r / < 4 Z \ < \ ' \ e \ TUf \ / •5 I « THE UNIVERSITV a " SANTA 6AILBAKA » "Plain or Ringlets?" "Plain of mnglct;^? !> ? AUTHOR OF ''SPONGE'S SPORTING TOUR',' Cfec "lorrochs" (gtritxon. LONDON : BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO. Ld., 8, 9, 10, BOUVERIE ST. 1892. LONDON : BRADBURV, AONEW, & CO. LD., nUXlKKS, WIllTEFKlAKS. I 8^a ■Y UI^IY;^;^^ ,.ALIFORNIA SANTA BAKBAEA CONTENTS. CHAP. PAGE I. — BOSEBERRY ROCKS. — OUR HEROINE. — MRS. THOMAS TRATTLES. — THE LAD WE LEFT BEHIND. — WITCHWOOD I'RIORY . . 1 II. — OUR PIC-NIC DAY , . . 9 III.— THE GirSY's PROPHECY. — ADMIRATION JACK .... 12 IV. —THE PIC-NIC. — THE DANCE 19 V. — MRS. BOLSTERWORTH's SPOON 25 VI. — MR. BUNTING IN BED 30 VII. — MRS. MCDERMOTT 32 VIII. — ROSEBERRY ROCKS REGATTA 34 IX. — PIC-NIC NO. II 41 X. — THE HAUNCH OF VENISON 48 XI. —THE ANONYMOUS LETTER 51 XII. — JOHNNY O'DICEY 54 XIII. — THE TURF 57 XIV. — CHOOSING STEWARDS 62 XV. — MR. JASPER GOLDSPINK 66 XVI. — ROSEBERRY ROCKS RACE-COURSE. — JACK AND JASPER. — THEY LOVE AND DRIVE AWAY 70 XVII. — THE RACES 79 XVIII. — THE ORDINARY- 86 XIX. — A BATCH OF GOOD FELLOWS. — MR. O'dICEY's DINNER . . 92 XX. — A QUIET INNOCENT EVENING 98 XXI. — THE SUITORS 107 XXII. — THE TENDER PROP PARRIED. — THE DEPARTURE. — THE ROSE- BERRY ROCKS STATION 110 vi (UtXTKXTS. XXHI. — LONDON IN AVTl'MN. — MISS liiis.v AT MAYKII'.I.lt . . . 118 XXIV, — 81VIN Axi» roun's emvin.— mi;. ( iuimuku.— tiii- nrur. OK TKUr.IVKUSATION 1-3 XXV. — THK INTEKVIKW. — Mil. DOfKl.T 131 XXVI. — mi:. JtKK HACCI.SII AM) TIIK IIOINOS .... 138 XXVII. — TIIK KIIUST MONDAY IN NOVKMIir.ll 141 XXVIII.— TALLY ho! 148 XXIX. — .MISS KOSa's UKTITKN. — MVIN AND Kollt ACAIN . 153 XXX. — MK. roM TAII.IN<:s li)9 XXXI. — Ml!. CKACKNKL LAI I.HKIKLIl 162 XXXII. — .MK. o'dicky again 165 XXXIII. — PUINCE PIKOVEITEZA 172 XXXIV. — OLD AM) NKW SQUIUKS 177 XXXV. — SHOOTINii AND .SLAUOIITKIilNG. — Mil. BAGWKLL THE KKEI'F.U 185 XXXVl.— THE REXDEZVOUS.— THK I'llESENTATlONS . . . . 190 XXXVII. --THE r.ATTl-E.— THK I'UOVINCIALS 195 XXXVIII. — fAriAIX CAVENDISH CHICHESTEU's HOKSES . . . . 203 XXXIX.— AN Ki^riTABLE AKUANGEMENT. — JOHN CROP . . . 210 XL. — THE COLCONDA STATION OF THE GREAT GAMMON AND SHINA( II KAII.WAV 215 XLI. — DUllTOX ST. LECKK 219 XLII. — THE LORD CORNWALLIS INN 22.3 XLIII. — MR. 15UNTING ARRIVES AT RURTON ST. LEGER . . . 228 XI.IV. — MR. .JOVKV JKSsOr AND HIS .JUG 233 XLV. — A SHOCKING RAD .SADDLE. — A SHOCKING BAD HAT . . 239 XLVI. — A SHOCKING BAD HOI'.SE 245 XLVII.— THE SURPRISE 253 XLVIII. — THK EXQUISITE 256 XLIX. — PRIVETT GROVE 259 L. — HAS.SOCK.S HEATH IIILI 265 LI. — THE UNION HINT 270 LII. — BRUSHWOOD RANK 274 CONTENTS. vii CHAP. PAGE LIII. — THE JUG AXD HIS LUNCHEON, OR MR, AND MRS. ROWDE- ROUKIN.s's DINNER PARTY 281 LIV. — APPLETOX HALL 294 LV. — APPLETON HALL IICSPITALITY 301 LVI. — THE BACHELOR BREAKFA.ST AND P.ILLY KOUGh'UN . . 305 LVII. — MR. JONATHAN JOBLlXO's HARRIERS L09 LVIII. — PRIVETT GROVE AGAIN 315 LIX. — THE NEW liONNET 319 LX. — THE RIDE HOME 322 LXI. — BKANFORTH BRIDGE 326 LXII. — A DAY FOR THE JUVENILES 330 LXIII. — MR. ARCHEY ELLENGER's DINNER 340 LXIV. — THE TENDER PROP REPEATED 346 LXV. — MAMMA INSTEAD OF MISS 350 LXVI. — THE GRAND INQUISITION 354 LXVII. — THE DUKE OF TERGIVERSATION'S VISITING LIST . . . 360 LXVIII. — CARDS FOR A BALL . ; 364 LXIX. — THE DUCAL DIFFICULTIES. — THE GENERAL DIFFICULTIES . 368 LXX. — THE DUCHESS OF TERGIVERSATION'S BALL . . . . 373 LXXI. — MR. BALLIVANT AGAIN. — MR. BALLIVANT ON RACING , 382 LXXII. — WHO-HOOP ! 390 LXXIII. — WHO-HOOP AGAIN ! 393 LIST OF VIGNETTES. PAGE Our Heioine ........•••! A sea nymph ......••••••" Mamma looked approvingly on . . . . . • • .1/ Mrs. Motley is deserted .......... 23 In the pea-green balcony 30 (hardener Cupid . 32 Mr. Bunting's ardent admiration 39 A poser for Mamma 51 Mr. Tim Boldero introduces himself 65 An initial dithculty 70 A party of cigar-smoking Israelites ....... 77 The young Cheapside chieftnn 79 Mr. O'Dicey returns thanks for the army 91 A rueful pigeon ........... 98 Cupids in doubt . . . . . . • . ■ • .110 Old Siviu and Four 123 Cordial reception of ]Mr. Goldspink 131 Jock and his horse ........... 138 The Duke prepares to show himself . . . . . - .145 Black-faced Rummager 148 " I'm so glad you've got back " 155 A sporting clium ........... 159 Flying a kite 171 X LIST or I'luMrrTKs. I'AOB I>cltglitfiil ilniu'tiig 172 III tho Duko's prvsoivcs . .185 TI»o l>oanlM rriiu-o 190 Cciptain Cnvoiulish Cliii-hi'stcr's ^^rooni ....... 205 Mr. nuiitiiifj.it till' Cii'iit (iolcoiidii Staticiii 217 On tlic two li.st 225 Riilinjj n burster 228 "Confouml tlio nnimiil." growled Mr. lUiutiiiL; ..... 243 Nursing a sick horso .......... 203 Miss IJosa 262 Mr. Thomas Hoyston 281 " Now I'll Imve a little " 289 " ril have it out," said he 325 H. ready 326 " Well done, young 'un 1 " 335 Popping the question 347 In the ball room . . 368 A tremendous swell .......... 377 Jasper engaged in his favourite ganiu ....... 387 The finish 390 EXTRA ILLUSTRATIONS. The Gypsey's Prophecy {Coloured Illustration.) The most Magnificent of Ridixg-Masteks jMe. Bunting's Pocket Siphonia Mrs. and the Misses Jewison Loi;d Marchhaiik presents the Brush The Prince was "proud to make his acquaintance" John Crop's Ovation The Jug, who was borne impetuously along . "Just jot down what you think we should do" Frontispiece To face p. 10 45 109 152 195 216 312 356 Plain or Ringlets ?'^ chapteh t. IIOSEBERRY ROCKS — OUR HEROINE. — MRS. THOMAS TRATTLES. — THE LAI) WE LEFT BEHINH. — WITCHWOOD PRIORY. T was the Comet year — a glorious summer hastened the seasons and forced the country into early maturity. The hay was "oop" before Giles Jolter ,u;enerally gets it •• doon ; " the corn trod fast on the lieels of the hay, and harvest - bitten .M .P.'s magnified the aroma of the bouquet de millc sev.ers of the Thames, in order to get away to their turnips, their tares, and under shade of their umbrageous trees. All peo])le rushed out of town, that could get. The West End tradesmen alone looked Ijlank. though many of them, took wing also, and followed the broken coveys of company to their basking places in the provinces, there to respread the labyrinths of their allurements, revolve their white hands, show their white teeth, and simper blandly, "AYhat"s the next article mem ? " llR HEROINE. 'J /'/. .i/.v ('/; i:i yc i.irrs .' A »V!»I roiuiiu'iilal siimnu'i' liiniiii;' Nisitrd Mii^laiul, jkmijIc slu»\vf«l ilu-ir appriH'iation (»f (In- honii hy nmkinuf the nicst ol' the luxury. U wus oiit-t»f-(loiir \i{\> for every one — Turkey carpets, ivtl curtains, fur cloaks, thick bdois. umhrellas, no Ioniser com- uiandetl respect, l)Ut were supersed' il liy tlie liiihtrsl. airiest nuislins. Lri»ss;iuiers, an«l slippers. Coals, save I'm' cddkiiii:' purpixcs. niii^ht have Keen slates aliouethei', lor aiiytliiiiu' that auvluuly cared. To seal a letter hecauie an act of foi'titude. Splashinir and dal»ltlin<,' in the sea ^vas the only way (A' keeping- «'(.Kil. All the watcrin^-jtlaees swarmed to repletion. 'riiaidlienson, (ieori,^' Hudson, and tlu' many other (ieoi'ues, who invested their talents and valuahle money in the invaluable »nuli'rtakin.i;s. railways have hrouiiht wealth and salubrity t(j every one's door. It is no loufjcr the class distrii)ution that used tarticular selection. They then take the pet place undei" their winj::?, talk it up and run other places down, finding out Ix-autics that none can sec but themselves. Large and looming as London is, and undeniably adapted for wliat we may call the great wholesale commerce and intercourse of life, it is, nevertheless, to these minor branch establishments that we ai'e mainly indebted for lasting friendships and plain gold ring ••onnections that have so much to do with the comforts and hapi)incs.i of mankind. To i)Ut it in a sporting way, London is a ciijiital cover to find the game in ; but the country is the place to run it down. Jiondon has too many attractions, too much bustle and excitement, for quiet business-like intercourse ; but down in the country, or at one of these sauntering, simpering watering- places — where people meet at every turn — they must come to. sooner or later, or run away for fear of being caught. And here let us record our decided conviction, that of all watcring-iilaces under the sun, Rosebcrry Rocks undoubtedly beai's the belle. She combines within her four parallel lines tlie breezy atmosphere of Salisbury Plain or Xewmarket Heath, the variell trinkety, tinselly attractions of Regent Street, the e(juestrian liveliness of Rotton Row, with a broad expanse of nol)ly swelling sea. Other places may boast their specialties ; Scarborough her pay bridge and newly-built Dovecote, Hastings her castle, St. Leonard's her silence, Weymouth her sands, Dover her castl<', -Margate her merriment, and Broadstairs her lugubrious solemnity ; but tlie individual attractions of each particular place will "be found concentrated at the Rocks, together with the freedom of liondon and tlie independence of the country. No sign of trade is visible, no stranded vessel delivering her cargo, no nauseous fi.sh-curer polluting the shore, no noisy boat-builder hammering at PLAIN OR RINdLETS? 3 Ill's cnift — the wliole place has a never-endinf)- lioliday air, and everything seems to eoiue ready made from afar. From end to end slie is a continuous Hne of palaces and mansions and beanti- fally designed buildings. Her jiopulation moves gaily and jauntily along, the ladies are all beautiful and elegantly attired, and the men look as if £ s. d. were for once banished from their thoughts — a combination of circumstances extremely favourable to authorship. Well, this famous Comet year brought to Eoseberry Rocks, along with many thousand other visitors who have not been fortunate enough to secure the services of an historian, the young and lovely Miss McDermott, on what the lawyers would call a sort of general issue expedition, ere she took the irrevocable two pound twelve and sixpence worth along with young Jasper Goldspink, the banker's son of the pretty agricultural town of Mayfield in C shire, with whom she had grown up in a sort of neighbourly intimacy that would most likely iiave ended in a common matter- of-course match l)ut for the incidents disclosed in the ensuing chapters. Mrs. i\IcDermott, who of course was exceedingly dis- interested and unworldly — at the same time not altogether opposed to either rank or wealth — thought she ^\■ould only be doing Rosa justice by letting her see a little of the world ; accordingly, under ])retence of getting their pretty mansion of Privett Grove painted, she availed herself of the emancipating influence of railways, and arrived with their first-class clothes in a first-class train at this our first-class watering-place, instead (if going to the little fishing town of Herriugshoal Sands hard by. Rosa was then just in the full l)looni of womanhood, of medium height, plump and fair, with a calm, somewhat pensive, "Eugenie" expression of countenance that grew uiion the beholder. If her perhajis rather jireniaturely developed form suggested a year or two more to her age than she really deserved, it was amply com- pensated for by the juvenile looks of Mamma, who, like most fair ladies, had worn wonderfully well. There is nothing so appalling as a great fat mother-in-law. One of the great drawbacks of locomotion — especially where un- protected females are concerned — undoubtedly is the fleecing the travellers undergo at the hands of the hotelkeepers ere they get settled down in a house, and the general evil was aggravated in this particular case by our fair friends — strangers to the place — alighting at (*housey's Hotel, so famous for charges, though "oft' particular times," be it remembered, as the advertisements say, a-i reasonable as any of its class. Unfortunately for its inmates, however, those particular times can never be hit upon, for Chouscy seems to make out his bills by the almanac, and it must be an uncommonly (juecr day to which some particular incident does not attach. Chousey, however, carries things oil" with such a high 15 2 4 /'/. i/.v "/.' i:i .\(. li:ts f hiiml. 8Uoh an clrpiiit :iir, that it is almost a i>lcasiire to Ijc imjM^sid \\\Mn\ by liiin. llaviii<: liccn a iioblt'inairs vak't, ho is always oMii;inir i-iioiii,'li to iissiiiiit' tlic jMissfssion of tillfs l»y his iriiosis, aiui wlu'iicviT lie coikK'sciikIs to leavo liis ;,Miilar in his wife's lunuloir to attiiid a smnnions to justify charu^i's, he tl)rows himself into attitude, exhihitinu' a l)erfeet hla/e of jeweh-y, and. nuuiinir his heriu'^'od hand thr<>ni:h his well-waxed riiiudets, lisps out with the most jxTtect composure. " True, my lord," or "True, mv lady." as the ease may he ; " these charges do \)Cin' rayther high at first glance, hut p'raps youi- lordship (or your ladyship) lujs forgotten that yesterday was the anniversary of the IJattle of Waterloo, and to-day is the day on which Magna Ciiarta was signed, and of course we are obleged to make a little dilference ; *at other times ' I believe I may say our charges are as reasonable as can be." <)ur travellei's happened to arrive on the annivei'sary of the day on which the Malakoti" was taken, and staying over that of the fall of Sebastopol were charged half-a-( rown a head for bread and butter teas, three-and-sixpence for breakfasts, six shillings for mutton chop dinners, lights and apartments in proportion — all very surprising to housekee])ei's who know the prime cost of the articles. AVe need not say that our friends did not stay there any longer than they could help. Mr. Chousey advertising, as well the arrival of liis \ictin)s. as their departure and where they go to, our foir friends iiad hardly got themselves shook out in their pretty semi-detached villa in Seaview Place, and John Thomas his calves revised and hair powdered after the toils of unpacking, ere the well-known !Mrs. Thomas Trattles came, card-case in hand, to pay her respects to the newly-arrived iimiates. Mrs. Trattles knew a lady who knew a gentleman who knew another lady who knew a cousin of the late lamented ^Ir. ^IcDermott, and upon the strength of their far- fetched introduction, .she had called to see if she could be of any use to ^Irs. McDennott, help her to a cook — tell her of a grocer, a blanchisseuse, a bather-woman, a butcher, a flyman — anything that was wanted. Mrs. Trattles lived a good deal u])on commission, and was always ready in the mediating way, to arrange introductions^ adjust differences, recommend houses, engage musicians, or attend dinner-parties on the shortest notice. She knew everything and ever}-body, and was considered a great authority in the matter of money. She acquired this reputation, and maintained her a-soendancy, by always descending to minutiae — telling the odd hundreds, instead of dealing in thousands, as most people do. Thus young "Wheeler would have four thousand three hundred and twenty pounds a-year, instead of the five thousand that ]\Irs. I'olsterworth.the opposition matrimonial appraiser, boldly assigned 10 him ; while Mrs. Trattles knew that Captain Caret's great PLAIN OR lilNi^LETH? 5 expectatious from an uncle were mud) overrated, tlie estate of Meadowbank upon which they chiefly dwelt, being close to a particular friend of hers, and barely worth fifteen hundred a-year, out of which there was a payment of eighty-two pounds a-year for keeping up a school, all very imposing information on account of its perspicuity. To say that ]\lrs. Trattles knew nothing about either case, would not be far from the mark. That, however, is neither here nor there : people like to believe what they wish, and it answered Mrs. Trattles' purpose to accommodate them. For fanning a flirtation she was truly invaluable, and was frequently retained on both sides. She was now busily engaged in endeavouring to clench a somewhat procrastinated courtship l)etween Captain Languisher of the Cooington Hussars, and pretty Sarah Snowball, whose face unfortunately was her fortune ; as also in trying to induce Mr. de Breczey to reciprocate Miss Nettleworth's devotion, without any apparent jirogress in either ■case. Rides and dri\'es, and boats and balls, had all been tried unsuccessfully, and now the fine weather had prompted an ■excursion to the beautiful ruins of Witchwood Priory. The thing was about ripe when Mrs. Trattles found our fair friends' names in the list of arrivals, and learning from Mrs. Chousey, with whom she was on easy tea-drinking terms, that they were highly genteel people, and Miss very pretty, she determined to avail herself of the unlimited capability of a Pic- Xic, to enlist them in the service. Having now satisfied herself that they would do, she gradually unfolded her budget of gaiety and amusements, coming at length to the Pic-Nic, and dwelling on the enchanting nature of the scenery around Witchwood I'riory, with incidental mention of the great people who would be there. Sir Stephen Sappey, the member for Blutfshire's eldest -son, with eighteen thousand a-year landed property ; Mr. Boliug- broke Benson, with a Peerage in expectancy ; Mr. John and Mr. William Worthington, both very nice young men ; Mr. Stanley .Smith, ]\Ir. Martin Hogg, and many other great catches. Mrs. jVIcDermott heard all j\Irs. Trattles had to say with well- feigned indifference. She was extremely obliged — very much so indeed — but they were not there for gaiety, merely on a bathing excursion while their house vras getting painted, and if they were to go, they wouldn't know anybody, and altogether, she Avas •afraid they must decline ; at the same time, they were extremely obliged to Mrs. Trattles for thinking of them, very much obliged indeed, and so on. Mrs. Trattles, (»n the other hand, charged with vigorous determination — " Oh, dear, indeed ; but she would take care that they should know everybody, she would introduce them herself." But Mrs. McDerraott, not knowing her friend, wisely left the offer open, promising to let jMrs. Trattles know in the evening if they could come. And Mrs. Trattles having prvsontiMl her oanl, prcsi-ntly cKmivcI lu-rsclf Dut — hooj^s and nil — li'aviiii; Mamma and Miss tt» von the matter dver, wIid shortly after juu on tlieir tliimrs to ^o out for a stroll, hut in reality, to e.dl at Comtit, the ciinfectitaier's, to eat themselves into the iiifonnatii'ii they rrciuiivd. Sulhce it to say, that what they heard of Mi-s. Tnittles was so satisfactory, that they were next seen at that iiiten-stini; repertory. Ahidanie Herpunotte's l)onnet shop, tryiiii; on honnet after btmnet, nntil all iiha of what they intended iM have was entirely h)st siuht of. It endech liowever, in two hliie l»i>xes and a i>ill arrivin«: that evenini;- in Seavicw Place. Nor was this all; for next day. Monsieur .lidian Milletieius, the famous I'arisian hairdresser, who tires for three and sixpence a trij), was summoned alonsi, who immeih'ately on seeing- our fair frii'ud's soft bhie eyes bcaniinj^ between two bunches of lifjht-brown ringlets, denounced those har-niaid lookinu,- thiniis, and insisted upon dressing lier hair in phiin bands, wiiieh both Mrs. and Miss afterwards airreed were very becoming-. And they wondered what a "certain person " wouhl say if he saw her, said "certain person" iK-ing an admirer of ringlets. Tile wholesome maxim, that "it is well to be oil" with the old love Itefore we are on with the new," applying to a certain extent to the fair as well as to the ruder sex, we may liere say a few words aliout our hero Xo. 1, ere we l)riug Xo. -J upon the lajus. .Jasper (ioldsjiink, if not a smart youth, had some very excellent attri- butes. He was the son of a rich banker, and it is remarkable. that though people will abuse most other callings, it is a rare thing to hear anyone say a word against a banker, simply, we suppose, because abusing a banker would be symptomatic of iia\ing lieen refused a loan. Jasper therefore was a very great man in the country, and only required the aid of Lady Airyworth, Lady Plumage, or some other great leader of fashion, to make him pass muster in town. It is singular how peoi)le Avorshi]v wealth even though there is no chance of getting any of it them- .selves. If Jasper hadn't been rich, or on the highway to riches, such an ordinary every-day looking youth would never have attracted attention at all ; as it was, people winked and nudged each other as he passed, and said, " Oh that will be a rich man" ; or, '* Oh, what a sight of money that man will have!" He walked the streets with a strut and a stare, that as good as said, "I'll be a deal richer than you." Old tioldspink was one of the cautious money-scraping order of bankers, as contra-distinguished to the go-a-head Scotch school, who run a-muck at everything. He thought of nothing but money, revolving a thing over in his mind many times before he did it, always in a doubtful point calling in the aid of figures, beginning with his favourite apophthegm of sivin and four being elivin, and so piling uj) numbers until he an-ived at a satisfactory solution of the mystery. PLAIN OR BINGLETS':' 7 Thus, for instance, if he saw ^Iv. Covdy Brown, the butclier, stealing out of town, with his spurs in liis hat, conceahug", as he thought, his hunting apparel under his olive-coloured Macintosh, he would immediately begin, " sivin and four's cli\in, and eighteen, is twenty-nine — there's that Cordy Brown going out hunting again — and eight is thirty-sivin — much l)etter be taking up AVillowedge and Co.'s overdue bill, than breaking people's hedges scrambling alter Jonathan Jobling's harriers — and fourteen is hfty-one — Jonathan will be coming to grief himself gome day, see his name to a great deal of very suspicious paper — and sivin is fifty-eight — take care he don't do me " — with which wise resolution he would dive his hands into the depths of his capacious trouser pockets and begin his sivin-and-four calculations upon somebody else. Not that old Goldspink altogether disapproved of hunting, for at the instigation of his ambitious wife, he had brought our hero No. 1, what he called " a jDair of hunting horses," to enable him to follow the chase with his noble but sadly over- drawing customer, the Duke of Tergiversation's foxhounds ; but our young friend, after two or three spreacl-eagleings on his back, became so disgusted with a sharpish switch across the bridge of his nose froin the return branch of an ash tree, that he gladly todk advantage of a temporary ailment to one of his horse's " back legs," to withdraw from the chase, and at the period of our story, was turning his attention to what he considered the more prohtable occupation of the Turf. As we shall presently have him down at Roseberry Rocks Races, we will defer a further descrip- tion of his person until he comes ; it being evident that a man's looks depend very much upon what he puts on, just as a lady is one person in a bonnet, and another in a riding-hat. We will, therefore, now return to the Rocks, and amuse ourselves there as best we can, till Jasper arrives. Witchwood Priory is well adapted for expeditions of a romantic nrder, being a spacious ivy-grown ruin, whose crypts, and corri- dors, and pillars, have been rescued by the present generation ii'om the vandalism of the last, and converted from a damp, deserted, nettle-grown rubbish corner, into a picturesque archi- tectural exhibition, situated in the midst of ground-sweeping trees, interspersed with grottos, and labyrinths, and every con- venience for losing oneself. It is a nice easy distance from the ]iOcks — say, a cabman's five miles, or a Christian's four, over undulating downs, whose sound elastic turf gives spirits to the ride]', and sprightliness to the steed. Nor are the creature com- forts of life altogether unknown at the far end, for as soon as " Smiling spring her earliest visit paj'S,"' John Baccoman of the " Cat and Compasses " licensed eating- liouse, in 8hell Street, packs up his beverages, while his wile N /•/. i/v ill: i:i \(; i.KTS f rliUche8thctoa-ni(l(lyjiii(la\vaytliiyp>\villillieiri)ort;»l)lc('nii<,n-aiit's houso, whirh tlii-y pitch lu-iKatli the hfaiitil'iil rciiiains of tlic larj^r irothic wiiulow ttii the cast of tlie ruin, and momentarily (lispci tho iHK'trv v>f the place hy the exhihitiuii of baskets, and buns, and hiU'ls, atjnoiincin}^ bitter beer, eipirs, and hot water for tea. Still this i-yesore is somewhat redeemed by the ])resence of .1 veritable iripsy — one of the real dark-skinned, black-cycd, black- riiiiiletted race, who goes thitterinii- about in her red shawl, russet gown, and ankle boots, disiiensing titles, and honours, and fortunes, ttt all who will listen to her. And a rare business she had done during this our Comet year; for if half the titles she had promised were to come true, Sir IJernai-d Burke might juiblish a new edition of his Peerage immediately. Though we all profi'ss to laugii at the creatures, it is wonderful how many of us like to have our fortunes t«ild on the sly. Baccoman too had done pretty well in his line, charging a shilling for a glass of ale, ninepence Vor a cigar, and sixpence for a penny bun ; but then, as .lohn says, summer does last such a werry short -tinie with them, and they maun make hay while the sun shines. And th(»ugh he predicted that each line day would be the last, and always pointed out indications of the coming storm, still the sun set with undiminished splendour, and rose with unalloyed brightness ; and still .John's Union .lack ascended the staff on the ivy-grown tlag-tower, and still the white kicking pony came lilting and tilt- ing over the downs, with a spring-cart load of comestibles ; and still the gipsy's cry, as regarded the visitors, was, "They come! they cornel I see them galloping I I see them galloping I" up to the very day on which our particular party assembled. PLAIN on IllNdLETS? CHAPTER II. OUR PIC-XrC DAY. T was a lovely day — • the brig-ht greeu sea stretched glassily away in lazy languor, scarce deigning to break silence with a gentle ripple against the shingly shore, while the saucy gulls hovered and dipped, and hovered and dipped, regarcUess of the pop, pop, pop- ping from the guns of the unsteady handed s[»ortsmen in the boats. iJathing-machines were engaged three or four deep, and the fair occupants got good deep remunerative dips instead of being splasii- cd over with a little salt-water, as they lay on the beach like tish on a fishmonger's slab. The " Victoria and Albert," the " Empress Eugenie," the " Wedding Ring, " the " Honeymoon," the " John and Nancy," — all the gay white-sailed party-coloured boats pushed away from the shore with merry giggling groups who thought they could never be sick with such a smooth sea. Every available vehicle, from the pair of horse-fly down to the little goat-chaise, were taken up on the very fullest of full terms. The fineness of the day drew all parties to the door, windows were thrown up, passages left exposed, while the l)uff-slippered owners, stretched listlessly on the benches, stared at the sea, indulged in vacuity, or polished their nails with a pebble, thinking huw sharp they would be when they got l)ack to town. It was a regular dozy, do-nothing sort of day. The new Itcform Bill ought to exempt ])eople from labour when the thermometer is at a certain height. Smiling cantering bevies of beauties, with their shining hair in gold and silver beaded nets, and party-coloured feathers in their A SEA NYMPH. 10 /•/. i/\ "/; i: I \(^ i.irrs / jjiunty little hats, alone iin))iirft'il fncr«rv U> tin- sccno ns (Ikv til- (U1»-ihI aloiiir with <|uirkly folldwitiL;- ti'aiiip, led by {he most iiK'.iiiiitiii'Mt ami alVal'li' ol' i idiiiLr-masti'is. who thus advertise tlu'ir studs, jusi as Howes and Cusliinu' advertise their f^rand I'liited States Cireus. HIet-s ns. what a |iaee some ol" them i^d ! 'That !:ent!eman with idl the honours ItKiks as if he weie Iradinj;' his fair s(|nadron into aetioii, while Xapoleon the Fiist, with his dean white leathers and shiuiiijr jack-boots and no less inlerestinj;" niiseellany, follows at apace that is jierlectly ajqiallin^'. If the fair-haired lady on the rij^ht of the Emperor were to fall, she wtiuld be crushed by the tlauntin as he goes. Out upon the great lout who cannot ease a horse, even though it is nut his own, say we ! All then becomes open- ness and space. The swelling downs roll along in continuous folds to the grey dim of the horizon, while occasional clumps and belts of trees vary the monotony of the scene, and denote the habitations of the cultivators of the improved patches cf land in the valleys. The uplands are dotted with gorse, increasing in strength towards the top, and affording comfortable jumps to such eijuestrians as prefer the downs to doing the Howes and Pushing of the streets. Bleater the shepherd leaves his tinkling-bcUea flock to the care of his sensible dog, and stands, crook in hand, by the road side, staring and wondering what can bring so many tine ladies and gentlemen out of the town every day. Carriage after carriage goes creaking past, and canter after canter go tlie three-and-si.\pence an hour-ers ; some in flocks, some in j^airs, the ladies enlivening the landscape with their fluttering veils and their varied paces, the riders taking occasional peeps at the watches, to see that they are not going too far for their money. From Prospect Hill a clear programme of our pic-nic party 12 /•/. i/.v <>i: i;i .\<; i.irrs f may iu>\v Ik- olitaiiietl, ilio foremost rarriiijjcs wlurli dd iIk- • halky r.mtl ovor tlio distant down — ■• Slmw sciiix'r M) j;ri)S8 us lifi-llos." wltilo the whole line haekward is studded with enIar<,Mn^f vdiicles I'Ulivened with i:ay panisols. ]>ink, h\\u\ white, lilac, lavender — all the smart colours of the season. And much tiie fair bearers need ihcm, for the sun is scorchiji!,''!}' hot, and the air, even in these exaltinl ivirions, dances before the dazzled eyes. At Icni^th the Ibri'most vehicles irain tin- brow uf North JJendlaw Hill, from which the Union .lack of the Priory is seen, and a slit^dit incline of the road ijuickly varies the landscape and brings the traveller amid the enclosures and frrecn trees of the vale. Carriasy, softly — " don't say that, my lady. I've ruled the planets these twenty years, and never yet told wrong ; cross ray palm with a bit of silver, my dear lady mam, and I'll tell you who you'll marry — stej) aside here, step aside," continued she, motioning them off the walk. "No, my good woman," replied ]\Irs. .McDormott, pursuing her • Miurse ; "we don't believe in any such nonsense ; but see, there's a shilling for you," producing one from her 2:)urse as she si)oke, " and now let us hear what yon have to say." The gipsy pocketed the money, and scrutinised oar young friend with her piercing black eyes. '' You've not yefc seen the man you'll marry." said she, slowly and deliberately. " Indeed ! " blushed Rosa, thinking of onr friend in the country. " But you'll see him to-dav," added the gipsv, archlv. " And what will he be like ? " asked llrt McDermott. " Like ! " exclaimed the gipsy. " He'll be the handsomest man here — tall, with raven hair, and eagle eyes, and money beyond measure." " Indeed ! " laughed Mrs. ]\rcDermott, and just at that moment some more migratory balloons appearing in the distance, the gijtsy rushed off to invest them with husbands also — assigning dark to the fair, fair to the dark, tall to the short, and so on. And Miss 14 I'l.Aiy ni: i:i xc i.i:ts / :miirticuliir i»ntplit'cy. Tlir usual onlor of ,i |iir-iiic niarcli is, tlu' jironiotfi's with their nrarly rauu'lit fonijucsts fii-st, the half caujijht couples second, the nuTO niliMers thinl, and then, what the raeinir rejiorters call (he "ruck." 'riu' wholly «lisintei'ested, disen; <'onts, cveniniT coats, nmidescript coats, ridinj; boots, dress hoots, iockey whips, and heel spurs. The ladies only vary their costume hv layini: aside their bonnets for dinner or the dance, thouliss us what a fortin ! one million three 'underd and sixty-five thousand five 'underd punds, all for an outlay of three-and-twcnty 'underd." And he hugged " Daftun " to his heart and l)lessed him, for sho^v- ing him the way to such wealth, and he occasionally saw in the dim mist of the future a peerage for the owner of the aerial edifice of Buntingbury Castle. So having jDlanned and planted, and done everything in a most business-like way, upon paper, he sailed n; ri..ii.\ oi; i:i .\n. and the Admiral and the Admiral's son haviiiu- lK>th paitl tlie tlebt of naUire. now when onr hero No. L' oiiuhl to l>e in |>ossessit-n of nidK)nndcd wealth, his resources from his forest may he l)est descrilied hy extracting; an item from ^lessrs. C'halker uiid Charircr of Lothhury's hill, who had hien sent down express to look a little into nuitters, in consequence of a proposal our Iriend had made tlie hcauliful daughter of a rich client of theirs. The followini; is tlie item : — *• Chaise-hire and expenses from C b to Buntiniibury Castle, when.' instead of a fine forest we found nothinm of tin- last )wi.iri'. lif ]u'rkf(l u|) coiisidcriilily on tliidiiiij: \'M. 17.V. L*(/.. lii^Miriiii; as ilu' amount, ami clinckcd tlic wliolr iliini;,- over on to the side-table lor future consideration. I'.iii ;i lew ihiys after. Iiavin;^ stuek fast in a simiiet he was weaviuu. in liis Vinious lady-loves, lie turned lor inspiration to soniethinu,' solid ; wlicii half way dt»wn an unnnmliered jia.ue, he discovered the dnad reality, and the bill instead of beiiiir l-i/. i7s. '2tl., was in fact 4;W. l:l.s. \tl., the !;>/. I7n. 'Id. beinu' only the amount of the last jmire. So what with a twenty-uiiim'a diamond rinu' that tlw youmr ladv had forgotten to return him ahmu- with his letters and jioetiral ettusitins, tOLielher with seven ])()un(l odd he liad spent in t'tinestrian exercise, in the Howes and Cushiii!^- line, he had <;ot a U»nir way int(» a three-liiiure note. Admiiaiion .lack, liowever, was a man of tjood cheer, not easily depressed, on capital terms with him.>ielf, and just as ready to enter the lists as if he had never been foiled ; and no sooner saw our fiiir friend circling among the crowd, than declaring that there were as good lish in the sea as ever came out of it, he resolved to make np to hei'. And Rosa having recovered from the surprise and trepidation (•aused by the speedy fulfilment of the prophecy (which making allowance for the exaggeration of u gipsy, was not such a bad one), turned a smiling face and ready ear to our ]>hilanderer, as if there was no such person as Jasper (Joldspink, "sivin and four," or other friends and relations in the woild. So, when the pre- paratory clatter of knives and forks Ijccame louder, and the tramp and hurry of fodtmen more frequent, tlie two stood chatting and simpering together, suggestive of the " handsomest couple under the sun." ^Mamma looked ap])rovingly on, ]\[rs, Trattles congra- tulated herself on the success of her venture, while ]\rrs. Tartar- man, with her saucy-nosed daughters, stood Avith well thrown back heads ]jitying the jwor girl who was going to be made a fool of. Presently there was a mysterious movement in the throng, arms suddenly distended either singly or in pairs, a faded green Ijaize curtain was (kawn aside, and the company gradually proceeded from the sky canopied drawing-room of the outer ruin, to the canvas-covered refectory adjoining, (ireat was the gathering of crinoline, and squeezing past corners, and getting round tables, and beggings of ])ardons. and askings to be unloosed, and thanks for the favours, and wor.derings of the ladies how they were ever to get themselves seated on such little narrow benches. ]>etter far to have had a s])read on the ground with unlimited circumference for ea(;h. However, there they were, and with no more space assigned than when ladies were half their ])resent size. At length all get wedged in somehow or other ; and amidst serious reflec- tions as to how they would look when they came out again, the Rev. Mr. Truelove said a short grace, and the business of dinner b^gan. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 19 CHAPTER IV. THE PIC-NIC — THE DANCE. We hold that a pic-nic is not a pic-uic where there are well- arranged, tables and powdered footmen to w-ait. It is merely an nncomfortable ont-of-door dinner. A pic-nic should entail a little of the trouble and enterprise of life, gathering sticks, lighting the lire, boiling the pot, buying or stealing the potatoes. It is an excellent training for housekeeping, and affords a favourable oppor- tunity for developing the skill of young ladies, in an art, that as servants go, they all seem likely to have to come to sooner or later, namely, waiting on themselves. Moreover, what one cooks oneself is always much better than what anybody else cooks for one, just as the money that a man makes is always a great deal more prized than what comes jingling in of itself. Our party on this occasion was of the well-supplied order — plenty of everything, and plenty of servants to hand things about. 8ome brought their butlers, because the butlers chose to come ; some brought their footmen to show^ their new liveries ; some their pages to keep them out of mischief. And though thei'e were a few of the usual casualties of moving, such as the salt coalescing with the sugar, and the pickles bursting into the pie, the servants had the rectification of matters, and there was no scrambling foi- plates, no begging for forks, no two people eating with one spoon. All was orderly aud orthodox, plenty of provisions with the usual pre]3onderance of hams, tongues, and chickens. None of the ladies having lunched, no, not even had a bun, there was a very sensil)le difference between their performances on this occasion, and when they come in their gorgeous attire at half -past se\'en for eight o'clock in the evening, to criticise each other's dresses, and interrupt the hungry men in the middle of their mouthfuls. So they competed A'cry fairly with the ruder sex in their perform- ances. Presently a battue of corks proceeded from the curtained corner where the warm Avater jug for the knives was concealed from ])ublic view, and at the glad sound all sorts of glasses were enlisted, from the satisfactory ODcn bell-shaped ones, down to the little narrow froth-catchers, out of which a man gets a taste of the grateful beverage at the bottom. A second salute, if possible more vehement than the first, then set people quite at their ease, and made the shy young gentlemen turn confidently to their partners, instead of looking sheepish, and wondering who was watching them. Ca])tain Lauguisher looked sweet on Miss ♦Snowball, and Miss Nettleworth hung on Mr. dc Breezey's cvei'y c 2 20 /'/. i/.v "/.' i;i xc i.irrs / wonl. Our friouil. Mr. Itiiiitiii!^-, Imviiii; soon satisfied tlio ro- i|uiifinonts of an unripi" a]»|K'titi', |trot'ci'(k'(l to study the judlilc of our fair friond, uudi-r llu- favourahlo auspices of the saiu'y little hat. so dilleivut to tlii> coal-sruttle honnets of former days, that, ivquirtMl a toieseojK' to see to the far end <»f them. Very fair and Iteautiful lie fouml her. A hiiih smi: /;/.V(.A/;7Vs/ lior ilouMo oyo-i:l:isst's :ii ii ctinvi'iiimt aiuTtiire botwoon ^Ir. MaU'nlm .MiilwiiittT and Miss Spimu r, who stood boforo her. ".lust tho way he went on with Miss Hawthorn,'" tlioui;ht she, riibbinu her irlassos on the eorner of Miss Siimicr's h'^ht bhie scarf; "just the way he went on with Miss Ibnvtiiorn ; " aiul Mrs*. Holsterworth felt liow her ''duty"' would eoiupel her to caution Mrs. Mrheruiott against his insidious aihances. Duty is a capital cloak for otru-iousness. Miss Rosa, who dearly loved danciui,^ was equally pleased with her jiartner, and not a little flattered when, at the close of the »puulrille, he claimed her for the succeedinof valse, and then spun lier about in a style very diflerent to the cartwheel evolutions of the younjj gent leiueTi she had been accustomed to dance with in the town-hall of Mayfield. Admiration .lack was a capital performer, and there ai-o few thini; i;i \t; i.irrs!^ Iiis iiak-tnrs rcndiTctl pnidnit ; so that altojicthor. what with M IN. Tnit tics' and his tiwii olVrni-i's. Mrs. IJolstirworth IVlt that she owvd him "oiu'." Arconh'iiudy, Iiavinj; thoiii^lit tlic thiiiii- well oxer in \\rv iiiiiid thiriiii,' thi' iimniiiijx jifU'r our ]>ic-iiic, whoii the card-shcddiiiLi" tiino iif dav arrived, she LTot hi-i' hcst hhic iii()irc-anti(iii(' anii)lili(Ml (•vor her hoo]). and ivpollont crinoliiu-, and, new honnet on head, |«i.>ised herself hel'div the eheval sjhiss as lit company for any one. The (juestion tlien was, who she should uo to first, and what e.xcnse she shonld make t"or uoinu' to anybody. Now 3Irs. Bolsterworth had a veneralilc old .spoon — a tablespoon — that looked as if it mii,dit belong to half the world, for tlu^ initials were almost obliterated, and it was difficult to say whether the indistinct erest was a griffin, an eagle, an owl, or a unicorn. However, it made no matter what it was, because its indistinctness was its merit ; and this old spoon j\Irs. Bolsterworth ])ro])(»sed making the o/irn spsame of people's liouses. To this end, liaving wrapped it carefully up in silver tissue paper, she went forth on her travels, with the pertinent inquiry, " Do you know anybody who lost a spoon yesterday 'r* " on her tongue's-end, instead of the usual luu'kneyed observations about the cliarms of the party, the beauty of the weather, or the calmne.«s of the sea. So she mean- dered along Cockleshell Terrace, Crabfish Court, all round llalli- l)ut Square, and past Floater's Baths into Neptune Place, where the great guns of the woi-ld began to congregate. Our yesterday's friend, ^Mrs. Tartarman, lived here — No. 18 — who, estimated by her worldly enjoyments, ought to be extremely happy, for she had both a Ijarouche and a chariot, with other appurtenances. "With iier Mrs. Bolsterworth had long wished to establish a footing, as well on account of what she had, as because she suspected J\Irs. Tartarman, like herself, had a grievance against Mrs. Trattles. So, on coming to Mrs. Tartarman's door, she determined to try the effect of her spoon. A gentle turn of the ivory-knobbed visitor's bell instantly disclosed not only a very superior-looking footman in green ami gold, l)ut a bulky butler in the background, who. newspajier in hand, advanced a few paces, with an imperious ■' not at 'ome " for the footman to pa.ss on to the ignoble pedestrian inquirer at the door. "Not at 'ome, mem," bowed lilack Plush, with the deferential tone of a man aspiring to the woolsack of butlership, and not knowing who may promote his object. " 0, not at home, isn't she," replied Mrs. Bolsterworth, opening her tortoiseshell card-case, as if she was just going to do the usual and pass on. " Not at home," repeated she, half presenting a glazx'd card to the footman ; "yet stay," continued she, withdraw- ing it from his proffered hand, " do you think Mrs. Tartarman or any of the young ladies lost anything at the pic-nic yesterday ? " PLAIN OB MING LETS? 27 "Don't know, Fm sure, mera," replied the footman. " Do //ou know, Mv. Tapp ? " addressing;' the butler. " Can't say, I'm sure,'' replied Mr. Tapp, advaueino; a little further, thinking- there might be something in it. " Can't say, I'm sure, mem," repeated he : "but if you'll 'blcge me with your card, mem, I'll step up-stairs and inquire." jMrs. Bolsterworth then presented him with the card ; and while ]\Ir. Tapp I'etired, conning it as he went, jMrs. Bolsterworth came into the passage, and took a seat on a double-crested nudiogany entrance hall-chair, to Avait his return — inwardly specu- lating npon whether she would get any further or not, depending, she thought, upon how far the ladies had advanced in their company toilettes. The science of calling has certainly got into very convenient compass of late, and little novf remains to be done save to make a transmission of visiting cards by post a legal tender. As it is, nobody ever expects to get into a house : and half the air of the thing is lost by the sul>stitution of visitors' bells ftir the hearty jioundings the gigantic footmen used to give the knockers. By .loAC, but some of them knocked as if there were no suchthiugsas nerves or headaches in the world. If it was not for the drive, the whole calling custom would collapse, and yet peojile would perhaps remain quite as good friends as before. It's the beef .and mutton that does the business; — not the pasteboard. People all know where their friends live without being continually reminded by their calls. Now, though Mrs. Tartarman was by no means in her at-home attire, having only one of those loosely flowing robes on that look so cool and comfortable as they stand variously ticketed at from eighteen shillings to twenty-tive on the tigure-stands at the putfing tradesmen's doors, yet the sight of ]\Irs. Bolsterworth's card, cou])led with the inquiry about lost goods, made her send her desliaJjiUe daughters off to see if they had got all their trinkets, while she desired Mr. Tapp to show Mrs. Bolsterworth up, think- ing to take sonndings of her while the girls were adorning. Accordingly the rustle of the staircase-ascending petticoats of the yonng ladies had scarcely subsided, ere the rotundity of clothes, of which Mrs. Bolsterworth formed the nucleus, was looming np into the drawing-room. Mrs. Tartarman, though very great in a general way, could con- descend when it suited her ; and this being one of her unbending- days, she rose from her ottoman throne as Mrs. Bolsterworth advanced, and tendering her the two fore-fingers of her gloved hand, motioned her to be seated in an easy chair hard by. "Oh," Mrs. Bolsterworth " wouldn't intrude ibr one moment, indeed she wouldn't — she had merely called at the door in passing, to ask if — " '2i< ri.i I \ < » /,' /; / .V < ; i. /•; 7VS' r Hul MiN. 'rarlaniian w.mKl iiavc lur down hrluiv slio would let hor uo any finilicr. .Nli-s. HolstiTwortli liavini; tlirn iiccoin)>li;dic'd tlio a])]»aivnt ini- jKissibility of irottinjjj into the easy — or to her niu-asy — chair, o /•/, i/.v ('/; i: I .\(; i.iri's (11 \i'Ti:i; VI. Ml!. i;r.\i'i.\i; i.\ iti;i). TOO snsceptililc Ikto, Mr. 15uiitin;inhis elegant sea- comnKUKliiiLT lod< at last acniinjijisjuil that Mi-. l>iiiiLiii_^ thoiii^lit wuiilil l>L> viM-v tollinir. Full of — " With thcc conversing I forget all tinu'." ho thrn tiirnrd out of doors, cndcavoiiriiijj; to ooiifcal his aiixioty and eaiTcr watoliruliu'ss l)V iirctondi'd listk'ss caivK-ss iiidillrrciico. Hut as ho stopped aud chatted, and seemed ready to j^o anywhere with auyliody, he kept a watchfid eye to the west, his heart iR'atiuLT and his ]»idso throhliini; at each appearini; petticoat. And thou«,'h many eame and many met and many passed, still the on'.- majric firele was wanting', and ]\[r. ]iuntin<>- at lenirth returned disiicartened and dispirited to his home. AVhy he had his stroll lor nothing will ajjpcar in the next chai»ter. CHArTKK \11, 3IRS. McDKKJIOTT, RS. MoDERMOTT had now the pleasing pro- spect of seeing her daughter with two strings to her bow, a position that is much more appreciated by the ladies than by the gen- tlemen. We question ■whether any man ever got a wife wlio hadn't had somcother excellent offer, or ■who hadn't neglected some otiiei- excellent prospect, or Avho hadn't been very much admired. Mrs. McDermott, when she thought matters over — how Mr. Bunting had made up to Rosa, how indefatigably he had danced with her, how enraptured he seemed, coupled ■with the not altogether uninteresting fact that he had a large fortune, and that too in possession— felt extremely well satisfied with her day's OAKDE.NER tl'PlD. PLAIN on RINGLETfi? 33 adventures, iuid glad that their house, Privett Grove, wanted painting. Not that she thought of giving young " sivin and four" liis conge\hi\t a Httle competition is an agreeable thing, and flattering. The ladies call it admiration — but the admiration generally ends one way, namely, ])y the best man being accepted. Of course in saying " best " we are now speaking commercially, not morally. Then as there is an old adage " that an (^gg to-day is worth a hen to-morrow," the fact of a man being in possession — not subject to the whims and caprices of the friends or relations of this world — is a very important consideration, and one that always has its due weight. It's an awkward thing when a youth has to please a whole regiment of his own relations with a wife, equally awkward when an unfortunate has to run the gauntlet of a too severely critical set of wife's connections. All things considered it is a wonder how people ever get scraml)led through, to say nothing of the friendly atteutidus of the lawyers, each bent on doing what they call " the best " for their clients — that is, making a case of * Jew versus Jew of a match. Mrs. McDermott thought all these points over, and came to the very sensible conclusion, that there was no harm in Rosa seeing a little of the world before she finally settled for life. Still she was a prudent Mamma, and not at all disposed to press matters on hastily, and as Eosa seemed a little paler than usual after her unwonted exercise, she resolved to keep her quietly at home the day after the pic-nic, instead of following up her advantage on the flags, as many over-anxious ladies would have done. We often wonder that young girls on their preferment, should be so fond of showing themselves, when they are not quite up to the mark. AVe always think they had much better forego the momentary gratification of the dance, or the interview, rather than risk the consequences of making an unfavourable impression. If we might without offence institute a comparison between the fairest of bipeds and the noblesc of quadrupeds, we would observe that no man who knows what he is about will ever show a liorse that he wants to sell after a hard day's hunting, or even hacking on the road. He will say, when a customer comes, that the horse is not fit to show, and into the stable he will not let him ]iass, lest his first look should satisfy or dissatisfy him altogether. So it is with the fair. It is impossible for young ladies to dance and twirl, and talk vehemently all night in the heated atmosphere of a l)all-room, and appear next day with the bloom of youth, and the healthy glow of freshness peculiar only to pure air, gentle exercise, and early hours. Yet show they will, pale, haggard, and weary though they be ; nay, declare they are not in the least fatigued, and quite ready to go to another ball that evening, if they can get. But nature, inexorable nature, will have her own way, and just as we see scarlet-coated young gentlemen ride 1) 34 /'/. i/.v ni: inxai.hrrs? twenty miles to cover, lumt. return, diince all niu'lit, and smoke till it' is time to liiiiit jiL'ain, declariiiLr as tlicy asl(>ep directly after dinner ; so the weary listlessness of ovcr-oxertion will ])revail even in the fjayest and the liveliest thronET, nnd time's relentless graver bejjins to draw those lines that 80 soon separate the ageing from the young — " Soon fades the rose, once past the fragrant hour. The loit'rcr finds a bramble for a flower;" as our poetical friend, ^[r. Bunting, would say. Airs. ^roDcrraott did not risk this sort of thing. She saw that Rosa was not herself, and instead of letting other people see the same, she kept lier (piietly in the cool of the back drawing-room until the heat of the day was over, when she took her by the retired route of i Rosemary Gardens, Park Place, and A^ictoria Villas, up on to tliej Itreezy downs, at the back of the sea-stretching town. Here, amid groups of nursery-maids and ciiildren, flannel-clad cricketers, and small young gentlemen Avlieeling altout in charge of large drill-sergeants, they sat and sauntered about until it was time to return to tea. Meanwhile Mr. Bunting, as we have shown, polished the flags of Promenade Gardens, Bclvidere Terrace, Parnassus Place, all the likely draws where people most do congregate, without a find. Dull and dispirited he at length withdrew to his dinner, hoping for better luck on the morrow, and inwardly upbraiding himself for not having gone boldly to call. CHAPTER YHI. ROSEBERRY ROCKS' REGATTA. People who call Regattas dull and stupid — say they never can make either head or tail of them, see which boat is first, or which is last, or understand what the bang, bang, banging of the guns is for — take a superficial view of the matter, and know little of their merits, in a matrimonial point of view. In fact, they would seem to be invented for the promotion of this particular enterprise, and afford facilities peculiarly their own. In the first place, they draw all people into line, so that pink parasol is easily seen ; in the second place, the spectators are stationary, and a well-selected position is generally free from ol)Sc-rvation, save of those in the immediate neighbourhood ; in the third place, regattas are good PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 35 eyes-right, straio-lit-forward lookinj^ exliibitions that afford no excuse for inquisitive prying and peeping about. All minds ought to be engaged and absorlied in the boats out at sea. Contrast these advantages with those afforded by pic-nics, archery meetings, or flower-shows, and the bahmce of quietude will be found to be greatly in favour of regattas. A pic-nic we have seen, and at flower-sliows and archery meetings there are constant crossings, and, what huntsmen call, " throwings in at head," which disturb the comfort and composure of the scene. These are like the interruptions of a boy to a bird building its nest, which some- times causes it to desert altogether. Young gentlemen especially are liable to get laughed out of their loves. The day but one following our pic-nic was appointed for the second of these nautical exhibitions of the season, and accordingly the morning was ushered in with whole ladders of colours flying from poles, and every conceivable place, looking as if there had been a general contribution of all the pocket-handkerchiefs in the town. All the gay white-sailed stomach-pumps of pleasure-boats — or purgatory-boats, as they too often are — were decked out in their streamers and flags, and holiday symbols. Then lusty amphibious landsmen went rolling and hitching about, persecuting people to buy their programmes of the coming sport, as if anybody was ever the wiser from having one. Towards noon, the starting and winning-posts were denoted by Union Jacks placed upon buoys, and al)Out the same time, sundry dirty urchins began pushing and paddling about in tubs, preparatory to taking part in the sport on an element that they seemed to have very little general acquaintance with. Luncheon, that lady's meal of the day, being at length over — the process of inflation commenced, and presently the wide portals of the mansions emitted whole bevies of beauties who, like the butterflies, unfolded their colours as they got into the gleam of the sunshine. Up went the white, the lilac, the lavender, and at the sight of the well-known signals boaty-young gentlemen and horsey-young gentlemen, and dressy- young gentlemen, and vacant-young gentlemen, began to draw up — hands in peg-top trousers' pockets — from no one knew where, and fall into rank, the right men, it is to be hoped, in the right places. So the whole sea-board soon floated with crinoline, the lightest of bonnets, and airiest of dresses, organdis, brilliantcs, and piques. Then as the bands began to play, and somebody on shore made a signal to somebody a-float, at the bang of a gun on a lugger-yacht, single and double Dollonds and telescopes came out of their cases ready to point against whatever might appear. And who does the reader think did appear at this most critical moment ? Our friend Admiration Jack — Jack dressed within an inch of his life, simpering along as near the fair Rosa as the amplitude of her very pretty broad-sashed blue and white dress o 2 uouM all»»\v. VtTV l)i'aiUifuI she lonkcd. caliii, ponsivc, and ilfinuri', so unlike Mi>»s (JiLTiihtnn, who caiiic lldiiiicin^' and twistini; al)(>ut willi ('a|ttain Oiilc, stariiii,^ in all dirociions to ecr who was lookiiiLT at her. A woman is ncM-r satisticd till sl)e lias paraded a man. Our friend's apju-arance had the clVect of fanninu; the llame of the previous day's |/ossi|», and set all parties lo()kin<>; at our newly-arrived beauty. Some thou^dit her very well — some thought her iniddliuir — some thought nothinj; of her. One lady — Miss Tartey — thouijht she had '^ot a most preposterous sash on. To our friend Mr. Bunting their criticisms were more pertinent and severe. That man was always playing the fool with some one. Mrs. Salter had seen him daiiLrling after ^liss ^leadowbank at JJaden, ^liss (iranite said he had behaved extremely ill to a first cousin of hers, while ^Irs. JJolsterworth observed, that it wouM be an act of kindness t<^> tell Eosa's .Mamma what sort of a man he was. And here mark the merits of a regatta — just as the lu^stile, criticism was at its height, and there is no saying what mischief | might have ensued, "Banc; I'" went a gun on the bathing- machine battery, with such a stunning sound as caused the nervous ones to shriek and turn the current of indignation against the invisible agent who had ordered it to be fired. How could they make such a noise I What teas the use of making such a noise I Reader, that gun denoted that the aquatic amusements were about to commence, an amusement in which there always- appear to lie two distinct and separate interests, those on the water and those on the shore, between whom there is no sort of tie, sympathy, or community of interest. AV^ho there were in the boats we will not stop to incjuire — there were no pretty bonnets — youtlis in shallow-crowned straws, with clay pipes in their mouths, as if to make sickness a certainty — stout ladies eating prawns and enjoying the breeze, in charge of amphibious landsmen, who may be seen wheeling about baskets of dirty linen on a ]\rouday, and a bunch of portly gentlemen in round jackets and white trousers in the lugger-yacht, who siand conse(|ueiitially on deck with, as they think, the eyes of England upon them. Those latter are the great patrons and promoters of the regatta,. men who have put down their lives and their three?, and their twos and their ones, and who call themselves the committee of management, though if they can manage not to be sick that is al»out all they can do. They are just as much in the hands of the Neptune of the place as non-racing stewards are in the hands of a sharp clerk of the course at a countiy meeting. Still they are flattered by the compliment, and, as honest Sancho Panza says, it is good to have command if it is only over a flock of sheep ; so they it is who say when the next ]>.\x(; from the gun is to start alike I he people and the boats, and less we think the promoters could hardly have for their money. The fatties have one advantage in PLAIN OK BIN a LETS? 37 their fixvour — though it is all againbt the briskness of the sailing part of the re<>-atta — )iamely, that there is very little wind, and the too well adjusted boats sail and se]iarate and come toijether again in a very dull uninterestino- way, tlie owners making the same soit of sham struggle that a field of leather plates make in running on the reciprocity system for a town plate or an apoeryjihal vase, with a purse of gold (a five pound note perhaps) in it. But though the boats are off, no one seems to care whether the Prince Consort, Lord Derby, the Sarah Ann, or the Mary Jane is first, the whole thing being merely the means to another end, and the longer they dawdle and flatter and chop and change, the more opportunity they afford the landsmen to "avail themselves of the regatta;" as the French beau said to the lady who ]n-aised her daughter's jjerformance on the piano, " Mademoiselle Delphine a la un bien beau talent," said she, pointing significantly to her as she fingered away ; " Allons, faut avaler le concerto," said the gallant making np to Mamma. And of all the parties who availed themselves of the regatta none were more industrious than our hero Mr. Bunting, who, despite his nautical pedigree, managed to lose three pairs of gloves to the fair Rosa in the first three matches that were sailed. But the stout gentlemen with the worshipful white stomachs are going to change the performance, and at a given signal a score of hobbledehoys begin stripping in a boat in the offing, in a way that but at the sea-side would have a very embarrassing effect. It is wonderful what a difference the locality makes in these Apollo Belvidere matters. If those great naked men we now see proceeding so leisurely from Underdo wn Cliff' to the sea, were to exhibit themselves that way in a secluded wood in the country, there would be such a running and shrieking and sending for 8ergeant Bluemottles, and such a carrying before Squire Lazyman or Mr. Pheasantry.- But because they come down upon the open coast, with a grand sea before them, people think nothing of it : and those fair ladies in the mushroom hats, with their back hair spread over their shoulders, sit as unconcernedly by as so maiiy dowagers in a statue gallery. So again with the fair. What lady would traverse the passages of a house with nothing on but a bathing-gowm and slippers ? What peeping and prying and listening there would be at the door before she broke cover, and what a hurrying and scuttling there would be after she once got away. If she should happen to meet a man she would never get over it. Yet here in the broad face of day, with myi'iads of gazers and regiments of telescopes, they come i)Ut with the greatest coolness and deliberation, and walk un- concernedly into the sea I So much for a " pure mind in a pure body," as the advertisement says — But, to the boys. They go on stripping like the grave-digger in Hamlet, until :w /'/. i/.v ('/; i;i \iid j^aspinLr and spoutiiijr, with an evident desire to be lirst, a boat followiiiir to take up the weakly ones who soon beirin tailinj:, but as tiie foremost boy's own mother wouUhft know that lank head of hair in the water, it, can hardly be expeeted that the eleirant spectators can take more interest in the matter than is comi>rised in the old sayin*; of *' may the best boy win." This secne, like the iluppinof ones, must therefore be classed imder the "araler Ic co/ircrio" ones, and doubtless many of the spectators availed themselves of the opportunity, AVe know one who did, at all events. Last scene of all — the iiantomime of the sea — is the dirty boys in the tubs, a performance that corresponds with the '* make jii scramble events ! make a scramble I " of the mud-larks under thei windows at Greenwich. A dozen dirty boys in buckets and ))arrels and wooden contrivances of all sorts, come paddlin*; and rowioL' alouiishore, upsettinii; themselves and each other in their eajier contests and dives after half-pence. This is the most interesting performance, verifyins: the truth of the saying, that there is nothing so popular as a little excitement in which every one can take a part. Hitherto the fatties have had it all their own way — at least, have thought they had — now all have a finger in the pie, and there is a rushing and running and shouting and screaming and mi.xing of classes quite difllerent to the late orderly, stationary, line-keeping company. But this is not for our friends. Miss Rosa has no ta.ste for the l»oisterous, nor Mr. Bunting for having his neat laijuer-toed boots, trampled upon, so as tiie last group of vociferating urchins go yelling past — some backing Geordey Bacon I others Jiilly Brown I our ladies rise from their seats ; and Mamma, having seen that Miss's lounmre is all straight, gives the approving nod, and forth- with they turn from the receding performance to retrace their steps to the quieter reirions of the west. Then our fair friend and her beau became an object of attention to the forlorn left-at-home damsels. Miss Curling's maid thinking Rosa had " got plenty of sail on hooiver," while Mrs. Broadmeadow's pin-sticker rather stands up for quantity. She wears hoops herself. As women always fall foul of their own sex first, and Rosa's was a face that bore investigation — that is to say, was worth running down, our friend Mr. Jack did not come in for much olxservation until the return trip, when as he was airing some of his poetry apparently much to our heroine's satisfaction, he was denounced as a conceited- looking man, and one that they wondered ^liss Simpers could look 80 well pleased with. They then began speculating upon who he PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 39 was. One said, it was young Sir Sfceplien Sappy ; another. Captain Hubbub ; a third, Mr. Lomio'er Hall. Just whoever they happened to have heard of, and didn't know l)y sight. It takes a longish apprenticeship in a place like the Rocks, with its ever- MR. BUNTINGS ARDKNT AI>MH!ATIOX. moving panorama of company, to be able to pelt a man off-hand with his name as the sages of the Clubs in St. James's Street do. There's Brown, there's Jones, there's Robinson, even before the worthies heave well in sight. But the field of observation is soon to be extended, for the com- l)etitive coppers having caused the urchins to desert their boats, a 40 /•/ .1 /.v ('/; i:i xc i.h'Ts .^ ruuniiiu' scnuiildc taki'K jilai-i' oii sIidix', whicli prosciitly resolves itsoir iiitt» :i iii'iiiral lij^Iit, Itriiitiinu: the cuckcd liatlcd hrowii and •roM-rolK'd niiiiil)K', down with his unlt.ln.ji,li.,l stall", followed hy a snitaMe ninniter of police, het'ore whom the little raj^infd army ilies in dismay to tlu'ir homes. The reiTHtta is over. The lar^e-stomadied ii;entleiiu'M are then released Irom their lalumrs. and conio ashore to dine, with sneii apIK'iitcs as the dip, dip, dippings of the boat has left (hem, Mr. Chonsey ciiarjjinu: ihem five shillimrs a-hcad extra for dinners, as well on aee.uiiit of the threat local event, as because it hajtpened to be the anniversary of tlie day on which the Clown at Astley's was drawn in a tub on the 'riiames by two ,ii:eese. The f^eneral company then distend their crinolin(\ and set sail, some to the north, some to the east, some to the west, wliere oiir friend Mr. l?untin<;-, now in the full intoxication of ardour, was inwardly exclaimini;' as he looked devotedly at llosa, ■■ I'liU many a lady T have eyed with best regard many a time ; The harn](>ny of their tongues hath unto bondage I>rawn my too diligent ej'os ; I'.ut you, oh I you So perfect and so peerless arc created, Of every creature's best.'' And so he proceeded, now a little in advance, now aloniiside the Mainma-guardcd beauty past the formidable li^reen blinds and jalousies of Tromenade Gardens, through whose light barriers no one knew what envy, hatred, and malice, might be lurking : until they met the tide of regatta-returning company in the lutrrower j>ass of Somerset Shore, where the oft-recurring collision of crinoline at Icugtii caused them to tarn and bend their steps to the wider region of Victoria Lawn, on whose sun - burnt grass the g-reen and white band of the Iloseberry J{ocks' Ifangers, was boom- ing and bl(jwing away at the ^lalakhoff Galop. There on its well- trodden space, our friend figured away in such style, that it soon became current that Admiration .Jack was going to be married. And when Iferr Staub, whose real name was Tom Snooks, gave the signal for striking ujj "(Jod save the (^ueen,'' the trio wheeled off to Sea-view riace, whei'e at the door of No. ."), Jack begged one of Rosa's pretty little jirimrose-coloured gloves, as a pattern for bet-ftaying. So ended the famous Kosebcrry Rocks' Regatta — an event that was duly clironicled in the newspapers of the day, but without the great advantage that we possess, of having our narrative illustrated. FLA IX OK BINGLi]TS ^ 41 CHAPTER IX. PIC-NIC NO. II. It is a good thing to be able to leave well alone — to finish with ji pleasant reminiscence instead of the recollection of a liiilnre. Bnt as it is easier to perceive the wrong than to pnrsue the right, the difficulty is to say when is the right time to stop. <-)ur former ]tic-nic had given such general satisfaction — had been so much talked about — praised by those who were present to those who were absent — and the weather, despite Baccoman's daily prognostications to the contrary, seemed so determinedly settled, that little blame could attach to any one for wishing to have another. Indeed, the atmosphere was so clear, and calm, and pure, that it would almost have looked like ingratitude to hint a suspicion that fogs, and storms, and vapours would ever return. It looked as if Alpacas and Silks and Siphonias might be banished with over-shoes altogether. >So thought everybody, ladies included, M'ho, by the bye, are not in general the best judges of weather. Did any of our fox-hunting friends ever hazard the inquiry, what sort of a morning it is to the lady's maid, " in reply to the early knock," without being answered with a shivering '" v-a-a-r-y €-o-old." It's always " v-a-a-ry c-o-old " with them. If, however, they want to get the " Missus" away, then it is always going to be very fine, Xever mind what the glass says, even though it be down to much rain. If it comes and dashes the i'air dresses, so much the Ijetter for them. Ladies shouldn't wear their clothes too long — we mean too long a time, for, of course sweeping the streets Avitli them is a luxury which they must not be denied, to say no- thing of its promoting the same desirable end as the rain. Well, as we said before, it is a good thing to be able to leave ■well alone, but the thing is to know when to stop. Our former pic-nic had been eminently successful, and there was no reason ■why another should not be e(|ually fortunate. The weather — the weather — was the chief consideration, and that was settled for good. — Xo fear about the weather. There Avas nothing to do but beat up f()r recruits. So said Mrs. J\Ialoney to Mr. liounger Mall, who repeated it to Mr. Kcnworthy, who mentioned it at the full tide of Lipscombe's library, and the thing began to move. The ladies all declared there was nothing so nice as a pic-nic, where every one did what they liked without ceremony oi' obligation. X'^ames poured in apace ; then came the contribution of effects, the assignment of pie, and apportionment of hams, and demands i; i:i .\>; i.irrs .^ ail uiisaviiury sewor. willi wliidi ictki-lioiis tliev Luni on their lurls. i'li>se tile (Kmis. ;iiul ntin- to tlu'ir respective apiirLiiieiits. Kosii ami .Maiuiua wi-iil away al>uul the same tiiiU' as l)el'()iv, Miss, mmiifioont in white imislin, witli clierry-culunivd ribhons, ami the prettiest of Kreneh chip lionneis, trimmed with l)()ii(|iiets formed «>f the hlossom of tlie clierry iiitermiiiu;led with the fruit. We an; hap|>y to add. that it set mure over the forehead ihan these ap- jiarently useless articles lia\e lately di- than nsnal, it only raised a pretty parasol, and though the eddyin*; whirl of dust that arose like a dial) spectre on Airy Jlill mijiht have conjured up fears in the minds of the men, it never does for them to exclaim, when the thinly-clad ladies face danger so gallantly. So all went rolling and riding on in merry serene unconcern, toiling up the same hills, creaking over the same downs, gliding down the same collar-easing slopes and descents, over which the reader accomi>anied us on the former occasion. At length Bendlaw Hill is reached, and the I'riory-flag is seen flaunting on the now slightly-stirring breeze in the (listance. 'I'he foremost carriages shoot down the incline, and IJaccoman's looking-glass is again in demand. All is much the same as before — Ijuns, baskets, cigar-bo.xes, bottles, save that a slight murmuring moan resounds through the leaf-ruttied trees. ^Irs. Fothergill, who has just; got herself and (laughters revised and shook out. wishes it mayn't be going to rain. •• Oh, no, ma'am," asserts Haccoraan, "there's no fear of that— never saw weather more settled for fine."" And just as he spoke a large leech-like drop broke on his rubicund nose, as if to contradict him. Another followed, kissing .Miss Spinner's fair cheek. •• Only a heat-dro]i, ina"m — only a heat- droj)," "asserts Baccoman, with the greatest effrontery, though he is going on his heels, with slit shoes, for his corns are shooting most i)ainfully. Carriage after carriage then set down their fair occupants in 'luick succession, and the hilarity of the scene seems to increase with the evident decline of the day. It is fast approaching four o'clock, the most critical hour rudent groom had brought, our friend hurried the ladies down- stairs, and spread it on the fioor for them to stand upon, so ihey were then protected both above and l^elow. Meanwhile, rraslt, hang, crash, goes the roaring reverberating- thunder, /r-h-i-s-h follows the heavy rain, beating perpendicularly, diagonally, all ways at once, deluging the refectory, and at length causing the accumulated body of bubbling water to find vent down the stairs of the crypt. Then there was a rush of gallant-young gentlemen to steya the coming torrent, and Baccoman's coat, and l>accoman's boots, and Baccoman's body are engaged to resist the intruder. At length they succeed in turning the curi'cnt ;icross the court-yard, and th(; fear of drowning is succeeded by a dread of suffocation. Still the storm rages, the wind howls, and the searching rain drives the unprotected servants from buttress to buttress, and from pillar to post, while the unhappy horses stand 4() /•/. i/.v i>i; i:i .\i: i.irrs .' i\voo\\\n* i\\u\ ihickiiii: uiuKr tlu'ir sutnratrd awninj,', shaking' their lu'Jids IIS if llu-y had all i;i>t the iiU'irriins. Hut it is a f^iaiul day for Maccoman, whocU-als out whiskey, nun, fxiii, hoilands, in a way tlint looks very like iin|K'rilliii<^' tho lu-ads of the driiiki rs, and uith them tin-' safety of those i:! their .lelm-itical charu:e. What n droiiehed siirht some of the i^audy footmen present : h((uid ]H)wder jxiurini; down over theii' oars on to their laced eollars, coat-laps remittinjr the rain like peacocks' tails, and the pride of polish wholly oMiterateil from their puffin*? shrtes. Still, if they were to strip and start home naked, there would be a hue-and-cry after them, because the line would be over the Downs — contra, if the race took place alont,' the shore. However, as few of them find their own clothes, and the clothes of those who do will be none the worse for a washiuu;, they stand it out bravely, laujrhinir sit each other, and wouderiuij: what their res])ective " Ikitlers " would have said if they had been cauulit in siicli a storm. At lentjth there is a sadden lull. The powder of heaven's artillery seems exhausted, and a rattling rain descends as if to quench any fallen tire. It beats upon the hard-baked uround with the vijjour of fifty thousand shower-baths. The half-drowned rats of servants then surrender themselves to inevital)Ie fate, and no lonirer court the succour of unsheltering places. The bright green ivy and they get well washed together. The prisoners down in the crypt now breathe more freely, and there is presently a returning anxiety to know how the dresses are — if !Miss ^Merry- ville's bonnet is straight, and whether Miss Witchfield has got any of the green damp off the walls, with which she sees other ladies plentifully smeared, on to her new lavender-coloured silk. A sad day it has been for the garments, but worse for the feet, only as pride feels no pain, so ladies never feel damp, and would be dry after walking through a river — provided the road led to a ball. IJut the extent of the mischief cannot be ascertained until they get unpacked — brought out of the hamper of the crypt, as it were — and at the first report of a gleam of sunshine l»eing visible, there is the usual hun-ying out, that always ends by being caught in the tail-shower. Few people have patience enough to wait till the whole thing is over. This then puts the finishing stroke to the fete, save for those who, like Bunting, could whisper — " With thee conversing, I," kc, of whom, of course, there were not enough to keep the thing open. So, after divers twistings and turnings, and wipings and rulibings and advisings to let it "dry on," it is determined to give in, and hazy-eyed footmen began to call to drowsy-looking coachinon ; and after much confusion of horses, and mistaking of cusliions. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 47 WL'U-waslicd but imdried carriag-es beg-an to take up, into which the compressed crinolines ]iass with much greater ease than they got out. As each succeeding vehicle whips off, Baccoman, like the dying man's doctor, " Takes his lenve with signs of sorrow, Despairing of a fete to-morrow." Meanwhile our friend jMr. Bunting's pocket siphonia underfoot, and careful protection of J\liss Rosa's generous amplitude from the green of the insidious walls, returning her to-day quite as dry and almost as smart as she descended, and John Thomas having early ensconced himself among the beer and the buns in Baccoman's shop, tliere was little anxiety about looking up the pair-of-horse job vehicle that had l)rought them to the scene. 80 they stand eyeing each other and the departing company, Miss, looking at Bunting — " In side-long glances from her downcast eye,"' ]\Ir. Bunting thinking she was the greatest beauty he had ever beheld, and wishing his oak-trees might grow to a hundred feet liigh, and bark be fifty pounds a ton for her sake. At length, and in order not to be last, Mrs. McDermott orders the carriage, intimating that they can take Mr. Bunting home if he likes, which of course he does like. 80 he steps in after Mamma and Miss, amidst knowing nods and winks, and *' that's a case I think," Irom the remaining bystanders. Away they start up the hill. " All is now serene," as the street urchins used to say, or as Mr. Bunting observed, " The sun has lost his rage : his downward orb Shoots nothing now but animating warmth And vital lustre ; that with various ray Lights up the clouds, those beauteous robes of Heaven Incessant roll'd into romantic shapes The dream of waking fancy ! " The dull glazy landscape looks as fresh as a newly-varnished ]iicture : the herds and flocks return to their renovated bite, and the birds shake out their plumage and carol to tlie returning warmth. The cabman alone seems insensible alike to situation and scenery, for he whips and jags his horses along, gathering impetus down one hill to shoot up another, in anything but an accommodating way to his passengers. These gentlemen always think the greatest kindness they can do a ])erson is to drive fast. The consequence of all this unwonted sjjced is, that our friends are at home long before they could wish ; but Mrs. McDermott 4s /•/, i/v <>/; i;i .\(; i.irrs f afroiiumxl.itcs nmttrrs liy [noimsiiii: tli;it uiir hero shoiiUl ])ic-iii<' with tlu'iu. So tlu'iv is an (•.\tfm|>iiriscil dimicr. |i:irtly hot, |i!irlly rolil : jiarily hoiiu'-matlc. jvirtly ^'tit trnm Isinglass's, tlio iiciiili- Itoiiriiiu: roiircctioiu r's ; t»» all of which Mr. HiiiitiiP4 did ani|»lf justiiT, ilniikiiiir it was muk'Ii inoiv rational and comioi'tabk' to sit qnii'tly on a chair, with his charmer by his side, than to s(|nci'/,c into a s|»i(li'r-i'rawlin<;, sky-canopied recess, with a host of ]H'Oi)le he did not want to see. And IJosa, ln-inu' tree IVom the restraint t)t'obsorvini,M'yes, hccomes imu'li nmiv sniilinir aiul coiitich'iiL;', so nmch so. indeed, that wlini at len<(tli ^Ir. Hnntini; took his deparinre. he felt he had iinihinu- to do but propose. And as IVrkcr i»ee])eti at him tiii'ouuii the area railing's, she said he wiis a deal smarter man than Spink, as she called our other friend of whom pt fhaps it is time we were taking some more notice. CirAPTFR X. TIIK IIAIM ir 0|- VKXISOX. Ajioxc the gradual decline of good old Knglisji customs — asking to wine — calling to sec instead of to card — keeping bii-th- days — .sending wedding-cake, and so on, we know of none more rcfrrettable than the omission of the old annual haunch of venison. The others may be looked upon as the »• world's regards That soothes though half untrue ;" iiut there is a fine substantial I'cality about the haunch that adnnts of no mistake. You either get a haunch of venison or you don't ; if you do, it promotes conviviality, just as a pack of fox- hounds promotes sport, and you look backward and forward to it as a sort of mile-stone on the highway of pleasure. People remeralier how jolly they all were at Heartycourt Park, and look forward to being S(j again when the next haunch comes. Guests will res[)ond to a haunch who will sneer at a "saddle," though the saddle may be the better eating of the two. Among the keepers up of the good old venison-sending custom was His (Jrace the Duke of Tergiversation, whose better acquaint- ance the reader will presently make, as the old schoolmaster used to say when lie got a new boy. The Duke had a noble park — fourteen hundred acres of varied grasses — and made a great annual distribution of its produce. For this purpose his Grace's keepei', .Mr. Bagwell, kept a regular table of precedence among PLAIN OE RINGLETS? 4.\) men, so that the people — those who gave Bag the proper tip at least — could calculate ]»retty accurately when the accustomed haunch would come. This enabled them to make their prepara- tions accordingly, see who they owed a dinner to, who was absent that usually came, and consider what new guest should fill the vacant place. Among the earliest recipients of the Ducal haunch, we need scarcely say, was his Grace's banker, Mr. Goldspink ; for though no one really wanted or coveted it less, yet, for reasons already indicated, it was deemed good policy to propitiate him. Ac- cordingly one day as our friend was sitting in his little back den of a sweating-room ab the bank, now conning his interest-tables, calculating money by the clock, now peeping through a hole he had scratched off the white paint in the lower part of the window, speculating on the means of the various passers-by, those he woidd trust — those he would not — he saw Mr. Bagwell's green-and-gold deputy, Mr. Eanger, ride into the market-place on the familiar white pony, with something sticking out of the distended panniers, that immediately struck our banker as destined for him. *' Sivin and four's elivin and sivin's eighteen, and nine's twenty- si vin — do believe that's a haunch of venison a comin' for me — ;xnd fifteen's forty-two — if it is there'll be a deuce of an overdraw next — and sivin's forty-nine — was just going to write to Mr. Acreage to draw his 'tention to His Grace's 'count — and forty- four is ninety-three — its comin' here, however." 80 saying, ]\Ir. Goldspink tinkled his little hand-bell, and told Mr. Scorer, the cashier, to take what was coming, but by no manner of means to let the bearer know he was in. 80 he sat securely in his little retreat, and heard the bump of ut some exception or other taken to each, and the discussion about came to a |)eriod or full stop. '• There's Mrs. ^IcDermott," at length suggested our hero No. 1, whose heart hankered after the fair, more especially now when he meditated a trip to Eoseberry Rocks races. "To be sure !" exclaimed Mrs. Goldspink, "the very people. Be a nice present for them ; " and forthwith she sent the knock- kneed half errand half footboy off' for a basket, into which the Ducal haunch was speedily packed and despatched by that night's- mail-train. And they thought they had managed matters very cleverly, and saved themselves an infinity of trouble and expense. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 51 CHAPTER XI. THE AXONYMOUS LETTER. P to tbis time all hail o'one smoothly and well with our friend Mr. Banting in Sea-View Place. John Thomas now let him in, as a matter of course, and pretty Perker the maid smiled attornment to his coming authority. Miss received him with cheerful cordial encouragement, and Mamma w\ts quite motherly and leave- them-alone-ical. Now, however, we regret to say things were going to take rather a different turn. On the same day that the venison came, came one of those suspici- ously - written letters that would puzzle an expert to say wdiether they are the produc- tion of a man, a woman, or a child, cautioning our fair friends against the insidious Mr. Bunting, and saying that he was nothing but a needy fortune-hunting adventurer — advising them to question him about his castle and his consequence, and to ask him if he knew Miss Ptichley, or Miss Meadows, or ]\Iiss Feather- Avood. This was a poser to Mrs. McDermott, who was most thankful that Mrs. Goldspink mentioned in her letter announcing the haunch that Jasper was coming, so that they might trim the boat accordingly. Mr. Bunting had not come out with the specific words of an offer, so ]\Iamma advised Ptosa to be cautious and retiring, to keep him going on but to avoid coming to the point — that is to say to a declaration. And they looked at the letter again and again, Avondercd who had written it, whether it was any one who wanted him themselves, or some jealous person envious of Rosa. It was very perplexing. £ 2 •M l''(JK MAMMA. 62 / ' / I / v (> i; I! I .V ( ; I. K T a r In thosi> days of woiuU-ifiil sricnt'o and disci ivcrv, when si,u:lis are waftiil on wires '• I'ruiii Indus to the I'dU'," anti the sun eondesccnds to take ]>ortraits as low as a sliillinji: a niinnte. it would be a <,M-eat convenience if ]\lr, Ad(»l|»lie Diddlcr or hidier the lui'smeric somnainliuh'st, or sonic other uroat necro- tnancer. would invent some ])Vocess liy which the hidden tliouu;lits of jtarties nii^irht be discovered and the deeds done in their alisencc made known to them. Then our esteemed friend Mr. Admiration .lai'k would have understood why it was that ^lanmia was more formal and !Miss less confiding, and why instead of the sunny ]>romenade on the gaily thronged esplanades and terraces they ]nvferred a ([uiet walk on to the Downs, and took the unfrc(iucnteil line of Briek-fiold Lane, Ivy Cottage, and Chewcud's Dairy, A\. first, for want of a necromancer to explain matters, our friencf thought they were afraid he was only trifling with fair Rosa's feelings and wanted the tender prop : which he determined to make the very first opjiortunity ; Imt that was just the very last thing they really did want, and ^lamma guarded Jliss against it with the most watchful and careful vigilance. Xo more leavings-alone or getting out of earshot for her. AVhatevcr was said must l»e in her presence and hearing. So Mr. Jack was put upon a sort of half allowance of love, to be restored to the full diet or not according as things might appear. Three ladies he wouldn't suit seemed rather too many, and Mamma thought it would not do to let Itosa be the fourth, especially if it was to endanger her pro- spects elsewhere. However, ^Ire. McDermott thought Mr. Bunting might be made useful in expediting the movements of our young turiite ]\Ir. Oolds])ink, who was not quite so expeditious as the improved celerity of the times would reijuire. Long courtships are not now in favour. So much for the tender passion ; let us now look at the venison. ^luch the same scene took place in the housekeeper's room in Sea-view Place that had been enacted in Sivin-and-four's little back-room at the Bank. !Mrs. Meggison the cook-housekeeper unpacked and exhibited it. Bason the housemaid asked if it was pork, John Thomas replied it was panther ; and when Mrs. McDermott appeared, the first question she put was how long it would keep. Now that was just what perplexed Mrs. Meggison, for she knew that a haunch of venison betokened a party and a party caused troulde, and as she considered that she Avas just as much away for her amusement as her mistress was, she had no idea of being involved in any such complications. So she replied '• that she was really afraid it wouldn't keep very long, indeed PLAIN OR UINGLETS? 