A cr A ' ERN 1 m 3 ^ 9 1 6 FAI 4 ^^= I ) 1 lini:t: . A 1'. B.R.'s Greenes Newes 1593 R.B.'s Greenes Funeralls 1594 B. R. - R. B. Greenes Newes both from \' Heauen and Hell 1593 ^ and Greenes Funeralls 1594 Reprinted from the original editions with Notes, &c., by R. B. M^Kerrow Published for the Editor by SIDGWICK & JACKSON, LTD. 3 Adam Street, Adclphi LONDON. I9T I ^^ INTRODUCTORY NOTE The two tracts here reprinted are not otherwise connected than by the fact that they are both concerned with Robert Greene, for Collier's conjecture that Greeners Funerals as well as Greeners News from Heaven and Hell was the work of Barnabe Rich ^ seems to merit little attention. Both tracts are very rare — so far as I am aware neither has been reprinted since its original publication ^ — and it seemed a pity that they, almost alone of the related pamphlet literature, should remain inaccessible to the vast majority of students. The first, at least, is by no means without merit. While it is indeed somewhat of a patchwork, and hardly fulfils the promise of its title, the story of the fraud on a mercer is decidedly well told, as is also the older and coarser jest of the miller. For Greeners Funerals less can be said, and it must be confessed that the pamphlet is almost entirely without literary value, but it seems worth notice as being, apart from the writings of Nashe, almost the only attempt in defence of Greene. It has also the merit of brevity. The tracts are reproduced page for page and line for line."^ The ornaments used are similar to those of the originals, but certain accidental irregularities have not been followed. The printer of Greeners Funerals seems to have been quite indifferent to whether the characters composing the borders at head and foot of his pages were the right way up or not. I have given a list of Irregularities and Doubtful Readings, and a very few notes will be found at the end of the book. The language * Bibliographical Account, i. xvii*. * It Is true that in his Bibliographia Poetica, 1802, pp. 124-5, Ritson speaks of a 1604 edition of Greene's Funerals, but it seems probable that the date is merely an error. ' I have, however, used the blank leaf, H 4, of the first tract for a half-title to the second. Introductory Note. of Greeners News is of some interest, and I have therefore included a number of words and phrases in the index. Nares seems the only lexicographer to have made use of the work. I. Greene'' s News from Heaven and Hell This tract was entered in the Stationers' Register on February 3, 1592-3, as follows : Thomas Adams Entred for his Copie vnder the hande of master Styrrop, war- John Oxenbridge/ den. Greenes newes bothe from Heaven and Hell. &c. . vj"* S.^ It bears no printer's name, and the device upon the title-page, a landscape surrounded by a circular band bearing the words ' MAR- CANTIA REALE ', is not otherwise known to me. Neither Adams nor Oxenbridge seems ever to have engaged in printing. The initials B. R. on the title-page are generally supposed to stand for Barnabe Rich, and though we cannot regard this as abso- lutely certain, all the available evidence seems to point to its being correct. Among other things, the following appear to favour Rich's authorship of the work : 1. The references to Ireland, as in the Dedication and on page 57. Rich served in that country from 1573 to the time of his death (161 7), though he seems to have paid occasional visits to London and to the Netherlands. 2. The strongly anti-Roman tone of the whole book, which is exactly in accordance with that of Rich's acknowledged writings. 3. The reference to the neglect suffered by old soldiers (on pp. 61-2). This was a common subject of complaint with Rich, though indeed there seem to be few, if any, soldier authors of the day who have not something to say on the point. 4. Of the various editions of Rich's works at least ten, dating from 1592 to 1616 were printed for Thomas Adams, and two, in 1598 and 1599, for John Oxenbridge. The work is of great rarity .^ There is a copy in the British Museum (C. 40. d. 39), but none in the Bodleian, and only about three others ^ Arber, Transcript, li. 626. * In his edition of the Dramatic Works 0} Greene Dyce remarked that he had never seen the book (one-vol. ed., p. 80). vi Introductory Note. are known to be in existence. It is a quarto of the usual size, the preliminary matter being in roman and italic type, the text of the work in black-letter, with the customary roman for names and italic for Latin phrases. In the present reprint roman type has, for con- venience of reading and to save expense, been substituted for black- letter, and in the text italic type has been used for the roman as well as the italic of the original.