THE DREAM PHYSICIAN THE DREAM PHYSICIAN PLAY IN FIVE ACTS BY AUTHOR OF "MAEVE" AND " THE HEATHER FIXLD " LONDON: DUCKWORTH & CO, HENRIETTA STREET, COVENT GARDEN 1918 Printed by The Educatiomal Company of Ireland. limited. at TB TALBOT PRESS 88 Talbot St., Dublin The Dream Physician was first performed at the inauguration of the Irish Theatre (Directors : Edward Martyn, Thomas MacDonagh, Joseph Plunkett ; Stage Manager : John MacDonagh) in the Little Theatre, 40 Upper O'Connell Street, Dublin, on Monday, 2nd November, 1914, at 8.15 p.m., with the following cast: Col. Gerrard Eric Gorman Otho Richard Sheridan Audrey Una O'Connor Shane Lester J. B. Magennis Stephen G. H. FitzGerald Sister Farnan Maire NIC Shiubhlaigh George Augustus Moon John MacDonagh Birdie Whelan Helen Bronsky Beau Brummell J. M. S. Carre PERSONS: COLONEL GERRARD (of Knockroe). OTHO, his son. AUDREY, his sister. SHANE LESTER, her husband. STEPHEN, his butler. SISTER FARNAN, a hospital nurse. GEORGE AUGUSTUS MOON, an old journalist. Miss BIRDIE WHELAN, his typist. BEAU BRUMMEL, a musician. (The action passes about 1912 in Dublin at Shane Lester's house and Moon's lodgings.) ACT I [Library in SHANE LESTER'S house a rather handsome Georgian room, surrounded with books on shelves. At right, towards back, a door, and in front a large sofa. At centre back another door; at left a fireplace; and beticeen it and door at back a writing-table. At far end of fireplace is an armchair, and another chair in front of it. Other chairs about the sofa, and a table with newspapers, etc.] [COLONEL GERHARD enters by door at right, fol- lowed by OTHO and STEPHEN. GERRARD is an old, pompous, and somewhat fussy gentleman, u'ith clothes a little reminiscent of a by-gone dandy. OTHO is about twenty-three years of age, tall and powerfully built, with a dreamy and almost vacant look. He wears his hair rather long, his tie in a fantastic bow, and altogether affects the artist in apparel. STEPHEN is of the homely old retainer type.} STEPHEN. I expect the Mistress will be soon in, Colonel. (Goes to fire and pokes it.) Would you like to take anything, Colonel? 1 B 2 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN. GERKARD. No, thank you, Stephen STEPHEN. Or you, Mr. Gerrard? OTHO. No, thanks STEPHEN. We have some fine old whiskey, Colonel. GERRARD. Well, do you know, Stephen, I think I will take just a drop. STEPHEN. Very well, sir, very well It's a cold day. [He goes out by door at back.] OTHO. Whiskey is the one thing among us that appeals to all creeds and classes. GERRARD (sententiously). No man should ever touch a drop during the day time. OTHO. Then why are you going to touch it now ? [GERRARD looks put out and irritated. STEPHEN re-enters with the whiskey, and pours him out some in water.] GERRARD (after drinking). Capital whiskey that, Stephen STEPHEN. It was in the cellar of the old Master. Rest his soul We got it up from the country. GERRARD. A good man, old Charles Lester, and a man of position, who always kept himself respect- able STEPHEN. True for you, Colonel He was a fine old Irish gentleman. GERRARD. A very different man from his son, I'm sorry to say STEPHEN. He's a good man, too but difficult to manage a very difficult man to manage THE DREAM PHYSICIAN. 3 GERRARD. Indeed that is true. (Shrugs his shoulders.) Such ideas ! STEPHEN. Oh, he must always have his own way. I don't know what to do with him sometimes. GERRARD. He acts just as if he were only an irresponsible nonentity. OTHO. That's what they say of everyone who comes along, and knocks over their little apple- carts. GERRARD (looks shyly at OTHO). Oh, you think you're very clever. Don't you? STEPHEN. Will you change your mind, Mr. Otho, and have a sup of the malt ? GERRARD (interrupting). No He is better with- out it. Take it -away, Stephen. [STEPHEN bows and goes out with the whiskey by door at back.] OTHO. If you only deprived me of whiskey, I should have little to complain of. GERRARD. What have you to complain of? One would think OTHO (with a wave of his hand). Oh 1 I'm not complaining. Oh ! no GERRARD. Well don't. OTHO. Why have you come up to town ? GERHARD. I wanted to see you, Otho, for one thing. OTHO. I know. I called on you at the Club; but you brought me on here without vouchsafing any explanation. GERRARD. J wanted to see Audrey, too. And, 4 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN while we are waiting, I may as well talk about what I want with you. OTHO (expectantly}. Yes GERRARD. Well, Otho, it is this. I find things at Knockroe more difficult to manage every day. My income is lessened; and I require assistance to cope with the encroachments those rascals are making upon my property. I think, Otho, you ought to come back with me to Knockroe, and help me, and learn the management of the property. You must some time have to manage it yourself perhaps soon. So you had better begin at once. OTHO. I hope it may be long before I have to manage it. In any case I cannot go back with you. GERRARD. Why ? You are doing nothing here. OTHO (nettled}. That's all you know. I may tell you I have a great deal to do here. Why, Sir, I am nation-building. (GERRARD turns away im- patiently.) In an}' case I find it more satisfactory to live here where I have tastes, than in the country where I have none. Besides, I naturally want to paddle my own canoe. GERRARD. Yes And at my expense Well, in future you will paddle it at your own. I cannot afford to keep you idling your life away any longer. You will either have to come back with me to Knockroe and make yourself useful, or paddle your own canoe anywhere else you like without any more help from me. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 5 OTHO (with dignity). So, sir, you think to in- timidate me by stopping my allowance? Pshaw GERHARD. By George, it might be the making of you after all. You would have to exert yourself at last to earn a living. OTHO (passing his hand over his forehead). I know I ought to be very thankful for being given so magnificent an intellect. GERHARD. Well, I hope it will prevent you from being found wanting in useful energy. OTHO (turning away with disgust). Oh, it re- volts me the thought of such doubts cast upon iny manhood. GERHARD. Otho, I don't wish to doubt, but at the same time I should like to see you doing some- thing useful. OTHO. And, sir, what do you consider useful? GERHARD. I think it is time for you to settle down to some profitable work to marry. OTHO. Well I should be agreeable. GKRRARD. Is there anyone you are thinking of marrying 1 OTHO. Indeed there is one I want to marry, and no one else. GERHARD. Who is she? OTHO. Miss Martha Moon GERHARD (surprised). What the grand-niece of our funny old Mayo journalist 1 OTHO (taken aback). Yes GERHARD. Of George Augustus Moon ? Oh! I'm afraid that would never do. 6 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN OTHO. And why not, pray 1 What have you to object to? GERKARD. Why nothing except that I don't want to increase the number of atrocities among my relations. OTHO (loftily]. I will not permit such sugges- tions about Martha Moon. GERRARD. Indeed I've no doubt she's as funny as her old grand-uncle. OTHO. She's a woman of genius. GERRARD. What do you mean by a woman of genius? I hate that word genius. Is it genius to write doggerel under the assumed name of La Mayonaise? I call it sauee. OTHO. But if she is a native of Mayo? (En- thusiastically') La Mayonaise The name suggests gray mullet, Paris, beautiful possibilities. GERRARD. Very well, then, if you like being the gray mullet in mayonaise sauce, I don't. So you had better put this marriage out of your head. OTHO. Then you will not give your consent? GERRARD. Certainly not OTHO. And if I marry her all the same ? GERRARD. Oh, of course, I cannot prevent your doing that. All I can do is to withhold the money. And not one penny will I give you. You may be sure of it. But it will never come to anything, Otho. When they see there is no money, they will soon beat you off the premises. OTHO (grinding his teeth). Always some insult- ing reflection on my manhood THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 7 [AUDREY LESTER enters by door at right. She is about twenty-five, very distinguished in ap- pearance, and attractive in manner, end with a sort of subtle graciousness . She is very well dressed more in the French than in the Eng- lish style.] AUDREY. Oh, father, I hope you haven't been waiting long. GERRARD. No, Audrey I have had Otho to talk to. AUDREY (smiling). And Otho does not seem ex- hilarated by well your conversation. What is the matter, Otho? OTHO (gloomily). My family have always com- bined to spoil my life. AUDREY. What a shame ! OTHO. You have had your way, Audrey. But I never GERRARD. You've had plenty of your way of late, I'm sure, and you don't seem to have made much of it. AUDREY. What is it you want now, Otho 1 OTHO (dolefully). I want to marry Martha Moon. AUDREY. Oh, don't be foolish. (She laughs.) OTHO. Of course There you are. When you wanted to marry your husband, I never opposed. But you always join against me. AUDREY. I must be against you in this. The thing is too absurd. 8 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN OTHO. Why? AUDREY. Well, first of all, it is by no means cer- tain whether she really exists or not. GERRARD. What 1 Is that so? I don't under- . stand. OTHO. This is impossible. Of course she exists. AUDREY. Have you ever seen her, Otho? OTHO (crestfallen]. No GERRARD. Never seen her, Otho ? What do you mean? OTHO (with great dignity}. That is only a de- tail. Neither of you can understand the nature of a love like mine. GERRARD. If I could be sure its object wasn't authentic, I would trouble you little with objec- tions, Otho. AUDREY. She's as authentic as oh, what shall I say? the admiration in which George Augustus imagines he is held by all the world. OTHO. But there are her beautiful poems, Let Ogivales de la Mayonaise. AUDREY. Well, you know, Shane says that George Augustus is universally believed to be the author of them himself. OTHO. Impossible AUDREY. They say that if the poems had not been considered so absurd, he would have acknowledged them ; and then there would have been nothing more about Martha Moon. GERRARD (laughing}. Oh, well if that's so, let's bother no more about her. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 9 OTHO. All this is very offensive to the dignity of my manhood. GERRARD. Why ? OTHO. If you think I could be thus slighted by the grand-uncle of Martha GERHARD. Oh, my dear Otho, you ought to know by this that George Augustus is not to be taken seriously. The mention of this grand-niece is most likely an advertisement to set people talking about him. Isn't he going to publish something 1 OTHO. Yes, he is to write articles about what's going on here. GERRARD. Just so And the fascinating enigma of Martha's existence will create excitement about them. AUDREY. What a joke he must find in a would- be husband of La Mayonaise ! OTHO. One would think the way you treat my plans, that your own marriage, Audrey, was quite satisfactory. AUDREY (indignantly). And isn't it? Why What do you mean? OTHO. So you don't know. GERRARD. That reminds me of my object in coming up from the country, Audrey. AUDREY (alarmed}. What on earth is the matter? GERRARD. W T all, you now, Audrey, you were very determined to marry your husband against the advice of everyone. Where is he, by the way? AUDREY. He left me here at the door. He went 10 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN to see some man he had business with. I don't think he will be long away. GERHARD. Perhaps it is better I should see you beforehand. AUDREY. Yes Well GERHARD. It is not necessary for me to repeat that I warned you and opposed AUDREY. Oh, I know, father. Come to the point. GERRARD. I knew that a headstrong young man with such extreme political opinions must sooner or later do something to injure the family. AUDREY. What can he have done? Things have gone on very well since our marriage, as far as I can eee. GERRRAD. You seemed very confident about being able to keep Shane from doing injury to us, Audrey. AUDREY. I'm sure I have had no need yet for trying to. OTHO (with a sigh to AUDREY). You are happy, doubtless, to be still in possession of the love-life. AUDREY. I have never regretted my choice. GERRARD. You haven't had so very much time to, yet, my dear. AUDREY. Shane is always very reasonable. I'm sure I never understood this prejudice of people against him. GERRARD. Then I suppose you are adopting his principles? AUDREY. No Certainly not THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 11 GERRARD. Well, at all events you don't seem to mind what he is doing. AUDREY. I really don't know what you mean. GERRARD. Then you haven't heard? AUDREY. Heard what? No GERRARD. He has formally joined the party of Separation and Plunder, and is to oppose a Union- ist member in the North. AUDREY (surprised). Impossible GERRARD. Unfortunately too true AUDREY. And he never told a word of this to i^e. But how do you know this is so? GERRARD. I heard it yesterday, and immediately came up to town. Unfortunately all the Club has it to-day. OTHO. This is only what you had to expect. What's the use in making a fuss about it ] It's his own affair, after all. GERHARD. His own affair, indeed He should think of me. OTHO. Why ? GERRARD (somewhat put out). Why Why ? Oh, you must know how embarrassing this is for a man in my position. Fancy Gerrard of Knock- roe having a son-in-law with such low principles ! The Gerrards who have always held their heads so high, always been so respectable, who have even refused peerages Oh ! How am I to face the opinion of the Club? OTHO. You are perpetually trembling before that fetish. 