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 -fUC.iii'iv/rnc/^
 
 THE 
 
 ADVENTURES 
 
 OF 
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE, 
 
 WITH 
 
 THE MEMOIRS 
 
 OF 
 
 A L A D Y OF QUALITY. 
 
 By TOBIAS SMOLLETT, M.D. 
 
 TO WHICH IS PREFIXED, 
 
 A LIFE OF THE AUTHOR. 
 
 J.V FOUR VOLUMES. 
 
 Vol. I. 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 PRINTED FOR VERNOR AND HOOD, CUTHEI.L AND MARTi! 
 J. WALKER, B. CROSBY AND CO. BY ML'NDELt. 
 AND SON, HDJNBURGU. 
 
 J. .1 :. 

 
 CONTENTS ^ (o^^^ 
 
 OF THE FIRST VOfA'MF. i m ^ ^ 
 
 1 &^4 
 
 Life of the Author. 
 
 Chap. I. y^w account of Mr. Gamaliel Fickle. Thi 
 disposition of his sister described. He yields to her 
 solicitations, and retires to the country 1 
 
 II. He is made acquainted with the characters of Com- 
 modore Trunnion and his adherents; meets with them 
 by accident, and contracts an intimacy with that com- 
 mander 6 
 
 III. Mrs. Grizzle exerts herself in fndina a proper match 
 for her brother ; who is accordingly introduced to the 
 young lady, whom he marries in due season IS 
 
 IV. The behaviour of Mrs. Grizzle at the wedding, 
 with an account of the guests 23 
 
 V. Mrs. Pickle assumes the reins of government in her 
 own family , her sister-in law undertakes an enter- , 
 prise of great moment ; but is for some time diverted 
 from tier purpose, by a very interesting considera- 
 tion 27 
 
 VI. Mrs. Grizzle is indefatigable in gratifying her 
 sister s longings. Peregrine is born, and managed 
 contrary to the directions and remonstrances of his 
 aunt, who is disgusted upon that account ; and re- 
 .>>umes the plan iv/iich she had before rejected 33 
 
 VII. Divers stratagems are invented, and put in prac- 
 tice, in order to overcome the obstinacy of Trunnion, 
 who at length is teazed and tortured into the noose of 
 ?redlock 44 
 
 VIII. Pretiarations are made for the commodore'' s tved- 
 ding, ivhich is delayed by an accident that hurried him 
 the Lord knoivs whithe?- 50 
 
 IX. He is found by the lieutenant ; reconducted to his 
 own house ; married to Mrs. Grizzle, who meets tvith 
 a small misfortune in the night, and asserts her pre- 
 rogative next morjiing ; iu consequence of which her 
 husband's eye is endangered. 5q
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 Chap. X. The commodore being in some cases restive, 
 his lady has recourse to artifice in the establishment of 
 her throne; she exhibits symptoms of pregnancy, to 
 the unspeakable joy of Trunnion, who nevertheless is 
 baulked in his expectation. 66 
 
 Xr. Airs. Trunnion erects a tyranny in the garrison, 
 tvhile her husband conceives an qD'ectiun for his nephew 
 Perry ^ who manfests a peculiarity of disposition even/ 
 in his tender years 72 
 
 XII. Peregrine is sent to a boarding-school, becomea re- 
 markable for his genius and ambition 77 
 
 XIII. 'Ihe commodore takes Peregrine under his own 
 care. The boy arrives at the garrison ; is strangely 
 received by his own mother; enters into a confederacy 
 with Hatchway and Pipes, and executes a couple of 
 waggish enterprises upon his aunt 85 
 
 XIV. He is also In their device en"a"ed in an adventure 
 tinth the exciseman, who docs not fnd his account in 
 his oivn drollery 97 
 
 XV. The commodore detects the machinations of the 
 conspirators , and hires a tutor for Peregrine, whom- 
 he settles at IFvichester school 103 
 
 XVI. Peregrine distinguiiihes himself among his sch-iol 
 fellows, exposes his tutor, and attracts the particular 
 
 riotice of the master 109 
 
 XVII. He is concerned in a dangerous adventure with a 
 certain gardener ; sublimes his ideas, commences gal- 
 lant, and becomes acquainted with Miss Emily Gaunt' 
 let 1 14 
 
 XVIII. He inquires into the situation of this young lady, 
 withivhom he is enamoured; elopes from school; is 
 found by the lieutenant, conveyed to lVi?ichester, and 
 
 sends n letter with a copy of verses to his mistress. 124 
 
 XIX. His messenger meets with a mi fortune, to which 
 he applies a very extraordinary expedient, that is at- 
 tended u'ith strange consequences 133 
 
 XX. Peregrine is summoned to attend his uncle, is more 
 and more hated by his o7vn mother; appeals to hiA 
 
 father, tvhose condescension is defeated by the domi- 
 nion of his wife , 139
 
 CONTENTS. ni 
 
 Chap. XXI. Trunnion is enraged at the conduct ofFichle. 
 Peregrine resents the injustice of his mother, to whom 
 he explains his sentiments in a letter. Is entered at 
 the university of Oxford, where he signalizes himself 
 as a youth of an enterprising genius 145 
 
 XXII. He is insulted by his tutor, whom he lampoons ; 
 makes a considerable progress in polite literature; and, 
 in an excursion to Windsor, meets with Emilia by ai - 
 cident, and is very coldly received 152 
 
 XXIII. J ftcr sundry unsuccessful efforts, he finds means 
 to come to an explanation with his mistress; and a 
 reconciliation ensues . . . l60 
 
 XXIV. He achieves an adventure at the assembly, and 
 (quarrels with his governor 1/0 
 
 XXV. He receives a letter from, his aunt, breaks ivitk 
 the commodore, and disobliges the lieutenant, who, 
 nevertheless, undertakes his cause 1 77 
 
 XXVI. He becomes melancholy ajid despondent ; i^ fav- 
 oured with a condescending letter from his' uncle, re- 
 conciles himself to his governor, and sets out with 
 Emilia and her friend Jor Mrs. Gauntlet's house. . 18.5 
 
 XXVII. They meet with a dreadful alarm on the road; 
 arrive at their jomney's end. Peregrine is intioduced 
 to Emily's brother ; these two young gentlemen misun- 
 derstand each other. Pickle departs for the garri- 
 son IgO 
 
 XXVIII. Peregrine is overtaken by Mr. Gauntlet, with 
 tvhom he fights a duel, and contracts an intimate 
 
 friendship. He arrives at the garrison, and finds his 
 mother as implacable as ever. He is insulted by his 
 brother Gam, whose preceptor he disciplines with a 
 horse-whip ig3 
 
 XXIX He projects a plan of revenge, zvhich is execut- 
 ed against the curate 206 
 
 XXX. Mr. Sackbut and his pupil conspire against Pe- 
 re'^rine, who being apprised of their design by his 
 sister, takes measures for counterworking their scheme, 
 which is executed by mistake upon Mr. Gauntlet. This 
 young soldier meets with a cordial reception from the 
 commodore, who generously decoys him into his owji 
 interest. , . , . , 212
 
 ^' COKTENTSr 
 
 Chap. XXXI. The two young gentlemen display their 
 talents for gallantry, in the course of which they are 
 involved in a luaiaous circumstance of distress, and 
 afterwards take vengeance on the author of their mis- 
 hap 221 
 
 XXXII. The commodore sends a challenge to Gamaliel 
 and is imposed upon by a waggish invention of the 
 lieulenant, Peregrine, and Gauntlet 22/ 
 
 XXXIII. Peregrine takes leave of his aunt and sister, 
 sets out from the garrison, parts uith his uncle and 
 Hatchway on the road, and with his governor arrives 
 in safety at Dover 232 
 
 XXXIV. He adjusts the method of his correspondence 
 with Gauntlet ; meets by accident with an Italian 
 charlatan, and a certain apothecary , who proves to 
 be a noted character 236 
 
 XXXV. He embarks for France; is overtaken by a 
 storm ; is surprised with the appearance of Pipes ; 
 lands at Calais, and has an affray with the oncers of 
 the cuslom-liouse 244 
 
 XXXVI. He makes a fruitless attempt in gallantry', 
 departs for Boulogne, ivhere he spends the evening 
 with certain English exiles 252 
 
 XXXVII. Proceeds for the capital ; takes up his lodg- 
 intrs at Bernay, where he is overtaken by Mr. Horn, 
 leek J whose head he longs to fori fy 'iQo
 
 THE 
 
 ADVENTURES 
 
 OF 
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 An account of Mr. Gamaliel Pickle. . . . The disposition 
 of his sister descrihed. . . . He yields to her solicit ations^ 
 and retires to the country. 
 
 In a certain county of England, bounded on one 
 side by the sea, and at tJie distance of one hundred 
 miles from the metropolis, lived Giunaliel Piclile, 
 esquire, the father of that hero whose adventures 
 we purpose to record. He was the son of a mer- 
 chant in London, who (like Rome) from small be- 
 ginnings had raised himself to the highest honours 
 of the city, and acquired a plentiful fortune, though , 
 to his infinite regret, he died before it amounted to 
 a plum, conjuring lliis son, as he respected the last 
 injunction of a parent, to imitate his industry, and 
 adhere to his maxims, until he should have made 
 up the deficiency, which was a sum considerably 
 less than fifteen thousand pounds. 
 
 This pathetic remonstrance had the desired ef- 
 fect upon his representative, who spared no pains 
 to fulfil the request of the deceased, but exerted all 
 the capacity with which nature had endowed liim 
 
 Vol. I. A
 
 y Till: ADVExMUUES OF 
 
 in a series of efTurts, Avliich, however, did not suc- 
 ceed ; for, by the time he had been fifteen years in 
 trade, he found himself five thousand pounds worse 
 tlian he was when he first took possession of his fa- 
 ther's eficcts ; a circumstance that affected him so 
 nearly, as to detach his inclinations from business, 
 and induce him to retire from the world, to some 
 ])lace where he might at leisure deplore his mis- 
 fortunes, and by frugality secure himself from want 
 and the apprehensions of a jail, with Avhich his 
 imagination was incessantly haunted. He was of- 
 ten heard to express his fears of coming upon the 
 parish, and to bless God, that, on account of his 
 having been so long a housekeeper, he was entitled 
 to that provision. In short, his talents were not 
 naturally active, and there was a sort of inconsist- 
 ency in his character : for, with all the desire of 
 amassing Avhich any citizen could possibly enter- 
 tain, he was encumljered by a certain indolence 
 and sluggishness that prevailed over every inter- 
 ested consideration, and even hindered him from 
 profiting by the singleness of apprehension and 
 moderation of appetites, which have so frequently 
 conduced to the acquisition of immense fortunes, 
 qualities which he possessed in a very remarkable 
 degree. Nature, in all probability, had mixed 
 little or nothing inflammable in his composition ; 
 or, whatever seeds of excess she might have sown 
 withui him, were effectually stifled and destroyed 
 by the austerity of his education. 
 
 The sallies of his youth, far from being inordi- 
 nate or criminal, never exceeded the bounds of 
 *that decent jollity, which an extraordinary pot, 
 on extraordinary occasions, may be supposed to 
 have produced in a club of sedate book-keepers, 
 whose imaginations were neither very warm nor 
 luxuriant. Little subject to refined sensations, he 
 ivas scarce ever disturbed with violent emotions of
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE, S 
 
 nny kind. The passion of love never interrupt etl 
 his tranquillity; and if, as Mr. Creech says after 
 Horace, 
 
 Not to admire is all the art I know, 
 
 To make men happy, and to keep them so, 
 
 Mr. Pickle was undoubtedly possessed of thai in- 
 valuable secret ; at least he was never known to 
 IxHray the faintest syinptom of transport, except 
 one evening at the club, where he obserAed, witli 
 some demonstrations of vivacity, that he had din- 
 ed upon a delicate loin of veal. 
 
 Notwhhstanding this appearance of phlegm, he 
 could not help feeling his disappointments in trade ; 
 and, upon the failure of a certain underwriter, by 
 which he lost five hundred pounds, declared his 
 design of relinquishing business, and retiring to 
 the country. In this resolution he was comforted 
 u!id encouraged by his only sister INIrs. Grizzle, 
 who had managed his family since the death of 
 his father, and was now in the thirtieth year of 
 lier maidenhood, with a fortune of iive tliousand 
 pounds, and a large stock of economy and devo- 
 tion. 
 
 These qualifications, one would think, miglit 
 liave been the means of abridging the term of her 
 celibacy, as slie never expressed any aversion to 
 wedlock ; but it seems she was too delicate in lier 
 choice to find a mate to her inclination in the city; 
 for I caimot suppose tliat she remained so long un- 
 solicited, though the charms of her person were 
 not altogether enchanting, nor her manner over 
 and above agreeable. Exclusive of a very wan 
 (not to call it sallow) complexion, which perhaps 
 was tlie ellects of her virginity and mortification, 
 she had a cast in her eyes that was not at all en- 
 gaging, and such an extent of mouth, as no art 
 or affectation could contract into any proportion- 
 able dimension : then her piety was rather peevish 
 
 A2 ^
 
 4 THE ADVENTURES OP 
 
 llian resigned, and did not in the least diminish a 
 (}ertain stitteliness in her demeanour and conversa- 
 tion, that delighted in communicating the import- 
 ance and honour of her family, Avhich, by the by, 
 >vas not (o be traci^d two generations back, by all 
 the power of heraldry or tradition. 
 
 She seemed to have renounced all the ideas she 
 had acquired before her father served the office of 
 sheriff; and the era Avhich regulated the dates of 
 all her observations ^vas the mayoralty of her papa. 
 Nay, so solicitous was this good lady for the sup- 
 port and propagation of the family name, that, 
 suppressing every selfish motive, she actually pre- 
 vailed upon her brother to combat with his own 
 disposition, and even surmount it so far as to de- 
 clare a passion for the jjerson whom he afterwards 
 wedded, as we shall see in the sequel. Indeed she 
 was the spur that instigated him in all his extra- 
 ordinary undertakings ; and I question whether 
 or not he would have been able to disengage him- 
 self from that course of life in which he had so 
 long mechanically moved, unless he had been 
 roused and actuated by her incessant exhortations. 
 Ix)ndon, she observed, was a receptacle of iniqui- 
 ty, where an honest unsuspecting man was every 
 day in danger of falling a sacrifice to craft : where 
 innocence was exposed to coutinual temptations, 
 and virtue eternally jx^rsecuted by malice and 
 slander ; where every thing was ruled by caprice 
 and corruption, and merit utterly discourag-ed and 
 despised. This last imputation she pronounced 
 with such emphasis and chagrin, as plainly de- 
 noted how far she considered herself as an example 
 of w hat she advanced ; and really the charge was 
 Justified by the cor>structions that were put upon 
 her retreat by her female friends, who, far from 
 imputing it to the laudable motives that induced 
 iver, insinuated, in sarcastic commendations, that
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 9 
 
 slic had good reason to be dissatisfied with a place 
 where she had been so long overlooked : and that 
 it was certainly her wisest course to make her last 
 effort in the country, where, in all j3robability, her 
 talents would be less eclipsed, and her fortune nioro 
 attractive. 
 
 JBe this as it will, her admonitions^ though tbey 
 were powerful enough to convince, would liave 
 been insullicient to overcome the languor and lis 
 inertice of her brother, had she not reinforced Iscr 
 arguments, by calling in question tlie credit of 
 two or lliree merchants, with whom he was em- 
 barked in trade. 
 
 Alarmed at these hints of intelligence, he exert- 
 ed himself eftectually : he withdrew his money 
 from trade, and laying it out in bank stock and 
 India bonds, removed to a house in the country, 
 which his father had built near the sea-side, ibr 
 the convenience of carrying on a certain braiich 
 of traffic in which lie had been deeply concerned. 
 
 Here then i\lr. Pickle ilxed his habitation for 
 life, in the six-and-thirtieth year of his age ; and 
 though the pangs he fl^lt at parting with his inti- 
 mate companions, and quitting all his Ibrmcr con- 
 nections, were not quite so keen as to produce any 
 dangerous disorder in his constitution, he did not 
 fail to be extremely disconcerted at his iirtt en- 
 trance into a scene of life to which he was totally 
 a stranger. INot but that he met with abundance 
 of people in the country, who, in consideration of 
 his tbrtune, courted his acquaintance, and breath- 
 ed nothing but friendship and hospitality : jet 
 even the trouble of receiving and returning these 
 civilities was an intolerable fatigue to a man of his 
 habits and disposition. lie therefore left the care 
 of the ceremonial to his sister, who indulged her- 
 self in all the pride of formality, Avhiie he himself,, 
 having made a discover v of a public house in tli.? 
 
 A 3
 
 6 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 neigliboiiihood, went tliitber every evening, and 
 enjoyed his pipe and cann, beina; very Avell satis>- 
 iied Avitli (he behaviour oi' (he landlord, whose 
 communicative temper was a great comfort to his 
 own tacilurnity ; for he shunned all suj)erfluity of 
 speech as much as he avoided any other unneces- 
 sary expence. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 Hell made ucquaintcd with the characters of Commodore 
 rrunnion arid his adherents. . . . Meets with them ly 
 accident, and contracts an intimacy with that com- 
 mander. 
 
 X ins loquacious publican soon gave him sketches 
 of all the characters in the county, and, among 
 others, described that of his next neighbour, Com- 
 modore Trunnion, which was altogether singular 
 and odd. * The commodore and your worship,* 
 said he, ' will in a short time be hand and glove : 
 he has a power of money, and spends it like a 
 prince, that is, in his own Avay ; for, to be sure, he 
 T& a little humoursome, as the saying is, and swears 
 woundily, though I'll be sAvorn he means no more 
 harm than a sucking babe. Lord help us ! it will 
 do your honour's heart good to hear him tell a 
 story, as how he lay alongside of the French, ywcd- 
 arm and yard-arm, board and board, and of heav- 
 ing grapplings, and stinkpots, and grapes, and 
 jound and double-headed partridges, crows and 
 carters Laud have mercy upon us ! he has been 
 a great warrior in his time, and lost an eye and a 
 heel in the service. Then he doe not live like any 
 other christian land-man, but keeps garrison in his 
 house, as if he were in the midst of his enemies, 
 and makes his servants turn out in the night, watxh
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 7 
 
 and watch (as he calls it), all the year round. II is 
 habitation is defended by a ditch, over which ho 
 has laid a draw-biidge, and plant<'(l his court- 
 yard with patereroes continually loaded withsliot, 
 under the direction of one Mr. Hatchway, who 
 had one of his legs shot away, while he acted as 
 lieutenant on-board the commodore's ship: and 
 now being on half pay, lives Avhh him as his com- 
 ])anion. ITie lieutenant is a very brave man, a 
 great joker, and, as the saying is, hath got the 
 length of his commander's ibot ; though he has 
 another favourite in the house, called Tom Pi))es, 
 that was his boatswain's mate, and now keeps the 
 servants in order. Tom is a man of few words, 
 but an excellent hand at a song, hussle-cap, and 
 chuck-farthing. Concerning the boalswaiu's 
 V, hisdcjthere is not such another pipe in the county, 
 bio that the commodore lives very happy in his own 
 manner; thof he be sometimes thrown into peril- 
 ous passions and quandaries, by the application 
 of his poor kinsmen, whom he can't abide, because 
 as how some of them were the first occasion of his 
 going to sea Then he sweats with agony at the 
 sight of an attorney ; just for all the world, as some 
 people have an antipathy to a cat ; for it seems ho 
 M as once at law for striking one of his officers, and 
 cast in a swinging sum. He is moreover exceed- 
 ingly afflicted with goblins that disturb his rest, 
 and keep such a racket in his house, that you 
 would think (God bless us !) all the devils in hell 
 had broke loose upon him. It Avas no longer ago 
 than last year about this time, that he was tor- 
 mented the livelong night by two mischievous 
 sjnrits that got into his chamber, and played a 
 Miousand pnmks about his hammock (for there is 
 not one bed within his walk). Well, Sir, he rimg 
 his !)ell, called up all his servants, got lights, and 
 iiiade a thorough search; but the devila coblitu. 
 
 A I
 
 THE ADVENTURES OP 
 
 was (o be found. He liad no sooner turned in 
 ai^ain, and (lie rest of the family gone to sleep, 
 than the foiil fiends began their game anew. The 
 commodore got up in Ihe dark, drew his cutlass, 
 and attacked them both so manfully, that, at five 
 minutes, every thing in the apartment went to 
 pieces. The lieutenant, hearing the noise, came 
 to his assistance. Tom Pipes, being told what 
 was the matter, lighted liis match^and, going 
 down to tlie jard, fired all the patereroes as^ sig- 
 nals of distress. Well, to be sure, the whole pa- 
 rish was in a pucker: some thought the I'rench 
 had landed ; others imagined the commodore's 
 house was beset by thieves ; for my own part, 
 
 1 called up two dragoons that are quartered upon 
 me ; and they swore, with deadly oaths, it was a 
 gang of smugglers engaged with a party of their 
 regiment that lies in the next village ; and mount- 
 ing their horses, like lusty fellows, rode up into the 
 country as fa;;t as their beasts could carry them* 
 Ah, master, these are hard times, when an indus- 
 trious body cannot earn his bread without fear of 
 the gallows. Your worsliip's father (God rest his 
 
 y soul)! was a good gentleman, and as well respect- 
 N od in this parish as e'er a he that walks upon neat's 
 ieatbrr. And if your honour should want a 
 small parcel of fiue tea, or a few ankers of right 
 Nants, I'll be bound you shall be furnished to your 
 heart's content. But, as f was saying, the hub- 
 bub continued till morning, whenthe parson being 
 .sent for, conjured the spirits into the lied sea; 
 and IJie house has becii pretty quiet ever since. 
 v^True it is, ]\Ir. Ilat* Invay makes a mock of the 
 whole affair; and tohl his commander in this very 
 blessed ^pot, that the two goblins were no other 
 than a couple of jackdaws which had lallen down 
 the chimney, and made a flapping with their 
 wings up and down the apartment. 15atthe com*
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. S 
 
 modoro, who is very choleric, cind does not like 
 
 yto bo jeered, fell into a main high passion, and 
 stornu'd like a perfect hurricane, swearing tliat he 
 knew a devil from a jackdaw as well as e'er a man 
 in the three kingdoms. lie owned, indeed, that 
 the birds were tbund, bnt denied that tliey were 
 the occasion of the uproar. For my own part, 
 master, I believe much may be said on botii sides 
 of th{^ question, thof, to be sure, tlie devil is al- 
 
 .\^ways gouig about, as the saying is.' 
 
 This circumstantial account, extraordinary as 
 it was, never altered one feature in the countenance 
 of Mr. Pickle, who, having heard it to an end, 
 took the pipe from his mouth, saying, with a 
 look of intinite sivga^ily and deliberation, ' [ do 
 suppose he is of the Cornish Trunnions. What 
 sort of a woman is his spouse?' ' SpouKcT cried 
 
 vthe other, 'odds heart! I don't think he would 
 marry the queen of ISheba. Lack-a-day ! Sir, he 
 won't suffer his own maids to lie in the garrison, 
 but turns them into an out-house every night be- 
 fore the watch is set. Bless your honour's soul, 
 he is, as it were, a very oddislvkind of a gentle- 
 man. Your worship would have seen him before 
 now ; for when he is well, he and my good Mas- 
 ter Hatchway come hither eVery evening, and 
 
 V drink a couple of canns of rumbo apiece; but he 
 has been confined to his house this fortnight by a 
 plaguy fit of the gout, which, I'll assure your 
 worship, is a good penny out of my pocket.' 
 
 .'Vt that instant, Mr. PickUfs ears were saluted 
 with such a strange noise, as even discomposed 
 the muscles of Jiis face, Avhich gave evuieiit_in(ii- 
 cat ipjis of alarm . Th is conl position of notes, at first, 
 resembled the crying of quails and croaking of bull- 
 frogs ; but, as it approached nairer, he could 
 distinguish articulate sounds pYonounced with grcrit 
 violence, in such a cadence as one would expect 
 
 A5
 
 10 TffE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 to hear from a human creature scolding tHrougfi 
 the organs of an ass./ It was neither speaking nor 
 braying, but a surprising mixture of both, em- 
 ployed in the ^utterance of terms absolutely unin- 
 telligible to our Avondering merchant, who had just 
 opened his mouth to e;s.pieas his curiosity, Avhen 
 The landlord, starting up at the well-known sound, 
 cried, ' Oddjs nigers! there is the commodore 
 with his company, as sure as I live;' and with 
 his apron began to wipe the dust off an elbow chai)>- 
 placed at one side of the fire, and kept sacred for 
 the ease and convenience" of this infirm command- 
 er._ While he was thus occupied, a voice still 
 more uncouth than the former, bauled aloud, 
 * Ho ! the house, a hoy !' Upon which the pub- 
 lican, clapping a hand to each side of his head, 
 with his thumbs fixed to his ears, rebellowed in 
 the same tone, which he had learned to imitate, 
 ' hilloahi.' The voice again exclaimed, * have 
 you got any attornies aboard?' and when the 
 landlord replied, ' no, no,' this man of strange 
 expectation came in, supported by his two de- 
 pendents, and diifplayed a figure every way an- 
 swerable to the oddity of his character,^ He was 
 in stature at least six feet high, though he had 
 contracted a habit of stooping, by living so long 
 on-board ; his complexion Avas tawny, and his 
 aspect rendered hideous by a large scar across his' 
 nose, and a patch that covered the place of one 
 eye. Being seated in his chair with great formal- 
 ity, the landlord complimented him upon his be- 
 ing able to come abroad again ; and having, in a 
 whisper, communicated the name of his fellow 
 guest, whom the commodore already knew by re- 
 port, went to prepare, with all imaginable dis- 
 patch, the first allowance of his favourite liquor, 
 in three separate canns (for each was accommo- 
 dated with his own portion apart), while the lieu-
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLi:. 11 
 
 tonant sat down on the blind sidcof liis commander : 
 and Tom Pipes, knowing liis distance, witli great 
 modesty, took his station in the rear. After a pause 
 ofsomemiimtis, the conversation was begun by 
 this ferocious chief, who, fixing his eye uj)onthc 
 lieutenant with a sternness of countenance not to be 
 described, addressed him in these Avords, ' damn 
 my eyes ! IFatchway, I always took yon to be a bet- 
 ter seaman than to overset our chaise in such. fair 
 weather. Blood ! did'nt I tell you we were running 
 bump ashore, and bid yon set in the lee-brace,' 
 a!id haul uj^on a wind r' ' Yes,' (replied the other, 
 with anarcli sneer), ' I do confess as how you did 
 give such orders, after you had run us foul of a 
 post, so as that the carriage lay along, and coiild 
 not right herself.' ' I run you foul of a post!' 
 cried the commander ; ' damn my heart! you're a 
 pretty dog, an't you, to tell me so aboveboard to 
 my face ? Did I take charge of the cliaise ? Did I 
 stand at the helm r' ' No,' answered Hatchway, 
 * I must confess you did not steer ; but howsomever, 
 you cunned all the way, and so, as you could not 
 see how the land lay, being blind of your larboard 
 eye, we y\Qre fast asJiorc, Ijefore you knew any 
 tiling of the matter. Pipes, who stood abaft, can 
 testify the truth of what I say.' ' Damn my 
 limbs!' resumed the commodore, ' I don't value 
 what you or Pipes say a rope yarn. You're a 
 couple of muthious I'll say no more; but you 
 shan't run your rig upon me, damn ye. 1 am 
 the man that learnt you, Jack Hatchway, to splice 
 a rope, and raise a perpendicular.' 
 
 The lieutenant, who was perfectly well acquaint- 
 ed with the trim of his captahi, did not choose to 
 carry on the altercatiojv any farther; but taking 
 up his cann, drank to the healtlj of the stranger, 
 who very courteously returned tiie compliment, 
 without, however, presuming to join in the con-
 
 12 THE ADVENTITBES OF 
 
 versation, which suffered a considerable pause. 
 During- Ihis interruption, Mr. Hatchway's w it dis- 
 played itscll' in .several practical jokes upon the 
 commodore, with whom, he knew, it was danger- 
 ous to tamper in any other way. Being withoi'Jt 
 the sphere of his vision, he securely pilfered his 
 tobacco, drank his runibo, made wry faces, and 
 (to use the vulgar phras;") cocked his eye at him, 
 to the no small entertainment of the spectators, 
 Mr. Pickle himself not excepted, who gave evident 
 tokens of uiicommon satisfaction at the dexterity of 
 this marine pantomime. 
 
 iVIeanwhile, thecaptaiin'scholer gradually sub- 
 sided, and he was pleased to desire Hatchway, by 
 the familiar and friendly diminutive of Jack,,to rciid 
 a newspaper that lay on the table before him. This 
 tn&k wixa accordingly undertaken by the lame lieute- 
 nant,w ho, among other paragraphs, read that which 
 follows, with an elevation of voice that seemed 
 to g[ognosticate something extraordinary : ' We 
 are iniormed, that Admiral Bo\\er will very sooa 
 be created a Ijritish peer, for his eminent services 
 during the war, paiticularly in his- late engage- 
 ment w it h the French fleet . ' Trunnion was thun- 
 derstruck at this piece of intelligence. The mug 
 dropptd from his hand, and shivered into a thou- 
 sand pieces ; his eye glistened like that of a rattle- 
 snake, and some nunutcs elapsed before he could 
 
 >| pronounce, 'avast! overhaul that article again.' 
 * it was no sooner read the second time, than smit* 
 ing the table with his fist, he started up, and with 
 the most violent emphasis of rage aiKl indignation, 
 exclaimed, ' damn my heart and liver! 'tis a 
 land lie, d'ye see ; and 1 w ill maintain it to be a 
 
 " lie, from the sprit-sail yard to the mizen-top-sail 
 haulyards ! Blood and thunder ! Will Bower a 
 peer of this realm ! a fellow of yesterday, that 
 scarce knows a mast ft om a manger : a suottv nose
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 15 
 
 boy, whom I myself have ordered to the gun, for 
 stealing eggs out of the hencoops! and f, Ilauser 
 Tri; union, who commanded a ship before he could 
 keep a reckoning, am laid aside, d'ye see, and 
 forgotten ! If so be, as this be the case, there is a 
 . rotten phink in our constitution, which ought to be 
 ^ hove down and repaired, damn my eyes ! For my 
 own part, d'ye see, I was none of your Guinea 
 pigs; 1 did not rise in the service by parliament- 
 eering interest, or a handsome b of a wife. I 
 was not hoisted over the bellies of better men, nor 
 strutted athAvart the quarter-deck in a laced dou- 
 blet, and thingumbobs at the wrists. Damn my 
 limbs! I have been a hard-working man, and 
 served all olKces on-board from cook's shifter to 
 the command of a vessel. Here, you Tunley, 
 there's the hand of a seaman, you dog.' So say- 
 ing, he laid hold on the landlord's list, and honour- 
 ed him w ith such a squeeze, as compelled him to 
 roar with great vociferation, to the infinite satis- 
 faction of the commodore, whose features were a 
 little unbended, by this acknowledgement of his 
 vigour ; and he thus proceeded in a less outrage- 
 ous strain, ' Tlioy make a damned noise about 
 this engagement with the French ; but, egad! it 
 it was no more than a bumboatbattk', in compari- 
 son with some that 1 have seen. There was old 
 Rook and Jennings, and aiiothev whom Fll be 
 damned before I name, that knew what fighting 
 was. As for my own share, d'je see, I am none 
 of tliose that hollow in their own commendation; 
 but if so be that 1 were minded to stand my. own 
 trumpeter, some of those httle fellows that hold 
 their heads so high, would be taken all aback, as 
 the saying is ; they would be ashanietl to sliew 
 their colours, daiun my eyes ! I once lay i'ight 
 glasses along-side of the Flour de Louse, a French 
 mail of war; thougli her inetal was heavier^, and
 
 14' TBE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 her complement larger bj an hiimlred hands (ban 
 mine. You, Jack Hatchway, damn ye, what 
 d'ye grin at? d'ye think I tell a story, because 
 you never heard it before?' 
 
 ' Why, look ye. Sir, answered the lieutenant, 
 1 am glad to find you can stand your own trum- 
 peter on occasion ; thof 1 wish you would change 
 the tune ; for that is the same you have been pip- 
 ing every watch for these ten months past. Tun- 
 ley himself will tell you, he has heard it five hun- 
 dred times.' ' God forgive yon, Mr. Hatchway,' 
 said the landlord, interrupting him; 'as I'm an 
 honest man and a housekeeper, I never heard a 
 syllab of the matter.' 
 
 This declaration, though not strictly true, was 
 extremely agreeable to Mr. Trunnion, who, with 
 an air of triumph, observed ; ' aha! Jack, I 
 thought I should bring you up, with your jibes 
 uid your jokes ; but suppose you had heard it be- 
 fore, is that any reason why it should'nt be told" 
 to another person ? There's the stranger, belike he 
 has heard it five hundred times too; han't you, 
 brother?' addressing himself to Mr. Pickle ; who 
 replied, with a look expressing curiosity, 'no, 
 never,' he thus went on: ' Well, you -seem to 
 lie an honest quiet sort of a man ; and therefore 
 you must know, as I said Ijcfore, I fell in with a 
 French man of war. Cape Finisterre bearing about 
 
 \ six leaffues on the weather bow, and the chase 
 ^ three leagues to leeward, going before the wind ; 
 
 -A whereupon I set my studding sails, and, coming 
 up. with her, hoisted my jack and ensign, and 
 poured in a whole broadside, before you could 
 count three rattlins, in the mizen shrouds ; for 1 
 always keep a good look-out, and love to have (he 
 first fire.' ' That I'll be sworn, said Hatchway ; 
 for the day we made the Triumph, you ordered 
 
 ,^ the men to fire when she was huil-tO; by the same
 
 I'EftEGRINE PICKLE. 15 
 
 token we below pointed the guns at a flight of gulls; 
 and I won a cann of punch from the gunner, by 
 killing the first bird. Exasperated at this sar- 
 casm, he replied with great velicmence, ' you 
 lie, lubber! damn your bones ! what business have 
 you to come always athwart my hause in this man- 
 ner ? You, Pipes, was upon deck, and can bear 
 witness, whether or not 1 fired too soon. Speak, 
 you blood of a , and that upon the word of a 
 seaman ; how did the chase bear of us, when I 
 gave orders to fire ?' 
 
 Pipes, who had hitherto sat silent, being thus 
 callal upon to give his evitlence, after divers 
 strange gesticulations, opened his mouth like a 
 gasping cod, and with a cadence like that ofthe 
 east wind singing through a cranny, pronounced, 
 * half a quarter of a league right upon our lee- 
 beam.' ' Nearer, you porpuss-fac'd swab !' (cried 
 the commodore), ' nearer by twelve fathom ; but 
 howsomever, that's enough to prove the falsehood 
 of Hatchway's jaw and so, brother, d'ye see,' 
 (turning to Mr. Pickle), ' I lay alongside of the 
 Flour de Louse, yard-arm and yard-arm, plying 
 our great guns and smalt arms, and heaving in 
 stink-pots, powder-bottles, and hand-grenades, 
 till our shot was all expended, double-headed, 
 partridge, and grape ; then we loaded with iron 
 crows, marlin-spikes, and old nails ; but finding 
 the Frenchman took a great deal of drubbing, and 
 that he had shot away all our rigging, and killed 
 and wounded a great number of our men, d'ye 
 see, I resolved to run him on board upon his 
 quarter, and so ordered our grapplings to be got 
 ready; but Monsieur, perceiving what we were 
 about, filled his topsails and sheered off, leaving 
 us like a log upon the water, and our scuppers 
 rimning with blood.' 
 
 jMr. Pickle and the landlord paid such extraor-
 
 16 TIIE ADVENTURES 
 
 dinary atjt^Eti^n to the rehearsal of this exploit, 
 that Trunnion Mas encoura<^cd to entertain them 
 with more stories of the same nature ; after which 
 he observed, by way of encomium on the govern- 
 ment, that all he had gained in the service was a 
 lame foot and the loss of an eye. The lieutenant, 
 who could not find in his heart to lose any oppor- 
 tunity of being witty at the expence of his com- 
 mander, gave a loose to his satirical talent once 
 more, saying, ' I have heard as how you came 
 by your lame foot, by having your upper decks 
 Gverstowed with liquor, whereby 3'ou became 
 crank, and rpU'd, d'ye see, in such a manner, 
 that, by a pitch of tlie ship, your starboard heel 
 was jammed in one of the scuppers ; and as for the 
 matter of your eye, that was knocked out by your 
 own crew when the Lightning was paid off': there's 
 poor Pipes, who was beaten into all the colours of 
 the rainbow for taking your part, and giving you 
 time to sheer off: and I don't find as how you 
 liave rewardefl him according as he deserves.' 
 As the commodore could not deny the truth of 
 tliese anecdotes, however unseiisonably tliey were 
 introduced, he affected to receive them with good 
 humour, as jokes of the lieutenant's own invent- 
 ing; and replied, ' ay, ay. Jack, every body 
 knows your tongue is no slamler; but, howsomever, 
 I'll work you to an oil for this, you dog.' So ^\y- 
 ing, he lifted up one of his crutches, intending to 
 lay it gently across 3Ir. Hatchway's pate; but 
 Jack, with great agility, tilted up his wooden log, 
 with whicli lie warded off the blow, to the no small 
 admiratioir of Mr. Pickle, and utttn" astonishment 
 of the landlord, who, by the by, had expressed 
 the same amazement, at the same fent, atthesame 
 Jiour, every night for three months before. Trun* 
 nion then directing his tye to the boats wain's mate, 
 ' you, Pipes/ said he, ' do yon go about and tell 
 
 4
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 17 
 
 people that I did not rcAvard you for stand inc^ by 
 me, Avhen I was hussled by these rebellious rap- 
 scallions; damn you, han't you been rated on the 
 books ever since?' Tom, who indeed had no 
 words to spare, sat smoking his pipe with great 
 indifterence ; and never dreamed of paying any 
 regard to these interrogations ; which being re- 
 peated and reinforced with many oaths, that (how- 
 ever) produced no effect, the commodore pulled 
 out his purse, saying, ' here, you bitch's baby, 
 here's something better than a smart ticket ;' and 
 threw it at his silent deliverer, who received and 
 pocketed his bounty, without the least demonstra- 
 tion of surprise or satisfaction; while the donor, 
 turning to Mr. Pickle, ' you see, brother,' said 
 he, ' I make good the old saying, we sailors get 
 money like horses, and spend it like asses ; come. 
 Pipes, let's have the boatswain's whistle, and be 
 jovial.' This musician accordingly applied to 
 his mouth the silver instrument that hung at a 
 button hole of his jacket, by a chain of the same 
 roetol, and, though not quite so ravishing as the 
 pipe of Hermes, produced a sound so loud and 
 shrill, that the stranger (as it were instinctively) 
 stopped his ears, to preserve his organs of hearing 
 fiom such a dangerous invasion. The prelude be- 
 ing thus executed. Pipes fixed his eyes upon the 
 egg of an ostrich that dejicnded from the ceiling, 
 and without once moving them from that object, 
 performed the whole cantata in a tone of voice that 
 seemed to be the joint issue of an Irish b;jgpipe 
 and a sow-gel der's horn ; the commodore, the lieu- 
 tenant, and landlord, joined in the chorus, .re- 
 pealing this elegant stanza. 
 
 Bustle, bustle, brave boys! 
 
 Let us sii>o;, let us toil, ' 
 
 And drink all the while, 
 
 Si^ice labour's the price of our joys.
 
 IS THE ADVEXTUBES OF 
 
 The third line was no sooner pronounced, tiian 
 the caim was lifted to e\^ry man's mouth with ad- 
 mirable unifonnity ; and the next word taken 
 up at the end of their draught with a twang- equally 
 expressive and harmonious. In short, the com- 
 pany began to understand one another; Mr. Pickle 
 seemed to relish the entertainment, and a corres- 
 pondence immediately commenced between him 
 and Trunnion, who shook him by the hand, drank 
 to further acquaintance, and even invited lum to 
 a mess of pork and pease in tlie garrison. The 
 compliment wr.s returned, good fellowship pre- 
 vailed, and tlie night Avas prcKy far advanced 
 when the merchant's man arrived with a hmthorn 
 to light his master home ; upon which the new 
 friends paridd, after a mutual promise of meeting 
 next erening in the same place. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 JilfS. Grizzle exerts herself in finding a proper match for 
 kerlorther; wlw is accordingly introduced to the young 
 laxly ivivom he marries in due season. 
 
 I HAVE been the more circumstantial iu opening, 
 the character of Trunnion, because he bears a con- 
 siderable share in the course of these memoirs ; but 
 now it is high lime to resume the consideration of 
 Mrs. Grizzle, who, since her arrival in the coun- 
 try, had been engrossed by a double care, namely 
 that of finding a suitable match for her brother, 
 and a comfortal)le yoke-fclIow for herself. 
 
 Neither was this aim the result of any sinister or 
 frail suggestion, but the pure dictates of that laud- 
 able ambition, which prompted her to the preserv- 
 ation of the family name. Nay, &o disinterested
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 19 
 
 VI as she in this pursuit, that, postponing her near- 
 est concern, or at least leaving her own fate to the 
 silent operation of lier chanus, she laboured with 
 such indefatiirable zeal in behalf of her brother, 
 that, before they bad been three months settled in 
 the country, the general topic of conversation in 
 the neighbourhood, was an intended match be- 
 tween the rich Mr. Pickle, and the fair Miss Ap- 
 pleby, daughter of a gentlenum who lived in tlie 
 next parish, and who, though he liad but little 
 fortune to bestow upon his children, had (to use 
 his own phrase) replenished their veins with some 
 of the best blood in the country. 
 
 Til is 3'oung lady, whose character and disposi- 
 tion Mrs. Grizzle had investigated to her own sa- 
 tisfaction, was destined for the spouse of Mr. Pic- 
 kle, and an overture accordingly made to her fa- 
 tlier, who being overjo}ed at the proposal, gave 
 his consent without hesitation, and even recom- 
 mended the immediate execution of the project 
 with such eajxerness, as seemed to iiidigsLte either a 
 suspicion of ^Ir. Pickle's constancy" or adillidence 
 of his own daughter's complexion, which perhaps 
 he thought too sanguine to keep much longer 
 cool. The previous point being thus settled, our 
 merchant, at the instigation of Mrs. Grizzle, went 
 to visit his future father-in-law, and was introdu-* 
 ccd to the daughter, with whom he had^ that same 
 afternoon, an opportunity of being alone. What 
 passed in that interview, I never could learn, 
 though, from the character of the suitor, tlte 
 reader may justly conclude, that she was not much 
 teased with the impertinence of his addresses. He 
 was not, I believe, the less welcome for that rea- 
 son ; certain it is, she made no objection to his ta- 
 citurnity, and, when her father communicated his 
 resolution, acquiesced with the most pious resigna- 
 tion. But Mrs. Grizzle, in order ix) give the lady
 
 20 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 a more favourable idea of his intellects than" what 
 his conversation could possibly inspire, was re- 
 solved to dictate a letter, which her brother should 
 transcribe and transmit to his mistress, as the pro- 
 duce of his own understanding, and had actually 
 composed a very tender billet for this purpose ; 
 yet her intention was entirely frustrated by the 
 misapprehension of the lover himself, who, m con- 
 sequence of his sister's repealed admonitions, anti- 
 cipated her scheme, by writing for himself, and 
 dispatching the letter one afternoon, while Mrs, 
 Grizzle was visiting at the parson's. 
 
 Neither Avas this step the effect of his vanity or 
 precipitation ; but having often been assured by 
 his sister, that it Avas absolutely necessary for him: 
 to make a declaration of his love in writing, he 
 took this opportunity of acting in conformity with 
 her advice, when his imagination was unengaged 
 or undisturbed by any otlier suggestion, without 
 suspecting the least that she intendcfl to save him 
 the trouble of exercising his own genius. Left, 
 therefore, as he imagined, to his own inventions, 
 he sat down and produced the following raorceau, 
 which was transmitted to Miss Appleby, before 
 his sister and counsellor had the least intimation of 
 the aflair. 
 
 ' MISS SALLY APPLEBY, 
 
 * 3Iadam, understanding Vou have a parcel of 
 heart, warranted sound, to be disposed of, shall 
 be willing to treat for said commo;lity, on reason- 
 able terras. Doubt not shall agree fur same. Shall 
 wait of you for further information, when and 
 where you shall appoint. This the needful from 
 
 yours, &C. GAM. PICK.LE.' 
 
 This laconic epistle, simple and unadorned as 
 it was, met with as cordial a reception Iroui the 
 person to whom it was addressed, as if it had been
 
 PEREGRIXE PICKLE. 21 
 
 coiiclicd in the most elegant terms that delicacy of 
 
 Jjussion and cultivated t^nius could supply ; nay, 
 believe, was the more Avclcome, on account of 
 its merciMitile plainness: because, when an ad- 
 vantageous match is in view, a sensible woman 
 often considers the flowery professions and raptur- 
 ous exclamations of love as ensnaring ambiguities, 
 or at best impertinent prelfminaries, that retard 
 the treaty they are designed to promote ; whereas 
 Mr. Pickle removed all disagreeable uncertainty, 
 by descending at once to the most interesting par- 
 ticular. 
 
 She had no sooner, as a dutiful child, commu- 
 nicated this billet doux to her father, than he, as 
 a careful parent, visited Mr. Pickle, and, in pre- 
 sence of IVIrs. Grizzle, demanded a formal ex- 
 planation of his sentiments with regard to his 
 daughter Sally. Mr. Gamaliel, without any ce- 
 remony, assured him he had a respect for the 
 young woman, and, with his good leave, would 
 take her for better for worse. Mr. Appleby, after 
 having expressed his satisfaction that he had fixed 
 Lis afiections iji his family, comforted the lover 
 with the assurance of his being agreeable to the 
 young lady, and they forth\vitli proceeded to the 
 articles of the marriage-settlement, which being 
 discussed and determined, a lawyer was ordered to 
 engross them ; the wedding-clotlies were bought, 
 and, in short, a day was appointed for the cele- 
 bration of their nuptials, to which every body of 
 any fashion in the neighbourhood was invited. 
 Among these Commodore Trunnion and Mr. 
 Hatchway were not forgotten, being the sole com- 
 panions of the bridegroom, with whom, by this 
 time, they had contracted a sort of intimacy at 
 their nocturnal rendezvous. 
 
 They had received a previous intimation of what 
 was on the anvil from the landlord, before Mr.
 
 gg THE ADVENTURES OP 
 
 Pickle thought proper to declare himself; in con- 
 sequence of which, the topic of the one-eyed com- 
 mander's discourse at their meeting, for several 
 evenings before, had been the folly and plague of 
 matrimony, on which he held forth with great 
 vehemence of abuse, levelled at the fair sex, whom 
 he represented as devils incarnate, sent from hell 
 to torment mankind ; and, in particular, inveigh- 
 ed against old maids, for whom he seemed to 
 entertain a singular aversion ; while his friend Jack 
 confirmed the truth of all his allegations, and gra- 
 tified his own malignant vein at the same time, by 
 clenching every sentence with a sly joke upon the 
 married state, built upon some allusion to a ship 
 or seafaring life. He compared a woman to a 
 great gun, loaded with fire, brimstone, and noise, 
 which, being violently heated, will bounce and 
 fly, and play the devil, if you don't take special 
 care of her breechings. He said she was like a 
 hurricane, that never blows from one quarter, but 
 veers about to all points of the compass : he likened 
 her to a painted galley curiously rigged, with a 
 leak in her hold, which her husband wouhl never 
 be able to stop. He observed that her inclinations 
 were like the bay of Biscay ; for why ? because 
 you may heave your deep sea lead long enough 
 without ever reaching the bottom. That he who 
 conies to anchor on a wife, may find himself 
 mooretl in damned foul ground, and, after all, 
 can't for his blood slip his cable ; and that, for his 
 own part, thof he might make short trips for 
 pastime, he would never embark in woman on the 
 voyage of life, because he was afraid of foundering 
 in the first foul weather. 
 
 In all probability, these insinuations made some 
 impression on the mind of Mr. Pickle, who was 
 not \ery much inclined to run great risks of any 
 kind; but the injunctions and importunities of his
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 23 
 
 sister, who was bent npon the match, over-balan- 
 C(^d the opinion of his sea friends, who, finding 
 him (U'terniined to marry, notwithstanding all the 
 hints of caution they had thrown out, resolved to 
 accept his invitation, and honoured his nuptials 
 with their presence accordingly. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 TVie lehaviour of Mrs. Grizzle at the wedding, with an 
 account of the guests. 
 
 I HOPE it will not be thought uncharitable, if I 
 ;advance, by way of conjecture, that Mrs. Grizzle, 
 on this grand occasion, summoned her whole ex- 
 ertion, to play off the artillery of her charms upon 
 the single gentlemen Avho were invited to the en- 
 tertainment : sure I am, she displayed to the best 
 advantage all the engaging qualities she possessed : 
 her affability at dinner Avas altogether uncommon ; 
 her att entioi> to the guests was superfluously hos- 
 pitable fner tongue was sheathed with a most 
 agreeable and infantine lisp ; her address was per- 
 fectly obliging ; and though, conscious of the ex- 
 traordinary capacity of her mouth, she would not 
 venture to hazard a laugh, she modelled her lips 
 into an enchanting simper, which played upon 
 her countenance all day long ; nay, she even pro- 
 fited by that defect in her vision we have already 
 observed, and securely contemplated those features 
 which were most to her liking, while the rest of 
 the company believed her regards were disposed 
 in a quite contrary direction. With what humi- 
 lity of complaisance did she receive the compli- 
 ments of those who could not help praising the 
 elegance of the banquet ! and how piously did she
 
 24; THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 seize that opportunity of commemorating the ho- 
 nours of her sire, by observintr that it was no merit 
 in her to understand something of entertainments, 
 as she had occasion to preside at so many during 
 the mayoralty of her papa ! Far from discovering 
 the least symptom of pride and exultation, when 
 the opulence ofTier family became the subject of 
 conversation, she assumed a severity of counte- 
 nance ; and, after having moralized on the vanity 
 of riches, declared, that those who looked upon 
 her as a fortune were very much mistaken ; for her 
 father had left her no more than poor five thousand 
 pounds, which, with what little she had saved of 
 the interest since his death, was all she had to de- 
 pend upon : indeed, if she had placed her chief 
 felicity in wealth, she should not have been so for- 
 ward in destroying her own expectations, by ad- 
 vising and promoting the event at which they were 
 now so happily assembled ; but she hopled she 
 should always have virtue enough to postpone any 
 interested consideration, when it should happen 
 to clash with the happiness of her friends. Fi- 
 nally, such was her modesty and self-denial, that 
 slie industriously informed those whom it might 
 concern, that she was no less than three years older 
 than the bride ; though, had she added ten to the 
 reckoning, she would have committed no mistake 
 in point of computation. 
 
 To contribute as much as lay in her power to 
 the satisfaction of all present, she, in the after- 
 noon, regaled them with a tune on the harpsichord, 
 accompanied with her voice, which, though not 
 the most melodious in the world, I dare say, would 
 have been equally at their service, could she have 
 vied with Philomel in song ; and as the last effort 
 of her complaisance, when dancing was proposed, 
 she was prevailed upon, at the request of her new 
 sister, to open the ball in person.
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 25 
 
 In a Avord, Mrs. Grizzle Avas tlie prijicipal figure 
 in this festival, and almost eclipsed the bride, who, 
 far from seemini^ to dispute the pre-eminence, very 
 wisely allowed her to make the best of her talents ; 
 contenting herself with the lot to which fortune 
 had already called her, and which she imagined 
 would not be the less desirable, if her sister-in-law 
 were detached from the family. 
 
 I believe I need scarce advertise the reader, that, 
 during this whole entertainment, the commodore 
 and his lieutenant were quite out of their element; 
 and this, indeed, was the case with the bride- 
 groom himself, who, being utterly unacquainted 
 with any sort of polite commerce, found himself 
 under a very disagreeable restraint during the whole 
 scene. 
 
 "Trunnion, who had scarce ever been on shore 
 till, he was paid off, and never once in his w hole 
 life in the company of any females above the rank 
 of those who herd upon the Point at Portsmouth, 
 w as more embarrassed about hi%behaviour than if 
 he had been surrounded at sea by the Avhole French 
 navy. He had never pronounced the word madam 
 since he was bom ; so that, far from entering into 
 any conversation with the ladies, he would not 
 even return the compliment, or give the least nod 
 of civility, when they drank to his health; and, I 
 verily b(ilieve, woukl rather have suffered sufFoca^ 
 tion than allowed the simple phrase yoitr ser- 
 Tant to proceed from his mouth. lie was alto- 
 gether as inflexible with respect to the attitudes of 
 his body ; for, either through obstinacy or bash- 
 fulness, he sat upright without motion, insomuch 
 that he provoked tlie mirth of a certain wag, who, 
 addressing himself to the lieutenant, asked whether 
 that was the commodore himself, or the wooden 
 lion that used to stand at hi& gate ? An image to 
 
 Vol. I. " B
 
 26 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 ^vliiclj, it must be owned, Mr. Trunnion's person 
 bore no faint resemblance. 
 
 Mr. Hatchway, who was not quite so unpolish- 
 ed as the commodore, and had certain notions that 
 seemed to approach the ideas of common life, 
 made a less uncouth appearance ; but then he was 
 a wit, and though of a very peculiar genius, par- 
 took largely of that disposition which is common 
 to all wits, who never enjoy themselves except 
 w hen their talents meet with those m^|s3 of distinc- 
 tion and veneration, which, in their opinion, they 
 desenc. 
 
 These circumstances being premised, it is not to 
 be wondered at if tliis triumvirate made no objec- 
 tions to the proposal, when some of the grave per- 
 sonages of the company made a motion for adjourn- 
 ing into another apartment, where they might en- 
 joy their pipes and bottles, while the young folks 
 indulged themselves in the continuance of their 
 own favourite diversion. Thus rescued, as it 
 were, from a state of annihilation, the first use the 
 two lads of the castle made of their existence was 
 to ply the bridegroom so hard with bumpers that, 
 in less than an hour, he made divers efforts to sing, 
 and soon after was carried to bed, deprived of all 
 manner of sensation, to the utter disappointment of 
 the bride men and maids, who, by this accident, 
 were prevented from throwing the stocking, ami 
 perlbrming certain other ceremonies practised on 
 such occasions. As tor the bride, she bore this 
 misfortune with great good humour; and, indeed, 
 on all occasions, behaved like a discreet woman, 
 jjcifeclly well acquainted with the nature of her 
 own situation.
 
 I'CiiEGiaM: ricKLE. 27 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 Mrs. PicUe assumes the reins of government in her own 
 family. . . . Her sister-in-law undertakes an enterprise 
 if great moment. . . . lut is for some time diverted from 
 her purpose by a very interesting consideration. 
 
 Whateveu deference, not to say submission, she 
 Imd paid to Mrs. Grizzle before she was so nearly 
 allied (o her family, she no sooner became Mrs. 
 Pickle than she thoui^ht it incumbent upon her 
 to act up to the dignity of the character ; and the 
 very day after the marriage ventured to dispute 
 "with her sister-in-law on the subject of her own pe- 
 digree, which she aflirmed to be more honourable 
 in all respects than that of her husband ; observing 
 that several younger brothers of her house had ar- 
 rive<l at the station of lord mayor of London, 
 which, was the highest pitch of greatness that any 
 of Mr. Pickle's predecessors had ever attained. 
 
 This presumption was like a thunderbolt to Mrs. 
 Grizzle, who began to perceive that she had not 
 succeeded quite so well as she hnagined, in select- 
 ing for her brother a gentle and obedient yoke-fel- 
 low, who would always treat her with that pro- 
 found respect which she thought due to her supe- 
 rior genius, and be entirely regulated by her ad- 
 vice and direction : however, she still continued 
 to manage the reins of government in the house, 
 vepreheiuling the servants as usual ; an office she 
 performed with great capacity, and in which she 
 seemed to take singular delight, until Mrs. Pickle, 
 on pretence of consulting her ease, told her one 
 day she would take that trouble upon herself, and 
 for the future assume the management of her owji 
 family. Nothing could be more mortifying to 
 
 B2
 
 28 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 JNIrs. Grizzle than such a declaration, to which, 
 after a considerable pause, and strange distortion 
 of look, she replied, ' I shall never refuse or repine 
 at any trouble that may conduce to my brother's 
 advantage.' ' Dear jMadam,' ansAvered the sister, 
 * I am infinitely obliged to your kind concern for 
 iVlr. Pickle's interest, which I consider as my own, 
 but I cannot bear to see you a sufferer by your 
 friendship ; and, tlierefore, insist upon exempting 
 you from the fatigue you have borne so long.' 
 
 In vain did the other protest that she took plea- 
 sure in the task ; IVIrs. Pickle ascribed the assur- 
 ance to her excess of complaisance, and expressed 
 such tenderness of zeal for her dear sister's health 
 and tranquillity, that the reluctant maiden found , 
 herself obliged to resign her authority, without en- 
 joying the least pretext for complain uig of her be- 
 ing deposed. 
 
 This disgrace was attended by a fit of peevish 
 devotion that lasted three or four weeks 5 during 
 which period she liad the additional chagrin of 
 seeing the young lady gain an ascendancy over the 
 mind of her brother, who was persuaded to set up 
 a gay equipage, and improve his housekeeping, 
 by an augmentation in his expencc to the amount 
 of a thousand a 3'ear at least; though his altera- 
 tion in the economy of his household effected no 
 change in his own disposition, or manner of life ; 
 for as soon as the painful ceremony of receiving 
 and returning visits was performed, he had re- 
 course again to the company of his sea friends, 
 with whom he spent the best part of his time. But 
 if he was satisfied with his condition, the case was 
 otherwise with Mrs. Grizzle, who, finding her im- 
 portance in the family greatly diminished, her at- 
 tractions neglected by all the male sex in the neigh- 
 ])oinhood, and the withering hand of time bang 
 threatening over her head, began to feel the horror
 
 PEREGHIXE PICKLE. 29 
 
 of elerruil virginit}', and, in a sort of desperation, 
 resolved at any rate to rescue lierself from that un- 
 comfortable situation. Thus determined, she form- 
 ed a plan, the execution of which, to a spirit less 
 enterprisin<; and snlKcient than hers, would have 
 aj>jieared altogether impracticable; this was no 
 other than to make a conquest of the commodore's 
 lieart, which the reader will easily believe was not 
 yery susceptible of tender impressions; but, on the 
 contrary, fortified with insensibility and prejudice 
 against the charms of the whole sex, and particu- 
 larly prepossessed to the prejudice of that class dis- 
 tinguished by the appellation of old maids, in 
 which Mrs. Grizzle was by this time unhappily 
 ranked. She nevertheless took the fiel;l, and, hav- 
 ing invested this seemingly impregnable fjrtrcss, 
 Ix'gan to break ground one day, Avhen Trunnion 
 dhiedat her brother's, by springing certain en- 
 snaring commendations on the honesty and sincerity 
 of seafaring people, paying a {)articular altexUion 
 to his plate, and affecting a simper of approbalTon 
 at every thing he said, which by any means she 
 could construe into a joke, or wit!i modesty be sup- 
 posed to hear ; nay, even when he left decency on 
 tl:^ left hand, Avhich Avas often the case, she ven- 
 tured to reprimand his freedom of speech with a 
 gracious grin, saying, ' sure you gentlemen be- 
 longing to the sea have such an odd way Avitli you.' 
 But all this complacency was so ineffectual, that, 
 far from suspecting the true cause of it, the com- 
 modore, that very evening, at the club, in pre- 
 sence of her brother, w ith whom by this time he 
 could take any manner of freedom, did not scruple 
 to damn her for a squinting, block-faced, chatter- 
 ing piss-kitchen ; and immediately after drank de- 
 spair to all old maids. The toast iMr. Pickle 
 pledged without the least hesitation, and next day 
 intimated to his sister, who bore the indignity witlt- 
 
 B3
 
 30 ' THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 surpiisLng resignation, anil- did not therefore desist 
 from her scheme, unpromising as it seemed to be, 
 until her atteijtion \vas calj(;d off", anden^iged in 
 another care, vnliTch, for some time, interrupte3~~' 
 the progress of this design. Her sister had not 
 been mamed many months ^vhcn she exhibited 
 evident symptogjs of pregnancy, to the general satis 
 faction oFall concerned, and the inexpressible joy 
 of Mrs. Grizzle, Avho (as Ave have already hinted) 
 was more interested in the preservation of the fami- 
 ly name than in any other consideration what- 
 ever. She therefore no sooner discovered appear- 
 ances to justify and confirm her hopes, than post- 
 poning her own purpose, and laying aside that 
 pique and resentment she had conceived from the 
 behaviour of Mrs. Pickle, wiienshe superseded her 
 authority, or perhaps considering her in no other 
 light than that of the vehicle which contained and 
 was destined to convey her brother's heir to light, 
 she determined to exert her uttermost in nursing, 
 tending, and cherishing, her, during the term of 
 lier important charge. With this view she pur- 
 chased Culpepper's Midwifery, which, with tliat 
 ^gaciQi;^ performance dignified with Aristotle's 
 name, she studied with indefatigable care, and cti- 
 ligently perused the Complete housewife, together 
 with Quincy's Dispensatory, culling every jelly, 
 marmalade, and conserve, which these authors re- 
 commend as either salutary or toothsome, for the 
 l)enefit and comfort of her sister-in-law, during her 
 gestation. She restricted her from eating roots, 
 pot-herbs, fruit, and all sorts of vegetables ; and 
 one day, when Mrs. Pickle had plucked a pcacli 
 with her own hand, and was in the very act of 
 putting it l>ctween her teeth, I\Irs. Grizzle per- 
 ceived the rash attempt, and, running np to her, 
 fell upon her knees in the garden, entreating her, 
 with tears in her eyes, to resist such a pernicious
 
 PEUEGRIiVE PICKLE. 31 
 
 appclite. Iler request was no sooner complictl 
 with, than, recollecting that, it' her sister's long;- 
 ing- was baulked, the child might Ixjaflected with 
 some disagreeiible mark, or deplorable disease, she 
 begged as earnestly that she would swallow the 
 fruit, and, in the meantime, ran for some cordial 
 water of her own composing, which she forced 
 upon her sister, as an antidote to the poison she 
 had received. 
 
