the South in 
 topics of abstract speculation and abstruse divinity, in all the points of 
 dispute between adherers to the Established Kirk, and Seceders from 
 it, Eurghers and Antiburghers, Haldanites and Sandemanians, &c. Sec.
 
 Let GftlSj&ty, in pond'rous quartos, tell 
 The curious secrets of the patients' cell ; 
 From luscious anecdote's facetious stores, 
 Of amputations dire, and fly-blown sores, 
 Expose the art profound to vulgar eyes, 
 And thus profane its gainful mysteries. 
 Some style this jumble of satyric strokes 
 " An hospital for invalided jokes ;" 
 And others, in a higher rank to class 'em, 
 " The classic surgeon's Gradus ad Parnassum ;" 
 
 So that you may hear the inhabitants of a Scottish cottage, like the 
 
 angels in Milton, 
 
 " Reason high 
 
 " Of providence, foreknowledge, will, and fate, 
 " Fix'd fate, free-will, foreknowledge absolute, 
 " And find no end, in wand'ring mazes lost." 
 
 Their debates on politics are equally clear and unprejudiced ; and. 
 doubtless from this habit of candid discussion proceed that enlightened 
 faith, those liberal sentiments, and that correctness of moral character, 
 so highly extolled in parliament by a 'warm Advocate for Scotland, and 
 happily illustrated by an Honourable Member in the proportion of fe- 
 lons at Manchester, who could boast of their origin on this side the 
 Tweed.
 
 And Biff may be the cleverest leech alive, 
 Nor impudence alone make Btt!f- thrive*. 
 Leave we alike the wrangling courts, nor draw 
 Our minds into the labyrinth of Law : 
 Who to unfold its dark decrees is able ! 
 O who can cleanse that vast Augean stable ! 
 Let Justice veil her venerable head, 
 When dulness sits aloft in robes of red ! 
 Though with delight we upright C$$ftlft see, 
 With courteous GdftHft, deep-read W**Jtaftl 
 In the CfttNrt-BiWTs bland ingenuous face, 
 Read all the. worth and talents of his race ; 
 Who with the low litigious crew can cope ? 
 From lying Jemmy HM.H to blust'ring 8fciJ% 
 Who, though a braggart now of martial note, 
 Oft found his gown a shelt'ring petticoat. 
 
 * " Qpi sciverat apte 
 
 Hopigenum fattas avidc oscularier arsas." 
 
 Vid, Polema-miildiniam Carmen Macaronicum.
 
 ROB. 
 
 BUT sure our nobles, geu'rous, .brave, and free, 
 Maintain the worth of glorious ancestry : 
 And like B^lf^f &*.*, wide as their command, 
 Spread social comfort through a craving land. 
 
 DONALD. 
 
 I SCORN to hearken to seditious jeers, 
 On pride impoverished, and on pension'd peers ; 
 For there are some, in lofty stations plac'd a 
 By merit, 'higher than by title, grac'd ; 
 And heav'n bestows rare blessings on our isle, 
 In valiant imtf&f, and in mild A*|?*i ; 
 But all the solemn arrogance can scan, 
 And air despotic of the King piJ!&&; 
 Can loathe wild notions that so rife prevail, 
 In restless mind of sceptic Ji&t$t$t ; 
 Can in the name of a much-injur'd wife; 
 With trumpet-tongues arraign detested Jijfc *. 
 
 * This sordid and imperious miser, who, though of low lineage, 
 pretends to be descended from a famous Scottish tyrannicide, somr
 
 "I 
 
 *'cl; 
 
 And who derides not one of high degree, 
 Grown grey in self-conceited vanity ? 
 His brain with ill-assorted fancies stor'd, 
 Like shreds and patches on a tailor's board, 
 Women, and whigs, and poetry, and pelf, 
 And ev'ry corner stuff'd with mighty Self; 
 With scraps, and puffs, and comments without end a 
 On prince and patriot, parasite and friend ; 
 Vaunting, his worth how all the great caress'd, 
 HowH*******din'd, and how the Duchess dress'd ; 
 And ARIOSTO sang the BttKJt* crest ; 
 How well he's written, and how much has read ; 
 How hungry authors swallow'd all he said ; 
 And antiquarians banish'd him their board, 
 Aw'd by the wit of such a sapient l**d *. 
 
 years ago, they say, wished to try his hand at uxoricide ;' and it was 
 
 owing solely to the Lady's good constitution that his escaped 
 
 a very auk ward kind of suspense. 
 
