PHILIP GREELY BROWN 
 
 m 
 
 
CHILDREN WHAT ABE THEY GOOD POR? 
 " I ll give oo a kitk if oo \vant one ! " PAGE 31. 
 
 
GREAT MYSTERIES 
 
 LITTLE PLAGUES. 
 
 BY 
 
 JOHN NEAL. 
 
 n 
 
 BOSTON: 
 
 ROBERTS BROTHERS. 
 1870. 
 
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1869, by 
 
 ROBERTS BROTHERS, 
 In the Clerk s Office of the District Court of the Dist. of Massachusetts. 
 
 8TXBKOTTPED BY BEGAN & I.EAPBEATER, 
 
 55 Water Street. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 T HATE prefaces ; and the older I grow, the more I hate 
 * them, and the more unwilling I am to transgress in 
 that way with my eyes open. 
 
 But something must be said, I suppose, if only by way 
 of an advertisement, or warning. 
 
 When I had finished what one of my daughters persists 
 in calling my "NAUGHTY-BIOGRAPHY," and the other, 
 "PERSONALITIES" while my hair has grown visibly 
 thinner, I will not say under what kind of domestic remon 
 strance from another quarter, and a very amiable, though 
 witty somebody writes it "Maundering Recollections " 
 I had an idea that, if I went further, I might be found 
 "painting the lily, gilding refined gold," etc., etc., and so 
 I pulled up for the present. 
 
 But this little book was already under way. I had 
 promised it, and such promises I always keep and for 
 the best of reasons : I cannot afford to break them. 
 
 When I turned out the original of " Children What are 
 they good for?" some forty years ago, or thereabouts, I had 
 never met with, nor heard of, anything in that way. Chil 
 dren were overlooked. Their droppings were unheeded 
 out of the nursery. But now, and in fact very soon after 
 my little essay appeared in the "Atlantic Souvenir," if I do 
 not mistake, the papers and magazines, both abroad and 
 at home, were continually brightened up with diamond- 
 sparks and with Down-easterly or " Orient pearls, at ran 
 dom strung," which seemed to have been picked up in 
 
 W 
 
iv Preface. 
 
 play-grounds, or adrift, or along the highway; and item- 
 izers were seen dodging round among the little folks, 
 wherever they were congregated, or following them as the 
 Chinese follow a stranger, if they see him make wry 
 faces. 
 
 For amusement only, and to keep myself out of mis 
 chief I hope I have succeeded just after the fire, not 
 having much to do beyond twirling my thumbs, and try 
 ing to whistle "I cares for nobody, and nobody cares for 
 me," I began collecting such as fell in my way. 
 
 My first idea was to call them " KINDLING-STUFF," or 
 " OVEN- WOOD," as characteristic, if not of them, at least 
 of the compiler; but finding the collection grew upon me, 
 and myself growing serious, I adopted "PICKINGS AND 
 STEALINGS," which, on the whole, I think still more char 
 acteristic, beside being both suggestive and descriptive. 
 
 " GOODY GRACIOUS, A FAIRY STORY," I wrote for the 
 purpose of showing and proving that fairy stories 
 need not be crowded with extravagant impossibilities, to 
 engage the attention of our little folks ; and that if they 
 are so contrived as to seem true, or at least possible, they 
 need not be unwholesome. Am I wrong? 
 
 And furthermore saith not, as Jacob Barker used to write, 
 at the bottom of his letters, 
 
 "Your respected friend," 
 
 J. N. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 I. CHILDREN WHAT ARE THEY GOOD FOR? 
 II. GOODY GRACIOUS! AND THE FORGET-ME-NOT. 
 III. PICKINGS AND STEALINGS. 
 
CHILDREN WHAT ARE THEY GOQD FOR? 
 
 TT^HE child is father of the man. Men are 
 A but children of a larger growth. How 
 often do we meet with this array of words ! 
 Yet how insensible we are to the profound 
 philosophy they enwrap. Sublime and aston 
 ishing truths ! Uttered every day in our hear 
 ing, set before our eyes at every step of our 
 journey through life, written over all the mon 
 uments of Earth, upon the pages and banners 
 of all History, upon the temples and the pyr 
 amids, the palaces and the sepulchres of de 
 parted Nations, upon all the doings of the 
 Past and the Present, as with unextinguish- 
 able fire, and sounding forever and ever in the 
 unapproachable solitudes of the Future ! Yet 
 (7) 
 
8 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 heard with indifference, read without emotion, 
 and repeated from mouth to mouth, day after 
 day and year after year, without a suspicion 
 of their deep meaning, of their transcendent 
 importance, of their imperishable beauty. 
 And why ? The language is too familiar, the 
 apparent signification too simple and natural 
 for the excited understandings of the multi 
 tude. There is no curtain to be lifted, no veil 
 to be rent as with the hands of giants, no zone to 
 be loosened, no mystery to be expounded afar 
 off, as in the language of another world, noth 
 ing to be guessed at, or deciphered, nothing 
 but what anybody might understand if he 
 would ; and, therefore, nothing to be remem 
 bered or cared for. 
 
 But, in simple truth, a more sublime inter 
 rogation could not be propounded than that 
 which may appear to be answered by the 
 language referred to. What are children ? 
 
Children what are they good for ? 9 
 
 Step to the window with me. The street is 
 full of them. Yonder a school is let loose ; 
 and here, just within reach of our observa 
 tion, are two or three noisy little fellows ; 
 and there another party mustering for play. 
 Some are whispering together, and plotting 
 so loudly and so earnestly, as to attract every 
 body s attention ; while others are holding 
 themselves aloof, with their satchels gaping 
 so as to betray a part of their plans for to 
 morrow afternoon, or laying their heads 
 together in pairs, for a trip to. the islands. 
 Look at them, weigh the question I have put 
 to you, and then answer it, as it deserves 
 to be answered. What are children f To 
 which you reply at once, without any sort of 
 hesitation perhaps, "Just as the twig is bent 
 the tree s inclined " ; or, " Men are but chil 
 dren of a larger growth"; or, peradventure, 
 "The child is father of the man." And then, 
 
io Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 perhaps, you leave me, perfectly satisfied 
 with yourself and with your answer, having 
 "plucked out the heart of the mystery," and 
 uttered, without knowing it, a string of glorious 
 truths, pearls of great price. 
 
 But, instead of answering you as another 
 might, instead of saying, Very true, what if 
 I were to call you back to the window with 
 words like these : Do you know what you 
 have said ? do you know the meaning of the 
 language you have employed ? or, in other 
 words, do you know your own meaning f 
 what would you think of me ? That I was 
 playing the philosopher, perhaps, that I 
 wanted to puzzle you with a childish question, 
 that I thought I was thinking, or at best that I 
 was a little out of my senses. Yet, if you 
 were a man of understanding, I should have 
 paid you a high compliment ; a searcher after 
 truth, I should have done you a great favor ; 
 
Children -what are they good for? 1 1 
 
 a statesman, a lawgiver, a philanthropist, a 
 patriot, or a father who deserved to be a 
 father, I should have laid you under everlast 
 ing obligations, I should have opened a bound 
 less treasury underneath your feet, I should 
 have translated you instantly to a new world, 
 carried you up into a high mountain, as it 
 were, and set before you all the kingdoms of 
 the earth, with all their revolutions and 
 changes, all future history, the march of 
 armies, the growth of conquerors, the waxing 
 and the waning of empire, the changes of 
 opinion, the apparition of thrones dashing 
 against thrones, the overthrow of systems, and 
 the revolution of ages. 
 
 Among the children who are now playing 
 together, like birds among the blossoms of 
 earth, haunting all the green shadowy places 
 thereof, and rejoicing in the bright air ; happy 
 and beautiful creatures, and as changeable as 
 
12 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 happy, with eyes brimful of joy, and with 
 hearts playing upon their little faces like sun 
 shine upon clear waters ; among those who 
 are now idling together on that slope, or hunt 
 ing butterflies together on the edge of that 
 wood, a wilderness of roses, you would see 
 not only the gifted and the powerful, the wise 
 and the eloquent, the ambitious and the re 
 nowned, the long-lived and the long-to-be- 
 lamented of another age, but the wicked and 
 the treacherous, the liar and the thief, the 
 abandoned profligate and the faithless hus 
 band, the gambler and the drunkard, the rob 
 ber, the burglar, the ravisher, the murderer, 
 and the betrayer of his country. The child is 
 father of the man. 
 
 Among them, and that other little troop just 
 appearing, children with yet happier faces and 
 pleasanter eyes, the blossoms of the future 
 the mothers of nations you would see the 
 
Children what are they good for f 13 
 
 founders of states and the destroyers of their 
 country, the steadfast and the weak, the judge 
 and the criminal, the murderer and the execu 
 tioner, the exalted and the lowly, the unfaith 
 ful wife and the broken-hearted husband, the 
 proud betrayer and his pale victim, the living 
 and breathing portents and prodigies, the em 
 bodied virtues and vices, of another age and 
 of another world, and all -playing together I 
 Men are but children of a larger growth. 
 
 Pursuing the search, you would go forth 
 among the little creatures, as among the types 
 of another and a loftier language, the mystery 
 whereof has been just revealed to you, a 
 language to become universal hereafter, types 
 in which the autobiography of the Future was 
 written ages and ages ago. Among the inno 
 cent and helpless creatures that are called 
 children, you would see warriors, with their 
 garments rolled in blood, the spectres of kings 
 
14 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 and princes, poets with golden harps and illu 
 minated eyes, historians and painters, archi 
 tects and sculptors, mechanics and merchants, 
 preachers and lawyers ; here a grave-digger 
 flying his kite with his future customers, there 
 a physician playing at marbles with his ; here 
 the predestined to an early and violent death 
 for cowardice, fighting the battles of a whole 
 neighborhood ; there a Cromwell or a Caesar, 
 a Napoleon or a Washington, hiding them 
 selves for fear, enduring reproach or insult 
 with patience ; a Benjamin Franklin higgling 
 for nuts or gingerbread, or the "Old Parr" of 
 another generation sitting apart in the sun 
 shine, and shivering at every breath of wind 
 that reaches him. Yet we are told that "just 
 as the twig is bent, the tree s inclined." 
 
 Hereafter is made up of the shreds and 
 patches of Heretofore. If " Men are but 
 children of a larger growth," then -what are 
 
Children -what are they good for ? 15 
 
 children f Men of a smaller growth. And 
 this happens to be the truth, not only in the 
 world of imagination, but in the world of real 
 ities ; not only among poets, but among law 
 yers. At law, children are men, little chil 
 dren murderers. A boy of nine, and others 
 of ten and eleven, have been put to death in 
 England, two for murder, and a third for " cun 
 ningly and maliciously " firing two barns. Of 
 the little murderers, one killed his playmate 
 and the other his bedfellow. One hid the 
 body, and the other himself. And therefore, 
 said the judges, they knew they had done 
 wrong, they could distinguish between good 
 and evil ; and therefore they ordered both to 
 be strangled. And they were strangled accord 
 ingly. As if a child who is old enough to 
 know that he has done wrong, is therefore old 
 enough to know that he deserves death ! 
 
 So with regard to children of the other sex. 
 
16 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 At law, babies are women, women babies. 
 The same law which classes our mothers and 
 our wives, our sisters and our daughters, with 
 infants, lunatics, idiots, and "persons beyond 
 sea," allows a child to be betrothed at seven, to 
 be endowed of her future husband s estate at 
 nine, and to agree or disagree to a previous 
 marriage at twelve. And what is law in Eng 
 land is law here. We are still governed by 
 the Court of King s Bench, the lawyers and 
 the judges of Westminister Hall. Let no man 
 say, therefore, that these are the dreams of 
 poetry, the glittering shapes that wander about 
 forever and ever among the vast chambers of 
 a disordered imagination. They are not so. 
 They are no phantasms, they are realities, 
 they are substantial existences, they " are 
 known to the law." 
 
 Such are children. Corrupted, they are 
 fountains of bitterness for ages. Would you 
 
Children ivhat are they good for? 1 7 
 
 plant for the skies? Plant in the live soil of 
 the warm and generous and youthful ; pour all 
 your treasures into the hearts of children. 
 Would you look into the future as with the 
 spirit of prophecy, and read as with a tele 
 scope the history and character of our country, 
 and of other countries? You have but to 
 watch the eyes of children at play. 
 
 What children are, neighborhoods are. 
 What neighborhoods are, communities are, 
 states, empires, worlds ! They are the ele 
 ments of Hereafter made visible. 
 
 Even fathers and mothers look upon children 
 with a strange misapprehension of their dig 
 nity, Even with the poets, they are only the 
 flowers and blossoms, the dew-drops, or the 
 playthings of earth. Yet "of such is the king 
 dom of heaven." The Kingdom of Heaven ! 
 with all its principalities and powers, its hi 
 erarchies, dominations, thrones ! The Saviour 
 
i8 ^ Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 understood them better ; to Him their true dig 
 nity was revealed. Flowers ! They are the 
 flowers of the invisible world, indestructible, 
 self-perpetuating flowers, with each a multi 
 tude of angels and evil spirits underneath its 
 leaves, toiling and wrestling for dominion over 
 it ! Blossoms ! They are the blossoms of 
 another world, whose fruitage is angels and 
 archangels. Or dew-drops? They are dew- 
 drops that have their source, not in the cham 
 bers of the earth, nor among the vapors of the 
 sky, which the next breath of wind, or the 
 next flash of sunshine may dry up forever, but 
 among the everlasting fountains and inex 
 haustible reservoirs of mercy and love. Play 
 things ! God ! if the little creatures would 
 but appear to us in their true shape for a 
 moment ! We should fall upon our faces 
 before them, or grow pale with consternation, 
 or fling them off with horror and loathing. 
 
Children -what are they good for? 19 
 
 What would be our feelings to see a fair 
 child start up before us a maniac or a mur 
 derer, armed to the teeth? to find a nest of 
 serpents on our pillow? a destroyer, or a 
 traitor, a Harry the Eighth, or a Benedict 
 Arnold asleep in our bosom? A Catherine or 
 a Peter, a Bacon, a Galileo, or a Bentham, a 
 Napoleon or a Voltaire, clambering up our 
 knees after sugar-plums? Cuvier laboring to 
 distinguish a horse-fly from a blue-bottle, or 
 dissecting a spider with a rusty nail ? La Place 
 trying to multiply his own apples, or to sub 
 tract his playfellow s gingerbread? What 
 should we say to find ourselves romping with 
 Messalina, Swedenborg, and Madame de 
 Stael? or playing bo-peep with Murat, Robes 
 pierre, and Charlotte Corday? or puss-puss in 
 the corner with George Washington, Jonathan 
 Wild, Shakspeare, Sappho, Jeremy Taylor, 
 Mrs. Clark, Alfieri, and Harriet Wilson? Yet 
 
2O Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 stranger things have happened. These were 
 all children but the other day, and clambered 
 about the knees, and rummaged in the pockets, 
 and nestled in the laps of people no better 
 than we are. But if they had appeared in 
 their true shape for a single moment, while 
 playing together ! What a scampering there 
 would have been among the grown folks ! 
 How their fingers would have tingled ! 
 
 Now to me there is no study half so de 
 lightful as that of these little creatures, with 
 hearts fresh from the gardens of the sky, in 
 their first and fairest and most unintentional 
 disclosures, while they are indeed a mystery, 
 a fragrant, luminous, and beautiful mystery. 
 And I have an idea that if we only had a 
 name for the study, it might be found as 
 attractive and as popular, and perhaps 
 though I would not go too far -perhaps 
 about as advantageous in the long run to the 
 
Children what are they good for? 21 
 
 future fathers and mothers of mankind, as 
 the study of shrubs and flowers, or that of 
 birds and fishes. And why not? They are 
 the cryptogamia of another world, the infu 
 soria of the skies. 
 
 Then why not pursue the study for your 
 self? The subjects are always before you. 
 No books are needed, no costly drawings, no 
 lectures, neither transparencies nor illustra 
 tions. Your specimens are all about you. 
 They come and go at your bidding. They 
 are not to be hunted for, along the edge of 
 a precipice, on the borders of the wilderness, 
 in the desert, nor by the sea-shore. They 
 abound, not in the uninhabited or unvisited 
 place, but in your very dwelling-houses, about 
 the steps of your doors, in every street of 
 every village, in every green field, and every 
 crowded thoroughfare. They flourish bravely 
 in snow-storms, in the dust of the trampled 
 
22 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 highway, where drums are beating and colors 
 flying in the roar of cities. They love the 
 sounding sea-breeze and the open air, and 
 may always be found about the wharves, and 
 rejoicing before the windows of toy-shops. 
 They love the blaze of fireworks and the 
 smell of gunpowder; and where that is, they 
 are, to a dead certainty. 
 
 You have but to go abroad for half an hour 
 in pleasant weather, or to throw open your 
 doors or windows on a Saturday afternoon, 
 if you live anywhere in the neighborhood of 
 a school-house, or a vacant lot, with here 
 and there a patch of green, or a dry place 
 in it, and steal behind the curtains, or draw 
 the blinds, and let the fresh wind blow through 
 and through the chambers of your heart for 
 a few minutes, winnowing the dust and scat 
 tering the cobwebs that have gathered there 
 while you were asleep, and lo ! you will find 
 
Ch ildrcn ivh at are they good fo r? 2 3 
 
 it ringing with the voices of children at play, 
 and all alive with the glimmering phantas 
 magoria of leap-frog, prison-base, or knock- 
 up-and-catch. 
 
 Let us try the experiment. There ! I have 
 opened the windows, I have drawn the blinds, 
 and hark ! already there is the sound of little 
 voices afar off, like "sweet bells jangling." 
 Nearer and nearer come they, and now we 
 catch a glimpse of bright faces peeping round 
 the corners, and there, by that empty in- 
 closure, you see a general mustering and 
 swarming, as of bees about a newly-discov 
 ered flower-garden. But the voices we now 
 hear proceed from t\vo little fellows \vho have 
 withdrawn from the rest. One carries a large 
 basket, and his eyes are directed to my win 
 dow ; he doesn t half like the blinds being 
 drawn. The other follows him, with a tat 
 tered book under his arm, rapping the posts, 
 
24 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 one after the other, as he goes along. He is 
 clearly on bad terms with himself. And now 
 we can see their faces. Both are grave, and 
 one rather pale, and trying to look ferocious. 
 And hark ! now we are able to distinguish 
 their words. "Well, I ain t skeered o you," 
 says the foremost and the larger boy. "Nor 
 I ain t skeered o you," retorts the other; "but 
 you needn t say you meant to lick me." And 
 so I thought. Another, less acquainted with 
 children, might not be able to see the con 
 nection ; but I could, it was worthy of Aris 
 totle himself, or John Locke. "I didn t say 
 I meant to lick ye," rejoined the first, "I said 
 I could lick ye, and so I can." To which the 
 other replies, glancing first at my window and 
 then all up and down street, " I should like to 
 see you try." Whereupon the larger boy 
 begins to move away, half backwards, half 
 sideways, muttering just loud enough to be 
 
Children iu hat are they good for? 25 
 
 heard, "Ah, you want to fight now, jest cause 
 you re close by your own house. And here 
 the dialogue finished, and the babies moved 
 on, shaking their little heads at each other, 
 and muttering all the way up street. Men 
 are but children of a larger growth ! Chil 
 dren but Empires in miniature. 
 
 How beautiful and how strange are the first 
 combinations of thought in a wayward or 
 peevish child ! And then, how alike we all 
 are in our waywardness and peevishness ! It 
 is but a change of name, and one trifle is 
 about as good as another to breed a quarrel, 
 or to throw the wisest and the best of our 
 grown babies oft their balance. A bit of 
 writing, the loss of a paper with pictures on 
 it, a handful of glittering dust, or somebody 
 making mouths at us, a word or a look, and 
 we are stamping with rage, or miserable for 
 half a day. A cloud coming up when the 
 
26 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 horses are at the door, a little bad weather, 
 a spot upon our new clothes, or a lump of 
 sugar not quite so large as another s ; and what 
 children we are ! How perfectly wretched ! 
 
 I once knew a little boy, who, after sitting 
 awhile as if lost in thought, turned to his 
 mother, and said : " Mother ! what did you 
 marry my father for? Why didn t you wait 
 till I grew up, and then marry me ? " Rather 
 a strange question, to be sure, and the little 
 fellow was but just old enough to put his 
 words together. But compare it with many 
 a question put by the sages of earth. Con 
 sider it side by side with the ponderings and 
 the misgivings, the inquisitiveness and the 
 apprehensions of a great Philosopher, when 
 he interrogates the Builder of the Universe, 
 and sets himself in array, face to face, with 
 Jehovah. 
 
 Nay, I have heard a very intelligent person 
 
Children ivhat are they good for? 27 
 
 of mature age betray a confusion of thought 
 altogether as laughable as that of the poor 
 boy. She had been to see a captious old lady 
 whom her father, in his youth, had once in 
 tended to marry. "And how did you like 
 her?" said I. "Not at all," she replied; 
 "oh, you don t know how glad I am that 
 father did not marry her ; I never should have 
 liked her, I am sure." As if, marry whom 
 he might, she must have been born, she her 
 self, with precisely the same preferences, pre 
 judices and opinions ! 
 
 "Oh, mother !" said little Mary, aged two 
 years and a half at the time, looking up as 
 she heard a noise, and blushing from head 
 to foot, " / hear a bad smell, taint me 
 nor brother. It was an old man in the next 
 house ; " hemming loudly and suddenly, with a 
 cough. Modesty is one thing, squeamish- 
 ness about children another ; and this is really 
 too good to be lost. 
 
28 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 I remember a little boy who was a lexicog 
 rapher from his birth, a language-master 
 and a philosopher. From the hour he was 
 able to ask for a piece of bread and butter, 
 he never hesitated for a word, not he ! If 
 one wouldn t serve, another would, with a little 
 twisting and turning. He assured me one 
 day, when I was holding him by the hand 
 rather tighter than he wished (he was but 
 just able to speak at the time) , that I should 
 choke his hand ; at another, he came to me 
 all out of breath, to announce that a man 
 was below shaving the wall. Upon due in 
 quiry, it turned out that he was only -tuhite- 
 ivashing. But how should he know the 
 difference between whitewash and lather, a 
 big brush and a little one? Show me, if you 
 can, a prettier example of synthesis or gen 
 eralization, or a more beautiful adaptation of 
 old words to new purposes. I have heard 
 
Children what are they good for? 29 
 
 another complain of a school-fellow for wink 
 ing at him with his Izpj and he took the 
 affront very much to heart, I assure you, and 
 would not be pacified till the matter was 
 cleared up. 
 
 Another, now at my elbow, hardly five, has 
 just been prattling about the handle of a pin, 
 meaning the head ; to him shavings were 
 board-ravelling*, above a twelvemonth ago, 
 and I never shall forget his earnestness about 
 what he called the necklace of the gate, a 
 heavy iron chain with a large weight swing 
 ing to it, which a wood-sawyer had forgotten 
 to replace after finishing his work. 
 
 It is but yesterday that a little boy, being 
 asked by an elder sister in my presence what 
 a widow was he had been talking 1 about 
 
 o 
 
 a widow replied, A -poor woman that goes 
 out a-washing. What better definition w r ould 
 you have ? At home or abroad, is not the 
 
30 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 poor widow always a-washing, now the floors 
 of a wealthier neighbor, and the clothes of 
 somebody who happens not to be a widow, 
 and now with her own tears the face of her 
 little baby, that lies half asleep and half sob 
 bing in her lap ? Other children talk about 
 the bones in peaches, osteologists are they; 
 and others, when they have the toothache, 
 aver that it burns them. Of such is the 
 empire of poetry. I have heard another give 
 a public challenge in these words to every 
 child that came near, as she sat upon the 
 doorstep with a pile of tamarind-stones, nut 
 shells, and pebbles lying before her: "Ah! 
 I ve got many-er than you ! " That child was 
 a better grammarian than Lindley Murray ; 
 and her wealth, in what was it unlike the 
 hoarded and useless wealth of millions? 
 
 Not long ago, while passing through a 
 narrow, unfrequented street, my attention was 
 
Children what are they good for? 31 
 
 attracted by two. little girls at play together: 
 one a perfect tomboy, with large laughing 
 eyes, and a prodigious quantity of hair; the 
 other a little timid creature, altogether too 
 shy to look up as I passed. The romp was 
 balancing her body over the gate, and the 
 little prude was looking at her. On the op 
 posite side of the way were two smart-looking 
 boys, whom I did not observe till I heard a 
 sweet, clear voice at my elbow saying almost 
 singing, indeed "I ll give oo a kith if oo want 
 one ! " I stopped and heard the offer repeated 
 by the shy looking puss, while the romp stared 
 at her with her mouth wide open, and the 
 boys cleared out with a laugh, being too 
 shame-faced to profit by the offer. Verily, 
 verily, men are but children of a larger 
 growth and women too. 
 
 There was the language of truth, of inno 
 cence, of unadulterated nature ! There are 
 
32 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 no mealy-mouthed human creatures among 
 the pure. But lo ! that child is going forth 
 into the world, leaving behind her the green 
 and beautiful places, haunted with wild flow 
 ers, where everything appeared in the lan 
 guage of truth ; and after a little time, with 
 far less purity, she may blush and tremble 
 at every thought of being kissed, with or with 
 out her leave. And the poor boys, anon 
 they are to be the pursuers, and pray and 
 
 v 
 
 beseech, where, but for a newly-acquired and 
 counterfeit nature, they might loiter along by 
 the wayside, and be sure of a call from the 
 rosy lips and bright eyes that hovered about 
 their path. Poor boys ! 
 
 But children are wonderful for their cour 
 age, their patience, and their fortitude. I 
 have known a little boy completely worn out 
 by watching and suffering, tear off the ban 
 dages at last, and, looking up into the face 
 
Children what are they good for? 33 
 
 of a woman who watched over him, say to 
 her with a sweet smile, " Georgee muss die, 
 Chamber (her name was Chambers), Georgee 
 muss die Georgee want to die." And he 
 did die, with that very smile upon his mouth. 
 
 Not many years ago, another was caught 
 in a mill : they stopped the machinery, and 
 took the wheel to pieces ; but it was an hour 
 and a half before they could free her entirely. 
 During this time she threw her arms about 
 her father s neck, and kissing him, whispered : 
 "Am I dead, -pafaf^ She died within two 
 hours after she was liberated. One might 
 almost expect to see winglets of purple and 
 gold, budding before death, from between the 
 shoulders of such a child. 
 
 The reasoning of the little creatures, too, 
 is always delightful ; and if you are good- 
 natured enough to follow them through their 
 own little demonstrations, without insisting 
 3 
 
34 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 upon the language of a syllogism, always 
 conchisive. Take two or three examples in 
 proof: A child about three years of age, 
 unperceived by its mother, followed her down 
 cellar, and, when its mother returned, was 
 left there. By-and-by the little thing was 
 missed : inquiries were made in every quar 
 ter; the whoje neighborhood was alarmed; 
 the well searched, the hen-house, the barn, 
 the very pigsty ; but all in vain. At 
 last, somebody had occasion to go into 
 the cellar, and there, upon the bottom step 
 of the stairs, the little creature was found, 
 sitting by herself, as still as death, and purple 
 with cold. Half frantic with joy, the mother 
 snatched her up, and, running to the fire with 
 her, asked her why she did not cry. "/ 
 toudn t) ma? was the reply, "I toudn t, ma, 
 it -war tho dark!" After all, now, was not 
 that a capital reason? was it not the truth? 
 
Children what are they good for f 35 
 
 How many are there who cannot, or will not 
 cry, even to their Father above, because it is 
 so dark. Another child of about the same 
 age used to lie awake and chatter by the 
 hour, after she \vent to bed. Out of all 
 patience with her one night, her bedfellow 
 said to her, 
 
 "Will you hold your tongue, Lucinda, and 
 let me go to sleep ? " 
 
 "No, I tan t." 
 
 "You can t, why not, pray?" 
 " Cause it mates my tomach ache. Ant 
 Rachel!" 
 
 And even that child why do you laugh 
 at her? didn t she tell the truth? and was 
 not that a capital reason ? How many grown 
 people are there who cannot hold their 
 tongues and, if the truth were told, because 
 it makes their stomach ache! or for some 
 other reason not half so much to the purpose. 
 
36 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 They are decided politicians, too. A friend 
 of mine has a boy just able to speak. 
 
 " Houyah for Jackson ! " said he one day, 
 before his father. 
 
 " Why, Charles ! why do you hurra for 
 Jackson I am not a Jackson man." 
 
 " Don t tare Too aint I ar ! " was the 
 reply. 
 
 A leader , of course, for the next genera 
 tion of those who are to think for them 
 selves. 
 