 This excessive zeal and tenderness did not fail 
 to be very troublesome to Mrs. Pickle, who having 
 revolved divers plans for the recovery of her own 
 ease, at length determined to engage Mrs. Grizzle 
 in such employment as would interrupt that close 
 attendance which she found so teasing and disagree- 
 able. Neither did she wait long for an oppor- 
 tunity of putting her resolution in practice. The 
 very next day, a gentleman happening to dine 
 with Mr. Pickle, unfortunately mentioned a pine- 
 apple, part of wliich Ik had eaten a week before 
 at the house of a nobleman, who lived in another 
 part of the country, at the distance of a hundred 
 miles at least. 
 
 The name of this fatal fruit was no sooner pro- 
 nounced than Mrs. Grizzle, who incessantly watch- 
 ed her sister's looks, took the alarm, because she 
 thought they gave certain i ndications of cu riosity 
 and desire ; and, after having observodTtliairshe 
 herself could never eat pine-apples, which were al- 
 together unnatural productions, extorted by the 
 force of artificial lire out of filthy manure, asked, 
 with a fauhering voice, if Mrs. Pickle was not of 
 her way of thinking? This young lady, who want- 
 ed neither slyness nor penetration, at once diyiij^d 
 Jier meaning, and replieclyvv ith seeming unconcern, 
 that, for her own part, she should never repine if 
 there was not a pine-apple in the universe, pro-
 
 32 THE ADVliN'TUKES OF 
 
 vided she could indulge herself with the fruits of 
 her own country'. 
 
 This answer was calculated for the benefit of the 
 stranger, who would certainly have sufiered for his 
 imprudence by the resentment of Mrs. Grizzle, had 
 her sister expressed the least relish for the friiit in 
 questi(m. It had the desired effect, and re-estab- 
 lished the peace of the company, which was rioi 
 a little endangered by the gentleman's want of con- 
 sideration. Next morning, however, after break- 
 fast, the pregnant lady, in pursuance of her plan, 
 yawned, as it were by accident, full in the face of 
 Lci maiden sister, w ho being infinitely disturbed 
 by this convulsion, affirmed it was a symptom oi 
 longing, and insisted upon knowing the object in 
 desire, when Mrs. Pickle, assuming an affected 
 smile, told her she had eaten a most delicious pine- 
 apple in her sleep. This declaration was attended 
 with an immediate scream, uttered by Mrs. Grizzle, 
 who instantly perceiving her sister surprised 
 at the exclamation, clasped her in her arms, and 
 assured her, w ith a sort of a hysterical laugh, that 
 she could not help screaming with joy, because 
 she had it in her power to gratify her dear sister's 
 wish ; a lady in the neighbourhood having pro- 
 mised to send her, in a present, a couple of deli- 
 cate pine-apples, which she Mould that very day 
 go in quest of. 
 
 Mrs. Pickle would by no means consent to this 
 proposal, on pretence of sparing the other unne- 
 cessary fatigue ; and assured her, that if she had 
 any desire to eat a pine-apple, it was so faint, that 
 the disappointment could produce no bad conse- 
 quence. But this assurance was conveyed in a 
 manner (which she knew very well how to adopt) 
 that, instead of dissuading, rather stimulated, Mrs. 
 Grizzle to set out immediately, not on a visit to 
 that lady, whose promise she herself had feigned,
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. SS" 
 
 \Tith a view of consulting her sister's tranquillity, 
 but on a random search through the whole country 
 for this unlucky fruit, which was like to produce 
 so much vexation and prejudice to her and her fa- 
 ther's house. 
 
 During three whole days and nights, did she, 
 attended by a valet, ride from place to place, with- 
 out success, unmintlful of her health, and careless 
 of her reputation, that began to sulFer from the 
 nature of her inquiry, which was pursued with 
 such peculiar eagerness and distraction, that every 
 body with wliom she conversed looked upon her 
 as an unhappy person, whose iiitellects were not a 
 little disordered. 
 
 Baffled in all her researches within the county, 
 she at length resolved to visit that very nobleman, 
 at whose house the officious stranger had been (for 
 her) so unfortunately regaled, and actually arriv- 
 ed in a post-chaise at the place of his habitation, 
 where she introduced her business as an affair on 
 Avliich the happiness of a whole family depended. 
 By virtue of a present to his lordship's gardener 
 she procured the Hesperian fruit, with which she 
 returned in triumph. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Mrs. Grizzle is indefatigable in gratifying her sister's 
 lofigings. . . . Peregrine is born, and managed contrary 
 to the directiona and remonstrances of' his aunt, who is 
 disgusted upon that account, and resumes the plan 
 which she had- before rejected. 
 
 1 HE success of this device would have encourag- 
 ed Mrs. Pickle to practise more of the same sort 
 upon her sister-in-law, had she not been deterred 
 by a violent fever which seized her zealous ally, 
 
 B5
 
 S4 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 in consequence of the fatiijue and uneasiness sfic 
 had undergone ; which, while it lasted, as efi'ec- 
 tually conduced to her repose as any other stra- 
 tagem she could invent. But Mrs. Grizzle's health 
 was no sooner restored, than the other being as 
 much incommoded as ever, was obliged, in her 
 own defence, to have recourse to some other con- 
 trivance ; and managed her artifices in such a 
 manner as leaves it at this day a doubt whether 
 she was really so whimsical and capricious in her 
 appetites as she herself pretended to be ; for her 
 longings were not restricted to tlie demands of the 
 palate and stomach, but also affected all the other 
 organs of sense, and even invaded her imagination, 
 which at this period seemed to be strangely dis- 
 eased. 
 
 One time slie longed to pinch her husband's 
 ear; and it was with infinite difficulty that his 
 sister could prevail upon him to undergo the oper- 
 ation. Yet this task was easy? in comparison 
 with another she undertook for the gratification of 
 Mrs. Pickle's unaccountable desire ; which was 
 no other than to persuade the commodore to sub- 
 mit his chin to the mercy of the big-bellied lady, 
 who ardently wished for an opportunity of pluck- 
 ing three black hairs from his beard. \hen this 
 proposal was first communicated to Mr. Trunnion 
 by the husband, his answer was nothing but a 
 dreadful eflusion of oaths, accompanied with such 
 a stare, and delivered in such a tone of voice, as 
 terrified the poor bcseecher into immediate silence ; 
 so that Mrs. Grizzel was fain to take the whole 
 enterprise upon herself, and next day went to the 
 garrison accordingly, where, having obtained en- 
 trance by means of the lieutenant, who, Avhile his 
 commander was asleep, ordered her to be admit- 
 ted for the joke's sake, she waited patiently till he 
 turned out, and then accosted him in the yard,
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. - 35 
 
 ^vljcre he used to perform his morning Avalk. IIo 
 was thunderstruck at the appearance of a Avomaii 
 in a place which he had hitherto JiLcpt^sacrcd from 
 tlie whole sex, and immediately began to utter an 
 apostrophe to Tom Pipes, Avhose turn it was then 
 to watch ; when Mrs. Grizzle, falling on her knees 
 before him, conjured him, with many pathetic sup- 
 plications, to hear and grant her request, which 
 was no sooner siaoi|icd, than he bellowed in such 
 an outrageous manner, that the whole court re- 
 echoed the opprobrious term bitch, and the Avord 
 damnation, which he repeated with surprising vo- 
 lubility, without any sort of propriety or con- 
 nection ; and retreated into his penetralia, leaving 
 the baffled devotee in the humble posture she had 
 so unsuccessfully chosen to melt his obdurate 
 heart. 
 
 Mortifying as th is repulse must have been to a 
 lady of her stately disposition, she did not relink 
 qnish her aim, but endeavoured to interest the 
 commodore's counsellors and adherents in her 
 cause. With this view she solicited the interest 
 of iMr. Hatchway, who being highly pleased with 
 a circumsttiRce so productive of mirth and diver- 
 sion. Steadily entered into her measures, and pro- 
 mised to em])loy his whole influence for her satis- 
 faction ; antl as for the boatswain's mate, he was 
 (Tcnderetl propitious by the present of a guinea, 
 which she slipped into his hand. In short, Mrs. 
 Grizzle was continually engaged in this negocia- 
 tion for the space of ten days, during which the 
 conmiodore was so incessantly pestered with her - 
 remonstrances, and the admonitions of his associ- 
 ates, that he swore his people had a design upon 
 his life, which becoming a burthen to him, he at , 
 last complied, and was conducted to the scene like 
 a victim to the altar, or rather like a reluctant 
 bear, /when he is led to the stake amidst the shouts
 
 36 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 and cries of butchers and their dogs. After all, 
 thfs victory was not quite so decisive as the con- 
 querors imagined ; for the patient being set, and 
 the performer prepared with a pair of pincers, a 
 small dilftculty occurred : she could not for some 
 lime discern one black hair on the whole super- 
 fices of JMr. Trunnion's face ; w hen Mrs. Grizzle, 
 very much alarmed and disconcerted, had recourse 
 to a magnifybig glass that stood upon her toilet ; 
 and, after a most accurate examination, discover- 
 ed a fibre of a dusky hue, to which the instrument 
 being applied, Mrs. Pickle pulled it up by the 
 roots, to the no small discomposure of the owner, 
 w ho feeling the smart much more severe than he 
 had expected, startetl up, and swore he would not 
 part with another hair to save them all from damn- 
 ation. 
 
 Mr. Hatchway exhorted him to patience and re- 
 signation ; Mrs. Grizzle repeated her entreaties 
 with great humility ; but finding him deaf to all 
 her prayers, and absolutely bent upon leaving the 
 house, she clasped his knees, and begged for the 
 love of God that he would have compassion upon a 
 jlistressed family, and endure a little more for the 
 sake of the poor infant, who would otherwise be 
 born with a grey beard upon its chin. Far from 
 being melted, he was rather exasperated by this 
 reflection ; to which he replied with great indig- 
 nation, ' <lamn you for a 5^aiv.Tsighted bitch ! he'll 
 be hanged long enough before he has any beard 
 at all :' so saying, he disengaged himself from her , 
 embraces, flung out at the door, and halted home-^ 
 wards with such surprising sjieed, that the lieu- 
 tenant conld not overtake him until he had arriv- 
 ed at his ow n gate ; and IMrs. Grizzle was so much 
 affected with his escape, that her sister, in pure ,/ 
 compassion, desired she would not afflict herself, ^? 
 protesting that her orvn wish was already grati-
 
 PERECniNE TICKLE. 37 
 
 fied, for she had phicked three hairs at once, having 
 from the beginning been dubious of the commo- 
 dore's patience. But tlie labours of this assiduous 
 kinswoman did not end with the achievement of 
 this adventure ; her eloquence or industry was 
 employed without ceasing, in the performance of 
 other tasks imposed by the ingenious craft of her 
 sister-in-law, who, at another time, conceived an 
 insuppressible aftection for a fricassee of frogs, 
 which should be the genuine natives of France; 
 so that there was a necessity for dispatching a 
 messenger on purpose to that kingdom ; but, as she 
 could not depend upon the integrity of any com- 
 
 .jnon servant, Mrs. Grizzle undertook that pro- 
 vince, and actually set sail in a cutter for Bou- 
 
 "Togne, from whence she returnecl in eight-and- 
 forty hours with a tub full of those live animals, 
 which, being dressed according to art, her sister 
 would not taste them, on pretence that her fit of 
 longing was past ; but then her incUnations took 
 a dillcrent turn, and fixed themselves upon a cu- 
 rious implement belonging to a lady of quality in 
 the neighbourhood, which was report (h1 to be a 
 very great curiosity ; this was no other than a 
 porcelain chamber-pot of admirable workmanship, 
 contrived by the honourable owner, Avho kept it 
 for her own private use, and cherished it as an 
 utensil of inestimable value. 
 
 Mrs. Grizzle shuddered at the first hint she re- 
 ceived of her sister's desire to possess this piece of 
 furniture, because she knew it was not to be pur- 
 chased ; and the lady's character, which was none 
 of the most amiable in point of humanity and con- 
 descension, forbade all hopes of borrowing it for 
 a season ; she therefore attempted to reason down 
 this capricious appetite, as an extravagance of 
 imagination which ought to be combated and re- 
 pressed ; and IMrs. Pickle, to all appearance, was 
 
 f /f /! ; f s ;
 
 S8 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 convinced and satisfied by her. arguments and ad* 
 vice ; but, nevertheless, could make use of no 
 other convenience, and was threatened with a very 
 dangerous suppression. Roused at the peril ia 
 which she supposed her to be, IMrs. Grizzle flew 
 to the lady's house, and, having obtained a pri- 
 vate audience, disclosed the melancholy situation 
 of her sister, and implored the benevolence of her 
 ladyship ; who, contrary to expectation, received 
 her very graciously, and consented to indulge Mrs. 
 Pickle's longing. Mr. Pickle began to be out of 
 humour at the expence to which he was exposed 
 by the caprice of Iiis w ite, w ho was herself alarm- 
 ed at this last accident, and, for the future, kept 
 her fancy witliin bounds; insomuch, that, with- 
 out being subject to any more extraordinary trou- 
 ble, Mrs. Grizzle reaped thelong-wished-for fruits 
 of her dearest expectation in the birth of a tine 
 boy, Avhom her sister in a few months brought in- 
 to the world. 
 
 I shall omit the description of the rejoicings, 
 which were iniinite, on this important occasion, 
 and only observe, that Mrs. Pickle's mother and 
 aunt stood godmotliers, and the commodore assist- 
 ed at the ceremony as godfather to the child, who 
 was christened by the name of Peregrine, in com- 
 pliment to the memory of a deceased uncle. 
 While the mother was confined to her bed, and 
 incapable of maintaining her own authority, Mrs. 
 Grizzle took charge of the infant by a double claim ; 
 and superintended with surprising vigilance the 
 nurse and midwife in all the particulars of their 
 respective oftices, which were performed by her 
 express direction. But no sooner was J\Irs. Pickle 
 in a condition to re-assume the management of 
 lier own affairs, than she thought proper to alter 
 certain regulations concerning the child, which 
 had obtained in consequence of her sister's orders,
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 39 
 
 dircc<iii2r, amono^ otlicr innovations, tliat the ban- 
 dages with which the infimt had been so neatly 
 rolled up, like an Egyptian mummy, should be, 
 loosened and laid aside, in order to rid nature of 
 all restraint, and give the blood free scope to cir- 
 culate ; and with her own hands she plunged hira 
 headlong every morning in a tub full of cold wa- 
 ter. Tliis ojjeration seemed so barbarous to the 
 tender-hearted Mrs. Grizzle, that she not only op- 
 posed it with all her eloquence, shedding abun- 
 dance of tears over the sacrifice when it was nuide, 
 but toolf horse immediately, and departal for the 
 habitation of an eminent country physician, whom 
 she consulted in these words : ' Pray, doctor, is it 
 not both dangerous and cruel to be the means of 
 letting a poor tender infant perish, by sousing it in 
 water as cold as ice ?' ' Yes,' replied the doctor, 
 ' downright murder, 1 affirm.' ' I see yon are a 
 person of great learning and saga^yiy,' said the 
 other ; ' and I must beg yon will be so good as 
 to sigTiify your opinion in your own handwrit- 
 ing, ^iiie doctor -immediately complied with her 
 request, and expressed himself upon a slip of paper 
 to this purpose. 
 
 * These are to certify whom it may concern, that I firm- 
 ly believe, and it is my unalterable opinion, that whosO'- 
 ever letteth an infant perish, by sousing it in cold water, 
 even though the said water should not be so cold as ice, is 
 in effect guilty of the murder of the said infant as wit- 
 7iess my hand. comfit colycynth.* 
 
 Ilavhig obtained this certificate, for which the 
 physician was immediately acknowledged, she re- 
 turned, exulting, and hoping, with such authority, 
 to overthrow all opposition. Accordingly, next 
 morning, when her nephew was about to undergo 
 his diurnal baptism, she produced the commission, 
 >< hereby she conceived herself empowered to over-
 
 40 THE ADVEXTTJHES OF 
 
 rule such inhuman proceedings. But she was 
 disappohited in her expectation, coidident as it 
 was ; not that Mrs. Pickle pretended to differ in 
 opinion from Dr. Coljcynth, * for whose charac- 
 ter and sentiments, ' said she,' I have such venera- 
 tion, that I shall carefully observe the caution im- 
 plied in tliis very certificate, by which, far from 
 condemning my method of practice, he only as- 
 serts that JiilUng is murder ; an asseveration, the 
 truth of which it is to be hoped, I shall never dis- 
 pute.' 
 
 Mrs. Grizzle, who, sooth to say, had rather too 
 superficially considered the clause by which slie 
 thought herself authorized, perused the paper with 
 more accuracy, and was confounded at her own 
 want of geuetratipn. Yet, though she was con- 
 futed, she was by no means convinced that her 
 objections to the cold bath were unreasonable ; on 
 the contrary, after having bestowed sundry op- 
 probrious epithets on the physician, for his want 
 of knowledge and candour, she protested, in tlie 
 most earnest and solemn manner, against the per- 
 nicious practice of dipping the child ; a piece of 
 cruelty whicli, with God's assistance, she should 
 never suffer to be infiicted on her own issue ; and 
 washing her hands of the melancholy consequence 
 that would certainly ensue, shut herself up in her 
 closet, to indulge her sorrow and vexation. She 
 was deceived, however, in her prggw)stic : the 
 boy, instead of declining in point of TieainiTseemed 
 to acquire fresh vigour from every plunge, as if 
 he liad been resolved to discredit the wisdom and 
 foresight of his aunt, wiio, in all probability, could 
 r.cver forgive him for this want of reverence and 
 respect. This conjecture is founded upon her be- 
 haviour to him in ihc sequel of his infancy, during 
 which she was known to torture him uiore than 
 once, when she had oppoituuities of thrusting pins
 
 ' PEREGRINE PICKLE. 41 
 
 into liis flesh, without any danger of being detect- 
 ed. In a word, her allections were in a little time 
 altogether alienated from this hope of her family, 
 whom slie abandoned to the conduct of his mo- 
 ther, whose province it undoubtedly was to ma- 
 nage the nurture of her own child ; while she her- 
 self resumed her o])erations upon the commodore, 
 whom she was resolved at any rate to captivate 
 and enslave. And it must be owned, that Mrs. 
 Grizzle's knowledge of the human heart never 
 shone so conspicuous, as in the methods she pur- 
 sued for the accomplishment of this impoilant 
 aim. 
 
 Through the rough unpolishsd husk that cased 
 the soul of Trunnion, she could easily distinguish 
 a large share of that vanity and self-conceit that 
 generally predominate even in the most savage 
 breast ; and to this she constantly appealed. lu 
 his presence she always exclaimed against the 
 craft and dishonest dissimulation of the world, and 
 never failed of uttering particular invectives against 
 those arts of chicanery in which the lawyers are 
 so conversant, to the prejudice and ruin of their 
 fellow-creatures; observing, that, in a seafaring 
 lite, so far as she had opportunities of judging or 
 being informed, there was nothing but friendship, 
 sincerhy, and a hearty contempt ibr every thing 
 that was mean or selfish. 
 
 This kind of conversation, with the assistance 
 of certain particular civilities, insensibly made an 
 impression on the mind of the commodore, and 
 that the more effectually, as his former prepos- 
 sessions were built upon very slender foundations : 
 his antipathy to old maids, which he had con- 
 ceived upon hearsay, began gradually to diminish, 
 when he found they were not quite such infernal 
 animals as they had been represented ; and it was 
 not long before he was heard to observe, at the club,
 
 42 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 that Pickle's sister had not so much of the core of 
 bitch in her as he had imagined. This negative 
 compliment, by the medium of lier brother, soon 
 reached the ears of Mrs. Grizzle, who, thus en- 
 couraged, redoubled all her arts and attentionj_so 
 that, in less than three moiiths after, he in the 
 same place distinguished her with the epithet of a 
 damned sensible jade. 
 
 Hatchway taking the alarm at this declaration, 
 which he feared foreboded something fatal to his 
 interest, told his commander, with a sneer, that 
 she had sense enough to bring him to under her 
 stern ; and he did not doubt but that such an old 
 crazy vessel would be the Jjetter for being taken in 
 tow. * But, howsomever,' added this arch advis- 
 er, * I'd have you take care of your upper works ; 
 for if once you are made fast to her poop, egad ! 
 she'll spank it way, and make every beam in your 
 body crack witli straining.' Our she-projector's 
 whole plan had like to have been ruined by the 
 effect which this malicious hint had upon Trun- 
 nion, whose rage and suspicion being wakened at 
 once, his colour changed from tawny to a cada- 
 verous pale, and then shifting to a deep and dusky 
 red, such as we sometimes observe in the sky when 
 it is replete with thunder, he, after his usual pre- 
 amble of immeaning oatlis, answered in these 
 words : ^ Damn ye, you jurj^^legg-ed dog, you 
 would give all the stowage in your hold to be as 
 sound as I am ; and as for being taken in tow, 
 d'ye see, I'm not so disabled but that I canjie my 
 course, and perform my voyage, without any as- 
 sistance ; and egad ! no man shall ever see Hawser 
 Trunnion lagging astern in the wake of e'er a 
 b in Christendom.' 
 
 Mrs. Grizzle, who every morning interrogated 
 her brother Avith regard to the subject of his over- 
 night's conversation with his friends, soon receiv-
 
 PEREGRINE TICKLE. 43 
 
 etl tlie uuAM'lcome ncn,s of the commodore's aver- 
 sion to matrimony ; and, justly imputing the 
 greatest part of liis disgust to the satirical insinua- 
 tions of Mr. Hatchway, resolved to level this ob-- 
 structioa to her success, and actually found means 
 to interest hini in her scheme. She had, indeed, 
 On some occasions, a parlicidar knack at making 
 converts, being probably not unacquainted Avitli 
 that grand system of persuasion which is adopted 
 by the graitest personages of the age, as fraught 
 vvith maxims much more effectual thart all the 
 eloquence of Tully or Demosthenes, even when 
 supported by the demonstrations of truth : be- 
 sides, Mr. Hatchway's fidelity to his new ally was 
 confirmed by his foreseeing in his captain's mar- 
 riage an infinite fund of gratification for his own 
 cynical disposition. Thus, therefore, converted 
 and properly cautioned, he for the future suppress- 
 ed all the virulence of his wit against the raatrir 
 monial state; and, as he knew not how to open 
 his mouth in the positive praise of any person 
 whatever, took all opportunities of excepting Mrs 
 Grizzle by name fronriijie censures he liberally 
 bestowed upon the rest oFher sex. ' She is not a 
 drunkard, like Nan Castick of Deptford (he would 
 saj) ; not a nincompoop, like Peg Simper of 
 Woolwich ; not a brimstone, like Kate Coddle of 
 Chatham ; nor a sMcw', like Nell Griffin on the 
 Point at Portsmouth (ladies to whom, at different 
 times, they had both paid their addresses) ; but a 
 tight, good-humoured, sensible wench, who knows 
 very well how to box her compass ; well trimmed 
 aloft, and well sheatliwl alow, with a good cargo 
 under her hatches.' The commodore at first im- 
 agined this commendation was ironical, but hear- 
 ing it repeated again and again, was filled with 
 astonishment at this surprising change in the lieu- 
 tt'nant's behaviour ; and, after a long fit of mus-*
 
 44 THE ADVENTDRES OF 
 
 mg, concluded tliat Hatchway himself harboured 
 a matrimonial design on the person of Mrs. Grizzle. 
 Pleased with this conjecture , lie rallied Jack 
 in his turn, and one night toasted her health as a 
 compliment to his passion ; a circumstance which 
 the lad J learned next day by the usual canal of her 
 intelligence, and intcrpretati ng as tlie result of his 
 own tenderness for her, she congratulated herself 
 upon the victory she had obtained ; and, think- 
 ing it umiecessary to continue the resers^e she had 
 hitherto industriously afiected, resolved from that 
 day to sweeten her behaviour towards him with 
 such a dish of affection as could not fail to per- 
 suade him that he had inspired her with a recip- 
 rocal flame. In consequence of this determination, 
 he was invited to dinner, and, while he staid, 
 treated with such cloying proofs of her regard, 
 that not only the rest of the company, but even 
 Trunnion himself, perceived her drift ; and tak- 
 ing the alarm accordingly, could not help exclaim- 
 ing, ' oho ! I see how the land lies, and if I 
 don't weather the point I'll be damned.' Having 
 thus expressed himself to'ijis afflicted inamorata, 
 he made the hed of his way to the garrison, in 
 which he shut himself up for the space of icn 
 days, and had no commuhication with Bis friends 
 and domestics but by l^ks, Avhich were raost^ig- 
 nificantly picturesgue. ' 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 J)ivers stratagems are invented and put in practice, in 
 order to overcome the obstinacy of Trunnion, who at 
 length is teased and tortured into the noose of wedlock' 
 
 X HIS abrupt departure and unkind declaration 
 affected Mrs. Grizzle so much, that she fell sick
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 45 
 
 of sorrow and mortification ; and, aficr having 
 confined herself to her bed for tlir<;e days, sent for 
 Iier brother, told him she perceived her end draw- 
 ing near, and desired that a hiwyer might be 
 brought, in order to write lier last will. JVIr. 
 Pickle, surprised at her demand, began to act the 
 part of a comforter, assuring her that her distem- 
 per was not at all dangerous; and that lie would 
 instantly send for a physician, who would convince 
 lier that she was in no manner of jeopardy ; so 
 that there was no occasion at present to employ an 
 officious attorney in such a melancholy task. In- 
 deed, this affectionate brother was of opinion, that 
 a will was altogether superfluous at any rate, as 
 lie himself was heir at law to his sister's whole real 
 and personal estate. But she insisted upon his 
 compliance with such determined obstinacy, that 
 he could no longer resist her importunities ; and a 
 scriviner arriving, she dictated and executed her 
 will, in which she bequeathed to Commodore 
 Trunnion one thousand pounds to purchase a 
 mourning ring, which she hoped he would wear 
 as a pledge of her friends^ ij) and affection. Her 
 brotlier, though he did not much relish this testi- 
 mony of her love, nevertheless that same evening 
 gave an account of this particular to Mr. Hatch- 
 way, who was also, as Mr. Pickle assured him, 
 generously remembered by thetestatrix. 
 
 The lieutenant, fraught with this piece of intel- 
 ligence, watched for an opportunity, and as soon 
 as he perceived the commodore's features a little 
 unbended from that ferocious contraction they had 
 retained so long, ventured to inform him tliat 
 Pickle's bister lay at the point of death, and that 
 she had left him a thousand pounds in her will. 
 Til is piece of news overwhelmed him Avith confu- 
 sion, and i\Ir. Hatchway imputing his silence to 
 remorbc, resolved to take advantag-c of that favour-
 
 46 THE ADVEXTUnES OF 
 
 able moment, and counselled bim (o go and visit 
 the poor young woman, who was dving for love 
 of liira. But his admonition liappcned to be some- 
 what unseasonable ; for Trunnion no sooner heard 
 him mention the cause of her disorder, than, his 
 morosity recurring, he burst out into a violent tit 
 of cursing, and fbrwith betook himself again to his 
 hammock, where lie lay uttering, in a low growl- 
 ing tone of voice, a repetition of oaths and impre- 
 cations, for the space of four-and-twenty hours, 
 without ceasing. This was a delicious meal to 
 the lieutenant, who, eager to enhance tlie pleasure 
 of the entertainment, and, at the same time, con- 
 duce to the success of the cause he had espoused, 
 invented a stratagem, the execution of which had 
 all the effect he could desire. He prevailed upon 
 Pipes, who was devoted to lus service, to get up- 
 on tlie (op of the chimney belonging to the com- 
 modore's chamber, at midnight, and to lower 
 down by a rope a bunch of stinking whitings ; 
 which being peitbrmed, he put a speaking trum- 
 pet to his mouth, and hollowed down the vent, in 
 a voice like thunder, <. ' Trunnion ! Trunnion ! 
 turn out and l)c spliced, or lie still and be damn- 
 ed.' This dreadful note, the terror of which Avas 
 increased by the silence and darkness of the niglit, 
 as well as the echo of the passage through which 
 it was conveyed, no sooner reached tlie ears of tlie 
 astonished commodore, than turning his eye to- 
 wards the place from whence this solemn address 
 seemed to proceed, he beheld a glittering object 
 that vanished in an instant. Just as his supersti- 
 tious fear had improved the apparition into some 
 supernatural messenger clothed in shining array, 
 his opinion was contirmed by a sudden explosion, 
 which he took for thunder, though it Mas no other 
 than the noise of a pistol tired down the chimney 
 by the boatswain's mate, according to the instruc-
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 47 
 
 tions he had received ; and lie liad time enough to 
 tlescend before lie was in any danger of being de- 
 tected by his commander, who could not for a whole 
 hour recollect himself from the amazement and 
 consternation which had overpowered his facul- 
 ties. 
 
 At length, however, he got up, and rung his 
 bell with great agitation. He repeated the sum- 
 mons more than once ; but no regard being paid 
 to this alarm, his dread returned with double ter- 
 ror; a cold sweat bedewed his limbs, his knees 
 knocked together, his hair bristled up, and the re- 
 mains of his teeth were shattered to pieces in the 
 convulsive vibrations of his jaws. 
 
 In the midst of this agony, he made one des- 
 perate effort, and, bursting open the door of his 
 apcTrtment, bolted into Hatchway's chamber, which 
 happened to be on the same fioor. There he found 
 the lieutenant in a counterfeit swoon, who pretend- 
 ed to wake from his trance in an ejaculation of 
 ' Lord have mercy upon us !' And, being ques- 
 tioned by the terrified commodore, with regard to 
 what had happened, assured him he had heard 
 the same voice and clap of thunder by which 
 Trunnion himself had been discomposed. 
 
 Pipes, whose turn it was to watch, concurred in 
 giving evidence to the same purpose ; and the 
 commodore not only owned that he had heard the 
 voice, but likewise communicated his vision, with 
 all the aggravation which his disturbed fancy sug- 
 gested. 
 
 A consultation immediatel}^ ensued, in which 
 jMr. Hatchway very gravely observed, that the 
 finger of God was plainly perceivable in those sig- 
 npis. ; and that it would be both sinful and fo()mn 
 to disregard his commands, especially ,as the match 
 proposed was, in all respects-, more auveutageous 
 than any that one of his years and infirmities could 
 
 3
 
 48 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 reasonably expect: declaring, that, for his own 
 part, he would not endanger liis soul and body, 
 by living one day longer under the same roof with 
 a man who despised the holy Avill of heaven ; and 
 Tom Pipes adhered to the same pious resolution. 
 
 Trunnion's perseverance could not resist the 
 number and diversity of considerations that as- 
 saulted it ; he revolved in silence all the opposite 
 motives that occurred to his reflection ; and after 
 liaving been, to all appearance, bewildered in the 
 labyrinth of his own thoughts, lie wiped the sweat 
 from his forehead, and, heaving a piteous groan, 
 yielded to their remonstrances, in these words : 
 * Well, since it must be so, I think we must e'en 
 grapple : but, damn my eyes ! 'tis a damn'd 
 hard case that a fellow of my years should be com- 
 pelled, d'ye see, to beat up to whulward all the 
 rest of his life, against the current of his own in- 
 clination.' 
 
 This important article being discussed, ^Slr. 
 Hatchway set out in the morning to visit the de- 
 spairing shepherdess, and was handsomely reward- 
 ed for the enlivening tidings with wliicli he bless- 
 ed her ears. Sick as she was, she could not help 
 laughing heartily at the contrivance, in conse- 
 quence of which her swain's assent had been ob- 
 tained, and gave the lieutenant ten guineas for 
 Tom Pipes, in consideration of the part he actetl 
 in the farce. 
 
 In the afternoon, the commodore suffered him- 
 self to be conveyed to her apartment, like a felon 
 to execution, and was received by her in a lan- 
 guishing manner, and genteel dishabille, accom- 
 panied by her sister-in-law, who was, for very ob- 
 vious reasons, extremely solicitous about her suc- 
 cess. Tiiough the lieutenant had tutored him, 
 touching his l^ehaviour at this interview, he made 
 a thousand wry faces before he could pronounce
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 49 
 
 tlic simple salutation of liow d'ye ? to his mistress ; 
 and, alter his counsellor had urged him with 
 twenty or tliirty whispers, to each of which he 
 had replied aloud, ' damn your eyes, I won't,* 
 he got uj>, andv^halting towards the coiich on which 
 Mrs. Grizzfe retUncd in a state of strange expect- 
 ation, he seized her hand, and pressed it to his 
 lips ; but this piece of gallantry he performed in 
 such a reluctant, uncouth, indignant manner, that 
 the nymph had need of all her resolution to en- 
 dure the compliment without shrinking ; and he 
 himself was so disconcerted at what he had done, 
 that he instantly retired to the other end of the 
 room, where he sat silent, broiling with shame 
 and vexation. Mrs. Pickle, like a sensible ma- 
 tron, quitcd the place, on pretence of going to the 
 nursery ; and INIr. Hatchway, taking the hint, 
 recollected that he had left his tobacco pouch in 
 the parlour, whither he immediately descended, 
 leaving the two lovers to their mutual endear- 
 ments. Never had tlie commodore found him- 
 self in such a disagreeable dilemma before. He 
 sat in an agony of suspense, as if he every moment 
 dreaded the dissolution of nature ; and the implor- 
 ing sighs of his future bride added, if possible, to 
 the pangs of his distress. Impatient of his situa- 
 tion, he rolled his eye around in quest of some re- 
 lief, and, unable to contain himself, exclaimed, 
 ' damnation seize the fellow and his pouch too ! 
 f believe he has sheered off, and left me here in 
 the stays.' Mrs. Grizzle, who could not help tak- 
 ing some notice of this manifestation of chagrin, la- 
 mented her unhappy fate in being so disagreeable 
 to him, that he could not put up with her company 
 for a few moments without repining ; and began, 
 in very tender terms, to reproach him with his in- 
 humanity and indifference. To this expostula- 
 tion he replied, ' zounds ! what would the wo- 
 Vol. L G
 
 50 THE ADVEKTURES OF 
 
 man have ? let the parson do his office when he 
 Mool ; here I am ready to be reeved in the matri- 
 monial block, d'ye see, and damn all nonsensical 
 palaver.' So sayinj^, he retreated, leaving his 
 mistress not at all disobliged at his plain dealing. 
 That same cvenuig the treaty of marriage was 
 I)rought upon the carpet, and, by means of Mr. 
 I'ickle and the lieutenant, settled to the satisfac- 
 tion of all parties, without the intervention of law- 
 yers, whom Mr. Trunnion expressly excludcxl 
 from all share in the business ; making that con- 
 dition the indispensable preliminary of the whole 
 agreement. Things being brought to tliis bear- 
 ing, Mrs. Grizzle's heart dilated witli joy ; her 
 health, which, by the by, was never dangerously 
 injpaircd, she recovered as if by enchantment ; and 
 a day being fixed for the nuptials, employed the 
 sliort period of her celibacy in choosing ornaments 
 for the celebration of her entrance into the married 
 state. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 Preparations are made for the commodore's wedding, 
 tvhich is delayed by an accident that hurried him the 
 Lord knows whither. 
 
 The fame of this extraordinary conjunction spread 
 all over the county ; and on the day appointed 
 for their spousats, the church was surrounded by 
 an inconceivable multitude. The coinuuKlore, to 
 giv<^ a specimen of his gallantry, by the advice 
 of his friend Hatchway, resolved to appear on 
 horseback on the grand occasion, at the head of 
 all his male attendants, whom he had rigged with 
 the white, shirts and blackcaps formerly belong- 
 ing to his barge's crew ; and lie bought a coui)l<i
 
 PEREGni.VE PICKLE. M 
 
 ff luiJilcMs for Ibe accommodation of himself and 
 liis licutt'naiit. With (his cquipai^e then he set 
 out from the garrison for the churcli, after havin^j^ 
 dispatched a messenger to apprise the bride that 
 Jie antl his company were mounted. She got im- 
 mediately into the coach, accompanied by her 
 broHjer anil his wife, and droyc directly to the 
 j)Iace of assignation, where several pews were de- 
 molished, and divers persons almost pressed to 
 death, by the eagerness of the crowd that broke in 
 to sec the ceremony j)erforraed. Thus arrived at 
 the ahar, and the priest in attendance, they wait- 
 ed a whole half hour for the commodore, at whose 
 slowness tlicy began to be under some apprehen- 
 sion, and accordingly dismissed a servant to qnick- 
 en his pace. The valet havmg rode something 
 more than a mile, espied the whole troop disposed 
 in a long field, crossing the road obliquely, and 
 headed by the bridegroom and his friend Hatch- 
 Vtay, who, finding himself hindered by a hedge 
 iVom proceeding farther in the same direction, 
 fired a pistol, and stood over to the other side, 
 making an obtuse angle with the Une of his for- 
 mer course ; and the rest of the squadron followed 
 liis example, keeping always in the rear of each 
 other like a liight of wild geese. 
 
 Surprised at this strange method of journeying, 
 the messenger came up, and told the commodore 
 that his lady and her company expected him in 
 the church, where they had tarried a considerable 
 time, aiid were beginning to be very uneasy at his 
 delay ; and theretbre desired he would proceed 
 with more expedition. To this message Mr. 
 Trunnion replietl, ' hark ye, brother, don't you 
 see we make all possible speed ? go back, and tell 
 thost^ who sent you, that the wind has shifted since 
 Ave weighed anchor, and that we are obhg-ed to 
 make very short trips in tacking, by reason of the 
 
 C2
 
 52 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 narrowness of the channel ; arid that as we lie 
 within six points of the wind, they must make 
 some allowance for variation and leeway.' ' Lord, 
 sir ! said the valet, what occasion have you to go 
 zig-zag in that manner ? do but clap spurs to 
 your horses, and ride straight forward, and I'll 
 engage } ou shall be at the church-porch in less 
 than a quarter of an hour.' * What ! right in 
 the wind's eye ?' answered the commander, ' ahey ! 
 brother, where did you learn your navigation ? 
 Hawser Trunnion is not to be taught at this time 
 of day how to lie his course, or keep his own 
 reckoning. And as for you, brother, you best 
 know the trim of your own frigate.' The courier 
 finding he had to do with people who would not 
 be easily persuaded out of their own opinions, re- 
 turned to the temple, and made a report of what 
 he had seen and heard, to the no small consolation 
 of the bride, who had begun to discover some 
 signs of disquiet. Composed, however, by this 
 piece of intelligence, she exerted her patience for 
 the space of another half hour, during which 
 period, seeing no bridegroom arrive, she was ex- 
 ceedingly alarmed ; so that all the spectators could 
 easily perceive her perturbation, which maiiifest- 
 ed itself in frequent palpitations, heart-heavlrtgs, 
 and alterations of countenance, in spite of the as- 
 sistance of a smelling-ix)ttle, which she incessantly 
 applied to her nostrils. 
 
 Various were the conjectures of the company 
 on this occasion : somelmagillSd he had mistaken 
 the place of rendezvous, as he had never been at 
 church since he first settled in that parish ; others 
 believed he had met with some accident, in conse- 
 quence of which his attendants had carried him 
 back to his own house ; and a third set, in which 
 the bride herself was thought to be comprehendetl, 
 could not help suspecting that the commodore
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 53 
 
 had clianged his mind. But all these supposi- 
 tions, inji^^nious as they were, happened to be 
 wide of th(; true cause that detained him, which 
 was no other tlian this. The commodore and his 
 crew had, by dint of turning, almost Aveathered 
 the parson's house that stood to windward of the 
 clmrch, when the notes of a pack of hounds un- 
 luckily reached the ears of the two hunters which 
 Trunnion and the lieutenant bestrode. These fleet 
 animals no sooner heard the enlivening sound, 
 than, eager for the chase, they sprung away all 
 of a sudden, and strained every nerve to partake 
 of the sport, flew across the fields with incredible 
 speed, overleaped hedges and ditches, and every 
 thing in their way, witJiout the least regard to 
 their unfortunate riders. The lieutenant, whose 
 steed had got the heels of the other, finding it 
 would lie great folly and presumption in him to 
 pretend to keep the saddle with his wooden leg, 
 very Avisely took the opportunity of throwing him- 
 self ofl" in his passage through a field of rich clo- 
 ver, among which he lay at his ease ; and seeing 
 his captain advancing at full gallop, hailed him 
 with the salutation of * what cheer ? ho !' The 
 commodore, who was in infinite distress, eyeing 
 him askance, as he passed, replial with a faltering 
 voice, ' O damn you ! you are safe at an anchor ; 
 I wish to God I were as fast moored.' Neverthe- 
 less, conscious of his disabled heel, he would not 
 venture to try the experiment which had succeed- 
 ed so well with Hatchway, but resolved to stick as 
 close as possible to his horse's back, until Provi- 
 dence should interpose in his behalf. With this 
 view he dropped his whip, and with his right 
 hand laid fost hold on the pummel, contracting 
 every muscle in his body to secure himself in the 
 seat, and grinning most formidably, in conse- 
 quence of this exertion. lu this attitude he was 
 
 C3
 
 5i THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 hurried on a consklcrable ATaj, when all of a sud- 
 den his view was comforted by a five-bar gate that 
 appeared before him, as lie never doubted tluit 
 there the career of his hunter must necessarily 
 end. But, atas ! lie reckoned without his host : 
 Far from haltbio; at this obstruction, the horse 
 sprung over it with amazing agility, to the utter 
 I'onfusion and disorder of his owner, who lost his 
 hat and periwig in the leap, and now began io 
 think in good earnest that he was actually mount- 
 ed on the back of the devil. He recommended 
 himself to God, his reflection forsook him, his 
 eyesight and all his other senses failed, he quitted 
 the reins, and, fastening by instinct on the mane, 
 was in this condition conveyed uito the midst ojf 
 the sportsmen, who were astonished at the sight of 
 such an apparition. Neither was their surprise 
 to be wondered at, if we reflect on the figure that 
 presented itself to their view. The commodore's 
 person was at all times an object of admiration ; 
 much more so on this occasion, when every singu- 
 larity was aggravated by the circumstances of his 
 dress and disaster. 
 
 He had put on, in honour of his nuptials, his best 
 coat of blue broad cloth, cut by a tailor of Ramsgate, 
 and trimmed Avith five dozen of brass buttons, large 
 and small ; his breeches were of the same piece, 
 fastened at the knees with large bunches of tape ; h is 
 waistcoat was of red plush, lapelled with green 
 velvet, and garnished with vellum holes ; his boots 
 bore an infinite resemblance, Ijoth in colour and 
 shape, to a pair of leather buckets ; his shoulder 
 was graced with a broad bufi' belt, from whence 
 depended a huge hanger, with a hilt like that of 
 a b.acksword ; and on each side of his pummel 
 appeared a rusty pistol, rammetl in a case cover- 
 ed with a bearskin. The loss of his tie periwig 
 and laced hat, which were curiosities of the kind,
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 55 
 
 dill not at all conliibiilc to the improvement of 
 Hic picture, but, on the contrary, by exhibitini^ 
 liis bald pate, and the natural extension of his 
 l;nthorn jaws, added to tlie peculiarity and ex- 
 travag-ance of the whole. Such a spectacle could 
 jiot have failed of diverting the whole company 
 from the chase, had his horse thought proper to 
 pursue a different route, but the beast was too 
 keen a sporter to choose any other way than that 
 which the stag followed ; and therefore, without 
 >toppiug^ to gratify the curiosity of the spectators, 
 lie, in a few minutes, outstripped every hunter in 
 the field. There being a deep hollow way betwixt 
 him and the hounds, rather than ride round about 
 the length of a furlong to a path that crossed the 
 lane, he transported himself, at one jump, to the 
 imspeakablc astonishment and terror of a waggon- 
 er wlio chanced to be underueatli, and saw this 
 phenomenon fly over his carriage. This was not . 
 the only adventure he achieved. The stag hav- 
 ing taken a deep river that lay in his way, every 
 man directed his course to a bridge in the neigh- 
 bourhood ; but our bridegrooia's courser, despis- 
 ing all such conveniencies, plunged into the stream 
 without hesitation, aud swam in a twinkling to 
 the opposite shore. This sudden immersion into 
 an clement, of which Truimion was properly a 
 native, in all probability helped to recruit the ex- 
 hausted spirits of liis rider, who, at his landing on 
 the otiier side, gave sojne t(;[l5,gT of sensation, by 
 hollowing aloud for assisfanc(?, which he could 
 not possibly receive, because his horse still main- 
 laiued the advantage he had gained, and would 
 not allow himself to be overtaken. 
 
 In short, after a long chase, that lasted several 
 hours, ancl extended to a dozen miles at least, he 
 was the first in at the death of the deer, being 
 seconded by the lieutenant's ircldine-, which, ai- 
 
 C i
 
 56 THE adven'tuhes of 
 
 tuatcd by the same spirit, had, without a rider, 
 followed his companion's example. 
 
 Our bridegroom finding himself at last brought 
 up, or, in other words, at the end of his career, 
 took the opportunity of the first pause, to desire 
 the huntsmen would lend him a hand in dismount- 
 ing ; and was by their condescension safely plac- 
 ed on the grass, whsre he sat staring at the com- 
 pany as they came in, with such wildness of as- 
 tonishment in his t gpks, as if he had been a crea- 
 ture of another species, dropt among them from 
 the clouds. 
 
 Before they had fleshed the hounds, however, 
 he recollected himself, and seeing one of the sports- 
 men take a small flask out of his pocket and ap- 
 ply it to his mouth, judged the cordial to be no 
 other than neat coniac, which it really was ; and 
 expressing a desire of participation, was immedi- 
 ately accommodated with a moderate dose, which 
 perfectly completed his recovery. 
 
 By this time he and his two horses had engrossed 
 the att en tion of the w hole crowd ; while some ad- 
 mireTlt heelegant proportion and uncommon spi- 
 rit of the two animals, the rest contemplated the 
 gyfprising appearance of their master, whom be- 
 fore tHey had only seen en passant; and at length 
 one of the gentlemen accosting him very courte- 
 ously, signified his wonder at seeuig him in such 
 an equipage, and asked him if he had not drop- 
 ped his companion by the way ? ' Why, look 
 ye, brother,' replied the commodore, 'majhapyou 
 think me an odd sort of a fellow, seeing me in this 
 trim, especially as I have lost part of ray rigging ; 
 but this liere is the case, dVe see : I weighed an- 
 chor from my own house this morning at ten 
 A.M. with fair weather and a favourable breeze 
 at south-south-east, being bound to the next 
 church on the voyage of matrimony : but how-
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 57 
 
 somcvcr, we had not run down a quarter of a 
 league, when the wind shifting, blowed directly 
 in our teeth ; so that we were forced to tack all 
 the way, d'ye see, and had almost beat up within 
 sight of the port, when these sons of bitches of 
 horses, which 1 had bought but two days before 
 (lor my own part, I believe they are devils incar- 
 nate), lulled roiuid in a trice, and then refusing 
 the helm, drove aw ay like lighlniug with me, and my 
 lieutenant, who soon came to anchor in an exceed- 
 ing good birth. As for my owoi part I have been 
 carried over rocks, and flats, and quick-sands ; 
 among which I have pitched away a special good 
 tie periwig, and an iron bound hat ; and at last, 
 thank God ! am got into smooth water and safe 
 riding ; but if ever I venture my carcass upon 
 such hare'um scarc'um blood of a bitch again, my 
 name is not Hawser Trunnion, damn my eyes !' 
 
 One of the company struck with this name, 
 which he had often heard, immediately laid hold 
 on his declaration at the close of this singular ac- 
 count ; and observing that his horses were very 
 vitious, asked how he intended to return ? * As 
 for tiiat matter,' replied Mr. Trunnion, ' I am re- 
 solved to hire a sledge or waggon, or such a thing 
 as a jack-ass ; tor I'll be damn'd if ever I cross 
 the back of a horse again.' ' And what tlo yon 
 propose to do with these creatures ?' (said the 
 otlicr, pointing to the hunters), ' they seem to have 
 some mettle ; but then they are mere colts, and 
 will take the devil and all of breaking. Methinks 
 this hinder oae is shoulder-slipped.' ' Damn 
 them,' cried the commodore, ' I wish both their 
 ncclis were broke, tliof the two cost me forty good 
 yeilow-boys.' ' Forty guineas !' (exclaimed the 
 stranger, w ho was a 'squire and a jokey, as well 
 as ow ner of the pack),' ' Lord ! lord ! how a man 
 may be imposed upon ! Why, these cattle are 
 
 C 5
 
 58 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 clumsey enough to go to plough ; mind what a 
 flat counter ; do but observe how sliarp this here 
 one is in the withers ; then he's fired in the further 
 fetlock.' In short, this connoisseur in horse flesli, 
 having discovered in them all the defects which 
 can pasibly be found in that species of animals, 
 oflered to give him ten guineas for the two, saying 
 he would convert them into beasts of burthen. 
 The owner, who (after what had happened) was 
 very well disposed to listen to any thing that was 
 said to theu- prejudice, implicitly believed the 
 truth of the stranger's asseverations, discharged a 
 furious volley of oaths against the rascal who had 
 taken him in, and forthwith struck a bargain with 
 the squire, who paid him instantly for his pur- 
 chase ; in consequence of which he won the plate 
 at the next Canterbury races. 
 
 This affair being transacted to the mutual satis- 
 faction of both parties, as well as to the general 
 entertainment of the company, who laughed in 
 their sleeves at the dexterity of their friend. Trun- 
 nion was set upon ihe squire's own horse, and led 
 by his servaiit in the midst of this cavalcade, 
 which proceeded to a neighbouring village, Avhere 
 they had bespoke dimier, and where our bride- 
 groom found means to provide himself with an- 
 other hat and wig. With regard to his marriage, 
 he bore his disappointment with the temper of a 
 ])hilosopher ; and the exercise he had imdergone 
 having quickened his appetite, sat down at table 
 in the midst of his new acquauitance, making a 
 very hearty meal, and moistening evcrj* morsel 
 with a draught of the ale, which he found very 
 much to his satisfaction.
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 59 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 He is found ly the lieutenant reconducted to his own 
 
 house. . . .married to Mrs. Grizzle who vieetswitli 
 
 a small misfortune in the night, and asserts her prero- 
 gative next morning in consequence of which, her 
 
 husband's eye is endangered. 
 
 JViEANWHiLE Lieutenant Hatchway made shift 
 to hobble to the church, wliere he iufornied the 
 company of what had happened to the commo- 
 dore ; and the bride beliaved with great decency 
 on the occasion ; for, as soon as she imderstood 
 the danger to which her future husband was ex- 
 posed, she fainted in the arms of her sister-in-law, 
 lo the surprise of all the spectators, who could not 
 comprehend the cause of lier disorder ; and when 
 she was recovered by the application of smelling 
 bottles, earnestly begi^ed that Mr. Hatchway and 
 Tom Pijies would take her brother's coach, and 
 go in quest of their commander. 
 
 This task they readily undertook, being escort- 
 ed by all tiie rest of his adherents on horseback ; 
 w hile the bride and her friends were invited to the 
 parson's liouse, and the ceremony deferred till 
 another occasion. 
 
 The lieutenant, steering his course as near the 
 line of direction in which Trunnion went off, as 
 the coach road would permit, got intelligence of 
 his track from one farm-house to another ; for 
 such an aj_^parition could not fail of attracting 
 piirttculaf notict^ ; and one of the horsemen haring 
 picked up his hat m d wig in a bye path, the 
 Av hole troop entered the village where he was lodg- 
 ed, about tour o'clock in the afternoon. When 
 i\ey understood he was safely housed at the Geor^e^ 
 they rode up to the door in a body, and expressed -
 
 60 THE ADVENTUHES OF 
 
 their satisfaction in three cheers ; \vhich Tvere ic- 
 turned by the company within, as soon as they 
 were instructed in the nature of tlie sahite by 
 Trunnion, who by <]iis time had entered into all 
 the jollity of his new friends, and was indeed more 
 than half seas over. The lieutenant was intro- 
 duced to all present as his sworn brother, and had 
 something tossed up for his dinner. Tom Pipes 
 and the crew were regaled in another room ; and 
 a fresh pair of horses being put to the coach, about 
 six in the evening the commodore, with all his 
 attendants, departed for the garrison, after having 
 shook hands with every individual in tlie house. 
 
 Without any farther accident, he was conveyed 
 in safety to his ow.n gate, before nine, and com- 
 niited to the care of Pipes, who carried him in- 
 stantly to his hammock, while the lieutenant was 
 driven away to the place where the bride and her 
 friends remained in great anxiety, which vanished 
 when he assured them that his commodore was 
 safe, being succeeded by abundance of mirth and 
 pleasantry at the account he gave of Trimnion's 
 adventure. 
 
 Another day was fixed for the nuptials ; and in 
 order to baulk the curiosity of idle people, which 
 had given great offence, Tlie parson was prevailed 
 upon to perform the ceremony in the garrison, 
 which all that day was adorned with flags and pen- 
 dants displayed, and at night illuminated by the 
 direction of Hatchway, who also ordered the pa- 
 tereroes to be fired as soon as the marriage knot 
 was tied. Neither were tlie other parts of the en- 
 tertainment neglected by this ingenious contriver, 
 who produced undeniable ^)roofs of his elegance 
 and art in the wedding supper,' which had been 
 committed to his management and direction. 
 This genial banquet was entirely composed of sea- 
 dishes : a huge pillaw, consisting of a large piece
 
 PEnEGRINE PICKLE. 61 
 
 of beef sliced, a couple of fowls, and half a peck 
 of rice, smoked in the middle of the board ; a dish 
 of hard fish swimming in oil, appeared at each 
 did, the sides being furnished with a mess of that 
 savonrj composition known by the name of lobs- 
 ooiirse, and a plale of salmagundy. The second 
 course dis])laycd a goose of a monstrous magni- 
 tude, flanked with two Guinea hens, a pig bar- 
 becn'd, an hock of salt pork in the midst of a pease 
 pudding, a leg of mutton roasted, with potatoes, 
 and another boiled with yams. The third service 
 Avas made up with a loin of fresh pork with apple 
 sause, a kid smothered Avith onions, and a terrapin 
 bakctl in the shell ; and last of all, a prodigious 
 sea pye was presented, with an infinite volume of 
 })ancakes and fritters. That every thing might 
 be answerable to the magnificence of this delicate 
 feast, he had provided vast quantities of strong 
 beer, flip, rumbo, and burnt brandy, with plenty 
 of Barbadoes water, for the ladies ; and hired all 
 the fiddles within six miles, who, with the addi- 
 tion of a drum, bagpipe, and Welsh harp, regal- 
 ed the guests with a most melodious concert. 
 
 The companj', who were not at all exceptions, 
 seemed extremely well pleased with every parti- 
 cular of the entertainment ; and the evening being 
 spent in the most social manner, the bride was by 
 her sister conducted to her apartment, where, how- 
 ever, a trifling circumstance had like to have de- 
 stroyed the harmony which had been hitherto 
 maintained. 
 
 I have already observed, that there was not one 
 standing bed within tbe walls ; therefore the rea- 
 der will not wonder that Mrs. Trurmion was out 
 of humour, when she found herself under the ne- 
 cessity of being confined with her spouse in a ham- 
 mock, which, though enlarged with a double por- 
 tion of canvas, and dilated Avith a yoke for the oc-
 
 62 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 casion, was at best but a disagreeable, not to saj 
 dangerous, situation. She accordingly complain- 
 ed with some warmth of this inconvenience, which 
 slie imputed to disres[)ect, and at first absolutely 
 refused to put up with the expedient ; but Mrs. 
 Pickle soon brought her to reason and compliance, 
 by observing that one night would soon be elaps- 
 ed, and next day she might regulate her own eco- 
 nomy. 
 
 Thus persuaded, she ventured into the vehicle, 
 and was visited by her husband in less than an 
 hour, the company being departed to their own 
 homes, and the garrison left to the command of 
 his lieutenant and mate. But it seems the hooks 
 that supported this swuiging couch were not cal- 
 culated for the addition of weight which they were 
 now destined to bear ; and therefore gave way in 
 the middle of the night, to the no small terror 
 of Mrs. Trunnion, who perceiving herself falling, 
 screamed aloud, and by that exclamation brought 
 Hatchway, with a light, into the chamber. Though 
 she had received no injury by the fall, she was ex- 
 tremely discomposed and incensed at the accident, 
 which she even openly ascribed to the obstinacy 
 and whimsical oddity of the commodore, in such 
 jietulent terms as evidently declared that she 
 thought her great aim accomplished, and her 
 authority secured against all the shocks of for- 
 tune. Indeed her bedfellow seemed to be of the 
 same opinion, by his tacit resignation ; for he 
 made no reply to her insinuations, but with a most 
 vinegar aspect, crawled out of his nest, and betook 
 himself to rest in another apartment, while his 
 irritated spouse dismissed the lieutenant, and from 
 the wreck of the hammock made an occasional 
 bed for herself on the floor, fully determined to 
 provide better accommodation for the next night's 
 lotlging.
 
 rEnlGniNE pickle. t^ 
 
 Ilaviuii; no inclination to sleep, her thoughts, 
 timing tlie remaining part of the night, were en- 
 grossed by a scheme of reformation slie was re- 
 sohed to execute in the family ; and no sooner did 
 the first lark bid salutation to the morn, than, 
 starting from her humble couch, and huddlhig on 
 her clothes, she sallied from her chamber, explor- 
 ed her way through paths before unknown, and 
 in the course of her researches, p-rceivcd a large 
 l)ell, to which she made such effectual application, 
 as alarmed every soul in the family. In a moment 
 she was surrounded by Hatchway, Pipes, and all 
 the rest of the servants, half dressed ; but seeing 
 none of the feminine gender appear, she began to 
 storm at the: sloth and hiziuess of the maids, who, 
 she observed, ought to have been at work an hour 
 at least before she called ; and then, for the first 
 time, understood that no Avoman was permitted to 
 sleep within the walls. 
 