53 that it appeared to her quite ready for use, and considering- the weather and the 'eat of the 'ouse p'raps the sooner it was used the better." And as she spoke a great buzzing blue-bottled fly settled upon it and seemed to enforce the argument. " And then as to a party," continued Mrs. Meggison, brushing it away, " we have no dish big enough to put it upon ; nor indeed anything fit to set before company, nothink but the old-fashioned blue and white pattern, and as to a desert-set, there ain't two dishes alike — iudeed I never saw what they call a furnished 'ouse so badly furnished — one with so little in it — in fact there were no pails, nor no pans, nor no peg to 'ang nothing upon, and as to the scullery it was a disgrace to be seen, and the kitchen was very little better, and the" attics were shemful ; " and so she ran on with such a volley of complaints that Mrs. McDermott was glad to beat a retreat at the earliest possible opportunity. It being clear that Mrs. Meggison did not incline to a party, and Avithout the cordial aid of the cook it is little use attempting one, Mrs. McDermott had then to consider what was best to l)e done with the formidal)le haunch. Her first impulse was to pack it up and send it down to her neighbour at Privett C4rove, the Rev. Ur, Wedlock, but remembering what an explosion a haunch of venison makes in the country, she was fearful it might be traced to its proper source and put do\\-n as a mere present of convenience. The same objection held good with regard to Mrs. Surfeit, Mr. Hill, j\lr. Shaw, Miss Stern, indeed all the people in those parts. At last she hit upon a person on whom she thought it would be bene- ficially bestowed, and from whom some equivalent might be expe(;ted in return, namely, IMrs. Thomas Trattles, the champion of our now rather down-in-the-market hero, Mr. Bunting. Accordingly she had it repacked, and putting on a clean card label she dh-ected it to " iMrs. T. Trattles, 25, Seagull Place," omitting the date of the kill, " with Mrs. McDermott's compliments," and told John Thomas to deliver it, who gave a stray boy twopence for carrying it, who forthwith went along bolstering all the boys he met on the road. So, on the principle that beating a beefsteak makes it tender, the Tension would be improved by the operation. Mrs. McDermott was right in her calculations, for as soon as Jane Tongs, the maid of all work, and Mrs. Trattles, had held their inquisition upon the haunch, turned it and smelt it and poked it and giK'Ssed how long it would keep, Mrs. Trattles put on her best fly-away bonnet and new black machinery-laco scarf and came trotting along to make her most grateful acknow- ledgments for it. Mrs. McDermott having investigated her visitor's shoulders from the balcony above, hinted llosa to retire, thinking to pursue her iiiciuii'ies more advantageously alone. So after the torrent of gratitude had subsided and the state of the weather been 54 riAIX Oi: 1:IX(!LETS! iliscussod, Mrs. ^McDonuDtt guided the C(>iiVfr.satii>n anion*]f the jiii'-nirs, (ho jmrtios, thi* i)r(»s|twts of the seascm, iuid the Slate of the Jutseherry Ivueks' lieart market eople want them to say, and ilrs. Thomas Trattles eonld aecommochUe herself to circumstances. At first when she thoiiirht ^Ii-s. ^IcDermott was full of him, she ran him up, then when Mrs. MeDcrmott rather hesitated she " pivc her ])ause," as Hamlet says, when he considers the bare bodkin question in all its bcarin i: i; I .V / ,' /, /•; ts ? will sny, frowniui,', and ruhhiiii,' liis sido with his dhows, just ns if he wt'ie irt'ini; to do violeiicf to his fcelinj^s to ohUj^t' tin* c'nmjuiny. I?iit oner <|iiic'tly (hnvn, with a sulhcient inthicrnu'iit in vifw. and woe lietide the iniioeent who thinks to rise a winner with him. .lohnny knows when to turn the tide of fortune aijninst him, antl always makes sueh an indenture as saves the trouhK" of (•(•minj; aj^niin. He will lay out of his harvest; for months, hut will always have it at last, and i^eiierally a rieh one. His impudenee too is truly deliiihtful. He won't l)e eut, let it> he ever so. *'(), hani>- it, what's the use of shieiuL;; ! " he will say to an avoiding- vietim, running his arm through his, — "what's the use of shieing I IMuek up, and let's have another turn, and see if luck won't serve you ! " So, even though said vietin^ won't have another turn, lie can't say that.Iolmny didn't oll'crhim one. By such a man therefore as ^Mr. O'Dicey, it is no great reHectioii to he "done,"' and small blame will attach to our liero Xo. 1, fot having been picked up by him at the Angel at Ilobberfield liaces, at the outset of his si)orting career. Johnny, who has the best of information, knows who is in jwssession, who in reversion, who in remaindei-, and who in expectancy, had gone down express to make Jasper's acquaintance, and droi)ped in upon him at an Englishman's ''secure hour " (full of cold beef and pickles), and after ringing both coffee-room bells, and storming the waiter, and denouncing the chamber-maid, subsided upon Jasper, by begging the loan of JJeirs Life, which lay beside him for 07ie momcni. This being readily accorded, Johnny hastily conned the advertis- ing columns, and then returned it with a i^rofusion of gratitude, rarely met with in a coffee-room, where grumpiness and suspicion is generally the order of the day. Johnny then again rang the bell furiously, asked if Lord liroadmeadows had come, how long- it would take to go to Spankerley I'ark, with four horses, whether they had any AVhitstable oysters, JJnnstable larks, or Cambridge brawn in the house ; and finally ordered in anchovy toast, with hock and seltzer water. "When the toast came, he declared it was nothing but sprats soaked in brick bust, and ordered it away. The hock he threw into the grate, declaring it was vinegar. Ho then abused the household collectively and individually, and declared the landlord ought to be ostracised. The steam of disapprobation being thus blown off, he then addressed himself complacently to our friend on a few indifferent topics, as if he hadn't the slightest idea who he was, and presently swung out of the room. Such an epicure, so elaborately got up, for Johnny sported a bran new " Forester " shaped Lincoln and Bennett, and was delicately toned down in brown and velvet, to harmonise with tlie colour of his whiskers and hair, could not but excite the admira- PLAIN OE BINGLETS? 57 tion of a coiintiy-bred youth, like our Jasper, who felt flattered by the notice of such a man, and was sorry he had not stayed a little longer. And when he met him the next morninu- in High Street he gladly returned Johnny's familiar nod, and was presently pleased to find his arm through his on his way to the News-room. A few more well airanged casual interviews, and an acquaintance was established. How are you, Goldspink ? How are you O'Dicey ? and so on. Hitherto Jasper's turf, or rather money-making inclinations, had been fostered and encouraged by the Ostler's son, at the Bear and Ragged 8tafP Inn of his native town, who by one of those turf freaks of fortune, that most people have witnessed, had suddenly risen from rags and ignorance, into broad cloth and impudence, to say nothing of rings, and chains, and other the paraphernalia of elegance. To oust such a genius as this required little eflbrt on the part of our friend, who indeed rather sneered him out of countenance than condescended to a regular remonstrance, and at the time of our story Johnny O'Dicey was completely installed in the direction of Jasper's sporting, or rather gambling propensities. The great spread of black-leg-ism making it impossible to buy all backbiters off, Johnny adopted the anti-turf, anti-betting tone, advising Jasper to be wary, cautioning him who to bet with, always impressing upon his mind the sound doctrine, that it is easier to win than to get paid, and rather acting the part of a guardian than otherwise. Johnny did not show much with Jasper in public, preferring to drop upon him in a railway train, or to spend a quiet evening with him in an inn. Railways have made racing wonderfully accessible, and contributed not a little to the gambling — miscalled sporting — propensities of the day. There are fifty " legs " now for one that there was five-and- twenty years ago. So Johnny met Jasper at Exeter, and Manchester, and Malton, and elsewhere, always friendly and admonitory, but never showing the slightest inclination to have any pecuniary transactions witli him himself. Jasper's hour was not yet come ! But it was approaching. CHAPTER XIII. THE TURF. Now that steam has superseded horse-power, and Eclipse himself would cut a poor figure alongside the electric telegraph, it becomes a questiou whether country races are not more produc- fi8 I'LA ly (> i; n i .v ( ■• /. 7^ 7\s ? five ii£ evil than of i^ood. Tlu'V fustcr an t'luinuotis amoniit of knavery ami itlU'ne>s, tn wliieli the iu»hk'8l aiiiniiil is made subservient, and imly jiuL money into the jioeUets of tlmse lor wliKin the pubiie neneraily have little taste, teelin<;', or connnnnity of inteix'st. llaeiiii,' is at best, too, hut an idle luun^inu- pursuit, produeinu: none of the healthful inviji'itratinp: enjoyi'.ient attendant upon sports in \vhieh all eau take a i)art. First little livntlenien in jaekets and leathers arc in convulsions : now Aunt Sally is in tlic aseendant : next drums and clanuini;- cymlials disturb the serenity of the scene, and hollow-cheeked jaded mountebanks dance and shout and pretend to be joyful in all the daylight exposure of paint, tawdry tinsel, and glazed calico. Though the race-horse is a beautiful animal to look at, in all its pride of silken-coated glory, the spurring emulation of the race-course is not to be comjiared to the generous enjoyment of ' the hunter who equally with his rider, partakes of the enthusiasm I of the scene. There is another distinction between the two — you are always cautioned to keep out of the reach of the racer's insidious lash out with one leg, which can break a limb quite as ctlectually as two, while it is well known that a hunter will never hurt a num if he can help it. See how they roll to get clear of a rider when down. "Whatever support the public-house interest may require in other places, in order to keep the landlords' gigs a-going, and their wives in hoops and feathers, Eoseberry Kocks certainly has no need of any extraneous aid, for she is a fine legitimate attraction of herself and an infusion of gamblers, blacklegs, and pickpockets, adds neither to the purity nor the respectability of the place. Yet races they have, and announcements are made with great sport anticipated, and stewards are vic:imised, and money screwed out of everybody and from every available source. And for what ? To encourage our noble breed of horses ? To promote the pastime of the people i Not a bit of it ! They would be quite as much amused with a donkey race. But in order that the gamblers may have a field day and rig the betting lists from one end of the kingdom to the other. As to the interest the people take in a race on account of the owners of the horses, that is a long exploded fallacy, for half the horses run in false names, and no one knows but Captain Plantagenet Gascoine's brown horse Lord Clyde may belong to Bitterbeer the sporting publican in Bermondsey, or ^Ir. Mainwaring Jackson's pretty bay mare Sweet A'iolet to Mr. Arsenic the advertising quack doctor — the " honor- able secrecy " gentleman who pollutes the country with his pestilent lulls. Then the railways, which have done so much in be-winging the world, have lent a hand to racing rascality, for whereas in the olden days of road travelling, a horse could not go PLAIN OH RINGLETS? 59 out of a certain track, ofF a certain circuit as it were : now they can be put into a truck and whisked from one end of the kingdom to the other, and ab'ght whenever tliere is a chance of picking up money, either by winning or losing, for one is oftentimes quite as profitable as the other. And that fact alone is enougli to destroy the interest in a race, for as there is no secret so close as that between a rider and his horse, so though the little gentleman in black and yellow may work and flourish and appear emulous to win, there is no saying but his orders may be exactly the reverse, and at the proper time he will give the gentle pull that enables red and white on the grey to slip in half a-head before him. Then black and yellow will dismount and jump frantically about — ^just like the decoy at the thimble-rig table when he finds the real countryman losing. Dash it I how disappointed he is ! It is singular how the adage, that ill-gotten money never prospers, often seems to hold good with regard to turf matters. Take Robberfield, for instance, where half the people think to live for the whole year upon what they can screw out of visitors for one week, and where everything is charged a guinea — a guinea for a bed, a guinea for a dinner, a guinea for the rooms, a guinea for the stand, until a poor victimised foreigner once declared it ought to be called the guinea meeting. Well, nobody is ever any the better for it ; the money seems to go as fast as it comes ; and instead of the upper classes staying and entertaining their friends as formerly, they fly the place as they would an infected city. Then come the lords of the creation, as they think themselves — fellows from the gaming-honses, the saloons, and the stews, riotons in jewellery — who call themselves by the conveniently indefinite title of the " London gents," and who go swaggering about denouncing the natives, and declaring there is nothing good enough for them in the place — sort of Brummagem O'Diceys. In fact, Robberfield may be looked upon as the grand mart or climax of rascality, where touting and hocussing, and laming and lying, all the misadventures that poor horseflesh is liable to, arc carried on upon the grandest and most scientific scale — the whole place seeming to be polluted ; whereas at the majority of country meetings the imjiure stream only permeates the otherwise healthy population and marks its course as it goes. Twenty, or five-and-twenty, years have made a wonderful change in racing affairs, the wave of the turf apparently having broken, burying all the gentlemen and bringing the mud of the sea to the surface. Formerly the real professional bo<»k-making betting- men were few and far between, who operated largely on their own accounts, now there is a ])erfect myriad of middle-men who advertise their infallible winning "secrets" with as much ingenuity and ])ertinacity as llowland used to advertise his "In- comparable Oil Macassar." Why, if these men really know what <«» PL MX oi: i:i .\(,' i.irrs'^ tlu'V |»rofoss, do llu\v not n'o iiitci tlu' niiiiia't ;iiid iiiiike their own for- tiuios iiistfjulol" oIliTiiii;- to lu'lp otluT jiooplo to niakr theirs. Het- tiii;^, where parties aresiii'e to win, reipiires no capitid, nothinu; hut a inetaHie-peMcilled i)oeket-hook and Llie nsnal stoek of easy inipu- deiieewith wliicii these uentlenuMi art- ^^eni'rallysutlii'ieiitly endowed. Indeed, wiih the exception of small horse-dealers, frllows who will hajjfirle for a month before they will ^ive twenty ponnds lor a horse, and yet who think on the strength of being horse-dealers they may stare and stop any gentleman and ask " what he will take for his OSS," there are few people less dithdent than the small legs, who by confusing the term sportsmen with sporting men (alias gamblers) think there is a sort of freeniasonry of equality that entitles them to button-hole and " how are ye, old boy ? " anybody. Were the exertions of these worthies confined to victimising each other, no one would take any notice of their existence, but they are a growing and a dangerous evil, and one that completely bailies the clfoi'ts of the legislature to suppress them. 80 soon as the hydra-headed monster seems extinguished in one shape, it arises as fresh and formidable as ever in another. The ('onnnission men — " the sporting facts and golden fancies," the back the jockey and not the horse, " the golden secret gratis," &c. adver- tisers — exercise just the same pernicious influence upon the lower orders throughout the country generally, that the silver and copper Hells used to exercise upon those of the metropolis. Kvery person is enal)led and encouraged to what they call " speculate," that is to say, gamble ; and when things go wrong, which they always do sooner or later, we all know what is the consequence. The master's plate goes, the mistress's jewels, or anybody's money that happens to be handy. "We see the results at the police offices every day. Now it can never be said that all this arises from an English- man's innate love for a horse, for ninety-nine out of a hundred of these parties ne\'er see the horses at all ; still less can it be from any interest attaching to their owners, for, as we said before, half of them are running in false names : so it must just be a spirit of gambling and want of excitement that cannot be supju'esscd, breaking out now in Ijetting shops, now in Bride Lane, and which doul)tless, if necessary, would be pursued up in a balloon. It is worthy the consideration of a bran new Parliament, whether the tastes of the people might not be turned to account by the re- establishment of the good old lotteries, when " BiSH and Carrol !!!" with their thirty-thousand-pound prizes, contended n'ith "Day and Martin " for the hoardings of the streets and the dead walls of the suburbs. Then, at all events, if a master was robbed in order that his si-rvant might buy a ticket, he would have the satisfaction of knowing that the rogue had contributed something to the service of the state. "We suspect that gentlemen were formerly much more scrupulous PLAIN OR RINGLETS? Cl about their sportiiio- associates than they are now, and tl)at whatever ■wagering went on was among themselves, and not just with any- body that they thought would pay. Though there was not a tithe of the betting that there is now, it took a wider and more varied range, including carriage matches, riding matches, leaping matches, time matches, and even the apparently intractable subject of a fox-hunt, was occasionally In'ought into account. In the records of that land of sporting, Yorkshire, we read an account how Colonel Thornton received a piece of plate from Sir Harry Featherstone, and Sir John Eamsden, Barts., as a compromise to a bet made in honour of a Hambleton fox. Colonel Thornton, by his original bet, engaged, it seems, for three hundred guineas, p., p., to find a fox at Hunt's Whin, or in the Easingwold country, that after Christmas, 1779, should run twenty miles, the day to be tixed and the morning approved by Colonel Thornton, and to be determined by Sir John Eamsden, or Sir Harry Featherstone, or the company. It seems that the Colonel was as good as his word, for a certificate, signed by five gentlemen, states, that on the appointed day a fox broke off in view of the hounds and company, which fox was killed after a continued burst (there not being one check), by tho ditterent watches, for two hours and thirty-eight minutes ; and the certificate states that the fox ran at least twenty-eight miles I Two hours and thirty-eight minutes ! Hear that, ye Leicester- shire swells, with your thirty-eight minutes I But that is nothing compared to a run that took place at the Boroughbridge ]\[eeting on the loth of March, 1783, on the occasion of a match between the Earl of Etfingham and Colonel Thornton's hounds. Fourteen gentlemen sign a certificate saying, "that the hounds found at twenty-seven minutes past nine, and, except the space of near half an hour taken in bolting the fox from a rabbit hole, had a continued run nntil five o'clock, when they had an entope ; and after repeated views they killed him, at fourteen minutes past five, by the different watches." A " 1^" "' adds, " It was supposed that a greater number of horses died in the field than was ever known on such an occation." No wonder, say we, considering the length of the chase and the hasty-pudding condition of the horses in those days. But if those horses were soft, the foxes were strong ; and with the open country of former days before them, would often tell a tale fatal to the steed. That, however, is getting into the pleasures of the chase, instead of the impurities of the turf, to which let us now return. People who look upon race-meetings like showers-of-rain soit of things, that come of themselves, natural phenomenons of nature as it were, know little of the craft, subtlety, and anxiety i-equisite for getting them up. The canvassing of victims for stewards, the speculations as to who will draw the niost company, the taking of nominations, and the probable destination of the same, to say C2 ]'LAIN on iiix(_i HS llIMSlOl.r. which ])ur])0se he looked up such books as he thought would enlighten hini on the subject. And with very little trouble — for a smattering of learning is easily obtained now-a-days, he got up the heads of a speech, commencing with a little anti(]uity, and then entering upon the great national subject generally, which he laboured away at, as he mistakenly thought in private, without slim ov nu'iismv u> his voit'o. So he went pucini;' up niiuthiM<; nut "iri'iitleiiu'ii " this, ami '' livutioinen " that-, rciniud- iuiT l>is imaginary aiulionci' Ikiw ahs()rl)iiii!; tho Olvinpic naiiu's ^vore, whon IMiihi*, Kiiiu" of ^[aivdon, and llicro. Kiii^- ol' Synicnsc, fontcMidrd lor the jn-i/.e. Ik' then ritish Turf ! That is the rehearsal, tlie readiT will underslaiid. of what Sir Felix is ti'oing to sav. i CHAPTER XY. MR. JASPER (;OLI)SPIA'K. It now required a little management on the part of our fail- friends in Sea View Place to keep matters straight as between the unseen suitors ; but this is just the sort of diplomacy that ladies excel in, and in which they may be safely left to themselves. As already intimated, they had begun to air Mr. Bunting out the l)ack way, an arrangement Avhich, though unusual where parading is generally the order of the day — our •• With tliec convcrsinc^." friend by no means objected to ; indeed rather apjiroved of, and flattered himself it was done to give him every opjuirtunity of cultivating the young lady's acquaintance. A clever woman will keep half a dozen men in tow, each believing himself the favoured one, and pitying the rest. A lady — a lady in the secret at least — would have seen that our pretty friend dimpled her fair cheeks more with smiles when Mr. Admiration Jack and she were comparatively unobserved than ■when they encountered the public gaze, when Miss would bridle up, take space, and seem unconcerned ; but as every woman is a separate enigma, and Mr. Bunting's opinion of himself none of the meanest, he set the reserve of one moment off ajrainst the affability of the next, and took it all to the good. Even when PLAIN OR RINGLETS? C7 Mrs. McDermott talked of a young friend they had coming down to the races, and drew the name of ]Mr, Goldspiuk incidentally upon the iapis, asking our hero No. 2 if he knew him, j\Ir. Bunting replied, with upraised eyebrows and an indifferent sort of shake of the head — No, he " had never heard of him," and turned the conversation back to wliere it was before. Hear of him and see him too, how- ever, he was now about t(j do, and as our readers Avould perhaps like to have a look at him too, we will now introduce him to the public generally. Mr. Jasper Goldspiuk, or ]Mr. Goldspink junior, as he might with greater advantage be called, was just twenty-three, a much more manageable— catchable age at least — than Mr. Bunting, who, in boarding-school parlance, was an old man of thirty with the experience of a man of forty. Though one would not expect much from the son of old '' sivin-and-four," yet with the in- •estimable advantage of youth, coupled with the polish our friend Mr. O'Dicey had given him, through the medium of that prince of decorators, Mr. Selvage, whose little back shop, hung round with the " old masters," is so suggestive of liberality and sixty percent, discount — young (:ioldsi)ink was now a nice, plump, fair-haired, middle-sized youth, with if not an exj^ressive, by no means an unpleasing countenance, and manners as good as those of the majority of mankind, when to be as unmannerly as possible seems to be the order of the day. Talk as we will about our superior refinement — it is a good deal coat and waistcoat refine- ment. We are not half so courteous or encouraging to strangers as the •old school, whose first object was to set every one at ease, and who did not wait for an introduction to proffer a smile and a bow. What gentleman of the last century would come swinging through n held-open door without making the slightest acknowledgment, as we see parties doing at the clubs every day ? That, however, is j the getting into the dancing and deportment line, our business is with the high court of Cupid, whither let us now repair. Were it not that every day's experience shoAvs how people are often talked into matrimony, and that Rosa's experience of life Avas very limited, one would have thought that some one whose appearance was more opposite to her own would have taken her young fancy ; but then those conti'asts are not to be procured in the country — another proof of the advantage of coming to a place; like the liocks, where all sorts and sizes of men are presented to the unsuitcd. So, if affairs matrimonial are regulated on the rule- of-contrary principle — dark men liking fair maids, and little ladies })referring tall men — our friend '^\v. Admiration Bunting's dark hair and superior stature would operate as a set-off against Mi'. Ooldspink's better ascertained metallic properties (;s I'LAix ci: in xa Li'JTii'f TluTC liowcviT Hh" reader bus tliein Ixitli. and now ]\raiiimaninRt Ik.' left to inano'nvre tlieiii according- as the liaroineter of riches seems to iiieline. At jireseiit tlie new-comer had rather the ])ull. as the raeini;' ]icopIe call it, in his favour, consefiuent upon the sus- picion that, had been thrown on Mr. Huntinn's ]H)Ssessions. On the nuirninLT of ^Ir. (ioldspink's arrival, our poetical friend haviuL;- had his usual iiye-way ])romeuade up liaveiuler Lane, (Irecn Court Terrace, and so by Prospect Place into the Larkfield Downs, was dismissed for tbe day, with an intimation that the ladies would not be at home in the evening, and took his dejiarture with the same confident security with uhich Mr. (ioldspink rang the door bell about an hour afterwards, .lohn Thomas smiled a welcome greet- ing when he saw their country neighbour filling the portals of their sea-side mansion, and forthwith motioned him to enter without waiting for any inquiry as to whether anyljody was at home or not. And !Mr. Goldspink liaving deposited his hat and hunting-stick — last souvenir of the disagreeable chase — on the entrance hall table, as if he had come for a sit, followed the noiseless servant nj) stairs and was presently nshered into the sun-obscured back drawing-room, where tbe lovely Rosa was reclining, Punch in hand, in the glorious amplitude of a well got-up blue and white tai-latan nnislin. Never having seen her with her plainly dressed hair, our suitor did not at first recognise her in the gloom of the apartment, and made her a bow, thinking it was some young lady on a visit ; and it was not until Rosa advanced with a friendly hand to greet him that he saw his mistake. He then gladly coalesced, and was presently in the full swing of country cordiality — more than it would have done Mr. Bunting good to see. In due time, a liberal ten minutes or so, .Mamma came sidling in, all smiles and graciousness, as if she never thought of admitting any rival near his fair ; and after due inquiries respecting Papa and. Mamma, and the Wedderburns, and the Holleydales, and the »Simeys, and asking how things were looking in the country, Mrs. McDermott gradually contracted the field of speculation, and asked Jasper how he thought Rosa Avas looking, and how he liked her with her hair in bands. And then our hero related how he actually didn't know her at first, and then having taken a refreshing stare, he began doubting whether he didn't like her best in ringlets : he wasn't sure, but he thought he did. Yes, he did ; and then Mamma took the plain side, and so it became a question of " Plain or Ring- lets ? " for a time, till something else usurped its place. Wlien John Thomas descended l)y three steps at a time into the lower regions, after ushering our hero up stairs, there was such a scuttling, and laughing, and laying of heads together, and wonder- ing " how it would Ije." Faii-play or Stirling, or Barker and Mar- shall — any of the betting fratei'nity — might have made a book upon the event. It had been generally thought by the household,. PLAIN Oil RINGLETS? 69 that our fair friend bad cried oft' with the old love before she bef:;aTi with tlie new. Now things assumed a ditterent aspect. AVhicli would it be ? was the (juestion. There was evidently competition. Mrs. Meg-gison, the cook, still thought it would be 8pink. "■ Slio didn't know why, but she thought it would be Spink — a neigh- bour's bairn you see." Miss Perker, Rosa's maid, who had been most judiciously complimented by ]\Ir. Bunting with a very pretty pink satin scarf, inclined towards him. " She was sure, if she had her choice, she knew which she would take. Spink hadn't half the blandishment of Bunting." John Thomas was almost neutral — didn't know which to think — and Jane Towel, the next door neighbour's housemaid, who had stepped in to take a surreptitious tea, having only seen Mr. Bunting, could not give an opinion. So the down stairs' debate was adjourned. Meanwhile our friend Jasper had his family dinner, and his family walk (a retired one), and his family tea, and altogether felt like one of the family. At length he took his departure, after making his racing arrangements with them for the morrow. And Mamma and ]\Iiss then talked the two gallants over, Mamma thinking it would be well for Rosa to keep back a little, — at all events not to show any decided preference when they were to- gether — an event that there seemed little probability of averting. If Mr. Bunting had the fine castle and all the money Mrs. Trattles talked about, well and good ; if not, Mr. Goldspink would be ex- tremely well off, and there was no doubt the Duke of Tergiversa- tion and the old gentleman would get agreed sooner or later for the estate our banker wanted to buy, and so enable him to build a house in the country — so that either way. Miss would be very comfortable — with which agreeable conviction Mamma and Miss retired to rest. TO rr.iix on i:i \<; i.ets'^ CHAT IKK XVI. ItOSEBERRY ROCKS llACK-COURSK. — JACK AKD JASPF.R. — TllKY LOVE ANM> DRIVE AWAY. soiiu't i iiies think the elements are tin favour- al)le to liae- ini^. Whe- ther it is til at the lliinsey na- ture of peo- ple's attire — the silken jackets and iper boots 1" the jockies, the <;auze and .iiossamer of the ladies, so pretty in sunshine, so futile in showers — makes one more than (iidinarily susceptible to the slightest variations of the atmosphere, or whether it is that so much ruinable finery is too great a tempta- tion for Jupiter Pluvius, we know not, but there certainly often does seem a disposition to give the milliners the benefit of the day by watering the silks and drenching the assembly. How seldom an Epsom, for instance, is got over without some tremendous descent. Jf the weather has been ever so fine pre^■iously, it is almost sure to change about then. 80 soon as the adventurous travellers get well away from their homes, and a delicate coating of dust has permeated the garments, peacocks begin to scream, donkeys to bray, dust to rise in corkscrew eddying curls, and the whole face of nature to give these unmistakcable yearnings for drink that a sot displays as he sneaks round a street-corner to get into the splendidly illuminated gin palace. Then more screams, more brays, more dust, and great spattering drops that beat like shillings as they fall, are the prelude to tlie disastrous rain that with all the aid of heads up and umbrellas hoisted, just damages the finery sufficiently to make it finery no more. And the curious contortions of ribbons, and flowers, and gauze, called by courtesy, AN INITIAL MFFICI I PLAIN on lilNGLETii? 71 bonnets, are reduced to tlie value of as many pence as they before represented pounds. If racing was brought home to ewvy man's dooi-. as was attempted some years since on the present site of Xotting Hill, hoAv few people would be at the trouble of going to them. A ([uiet walk in Kensington (iardens or a penny or twopenny seat in the Park, Avith the aristocracy of England paraded before them, would be considered a Tnnch better thing. It is the out-ing from town, the fun of the rail or the road, the feasting, the fresh air of the downs and the heath, above all, the " once-a-yearjish-ness " of the thing that keeps the great meetings popular. Nine-tenths of tl;e visitors know nothing about the horses or their owners or their riders, or care to confuse themselves about the odds on animals that may be running to Avin or lose just as it suits their owners' pockets. Epsom, too, generally inaugurates summer, for however many false starts Dame Nature may make with her mis-called springs, it is seldom much before Epsom that there is any downright genial outburst of warm that sets tilings a-growing almost perceptibly, and does in a night what spring has been nibbling at ibr a month. Then the cattle get a full bite of rich succulent grass, and lilacs and laburnums, and pink and white thorns — all the flowering tril)e — mingle their rich hues with the clean newly-burst foliage and the golden-tipped grateful evergreens, that ha\"e helped us so handsomely through the winter. How trim and nice and comfort- able all the villas, and houses, and parks, and places look as we pass them in quick succession, each containing a little world of its own. Between Epsom and Ascot there is a good interval which is generally iilled up with broken umbrella-ish sort of weather, better for tnrnip-sowing than for sitting in the park, which generally clears itself off with a good blue sheet-lightning thunder-storm, and a copious warm rain at the races, which finishes the pro- clamation of summer, after which people may safely come up from the country with the certainty of not wanting fires. To those who make an annual sight-seeing visit, this is decidedly the best time, a month of fine weather being far more available than six weeks of broken alternations of sunshine and showers. The road to Itoseberry Rocks race-course does not exhibit any great amount of rural or floricultural beauty, whatever it may say for the enterprise of the dairy-farmers, who, with the aid of that great benefactor "muck," succeed in raising heavy green crops on as unpromising a looking staple as that of the sea-shore itself. Neither, whatever mischief it may lead to, can it be said to possess the '■'faciiis descensus Averni'" quality, for it is extremely difficult to get at, being up a very steep hill, to which a hired-by-the-hour- llyman considers it necessary to pause, and block his wheel once 72 I'LAiy on Ul St! LETS? or twice, if not to case liis animal by takiiiu; a short walk liiiiisclf, thoujrh the jol>t,^entleman ueiierally trots, angliiiu; the severity of tlie rise r.s he ^oes, thus jiertormiiii^ two joiiriiies to his rival's one. Thanks to the able leuislation of ^Ir. Fitzroy, the London cabman has become a model both in the ways of charges and civility for the country one to follow. The summit of the IJoseberry Kocks'' ^Mont IJlanc being at length attained, a goodly scene bursts upon the view. To the south is the pure glittering sail-dotted sea, next the clean, white stuccoed town stretching extensively along the e(|ually white dills ; then the circular green course, with its handsome stand, and distant white posts ou the brow of the hills, standing in bold relief against the clear blue sky ; anon the sheep-dotted downs, backed by the flourishing woods and enclosures of the vale. One almost feels it a pity that so pure and healthful a place should be polluted by the scenes that occasionally take place upon it. Still, if there is a breath of wind stirring it is sure to be had there, and many have been the ejaculations and regrets of the iair after toiling up the sun-roasting hill, at not having brought " something- warmer " to brave the breezes of the heights. On this particular occasion rude Boreas Avas more than ordinarily boisterous, and having a great breadth of petticoat to play upon, there was a corresponding inflation of Crinoline, many of the fair ladies on emerging from their carriages at the stand l)eing driven })ast theii' port like peacocks with their tails up on a windy day. Itailways which have condensed our cares, have condensed our pleasures too, and taught us that novelty and not repetition is the true source of enjoyment. Hence, race-meetings which used to be elaborated and attenuated over a whole w^eek, sometimes enlisting the Sunday at each end into the bargain, foi" the purposes of the publicans, have gradually shrunk into half their proportions, and yet there is seldom more than one day kept up with anything like interest or spirit. People find that railways enable them to shoot out far away, see friends they had rarely met, and visit places they had only heard of, instead of being doomed to the perpetual horse- in-the-mill lives that their forefathers led. Even at our particular watering-place, where pleasure is the real lousiness of life, with the race-course so near as to lie only a walk or shilling's worth of fly, ])eople think one day quite enough, and some disdain even that. Of course, the show-day is the one upon which Mr. Shiney, the silversmith, shares the prize with the winner in the shape of a classical design for some extremely out-of-the-way appendage that a noltleman might be puzzled to ])lace, let alone a man w-ho perhaps hasn't even a three-legged stool to put it upon, an inconvenience, however, that Mr. Shiney is always ready. to rectify by taking it back at the price of old silver. Hence what is most attractive to the company is the least so to the turfite, who thinks the chaste PLAIN on RINGLETS? 73 design of golden sovereigns is far better than any model the old masters can supply. It was on the memorable Cup or rather Candelabra day of the Eoseberry Rocks races that our two heroes first met in ]Mrs. McDermott's back drawing-room in Sea View Place, the meetiug arising in the following manner : Mr. Bunting had been duly aired out the ])ack way in the liopes of satisfying him for the day, and inducing him to leave the coast clear for a " youug friend wdio had come from their neighbourhood in the country to sec the races." But Mr. Bunting having, quite unintentionally, — for he was on far too good terms with himself to think sucli a thing as a rival possible, — put the ladies into a flutter by dwelling rather too much on the announcement ; making them think he knew more than he really did, " Mamma,'" who was a skilful general, thought it best to parry the point by accepting the double escort up to the course. So Mr. Bunting returned himself at 2*20, as the railway people say, just in time to see ^Ir. Goldspink fingering ]\Iiss Rosa's pretty pink and white tarlatan muslin dress, in a style of familiarity that he didn't altogether approve of. " Con-iij\x\\(\. him, he's no boy," frowned our hero Xo. 2 in return for the " off-hand " sort of salute our hero No. 1 accorded him on the introduction ; Mrs. McDermott having judiciously hinted to Jasper that the gentleman coming was merely a chance acquaintance, of whom they made a convenience. " He's a cool hand," thought Jasper, conning the stranger's airified manner, and the at-home sort of way in which he lounged about the room. He did not seem to recognise Jasper's conse- quence at all. "He's no beauty," thought jMr. Bunting, taking a complimentary glance at himself in the mirror as he passed onward through the front drawing-room to the window, irom whence he emerged into the balcony and took an unconscious survey of the sea. He Avondered who the deuce the fellow was. Hoped he didn't think of going with them. Yet still he seemed to stay. Would see if he could make it out. * * -,:• -k * % "Well, it's about time we were going," observed ]\rr. Bunting, returning and speaking as if he conunanded the Crinoline. "Is it ! " replied Miss Rosa, rising and circling away to get on her finery — giving Mr. Bunting one of those assuring glances with which a clever woman will hold half a dozen men in tow at a time, if an honest man, struggling with adversity, is a sight for the Gods, surely a pretty girl playing two youths oil" at once, is a sight worthy of society, and such is the delicacy we purpose setting before the reader. Mannna presently ff)llowed, feeling assured there would be no comj)arison of notes between the gentlemen during her absence. 74 ri.Aix III: i;i.\<; i.irrs? So slic clost'd tlu' (lotir u|ion thoiii, iiiul lior li^liL font-fall was pivsontly Ja-anl overhead. Tlie two i^eiilleiiieii then sat, siirveyin.u" their leet and their hands, as if neither thought the othei' worth notice. Kaeh however wished the other away. " Hecn here lonjr r " at length drawled .lack, thinkinii- to sound .lasper. ".lust come," vawiied dasper, as if he was thoruuiijhlv tirrd of Jack. " Hi/»i])/i '' snorted .lack unused to such shortness, and this from a poacher too. He then sat looking at .Jasper's double ciiin and dumpy legs, thinking what a beauty he would be at forty. Admiration .Tack wondered who .Jasper was — where he came from — what he meant by sitting there like a great bull-calf — how it was that he had never heard of him before. It was very singular. It really looked as if he meant to go to the races. In fact, .Jack had no doubt he meant to go to the races. Then he recollected that Mamma mentioned their young friend had come to see the races. That Avould account for his coming, and .Jack felt rather more amiably disposed towards him. Still he would like to know that he was not to be troubled with his company too long ; a passing bore he might put up with, but a permanent one he couldn't endure. So .Jack looked round about the room, and up to the ceiling, and then at his watch, as if for an idea, and at length poked the pertinent (piestion. " Stay long ? " with an air of indifference. " Don't Icnow," replied Jasper, wondering what business it was of i\Ir. Bunting's. '* Long as it's agi'eeable p'raps," suggested Jack. ".Just so," responded .Jasper. " Nice place," obser^■ed Mr. Bunting after another pause. " It is," assented Jasper, thinking it would be just as pleasant if Mr. Bunting Avas away. He then drew ]\Iiss Kosa's " Present from Itoseberry Bocks " work-box towards him, and began tumljling, and fumbling, and mixing its contents. "Impudent dog," thought ]Mr. Bunting, " iJicd Ioj- ismine^' — (Mr. Bunting had helped liosa to wind the reels of blue and yellow silk that Jasper was now winnowing through his fat fingers). Jasjier then touched the invisible sjmng in the lid, and taking out the little' looking-glass, began examining his teeth, and his whiskers, and his stupid face generally. Better have a bason and water thought ]\Ir. Iiunting, eyeing the operation ; when to show that he was equally at home with himself, he arose from his seat, and making for the mantel-piece mirror, proceeded to examine his Avhiskers, his collar, his watch ribbon tie, and his upper man generally. Miss Eosa's beautiful mother-of-pearl musical box being on the ledge, he then deliberately wound it up, and setting it a-going with the venerable Rory PLAIN OB BINGLETS? 75 O'lMore, returned to the balcony, leaving Mr. Jasper in the enjoyment of the music, or the noise, whichever he considered it. "Dash him, but he's an impudent fellow that," thought .Jasper, eyeing -Jack's retreat, Avhereupon Jasper returned the little glass to its pink-wadded case, and heaping in the goods as if they were so many potatoes, placed the work-l)ox in the position in which he had found it. He then threw himself listlessly in his chair to listen to the tunes he had so often heard before. Ere the box had run down, the side door opened, and Miss Rosa .sidled in, with the self-satisfied smile of a good " get up " on her conuteuance. In truth, she was expensively dressed, though whether the rich rustling lilac-coloured silk in which she was now enveloped was an improvement upon the pretty muslin in which our friends fouud her, is a question upon which ladies and gentle- men would most likely differ : ladies generally going for the gay and grand, gentlemen for the simple and becoming. However, there she was, and, as in duty bound, Ijoth gentlemen admired the dress exceedingly, praised the bonnet made of a gauze to match the silk, and envied the pretty pink roses within their propinquity to the fair face. And Miss received their compliments with a laudable balance of smiles that would have puzzled a chaperone of twenty years' standing to say which w^as the favorite. In the midst of their laudations, in came the keeper of the conscience, Mrs. ]\Iamma, who, after surveying Rosa all round, and very round she was, and telling her she must be careful how she got into the carriage, proceeded to ring the bell ibr the vehicle. The compliments meanwhile passed into the old course. Mrs. McDermott having chartered .Joshua Buckletoiigue's newly lone up cane-sided landaulet. so provokingly smart that it might be taken for a private one, which is just the very thing the hirers of job carriages generally wish to avoid, there was room ibr our beaux inside, and Mr. Banting having handed and tucked the voluminous ladies in, proceeded to ensconce himself in front of liosa, leaving IMr. Ooldspiidv to follow and take up his position opposite ^lanuna. John Thomas, having then carefully closed the door on the bulging crinoline, mounted the box, taking good care of his stockings, and at his nod the driver, with his half dirty berlins, got his horse by the head and procecided to cut away to the course. Off" they went with a jerk that nearly sent the gentlemen's liats into the ladies' laps, and they were ])resently worming their way among the multiiarious vehicles and flights of equestrians that enliven the drive at this the witching hour of day. Every l)ody as usual was on the move, some on foot, some in carriages, bound for the course, some for the shops, others for a crawl along the shore, some for — they didn't know where. The day as shov.-n by the sea, however, was now nndergoing a change. Instead of a smooth glassy surface, cold I'uflling I'reezes 76 /'/. .i/.v (>i: inynLETS? Jlittod quii-kly uwr, and licavy rullini,^ swells pressed onwards, breaUinL;- in fj:reat yawniiii;- lethargy waves against tiie shingly sliore. The enteri)rising marine landsmen, wh(im no amount (if hounty could coax into the navy, looked glum, passing ninno- syllahieal words to each other, dei)recatory of appearances, and tlieii trying to tempt the unwary into their boats, under the delusion that it was "a line day for a sail." And, when in rei)ly they got a reljulf, they *' blowed the races,'' and wondered what people could S(>e in such work. " Nothing like leather " was not the motto for them. ^leanwhile our pleasant party jolted on, each thinking how much better it would be if there were only three. ]\lamma sat eyeing her competitive sons-in-law with a comlurtable conipbu-ency, wondering which would be the happy ring-l)uyer — mentally placing Jasper's well-ascertained wealth against !Mr. Bunting's superior manner and apjiearance. Still, if Jiunting had the castle, and all ^Frs. Trattlcs said, there was no saying which might be the man, and the more she thought about it the more undecided she was, and the greater dread she was in of making a mistake. A woman generally thinks she gets the wrong one whichever it is. Mr. Bunting finding that he bad a long way the lead of Mr. Jasper in the matter of small talk, plied away his poetry and his pleasantries, while Jasper leant moodily back eyeing the beauty, and feeling satisfied that his money would carry him through. Money was a grand thing he had always been told, and he fully believed it. Who was this ]\[r. Bunting, he should like to know. A mere idle dangler, he'd be bound to say. Just the sort of man for ladies to make a convenience of. And he looked at Biuitiug as if very little of his company would satisfy him. A sudden turn to the left presently cut our turfites out of the quiet-going current of society, and brought the old horse to his bearings against the collar. The ascent of Mont Blanc then commenced. The dash of driving was over, and the toiling one- horse travellers had to undergo the humiliation of being passed at a trot by the " pair oss powers," while they in turn were eclipsed hj Shadrac Absolam, the hook-nosed keeper of the Turkish Saloon and Oyster-rooms, who with a select party of cigar-smoking Israelites dashed past in a yellow barouche-aud-four with dirty merry-Andrew-looking post-boys, whipping, shouting, and spurring as if they were trying to catch an express train ; tu-fi-i-sh.' what a (hist they raise as they go, and how complacently the Jews loll with their great arms over the sides, like half-druuken sailors on u spree. The contortions of people unused to carriages are \'ery amusing. Cutting a dash up-hill, however, is at the best a sorry performance — an attempt that had better be abandoned for more favouraljle ground. So thought the majority of our pleasure- seekers, and straining, and coaxing, and cracking, and quartering I PLAIN on RINGLETS? 77 became more the order of the day than cantering". Even wlieii the acdivity was accomphshed, there was no room for the pantinii" posters to recover their wind and make a run in, so carg-o after cargo were deposited in a very sedate bathing-machine-hko way. But if the horses lacked wind, the downs were well supplied, and augry fitful gusts now swept over the unprotected open, increasing in intensity with eacli fresh attempt. The wind soon began to tell. The Union Jack on our " Hie ot ubique " friend, Mr. Baccoman's marine villa, as he called his tent, was the first to go floating and sweeping, and rising and sinking along the flat, followed by an applauding pack of boys, all anxious to aid its escape, until it caught itself against one of the white rails of the course. Scarcely was its capture effc'cted than the blue and yellow flag on the Hanibletonian and Diamond tent followed suit ; next half the red pennon went off the Fox and Hounds' Pavilion ; when old Boreas, as if angry at not effecting his full purpose, took the rotten canvas suddenly in the rear, and with a well-directed whisk, .sent the whole concern flying in the air, leaving the jolly topers exposed in a sort of cage resembling the framework of a lady's Crinoline. People then saw the storm was something to care 78 / ■ /. .1 / -V < ' /; /; 1 -V < ; l /•; ts f about, and rorihwith (Ik-iv wasa ninuiini' to the lH'ir^^, and ti,ulitcniiii>^ of roprs, and short i-nini,' of sail, and hanh'nu; down of ensigns ; while the rival owners of the two fattest boys nnder the sun, fraternised witli their respective earavans, lest they should both lie blown away touetiier. Roar, blast, roar ; went the wind, keen, sharp, and drivinu', silencing the drums and trumpets of the shows, retiring the troops, and sending the acrobats, Ethio])ianP, organ-grinders, monkey-masters, and Aunt Sally-men, here, there, and everywhere for shelter : while the card-sharpers, and thimble- riggers plied their games in out-of-the-way places, free from the noxious ken of the inquisitive police. Amid this aerial conflicr,, the carriages continued to set down in lung-drawn iile at the back of the Stand, and after a series of those little pitching stoppages and short progresses, that announce a near approach, the blue- armed hand of policemen at the door-handle at length arrested the further progress of our friends, and the clanging of the iron steps invited their descent. John Thomas then jumped down from the box, and holding his hat on with one hand, he assisted the descent of the Crinoline with the other. As people always think thei'c is more snow falls at their front- door than anywhere else, so the troublesome wind always seems to touch our nobility more than any one else, and certainly on this occasion our fair fi-iends had good cause to complain of the manner in which they were met at the Stand, and, with the aid of their hoops, nearly blown up into mid-air. But for the prompt vigilance of Mr. Bunting, avIio saw by other alighters what was likely to happen, there would have been inevitable discomposure of the rayment ; but Mr. ]>unting having very judiciously taken !Miss Rosa's flounced parasol, kerchief, and bouquet ere she attempted to alight, he popped out of the carriage, leaving her with both hands at liberty to steer her voluminous dress, and then secured her on his arm as soon as her taper foot touched the ground, leaving Mr. (loldspink to perform the same good offices for ]\ramma. Mr. Bunting then pressed on through the passage- obstructing crowd, crying, *" ^Make way, please ! — make way ! " with a wave of the hand, that as good as said, " Please look at me and my astonishing beauty I '' And forthwith the hurrying, draught-sucked ladies took furtive glances over their shoulders to see wdio was coming, each aspiring belle inwardly fearing she was going to be eclipsed, while the miscellaneous assortment of men — all, however, alive to the charms of the fair — winked and nudged each other, declaring Rosa was a clipper, and wondering how it was that Admiration Jack always got hold of sticli pretty girls. !^^amma and jolly Jasper quickly followed, benefiting by the sensation caused by ^liss Rosa's appearance, and picking up the comjiliments lavished on her as she passed. How glad i\Iamma was that Privett Grove wanted painting I PLAIN on RINGLETS? 79 CHAPTER XVII. THE RACES. HE ascent of the gently rising stair- case being presently accomplished, our friends ushered themselves into the conservatory - lo o Ic- ing state room of the Stand, with the comfortable seven- and-sixpenny sort of feeling of indepen- dence that distin- tinguishes public from private assem- blies, and then pro- ceeded to recon- noitre the scene. It was a spacious room, light, lofty, and gay, with a marvellous variety of bonnets ; for de- spite the " AVorld of Fashion," and the other arbiters of taste, there was not the slightest similarity or affinity among them, some being in chip, some in crape, some in straw, some in silk, some in satin ; some garnished with fruit, some with flowers, some with feathers, some with beads, some with fruit, flowers, feathers, and beads. So, as it is said that there are no two human faces alike, it may also be said tliere are no two Ijonnets alike. The dresses, too, were as various as the lionnets, with a laudable desire, how- ever, to harmonise in colour, instead of heaping on all tlie extremes, which used at one time to distinguisli the p]ngh'sh ladies from the French. So much floricultural elegance ))eing ill-calculated to resist the fury of the wind, tlie ground-reacliing windows were kept down, and the graduated scale of race-seeing steps on the l)alcony outside were deserted. Ladies ])romenaded up and down the room, showing that, how various soever their di'osses might be in texture or in colour, they were unanimous in being as much like bell-glasses in shape as possible. The promenaders of course so /'/,.! i.v oi: i:ix<,' urrs .' wore the oi)cn or ilisoiiiraLrL'iI oms. those who liad littl.' alVairs in haiul eonj;rcf:;atiiiu: in .groups uiuler thf proteetion of Maiiuiias or married sistei's, for the others to say of the lady " How ])leased she seems," and of the ircntlemau "How silly he looks," the usual furroiit compliments of the occasion. And of all the <::ay comers, none attracted more attention than our fail friend Miss IJosa, not only on account of her t^a'uerally admitted heauty (pretty but conceited was the (lualilied term), but now more than ever from her evidently havint; that i^'reatest female luxury — two strinjjs to her bow, Mr. Goldspink, nettled at the intrusion of the strani[jer, presently asserted his claims with the air of a man who has no idea of bein<; thwarted in anytliiny he I'ancies. So he pushed and forced himself past 'Mr. lUmtinj,' in a way that as pood as said, What business have you poaching on my preserve ':■ ]\[iss Rosa, on her part, held the scales of preference very evenly ; if she smiled on !Mr. Goldspink, she presently looked sweet at Mr. Bunting, and no two ladies could agree upon which was likely to be the happy man — which get the blissful inaugural kiss. But hark ! a familiar voice at the white marble refreshment stand is exclaiming, " What I no Hermitage! no Malmsey! no Lachrymfe Christi ! "Why surely you don't call this a refreshment stall ! Xever saw such a place in my life ! *' The speaker there- upon Aunt Sallying a whole pyramid of pies with his gold-mounted riding whip as he spoke, then picking it up and chucking a half- crown at the fair custodian, he turned on his brass-spurred heel, and, swinging up the room, confronted the company. We need not say it was the voice of Mr. O'Dicey — O'Dicey got up in the brightest of hats and shincyest of braided blue coats, for he is now affecting the militaire, and seeing his pupil environed by the petti- coats, an intercourse of which he did not altogether approve, having lost several good chances by their officious interference, he strolled up to see what was doing, claiming acquaintance with the rest of the party by dint of the familiarity with which he greeted our friend ; for O'Dicey was not a shy man, and would address the Queen herself if Her ^lajesty came in his way. So he rattled and talked as if he was both hard and soft, and sharp and flat, and, producing his card of the races, was ready to back or bet, or lay or take, or do anything to lose money — seeming as if he would take it as a real favour if somebody would rob him. And now's the time for doing so, for the wind-scattered notes of a bell outside seems to awaken both sharps and flats, causing a general move among the men, all anxious to avail themselves of the last chance of cheating each other. How the chorus rises as they recede, one vociferating " Young Belshazzar ! " another shouting for " Sorceress," a third for " Flora Grey," a fourth for we don't catch what. So they go, yelling and elbowing and treading on each other's corns, to join the general flock in a sort PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 81 of every-man-for-himself sort of way. The room looks all the better for their abseuce, just as a flower-border looks better after the removal of the -weeds. The ladies, like tulips, theu get more room to expand their skirts aud adjustable bustles, and sweep up and down with the peculiar dromedary sort of movement these singular encasements give them. Presently a shout outside attracts their attention and causes them to wheel to the still drawn- down windows, like a flock of sheep after the passing of a fox. An unfortunate cur, with an old hat tied to its tail, is under- going the attentions of the crowd and the police, who drive it from side to side, without letting it leave the course. As fast as it makes a dart at one point it is driven to another, and is thus battledored and shuttlecocked between them. At length it makes a vigorous dash at a young Cockney Highlander attired in all the magnificence of his clan, knocking the young Cheapside chieftain flat on his back, sending his eagle-plumed bonnet one way, liis currant bun another, and himself a third, to the terror of his nurse, who fears that the name of Brown is extinct. Up she lifts the roaring kicking urchin, and bears him to the rear, where his cries are drowned by the l)oom of the drums, the clang of the cymbals, and the crashing announcements of the speaking trum- pets ; the i^roprietor of the pink-locked lady denouncing the sea- green haired nymph as a dyed impostor, the Berkshire giant keeper proclaiming the surpassing stature of his proiq/e, and the custodian of the Cornish dwarf being equally eloquent in praise of his pigmy. In the midst of the hubbub up rides the mainspring — the motive power of the meeting — the renowned Tim Boldero himself, on a punchy black cob, forming with its rider a perfect series of semi-circles. Like all would-be sportsmen, Tim has got his extremities into breeches and boots, which he thinks is all that is required for the character, though one might put a penny roll in between his knee and the saddle. But Tim does not profess to be a jockey, only the rulei' of jockeys, and his tadpole-like figure causes a sensation among the brotherhood, denoting that it is time to strip and prepare for the start. And now 8ir Felix, having ridden as consequentially up the course as he can for the wind, followed by his crimson-coated, white-collared groom, alights, and is bowed obsequiously up into his pigeon-house of a Stand, and presently apjjcars at the front, much in the manner of Punch prior to commencing his connubial differences with Judy. "What's that old fool about ? " asks Mr, O'Dicey, with a twirl of his moustache, adding, "he's always showing off somehow or other." Mr, O'Dicey suspected that Sir Felix had marred a very jiroinis- ing plant of his, and hence his displeasure. Another longer, more vehement peal of the bell now resounds, a sii ri.A i.\ ieiou peeuliar to disori'paiiey. What if hr should vietiuiise Jasper! — lu»b hitu before he is tiedji'ed ! — The mau must be looked to, tiuiuuht she. JWit O'Dieey, who has beeu scauned pretty often, turns his baek ou the h\uht, and ]uits the best I'aec he can on his wrinkles. The saddlin*;' l)ell jiresently eomcs to his relief and puts un ciul to the inquisition. And now all the gay butterflies are again on the wing, forming quite a collection for a naturalist, and as everybody understands horses, there is the usual criticism, and picking out of the winner. There is plenty of choice, what Avith true runners, and false runners, and waiters on true ru!iucrs, and false-start makers, and so ou — a baker's-dozen in all. The jackets are bright, and the leathers are spruce, save those of a little old fellow in a faded green silk, whose drab cords and gaiters draw down the gibes and jeers of the cynical as he passes complacently to the post. " Let them laugh as wins," thinks he, feeling his springing little horse under him as he goes. This, though a light bay, is what the legs call a dark horse, namely, one that they cannot get much information about, and the owner, ]\Ir. AVhistlecraft, the horse- breaker and coper, of llotherham, is making the most of the opportunity — taking everybody in that lie can. And now the .supercilious gentlemen in the leathers, close in upon their provincial-looking brother of the drabs, apparently ashamed of the intercour.se, and after few preliminary false starts, carry him away in the midst of them. A good driviug wind aids the endeavour, and sends them sweeping along to tlie turn of the course in a cluster. A volley of chalky dust then envelopes them and hides old Dingy's apparel from i'urther observation. And now the excitement begins to bubble and simmer, and presently boils up into the usual frenzy. Every mouth is agape for his neighbour's money — offering every species of bait. What a life must be that of a leg I Always ou the stretch ! Always trying to take somebody in I A continual mill-horse- round of never-ceasing anxiety ; one event over, another begin- ning. Two to one against the favourite of this year ; twenty to one against that of the next. Out upon such work, say we ! A man had better break stones in a work-house yard than attempt to get money by such means. But our particular spasm is again at its height. The striding, taper-limbed horses are distending themselves in the distance, the cluster having this time assumed more the shape of a telescope. On they come, at a rattling pace, the tail lengthening as they near. *' Hats off ! " is again tlie cry, to which the men respond, and jump, and raise themselves on tip-toe, while the ladies below PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 85 put their glasses com])l;icently to their eyes and reconnoitre the scene. Now the excitement iinds vent in noise. "The gray!" " The gray ! " shout a dozen voices, as the conspicuous fovourite ap]iears well in front, his backers hoping to pocket the guineas. "•The hail'. The, hai/ ! The hai/ ! '" vociferates the deep-toned Whistlecraft, flagellating his brown top-boot as he eyes the little stealing bay shooting to the front, — and sure enough within a few yards of home the little horse gives some springing bounds, and pokes his nose in first. " Hoo-rai/ ! " shouts the stentorian-lunged winner, turning abruptly on his heel, pushing and forcing his way through the crowd, in a way well calculated to arouse the wrath of the losers. '' Let's oot I Let's oot ! " cries he, forcing one man one way, and another another, as he makes for the door. The brawny, maeintoshed Yorkshireman then goes stamping down stairs, shaking the edifice with his step, leaving the late clamorous but now chap-fallen speculators to digest their disgust at their leisure. AVhistle is ott" to see after the cash, and the beau- tiful candelabrum will presently adorn Ids gin-palace at Rotherham. Xobbler, the trainer of the Forty Thieves, looks aghast ! And again the excitement of gambling galloping, is succeeded by a Babel-like outburst of musical instruments and clamour, in the midst of which rude Boreas, as if indignant at the idea of any- body making a noise but himself, suddenly arose and blew a most furious concentrated blast upon the offending line, knocking down the caravans and turning the tents inside out. Then Jupiter Pluvius, roused into action, rolled a dense leaden-like cloud over the firmament, and, without hint or notice of any sort, drew the string of his shower-bath, and let down such a torrent of rain as half drenched the fumblei's ere they could unfurl their ])atent umbrellas or get theii- siphonias out of their cases. Heavens, what destruction a single minute made of the finery that now distinguishes the maid from the mistress ! How the artificial flowers were drenched, the gay coquetry taken out of the feathers, and the cheaj) crinolines — the Is. ll^r/. worths — reduced to one- half their original dimensions. We wonder what our mob-capped grandmothers would say, if they could rise from their graves and see housemaids in hoops, and the other absurdities that recently drew down the just indignation of the worthy Recorder of Hull. They would indeed think the world had got a turn ! This day, however, would avenge a good deal ; and tiien the tantalising part of the thing was, that when the rain had ruined everything, it suddenly ceased, like the stage-storm of a theatre, and the sun started forth iroin behind a cloud, shedding a halo on tiie mischief, while a gorgeous raiid)ow arose inland, tln'owing a gay arch far into tiie sea. Meanwhil(^ the ladies in the comfortable stand look com])hicently ui)on the wreck of finery outside, occasionally looking at tiie sky, and hoping it would be dry under foot for them. 8(5 /'/. i/.v oi: i:i \(; i.irrs/ Cnrriap:c8 then bcii'in (•• dnnv ii]i, niul (ho stiiircjisc is jjrcsctitly onhvoncd with Uhiir«1 (Utsscs, vaiulykL-d pi'tticuals, ami IJaliuoral Imots, all proiH-rly arraii,u:t'd i'oi' display. Our prudriit Maniiiia, uho iieviT likes to stay late, jtrcstntly applies Mr. Runtinji" to tin' utilitarian pnrp(tse she dcscri I )(.■(! liiin as eiU'oiira,i;i'(l lur, namely, liy askiiiir him to s^o for the carriaire, leaviiijj Mr. O'Dicey an nn- eomfortalik' spectator ot" ]\Iiss llosa's lovely blue eyes, revolvinj-', as he thoujj^ht, rather too often and too sweetly on Mr. Jasper. " AVliat a here it will be," thoufrjit O'Dicey, eyeing; her bewiteli- u\^ smile, " if she izets him away from me ; '" and he t]iercu])()n applied himself to ]Mamma, to tind out how much longer they were going to stay at the Rocks. In the midst of this inrpiiry ^Ir. l^unting returned to say the carriage was ready, and tender- ing liis arm to !Miss liosa, he led her away in the order in which they arrived ; and Mr. O'JJicey, having heljied to tuck in jNIamma, saw them drive off, each with a considerable misgiving of the other, each wishing the other were further. Then Mi\ O'Dicey hopped gaily up stairs again, Immming a tune, but in i-eality extremely uneasy in his mind. ITe wished that the ladies might not be too many for him. Having cast carelessly about among the now departing crowd, he presently mounted his seven-and- sixpence-a-sider, and cantered l)aek to the Kocks, arriving about the same time as the last rivulet of rain. CHAPTER XVIII. TJIE ORDINAKY. HowEVKK bad a day may be for anything else, it is never too bad for dining ; and accordingly about lialf-past five the usual heterogeneous assemblage — roughs and smooths, half roughs and lialf smooths — of a race-ordinary began to congregate and obstruct the doorway and passages of the Flying Dutchman Hotel in iShark-street, being the sporting rendezvous that 3Ir. Boldero patronised, and where a gentleman could be accommodated with the odds, or anything else in the sporting way. To it came appetites in various degrees of vigour and ripeness, some that dined at one o'clock, others that dined at two ; some that ruu/t/ put off till four, some that dined at sunset ; others that dined Avhenever their owners could get a dinner. And again the con- fusion of tongues arose, " ar'll lay " this, " ar'll take " that : Yorkshire bellowing against Lancashire, Manchester pitting itself Jigainst Leeds. Each race was run over again, and the cause of defeat explained, including that of Xobl;ler on behalf of the Forty PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 87 Thieves. And as the plot thickened, and people began to growl and talk about their stomachs, thinking their throats were cut, and so on, up drove ]\Ir. O'Dicey in a smart Queen's coloured brougham — O'Dicey got up on the Shakesperian principle, " Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy," velvet and silk, and chains and lockets, and puify pink-tinted shirt, presenting a strange contrast to the coarse hard-featured herd by whom he was surrounded, from which, however, he quickly disentangled himself, and skipped up stairs to secure a becoming seat at the table. " AVaitor ! " exclaimed he, swinging,' hastily up the long room (two bed-rooms and a l)illiard-room laid together) ; " AVaitor, where can I sit ? " and the waiter (a retired gentleman's butler, whose little " discrepancy " with his late master's plate caused by his too great love for the turf kept him out of place), thinking O'Dicey looked like a tip, put him second from the chair, next Sir Stephen Sappey, who of course was coming to support his brother Bart. : a place that O'Dicey im- mediately secured by placing his thin glazed card on the plate. He then confirmed the waiter's estimate of his quality by chuck- ing him half-a-crown for himself Next, Sir Felix Flexible whipped up in his smart dress chariot, the cockaded coachman making as much fuss Avith his tightly curbed horses as he could, and seeming to think himself rather demeaned by having to drive up such a narrow green grocerish sort of street. Reader, if you live in the country and value the peace of miiid of your horses, never engage a town coachman — that is to say, a man who has driven in town. They think of nothing but bitting and bearing and cutting round corners. One of these elbow-squaring gentlemen will spoil the best tempered horse in a week, and declare he is vicious. If ]\Ir. Rarey would teach them the real nature and character of the animal, it would be a great blessing to masters ; only most of them are so self- sufficient that they will most likely say they have forgotten more than Rarey ever knew. As Sir Felix's coachman stops with a sudden jerk, the well-powdered footman rather ponders on the board, thinking perhaps " Chorles " has made a mistake, and is only asking his way ; but a " Now then ! " over the aiguilletted shoulder, accompanied by the letting down of the carriage window, announces "all right," and "Jeames" jumps nimbly down to unfold the door-steps and exhibit the great man inside. Sir Felix then descends in due state, letting the assembled out- riiders see the brightness of his hunt-club buttons and the glorious amplitude of his well starched white vest ; and ])reL'edcd by "J'om Jioozey worth the landlord, and a flight of those rusty-coated waiters that turn up on all public occasions from no one knows wIk'IV, explores tlie iiitrieiu-ies uf (lie loiiu' low piissajic, amid cautions i»f "i\Iiiid, here's a Btep down. Sir I'elix," and " there's a step lip. Sir Ftli.x," and "^lind your head. Sir Fehx," until he reaeius the crtakiiii;- old stairs that lead up lo the rxteniporised lou^- rnuni, wiiere lie linally lands amid a great dis- play ol" white ware and sundry huge joints of beef and mutton, t'orniing with cheese what the sailor described as all the delicacies of the season. If not very fine, however, it is substantial, and the ornamental centre basket oi' the jirize candelabrum makes a grand plateau for the usual group of calves' feer jelly-glasses. Sir P'elix has hardly contemplated the room and the semi- circular chair from which he has to deliver his classical eloquence, ere Sir Stejthen Sappey is borne in by the pushing, rushing crowd, all clamorous for places and anxious to be at the viands. Seeing the style of men, and feeling pretty sure that if one of them was to choose to occupy the chair, he would not perhaps get him out again. Sir Felix immediately takes jMJSsession, his brother Baronet squats in the seat of honour on his right, ^\v. O' Dicey seats him- self on his left, and the thirty or forty sportsmen — or sporting men — composing the body of the party fall into place as best they may. An immediate onslaught comnK'nced upon the food, and the joints and the pies and the potatoes werf jiuUed and rolled and i^ushed about the table in a most ])romiscuous, cvery-mau- for-himself, sort of way. Munch, crunch, munch, crunch, ])atter clatter, patter clatter, waiter, beer, spoon, salt, pepper, fork, knife, plate, are the only intelligible sounds that escape. Presently the less voracious of "the appetites begin to be appeased, and as the noise somewhat subsides jMr. O'JJicey's voice is heard storming the waiters, and demanding all sorts of unheard-of and impossible things. First he wants some Gorgona anchoxies, and is furious, or pretends to be, at not getting them. "AVliat! no Gorgona anchovies ! Never heard of such a thing ! Where's the man of the house ? Send the man of the house here ! " But the man of the house is far too busy drawing old bottled sherry — rich, dry, and full of character — out of the cask to attend to any such summons, and our friend's wrath is diverted at the absence of French mustard for his cold beef ; so sending his plate away he demands some plovers' eggs, then some Bombay mangoes, and last some Emmenthaler cheese, which latter is offered to him in the shape of a great leathery-looking slice of strong-smelling Cheshire. Scorning the substitute, he sends his plate away, and balancing himself on the hind legs of a somewhat ricketty rush- bottomed chair proceeds to twirl his moustache and contemplate the company. There are a good many fellows there that he knows, legs, levanters, and lame ducks of all sorts, but none that he cares particularly about, Jf they can bloxv him, he can return the compliment and the reciprocity system is well understood PLAIN on BIN (i LETS? 89 among' ihem. So amid the process of identifyiiin- faces, now seen withouD their familiar hats, the last sounds of mastication gradu- ally die out, and a short grace is now listened to that was not waited for at the opening. Plates, bread, sweepings generally, disappear ; and two long lines of variously-shaped wine-glasses range from end to end of the narrow table, guarding, as it were, sundry pyramids of very teeth-trying biscuits, placed on the well- known old green-coloured dessert plates. Mr. Boozeyworth then furnishes materal for the coming conviviality by placing "ports and sherries " at either end of the table, while his coadjutors take orders for rum, gin, hollands, brandy, Avhatever the jiarties prefer to wine. These in their various forms of hot with and cold with- out, cold with and hot without, being at length distributed ac- cording to each man's behest, and an approving- si]) taken, eyes began gradually to turn towards the chair, and Sir Felix, after a good prefatory "• Hem ! " arose and calling for a bumper-toast, gave " the health of Her Majesty the (^ueeu " in a very laudatory, word-dwelling manner ; after which he complimented the Prince Consort, the Prince of Wales, and the rest of the lloyal family, in a similar strain, and again resumed his seat, feeling pretty com- fortable as to voice, provided he could bring out the book-h^arning when he wanted it. After a proper [lause he again rose, and gave " the Army and Xavy " in highly eulogistic terms, when, true to his morning spurs, and greatly to the surprise of Sir Felix, u]) jumped Islx. O'Dicey to return thanks on behalf of the army. A buzz of apj)lause welcomed the change of voice, and assured oui- not over-dithdent friend of a favourable reception. " Si]' Felix Flexil)le, Sir Stephen Sappey, and gentlemen," said he, looking down the table, "1 thank you most cttrdially for the compliments you have paid that branch of the service to which I had the honour to belong. (O'Dicey had been turned out of the b'andango Huzzars for turning up the King too often at ecartc.) J need not say, gentlemen, that under all times, all climes, all cir- cumstances, the army will ever be found true to those illustrious antecedents that have procured us honour abroad, and comfort and tran(juillity at home. (Applause.) (ientlemen, I agree witli my Lord Palmerston, that a foreign foe would bitterly rue the day he ever set his presumptuous foot on our shoivs, for the country would rise to a man, and show that we are as great in the strength of war as we are in milder pursuits of peace, (llenewed a])plause, during which the grog-drinkers took courage out of the varied contents of their glasses, and felt very brave.) And let me observe, gentlemen," continued Mi'. ()'J)icey, addressing himself to the legs, "that these race meetings are intimately connected with the best interests of tiie army, fostering and encouraging that unrivalled breed of horses for which our glorious country has so long been justly famous. (Apj)lause.) I need not observe to w I'LAix (>i: i;i x<; LETS? this inootiii'T, prcsidril ovit \>y a ^I'litlonian of the lii<2^1i classic.il kiio\vk'(l_L:v ami arquirt'inc'iits v\' {Uv worthy liaroiu't, that in all times, ami all iiji'es, the iinprovoincnt of its breed of horses has been an object of care and solicitnde to ever}' paternal liovern- mcnt." " Very true I very true I " assented Sir Felix, tickled by the compliment paid to himself, which he did not expect from our friend. " A\'o know,"" continued .Mr. O'Dicey, twii'lini;- Ids moustache, ** AVe know how all-absorbini,' were the Olympic games, and that racinfj was considered in (Jreece a matter of the highest national importance." '• Holloa I ■' muttered Sir Feli.x, prickinu' liisears, '* "We can almost realise the glorious sjiectacle of Philip of ^lacedon, and Hiero. King of Cyracusc, contending in |iei\son for the prize." (" The deuce I " exclaimed the Baronet, starting up in his seat.) "And to come nearer home," continued Mr. O'Dicey taking a sip of his sloe juice port Avine, "history tells us how in the ninth century, Hugh Capet sent a present of race- horses to Athelstane." " Oh, the deuce ! " groaned the Baronet sinking back in despair, and covering his face with his kerchief, in which position he had the mortification to hear Mr. O'Dicey run glibly through the very speech he had taken such pains to prepare for himself, and finish with a well-rounded eulogiura on the Turf, which drew forth the general applause of the company. Mr. O'Dicey having resumed his seat, then presently arose, and sweeping his wine-glasses on to the floor with his brown dress- coat tails, swung carelessly out of the i"oom — chuckling at having paid the old boy (as he called Sir Felix) off for his former inter- ference. He then ordered a fly, and drove away to tell his friend Curlew, who lived in the adjoining rooms to the Baronet in the too thinly-walied Minerva mansion, how he had stolen tlie speech they had jointly heard Sir Feli.x concocting, and anticipated its delivery at the ordinary. O'Dicey also recounted his own observations on the race-course ; how Miss Rosa had looked sweet on young fatty, as they called Jasjier, and Mamma rather sour on him- self : and being ])resently joined by their confederate, ]\Ir. Wanless, whose acquaintance the reader will presently make, they resolved themselves into a comniittee of management to consider what was best to be done under the circumstances. ^leauwhile Sir Feli.x floundered on as best he could with the court card taken out of his hand, and when, after speech, song, and sentiment, subscrip- tion to this, that, and t'other, Mr. Boozeyworth again steered him down stairs, and along the dark intricate i^assage ; " A step down here, Sir P'eHx," " A step np here, Sir Felix," "Mind your head, Sir Felix," he felt he had been made a tool of, and resolved that he wouldn't, be caught that way again. And so he drove home in PLAIN OR BINGLETS? 91 the dumps, and when he awoke the next morning, with a dry tonti'ue and fe^'crish head, instead of pleasant applause and tinkling of spoons in the toddy-glasses, he was very ill-pleased to MU. O DICEY RKTI.'RNS THANKS FOR THK ARMY. find that, one way and another, he had been let in for sonoc fivc-and-twenty pounds. While Sir Felix was acquiring all these dhcujremeiis, O'Dicey and Co. were settling their course of pro- cedure towards our friend ~^\y. Jasper. 92 PLAIX oi; in Sa LETS CHAl'I'Ki; XIX. A lUTClI OF (iOOl) FELIiUW.S — .MK. u'dICEY'.S J>1NM:1{. '* C'OMK ami liavf a quiet chop with mc at Chouscy's," said Mi-. O'Di.-ev ill liis usual (itf-hand way. as he met our jilump hero strolHuir moodily altmu' the north shore — hands deep in peg-tojv trouser pockets — chewing the cud of a conversation he Iiad just had with ^liss Rosa, in which he thought she liad been rather more af?ablc to Bunting than there was any occasion for. This was shortly after the consultation we described in our last chapter, during which time O'Dicey had had ample time for making arrangements, as well for the entertainment as for securing the company of a few of those choice spirits by whom a '' pluck " is best effected. The invitatif)n was opportune, for Jasper was out of humour with Miss Rosa for encouraging that griiming simpleton, with his flourishing airs and poetical nonsense, and knew that dining with O'Dicey would annoy both her and Mamma, so he immediately closed witli the offer, and inquired about the hour. "What time ? " asked he. with a smile of satisfaction. " Oh, any time, — six, half-past ; seven if you like ; but seven punc. mind, if it is seven."' " six would suit me best," replied Jasper, unused to such fashionable hours. (Four was their hour in the country.) " Six be it, then," replied ]\Ir. O'Dicey ; " Six be it ; and I'll see if I can get two or three good fellows to meet you. Just a chop you know — no dressing — no dressing — come as you are — come as you are." So saying, he waved an adieu with his clean primrose-colour kid-gloved hand, and went swinging away in quesi I if his comrogucs. It so hajjpened that there were a good many queer fellows down at the Hocks at this particular time ; indeed there generally are at all race-meetings ; and though the sports of the turf were over for the present, the vultures availed themselves of the short inter- regninn before the commencement of the Scrambleford meeting to indulge in a little bodily ablution, and pick up such stray birds as came in their way at billiards, cards, dice, or what not. An accomplished " leg " can play at anything, or find those who can. Mr. O'Dicey's dining rule being not more than the eight nor less than the six, he very soon picked up as many guests as filled the round table of the Dolphin diuiiig-room. As it is always a con- venience to know something of those we are going to meet before they arrive, we will here introduce them to the reader, ins-ead of PLAIN on RINGLETS '^ 93 leading them up as they come. The stuttering Major Minster claims precedcuce in jwint of age, and was a long-faced, straight- haired, blue - eyed, stoutish, middle-aged, clean-shaven, blue- surtouted, pepper-and - salt-trousered man, who talked aide-de- m//?/>-ship, and affected such a horror for gaming and all youthful indiscretious, that a fond mother would think he was just the sort of man she would like to send a darling son abroad with. The Major wos cautious and considerate ; always paused before he stuttered his answer : and gave disparaging opinions in such a guarded sort of way, that they carried far more weight than down- right denunciations would have done. He was a capital hand at both billiards and cards, but having had the misfortune to be found out, people had got shy of him ; and not having the where- withal to set up for himself, had become a sort of hanger-on of O'Dicey, to whom the Major's steady demure looks and respect- able conversation were a great advantage and accommodation. Curlew, the before-mentioned Ginger (Hirlew, was a very little man, Mitli a whipped-spaniel sort of look about him that told sadly against him at first ; but he was a bold, bad little fellow, who if he made a set at a man, would follow him to the Land's End, before he would let him go unamerced. His role was Parlia- ment. " When oi was in Parh'ament," for he always took care to trot out his short parliamentary career, just as Mr. Handeycock trots out Peter Simple's grandfather. Lord Privilege, — when he thinks there is anything to be made by the display. C^irlew's in- vestment for a seat had not been a bad one, for " Thos. Curlew, Esq., M.P." appears on all books, papers, and writings, belonging to him ; thus giving his comrogues an opportunity of thinking he is still a senator instead of something else beginning with an S, a title that would not be quite so useful in aiding his plucking endeavours. The next gentleman we have the honour of introducing to the reader is the well-known captain Arthur Gammon, who goes on the false tack principle too, namely, that of keeping hounds, thus usurping the credit of the Gammon who does. IL's flash talk is about hunting, " Horses and hounds and the system of kennel, Leicestershire nags and the hounds of old Meynell." And very well he does it. He is always wanting a huntsmnn or whij), or a horse "to carry one of my men." Li person he is a sort of O'Dicey double, but younger, having all his great original's impudence without his tact. (}ammon had the misfortune to begin life by thinking he could do O'Dicey, and bitterly he paid for his temerity. 0'J)icey plucked him as clean as a poulterer plucks a pullet, and then converted him into a sort of second '.»4 /■/..! /.V ('/.