12 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN GERRARD. You are very impertinent, sir. OTHO. But isn't it fetish imposition to try and control its members speaking at public meetings? GERRARD. How dare you talk like that of my Club? (Draws himself up.) The centre of respec- tability and statesmanship OTHO. The centre of brewing freemasonry and Ah, well ! Never mind. I see you are bent on making a mess in the family. GERRARD (is speechless with indig nation'). AUDREY. Oh, I cannot think Shane means :x) do us this injury. GERRARD (recovering himself}. That's why I came to you, Audrey. I really don't expect that I could survive such a blow. You know this is all owing to you. You would marry him in spite of the whole family. AUDREY (helplessly}. I had to. He was every- thing to me. But, oh ! to treat me like this GERRARD. Well, now, Audrey, you've got to pre- vent it for both our sakes for yours, remember, as much as for mine. AUDREY (agitated}. Father, don't distress me. I never thought things would come to so in- convenient a pass. GERRARD. I always told you, you did not realise the seriousness of the risk you took. AUDREY. I know. I know. What am I to do? What can I do? GERRARD. You must use your influence to stop this, somehow. It will ruin us all socially; and I THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 13 believe Shane AVES getting on quite nicely of late with people. AUDREY. Yes, indeed He's so clever. Everyone says it's such a pity he has taken up those vulgar ideas. GERHARD. Undoubtedly But now he will be made a terrible example of a warning to others who may be inclined to backslide in these degene- rate times. OTHO. I suppose Society, like a skunk, must pro- tect itself. AUDREY. What do you mean, Otho? Surely, you are not going to call in question the rules of good society ? OTHO. I don't know what you mean by good society. Is there any here? GERRARD. Don't imagine, Otho, that such opinions will make old George Augustus think any- thing the better of you. He can flatter Society, I can tell you. No doubt because they keep him at a distance AUDREY. That's what people like him really admire. GERRARD. Well I must be going. AUDREY. Won't you wait, Father, until Shane comes back? He can't be long now. GERRARD. No, no Remember, please, what I have been saying. Be firm, Audrey. You can tell him I am very disappointed and angry with him for compromising our social [Slight noise outside.] 14 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN AUDREY. There that's the hall-door opening. He is coming in. [SHANE LESTER, a tall, thin, thoughtful man, about thirty years of age, enters by door at right. He is well but simply dressed, and has a quiet air of refinement and strength of character.} SHANE. How are you, Colonel? I didn't know you were in town. (Shakes hands with GERHARD and OTHO.) Won't you stay with us, Colonel? GERRARD (embarrassed}. Oh ! no, thank you, Shane I must be going now. SHANE. Why are you in such a hurry? AUDREY. Do stay, father. GERRARD. No, thanks. The fact is (Very em- barrassed.) Ahem Yes What I wanted to re- mark SHANE. Do you want me to do anything? GERRARD. Oh ! oh ! no I only wanted to say By the way, the weather is very fine for your tobacco saving. You are a useful man, Shane. You have been very successful in demonstrating what is necessary for this country's prosperity. Good-bye I must be off. Don't forget, Audrey. I must be off. [fie bow* himself out by door at right, followed by LESTER.] AUDREY. Well, I declare, if this is the way Father has of showing his disapproval THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 15 OTHO. Father may be strong for ascendancy, but for consistency he is the genuine native. [SHANE LESTER re-enters by door at right.] SHANE. Audrey, I'm sorry your father won't stay. He seemed put out by something. AUDREY (drily}. Yes SHANE. Do you know what it was ? OTHO. Oh, it's nothing. I advise you both not to allude to it again. SHANE. Indeed You are not so given to taking advice yourself, Otho. AUDREY. Unless it be the advice of George Augustus OTHO. I beg you will both remember that he is grand-uncle of Martha Moon. SHANE. I'll tell you what he is. He is one of the three comic characters of Ireland. I'll tell you who the other two are the day you produce Martha Moon. OTHO (gloomily}. I am going down to Mayo to prove the existence of Martha Moon. SHANE. I advise you to get hold of George Augustus instead. Hold him like a leprechaun until he produces her. OTHO (scornfully). You think he cannot, of course. Well, I shall consider your advice. AUDREY (rather distraught). Yes do OTHO. Neither of you have any respect for me. SHANE. Oh, my dear Otho OTHO. I am going. Audrey, you had better 16 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN consider my advice, too, lest, later on, there may be regret. [He goes out by door at right.] SHANE. What advice 1 What does he mean? AUDREY (evasively}. Oh, something he was ad- vising me about That's all. SHANE. Well, are you going to take it? AUDREY (sullenly}. No SHANE. What's the matter with you, Audrey? AUDREY. Oh, nothing SHANE. Yes, there is something. You seem up- set. AUDREY. Indeed, Shane, we've all been upset by a report which I can only hope isn't true. SHANE. Really ? Anything about me ? AUDREY (troubled). Yes That is the worst of it. SHANE (laughing}. Oh, well Many absurd things are told about me. I suppose this is one of them. You shouldn't trouble. AUDREY. Shane, I really cannot believe it. SHANE. But what is it? AUDREY. Have you joined the Anti-Union League ? SHANE. Yes I have been elected President of the Anti-Union League. AUDREY (horrified). Why, that's even worse. SHANE. What do you mean, Audrey? AUDREY. Can you ask such a question ? SHANE. Well, of course, I cannot expect you to approve of this. But, then AUDREY. Why you never even mentioned it to me. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 17 SHANE. Why should I? We have differences of opinion ; I don't want to emphasise them. AUDREY. Shane, I thought you loved me. SHANE. Audrey, don't talk* like that. You know you have no right. AUDREY (surprised). No right ? SHANE. Of course not Have I ever interfered with your liberty to act as you thought best? AUDREY (in despair). But you don't seem to realise that your acceptance of such a position is a deadly injury to me. SHANE. I don't see that at all. How can you be held responsible for what I do? AUDREY. That is not it. People know my opin- ions well enough. But that won't prevent their shunning this house as an infected thing. SHANE. Is that so? Well, we shall at least find one advantage from such a state of affairs. We shall know in future who are our real friends, and who are not. AUDREY. A poor compensation, indeed, for being banished from Society SHANE (wondering}. How differently we see things ! And yet, how little really that difference matters. AUDREY. Shane, I could never have married any- one else but you. SHANE. What does anything else matter, then? AUDREY. It matters much for me, because I fear that I am not to you all that you are to me. o 18 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN SHANE. You are. I could have never married anyone but you. AUDREY (musing). If only I could be sure of that. SHANE. Is there any reason for you to doubt it? AUDREY (indignant). What, with such evidence as this against it 1 SHANE. Oh ! you do not understand. These things are questions of conviction, of duty, of loyalty to my country. You would despise me if I were to fail in my duty. AUDREY. I do not understand you. I understand your loving me, and granting my request. What you talk of duty to your country well / was never taught to think of such things. SHANE (drily). I know. No more was I. But a later habit of right thinking made me see that, since I owed all my means to my country, it was my duty to serve her best interests. AUDREY (listlessly). I see it is just turning out as they told me. SHANE. Who are they? And what did they tell you ? AUDREY. My father and all our set They said that you had gone against your class, and would surely bring social ruin upon me. SHANE. Well have I done so? AUDREY. Not as yet I felt I would have influence with you to prevent any such calamity. SHANE. Come, now, Audrey, confess; you thought you were going to lead me back again to the vicious THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 19 ideas of iny class. As if indeed it were something reputable to sacrifice conviction and honour to class snobbery AUDREY (turns away and does not answer). SHANE. Ah, well, I was more generous than you are. I never sought to interfere with your ideas and prejudices. AUDREY. I should hope not, indeed. SHANE. Oh, but you must understand that they are as distasteful to me as mine are to you. AUDREY (coolly). I think, Shane, this is hardly the time for being facetious. SHANE (quickly). What do you mean ? AUDREY. Well I mean this is a serious matter. There is no use in arguing against me. We shall be boycotted by Society. SHANE. Of course you think that the greatest of misfortunes 1 AUDREY. But doesn't the whole world? SHANE. I don't think so. For me, social life never had any particular meaning. AUDREY. You must be mad. SHANE. Why 1 What is social life? All its intercourse is founded on mutual idiocy. AUDREY. I never heard such ideas before. If you have the misfortune to think them, at least you might keep them to yourself. SHANE. Oh, you are blinded by prejudices, Audrey. AUDREY (calmly}. Look here. When you speak about my prejudices, surely you must know, what- 20 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN ever your inclination may be, that your outraging them by these National Politics is attended well with a certain to put it in its mildest form loss of caste. SHANE (indignantly}. Indeed, I know nothing of the sort, and I shall always fight any attempt to degrade me for action which is rightly applauded in every other country, except among the imitation aristocracy of this. AUDREY (with a sudden intensity}. Don't talk like that. I shall hate you. SHANE (astonished). Audrey AUDREY. I cannot help it. You have wrung it from me. SHANE. I don't know what has come over you. We were so happy up to this. AUDREY. We cannot be happy any more. SHANE. But am I to have no further liberty to act as I think fit ? AUDREY (bursts into tears). You don't love me ! Oh, what a fool I have been. SHANE (vehemently}. I will not allow you to say that. You know it isn't true. AUDREY (continuing}. Everyone warned me against what I was doing. Now I see they are right. SHANE. Audrey, if you go on much longer this way, I, too, will begin to think they are right. AUDREY (staring on the ground}. Worse and worse When you can think such a thing, it only proves your indifference, 21 SHANE. No, no You said a while ago I must be mad ; but what am I to think of your fears and sus- picions? AUDREY. So now you want to make me out mad. SHANE. Nothing of the sort, my dear AUDREY. Oh, yes I know what you are thinking of. SHANE. I don't understand you, Audrey. I never saw you like this before. AUDREY. Oh, I know. You are thinking of the madness that is in my family of Otho's queer ways. SHANE. I was thinking of nothing of the kind : but do let us take this thing calmly. AUDREY (with suppressed irritation). You see I am perfectly calm. I ask you, for my sake, if you will give this thing up 1 It frightens me so. SHANE. No, Audrey You must see what you are asking is impossible. You would not like to have me disgraced. AUDREY. If you don't give it up you will be dis- graced. SHANE (with sudden anger). Never That's not true. AUDREY. Ha ! See whether you will be tole- rated by the best people. SHANE. What you call the best people here would be called in any free country a disgrace. AUDREY (dumbfounded). Well, I was certainly not prepared for this. When I married you, I thought you were at least (She pauses.) 