^ This does not, however, apply to the title-page, epistle, heading on p. 7 or running title, all of which remain in roman or italic as in the original. A peculiarity of p. 15 (B. 4) must be mentioned here. In the original, 11. 15-24, 27-35, with the exception of one or two words, most mysteriously appear to be in a different fount of type from that in which the rest of the book is printed. The face of the type is much the same as that used elsewhere, if not identical with it, but the body of the type is distinctly narrower, and, as may be seen in the reprint, the lines hold more than the usual number of letters. I can offer no explanation of the peculiarity. Perhaps something was omitted from these passages, and the printer, happening to have the narrower fount, used it to save overrunning, or perhaps, as was sometimes done, the type was set up at the compositor's own house, and the printer made corrections in a fount which he happened to have at hand. 2. Greeners Funerals This tract was entered in the Stationers' Register on February i, 1593-4, as follows : John Danter •/• Entred for his Copie vnder thandes of bothe the wardens a booke intituled Greene his funeralles ..... v\^ * The identity of the R. B. whose initials appear on the title-page is * In the case of the punctuation, however, I have had to modify this rule and only use italic when the original punctuation is italic or when the punctuation belongs exclusively to a phrase which, being roman in the original, has been altered to italic in the reprint. The reason for this is that in the original most brackets and all semi-colons used to punctuate the black-letter, as well as many colons, are roman. It would have given a needlessly odd appearance to the text to represent all these by italic. * Arber, Transcript^ ii. 644. b vii Introductory Note, uncertain. By Ritson it was stated that the author of the work was * supposed ' to be Richard Barnfield,^ who seems indeed to be the only known writer of the day with these initials to whom it could reason- ably be attributed. There exists, however, a poem by * R. B. Gent.* entitled Orpheus his Journey to Hell, published in 1595, and the initials also appear in some trifling productions of about 1580. The correctness of this attribution to Barnfield is very generally disputed. Dyce in the Introduction to his edition of the Dramatic Works of Greene ^ doubts whether the work is not too poor to be Barnfield's, and Collier, in his History of English Dramatic Poetry, 1 83 1, iii. 147, states that it is certainly unworthy of him. In his Bibliographical Account of the Rarest Books, i. xvii*, he suggests that R. B. stood for Barnabe Rich. It may, I think, at once be said that if Greeners News from Heaven and Hell is rightly attributed to Rich, Greeners Funerals cannot possibly be his. The attitude taken towards Greene in the two tracts seems to be far too different for them to be the work of the same author. Further, had Rich been a friend and defender of Greene we should not have expected another friend and defender, Thomas Nashe, to refer to him in such a contemptuous way as he does in his Have with you to Saffron-W alien. A last argument, perhaps of slight importance, may be derived from the presence at the end of Greeners Funerals of two sets of verses by Richard Stanyhurst. Rich, who was a sturdy Protestant, had met Stanyhurst, a Catholic, at Antwerp, apparently some time between 1582 and 1592, and seems to have conceived a violent animosity against him, to which he gives expression in more than one of his works. It is, however, but fair to say that we do not know that Rich's dislike of Stanyhurst dates from their first meeting, and further, that it is not certain that the two pieces in question were added to the book at R. B.'s desire. They have no connexion with what goes before, and may well have been inserted by the printer to fill a couple of blank pages. Indeed, the idea of Greene solacing his last moments by reciting Stanyhurst's English hexameters has about it a certain