 Their childish cunning, too, is exquisite. I 
 remember seeing a little boy about four years 
 of age bite his eldest sister s finger in play 
 so as to leave a mark, for which he was chid 
 den by his mother, whereupon he stole away 
 to his sister and put his finger into her mouth, 
 and told her to bite: she refused, he insisted; 
 after a good deal of persuasion, she yielded. 
 " Harder ! harder ! " whispered he. 
 
Children -what are they good for f 37 
 
 At last a mark appeared a little dent. 
 (You understand French, I hope.) 
 
 "Now!" said he, pulling her toward his 
 mother. ft Now " his large eyes sparkling 
 with triumph, and holding up his plump, 
 rosy little finger, and making all sorts of 
 faces "Now! turn to mother oosef!" 
 
 Was there ever a better illustration of the 
 Thistlewood Plot of the Gunpowder Plot 
 or of that policy which, here as well as there, 
 makes offences profitable to the informer? 
 That boy was but another Vidocq; or an 
 other First Consul of the French Empire. 
 
 And have you never, when riding by in 
 a stage-coach, seen a little fellow at the win 
 dow or the door of a house in the country 
 crying as if his very heart would break ? 
 Did not he always stop till you got by, 
 and then didn t he always begin again ? with 
 the same look, the same voice, and the 
 
38 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 same outcry, refusing to be comforted? 
 These are the fellows for office he only 
 wanted an augmentation of salary ; that was 
 all and I dare say he got it. 
 
 "Ah, ah, hourra ! hourra ! here s a fellow s 
 birthday ! " cried a boy in my hearing once. 
 A number had got together to play ball ; but 
 one of them having found a birthday, and 
 not only the birthday, but the very boy 
 it belonged to, they all gathered about 
 him, as if they had never witnessed a con 
 junction of the sort before. The very fellows 
 for a committee of inquiry ! into the affairs 
 of a national bank, too, if you please. 
 
 Never shall I forget another incident which 
 occurred in my presence, between two other 
 boys. One was trying to jump over a wheel 
 barrow another was going by; he stopped, 
 and, after considering a moment, spoke : 
 
 " I ll tell you what you can t do," said he. 
 
Children what are they good for f 39 
 
 "Well, what is it?" 
 
 " You can t jump down your Own throat." 
 
 "Well, you can t." 
 
 "Can t I though!" 
 
 The simplicity of "Well, you can t," and 
 the roguishness of " Can t I though ! " tickled 
 me prodigiously. They reminded me of 
 sparring I had seen elsewhere I should 
 not like to say where having a great re 
 spect for the Temples of Justice and the Halls 
 of Legislation. 
 
 "I say tis white-oak." 
 
 " I say it s red-oak." 
 
 "Well, I say it s white-oak." 
 
 "I tell ye taint white-oak." 
 
 Here they had joined issue for the first 
 time. 
 
 "I say tis." 
 
 "I say taint." 
 
 "I ll bet ye ten thousand dollars of it." 
 
40 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 "Well, I ll bet you ten thousand dollars ! " 
 
 Such were the very words of a conversation 
 I have just heard between two children, the 
 elder about six, the other about five. Were 
 not these miniature men ? Stock-brokers and 
 Theologians? or only Land Speculators? 
 
 "Well, my lad, you ve been to meeting, 
 hey?" 
 
 "Yes, sir." 
 
 " And who preached for you ? " 
 
 "Mr. P ." 
 
 "Ah! and what did he say?" 
 
 " I can t remember sir, he put me out so." 
 
 "Put you out?" 
 
 "Yes, sir he kept lookin at my new 
 clothes all meetin time." 
 
 That child must have been a close ob 
 server. Will anybody tell me that he did 
 not know what people go to meeting for? 
 
 It wus but yesterday that I passed a fat 
 
Children -what are they good for f 41 
 
 little girl with large hazel eyes, sitting by 
 herself in a gateway, with her feet sticking 
 straight out into the street. She was holding 
 a book in one hand, and with a bit of stick 
 in the other, was pointing to the letters. 
 
 "What s that?" cried she, in a sweet chirp 
 ing voice ; " hey ! Look on ! What s that, I 
 say ? F No o o oh ! " shaking her 
 little head with the air of a school-mistress, 
 who has made up her mind not to be trifled 
 with. 
 
 It reminded me of another little girl some 
 what older, w r ho used to sit and play under 
 neath my windows, and look down into the 
 long green grass at her feet, and shake her 
 head, and laugh and talk by the hour, as 
 if she had a baby there, to the infinite amuse 
 ment of all the neighborhood. That girl 
 should have betaken herself to the stage. 
 She was the very spirit of what may be 
 called the familiar drama. 
 
42 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 Talk as we may about children, their no 
 tions are sometimes both affecting . and sub 
 lime ; and their adventures more extraordinary 
 than were the strangest of Captain Cook s, 
 more perilous than that of him who discovered 
 America. I have known a child, not three 
 years of age, and hardly tall enough to reach 
 the round of a ladder, clamber up the side 
 and along the roof, and seat himself on the 
 ridge-pole of a two-story house, before they 
 discovered him. 
 
 Very odd things occur to all parents, if 
 they would but observe them, and treasure 
 them in the flowering of their children s 
 hearts. 
 
 "When I am dead, sister Mary, I ll come 
 back to see you, and you must save all the 
 crumbs and feed me won t ye, sister Mary?" 
 said a little boy to his sister. 
 
 Upon full inquiry, I found that he had 
 
Children -what are they good for? 43 
 
 associated the idea of little angels, that would 
 fly about, with the pigeons belonging to a 
 neighbor, which he had been accustomed to 
 toll from the perch into the back-yard, with 
 little crumbs of bread, saved at the table. On 
 another occasion, he laid down his knife and 
 fork, and looking up with the most perfect 
 seriousness and apparent good faith, said, 
 
 "Father, I mustn t eat any more fat meat." 
 
 "Why not, my boy?" 
 
 "God told me I must not." 
 
 God! when?" 
 
 "Last night, father." 
 
 Of course the child had been dreaming 
 so I urged the inquiry a little further: 
 
 "Did you see God?" 
 
 "Yes, father." 
 
 "And how did He look?" 
 
 "Oh, He looked like a like a "thought 
 fully, and casting about for a comparison 
 
44 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 and then all at once he brightened up and 
 
 said, 
 
 
 
 " Like a woodchuck, father ! " 
 
 For a moment I was thunder-struck 
 where could he have got such an idea? 
 He had never seen a woodchuck in his life. 
 Instead of laughing at the absurdity of the 
 notion, however, I treated the matter very 
 seriously, and after a while found that he 
 had been on the watch at the window every 
 day for nearly a month, to see a woodchuck 
 which had escaped from a neighbor, and 
 burrowed under our wood-house, and used 
 to come out after nightfall to feed. The 
 little fellow was perfectly honest he had 
 no idea of untruth or irreverence ; others 
 had seen the woodchuck, and he had not, 
 and nothing occurred to him half so strange 
 or mysterious for a comparison. It would 
 not do to compare God with anything he 
 
Children what are they good for? 45 
 
 had seen, and a woodchuck was the only 
 thing he had not seen which corresponded 
 at all with his notions of the Invisible. 
 
 But children have other characters. At 
 times they are creatures to be afraid of. 
 Every case I give, is a fact within my own 
 observation. There are children, and I have 
 had to do with them, whose very eyes were 
 terrible : children who, after years of watch 
 ful and anxious discipline, were as indomitable 
 as the young of the wild beast dropped in 
 the wilderness ; crafty, and treacherous, and 
 cruel. And others I have known, who, if 
 they live, must have dominion over the mul 
 titude ; being evidently of them that, from 
 the foundations of the world, have been al 
 ways thundering at the gates of Power. 
 
 There sits a little girl with raisins in her 
 lap. She had enough to spare a few minutes 
 ago, but now she has given them all away, 
 
46 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 handful by handful, to a much older and 
 more crafty child. She has not another left ; 
 and as she sits by him, and looks him up 
 in the face, and asks him for one now and 
 then so innocently, he keeps cramming them 
 into his mouth, and occasionally doles one 
 out to her with such a look ! so strangely 
 made up of reluctance and self-gratulation. 
 And she, poor thing, whenever she gets one, 
 affects to enjoy it prodigiously, shaking her 
 head, and making a noise with her mouth 
 as if it were crammed full. Just as the 
 twig is bent, etc., etc. 
 
 And it is but the other day only a week 
 ago I had an opportunity of seeing a 
 similar case. A girl of eighteen months 
 was overhauling her play-basket before a boy 
 of seven. She was ready enough to show 
 all her toys, but whatever he took into his 
 hand, she would instantly reach after. Be- 
 
Children what are they good forf 47 
 
 fore two minutes were over, I found him 
 playing the man of business, pretending to 
 like what he did not, and to dislike what 
 he most coveted. There were heaps of play 
 things strewed about over the floor. Among 
 them w r ere the remains of a little dog which 
 had been sadly pulled to pieces, but which 
 the boy took a decided fancy to, nevertheless. 
 He kept his eye upon them, and after taking 
 possession leaned over toward the little girl, 
 and shook his head, and spoke in that pe 
 culiarly soothing voice, and with that coaxing 
 manner, which are common to horse-dealers, 
 and which children so well know how to 
 counterfeit when they have a worthy object 
 in view. 
 
 "Oh, the pretty teapot! Oh my! Mary 
 want it," said he, turning it over and over, 
 and carefully displaying the crooked nose, 
 the warped handle, and the useless bottom, 
 while he secured the dog. 
 
48 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 That over, he tried his hand at a little 
 Indian basket, talking all the time as fast as 
 his tongue could run, in favor of the toys 
 he had no relish for. A diplomatist in em 
 bryo, a chess-player, a merchant, a lawyer ? 
 What more can the best of them do ? What 
 more have they ever done ? 
 
 I saw three children throwing sticks at a 
 cow. She grew tired of her share in the 
 game at last, and, holding down her head 
 and shaking it, demanded a new deal. They 
 cut and run. After getting to a place of 
 comparative security, they stopped, and hold 
 ing by the top of a board-fence, over which 
 they had clambered, began to reconnoitre. 
 Meanwhile another troop of children hove 
 in sight, and, arming themselves with brick 
 bats, began to approach the same cow ; 
 whereupon two of the others called out from 
 the fence, 
 
Children what are they good for? 49 
 
 " You Joe ! you better mind ! that s our 
 cow ! " 
 
 The plea was admitted without a demurrer, 
 and the cow was left to be tormented by the 
 legal owners. Hadn t these boys the law 
 on their side ? 
 
 A youth once lived with me who owned 
 a little dog. One day I caught the dog 
 worrying what I supposed to be a rat, and 
 the boy standing over him and encouraging 
 him. It proved to be .a toad ; the poor crea 
 ture escaped during my interference. Before 
 a month had gone over, the dog showed 
 symptoms of hydrophobia, and I shot him. 
 Not long after this I found the boy at a 
 pump trying to keep a tub full, which ap 
 peared to have no bottom. I inquired what 
 he was doing, and it turned out that he was 
 trying to drown a frog. I asked the reason : 
 4 
 
50 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 Because a toad had poisoned the poor little 
 dog. 
 
 Here was a process of ratiocination worthy 
 of any autocrat that ever breathed. Because 
 A suffered soon after worrying B, therefore 
 C shall be pumped to death. Precisely the 
 case of Poland. 
 
 I know another little boy who once lost 
 a favorite dog. About a week afterward the 
 dog reappeared, and the boy was the happiest 
 creature alive. But something happened a 
 little out of the way, which caused further 
 inquiry, when it turned out that the new 
 dog was not the old one, though astonishingly 
 like. The only difference I could perceive 
 was a white spot under the neck. Well, 
 what does our boy do? receive the stranger 
 with thankfulness, and adopt him with joy, 
 for his extraordinary resemblance to a lost 
 favorite ? No, indeed ; but he gives him a 
 
Children ivhat are they good for ? 51 
 
 terrible thumping, and turns him neck-and- 
 heels out of doors on a cold, rainy night ! 
 As if the poor dog had been guilty of per 
 sonating another ! How perfectly of a piece 
 with the behavior of grown people who have 
 cheated themselves, and found it out. Woe 
 to the innocent and the helpless who lie in 
 their path ! or sleep in their bosom, or inhabit 
 among their household gods ! 
 
 But children are not merely unjust, and 
 cruel, and treacherous, even as men are. 
 Like men, they are murderers, mischief- 
 makers, devils, at times. I knew two boys, 
 the older not more than four, who caught a 
 hen, and, having pulled out her eyes with 
 crooked pins, they let her go ; after which, 
 on seeing her stagger and tumble about, and 
 perhaps afraid of discovery, they determined 
 to cut off her head. One was to hold her, 
 and the other to perform the operation ; but 
 
52 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 for a long while they could not agree upon 
 their respective shares in the performance. 
 At last they hit upon a precious expedient. 
 They laid her upon the steps, put a board 
 over her body, upon which one of the two 
 sat, while the other sawed off her head 
 with a dull case-knife. Parents ! Fathers ! 
 Mothers ! What child of four years of age 
 was ever capable of such an act, without a 
 long course of preparation ? for neglect is 
 preparation. Both were murderers, and their 
 parents were their teachers. If " the child 
 is father of the man," what is to become of 
 such children ? If it be true that "just as 
 the twig is bent the tree s inclined," how 
 much have you to answer for ? If " men 
 are but children of a larger growth," watch 
 your children forever, by day and by night ! 
 pray for them forever, by night and by day ! 
 and not as children, but as Men of a smaller 
 
Children what are they good for f 53 
 
 growth, as men with most of the evil pas 
 sions, and with all the evil propensities, that 
 go to make man terrible to his fellow-men, 
 his countenance hateful, his approach a fiery 
 pestilence, and his early death a blessing, 
 even to his father and mother! 
 
GOODY GRACIOUS! 
 
 AND THE 
 
 FORGET-ME-NOT 
 
 there was a little bit of a thing, 
 not more than so high, and her name 
 was Ruth Page ; but they called her Teenty- 
 Tawnty, for she was the daintiest little crea 
 ture you ever saw, with the smoothest hair 
 and the brightest face ; and then she was 
 always playing about, and always happy : 
 and so the people that lived in that part of 
 the country, when they heard her laughing 
 and singing all by herself at peep of day, 
 like little birds after a shower, and saw her 
 running about in the edge of the wood after 
 tulips and butterflies, or tumbling head-over- 
 (55) 
 
56 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 heels in the long rich grass by the river side, 
 with her little pet lamb or her two white 
 pigeons always under her feet, or listening 
 to the wild bees in the apple-blossoms, with 
 her sweet mouth " all in a tremble," and her 
 happy eyes brimful of sunshine, they used 
 to say that she was no child at all, or no 
 child of earth, but a Fairy-gift, and that she 
 must have been dropped into her mother s lap, 
 like a handful of flowers, when she was half 
 asleep ; and so they wouldn t call her Ruth 
 Page, no indeed, that they wouldn t! 
 but they called her little Teenty-Tawnty, or 
 the little Fairy ; and they used to bring her 
 Fairy Tales to read, till she couldn t bear to 
 read anything else, and wanted to be a Fairy 
 herself. 
 
 Well, and so one day, when she was out 
 in the sweet-smelling woods, all alone by 
 herself, singing, "Where are you going, my 
 
Goody Gracw2is! 57 
 
 pretty maid, my pretty maid ? " and watching 
 the gold-jackets, and the blue dragon-flies, 
 and the sweet pond-lilies, and the bright- 
 eyed glossy eels, and the little crimson-spotted 
 fish, as they " coiled and swam," and darted 
 hither and thither, like "flashes of golden 
 fire," and then huddled together, all of a 
 sudden, just underneath the green turf where 
 she sat, as if they saw something, and were 
 half frightened to death, and were trying to 
 hide in the shadow ; well and so as she 
 sat there, with her little naked feet hanging 
 over and almost touching the water, singing 
 to herself, "My face is my fortune, sir, she 
 said ! sir, she said ! " and looking down into 
 a deep sunshiny spot, and holding the soft 
 smooth hair away from her face with both 
 hands, and trying to count the dear little fish 
 before they got over their fright, all at once 
 she began to think of the Water-Fairies, and 
 
58 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 how cool and pleasant it must be to live in 
 these deep sunshiny hollows, with green turf 
 all about you, the blossoming trees and the 
 blue skies overhead, the bright gravel un 
 derneath your feet, like powdered stars, and 
 thousands of beautiful fish for playfellows ! 
 all spotted with gold and crimson, or winged 
 with rose-leaves, and striped with faint purple 
 and burnished silver, like the shells and 
 flowers of the deep sea, where the moon 
 light buds and blossoms forever and ever; 
 and then she thought if she could only 
 just reach over, and dip one of her little fat 
 rosy feet into the smooth shining w r ater, 
 just once only once, it would be so 
 pleasant ! and she should be so happy ! and 
 then, if she could but manage to scare the 
 fishes a little a very little that would 
 be such glorious fun, too, wouldn t it, you ? 
 Well and so she kept stooping and stoop- 
 
Goody Gracious! 59 
 
 ing, and stretching and stretching, and sing 
 ing to herself all the while, " Sir, she said ! 
 sir, she said ! I m going a-milking, sir, she 
 said ! " till just as she was ready to tumble 
 in, head first, something jumped out of the 
 bushes behind her, almost touching her as 
 it passed, and went plump into the deepest 
 part of the pool ! saying, " Once I once I " 
 with a booming sound, like the tolling of a 
 great bell under water, and afar off. 
 
 " Goody gracious ! what s that ? " screamed 
 little Ruth Page ; and then, the very next 
 moment, she began to laugh and jump and 
 clap her hands, to see what a scampering 
 there was among the poor silly fish, and all 
 for nothing ! said she ; for out came a great 
 good-natured bull-frog, with an eye like a 
 bird, and a big bell-mouth, and a back all 
 frosted over with precious stones, and drip 
 ping with sunshine ; and there he sat looking 
 
60 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 at her awhile, as if he wanted to frighten 
 her away ; and then he opened his great 
 lubberly mouth at her, and bellowed out, 
 "Once! once!" and vanished. 
 
 " Luddy tuddy ! who cares for you ? " said 
 little Ruth ; and so, having got over her fright, 
 she began to creep to the edge of the bank 
 once more, and look down into the deep 
 water, to see what had become of the little 
 fish that were so plentiful there, and so happy 
 but a few minutes before. But they were all 
 gone, and the water was as still as death; 
 and while she sat looking into it, and waiting 
 for them to come back, and wondering why 
 they should be so frightened at nothing but 
 a bull-frog, which they must have seen a 
 thousand times, the poor little simpletons ! 
 and thinking she should like to catch one 
 of the smallest and carry it home to her little 
 baby-brother, all at once a soft shadow fell 
 
Goody Gracious! 61 
 
 upon the water, and the scented wind blew 
 her smooth hair all into her eyes, and as she 
 put up both hands in a hurry to pull it away, 
 she heard something like a whisper close to 
 her ear, saying, " Twice! twice!" and just 
 then the trailing branch of a tree swept over 
 the turf, and filled the whole air with a storm 
 of blossoms, and she heard the same low 
 whisper repeated close at her ear, saying, 
 " Twice! twice!" and then she happened to 
 look down into the water, and what do 
 you think she saw there? 
 
 "Goody gracious, mamma! is that you?" 
 said poor little Ruth ; and up she jumped, 
 screaming louder than ever, and looking all 
 about her, and calling " Mamma, mamma ! 
 I see you, mamma ! you needn t hide, 
 mamma ! " But no mamma was to be found. 
 
 "Well, if that isn t the strangest thing!" 
 said little Ruth, at last, after listening a few 
 
62 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 minutes, on looking all round everywhere, 
 and up into the trees, and away off down the 
 river-path, and then toward the house. "If 
 I didn t think I saw my dear good mamma s 
 face in the water, as plain as day, and if 
 I didn t hear something whisper in my ear 
 and say, Twice I twice! " and then she 
 stopped, and held her breath, and listened 
 again "If I didn t hear it as plain as I 
 ever heard anything in my life, then my 
 name isn t Ruth Page, that s all, nor Teenty- 
 Tawnty neither ! " And then she stopped, 
 and began to feel very unhappy and sorrow 
 ful ; for she remembered how her mother 
 had cautioned her never to go near the river, 
 nor into the woods alone, and how she had 
 promised her mother many and many a time 
 never to do so, never, never ! And then the 
 tears came into her eyes, and she began to 
 wish herself away from the haunted spot, 
 
Goody Gracious! 63 
 
 where she could kneel down and say her 
 prayers ; and then she looked up to the sky, 
 and then down into the still water, and then 
 she thought she would just go and take one 
 more peep only one just to see if the 
 dear little fishes had got over their fright, 
 and then she would run home to her mother, 
 and tell her how forgetful she had been, and 
 how naughty, and ask her to give her some 
 thing that would make her remember her 
 promises. Poor thing ! little did she know 
 how deep the water was, nor how wonder 
 fully she had escaped ! once, once ! twice, 
 twice ! and still she ventured a third time. 
 
 Well and so don t you think, she crept 
 along crept along to the very edge of the 
 green, slippery turf, on her hands and knees, 
 half trembling with fear, and half laughing 
 to think of that droll-looking fat fellow, with 
 the big bell-mouth, and the yellow breeches, 
 
64 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 and the grass-green military jacket, turned 
 up with buff and embroidered with gems, 
 and the bright golden eye that had so fright 
 ened her before, and wondering in her little 
 heart if he would show himself again ; and 
 singing all the while, as she crept nearer 
 and nearer, " Nobody asked you, sir, she 
 said ! sir, she said ! nobody asked you, sir, 
 she said ! " till at last she had got near 
 enough to look over, and see the little fishes 
 there tumbling about by dozens, and playing 
 bo-peep among the flowers that grew under 
 neath the bank, and multiplied by thou 
 sands in the clear water, when, all at 
 once, she felt the turf giving way, and she 
 put out her arms and screamed for her 
 mother. Goody gracious ! how she did scream ! 
 and then something answered from the flow 
 ing waters underneath, and from the flowering 
 trees overhead, with a mournful sweet sound, 
 
Goody Gracious! 65 
 
 like wailing afar off, " Thrice! thrice!" and 
 the flashing waters swelled up, saying, 
 " Thrice ! thrice ! " and the flowering branch 
 of the tree swept over the turf, and the sound 
 w r as the same, " Thrice! thrice!" and in she 
 went headlong, into the deepest part of the 
 pool, screaming with terror, and calling on 
 her mother to the last : poor mother ! 
 
 Well and so when she came to herself, 
 where do you think she was ? Why, she 
 was lying out in the warm summer air, on 
 a green bank, all tufted with cowslips and 
 violets and clover-blossoms, with a plenty of 
 strawberries underneath her feet, and the 
 bluest water you ever saw all round her, 
 murmuring like the rose-lipped sea-shells ; 
 and the air was full of singing-birds, and 
 there was a little old woman looking at her, 
 w r ith the funniest cap, and a withered face 
 not bigger than you may see when you look 
 5 
 
66 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 at the baby through the big end of a spy 
 glass : the cap was a morning-glory, and it 
 was tied underneath the chin with bleached 
 cobweb, and the streamers and bows were 
 just like the colors you see in a soap-bubble. 
 
 " Goody gracious ! where am I now ? " said 
 little Ruth. 
 
 "Yes, my dear, that s my name," said the 
 little old woman, dropping a low courtesy, 
 and then spinning round two or three times, 
 and squatting down suddenly, so as to make 
 what you call a cheese. 
 
 "Why, you don t mean to say that s your 
 real name," whispered little Ruth. 
 
 " To be sure it is ! just as much as and 
 pray, my little creature, what s your name ?" 
 
 " Mine ! oh my name is Ruth Page, only 
 Ruth Page," and up she jumped, and spun 
 round among the strawberries and flowers, 
 and tried to make a courtesy like the little 
 
Goody Gracious! 67 
 
 old woman, and then they both burst out 
 a-laughing together. 
 
 "Well," said Goody Gracious, "you re a 
 nice, good-natured, funny little thing, I ll say 
 that for you, as ever I happened to meet 
 with; but haven t you another and a prettier 
 name, hey ? " 
 
 "Why, sometimes they call me Little 
 Teenty-Tawnty," said Ruth. 
 
 " Fiddle-de-dee, I don t like that name any 
 better than the other : we must give you a 
 new name," said the little old woman ; " but 
 first tell me" and she grew very serious, 
 and her little sharp eyes changed color 
 "first tell me how you happened to be here, 
 in the very heart of Fairy-land, with nobody 
 to take care of you, and not so much as a 
 wasp or a bumble-bee to watch over you 
 when you are asleep." 
 
 "Indeed, and indeed, ma am, I don t know," 
 
68 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 said little Ruth ; " all I do know is, that I 
 have been very naughty, and that I am 
 drowned, and that I shall never see my poor 
 dear mamma any more ! " And then she up 
 and told the whole story to the little old 
 woman, crying bitterly all the while. 
 
 " Don t take on so, my little dear, don t, 
 don t ! " said Goody Gracious ; and out she 
 whipped what appeared to Ruth nothing but 
 a rumpled leaf of the tiger-lily, and wiped 
 her eyes with it. " Be a good child, and, 
 after a trial of three days in Fairy-land, if 
 you want to go back to your mother you 
 shall go, and you may carry with you a 
 token to her that you have told the truth." 
 
 "Oh, bless your little dear old-fashioned 
 face," cried Ruth ; "oh, bless you, bless you ! 
 only give me a token that will make me 
 always remember what I have promised my 
 poor dear mother, and I shall be so happy, 
 and I won t ask for anything else." 
 
Goody Gracious! 69 
 
 " What, neither for humming-birds, nor 
 gold-fish, nor butterflies, nor diamonds, nor 
 pearls, nor anything you have been wishing 
 for so long, ever since you were able to read 
 about Fairy-land ? " 
 
 " No, ma am ; just give me a ring of wheat- 
 straw, or a brooch from the ruby-beetle, if 
 you like, and I shall be satisfied." 
 
 " Be it so ; but, before I change you to a 
 fairy, you must make choice of what you 
 want to see in Fairy-land for three days run 
 ning ; for, at the end of that time, I shall 
 change you back again, so that if you are 
 of the same mind then, you may go back 
 to your mother, and, if not, you will stay 
 with us forever and ever." 
 
 "Forever and ever?" said Ruth, and she 
 trembled ; " please ma am, I should like to 
 go now, if it s all the same to you." 
 
 " No ! but take this flower ; " and, as she 
 
70 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 spoke, she stooped down, and pulled up a 
 forget-me-not by the roots, and breathed upon 
 it, and it blossomed all over. "Take this 
 root," said she, " and plant it somewhere, and 
 tend it well, and at any time after three days, 
 if you get tired of being here, all you have 
 to do will be just to pull it up out of the 
 earth, and wish yourself at home, and you 
 will find yourself there in a moment, in your 
 own little bed." 
 
 " Goody gracious ! you don t say so I " 
 
 "But I do say so." 
 
 " I declare, I ve a good mind to try ! " 
 
 " What, pull it up before you have planted 
 it ? No, no, my dear. It must be left out 
 threescore and twelve hours, and be watered 
 with the dews and the starlight of the South 
 Sea, where you are now, thousands and 
 thousands of miles from your own dear 
 country ; but there is one thing I would have 
 you know before you plant the flower." 
 
Goody Gracious! 71 
 
 "If you please, ma am," said little Ruth. 
 
 "It is given to you, my dear, to help you 
 correct your faults; you mean to do right, 
 and you try pretty hard, but you are so for 
 getful, you say." 
 
 "Yes, ma am." 
 
 "Well, now, but remember just so long 
 as you tend this plant with care, and water 
 it every day at the same hour, every day, 
 mind you, and at the same hour, you will 
 be growing better." 
 
 Ruth was overjoyed. 
 
 " But," continued the fairy, " if you neglect 
 it for a single day, it will begin to droop 
 and wither, the leaves will change, and some 
 of the blossoms will drop off, and your mother 
 will begin to feel unhappy and low-spirited." 
 
 " Oh, yes ; but I never shall, ma am 
 never, never!" 
 
 " Don t be too sure ; and if you neglect it 
 
72 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 for two whole days running, all the flowers 
 will drop off but one, and your mother will 
 take to her bed, and nobody but you will 
 know what ails her." 
 
 Poor Ruth began to tremble, and the tears 
 came in her eyes. 
 
 " But," continued the fairy, " but if you 
 should neglect it for three days running, my 
 poor child but for three days running 
 the last flower will drop off, and your mother 
 will die of a broken heart." 
 
 "Oh, mercy, mercy ! " cried poor little Ruth. 
 "Oh, take it! take it! I wouldn t have it for 
 the world ! " and she flung it down upon the 
 loose earth, and shook her little fingers, just 
 as if something had stung her. 
 