• UlSdLETti? ruliUe, setting!: him to aid his arnm.m'iiu-nt.s ami do his hidcHiiu' u\\ all dccasions. Like O'Dit'cy, (JaiiiiiKHi yocs for tiie clothes, flash, sliiny, and fjlitteriiiir, 8rld()m appcariiii; two days alike. lie is a smart woll-sot-np little man, with a jrood curly head ol" dark c'lusteriiii; hair, brijjht eyes, and good features generally ; which, with his careful costume and consummate assurance;, served him in good stead at first, and got him into several good country houses, from which he was often as dillicult to eject as the celebrated Soapey Sponge himself. Having once efi'ected a hiiicnirnt in a certain nobleman's house, where he seemed well inclined to stay on for ever, various expedients, such as ])acking up his ]uirtmanteau and presenting him with the key at breakfast, asking him where he wislied to have his letters directed to, and so on, were resorted to for the purpo-se of ousting him without success. At length it Avas thought advisable to take soundings as to how long he meant to stay, so the project of some future excursion was brought upon the tapis during dinner, and Captain (Jammon was urgently appealed to to form one of the party. " Hay — haw — hum," replied he, fingering his tie ; " hay — haw — hum," paying the same compliment to his trinkets, "fear I must be off before then — been here almost a fortnight as it is." " Sir," interposed the pompous butler, who was "drying" or " sweeting " the company — " Sir, you will have been here three H'celcs to-morrow." So much for the Captain, who may now pass on for the present. Xow for ^Ir. "Wauless. the gentleman who formed one of the council of war at the Minerva Mansion. Joe, as they call him, is a queer fellow, and he looks like one. He calls himself a monetary discount and general commission agent, which may mean anything. He is a sedate, bald-headed, middle aged man, whose otherwise quiet appearance is marred by a watchful restless- ness of eye, as if he lived in constant expectations of a kick. His conversation is generally about lords and great people whose bills he has manipulated (perhaps stolen) ; but a man might talk to .Foe for a month without being able to come to any conclusion as to what he really is, so mixed and miscellaneous is his matter — now about politics, now about prices, now about farming, now about shooting, and anon about fox-hunting. His is the hnishing department — his the delicate duty of opportunely producing the little bill-stamp that enables parties to square accounts at the moment, on the principle that Joe always enforces, of short reckonings making long friends. Joe's next business is to trot off into the city to get the bill '• done." Such were the parties to the plant on our fat friend ; and O'Dicey, well knowing where to find them — the Major at Slowman's reading-room, Curlew at Side- pocket's billiard-table, Gammon at Spurrier the saddler's, and Joe at the railway-station — he gave each a monosyllabical summons PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 95 for six, and proceeded on his way rejoicinu-. He would steal a march on mother and daughter (meaning our fair friend and Mamma) if he could. He then looked in at Chousey's to give the finishing touch to the programme of the entertainment. Although Mr. O'Dicey talked of a mutton chop — a quiet chop, it was only a pleasant figurative sort of way he had of speaking of as good a dinner as money can procure, and Mr. Chousey's instructions were to send up the best entertainmeiit the house could afi:brd. 80 long as a man played, Mr. O'Dicey said he was unwise to deny himself anything, for it was only to increase the sLakes a little and have it all back. AVhatever O'Dicey did, therefore, he did in the most liljcral manner, trusting to other people paying for it. Accordingly a first-class dinner was ordered in the best room at the Dolpliin, the waiters were beshorted and bebuckled, and the prime vintages brought up from the cave. Nothing was omitted that could add to the bill, and though the dinner might cost three times as much as it would in a private house, we should like to know the private house where you could get such a one at such short notice. As of course it would not do for O'Dicey to be fussy or figetty about it, he was not there to receive our friend, who arrived a few minutes before six ; and when " Mr. Goldspink " was ushered into the Dolphin— a room radiant with mirrors, and shining with French ])olish, and cut crimson velvet furniture — he found the exemi)lary Major admiring a number of the Turner collection of engravings, wliile Joe was raking the sea through a standard telescope, looking at this ship and that, as though he expected a cargo of something coming in. They both desisted from their avocations as Jasper entered, and received him with an obsequious civility that was extremely flattering to our friend. They apologised for the absence of their host. '• Dare say'd ilr. Goldsi)ink knew O'Dicey as well as they (lid — excellent fellow, but anything but punctual ; however, it wasn't quite time yet, so they wouldn't say anything," and proceeded to discuss the sea, and the weather, and the state of the country, courting and encouraging our young friend's opinion instead of laying down the law in the dictatorial tone of some of the elders. 80 they roved gaily from subject to subject, until Jasper landed them on the Roseljerry iiocks race-course, when, just as he was explaining how it was that the Forty Thieves had been so unsuccessful at the recent meeting, the door flew open, and in bounced Mr. O'Dicey, flourishing a highly-scented cambric kerchief, curled, dressed, and jewelled, as if he were going to a ball. "Ah, my dear fellow!" exclaimed he, seizing Jaspei-'s fat hand ; " Ah, my dear fellow ! I beg you ten thousand pardons for not being liere to receive and introduce you ; l)ut better late than never," added he, patting Jasi)er fainiharly on the back. "This," continued he, bringing forward the model Major by the ;»t; /'/. i/.v i>i: i; i xc Lh'TS ':' arm. " is my cxcollent tVioiul Majni' Miiisici'. hifc ((/i/r-dc-r/iiii/i io liord Stnitaiulstridc ; aiul tliis." cnntiiiiicd hi', doiiin- the same by •loe, " is my i:;(tod friend .Mr. AVaidcss — .Mr. ,)osc])h Wunless ; two ijLMitloim'ii, K't mo say, whom ihc more you know the more you'll like, than which no hiiiher eonipliment can be ])aid to any one ;" whereujion they all went throuifh the form of grinning^, and serapinj::, and bowinti', without which the aeiiuaintance would have been incomplete. ^Fr. 0' Dicey then eomi)res8ed his gil)us hat, and chuckinu' it in a corner, proceeded to reconnoitre the round table. The dinner, of coui'se, was to be a la Rusne, that con- venient invention ibr servinu; rerhaifff'ers ; and there was a spleiulid vine-wreath-pillaix'd " A. ]^. Savory " epcrgne, fnll of cut flowers in the centre, with transpaivnt AVeuham-Iake ice in the four richly cut ^lass side-(b'shes. The table linen was immacu- lately white, and the jiyi-amidit-al na])kins stood like sentries (i\er the clear crystal. All tilings looked |)romising and well. .Iiisi as 'Slv. O'Dicey had completed a hasty survey, the door opened, and little Curlew came sneakino- in after his waiter-announced name, and having been presented to Jasper, was formally introduced to the other two gentlemen, as thon^-h they had never had the jileasure of seeino- each other before. Ere he had got much advanced with his ingratiation, in flung Captain Arthur (iammou, quite in the O'Dicey style, scented, jewelled, and varnished, like his great prototype. After shaking haiuls with his host, nodding to Joe, and '"oid-boying " the ]\Iajor, he made a ])assing bow to our hero, in return for .Mr. O'Dicey's introduction of " ^ly friend Mr. Goldspink," and then proceeded to reconnoitre himself in the mirror. First he frizzed up his dark curly hair, then he twitted his luxuriant whiskers, next he examined his teeth, and then encouraged his collar. "Come, you'll do old boy,'' said O'Dicey, digging his double in the ribs with his tluimb as he passed to the bell knob, which scarcely responded to his touch ere the door opened, and in poured the servants, bearing the banquet. A first-class hotel dinner is by no means a bad thing — hairing the pajTnent : a second-class one is to be deprecated, and a thii-d avoided. Still, save at liichmond or (Jreeuwich, an hotel dinner, though far more expensi\"e, is never half so much appreciated as one at a private house ; just as people consider a ball given at Willis's Rooms is no equivalent for their hostesses not turning their houses inside out to receive them at home. Chousey knew how to do the thing, both in the way of catering and charging, and there was no exception to be taken to anything here. There was turtle soup, both clear and thick, Severn salmon, Toi'liay soles, and a variety of other fish, all hot and prime of their kind. Chousey's wine, too, was good, and his decanters holding surprisingly little, and three-quarters emptied bottles, being in- PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 97 variably whipped away, for fear of any little sediment at the bottom, an apparently great consumption caused very little head- ache. Abstemiousness is one of the hardships of a gambler's life, Avho must always have his keenest wits about him ready for action ; and ]\Ir. O'Dicey, though always calling for wine, and sipping, and tasting, and eyeing and urging his friends to generous potations, in reality drank very little himself. Joe and the ]\Iajor, who were generally on short commons, and only the out-riggers, or heavy fathers, of the entertainment, made up for their host's deficiency, and ate and drank, and ate and drank, with the most laudable sea-side appetites. " Venzon coming, sir," whispered ^Iv. Chousey in Joe's ear, as he was going to have a second coteletic de veau. " Venzon is there ! " replied he, pausing to consider. " Yez-ir — venzon from the Earl of Blazington's — best park in England," replied the landlord. Our landlord was right. There icm venison ; not from Lord Blazington's but from the Duke of Tergiversation's, the migratory haunch having at length found a resting-place at Chousey's, who had given Mrs. Trattles a couple of dozen of fine pale sherry (out of the cask), for the same. It was now in what Chousey called high order, so high, indeed, that if Captain Gammon had not lieen imder recognisances, in the shape of a long-standing bill, to kee]> his peace, Chousey would have preferred having it carved at the other end of the room. As it was, however, he ventured it at the side table, and by helping Mr. AVanless first, and deluging his plate with sweet sauce, he got him to utter the approving "capital," so essential to the jjrosperity of a haunch, and which set all the other eaters anxious for their turns. Gobble, gobble, gobble, was presently the order of the day, broken by occasional demands for the jelly or the French beans. The best test of their sincerity Avas that, after being refreshed by a round of Bordeaux, they all got hot plates and went in for more venison. 80 the travelled haunch came to good account at last. Turtle and venison are very convincing, and sweets and savouries are of little account after. The Bordeaux, and the Johannesbcrger, and the Steinberger, and the sparkling, and the old dry Sillery, and the creaming champagnes, presently did duty for the viands, and host and guests discarding the non-health drinking system, were extremely attentive to our hero ; so atten- tive, indeed, that he was more than ever convinced that he was" ""somebody." At length, the lobster salad, and the ice-])udding, and the jellies, and the creams, and the fritters, of tliis mutton- chop dinner, began to be passed or hastily rejected, each man feeling as though he would never be hungry again, and some nice fresh parmesan cheese was introduced, to give zest to a glass of Clos Vougeot. This latter was introduced on its side, in the cosey H 08 ri.Aix <>i: luxd LKTS? cradle, with all tlio ]•»nu\^ ami circuinstance peculiar to Babies and Hurmiiuly, the well-stained eork carefully extracted amidst observations on the ca])rici()us character of the wine, and liojx^s that the bottle would prove lio(l O'Dii'cy. "Do ns you like, you know, only sit still aud let's have a little (piiet diat. De'ssay you've got no place to ii,o to." " Why, ye — ye — yes T have. I was c^o — p;o — ^'oiuii; half-jtricc to the p — p — jiliiy." " Go to-morrow niii'lit," vi'])lie(l O'Dieey, i)ulliiiL;' liim down Ity the coat-tails. "Co to-morrow niii'ht, and I'll i^o with yon." AVith which assurance the ]\Iajor resumed his seat and hel])ed himself to a little more Avine. The others did not evince any disinclination to a sit ; and tliouoh the wine was sourer than our friend Jasper was accustomed to, yet he took O'Dicey's assurance that ji^ood claret never did anybody any harm, and helped himself in his turn. So the circulation proceeded amidst longer or shorter stops accordins: to the inclination of the party before whom tlu^ bottle was. At leno,-th even AVanless beg-an to pass it, whereupon O'Dicey run? the bell, observing- that they would have coflec and a rubber at whist. "Xe — ne — no c — c — cards," interposed the ^lajor, reddening: ** ne — ne — no cards. I must inter — di — di — diet ca — ca — cards altogether." ""Well, then. I'll play you a game at chess," replied the tractable O'Dicey. " So be it,'' assented the Major, equally affable. Coffee presently came, and while it and the Mceieras were circulating, the waiters cleared away the wine aud dessert, and brought in the chess-board. As luck would have it, it contained a pack of cards, which Curlew immediately pocketed; and having seen the !Major and O'Dicey apparently deeply absorbed in their game, he invited ]\Ir. AVanless to ecarte, at a convenient table placed immediately behind the ^lajor. " He'll never notice us," whispered Curlew, with a knowing chuck of the head. And forthwith the two sat down and began to play. Captain Gammon looking on and backing Wanless, who had very much the best of it, so much so, indeed, that Jasper gladly closed with Gammon's offer to go halves in his bets. And the more Curlew frowned and growled, and Ijit his lips, the more luck seemed to go against him. The two games then proceeded noiselessly together. At length the Major, by a most masterly manoeuvre, completely overcame his antagonist at chess, and rising triumphantly from his chair, seemed to awake to the reality of there being other people in the room. " Holloa ! " exclaimed he, looking wildly round, " Holloa, cards. AVhon did they come in ? " Just then Wanless again turned up the king, when Curlew PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 101 dashed down liis cards with an oath, declaring he was never so out of hick in his hfe. " "Well, my dear I'ellow, you would play," said Wanless, consol- ing him. " Would play ? " growled Curlew, diving into his pocket for his jiurse. " I did it as much to oblige you as anything else." " Then oblige me by handing me over three sovs.," observed ]Mr. Wanless, dryly. "And me three," added Gammon, holding out his hand for the money. " AV'hat I " exclaimed the astonished Major, " have you been playing for mo — mo — money ? " " Money, ay, to be sure. What do you suppose we play for ? " asked Wanless. " Why, I thought we were to have a (juiet, innocent evening. C)T)icey and I have been playing for love." " Ah, you look like a man for that sort of game," retorted Oammon. "Su])pose you take a turn now at the other thing." " Not I," responded the Major, firmly. While this was going on, little Curlew handed Gammon his three sovereigns, who, in dividing them ^^ith Jasper, proposed tossing up for the half one. This being agreed to, Gammon covered a sovereign in the palm of his hand, and Jasper crying heads it came heads, and our friend pocketed the two sovereigns with great gusto. "Not a bad evening's work," thought he. "A good dinner and a couple of sovereigns for eating it." The orthodox Major then looked at his watch as if he were going away, but little Curlew crying out for his revenge, Mr. Wanless gallantly took up the gauntlet, and changing seats prepared to give him it. The stakes were doubled and the betting increased : but luck went against the little man, and when at the end of half-an-hour he came to settle his losses, his smart gold-spangled blue purse seemed likely to be entirely denuded of Its contents. Jasper still going halves with the Captain, came in for three more sovereigns as his share of the venture, and now felt as if he had got into the real unmistakeable way of making money. The exchange of sovereigns and nice crisp Bank of England notes is far more conducive to play than counters or I. O. U's., which may mean anything or nothing. So all parties thus became excited, and even the Major showed a dis])osition to nibble, lie no longer "inter — di — ^di — dieted cards," but hovered about the taltle like a moth flickering at a candle. It was not, however, until after the waiters had come jingling in with jugs, tumblers, and K})oons, and the black bottles of courage, that he took any decided part in the play, and then he appeared to do it more for the sake of confoi'niity than l"rom any desire to win money. !Sherry-and-water, and brandy-and-watei-, 102 ri.A 1 y < > I! 1! I X ( : i. e ts ? ami i:in-:nul-\vator liavo w very stiinulatini;- infliioru'o; and O'Diccy, liavinn' plieil our fritiul .lasjuT with a s »if excitement. 7v'(V/y7(' was still the jjame, fresh players i^oing in every now and then. O'Dicey amon^'st the numher, who ([nickly turned tlie heretofore winnini; uame a.tjainst our friend, and was SMcccided by Ca})tain (ianunon, who pronn'sed to retrieve their waniuii' fortune if Jasper Avould back him 4 ri.Aix oi: luxa LETS? "Oil, I ildn't iiu'an lUdiU'V (iiiwii,"" iejtiini.'(l CiirU'W ; "I don't nu'iui nuuicy (U>\vn, but a stateiueiit of how wo stand."' " All, to 1)0 suro, tliat's most do-do-siral)lo,"' olisorvod tlio iFajoiv '* tliat's most do-dc-siraMo ; but as to ii-p-paviiifx, no man can p-p-jmy what lio owes ovor the c-co-counter, as it wore." "Certainly not,"' replied ()"l)icoy, "certainly not ; crotb't is the soul of commerce, and why not of cards ? liot ns see then how each stands, and then we can talk about scttlini:-."' Our friends then resolved themselves into a finance committee^ and the process of "10 U-in^v' and " U Me-inir," commenced, and ]>roceodod vijjforonsly, each debtor being exceedingly comjdai- sant to his creditor, assenting to whatever sum he claimed. And what with one claim and another, they brought our friends Gam- mon and Jasper in debtors to above four thousaiid pounds ; sO' much to this man, so much to tliat, so much to a third ; and as Captain CJammon, who was equally implicated, did not dispute any claim, our greatly disconcerted hero could not do so either. This, the last, account being at last adjusted, ^Mr. ()'J)icey recapitulated the whole as against the partners, and taking a hasty retrospective view of affairs — the amount they had won — the sum Jasper was said to be good for — together with the insidious glances from l>eneath the suspicious Spanish hat — he determined to make the bold couj), and go for the whole. " ]\Iay just as well 'stonish tho governor with a cheque for four thousand as for two," thought O'Dieey, conning the final proposition in his mind. " Well now ! " exclaimed he, diving his hands up to the hilts in his peg-top trousers pockets ; " Well now, let's see, we are all in the same boat, winners of Mr. Goldspink : suppose, as he's a stranger, and it's not pleasant winning money of young men, that we all join in a double or quits toss, and that Avill include Gam- mon's trifle too. It is not pleasant Avinning money of a young friend in that way," muttered he, frowning, and shaking from side to side, as though the very idea was repugnant to him. The Major said it wasn't nice, and the other worthies appa- rently assenting, one cut with the cards was ultimately agreed upon. Jasper turned up the Queen of Hearts, which O'Dieey im- mediately capped with the King of Spades, and of course, the debt was doubled. " What luck ! " " Did ever anybody see such luck ! " "I tliink I never saw anything like it in all my life ! " exclaimed the gamblers, with well feigned astonishment, scattering themselves light and left in dismay ; in the midst of which. Gammon drew Jasper aside by the arm, and wliispered him to leave off, or he- would inevitably ruin them both. Our fat friend then stood gaping, wondering how he was ever to get out of the dilemma. And this well-intentioned effort to extricate him having unfor- tunately failed, the gamblers again gathered together to try and PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 105 make the best settlement they could under this perverse aspect of affairs. ]\Ir. "Wanless, suddenly recoUectin^u- that he was engaged to join a shooting party in Worcestershire, and might not have the plensure of meeting them again. " It was lucky," he said, "if he hadn't the cash, that he had the wherewithal for procuring it," producing sundry bill stamps from his red leather pocket-book as he spoke ; which Caj^taiu Gammon seeing, suggested that Mr. Goldspink and he might settle the same way. "You seem to have plenty of paper there, AVanless ; suppose you let my friend and I have the use of some of it," "With all my heart," replied the obliging gambler; "with all my heart. Take whatever will suit your purpcse," handing over a whole sheaf of bill-stamj)s, two shilling ones, ten shilling ones, fifteen shilling ones, one pound ones. " By Jove, but you must deal in large sums," observed C.aptain Gammon, eyeing their amounts. " It will be nothing to a man of your means to take our little debt upon you as well." " Thank'ee, Gammon, thank'ee," replied Wanless. " I find it's about as much as I can do to pay my own way. Those stamps are meant to cover a multitude of mercantile transactions in all <|uarters of the globe." " IjIcss you, AV'anless is one of the largest men in the city of London," observed Mr. O'Dicey. " I'm dashed if I had half his means, but I'd have the longest string of horses at Newmarket, and hunt Leicestershire into the bargain." " Ah, would you, my friend," replied Wanless. " I know where you'd very soon be if you did. But come," continued he, sorting his stamps, " if I give you," addressing Curlew, " an ' on demand ' for your money, I 'spose that will do ? " " Oh, certainly," replied Curlew ; "certainly, an I U is enough for me." " May as well make it a negotiable instrument," oliservcd the great merchant, getting the ink-stand, and seating himself in a business-like way at the table. He then drew out a promissory- note in favour of Curlew, ])ayablc on demand at AFessrs. (Jingleton and Decimal's bank, and presented Curlew therewith, who received it with as much gratitude as if it had been a real transaction. Wanless then paid a similar compliment to the Major, amid the usual protestations of "No occasion, no occasion; any ti-ti-timo will do for me." And having thus settled his own obligations, he Avas appealed to by the innocent (iammon, who really knew nothing of such matters, to see if he could put Mr. (Joldspink and himself in the way of settling too. "Let me see," said the man of metal, considering matters. '• Let me see. You two gentlemen are ])artnei's, each owing the same amount. 0, I should say, the shoi'tcst ])lan would be to draw ou each other in favour of tiic parties to whom y(ju owe the money." i"<; /'/. i/.v on i:i .\<; i.irrs f "All, but how to do it's tlu' ([in'stioii," ri'})lied Ganinioii. " 0, I'll soon show yoii how to do it," rcplii'd Mr. Wanlcsg, " Please to ijive me those staiiijis here," appealing' Let O'Dicey, who Mas examininir the collection with the j^n-eatest curiosity, as if he had never seen anythini; of the sort before, llavinj:; ^ot them i>ack, and ascertained the sums, with the names of the hanks at which they were to he made payable, Mr. Waidess selected appro- ]iriate paper, and proceeiled to spread it out, preparatory to lillini; i:i \(; i.irrs f wtrk as tlu>y niij^'lit otlicrwiso do in :i ynir. There is also anntluT atlvnntn<:e, iminelv, that the lady lias no uecasion to conceal her love, letting "it l\'i>(l on lier damask eheek like a worm i' the ImkI ;" for "(jniek"' is the word, and parties conic to the — *'\\hat havc-yt)n-jLrot ? and what-will-you-do ? "-point (|uiekly. ciUtinj:: the cable if things don't suit, and niooriiiEj the man if they do. Thus lonj; courtships arc avoided, and dilatory young gentle- uien spurred U[) to the jtoint, who miuht otherwise jj;o on sighing- and dyin^- i'or years. In our particulai- case, Jasper miiiht have served a re^-ular apprenticeship to Miss Ilosa, still kccpinji- himself free and t)ther admirers otf; for men have not the same taste for cuttiiii; eai-h other out that ladies have, aiul acce])t encouragement as a sign of enuagcment, or of the ladies' willingness to be en- gaged. As even a Comet, however brisk and fiery, cannot make perpetual summer, still less replenish people's purses, so the wan- ing season, and the still more waning sovereigns, at length Avarned Mrs. McDermott that she ought to be giving that clear week's notice from the day of entry, without which greedy uttermost- farthing-landlords too often insist upon another week's rent. 8ave ou the stage, the closing scene is undoubtedly the weak one any- where — at a watering-])lace in i)articular, I'or there seems no end to the liabilities — the bills come showering in at the last moment — the parties' gratitude being generally in the inverse ratio to their receipts — large bills, small thanks — each man biting as though he thought that bite would be the last — thus sending forth good Avalking advertisements against his house for evermore instead of parties to reconnnend him. Then when the ominous '• Let " appears in the window, comes the unpleasantness of living in public for the rest of the time, it being open to any idle inquisi- tive person to come and look at the rooms to see who the parties are in them, or how they live. 80 the occupants are exhibited along with the furniture, much in the manner of the inmates of a club, only in a club the liabilities are general instead of being per- sonal on the lady. And as ladies always want to see every thing from the attics down to the cellar, a good quick-eyed woman — such as Mrs. Ti'attles — would be able to form a tolerable idea of the ways and means of the party — compo-candles, cold mutton, and so on, just as the insolvent dandy indicated the sort of allow- ance he thought he could manage to keep l)ody and soul together upon, when he said "a Avax candle and Ehu do Cologne " one. The Paul Pry system of pei-secution Ijeing very popular at Roseberry Rocks, and our heroine making the house rather a marked one, Mamma and Miss suliered a good deal from this sort of intrusion, the annoyance of which was not lessened by one old lady — Mrs. Saucefield — pretending to take Jasper for the drawing- master as he sat beside JMiss with her sketch-book, and begging she might not interrupt Miss Rosa in her lesson. Another day. MRS. AND THE MISSKS JF.WIsOV. [J'. 109. PLAIN OR lilNGLETS? 109 a wliole troop of balloon-like Mies JeATisons came circling- in with ]\[amma, criticisino- the rooms, and turning up their oiley hook noses at every thing, talking- as though such accommodation might do very well for some people, it wouldn't at all do for them. Then when they got into the street, an observer in the balcony might see their machincry-lace shrouded shoulders rising with laughter as the gaudy bonnets got together, and each party recounted the result of her observation ; one what a pair of •dirty stockings were hanging over the chair in the bed-room ; another, that somebody's hair-brushes would be better of washing ; a, third had seen a roll of house flannel hid under the drawing- room sofa ; a fourth would have liked to have had a psep into the ottoman ! while j\Iamma declared the larder -was filthy, and the kitchen a shame to be seen. Next came the dread house- agent, Mr. Worrypenny, with his ominous red-backed book and pencil to go through the furniture and check the dilapidations. Then what a list of casualties appear ! Every thing seemed to be more or less injured — cracks, rends, and tears — all the more extraordinary, as Worrypenny said, because there were not no childer. Still he made the most of them. The drawing-room chairs were all more or less damaged in the joints (most likelv from the fat boy swinging upon them), -while those regular annuities to lodging-letters, the easy chairs, had wholly "gone down, and now stood, or rather lounged, in the corners' of the room. The commonest crockery could not be matched save at a matchless expense ; and the old kitchen utensils were declared to have been wholly worn out in ]\Irs. McDermott's service. So what with Chousey at one end, and Worrypenny at the other, the estimates for the visit were rather exceeded. That, however, is nothing uncommon, as most of our readers are aware. no ri.iix oi; i;i .\(! i.irrs CWWIVAI XXIT. TiiK TKNi»i:ii vnov I'AiiKiKi) Till; in:rAUTi-ui:— TiiK ncsE- i'.i:i;i;v lax'Ks station. HEX the "Let" is in the window and the hxdics arc seen flitting; from shop to shop askinfj for their bills, and those great liorse god-mothers, the bath- ing women, are touting for their tips, it is abont time for young* gentlemen to be mak- ing up their minds, and perhaps for young ladies too, provided they can manage it. So thought our iriend, ~Mv. Admiration Jack, who, thongli ill no hurry to interrupt the pleasant interlocutory process, yet thought that !Miss Rosa would be expecting the delicate offer, and that he ought to 1)0 making it. He had no doubt that she was dcs])erately in love with him, and was only afraid that Mamma might think he was trifling with her beautiful daughter's feelings, if he did not make it. But for this he would have prefen-ed going on a little longer in the eyeing, sighing line, rather than bring matters to a crisis and precipitate those terrible inquiries that immediately follow on the heels of an offer, and prove the downfall to so many flattering pros] leets. He knew by sad experience what a sudden revulsion takes place as soon as the smoothly gliding broad gauge of sentiment is exchanged for the jolting cross-roads of the end of the journey. How the heretofore smiling affal)le Mamma suddenly becomes serious — talks of the responsibility of her situation, as if something had happened she was quite unprepared for, and from being all ease and confidence takes to asking the most ]iointed pertinent questions that ever were propounded. No Old liailey BaiTister, no Detective Policeman, can probe a pocket with such dexterity as some comely matter-of-fact mothers. They CITMDS 1\ liol m. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? Ill will almost find out how ranch money a man has in his purse at the moment, and yet appear to be thinking of something else all the while. All this ]\rr. Bunting knew and felt, and he would gladly have postponed the day of reckoning were it not that our fair friend's departure from the Rocks, opened as it were, a fresh epoch in the matter, and made it necessary either to come to a direct under- standing or to make arrangements for carrying on the siege. Our fat friend from the country gave him little uneasiness, for he could never suppose that any young lady would prefer such an uninterest- ing looking cub as Jasper to himself So after due consideration of the matter, reviewing the cause of former failures — all of which he now considered most fortunate — he came to the conclusion that this uris the right young lady, and that he ought to be offering to " love and to cherish her," or, as the countryman repeated it, " to go to London for cherries for her." In a general way the offer does not require much making. The lady is often far more afraid that she won't get it than that she will. To have an admirer and not bring him to book is con- sidered unskillful. The most hopeless suitors are often en- couraged for the mere vanity of the thing ; so much admired, so many offers, which are strung together just as boys string eggs upon a line. This big one l^rown, this green one Jones, this yellow one Robinson. It is only in cases like the present, where the lady has two strings to her bow, that there is any difficult}', the danger of course being that of saying " Yes " to the wrong- one. Not that the lovely ones care much for throwing a man over, but then it requires a little dexterity, and it is best when the right man comes first and the other is let gently down amidst a profusion of good wishes and gratitude. The difficulty is in knowing which is the right one, and as everybody flatters and magnifies up to the offer, a lady may well Ije bewildered. It is not until the thing is considered settled that people begin to pull the parties to pieces, find out that the young lady has nothing and the gentleman is all faults. In this case there had been great fluctuations both in the minds of Miss Rosa and Mannna as to the relative pretentions of our suitors, Miss not unfrequently leaning towards the Castle, which she thought would be so nice t<> date her letters from, and Mamma dwelling on the solid advantage of our Banker, who had money enough to build whatever he liked with. At this juncture Mr. Bunting's pretensions had rather im.proved in consequence of young Plutus's pj^rapado with the cards getting bruited abroad, and of course finding its way to Sea-View Place. The amount lost, though large, was greatly exaggerated, besides which Mannna thought the mere fact of Jasper's playing was greatly against her beautiful daughter's happiness. Rosa could Ill' ri.iix <>/: i:i .\t; i.i:ts/ not always In* with him i.> ki-op him riu^ht, iulded to wliidi his hi'foiv-inontiotu'il iiitimacy with tlu' Ostlvr's son at home, which slio usi'd to make h^ht of. was now uikKt the luiirlicial iiilhiciu'i' of rompi'tition ln-oiiLiht more iiromiiu'iitiy foi-waid. Oh tluar ! she lu'-jan to l)e ahiniu'il. Altoi^a-ther the JJiiiitiiiif riiiids rosi' a a httU' ; !Mamma was more smilinii", ami Miss nioro wiiininii;. It she did not (.'iiconraj^L' an ollVr slie at all uvonts showed no dis- position to let y\r. linntinLT jr<>. It is a subtle i;anie that of *• Who has the heart;'*' which nobody can fathoni who is not in the secret. Sometimes one seems to have it, sometimes the other, just like the pea under the thimlile. Like the pea and the thimble, too, it is a danjjerous one ; for though comi)ctition may ]irodnee ardour and emulation, yet one suitor backing out may frighten away the other, and so leave the fair maiden lonely at last. Then the ladies will rise in rejirobation of her conduct — censure her heartless duplicity — declare she is rightly served — and say they don't pity her in the least. Xo matter how ill soever a woman behaves to a man let him never complain, let him, •• leave her to the ladies, And to those thorns that in her bosom lodge, To prick and sting her ; " they will do the business amongst them. Mr. Bunting having settled in his own mind that he ought to lie advancing nearer the fortifications of tlie heart, proceeded to take advantage of the opjiortunities their walks afforded for inquiring more particularly into the whereabouts of their country residence, the summer fetes, the Avinter balls, the hunting, the shooting, the coursing capabilities generally. From her he learnt that the county, like most others, was divided into two sets ; that the venison-giving Duke of Tergiversation reigned over one party, and Lord Lavender over the other ; that tlie Duchess gave splendid balls, and the Duke magnificent dinners ; that the shooting was very good, and the coursing ])articnlarly so, though, lady like, she ratlier confused the greyhounds with Jonathan Jobling's harriers — not an unnatural mistake, seeing that they are both licensed to kill hares. The mention of Jonathan's harriers elicited the fact that the Duke kept foxhounds, whose Scotch huntsman, ^Ir. Haggis, was always at variance with Jonathan for disturbing their country. '' Perfect repose," Miss Rosa, observing, " being essential to the comforts of a fox." Altogether she drew such a flattering picture of their county society and sports, that ^Ir. Lunting became quite enamoured of it. He really should like to pay it a visit. ]\Iiss said nothing. A man with a couple of horses might sec a good deal of sport, he supposed. FLA IN OR RINGLETS? 113 Miss supposed lie might. This was drawing' on, and another question, "Would she be glad to see him ? " would about settle the point. Miss felt the coming pressure and stepped a little on to Mamma, who was swinging her brown parasol leisurely in front, apparently out of eai"-shot but just within hearing. Our hero put on also and was presently jilongside of our heroine again. '' Would she be glad to see him if he came ? " enquired he, soito voce. Miss pretended not to hear. *• What is that bird ? " asked she. " Is it a cormorant ? " pointing with her pink-laced parasol to one over-head. Mr. Banting looked up. " No, a crow, a carrion crow," replied he, turning to see if there was any confusion visible in her face. No, she was quite composed. She couldn't have heard him, thought he. Just then they came to the anti-crinoline revolving stile at the bottom of Verbena Lane, and Mamma having gone in and out cle\'er, ]\[iss came up measuring her circumference with its capabilities and wishing herself well through. She wondered her ]\Iamma had come that way from the Downs when there were so many others open to her, where they would not have met anyone, meaning Jasper. Slie then put down her parasol, and contracting her dimensions with both hands, placed herself in the obstacle while her gallant swain worked the wheel find got her through without crease or injury. " Thanks," smiled she, fluffing herself out, as she tripped away from the trap. Mr. Bunting then revolved on his own account, and quickly followed her. " I must put that question again," thought he, as lie regained his position. ]\Iamma, however, was rather too near. " What a beautiful sunflower ! " exclaimed he, drawing Miss Rosa's attention to a great staring one in a little paled garden on the left of tlie lane. Miss stopped to look and thought it was a large one. Didn't know that she particularly admired sunflowers though. Well, JMr. Bunting didn't know that he did either, but still they were showy. That diversion led them back into the country, and enabled Mr. Bunting to get Miss Rosa into her flower-garden at I'rivett (Jrovc fimong the verlienas, the heliotropes, the pansies, &c. Mr. Bunting became suddenly fond of flowers and would like to dig her garden for her. Miss said nothing. "Would she let him ?" "Yes, if he liked," rejilicd she dryly. "Well, but would she be glad to see him ? " asked lie, returning to the old (|uestion. Ill ri.Ajy i>i: i:i m; i.ktu? "' MdiiniKi will bo irlad to sec you." rcpliod tlic skilful tactician, trip]>iiiij u|) to Ikt parent. " Manuna will hv i^dad tn sec yini," muttered iMr. Buntinir, repeat inii' tlie answer, lie had mvei' liad siicli a one before. Wjmt did it mean ? IWit ere lie could arrive at any satisfactory Solution of the mystery, the ladies tni-ned from the bye-lain' into the senii-seclndetl region of Poplar Place, where under '• the variabk' shade I'.y Ihi.' litrht (luiveiiiit,' aspen made." poor ^[iss Snowball was taking' a last .sad adieu of Ca})tain Laniruisher (the writings not suil;inj;-), and our friend feeling that he had done as much as was necessary to propitiate ^lanima and entitle him to continue his ad\ances. restored his conversation into its usual airy nothingness, amidst a sufficiency of which he accompanied the ladies to their door. He was not asked in, Itecause friend Jasper was expected to be there, as in truth he was, lolling on the ricketty sofa, I'cading /ielPs Life in London of the previous Sunday. And ^fr. hunting being thus bowed off, the ladies entered the house, and Miss nodding Mamma into the dining-room, recounted what our hero had said, to which Mamma thought Rosa had given a capital answer. Miss then tripped up- stairs to the drawing -master, and received him as though she thought of nobody but him. Xo crow, no sunflower, no garden, no nothing was visible in her sweetly smiling face. Though we left ^Ii.ss Rosa with the drawing-master, it was not for the purpose of superintending the performance of her crayons, but for the un.sentimental one of preparing for their journey home. It was arranged they should all go together. " Time was hup," as the old stage-coachmen used to say when they disturbed the passengers at their hasty meals, and another day would see them all otF. The last day at any place is always a testy, dis- agi'eeable one ; half the things one wants are packed up, and every room has a littery, untidy look. The servants are hurried and jaded, what l)etween their own business and ours, and don't know what to do first. Then tiresome ])eople keep calling, knoAving that we '• will be at home to them,'' and so the day wears on without getting half through the work. The meals are ill-cookc^l and uncomfortal)le — breakfast on the day of departure particularly so — all odds and ends together. Then just as we are starting, come the last of the lingering bills, those that won't bear inspec- tion ; the milkman with that marvellous score ; the publican with an equally long one ; the baker for su])plementary muffins. "Who, in the midst of cfirding, and tieing, and directing, can resuscitate the memory of those manifold measures ? Xothing for it, but to pay and resolve never to have any bills for the future, I PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 115 pay for evcrythino- at the time, soap, sand, suo-ar, sticks, and all. But wlien the next time comes we just go on as before, being sure we can remember what is got. But let us away. The " key "' delivered to the dirty charwoman, then come the cabs for the voluminous crinoline and innumerable parcels and packages that stuff every pocket and tower upon the roof, making the cab look like a haystack. Heavens, how it would have astonished a stage- coachman of the olden time to have seen the quantity of luggage each passenger claims to have carried now-a-days ! Dress has made a marvellous spring since the introduction of railways. Ladies, whose mothers used to get all their things into a moderate sized box and a carpet-bag, travel with great piano- forte-case-like packages, so numerous that they are obliged to be numbered for fear they forget how many they have. And the more they take, the more they want to take, till each lady looks as if she ought to have a luggage-van to herself. Then, to see them attempt the entry of a moderate sized carriage ; the utter dispro- portion of the door to the "object," as it may well be called, that seeks admission ! The absurdity of fashion might be tolerated if it inconvenienced only the wearer ; but when one lady extends herself to the size of two, she necessarily takes up the room of two, and must exclude some one else from a seat. A family coach has now no chance of accommodating a family. One full-blown sister must go instead of two natural sized girls. The only advantage we see in the absurdity is, that it forms a sort of graduated scale of gentility : the more extravagant a woman is in her hoops, the less inclined we are to think her a lady. It is only the vulgiir who go into extremes, and make themselves look like curtains to bathing-machines. Well, at length all is ready for a start in Sea-View Place. Mamma and Miss take last looks at themselves in the mirror, hop- ing they have not forgotten anything, and down they proceed on the descent of the stairs to the cabs. The jirivileged beggar is at the street door, hat in hand, hoping for residuary halfpence, and numerous noses are flattening against the wiiulows of the adjoining houses to see the fair visitors depart, who s<|ueeze into their fly, amidst the speculations by the lair as to the probable result of the visit, and wondering what Miss's name Avill be next. Bang goes the door ; " Station ! " cries the footman ; whip goes the driver, and away the top-heavy vehicle rolls along the east end of Sea- View Place, and so into Triton Lane, making for the broad Victoria Road, leading to the railway. " Sto]) ! " suddenly cries ]\riss Rosa, starting uj) in her seat, as they divei'ge into Triton Lane. " AYhat's the matter ? " asks Mamma, looking if Rosa has left her watch. The watch is there, but she has forgotten our old friend the musical snuff-box, though she had put it on the centre of the I 2 in; /'/. i/.v III; /;/.v^•^7•;7^•/ in!Uik'l-)>ii'C.\ on |uir|toso Miat slu- iniLjht see nnd carry it away ia lior Imiul. U'slie lia I ]n\l it on tlie ceiitre of the table, slic most likely would, l)!it what lady can b? expected to see anythiiij^ save her own pretty face above the mantel-piece. " Stop I " cries ^lamma, ]>okin'j: the i'ootman in the bark thrnn^h tlie let-down front wiiidnw with her parasol. '^ Slop f repeats hi- to the driver, and forthwith tJK' cumbrdus vehicle stops, and .Ic>hn Thomas is tonehint,^ his hat at. the door. **()h, dear !" exclaims Mrs. ;M(d)ermott, in a half timid, half projiitiatory tone, "Oh dear! Tm afraid we've forgtjtten the musical box. It's on the drawini: /;/.V'././;7'S/ iii'T t»f tlotirs, mill showini: of licki'ts, the iiicxtnalile whistle :it li'n.i^th souiidcil and the train hoi^an to innvc, Miss Uosa iravo him one of those assiirin>^' smiles that compK-tely pre veil ted any idea of hvv I'ViT bcin«r aiiylmdy I'lsi-'s than his. And as the ]>nnin^', snort- inj; oni: i:i .\nt few, very few people ])leaded guilty to being town-stayed altogether. Those who did, lahoiu'ed hard to prsuade him that this was the most sociable time of the year, when pi'ople saw their friends without fuss or ceremony, and met with but indifterent success iu their exertions. Here, however, le^iving him for the present, let ns follow our fair friend to Privett drove. The first thing that strikes a returning traveller after a visit to great places, is the extreme smallness and littleness of everything he before thought great and good. It is the same sort of feeling that pervades a man on revisiting the scene of his school-boy days, when he finds lofty hills reduced to very low ones, lai'gc houses become extremely small, and broad rivers mere brooks. Thus it was with our fair friends on their return from Roseberry Rocks. Everything seemed stunted and dwarfed. The well-laurelled drive from the Thorn Tree Road up to the house seemed narrow and short ; the house contracted, the trim lawn lessened, and the garden half its former size. But it is the small country towns that show to most disadvan- tage after visiting such places as London or Roseberry Rocks. The people seem so sleepy and sIoav — the shops so small and un- stocked — the keepers so easy and stupid. They are generally eat- ing, and don't seem to care much whether they serve a customer or not. Ho it was with the star-fish-shaped town of ]\Iaytield, stretching its finger-like streets out upon the rich green meadows around. One sucli is a type of the whole. A squai'e stone- towered church on one side of a market-place, a brick town-hali upon arches in the middle, with a iieiix-tually "going" but never gone mugger behind, large stone or flaming red brick houses with green doors and bright brass knockers alternating with inns and smaller houses around, and the aforesaid finger-like streets stretch- ing out in all directions, generally tapering towards turnpike-gates in the distance. And yet these outlandish places generally contain an amazing amount of comfortable self-complacency — the resi- dents thinking there are no such people as themselves, that they give the tone to the rest of the Avorld. The men stand staring with their great gummy hands deep in their trousers-pockets, criticising each horse and passer-by, and regulating the affairs of the nation, while the ladies sweep about like meandering shower- baths, thinking they set the fashion and all others follow them. PLAIN OR BINGLETS? 121 Then on a Thursday, the market-day, when the natives ferment into activity, what a couiilomeration of eonse(|UCuce takes place, town and country stupidity amalgamate, and everything is settled off-hand — George Brown, the wise man of the place, saying a thing, and everybody else repeating it, for what " George" says must he right, and from his decision there is no appeal. It was on a fine autumnal day that our fair friend drove herself and Mamma in their neat l)asket-carriage drawn by the pretty white pony, Miss, with her glossy hair in braids, under the piquant Spanish hat and l)lue feather, into the good town of Mayfield, just at the high 'Change of market time, to the delight of the Haw- bucks and the charm of the Chawbacons, who declared they had never seen "nothin' so pretty afore." She created quite a sensa- tion. Mrs. Winheld, the eating-house-keeper, desisted from carving a goose ; Mr. Sanders, the grocer, upset all the currents ; Geordey Ribstoue, the itinerant apple-man, trundled his laden barrow over Mrs. Cream, the butter-woman's toes ; while Mr. Shepherd, the grazier, who was handling a heifer, broke clean away, and came bounding over the cattle-pens to get a nearer look at the lady. All were in ecstasies about her, and her health was drunk at the farmers' ordinaiy at the Fox and Hounds, the Hare and Hounds, and the (rreyhound and Hai-e. Still Miss felt the insignificance of the triumph, and would gladly have ex- changed it for a glorious hour at Roseberry Rocks — with the gentlemen all praising, and the ladies abusing her. And when having piu'chased a pennyworth of pins at one place, and a half- pennyworth of ribbon at another, she drove to Mrs. Muslins, the •modiste at the corner of Hay Street, who has her millinery on one side of the shop, and books and muffins on the other. Rosa saw a painful difference between it and Madame Bei'gamotte's beautiful bonnet-shop, to which she had paid so many satisfactory visits. And having looked at the " AVorld of Fashion," and bought the current Number of " Punch," she resumed her charioteership, and trotted briskly up the south side of the Market Place to our banker's private door. Mrs. Goldspink, of course, being at home, the pony was left in charge of the boy, while " Sairey," the maid, announced the visitors ; and the healthy looks and smart hat having been duly discussed, our ti'sivellers ])roceeded to pour out all their watering-place exploits and intenigence, Mamma drawing Mr. l>unting's name to and fro in a triumphant sort of way, as if to let Mrs. Goldspink see they were not wholly dependent upon Jasper. That genius was playing skittles at the Peai' and liagged Staff skittle-ground, and this being market-day, and the time of year when farmers mortgage their stack-yards to raise the forthcoming rent, our Banker himself sported his oak or rather liis wainscot. j-j-j /•/..! /.v tn; i;i \(; i.irrsi' on whii'h was nailed a card cuiitaiiiinLC the IdlluwiiiLi: charactcrif:! ic notice : — " (^)ill on )i Husiiu'ss man in lUisini'ss lliiuis only lini^Ii liis I'.usiiicss." • M AVil 1:1, 1) 1!ank. •• i:.^t„hi;.~unting, if she liked. Their Jasper was not a young man to be sneezed at. Indeed she didn't know such anotiier. and altogether Mrs. (loldspink was not very well pleased, and thought that the " girl '' looked a great deal better with her hair in ringlets tliau as she now had it. Wished she mightn't have got her head turned by her trip. PLAIN on RINGLETS? 123 CHAPTER XXIV. SIVIN AXD FOUn's KLIVIN — 3IR. CUCUMBKR- TERGIVERSATIOX. -THE DUKE OF l.THOUGH old Siviii and Four was one of that numer- ous tribe who see no lieauty in anythino- but a good balance- sheet, yet the instinctive prompt- ings of an ambitious wife, coupled with the fact of his odious rival Mr. Dibworth having set up a country house (Dis- count Park as it was called, its real name being Daisy Bank), made him rayther incline to follow suit — pro- vided, of course, he could do so without any very grievous sacrifice of his be- loved cash. It took liim a long, long time, and many careful calculations, before he came to any such ■conclusion. " Sivin and four's elivin,'" he used to begin in the gloomy solitude (if his sweating room, with the pertinent notice outside, "Sivin and four's elivin, and sivin's eighteen, and three's twenty-one, don't know that it would cost much more to live in the country than it does here, and eight is twenty-nine — might kill one's own mutton and save twopence i' pund that way, and nine is thirty-eight — would have to keep a chay, but then the nag would lead the coals, and sivin is foi'ty-five — might turn him to account in /■/. i/.v <>i: i:i sc i.irrs f tri'i's rich in the hixiiriiini'f of tlicir aiitimiiiiil tiiiis. Nur did the l>ark appal him, nor the frowniiiii' jj:ati'8, the massive loop-hidi-d walls, till' inner walls, the moat, the hastion or the bridge, he seemed to jmss throiiLch everythin<,^ jis a nniiter of conrse, and after a rnmhlc under the Irownini:- jxtrtenliis, the nctiseiess sweoj) of a Wood-paved eonrt-yard hroiij^dit him np short at a little door on the left of the vt-stibnle. "Shall I rinutler, nor a clerk of the kitchen, nor a confectioner, nor a cook, nor a house-porter, nor a footman, nor a running footman ; neither did he fill any of the various out-of-door offices enumerated PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 127 ill the list, being in point of fact neither more nor less than :i dun-stopper, and therefore we should think as exempt from duty as old Willy Walker the earth-stopper who shuts the foxes out of their homes for the Duke's hounds. Be that, however, as it may, dun-stoppini!,- was Cucumber's forfe, and he was extremely expert at it. From his easy chair on the central tower, he could sweep all the convero-ing- roads to the castle, select such vehicles as should pass, and arrange such a string of excuses for those to be turned, as were never surpassed. He was always " so sorry " the Duke wasn't in — would have been so happy to have seen Mr. Maskell, Mr. Lewis, or whoever it was. His (Irace was just gone to Orbelle Petty Sessions, or had left not half an hour before for Tidswell Tower. Wondered Mr. So-and-So hadn't met him. And there was such a frank open air about his hearty face that none but a trickster could doubt his sincerity. Even if the Duke was seen meandering about among the laurels and evergreens of the shrubbery, composing, as was his ^vont, an explosion for Parliament, Cucumber would declare it wasn't him — "some person very like him though," he would say. So he smoothed them, and liquored them, and sent them away, trusting to cliance for a better excuse another time, iia^'ing• the run of the Duke's letters, he easily divined what had brought the old corouet- winkered and pelican-padded marc to tlie side-door, and collected his faculties as the Banker traversed the somewlnit gloomy corridor leading to his j^resence. A great man's great man is generally a much greater man than the great man himself, and, both in size and importance, the duplicate far surpassed the original. Indeed the Duke, who was generally in difficulties, could be as free and easy as any one when it suited his purpose, while Cucumber having no cares or conten- tions, no l)ills to meet or balances to square, revelled ii'om year's end to year's end in the tranquillity of stately enjoyment. He was always "Mr. Cucumber," tall, portly, and pom])ous, to whom the little children touched their caps in tremlding awe, and tradesmen toadied with obsequious servility. Our great man having had his peep, had resumed his wine and walnuts, when our Banker was announced, and laying down the " Post," he arose from his easy chair, and drawing himself out to his utmost altitude, towered imposingly above the little man, just as one sees a great dog impressing its importance on a little one ])rior to the commencement of a conflict. Mr. Cucumber " was extremely glad to see Mi'. Goldspink " bowing and tendering him the two forefingers of friendship, then motioning him to a seat as he resumed his own. " Sivin and four's elivin, and elivin's twenty-two," ray ther a cool customer tliis, 1 thiidc, poking his hat under his seat, "Must just pitch into liiin witli the book." >So saying our banker dived I'.'s ri..\i.\ (>i: i:i m; hhrrs f into his t^roasy-ino'.itlu'd (Uitsitle roat-itocket, ami tisliiiii; (Hit lirst a dirty smilV-roloun'tl l-aiulana, next a rusty-Iciokiii*,' old ivady- ivckonor, ho finally drew forth that mulliim in jK/nVy the passbook containinir the skinuninu.s of so many transactions, annnitios, jointures, dowi-rs, niortpiires. honds, bills, S:c. "Sivin and four's olivin, and ei<;hteen*s twenty-nine— just called to sjieak to his (Jrace "Itout lus liUle 'cdiint with us," the spokesman (appinu' the ill-ouieiied jtarchment-baeked book with his jiodiry tinnier-nails as he spoke. " Oh, indeed,"' replied ^Ir. Ciicnmber coolly, " wliat the I)a]aiice is uottin;: too jrreat for you to hold for us is it ? "Weil, Christmas is comiiiLi' on, and His (irace will soon draw a little out for you now that he's here."' Sivin and four's clivin. and iiiiicty-iiiuc's a iiiiderd and ten, never heard such an iinpittant dou" in my life, nuiscd tlie Bankci-, eyeinjj Cucumber severely. "No," retorted ]\Ir. Coldspink, with irritated eyes, "not too heavy to hold, but too much over the left to allow of my keeping." " Ah, indeed," rejoined ]\Ir. Cucumber blandly, seeinji' he had gone too far, and recollecting that he had a post-dated cheque of his Grace's that would be about coming due, which he would like to have cashed. "Ah, indeed, sorry to hear that ; but his Grace you know is the most careless man in money matters that was evei' known. However, it will not be an insurmountal)le sum I dessay, and our rent day's coming on which will i)ut all matters right, so take a glass of wine and come back — ^say the ]\Ionday after the rent day — and then see what we can do for you." 8ivin and four's elivin, and sivin eighteen, that won't suit me pondered our friend, looking at his shabby shoes, and sivin's twenty-five — must have a word with the Duke himself to-day ; so settling that matter in his own mind, he next looked the splendid man full in his great prosperous harvest-moon face, set off with a ])rofusion of slightly-frosted curling brown hair and whiskers, and declared that the case was so urgent and necessitous, that nothing but a personal interview with his firace would have the least effect, and he even went so far as to hint that the stability of the Bank — a Bank " stablished sivinteen underd and sivinty-four," might be jeopardised ; and altogether his manner was so urgent and impressive that, used as Cucumber was to the imperative mood, he could not sustain the picture which the banker's fancy had drawn. He thought there must be something in it, and fearing for his own "fifty," he determined to depart from his general rule, and endeavour to get the J)uke to see his unwelcome guest. " Take the paper," said he, handing the banker the " Post," " and I'll try what I can do for you." So saying, Cucumber gave PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 129 his bushy whiskers a renovating brush at the glass, and (h"s- appeared through an invisible door in tiie wainscot. "' That's an impittant chap I'll be bund," said the Banker as the door closed on his exit. He then began thinking what ho should say to the Duke when he got to him. Though the Duke of Tergiversation was stih '' young and curly " as Mr. Disraeli would say, yet his immediate predecessor, Duke Fortunatus Emanuel, had enjoyed such a prolonged reign that his (J race had nearly eaten out his life estate before he gol: possession, an inconvenient position for a nobleman of his Grace's great spending abilities, witli a son, the Earl of Marchhare, now coming on, fully equal to his sire. The consequence was, that the Duke was a good deal importuned by parties wanting their little bills, while he on his part, importuned each successive minister for ])lace or power, or something that would bring him in money. He was not at all scrupulous which side he claimed it from, being of the Walpolean creed that every man has his price, if not on his l)ack, under his coat collar, in the lining of his hat, or somewhere about him. So he Avent on parrying and promising, but seldom or ever paying, it being, as we have already stated, Mr. Cucumber's prerogative to shield his ({race from that dis- agreeable plebeian necessity. Now, however. Cucumber had to take the other side, and learning from Monsieur ^lillefleur that he had got his Grace up for the day, paper boots, satin tie, smart coat, and so on, he stole softly into his Grace's luxurious dress- ing-room, with a well-assumed flurry that plainly bespoke mischief. " What's the matter ? " asiced the Duke who had seldom seen his fidus Achates so discomposed. " Oh dear," whispered Cucumber, "here's that horrid boor of a banker come bothering about his pestilent balance." " send him to the devil ! " retorted the Duke kicking out his right leg as he spoke. " Ah ! but he's in a very stiff" mood," replied Cucumber, "■ and doesn't seem at all inclined to be put off"." " Send him to Mr. Acreage ! send him to IMr. Acreage ! I ■can't have all these l)ase mechanics coming here ! " exclaimed the ])uke indignantly. " AVell, but he's seen Mr. Acreage, and ]Vrr. Acreage can do jiothing for him," replied Mr. Cucumber calmly. "Send him to Mr. Docket then! send him to ^Fr. Docket! He can talk to him better than I can," retorted the Duke. " Ay, but he tells me that it is of the most vital importance that he should see you himself, that in fact (added Cucumber^ .S0//0 voce), the stability of his bank depends on his doing so." "Confound the stability of his bank," muttered the Duke, ^' what have I to do with the stability of his bank ? — honour K i-''t> /■/. i/.v ni; i:i m; i.irrs f t'n(>ii_<:li tli:i( I t ikr liis n;> their halamrs- -'" "The ileuee ! "" exclaimed I lie huke. nd liking that \ iew of the matter. "It will he S(>."' ohserved .Mr. ('iieiind)er, creeijinL;- up to his point. '' But is there anv run upon iIh' did erazv eoneern ? "' asked the Duke. J/r. Ciinniihti . " l)on"t know : imt lie e\idt'ntly e.\pects one, I should say." Tlip iJiike, after a pause. " AVell. well ; tell him if it will restore contidence I will drive up to the door in my carriage and four — four urays you know ! " " P'raps if your (iracc was to see him and say so, it would come hotter from you than from me." " Piot the fellow I I hate the siHed the Duke frowninj^. " I don't see why you can't smooth liim over. You've had as ohstinate fellows to deal with as him." '•True: only a hank, you see," ohserved ^Fr. Cucumber, "is such a ticklish aflair, that a man p"ra])S hardly likes to trust a third person like me." ""Well : but surely the foui- j^niys will do something," observed the Duke soothinjily ; " jDromise him out-riders too, if you like." Cucumber, however, still stood out. He wanted "to get his cheque cashed, and thought obtaining the desired intervieAv Avould be a step in that direetion. So he pressed the Duke to see the- poor man, observing that he could soon get him off his hands again — only to tell Garnett to announce somebody else, and so what with encoin-agements and alarms, he left the JDuke much in the mood of a man about to take a black draught, and inveighing l)itterly against the ingratitude of a man who could take his venison and then ask for his money. Meanwhile Mr. Cucumber retiirned to our friend, and after magnifying the favour he had done him, and charging him not to let out that he had not seen .Mr. Acreage, he passed him on to j\Ir. Garnett to conduct to his Grace, PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 131 I CHAPTER XXV THE INTERVIEW — :MR. DOCKET, " Ah. my clear ]\Ir. Goldspiuk ! " exclaimed the Duke, advanc- \\vx Avitli outstretched hands with all the cheerful cordiality il'.DlAi. i;i;i Kl'IlUN OF mi:. GOI.U'rriM imniiiuablc as our crab-actioned friend followed the smoothly glid- ing Mr. (Jarnett into the presence — "Ah, my dear Mr. (JoUlspink, this is indeed most kind and considerate. First nei|iorty — (inUiic, I>()ric, loiiic', Dutch, and ('liimsc. An old lUuliT of (inr ac(|iiaintanci' nsL'd to say tliat Ids master liad tlnve sorts of malt li(|nor — air, tabic, and lanu-ntabk- ; and so then- may ix' wiid to K- tlirt'C sorts of lawyers, altle, unalik', and lanuntaltle, thf latter of course beiniirchiiscr npjtlirs himsi'lf to rmmiiii;- it down, mid (his wlicllicr nv nut lie consiciiTs till' article worth the inoiiey asked or ii(»t. >^onic t\o il on |»riiieij)le. sonv for pleasure, hut nine people outi of ten do it and think nothinu," iA' tlii' waste of time. To say that our lianker did it would he wholly snperiluous. hut he had hetter liaAc dispensed with the ei-reiuony, i'or each time he demurred Mr. iNtcket added a trillc to the jirlce, till seeiui;- the money inountiuii" up, Mr. (ii)ldspiiik was ohli^ed to elose at a hundred or two more than he nii^ht at lirst have had the estate ibr. And here lea\in<:; the transaction for the present, let us turn to the more iuvit,H)ratin<^ pui-suits of country life. People scatter so far and wide, that ii is {generally >\'oveiuhor iH-fore the country gets cstahlished in the full swing of its sj)orting su[)remacy. Summer has then fairly ahdicated in favour of winter, light clothes have been replaced by warm ones, red coat& Itrought out to air, top-boots reviewed, and Pater familias is surprised to find that he cannot read so well by candlelight as he did in the spring. The transition of nature from heat to cold, thouirh slow and gradual at first, becomes fierce and determined afterwards. First goes the sycamore, that cheerful tree of early s[iring — black spots disfigure its leaves as though there had been a shower of ink. Then the hazel turns yellow, next the beech, then the birch, presently the lime showers oif its leaves in volleys, ••lud the yellow ash stands in bold relief against the sturdy oak. The charms of the garden are gone, the flowers look shabby and dull, while bottles of flics and wasps usurp the place of the late iilooming peach. A sharp white frost or two, followed by drenching rains, finally settles matters ; the oaks turn brown, the rivers iiood their banks, the brooks roar, the country is saturated with wet, and ready for hunting. "Society," as contradistinguished from ''comjiany," then com- mences in the pleasantest easiest form, people asking each other to their houses because it is a convenience to the visitors to come, and not because the host Avants to astonish them with his splendour. J f there wei-e no other argument in favour of field-sports than the sticiality they engender, it would be amply sulficicnt to cany them through, ("onti'ast a country house, from which there is hunting or shooting, Avith one where there is nothing to do, and there will not be mucli doubt about the matt( r. The spoiling furnishes the chief dish in the bill of fare, and with plenty of good ex'crcise, a good appetite, and good spirits, arc sure to be engendered. If there is nothing to do — nothing but cat, eat, eat, a man had better pen himself up in a club, and be stall-fed like an ox. Field- sports should, tliercibre, be encouraged by every legitimate means, not only for the manly spirit they engender, but on account of the inducement they hold out for a resident gentry. Even if the hunting is not so good as may be got elsewhere, there is nothing PLAIN OB 11 1 XG LETS? 137 like a man hunting- from liome. Winter is a precarious season, and if the day proves bad, a man at home need not curn out, he has his l)Ooks or his bills, or his farm, or his something to attend to, whereas, at an inn, or elsewhere, he very likely feels constrained to g'o, if it is only for the sake of something to do. "Touring " is only for bachelors and men without fixed residences. The family man will find it for cheaper to subscribe to hounds at home than desert his affairs by going away, even though he gets his hunting nominally for nothing. The risk and trouble of travelling, the expenses of the journey, the grumbling of the groom, the discomforts of the inn, to say nothnig of the magnitude of the bill, all tend to deter a man from moving. A shooter can put up with a much worse billet than a fox-hunter, because being a summer excursionist he has the fresh air to resort to, while a fox- hunter is housed early in the evening, and must put up with all the nuisances and annoyances so peculiarly the property' of the ]>ritish inn. Shooting — shooting in moderation at least — is a sport that may be enjoyed almost anywhere. It is not necessary to have an array HIS HORSK. Mr. Jock Hag(;ish, or Hajr,|Karmi,' in scarlet coats witli yellow collai' and cnlls. wjiile .lock and his men sported tlie oran<,'e (plush) with cherrv - ••oloureti lininiTs and lacinirs, and the hitter's nnnierical strcnutli was sometimes increased on state occasions hy two or three stahle- inen in phish, withont the chorry-colonred lacinjxs, who fi^aiioiu d frantically abont, takinir a sly cut at a honnd whenever .lock wasn't near. These, with the Dnke himself, were loni;' .Joc^k's j^reat annoyance : bnt Jock was a free-spoken man, and would *' J> "' the Dnke just as s»)on as he wonld anybody else. Now, however, .Jock had got an addition to his troni)les in tiie person of the young Earl of ]\Iarchhare, whose idea of huntini:- consisted in riding at all the impossible places he could find. At the most critical moments of the chase, when perhaps the fox had been coursed by a cur, headed by shooter, oi- the already-failing scent had been rendered less by an imjiending storm, " Swich. crash, hany I '' his lordship would come blundering head-foremost through some impervious-looking place, right into the middle of" the hounds, sending them right and left, laming if not killing one or two. Then .Jock would rise in his stirrups and imprecate the " dighted body" as he called him. wishing liini at "' .Jericho beyond .Ionian," or some other distant place. What made these per- formances more unbearable Avas, that tlie Dnke was extremely parsimonious in the matter of hounds, never letting .lock buy any, though he was welcome to take what he could get in a gift : but a,s jX'Ople do not generally give away their liest hounds, the assort- ment was not very select. Still they made a good show at the meet, and with the aid of the extra yellow ]ilush, and the "green silk whop'-ord," were kept in tolerable suljjection, while the JJukc talked and criticised them to his ignorant or ol)se(iuious friends in a way that made the long gray locks protru(h'ng beneath .Jock's l)lack velvet hunting-cap shake with laughter. The castle company, however, being chiefly compo.sed of dis- tinguished foreigners and parties who did not know or care much more about the matter than the ])uke, the exhibition answered very well, and .Jock having made the welkin ring with the roar of the liounds, and satisfied the keenness of the cocktails, by the capture of a " ringer" would trot away to a distant cover, leaving a couple of incorrigiblcs at this farm-house, and a couple at that, until he got himself suited with a somewhat steady ])ack for his alternoon fox. Jle would then exercise his Scotch prowess in catching another, unaided by the Duke's instructions, and un- interrupted by the notes of his silver horn. But perhai)S the reader would like to have a day with his Grace's hounds, for Avhich purpo.sc we would take a fresh chajiter. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 141 CHAPTER XXVII. THE FIRST MONDAY IN XOVEJIllER. THOU(iH tlie Duchess was extremely popular, in her own (Estimation at least, she did not care much to cultivate that quality in the country, relying on her London reputation foi' carrying lief through. With a few exceptions, therefore, she used her country acquaintance merely as auxiliary to her London ones, sending ibr them when it suited her to have them, aud snubbing them when it did not. The consequence was, that unless they Avere sent for, people did not care much to go, though they always cheerfully responded to a castle invitation of any sort — breakfast, dinner, dancing tea, ball, or \vhat not. Her Grace's impertinence was then placed under the head of " high spirit " — at other times it was censured, and people said they Avould not go again — nor did they — tiU the next time. There not being any notalulities down at the castle, the flag flew on the tower on the first Monday in November, much as it would on the first Monday in May, indicating that the Duke and Duchess were alive, but did not want to be invaded. Of course the hounds figured in the list of appointments in the papers, aud at the wonted hour — a quarter to eleven — Jock and whips were seen wending their way with them across the park to the accustomed eagle-winged cedars on the right of the castle, the orange coats of the men contrasting with the rich green tint of the trees. The landscape was presently further enlivened by the arrival of sundry scarlet and dark-coated equestrians, when the usual greetings and conq)liments were exchanged, followed by the usual recognition of hounds and identification of horses. "What! the old bay still going? Declare I didn't know the dun mare since she was cli|)ped — good for another season I guess." There was no hosjiitality used, not exan a horn of ale or a bit of bread and cheese, the Duke never doing anything unless he over- did it. When Baron Bumperhausen and suite were at the castle in the spring, there was such indiscriminate ])rofusion that all the grooms and helpers got drunk on hock and sparkling moselle. Mr. Haggish, however, was thankful that it was a banyan day, for, though no teetotaler himself, he had a great abhorrence of drinking, and always got rid of any ''crittur" about him thai, could no keep itself sober. Besides, he thought the Duke's siller could be a deal better employed than in making all the peo])I<' about "fou." " What the davil's the use of comin' out to hunt if you want to drink ! " lie would exclaim, as he saw a party of sots 142 /•/. I / \ «'/; /;/ \ <; I. irrs .' wlifrliiii; otV til a piihlic-liuiisc. " Diiiikiiii,' and Imntiiiu,- nvo twar inoirs Works I Driiikiiiu and limit iiiir an- twar uu-irs wmks I " 1k> WMuItl I'Diitimu'. trottiii-r Itrisklv on with tlu- Imiuids in liopcs dl' fiiuliiii; and ^^'rttitiir away witli liis fox Itefuiv tlifV caiiK; up auaiii. An'd now till' ixri'i'ii-foatcd ivd-vi-sti'd Mr. I'au^wi-ll the itoinpoiis keoiHT, coiiu's swairijiTini; np with his <.miii on liis luathi'r-( appcd shouldir, in the siipiToihous sort of way these i^^'iitlenien do l)elor(' hounds, as thonj^h they were the ri^al boys for finishin^f tlie foxes. No oirc'iunliteutiou about keepers, cock, snap, Ixt/tt/, and he's over and " under," perhaps before anybody knows anytliinerloruianccs, in which she was gallantly led by liord Lovedale, that the "4ay l)rnsh we Udw see respoiidini:: to her movements superseded the ri,i;i.l\ l)efore, he considers that everyone has his price. 'I'ake the same sized man, but of course slighter, for the Earl, with dark hair and dark eyes instead of light hair and light eyes, with moustache and imperial instead of imperial only, and a voluble tongue attuned to talk nonsense, and a fair idea may be formed of the two. Let us now get them mounted. ijc. /'/. lis i'l: i:i xc i.i:ts .' " \\\'\\. .Marchliarc, I sii|i])t»si' wo sliiiiild lie ii'oinjx," said the Ouko, ilrawini; uii a pair nf i-K'aii while (loL'-skiii j^Iovi's as (luv nu'L on the laiuliiiir jirt'paratoiy to makiiiu; a (Icscoiit tn llitir hoi*sos. "This is thi- first day,"' added 1k', "and ]iC('i>i(' will t'X|K'ft us ti> l»o i»micliial.'" " Wliich wc shall not lie." oltsrrvi-d tlio Ivirl, proiiuciiii; his watch and showiiii;- that it wanted a few minutes to twelve. " Ah, well, never mind, tirst day," rejoined the Duke, " f,dvcs ]>eoplo time t(t look ovei- the linuads. Dai'e say !Mr. llaii^ish will manage to amuse them."' 'IMiey then aecom])lishcd the descent of the broad staircase, and were met in the inner entrance by an overpowcrin<,^ phahmx of servants — men out of livery, men in livery — men in half-livery, some with 'their whips, some with their sandwiches, some with their sherry, who escorted thorn to the great doors, which wx're thrown open as if Daniel Lambert himself were comiiig, and disclosed the sheeted horses waiting for their riders. These were presently run up under the vestibule ; one man holds a horse's head, another a stirrup, while a third sweeps the clothing over the tail, and father and son are jnx'sently in their saddles, appa- rently to their mutual satisfaction. Stirrups are felt and approved, reins drawn, and away they go, the Duke on a grey, the Earl on a bay. The doors are then closed, the late olxsecjuious household then run for their hats, liveries are exchanged for niif/li ,- liousemaids in hoops expand their parasols, and a pedestrian party presently emerges from the Castle. And now, as the great men approach the pack, respectful demeanour begins to simmer and gradually boils up into a general irruption of politeness — hats and caps go ott' simultaneously, ^Ir. J'.agwelTs gold-laced hat making as fine an aerial sweep as any of them. "I thought your CJrace was no coomin," observed Jock, replacing his black capon the straggling grey locks of his big bald head. " I was just i'-going to throw oil" without ye,'' added he. " Oh, come, I was sure to come," replied the Duke ; " never miss a day if I can possibly help ft — only alTairs of State must be attended to,"' his Grace looking round on his satellites as he spoke to see whom he should recognise specifically. " Good morning. Young ! " " How are you, ilr. Field '::' " " Hope you are well, Mr. Langdale ? " " Fine hunting day, ]\Ir. Netherwood," honour- ing him with a shake of the hand and an inquiry after his parents, ^leanwhile Lord ^Marchhare takes a survey of the fail-, shakes hands with the ^liss Springfields, and hopes ilrs. Sparrow is well and all the little Sparrows, whose name is " legion." And here Ave may mention that Lord ^Marchhare's other foible, besides breaking his neck, was breaking his heart. He was constantly falling in love with some adorable ci-cature, from whose delicious poison there was no cure, save getting him another charmer. If PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 147 lie had been of age he would have had to stand a dozen breaches of promise actions, or compromise them on the usual 'nncomfort- jible principle of bein"- the ott'ender. The law does not consider that the lady can make the advances, though perhaps a jury of matrons might find the reverse. Be that, however, as it may, lady had succeeded lady very rapidly, and these belon^'iug more to the aristocracy of usefulness than the aristocracy of birth ; and as no woman, however humble, who has seen the popular pantomime of I'inderella, but thinks she herself might be manufactured into a duchess, so our noble friend, if he will allow us to caU him so, had caused ideal coronets to s])ring up very promiscuously. His Lordship's present liaison was Miss AVrigglesworth the milliner, of Tillingford, a lady of great personal attractions, though somewhat his senior, an advantage that she knew how to turn to account. ♦She was a dark haired, dark eyed, spacious, well hooped woman, a great contrast to little C'lara lirown the baker's daughter, of Maplehurst, whom she had supplanted. But mark the fickleness of man ! No sooner had ]\Iiss Rosa disclosed her pearly teeth with a smile, in return for his Lordship's upraised hat, than away went Wrigglesworth, hoops and all. A cleA'er woman knows when she has hit her man, just as well as Bagwell knows when he has hit his bird ; and as his lordship turned his horse inside her pony to accompany her in the now onward movements of the hounds, she felt a sort of thrill of *' Marchhareishness " come over her, and the glittering flag, and the sun-bright panes of the lofty castle, seemed to beckon her to its towers ; she shook out iier habit and re-adjusted her seat with delight. His lordship, who had a voluble well-hung tongue, opened out with great vehemence and glee ; praised her hat and her habit and her pony and her appearance generally. Indeed, the Duke who saw, what was going on, rather wished that he had kept to J\riss AVriggjesworth, whom he would be less likely to marry than a girl like Miss Rosa. However, like a sensible man he kept that to himself, knowing that opposition sometimes i)romotes what is meant to prevent. His Grace of course, wished to see his son marry a lady who would bring something more into the family than her petticoats and her pedigree as his Duchess had done, and had submitted many great heiresses to his son's notice, who however had all been declined on the score of want of looks — good looks wei'e a sine qua uon with the Earl. However, the Duke hopes for the best, and trots on between the ]\Iiss Springfields as if there was nothing whatever disturbing his mind. Thus they pass through the home farm- yard, under the right wing of the castle, and are presently at the decoy on the north side, which is always drawn first. AVhat with various supplementary detachments, the field may now number some forty or fifty horsemen of one sort and another. i> -1 ns /•/. iz.v ('/.■ i:i \i: i.irrsf (■iiAPi'i:i; x.wiii. ^.M.l,^ III' ! OOl in tluTo!'" cries .loL'k, as tlu' liniiiids ivach the south end of the decoy, and at the aceustoined sound they desert Ills horse's heels, and proceed, eacli leisurely in his lino, to draw through the inoss, and reeds, and sedges. splashiuL;' and juinpinij and jtickiny their way as they go. Jt is not a usual find (unless liagwell has ar- ranged matters be- forehand), but the " ladies "' in the castle liked to sec the sight, and now throng the terrace for the purpose. And veiy pretty the scene is with the rich varied evergreens, enlivened with the rich varied hues of the hunters, the cheer of the huntsman, the screams of the ducks» with the awe-stricken deer forming in groujjs among the browning ferns on the undulating hills in the distance, wondering if the commotion is directed against them. " Twang, twang, twang,"' presently goes Jock's horn ; ft'Tf'l^ iirri'f, Iweei, goes the Duke's, for he likes to have a blow no matter why, and often aggravates .lock l)y its use. But the Duke is a man Avho thinks he has an instinctive knowledge of everything, and has only to take up a subject to become a professor. Out the hounds come at the duplicate summons, and Jock having got the majority of them around him, feels great Grampian gently Avitli hi£ spur and trots briskly away, crying, " cop, come away, cop, corDc away." to the hounds as he goes. He then gets them well in advance of the field, being always " dasparately afraid " lest any of the horses should tread on their tails. The field then ULACK-FAt'ED RVMMACKR. PLAIN OR EINaLETS? 14!» mingle promiscuously, red coats with black, and black with rustic drab, the Earl still adhering to ths fair lady on the pony which seems as lively as her mistress. So they go past the keeper's lodge, round Xewfield hill, and over Stebbiug's Bridge to l^ranchley. The warren is the next draw : but ]iag having the rabbits foi- his perquisite, takes care not to harbour any " vermin : " however there is no harm in running the hounds through, and the line lies past a sei'ies of most inviting park hurdles, which Lord Marchharo ■jilways makes a point of jumping as he goes. His dark eyes sparkle as he a})proaches the first flight, and pointing them out to Miss Rosa with his whip, he draws his horse together and shoots him over like an arrow from a bow. He then pulls him up on the far side, and wheeling about charges the reverse way. Miss of ■course expressing her trepidation, by a slightly suffused eyelid Avhich is not lost upon his lordship as he returns to her side. He thinks she is extremely pretty, and great Miss Wrigglesworth is altogether eclipsed by the wearer of the fox-brushed hat. He won't ride over any more rails if she wishes him not. .Vnd of course she does wish him not. Hark ! AVhat's that ? Tally ho ! so it is, and already Haggish has his white horse by the head, and is striving over the greensward to get to the place. It's Will Ranger, the under keei)er's voice, who has just shook a bag fox, a regular Leadenhall gentleman, down in Knotty-Ash (Hen, and after hiding the sack, iind viewing him away, is making as much noise as he can to delude people into the belief that he's a wild one. Everybody is now suddenly seized with a spurt of activity, the Duke gets out his horn and blows most profusely, the yellow whips halloo and crack their whips, though every hound is away, caps are adjusted and hats thrust down upou brows, and Bagwell hurries up the Obelisk Hill for a view, as though he had never seen the fox before. As he goes he loses the invoice for him out of his pocket. And now the hurricane of hounds get to the place, and old black- faced Rummager, with a vigorous dash to the point, hits otf tlio scent with a yell, which the body of the pack endorse, and away they go up the echoing glen with a roar, the reverberating hills -seemingly take pleasure iu repeating the sound. Now the leading bounds reach the lowering banks of the end of the glen, and a slight overshoot occurs, the fox having changed his mind on view- ing the wide-stretcln'ng water meadows in front so unlike his late ■<.'Oufined residence in London, and has popped back into cover •below the shelving rocks by the brook. Ranger, however, being there with his whij) to confront him, the fox again tin'ns tail, and })uts his head to the formidable un- known o])eii, going in that confused zigzag sort of way that mak('s a huntsman doubt whether he is after a fox or a hare. It must i:.ii /•/. i/.v ni: i:i xa i.t-ri's .' \>v a luux^ I Xo. Fii<:lriiiiiii spraksl It must lie ;i fox I :m(l .Ir a lawn meet peiliiips a Ikili: fox answers a better iiiir|)(ise than a wild one, for he shows in so many phiees that a wild one would avoid as irivatly to inerease the I'xcitenient of his followers. There is nothinri'iu(«s( lliiiiit. "A! what's the di^litcd body K»u|Hii ill I" :iiid iiiiincdiatcly |>n»(H'od('d l<> liandli- his t'ox. His lordship, hdUi'MT, l>i'iiii^ used to .lock's jjolilciicss, and also <|uii-k oil his li'LTs, is at ids now starinjj horse liy the tiiiH- Jock lias extricated his Ittx iVoiii the iiomids, when rciiioiiiitiiiir, he "at" the fence a little lower down, and takinj; it on and oil", returned iiandsonu'ly to the jilace I'i'oin whence he <"inie. Miss Ifnsa having hrnshed the rising- tears from her eyes, retnrns her well-ciphered hice-lVin^'cd "kerchief to the saddle ])ocket just as Jock strnujiles hack tliroiii;:!! the tbrinidahle leiice with his i'ox, followed ]»y the now hayini,^ clainorons pack, nishiiiL;- and jiushinu-. and neaily upsetting,' him as he yoes. The fox is then thrown carelessly on the green sward, tlu' mortnary circle is formed, hounds and pedestrians in the middle, equestrians outside, and as Jock whips oti' the brush, u sort ol' i::eneral impeachment of the fox's morality is made, liilly Buck- wheat declariiii;- that he is the identical thief that stole all their hens, while Tom Thistlewaitc vows that lie could swear to the rascal amon,<>' a thousand. Thinks he just sees him now carryinu," oft" a turkey on his back. So, on the principle of i,nvin<>- a dog a bad name and hanging him, they give the fox a bad one and eat him. While the pack are contending for the unsavoury I'emains, Headstrong wrangling with Hostile for a haunch, and Pillager chasing huckylass for a leg, Lord .Marchhare, having dismounted, possessed himself of the bi-ush,and drawn it to and fro through his Frangipane-scented cambric 'kerchief, proceeds to present to iMiss Rosa, regretting that the one in her pretty hat prevents him the pleasure of placing it there, but praying to be allowed to decorate her pony, whereu])onwith the aid of a piece of string hefastens it into the headsUill, declaring that slie looked quite charming, and worthy of being painted. And ]\Iiss Rosa simj)ered and smiled, and felt thoroughly delighted ; was so glad that the jMiss SpriugHelds were there to see. And the ^liss Springhelds curled up their noses, and wondered .she had not ])Ut the brush in her hat along with the other one. This ha\ iiig comj)Ieted the ceremony, his lordshi]) and the rest of the dismounted (jues resume their horses, and the Duke turning to J(jck a.sks what he " will do next ? "' " A, what your (Jrace pleases," rej)lied Jock, well knowing what would suit the Duke best. "Another run would i)lcasc mc most,"' replied his (irace, " I)ut where to get one's the thing." '■ AVhy, we maun just trot on to Lighthorn l)ushes,"' replied Jock, "it's na use potteriii' on about Trouble-hill, or Twvcross bnnks." " AVhy not ? " asked the Duke. *' Why not ? " retorted Jock, angrily, " Why not ? why, becan.se they've bin and stole all the foxes ! Stole all the foxes, as I'm a Pl PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 153 livin" mail ! There's no greater folly than folks buying foxes — ^■ery likely buying their own back again. Soon come to havin' their fox and their fish down by the same train. However, if your Grace thinks we can do any good nearer nor the bushes we had better go and see, for the day's fast spending, and the nights begin to be longer than they were," Jock hoisting his great self on to (Jrampian as he spoke. He then called his hounds together, and, without waiting for orders, cleared them of the crowd, and trotted briskly away, feeling pretty sure that the Duke would not follow. Jock was right ; for the Duke, after looking at his watch, thought he had taken as much exercise as would insure him an appetite for dinner ; and suddenly recollecting that he had a great arrear of letters to Avrite, he reined in his horse, while those who were going with the hounds passed onwards, and those who, like himself, had had enough, turned away, and dispersed right and left. And Miss Rosa being rejoined by old Gaiters, smiled a sweet adieu to the Earl, and was presently cantei-ing homewards with the gay trophy nodding merrily over pony's nose. Jock, with a choice fcAv, then trotted ofl' to the bushes, and eHaced th(! recollection of the liagman by a chivey after a wild fox which linally beat him at dusk. CHAPTER XXIX. MISS Rosa's return. — sivix and four again. "Well, Mamma, and what do you think of this ?" exclaimed ^liss Rosa, riding her pony over the trim lawn up to the open bay window of the drawing-room, where sat her Mamma enjoying the last lingering sunshine of the incomparable Comet summer. " () Rosa, my love, I'm so glad you've got back ! " exclaimed lier parent, rising from her little work-table and hurrying up to the window. " AVell, Mamma, and what do you think of this ? " repeated Miss Rosa, putting her pony's head straight before lier. "Of what ? " asked ]\Iannna, not seeing what she meant. " Of this," said Miss Rosa, pointing with her tiny whip to the decoration on the ])ony's head. "What, anothei' !" exclaimed Mrs. McDenuott, with unrcigued surprise ; " well, whose is it this time ? " Miss Rosa {arihli/) — "Guess." " Well, the Duke, perhaps," suggested Mamma, after a pause, .seeing by her daughter's face it was some one she was proud of. i:4 y/.i/.v (»/.