 * Others attribute the erasure of his illustrious name to his refusing 
 to pay up the arrears of his annual subscription.
 
 When (pride and av'rice struggling hard for sway)*. 
 He rears the cast *, for which he will not pay, , 
 Bids a mock angel his bombast rehearse, 
 And whips the chit for bltmd'ring at a verse ; 
 Steams of weak tea, like curling incense spread, 
 Wreathe round the President's belaureli'd head ; 
 The stern republican's perturbed ghost 
 Snuffs a spare hecatomb of jam and toast ; 
 Whilst lordlings whimper o'er the hero's dust, 
 And Lady BETTYS crown the democratic bust ; 
 Who but such inconsistent folly shuns, 
 Worse e'en than Ht#f Y'S stale concocted puns ? 
 With zeal officious, and with pompous fuss, 
 He boasts his forg'd commission from the 
 And bent on civilizing POLISH bears, 
 Turns wholesale dealer in professors' chairs : 
 Yet, as it chanc'd to GAY'S dogmatic owl, 
 Who miss'd the genius of each servile fowl, 
 
 * WASHINGTON'S bust in plaster of Paris, whose birth-day was cele- 
 brated in this fantastic ir.an.ner.
 
 'Tis doubtful, if the provinces assign'd 
 Are quite congenial to each sage's mind. 
 Now hear him give the band their rich reward, 
 A fulsome portrait *, painted by the yard ! 
 " Take it," he cries, " and hang it in your hall, 
 " All sons of science for my sanction call ; 
 " Short though I be, colossus-like I stand, 
 " Wave o'er each hemisphere my critic wand ; 
 " There future ages shall with rapture see 
 " Imperial ALEX, and important ME." 
 
 ROB. 
 
 OUR minor gentry virtue's call attend, 
 
 Proud to be thought the laboring peasant's friend. 
 
 * A fine specimen of the bathos in painting! !! The Emperor of all 
 the Rt jf ffe crowned by L-d B^ffct*,! ! What ! crowning again ! 
 my L-d ? Was it not enough that thou occasioned the image of the im- 
 mortal Tjf- *''**: to be crowned with a Jordan, merely as the degraded 
 object of thy vain and childish idolatry, but the enlightened autocrator 
 of a mighty empire, must be dubb'd a great man, like 'Don QUIXOTE 
 at the inn, by a strange simple individual, whom he never saw nor 
 heard of ? How modest and pertinent the design ! how grand the
 
 
 DONALD. 
 
 HAST thou not learnt poor hapless ANNA'S fate ? 
 Too sad to hear, too cruel to relate. 
 O will not heav'n its arm of vengeance bare ! 
 Smite the assassin of the pregnant fair, 
 Who first entrapt, then left her in the snare ! 
 She bloom'd, in J[itt*'8 sweet sequester'd dale 
 A pure and fragrant lily of the vale, 
 Her parent's * darling, till a spoiler came, 
 Robb'd him of happiness, and her of fame ; 
 Brought her in triumph to this godly town, 
 Reflection's pangs in folly's stream to drown ; 
 In four short months betray 'd the sacred trust, 
 And left her to a hireling' sjprutal lust. ^ M 
 
 Soon as her destiny appear'd too clear, *""**" 
 Abandon'd by the man she held most dear, 
 
 effect ? Most noble Egotist ! surely thou art as fond of lavishing thy 
 leafy crowns on the temples of other men, as thou art of retaining thy 
 " siller crowns" in thine own pouch. 
 
 * He held a small farm under the seducer of his only child
 
 In abject want, and plunder'd by the knave 
 To whom the wretch the base commission gave ; 
 With lifted eyes, clasp'd hands, dishevell'd hair, 
 She sat a monument of dumb despair ; 
 Till in the poppy's juice she sought repose, 
 And drank a long oblivion to her woes. 
 