 " It is too late now. See, my dear, it has 
 already taken root, and now there is no help 
 for it. Remember ! your mother s health, 
 happiness and life depend upon that flower. 
 
Goody Gracious! 73 
 
 Watch it well ! And now, daughter of 
 earth," and, as she spoke, she stooped, and 
 pulled up a whole handful of violets, drip 
 ping with summer rain, and repeating the 
 words, " Daughter of earth, away ! Rose 
 bud, appear ! " shook the moisture all over 
 her; and instantly the dear child found her 
 self afloat in the air, with pinions of purple 
 gauze, bedropped with gold, with millions 
 of little fairies all about her, swarming like 
 butterflies and blossoms after a pleasant rain, 
 and welcoming their sister Rosebud to Fairy 
 land. 
 
 "Well," thought Rosebud, we must call 
 her Rosebud now, "well, if this being a 
 little fairy isn t one of the pleasantest things ! " 
 and then she recollected that she had only 
 three days to stay there and see the sights, 
 and she looked round her to ask if there was 
 anybody near to help her, and take charge 
 
74 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 of her, and tell her what to do, and where 
 to go. 
 
 " Daughter," said a sweet voice that she 
 knew, though it appeared to come out, and 
 steal up from the leaves of another morning- 
 glory, " Daughter ! " 
 
 "Mother," said Rosebud. 
 
 "You may have your choice to-day of 
 these three things, a butterfly-hunt, a wed 
 ding, or a play." 
 
 " Oh, a wedding, a wedding ! " said Rose 
 bud. "Oh, I have always wanted to see a 
 wedding ! " 
 
 "Be it so," said the voice; and instantly 
 a sweet wind arose, and lifted her up, and 
 swept her, and thousands more like her, over 
 the blue deep, so swiftly that nothing could 
 be seen but a mist of sparkles here and 
 there, till they all found themselves on the 
 seashore, at the mouth of a deep sparry cave, 
 
Goody Gracious I 
 
 all hung about with the richest moss, and 
 lighted with pearls in clusters, and with little 
 patches of glowworms, and carpeted with 
 the wings of butterflies. In the midst were 
 a multitude of little fairies, hovering and 
 floating over a throne of spider-net ivory, 
 on which lay the bride, with a veil of star 
 light, interwoven with the breath of roses, 
 covering her from head to foot, and falling 
 over the couch, like sunshine playing on 
 clear water. 
 
 By and by a faint, strange murmuring was 
 heard afar off, like the ringing of lily-bells 
 to the touch of the honey-bees, growing 
 louder and louder, and coming nearer and 
 nearer every moment. Rosebud turned to 
 ward the sea with all the other fairies, and 
 held her breath ; and after a few moments, a 
 fleet of little ships, with the most delicate 
 purple and azure sails, so thin that you could 
 
76 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 see the sky through them, came tilting along 
 over the sea, as if they were alive, and so 
 they were, and drew up, as if in order of 
 battle, just before the mouth of the cave ; 
 and then a silver trumpet sounded on the 
 shore, and a swarm of hornets appeared, 
 whizzing and whirring all about the cave ; 
 and then there was another trumpet, and 
 another, about as loud as you may hear from 
 a caged blue-bottle, and compliments were 
 interchanged, and a salute fired, which fright 
 ened the little lady-fairies into all sorts of 
 shapes, and made the little fairy-bride jump 
 up and ask if her time had come, though, 
 to tell you the truth, the noise did not appear 
 much more terrible to Rosebud than her little 
 brother s pop-gun ; and then, a sort of barge, 
 not unlike the blossom of a sweet pea in 
 shape, was manned from the largest of the 
 fleet, and, when it touched the bright spark- 
 
Goody Gracious! 77 
 
 ling sand, out leaped a little prince of a 
 fellow, with a bunch of white feathers in his 
 hat, plucked from the moth-miller, a sword 
 like the finest cambric needle belted about 
 his waist, and the most unimpeachable small 
 clothes. 
 
 This turned out to be the bridegroom ; and 
 after a few more flourishes, and not a little 
 pulling and hauling among the bridesmaids, 
 the bride and the bridegroom stood up to 
 gether, and looked silly and sheepish, as if 
 butter wouldn t melt in their mouths ; and 
 after listening awhile to an old droning- 
 beetle, without hearing a word he said, they 
 bowed and courtesied, and made some sort of 
 a reply, nobody could guess what; and then 
 forth stepped the master of ceremonies, a 
 priggish-looking grasshopper, with straw- 
 colored tights, and a fashionable coat, single- 
 breasted, and so quakerish, it set poor little 
 
78 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 Rosebud a-laughing, in spite of all she could 
 do, every time she looked at his legs ; and 
 then! out flew the ten thousand trumpeting 
 bumble-bees, and the katydid grew noisier 
 than ever, and the cricket chirruped for joy, 
 and the bridegroom touched the bride s cheek, 
 and pointed slyly toward a little heap of 
 newly-gathered roses and violets, piled up 
 afar off, in a shadowy part of the cave, just 
 underneath a trailing canopy of changeable 
 moss ; the bride blushed, and the fairies tit 
 tered, and little Rosebud turned away, and 
 wished herself at home, and instantly the bride 
 and the bridegroom vanished ! and the ships 
 and the fairies ! and the lights and the music ! 
 and Rosebud found herself standing face to 
 face with the little withered old woman, who 
 was looking mournfully at the drooping forget- 
 me-not. The tears came into her eyes ; and 
 for the first time since the flower took root 
 
Goody Gracious! 79 
 
 for the very first time she began to 
 think of her mother, and of her promise 
 to the fairy ; and she stooped down, in an 
 agony of terror, and shame, and self-reproach, 
 to see how it fared with her forget-me-not. 
 Alas ! it had already begun to droop and 
 wither ; and the leaves were changing color, 
 and the blossoms were dropping off, and 
 she knew that her mother was beginning to 
 suffer. 
 
 " Oh that I had never seen the hateful 
 flower ! " cried Rosebud ; and then instantly 
 recollecting herself, she dropped upon her 
 knees, and kissed it, and wept upon it, and 
 the flower seemed refreshed by her tears ; 
 and when she stood up and looked into the 
 face of the good little fairy, and saw her 
 lips tremble, and the color change in her 
 sweet mournful eyes, she felt as if she never 
 should be happy again. 
 
8o Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 " Daughter of earth ! child of the air ! " said 
 the fairy, "two more days remain to thee. 
 What wouldst thou have ? " 
 
 " Oh nothing ! nothing ! Let me but go 
 back to my dear, dear mother, and I shall 
 be so happy ! " 
 
 "That cannot be. These trials are to pre 
 pare thee for thy return to her. Be patient, 
 and take thy choice of these three things, 
 a tournament, a coronation, or a ball ! " 
 
 " Goody gracious ! how I should like to 
 see a coronation ! " cried Rosebud ; and then 
 she recollected herself, and blushed and court- 
 esied, and said, " If you please, ma am." 
 
 " Call me mother, my dear ; in Fairy-land 
 I am your mother." 
 
 "Well, mother," said Rosebud, the tears 
 starting into her eyes and her heart swelling, 
 as she determined never to call her mamma, 
 no, never! "Well, mother, if you please, I 
 
Goody Gracious! 81 
 
 would rather stay here and watch the flower ; 
 I don t want to see anything more in Fairy 
 land ; I ve had enough of such things to last 
 me as long as I live. But oh, if I should 
 happen to fall asleep ! " 
 
 " If you should, my dear, you will wake 
 in season ; but take your choice." 
 
 "Thank you, mother, but I choose to stay 
 here." 
 
 At these words the fairy vanished, and 
 Rosebud was left alone, looking at the dear 
 little flower, which seemed to grow fresher 
 and fresher, and more and more beautiful 
 every minute, and wondering whether it 
 would be so with her dear mamma ; and 
 then she fell a-thinking about her home, 
 and how much trouble she had given her 
 mother, and how much better she would 
 always be, after she had got back to her 
 once more; and then she fell asleep, and 
 6 
 
82 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 slept so soundly that she did not wake till 
 the sun was up, and it was time to water 
 the flower. 
 
 At first she was terribly frightened; but 
 when she remembered what the fairy told 
 her, she began to feel comfortable, and, lest 
 something might happen, she took a little 
 sea-shell that lay there, and running down to 
 the water, dipped it up full, and was on her 
 way back, thinking how happy her poor dear 
 mamma would feel if she could only know 
 what it was and -who it was that made her 
 so much better, when she heard the strangest 
 and sweetest noises all about her in the air, 
 as if the whole sky were full of the happiest 
 and merriest creatures ! and when she looked 
 up, lo ! there was a broad glitter to be seen, 
 as if the whole population of Fairy-land were 
 passing right over her head, making a sort 
 of path like that you see at sunrise along 
 
Goody Gracious! 83 
 
 the blue deep, when the waters are motion 
 less, and smooth, and clear. 
 
 "Well," said she, looking up, " I do wonder 
 where they are going so fast " and then 
 she stopped " and I do think they might 
 be civil enough just to let a body know ; I 
 dare say tis the coronation, or the butterfly 
 hunt, or the tournament, or the oh, how I 
 should like to be there ! " 
 
 No sooner was the wish uttered, than she 
 found herself seated in a high gallery, as 
 delicately carved as the ivory fans of the 
 East; with diamonds and ostrich-feathers all 
 about and below her, and a prodigious 
 crowd assembled in the open air, with the 
 lists open a trumpet sounding and scores 
 of knights armed cap-a-pie, and mounted .on 
 dragon-flies, waiting for the charge. All eyes 
 were upon her, and everybody about was 
 whispering her name, and she never felt half 
 
84 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 so happy in her life; and she was just be 
 ginning to compare the delicate embroidery 
 of her wings with that of her next neighbor, 
 a sweet little Fairy, who sat looking through 
 her fingers at a youthful champion below, 
 and pouting, and pouting, as if she wanted 
 everybody to know that he had jilted her, 
 when she happened to see a little forget-me- 
 not embroidered on his beaver; and she in 
 stantly recollected her promise, and cried 
 out, " Oh, mamma ! mamma I " and wished 
 herself back again, where she might sit by 
 the flower and watch over it, and never leave 
 it, never ! till her three days of trial were 
 ended. 
 
 In a moment, before she could speak a 
 word, or even make a bow to the nice little 
 boy-fairy, who had just handed her up her 
 glove on the point of a lance like a sun 
 beam, she found herself seated by the flower. 
 
Goody Gracious! 85 
 
 Poor little thing ! It was too late ! Every 
 blossom had fallen off but one, and that 
 looked unhealthy, and trembled when she 
 breathed upon it. She thought of her 
 mamma, and fancied she could see them 
 carrying her up to bed, and all the doctors 
 there, and nobody able to tell what ailed 
 her; and she threw herself all along upon 
 the grass, and wished all the fairies at the 
 bottom of the Red Sea, and herself with 
 them ! And when she looked up, what do 
 you think she saw ? and where do you think 
 she was? why, she was at the bottom of the 
 Red Sea, and all the wonders of the Red 
 Sea were about her, chariots and chariot- 
 wheels and the skeletons of war-horses, and 
 mounted warriors, with heaps of glittering 
 armor, and jewels of silver, and jewels of 
 gold, and banner, and shield, and spear, with 
 millions and millions of little sea-fairies, and 
 
86 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 Robin Goodfellows, and giants and dwarfs, 
 and the funniest looking monsters you ever 
 did see ; and the waters were all bright with 
 fairy-lamps that were alive, and with ribbons 
 that were alive, and with changeable flowers 
 that swam about and whispered to each other 
 in a language of their own ; and there were 
 great heaps of pearl washed up into drifts 
 and ridges, and a pile of the strangest- 
 looking old-fashioned furniture, of gold and 
 ivory, and little mermaids with their dolls 
 not longer than your finger, with live fishes 
 for tails, jumping about and playing hide- 
 and-seek with the sun-spots and star-fishes, 
 and the striped water-snakes of the Indian 
 seas the most brilliant and beautiful of all 
 the creatures that live there. 
 
 And while she was looking about her, and 
 wondering at all she saw, she happened to 
 think once more of the forget-me-not, and 
 
Goody Gracious! 87 
 
 to wish herself back again ! At that instant 
 she heard a great heavy bell booming and 
 tolling she knew it was tolling and she 
 knew she was too late and she knew that 
 her mother was dead of a broken heart, 
 and she fell upon her face, and stretched 
 forth her hands with a shriek, and prayed 
 God to forgive her ! and allow her to see 
 her mother once more only once more ! 
 
 "Why, what ails the child?" whispered 
 somebody that seemed to be stooping over 
 her. 
 
 It was her mother s voice ! and poor Ruth 
 was afraid to look up, lest it should all vanish 
 forever. 
 
 " Upon my word, Sarah," said another 
 voice, it was her father s ; "upon my word, 
 Sarah, I do not know ; but the poor little 
 creature s thoughts appear to have undergone 
 another change. I have heard nothing to-day 
 
88 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 of the forget-me-not which troubled her so 
 the first week, have you ? " 
 
 "She has mentioned it but once to-day, 
 and then she shuddered; but perhaps we 
 had better keep it in the glass till we see 
 whether it will bear to be transplanted, for 
 she seems to have set her little heart upon 
 having that flower live ; I wish I knew why ! " 
 
 "Do you, indeed, mamma?" whispered 
 poor Ruth, still without looking up ; " well, 
 then, I will tell you. That flower was given 
 me by a fairy to make me remember my 
 promises to you, my poor, dear, dead mamma ; 
 and so long as I water that, every day at the 
 same hour, so long I shall be growing better 
 and better, and my poor dear mamma 
 boo-hoo ! boo-hoo ! " and the little thing began 
 to cry as if she would break her heart. 
 
 "Why, this is stranger than all," said the 
 father. " I can t help thinking the poor child 
 
Goody Gracious! 89 
 
 would be rational enough now, if she hadn t 
 read so many Fairy-books ; but what a mercy 
 it was, my dear Sarah, and how shall we 
 ever be thankful enough, that you happened 
 to be down there when she fell into the 
 water." 
 
 "Ah!" Ruth Page began to hold her 
 breath, and listen with the strangest feeling. 
 
 "Yes, Robert; but I declare to you I am 
 frightened whenever I think of the risk I 
 ran by letting her fall in, head first, as I did." 
 
 Poor Ruth began lifting her head by little 
 and little, and to feel about, and pinch her 
 self, to see if she was really awake, or only 
 dreaming. 
 
 " And then, too, just think of this terrible 
 fever, and the strange, wild poetry she has 
 been talking, day after day, about Fairy 
 land." 
 
 "Poetry! Fudge, Robert, fudge!" 
 
90 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 Ruth looked up, full of amazement and 
 joy, and whispered, " Fudge, father, fudge !" 
 and the very next words that fell from her 
 trembling lips as she sat looking at her 
 mother, and pointing at a little bunch of 
 forget-me-nots in full flower, that her mother 
 had kept for her in a glass by the window, 
 were these : "Oh, mother ! dearest mother ! 
 what a terrible dream I have had ! " 
 
 "Hush, my love, hush! and go to sleep, 
 and we will talk this matter over when you 
 are able to bear it." 
 
 " Goody gracious, mamma ! " 
 
 " There she goes again ! " cried the father ; 
 " now we shall have another fit ! " 
 
 "Hush, hush, my love! you must go to 
 sleep, now, and not talk any more." 
 
 "Well, kiss me, mamma, and let me have 
 your hand to go to sleep with, and I ll try." 
 
 Her mother kissed the dear little thing, 
 
Goody Gracious! 91 
 
 and took her hand in hers, and laid her 
 cheek upon the pillow, and, in less than five 
 minutes, she was sound asleep, and breathing 
 as she hadn t breathed before, since she had 
 been fished out of the water, nearly three 
 weeks back, on her way to Fairy-land. 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 OF 
 
 PICKINGS AND STEALINGS. 
 
 Children s notions of theology, i, 2, 13, 14, 22, 48, 70. 72, 
 
 132, 134, 166, 168, 178, 265, 283. 
 Children s notions of the Bible, 2, 39, 41, 148, 149, 163, 
 
 174, 228. 
 Children s notions of heaven, 4, 19, 88, 101, 119, 145, 215, 
 
 224, 230, 238, 239, 265, 284. 
 Lessons for teachers, 2, 4, 5, 31, 43, 47, 66. 
 Children s notions of praying, 6, n, 37, 42, 98, 118, 155, 
 
 161, 163, 166, 187, 254, 288. 
 Their notions of language, 7, 10, 15, 21, 120, 121, 153, 194, 
 
 251. 
 Their honesty, 2, 8, 12, 17, 78, 115, 119, 122, 125, 137, 195, 
 
 H3> 257, 271, 274. 
 Their ideas of another world, 25, 30, 38, 127, 144, 193, 242, 
 
 270. 
 Their instincts, 16, 18, 27, 28, 31, 44, 69, 76, 80, 90, 108, 118, 
 
 141, 144, 167, 181, 263. 
 Their philosophy, 2), 163, 165, 183, 203. 
 Their politics, 23, 214, 254. 
 Their Sunday-school exercises, 22, 26, 31, 43, 47, 66, 142, 
 
 156, 164, 165, 187, 195, 205, 241, 266, 277, 280, 282. 
 Their imitation, 28, 85, 105, 146, 176, 181, 192, 204, 212, 219, 
 
 222, 232, 240. 
 
 Their selfishness, 29, 40, 79, 87, 116, 150, 151, 243, 267. 
 
 Their quibbles, 33, 67, So, 231, 245, 286. 
 
 Their misapprehension of words, 2, 35, 112, 120, 121, 160, 
 
 223, 252, 264, 276, 282. 
 
 (93) 
 
94 Contents. 
 
 Their puzzling questions, 24, 72, 160, 178, 253, 268. 
 
 Their cunning, 33, 45, 46, 51, 73, 79, 82, 92, 106, 224, 228, 
 
 130, 134, 139, 158, 163, 169, 172, 202, 206, 259, 260, 273, 
 
 279, 286. 
 
 Their unselfishness, 49, 50. 
 Their foresight, 52, 90, 102, 188, 208. 
 Their self-complacency, 54, 71, 77. 
 Their metaphysics, I, 72. 74. 96, 162, 170, 261. 
 Their explanations, 84, 95, 123, 130, 156, 183, 196, 246, 262, 
 
 282. 
 
 Their adroitness, 85, 89, 99, 103, 105, 122, 124, 125, 147, 152. 
 Their speculations, 90, 100, 109, 140, 180, 210, 275. 
 Their business qualities, 91. 
 Their naturalness, 93, no, 114, 180, iSr, 189, 201, 218, 220, 
 
 263, 272, 274, 291. 
 Their faith, 98, 177, 287. 
 Their influence, 115, 285 
 
 Their misapplication of words, I, 48. 148, 162, 225. 
 Retribution, 128. 
 Example. 129, 267, 268. 
 A great mystery, 133, 217. 
 An etymologist, 136. 
 
 Their literalness, 184, 229, 235, 256. 268, 269, 277, 278, 279. 
 Their definitions, 156, 184, 257, 261, 262. 
 Their protestantism, 189, 190. 
 Their smartness, 197. See Cunning, 201, 240, 250, 264, 
 
 269, 289. 
 
 Their constructiveness, 198. 
 Yankee notions, I, 199. 
 Their pluckiness, 216, 237, 247, 255. 
 Total depravity, 227. 
 Where mother is, 230, 287. 
 Their poetry, 230, 234, 270. 
 Liberty of Speech, 259, 260. 
 
PICKINGS AND STEALINGS. 
 
 npROUBLESOME comforts are they at 
 -*- best, these Little Plagues ; and yet, how 
 on earth should we get along without them? 
 Mysterious and wonderful in their perturba 
 tions and irregularities, they are continually 
 amazing the wisest by their questionings, and 
 startling whole neighborhoods with their 
 strange outbreaks of inner life, as you may 
 see by what follows. For a long while 
 many years, indeed I have been in the 
 habit of minuting down the stories that have 
 come in my way about the little folks 
 the seedling cherubim out of which, as the 
 stars are smelted, the angels of God, who 
 see His face forever, are to be recast and 
 (95) 
 
96 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 refashioned for the skies. Grains of gold 
 are they, often gathered from street sweep 
 ings and rubbish ; diamond-sparks which 
 the great multitude, in their headlong hurry, 
 overlook, but infinitely precious to the Phil 
 anthropist and the Philosopher. For ex 
 ample : 
 
 No. i. And this I had from the late John 
 Pierpont, who related it of a grandchild, 
 yet living, I hope. 
 
 "Aunt May-ee," said the little thing to 
 her aunt, who was combing her hair, "I 
 don t like Dod." 
 
 "Don t like God, Sissy! when He s so 
 good to you, and gives you Aunt Mary and 
 grandpa, and grandma, and ever so many 
 friends to take care of you, why, Sissy?" 
 
 " Well, but " growing thoughtful and try 
 ing to escape "well, but Sissy don t like 
 black Dod." 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 97 
 
 w There isn t any black God, Sissy." 
 
 " Then ivho made Chloef " 
 
 Did not that child reason? 
 
 No. 2. " Top, mother!" said a little boy 
 to his mother, who was reading to him about 
 Abraham and Isaac, and had just come to 
 the uplifted knife; " top, mother! I don t 
 want to hea any more. / despise him" Did 
 not that child feel? and is it conceivable 
 that he meant what he said? Feeling his 
 gorge rise, with abhorrence, it may be, and not 
 understanding the awful significance of the 
 threatened sacrifice, a type of what after 
 wards happened on Mount Moriah, where 
 the Temple stands, he took that word which, 
 in his little childish experience, best corres 
 ponded with his thought of horror and 
 amazement that a father should put his 
 child to death. 
 
 No. 3. And this reminds me of a little 
 7 
 
98 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 girl, who had never learned to read, but 
 used to take her Bible and sit down by 
 herself in the corner, as all children do at 
 times, and make believe read. One day, 
 when the mother was very busy, the child 
 wanted to hear about Noah and the Ark. 
 The mother had read over certain passages 
 aloud so often, that the child had got them 
 by heart. She opened at the place, and 
 gave her little one the book in her lap. 
 After awhile, the child began to murmur to 
 herself the mother listened and the little 
 thing read as follows, with the greatest pos 
 sible seriousness and unction : " And the 
 Lord said unto Noah, Come out, thou and 
 thy wife, and thy sons wives and thy daugh 
 ters, and balanccz!" 
 
 The dear little puss had just begun to 
 go to the dancing-school. What wonder 
 that she didn t always know her head from 
 her heels? 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 99 
 
 No. 4. Another little girl, who had been 
 favored with glimpses of the upper sky, 
 having been told by her mother that she 
 was always surrounded by guardian angels, 
 grew very thoughtful, and, after drawing a 
 long breath, looked up and said, " Mamma, 
 do you mean really that all the -whole time 
 they are with me ? " On receiving a solemn 
 assurance in the affirmative, she exclaimed 
 with an impatient fling, "Well, really, I 
 should like to be alone a little while, some 
 times." 
 
 What a lesson for the mother ! If children 
 are allowed to dabble with mysteries like 
 these, without explanation, they cannot be 
 otherwise than shocking sometimes, like a 
 Leyden jar ; and if they are, whose fault is 
 it? Either more or less ought to have been 
 told that dear little, honest baby. 
 
 No. 5. But children have wonderful fore- 
 
ioo Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 sight, and often reach conclusions by a sort 
 of intuitive logic, as women do flashing 
 the truth upon us without preparation, and 
 forecasting the future, as if suddenly gifted 
 with second sight. A little boy, having been 
 told by his parents that he couldn t go to 
 church because he was too small, answered 
 with a toss of the head, "Well, you d better 
 take me now, for when I get bigger, I may 
 not want to go ! " To which I say, Bravo ! 
 my little man ! Such a reply ought to throw 
 the doors of any church wide open to you, 
 as to a glorified spirit in embryo. 
 
 No. 6. A little girl knelt down by her 
 mother s knee to say her prayers, before going 
 to bed. After finishing the Lord s Prayer, 
 she went on to offer up her little petitions 
 for every separate member of the family, arid 
 at last came to the youngest, who, having 
 been rather naughty that day, was out of 
 
Pickings and Stealing;*- ^iOi : 
 
 favor : " And please God make Lucy a good 
 little girl, and make " here she was sud 
 denly interrupted by Lucy, who burst out 
 with " Here you ! stop that ! I ll do my 
 own praying myself, I thank you ! " 
 
 Who would not sympathize with such a 
 child, under such circumstances, even though 
 both were at an infant prayer-meeting? And 
 who is there who would not shrink from 
 being prayed for to his face anywhere, after 
 such a fashion ? 
 
 No. 7. Their notions of language, too, 
 are sometimes of the drollest, as where the 
 poor boy used that unfortunate word despise, 
 when he meant only to express horror and 
 astonishment. " How did you fall back 
 ward?" said a mother to a child who was 
 just coming to herself and gasping for breath, 
 after a heavy fall. " Back-ward , mamma! 
 no indeed I fell accidentally 
 
IO2, Great Masteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 8. A dear little boy, anything but 
 pious, though happy and cheerful, and about 
 as good as most boys of his age, had been 
 listening patiently for a long while to his 
 mother s account of heaven likening it to 
 a great everlasting Sabbath-school. At last 
 he looked up, with a troubled countenance, 
 and said in a whisper, "But mamma, don t 
 you think God would let me have a little 
 devil come up and play with me sometimes, 
 when I have been very good ? " 
 
 No. 9. Another little fellow, on his way 
 home from his church with his mother, 
 seemed astonished at the crowds he saw. 
 After walking awhile without speaking, he 
 came out with, "Why mamma, I should think 
 God would be tired making so many people." 
 Here was an embryo theologian for you ! 
 And yet he had probably never heard of 
 the Scripture, where it is said that God re- 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 103 
 
 pented of His making man. Nor was he 
 quite prepared to understand why such crowds 
 were ever made, nor what they were good 
 for, seeing how they behaved, and how they 
 were employed, and how they dressed, and 
 how they chattered. If Babels were scat* 
 tered of yore, why not now if they try to 
 scale the heavens by a forbidden path, or to 
 carry their bulwarks by assault, as most of 
 the nations do? 
 
 No. 10. A little girl who had learned 
 her letters and all her lessons by the help 
 of a pictured primer, but had never learned 
 to put them together, opened her book one 
 day at the picture of a quail, with its name 
 underneath, in large letters. After studying 
 a long while, she seemed to catch the idea, 
 and called it a -pigeon a word she could 
 not pronounce, though she knew the bird well 
 enough, and out she came with "Q^U. A. I. L. 
 
 9 
 
104 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 fidget " with such an air of triumph and 
 self-complacency, it was never forgotten. 
 
 No. 11. Children s prayers if they are 
 indeed prayers must be acceptable on earth 
 as well as in heaven ; and he must indeed be 
 heartless, or worse, who would think slight 
 ingly of them, although, sooth to say, they 
 are sometimes hard to bear. For example : 
 a little girl, on having her hair smartly pulled 
 by her little brother, while saying her prayers, 
 went on for awhile, without turning her head, 
 in the same low monotone, "and please God, 
 excuse me for a minute, while I kick Neddy." 
 Tell me that child was without understanding 
 what is meant by prayer ! or that she meant 
 to abuse the privilege. No such thing 
 though, to be sure, she may have misunder 
 stood some of its functions. Had she not 
 been a believer, she would have kicked 
 Neddy at once, without asking leave would 
 she not ? 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 105 
 
 No. 12. But children must not be allowed 
 to counterfeit or pretend. Encourage them 
 to be honest, even in prayer honest even 
 at church. A fine, hearty little fellow, who 
 had been treated with his first circus on 
 Saturday, and to his first church-service the 
 next Sabbath-morning, sat quietly enough, 
 as everybody acknowledged, for the first 
 half hour : and then he began to grow un 
 easy, and fidget in his seat, until he was 
 admonished by his mother more than once. 
 Worn to death at last, he groaned out loud 
 enough to be heard in the neighboring pews, 
 w O dear ! I d rather go to two circuses than 
 one meeting ! " Of course he told the truth ; 
 and of course he ought to have been patted 
 on the back, and encouraged for his down 
 right honesty. 
 
 No. 13. Quart pots don t hold a gallon 
 though pint bottles are sometimes said to hold 
 
io6 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 a quart in certain establishments ; and we 
 must be wary of packing and crowding these 
 earthen vessels, before they are hooped and 
 strengthened. A small boy, not otherwise re 
 markable, though mischievous, adroit and 
 playful, had been talked to, till he was out 
 of all patience with a clergyman, about the 
 omnipresence of God. It was pretty clear, 
 from what followed, that he had begun to be 
 somewhat sceptical, and he determined to lay 
 a trap for his teacher. One day, when they 
 were riding together, the following conver 
 sation was had : 
 
 " Didn t you tell me, sir," said our young 
 master, " that God is everywhere ? " 
 
 "Yes, my child." 
 