■ i: I m; i.irrs .' " (IiH'ss !»i;ain I " cNcliiiiiird she. with increased ijloo. "Well tlicii, lii'i'd Marclilian," icplii'd Maiiuna, imu iiaiiiinLi tlio <;rntlcni!sii she was iiiclim-d to do at first. ** fjoni Mitichhdii' il //v/.v," replied Miss Iv( sa, with due (•Mi|thasis --" /.oni Mdirhli/irc il /nrs.'''' rci)L'ated siie, *• fastened it into Sn()\V(h-o])'s head with his own hands. ' "Indeed," smiled Mamma, evidonti} not ihinkini:' so much of the trinnij>h as hei' dauirhter. " Kastened it with his own hands, ^lamma. Ixdore the MisK Sprinijtields and a whole host of other people — Captain hiLrhtfool. and I don't know who else." "That was nice," rejoined Mamma, still fearing; the com])li- ment would not load to a coronet. " I'm ,i,dad you went, for it has heen a beautiful day, and the country must have heen charuiinir."' "Well, but about the brush I Don't you think it was very niee f '' asked ^liss Ifosa, pattins; her i)ony. "Oh, very nice," replied .^^amma ; " only 1 hope ynu di(brt show you thoutrht so ?" •'Certainly not," retorted ^liss IJosa. bridliuf^ up — "certainly not — I'm not quite so unused to civility as that."' "And how^ did the Duke seem to take it?" asked .Mamma. after a pause. " Oh, the Duke was quite affable and agreeable — didn't seem to think it anything uncommon." " Ah, I'm afraid that would be the case."' rejoined !Mamma : "he would look upon it as one of his lordship's matters of course.'" "f)h, you do so like to tease me," retorted Rosa, jerking her elbows. " Xo, my dear, indeed I don't," replied .Mrs. McDermott. calmly; '" oidy you know it's well tf» look at the case in all its bearings." " liearinirs I my dear ^[amma. there are no bearings I 1 only said Lord Marchhare I'ode about with me. and gave me the brush when Ave killed." " Oh, rode about with yc)U, did he ? '' rejilied Mamma ; " well. that's more like the thing." *• Yes, regularly chaperoned me," rejoined the somewhat ])acified ^liss ; "told me what to take and what to avoid. In fact, if it hadn't been for him, I should not have stayed for the run. He kept coaxing me on, and on, and on, till at last we came to a finish by killing." Mamma — '" And then lie put the fox's brush in your bridle," Rosa — " Yes, he couldn't Avell do it before," continued she. laughing, " because the fox was wearing it himself, you know." "I see," said ^Irs. ^McDermott, who had now mastered the whole story — find, flurry, finish, flirtation, and all. P L A IN R H ING L E TS ? 155 " Well, I'm sure Fm glad to see you safe back, my dear," con- tinued Mamma, eveino- her pretty daughter regardfuUy. "I began to be uneasy about you, only I thought you might have gone to the castle." .^-s 'O'^^ ,\.\\i \MI' VK "Castle ! Tiiere was no ' castle ' to-day," replied Rosa ; "no- body out but the Duke and my lord." " No Duchess ? " asked Mrs. McDerinott. " No Ducliess," replied Rosa, with a shake of her head— "luiard nothing about her, ni fact— she doesn't show, you know, unless she has company, or there is someone she thinks it woi'th her i''«; I 'I. lis I'l: i:! \<; i.irrs .'' whiK' iH'iiii; civil to. No poor lillU- mc, you know, iinr yt'( tlic Miss Spriiii^lifltls. ii<>r yrt (Viusiii S|tarro\v." *■ Wrll, lU'Vci- mind, my ills, forged bills, bad securi- ties, middling securities, no securities — that he fancied himself half a lawyer, and talked and argued as if he were a whole one. This being a surt of character that a real lawyer does not like, our friend had been bowed out by independent practitioners and had now taken refuge under the ])liant ignorance of young Mr. .Saplington, who did his private business for nothing, in considera- tion ot what he got out of the bank for writing — " on or before letters," issuing latitats and missives of the forcing imperative order. Our Banker, indeed, would seem to have a natural relish and appreciation for the law, for whenever he got a bundle of title-deeds into his possession, he would set-to and read every document from end to end, no matter how mouldy or nmsty, and seemed thoroughly to enjoy their dreary head-aching contents. Then, having them once into his clutches, no power on earth could induce liim to let them go out of his sight until he got his money repaid. Saplington miglit come and copy them in his little den at the bank for anybody wanting to know their contents, but no taking away even to Saplington's otlice, and as soon as the dinner hour came, back they were Ijundled into the tin bo.\, the Bramah lock rei)laced, and tlie whole returned to the vast abyss of the strong iron safe. Many thousand acres of land had been com- pres.sed within its solid sides, many cornstacks, many haystacks. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 157 many floclcs and herds, many horses and implements of hns- "baiidry. AVith a man so exact, even in a loan, with all the circumjacent contrivances to protect him, it is needless to say that in an ont- and-out purchase he was consistently cautions, and Docket and he haviufij at length got a deal, and the difficulty of the case might be thought to be over, lo and behold I it would seem to be only beginning, just as in matrimony, the difficulties are often all to come to, after the parties themselves think everything is smoothly settled, and are announcing the fact to their already well-aware friends. Mr. Goldspink would seem to have conjured up all the blots and defects of all the titles he and his predecessors had ever had through their hands since the establishment of the bank in sivin- tcen hundred and sivinty-four, and to have invested Garlandalo with the whole of them. Like Gil Bias's mule, the title would seem to be all faults. The consequence was that he made Mr. Saplington put so many points and doubts, and queries, and draw his attention to so many things, that Mr. James lEabendum, the conveyancer of the Temple, naturally concluded the Banker was an unwilling purchaser, wanting to be off his bargain. Now it so happened that the title was sino-ularly clear, twist it as he would, Mr. Habendum could make nothing against it — nothing fatal at least — for it must be a marvellous title that a keen-nosed lawyer cannot take some exceptions to, but the evident anxiety of the party made him set his best wits to work to try if he could accom- modate him, when he hit upon the following instance of the beautiful simplicity of our real property laws. There had been a trust-money mortgage on the estate some forty years before, and between the time of making the mortgage and paying it off a new trustee, one Mr. (h-acknel Cauldfield, had been appointed, which enabled Mr. Habendum to suggest that unless the death of the original trustee and tlie due appointment of his successor could be shown, the money (notwithstanding the surviv- ing trustee joined in the receipt) might have been wrongly i^aid. and an intending purchaser might have to yinj it over again — and this, after the lapse of the forty years, daring which no claim for cither ]irincipal or interest had ever been made ; and Mr. Haben- dum further played as he thought into the Banker's hands by say- ing that unless the vendor could show all this, a Court of Equity would not enforce the performance of the contract. The Banker was a]ij)alled when he read the opinion. It would have done Mr. IFabendum good to have seen how he took it. " Sivin and four's elivin !" exclaimed lie to Mr. Saplington as that gentleman pre- sented him in his little den at the bank with what he too thought Avould be an agreeable document, " Sivin and four's elivin and eighty-four is ninety-five, and a underd-and-one is a underd and irK»< /'/. I/.V "/; i;i m; i.irrs f iiiiu'ty-six. Why tliis is imlml ii tivnu'iidittus iiniimnu'eincnt ! — a lauK'Mtaltlt' tliscovorv I TlioiiLrlit tlic titli' sci-iiu'd as clear as tho SUM at. nooii-ilay, ami luTc liavo 1 t^oiic and told .Mr>. (Iiilds|tiid< and s!k' has toM Mrs, Wi-dlock, and Mrs. WcdNtck will have told Mrs. Sinni'v, and it will ha all over the town that I've bought the estate, and now I haven't ir(»t it. Oh dear I Oh dear!" con- tinned he, wriiiirini; his fat hands in despair, "one shonid never liolla without leave of the lawyers I " .so sayini,', he sunk into the itld luml-seated senii-cirenlar chair in which he had spent so mncli time, atul calculated so much au:reeable money. Presently he became moiv compcsgd, and lo(»ked at tlie matter in a diiU'rent liuht. '* Sivin and four's elivin," said he. crossing- liis fat leirs and dry-shavinu," his chin, "and forty-one is tifty-two ; it's Inckv praps that tliin_u:s have turned out as they have done. If I had set-to and built a messnaji^e, tenement, or dwellini^-house, with the a])i)urtenanees, and just as I /'/. I /.V "/; /;/.\^■ /./•."/•>■.' AlthoiiLrh it is ph-asimt in this liiinl rcaliiicd, inoiu'V-slrivini,^ wi'Hil. to Sir hoiu'st. plotltliiij:; imliistrv j;ni(liially siiniiniint ilic trniciiltii's oflifi', uiul rise tti t'liiiiiciici' aiul distiiictioii : yd lliciv is no siu'h ftrliiiii; onLroiuliTt'd in lu'lioldiiij; tlio miislu-odiu ( sliala- tiitns of tlit> turf expaiitlinLT iiiulor the smisliiiK' of ]inisp(M-ity ; lor soiiK'how tlic *' crittni's," as .lock IIaond fide l)idder who declines to avail himself of the terms of the " knock out.'' If, however, an intending purchaser does agree to come in, then one of the party bids, and the rest direct their energies to ridiculing and running down the lot — declaring, if a carpet, that a person can see through it ; if a carriage, that the wheels are so rotten the wood won't hold the nails ; and if a horse, that he is cither touched in the wind, or so slow, that a man could beat him on foot, by which means in nine cases out of ten perhaps, where the property is for absolute sale, they succeed in getting it at half its real value. The hammer having fallen, then comes the real legitimate — or, more correctly speaking, illegitimate sale ; the late runners down now become the I'unners up, the lot is assessed at something like its fair value, and the transaction closes with a gain to both buyers, and, of course, a loss to the owner of the property ; and also to the auctioneer, who is thus defrauded, or at all events, deprived of a portion of his fees. That is now a common process, and it seems that where honour has ceased to exist amongst thieves, no number — not even forty — will restore its equilibrium ; for the united confederates were subjected to the same treatment on the reduction of their stud, as old farmer Hobnail would have to undergo on the seizure of his pigs, and Ids poultry for rent. Our new acquaintance, Mr. Tailings, having a half-cousin in the "kuoc^kout" line, com- missioned him to bid for two or three lots, whose jjcdigrees and performances did not threaten to make too great a hole in ids "thoosands," aiul after the usual amount of laughing, throat- squeezing, rib-thumping, trottings up and trottings down, with It!-* ri.Aix oi: i:i .\<; i.irrsr ixlutrtatinns from Mr. hwriliT to the (■oinimny to Md, ii very _ir«>0(l-lookinir Iiay coll, with a white rateh down its face, called Ihmest Hilly. I»y IMi-kpocket, was knocked (low ii al an ajiparcntly very low tiuiire. Tile same observation that we made with rej;'ard in ihmjiIcs' lieads. namely, that no amoinit of outward inspection will enahle a pel-son to say where tlie brains are, and where they are not, ai>plies also to the speed, if not to the endurance of horses, for assuredly no one seeinink. who forthwith came hurrying to her husband. He was still in the haiidana, with the ill-omened document before him, which seemed to prevent his looking r.p, so Mrs. een charged never to do ! never to put his name to paper ! *' Oh dear \ what did it all mean ? " Jasper, though considerably surprised, affected to treat thti matter lightly. "Oh dear I oh yes, oh ye=J. oh dear, all right " (hesitated he) — *'no, it was a mistake. He knew what it was. Mr. O'Dicey would put it all right. It was merely a memorandum — a-a-a." " Memorandum I " exclaimed the Banker, "why it's a regularly drawn and accepted bill, ])rotested too ; a thing that's frightful to contemplate, to say nothing of the amount, which was perfectly apjialling." "(Jh yes," Jasper admitted it was large, but then it was not a real transaction, not a thing that was meant to be acted upon. PLAIN OR RINGLETS i' 1(57 "Acted upon! why it has been acted upon," interrupted the Banker, " <>;o and look at it yourself and see," and Jasper, glad of an excuse to get away, repaired to the otfice, where an inspection immediately recalled unpleasant recollections of the ]jast — the sum])tuous dinner, the honest major, the cards, the grill, and the double or quits, which led to the dreadful document before him. Then, further reflection recalled O'Dicey's repeated assurance that the bill was a mere matter of form, just to keep matters straight, should never be negotiated, and so on ; and, unwilling to believe that so frank and generous a gentleman could be guilty of any- thing unhandsome, he determined to treat the matter as a mistake, and try to get it put right without further interference. Accord- ingly, after many scratchings of the head and eye-wanderings up to the ceiling, he wrote him the following letter : — '• Mayfield. Xiir. 13, 18oS. " Dear O'Dicey, " IJ// some sirange unlucltj mistalic, Ihe memorandum or hill which I sif/ned at Roseherrij EocJrs, on the night of gour agreeable dinner-party, has been negotiated and returned to our hank dis- honoured. As gou will rememher, it was expresslg understood at the time it was given, that it was merelg a sort of memorandum of the state of the game at the close of the evening'' s amusement, so that we might know how ive stood tvhen we hegan again, I unsh gou would have the goodness to get it withdrawn, so that we mag again stand as we were. It isn't pleasant to have one's iMiwr floating ahout, as Fm sure gou will agree ; hesides widch, it mag he detri- mental to the Banlc. Please, therefore, look it up, and oblige, Dear O'Diceg, '' Vcrg truly yours, "jASrER GOLDSPINK." " To John O'Dicey, Esq., " Koseberry Rocks." Mr. O'Dicey being a gentleman of large practice in the sharking way, carrying on business as well in the French capital as the English, and at most of the fashionable watering-places, was not quite so easily found as a dishonoured bill rendered desirable ; and J)i)}worth's clerk looked in several times in passing to inquire after its safety, and at length hinted that the holder, who had given full value for it, would like to have it back, in order to take ])ror'cedings before any re])ly was received from the worthy. During all this time, our Banker was kept on the rack of sus2)euse, now half inclined to dispute its validity altogether, now a quarter or so inclined to pay it and be done with it, hoping, though an expensive lesson, that it would make Jasper more cautious in future. HiS /•/. I/.V ol: in SdLETH't At last till" fi'vcr i»f aii\ii'(y was siHiirwliMt allayrtl \\\ llic receipt iif tlio folltiwiuir answer : ** I)i:ak (mm.ksimnk. " Yours of the \'M/i,(f(itlirss('(l/i) Hdsrhrrrn Hurls, af/rr folio /r- iiij nil- to various places, fill H is slaiiu-il ivilli the rariatioii of each /Hfsl-o(fire,at last rrachcil nw at the Rag and Famish Club, as I teas /Hissi/ifl throui/h town, and I lose not a moment in uritin// to sa//, that it is i/uite a mistake i/our bill ha vim/ f/ot into circulation, far if ouifht to have been Captain (rammonh bill, and not i/ours, I havin// settled with the other ])arties in cash, so as to enable me to hold ijours, till, .as ijou saij, the amount was either plai/cd off' or the bill taken up at your utmost convenience. I now see, on lookiuc/ amont/ mi/ disorderl// pa/n-rs, that I have given np the wrong one. Tliis is vnfortunate, but I fear it cannot now be helped ; and perhaps the best wag wUl be for gou f/uiettg to withdraw i/our bill, and keep it till we all meet again, and give i/ou gour well -deserved revenge. I must say Dial I never saw a man lose his moneg with a better grace titan gou did ; unless, indeed, it was our friend Captain Gammon. Meanwhile, in great haste to save the post, believe me, dear Gold- spink, " Yours verg sincerelg, '•John- O'DrcKY." "To Jasper Goldspixk, Esq., •• ilayfield."' " Siviii and four's eleven, and ninety-nine is a undcrd and ten, and sivin's a uuderd and sivintcen, this is the most audaciously inconsistent letter I ever read in my life I " exclaimed our Banker on perusing it. "A man talking about thousands as if they Avere sea-sand, and then belonginc: to a beii'ii-arly clul), where they most likely have their knives and forks chained to the table, and sivintj sivin's a undcrd and ninety-four, the whole thing's a reglai- swindle, and I'll go before my Lord Size, and prove it." So saying, he threw down the letter in disgust, and ])roduced an extensive sheet of paj)er to summon Mr. Saplington to his presence. Jasper did not like the idea of this, for he had often heard O'Dicey, when capering on the gentle milk-Avhite horse of morality, denouncing the mean-si>irited wretches who only play to win money, and expatiating on the disadvantages through life to a young man repudiating or disputing his del)ts of honour ; a doctrine that 0* Dicey used to enforce by pointing out sundry examples of parties whom he used to say he wouldn't touch with a [»air of tongs, the parties however generally looking at C)'l)icey as if they would not touch him either. Jasper therefore tried to K'y^ the parental hand from the paper. He thought he could get ii.a'.ters put right. He had a good opinion of O'Dicey, who PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 169 liad always stood his friend, and cndeavonred to keep him right when otlier parties wanted to clieat him. He couldn't believe that there was anything- intentionally wrong. The v.'ords " Eag and Famish," however, stuck in old sivin-and- four's throat. He could not get over them. He could not imagine that any good could possibly come of such a forlorn combination. " Rag and Famish " seemed to him to be the lowest pit of human degradation. He had no doubt it was a low cellar somewhere about SafFi'on Hill, or St. Giles's, constantly under the ken of the i^olice. There was no saying but Jasper himself might go there next. " No, no ; no Rags and Famishes for him. He was a substantial man, and could aftbrd beef, mutton, and broad cloth." Our friend Jasper, however, still ^\•orked the other way. He was afraid of the exposure — afraid of the slow-pointing of scorn proclaiming him a man who did not pay his debts. This too, just as he was going to alight upon the turf with CTarlandale. Seeing, therefore, that O'Dicey's letter held out an overture for further correspondence, and that the substitution of his bill for Captain Gammon's had been accidental, it occurred to Jasper that the best thing to do would be to get the Captain's bill and so set it off against his own little acceptance. Accord- ingly he wrote to " Dear O'Dicey," thanking him for his explana- tion, and asking him to send him Captain Gammon's bill to jMayfield. How O'Dicey laughed when he read the letter, and took the worthless document out of his desk to place in an envelope with " Mr. O'D.'s kind regards " written inside. " Wish you joy of it, old boy," said he. as he chucked the letter contain- ing it into the pillar post at the Derby Station. Then when Jasper got it, he felt doubly triumiihant, Iriumphant at having retrieved his position, and triumi)hant at having proved a true prophet. It was clear his father didn't understand the men of the present generation — was quite one of the past. What could be fairer or kinder than Mr. O'Dicey's conduct — nothing, he was sure. He carried the bill into the bank with a swagger, telling- Scorer, as he handed it over, to let it be "looked to," meaning, presented for payment. Scorer descended upon it all fours as it Avere, for he was unused to such amounts, and moreover suspected something was wrong ; l)ut after straining his eye-balls, and scanning every word, every figure, every mark, he could find no fault with its form, so looking up at our friend, he gave an emphatic, "Yes, Sir;" sayinii- to liimseH', "I wish you may get it." Up, then, went the bill to London, along with the other bank documents, and Jasper felt quite relieved in his mind, and easy as to the result. Indeed he began to think himself somewhat of a conjurer. "Sharp" being the word in the City, the bill Avas iT'i I'l.Alx oi; i;i m; i.irrs / jonriii'viiiir ciimfKi-tnlily up ('(irnliill, iti one of tliose t-asy bliick noto-casi's peculiar tu staiii|H'tl paper, and presently passed into the ,u:lil>ly i^Hidinu' dunr of (Ii-nnijiy and Slnnipey's extensive ostnlilishinent. Tlure were gentlemen in every variety oi' peenniary activity, those ill fr<»nt. conntinj,' nice crisp live-ponnd notes, or shovellinressed onwards to the counter, or whatever they call that barrier, some lookinj; extremely unlike the money they were entrusted with. Still they were recojiiiised, their behests i'ulfilled, and the door swung aj^-ain on their easy retreat. It seemed almost as if the golden age was returned, and money was to be had for asking. IJut stop : not tpiite so quick. We are now at the recei])t of custom. The big bald-headed gentleman, with the clean linen and black satin vest, suddenly starts, like a setter crossing a scent, and stands electrified as he gets into the middle of our messenger's presentation. — " "What's this I "' exclaims he, weeding out the unlucky acceptance, and holding it up for inspection. " fxammon again!" exclaimed he with astonishment, ""Won't do! most impudent man in existence ; " whereup(m he contradicted liis assertion of having (nimmon's acquaintance, by appending a bit of paper to the bill, Avith the words " not known " upon it ; ^vhereas, it is clear, the office should have been " better known than trusted." However, die bill was handed back to the clerk, Avho received it with the indifference peculiar to strangers, and carried it back to their firm to retransmit to the country. That evening's post saw it flying back. Our Banker was n(jt surprised to see it again, fur he Iiad lived too long in the world, and had scra]»ed and screwed at shillings and sixpences too hard to believe that thousands were to be raised in this off-hand sort of way ; moreover, he did not see how Captain (nimmou's bill being [taid would absolve Jasper from his obligations, and altogether he was very nuu^h perplexed, and wished that Cracknel Cauldfield's appointments had never been found — he would then have jogged on to the end of his tether, and let all ambitious villa-building projects alone. Xo pigeon pies, no brawn, no bacon, no cooing doves or murmuring rills, could equal the soft music of £ s. d. It was clear that .Jasper had been gTievously imposed ui)on, and it was bad to part with so much money. If it had been hundreds he might perha])S have got over it, but thousands — thousands, were awkward counting. Then to dispute the thing on the ground of its being a gambling transaction, and having the liolder coming into court to swear that he was ignorant of the facts and had given full value for the bill, on the strength of PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 171 Jasper's most respectable name, would be like thruwins,- cold water oil the Bauk, already sufficiently damaged by Dibworth's im- pudent clerk's talkinii' about it, as if he was going to stop pay- ment. Indeed he almost feared they might make a run upon it as it was, for there is nothing so ticklish as the fame of a bank. At last he made up his mind to pay and be done with it, but only FLVINi^ A KlXr on the express condition that Jasper eschewed cards, and above all promised him never to have anything to do with the Rag and Famish Club. "Promise me, promise me faithfully, Jasper," said he, with tears in his eyes, "never to have anything to do with that terrible club ! I dread the very name — it must bo a shocking, a frightful place — a ])lace vv'here they would very likely cut you up into (piarters and drop you quietly ovei' IJIackfriars Bridge in the dead of the night, or shoot you through the head 17-' /7..I/.V n/; i;i xa i.irrs / ami Iturv yon in ilio huck kiti-la-n, as soiiiclxxly did Mr. ^laiiiiiiiir or Mr. Slanninjx did somebody. I forijet wliicli way i( was." .\iid .)as|H'r, who had no iiKn'c taste for losinj^ his cash ih;iii his fatluT, autl thoii|j:ht lie saw Ids way to uji-cat wealth on (he turf, readily proniisi-d all tiiat was asked. And so, what with fear of l)il)worth and the Came of their most resjuvtahle l)ank — ahove all, of the Ra<; and Famish Club — the heloved eash at lenu:th retired the worthless i)iece of ])apor. So far, howt'ver, as tlu' latter iuflnence was concerned, the worthy man miiiht have saved his money, for it tnrns out on inquiry that 'S\v. O'Dicey does iKtt heloni,^ to the Kau,-. And now, having- floundi'red so l(»n<^ in the muddy waters of im})uritv, let us expand our winus and mount into the lofty reu'ions of hi'di'life. CHAPTEli XXXIII. PRINCE PIROUKTTEZA. HE same C'omet y e a r that showered such blessings on the coun- try was not unmindful of the town, for that auspici- ous s 13 r i n g produced the elegant Prince Pirouetteza, whose easy i mpu dence and delightful dancing caused such sensation among t li e angels in the m u n d a n e heaven of high life. The Prince, we believe, was not regularly accredited to our court, !)ut being on ea.sy terms with his tailor, his swarthy face and jet black UKI.rGHTKLI. rJANllXi PLAIN OR RINGLETS f 173 l)eartl were soon re\olving with the crinoline, to tlie great disgust i; i;iyi;Li:rsf till' party siistaiiiiiii,' the So he passed from house to hall, and from hall to park, and from park to place, eating and drinking and dancing and making extremely meny. It is a hard life that of an itinerant eater, drinker, and bed- airer — always expected to be lively and gay, always eating and drinking more than is good for one — never to have a (piiet even- ing alone to set matters right, so as to rise for once with an un- healed head. To be sure, a Prince has the advantage over other people of being consulted as to his wishes, and there is such a taste for practical courtiership in this country, that the more un- reasoualde he was, the better some people would like liim, and the more flattered they would Ije by his presence ; but his Highness was an accommodating man, and chimed into the habits of each house just as if he belonged to it, by which means he prolonged his stay, and was not unfrequently asked to return. Then as he moved about, the country papers chronicled his whereabouts ; as for instance — " His Highness Prince Pirouetteza, after a prolonged visit to our noble neighbour, the Pight Hon. Lord JiUmbago, at Lumbago Castle, has proceeded to Sir George Drearynut's, at Turnabout Tower, where a select circle are invited t(» meet him ; " and then, when he left Drearynut's, there was another paragraph noticing the adjournment ; so that what with prince in pul>lic, prince in private, prince in the papers, our friend felt himself a prince in reality. If the old skipper could have seen him, feted, bowed, and bended, how he would indeed have laughed at the credulity of the English. At length the Tergiversation visit became due, and with duplicate directions of Pock's largest sized adhesive luggage labels on the numerous packages containing the comprehensive ward- rclje, our great man and his valet left Major Lobsters at Hard- stuff Hill, where they had been sojourning for a couple of days, for the little i-ailway station of Pattenford-pool, to catch one of the few trains that condescend to stop there. Adopting Lord Brougham's excellent maxim, that it is better to be a quarter of an hour too soon than half a minute too late, our magnifico drove up in such capital time, that Tommy Putter, the i-solated station- master, who lived there like Robinson Crusoe with nobody but a PLAIN on RINGLETS'^ "i75 man Friday of a porter to converse "witli, thought to get a little gossip with the arrivers before the train came up ; but finding whom he had got, he was completely overpowered, and could hardly direct Friday what to do. The valet ):)eiug a tall man, of course Tommy took him for His Highness, and bowed and humbled himself accordingly. It was not until he was saluted with a " Go along you old fool," that he was sensible of his mistake. He then turned the steam of his politeness on the Prince, pending which ingratiation, the shrill whistle of the engine announced the approach of the train, and the " Meteor " came tearing along at a pace that looked very unlike stopping. And it did shoot past a good way, as if calling at such an un- traffic-like place was not only a sham but a degradation, and the guard seemed half incredulous when Robinson Crusoe proclaimed he had passengers to go. But when the man Friday came tottering along under the oppression of luggage, and the imposing directions caught the guard's eye, he thought it was lucky they hadn't shot past, and inwardly settled that there was no saying where people might come from. He then run the contents of the carriages through his mind to decide where he should put the distinguished stranger. Mr. and Mrs. Daniel Dotchin and family were in number twenty- nine, some gents were smoking in thirty, there was a child in arms in thirty-one, thirty-two had two invalid ladies with a blaclv nurse — but thirty-three had only ]\Irs. and Miss ]\Ieredith, who he thought would be glad of a little company. So he hastily opened the door — the ladies whipt up their legs, and their kerchiefs, while His Highness came headforemost in, followed by caps, com- forters, cloaks, furs, foot-warmer, everything calculated to make a Prince comfortal)le. He then soused himself into a seat, with his back to the engine, and having broken the ice of conversation by placing the window at the disposal of the ladies, a whistle and a wave of the hand from the guard, set the engine to her collar : a jerk, and a jolt, and they are again on the wing, (letting into a railway-train, and shooting away, after a long cross-country trail over woolly roads with weak washy horses, feels like the rapid descent of a Montague Rnsse after a walk, so quickly does a traveller get to the end of his journey. He has gone ten miles before he gets settled into his seat, and ten more before he is familiar with the new sensation. Ladies are generally much more conversal)le in railway carriages than gentlemen, and Miss Meredith, who had been educated at one of those highly polished seminaries where they first charge for everything in a lump, and then in detail afterwards, finding her- self in company Avith a foi-eigner, availed herself of the o])])or- tunity for airing her Fvensal (ireen French, while His Highness reciprocated his English, as they shot along the smoothly gliding I7r> /'/..i/.v "/; i: I .\<: r.ETS? pluins tliioiii;li wliicli llioir louti" Liy. .Moimwhilo >r;iiiiin;i sjit Cdiiiphu'i'iitly by. wi-II plcusi-d (u liiid tlint her (laui;liti'r hail ii,()t st) iniK'li loaniiiiii- for Ikt imiiu'v. At length (lie ikh'c boi^^aii to slarki'M, anil tlio train linally ilivw up at a nioro iniposini,f-l(iokiiiu,- Btation, on (hr wooik'ii winys of wliicrli wore jiaintcd in hiriic ml Ictti'i-s on a saiinon-colonivil yronnd. "Straw Hill Station for Tansi'y Hilt and 'J\'ri!;ivt'rsation Castk'.'' ''Tare — ^/i — varc — sation Castlo," said His ilij^lmi'ss, spelling it. ** Ah, this shall be my station," and just as he said il, the guard appeared at the tloor to release him, while a long line ul' heads ])i'otriided at the windows to sec for whom the Duke's carriage with the four grays Avas waiting. Presently a tall footman Avith a lacc-opprcssed hat was seen piloting the great man across the ])latf'orm to the exit door, and the liurrying guard, in re])ly to the iir.merous inipiiries who it was, exclaimed " J'rince Piper Something ! " as he gave a shrill whistle, and the engine again set ott" with a snort and a tug. Then the eiirious travelleis wished thoy had known before, and were sorry they had not taken a good look at liim. ^leanwl.ile, the Prince having entered the ducal carriage, was wliisked away as fast as four horses could lay legs to the ground, and as the last rays of a setting sun burnished up the landscape, the easy swing of the well-built carriage landed him on the wood- pavement of the noble portico. Here he was received by the stately ]\Ir. Cucumber in all the splendour of silk calves, and varnished shoes with many men out of livery, and many more in livery, hovering on his margin to dismantle the arriver, which being accomplished, Mr. Cucumber backing through outer and inner hall, brought the great man up in excellent form to the foot of the grand stairease, where he was received by no less a per- sonage than the Duke of Tergiversation himself. ^lutual salutations over (the Prince wanted to kiss the Duke, but his Grace declined that), the crowd of servants slowly retired, and the Duke proceeded to conduct his distinguished guest up- stairs, amid expressions of his gratitude to him for his con- descension in thus coming to visit them in their humble abode, for the Duke could condescend when it suited his purpose, though riding the high horse was more in his way. With speeches such as these he ushered His Highness into the Duchess's beautiful boudoir, where sat her (!race, with her widowed sistei', the Lady Cassandra ;^^ilicent Honoria Hopkins, the latter with every disposition to change her name again. Here he was again most cordially greeted, and invited to partake of the ladies' hospitality of tea, a request that he very complacently complied witli, and the Duke having now performed his part of the cere- mony, (piietly withdrew, leaving the ladies to pursue their designs at their leisure, aided by the influence of a long winter's evening. And when at last they I'etired to their rooms to dress for an PLAIK OR RINGLETS? 177 eight o'clock dinner, the Prince settled that Lady llonoria wouldn't be bad looking if she didn't squint, while her Ladyship thought his Highness was a most agreeable man, and greatly superior to Hopkins. CHAPTEPt XXXIV. OLD AND NEW SQUIRES. "Whex a stone-breaker begins to ply his useful labours on the road, he generally selects a large stone wherewith to form the foundation of his heap, and so his Grace the Duke of Tergiversa- tion used to establish his parties on the foundation of some such attractive centre as a Prince. Having thus laid the foundation of his heap, he investigated his position in the country ; thought Avho were steady — who were beginning to gib, who it would be useful to cajole, and forthwith invitations used to issue, dejeilners to the tractable, dinners to the docile, fetes to the forward. A person may be brought to the neutral ground of a fete who might shy at the apparent downright committal of a dinner. The Duke weighed everything well before he did it, and never took any step without a motive. Time was — before the establishment of railways — that the Squires used to respond to the call of their chiefs with the greatest alacrity, but the whistle of the engine has somewhat dispelled the authority of the leaders, and made men think more for themselves than they did. In truth, there is perhaps no class of Her Majesty's subjects more benefited by the introduction of railways than the country gentlemen generally, who too often, after what used to be called the " Grand Tour," buried themselves and their usually good educations in remote country places, there to marry " neighbours' bairns," and perpetuate the practice. Xow they fly about the world, here and there and everywhere, importing ladies from all parts, making the whole kingdom but as one county, Avhile the lists of members of the various Chibs show that they are not indifferent to the attractions of the capital. The very thing- has come to pass that Avas jiredicted when stage-coaches were first established some two hundred years ago, namely, that " country gentlemen and their wives would get easily and chea])]y conveyed to London," without the remainder of the ]:)rophecy, however, being fulfiUed, namely, " that they would not settle quietly at their homes in the country afterwards," for whole families whisk about in all directions, and feel all the better for the change, enjoying their spacious homes the more from having perhaps put up with contracted quartei's elsewhere. ITS /'/..i/.v oi: i:i xc i.irrs .' lloavon help tlu' partios' idoas of caso who aLlrilmtocl anytliin^ of tlio sort to evi'ii thi- hiti'st and best of tlio old stai^c-i'daclies, lut alone the ponderous, unwieldy vehicles that lirst ]>lnu;ihed the bottomless roads, turninii- up the «;reat bouUkr-stoues like Hitches of bacon, and takinir the liberal allowance of from twelve to sixteen days in jx-rfonning the journey between Ijondon and Kdinburirh ! Dr. Johnson, we make no doubt, described very accurately what they were in his time, when he boasted that he had travelled from London to Salisbury in a day l)y the common stage, "hung high and rough." The Doctor's observation, that a jiostchaise liad jolted many an intimacy to death, was doul)tless very correct also. Who hasn't a lively recollection of the musty old" horrors ? Talking of travelling, there is or was a notice in the collee-room of the Black Swan Hotel at York, stating that a four days' stage-coach would begin to run (crawl, would perliaps have been a more proper expression), on Friday the li'th of April, 17UC. "All that are desirous to pass from London to York," continues the advertisement, '• or from Y'ork to London, or any other place on that road, let them repair to the Black Swan in Ilolborn, in London, or to the Black Swan in Coney Street, in York, "At both which places they may be received in a stage-coach every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, which performs the whole journey in four days (if God permits). And sets forth at five in the morning. And returns from York to Stamford in two days, and from Stamford by Huntingdon to London in two days more. And the like stages on their return. Allowing each passenger 14 lbs. weight, and all above Sd. a-pound." Rather a diminutive allowance for a modern exquisite's luggage. As time advanced, the pace certainly improved, but even up to the last of the coaches, they were five times as long as the rail. In truth, the country gentlemen were a land-locked, leg-tied tribe, before the introduction of railways — coaching was un- comfortable, and posting expensive, besides which a journey took such a time. There was no running up to town for a week in those days. It took the best part of a week coming from a remote countiy to make the journey, and recover from the effects of it. No wonder the gentry did not make them very often, and contented themselves with their country towns instead of the capital. They were somebody in them, but nobody when they got into London. It seems rather strange, though, that even in those days, when transit was so slow and expensive, and men had to live so long on the road, that there were always plenty of country gentlemen ready to contest their respective counties, though the cost was fi-ightful, and the poll as lingering as the coaches. Xow, when both counties and costs are curtailed, and transit so quick, there is great difficulty in getting country vacancies filled PLAIN Oil RINGLETS? 179 by resident gentry as they occnr. The fact is, the world is so opened out, that every man who has a taste for travel, or who can sit a horse, or walk a moor, thinks he can employ his time and money better than in paying for working for other people. Members ought to be elected free of expense, and then lei them work for nothing if they liked. It is singular that some of the greatest screws — some of the most determined "nothing foi nothing," and uttermost-farthing men, are now the greatest spendthrifts in the matter of electioneering expenses. And the humiliating part of the matter is, that men who question and fight every farthing in their respective trade transactions, will part with thousands upon thousands in the Avildest, blindest Avay, and declare that they hadn't the slightest idea the money was for any- thing but legitimate exjDcnscs ! Why didn't they see to its appUcation, then ? But to return to the Old Squires. Another safety-valve that the gentry of the old school had for emitting the steam of their wealth, besides keeping hounds and electioneering, was in huge Jiouse-building — they built against each other. If Squire Fatfield built a great staring house, Squire Flaggon w^ould follow suit with a bigger, and Squire Jollybuck would cap Squire Flaggon with a larger still. Now building a big house, and buying a big house, are two distinct things ; for the builder of a big house is expected to live in it, and maintain a suitable establishment, while the buyer of a big house can shut up as much of it as he finds is too large ibr his purpose. Then the larders, and the cellars, were expected to correspond w^ith the houses, the characti: i: I Ml LETS? was iulvaiK-inir. ami thon wlu'ii it was at l('njj:tli lU'onounccd "fit," it was "drunk im the i>n'misos"' without lurtluT to-do. Port was the stapio bevcrairc in thoso days, fine clear rubv-colourcd wine, not a hi'adachc in a hogshead of it Jis the old ones used to say, and certainly they tried it at hijxh pressure. They generally drank out of small' jjflasses, so small indeed as to be insignificant, and a man helped himself almost incontinently, as the oft-recurring bottle passed round. In the midst of mirth and convei-sation, one man is very apt to do what another does, and it is not till the next moriiini; that he becomes sensible of any excess. There was no blowing men out with I'hampagne or sparkliui:- iloselle during dinner then, as there is now ; Sherry and ^ladeira were the regulation wines, varied perhaps latterly with a little of what the Yorkshire farmer called " Bluecellas ; " but the dinner wines were rarely taken into account, the night's consump- tion being calculated solely on the Port. In fact, the real business of the evening did not commence nntil the ladies (or as they say in Courts of Justice, women and children) had withdrawn from the dining-room ; then the horse-shoe table would be brought ont, the fire stirred up, the log put on, and everything arranged for a symposium. AVe can fancy the surprise aud indignation of a party of these worthies at the intrusion of the three-quarters drunken butler, and the half-drunken footman, with coffee, at the end of half an hour after they had got so settled. We think they would go out faster than they came in. But we will not imagine anything so monstrous and inhospitable. No ; the party sit true to their glasses, the bottle circulates briskly, the glasses are fairly filled to the brim, and as fairly drained, and a couple of hours glide away, amidst jokes, songs, and sentiments, ere there is even a summons from the ladies. If the jokes were not very new, they answered just as good a purpose as if they were, and it shows a kindly disposition to greet an old friend with a laugh. There was no Punch in those days to supply the weekly stock of fun, and the papers were small, and deficient of news. No family l>reakfast table-cloth-like sheets, with information from all parts of the globe. But if the size was small, the price was large ; sevenpence being chai'ged, some forty years ago, for a four-columned London paper of four jjages. A quick reader would skim through one of them in five minutes, for the type was bold aud well-leaded. The country papers were worse, and contained little but advertise- ments : — " Horse stolen," " Ilay for Sale," " Green Dragon Inn to Let," " Main of Cocks to be Fought," " Gout and Bilious Pills," "Cornhill Lottery Tickets," "Fire and Life Assurance Offices," all well spread out in the most liberal, amplified way ; mixed with murders, inquests, and a very slight sprinkling of political and parliamentary news. No wonder that people were thrown on PLAIN OH RINGLETS? 181 their own and eacli otJier's resources for information and amusement. Now, every pursuit and calling has its organ, all admirably conducted, and published at very low prices, so that a modern squire can select such papers as suit his taste, and have his non- eating, non-drinking guests down by each post, whom he can lay aside when he's had enough of their company, which he can't do by a tiresome chattering guest, who can neither talk nor hold his tongue. 8ome squires are not very lively. We shall presently have the pleasure of introducing a gentleman to the reader, who is only amusino- when he falls asleep or talks in his slumbers. The establishment of the Penny Post, and the liberal scattering of post-otfices too, has been a wonderful boon to country gentle- men, indeed to all sorts and conditions of people ; but the old squires being about the only people in the country who received letters, or who, perhaps, could read them when got, were often sadly put to in the sending long distances for them. To be sure many of them did not care much about getting them, and there are even some now, who if they happen to leave home for a few days, won't have them forwarded on to where they are. The grand, the crowning benefit of all however, were railways. "Without them, cheap postage, cheap papers, cheap literature, extended post-offices, would have been inefficient, for the old coaches would never have carried the quantity of matter modern times has evoked. Who does not remember the last spasmodic efforts of the unwashed, worn-out old vehicles, and weak horses to compete with the accumulating traffic in the neighbourhood of a newly-making line — amid the anathemas of coachmen and guards, and their brandified predictions of a speedy return to the road ? ]5ut at a certain hour on a certain day, without noise, or boast, or effort, came the smoothly-gliding engine, whisking as many passengers along as would have filled the old coaches for a week, unlocking the country for miles, and bringing parties within a few hours of each other who had formerly been separated by days. Large, roomy, prebendal stall-fitted-up like vehicles, usurped the place of little stuffy, straws-bedded stages, into which people packed on the mutual accommodation principle, you letting me put my arm here, I letting you put your leg there. So they toiled on through a live-long day, cramped, squeezed, and confined, making about the same progress that they do now in a couple of honi's with the greatest ease and enjoyment. Independently of the saving of time, railways may be looked upon as downright promoters of longe\'ity, for assuredly a man can do and sec twice as much as he formerly could without ; so if Squire Mistletoe lives to seventy or eighty, he will be entitled to have put on his monument that he died at a hundred and forty, or a hundred and sixty, as the case may be. Squii-e ]\Tistletoe can run up to town fifty times for once I sj ri.A f \ " /; /; / A' ( i /. K TS t timt Ins fatluT did, ami t'ccl all Llio bi'tter instead of all tlu- worse tor tlir trip. Tlu' noxt "rroati'st boon («• railways that modern s(|uiro.s have to Ito thankful i'or. is the pvat nndtipliraiion of London Chdis. Without Chilis, the railway system would havi- been incomplcti'. Al'tcr such luxurious travelling: u man reiiuires 8omethiu<,f better than the old coachini^-houses — the J{ull-and->routh, the (lolden Cross, or even than the onec prized Piazza, with its lar<>:o cabba;4;e- smollinj:: colVee-room. A ni,u:lit at tln' old Bull-and-Mouth, with its open corridors, was a thinjj; not to be ibru:otten. The railway companies, to be sure, anticipated the want, and built sjiaeioiiM hotels at their respective termini, the Piazza became a Crystal Palace, and the Bull-and-]\Iouth changed its ui^ly name ! but disjuniisc it as yon will, an hotel is an hotel, and an Eut^lishmaii cannot make liiniself believe that it is his home. Then these railway houses are all out of the way of where pleasure-seekiui;- peoi)le want to be, and though a party's require- ments are fairly supjilied. yet these hotels liold out no inducement for a run uj) to town for the mere pleasure of the thiny. This is what the Clubs do. They invite visits. A man feels that he has a real substantial home — a home containing- every imaginable luxury, without the tronble of management or forethouglit — aliome that: goes on as steadily in his absence as during his presence, to which he has not even the trouble of writing a note to say he is coming, to find everything as comfortable as he left it. No preparation, no effort, no lamps expiring from want of work ; good fires always going, good servants always in attendance, every- thing anticipated to his hand. Verily, a member of a Club may well ask, " What are taxes ? " Clubs, in tact, are the greatest and cheapest luxuries of modern times. AVe have before us the balance-sheet of one of the largest Clubs in London, whose income is some fifteen thousand a-year, which of course is all spent inside the house, there being no carriages, no horses, no coachmen, no grooms, no valets : nothing- but butlers, Avaiters, cooks, housemaids, what are generally called menial servants, in fact. Of this 15,000/. salaries and wages come to between 2,000/. and ?),000/. a-year; lighting, 1,000/.; fuel, 000/. ; liveries, 4oo/, ; washing nearly as much ; and for some eight or ten pounds a-year, a raeniber has the full benefit of the entire ex])en(liture, with the range of a magnificent house, the use of a valuable library, reading-i'ooms, writing-rooms, billiurd-rooms, smoking-rooms, baths, everything except beds. The propagation of Clubs has caused quite a revolution in the matter of town visitors' living. We saw that an unfortunate Boniface, who had got into the (piagmire of the Insolvent Court, attributed his misfortunes to the altered system of the day, many of his once best customers, he said, now driving up to his door with their PLAIN OR llIiVGLETS? 18:J liiiTgago, and after -washin.i;- their hands adjourning' to tho Welhngton, or the St. James's Hall, instead of eating and drinking for the good of his house, as thcj used to do ; but ■wc know many men who have washed their hands of hotels altogether, and drive np to bachelor bed-room-houses in the neighbourhood of the Clubs, where for a few shillings a-night they get capitally lodged, with a sneck key and invisible valeting of the first order. Then having renovated their outer men on arriving, they go to their Clubs and live like princes, the best of everything being sought for their use. Talk of country cream, country butter, country eggs, "our farm of four acres," and so on ; what country house can surpass the butter, cream, and eggs of a first-rate London Club ? Not only is the cream good, the butter good, and the eggs good, but the whole breakfost apparatus is of the nicest and most inviting order. Everything you want, and nothing more. Then the finely-flavoured tea is always so well made with real boiling water, instead of the lukewarm beverage we sometimes get ; the muffins are fresh, the ham handsomely cut, the rolls crisp, and the toast neither leathery nor biscuity. A Club-breakfast is a meal to saunter over and enjoy, alternately sipping the tea and tho newspaper. The dinners are quite on a par with the breakfasts, and adapted to every variety of pocket and appetite. The best of all is, that though there is no previous arrangement on the part of tho members, everything is as quickly supplied as if there had been. A quarter of an hour suffices to have dinner on the table — soup, fish, meat, sweets, and all. Then the prices for which a man can live are something incredibly low ; but it is the nature of luxury to beget luxury, wo do not know that the new generation have profited much, in a pecuniary point of view, by the cstal)lishment of Clubs. The old squires were rich — rich in the fewness of their wants, but the new squires have fijund wants that their forefathers were ignorant of. The old home manor won't do, they must have a moor ; the row on the river Avon't do, they nmst have a yacht on the sea ; the couple of hunters for Squire Jowleyrnan's hounds won't do, they must have six, and go u])on grass ; so that an increased expenditure has far more than absorbed the value of the re- ductions that have been made, and the money-saving advantages that have been acquired. The consequence of this is, that the new- squires have begun to turn their attention to what their fathers had a great aversion to, namely, a little trade, aiul endeavour to " make Ijoth ends ineet," as Paul Pry used to say, by a little speculation, llailroads firsc led theni astray at the time that all the world went mad together, and though it is true the Stock Exchange gentlemen wei'c not so self-denying as to let any of the is-» j'LAi.x oi: i:jy<; LicTSf M|iiiiTs inaki> any inonev at Lliat limo, yci the strJ of the dcsiro was Sown, auil has i^onc on friictifyinir t'ver sln(x\ .loiiit-Stock iJaiiks wore in favour until they hroiiirht so many juirties down with a run, hut the new Limited Liahihty Act oilers preaL faeilities for ailventurous enterprise. We stronji^ly susjx'et, how- ever, that tlie 8<|uires will find no safer or Iiettor speculation than in dniiniuix and improvinu; their own land. We ilo not advocate their teaching; the farmers their trade, but wc like to see them dispel the prejudices of habit by their example and sujierior intelligence. Aito^'other the country frcntlcmcn have become a very different race to what they were. They arc more men of the world, and liave shaken off the rancour and delusions of party, which, as Lord Brouiu'ham well sjiid, "allowed no merit in an adversary, and admitted no fault in a friend."' Whether this ciiange is attribut- able to the emancipation of railways, or to the shock their system sustained by the ruthless repeal of the Corn-laws, or a combination of both, is immaterial to inquire. The fact is un- doubted, and to men like the Duke of Tergiversation, who want to turn everybody to account, the chanuc is inconvenient. Bat wc must apologise to his (Jrace for keeping him so long af, his stone-heap, and will now proceed to assist him to entertain his Prince. PLAIN OK EINGLETS'^ 185 CHAPTER XXXV. SHOOTING AND SLAUGHTERING. — MR. BAGWELL THE KEEPER. AYING- now, like J\'lrs. Glasse, caught his hare, the Duke of Tergiversation proceeded to con- sider how he should cook him ; roast him, bake him, jug him, or stew him. The Prince was there for two dis- tinct purposes, viz., that of the Lady Honoria Hopkins, and his Grace's own, who of course wanted to make a magnet of attraction of him. The two pursuits lieiug perfectly dis- similar could be carried on simulta- neously without de- triment to each other. Leaving the ladies, therefore, to their own devices, we will pro- ceed to notice his Grace's entertainment of the great guest. Beyond striving for power or place, the Duke of Tergiversation had no ])articulai' pursuit that interested him more than another, though he turned his hand to most things, by way of keeping up his interest and doing as others did. Hunting he followed as a matter of business ; keeping the hounds because he thought they «-ot him votes ; and he shot on a somewhat similar principle. In the shooting way he was, perhaps, more determined than he was in the hunting line, for he liked to compete with his political opponent, the Earl of jMusk and Lavender ; so if his Lordship announced that so many guns had killed so many liead of game, the Duke would bestii' himself to eclipse the performance. Now it's all very well for people to say I fill have plenty of pheasants, I icill have plenty of parti'idges, J //■/// have plenty of hares ; but unless they take the necessary means of securing them, IN THE duke's PRE.jERVj;s. isii I'LA I \ (>i: i: I \ ( 1 L t: rs / tlu'V sUiml a very ])(«>r cliainT' (if iiuxinu,- tlicin. Lord linvcndcr \vj»s a sli(H»tor, u sbiuirlitoivr rntluT, and ll'd lii.nldy, allowiiiu- :i thousand a year for l)arK>y. wln'ivas tlie Duke of 'rer<;iversaLi(>n only all«)\v»'d a liundrrd : ami most of the land ahout the castle Iteinir in j^nt'^s, there was no teniiiits' >^iain whereon to make ivprisals. na«;\vell was therefore in a somewhat similar position to jioor Dnerow at Astley's, who was ove'iieard exelaiminu; one ni.u'lit, when it was his turn to j^o upon the stage to rejjresent Autumn in the alleLiorieal piece called the "Seasons," " Ow the 'ell can I ])lay Uautunui without the happles?" " Ow the 'ell could liagwell have a ijood l/at{ue without the barley ? " Tlij Duke, however, didn't care about the barley, he was per- emptory, and if he willed a thinir, he would know the reason why he hadn't it ; and Bat:;well knew by the exjierience of his ])red(- cessoi-s that if the slauuhter was not commensurate with the duke's expectations, his place would very soon be vacant. So he had to exert his utmost eneriiies, arranu'e the co\er8 to the best adv^ntau'e for back-handin<;- the birds, and eini)loyed peoi)le to beat all the stragi^lini,' out-lying ones down into the magic circle of the beat. He then essayed to supply any deficiency by an ingenious expedient, that we shall relate hereafter. The cooking question with the Duke then was, whether to lead off with a hunt, or a shoot, or a course, or a flourish about the country in the carriage and four. His Highness, like most foreigners, including both hunting and shooting under the one comprehensive term " r//r/.ss^," was (juite ready to assist at one, and the Duke having duly conned over the eligible parties to ask, it was finally arranged that a Bdttue should inaugurate the Prince's visit. It required a little tact and consideration to get it u]> ])roperly, for some i)eople like battues while others don't. ^\r. Waddles woidd like to shoot if ^Ir. Pepper was to be there ; while ;Mr. Addleton would not go if he thought farmer jMeadowcrof't was coming. Again, the guns are to be taken into account, some people being too good shots, others too bad : Tomkins dangerous and Simpkins not altogether safe. There is the excitement of being sliot as well as the excitement of shooting. In addition to all this, the Duke had the political and other tendencies of the parties to consider, for he was " a nothing for nothing man," and always liked to see his way to a return. Ask- ing people to come and shoot at a battue with a Prince, was quite a different thing to giving them a day's leave over hill and dale from Eastgate rim to Westfield corner, or from Broomey Banks to Limefield LaMU, And this leads us to observe, that it is hardly ])0ssible to imagine that one and the same amusement can be followed in such ways as to look like two distinct pursuits, as in the case of shooting and battueiim-. In one case a man goes out with PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 187 his dogs and gun, just as he would with his walking stick ; roves the fields, looks at his stock or his drains, or his turnips, or the coming corn ; goes just as fancy prompts him, (ir liis dog inclines to his game ; it' he gets his two or three jjrace of birds, well and good, if not, he gets healthy exercise, and the birds are there for another day ; he has looked over the manor, and let the country see that the Squire is astir. He has used shooting much as Beck- ford used hare-hunting, who said that it " should be taken instead of a ride after breakfast to get one an appetite for dinner. If you make a serious business of it," says he, " you spoil it." That is just the case with the battue. There is little or no exercise, while there is great preparation, trouble, and expense. True, in ordinary shooting, a stranger does not range the estate with the same interest as the owner ; l)ut it is perfectly possible to have quite as mucli game as will satisfy every reasonable requirement, and bring a friend home with a very good appetite for dinner without any extravagant outlay. The exercise and the pleasure a man has in Avatching the working of his dogs, is quite as great as sending the poor birds neck and crop over. If, as is said of coursing, you are mad for a moment, and stnrved for an hour ; so with the battue, you exterminate in a day what should serve you a year. We never heard of but one utilitarian reason attempted to be given for the battue, which was, that to lessen the quantity of game and to kill it for the surrounding district, the hattue is infinitely a better way than to potter after game thinly spread over a wide extent, whereby a man would not be able to kill half so much ; but that is rather an aigument for not having so much game than for reducing it in that way. The party, to be sure, added a very sensible observation, namely, " that elderly gentle- men, like himself, who had had the gout, could not get over hedges and dit(;hes as well as tliey did five-and-twenty years before ; and therefore, without the battue, they Avould be debarred from the; amusement altogether." Still they are 'not the things for able- bodied men ; and the fact of their being of foreign extraction does not recommend them to our notice. Another thing is, that after all the barley — the beat, l)eat, beating, and the bang, bang, banging — the " tottle of the whole," as poor Mr. Hume used to say, is tame and insignificant compared to the campaign of the foreigner. " I assisted," writes Count Yeltheim from Germany to a friend in England, " at a battue at l>iiron Assbui'g's " (a very proper name for the giver of such an entertainment,), " where a company of a dozen shots killed in three days IS deer, b(\ roes, 10 foxes, and ;i27 hares. We could at the same time have killed a dozen wild boars if the proprietor of the estate had not wished them to be spared." The Count then relates how two friends of his had been at a battue, where in four days 24 (mi hares were killed; "but," says 188 /•/..! /.V .»/; i:i .\<; l.irrs/ the Count, *• I do nut lik • sutli IViks, wliicli jiiv morn a massai-rc! than a sport ; jiarlly, l»('rauso 1 am of o]iiiiion, tliat there should I'O at all sptirts some «-han»r aiul skill ; and partly, bcfause 1 like shootini: the best where dillerent kinds of ^ame are expected, thouijh not in such immense quantities." The sjxirt that the then Kiiii;- of XapK'S, the i;-reatest sportsman of Europe, is reported to have had in (lermany, about the year 17'.)!,° WMuld have been more to the Count's taste, so far as variety is concerned ; the result being — ."» bears, ]S:?(» wild boars, 1'.>G8 staff's, ];{ wolves, ;>">1 foxes; pheasants, rabbits, hares, she- jroats, roebucks aiul partridges, innumerable. The results of a British battue, the pheasants, partridges, and hares, seem small by the side of such doings as that. But let us to the J)ucal preserves, and see what wc can do. First, however, for a word with the Keeper, and al)uut the guests. The Duke of Tergiversation's were capital covers, and wanted nothing but the barley to make them perfect. They were warm and (h-y, with plenty of nice underwood, mingled with briars and brambles and other leaf-retaining shrubs, or weeds as they would be called elsewhere. Then there were thick grassy and sedgy s])ots for the accommodation of the hares and restless rabl)its, with rare temjitation for woodcocks. Altogether they were very good, and ranged conveniently round the castle. I^agwelTs pretty lodge stood on the gently rising ground of Sunnybrow Hill, nestling among cedars and evergreens, and cut off from the kennel by a huge, well-clipped yew hedge, that would have puzzled ^Ii'. Haggish to get over. It was a thatched, lattice-windowed, wood- bine-porticoed house, with the usual nuiseum of natural history — rats, cats, weazels, hawks, owls, magpies. Arc, in various stages of decomposition — nailed in i-ows against the end. ^rr. Jiagwell had i)een in a good many places, and there were few of the ti-icks of his trads that he was not up to. He never staid very hnig anywhere, having been dismissed from one place for not having any fcjxes, from another for having too many, and from a third for having neither foxes nor pheasants. Still he was what the country people call a " ske chap ; " knew well where to sj)rinkle the white ])eas, sow sunflower or plant Jerusalem arti- chokes, to 'tice over a neighbour's pheasants ; and being a big, burly, bullying sort of fellow, he kei)t the country (juiet, and prevented stories getting to the Duke's cars that might otherwise have reached them. Bagwell used often to turn out on his white pony to criticise his aversion, Mr. Ilaggish's proceedings with the hounds, always de- claring confidentially to his comrades, that that " Haggish John," as he called him, was the greatest humbug he had ever set eyes on. * Dlainc's Rural Sports. PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 189 It was now, however, Mr. liap-gish's turn, and Bagwell felt that he wonld be snre to retaliate. He would have given his ears for it to have been a Avet day. No such luck, however, for Bag ; on the contrary, it was a lovely one — a sort of summer day, that somehow or other had got slipped into winter, just as a sovereign sometimes gets slipped into one's silver. The sky was blue, the air was clear and calm ; the sun shone brightly, burnishing up the ruddy beech and the browning oaks, while the evergreens, the yews, the pines, the cedars, stretched themselves out comfortably against their late oppressive rivals, the now leafless elms and ash. This is the time that a man feels the value of his evergreens, and almost wishes his trees were all such, just as in spring, when the larch puts forth its early light-green leaves, he wishes his trees Avere all larch ; and when the sycamore or something else succeeds, he wishes they were all sycamores, or whatever the others happen to be, and inwardly resolves to plant a great profusion of his favourites in the autumn. The days of early winter are generally either very fine and bright, or very dull and hazy, scarcely any day at all, indeed — days that in towns the sun has to be supplemented by the gas, and the country looks like an immense vapour bath. Having started betimes and cracked the country round, and placed sentinels at all the likely points to scare back invaders, IVIr. Bagwell at length returned to his residence to array his stahvart figure in the green and gold livery of office, and proceed to the rendezvous at Ranger the Under-keeper's Lodge at Merevale Gate. Having accomplished the toilette, and crowned himself with the lace-bedizened hat, he invested himself with the insignia of office in the shape of a little knotty dog-whip, and, unkennelling a couple of spaniels, set off on his mission, inwardly hoping that things inight turn out as well as he could wish. He didn't Avant to change his place if he could help it. As he crossed the spacious park, the straggling infantry of beaters — youths in smocks, youths in fustian, youths in tweeds — were seen convei-ging on the same quarter ; while the clatter-patter, clatter-patter, of the distant blockers was borne down wind upon the light western breeze. 190 I' I. ATX "i: /. / .\ ^ /. /; y.s' ? c"iiArri:n xxxvr. TlIK ItKNDHZVOLS. — TIIK I'KKSKNTATIOXS. PLSIDKS oihcT c c c e 11 L r i c freaks that. t li e f^ r e a t '• (} olden- i;oose"rail\v;iy ]) lay e d, i t fhan<;ed tlie Duke of Tlt- i^iversation's grand cavri aw drive from the south side of the Castle lo the north. We don't mean to say, that tlie railway direc- tors rolled it up and carried it away bodily, butbyrunniiii;- the line up the valley of the l>art, instead of winding round the Scars of the Shire, they practically extinguished it. AVherever the station is there will have to be the road, regardless of groves, grottoes, temples, terraces, or what not. The exigencies of the 'Bus know nothing of scenery. The consequence of this was, that a very fine triumphal arch, surmounting Gothic lodges, holding massive iron gates of splendid structure, was nearly lost to society ; for these are short-cut days, and none but an owner cares to go round for the ride. The Duke, however, not being the man to put his candle under a bushel, al.vays took care to air his guests in that direction, and had now fixed upon tiie " Arch " as the rendezvous for the hatlue. And, as Bagwell, " AVith careless steps and slow," came over Cherryburn bill, " The mingling notes came soften'd from i.elow." Tilt: BKAKDED I'ltlNcr:. FLAIN OR IIINGLETS? 191 If not, " The swain responsive as the milkmaid sui;g," iit all events, "■ The phiyful children just let loose from school," for old Dame Dnnkorley had hurried her brats throug-h tlicir three R.'s (Readiup,-, lliting, and 'Rithmatic), in order tliat they might bear a hand at the baifue. And now a curious medley of small boys, armed with scare-crows and hedge-stakes, nearly as tall as themselves, crowd round Mr. Ranger, who, attired in all the pomp of green plush, stands towering in imposing altitude above them. He presently succumbs to the swaggering Mr. Bagwell, and no sooner has the cliauge in command been effected, than a four-wheeled chaise, containing two little haystack-looking men, one toi3ped with a pigeon-pie hat, the other with a drab wide- awake turned up with green, appear outside the imposing gates which, revolving on their easy hinges, the tramp, tramp, trump, of a good old laniily horse, sounds on the pavement beneath the massive arch, and is again lost on the gravel of the drive. The carriage contains Captain Cambo, R.N., and Mr. Humphrey Gheadle, of Lambswool Hill, who though plumpers in person, had split their votes at the last election, a proceeding that the Duke wishes to rectify in future. This he thinks to ac- complish by giving them a dinner and a day's shooting ; and though the Captain was at first disposed to accept the latter only, yet Mrs. Cambo, or Mrs. Captain Cambo as she calls herself, being, as the Duke says, an " ambitious woman," has persuaded him to go in for both. They are both good shooters, but bad hitters, and Bagwell is not sorry to see them. And now the fatties having descended from their vehicle and given themselves probationary shakes on reaching the ground, as if to ascertain that they have not left any of their limbs behind them, proceed to unhook and unclasp the integuments that conceal their sporting habiliments, to uncoil their shawl cravats, and dis- card their Inverness and Hip})opotamus Inverness cloaks. In this metamorphose the shooter is greatly in arrear of the foxhunter ; for as the latter proceeds to dismiss his exterior he reveals improved and becoming apparel, wliile the shooter too often strips to a mere figure of fun. Captain Cambo, the gentleman in the pigeon-pie hat, with his scrimpy bright-buttoned green coat, flattening on his pulfy peg-top trousers, thrust into old round-toed Hessian boots, is the exact image of our much-respected friend, Paul Pry ; and Mr. Humphrey Chcadle has a sort of half-butcher, half-poacher like appearance. But Avhom have we in the Whitechapel, drawn by the good- r.»-' i'i.Ai.\ oi: i:i .\(; i.irrs f lookinj; roan noiiy, with a nun lH'ii|iiiii,f oiil, like an rar al ciLluir sido of the vi'liii'lo ? All, thosi> mv Mr. Brown White ami rohdu-l Xottlosti-ad, hoth ont-aiul-out 'IVrLrivcrsatioii iiu'ii, who do what they are toKl and ask no (|Ui'stions. They are shooters, and will most likely u^et u i»raee ol" jihiasants, and perhajts a hare, to take home with them at the end of tin- day ; hut no ilinner. They are safe without. C'amhn and Choadle nod to them in a sort of iwitronisinjj: way, as nnieh as to say, we are not one ol" you yet. Mr, Blaek Wiiiti', ^Ir. Brown White's i)rother, is not asked ; beeanse havinint2;- of the liii'lit falsetto order, is not to be mistaken, it is generally heard before the owner heaves in sight, Tonguey is a good shot, Wheeler a middling one, and Daintry a bad one. Daintry is here, because the Duke understands he has lately been dining at Lavender Tower, and he thinks a day and a dinner may keep him steady. He voted right last time. Tiiis new arrival makes seven guns in all which, with the three expected from the Castle, give a tottle often, as many as Bagwell would like to find pheasants for. And now, when the great sportsmen have all got out of their vehicles, and out of their husks, they present a most miscellaneous incongruous assortment, no two of them being in any way alike. If our gallant, and, we believe, unjustly suspected neighbours, the French, were to attempt an invasion and meet such a force on landing, they would never get further for laughing. The scene is like that of a /Jal Masque, where each man laughs at his neigh- lx)m', without recollecting Avhat an object he is himself. Paul Pry Cambo struts about, staring first at Tonguey Thomson's Glengarry cap and Knickerbockers, then at Wheeler's duck trowsers and rusty Xapoleons, and wondering where jMr. Daintry got his very fine pea-green jacket and white moleskins from. Thinks he must have been expecting to breakfast at the Castle, and intended to captivate the Lady Honoria. Then as the carriages wheeled off, and the chattering cigar- smoking group lounged about at their ease, Bagwell conned them quietly over, thinking how he should place them, with an eye to his own interest, and the advantage of the bag. And as the cigars of the smokers gradually approached the tips of their noses, watches began to be looked at, and eyes turned towards the distant PLAIN OB KINGLETS? 193 Castle, where the crimson flao- fluttered hazily on the breeze, and the bright sun illuminated the windows, and burnished up the gilt vanes and pinnacles of the towers. Then Captain Cambo, feeling the chill, began to strut to and fro, as if he were walking the quarter deck, while Tonguey Thomson cocked his Glengarry ca]), and chattered on the beauties of punctuality, while ]\Ir. Brown White, who did not like giving his tongue much licence, asked if it was possible^ they had mis taken the day ? " Oh no," " Oh no," Avas the ready response, whereon some growled, and others looked out for fresh cigars. Bagwell too lighted his pipe, and the smoking became pretty general — for it is safer to smoke than to talk when you are not quite sure of your company. Though the Duke of TergiA'ersation was extremely particular in making his appointments, he was most unpunctual in keeping them ; and notwithstanding he had requested the sturdy Squires to be at the Triumphal Arch at " ten minutes to eleven — ten minutes to eleven, punclualh/, if they pleased," he was so taken up with his papers, and the Prince with the Lady Honoria, that it was a quarter to twelve ere the two, with Lord Marchhare for vis-a-vis, left the Castle in the carriage-and-four for the scene of action, and then proceeded at a slow pace through the glades and windings of the Park, in order to enable his Grace to point out the beauties and extent of the place. His Grace was on the high horse that day. Meanwhile the Squires had begun to be rather growly, looked at their watches, and looked at the sky, and talked about losing the best part of the day, " Sail, ahooi ! " at length cried Captain Cambo, who was still on the quarter deck, as the yellow livery of the out-rider rounded Holling Green wood, whereupon murmuring tongues were silenced, and all eyes turned to where the scarlet-jacketed postilions were g — e — e — ntly rising in their stirrups to the piloting of the yellow guide. " Here they come ! " was then the cry, and animation was in- fused into the late muttering, murmuring group. On the carriage came, at an easy airing-like pace, looking as though it were Midsummer-day and that tliere was no one concerned in the drive but themselves. Presently the red vest of the out-rider was visil)le, next his red collar and cuffs, and then the bright, closely arranged buttons of the postilions' jackets began to glitter in the sun. A jerk of the head, with a wave of the whip-hand of tlie out-rider, now showed where the carriage was going to set down at the Lodges, when up it presently came, amid a general hoist of pigeon-pie hats, wide-awakes, (Hcngarries, and other head-coverings. All \\-as then condescension and polite- ness. The carriage having drawn up in good form, two highly j)OWiU'ri\l footinon in tlio riimhk' wnv prrst'iitly at llu' door, Llic noisok'ss steps unfolded, and the well nuillieil up trio descended and entered Mr. K:ini:ei*s lodjji' to unwrap and prepare tlieniselves. That ceremony over, with the aid of .Nfrs. Kau<;er, tlie Duke ])resently appeared dressed in a full suit of heather-coloured 'I' weed, with a niuHin-cap of a similar nuiterial on iiis head, now usheriiii;- the bearded ]*rince, who was attired in a very splendid liaiu-cr- like <:old-laccd iri'een fora,<;;in.u;-cap with a square jiatcnt leather peak, a tii^htish fitting i^reen tunic huttoninu- down the fnint and secured at the waist by a black ])atent leather g(»ld or j^ilt lion- headed clasped belt, (ircenish tinged doe-skin trousers, and leather-topped buttoned boots of a similar hue, encased his Ilighness's extremities, altogether a very different costume to that of the ])anditti-looking ]iarty to whom he was now about to be presented, or rather who were now to be presented to his Highness. A general stare and flutter ensued as the great men emerged from the Lodge on the left of the Arch, and the little boys jumped up, and stood on tip-toe, or pressed past taller people in order to get a sight of the hero. Then the ceremony of shaking hands, and grinning, and wclcom- iuir, and inquiring after wives and families, had to Ijc undertaken by the Duke under the doubly disadvantageous circumstance of not being very sure of his men at any time, even in their usual attire, let alone in the grotesque costume many of them had now assumed. Every great man should be allowed a " Remembrancer," a person to prompt, and tell him who people are, and hint their peculiarities as they approach ; for they all expect to be properly identified for ever after an introduction, thinking because they remember the stranger, that the stranger must rememl>er them, forgetful of the fact that they have but one face to digest and remember, whereas the stranger has a whole host. "Who doesn't know the difficulty of " who's who-ing " a field of fox-hunters after an introduction, and again of identifying the same parties in an evening ? Candidates at elections always have a smart somebody at their elbows to tell them who people are, and perhaps indicate their peculiarities, as, for instance, this corpulent gentleman with the green cutaway-coat and buff waistcoat is ^Ir. Stopgap the master of the ^lugginsworth harriers, and forthwith l\h\ Embryo, ]\I.P., begins ingi'atiating himself by inquiring first after the health of Mrs. Stopgap, and all the little Stopgaps (twelve in number) ; then after the hounds, with hopes that they " continue to show the sport for which they have always been famous " — a good safe venture, seeing that if they have never shown any, the hope will be right. Or if the approacher is a sour, sombre, cadaverous- looking gentleman, with perhaps a tract peeping out of his long, THE PRIXCK WAS " PROUD TO MAKE HIS ACQUAINTANCE." [i. 195. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 195 puritanical coat-pocket, the prompter will say, this is Mr. Soberton, the great teetotaler, -whereupou the candidate revolves the circle of his ideas, and up turns a dissertation on the virtues of temperance, and anathemas against Brandy and Beer-shops, wine and spirits generally. So the smiling gentleman passes from grave to gay, from lively to severe, each voter feeling the full force of his compliments. How much better this is than calling Mr. Eiffield Mr. Driffield, asking after a man's children who has none, or hoping Mr. Bolter's good lady, who has just been Sir Cresswell Cresswell'd, is quite well. But we are keeping our great men waiting, and this too on a fine but cool winter's day, so let us operate upon the group at the Lodge. A Prince being a rarity anywhere, and the Duke intending to make capital out of the visit, was most particular in sowing the seeds of his crop by bringing up all those whom he thought were to be influenced by a flattering presentation — First he called up Mr. Daintry, the second swell of the party, and introduced him as his "excellent friend and neighbom- Daintry," whereupon the Prince gesticulated — was much proud to make Daintry's acquaint- ance, and asked him " at vot time of year his ewes lambed ? " Before Daintry could hit upon the answer, Mr. Wheeler was brought forward, and was put through his facings ; then Captain Oambo, next Humphrey Cheadle, and finally Tonguey Thomson was hounded upon him, from whom the Prince at length got an answer to the question he had propounded to all the rest, namely, *' Vot time of de year his ewes lambed ? " Brown White, and Colonel Nettlestead alone were unpresented CHAPTEE XXXVII. THE BATTUE. — THE PROVINCIALS. While Tonguey Thomson was buttonholeing the Prince, telling him about his ewes, and Jackey Jones's ewes, and somebody else's ewes, Mr. Bagwell stepped forward with one of those exuberant military salutes which generally denote that the donors take their change in the way of impudence out of other peoi)le, and then most respectfully submitted the programme of the day's performance to the Duke. Ever since Lord Brougham unbagged the schoolmaster, and sent him on liis travels, there has been a growing tendency to shed ink until it has become almost impossible to arrange the simplest transaction without a great consumption of paper. Every one 2 VM\ ri.iiy <>i: i;i .\(; i.i:ts? wants to show olV in his own jtarticiilar \iiu-. Sd IJatfwcll p;(it Kixlwi'U. thr villairo-.sL'lioohuasti'r of Ski'Iportnti. to (haw him an »lalM»raic |«h»ii of tlie cover and country, showini; two (hllercnt niotUs of attack, one of which plans was cnihlazoncd with a triunipliant ]ihca.saiit, the other with a IctharLiic-lookini:' hai'c, both tliou'_'ht at Skclperton to be perfect triumphs of the art. Alas, for the aspirations of mankind I The Duke havinj; rt all discussion hy handin;i; them hack, savin".'', "Take us whrn- wc will jjfet the best shootinfj^." So |{aeii"iiis with the best rooms first, but draws the quests on through gradually increasing splendour, until they end in — say — St. ( leorge's Hall, at Windsor, or in that most extraordinary production the banquetiug-room in the Pavilion at Brighton, so the Duke did not dive at once into the thick of his pheasants, but nibbled a little at the outskirts, going from middling covers to better, from better to good, and from good to capital. The first the invading army halted before was South Rippleford, a long plantation of about thirty years' growth, with a tolerable crop of fern, privet, and brushwi>od generally. It was some five or six acres of generally even width, close at top. and not very good travelling. Here then they all halted on the green sward to receive arms and arrange the form of attack. Gun to his Highness, gun to the Duke, gun to Lord Marchhare. The first thing that struck the assembled group was the extreme laxity with which his Highness handled his implement. Now, it is all very well for great men to condescend, but there is no occasion to carry their familiarity to their guns, and it struck both Captain Cambo and !Mr. Brown White, that there was very little to choose l»etweeii being shot by a poacher or a Prince. The Duke, however, trusting- these matters to Bagwell, just as he trusted the hounds to Haggish, took it for granted that all was right, so placed his distinguished guest in the post of honour, and the rest of the party having fallen into line, his Grace gave the signal to Bagwell to commence the attack, and lead them to glory, despite the want of the barley. We do not wish to say anything unpolite, but we do think there seems something rather akin to placing the twenty-pounder against PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 197 the pig-sty door, this bringiiip; such an array of men, boys, beaters, loaders, and guns against a lot of birds, which, though handsome and ornamental, are not the most sagacious in the world. In fact, a pheasant, of all the game tribe, is the least self-provident — for though they can run pretty fast, yet when they come to fly it must be an indifferent shot who can't knock them over — while the way in which they show themselves on their feeding-places, and the proclamations they make of their whereabouts at nights, are perfectly " unpardonable," as the old gamekeeper said. However, it does not do for guests to find fault with their host's entertainment, so having come to a haftue we must make the best of the business. The beaters are into the cover, the line is formed, so let us advance. Now an unwonted clatter, and cries of cock, cock, cock, resound through the wood, scaring the cushcts, and causing alarm among the denizens generally. j\Ieanwhile all eyes arc strained, and guns kept ready cocked, eager for the excitement of the " first shot." Now an unusual clatter resounds across the cover, and — Ba/iij ! there it goes to Mr. Brown White's gun. *' Rabbit ! " cries Eanger, adding, *' smallest donation thankfully received," as the boy brings it up. Bang ! Bang ! Bang ! Three guns all in a row. Two hares killed by Wheeler and Ool. Nettlestead, and a hen pheasant well missed by Captain <*ambo. W-h-i-r-r ! Up goes a great gollaring red-eyed cock pheasant from the ground, right in a line witli the Prince. Bang ! goes his Highness half at the noise, half at the object. " Good miss," cries the Duke letting drive, and missing also. Bang ! Bang ! Bang ! go three or four guns, blowing a hen pheasant all to atoms, followed by cries of '' Captain Cambo ! J)o keep in line ! " JSang ! Bang .' again, the Prince's gun has gone off" incontinently, the charge ploughing up the ground, a few paces in front of a fustian-clad Ijeater. The second gun was that of Mr. Daintry, who let drive at an owl, thinking it was a woodcock. On, on the invaders go, up fly the game, iang go the guns, as either fur or feathers happen to ajipear. And now the fugitive pheasants having run the cover's utmost limits, are at length ensconced amidst the ground feathering spruce and hollies, at the high end of the ])lantation, and the shooters emerge to take up favourable positions for the final destruction. (Jlatter, clatter, clatter, go the beaters, and after one or two solitary /r-//-/-/--r-//-.s-, the rest rise as it were in a cloud, and going up like rockets come down like dumplings to the bang, bang, Jjangings of the guns. 10s /•/. I/.V ni! i;i.\(; LETS? S(> South rii|i|ilif()i(l is slidt. and the |iaitios after n'('(iuntin<:: tlu'ir iutlividiial siirci-ss, and cxi'UsiiMj: tlifir niissi's, enjoin Captain <'ainlm to keep lietter in line, and imieei'd to yi:iverin<^ Hill, rejoiciiiLT. Here the same sort of scene ensued, witli the exception tliat till' sportsmen eiieircled the elumi), and tiic jLTiune heinj^ driven out in nil directions, the shootinj,' was more short, sharp, and decisive. There was jilenty of tirinfr for every one, and the steady sho()tinjjr of ^Ir. l?rown AVliite and others made up for the missinffn//, ban;), hcwfjhnj of the /'/, i/.v ni: /:i m; i.iri sr Tln'ii Jlu' yrcat Mr. IJajiwdl a;,'aiii rose to iiniMnlaiicc, and stoppiiiir fonvanl to ivlii-vc tin- I'liiifc of liis ut where ami oh where, in the midst of all this I'riucing and this pop, crack, banging, are our heroes Jack and Jasper gone ? The latter, to be sure, we have recently seen in connection with his little bill and his race-horse ; but Mr. Bunting has been lost sight of, while waiting for that time when " Mamma would be glad to see him," as intimated by ^liss liosa and confirmed l)y her prudent parent hertelf at the Rocks. The reader, perhajjs, will Mot attach muc-h im]iortance to Lord ]\Iarchhare's attentions to Miss Rosa, though they had undouijtedly the elfect of consoling her for Mr. Bunting's absence. Our friend Jasper was still looked upon as the ultimate harl>our of refuge if nothing better could be done ; but in this enterprising gad-about world there is no saying PLAIX OR ItlNGLETS? 