 BOB. 
 
 DID not the neighbours, knowing what was done, 
 Swift to her life's relief impatient run ; 
 Expel the poison she had rashly quaffd, 
 And save her from distraction's fatal draught ; 
 Pour down some antidote to th' horrid bowl, 
 And give a respite to her injur'd soul ? 
 
 DONALD. 
 
 IN stupid apathy they staring stood, 
 No head conceived, no hand attempted good ; 
 Unmov'd they heard these words, " I must depart, 
 " For I have broke a tender father's heart ;
 
 (( Oh ! why on earth one moment should I stay,.. 
 " When all I love thereon is fled away ? > 
 
 " Ah ! little thought I WILLIAM could betray." 
 She ceas'd....a torpor seiz'd each polish'd limb, 
 Her eyes, once brilliant, waxing dull and dim, 
 The potent drug congealing ev'ry grace, 
 Blasting the roses of her lovely face, 
 Till stretched she lay, when fled her latest breath, 
 A beauteous statue for the fane of death *. 
 
 ROB. 
 
 DID not the rigid censurers of vice, 
 Who in their social circles are so nice, 
 The prim, the pure, the pious, and precise, 
 
 * A very recent catastrophe 1 
 
 " And never will be told a tale 
 
 " More sad, more tendeft, or more true" 
 
 SHKNSTOHE. 
 
 Nothing more evidently marks the depraved taste and morals of the 
 present age, than the ideot applause which attends the recital of that 
 paltry ballad, " Miss BAILLIE." All the late phantasmagorical non- 
 sense, and revived superstition about dreams and spectres, deserve se-
 
 Consign to infamy's remotest den, 
 
 And hoot the monster from the haunts of men : 
 
 DONALD. 
 
 AH no ! he boldly drives his mad career ; 
 Struts arm in arm with commoner and peer ; 
 Whilst he can drink, and dance, and dice, and whore, 
 He's still " a damn'd good fellow/' as before. 
 
 'ROB. 
 
 IF rich, ne'er mind what conscience saith within, 
 
 Here poverty alone is all the sin ; 
 
 If at a tavern you can pay your stake, 
 
 What if each day you each commandment break. 
 
 O ! did fond mothers rightly understand, 
 
 They train their offspring for a villain's hand ; 
 
 vere ridicule ; and any subject may excite laughter when accorppanied 
 with buffoonery : but is there in truth any thing so very ludicrous in the 
 seduction of an innocent female by a rascal, and her committing sui- 
 cide in consequence of his treachery ? We may soon expect to have 
 elegant extracts from the Newgate Kalendar set to music.
 
 When for external charms, and tinsel grace, 
 They slight the mental beauties of their race ; 
 Few withhold mein,and limbsexpos'd, would swerve 
 From modest delicacy's chaste reserve. 
 But mark the lounge of fashionable fools, 
 
 O 
 
 The public dancings of our boarding-schools ; 
 
 There praise matures affected impudence, 
 
 And vanity runs riot with expence : ' 
 
 There coxcombs, hir'd to teach the tender fair 
 
 The wanton attitude, the wanton air, 
 
 Brush the fresh bloom from off the rip'ning plumb, 
 
 And leave it mellow for the time to come*. 
 
 * A famous Scottish nobleman, above a century -ago, seems to have 
 entertained similar ideas ; when assigning his reasons to a friend for 
 removing his daughters to a country-seat, from the management of 
 their mother in Edinburgh, he says, " But above all, my chief reason 
 " is, she having had lately the charge of her sister DOWN'S daughter, 
 " some years older than any of mine, she did encourage her in things 
 ." I would- not for the world be guilty of, as a parent especially, which 
 " was to encourage her to write billet-doux's and letters to CARNU. 
 " WATH, Sir GEORGE LOCKHART'S son and heir, and by the company 
 " she kept by her example, as the Countess of FORFAR, NANNY MUR- 
 " RAY, &c. she had like .to have been ruined ; and came to that length 
 " of impudence, that, dancing with CARNWATH in the dancing-school,
 
 30 
 
 DONALD. 
 