22 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN SHANE. What ? AUDREY (shrugs her shoulders, and does not answer). SHANE. Do you mean that? AUDREY (turns away). SHANE (icily). You do mean it. Oh ! the in- sult I will not encumber you any longer. I will go away. Henceforth, to you I am dead. AUDREY (bewildered). What do you mean? How dead ? SHANE. Yes, to you I am dead. \Hc goes out by door at right. Afterwards the hall-door outside is heard to slam.] AUDREY (watches him in silence as he goes. She holds her hands to her head, and tries to think). Dead (Pause, during which she seems over- whelmed). Then I have killed him. Shane Shane, come back. I am sorry. Come back. (Stares wildly before her.) He will never come back. I have lost him for ever. He is dead. (She staggers, and falls on the floor.) [Curtain.] ACT II [Drawingroom at SHANE LESTER'S House.] [SISTER FARNAN, quiet, self-possessed, of middle age, in the dress of a hospital nurse, is ar- ranging the room as if for an invalid. OTHO GERRARD enters.] OTHO. Oh, good morning. Sister Farnan How is she? SISTER. Much the same, Mr. Gerrard, I am afraid OTHO. I knew the change to Knockroe would do her no good. SISTER. No I'm glad we've come back. Mrs. Lester is better in her own home. You see we can have proper medical attendance for one thing. OTHO. There is only one cure for her. If she could see her husband SISTER. I think Colonel Gerrard expected you last night about that very matter. OTHO. Did he? Want of consideration as usual for my engagements SISTER (smiling). You must often find it in- convenient to have so much to do. 23 24 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN OTHO. Yes, that is my penalty for having so magnificent an intellect. I should really be very thankful, although it leaves me open to so many inconvenient calls for guidance from my family. Where is my father 1 SISTER. He went out after breakfast, but said he would return shortly. Mrs. Lester will soon be down now. OTHO (after a short pause). What a tragedy it has been ! And to think that she should really believe her husband was dead ! SISTER. She must have had a great shock, she was so long insensible. OTHO. Yes, and then her mind hopelessly de- ranged ! SISTER. Oh, don't say hopelessly, Mr. Gerrard. Remember that it is deranged only on one matter that of believing her husband dead. In all other things she seems sensible enough. OTHO. That is what is called a fixed idea, I sup- pose? SISTER. Exactly OTHO. In that case, if she could see her husband, she must recover. SISTER. Well she might. OTHO. Surely she would. But, then, my diffi- culty all along has been to persuade Mr. Lester to meet her. SISTER. If he only heard the way the poor thing talks about him, I'm sure he would come. OTHO. I've told him all. This thing should have THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 25 been put in my hands sooner. It took a lot of time; but I think I have almost persuaded him to come at last. SISTER. That's well; for it is heartrending to see how much she must have loved him. [COLONEL GERRARD enters.] GERHARD. Oh, Otho (They shake hands). I was disappointed at not seeing you last night. [SISTER FARNAN goes out.] OTHO. I am sorry sir, I couldn't meet you last night when you arrived. I had to read a paper at the College. GERRARD. Had you? Only that OTHO. I considered it of more importance naturally than you might. I am sorry to say you have little respect for mentality. Besides, I knew you would find all you wanted ready. GERRARD (looks irritated). I was anxious to see you about Shane Lester. OTHO. Yes ? GERRARD. Is he disposed to forget the past? OTHO. I don't know about that exactly. I think the most I can do just now is to make him see her. GERRARD. Well That's something. OTHO. Fearful bitterness must have escaped from her to have turned him so pitiless. GERRARD. Yes It was very unfortunate. But they seemed so attached I could fear nothing. If I had foreseen the result, I should never have urged Audrey to be so severe with him. I didn't think Shane would do anything. 26 THE DKEAM PHYSICIAN OTHO. That's just it. You remember 1 cautioned you that the ascendancy has no right to be sur- prised at resentment of its impudence. GBRRARD. Oh, of course, Otho You are a Solomon in everyone's case but your own. OTHO. It's because I've never yet been allowed scope in my own province. I'm sure I've always wanted to paddle my own canoe. GERRARD. You can do that when you marry Martha Moon. OTHO (somewhat nettled). I'm afraid, sir, if you talk like that, people may think there is some- thing in what Audrey says. GBRRARD. What do you mean ? What does she say? Oh, but it doesn't matter. (Short pause.) When do you think will Shane come to see her? OTHO. Any time you like To-day, possibly I imagine I can bring him even to-day. The sight of him is the only thing that will cure her. GERRARD. What pride the fellow has ! I suppose he will be worse than ever now that he has won that Parliamentary contest. OTHO. Well, upon my word, sir, I'm not sur- prised such a man should have resented your treat- ment. GERRARD. He should have considered what an honour it was for a person like him to have formed an alliance with our family. OTHO. He knows that his family is as good as anyone else's. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 27 GERHARD. And more shame for him, on that ac- count, to have acted as he has OTHO. I suppose his politics are a matter of con- science with him. GERRARD. If you were not so led astray by him, you would see that his politics cannot be reconciled with the conscience of a man of position. OTHO. Sir, you know quite well that I don't follow Shane's opinions. At the same time I think the way he was treated indefensible. GERRARD. I tried to save my daughter as best I could. OTHO. It was enough for you to have tried to save her. But then to have tampered with the love-life Well, as I said, I'm not surprised she drove him from her. [MRS. LESTER comes in quietly. She has an absent, worn look, and is dressed carelessly in widow's weeds.] GERRARD. Oh ! there is Audrey. AUDREY (listlessly shaking hands with OTHO). So you see we have come back from Knockroe. It was no use. OTHO. I hope you will soon feel better, Audrey. AUDREY. Never How can I? I feel so weary. (Staring before her.) Oh ! the weariness OTHO. It will go away, let us hope, when Shane comes. AUDREY. How you two mock me. 28 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN OTHO. No, Audrey You shall see him to-day. AUDREY. I cannot see him. (Looks fixedly}. I know he is dead. (Impatiently.} Oh ! he has warned me against you all. I will not be made a tool of again. GERRARD. Audrey, what do you mean? AUDREY. Yes, you set me against him for your own purpose, and having made me kill him GERRARD (shocked}. Stop for heaven's sake. OTHO. I shall go and fetch Shane. It is the only thing to do. [He goes out.] AUDREY. This is some new deception. You want him back now when it is too late. GERRARD. If I wanted him, why should I have recourse to deception? AUDREY. Do you want him? GERRARD. Yes AUDREY. Oh ! you think that I see nothing. GERRARD. I don't understand you, Audrey. AUDREY. You think I am suffering from delu- sions, I suppose? GERRARD (embarrassed). Well, my dear AUDREY. But you never thought that; perhaps you, yourself, might be the victim of even greater illusions ? GERRARD. No I confess I never did. AUDREY. I thought not. Why are you always finding fault with Otho ? GERRARD. Because he neglects the duties of his position for trumpery occupations. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 29 AUDREY. And you mean to tell me you believe that either of you have any position left now ? GERRARD (bridling up). A Gerrard of Knock- roe Everyone knows what that means. AUDREY. Ah ! That is your illusion, Father. GERRARD. What A family that has refused a peerage ? The name of Gerrard confers more distinction than a peerage could confer. AUDREY. It is well for Otho that he has thought of turning to other occupations. GERRARD. Now you are echoing your husband. AUDREY (sadly}. I wish I had always done so. Oh 1 why did I let you set me against him? GERRARD (uncomfortably}. I wanted to save our respectability. AUDREY. Yes to gain respectability here one must outrage well many things. GERRARD. Oh, dear, I believe you are as bad as he is. AUDREY. Oh, you always hated him. You wanted him out of the way. Besides, it would be to your interest. You would get back my fortune again. GERRARD. Hush How can you talk like that? If I were only thinking of my interests, would I have worked like this to bring your husband back to you ? AUDREY. And you still expect me to believe this? No you took me to Knockroe because you took my fortune, and now you are trying to humour me, and you will get the world to agree with you, and 30 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN condemn me, and not you yourself, for suffering from illusions. [SISTER FAENAN re-enters.] SISTER. Mr. George Augustus Moon wanted to come in. Was I right to prevent him, sir? GERRARD. George Augustus Moon ! You were quite right. What does he mean ? SISTER. He looked absent-minded, and walked past me. I thought that well now that someone is coming GERRARD. Yes, of course At such an anxious moment we are in no humour for a farcical inter- lude. George Moon is the most egotistical creature I ever knew. (Laughs.) What do you think is his very latest self-advertisement? He has a letter in the papers to-day trying to prove that the Irish question can only be settled by a revival of the eighteenth century washhand-stand. SISTER. Yes He delayed me at the door with a deluge of nonsense about the same washhand-stand. GERRARD. Always his way when he makes some absurd discovery ! You can't get him off it. AUDREY (with a shudder). There is something fantastic and unpleasant about George Augustus. He is a nightmare of a man. SISTER. All the more reason why he should now stay away We don't want him to make you think you are in a dream. AUDREY. Why, Sister ? THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 31 SISTER. Because you must be able to recognise realities when the phj-sician who is to cure you arrives. AUDREY. Ah, he is no physician for he is no more real than a dream ! GERRARD. Than a dream 1 AUDREY. Father, I should have more hope even from a dream. SISTER (interested}. Could you explain more clearly, Mrs. Lester. AUDREY. But can you not see? It is so plain. GERRARD. What is it, my dear? AUDREY (with a light coming into her face). Oh, can you not see how wonderful, how beautiful it would be, if now we were only in a dream ? [Steps are heard outside. SISTER FARNAN opens the door and looks out.] SISTER. He has come. GERRARD. What Shane ? SISTER. Yes Be calm. AUDREY (excitedly"). An attempt at deception I will not see this person. GERRARD (deeply moved). Audrey, my child, take care. Do nothing rash. AUDREY. This is a mockery an insult to the dead. 32 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN [SHANE LESTER enters. When AUDREY sees him, she starts for a moment, seems undecided, then looks at him intently. Gradually her face settles into a weary, blank look.] AUDREY (half to herself). Can this really be a dream? (Then, as if recalled, and in a voice singularly composed.) It is not he. How could it be he? SHANE. Don't you know me, Audrey? AUDREY (bridling up). Sir ? SHANE. But I am Shane Yes surely (Looks fixedly at her apathetic face.