 8he did not fail to exclain against this regula- 
 tion ; and being informed that the cook and cham- 
 bermaid lodge<l hi a small othce-house, that stood 
 without the gate, ordered the draw-bridge to be 
 let down, and in jxirson beat uj) their quarters, 
 commanding them forthwith to set about scouring 
 Xhe rooms, which had not been hitherto kept in a 
 very decent condition, while two men were imme- 
 diately employed to transport the bed on whicJi 
 she used to lie, ftom her brother's house to her 
 new habitation ; so that, in less than two hours, 
 the whole economy of the garrison was turnetl 
 topsy-turvy, and every thing involved in tumult 
 and noise. Trunnion being disturbed and dis- 
 tracted with the uproar, tunied out in his shirt 
 like a maniac, and arming himself with a cudgel 
 of crab-tree, made an irruption into his wife's 
 apartment, where perceiving a couple of carpen- 
 ters at work, in joining a bedstead, he, with many 
 
 3
 
 64 HIE ADTENTURlES OF 
 
 dreadful oaths and opprobrious invectives, orders 
 ed them to desist, swearing lie would suffer no 
 bulk-heads nor hurricane houses to stand where 
 he was master ; but finding his remonstrances 
 disregarded by these mechanics, who believed 
 him to be some madman belonging to the family, 
 who had broke from his confinement, he assault- 
 ed them both with great fury and indignation, 
 and was handled so roughly in the encounter, that, 
 in a very short time, he measured his length on 
 the floor, in consequence of a blow that he receiv- 
 ed from a hammer, by which the sight of his re- 
 maining eye was grievously endangered. 
 
 Having thus reduced him to a state of subjec- 
 tion, they resolved to secure him with cords, and 
 were actually busy in adjusting his fetters, when he 
 was exempted from the disgrace, by the accidental 
 entrance of his fepouse, who rescued him from the 
 hands of his adversaries, and, in the midst of her 
 condolence, imputed his misfortune to the incon- 
 siderate roughness of his own disposition. 
 
 He breathed nothing but revenge, and made 
 some efforts to chastise the insolence of the work-^- 
 men, who, as soon as they understood his quality, 
 asked forgiveness for what th^ had done, with 
 great humility, protcirting that they did know he 
 was master of the house. But, far from being satis- 
 fied with this apology, he groped about (iyr the 
 bell (the inflammation of his eye having utterly 
 deprived him of sight), and the rope being, by 
 the piecaution of the delinquents, conveyed out 
 of his reach, began to storm with incredible voci- 
 feration, like a lion roaring in the toil, pouring 
 forth innumerable oaths a Vl execrations, and call- 
 ing by name Hatchway and Pipes, who being 
 within hearing, obeyed the extraordinary sum- 
 mons, and were ordered to put the carpenters iu
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 65 
 
 irons, for Laving audaciously assaulted him in his 
 own house. 
 
 His myrmidons seeing he had been evil-entreat- 
 ed, were exasperated at the insult he had suffered, 
 which they considered as an afl'ront upon the dig- 
 nity of the garrison : the more so, as the rautin<is 
 seemed to put tlieraselves in a posture of deferice, 
 and set their authority at defiance : they there- 
 fore unsheathed their cntlasscs, \Yhich they com- 
 monly wore as badges of their commission ; and 
 a desperate engagement, in all probability, would 
 have ensued, had not tlie lady of the castle inter- 
 posed, and prevented the effects of their animosi- 
 ty, by assuring the lieutenant that the commodore 
 had been the aggressor, ajid that the workmen 
 finding themselves attacked in sucli an extraordi- 
 nary manner, by a person whom they did not 
 know, were obliged to act in their own defence, 
 by which he had received that unlucky contusion. 
 
 IN'lr. Hatchway no sooner learnt the sentiments 
 of Mrs. Trunnion, than sheathing his indignation, 
 he told the commodore that he should always be 
 ready to execute his lawful commands, but that 
 he could not in conscience be concerned in op- 
 preessing poor people, who had been guilty of no 
 oftence. 
 
 This unexpected declaration, together with the 
 behaviour of his wife, who in his hearing desired 
 the carpenters to resume their work, filled the 
 breast of Trunnion with rage and mortification. 
 He pulled off" his woollen night-cap, pummel'd. 
 his bare pate, beat the floor alternately with his 
 feet, swore his people had betrayed him, and curs- 
 ed himself to the lowest pit of hell, for having ad- 
 mitted such a cockatrice into his family. But all 
 tlicse exclamations did not avail ; they were among 
 the last essays of his resistance to the will of his 
 wife, whose influence among his adherents had al-
 
 60 THE ADVENTURES OP 
 
 ready swallowed- up his own, and who now pe- 
 remptorily told him, that he must leave the ma- 
 jiaijement of every thinj^ within doors to her, who 
 uutlerstood Ijest what was for his honour and ad- 
 vanta<^e. She then ordered a poultice to be pre- 
 pared lor his eye, which being applied, he was 
 committed to the care of Pipes, by whom he was 
 led about the house like a blind bear growling for 
 jjrey, while his industrious yoke-fellow executed 
 every circumstance of the plan she had project- 
 ed ; so that, when he recovered his vision, he was 
 an utter stranger in his ow]i house. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 The commodore leing in some cases restive, his lady has 
 recourse to artifice in the estahliihment of her throne. 
 .... She cxhilits syjaptoms of pregnancy, to the un- 
 speakallejoy of Trufchloti, ~who nevertheless is baulked 
 in his expectation. 
 
 These innovations were not effected without many 
 loud objections on his ])art ; and divers curious 
 dialogues passed between him and his yoke-fellow, 
 who always came off victorious from the dispute ; 
 insomuch that his countenance gradually fell ; he 
 l:)egan to suppress, and at length entirely devour- 
 ed, his chagrin ; the terrors of superior authority 
 were plainly perceivable in his features, and in less 
 than three months he became a thorough-paced 
 husband. Not that his obstinacy was extinguish- 
 ed, though overcome ; in some things be was as 
 inflexible and mulish as ever ; but then he durst 
 not kick so o^x^uly, and was reduced to the ne- 
 cessity of l)eing passive in his resentments. Mrs. 
 Trunnion, for example, proposed that a coach
 
 PEHEGRINE I'ICKLE. 67 
 
 and six fehoiild be purchased, as slie could not 
 ride on horst'back, and the chaise was a scanda- 
 lous carriage for a person of her coiwlition ; the 
 commodore, conscious of his own inferior ca])acity 
 in ])oiiit f)f reasoning-, did not think projx^r to dis- 
 pute the proposal, but lent a deaf ear to her re- 
 monstrances, though they were enforced with every 
 argument wliich she thought could sooth, terrify, 
 shame, or decoy, him into compliance : in vain did 
 she urge the excess of affection she had for lihn, as 
 meriting some return of tenderness and condes- 
 cension ; he was even proof against certain me- 
 nacing liints she^gave, touching the resentment of 
 a slighted woman ; and he stood out against all 
 the considerations of dignity or disgrace, like a 
 bidwark of brass. Neither was he moved to any 
 indecent or unkind expressions of contradiction, 
 even when she upbraided him with his sordid dis- 
 position, and put him in mind of the fortune and 
 honour he had acquired by his marriage, but 
 seemed to retire Avithin himself, like a tortoise 
 when attacked, that shrinks within its shell, and 
 silently endured the scourge of her reproaches, 
 without seeming sensible of the smart. 
 
 This, however, was the only point in which she 
 had been baffled since her nuptials ; and as she 
 could by no means digest the miscarriage, she 
 tortured her invention for some new plan, by which 
 she might augment her infhience and authority : 
 what her genius refused was supplied by acci- 
 dent ; for she had not lived four months in the gar- 
 rison, when she was seizcvl with frequent qualms 
 and retchings, her breasts began to harden, and 
 her stomach to be remarkably prominent : in u 
 word, she congratulated herself on thcsxmjytOTis 
 of her own fertility, and the commodore was tran- 
 sported with joy at the prospect of an heir of hi^ 
 own beo-cttinc.
 
 68 THE ilD VENTURES OF 
 
 She knew this was the proper season for vindi- 
 cating her own sovereignty, and accordingly era- 
 ployed the means which nature had put in her 
 power. There was not a rare piece of furniture 
 and apparel for which she did not long ; and one 
 day as she went to church, seeing Lady Stately 's 
 equipage arrive, she suddenly fainted away. Her 
 husband, whose vanity had never been so perfect- 
 ly gratified as with this promised harvest of his 
 own soAving, took the alarm immediately, and in 
 order to prevent relapses of that kind, which might 
 be attended with fatal consequences to his hope, 
 gave her leave to bespeak a coach, horses, and li- 
 veries, to her own liking. Thus authorized, she 
 in a very little time exhibited such a specimen of 
 her own taste and magnificenee, as afforded spe- 
 culation to the whole country, and made Trun- 
 nion's heart quake within him, because he foresaw 
 no limits to her extravagance, which also mani- 
 fested itself in the most expensive prei^arations for 
 her lying-in. 
 
 Her pride, which had hitherto regardetl the re- 
 presentative of her father's house, seemed now to 
 lose all that hereditary respect, and prompt her to 
 outshine and undervalue the elder branch of her 
 family. Sic behaved to Mrs. Pickle with a sort 
 of civil reserve that implied a conscious superiori- 
 ty ; and an emulation in point of grandeur imme- 
 diately commenced between the two sisters. Slie 
 every day communicated her importance to the 
 whole parish, under pretence of taking the air 
 in her coach, and endeavoured to extend her ac- 
 quaintance among' people of fashion. Nor was 
 this an undertaking attended with great difficulty ; 
 for all persons whatever, capable of maintaining a 
 certain appearance, will always find admission in- 
 to what is called the best company, and be rated, 
 in point of character, according to their own
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 69 
 
 valu.ation, without subjecting their pretensions to 
 lie smallest doubt or examination. In all her 
 visits and parties, she seized every opportunity of 
 declaring her present condition, observing that she 
 was forbid by her physicians to taste such a 
 fickle, and that such a dish was poison to a wo- 
 iian in her way ; nay, wliere she was on a foot- 
 ng of familiarity, she aftected to make wry faces, 
 md complained that the young rogue began to be 
 .'ery unruly, writhing herself into divers contor- 
 ions, as if she had been grievously incommoded 
 )y the metal of this future Trunnion. The hus- 
 )and himself did not behave with all the modera- 
 ion that might have been expected: at the club 
 le frequently mentioned this circumstance of his 
 )wn vigour as a pretty successful feat to be per- 
 brmed by an old fellow of titly-five, and confirm- 
 d the opinion of his strength by redoubled squeezes 
 )f the landlord's hand, which never failed of ex- 
 orting a satisfactory certificate of his might. 
 ^Vhen his companions drank to the Hans in kel- 
 ler, or Jack in the low cellar, he could not help 
 lisplaying an extraordinary complacence of coun- 
 cnance, and signified his intention of sending the 
 oung dog to sea, as soon as he should be able to 
 arry a cartridge, in hopes of Seeing him an officer 
 efore his own death. 
 
 This hope helped to console him under the ex- 
 raordinary expence to which he was exposed by 
 ie profusion of his wife, especially when he con- 
 idered that his compliance with her prodigality 
 
 ould be limited to the expiration of the nine 
 lonths, of which the best part was by this time 
 lapsed ; yet, in spite of all this philosophical re- 
 ignation, her fancy sometimes soared to such a 
 idiculous and intolerable pitch of insolence and 
 bsurdity, that his, temper forsook him, and he 
 ould not help wishing in secret, that her pride
 
 TO THE ADVENTURES OP 
 
 might be confounded in the dissipation of licr most 
 flattering hopes, even though he himself should be 
 a principal sufferer by the disappointment. These, 
 however, were no other thaji the suggestions of 
 temporary disgusts, tbat commonly subsided as 
 suddenly as they arose, aiul never gave the least 
 disturbances to ihe ]:)erson who inspired them, be- 
 cause he took care to conccijl them carefully from 
 her knowledge. 
 
 Meanwhile she happily advanced ui her reckon- 
 ing, with the promise of a favourable issue ; the 
 term of her computation expired, and in the mid- 
 dle of the night she was visited by certain warn- 
 ings that seemed to bes^x^ak the approacli of the 
 critical moment. The commodore got up wiHi 
 great alacrity, and called the midwife, who had 
 been several days in the house ; the gossips were 
 immediately summoned, and the most interesting 
 expectations prevailed ; but the sjrmptoms of la- 
 bom* gradually vanished, and, asuie matrons 
 sagely observed, this was no more tluui a false 
 alarm. 
 
 Two nights after, they received asecontj intima- 
 tion ; and as she was sensibly diminished in the 
 waist, every thing was supposed to be in a fair 
 way : 3'ct this visitation was not more conclusive 
 than the former ; her ])ains wore off in spite of all 
 her endeavours to encouraire them, and Iheffood 
 women betook themselves to their respective 
 homes, in expectation of timling the third attack 
 decisive, alluding to the well known maxim, that 
 number three is u'zcaj/s forlurialc. For once, how- 
 ever, this apothegm faikxl ; the next call was al- 
 together as ineflecutal as the former ; and more- 
 over attended with a phenomenon which to fhcm 
 was equally strange and inexplicable : this was 
 no other thaji such a reduction in the size of Mrs. 
 Trminion as might have been expected after tlie
 
 rnncGUiNE tickle. 71 
 
 birth of a full-grown child. Startled at such an 
 unaccountable event, they sat in close divan ; and, 
 concluding that the case was in all respects unna- 
 tural and prodigiouK, desired that a messenger 
 might be immediately dispatched for some male 
 j)ractilioner in the art of midwifery. 
 
 The commodore, without guessing the cause of 
 their perplexity, ordered Pipes immetliately on this 
 piece of duty ; and in lessthan two hours they were 
 assisted by the advice of a surg(^)) of tiie neigh- 
 bourhood, who boldly alHrmed tliat the patient 
 had never been with child. This asseveration 
 was like a clap of thunder to Mr. Trunnion, who 
 hdd been, during eight whole days and nights, in 
 continual expectation of being hailed witli the ap- 
 jvllation of father. 
 
 After some recollection, he swore the surgeon 
 >vas an ignorant fellow, and that he would not 
 I ike his word for what he advanced, being com- 
 forted and confirmed in his want of faith by the 
 in^iniuitions of the midwife, who still persisted to 
 leed Mrs. Trunnion witli hopes of a speedy and 
 safe delivery ; observing, that she had been con- 
 cerned in many a case of the same nature, where 
 a fine child was found, even after all sion^s of the 
 mother's pregnancy had disappeared. Every twig 
 of hope, how sl(;nder soever it may be, is eagerly 
 (aught hold on by people who find themselves in 
 danger of being disapjKnntwl. To every question 
 ])roposetl by her to the ladj' with the preambles 
 of ' liaut you ?' or ' don't you P' an answer wns 
 iaad(; in the atlirmative, wlietlier agreeable to truth 
 or not ; because the respondent could not lind in 
 her heart to disown any symplom tliat niigiit fa- 
 vour the notion she had soTong indulged. 
 
 This experienced proficient in the obstetric art 
 was tlieiefore kept in close attendance lor the space 
 of three weeks, during which the patient had sc-
 
 72 THE ADVEXTURES OF 
 
 veral returns of what she pleased herself with Ije- 
 lieving to be labour pains, till at length she and 
 her husband became tlie standing joke ofthe parish ; 
 and this infatuated couple could scarce be prevail- 
 ed upon to part with their hopes, even when she 
 appeared as lank as a greyhound, and they were 
 furnished with other unquestionaWe proofs of 
 their having been deceived. But they could not 
 for ever remain under the influence of this sweet 
 delusion, which at last faded away, and was suc- 
 ceeded by a paroxysm of shame and confusion, 
 that kept the husband within doors for the space 
 of a whole fortnight, and confined his lady to 
 her bed for a series of weeks, during which slie 
 suffered all the anguish of the most intense morti- 
 fication ; yet even this was subdued by the lenient 
 hand of time. 
 
 The first respite from her chagrin was employ- 
 ed in the strict discharge of what are called the 
 duties of religion, which she performed with the 
 most rancorous severity, setting on foot a perse- 
 cution in her own family, that made the house 
 too hot for all the menial servants, even ruffied 
 the almost invincible indifference of Tom Pijjes, 
 harassed the commodore himself out of all pa- 
 tienee, and spared no individual but Lieutenant 
 Hatchway, whom she never ventured to disoblige. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 Mrs. Trunnion erects a tyranny in tjte garrison^ while 
 her husband conceives an affection Jbr his nephew Per- 
 ry, who manifests a peculiarity of disposition even in 
 his tender years. 
 
 PlAVixG exercised herself three months in such 
 pious amusements, she appeared again in the
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 
 
 73 
 
 v\{>rU] ; but her misforluiic had made such an im- 
 pression on her mind, that she could not bear the 
 sight of a child, and trembled whenever the con- 
 versation happened to turn upon a christening. 
 Ilcr temper, which was naturally none of the 
 sweetest, seemed to have imbibed a double pro- 
 portion of souring from her disappointment ; of 
 consequence her company was not much coveted, 
 and she found very lew people disposed to treat 
 licr with those majt^ of consideration which she 
 looked upon as licr due. This neglect detached 
 her from the society of an unmannerly world ; 
 she concentered the energy of all her talents in the 
 government of her own house, which groaned ac- 
 cordingly under her arbritrary sway ; and in the 
 brandy bottle found ample consolation for all the 
 affliction she had undergone. 
 
 As for the commodore, he in a little time wea- 
 thered liis disgrace, after having sustained many 
 severe jokes from the lieutenant ; and now his chief 
 aim being to l>e absent from his own house as 
 much as possible, he frequented the public house 
 more than ever, more assidiously cultivated the 
 friendship of his brother-in-law Mr. Piclde, and, 
 in the course of their intimacy, conceived an affec- 
 tion for his nephew Perry, which did not end but 
 with his life. Indeed it must be owned that Trun- 
 nion was not naturally deficient in the social pas- 
 sions of the soul, which, though they were strange- 
 ly warped) disguised, and overborne, by the cir- 
 cumstance of his boisterous life and education, did 
 not fail to manifest themselves occasionally through 
 the whole course of his behaviour. 
 
 As all tho hopes of propagating his own name 
 had perished, and his relations lay under the in- 
 terdiction of his hate, it is no wonder that, through 
 the familiarity and friendly intercourse subsisting 
 between him and Mr. Gamaliel, he contracted a 
 
 Vol 11. ' D
 
 74 THE ADVENTURES OP 
 
 liking for the boj', who by this time entered the 
 third year of his age, and was indeed a very hand- 
 some, heahhy, and promising, child ; and what 
 seemed to ingratiate him still more with his uncle, 
 was a certain oddity of disposition, for which he 
 had been remarkable, even from his cradle. It is 
 reported of him, that, before the tirst year of his 
 infancy was elapsed, he used very often, immedi- 
 ately after Ijeing dressed, in the midst of the car- 
 resses which were bestowed upon him by his mo- 
 ther, while she indulged herself in the contempla- 
 tion of her own happiness, all of a sudden, to alarm 
 her with a fit of shrieks and cries, Avhich continu- 
 ed with great violence tUl he was stripped to the 
 skin with the utmost expedition, by order of his 
 affrighted parent, who thought his tender body 
 was tortured by the misapplication of some un^^ 
 lucky pin ; and when he had given them all this ' 
 "disturbance and uimecessary trouble, he would lie 
 sprawling and laughing in their faces, as if he 
 ridiculed the impertinence of their concern. Nay, 
 it is affirmed, that one day, when an old woman, 
 who attended in the nursery, had, by stealth con- 
 veyed a bottle of cordial waters to her mouth, he 
 pulled his nurse by the sleeve, and, by a slight 
 glance detecting the thefl, tipt her the wink with 
 a particular slyness of countenance, as if he had 
 said with a sneer, * ay, ay, that is what you must 
 all come to.' But these instances of reflection in 
 a babe nine months old are so incredible, that I look 
 upon them as ex post facto observations, founded 
 upon imaginary recollection, Avhen he was in a 
 more advanced age, and his pecularities of temper 
 become much more remarkable ; of a piece with 
 the ingenious discoveries of those sagacious ob 
 servers who can discern something evidently cha- 
 racteristic in the features of any noted personage, 
 whose character they have previously heard ex-
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 75 
 
 l)laliic(l ; yctf. without pretending to specify at 
 Mliat period Of*, liis chiidhood this singularity first 
 appeared, I jB^ with great truth declare, that, 
 Avhen he first^^jferactcd the notice and affection of 
 his uncle it x^Snlainly perceivable. 
 
 One would imaj^ine he had marked out the 
 commodore as a proper object of ridicule, for al- 
 most all his little childish satire was levelled against 
 him. I will not deny that he might have been 
 inlluenced in this particular by the example and 
 instruction of Mr. Hatchway, who delighted in 
 superintending the first essays of his genius. As 
 the gout had taken up its residence in Mr. Trun- 
 nion's great toe, from A\hence it never removed, 
 no not for a day, little Perry took great pleasure 
 in treading by accident on this infirm member ; 
 and when his uncle, incensed by the pain, used to 
 damn him for a hell-begotten brat, he would ap- 
 jjease him in a twinkling, by returning the curse 
 with equal emphasis, and asking what was the 
 matter with old Hannibal Tough ? an appellation 
 by which the lieutenant had taught him to dis- 
 tinguish this grim commander. 
 
 Neither was this the only experiment he tried 
 ujion the patience c^ the commodore, with whose 
 nose he used to take indecent freedoms, even while 
 he was fondled on his knee ; in one month he put 
 him to the expcncc of two guineas in seal-skin, 
 by picking his pocket of divers tobacco pouches, 
 all of which he in secret committed to the flames. 
 Nor did the caprice of his disposition abstaui from 
 the favourite beverage of Trunnion, who more 
 than once swallowed a whole draught, in which 
 his brother's snuff-box had been emptied, before 
 he perceived the disagreeable infusion : and one 
 day, when the commodore had chastised him by 
 a gentle tap with his cane, he fell flat on the floor, 
 us if he had been depri^^tsd of all sense and mo-
 
 76 THE ADVENTURES Ol 
 
 tion, to the terror and amazement of tlie striker ; 
 and, after having filled the whole house with con- 
 fusion and dismay, opened his eyes and laughed 
 heartily at the success of his o\\n imposition. 
 
 It would be an endless, and perhaps no very 
 agreeable, task, to eimmerateall the unlucky pranks 
 he played upon his uncle and others, before he 
 attained the fourth year of his age; about v*hich 
 time he Mas sent, with an attendant, to a day- 
 school in the neighbourhood, that (to use his good 
 mother's own expression) he might be out of harm's 
 way. Here, however, he made little progress, ex- 
 cept in mischief, which he practised Milh impuni- 
 ty, because the schoolmistress would run no risk 
 of disobliging a lady of fortune, by exercising un- 
 necessary severities upon her only child. Never- 
 theless, Mrs. Pickle was not so blindly partial as 
 to be pleased with such unseasonable indulgence. 
 Perry waslaken out of the hands of this courteous 
 teacher, and committed to the instruction of a 
 pedagogue, who was ordered to administer such 
 correction as the boy should (in his opinion) de- 
 serve. This authority he did not neglect to use : 
 Jhis pupil was regularly flogged twice a-day ; and, 
 after having been subjected to this course of dis- 
 cipline for the space of eighteen months, declared 
 the most obstinate, dull, and untoward, genius 
 that ever had fallen under his cultivation ; instead 
 of being reformed, he seemed rather hardened and 
 confirmed in his vicious inclinations, and Mas 
 dead to all sense of fear as mcII as shame. His 
 mother was extremely mortified at these symptoms 
 of stupidity, m hich she considered as an inheritance 
 derived from the spirit of his father, and conse- 
 quently unsurmountable by all the eiforts of hu- 
 man care. But the commodore rejoiced over the 
 ruggedness of his nature, and was particularly 
 pleased; when, upon inquiry, he found that Perry
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 77 
 
 hnd bcaion all the boys in (he school ; a circum- 
 stance tVom which he E;i;2lali25iip''^^^'^ every thinjf^ 
 that was fair antl f()rliinaienitiTus future fate; 
 ol)servin^ that, at his ai^e, he liimsclf was just 
 s<ich another. The boy, who was now turned 
 of six, having- protited so little under the birch 
 of his unsparins; governor, Mrs. Pickle was 
 counselled to send him to a boarding-school not 
 far from London, which was kept by a certain 
 person very eminent for his snccessful method of 
 education. This advice she the more readily em- 
 braced, because at that time she found herself 
 pretty far gone with another child, tliat she hoped 
 would console her for the disappointment she had 
 met with in the unpromising talents of Perry, or 
 at any rate divide her concern, so as to enable her 
 to endure the absence of either. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 Peregrine is sent to a loar ding-school. . . . lecomes re- 
 markable for his genius and amhiiion. 
 
 1 HE commodore understanding her determina- 
 tion, to which her husband did not venture to make 
 the least objection, interested himself so much in 
 behalf of his favourite, as to fit him out at his own 
 charge, and accompany him in person to the place 
 of his destination ;' where he defrayed the expence 
 of his entrance, and left him to the particular care 
 and inspection of the usher, who having been re- 
 commended to him as a person of parts and in- 
 tegrity, received per advance a handsome consi- 
 deration for the task he undertook. 
 
 Nothing could be better judged than this piece 
 of liberality : the assistant was actually a man of 
 
 D3
 
 78 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 learning, probity, and good sense; and, though 
 obliged by the scandalous adminstration of fortune 
 to act in the character of an inferior teacher, had, 
 by his sole capacity and applicatiorr, brought the 
 school to that degree of reputation, which it never 
 could have obtained from the talents of his sui3<;- 
 rior. He had established an economy, ^vhich, 
 though regular, was not at all severe, by enacting 
 a body of laws suited to the age and comprehen- 
 sion of every individual ; and each transgressor 
 was fairly tried by his peers, and punished ac- 
 cording to the verdict of the jury. No boy was 
 scourged for want of apprehension, but a spirit of 
 emulation was raised by well-timed praise and art- 
 ful comparison, and maintained by a distribution 
 of small prizes, which were adjudged to those who 
 signalized themselves either by their industry, so- 
 briety, or genius. This tutor, whose name was 
 Jennings, began with Perry, according to his con- 
 stant maxim, by examining the soil ; that is, 
 studying his temper, in order to consult the bias 
 of his disposition, which was strangely perverted 
 by the absurd discipline he had undergone. He 
 found him in a state of sullen insensibility, which 
 the child had gradually contracted in a long 
 course of stupifying correction ; and at first he 
 was not in the least actuated by that commenda- 
 tion which animated the rest of his school-fellows ; 
 nor Avas it in the power of reproach to excite his 
 ambition, which had been buried, as it were, in 
 the grave of disgrace : the usher therefore had re- 
 course to contemptuous neglect, with which lie 
 affected to treat this stubborn spirit; foreseeing, 
 that, if he retained any seeds of sentiment, this 
 weather would infallably raise them into vegeta- 
 tion : his judgment was justified by the event ; 
 the boy in a little time began to make observations ; 
 he perceived the mai^ of distmction with which
 
 PERECniNE PICKLE. 7 
 
 viitiip was rewarded, e^rcw ashamed of (he despic- 
 able figure he himself made among his compa- 
 nions, who, far fiom courting, rather shunned his 
 conversation, and actually pined at his own want 
 of in 1 porta rce. 
 
 Mr. Jennings saw and rejoiced at his mortifica- 
 tion, which he suffered to proceed as far as pos- 
 sible, without endangerint^ his health. The child 
 lost all relish for diversion, lothed his food, grew 
 pensive, solitary, and was frequently found weep- 
 ing by himself. These sym ptQii^ plainly evinced 
 the recovery of his feelings, to which his governor 
 thought it now high time to make application ; 
 and therefore by little and little altered his behavi- 
 our from the indifference he had put on, to the 
 appearance of more regard and attentj^on. This 
 produced a favourable (Change in the boy, whose 
 eyes sparkled with satisfaction one day, when his 
 master expressed himself with a shew of surprise 
 in these words : ' so, Perry ! I find you don't 
 wimt genius, when you think proper to use it.' 
 Such encomiums kindled the spirit of emulation in 
 his little breast ; he exerted himself with surpris- 
 ing alacrity, by which he soon acquitted himself 
 of the imputation of dulness, and obtained sundry 
 honorary silver pennies, as acknowledgments of his 
 application : his school-fellows now solicited his 
 friendship as eagerly as they had avoided it be- 
 fore ; and, in less than a twelvemoalh after his ar- 
 rival, this supposed du use was remarkable for the 
 ^brightness of his parts ; having in that short period 
 learnt to read Englisli perfectly Avell, made great 
 j)rogress in writing, enabled himself to speak the 
 French language without hesitation, and acquired 
 some knowledge in the rudiments of the Latin 
 tongue. The usher did not fail to transmit an ac- 
 coiuit of his proficiency to the commodore, who. 
 
 D4
 
 90 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 received it with transport, and forthwith coramu- 
 nicattd the happj tidings to the parents. 
 
 Mr. GamaUei Pickle, who was never subject to 
 violent emotions, heard them with a sort of phleg- 
 matic satisfaction, that scarce nxi^fested itself 
 either in his countenance or expressions ; nor did 
 the child's mother break Tortli into that rapture 
 and admiration which might have been expected, 
 when she understood how much the talents of her 
 first-born had exceeded the hope of her warmest 
 imagination. Not but that she professed herself 
 well pleased with Perry's reputation ; though she 
 observed that, in these commendations, the truth 
 was always exaggerated by schoolmasters, for their 
 own interest ; and pretended to w onder that the- 
 usher had not mingled more pj[jQbia,biiity with his 
 praise. Trunnion was offended at her indifference 
 and want of faith, and believing that she refinetl too 
 much in her disscgient, swore that Jennings had 
 declared the truth, and nothing but the truth ; for 
 he himself had prophesied from the beginning that 
 the boy would turn out a credit to his family. But 
 by this time Mrs. Pickle was blessed with a daugh- 
 ter, whom she had brought into the world about 
 six months before the intelHgence arrived ; so that 
 her care and affection being otherwise engrossed, 
 the praise af Perry was the less greedily devoured. 
 The abatement of her fondness was an advantage 
 to his education, which would have been retarded, 
 and perhaps ruined, by pernicious indulgence and 
 preposterous interposition, had her love consider- 
 ed him as an only child ; whereas, her concern 
 being now diverted to another object, that shared, 
 at least, one half of her affection, he was left to 
 the management of his preceptor, who tutored 
 him according to his own plan, without any let or 
 interruption. Indeed, all his sagacity and cir-. 
 cumspcction were but barely sufficient to keep the
 
 PEREGniNE PICKLE, 81 
 
 youni^ gondenian in order ; for, no\\ thai he liad 
 won the palm of victory from his rivals in point 
 of scholarship, his ambition dilated, and he was 
 seized with the desire of subjecting the wliole 
 school by the valonr of his arm. Before he could 
 bring his project to bear, innumerable battles were 
 fought with various success ; every day a bloody 
 nose and complaint were presented against him, 
 and his own visage commonly bore some livid 
 marks of obstinate contention. At length, how- 
 over/*lic accomplished his aim ; his adversaries 
 were subdued, his prowess acknowledged, and he 
 obtained tlie laurel in war as well as in wit. Thus 
 triumphant, he was intoxicated with success. His 
 pride rose in proportion to his power, and, in spite 
 of all the endeavours of Jennhigs, who practised 
 every method he could invent for curbing his li- 
 centious conduct, without depressing his spirit, he 
 contracted a large proportion of insolence, which 
 a series of misfortunes that happened to him in the 
 sequel could scarce elfectually tanie. Neverthe- 
 less there was a fund of good nature and generosi- 
 ty hi his composition, and though he established 
 a tyranny among his comrades, the tranquillity 
 of his reign was maintained by the love rather than 
 by the fear of his subjects. 
 
 In the midst of all this enjoyment of empire, he 
 never once violated that respectful awe with which 
 the usher had found means to inspire him ; but lie 
 by no means preserved the same regard for the 
 principal master, an old illiterate German gy[iajpk, 
 who had formerly practised corn-cutting among 
 the quality, and sold cosmetic washes to the ladies^ 
 together with teeth powders, hair-dyeing liquors, 
 prolific elixirs, and tinctures to sweeten the breath. 
 These njQgtriiuis, recommended by the art of cring- 
 ing, in which he w as consummate, ingratiated him 
 so much with people of fashion, that he wa,s en- 
 
 D3
 
 82 THE ADVENTURES OV 
 
 abled to set up school with five-and-twenty boyi5 
 of the best families, whom he boarded on his own 
 terms, and undertook to instruct in the French and 
 Latin languages, so as to qualify tliem for the col- 
 leges of Westminster and Eaton. While this plan 
 was in its infancy, he was so fortunate as to meet 
 with Jennings, who, for the paltry consideration 
 of thirty pounds a-year, which his necessities com- 
 pelled him to accept, took the whole trouble of 
 educating the children upon himself, contrived an 
 excellent system for that purpose, and, by his as- 
 siduity and knowledge, executed all the particu- 
 lars to the entire satisfaction of those concerned, 
 who, by the by, never inquired into his qualifica- 
 tions, but suilered the other to enjoy the fruits of 
 his labour and ingenuity. 
 
 Over and above a large stock of avarice, igno- 
 rance, and vanity, this su|M?rior had certain ridi- 
 culous peculiarities in his person, such as a haunch 
 upon his back, and distorted limbs, that seemed 
 to attract the satirical notice of Peregrine, who, 
 young as he was, took olfence at his want of re- 
 verence for his usher, over whom he sometimes 
 chose opportunities of displaying his authority, 
 that the boys might not displace their veneration. 
 Mr. Keypstick, therefore, such as I have describ- 
 ed him, incurred the contempt and displeasure of 
 this enterprising pupil, who now, being in the 
 tenth year of his age, had caj)acity enough to give 
 him abundance of vexation. He underwent many 
 mortifying jokes from the invention of Pickle and 
 his confederates ; so that he began to entertain sus- 
 picion of Mr. Jennings, who, he could not help 
 thinking, had been at the bottom of them all, and 
 spirited up principles of rebellion in the school, 
 with a view of making himself independent. Pos- 
 sessed with this chimera, which was void of all 
 foundation, the German descended so low as to
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 83 
 
 tamper in private with the boys, from whom Jie 
 lioped to draw some very important discovery ; 
 but he was disappointed in liis expectation ; and 
 this mean practice reachin*^ the ears of his usher, 
 lie voluntarily resic^ned his employment. Find- 
 in<^ interest to obtain holy orders in a little time 
 after, he loft the kingdom, hoping to find a settle- 
 ment in some of onr American plantations. 
 
 The departure of Mr. Jennings produced a great 
 revolution in the affairs of Keypstick, which de- 
 rlined from that moniont, because he had neither 
 authority to enforce obedience, nor prudence to 
 maintain order among his scholars; so that the 
 school degenerated into anarchy and confusion, 
 and he himself dwindled in the opinion of his em- 
 ployers, who looked upon him as superannuated, 
 and withdrew their children from his tuition. 
 
 Peregrine, seeing this dissolution of their society, 
 and finding himself every day deprived of some 
 1 ompanion, began to repine at his situation, and 
 resolved, if possible, to procure his release from the 
 jurisdiction of the person whom Jie both detested 
 and despised. With this view he went to work, 
 and composed the following billet, addressed to 
 the commodore, which was the first specimen of 
 his compod'ion in the epistolary way. 
 
 * HONOURED AND LOVING UNCLE, 
 
 * Hoping you are in good health, this serves to in- 
 fonn you, that Mr. Jennings is gone, and Mr. Keyp- 
 stick will never meet with his fellow. The school is 
 already almos broke up, and the rest daily going away ; 
 and I beg of you of all love to have me fetched away 
 also, for I cannot bear to be any longer under one who 
 is a perfect ignoramus, who scarce knows the declina- 
 ation of miisa, and is more fit to be a scarecrow than 
 a schoolmaster ; hoping you will send for me soon, with 
 my love to my aunt, and my duty to my honoured 
 parents, craving their blessing and yours. And this is
 
 M THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 all at present, from, honoured uncle, your well beloved' 
 and dutiful nephew and godson, and humble servant, 
 to command till death, peregrine pickle.' 
 
 Trunnion was overjoyed at the receipt of this 
 letter, Avhich be looked upon as one of the greatest 
 efibrfs of Imman genius, and as such communicat- 
 ed the contents to his lady, whom he had disturb- 
 ed for the purpose in the middle of her devotion, 
 by sending a message to her closet, whither it was 
 her custom very frequently to retire. She was out 
 of humour at being inlerruptedy and therefore did 
 not peruse this specimen of her nephew's under* 
 standing with all the relish that the commodore 
 himself had enjoyed ; on the contrary, after sundry 
 paralytica! endeavours to speak (for her tongue 
 sometimes refused its otFice), she observed that the 
 boy w as a peit jackanapes, and deserved to be se- 
 verely chastised for treating liis betters with such 
 disrespect. Her husband undertook his' godson's 
 defence, representing, with great warmth, that he 
 knew Keypstick to be a good-for-nothing pimping 
 old rascal, and that Perry shewed a great deal of 
 spirit and good sense ia desiring to be taken from 
 under his command; he therefore declared that 
 tlie boy should not live a week longer with such a 
 shambling sou of a b , and sanctioned his declar- " 
 ation with abundance of oaths. - 
 
 Mrs. Trunnion, composing her countenance in- 
 to a look of religious demureness, rebuked him for 
 his profane way of talking ; and asked, in a ma- 
 gisterial tone^ if he intended never to lay aside that 
 brutal behaviour ? Irritated at this reproach, he 
 answered, in terms of indignation, that he kncAV 
 how to behave himself as well as e'er a woman 
 that wore a head, bade her mind her own affairs, 
 and, Avith another repetition of oaths, gave her to 
 understand that he would be master in his own 
 licMise.
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLLE, 8& 
 
 Tills iusiiuiatioii operated upon her spirits like 
 friction upon a glass globe ; her face gleamed with 
 resentment, and every pore seemed to emit particles 
 of flame. She replied with incredible fluency of 
 the bitterest expressions. He retorted equal rage 
 in broken hints and incoherent imprecations. She 
 rejoined with redoubled fury; and in conclusion 
 lie was fain to betake himself to flight, ejaculating 
 curses against her, and muttering something con- 
 cerning the brandy bottle, which, however, he took, 
 care should never reach her ears. 
 
 From his own house he went directly to visit 
 Mrs. Pickle, to whom he imparted Peregrine's 
 epistle, with many ncomiums upon the boy s pro- 
 mising parts ; and finding his commendations but 
 coldly received, desired she would permit him to 
 take his godson under liis own care. 
 
 This lady, whose family was now increased by 
 another son, \\ho seemed to engross her care for 
 tlie present, had not seen Perry during a course of 
 four years, and, with regard to him, was perfect- 
 ly weaned of that infirmity known by the name 
 of maternal fondness ; she therefore consented to 
 the commodore's request with great condescension, 
 and a polite compliment to him on the concern he 
 had all along manifested for the welfare of the child. 
 
 CHAPTER XIIP. 
 
 The commodore takes Peregrine under his own care. ..." 
 the hoy arrives at the garrison. . . .is strangely receiv- 
 ed ly his own mother. . . .enters into a confederacy 
 with Hatchway and Pipes', and executes a couple of 
 waggish enterprises upon his aunt. 
 
 i RUNNioN having obtained this permission, that 
 very afternoon dispatched the lieutenant in a post-
 
 86 THB ADVENTURES 6V 
 
 chaise to Kejpstick's house, from whence, in (wo 
 days, he returned with our young hero : who, be- 
 ing now in the eleventh year of his age, had out- 
 grown the expectation of all his family, and was 
 remarkable for the beauty and elegance of his per- 
 son. His godfather was transported at his arrival, 
 as if he had been actually the issue of his own 
 loins. He shook him heartily by the hand, turn- 
 ed him round and round, surveyed him from top 
 to bottom, bade Hatchway take notice how hand- 
 somely he was built ; squeezed his hand again, 
 saying, ' damn ye, you dog, I suppose you don't 
 value such an old crazy son of a b - as me a rope's 
 end. You have forgot how I wont to dandle you 
 on my knee, when you was a little urchin no big- 
 ger than the Davit, and played a thousand tricks 
 upon me, burning my bacco-pouches, and poison- 
 ing my rumbo : O, damn ye, you can grin fast 
 enough, I see ; I warrant you have learnt more 
 things than writing and the Latin lingo.' Even 
 Tom Pipes expressed uncommon satisfeclion on 
 this joyful occasion : and coming up to Perry, 
 thrust forth his fore paw, and accosted him with 
 the salutation of * what cheer, my 3 oung mas- 
 ter ? I am glad to see thee with all my heart.' 
 These compliments being passed, his uncle halted 
 to the door of his wife's chamber, at which he 
 stood hollowing, ' here's your kinsman Perry, be- 
 like you won't come and bid him welcome.' 
 ' Lord ! Mr. Trunnion,' said she, ' Avhy will you 
 continually harass me in this manner with your 
 impertinent intrusion ?' ' I harrow you !' replied the 
 commodore ; * 'sblood, 1 believe your upper works 
 are damaged ; I only came to inform you that here 
 was your cousin, whom you have not seen these 
 four long years ; and I'll be damn'd if there is such 
 another of his age within the king's dominions, 
 d'ye see, either for make or mettle -, he's a credit
 
 PEREGRINE FICKLE. 87 
 
 to the name, d'ye see, but damn my eyes, I'll say 
 no more of the matter ; if you come, you may ; if 
 you won't, you may let it alone.' ' Well, I won't 
 come then,' answered his yoke-fellow, ' for I am at 
 ])resent more agreeably employed.' ' Oho! you 
 are ? I believe so too ;' cried the commodore, mak- 
 ing wry faces, and mimicking the action of dram- 
 drinking. Then addressing himself to Hatchway, 
 ' prithee Jack,' said he, ' go and try thy skill on 
 that stubborn hulk; if any body can bring her 
 about, I know you wool.' The lieutenant accord- 
 ingly taking his station at the door, conveyed his 
 persuasion in these words : ' what, won't you 
 turn out and hail little Perry ? it will do your 
 heart good to see such a handsome young dog ; 
 I'm sure he is the very moral of you, and as like 
 .Ts if he had been spit out of your own mouth, as 
 the saying is ; do shew a little respect for your 
 kinsman, can't you ?' To this remonstrance she re- 
 plied, in a mild tone of voice, ' dear Mr. Hatch- 
 way, you are always teasing one in such a man- 
 ner ; sure I am, no body can tax me with unkind- 
 ness, or want of natural affection;' so saying, she 
 opened the door, and advancing to the hall where 
 her nephew stood, received him very graciously, 
 and observed that he was the very image of her 
 papa. 
 
 In the afternoon he was conducted by the com- 
 modore to the house of his parents ; and, strange 
 to tell, no sooner was he presented to his mother, 
 than her countenance changed ; she eyed him with 
 tokens of affliction and surprise, and bursting into 
 tears, exclaimed her child was dead, and this was 
 no other than an impostor whom they had brought 
 to defraud her sorrow. Truunion was confound- 
 ed at this unaccountable passion, which had no 
 other foundation than caprice and whim ; and 
 Gamaliel himself was so disconcerted and unsettl-
 
 88 THE ADVENTURES GP 
 
 ed in his own belief, which began to waver, tha^ 
 he knew not hoAv to behave towards the boy, whom 
 his godfather immediately carried back to the gar- 
 rison, swearing all the way that Perry should ne-. 
 ver cross their threshhold again with his good- will. 
 Nay, so much was he incensed at this unnatUTaT 
 and absurd renunciation, that he refused to carry 
 on any farther correspondence with Pickle, until 
 he was appeased by his solicitations and submis- 
 sion, and Peregrine owned a& his son and heir. 
 But this acknowledgment was made without the 
 privity of his wife, whose vitious averson he was 
 obliged, in appearance, to adopt. Thus exiled 
 from his father's house, the young gentleman was 
 left entirely to the disposal of the commodore, 
 whose affection for him daily increased, insomuch 
 that he could scarce prevail upon himself to part 
 with him, when his education absolutely required 
 that he should be otherwise disposed of. 
 
 In all probability, this extraordinary attach- 
 ment was, if not produced, at least rivetted, by 
 that peculiar turn in Peregrine's imagination, 
 which we have already observed ; and which, 
 during his residence in the castle, appeared in 
 sundry stratagems he practised upon his uncle and 
 aunt, under the auspices of Mr. Hatchway, who 
 assisted him in the contrivance and execution of 
 all his schemes. Nor was Pipes exempted from a 
 share in their undertakings ; for, being a trusty 
 fellow, not without dexterity in some cases, and al- 
 together resigned to their will, they found him a 
 serviceable instrument for their purpose, and used 
 him accordingly. 
 
 The first sample of their art was exhibited up- 
 on Mrs. Trunnion. They terrified that good lady 
 with strange noises when she retired to her devo- 
 tion. Pipes was a natural genius in the compo- 
 sition of discords ; he would imitate the sound,
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. S& 
 
 produced by the winding of a jack, the filing of a 
 saw, and the swinging of a malefactor hanging in. 
 chains ; he could counterfeit the braying of an ass, 
 the screeching of a night owl, the caterwauling of 
 cats, the howling of a dog, the squeaking of a pig^ 
 the crowing of a cock ; and he had learnt the war- 
 hoop uttered by the Indians in North America. 
 These talents were exerted successively at diflerent 
 times and places,, to the terror of Mrs. Trunnion, 
 the discomposure of the commodore himself, and 
 the consternation of all the servants in the castle. 
 Peregrine, with a sheet over his clothes, some- 
 times tumbled before his aunt in flie twilight, 
 when her organs of vision were a little impaired by 
 the cordial she had swallowed ; and the boatswain's 
 mate taught him to shoe cats with walnut-shells,, 
 so that they made a most dreadful clattering in 
 their nocturnal excursions. The mind of Mrs. 
 Trunnion was not a little disturbed by these alarms,, 
 which, in her opinion, portended the death of some 
 principal person in the family ; she redoubled her;^ 
 religious exercises, and fortified her spirits with 
 fresh potations ; nay, she began to take jiotice that 
 Mr. Trunnion's constitution was very muclTbroke, 
 and seemed dissatisfied when people observed that 
 they never saw him look better. Her frequent 
 visits to the closet, where all her consolation wa 
 deposited, inspired the confederates with a device 
 which had like to have been attended with tragi- 
 cal consequences. They found an opportunity io 
 infuse jalap in one of her case^bottles, and she took 
 so largely of this medicine, that her constitutioa 
 had well nigh sunk under the violence of its eflfects. 
 She suflerecl a succession of fainting fits that re- 
 duced her to the brink of the grave, in spite of all 
 the remedies that were administered by a physici- 
 an, who was called in the beginning of her disor- 
 der. After having examined the s^ptoms, h&
 
 9(f THE ADTENTURES OF 
 
 declared that the patient had been poisoned with 
 arsenic, and prescril)ed oily draughts and lubri- 
 eating- injections, to defend the coats of the stomach 
 and intestines from the vellicating particles of that 
 pernicious mineral; at the same time hinting, with 
 a look of infinite sagacity, that it was not difficult 
 to divine the whole mystery. lie affected to de- 
 plore the poor lady, as if she was exposed to more 
 attempts of the same nature ; thereby glancing 
 obliquely at the innocent commodore, whom the 
 officious son of /Esculapius suspected as the author: 
 of this expedient, to rid his hands of a yoke-fellow "^' 
 for whom he was well known to have rito great de- 
 votion. This impertinent and malicious insinua- 
 tion made some impression upon the bystanders, 
 and furnished ample field for slander to asperse the 
 morals of Trunnion, who was represented through 
 the whole district as a monster of barbarity. Nay, 
 the sufiferer herself, though she behaved with great 
 decency and prudence, could not help entertain- 
 ing some small difndence of her husband ; not tliat 
 she imagined he had any design upon her life, but 
 that he had been at pains to adulterate the brandy, 
 with a view of detaching her from that favourite 
 Itquor. 
 
 On this supposition she resolved to act with 
 more caution for the future, without setting on foot 
 any inquiry about the afliiir ; while the commo- 
 dore, imputing her indisposition to some natural 
 eause, after the danger was past, never bestoAved 
 a thought upon the subject ; so that the perpetra- 
 tors were quit of their tear, which, however, had 
 punislied them so effectually, that they never 
 would hazard any more jokes of the same na- 
 ture. 
 
 The shafts of their wit were now directed against 
 the commander himself, Avhom they teased and 
 twrified almost out of his senses. One day while
 
 PEUEGRINE PICKLE. 91 
 
 he Mas at dinner, Pipes came and told him that 
 t here was a person below that wanted to speak with 
 liim iinnietiiately about an aftliir of the greatest 
 import;ince, that would admit of no delay ; upon 
 which he ordered the stranger to be told that he 
 was engaged, and that he must send up his name 
 and business. To this demand he reeeivetl for 
 answer a message, importing that the person's name 
 Avas unknown to him, and his business of such a 
 nature, that it could not be disclosed to any one 
 b;it the commodore himself, ^vhom he earnestly 
 desired to see Avithout loss of time. 
 
 Trunnion, surprised at this importunity, got up 
 with great reluctance, in the middle of his meal, 
 and descending to a parlour where the stranger was, 
 asked him in a surly tone what he wanted with 
 him in such a danm'd hurry, that he could not 
 wait till he had made an end of his mess ? The 
 other, not at all disconcerted at this rough address, 
 advanced close up to him on his tiptoes, and, with 
 a look of confidence and conceit, laying his mouth 
 to one side of the commodore's head, whispered 
 softly in his ear, ' sir, I am the attorney whom 
 you wanted to converse with in private.' ' The at- 
 torney !' caried Trunnion, 'staring and half choked 
 with choler. * Yes, sir, at your service,' replied 
 this retainer to the law, ' and, if you please, the 
 sooner we dispatch the affair tlie better, for it is 
 an old observation that delay breeds danger.' 
 ' Truly, brother,' said the commodore, who could 
 no longer contain himseli', ' I do confess that I am 
 very much of your way of thinking, iVje see ;' and 
 so saying, he litled up his walking stiff, which 
 w as something between a crutch and a cudgel, and 
 discharged it with such energy on the seat of the 
 attorney's understanding, that, if there had been 
 any thing but solid bone, the contents of his skull 
 must have been evacuated. m
 
 92' THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 Fortified as lie was by nature against all siiclr 
 assaults^ he could not withstand the momentum of 
 the blow, which in an instant laid him flat on the 
 lloor, deprived of all sense and motion ; and Trun- 
 nion hopped up stairs to dinner, applauding him- 
 self in ejaculations all the way for the vengeance 
 he had taken on such an impudent pettifogging 
 miscreant. 
 
 The attorney no sooner awaked from his-^trance, 
 into which he had been so unexpectedly lulled, 
 than hje cast his eyes around in quest of evidence, 
 by which he might be enabled the more easily to 
 prove the injury he had sustained ; but not a soul 
 appearing, he made shift to get upon his legs again, 
 and, with the blood trickling over his nose, fol- 
 lowed one of the servants into the dining-room, re- 
 solved to~ome to an explanation witk the assail- 
 ant, and either extort money from him by way of 
 satisfaction, or provoke him to a second applica- 
 tion Ijcfors witnesses. With this view he entered 
 the room in a peal of clamour, to the amazement 
 of all present, and the terror of Mrs. Trunnion, 
 who shrieked at the appearance of such a spec- 
 tacle ; and addressing himself to the commodore, 
 * riltell you what, sir,' said he, ' if there I)e law in 
 England, I'll make you smart for this here assault : 
 you think you have screened yourself from a pro- 
 secution, by sending all your servants out of the 
 way, but that circumstance will appear upon trial 
 to be a plain proof of the malice prepense with 
 which the fact was committed, especially when 
 corroborated by the evidence of this here letter, 
 under your own hand, whereby I am desired ta 
 come to your own house to transact an affair of 
 consequence.' So saying, he produced the writ- 
 ing, and read the contents in these words. -
 
 TL'REGRIXE PICKLE. 9S 
 
 * MR. ROGER RAVINE. 
 
 ' Sir, being in a manner prisoner in my own house, I 
 ilcsire you will give me a call precisely jat three o'clock 
 in the afternoon, and insist upon seeing me yourself, 
 as I have an affair of great consequence, in which your 
 particular advice is wanted, by your humble servant, 
 
 ' HAWSER TRUNNION.' 
 
 The one-eyed commander, who had been satis- 
 iicd Avilh the chastisement he liad already bestow- 
 ed upon the plaintiff', hearing him read this auda- 
 cious piece of forgery, which he considered as the 
 effect of his own villany, started up from table, 
 and seizing a huge turkey that lay in a dish be- 
 fore liim, would have applied it, sauce and all, by 
 way of poultice to his wound, had he not been re- 
 strained by Hatchway, who laid fast hold on both 
 his arms, and fixed him to his chair again, advis- 
 ing the attorney to sheer off with what he had 
 got. Far from following this salutary counsel, he 
 redoubled his threats, and set Trunnion at defiance, 
 telling him he was not a man of true courage, al- 
 though he had commanded a ship of war, or else 
 he would not have attacked any person in such a 
 cowardly and clandestine manner. This provoca- 
 tion would have answered his purpose effectually, 
 had not his adversary's indignation been repressed 
 by the suggestions of the lieutenant, who desired 
 his friend in a whisper to be easy, for he would 
 take care to have the at<oniey tossed in a blanket 
 for his presumption. This proposal, which he re- 
 ceived with great approbation, pacified him in a 
 moment ; he wiped the sweat from his forehead, 
 and his features relaxed into a grim smile. 
 
 Hatchway disappeared, and Ravine proceeded 
 with great ihjency of abuse, until he was interrupt- 
 ed by the arrival of Pipes, who, without any ex- 
 postulation, led him out by the hand; and con-
 
 1^ THE ADVEJfTURES OF 
 
 ducted him to the yard, where he was put into 
 a carpet, and in a twinkling sent into the air by 
 the strength and dexterity of five stout operators, 
 whom the lieutenant had selected from the num- 
 ber of domestics for that singular spell of duty. 
 
 In vain did the astonished vaulter beg for the 
 love of God and passion of Christ, that they would 
 take pity upon him, and put an end to his invo- 
 luntary gambols ; they were deaf to his prayers 
 and protestations, even when he swore, in the most 
 solenm manner, that, if they would cease torment- 
 ing him, he would forget and forgive what was 
 past, and depart in peace to his own habitation ; 
 and continued the game till they were fatigued 
 with the exercise. 
 
 llavine being dismissed in a most melancholy 
 plight, brought an action of assault and battery 
 against the commodore, and subpoena'd all the 
 servants as evidences in the cause ; but as none of 
 them had seen what happened, he did not find his 
 account in the prosecution, though he himself ex- 
 amined all the witnesses, and, among other ques- 
 tions, asked, whether they had not seen him come 
 ill like another man ? and whether they had ever 
 seen any other man in such a condition as that in 
 which he had crawled off? but this last interro- 
 gation they were not obliged to answer, because it 
 had reference to the second discipline he had un- 
 dergone, in which they, and they only, were con- 
 cerned ; and no person is bound to give testimony 
 against himself. 
 
 In short, the attorney was nonsuited, to the sa- 
 tisfaction of all who knew him, and found himself 
 under the necessity of proving that he had receiv- 
 ed, in course of post, the letter, which was declar- 
 ed in court a scandalous forgery, in order to 
 prevent an indictment with which he was threaten- 
 ed by the comraodore, who little dreamed that the
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 95 
 
 whole affair had been planned and executed by 
 Perofifriiie and his associates. 
 
 The next enterprise in which this triumvirate 
 engaged, was a scheme to frighten Trunnion with 
 an apparition, which they prepared and executed 
 in this manner. To the hide of a large ox. Pipes 
 fitted a leathern vizor, of a most terrible appearance, 
 stretched on the jaws of a shark, which he had 
 brought from sea, and accommodated with a 
 couple of broad glasses, instead of eyes. On the 
 inside of these, he placed two rush-lights, and 
 with a composition of sulphur and saltpetre, made 
 a pretty large fuse, which he fixed between two 
 rows of the teeth. This equipage being finished, 
 he, one dark night chosen for the purpose, put it 
 on, and followed the commodore into a long pas- 
 sage, in which he was preceeded by Perry with a 
 light in his hand, kindled his fire- work with a 
 match, and began to bellow like a bull. The boy, 
 as it was concerted, looking behind him, screamed 
 aloud, and dropped the light, which was extin- 
 guished in the fall : when Trunnion, alarmed at 
 his nephew's consternation, exclaimed, ' zounds ! 
 w hat's the matter ? And, turning about to see the 
 cause of his dismaj , beheld a hideous phantom 
 vomiting blue flame, which aggravated the hor- 
 rors of its aspect. He was instantly seized with 
 an agony of fear, which divested him of his rea- 
 son ; nevertheless, he, as it were mechanically, 
 raised his trusty supporter in his own defence, and 
 the apparition advancing towards him, aimed it 
 at this dreadful annoyance with such a convulsive 
 exertion of strength, that, had not the blow chanc- 
 ed to light upon one of the horns, Mr. Pipes would 
 have had no cause to value himself upon his in- 
 vention. Misapplied as it was, he did not fail to 
 stagger at the shock, and, dreading another such 
 salutation, closed with the commodore, and hav-
 
 $6 THE ADVENTURES Ot 
 
 ing tripped up his heels, retreated with great c'X' 
 pedition. 
 
 It was then that Peregrine, pretending to recol- 
 lect himself a little, ran with all the mai'ks of dis- 
 turbance and affright, and called up the servants 
 to the assistance of their master, whom thejr 
 found in a cold sweat upon the floor, his features 
 bejjokejmg horror and confusion. Hatchway 
 raised him up, and, having comforted him with a 
 cup of Nantz, began to inquire into the cause of 
 liis disorder ; but he could not extract one word 
 of answer from his friend, who, after a considerable 
 pause, during which lie seemed to be wrapped up 
 in profound contemplation, pronounced aloud. 
 ^ By the Lord ! Jack, you may say what you 
 wool ; but I'll be damn'd if it was not Davy Jones 
 himself. I know him by bis saucer-eyes, his three 
 rows of teeth, his horns and tail, and the blue 
 smoke that came out of his nostrils. What does 
 the blackguard hell's baby want with rae ! I am 
 sure I never committed murder, except in the way 
 of my profession, nor wronged any man whatsom- 
 ever smce I first went to sea.' This same Davy 
 Jones, according to the mj thology of sailors, is 
 the fiend that presides over all tlie evil spirits of 
 the deep, and is often seen in various shapes, 
 perching among the rigging 'on the eve of hurri- 
 canes, shipwrecks, and other disasters, to which a 
 seafaring life is exposed ; warning the devoted 
 wretch of death and woe. No wonder that Trun- 
 nion was disturbed by a supposed visit of this de^ 
 mon, which in his opinion foreboded some dreadful 
 calamity.
 
 1>EREGRINE PICKLE. 97 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 tie Is also ly their advice engaged in an adventure with 
 the exciseman, who does not find his account in his own 
 drollery. 
 
 Howsoever preposterous and unaccoimfable 
 that passion may be, which prompts persons, other- 
 w ise generous and sympathising, to afflict and per- 
 plex Uicir fellow-creatures, certain it is, our confe- 
 derates entertained such a large proportion of it, 
 tiiat, not satisfied witli the pranks they had already 
 played, tliey still persecuted the commodore with- 
 out ceasing. In the course of his own history, 
 the particulars of which he delighted to recount, 
 he had often rehearsed an adventure of deer-steal- 
 ing, in which (during the unthinking impetuosity 
 of his youth) lie had been unfortunately concerned. 
 Far from succeeding in that achievement, he and 
 his associates had (it seems) been made prisoners, 
 after an obstinate engagement witii the keepers, 
 and carried before a neighbouring justice of the 
 ]>eace, who used Trunnion with great indignity, 
 and with his companions committed him to jail. 
 
 His own relations, and in particular an uncle, 
 on whom he chiefly depended, treated him during 
 his confinement with great rigour and inhumanity, 
 and absolutely refused to interpose their influence in 
 his behalf, unless he would sign a writing oblig- 
 ing himself to go to sea within thirty days after 
 ills release, under the penalty of being proceeded 
 against as a felon. The alternative was, either to 
 undergo this voluntary exile, or remain in prison, 
 disowned and deserted by every body, and after 
 all, suffer an ignominous trial, that might end in 
 a sentence of transportation for life. He therefore, 
 without much hesitation, embraced the proposal 
 of his kinsman, and (as he observed) was, in le5S 
 Vol. I. E
 
 98 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 than a month after liis discharge, turned adrift io 
 the mere J of the wind and waves. 
 