 " Is he in this carriage ? " 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "Is he in my hat?" 
 
 Yes yes." 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 107 
 
 " Is he in my pocket ? " 
 
 "Yes, child" rather impatiently. 
 
 " Hurrah ! now I ve got you ! I ain t got 
 no pocket ! " was the clincher. 
 
 What a lesson for that clergyman ! If, as 
 Goethe says, Hamlet was an oak planted in 
 a china vase, intended for a rose-tree, so that 
 when the plant grew, the pot was shattered, 
 what was likely to happen to that child, if 
 the omnipresence of God had been suffered to 
 take root in his young, unprepared heart? 
 
 No. 14. Another child, afflicted with sim 
 ilar misgivings, took a different course to 
 satisfy his inward longings. After propound 
 ing every conceivable question at the break 
 fast-table one day, he clenched the whole 
 with, "Is God in this sugar-bowl?" "Cer 
 tainly," said his mother. Whereupon, with 
 a whoop, he clapped his hand on the bowl, 
 and shouted, "Ah, ha! now I ve got } 7 ou, 
 old fellow ! " 
 
io8 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 So much for misunderstanding the most 
 obvious truth, namely, that, although men 
 are but children of a larger growth, children 
 are not often philosophers, theologians, or 
 giants Mozart to the contrary notwithstand 
 ing ; and that, in training them for another 
 world, they are to be uplifted, not overborne, 
 with mystery. 
 
 No. 15. Another little chap of three years 
 only, met his father on his return from a 
 long journey, exclaiming, " O papa, I ve got 
 a tory of interet to tell you. Dis mornin* 
 mamma was writin in the parlor, an a gate, 
 big, yeller fly corned in at the open window, 
 an it kep say in sizzum, sizzum, sizzum^ 
 three times, an it bced my hand with its 
 foot, and its foot was hot ! " 
 
 Had not this child pretty decided notions 
 of what is meant by the song of a "bumble 
 bee," and the sting? Let him alone for that. 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 109 
 
 No. 1 6. The same boy, having thrown 
 something valuable into the fire, was taken 
 to task by his father, who, after remonstrating 
 with him awhile on the enormity of his trans 
 gression, wound up with, "Why, my dear 
 child, if you go on in this way, just think 
 what a dreadful boy you will be, when you 
 grow up ! " At this, the little fellow s face 
 brightened all over, and he exclaimed, " Why 
 papa ! I shall be yest like ee yobber kitten, 
 sant I ? " alluding to the autobiography of 
 a very disreputable fast kitten, who, or rather 
 which , had taken to the highway at an early 
 age, and is therefore a special favorite with 
 children of all ages like most of Mayne 
 Reid s heroes, or Jonathan Wild, or Jack 
 Sheppard. 
 
 No. 17. And this reminds me of a similar 
 case, where well-meant instruction was pain 
 fully misunderstood by a promising little fel- 
 
no Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 low, who was very fond of Bible-stories 
 with illustrations. His mother was showing 
 him a picture of Daniel in the lion s den, 
 with the old lions ramping and tearing their 
 prey to tatters, and a young lion a cub 
 looking on. Just when she had begun to 
 congratulate herself on the success of her 
 teaching, the child cried out, " O mamma ! 
 look ! look ! the little one won t get any ! " 
 
 N. B. Beware of cramming and overload 
 ing. Beware also of expecting too much in 
 this world. But, above, all, beware of mis 
 understanding yourself in your children ! 
 
 No. 18. Yet more. A little girl having 
 been brought up on the song " I want to be 
 an angel ! " had evidently been pondering 
 the manners, habits, occupations and usages 
 of that fraternity, until at length she came 
 out decidedly with, "No mamma I don t 
 want to be an angel ! " 
 
Pickings and Stealings. in 
 
 " Not want to be an angel ! Why, Susie ! " 
 exclaimed the mother, greatly shocked at the 
 child s hopeless condition ; " and why not, 
 pray?" 
 
 " Cause, mamma, I don t want to lose all 
 my pretty close, an wear fedders, like a 
 hen ! " 
 
 There s truthfulness for you worth its 
 weight in gold a string of " Orient pearls 
 at random strung." 
 
 No. 19. Another little fairy, having been 
 carefully trained to a proper estimate of the 
 becoming in attire, was taken into a room 
 to see her dead grandmother in her coffin. 
 She looked very grave at first, and then sor 
 rowful, and after a minute or two said, in a 
 low, sweet, trembling voice, with her little 
 hand stealing slowly into her mother s hand, 
 " Has grandmamma gone to heaven in that 
 ugly cap, mamma?" 
 
H2 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 20. . Little mischiefs, at the best, I 
 have said are they not? Just read the fol 
 lowing, and say no, if you dare ! A young 
 ster in Peoria, Illinois, while ransacking his 
 sister s portfolio, came across a package of 
 love-letters carefully tied up with a blue rib 
 bon, and stowed snugly away ; being her 
 correspondence with a charming fellow, not, 
 perhaps, to the liking of papa and mamma. 
 These he took to the corner of a crowded 
 thoroughfare, and, as he had seen the post 
 man do, distributed them to the passers-by. 
 His poor sister heard of the achievement after 
 they were in general circulation ; and then I 
 ask our friend Carlyle, after shooting Ni 
 agara ; or Wendell Phillips after Grant. 
 See No. 53. 
 
 No. 21. I have just met with this: "A 
 little lady of thirty months only, insists on 
 calling a cane with a crooked handle, An 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 113 
 
 umbrella without any clothes on." 3 There s a 
 philologist for you ! And one, too, capable 
 of giving a reason for what she says. 
 
 No. 22. A little boy in Scotland was 
 asked by his Sabbath-school teacher what 
 was meant by regeneration. (f Being born 
 again," he replied. "And would you not like 
 to be born again, my little man ? " said the 
 teacher. "No!" answered the boy, with de 
 cided emphasis, greatly to the surprise of the 
 good dominie. "And why not?" continued 
 the latter. " For fear I might be born a las 
 sie," said the boy. Was there ever a better 
 reason, with the poor boy s understanding of 
 the great mystery? So much for dabbling 
 with metaphysics before the unprepared. 
 
 No. 23. And sometimes they have to do 
 
 with politics and other worldly matters, the 
 
 social evil, perhaps, or woman s-rights, or 
 
 universal suffrage. And why not? being what 
 
 S 
 
114 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 they are, miniature men and women, with the 
 rights of both. 
 
 "Be you a Democat or a Republican? " said 
 one of these President-makers in embryo, to 
 another little Fellow in a frilled apron. " No, 
 I m not either," was the indignant reply ; " I 
 belong to the Congregational Church." Of 
 course he did ; having been baptized into that 
 denomination, when just old enough to be 
 deeply impressed with the ceremony. 
 
 No. 24. A little girl of six years at the 
 most, after her nurse had enlarged upon the 
 character and attributes of the Old Evil One, 
 till her blood ran cold, broke out with, 
 "Auntie, if the devil is so wicked, why don t 
 God kill him?" A question, by the way, 
 which has " puzzled philosophers of all sects 
 and ages," like the "cosmogony of the world," 
 according to Oliver Goldsmith, and his de 
 lightful friend, Ephraim Jenkinson. 
 
Pickings and Stealings . 115 
 
 No. 25. Little Maud, five years old, was 
 sitting on the floor, and trying to stitch like 
 her mother. Suddenly looking up, after a 
 long silence, she said, like one familiar with 
 the gossip of the tea-table and the quilting- 
 frame, " Mamma, I was thinking God must be 
 getting quite along in years ! " Of course, the 
 poor little thing had never been so far indoc 
 trinated, as to understand that, with God, a 
 thousand years are as one day, or a watch in 
 the night, and one day as a thousand years, 
 with no past, and no future, but one everlast 
 ing present. 
 
 No. 26. Another little woman, being asked 
 by her Sunday-school teacher, " What did the 
 Israelites do after passing through the Red 
 Sea?" answered, "I don t know, ma am, but I 
 guess they dried themselves." And why not, 
 pray? What would be more likely? 
 
 No. 27. And here we have one exceed- 
 
n6 Great Mysteries, and Little Plagues. 
 
 ingly jealous for the Lord. A little boy, who, 
 whenever he went out to play, was plagued 
 and pestered by a little girl somewhat older 
 who squinted awfully, and was, it must be 
 acknowledged, absolutely frightful on being 
 asked why he was always so ugly to Susie 
 Bates, since God made Susie Bates as well as 
 him, exclaimed, " O, Nurse Thompson, ain t 
 you ashamed to talk in that way about the 
 good Lord?" 
 
 Will you tell me that child did not reason? 
 or that, as a child, he was irreverent, because 
 he would not charge God foolishly, nor hold 
 the Great Workman answerable for such 
 workmanship ? 
 
 No. 28. And this brings to mind the fol 
 lowing incident : Some years ago my own 
 little boy went, with his brother Robert, on a 
 trip to the Islands. After awhile, he was 
 caught making the most horrible faces at 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 117 
 
 another little boy, somewhat older, who sat in 
 the stern of the boat a long way off, but front 
 ing them. Brother Robert interfered, and 
 asked what possessed my little fellow a good- 
 natured, pleasant boy, as ever lived. " Why, 
 don t you see ? He s making faces at me all 
 the time," said Pepper-pot. Upon further in 
 quiry, it turned out that the strange boy was 
 epileptic, or troubled with St. Vitus dance, and 
 all the faces he had been making were invol 
 untary. Of course, it never entered the head 
 of our little one that the faces he saw were 
 God s work, or he would have lowered his 
 voice to a whisper, as he always did in the 
 Sabbath-school, when he asked about God. 
 
 No. 29. That children are curious, and 
 inquisitive, and rather troublesome at times, 
 we all know. But, if it were otherwise, how 
 would they ever learn their a b abs in this 
 world? In a Western village, a charming lit- 
 
n8 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 tie widow had been made love to by a physi 
 cian. "The wedding-day appointed was the 
 wedding-clothes provided." But among her 
 children was a poor crippled boy, who had 
 been allowed full swing ever since the death 
 of his father. " Georgie," said the mother, 
 calling him to her, "Georgie, I am going to 
 do something pretty soon that I should like to 
 have a little talk with you about." "Well, ma, 
 what is it? " "I am going to marry Dr. Jones 
 
 in a few days, and I hope " "Bully for 
 
 you, ma ! Does Dr. Jones know it f " Who 
 that wears a cap would not sympathize with 
 that poor widow? 
 
 No. 30. But children are soothsayers and 
 prophets ; and they have open visions, it may 
 be, if we would but listen to their low breath 
 ing. "Father," said a little Swedish girl, one 
 still, starry night, after a long silence, " father, 
 I have been thinking if the wrong side of 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 119 
 
 heaven is so beautiful, what must the right 
 side be?" Was not this a revelation? and 
 such a revelation, too, that even her father 
 must have been astonished? Was it not as if 
 her whole character had been revealed to him, 
 on her way upward, as by a flash from the 
 empyrean ? 
 
 No. 31. But we must be patient with all 
 anxious inquirers. In a small Western vil 
 lage, there was a store kept by a nice young 
 woman, who was a teacher in the Sabbath- 
 school, and deeply interested in all that con 
 cerned that institution. 
 
 "Do you go to the Sabbath-school? " said 
 she, one day, to a dirty little chap, who came 
 blundering through the establishment, as if he 
 had taken it for the play-ground. 
 
 " Sabbath-school ! what s that? " said he. 
 
 "Don t you know? Why, a Sabbath-school 
 is where we read in the Bible, and learn all 
 
I2O Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 about God, and our blessed Saviour, and 
 the " 
 
 "O," said he, "I ve read about God, and 
 father feller that killed his brother , in the 
 School Reader. Tain t no use my goin to 
 school Sunday ; I know all about em." 
 Whereupon the young lady teacher " dried up " 
 wilted, perhaps and set her trap for 
 another young reprobate. 
 
 No. 32. "A little three-year-old," says a 
 neighbor, "was in the habit of helping him 
 self to crackers without leave, by lifting the 
 lid of a tin box, and plunging his little arm in 
 up to the elbow. One day, after listening to 
 stories about rats, he went after a cracker, and 
 hearing a noise that he fancied was made by 
 rats, he scampered back to the sitting-room, 
 with big eyes and a flushed face, and assured 
 his mother that he wasn t afraid. O, muzzer ! 
 said he, I ain t afaid o iuats, but Fse so tired 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 121 
 
 I couldn t lift the cover! " How many grown 
 people have you heard guilty of a similar sub 
 terfuge. Not afraid, to be sure not they 
 but only somewhat hurried, or having just 
 remembered an engagement, as they were 
 about lifting the lid of something dangerous. 
 
 No. 33. And here is a case of downright 
 special pleading, worthy of Lord Coke him 
 self, or Saunders, or Theophilus Parsons, or 
 Chitty, or Judge Gould. "Oh, Tommy, that 
 was abominable in you, to eat your little sis 
 ter s share of the cake !" "Didn t you tell me, 
 ma, that I was always to take her -part?" 
 said Tommy. 
 
 No. 34. " George," said a minister to one 
 of the little boys, who looked as if butter 
 wouldn t melt in his mouth, " where is your 
 sister Minnie ? " " Gone to heaven, sir." 
 "What! is she dead?" " O, no, sir; she 
 went to buy a box of matches. "Why, you 
 
122 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 said she had gone to heaven." "Yes, sir but 
 you said last Sunday that matches were made 
 in heaven, and so I thought she went there." 
 
 N. B. I don t believe a word of this ; but 
 if true, all I have to say is, that, like the 
 princes in the tower, it is well that such 
 children are not often allowed to grow up. 
 " Whom the gods love die young," said the 
 ancients ; but I say, Whom the gods love die 
 of old age unless they have been snuffed 
 out for their untimely brilliancy. 
 
 No. 35. "Father, I don t like the bishop." 
 " Why, dear? " " Because he sprinkled water 
 all over my new frock, and said Fanny, I 
 despise theel " 
 
 No. 36. A little girl of seven years, who 
 had been brought up to go to meeting, and 
 knew nothing about a church, high or low, 
 was taken by a friend to the Episcopal church 
 on communion day. Returning home, she 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 123 
 
 was asked by her father how she liked the 
 service. "Well, papa," she answered, "I 
 must say that I don t like to go to a place 
 where the minister has to change his shirt 
 three times in meeting" Ritualistic, High- 
 Church ceremonies, the young lady was not 
 quite prepared for. 
 
 No. 37. A certain little Sissy, being wor 
 ried by a big brother till she was out of all 
 patience, plumped down upon her knees, 
 where she stood, and cried out, " O Lord ! 
 bless my brother Tom. He lies he steals 
 he swears ; all boys do we girls don t. 
 Amen ! " Was the poor thing a little pharisee 
 in her indignation, without knowing it? or 
 was she only like most of us who are loud 
 est in our outcries for the salvation of others 
 a little overburdened with self-righteousness ? 
 
 No. 38. Small boy on tip-toe to his play 
 fellows. "Now you hush there, all of you." 
 
124 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 w Why, what s the matter, Bobby? " "Well 
 we ve got a new baby. It s very weak and 
 tired, and walked all the way from heaven last 
 night ; and you mustn t be kicking up a row 
 here now." 
 
 No. 39. Little Tommy. "I say, ma, is 
 it true that we are made out of the dust?" 
 
 Ma. "Yes, Tommy; so we are told." 
 
 Tommy. " I ll be hanged if I can believe 
 it ; cause you see, if we was, when we sweat, 
 wouldn t we be muddy ? " 
 
 That boy was a Transcendentalist, and no 
 mistake. 
 
 No. 40. Natural affection betraying it 
 self. A man of influence and character was 
 dying slowly of consumption. Being satis 
 fied that his days were numbered his very 
 breathings counted he used to call his little 
 son to the bed-side, the pet of the household, 
 and say to him, whenever he wanted any little 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 125 
 
 thing done, that by and by, after he was dead 
 and buried, the horse and carriage, and money 
 box, would all be little Sammy s. At last the 
 father died, and the little fellow, then about 
 five years of age, with his grandfather and 
 mother, were about leaving the graveyard, 
 snatched the reins from his grandfather, and 
 sung out, " Get uf, old hoss! Touts mine 
 now, carriage, money-box and all! " Had he 
 been a few years older, he would have kept 
 the secret to himself, and peradventure looked 
 sorrowful over the untimely inheritance. 
 
 No. 41. Little Frank had been told to 
 believe that we are all made of dust. One 
 day, as he stood watching at the window, 
 while a strong wind was whirling the dust into 
 eddies, and hurrying it away into holes and 
 corners, and there piling it up with the dried 
 leaves, his mother asked him what he was 
 thinking of. " O," said he, with uncommon 
 
126 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 seriousness for so young a philosopher, " I 
 thought the dust looked as though there was 
 going to be another little boy." 
 
 No. 42. A very little chap, who would no 
 more have thought of going to bed without 
 saying his prayers, than of going to bed with 
 out his supper, while the goodies were in sight, 
 had just bidden everybody good-night, with a 
 warm, loving kiss. That very day his mother 
 had been teaching him the lines, " You d 
 scarce expect one of my age," and so he 
 began his little prayer in the following fashion : 
 "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the 
 Lord my soul to keep ; if I should chance to 
 fall below Demosthenes or Cicero, don t view 
 me with a cricket s eye, but " 
 
 "Hush, hush ! " said his mother; "O hush, 
 my boy ! that s no part of the prayer." 
 
 "Yes it is too, mamma don t view me 
 with a cricket s eye," etc., etc. 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 127 
 
 Didn t that mother laugh a little to herself, 
 think you? I ll bet she did. 
 
 No. 43. A teacher in one of our Sabbath- 
 schools, who had quite a reputation for accom 
 modating his lesson to the understanding of 
 children, said to a little bit of a thing, one 
 day, with whom she had been laboring for a 
 long while, "If a naughty girl should strike 
 you, my dear, you would forgive her, wouldn t 
 you?" "Yeth, marm if I couldn t catch 
 her," was the reply only to be matched by 
 the dying Highlander, who called out to a 
 neighboring chief, whom he had just been 
 reconciled to, "But mark ye, lairdee mind 
 now if I get abroad agen, all this goes for 
 naethin ." 
 
 No. 44. Another little chap, just verging 
 upon three, but of a thoughtful, prying dis 
 position far beyond his years, sat watching 
 his mother while she was making biscuit for 
 
128 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 tea though her husband was an Orthodox 
 clergyman of Pittsfield, Mass. and asked 
 her if it was not wicked to work on Sunday. 
 "Certainly," said she. "O my!" said he, 
 clapping his little hands, " won t oo catch it, 
 when oo gets to heaven ! " 
 
 No. 45. And then, too, how knowing the 
 little wretches are sometimes. A young gen 
 tleman of about five summers was travelling 
 in a crowded stage-coach, and had been 
 taken into the lap of a passenger. On the 
 way, some stories were told about pickpockets 
 and their adroitness, and the conversation at 
 last became general. "Ah, my fine fellow," 
 said the gentleman who had the little one 
 upon his knee, "how easy I could pick your 
 pocket" as it lay gaping near his hand. "No 
 you couldn t, neither," said the boy, " cause 
 I ve been looking out for you all the way." 
 
 No. 46. And how wise beyond their 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 129 
 
 years, and how full of resource in danger, 
 sometimes. As three children, Peter Mit 
 chell, Louis Leach, and Ann I. Lindsay, 
 aged eight, five and four I give their names, 
 that they be remembered, and the facts 
 verified were playing about the premises 
 of Mr. Horace Balcomb, in the town of 
 Sudbury, Mass., Leach tumbled into a hogs 
 head of rain-water set in the earth, five feet 
 deep. As soon as he fell in, the boy Mitchell 
 ran away to find his mother, who lived a 
 long way off; but the little girl only four, 
 you will remember managed to get hold 
 of the drowning boy by the shoulders, and 
 keep his head above the water, till the 
 neighbors came to her help, and pulled him 
 out in safety. 
 
 No. 47. In a Boston Sunday-school 
 where, of course, impertinent, puzzling ques 
 tions are never allowed the teacher asked, 
 9 
 
130 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 "Where was Jesus taken , when he was ar 
 rested in the garden?" A bright little thing 
 answered immediately, "To the station-house." 
 Whereupon the teacher observed that there 
 were no station-houses at that time ; and the 
 poor child instantly corrected herself by say 
 ing, " I meant the State s Prison." Teachers, 
 beware ! 
 
 No. 48. A naughty little boy, being told 
 by his mother that God would not forgive 
 him, if he did something, answered, "Yes 
 He would too God likes to forgive little 
 boys that s what He s for." Of course that 
 boy was a Universalist from the shell, and 
 had about as clear a notion of what God was 
 for, as many a profound theologian, or meta 
 physician. 
 
 No. 49. But we have Grace Darlings, * 
 Florence Nightingales, and many other self- 
 denying, self-sacrificing heroines in minia- 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 131 
 
 ture. We have only to look about us, and 
 have our ears open, and see, and hear, and 
 remember for ourselves, that female wonders 
 are of all ages and every age, and that God 
 never measures them by feet or inches, nor 
 counts their years, nor weighs them in any 
 other than the scales with which He weighed 
 the earth itself, at the beginning. 
 
 A long train of cars, fourteen or fifteen 
 at least, were hurrying through the Allegha- 
 nies. They were crowded with passengers. 
 As they went headlong down the inclined 
 plane, they came to a short, narrow curve, 
 hewed through the living rock, with a high, 
 steep wall on each side. Suddenly a steam- 
 whistle was heard through the gorge, scream 
 ing, Put on the brakes ! put on the brakes ! 
 Every window flew up, and scores of heads 
 were thrust out, and all the passengers sprang 
 to their feet, while the cars went thundering 
 
132 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 on, with a continually increasing speed. As 
 the engine approached the curve, the engineer 
 had caught a glimpse of a little girl playing 
 on the track with her baby-brother. One 
 moment ! and the cars would be tearing over 
 them. The scream of the whistle startled 
 the little girl, and her marvellous readiness 
 and self-possession, like a flash. Seizing her 
 baby-brother, she crowded him into a crevice 
 made by blasting, and just about large enough 
 to admit the little fellow ; and the next mo 
 ment, while the passengers were holding their 
 breath, and expecting to see the poor girl 
 crushed against the steep wall, they heard a 
 clear, sweet, childish voice, like one crying 
 in the wilderness, " Cling close to the rock, 
 Johnny ! cling close to the rock ! " and saw 
 the baby cuddling up close to the rough wall, 
 as to the bosom of its mother, while the pon 
 derous cars whirled past him like a tornado. 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 133 
 
 Careless for herself, or at the worst, not think 
 ing at all of herself, the poor little bare 
 footed sister stood for a moment like her 
 brother s guardian-angel, between the living 
 and the dead. 
 
 No. 50. But just read the following, which 
 is undoubtedly true true in every particular. 
 Three children belonging to New Brunswick 
 got lost in the woods. It was a dreary, wild 
 region ; a dark storm was brewing ; it was 
 near nightfall. The eldest, only six, having 
 satisfied herself that there was no hope 
 of their being found, nor of their finding 
 their way out before the next day, put the 
 little ones into a sheltered nook, stripped off 
 most of her own clothes to wrap them in, and 
 went away in search of dry sea-weed and 
 brush, to cover them with. The next day 
 the little ones were found all warm and 
 breathing, with the sea-grass and brush 
 
134 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 heaped up about them, and the dear little 
 six-year-old mother lying dead and stiff on 
 the shore, alongside of the last pile of brush 
 she had gathered, but wanted the strength 
 to carry off. 
 
 No. 51. Three little girls were playing 
 among the poppies and sage-brush of the 
 back-yard. Two of them were making be 
 lieve keep house, a little way apart, as near 
 neighbors might. At last one of them was 
 overheard saying to the youngest of the lot, 
 " There now, Nellie, you go over to Sarah s 
 house and stop there a little while, and talk 
 as fast as ever you can, and then you come 
 back and tell me what she says about me, 
 and then I ll talk about her; and then you 
 go and tell her all I say, and then we ll get 
 mad as hornets, and won t speak when we 
 meet, just as our mothers do, you know ; 
 and that ll be such fun won t it?" Hadn t 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 135 
 
 these little mischiefs lived to some purpose? 
 and were they not close observers, and apt 
 scholars, charmingly trained for the chief 
 business of life in a small neighborhood? 
 
 No. 52. A young hopeful of our acquaint 
 ance, under five years of age, has been for 
 a long time debating with himself whether 
 he would be a circus-rider or a brigadier- 
 general. After weighing all the -pros and 
 cons, he has decided for the circus. What a 
 pity some of our brigadiers had not gone 
 through a similar process in the late war 
 and arrived at the same conclusion ! We 
 should have been spared many a blundering 
 mishap. 
 
 No. 53. A three-year-old baby in George 
 town, D.C., having watched the operations of 
 newsboys and letter-carriers while distributing 
 circulars, newspapers, etc., took from his 
 father s desk a large pile of business letters, 
 
136 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 and began the process of distribution with 
 astonishing success; but, after all, brought 
 no blushes to anybody s cheek, so far as we 
 have reason to believe, notwithstanding the 
 example set him by the little boy with his 
 sister s love-letters, already mentioned. See 
 No. 20. 
 
 Well do I remember a little chubby fellow 
 strutting through the country kitchen of his 
 father, when I myself was but a broth of 
 a boy, with a heap of folded papers stick 
 ing out of his trousers pocket. "These be 
 all writs, by George ! " said he, slapping his 
 thigh as he went along. Upon further in 
 quiry, we found that he was imitating a new 
 deputy-sheriff, who used to come a-courting 
 there Sabba -days. 
 
 No. 54. A young gentleman of only six 
 at the outside, was cruelly beset by a baby 
 of eighteen months, with decided manifesta- 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 137 
 
 tions of fondness. "Don t you see, Johnny, 
 that the baby wants to kiss you?" said his 
 mother. " Yes m at s cause he tates 
 me for his papa," was the explanation of 
 Lilliput. My own little fellow used to com 
 plain that the servant-girls were always under 
 his feet, when he invaded the kitchen. 
 
 No. 55. While crossing a steam-ferry, a 
 little three-year-old exclaimed, as he saw a 
 sail-boat, " O, mamma ! there s a boat with 
 a bonnet on" a poke-bonnet, of course. 
 
 No. 56. And sometimes the best of us 
 get more than we have bargained for, while 
 trying to enlighten these will-o -the-wisps. 
 A preacher, who was talking to the boys in 
 a pleasant, familiar way at the New-Hamp 
 shire State Reform-School, about good people 
 being respected while the naughty were de 
 spised and shunned, ventured on an illustration 
 suited to their capacities. " Now, boys, when 
 
138 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 I walk through the streets, and I speak to 
 some people, and not to others, what is the 
 reason ? " " Cause some are rich and some 
 are poor," yelped a little fellow in the corner ; 
 who, it may be, never heard of the Apostle 
 James, nor of what he says in Chapter II. 
 about the rich man coming into your assembly 
 with a gold ring, in goodly apparel, and also 
 a poor man in vile raiment, and you say to 
 the first, " Sit thou here in a good place ; 
 and to the poor, Stand thou there, or sit 
 under my footstool ; " yet was he learned in 
 the Scripture nevertheless, and that without 
 knowing it, God Almighty being his teacher. 
 No. 57. Can this be true? If yea, that 
 child must have died young. It is from the 
 Lawrence Eagle. "In a gentleman s family 
 in this city," says the editor, "there is a little 
 boy somewhat remarkable for smartness, and 
 for his understanding of pure English unde- 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 139 
 
 filed. He is only four. Not many days 
 since, he was at the table cutting up in 
 the usual way, when his mother reproved 
 him. Upon this he began buttering a huge 
 slice of bread at such a furious rate, that 
 his mother found it necessary to interfere 
 again: Why Johnny, said she, how you 
 do behave ! You mustn t eat so much butter ; 
 it will be the death of you. The little chap 
 looked up w r ith a roguish smile, and said, 
 Well, mother, I mean to go well buttered, 
 you see, if I am not so \vell bread. " This 
 the editor was kind enough to explain, by 
 enclosing "bred" in a parenthesis, after the 
 style of newspaper purveyors, who seem to 
 take it for granted that most of their capital 
 jokes are unintelligible to the common reader. 
 No. 58. Little Daisy s mother was trying 
 to make her understand the meaning of smile. 
 " Oh yes, I know," said the little one, her 
 
140 Great Mysteries and Little Plagties. 
 
 face all lighting up as she spoke, "it is the 
 whisper of a laugh." Quite equal to the 
 "frozen music" of architecture, or the "poetry 
 of motion." Sed quare, as the lawyers say, 
 Was such a thing ever said by a little child? 
 I trow not. 
 