 YOUR southern border boasts this babe of grace. 
 Long fara'd for rapine, slaughter, and the chace ; 
 (For authors now will fill some hundred leaves, 
 To prove their ancestors notorious thieves) . 
 But thoughtless wrongheads also issue forth 
 From the bleak mountains of the frozen north ; 
 Till their dependants cry, oppress'd with want, 
 " Would ev'ry Laird was like the Laird of GRANT 1" 
 A landlord squanders on some swelt'ring ball 
 A sum for which his pining tenants call ; 
 And what he wastes on one luxurious feast, 
 Would keep their families a year at least. 
 Thus, whilst he saunters in this apish town, 
 And brings rich LONDON'S costliest fashions down, 
 His former vassal, all connection broke, 
 That caus'd his glory in his ancient yoke, 
 
 " she squeezed his hand ; all which the youth told, and the girl was 
 
 " sent for home." 
 
 See " ARCHIBALD Earl (afterwards Duke) 
 
 of ARGYLE'-T Letter to Mr CARSTAIR.S, 
 Edinl>urgb t March 30. 1696."
 
 31 
 
 Sighs to his native hills a sad farewell, 
 His heath-roof d hut, and lin-resouhding dell ; 
 Bears to the coast his young ones, and his mate, 
 He fondly hop'd had shar'd BRITANNIA'S fate ; 
 For bare subsistence braves th' Atlantic wave, 
 And, urg'd by famine, yields himself a slave *. 
 
 ROB. 
 
 FAR better did the feudal days abide, 
 When clan met clan with independent pride ! 
 None at his chieftain's mandates would repine, 
 But for his fame life cheerfully resign ; 
 For then the chief his large protection spread, 
 Consol'd the weak, and cheer'd the hoary head, 
 Nourished the brave, caress'd each valiant son, 
 And shar'd with ail the laurels they had won : 
 No foreign foe could e'er their spirit daunt, 
 No rival drive them from their fav'rite haunt. 
 
 * See " IRVINE on Emigration," and " ERASER'S letter to th 
 " Speaker of the House of Commons." 
 
 D
 
 These ties are gone.... but see we in their rooim 
 The village rear'd, the ploughshare, and the loom? 
 All that rewards the hardy sons of toil, 
 And binds the rustic to his native soil. 
 
 DONALD. 
 
 O CALEDONIA ! fam'd, in days of yore, 
 For hospitality's wide-open'd door ; 
 Alas ! that savage virtue hence is fled. 
 Nor left a more refm'd one in its stead. 
 
 ROB. 
 
 BUT see the reeling rulers of the peace, 
 The stout town-guard, those mirrors of police * ! 
 The can has long been out, the hour is late, 
 So let us close to-night our grave debate. 
 
 * The state of the polke in this city, particularly with respect to 
 cleanliness, strongly marks the unsubdued spirit of its inhabitants, and 
 indeed the general freedom of North Britain. When the Greeks de- 
 scribed the liberty of Corcyra, they concisely said, 
 
 Corcyra certe Ubera est, ubi vis, caca.
 
 33 
 
 DONALD. 
 
 " THE time is out of joint ;" a warning's sent ; 
 The trump of war calls loudly to repent. 
 When the fierce foe is driven o'er the main, 
 And our dear country breathes in peace again ; 
 (MoiRA ! " sans peur et sans reproche *," to thee 
 High heav'n commits our awful destiny) ; 
 E'en from the peril gallantly withstood, 
 From scenes of carnage, and from fields of blood* 
 Each thoughtful man will wisely carry home 
 A wholesome lesson for the days to come ; 
 The poor may then more truly virtuous grow, 
 The rich and great be taught themselves to know. 
 
 * " Le Chevalier sans peur et sans reproche." 
 
 By this title, highly expressive, in the quaint language of chivalry, of 
 every thing good and great, was that paragon of military prowess, true 
 piety, and unsullied honour, the great BAYARD, exclusively known 
 throughout Europe. As the noble soldier, under whose able protection, 
 we are at length fortunately placed, seems to have made through life 
 that gallant knight his prototype. " Nomen quod meruit ferat !"
 
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