 Since that period he had never maintained any 
 correspondence with his relations, all of whom had 
 concurred in sending him oft'; nor v/ould he ever 
 pay the least regard to the humiliations and sup- 
 plications of some among them, who had prostrat- 
 ed themselves before him, on the advancement of_ 
 Lis fortune ; but he retained a most~iFivcterate re- 
 sentment against his uncle, who was still in being, 
 though extremely old and infirm, and frequently 
 mentioned his name with all the bitterness of re- 
 venge. 
 
 Perry being perfectly well acquainted with the 
 particulars of this story, which he had heard so of- 
 ten repeated, proposed to Hatchway, that a person 
 should be hired to introduce himself to the commo- 
 dore, with a suppositious letter of recommendation 
 from this detested kinsman ; an imposition that, in 
 all likelihood, would afford abundance of diversion. 
 The lieutenant relished the scheme, and young 
 Pickle having composed an epistle for the occa- 
 sion, the exciseman of the parish, a fellow of great 
 impudence ami some humour, in whom Hatch- 
 way could confide, undertook to transcribe and de- 
 liver it with his own hand, and also personate 
 the man in whose favour it was feigned to be writ. 
 He accordingly one morning arrived on horse- 
 back at the garrison, two hours at least before 
 Trunnion used to get up, and gave Pipes, Avho 
 admitted him, to understand, that he had a letter 
 for his master, which he was ordered to deliver to 
 none but the commodore himself. This message 
 was no sooner communicated, than the indignant 
 chief (who had been waked for the purpose) began 
 to curse the messenger for breaking his rest, and 
 swore he would not budge till his usual time of 
 tumlDg out. This resolution being conveyed to
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 99 
 
 (he stranger, he desired the carrier to go back and 
 tell liim, he had such joyful tidings to impart 
 that he >vas sure the commodore would think him- 
 self amply rewarded for his trouble, even if he had 
 been raisetl from the grave to receive them. 
 
 This assurance, flattering as it was, would not 
 have been powerful enough to persuade him, had 
 it not been assisted with the exhortations of his 
 spouse, which never failed to influence his con- 
 duct. He therefore crept out of bed, though not 
 without great repugnance, and, wrapping himself 
 in his morning gown, was supported down stairs, 
 rubbing his eye, yawning fearfully, and grumbling 
 all the way. As ?oon as he popped his head into 
 the parlour, the supposed stranger made divers awk- 
 ward bows, and with a grinning aspect accosted 
 him in these words : ' your most humble servant, 
 most noble commodore ! I hope you are in good 
 health ; you look pure and hearty, and, if it was 
 not for that misfortune of your eye, one would not 
 desire to see a more pleasant countenance in a 
 summer's day. Sure as I am a living soul, one 
 would take you to be on this side of threescore. 
 Laud help us ! I should have known you to be a 
 Trunnion, if I had met with you in the midst of 
 Salisbury plain, as the saying is.' The commo- 
 dore, who was not at all in the humour of relish- 
 ing such an impertinent pn^amble, interrupted him 
 in this place, saying, with a peevish accent, 
 ' pshaw ! pshaw ! brother, there's no occasion to 
 bowss out so much unnecessary gum ; if you can't 
 bring your discourse to bear on the right subject, 
 you had much better clap a stopper on your tongue, 
 and bring yourself up, d'ye see : I ^\ as told you 
 had something to deliver.' * Deliver!' (cried the 
 waggish imposture) ' odds heart ! I have got some- 
 thing for you that will make your very entrails 
 rejoice within your body. Here's a letter from a 
 
 E2
 
 100 he adventures of 
 
 dear and worthy friend of yours. Take, read it, 
 and be happy. Blessings on his old heart ! one 
 would think he had renewed his age, like the 
 eagles.' Trunnion's exj>ectation being thus rais- 
 ed, he called for his spectacles, adjusted them to 
 liis eye, took the letter, and, being curious to know 
 the subscription, no sooner perceived his uncle's 
 name, than he started back, his lip quivered, and 
 he began to shake in every limb with resentment 
 and surprise ; nevertheless, eager to know the sub- 
 ject of an epistle from a person who had never be- 
 ibre troubled him with any sort of address, he en- 
 deavoured to recollect himself, and perused the 
 contents, which were these. 
 
 * LOVING NEPHE'W', 
 
 ' I doubt not but you will be rejoiced to hear of my 
 welfare ; and well you may, considering what a kind 
 uncle I have been to you in the days of your youth, and 
 how little you deserved any such thing ; for you was al- 
 ways a graceless young man, given to wicked courses 
 and bad company, whereby you would have come to a 
 shameful end, had it not been for my ciire in sending 
 you out of mischief's way. But this is not the cause of 
 my present writing. The bearer, Mr. Timothy Trickle, 
 is a distant relation of yours, being the son of the cousin 
 of your aunt Margery, and is not over and above well as 
 to worldly matters. He thinks of going to London, to 
 see for some post in the excise or customs, if so be that 
 you will recommend him to some great man of your ac- * 
 quaintance, and give him a small matter to keep him till 
 he is provided. I doubt not, nephew, but you will be 
 glad to serve him, if it was no more but for the respect 
 you bear to me, who am, loving nephew, your affec- 
 tionate uncle, and servant to command, 
 
 * TOBIAH TRUNNIOM,' 
 
 It would be a difficult task for the iniraitiible 
 Hogarth himself to exhibit the ludicrous expres - 
 iion of the commodore's cpiintcnance, while Ee 
 read this letter. It was not a stare of astonish-
 
 pehecirine pickle. lOl 
 
 raciif, a cwivnlsion of rage, or a ghastly grin of 
 revenge, but an association of all three, that took 
 possession of his features. At length he hawked 
 up, \vith incredible straining, the interjecfioifi StH" 
 ~Yhat seemed to have stuck some time in his wind- 
 ])ipe, and thus gave vent to his indignation : 
 ' have I come along side of you at last, you old 
 stinking cufmudgeon ! you lie, you lousy hulk, 
 you lie you did all in your po^ver to founder me 
 when I was a stripling ; and, as for beuig grace- 
 less, and wicked, and keeping bad company, you 
 tell a damned lie again, you thief; there was not a 
 more peaceable lad in the county, and I kept no 
 bad company but your own, d'ye see. There- 
 fore, you Trickle, or what's your name, tell the old 
 rascal that sent you hitlier, that I spit in his face, 
 and call him horse ; that I tear his letter into rags, 
 so ; and that I trample upon it as I would npoii 
 his own villanous carcase, d'ye see.' So saymg, 
 he danced in a sort of frenzy upon the fragments 
 of the paper, which he had scattered about the 
 room, to the inexpressible satisfoction of the tri- 
 imivirate, who beheld the scene. 
 
 The exciseman having got between him and 
 the door, which ^as left open for his escape, in 
 case of necessity, affected great confusion and sur- 
 j)rise at his behaviour, saying with an air of mor- 
 tification, ' lord be merciful unto me ! is this the 
 way you treat yoiu own relations, and the recom- 
 mendation of your best friend! Surely all grati- 
 tude and virtue have left this sinful world ! What 
 will cousin Tim, and Dick, and Tom, and good 
 mothejr Pipkin, and her daughters, cousins Sue, 
 and Prue, and Peg, with all the rest of our kins- 
 folk, say, when they hear of this unconscionabk' 
 reception that I have met with? Consider, sir, that 
 ingratitude is worse than the sin of Avitchcraft, as 
 the aj)ostle wisely observis : and do not send me 
 
 E 3
 
 102 THE ADVENTURES OP 
 
 away wilh such unchristian usage, whicli will lay 
 a heavy load of guilt upon your poor miserable 
 soul.' ' What, you are on a cruise for a post, 
 brother Trickle, an't ye !' (said Trunnion, inler- 
 rupting him), ' Ave s>hall find a post for you in a 
 trice, ray boy. Here Pipes, take this saucy son 
 of a bitch, bplay him to the whipping-post in the 
 yard. I'll teach you to rowse me in the morning 
 with such imjicrtinent messages.' Pipes, who 
 "wanted to carry the joke farther than the excise- 
 man dreamed of, laid hold of him in a twinkling, 
 and executed the orders of his commander, not- 
 withstanding all his nods, winking, and signifi- 
 cant gestures, which the boatswain's mate would 
 by no means understand: so that he began to 
 repent of the part he acted in this performance, 
 which was like to end so tragically, and stood fas- 
 tened to the stake, in a very disagreeable state of 
 suspense, casting many a rueful look over his left 
 shoulder (while Pipes was absent in quest of a cat- 
 and-ninc-tails), in expectation of being relieved by 
 the interposition of the lieutenant, who did not, 
 hoMCver, appear. Uom, rciuining with the in- 
 strument of correction, undressed the delinquent in 
 a trice, and whispering in his ear, that he was 
 very sorry for being employed in such an office, 
 but durst not for his soul disobey the orders of his 
 commander, flourished the scourge about his head, 
 and, with admirable dexterity, made such a smart- 
 ing application to the offender's back and shoul- 
 ders, that the distracted gauger performed sundry 
 new cuts with his feet, and bellowed hideously with 
 pain, to the infinite satisfactionof the spectators. At 
 length, when he was almost ilea'd from his rump 
 to the nape of his neck, Hatchway, who had pur- 
 posely absented himself hitherto, appeared in the 
 yard, and, interposing in his behalf, prevailed up- 
 on Trunnion to call olf the executioner, and or- 
 dered the malefactor to be released.
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 103 
 
 The exciseman, mad with the catastrophe he 
 had undergone, threatened to he revenged upon his 
 employers, by making a candid confession of the 
 %vholc plot ; but the lieutenant giving him to un- 
 derstand, that, in so doing, he would bring upon 
 himself a prosecution for fraud, forgery, and im- 
 posture, he was fain to put up with his loss, and 
 sneakcnl out of tlte garrison, atteiidcd with a volley 
 of curses discharged upon him by the commodore, 
 Avho was exceedingly irritated by the disturbance 
 and disappointment he had undergone. 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 The commodore detects the machinations of the conspira- 
 tors, and hires a tutor for Peregrine^ whom he settles 
 at Winchester school. 
 
 1 HIS was not tlie least afHiction ne suffered from 
 unwearied endeavours and inexhausted inventioa 
 of his tormentors, who harassed him with such a. 
 variety of mischievous pranks, that he began to 
 think a the devils in hell had conspired against 
 his peaci ; and accordingly became \ery serious 
 and contemplative on the subject. 
 
 Til I ho course oihis nieditatioiis, A\Iien he recol- 
 lecled and compared the circumstances of every 
 niorti'ication to n litch he had been lately exposed, 
 he could not help suspecting that some ot them, 
 must have been contrived to vex him ; and as he 
 was not ignorant of his lieutenant's disposition, 
 nor unacquainted with the talents of Peregrine, he 
 resolved to observe them both for the future Avith 
 the utmost care and circumspection. This reso- 
 lution, aided by the incautious conduct of the con- 
 spirators, whom, by this time, success had ren- 
 dered heedless and indiscreet, was attended witU 
 
 E4
 
 104 THE ADVENTURES OP 
 
 the desired effect. lie in a little time detected 
 Perry in a new plot, and by dint of a little chas- 
 tiseineut, and a great many threats, extorted from 
 him a confession of all the contrivences in m hich 
 he had been concerned. The commodore was 
 thnndei'stnick at the discovery, and so much in- 
 censed against Hatchway for the part he had act- 
 ed in the whole, that he deliberated with himself, 
 whether he should demand satLsfkction with swortl 
 and pistol, or dismiss him from the garrison, and 
 renounce all friendship with him at once. But 
 lie had been so long accustomed to Jack's com- 
 pany, that he could not live without him ; and, 
 upon more cool reflection, perceivin^tTiat what 
 he had done was rather the effect of wantonness 
 ihan malice, which he himself would nare langh- 
 edlosee take place upon any other person, he de- 
 termined to devour his chagrin, and extend his 
 forgiveness even (o Pipes, whoin, in the first sally 
 of his passion, he had looked upon in a more cri- 
 minal light than that of a simple mutineer. This 
 determination was seconded by another, w hich he 
 thought absolutely necessar}* for his own repose, 
 and in which his own interest and that of his ne- 
 phew concurred. 
 
 Peregrine was now turned of t^velve, had made 
 such advances under the instruction of Jennings 
 that he often disputed upon grammar, and was 
 sometimes thought to have the belter in his con- 
 tests with the parish priest, who, notrnthstanding 
 this acknowledged superiority of his antagonist, 
 did great justice to his genius, which he assural 
 JMr. Trunnion would be lost for want of cultiva- 
 tion, if the boy was not immediately sent to pro- 
 secute his studies at some proper seminary of learn- 
 ing. 
 
 This maxim had been more than once inculcat- 
 ed upon the commodore by Mrs. Trunnion, who,
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 105 
 
 over aiul above the deference she paid <o the par- 
 son's opinion, had a reason of her own for wishing 
 to see (he house clear of Pcregruie, at whose pry- 
 ing- disposition she began to Ix? very uneasy. In- 
 duced by these motives, which were johied by the 
 solicitation of the youth Jiinisclf, who ardently 
 longed to see a little more of the Avorld, his uncle 
 determined to send him forthwith to \Vijichester, 
 luider the immediate aire and inspection of a go- 
 vernor, to whom he allowed a very handsome 
 ^ppohitment for that purpose. This gentleman, 
 AThose nanic was Mr. Jacob Jolter, had been school- 
 It How with the parson of the parish, who recom- 
 mended him to Mrs. Trunnion as a person of great 
 worth and learning, in cA^ery respect qualiiied for 
 the office of a tutor. He likewise added, by way 
 of eulogium, that he avjis a man of exemplary 
 piety, aud particularly zealous for the honour of the 
 church of which he was a member, having been 
 many years in holy orders, though he did not then 
 exercise any function of the priesthood. Indeed 
 Mr. Jolter 's zeal was so exceedingly fervent, as on 
 some occasions io get the better of his. discretion ; 
 ior, being an high churchman, and of consequence 
 a malcontent, his resentment was habituated into 
 an unsurmountable prejudice against the present 
 disposition of affairs, ;which, by confounding the 
 nation with the ministry, sometimes led him into 
 ciro] icons, not to say absurd, calculations ; other- 
 wise a man of good morals, well versed in mathe- 
 matics and school divinity, studies which liad not 
 at all contributed to sweeten aud unbend the na- 
 tural sourness and severity of his complexion. 
 
 This gentleman being destined to the charge of 
 superintending Perry's education, every thing was 
 prepared for their departure ; and Tom Pipes, in 
 consequence of his own petition, put into livery, 
 and appointed fgotman to the young squire. But, 
 
 E5
 
 106 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 before they set out, the commodore paid the com- 
 pliment of communicating his design to Mr. 
 Pickle, who approved of the plan, though he durst 
 not venture to see the boy ; so much was he inti- 
 midated by the remonstrances of his wife, whose 
 aversion to her first-born became every day more 
 inveterate and unaccountable. This unnatural 
 caprice seemed to^be supported by a consideration 
 which (one would imagine) might have rather 
 vanquished her disgust. Her second son Gam, 
 who was now in the fourth year of liis age, had 
 been rickety from the cradle, and as remarkably 
 unpromising in appearance as Perry w^s agree- 
 able in his person. As the deformity increased, 
 the mother's fondness was augmented, and the 
 vinilence of her hate against the other son seemed 
 to prevail in the same proportion. 
 
 Far from allowing Perry to enjoy the common 
 privileges of a child, she would not suffer him to 
 approach his father's house, expressed uneasuiess 
 whenever his name happened to be mentioned , 
 sickened at his praise, and in all respects behaved 
 like a~nrost rancorous stepmother. Though she 
 no longer rctamed that ridiculous notion of his be- 
 ing an im poster, she still continued to abhor him, 
 as if she really believed him to be such ; and when 
 any person desired to know the cause of her sur- 
 j^isuig dislike, she always lost her temper, and 
 peevishly replied, that she had reasonsof her own, 
 which she was not obliged to declare ; nay, so 
 much was she aflected by this vitious partiality, 
 that she broke off all commerce with her sister-in- 
 law and the commodore, because they favoured 
 the poor child with their countenance and protec- 
 tion. 
 
 Her malice, however, was frustrated by the love 
 and generosity of Trunnion, who, liaving adopted - 
 him as his own son, equipped him accordingly,
 
 PERECnirfE PICKLE. 107 
 
 and carried liini and his governor in his own coach 
 to Ihc place of des<ina<ion, where they were settled 
 on a very genteel footing, and every thing regu- 
 lated according to their desires. 
 
 Mrs. Trunnion behaved with great decency at 
 the departure of her nephew, to whom, Avith a 
 great many pious advices and injunctions to be- 
 have with submission and reverence toAvards his 
 tutor, she presented a diamond ring of small va- 
 lue, and a gold medal, as tgl^cm-s of her affection 
 and esteem. As for the lieutenant, he accompa- 
 nied them in the coach ; and such Avas the friend- 
 ship he had contracted for Perry, that, Avhen the 
 commodore jjroposed to return, after having ac- 
 complished the intent of his journey. Jack abso- 
 lutely refused to attend him, and sigryjfied his re- 
 soliition to stay AAhere he Avas. 
 
 Trunnion Avas the more startled at this declara- 
 tion, as HatcliAvayAA as become so necessary to him 
 in almost all the purposes of his life, that lie fore- 
 saw he should not be able to exist Avithout his 
 company. Not a Utile affected Avith this consi- 
 deration, he turned his eye ruefully upon the lieu- 
 tenant, saying, in a piteous tone, ' Avhat ! leave 
 me at last, Jack, after Ave liaAe Aveathenxl so many 
 hard gales together? damn my limbs! I thought 
 you had been more iyi" an honest heart : I looked 
 upon you as my foremast, and Tom Pipes as my 
 mizen ; now he is carried aAvay ; if so be as you 
 go too, my standing rigging being decayed, d'ye 
 see, the first squal Avill Ijring me by the board. 
 Damn ye, if in case I liaAe given oSence, can't; 
 you speak above board, ana I shall make 3011 
 amends.' 
 
 Jack being ashamed to own the true situation 
 of his thoughts, after some hesitation, ansAvered 
 with perplexity and incoherence, ' no, damme 1 
 that arn't the case neither ; to be sure you always
 
 ]08 - THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 used rae in an officer-like manner, that I must (Jwn- 
 to give the devil Itis due, as the saying is ; but for 
 all tliat, this here is the case, 1 have some thoughts 
 of going to school myself to Je^- your Latin lin-^ 
 gftj^ for, as the saying is, (^6e//er late mend ihau 
 jiezer ; and 1 am iutbnned^as Tiow one -an-get 
 more for the money here than anywhere else.' 
 
 In vain did Trunnion endeavour to convince 
 him of the folly of going to school at his years, by 
 leprcsentLng that the boys would make game of 
 him, and that he would become a laughing-stock 
 to all the world ; he persisted in his resolution to 
 stay, and the commodore was fain to have recourse 
 to the mediation of Pipes and Perry, who employ- 
 ed their influence with Jack, and at last prevail- 
 ed upon him to return to the garrison, after Trun- 
 nion had promised he should be at liberty to visit 
 them once a month. This stipulation being settl- 
 ed, he and his friend took leave of the pupil, go- 
 vernor, and attendant, and next morning set out 
 for their habitation^ w hich they reached in safety 
 that same night. 
 
 Such was Hatchway's reluctance io leave Pere- 
 grine, that he is said, for the first time in his life, 
 to have looked misty at parting : certain I am, 
 that, on the road homewards, after a long pause 
 of silence, which the commodore never dreamed 
 of interrupting, he exclaimed all of a sudden, 
 * I'll be damn'd if the dog ha'n't given me some 
 .stuff to make rae love him.' Indeed there was 
 jiomething congenial in the disposition of these 
 two friends, which never failed to manifest itself 
 in the sequel, howsoever different their education, 
 circumstances, tind connections, liajipcned to 1*-
 
 pehegkine pickle. 109 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 Pel C3;rine disiinguishes himself among his school-fellou'S^ 
 cxfjoscs his tutor, and attracts the particular notice^ of 
 the master. 
 
 1 Hus left io llic prosecution of liis studies, Perc- 
 giiuewas iu a little time a distinguished character, 
 iiol only for his acutencss of apprehension, but al- 
 so for that mischievous fertility of fancy, of which 
 ^\e have already given such pregnant examples. 
 jut, as there was a great number of such lumi- 
 naries in this new sphere to wiiich he belonged, 
 l)is talents were not so conspicuous, while they 
 shone in his single capacity, as they afterwards 
 appeared, when they concentered and reflected 
 I lie rays of the whole consteltation. 
 
 At first he confined himself to piddling game, ex- 
 ercising his genius upon his own tutor, who attract- 
 ed Jiis attcijtiQji, by endeavouring to seasoft'hiS 
 niind with certain political maxims, the fallacy of 
 which he had discernment enough to perceive. 
 Scarce a day passed in'which he did not find 
 means to render Mr. Jolter the object of ridicule ; 
 his violent prejudices, ludicrous vanity, awkward 
 solemnity, and ignorance of mankind, afforded 
 contin\ial food for the raillery, petulance, and sa- 
 tire, of liis pupil, who never neglected an oppor- 
 tunity of laughing, and making others laugh at 
 his expence. 
 
 Sometimes, in their parties, by mixing brandy in 
 his wine, he decoyed this pedagogue into a de- 
 bauch, during which his caution forsook liim, 
 and he exposed himself to the censure of the com- 
 pany. Sometimes, when the conversation turned 
 upon intricate subjects, he practised upon him the 
 Socratic method of confutation, and, under pr-
 
 110 THE ADVEVTURES OP 
 
 tence of being informed, by an artful train of 
 puzzling questions, insensibly betrayed Lim into 
 self-contradiction. ''^~-..^----' 
 
 All the remains of authority which he had hither- 
 to preserved over Peregrine soon vanished ; so that, 
 for the future, no sort of ceremony subsisted be- 
 twixt them, and all Mr. Jolter's precepts were con- 
 veyed in hints of friendly advice, which the otlier 
 might either follow or neglect at his own pleasure. 
 No wonder then that Peregrine gave a loose to his 
 inclinations, and by dint of genius, and an enter- 
 prising temper, made a figure among the younger 
 class of heroes in the school. 
 
 Before he had been a full year at Winchester, 
 he had signalized himself in so many achievements 
 in defiance to the laws and regulations of the place, 
 that he was looked upon with admiration, and 
 actually chosen dw.r, or leader, by a large body of 
 his contemporaries. It Mas not long before his 
 fame reached the ears of his master, who sent for 
 Mr. Jolter, communicated to him the informations 
 he had received, and desired him to check the 
 vivacity of his charge, and redouble his vigilance 
 in time to come, else he should be obliged to make 
 a public example of his pupil for the benefit of the 
 school. 
 
 The governor, conscious of his own unimport- 
 ance, Mas not a little disconcerted at this injunc- 
 tion, which it was not in his power to fulfil by 
 any compulsive means. lie therefore Mcnt home 
 in a very pensive mood, and, after mature deli- 
 lieration, resolved to expostulate with Peregrine in 
 the most familiar terms, and endeavour to dissuade 
 him from practices Avhich might affect his charac- 
 ter as M'ell as interest. He accordingly frankly 
 told him the subject of the master's discourse, re- 
 presented the disgrace he might incur by neglect- 
 ing this warning, and, putting hira in mind of his
 
 PERECniNE PICKLE. Ill 
 
 own situation, hinted the consequences of the com- 
 modore's displeasure, in case he should be brought 
 to disapprove of his conduct. These insinuations 
 made the greater imprest-ion, as they were deliver- 
 ed with many expressions of friendship and con- 
 cern. The young gentleman was not so raw but 
 that he could perceive the solidity of Mr. Jolter's 
 advice, to which he promised to conform, liecause 
 his pride was interested in the affair ; and he con- 
 sidered his own reformation as the only means of 
 avoiding that infamy which (even in idea) he could 
 not bear. 
 
 His governor, finding hijn so reasonable, profit- 
 ed by these moments of rcHection, and, in order to 
 prevent a relapse, proposed that he should engage 
 in some deliglitfid study, that would agreeably 
 amuse liis imagination, and gradually detach him 
 froin those cormections which had involved him in 
 so many troublesome adventures. For this pur- 
 pose, he, with many rapturous encomiums, recom- 
 mendetl llie mathematics, as yielding more ration- 
 al and sensible pleasures to a youthful fancy than 
 any other subject of contemplation, and actually 
 began to read Euclid with him that same after- 
 noon. 
 
 Peregrine entered upon this branch of learning 
 with all that warmth of application which boys 
 commonly yield on the first change of study ; but 
 he had scarce advanced beyond the pons mino- 
 rum when his ardour abated ; the test of truth by 
 demonstration did not elevate hini to those tran- 
 sports of joy witli which his preceptor had regal- 
 ed his expectation ; and before he arrival at the 
 fortieth-and-seventli proposition, he began to yawn 
 drearily, make abundance of wry faces, and 
 !^^!^QJI^lJ3-^Ii6lf Jj^at indi i?l^afltly.paid.Jfocili&*-^^^r 
 tentionj^when he shared the vast discovery of Py- 
 tiiagoras, and understood that the square of the
 
 112 THE ADVENTURES OT 
 
 hypothenuse was equal to the squares of the otha* 
 two sides of a right-angled triangle. He was 
 ashamed, however, to fail iji his undertakuig, and 
 persevered with great industry, until he had finish-* 
 cd the first four books, acquired plain trigonome- 
 try^, with the method of algebraical calculation, and 
 made himself well acquainted with the principles 
 of surveying. But no consideration could prevail 
 upon him to extend his inquiries fartheV in this 
 science, and he returned with double relish to his 
 former avocations, like a stream, which, being 
 dammed, accumulates more force, and bursting 
 over its mounds, rushes down with double impe- 
 tuosity. 
 
 Mr. Jolter saw with astonishment and chagrin, 
 but could not resist the torrent. Ilis behaviour 
 was now no other than a series of license and ef- 
 frontery ; prank succeeded prank, and outrage 
 followed outrage, with surprising velocity. Com- 
 plaints were every dayvpreferred against him ; in 
 vain were admonitions bestowed By the governor 
 in private, and menaces discharged by the mas- 
 ters in public ; he disregarded the first, despised 
 the latter, divested himself of all manner of re- 
 straint, and proceeded in his career to such a pitch 
 of audacity, that a consultation was held upon the 
 subject, in which it was determined that this unto- 
 ward spirit should be humbled by a severe and ig- 
 nominious flogguig for the very next offence he 
 should commit. In the meantime, Mr. Jolter 
 was desired to writ in the master's name to the 
 commodore, requesting him to remove Tom Pi|)s 
 from the person of his nephew, the said Pipes be- 
 ing a principal actor and abetter in all his malver- 
 sations ; and to put a stop to the monthly visit- 
 ations of the mutilated lieutenant, who had never 
 once failed to use his permission, but came pmic- 
 tual to a ilav, always fraught with, some new in-
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 113 
 
 volition. Inilceil, by this time, Mr. Hatchway 
 was as well known, and much better iK'lovecl by 
 every boy in the schtx)l, than the master wfo in- 
 strnctecl him, and always received by a number of 
 scholars, who used to attend Peregrine when he 
 Avent forth to meet his friend, and conduct hira ia 
 his lodging with public testimonies of joy and ap- 
 plause. 
 
 As for Tom Pipes, he was not so properly the 
 attendant of Peregrine as master of the revels to 
 the whole school. He mingled in all their parties, 
 and superintended their diversions, deciding be- 
 tween boy and boy, as if he acted by commis-. 
 sion under the great seal. He regulated their mo- 
 tions by his whistle, instructed the young boys 
 in the games of hustle-cap, leap-frog, and clmck- 
 I'arthing ; imparted to those of a more advanced 
 age, the sciences of cribbage and all-fours, together 
 with the method of storming the castle, acting the 
 comedy of Prince Arthur, and other pantomin^es, 
 as they are commonly exhibited at sea ; and in- 
 structed the seniors, who were distinguished by 
 the appellation of bloods, in cudgel-playing, danc- 
 ing the S^ Giles's hornpipe, drinking tiip, and 
 smoking tobacco. These qualifications had ren- 
 dered him so necessary and acceptable to the schol- 
 ars, that, exclusive of Perry's concern in the af- 
 fair, his dismis-sion, in all probability, would have 
 produced some dangerous convulsion in the com- 
 munity. Joltcr, therefore, knowing, his import- 
 a5\ce, informed his pupil of the directions he had 
 received, and very candidly asked how he should 
 demean himself in tiie execution ; for lie durst not 
 \vrite to the conmiodore without this previous 
 notice, fearing that the young gentleman, as 
 soon as he shoidd get an inkling of the affair, 
 v.ould follow the example, and make his imcle 
 ^ncquainted with certain anecdotes^ which it was
 
 114 THE ADVEXTURES OP 
 
 the governor's interest to keep concealed. Pere- 
 grine was of opinion, that he should spare himself 
 the trouble of conveying any complaints to the 
 commodore ; and if questioned by the master, as- 
 sure him he had complied with his desire ; at tlie 
 same time he promised faithfully to conduct him- 
 self with such circumspection for the future, that 
 the masters sliould have no temptation to revive 
 the inquiry. But the resolution attending this ex- 
 torted promise was too frail to last, and, in less than 
 a fortnight, our young hero found himself entangl- 
 ed in an adventure, from which he was not extri- 
 cated with his usual good fortune. 
 
 CHAPTER XVli: 
 
 He is concerned in a dangerous adventure tiilh a certain 
 gardener. .' . . sublimes his ideas, commences gallantx 
 and becomes acquainted with Miss Emily Gauntlets 
 
 ilE and some of his companions one day entered 
 a garden in the suburbs, and having indulged their 
 appetites, desired to know what satisfaction they 
 must make for the fruit they had " pulled. The 
 gardener demanded what (in their opijiion) was 
 an exorbitant price, and thej , with many apprr)- 
 brious terms, refused to pay it. The pe;isant be- 
 ing surly and untractable, insisted upon his right j 
 neither was he deficient nor si>aring in the elo- 
 quence of vulgar abuse. His guests attempted to 
 retreat ; a scuffle ensued, in wliicli Peregrine lost 
 his cap ; and the gardener, being in danger, from 
 the number of his foes, called to his wife to let lose 
 the dog, who instantly flew to his master's assist- 
 ance, and, after having tore the leg of one, and tlie 
 shoulder of another, put the whole body of the
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 113 
 
 scholars to flight. Enraged at the indignity which 
 had been offered them, they solicited a reinforce- 
 ment of their friends, sind, with Tom Pipes at their 
 head, marched back to the field of battle. Their 
 adversary seeing them approach, called his ap- 
 prentice, who worked at the other end of the 
 ground, to his assistance, armed him with a mat- 
 tock, while he himself wielded an hoe, bolted hLs 
 door on the inside, and, flanked with his man and 
 mastiff, waited the attack without flinching. He 
 had not remained three minutes in this posture of 
 defence, when Pipes, who acted as the enemy's 
 forlorn hope, advanced to the gate with great in- 
 trepidity, and clapping his foot to the door, which 
 was none of the stoutest, with the execution and 
 dispatch of a petard, split it into a thousand pieces. 
 This sudden execution had an immediate effect 
 upon the 'prentice, who retreated with great pre- 
 cipitation, and escaped at a postern. But the 
 master placed himself like another Hercules in the 
 breach ; and when Pipes, brandishing his cudgel, 
 stepped forward to engage him, levelled his wea- 
 pon with such force and dexterity at his head, 
 that, had the scull been made of penetrable stuff, 
 the iron edge must have cleft his pate in twain. 
 Casemated as he w as, the instrument cut sheer even 
 to the bone, on which it struck with such amazing 
 violence, that sparks of real fire were produced by 
 the collision. And let not the incredulous reader 
 pretend to doubt the truth of this phenomenon, 
 until he shall have first perused the ingenious Peter 
 Kolben's Natural history of the Cape of Good 
 Hope, Avhcre the inhabitants commonly use to 
 strike fire with the shin-bones of lions, which have 
 been killed in that part of Africa. 
 
 Pipes, though a little disconcerted, far from 
 being disabled by the blow, in a trice retortetl 
 the compliment with his truncheon ; which, had
 
 216 THE ADVEXTtJRES OF 
 
 not his antagonist expeditiously slipped his head 
 aside, "vvould have laid him breathless across his 
 own threshhold ; but, happily for him, he receiv- 
 ed the salutation upon his right shoulder, which 
 crashed beneath the stroke, and the hoe dropj)ed 
 instantly from his tingling hand. Tom perceiving, 
 and being unwilling to forego, the advantage he 
 had gained, darted his head into Uie bosom of this 
 son of earth, and overturned him on the plain, be- 
 ing himself that instant assaulted by the ma^jtift", 
 who fastened upon the outside of bis thigh. Feel- 
 ing himself incommoded by this assailant in his 
 rear, he quitted the prostrate gardener to the re- 
 sentment of his associates, who poured upon him 
 in sholes, and, turning about, laid hold Avith both 
 liis hands of this ferocious animal's throat, which 
 he squeezed with such incredible force and per- 
 severance, that the creature quitted his hold, his 
 tongue lolled out of his jaws, the blood started 
 from his eyes, and he swung a lifeless trunk be- 
 tween the hands of his vanquis.her. 
 
 It was well for his majster that he did not longer 
 exist ! for by this time he was overwhelmed by 
 such a multitude of foes, that his w hole body scarce 
 afforded points of contact to all the fists that drum- 
 med upon it, consequently, to use a vulgar phrase, 
 liis wind was almost knocked out, before Pipes had 
 Icisure^to interpose in his behalf, and persuade his 
 offenders to desist, by representing that the wife 
 had gone to alami the neighbourhood, and that in 
 all probability Ihey would be intercepted in their 
 return. They accordingly listened to his remon- 
 strances, and marched homewards in triumph, 
 leaving the gardener in the embraces of his mother 
 earth, from which he had not power to move when 
 he was found by his disconsolate helpmate and 
 some friends, whom she had assembled for his as- 
 sistance. Among these Mas a blacksmith and fur-.
 
 PCftEGRIXE PICKLE. 117 
 
 rlcr, 'vvlio took cognizance of Uis carcass, every 
 limb of which having examined, he declared there 
 ^im&au) bone broke, and, taking out his fleam ^ 
 . blooded liim "plentifully as he lay. Pie was then 
 conveyed to his bed, from which he was not able 
 to stir during a whole month. His family coming 
 upon the parish, a formal complaint was made to 
 ^'"tbe 'master of the school, and Peregrine represent- 
 ed as the ringleader of those who committed this 
 barbarous assault. An inquiry was immediately 
 sot on foot, and the articles of impeachment being 
 fully proved, our hero was sentenced to be severely 
 chastised in the face of the whole school. This 
 was a disgrace, the thoughts of which his proud 
 heart could not brook. He resolved to make his 
 elopement rather tlian undergo the punishment to 
 w hich he was doomed ; and having signified his 
 s<^ntimejits to his confederates, they promised, one 
 and all, to stand by him, and either screen him 
 from the chastisement, or share his fate. 
 
 Confiding in this friendly protestiition, he ap- 
 peared unconcerned on the day that was ap- 
 pointed for his punishment ; and, when he was 
 called to his destiny, advanced towards the scene, 
 attended by the greatest part of the scholars, who 
 intimated their determination to the master, and 
 proposed that Perigrine should be forgiven. The 
 sujierior behaved with that dignity of demeanour 
 which became his place, represented the tolly and 
 presumption of their demand, reprehended them 
 for their audacious proceeding, ami ordered every 
 boy to his respective station. They obeyed his 
 command, and our unfortunate hero was public- 
 Ty harsed, in teirorem of all whom it might con- 
 cern. "'-.._.- "'- ' 
 
 This disgrace had a very sensible c^cci upon 
 the mind of Peregrine, who having by this time 
 i>a8scd the fourteenth year of his age, began to
 
 118 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 adopt the pride and sentiments of a man. Thus 
 dishonourably stigmatized, he was ashamed to ap- 
 pear in public as usual ; he was incensed against 
 his companions for their infidelity and irresolution, 
 and plunged into a profound reverie that lasted se- 
 veral weeks, during which he shook off his boyish 
 connections, and fixed his view upon objects which 
 ho thought more worthy of his attention. 
 
 In the course of his gymnastic exercises, at which 
 he was very expert, he contracted intimacies with 
 several youths who were greatly his superiors in 
 point o^ age, and who, pleased with his aspiring 
 genius and address, introduced him into parties of 
 gallantry which strongly captivated his inclina- 
 tion. He was by nature particularly adapted for 
 succeeding in adventures of this kind ; over and 
 above a most engaging person, that improved with 
 Lis years, he possessed a dignified assurance, an 
 agreeable ferocity, which enhanced the conquest of 
 the fair who had the good fortune to enslave him, 
 unlimited generosity, and a fund of humour which 
 never failed to please. Nor was he deficient in the 
 more solid accomplishments of youth : he had pro- 
 fited in his studies beyond expectation, and besides 
 that sensibility of discernment which is the found- 
 ation of taste, and in consequence of which, he 
 distinguished and enjoyed the beauties of the clas- 
 sics, he had already given several specimens of a 
 very promising poetic talent. 
 
 With this complexion and these qualifications, 
 no wonder that our hero attracted the notice and 
 affections of the young Delias in town, whose hearts 
 had just begun to flutter for they knew not what. 
 Inquiries w ere made concerning his condition ; and 
 no sooner were his expectations known, than he 
 was invited and caressed by all tlie parents, while 
 their daughters vied with each other in treating 
 him with particular complacency. He inspired
 
 PEREC niNE FICKLE. 1J9 
 
 love and emulation wherever Le appeared ; envj 
 and jealous rage followed of course ; so that he be- 
 came a very desirable^ though a very dangerous, 
 acquaintance. His moderation was not equal to 
 his success : his vanity took the lead of his pas- 
 sions, cjissipating his attention, which might other- 
 wise Iia^e t'u^vd him to one object ; and he was pos- 
 sessed with the rage of increasing the number of 
 his conquests. With this view he frequented pub- 
 lic walks, concerts, and assemblies, became remark- 
 ably rich and fashionable in his clothes, gave en- 
 tertainments to the ladies, and was in the utmost 
 hazard of turning out a most egregious coxcomb. 
 
 While his characier thus wavered between the 
 ridicule of some and the regard of others, an ac- 
 cident happened, which, by contracting his view 
 to one object, detached him from those vain pur- 
 suits that w ould in time have plunged him into an 
 abyss of folly and contempt. Being one evening 
 at the ball which is always given to the ladies at the 
 time of the races, the person who acted as master of 
 tlie ceremonies, knowing how fond Mr. Pickle was 
 of every opportunity to display himself, came up 
 and told hiin that there was a tine young creature 
 at the other end of the room, who seemed to have 
 a great inclination to dance a minuet, but wanted 
 a partner, the gentleman who attended her ^being 
 in boots. 
 
 Peregrine's vanity being aroused at this intima- 
 tion, he went up to recojmoitre the young lady, 
 and was struck with admiration at her beauty. 
 She seemed to be of his own age, was tall, and, 
 though slender, exquisitely shaped ; her hair was 
 auburn, and in such plenty, that the barbarity of 
 dress had not been able to prevent it from shading 
 both sides of her forehead, which was high and 
 polished ; the contour of her face was oval, her 
 nose very little raised in the aquiline form, that
 
 120 THE ADVEXTURES OF 
 
 contribiried to tlic spirit and dignity of hor aspect ; 
 lier mouth was small, her lijis plump, juicy, and 
 delicious, her teeth regular and Avhite as driven 
 snow, her complexion incredibly delicate and glow- 
 ing with health, and her full blue eyes beamed 
 forth vivacity and love. Her mein was at the 
 same time commanding find engaging, her address 
 perfectly genteel, and herwhole appearance so cap- 
 tivating, that our young Adonis looked, and was 
 overcome. 
 
 He no sooner recollected himself from his aston- 
 ishment, than he advanced to her with a graceful 
 air of respect, and begged she would do him the 
 honour to walk a minuet with him. She seemed 
 I)articularly pleased with his application, and very 
 frankly complied M'iih his request. The pair Avas 
 too remarkable to escaj)e the particular notice of 
 the company ; Mr. Pickle was well known by al- 
 most everj'^ body in the room ; but his partner 
 was 'altogether a new face, and of const-quence 
 underwent the criticism of all the ladies in tlie as- 
 sembly; one A\hispered, ' she has a good com- 
 plexion, but don't yon think she is a little awry ?* 
 a second pitied her for her masculine nose ; a third 
 observed, that she was awkward for want of seeing 
 company; a fourth distinguished something very 
 bold in her countenance; and, in short, there Vras 
 not a beauty in her whole composition \\hich the 
 glass of envy ditl not pervert into a blemish. 
 
 The men, however, hxjked upon her with dif- 
 ferent eyes: among them her appearance produced 
 an universal munnur of applause; they encircled 
 the space on which she danced, and were enchunt- 
 oLby her graceful motion. While they launched 
 out in the praise of her, they expresvsed tlirir dis- 
 pleasure at the good fortune of h.'r partner, whom 
 tlic}' damned for a little finical coxcomb, that was 
 too much engrossed by the contemplation of hi
 
 rCREGRI.NC ricKi>K. 121 
 
 o^n person, to Jisce m or deserve tlie favour of lib 
 late. Il<; did nofficar, therefore could not repin 
 at these invectives; l)ut while they imagmcd he 
 iudnliiXMl his vanity, a much more generous passion 
 had taken possession of his heart. 
 
 Instead of that petulance of i^aiety for wJiich he 
 had been distinguished, in his public appearance, 
 he now gave manifi^^ si gps of confusion and con- 
 cern ; he dancccTvvith an anxiety Avhich impeded 
 his performance, and blushed to the eyes at every 
 falsc step he made. Though this extraordinary- 
 agitation was overlooked by the men, it could not 
 escape the observation of the ladies, who perceived 
 it with equal surprise and resentment ; and when 
 Peregrine led this fair unknown to her seat, ex- 
 pressed their pique in an aftected titter, which 
 broke from every mouth at the same instant, as if 
 all of them had been informed by the same spirit. 
 
 Peregrine was nettled at this unmannerly mark 
 of disapprobation, and, in order to increase* tlfeir 
 chagrin, endeavoured to enter into particular con- 
 versation with their fair rival. The young lady 
 Ihjrself, who neither wanted pcrj^tjcatigii, nor the 
 ('onsciousness of her own accomplishments, re- 
 sented their behaviour, though she triumphed at 
 the cause of it ; and gave her partner all the en- 
 couragement he could desire. Her mother, who 
 was present, thanked him for his civility, in taking 
 such iiplice of a stranger, and he received a com- 
 pliment ofllhe same nature from the young gentle- 
 man in lKX)ts, who was her own brother. 
 
 It' he was charmed with her appearance, he was 
 quite ravished with her discourse, which was s^ens- 
 ibie, spirited, and gaj'. Her frank and sprightly 
 demeanour excited his own confidence and good 
 humour ; and he described to her the characters 
 of those females who had honoured them with such 
 a spiteful mark of distinction, in terms so replete 
 
 Vol. ir^ F
 
 122 THE ADVENTURES OP 
 
 with hurnorous satire, fhftt she seemed fo ll5^ten 
 uith particular conij)ljicpyjQj^jQatteilt^ anddis- 
 linguibhed everj*iTj inpli thus ridiculed Avith such 
 a significant ulance, as overwhelmed her with 
 chagrin and rnoitTucation. In short, they seemcil 
 to rdiy^eatJxptlier's conversation, during ^vhicll 
 oilr you);j^ DamiEJIt^cquitted himself with great 
 skill in alrTlTeTTuties of gallantry ; hclaid hold oL. 
 proper opportunities to express his adriiiratlon of 
 her channs, had recourse to the silent rhetoric^f 
 tender looks, breathed divers insicTious sigTis, and 
 "atracTicd liimself wholly to her during the remain- 
 ing part of tlie entertainment. 
 
 When the company broke up, he attended her 
 to li^r lodgings, and took leave of her with a 
 squeeze of the hand, after having obtained permis- 
 sion to visit her next morning, and been informed 
 by the mother that her name was Miss Emilia 
 Gauntlet. 
 
 All liight long he closed not an eye, but amused 
 himself with j)lans of pleasure, which his imagina- 
 tion suggested, in consequence of this new ac- 
 quaintai>cc. Hfejrose M'ith the lark, adjusted his 
 hair into an agreeable negligence of curl, and, 
 dressing liimself in a genteel grey frock, trimmed 
 Avith silver binding, waited with the utmost im- 
 patience for the hour of ten, which no sooner struck 
 than he hied him to the place of appointment, 
 and, inquiring for IVIiss Gauntlet, was shewn into 
 a parlour. Here he had not waited above ten 
 minutes, when Emilia entered in a most enchant- 
 itig undress, Avith all the graces of nature playing 
 about her person, and in a moment ri vetted the 
 chains of his slavery beyond the power of accident 
 to unbind. 
 
 Her motliQr l)eing still a-bed, and her brother 
 gone to give orders about the chaise, in which 
 they projjoa^d to return that same day to their own
 
 rEnEGRlKE PICKLE. 123 
 
 Iiiibitaliun, he enjoyed her company tete a Ide a 
 \^llole hour, during which he declared his love in 
 the most passionate terms, and begged that he 
 might be admitted into the number of those ad- 
 mirers Avhom she permitted to visit and adore 
 her. 
 
 She affected to look upon his vows and protest- 
 ations as the ordinary effects of gallantry, and. 
 very obligingly assured liim, that, ^vere she to live 
 in that place, she should be glad to see him often ; 
 but, as the spot on Avhich she resided was at a 
 considerable distance, she could not expect he 
 would go so far upon such a trifling occasion, as 
 to fake the trouble of providing himself with her 
 mamma's permission. 
 
 To this favourable liint he answered with all the 
 eagerness of the most fervid passion, that he had 
 littered nothing but the genuine dictates of his 
 heart ; that he desired nothing so much as an op- 
 portunity of evin^jg the sincerity of his profes- 
 sions ; and thaTj^M^h she lived at the extremity 
 of the kingdom, he would find means to lay him- 
 self at her feet, provided he could visit her with 
 her mother's consent, which he assured her he 
 would not fail to solicit. 
 
 She tiicn gave him to understand, that her ha- 
 bitation was about sixteen miles from Winchester, 
 in a village which she named, and where (as he 
 could easily collect from her discourse) he would 
 be no unwelcome guest. 
 
 In the midst of this communication they were 
 joined by Mrs. Gauntlet, who received him with 
 great courtesy, thanking him again for his po- 
 liteness to Emy at the ball, and anticipated his 
 intentions, by saying that she should be very glad 
 to see him at her house, if ever his occasions should 
 call him that wav. 
 
 V2
 
 J24 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 He inquires into the situation of this young lady, with 
 whom he is enamoured. . . . Elopes from school. . . . 
 Is found by the lieutenant, conveyed to Winchester, 
 and sends a letter with a copy of verses to his mistress. 
 
 JtIe was transported with pleasure at this invita- 
 tion, w liich he assured her he should not neglect ; 
 and, after a little more conversation on general 
 topics, took his leave of the charming Emilia, 
 and her prudent mamma, who had perceived the 
 iirst emotions of JMr. Pickle's passion for her 
 daughter, and been at some pains to inquire about 
 his family and fortune. 
 
 Neither was Peregrine less inquisitive about the 
 situation and pedigree of his new mistress, who, 
 Ite learned, was the only daughter of a field officer, 
 who died before he had it in his power to make" 
 suitable provision for his children ; that the widow 
 lived in a frugid, though decent manner, on her 
 pension, assisted by the bounty of her relations; 
 that the sou carried arms as a volunteer in tha. 
 company which his father had commanded ; and 
 that Emilia had been educated in London at the 
 expence of a rich uncle, who was seiztxl Avith tlie 
 w him of marrying at tlie age of fifty-five ; in con- 
 sequence of which, his niece had returned to her 
 mother, without any visible dependence^ except 
 on her own conduct and qualifications. 
 
 This account, thougli it could not diminisli his 
 affection, nevertheless alarmed his pride ; for his 
 warm imagination had exaggerated all his own 
 prospects ; and he began to fear that his passion 
 tor Emilia might be thought to derogate from the 
 dignity of his situation : the struggle between his
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 125 
 
 interest and love produced a perplexity Avliich bad 
 an evident eft'ect upon his behaviour, lie became 
 ]>ensive, soTifafy, and peevish, avoided all public 
 diversions, and ii^rew so remarkably negligent in 
 his dress, that he Avas scarce distinguishable >-by 
 his own acquaintance. This contention of thoughts 
 continued several weeks, at the end of which the 
 charms of Emilia triumphed over every other con- 
 sideration. Having received a supply of money 
 froin the commodore, who acted towards him with 
 great generosity, he ordered Pipes to put up some 
 linen, and other necessaries, in a sort of knapsack, 
 which he could conveniently carry, and, thus at- 
 tended, set out early one morning on foot for tho 
 village where his charmer livetl, at ^vhicli he ar- 
 rived bclbre two o'clo<:k in the afternoon ; haviiiij 
 chosen this method of travelling, that his route 
 might not be so easily discovered, as it must have 
 been, had he hired horses, or taken a place in the 
 stage coach. 
 
 The iirst thing he did was to secure a convenient 
 lodging at the inn where he dined ; then he shift- 
 ed himself, and, according to the direction he had 
 received, went to the house of Mrs. Gauntlet in a 
 transport of joyous expectation. As he approach- 
 ed the gate, his agitation increased, he knocked 
 with impatience and concern, the door opened, 
 and he had actually asked if Mrs. Gauntlet was at 
 home, before he perceived that the portress was 
 no other than his dear Emilia. She was not with- 
 out emotioii at the unexpected sight of her lover, 
 "who instantly recognizin"- his charmer, obeyed 
 the irresistible impulse of his love, and caught the 
 fair creature in his arms. Nor did she seem of- 
 tended at this forwardness of behaviour, which 
 might have displeased another of a less open dis- 
 position, or less used to the freedom of a sensible 
 eilucation; but her natural frankness had beeiit
 
 126 THE ADVENTUKES OP 
 
 encouraged and improved by tliecasj and familiar 
 intercourse in which she had been bred ; and there- 
 fore, instead of reprimanding him with a severity 
 of look, she with great good humour rallied him 
 upon his assurance, which she observed, was un- 
 doubtedly the effect of his own conscious merit, 
 and conducted him into a parlour, where he found 
 her mother, who in very polite terms expressed 
 her satisfaction at seemg him within her house. 
 
 After tea, Miss Emy proposed an evening walk, 
 which they enjoyed through a variety of little 
 copses and lawns, watered by a most romantic 
 stream, that quite enchanted the imagination of 
 Peregrine. 
 
 It was late before they returned from this agree- 
 able excursion ; and when our lover wished the 
 ladies good night, JVIrs. Gauntlet insisted upon his 
 staying to supper, and treated him with particular 
 demonstrations of regard and affection. Aa her 
 economy was not encumbered with an unnecessary 
 number of domestics, her own presence was often 
 required in different parts of the house ; so that the 
 young gentleman was supplied w ith frequent op- 
 portunities of promoting his suit, by all the tender 
 oaths and insinuations that his passion could sug- 
 gest. He protested her idea had taken such entire 
 .possession of his heart, that, finding himself lui- 
 able to support her absence one day longer, he had 
 quitted his studies, and lell his governor by stealth, 
 that he might visit the object of Iiis adoration, and 
 be blessed in her company for a few days without 
 interruption. 
 
 She listened to his addresses with such affcibilify 
 as denojtpd approbation and delight, and gently 
 chid him as a thoughtless truant, but carefully 
 avoided the confession of a mutual flame ; because 
 she disceiyicsj, in the midst of all his tenderness, a 
 levity oF pride T\high she durst not venture to
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE, 127 ' 
 
 trust Milli such a (lecla ration. Pcrlmps she was 
 confirnicd in this cauliou by her niolher, who very 
 wisely, in her civiUties to him, maintained a sort 
 of ceremojiious distance, which she thout^ht not 
 only requisite for the honour and uitercst of her 
 family, but likewise for her own exculpation, 
 .should fehe ever be taxed with liavin<^ encourage.l 
 or abetted him in the imprudent sallies of his youth : 
 yet, notwithstandiiu^ this affected reserve, he was 
 ^ifeated with such distinction by both, that he was 
 ^ravished Avith his situation, and became more and 
 litofe enamoured every da}'. 
 
 While lie remained under the influence of tliis 
 sweet intoxication, his absence produced great dis- 
 turbajicc at Winchester. JMr. Jolter was grievous- 
 ly afflicted at his abrupt departure, which alarrn- 
 ru him the more, as it happened after a long fit 
 of melancholy which he had perceived hi his pu- 
 pil, lie communicated his apprehensions to the 
 master of the school, who advised him to apprise 
 the commodore of his nephew's disappearance, 
 and in the meantime inquire at all the inns in 
 town, whether he had hired horses, or any sort of 
 carriage, for his conveyance, or was met with oii 
 tlie road by any person who could give an account 
 of the direction in which he travelled. 
 
 This scrutiny, though performed with great di- 
 ligence and minuteneis, was altogether ineifectual.; 
 they could obtain no intelligence of the runaway. 
 jVIr. Trunnion was well nigh distracted at the news 
 of his flight ; he raved with great fury at the im- 
 prudence of Peregrine, Avhom, in his first tran- 
 sports, he damned as an ungratefiil deserter ; then 
 he cursed Hatchway and Pipes, who he swore had 
 (^ foundered the lad by their pernicious counsels; 
 ^ and, lastly, traasfcrred his execrations upon Jol- 
 t(;r, because he had not kept a better look-out : 
 imallv, he made an apostrophe to that son of a
 
 128 Tim ADVENTURES OF 
 
 bitch (he gout, Avhich for the present disabled him 
 from searching for his nephew in person. That he 
 mii^lit not, liowever, neglect any means in Iiis 
 po>vcr, lie immediately dispatched expresses (o all 
 the sea-port towns on that coast, that hq might be 
 prevented from leaving the kingdom ; and the lieu- 
 tenant, at his own desire, was sent across the coun- 
 try, in quest of this young fugitive. 
 
 Four days had he unsuccessfully carried on his 
 inquiries Avith great accuracy, when, resolving to 
 return by V/iucliester, where he Ijojjed to meet 
 with some hints of intelligence, by which he might 
 profit in his future search, he struck olF the com- 
 mon road to tak^Uie benefit of a nearer cut, and 
 finding himsclf^nightcd iK^ar a village, took up 
 his lodgings at the "first inn to which his horse di- 
 rected him. Htiving bespoke somethmg for sup- 
 per, and retired to his chamber, A\heie he amused 
 himself with a pipe, he heard a confused noise of 
 rustic jollity, which being all of a sudden inter- 
 rupted, after a short pause his ear was saluted with 
 the voice of Pipes, avIio, at the solicitation of the 
 company, began to entertain them with a song. 
 
 Hatchway instantly recognized the well known 
 sound, in which indeed he could not possibly be 
 mistaken, as nothing in nature bore the least re- 
 semblance to it ; he threw his pipe into the chim- 
 ney, and, snatching up one of his pistols, ran 
 immediately to the apartment from whence the 
 voice issued ; he no sooner enteretl, than distin- 
 guishing his old ship-mate in a crowd of country 
 peasants, he in a moment sprung upon him, and 
 clapping his pl-tol to his breast, exclaimed, ' damn 
 3'ou, Pipes, you are a dead mjjn, if you don't 
 immediately produce young master.' 
 
 This menacing application had a much greater 
 eficct upon the company than upon Tom, who 
 Jooking at the lieutenant with great tranquillity,
 
 PEHEGRINE PICKLE. 129 
 
 rej3lietl, ' why, so I can, Mr. Hatchway.' ' What ! 
 sate and sound ?' cried the other. ' .is a roach,* 
 answered Pipes, so much to the satisfaction of his 
 friend Jack, that he shook him by the hand, and 
 desired him to proceed with his song. This be- 
 ing ixjrformed, and the reckoning discharged, tlie 
 two friends adjourned to the other room, where the 
 lieutenant was informed of the manner in which 
 tlie young gentleman had made his elopement 
 from college, as well as of the other particulars of 
 his present situation, as far as they had fallen with- 
 in the sphere of the relater's comprehension. 
 
 While they sat thus conferring together. Pere- 
 grine having taken leave of his mistress lor the 
 night, came home, and was not a little surprised 
 when Hatchway, entering Jiis chamber in his sea 
 attitude, -thrust out his hand by way of salutation. 
 His old pupil reccivetl him, as usual, Avith great 
 cordiality, and expressed his astonishment at meet- 
 ing him in that place; but when he understood! 
 the cause and intention of his arrival, he started 
 with concern, and, his visage glowing with indig- 
 nation, told him he was old enough to be judge of 
 /his own conduct, and, when he should sec it con- 
 venient, would return of himself; but those who 
 thought he was to be compelled to his duty would 
 find themselves egregiously mistaken. 
 
 The lieutenant assured him, that, for his T)wa 
 part, he had no intention to offer him the least vio- 
 lence ; but at the same time he represented to him the 
 danger of incensing the commodore, who was al- 
 ready almost distracted on account of his absence ; 
 and, in short, conveyed his arguments, which 
 were equally obvious and valid, in such expres- 
 sions of friendship and respect, that Peregrine 
 yielded to his remonstrances, and promised to ac- 
 company him next day to Winchester. 
 . Hatchway, overjoyed at the success of his ne- - 
 3 1' 5
 
 ISO THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 gociation, went immediately to the hostler, and 
 bespoke a post-ehaise for Mr. Pickle and his man, 
 with whom he afterwards indulged himself in a 
 double can of runibo, and, when the night was 
 jjretty far advanced, left the lover to his reposfe, 
 or rather to the thonis of his own meditation ; for 
 lie slept not one moment, being incessantly tor- 
 tured with the prospect of partmg from his divine 
 Emilia, who had now acquired the most absolute 
 empire over his soul. One minute he proposed 
 " fo depart early in the morning, without seeing 
 this enchantress, in whose bewitching presence he 
 durst not trust his own resolution. Then the 
 thoughts of leaving her in such an abrupt and 
 disrespectful manner interposed in favour of his 
 Jove and honour. This war of sentiments kept 
 him all night upon the rack, and it was time to 
 rise before he had determined to visit his charmer, 
 and candidly impart the motives that induced 
 him to leave her. 
 
 He accordhigly repaired to her mother's house 
 with a heavy heart, being attended to the gate by 
 Hatchway, who did not choose to leave him alone ; 
 and, being admitted, found Emilia just risen, and, 
 in his opinion, more beautiful than ever. 
 
 Alarmed at hb early visit, and the gloom that 
 overspread his countenance, she stood in silent ex- 
 pectation of hearing some melancholy tidings ; 
 and it was not till after a considerable pause that 
 he collected resolution enough to tell her he was 
 come to take his leave. Though she strove to 
 conceal her sorrow, nature was not to be suppress- 
 ed; every feature of her countenance, saddened in 
 a moment J ah^it was not Avithout the utmost dif- 
 ficulty that she kept hor lovely eyes from over- 
 flowing. He saw ihe situation of her thoughts, 
 and, in order to alleviate her concern, assured her 
 he should find means to tec her again in a very
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 131 
 
 few "svceks ; meanwhile be communicated his rea- 
 sons for departing-, in which she readily acqui- 
 esced ; and having mutually consoled each other, 
 their transports of grief subsided, and before JNIrs. 
 Gauntlet came down stairs, they Avere in a condi- 
 tion to behave with great decency and resignation. 
 
 This good lady expressed her concern wlien she 
 learned his resolution, saying, she hoped his oc- 
 cUsions and inclination would permit him to fa- 
 vour them with his agreeable company another 
 time. 
 
 The lieutenant, who began to be uneasy at Pe- 
 regrine's stay, knocked at the door, and being in- 
 troductxl by his friend, had the honour of break- 
 fasting with the ladies; on which occasion his 
 lieart received such a rude shock from the charms 
 of Emilia, that he afterwards made a merit with 
 his friend of having constrained himself so far as 
 to forbear commencing his professed rival. 
 
 At length they bade adieu to their kind enter- 
 tainers, and in less than an hour setting out from 
 the inn, arrived about two o'clock in Winchester, 
 where Mr. Jolter was overwhehned with joy at 
 their appearance. 
 