grotesqueness which makes one hesitate to attribute it to a serious admirer. * Bibliographia Poetica, 1802, pp. 124-5. * One-vol. ed., p. 39. viii Introductory Note. The evidence for Barnfield's authorship consists chiefly in the initials, but there is one other slight point in favour of attributing the book to him, namely, the great similarity between the English hexameters of sonnet vii and the verses in the same meter entitled ' Helen's Rape ' at the end of the Affectionate Shepherd, 1594, which Barnfield acknowledges to be his. For the rest, it must be remem- bered that if the work is indeed Barnfield's it is probably earlier in date than anything else of his which we have, and that as he was born in June 1574, he would only have been in his nineteenth or at most twentieth year at the time of writing it. There seems little evidence to be derived from the style, but it is worth noticing that twice in these few poems the rhetorical figure of anaphora is used (p. 72, 11. 1-4, and p. 81, 11. 1-4), a figure of which Barnfield seems to have been particularly fond.^ The objections against the attribution of the work to Barnfield are firstly, the existence of the other work by R. B., namely, Orpheus his Journey to Hell, 1595, which no one seems ever to have imagined to be his, and secondly the preface to Barnfield's Cynthia, 1595, where he speaks of that work as his ' second fruites ', and refers to the Affectionate Shepherd as the first, ' howsoeuer undeseruedly (I protest) I haue beene thought (of some) to haue beene the authour of two Books heretofore.' 2 These are undoubtedly strong objections, and certainly seem of more force than the arguments on the opposite side, but yet I am not sure that Barnfield's disclaimer of the authorship of other works than the two above mentioned excludes the possibility of the ' R. B.' of Greeners Funerals having been intended by the pub- lisher to stand for his name, and there being really something of his in the work. Danter, in his preface, says that the verses were pub- lished without the author's knowledge. May he not have got hold • Compare his Poems, ed. Arber, pp. 20, st. 5 ; 28, st. 5 ; 31, st. 5 ; 33, St. 3 ; and often. ' Poems, ed. Arber, p. 44. Attention seems first to have been called to this by Collier in his Hist. Eng. Dr. Poetry, 183 1, i. xxviii. There is some doubt as to the identity of the two books which Barnfield disclaims. Greene's Ftmerals may well have been one, but Orpheus his Journey to Hell can hardly have been the other, for, as Mr. Arber points out {Poems, p. xx), that work was not entered in the Stationers' Register until six months later than Cynthia. ix Introductory Note. of one or two unfinished pieces of Barnfield's ^ never intended for publication, and eked them out by the addition of a few fragments of rubbish written by some one whom he had about the place, or even by himself ? If this were the case Barnfield could hardly be blamed for attempting to dissociate himself altogether from the pamphlet, which was indeed a credit to no one concerned. The book is extremely rare, and the only copy of which I have been able to hear is the one in the Bodleian Library (Tanner 217), from which the present reprint has been made. * It is clear that Barnfield must have been beginning to get some reputation in literary circles, for otherwise he would not have been troubled by any one attributing to him the books — whatever they were — which he disclaims in his Cynthia. LIST OF IRREGULARITIES, DOUBTFUL READINGS, etc. In ' Greene s Funerals ' / ignore the very numerous cases of a roman letter used for an italic and vice versa, as tuell as most of the irregularities of punctuation. I. II Anno. Domini. 30. 7 Camber 5. 1 6 hearinglMari after this ivord, 2 1 Church-] Hyphen a little doubt- probably merely dirt. ful. 6. I J] Italic brackets are throughout 31.17 you :] Possibly a semicolon. frequently used for roman. 32. 6 a funder: I do not note these. 33. 9 foorth. The 7. 7-8 con-ciets, 12 fcooling 8 qnarter 34. 34 viifluales And 8. 31 Tormoyle^May possibly be Toi- 36. 14 quintinfence moyle. 19 altogether, 9. 12-13 fome-time 38. 16-17 ouer pafled 37 quyetly, trauelling 39. 28-9 not not 11. 13 geneeofitie 40. 4 Possibly attempted 13. 38 Courteons 19 Possibly were 14. 15 com]pany'\ A fari, probably dirt. 22 well-lyking] Hyphen rather 15. 15'"35] On these lines see Intro- doubtful. ductory Note, p. vii. 41.18 you you 16. 