201 what a day or an Lour may produce. Jasper of course liad the run of Privett Grove in a domestic cat sort of way, but there was no pressing- or hinting that he ought to be ottering. If the Bunting funds had not gone up, the Goldspink ones had rather fallen, and Mrs. McDerniott Avould like a little more information about Mr. Bunting, if she only knew where to get it. Cupid has the advantage over all other sportsmen in his season being continuous. His arrow flies as freely in the frosts of winter as in the heat of summer. Winter had now established her full supremacy, the trees and hedges were leafless, and would-be sportsmen had now no excuse left for not taking the held in pursuance of the summer announcements. Some men are desperately keen so long as the corn is in the ground. Oar friend Mr. Bunting, though not a " six days a-week, and more if possible, man," could hunt a little just as he could shoot a little, and fish a little, especially when so doing would forward his views in other respects. Though absent, he was still true to the pretty hat, and longed for the day when he would be restored to its comi^any. Meanwhile he spun several yards of bad verse in praise of our beauty. As hunting runs a good deal in streams, t,he current of which generally sets one way, all for the grass, a man may make many inquiries in London ere he gets much information respecting a remote country. Of course if he falls in with a man of the land he will hear how the 8crambleford are the finest hounds in the world, how there is no such huntsman as Tootles, bow theii* country is next to the Quorn, and a chap who can go over it can go anywhere ; but for any reliable directions as to quarters and so on, he might as well ask what hounds there are in the moon. . Mr. Bunting felt the full force of this observation, as in the course of his peregrinations he varied the usual conversation about the weather, by asking any hunting-man with whom he came in contact, if he could tell him anything about the Duke of Tergiver- sation's hounds. " Why, yes, Sir Sam])son Scamper knew there was such a pack, because he saw them advertised, but where they hunted he hadn't the slightest idea in the world. Didn't s'pose they were a pack that any body ever went to see — rig'lar provincials — he made no doubt." "Why, what the deuce can //on want with the Duke of Tergi- versation's hounds ? " exclaimed Mr. Ilowley Unshington, on being interi'ogated on the same subjec^t — " Why what tiie deuce can you want with the Duke of Tergiversation's hounds ? " repeated he, eyeing Mi'. I>nnting sus|)iciously. " Oil, nothing," quoth he, "nothing particular, see them, that's all," stuttered our conscience-stricken hero, trying to turn the con- versation. -< »-' / ' /. .1 / v n i: i; I .V <; l E TS ." "Oh fuKlK'-clo-dt'o : tnic pack is vory niufli like another iiow-a- «hiys. If voii want t<> hunt. i,'n into a irnod counLry — costs no more than a Iwul one — noi so miirli i,'oncrally/' S«t Mr. Huntini; pntfitcd very little by his ini|uiriis, and felt it advisahjo to discontinue them. CM' course, if a man <,'oes into a country solely lor huntinir, hi^ best plan is first to ascertain where the kennel is, and then to look out for accommod:.tion somewhere in the ncij^dibourhood, but in a case of this sort, where the huntinf^ was a secondary consideration — indeed subservient to something? else — the plan was to see what locality W(.iuld be most convenient to the some- tiiine. For this jjurjiose ^Ir. limitini; c(»inied the large map of the country hani^'ini; against the wall of the sinecure lil)rary, or rather slee]iin<:-room of the Polyanthus Club, puttini,' his fore-fin^a-r on the modestly denoted Privet I (irove, and then castin<; about for the Castle, ^laytield, and other familiar thou_t,di yet unexploi'cd places. He felt himself quite at home with them, thouL'h he had never seen them, so often had he talked them over with ^liss and Mamma, when — '• AVith them conversing, he," kc. !Mayfield was certainly what the country-people call most "con- tairious '' to Privett Grove — Imt then it was wide of the castle, added to which our friend would have to encounter his fat rival with his dirty five-pound notes at every turn and corner, Heathertield was nearer the Castle, but wide of the railway, and Cotfield Court did not seem likely to l>e large enouj^h to accoiu- raodate a gentleman of his luxurious requirements. Burton 8t. Leger seemed larger, and a reference to a certain expensive topo- graphical dictionary, showed that it boasted three inns, viz., the .Marquis of Cornwallis, the .Saracen's Head, and the Malt Shovel. Upon the whole therefore, after mature deliberation, and all the available information he could obtain about the Duke's derided country, he determined to throw himself upon the resources of Burton St. Leger. To this end he then began to prepare himself, and ultimately made the arrangement we shall presently disclose. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 203 CHAPTER XXXVIII. CAPTAIN CAVENDISH CHICHESTER'S HOESES, The benevolence of the Londoners with regard to their liorses can only be fully appreciated by those who are aware how much those excellent people are in the habit of giving things away. Not a number of " The Times " do we take up Avithout finding- some most excellent offer, a steady cob, equal to carry a castle, without fault or blemish, to be parted with for one quarter his value to insure a good master and a comfortable home. " A highly broken lady's horse to be disposed of or lent, subject to approval, with any trial allowed, either on the road or in the riding school." Next, " A gentleman having a pair of well-bred, handsome grey horses, will lend them until the summer, or sell them at a great sacrifice. They are 15 hands 3 inches high, five and six years old, quiet in single and double harness, and quiet to ride ; wUl carry ladies ; also good hunters, step well together ; have grand action, with light mouth, and temperate ; splendid Brougham or phaeton horses ; sold together or separately with their suits of clothes. Warranted sound, and one month's trial given. To save trouble, no dealer need apjjly." — A useless exclusion, seeing that none would be weak enough to do so ; but then it looks as if the tender-hearted owner merely wanted to secure good quarters for his dumb favourites, where he could occasionally have the pleasure of seeing or hearing of them. And what does the reader think the disinterested party asks for these pieces of perfection — these " Mathews at home " of horses — five and six years old ; own brothers most likely, in the prime of life — ■"Three hundred guineas ? " as Tattersall would say. Two hundred and fifty ? Two hundred ? A hundred and seventy-five ? A hundred and fifty ? A hundred ? A paltry hundred ! No, not even a hundred — ninety guineas ! Ninety guineas is all that is asked fur a pair of well-bred handsome horses, that can do everything, and a month's trial allowed. What can be fairer or more liberal ! With three such otters, a man might have his season's job for nothing. First the grays, then the bays, and next, perhaps, the silver roans. In fact, the Cockneys are so soil and generous that they are always wishing to oblige other people with their horses. Their kindness in this matter exceeds all belief. They are always ottering. That splendid brook-jumper Topthornc, seems to be getting lent or given away every day. Homehow the otters all run -'»i /'/. i/.v ('/; i;i \(. i.irrs .' U|HMJ liorsi's. Wi- never sie a pMid idw, or a eari'iaj^e lo lie lent, <»r a fut pii,' to Ik* sold for half price. That there an- a ;xreat many well-ttt-do people ready to avail ihemselves of siieli l»ari,'aiiis is evident liy tiie number and pertinacity pointed it out to him, and away he went as directed. It was not a very inviting locality, and a])peared worse in consequence of the sudden transition from the openness of the Sfjuare to its contracted limits. It was a long narrow alley running the w'hole length of the Square, interspersed with dunghills, dairies, coal-sheds, and cabbage-shops, with here and there a marine-store-dealer. As^Ir. Bunting wended his way, taking care of his l)Oots, the w^omen looked at him and smiled, as if there was something unusual about him, but when he ]taused at r»l a, and began asking in a loud and audible voice for " I*eter Craidcey, Captain Cavendisli Chicliester's groom," there was an increased supply of plain or ringlets at the windows and doors, with more smiling and putting of aprfins up to the mouth. PLAIN OR RIN<4LETS? 205 "Where shall I find Peter Crankey, Captain Cavendish Chichester's groom ? " demanded Mr. Bunting, wondering what they were giggling at — '' Where shall I find Peter Crankey, Cap- tain Cavendish Chichester's groom ? " repeated he, reading the address from his slip of paper. t CAPTAIN CAVENDISH fHICHEMTKIl S "Touch the l)ell above your head, Sir ! Touch the bell ! above your head. Sir ! " exclaimed a chimney-sweep from a window over the way, and looking up, Mr. Bunting saw the half-rod, half chain of a little bell-pull dangling at the white door-post beside him. He gave it a gentle ])all, and stood waiting for the result. Scarcely had it concluded its tinkle ere a rustle up the adjoining SOC I'L.ITX >>i: i:i \<; l.KTSr entry annouinoil an apiiroacli. and a man canii', settlin",' liinisclf into a i:ivasy irray i-nal as he walkfd. Ho was nut at all a pn-poKscssiin; lookini; person, nor at all the 8ort ol'irrooin that one wonM i-xpoct to find attadu-d to the jHTson of such an aristocratically named Captain. He looked like a cross l)otwcen a circus-man, a doi,'-stealer, a cow-leech, and a liesom- inakcr. In person he was ahont six feet hi,uh, but awkward and ill-prop.)rtioned, close dipped, clean shaved, and moustached. with a green patch (»ver his ri<;ht eye, and all the roj^uery of the two compri'ssod into liis left one. That indeed was a jiiercer, and Mr. lUuitin? felt rather nervous as its ill-omened Instre settled fully npon him. He inwardly resolved whatever he did about the lioi-ses he wouldn't borrow the j^ruom. ** You be come to sec our na<:s, I s'pose," ol)servcd the man, jrivinjx his <,'reasy vest-pockets an external squeeze for the key, and then divini; deep into liis bagiry broad ]iatterned brown cord ones. From the riirht pockt t he then fished up the rin^-key, which he quickly ajiplied to the lock of the newly-) lainted pea-f^reen door, hallooin.f; out, '* ^latthew Andrew I ^latthew Andrew!" as he opened it. '* AValk in, Sir 1 walk in!" continued Peter, in a peremptory sort of tone, as our hero rather hesitated on the threshold — " walk in, Sir, do,'' and Mr. Runtinu", rememberinf? the dislike these gentry have to a breath of fresli air in the stables, and wishing perhaps to escape the criticisms of the now gathering crowd, almost involuntarily complied, trusting to the publicity of the place for not being murdered. The door Avas closed and bolted inside as soon Jis he was well in, and an attenuated giunified-looking lad, attired in a full suit of dirty fustians, came crawling headforemost down the loft-ludder in reply to the summons for " ^Matthew Andrew." "Open the window-shutter," said Peter, adjusting his stable- cap on his grizzly head as the lad reached the ground, and while the boy was oljeying his master's orders, with the aid of a pitch- fork, Peter drew back the brown-holland curtain of another long slip of a window further on, and threw a general light upon the scene. It wasn't so bad as it seemed, and barring a certain smell, more resembling that of a chemist's shop than a stable, there was nothing remarkable about it. It contained three stalls, two of which were occupied by liorses, tlie other with fodder, while a goodish hat with a new cockade hung conspicuously against the back wall. "Humph I" mused ^Ir. Bunting, eyeing the whole, and think- ing perhaps, Peter might not be so great a ruffian when properly dressed to attend on his master. He certainly did not look well then. It was now that great master of arts' turn to operate, and PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 2Qn liitchiQfj up his baggy shorts, aiul giving his tell-tale nose a rub across the back of his hand, he fixed his evil eye upon our watch- ful friend, and proceeded to make a mental estimate of his character. Peter thought Bunting looked soft, but he might be liard for all that, and it behoved Peter to be circumspect. " "Well now," said he nodding towards the horses, "there be the nags. In all humane probability you'll know the cause o' their bein' in this 'ere unfortunate perdicament," scanning Bunting attentively as he spoke. " Why yes, your master has had an accident, hasn't he ? " usked Bunting, remembering the terms of the advertisement. " Bad accident, had accident, ^rcrr//," replied Peter, shaking his head. " No fault o' the 'esses though, I must say that," continued he, vindicating the character of his (piadruped. " I measured the bruck, and there was near nine yards o' water, with a werry rotten takin' oflP — in foct, one that none but Matt.* Mytton and my master would ever have thought o' ridin' at, but these 'ere yong gents will be fust or nowhere, and indeed I werry much fears that it may put him nowhere," Peter applying the corner of a very dirty old red cotton kerchief to his roguish eye as he spoke. " Then he wants to lend them for a time in cousequence of the fall ? " asked Mr. Bunting. " He wants to lend them for a time in consequence of the fall," repeated Peter, delighted to see that Bunting was swallowing the bait — " the Avertisement," said he, pulling a I'mics supplement out of his pocket, " says for a month or six weeks, but, 'atwixt you and I," continued he, nudging ]\Ir. Bunting confidentially, with his elbow, " I da'say whoever gets them may keep them to the end o' the season." "What, he's much hurt, is he ?" asked Mr. Bunting consolingly. " Oh, despert, despert," replied Peter, with a frown, and an ominous shake of his head — "spine, I should say — spine," putting his right hand on his own back — " doctor says ' No,' but I says ' Yes,' and I werry much fear I shall be right," Peter applying the dirty ball of kerchief again to his blear eye as he si^oke. It was now clear that Mr. Bunting was going to bite, so as soon as his feelings could be [properly com]iosed, Peter restored the kerchief to his pocket, and turning to the boy said, with an air of authority, " Strip that 'oss." Forthwith the young vagabond, rushing up to the horse's side, seized the straps with his teeth, and undoing the buckles, very soon had sheet, and blankets, and roller, and hood sweeping over his quarters and down his bang tail. " There ! there ! " exclaimed Peter, extending liis right arm in * " Jack " \vc suppose the worthy meant. ms / ■ /. . I / .V M /.' i;i .\<; I. /•; r s ■/ an attitude of atliniratioii. *• iliat is the lltx<|iiisii(', llie Iicsi oi' iIh> two. lor I «lisilaiiis the dcaU-rs' liartili/. o' sliowinir an inlVrim- lianinial fiisl." 'I'lit' l-A>|uisit(' crrtainly was a Ix-aiitil'iil ;miiiiaL a Iiay. or ratlicr sonu'tliini:' littweiMi a l>ay and a mowsL' colour, tlic liorsc liaviuj^^ l)een clipped or shaved. 'j:ivinu,' it that [jood firm condition those operations impart, lie had a small well set on head, a ju^ood intclliirent eye. leni^thy shoulders and fpiarters, with lar^c clean nuiscular leirs. Altoucther a very superior lookini:- animal. *' (nt hup to "ini, Sir ! (io hup to 'im," said Peter encouraj;inj;ly, and yiv. Buntinir, albeit not very fond of strangfc liorses, went sneakini: up the stall to where the boy now had hold of the lv\(piisit(' by the head. '* Quiet as a lamb 1 — Quiet as a lamb ! Child mi[;ht ride 'im I " continued Peter, as the horse lietran snuftiinu; and sinellin<,' at our friend. " Sixteen 'ands zactly," said Peter, as Ikintinu' be,i;au chinnini: him — " sixteen 'ands zactly — he's the'oss to carry a man out o' tile dirt, and make the fences look small. I'm dashed if there's any thini: too biii' to stop 'im — anythinu- in reason and moderation at least. In cos, if u'cnts will i-ide at n a viuable rivers or harms o' the sea, they will get into grief, whatever they're on ; but for a man as treats an 'oss as an 'oss, and not as a liengine. that is the one that can give satisfaction. There I throw the rug over 'im. ])oy, and strip Ilowen llashford." now continued Peter. shifting his position to the back of the next stall. " Oh, thank you," replied "Slv. linnting, coming gingerly out from beside the' Exquisite, '' I won't trouble you to do that, I dare say I can see all I want as he stands." "Well, Sir, wot you please, Sir," replied Peter, rather chop- fallen, fearing Bunting was going to back out, " only 1 shouldn't be a doin' o' my master justice if I didn't offer to show 'im. Better strip 'im," continued hecoaxingly — "better strip 'im. No trouble. Come, boy, look sharp I strij) 'im at once I " !^^atthew Andrew then at the clothing with his teeth as before. and very soon had Owen Ashford in his " when unadorned, adorned the most" state. Notwithstanding Peter's assertion to the contrary, Owen was the handsomer horse of the two ; a beautiful dapple grey, with an arch neck, and a splendidly set on tail. If it hadn't been that he was to l)e lent, there might jjerhaps have been a slight imputation of ginger, hunting conned him (juietly over, not caring to contra- dict the groom as to the relative merits of the two, and thinking how well he would look upon either. At length Bunting spoke — " "Well, they are two very nice horses," said he. " They are two weny nice 'osses," replied Peter. " No nuui need wish for no better. Put the clothing on, boy," continued Peter, addressing the lad. PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 20't Buntinp; then drew l)ack a pace or two, and contemplated them from l)e.side the cockaded hat. " And they are to be lent," said he, after a pause. " To be lent," repeated Peter, slowly and deliberately, feeling- that they were drawing np to the critical point. " To be lent, that is to say," continued he scrutinising Bunting, " lent to a gent as is not over heavy, and will ride them fairly and well." " I dare say I can do that," observed j\Ir. Bunting — who had a pretty good opinion of his horsemanship. " Well I don't know but you can," replied Peter, diving his hands into his greasy breeches pockets — " as well as any as has been to look at 'em yet, I dare say." " "What, yon've had some other parties after them, have you ? " asked IMr. Bunting. "I believe I Jiave,"" replied Peter, winkiug his eye at our friend — " Chaps of all sorts and sizes — great, bulky, barge-like fellers, and little bits of bodies tliat could 'ardly 'old a cat together. There was a Mr. Percival Dobbin, from Ball's Pond, or some such queer place 'ere, not 'alf an hour afore you came, who looked more like the mark nor any on 'em, but I should say he's a good stun 'eavier nor yon, and altogether, he wasn't quite a man to my mind." This information rather quickened the pulse of Mr. Bunting's aspirations. He wouldn't like to let Dobbin have the horses. " Then you and he didn't deal ? " asked he. "We didn't deal, and we didn't not deal," replied Peter, with a chuck of the chin. " I told him I should give him an answer the day arter tomorrow." '' Well, but have you power to make the arrangement with- out referring to your master ? " asked Mr. Bunting, thinking that " quick " was the word. "Power! to be sure I 'ave the power," smiled Peter, " I've lived man and boy these forty years in the famly, and if I ha'n't power to make an arrangement, I don't know who 'as." This rather threw a light on the matter. Peter was evidently sin old family servant, hence his one eye and disregard of appear- ances. Perhaps his young master had put his eye out. " Then the horses are ready to start at any time ? " asked Mr. Bunting. " Any time, any time," replied Peter, " arter we get 'greed ; to- moiTOW morning, if you like." " Well, I don't know why we shouldn't agree," observed Mr. Bunting, half to himself and half to the man. " Nor I," assented Petei', carelessly, adding, " if you give me a reverence, I makes no doubt I shall find all right." "Well, my name is Bunting — Mr. John JJunting ; I am a member of the Polyanthus Club, and of the Tearaway hunt," pre- •J 10 /'/. i/.v M/; i:i \<; i.irrs f (liuMnj; a runl of his Club as lu- sjink^', mid hamliii^' it lo IVtcr, wild nM-fivi'tl and puckt'ted it in sik'iifc '• TluMi you'll do iiotiuuu' with l)oI)hiii till yoii sl-c mr au;ain ?" observi'd Sir. Uiintiii!^, sicllin;; to and fro, with his hands in his j>c;;top trowsor po.-kets. *' Nothin' with Dohiiin till I sec you a;4ain,"' ass'iii'd IV'tt'i-, nildini; to Matthew Andrew. *• Liuht the .sjfas, hoy ! " Mr. Himtini; liavinij then taken his tiny nniltrella IVoni the top of the corn-bin, next beiiau sucking its ivory knob, thinkinj^ if there was anything: else lie could do. He thought not. Yet stay, give the fellow a sovereign, and that will keep matters straight, so saying he dipped his forefinger and thumb into his waistcoat l>ocket. and fishing up a sovereign, ibuud Craidcey's hand attracted to liis on the instant. It jinked into his jiocket just as the boy lit the jet of the gas, and IVter then unlocking tlic door, bowed Mr. Bunting out, hoping to have the [)le.isure of seeing him tho next dav. CHAPTEll XXXIX. AX Ef^i'iTAiJLE ai{raxgi:mi:nt. — JOIIX (ItOP. It is a remarkable fact thatAvc never met any one yet who liked to be laughed at, and though tlie gathering irloom of a wintry day was fast shrouding the passenger from observation, our friend Mr. liunting on leaving Captain Cavendish Chichester's stables, bolted out at the other end of the ]\Icws, in order to avoid the invidious gaze of the aprons by the way that he came. The exit end gained, a short street to the right led him back to the cheerful regions of Rochester Square, on the reverse side to that on which he before entered. Day was now abouc done, oil and gas were usurping the jdace of the mist-obscured sun, and careful servants were shutting the shutters, while the me-a-u of the milk- maid, and call of the crumpet-man began to awaken the areas. It is a good tiling for a mind-perplexed man to get away from the scene of contention, and Rochester Square formed a healthy and agreeable contrast to the fetid smells of Sligo ]Mews. Mr. Bunting was now enal^led to take a calm and dispassionate view of the matter. Here was an offer that seemed almost like a god-send to aid his endeavours with his incomjiarable charmer. True, the groom was not ^■ery good, but the horses were magnifi- cent, and looking at such animals made him more sensible of the iini>erfections of his own. He thought lie oughtn't to miss sucli a chance, and yet he didn't exactly see how he could manage it. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 211 Pour horses uould be of no use to him with his mild style of ridino', besides which he wouldn't like to i^o about with a man with one eye. The slang cry of " There you go with your eye out ! " occurred to his recollection. He would like to dispense with Crankey if he could. The ([uestion was how to manage it. At length a thought struck him. If I could get Captain Cavendish Chichester to exchange horses for a time, it might answer both Dur purposes ; I should get my riding, and he would get his horses kept in wind, and condition, and the eatagc of the one could be set off against the eatage of the other. " Dash it ! if i don't think that wiU do," said lie, delighted at his cleverness, and liking the proposition the more he thought of it. He took a rapid turn round the entire Square, and having conned the point well, decided it would do; at all events that he would make the proposal. " And why not at once ? " asked he. " Why not, indeed ? " was the answer he gave himself. That point settled, he riglit-about- faced, and again made for the little street by which he had re- entered the Square, and was speedily back in the gloom of Sligo ]Mews. Faint glow-worm-like candles flickered here and there, varied by an occasional stable-lantern, or the red fire of the itinerant pie or roast-chestnut man. Having taken his bearings pretty accurately, our friend came upon 51a, just as Peter, having seen the four o'clock stable-ceremonies performed, was retiring for the evening. " Hillo ! " exclaimed Bunting, as the key turned in the lock, and the retrograding groom nearly trod on his toes — " Hillo ! " repeated he, " is that you ? " " It's me," replied Peter, turning the lantern upon Bunting, to be sure of his man. " Oh, Mr. Banting, I see," continued he, for people generally mangle a name if they can. " The same," replied ^Iv. Bunting, pocketing the injury. " It has just occurred to me," continued he, " that the Captain and I could make an arrangement that would be mutually beneficial." " Well, Sir," said Peter, wondering what it was. " You see I ha^■e a couple of very neat horses, but not quite the perfect hunters I should like to take into the country I'm going to, where there are bullfinches that require big horses to take in their stride, and also a good deal of water-jumping, so that alto- gether I want to be rather extra well done by, and it occurred to me that it might suit Captain Chichester if we were just to change liorses for the time, and let the servants remain as they are — you taking my hoi'ses, and my groom taking yours, l)y which means you could remain (piietly with your family in London." Now mark the amiable benevolence that attends these London horse-dealing transactions ! A groom in the country would have looked as black as thunder, and growled, " No, I'm blowed if I do iinything of the sort — I'll not part company with my 'esses not for 212 /'/. I/.V <»/; i;i \(: i.irrsr \\o iiiiin I " but I'ftiT (^'iiiikcy ciiiiic i|uilc |iK';iH!iiitly into tlio thiiiir, and only soiMui'd anxious ubout the nifrits of the aiiiiualH hr. was to have in i-xcluniiro. He was quite " '»>reeal)le, only he wouldn't like to look arter no rulibisin' eat-lej^j^ed heguars that wouM do him no credit, hut if the 'osses were as ^Ir. Buntin}:; described, and the reverence Mr. lluntinif had triven was good, he didn't see why the 'raniLroinent shouldn't be made.'' "Well done I '' tlioujj^ht y\v. Buntinj;-, chuckling at Ids own acutciiess, and ihinkiuu' what a swell he would be on Owen Ashford. It was then ai-ranged that IVler Crankcy should visit ^Ir. liunting's stable in Haycock Mews, ^lay Fair, on the morrow, anil if matters were approved of, that the exchange sbould take place the day after. And Mr. Hunting went away extremely well ])leased with bis bargain, and chuckling at the idea of having disappointed i\Ir. Percival Dobbin. A real London gi'oom is a gentleman of great pretension and powers of indolence. He can make less work serve him than almost any other description of servant. They are like the men of a hunting establishment without the exercise — they can dress and they can ride, — at least sit a horse in a walk ; but as to dressing the horse or caring about bim after they get off bim, that is no ])art of their business — there are otber people paid for doing that. So, as the huntsman comes shamljiing into the yard for bis borso in the moi'ning and rctui'ns him to the place from whence he came in the evening, do these natty elbow-S([uaring, neat neckcloth- tying grooms expect to be presented witb their animals. Tiio groom who does least is considered to be the greatest num. Between men of this description and tbe humble-minded in- dividual who advertises bis general willingness, there is indeed a great gulf. One is the show, tbe other the working partner in the great firm of Horse, Hound, and ]\Ian. Sometimes indeed tbe willing man includes matters not exactly within the scope of his jurisdiction, as, for instance, " groom and gardener, can wait well at table ; " or, more humble still, "gardener and groom, who can milk and butcher if required." Considering the number of works we have on the choice and management of horses, we wonder no master has ever favoured the public witli a treatise on the choice and management of grooms, a subject of quite as much im- portance, seeing that the horse is of very little value without an efficient attendant. There are few but whose experience would supply a few wrinkles. Mr. Bunting's groom, .John Croj), was a perfect model of the do-nothing order. Accustomed to the light, trim, drawing-room - like stables of the metropolis and great watering-places, he had an idea that there were helpers and men to do all the dirty work fcr the smart grooms in the country. He could cock his hat and PLAIN on RINGLETS? 213 button his coat and arrange his belt, and make his boots and breeches approximate becomingly ; but as to anything useful, that was quite out of the question. He cleaned his own clothes and kept himself trim and smart to ride after liis master, and what more could a good-looking, fresh-complexioned young fellow, be expected to do. When Peter Crankey's emissary (for he did not go himself) arrived at Benson's livery and bait stables in Haycock Mews, May Fair, to inspect our hero's horses, Crop was waiting for orders at jMr. Bunting's lodgings in Clarges Street ; but the production of ]\rr. Bunting's card enabled the party to see the horses, squeeze their wind-pipes, punch their ribs, and otherwise examine them under the auspices of the helper. That done, the man turned on his heel and walked deliberately out of the Mews without note or comment, followed by the usual ejaculation of " Ah, you're a gemman, you are," from his late assistant. But if the man was remiss, the master was prompt ; for when ]Mr. Bunting arrived at the Polyanthus Club, the porter on handing him his letters announced that a party had been there to say he could have Captain — Cajitain — Captain somebody's horse. "Captain Cavendish Chichester's," interposed Mr. Bunting. " That's the name, sir," replied the porter ; whereupon oui hero went bounding up stairs into the morning room, looking as happy as R — d — 1 P — Ini — r when he has thrown his client's case away. His various notes, letters, cards, &c., hurriedly coimed, he got into a Hansom cab and went rolling away to Rochester Square, there to bind the bargain. What a good thing it was, he thought as he galloped along, that he had given the fellow a so\-ereign. How foolish that finely-named Mr. J^obbin would look when he came, expecting to show off on the gray. And our hero thought if Owen Ashford and he did not captivate Miss Rosa, nothing would. Arrived at Sligo Mews, he presently thought the money might have been better bestowed ; for Peter on appearing had evidently been basking in the sunshine of the gin-palace, and had dimmed his evil eye considerably. Still, as a man who is never exactly sober is never quite drunk, his indulgence had only the etlect of engendering familiarity, causing him to receive our dandified friend with extended hand instead of giving him the cap or hat rap of servitude. Somehow or other, too, Peter had shaved off or forgotten his moustache. " Ah, Captain !" exclaimed he, grasping oui- hero's hand severely as he turned, or rather bundled, him into the stable ; " Ah, Captain ! you've got the two besht (hiccup) oshes that ever (hiccup) man laid (hiccup) leg over (lurch), don't care where the two next (hiccup) besht are. Now when shall we sliwop? When shall we shwop ? " continued he, diving his hands into his dirty •ju PI. I / \ (>i: i:i \i: i.irrs? lnviH'hes pockets :iiul m:ikin,>r a riil>biiiuf-po8t of om- friend iis lie sjioke. *' Well, diivctly." replied Mr. liuiitiiiL', \visliiii/-rectly ish the \vi»rd I " Iiiccnited Peter, nuduiim- lluntinu'- with his elbow. "That's to say, lo-niorrow niorninu-," (lualificd 'Slv. JJiintinu", thinking; Peter was in no eouditiou to deliver. '* ^lorrow mornin ish the word," responded Peter; "morrow niornin ish the (hiccup) word, Equinocshal Gale, Eshcwavc Road." " No, no, the (Jolconda Station — the (iolconda Station," frowned 'Mv. l^untinu". "* Mnsht stop at the Xocshal (Jale," rejoined Peter, eyeiiiu" Bunting reproachfully. " Xo, no, take it as yon come back — take it as you come back — after you uet my horses done up," replied our iViend snappishly. " Well, Golconda Stashon ish the word — Golconda Stashon ish the word," muttered Peter, adding, '• What time ? " "Eleven thirty," replied ^Mr^ Bunting, sternly; "but the hoi'ses should be there before that to load — say eleven punctually." " Eleven punc ish the word — eleven puuc ish the word," assented Peter, drawing his dirty hands out of his greasy-topped pockets, adding, " You'll get my oslies there, and I'll get your oshes ere. Xo, I'll get your oshes where ? " " "Well, at my stable," replied ^Ir. Bunting. " X'o — 'spose you bring 'em ere, gov'nor," rejoined Peter, aft:er a pause, lurchiug as he spoke, and fixing his evil eye steadily on our friend. " Well, I have no objection to that," a.ssented our hero. " You bring your oshes ere, and I'll a\"c mine ready to schange," said Peter, looking especially wise. "Very good, very good," replied ]\Ir. Bunting, thinking they would be better without the monster. "Shaddles, bridles, rollers, rugs, everything," enumerated the man. " Yes, and I get yours in exchange," observed ^Ir. Bunting. " In courshe — in courshe," assented Peter, " Then say at ten thirty in the morning — ten thirty in the morning punctually," rejoined our hero. " Ten thirty punc ish the word," added Peter, keeping his eye steadily on Mr. Bunting's hand, to see if it revisited his waistcoat pocket. But oui- friend had had enough of that game, and now beat a retreat without further beneficence. FLATN OR L'INGLETSr 215 CHAPTER XL. THE GOLCONDA STATION OF THE (JUEAT GAMMON AND SPINACH KAILWAY. (^ROP received the intelligence of his master's change of liorsas with the same inditiiereuce as he would hear that Bartley liad sent a pair of new boots home and wanted the old ones to mend. "What he rode was nothing to him, so long as his master was pleased, provided, of course, his mount did not disfigure him. He felt more the severance from pretty Betsy Jane, the barmaid of the Coach and Horses hard by, but by sudden wrench, believ- ing not that '• Hearts could thus be torn away," he looked confidently forward to a renewal of their interestiug intimacy. Meanwhile he presented lier with an eighteen-peuny workbox, with a picture of Roseberry Rocks on the lid, and a handsome coloured photograph of himself in a claret-coloured case. Having then communicated his marching orders to the helpers in the yord, so that they might get his horses ready for him, ho next began hissing and packing up his own things, in order to send them along with Mr. Bunting's. Of course he took both first and second class clothes, relays of boots, and everything becoming, little doubting that Burton St. Leger Tras a place of size and importance. Betsy Jane, indeed, had her misgivings on that point, and much feared he might fall into the hands of the designing. Even in his undress travelling clothes, with the rose- tinted tops obscured with caps, she thought she had never seen any one so natty and handsome. AVhat a happy woman she would be if she could have a bar of her own under the title of Mrs. Crop. 80 Crop and she went to the Alhambra Circus together that evening, and after a soothing glass of rum and milk in the morning, he tore himself away from her auburn ringlets. He tiien repaired to the Mews, where he found his nuister waiting to receive him. The bill was paid, the horses were ({uickly turned out, everything becoming, and Crop received the hist comj)liinci)t of the yard in the shape of a leg up, while another helper handed him his led horse, and, after the usual bumpings and jerkings, he got settled into Ins saddle, and with jiarting adieus ])ut his liorses in motion, and presently passed ott'the pavement of the Mews on to the McAdam of May Fair. They were nice looking horses as they now stepped freely along; l'k; i'L.iix (>i: i:i sc i.KTs f oiu' a Itay — calK'il tlir Hard, on wliirh Mr. Itiiiitin;,' is (li'|>ii;tf(I nuvoriui^j ovor tlio Downs to the Pic .\ic ; ilio other a brown, railed tlie Kitten, of nincli the same lut and calilnv. Horses, servant, saddles, clothinu;, were altoj,'ether a very creditable tnrn ont. So thonjrht Mr. Huntinj;, as Crop now af,filly Booth, the knife-grinder, cea.sed his discordant noise and grinned extensively ; ilrs. Codling, the greengrocer, offered Crop a bushel of apples for his bargain : Jessey Ford :md Lucy Grove, the jobbing milliners and dress-makers, clapped their hands and exclaimed, " Those'U be the swells we saw ! — those'll be the swells we saw ! " While Tomkins, the badgelcss cabman, hallood out, " I say, sur ! is your gov'nor fond o" valking?" Ci'op jerked his head, and tried to look unconcerned, putting it all down to their low back-W(»odsman-like ignorance. They knew nothing of May Fair. ^leanwhile ^\r. JJuuting having seen the. exchange effected, regained his cab and drove off to the station to oi'der the hor,se-box. P L A IN () R i: I N(iL E TS ; 217 The Golconda Station of the Great Gammon and Spinach llailway, as the reader— at all events the shareholders are well aware — was built, as George Robins used to say, "regardless of expense," the architect liaving apparently taken his idea of the edifice from some scene in the Arabian Nights entertainment. MH. M'NTINfi AT TIIIC CREAT ( :< JI,(i )N DA SIATION. Hence, the splendid dividt^nd of two-pence-halfpcnny a share, so complacently announced by the chairman, as shown in the picture <»f "The liailway Meeting" in that inimitable work, the "Manners and (Customs of the English." If ])Oor (Jcorge Stephenson had ventured to shadow forth such a gigantic structure in the cai'ly days of railways, he would have been "pooh- •J IS I'l.Aix (>i; /;/.V(//.y;7'N.' pooliM." and ittjuesti'd nti( in niakf a ftx)! o\' liiinsi'lf; k(» vast it* its s|>;uv, and intcrnunaMo its limits. No need of mirrors or artificial means to mai,Miify or roproluce its dimensions. It is startiini; as it stands. Sinro, liowoviT, the dividends, oriirinally pitolu'd at two luindred and lifty per cent., have dwindled down to t wo-|K'iuv-hall"-p.'nny, (he direetors have heen endeavourinj; t(v reelify their (>ri,u;inal error hy ciu'tailins]^ the workinjj; estahlish- nient, and instead of havini; two men — one to help the other to ih> nothini;, as formerly they hud — they put the woi-k ol" two men npon one : so that unless a traveller looks a little to himself, he stands a chance of beini;' only inditVerently served. If the majority of railways had been constructed with anythiuij; like ordinary prudence and economy, they would have been sources of wealth to the shareholders, and the public miuht have tra- velled for half what they now do. As it was, it was believed that their resources were boundless, and every species of folly and extravagance was indulged in. That, however, by way of ])arenthesis. AVhen Mr. Bunting arrived at the Oreat (Jolconda Station, expecting to have a horse-l)ox supplied as quickly as he would u shilling's worth of heads at a club, he found there was a good deal of holloaing and shouting, and shifting of work from one person to another. There is nothing so unbusiness-like as a great deal nf noise. At length the little caravan was got up to the tramway, the ciimpartment let down, and tiie willing horses were punched into the box like bullock^. Up then went the side, and nothing' farther was seen of Owen Ashford but his eye. Tickets were taken, cabs and carriages began to roll into the yard, and presently the engine came hissing down irom its house. ^leanwhile Mr. Bunting j)rocecded to give his parting directions to the groom — fearing before to trust him with two sets at a time. The oidy dirticulty he anticipated was that of the man-boy finding his way from the Curleyford Station, where he had to stop, to Burton St. Leger ; to obviate which ill'. Bunting had taken a tracing otf the county map on to a piece of foreign letter paper, which he now presented to Crop, pointing out to him what to hit, miss, or avoid, in a very blind-leading-the-Vdind sort of way. "You'll have no difficulty," said he, "you'll have no difficulty," repeated he, foldiuLi' the ]iaper, after mystifyini: himself and giving it to Crop, who forthwith transferred it to his hat along with his kerchief and a slice of bread and cheese. Just then ilr. Dick Dawdler, who has the same sort of mania for seeing trains start that some gentlemen of old used to have for seeing the mails leave the Wiiite Horse Cellar or the Peacock at Islington, strolled up and claimed our hero's acquaintance, almost making him forget, in the midst of Dawdler's sage observations aljout the weather — what i^ had been, what it was going to be. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 211> what it was last year, — to tell Crop to order him apartments at the Corinvallis Hotel, and have a fly to meet him by the Express train that evening. The hell then ran^-. " Take yonr seats ! Please take your seats ! " resonnded alonj;' the platt'urm ; late comers rnshed frantically in, holloaing out " Stop ! " as though they were left behind. A hrifii/e of doors sounded from end to end. a shrill whistle followed, and away went the long train, hissing and snorting like an exasperated crocodile. The last joint of its tail having disappeared at the turn, porters again stood at case, strangers retired, and the Golconda Station sunk into a state of temporary repose. CHAPTER XLI. BURTOX ST. LEGER. BuiiTOX St. Leger was a large place, or rather a small one stretched out into a large one, just as a goldbeater hammers a small piece of the precious metal into a large circumference, or a little moth of a woman distends herself into a hay-stack with crinoline. It was a longitudinal square, bisected with gravelly cross- roads, round whose spacious green area some spirited individual had planted unhappy-looking limes, in hopes of seeing them emulate the large oaks and elms with which the town, or rather village, outskirts was surrounded. These were now made more visible in leafless winter by the spars and thorns with Avhich their stems were encased to protect them from the cattle and idle boys. The town being purely agricultural, the houses and cottages stood at respectful distances from each other ; each seeming to be what the villa agents call "self-contained," instead of huddled together, dependent on one another for support. There cannot l)erhaps be a greater contrast to the now thatched, now bluc- I'oofed, now stone-slated miscellany of houses and cottages con- stituting a real straggling country village than the long monotonous repetitions of dwellings containing a window, a num- l)ered door, and a i)eei)-hole, peculiar to a mining one. The former always look healthy and nice, while the latter too often present a, comlnnation of nuid, tawdry squalor, and unbecoming finery, jiurton St. Lcger was a real country place, where the women wore bedgowns and went to the well themseh'cs, instead of sending those wretclied children-servants the mining population so delight to employ. After the pear-tree covered parsonage, and the red brick fox- hunting farmer, Mr. Buckwheat's residence, the Lord Cornwall is •j'jo ri.Ai x <>i; /. / .V ' .' /. /; ts r Inn wsis (.kridi'dly the most iini)(»sinif-U)(>UiiiLi' Iioiisc in LIil' place, l>einj]j bow-windowetl ami Miu'-roofed, with white rail net in the stone copinir of a low wall in IVont. Here on a snmmcr's eveninu: the rural j)arlianient wonld assomhle and talk over matters qnite as important to tlu'in as tho^e that are disenssed at St. Stephen's — how Mi-s. !Manl)V mananied her hnsband ; how Luke IJrown had been out poaehinj; aii'ain ; how (!iles Siunmerbell had got forty shillin«;s for his barley, while Tom Crosier had '• nabbut uetten " thirty-eight, and other e(inally important rural and agricultural nuxtters. In the old ploughing days of posting, the Lord Corn- wallis Inn was a sleejiing house, and many great people have reposed in its old tapestried state a])artment ; but when roads began to mend, j)eople found they could run through from High- green to ^[ayfield, and the Marquisate business began to decline. First his lordship's cocked hat and wig on the sign went, then his coat, and lastly the effigy, like the marquisate itself, disappeared altogether. The name of the house, at the time of our tale, Avas only represented by a once spai'kling blue board, having on it the following inscription in somewhat lack-lustre letters : — MATTHEW MULDOOX, LICEXSED VICTUALLER. JOB AND POST .MASTER. XE.\T ■WINES, NEAT POST CHAISES, &C. "But though the name of the master ajtpeared on the sign, the Inisiness of the house was in fact entirely conducted by his wile, Mrs. Muldoon, !Matty having long retired from business and devoted himself entirely to drinking — being always to be found at the receipt of custom in the bar, with his clay pipe, ready to give or take glasses with any one. The taste for giving " glasses " among the lower orders seems to corres])ond with that of giving dinners among the higher ones, many peojjle being willing to give glasses and dinners who would be very sorry to give the other party the money the glasses or dinners would cost. The dinners we can understand, because there is the gratification of display ; but what pleasure there can be in seeing human beings reduce themselves to a level with the animal creation, by gulping down glass after glass of li(iuid fire, does seem to us to be rather incom.prehensible. Nevertheless, Matty was always at it ; never incapacitated by the quantity he had taken, but as ready to accept the hospitality of the last man as he had been of the first. Thus he had gone on year after year for many years, and though his corporation bad increased and his legs spindled, while his face had assumed a more mulberry-like hue, yet people said the drink did him " ne harm," he was " se used to it ; " and as the doctrine was a convenient one, ^Matty thought not either. So PLAIN on lilKGLETS? 221 he sotted and drank for the good of the house and the bad of himself — a practice not so common now as it was a few years since. Taking- the general range of country inns, however, we may say that the same division into which the old butler threw his master's malt liquor, and Ave tlu'ew the lawyer's, may describe the whole range of them, namely, ale, table, and lamentable. The Creorge at Melton, the Station at York, the Bedford at Brighton, and a few- others that do not immediately occur to us, are ale, but by far the greater number are only " table," and very, very many " lament- able." In fact there is no branch of our rural economy that requires more revision and amendment than the country inns ; iu fact there is no economy about tliem at all. The large comfort- able old posting-houses that existed prior to railways have all disappeared or been converted into schools or convents, or such like purposes. At one of these a man with his horses could live very comfortably during the hunting season. The landlords were generally sportsmen themselves, and also large f\irmers, so that there was a stroll over the farm at all events, if not a little shooting to occupy a non-hunting day, while the constant ex- pectation of travellers, the tinkle, iinMc, finJcJe of the ostler's bell, with the commotion consequent on the long traces, the handing up of the smoking glass to the green-veiled maid iu the rumble, with the grand aerial sweep of the landlord's hat as the quickly- changed ploughmen post-boys climbed on to their horses and whipped away with their cargoes, with the commentaries of the now ieft-behind ones on the travellers' liberality, all helped to beguile the tedium of the time. Those houses have all dis- appeared, or if any remain, are dragging out miserable existences, with weak worn-out establishments, women waiters, and either antediluvian ostlers or ignorant hobbledehoys, fresh at each (juarter, who hardly know how to put on a bridle, and who, after staring at a stranger on horseback, ask him if he wants him "put oop." Then to see them whip off the saddle, let the horse be ever so hot, and dash in the corn as quick as they can get it — giving him what they call "a lick and a promise," instead of cleaning him — all irritate the man who knows how a horse should 1)0 attended to. And here we may observe that ostlers are generally either very quick clever men, or very slow useless ones ; Ave seldom meet a medium man in the situation of ostler, though Ave meet Avith a great many brandy-nosed bad ones. Some of the good ones are marvellously active in their habits. Jn the old coaching days we knew a man Avho looked after twenty-five coach- horses and liarness, Avith the aid of only one helper, and did the general stable business of the house into the bargain. But then lie Avas a man who was alwiiys at Avork, ncA'cr lounging at street corners or popping into the inn-bar to see what o'clock it was. •j:.: I 'I. a is (H: i:i m; i.irrs f 'Pliinl-ratc country iiiiis in llimlaiid are doploralile places. I\con iiuist Ix' the Hritisli s|uirtsnuin, or desperately in luve the man who can stay lonj; at ime of these ij;ristly, tou^h mutton houses fur the ]>urposc of huntinir or courtinir, or even tor a comliination of both. There is no resemblance to civilisation in anythinji- about them, save the bill, that is i^encraliy a famous one. Six sliilliuLrs u bottle, or ratlier three-quarters of a bottle, of the earthiest slurry ; eiirht shillinjrs a bushel for oats ; and servants keep, out of all fomjnvhension. A master should always ]tut his servant on extra board-wajxes before i;"ing to an inn, or he will pay double for what the man would himself s^ct for one-half. Considering that the rule is lor the groom to have a bed for nothing where there are liorses. very little extra should do it, seeing that an innkeeper can victual a party of servants at two shillings a day each, or three shillings a day where there is only one. Of course there are some innkeepers who will exclaim on reading this, "it can't be done, some one has written this who knows notiiing of the requirements of gentlemen's servants ; " but we beg to say that we had the information from one of themselves, therefore it may lie taken to be true. If they cannot board grooms for a guinea a week, how, let us ask, does it hap^x^n that a farm-hind will board a stout ploughman for six shillings a week, and make money by it too ? It is no advantage to a master to have his servant eating veal- cutlets or kimb's fry for breakfast ; he wants him fed like his horses for useful work, and the man would not order such dainties if he was paying for himself : he would have his money's worth of good wholesome food, and if the innkeeper would not supply him at reasonable jjrices, he would soon find plenty of people ai)out who would. The groom would thus pocke: something a week for himself, and the master would also save by the arrangement, for if he gives the groom his head he Avill soon eat him a couple of pounds a week at innkeepers' prices. Horses, too, are terribly overcharged at inns, which prevents sportsmen going to them if they can by any possibility avoid it. "We have before us two bills, one for three horses for a week at a country inn, amounting to 4/. 12.S-. 'dd., exclusive of the expectations of the ostler ; the other for the cost of two horses standing ten weeks in a private stable, amounting to 5/. 14s. Sd. A gentleman of our acquaintance, being presented with his stable-bill on the morning of his departure from an inn, intending to hunt his way home, was surprised to find that his horses had eaten four bushels of oats a week each, exclusive of hay, bran, beans, and other ef ceferas, making the bill up to about double what he expected, I'd/. Is. (W/., whereupon he had a long conference with the Boniface, wlio at length generously agreed to take off the odd eighteen-pence ; whereupon our sportsman ijroceeded to the meet, and had the satisfaction of hearing that the hounds had found their fox PLAIN Oli EINGLETS? 223 immediately and ,Li'oue right away, nobody knew where. So he naxed his eighteen-pence and lost his hunt. Still sportsmen like touring, and would tour very considerably if they could only get moderately housed at anything like reason- able rates ; but the present system is almost a bar to locomotion. It is not that sportsmen object to paying inn bills where the accommodation is good, but that they object to pay the price of good accommodation for very bad. Nevertheless we must iiring our friend Mr. Bunting down from the elegancies of the Polyanthus Club to take his chance at the Marquis of Cornwallis Hotel and Posting-house at Burton St. Leger. But first we must get his stud there. CHAPTER XLII. THE LOUD CORXWALLIS IXX. It was a dull winter's day, with a cold rain beating right into the pit of his stomach, that a coat-col lar-turned-up groom was seen working a couple of tuck-tailed horses round Barnfather's Corner, asking his way to Burton St. Leger. This was our friend Mr. Crop, who, after a variety of perils by rail and by road, had at lengtli advanced thus far into the bowels of the land, wondering when his journey would end, when his (question, " How far is it to Burton St. Leger ? " caused Morrison, the foot Post-messenger, to whom it was addressed, to pause and stare with astonishment at the idea of anybody not knowing Burton St. Leger. " How far ! " exclaimed he, eyeing Crop with incredulous suspicion — " how far ! Why t/i/'s be it, to be sure ! " ' " Oh, this is it, is it ? " replied our Cockney friend, half-glad at the termination of his journey — half-shocked at the desolate appearance of the place, no flags, no gas, no cabs, no 'bus, no nothing ; only a large green with a flock of geese on a pond in the centre. " Then please where be the Markis Cornwallis Inn 'f " asked Crop, eyeing the scattered assortment of houses and cottages in the vista. " The Cornwallis Inn be the great white house on tlie right there," replied Morrison, jxiinting towards it ; "there," continued he, " whoi'o the man has just come out froni under the entry." " 'J'hank ye," replied Cro]), getting his horses in motion again and tr(»tting up to the indicated cpiartei". There stood a man in an old badger-skin cap, with a cadaverous countenance and desperately sore eyes, whose dirty fustian clothes •jjj ri.Ais (U; i:i\(!Li:rsf iniuHu lu' imjM'ovoil, Imt roiild not possihly be spitiicd, by the rain, of which imk'L'd he seenieil (|tiite votj^ardiess, as wilh his hands in liis tattered trowser-jtockets he <;a/,ed, lirst uj) tlie slivet and then ddwn. in the usual style of utter vacuity. Seeing- horses appruach- iuj;. he thon,i,dit t'.ie rider niiu^ht stop for a jrhiss, in wlu'ch case he \v-..uld perhaps Lijet soniethinu: for holdiuir tlieni ; so as their loundiiii; heads sliowed which way they were coming, he stepped a little aside, to j^ive them the shelter of the entry. But Crop l):issed under the arch into the narrow stable-yard beyond, the clatter of the horses' feet on the pavement disturbing ilr. Muldoon over his glass, and bringing the man of the fustians up the yard to see what was wanted. This '.vas the ostler, Sore-eyed )Sam as he was familiarly called, a wonderful fellow for shuffling oti" work and making excuses, a sort of performance that a man who is good at is seldom good at anything else. " Where's the bell I where's the ostler's bell I " exclaimed Crop, looking wistfully rouud at the wretched, unspouted, red-tiled buildings, so unlilvc Avhat he had left in the morning. "■ I be the ostler, I be the ostler," replied 8am, shuffling up to Crojj's knee, adding, " AVliat may you please to want ? " '• Horses put up to be sure," replied Crop, wondering at anybody asking such a (juestion. " Put up," repeated Sam, scratching his uncombed head ; "put up — whoy be ye goiii to stop here ? " " Why, yes — till my master comes at all events," replied Crop, muttering " I don't think we'll stop long after that." The wretched creature then rubbed his red eyelids, thinking how he could liest shuffle through the matter. He was not ]n-ej)ared for anything of the sort — he had a cow and a donkey in the two- stall stable, a Crosskill roller, a sow and pigs, and half a ton of hay in the three-stall one, and the old mare occupied as much of the long stable as was water-tight. " If you'd ha' com'd yesterday," said Sam, staring, " I could ha' done for you nicely." " Well,' but I've come to-day, so stir yourself and get things ready, for my master will he here in no time," replied Crop, alighting from the now dejected-looking Owen Ashford, and jumping and shaking the wet out of his clothes as he spoke. " I'm sure I don't know what to do," continued Sam, looking quite bewildered. •' Well, you get the esses under cover, and don't stand staring- there like a stuck pig," rejoined Crop, thinking what a contrast the wretch was to ^Ir. le ileasurer, the orthodox head of the Haycock ^lews, ^lay Fair. " What have you here ? " continued Crop, advancing and opening the door of the two-stall stable — " a cow and a donkey ! " exclaimed he, adding, " turn them out and put my osses in ere." PLAIN on RINGLETS? 225 "Well, but where can I put the cow and the ass ? " asked Sam. "Put them where you please," replied Crop, entering and turning- them out himself. He then led Owen Ashford in, and the Exquisite followed of his own accord. It was a sad, dirty IN rnK vKV.v. ijsr. cob-wehby place, but anything was better than the door on such a day as this. So Crop got them into their stalls, and fastened them up by tlu; heads. " Now where's the man of the house — the Markis of ('ornwallis — to be found ? " in(iuired he, retui'ning to the door and dashing the wet frtnn liis hat on to the ground. " The man o' the house is a woman," replied Sam, grinning at his own wit. (I 2 L'fi 7^ /, .1 / .V <> i: i: I .V I ; l /■; v.s .-' *' What, a ^laivliidiuss is it 'r " rejoined Crop, cinially sharp. *' Yon i-au call lier what you hkc," replied Sam," 1 ealls her the ^lissiis." '• Well, let's have a siL:lit of her." said Crop. "' V\c got ii ,<;-00(l many ordei"s to jrivo." '* There she's I " said Sam. iioddinu- (o wlieiv a lil I le riiumlaliiuit Avoman was making; darkness visible by stii'i-iii^- the lire of a l»ay- wiiulowed little back room, answerini,^ thedonitle purpose of parlour and bar. There were the " Old Tom"' and the " Old Kum " and the '* Old Oin " casks rani^ed on a shelf against the wall, and there was the old cask of a liusband sitting in a semicircular chair, with his pij'c, by the now-refreshened lire. The ^hirquis had about got to the time of day when he became " O'er all the ills of life victorious," for he had imbibed his own bottle of hrandy and several eleemosynary glasses from parties who liad looked in "(juite jn'omiscuous," as they say, to have glasses themselves. He was now on the free list with Jack Calcot the cobbler, who had ordered two shilling glasses of " hot with ; " and just as Crop opened the sash-door, the ^Marquis was endeavouring to impress u]>on Calcot the "great 'spect and 'steeni " he had for him, and how Calcot w'as welcome to the loan of his donkey any day or any hour — the !Marquis nearly melting liimself into tears, and blinking severely at the beaker of brandy as he spoke. Crop's appearance at the door rather interrupted the protestations of friendshi]), and drew all eyes to where he stood. "Rooms for a gentleman and his valet," now announced Crop from the door, in the usual style of London laconics. '• Heigh day ! " exclaimed tlie ^larcliioncss of Cornwallis, starting and Itustling up, as if touched with a reminiscence of former times. " "What was it yon said ? "' exclaimed she, hurrying up to where Crop stood with the door in his hand, surveying the cheerful scene — good fire, round table, and glasses all round. " Rooms for a gentleman and his valet," repeated Crop, adding, '•and a fly to meet him by the Express." " Fly ! " ejaculated the Marchioness — " Fly ! there's not such a thing in the place." "Well, a covered conveyance of some sort," rejoined Crop, supposing he must do the best he could nnder the circumstances. " Covered conveyance of some sort," repeated the ^larchioness, sticking her hands in her fat sides and tliinking matters over. tShe then pulled the string of the ostler's bell outside, which ])resently brought dirty-shirted Sam to the presence, to whom she communicated the stranger's behests. Sam, like a good many pftople, would rather be doing any work than his own, and after PLAIN OR RINGLETFi? 227 giving his red eyelids and saub nose an upward rub with his sleeve, he suggested that they might borrow- Dr. Catcheyside's little carriage, which he could drive, and then they might get old Tommy Lee to come into the yard to look arter the osses. This suggestion being a^^proved of, Sam was despatched on the double mission, while the Marchioness summoned her pretty maid- of-all-work, Rebecca Mary, to consult her about carrying out the domestic arrangements. Eebecca IMaiy was the belle of Burton St. Leger, a pretty smiling, blue-eyed, fair-haired maid, who, notwithstanding a host of other suitors, had to undergo the persecution of Sore-eyed Sam. No sooner did Crop see her smart little clean-aproned figure than, with the susceptibility of his master, he almost became reconciled to the discomforts of the place — this, too, in spite of auburn-ringlets and the other attrac- tions of the Coach and Horses. So he withdrew with the ladies into the kitchen, leaving Old Muldoon to reuew his protestations of "'spect and 'steem" for Mr. Calcot, and otter the loan of his donkey " any day or any hour " as before. The adjourned deliate was then resumed before the kitchen lire, away from the observations and running commentary of the drunkards. Most women have some peculiar ideas of their own about comfort ; some think half-roasting people alive is comfort, some that a fine teapot is comfort, others that a fine row of chimney-ornaments — shells, spars, and fossils — is comfort, while Mrs. Muldoon went altogether upon fine linen. If there Avere only fine sheets and pillow-cases to the bed, and a handsome toilette-cover to the dressing-table, she thought it made no matter M'hat other things were like. The fowl might be stringy, the liam hard, pale, and indigestible, the eggs limey, and the toast tongh ; but if the linen was snowy all the rest would do. So, having learnt all she could from Mr. Crop about his master's greatness and intentions, she produced the key of the beloved linen- chest to make the necessary selection, while Rebecca Mary lighted the fires, and Crop returned to his neglected horses in the sorry stable, there to see old Tommy Lee fumbling and dribbling at the dressiu":. li 2 'J28 /•/. .i/.v ('/; i;i xc Lirrs .' ClIAITKK XLIII, MK. lUNTINC AKUIVI'.S AT lUT.TOX ST. LKfJKH. -^.r\^ T was u ureat boon to the sj)©)!- •^/i intj world when railways cnahled them to follow their callings in distant countries, — the sliooter to fly down to the Highlands, the ibx-hunter to move about with his horses, taking a hunt wherever he liked, instead of the old weary live-and-twenty or thirty miles a-day trail by the road, with the rest required at the end of the journey. Then when the groom's tardy letter arrived, saying the horses were safe, and the hounds at so-and-so, there was the clear day necessary for giving him his orders, with the uncer- tainty of getting a seat by the coach, and the withdrawal from all the occupations of life fur the one pursuit, that a change of the weather might prevent. As the long looked foi* day approached, how anxiously the weather was studied, and references made to former seasons. What Avas so mortifying to a packed-up Londoner rushing out of town at night, as seeing the ominous champagne-glass-like rind on the shop windows, as he hurried along to the coach office, Hatchett's or the White Horse Cellar, say, and finding as he got off the stones the first freeziug breath of a frost spread over the road that gradually ripened into blackness as they proceeded, stopping the up-shot of the wheels as the coach rolled noisily over the hard surfiice, the guard aggra- vating his discomfiture by apparently superfluous iwang, livartf/, ficangs of the horn. Or, again, our friend having got to his journey's end, with a few hours left for a thaw between the sheets prior to dressing for hunting, to be aroused to the fact that the country was half-a-foot under snow ! No hel]) for it Init to stay on in hoi)es of a change, or undergo the toil and trouble of a return journey Now, if a sportsman is stopped by the weather ItllJISO A Bl'RSTKK. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 229 he jiisfc shoots back again, with as much ease as the sporting- cockney of old used to make the return journey from Croydon. But we are receding in our progress, and must be getting our hero down into the country. If i\Ir. Bunting had been bent solely on hunting he would have felt as many a man has felt who goes from home for that purpose, that the trouble was greater than the pleasure — that in fact there is nothing like hunting from home. The little station he stopped at, the little carriage he got into, the deep jolting cross roads he had to encounter, above all, the gloomy aspect of Burton St. Leger, and the dismal desertion of the Lord Cornwallis Inn, would have brought his sporting ardour down quickly to zero, and made him wish himself back at the Polyanthus Club. As it was, how- over, the near approach to the land of the fair lady, invested each scene with a charm, just as gallant Don (Quixote turned all his troubles and disasters into glory. The Cornwallis Inn was really xevy nice, the rooms were really very good, the tablecloth was very clean, the castors, those ex- cellent criterions of comfort, were well supplied, and if the old landlord did smoke bad tobacco, that might be easily remedied by getting him some good. Fortunately, too, Kebecca Mary had somewhat reconciled Crop to his (juarters, so there was no one to grumble but Bonville the valet, who received the usual attention that a man does who speaks broken English. A sportsman of the old school on arriving at his quarters would have repaired to the stable to see how his liorses were lodged, but that sort of thing has exploded, and the poor creatures are now left a good deal to chance and the care of the groom. Now that is all very well where a groom is a groom, but as not one in ten calling himself so. really is one, the personal inspection cannot be safely dispensed with. However, Mr. Bunting did dis- pense with it, and busied himself with bis own delectable self, and in speculating on his charmer, and the probable success of his trip. He wondered where he would meet Avith her first — he wondered how she would receive him — he wondered how Mamma would re- ceive him — he wondered how they would look. He wondered if the fat boy was still in attendance — he wondered Avhether the fat boy's father was rich — he wondered whether Privett Grove was the McDermott's own — he wondered how they got it — he won- /• /. .1 / .V n I! lUNtJ L KTS ? truthful sun rovmlod tlir i-ciil pnvcrty and (lila]>ilac('. tlic jirass irri.winu on tlu- road, almost up to tlic inn door, tlu' ghosts of trees lianntini,' the spacious i^roen, lie took conraj^i', and tlions^ht of ilic sununer irlorifs of Jtoseberry lioiks, tlic nivstoriis of nnislin and LTossannT ilresscs. Tlicn, wliii after lu'eakfast ^Mrs. Mnldoon, arraviid in a dyed -brown silk dress, came, smo(»tliinj; her bhxek satin maehinery-lacedajmm, in at the door, to hope he had "slept" well, and to ini: i:i .\(; i.irrs .' lioi'oiiU' oltsc'Uii'd willi (lull Icadfiiy cloiuls, iiutl just as ^Ir. rwmtiuji; was coiisiiliiiitr his (liiniiititivo watch to see what time it was, H siulili'ii Itash orsk'tt (hishcd across tlic window, as if sonic idK' hov had thrown a handful of peas a<::ainst i(. And when our friend went into tlie hay t(> see what it really was, such a driving" storm rohoundrd from the i^n'ound, as <;ave little hopes of amend- Juent. Here then was a ])retty jtredicament for a clul) gentleman from town, with iiothiuL,' to amuse him but the insei'ijttions on the jiaiies — the "Martha l>akers'"' and " 15etsey .Jones'" of formei* service, or the fei'vid elfusion of ]ioetical batsman. Xo books, no jiapci-s, no billiards, nothinu,- but the old paste and scissors J/ai/- firld Mrniiri/ jiaradiufj its list ol' ajzents, and " enormous ciraula- tion," with price currents, and an cle,u;ant assortment of quack doctors' advertisements. However, there was no mistake about the day — it was final and conclusive. Not the most sanguine younurton St. Leger, yet when the Duke was at home and wanted his guests w(;ll galloped, Jovey hunted the east side of his county, in return for Baxterley Woods and other covers that the Duke gave him, — that is to say, let him draw, — for the Duke, early in life, had promised his mother never to give anything away, and most rigidly adhered to his word. And now, as, we are sorry to say, the tempestuous weather that greeted our hero continued unremittingly during the whole of the lirst, and also of the following day, we will here take advantage of the opportunity of introducing Mr. Jessop with a certain peculiar appendage of his to our readers. CHAPTER XLIV. MR. .JOVEY JESSOP AXD HIS JUG. Mr. Jovey Jessop, as his name would almost indicate, was a good fellow — a thorough sportsman, and a hearty hospitable man. His fault perhaps was in being rather " too good " a fellow, a fail- ing, however, that tells against a man himself and not against his friends, and one that the world is always happy to overlook. The supply of good fellows is by no means in excess of the demand. A man has only to hoist the flag of hospitality to insure a very considerable amount of custom. So it was with Mr. Jessop. Coming into a large fortune on reaching years of indiscretion, and having undergone the depredations of the O'Dicey tribe, he presently ascertained that hunting was his forte, and took to it ac- cordingly. He began with that best of instructors, a pack of harriers, and having mastered the rudiments of scent, as much as that ])uzzling phenomenon can 1)0 mastered (for, after all is said and clone, all the learning in the world will not make a scent), he gave his harriers away and took to fox-hounds. (letting a country is now a very easy matter, the next great .social science to scent being that of getting one's sport out of other people's pockets. So Mr. dessop liad many countries olfered him, all either richly endowed with suhscrijjtions or ]iresenting great local advantages. His first was the well known Hough and Keady-shii'e, where the subscri])tions collapsed nearly one-half in collection, added to which, the few subs(;ribers who did pay con- sidered themselves entitled to have the hounds to adorn their lawns the morning after they had had two soujjs, two fishes, &c., on the table. Mr. .lessop not caring to be a servant, soon gave it u]), and finding that a nominal subscj'iption was in reality worse than -M / • /. . I / .V (u: li I -V ( .' L /•; 7'.s' ? iiuiu', ivsulwd I'l Iiuiu till' lu'xl coiiiitrv lir took at his own ox- pi'iiso, an arriiii<:;(Mnent that iravi' ^'n-at satisfaction to tlio sipiiivs of liis i>ivsi'nt one. niori' os|M'i-ially as !Mr. .lossop was a ^jooil-look- ini,' younijf hachclor who niiii^ht make a ju'inianent si'ttlcnirnt iii tlie I'onntry. lie look AppK'ton Hall, a hir^e, ranililint:^ old |)lac3, the owntT of which had raced hinisoif to the door, lca\in<; the house and all ahout it in a sad state of dila]ti(hUion. If, however, the beds were hard and the fnrnitnre scant and shabby, there was no fear of a |iowdere(l and ])ink silk stockin<:;ed footman nieetinromiscd half-crown. That paid and ]»ocketed, the man opened the door, and advanced with the " Jovey Jessop " card to his mastei* — which having presented, he withdrew. Dr, Wliitlow or Davy W^hitlow, as he is commonly called, was one of Nature's rough diamonds, who, despairing of polishing himself up into anything like civilisation, had adopted the A'Dernethy tack, and was as rough and free spoken as his great prototype. This style, of course, only does for the men, the ladies requirmg manner and feeling, while the men rather like those who PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 237 come to the point, and got through their cases quickly. So Da^y used to stare at them and question them and bully them, declaring there was nothing the matter with them, or that they had nearly got to the end of their tether, with much the same unconcern either way. Having invested the guinea of the last patient (the shilling in his baggy black and white Tweed trowsers' pocket, the sovereign in his tal)le-drawer), he was taking a slip-shod turn round the scantily furnished room with his hands in the pockets of his blue flannel dressing-gown, thinking now of his dinner, now of a proposed trip to Ham, when he was presented with the card, our friend closely following, who stood transfixed at the sight of the great bearded hairy monster, into whose hands he was now delivered. He looked more like a lion rampant than a man. Davy, seeing Jessop start, aflected surprise too, and throwing himself into attitude with the card in the palm of his extended right hand, fixed his ferrety eyes (almost concealed with hair) steadily upon him, and then exclaimed, with an ominous shake of his great shaggy head, " Ah ! I say Mr. Jovey what's your name ? If you don't mind what you're arter, you'll very soon be the laio ]\Ir. Jovey what's your name ? " 80 saying, the monster tore the card into quarters, and threw the pieces behind him. This was not very encouraging, but still did not preclude hope, so Jessop tried to laugh it off, and then endeavoured to draw Davy into a retail consideration of his case. " Come this way," said the Doctor, laying his haiiy paw upon Jessop's arm, and leading him up to the middle window, where a mark in the oil-cloth showed the place for examination. Davy scanned Jessop, and Jessop scanned Davy, and at last Davy spoke. " Ah, it is as I said, Mr. Jovey what's your name — if you don't put the muzzle on, you'll very soon be the late ^Ir. Jovey what's your name." "Well, but if" — ejaculated Jovey. " You go down stairs, and ask to see Mr. Scudder," interrupted Davy, " and if you'd like to be like Scndder, you'll go on as you'i'o doing, if not, you'll just put the muzzle on, and live till you're eighty. 80 now give me a guinea ; none of your sovereigns, but one pound one, and go," the Doctor holding one hairy paw out for the money, and ringing a little bell with the other. 80 Mr. Jessop was ejected, and not caring to inquire particularly into Mr. 8cudder's ailments, took his departure, much relieved by his visit, inwardly resolving not to emulate him in future. It was not that j\Ir. Jessop cared about wine, but he cared about company, and he presently hit upon an expedient for h;iving the latter without the inconvenience of the former. Among the steadiest customers of A])pleton ilall — one always ready to come at long or short notice, or stay on if required — was 1'; w /• /. .1 7 .V (> i: i: i .v < ; i. /•; rs ? a irontk'iniui of tlu- iianu' of IJovsinn — Mr. Thomiis Hdystdii, who hunted a liliU". hiiL diil a <,'0(>(1 deal iiKire in the ihinkin^' way. Tlie Hoystons of Huystnn. in H shire, arc a i^ood old Knirhsh taniily, tillini: a full paire of *' Hnrkc," even in the eonipresscd form in wliieh lie has now potted the C'oninionei's. l»ut lloyston /V'/v havinij left ten children behind him, when the moon came to he cut up into stars there was little left for our Sqniie but a receiver- ship. So he let IJoyston Park, and led a sort of wanderinj? life, now liailinjr in Loudon, now huntini,' where he could ijet a free pack. Our friend Mr. .lessop's beini; of that description, Mr. Hoystou had early taken up with them, and consumed as much Appleton port wine as any two of the hunt. He was (juite the reverse of Mr. Jcssop, being a dull, heavy, phlegmatic sort of man. who drank for drinking's sake, never leaving a heel tap. and jilways filling a bumper. His peculiarities consisted in talking in his sleep, and always wearing nankin trowsers, lioth summer and winter ; — expensive wear, c(jnsidering his propensity for sitting cross-legged with his glass on his knee. "* I didn't shay I wouldn't take any more wine,"' he would mutter in his sleep. — " I shaid if any other shentleman would like another bottle 1" — awakening himself to consciousness ]»y sluicing his legs with his wine. He was a short, thick, bristly, black-headed fellow, who did not seem to feel any ill effects from the drink, and it occurred to ^Ir. Jessop that liy having bim to live with him all the winter he might go on with his hospitality as before, getting Boyston to bear the brunt of the battle. So he estalilished him a bachelor bed-room, not over sumptuously furnished, with a couple of stalls for his horses, and made him perpetual vice-president of his table. And the arrangement suited .Mr. Boyston uncommonly well, for he not only got capital fare, but rose considerably in the estimation of the ladies, who requested the honour of Mr. .Jessop and Mr. Boyston's company, instead of asking Mr. Jessop alone. And the arrangements answered well in a sanatory ])oiiit of view also, for in less than a month, the then lately rising rubicund hue had been transferred from ^Ir. .Iessop"s nose to that of his guest, whose great harvest-moon face now waxed broader and redder, until it looked as if it had been put into a furnace and blown red- hot. The change was not lost on the ladies, and, one day after a dinner-party at Mr. Springfield's, during the interregnum of the di-awing-room, the abstemiousness of Mr. Jessop, and the rapacity of Mr. Boyston, came to l)e commented upon, when ilrs. Captain Cambo, who was the wit of the party, suggested that Mr. Jessoj) used Mr. Boyston as a jug to carry away the wine in he couldu'L hold himself. And Mr. Boyston's great square figure favouring the idea, it was passed round among the gentlemen when they returned, by whom it was well haa-hua-luiiveil, and pronounced PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 239 to be extremely good, and thenceforth Mr. Jesso}) and his Jug became femiliar as household words. Having now introduced parties with whom our hero will presently come in contact, let us return to him at his weather- bound quarters at Burton 8t. Leger. CHAPTER XLV. A SHOCKING BAD SADDLE. — A SHOCKING BAD HAT. The next day was as bright and cheerful as its j)redecessors ha 1 been dull and gloomy. Xature would seem to have shed her tears, dried her eyes, and put her pocket-handkerchief away. The sun shone forth with redoubled splendour ; the noisy geese went screeching and cackling and clapping their wings over the green to the water ; the emancipated pigs roved leisurely about ; the sparrows twittered on the eaves ; while the fluttering pigeons were here, there, and everywhere. It was a fortunate circumstance that the weather had changed, for the Duke of Tergiversation had fixed upon this day to exhibit the prowess of his jiack to his illustrious guest the Prince Pirouetteza. To this end all the odd horses had been put in requisition, and all tlie old yellow coats exhumed from their boxes to put upon hel]jers and straps, to swell the numl)er and importance of the retinue. (Jreat was the preparation at the Castle — Mr. Haggish alone was moody and thouglitful ; for, independently of the noise and mischief of these amateur whips, the loss of his "varra best hound" was generally the result of a show day. However, the Duke Avilled it so, and Ml'. Haggish was obliged to comply. It was with great satisfaction, after two days' confinement to the house, that our friend Mr. Bunting arrayed himself in his bunting costume— smart new scarlet, with anonymous buttons, white tops, and leathers to match. He was not one of the "fine old English gentlemen-school" of sportsmen, with their queer-cut coats, ugly drabs, and inky pig-jobber-like boots. His was the gay butterfly costume, further enlivened with a heart's-ease, embroidered blue cravat, a pink-stri])ed shirt, with carbuncle studs and a worked buff vest, all covered with foxes' heads. Having made a middliug lireakfast, he got on his spurs, and, after a satisfactory survey of himself in the mirror, with ])iiJpitating heart ■went clonk, clonk, clonking down stairs. Arrived in the yard, he gave his whip a crack to announce his ap])roach, when the stable- door flew open, and Owen Ashford's gray head protruded at the portals. •j'.o ri.Aix (>i: i;i xc i.irrsr 'VUc lirst thiiij; that struck uur Iriciid was that thi' hriillc was vcrv had. '* t)h dear, tlio hridk- was vi'iy ))ad ! " Tliat, how- t'\or. was iiiuiK'diatt'ly ci-lipsed by the saddle, which indeed passed all eoiupreheiision. If our I'xeellent coudjiitor, licech, were to (h'aw such a thiiiij jieople would say it was a caricature — that such a saddle never was seen. And certainly it bore no allinity to the liandsome horse on which it was ])lace(l, or to the delicate cream- coloured leatiiers with which it sought to be invested. Jt was old and black, and battered, and jmtched, and capped, in almost, every part and ]ilace — jiatched, too, in the roughest, coarsest way, with great long dog-teeth-like stitches, instead of the beautiful little sewing that marks the production of the liondon workman. Even the very seat had given way in the middle and been stitched up into a thing that looked like a map of the lake of Geneva. Oh dear, Mr. Bunting was shocked, the whole being so unlike what were supplied to him by those great masters of arts in Oxford-street, who puzzle their customers so to know " which is which."' "■A\'hy what the deuce have you put these things on foi' ? " exclaimed he, taking the weather-bleached rein of the old J'elham bridle between his finger and thumb. " They are what I got with the osses, sir," reiilied Crop, eyeing his master's look of disgust. " But you don't mean to say you've got nothing better than this I " exclaimed Mr. Bunting, placing his hand on the lumpy jiommel of the variegated saddle, with its frayed unmatching girths. " Nothing else for this oss, sir," replied Crop. " Oh dear, you must have made a mistake, and come away with the exercising things ! " exclaimed i\rr. Bunting. " They arc just what they gave me at the Mews," replied Crop. " Oh dear, oh dear ; but I would never iiave taken such things," rejoined his master, frowning. ''Captain Chichester could never have ridden on such a ])ack-saddlc thing as this," said ^Ir. Bunting, sla})ping it, adding, " Couldn't you see what sort of a thing it was ? " "There was a cover over it, sir," replied Crop, popping into the stable and producing one as he spoke. " AVhy, the cover's as bad as the saddle ! " exclaimed Mr. Bunting, throwing it down, adding, " It's clearly a mistake, and they have given you the exercising things — deuced bad uns they are, too." The question then was, what to do. There stood a swell all ready for hunting, and there stood a horse ready to go if he had but a decent saddle and bridle. At this juncture sore-eyed Sam, who was as fertile in expedients PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 241 as lie was in excuses, suggested that "p'raps Mr. Buckwheat, the sporting farmer, could let them have what they wanted." " Go and see," replied Mr. Bunting, adding to Crop, " and you be getting the other horse ready in case of accidents." Crop, without telling his master that the other saddle and bridle were equally bad, then proceeded to strip the Exquisite ; but ere he had got him rubbed over and turned round in the stall, Sam returned, bearing a very passable-looking bridle and saddle, which fortunately fitted the gray not amiss, wherewith being invested, iMr. Bunting drew on his other doe-skin glove, and, gathering his whip, proceeded to mount the now greatly improved handsome animal. The important adjustments of scat and stirrups being next accomplished, he then drew rein, and feeling his horse gently with his heel, passed under the archway of the Lord Cornwallis Inn into the open space of Burton St. Leger. Here, as he got a glance of himself in Miss Muslin the milliner's plate- glass window, he thought that Owen Ashford and he looked very well together. With this pleasing conviction he rose in his stuTups, and, putting his horse into a gentle trot, passed up the straggling street, to the great admiration of the women, who drew to their windows as though a telegraphic message had announced his approach. Great was their curiosity to know who he could be. All towns have their attendant toll-bars — the penalty of greatness ; and Hooker gate paid, the excitement of observation was over, while a liberal grass siding now enabled our hero to commence an estimate of his mount on Owen Ashford, For this purpose he put along a little quicker, and proceeded to think of him, and him only. The horse was weak under him — weak certainly, Mr. Bunting thought — not the springing elasticity of cither the Bard or the Kitten. And now he began to wheeze and cough. "Confound the animal," growled Mr. Bunting, as he went grunting and wheezing up the green siding. " IMay have got something into his throat," thought he, easing him down into a walk. He then became a little better. Just as Owen Ashford had about coughed himself out, and Mr. Bunting was thinking of setting him agoing again, a start and half-look round from the horse announced an approach, and ])resently up trotted a weather-beaten-looking old gentleman, in a shocking bad hat, stained scarlet coat, hard, cracky, uricomfortablc- looking cords, and rusty Napoleons, who saluted our hero with a hail fellow well met " Good morning ! " as though he had known him all his life. This was Mr. Archy Ellenger, of Kids Hill, a well-known old fox-hunting ferret, who followed the chase more to get into jieoples' houses and to fasten upon strangers than anything else. He had heard of Mr. Bunting's arrival, and had come round by Burnfoot Lane, in order to take him in the rear. Archy was quite a diflerent sort of gentleman to the Jug, for he 11 n\]\'c[{.'i\ hospitality hiniself, was alwavs uphraidinn' ])C()]»U' for not bn-akl'astiiii^ or t-omiiiir to him ovoi'iiit^ht — liad such u nice ])icc'(' of i-riniiH'(l I'od and ii I'our-ycar lo.u; of niulton, to wliicli he would have added ii woodcoek or a dish of mince pies ; but if any one was simple enoii_u:]i to eonic Archy would show that lie was i^rcat at the art of evasion. He li\i'd in furnished lodj^inii's, kept a couple of screws and a shandrydan vehicle to attach to their tails, wherein he scoured the country far and near. llavint;- the reputation of wealth, and no one to leave it to, Arehy was everybody's ijuest, thou<;h if many of his hosts had known that he had sunk his wherewithal in an annuity, he would not have; been quite so welcome. There are Archy Ellen,[;'ers in most countries — forward men who fasten tliemselves ou to strangers, and preteml to introduce them to people whom they hai'dly know themselves. The foul c)i>:c))ih/r, however, was not at all likely to attract such a fastidious gentleman as our friend, and under ordinary circum- stances he would have shied him — at all events have shaken him oft" — before they got to the meet, just as a member of " AVhite's " gets rid of a rustic at the top of St. James's Street ; but after two days' solitary confinement there is scarcely anybody that a man can't put up with. Moreover the horseman's familiar manner made Mr. liunting almost think that he had seen him before, but where he couldn't for the life of him imagine. The face Avas something like Harry Elstob's, oidy more wrinkled ; but Harry would be above puc-kering a crape right uj) his hat to conceal its bhabbiness. The figure was something like Willy Waugh's, ol' the Convolvulus Club, but the face didn't lit ; besides, Willy didn't hunt, so it couldn't be him. However, there he was, and it was for ^Ir. Bunting to take him or leave him, as he liked. Mr. Bunting took him. "(iood morning," rc])licd he, returning Mr. Kllenger's salute, who then followed it up with a " here's a fine hunting day ! " " It is," replied ]\Ir. Bunting. " and very acceptable after all the rain." " Ver//,''' rejoined Ellenger, reining his badly-clipped dun with the familiar black stripe down its back alongside our hero. Jiunting then looked Ellenger over, and p]llenger looked him : Bunting thinking Ellenger was a queer-looking fellow, Ellenger thinking he would like to buy Bunting at his price and sell him at his own. Bunting then spoke : " J low fiw is it to the meet ? — How^ far is it to the J I oily Bush Inn ?" asked he. " Just over the hill — just over the hill," replied jNFr. Ellenger, nodding onward as spoke, adding, " plenty of time — plenty of time — no fear of being late with the Duke." " AVhat, he's unpunctual, is he ?" asked ilr. Bunting. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 243 "Terribly! terribly!" rejoined Mr. Ellenger, adding, "If he was half as keen about beginning as he is about leaving off, he would do." " Not much of a sportsman then, I presume," observed Mr. Bunting. " CONFOUND THK ANIMAL," GROWI.F.D MR. BUNTlNti. " Not a bit of one — not a bit of one," rejoined Mr. Ellenger. "Just kee])s hounds for show's sake — just kee])S hounds for show's sake. Pack of curs and a red-herring would do quite as well for him." J\[r. P]llengcr not having a vote or being otherwise available, was not admissible at Tergiversation Castle ; hence his displeasure. 11 2 •J 14 ri.MX (>i: i: i xo i E TS ? He always abnsoil the l)ukr wtll bcliiml liis liiirk.and tnadicd him to his face. Cowjh, trJirrze, i/ri(/iK colli///, now wciii Owen Ashfoid, apiin horinu' witli his head to the irronnd. "\(nir horse has |:;ot a little culd. I think, '" observed Mr. Ellcnjri'r, when the liorse liad done. "1 tlnnk he has," replied .Mr. I'.untini:-, earelessly, "or soiuetliin<^' in his throat." Coi/i/Ii, ir/iccze, i/runt, cough, went the hoi-se again. *' Colli, I should say," continued ^Mr. Ellcnger, drily. Covgli, n'Jieczr,i/n(/it,cotif//i,vc])e'.\({id the horse, vehemently. "Deuced like broken wind," muttered ^Fr. Ellen^^er to himself. "Those stables at I^urtoii St. Le.uer are not to be dei)cnded upon." observed he, aloud. "Arn't they'." replied :\rr. Bunting, adding, "AYhat's the matter with them ? " " No trade — no custom — never aired — cold and damp — uncom- fortable. "Wish I'd known you'd been coming, I'd have got you some good ones at Stobtield or Oldgate." " Wonder who the deuce you are," again mused Mr. Bunting, looking his companion over — shabby clothes, bad horse, and all. He thought he must have met him before, and yet he couldn't tell ■where. It wasn't old Hetlierington of Berkeley Street, and yet he was veiy like him. Cough, irhec':e, grunt, cough, again went Owen Ashford, in the most summary manner. " If that horse is not broken-winded, I'm a Dutchman," observed ^Ir. Ellenger to himself, eyeing the catch of his flank. However, it was no business of his, and perhaps he was only riding him to cover. " Horse on ?" at length asked he, thinking to test it. " No," replied ^Ir. Bunting, " just jogging him on tnyself." " So am I," rejoined Mr. P]llenger, trying to put a little liveli ness into the dun with his off-sidespur as he spoke. Just then two horsemen, one dressed in a bottle-green coat, with a buff" vest and white cords, riding a great staring four-year old bay, the other in fiddle-case boots and red shawl cravat and mufti generally, emerged from Brackenside Lane upon the road our friends were travelling, and were immediately hailed by Ellenger in the patronising way a red-coated man sjjeaks to a dark one. " Hollo I Jobling I" exclaimed he, addressing the gentleman in green, " what, are you for the fo.x ! How go on the harriers .''" Then before the master of Muggers had time to reply, ^Mr. Ellenger followed up the charge by touching Mr. I>unting on the arm with the crop of his whip, and saying, "Allow me to introduce my friend Mr. Jobling — Mr. Jonathan Jobling. master of the best pack of han-iers in the world ;" whereupon Mr. Bunting made a PLAIN OE RINGLETS? 245 bow, aud Jobling- grinned more complacently than he would have done but for the compliment. EUeng-cr then tried to trot Jonathan out, but the hare-hunter saw through him, and without noticing his next inquiry, " How many hares he had killed ? " began talking to Mr. Bunting about the wet, the weather, and other indifferent subjects. The man of the hat then joined the man in mufti, and thus they proceeded in pairs. As they neared the brow of Little Hay Hill, Avhere the Quarry-house toll-bar embraces the four lane ends in its three-halfpenny grasp, Mr, Ellenger bellowed to Mr. Jobling, who was then in advance, " I've got sixpence, Job ! I'll pay for all ! " but when they reached the gate, and ]\Irs. Fakey stood with extended hand for the money, the sixpence was not to be found. Our hero at last had the pleasure of paying for all. CHAPTER XLVI. A SHOCKING BAD HOKSE. Our toll-fi'ce friends having now gained the summit of Little Hay Hill, a goodly landscape appeared before them ; in the far distance the town of Herdingford, with its lofty spire, then the tortuous windings of the silvery Dart meandering through the fertile meadows, next the ducal Castle on its stately eminence, and then a wide smiling vale, which at that distance looked extremely easy to cross. On the straight road full in front, a long cavalcade was approaching, foremost of which was old " Halth and Oontantment," with the hounds and the numerous attendants in yellow. Then came a dribbling line of scarlets, and blacks, and browns, and greens, the wearers riding in threes and twos and singly. "(Jreat muster, seemingly," observed Mr. Jobling, eyeing the unwonted numbers. " Got a great gun at the Castle — Prince of Potatoes, or some- thing of that sort," observed Mr. Ellenger, laughing at his own wit. " Then we shall have a show day, I feai- — bag-fox or something of that sort, ]j'raps," oljserved the master of the harriers. " Not unlikely," re])lied Mr. Ellenger, "provided any body will trust the Duke for one, Ae — he — he, haw — haiv — h.aw''' The Holly I>ush was a great resort of drovers and peojileof that description, but since they took to the rail, the iJusli has rath .'r come down in the world, and is more su])ported by the sale of lemonade and other non-intoxicating beverages, than by that of 246 /'/..l/.V oi; in Si; LETS? dill sir .lohn Harlfvconi. It stmuls in tlu'ci-iitiv oiu <;oo(l coniitrv, Siinnysiile Woodson tli-j north, Sliiptoii (Jrocn (ii'ove utcher, who wanted a little bill of the Duke, and was thinking of dunning him. At length, as even the most patient of the now numerous field were beginning to grumble, a something was seen in the distance, and presently the red and yellow liveries of the Duke loomed in perspective, and all eyes turned the way they were coming. There were out-riders both before and behind, who came working their arms in the great-exertion- little-progress- way peculiar to the riders of half-tired horses. The postilions, who had been nursing their horses, presently began to spur and exert themselves in order to come up with a dash, which they did to the door of the Holly Bush Inn. Hats and caps then rose from the heads of those arrived. Archy EUenger's shocking bad hat making as great an effort as any of them. These salutations being condescendingly returned by the nol)le inmates of the carriage, the powdered foot- man let down the steps, and the Prince, tlie Duke, and the Earl descended, and entered the parlour of the Holly Bush Inn, there to revise their attire. This they were not long in doing, and they presently returned, all red, and gold, and fancy colours, the Duke and his Lordship wearing leathers and tops, the Prince's nether man being encased in a pair of superlatively shining Napoleons. It was a pity that the great men's horses were not so good as their clothes, or the turn out would have been very respectable. The Duke, to be sure, had a good one for himself, but Lord Marchhare having lamed the bay on which Leech depicted him piloting Miss Rosa, was reduced to a weedy little chestnut of one of the whips, while the Prince was put upon a great ambling, high-crested, hollow-backed white, that looked more like a trumpeter's horse than a hunter. However, its flowing mane and abundant tail pleased the foreigner, who having mounted, began ambling and curvetting and caprioling among the crowd. Duthe had to earn his keep yet by having such of the field presented to him as the Duke thought would pay for the honour ; and forth- with much of the same sort of scene ensued that was enacted at the hatlue — people being brought up and introduced whom the stranger would forget the next moment. To most of these the affable Prince offered some sage observation, such as " It vos \'on vare fine day i'or foxing — should kill many dozens of them he thought," his Highness thinking that in fox-hunting, as in pheasant-shooting, quantity was the criterion of sport. Mean- while Mr. Haggish sat on his gi'eat l)lack horse; (lalashiels, tapping his boot with his whip, and grinding liis teeth in disgust at tlie sight of the man who had shot one. 1.'48 / ' L A IX (> n li I y < : L K TS 'f At li'iiirth it ciniu' io .lock's turn to Ix- iiotici'tl, ami addrcssiiiL;- his liuiitsmiMi, tlu- Ihiki' inquired what he was Lcoing to (h'aw iirst. "Wall, what yunr (Jraco pleases,"' replied Jock, raisinj>s his pk)n<,'li ; and every distant slu'plu'rd nej^lects liis flock, and runs to see liini liivak. What joy I what eaircrness in every face I " Mr. lla<;i:ish has i;i>t jj^reat (lalashids hy the head, and goes hliil), blolt, hlitlibiiiii' np the deep holdint: vkh after his darlinns. His eyessparklc with delight, and he is (piite another Mr. llaLrii-ish to what he was when eyeing- the Prince l)efbi-e the Holly-bnsh Inn. His lli<,diness too tears alonL' with a loose seat and a loose rein on his <;reat white charijer, lnokin^' as thon,<,di he wonld very soon stop him. Luckily, the old nau; can take care of himself, and will shut np as soon as be thinks he has had enough. The Prince, liowever, expects each moment will l)e the last, and wonders wliaL they can have done with the ijnnf- — wjiy they are not doubling: the ib.v up with one as he did. They vill not kill many dozen, if they take so much time over von, thought he. That one, however, is a ijood one, and runs the cover's ntmog!:< limits, anxious to break, but headed back in all his endeavours. Now by the foot people, now l)y the horse, now i)y a combination of both. AVhata host of enemies the pooi' animal has! lie should have a dozen lives instead of one, especially with sucli a skirting' pack as the Duke's to contend with. The chorus increases, and even the terriers are squeakin<,^ at him. They'll kill him if he doesn't get away. "Tallyliol theie he goes across the ride, whisking his well- tagged brush, right nnder the Prince's trooper's nose, who hasn't the sense to draw the liorse aside for the hounds to pass. Over they go, tearing and screeching, each hound working as though lie would eat the fox himself. A sudden lull ensues I The echo- ing wood is still — irho-Jioop ! cries JiOi'd Marchliare, thinking the performance is over. "Not a bit of it,'" replies Mr. Haggish, spurring and cracking 4 /'/..i/.v (>i; i:i xc i.irrsr iti tliiwini; riiiji-U'ts too. wliidi <];uici'(l iiuTrily in the sun to tlm motion of tlio ]HMiy. .Mi-. « JuKlspiiik's ojtinioii had coiiu' to lici- (.•ai"s, iiiul causod Ivosa to Rsiiinc ln'iv/z/Zr-Koscbcrry-lvocks-stylc of dressini; Iut bright silkiii ti'i'ssts. Miss started too, for hotwiT'ii oursi'lvt's, gontlL' reader, slie thought, at first siglit. that the approaching horseman was Lord Marehhare, and the worthlcssness of the gipsy's propliecy flashed upon her mind — What, if after all she slmidd he a duchess ! The fates seemed propitious to the idea. As she got nearer howcvei', the delusion was gradually dispelled, for beneath the black cap .she now recognised first the dark whiskers, and llun the familiar features of our friend. " Why, Mr. Bunting ! " exclaimed she, opening wide her beautiful blue ej'cs, as she reined in her ambling white jiallrey oesido him. " AVhy. Mr. Bunting, who would have thought of seeing yuu here I "" tendering her pretty little 2>i'iiiii-ose-coloured kid-gloved hand as she spoke — half wondering if the gipsy was going to be right after all. ""Why, Miss Rosa, who would have thought of seeing you !" responded our delighted friend, seizing the proffered hand and pressing it fervently, adding, " 'J'his is indeed an unexpected pleasure." Up then came Old Gaiters, the groom gardener, on the yawn- ing ewe-necked bay mare, which had been left immeasurably in the lurch by the quick-footed volatile pony. Gaiters and the mare had many a weary trash about the country alter ]Miss Rosa, that neither his age nor the qualities of his steed qualified him for. Having succeeded in stopping the great boring brute, a few yards below them, he now sat staring and wondering who the smart gentleman in scarlet could lie, and thinking he' might do for his lady. Being down wind, (iaiters' position would ha\e been rather inconvenient if the jjarties had had anything particular to say, but being chiefly confined to questions and answers it did not make much matter. "And have you had a run ? " asked Miss llosa, as soon as the proper Privett Grove enquiries were over. " Have you had a run ? " repeated she, with evident interest. "Why, yes — no, (hem) yes," replied ]\Ir. Bunting in the hesitating sort-of-wav of a man who docs not know much about it. "A good one I " exclaimed she with undiminished zeal. "Why, yes, no, yes, in fact I hardly can tell you," replied he "for my horse isn't well, and I was obliged to pull up at the end of (hem) time." " What I have you had a fall ? " now asked Miss Rosa, as she .saw Owen Ashford's dirty side. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 255 '•' My horse has," replied Mv. Bunting dryly, adding-, " he's not quite up to the mark you see — got a little c(»ld in coming down — • so I thought it best to give in." Just then Owen Ashford gave a hearty confirmatory " cougli, wheeze, grunty "Ah, I see he has," rejoined Miss Rosa. "Must have his feet [lut in warm water and a little gruel, when he goes to bed ; but tell me," added she, " who was out ? " " Who was out ? " repeated Mr. Bunting, " Who was out ? Ah, there you ask me a question I can hardly answer. I was like the new boy in the school you see, where, though they all knew me, I didn't know them." " Well, was Tiord Marchhare there ? " asked Miss Eosa, coming at once to the point. " Lord Marchhare was there," replied ]\[r. Bunting, "also the Duke, and a Prince somebody." " Prince Pirouetteza," suggested Miss Eosa. " I dare say that was the name," said Mr. Bunting carelessly, '•' a beardy gentleman on a capering white horse, who rode like a trooper." " And which way did the hounds go ? " asked Miss Eosa. " Oh, over the hills and far away. I haven't the slightest idea Avhere. One hill is much the same as another to a stranger." " True," assented Miss Eosa, thinking she might as well give up her intended hound hunt, and accompany her faithful beau on his homeward way. With this resolution, she touched her pony lightly with her pink-tasselled riding whij), and Mr. Bunting giving Owen Ashford a hint with his heel to proceed, the two passed (3ld Gaiters, who presently getting his horse hauled round the same way, the trio proceeded on their homeward way. The reality of the scene being now realised, Miss dismissed her Marchhareish ideas, and proceeded to talk to her Avatering-placc acquaintance, ilr. Bunting, asked when he came, where he was going, as though she hadn't the slightest idea what had brought him down into the country. So they proceeded at a pace peculiarly adapted to Owen Ashford's infirmities, along the nice grass-sided road cheered with the rays of a bright winter's sun. At length a harsh matter-of-fact white guide post stood in the angle of two road ends, one black hand pointing to Burton St. Leger, another to Mayfield, and Owen Ashford giving such a series of grunts as sounded very like coming to a period or full stop, the interesting pair at length parted, Miss again shaking hands with our hero, and assuring him that tiiioy (not Mannna only) would be happy to see him at Privett (irove, and then can- tering awt'y to announce the all-important arrival to her parent. LT.d / ' /. .1 JX (> i; i; I .\ ( i I. K TS ! And our di-liirlitcd frii'iul luiviiiix ftilldwcd \w\- as far as lu' could with his cyos. thi'U iirofci-iK'd leisurely alon«; the reverse road, inwardly conjiratuhitiiiir hinisilf »in the result of the day's advenluros, aiul wonderiu"; what would be the result of the expedition. ClIArTKi: XlAJll. THE EXQUI.SITK. As (lur now thricc-happy hero descended Holmcside Hill, which Oduuuauds a full view of liurtou St. Lei^ei', and the surnnindinj; rountry, he saw a well-mnlHcd-up man ridinL,^ a badly clipped brown hoi'se with a big knee, who checking his horse as tliey ap- liroached. stopped altogether as they met. "Mr. Hunting isn't it, sir ? " asked the man hesitatingly, touch- ing his hat as he spoke. " It is," replied our hero, wondering what anybody could want with him. " I wish to speak a word with you sir, if you please sir," said the man, sawing away at his hat. "AVell, speak away," replied ^Ir. lUinting. " I much fear that horse of yours is broken-winded, sir," observed the man, eyeing our friend intently as he spoke. "What horse I " exclaimed Mr. Bunting, wondering how the raan could know anything about Owen Ashford's ailments. " "Well, sir, the horse I've been seeing — the horse at the Corn- wallis Inn — the bay horse." " The bay horse ! " exclaimed !Mr. Bunting — '•' the bay horse I Why you don't mean to say there's anything the matter with the bcuj horse ? " *' Indeed, I do, sir," replied the man solemnly. *' How do you know ? " demanded ls\x. Bunting anxiously. " Why, sir, they sent for me to come and see him. I'm Mr. Kerby the veterinary surgeon, and they sent for me to come and see him — he'd stopped in his gallop at exercise, and they could hardly get him home." " Stopped in his gallop," muttered Mr. Bunting, "stopped in his gallo]) — what business had they to gallop him ? J)are say, they've done it them-selves." "Oh, no, sir," replied Mr. Kerby, with a semi-smile and shake of his head. " It's an old complaint sir, — an old complaint." " Well, but what makes you think he's broken winded ? " de- manded our hero. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 257 " I see he's broken-winded, sir — there's no mistake about that, can tell a l)roken-windcd horse in the dark." " Humph ! " mused j\Ir. Bunting, feeling that as he had never had a broken-winded horse, he was not in a position to contradict the Vet. There is nothing like experience for making people wise. The man who has had a splented or a spavined horse is always looking out for splents and spavins, A man who has had a glandcred one invests every horse with a running at the nose with glanders. Ho with other complaints. " I don't think that horse is altogether as he should be," now observed Mr. Kerby, after a pause, during which he had a good stare at Owen Ashford. " What — this ! " exclaimed ■Mr. Bunting, slapping the horse's side. " Indeed, I think not," replied the man, " I don't like the lieav ing of his flanks." " Why you don't mean to say he's broken-winded too ? " replied Mr. Bunting incredulously. " I much suspect he is," rejoined the man, who had wormed the history of the exchange of horses out of the groom. " Nay, then ! " ejaculated Mr. Bunting, superciliously. " AVill you allow me to try him, sir ? " asked Mr. Kerby. " With all my heart," replied Mr. Bunting, dropping the reins (juite resignedly, thinking he might as well know the worst at once. Mr. Kerby then alighted, and leaving his own sedate nag to crop the short herbage by the road-side, he approached Owen Ashford, and under the well-known pretence of hitting him in the ribs, elicited the expected grunt. " / said so,'" observed the man, with a nod of confidence. " AVhat ! do you mean to say he's broken-winded too? " asked Mr. Bunting in disgust. " Just as bad as the other," replied the man, with a chuck of his chin — " Just as bad as the other." " The deuce ! " growled Mr. Bunting. "Never saw two brokener winded animals in all my life," observed the Vet, half to himself and half to our hero. A gleam of light then shone upon our friend's mind, and he began to perceive, what we doubt not the sporting reader has seen all along — namely, what caused the mirth and merriment of the people in the Sligo Mews. The advertisement, like most specious offers, was too good to be true, and our hero had aided the robbery by his own pro[iosal for an exchange of horses. J>ut for this he would most likely only have lost a fifty pound de])o.sit and got a broken-winded animal for the money, whensas, in addition to his losing his horses, he was saddled with two broken-winded ones. s 2:»8 /• /, . ( / .V I) i: i; i \ ( ; 1. 1: ts / This was very soon |)aiiifully ;i])p:uriit, for li:i|iii(Miinu^ t(» tiini tlmt. very I'Vi'iiini; to tlic too si'dtiftivc 'I'iijips' Siipplcint'iit, lit- ruinitl tlio liorsi' temptation Iiad lioi-ii I'liauirod from the loan of two splendid Inintci-s into an advertisemont of a superb lady's liorse for sale. Thus it ran : "A ClIUISTMAS PKKSKXr I IluiHl.v liKoKKN I, amy's lloKSK I — To be dis[)osed (if ibr one- half its real value, or let, subject to approval of purchase, 'Jkwkl,' one of the neatest and most highly broken lady's IIOKSKS in the metropolis, with saddle, bridle, and everything complete. This animal is perfection, both in action, temper, docility, and appearance, and has been constantly ridden by a lady up to the present time, whose great anxiety is to get it well placed. Colour silver dun, with flowing mane and tail, Arab-like head, with clean legs and fashionable action. Any length of trial allowed. To save trouble, no dealer need a])ply. Ask for ^Matthew, ^liss HoUoway's groom, 51 A, 81igo Mews, Rochester Square.'' And thus the inhabitants of Sligo ]\rews are ke})t in a constant state of amusement by watching the flys that flock to each fresh ad- vertisement ; stout gentlemen with corpulent umbrellas hurrying up from the country thinking to do the generous at a cheap rate ; languishing young gentlemen, witli hands up to the hilts in their peg-top trowser-pockets, wondering if the " Jewel " would do foi- dear ^lary Anne or Eleanor Jane : verdant gentlemen thinking to get a ride for nothing, and wonderfully disappointed at being- asked for a " deposit ; " knowing grooms passing on with a smile as soon as '"^Matthew'' presented himself, and less confident coachmen hesitating whether or not to go in according to master's or mistress's orders. Often and rapidly as Aol is cleared out, Aaron Levy the landlord fills up the vacancy with fresh Crankeys and ^latthews's, so brisk is the trade, and so yielding the seams of British greenness and greediness. One reason why this horse-cheating prospers is that parties are ashamed to admit they have been duped, and part with the j^oor animals to the first person who makes them an offer, or who per- hai)s will take them in a gift. This is generally some confederate of the swindlers who thus get them back to operate with again under other names. Indeed a suspicious-looking stranger arrived at the Malt-Shovel Inn at Burton .St. Leger, with a packet of pens and general stationeiy, and had several dialogues Avith sore-eyed Sam as they lounged against the railings in front of the Lord C'ornwallis Inn, the burthen of which generally was that he wondered such a genilman as ^Ir. Bunting would ride a broken-winded oss, for which he expressed his Avillingness to give sometimes three, sometimes four, and sometimes even as much as four pound ten. PL A IX OR RINGLETS? 259 Indeed, at lengtli he got so valiant that he wouldn't mind giving- ten pounds for the two, if it would be any accommodation to the " Squire." And there can be no doubt that where the whole thing turns upon looks, a five pound note would be extremely well in- vested upon a horse that would immediately convert the five pound note into fifty or ]ierhaps a hundred. No one, taking either Owen Ashford or the Exquisite out of the stable on trial, would hesitate to deposit a fifty pound note or give a cheque on his banker, if he had not the money with him, for that amount, conditional on the safe return of the horse ; indeed would think he was let rather cheaply oft" for that amount. Half an hour, however, would undeceive him, but wlien he came back he might knock and ring a long time at olA before he got admitted. j\[eanwuile all Sligo Mews would be alive from one end to the other, and numerous would be the inquiries if he didn't wish he " might get it." It may appear cruel, but considering the torture these poor animals undergo to furbish them up for their share of the deception, it would be a greater kindness for a dupe to give them to the nearest horse-slaughterer rather than prohing their exist- ence by selling them back to these ])arl)arous rnftians. The dupe would at all events aid in the suppression of the fraud, as far as he was concerned, an object that we hope to promote by thus detailing the adventures of Captain Cavendish Chichester's horses. CHAPTER XLIX. PRIVETT GROVE. ]\rR. BuxTixG did not accommodate the peripatetic stationer with his stud, but got Mr. Kerby, the veterinary surgeon, to patch them up as well as he could for walking purposes. By judicious feeding a broken- winded animal may be made available for slow work and quiet jjurposes. Having ascertained through the medium of the electric telegraph that there was no sucli person then known at TjlA, Sligo Mews, as Peter Crankey, Captain Cavendish Chichester's groom, or any such horses there as his own Bard or the Kitten, Mv. Banting became somewhat resigned to his uiducky fate, and treated the ailments of his hoi'ses as colds they had caught on the journey down. It would ill become sl man of his knowledge and experience to admit he had been victimised in any such ridiculous way. So he determined to accommodate himself to their coughing, and consoled himself with the thought that it would have been worse if they had been glaudered. If ho 2i: i:i \i; ij-rrs? rrivctt (irovi-, Fulldw tiiis mail till jdu como to tlic turn, tlicii take tin- one to the ri<;lit and it loads past the liatc.'" " Tlianks," said .Mr. Hiuitiiiij:, i-Iiiickini,'- hvv a sllilliIl<,^ "(iiuul liu-k to yoii I " (.•xclaiiiK'd the woman, delighted at liis jj^encmsity. Mr. Diiwihvj: tliLMi raised a short trot to ^^'t a liitie in advance of his infoiinant. He was presently at the turn, jjresently at the jjuto, and ])rosently in siijht of the heloved spot. Privett (Jrovc was a pretty jilace even in winter, perhaps nicer to look at than to live in. It was an up-and-downy, in-and-out v Mls,^ I!i»A. sort of place with odd doors, odd windows, odds and ends al- together. You went up a step into the dining-room, and down a step into the drawing-room ; the larder was where the library ought to be, and the scullery had usurped the place of the shoe- house. However, it was no time for criticism, and ]\Ir. hunting felt as if he could love everything about it — the road, the I'ails, the roller, the Aery chimney-pots themselves. It wore a holiday a.spect both inside and out; for OM (Jaiters having duly dis- charged the duties of groom had undertaken that of gardener, and .scratched the road with a I'ake from the gate up to tlie door. All the stray leaves that had been careering about for weeks and weeks, were now caught and consigned to the cow-house. The drawing-room was put into a sort of semi-review order, the PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 263 KidJerminstcr carpet nncovered, but tlie flowered chintz allowed to remain on the sofa and chairs. If, however, the sofa was covered, its worsted-worked cushions were exhil)itcd in a way that looked as if they were S'oin.U' to be raffled for. Thei'e was that triumph of the art, Melrose by moonlight, all worked by Miss Rosa before she was fourteen ; there was Slingsby Priory, and Coppenthorpe ('astle, and a Cockatoo of most conspicuous colours. We don't know how many stocking heels might be left undarncd in order that she might work tliem, but that is not to the point. Our old acquaintance John Thomas was prepared to expect company, while Perker, the maid, saw by the way Miss Rosa twisted and turned and examined herself in each glass in succession, that she was bent on display. She had on her new lilac and black droa'uet, her neat waist set oif with a band and a rich cut steel clasji, an embroidered muslin collar and sleeves trimmed with lilac-coloured ribbon. Very neat shoes and stock- ings coiDpleted her costume, in which she smiled complacently on herself in the cheval glass. Still it was not surmised in the kitchen who was the cause of all this commotion, and it was not until Owen Ashford came coughing and grunting up to the house that Perker became alive to the importance of the occasion. " My gracious ! " exclaimed she, clasping her hands, " if here isn't Mr. What's-his name ! " adding, " shall forget my own next." So saying, she slipped noiselessly down the back stairs, ejaculating " Mr. Bunting ! " and took up a position at the green baize- covered door connecting the little entrance hall with the back passage and offices. Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, now went the bell, in reply to Crop's summons, who had dismounted for tlie purpose. " Clear the way, woman," cried the footman, hurrying up to where Perker was now listening, in her greatly distended petticoats. Having brushed past the impediment he let the door swing to upon her, and advanced becomingly up the entrance. " Ladies at home ?" now asked Mr. Bunting, in a careless sorb of way, that but ill accorded with his feelmgs, giving at the same time a smile of recognition to the man. " Yes, sir," replied the obsequious servant, bowing to the compliment, whereupon Mr. liunting alighted, feeling pretty well assured that the eyes of England were upon him, and proceeded to follow his pilot into the house — the beloved house that might be his, marble slab, Louis Quatorze clock, stulled Ptarmigan and all. Passing all these, our hero, following the footman, turned to the right, and a bright red rug proclaimed the door of the room of presentation. As they say tirst im))rcssions arc everything, it was lucky this was not Mr. hunting's first appearance, for John Thomas, ibr- getting to warn him of the downward descent into the drawing- L'r,4 I'LAiy oi: in s ( ; l k ts ? rodin. just us «n;r IVitiKl liiitl put on liis nidst cujitivatiuL^ Kn)iIo, and arnin;;iMl sdiMitliiiiu I'lfiisaut to say to l)oth of tlie ladirs, in lie wont ill llio iR'ad-fuiriiiKst sort of style that a cldwu tuiiildus on to tlu' stajjo, CDiniiU'ti'ly jiiittini,^ td flight sniiK-, simi)tr,,s(.niiini'iit, nil Ir' had jjot to say. A trille of this sort would Id' Motiiiiit; to most men. Itur to a man like our hero, wlut went so much on apjiraraiices, it was saijly vexatious. He knew there was notiiin<; made a man hujk so ridiculous us a descent of this kind, and there was notliinu; he dreaded so much as looking; ridiculous, especially before lur. It was therefore some minutes ere he .trot his nerves composed aiul his ideas sufliciently restored to their former order, so as to start from the place where he had left mother and dauj^hter, viz., the railway station at Roseberry Rocks, llavinj'- done amj)le justice to the charms of that beautiful place — the Rocks we mean, not the station — Mr. Buutino; next drew a few mutual acquaintances casually before them, and despite ^Irs. ^McDermott's elfoits (who had a preseniimcnt of what was cominjj!:) to turn the conversation, at leni^'th asked in a careless sort of way, if they had seen auythin*;- of their fat friend youns; ]\lr. (Joldtinch since they left. "Gold-*/;////-," replied ]Mrs. ]\lcl)erniott, with an emphasis on the '* spink." " Goldspink — oh, yes, we see him occasionally," said she ; "he lives near here, yon know.*' "Oh, does he?" replied ^Ir. I5iintiiii^-, as though he had no idea of anythinjr of the sort. ^Irs. !McDermott here gave the bell-handle a turn, which John Thomas answered by bringing a silver tray with seed, cake and some capital sherry ; for the late ]\Ir. McDermott was a great connoisseur, and had left her an excellent stock ; which, however, ^Ir. Bunting declining, the conversation again resumed its former current of inquiry and recital : what they had been doing since they parted ; where they had been, where they were going ; and though iliss told of her hunt with the Duke of Tergiversation's liounds, .she said nothing of Lord ^Mardihare, or of his lordship's decoration of her pony's head with the fox's bi-ush. They then talked about hunting generally, ^Mr. Jessop's hounds, the Duke of Tergiversation's hounds, ^Ir. Jonathan .lobling's harriers ; and Mr. Bunting expressed his astonishment at meeting Miss Rosji the day before. Shouldn't have known her if it hadn't Ijeen for her hat, never having seen her on horseback before, or with her hair in ringlets. Then Mamma took up the running, and asked Mr. Bunting how he liked Rosa in ringlets ; and though our hero was too good a judge to say anything decidedly again.st them, yet both Mamma ani: i:i .\(; i.irrs .^ wluTi'. lu' tliuiii;lit, tlu'V Would lirid a wild lux, and lie coiK-liided tlu' nviTtiiR' l>_v saviiii,' that lu' hoped Mr. IJuiitinu: would diiu" and stay all nijjfht aL A|i|tIet'ord Hall after liuutinu;. To an out- and-out sportsman, nothmi: could he handsonu-r or more invitinir, and thonuh a less vii,'orous ]trojj:raiiinio would have suitt'd our friend (piile as well, he eould not say " nav " to the oiler. So it was settled that there shoidd he a horse at Hassocks Heath Hill, and our master of hounds deelinini;: our hero's (jller of refreshment (thouirh the Jui^ had a <,Hass of wliiskey) presently took his departure, and juni])inu: into his dog-cart, droxc rapidly away with the .In:li fortaiii whiti'-lioadc'd IVii-zo-coatod faniiLM's, can "iniml" wluii the Si'otcli tirs wcro mori' nniiK'roiis, iioiU' of tlicm can ever remember the trees hciiii; miy smaller. There they stand, at wide intervals, on the trravelly hill with plenty of room for their stau:-lica(led tops to spread and atlord shelter alike Irom tlie seoreliinii' sun, and the drivinjx storm. Tlic well trodden dun-eoloured grass around sjiows by the pole and peti-holes, the clippings of tin, the shaving of sticks, and the ashes of tires, the varied purposes to which the place is ap]»licd. Now it is going to be used as the opening scene in the great British drama called the fox-hunt — in which every man can take a ])art without note or invitation. First to arrive vn this auspicious day were a grou]) of pedestrians ; .Jacky Bray, the gigantic quoit-playing blacksmith of Lockerby Ford, who has walked tifteen miles : 'J'om Cooper the gentleman, in a cat-skin cap, with blue glass buttons on a faded red-plush vest, who lives nobody exactly knows how, but whose bulging calves show little symptoms of want ; Xat Skittles the pedestrian whistlei-. who can do anything but work ; Jim Savage the horsebreaker, who is only half broke himself ; Ned Willowford the travelling basket-maker of anywhere, and two or three sniock-frockcd shejiherds and countrymen, who have each forfeited a day's work to be present. Their beaming faces, however, show they expect plenty of fun for their money. If they do but see the Squire's dogs find, they'll be quite content. "Aye, they are good dogs" they say, and so they out with their pipes, and sipiat on the gravelly ground to enjoy a smoke, discuss their merits — eulogising such hounds as they have the pleasure of knowing by sight. The next change in the scene, is the arrival of the horses, mostly fine handsome well-conditioned animals who know as Avellwhat they are going to do as the grooms who bestride them. ^lost of these men are got up for the occasion, smart ties, smart coats, smart boots, smart every thing — for there are gentlemen who would rather not hunt at all than not turn out in other than what they consider tip-top style. This, of course, varies with the taste of each mastei', so hei'c we have laced hats, plain hats, cockaded hats, light coats, dark coats, chesnut tops, red tops, pink tops, and nearly black tops. There is as much affectation about tops as there is about jiipes, each man thinking to have his pipe or his tops blacker than his neigiibours. The dilference between a show and a sporting pack now begins to be apparent, the horses and servants of the men of the Duke's hunt contrasting badly with the neat quiet equipments of those belonging to ^Ir. Jesso])'s. The finely-shaped tlea-bitten grey horse and the Ijright bay, in charge of the knowing-looking little fellow in the black frock-coat, striped vest, and Bedford cords, PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 269 are our master's own, liis first and second horses, for he hunts the hounds himself, and always has two out. The diminutive yenius in charge of them may be any age, any age at least, save young, for he was no boy when Mr. Jessop took him, and he has been with him many years. His name is Mark ; he most likely has another, but it has long been lost from disuse, at least nobody would know him if he was called by it — while as " Mark " he is everybody's acquaintance ; follow " Mark," is the order to all the second horsemen. " Where's ^lark ! " is the cry when the hounds come to check, " let Mark have a run at it ! " is the proposal when the leap is larger than people like, and they want it reduced. Nature meant Mark for a horseman, and it was lucky he hit upon hunting, or he might have been silk instead of scarlet, fluttering on a race-course instead of careering across country. The slouchiug-looking clown following Mark, in the unl)rusbed hat, shaggy head, careless tie, and drab coat turned up with grease, riding the iron-marked chesnut with the white face and legs, is the Jug's lad, Button, whose Christian name being Tom, of course they call him " Billy " and the led horse ; a grand- looking grey — is the Bold Pioneer, one of oar master's own horses, now for Mr. Bunting's riding. Whatever Mr. Jessop did, he always did well, a mount being a mount with him, and not an animal that could only go a few fields. Scarcely has Mark brushed away the mud-specks, and rectified the little derangements of the road, greeted his acquaintance, and made a general survey of the scene, ere the hounds hea^■e in sight, lobbing along in long-drawn file on either side of the road, in the careless inditferent sort of way fox-hounds travel to cover. There are only a couple of scarlet coated men witli them, Hornoyman the first whip, who would be huntsman if his master ever gave him a chance by being away, and " Michael," who, like Mark, most likely has some other name, if one did but know it. Horneyman is a slight, slim, middle-aged man, while Michael is a little, short-legged, roundabout fellow, who sits like a sack, and looks as though he might be rolled about any where without hurting. And many rolls, and bumps, and thumps he gets in the course of the season, for he has no notion of turning, and has many a rough line to fight for himself. Lord Marchhare has been known to make a special expedition into the vale for the solo purpose of having a cram across country with ^Ir. Jessop's men, old 1 faith and Contantment never indulging his lordship's taste that way. The gay cavalcade approaches, and now a gentle rate from Horneyman stops old (ridan, who as usual is well in advance of the pack, and all at once the head recedes, the tail advances, and twenty couple of great lashing fox-houuds arrive in a solid mass instead of in the loose straggling lines in which they had been •-'TO ri.Aix oi: i; I .\;, grey-whiskered, grey-headed man — we beg pardon, gentleman — -in scarlet, leathers, nnd cap, who the servants called " Sir," and touched their hats to. If Mr. Hawkins had only had a few decent horses to be master of, lie would have filled the office remarkably well, as it was he was very weak in the department over which he professed to preside. That, however, was more the Duke's fault than his, his Grace haviug no notion of the division of labour and insisting upon Hawkins's horses doing everything — hunting, hacking, outriding, leather-plateing — anything — even going to the Post if required. Then, as his (iraca was not in great repute as a paymaster, the I'armers did not press their produce Vi\V)\\ him, and Hawkins was often obliged to ])ut up with only indifferent forage. He now comes to cover at tlie head of half-a-dozen screws which would be much better condensed into three. There are two for the Duke, two for the Earl, and two for the Prince, our old white friend with the triumphant ends, Timour the Tartar, as he is called, being one of the two for the latter. It is to be hoi)ed that their numbers impose upon somebody, and tend to keep up what the Duke calls his po-o-sition in the county. The first real accredited sportsman to arrive is our old friend Mr. Archey Ellenger, who has lain all night at farmer Hobday's, at Dumbleton, and Hol)day having had to breakfast early in order to attend Mayfield market, has caused Archey to turn out earlier than he liked. His old rusty red coat and cords contrast badly ■with ^Ir. Hawkins's smart scarlet and leathers, and Hawkins returns Archey's lamiliar "good morning" with a sort of salulc that as good as says, " I don't know whether I'll touch my cap to yon or not." Horneyman and Michael merely move theirs a little, as though they were not (piite comfortable on their heads. Meanwhile the plot thickens and there is jtresently a great uuister of hoi'semen, gentlemen in black coats, gentlemen in green coats, gentlemen in grey coats, gentlemen in pea-jackets, gentlemen in over-coats, and in every variety of legging. At length the red coats begin to arrive, those on cantering hacks showing their grandeur openly, those on wheels covering themselves up with warm wraps and rags, — the yellow collars of the Duke's men dis- tinguishing them from the plain reds of Mr. Jessop's hunt. OF the former we have several of our old shooting acquaintance, the Duke having expressed a wish that as many of his friends should attend as possible. Our old friend, Captain Cambo, has invested '2-:-2 I'l.Aix (n; uiM.'Lirrs i' his Tit )K'i-son in a vi'vy (ij,'litly-littini; oM ilivss red with the vt'lKiw silk liniiiiLr taken ont, very fraj^^ile-ltiokinu; white cmhIs, and llhins-hide-Mke Xajioleon lt»»ots. Then iliere is Toiij^aiey Thdinsoii, as noisy as ever, in a bran new yellow-collare(l red eoat, l>ut a Very seedy brown cap, also Mr. Daintry, lioth IJrown, and lUaek Wliito, (ieorjre ^Vheel^'r — the craik man of the Dnke's hunt, who can beat evei'ylMidy — also ('ai)taiii Anibi-ose Iii,i;lifoot, on leave of absence from Freeland's Lawn, Mr. Woi^dross, Mr. Vonmr. (\)lonel Nettlestead, .Mr. Leyland Lanulbrd, and several others all bent on distintjuishin^; thems-elves in sonif^ way or other. Punctual to the minute, up drove ]\Ir. .lovey Jessop, with his .Iiiunting ? Then somebody had seen a stranger on a bay coming very slowly, and ^Ir. .Jessop wished ]\fr. Bunting mightn't have mistaken the hour, thinking they met at eleven instead of half-past ten : and after consuming some ten minutes in unpro{ital)lc talk, he at length hollowed out to ^lark, *' Well, give me my hcirse : and you," addressing the Jug's lad, " stay here till ;Mr. Bunting comes, and then show him the way to the cover." " Horse I " exclaimed Mr. Archey EUenger, " horse ! wdiy, don't you know the Duke's coming ? " " Ah, true, I forgot," replied our now somewhat crest-fallen master, wincing at the persecution he felt he would have to undergo. "Well," said he, flopping his broad che!«t with his arms, and stamping to get his feet warm, " I suppose we must wait. It will give Mr. Bunting a chance too, so let's have a run up the hill and see if we can see anytiiing of them." So saying our master started up hill like a stag, followed by several dis- mounted equestrians, who all found running in boots was not (juite so easy as running in shoes. There was no Duke visible, but ^Ir. Ijunting was coughing his way on the Exquisite in a most uncompromising manner. " By Jove, what a cough that horse has got I " muttered Mr. Jessop, thinking he would not like to ride him. He then ran down the other side of the hill, and greeted our hero with a hearty shake of the hand. " I'm sorry your horse doesn't mend of his cold," observed ilr. Jessop, thinking, as he now looked at him, that it would be very odd if he did. "Why, no, he doesn't," replied ]\lr. Bunting, still unwilling to admit that he had been imposed upon. " Well, you've got here, at all events," observed our master ; PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 273 adding, " and I've brought you a horse that can go — ride him just as you h'ke, you know. If you want to go first, you'll follow my whip — if you want to go safe, you'll follow my friend, Mr. Boyston, who knows every gate and gap in the country. By the way," continued he, "let me introduce you to my friend Mr. Boyston," leading Mr. Bunting onward to where the Jug still sat slouching and smoking in the dog-cart. "Boyston !" cried Mr. Jessop, "Boyston ! Let me introduce Mr. Bunting. Mr. Bunting, Mr. Boyston ; Mr. Boyston Mr. Bunting." Whereupon Mr. lioyston showed Mr. Bunting his bristly black head, and Mr, Bunting returned the compliment by uncovering his well tended curls. The acquaintance was then perfected. " I've lieen telling Mr. Bunting," continued Jovey, addressing the Jug, "that you can pilot him safely if he's inclined to put himself under your care." " Xo man safer ! " exclaimed Archey Ellenger, who always liked to throw in his word — adding aside, " and run him to ground in somebody's kitchen " — the Jug and Archy sometimes clashing in their predatory exploits. Mr. Jessop now looked at his watch, and finding it was above half an hour after time, a most unusual circumstance with him, exclaimed at the to]) of his voice, " Does anybody know that the Duke of Tergiversation is coming ? I say, you sir I " addressing the pompous-looking yellow-collared stud groom, " Do you know that the Duke of Tergiversation is coming ? " " Yes, sir, his Grace is coming," replied Mr. Hawkins con- fidently ; " also the Earl of IMarchhare, and His Royal Highness the Imjierial Prince Pirouetteza. These horses are for them," added he, putting his own a little forward, as if to astonish our master with the number and importance of the establishment, " A bonny lot they are," sneered Mr. Archey Ellenger, suffi- ciently loud for Mr. Hawkins to hear ; an observation that was duly reported to Mr, (Uicumber, and entered on the chronicles of the castle. Archey's chance of a dinner there then became ex- tremely small. Ten minutes more elapsed, and as the most patient of even the Duke's men were beginning to wax weary, and to ask IMr. Jessop how long he would wait, the glad word "coming" was heard, which speeding from mouth to mouth, put a little animation into the party, and caused them to make preparations lor a start. They were, however, somewhat i)remature in their movements, for the Duke, treating Mr, Jessop's hounds quite as his own, after the usual lofty salutations were over, his (J race called to Mr, Jessop to bring the hounds up to the carriage for the Prince to inspect. And the Duke's covers being good, and of great use to Mr. Jessop, he had no alternative but to submit with as good a grace as he could, and hear the Duke and the Prince pass their T 274 ri.ATX n i: i: TXa L K TS ? o]>inion upon them. Tlu>y uskrd the name of this hound and of that, thi'ir dams and their sii'cs, tallied of their colour, their size, and thi'ir trencral ajipearaiiee. *' I'retty tails," said the Trince, "tipped wiih pink." At lenj^th the Prinee, thinkintj to say sonu-- (hinir atireeahle to his ]iatically he would not have him — He rod no more Timour de 'I'urtars — dat de had boniped him till he vas sores. And though ls\v. Hawkins tried to cajole him tliat he was only to ride him the iirst part of the run, the Prince absolutely refused to have anything more to do with de Tartar ; cx'claiminir, " Xo, no, get mc anoder horse I get me anoder horse I " So Hawkins was obliged to substitute Rob Roy, who had rather a critical Xqo;,, and required caicful riding, which he was not very likely to get at the hands of the Prince. CHAPTER LII. BRUSHWOOD I5AXK. At length they all got mounted to their liking, Pi'ince, Earl, Duke and all, and his (Jrace having followed up his pretended supremacy by telling ]\Ir. Jessop to draw Brushwood Bank first (which Jovey always did) the cavalcade was formed, hounds lead- ing, the field following in long-drawn file, with a strongish in- clination of sportsmen towards the Prince. That great man was a.s affable as usual, asking a variety of sensil)le questions, and hoping they would exterminate those diabolical foxes, and so give de chickens peace and repose. He seemed to consider it a monstrous grievance that they should be fed upon fowls. Tonguey Thomson supported His Highness' view, and ga\e a variety of instances of Reynard's extravagant housekeeping, such as killing a whole brood of turkeys at once, and helping himself to the earliest lambs, all of which the Prince thought very improper, but could not for the life of him understand why it was necessary to keep so many dogs to kill him— '• Yot for dey didn't get de gon ?" Our hero, ^h\ Bunting, now mounted on the light-mouthed PLAIN OR RINGLETS'^ 275 sprin^ey high - conditioned Pioneer, — so different to the weak flobby animal he had come on, was beset by onr friend Mr. Archey Ellenii'er, who was deh^-hted to find Mr. Bunting had come into the country to hunt, and lioped he would give him the pleasure of liis company to dinner — Friday, Saturday, Sunday, any day he liked. All were alike to Archey, IMr. Bunting would always find fish, joint, aud a pudding at six, and a bottle of Cutler and Ferguson's best. And though ]\[r. Bunting did not think that Mr. EUenger looked a likely man to have a very capital vivnage ; yet, knowing it was not always safe to judge fi'om appearances, after a good deal of pressing he agreed to accept Archey 's hospitality on the Sunday. And, this preliminary arranged, Archey presently scuttled away looking about for some body to meet him. Brushwood Bank stands well in the heath, far from human habitation or trespass, the cover being formed in a sort of copse wood oval scoop, stretching half-way up the south side of Tliorneyburn Hill, to which our master was now approaching. Whichever way a fox goes, he must be viewed by the whole field, a great recommendation to wavering sportsmen — who like to know what they are riding at. Though Mr. Jessop was constantly drawing it, and almost as constantly killing his fox from it, yet such was its attractions that it was seldom or ever without one. The hounds now approached it in a lively sort-of-way as if they knew they would find him. Having been detained long enough at the meet, Mr. Jessop was not going to give his Grace a second chance by halting at the cover side, so trotting up to the accus- tomed corner, he gave the glad pack their liberty, and in they went with an impetus that made the old bushes crackle and bend. " AVhat does he mean by throwing off before we came up ! " ex- claimed the Duke to INIr. Hawkins, who was now riding respect- fully a little behind his Grace. " Don't know, your Grace," replied Mr. Hawkins touching his cap, adding, " shall I ride forward and see ; " but before his Grace could give his commands, a loud sonorous voice was heard exclaiming, " Now, gentlemen, follow me, and don't make a iiow^ ! " It was the voice of the Jug, wlio was comptroller of the field as well as of the household, and in the execution of his duty was now endeavouring to nuister the field in one spot, but it being com- ])osed (jf more unruly elements than usual, the Jug had to repeat his exhortation several times, and even to summons some of the delinquents by name ere he coidd get them to comply with his I'equest. Meanwhile the glad pack has scattered, each taking the line he thinks most likely to lead up his game. Rummagcr, Speedwell, and Valiant push on to where they found hiiu last time without troubling to try the intermediate places. i:7«5 / • /. . I / v ni; i: I .V < . /, /■; ts f ()iu> orack of .Mr. .Icssop's wliij) stoiis tlicir c-arecr, and stnrtk'S old Ui'vimiil, who is reposiiiii; in a most coinforhibie ivt'dy <;rass confli. iiiidor the stmn]) of an old tree. Ivisini;- np and i;ivini: i;iX(; l /•; y s / "Oil, coiuo aloiijj; I" cricil (lie Diiko, luldinir, " wo shall have some fun now that \vc haw tjdt into tho vak','" his (Irace t-vi-iiif,' Black White's nR'ritorioiis oxortioiis to (listiii-fiiisli liiinsrH'. and tliinkiiii,' 1?. W. wasn't sm-h a liail fellow aftiT all. "Oh. tank yon, saro l)nkc, hot lam b(ini])L'(l (.'iiof I " yasped tho cxhansti'd iM'incv, lK>ldii;.n- Ui>l) Uoy hard l»y the head. *• Wtiuld yonr Highness like your other horse ?'' now asks ^Ir. Hawkins, ridinu' np cap in hand, thinkinir the Prince would , a friendly place is quickly found in the hedge, of Avhich the rest avail them- selves. Still there is the river to be negotiated, as they say in the city. Of all the impediments to progi'ess, there is none so im- pervious to friendship. Water is a case in which no man can do anything for another. The only real kindness he can show him is not to break the banks, so as to make matters worse for the last comer than it was for the first. A wall, however high, is generally PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 279 lowered until a donkey might step over it, while a hedge is often laid as flat as a pancake, Init water, nuaccomniodating water, flows on in a careless sort ol" way, that as good as says, You may take me or leave, but you'll get me for nothing less than you see me. Our fox, either emboldened by repeated escapes or iinding the river fuller than he liked, had evidently hesitated about crossing, and after running the green pastures lor three quarters of a mile, took a bold swing to the right, and, passing up Acorn Hill, made across the large enclosures on the high side of the wood. Here, howevei', he was headed. Farmer 8trongstubble was out coursing, and it Avas with great difhculty that his yellow dog Duster was restrained from running into him. As it was, Duster drove the fox so completely off his point, that when the hounds came up they overran the scent, and came to a check at the end of live-and- twenty minutes from the iinding. j\Ir. Jessop saw at a glance what had happened, and, reining m his horse, sat transfixed in his saddle, while the hounds spread like a rocket and made their own cast. The check was lucky, for it enabled J\Iark to drop as it were from the clouds with our master's second horse, who, whipping his horn out of its case, was off one and on to the other in the twinkling of an eye. ^' Info the trood hi/ fJie (jcdc '.'''' now cries Mr. Strongstubble, waving his arm in that direction ; and at a single icltoop Irom our mastei" the hounds rush to the spot to where he has now turned his horse's head, and, catcliiiig the scent, go in with a cry that makes the cover echo, scaring out hares, pigeons, and pheasants, as though they thought the place was on fire. "AVhere have you l)rought him from?" asks Humbolt the Miller, hurrying up to Horneyman, as the latter opens the gate into the wood. " Brushwood Banks ! " cries Horneyman, as he now passes through the gate after his master. The fox has passed straight through the wood, and dashes out into the green field below, just as tlie now red-hot Jug rides his detachment to the point at the low end of tiic cover. The Jug views him, and stopping his horse, holds up his hand as a signal to those behind to do the same. Out then pour the bristling pack, and Mr. Jessop, being now on a fresh horse, breaks the \vood-fence for his followers. Away they all sti'ive up the rich alluvial soil of the valley in much the same form as before. Tl:e Jug's ])arty join on, and there are still some twenty horsemen in all. The number, however, is now about to be reduced. Mr. Ravenhiirs keeper is out shooting, and meeting the Ibx full in the face, decides him to cross the river in hopes of better luek on the other side. So he just drops down the sandy willowy bank, and, afcer a swim, is pi'esently crawling up and shaking himself on the 0))posite one. The cry of the hounds is too full to admit of much L'S(» I'LAix (>i: i;i xc Lirrs? ilaiulyisiu, iiiul ho tmts on, liiiIiU'iiin«,' liiinsclf of the water as lie iToes. The hounds turn as short as the fox, and there is presently a rare splashiui: and scrainhlintj: and strivini,^ in the water. Out tlieyiroon the opposite l»ank,aud Freeman and KesoUitc proclaini- iuLT the line with niunistakeahle einpliasis, the rest scored to cry and went away as hard as befoiv. Tiien came the ])erple.\ity of the lield — the splashing; of the hounds cooUni,^ the courage of many liehiiul. .Mr. .lessoji cocked up his leus and went over just where the liounds did followed by both his whips and Lord .Marcii- harc : but ^Ir. Hlack AVhite (who was now nearly all black with his fall) thought there was a better place higher uj), and Colonel Xettlestcad said the same. So they tn^tted on to look for it. " Now Juii' ! " exclaimed Archey Ellen,- MR. THOMAS ItOYSTI !2S2 / • /. .1 1 .\ <>i: i:i y < ; 1. 1: ts ? onliT, with, al I lie saiili' tiiiu-, a sort nf crionpore air- IJowdcroiikiiis ol"t*Mi (ItiuaiHliiiir ill a loud and aiidililc voici' fV- at the trouble of apjiraising themselves — the world does it for them, and, c'e style, with neat lattice windows peeping out of the heather-thatched roof, and a green verandah encircling the whole ; the pillars plentifully en- twined with roses and flowei'ing shrubs. It stood at the bottom of a little round Hassock's heath-like hill, on whose rock-rugged sides Spruce, Soctch firs, and ferns flourished with healthy vigour, as though they wished no better place. Bowdey had planned the house himself, and if it lacked some of the comforts that a scientific architect would have given it, Bowdey had the satisfaction of knowing that he had saved said architect's fees, and was entitled to the credit of all the commendation that was lavished upon it. In truth, Bowdey had rather sacrificed comfort, to a])i)earanccs, for though the receiving-rooms, library, drawing, and dining-room en suite, were good, the bed rooms at either end of the house were only so so, and liable to the intrusion of beetles, earwigs, and other undesirable insects. To be such a fat, comfortable-looking man, Mr. Bowderoukius PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 283 was a, desperate fitlp;et, always lookinu; at his ■\vatcli, always dread- ing to be late, always Tearing people were not going to arrive. On his grand company days he Avas more than nsually fidgetty, wondering why Paul didn't lay the cloth, wondering why Mrs. Em])Son the cook didn't put down the meat, fearing lest the fish mightn't come, or the tea-cakes bo late. He was always a good hour in advance of the day ; and instead of running after tune, was always hurrying other people up to it. If Bowdey had had to cook the dinner and wait as well, he could not have been in a greater stew ; whereas all he had to do was to sit (juietly in his easy ann-chair, exclaiming at intervals, "What have you got THi':uE, Mistress JjOWDKROUKrxs ?" and so on to the end of the shoi't dialogue approjiriated to the piece. Country hospitality being regulated a good deal by the moon, it so haj^pcned that wha' in the hunting calendar would be called the "Hassocks hill day." had been fixed upon by our friends (if they will allow us to call them so) for the usual quarterly display of ])l;ite, linen, and china ; and after the usual amount of pre- varication, for people can fib in the country almost as well as they can in the towns, a full table full of guests had been engaged to assist at the demolition of a tnrbot, a Yorkshire pie, a Norfolk turkey hung iu Dorking sausages, and other delicacies too numerous to insert in anything but a cookery book, all of which had given our host and hostess an amazing amount of trouble to get and ])repare. As the time approached, the excitement became more intense ; so much so indeed that, on the day of the great event, Bowderoukins could neither settle to his paper, nor his books, nor yet to that last solace of all — the contemplation cf his accounts. He was iu and out, backwards and forwards, here, there, and everywhere. Being a man of pro — o — perty (eighteen acres in a ring-fence), Bowderoukins of course patronised tlie chase. We don't mean to say that he piled his fat self on a saddle ; for, iu truth, he was too washbally for riding, but he talked affably about hunting, hoped the red-coats he met had had good sport, said he sup])osed Mr. Jovey Jessop had a good set of dogs that year, hoped foxes were plentiful, and so on. Now it so happened that, in order to allay the fever of excitement, and perha[)s [)revent himself committing an assault, he took frequent ti'ots down to the green gate at the end of the little cur\'ed drive opening upon the Kelvingdon and Hassocks heath road, and, as luck would have it on the third excursion, just as he was rubl)ing his nose on his hand as he leant with his arm on the up]»ermost rail, who should come riding along but the Jug and oui' iiero Mr. Jiunting. " Holloa ! Mr. I>oyston ! " exclaimed Mr. Bowdt'roukins to old hot boots, " How are you ?" opening the gate and going out to greet him as Boyston came up. Then seeing a stranger, Jjowdey L*H4 /•/. I /.v i>i; i: I .\<; i.irrs ; \ix\\v Hnnlini^a full \if\v of liis hir^c bald tiiiiiip-sliapctl licad, by raisiui; liis mn-i'ii-ltrimiiu'd dial) wiik'-a-uakc lial to liim. '* \Vrll. and what sport lia\f you had?" asked Ik\ as Sdoii as Mr. UuutiiiLis faj> was ii'stdrnl to his head. *' Oh, viMT L^ood, at Irast, viTV fair, niiddlint: — that is to say," niuttiMvd UoystoiK in the indistinct sort of way of a man who has lost tlu' liounds. •* Killod I "' asked 15owden>ukins, who coiii-idcrcd killing- the real rritcrion of sport. In shootinjj he knew that liittinn- was ovcrythiuii'. " Yes, no, yes, can't 'zactly tell," replied Boyston : "the fact is, the hounds (conirh). the river (hem), the hills (hum) — you couldn't Lrive us a irlass of ale. could you ': " ** By all means," replied i\Ir. Bowderoukins ; *\ of wine in a morniui:' if it was ever so." •' AVcll, but p'raps your friend will." replied the hospitable IMr. i>owderoukins, lookinir at ,Mr. liuntiiig as he now opened the irreen i: i:i\i;ri:TSf ini: ohsiTvatidiis on tlio hi'iiuty of his J)1.'vcl' wt ro wliolly lost in consitlcrini; wlmt lie should (111 with his jjfiK'sts — where he should put them — what he should uive theui ; above all, how he slnnild «;et rid of them. Mc:inwhile the old .Iu>; trudged on in his usual stolid way — his whip under his arm. his haiuls behind his back, and the accumulated mud of the day clusteriu.::; on his boots. How Howderoukins shuddered as he looked at them. "Uiducky man, that he was I What the deuce sent him down to the j^ate I Why didn't he let thorn pass." The trio were now, however, airuin at the door, which Paul had left open, as if expecting a return : and our fn*eatly perturbed host made a last desperate "tfort to get rid of them by saying, " AVill you have your ale liere ? get it in a minute I you know," — looking as if he would run for it himself. *' May as well go in, now that we have got oil" our horses," replieil the Jug, stumping into the passage, and taking off his hat, he stuck his whip in his coat-pocket, in a quite-at-home sort of way. Mr. Uunting followed on. and there was then no help for it. A rapid retrospect made Howderoukins resolve to brave it out in the dining-room, hoping that the sight of coining company might act as a hint to tlie strangers not to stay. So he threw open the door, and in they walked. " Hinnpli, dinner party, have you ? " observed the Jug, looking at the long table ; " thought I smelt soup — dessay you could let us liave a basin — just th.e thing for this time of day." •* By all means," rejilied the disconcerted Bowderoukins, adding, " I'll go and see after it mvself, in order that you may nob be detained." So saying, he hurried out of the rooni and nearly upset ^Irs. Bowderoukins, who was listening at the key-hole. " Oh, Bowderoukins I Bowderoukins ! " whispered she, with ill- suppressed anger, as she followed him hastily along the passage — "how roidd you ever do such a thing — how are we to manage matters ? What possible occasion was there for you to bring in these hungry fox-hunters ? fox-hunters ! of all men the most rapacious 1 *' '* My dear, I didn't bring them in," whispered Bowdey, turning short upon her ; " they invited themselves — didn't you hear them asking for soup ? " " Soup, my dear, they can't have soup ! There's only just as much as will serve the party." " The deuce ! " exclaimed Mr, Bowderoukins, perplexed beyond measure. " AVhat can they have then ? " ••' I'm sure I don't know," replied Mrs. Bowderoukins. " There's stewed pears, or cheese-cakes, or tartlets, or something of that sort." " Oh, stewed pears or tartlets will do nothing for fox-hunters," snapped ^Ir. Bowderoukins ; " must be meat of some sort — do let PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 287 us get them something and set tlicm away as soon as we can, or they will assuredly drive us into a fix with our dinner." " I feel that they'll do that as it is," whined Mrs. Bowderoukins, " and I'm sure there's no occasion for any mismanagement with Mrs. Tom Tucker coming. Don't you remember how she quizzed Mrs. Frogbrook, and talked of Mrs. Dixey and her doings ? " The name of Tucker seemed to exasperate Bowderoukins, who, dashing at a fine Stilton cheese as it now stood up to its chin in a clean damask napkin, hurried away with it, calling to Paul to put on his coat and follow with a loaf of bread and some l)eer as quickly as possible. When Mr. Bowderoukins returned to the dining-room, he found the Jug sitting with his back to the fire, resting his great heavy head on his arm on the top of the chair, which he had turned round for the purpose, with a pcrfeiit shower of mud under each distended leg on the smart Turkey carpet. " Here ! " exclaimed Bowderoukins, with ill-counterfeited glee, holding the cheese high above his head, " I know you fox-hunters don't like to be kept waiting, so I've brought you the first thing I could lay hold of," placing the cheese on the table just opposite the Jug as he spoke. ''Humph/ Cheese is it," observed the Jug, carelessly; "I thought you said soup." "The soup wouldn't be ready tliis half-hour," replied Mr. Bowderoukins, "and I thought you would like to be doing." " Oh, why, we're in no hurry for that matter," drawled the Jug — "don't dine till six thirty; however, as the cheese has come, we may as well attack it," continued he, advancing his chair a little as he sat, to the great detriment of the joints. He then di^■ed deeply into the cheese, and, having helped himself plenti- fully, pushed it along to Mr. Bunting. The bread and beer then appeared. Jlimr//, mimch, munch, now went the Jug, in the steady deliberate sort of way in which he did everything. Munch., munch, munch, continued he, to the evident horror of his host. " Have a little ale," suggested Mr. Bowderoukins, slightly elevating his tenpenny — pointing to the Ibaming tankard as he spoke. " Presently," replied the Jug, without taking his eyes off the cheese. " Deuce take the fellow," inwardly growled Mr. Bowderoukins, wishing he had never seen his great red face. Munch, munch, munch, went the leisurely Jug as before. " N(jw I'll have a little," at last said the Jug, looking up and holding his glass out to be filled. " With ])l('asure," replied Mi*. Bowderoukins, pouring him out a bumper, which the Jug disposed of at a draught. •JSS /'/. I/.V ni; /;/ .\ », /. /v'/'N.' '• Not very stmiiL;/' olisiTved Ik-, sL'ttinu; I la- lilass ukiiis ranu; the hell vehemently. " Bottle of ale, Paul I " exelainied he, as the linitnian entered, *' Yes, sir," said the man-boy, retiring!,'. "Quirky exclaimed Bowdcronkins, addinj;, "the uentlemen are in a hnrry.'' " Xo, we're not," replied the Jng, again attacking; the cheese. The Bass was a good deal better than the beer, and the Jug, havinir swigged otfa glass, said he felt all the better for it. " Have another ! " exclaimed his host, holding up the l)ottle. '* Presently,'" replied the .lug, returning to his cheese. " (>h, Bowdemukins, Bowderoukins, what a goothe yon are," lisped his agonised wife, who had now returned to her listening- place at the door. *' However is a dinner to be served nndei^such circumstances r " Meanwhile the phlegmatic .lug jogged on with his cheese with his usual stolid vacancy, Mr. Bunting only eating for conformity. At length the Jug's appetite was apparently appeased, and having drained the bottle of Bass, he rose from his seat, and taking a coat-lap under each arm, proceeded to warm himself before the fire. Having duly sucked his teeth and made all sorts of incoherent noises with his month, he began to take a vacant .survey of the room, the ceiling, the pictures, the sideboard, &c. As ill-luck would have it, there was a bottle of sherry on the latter, minus a couple of glasses that !Mrs. Bowderoukins had just extracted for the mock-turtle soup ; and the Jug, having made a good steady point at it from where he stood, at length said, " Is that slierry ? " nodding at the bottle as he spoke. "•.She — she — sherry I " ejaculated Mr. Bowderoukins; "no, b — b — brandy," thinking to choke the Jug olt". *' Ah, well, brandy will do as well," observed the Jug, carelessly taking a wine-glass from beside him and trudging round the long table to where the bottle stood on the sideboard. He then poured himself out a glass, and, after smelling at the contents, drank it off with a gulp, "Brandy!" exclaimed he, smacking his great thick hps ; " brandy ! sheny, I should say, not bad either. Have a glass, Bunting," continued he, appealing to our friend as he approached him with the bottle. " Oh dear I oh dear ! this will never do," mused ^Irs. Bow- deroukins, who overheard the movement and observation from where she stood. " I must make a desperate effort to get rid of them ; " so saying, she rose and hurried away to Paul's pantry, who was now putting the last polish on to the plate. " Go into PLAIN Oil RINGLETS? im' the dininp--room — not as if from me, you know," said she, sotto voce — " and ask the gentlemen if they -would like to have their horses round." "Yes, ^Iiini," replied Paul, taking down the blue red-edged livery-coat from the peg Ijehind the door and wriggling himself Now I M, IIAVI into it as he went. He opened the dining-room door noiselessly, and, gliding in, addressing Mr. Boyston, said, "Please, sir, would you like to have your hosses round, sir ? " "Presently," replied tlie Jug — "presently," pouring liimsclf out another glass of sherry, and resuming his backward seat on the chair before the fire, with a bottle full before him. •j'.x) rLAjy i>i: j:im;li:ts? "That's (Jortlon's (Juldoii, I slmuld stiy," (il)servL'il tlic .Iiiir, smnckinu: liis lips, luul lookinir at the iidw iliininislit'd (juantity. •*N(». Christuitlicr's," replied ^Ir. rxtwdcmukins. "CliristojilKT's, is it ? " ivpliod the Ju^', takinu' aiiotlicr filass, as if to satisfy liiinsrlf on the ]Miint. " Ciiristophir's, in (Ireat Coram Street — I know liim," continued lie, drinkini^ the wine oil". " Very jiood it is," added the .Inpf. nursinjj his ulass on his knet — \vith the evident view of replenishiuLi- it. "You haven't sueh a thing as a l)iseuit in the house, have you ?" asked he, addressing ^Ir. iiitwderoukins. "Diseuit," gasped Bowderoukins — thinking his guests would never go — " biscuit ! " repeated he, " Yes, 1 dare say I have," ringing the bell as he spoke. Great was ^Mrs. Bowderoukins's horror wl.cn she found the summons was not for the liorses. At tirst she declared there were no biscuits, although she had a whole bag-full in the store-room, then considering the voracious fox-hunters might demand some- thing else, she determined to give them some biscuits, and tell Paul to make another announcement about the horses, so, getting a plate, she put a coujjle of biscuits upon it, and desired Baul to let the gentlemen know their horses had done their gruel. " Done, have they ? " replied the .lug carelessly, helping himself to a biscuit — " done, have they — well, then, give them each a feed of corn " — stretching his arm out again for the bottle as he spoke. The Jug then looked first at one great 1)00t, and then at the other, and finally cocking up his heels, began jingling his spur against the French-jDolished chair-legs, with his glass on his knee, and a steady eye on the Ijottle. Thus he continued for some minutes, ]I\Ir. Bunting and his host mutually wishing he would go. ^Mrs. Bowderoukins, like all people away from the absolute scene of action, was doubly solicitous, imagining ail sorts of misfortunes ; now that they would upset the bottle all down the fine pheasant-patterned table- cloth, now that they would all get drunk together, now that the Jug would catch the cloth with his spur, and drag the whole contents of the table on to the floor — candelabra, candlesticks, china-vases, wax-flowers, and all. At length she could contain herself no longer, and, summoning Paul again, she desired him to go into the dining-room and tell the gentlemen their horses were quite ready. " Please, sir, your horses are quite ready," said Paul, addressing the Jug, who had just helped himself to another bumper of wine. " Oh, Paul I Paul ! why persecutest thou me ! " exclaimed the Jug peevishly, amidst the mirth of the party at his unwonted ex- plosion. It was now clearly a case of " finish the bottle ; " so Mr. Bow- deroukins, changing his tactics, directed his exertions that way. PLAIN OR BINGLETS? 291 *' Help yonrself ! " exclaimed he gaily, as the Jug safc nursing his glass on his knee ; " I'm afraid you don't like the wine." " Oh, yes I do," replied the Jug : " the wine's good wiue." " It is good wine," assented ]Mr. Bowderoukins, " the best I can buy." The Jug then showed his appreciation of it by taking another glass. The wine presently approached the bottom of the bottle ; and Mr. Bouderoukins, determining not to be inveigled into a second bottle, seized an empty glass, and helping himself to a small quantity of wine, held the glass up, saying, " Well, sir, I'll give you our next merry meeting ! " "Our next merry meeting," growled the Jug, in his usual lugubrious accents. Having quaflt'ed oif the glass, he sat a few seconds with it on his knee, as. if to be sure there was no more wine coming. Mr. Bunting, who had noticed their host's perturbation, now came to the rescue by saying, he supposed they had better be going. " Well, I suppose we had," replied the Jug, rising and sliaking the further dried mud off his boots as he set down the glass on the table. " Will you go to the stable or have the horses brought to the •door ? " now asked ]Mr. Bowderoukins. " j\Iay as well have them to the door," replied the Jug, who didn't like trouble. " I'll go and send them round, then," said Mr. Bowderoukins, hurrying out of the room, and communicating the glad intelli- gence to his half-frantic wife that they were going at last. " Have a weed ? " now asked the Jug, diving into his breast- pocket and producing a greasy old Russia leather cigar-case as he spoke, and offering the cTioice of a row of cigars to our friend. " Thanks," replied Mr. Bunting, helping himself to one, adding, "we mustn't smoke here, though, I suppose ? " " Oh, yes," rejoined the Jug, taking a cedar match out of the bronze stand on the black mai'ble mantel-piece and applying it to the fire. "These things are meant to light them with," said he ; so saying, he used one for the purpose, and putting it to the cigar, presently raised a good cloud of smoke. " Gwacious goodness, they're smoking, I do believe ! " ex- claimed Mrs. Bowderoukins, who had the greatest horror of tobacco, and knew that Mrs. Tom Tucker had too. " Oh, Bowdey, Bowdey, run and hui-ry them with their horses, or they'll make the whole house reek like a tenth-rate tavern." Whereupon Bowderoukins crowned himself again with his drab wide awake, and rushed frantically up to the stable just as the Jug's horse put his head out of the door. " Quick, Paul, quick ! " cried he to the footman who had charge of it, " the 2 u 2tL* /'/..i/.v ('/; inyci.irrs: irentii'iiu'ii air ill a liiirrv to \>v nil' I — the ij:tMitU'iii(.'ii arc in a liurrv to 1)0 oil" :" Hut wlu'ii Paul, followrtl by Dick llarwood, the jtotLrriiiu' man (•fall work, Imrrii'd into the riiijj; before the house they eansed no correspondinijf ai-tivity in the jiarlonr Avithin, for the .lui,^ just. Went on putlinjr luid blowing dense clouds of smoke above and ai-onnd his «rreat Hery face. ** IKti-ses are come ! horses are come I " exclaimed Bow- deronkins, openim,^ the diiiinii-room door, as if to pi'oniotc the egress of his guests. (Pufl') '• I see," (pufl") said the .lug, staring vacantly at tlien\ through the window, and resuming his cigar. " Can I lend you a ]\rackintosh, a paletot, or an overcoat of any sort ?" now asked !Mr. l>owderoukins. still standing at the open door. "• Xo, (jiulf) I'll (puff) as I am," replied the .lug, emitting a voluminous cloud over his great red face. " "Well, then, let us be off,'' said ^Ir. Bunting, who really began to feel ashamed of his friend. " Off, (puff) off : " replied the Jug ; " why, I've been (puffing) for you." "The deuce you have," said ^Ir. Bunting ; " J wish I'd known that before ; " adding, " come, then, let's go." The Jug then dived into his coat pockets, and fishing up first a pair of old dog-skin gloves, and then a pair of dirty white mits, proceeded to thrust his hands and wrists in them. That feat being accomplished, he then looked leisurely at llilr. Bunting and said, "Now I'm your (puff") man." '• Bye old (puff) boy," said the .Jug, now advancing and tender- ing a fat gloved hand to his host. " Good bye," exclaimed the emancipated JJowdey, grasping it fervidly. "I'll (puff) in upon you again the first time I'm (puffing) this way," observed the Jug. " Do I " exclaimed ^Ir. Bowderoukins, again shaking him heartily by the hand, thinking the Jug would be very sly if he got in. Jlr. Bunting then tendered his adieus ; and proceeding to the door, the .Jug got his horse punched as close up to the step as he could, to enable him to mount with as little trouble as possible ; and having gained the saddle he drew rein, and feeling him gently with his spur passed on to let !Mr. Bunting mount the same way. That done, the two red-coated gentlemen sauntered away, leaving 'Mr. and Mrs. Bowderoukins eyeing and objurgating them from the dining-room window. " "Was there ever such a man as that Mr. Boyston ! " exclaimed !Mr6. Bowderoukins, from behind the window curtain ; " was PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 293 there ever such a man as that Mr. Boystoii ! He"s made the place smell like a pot-house. "Wonder you let them in, blister Bowderoukins," added she, shaking- with vexation. " Couldn't keep them out, my dear, couldn't keep them out," replied Mr. Bowderoukins, soothingly ; " fox-hunters, you know, will he in. It's the red coat that does it — it's the red coat that does it." '• Oh fiddki ! I've no notion of anything of the sort. I don't see why they should have the run of one's house any more than soldiers or sailors or other way-faring people." The rising dialogue was here interrupted by a horse's nose, with a silver crest (a star fish) flopping over its forehead, suddenly rounding the laurel clump of the drive, causing the now terrihed Mr. Bowderoukins to ejaculate, "What have we got here. Mistress Bowderoukins ?" " Oh, gwacious goodness ! it's ]\Irs. IMitchison. That unhappy woman's clock is always half an hour fast." So saying, she I'ushed out of the room, and hurried up stairs to arrange her ioilettc, amid the clamorous peal of the door-l)ell — strange servants always making a point of pulling as hard as they can. And ere ]Mrs. Bowderoukins got her best bil) and tucker on, another peal somided furiously through the house, another and another letting down of steps was heard, another and another slamming to of doors and grinding away to the back premises. ]\Ir. and ]\Irs. Bowderoukins were both in extremis. Bowdey couldn't And his best blue Saxony coat, or Mrs. Roukins her cameo bracelet or cashmere shawl. At length, after almost super- human exertions, they accomplished their respective programmes, and came smiling into the drawing-room, full of apologies to the now grinning l)ut lately groaning guests for not being ready to receive them. " The fact was, some fox-hunting friends had dropped in and ra-a-ther detained them. But they hoped," &q. And then the conversation took a fox-hunting turn. " Did Mr. Bowderoukins hunt ? " " No, ]\rr. Bowderoukins didn't hunt — had given it up — used to be very fond of it ; " most people thinking it necessary to pay hunting the compliment of pretending they liked it once. Then the door-bell rang again furiously — more company coming ■ — the dread Mrs. Tucker this time, followed (juickly by the Bondells and the Holleydales, and, lastly, the Freemans, wlio brought young ]Mr. Shuttleworth, who was suitoriug Miss Harriet, instead of papa, who had got a twinge of the gout. And when the conversation, which became rather languid, had got cherished up into a pretty good cry, dinner was announced ; and after a little backing and l)owing, and " you-before-me-ing," the guests, Mr. Shuttleworth nnd ]Miss Harriet included, all got arranged in pretty good order in the tobacco-smelling dining-ronni, the scent 294 I'LAIX ni: /.' / .V ( .' L 11 TS ! of whicli, liowcvcr, was forjijotteu on tlic second explosion of the popular sparking boverajrc. So till' lunch and the dinner did not clash after all. a!i aii- noiinceiucnt that we are sure will irive great satisfactioa to our housekeeping readers, and encourage them to he generous to the; old fox-lumting dugs, whose name in some countries Le(;io.\ ! IS CHAPTER IJV. APPLETOX HALL. 5Ir. Jovey Jessop was right when he said the Jug knew every gate and gap in the country, for no sooner had Mr. JJuutiug and he got clear of Mr, Bowderoukins's premises than the Jug stopped short at the corner of a grass field, and, fishing a furze-busli out of the hedge with the handle of his hunting-whip, put his horse at the now open place, saying to ^Ir. Bunting as he rose it, " ^fay as well go over here." Mr. Bunting then followed his leader's example, and the two were presently sailing over the sound sward of an old pasture, the horses cantering gaily together over the high ridge and furrow. Though there was no apparent way out, the Jug sat leisurely on his horse as if in the full confidence of a comfortable exit, and, making for the cattle shed at the end, he passed at the back of it, and pulling out a rail that had been interlaced with the quickset fence, hopped over the lower one and was again upon gTass. "Needn't mind putting it in again," observed he, looking back at Mr. Bunting, " there are no stock in either field ; " so saying, the Jug again slouched in his saddle, and went cantering away to a good blue gate opening upon the Farmanby and Oxmanfield road. That gained, he kept its coui'se for some three hundred yards, when again stopping short the Jug brushed through a weak place in the adjoining hedge and was again on turf. He was now upon Mr. HoUamby's farm, with its trim hedges, piped ditches, and self-shutting gates, which being sped over, a short divergence over all that now remains of the once wide-stretching Scrubbiug- ton Common brought them to the locked iron gates of Flowerdale Lodge. " ^lust be through here," oljserved the Jug to his companion, " cuts off three-quarters of a mile. Holloa, gate ! gate ! " roared he, rising in his stirrups, and pretending to be in a desperate hurry. " Look sharp, woman I look sharp I " now cried he, as old Peggy Porringer the custodian came toddling along to take a PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 295 survey tlirongli the bars of the barrier. "Look sharp, Wiiuiau ! look sharp," repeated he, " the hounds are running ! the hounds are running ! and we shall be left immeasurably in the lurch ! " Seeiug red coats, Peggy unlocked and opened the gates, and the Jug, followed by j\Ir. Bunting, spurring his horse, passed through, and the two went cantering up the avenue as far as the Lodge commanded a view of the line. " j\Iay take it easy now," observed the Jug, pulling up ; addnig, " there are no locked gates at the other end, and if they won't let us keep the road, I know a way through the fields." So saying,. he relaxed into a gentle trot, and passing unchallenged at the back of the gardens, passed the keeper's lodge, and out at the saw- mill on the Sunburry road. This line they kept for some dis- tance, till at length a once white wicket, between rather ornamental stone posts at the low end of a belt of beech, an- nounced a change of scene ; and the Jug, pushing the unlatched gate open with his toe, turned his willing horse to it, who entered of its own accord. " What place is this ? " now asked our hero, fearing they were going to commit another trespass. " All right," replied the Jug, " all right ; " adding, " this is Appleton." " Appleton, is it," rejoined Mr. Bunting, as a glorious sunset illuminated the many windows of a large stone mansion. " Ap- pleton, is it ; it's a very fine place. Tell me," added he, " is Mr. Jessop married ? " " Married, no ! hadn't need," replied the Jug, laughing. Mr. Bunting looked confused. " Not that I mean to say anything disrespectful of matrimony," observed the Jug, apologetically ; " only I mean to say that Appleton wouldn't quite suit a lady." " Indeed," replied Islv. Bunting, adding, " Why not ? It's large enough at all events, and nobody ever saw a house that was too large for a lady." " Large enough," said the Jug, looking at it; "large enough, only there's no furniture in it." " Oh, indeed," smiled Mr. Bunting, adding, " tliat's rather against it ; but how do ]\Ir. Jessop and you manage then ? " "0 we just knock on the best way we can. Jessop don't care for finery ; no more do I ; so we get on well enough — the stables are good, and so is the eating and drinking ; and, between our- selves, I'm not sure but that dinners are (juite as comfortable without the ladies, for you see they have all dined beforehand, and only come to show their clothes and talk and interrupt one in one's eating." "AVell, but they hel]) to jiass the e\ening ]y.easantly at all events," observed Mr. JSuuLing. •J'.u; / ■ /. .1 / .V t> i: i: i \ < ; l /•; rs ! •■ (^h. liavo tbi'in in the cviiiiiii,^ if you liko," ivjoiiu'd the .Tiijif ; '• h:ive thi'in in the rvniinir if yoii like — they aiv all vory well in the ovi'iiini; ; tlu-ii tht-y can spivail tlu'ir siils and slinw otf, hul when thoy aiv jainnicil and craninK'd under a diniKr-tal)lc there is nothin^r for thcin hut to poke one with questions and jiut one out of one's stride, with one's soup, or one's lish, or one's some- thini;." A nearer approaeli of our horsemen to the mansion now hc,ii;an to show the imperfections of tlie place. There was a sad want of maintenance about it — patched roofs, ineflicient sponts, lirokcn rails, restive gates, and hlotcliy, hlistery doors. Some houses in the country let as soon as they become vacant, others will not let at all. Of this latter description was Appleton Hall — it infested the country pajiers till everybody was tired of seciuij it. Ajtpleton Hall with its spacious ])ark and l)eautiful pleasure-grounds— Appleton Hall with its pineries and vineries — Appleton Hall with its sporting attractions. It had tried its luck as a ladies' school, also as a nunnery, and a cold-water-cure establishment, and had signally i'aded in all — each succeeding occupant leaving tlie house worse than he found it, the cold-water- cure gentleman being generally supposed to have stolen the leal oif the roof. "When a house gets to this deploral)le state there is nothing for it but either to let it tumble down or to let it off in tenements ; and there not being suflicieut population about Appleton for the latter purpose, the owner was extremely glad to close with Mr. Jovey Jessop's offer of doing the necessary repairs on condition of sitting rent ft-ee. So Mr. Jessop did u]) the stables, converted the coach-house into a kennel, the vinery into a shoe-house, the pinery into a saddle-room, restored the lost lead to the roof of the Hall, and made the premises water-tight generally. As, however, the owner expected to return to it every year himself, as indeed he had been expecting for the last twenty years, of course Mr. Jessop did not do more to it than was absolutely necessary, either inside or out. And now let us suppose our friends to have disposed of their horses at the stable, and let us get them out of the cold night-air into the more comfortable atmosj>liere of the mansion. The Jug being a short-cut man generally now piloted our irieud the back way instead of leading him round to the Coi'inthian column- porticoed door, and across the lofty l)lack and white marble-flagged entrance hall of the house, '-ril show you the way," said he, stumping along, occasionally meeting a man or a maid, who halted and stood respectfully aside to let the great guns pass. Traversing a cocoa-nut-matLed passage, a genial glow of warmth from an open door shone upon them, and the Jug, now stopping, bowed Mr. Bunting into his bed-room. It was not a sumptuously PLAIN OR IIIXULETS^ 297 furnished apartment — indcd it contained little beyond the absolute requirements of life, save an oil-painting of Boyston Hall, with the meet of Lord Simnkerley's hounds on the lawn, :above the mantelpiece, which the Juu- used to sit and contemplate iis he smoked his cigar, wondering if he would ever return to live at it again. His bed was a common stump one, very near the ground (for he was in the habit of tumbling out), two buff and •green painted rush-bottomed chairs, a cream-coloured chest of drawers picked out with black, on the to}) of which stood the Jug's Sunday hat, his other pair of hot-tops, also the redoubtable jacks, that looked as if they might be applied to any purpose. On a common deal clothes-horse near the now blazing wood and •coal fire were clean flannels and linen, and somewhat soiled nankin pantaloons, with very roomy dress-shoes and a pair of much-faded worsted-worked slippers in front. Here, too, was the s'emnant of a hearth-rug, with many holes in the middle, but whose texture was softer to the feet than the cocoa-nut-matting, ■with which the rest of the room was supplied. Before the TLinpainted washhand-stand, with its solitary white jug and basin, was the hide of our friend's once famous bay horse Dreadnought ; but beyond the jug and basin and a water-bottle there Avas no bath or other symptom of enlarged lavement, the Jug, in truth, not being a great advocate for water. " We don't sacrifice much to the (iraces here," observed the Jug, as Mr. Bunting now approached his unshrouded toilette- table, with its shilling comb, its black bristly eighteen-penny brush, and its sixpenny pot of hard-featured pomatum, to have a look at himself in the glass. '* We don't sacrifice much to the Graces," said he, "for we don't see the use of men dressing up smart to captivate each other ; and though this is what they call ji furnished house, there is in reality very little furniture in it. J was obliged to buy my own boot-jack," continued he, taking up a rather smart folding mahogany one ; adding, •' by the way, if your boots don't come off easily, I'll be happy to lend you it, for .Jessop can kick his off flying, and says everybody should be able to do the same, so there isn't another in the house. It's rather a neat article," continued he, folding it up and showing it to Mr. Bunting — " French polished, brass hinges, steel screws — cost two shillings. Don't know a greater nuisance than pulling off one's l)Oots with one's toes and kicking one's nails Avith one's heels. Bat come," continued he, laying the boot-jack on the dressing- table, "won't you be seated ? " pointing to his American rocking- chair, in which he dozed away life in anticipations of the future. '• Tliaidc you," replied Mr. Bunting, now returning and seating himself on the high green fender l)efore the fire. " You keep good fires here," observed he, as the warintli shot through him summarily. 