 The nature of this adventure being unknown 
 to all except those who could be depended upon, 
 every body who inquired about the cause of Pe- 
 regrine's absence, was told that he had been with 
 a relation in the country, and the master condes- 
 cended to overlook his indiscretion ; so that Hatch- 
 Avay, seeing every thing settled to the satisfaction 
 of his friend, returned to the garrison, and gave 
 the commodore an account of his expedition. 
 
 The old gcntlemui was very much startled 
 when he heard there was a lady in the case, and 
 Tcry emphatically observed, that a man had bet- 
 ter be sucked into the gulf of Florida, than once 
 ^et into the indraught of a woman; because, in-
 
 132 THE ADVENTURES OP 
 
 one case he may with good pilotage bring out his 
 vessel safe between the Bahamas and the Indian 
 shore ; but in the other there is no outlet at all, 
 and it is in vain to strive against the current ; so 
 that of course lie must l^e embajed, and run chuck 
 upon a lee-shore. He^rcisolved therefore to lay 
 the state of the case before Mr. Gamaliel Pickle, 
 and concert such measures vnth him as should be 
 thought likeliest to detach his son from the pur- 
 suit of an idle amour, which could not Jail of in- 
 terfering in a dangerous manner with the plan of 
 his education. 
 
 In the meantime, Perry's ideas were totally en- 
 grossed by his amiable mistress, who, whether he 
 slept or waked, was still present in his imagination, 
 w liich produced the following stanzas in her praise. 
 
 I. 
 
 AdicD, ye streams that smoothly flow. 
 Ye vernal airs that softly blow. 
 Ye plains by blooming spring array'd. 
 Ye birds that warble through the shade. 
 
 II. 
 
 Unliurt from you my soul could fly, 
 Kor drop one tear, nor heave one sigh ; 
 But forc'd from Cclia's charms to part. 
 All joy deserts my drooping heart. 
 
 III. 
 O ! fairer than the rosy morn. 
 When flowers the dewy fields adorn ; 
 Unsullied as the genial ray. 
 That warms the balmy breeze of May. .tt., 
 
 IV. 
 
 Thy charm* divinely bright appear. 
 And add new splendour to the year ; 
 Improve the day with fresh delight. 
 And gild with joy the dreary night ! 
 
 This juvenile production was inclosed in a very 
 tender billet to Emilia, and committed to the 
 charge of Pipes, av ho was ordered to set out tor 
 Mrs. Gauntltt's habitation with a present of veni-
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 135 
 
 son, nnd a compliment to the ladies; and directed 
 to take some opportunity of delivering the letter to 
 miss, without the knowledge of her mamma. 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 His messenger meets with a misfortune, to ivhich he ap- 
 plies a very extraordinary expedient, that is attended 
 with strange consequences. 
 
 As a stage-coach passed within two miles of the 
 village where she lived, Tom bargained with the 
 driver for a seat on the box, and accordingly de- 
 parted on this message, though he was indiilcrent- 
 ly qualified for commissions of such a nature. 
 Having received particular injunctions about the 
 letter, he resolved to make that the chief object 
 of his care, and very sagaciously conveyed it be- 
 tween his stocking and"nie~soIe of his foot, where 
 he thought it would be perfectly secure from till 
 injury and accident. Here it remained until he ar- 
 rived at the inn where he had formerly lodg- 
 ed, when, after having refreshed himself with ii 
 draught of beer, he pulled off his stocking, and 
 found the poor billet sullied with dust, and torn 
 in a thousand tatters by the motion of his foot in 
 walking the last two miles of his journey. Thun- 
 derstruck at this phenomenon, he uttered a long 
 and loud whew! which Avas succeeded by an ex- 
 clamation of * damn my old shoes ! a bite by God !' 
 then he rested his elbows on the table, and his fore- 
 head upon his two fists, and in that attitude de- 
 liberated with himself upon the means of remedy- 
 ing this misfortune. 
 
 As he was not distracted by a vast number of 
 ideas, he soon concluded, that his best expedient 
 TTOuld be to employ the clerk of the parish, who
 
 134: THE ADVEKTtJfiES OF 
 
 he knew Mas a great scholar, to write another 
 epistle according to the directions he should give 
 him ; and never dreaming that the mangled ori- 
 ginal would in the least facilitate the scheme, he 
 very wisely committed it to the ilames, that it 
 might never rise up in judgment against him. 
 
 Having taken this wise step, he went in quest 
 of the scribe, to whom he communicated his bu- 
 siness, and promised a full pot by way of gratifi- 
 cation. The clerk, who was also schoolmaster, 
 proud of an opportunity to distinguish his talents, 
 readily undertook the task ; and repairing with 
 liis employer to the inn, in less than a quarter of 
 an hour produced a morsel of eloquence so much 
 to the satisfaction of Pipes, that he squeezed his 
 hand by way of acknowledgnient, and doubled 
 his allowance of beer. This being discussed, our 
 courier belook himself to thehouseof Mrs. Gauiit-'-^ 
 let, with the haunch of venison and this succeda-^ 
 iieous letter, and delivered his message to thc~ino- 
 ther, who Teceived it with great respect, and 
 many kind inquiries about the health and welfare of 
 Ills master, attempting to tip the messenger a 
 crown, which he absolutely refused to accept, in 
 consequence of Mr. Pickle's repeated caution. 
 While the old gentlewoman turned to a servant, 
 in order to give directions about the disposal of 
 the present. Pipes looked upon this as a favour- 
 able occasion to transact his business with Emilia, 
 and therefore shuttmg one eye, with a jirk of hh 
 thumb towards his left shoulder, and a most sig- 
 nificant twist of his countenance, he beckoiiwl 
 tHe young lady into another room, as if he had 
 been fraught w ith something of consequence, 
 which he wanted to impart. She understood the 
 hint, howsoever strangely communicated, and, by 
 stepping to one side of the room, gave him an op- 
 portunity of slipping the epistle into her hand.
 
 PEREGIilNE riCKLE. 135 
 
 ^vhich lie gently squeezed at tlie same time in 
 tiikiJiJ of regard ; then throwing a side glance at 
 the mother, whose back was turned, cla})ped his 
 linger on the side of his nose, thereby recommend- 
 ing secrecy and discretion. 
 
 Emilia conveying the letter into her bosom, 
 could not help smiling at Tom's politeness and 
 dexterity ; but lest her mamma should detect him 
 in the execution of his pantomime, she broke oft' 
 this i nterc ourse of signs, by asking aloud when 
 lie proposedt<7'scr*omon his return to Winches- 
 ter? When he ansAvered, ' to-morrow morning,' 
 Mrs. Gauntlet recommended him to the hospi- 
 tality of her own footman, desiring him to 
 make much of INIr. Wpes below, where he was 
 kept to supper, and very cordially entertained. 
 Our young heroine impatient to read her lover's 
 billet, which made her heart throb with raptur- 
 ous expectation, retired to her chamber as soon as 
 possible, with a view of perusing the contents, 
 "which were these : 
 
 ' DIVINE EMPRESS OF MY SOUl! 
 
 ' If die refulgent flames of your beauty had not eva- 
 porated the particles of my transported brain, and 
 scorched my intellects into a cinder of stolidity, perhaps 
 the resplendency of my passion might shine illustrious 
 through the sable curtain of my ink, and in sublimity 
 transcend tlie galaxy itself, though wafted on the pi- 
 nions of a grey goose quill ! But ah ! celestial inchant- 
 ress ! the necromancy of tliy tyrannical charms hath 
 fettered my faculties with adamantine chains, which 
 unless thy compassion shall melt, I mvist eternally re- 
 main in the Tartarean gulf of dismal despair. Vouch- 
 safe, therefore, O thou brightest luminary of tliis ter- 
 restrial sphere! to warm as well as shine; and let the 
 genial rays of thy benevolence melt the icy emanations 
 of thy disdain, which hath frozen up tlie spirits of an- 
 gelic pre-eminence! thy most egregious admirer and 
 . buperlative slave. peregrine pickle.' 
 
 3
 
 136 THE ADVENTUHES OF 
 
 Never was astonishment more perplexing thaft 
 that of Emilia, when she read this curious cora"- 
 position, which she repeated verbatim three times, 
 before she would credit the evidence of her own 
 senses. She began to fear in good earnest that love 
 had produced a disorder in her lover's understand- 
 ing ; but after a thousand conjectures, by which 
 she attempted to account foi* tliis^extraordinary 
 fustian of style, she concluded that it was the effect 
 of mere levity, calculated to ridicule the passion 
 he had formerly professed. Irritated by this sup- 
 position, she resolved to baulk his triumph with 
 alfected indifference, and in the meantime endea- 
 vour to expel him from that place which he pos- 
 sessed within her heart : and, indeed, such a vic- 
 tory over her inclinations might have been ob- 
 tained without great difficulty ; for she enjoyed an 
 easiness of temper that could accommodate itself 
 to the emergencies of her fate ; and her vivacity, 
 by amusing her imagination, preserved her from 
 the keener sensations of sorrow. Thus determined 
 and disposed, she did not send any sort of answer, 
 or the least token of remembrance by Pipes, who 
 was suffered to depart with a general compliment 
 from the mother, and arrived at Winchester the 
 next day. 
 
 Peregrine's eyes sparkled when he saw his mes- 
 senger come in, and he stretched out his hand in 
 full confidence of receiving some particular mark 
 of his Emilia's affection ; but how was he confound- 
 ed, when he found his hope so cruelly disappoint- 
 ed ! In an instant his countenance fell. He stood 
 for some time silent and abashed, then thrice re- 
 peated the interrogation of ' what ! not one word 
 from Emilia ?' and dubious of his courier's discre- 
 ^tion, inquired minutely into all the particulars of 
 his reception. He asked, if he had seen the young 
 lady ; ii" she was in good health ; if he had found
 
 peiieghine pickle. 137 
 
 an opportunity of dcliveiin<j; his letter, and how 
 she looked, when he put it into her hand ? Pipes 
 jins>y(Med, that he had never se'n her in better 
 Iiealth or higher spirits ; that he had managed 
 matters so as not only to present the billet unper- 
 ceived, but also to ask her commands in private 
 before he took his leave, Avhen she told him that 
 the letter retptired no reply; This last circum- 
 stance he considered as a manifest nui yj ^ of disre- 
 spect, and gnawed his lips with resentment. Up- 
 on further reilection, however, he supposed that 
 she could not conveniently write by the messenger, 
 and would undoubtedly favour him by the i)ost. 
 This consideration consoled him for the present, 
 and he waited impaticjitly for the fruits of his hope; 
 but ailer he had seen eight days elapsed without 
 reaping the satisfaction with which he had flatter- 
 ed himself, his temper forsook him, he raved against 
 the whole sex, and was seized with a fit of sullen 
 chagrin ; but his pride in a little time came to his 
 assistance, and rescued him from the horrors of 
 the melancholy fiend. He resolved to retort her 
 own neglect upon his ungrateful mistress ; his 
 countenance gradually resumed its former serenity ; 
 and though by this time he was pretty well cured 
 of his foppery, he appeared again at public di- 
 versions with an air of gaiety and unconcern, that 
 Emilia might have a chance of hearing how much, 
 in all likelihood, he disregarded her disdain. 
 
 There are never wanting certain ofticious persons, 
 who take pleasure in promoting intelligence of this 
 sort His behaviour soon reached the ears of Miss 
 Gauntlet, and confirmed her in the opinion she 
 had conceived from his letter; so that she forti- 
 fied herself in her former sentiments, and bore his 
 inditlerence with great philosophy. Thus a cor- 
 respondence which had commenced with all the 
 tenderness and sincerity of love, and every pro-
 
 158 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 raise of duration, was interrupted in its infancy by 
 a misunderstanding occasioned by the simplicity 
 of Pipes, who never once reflected upon the conse- 
 quences of his deceit. 
 
 Though their mutual passion was by these 
 means suppressed for the present, it was not aUo- 
 gcther extinguished, but glowed in secret, though 
 even to themselves unknown, until an occasion, 
 which afterwards offered, blew up the latent flame, 
 and love resumed his empire in their breasts. 
 
 \\ hile they moved, as it were, w ithout the sphere 
 of each other's attraction, the commodore fearing 
 that Perry was in danger of involving himself in 
 some pernicious engagement, resolved, by advice 
 of Mr. Jolter and his friend the parish priest, to 
 recal him from the place where he had contracted 
 such imprudent connections, and send him to th* 
 university, where his education might be complet- 
 ed, and his fancy weaned from all puerile amuse- 
 ments. 
 
 This plan had been proposed to his own father, 
 who, as hath been already observed, stood always 
 neuter in every thing that concerned his eldest son ; 
 and as for Mrs. Pickle, she had never heard his 
 name mentioned since his departure with any de- 
 gree of temper or tranquillity, except when her 
 husband informed her that he was in a fair way 
 of being ruined by this indiscreet amour. It was 
 then she began to applaud her own foresi^t, 
 which had djacc med t hcjnark of reprobation in 
 that vitious boy, and launched out in comparison 
 between him and Gammy, who, she observed,, 
 was a child of uncommon parts and solidity, and, 
 with the blessing of God, would be a comfort to 
 Lis parents, and an ornament to the family. 
 
 Should I affirm that this favourite, whom she 
 commended so much, was in every respect the re- 
 verse of what she dcscriljcd ] that he was a boy of
 
 PESEGIIIXE PICKLE. 139 
 
 mean capacity, and, though remarkably dihiortcd 
 ill liis boily, much more crooked in his disposition; 
 and that she had persuaded her husband to es- 
 jxmse her opinion, though it was contrary to com- 
 mon sense, as well as to his own perception ; I am 
 afraid the reader will think I represent a monster 
 that never existed in nature, and be apt to con- 
 demn the economy of my invention; nevertheless, 
 there is nothing more true than every circumstance 
 of Avhat I have advanced ; and 1 wish the picture, 
 singular as it is, may not be thought to resemble 
 more than one original. 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 Peregrine is summoned to attend his uncle. . , .is mors 
 and more hated by his own mother. . . . appeals to his 
 father, whose condescension is defeated by the dornini- 
 on of his tfife. 
 
 15 UT, waving these reflections, let us return to Pe 
 regrine, who received a summons to attend his 
 uncle, and in a few days arrived with Mr. Jolter 
 and Pipes at the garrison, which he filled with joy 
 and satisfaction. The alteration which, during 
 his absence, had hapj)ened in his person, was very 
 favourable in his appearance, which, from that of 
 a comely boy, Avas converted into that of a most 
 engaging jouth. lie \\as already taller than a 
 middle sized man, his shape ascertained, his si- 
 news well knit, his mein greatly improved, and 
 his Mhole figure as elegant and graceful as if it 
 liatl been cast in the same mould with the Apollo 
 of Belvidere. 
 
 Such an outside could not fail of prepossessing 
 peeple in his fiivour. The commodore, cotwith-
 
 ( 
 140 THE ADVENTUBE8 OF 
 
 standing the advantageous reports be had heard, 
 found his expectation exceeded in the person ot' 
 Peregrine, and signified his approbation in the 
 most sanguhie terms. Mrs. Trunnion was struck 
 Avith his genteel address, and received hira with 
 uncommon m^i; !^ of complacency and affection ; 
 lie was caressed by all the people in the neighbour- 
 hood, who, while they admired his accomplish- 
 ments, could not help pitying his infatuated mo- 
 tlier, for being deprived of that unutterable de- 
 light which any other parent would have enjoyed 
 in the contemplation of such an amiable son. 
 
 Divers efforts were made by some well-disposed 
 people to conquer, if possible, this monstrous pre- 
 judice ; but their endeavours, instead of curing, 
 served only to inflame the distemper, and she never 
 could be prevailed upon to indulge him with the 
 least mark of maternal regard. On the contrary, 
 her original disgust degenerated into such invete- 
 racy of hatred, that she left no stone unturned to 
 alienate the commodore's affection for this her in- 
 nocent child, and even practised the most mali- 
 cious defamation to accomplish her purpose. Every 
 day did she abuse her husband's ear with some 
 forged instance of Peregrine's ingratitude to his 
 uncle, well knowing that it would reach the com- 
 modore's knowledge at night. 
 
 Accordingly Mr. Pickle used to tell him at the 
 club, that his hopeful favourite had ridiculed him 
 in such a company, and aspersed his spouse upon 
 another occasion ; and thus~rctair the little scan- 
 dalous issue of his own wife's invention. Luckily 
 for Peregrine, the commodore paid no great regard 
 to the authority of his informer, because he kiiew 
 from what chaimel his intelligence flowed ; besides, 
 the youth had a staunch friend in Mr. Hatchway, 
 wiio never failed to vindicate him when he was 
 thus unjustly accused, and always found argument
 
 PEREGIIINE PICKLE. HI 
 
 enough to confute the assertions of his enemies. 
 iJut, though Trunnion had been dubious of the 
 young gentleman's principles, and deafto the re- 
 monstrances of the lieutenant, Perry Avas ])rovided 
 with a bulwark strong cnougli to defend liim from 
 all such assaults. This was no other than liis aunt, 
 whose regard for him was perceived to increase in 
 the same proportion as his own mother's diminish- 
 ed : and indeed the augmentation of the one was, 
 in all probability, owing to the decrease of the 
 other ; for the tAVO ladies, with great civility, per- 
 formed all the duties of good neighbourhood, and 
 iiatcd each other most piously in tlieir hearts. 
 
 INIrs. Pickle having beejj disobliged at the splen- 
 dour of her sister's new equipage, had, ever since 
 that time, in the course of her visiting, endeavour- 
 'd to make }:>eople merry with satirical jokes on 
 the ]X)or lady's infirmities; and Mrs. Trunnion 
 seized the very first opportunity of making reprisals, 
 by inveighing against her nniuitural behaviour to 
 ker own child; so that Peregrine, as on the one. 
 Iiand he was abhorred, so on the other was he ca- 
 ressed, in consequence of this conlention ; and I 
 firmly believe that the most efiectual method of de- 
 stroying liis interest at the garrison, Avould have 
 been the shew of countenancing him at his father's 
 liousc 1 but, whether this conjecture be reasonable 
 3r chimerical, certain it is the experiment was never 
 fried, and therefore Mr. Peregrine ran no risk of 
 being disgraced. The commodore, who assumed, 
 :ind justly too, the whole merit of his education, 
 was now as proud of the youth's improvements as. 
 if he had actually been his own oirs])ring; and 
 sometimes his afl'ection rose to such a pitch of en- 
 :liusiasm, that he verily believed him to be the 
 issue of his OAvn loins. Notwithstanding this fa- 
 vourable predicament in a\ Inch our hero stood Avith 
 liis aunt and Iict husband, he could not help fceU
 
 142 THE ADVEXTURESr OP 
 
 ing the injury he suffered from tlie caprire of his 
 mother Tand (hough the gaiety of his disposition 
 liindered him from afllicting himself with reflec- 
 tions of any gloomy cast, he did not fail to fiaE^gc 
 that, if any sudden accident should deprive him 
 of the commodore, he would in all l ik girhood find 
 himself in a very disagreeable situation . Prompted 
 bj^ this consideration, he one evening accompanied 
 his uncle to the club, and was introduced to his 
 father, before that worthy gentleman had the least 
 inkling of his arrival. 
 
 Mr. Gamaliel was never so disconcerted as nt 
 ihis rencounter. His own disposition would not 
 suffer liim to do any thing that miglit create the 
 least disturbance, or interrupt his evening's en- 
 joyment ; so strongly v, as he impressed with the 
 terror of his wife, that he durst not yield to the 
 tranquillity of his temper; and, as I have already 
 observed, his inclination was perfectly neutral. 
 Thus distracted bet^^Tcn different motives, when 
 Perry was presented to him, he sat silent and ab- 
 sorbed, as if he did not, or would not, pnceive 
 the application ; and when he was urged to declare 
 himself by the youth, who pathetically begged to 
 know how he had incurred his disp!easure, he 
 answered, in a peevish strain, ' "why, good now, 
 child, what would you have me to do? your mo- 
 ther can't abide you.' ' If my mother is so unkind, 
 1 will not call it unnatural,' (said Peregrine, the 
 tears of indignation starting from his eyes,) 'as to 
 banish me from her presence and affection, without 
 the least cause assigned, I hope you will not be so 
 unjust as to espouse her barbarous prejudice.' Be- 
 fore Mr. Pickle had time to reply to this expostu- 
 lation, for which he was not at all prepared, the 
 commodore interposed, and enforced his favourite's 
 remonstrance, by telling Mr. Gamaliel, that he 
 was ashamed to sec any man drive in such a miser- 
 
 m
 
 rEREGRINE PICKLE. 14-3 
 
 able manner nndcr lils wife's petticoat. ' As for 
 my own part,' (said he, raising his voice, and as- 
 snming a look of importance and command,) ' be- 
 fore I would snf?cr myself to be steered all weathers 
 by any woman in Christendom, d'ye see, I'd raise 
 snch a hurricane about her ears, thai' here he 
 was interrupted by Mr. Hatchway, w ho, thrusting 
 his head towards the door, in the attitude of one 
 that listens, cried, * ahcy ! there's your spouse 
 come to pay us a visit.' Trunnion's features that 
 instant adopted a new disposition: fear and con- 
 fusion took possess ion of his countenance; hisvoice, 
 from a tone of vociferation, sunOiifb a whisper of 
 ' sure you must be mistaken. Jack ;' and in great 
 perplexity he wiped off the sweat which had start- 
 ed on his forehead at this false alarm. The lieu- 
 tenant having thus punished him for the rodomon- 
 tade he had uttered, told hiir, with an arch sneer, 
 that he was deceived with tdc sound of the out- 
 ward door creaking upon its hinges, which he mis- 
 took for iMrs. Trunnion's voice, and desired him to 
 proceed Avith his admonitions to Mr. Pickle. It is 
 not to be denied that this arrogance was a littlenn- 
 seasonablc in the commodore, wlio was in all re- 
 spects as eflectually subdued to the dominion of 
 liis wife as tlie person whose submission he then 
 ventured to condemn, with this difference of dis- 
 position Trunnion's subjection was like that of a. 
 bear, chequered with tits of surliness and rage ; 
 w hcreas Pickle bore the yoke lilce an ox, without 
 repining. No wonder then that this indolence, 
 this sluggishness, tills stagnation of temper, ren- 
 dered Gamaliel hicapable of withstanding the ar- 
 guments and importunity of his friends, to which 
 he at length surrendered, lie acquiesced in the 
 justice of their oljservations, and, taking his son 
 by the luuid, promised to favour him for the fu- 
 ture with his love and fatherly protection-.
 
 iil: THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 But lliis laudable resolution did not last: Mrs. 
 Pickle, still dubious of his constancy, and jealous 
 of his communication with the commodore, never 
 failed to interro2:ate him every night about the con- 
 versation that happened at tlie club, and regulate 
 her exhortations according to the intelligence she 
 received. He was no sooner, therefore, sately con- 
 veyed to bed (that academy in which all notable 
 wives coijimunicate their lectures), than her cate- 
 chism began ; and she in a moment perceived 
 something reluctant and equivocal in her husband's 
 answers. Aroused at this discovery, she employed 
 her influence and skill with such success, that he 
 disclosed every- circumstance of what had happen- 
 ed ; and, after having sustained a most severe re- 
 buke for his simplicity and indiscretion, humbled 
 himself so far as to promise that he would next day 
 annul the condescensions he had made, and for 
 ever renounce the ungracious object of her disgust. 
 This undertaking was punctualh' performed in a 
 letter to the commodore, which she herself dictated, 
 in these words. 
 
 'Sir, whereas my good-nature being last night im- 
 posed upon, I was persuaded to counienance and pro- 
 mise, I know not what, to that vitious youth, whose 
 parent I have the misfortune to be ; I desire you will 
 take notice, that I revoke all such countenance and pro- 
 .mises, and shall never look upon that man as my friend 
 who will henceforth in such a cause solicit, 
 
 ' Sir, yours, &c. gam. pickle.'
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. M^ 
 
 CHAFl'ER XXr. 
 
 Truunio)! is enraged at the conduct of Pickle. . , . Pere- 
 grine resents the injustice of his mother, to whom he 
 explains his sentiments in a letter. . . . Is entered at the 
 university of Oxford, where he signalizes himself as a 
 youth of an enterprising genius. 
 
 Unspeakable were the transports of rage to 
 ivhich Trunnion Avas incensed by this absurd re- 
 nunciation : he tore tlie letter with his gums (teeth 
 he liad none), spit with furious grimaces, in tok^n 
 of the contempt he entcrtamed for the author, 
 whom he not only damned as a lousy, scabby, nasty, 
 scurvy, skulking, lubberly noodle, but resolved tcj 
 ihallenge to single combat with fire and sword ; 
 but he was dissuaded from this riolent measure, and 
 appeased by the intervention and advice of the lieu- 
 tenant and Mr. Jolter, who represented the message 
 as the c'S(^ci of the poor man's infirmity, for which 
 fie \\ as ratjier an object of pity than of resentment ; 
 and turned the stream of his indignation against 
 the wife, whom he reviled accordingly. Nor did 
 Peregrine himself bear with patience this injurious 
 declaration, the nature of Avhich he no sooner un- 
 derstood from Hatchway, than equally shocked 
 and exasperated, he retired to his apartment, and, 
 in the first emotions of his ire, produced the fol- 
 lowing epistle, which was immediately conveyed 
 to his mother. 
 
 * Madam, had nature formed me a bugbear to the 
 isght, and inspired me with a soul as vitious as my body- 
 was detestable, perhaps I might have enjoyed particu- 
 lar marks of your affection and applause ; seeing you 
 have persecuted me with such unnatural aversion, for 
 no other visible reason than that of my differing so 
 widely in shape, as well as disposition, from that de- 
 
 Vol. 7. G
 
 liQi THE AJ>VEMLRES OF 
 
 formed urchin who is the object of your tenderness 
 and care. If those be the terms on which alone I can 
 obtain your favour, I pray God you may never cease 
 Xo hate, madam, y.ur m.ch injured son, 
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE.' 
 
 This letter, wliicli nothing but his passion and 
 inexperience could excuse, had such an effect up- 
 on his mother, as may be easily conceived. She 
 V. as enraged to a degree of frenzy against the writer ; 
 though at the same time she considered the whole 
 as the production of Mrs. Trunnion's particular 
 pique, and represented it to her husband as an in- 
 sult that he ^Yas bound in honour to resent, by 
 breaking off all correspondence with the commo- 
 dore and his family. This was a bitter pill to 
 (jamaliel, who, through a long course of years, 
 was so habituated to Trunnion's company, that he 
 could as easily have parted with a limb, as have 
 relinquished the club all at once. He therefore 
 ventured to represent his own incapacity to follow 
 her advice, and begged that he might at least be 
 alloM ed to drop the connection gradually, pi otest- 
 ing that he would do Ijis endeavour to give her all 
 manner of satisfaction. 
 
 Meanwhile preparations were made for Pere- 
 grine's departure to the university, and in a tew 
 weeks, he set out in the seventeenthyear of his age, 
 accompanied by the same attendants \\ho lived 
 with him at AVinchestcr. His uncle laid strong 
 injunctions upon him to avoid the company of 
 immodest women, to mind his learning, to let him 
 hear of his welfare as often as he could spare time 
 to WTite, and settled his appointment at the rate 
 of five hundred a-ycar, including his governor's 
 salary, which was one fifth part of the sum. The 
 heart of our young gentleman dilated at the pro- 
 si)ect of (he figure he should make with su( h an hand- 
 Some annuity, the management of 'o hich was Iclt
 
 PEREGItlNC riCKLE. 147 
 
 <o liihOWM discretion ; nnl he amused his imagina- 
 tion Avith the nl()^t agreeable reveries during his 
 joiiri" V (o O.xford, AvhicU he performed in two 
 (hjys. Here being inlr()(J need to tlie head of the 
 colK'i;:^, to Avliom he had been recommended, ac- 
 eomiiU)dated with genteel apartments, entered as 
 gentleman commoner in the books, and provided 
 with a judicious tutor, instead of returning to the 
 >,tudy of Greek and liatin, in which he thought 
 liimselfyl ready sudlciently instructed, he renewed 
 his acquaintance with some of his old school-fel- 
 lows, whom he found in the same situation, and 
 was by them initiated in all the fashionable diver- 
 sions of tile place. 
 
 It was not long before lie made himself remark- 
 able lor his spirit and* humour, which Avere so ac- 
 ceptable to the bucks of the university, that he 
 was admitted as a member of their corporation, 
 and, in a very little time, became the most conspi- 
 cuous personage of tlie whole fraternity; not that 
 he valued himself upon his ability in smoking the 
 greatest nuinijer of pipes, and drinking tlie largest 
 quantity of ale ; these Avere qualifications of too 
 gross a nature to cajitivate his refined ambilior;. 
 lie piqued himself on his talent for raillery, his 
 genius and taste, his pei^soual acconipTishraents, 
 and his success at intrigue : nor Avere his excursions 
 coi) fined to the small villages in the neighbour- 
 hood, Avhich are commonly visited once a week 
 by the students for the sake of carnal recreation. 
 lie kept his oAvn horses, traversed the av hole county 
 in parties of pleasure, attended all the races Avitli- 
 in tifty miles of Oxford, and made frequent j aunts 
 to London, Avhere he used to lie incognito during 
 {he best part of many a term. ' ~ 
 
 The rules of the university Averc too severe to be 
 observed by a youth of his viA^acity ; and there- 
 fore he became acquainted Avith the proctor by 
 
 G2
 
 J48 THE ADVENTLRES Ol 
 
 times. But all the checks lie received were iiisur- 
 iicient to moderate his career ; he frequented ta- 
 verns and cofleehouses, committed midniglit tVolics 
 in the streets, insulted all the sober and pacific 
 class of his fellow-.students ; the tutors themselves 
 were not sacred from his ridicule ; he laughed at 
 the magistrate, and neglected every particular of 
 college discipline. 
 
 In vain did they attempt to restrain his irregu- 
 larities by the imposition of tines ; he was liberal 
 to profusion, and therefore paid without refuctance. 
 Thrice did he scale the windows of a tradesman, 
 with whose daughter he had an affair of gallantry, 
 as often was he obliged to seek his safetj^ by a pre- 
 cipitate leap, and one night would, in all probabi- 
 lity, have fallen a sacrificeto an ambuscade that 
 was laid by the father, had not his trusty squire 
 Pipes interposed in liis behalf, and manfully rescu- 
 ed him from the clubs of his enemies. 
 
 In the midst of these excesses, INIr. Jolter, find- 
 ing his admonitions neglected, and his influence 
 utterly destroyed, attempted to wean his pupil 
 from his extravagant courses, by enga o^ gjus. at- 
 te ntio n in some more laudable p u rsmt. vVit h this 
 view he introduced him into a club of politicians, 
 who received him with great demonstrations of re- 
 gard, accommodated themselves more than he 
 could have expected to his jovial disposition, and 
 while they revolved schemes for the reibrmation 
 of the state, drank with such devotion to the ac- 
 complishment of their plans, that, before part- 
 ing, the cares of their patriotism were quite over- 
 whelmed. 
 
 Peregrine, though he could not approve of their 
 doctrine, resolved to attach himself for some time 
 to their company ; l^ecause he perceived ample 
 subject for his ridicule, in the characters of these 
 "wrong-hcaded enth usiasts . It was a constant prac-
 
 JM-.RCCJnTNE PICKLE. 149 
 
 uce-with lliom, in their midnight consialories, to 
 swallow such plentifiil dningiits of inspiration, 
 that tlx^iiT nivsteries con^nonly ended like (hose of 
 I he Jiaorhnnalian or<^ia ;" and they were seldom 
 iapal)Ie of inaintainin<z: that solenmiiy of decorum 
 which, by the nature of their functions, most of 
 thom were obliged to profess. Now, as Peregrine's 
 satirical disposition was never move gratified than 
 when he had an opportunity of exposing grave 
 characters in ridiculous attitudes, he laid a mis- 
 cTiievous snare for his new confederates, which 
 took eflect in this manner. In one of their noc- 
 turnal deliberations, he promoted such a spirit of 
 good fellowship, by the agreeable sallies of his wit, 
 which were purposely levelled against their poli- 
 tical adversaries, that by ten o'clock they were all 
 ready to join in the most extravagant proposal 
 that could be made. They broke their gla^Jscs in 
 consequence of his suggestion, draidc healths out 
 of their shoes, caps, and the bottoms of the candle- 
 sticks that stood tefore them, sometimes standing 
 with one foot on a chair, and the knee bent on the 
 edge of the table ; and, when they, could no longer 
 stand in that posture, setting their bare posleriors 
 on the cold floor. They liuzza'd, hallooed, danc- 
 ed, and sung, and, in short, were elevated to such 
 a piicli of intoxication, that when Peregrine pro- 
 posed that they should burn their j^erivvigs, the 
 hint was immediately approved, and they execut- 
 ed the frolic as one man. Tlieir shoes and caps 
 underwent the same fate by tlie same instigation ; 
 and in this trim he led them forlh into the street, 
 where they resolved to compel every body they 
 should find to subscribe to their political creed, 
 and pronounce the shibboleth of their party. In 
 the achievement of this enterprise, they met with 
 more opposition than they exjx^cted ; they were 
 encountered with arguments which they could not
 
 350 THE ABTENTURES O? 
 
 ^vell ^\i(h;5tand ; the noses of somo, and eyes of 
 others, in a verj little time, bore the i^^s of o!> 
 stinate disputation. Their conductor having at 
 Icng^th engaged the whole body iii a fray with an^ 
 other squadron, Avhich was l)rrtty much in the 
 same condition, he very fairly gave thesn the slip, 
 and slily retreated to his apartment, fc ^resc cini; tiiat 
 his coin))anions would soon be favoured with the 
 Tj^fice of their superiors ; nor was he deceived in 
 his l^ro^jiostic ; the proctor, going his round,, 
 chancedto fall in with this tumultuous uproar,, 
 and, interposing his authority, found means to 
 quiet the disturbance. He to<jk cognizance of their 
 names, and dismissed the rioters to their respective 
 chambers, not a little sen ndnlized at the behaviour 
 of some amoiig them, wh.osc business and duty it 
 was lo set far other exaniples to the youth under 
 their care and direction. 
 
 Alx)ut midnight, Pij)es, who had wders to at-^ 
 tend at a distance, and keep an cyp upon Jolter,. 
 brought home that unfortunate governor upon his 
 back (Peregrin? having before hand secured his 
 admittance into the college), and among other 
 bruises he was found to have received a couple 
 of contusions on his face, which next morning 
 appeared in a black circle that surrounded each 
 eye. 
 
 This was a mortifying circumstance to a man 
 of his character and deportment, esjiecially as he 
 liad received a message from the proctor, who de- 
 sired to s<'C him forthwith. With great humility 
 and contrition he begged the advice of his pupil, 
 who, being used to amuse himself with painting, 
 assured >^Ir. Jolter, that he would cover those si^ug 
 of disgrace wiCn a flight coat of llcsh-colour so 
 dexterously tliat it would l)e almost impossible to 
 distinguish the artificial from the natural skin. 
 The ruefid governor^ rather tlian exjwse such op-^
 
 pciiKviRixn ncKLE. lay 
 
 pn)])n(Mis lokons to the o!)s:en'ati(>n and censure of 
 the in;i:jistru!(^ s'lhaiiUt^d to tlie expedient. Al- 
 Ihon:;:]! his coiiM'>('lior had'ovcr-ralcd his own skill, 
 lie was ]>ersiiaded to confide in the dis;2;nise5 and 
 art:ia(]>' attended tlie proclo*-, with sticli a staring' 
 addition to the natural gluistliness of his features, 
 tliat his visage bore a vcrj- apt resemblance to 
 Kome of those ferocious countenrmces that hang 
 over tlie doors of certain taverns and ale-houses, 
 undor tlie d<;noiTiination of the Saracen's head. 
 
 Such a rcmarkabl(! alteration of physiagaggaj" 
 could n')t escape tlie n^tirf^ of the most un discern - 
 ing Ix'h older, much less the pesjliratiag eje of his 
 fvnere judge, ahoidy "whrtied with what l)e liarl 
 seen ov{^r-niglit. Jle w.is therefore upbraided with 
 tjiis ridiculous :uid shallow artifice, and, togctlier 
 v/ith the companions of his debauch, imderwent 
 s'.icli a culling reprimand for the scandalous irre- 
 gularity of his conduct, th:d all of them remained 
 crest-fallen, and were ashamed, for many weeks, to 
 a]:pear in the puldic execution of tlieir duty. 
 ' i'cregrine was too vain of his fiu'^sse to conceal 
 tue part he acted in this comedy, with Hie particu- 
 lars of whicli l;e reg;ded his companions, and there- 
 by entailed upon hiuiself (he hate and resentment 
 of the community wliose maxims and practices he 
 had dischised : tor he wis conRid<^rcd as a spy, 
 vdio had intruded himself into their society with 
 n view of betraying it: or, at best, as an apostate 
 and rcmegado from the fut!i and principles which 
 he had professed. 
 
 Gi
 
 152 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 He is insulted ly his tutor, uhom he lampoons. . . . 
 makes a considerable progress in polite literature. . . . 
 and, in an excursion to IVindsor, meets u.th Emilip. 
 by accide?it, and is very coldly received. 
 
 Among ^hose who suffered by his craft and infi- 
 delity was Mr. Jumble, his own tutor, who could 
 not at all digest the mortifying affront lie had re- 
 ceived, and was resolved to be revenged on the in- 
 sulting author. Witli this view lie watched the 
 conduct of Mr. Pickle with the utmost rancour of 
 vigilance, and let slip no opportunity of treating 
 liim wiJh disrespect, which he knew the disposi- 
 tion of his pupil could less brook than any other 
 severity it was in his power to exercise. 
 
 Peregrijie liad been several mornings absent 
 from chapel ; and as Mr. Jumble never failed to 
 question him in a very j)cromptory style about his 
 non-attendance, he invented some very plausible 
 excuses ; but at length his ingenuity; was exhaust- 
 ed ; he received a very galling rebuke for his pro- 
 fligacy of morals, and that he might feel it the 
 more sensibly, was ordered, byway of "exercise, to 
 compose a paraphrase, in English verse, upon^ 
 these two lints in V^irgil : 
 
 * Vanc ligur, frustraque aniinis elate superbis, 
 
 Nequicquam patrias tentasti lubricus artes.' 
 
 The imposition of this invidious theme had all 
 the desired effect upon Peregrine, who not only 
 considered it as a piere of uji mannerly a!>i!sc level- 
 led a gL' Inst his Gun conduct, but also as a retro- 
 spective insult on the memory of his grandfather, 
 who (as he had Ijcen informed was in his lifetime) 
 more notetl for his cunning^than candour ii; trade.
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 163 
 
 Evaspciairtl at this instance of the pedant's 
 andacKy, lu; had well nigh (in his first transports) 
 taken corporal satisfaction on the spot ; but fore- 
 seciudi^ <he troublesome consequence that would at- 
 tend such a flagrant outrage against the laws of 
 the university, he checked his indignation, and re- 
 solved to revenge the injury in a more cool and 
 contemptuous manner. Thus determined, he set 
 on foot an inquiry into the particulars of Jum- 
 bUi's parentage and education. He learnt that the 
 father of this insolent tutor was a bricklayer, that 
 Iiis mother sold pyes, and that the son, at different 
 periods of his youth^ had amused himself in both 
 occupations before lie converted his views to the 
 study of learning. Fraught with this intelligence^ 
 lie composed the following ballad in doggerel 
 rhymes, and next day presented it as a gloss upora 
 the text which the tutor had chosen. 
 
 Come, listen ye students of ev'ry degree, 
 
 I sing of a wit and a tutor perdie ; 
 
 A state jman profound, a critic immense, 
 
 In short, a mere jumble of learning and sensej 
 
 And yet of his talents, though laudably vain. 
 
 His own family arts he could never attain. 
 
 His father intending his fortune to build, 
 
 In his youth would have taught him th.troweI to wieWj 
 
 But the mortar of discipline never would srick. 
 
 For his skull was secur d by a facing of brick ; 
 
 And with all his endeavours of patience and pain, 
 
 The skill of his sire he could never attain. 
 
 His mother, an housewife, neat, artful, and wise, 
 Renown 'd for her delicate biscuit and pyesj 
 Soon alter'd his studies, by flatt'ring his ta=tc, 
 From the raising of walls to the rearing of ^aste ! 
 But all her instructions were fruitless and vain. 
 The pye- making myst'ry he ne'er could actain. 
 
 G 5
 
 154 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 Yet true to his race, in his labours were seen 
 A jumble of both tlieir jirofcssions, I ween ; 
 For, when his own genius he vcntur'd to trust. 
 His pycs seem d of brick, and his houses of crust. 
 Then, good Mr. 'Jutor, pray be not so vain, 
 Since your family arts you coulJ never attain. 
 
 This impuJciit prodiidion Mas (lie mast effec- 
 tnal vengeance he could have taken on his tutor, 
 who had all the sujx^rcilious arrogance and ridi- 
 culous pride of a low-born pedant. Instead of 
 overlooking this j^etulant piece of satire 'vvith that 
 temper and dccencj of disdain that became a per- 
 son of his gravity and station, he no sooner cast 
 his eye over the })erfonnance, than the blood rush- 
 ed into his countenance, which immediately after 
 exhibited a ghastly pale colour. With a quiver- 
 ing lip he told his I'upil, that he was an imperti- 
 nent jackanapes, and he would take care that he 
 should be expelled from the university, for having 
 presumed to write and deliver such a licentious 
 and scurrilous libel. Peregrine answered with 
 great resolution, that when the provocation he had 
 received should be known, he was persuaded that 
 lie should be acquitted in the opinion of all im- 
 paitial people ; and that he was ready to submit 
 the Avhole to the decision of the master. 
 
 This arbitration he proposed, because he knew 
 the master and Jumble were at variance ; and for 
 that reason the tutor durst not venture to put the 
 cause on such an issue. Nay, when this reference 
 "was mentioiH'd, Jumble, who was naturally jealous, 
 suspected that Pt^grine had a promise of protec- 
 tion before he unoertook to commit such an out- 
 rageous insult ; and this notion had such an effect 
 upon him, that he resolved to devour his vexation>. 
 and wait for a more favourable opportunity of 
 gratifying his hate. Meanwhile copies of the 
 ballad were distributed among the students^ who
 
 PEREC RINE PICKLE, ]55 
 
 suna^ li iinJcr (lie very nose of Mr. Jumble, to tlie 
 <(nie of .7 cottier there zcns, &c. and the tiitimpli 
 of our hero uas complete. JNeillicr was his Avhole 
 time devoted tothe riotous extra vaf;anciesof youth. 
 lie enjoyed many lucid intervals ; {lurini? which 
 he contracted a more intimate acquaintance v.ith 
 the classics, ajiplied himself to (he readini]^ of his- 
 tory, improved his taste for painting and music, 
 in which he made some proi^ress ; aiul above all 
 tliinji^s, cultivated the study of ijjjii u ral ph ilpso^)h y . 
 It was jrenerally after a course of ctose at ten( ion to 
 some of these arts and sciences, that ETs^nTspositiou 
 broke out into those irregularities and wild sallies 
 of a luxuriant imagination, for which he became 
 so remarkable; and he was perhaps the only young 
 man in Oxtord, who, at the same time, maintain- 
 ed an intimate and friendly intercourse with the 
 most unthinking, as well as with the most sedate 
 students at the uaiversity. 
 
 It is not to be supposed that a young man of 
 Peregrine's vanity, niexperienc;', and profusion, 
 could suit his ex^ence to his alio, '!,i(,< , liberal as- 
 it Mils ; tor he was not one of those tortuimte people 
 who are born economists, and knew not the art of 
 wit h-hoLl. ng his purse when he saw his companion 
 in diiiiculty. Tnus naturally generous and ex- 
 piMisive, he squandered away his moii<\y, and made 
 a most splendid appearance upon the receipt of 
 l)is quarterly appointment ; but long belbre the 
 tliird month was elaj)sed, his ti nances were con- 
 sumed ; and, as he could not sti>{>p to ask an ex- 
 traordinary supply, was too {Moud to boirow, and 
 too haug ity to run nt debt with tradesuKMi, he de- 
 Yoted those periods of poverty to the ptosecutioii 
 of his studies, and shone forth again at the revo* 
 lution of quarter-day. 
 
 In one of these irruptions, he and some of his 
 fora pat lions went to ^\'indsor, in order to &x the
 
 156 THE ADVENTURES OP 
 
 royal ai^aitments in the castle, whither they re- 
 paired ill the afternoon ; and, as Pere<^rine stood con- 
 templatini^ the picture of Hercules and Omphale, 
 one of his fellow-students whispered in his ear, 
 ' zounds! Pickle, there are two tine skirls.' He turn- 
 ed instantly about, and, in one of them, recogniz- 
 ed his almost forgotten Emilia : her appearance 
 acted upon liis imagination like a spark of tire 
 that falls among gunpowder; that passion which 
 had lain dormant for the space of two years flash- 
 ed up in a moment, and he was seized with an 
 universal trepidation. She perceived and par--\| 
 took of his emotion ; for their souls, like Tjnisons, .^^ 
 vibrated with the same impulse. However, she 
 called her pride and res<jntrnent to her aid, and 
 found resolution enough to retire from such a dan- 
 gerous scene. Alarmed at her retreat, he recol- 
 lected all his assurance, and, impelled by love, 
 which he could no longer resist, followed licr into 
 the next room, where, in the most disconcerted 
 manner, he accosted her with ' your humble ser- 
 vant, Miss Gauntlet ;' to which ifelutation she re- 
 plied, with an affectation of indifierence, that did 
 not, however, conceal her agitation, ' your servant, 
 sir ;' and immediately cxtendmg her finger towards 
 the picture of Duns Scotus, which is fixed over 
 one of the doors, asked Iier companion, in a gigling 
 tone, if she didriot think he looked like a conjurer.^ 
 Peregrine, "iicttled into spirits by this reception, 
 answered for the other lady,-^* that it was an easy 
 matter to be a conjurer in those times, when the 
 simplicity of the age assisted his divination ; but 
 were he, or Merlin himself, to rise from the dead 
 now, when such deceit and dissimulation prevail, 
 they would not l)e able to earn their bread by the 
 profession.' ' O sir,' (said she, turning full upon 
 him), ' without doubt they would adopt new 
 maxims ; 'tis no disparagement in this enlighten-
 
 rEREGRINE PICKLE. I5T 
 
 ed ncfG for one to alter o(;'s opinion.' ' No, sure, 
 inaclara' (replied tlie joutli, with some precipita- 
 tion), ' providedtliechani^eljefortliebetter.' *And,. 
 should it happen otherwise' (retorted the nymph,^ 
 with a Hilt of heKjQin), ' inconstancy will never 
 want countenance from the practice of mankind.' 
 ' True, madam,' (resumed our hero, tixin;^ his eyes 
 upon her), ' examples of levity are everywhere to 
 he nu't whli.' ' O lord, sir,' (cried Emilia, tossing 
 her head), ' you'll scarce ever find a fop without 
 it.' JJv tliis time his companion, seeing him en- 
 gagetl with one of the ladies, entered into conver- 
 sation with the other; and, in order to favour his 
 friend's gallantry, conducted her into the next 
 apartment, on pretence of entertaining her with 
 tlie sight of a remarkable piece of painting. 
 
 Peregrine, laying hold on this o{)portunity of 
 being alone with the object of his love, assumed a. 
 most seducing tenderness of look, and, heaving a 
 jjrofound sigh, asked if she had utterly discanled 
 him from her remembrance. Reddening at this 
 pathetic question, which recalled the memory of 
 the imagined slight he had put upon her, she 
 answered, in great confusion, ' sir, 1 believe I, once 
 had the pleasure of seeing you at a ball in Win- 
 chester.' ' Miss Emilia,' (said he, very gravely), 
 * will you be so candid as to tell me what misbe- 
 haviour of mine you are pleased to punish, by re- 
 stricting your remembrance to that single occa- 
 sion ?' ' Mr. Pickle,' (she replied, in the same tone), 
 ' it is neither my province nor inclination to judge 
 your conduct ; and therefore you misapply your 
 question, when you ask such an explanation of 
 me.' ' At least,' resumed our lover, ' give me the 
 melancholy satisfaction t know for what offence 
 of mine you refused to take the least notice of that 
 letter w hich I had the honour to write from Win* 
 Chester, by your own express permission,' * Yoiu
 
 158 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 letter,' (baid miss, with great vivacity), * neither re- 
 quired, nor, in my opinion, deserved an answer ; 
 and, to be free with yon, Mr. Pickle, it was but a 
 sliallow artifice to rid yourself of a correspondence 
 you had deigned to solicit.' Peregrine, confoimd- 
 ed at this repartee, replied, that liowsoever he 
 might have failed in point of elegance or discretion, 
 he was sure he had not been deficient in expres- 
 sions of respect and devotion for those charms 
 which it was his pride to adore : ' as for the verses,'' 
 f.aid he, ^ fown the}- were unworthy of the theme, 
 Imt I flattered myself that they would Iiave merit- 
 ed your acceptance, though not your approbation, , 
 and been considered not so much as the proof of 
 mv genius, as the genuine effusion of my love.' 
 * Verses !' (cried Emilia, with an air of astonish- 
 ment), ' w hat verses ? I really don't understand 
 you.' The young gentleman was thunderstruck 
 at this exclamation, to which, after a long pause, 
 he answered, ' I begin to suspect, and heartily 
 wish it may appear, that we have misunderstood 
 each other from the beginning. Pray, Miss Graunt- 
 let, did you not find a copy of verses inclosed in 
 that unfortunate letter?'- 'Truly, sir,' said the 
 lady, ' I am not so much of a connoisseur as to dis- 
 tinguish whether that facetious production, which 
 you merrily style an unfortunate letter, was com- 
 jwsed in verse or prose ; but, mcthinks, the j(^t is 
 a little too stale to be brought upon the carpet \ 
 again.' So saying, she tripped away to her com- ^ 
 panion, and lefli her lover in a most tumultuous 
 suspence. He now perceived that her neglect of 
 liis addresses, when he Avas at Winchester, m.ust 
 have been owing to some mystery which he could 
 not comprehend : and she began to susj)ect, and 
 to hope, that tlie letter which she received was 
 spurious, though she could not conceive how thai
 
 tKRECRlNE PICKLE. 159 
 
 rx)u1d possibly liappcn, as it had been delivered (o 
 Jier by llic hands ol his own servant. 
 
 However, she resolved to leave tlie task of un- 
 ravcllinij^ tlie affair to him, who, she knew, would 
 iiit'illibly exert liiinseU' for liis own as veil as her 
 satisfaction. 8lie was not deceived in her opinion : 
 lie went ii|) to lier ai>ain at the s^air-case, and, as 
 they Avere unprovided M'ith a m;de attendant, in- 
 sistcfl upon squirini^ the ladies to their lodjjings. 
 IJmiliasaw his drift, 'whicli was no other tlian to 
 know where she lived ; and, though she approved 
 of his contrivance, thought it was incumbent upon 
 Iter, for the support of her own dignitj-, to decline 
 ihc civility : she therefore thanked him for his po- 
 lite olr'er, but Mould by no means consent to his 
 giving himself such unnecessary trouble, especial- 
 ly as they had but a verj- little ^tay to walk, ife 
 was not repulsed by this refusal, the nature of 
 which lie perfectly understood ; nor was she sorry 
 io see him persevere in his determination : he there- 
 fore accompanied them in their return, and made 
 divers efforts to speak with J^milia in particular. 
 Bat she had a spice of the coquette in her disposi- 
 tion, and, being determined to whet his impatience, 
 artfully baffled all his endeavours, by keeping her 
 companion continually engaged in the conversa- 
 tion, M hicli turned upon the venerable appearance 
 and imperial situation of the place. Thus tanta- 
 lized, he lounged with them to the door of the 
 house in which they lodged, when his mistress, per- 
 ceiving, by the countenance of her comrade, that 
 5he was on the point of desiring him to walk in, 
 checked her intention with a frown ; then turning 
 to ^Ir. Pickle, dropped him a very formal curt'sey, 
 seized the other young lady by the arm, and say- 
 ing, ' comcj cousin Sophy,' vanished in a mo-^- 
 merJ,
 
 160 THE ADVENTURES OV 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 j^er sundry unsuccessful efforts, he finds means to corns 
 to an explanation with his mistress. . . . and a recon- 
 ciliation ensues. 
 
 Peregrine, disconcerlecl at (heir sudden disap- 
 pearance, stfxxl for some minutes gaping* in the 
 street, before Tie could get the better of his surprise : 
 and then deliberated with himself whether he 
 sliould demand immediate admittance to his mis- 
 tress, or choose some other method of application. 
 Piqued at her abnipt behaviour, though pleased 
 w ith her spirit, he set His invention to work, in or- 
 der to contrive some means of seeing her ; and, in 
 a fit of musing, arrived at the inn, where he found 
 his companions, whom he had left at the castle 
 gate. They had already: made inquiry about the 
 ladies, in consequence of which he learnt, that 
 Miss Sophy was daughter of a gentleman in town, 
 to whom his mistress was related ; that an intimate 
 friendship subsisted l)etween the two young ladies; 
 that Emilia had lived about a month with her 
 cousin, and apj^ared at the last assembly, where 
 she was universally admired ; and that several 
 young gentlemen of fortune had, since that time, 
 teased her with addresses. 
 
 Our heroes ambition was flattered, and his pas- 
 sion inflamed with this intelligence ; and he swore 
 within himself, that he would not quit the spot 
 until he should have obtamed au undisputed vic- 
 tory over all his rivals. 
 
 That same evening he composed a most eloquent 
 epistle, in which he earnestly entreated that she 
 would favour him with an opportunity of yindi- 
 eating his conduct ; but she would neither receu'e^ 
 his billet nor see his messenger. Baulked in this 
 effort, he inclosed it in a new cover, directed by 
 another hand, and ordered Pipes to ride next morn*-
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 16l 
 
 ing to London, on purpose to deliver it at the post- 
 ollice, that, coniin<)f by such conveyance, she 
 uii<ht liavc no suspicion of the author, and opea 
 it l)erore she should be aware of the deceit. 
 
 Three days lie waited patiendy for the efTect of 
 this strataa^em, and, in the afternoon of the fourth, 
 ventured to hazard a formal visit, in quality of an 
 old acquaintance. But here too he failed in his 
 attempt ; she was indisposed, and could not see 
 company. These obstacles served only to increase 
 his eag-erness : he still adhered to his former rcso- 
 lutioji ; and his companions, understanding his de- 
 termination, left him next daj^ to his own inventions. 
 Thus relinquished to his own ideas, he doubled 
 liis assiduity, and practised every mcthtxl his im- 
 agination could suggest, in order to promote his 
 plan. 
 
 Pipes was stationed all day long within sight of 
 her door, that he miglit be able to give his master 
 an account of her motions : but she never went 
 abroad, except to visit in the neighbourhood, and 
 Avas always housed before Peregrine could be ap- 
 prised of her appearance. He went to church 
 vtith* view of atijii^aiJi^fJKiK'Jwtice, and humbled 
 his deportment before her : but she was so mis- 
 chievously devout as to look at nothing but her 
 book, so that he wis not favoured with one gJWf'" 
 of regard. He frequented the coffeehouse, and at- 
 tempted to contract an acquaintance with Miss 
 Sophy's ffuher, who, he hoped, wouhl invite him 
 to his house: but this expectation was also de- 
 fl'ated. I'hat prudent genlleman looked upon him 
 as cue of those forward fortune-hunters who go 
 about the country seeking Avhom they may devour, 
 and warily discoijraged all his advances. Chagrin- 
 ed by so many unsuccessful endeavours, he began 
 t(| despair of accomplishing his aim : and, as the 
 V"* su^-o-rstion of I^is ait. paid off his lod^fing^, took
 
 162 THE ADVEXTUniZS OF 
 
 Iiorsc at noon, anil departed, in all appearance; 
 for the place from >^ hence be had come. He rodcj 
 Iiowever, but a few milj.s, and, in the dusk of tlie 
 cvenino^, retunved unseen, alighted at another inn, 
 ordered Pipes to stay wilhiji doors, and, keepini^ 
 Jiiraself incognito, emplojcd another person as ur 
 centinel upon Emilia." 
 
 It was not long before he reaped the fruits oF 
 his ingeauity. Next day in the afternoon he was 
 informed by his spy, that the two young ladies 
 were gone to walk in the park, whither he follow- 
 ed them on tlie instant, fully determined to come 
 to an explanation AvUh his mistress, even in pre- 
 sence of her friend, w ho might possibly be prevail- 
 ed upon to interest herself in bis behalf. 
 
 When be saw them at such a distance that they 
 could not return to tovn before he should have an 
 opportunity of putting his resolution in practice, 
 he mended his pace, and found means to appear 
 l^efore them so suddenly, that ErniHa could not 
 help expressing her surprise in a scream. Our 
 lover, putting on a mien of humility and mortifi- 
 cation, begged to know if her resentment was im- 
 placable ; and asked, why she had so cruelly re- 
 fused to grant him the common privilege tliat every 
 cruninai enjoyed ? ' Dear Miss Sophy,' (said he, 
 addressing himself to her companion), ' give mc 
 leave to implore your intercession w it h your cousin r 
 I am sure you have humanity enough to espouse 
 my cause, did you but know the justice of it ; and 
 J flatter myself* that, by your kind interposition^ 
 I may be able to rectify that fatal misunderstand- 
 ing which hath made laie wretched.' ' Sir,' said 
 Sopli}', ' you appear like a gentleman, and I doubt 
 not but your behaviour has been always suitable 
 to your appearance ; but you must excuse me from 
 undertaking any such office in behalf of a person 
 'tvbom I have not the honour to know.' ' Madamj*.
 
 UCRECniNE PICKLE. 165 
 
 answciTil Perigrino, ' I hope Miss Einv\vHI jusfifv 
 my pnton^ions (o (Iiat chaniclor, notwilhstundin^ 
 tlic mysd'ry of her displeasiire, Avhich, upon mj 
 honour, 1 cannot for my soul explain.' '' 1/ord ! 
 i\Ir. Pickle,' (said Jjiiilia, Mho had hy tliis lime 
 recollected licrsclf), 1 never questioaedyourgallant- 
 ry and taste, but I am resolved tliat you never 
 shall have cause to exercise your talents at my ex- 
 pence; so that you tease yourself and me to no 
 j)urpo.sc : come, Sophy, let us walk home again.' 
 ' Good God! madam,' (cried the lover, with great 
 emotion), ' why will you distract mc with s;k:h 
 indifl'erence? Stay, dear Emilia! I conjure you 
 on my knees to stay and hear me: hy all that is 
 sacred I was not to bianie! you must have bc^u 
 imposed upon by sorue villain who envied my 
 good foitune, and took some treacherous method 
 to rniii my love.' 
 
 J\'ii-s Sophy, who possessed a Lirge stock of 
 good nature, and to w horn her cousin had com- 
 municated the cause of her reserve, seeing the 
 young gentleman so much afiected with that dis- 
 dain, which she knew to be ftngned, laid hold o;* 
 Emilia's sleeve, saying, with a smile,- 'Not quite 
 so fiist, Emily, J l>egin to perceive that this is a 
 love-quarrel; and therelbre there maj' be hopes of 
 a reconciliation ; for I suppose both parties are 
 open to conviction.' ' For my own part,' (cried 
 Peregrine, with great eagerness), 'I appeal to Miss 
 Sophy's decision ; but why do I say appeal ? tliough 
 I am conscious of having committed no offence, i 
 am ready to submit to any penance, let it be ever so 
 rigorous that ir.y fair enslaver herself shall impose, 
 provided it will entitle me to her favour and for- 
 giveness at last.' Emily, v. ell nigh overcome by 
 this declaration, told hun, that, as she taxed him 
 with no guilt, she expected no atonement ; and 
 pressed her companion to return into town. Bu;t
 
 1(>1 THE ADVENTURES OP 
 
 Sophy, uho was too indulgent to her friond*s real 
 inclination to comply with her request, observed, 
 that the gentleman seemed so reasonable in his 
 concessions, she began to think her cousin was in 
 the WTong, and felt herself disposed to act as um- 
 pire in the dispute. 
 
 Overjoyed at this condesceasion, Mr. Pickle 
 thanked her in the most rapturous terms, and, in 
 the transport of his expectation, kissed the hand 
 of his kind mediatrix ; a circumstance which had 
 a remarkable eHect on the countenance of Emilia, 
 who did not seem to relish the warmth of his ac- 
 knowledgment. 
 