 No. 59. But here is something we can 
 believe. A buxom Ohio school-girl was 
 going through her calisthenic performances 
 for the amusement of her little brothers and 
 sisters. A youthful visitor, full of compassion 
 for the poor thing, asked her brother if 
 that gal had fits? "No," replied the in 
 dignant brother, " them s gymnastics." " Oh, 
 I see; how long has she had em?" which 
 reminds me that I was once asked by a la 
 borer, who saw half a hundred stout fellows 
 exercising in the open air, bare-headed, with 
 their jackets off, in Voelker s London Gymna 
 sium at St. John s Wood, " How much we 
 got a day?" 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 141 
 
 No. 60. But the inquisitiveness of these 
 folks, who are to govern the world hereafter, 
 is not confined to every-day investigations ; 
 and well for us that they are not : and well 
 must it be for the nations for what our children 
 are now, that will our country be hereafter. 
 
 "Mamma, how does God born people 
 black?" said a sprightly little whippersnap- 
 per, who had been listening to a talk about 
 the freedmen. 
 
 "By His great power." 
 
 "Well, I guess He must have a great big 
 pot of blackin , and then He smooches em 
 all over, jess as soon as they are borned." 
 
 "No, no, my dear that would soon rub 
 off," said mamma. 
 
 After a while a very earnest, exulting little 
 voice was heard from underneath the bed 
 clothes, saying, " I know now, mamma ! He 
 mixes the blackin with the dust." 
 
142 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 Set down that child for a thorough-going 
 investigator never to be put off with any 
 thing short of demonstration like Sir Hum 
 phrey Davy, or Faraday. 
 
 No. 61. And then, too, how jealous they 
 are of their little prerogatives, and how they 
 stand up for themselves, when hard pushed ! 
 A returned Californian found the baby he 
 had left in her mother s lap, a smart little 
 wayward minx of five summers. One day 
 he happened to offend her ladyship, when 
 she exclaimed, " There now ! I do wish 
 you d never married into the family." 
 
 No. 62. Freddy, a sunny-haired little fel 
 low, just beginning to say "I shall be five 
 next year about this time," after sitting awhile 
 as if lost in thought, broke out with, " Say, 
 pa, can God do anything?" "Yes, dear." 
 "Can He make a two-year old colt in two 
 minutes ? " " Why He wouldn t want to do 
 
Picking s and Stealings. 143 
 
 that, Freddy." "But I say pa, if He did 
 want to, could He do it?" "Yes, certainly," 
 answered the father, somewhat annoyed at 
 the child s pertinacity. " What ! in two min 
 utes, pa?" "Yes, in two minutes." "Well, 
 then, the colt wouldn t be two years old, 
 would he ? " There s a logician for you 
 ay, and metaphysician too ; but there ! don t 
 they swarm about our supper-tables and Sab 
 bath-schools, just now, like the frogs in 
 Egypt? 
 
 No. 63. Putting it Home. A little Berk 
 shire five-year-old began to be ravenous about 
 bed-time, and was afraid to ask for more 
 supper. At last, after pondering the question 
 awhile, he said, "Mother, are little children 
 that starve to death happy after they die?" 
 Of course that child drew extra rations for 
 once. 
 
 No. 64. "Sammy," said a young mother 
 
144 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 to her darling, " Sammy dear, do you under 
 stand the difference between body and soul ? " 
 " Don t think I do, ma that is, not exactly." 
 " Shall mother try to make it clear to him ? " 
 "Yes, mamma." "Well, then," patting his 
 arms and shoulders, "this is the body. The 
 soul is what you live with ; the body carries 
 you about." " You, mamma and who is 
 you?" "Never mind now this, as I told 
 you," touching him again on the shoulders 
 and arms, " this is the body ; but there is 
 something underneath, something deeper in. 
 You can feel it now. What is it? " " O, I 
 know ! " said he, with a flash of delighted 
 intelligence overspreading every feature, "it 
 is my flannel undershirt." Of course it was ! 
 What other soul had he any idea of after 
 mamma was done with him? 
 
 No. 65. O Hush! A gentleman was ad 
 miring the beautiful hair of a young, hand- 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 145 
 
 some, fashionable widow, when her little girl, 
 who had no idea of being overlooked, ob 
 served, with a fling and a pout, " I guess 
 my hair would look well too, if I took as 
 much care of it. Mamma never sleeps in her 
 hair." Of course pollywog took a lesson, 
 after bed-time, with the young ladies who 
 "tingle, skeem, an dance." 
 
 No. 66. A clergyman of astonishing per 
 tinacity, having tired out a large congrega 
 tion long before he had reached his tenthly, 
 stopped to take breath and wipe the sweat 
 from his forehead, and was just beginning 
 afresh, when a little miss, just under the 
 pulpit, exclaimed, <? O mother ! he aint a-goin 
 to stop at all ! he is a-swellin up again." 
 
 No. 67. A fine manly little fellow of five 
 years tumbled on the door-step and cut his 
 upper lip, so that a surgeon had to sew it 
 up. He sat in his mother s lap during the 
 
 10 
 
146 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 operation, pale and speechless, though large 
 tears gathered in his eyes, and seemed just 
 ready to fall. " O dear ! " said she, as the 
 doctor finished off, " I m afraid it will leave 
 a bad scar." "Never mind," said Charley, 
 patting her on the cheek, "never mind, 
 mother, darling, my mustache will cover it ! " 
 
 There s a hero for you. How much better 
 than Nelson s "Kiss me, Hardy." 
 
 No. 68. A boy who was warmly praised 
 for not having once taken his eyes off the 
 preacher, answered, in the honesty of his 
 little heart, " O, I only wanted to see how 
 near he was to the end." 
 
 No. 69. A Sandusky mother was she a 
 gipsy? so runs the little story, was reprov 
 ing her three-year-old perplexity for eating 
 icicles. "I didn t eat em, mamma," said he, 
 " I only sucked the juice out of em." Worthy 
 of any bar on earth, and of almost any special 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 147 
 
 pleader in politics or law, metaphysics or 
 political economy. 
 
 No. 70. "The little darling! It didn t 
 strike neighbor Smith s poor little baby a- 
 purpose, did he? It was a mere accident, 
 wasn t it, dear?" "Yes, mamma, to be sure 
 it was, an if he don t behave himself an 
 stop makin mouths at me, I ll crack him 
 again." 
 
 No. 71. "Well Susie, how do you like 
 your school?" " O, ever so much, papa." 
 " That s right, Susie. And now tell me what 
 you have learned to-day?" "Well, papa, 
 I ve learned the names of all the little boys." 
 
 And what more would you have? though 
 the young lady were at a boarding-school, 
 and learning the polka, and the waltz, or the 
 schottische ? 
 
 No. 72. "I say, my fine fellow, where s 
 this road go to?" "It hain t ben nowhere 
 
148 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 sence we ve lived in these parts." A legal 
 question put to a witness on the stand, legally 
 answered hey ? 
 
 No. 73. "I do wish you would behave!" 
 said a boy to his little sister, in a fit of impa 
 tience. "Don t speak so to your sister," said 
 mamma, " she is a good little girl on the 
 whole." "I don t see where \h^good comes 
 in," he replied. "It comes in right after 
 the #," said the little bepraised. Wasn t she 
 smart? or "just as cunnin as she could be?" 
 
 No. 74. " What did you use to do, mam 
 ma, before you was married?" asked a little 
 cherub, not four years old. "Well, my dear, 
 I had a very good time, generally." "A 
 good time ! " he exclaimed with a look of 
 astonishment, "what! without me?" Such 
 babies will never allow themselves to be un 
 dervalued, even to the last. They will be 
 missed, if they are not mastered. Not so 
 bad hey? 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 149 
 
 No. 75. A gentlewoman I hate ladies 
 belonging to Gardiner, Maine, paid a visit 
 to the graveyard with her little daughter. 
 Seeing the effigy of a horse on one of the 
 upright slabs, she stooped down to read the 
 inscription, but nothing did she find to explain 
 the mystery ; \vhereupon the child whispered, 
 that " maybe the poor man died of night- 
 marc" A very plausible conjecture, was it 
 not, for a region where so many live and 
 die of the same ailment? now under the name 
 of apoplexy, and now under that of the heart 
 disease, or plethora? 
 
 No. 76. A little creature, under three years 
 of age, on being told that she was too little 
 to have a muff, asked, with a bright flush 
 over her whole face, " Am I too little to be 
 cold?" Another, on being refused admission 
 to the church, upon the ground that she was 
 too young, asked if she was too young to sin 
 and be sorry for it? 
 
150 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 77. Another three-year-old, on re 
 turning from her first visit to church, asked 
 for a cup of water, that she might christen 
 her doll, just as the preacher did the baby. 
 And why not if mother had failed to 
 enlighten her upon the subject of infant bap 
 tism ? 
 
 No. 78. Two little girls, both under six, 
 were overheard in conversation about their 
 neighbors. " Emma," said one of them, 
 " wouldn t it be awful if somebody should up 
 and shoot our school-mistress?" "Yes in 
 deed," was the reply; "but then, wouldn t it 
 be nice not to have any school ? " 
 
 No. 79. A little boy once asked a godly 
 minister, "Do you think my father will go 
 to heaven?" "Yes," replied the minister. 
 "Well then, / tell you, if he can t have his 
 own way there, he won t stay long, you bet." 
 
 No. 80. Tit for Tat. The family were 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 151 
 
 at dinner. The conversation turned upon a 
 trip to the islands, about to take place. A 
 clergyman spoke to the little one, and after 
 some bantering, asked her if she could say 
 the alphabet backward. "No sir," said she, 
 wondering what next, as the tadpole did 
 when his tail dropped off. " Then," said he, 
 "you can t goto the islands." After looking 
 very thoughtful for a few moments, she 
 asked, " Can you say the Lord s Prayer back 
 ward? " " No, my dear." " Then," said she, 
 "you can t go to heaven." Was not the infer 
 ence honest and fair, granting the premises? 
 No. 81. A little blue-eyed maiden, who 
 was romping with her fifth Christmas doll, 
 and listening to some conversation about un 
 happy marriages, incompatibilities of temper, 
 and the Chicago recipe for unmarrying, 
 turned to her mother and said, " Well, ma, 
 I m never going to marry, I m going to be 
 
152 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 a widow." The dear little chatterbox! If 
 she could only have kept her own counsel 
 a few years longer. How many are there 
 who would like being widows, without going 
 through the form of marriage? but then, 
 they ll never say so, for widows have their 
 privileges, and privileges, too, that wives 
 have not. 
 
 No. 82. And here we have something out 
 of the common way, well vouched for, and 
 thoroughly safe to be repeated. A little boy 
 of only eight years, a son of Mr. Elias Bates, 
 drove to the Agricultural Fair in Medford, 
 Mass., a pair of black calves, which were 
 so perfectly trained as to draw a little blue 
 wagon, which had been got up for the occa 
 sion. The little fellow and this, probably, 
 will be thought the best part of the story by 
 most of our young readers, was furnished 
 with scrip from the wallets of the bystanders 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 153 
 
 to the amount of nobody knows how many 
 dollars ; enough, at any rate, to nearly fill his 
 cap. Whereat, says the narrator, he was so 
 entirely overcome with surprise and joy, that 
 he cried, and laughed, tried to talk, and then 
 fairly broke down, and took to his heels, and 
 ran away, as if the dogs were after him. 
 
 No. 83. Lilly and Nina had prepared a 
 doll s breakfast, and arrayed it on a side 
 board, while they went to take a romp in the 
 garden. Master Bob, their little brother, 
 clambered up the side-board and began gob 
 bling the dainties, as boys will do, you know, 
 whatever may be their age. "Why, Bobby ! " 
 said his mother, looking in at the open door, 
 "what are you doing there ? " " Playin pussy, 
 mamma." 
 
 No. 84. At a country fair in New Jersey, 
 not long ago, a little boy who was running 
 about, like a distracted thing, and bawling as 
 
154 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 if he would split his throat, was asked what 
 was the matter. " I want my mammy," said 
 he, "that s what s the matter! Didn t I tell 
 the darned thing she d lose me ? " 
 
 No. 85. A little four-year-old went to 
 church in Bridgeport, Connecticut, last sum 
 mer. On getting home, her mother asked 
 her if she remembered the text. " O yes, 
 mamma ; it was this : f The Ladies Sewing 
 Circle will meet at Mrs. So-and-so s house, on 
 Monday afternoon. " A capital text, what 
 ever may have been the sermon. 
 
 No. 86. A Boston boy, five years of age, 
 and a type of many now flourishing there, 
 if not a type of that class who are to be the 
 gold-brokers of hereafter, at least a repre 
 sentative boy of the shrewd and calculating, 
 now on their way up in the cashier-business, 
 which so often ends of late in there being 
 neither cash-/tere nor cash-t/iere for stock- 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 155 
 
 holders, having stolen, or appropriated, a can 
 of milk, was taken solemnly to task for the 
 misdemeanor by his loving mother. " What 
 on earth were you going to do with the 
 milk?" said she. "O, I was going to steal 
 a little puppy to drink it," was the reply. 
 Perfectly satisfactory, no doubt, like certi 
 fying checks by the handful, and appropri 
 ating, or conveying, the gold of widows and 
 orphans by the wheelbarrow - load into a 
 friend s pocket, or in speculating where what/ 
 you gain is yours, and what you lose, 
 another s. 
 
 No. 87. A clergyman asked some chil 
 dren why we say Our Father -who art in 
 Heaven, since God is everywhere? A little 
 drummer-boy, who stood afar off, looked as 
 if he understood the question. " Well, my 
 little soldier, what have you to say?" "Be 
 cause it s head-quarters," he replied. 
 
156 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 88. "A little nephew of ours," says 
 a contributor, " went with his sister to school 
 not long ago, for the first time. They kept 
 him there five mortal hours, with a short re 
 cess, which he did not know how to take 
 advantage of. On being asked how he en 
 joyed the school, he answered, Petty well, 
 I tank you, but I dut awfully rested. " 
 
 No. 89. A Specimen of Childish Faith , 
 -which, if not dwarfed nor blighted, would be 
 enough almost to move Mountains, after 
 getting its growth. Two little girls, one 
 nine and the other eleven, on getting up one 
 morning, had a trial to see which would get 
 dressed first. Little Sue was the winner ; and 
 turning to her sister, with the triumphant air 
 of a victor at -the Olympian games, she said, 
 "I knew I should beat you, Sissy ; for I asked 
 God to help me, and I knew He would." 
 
 No. 90. A fine-looking, saucy, high-spir- 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 157 
 
 ited girl of ten, bought of a fashionable shoe 
 maker a pair of warranted boots. They broke 
 out with one day s wear. She carried them 
 back to him. After turning them over, inside 
 and out, awhile, he said, "They were not 
 taken in quite enough, I see." "No," she 
 replied, "but I was." 
 
 No. 91. A promising little chap having 
 heard it stated confidentially that a neighbor 
 was married, and that she had a little boy and 
 girl, stowed the fact away for future use ; and 
 not long after reproduced it in a large com 
 pany of ladies and gentlemen, after this 
 
 fashion : " Miss M , I tink our tortus-shell 
 
 tat s ben dittin married she s dut tittens." 
 But tortoise-shell cats don t have kittens at 
 least, not of themselves, if by proxy ; but 
 qui facit -per alium facit -per se, as the law 
 yers say ; and the little boy may have mis 
 understood the symptoms. 
 
158 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 92. Charley, the other day, on seeing 
 three or four funerals in swift succession, 
 expressed a wish that he might die " before 
 Heaven was too full." 
 
 No. 93. A mother, out a-shopping with 
 her little girl and boy, bought him a rubber 
 balloon, which escaped while he was playing 
 with it, and went off up into the sky. Sissy, 
 on seeing the tears in his eyes, and his quiver 
 ing chin, said, "Never mind, Neddy when 
 you dies and dose to Heaben, you ll dit it." 
 
 No. 94. A Bible-class had been called 
 upon for the names of the precious stones 
 mentioned in the Scriptures. After the ques 
 tion had gone through the class, one little 
 fellow held up his hand. "Well, Tommy," 
 said the teacher, " what precious stone have 
 you found? " " Brimthtone, thir ! " 
 
 No. 95. This beautiful anecdote must be 
 given in the very words of the narrator : " A 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 159 
 
 lady visiting New York, found a ragged, cold, 
 and hungry child gazing wistfully at some 
 cakes in a shop window. She took the little 
 forlorn thing by the hand, led her into the shop, 
 bought her a cake, and then led her away, 
 and supplied her other wants. The grateful 
 little creature looked her full in the face, and 
 whispered, "Are you God s wife f 
 
 No. 96. A fashionable woman called upon 
 a dentist to have some teeth filled, taking with 
 her a little niece. Among these were two 
 front incisors, which were filled on the lower 
 edge. In a pleasant mood, when everything 
 went well with Aunty, glimpses of the gold 
 were occasionally seen. " O Aunt Mary," said 
 the child, " how I should like to have copper- 
 toed teeth, like yours ! " 
 
 And this reminds me of a little boy, whose 
 father was bald-headed. One day he was sent 
 to have his hair cut. " How would you like to 
 
160 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 have it cut, my little man ? " said the artist. 
 "Like papa s, with a hole in the top," said he, 
 perhaps to see through. 
 
 No. 97. Master Jimmy was standing on 
 his father s steps, in broad daylight, smoking 
 a cigar. "Why, Jim," said a neighbor, who 
 was hurrying by, " when did you learn to 
 smoke? " " O," says the boy " when I was 
 a little fellow ! " 
 
 No. 98. " Papa," said a small urchin with 
 a mischievous eye "I say, papa, ought the 
 master to flog a fellar for what he didn t do ? " 
 "Certainly not, my boy." "Well, then, he 
 flogged me to-day when I didn t do my sum." 
 And there he had him ! 
 
 No. 99. And this, too, is vouched for 
 though not by me : A little girl, about five 
 years old, heard a preacher vociferating in 
 prayer till the roof rang again. "Mother," 
 said the little one, "don t you think, if he lived 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 161 
 
 nearer to God, he wouldn t have to pray so 
 loud ? " Maybe she had been told about the 
 priests of Baal, and their shouting before the 
 Hebrew prophet, who mocked them. 
 
 No. 100. Bishop Simpson, they say, in a 
 lecture delivered at Boston, had the courage to 
 say, that in two or three years, at furthest, 
 Chinese servants would be common there. 
 Next morning the father happened to mention 
 it. " O, pa," whispered Minnie, " won t it be 
 nice ! we shall have a Chinese servant, and 
 she will eat all the rats, and so we sha n t 
 have to keep a cat ! " 
 
 No. 101. A youngster, who had been play 
 ing in a mud-puddle till his rubber boots were 
 full of the dirty water, came home at last to 
 report progress, and ask leave to sit again. 
 But his mother, with an eye to doctor s bills, 
 and a whooping-cough, or scarlet fever, said 
 No ; and the child was kept in the house all 
 ii 
 
162 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 day, till he could bear it no longer. "O 
 
 | 
 
 mamma!" said he, at last, "please whip me, 
 and let me go out again do" It seems 
 that he had outwaded all the rest of the boys, 
 without going much beyond his depth. 
 
 No. 1 02. Children are wonders. No mat 
 ter how well acquainted with them we may be, 
 they are always taking us off our feet. A 
 pious woman heard a child, as she thought, 
 say and the child, too, of godly parents 
 "Dam it to hell who buys?" having a 
 basket on his arm, containing she knew not 
 what, so shocked was she. On reporting the 
 case at head-quarters, the affair was investi 
 gated, and it turned out that the poor little fel 
 low had a bushel of damsons, which he made 
 believe hawk round, after the fashion of small 
 dealers who cry their wares in the street. 
 What he tried to say was, "Damsons to sell 
 who buys ? " 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 163 
 
 No. 103. "How many sisters did you say, 
 my dear?" " Only one beside myself." "And 
 how many brothers?" "None at all." "What ! 
 no brother ! " " No sir ; mamma don t approve 
 of boys." That s a fact. 
 
 No. 104. A little nigger-boy at the South 
 had just been equipped with a new suit of 
 clothes, the first he ever had in his life, you 
 may be sure. Next morning he appeared 
 with one leg of the trousers ripped up from 
 shoe to waistband. On being asked how it 
 happened, he answered, "Please ma am, I 
 wanted to hear \\.Jlof!" 
 
 No. 105. Another little boy, while playing 
 by himself on the carpet, burst out with a 
 ringing laugh. On being questioned, it turned 
 out that he had taken off the tail of a little 
 toy pony, and stuck it into the pony s mouth. 
 "Papa," said he, " do Dod see everything?" 
 "Yes, my boy." "Well, then, I dess Dod 
 will laugh, when He sees my pony." 
 
164 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 106. "I have somewhere met with a 
 stoiy," says a pleasant, gossiping observer, 
 " about a man who went, one dark night, to 
 steal corn from his neighbor s patch. He had 
 taken his little boy with him to keep watch. 
 The man jumped over the fence with a large 
 bag on his arm ; but before he began to fill 
 it, he stopped and looked about on all sides, 
 and, not seeing anybody, was just going to 
 work, when his little boy cried out, r Oh, 
 father, father ! there is one way you haven t 
 looked yet ! 
 
 "The old man was rather startled, and asked 
 what he meant. 
 
 " Why, said the little one, you forgot to 
 look tip. 
 
 " The father was silent thunderstruck 
 as if he had been admonished by a little guar 
 dian angel : he went back to the fence, took 
 his little boy by the hand, and hurried away 
 without the corn." 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 165 
 
 No. 107. A mother was reading to her 
 child, a boy of seven, about another little boy 
 whose father had lately died, leaving the fam 
 ily destitute, whereupon the boy went to work 
 for himself, and managed to support them all. 
 
 "Now, my little man," said mother, after 
 she had finished the story, " if papa should be 
 taken away, wouldn t you like to help your 
 poor mother and your little sisters ? " 
 
 "Why, ma what for? Ain t we got a 
 good house to live in?" 
 
 " O yes, my child ; but \ve couldn t eat the 
 house, you know." 
 
 " Well ain t we got flour and sugar, and 
 other things in the store-room ? " 
 
 " Certainly, my dear ; but they wouldn t last 
 long and what then ? " 
 
 " Well ain t there enough to last, till you 
 could get another husband? " 
 
 Mamma dried uj> just as the boy had 
 slopped over. 
 
1 66 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 108. A mother had been telling her 
 little girl about the blessings above. "But 
 will mamma be there too ?" asked the child. 
 "Yes; you and I, and little brother, and 
 papa." "O no, mamma," said she "papa 
 can t go; papa can t leave the store." 
 
 No. 109. A little four-year-old, living just 
 out of New York, was saying the Lord s 
 Prayer at his mother s knee. After he had 
 finished, she said to him 
 
 "Now, Sandy, ask God to make you a 
 good boy." 
 
 The child hesitated, grew thoughtful, and, 
 after a few minutes, looked up and whis 
 pered 
 
 "It s no use, mamma He won t do it, I tell 
 you ; I ve asked Him ever so many times." 
 
 No. no. A little girl, the daughter of a 
 Brooklyn wife, had been listening to an argu 
 ment about the occupations above, and the 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 167 
 
 great Hereafter. Turning suddenly to her 
 aunt, she asked what people found to do after 
 they went to Heaven. Her aunt, being taken 
 by surprise, answered, " O, they play on 
 golden harps." " What all the time ! " 
 "Yes all the time, dear/ "Then," said the 
 child, " I don t want to go there I should be 
 so tired; and, what is more, I don t like the 
 music." 
 
 No. in. "Is it still raining, my dear?" 
 said a mother to her child of only three, at 
 Jamaica, L. I. The child, after looking out 
 of the window, turned to her mother and said, 
 "No, mamma, it ain t a-rainin now, but the 
 trees is leakin ." The same child, having a 
 habit of putting pins in her mouth, was 
 anxiously watched. Whenever she was very 
 still, they knew she was in some mischief. 
 The other day, on seeing her stand at the 
 bureau in perfect silence, her mother began to 
 
168 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 have her suspicions. "Mary," said she, "you 
 are playing with pins, I m afraid ; I hope you 
 haven t got any in your mouth." "I ain t dut 
 any in my mouth now," she said; "but I bin 
 playin pins is meat." 
 
 No. 112. One round more, and I throw 
 up the sponge. The same little wee thing 
 a granddaughter of my own, ty the way, and 
 the first of the series mentioned in No. 10, 
 who spelled -pigeon with J^.. U. A. /. /,., and 
 pronounced \\. fidget, was looking at a hive, in 
 a book for babies. " O," she shouted " O, 
 grandpa, I know what them is ! They s the 
 honeys, and when they go away, I mean to 
 steal their -porridge.^ N. B. She had 
 always called honey porridge. 
 
 No. 113. Once and I give this for a fine 
 illustration of the total depravity we hear so 
 much of I had a pleasant specimen of the 
 inward working of that self-reproach we are all 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 169 
 
 tried with sometimes, in this way : Miss Nellie 
 seemed shy of me one morning, when she 
 came into the breakfast room. Instead of run 
 ning up to grandpa with a kiss upon her little 
 red lips, she kept aloof, and went wandering 
 about beyond my reach, with her eyes fastened 
 on me all the time. At last, unable to bear it 
 longer, she whimpered, " Oo needn t look at 
 me so, grandpa ; I ony toot one tawbelly." 
 
 No. 114. "High, there, high !" said Grand 
 father Hall to my little boy the first we had. 
 "You don t know where you are." " Yes I do, 
 grandpa." "Well, where are you?" "I m 
 here," was the reply. 
 
 No. 115. Analogy. "What the plague is 
 that?" said a father to his little boy, as a dog 
 ran past them with a muzzle over his head. 
 " Well, I guess it s a little hoop-skirt? said 
 the boy. 
 
 No. 116. Prepare to Pucker! A little 
 
170 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 four-year-old chap had been trying a long 
 while to pucker his mouth into shape, for whis 
 tling a national tune, which he had just heard 
 upon the street. At last he gave it up, and went 
 to his mother with tears in his eyes, exclaim 
 ing, " Ma, I s so little I tan t make a hole big 
 enough for Yankee Doolum to dit out." 
 
 No. 117. Disinterested Advice. rt Mam 
 my ! " said another little fellow, just big enough 
 to gobble dough-nuts, and relish mud-pies and 
 lollipop, who had been set to rocking the 
 cradle of his baby brother, of whom he pro 
 fessed to be very fond very " Mammy ! if 
 the Lord s got any more babies to give away, 
 don t you take em." 
 
 No. 118. Rather a Paradox. "What is 
 conscience ? " asked a sabbath-school teacher. 
 "An inward monitor," was the reply of a 
 smart little fellow, not large enough to spell 
 
 * 
 
 ratiocination with safety. "And what is a 
 monitor?" " One of the iron-clads." Ergo. 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 171 
 
 No. 119. The Reason why. A boy of 
 nine, having a motherly hen with a large 
 brood of chickens to watch, undertook to sat 
 isfy his mother that he would rather be a 
 chicken than a boy chickens were so much 
 happier. The mother was obstinate, and so 
 was the boy ; but the next day he happened to 
 come across a copy of "Don Quixote," with 
 which he was so carried away, that he ran off 
 to his mother to tell her that, on the whole, 
 " he guessed he d rather be a boy than a 
 chicken ; " for, " if I was a chicken," said he, 
 "I couldn t read Don Quixote. " 
 
 No. 1 20. Retribution. A little four-year- 
 old shaver, living on Munjoy, had picked up 
 some naughty words nobody knew where. 
 But his mother, to cure him, was in the habit 
 of touching the tip of his tongue with a little 
 black pepper, until he seemed to have aban 
 doned the practice. Only last week, however, 
 
172 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 the Old Adam broke out afresh, and he ran 
 off to his mother, saying, " Dod dam it ! Dod 
 dam it ! Now dit your pepper-bots ! " and 
 then rushed to the table and grabbed the box, 
 and turned it up for the prescribed allowance ; 
 but the cover came off as might have been 
 expected filling his mouth, so that he could 
 neither speak nor breathe for awhile, and 
 looked upon it as a judgment, and has now 
 left off swearing for the present. 
 