2118 I'l.AIX ni: lUXULKTS? " Capital," saiil tlio .Iui: m m; LETS f l^ooiical I'lViisioiis as well of tin- si-liool ^irls as dftlii' nuns, and the l>ationts of {\\v i-ultl-watrr-ciiro doctor who stole the lead, while sundry heads and liieroirlvphics exhihited a luiniitifnl ignorance of the art of drauinjr. ('oeoa-nnt-inatting was still the order of the day — cocoa-nut-maitini:' up the stairs, cocoa-nut-mattin,<;alon<;- the corridor, cocoa-nnt-niats before the doors. A hnrryinii-out liouseraaid Ivariui: the last puttintr-to-riirhts emblems in her arms i: nixcLETsr scarcely know tlio fonntT, as he iidw stouil iu the usual l>ritisli oaso-before-clcjjjnncc style warniitiu; himself at the Maziut;- lire. Neither would Mr. iJuntiujj: have reci»,irniscd the Jufj^ in his clerical costumed upper hall", Imt lor the notorious nankins below. ^Ir. Jessop, we may state, did not atlVcfc a dress-uniform, not wish- ing; to promote the jjrowth of cock-tails in the country. His theory was, that no man should be allowed to ride iu scarlet who had not first ridden three seasons iu black, an arrangement that lie thoutrht would be greatly productive of sport, Ibr very few men, he observed, entered a fourth season — so that all their mischief was confined to the three years, which in all probability they would not take if they were not allowed to ride in red. So he always set the example of dressing quite p)lainly, not even wearing a hunt-button of an evening, and now, if he had been felt, he would have been found to be enveloped in black tweed, all exce])t a cloth coat and black silk cravat. Making way for ^Ir. Buntiug at the fire, as he advanced up the room, Mr. Jessop hoped he had found all he wanted iu his bed- room, adding, that as it was not a very sumptuously furnished house, he begged he would ring, or rather call for whatever was deficient ; whereupon ^Ir. Bunting assured him there was every requirement, since his good friend Mr. Boyston liad been good enough to lend him his boot-jack, which, he informed the owner, he had put safely into the drawer as requested : whereupon Mr. Jessop laughed, and said Boyston was very particular about his boot-jack, and had once nearly lost it Ijy lending it to a friend. He then turned the conversation upon the more agreeable topic of dinner, asking Mr. Bunting if he was ready for his, whereupon Mr. Jessop made the grand announcement, that it was the rule of the house never to wait for anyone, adding, that it was wonderful what an effect it had in procuring punctuality. The Jug then hauled a great turnip of a watch out of his nankin-trousered fol» liy the big sealed jack-chain to which it was attached, and first putting it to his ear, to be sure it was going, which was not always the case, the Jug sometimes forgetting to wind it up, he said it only wanted seven minutes to dinner. " They'll all come in a rush," observed ]\Ir. Jessop. " Wheeler brings Lightfoot, and Langford brings Daintry." "When Mr. Bunting now thinking it was as cheap sitting as standing, advanced towards a scanty line of bird's-eye maple chairs ranged against the wall, from which he drew one, to brmg to the fire. "Stop half a minute !" cried Mr. Jessop, darting forward — " stop half a minute I " adding, " let's see that that chair will carry you, for its move than all the chairs in this room will do : " adding, " if you'd seen old Archey Ellenger go down, cup of coffee in hand, the other night, you'd have been amused. The old sinner looked as if he thought he was wanted." PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 303 yiv. Jessop then took tlie chair, and, after tryin"; its leo:s all round, as he would a horse's, stamped it soundly on all fours, sayini;' — "Yes, I think it'll do." Mr. Banting then deposited himself gingerly upon it, and ere three minutes more had elapsed, the sound of wheels outside was followed by the shuffling of feet within, and a faint sound of voices presently swelled into chorus as the coming party advanced to the drawing-room door. " When are you going to get your door-bell replaced ? " asked George A\lieeler, as Jovey advanced to greet him. " Hang the bell ! — no ringing allowed here," replied Mr. Jessop, shaking hands, adding, " How are you all ? What sort of a night is it ? '' " Dinner is on the taltle," now announced Ambrose, advancing pompously up to the glad group. " I told you so ! " said Mr. Jessop, glancing at his watch, and, showing Mr. Bunting that it was half-past six o'clock to a minute. "Come!" added he, taking Mr. Bunting by the arm, "let me show you the way ; " so saying, he led him out of the drawing- room across the marble-flagged hall into the dining-room on the opposite side of the way. The sjiacious room was a perfect blaze of hght. Ambrose had just given the fire a polishing stir, and which was lending its radiance to the effulgence of the wax and oil. On the massive carved side-board at the far end stood the splendid Rough and Ready-shire testimonial — a magnificent can- delabra, flanked by a profusion of beautiful glass and family plate. "AVhere will you sit? Xear the fire or from it ?" asked our host, offering his guest the choice of seats at the round table, adding, " any of these chairs will carry you. for our friend BoysLon there tries them all at high-pressure, and he rides fourteen stone m his nankins." Mr. Bunting chose the chair with his back to the fire, and the red-coats and yellow facings of the Duke's men drawing up, the dark coats followed suit, and the Jug having said grace, quietly slipped his nankins under the talde, and began to help the soup — while Ambrose and the footmen plied the plates, and lap, lap, sup, sup, was the order of the day. The dining, like the drawing- room, was large and dirty, the latter being more apparent when contrasted with the brightness of the plate and the snowy white- ness of the linen. The Hydropathic gentleman used to sluice his ])atients in the bed-room above, and a continuous flow of dri|)])ings had expanded into a sort of lai'ge map of Europe on the ceiling. J>ut it is now no time for airified criticism, looking at plaster, and looking at portraits, belongs to a much later period of the evening — these ."04 ri.iix (>i: i:i m; i.irrs / liUngry irciitlcnun aic imicii bfittT cinployt'd in disrii.ssiiig- ^lonsicnr liii^uut's vniii-tl and excellent dishes, all sent in beauti- Inlly lidt, and wasliiiiL:' tlu in down with eoiiious draughts ol" sweet and dry. -Alonsieiu- had indeed exerted himscH' to the ntniost, nor had ^Irs. All>piee leen behind in the sweets and savonries, lor which she was so jnstly lanums, and when the Jnji's nankins ai:ain a]>|Hared, all the i::uests did feel extremely thankful for wliat they had received. They then sat at case, "Wheeler turninc: to Lightfoot, and l>aintry to (Jumley, each couple with a distinct topic of conversa- tion, while the tabic was arranged for the second part of the entertainment. A neat dessert, of which nice thin water-biscuits ibrmed a prominent part, being set on, a goodly array of richly- cut decanters presently set sail from before Mr. Jessop — to the toast of " foxhunting,"' which immediately raised the doings of the morning, prematurely cut short by the quick announcement of dinner, and the importance of discussing its delicacies under the Jug's injunction of the silent system. Then each man gave his own version of his own doings, explaining how it happened he wasn't up at the finish, one having lost a shoe, another liaving lost two, a third having followed a bad leader, and vowing he would always take a line of his own for the future, — a resolution very often come to after a good dinner. The Jug, who was a steady " Port-if-you-please man," found a companion in Old Fullerton, while the rest adhered to the excel- lent Claret, -which circulated briskly — the Jug keeping himself awake by repeated excursions to the bell, which sometimes rang- and sometimes didn't — but, nevertheless, always produced the Ijutler. The pace having somewhat slackened, devil'd biscuits made their appearance, which gave a slight imjtetus to the evening, and carried the guests through another bottle of Latour. At length the map of Euro])e began to be studied, the height and length of the room discussed, with occasional conjectures indulged in as to what would have V)een the fate of the house if ]\Ir. Jessop had not taken it. Sherry then began to be asked for, clean glasses sought, watches slyly looked at, and other symptoms of complete satislae- tion given. The Jug and Fullerton still held on with their second bottle of Port, but the former seeing the general inclina- tion, trudged away to the old bell-plold Pioneer, dropped into the dining-room just as the dug was inducting ^Ir. IJunting into the mysteries of "the morning meal, and after the usual good morniugs, greetings, and common-places about the weather, he gradually broached the handsome proposition about the horse. ]Mr. Bunting was surprised, for he had not lived sufficiently among fox-hunters to know their general kindly disposition, and, moreover, liad about arranged in his own mind to take Privett Grove in his way home ; but the Jug devoting the intervals between munching a large plate of brawn, and washing it down with plentiful libations of tea to seconding Mr. Jessop's proposi- tion, our hero paused in his resolution, and considered whether staying on might not be as agreeable as spending the evening alone "at Burton St, Leger. And as !Mr. Jessop seemed to be sincere in what he said, and the Jug occasionally threw in an approving tongue between moutbfuls, Mr. Bunting was not very difficult to overcome. 3Ir. Jessop then rang or ratlier shook the bell wire for his own breakfast, oatmeal porridge and a thin rump- steak with fried potatoes, pending which. Monsieur Ragout appeared with his bill of fare for that day, and to receive the compliments of the company for his performance on the preceding one. There is no keeping a French cook up to the collar unless you flatter him Avell. Cash without compliments won't do ; so Mr. Jessop, and the guest, and the Jug, all joined in his praise. Monsieur having passed his bill of fare with the addition of an omelette soufflee at the suggestion of the Jug, then withdrew, and Mr. Jessop proceeded to enjoy his breakfast in the leisurely way of a man who generally has to hurry it. That being his business day, when he went through his accounts, he then bethought him how he could assist his Jug in getting his guest through the interval. Library there was none, at least there were no books in it ; indeed the room was made into a servants' dormitory, and though ]\lr. Jessop took in the Times, and the Jug Bell's Life and the Field, even these with the assistance of the Posl-Office PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 307 Diredonj, \\\\\c\\ the Jug was muc]i given to studying, would hardly suffice for a stranger. " What are you going to do to-day, Tom ? " now asked our master as he played away at his steak, thinking to see if his coad- jutor could help him out with an idea. " Me, oh, why, I — thought of taking a round with the harriers," drawled Boyston, as if he had not quite made up his mind on the matter. " Ah, to be sure ! the very thing ! " replied Mr. Jessop, gaily turning to Mr. Bunting, and saying, "And why shouldn't you go ? " " I have no horse," replied Mr. Bunting ; who, indeed, did not care much for hunting if it did not include the scarlet. " Oh, I'll find you a horse," replied Mr. Jessop. " I'll find you a horse — there's my little grey Merrylegs, the very thing for harriers — carry you like winking, won't he, Boyston ? " "Capitally," replied the Jug, still holding on steadily at his breakfast. " Just order him when you are inclined to go ; " then said Mr. Jessop, addressing the Jug. " I will," replied he, gulping down his last mouthful of tea ; then chucking his napkin away, he arose and stumped leisurely .away to the windows with his hands in his side-pockets. " Fine day," observed he, after a good vacant stare outside. " Oh, fine day," replied Mr. Jessop. " Fine day as can be — I only hope it will keep this way over to-morrow." " Well, then I'm ready when you're ready," observed the Jug, addressing Mr. Bunting. "You'd better say, when," replied our hero. " No hurry with harriers," rejoined the Jug, " can always catch them up ; but as the day's fine, we may as well be in the open air as in the house. So what say you to half an hour ? " " So be it," said j\[r. Bunting, whereupon the Jug stumped away to the stables to order the horses. Now it so happened that the Jug had just got a new horse ; *' Lofty " his late owner called him on account of his high action, Billy Bough'un the Jug called him, because of his shaking liim so. He was a grand horse Avith a great inclination for the chase, but he was too many for most people, hence he passed from hand to hand at always receding prices, until he came down to the Jug's figure — a twenty pound note. And liaving tried various l)its upon him with but indijlerent success, our friend bethought him that the best way to prevent Billy pulling his arms off" was to give him a little more work, so he resolved to treat him to a round with the harriers the day before hunting with the fox- hounds whenever he could. To this end he made the acnpiaint- auce of our before-mentioned Jonathan Jobling, who, though no .•Mw • I'l.A I \ (>i: i;i X( ; l k ts ? ixvvat juliuirer of the \vd coals in irtMieral — certainly not of tlioso with yellow collai's to tluiu — yet ajjrcoil out of rcs])ect for Mr. .lessop, to send ^Ir. Boyston his card, provided ho did not come out in white cords, of which Jonathan had a mortal aversion, liord Marcldiare liavin<;- ridden over the pride of his heart, the beautiful lUuebell, when so attired. And the .luj;' havint^ found the tirst day with the harriers very beneficial upon his new horse, and not being- at all fond of a large washing bill, had no ditliculty in coini)lying with the terms, as to omitting the white cords. So much for the rider, now for a word about the horse. Billy lloiigh'un was a grand horse, stood sixteen hands, with strength and speed of the first order. He could go as fast througli plough as he could upon grass. He was a darkish bay, with a. lai'ge star, and a white fore foot, capital legs and loins, Avith a small well set on head. His fault was being too much of a horse, too keen and anxious to be with hounds, which, combined with a very high rough action, put as it were two days' work into one for his rider. Indeed if ]>illy was not regularly worked there was my riding him, and he had nearly shaken the hearts out of half-a- dozen people before the dug got him. Not that JJilly had any vice in him, it was only his impetuosity that made him unpopular. He was a sort of horse that a looker on liked better than the person that was on him. There is no secret so close as that between a rider and his horse. When J>illy, then called Lofty, stepped out of ]\lr. Ulandisher the dealer's yard, he was a hundred and ninety guineas' worth, a ten pound note having somehow slipped off" his two hundred guinea price during the transaction, and though undoubtedly rough, yet Avhen not in his excited knock-his-knee-against-his- tootli action, by no means an unpleasant horse to ride. He was then the property of ]\Ir. George Dallimore, a wTakly constituted gentleman, who had been recommended horse exercise on account of his health ; and when George first appeared at "Weston Wood side with Lord Furzebrake's hounds, Lofty was pronounced by the cor/noscenfi to be a deuced nice sporting-looking nag. George, however, had not been on him half an hour, before the bay horse had been changed into a white one, and finding as soon as the fox broke away that he must be first (which was by no means George's place) or no where, he thought he had better be no where, and so went home. Blandisher, however, was a kind man, and readily exchanged him for an easy oily going gray, — a sort of animal that would do for a Koseberry Rocks riding-master, and sold Lofty again the next day for about his old figure, Blandisher making an uncommonly handsome profit by the transaction. The next purchaser was one of the same sort, a light man who fancied himself heavy, aud wanted something about liis weight, which PLAIN OR RINGLET Si 309 Lofty certainly was, stotting hiin up and down like a parched pea on a drumhead, tiring him completely and sending him asleep almost as soon as the cloth was drawn after dinner. He then sold him to a youth, with whom Lofty, certainly under great provoca- tion, ran away, whereupon he was pronounced vicious, and quickly came down to the Jug's price, Avho devised the expedient for curing him we have already mentioned. Billy, however, had no vice in him, it was sheer love of hunting and disgust at being ridden by tailors who had not the sense to appreciate his spirit. If he let people down at little places, it was only because they never gave him a chance at big ones. It was no use trying to deceive Billy Rough'un about hunting — no use sending him on alone with a lad in a jacket and trousers, as if he were going to exercise — he knew as well as the genius who saddled him what he was going to do. The first red coat he saw on the road set him on grindinghis teeth, fretting and trying to be on— what he wanted was to be with the hounds. Even on the present occasion, when the Jug turned out in his old round-crowned deer-stalking hat, brown sea-side jacket and long leather gaiters, the horse felt by the hunting martingal on his shoulders wiiat he was going to do. And when little Merrylegs came prancing out of the stable for the dandified ]\Ir. Bunting to mount, Billy gave half a squeak, as much as to say, now we'll have some fun together, you and I. " W-h-o-a-y ! " cried the Jug, hoisting himself on, adding, "I'll take the nonsense out of you when I get you on to the Downs." So saying, he drew reins and piloted our hero out of the yard. CHAPTER LVII. MR. JOXATHAN JOBLING'S HARRIERS. ]Mr. Jonathan Jobling had two distinct countries, hill and vale, the hill formed of fine open undulating downs, the vale of very stiff, cramped, awkw^ard enclosures. On a clear day nothing could be finer than a gallop over the sound turf of the downs, swelling and Hilling sufliciently to give zest and impetus to the horse without endangering the neck of the rider. Here, indeed, a man could see hunting in its wddest openest form, there being nothing to distract his attention with regard to progression, there not being even the fear of a water furrow in the bottoms. He rould go sailing away wherever the hounds went — seeing the lind, the forward, the double, the triple, the Gordian knot itself unravelled. Jonathan was a real great man, stood six feet two in his "in I'l.ilX i)i: mXCLKTSf stookin2^ foot, and \voiu;lu'(l twenty slono, at least, that was his ri'pnti'd wi'ij:jliL, for lie liad da'linod the scales for many years before the period of our story, lie had bejjiin huiitint,^ when bed- gown coats were the order of the day, a fashion that he still retained, and now had as much cloth in each lap as would make a moderate sized modern exquisite a coat. How many bed-yowns. the great white niothcr-of-pearl buttons with the l)lack hares engraved upon thcni had worn out, it was impossible to say ; Jonathan himself having lost all count of them. They were numerous ; and yet Jonathan was not the man to give up a coat upon slight provocation. They descended gradually, the shiney Xo. J. of sunny weather, being a long time before it became the faded Xo. II. of doubtful days, still longer ere it was the patched and tattered X^o. 1 1 \. of desperate wet and stormy ones. Xumber IV. generally occupied the post of a "flay craw," in the fields. His boots and breeches corresponded with his coat, large, roomy, and rough, drab Avith brass buttons, and boots brown without efi'ect, while his ponderous hammer-headed whip in the hands of a misguided man, Avould be enough to make the blood curdle in one's veins. His horses of course were of the largest, most fomiidablc order, and to see Jonatlian tearing away after his hounds with his great coat laps flying out, followed by the usual miscellaneous assortment of a harrier field gave him much the- appearance of a gigantic hen and chickens. But we are going to have a day or rather half a day Avith him at Missendon rubl>ing Post, so we had better be getting on as he is a man to a minute, and never waits for any one. The rul/oiug post was at least five miles from Appleton Hall — that is to say, five miles by the road — but the Jug with his great geographical knowledge and acquaintance with gaps and short cuts could ride it in three and a half or four. First he took the liberty of going through the Rev. Mr. Spintext's glebe, then ho Avas sure Widow "Weathei'ly Avould have no objection to their passing along the top of her seeds, though he kncAv Widow ^yeatherly had the greatest possible objection to anything of the sort ; next he cut off a large angle equal to a quarter of a mile, liy trespassing up Squire Cracklow's carriage road, and boring through his young plantation into the Burtreeford turnpike, which latter, hoAvever, he quickly forsook for a pet line of gates through Mr. Blatherwick's farm, then past the Punch Bowl Inn, through Thurlestone fiAX'lanes to the little village of Barrymorc at the foot of the downs, whose ascent he then made by the zig-zag road up the sides, passing up into an entirely different region to the one they had left — Avild, ojien, undulating downs, Avith nothing but ploA-ers and tinkling-belled sheep to disturb tlie serenity of the scene. Billy Rough'un then applied himself vigorously to the sound turf, and went snorting and cantering aAA'ay in evident PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 311 enjoyment of the change, accompanied by little ]\Terrylegs, who seemed equally pleased. Having thus opened their pipes by some three-quarters of a mile gallop, the Jug looked at his fat watch, and finding they were in plenty of time, the friends pulled up just as Jonathan appeared with his hounds on the brow of the opposite hill, attended by farmers Brushfield and Jacobstow, all straining their eyes and wondering who the deuce these strangers could be. As they approached, Jonathan saw it was the Jug, whereupon he gave his old sugar-loaf shape cap an upward poke off his brow, and said he ho)5ed Mr. Jovey Jessop was well. " Quite Avell," replied the Jug, " thank you ; " adding, " you'd better come and dine with us after hunting and see." " Humph ! " grunted Jonathan, " what time does he feed ? " " Six thirty," replied the Jug. " six thirty to a minute." " Dinner !" exclaimed Jonathan, raising his eye-brows, "soouper, I should say." " Get an omelette soufflee," added the Jug, recollecting his own order. " What'nt a thing's that ? " asked the master of harriers, erecting his great whip like a column on his leg. '* Come and see," said the Jug. "No-r, batter puddin', if you like," muttered Jonathan, after a pause ; " batter puddin', if you like, but none of your messes." Up then came the old customer, Cordey Brown, with his spurs in his hat, thinking nobody would know he had gone out to hunt, followed by Jack Pole, Billy Brickworth, and Tom Talford, the tippling farrier, who has lain overnight at the sign of the Punch Bowl, and has very much the a])pearance of one himself. All are cither dressed in green coats or the dark clothes and strong lower garments of men bent on defying the united attacks of weather and woods. There was nothing like a white top-boot, let alone a pair of white cords amongst them. A hunt was what they wanted and came for. Jonathan's, like Jovey's, was quite a working estal)lishment, nothing for show or appearance. But Jonathan, unlike Jovey, was a queer morose sort of chap, who could be extremely disagree- able when he liked. If one of the over riding red coats was to tell .Tonathan he had seen the hare jiass through a gap or a gate, Jonathan would immediately hold the hounds the opposite way, muttering something about it had most likely been a cat. Nob that anybody ever was rash enough to come out with Jonathan in red ; but he had a certain instinctive knowledge of those who wore it, and always dreaded their jealous rivalry and rushing for a start. " Bad word it, sir ! " he would exclaim. " J)o you think I'd 312 /' /. .1 / .V (> i: i; I .V < : i. /; ts ? briniT out thcso sixtoi'ii couplo of ItOMiiliful arrirrs if T wanted yo'i to catch the nr? Do, please, hold hard whilst they try t(^ make it out. or at all events irct oiY your horse and ]tnt your nose to the j^ronnd yoni"self. Now for our jiarticular day." Tinu' heinii' up, and all the lield come or accounted for, and Cordey Hrowii liaviny: unba2:ut alas ! 110 tVit'ud was by. Tho fox is always supposed to be a ixcntloinau, aud the bare a lady ; aud tboujjjh tlic sexes are soiuetiiucs traus])osed, tlie terms ivmaiii tbc same, aud exercise a considerable influence iu tbe chase. The fox is pursued with a vehement ardour, if not an inveterate hatred ; everybody had something to say against him — while a little turnip nibbling and wheat cropping is about the worst that can be laid to the charge of poor puss. Still a bare takes a deal ol" hunting, especially on a bad scouting day, and those who have been at the trouble of unravelling her steps, watching the working of Lilter and Tilter and ^Vonderful, don't like to be baulked of their prize in the end, even though they are regardless after they have got it. On the present occasion, with two strangers out, of course it would nob do to be l)eat, and Jonathan worked with assiduous care. All the field too,, were careful, each man feeling his credit involved in the perform- ance of the pack. Our hare, which was a buck and a stout one, had now done the field good service. She had given them a very pretty lead out, or rather round, of some two miles in the first instance, one in the second with a straight shoot out, and a curve for the third. Though the hounds flew over the downs, they made it out tolerably well on the fallows, their merry sterns twinkling when they would hardly trust their tongues to say the scent was there. At length a chalky fallow brought them studiously to their noses, and .Jonathan, feeling that killing time was come, crept gently on, to be ready to save her in the last extremity. The field followed their great leader's example, many of them looking alternately at the hounds and the .Jug's stolid unappreciative countenance. The pace gradually slackened nntil the hounds almost stopped upon the drab fallow. Jonathan now drew rein, and sat transfixed. He was sure she was somewhere there. Humpty JJumpty presently gave himself a hearty shake, when up bounced puss right under liis nose, and with a desperate effort to gain the opposite hedgerow, twisting aud turning from her numerous open-mouthed pursuers, was finally snapped by ^Fariner, over whom Jollity and Jovial immediately rolled, when the whole pack poured in like bees at a hive, and the kill was complete. Jonathan was amongst them iu the twinkling of an eye, and from a ground woi'rj' the scene changed into a high in air trophy with the glad pack baying and jumping aud })awing the stout British yeoman. " Wn'o-noop ! " halloaed Jonathan, with a voice that made the hills echo. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 315 " AVho-hoop ! " responded Cordey Brown, from the thick of the field. " Well hunted!''' cried Telford, who paid his subscription in flattery. " Deuced well ! " assented Brickworth, mopping bis brow. •' Five-and-fifty minutes ! " announced Pole, who was time- keeper to the hunt. Jonathan, having duly exhibited his Tictim, now proceeded to disembowl her and give his favourites a taste of her blood ; after which, having got his hands licked pretty elean, the herculean huntsman advanced to the Jug with the hare in his hand, saying, " You were good enough to ax me to dine oif a scoffla — but scofflas are not in my way — but if you'd accept a hunted hare, I shall be very glad to give you her," holding the hare up to the Jug as he spoke. " Thank you," said the Jug, taking her and fastening her into Billy Ptough'un's hunting martingal. "And "make my compliments to Mr. Jessop," continued Jonathan, helping him. " I will," said the Jug. " Xo better sportsman than Mr. Jessop," continued Jonathan, thinking unless it were himself. " Well, now, we are going to 8omerslease Hill," continued he, when they had got the hare adjusted. " There we shall find another stout 'un, get on to fresh ground, and have another good gallop." " I think I must be going home," replied the Jug, adding, " I'm going to ride this horse with the fox-hounds to-morrow." " So"," said Jonathan. " Well, then, sir, I'll bid you good morning," tendering him his still rather blood-stained hand as he spoke. The Jug shook it and said " good morning," too. Jonathan then hoisted his great sternpost into the saddle, and, calling his handy hounds together, proceeded onwards, leaving our friends to journey liome in the contrary direction. CHAPTER LVIII. PRIVETT CIROVE AGAIX. "WoxDKii where we are," now observed jMr. Bunting, looking about him, as their mutually receding steps soon put a wide space between our friends and the field. " I know," replied tlie Jug. " This is Okers Over ; tliat (nodding to a little hamlet embedded among large bare-branched "If. /'/. i/.v (>i: i:i xi; i.irrs r tivrs brnoatli the slu'liiT of a swiHiiii;- liill) is Hlucmcadows ; nt ilio back (>t' it \vi' j^vt iijkui HlcakciidaU' t'(li:;c, ami can cither go liome by the mad or the fields, whichever you like." 'Oly name's 'easy,' " reitlied ^^^r. ]>uiiting ; adding;, "1 sup- pose there's iiothinii' to do before dinner ? " " Xothini;, unless yt»u'll like to go to the kennel and look over the liouiuls." ** Xo — no ; not in my way," rejoined our hero ; " that's an old- fasliioned proceeding," added he. " Well, then, we'll just saunter quietly home by the road," re- joined the Jug, dropping the reins on the neck of the now subdued IJilly liough'un, and diving into his side-i)ocket for the convcrsation-stopjiing weed. He presently had a large IiO]iez cigar, blowing a cloud round his harvest-moon face. The two then jogged on (|uietly together through Filterton, Swimingdale, and the little villages of Lofield and Upton. After ])assing the corn-mill the road rises over Warringborongh Hill, and though no great hand at recognising a country, it somehow' struck Mr. Bunting that he had seen this one before — stacks by a barn — chimneys among trees — it was very like the ground about Privett Grove. "What place is that?" now asked he, trotting his horse nj» alongside Billy Rough'un. " That," rejoined the Jug, " that," repeated he, with his usual careless indifference, " that's what's-its-name — where the widow with the ]>retty daughter lives." "Thought so," said Mv. Hunting, gaily. " What, do vou know them ? " asked the Jug. "A little," replied :\rr. Hunting, "a little." "Suppose we call," suggested the Jug. " With all my heart,'' replied our hero. " If you know them well, I can take you a short cut tcj the stables through the fields," said the Jug, pointing to a weak place in the hedge they were passing, where the hoof-marks of a horse were still visible — this being one of the Jug's short cuts to cover. "Perhaps we may as well go the front way," observed ^Mr. Bunting, our hero knowing that ladies do not like to be taken by surprise. "P'raps we may," assented the Jug, thinking to finish his cigar. So saying he passed the place and plodded on to the gate. '" This is the way in," said he, opening and pushing it back, as if his companion was a perfect stranger to Privett (irove. The Jug then, having thrown his cigar-end away, jn'oduced a black pocket- comb, and, uncovering his Ijristles, proceeded to give them and his stubbly whiskers a good stirring up. He then ridded the comb out and offered it to our friend, who, however, preferred PLAIN on RINGLETS? 317 giving his curls a rim throngli '^\'ith his fingers to avaihng himself of it. So the Jug pocketed it Avithout further to do. This per- formance brought them to the diverging road to the stables, which the Jug, pointing out, said, " Shall we put our horses up and go in, or how ? " " Better go up to the house and inquire if they are at home, which will give the ladies time to put on their best bibs and tuckers." " Well," said the Jug, turniag Billy Rough'un's head up the road. The horses then paced quietly on, Avondering what was going to happen. The " invisible guardian " of the house saw the approaching guests and gave the alarm ere the vociferous door- bell responded to the hearty summons of the Jug. He pulled afi if he would pull the knob out of the socket. The difference of the sexes is strikingly shown in the matter of visitors. Ladies are always at home to them : gentlemen, never. As soon as the bell sounds, the ladies whip away their uncompany- like work, and after glancing at themselves in the mirror, subside into a company posture ; while the gentlemen hurry away to intercept the servant, and whisper lowly but vehemently " not at home " as he passes. Sometimes, indeed, the excommunicating order is general and positive — " never at home to any one ; " while the exceptional guests of the ladies are few and far between. Of coui'se we are speaking of middle life, oue servant being quite unequal to exclude or to carry in the card of a caller in high life — there must be a shoal of them there to do that. Our old friend John Thomas, in well-put-on clean stockings and neatly-stringed shoes, smiled as he opened wide the door for admission, whereupon the Jug, Avho was better pleased with Billy Rough'un, said, " if Mr. Bunting would give him his horse, he would take them round to tlie stable and get them some gruel ; " so saying he laid hold of Merrylegs' bridle and trudged away to the divci'ging road he had coveted before. Arrived at the stable, with the aid of Old Gaiters he got what he wanted, and having thrown a sheet over each horse, he returned to the front door, where he found the footman waiting to receive him. Following his guide, he presently made the head-foremost descent into the drawing-room that our hero had done on a former occasion. Indeed he did worse, for he almost lauded in Mrs. M(;I)ermott's lap, who was contemplating her daughter and Mr. Bunting as they sat upon the sofa — wondering if he was to be any "thing- more " to her or not, and all tliat sort of thing. " Oh, dear, that door ! " exclaimed she, as the Jug recovered himself after his stumble ; " oh dear, that door ! wish we could devise some means of curing it — it is so disagreeable making siK;h a sudden descent." "It is," said the Jug, who now felt tin; full ellect ol' the truism. . i 1 > I'l.MX on in xa 1 1: rs t Miss liosa (Ik'ii caiiiL' foruiinl to Lrrcet onr unafroclcd Iriciul, after which they all •,'(it. into iilaccs ap;ain, and the chir|) of conversation was |)resently leiiewed — surprised at seein«,^ thcni t«»j]jether — snp|)osed they had heen huntin<^ — harriers, and so on. Cake and wine preseiitly made its a])i)earance, and were ])]aced on the table, whereupon the .lui;, after a ^ood steady stare at the cut-irlass decanter, arose fntin his chair, and, helping:; hunipers all ri. and, proceeded to distribute them — one to Mamma, one to ]\ris8, one to ^[r. Huntiiiii-, and, of course, one to himself. 'IMie ladies looked at; theirs, Mr. lUmtinj^ sipped at bis, l)ut the .Iu<;, after ruminatinu: over a good mouthful, finally swallowed it, and then took otf the rest at a gulp. " Good wine," said he to ^Mrs. McDermott, nursing the glass on his knee, as if be meant to have another — "good wine ! .McKin- uel's, I should say," smacking his thick lips. "Xo, it is some I have bad in the house a long time," rejilied ^Irs. ^IcDermott, with a sigh ; whereupon the Jug, seeing he liad touched a wrong chord, helped himself to another glass, which very soon went the same way as the first one. Still he sat with bis empty gkss on bis knee, as though he might be tempted to fill it again. " Won't you take a little cake ? " now asked ^Mrs. ^IcDermott, inclining her band towards it. " Thank you," replied the Jug — " thank you, I will presently," then, recollecting himself, he added, " "Won't vou take a little, Mam ? " Mrs. McDermott declined, so did Miss Rosa, and ]\Ir. Bunting, who was making play on the sofa, would not take any either. The Jug then, after a pause, looked first at the cake, then at the wine, then at; his feet, and finally rising, helped himself to a good thick slice of cake. " Good eating requires good drinking," observed be to Mrs. IMcDermott, as he helped himself to another glass of wine, and then resumed his seat by her side. " So it does," assented Mrs. ]\r.cDermott, "and hunting makes people hungry." " Very," replied the Jug, munching away at the cake. " Mr. Jovey Jessop is very fond of hunting, I suppose," said she. " Very," replied the Jug. " I wonder he doesn't get married," observed Mrs. McDermott, " he would be much more comfortable Avitb a wife, I should think." '• Humph — don't know that," thought the Jug, taking a liberal mouthful of wine. " Plenty of elegant, accomplished girls in the world," observed Mrs. McDermott, looking at her daughter. PLAIN OR KINGLETS? 319 " Xo doubt," replied the Jug- — " no doubt," adding, after a pause, " only, for my part, I don't know but I would rather have •a wife that could set a good dinner on the table than one that could talk Greek." " Well, but she might do both," obserA'ed Mamma. " Seldom," replied the Jug — " seldom — all go for show — happy medium's the thing — happy medium's the thing," finishing the contents of his glass as he spoke. Mamma then lowered her voice, and a subdued confidential con- versation ensued between her and the Jug, which greatly facilitated Mr. Bunting's approaches to the daugliter. He felt that he got on better with her than he had done since the Pic Nic at Roseberry Rocks. He almost thought he might offer. The friimds were so comfortable that each waited for the other to give the hint to rise, and if the premature shades of one of those short winter days that appear so impossible in the fine long- drawn ones of summer had not begun to obscure the room, there is no saying but they might have sat over the dinner-hour at Appleton Hall. The Jug's inward monitor, however, coinciding with the waning day, caused him to liaul up his great warming- pan of a watch, when dangling it by its jack-chain, he asked his companion if he knew what o'clock it was ? Of course — '' With her conversing," Mr. Bunting had forgotten " all time," and was perfectly astonished when he was told what it was, but there was no gainsaying the fact, or that they had sat quite long enough for a call — so the Jug rising, and helping himself to another glass of sherry en passant, asked permission to ring the bell for the horses. And now, while they are bringing them, we will retrograde a little, and tell how Miss Rosa came to be in a more affable humour than usual. CHAPTER LIX. THE NEW BONNET. The day after our hero's former visit to Pri\ett Grove, Mrs. McDermott thought it her duty to go to J\Tayfield and tell Mrs. (roldspink what had happened. They had been such old friends, and the young people had always been so intimate, that she would not like Mrs. (Joldspink to hear of anything likely to aifect her daughter's happiness from anyone but herself. At the same time she could not go open-mouthed as though she thought they had achieved a great triumph, l)ut just drop in in a quiet neighbourly way and broach the subject carelessly in the course of conversation. ;j.M /•/. i/.v ill: i;i Sd ijrrs? lV«»plo wamiui; to ^^tH• tin- ii'al csseinc of (li|>loinacy Klmiild watcli two discivet nmtronly ladies tryiiit,' to outwit om- iuiutlicr. Tlicv approach witli all the caution of chess-players, and ink hadn't seen her she didn't know when — cert;iinly not since the autumn. Then thought j\Irs. ilcDermott it will be Mi's. Wedderburn ; and she immediately transferred her stock of envy, hatred, malice, and all uncharital>leness to her. Had Mrs. Goldspink seen Mva. Wedderburn lately? No ; she hadn't seen her either. ]\Irs. McDermott was posed, for she could not think of any one else who owed her a good turn. So she sat mute, wondering what it meant. At length she took her departure, feeling assured that Jasper had fallen in with some one he liked better tliau Ilosa, and thinking it was fortunate j\Ir. Bunting had come down. So the reader will understand the favourable circumstances under which our hero paid his second visit to Privett Grove. C'lTAPl'ER LX. THE KIDE HOME. The reader will now understand how it was that ]\rr. Bunting felt he had made greater progress with ^fiss Bosa than he had done upon any recent occasion. The bonnet had stood his best friend, though the Jug had certainly contributed to his success. "While our hero was plying his softest soft nonsense into Miss Bosa's ear, the Jug was sherrying and enunciating some very com- fortable domestic platitudes into "Mamma's," whom he inwardly settled was a very sensible, agreeable woman. He would be (sip) bound to say (sop) that (sip) lady would make a steady respectable man very (sop) comfortable — what nice sheriy it was fgulph) — dare say'd she would have some port to correspond. The house too was very nice, barring the down step into the drawing-room. Where two could dine, three could dine (sip) — certainly capital sherry ; and so the Jug with more gumption tlian he seemed to possess, proceeded to glauce at the question of amalgamation, — iioyston Park, Appleton Hall horses, boot jack, pictui'e and all. He didn't see why it shouldn't do. This double intercourse going PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 323 on, it was not to the interest of cither party to move an adjourn- ment, and if the day had not done it for them, there is no saying- how long they might have sac. Even the Jug's "scoffla " might have been forgotten. At length, pi-emature evening came to tlie rescue, and hinted that they ought to be going home. However parties may watch one another, and think they read their feelings by their eyes, there is one proceeding that com- pletely baffles them, namely, the amount of fervour put into the squeeze of the hand at partiug. Without going into particulars, Ave may say that both our friends mounted their horses, each per- i'ectly satisfied with the result of the visit. The Jug was even gay, and tried to strike up a tune as he jogged Billy Rough'un down the carriage drive on to the road. " Nice ladies," said he, stooping to unlatch the gate, and swing- ing it open for our friend to follow. '' T>ry," replied Mr. Bunting with an emphasis. " No idea that you knew them," observed the Jug reining up alongside our friend. " No idea that you knew them. Have you ever been in this country before ? " " No," replied our friend ; " I met them in the summer at Roseberry Rocks." " Ah, I heard they were away somewhere," observed the Jug, adding, " I didn't know Avhere it was." "It was there," rejoined Mr. Bunting ; and having given his companion this piece of information, he thought to have a little out of him in return. " Tell me," said he, jerldng his head back at it as he spoke, " is that place their own ? " " No ; rented," replied the Jug, seeing the point. " Hem ! " mused Mr. Bunting, doubting whether it was safe to go further with his inquiries. The Jug might tell Mamma, and tiuit would not do. The Jug then lighted a large Manilla cigar, and proceeded to fumigate his face, until he arrived at the first of a series of gaps by which he sought to lessen the distance to Appleton Hall, by a diagonal cut across country. Farmer Grufton, however, had an- ticipated the movement by making up the introductory gap in a more summary way than is usual in the middle of a hunting season. " Hot the fellow ! " exclaimed the Jug, halting before it, and looking at the stout perpendicular post with its strong interlacings of black thorn and white. " Rot the fellow ! he deserves to have a fresh hole bored in every rood of his fence," repeated the Jug, putting Billy Rougli'un. close up to the place, and tiying to ])ull the post out with his hand as he sat. It was too firmly driven in for that. " I'll have it out," said he, dismounting and handing his horse to our hero. The Jug then ascended the little mud bank, and after a series of :\24 ri.Ai.x (>i: i:i .\i,' i.irrs .' stniiXi::los and wn-stlcs. siaxri'dod iudrawiiii:- tlie post from its plsu^c. " Nasty unliandsiPiiif l)c'liavi(»ur/' said ho, iciiockiii^- Llii' otlaT iiii- |H>diiii(.'iits out i>f the way as he spoke. "Nasty unhandsdiiHi ln.'havii»ur ; 1 nearly l>n>ke my neck in niakinutton as the man who had the charge of Little Merrylegs. ''i'li, have it out," said hi:. Having taken the hare from the saddle, and given his orders for the morrow, the Jng led the way into the house by the same way as he had introduced Mr. Bunting on his lirst arrival. " Anybody dine here ? " asked he, as he met a footman in the passage leading into liis l)edroom. " Yez-ir, Mr. (iurney Busbey does." 'V2C, i'LA!.\ On i:i.\(.' Li:rs .' •* Oh, docs he?" ivplii'd the Juj? ; "then wc shall want an anchovy toast," which meant a second bottle of port, (Invncy ]iusl)cy beniti: one of the ixentlenien against whom it was the Jnjj's otHoe especially to ]>rovide, and very ready he wa** so to do. So lUislK'y and Hoyston had their bottle a-piece of Mutton's thirty- four port, while Mr. .lessop and our hero sipped their (piiet bottle of Latour, and all arose apparently cfpially soiier. And the Jun: haviuL:: at lenjxth seen his conii)ani()n buttoned into his booby hutch, retired to his bed-room to rock in his chair, con over the events of the day ; and about three o'clock in the morninu;, he returned a mental verdict to himself, that he '* miyht do a great deal worse than" — the reader knows what. .So saying-, he oil" with his nankins and turned into bed. CHAPTEi; LXI. nUAXFORTH BRIDGE. OOTS and breeches airain ! "What boys for boots and breeches ! Here is Mv. Jovey Jcssup all red and yellow, all hurry and con- fusion, as keen as if he had never seen a ibx or a hound in his life. Here is the old hot and heavy Jujj;, too, red up to the crown : and here, too, is Mr. ]>untinii- very smart and orthdox, mo\int;' leisurely about as an easy going exquisite ought to do. It will not be a hunt that will put Mr. nanting out of his way. " Horse on ? " (munch, slunch, jnunch), asks ]\Ir. Jessctp with his nose well down to the por- i-idge plate. •' Uide him myself," grants the Jug, trudging away to the well sui)plied plate-warmer at the fire for some kidneys. "Take Mr. (slunch, munch) "" '"'"''"' ■ Bunting then with me," observes Mr. Jessop, who is going on wheels. " Thank you," replies our hero, now falling to with his break- fast to be ready in time. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 327 IMuucli, crunch, sip, sop, sup, was then the order of the day, varied by occasional exclamations of tea ! toast ! egg ! or whatever the ]3arfcy wanted, a footman hovering round the breakfast-table to supply all rising demands on the instant. Mr. Jessop was done first — " Ten minutes ! " exclaimed he, rising and looking at his watch as he wiped his mouth, and threw his napkin away ; " Ten minutes if you please," repeated he, hurrying out of the room. " Sharp's the (munch, crunch) word here," observed the Jug labouring away at the beef-steak and fried potatoes. " So it seems," replied J\Ir. Bunting, putting on a little more steam. " Never knew (crunch) Jessop late in my (munch) life," observed the Jug, filling his useful mouth full of muffin. " J>y the (munch, crunch) way, you'll not forget my (crunch, munch) boot jack," observed he, looking np at Mr. Bunting. " Oh no, I've laid it on the toilette table to be ready to bring down." '' Thank ye," replied the Jug, adding, " I nearly lost it one day by lending it to a friend, whose groom woulcl insist tliat it belonged to his master's dressing-case, and was walking away with it under his arm when I met him." " Indeed," replied Mr. Bunting, thinking it would have been no great matter if he had lost it. " Rather a neat (munch, crunch) article," observed the Jug between mouthfuls. " "Well, yes, no, middling,"' replied ^Ir. Buuting from out of his tea cup — '• the fact is," said he, scttiug the empty vessel down, " T don't know, but it would be better without the fold — the joint you know." " Why, so ? " asked the Jug. " The fact is, I have rather a fleshy frog, and it nipped me as I stood upon it." "Ah, well it bit me that way too onc3," re})lied the Jug ; " but that was because I hadn't my (crunch) slipper on — should put your (munch) slipper on when you draw off your (crunch) boot." The clank of a spur followed by the crack of a whip now sounded in tlie entrance hall, and just at the moment a quiidc stepping bay whisked round with the dog-cart, and pulled up at the front door. "Now then ! time's up!" cried Mr. Jessop; and in ruslied a footman to announce that "master was ready." " Well, then, adieu for the present," said Mr. IJunliiig to tlie Jug, as he rose to obey the summons, and investing himself in a roomy Napoleon gray overcoat, he ])ut on iiis hunting-cap, and was presently by his host's side in the vehicle. The groom leaving hold of the horse's head, at a "twit "from our master, after a :l's /'/. .i/.v ('/.' m m; Lirrs r lialf-i»ivtonco of a roar, tlio <;allaiit hay shouldoreil the collar, and starit'd away at the rate «tf ten miles an hoiii'. Knowiiiii: that he wonld eii'tl down of his own accord, Mr. Jcssop jnst let him jro, and after howlinu throu,u:h the I'ark. they shot past the dilapidated lodges, and ijrot npon tlie newly-metalled Fillinudalc road. The velocity gradually subsided, and (|uartering, and easing, and pick- ing the way became the order of the day. So they proceeded, jolting and laughing, overtaking horsemen presenting various indications of tlie chase, one Avith spurs to his leather-leggins, another with a fine ^lalacca cane whi])-stick in his baud, a third with an entire whip ; then a man in mufti all but a hunting-cap, and ])resently the knowing, well-dressed grooms, jogging on by ones, by twos, and by threes. All touched or took off their bats to our master as he passed. The bridge stands obliquely over the broad impetuous Wheetlade, presenting a pleasing feature from whichever end it is approached. Belonging to two counties, the surveyors of each exercise their ingenuity in making their respective ends as different as possible, the arches of one being of thirty, the other of fifty-feet chord ; while the wall and parapet of one is of coped rubble, and the other has an iron-railing fixed upon an indifferent ashlar one, to prevent drunken farmers and others shooting over the acute angle into the brawling river below. The bridge itself is on a liberal incline ; and of course there is a toll-bar at the low end, presenting a sub- stantial barrier to runaway horses, and causing many an objurgation from travellers on wheels, who expect to enjoy the Ijenetit of the descent. Nothing annoys people so much as having to pull up to pay when they are cheating their horses into a belief that they have got nothing behind them. Branforth bridge was not a very favourite meet for foxhunters, the general report of a day's sport from thence being, "We ran n]» the banks and down the banks ; " but as the foxes liked the banks it was necessary to disturb them occasionally and drive them out into more popular quarters. Still it was a favourite place for the rising generation, and just at the season of the year when the schools had returned their valuable charges to their homes, it, was sure, on a fine day like the present, to draw a considerable number. Although ^Mr. Jovey Jessop did not, as we .-^aid before, afi'ect lady-foxhunters, he was kind and encouraging to boys, who, besides placing under the particular care of his Jug, he always charged his servants to keep an eye upon, and to ride by such safe ways as would show them the most of a run. Ho he kept up his' popularity with the ^lammas who brought their smiling-faced boys on their ponies and in their pretty basket-carriages and confided them to his care, in tlie lull confidence of getting them safe back again. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 329 " Here we are now I " exclaimed ^\\\ Jovey Jessop, as the brow of Highford Hill brought them fall above the circling river, with its well-wooded banks, marking its meandering course through the country. " Here we are ! " repeated he taking out his watch, and showing ]\Ir. Bunting that it was seven minutes within time. T\\o or three red coats, and two or three black coats, dotted the line, the wearers working their horses in the careful sort of way that denotes a ride on, but there was little to indicate a popular gathering. " Well, but where are the hounds ? " asked Mr. Bunting, think- ing there was a great falling off in the field. " The hounds are in the (juarry," replied ^l\: Jessop, and easing out his horse, he drove rapidly down the hill ; but, instead of cross- ing the bridge, he turned short to the right, and trotting up a narrow lane, entered a spacious whinstone (juarry, that looked as if it could supply all the world with stone. Ow, wow, wow, went the joyful hounds, up went the hats and caps, smiles and greetings burst from all quarters. The large sheltered area of the quarry was alive with liounds, and horses, and carriages, and ponies — black, white, dun, roan, pie-bald, skew-bald — all the captivating colours, in fact. There was Mrs. Lob, Avith her lai-ge lustrous dark e^'es fixed on her son, now sitting sideways on his skew-bald, whom she commends to the "■very great care'' of Mr. Jessop, begging that he will not let him ride over any five-barred gates, or dangerous places ; there is Mrs. Honcybrook, sitting in her clothes-basket in the midst of her bevy of beauties equally energetic with regard to Albert Arthur, while Mrs. Eglantine begs that Mr. Jessop will sec to sweet William, who is out with the hounds for the first time in his life. To all of whose injunctions, and to those of several others, Mr. Jessop replies that he will make a point of attending, and will place the boys undei- the care of ]\Ir. Boyston as soon as ever he comes up. And scarcely are the words out of his mouth ere our red-hot friend is borne into the midst of the assemblage by the boring, teeth-grinding J)illy Rough'un ; and, the usual interchange of civilities or incivilities, such as " Well, Tom ! " " Well, Jug 1 " "Well, old Quart Pot! how goes it?" and so on, over, Mr. Jessop, who has now mounted his horse, and sits in the midst of his hounds, exclaims, " I say, Boystou ! here are three hundred and fifty thousand pounds worth of jewels (looking round on the smiling faces as he S])oke) connuitted to your care ; now will Mark and you take and ride them so as to show them as much of the run as you can, and keep them out of all scra])es ? " To which the .Iiig, who is u. kiiidly-dis])osod man, and takes u)> with children as though he had some of his own, I'cplies, " I will," whereupon Mrs. Lob and all the Mammas opeu upon him, each 330 / ' /. . I / .V n /; /; / .V < ; /, /•; rs ? uririii*; the claims of Iut iiinoi-fiit to rxtni care and ])rotcetion, in tlie midst of which Mr. .lovcy .Icsso[) liavin;:' moved lii¥t Ids hat to tlio ladies, then nu ves his hounds out of the (iiiarrv. CHAT 11 : II TAll. A DAY FOR THK .lUVKMI-KS. As usual the departure of the hounds operated like the burst inj,' of a pent-up cataract ; there was a general rush and hurry after them. First went the keen fustian and smock-frocked coun- trvmen with their stall's, and their poles ; then the anxious few'- days-a-season-men, desirous of seeinilly Rougli'un's head in quite a contrary direction to what the hounds arc going — '• this way, boys," and i)assiiig through a well-established gaj), he rides them along Leawood (Jreen, while the occasional cheer of the huntsman becomes fainter and taiuter. " But Avliat shall we do if they find ? " now asks Lob, anxiously, trotting up alongside of his leader. "Oh, I'll soon catch them up," replies Mr. Boyston, jogging on. Lob doesn't like it, and thinks they had much better stick to the hounds. That, however, he keeps to himself. ]\rr. Boyston jogs on briskly, and presently making a- short turn to the left, after pursuing the intricacies of a very devious cattle- track through some much mutilated brushwood, he suddenly pulled up on Pebble Ridge Hill with the panorama of the advancing pack coming doAvn ujjon them. " Here we are ! " cried he, pointing them out to his party. ^h\ Jessop's "" ijoklcs wind hiin ! yoiclcs push him up I " sounding most musically. So the steady hounds come sniffing here and there and everywhere for the scent, regardless alike of scuttling rabbits, and bouncing hares. Lob's eyes si)arkle with pleasure, but little Bow- deroukins dives into his overcoat-pocket, and fishes up a currant- Ijun, with which he commences regaling himself. Still the cry is ^^ yoicks wind him! ijoicks push him up!" varied with an occasional crack, which startles the wood-pigeons and scares an occasional pheasant. And now the steady drawing hounds arc parallel with our juvenile party, and the sloping sjiinny inclines; more determinedly to the river. "Follow me, boys ! " cries ^Ir. Boyston, again turning tail, and cutting away through a ricketty old gate on the left, he strikes down a very indifferent road, which, after two or three tortuous windings, brings him upon the alluvial soil of the fields next the river, just as Conqueror, Traveller, AVhimsey, and "Whipster round the expanding spinny, and enter upon the well-wooded banks above. "Now you'll see everything," says Mr. Boyston, pointing to the spreading pack with ilr. Jessop and the body of the field riding on the hiirh side of the cover. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 333 Lol) draws rein, and sits with eager eye viewing- the gay speckled hounds ranging all over the hanks ; while Honeybrook and Walker propose a race up the field to the opposite gate, and Bowderoukius perseveres assiduously with his bun. There is pretty good lying, and Mr. Jessop gives his hounds plenty of time, never liking to hear that he has left a fox behind, or that ■one had slipped away at one end of a cover just as he went out at the other. And now a loud crack of Horneyman's whip reverberates through the clear atmosphere awakening the distant echoes ; and. ere its last notes have expired there is such an outburst of melody from the pack, that the horses are thrown into ecstacies, the ^ponies caper, and Atalanta darts at the bit as if it was determined to be off. The fox has been snugly ensconced in an ivy-bush, high up in ;a crag, and came down with a sweep right before Pillager and 'Champion, and nothing but astonishment at the unwonted descent prevents them annihilating him. Prompter, and Prowler, and. Hotspur, and Spanker, and Sportive, too, get a view, and the whole pack rush irom their respective lines to join in the general outcry. Tweuty couple of lately leisurely-taking-it hounds are thrown into a state of the most frantic excitement, and rush after the hardy old veteran of a fox in the most headstrong violent way. If he was to dash at an express train, or run into a red-hot furnace, they would follow him. The twang of the horn, and the cheer of tiie huntsman are drowned in the melody of the pack, and the glad party push on in the hopes that the fox will run up the banks, but not down the banks, as heretofore has been usual. Mr. Bunting is now quite at home on the Bold Pioneer, who is neither too fresh nor too stale, but just in that comfortably subdued state when a horse yields his wishes to his master, and canters merrily along, snorting, and clearing his pipes as he goes. " Now, boys ! look sharp ! " cries Mr. Boyston, hugging the teeth-grinding Billy Rough'un, and getting in front of his party ; *' follow me," continues he, settling himself in his great saddle, feet well home in the stirrups, and proceeding to pound up the gate-accommodating line of fields running parallel with the swiftly gliding river. The hounds are on their right hand, crashing and racing through the well-wooded banks, making the welkin ring with their melody. All operations are suspended at their coming. The birds in the air, the cattle in the field, the countrymen in the fuld are all diverted from their pursuits. A magical influence pervades the air, heads are up and eyes are straining to the utmost to get a view of the fugitive. Mr. Jessop shoots a-liead in the stealing sort of way that so soon leaves a lagger in the lurch, and just gains the brow of Millerton Hill as the fox comes pacing up the green valley leading from tlu' lianks to SiiniimTOourt l>;ilt\ with two crows and a inappic hovcriiij; and wlicolini; on his line. Our master i'hi]>s spurs to the iiaHant Star of the West, and th'i>p|)inj:: his whiivtlmiiL:- as lu- ixoos, mci'ts thi' fox full in the face at (he accustomed turn liy which hv generally seeks to re,ir:iin the hanks, and with a tremendous crack and a " //r^fly;/ " sends him sailing- away on to Farmanhy ('onuuon,and so up to Ilawdon Hill, and away towards Fini^leuioor Kdue. This dexterous feat accom- jilislud. a second or two bring up the racini; lutiuids, Fuuleman and Firchrand raciui^' for tiie lead — every hound throwinif his toniiui — and all in a tine Avideninu" ]>halanx. Awny they race, with a breast-high scent. And now two distinct jiarties emerge from the banks, the one led by Horneyman, comja-ising the elite of the red coats ; the other by the Jug, who being on tlie low side of the wood has lee-way to recover, and comes tearing up a roughly stoned lane, spattering his little followers with the mud and debris of the surface as he goes. " Xow. boys, follow me I " exclaims he, standing in his stirrup.s and looking round on the party, as on rising the banks he sees the hounds are racing due north ; adding, "and whatever you do, don't cross or touch other horses, for there are tailors who seek to conceal their incompetence by a'ousing boys." Ho saying, he again settled himself in his saddle, and went bucketing away, with the little ponies after him, in the extraordinary sort of way these little animals keep up with a horse. Thus he went hitting and holding and grinning and watching, running his mind's eye through all the familiar gaps and gates and nicks of the line. " Hold hard 1 " noAv cries he, as Lob, who is a little in advance, puts Atalanta at a broken down fence over which the rest of the field have passed. " Hold hard ! " cries he, turning short to the left, and th.rowing open the first of a series of gates leading up to Shillingham farm on the hill. Then seeing that JJowderoukins's Ilobin-red-breast has caught the gate for his young master, the Jug again sets s-iil, with Lob by his side, w'ho asks him anxiously, " AVhy they don't keep with the hounds ? " " I'll show you," says the Jug, rather posed with the question. " I'll show you," says he ; and after clattering along the field road and swinging open several more convenient gates, he at length passes right through farmer 8weetland*s stack-yard, and presents his followers with a fresh smiling landscape, just as Sweetland's cur, having chased the fox, has brought the liounds to a stand-still on a large rough fallow two fields below the comfortable well- stocked liomestead. "There ! " said the Jug, ])ointing triumphantly to the hounds, " there," said he, " you have them without risking your neck over the hedges and ditches." " "Well, but I like leaping," says Lob, stealing on and making FLAIN OB BINGLETS? 335 for the liouuds instead of waitin<>; witli the Jug- to see which woy they will go next. Little Albert Arthnr follows Lob's example, but sweet AVilHam, Bowderonkins, and the rest remain with onr deputy master, ]\Ir. Buyston. Mark, Mr. Jovey Jessop's second horseman, then detaches himself from the miscellaneous group of WliLL DONE, YOUNG UN ! ' servants, and trots gently on with an eye on the adventnrous yonths. Lob pulls up at a respectful distance from the field, and eyes J\rr, Jessop's proceedings with his hounds, now casting them, now letting them alone. So he holds them round the south side of the large fallow — every hound working his best, but unable to recover the scent. At length Trueman after a pre- :vM\ I ' I. A I x () i: II I .V t ; i. /•; rs ? «'aiiti()ii;iry whimp'r drops his stmi with a vigorous pvoclaniation, and dashes at tho iiciLihliouriiiL; licdiicrow as if iic cxpoctcd to tiiul (lio ibx in (he niiddk' of it. Life is aiiaiii inl'iiscd into the lately droopiiiii' pat-k. antl inipetnosity snp]ih\'s thcjihiet) of caiv. Horses and riders catch the enthusiasm, and theiv is a complete electrifi- cation of the wlutle. The hounds (hish at; the liedc^erow, which liends and breaks with tlieir wei.ijht. .Mr. Jessop follows close on the tail ones, cleariuii- the wattled fencL! and yawning ditc^h in his stride. Horncynuin does the same, the next man breaks the witherinus, the third displaces some cut and laid growers, while the fourt,h brushes all away together, and nearly reposes after a flounder in the broad black ditch beyond. His horse having at length extricated his hind legs and re-established himself on terra iirma, to the great satisfaction of his rider, again sets sail, when the dread place has to be encountered by tho remanets, many of whom go w-h-o-a-ing and craneing, wishing themselves well over. That desirable feat accomplished by the next in rotation, he looks back and cries, "There's nothing to be afraid of!" so the succeeding man approaches it with increasing contidence, his young grey horse, however, throwing such an arch as apparently contradicts the assertion. Still, it is no time for turning ; every man hurries his neighbour, either for the purpose of getting over or putting an end to his own fears. "Now, Tomkins ! " "Now, Jenkins!" "Now, Jones!" So they go at it, each man according to his own fashion ; some straight, some sideways, some rushing, some creeping, some blundering clumsily. Now comes Lob, closely followed by little Arthur Iloneybrook : and Lob, running his pony well at the place, comes over with a bucking bound that looks as if he was clearing a hedge instead of a ditch. Lily of the Valley then creeps down the ditch and up again ; and Tiob, seeing Arthur well landed, swerves to the left, and giving his pony its head up the grass, spurts past all the old drab-coated farmers and people, closely followed by the white. So they get to the gate at the tail of the red-coats. Grass succeeds grass, and a small transparent hedge dividing the next enclosures, the sportsmen spread in the independent sort of way peculiar to safety, each man taking the young fence in his line, and Lob flying over it like the rest of the field. " Well done, young un ! " cries ]\Ir. Jovey Jessop, snatching a hasty backward glimpse from his now racing hounds. "Well done, young un ! " repeats he, as Albert Arthur, with a less leap than Lob's, lands on the right side of the hedge too. " Where's 'Sir. Eoyston ? " cries ^Mr. Jessop, looking further back for the " magister curser " of his hunt. " Where's Mr. Boyston ? " And echo answers, where ? A similar return is made to an enquiry after the boy with_the bun. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 337 Onr friends arc now on Cherrytree Hill, with the hounds swee])ing round its base, and a shepherd holding- up his hat in the distance to denote the line of the fox. The field are inside the semicircle, with a fall view of the contesting energies of the pack ; the rich-coloured Hotspur now leading, now Famous, now Fire- brand, now Pillager, the race being too great for much music. So they sweep over the perennially green meadows up to the point indicated by the conntryman. He has not headed him. On the contrary, being what they call a "slee chap," he dropped down into the ditch, when by the running of the sheep he saw the fox was coming, and had an uncommonly good stare as he passed through a meuse a httle below where he was hid. He is a'most sure he's the varra fox that stole their turkeys i' the spring. Countrymen always declare that a fox is dead beat, but upon the present occasion the shepherd was not far wrong in his assertion, for the fox having eaten a very hberal late supper, is in no condition to compete with Mr. Jovey Jessop's fleet stout-running hounds. The scent too is better than is convenient under the circumstances, and altogether, what with surprise at being whipped so unceremoniously out of his ivy-mantled tower, confusion at being stared full in the face by Mr, Jessop and driven from his point, together with not being able to make up his mind whether to shape his course for Chippendale woods or the craigs at Raven's Hill, he doesn't exactly know what to do. The cry of the hounds, and the cheer of the hunters, however, keep him going, for he feels it would never do to let them come up with him. So he travels on, trusting to beating them again as he has beat them twice before. Third time, however, they say, is catching time, and it is destined to be so on the present occasion. Steering an intermediate course between the craigs and the woods, he gets into a more populous neighbourhood — a country dotted with hamlets and small farm-houses, with their concomitant curs and other incumbrances. The further he advances the more he gets holloaed and viewed, until the whole country seems raised against him. The roads, too, run conveniently, and the clatter of the horses and the noise of the macadamites makes confusion worse confounded. The Jug and Billy Rough'un are both in a high state of excitement, the Jug at having laid out of his ground by riding for Chippendale Woods, Billy Rough'un at being kept on the hard road when he wants to be racing in the fields alongside the musical hounds. The Jug has reduced the number of his small friends and increased that of his large ones ; Bowderoukins's ])ony having peremptorily refused to risk its shins by passing over a tumble-down wall, while Lishman and Brisket of Pitt- ville have turned up from nobody knows where — the " George and Dragon " at Crossfield, perhaps — and arc long trotting z :i:w / ' /. .1 / .V oi: n i \ ( ; i. /■; rs / in the loose stick-oiit-lcj,' sort of way peculiar to ])ut(luM-.s and UroviTs. Till' .Iu<; is icil-lint ; his face is as rod as his coat. Hilly lu)Ui,'h"un has hnnipcdand shaken him till he feels like aniraL dish of calves' feet jelly. AVhat with the excitement of riding' the wronj; way, and then makinji;' np his lost <;round, the excitement of hcinjx bullied for doinj^ so, the excitement of looking; after the younu:sters, and the excitement of keepinji^ l^iHy Rou'ih'un in somethini; like moderate subjection, the poor Juj;' is nearly overpowered. Added to this, he doesn't know but that y; course of gates with a double fence in the distance, he boldly forsakes the road, resolved to be up at the end. His gallant tail follow suit, and there is presently a reunion of the field. " Hillo, Green ! " " Holloa, Brown ! " '" What, Smith ! are you there ? " proceed from the fieldites, who look at the roadsters much in the manner of hounds when a straggler comes up. Mr. Bunting, who has been most comfortably carried by the Bold Pioneer, asks ilr. Boyston where he has been ? •' Busy with the youngsters, Itusy with the youngsters," replies the Jug, leading his little troop outside the now halting horseman. The fox is now running so short, and the enclosures are so queer and cramped, that with a failing scent, it requires all ^Ir. Jovey Jessop's skill — science the fine writers call it — to keep the hounds on the line of the scent. The fox has evidently no idea which way he is going, running up Tommy Hoggin's potatoe field, down Mrs. Mason's pasture, and back over through farmer Fothergill's turnips. He has now lain down among the turnips, but mistrusting their flaccid security, he incautiously jumps uj) just as the hounds enter the field, when a shrill holloa gets them a view, and away they race. Pillager and the fox at length rolling over together down the slope of tlie adjoining pasture. Firebrand, Absolute, and General, complete the worry ; and in an instant the rest of the pack are rumblety, tumblety, head-over-heels, with the fox in the middle ! Mr. Jfcssop jumping off his horse is presently in the midst of them, and stooping and extricating the fox from their fangs, holds up as fine an old dog one as ever was seen. Then the frantic pack jump and bay at our master, Victory, with a surj)rising spring, seizing the fox by the brush, and hanging on despite Mr. Jessop's efforts to disengage him. Horneyman, who is close at PLAIN OR BINGLETS? 339 liaucl, gives his hoi'se to a hind, and dashing up on fool, clears a ring round his master, who dropping the fox on the green sward. Victory lets go his hold, and slinks away to his companions around. Then, after a brief inspection and guess at the fox's age, out comes the old buck-handled knife, with which Horneyman performs the last obsequies of the chase, whipping off his fine head, which lie lays on the ground, and handing the brush and pads as he kneels to our mastei'. The mutilated remains Horneyman then holds up on high, when the wrath of the pack being excited by the hoops and holloas of the horsemen, the carcase is thrown in mid air, and descending is caught by a myriad of mouths. Worry, worry, worry, rush, crush, growl, snarl, scramble, is then the order of the day. " Keep away your horses ! " then cries Mr. Jessop, fearing for his hounds, when Resolute and Dexterous giving a unanimous pull, the carcase rolls down hill, and the danger is over. " Now, where are the youngsters ? " exclaims Mr. Jessop, advancing with his whip under his arm, and the proud trophies in his hand — " Where's Lob ? " cries he, looking about for the rider of the skew-bald. " Here ! " cries the Jug, who has now got his little party marshalled around him. " Well, now Lob, here's the brash for you, ray fine lad," says Mr. Jessop, advancing towards him ; " but stop," added he, " we must blood you first." So saying, Mr. Jesso]) made Lob a very fine moustaclie and imperial with the blood of the fox. " Now then," said he, fastening the brush into Lob's bridle, ''you tell your Mamma that you rode like a man." Then advancing to little Honeybrook, he smeared his face too, and giving him a pad, says he may tell his Mamma the same ; after which Mr. Jovey Jessop handed the rest of the pads to his Jug to distribute as he chose. The hounds meanwhile having finished their wrangling repast, and the whip fastened the fox's head into the couples, people begin to look at their watches, those who have had enough enquiring their ways home, others asking Mr. Jessop what he will draw next. Chippendale Woods being the never- failing resort, the word is given for them, which causes a still further dispersion of the field, one man dropping otf at one lane end, another at another, till the Jug, our hero, and our master are the only red coats that remain. The deep-holding rides — enough to pull a horse's legs olf — are too good a chance for J\Ir. lioyston to lose for taming Billy Rough'un, otherwise he would have preferred drawing Mr. Walker's or Mr. Eglantine's on his way home for a luncheon. As it is he lays the foundation for a future visit by sending his compliments, and desiring the boys to tell their ■/. 2 :vj(t /'/. .i/.v n/; i:i X(; li:ts ? .Maiiiinns that he will look in uikui tlicin tlu' first time he is passiiii;. lie tiien, coMsii,Miiiiij tiiem to the servants, takes a jjood lioldiiij; jrri]) of Billy Koiiirlini), as much as to say, now that we are dear of all care. I'll see whether you or I shall be master. And what with a slack rein, and an occasional touch of the spur, at the end of twenty minutes after tliey found, he ccrtaiidy was a very dilVerent Hilly Roujjh'un to what lie was durinj; the first run, ami the .luijr had the satisfaction of brinuimr him home very tame. He then added li'O/. to his price, 140/. beiu'j: what he considered him worth to any one who could ride him. And not beinu" disposed to keep more horses than he wanted, he rocked himself asleep at night thinking whom he would suit. CHAPTER LXIII. MR. ARCHEY ELLENGER'S DINNER. Our hero, Mr. Bunting, did not prosecute the chase in Chippendale Woods. True, he went there, but it was only for the purpose of slipping away without the disagreeable leave-taking that we all dislike so. (Ireetings are pleasant, but adieus are melancholy. 80 when ]\rr. Jovey .Jessop began yoicking and cheering his hounds on the high side of the extensive wood, Mr. Bunting struck up the middle ride, and, by aid of certain land- marks he had previously established, succeeded in finding his way into the Rookery lane, from whence he presently diverged upon the Buckworth and Badger field road. He then, by dint of copious inquiries and sundry deviations that he would have avoided if piloted by the Jug, came upon the more familiar landscape surrounding Appleton Hall. The house gained, he surrendered his horse, and committed himself to the care of the St. Leger pill-bo.\ on his return to Lord Cornwallis. The day was .Saturday, and he was engaged to dine with Mr. Archey Ellenger on the following one. Sunday was a dies non at Appleton Hall, both in the eating, drinking, and dressing Avay. There were neither sea-side coats nor tweeds, nor deer-stalker hats, nor turbans with tassels, nor any of the complications of modern ingenuity to be seen ; but, on the contrary, very sedate Sunday clothes of the plain orthodox order. The Jug always inaugurated a pair of clean nankins, in which, regardless of the weather, with a large Boyston Park prayer-book, "\vra])ped up in a red cotton kerchief, he stumped perseveringly to church, accompanied by Mr. Jessop, and such of the sen-ants as liked his leading. The clergyman dined at the Hall, and there was a sermon for the establishment and neighbour- PLAIN OR BINGLETS? 341 hood in the evening. So Mr. Jessop commenced the week well, and prospered in the course of it, as he deserved to do. But we must follow our friend Mr. Bunting to his uncomfortable quarters at Burton St. IjCger. " Oh, I shall not dine at home to-day," exclaimed our hero to Mrs. Muldoon, as she appeared after breakfast at the door of his sitting-room to know what he would like to have for dinner, just as if he could have anything he called for. " I shall not dine at home to-day," repeated he, wishing to get rid of her, for he had stuck fast in the middle of a sonnet to Miss Rosa's ringlets, which he now thought he could hit off if she would go away. " Oh, indeed," replied Mrs. ]\Iuldoon, looking somewhat dis- concerted, adding, "I'd got a goose, thinking you might like a little change." " Had you," replied Mr, Bunting, " had you ; well, it will do for another day — it will do lor another day ; " adding, " I'm going to dine with Mr. Arcbey Elleuger to-day." " Indeed ! " mused Mrs. Muldoon, who, having now mastered the whole Privett Grove mystery, thought he might be going there. " I shall Avant a conveyance of some sort ! " exclaimed our friend, as she was about to withdraw ; " I shall want a convey- ance of some sort — I s'pose I can have the thing I had yesterday ? " " Well, sir, I dare say you can," replied Mrs. ]\ruldoon, who had a convenient arrangement witli the owner. "■ I'll send along and see." She then withdrew, and desired sore-eyed Sam to slip up and see if they could have Dr. Catcheyside's carriage, which, as usual, was much at ]\Irs. IMaldoon's service. Our hero, however, being still unable to extricate the muse, after a series of stumbles and flounders, at length shut up his desk, deciding that ringlets did not become Rosa, and presently obeyed the summons of the bells to church. In the afternoon he took a stroll about the place, met pretty Rebecca Mary dressed like a duchess, and sore-eyed Sam in all the glaring impotence of satin. There is nothing like a sloven for getting up smart on a Sunday. Mr. Bunting then had a look at his good-for-nothing horses, and Avondered what lie should do Avith them at the end. And, having exhausted the resources of the place, as the shades of evening drew on, he retired to his room Avhere Rebecca Mary, having ])ut off" her fine beaded bonnet and laid aside her parasol, was deranging her hoops by making up the Avhite-ash burning fire. .lust as our friend was thinking of retiring to his bed-room to put on a dress-coat and Aest and a pair of japanned Wellington boots with red morocco legs, the roll of a carriage Avas heard driving rapidly up to the inn door, which Mr. P>unting would have tliought was coming for him, had not a AX)ice immediately 'M-2 ri.Aiy o i: i: i xc l i:t!< ? lK.'1'n lioanl cxclaimiiiir. " l>^ Mi'- Uuiitiim- i^diu; ? Is Mr. IJiiiitiiiLi- Uoiio ? " '* Xt», sir," ropliod sorc-cyod Sain, who had been attraeted to the arc-hway by tlie sound of the wheels ; " but I expec-t Dr. Catehey- side's carriaire eoniini; for him every niiiuite." " Oh, that's all right ! " cxelaimed the voice, cheerfidly, "that's all rijrht ! " addinjr, "then stand by my horse while I slip np stairs ; " so sayinir, the speaker alijj^hted and proceeded to "rope his way towai'ds an ei,<;ht-in-the-ponnd monld-candlc fiickeriuif in a glass cracked lantern placed against the wall at the bottom of the stairs. " Vot name shall I eno mce ?" asked ^Monsieur IJonville of the stranger, Monsieur, too, having been attracted to the stairs by the sound of the wheels. " ]\lr. Ellenger — ^Ir. Archibald Ellcnger," replied the arriver, making the most of his name. "Ellenger, Ellenger, Avhy that's the man I'm going to dine with," muttered ^Ir. Bunting, as the familiar sound came up the little staircase leading to his room. ]\Ir. Ellenger then ran a dead heat with liis name. " Ah, my dear fellow ! " exclaimed he, tripping gaily into the apartment, seizing Mr. Bunting's right hand witli both his, and ])ressing it fervently. " Ah, my dear fellow ! I'm so glad I've got in time to stop you — I'm so glad I've got in time to stop you ; I've had a desperate misfortune at home — I've had a desperate misfortune at home. My cook's got so scandalously drunk that she is utterly incompetent — j)ut the cod-fish on to the spit, and wanted to boil the goose with lobster sauce I " " What fun ! " exclaimed ]Mr. Bunting, not sorry to be otf the engagement. " Fun to her, but death to us," rejoined ^Ir. Ellenger, releasing Mr. Bunting's hand. " I'd got the nicest little dinner and the nicest little party that ever were arranged ; and then the cruel catamaran goes and spoils all by her confounded intemperance." " A^'eIl, better luck next time," replied ^Ir. Bunting, soothingly ; " better luck next time." " Ah, that's \ery kind of you," rejoined ^Mr. Ellenger, again seizing ^Ir. Bunting's hand and pressing it warmly ; " that's very kind of yon, but I assure you I feel the disappointment exceedingly." " ^lisfortunes will haj^pen in the ])est regulated families — misfortunes will happen in the best regulated families," rejoined Mr. Bunting. "Ho they will," said ]\rr. Ellenger, "so they will; and we must just make the best of it," adding adroitly, " there's nothing like a lady for keeping matters right. I wouldn't have cared-so much if it had been any day but Sunday," observed ]\Ir. Ellenger; "only PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 343 when fi man loses bis Sunday dinner, lie has no place to fall back upon." " Oh, yes, I have," rejoined our hero, " I've a goose in the house." " Goose in the house ! have you," exclaimed Mr. Ellenger, brightening up ; "goose in the house ! well, that's a good hearing." " At least, there was," observed Mr. Bunting, " and I've not smelt its disappearance. A goose, you know, leaves a strong scent." " So it does," said Mr. Ellenger, " so it does ; and by the way I'll tell you what," continued he, as if a bright thought had just struck him, " I'll tell you what, I'll just go down stairs and see if it is in existence still, and tell them to put it down, and I will dine with you, and you shall dine with me some other day." " Do," replied Mr. Bunting, rather chagrined at the proposal. " Dine as soon as it is ready, I suppose ? " asked ]\Ir. Ellenger. '• Oh, yes," said Mr. Bunting, " I shall be ready when it is." " That's a bargain ! " exclaimed our brisk old friend, wheeling about and leaving the room. He then proceeded down stairs, making straight for the street, where sore-eyed Sam stood in charge of the horse. "Sam," said he, "put up that horse; give him two feeds of corn and hay, and have him ready to put to about nine o'clock ; but don't put him to till I tell you," " Yes, sir," replied Sam, surprised at the magnificence of the order, for Archey was generally a pail of water, and " I'll remember you next time," man. The horse thus disposed of, ]\Ir. Ellenger next made for the bar. to see what he could do for himself. " Ah, j\Iatty ! " exclaimed he, going gaily into the little room just as he had done to Mr. Bunting ; " ah, ]\Iatty ! how goes it," advancing up to the sot as he sat with his glass and his pipe by the fire. "AVho is it ?" asked Mr. Muldoon, not recognising Archey in his dark non-hunting dress. " Who is it ? " repeated Archey, " why, me to be sure. IMr. Ellenger ! " " Ellenger — Ellenger," growled Muldoon, knocking the ashes out of his pipe on the floor. " Ellenger — Ellenger," repeated he, looking intently at his own toes for an idea, "why, you owe me three and iiinepence," said lie, blinking intently at xVrchey. " No, I don't," replied Mr. Ellenger. " Yes, you do," asserted Matty, confidently. " How do you make it out ? " demanded Mr. Ellenger. " Make it out," replied Matty, " make it out — the missis makes it out ; but I know you do." " Hut, fiddle man ; you're drunk man," replied IMr. Ellenger, turning carelessly away. " Drunk ! " retorted Matty, " drunk ! there's not a soberer 344 /'/..i/.v (U: i;i xc Lirrs f risjH'ctaMir man in Ikr .Mnjtsty's doniiii — niiiiiniis than (liiccnj)) J. What do yc»n (hiccuiO mran by sayin<; Vm (hiccnj)) ? " dc- mandcd ho, bUnkinj,' and shakini,^ liis hi'ad aii,uddiiig ? " replied Archey : "well, ajiple pudding's very good with goose. Yes, we'll liave an apple pud- ding. And now about wine — what wine have you ? " "We have all sorts of wine," replied ^Mrs. Muldoon ; "port, sherry. ]\Iadeira, cowslip, tent, grape, and elder." " Bother your gi-ape and elder ! " retorted Archey ; " have you any champagne ? " " Well, yes, we just have one bottle," replied ]\Irs. Muldoon ; " one bottle that we kept for old Lord Lushborough, who used to sleep here on his way up and down." " Lord Lushborough ! Lord Lushborough's been dead these twenty years ! " exclaimed Archey. " AVell, not so long as that," rejoined ]\[rs. ]\[uldoon ; "it was shortly after the opening of the i-aihvay, which ruined our calling, and we have never been asked for a bottle since." PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 345 " Ah, well, it will be good for nothing ; but, however, you may send it up, and if it's drinkable we'll drink it, if not you'll get it back." So saying, and after urging Mrs. Muldoon to activity, Mr. Ellenger retired, followed by a heavy growl from Matty about the three and ninepcnce he owed him. Having reported to Mr. Bunting what he had done, Mr. Ellenger then excused himself for half an hour while he went to visit his good friend Mr. Buckwheat, and see if he could arrange a billet with him for some luture occasion. The half-hour was somehow protracted into an hour ; and when Archey came blundering down the street in the dark, the smell of the goose would have arrested his progress even if the economical candle had not been flickering an equivocal light in the archway. Mr. Ellenger stopped like a pointer crossing a scent, and, turning short in, regaled his olftictory nerves with the smell as he proceeded leisurely up stairs to Mr, Bunting's apartment. Here he found our friend making anoth'jr attempt at the im- practicable sonnet, wdiich he whipped away with his rhyming dic- tionary into his desk. Mr. Ellenger then hung up his hat and proceeded to make himself at home. He was so sorry about the cook — nasty drunken creature — but ho would give her up in the morning. However, things might have been worse if they could not have got any dinner ; and while they were discussing the matter, the increased clatter of plates below was followed by the liump of a tray against the turn of the staircase, and Bonville pre- sently appeared with the fish. The haddocks were good, the goose was good, and though the champagne was dead and ropy, the sherry was passable, and so was the port. Mr. Ellenger did ample justice to all. The leathery cheese being at length removed, the cloth drawn, and some red hard-featured ap])les and lemon-coloured oranges placed on the table, IMonsieur Bonville having arranged the composites, presently withdrew, shutting our friends up for a confab. Mr. Ellenger was one of those accommodating gentlemen who will tell people anything they see they want told. Of course he knew all about our friend and IMiss Rosa, and after a cursory glance at some of the other beauties — the Springfields, the Beau- champs, the 15edfords — he turned the conversation upon her. Like ]\Irs. 