} Oh ! this is dreadful. AUDREY. How dare you try to do this? SHANE. Oh ! Heavens, what have I done? AUDREY. Yes what have you done? You have profaned insulted the dead. SHANE (desperately}. I have not. Audrey, dear Audrey, you must know me you shall know me. AUDREY (rushing to GERRARD). What does he mean? He is mad. Protect me from him. GERRARD (motions SHANE away). SHANE (cast down). I will trouble you no more. [He goes to left, sits down, and buries his face in his hands. Short pause.] AUDREY (goes a little towards him). Why did you do this cruel thing? SHANE. Now I see at last how cruel it was; but it was chiefly cruel to me. AUDREY (surprised and indignant). To you ? Why to you T THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 33 SHANE (helplessly). Will you never know who I am? AUDREY (quietly). Who are you? SHANE. Oh, why should I tell you? What is the use? AUDREY. I might, then, perhaps, understand why this deception should be more cruel for you than for me. SHANE. You cannot understand all that I threw away. I didn't know until now, myself. AUDREY. That is strange very strange for I, too, have rashly thrown away everything even what was better to me than life. SHANE. And can there be no remedy for either of us? AUDREY. For me none For you Well, you know best. SHANE (with anguish). Oh, what I have lost 1 What I have lost ! AUDREY (gently). Tell me what you have lost. SHANE. You would not believe me. But tell me this. Have you always in the past loved your hus- band as now ? AUDREY (vehemently). Yes, always (With un- natural calmness.) And yet I killed him. (She covers her face with her hands and sobs.) SISTER. All this can do no good, and is only pain- ful to everyone. Will you come with me, Mrs. Lester? [She leads AUDREY out.] SHANE. It is miserable. But it is well I came. D 34 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN GERRARD. You have, indeed, much to be respon- sible for. I fear her case is hopeless. SHANE. No not if I can cure her and I will. GERRARD. Well, I hope you may. You are her husband, who are responsible for this. SHANE. And for how much of it are you respon- sible ? GERRARD (pompously). I don't understand such a question. SHANE. Oh never mind. The damage is done. Henceforth it will be for me to repair it. GERRARD. Well, I am relieved of the responsi- bility. [lie goes out. For a short time SHANE looks per- plexed. He walks about, and stops as if thinking, then goes towards the door. It opens, and AUDREY re-enters.] AUDREY (looking frightened). I thought every- one had gone. SHANE (embarrassed). Oh ! I was just going. Do you wish me to 1 AUDREY. I don't know. SHANE. I will go at once. AUDREY. Oh, you needn't. [She looks at him long and earnestly.] SHANE (hesitating). You know I want to help you. I think I can. AUDREY (as if recalled to herself). No it's no use. SHANE. Why is it no use? THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 35 AUDREY (baffled). I don't know. (Then sud- denly.) You reminded me of someone. SHANE (eagerly). Yes whom 1 AUDREY (with a helpless look). It has gone from me. SHANE. Never mind Now that you no longer fear me, you must see how anxious I am to help you out of all this trouble. AUDREY. What can you do ? Ah ! You cannot restore the dead to me. SHANE. He is not dead. How do you know it? AUDREY. I know that I killed him. He said he would be dead for me. He would come to me if he were alive. He would see how I love him. SHANE. Oh, he does see it. He will come. AUDREY. Never never now I know him so well. He must be dead, or he would pity my suffering all for him. SHANE. And I, too, know him well and I will bring him. AUDREY. You bring him 1 You who have im- personated him Do you think he would listen to you even if he were alive? SHANE (dejected). No I suppose not, if all you say I did were so AUDREY. How can you deny it? SHANE. That you will understand when I bring him to you for I can assure you he, at least, will make no difficulty about what I have done to-day. AUDREY (half to herself). What strange con- 36 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN tradictions They make me feel again as if ! how like all this is to a dream ! SHANE. My task will be to awaken you from your dream. AUDREY (looks enquiringly at him). My dream 1 Ah ! yes SHANE. Yes then you will understand. AUDREY (resignedly). Somehow I have no longer any misgivings about you. I am not angry even with you now. SHANE. It is because you see in me the friend of him I am bringing back. AUDREY (musing). Of him whom I shall always love [Curtain.] Acr in \Same as last Act.] [AUDREY s^ts at writing-table. SISTER FARNAN enters.] SISTER. I came down to see if I could be of any use to you, Mrs. Lester. AUDREY. Thank you, Sister There is very little I want except (Sighs) Ah ! well SISTER. Your life will be different and bright all in good time. AUDREY. Never not in this world for me SISTER. Oh ! Mrs. Lester But never mind. (Suddenly.) I have just seen Mr. Lester in the hall. AUDREY (indignant). What do you mean ? SISTER. Oh , I beg your pardon the gentle- man I mean he has the same name. AUDREY (looks suspiciously at her for a moment, then apathetically). How curious He never told me so. (After a pau^e, as if puzzled.) I cannot help thinking there is something mysterious about him, though. 37 38 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN SISTER. He seems to go his way so sadly. Doesn't he? AUDREY (sighing}. No wonder It is an im- possible task he has undertaken. SISTER. If it were so, he would never have un- dertaken it. He is not a man to waste his life on dreams. AUDREY (arrested). And yet sometimes he seems to me as if he would do so he and others, too. They seem to me like strange, changing persons in a dream. SISTER (surprised). Really I remember now your saying that Mr. George Augustus Moon was like a nightmare or something. 'AUDREY. Yes, he My brother also They &-eem to me so restless and unreasonable some- how. SISTER (after a pause, during which she seems to observe her patient very thought f idly). Mrs. Lester, have you ever thought that perhaps you also might be in a dream? AUDREY (puzzled). Why I don't know. No That is Well, perhaps, I may have wished it might be so. Did you ever think so? SISTER. I did, indeed. I cannot help thinking you are in a sort of dream. AUDREY. You are not serious. How can you know ? SISTER. Do you really think you know, Mrs. Lester ? AUDREY (looks about her nervously). What an extraordinary question to ask I THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 39 SISTER. I mean, do you think, for instance, that I am a real person? AUDREY. Why, of course (Pause.) And yet, now that I begin to consider everything (She looks more puzzled). SISTER. Yes What do you know of me? AUDREY. Well I don't remember you before that time I found you standing by my bedside. SISTER. Yes you had a long, unconscious sleep. AUDREY. But when I awoke I soon remembered everything except you. SISTER. Are you sure, then, you remembered aright? AUDREY (tragically). Then I remembered how I killed my beloved SISTER (soothingly). No, my dear lady How can you remember what you never could have done ? AUDREY (wildly). Where is he, then? Why do I not see him ? SISTER. You will see him when you awaken from your dream. AUDREY. Oh ! what a dreadful dream ! (Then with wistful earnestness.} How beautiful it would be if it were only a dream 1 SISTER. Watch. Perhaps more will happen to prove it. [OTHO GERRARD enters.] OTHO (bowing to both). Good-day Will my father be in soon? AUDREY. I expect so. 40 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN -.'>! .(St.;' OTHO. I have come to settle matters with him, once for all. AUDREY. Otho, you look strange to-day. What do you want? OTHO (continuing}. To come to terms about the future course of my life AUDREY. I am sure father will do what is right. OTHO. Has he done what is right as regards you? AUDREY (sorrowfully}. That was different; but I needn't have listened to him. OTHO. That is just it. I will not listen to him either. He must treat me properly. I cannot marry at all, if I am not treated properly. AUDREY. You mean your romance does not rise above home comforts. OTHO (with an injured look). There always my manhood impugned What do you expect that I should do? AUDREY. You are not obliged to demand a settle- ment from father. Challenge fortune. OTHO. That is not the point. I can get a settle- ment if I can find Martha Moon. AUDREY. Well, find her, then. OTHO. And am / alone to find her? That i what I call not being treated properly. Oh I it is too dreadful. AUDREY. Otho, you surely don't expect father OTHO. I do expect him, and you and the rest to bring pressure upon George Augustus, and make him produce Martha Moon. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 41 AUDREY. Your expectations, certainly, are won- derful, Otho. SISTER (to AUDREY). You will see many more wonders before you avake. OTHO (tragically). I know what is thought about me. That is always the way people think of those whom they wrong. AUDREY (nervously). You have no right to talk like that. You are impractical. You think others wrong you, because you cannot do anything for yourself. OTHO. Do anything for myself ? Oh ! my manhood ! Haven't I always wanted to paddle my own canoe? AUDREY. I dare say. But you've never set about to do it. OTHO. You may well question my capabilities when your own husband is in the house, and you are unable to recognise him. AUDREY (starts). Again This again Why does he say this when he knows it was a deception 1 SISTER. These are the wonders in a world of dream. [COLONEL GERHARD enters.] OTHO. I am glad to see you, Sir. I have been waiting here for you to return. GERRARD. What do you want, Otho? OTHO (with great solemnity). Has it occurred to you, Sir, that events in the way they are shaping 42 themselves, may prove seriously detrimental to my career 1 GBRRARD. I'm sorry for it. It isn't my fault, though, if they do. OTHO. Not in the main question I do not say it is. But collaterally I mean by the imposition of vexatious conditions as necessary before you make a .settlement upon me I distinctly say that it is your fault. GERHARD. I imposed no conditions that were not right. I am ready to make the settlement. If you marry any nice person. OTHO (tragically). You know there is only one person whom I can marry. GERRARD. Well, then, marry her. OTHO. You know the difficulty I am in. It is for you and the rest to see that she is produced. GERHARD. Oh, if I have to produce her, I will give no settlement, for the simple reason that neither I nor anyone can produce her. That is fair. Will you agree to that? OTHO. No In justice to my manhood I must have a settlement. GERHARD. I don't .see what it has to do with your manhood. OTHO. Without a settlement I should never be in the position to paddle my own canoe. [STEPHEN enters.] STEPHEN. Mr. George Augustus Moon. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 43 [GEORGE AUGUSTUS MOON enters. He is a little old man, with a plump body, short, thick legs, very broad hips, very sloping shoulders, a long neck, and a pa-sty, almost featureless, face, surmounted by what was once very red, but is now sandy hair, streaked with grey. He wears dark clothes, with trousers baggy at the knees, and has altogether a look of absent- mindedness and vacuity.] MOON. Stephen, you old ass, you know I am George, and not George Augustus. What an old ass ! They ought to get rid of this old ass. STEPHEN. Sir, I was here before you, and I will be here after you. [He goes out.] MOON (bowing to all languidly). I heard you had come to town, Gerrard. Tired of the country Eh ? Or farm again going wrong, I suppose 1 Ah ! well GERRARD (pompously'). No MOON. Oh, by the way, Gerrard, do you keep little pigs on your farm? Oh ! do keep little pigs. GERRARD. Why little pigs ? MOON. Only because they are the most beautiful things in the world. I saw some the other day with an old sow in the country. I never knew there were such things before as little pigs. GERRARD. So you have made the great discovery at last that there are little pigs? MOON. I know they interest me. Why don't more people have little pigs ? What Eh ? (He looks around him enquiringly.) 44 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN GBRRARB. Look here, George Augustus MOON. Don't call me George Augustus. GERRARD. It's your name Isn't it? MOON. I don't care. I chcose to be George Moon just George Moon I say, Gerrard, when are you going to ask me to dinner? GERRARD. I first want to know what have you been doing to my son ? MOON. To your son ? What do you mean ? GERRARD. Yes to Otho ? MOON. What did I do to dear Otho? GERRARD. You have filled his head with strange fancies about this Martha Moon. MOON (smiling complacently). Oh, I did that, Gerrard, because I knew it would annoy you. Ha ha GERRARD. Well, it hasn't annoyed me one bit, now that I am aware no such person exists. OTHO. I won't believe she doesn't exist. GERRARD. I would never give my consent to Otho marrying her if she did exist. MOON. Why wouldn't you give your consent? Martha is the cleverest girl I know. She writes so well. I don't know anyone indeed so nice as Martha. So beautiful GERRARD. The most beautiful thing in the world, like little pigs MOON. Oh ! all right I came here to discuss literature. If you won't talk seriously GERRARD. All right Let us seriously discuss Martha Moon. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 45 MOON (with torrential volubility). But she talks so well. I really don't know where you will find any girl like Martha. And then her lovely poems I know they interest me. GBRRARD. That's satisfactory except, perhaps, you might leave it more to others to praise your belongings. You would not always look so egotis- tical. MOON. Why not be egotistical? I'm sure I don't mind people talking about their belongings or themselves, if they do so interestingly. I only wish I could get people to talk interestingly of them- selves. I'm always ready to listen. GERRARD. That hasn't been my experience. MOON. Well, of course, Gerrard, if you will talk only about the importance of your family, you can't expect me to listen to you. I'm not inter- ested in such things especially when they have no reality. AUDREY (leaning forward). There, father you hear ? You have your Martha Moon also. MOON (laughing). That's not bad, Audrey. But look here. These doubts about Martha Moon are beginning to irritate me. It's because neither of you understand her real significance. GERRARD. It is because of her significance that I refuse to believe in the existence of Martha Moon. MOON. That will do, Gerrard. Don't irritate me. GERRARD. Never mind, George Augustus. MOON. Don't call me George Augustus. 