 No. 121. Influence of Example. "I ve 
 done it, mamma ! I ve done it ! " screamed a 
 little three-year-old tantrybogus, from the 
 top of the cellar stairs, to his mother, who 
 had just left the kitchen for a few minutes. 
 "Turn and tee, mamma ! " And sure enough, 
 he had done it ! having upset a basket of 
 eggs, and smashed them all, one after another, 
 in a sort of ecstacv. His mother had been 
 
 w 
 
 preparing for a batch of cake, and he had 
 been delighted with her treatment of the eggs. 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 173 
 
 No. 122. Appropriate Language. 
 "Auntie," said another little three-year-old, 
 one day "Auntie, I don t lite mine apons 
 tarched so drefful. So much tarchess makes 
 the tiffness tratch my bareness." 
 
 No. 123. After-thoughts. Master Frank 
 was in the habit of tumbling out of bed o 
 nights, and his father would call him to ac 
 count for it next morning. One day he said, 
 " Well, Frank, and so you tumbled out of 
 bed again?" "No I didn t, papa it was 
 the pillow; for I went up to see, and the pil 
 low was on the floor, by the bedside." "What 
 made you cry, then, my boy?" "Well, you 
 see, it was so dark, papa, I couldn t tell at 
 first whether twas me or the pillow." 
 
 No. 124. Baby Theologians. A child in 
 the sabbath-school, on being asked if he could 
 mention a place where God was not, an 
 swered, " He is not in the thoughts of the 
 wicked." 
 
1 74 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 Another, when told that God was every 
 where, asked, " In this room ? " " Yes." " In 
 the closet? " " Yes." " In the drawers of my 
 desk?" "Yes everywhere He s in your 
 pocket now." "No He ain t, though." "And 
 why not? " " Tauth, I ain t dut no pottet." 
 
 No. 125. A great Mystery . "There is a 
 little girl in Kentucky," says a respectable 
 paper, judging by appearances, "who has 
 never spoken to her father. She talks freely 
 with anybody else, but when her father speaks 
 to her, she is speechless. They have whipped 
 her, again and again, but to no purpose ; for 
 she declares, with trembling lips, and with 
 tears in her eyes, that she has often tried to 
 speak to him, but could not." 
 
 No. 126. Childish Metaphysics. A grand 
 son of the governor of Virginia, a child of 
 only four or five summers, was on a visit, not 
 long ago, to his maternal grandfather, a large 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 175 
 
 landholder in Ohio. One day, after a first 
 visit to the sabbath-school, he led his grand 
 father down to a magnificent tree, heavily 
 laden with walnuts. 
 
 "Grandpa," said he, "whom do all these 
 woods and fields belong to?" of course the 
 child said who, instead of whom; but that is 
 neither here nor there. 
 
 "They belong to me, Charley." 
 
 "No, sir no! they belong to God." 
 
 The grandfather said nothing, till they 
 reached the tree. 
 
 "Well, my boy, \vhom does this tree belong 
 to? " he asked, as they stopped underneath its 
 wide, heavy branches. 
 
 For a moment, Charley hesitated ; and then, 
 looking up into the tree, he said, while his 
 mouth watered visibly, "Well, gran father, the 
 tree belongs to God, but the walnuts are ours." 
 
 No. 127. "A touch of Nature makes the 
 
176 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 -whole world kin." A little boy, who had 
 been tormented by clouds of mosquitoes till he 
 could bear it no longer, exclaimed, " O dear 
 me ! O dear me ! I do wish God would kill 
 the mosquitoes ! I don t know what I would 
 give Him, if He only would." 
 
 No. 128. An Etymologist. A Connecti 
 cut boy insisted on knowing what was meant 
 by the slang phrase, " a gone sucker"; and 
 was overheard praying soon after, on being 
 sent off to bed "God bless papa and mamma, 
 and baby ; but I se been such a bad boy, I 
 rather guess I m a gone sucker." 
 
 No. 129. "How old are you, my dear?" 
 said a railroad conductor to a little gentle 
 woman, whose mother was trying to pass with 
 a half ticket. "I m nine at home,* was the 
 reply, "but in the cars I m only half-past six." 
 
 No. 130. A fair Inference. Dear little 
 Mamie H., who had just got over her sixth 
 birthday, was studying her sabbath-school 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 177 
 
 lesson, when her mother told her, in reply to 
 some question she had urged with a deal of 
 earnestness, that the naughty devil was black. 
 "Well, then, mamma," said the child, "if he 
 was a good devil, I s pose he d be white." 
 
 No. 131. Grandchildren on their Good 
 Behavior. Bishop, to Nellie peeping through 
 the side-lights, with a big tom-cat in her arms. 
 " Come and see me, Nellie." 
 
 "No I tan t." 
 
 Bishop. " Come come, and bring the cat 
 with you ; I want to see her." 
 
 "No, no ! Tommy don t like Bishops." 
 
 No. 132. A Baby Spendthrift." I say, 
 Bobby," said one little youngster to another, 
 " lend me two cents, will yer ? I got up so early, 
 that I spent all my money fore breakfast." 
 
 "More fool you." 
 
 " Wai I how should I know the day was 
 goin to be so long? " 
 
 12 
 
178 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 133. A Maxim well a$ filed. 
 " Never put off till to-morrow, my dear boy, 
 what you can do to-day," said a watchful 
 mother to her inquiring son. "Yes, mamma, 
 and so we ll have the raspberry-pie now, 
 that s put away for to-morrow shan t we, 
 mamma? " 
 
 No. 134. A fair Inference. At a 
 sabbath-school concert in a crowded and 
 popular church, the pastor, who prided him 
 self on the quickness and cleverness of his 
 little ones, said, " Boys, when I heard your 
 beautiful songs to-night, I had to work hard 
 to keep my feet still ; now what do you think 
 was the trouble with them ? " " Chilblainth ! " 
 shouted a little chap of six, or thereabouts. 
 
 No. 135. A timely Rebuke. A bright 
 eyed little fellow, in one of the Brooklyn 
 private-schools, having spelt a word, was 
 asked by his teacher, " Are you willing to bet 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 179 
 
 you re right, Bennie?" The boy looked up 
 with an air of astonishment, and replied, " I 
 
 know I m right, Miss V , but I never 
 
 bet." 
 
 No. 136. A dangerous >iiery. A pupil 
 was asked what S double E spelt. Being 
 rather slow with his answer, the teacher 
 grew impatient, and exclaimed, " You dunce ! 
 What is it I do \vith my eyes?" "O; I know 
 the word now, ma am S double E, squint" 
 
 No. 137. Constructiveness. The Spring 
 field Republican tells of a young gentleman 
 who doesn t want to be the last angel God 
 makes, because "he wants to see how He 
 makes J em." 
 
 No. 138. Imitation. A little girl at 
 Keokuk, Iowa, was lately found in a barn 
 giving trapeze performances to quite a gath 
 ering of wee folks. They had fitted up a 
 trapeze, with an old clothes-line and a 
 
i So Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 broomstick, at an elevation of twenty feet. 
 "The party was broken up," says a spec 
 tator, " before anything else was broken." 
 
 No. 139. The Tables turned. "Are 
 you talking to me, sir?" said a respectable 
 man to a little scapegrace, who had been 
 holding what he called an argument with 
 his papa ; " I m your father, sir. Remember 
 that, sir ! " 
 
 "Well, who s to blame for that, I should 
 like to know taint me," said the boy. 
 
 No. 140. Language. A bright, clear- 
 eyed little thing of three summers, after 
 listening demurely to a chapter of the Old 
 Testament, which her father read to the 
 family aloud one pleasant Sabbath, looked 
 up with the air of one who felt called upon 
 to say something, in the dead " silence that 
 followed, and whispered, " Papa, ain t God 
 a funny fellow ? " What knew that child of 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 181 
 
 irreverence? What she meant to say was 
 that she had been delighted. 
 
 No. 141. A new Paraphrase. A father, 
 who always insisted upon his children giving 
 their version of what they heard, in their 
 own language, to show that they understood 
 it, asked Charlie to repeat the text which 
 they had been listening to. 
 
 Charlie hesitated awhile, and then, as if 
 it had come to him all at once, broke out 
 with, "What are you loafing round here for, 
 doin nothing? Go into my barn-yard, and 
 go to work, and I ll make it all right with 
 you." 
 
 The text was, "Why stand ye here all the 
 day idle? Go into the vineyard and work, 
 and whatsoever is right, I will pay thee." 
 Who will venture to say that the poor child 
 did not understand the meaning? 
 
 No. 142. The Darlings. " Mamma ! " 
 
1 82 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 shouted Lollipop, " make Bobby have him 
 self; every time I hit him with the whap- 
 stick he hollars out." 
 
 No. 143. Another child was once heard 
 calling out from the head of the stairs to 
 her mamma, that nurse f wouldn t quiet her." 
 
 No. 144. Tit for Tat. Another wee 
 thing, after complaining of her teacher, said, 
 with a tap of her little foot, and a something 
 between a sob and a whimper, she did "wish 
 Miss Maria would go to school to herself 
 awhile, that she might see how she liked it." 
 
 No. 145. A fair Inference. A little 
 boy and girl had been repeatedly cautioned 
 not to take the nest-egg, when foraging in the 
 hay-mow, and along by the fences ; but one 
 evening, little Sis found her way to the nest, 
 rather in advance of Bubby, and snatching 
 the egg, off she started for the house. 
 Her brother followed, screaming, fr Mother ! 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 183 
 
 mother ! Susy s ben and got the egg the 
 old hen measures by ! " 
 
 No. 146. Another. A little bit of a thing 
 who had just got back from a party, was 
 asked by her mamma how she had enjoyed 
 herself. " O mamma ! " said she, " I m so 
 full of happiness I couldn t be no happier, 
 without I was bigger." So reasoned Samuel 
 Johnson. The quart pot and the pint may 
 both be full ; but the quart holds most. 
 
 No. 147. From Over-Sea. A little five- 
 year-old Parisian went to church with his 
 mamma. Both began praying. " Mamma," 
 whispered the little fellow, " I ve said my 
 prayer." "Say it over again, my dear." The 
 child obeys, and whispers, " I have said it 
 again, mamma," and gets the same ans\ver ; 
 and so for the third time, the mother not 
 liking to be hurried in her devotions. " But, 
 mamma, I have said it over three times." 
 
184 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 "Say it again, my dear." "But, mamma 
 won t it be tedious for the good God to listen 
 all the time to the same prayer? What if I 
 say over the fable I ve just learnt at school?" 
 
 No. 148. Definition of Faith. A child 
 was asked, "What is faith?" "Doing God s 
 will and asking no questions," was her reply. 
 
 Another fair Inference. "Lottie, dear," 
 said a little visitor to her playfellow of three, 
 "what makes our Kitty so cross?" " Cause 
 she s tuttin her teef, I spec." 
 
 No. 149. And yet another. A little 
 thing in a sabbath-school was asked by her 
 teacher " if she always said her prayers night 
 and morning." "No, Miss, I don t." "Why, 
 Mary ! Are you not afraid to go to sleep 
 in the dark, without asking God to take care 
 of you, and watch over you till morning?" 
 "No, Miss, I ain t cause I sleep in the 
 middle." 
 
 No. 150. Did his Best. A little chap 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 185 
 
 had a dirty face, and his teacher told him to 
 go and wash it. He went away, and after 
 a few minutes came back, with the lower 
 part of his countenance tolerably clean, while 
 the upper part was dirty and wet. 
 
 "Johnny," said the teacher, "why didn t 
 you wash your face ? " 
 
 " I did wash it, sir," said Johnny. 
 
 "You didn t wipe it all over, then?" 
 
 "I did wipe it, as high up as my shirt 
 would go." 
 
 And this reminds me of a little boy who 
 had been told never to go into the water with 
 out leave. One day he came home heated 
 and tired, with his shirt on wrong side out. 
 "You ve been in a-swimming, Josie," said his 
 mother. "No, mamma." "How came your 
 shirt turned inside out, then?" "Wai, "said 
 Josie, after a moment s hesitation, " I rather 
 guess it was when I got over that high 
 fence, and turned a somerset, head first." 
 
1 86 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 151. A new Version. A boy in 
 our District School was reading a lesson 
 from the Bible in that deliberate fashion so 
 usual with chaps of six, and when he came 
 to the passage, "Keep thy tongue from evil 
 and thy lips from guile," he drawled out, 
 with a decided emphasis, "Keep thy 
 tongue from evil ; and thy lips from from 
 girls." Of course, there followed an ex 
 plosion. "Job was an oyster-man; and the 
 Lord, he shot him with four balls," if we 
 may believe a new reading of what was in 
 tended for Scripture : " Somebody was an 
 austere man ; and the Lord smote him with 
 sore boils." 
 
 No. 152. Children and Pooh are said to 
 speak the Truth. "Be you good?" said a 
 little chap to Miss Bella M , of the sab 
 bath-school here. 
 
 " O no ! " was the becoming reply. 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 187 
 
 " You ain t ! well I knew you wasn t pretty, 
 but I always thought you was good." 
 
 No. 153. The following sweet lines are 
 too good for abridgment, or paraphrase. I 
 know not where they originated ; nor who 
 was the author. Was there ever anything 
 more childlike and beautiful than "Mamma, 
 God knows all the rest?" or ever lines 
 worthier of the text? 
 
 THE UNFINISHED PRAYER. 
 
 "Now I lay " repeat it, darling; 
 
 Lay me, lisped the tiny lips 
 Of my daughter, kneeling, bending 
 
 O er her folded finger-tips. 
 
 "Down to sleep" To sleep, she murmured, 
 
 And the curly head dropped low; 
 "I pray the Lord" I gently added, 
 
 You can say it all, I know. 
 
 " * Pray the Lord the word came faintly, 
 
 Fainter still My soul to keep ; 
 Then the tired head fairly nodded, 
 
 And the child was fast asleep. 
 
 "But the dewy eyes half opened 
 
 When I clasped her to my breast, 
 And the dear voice softly whispered, 
 
 Mamma, God knows all the rest. " 
 
1 88 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 154. Natural Language. A young 
 ster of only two and a half, who had often 
 heard complaints in the family about pegs 
 hurting the feet, stole up to his mother one 
 day, with his fingers in his mouth, and said, 
 " Mamma ! O mamma ! Me dut pegs tum- 
 min in my mouf, and dey hurts Billy." On 
 further examination, he was found to be 
 cutting no less than three little teeth. 
 
 No. 155.- An embryo Theologian. A 
 little boy, disputing one day with his elder 
 sister upon some Bible question, sung out, 
 " I tell ye, it s true ! for Ma says so ; an if 
 Ma says so, it is so, if it ain t so." That 
 boy s career is evident enough. Submission 
 to authority, and sheer dogmatism, will be 
 likely to overtop the pretensions of private 
 judgment. 
 
 No. 156. Budding Subterfuges. A little 
 girl, belonging to Hartford, Connecticut, was 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 189 
 
 called to account one day by her mother for 
 killing flies. The amusement had become a 
 serious occupation, and her dexterity in catch 
 ing them was only to be matched by her 
 astonishing aptitude in killing them. Her 
 mother had begun to be frightened. " Mary, 
 my love," said she, "don t you know that 
 God loves the little flies?" 
 
 Mary stood for a few moments, lost in 
 thought, her beautiful countenance growing 
 sadder and sadder, as if her conscience had 
 begun to testify against her in a whisper, just 
 as poor Herod s might have done, after the 
 slaughter of his innocents. At last, having 
 apparently settled the question with herself, 
 she stole up to the nearest window where a 
 big blue-bottle was blundering and bumping 
 about, and buzzing at a fearful rate. After 
 watching it for several minutes, w T ith a piteous 
 expression, as if her heart were too full for 
 
190 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 speech, she began whispering just loud enough 
 to be heard by her mother, " Do ee fy know 
 dat Dod loves oo ? Duz oo love Dod ? " 
 stretching out her little hand as if to soothe 
 its evident terror. "Duz oo? Duz oo want 
 to zee Dod? well," in a tone of the tenderest 
 commiseration, putting her finger on the fly, 
 and crushing it softly against the glass 
 "Well oo sal!" 
 
 No. 157. A young Nero. And this 
 reminds me of something told me by General 
 Fessenden, the father of all the general Fes- 
 sendens we know of. "When I was a little 
 fellow," said he, " not more than so high, the 
 Old Adam within me (what we Phrenologists 
 call Destructiveness, he meant) led me to pull 
 off the wings of flies, and to impale them on 
 pins, and set them buzzing at the end of a 
 hair. My father, in passing one day, stopped 
 long enough to catch me in the act. Nero! 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 191 
 
 .said he, and passed on. Well, said I to 
 myself, what did he mean by that? Nero 
 Nero I ll ask somebody. I did so found 
 out who Nero was, and from that day to this, 
 have never tormented any of God s creatures ! 
 And yet, he was a lawyer, in large practice 
 and I believed him that is, I believed him, 
 till I knew better." 
 
 No. 158. Total Depravity. "Do you 
 say your prayers every day, my little man 
 every night and morning ? " said a mother in 
 Israel to a little reprobate of a shoe-black, to 
 whom she had just given a trifle. "Yes m, 
 I alluz says em at night, mum ; but any 
 smart boy can alluz take care o hisself in 
 the daytime," was the reply. 
 
 No. 159. Infant Theology. A visitor 
 of large experience in sabbath-schools, asked 
 the children at a crowded examination, "What 
 was the sin of the Pharisees ? " " Eatin 
 
192 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 camels, ma am," said one of the smartest, 
 who had carried off many a prize. On 
 further questioning, the child justified, by 
 referring to the passage, where the Pharisees 
 were said to strain at a gnat, and swallow 
 a camel. 
 
 No. 160. Sabbath-school Exercise. But 
 an English gentlewoman once told me of 
 something she herself had witnessed at a 
 great London sabbath-school examination, 
 where a celebrated questioner called out a 
 little bright-eyed boy, by name, and asked 
 him why Joseph refused to go to bed with 
 Potiphar s wife, when she asked him. A 
 dead silence followed, and then a look of 
 amazement and consternation over all the 
 house, like a cloud : " Cause he wan t 
 sleepy," said the boy. A dead silence fol 
 lowed ; and then a most unseemly titter, on 
 every side, so that the questioner s indiscretion 
 seemed to be entirely lost sight of. 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 193 
 
 No. 161. Effectual Prayer. A little boy 
 in Jamaica went to the missionary, and told 
 him that he had been very ill, and often 
 wished for the minister to come and pray 
 with him. 
 
 "But, Thomas," said the missionary, "I 
 hope you prayed for yourself? " 
 
 " O yes, indeed ! " 
 
 " Well and how did you pray? " 
 
 " O, I jess begged." 
 
 Another child in a Sunday-school, only six 
 at most, said, " When we kneel down here in 
 the school-room to pray, it seems to me as if 
 my heart was talking with God." 
 
 Another little girl, just turning four, on 
 being questioned why she prayed to God, 
 answered 
 
 " Because I know He hears me, and so I 
 love to pray to Him." 
 
 " But how do you know He hears you? " 
 13 
 
194 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 Putting her little hand upon her heart, she 
 whispered, "O, I know He does, mamma, 
 because there is something here that tells 
 me so." 
 
 No. 162. Tit for Tat.K pretty four- 
 year-old midget went out to play on the side 
 walk. When she returned with wet and 
 muddy feet, showing that she had been some 
 where else, her mother began to look serious ; 
 whereupon the child, anticipating the worst, 
 murmured, with her head in her mother s lap, 
 " Now, mamma, you be dood to me, and I ll 
 be dood to you." 
 
 No. 163. A very -proper Distinction. 
 A little thing, not quite old enough to under 
 stand her catechism, getting puzzled over the 
 question, "Who made you?" went for the 
 answer to her mother. Having been told that 
 God made her, and all her little friends, and 
 the whole human family, she lost no time in 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 195 
 
 communicating the discovery to Daisy Dean, 
 her doll of only one summer. Taking the 
 little one on her knee, and looking very 
 solemn, she said, "Now, Daisy Dean, look 
 me right in the eyes : I want to tell oo 
 somesin. Dod made grampa and gramma 
 
 and me and papa and mamma; but " 
 
 after a pause, and shaking her head slowly 
 and impressively "but, Daisy Dean, Dod 
 only sewed you." 
 
 No. 164. Human Nature. A boy of about 
 five, a bagfull of bumble-bees at the best, when 
 required to be still on the Sabbath, getting 
 weary toward nightfall, went up to his father, 
 who had no little of the Puritan mingled with 
 his affection for the child, and said to him, 
 with great seriousness, "Come, pa, let s 
 have some spiritual fun." This was a little too 
 much for papa s gravity; and so he let him 
 have it for once. 
 
196 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 165. Courtesy. "A Brooklyn friend, 
 who believes in catechism, and teaches it with 
 unflinching pertinacity, worthy of Calvin or 
 Luther," says somebody " was putting one 
 of four through his paces one day, when the 
 question came up, Who tempted Eve? The 
 little fellow answered, after some consider 
 ation, with a look of triumph, pointing to the 
 floor, It s the gentleman that lives down 
 there I forget his name." 3 For "down 
 there" the reader is at liberty to substitute 
 another phrase, if he happens not to be of the 
 mealy-mouthed. 
 
 No. 1 66. Doll-Factory. A preacher in 
 the neighborhood of Lewiston had a little 
 daughter, who had gone into the business of 
 manufacturing paper dolls. In the midst of a 
 sermon, lately, he drew out his pocket-hand 
 kerchief, in somewhat of a hurry, and lo ! the 
 whole air was filled with what seemed at first 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 197 
 
 to be Japanese butterflies. When they settled, 
 however, they were found to be paper dolls, 
 about fifty in number, which had been stowed 
 away in his pocket-handkerchief, by his little 
 one, for safe keeping. The audience appeared 
 to enjoy the rest of the sermon exceedingly. 
 
 No. 167. Undiluted Orthodoxy. A little 
 girl was much in the habit of reproving her 
 dolls for misbehavior, and sometimes after a 
 most alarming fashion. Her mother over 
 heard her one day, while she was taking the 
 prettiest to task for being so naughty : " O you 
 naughty, sinful child," said she, shaking the 
 poor little waxen image, "you ll go to the 
 lake of fire and brimstone, you will ! and 
 you won t burn up, like other babies you ll 
 only jest sizzle." 
 
 No. 168. Puzzling Questions. A little 
 boy, who had just been admitted to the sab 
 bath-school, was greatly scandalized at find- 
 
198 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 ing, on his way home, an apothecary s shop 
 in full blast at a neighboring corner. " But, 
 my dear," said mamma, " the druggist is 
 obliged to keep open Sunday, so that sick 
 people may get medicine." "Why ! do people 
 get sick on Sunday? " "Yes, just as on any 
 other day." " Well, good people don t die 
 on Sunday, do they?" "Certainly." "Why, 
 how can that be? Does heaven keep open 
 Sunday?" 
 
 No. 169. Childish Faith. The Portland 
 Transcript knows of a little four-year-old, 
 who, being out for a sail, was told by his 
 mother that they were now on the sea. " On 
 the sea, mamma ! then who ll take care of 
 us?" "God, my dear He will take care 
 of us." " O yes I know he s one o* them 
 kind: 
 
 No. 170. The same inquisitive chap could 
 not understand how two boys who had died 
 
t 
 
 Pickings and Stealings. 199 
 
 before he was born, could be his brothers. 
 Mamma explained, that being her children 
 they were his brothers, though God had taken 
 them away to live with Him, before he was 
 born. He was very silent and thoughtful 
 for a few moments, and then exclaimed, 
 "O yes, I see / used to -play with em tip 
 there in heaven , before I came down here." 
 No. 171. The Boy and the Bobby link. 
 A bird lighted on a twig near a little 
 rugged -and -tough, hardly old enough to 
 make himself understood. The child took 
 up a stone to throw at him, after the fashion 
 of older boys. Just then the little songster 
 opened fire : " Bob-o -link ! bobbylink ! won t 
 you, will ye ! will ye, won t you ! I ll mend 
 your breeches if you ll find the pieces bobby 
 link ! link link ! " The boy s outstretched 
 arm dropped slowly down to his side. " Why 
 didn t you let fly, sonny?" said a stranger 
 
2OO Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 who had been watching him, and was not a 
 little curious to see how the struggle would 
 end. The boy shook his head, with a sor 
 rowful air, but said nothing. "You might 
 have killed him and carried him home," said 
 the stranger. 
 
 "I touldn t," said the little scapegrace. 
 
 "Couldn t! and why not, pray?" 
 
 " Cause he sung so." 
 
 No. 172. Superfluities. A youngster, 
 on being taken to the window of a toy-shop 
 where he saw a papier mache mouse, which, 
 on being wound up, ran hither and thither, 
 and whisked about like a live mouse, turned 
 away with ineffable contempt, saying, " O no, 
 mamma, I don t want that ! we ve got lots 
 of em at home, and don t have to wind em 
 up, neither." 
 
 No. 173. Imitation! Two children of 
 St. Louis were "playing butcher" not long 
 
L 
 
 Pickings and Stealings. 201 
 
 ago. He who personated the ox doesn t go 
 to school any more. One blow with a hatchet 
 from a sturdy five-year-old, nearly split his 
 head; but he bellowed so frightfully, as to 
 alarm the neighborhood, and bring relief, 
 just as the hatchet was lifted for another 
 blow. 
 
 No. 174. Soliloquies. A little six-year- 
 old, while undressing one night, with his 
 arms over his head tying his night-gown 
 behind, was overheard saying to himself, "I 
 can beat Tommy Tucker, I can ; I can write 
 my name in writin ; I can tell the time o 
 day by the clock, I can spell Nebuchad 
 nezzar, yes and what s more I can tie 
 a double bow-knot." There s a reasonable 
 amount of self-complacency for you ! He 
 was made for an author, and may soon be 
 getting up his autobiography. 
 
 No. 175. Another little chap under four 3 
 
2O2 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 _ . 
 
 while wading through a mud-puddle after a 
 heavy shower, came across an angle-worm, 
 and then fell into a reverie, "Worms they 
 are the snakes babies ; little mices they 
 are the rats babies ; and the stars they are 
 the moon s babies don t I know " splash ! 
 splash ! 
 
 No. 176. Capital definition of Ha f pi- 
 ness. A six-year-old school-girl of Norwich, 
 Connecticut, was asked for a definition of the 
 word " happy." " O, it is to feel as if you 
 wanted to give all your things to your little 
 sister." 
 
 No. 177. A fair Inference. "Mamma," 
 said a promising chap of four summers, " if 
 the people are all made -of dust, ain t the 
 colored folks made of coal-dust?" 
 
 No. 178. Not so bad. A well-known, 
 faithful teacher of Bridgeport, who has 
 charge of an infant class in a Sunday-school 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 203 
 
 i_ y. 
 
 there, reports the following case. Not long 
 ago he was talking with them about the 
 origin of Christmas : 
 
 "Where was Christ born?" he asked. 
 
 / In Bethlehem." 
 
 "Where is Bethlehem?" 
 
 "In Judea." 
 
 "Who first kneVf that Christ was born?" 
 
 "His mother." 
 
 No. 179. As the Spirit moveth. A little 
 Quaker boy, about six years old, after sitting, 
 like the rest of the congregation, in dead 
 silence, all being afraid to speak first, as he 
 thought, got up on the seat, and folding his 
 arms over his breast, murmured, in a sweet, 
 clear voice, just loud enough to be distinctly 
 heard on the fore-seat, " I do wish the Lord 
 would make us all gooder and gooder 
 and gooder till there is no bad left." Would 
 a longer prayer have been more to the pur 
 pose ? 
 
204 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 180. A Non Sequitur. "What have 
 you done with your doll, Amy?" "Lock it 
 up, papa ; doin to teep it for my itty dirl, 
 when I get big, jess like mamma." "Ah, 
 but if you shouldn t have any little girl ? " 
 "Never mind, papa then I ll dive it to my 
 gatf chile." 
 
 No. 181. A Toung Protestant. Not 
 long ago, as a crowd of foreigners were pre 
 sented to the Pope, a little American boy, 
 between four and five years of age, was led 
 up with the rest. The Pope seemed pleased 
 with the bright-eyed little fellow, and lifted 
 his foot somewhat higher than usual, that 
 the boy might more conveniently kiss the 
 cross embroidered upon the toe of his sandal. 
 The boy did not seem to relish the proposi 
 tion. Drawing himself up, he looked His 
 Holiness full in the face, and said, with 
 emphasis, "No sir, I won t do it!" The 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 205 
 
 Americans and English who were present 
 hardly knew which way to look ; but the 
 Pope only smiled good-humoredly, and ex 
 claimed, Americano ! 
 
 The venerable man is said to be "very fond 
 of children, and very indulgent," having none 
 of his own, and no nephews or nieces, to 
 sfeak of. 
 