'J'om Trattles, he knew, or professed to know, every- thing — how much there was in the funds, how much in railways, how much in canal shares. Altogether he made out a very en- couraging report. He only hoped Miss llosa would marry some producible person, and not that young cub of a banker. Ai'chey did not like " sivin and four," who had hitherto successfully resisted all attemjjts on his larder. He liad never been able to get even as much as a water-biscuit out of him. To Mr. Jiuiiting's incjuiry if he really thought there was any- thing between Miss Kosa and young (ioldspink, Mr. Ellenger 340 / ■ /. I / A' n /; /; / .\' ( : I. K TS / ropliinl, with si sliriiu: »'f lii^^ slmnldors, that he ivally coiildirt say, he only knew he was freiiuently there ; and when a yonn;; man went to a hunsc wliere theie was a yoiini: lady, of course there was always the nsnal inference. And ]Mr. IinntinL% not wishini:- to appear too ineen quite the saving of ^Ir. Jessop, who but for his good and virtuous guidance would soon have degenerated into a regular sot. Then as to Admiration Jack and Jasper, the ladies (for it is they alone who dabble in these matters) declared that either was excel- lent, whichever in fact seemed to be the favourite ; so that all seemed to be unanimous, so far as the tongues were concerned. If, however, !Mamma and !Miss Rosa could have over-heard the mirth and ejaculations that burst forch as their dear friends got PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 347 away from the bouse, they would not have had ranch opinion of iheii- sincerity — little flirt— old fool — drunken creature, alluding" to Boyston, — pity him — pity her — pity them, and so on. Our friend Mr. Bunting, as we said before, had had much ex- perience in courtship, and though be had undoubtedly been kept POri'IN'O THK (iUKSllON. in abeyance a good ^vhile, yet he was not altogether unwilling to procni.^tinate the suit, so long as he felt certain of winning at last. Despite Mr. Archey Ellenger's information, and also despite meet- ing our friend Jasper at the (irove, occasionally, he had no doubt whatever that he himself was to be the ha})py man, and so treated Jasper with a ])ropor mixture of i)ity and condescension. The :us /•/. .i/.v oi; i;i .\(; i.irrs ^ lulvont iif the .luiriiow, liowi'ViT, ratlifrnlttird iiiatti'is, and Mamma tliiiikiii!^' Uosa miulit »li> well to suit hcnsoll' with one or otlior of till' jiontK-iiK'n, irave Iut tlu" usual opitortiiuities, losinj^ her keys, forircttiuLr lu-r kercliii-f, or Iteiiii:- called away to see new servants, and so on. Some ladies pretend to i;et oilers withdiit exi)cctinectations, and the beautiful villa they were huildiuu-, of which she produced the })lans, showiuu' the kin'hcns. ceUars, and shoe-house, larder, dairy, and everyLhin<,^ Then, after a i)rolontri-'d sit, dear ^Mrs. ]\rcI)ennott returned dear !Mrs. CJoldspink's kiss, and saw her to her carriai^e, feeling con- siderably relieved by the result of her visit. And jMrs. Gold- si)ink made such a representation to her son as induced liim to jiostpone as well his aerial tlis^ht, as his journey to Van Dicnicn's J.and. CHAPTER LXV. MAMMA INSTEAD OF MISS. The same want that we named before — that of some instrument or invention whereby people may be enabled to ascertain the hidden thoughts and feelings of others, again beset our friend Mr. IJuuting in his pursuit of the fair and beautiful Miss Rosa. *• Dear Alamma," as he had now liegun to call ]\Irs. IMcDermott, who liad thereto been all smiles and confidence, suddenly changed, and became so pressingly urgent to know all about him and his atfairs, that he could not imagine what had ha])pcned. The morning after her visit to ilrs. Goldspink, at May field, instead of descending as he expected upon Miss Rosa alone in the drawing- room, he was shown up a step into the parlour, where sat ]Maunna, hemming a stout Baden Baden towel, who at once two-fingered him into a very uneasy high-backed low chair, saying with a keen <;ye and a somewhat comi)ressed mouth, that she wislied to have a few minutes' conversation with him Itel'ore he saw Aliss Rosa ; laying a slight emphasis on the Avord Miss. Mr. liunting of course knew what was coming, and demeaned himself accordingly, taking liis seat with the air of a man entering a dentist's throne. Airs. McDermott did not begin as some of his lady confessors had done, Ity asking about his religious principles, his jwlitical opinions, or speaking on any extraneous sul)ject, but after a dry prefatory /icm, she glanced at the compliment he had paid to her daughter, and the high opinion they both entertained of him, and then proceeded to say that she was sure Mr. Bunting would agree with her that it was desirable to come to a distinct understanding as soon as possible, for that long engagements were always to be deprecated, and iX3ople did talk so that it made her PLAIN OB BINGLETS.^ 351 quite nervous and uncomfortable, and in short she should like exceedingly to have the tliiu£r settled forthwith. And after a few repetitions she began to piuch the Baden Baden towel severely, as if in search of fresh ideas. Mr. Bunting, who during this exordium had been twii'ling his turban hat, then dropped it on the floor, and clasping his hands, with upturned eyes, proceeded to indulge in the most high-tlown panegyrics on the beauty of her daughter, the sweetness of her smile, the perfection of her figure, the elegance of her walk ; declaring that her electric eyes had quite penetrated his heart the first moment he had seen her. To all which compliments Mrs. McDermott kept smirking and smiling and pinching the Baden towel, considering how she should get him worked round into the right tack. "AYell, I'm sure Rosa has cause to be proud of your good opinion," at length interposed she : "• but couitsbip and matri- mony, you know, are proverbially different, and it won't do to marry smiles and dimples and pretty figures alone ; there must be prudence and consideration for the future, and now, you know, is the proper time for making all necessary arrangements." " Undoubtedly," replied ]\rr. Bunting, " undoubtedly ; though with the girl of one's heart these matters are of very minor im- portance." And before Mrs. McDermott could interpose her opinion to the contrary, our poetical friend had broken right away with his favourite quotation : '• With her conversing I forget all time, All seasons and their change," kc. going right through to the end of it. Mrs. ^IcDermott, however, kept the point steadily in her mind, and when he had concluded she looked up from her towel, and drily observed that love in a cottage was very well in theory, but it did not do in practice — that all ladies liked large houses, and concluded by asking him point blank if he hadn't a castle in Scotland. '• Well — ye-as," drawled Mr. Bunting, looking at the tip of his Balmoral boot. "llosa would like a castle," observed J\lrs. McDermott, drily "What was it called?" " I)Untingbury Castle," replied our hero. " Bimtingbury Tastle, indeed — called after himself ? " "After my gi-andfather. Admiral hunting," replied our friend. "Oh, indeed I a family place, is it ?" observed jMi's. JMcDei- raott, perking up — Goldspink and Garlandale rather going down. " Was it large ? " asked she. " Well, no — not large — usual size of a castle, I suppose. :{.'»•_» ri.A I X (n: i; i \ < ; i. /•; rs ? rcj^liod oiir Ikmm : (just as il' thero was ever a usual size for a castle — Little Hclvoii-, aiul real Melvoir, for instance). Mrs. .McDernioit then ajipiied iu-rsclf assiduously to her IJadcu Baden towel, takini:: some rapid stitches, and an equally rapid reirosj»ect of the Roseherry Rocks auonyiuous letter. The writer, if she recollected ri,u;ht. couldn't say that ilr. IJuutinf^ hadn't a castle — only told her to (juestiou him ahout his castle, AVell, she had questioned him about bis castle, and lie said be bad one. AVhat more could she do ? She really tbouo;bt the writer bad just wanted to spoil Rosa's cbauce. Aud (ioldspink and (Jarlandale suuk still lower iu her estimation. Bnntintifbury Castle ou tbe top of a letter would sound far finer than (rarlandale, (Jarlan- dale Lodge, or (Jarlandale Villa, or whatever they decided to call it. ""Well," said ^Irs. ^IcDermott, lookinii,- up fmni her work witb a smile, " I suppose it will be all riccbt." " I suppose so," replied ^Ir. Buntinjr, who bad rather his mis- givings about the castle. He could have wished that " dear mamma" bad led off witb some exposition of what she herself would do than thus throw the onus of the whole arrangement upon bim. If she married tbe Jug, who was evidently after ber, there would be very small chance of getting ber to give up any part of ber life interest in what tbere Avas to dear Rosa. Alto- gether Mr. Bunting was as depressed as Mrs. McDermott was elated. He was tired of tbe returns made to tbe castle inquiries, and would gladly have left that property out of the reckoning, or only brought it in incidentally. Now, if the before-mentioned mucb-wantcd invention or instru- ment were in existence and use, our hero would have seen bis way clearly through his dilemma — would have said at once when John Thomas usbered him up stairs instead of down " Ab, my dear ]\Irs. McDermott, I know bow it is — I know bow it is — ]\Irs. Gold- spink and you bare had an imparlauce, and as I can't compete in the casb way, I must withdraw." For want of that knowledge, as we shall now show, he was led on to the lawyers. " I have no doubt it will be all right," again observed Mi-s. ^McDermott, who having considered the matter further over remembered what ^Irs. Trattles had said about the property. " I have no doubt it will be all right," repeated she, thinking 3Ir. Bunting was modest and did not wish to magnify bis means. Our friend inwardly wished that it might be all right. " Well, then," resumed Mrs. McDermott, measuring the towel off witb her forefinger, " as ladies are not gi-eat bands at business, and I really know nothing about it (here she did herself injustice, for she was a dab hand at it, and always thought herself cheated, "whatever she got) — as ladies are not great hands at business, and I really know nothing whatever about it, perhaps the best thing PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 3oS- will be to leave the farther arrangements to our respective lawyers." '•Perhaps it will," assented Mr. Bunting, who had a very- wholesome dread of their perplexing interference. How many promising matches he had known them nip in the bud ! In fact no man should say he is going to be married until he gets their assent. There are far more fires stamped out than fanned up. " Mr. Ballivant — ]\Ir. George Ballivant, of Hassenden, is my solicitor," observed Mrs. IMcDermott. " There are two Balli- vants, George and John — but I don't like John, he let a party rather get the advantage of me in the matter of a cow. George is my man, and I'll send for him to come over, say to-morrow — the sooner these matters are settled the better, and then we shall have nothing but pleasurable arrangements to occupy us." " So be it," said Mv. Bunting, with a bow, and certain inward qualms as to the result. "Well, then, shall we go and see Rosa ?" asked Mamma, rising and folding her Baden Baden towel as she spoke. '' If you please," said Mr. Bunting, getting up from the stool of repentance and proceeding to open the door. Mamma then led the way down the step, and along the little passage to where a yellow ochre sheep-skin denoted the descent to the drawing-room. The door opened, when lo ! who should appear but our fat friend Jasper ; Jasper in the full swing of Miss Rosa's work-box, just as if it were his own — Miss too smiling through her Ringlets at something he was saying. " Holloa, old boy ! how are you ? said Mr. iiunting haughtily, after squeezing Rosa's soft hand with a gloveless embrace. He had come in with the full expectation of saluting her more enthu- siastically, and was much disappointed at the result. " Holloa, old boy, how are you ? " was the familiar inquiry he now made of the destroyer of all his expected bliss. " Tol-lol," replied Jasper, now carelessly rolling a pink and a green silk winder backwards and forwards on the table in a race. Mr. Bunting then took a seat on the other side of the charmer, who was busy pricking her fingers pretending to work, though in reality much perplexed at this unlucky meeting of her suitors. She well knew what Mamma had been doing, and now judged fi'om her face that things had gone right, and that she ought not to have been in Ringlets. But Rosa maintained an efjuitable ecpiilibrium between the two gentlemen notwithstanding, giving as much of her attention to one as the other. And ea(;h ultimately left witli a comfortable anticipation of the future, Jasper, who dined earliest, liaving to go first, Mamma was enabled to inform Mi-. Bunting at parting that she had written to Mr. Balli\ant to be at Privett (h'ove at twelve on the morrow, when she hoped Mr. Bunting would be able to come. And Mr. Bunting promised that A A :\:.4 ri.A I .\ n /.' /; / ,v i : i. /•; rs t lie would; luul ln.-iilj; i-allod awav willi \\vx kiys, nur hero drew for tljc bliss and intorcHt that Ik' had Ihcm illy, as sore-eyed Sam called the gray, him- self) was seen wending his way past the window, making for the front door. A gentle tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, of the bell, was quickly followed by the tramp of John Thomas's feet to open the door. " He will show him into the parlour," observed Mrs. McDermott, as Mr. Ballivant began fidgetting and getting himself ready to rise for a presentation — " he will show him into the parlour, and no\Y before we go," continued she, gathering herself up, and growing urgent as she spoke, " Don't forget to ask him about his castle, whether it has turrets and towers and everything becoming," adding, " Rosa would like a nice place — now mind the step," continued she, leading the way to the door, and pointing to the unfortunate impediment, which being cleared, she continued her course along the passage, giving Mr. Ballivant a similar caution as to the ascending step at the parlour door. That being opened, ]\Ir. Bunting was discovered warming his hands before a spluttering lire, after a rather chilly ride, rendered more irksome by the unfortunate infirmity of his horse, who, indeed, seemed to get worse in his wind instead of better. Mrs. McDermott advanced and received him most cordially, apologising for the badness of the fire, fearing he was cold, and then introducing Mr. Ballivant to warm him, after a few common- j'jlaces about the weather, she said she would retire, as she really knew nothing al)Out business, and they would do much better without her. So saying, she gave her crinoline a twirl, observing as she sailed away, that they would find her in the drawing-room when they were done. And in another second our her(^ found himself alone with his father confessor, pic-nics, polkas, sonnets, regattas, witchery of all sorts, coming at last to tlie dull shrine of Plutus. Half an hour would settle the hopes and aspirations of half a-year. Mr. Ballivant was a rough man but an honest one, and treated every thing in a cool business-like way. " Well, now," said he, scrutinising our dandified friend atten- tively as the rustle of the departing petticoats subsided, " I s'pose :;:.i; /•/. i/.v m: i: i sc i.i-:ts? voii know wliat I've come for. I've notliiii!:- to do with your looks, or your iniuiners, or yoiii- liufiire, or iiotliinu; of tliut sort — those the kidic's will plciisf themselves ahout — but just to in(|uire jjito your cireumslaiues, what you have <^ot, and what you will do, in short." ".lust so." re])hed .Mr. IJimtini:. wiHi knew the point (jiiitc as well as Mr. Ballivant did. "Miss MeDerinott will have a pnrty fortune," observed Mr. liallivant, beijinninjj^ by enhanciufj^ his oflerin<;, "and for looks, I think, 1 may say she is unsurpassed." "She's beautiful!" e.xclainied Mr. IJiintint^ enthusiastically. " and as good as she's beautiful ; " " in fact," added he, " hers is '• ' r>e.iuty too ric'b for use. for earth too dear.' "' " AVell, then, we'll not iro into that point either," interrupted ^Ir. Gallivant, " l)ut just dot down what you think wc should do." So sayinc:, he placed a couple of chairs side by side at the table. and diviuijj into his outside coat pocket, drew forth a sheet of note paper, ami a little brown llussia leatlui- inkstand. "Always travel with my own ini])lements," observed he, un- screwing the top of the inkstand, and plaeini,'- it before him ; " ladies' pens never write, only scratch," continued he, takinij one of his own out. He then ])ut on a pair of formidable-loukin*:" tortoise-ohell rimmed spectacles, through which, having glauced at the gi-eat broad nib of his pen, he smoothed out liis paper, and after a good steady stare at our friend, as though he were about t*^ take his portrait, said, " What shall we begin with, land or cash, £. s. (I. ? " " Ah, Sir, I see it's the old Hudibrastic story, " For when upon their ungot heirs Th'entail themselves and all that's theirs, What blinder bargrain e'er was driven Or wager laid at six or seven, To pass themselves away and turn Their children's tenants ere they're born," exclaimed ^Ir. Bunting, " everything tied up now-a-days." " Safe bind, safe find," replied ^Ir. Eallivant, nothing moved by Mr. Bunting's poetry ; but moving his pen as if he wished to be writing. Seeing there was no help for it, Mr. Bunting began with his money, reheareing his oft-repeated lesson with the ease of a chai'ity school-boy saying his catechism, so much in consols, .so much in Indian debentures, so much in railway shares, &c., all of whicl» j\Ir. Ballivant recorded in tremendous thick mile-stone-likc letters as Mr. Bunting spoke. 'just jot down what you think we should no." LP. 356. PL A IN ( ) 11 RING L E TS ? 357 When Mr. Ballivant invited him to his land, our hero went very delicately over that part of his story, observing that he did not exactly know how they could make it the subject of a settle- ment, inasmuch as it was forest which yielded an uncertain income — much or little — dependent of course upon the quantity of wood they cut ; but Mr. Ballivant having duly consulted the nib of his pen, thought Mr. Coupler, the conveyancer, would make something of it, at all events he would record the name, age, and acreage of tlie wood. And our hero having supplied him with these particulars, and given him a good deal of visionary information into the bargain, referring him to " Daftun on Planting" in corroboration of what he said, tried to have his own innings by asking about the " purty fortune " which his interro- gator had mentioned at starting. Mr. Bunting had been to Doctors' Commons, and knew that Mamma had the property for life. This turn rather threw the man-of-law off his point, and put him ujjon the evasive tack. " Yes, she would have a purty fortune — purty fortune for a lady at least," re])lied Mr. Ballivant, feeling that Mr. Boyston was going to pinch him in return. " Well, but is it in possession ? " asked our friend. " Possession ? yes, in possession — possession of her j\Iamma — Mrs. McDermott, at least." " Ah, that's another matter," replied our hero. " It will be a long time before her Mamma is done with — at least I hope so." Mr. Ballivant hoped so too. " Well, but Mr. Bunting supposed her Mamma would make ]\Iiss Rosa an allowance ? " Mr. Ballivant really could not answer that question. The two then sat mute for a while, Ballivant conning over the result of his inquiries as it appeared in his great thick penmanshi]) ; Bunting considering whether he should ask Ballivant if, in the event of Mrs. McDermott marrying again, any part of the fortune went away from her. He had forgotten to look at that part of the will, the Jug not being then in the field. Thinking that might be too pointed a question, he essayed to put it sideways : " They talk of Madam marrying again," observed he, rubbing his hands with ill-counterfeited glee. " Do they ? " replied the man of law, raising his brows, as if lie had never heard of it l)cfore. " Most likely all talk," suggested AFr. lUmting. " Most likely," assented Mr. Ballivant, casting back in his mind for something he felt he had foi-got. He could not hit it off — lie had milked his man clean as to his means, and could not think of any other topic. He was sure My. Bunting was desperately in love, and would do anything unreasonal)le in the way of a settle- tnent, which is always a most desirable state of mind in which to :i:.s / ' /. . I / .V ni: i; i .v t ; i. K TS ? Imvo a VDUiit; man. Biilli\!iiit thfii restored his little stmn])y ])eii to its case, and after aj^aiii conniii''; his notes, arose and held tiieni to the fire to dry the «rreat cesspools of ink of which they were composed. Jlr. Huntinu', feelinj,^ like a man retirinji^ irom a witness-bo.x, arose too, sjiyins;, " then I sup[)ose that will be all you'll want witii me ? " "I think so," rejilied Mr. Gallivant, tardily, '" I think so ; all at present at least — stay I— save the name of your solicitor;" which ^Ir. Hnntin^- having given him, our hero then shook hands with his executioner, and gladly retired to his charmer, Hlie was all smiles, radiance, and aflability ; and ]\Ianiniu, under pretence of seeing about luncheon, jjreseutly hurried away to the scene of the inquisition. Mr. Kallivaut was just uulimbering his great tortoisc-shell-rimmed spectacles and pocketing his implements of torture as she entered. " "Well, what have you made out ? " exclaimed Mrs. McDermott, with bated breath hastening up to him, "Well, mum, I think he'll do," replied Mr, Ballivant, slowly and sententiously, " I think he'll do." " You do, do you I " exclaimed Mrs, ^IcDermott, " Yes, mum, I think he will — he has a purty fortune." " How much ?" asked slie, coming at once to the point. "Well, that [ can't exactly say, mum, until I make further iucjuiries ; but I should say he has a purty fortune — j'cs, a purty fortune. And Miss Rosa, I told him, would have a purty fortune too." "Yes, when I'm done with it," rejoined Mrs. ^McDermott. *' Certainly," assented ^Mr. Ballivant, who suspected as much. " It's not a case of necessity, you know," whispered Mrs. McDer- mott ; " Rosa has another string to her bow, and a good one." " Perhaps so, mum," assented Mr. Ballivant, " perhaps so. mum ; but there's an old saying, you know, mum, about tb(! two stools, that you'll perhaps remember, mum." "There's no fear of that in this case," asserted ]\Iamma. " Well, as far as this gentleman is concerned I should say not," replied Mr. Ballivant, " Nor the other either," rejoined Mrs, McDermott. " Then INIiss Rosa is well laid in, and no doubt something will come of it ; meanwhile I will make some inquiries and report progress to you as quickly as I can." So saying, Mr. Ballivant made a sort of crab-like movement towards the door, in which he was checked by the following exclamation from Mamma : "But how about the Castle, is there a keep and a dungeon, and everything proper ? " " Oh, the Castle I " exclaimed Mr. Ballivant, stamping as he recollected himself ; " I knew there was something I'd forgotten. It iva.f the Castle ! How provokmg ! Had a flag-staff in my PLAIN Oli RINGLETS? 359 mind all the time, and somehow it got carried quite away to sea." " Oh yes, there should be a flag-staff too ! you know," replied Mamma,' " else how would ])eople know when they are at home ? " " Well then, mum, I really quite forgot all about it," said Mr. I>allivant, honestly. " I really forgot all about it, thinking of the more important points. Shall I make an excuse for seeing Mr. Bunting again ? " "I hardly know," mused Mrs. McDermott, "I hardly know. Perhaps we could manage an opportunity after luncheon." " Luncheon I never take, mum, thank'ee," replied Mr. Ballivant, hauling up a great gold watch by its new blue ribbon from his fob. " I dine at three, and it will take me that time to get home ; but I'll tell you what I can do, mum, I can make the inquiries by letter along with the others I have to institute." " Well, that may do perhaps," observed Mrs. McDermott, " or Rosa might make them herself of Mr. Bunting." " Certainly," assented Mr. Ballivant ; " or we might both make them, and then we could see how the stories agreed." " That would do," said Mrs. McDermott, apparently satisfied, and now leading the way to the door. " Rosa ! " exx-laimed she, as she got into the passage, " Rosa ! Mr. Ballivant is going away, dear ! " whereupon our fair heroine broke off' her tete-a-fcte with our friend, and came out of the drawing-room at once to greet and bid Mr. Ballivant good-bye. Ballivant bowed low to our beauty, who graciously tendered him her hand, which encouraged the grand inquisitor to repeat the opinion to her he had previously expressed to Mamma, namely, that he thought Mr. Bunting would do ; adding, that "he hoped he would make her a good husband, which he was sure she deserved to have ; " and that being about as much gallantry as he could muster at the moment, he turned to Mamma, saying, " 8till you know, nnim, it is well to be prudent, and I would advise you to keej) Miss back a little for the present." Whereupon Rosa, forgetting she had left the drawing-room door open, replied gaily, " Oh, you needn't be afraid of me, Mr. I'allivant ! You needn't be afraid of me, I'm not one of the sentimental sort," a hearing that was anything but agreeable to our hero, who thought himself quite irresistible. The old cast-iron-like calvhorse, having waited at the door for his cargo, Mr. Ballivant was presently in the fetid vehicle, and the harsh steps being raised, the dirty driver whipped lazily away, quite unconscious of the sensation the appearance of his passenger was creating in the country. " What's up ? " was the question at many a dinner and tea-table that day as Ballivant's vehicle was traced to Privett Grove. Was it tlu; Jug ? or was it ]\Iiss Rosa ? or was it the young Banker ? or who ? They would like un- Lominonly to know. MiMiiwliiK-, Mr. Ballivaiit liaviiii:; drivon away from the door. Miss Rosa tripprd uaily hack (o our IViund and cnihiiiccd him, as if she was the most lovinu', allbetioiiato lady in the workl — as if it was a re.nnkir case of Perish tSarof/ ! witli ivpu-d to the jxentk'man's feelings. And PiiiHnif l>illy, late Owen Ashford, h:ivinuj at k'nyth i^ot Mr. Bnntin<,f home, he ])ackcd np his i,M-andfather*s Daftun and sent it by book-post to Mr. liallivant, in corroboration of what he had said about the capabilities of his forest. And Kosa, reviewing the past, really thouijht that the iripsey's prophecy was i,^oing to come true. And c(»nsiderin,u' that Hallivant was satisfied, we really sec no reason for forbidding the banns. Let us now return to other parties who will be instrumental in unravelling the mystery. CHAPTER LXVTl. THK j)ik:h of tergiversation's visitixg list. The Juvenile day will have prepared our readers for the approach of that festive season, when bitter frosts, and tradesmen's bills, arc supposed to promote hilarity, and when those who have anything to give away think that now is the time for doing it. Clmstmas, in short, was coming ; though it is but justice to tlip Comet year to say, that it was a very different Avinter to the one that succeeded it. Indeed, tlie Comet year had no winter at all. V>Q. it remembered, that with its successor (]8r)9 — GO) the first fall of snow was on the 2 1st of October, and the last on the 28th of !May — the week after Epsom. Among those who were anxious to increase their difficulties in this our Comet year was our noble friend, the Duke of Tergiver- sation, who thought to propitiate tradesmen, and smooth all ]-»arties over wdth a ball and supper. Perha])s he was moved to this end by a desire to get rid of our fox-shooting friend, the Prince Pirouetteza, who, independently of being always in the way, was not quite so cleanly in his habits as the Duke could wish. And though his (Ji'ace bad no objection to helping Lady Jbjiioria Hopkins to a husband, he did not want to be the victim of a procrastinated courtship. So he determined to try what a ball and supper would do in the way of acceleration. "We often think it must ha a difficult thing for a great man to fhid the exact equator of his visiting list — the l)road line of i; i:i \i; i.KTS .' " lioyston," presently ivad liis (Iracc. " nnyst(tn, l»oy.st(»ii ; is tliat the j:;entk'inan they call the .Inir '^ " *' It is, your (Iraee," smiled Mr. Cucumber. '• What is there a qiK-ry to his name for i* " asked the Duke. " Oh, that is for the Duchess," rei)licd ]\Ir. Cucumber. " ller Crai-e objected to his nankin trousers on a former occasion, and that is merely to draw her (Jrace's attention to the name." ""Well, we will leave the Duchess to settle the point herself," said the Duke, passini^ on, addinu', he " JMusn't come without sometliinji' of the sort at all events." ''Certainly not, your Orace." replied Mr. Cucumber with an cmithasis. " Bunting-, — who is Mr. IJuntiuii: ? " now asked the Duke, " ^Ir. Bunting is a very genteel young gentleman, who is down suitoring Miss McDermott of I*rivctt (J rove." " Ah, the little blue-eyed girl, who comes out hunting ? " observed the Duke. " The same," replied Mr. Cucumber. " I thought she Avas going to marry the banker's son," observed bis Grace. " Well, its between the two," rejoined IMr. Cucumber ; " even betting I believe which gets her." " You are sure >\Ir. lUniting is all right ?" said the Duke, adding " I shouldn't like to have any convict (-aptains* down here." " Oh, all right, all right," replied Mr. Cucumber, confidently. " I've ascertained all that — f^uite the gentleman, quite the gentle- man." 80 !Mr. Bunting was passed for a ticket, subject of course to the approval of the Duchess. The B's being disposed of with Mr. Bunting, the C's came next. The Crofts, the Cranes, the Cambos, the Churchhills, the Cheadles,^ the Cutlers, the Coopers, the Cottons, the Chatterleys. " AVell, what are Chatterleys queried for ? " asked the Duke. "The Chatterleys are queried, your (! race, because you struck them off after the last fete. ^Ir. (."batterley voted wrong." " Then if they were struck oft" before, what occasion is there to- put them on this list ? " asked the Duke. " They have been presented at Court since," replied Mr. Cucumber. " Have they ? " replied the Duke ; " so much the worse ; shows they don't know their places — shan't come here." His Grace * Sir Eardley Wilmot, in his ainusinfj Life of Mr. Assheton Smith, relates how a certain notorious housc-brealving, l;etting, bank-robbing convict once dined witli a party at Tedworth House (Mr. Smith's) under the assumed name of Captain Montague. I'LJIX OL' KINaLETS? 3(53 striking- his pen throutili their names, sayinfj-, " Every pig-jobber goes to (Jourt uow-a-days." The unhappy Chatterleys, Mr., Mrs., and two Misses, being thus summarily disposed of, the Duke proceeded with the list, retaining of course the names of our friends the Goldspinks, Mr., IMrs., and Mr. Junior ; also the McDermotts, Mrs. and Miss, Mr. Jovey Jesso23, and many otliers in whom the reader will take no interest. "When his Grace at length arrived at the Ws, and found the name of Mr. Brown AVhite alone, he paused, for he recollected Black White's gallant riding with Mr. Jovey Jessop's hounds, and thought he ought to be rewarded. " Mr. Black AVhite's name not down," obscr\ed his Grace, look- ing up at Air. Cucumber. '• Mr. Black White,— AEr. Black AVhite ; no, your Grace. J\Ir. Black AVhite's name is not down. Your Grace said none of the neck-of-venison gentlemen need be put on to the ball list." '• AVell," said the Duke, " I suppose there vv^ould he some reason for it. Howc^'er, ' To ciT is human, to forgive divine' A\^e will advance Black AVhite this time;" so saying, his Grace added Mr. Black AVhite's name to the list of guests. " Mrs. Black AVhite, then — would your Grace put Mrs. Black White on ? " "Mrs. Black AVliite ? No, certainly not," replied the Duke ; " got a brandy nose and wears a bad front. C^an't bear a woman with a brandy nose and a bad ft'ont." 80 Mrs. Black AVhite was rejected. The important document was then ready for the Duchess' inspection, upon whom Mr. Cucumber waited, and went through it again, explaining the additions and objections — Bowderoukins, Chatterleys, Nankins, Black White, and all. When the Duchess inquired for Mrs. Black AVhite, and heard the reason why she had been rejected, her Grace placed her name on the list, saying, "What has the Duke to do with her bad iront ?" adding, "she may not always wear the same one, you know." So Mrs. Black AVhite was rescued at the last stage. The list being thus duly passed, a suitable number of imposing-looking cai'ds were then produced, and the process of filling uji the invitations connnenced, and proceeded to the usual ])0stal conclusion, (ircat was the emptying of the Castle bag into the country post-ollicc, it being no longer thought dei'ogatoiy, as it once was, to send invitations by other than a special messenger. :5!J4 /'/. .i/.v "/; i:i \i! Li-JTS? ClfAPri:!! lANlII. ("AliDS K(IR A I;ALL. AViiAi" a coiiiinotion it caused in the country when the i^rcat < ? "Oil, .Mr. Iliiw.lcroiikins, 1 liavo worn it till I'vcryhudy is tirod of socinc; mc ill it. It is the dross that that odious .Mrs. Caiidm «-allod nu> tho Fiineralil Isle in. I'm siiro you wouldirt wish me to i^o a liixurc the lii-st time, Mr. liDwdcroiikiiis." " Certainly not, my dear," replied .Mr. Bowderonkins, "certainly not, my dear : hut yon mnst not cut the Ihichess out in her own house, you know." "Not nuich tear of that," rrpHrd Mi's, rxiwderoukiiis ; '"Iiut I really think I should have a new dress on this occasion, dear IJow- deronkins. Don't you think I should, Howderoukins ?" " "Well, my dear, I don't know, I'm sure, ray dear. You are the best judge, my dear — only it's candle-li<]fht, my dear — thin<^s look very well by candle-liiiht that look oidy middlinti- by day- light, my dear ; my black shorts arc not very good when you come to examine them by daylight." " Oh, ^fr. liowderoukins, you don't nnder.stand these things — gentlemen never do. You know, I must have a new dress, sooner or later, ilr, l)Owderoukins ; so why not have it now when it will be a credit to wear it ? " " "Well, my dear, you know best,'' replied ^h\ Bowdcronkins, shuffling away with his newspaper, seeing it was of no use con- tending with a lady who has made up her mind. And the same post that conveyed their answer to the Castle, carried a letter to -Madame Gigot, in Geranium Crescent, for a new ball dress of the most fashionable order, to be down without fail in three days. ;Mr. Jovey Jessop's and liis Jug's cards were sent in the same envelope, the Duchess having heard of the Jug's fre(|uent pere- grinations to Privctt Grove, and relying n])on the ladies smarten- ing him u]). It was not that her grace objected so much to the Jug's nankeens as to his not having them clean, the Jug having been chucked out of his buggy on a former occasion and alighting on his knees, had gone abcnit all the evening with two great mud stains, looking for all the world like a mole-catcher without his traps. 8ivin-and-lbur of course had a card, including ]Mrs. 8ivin-and- four and our esteemed young friend Jasper. " Sivin and four's elivin and sivin's eighteen, that card's from the castle," said he, as he saw it lying conspicuously on the drawing-room table, "and sivin's twenty-eight, wish I mayn't have tf) pay for the party ; " so saying he trudged down stairs into the Bank to have a look at the ledger. "Sivin and four's elivin, and sivinty-sivin's eighty-eight, just as I thought," said he, surveying tlie deficiency creeping on again. AVish he would pay up instead of keeping one out of one's bed at night,- incurrin no end of expense of conveyance, and gloves, and nobody knows what. Really think I'll say no, and write a line drawing his attention to his account, for unless one's PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 367 tilvrays at liim he thinks he has nothin to do but draw, and the money will be forthcoming — just as if one had a well to draw it ■out of. When, however, answering time came, Mrs. (loldspink accepted in the names of all three, and begged the banker to keep his account for a more favourable opportunity. Words cannot depict Mrs. Black White's astonishment at receiving a card, and that not a supplementary one, but sent in the first issue. Mrs. Brown White had always twitted Mrs. Black White with not being castle company, and now she was sud- •denly elevated into equality with herself. She could not resist walking over to Belladonna Cottage to see her ; but Mrs, Brown White suspecting the object of her errand, took the wind out of her sails, by saying she supposed she would have got a card for the great to-do at the castle, adding, with a yawn, as if she was out every night in her life, that she didn't know that Brown and vshe would be going, they had been so often that they were about tired of the thing. Still she would advise Mrs. Black to go, as she had never been there, and the castle was Avorth seeing, especially under such favourable circumstances, and altogether she patronised her not a little. So Mrs. Black White did not take much by her mission. However, what with those that were asked, and those that were not asked, and those that thought they ought to be asked, and those that would not have gone if they had been asked, there was a pretty commotion engendered throughout the country ; and fashion books, and pattern books, were in great demand among the fair, and many were the orders for dresses, all of course wanted immediately. :}(»3 /'/. i/.v (>i; i;i \(! i.irrs? CHAPTKi: LXIX, Till-; IHCAI. UIKI-ICrLTIKS. — TIIK (i KNKl'.A L DIFI'lCri/I'IKS. KT US now take ii j;lance at the do- inestic afi'airs at the castle. (Jet- ting up a ball is g e 11 e r a 1 1 y ex- citement enoufi'h for most people, but the Duke and Duchess of T e r ,<;• iversation's excitement was considerably in- creased by the- difficiilty thei'e- was in getting the necessary .^ supplies. Country i-^ '■^^ tradespeople can seldom afford to give long credit, and !Mr. Cucumber's applications and orders were too generally met by the production of some long-standing bill which it would he a real convenience to the parties to have settled. The Duke was a great economist uj) to a sovereign. That sum exceeded he went right overhead in extravagance. He would criticise the board at a toll-lar from top to bottom, to be sure he "wasn't •lefrauded of a halfpenny, while he would think nothing of order- ing a couple of hundred pounds' worth of cut flowers lor an even- ing ])arty. " Flat," said his Grace to Mr. Hydrangia, the Bayswater florist, as he accompanied that genius on a tour of inspection of the receiving rooms, on the evening of a gi'eat London ball. *' Flat," repeated he as they got into the drawing-room. "Don't know, your Grace," replied ]\Ir. Hydrangia, " there are two hundred pounds' worth of exotics here." " Then put two hundred pounds' worth more," replied the Duke, without a moment's hesitation. " How much ? " exclaimed he, cantering up Purbeck Bar on his way home, from half a-day's hunting at Sandforth Heath. IN TIIK I1AI.I.-K(J PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 369 Tuppence ! " replied old deaf Turner, the toll-keeper, holding out his hand for the money. "Tup-pence! it is but three half-pence surely," replied the Duke |)ullina; up, and going attentively through the list on the board — broad wheels, narrow wheels, exemptions and all. " Ah, well, twopence it is," at length replied he, coming to the liorse department — " There's your money ! " adding, as he cantered away, " The man who would rob me of a single halfpenny, would rob me of all I'm worth in the world." It was seeing the Duke at one of these wrangles, coupled with his own innate regard for the siller, that made Mr. Haggish so obstreperous about the " green silk wliopcord," that terrible outlay that had cost the Duke eighteenpence. But we are getting to the out-door department, instead of confining ourselves to the internal arrangements of the Castle. AVell, the Duke's credit, we are sorry to say, was not very great, but he never wou.Id Avaut for anything on that account ; and on Cucumber devolved the responsibility of seeing the orders executed. The Duke was well cared for too, and many were the enquiries made after him by the Assurance Office I^eople in London, the directors of some of irJiich had proposed to club together to take him a-moor to keep him in health, thinking the battueing was not sufficiently severe exercise. There is no doubt that London is fast absorbing the retail trade of the country, and will do so entirely if shopkeepers persist in inaking summer hideous by sending in their bills half-yearly and dunning accordingly ; but in a case like the present, where the entertainment was given as much to procure v^tes as to promote gaiety, it would never do to throw the patronage away upon the metrojjolis, and come what would the necessary supplies must be procured on the spot. Still a country confectioner's is a miserable affair, little in the shop, and nothing behind, though there is never any want of enterprise in the way of taking large orders, the parties relying on the assistance of all the drunken out-of-place creatures, and trusting to excuses, and " the cat," for getting out ■of their difficulties. The cat got in at the last moment — the cat upset the cream — the cat ate the jelly — the cat destroyed the game ; there never was such a cat. In the Duke's case it was not so much the cookery that was Avanted — for that could be done in the Castle — as the material whcrewitli to cook. AVlien Letty Darns could get tlu'ce and six- pence for her fowls at Jollyfield market, she was not going to send them on any visioiuuy prospect of some day receiving three and nine from Mr. Cucumber for them. So tliat gentleman issued his •orders without much success, for country peo].)le hang together, and if one says no, they generally all say no. W, therefore, the pleasure of a ball is enhanced by the trouble it gives, this ought to have been a very enjoyable one. A ball at Willis's Rooms is not 370 /'/..i/.v on i:ry<; nETS ? oonsiilcrcil e(iiiiviili'iit to one in a private house, sim]>ly, we stippose, beeaiise all the i)arai)luTiiaIia is at hand, no tiikinj^ doors otV their hinixes, no t;irnini; master's study upsidi; down, or mak- ing the library into a room for the ladies. So >vith the supper — supper for so many — itill ior supper ibr so many — an order and a ehecpie — comprise the trouble — docs the whole business. That however will only do for the division of labour peculiar to the un- limited means and a])pliauces of the capital. The country must always be dependent upon separate ])urveyors, unless indeed parties choose to entrust the urranji^emeuts to some ji^'eat London house ; but then what a thinjjf it would be if it should come a snow-storm, and the sujipcr be drifted up short of its destination ! A ball without a supper would never do. The Duke of Tertfiver- Siition, however, had enouu:h work with llydranc^ia and ])eo])le when in London, without troubling;- them to come into the country, so he drew his supplies from native industry. First and foremost undoubtedly is the champa^-ne. There must be plenty of champagne, at least, plenty of pop, fizz, bani^nn^-, for as it is not all gold tliat glistens, so it is not all (jrand nioiis.sfK.r that sj)arkles. The wine, the Castle cellars supplied, and Mr. Cucumber and the butler understood the judicious mixture — when to interpolate a few bottles of grape, Avhen to sow the pure supply stronger. Lights come next. Thei-e must be a perfect blaze of light, and in these glorious days when competing companies ahuost force their goods upon the public, sending their " cash prices" and their " booking ] trices," as if determined to have an order, there can be little ditKculty in procuring an abundant supply : and Cucumber gave nuignificent orders for trausitarent wax, and China wax, and Ceylon wax. and the finest Colza oil, all of which came down carefully packed, with obsequious invoices, in some instances the railway-carriage paid — -for weak-minded trades- men are terribly obnoxious to the influence of rank. Next in im- portance to the wine and light is the music, and whether or not we have recently turned a military nation, there can be no doubt .that we have greatly advanced as a musical one. There is scarcely a village of any size without its band, and where nothing but cock and dog fighting went on, and nothing but bacchanalian songs were heard, we have now the notes of soft music wafted on the breeze. We cannot but think if our legislators were to increase the harmless enjoyments of the people — say throw open the Museums, the Picture Galleries, the Crystal Palace on a Sunday — they would do them far more real service than by burthening them with a troublesome franchise that they do not require. Well, the wine, lights and music being procured, the delicacies of the season — the beef, mutton, and cheese, as the sailor described a sumptuous repast he had had — were next considered, and Haggish was charged to make predatory excursions among the PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 371 poultry whenever he went oat with the hounds. Eg-o-g^ butter, and cream, too, were sought fiir and wide. So what with contri- butions on the spot, and consignments from town, things at length assumed th(j dimensions of a grand entertainment, and the Castle looked as if it would stand a prolonged siege, or sustain a very heavy invasion. Having glanced at the Duke's difficulties, let us take a look at those of the guests. By the time the cards became due, the winter had just got to that critical period when we may look for all sorts of weather withiu the short space of four-and-twenty hours, — rain, snow, frost, sunshine ; hunting on one side of a hill, skating on the other. The weather, however, does not in general make much matter to the ladies — so long as they can get into their carriages and out again, they do not care much what it is. It is the gen- tlemen who are always looking at their aneroids and land marks speculating on the atmosphere, and calculating the damage to their invaluable harness and horses — horses that they wouldn't take any money for. And in truth, those who went to the Duke's on a ball night had needs look about them, for the stable accommodation was scanty at best, and three in a stall nothing uncommon. Providing proper stable accommodation for the visitors' horses is another of the difficulties peculiar to country gaiety. Mr, Willis would look rather blank if all the coachmen setting down at his rooms in Tving's Street were to want billets for their horses and something for themselves. The Duke looked upon the matter in a metro- politan point of view — he didn't ask the horses — -they formed no part of the entertainment — could not be a horse quadrille if it was ever so ; therefore, after such accommodation as the master of the horse and ^Ir. flaggish could spare was filled, the comers were left a good deal to chance and the care of the neighbouring publicans. First come, first serv^ed was generally the order of the day, A ball being to the ladies a good deal what a fox hunt is to the gentlemen, there was a great demand for quarters and filling of country houses for miles around the Castle, which on the afternoon of the day somewhat resembled a fortress in a state of siege, the martello t(jwer-like dresses of the ladies contributing to the idea. Then the fever of anxiety was increased in some houses on finding that the martello towers could not by any means be got into the carriages — at least not in the proportions they had theretofore been, when dresses were smaller and more controllable. A set dinner-party on a ball night, is always an undesirable, uncomf(jrtable atfair in the country, and had better never bo attempted. The ladies are always in a lidget about something, and mysterious messages are getting constantly delivered, causing abrupt risings and departures, and ])erhaps frowning brows on the return. Then there is that constant looking at watches, and B 15 2 372 J'l.A I \ n i: li I Xi: i: i x < ; 1. 1: t,s ? tricity of bvLTono fashions. For tlioufxli tlu'v have out tlie propriety of punctuality — .Mr. Bowderoukins insisting' that it was only a proper mark of respect to attend punctually upon a first invitatitm, Mrs. Bowderoukins maintaininii' that a Itail was not like a dinner, and tliat people mi^ht u;o to a hall any time thev liked, provided tlu^y did not ud before the lioiir fixed. However, Bowderonkins beinti: niaster of his own horse, had the steady family nai;' in the vehicle at a minute to the time he fixed, and not being a man to rest quiet under impulsive circumstances, Mrs. Bowderoukins thought it best to have herself in her rich rustling red moire anti(pic dress too. And considering the horse was but a slow one, to whom the heavy roads were anything but familiar, it said something for .Jonathan's jehuship that he brought them up under the grand portico within a (piarter of an hour of his estimate. Then, the leathern appliances being loosened, the oven door was opened, and Mr. and Mi's. Bowderoukins turned out as best they could, just as another horse's head poked up behind to claim the honour of second place. The ports were then opened, and from a dribbling stream of carriages the line gradually became closer and mere connected, until a slowly moving procession was formed, reaching from the Castle to the centre gates. But for the gleam of lights and the ])rofusion of gaudy servants lining the spacious armour-decked entrance hall, ^frs. Jiowderoukins would have admonished Bowdey on the impropriety of their early coming; as it was she submitted to the almost mute guidance of sundry white-kidded hands, all delicately indicating the way to the cloak and tea room ; while Bowdey followed on, blinking like an owl suddenly turned out of his ivy bush against the radiance of the mid-day sun. Even here our friends were too soon, for only one pretty maid had got herself into her white muslin with cherry-coloured ribbons, and though the tea apparatus was on the counter-like talkie, the Bohea was not even put into the pots. The fact was the Duchess was l)ehind-liand with her toilette, having scolded her French maid well for putting her out the wrong dress, and the backwardness of the main-spring had communicated itself to the rest of the works of the Castle. ]\Irs. Bowderoukins, therefore, finding that she could give herself "pause," deliberately sat down, determined to " tea" for half an hour if necessary. She had not long to wait, for first one young group of maidens and then another came trooping in, all fuss and flowers, and gig umijrellas, chattering and wondering and wanting their beaux. Then the ladies began shaking hands, asking after the absent, and PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 375 expressing their pleasure at seeing each other — some inwardly wishing their rivals were further. And they got so chatty and agreeable, and reinforcements poured in so quickly that they seemed to have forgotten all about the ball, so much so indeed, that her grace having at length descended, magnificently radiant of course, wanted people to admire her freshness, so she converted Mr. Cucumber into a gentleman usher of the black rod, and sent him to summon the guests. Whereupon, there was a great draw- ing on of gloves, arranging of lace, twirling of hoops, making way for each other to go first — for as it has often l)een observed, there is more trouble in marshalling a party of justices' wives than a bevy of duchesses. Th(m the rustling commenced amid the guidance of voluminous garments, and names were passed on from footman to footman placed at intervals on the stairs, until the guests reached the elegant groom of the chamber, whose attire far eclijised that of most of the visitors. The Duchess was standing in state, the centre of a semicircle, formed of the Duke, Lord Marchhare, and Lady Honoria Hopkins, all splendidly attired — the Duke and his Lordship after the manner of the cocktails, wearing the full dress uniform of the hunt — orange coloured coats, with cherry coloured linings, collars and cuff's, white shorts, and white silk stockings. The Ducliess dressed in a splendid new double pink satin dress with rich bouillons of tulle and point lace, a magnificent diamond stomacher, and a tiara of diamonds on her head — the light of a neighbouring cut-glass chandelier being enlisted to perfect the radiance of the group. The Duchess was a capital hand at measuring affability, and could do the smiling and freezing, almost with the same face. She could also apportion her politeness, with all the accuracy of a letter weigher — an ounce to Mrs. Young, two to Miss Springfield, three to Mr. Addleton, none to Brown White. It was as good as a play and a farce put together to stand aside and mark the tre- pidation depicted on the countenances of the comers, and the look of j(»y that prevailed after they had passed the dread ordeal. This sort of thing, however, is not peculiar to the country. Most peoi)le have some donnish acquaintance, who patronise them in the country and shy them in town ; and in these days of general locomotion it is as well to ascertain who they are, so as to avoid a rebuff. There is never much difficulty in doing so, for they are always ]>retty notorious — indeed you see by a certain stately gathering as they approach, and a sort of semicircular movement that they do not " wish to detain you." If you chance to meet them in society they accord you a very stiff l)ow, as much as to say. "no shaking hands here, if yon ])lease," or, "I think, sir, your i)lace might have been better filled in this house." These arc the charmers of society to whom literary people wiio draw from :57<'> ri.Aix oi: i; i x < : l /•; '/'.s ? tlie life arc so nnicli iiidchti'd for cliiiriictcr aiid iiiciilent. I'crliaps, however, tlioro is no inoiv Niiliuihlo iicciuiiviiicnb (lian that of knowinu: wlu-n to use tlio hat and when the hand. The Dui'hess meanwliilo eoiitinues lier reeeption ; hows, and smiles, and enrtsies, and shakes of the liand, uitli liere and thei'c a, c'onveiuent ohh'vinusness. 'I'he Smiths, the Fiehls, tlie Swineys, the Dockets, and the Dunns pass unseen, l)ut the Beaudiamps, and the HeiU'ord^, arc detained lor a huu". Tlien the Lanudalcs, the llolleyihdes. the Netheruoods, the Wheelers, the CamlK)s, the CMicadles, and the Thomsons come troo]Mii,e field. liOrd ]\Iarclihare is nowl)cauiug' the Ijcautiful ]\liss licbecca Isaacs, who has come down from town with uncle Josci)h Samuel to try to nt IJosa's natural kiiuhiess of dispositiitn, (.'>]H'cially as licr irroaD lovo l\)r waUzinji' always made her liladly respond to his invitation to become iiis partner for them, to say nothinu; of the occasional intcrjiolation of a quadrille — when the lijj^ure, tiie Lancers I'or instance, was more than the other <>;enius could manaire. And as irentlemen have not the same taste for cnttinj^ each other out that ladies have, ^liss Rosa passed from one to the other throni;o(l HbiTahty would he (hdy rciucuihnvd at the coniinLC crisis — nuMuiii^" of course the "ionerai election. "That's diph)niacy,"' said the Duke, as, liaviuijf received the revised ai'count from the Duchess and interpuhited the passage about the departure of the J'rince, he sealed the missive and dn>pped it into the letter-box for transmission by post. CHAPTER LXXl. MK. IJALLIVAXT AOAtX. — MR. J5ALIJVAXT OX KACIXG. Our friend ^[r. l>iintiii<;- was soon enlightened as to the result of the IJuntingbury Castle enquiry. The day after the memorable ball, as he was lying in bed feverish with excitement and with tlie ghost of a tune in his head, he overheard a colloquy between his valet and a voice which he presently recognised as belonging to ]\Ir. Ballivant. r>onville was presently at his bed side with the ominous name written in the old unmistakeable characters on a small slip of not over-clean paper. " Ballivant I " gasped Mr. Bunting, feeling that the long-delayed crisis was come at last. " Ballivant," repeated he, dropping the slip of paper down the bed-side — "Show him up stairs — get him the Times and tell him I'll be with him directly." So saying, our hero bounded out of bed and extemporised a costume wherein to receive judgment. " To lie or not to be," that was the point thought he as he rushed into his trousers, combed out his whiskers, and frizzed up his hair with both hands. Knotting the silken cord of his cerulean blue dressing-gown hastily around him, he threw open the door in the wooden partition that sc[)arated his bed-room from his sitting-room, and stood in the dread ])resence. "Sc-cuse my toilette," said he, bowing and advancing to greet him. " By all means," replied Mr. Ballivant, rising and bowing. " Have you breakfasted ? " asked Mr. Bunting, i^ointing to the table equipage. "]\rany hours since," replied ]\Ir. Ballivant drily, resuming his Peat by the fire, and at the same time diving into his outside coat- jKjcket for the dread " Daftun." ^Ir. Bunting took a chair beside him. " I've brought back your book," said Mr. Ballivant, producing and presenting it to Islv. Bunting. PLAIN OB EINGLETS? 383 " Thank ye," said onr nervous hero, receiving it. " It is an illustration of the truth of the old saying, that if you will allow a man to use figures, he may undertake to prove auy thing," observed Mr. Ballivaut drily. " How so," asked Mr. Bunting, fearing the answer. " Becanse," said ]Mr. Ballivant, " Mr. Daftun calculates that if he plants a tree it must necessarily grow and be of a certain size at a certain age, regardless of soil, climate, situation, and every- thing else, whereas uotliiug can be more fallacious, for the growth of one tree is no criterion for the growth of another, even on the same spot, let alone all the world over." " Hum," mnsed ]Mr. Bunting, feeling it was too true. " Well, then, you think Daftun is wrong," observed Mr. Bunting. " Certain he's wrong in this case," replied Mr. Ballivant — "Out altogether." " Dash the Daftun," inwardly growled Bunting — thinking how often he had been thrown over by him. Mr. Bunting now thought he would have his turn, and throw Daftun over. " Then how about the other property," asked he, after a short pause. " The other property is very purty," replied Mr. Ballivant, " very purty for a single man's property, but it would hardly sup- port the requirements of married life — not at least according to the high standard at which expectations are now pitched." " Not if there's love on both sides ? " demanded Mr. Bunting eagerly. " I think not," said Mr. Ballivant drily, with an ominous shake of his head. Mr. Bunting gasped for breath. " The fact is," said Ballivant, sofo voce, " we have two strings to our bow, and can aflFord to be a little fastidious." " I see," said Mr. Bunting resignedly. " Not that I advocate mercenary matches," observed i\rr. Balli- vant, " but every day's experience shows one the necessity of prudence and caution." "No doubt," replied Mr. Bunting, "no doubt — only when there is mutual attachment and tolerable sufficiency it seems hard." " Ti'iie," rejoined Mr. Ballivant, " true, only sufficiency is a thing that no one has ever been able to define. It is something like riches — a man considers himself rich enough when he has got a little more than he has. People want to begin life where their parents used to end it. Women are educated now solely for the ornamental." '• Well, l)ut am I to understand that all this comes from the young lady herself? " asked Mr. Bunting. " To a certain extent — to a certain extent," replied Mr. Balli- :is4 /' /. .1 / .V " /; /; / .v i ; 1. 1: rs ? vant. " Tlio fact is, Miss liosa places hiTsolf a "rood deal in the liamls of lior .Mamma, wlio consults mc, and -" he was ^'oini:: t<) SUV, ** takes my advice or not as she likes it,'" imt he checked liim- self at the " and." *' And yon think it won't do V "" snc^iiosted ^Ir. lUintinji;. "I don't say that," replied Mr. Ballivant. "I don't say tliat — it misfht do witii prndcncc and economy — in fact, I have known many people marry upon much less, but tlicn this yonnj]^ lady has the option of a ureat deal more, and " iiere he checked himself uirain. •• AVhich you'll advise her to take, I suppose," observed ilr. Buntinji:. " I don't say that either." replied Mr. ]>allivant, " 1 don't say that either, hut " " It's a great temptation I suppose you think."' contimied Mr. Bunting. " Undoubtedly it is," assented ^Ir. JJaliivaut. "Undoubtedly it is — nobody who scratches so grey a head as I do can be insensi- ble to the advantages of money ; but you had better see the ladies themselves — you had better see the ladies themselves," continued he, " and if you can arrange matters with them, I assure you I shall be quite as happy to draw your settlement as IMr. Whats-his- name." So saying, our visitor arose and tendering his hand with- drew, leaving our uidiapjiy hero transfixed with depression. ^Ir. Ballivant made the descent of the tortuous staircase, regained his vehicle, was shut in with a loud slam of the door, and a shout of ** right I " from sore-eyed Sam, while the sound of the wheels had died out in the distance, ere he awoke to a full consciousness of his situation. " ril go and see tiiera myself,"' at length muttered lie, ringing the bell for his breakfast, and, ordering a horse to be got ready immediately, he commenced the to and fro operation of eating and dressing at the same time. Having gulped a cup of coffee, and accomplished a half neglige, toilette, careless cravat with dejected collars, but assiduous coat, waistcoat, and trousers, lie mounted Puffing Billy, and was presently urging him along at a pace that by no means comported with tlie horse's inhrmities. In due time lie arrived at Privett (Jrove. ^Irs. ]McDermott had anticipated his coming, and was on the watch to receive him. Xo castle no courtship being her fixed re- solution, she greeted him kindly, but quite in the close-the-account style. After a little talk about the ball, she at once led up to the subject, by expressing her high opinion of ^Mr. BuuLing's charac- ter, manner.?, and acquirements, but candidly stated that both Mr. Ballivant and she were greatly (cough) disappointed at the (hem) result of their enquiries ; and ^Ir. Bunting knowing well Avhere the shoe pinched, durst not try to combat the point. Chalker PLAIN OR RINGLETS? nSo • and Chargers, and Biter and Co.'s bills, rose np in judgment against him. " But you had better see Rosa herself,"' continued Mrs. McDer- mott, thinking to shift the responsibility on her daughter ; and Mr. Bunting, glad to escape the now austere lady, readily sought the solace of Rosa's charms. He found her in the drawing-room, elegantly attired in a new blue silk dress, with a plurality of small flounces, and either with a view of still holding him on, or from a desire of leaving a favourable impression, she had her hair plain as it was on the eventful Pic Nic day, instead of in the Ringlets she had lately worn. ]\Ir. Bunting at first looked upon this as a favourable^ omen, but our prudent young lady soon gave him to understand that though she had the highest opinion of him, and should ever think of him with the greatest esteem and regard, and hoped they would long remain friends ; yet she would not think of acting contrary to her beloved Mamma's wishes. Perish Savojj ! if she would. And not all the vows he made, or the sentiment he could muster, seemed to have the slightest effect upon her resolution. Mamma, however, having timed them pretty accurately, came in just as, having exhausted his arguments, he was invoking poetry to his aid, when ringing for cake and wine, she sat down to her needlework — the old Baden-Baden towel again — as if she meant to remain ; and when that is the case the sooner the suitor goes the better. So without any extra formality our friend took leave, and just as he regained the gate who should come up but the Jug — the Jug in a bran new hat, blue frock coat, and fancy vest, with a mauve coloured tie, and mauve coloured kid gloves, mounted on Billy Rough'un, with Billy Button in a blue and yellow livery riding l)ehind him. The Jug turned nearly mauve colour himself, for the day was chilly, and he had taken a stiffish glass of brandy to brace himself, which, coupled with his natural rubicund hue, worked upon by a guilty conscience, contributed to the effect. Mr. Boyston was much embarrassed, for he was just going to qualify as he thought, to be Mr. Bunting's stepfathei', and ought perhaps to be saying something facetious on the subject, whereas poor Mr. Bunting was in reality going away, and would gladly have avoided the collision ; so after sundry splutters at each other, and nearly knocking their horses' heads together in their anxiety to get out of each other's way, they passed and pro- ceeded on their respective routes — Boyston for Elysium, Bunting for Burton St. Leger. Arrived at home, he indignantly thrust his " Daftun " into the fire, and summoning Bonville, desired him to prepare for instant departure. He resolved to go down into Renfrewshire and get rid of a property that brought him in nothing but grief and annoy- ance. Cushion it as he would the Castle would always rise up .••.s; /'/. i/.v oi: nixtiLi'JTS? apuiist liini, ami then wlu-ii proplt^ had dccfivoil themselves tliey talked and blamed Mr. HiintiiiL;', as if he had done it. He woidd he dir and dune with it ; and Moiis. lionville having" no pre- diloetions for IJnrton St. lieirer — on the contrary, thouu^ht it very iineivili/A'd, nnhilliard-tabled sort of place — readily seconded the motion, and jn-esently had the valuable wardrobe in marching:: order : it bein<^ much easier to make a total flit than to pick and choose for a journey. Crop, the i;room, was ordered to return to town with the horses ; but that worthy having succeeded in supplanting' Sore- eyed Sam with liebecca I\rary, intimated his intention of retiring- from service altogether, and taking the Malt Shovel Inn, which was then becoming vacant ; w'liereupon Mr. Bunting most generously in-escnted him witli the valuable animals, which Welter the blacksmith declared when Crop took them to him to shoe that it would be like robbing Ci'op to put shoes upon ibr they really weren't worth it. But whether tliey were worth shoeing or not they appeared to have been very expensive keeping, for Matty ]\ruldoon, with the aid of his "missis," sent our hero up a bill that would do credit to Chousey himself. And having at length dis- charged all the obligations of life, Mr. Bunting again availed him- self of Dr. Catcheyside's carriage, in which he reached the railway station in a very different fi-ame of mind to that in whicli he had left it. The first intimation i\Iiss liosa had of the departure was receiv- ing in a pink lined envelope the familiar lines, beginning, '• Lovely Hose, farewell ! If ever fondest prayer for othei"'s weal availed on high, Mine shall not all be lost in air, but waft thy name beyond the sky," kc, kc. But as the envelope gave no address, ]\Iiss Eosa was unable to return .Mr. Bunting a beautiful pearl and amethyst ring he had given her — which, however, indeed she rather preferred keeping. Mr. Bunting being now clear of the premises, Mrs. McDermott had ample opportunity of running him down, and expatiating on the providential escape dear Rosa had had from a penniless adventurer old enough to be her father. And ill-natured stories being at a premium, several accommodating gossips who could talk on either side, contributed their (juota to the undervaluation. Altogether they made him out to be a very bad man, a shocking bad man in fact. ]\Iean while ]\Irs. Goldspink and Mrs. McDer- mott kept up such a friendly intercourse that it was not long before ^Ir. Ballivant was wanted again. Rosa had bi'ought the young banker to book, and there was a little preliminary arrange- ment to be done. The Jug, too, was ardent, especially on nou- PLAIN OB RINGLETS? 387 hunting days, and altogether matters were hastening to a climax. Mr. Ballivant was one of the Ale order of lawyers, and united a little of the milk of human kindness with the stern leaven of the JASPER ENGAGED IN lilS FAVOURITE GAME. law. He had lived through the rise and growth of the present struggle for station, and did not consider great wealth and happiness altogether synonymous. iMoreover, he was not particularly fond of old Sivin-and-four, still less of our young friend Jasper, whom he looked upon as a very idle boy. So when IMrs. McDermott broached the cause of Mr. Ballivant's coming, which indeed ho c c 2 ::ss /'/. .i/.v <>i; i: I X<; i.i:t,s r kiu'W pretty well without licr li'llinu', he luado siicli a stroiii;- rojirosiMitatitui o\' the daiiLjcr and prolli^acy of the turf, that he ocket. *• Well now. then," said he, preparinjf to depart, " You'll he irood cnoujjh to think over what I have said to you ; it is with the wish and consent of the ladies, and that beini^ the case, I'm quite sure it will be attended to." So sayins;, he tendered our liero his hand, and was i)rcsently back at the Hare and Hounds Inn. orderinu: his fly, Avherein to return home. And Jasper thinking that ^Ir hunting was still to the fore, and having tasted the sweets of jealousy already, was obliged to attend to what was 5aid. CHAPTER I.XXII. w 1 10- H OOP : ADIIvS are much more at home in the matter of matrimony than men. It seems to come to them quite naturally, whereas the men are generally rather shame-faced, and wish it well over. Xo one ever sees boys blowing off dandelion- down to try who is to be married first. A pair of top-ljoots has generally more attraction for them. All ladies have a wonderful ten- dency towards the orange-blossom. It is quite the fox's brush of female life. They like the fuss, the ex- citement, the shopping, the choos- ing, the matching, the ordering. One would think a bride had either had no clothes before, or was going to an uninhabited island where tliey were not to be got, so vast and comprehensive is the assort- ment. Then when the garments are gathered together, how the ladies come trotting to see the grand irov^foau, just as interesting, we should think, as looking at a lot of well-littered horses standing in a stable in their clothes. But the fair see beauty in the frail devices, and think how elegant they will look when filled up with such a splendid figure as the bride's. Then, as the happy day approaches, what anxiety there is about 7HE FlNtSH. PLAIN OR RINGLETS? 3!>1 the weather. It is, perhaps, the only time when Ladies really do care what sort of a clay it is. They think of the bride and her l»eautiful dress, and her beautiful veil, her beautiful this and her beautiful that, and of the distance she will have to go fronr the carriage to the church. Somehow weddings are generally favoured with fine weather — and we are happy in being able to state that our Heroine and Mamma were especially fortunate in theirs. A spring morning's sun awoke all parties to their duties, causing even the men to forego their objurgations at thus having a day spoiled — and cease their wonders at Aveddings not being in the afternoon. It certainly would be a great convenience if they were. Punctual to a minute, Mr. Jovey Jessop had his Jug and his traps, boot-jack and all, in his dog-cart, and after an attectionate leave of the servants, who all agreed that ]\Ir. Boyston was a very <]uiet gentleman who gave no trouble, Jovey set off with him as if driving to the meet of the hounds. There seemed to be a general holiday throughout the country, and every house and cottage exhibited some little token of rejoicing, a flag, a streamer, a ribbon ; some out of compliment to Mr. Jessop, some out of compliment to the Jug, some on account of the beef and ale they were going to have at Appleton Hall in honour of the event. As tliey neared Sleekfield turni)ike-gate, they overtook one of those wretched attempts at finery, a job- carriage and four — the carriage a lack-lustre landaulet, the hurses three blind uns and a bolter, the tav.xlry post-boys as unmatchable as the horses. Jovey and the Jug gave a view-halloa as they passed, and then let the inmates — .lasper andhis worthy parents — see how much faster one good horse could go than four bad ones. So they arrived at Privett Grove in time to discard their wraps, and appear in much the same dresses as they did at the duchess's ball. Then the whole house presently broke out in an irruption of white — white dresses, white waistcoats, white gloves, white favors, white everything. Posa looked lovely, and Mamma wore her years quite as well as she does in our frontispiece. Indeed some (if the gentlemen thought they would just as soon be the Jug as friend Jasper. And all being punctual and pleasant the carriages were soon filled with crinoline, the gentlemen got into their various devices, whips cracked, wheels went round, while road-side bobbing and curtseying was again the order of the day. And the distance to Priestpopple church was either so short, or they went so fast that they seemed to be getting out of the carriages again l)efore they had well got in. Some indeed thought they might as well have walked. For such a lasting ceremony, it takes a very short time to perform, and Mamma and Miss had both changed their names in the course of twenty minutes. Then the brides and bridegrooms having received the congratulations of their :v:r2 / • /. . I / .V n /.' /.• / .V ( 1 1. K TS ? frii'iiils paired ofl' t(><;etlKr, a (lin'i'ivnt arranj;cmi'iit had to bo madi' with the carria^t's. whicli was olfcctod at the church ^atcs amid a salvo of silver ainonj;- the hy-staiulers. Then the return journey beiup: rapidly made, the elegant breakfast was found ready, and tlie lailies had to be rechristened with a shower oi" chanipa<,'ne. ^Irs. lioyston, your very <^ood health ! Mr. Hoy- ston, yours I Mrs. Jasper (Joldspink, your very j^ood health I Mr. .Jasper, yours, «tc. Then Sivin-and-lbur, and .Mis. Sivin-and-fuur's lualths were drunk, and Sivin-and-lour, unused to eliampa^nc, being; rather elated, returned thanks in a dribbling speech, in which he told them how he had be<;un life very small, and how he was now a most substantial man, and advised every body to stick to the shoj) if they wished the shop to stick to them, addins;, that if they took care of the pence the pounds would take care of themselves, with other familiar saying:s that we need not repeat. And the six bridesmaids and ^fr. Jovey Jessop being duly toasted, and responded to by Mr. Jessop, who spoke most handsomely on behalf of both them and his Jug, the ladies presently withdrew, the brides to rearrange their toilets, the bridesmaids to see to the derangements of theirs ; whereupon the gentlemen proceeded to empty the bottles, and drink the "single married, and the married happy," and finished by toasting the .lug and .lasjicr a second time. Then the carriages again appeared in the ring I)efbre the house, while the cording and bumping of boxes sounded in the ]iassage, and the .Jug \\ithdrew to put on his l)Oots, asking pretty Perker, the maid whom he met on the stairs, if Mrs. ^McDermott was ready? which Perker said was a bad omen. ]\Irs. Boyston answered the question by appear- ing in person, dressed in a beautiful pink bonnet with a white feather tipped with pink, and a brown moire antique dress with brown velvet round the bottom, when the gallant .Tug having- saluted her, helped her into her black velvet jacket, and then leaving- her, said he would be ready in a minute. And when he returned he found Ki)sa — we beg pardon, ]\Irs. .Jasper Goldspink — getting admired in her white Maltese lace bonnet with small white roses and orange-flower buds, and her well set out light lavender coloured silk dress surmounted by a large black ^laltese lace mantle. The .Jug with his hat Ijcing the signal for move, there was presently a great hugging and kissing, with a slight show of tears, and then the respective parties got into their carriages and away, the l>oystons to White Kock House, the Goldspinks for the ])ovecoto Lane Station. And as the carriages departed, the half-fuddled, full-dressed gentlemen yawned and looked at their watches wonder- ing what they should do Avith themselves. The day was done. Privett (J rove was closed, ^Mr. .Jovey .Jessop drove home alone, and our Banker and his spouse set off for their quiet quarters at ^Mayfield in a one horse chaise. PLAIN OR lilNGLETS ? 393 '■ Siviu and four's eliviii, and sivin's eighteen, I dont know but I'd as soon the mother hadn't married," observed our man of money to his wife, as they jolted along. "Oh, never mind, we can't have it all as we want," replied IMrs. Goldspink, " the money is sure to come sooner or later, and there will always be Garlandale for them to go to if they don't like the Grove." " 8ivin and four's elivin, and sivinteeu is twenty-eight, money's very useful in this world for all that," replied the Banker, whip- ping the old horse into a trot, that presently brought them on to the rising ground overlooking their own familiar town, spire, town- hall, corn-market, and all. CHAPTEK LXXIII. WHO-HOOP AGAIX ! Our esteemed friend Punch says there arc two things a man nevers forgets — his first love and his first cigar, to which we beg leave to add a third, namely, when he first heard that his banker had stopped payment. His banker stopped payment ! AVhat an appalling iinnounccment ! What a crash and commotion it creates in the country I TIow it spreads, reechoes, and rever- berates, catching men in all sorts of ways ; by sea, by land, by rail, on foot, on horseback, in their castles, in their counting- houses, seizing them in the side, depriving them of breath, fi-cezing their feet, petrifying their faculties, almost stunning them with fear. They never forget where they first heard it, nor the way in which they stood gasping, calculating the consequences, consider- ing how they would be hit, whether Fothergill's bill w^ould have been ])aid in, Crossgrain's cheque presented, and how they should meet their own engagements. Tnat recollection haunts them to the last, long after the adorable first love shall have subsided in a front, and the fume of the cigar become second nature. It was thought at one time that a discovery had been made for prevent- ing all bank failures in future, and certainly, looking at joint- stock banking in a theoretical point of xioAv, nothing can ])e more specious or })lausible, though in reality nothing is more fallacious, the whole depending upon whether the directors arc honest, and whether the proprietors are princes or ])aupers. So far from mitigating the evil, it has increased it tenfold, in consc(iuence of the magnitude of the o])crations. And yet people go into them with all the confidence of security — believing the s])ecious reports, and the existence of the nivthical unarantee fund. Talk of the :!!»4 I' I. MX (>i: i:i xc i.i:ts f «*ouraanker, firmly. " Out with it then ! " cried several. " Can't pay you all at once," replied the Banker. " Nicely, if you like," rejoined several. " You've been puttin' of your money away, you old scoundrel I" exclaimed a voice from the midst of the closely wedged crowd. " Hooray for the old ragabond," shouted another : "we'll have- him hung at the next Assizes." "Rot ye, you're such a bitter old bad'un that if you wei'e br»iled into broth the devil would'nt sup you 1 '' exclaimed Rippon the rag man, holding up a dirty five pound note as- he spoke. " Just the man to rob a church, and not keep a jirayer-book for liis self I " roared Bagshot the besom-maker — from Rippon's^ side. " You bloated aristocrat, you deserve to be drowned I " yelled Xat Skittles the pedestrian whister, who was star-iug it through the country. "Come, old Ten-and-a-half per Cent., out with the tin ! " cried Cordy Brown the butcher, putting his hand to his mouth as be- spoke. Then the hubbub increased, those avIio held notes wanting to be in, those who had got gold wanting to be out ; and this kept PLAIN OK RINGLETS? 397 goino- on, more or less violently, until every sovereign and Bank of England note was absorbed — when the old-established bank — established sivinteen 'underd and sivinty-four — was obliged to succumb, and tliis owing to parties mistaking the name of a " horse " for that of a house, showing " What mighty contests rise from trivial things," :as Mr. Pope sings, A country marriage is a local thing, and unless parties advertise themselves in the London papers is generally confined to its own district, but a bank breaking is food for every newspaper in the land, and our friend Mr. Bunting soon read of it at his highland home — where the reader will be happy to hear that the barrenness ■of the surface of his property is amply atoned for by the richness ■of the minerals below, prodigious beds of iron-stone, coal, and lime .l)eing found on the spot. Mr. Bunting's first impression was to throw himself — minerals and all — at Miss Rosa's feet ; second thoughts, however, suggested that the ladies had been rather mercenary in the matter, and Ijefore he could arrive at any satisfactory conclusion the announce- ment of the marriages in the Times dissipated the delusion. He then saw through it all as clearly as possible, and required no Adolphe Didier or any ingenious invention to assist him. Ee wrote to the Jug, congratulating him on his marriage, and send- ing him copies of a Prospectus of a Joint-Stock Company for working his Royalties, the Company having, by a curious coin- cidence, the very same W. D. who twice thwarted Mr. Bunting's matrimonial efforts, for Secretary. The W. D. now says that Mr, Jkmting will be one of the richest men in Scotland, and can build ii Castle or whatever he likes. Garlandale, both house and horse, have been sold, and our sub- stantial man considerably reduced in his circumstances. Jasper and Rosa live between the old people and Mamma's, illustrating the truth of the old saying, that there never yet was a house built big enough to hold two families. Perker carries war into which- ever establishment she enters, and sadly laments the hero of the scarf. She thinks Admiration Jack was much more of a " quality gentleman " than Jasper, and feels that she was completely de- frauded of Bonville the valet. Jasper had no valet to offer her, only Tom Tailings, a low fellow, who she wouldn't take if it was ever so. The Jug, we are sorry to say, is not so comfortable as we could wish. Mrs. Boyston stints him of his drink, won't let him dine in his slippers, and wants him to make Hilly Rough'un go in the coal-cart. She also threatens him with the terrors of Sir Cress- well for desertion and cruelty — beating her on the preterpluperfcct :«)8 l\l..l I X n /,' /.' / .\' < ! I. /■; Y'.s^ ? part of her person with Iiis hoot-jack. Altoi^etlicr the Jiii;- lias made a bad investment, and we shonid not bo snrprised to hear ol" his heiiii:: baek at Ajipleton Hall to cnt (Mit Archey Ellenger, who has applied for the sitnation ol'Juij;. So Miss Rosa had better have kept her liair '' Plain " than ]»iit it in " Ilinj^lets," as the gypsy's prophecy was not fuUiUed alter aU. THE END. BRADBUKy, AGSEW, & CO. LD., TRINTERS, WHITKFRIARS. A SELECTION FROM The Illustrated and other Works Published by BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO. LD. THE COUNTRY GENTLEMAN'S LIBRARY EDITION. Embellished with nearly 1000 of John Leech's best Sketches on Wood, and 100 Hand-coloured Steel Engravings by John Leech and II. K. Browne. In six medium 8vo volumes, large margin, cloth extra, price £4 45. ; and in half morocco, with iianelled hunting adornments, gilt and finished, price £5 12s. Gd. "HANDLEY CROSS" SERIES OF SPORTING NOVELS. 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INK I.IBKAKN IMVKRSnV OF ( Al IKORNIA Sanla Barharit I HIS BOOK IS 1)1 K ON IMK I AM DA IK SI AMPKl) BH ()\\. lOOM n/86 Series M«2 J^ \ m o uts«3AiNn aw • • tME UNIVERStTf p t 3 1205 00894 3886 ^ \ / UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY O OF CAltFORNIA o i 3^ £0 uo « SANIA BARBASA • < I • 40 MVmi 3H1 « A A 001 417 102 o AusuAiNn am <> ft line UNIVERSITV o 5 m B >• SANTA eAUASA « « tH t UBKARV Of o 09 — E^ F) o viivaawfl ViNvs o 9 Sn MisajAiNd 3m o » vavnvQ VU4V5 o 9 ^R -jAiNn 3m « « THE UBRAitV THE 0^ ^& OF o I l! n o viNiioino io • o THE UNIVEMITY o I « SANTA AARBASA «. 9 VSVeilVO VINVS « ! 3 3 Sft > JtaSil3AINn 3MJL « o Of CAIIFORNIA o u €0 =i3 — « K> Aaytsn aitt <> e THE UNIVERSITV e 1 I c £ ^ « r 5 O SANTA eAtaASA • iiil UtdkU jQ OF CAIIFORNIA o Ut^ chiy