 After many supplications on one hand, and 
 pressing remonstrances on the other, she yielded 
 at length, and, turning to her lover, while her 
 face was overspread with blushes, ' well, sir,' 
 said she, ' supposing I were to put the diflerence 
 on that issue, how could you excuse the ridiculous 
 letter which you sent to me from Winchester ?' 
 This expostulation introduced a discussion of the 
 whole affair, in which all the circumstances were 
 canvassed; and Emilia still aifirmed, with great 
 heat, that the letter must have been calculated to 
 affront her; for she could not suppose the author 
 was so weak as to design it for any other purpose. 
 Peregrine, who still retained in his memory tlie 
 substance of this unlucky epistle, as well as the 
 verses \\ hich were inclosed, could recollect no par- 
 ticular expression which could have justly given 
 the least umbrage ; and therefore, in the agonies of 
 perplexity, begged that the whole might l^e sub- 
 mitted to the judgment of Miss Sophy, and faith- 
 fully promised to stand to her award. 
 
 In short, tins proposal was, with seeming re- 
 luctance, embraced by "Emilia, and an appoint- 
 ment made to meet next day, in (he same place, 
 whither both parties were desired to come, pro-
 
 rEIlEGRINE riCKLE. 165 
 
 tided witli llicir crcilentials, according to "which 
 definitive sentence would be pronounced. 
 
 Our lover having succeeded thus far, over- 
 ^vlielnied Sophy with acknowledgments on account 
 ot" her generous mediation, and, in the course of 
 their walk, uhich Emily was now in no hurry to 
 conclude, whispered a great many tender protest- 
 ations in the ear of his mistress, w ho nevertheless 
 continued to act u})on the reserve until her doubts 
 .should })e more fully resolved. 
 
 Mr. Pickle having found means to amuse them 
 in the fields till the twilight, was obliged to wish 
 them good even, after having obtauied a so- 
 lemn repcthion of their promise to meet him at 
 the appointed time and place ; and then retreated 
 to his apartment, where he spent the whole Jiight 
 in various coiyQctjyuss on the subject of this letter, 
 the gordian Knot of which he could by no means 
 untie. 
 
 One Avhile he imagined that some wag had 
 played a trick upon his messenger, in consequence 
 of w liicli Emilia received a supposititious letter ; 
 but, upon further reflection, he could not conceive 
 the practicability of any such deceit. Then lie 
 began to doubt the smceiity of his mistress, who, 
 perhaps, had only made that itn handle for dis- 
 xarding him, at the request of some favoured ri- 
 val ; but his own integrity forbade him to har- 
 bour this nicim suspicion ; and therefore he was 
 again involved ui the labyrinth of perplexity. 
 
 Next day he waited on the rack of impatience 
 for the hour of five in the afternoon, which no 
 sooner struck, than he ordered Pipes to attend him, 
 in case there should be occasion for liis evidence, 
 and repairetl to the place of rendezvous, where he 
 liad not tarried five minutes before the ladies ap- 
 peared. jNIiitual compliments being past, and the 
 attendant stationed at a coavenicnt distance, Fe-
 
 166 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 regrinc persiiaded them to sit down iipontliegrai, 
 under the shade of a spreading oa! , tliat tlicy 
 might be more at their ease; wliile he stretched 
 himself at their feet, and desiretl that the paper 
 on which his doom depended might Ixj examined. 
 It was accordingly put into the hands of his fair 
 arbitress, who read it immediately, with an audible 
 voice. The first two words of it were no soonei^ 
 pronoimced, than he started with great emotion, 
 and raised himself on his hand and knee, in which 
 posture he listened to tlie rest of the sentence ; then 
 5})rung upon his feet in the utmost astonishment, 
 and, glowing with resentment at the same time, 
 exclaimed, ^ Hell and the devil! what's all that? 
 Sure }ou make a jest of me, madam.' ' Pray? 
 sir,' said Sophy, ' give me the hearing for a few 
 moments, and then urge what you shall think pro- 
 per in 30iir own defence.' Having thiis cautioned 
 him, she proceeded : but before she had finished 
 one half of the performance, her gravitj forsook 
 her, and she was seized w ith a violent fit of laugh- 
 ter, in which neither of the lovers could help 
 ioining, notwithstanding the resentment Avhich at 
 <hat instant prevailed in tlie breasts of bol?i. The 
 judge, however, in a little time resutned her so- 
 lemnity, and having read the remaining part of 
 this curious epistle, all three continued staring at 
 each other alternate ly for the space of half a mi- 
 nute, and then brol e Ibrth at the same instant into 
 another paroxVsm of mirth. From this unani- 
 mous convulsion, one would have thought that 
 both partita were extrcmelj^ Avcll pleased with the 
 joke ; yet this Avas by no means the case. 
 
 Emilia imagined, that, notwithstanding his af- 
 fected surprise, her lover, in spnte of iiimself, had 
 renewed the laugh at her expeiice, and, in so do- 
 ing, applauded his own unmannerly ridicule. 
 This supposition could not fail of raising and re-
 
 rEIlEGRIXE IICKLE. 167 
 
 \"iviii<>; lur indii> nation, uliilc Peregrine liiglily 
 ivsi^nlcd the indignity with which lie snnposetl 
 jhiinsi If treated, in her attempting to' make him 
 the dupe of such a gross and Indicrous artifice. 
 'J'his being the situations of their thoughts, their 
 mirth was succeeded by a mutual gloominess of 
 aspect ; and the judge, addressing herself to Mr. 
 Pickle, asked if he liad any thing to offer why 
 sentence should not be pronounced ! ' Madam,' 
 answered the culprit, ' 1 am sorry to find myself 
 so low in the opinion of your cousin, as to be 
 thought capabkr of being deceived by sucli a 
 shallow contrirance.' ' Nay, sir,' said Emilia, 
 "*~TTre contrivance is your own ; and I cannot help 
 admiriiig your confidence in imputing it to me.' 
 ' Upon my honour, Mis^ Emily,' resumed our 
 hero, ' you wrong my understanding as well as 
 my h)Vo, in accusing me of having written such a 
 .>.illy impertinent performance, the very f^ppear- 
 iince and address of it is so unlike the letter which 
 ] did niysdf the honour to write, that I dare say 
 my man, even at this distance of time, Avill re- 
 iucmber the diiFerence.' So saying he extended 
 his voice, and beckoned to Pipes, who immediatc- 
 'y drew near. His mistress seemed to object to 
 1 lie eviuciice, by observing that, to be sure, Mr. 
 Pij)es had his cue ; when Peregrine begging she 
 v.ould sj;are him tlie raortiiication of considering 
 liim in such a dishonourable light, desired his 
 > alet to examine the outside of tlie letter, and re- 
 coHect if it was the same mIucIi he delivered to 
 Miss Gauntlet about two years ago. Pipes hav- 
 ing taken a superficial view of it, pulled up his 
 breeches, saying, ' Mayhap it is, but we have 
 made so many trips, and been in so many creeks 
 and corners, since that time, that I can't pretend 
 to be certain ; for I neither keep journal nor log- 
 Ix'ok of our proceedings.' Emilia commended
 
 1G8 THE ADVEXTURES OF 
 
 Jiim for his candour, at (lie same time darting a 
 sarcastic look at his master, as if she thought he 
 had tampered with his servant's integrity in vain; 
 and Peregrine began to rave and to curse his fate 
 for haviji^ subjected him to such mean suspicion, 
 attesting npaven and earth in the most earnest 
 manner, that, far from having composed and con- 
 ' veyed that stupid production, he had never seen 
 it before, nor been privy to the least circumstance 
 of the plan. 
 
 Pipes, now for the first time, perceived the mis- 
 chief which he had occasioned, and, moved with 
 the transports of his master, for whom he had a 
 most inviolable attachment, frankly declared he 
 was ready to make oath that INIr. Pickle had no 
 hand in the letter which he delivered. All three 
 were amazed at this confession, the meaning of 
 which they could not comprehend. Peregrine, 
 after some pause, leaped upon Pipes, and seizing 
 him by the throat, exclaimed in an ecstasy of rage, 
 ' rascal ! tell me this instant what became of the 
 letter I intrusted to your care.' The patient valet, 
 half strangled as he was, squirted a collection of 
 tobacco juice out of one corner of his mouth, and 
 with great deliberation replitd, ' why, ^burnt it ; 
 you wouldn't have me give the young woman a 
 thing that shook all in the whid in tatters, would 
 you ?' The ladies interposed in behalf of the dis- 
 tressed squire, from whom, by dint of questions, 
 w hich he had neither art nor inclination to evade, 
 they extorted an explanation of the whole affair. 
 
 Such ridiculous simplicity and innocence of in- 
 tention appeared in the composition of his expe- 
 dient, that even the remembrance of all the chagrin 
 which it had ])roduced could not rouse their in- 
 dignation, or enable them to resist a third eruption 
 of laughter, which they t^tliwith underwent. 
 
 I*ipes w as dismissed with many menacing in-
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 169 
 
 junctions to beware of siicli conduct for llic future ; 
 Emilia stootl w itii a confusion of joy and tender- 
 ness in her countenance ; Peregrine's eyes kindled 
 into rapture, and when Miss Sophy pronounced 
 the sentence of reconciliation, advanced to his 
 mistress, saying, * truth is mighty and will pre- 
 vail;' then clasping her in his arms, very impu- 
 dently ravished a kiss, which she had not power 
 to refuse. Nay, such was the impulse of his joy, 
 that he took the same freedom with tlie lips of 
 Sophy, calling her his kind mediatrix and guar- 
 dian angel, and behaved with such extravagance 
 of transport as plainly e yjlp ced the fervour and 
 sincerity of his love. 
 
 I shall not pretend to repeat the tender protest- 
 ations that were uttered on one side, or describe 
 the bewitching glances of approbation with which 
 they were received on the other ; suffice it to say, 
 that the endearing intimacy of their former con- 
 nection was instantly renewed, and Sophy, who 
 congratulated them upon the happy termination 
 of their quarrel, favoured with their mutual con- 
 fidence. In consequence of this happy pacifica- 
 tion, they deliberated upon the means of seeing 
 each other often ; and as he could not, without 
 some previous introduction, visit her openly at the 
 house of her relation, they agreed to meet every 
 afternoon in the park, till the next assembly, at 
 which he would solicit her as a partner, and she 
 be unengaged, in expectation of his request. By 
 this connection he would be entitled to visit her 
 next day, and thus an avowed correspondence 
 would of course commence. This plan was ac- 
 tually put in execution, and attended with a cir- 
 cumstance which had well nigh produced some 
 mischievous consequence, had not Peregrine's good 
 fortune been superior to his discretion. 
 Vol. I. H
 
 ^70 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 lie achieves an adventure at the assemlly, and quarrels 
 uith his governor. 
 
 At the assembly were no fewer than three gentle- 
 men of fortune, who rivalled our lover in his pas- 
 sion for Emilia, and who had severally begged 
 the honour of dancing with her upon that occa- 
 sion. She had excused herself to each, on pre- 
 tence of a slight indisposition that she foresaw would 
 detain her from the ball, and desired they would 
 provide themselves with other partners. Obliged 
 to admit her excuse, they accordingly followed her 
 advice; and after they had engaged themselves 
 beyond the power of retracting, had the mollifica- 
 tion to see her there unclaimed. 
 
 They in their turn made up to her, and ex- 
 pressed their surprise and concern at finding her 
 in the assembly unprovided, after she had declined 
 their invitation ; but she told them that her cold 
 had forsaken her since she had t-he pleasure of see- 
 ing them, and that she would rely upon accident 
 for a partner. Just as she pronounced these words 
 to the last of the three, Peregrine advanced as an 
 litter stranger, bowed with great respect, told her 
 he understood she was unengaged, and would think 
 himself highly honoured in being accepted as her 
 partner for the night ; and he had the good fortune 
 to succeed in his application. 
 
 As they were by far the handsomest and best 
 accomplished couple in the room, they could not 
 fail of attracting the notice and admiration of the 
 spectators, Vvhich inflamed the jealousy of his three 
 competitors, who immediately entered into a con-f 
 spiracy against this gaudy stranger, whom, as 
 their rival, they resolved to affront in public. Pur-
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 171 
 
 sua lit to the plan whicli they projected for this 
 purpose, Ihetirst country dance was no sooner con- 
 chided, than one of them, with his partner, took 
 place of Peregrine and liis mistress, contrary to 
 tile reijidation of the ball. Onr lover, imputini^ 
 his behaviour to inadvertency, informed the gentle- 
 man of his mistake, antl civilly desired he would 
 rectify his error. The other told him, in an im- 
 perious tone, that he wanted none of his advice, 
 and bade him mind his own affairs. Peregrine 
 answered with some warmth, and insisted upon 
 his right ; a dispute commenced ; high words en- 
 sued, in the course of which our impetuous youth, 
 hearing himself reviled with the appellation of 
 scoundrel, pulled off his antagonist's periwig, and 
 flung it in his face. Theladies immediately shriek- 
 ed, the gentlemen interposed, Emilia was seized 
 with atit of trembling, and conducted to her seat 
 by her youthful admirer, who begged pardon for 
 having discomposed her, and vindicated what ho 
 had done, by representing the necessity he was 
 under to resent the provocation he had received. 
 
 Though she could not help owning the justice 
 of his plea, she was not the less concerned at the 
 dangerous situation in which he had involved hhn- 
 self, and, in the utmost consternation and anxiety, 
 insisted upon going directly home. He could not 
 resist her importunities ; and her cousin being de- 
 termined to accompany her, he escorted them to 
 their lodgings, where he wished them good night, 
 after having, in order to quiet their apprehensions, 
 protested, that, if his opponent was satisfied, he 
 should never take any step towards the prosecution 
 of the quarrel. Meanwhile the assembly-room be- 
 came a scene of tumult and uproar. The person 
 who conceived himself injured, seeing Peregruie 
 retire, struggled with his companions, in order to 
 pursue and take satisfaction of our hero, whom he 
 
 112
 
 172 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 loaded with ierras of abuse, and challenged to 
 sina^le combat. 
 
 The director of the ball held a consultation with 
 all the subscribers who were present ; and it was 
 determined, by a majority of votes, that the two 
 gentlemen who had occasioned the disturbance 
 should be desired to Avithdraw. This resolution 
 being signified to one of the parties then present, 
 he made some difficulty of complying, but was 
 persuaded to submit by his two confederates, who 
 accompanied him to the street-door, where he was 
 met by Peregrine on his return to the assembly. 
 
 This choleric gentleman, who was a country 
 squire, no sooner saw his rival, than he began to 
 brandish his cudgel in a menacing posture, when 
 our adventurous youth, stepping back with one 
 foot, laid his hand upon the hilt of his sword, 
 which he drew halfway out of the scabbard. This 
 attitude, and the sight of the blade, whicli glisten- 
 ed by moonlight in his face, checked, in some 
 sort, the ardour of his assailant, who desired he 
 would lay aside bis toaster, and take a bout with 
 him at equal arms. Peregrine, who was an ex- 
 pert cudgel-player, accepted the invitation ; then 
 exchanging weapons with Pipes, who stood be- 
 hind him, put himself in a posture of defence, and 
 received the attack of his adversary, who struck 
 at random, without either skill or economy. Pickle 
 could have beaten the cudgel out of his hand at the 
 first blow ; but as, in that case, he would have 
 been obliged in honour to give immediate quarter, 
 he resolved to discipline his antagonist without ent 
 deavouring to disable him, until he should be 
 heartily satisfied with the vengeance he had taken. 
 With this view he returned the salute, and raised 
 such a clatter about the squire's pate, that one who 
 had heard, without seeing the application, would 
 have mistaken the sound for that of a salt-box, in
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 173 
 
 (he haads of a dexterous Merry Andrew, belong- 
 ins; to one of the booths at Bartholomew fair. 
 Neither was this salutation confined to Jiis head; 
 his shoulders, arms, thighs, ancles, and ribs, were 
 visiteil with amazing rapidity, while Tom Pipes 
 sounded the cliarge through his fist. Peregrine, 
 tired with this exercise, which had almost bereft 
 his enemy of sensation, at last struck the decisive 
 blow, in consequence of which the squire's weapon 
 ilew out of his grasp, and he allowed our hero to 
 be the^ better man. Satisfied with this acknow- 
 ledgment, the victor walked up stairs, with such, 
 elevation of spirits, and insolence of mien, that no- 
 body chose to intimate the resolution which had 
 been taken in his absence: there having amused 
 himself for some time in beholding the country 
 dances, he retreated to his lodging, where he in- 
 dulged himself all night in the contemplation of 
 his own success. 
 
 Next day, in the forenoon, he went to visit his 
 partner; and the gentleman at whose house she 
 lived, having been informed of his family and con- 
 dition, received him with great courtesy, as the 
 acquaintance of his cousin Gauntlet, and invited 
 him to dinner that same day. 
 
 Emilia was remarkably well pleased, Avhen she 
 understood the issue of his adventure, which began 
 to make some noise in town, even though it de- 
 prived her of a wealthy admirer. The squire hav- 
 ing consulted an attorney about the nature of the 
 dispute, in hopes of being able to prosecute Pere- 
 grine for an assault, found little eicouragenent to 
 go to law : he therefore resolved' to pocket the in- 
 sult and injury he had undergone, Imcl to discon- 
 tinue his addresses to her who was the cause of 
 both. 
 
 Our lover being told by his mistress, that she 
 proposed to stay a fortnight longer at Windsor, he 
 
 H3
 
 174 THE ADVENTUnES OP 
 
 determined to enjoy her company all tbat timc^ 
 and then to give her a convoy to the house of her 
 motJicr, whom he longed to see. In conscqnence 
 of this plan, he everj^ day contrived some fresh 
 party of pleasure for the ladies, to ^vhom he had 
 by this time free access ; and entangled liimsclf so 
 much in the snares of love, that he seemed quite en- 
 chanted by Emilia's charms, which were now indeed 
 almost irresistible. While he thus heedlessly roved 
 in the flowery paths of pleasure, his governor at 
 Oxford, alanned at the unusual duration of his 
 absence, went to the young gentlemen who had ac- 
 companied him in his excursion, and very earnest- 
 ly entreated them to tell him what they knew con- 
 cerning hi& puj)il. They accordingly gave him 
 an account of the rencounter that hapj)ened be- 
 tween Peregrine and Miss Emily Gauntlet in the 
 castle, and mentioned circumstances sufficient to 
 convince him that his charge was very dangerously, 
 engaged. 
 
 Far from having an authority over Peregrine, 
 JMr. Jolter durst Jiot even disoblige him ; there- 
 fore, instead of writing to the commodore, hetf)ok 
 horse immedip.tely, and that same night reached- 
 AV indsor, where he found his stray sheep \cr\\ 
 much suq)rised at his unexpected arrival. 
 
 The governor desiring to have some serious con- 
 versation with him, they shut themselves up in an 
 apart nicnt, when JoKer, with great solemnity, com- 
 municated the cause of his journey, which was no 
 other than his concern for his pupil's welfare; and 
 very gravely undertook to prove, by mathematical 
 ilcmon&tration, that this intrigue, if farther pur- 
 .sued, would tend to the young gentleman's ruin 
 and disgrace. This sjjrgular projwsition raised 
 tlie cy^itjsjij^ of PeregrincT'wTio promised to yield 
 aU manner of attention, and desired him to bcffin 
 wlf^oiit furtncr preamble.
 
 I^nECRlNE PICKLE. tTB 
 
 The governor, encouraged by this appearance 
 r candour, expressed his satisfaction in finding 
 him so open to conviction, and told him he would 
 proceed upon geometrical principles. Then, hem- 
 ming thrice, he observcHl, that no mathematical 
 inquiries could be carried on, except upon certain 
 da! a, or concession to truths, that Avere self-evi- 
 dent ; ajid therefore he must crave his assent to a 
 few axioms, which he was sure Mr. Pickle would 
 see no reason to dispute. * In the first place ^hen,' 
 said he, ' you will grant, I hope, that youtli and 
 discretion are, w ith resj)ect to each other, as two 
 parallel lines, which, though infinitely produced, 
 remain still equidistant, and will never coincide; 
 and then you must allow, that passion acts upon 
 the human uiiiul in a ratio compounded of the 
 acutciicss of sense and constitutional heat; and, 
 thirdly, you will not deny that the angle of re- 
 morse is equal to that of precipitation . Tlie postu- 
 lata being admitted,' (added he, taking pen, ink, 
 and paper, anil drawing a parallelogram), ' let 
 youth be represented by the right line A B, and 
 discietion by aiK^ther right line C D, parallel to 
 the former. Complete the parallelogram A B C D, 
 and let the point of intersection, B, represent per- 
 d it ion . Let j^assion , represented u nder t he letter C, 
 have a motion in the direction C A. At the same 
 time, let another motion be communicated to it, 
 in the direction C D, it will proceed in the diar 
 gonal C B, and describe it in the same time that 
 it would have descril)ed the side (J A by the first 
 motion, or the side C D by the second. To un- 
 derstand the demonstration of this corollar>', >ve 
 must premise this obvious principle, that, when a 
 body is acted upon by a motion of power parallel 
 to a right line given in position, this power, or mo- 
 tion, has no effect to cau-x the body to approach- 
 towards that luie, or recede from it, but to mo ve- 
 il 4
 
 176 ' THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 in a line parallel to a ^ right line only, as appears 
 from the second law of motion ; therefore C A be- 
 ing parallel to D B,' 
 
 His pupil having listened io him thus far, could 
 contain himself no longer, but interrupted the in- 
 vestigation with a loud laugh, and told him, that 
 his postidata put him in mind of a certain learned 
 and ingenious gentleman, who .undertook to dis- 
 prove the existc^nce of natural evil, and asked no, 
 other datum on which to found his demonstration, 
 but an acknowledgment that eieny thing that is is 
 right. ^ You may therefore,' (said he, in a peremp- 
 tory tone) ' spare yourself the trouble of torturing 
 your invention ; for after all, I am pretty certain 
 that I shall want capacity to comprehend the dis- 
 cussion of your lemma, and consequently be obliged 
 to refuse my assent to your deduction.' 
 
 Mr. Jolter was disconcerted at this declaration, 
 and so much offended at Peregrine's disrespect, 
 that he could not help expressing his displeasure, 
 by telling him fiatly, that he was too violent and 
 headstrong to be reclaimed by reason and gentle 
 means; that he (the tutor) must be obliged, in the 
 discharge of his duty and conscience, to inform 
 Ihi commodore of his pupil's imprudence ; that if 
 the laws of this realm were eflectual, they would 
 take cognizance of the gipsy who had led him 
 astray ; and observed, by way of contrast, that, if 
 such a preposterous intrigue had happened in 
 France, she would have been clapped up in a con- 
 vent two years ago. 
 
 Our lover's eyes kindled with indignation, when 
 }ie heard his mistress treated with such irreverence. 
 He could scarce refrain from inllicting manual 
 chastisement on the blasphemer, whom he re- 
 proached in his wrath as an arrogant pedant, with- 
 out either delicacy or sense ; and cautioned him 
 againiit usin^ any such impertinent freedoms with-
 
 BEREGRINE PICKLE. 177 
 
 bis affairs for the future, on pain of incurring more 
 severe effects of his resentment. 
 
 J\Ir. Jolter, who entertained very hi^h notions 
 of that veneration to which lie thought himself en- 
 tilled by his character and qualitications, had not- 
 bore, without repining, his want of intluence and 
 authority over his pupil, against whom he cherish- 
 eti a particular grudge ever since the adventure of 
 the painted eye ; and Ihereibre, on this occasion, 
 his politic tbrbearance iiad been overcome by the 
 accuinulatetl motives of his disgust. Indeed, he 
 would have resigned his charge with disdaui, had 
 he not been encouraged to persevere, by the hopes 
 of a goodii-ving vvhich Trunnion had in his gift, 
 or known how to dispose of himself lor the present 
 to better advantage. 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 He receives a letter from his aunt, breaks with the com* 
 modore, and disubti.ges the lieutenant, who nevertheless^ 
 undertakes his cause. 
 
 JVIean WHILE he quitted the youth in high dud*- 
 geon, and that same evening dispatched a letter 
 for Mrs. Trunnion, which was dictated by the 
 first transports of his passion, and of course replete 
 with severe animadveisions on the misconduct of 
 his pupil. 
 
 Ill consequence of this complaint, it was not 
 long before Pciegrine received an epistle from his 
 aunt, wheitin she couiinemorated all the circum- 
 stances of the commodore's benevolence towards 
 liiiu, when he was helpless and forlorn, deserted 
 and abaii loiied oy his own parents, upbraided 
 him lor his misix'havtoui , and neglect of his tutor's 
 advice, and insisted upon his breaKing off all in- 
 
 H 5
 
 17r8 THE ADVENTUBES OP 
 
 tercoursc with thai girl who had seduced his youth, 
 us he valued the continuance of her affection and 
 her husband's regard. 
 
 As our lover's own ideas of generosity were ex- 
 ireraely refined, he was shocked at the indelicate 
 insinuation of Mrs. Trunnioji, and felt alLthe pangS- 
 of an ingenuous mind that labours under obliga- 
 fions to a person whom it contemns. Far from 
 obeying her injunction, or -humbling himself by a, 
 Rubmisj>ive answer to her reprehension, his resent- 
 ment buoyed him up above every selfish consi- 
 deration ; he resolved to attach himself to Emilia, 
 if possible, more than ever ; and although he was 
 lemjiled to punish the oiiiciousness of Joker, by 
 ^criminating ripon his life and conversation, he 
 gcherously \vitbstood the impulse of his passion, 
 because he knew that his governor had no otlier 
 dependence than t-lie good opinion of the commo- 
 dore. He could uot, however, digest in silence 
 .the severe expostulations of his aunt ; to which 
 he replied by the following letter, addressed to her 
 husband. 
 
 Sir, though my temper could never stoop to offer, 
 nor, I believe, your disposition deign to receive, that 
 gross incense which the illiberal only expect, and none 
 but the base-minded condescend to pay, my sentiments 
 have alvi ays done justice to your generosity, and my 
 intention scrupulously adhered to the dictates of my 
 duty. Conscious of this integrity of heart, I cannot but 
 ssverely feel your lady's unkind (I will not call it un- 
 generous) recapitulation of the favours I have received ; 
 and, as I take it for granted, that you knew and apj.rov- 
 ed of her letter, 1 must beg leave to assure you,, that, far 
 from being swayed by menaces and reproach, I am de- 
 termined to embrace the most abject ex.tremity of for- 
 tuiie, rather than submit to such a dishonourable com* 
 pulsion. When I am treated in a more delicate and re- 
 spectable manner, I hope 1 shall behave as becomes, 
 
 Sir^ your obliged, p. PiCKLE.'
 
 FEREGHINE PICKLE. 179 
 
 Tlic conimo'.lorc, who did not understand those 
 nice dislinctions of behaviour, c'lrid dreaded tlic 
 conscqueuce of Perei^ririe's amour, a*^ainst vvliich 
 he was stranfely prepossessed, seemed exasjjcrated 
 at the insolence a;id obstinacy of liis adopted son ; 
 to whose epistle he wrote the followin;;^ answer, 
 which was transmitted by the hands of Hatchway, 
 who had orders to bring the delinquent along with 
 liim to the garrison. 
 
 ' Hark ye child, you need not bring your fine speeches 
 to bear upon uie. You only expend your ammunition 
 to no purpose. You.r aunt told you nothing but truth ; 
 for is is always fair and honest to be above board d'ye 
 see. I am informed as how yovi are in chase of a paint- 
 ed galley, which will decoy you upon the flats of de- 
 struction, unless you keep a better look-out and a surer 
 reckoning than you have hitherto done ; and I have sent 
 Jack Hatchway to see how the land lies, and warn you 
 of your danger : if so be as you will put about ship, 
 and let him steer you into this harbour, you shall meet 
 wiih a safe birth and friendly reception ; but if you re- 
 fuse to alter your course, you cr.nnot expect any further 
 assistance from yours, as you behave, 
 
 HAWSER TRUNNION.* 
 
 l*eregrine was equally ])iqued and disconcerted 
 at the receipt of this letter, which was quite dif- 
 fere it from what he had excepted, and declared 
 in a resolute tone to the lieiiten^nt, who brought 
 it, that he might return as soon as he pleased, for 
 he was dct rmined to consult his owji jncliuiition, 
 an- 1 remain for some time iiingcr vThere he was. 
 
 Hatchway endeavoured to persuade him by all 
 tlie arg<micnts which his sa^iicity and friendship 
 could supply, to shew a lifric more deference for 
 the old man, who was by this time rendered fret- 
 f d and peevish by the gout, which now hindered 
 liim from enjoying himself as usual, and who 
 raighl, in his passion, take some step very much
 
 180 THE ADVENTURES Of 
 
 to the detriment of the young gentleman, "whom 
 he had hitherto considered as his own son. Among 
 other remonstrances, Jack observed that mayhaps 
 Peregrine had got undrr Emilia's hatches, and did 
 not choose to set her adrift; and if that was the 
 case, he himself would take charge of the vessel, 
 and see her cargo safely delivered ; for he had 
 a respect for the young woman, and his needle 
 pointed to\^ards matrimony ; and as, in all pro- 
 bability, she could not be much the worse for the 
 wear, he would make shift to scud through life 
 with her under an easy sail. 
 
 Our lover was deaf to all his admonitions, and, 
 having thanked him for this last instance of his 
 complaisance, repeated his resolution of adhering 
 to his tirst purpose. Hatchway having profited 
 so little by mild exhortations, assumed a more 
 peremptory aspect, and plainly tokl him he nei- 
 ther could nor would go home without him ; so 
 he had best make immediate preparation for the 
 voyage. 
 
 Peregrine made no other reply to this declara- 
 tion than by a contemptuous smile, and rose from 
 his seat in order to retire ; upon which the lieuten- 
 ant started up, and posting himself by the door, 
 protested, with some menacing gestures, that he 
 would not suffer him to run ahead neither. The 
 other incensed at his presumption, m attempting 
 to detain him by force, tripped up his wooden 
 leg, and laid him on his back in a moment ; then 
 walked deliberately towards the park, in order to 
 indulge his reflection, which at that time teemed 
 with disagreeable thoughts. He had not pro- 
 ceeded two hundred steps, when he heard some- 
 thing blowing and stamping behind him ; and, 
 looking back, perceived the lieutenant at his heels, 
 with rage and indignation in his countenance. 
 This exasperated seaman, impatient of the affront
 
 rEREGRINE PICKLE. 1$T 
 
 he had received, and forgetting all the circum- 
 stances of their former intimacy, advanced with 
 great ea^erness to his old friend, saying, * look 
 ye, brother, you're a saucy boy, and if you was 
 at sea, I would have your backside brought to the 
 davit for your disol)edience ; but as we are on 
 shore, you and I must crack a pistol at one an- 
 other ; here is a brace, you shall take which you 
 please.' 
 
 Peregrine, upon recollection, was sorry for hay- 
 ing been laid under the necessity of disobliging 
 honest Jack, and very frankly asked his pardon 
 for what he had done. But this condescension 
 was misinterpreted by the other, who refused any 
 other satisfaction but that which an officer ought 
 to claim ; and, with some irreverent expression?, . 
 asked if Perry was afraid of his bacon. The 
 youth, inflamed at this unjust insinuation, darted 
 a ferocious look at the challenger, told him he had 
 paid but too much regard to his infirmities, and 
 bid him walk forward to the park, where he would 
 soon convince him of his error, if he thought his 
 concession proceeded from fear. 
 
 About this time, they were overtaken by Pipes, 
 who having heard the lieutenant's fall, and seen 
 him pocket his pistols, suspected that there was a 
 quarrel in the case, and followed him with a view 
 of protecting his master. Peregrine seeing him 
 arrive, and guessing his intention, assumed an air 
 of serenity, and pretending that he had left his 
 handkerchief at the inn, ordered his man to ga 
 thither and fetch it to him in the park, where he 
 would find them at his return. This command 
 was twice repeated before Tom would take any 
 other notice of the message, except by shaking his 
 head; Ijut being urged with many threats and 
 curses to obedience, lie gave them to understand 
 that he knew their drift too well to trust them by
 
 182 THE ADVENTURES t)P 
 
 themselves. * As for you, Lieutenant Hatchway,'^ 
 said he, ' I have been your ship-mate, and tnow 
 you to be a sailor, that's enough; and as for master, 
 I know him to be as good a man as ever stepped 
 betwixt stem and stern, whereby, if you have any 
 thing to say to him, I am your man as the sa} ing 
 is. Here's my suppling, and I don't value your 
 crackersof a rope's end.' This oration, the long- 
 est that ever Pipes ^^as known to make, he con- 
 cluded with a flourish of his cudgel, and enforced 
 with such determined refusals to leave them, that 
 they found it impossible to bring the cause to 
 mortal arbitrement at that time, and strolled about 
 the park in profound silence ; during w hich, 
 Ihvtchway's indignation subsiding, he all of a sud- 
 den thrust out liis hand as an advance to recon- 
 ciliation, wliich being cordially shaken by Pere- 
 grine, a general pacitication ensued ; and was fol- 
 lowed by a consultation about the means of txtri- 
 cating the youth from his present perplexity. Had 
 his disposition been like that of mobt other young 
 men, it would have been no dithcult t;isk to ove - 
 come his difficulties ; but such was the obstinacy 
 of his pride, that he deemed himself bound in 
 honour to resent the letters he had received ; and, 
 instead of submitting to the pleasure of the com- 
 modore, expected an acknowledgment from him, 
 without which he would listen to no terms of ac- 
 commodation. ' Had I been his own son' said 
 he, ' I shouki have bore his reproof, and sued for 
 forgiveness ; but knowing myself to be on the foot- 
 ing of an orphan, wlio de^xinds entirely uj)()ji his 
 benevolence, I am jealous of every tUing that can 
 he construed into disres[)ect, and insist r.po.i be- 
 ing treated with the most punctual regard. I 
 shall now make apj)licalion to my father, who is 
 obliged to provide for me by the ties of nature, 
 as well as the laws of the land j and if he shall re-
 
 "PEREGRINE PICKLE. 183 
 
 fuse to do me justice, I can never "vvant employ- 
 ment while men are required for his majesty's ser- 
 vice. 
 
 Tiie lieutenant, alarmed at this intimation, begg- 
 ed he would take no new step until he should 
 hear from him ; and that very evening set out 
 for the garrison, where he gave Trunnion an 
 account of the miscarriage of his negociation, told 
 him how highly Peregrine was oflended at the let- 
 ter, communicated tlie young gentleman's senti- 
 n\ents and resolution, and, finally, assured hira, 
 that, unless he should think proper to ask pardon 
 for the oftence he had committed, he would, in all 
 a])})earance, never more behold the face of his 
 godson. 
 
 Tiie old commodore was utterly confounded at 
 this piece of intelligence; he had expected all the 
 humility of obedience and contrition froiii the 
 young man ; andj instead of that, received nothing 
 but the most indignant opposition, and even found 
 himself in the circumstances of an oflender, oblig- 
 ed to make atonement, or forfeit all correspond- 
 ence with his favourite. These insolent condi- 
 tions at, first threw Iihn into an agony of wrath, 
 and he vented execrations with such rapidity, 
 that he left himself no time to breathe, and had 
 almost been sullbcated with his choler. He in- 
 veighed bitterly against the ingratitude of Pere- 
 grine, whom he mentioned %vith many opprobri- 
 ous ci)ithets, and swore that he ought to be keel- 
 hawled for his presumption ; but when he began 
 to reflect more coolly upon the spirit of the young 
 gentleman, which had already manifested itself 
 on many occasions, and listened to the sugges- 
 tions of Hatchway, whom he had always consi- 
 dered as an oracle in his way, his resentment abat^ 
 eel, and he determined to take Perry into fav- 
 our again ; this placability being not a little faci-
 
 18-t THE ADTENTUBES OF 
 
 litated by Jack's narrative of our hero's intrepid 
 behaviour at the asserably, as well as in the con- 
 test with him in the park.- But still this plaguy 
 amour occurred like a bugbear to his imagination; 
 for he held it as an infallible maxim, that woman 
 was an eternal source of misery to man. Indeed 
 this apolhegm he seldom repeated since his mar- 
 riage, except in the company of a very few inti- 
 mates, to whose secrecy and discretion he could v / 
 trust. Finding Jack himself at a nonplus in the/,<' 
 afl'air of Emilia, he consulted Mrs. Trunnion, 
 who was equally surprised and offended, when 
 she understood that hfs letter did not produce the 
 desired efiect; and, after having imputed the 
 youth's obstinacy to his uncle's unseasonable in- 
 dulgence, had recourse to the advice of the parson, 
 who, still with an eye to his friend's advantage, 
 counselled them to send the young gentleman on 
 his travels, in the course of which he would, in all 
 probability, forget the amusements of his greener 
 years. The proposal was judicious, and imme- 
 diately approved, when Trunnion, going into his 
 closet, after divers efforts, produced the following 
 billet, with which Jack departed for Windsor 
 that same afternoon. 
 
 * MY GOOD LAD, 
 
 * If I gave offence in my last letter, I'm sorry for't, 
 d'ye see; I thought it was the likeliest way to bring 
 you up; but, in time to come, you shall have a larger 
 sv/ing of cable. When you can spare time, I shall be 
 glad if you will make a short trip, and see your aunt, 
 and him who is ^ 
 
 Your loving godfather and humble servant, 
 
 HAWSER TRUNNION.' 
 
 p. S. If you want money you may di^aw upon me 
 payable at sight.
 
 rEREGIllNE PICKLE. 18 
 
 CHAPTER XXVr. 
 
 He become; nnhncholy and despondent ; is favoured -with et 
 condescending letter from his uncle ; reconciles himself to 
 his governor, and sets out tvith Emilia and her friend 
 
 far Mrs. Gauntlet's house. 
 
 1 EREGRINE, fortified as he was with pride and 
 indignation, did not fail to feel the smartins: sug- 
 gestions of his present situation ; after having 
 lived so long in an affluent and imperious manner,, 
 he could ill brook the thoughts of submitting to 
 the mortifying exigencies of life. All the gaudy 
 schemes of pomp and pleasure, which his luxu- 
 riant imagination had formed, began io dissolve, 
 a train of melancholy ideas took possession of his 
 thoughts, and the prospect of losing Emilia was 
 not the least part of his affliction. Though he 
 endeavoured to suppress the chagrin that preyed 
 upon his heart, he could not conceal the disturb- 
 ance of his mind from the pen etration of that ami- 
 able young lady, who sympathized with him in 
 her heart, though she could not give her tongue^ 
 the liberty of asking; the cause of his disorder \ 
 for, notwithstanding all the ardour of his ad- 
 dresses, he never could obtain from her the declar- 
 ation of a mutual tiame ; because, though he had- 
 hitherto treated her with the utmost reverence of 
 respect, he had never once mentiom^d the final 
 aim of his passion. However honourable she 
 sfljiposed it to be, she had disee rnment| t^fiQUff h to 
 fo re se e , that vanity or interest, co-operating with 
 tlTe levity of youth, might one day deprive her of 
 her lover, and she was too proud to give him any 
 handle of exulting at her expence. Ahhough he 
 was received by her with the most distinguished 
 civility, and even an intimacy of friendship, all
 
 ]S6 TflE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 Ills solicitations could never extort from her an ac- 
 knowledgment of love; on the contrary, being of 
 a giiy disposition, she sometimes coquetted with 
 other admirers, Ihnt his q^q^f inn thus whetted 
 might never abate, and that he might see she had 
 olBer resources, in case he should flag in his af- 
 fection. 
 
 This being the prudential plan on which she 
 acted, it cannot be supposed that she would con- 
 descend to inquire into the state of his thoughts, 
 when she saw him thus affected ; but she, never- 
 theless imposed that task on her cousin and con- 
 fident, Avho, as they walked together in the park, 
 observed that he seemed to be out of humour. 
 When this is the case, such a question generally 
 increases the disease; at least it had that effect 
 upon Peregrine, w ho replied somewhat peevishly, 
 'I assure you, madam, you never was moremistaken 
 in your observations.' ' I think so too,' said Emi- 
 lia, for I never saw JNIr. Pickle in higher spirits.' 
 This ironical encomium completed his confusion ; 
 he aflccted to smile, but it was a smile of anguish, - 
 and in liis heart he cursed the vivacity of both. 
 He could not for his soul recollect hims^-lf so as to 
 utter one connected sentence; and the suspicion 
 tliat they observed every circumstance of his be- 
 Imviour, threw such a damp on his spirits, that 
 he was quite overwhehned with shame and resent- 
 ment, when Sophy, casting her eyes towards the 
 gate, said, ' 3'onder is your servant, Mr. Pickle, 
 with another man who seenis to have a wooden 
 leg.' Peregrine started at this intelligence, and 
 immediately underwent sundry changes of com- 
 plexion, knowing that his fate in a great measure 
 depended uj)on the information he would receive 
 from his friend. 
 ' Hatchway advancing to the company, after a 
 Uracc of sea bows to the ladies,. took the youilb
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. IBT 
 
 aside, and put the commodore's letter into his 
 hand, Avhich threw him into such an as^itation, 
 that he could scarce pronounce ' ladies, will you 
 give me leave ?' When, in consequence of their 
 j)ermi.ssion, he attempted to open the billet, he 
 tumbled with such manifest disorder, that his mis- 
 tress, wiio watched his motions, began to think 
 there was something very interesting in the mes- 
 sage; and so much was she afiected with his con- 
 cern, that she was fain to turn her head another 
 way, and wipe the tears from her lovely eyes. 
 
 Meanwhile Peregrine no sooner read the first 
 sentence, than his countenance, which before was 
 overcast with a deep gloom, began to be liglited 
 up, and every feature unbending by degrees, he 
 recovered his serenity. Having perused the letter, 
 liis eyes sparkling with joy and gratitude, he iing- 
 ged the lieutenant in his arms, and presented him 
 to the ladies as one of his best friends. Jack met 
 with a most gracious reception, and shook Emilia 
 by the hand, telling her, with the familiar appel- 
 lation of old ccquaiHance, that he did not care 
 how soon he was master of such anotlier clcan-go- 
 iag frigate as herself. 
 
 Tiie whole company partook of this favourable 
 change that evidently appeared in our lover's re- 
 collection, and enlivened his conversation with 
 such an uncommon flow of sp right liness ami g(.x)d 
 humour, as even made an impression on the iron 
 countenance of Pipes himself, who actually smiled 
 with satisfaction as he walked behind them. 
 
 The evening being pretty far advanced, they 
 directed their coursii homeward ; and while the 
 valet attemled ll.itchway to the inn, Peregrine 
 escorted the ladies io their lodgings, wliere he own- 
 ed the justness of Sophy's reiuark, in saying he was 
 out of humour, and told them he had been ex- 
 tr.eMiely chagrined at a difJercncc v^hich.haJ hup-
 
 188 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 pened between him and his uncle, to whom (hj 
 the letter which they had seen him receive) he now 
 found himself happily reconciled. 
 
 Having received their congratulations, and de- 
 clined staying to sup with them, on account of 
 the longing desire he had to converse with his 
 friend Jack, he took his leave, and rejmired to the 
 inn, where Hatchway informed him of every thing 
 that had happened in the garrison upon his re- 
 presentations. Far from being disgusted, he was 
 perfectly well pleased with the prospect of going 
 abroad, which flattered his vanity and ambition, 
 gratified his thirst after knowledge, and indulged 
 that turn for observatioru Jbr whicJiJiaJiad been 
 :^m arkable from his mostJender.yefirs. iSTeifher 
 did he believe a short" absence would tend to the 
 J>rejudice of his love, but, on the contrary, enhance 
 the value of his heart, becau^i he should return 
 better accomplished, and consequently a more wel- 
 come offering to his mistress. JL)ievated with these 
 sentiments, his heart dilated with joy, and the 
 sluices of his natural benevolence being opened by 
 this hapj/y turn of his affairs, he sent his compli- 
 ments to Ml'. Jolter, to whom he had not spoken 
 during a m hole week, and desired he would favour 
 Mr. Halchwayandhim with liis company at supper. 
 
 The governor whs not weak enough to decline 
 this invitation ; in consequence of which he forth- 
 with appeared, and was cordially welcomed by 
 the relenting pupil, who expressed his sorrow for 
 the misunderstanding which had prevailed be- 
 tween them, and assured him, that, for thefiiture,' 
 he would avoid giving him any just cause of com- 
 plaint. Jolter, who did not want affection, was 
 melted by this acknowledgment, which he could 
 not have expected, and earnestly protested, that 
 his chier study had always been, and ever should 
 be, to promote Mr. Pickle's intei^t aod happiness.
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 189 
 
 The best part of tlie night being spent in the cir- 
 culation of a cheerfid. glass, the company broke 
 up ; and next morning Peregrine went out with a 
 view of making his mistress acquainted with his 
 uncle's intention of sending him out of the king- 
 dom for his improvement, and of saying every 
 thing which he thought necessary for the interest 
 of his love. He found her at breakfast with her 
 cousin ; and, as he was very full of the subject of 
 his visit, had scarce fixed himself in his seat, 
 when he brought it upon the carpet, by asking, 
 with a smile, if the ladies had any commands for 
 Paris ? Emilia, at this question Ix^gan to stare, and 
 her confident desired to know who was going thi- 
 ther ? He no sooner gave them to understand that 
 he himself intended in a short time to visit that 
 capital, than his mistress, with great precipitation, 
 wished him a good journey, and aftected to talk 
 with indifterence about the pleasures he would en- 
 joy in France : but when he seriously assured 
 Sophy, who asked if he was in earnest, that his 
 uncle actually insisted upon his making a short 
 tour, the tears gushed in poor Emilia's eyes, and 
 she was at great pains to conceal her concern, by 
 observing that the tea was so scalding hot, as to 
 make her eyes water. This pretext was too thin 
 to impose upon her lover, or even deceive the ob- 
 servation of her friend Sophy, who, after break- 
 fast, took an opportunity of quitting the room. 
 
 Thus left by themselves. Peregrine imparted to 
 her what he had learned of the commodore's in- 
 tention, without, however, mentioning a syllable 
 of his being offended at their correspondence, and 
 accompanied his information with such fervent 
 vows of eternal constancy and solemn promises of 
 a speedy return, that Emilia's heart, which had 
 been invaded by a suspicion that this scheme of 
 travelling was the effect of her lover's inconstancy.
 
 190 THE ADVEXTtlRES Of 
 
 began to be more at ease ; and she could not help 
 si^nffvif^ g her approbation of his design. 
 
 This affair being amicably compromised, he 
 asked how soon she proposed to set out for her 
 mother's house ; and understanding that her de- 
 parture was fixed for next day but one, and that 
 her cousin Sophy intended to accompany her in 
 her father's chariot, he repeated his intention of 
 attending her. In the meantime he dismissed 
 his governor and the lieutenant to the garrison, 
 with his compliments to his aunt and the commo- 
 dore, and a faithful promise of his being with 
 them in six days at farthest. 
 
 These previous measures being taken, he, at- 
 tended by Pipes, set out with the ladies ; and they 
 had also a convoy for twelve miles from Sophy's 
 father, who at parting recommended them piously 
 to the care of Peregrine, with whom, by this time, 
 he was perfectly well acquainted. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVII. 
 
 They meet with a dreadful alarm on the road. . . . arrives 
 at their journey's end. . . . Peregrine is introduced to 
 Emily's brother. . . . these two young gentlemen mis* 
 understand each other. . . . Pickle departs for the gar* 
 rison. 
 
 As they travelled at an easy rate, tliey had per- 
 formed something more than one half of their jour- 
 ney, when they were ^riigh ted near an inn, at 
 which they resolved to lodge : Ihe accommodation 
 was very good ; they supped together with great 
 mirth and enjoyment, and it was not till after he 
 had been warned by the yawns of the ladies, that 
 he conducted them to their apartment ; where wish-
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 191 
 
 mg tlicm good night, he retired to his own, and 
 vvcnt to rest. 
 
 The house was crowded with country people 
 who had been at a neighbouring fair, and now re- 
 galed themselves with ale and tobacco in the yard ; 
 so tliat their consideration, which at any time was 
 but slender, being now overwhelmed by this de- 
 bauch, they staggered into their respective ken- 
 nels, and left a lighted candle sticking to one of 
 the wooden pillars that supported the gallery. 
 The flame in a little time laid hold on the wood, 
 which was as dry as tinder, and the whole gallery 
 was on tire, when Peregrine suddenly awaked, 
 and found himself almost suffocated. He sprung 
 up iu an instant, slipped on his breeches, and 
 throwing open the door of his chamber, saw the 
 whole entry in a blaze. 
 
 Heavens ! what were the emotions of his soul, 
 when he beheld the volumes of flame and smoke 
 rolling towards the room where his dear Emilia 
 lay ! Regardless of his own danger, he darted him- 
 self through the thickest of the gloom, when knock- 
 ing hard, and calling at the same time to the la- 
 dies, with the most anxious entreaty to be admit- 
 ted, the door was opened by Emilia in her shift, 
 who asked, with the utmost trepidation, what was 
 the matter ? He made no reply, but snatching her 
 up in his arms, like another iEneas, bore her 
 through the flames to a place of safety ; where, 
 leaving her before she could recollect herself, or 
 pronounce one word, but ' alas ! my cousin Sophy !' 
 he flew back to the rescue of that young lady, and 
 found her already delivered by Pipes, who, hav- 
 ing been alarmed by the smell of fire, had got up, 
 rushed immediately to the chamber where he knew 
 these companions lodged, and (Emily being saved 
 by her lover) brought oft" Miss Sophy with the
 
 J92 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 loss of his ovm shock head of hair, which was 
 singed off in his retreat. 
 
 By this time the whole inn was alarmed ; every 
 lodger, as well as servant, exerted himself, in or- 
 der to stop the progress of this calamity ; and there 
 being a well replenished horse-pond in the yard, 
 in lest than an hour tlie fire was totally extinguish- 
 ed, without having done any other damage than 
 that of consuming about two yards of the wooden 
 gallery. 
 
 All this time our young gentleman closely at- 
 tended his fair charge, each of whom had swoon- 
 ed with apprehension ; but as their constitutions 
 were good, and their spirits not easily dissipated, 
 when upon reflection they found themselves and 
 their company safe, and th)t the flames were hap- 
 pily quenched, the tumult of their fears subsided, 
 they put on their clothes, recovered their good 
 humour, and began to rally each other on the trim 
 in which they had been secured. Sophy observ- 
 ed, that now Mr. Pickle had an indisputable claim 
 to her cousin's affection ; and therefore she ought 
 to lay aside all affected reserve for the future, and 
 frankly avow the sentiments of her heart. Emily 
 retorted the argument, putting her in mind, that, 
 by the same claim, Mr. Pipes was entitled to the 
 liJse return from her. Her friend admitted the 
 force of the conclusion, provided she could not 
 find means of satisfying her deliverer in another 
 shape ; and turning to the valet, who happened 
 to be present, asked, if his heart was not otherwise 
 engaged ? Tom, who did not conceive the mean- 
 ing of the question, stood silent according to cus- 
 tom ; and the interrogation being repeated, answer- 
 ed, with a grin, ' heart whole as a biscuit, I'll 
 assure you, mistress.' * What !' said Emilia, 
 * have you never been in love, Thomas ?' ' yes, for- 
 sooth,' (replied the valet, without hesitation),
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 193 
 
 ' soinctimcs of a morning.' Peregrine could not 
 help lanohing, and his mistress looked a lUtliidis- 
 concert(xl at this blunt repartee ; while Sopliy 
 slipping a purse into his haud, told him there was 
 something to purchase a periwig. Tom, Jiaving 
 considtcd his master's eyes, refused the present, 
 saving, ' no, thank ye as much as if I did.' And 
 though she insisted upon his putting it in his 
 pocket, as a small testimony of her gratitude, he 
 could not be prevailed upon to avail himself of 
 her generosity ; but, following her to the other end 
 of the room, thrust it into her sleeve without cere- 
 mony, exclaiming, ' I'll be damn'd to hell if I 
 do.' Peregrine having checked him for his boorish 
 behaviour, sent him ont of the room, and begged 
 that Miss Sophy would not endeavour to debauch 
 the morals of his servant, who, rough and uncul- 
 tivated as he was, had sense enough to perceive 
 that he had no pretension to any such acknow- 
 ledgment. But she argued with great vehemence 
 that she should never be able to make an acknow- 
 ledgment adequate to the service he had done her, 
 and that she should never be perfectly easy in her 
 own mind, mitil she found some opportunity of 
 manifesting the sense she had of the obligation : 
 * I do not pretend,' said she, ' to rcAvard Mr. Pipes ; 
 but I shall be absolutely unhappy, unless I am al- 
 lowed to give him some token of my regard.' 
 
 Peregiiiic, thus earnestly solicited , desired that, 
 since she was bent upon displajing her generosity, 
 she would not bestow upon him any pecuniary 
 gratitication, but honour him with so:ne trinket, 
 as a rjinrk of consideration ; because he himself 
 had such a particular value for the fellow, on ac- 
 count of his attachment and fidelity, that he should 
 be sorry to sec him treated on the footing of a com- 
 mon mercenary domestic. 
 
 There w as not one jeweFin the possession of this 
 
 Vol.L I
 
 194 THE ADYEXTURES OF 
 
 grateful 3'oung lady, that she would not have glad- 
 ly given as a recom pence, or badge of distinction, 
 to her rescuer ; but his master pitched upon a seal 
 ring of no great value, that hung at her watch, 
 and Pipes bemg called in, had permission to ac- 
 cept that testimony of Miss Sophy's favour. Tom 
 received it accordingly with sundry scrapes, and, 
 having kissed it with great devotion, put it on his 
 little finger, and strutted off, extremely proud of 
 his acquisition. 
 
 Emilia, with a most enchanting sweetness of as- 
 pect, told her lover, that he had instructed her 
 how to behave towards him ; and taking a dia- 
 mond ring from her finger, desired he would wear 
 it for her sake. He received the pledge as became 
 him, and presented another in exchange, which 
 she at first refused, alleging, that it would destroy 
 the intent of her acknowledgment ; but Peregrine 
 assured her, he had acceptetl her jewel, not as a 
 propf of her gratitude, but as the mark of her love ; 
 and that, if she refused a mutual tolfen . he should 
 look upon himself as the object of her disdain. 
 Her eyes kindled, and her cheeks glowed, with 
 resentment, at this impudent intimation, which 
 she considered as an unseasonable insult ; and the 
 young gentleman, perceiving her emotion, stood 
 corrected for his temerity, and asked pardon for 
 the liberty of his remonstrance, which he hoped 
 she would ascribe to the prevalence of that prin- 
 ciple alone which he had always taken pride in 
 avowing. 
 
 Sophy, seeing him disconcerted, interposed, in 
 his behalf, and chid her cousin for having prac- 
 tised such unnecessary afiectation ; upon which 
 Emilia, softened into compliance, held out her 
 finger as a signa l of her condescension. Peregrine 
 put on the rmg with great eagerness, mumbled her 
 !oft ^yhite hand in an ecstacy which would not al-
 
 PEnEGnixNE PICKLE. 195 
 
 low liim to confine his embraces to that limb, but 
 iir;^ed hira to seize her by the waist, and snatch a 
 delicious kiss from her love-pout inij^ lips ; nor 
 would he leave her a butt to the ridicule of Sophy, 
 on whose mouth he instantly committed a rape of 
 the same nature ; so that the two friends, coun- 
 tenanced by each other, reprehended hira with 
 such gentleness of rebuke that he was almost 
 tempted to repeat the offence. 
 
 The morning being now lighted up, and the 
 servants of the inn on foot, he ordered some cho- 
 colate for breakfast, and, at the desire of the ladies, 
 sent Pipes to see the horses fed, and the chariot 
 prepared, while he went to the bar, and discharg- 
 ed the bill. 
 
 These measures being taken, they set out about 
 five o'clock, and having refreshed themselves and 
 their cattle at another inn on the road, proceeded 
 In the afternoon. Without meeting with any other 
 accident, they safely arrived at the place of their 
 destination, where Mrs. Gauntlet expressed her 
 joy at seeing her old friend Mr. Pickle, whom, 
 how ever, she kindly reproached for the long dis- 
 continuance of his regard. Without explaining 
 the cause of that interruption, he protested, that 
 his love and esteem had never been discontinued, 
 and that, for the future, he should omit no occa- 
 sion of tr^:t^4"? how much he had her friendship 
 at heart. She then made him acquainted with her 
 son, who at that time was in the house, being ex- 
 cused from his duty by furlough. 
 
 This young man, whose name was Godfrey, was 
 about the age of twenty, of a middling size, vigor- 
 ous make, remarkably well shaped, and the scars 
 of the small pox, of which he bore a good number, 
 added a peculiar manliness to the air of his coun- 
 tenance. His capacity was good, and his disposi- 
 tion naturally frank and easy ; but he had been 
 
 12
 
 196 THE. ADVENTURES OF 
 
 a soldier from his infancy, and his education was 
 altogether in the military style. He looked upon 
 taste and letters as mere pedantry, beneath the con- 
 sideration of a gentleman ; and every civil station 
 of life as mean, when compared with the profes- 
 sion of arms. He had made great progress in the 
 gymnastic sciences of dancing, fencing, and rid- 
 ing, played perfectly well on the German flute, and, 
 above all things, valued himself upon a scrupulous 
 observance of all the points of honour. 
 
 Had Peregrine and he considered themselves up- 
 on equal footing, in all probability they would 
 have immediately entered into a league of inti- 
 macy and friendship : but this sulDcient soldier 
 looked upon his sister's admirer as a young stud- 
 ent, raw from tl>c university, and utterly ignor- 
 ant of mankind ; while Squire Pickle beheld God- 
 frey in the light of a needy volunteer, greatly in- 
 ferior to himself in fortune, as well as every other 
 accomplishment. This mutual misunderstanding 
 could not fail of producing animosities. Tlie very 
 next day after Peregrine's arrival, some sharp re- 
 partees passed between them in presence of the 
 ladies, before whom each endeavoured to assert his 
 own superiority. In these contests our hero never 
 failed of obtaining the victory, because his genius 
 was more acute, and his talents better cultivated 
 than those of his antagonist, who therefore took 
 umbrage at his success, became jetdous of his re- 
 putation, and began to treat him with m|y|ks of 
 scorn and disrespect. 
 
 His sister saw, and dreading the consequence of 
 his ferocity, not only took him to task in private 
 for his impolite Ix^haviour, but also entreated her 
 lover to make allowances for the roughness of her 
 brother's education. He kindly assured her, that, 
 whatever pains it might cost him to vanquish his 
 own impetuous temper, he would for her sake en- 
 
 3
 
 PEREGniNE PICKLE. 19T 
 
 dure all the mortifications to which her brother's 
 arrogance might cx])ose him ; and, after having 
 stayetl with lier two days, and enjoyed several pri- 
 vate interviews, during which he acted the part 
 of a most passionate lover, he took his leave of 
 Mrs. Gauntlet over night, and told the young ladies 
 he would call early next morning to bid them fare- 
 vvel. lie did not n(\glect this piece of duty, and 
 found the two friends and breakfast already pre- 
 pared in the ]>arlour. All three being extremely 
 afli'cted with the thoughts of parting, a most pa- 
 thetic silence for some time prevailed, till Pere- 
 grine put an end to it, by lamenting his fate, in 
 being obliged to exile himself so long from the dear 
 object of his most interesting wish . He begged, 
 with the most earnest supplications, that she would 
 now, in consideration of tlic cruel absence he must 
 sutler, give him the consolation which she had 
 hitherto refused, namely, that of knowing he pos- 
 sessed a place within her heart. The confident 
 seconded his request, representing, that it was now 
 no time to disguise her sentiments, when her lover 
 was about to leave the kingdom, and might be in 
 danger of contracting other connections, unless he 
 was confirmed iji his constancy, by knowing how 
 far he could depend upon her love ; and, in short, 
 fehe Avas plied with such irresistible importuni- 
 ties, that she answered, in the utmost confusion, 
 ' tliough I have avoidetl literal acknowledgments, 
 raethiiiks the circumstances of my behaviour might 
 have convinced IMr. Pickle that I do not regard 
 him as a common acquaintance.' ' INIy charming 
 Emily !' (cried the impatient lover, throwing him- 
 self at her feet), ' Avhy will you deal out my hap-, 
 pincss in such scanty portions ? why will you thus 
 mince the declaration w hich would overwiielm me 
 with pleasure, and cheer my lonely reflection, 
 vhile I sigh amid the solitude of separation ?' His 
 
 13
 
 198 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 fair mistress, melted by this image, replied with 
 the tears, gushing from her eyes, ' I'm afraid I 
 shall fell that separation more severely than you 
 imagine.' Transported at this flattering confes- 
 sion, he pressed her to his breast, and, while, her 
 head reclined upon his neck, mingled his tears 
 with hers in great abundance, breathing tlie most 
 tender vows of eternal fidelity. The gentle heart 
 of Sophy could not bear this scene unmoved ; she 
 wept with sympathy, and encouraged the Ipvers 
 to resign themselves to the will of fate, and support 
 their spirits with the hope of meeting again on 
 happier terms. Finally, after mutual promises, 
 exhortations, and endearments. Peregrine took his 
 leave, his heart being so full, that he could scarce 
 pronounce the word adieu ! and, moimting his 
 horse at the door, set out with Pipes for the gar- 
 rison. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 Peregrine is overtaken ly Mr. Gauntlet, with whom he 
 Jights a duel, and contracts an intimate friendship. 
 .... He arrives at the garrison, znd finds his mother 
 as implacable as ever. . . . He is insulted ly his brother 
 Gam, whose preceptor he disciplines with a horse-whip. 
 