 Not long ago, the little son of an architect 
 employed on certain alterations of St. Peter s 
 Basilica, for a coming festival, was sent by 
 the father to His Holiness, with drawings 
 and specifications. The Pope was so much 
 pleased with the plans, and with the spright- 
 liness of the little messenger, that he led him 
 to a secretary, opened a drawer full of gold 
 pieces, and told him to help himself. " Holy 
 Father," said the little scapegrace; "what if 
 you take em and give em to me your 
 hand is bigger than mine." The Pope smiled, 
 
206 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 and took advantage of the suggestion. So 
 says our "Parisian correspondent." 
 
 No. 182. Another Word for a Blow. 
 A little boy and girl were playing on the 
 road-side among the clover-blossoms and 
 butter-cups. The boy, who seemed about 
 five, suddenly took offence, and gave his little 
 playmate, who was still younger, a smart 
 slap on the cheek. She turned away, and 
 sat down in the long grass, and began to cry. 
 At first, the poor boy seemed cross and sulky, 
 as if determined to brave it out, but after a 
 minute or two his beautiful eyes changed 
 color, his mouth trembled, and he said, " I 
 didn t mean to hurt you, Katy, darling I 
 am sorry." The little rosy face brightened 
 up the sobs were hushed. "Well, then, 
 if you are sorry," said she, "it dorft hurt me" 
 
 No. 183. yust as the Twig is bent, etc. 
 etc. In order to amuse the children of a 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 207 
 
 sabbath-school, the teacher began reading 
 to her class the story of David and Goliah ; 
 and coming to the passage where Goliah so 
 boastingly dared the stripling shepherd-boy to 
 enter the list, a little chap, newly breeched, 
 up and said to her, "Skip that! skip that! 
 He s blowin I want to know who licked." 
 No. 184. And only yesterday the follow 
 ing illustration of my text happened in Fore- 
 Street. Near Gorham s Corner, two little boys 
 had set themselves in battle-array against a 
 third, somewhat larger. They were all in 
 petticoats, by the way. At last one of the 
 two stepped a little in advance of his com 
 panion, and bending his arm like a prize 
 fighter, sung out, " D ye see that ! jess feel 
 o that air muscle ! " The arm appeared 
 about the size of a turkey s leg, while he was 
 manipulating the biceps ; and the countenance 
 that of a trained pugilist. As the bigger boy 
 
208 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 stepped up \&feel that muscle, the little fellow 
 let fly, and sent him head over heels into the 
 gutter, petticoats and all. 
 
 No. 185. The Gates Ajar. "Our five- 
 year-old," says a neighbor, " stood looking at 
 the new moon a night or two ago. After a 
 long and thoughtful pause, he turned to his 
 mother and whispered, f Mamma, O mamma ! 
 Dod has opened the door a little way. " 
 
 No. 186. Inferential. A mother, who 
 had with her a little daughter, was examining 
 the figure of a horse on a tomb-stone, and 
 wondering what on earth it was an emblem 
 of. There was nothing to explain it, in the 
 inscription. "Mamma," said the little one, 
 as they moved away, " I -shouldn t wonder if 
 she died of the nightmare" 
 
 No. 187. Cafital! Just before Washing 
 ton s birthday, in February last, a teacher, 
 while notifying the class, and preparing them 
 
. Pickings and Stealings. 209 
 
 for the holiday, said something to the purpose, 
 about the Father of his Country, and then 
 put the question, 
 
 "Why should we celebrate Washington s 
 birthday any more than mine f " 
 
 "Because he never told a lie!" shouted a 
 young whippersnapper near the door. But 
 as he didn t vanish, probably he didn t mean 
 it. He had only read Weems s "Life of Wash 
 ington" to advantage, and didn t care who 
 knew it. 
 
 No. 1 88. Save the Pieces! At Winches 
 ter, N. H., last winter, a girl of ten, the 
 daughter of O. L. Howard, coasted over a 
 bank twenty feet high, into the Ashuelot river. 
 While on the \vay she was heard saying to 
 herself, "I m afraid I shall lose my sled!" 
 But she didn t, and was none the worse for 
 her ducking, though rather damp. 
 
 No. 189. Sublime. A cowardly scamp, 
 14 
 
2io Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 though fashionably dressed, having kicked a 
 poor little newsboy, for trying to sell him a 
 paper, the lad hove to, till another boy ac 
 costed the "gentleman," and then shouted, 
 in the hearing of all the bystanders, "It s 
 no use to try him, Joe he can t read." 
 
 No. 190. Constructiveness. The Belfast 
 Journal renders an account of a young 
 authoress in that neighborhood, who, at the 
 age of nine, has written the opening chapter 
 of a sensation story. Two of the characters 
 are described as twins, one five, and the other 
 six years old. 
 
 No. 191. Boston Notions. The rector 
 of a parish in Toledo, Ohio, was lately cate 
 chizing the children of his Sunday-school, 
 and asked, "Where did the wise men come 
 from?" "From Boston!" shouted a little 
 wretch, at the top of his voice. Upon further 
 inquiry, it was found that both father and 
 mother were of the Bay-State faith. 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 211 
 
 No. 192. Timely Preparation. The 
 Lewiston Journal says that a little four-year- 
 old, while standing by her teacher on exam 
 ination-day, after having spelt cat, dog, ox, 
 cow, and some other monosyllables, suddenly 
 snatched at the teacher s watch-guard, and 
 whispered, " Please, mayn t I be smissed after 
 my class gets through readin , so t I can run 
 home an get my hair fizzled for the mittee? " 
 Whereupon the teacher smissed her. 
 
 No. 193. Conscience-money. A Sunday- 
 school teacher was in the habit of passing 
 round the hat among the little folks, for mis 
 sionary purposes. One day, he was thrown 
 all aback, on finding a counterfeit shilling 
 among the coppers. Diligent inquiry being 
 had, the little reprobate, who was only ex 
 pected to give a penny, but an honest 
 penny, was found out. "Georgie," said the 
 teacher, with great seriousness, "didn t you 
 
212 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 know it was good for nothing?" "To be 
 sure I did," muttered the boy. " Then why 
 did you put it into the box?" "Well, I 
 didn t spose the little heathens would know 
 the difference, and so I thought it would be 
 just as good for them." 
 
 No. 194. Combativeness. "Look here, 
 mister ! " sung out a lad of seven, who had 
 been treed by a ferocious dog ; " if you don t 
 call that dog off, I ll eat up all your peaches ! " 
 
 No. 195. Childish Faith. A little fellow 
 with his first pocket-knife, had it in use most 
 of the time, for several days, occasionally 
 lending it to his playmates, "just to whittle 
 with." One evening, after he had been got 
 ready for the night, and was kneeling by his 
 mother s lap in his night-gown, he finished 
 off the usual service of "Now I lay me," with 
 a "please God give little Jemmy Bailey a 
 knife of his own, so t he won t have to borrow 
 mine all the time." 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 213 
 
 No. 196. A Good Lesson for Mothers. 
 A bright-eyed, active little fellow, who in due 
 time made his way up to the desk, used to 
 beset his mother, in season and out of season, 
 for a coat like his elder brothers, with pockets 
 behind. To all his importunities, the reply 
 was " Don t be in a hurry ; you are a little 
 boy, little boys don t \vear such coats. 
 When you get to be a man, you shall have 
 a coat with pockets behind." After awhile 
 the boy had to go to the springs for his health ; 
 but he shuddered and shrank away from the 
 cold bath. "Why, Charley, you are a man 
 you shouldn t be afraid." 
 
 " O yes, I understand," was the reply ; 
 "when I want pockets behind, I am only a 
 little boy ; and now that you want me to 
 go in here now , I am a man." 
 
 No. 197. Funeral Ceremonies. The 
 San Francisco correspondent of a Sacramento 
 
214 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 paper tells the following : " A little friend of 
 ours found among the gifts of Santa Claus 
 a plump little waxen-doll. She christened it 
 Maud, and used to take it out for a walk, 
 every pleasant morning. The other day, on 
 seeing a rag of orange-colored merino pinned 
 to a stick by the nursery-door, I peeped in 
 at the children, but was immediately served 
 with notice to quit, by Bobby, who seemed 
 to be the doctor, or a health committee-man ; 
 for f Maud was tooken dreadful bad with the 
 small-pox, and the yeller flag was hung 
 out didn t I see it? Soon after this, I 
 heard a piteous wailing, with a sad attempt, 
 and a sadder failure, to sing the sabbath- 
 school hymn, Sister thou wast Mild and 
 Lovely, after which there was a little, crooked, 
 undulating procession, Bobby carrying the 
 dog and Floy the cat, wrapped in shawls, 
 and as they slowly made their way up the 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 215 
 
 hill, into the garden, I understood, from the 
 dismal moaning and sobbing, and from the 
 melancholy rags they bore, that the under 
 takers were performing a funeral, poor 
 Maud having died of the terrible visitation. 
 I hurried up to the grave, in what I dare 
 say passed for unseemly haste, but just in 
 time to save the poor little wax baby from 
 being buried alive, or, at least, in all her 
 bewitching helplessness. Upon remonstra 
 ting, We d ony sowed her up in a bag/ 
 murmured Floy, ? and we would have un- 
 digged her." 3 
 
 No. 198. Glimpses of the sabbath-school. 
 "Gerty, my dear, you were a very good 
 little girl to-day," said the teacher. " Yes m 
 I couldn t help bein good ; I got a tifF 
 neck," said Gerty, with perfect seriousness. 
 
 " Whos that a-bearin ?" Tht solemnity 
 of a fashionable church in Chicago was 
 
216 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 greatly disturbed, not long ago, by a little 
 incident worth remembering. Somebody s 
 three-year-old pet had been often amused at 
 home with pretty good imitations of a bear, 
 growling over his prey. While the congre 
 gation were singing, one of those predeter 
 mined, zealous worshippers, to be found 
 everywhere, who cannot be persuaded to 
 withhold their contributions in church, though 
 they never dream of pitching a tune anywhere 
 else, began a low, growling accompaniment, 
 within two or three pews of the child, without 
 regard for time or tune, though evidently to 
 his own satisfaction, under an idea that he 
 was singing base instead of basely. The 
 little one looked surprised, and turning sud 
 denly to mamma, asked, in a voice loud 
 enough to be heard by the whole congrega 
 tion, just as a lull occurred in the stanza, 
 r O mamma ! mamma ! who s that a-bearin f " 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 217 
 
 Will nobody take the hint? Let us have 
 congregational singing by all means, instead 
 of oratorios and operas, for church music 
 but no menagerie music, if you please. 
 
 No. 199. A Plea in Bar. "Come up 
 here, you young reprobate, and take a sound 
 spanking," said the teacher, out of all pa 
 tience with a mischievous, quick-witted boy. 
 
 " You ain t got no right to spank me, and 
 the copy you ve set for me says so." 
 
 "Saucebox! Let me hear you read that 
 copy ; read it aloud, so that everybody can 
 hear you." 
 
 Whereupon the boy reads, like a trumpet, 
 : "Let all the ends thou aimest at be thy 
 country s ! " 
 
 " Go to your seat, you young scapegrace." 
 
 And he went. 
 
 No. 200. Foresight. "Two cocoa-nuts 
 for ten cents ! hurrah ! " shouted a little shaver 
 
218 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 to his playfellow across the street; "that ll 
 make me sick to-morrow, and I shan t have 
 to go to school hurrah I " 
 
 No. 201. / -wouldrft) would -you? A 
 three-year-old youngster saw a drunken fel 
 low staggering through a crowded thorough 
 fare. "Mother," said he, "did God make 
 that man?" "Yes, my dear." "Well," after 
 considering a moment, "maybe He did, but 
 I wouldn t have done it." 
 
 No. 202. A drop of Gold. " Mother," 
 said a little poet of four summers, "just hear 
 the trees makin music, for the leaves to dance 
 by." 
 
 No. 203. Another! A little fellow was 
 eating bread and milk, when he turned round 
 to his mother and exclaimed, " O mother ! 
 I m full of glory ! There was a lot o sun 
 shine in my spoon, and I swallowed it ! " 
 
 No. 204. Suggestive. "She said she 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 219 
 
 wouldn t let me go to her funeral, grandma ; 
 but you ll let me go to yours, grandma, 
 won t you there s a dear." 
 
 No. 205, Logical Inference. A little 
 boy of our neighborhood, with an eye as 
 clear as a kitten s, had a dog named Caper. 
 Dining with his grandmother not long ago, 
 when they had boiled mutton, his attention 
 was attracted by something he saw in the 
 butter-boat. "What s them, gam ma?" said 
 he. " Capers, my dear." He looked puz 
 zled grew thoughtful and watched the 
 plates awhile, and then, having made up his 
 mind, he came out with, "Please, gam ma, 
 I want some more o them little dogs." Of 
 course he had them. 
 
 No. 206. Classification. "Who makes 
 the laws of our government ? " asked a com 
 mittee-man of the class under review a 
 class of Lilliputians. " Congress." " And 
 
22O Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 how is Congress divided?" A dead silence. 
 At last a dear little thing, not more than so 
 high, with a wonderful memory, threw up 
 her hand, thereby signifying that she was 
 ready to answer it. "Well," said the teacher, 
 "what say you, Sallie? How are they di 
 vided?" "Into civilized, half-civilized, and 
 savage," was the triumphant reply. If it be 
 true, that the greater the truth the greater 
 the libel, might not Miss Sallie be indicted? 
 Congressional miscreants are getting so plen 
 tiful, just now, that children should be cau 
 tioned or tongue-tied. 
 
 No. 207. Funny. "There now!" said 
 a little bit of a thing, while rummaging a 
 drawer in a bureau, and turning the con 
 tents all topsy-turvy, of course ; " there now I 
 gran pa has gone to heaven without his spec 
 tacles. Won t you take em with you, gram 
 ma, when you go?" 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 221 
 
 No. 208. A Natural Bonesetter. A little 
 fellow pitched head foremost from the top of 
 a coal-bin, and put his shoulder out. A 
 surgeon was sent for "about the quickest." No 
 sooner had the messenger turned his back, 
 than the boy went to work anew, notwith 
 standing the pain, and while climbing over 
 the back of a chair, as if it were a ladder, 
 he got another tumble, which frightened his 
 poor mother so that she hadn t strength 
 enough to scream. But lo ! up jumped the 
 young scapegrace, and began surveying his 
 arm, and shouting, "It s all right, mother! 
 it s all right ! " And so it proved. The dis 
 location had been reduced with a snap, the 
 joint was back in its place, and the young 
 gentleman was ready for another demonstra 
 tion. 
 
 No. 209. No you don t! Freddy, be 
 tween three and four, and Willie, about five, 
 
222 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 were both extravagantly fond of milk, and al 
 ways had a mug of the best, to top off with, at 
 supper ; but, being in the country the other day, 
 they happened, for the first time in their lives, 
 to see a girl milking. "There now, Willie," 
 said the youngest, "you see that, don t you? 
 I don t want any more milk after the cow s 
 had it," averting his eyes from the operation 
 as he spoke, with an expression of downright 
 loathing. At supper, when their little mugs 
 of milk were got ready for them, both refused 
 to touch them. On being questioned, Freddy 
 contented himself with saying that, for his 
 part, he didn t want any milk after the cows 
 had it and there he stopped, as if un 
 willing to go farther. But Willie came out 
 plump, with an account of the discovery made 
 in the morning. 
 
 Their mother saw that she had no time to 
 lose ; otherwise an unconquerable repug- 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 223 
 
 nance might be associated with their fondness 
 for a wholesome diet, and so she told them 
 how milk was made : that they did not have 
 it from the cows at second-hand, but that 
 when cows ate grass, and clean vegetables, 
 and fruit, they were all changed into milk 
 by a wonderful chemical process, like that 
 which turns all our food to nourishment, 
 giving us flesh and blood, bones and muscle, 
 according to our growth. Willie seemed sat 
 isfied with the explanation, and went back 
 to the little mug ; but Freddy was not to be 
 persuaded. 
 
 After supper Willie took his brother aside 
 into a corner, and was overheard expostula 
 ting with him, and saying, ff lt s all right now, 
 Freddy, and you can go on drinking your 
 milk, just as you always have. The cow eats 
 grass, and that s what makes it. Now if the 
 cow didn t eat the grass, you d have to, you 
 see. That s what the cow s for." 
 
224 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 Freddy went back to his milk without 
 another word, as being, at the worst, some 
 what more agreeable than eating grass. 
 
 No. 210. Little Pitchers have Big Ears. 
 A child, the son of a minister, sat on the 
 floor playing with his blocks one afternoon, 
 when two or three female parishioners dropped 
 in for a dish of chat with mamma. The con 
 versation, after a few moments, turned, very 
 naturally, it may be supposed, on a float 
 ing scandal of the day. They had entirely 
 forgotten the child ; but all at once recollected 
 themselves, and came to a sudden stop, and, 
 looking at each other, tried to recall what 
 had been said. 
 
 There sat the little imp, busy with his play 
 things, and, as it appeared upon further 
 inquiry, after the visitors had gone, without 
 having understood a syllable of what had 
 been said ; but the lively chattering stopped 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 225 
 
 so suddenly, he looked up, and then, turning 
 over and rolling on the floor, as if unable to 
 restrain himself, he sung out, " Go on ! go 
 right on ! that s jess sech as I like to hear, 
 every day ! " 
 
 No. 211. A Hint for the Doctor. A 
 little four-year-old midget being in a bad 
 way, was called upon to take a very nauseous 
 medicine, and was sitting in a high chair, 
 in her night-dress, when the cup was 
 offered her. She shook her head with a 
 piteous look, and then said, "No no me 
 tan t tate it so ; but me ll tate it with soogar," 
 and sent off the nurse for a lump. Where 
 upon her little brother rushed up to her, 
 shouting, " Take it, Sallie ! take it, while she s 
 gone, Sallie, and cheat her ! and then hide, 
 Sallie that s the way I do." And there 
 upon Miss Sallie gulped down the abom 
 inable mixture to the last dregs, without 
 
 15 
 
226 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 winking, only saying, "It choke Sallie," and 
 then scrabbling clown from the high chair, 
 and scuttling away under the bed, with an 
 occasional chuckle, and popping out her little 
 curly head, her eyes dancing with joy, while 
 waiting for the nurse to get back. When 
 she appeared, she was welcomed with a shout 
 of triumph by the youthful conspirators, Miss 
 Sallie never dreaming for a moment that she 
 had been bamboozled. 
 
 No. 212. The best of Reasons. "Break 
 fasting with 4 physician the other day," says 
 somebody, whose name does not appear in 
 the record, "little Julia began to talk very 
 earnestly, at the first pause in the conversa 
 tion. Her father checked her, somewhat 
 sharply, saying, p Why is it that you always 
 talk so much ? Tause I ve dot somesin to 
 say, was the reply. The solemn papa was 
 obliged to look another way, while the guests 
 laughed outright." 
 
Pickings. and Stealings. 227 
 
 No. 213. Discouraging. A little boy 
 named Knight, of the mission-school at New- 
 London, was told by the teachers, one and all, 
 that if he was good, he. would go to heaven. 
 The little fellow accepted the situation, and 
 evidently did his best ; but the next time he 
 appeared in his place, he seemed down 
 hearted. On being questioned by his teacher 
 about the cause, and asked if he had been a 
 good boy, he replied, "Yes IVe tried ever 
 so hard to be good ; but it s no use. The boys 
 tell me I can t go to heaven, if I am ever so 
 good." "And why not, pray?" "Because 
 they tell me the Bible says there ll be no 
 Knight there." 
 
 No. 214. Hozv to fix it. Master Willie, 
 a very good boy, as boys go, happened to 
 begin going to school, just when the first snow 
 fell, and a pretty new sled, with scarlet run 
 ners, had become his property. About school- 
 
228 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 time, therefore, he began to have such terrible 
 aches. But these would soon pass off, and 
 then he would go off to slide. One morning 
 he came to his mamma with a drefful head 
 ache and school had to be given up. "Very 
 well, my dear," said she; "if you have such 
 a terrible headache, you can stay at home this 
 beautiful morning ; but remember, you mustn t 
 ask leave to go and slide, for I shall not con 
 sent I tell you now." "Yes, mamma." But 
 within the next half hour Willie came to her, 
 saying his drefful headache was all gone, and 
 would she let him go just this once. "No, 
 Willie you know what I said you wouldn t 
 have me tell a lie, would you? " 
 
 Willie turned away somewhat discouraged ; 
 but after a few moments his little face bright 
 ened up, as with inward sunshine, and he stole 
 up to his mother s knee, and whispered, 
 "No, mother ! No, no! I don t want you to 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 229 
 
 tell a lie ; but couldn t you just fix it, you 
 see, as you do when you put me to bed, and 
 say you are not going out, and then go ? " 
 
 No. 215. Excuse my Candor. " What a 
 fine head your little boy has ! " said a propitia 
 tory friend a phrenologist, perhaps to a 
 doating father. "Ay, ay," said the delighted 
 papa; "ay, ay, he s a chip of the old block, 
 ain t you, sonny?" "I guess so," said the 
 boy, " for teacher says I m a little block 
 head." 
 
 No. 216. One of the Uffer Ten. "Ma," 
 said a little moppet, " if I should die and go to 
 heaven, would I wear my moire antique ? " 
 "No, darling, \ve cannot suppose we shall 
 carry the fashions of this world into the next." 
 "Then, Ma, how would the little angels know 
 I belonged to the best society? " 
 
 No . 217. Catch ing th e Idea . A little 
 chap, on his return from church, one day, 
 
230 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 where he heard an organ for the first time in 
 his life, said to his mother, "O, mammy, 
 how I do wish you had been at church to-day, 
 to see the fun. There was a man there pump 
 ing music out of an old cupboard." 
 
 No. 218. Rather embarrassing. A young 
 lady all women are ladies, you know 
 wishing to impress upon her class in the 
 sabbath-school the terrible effect of Nebuchad 
 nezzar s punishment, assured them that for 
 seven long years he ate grass like a cow. Up 
 jumped a little boy with, "Please, ma am, did 
 he give milk ? " It is said the answer was not 
 forthcoming. 
 
 No. 219. Total Depravity again. "O 
 sister ! sister ! " said little Mattie, " if you 
 would only let me swear once only just 
 once 1 " her heart being too full for utterance. 
 
 No. 220. A timely Suggestion. Mamma 
 was telling Master Freddy about the sacrifice, 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 23 1. 
 
 or intended sacrifice, of Isaac, and explaining 
 the illustration which appeared in the old fam 
 ily Bible. There lay the boy, bound hand 
 and foot, on the altar, with the faggots heaped 
 about him, and the great sacrificial knife just 
 ready to descend, and almost touching the 
 nose of the ram. She was explaining, to the 
 best of her knowledge and belief, the necessity 
 of the sacrifice, and the providential appear 
 ance of the substitute, when Freddy, whose 
 feelings had been worked up to concert pitch, 
 exclaimed, " Sheepy, sheepy ! why don t you 
 grab the knife, and run?" 
 
 No. 221. Tenderness of Conscience. 
 "Dad I say, dad Nathan swored last first- 
 day, I heard him," said the little son of Master 
 Blair, a Scotch Quaker, I once knew. "Ah 
 an what deed he say, mon?" "He said 
 Old Scratch, an I heard him." 
 
 No . 222. Beau tiful exceedingly ! A 
 
232 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 little one was talking about home. "And 
 where is your home, dear?" said a listener. 
 Looking up into his mother s face with lov 
 ing eyes, he whispered, " Where mother is" 
 
 No. 223. An embryo Metaphysician. 
 "What are you going to see, Sherwood? " 
 
 "Nothing, gran pa." 
 
 "Nothing, my boy how can you see 
 nothing ? " 
 
 "Easy enough, gran pa." 
 
 "Where would you look for it?" 
 
 " Down a well, gran pa." 
 
 " Isn t there something burning here ? " said 
 the mother of this boy one day, on coming 
 into the room where he was at play, and 
 sniffing as she spoke. 
 
 "Yes, mamma," sniffing in reply. 
 
 "Bless me what is it?" 
 
 " Coal, mamma." 
 
 No. 224. Influence of Example. The 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 233 
 
 little son of a friend in the army, had learned 
 to curse heartily, whenever anything disturbed 
 him ; his father, of whom he had caught 
 the trick, was ordered off, not long ago, to a 
 distant part of the country. Being separated 
 from his boy, and having had time for reflec 
 tion, perhaps, he wrote home to his wife that 
 he was sorry to hear how little Joe still con 
 tinued to curse and swear. "Who told him? " 
 said the boy. " He says a little bird told 
 him," was the mother s reply. "D n that 
 bird ! " exclaimed the little scapegrace. He 
 was only six. While yet a baby, but just 
 able to make himself understood, an Irish 
 girl came rushing in to the mother one day, 
 saying, " O ma am ! he keeps a-sayin Jesus 
 Christ, in the barn!" 
 
 No. 225. Retribution. "Tell you what 
 tis, I won t pray for you when I say my 
 prayers, Willie," said a little thing to her 
 
234 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 playfellow in the next house ; " and Jesus 
 won t bless you, and" after a little hesita 
 tion " and He shan t redeem you, neither ! " 
 
 No. 226. A young Poet. A little four- 
 year-old, laboring to impress a sister with 
 the prodigious quantity of something he had 
 promised to give her, said, "You just turn 
 the sky over and I ll fill it full chock-full." 
 
 No. 227. Literalness. "/know!" said 
 a little boy to whom his mother was reading 
 -that passage where the Lord is said to be 
 walking in the garden in the cool of the day ; 
 " I know ! Just as papa does, with his hands 
 behind him, and an old coat on." 
 
 No. 228. Letting the delicious Secret out. 
 Soon after his mother s second marriage, a 
 little shaver reached out his hand for another 
 piece of sponge-cake. Step-father shakes his 
 head, and says JVb 9 after a fashion that seems 
 to admit of no appeal. "Well," says the 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 235 
 
 boy, " I don t care only we re sorry we ever 
 married you;" and then, as if concentrating 
 all the bitterness he felt, in a withering out 
 burst, he added, "And mother says so too!" 
 
 No. 229. Their Notions of another World. 
 " Well then," said a little girl, throwing down 
 her book, " I don t want to die and go to 
 heaven that way ; but if God would just let 
 down a big basket, and draw me up with a 
 rope, I do think I should like it." 
 
 No. 2.30. Another little girl, after being 
 made to understand what a fost mortem 
 examination was, declared that she would 
 never consent to be so dealt with, after death. 
 
 " What ! when it would be such a help to 
 the living, my dear?" 
 
 " Fiddle-de-dee ! how would I look going 
 to heaven all cut to pieces?" 
 
 No. 231. Another. Lottie, lying sick 
 with a fever, having lost a dear little cousin 
 
236 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 not long before, was unwilling to take her 
 medicine, till she was promised a pair of ear 
 rings. By and by, when she was believed 
 to be sound asleep, her mother was suddenly 
 startled by a burst of loud laughter. Being 
 asked what was the matter, Lottie said, " O, it 
 tickles me so to think how cousin Hiram -will 
 laugh, when he sees me come trottin into 
 heaven with my new ear-rings ! " 
 
 No. 232. A Justification. "Golly! 
 Gosh ! Gracious ! " shouted a funny little 
 chap, at something he saw. 
 
 "Why, Bobby," said his mother, "where 
 did you pick up such words ? " 
 
 " O, I ve heard you say Gracious, mamma, 
 and the golly-gosh I just made up myself," 
 was the reply. 
 
 One day this dear mother, who had expos 
 tulated and pleaded with him till she had no 
 patience left, said she could bear with him 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 237 
 
 no longer; she wouldn t have a little boy 
 round her that used such language ; and so 
 she would have to put him away, and try to 
 find another little son. In the bitterness and 
 desolation of his heart, Master Bobby went 
 out into the yard, and sat down on the grass 
 to have a good cry by himself; whereupon 
 a little bantam rooster, not understanding the 
 case, flew up on the fence, and fell a-crowing 
 like all possessed. " Shut up, darn you ! " 
 blubbered Bobby, through his big dropping 
 tears ; " I ve trouble enough on my mind, 
 without you ! " He had just promised never 
 to use that, nor any other naughty word again, 
 while he breathed the breath of life. 
 
 And for a time he kept his promise. But 
 one day, just when they began to feel greatly 
 encouraged, he burst into the room with, 
 "Oh, mother! what do you think? I was 
 coming through the field just now, and a 
 
238 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 horse was tied there the wickedest horse 
 ever you did see ; an he jist stood still there, 
 and kept sayin By golly ! and By gosh ! 
 and Dod darn you ! and everything else he 
 could think of. If you d a been there, you d 
 a-whipped him, oh, ever so hard, mamma ! 
 wouldn t you? And so would I, if I d had 
 a whip." His mind was relieved. 
 