46 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN GERRARD. I only did it because I knew it would annoy you. Well, I suppose you have given up living in England? MOON. Oh, yes when walking in Brixton one day I suddenly heard a voice calling me to Ireland. GERRARD. Oh, I saw something about that in The Oracle. Wait a minute. I'm sure I have a copy of it. [Producing the paper.] Ah, here it is. What do you think of that? [He hands the paper to MOON.]. MOON (reading). " We understand that old Moon heard a voice in Brixton, speaking to him the following verses : " Oh, George Augustus, The Gaels have ' bust ' us. Thy fate now varies To Dublin fairies, Whom Martha Mayo's myth enthralls With Mayonaise and ogivales." GERRARD (laughing). If I were you, George Augustus, I wouldn't talk about this hearing of voices. MOON. Why not? What are you laughing at? GERRARD. Oh, the idea of a funny old fellow like you hearing voices is too ^ MOON. Why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I see visions like all the rest of them ? GERRARD. Well, of course, if you want to make yourself more grotesque than you are already by nature THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 47 MOON. All right You will regret this. I shan't ask you again to invite me to dinner. GERRARD. I wonder is it by threatening in this way that you get invitations from the Smart Set. MOON. I am writing a series of articles about this country for an English paper. GERRARD. Well, others can lampoon as well as you. You have not read the whole of that verse about you in The Oracle. MOON (reading) : " Moon of Moon Court, With nothing in short, Toady patron of Peerage, He writes up the Beer age. . . ." The impertinence ! Such stuff ! I am no toady, sir. GERRARD. Others think you are. Ah! George Augustus, if you are not a toady, you should not write like a toady about those who keep you at a distance. You remember the description you wrote of your visit to Lord and Lady Black- beer of the long, shadowy saloon, in which you brushed your hair for dinner the strangely-beau- tiful castle, and the rest and then the servile con- trast of it all with the meanness of your surround- ings before. It was not as a friend and equal you wrote that. MOON. What a satirical brute you are, Gerrard, with all your pomposity. And you are so very 48 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN Irish, too. Well, it is because I am English that I think the life of the Blackbeers is the most beautiful thing in the world. GBRRARD. Indeed, you are not English, though you may call yourself to the French le jeune Anglais. I am sorry to say you are Irish, and very pronounced Irish of the Donnybrook fair type, mean and factious. MOON (dumb with disgust, walks to the door, as if leaving. Then turns, changing countenance), Look here, Gerrard, I want to read you something I've written. I bring you into the article. You will see how sympathetically I've done you as the futile Irish landlord. GERRARD. I don't care how you do me. I only warn you that if you say anything libellous I will take an action. MOON (producing MSS. and laughing). Will you? Well, look here. This is one of my sketches. I think this really as good as anything written by Swift. [SHANE LESTER enters.] SHANE. What is he saying about Swift? Is he comparing his work to Swift's? Shy little wren beside the eagle of satire I Well, George Augustus, you are certainly not like Swift in one thing. While Swift was a terror to his enemies, you have only succeeded in being a terror to vour friends. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 49 GERRARD. George Augustus, you have upset my son's equilibrium with this Celtic glamour you have cast about Martha Moon. OTHO (breaking in beseechingly). Oh, George Augustus, she is no myth. Oh ! do not say she is only a myth, I implore of you. Produce La Mayonaise, and put a stop once for all to vexatious scepticism. Martha Moon really exists doesn't she, George Augustus? MOON (embarrassed}. Well, that depends how you understand Martha Moon. All I can tell you is that she is the cleverest girl I know. She writes so well OTHO (rushing to door). Oh ! let me go to La Mayonaise. MOON (darting before him). Stop ! My friend, if you do anything rash, you may find that she does not exist. SHANE. Give George Augustus time to cook his sauce mayonaise. MOON. George Augustus, again How dare you, Lester? But, of course, you were never at all in- telligent. GERRARD. That means he doesn't agree with you, George Augustus. MOON. Don't call me George Augustus. Neither of you understand me. You cannot grasp the psychological significance of Martha Moon. The only one of you who has gone near it is dear Otho. I always thought a great deal of your intelligence, dear Otho. oO THE DREAM PHYSICIAN OTHO. Martha Moon is the love ideal of my love life. MOON. Just so, dear Otlio the love ideal Stick to that, dear Otho. SHANE. Yes, Otho the comic ideal of George Augustus, our comic Plato MOON (superciliously). So, Lester you admire Plato ! Well, you look like one who would. SHANE. You jeer at admiration for great minds. Surely a droll way of proving your intelligence MOON. I don't pretend to know Greek, like you, Lester. I find these people who talk about know- ing Greek don't even know French. That's all I know. SHANE. Is it also intelligent to say that ignor- ance of French proves ignorance of Greek? MOON (dogmatically). It is enough that I have got a clear logical intelligence. SHANE. Oh, now I understand why you cannot make a mistake and why it is not intelligent to question the existence of Martha Moon. OTHO (dolefully). I want her produced. MOON. I advise you, dear Otho, to be content with her ideal existence. Otherwise you will re- gret it. OTHO. I will give you till to-morrow, George Augustus. To-morrow afternoon I will go to your lodgings. You will then produce Martha Moon, or else SHANE. Otho, you see, is learning from George Augustus how to threaten. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 51 OTHO (desperately). If this business is not satis- factorily cleared up, I think I shall go mad. Oh, the dignity of my manhood ! George Augustus, you had better not trifle with my manhood. MOON (with an alarmed look}. Don't call me George Augustus. [He hurries out, followed by OTHO.] SHANE. I shan't envy George Augustus to- morrow. GERRARD. It will be well to have Otho rid of his illusions, once and for all. SHANE. Yes, George Augustus' explanations will be like the glass under the cushion which the man broke by sitting on it, and so broke his illusion that he himself was made of glass. AUDRBY. That old egoist sets everything in a disagreeable whirl. SHANE. Yes, George Augustus, on his intelli- gence, is as preposterous as the English gentleman on himself. AUDREY (with a troubled look). There is some- thing odd and irresponsible about him. He seems to me like a sort of buffo relief in some grim tragedy. SHANE. We have made the tragedy, indeed. Perhaps he, by his comic relief, may unmake it in the end. AUDREY. Everything around him seems affected by his grotesque personality. GERRARD. Indeed, my dear, I am not surprised that so ridiculous a person as George Augustus should appear unreal. 52 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN SHANK. After all, it's only in nature one sees such characters. No author would dare to depict absurdity so extreme. AUDREY. He is so fantastic that he infects all the rest of you with a certain oddness, too. And, Sister, don't you say we are all people of a dream? GERRARD. What does she mean? SHANE (quickly interrupting}. It is very strange very interesting. (To AUDREY.) Tell me, do you believe the whole of this a dream ? AUDREY (with a restless look). I think it must be. Was there ever anything so fantastic? irERRARD. As George Augustus, of course There certainly never was. There's no doubt about that, anyhow. AUDREY. Ever since he came I feel restless. I can somehow less realise the immensity of my loss. SHANE. So much the better Try not to think of that loss at all. AUDREY. There are moments even when I almost cease to. When I see you SHANE (eagerly). Yes AUDREY. You are so like him. Oh ! but how different you are, really 1 SHANE. Really ? What is the difference? AUDREY. You are too gentle too kind. SHANE (painfully). Would that he had been so, too. AUDREY (dejected). He did the worst he could to me. (Then with fearful vehemence.) He shoiild have struck me to the earth instead for the mean- ness of my THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 53 SHANE. Hush, hush I am shocked that you should think him capable of such outrage. AUDREY. He was so unselfish, so noble, with no respect for persons who would not fulfil his high ideals; and I I a poor society moth I undertook to corrupt him. Oh ! no wonder it killed him to find I was no better than this. SHANE. He knows at last how true you are. You will never know how great is his remorse. AUDREY (impatiently). Oh ! these are phrases. He would come to me if he really knew. SHANE (steadfastly}. He is only waiting for you to recognise him. AUDREY (wonderingly). Only waiting 1 (Looks at him with doubtful scrutiny, and says, half to herself) : How like he is GERRARD. My dear, can you not see that it is he ? AUDREY. That is he ? (A light conies into her face, and she stretches forth her hands.) Oh ! how beautiful everything is. SHANE. Audrey, at last AUDREY (with a look of sudden terror). Stop Oh ! what have I done 1 Oh ! the horrible delusion the temptation ! To think that for a moment I could forget Oh 1 my lost one Oh ! my beloved my beloved, whom I murdered I am faithful. Oh ! forgive forgive I am faithful still. (She sinks sobbing on her knees, and covers her face with her hands.) GERRARD. My poor child, how can we ever make you understand? 54 SHANE (dejected}. Have I not proved to her that he is not dead? AUDRBT (rising, and looking around wildly}. Where is he? Have you not promised to restore him to me? SHANE (desperate). Yes only be patient. You shall see him. He is determined you shall see him cost what it will. He knows now too well all he has lost. AUDREY (with a wan and miserable look}. I shall never see him while I am in this restless dream. SISTER. Come shall we take our walk, as usual, this beautiful evening ? \8he goes out, followed by SISTER FARNAN, who has opened the door for her. After a short pause [SISTER FARNAN re-enters. ] SISTER. Mr. Lester, she is decidedly improving. That is why I think I must soon go. SHANE (despondent}. I don't know. She seems to be on the point of recognising me sometimes. But then a kind of veil falls. SISTER. We must gradually lift that veil. SHANE. Can we do you think? SISTER. She has greatly helped us by this grow- ing conviction of being in a dream. We must work upon that as much as possible until the illusion is complete. Then she will be in the state to be awakened to realities. SHANE. But how can all this be done? SISTER. Well, you see the first hint she gave us THE DREAM PHYSICIAN r>5 of her being in a dream was her feeling about that absurd old journalist gentleman. GERHARD (laughing). George Augustus, by Jove ! SISTER. It was his personality that originated with her the dream idea. And, indeed, I'm not surprised : {laughs heartily), for anyone more out of the way than Mr. George Augustus is difficult to be imagined. It seems to me, therefore, that he should complete the impression he has begun. SHANE. Oh, now I understand. We must make him exhibit his absurdity as much as possible be- fore her. That will not be difficult, because the more ridiculous he makes himself the more he thinks himself admired. GERRARD. Let us ask him to dinner every day. It's well to be able to turn him to some use at last. SHANE. Le medecin malgre lui ! SISTER. It would be easy to provoke a scene with him. I think I can do it. GERRARD. What ? Really 1 Why, we ought to bring you and my daughter to-morrow to see him, when he is going to make the great disclosure or else Ha ha SHANE. Yes, certainly Otho will be sure to make a fantastic scene, when the production, of course, fails. SISTER. She was right when she said you were no physician, Mr. Lester, although she little thought she would find him in a