 In order to expel tlie melancholy images that took 
 possession of his fancy, at parting from his mis- 
 tress, he called in the flattering ideas of those plea- 
 sures he expected to enjoy in France ; and, before 
 lie had rode ten miles, his unagiuation was efiec- 
 tually amused. 
 
 While he thus prosecuted his travels by antici- 
 pation, and indulged himself iii all the insolence 
 of hope, at the turning of a lane he was all of a 
 sudden overtaken by Emilia's brother on horse-
 
 PERCCniXE PICKLE. 199 
 
 back, ^vllo loltl Iiini he was riding tlic same way, 
 ami should be glad of his company. 
 
 This young gentleman, whether prompted by 
 ])ersonal pique, or actuated with zeal lor the ho- 
 nour of his family, had followed our hero, with a 
 view of obliging him to ex})laiii the nature of his 
 attachment to his sister. Peregrine returned his 
 compliment with such disdauiful civility, as gave 
 him room to believe that lie suspected his errand ; 
 tuid, therefore, without further preamble, he de- 
 clared his business, in these words : ' Mr; Pickle, 
 you have carried on a correspondence with my 
 sister for some time, and I should be glad to know 
 the nature of it.' To this question our lover re- 
 plied, ' sir, I should be glad to know what title 
 you have to demand that satisfaction.' ' Sir,' 
 answered the other, ' I demand it in the capacity 
 of a brother, jealous of his own honour, as well as 
 of his sister's reputation ; and, if your intentions 
 are honourable, you will not refuse it.' * Sir,' said 
 Peregrine, * I am not at present disposed to appeal 
 to your opinion tor the rectitude of my intentions; 
 and I think you assume a little too much import- 
 ance, in pretending to judge my conduct.' ' Sir,' 
 replied the soldier, ' I pretend to judge the con- 
 duct of every man who interferes with my concerns, 
 and even to chastise him, if 1 think he acts amiss.' 
 * Chastise!' (cried the youth, with indignation in 
 his looks), ' sure you dare not apply that terra to 
 mei' ' You are mistaken,' said Godfrey ; * I dare 
 do any thing that becomes the character of a gen- 
 llcraan.' ' Gentleman! God wot !' (replied the 
 other, looking contemptuously at his equipage, 
 which was none of the most superb), ' a very pretty 
 gentleman truly !' The soldier's wrath was inflamed 
 by this ironical repetition, the contempt of whicli 
 his conscious poverty made him feel ; and he call- 
 ed his antagonist presumptuous boy ! insolent up- 
 
 14
 
 200 THE ADVENTUnES OF 
 
 start ! -with otlier epithets, ^vhicll Perry retortal 
 with great bitterness. A formal challenge having 
 passed between them, they alighted at the first 
 inn, and walked into the next field, in order to 
 decide their quarrel by the sword. Having pitch- 
 ed upon the spot, helped to pull off each other's 
 boots, and laid aside their coats and waistcoats, 
 ]\Ir. Gauntlet told his opponent, that he himself 
 was looked upon in the army as an expert swords- 
 man ; and that, if Mr. Pickle had not made that 
 science his particular study, they should be upon 
 a more equal fixating in using pistols. Peregrine 
 was too much incensed to thank him for his plain 
 dealing, and too confident of his own skill, Xtrr^ 
 "Tish-the other's pro]3osal, which he accordingly 
 rejected: then, drawing his sword, he observed, 
 that, were he to treat Mr. Gauntlet according to 
 liis deserts, he woidd* order his man to punish 
 his audacity with a horse-whip. Exasperated at 
 this expression, which he considered as an indel- 
 ible affront, lie made no reply, but attacked his 
 adversary with equal ferocity and address. The 
 youth parried his first and second thrust, but re- 
 ceived the third in the outside of his sword arm. 
 Though the wound was superficial, he was 
 transported with rage at sight of his own blood, 
 and returned the assault with such fury and pre- 
 cipitation, that Gauntlet, loth to take advantage 
 of his unguarded heat, stood upon the defensive. 
 In the second lounge. Peregrine's weapon entering 
 a kind of net work in the shell of Godfrey's sword, 
 the blade snapped in two, and loft him at the 
 mercy of the soldier, who, far from making an in- 
 solent use of the victory he had gained, put up his 
 toledo with great deliberation, like a man who 
 had been used to that kind of rencounters, and ob- 
 served, that such a blade as Peregruie's was not to 
 be trusted with a man's life : then advising the
 
 PERECniXE PICKLE. $0t 
 
 owner to treat a gentleman in distress with more 
 respect for the future, he slipped on his boots, and, 
 with sullen dignity of demeanour, stalked back to 
 the inn. 
 
 Tliough Pickle was extremely mortified at his- 
 niiscarriage in this adventure, he was also struck 
 with the behaviour of his antagonist, whicli af- 
 fected him the more, as he understood that God- 
 frey's fierte had proceeded from the jealous sensi- 
 bility of a gentleman declined into the vale of 
 niistbrtuue. Gauntlet's valour and moderation in* 
 tluced liim to put a favourable construction on all 
 those circumstances of that young soldier's con- 
 tluct, which had before given him disgust ; though, 
 in any other case, he would have industriously 
 avoided the least appearance of submission, he 
 followed his conqueror to the inn, with a view of 
 thanking liim for his generous forbearance, and of 
 soliciting his friendship and correspondence. 
 
 Godfrey had his foot in the stirrup, to mount, 
 when Peregrine coming up to iiim, desired he 
 would defer his departure for a quarter of an hour, 
 and favour him with a little private conversation. 
 The soldier, who mistook the meaning of the re- 
 quest, immediately quitted his horse, and followed 
 Pickle into a chamber, where he exj^ectetl to iind 
 a brace of pistols loaded on the table ; but he was 
 very agreeably deceived, when our hero, in the 
 most respectful terms, acknowledged his noble de- 
 portment in the field, owned, that till then he had 
 misimderstood his character, and begged that he 
 would honour him with his intimacy and corres- 
 pondence. 
 
 Gauntlet, who had seen undoubted proof s of 
 Peregrine's courage, which had considerably rais- 
 ed him in his esteem, and had sense enough to 
 perceive that this concession was not o^ving to any 
 sordid or sinister motive, embraced his ofier witb 
 
 15
 
 202 THE ADYENTURES OF 
 
 dem <)pstratiQ3 s of infinite satisfaction. AVhcn he 
 unamtood the terms on wliich Mr. Pickle was 
 Tvith his sister, he proffered his service in his turn, 
 either as agent, mediator, or confident : nay, to 
 give his new friend a convincing proof of his sin- 
 cerity, he disclosed to him a passion which he 
 had for some time entertained for his cousin Miss 
 Sophy, though he durst not reveal his sentiments 
 to her father, lest he should be offended at his pre- 
 sumption, and withdraw his protection from the 
 familj'. 
 
 Peregrine's generous heart was wrung with an- 
 guish, when he understood that this young gen- 
 tleman, who was the only son of a distinguished 
 officer, had carried arms for the space of five years, 
 without being able to obtain a subahern's commis- 
 sion, though he had always behaved with rcmark- 
 ble regularity and spirit, and acquired the friend- 
 ship and esteem of all the officers under w horn he 
 had served. 
 
 He would, at that time, with the utmost plea- 
 sure, have shared his finances with him ; but, as 
 he would not run the risk of offending the young 
 soldier's delicacy of honour, by a premature exer- 
 tion of his liberalit}', he resolved to insinuate him- 
 self into an intunacy with him, before he would 
 venture to take such freedoms; and, with that 
 view, pressed Mr. Gauntlet to accompany him to 
 the garrison, where he did not doubt of having in- 
 fluence enough to make him a welcome guest. 
 Godfrey thanked him very courteously for his in- 
 vitation, which he said he could not immediately 
 accept; but promised, if he would favour him 
 with a letter, and fix the time at which he pro- 
 posed to set out for France, he would endeavour 
 to visit him at the commodore's habitation, and 
 from thence give him a convoy to Dover. This 
 new treaty being settled, and a dossil of lint, with
 
 PEREGniNE PICKLE. 205 
 
 a snip of plaster, applied to our adventurer's 
 wound, he parted from the brother of his dear 
 JMnilia, to whom, and his friend Sophy, lie sent 
 Ji is kindest wishes; and haviui^ lods^ed one night 
 upon the road, arrived next day in the afternoon 
 at the g^arrison, where he found all his friends in 
 good health, and overjoyed at his return. 
 
 The commodore, who was by this time turned 
 of seventy, and altogether crippled by the gout, 
 seldom went abroad ; and, as his conversation was 
 Tiot very entertaining, had but liitle company 
 within doors; so that his spirits must have quite 
 stagnated, had they not been kept in motion by 
 the conversation of Hatchway, and received, at 
 difierent times, a wholesome tillip from the discip- 
 line of his spouse, who, by the force of pride, 
 religion, and coniac, had erected a most terrible 
 tyranny in the house. Tiiere was such a quick 
 circulation of domestics in the family, that every 
 suit of livery had been worn by figures of all di- 
 mensions. Trunnion himself had, long before this 
 time, yielded to the torrent of her arbitrary sway, 
 tjiough not without divers obstinate eftorts to 
 maintain his liberty ; and now, that he was dis- 
 abled by his infirmities, when he used to hear his 
 empress singing the loud Orthyansong among the 
 servants below, he would often, in whispers, com- 
 municate to the lieutenant hints of what lie would 
 do, if so be as how he was not deprived of the use of 
 his precious limbs. Hatchway was the only per- 
 son whom the temper of Mrs. Trunnion respected, 
 cither because she dreaded his ridicule, or looked 
 upon his person with eyes of aflection. This be- 
 ing the situation of things in the garrison, it is not 
 to be doubted that the old gentleman highly en- 
 joyed the presence of Peregiijic, who found means 
 to ingratiate himself so eliectually with his aunt, 
 thutj while he remained at home, she seemed to
 
 204 THE ADTEXTURES OF 
 
 liave exchanged the disposition of a tigress, for 
 that of a gentle kid : but he found his own mo- 
 ther as imphicable, and his father as much hen- 
 pecked as ever. 
 
 Gamaliel, >vho now very seldom enjoyed the 
 conversation of his old friend the commodore, had 
 some time ago entered into an amicable society, 
 consisting of the barber, a})othecary, attorney, and 
 exciseman, of the parish, among whom he used to 
 spend the evening at Tunley's, and listen to their 
 disputes upon philosophy and politics with great 
 comfort and editication, while his sovereign lady 
 domineered at home as usual, visited with great 
 pomp in the neighbourhood, and employed her 
 chief care in the education of her darling son Gam, 
 "who was now in the fifteenth year of his age, and 
 so remarkable for his perverse disposition, that, iu 
 spite of his mother's influence and authority, he 
 was not only hated, but also despised both at home 
 and abroad. She had put him under the tuition 
 of the curate, who lived in the family, and was 
 obliged to attend. him in all his exercises and ex- 
 cursions. This governor was a low bred fellow, 
 who had neither experience nor ingenuity, but 
 possessed a large fund of adulation and servile 
 c6mplaisai)ce, by which he had gained the good 
 graces of JMrs. Pickle, and presided over all her 
 deliberations, in the same manner as his superior 
 managtxl those of Mrs. Trunnion. 
 
 He had one day rode out to take the air with 
 his pupil, who, as I have already observed, was 
 odious to the poor jieople, for hanng killed their 
 dogs, and broken their inclosures, and, on account 
 of his hump, was distinguished by the title of Mij 
 Lord, when, in a narrow lane they chanced to 
 meet Peregrine on horseback. 
 
 The 3'oung squire no sooner perceived his elder 
 brother, against whom he had been instructed to
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 205 
 
 l)ear the most inveterate grudge, than he resolved 
 to insult him en passant^ and actually rode against 
 him full gallop. Our hero, guessing his aim, fix- 
 id himself in his stirrups, and by a dexterous ma- 
 nagement of tlie reins, avoided the shock in such 
 a manner, as that their legs only should encoun- 
 ter, by which means ]\Ty Lord was tilted out of 
 his saddle, and, in a twinkling, laid sprawling in 
 the dirt. The governor, enraged at the disgrace of 
 his charge, advanced with great insolence and fury, 
 and struck at Peregrine with his whip. Nothing 
 could be more agreeable to our young gentleman 
 than this assault, which furnished him Avith an 
 opportunity of chastising an oflicious wretch, 
 whose petulance and malice he had longed to pu- 
 nish, lie, therefore, spurring up his horse towards 
 his antagonist, overthrew him in the middle of a 
 hedge. Before he had time to recollect himself 
 from the confusion of the fall. Pickle alighted in a 
 trice, and exercised his horse-whip with such agi- 
 lity about the curate's face and ears, that he was 
 fain to prostrate himself before his enraged con- 
 queror, and inrj:)lore his forbearance in the most 
 abject terms. While Peregrine was thus employ- 
 ed, his brother Gam had made shift to rise and at- 
 tack him in the rear; for which reason, when the 
 futor was quelled, the victor faced about, snatched 
 the weapon out of his hand, and having broken it 
 in pieces, remounted his horse, and rotle off, with- 
 out deigning to honour him Avith any other notice. 
 The condition in which they returned produced 
 infinite clamour agauist the conqueror, who was 
 represented as a ruffian who had lain in ambush 
 to make away with his brother, in whose defence 
 the curate was said to have received those cruel 
 stripes, that hindered him from appearing for three 
 whole weeks in the performance of his duty at 
 church.
 
 1^)6 TilE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 Complaints were made to the commodore, who, 
 having inquired into the circumstances of the af- 
 fair, approved of what his nephew had done ; 
 adding, with many oaths, that, provided Peregrine 
 had l^een out of the scrape, lie wished Crook-back 
 had broke his neck in the full. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 He projects a plan of revenge, which is executed against 
 the curate. 
 
 Our hero, exasperated at the villainy of the cu- 
 rate in the treacherous misrepresentation he had 
 made of this rericounter, determined to practice 
 upon him a method of revenge, which shoukl be 
 not only effectual, but also unattended with any 
 bad consequence to himself. For tliis purpose he 
 and Hatchway, to whom he imparted his plan, 
 went to the ale-house one evening, and called for 
 an empty room, knowing there was no other but 
 that which they had chosen for the scence of ac- 
 tion. This apartment was a sort of a parlour that 
 fronted the kitchen, with a window towards the 
 yard ; where, after they had sat some time, the 
 lieutenant found means to amuse the landlord in 
 discourse, while Peregrine, stepping out into the 
 yard, by the talent of mimicry, which he possessed* 
 in a surpri^ng degree, counterfeited a dialogue 
 between the curate and Tunley's wife. This reach- 
 ing the ears of the publican, for whose hearing it 
 was calculated, inflamed his naturally jealous dis- 
 position to such a degree, that he could not con- 
 ceal hLs emotion, but made an hundred eflbrts to 
 quit the room ; while the lieutenant, smoking his 
 pipe with great gravity, as if he neither heard 
 what passed, nor took notice of the landlord's dis-
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. g07 
 
 order, dctaiiial him oh the spot by a succession of 
 questions which he could not refuse to answer, 
 though he stood sweatin*^ with agony all the time, 
 stretching his neck every imtant towards the win- 
 dow tlirough which the voices were conveyed, 
 scratching his head, and exhibiting sundry other 
 sympti^ s of impatience and agitation. At length, 
 tlie supposed conversation came to such a pitch 
 of amorous complaisance, that the husband, quite 
 frantic with his imaginary disgrace, rushed out 
 at the door crying, ' coming, sir.' But, as he 
 was obliged to make a circuit round one half of 
 the house, Peregrine had got in by the window 
 before Tunley arrived in the yard. 
 
 According to the feigned intelligence he had 
 received, he ran directly to the barn, in expecta- 
 tion of taking some very extraordinary discovery ; 
 and having employed some miuutes in rummag- 
 ing the straw to no purpose, returned in a state of 
 distraction to the kitchen, just as his wife chanced 
 to enter at the other door. The circumstance of 
 her appearance confirmed him in the opinion that 
 the deed was done. As the disease of being hen- 
 pecked w as epidemic in the parish, he durst not 
 express the least hint of his uneasiness to her, but 
 resolved to take vengeance on the libidinous priest, 
 who, he imagined, had corrupted the chastity of 
 his spouse. 
 
 The two confederates in order to be certified 
 that their scheme had taken efl'ect, as well as to 
 blow up the flame which they had kindled, called 
 for Tunlcy, in whose cou ntenance they could easi- 
 ly discern his confusion* Peregrine, desiring him 
 to sTfSbwn and drink a glass with them, began to 
 interrogate him about his family, and, among 
 other things asked him how long he had been 
 married to that handsome wife ! This question, 
 which was put with an arch significance of look.
 
 209 THE ADVENTtTRES OP 
 
 alarmed the publican, who began to fear that 
 Pickle had overheard his dishonour; and this 
 suspicion was not at all removed, when the lieu- 
 tenant, with a sly regard, pronounced, ' Tunley, 
 wan't you noosed by the curate ?' ' Yes, I was,' 
 replied the landlord, with an eagerness and per- 
 plexity of tone, as if he thought the lieutenant 
 knew that therehy hung a tale; and Hatch- 
 %vay supported this suspicion, by answering, 
 ' nay, as for that matter, the curate may be 
 a very siiflBcient man in his way.' This tran- 
 sition from his wife to the curate, convinced him 
 that his shame was known to his guests; and, in 
 the transport of his indignation, he pronounced 
 with great emphasis, ' a sufficient man ! odds 
 lieart ! I believe thcj' are wolves in sheep's cloth- 
 ing. 1 wish to God I could sec the day, master, 
 when there shall not Ije a priest, an exciseman, or 
 a customhouse officer in this kingdom. As for that 
 fellow of a curate, if I do catch him it don't sig- 
 nify talking but, by the Lord ! ^gentlemen, my 
 service to you.' 
 
 The associates Joeing satisfied, by these abrupf 
 insinuations, that they had so far succeeded in their 
 aim, waited with impatience two or three days, in* 
 expectation of hearing that Tunley had fallen up- 
 on some method of being revengetl for this ima- 
 ginary wrong : but finding that either his inven- 
 tion Avas too shallow, or his inclination too lan- 
 guid, to gratify their desire of his own accord, 
 they determined to bring the affair to such a crisis, 
 that he should not be able to withstand the oppor- 
 tunity of executing his vengeance. With this 
 view they one evening hired a boy to run to JMr. 
 Pickle's house, and tell the curate, that Mrs. Tun- 
 ley being taken suddenly ill, her husband desired 
 he would come immediately, and pray with her. 
 Meanwhile, they had taken possession of a room in
 
 rERECniNE PICKLE. 209 
 
 the house ; and Hatchway engau^in^ the landlord 
 in roinorsation, Porctjrinc, in liis return from the 
 yard, observed, as it' by accident, that the parson 
 \vas o-onc into the kitchen, in order, as he suppos- 
 ed, to catec^hise Tnnley's wite. 
 
 The ])ublican started at this intelliij^ence, and, 
 iHider j)retence of servinc^ another company in the 
 next room, went out to the barn, where arming 
 iiimseif with a flail, he repaired to a lane through 
 Mhi(;h the curate was under a necessity of pass- 
 ing in liis way home. Tliere he lay in ambush, 
 with fell intent ; and, when the supposed author of 
 his shame arrived, greeted him in the dark with 
 sucli a salutation as forced him to stagger back- 
 ward three paces at least. If the second applica- 
 tion had taken eflbct, in all probabihty that spot 
 would have been the boundary of the parson's 
 mortal peregrination ; but, luckily for him, his an- 
 tagonist was not expert in the management of his 
 weapon, which, by a t\V<it of the thong that con- 
 nected the h^gs, instead of pitching upou the head 
 of the astonished curate, descended in an oblique 
 direction on his own i)ate, with such a swing, 
 that the skull actually rung like an apothecary's 
 mortar, and ten thousand lights seemed to dance 
 before his eyes. The curate recollecting himself 
 during the respite he obtained from this accident, 
 and believing his aggressor to be some thief who 
 linked in that place tor prey, resolved to make a 
 running tight, until he should arrive within cry 
 of his habitation. With this design he raised up 
 his cudgel for the defence of his head, and, be- 
 taking himself to his heels, began to roar for help 
 uith the lungs of a Stentor. Timley, throwing 
 away the flail, which he durst no longer trust with 
 the execution of his revenge, pursued the fugitive 
 with all the speed he could exert; and the other, 
 cither unnerved by fear, or stumbling over a stone,
 
 210 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 was overtaken before lie had run an hundred paces. 
 He no sooner felt the wind of the publican's list 
 that whistled round his ears, than he fell flat upon 
 the earth at full length, and the cudgel flew from 
 his unclasping hand ; when Tunley, springing 
 like a tiger upon his back, rained such a shower 
 of blows upon his carcase, that he imagined him- 
 self under the discipline of ten pair of fists at least ; 
 yet the imaginary cuckold, not satisfied with an- 
 noying the priest in this manner, laid hold on one 
 of his ears with his teeth, and bit so unmercifully, 
 that the curate was found almost entrancai with 
 pain by two labourers, at whose approach the as- 
 sailant retreated unperccivcd. 
 
 The lieutenant had posted himself at the win- 
 dow, in order to see the landlord at his first re- 
 turn ; and no sooner perceived him enter the yard, 
 than he called him into the apartment, impatient 
 to learn the effects of their stratagem. Tunley 
 obeyed the summons, and appeared before his 
 guests in all the violence of rage, disorder, and fa- 
 tigue ; his nostrils were dilated more than one half 
 beyond their natural capacity, his eyes rolled, his 
 teeth chattered, he snored in breathing as if he had 
 been oppressed by the night-mare, and streams of 
 sweat flowed down each side of his forehead. 
 
 Peregrine, afiecting to start at the approach of 
 such an uncouth figure, asked if he had been 
 wrestling with a spirit? upon which he answered, 
 with great vehemence, ' spirit ! no, no, master, 
 I have had a roll and tumble with the flesh. A 
 dog ! I'll teach him to come a-caterwauling about 
 my doors.' Guessing from this reply that his 
 aim was accomplished, and curious to know the 
 particulars of the rencounter,^' well then,' said 
 the youth, ' I hope you have prevailed against the 
 flesh, Tunley.' * Yes, yes,' answered the publican, 
 ' I have cooled his capissens, as the saying is : I
 
 rKMEGRINE PICKLE. 211 
 
 have played such a tune about his ears, that I'll 
 be bound he shan't long for music this month. A 
 goatish rani-f'aced rascal! Why, he's a perfect 
 parish l)ull, as I hope to live.' 
 
 Hatchway, observing; that he seemed to liave 
 made a stout battle, desired that he would sit dowu 
 and recover wind ; and, after he had swallowed a 
 brace of bumpers, his vanity prompted him to 
 expatiate upon his own exploit in such a manner, 
 (hat tlie confederates, without seeming to know 
 the curate was his antagonist, became acquainted 
 Midi every circumstance of the ambuscade. 
 
 Tunley had scarce got the better of his agitation, 
 when his wife, entering the room, told them bj 
 way of news, that some waggish body had sent 
 Mr. Sackbut the curate to pray with her. This 
 name inflamed the husband s choler anew ; and, 
 Ibrgelting all his complaisance for his spouse, he 
 replied, with a rancorous grin, ' add rabbit him ! 
 1 doubt not but you found his admonitions deadly 
 comfortable!' The landlady looking at her vassal 
 with a sovereign aspect, ' what crotchets,' said 
 she, ' have you got in your fool's head, 1 trow ? 
 I know no business you have to sit here like a gen- 
 tk^maii with your arms akimbo, when there's an- 
 other company in the house to be served.' The 
 submissive husband took the hint, and, without 
 further expostulation, sneaked out of the room. 
 
 Next day it was rejjorted, that Mr. Sackbut 
 had been way-laid, and almost murdered by rob- 
 bers, and an advertisement was pasted upon the 
 church-door, oflering a reward to any person that 
 should discover the assassin ; but he reiiped no sa- 
 tisfaction from this expedient, and was confined to 
 his chamber a whole fortnight by the bruises he 
 had received.
 
 212 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 Mr. Sacklut and hu pupil conspire against Perepine, 
 who being apprised of their d.sign ly his sister^ takes 
 measuresjor counterworking their stheme,which is exe- 
 cuted ly mistake' upon Mr. Gauntlet. . . . I his young 
 soldie' meets with a cordial reception from the commo- 
 dore^ who generously decoys him ino his own interest. 
 
 When he considered the circumstances of the am- 
 buscade, he could not persuade himself that he 
 Jiad been asisaulted by a common thief, because it 
 was not to be supposed that a robIx?r would have 
 amused himself in iM)mmeling rather than in rifl- 
 ing his prey: he therefore ascribed his misfortune 
 to the secret enmity of some person who had a de- 
 sign upon his life ; and, upon mature deliberation, 
 fixed his suspicion upon Peregrine, who was the 
 only man on earth from whom he thought he deserv- 
 ed such treatment. T te communicated his conjectur e 
 to his pupil, who readily adopted his opmion, and 
 advised him strenuously to revenge the wrong by 
 a like contrivance, without seeking to make a nar- 
 rower inquiry, lest his enemy should be thereby 
 ^ut upon his guard. 
 
 This proposal being relished, they in concert re- 
 ^ Yolved the means of retorting the ambush with in- 
 terest, and actually laid such a villanous plan for 
 attacking our hero in the dark, that, had it been 
 executed according to their intention, the young 
 gentleman's scheme of travelling would have been 
 effectually marred. But their machinations were 
 overheard by Miss Pickle, who was now in the 
 fieventeenth year of her age, and, in spite of the 
 jirejudice of education, entertained in secret a most 
 sisterly allection for her brother Perry, -though she 
 had never spoke to hun, and was deterred by the
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 113 
 
 j)reccpts, vigilance, and menaces, of her mother, 
 Irom attempting anj means of meeting him in pri- 
 vate. She Mas not, however, insensible to his 
 j)raise, which was loudly sounded forth in the 
 neighbourhood, and never failed of going to 
 church, and every other place, where she thought 
 she might have an opportunity of seeing this ami- 
 able brother. With these sentiments it cannot be 
 supposed that she would hear the conspiracy with- 
 out emotion. She was shocked at the treacherous 
 barbarity of Gam, and shuddered at the prospect 
 of the danger to which Peregrine would be expos- 
 ed from their malice. She durst not communicate 
 this })lot to her mother, because she was afraid 
 that lady's unaccountable aversion for her first- 
 born would hinder her from interposing in his be- 
 half, and consequently render her a sort of accom- 
 plice in the guilt of his assassins. She therefore 
 resolved to warn Peregrine of the conspiracy, an 
 account of which she transmitted to him in an af- 
 fectionate letter, by means of a young gentleman 
 in that neighbourhood, who made his addresses 
 to her at tliat time, and avIio, at her request, offer- 
 ed his service to our hero, in defeating the pro- 
 jects of his adversaries. 
 
 Peregrine Avas startled when he read the parti- 
 culars of their scheme, which was no other than 
 an intention to sally upon him when he should be 
 altogether unprovided against such an attack, cut 
 off his ears, and otherwise mutilate him in such a 
 manner, that he should have no cause to be vain 
 of his person tor the future. 
 
 Incensed as he was against the brutal disposition 
 of his own father's son, he could not help being 
 moved at the integrity and tenderness of his sister, 
 of whose inclinations towards hiiu he had been 
 hitherto kept in ignorance. He thanked the gen- 
 tleman for his honourable dealing, and expressed
 
 114 THE ADYENTURES OF 
 
 a desire of being better acquainted with his vir- 
 tues ; told him, that, now he was cautioned, he 
 hoped there would be no necessity for giving him 
 any further trouble ; and wrote by him a letter of 
 acknowledgment to his sister, for whom he ex- 
 pressed the utmost love and regard, beseeching her 
 to favour him with an interview before his depart- 
 ure, that he might indulge his fraternal fondness, 
 and be blessed with the company and countenance 
 of one at least belonging to his own family. 
 
 Having imparted this discovery to his friend 
 Hatchway, they came to a resolution of coimter- 
 ming the plan of their enemies. As they did not 
 choose to expose themselves to the insinuations of 
 slander, which would have exerted itself at their 
 expence, had they, even in defending themselves, 
 employed any harsh means of retaliation, they in- 
 vented a method of disappointing and disgracing 
 their foes, and immediately set Pipes at work to 
 forward the preparations. 
 
 Miss Pickle having described the spot which the 
 assassins had pitched upon for the scene of their 
 vengeance, our triumvirate intended to have plac- 
 ed a centinel among the corn, who should come 
 and give them intelligence when the ambuscade 
 was laid ; and, in consequence of tliat information, 
 they would steal softly towards the place, attended 
 by three or four of the domestics, and draw a 
 large net over the conspirators, who, being en- 
 *" tangled in the toil, should be disarmed, fetFered, 
 heartily scourged, and suspended bet^veen two trees 
 in the snare, as a spectacle to all passengers that 
 should chance to travel that waj^ 
 
 The plan being thus digested, and the commo- 
 dore made acquainted with the whole affair, the 
 spy was sent upon duty, and every body within 
 doors prepared to go forth upon the first notice. 
 One whole evening did they spend in the most im-
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 115 
 
 patient expectation ; but, on the second, the scout 
 (;rej)t into the garrison, and assured them, that he 
 had perceived t h rec men skulking behind the hedge, 
 on the road that led to the public house, from which 
 Peregrine and the lieutenant used every night to 
 return about that hour. Upon this intelligence, 
 the conlederates set out immediately, with all their 
 implements. Approaching the scene with as little 
 noise as possible, they heard the sound of blows : 
 and, though the night was dark, jierceived a sort 
 of tumultuous contlict on the very spot which the 
 conspirators had possessed. Surprised at this oc- 
 currence, the meaning of which he could not com- 
 prehend. Peregrine ordered his myrmidons to lialt 
 and reconnoitre ; and immediately his ears were 
 saluted with an exclamation of ' you shan't 'scape 
 me, rascal.' The voice being quite familiar to 
 to him, he all at once divined the cause of that 
 confusion which they had observed ; and running 
 up to the assistance of the exclaimer, found a fel- 
 low on his knees begging his life of Mr. Gauntlet, 
 who stood over him with a naked hanger in his 
 hand. 
 
 Pickle instantly made himself known to his 
 friend, who told him, that, having left his horse at 
 Tunley's, he was, in his way to the garrison, set 
 upon by three ruffians, one of whom being the very 
 individual person now in his power, had come be- 
 hind him, and struck with a bludgeon at his head, 
 which, however, he missed, and the instrument 
 descended on his left shoulder ; that, upon draw- 
 ing his hanger, and laying about him in the dark, 
 the other two fled, leaving their companion, whom 
 he had disabled, in the lurch. 
 
 Peregrine congratulated him upon his safety, 
 and having ordered Pipes to secure the prisoner, 
 conducted Mr. Gauntlet to the garrison, where he 
 met with a very hearty reception from the com-
 
 216 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 modore, to whom be was introduced as his ne- 
 plicAv's intimate friend ; not but that, in all likeli- 
 hood, he would have abated somewhat of his hos- 
 pitality, had he known that he was the brother of 
 Perry's mistress ; but her name the old gentleman 
 had never tliought of asking, when he inquired in- 
 to the particulars of his godson's amour. 
 
 The captive being examined, in presence of 
 Trunnion and all his adherents, touching the am- 
 buscade, owned, that, being in the service of Gam 
 Pickle, he had been prevailed upon, by the soli- 
 citations of his master and the curate, to accom- 
 pany them in their expedition, and undertake tiic 
 part which he had acted against the stranger, 
 whom he and his employers mistook for Peregrine. 
 In consideration of this frank acknowledgment, 
 and a severe wound he had received in his right 
 arm, they resolved to inflict no other punishment 
 on this malefactor, than to detain him all night 
 in the garrison, and next morning carry him be- 
 fore a justice of the peace, to whom he repeated 
 all that he had said over night, and, with his own 
 hand, subscribed his confession, copies of v.hich 
 were handed about the neighbourhood, to the un- 
 speakable confusioii and disgrace of the curate and 
 his promising pupil. 
 
 iVIeanwJiile Trunnion treated the young soldier 
 with uncommon nj^arks of respect, Ix^ing i)repo.s- 
 sessed in his favour 0J^ this adventure, which lie 
 had so gallantly achieved, as well as by the enco- 
 miums that Peregriuft bestowed upon his valour 
 and generosity. He liked his countenance , which 
 was bold and hardy, admired his llerculean limbs, 
 and delighted in asking questions concerning the 
 service he had seen. 
 
 The day after his arrival, while the conversation 
 turned on this last subject, the commodore, taking 
 the pipe, out of his mouth, * Til tell you what,
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 217 
 
 broilier,' said he, ' fivc-and-forty years ago, when 
 I was third lieutenant of the Warwick man of war, 
 tliorc was a very stout youn<? fellow on-board, a 
 subaltern ollicer of marines ; his name was not un- 
 like your own, d'ye see, being Guntlet, with a G. 
 1 remember he and I could not abide one another 
 at first, because, d'ye see, I was a sailor and he a 
 landman, till we fell in with a Frenchman, whom 
 we engaged for eight glasses, and at length board- 
 ed and (ook. I was the first man that stood on the 
 enemy's deck, and should have come scurvily off, 
 d'ye see, if Guntlet had not jumped to my assist-, 
 ance; but we soon cleared ship, and drove them 
 to close quarters, so that they were obliged to 
 strike; and from that day Gauntlet and 1 were 
 K\\ orn brothers as long as he remained on-board. 
 lie was exchanged into a marching regiment, and 
 what became of him afterwards, Lord in heaven 
 knows ; but this I'll say of him, whether he be 
 (lead or alive, he feared no man that ever wore a 
 head, and was, moreover, a very hearty messmate.' 
 
 The stranger's breast glowed at this eulogium, 
 Avhich Avas no sooner pronounced, than he eagerly 
 asked if the French ship was not the Diligence? 
 the commodore replied with a stare, ' the very 
 same, my lad.' * Then,' said Gauntlet, ' the per- 
 son of whom you are pleased to make such honour- 
 able mention was my own father.' ' The devil 
 he was !' (cried Trunnion, shaking him by tlie 
 hand), ' I am rejoiced to see a son of Ned Gunt- 
 let in my house.' 
 
 This discovery introduced a thousand questions, 
 in the course of which the old gentleman learnt 
 the situation of his friend's family, and discharged 
 iunumprable execrations upon the ingratitude and 
 injustice of the ministry, which had failed to pro- 
 vide for the son of such a brare soldier. Nor was 
 iiis friendship confined to such ineffectual cxpres- 
 
 Vol. I. K
 
 S18 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 sions ; be that same evening signified to Peregrine 
 a desire of doing something for his friend. Thi?! 
 inclination was so much praised, encouraged, and 
 promoted, by his gwlsori, and even supported by 
 his counsellor Jlatchwaj', that our hero was era- 
 j^owered to present him with a sum of money suf- 
 iicient to purchase a commission. 
 
 Though nothing coukl be more agreeable to 
 Pickle than this permission, he was afraid that 
 Godfrey's scrupulous disposition would hinder him 
 from subjecting himself to any such obligation ; 
 and therefore proposed that he should be decoyed 
 into his own interest by a feigned story, in conse- 
 quence of which he would be prevailed upon to 
 accept of the money, as a debt w Iiich the commo- 
 dore had contracted of his father at sea. Trun- 
 nion made wry faces at this expedient, the neces- 
 sity of which he could not conceive, without call- 
 ing in question the common sense of Gauntlet, as 
 lie took it for granted, that such oifers as those were 
 not to be rejecte<l on any consideration whatever. 
 Besides, he could not digest an artifice, by which 
 he himself must oAvn that he had lived so many 
 years, without manifesting the least intention of 
 doing justice to his creditor. All these objections, 
 however, vW ere removed by the zeal and rhetoric of 
 Peregrine, Avho represented that it would be im- 
 possible to befriend him on any other terms ; that 
 his silence hitherto would be imputed to his want 
 of information, touching the circumstances and 
 condition of his friend ; and that his remembering 
 and insisting upon discharging the obligation, after 
 such an interval of time, when the whole affair was 
 in oblivion, woufd be the greatest compliment he 
 couid pay to his own honour and integritj-. 
 
 Thus persuaded, he took an opportunity of 
 Gauntlet's bemg alone with him to broacli the af- 
 fair, telling the young man, that his father had ad-
 
 PEREC RIXE PICKLE. 219 
 
 vancod a sum of monoy for liini, when thcj sailed 
 t()<;dlu'r, on account of the mess, as well as to stop 
 tlic mouth of a clamorous creditor at Portsmouth; 
 and (hat the said sum, with interest, amounted to 
 about four hundred pounds, which he would now, 
 with great thankfulness, repay. 
 
 Godfrey was amazed at this declaration, and, 
 atler a considerable pause, replied, tliat he had 
 never heard his parents mention any such debt ; 
 that no memorandum or voucher of it was found 
 among his father's papers; and, that in all pro- 
 bability, it must have been discharged long ago, 
 although the commodore, in such a long course of 
 time, and hurry of occupation, might have forgot 
 the repayment : he theretbre desired to be excused 
 from accepting, what, in his own conscience, he 
 believed was not his due; and complimented the 
 old gentleman upon his being so scrupulously just 
 and honourable. 
 
 The soldier's refusal, which was matter of as- 
 tonishment to Trunnion, increased his inclination 
 to assist him ; and, on pretence of acquitting his 
 own character, he urged his beneficence with such 
 obstinacy, that Gauntlet, afraid of disobliging him, 
 was in a manner compelled to receive a draught 
 for the money, for which he subscribed an ample~ 
 discharge, and immediately transmitted the ordtjr 
 to his mother, whom, at the same time, he inform- 
 ed of the circumstances by which <hey had so un- 
 expectedly gained this accession of fortune. 
 
 Such a piece of news could not fail of being 
 agreeable to Mrs. Gauntlet, who, by the first post, 
 wrote a polite letter of acknowledgment to the com- 
 modore, another to her own son, importing, that 
 she had already sent the draught to a friend in 
 London, with directions to deposit it in the hands 
 of a certain banker, for the purchase of the iirst 
 ensigncy to \)e sold; and she took the liberty f 
 
 K2
 
 220 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 sending a third to Peregrine, couched in very af- 
 fectionate terms, with a kind postscript, signed by 
 Miss Sophy and his channing EmiUa. 
 
 Tliis afiair being transacted to the satisfaction 
 of all concerned, preparations A^ere set on foot for 
 tlie departure of our hero, on whom his uncle 
 settled an annuity of eight hundred pounds, being 
 little less than one half of his whole income. By 
 this time indeed the old gentleman could easily 
 afford to alienate such a part of his fortune, be- 
 cause he entertained little or no company, kept 
 few servants, and was remarkably plain and fru- 
 gal in Im house-keeping ; Mrs. Trunnion being 
 now some years on the wrong side of tifty, her in- 
 firmities began to increase ; and though her pride 
 had suffered no diminution, her vanity was alto- 
 ther subdued by her avarice. 
 
 A Swiss valet de chambre, who liad already 
 made the tour of Europe, was hiretf for the care 
 of Peregrine's own person ; Pipes being ignorant 
 of the French language, as well as otherwise unfit 
 for the office of a fashionable attendant, it was re- 
 solved that he should remain in garrison ; and his 
 place was immediately supplied by a Parisian lac- 
 quey engaged at Lond(m for that purpose. Pipes 
 did not seem to relish this disposition of tilings ; 
 and though he made no verbal objections to it, 
 looked remarkably sour at his successor upon his 
 first arrival ; but this sullen fit seemed gradually 
 to wear off; and, long before his master's depart- 
 ure, he had recovered his natural tranquillity and 
 unconcern.
 
 rEREGllINE PICKLE. 221 
 
 CHAPTER XXXI. 
 
 The two young gentlemen display their talents for gal- 
 lantry, in the course of which they are involved in a 
 ludicrous circumstance of disti'ess, and afterwards 
 take vengeance on the author of their ?nishap. 
 
 JMranaviiile our hero and his new friend, to- 
 gvlher with lioncst Jack Hatchway, made daily 
 excursions into the country, visited the gentlemen 
 in the neighbourhood, and frequently accompani- 
 ed them to the chase ; all three being exceeding- 
 ly caressed on account of their talents, which could 
 accommodate themselves with great facility to the 
 tempers and turns of their entertainers. The lieu- 
 tenant was a droll in his way. Peregrine possessed 
 a great fund of sprightlincss and good humour, 
 and Godfrey, among his other qualifications, al- 
 ready recited, sung a most exc(;llent song ; so that 
 the company of this triumvirate was courted in all 
 parties, whether male or female; and if the hearts 
 of our young gentlemen had not been pre-engag- 
 ed "they woidd have met with opportunities in 
 abundance of displaying their address in the art 
 of love ; not but that they gave loose to their gal- 
 lantry without much interesting their affections, 
 and amused then)selves with little intrigues, which, 
 in the opinion of a man of pleasure, do not affect 
 his fidelity to the acknowledged sovereign of his 
 sold. 
 
 In the midst of these amusements, our hero re- 
 ceived an intimation from his sister, that she should 
 be overjoyed to meet him next day, at five o'clock 
 in tlie afternoon, at the house of her nurse, who 
 lived in a cottage hard by her father's habitation, 
 she being debarred from all opportunity of seeing 
 
 K3
 
 222 THE adtentuhes of 
 
 hira in any other place by the severity of her mo- 
 ther, A^lio suspectetl her inclination. 
 
 He accordingly obeyed the summons, and went 
 at the time appointed to the place of rendezvous, 
 where he met this affectionate long lady, who, 
 when he entered the room, ran towards hhn with 
 all the eagerness of transport, flinig her arms about 
 his neck, and shed a flood of tears in his bosom 
 before she could utter one Avord, exjcept a repetition 
 of my dear dear brother ! lie embraced her with 
 all the piety of fraternal tenderness, wept over her 
 in his turn, assured her that this was one of the 
 happiest moments of his life, and kindly thanked 
 her lor having resisted the example and disobeyed 
 the injunctions of his mother's unnatural aversion. 
 
 He vras ravished to find by her conversation, 
 that she possessed a great share of sensibility and 
 prudent reflection ; for she lamented the infatua- 
 tion of her parents with the most filial regret, and 
 pxTiiesc^'l such abh'^'"''"'^'^" o^^i ^oi/-r>-n at flm vii, 
 
 lanous disposition of her younger brother, as a hu- 
 mane sister maybe supposed io have entertained. 
 He made her acquainted with all the circumstances 
 of ins own fortune ; and, as he supposed she spent 
 her time very disagreeably at home, among cha- 
 racters which mii^t be shockingly dislresshig, ])ro-^ 
 fes-sed a desire of removing her into some other 
 sphere, where she could live with mare tranquillity 
 and satisfaction. 
 
 She objected to lliis proposal, as an expedient 
 that would infallibly subject her to the implacable 
 resentment of her mother, whose favour and atfec- 
 tion she at present enjoyed l)ut in a very inconsi- 
 d.'rable degree; and they had canvas.sed divers 
 sdiemes of corresponding for the futire, when the 
 voice of Mrs. Pickle was heard at the door. 
 
 Miss Jidia (tliat was the young lady's nanxe) 
 finding herself betrayed, was seizccl with a violeut
 
 PLllEGRINE TICKLE. 223 
 
 aij^itation of fear, and Peregrine scarce had time (o 
 encourage her wiih a promise of protection, before 
 the door of tlic apartment being flung open, this 
 i) reconcilable parent rushed in, and, with a fu- 
 rious asjiect, flew directly at her trembling daugli- 
 tcr, when the son interposing, received the first 
 discharge of her furj. 
 
 Her eyes jjleamed with all tlie rafjc of indijrna- 
 tion, which choaked up her ut<erance, and seem- 
 ed to convulse her whole frame; she twisted her 
 loft hand in his hair, and with the other bull'etted 
 liim about the face till the blood gushed from his 
 nostrils and mouth ; while he defended his sister 
 from the cruelty of Gam, Avho assaulted her from 
 another quarter^ seeing his brother engaged. Tliis 
 attack lasted several minutes with great violence, 
 till at length Peregrine finding himself in danger 
 of being overpowered, if he should remain any 
 longer on the defensive, laid his brother on his 
 back; then he disentangled his mother's hand 
 from his own liair, and^ having pushed her gently 
 out of the room, bolted the door on the inside ; 
 fiiuilly, turning to Gam, he threw him out at the 
 Avimlow, among a parcel of hogs that fed under 
 it. By this time Julia was almost ciuite distracted 
 with terror : she knew she had ofiended beyonU 
 all hope of forgiveness, and from that moment con- 
 sidered herself as an exile from her father's house. 
 In vain did her brother strive to console her witli 
 fresli protestations of love and protection ; slie 
 counted herself extremely miserable in being ob- 
 liged to endure the eternal resentment of a parent 
 with whom she had hitherto lived, and dreaded the 
 censure of the world, which, from her mother's 
 misrepresentation, slie was sensible would condemn 
 her imluard. That she might not, however, ne- 
 glect any means in her power of averting tliis storm, 
 she resolved to u])pease, if possible, her luothei's
 
 1^24 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 \vrath Avitli Iiumiliation, antl even appeal to tlie 
 influence of Jier father, weak as it was, before slie 
 Avould dejtpair of licijig forg-iven. But the good 
 lady spared her this unnecessary application, by 
 telling her, through the key-hole, that slie must 
 never expect to come within her father's door 
 again ; for from that hour she renounced her as 
 unworthy of her aftection and regard. Julia, 
 weeping bitterly, endeaAoured to soften the rigour 
 of this sentence, by the most submissive and rea- 
 sonable remonstrances ; but as in her vindication 
 she of necessity espoused her elder brother's cause, 
 her endeavours, instead of soothing, served only 
 to exasperate lier mother to an higher pilch of iti- 
 dignation, which discharged itself in invectives 
 against Peregrine, whom she reviled with the epi- 
 thets of a w orthless abandoned reprobate. > 
 
 The youth, hearing these unjust aspersions, 
 trembled with resentment tlirougli every limb, as- 
 suring the upbraider that he considered her as an 
 object of compassion ; ' for, without all doubt,' 
 aid he, ' your diabolical rancour must be severe- 
 ly punished by the thorns of your own conscience, 
 which this very instant faxes you with the malice 
 and falsehood of your reproaclies. As for my sis- 
 ter, I bless God that you have not l)een able to in- 
 fect her with your unnatural prejudice, which, 
 because j>he is too just, too virtuous, too humane 
 to imbibe, you reject her as an alien to your blood, 
 and turn her out unprovided into a barbarous 
 world. But even (here your vitious purpose shall 
 be defeated ; that same provideuce that screened 
 me from the cruelty of your hate shall extend its 
 protection to her, until 1 shall find it convenient 
 to assert by law that right of maintenance which 
 nature, it seems, luilh bestowed u])on us in vain. 
 In the meantime, you will enjoy the satisfaction 
 of paying an undivi^cc,]! it(^nium to that darling
 
 PEREGIIINE PICKLE. 225 
 
 son, AvliosG amiable qualities have so long engaged 
 and engrossed your love and esteem.' 
 
 This freedom of expostulation exalted his mo- 
 ther's ire to mere frenzy ; she cursed him with the 
 bitterest imprecations, and raved like a bedlamite 
 at the door, which she attem[)ted to burst open^ 
 Ifer elForts v/erc seconded by her favourite son, 
 who denounced vengeance against Peregrine, made 
 furious assaults against the lock, which resisted all 
 their applications, until our hero espying his 
 friends Gauntlet and Pipes stepping over a stile 
 that stood about a furlong from the window, call- 
 ed them to his assistance ; giving them to under- 
 stand how he was besieged, he desired they would 
 keep off his mother, that he might the more easily 
 secure his sister Julia's retreat. The young soldier 
 entered accordingly, and, posting himself between 
 Mrs. Pickle and the door, ga\e the signal to his 
 friend, who, lifting up his sister in his arms, car- 
 ried her safe without the clutches of this she-dragon, 
 "\vhile Pipes, with his cudgel, kept young master 
 at bay. 
 
 TJie mother being thus derj^rived of her prey, 
 s})rung upon Gauntlet like a lioness robbed of her 
 , wJielps, and he must have suffered sorely in the 
 flesh, had he not prevented her mischiqvous intent 
 by seizing both her wrists, and so keeping her at 
 due distance. In attempting to disengfige herself 
 from his grasp, she struggled with such exertion', 
 jnid suffered such agony of passion at the same 
 time, that she actually fell into a severe fit, during 
 which she was put to bed, and the confederates re- 
 tired without further molestation. 
 
 In the meantime, Peregrine was not a little per- 
 plexed about the disposal of his sister, w hom he had 
 rescued. He could not endure the thoughts of 
 saddling the commodore with a new expence : and. 
 he was afraid of undertakini' the charge of Julia,
 
 226 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 without his benefactor's adx'ice and direction ; for 
 the present, however, he carried her to tlie house 
 of a gentleman in Hie neighbourhood, whose lady 
 was her godinotlier, wliere she was received willi 
 great tenderness and condolence ; and he purpos- 
 ed to inquire for some creditable house, w here she 
 might be genteelly boarded in his absence, resolv- 
 ing to maintain her from the savings of his own 
 allowance, which he thought might very well bear 
 such deduction. But this intention was frustrat- 
 ed by tlie publication of the whole aflhir, which 
 was divulged next day, and soon reached the ears 
 of Trumiion, who chid his godson for having con- 
 cealed th(i adventure ; and,, with the apprdjation 
 of his wife, ordered him to bring Julia forthwith 
 to the garrison. The young gentleman, with tears, 
 of gratitude in his eyes, explained his design ot^ 
 maintaining her at his own expcnce* and earnest- 
 ly bc^gged that he might not be deprived of that 
 satisfaction. l>ut his uncle was deaf to all his en- 
 treaties, and insisted upon her living in the gar- 
 rison, though for no other reason than that of be- 
 ing company to her aunt, ^vho, he observed, was^ 
 lost for want of con versa tiou. 
 
 Julia was accordingly brought home, and settl-- 
 ed under t^.'j tuitiim of Mrs. Tnuuiion, w ho, what- 
 ever face she might put on the matter, could have 
 dispensed with the society of her niece ; though 
 she was not without hope of gratifying her pique- 
 to Mrs. Pickle, by the intelligence she would re- 
 ceive from the daughter of that lady's economy 
 and domestic behaviour. The mcilher herself seem- 
 ed conscious of this ad vantage which her sister-in- 
 law had now gained over her, being as much cha- 
 grined at the news of Julia's reception in the gar- 
 rison, as if she had heard of lier own husband's, 
 death. She even tortured her invention to propa- 
 gate calumnies against the reputation of her o\\u
 
 PEHEGRINE PICKLE. Q27 
 
 dau^ljter, wliom she slandered in all companies ; 
 slie exclaimed as^ainst the commodore as an old 
 riilliaii, who spirited up a rebellion among her 
 chiidren, and imputed the hospitalKy of his witi', 
 in countenancing them, to noliiing else but her in- 
 veterate enmity to their mother, whom they l.uid 
 disobliged. She now insisted, in the most peremp- 
 tory terms, upon her husband's renouncing all com- 
 merce with tlie old lad of the castle and his adher- 
 ents ; and Mr. Gamaliel, having by this time 
 contracted other friendships, readily submitted to 
 }jer will, nay, even refused to communicate with 
 the commodore one night, when they happened 
 to meet by accident at the public house. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXII. 
 
 The commodore sends a challenge to Gamaliel^ and is im- 
 posed upon ly a waggish invention qfjk& lieutenant, 
 PeregrinCi and Gauntlet, 
 
 1 HIS affront Trunnion could by no means digest : 
 he advised with the lieutenant upon the subject j 
 and the result of their consultation was a detiance 
 which the old commander sent to Fickle, demand- 
 ing that he would jneet him at such a place on 
 horseljack with a brace of pistols, and give satis- 
 faction ibr the slight he had put upon him. 
 
 Nothing could have atfordcd more pleasure to 
 Jack than tlie acceptance of this challenge, which 
 he delivered verbally to Mr. Gamaliel, who was 
 called out from the club at Tunley's for that pur- 
 pose. The nature of this message had an instanN 
 aneous effect upon the constitution of the j)aci/ic 
 Pickle, whose! bowels j^earned with apprehension^ ^ | 
 and un{^ervvent such violent agitation on the spot^ 
 that one would have thought the operatioji pro-
 
 ^2S THE ADTEXTURES OF 
 
 ccedcHl from some severe joke of the apothecary, 
 uJiich he had swallowed in his beer. 
 
 TJic messenger, despairini^ of a satisfactory 
 answer, left Iiim in this Moeful condition ; and, 
 beini; loth to lose any opportunity of raisins^ the 
 laugji against the (commodore, went immediately 
 and communicated the whole afl'air to the young 
 gentlemen, entreating them, for the love of God, 
 to concert some means of bringing old Hannibal 
 into the field. The two friends relished the pro- 
 j)osal, and, after some deliberation, it was resohed 
 that Hatchway sliould tell Trunnion his invitation 
 was accepted by Gamaliel, who would meet him, 
 at the place appointed, with his second, to-morrow 
 in the t^\iIigllt, because, if either should fall, the 
 other would have the better chance for escaping 
 in the dark ; that Godfrey should personate old 
 Pickle's friend, and Peregrine represent his own 
 fatiier, while the lieutenant should take care, in 
 loading the pistols, to keep out the shot, so that 
 no damage might be done in the rencounter. 
 
 These circumstances being adjusted, the lieu- 
 tenant returned to his principal with a most thun- 
 dering reply froni his antagonist, whose courage- 
 ous behaviour, tliough it could not intimidate, did 
 not fail to astonish the commodore, who ascribed 
 it to the spirit of his wife, which had inspired 
 hira. Trunnion that instant desired his counsel- 
 lor to prepare his cartridge-box, and order the 
 quietest horse in the stable to be kept ready saddled 
 lor the occasion ; his eye seemed to lighten w ith 
 alacrity and pleasure at the prospect of smelling 
 
 funpowder once more before his death ; and when 
 ack advised him to make his will, in case of ac- 
 cident, he rejected his counsel with disdain, say- 
 ing, ' what ! dost think that Hawser Trunnion, 
 who has stood the fire of so many floating batteries, 
 ruiis any risk from the lousy pops of a landman I
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 229 
 
 thou slialt sec, thou shalt see how I shall make 
 him lower his topsails.' Next day Peregrine and 
 the soldier providetl themselves with horses at the 
 public house, from whence, at the destined hour, 
 they rode to the field of battle, each of Ihem being 
 muiiled in a great coat, which, with tlie dimness 
 of the light, eflectually sliicldcd them from the 
 kno^v ledge of tlie one-eyed commander, who hav- 
 ing taken horse, on pretence of enjoying the fresh 
 air, soon appeared with Hatchway in his rear. 
 When they came within sight of each other, the 
 seconds advanced, in order to divide the ground, 
 and regulate the measures of the combat ; when 
 it was determined, by mutual consent, that two 
 pistols should be discharged on each side, and 
 that, if neither should prove decisive, recourse 
 must be had to the broad swords, in order to as- 
 certain the victory. These articles being settled, 
 the opponents rode forward to their respective sta- 
 tions, when Peregrine, cocking his pistol, and pre- 
 senting, counterfeited his father's voice, bidding' 
 Trunnion take care of his remaining eye. The 
 commodore took Ids advice, being unwilling to 
 hazard his day-light, and very deliberately oppos- 
 ed the patched side of his face to the muzzle of his 
 antagonist's piece, desiring him to do his duty 
 without further jaw The young man according- 
 ly fired, and the distance being small, the wad of 
 his pistol took place Avith a smart stroke on the 
 forehead of Trunnion, who, mistaking it for a ball, 
 which he thought was lodged in his brain, spurred 
 up his steed in a state of desperation towards his 
 antagonist, and holding his piece within two yards 
 of his body, let it off, without any regard to the 
 laws of battle. Surprised and enraged to see it 
 had made no impression, he hallooed in a terrible 
 tone, ' O damn ye, you have got your netthig 
 stuflcd, I seej' and, advancing, discharged his
 
 SSO TiiE^ dvextuhes OP 
 
 second pistol so near Ills srodson's head, ihat, Jiad" 
 he not been defended by his great coat, the pow- 
 der must have scorched his face. Having thus 
 thrown away his tire, he remained at the mercy 
 of Peregrine, who, clapping the piecehe had in re- 
 serve to his head, commanded him to beg his life, 
 and ask pardon for his presumption. The com- 
 modore made no rep!y to tlris imperious injunc- 
 tion, but dropping his pistol, and unsheathing his 
 broad sword in an instant, attacked our hero with 
 such incredible agility, that, if he lad not made 
 sliift to ward off the stroke with hi,^ piece, the ad- 
 Venture, in all likelilKMxl, would have turned out 
 a very tragical jokt. Peregrine finding it would 
 be in vain for him to think of drawing his wea- 
 pon, or of standing on the defensive against this 
 furious aggressor, very fairly clap[3ed spurs to his 
 nag, and sought his safety in flight. Trunnion 
 pursued him with infinite eagerness, and ids steed 
 being the better of the two, would have overtaken 
 the fugitive to his peril, had he not been unfortu- 
 nately encountered by the boughs of a tree, that 
 happened to stand on his blind side, and incom- 
 moded him so much, tlKit hewas fain to quit his ~ 
 sword, and lay hold on the mane, in order to main- 
 tain his seat. Perry perceiving his disaster, w hail- 
 ed about, and now finding leisure to produce his - 
 weapon, returned upon his dLsarmcd ioe, brandish- 
 ing his ferrara, threatening to make him shorter 
 i*y the hciKl, if he wotdd not immediately crave 
 
 ?[uarter and yield. There was nothing farther 
 ifom the intention of the old gentleman than such 
 submission, wjiich be flatly refused to pay, alleg- 
 ing that he liad already compelled his enemy to 
 clap on all his sails, and that his own present mis- 
 fortune was owing to accident, all one as if a ship 
 should be attacked, after she had been obliged to 
 feeave her guns overboard in a storm.
 
 PEnKGRINE nCKLE. 931 
 
 Before Peregrine had time to answer this rc- 
 moiij)tnince, the lieutenant interposed, and, taking 
 cognizance of the case, established a truce, until 
 lie and the other second should discuss and decide 
 upon the merits of the cause. They accordingly 
 retired to a small distance, and, after having con- 
 ferred a few minutes, Hatcliway returned, and pro- 
 nounced the commodore vanquished by the cluince 
 of war. 
 
 Never was rage more transported than that 
 Avliich took possession of old Hannibal, when he 
 heard the sentence : it was some time before he 
 <()uld utter aught, except tlie reproachful expres- 
 sion, ?/ou lie ! which he repeateil more than twenty 
 times in a sort of delirious insensibility. VVlien he 
 recovered the further use of speech, he abused the 
 arbitrators m itli such bitter invectives, renouncing 
 their sentence, and appealing to another trial, that 
 the contederates began to repent of hav^ing carried 
 the joke so for ; and Peregrine, in order to appease 
 his choler, owned himself overcome. 
 