 No. 233. Fishing and Mousing. " Some 
 years ago," says the New England Corres 
 pondent of I forget what paper, " my cousin 
 kept a district school. Among her scholars 
 was a little fellow of perhaps four years of 
 age, but too young to speak plainly. One day, 
 when all the others were hard at work, this 
 youngster got hold of a pin and a string. 
 The pin he bent into the shape of a fish-hook, 
 baiting it with a morsel of cheese. He had 
 seen a mouse come up through a hole in the 
 corner of the hearth, not long before, and 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 239 
 
 went to work bobbing for whales. On 
 being asked what he was at, he answered, 
 Fishin for a mousie. This being rather 
 out of the usual course of study, the teacher, 
 by way of punishment, ordered him to stay 
 where he was, and keep bobbing, till further 
 orders. After a while, there was a commo 
 tion ; the mouse, it seemed, had swallowed 
 the cheese, hook and all, and the next mo 
 ment Master Jerry, giving a sudden jerk, 
 sprang into the middle of the room, and 
 swinging the mouse round his head, shouted, 
 I ve dut im ! I thware I ve dut im ! " 
 
 No. 234. Sunday-school Conundrums. 
 A smart little chap, with a wicked eye, on 
 being asked what was the chief end of man, 
 replied, "The end what s got the head on." 
 
 No. 235. Inferential. "Oh, mamma! 
 mamma ! " shouted a little shaver, as he saw 
 the sun going down, all red, like the opening 
 
240 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 to a furnace-fire, " see how hot the sky is 
 over there ! Santa Glaus is bakin , I guess." 
 
 Another of these natural philosophers, in 
 petticoats, on hearing a man dump coal into 
 the bin with a terrible rumbling, shouted, 
 " Oh, mother ! now I know what makes thun 
 der. It is God puttin coal on." 
 
 No. 236. Coming to the Point. " Tilly, 
 my love," said a young mother to a daughter 
 in her fourth summer, "what would you do 
 without your mother?" 
 
 "I should put on every day just such a 
 dress as I wanted to," said Tilly, coquetting 
 with her little fan. 
 
 No. 237. Second Thoughts. " O papa, 
 is it wrong to change your mind?" "Well, 
 no, my boy that depends upon circum 
 stances ; but why do you ask ? " " You know 
 I wanted to be a doctor, papa," said the little 
 five-year-old. "O yes, I remember ; and what 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 241 
 
 then? " "Well, if you please, papa, I d rather 
 be a candy-store." 
 
 No. 238. Special Pleading. "A friend 
 at Lewiston," says one of our newspapers, 
 "told his little Josey, about six years of age, 
 not to go out of the gate again without leave. 
 Soon after, papa missed him from the back 
 yard, and saw him a long way off, tumbling 
 about on the sidewalk. He went after him, and 
 taking him by the hand, leading him toward 
 the house, and considering the question of 
 punishment for such disobedience, he asked 
 him why he left the } ard, when he had been 
 told not to do so. Well, you see, papa, 
 you told me not to go out o the gate ; but 
 you didn t tell me not to climb over the fence. " 
 Demurrer sustained. Plea adjudged good, 
 and no respondeas ouster allowed. 
 
 No. 239. And why not? " Lottie," said 
 a little visitor, "what makes your Kitty so 
 16 
 
242 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 cross?" "Oh, tause she s tuttin her teef, I 
 spec." 
 
 No. 240. Vagabondizing. Two Illinois 
 chaps, one twelve, and the other only 
 eight, left their homes not long ago to see 
 the world, or seek their fortunes, without 
 money or friends, and journeyed away off 
 into Iowa, three hundred miles or so. The 
 father of one, after snuffing about for two 
 or three days, got upon their track, and 
 followed them to Rock-Grove, Iowa, where 
 he found them pretty well used up, though 
 far from being sick of their bargain. They 
 had no explanations to give no excuses to 
 offer but, so far as could be discovered, 
 had no reason for leaving their homes, or 
 running away ; and they had actually trav 
 elled the whole distance, on railroads and 
 stages, without money and without price. 
 
 No. 241 . Strange if true. w Harry ! 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 243 
 
 you shouldn t throw away nice bread like 
 that; you may want it .yourself before you 
 die." "Well, mother, and if I should, would I 
 stand any better chance of getting it then, 
 if I should eat it now ? " 
 
 No. 242. Am / dead, Pafa? Many a 
 child has propounded that same question, with 
 all seriousness, after a narrow escape. The 
 first words of a little boy who had just been 
 fished up at New London lately, were " Be 
 I dead, though ? " 
 
 No. 243. Enlisted for the War. A 
 little three-year-old, whose father, a clergy 
 man, had presented him with a military cap, 
 all "fuss and feathers," insisted on wearing it 
 everywhere, and at all times, marching 
 through all the rooms, to music of his own, 
 hour after hour, and day after day, until his 
 mother found it worth her while to remind 
 him that soldiers didn t train on the Sabbath. 
 
244 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 Whereupon, our young gentleman started off 
 up stairs, left foot first, with a new tune, 
 compounded of Hail-Columbia and Yankee- 
 Doodle, Mother-Goose and Bobby link, saying, 
 as he held on his way, "But Pm a soldier 
 of the Lord, mamma" 
 
 No. 244. Repeating the Colic. The 
 rector of an Episcopal Church in Albany, 
 who had taken the greatest pains with his 
 sabbath-school, and prided himself not a little 
 on the proficiency of his scholars, called upon 
 them one day, after a whole week of prep 
 aration, to repeat the Collect. A dead silence : 
 then for a show of hands ; not a hand was 
 lifted ; but, on casting his eyes over the little 
 community, he saw a sign of encouragement. 
 "Ah, ha ! " said he, "I see a little hand raised 
 in Miss Annie s class. Please repeat the Collect, 
 my dear." The poor thing seemed bewildered. 
 "If you know the Collect, Fanny," said the 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 245 
 
 teacher, " why don t you repeat it ? " The 
 child blushed and stammered ; but on being 
 further questioned, said, " I thought he wanted 
 all that had the colic to hold up their hands ; 
 and I had it t other night, and father had to 
 stay up, and take care of me." To repeat 
 her colic would be no joke to her, whatever 
 it might be to others, and she was probably 
 excused. 
 
 No. 245. Instinctive Perception. How 
 wonderful that children so rarely misapply 
 uncommon w r ords, even where they do not 
 understand them being their own inter 
 preters. A boy of nearly fourteen, w r as fish 
 ing for trout in a deep, clear brook. A stout, 
 lubberly negro began teasing him, and throw 
 ing mud at him. The boy jumped up, and 
 swinging the fish-pole round his head with 
 all his might, fetched the colored gemman 
 such a wipe with the butt, as to send him 
 
246 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 headlong into the water where he left him 
 floundering and cleared out. When he 
 reached home, on being called upon by his 
 mother for an explanation of his uncomfortable 
 appearance, he told her how it had happened. 
 The mother was indignant : to have her 
 boy so treated by a nigger was too much. 
 " And did you brook the outrage ? " she asked. 
 "No mother," said the boy, catching the idea, 
 though he did not quite understand the word, 
 " no mother, but I brooked the nigger" 
 
 No. 246. A -puzzling Qiiestion: A min 
 ister of the Gospel, while preparing a dis 
 course for the following Sabbath, stopped now 
 and then to review what he had written, to 
 alter and erase here and there. "Father," 
 said a young theologian of about five, just 
 entering upon the ministry, "father, does God 
 tell you what to preach?" "Certainly, my 
 child." "Then what makes you scratch it 
 out?" 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 247 
 
 No. 247. Let Brotherly Love -prevail. 
 Another of like spirit, under five, in his reg 
 ular evening prayer, remembered his younger 
 brother with a sob, who was in a very bad 
 way, after the following fashion : " Oh Lord, 
 don t let my little brother die. Help Dr. S., 
 oh Lord, to make him well though his 
 parents are Democrats." 
 
 No. 248. Baby Champions. In the 
 " Life of Aaron Burr," by Davis, we have a 
 little incident the first which that bad 
 man delighted to recall. An old he-goat, 
 or a ram, I forget which, came at his little 
 grandson, while yet a baby, and threatened 
 him with his horns. The child, having the 
 blood of his grandfather in him, seized 
 a stick, and let him have it with such 
 effect, that the animal sheered off, greatly 
 to the satisfaction of " grumpa," who saw it 
 from the window. And here is another case 
 
248 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 in -pint. A little four-year-old of Mr. 
 Cheney, living in Ashland, N. H., was play 
 ing on the front yard with a younger sister 
 and a pet bantam. A large hawk suddenly 
 swooped down upon the poor thing, fastened 
 his talons upon it, and would have carried it 
 off but for the child, who, seizing a hatchet 
 he had been playing with, fell upon the hawk, 
 and pounded him till he let go his prey, and 
 "skedaddled." 
 
 No. 249. Budding Nature. Matthews 
 used to tell a story about a little boy, who, on 
 seeing the cherubim sculptured in Westminster- 
 Abbey, exclaimed, " O mamma, how I do 
 wish I was a cherubim ! " to the great joy of 
 his mother, who had to spank him oftener 
 than he thought desirable ; but, on being 
 asked wherefore, he said almost sobbing 
 " Cause they ain t got nothin but wings and 
 head," rubbing his behind at the same 
 time, with uncommon energy. 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 249 
 
 "Ah," said another little chap to a play 
 fellow who had just been sorely trounced, 
 "Ah, ha! I guess you hain t got any gran - 
 
 mother ! " 
 
 * 
 
 And again. "Mamma," said anotfSFTfSf 
 tantrybogus, "why are them orphans you talk 
 so much about, and pity so much, the happiest 
 little creatures in the world, arter all?" 
 " They are not, my son ; but why do you 
 ask ? " " Cause they hain t got nobody to 
 wallop em." 
 
 No. 250. A definition of Pride. "What 
 is pride, my dear?" "Walking with a cane, 
 when you ain t lame," said the little four-year- 
 old to whom the query was propounded. 
 
 No. 251. Liberty of Speech. "Chickerin , 
 is meetin out?" said a little fellow, perched 
 upon a high fence, many years ago, to Dr. 
 Chickering, on his way from church. 
 
 No. 252, The same little rogue, who, by 
 
250 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 the way, has gone bravely up since, leaving 
 his own monument behind him as most 
 people do, I believe was crowing pretty 
 loudly one day, when I was going by. " Hol 
 loa there ! " said I, "Holloa ! I can lick you, 
 Sam Fessenden!" 
 
 "Well I ll tell you what you can t do!" 
 said he. 
 
 "What is it?" 
 
 "You can t give me a rockin -horse." 
 
 No. 253. Admirable Definition. At one 
 of the ragged schools of Ireland, a clergy 
 man asked, "What is holiness?" 
 
 A dirty, ragged little wretch jumped up, 
 and sung out, "Plase your riverence, it s bein 
 clane inside." 
 
 No. 254. Another. A boy, eight years 
 old, having been told that a reptile is an ani 
 mal that creeps, and being asked on examina 
 tion-day to name one, answered, without 
 winking, "A baby." 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 251 
 
 No. 255. A Young Butcher. A boy in 
 New York, only five years old, having heard 
 papa say that he wished the two calves they 
 had in the barn were killed, got a hammer, 
 and going to the barn by himself, succeeded 
 in killing them both ; and returned to the 
 house to tell the story to report progress and 
 ask leave to sit again, as we say at Washing 
 ton, after a similar feat. 
 
 No. 256. Flat Contradiction. "What s 
 that?" said a school-master, pointing to the 
 letter X. "It s daddy s name," said the boy. 
 "No, you little blockhead, it s X." "Tain t 
 X, neither," said the boy ; " it s daddy s name, 
 for I seed him write it many a time." 
 
 No. 257. A delicate Scruple. "Oh, 
 mamma! "said a little chap, the other day, 
 who had been listening to her conversation 
 with a neighboring gossip ; " did you say I 
 was born a-Sunday ? " 
 
252 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 "Yes, my child." 
 
 "Ain t I wicked, mamma? " 
 
 "Why, what makes you ask such a ques 
 tion, Bobby?" 
 
 "Well, ain t I a sabbath-breaker, for bein 
 born a-Sunday? But, mamma, I didn t mean 
 to I m sure I didn t." 
 
 No. 258. A desirable Parentage. A 
 crowd of dirty, ragged little creatures were 
 loitering about the large show-window of a 
 confectionery-shop. " O my ! don t I wish he 
 was my father ! " said a little barefooted girl, 
 with her fist in her mouth. Was her sincerity 
 to be doubted? 
 
 No. 259. Not to be mealy-mouthed. 
 " I dare say when you get back to mamma, 
 Charlie, my boy, she ll have a nice present 
 for you. What would you like best, Charlie ? 
 a little brother, or a little sister? " " Well now, 
 Uncle George," after considering awhile, "if 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 253 
 
 it makes no difference to Ma, I d rather have 
 a pony." 
 
 No. 260. High-school Training. "I say, 
 Ma ! do you know what the pyro pyro 
 pyrotechnical remedy is, for a crying baby? " 
 said a little miss of thirteen, with cherry lips 
 and roguish eyes. 
 
 " Gracious goodness me ! no ; I never heard 
 of such a thing." 
 
 " Well, ma it s rock-it! " 
 
 No. 261. School Exercises. "Well, 
 Maggie, what do they do at school? " " They 
 whips me." "And then what do you do?" 
 " I tingle, skeam, and dance." Another group 
 of three were questioned. The oldest said, 
 " He had to get grammar, arithmetic, geogra 
 phy," etc., etc. The second, that he "got 
 readin , spellin , and dtffimtions." " And what 
 do you get my little man? " to Master Jack, 
 who happened just then to be spearing the cat 
 
254 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 with a wooden sword. " Oh, I gets lots I 
 gets readin , and spellin , and spankin ; and 
 then I gets up in the mornin sometimes." 
 
 No. 262. Childish Inferences. "Come 
 now, children, speak up ! What is it that makes 
 the sea, salt?" "Codfish!" screamed a boy 
 from a distant corner of the room ; " Cod 
 fish ! " as if he were crying the article to a 
 Down-East population, Saturday morning. 
 
 No. 263. Great Forbearance. "O, Ma," 
 said a little creature, who had been allowed to 
 stay at communion for the first time, "what do 
 you think ! a man went round with a plateful 
 of money, and offered it to everybody in our 
 pew ; but I didn t take any." 
 
 No. 264. A gentle rebuke for the Earl of- , 
 a pompous and niggardly gentleman, who per 
 sonally superintends the dairy where he lives, 
 and actually sells the milk to the children with 
 his own hands. 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 255 
 
 One morning, a pretty child, standing a-tip- 
 toe, with her pitcher and penny held up, 
 caught the eyes of this nobleman. "Now," 
 said he, "my pretty lass now? patting her 
 on the head, and giving her a kiss "now, 
 you may tell, as long as you live, that you 
 have been kissed by an Earl." 
 
 "O yes but you took the penny, though," 
 said the little witch, innocently enough, I dare 
 say. But what became of the Earl ? Nobody 
 knows. It was a long while ago. 
 
 No. 265. Where do all the Cooks go f 
 A capital housekeeper having discharged her 
 cook with emphasis, exclaimed, "Well, thank 
 heaven ! there are no cooks in the other 
 world." Which other world did she mean, 
 think you? Her little girl seemed puzzled; 
 but, after thinking awhile, said, : Well, 
 mamma, then who cooks wash-days? for you 
 know they must have a big wash, as they 
 always wear white." 
 
256 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 266. More Sabbath-school Exercises. 
 "Where was John Rogers burned? tell 
 me now," said a teacher, in a voice that filled 
 the room, and startled the listeners at the door. 
 "Couldn t tell," said the first. No answer 
 from the next. "Joshua knows," whispered 
 a little thing at the head of her class. "Well, 
 then, if Joshua knows, he may tell," said 
 the teacher. " In the fire," shouted Joshua, 
 with a look of imperturbable self-complacency. 
 
 No. 267. Just as the twig is bent, etc., etc. 
 A little shaver, living in Walcott, Maine, 
 aged only five years, having well considered 
 the subject of earning his bread, went to a 
 farmer and offered his services. He was put 
 to raking hay, and persevered as long as the 
 rest, and went home to his happy mother in 
 the evening, with a silver dollar in his pocket. 
 And where did he get it? some lazy little 
 Jackanapes will ask, I dare say. Go to your 
 mother, child. 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 257 
 
 No. 268. Them s my Sentiments. A six- 
 year-old boy was set to work upon what is 
 called a " composition," all about water. He 
 wrote as follows: "Water is good to drink. 
 Water is good to paddle in and swim in, and to 
 skate on when it grows hard in winter. When 
 I was a little wee baby, nurse used to wash 
 me every morning in cold water ugh I I 
 have heard tell the Injuns only wash them 
 selves once in ten years. I wish I was an 
 Injun." 
 
 No. 269. Arithmetic made easy. "Peter 
 I say, Peter ! what are you doing with that 
 boy?" "Helping him in rethmetic, sir." 
 " How helping him ? " " He wanted to know if 
 I took ten from seventeen, how many would be 
 left ; and so I took ten of his apples to show 
 him, an now he wants em back." 
 
 "And why don t you give em back, hey? " 
 
 " Cause I want him to remember how many 
 was left." i? 
 
258 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 270. Scripture and Poetry. While 
 a poor mother was moaning over her wretch 
 edness and helplessness, fearing that she would 
 have to go to the workhouse, her little boy 
 looked up from his pile of blocks in the 
 chimney-corner, and murmured, "Mamma, 
 I think God hears, when we scrape the bottom 
 of the barrel." 
 
 No. 271. A glorious Boy. The play 
 mates of a small boy were trying to persuade 
 him to take a handful or two of cool, ripe 
 cherries, from a tree overhanging the stone 
 wall, where they were sitting together in the 
 hot sunshine. 
 
 " What are you afeard of? " said the largest, 
 " for if your father should find it out, he is so 
 kind, he wouldn t punish you." 
 
 " That s the very reason why I wouldn t 
 touch em," said the dear little fellow, in reply. 
 
 No. 272. Physics and Metaphysics. An 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 259 
 
 amiable professor, in France, was laboring to 
 explain that theory, according to which the 
 body is entirely renewed every six years, giv 
 ing for illustration the experiment made with a 
 pig, by feeding it on madder till its bones were 
 colored through and through, and other cases. 
 " And so, mam selle," said he, addressing a 
 pretty little blonde with a roguish face, "in six 
 years you will be no longer Mademoiselle 
 F ." 
 
 "I hope so," murmured Mam selle F., cast 
 ing down her eyes, and peering up at him 
 through her long lashes. Evidently she 
 had somewhat misunderstood her teacher. 
 
 No. 273. Too good to be true. A little 
 boy having broken his rocking-horse the very 
 day it was brought home, his mother began 
 scolding him. "Why, mamma," said he, 
 with a mischievous giggle, as if he understood 
 the joke, and meant it, "What s the use of a 
 horse afore he s broke?" 
 
260 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 274. True^ beyond all question. 
 Said somebody to a little moppet, as she sat 
 on the door-step playing with her kitten and 
 her doll, "Which do you love best, darling, 
 your kitten or your doll ? " 
 
 After looking serious for a minute or two, 
 she leaned over and whispered, " I love Kitty 
 best, but please don t tell Dolly." 
 
 No. 275. A slight Misapprehension. 
 Three little negroes were lately baptized by 
 our friend, Mr. C., of the new Protestant 
 Cathedral. After the ceremony was over, one 
 of them whispered to its mother, " You don t 
 mind it, mamma, do you, cause he baptized 
 us in his night-gown ? " 
 
 No. 276. A Natural Curiosity. A dear 
 little six-year-old was going by a church with 
 her father. "What house is that?" asked 
 the child. "That is the Dutch Church," 
 said papa ; " people go there to be good, so 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 261 
 
 that, after a while, they may be angels." 
 " Hi ! then there ll be Dutch angels, papa \ " 
 
 No. 277. Much to the Point. A sab 
 bath-school teacher had been reading to her 
 class the beautiful story of Ruth with a 
 running accompaniment. Wishing to call 
 their attention to the kindness of the princely 
 husbandman, in ordering the reapers to drop 
 here and there a handful of wheat, she said, 
 " Now, children, Boaz did another nice thing 
 for poor Ruth : can you tell me what it was ? " 
 "To be sure I can," said a little fellow, a 
 long way off; " he married her" 
 
 No. 278. A new Currency. Our Sallie, 
 a pleasant, active, sprightly little thing, just 
 old enough to make herself understood, partly 
 by pantomime and partly by lisping, came 
 in all of a glow, saying, 
 
 "O mamma! mamma! Me jess buyed a 
 itte paper-doll." 
 
262 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 " Indeed ! and where did you buy it? " 
 
 "O, jess down here, in a defful big store; 
 me toot a ittle dirl in me s hand." 
 
 "And where did you get your money to 
 pay for it?" 
 
 "O, me didn t buy it for money, mamma 
 me jess gived the gemman a fower to pay 
 for it." 
 
 And sure enough ! Upon further inquiry, 
 it turned out that the little midget had entered 
 a large store, made her way into the back 
 part one of the largest establishments in 
 Brooklyn, by the way and seeing some 
 paper-dolls in hand, wanted to buy one ; 
 but having no money, offered a flower she 
 had just gathered on the way, which the 
 shopman received with all seriousness, re 
 garding it as a lawful tender. 
 
 No. 279. A new handle for Pussy. 
 Little three - year - old Mary was playing 
 roughly with her pet kitten. After pulling 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 263 
 
 its ears, she began carrying it by the tail. 
 " Baby, dear," said her mother, " you hurt 
 pussy." "No I don t, mamma cause I m 
 carry in it by the handle." 
 
 No. 280. A new Puzzle. A pretty little 
 thing under five, on being questioned by her 
 mother about her Bible lesson, was asked, 
 among other matters, why the Lord wouldn t 
 let Adam and his wife eat of the forbidden 
 fruit; and answered, that she "didn t know 
 for certain, but rather thought, maybe He 
 wanted to can it for his own use." 
 
 No. 281. More Logic. In our Putnam 
 for October, there are two charming little 
 manifestations of boyish character and boyish 
 reasoning. A chap of only five, soon after 
 the fire at Barnum s Museum, which he had 
 investigated, was very anxious to know if 
 there really were any such creatures as 
 devils, "with horns, hoofs, bats -wings and 
 
264 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 eagles claws " he had just been looking at 
 an illustrated Pilgrim s Progress. Mamma 
 tried to put him off, but in vain. At last, he 
 broke out with, "Well I don t believe there 
 is any, for Barnum would be sure to have 
 one." And then, after another glance at the 
 illustration, he added, " How funny he would 
 look in a cage, with his horns and tail ! " 
 
 The same little fellow hid his face in his 
 mother s lap one day, while it thundered. 
 To soothe him, his mother explained the phe 
 nomena of thunder and lightning. A lull 
 followed, and he ran off to play in a distant 
 corner of the room. Then followed another 
 burst, louder than usual. Back he ran to 
 his mother, exclaiming, " I don t see what 
 fun tis for God to go thunderin round so ! " 
 Of course hot. 
 
 No. 282. Natural History. According 
 to Peter Pindar, Sir Joseph Banks fleas were 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 265 
 
 lobsters till he boiled them, when "d d a 
 one turned red ; " whereat he exclaimed, ac 
 cording to the same authority, who, in his 
 own mortal extremity, if Byron may be 
 credited, 
 
 " Supprest 
 
 With a death-bed sensation a blasphemous jest," 
 
 "Fleas are not lobsters d n their souls ! " 
 But another question has lately come up. 
 A little girl, of the Buffalo tribe, wants to 
 know if fleas are white; "cauth untie teld her 
 that Mary had a little lamb with jleas as 
 white as snow." 
 
 Another. A charity scholar perhaps 
 one of the Ragged School on being asked, 
 after an examination in the Psalms, "What 
 was the Pestilence that walketh in darkness?" 
 answered, "Bed bugth, thir !" Not so much 
 out of the way, after all; since fleas only 
 hof in darkness. 
 
266 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 No. 283. Cross-examination. Says a 
 neighbor, " Wife was undressing a little four- 
 year-old Charley the other evening. After 
 he was set free, he began to feel of his fat, 
 chubby arms, with manifest self-complacency ; 
 and looking up into his mother s face, he said, 
 Mamma, who made me ? 
 
 The Good Man away up in the sky, " 
 said mamma. 
 
 "Whereupon Charley grew thoughtful, and 
 after looking up through the tree-tops into 
 the clear blue starlit sky for a few minutes, 
 added, But, mamma, who took me down? 
 
 No. 284. A Broad Hint. There was an 
 aged country clergyman, who found so little 
 time for study, that when fairly at work, he 
 wouldn t allow his grandchildren to romp in 
 the passage, or play hide-and-seek, or leap 
 frog in the study the monster ! 
 
 " Ma," said one of these little fellows, who 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 267 
 
 had been snubbed for riotous behavior one 
 day, "I say, Ma," she had just been tell 
 ing him about heaven "I say, Ma, I don t 
 want to go to heaven." " Don t want to go 
 to heavenj Georgie ! " "No, Ma, I m sure I 
 don t." "And why not?" "Why, gran pa 
 will be there, won t he?" "Why yes I 
 hope so." "Well jest as soon as he sees 
 us, he ll come scoldin along, and say, 
 Whew whew whew I What are these 
 boys here for?" 
 
 No. 285. Patronage. "I say, dad 
 have you ben to the Museum yet?" said a 
 young American of ten. "No, my son." 
 " Well, jest you go, and mention my name to 
 the door-keeper, an he ll take you round and 
 show you everything." 
 
 No. 286. Childish Cunning. "A child 
 who is good at excuses is seldom good for 
 anything else," quoth Franklin. A naughty 
 
268 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 little chap, says a cotemporary , went blub 
 bering into the backyard, because his mother 
 wouldn t allow him to go down to the river 
 on the Sabbath. On being further remon 
 strated with, he said, "But, mamm a, I didn t 
 w r ant to go in a-swimmin with em ; I only 
 wanted to go down an see the bad little boys 
 drown, for goin in a-swimmin on a Sunday 
 boo-hoo, boo-hoo ! " 
 
 No. 287. Childish Trust. The following 
 illustration of the passage, "Whosoever shall 
 not receive the Kingdom of God as a little 
 child, he shall not enter therein," will. I 
 am sure, be thankfully received. 
 
 As the train stopped, a gentleman who had 
 been seriously engaged in conversation with 
 another, who had a little boy with him, said 
 to the child, after bidding the father farewell 
 " Good-by, Charley ; take care of yourself." 
 
 "My father will take care of me," said the 
 boy, with a look of unquestioning trust. 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 269 
 
 No. 288. What shall we fray for? A 
 child of seven had been packed to bed quite 
 early for something rather serious. At the 
 usual hour of bedtime, her mother sat down 
 by the bedside to read prayers for the day. 
 "Mamma," said the little one, "please read 
 the prayer for persons in affliction." 
 
 No. 289. A Poser. "Well then who 
 took care of the babies?" asked a little girl, 
 on hearing her mother say that all people were 
 once children. 
 
 No. 290. Another Poser. Aunt Bessie 
 had been laboring with Master Jack, to per 
 suade him to go to bed at set of sun ; urging 
 for his consideration that the dear little chick 
 ens always went to roost at that time. "Yes, 
 auntie I know that but then the old hen 
 always goes with em ! " 
 
 No. 291. A reasonable Being. "Halloa, 
 mamma ! halloa there ! " shouted the angel 
 
270 Great Mysteries and Little Plagues. 
 
 of the household, from the top of the garret 
 stairs, "I m mad as fire and Hannah won t 
 pacify me." 
 
 No. 292. Mind your Pronunciation. A 
 gentlewoman of Belfast, Ireland, was ques 
 tioning a child in a charity school, about what 
 the wife of a king, and the wife of an em 
 peror were called; and then she added for 
 their encouragement, " And now what is the 
 wife of a duke called?" "A drake! a 
 drake ! " shouted half a dozen little voices. 
 
 No 293. Foresight, Sagacity , and Thrift. 
 Little Master Jemmy began to save the change 
 that fell in his way at a very early age, in the 
 hope of being a rich man, like Messrs A., B., 
 and C., who rode in their carriages, or "swung 
 on the gate " all day long, with " a little more 
 fat pork," after their wishes had been granted 
 for " as much fat -pork as they could eat" 
 One morning, at breakfast, when he was 
 
Pickings and Stealings. 271 
 
 about gobbling the last mouthful, his aunt 
 informed him, that during the night a pair 
 of babies had been added to the family, al 
 ready consisting of three beside Jemmy. 
 
 The boy dropped his knife and fork, and 
 sung out, " Good gracious, Aunt Mary ! if 
 father and mother keep on at this rate, there 
 won t be fifty dollars a-piece for us I " 
 
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