dream. She must cer- tainly be brought to him. I shall do my best to 56 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN increase the dream belief, too; and we can see what the effect will be. If it were successful GERBARD. You mean if she were quite persuaded she was in a dream SISTER. Yes Then we could make her awaken into a situation exactly similar to that in which she had last full command of her intellect. SHANE (who has listened with deep interest). I understand. By awakening her to reality, and making her take up the thread from the place where it snapped SISTER. Exactly GERRARD. How very extraordinary I SISTER. It may not succeed at once. It may have to be tried many times. But it often suc- ceeds very often, in the end. I think from the way she is progressing, it will succeed very soon. [Re-enter AUDREY, dressed for walking.] AUDREY. Now, Sister, I am ready to go. GERRARD. Where are you going, my dear? AUDREY (in a stifled voice}. I don't know. Every way is the same to me. SHANE. Except the way that will lead you to your happiness AUDREY (looks enquiringly). Ah ! but what is that way? SHANE. The way of the Dream Physician [He kisses her hand. She seems struggling to realise something, then puts her hand to her head, and with a sigh walks out of the door, followed by SISTER FARNAN.] [Curtain.] ACT IV [The sitting-room of GEORGE AUGUSTUS MOON'S lodging. There is a door at centre back. At the left a chimney piece draped, a sofa, some small rickety chairs, and table with books, etc. A chair behind a table at right, on which is a typewriter. Female fashion prints coloured and plain pinned to the walls, and antimacassars, with little bows of ribbon on the furniture, the whole giving the effect of a cheap boudoir.] [Miss BIRDIE WHELAN, an elderly and somewhat dishevelled and wild-looking female, dressed in faded and ample garments, sits at a table, and appears to be taking down in shorthand what MOON has been dictating as he stands arrayed in a Japanese robe with his back to the fireplace. Then for a short space she works at the typewriter, while he takes a mirror off the mantlepiece and hands it to her. She, kneeling, holds it before him.] MOON (surveys himself with various antics). Certainly the elegance of life is summed up in the waist. 67 58 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN Miss WHELAN. Your genius is as great as your beauty. MOON. Oh, by the way, has the washhand-stand I ordered from the curiosity shop come yet 1 The little eighteenth century washhand-stand, you know? Miss WHELAN. No, they haven't sent it. MOON. What a bore ! It should be here by now. I am curious to see it. It ought to be a beautiful old piece of Sheraton, Those who cannot understand my pictures must surely understand the charm of the eighteenth century expressed in the economy of its washing apparatus. I will now continue my dictation. [He goes and stands again with his back to the fireplace.] MOON. Ogivale I'll say the stanza again when you are quite ready. " By moonlight we started, ma mie, We fled by the old castle wall, We escaped through the lone ecurie Par I'espece d'une fenetre ogivale." Miss WHELAN. Ah, yes Isn't it lovely? MOON. Yes It's beautifully written, of course. I think I shall call this volume also Les Ogivales. Miss WHELAN. There is something about Ogivale in all the poems. (Timidly.} What is Ogivale? MOON. Ogivale 1 Oh ! something Ogivale Miss WHELAN. I understand. Lovely MOON. Let us do a bit of the Brixton story now. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 59 Miss WHELAN (eagerly). Oh I yes let us. Will you go on with Julia Anne Fury? MOON (paces the room, then stops, and says meditatively): "When Julia Anne Fury left the house of her mistress to go to her relations for her evening out, she pulled the area gate after her. It made a metal noise in shutting. Along the whole street there were railings with similar area gates. You saw them as you looked up and down. You oould see more of them if you were to turn up the street at the corner, and still more if you turned into the parallel street. For it was at Brixton, and everything in Brixton is uniform." Miss WHELAN. Upon my word, I think that as fine a description as anything in Zola. So accur- ate so observant so inventive MOON (with a surpnsed smile). What Do you think it as good as Zola? [With an air of con- viction.] It is beautifully written, of course. I know it's the only thing that interests me. Miss WHELAN. There is nothing like it since your description of the musician, Beau Brummell. MOON. I gave his complete character. Didn't I? His fine qualities as well as his musical foppery, and nonsensical pursuit of spiritualism Miss WHELAN. You did, indeed; and I hear he is furious. MOON. Of course I knew it would annoy him. If the foppery were left out the portrayal would be incomplete. What would Brummell be without his musical eccentricities, his glorification 60 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN of the banjo? But I gave him great praise. I am very just. I am very just. Miss WHELAN. He threatens all sorts of things, however. MOON. Pooh ! I shall fight him, if he wants to. Miss WHELAN. How brave you are! I suppose you fought terrible duels in Paris. MOON (complacently'). Well, I admit there are some things that may put me off, but I assure you I would go out in the morning to fight a duel with as much ease as I would go to breakfast. [Loud knocking at hall-door outside.] MOON (turning pale). Who's that? [Voices arguing loudly outside.] Miss WHELAN (terrified). The musician It's he. MOON. Confusion ! (He rushes and locks the door.) j Miss WHELAN (fainting in a chair]. You'll be murdered Police ! police ! BEUMMELL (outside, beating against door}. Let me in. Let me in, I say. MOON. What do you want? Who are you? BRUMMELL. You know very well I am Brummell. Open the door. MOON. Why are you making such a noise? BRUMMELL. You know well enough. Such ques- tions are an insult to my intelligence. (He con- tinues to knock.) THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 61 MOON. Be quiet, Brunmiell. BKUMMELL. No, I won't. Let me in. MOON. Brummell, you know I always admired you. If you will be quiet, I will explain all. BRUMMELL. I must come in first. [He bursts open the door, and stalks about the room. He ts tall, with red hair brushed back from his fore- head, and red moustaches waxed out in long points. He wears a black frock-coat and trou- sers, a green waistcoat, a large black stock, showing no collar, and a tall hat with a flat brim. He carries a banjo in his left, and brandishes a whip in his right hand. Taking a newspaper from his pocket, he holds it out before the crouching MOON.] Miss WHELAN. This is most impertinent, Mr. Brummell. How dare you? How dare you? [Exit.] BRUMMELL. Look what you have written about me. MOON (suddenly rising and stretching a hand forward). Stop BRUMMELL. What do you mean? MOON. Stop, I say, before you make an irretriev- able blunder. BRUMMELL. Pshaw MOON. Take care now what you do, or it will be said that you are not intelligent. BRUMMELL (arrested). Indeed ? What ? (Short pause.) You are aware of what you have written about me. 62 THE UREAM PHYSICIAN r MOON. I know. I know. I can explain. You are quite mistaken. BRUMMELL. Is there any mistake about this. Look. (Holds out the newspaper to him, then reads.) " Brummell is a musical dandy all exqui- site exteriority. His grotesque mysticism, too, is an exteriority no more real than one of these long misty figures one might imagine straying accident- ally from out of a picture by Burn Jones, and losing its path among uncaring crowds. You give the thing a kick to get it out of the way, and your leg goes through it and comes out at the other side. In fact, he is the refinement of vulgarity ; for vulgarity can go no further than the setting of exteriority in the highest place." Well, what ex- planation have you of that? MOON (with a leer). I did it because I knew it would annoy you. BRUMMELL (still brandishing whip). You don't mean to call that an explanation ? MOON. It's the only explanation I ever have for what I do. Ha, ha, ha BRUMMELL (coldly). Moon, you are like the in- fant hero in Morgante the Lesser, who soils those nicest and kindest to him just because he knows it annoys them. MOON (depressed and angry for a while, then recovering). But come, my friend. After all, we are the only intelligent people. That is one com- fort. BRUMMELL (bitterly). That is all very well in THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 63 private conversation. But see what you have writ- ten publicly. MOON (takes newspaper and looks through it). Yes, that is but the background, though, for this splendid praise. Listen. "When I first met the musician Brummell, he didn't talk to me about my master-creation, Julia Anne Fury. He began talk- ing about himself and his music. Struck by a cir- cumstance so unusual, I immediately said to my- self : ' Here is an intelligence to be reckoned with indeed, to be compared with mine.' Well, what do you think of that ? BRUMMELL (drawing himself up). That is, no doubt, very complimentary to my intelligence. Moox (looks at him a moment). Have a cigar- ette? BRUMMELL (haughtily). Thanks (He takes one, and, lighting it, lets whip drop and sinks on the sofa.) MOON (also lighting a cigarette, and sitting down). What a blessing it is when one can deal with intelligent people. You know, Brummell, if you did not happen to have real intelligence you would have gone on making a fool of yourself by rowing with me. [OTHO enters.] OTHO (picking up the whip). What You two quarrelling and hobnobbing in turns, like the niggers or the tinkers ! (He flourishes the whip.} MOON (irritably). Put down that whip, Otho. 64 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN A fellow with a whip in his hand can never be trusted not to use it. (He snatches the whip and throws it into a corner.) OTHO (solemnly). My father is coming. MOON (with a quick distorted look and maniacal vehemence). Your confounded father your beastly father OTHO (looks at him in silent astonishment). MOON (suddenly changed again). Don't mind what I said. It was nothing. It has passed over. [Miss WHELAN re-enters, showing in GERRARD, AUDREY and SISTER FARNAN. She picks up whip and goes out.] SISTER (to AUDREY, while mutual salutations take place among the others'). Don't be afraid. Nothing can injure you. AUDREY. Is this a dressmaker's room? SISTER. You will see the literary milliner's progress in fantastic dreamland. GERRARD (sits on sofa). Well, here we are. (Looks facetiously around him.) George Augustus are all those fashion plates in preparation for the trousseau of Martha Moon? MOON (shrugs his shoulders). They're the most beautiful things in the world. GERRARD. Ha ! One more form of little pigs, I suppose MOON (with dignity). Of course, you cannot be THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 65 expected to see that contrast is a most interesting characteristic of art. BRUMMELL. The classical inanity of a fashion- plate contrasts, of course, with the impressionism you admire. MOON. I found it impossible to agree with post- impressionism. The development is grotesque. 1 could only fall back on inane classicalism now, because I had already absorbed all the strength of Ingres. (With a vacant look.) I know the inane now only interests me. BRUMMELL. What a splendid church artist you would make, Moon. GERRARD. I'm afraid he's too inane even for that. MOON. I never expected you to understand art development, Gerrard ; but if the beautiful little old eighteenth century washhand-stand I ordered had only come in time, you might at least see its merits. BRUMMELL. That will do, Moon. You are talk- ing too much. One would think you were the only one who experimented in the fine arts. MOON (patronizingly). Oh ! you have done something with the banjo. Haven't you, Brum- mell? Well, tell us. Don't think I am a person who wants to monopolise conversation. I am always ready to listen. I am always ready to listen. GERRARD. Let us hear about the banjo. (He laughs.) r 66 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN BRUMMELL (with a shrug]. Oh ! only that I have raised that most unjustly despised instru- ment to its proper place in elemental music MOON. You are the musician, Brummell, who calls all music hideous. BRUMMELL. Not at all I think the drone of the voice to a sympathetic banjo accompaniment per- fect for solo singing. I did not believe choirs beautiful until I discovered the potentiality of the child in arms. MOON (astonished}. What a chorus of babies ? There is something really great about this. BRUMMELL (rises, while GERRARD lies on sofa and falls asleep). It is extraordinary how one gets to discriminate between the varieties of the baby's voice. I have the mothers to stand on the platform with their children in their arms, and as I beat time, all, either together, or as I may otherwise signal, pinch their babies. A crescendo of pinching makes a crescendo of music. The har- monic result is as mystical and spiritlike as the timbre of the Sidh ! (He looks with disgust at GERRARD, who snores.) MOON. Upon my word, Brummell, you are a wonderful person to eestheticise with. OTHO (breaking in). This is the mere foppery of art. What are all your washhand-stands and your banjos compared with the manhood ennobling idea of Martha Moon? BRUMMELL. You are an insufferably vulgar per- son, Gerrard. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 67 OTHO. You are a mere aesthetic fop, Brummell. Your nature is too superficial BRUMMELL (screaming). Too superficial ? Go. How dare you? OTHO (with a gesture of repudiation). Ah I see you are too old for me to influence you. MOON. Dear Otho, you are preventing all rational discussion. OTHO. I want no discussion. I want you to produce Martha Moon. Where is she? MOON. Extraordinary instance of enthusiasm triumphing over the intelligence ! OTHO. You are always prating about the intelli- gence, George Augustus. But now, that I have grown to love, and when my father has at last consented, I find absurd evasions and quibbles. Has it come to this, then, George Augustus, that there is no such person as Martha Moon 1 MOON. Dear Otho, it is as I have of ten said before. It all depends how you consider her. She re naturally one thing to you, and another to me. I cannot be responsible for what ideas you may have formed of her. OTHO. Oh ! my manhood Is Martha Moon, after all, of no more significance than little pigs? Oh 1 George Augustus Why have you played upon my tenderest feelings as if they were mere cat- gut? MOON. Don't call me George Augustus. Look here, dear Otho, I'll tell you why. I did it because I knew it would annoy you Ha, ha, ha G8 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN OTHO (tragically}. You dare to offer this ex- planation to a man of my magnificent intellect ? MOON. It's tile only explanation I can ever think of for what I do. You certainly have a wonderful temperament, dear Otho. You are intelligent OTHO. Then why do you always act towards me as if I were not ? But what does it matter ? Oh, this blow to my manhood MOON. Now, dear Otho, don't be Quixotic. OTHO. Quixotic You have stimulated my ima- gination with ideals; and when I resent your dash- ing them to pieces you call me Quixotic. Oh ! you irresponsible boiled ghost of a man, you don't know what you have done. MOON. What do you mean ? What have I done ? OTHO. You have killed the love-life within me. MOON (astonished). I have killed OTHO. Yes, wretched man Were it not for you I might have been happily domesticated, and settled in life. But now you have made love ridi- culous by becoming for me a ridiculous symbol and epitome of love. (Points disdainfully to MOON.) How impossible does he not make all idea of love ! What else could be expected from one with an appearance such as his? MOON (sharply). . Otho, you forget yourself. OTHO (indignantly). Oh ! George Augustus how dare you presume to pose as an authority on love? (To the others.) Just look at him, with his sloping shoulders, huge hips, and short little fat legs a very cider bottle on castors ! And the THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 69 faded, red hair he calls " his fair English hair," see how it crowns his pale, pasty face, like a par- snip stuck on the top of a tallow candle. (With desperate vehemence.) Oh ! George Augustus, George Augustus, you have murdered the love-life within me. I, your victim, now turn and demand redress. Don't you see what you are, George Augustus ? MOON (with cold rage). I shan't ask you again not to call me George Augustus. OTHO. Don't you recognise yourself? MOON (shrugging his shoulders). I am a person of intelligence clear, logical intelligence. OTHO. You are an absurd person. You make everything you treat of absurd. You have even made me absurd. You are a nuisance your friends must sweep away a blight BRUMMELL (with an important look). This is becoming very remarkable from a psychological point of view. MOON. He is dangerous. Send at once for the police. (Calls at door.) Here, Miss Whelan Birdie BRUMMELL (intercepting him). Stop This is a most interesting case of mental elevation. OTHO (hoarsely). Henceforth the idea of love must always be associated in my imagination with your absurd personality, George Augustus. Oh 1 the tragedy of my manhood that henceforth I must always laugh at love. BRUMMELL (making passes before OTHO'S face). 70 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN Gesticulorum diruptor singulorum stercorum origo stultorum. MOON. Oh ! stop your tomfoolery, Brummell. Don't you see the man has gone raging mad? BRUMMELL. Nothing of the sort Inspired frenzy ! That's all. (He continues his gesticu- lations.) OTHO (rushing to fireplace and taking the poker while held back by GERHARD). Such a caricature of love as you are, George Augustus, must not any longer be allowed to exist. MOON. You may call this inspired frenzy, or whatever you like, Brummell ; but all I know is that I am going for the police. BRUMMELL. A most retrograde step You will only be obstructing the study of psychology. MOON. Psychology, indeed What Shall a homicidal lunatic like this be allowed to go at large 1 Are we still in the middle ages, that people of intelligence yes, clear, logical intelligence are to be victimised, so that you, Brummell, may in- dulge your antiquated superstitions and tom- fooleries ? BRUMMELL. Now you are going on like Homais, the apothecary, in Madame Bovary. MOON. I like Homais Why, Homais was an ass. BRUMMELL (pompously). We are too polite to make the obvious retort, Moon. Surely you are as much responsible for Gerrard's condition as Homais was for that of the cripple? THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 71 MOON (with puzzled exasperation). I do not understand you people here at all. You all seem to rne the antithesis of what I consider intelligent. You are not like people in any other place. Now, I am loved in Paris. At least I was forty years ago. I am liked in London. But here I am de- tested. The cause must be the priests. All who don't like me are priest-ridden. You are all priest-ridden. BRUMMELL. You are mistaken, Moon. The priests don't hate you They pity you. They say : " Ah ! the poor fellow ! What a pity" MOON (furious). Is that what they say? Ha! I will now punish them. I will punish you all. It is my only way of protest. I will change my reli- gion. Hah 1 there I will leave the country. There OTHO (considering, and dropping the poker). Well, so that you will take yourself off, I will not consign you to the receptacle for nuisance. But oh ! the tragedy of it MOON (visibly relieved). Dear Otho, you have never properly understood the significance of Martha Moon. OTHO (tearful and tragic). Don't, don't Oh 1 mon ami Moon! as ancient Paris called you. there is something so engaging and comic about you in spite of everything, that it makes us call you only mon ami Moon, for what gambols any other would surely be called a cad. Yes, this genius for purg- ing caddishness of its essential offence is your chief claim to immortality I 72 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN MOON. Otho, you'll regret this. OTHO. What do I care for your threats any longer ? Oh ! George Augustus, you want to be a great writer. Where you were really great was at dancing and leading cotillons in middle-class drawingrooms. MOON (enraged). Middle-class ! You all know I am in the "smart set." I don't allow doubts of this to be expressed. I know Bang-Bang, Har- monius Hilda, and what not. I am sought after by duchesses. Why, I told Lobelia that I was in society when she was making mud pies in Mexico. OTHO. Pooh ! Anyone can call duchesses by their Christian names in their absence. But oh I what is all this to me? I feel a vast breaking up within me a hopelessness now of ever being able to paddle my own canoe. I retire a wreck, with no balm for my wounded manhood beyond the consciousness of my magnificent intellect ! [He goes limply out. Miss WHBLAN, hastily enter- ing, knocks up against him. She carries a small triangle washhand-stand.] Miss WHELAN. The washhand-stancl has ar- rived. Here is the washhand-stand ! (She sets it down in the middle of the room.) MOON (suddenly brightening up). What a beau- tiful thing is an eighteenth century washhand- stand 1 It's the most beautiful thing in the world. I know it interests me. I like it because of the economy of ablution it suggests. I confess I do not like baths. They were never usual at my toilet. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 73 In the eighteenth century everything was dainty economy economy of room space, economy of fresh air, and consequently gorgeous bad smells. BRUMMBLL. Bad smells, of course, like every- thing else of value, are an acquired taste. MOON. Oh, I think bad smells the most beautiful things in the world. (Turning to examine the washhand-stand.} Oh, look here, this is not what I ordered at all. I wanted a Sheraton washhand- stand, and here they have sent me a Chippendale one. I will not have it. Take it away. I will have nothing but a Sheraton washhand-stand. Miss WHELAN. Well, shall I write to the shop to send for it? MOON. Yes take it away. BRUMMELL. Stop ! (He surveys the washhand- stand admiringly.} Do not take it away. It is shaped like a beautiful tripod. I should not be surprised, indeed, if so gracious a piece of old furniture might even have clinging about it some reminiscences of antiquity nay, who knows perhaps oracular virtues ! MOON (with profound sarcasm). It would take no less a person than you, Brummell, to discover the oracle of the washhand-stand. BRUMMELL (contemptuously}. Very well We shall see. (Looks around.) Is there anyone who would make a good medium? Miss WHELAN. How thrilling ! SISTER (demurely). I am considered a very good one. 74 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN BRUMMELL (looks searchingly at her). I should not be surprised. You seem to me to be so. Sit upon this modern symbol of a tripod. I shall try to make you deliver oracular utterances, like the priestesses of old. (Chants.} Woman, be priest- esses of the New Delphi ! SISTER. Don't call me woman. (She sits on the washhand- stand.) BRUMMELL. That's of no consequence. (Walk- ing around and gesticulating grotesquely.) Mean- der cor chios adelphos kai anthropos kai delon seisma. MOON. What is all this for, Brummell? BRUMMELL. I am making the most tremendous incantations. You will hear her presently. [SISTER FARNAN gives a scream.] BRUMMELL. Hah ! The prophetic shriek Miss WHELAN (falling on her knees'). Oh ! something dreadful will happen to us. [AUDREY goes towards SISTER, who motions her away. SISTER screams again.] Miss WHELAN. Oh ! how terrible ! We shall all be murdered. Let us say our prayers. BRUMMELL (perplexed). I wish I knew some prayers. But this may do as well. (Loudly solemn.) " Of man's first disobedience, and the fruit of that forbidden tree wh^se mortal taste " (to SISTER FARNAN) : Are you easier now? SISTER (sighing). There is something tremen- dous I must utter. BRUMMELL. Yes, yes, that's good. (Again ges- THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 75 ticulates.) I command you to prophesy. (He takes the banjo.) SISTER (closes her eyes and puffs out her cheeks. Then to BRUMMBLL'S soft chords on the banjo, breaks forth). I see a funny little old man, and he with a guttapercha face. His the heart of a flunkey, the way he does be toadying imitation English Blackbeer, and satirising his countryman often fed him of a Sunday night. He does be making terror for his friends, but his enemies leastwise if he has any aren't in dread of him at all, at all ; and the more he makes a holy show of himself, the more his diversion, and he thinking the world is admiring him ! BRUMMELL (enthusiastically). This is the lan- guage of Genius the language of Prophecy. Yes, yes, go on. SISTER. Ochon, ochon, ochon Oh! travelling tallow face, with parsnip hair flames, like stars faded in the watery looking-glass of a dung kieve, you dance the world like a will-o'-the-wisp perplexing jumpers surely do be in their prowling for the birds' nests, and you playing vanities forninth soupers and other blackguards the way they will be after gingering you to dar dacent people with many a horny slap on your oval back. MOON (who, amid the smiles of the rest, has been looking on and whispering to BIRDIE WHELAN, now with an effort of great dignity.) Brummell, it is inconceivable that you can be unaware of the gross insult of this. 76 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN BRUMMELL (with a high-handed air). Not at all, not at all This is nothing but the purest in- spiration, the highest art. I will hear of no com- promise in such a matter. (To SISTER FARNAN, while he again gesticulates.