 This acknawledg-ment calmed the tumult of hi* 
 wrath, (liough he could not for some days forgive 
 the lieutenant ; and t!ie two young gentlemen rode 
 back to Tunley's, Avhile Hatchway, taking the 
 commodore's horse by the bridle, reconducted him 
 to his mansion, growling all the way to Jack for 
 his unjust and anfri(iKl!y decree ; though he could 
 not help observing, as how he had made his words 
 goo(^, iji making his adversary strike his topsails : 
 ' and yet,* said he, ' before God ! I think the 
 fellow's head is made of a Avool-pack ; for my shot 
 lebounded from his face like a wad of spun-yarn 
 from the side of a ship. But if so be that son of 
 a bitch of a tree hadn't come athwart my weather- 
 bow, d'ye see, I'll be damn'd if I hadn't snapt his 
 main-yard in the slings, and mayhap let out his 
 bidge- water into the bargain.' He seemed parti- 
 cularly vaiii of this exploit, which dwelt upon Ms
 
 232 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 imagination, and was cherished as the child of 
 his old age; for though he could not with decency 
 rehearse it to the young men and his wife at sup- 
 per, he gave shrewd hints of his own manhood, 
 even at these years, and attested Hatchway as a 
 voucher for his mettle ; while the triumvirate, di- 
 verted by his vanity, enjoyed in secret the success 
 of their imposition. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIII. 
 
 Peregrine takes his leave of his aunt and sister. . . . sets 
 out frovi the garrison. . . .parts with his uncle and 
 Hatchway on the road, and, with his governor^ ar- 
 rives in safety at Dover. 
 
 X iiis, however, was the last effort of invention 
 which they practised upon him ; and every thing 
 being now prepared for the departure of his god- 
 son, that hopeful youth in two days took leave of 
 all his friends in the neighbourhood. He was 
 closeted two whole hours with his aunt, who en- 
 riched him with many pious advices, recapitulat- 
 ed all the benefits which through her means had 
 been conferred upon him since his infancy, cau- 
 tioned him against the temptations of lewd women,, 
 who bring many a man to a morsel of bread ; laid 
 strict injunctions upon him to live in the fear of 
 the Lord and the true protestant faith, to eschew 
 quarrels and contentions, to treat ]\lr. Jolter ^vith. 
 reverence and regard, and, above all things, to 
 abstain from the beastly sin of drukenncss, which 
 exposed a man to the scorn and contempt of his 
 fcUow-creaturcs, and, by divesting him of reason 
 and reflection, rendered him fit for all manner of 
 vice and debauchery. She recommended to him 
 economy and the care of his health, bade him re- 
 member the honour of his family ; and, in all the
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 2S3 
 
 rircnni>;(anccs of his behaviour, assured him, that 
 he might always depeud upon the friendship and 
 generosity of the commodore. Finally, present- 
 ini^ him with her own picture set in gold, and a 
 hundred c^uineas from her privy purse, she em- 
 braced him affectionately, and wished him all 
 maimer of liappiness and prosperity. 
 
 Being; thus kindly dismissed by Airs. Trunnion, 
 he locked himself up with his sister Julia, Avhom 
 he admonished to cultivate her aunt witli the most 
 complaisant and respectful attention, without 
 stooping to any circumstance ol submission that 
 she slioidd judge unworthy of her practice ; he 
 protested, that his chief study should be to make 
 her amends for the privilege she had forfeited by 
 her aflection for him ; entreated her to enter into 
 no engagement w-itliout his knowledge and appro- 
 bation ; put into her hand the purse which he Iiad 
 received from his aunt, to defray her pocket ex- 
 pences in his absence, and parted from her, not 
 without tears, after she had for some minutes hung 
 about his neck, kissing him, and weeping in the 
 most pathetic silence. 
 
 Hiiving performed these duties of affection and 
 consauguinity over night, he went to bed, and 
 was, by his own direction, called at four o'clock 
 in the morning, when he found the post-chaise, 
 coach, and riding horses, ready at the gate, his 
 friends (iauntlct and Hatchway on foot, the com- 
 modore himself almost dressed, and every servant 
 in the garrison assembled in the yard to wish huu 
 a good journey. Our hero sliook each of these 
 humble IViends by tlie hand, tij:)ping them at the 
 same time with jjj^rks of his bounty ; and Avas 
 very much surprisecl when he could not perceive 
 liisold attendant Pipes among the number. When 
 he expressed his wonder at this disrespectful omis- 
 sion of Tom, some of those present ran to his
 
 ;S34 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 chamljer, in order to give him a call, but his ham- 
 mock and room Mere both deserted, and they soon 
 returned with an account of his having eloped. 
 Peregrine was disturbed at tliis information, be- 
 lieving that the tellow had taken some desperate 
 course in consequence of his being dismissed 
 from his service, and began to wish that he had 
 indulged his inclination, by retaining him still 
 about his person. However, as there was now no 
 other remedy, he recommended him strenuously 
 to the particular favour and distinction of his 
 imclc and Hatchway, in case he should aj)pear 
 again ; and, as he Avent out of the gate, was sa- 
 luted with three cheers by all the domestics in the 
 family. The commodore, Gauntlet, lieutenant. 
 Peregrine, and Jolter, went into the coach toge- 
 ther, that they might enjoy each other's convers- 
 ation as much as possible, resolving to breakfast 
 at an inn upon the road, wliere Trunnion and 
 Hatchway intended to bid our adventurer fare- 
 yxil I the valet de ciia-mbrc got inio l!ie post chaise, 
 the French lacquey rode one horse, and led an- 
 other, one of the valets of the garrison mounted at 
 the back of the coacli, and thus the cavalcade set 
 out on the road to Dover. As the commodore 
 could not bear the fatigue of johiug, they travel- 
 led at any easy pace during the first stage, so that 
 the old gentleman had an opportunity of comrau- 
 iiicating his exhortations to his godson, with re- 
 gard to his conduct abroad ; he advised him, now 
 that he was going into foreign parts, to be upon 
 kis guard against the fair weather of the French 
 politesse, which was no more to be trusted than a 
 whirlpool at sea. He observed, that many young 
 men had gone tt) Paris with good cargix'S of sense, 
 and returned with a great deal of canvass, and no 
 ballast at all, m hereby they became crank all the 
 days of their lives, and somctiiaios ciirricd their
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 235 
 
 keels above water. He desired Mr. Jolter io keep 
 4iis pupil out of the clulclies of those sharkijig 
 priests, who lie in wait to make converts of all 
 young strangers ; and, in a particidar manner, 
 cautioned the youth against carnal conversation 
 "with the Parisian dames, who, he understood, 
 were no better than gaudy iireships, ready pruned 
 with death and destruction. 
 
 Peregrine listened with great respect, thanking 
 Iiiin for his kind admonitions, which he faithfully 
 proiciscd to observe. Thry halted and breakfasted 
 at the aid of the stage, where Jolter provided 
 lumsclf with a horse, and the commodore settled 
 the method of corresponding with his nephew. 
 The minute of parting being arrived, the old com- 
 mander VvTung his godson by the hand, saying, 
 ' I wish th^e {t prosperous voyage and good cheer, 
 my lad ; my timbers are now a little crazy, d'ye 
 see ; and God knows if I shall keep afloat till such 
 tilZlC ^ ? see thee ao-ain : but liowsomever, hap 
 what will, thou wilt find thyself in a condition k. 
 keep in the line with the best of thy fellows.' He 
 then reminded Gauntlet of his j)romise to call at 
 the garrison in his return from Dover, and impart- 
 ed something in a whisper to the governor, while 
 Jack Hatcluvay, unable to speak, pulled his hat 
 over his eyes, and, scineezing Peregrine by the 
 hand, gave him an iron pistol of curious work- 
 manship, as a memorial of his friendsiiip. Our 
 joutii, who was not unmoved on this occasion, 
 received the pledge, which he acknowledged with 
 the present of a silver tobacco-box, bought for 
 tliat purpose; and the two lads of (he castle gct- 
 ting into the coach, were driven h(imewards in a 
 state of silent dejection. 
 
 -Gotlfrey and Peregrine seated tliemselvcs in ihe 
 post-cliaise, and Jolter, the valet dechambre, and 
 lacquey, bcstridijig their beasts, they proceeded
 
 236 THE ADVENTURES OP 
 
 for the place of their destination, at which they ar- 
 rived in safety that same night, and bespoke a pas- 
 sage in the packet-boat, m hich was to sail next day . 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV. 
 
 He adjusts the method of his correspondence with Gauntlet 
 .... meets by accident with an Italian charlatan, and a 
 certain apothecary, who proves to he a noted character. 
 
 1 HERE the two friends adjusted the articles of 
 their future correspondence ; and Peiegrine hav- 
 ing written a letter to his mistress, wherein he 
 renewed his former vows of eternal fidelity, it was 
 intrusted to the care of her brother ; while Mr. 
 Jolter, at the desire of his pupil, provided an 
 elegant supper, and some excellent Burgundy, that 
 they might spend this eve of his departure with 
 the greater ejijoyment. 
 
 Tiilngs being thus disposed, and a servant em- 
 ployed in laying the cloth, their ears were of a 
 sudden invaded by a strange tumultuous noise in 
 the next room, occasioned by the overthrow of 
 tables, chairs, and glasses, Avith odd unintelligible 
 exclamations in broken French, and a jargon 
 of threats in the Welsh dialect. Our young 
 gentlemen ran immediately into the apartment 
 from whence this clamour seemed to proceed, and 
 found a thin, meagre, swarthy figure, gasping in 
 all the agony of fear, under the hands of a squat, 
 thick, hard-featured man, who collared him with 
 great dog^iflitoiiiia? of w rath, saying,' if you 
 was as mighty a magician as Owen (jJlendower, 
 or the witch of Entor, l)ok you, ay, or as Paul 
 Beor himself, I will make pold, by the assistance 
 of Got, and in his majesty's naam, to seize and 
 secure, and eonfine and confroiit you, until such
 
 TEREGRINE PICKLE. ' 237 
 
 time as you suffer and endure and undergo the 
 pains and penalties of the law, for your diabolical 
 practices. Shcntlements, (added he, turning to our 
 adventurers), I take you to witness that 1 protest 
 and|assert and avow, that this person is as pig a 
 necromancer as you would desire to behold : and 
 I supplicate and beseech and entreat of you, that 
 he may be prought pefore his petters, and com- 
 pelled to give an account of his compact and com- 
 merce with the imps of darkness, look you ; for 
 as I am a christian soul, and hope for joyful resur- 
 rection, I have this plessed evening seen him per- 
 form such things as could not be done without the 
 aid and instruction and connivance of the tevil.' 
 
 Gauntlet seemed to enter into the sentiments of 
 this Welsh reformer, and actually laid hold on 
 the delinquent's shoulder, crying, ' damn the ras- 
 cal ! I'll lay any wager that he's a Jesuit, for none 
 of his order travel without a familiar.' But Pe- 
 regrine, who looked upon the affair in another 
 point of view, interposed in behalf of the stranger, 
 whom he freed from his aggressors, observing that 
 there was no occasion to use violence, and asked 
 in French what he had done to incur the censure 
 of the informer. The poor foreigner, more dead 
 than alive, answered that he was an Italian char- 
 latan, who had practised with some reputation in 
 Padua, until he had the misfortiine to attract the 
 I not ifig of the inquisition, by exhibiting certain 
 i wonderful performances by his skill in natural 
 I knowledge, which that tribunal considered as the 
 I effects of sorcery, and persecuted him accordingly; 
 so that he had i)een fain to make a precipitate re- 
 treat into France, where not finding his accoimt 
 i iiTTi is talents, he was now arrived in England, 
 with a view of practising his art in liondon ; and 
 that, in consequence of a specimen which he had 
 given to a company below, the choleric gentle-
 
 ^3S THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 m.in had followed him up shiirs to his ovm apaii- 
 mcnt, and assaulted him in that ijihospitable man- 
 ner. He therefore earnestly begged that our hero 
 would take him under his protection ; and if he 
 entertained the least suspicion of his employing 
 preternatural means in the operations of his art, 
 he would freely communicate all the secrets in his 
 possession. 
 
 The youth dispelled his apprehension, by as- 
 suring him that he was in no danger of sullering 
 for his art in England, where, if ever he should 
 be questioned by the zeal of superstitious indivi- 
 dual, he had nothing to do but apjjeal to the 
 next justice of the peace, who would immediately 
 quit him of the charge, and punish his accusers 
 for their impertinence and indiscretion. 
 
 He then told Gauntlet and the Welshman that 
 the stranger had a good action against them for an 
 assault, by virtue of an act of parliament, which 
 makes it criminal for any person to accuse another 
 of sorcery and witchcraft, these idle notions being 
 now justly exploded by all sensible men. Mr. 
 Jolter, who had by this time joined the company, 
 could not help signifyin g his dissent from this 
 opinion of his piipil, wAich he endeavoured to 
 invalidate by the authority of scripture, quota- 
 tions from the fathers, and the confession of many 
 wretches who suffered death for having carried on 
 correspondence with evil spirits, together with the 
 evidence of Satan's invisible world, and More- 
 ton's History of witchcraft. 
 
 The soldier corroborated these testimonies by 
 facts that had happened within the sphere of his 
 own knowledge ; and, in particular, mentioned 
 the case of an old woman in the parish in which 
 he was born, who used to transform licrsclf into 
 the shapes of sundry animals, and was at la^ 
 killed by small shot in the character of a hare.
 
 TEREGniNE PICKLE. 239 
 
 The Welshman thus sup])orte(l, expressol his 
 surprise at hcarina^ that the legishiture had shewn 
 such tenderness tor criminals of so dark, a hue ; 
 and oflered to prove, by undeniable instances, that 
 there was not a mountain in Wales which had not 
 been in his memory the scene of necromancy and 
 witchcraft : ' wherefore, said he, I am assured- 
 ly more than apove astonished and confounded 
 and co,nccrned, that the parliament of Great 
 Pritain should in their great wisdoms, and their 
 prudence, and their UfiUictratio n, give countenance 
 and encouragement, look you, to the works of 
 darkness and the empire of Pelzepup ; offer and 
 npovc the evidence of holy writ, and those writers 
 who have been quoted by that aggurate and learn- 
 ed shcntleman, we are informed by profane history, 
 of the pribbles and pranks of the old serpent, iu 
 the bortents and oragles of antiquity ; as you will 
 find iu that most excellent historian Bolypius, and 
 Titus Lifius ; ay, and moreoter, in the Commen- 
 taries of Julius Cccsar himself, who, as the ole 
 world knows, was a most famous, and a most 
 failant, and a most wise, and a most prudent, and 
 u most fortimatechiftan, and a most renowned ora- 
 tor ; ay, and a most elegant writer to boot.' 
 
 Peregrine did not think proper to enter the lists 
 of dispute with three such obstinate antagonists ; 
 but contented himself with saying, that he be- 
 lieved it would be no diHicult matter to impugn 
 the arguments they had advanced, though he did 
 not find himself at all disposed to undertake the 
 task, which must of course break in upon the 
 evening's entertainment. He therefore invited the 
 Italian to supper, and asked the same favour of 
 his accuser, who seemed to have something cu- 
 rious and chracteristic in his manner and disposi- 
 tion, resolving to make himself an eye-witness of 
 those surprising feats, which had given offence to
 
 240 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 the clioleiic Briton. This scrupulous gentleman 
 thanked our hero for his courtsey, but declined 
 communicating with the stranger, until his cha- 
 racter should be further explained ; upon Avhicli 
 his inviter, after some conversation with the char- 
 latan, assuring him that lie would hirase|f under- 
 take for the innocence of his art ; and then he was 
 prevailed upon to favour them with his company. 
 In the course of the conversation. Peregrine 
 learnt that the Welshman Avas a surgeon of Canter- 
 bury, who had been called into a consultation at 
 Dover, and, understanding that his name was 
 Morgan, took the liberty of asking if he was not 
 the person so respectfully mentioned in the Adven- 
 tures of Roderick Random. Mr. Morgan assum- 
 ed a look of gravity and importance at this inter- 
 rogation, and, screwing up his mouth, answered, 
 * Mr. Rantum, my goot sir, I believe upon my 
 conscience and saltation, is my vefy goot frient 
 and wellwisher ; and he and I have been com- 
 panions, and messmates, and fellow -sufferers, look 
 you ; but nevertheless, for all that, peradventure 
 he hath not pehaved with so much complaisance 
 and affability, and respect, as I might have ex- 
 pected from him ; pecause he hath revealed, and 
 tivulged, and publislied, our private affairs, with- 
 out my knowledge, and privity, and consent ; but 
 as Got is my saviour, 1 think he had no evil in- 
 tention in his pelly : and though there be certain 
 persons, look you, who, as I am told, take upon 
 them to laugh at his descriptions of my person, 
 deportment, and conversation, I do affirm and 
 maintain, and insist with my heart, andniyploot, 
 and my soul, that those persons are no pctter than 
 ignorant as.ses, and that they know not how to 
 di^fpm, nm] distinyni^lK and \\ifm^. true ridicule, 
 or,-^ as Aristotle calls it, the /o geloion^ no more, 
 look jou, than a herd of mountain goats : for 1
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 211 
 
 will make pold to observe, and I liopc this sjoot 
 company Avill be of the same opinion, that there 
 is nothino- said of me in that performance which 
 is unwortliy of a christian and a shentleman.' 
 
 Our young gentleman and his friends acquiesc- 
 ed in the justness of his observation. Peregrine 
 particularly assured him, that, from reading the 
 book, he had conceived the utmost regard and 
 veneration for his character, and that he thought 
 himself extremely fortunate in having this oppofr 
 t unity of enjoyhig his conversation. Morgan, 
 not a little proud of such advances from a person 
 of Peregrine's appearance, returned the compli- 
 ment MitJi a profusion of civility, and, in the 
 warmth of ackno\Yledgment, expressed a desire of 
 seeing him and his company at hrs house in Can- 
 terbur3^ ' I will not pretend or presume, kind sir,' 
 said he, ' to enteitainyou according to your racrits 
 and desertsj but you shall be as welcome to my 
 poor cottage, and ray wife and fami!}', as the, 
 prince of Wales himself; and it shall go hard, if, 
 one Avay or other, I do not find ways and means 
 of making jou confess that there is some goot fel- 
 lowship in an ancient Priton : for though I am 
 no petter than a simple apothecary, 1 have as 
 goot plood circulating in my veins as any he in 
 the country; and I can describe, and delineate, and 
 demonstrate, my pedigree to the satisfaction of the 
 'ole 'orld; and Jiioreofer, by Got's goot provi- 
 dence and assistance, I can ailbrd to treat my 
 friend with a joint of goot mutton, and a pottle of 
 excellent wine ; and no tradesman can peard me 
 with a bill.' lie was congratulated on his happy 
 situation, and assured that our jouth would visit 
 liim on his return from France, provided he should 
 take Canterbury on his route. As Peregrine ij],a- 
 nifestcd an inclination of being acquainted w^ith 
 !ue"sTate of his affairs, he very complaisantly sa- 
 
 Vol. L L
 
 242 THE ADVENTUnES OF 
 
 tisficd his rnrj ^sifv . bj giving him to know, that 
 his spouse had left off breetlmg, after having bless- 
 ed hinv with two boys and a girl, who were still 
 alive and well ; that he lived in good esteem with 
 his neighbours, and by his practice, which was 
 considerably extended immediately after the pub- 
 lication of Roderick Random, had saved some 
 thousand poimds. He had begun to think of re- 
 tiring among his own relations in Glamorgan-shire, 
 though his wife had made objections to this pro- 
 posal, and opposed the execution of it witli such 
 obstinacy, that he had been at infinite pains in as- 
 serting his own prerogative, by convincing her, 
 both from reason and example, that he was king 
 and priest in his own family, and that she owed 
 tjie most implicit submission to his will. He like- 
 wise ii.formed the company, that he had lately 
 seen his friend Roderick, who had come from 
 London tm purpose to visit him, after having 
 gained his law-suit with Mr. Tophall, who was 
 obliged to pay Narcissa's fortune ; that Mr. Ran- 
 dom, in all appearance, led a very happy life in 
 the conversation of his father, and bed -It How, by 
 whom he enjoyed a son and daughter; and that 
 Morgan had received, in a present from him, a 
 piece of very fine linen of his life's own making, 
 several kits of salmon, and two casks of pickled 
 pork, the most delicate he had ever tasted, toge- 
 ther with a barrel of excellent herrings for salnia- 
 gundy, which he knew to be his favourite dish. 
 
 This topic of conversation Ijcing discussed, the 
 Italian was desired to exhibit a specimen of his 
 art, and in a few minutes conducted the company 
 into the next room, where, to their great astonish- 
 ment and allVight, they beheld a thousaml ser- 
 pents Avinding along the cieling. Morgan, struck 
 with this phenomenon, which he had not seen l^e- 
 fbre, began to utter exorcisms ^\ith great devotion,
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 2i3 
 
 Mr. .Toiler ran terrified out of the room, (laiintlct 
 drew his hansfcr, and Peregrine liimself ^vas dis- 
 concertcKl. The' operator jx^rceiving their confu- 
 sion, desired them to retire, and calhng them back 
 in an instant, there was not a viper to be seen. 
 1 le raised their admiration by sundry other per- 
 formances, and the W(>lsh man's former opinion 
 and abhorrence of his character Ix^j^an to recur, 
 when, in consideration of the civiHly with which 
 he liud been treated, this ItaUan imparted to thera 
 all tlie methods by wliich he iiad acted such won- 
 ders, that were no other than the eflects of natural 
 causes curiously combined ; so that Morgan be- 
 came a convert to his skill, asked pardon for the 
 suspicion he had entertained, and invited the 
 stranger to pass a few d;; ys with him at Canter- 
 bury. The scruples of Godfrey and Jolter were 
 removed at the same time, and Peregrine testiJied 
 his approbation by a handsome gratuity Avhich 
 he bestowed upon their entertainer. 
 
 The evening being spent in this social manner, 
 every man retired to his resj)ective chamber, and 
 next morning they brealdasted together, when 
 .Morgan declared he would stay till fie should sec 
 our hero fairly embarked, that he might have the 
 })lcasure of i\Ir. Gauntlet's company to his own 
 iuibitation : meanwhile, by the skipper's advice, 
 the servants were ordered to carry a store of wine 
 and provision ou-board, in case of accident ; and 
 tis the packet-boat could not sail before one o'clock, 
 the company walked up hill to visit the castle, 
 where they saw the sword of Julius Caesar, and 
 Queen Elizabeth's pocket pistol, repeated Shakes- 
 ])eare's description, while they surveyed the chalky 
 cliils on each side, and cast their eyes towards the 
 city of Calais, that was obscured by a thick cloud, 
 which did not much regale their eye-sight, be- 
 cause it seemed to portend foul weather. 
 
 L2
 
 241 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 Having revicMed every thing remarkable in this 
 phicc, they returned to the pier, where, after the 
 compliments of partij)g, and an aflecti<mate em- 
 brace between the two } oung gentlemen, Peregrine 
 and his governor stepped aboard, the sails were 
 hoisted, and they went to sea with a fair wind, 
 while Godfrey, Morgan, and the conjuror, walked 
 back to the inn, from whence they set out for Can- 
 terbury, before dinner. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXV. 
 
 He emlarks for France. . . . Is overtaken ly a storm 
 . ... Is surprised with the appearance of Pipes. . . . 
 Lands at Calais, and has an ofj'ray with the officers 
 of the customhouse^ "^. ^ 
 
 ScAncE had the vessel proceeded two leagues on 
 the passage, when the w ind shifting, blew directly 
 iin their teeth,; so that they were obliged to haul 
 upon a wind, and alter their course. The sea 
 Tuuning pretty high at the same time, our hero, 
 who was below in his cabin, began to be squeam-pf 
 sh, and, in consequence of the skipper's advice, 
 went upon the deck for the comfort of his stomach ; 
 while the governor, experienced in these disasters, 
 slipt into bed, where he lay at his ease, amusing 
 himself with a treatise on the cycloid, with alge- 
 braical demonstrations, which never failed to en- 
 gage his iojaglnaGon in the most agreeable manner. 
 In the meantime the wind increased to a very 
 hard gale, the vessel pitched with great violence, 
 ihe sea washed over the decks, the master was 
 alarmed, the crew Mere confounded, the passen- 
 gers were overwhelmed with sickness and fear, and 
 universal distraction ensued. In the midst of this 
 uproar. Peregrine holding fast by the taffrill, and 
 looking ruefully ahead, the countenance of Pipes
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 2i5 
 
 pic<eu(((l itself to his astonished view, rising ay 
 it ivere from the liold of the ship. At first he inia- 
 trilled it was a tear-fonned shadow of Ids own 
 brain, tliougli he (tid not remain long* in this ter- 
 ror, but phunly perceived that it was no other than 
 the real person of Thomas, who, jumping ou (he 
 quarter deck, took cluirge of the helm, and dictat- 
 ed to the sailors with as much authority as if lie 
 had been commander of the ship. The skipper 
 looked upon him <is an angel sent to his assist;uice, 
 and the crew soon discovering him to be a thorough- 
 bred seaman, notwithstanding his livery frock, 
 obeyexl his orders with such alacrity, that in a 
 little time the confusion vanished, and every ue- 
 ce.'sary step was taken to weather the gale. 
 
 Our young gentleman immcHiliately conceived' 
 the meaning of Tom's appearance on-board, and, 
 wlum the tumult was a little subsided, went up^. 
 and encouraged him to exert himself for the pre- 
 servation of the ship, promising to take him again 
 into his service, from which he should never be- 
 disraissed, except at his own desire. This assur- 
 ance had a surprising eilbct upon Pipes, who,, 
 though he made no manner of reply, thrust the 
 helm into the master's hand, saying, here, you old 
 bum-boat w oman, take hold of the tiller, and keep^ 
 her thus, boy, thus;' and skipped about the vessel,, 
 trimming the sails, and managed the ropes with 
 such agility and skill, that cAi^ry body on deck, 
 siood amazed at his dexteritj'. 
 
 JMr. Jolter was far from being uncoiicerncd at 
 the uncommon motion of the vessel, the singing 
 of the wind, and the uproar Avhich he heanl above 
 him ; he looked towards the cabin door with the 
 most fearful expectation, in hope of seeing some per- 
 son who could give some account of the weather, 
 and what was doing upon deck ; but not a soul 
 appeared, and he ^vas too well acquainted with tho 
 
 L 3
 
 Si6 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 disposition of his own bowels to make the least al- 
 teration in liis attitude. When he had lain a g:ood 
 ^vhile in all the aj^ony of suspense, the boy tumbl- 
 ed headlong into his apartment, with such noise, 
 that he believed tJic mainmast had gone by the 
 board, and starting- iipriivht in his bed, asked with 
 *iU the symptff^^ij^ of liorror, what v as the cause of 
 that disturoance ? The boy, half stunned by his 
 fall, answered, in a dolorous tone, ' I'm come to 
 put up the dead-lights.' At the mention of dead- 
 lighls, the meaning of Avhich lie did not under- 
 stand, the poor governor's licart died within him, 
 and he shivered with despair. His recollection 
 forsaking him, he fell upon his knees in the bed, 
 and fixing his eyes upon the book which was in his 
 liand, began to pronounce aloud, with great fer- 
 vour, ' the time of a complete oscillation in the 
 cycloid, is to the time in which a body would fall 
 through the axis of the cycloid DV, as the cir- 
 cumference of a circle to its diameter.' He would 
 in all likelihood have proceeded with the demon- 
 stration of this proposition, had he not been seiz- 
 ed with such a qualm, as compelled him to drop 
 the book, and accommodate himself to the emer- 
 gency of his distemper; he therefore stretched 
 himself at full length, aiid, putting up ejaculations 
 to Heaven, began to prepare himself for his latter 
 end, when all of a sudden the noise alwve was in- 
 termitted ; and, as he could not conceive the caiise 
 of this tremendous silence, he imagined that either 
 the men were washed overboard, or that, despair- 
 ing of safety, they had ceased to oppose the tem- 
 pest. \Miile he was harrowed by this miserable 
 imcertainty, which, ho\vever, was not altogether 
 unenlightened by some scattercxl rays (jf hope, the 
 master entered the cabin ; then he a&ked, with a 
 voice half extinguished by it^ar, how matters went 
 upon deck ? and the skipper, with a large bottle
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 217 
 
 of brandy applied to his moiitli, answered in a 
 hollow lone, ' all's over now, master.' Upon 
 which, IVTr. Joltcr, giving himself over for lost, 
 exelahncd, witluthe utmost horror, ' Lord have 
 mercy n])on us ! Christ have mercy upon us !' and 
 repeated this supplication as it were mechanically, 
 until the master imdeccived him, by explainhii^* 
 the meaninij; of what he had said, and assuring 
 liiiu that the squall was over. 
 
 Such a sudden transition from fear to joy occa- 
 sion(!id a violent agitation both in liis mind and 
 body ; and it was a full quarter of an hour before 
 he recovered the right use of his organs. By this 
 time tlie weather cleared up, the wind began to 
 blow again from the riglit corner, and the spires 
 of Calais appeared at tlie distance of five leagues; 
 so that the countenances of all on-board were 
 lighted up with joyous expectation ; and Pere- 
 grine venturing to go down into the cabin, com- 
 forted his governor with an account of the happy 
 turn of their aftairs. 
 
 Jolter, transported with the tlioughts of a speedy 
 landing, began to launch out in praise of that 
 country for which they were bound. He observ- 
 ed, that France was the land of politeness and hos- 
 pitality, which were conspicuous in the behaviour 
 of all ranks and (k^grees, from the peer to the pea- 
 sant; that a gentleman and a foreigner, far from 
 being insulted and imposed upou by the low- 
 er class of people, as in England, was treated 
 with the utmost reverence, candour, and respect ; 
 that their fields were fertile, their climate pure and 
 healthy, their farmers rich and industrious, and 
 the subjects in general the happiest of men. He 
 would have prosecuted this favourite theme still 
 farther, had not his pupil been obliged to run 
 upon deck, in consequence of certain warnings he 
 received from his stomach. 
 
 L4
 
 218 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 TLc skipper seeing his condition, very honestly 
 reminded hira of the cold ham and fowls, with a 
 basket of AVine, which he had ordered to be sent 
 on-board, and asked if he would have the cloth 
 laid below. He could not have chosen a more 
 seasonable opportunity of manifestujg his own dis- 
 interestedness. Pere<;rine made wry faces at the 
 mention of food, biddinj^ him (for Christ's sake) 
 talk no more on that subject. He then descended 
 into the cabin, and put the same question to Air. 
 Jolter, who, he knew, entertained the same abhor- 
 rence for his proposal ; and, meetiiifi^with the like 
 reception from him, went between decks, and re- 
 peated his courteous prowler to the valet de chambre 
 and kicquey, who lay sprawling in all the pangs 
 of a double evacuation, and rejected his civility 
 with the most horrible loathing. Thus \baffled 
 in all his kind endeavours, he ordered his Wyto 
 secure the provision in one of his own lockers, ac- 
 cording to the custom of the ship. 
 
 It being low water when they arrived on the 
 French coast, the vessel could not enter the har- 
 bour, and they were obliged to bring to, and wait 
 for a boat, which in less than half an hour came 
 along-side from the shore. , Mr. Jolter now came 
 upon deck, and snuiling up the French air with 
 s>mptoms of infinite satisfaction, asked of theboat- 
 men (with the friendly appellation of mes ejifuns) 
 "what they demanded for transporting hira and his 
 pupil, with their baggage, to the pier? But how 
 was he disconcerted, whcu those polite, canditi, 
 reasonable watermen; demanded a louis d'or for 
 that service ! Peregrine, w ith a sarcastic sneer, ob- 
 served, that he already began to perceive the jus- 
 tice of his encomimns on the French ; and the dis- 
 appointed governor could say nothing in his own 
 vindication, but that they were debauched by 
 tlieir intercourse with the inhabitants of Dover.
 
 Z<r-' 
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 249- 
 
 His pupil, liowovcr, was so much ofFcndedat their 
 extortion, that lie absolutely refused to employ 
 Iheni, even Avheu they abated one half hi their de- 
 mand, and swore he would stay on-board till* the 
 packet should be able to enter tlic harbour, rather 
 tiiau encoura<!^e such imposition. 
 
 The master, who, in all probability, had some 
 sort of iMlow-iecliniT mJ^Ii the boatmen, in vain re- 
 presented, that he co*ik1 not with safety lie to, or 
 anchor upon a lee-shore; our hero having con- 
 suKetl Pipes, answered, that he had hired his vessel 
 t*> transport them to Calais, and that he would. ^ 
 obliii^e him to perform what he had undertaken. ^ 
 
 The skipper, very much mortified at this per- ->^ 
 emptory reply, which was liot over and above _ 
 agreeable to Mr. Jolter, dismissed the boat, not- | 
 withstanding the solicitations and condescension of 
 the watermen. Running a little farther in shore, 
 they came to an anchor, and waited till there was 
 watep enough to float tjjem over the bar. Then 
 they stood into tlie harbour, and our gentleman, 
 with his attendants and baggage, were landed on 
 the pier by tlie sailors, whom he liberally reward- 
 ed for their trouble. 
 
 He was immediately plied by a great number of 
 porters, who, like so many hungry wolves, laid 
 hold on his Inggage, and began to carry it off 
 piecemeal, without his order or direction. In- 
 censed at this ofticious insolence, he commanded, 
 them to desist, with many oaths and opprobrious 
 terms that his anger suggested; and, perceiving 
 that one of them did not seem to pay any regard 
 to what he said, but marched off with his burthen, 
 he snatched a cudgel out of his lacquey's hand, 
 and, overtaking the fellow in a twinkling, brought 
 him to the ground with one blow. He was in- 
 stantly surrounded by the whole congregation of 
 this canaille, who resented the injur\' which their." 
 
 L 5
 
 S50 THE ADTENTURES OF 
 
 brother had sustained, and would have talien im- 
 mediate satisfaction of the aggressor, had not Pipes, 
 seeing liis master involved, brought the whole 
 crew to his assistance, and exerted himself so man- 
 fully, that the enemy Averc obliged to retreat with 
 many marks of defeat, and menaces of interesting 
 the commandant in their quarrel. Jolter, who 
 knew and dreaded the power of tlie French go- 
 vernor, began to shake with apprehension, when 
 he heard their repeated threats ; but they durst not 
 apply to this magistrate, who, ujjon a fair rejjre- 
 sentation of the case, would have punished them 
 severely for their rapacious and insolent beha^'iour. 
 Peregrine, Avithout further molestation, availed 
 himself of his own attendants, who shouldered liis 
 baggage, and followed him to the gate, where they 
 were stopped by the centiuels, until their names 
 should be registered. 
 
 Mr. Jolter, who had undergone this examin- 
 ation before, resolved to profit by his experience, 
 and cuimingly represented his pupil as a yofmg 
 English lord. This intimation, supported by the 
 apjiearance of his equipage, w<is no sooner com- 
 municated to the officer, than he turned out the 
 guard, and ordered his soldiers to rest upon their 
 arms, while his lordship passed in great state to 
 the JLion df argent, where he took up his lodgings 
 for the night, resolving io set out for Paris next 
 morning in a post-chaise. 
 
 The governor triumphed greatly in this piece 
 of complaisance and respect with Avhich ihcy 
 Lad betMi honoured, and resumed his beloved 
 lopic of discourse, in applauding the method and 
 subordination of the French govcnmient, which 
 was better calculated for maintaining order, and 
 protecting the people, than any constitution upon 
 earth. Of their courteous a^ention to strangers, 
 ill ere needed no other proof than the compliment
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLB. 251 
 
 %vhicli had hecn paid to them, toocther Avith tlic 
 governor s connivance at Peregrine's empk)ying his 
 (nvn servants in carrying the baggage to the iim, 
 contrary to the privilege of the inliabitants. 
 
 While he expatiated, witli a remarkable degree 
 of seli-indulgence on this subject, the valet de 
 chambre coming into tlie room, interrupted his 
 liarangue, by telling his master that their trunks 
 and portmanteaus must be carried to the custom- 
 house, in order to be searchetl, and sealed with 
 lead, which must remain untouched until their* 
 arrival at Paris. 
 
 Peregrine made no objection to this practice, 
 wliich was in itself reasonable enough ; but when 
 he luidcrstood that the gate was besieged by an- 
 other multitude of porters, who insisted upon their 
 right of carrying the goods, and also of fix hig 
 tlu'ir own price, he absolutely refused to comply 
 with tlieir demand. Nay, he chastised some of 
 tlie most clamorous among them with his foot, 
 ajid told tlwm, that if their customhouse officers 
 had a mind to examine his baggage, they might 
 come to the inn for that purpose. The valet de 
 cliambre was abashed at this boldness of- his mas- 
 ter's behaviour, w hich, the lacquey, shrugging up 
 his shoulders, observed, was bien a Vjingloise; 
 while the governor represented it as an indignity 
 to tht; wlu)le nation, and endeavoured to persuade 
 his pupil to comply with the custom of the place. 
 But JViegrine's natural haughtinet,s of disposition 
 hindered him from givhig ear to Jolter's whole- 
 some advice: arul, in less than half an hour, they 
 observed a liie of musqueteers marching up to the 
 gate. At sight of this tletachraent the tutor trem- 
 bled, the valet grew pale, and the lacquey crossed 
 himself; but our hero, without exhibiting any 
 other s yniptom s than those of indignation, met 
 them on the threshold, and, with a ferocious air.
 
 252 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 demanded their busineps. The corporal who cora- 
 nianded the file, answered, Avith great deliberation, 
 that he had orders to convey his bagg;age to tlie 
 customhouse; and seeing trunks standing in tlic 
 rntrv, placed his men between them and the 
 owner, while tlic porters that followed took them 
 up, and proceeded to the Douane without oppo- 
 sition. 
 
 Pickle was not mad enough to dispute the au- 
 thority of this message ; but, in order to gall, and 
 specily his contempt for those who brought it, he 
 called aloud to his valet, desiring him, in French, 
 to accompany his things, and see that none of his 
 linens and efi'ects should be stolen bv the searchers. 
 The corporal, mortified at this salirical insinu- 
 ation, darted a look of resentment at the author, 
 as if he had been interested for the glory of his 
 nation, and told him, that he could perceive he 
 was a stranger in France, or else lie would have 
 saved himself the trouble of such a needless pre- 
 caution. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVI. 
 
 He makes a fruitless attempt in gaUanlry. . . . Departs 
 for Boulogne, where he spends the evening with certain. 
 English exiles. 
 
 JtIaving thus yielded to the band of power, he 
 inquired if there was any other English company 
 in the house ; when, understanding that a gentle- 
 man and lady lodged in the next apartment, and 
 Iiad Ijcspoke a post-chaise for Paris, he orderetl 
 Pipes to ingratiate himself with their footman, and, 
 if possible, learn their names and condition, while 
 he and Mr. Jolter, attended by the lacquey, took
 
 PEIIEGRINE PICKLE. 253 
 
 a turn round the ramparts, and viewed the parti- 
 culars of (he fortification. 
 
 Tom was so very successful in Jiis inquiry, that, 
 when liis master returned, he was able to give him 
 a satisfactoryaccount of his fellow-lodgers, incon- 
 sequence of having treated his brother with a bot- 
 tle of wine. The people in question were a gen- 
 tleman and his lady lately arrived from Englandj 
 in their way to Paris. The husband was a man 
 of good fortiuie, who had been a libertine in his 
 youth, and a professed dcclaimer against matri- 
 mony. He wanted neither sense nor experiencCj 
 and piqued himself in particular upon his art of 
 avoiding the snares of (he female sex, in which he 
 pretended to be deeply versed. But, notwithstand* 
 ing all his caution and skill, he had lately fallen a 
 sacrifice to the attractions of an oyster wench, who 
 had found means to decoy him into the bands of 
 wedlock ; and, in order to evade the compliments 
 and congratulations of his friends and acquaint- 
 ance, he had come so far on a tour to Paris, where 
 he intended to initiate his spouse in the beau monde. 
 In the meantime he chose to live upon the reserve, 
 because her natural talents had as yet received but 
 little cultivation ; and he had not the most im- 
 plicit confidence in her virtue and discretion, 
 which, it seems, had like to have yielded to the 
 addresses of an officer at Canturbury, who had 
 made shift to insuiuatc himself into her acquaint- 
 ance and favour. 
 
 Peregrine's curiosity being inflamed by this in- 
 formation, he lounged about the yard, in hopes 
 of seeing the dulcinea who had captivated the old 
 bachelor ; and, at length, observing her at a win- 
 dow, took the liberty of boAving to her with great 
 respect. She returned the compliment with a 
 curtsey, and appeared so decent in her dress and 
 manner, that, unless he had been previously
 
 254 THE ADVENTURES OF* 
 
 informed of her former life and conversation, lie 
 never Avould have dreamed that her education was 
 different from that of other ladies of fashion ; so easy 
 is it to acquire that external deportment on which 
 people of condition value themselves so much. 
 Not but that Mr. Pickle pretended to distinguish 
 a certain vulgar audacity in her countenance, 
 which, in a lady of birth and fortune, would have 
 passed for an ag-rceable vivacity that enlivens the 
 aspect, and gives ix>ignancy to every feature ; but 
 as she possessed a pair of fine eyes, and a clear 
 complexion overspread with the glow of health, 
 which never fails of recommending the owner, 
 lie could not help gazing at her with desire, and 
 forming the design of making a conquest of her 
 heart. With this view, he sent his compliments 
 to her husband, whose name was Hornbeck, with 
 an intimation, that he proposed to set out next 
 day for Paris, and as he understootl that he was 
 resolved upon the same journey, he should be ex- 
 tremely glad of his company on the road, if he 
 was not better engaged. Hornbeck, who in all 
 probability did not choose to accommodate his 
 wife with a squire of our hero's appearance, sent 
 a civil answer to his message, professing infuiite 
 mortification at his being unable to embrace the 
 favour of this kind offer, by reason of the indis- 
 |K)sition of his wife, who, he was afraid, would 
 not be in a condition for some days to bear the 
 fatigue of travelUng. This rebuff, which Pere- 
 grine ascribed to the husband's jealousy^ stifled 
 his project in embyro ; he ordered his French ser- 
 vant to take a place for himself in the diligence, 
 where all his luggage was stowed, except a small 
 trunk with some linen and other necessaries, that 
 was fixed upon the post-chaL>c, which they hired 
 of the landlord ; and early next morning he and 
 Mr. Jolter departed from Calais, attended by his
 
 PERECniXE PICKLE. 235 
 
 valet de chambro and Pipps on borseback. They 
 lirocccded without any accident as far as Boulogne, 
 Avherc they breiikfasted, and visited old Father 
 Graliam, a Scottish gentleman of the governor's 
 acquaintance, who had lived as a capuchin in that 
 })h(ce for the space of threescore years, and dur- 
 in<T that period conformed to all the austerities of 
 the order with tlie most riiiorous exactness ; being 
 equally reniarkable for tlie frankness of his con- 
 versation, the humanity of his disposition, and the 
 simplicity of his maimers. From Boulofine they 
 took their tleparture rtbout noon, and, as they pro- 
 posed to sl< ep that night at Abbeville, command- 
 <'d (lie postillion to drive with extraordinary speed. 
 Perhaps it was well for his cattle that the axletree 
 gave A\ay, and the chaise of course overturned, 
 Ix'tbre they hati travelled one third part of the stage. 
 This accident compelled them to return to the 
 ]:lace from ^\ hence they liad set out, and as they 
 could not procure another convenience, they found 
 themselves under the necessity of staying till their 
 chaise could be refitted. Understanding that this 
 operation would detain them a whole jjay, our 
 young gentleman had recourse to his patience, and 
 demanded to know wliat they would have for din- 
 ner : the gar5on, or waiter, thus questioned, vanish- 
 ed in a moment, and imniediately they were sur- 
 prised with the a})pearance of a strange figure, 
 which, from the extravagance of its dress and ges- 
 ticulation, Peregrine mistook fn- a madman of the 
 growth of France. This phantom (which, by the 
 by, happentil to be no other than the cook), was a 
 tall, long-legged, meagre, swarthy fellow, that 
 stooped very much ; his cheek bones were remark- 
 ably raised, his nose bent into the shape and size 
 of a powder-horn, and the sockets of his eyes as 
 raw round the edges as if the skhi had been pair- 
 ed off. On his head he ^vorc a handkerchief, which
 
 256 THE ADVENTURES OP- 
 
 had once been white, and now served to cover the 
 upper part of a black periwig-, to which was at- 
 tached a bas^, at least a loot square, with a solitaire 
 and rose that stuck up on each side to his ear ; so 
 that he looked like a criminal on the pijlory. His 
 back was accommodated with a linen waistcoat, 
 his hands adorned with long^ ruffles of the same 
 piece, his middle was girded by an apron tucked 
 up, that it might not conceal his white silk stock- 
 ings rolled ; and at his entrance he brandished a 
 bloody weapon full three feet in length. Pere- 
 grine, when he first saw him approach in this me- 
 nacing attitude, put himself upon his guard ; but, 
 being informed of his^uality, perused his bill of 
 fare, and having bespoke three or four things for 
 dinner, walked out with Mr. Jolter to view both 
 towns, which they had not leisure to consider mi- 
 nutely before. In their return from the harbour, 
 they rriet with four or five gentlemen, all of whom 
 seemed to look with an air of dejection, and, per- 
 ceiving our hero and his governor to be English 
 by their dress, bowed with great respect as they, 
 passed. Pickle, who was naturally compassion- 
 ate, felt an emotion of sympathy ; and seeing a 
 person, who by his habit he judged to be one of 
 their servants, accosted him in English, and asked 
 who the gentlemen were. The lacquey gave him- 
 to understand that they were his own countrymen, 
 exiled from their native homes, in consequence of 
 their adherence to an unfortunate and ruined cause ; 
 and that they were gone to the sea side, accord- 
 ing to their daily practice, in order to indulge their 
 longing eyes with a prospect of the white cliffs of 
 Albion, which they must never more approach. 
 
 Though our young gentleman differed widely^ 
 from them in point of political principles, he was 
 not one of those enthusiasts who look upon every- 
 schism from the established articles of faith as
 
 PEUEGRINE PICKLE. 257 
 
 (lainnablo, and exclude the sceptic from every bc- 
 Jielit of humanity and christian forgiveness : he 
 coultl easily comprehend how a man of the most 
 nnbiemisJicd morals might, by the prejudice of 
 etUication, or indispensable attachments, be engag- 
 ed in such a blameworthy and pernicious nnder- 
 (aking ; and tliought that they had already suf- 
 trred severely for their imprudence. Ife was af- 
 iected with the account of their diurnal pilgrimage 
 lo the sea side, which he considered as a pathetic 
 proof of their affliction, and invested Mr. Jolter 
 ^vitli the agreeable office of going to them with a 
 comjibjuent in his name, and begging the honour 
 of drinking a glass with them in the evening. 
 The}' accepted the proposal with great satisfaction 
 and respectful acknowledgment, and in the after- 
 noon waited upon the kind inviter, who treated 
 them with coffee, and would have detained them 
 to sapper ; but they entreated the favour of his 
 company at the house wliicli they frequented, so 
 earnestly, that he yielded to their solicitations, and 
 with his governor was conducted by tliem to t!ie 
 place, where they had provided an elegant repast, 
 and regaled them with some of the best claret in 
 France. 
 
 It was easy for them to perceive that their prin- 
 cipal guest M as no favourer of their state maxims, 
 and therefore they industriously avoided every 
 subject of cojiversation which could give the least 
 (Fence: not l)ut that they lamented their own si- 
 tuation, which cut tliem off from all tlicir dearest 
 connections, and doomed them to perpetual banish- 
 ment from their families and friends ; but tliey did 
 not, even by the-most distant hint, impeach the 
 justice of tliat sentence by which they were con- 
 demned ; although one of them, Avho seemed to 
 be about the age of tliirty, vvept bitterly over his 
 misfortune, which had involved a beloved wife
 
 258 THE ADTENTURES OP 
 
 and three children in misery and distress^ and, iu 
 the impatience of his ^rict', cursed his o^vn fate 
 Avitli frantic imprecations. His companions, with 
 a view of beguiling his sorrow, and manifestinfi^ 
 their own hospitality at Uie same time, changecl 
 tlie topic of discourse, and circulated tlie bumpers 
 with great assiduity ; so that all tlioir cares were 
 f)venvhelmed and forgotten, several drinking 
 French catches were sung, and mirth and good 
 fellowsliip prevailed. 
 
 In the midst of this 'elevation, which commonly 
 unlocks tlie most hidden sentiment, and dispels 
 every consideration of caution and constraint, one 
 of the entertainers, being more intoxicated tlian 
 his fellows, proposed a toast, to which Peregrine 
 with some -wannth excepted, as an unmannerly 
 insult. The other maintained his proposition with 
 indecent heat ; and the dispute beginning to grow 
 very serious, the company interposed, and gave 
 jutlgment against their friend, ivho was so keenly 
 reproached and rebuked for his impolite behaviour, 
 that he retired in high dudgeon, threatening to re- 
 linquish their society, and branding them with the 
 appellation of apostates from the common cause. 
 Mortified at the behaviour of their companion, 
 those that remained were earnest in their apologies 
 to their guests, whom they sought to forgive his 
 intemperance, assuring them wi^h great confidence, 
 that he would, upon the recovery of his reflection, 
 wait upon them in person, and ask pardon for the 
 umbrage he had given. Pickle was satisfied witii 
 their remonstrances, resumed his goo<l humour, 
 and the night being pretty far advanced, resisted 
 all their importunities whh which he was intreated 
 to see another bottle go round, ami was escorted 
 to his own lodgings more than half seas over. Next 
 mornhig, about eigiit o'clock, he was waked by 
 his valet de chambre ; who told him two of the
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 2j9 
 
 f]fontIomen Avilh wliom lie had spent the eveniiij^ 
 wvco m the house, iiiui desired the favour of being* 
 adinitled into his ehaniber. fie could not conceive 
 the nieanijig of (his extraordinar}' visit, and, or- 
 deriii<^ his man to sliew them into las aj)artment, 
 l)eliehl the person avIio had affronted him enter, 
 Avith the gentleman who liad reprehended Jiis rude- 
 ness. -- ^- 
 
 lle mIio had jjiven the oOence, after liavinfif 
 made an apok)uy for disdirbing Mr. Pickle, tokl 
 liim that his friend there present had been with 
 him early that morning, and proposed tlie alter- 
 native of either fighting with him immediately, or 
 coming to beg pardon for his unmannerly deport- 
 ment ovr night ; that, though he had courage 
 enough to face any man in the field in a righteous 
 cause, he was not so brutal as to disobey the dic- 
 tates of his own duty and reflection, in consequence 
 of whicii, and not out of any regard to the other'3 
 menaces, Avhich he despised, he had now taken the 
 liberty of interrupting his repose, that he might, 
 as soon as possible, atone for the injury he had 
 done him, which he protested was the effect of in- 
 toxication alone, and begged his forgiveness ac- 
 cordingly. Our hero accepted of this acknow- 
 ledgment very graciously, thanked the other gen- 
 tleman for tlie gallant pnrt he had acted in his be- 
 half; and, perceiving that liis companion was a 
 liUlc irritated at liis oflicious inter|)osition.eflected 
 a reconciliation, by convincing him tliat what he 
 had done Mas for the honour of the company. Jle 
 then kejjt them to breakfast, expressed a desire of 
 seeing their situation altered for the better ; and, 
 the cluiise being repaired, took leave of his enter- 
 tiiners, who came to wish him a good journey, 
 and with his attendants left Boulogne for tliesecond 
 time.
 
 260 THE ADVEN-TURES OF 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVII. 
 
 Proceeds for the capital. . . . Takes up his lodgings at 
 Bernay, where he is overtaken ly Mr.Hornbeck, whose 
 head he longs to fortify. 
 
 During this clays expedition, Mr. Joltertook aa 
 op]iort unity of imparting to his pupil the remarks 
 lie had made upon the industry of the French, as 
 an undeniable proof of M'hich he bade him cast his 
 eyes around, and observe with what care every 
 spot of ground was cultivated ; and from the fer- 
 tility of that province, which is reckoned the poor- 
 est in France, conceive the wealth and afRuence of 
 the nation in general. Peregrine, amazed as well 
 as disgasted at this infatuation, answered, that what 
 he ascribed Xo industry was the eftect of mere 
 wretchedness ; the miserable peasants l^eing ob- 
 liged to plough up every inch of ground to satis- 
 fy their oppressive landlords, while they them- 
 selves and their cattle looked like so many images 
 of famine ; that their extreme poverty was evident 
 from the face of the couutry, on which there was 
 not one indosure to be seen, or any other object, 
 except scanty crops of barley and oats, AvhicJi 
 could never rewarcl the toil of the husbandman ; 
 that their habitations were no better than paultry 
 huts ; that, in twenty' miles of extent, not one gen- 
 tleman's house appeared ; that nothing was more 
 abject and forlorn than the attire of their country 
 people ; thatthe equipage of their travelhng chaises 
 was infinitely inferior to that of a dung-cart in 
 England ; and that the postillion, who then drove 
 their carriage, had neither stockhigs to his legs, 
 nor a shirt to his back. 
 
 The governor, finding his charge so nntractable,. 
 resolved to leave him in the midst of his own ig-
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. 261 
 
 norancc and prejudice, and reserve his observations 
 lor those who woukl pay more deference to his 
 opinion : and indeed this resohition lie had often 
 made, and as often broken, in the transports of his 
 zeal, that frequently hurried him out of the plan 
 of conduct which in his cooler moments he had 
 laid down. They hailed for a refreshment at Mon- 
 treuil, and about seven in the evening arrived at a 
 village called Bernay, Avhere, while they waited 
 for fresh horses, they were informed by the land- 
 lord, that the gates of Abbeville were shut every 
 night punctually at eight o'clock, so that it ^vould 
 be impossible tor them to get admittance. He 
 said, there was not another place of entertainment 
 on the road where they could pass the night ; and 
 therefore, as a friend, he advised them to stay at 
 his house, where they would find the best of ac- 
 connnodation, and proceed upon their journey be- 
 times in the mornmg. 
 
 Mr. Jolter, though he had travelled on that road 
 before, could not recollect whether or not mine host 
 spoke truth ; but his remonstrance being very 
 plausible, our hero determined to follow his ad- 
 vice, and, being conducted into an apartment, 
 asked what they could have for supper. The 
 landlord mentioned every thing that was eatable 
 in the house, and the whole being engrossed for 
 the use of him and his attendants, he amused him- 
 self till such time as it should be dressed, in stroll- 
 ing about the house, which stands in a very rural 
 situation. While he thus loitered away the time 
 that hung heavy on his hands, another chaise ar- 
 rived at the inn ; and, upon inquiry, he found that 
 the new comers were i\Ir. Hornbeck ^nd his lady. 
 The landlord, conscious of his inability to enter- 
 tain this second company, came and begged, with 
 great humiliation, that Mr. Pickle would spare 
 them some part of the victuals he had bespoke ,
 
 262 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 
 but Jie rcfusaed to part Avitli so raucli as the Avlnic 
 -of a partridge, thoug-li at the same time he sent his 
 compliments to tlie strangers, and, giving them to 
 imderstand how ill the house Avas provided for their 
 reception, invited them to partake of liis supper. 
 Mr. Horubeck, who was not deliciejit in point of 
 pohteness, and extremely well disj)osed for a relish- 
 ing meal, which he had reason to expect, from 
 the savoury steam that issued from the kitchen, 
 coidd not resist this second instance of our young 
 gentleman's civility, which he acknowledged by a 
 message, importing that he and his wife would do 
 themselves the pleasure of profiting by his cour- 
 teous ofier. Peregrine's cheeks glowed w hen he 
 found himself on the eve of Ix^ing acquainted with 
 Mrs. Hornbeck, of whose heart he had already 
 made a conquest in imagination ; andhefortliwith 
 set his invention at work to contrive some means 
 of defeating her husband's vigilance. 
 
 When supper was ready, he in person gave 
 notice to his guest, and leading the lady into his 
 apartment, seated her in an elbow chair at the up- 
 per end of the table, squeezing her hand, and dart- 
 ing a most insidious glance at the same time. This 
 abrupt bchtfviour he practised, on the presum])tion 
 that a lady of her breeding was not to be addressed 
 with the tedious forms that must be observed in 
 one's advances to a person of birth and genteel edu- 
 cation. Jn all probabilitY his calculation was just : 
 for Mrs. Ilornlieck ga>v no gi gns of discontent at 
 this sort of treatment, but, ontlic contrary, seem- 
 ed to consider it as a })ro()f of the joung gentle- 
 man's regard ; and though she did not venture to 
 open her mouth three times during the whole rc- 
 j)ast, she shewed herself particularly well satisficfl 
 with her entertainer, by sundry iAy and s igni ficant 
 loaks, while her husband's eyes were directeH aiT- 
 other w ay, and divers loud peals of laughter^sji^
 
 PEREGRINE PICKLE. Q63 
 
 nit'} "mc; her approbiilion of tlic sallies Avliich ho 
 iTmTP^ in the course of their conversation. Her 
 5>pouse began ta be yay uneasy at the frank de- 
 nieanonr of his yoke-fellow, whom lie endeavoured 
 to check in her vivacity, by assuming a severity 
 of aspect ; but whether she obeyed the dictates of 
 her own disposition, which perhaps was merry and 
 inirescrved, or wanted to punish Mr. Ilornbeck 
 for his jealousy of temper, certain it is, her gaiety 
 increasid to such a degree, tliat her husband was 
 grievously alarmed and incensed at her conduct, 
 and resolved to make her sensible of his displea- 
 sure, by treading in secret upon her toes. He 
 Avas, however, so disconcerted by his indignation, 
 that he mistook his mark, and ajjjjlied the sharp 
 heel of his shoe to the side of Mr. Joher's fool, 
 comprehending his Utile toe that was studded with 
 an angry corn, which he invaded with such a 
 sudden jerk, that the governor, unable to endure 
 the torture in silence, started up, and, dancing on 
 the floor, roan d hideously, with repeated bellow- 
 ings, to the unspeakable enjoyment of Peregrine 
 and the lady, ^^ho laughed themselves almost into 
 convulsions at the joke. Ilornbeck, confounded 
 at the mistake he had committed, begged pardon 
 of the injured tutor with great contrition, protest- 
 ing that the blow lie had so imfortunatcly receiv- 
 ed was intended lor an ugly cur which he thought 
 had posted himself under the table. It was lucky 
 tor him that there was actually a dog in the room, 
 to justify this excuye, which Julter admitted with 
 the tears nmning ov(>r his cliceks; and the econo 
 my of the table was recom posed. 
 
 As sooii, however, as the strangers could with 
 decency withdraw, tliis suspicious husband took 
 his leave of tlie youth, on pretence of being ia- 
 tigucd with his journey, after having, by way of 
 compliment, proposed that they should travel to-
 
 264: THE ADVENTUllES OF 
 
 gellier next day ; and Peregrine handed the lady 
 to her chamber, where he wished her good night, 
 with another warm squeeze, which she returned. 
 This favourable hint made his heart bound with 
 a transport of joy ; he lay in wait for an oppor- 
 tunity of declaring himself, and seeing the hus- 
 band go down into the yard with a candle, glid- 
 ed softly into his apartment, where he found her 
 almost undressed. Impelled by the impetuosity 
 of his passion, which was still more inflamed by h(?r 
 present luscious appearance, and encouraged by 
 the approbation she had already expressed, he 
 ran towards her with eagerness, crying, ' zounds ! 
 madam, your charms are irresistible!' and, with- 
 out further ceremony, would have clasped her in 
 his arms, had she not begged him, for the love of 
 God, to retire, for should Mr. Ilornbeck return 
 and find him there, she would be undone for ever. 
 lie was not so blinded by his passion, but that he 
 saw the reasonableness of her fear ; and as he could 
 not pretend to crown his wishes at that interview, 
 he avowed himself her lover, assured her that he 
 would exhaust his whole invention in finding a 
 proper opportunity for throwing himself at her (eat ; 
 and in the meantime he ravished sundry small fa- 
 vours, which she, in the hurry of her fright, could 
 not withhold from his impudence of address. 
 Having thus happily settled the preliminaries, he 
 withdrew to his own chamber, and spent the 
 whole night in contriving stratagems to elude the 
 jealous caution of his fellow-traveller. 
 
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