} Go on, I command you MOON (to SISTER FARNAN). Woman, hold your tongue. Get up off my washhand-stand at once. BRUMMELL. I will not have her disturbed. This is a question of the freedom of the intellect and of literature. I can make no concessions. She is giving you the one thing you want most, and you MOON. But I tell you she is insulting me. BRUMMELL (stalking about). If you attempt to interfere with her, I will call in the police. You have not made the sacrifice for art that I have. I tell you I have given up everything for art. (Clasping the banjo to his breast.) Art for art's sake Oh, why cannot you likewise give up every- thing for art ! MOON. But this is not art; and you have given up nothing for art. What have you given up? BRUMMELL. I always suspected a vulgarity of the amateur in you, Moon, and now I know it. MOON. Brummell, you may call people vulgar and amateurish, but it seems to me you are much more so yourself with your predilection for ex- teriorities and tomfooleries. With you it is mostly a matter of jingle, tinsel, and hair oil. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 77 BRTJMMELL (with lofty aloofness). Go on, Sister Farnan. SISTER. The funny little, old, parsnip-haired, tallow-face MOON (desperately}. I'll stand no more of this. (He pushes her off, and in trying to kick her, vio- lently kicks and breaks the stand, hurting his foot. She cries, and rushes to AUDREY. He, ges- ticulating frantically, hops about on one leg.} BRUMMELL (furious}. This is insufferable. How dare you, Moon ? Your unmitigated brutality has broken the spell. Miss WHELAN (throwing up her hands}. Oh, the beautiful little furniture, the doty little what- not ! (She collects its fragments.} BRUMMELL. And just when the oracle was about to culminate in some stupendous utterance Oh t to have it ignorantly and barbarously shattered like this ! MOON. Look here, Brummell, I can't stand you any longer. I'll be quite frank with you. I admit you are a very good musician, or at least you were once. But I assure you that you are at the same time the most egregious intellectual fop the world has ever seen. BRUMMELL. What do you mean, Moon? You know you cannot compose now unless the female typist is at hand to flatter and call everything you produce a masterpiece. MOON (very excited}. Not at all You take it for granted that I am dried up like yourself. 78 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN BRUMMBLL (scornfully}. Magnificent insolence ! But you can only think like a child. [They shake their fists in each other's faces. Miss WHBLAN drops the fragments and flies out by the door at back, calling for the Police. She is quickly fol- lowed by GERHARD, and by SISTER FARNAN, who bears off AUDREY. MOON seizes a, part of tht washhand-stand and defends himself, as BRUMMELL raises the banjo in order to strike him.] [Curtain.] ACT V [The library in SHANE LESTER'S house. It is ar- ranged exactly the same as in the first Act. SHANE LESTER is sitting/ at the writing-table. He rises, looks at his watch, and appears very ill at ease. After he has walked about the room, SISTER FARNAN comes in by door at left.] SISTER. Hush We have just come back. SHANE (with great anxiety). How is she? SISTER. Well very well You are in suspense. So am I. SHANE. Oh ! if this should fail, what are we to do? I don't know how I shall bear it. SISTER. Don't be afraid. If it fails now it will succeed again as I have told you. SHANE. It is wonderful how reasonable she is sometimes. But, then SISTER. Never mind. She has greatly im- proved. Would you believe it, she has just now put off her mourning? SHANE. You don't say so? What made her do that ? SISTER. She asked me a while ago why she was in mourning? 79 80 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN SHANE. Then she must have forgotten. She must be bewildered by all she saw in that place. SISTER. Evidently For she came back here without uttering a word on the way. SHANE. Did you try to make her speak? SISTER. I did carefully, of course. But it was useuss. She didn't even know where she was going, I think. When we arrived at the door, I opened it with my latchkey, and hurried her upstairs, for fear she might meet you. SHANE. You were right. It might have destroyed our whole plan. SISTER. So, while I was taking off her things, she seemed to be recalled to herself, and, suddenly looking surprised, asked me why she was all in black. I didn't know what to say at first. But a sudden thought came to me, and I went to the wardrobe and took out the dress. You know the one she often looks at with tears. SHANE. Yes, I know the one she wore on that terrible day. SISTER. Well, I asked her would she now prefer to wear it to the black one. She looked at it as if trying to remember something; and tears started in her eyes. I asked her what was griev- ing her. She could not tell. All seemed confused to her. She could only say that she felt a great grief. I told her that if she put this old dress on again she would find her way out of the darkness, and grieve no more. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 81 SHANE (anxiously). Oh ! how miserable if she were to miss her way SISTER. I don't think she will. She is much better. You see, she has now the fixed belief she is dreaming. That has been finally settled by what she went through this afternoon. SHANE (smiling). I suppose the whole scene was fantastic enough to make her believe any illusion. SISTER. It was the most fantastic thing in the world. Mr. George Augustus and Mr. Beau Brummell SHANE. Oh, was he there, too? And what about Otho? SISTER. Of course, Martha Moon failed to ap- pear : and he gave Mr. Moon such funny abuse. SHANE. Precisely Well, he at least is cured by the Dream Physician. SISTER. The Colonel has taken him off at once to Knockroe. It would not do for them to be still with Mrs. Lester. She must find none of the dream folk about. I am glad she will see no more of Mr. George Augustus either. He is leaving Ire- land at once. He finds himself, no doubt, more appreciated in England. SHANE. The English always love the type of Irishman they make for themselves. SISTER. And now, Sir, I thank you for your kindness, and bid you good-bye. SHANE. Oh, but you are not going. Wo couldn't SISTER. Oh, but yes That is to say, if my dear Q 82 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN lady recovers, she must never see me again. If she does not now recover well, I must only keep trying. You must admit that I am the most im- portant of all to be got out of the way. SHANE. Ah yes I suppose so. Of course, your disappearance must be the chief evidence of her dream to her. SISTER. I came with the dream, and I must go with the dream. Yet I can tell you I am very sorry to leave. SHAKE. I am really sorry you are going, Sister Farnan. SISTER. You must not say that, Mr. Lester. You should be glad. SHANE (rather dismal). Yes if I could only be sure she would recover. SISTER (looks around the room). Is this room now like what it was on the day she got ill ? SHANE. Yes, just like SISTER. And are you sure you are dressed in the same way ? SHANE. Quite sure I wonder what she is doing all this time upstairs. SISTER. Nothing particular She is very calm. I left her to prepare you. SHANE (surprised). What so soon ? SISTER. Are you ready for the part you must now play? SHANE. Now ? SISTER. Perhaps now THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 83 SHANE (with sudden alarm). Oh, what a dread- ful ordeal SISTKR. Stop I think I hear her coming. SHANE. Oh, I cannot bear it. SISTER. Now, be brave. I will leave you. SHANE. If she should not recognise No I can- not bear it. [He rushes out by door at back. SISTER FARNAN shrugs her shoulders and walks disappointed to fireplace. AUDREY, dressed as in the first Act, enters slowly by door at right.] AUDREY (falteringly). Is this the room you told me to come to, Sister? SISTER (turning). Yes the library AUDREY. And you Why are you in it? SISTER. Why, are you surprised to see me? AUDREY (looks at her own dress). You see I have got the dress on. SISTER. Yes, it is strange you should have been so long in black before. AUDREY. I think it is also puzzling that you should be here. SISTER. You see the last of me. That's all. Just the last flutter of me my leave-taking before going out of your dream for ever AUDREY (with a look of pain). For ever 1 No, I cannot Am I still in a dream? SISTER. In the fading end of a dream The heaviness of grief has faded away and only I remain. 84 AUDREY (beseeching). But you will not go? I must keep you. SISTER. You may forget me, too, when I go. AUDREY (thoughtfully). Perhaps For when they are gone, we often cannot remember our dreams. SISTER. You will never try to remember them if you will listen to me. AUDREY. But you you seem to have been in the dream all along. And yet you tell me my suffer- ings were dreams. (Meditatively.) So I am to believe that they are dreams on the word of a dream 1 SISTER. Ah ! now I see you are near the end of your dream. AUDREY. Then when shall I know that I am awake 1 SISTER. You shall soon know now. You shall know by two things. First, you shall never see me again. Then you will see what will prove to you that your mourning was only a dream. AUDREY. What is it that I shall see? SISTER. If I told you, you might not see it; and bad memories might come back ? AUDREY. And when I see it you will be gone. (Querulously.) I do not want you to go. I seem to have known you so long. You have become a ne- cessity to me. SISTER. Nevertheless, I must go, if you are ever to find happiness again. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 85 AUDREY. Are you so sure of that? Are you going soon? SISTER. Yes, soon because I am becoming less real to you every instant AUDREY (tentatively). All of you are becoming less real even as he who keeps promising (She pauses.) SISTER. Yes Promising what 1 AUDREY (impatiently). I cannot remember. His promises, like himself, have faded. SISTER. Because they are being fulfilled AUDREY. And is their fading the only way I know they are fulfilled? (She sits on sofa, and looks straight before her.) SISTER. Yes, that and when he himself has also completely faded, like his promises (Passes to back of sofa.) then you will find all your lost happiness. AUDREY (darkly). I am, indeed, miserably un- happy. Oh, to be rid of this vague suffering SISTER. Courage It will soon be gone. You do not know the cause of it now. AUDREY (dreamily). No You say such mys- terious things. I begin even now to wonder who you are. (Leans sideways languidly.) I am tired with all the unknown shadows coming and going around me. Are you one of them, also? (Closes her eyes.) Who are you? SISTER. The last one you have forgotten in your dream (She steals out by door at right. Pause AUDREY sits up and starts. Looks around. Seems 86 THE DREAM PHYSICIAN as if trying to remember. Rises. Walks about the room. Tries door at back, and finds it locked, then finally opens door at right, looks out and lis- tens, returns to fireplace and pulls the bell, then places her hands to her head, as if in great distress. STEPHEN enters by door at right.] AUDREY. That voice Whose was it? (Ex- citedly.) Stephen STEPHEN (alarmed). Yes, Ma'am AUDREY. Was anyone here? Who was here? STEPHEN. I don't know, Ma'arn. What's the matter ? AUDREY (abstracted). Could it have been that I was asleep, Stephen? STEPHEN. Can I do anything for you, Ma'am? Do you feel better 1 AUDREY. Oh, what is this dreadful something on my mind? (To STEPHEN.) Has anything hap- pened? STEPHEN (wondering). I don't think so. AUDREY. Can it then have only been a dream? STEPHEN. Oh, you are tired, Ma'am over- strained. That's what it is. Sit down and rest. AUDREY. I cannot rest. There is something dreadful troubling me. STEPHEN (with great hesitation). Shall I go and tell (He pauses.) AUDREY. What do you mean? STEPHEN. Well as the Master is AUDREY (violently agitated). Oh, now I know the cause of my trouble. THE DREAM PHYSICIAN 87 STEPHEN (very frightened). Never mind never mind what I say. AUDREY (piteously). But he has gone. Has he not gone? STEPHEN. No, Ma'am he is here. AUDREY. Where, where ? Take me to him at once. [SHANE LESTER enters by door at back.] SHANE. Audrey, I am here. AUDREY (stops short, and looks at him in tHence. Goes towards him, and halts. Seems as if striving to recall something. Slowly advances, watching him steadily, then passe* her hands over his head and face. As she drops at his feet, she says in a trembling voice) : Oh, Shane, it was only a dream ! SHANE (raises her quickly). Audrey 1 [Curtain. | THE END. 38093