21-2 continue the 37 whith 34 be foole 43. 36 firifled 17. 10- II frau-delent 44. 5 condn(5l 19. 6 beflowed 5 lytttle 19. 35 a truth, 6 ill fauoured] Possibly hyphtned. 22. 33 Cornation 45. 27 good; But 23. 6 told 36 precpts 24. 8 withall 48. 3 furnifhed 25. 19 by 50. 14 to, 2 I your felfe] Possibly hyphened. 51. 22 there, 32a long 55. 8 Possibly fhewany 37 tell ;] Possibly a comma. 35-6 Tra/ubjlantiation 26. 23 other] Mark, probably dirt. 56 h.l. Green es 27. 28 doo vfe 58. 23 fong,] Possibly comma. 28. 4 her? 60. 17-18 the the 29. 6 you faide 23 pradlifes; Then 1 4 foorfooth ? 29 any] ? read my 2 2 Sub inte/egitur,] Space a little 62. 18 ment doubtful. 71.10 foent XI List of Doubtful Readings. 73. 6 fr'iendy 14 morralixe, 74. 10 Lords :J The L is of a smaller fount. II Gallant, 76. 13 The edge of the paper is torn off, and of the \ of It only a trace remains, 77. 17 con/umde. 18 prejumde 79. 14 in ueigh 18 miudes 22 ivrtten 80. II an 81 Sonnet, IX.] 7^6^ X is of a smaller fount and has dropped. 82. 9 neuerbut 83. 13 XL] The stop has dropped a line. 85. 6 Pudddle II the 86. 5 relinguifh, 6 precpts Part of the lower border of this page is cut off. 87. 15 participiates, ni I. GREENES NEWES BOTH FROM HEAVEN AND HELL. By B. R. GREENES Newes both from Heauen and HelL Prohibited the firft for writing of Bookes,and banifhed out of the laft for difplaying of Conny- catchers. Commended to the Prejfe By B. R. AT LONDON, Vk> Printed, Anno. Domini. 15 9 3- S^^To the renowned Gregory Coolie^ chiefe Burgermaifter of the Caftle of CIo72arde^ Marquefle of merry conceits, and Grande Caualier amongft Boune companions and all good fellowfhip ; At his 5 chafte Chamber at Dublyne in Irelande, B. R. fendeth greeting. T was my fortune (Sir) not long fince, to trauaile between Pancredge Church & Pye-comery beeing fomewhat late in the Eue- ning, about an houre after the fet- ting of the Sunne: and cafting vp mine eyes towardes the skyes, to beholde the twinckling ftarres that had then but newly difcoue- red themfelues, 1 might fee how the Man of the Moone was beating of his dogge. Thys fearefull afped did wonderfullie daunt mee, with doubt of fome angry accident that might ftiortly betide me ; And I had not paced many fteppes, but 20 diredly in the path before me, there appeared a moft griflie ghoft wrapt vp in a fheete, his face onely difcouered, with a penne vnder his eare, and holding a fcrowle of written paper in his hande. I crofled the way of purpofe to fhunne him, but crofle as I could he was euer-more before mee, that pafTe I 25 might not, vnleffe I fhould runne ouer him; I remembred my felfe how old Fathers were wont to fay, that Spirits in fuch cafes, had no power to fpeake to any man, vntill they were firft fpoken vnto, and therefore taking vnto me a conftrained courage, I asked him what he was, & what was his meaning A 2 to [ 3 ] The Epillle. to trouble mee in my paflage? who aunfwered thus. I am (faide he) a Spirite, yet feare thou nothing, for my comming is not to doe thee any manner of harme, but to requeft a mat- ter at thy handes which thou maift not denay me, for thou muft vnderftand, I am the fpirite of Robert Greene, not vn- 5 knowne vnto thee (I am fure) by my name, when my wry- tings lately priuiledged on euery poft, hath giuen notice of my name vnto infinite numbers of people that neuer knewe me by the view of my perfon. The matter that I would requeft thee to performe, is the 10 committing of thefe papers to the Preffe, wherein, becaufe I haue there manifefted the very drift of mine owne deuife, I may therefore be the more fparing vnto thee, in relating the circumftances : thys may fuffife, nor faile not thou to doe as I haue willed thee. 15 Heere-withall, popping the papers into my hand, I can not tell what account I fhould make of his departure, or whe- ther I might fay he flew into the ayre, or funck into the earth, he was fo fuddainly vanifht out of my fight, but I was gladde I was ridde of his companie, and home- wards I went haftilie 20 to my lodging : where calling for a light, I began by my felfe to perufe ouer thefe lynes, wherein I founde fuch a meffe of altogether, that I knew not what I fhould make of the med- lie. Spyced it was heere and there with Myjilin, a kinde of 25 graine that is made of Knaue and Rye, mixed both together, pleafurable it was in many places to be read, and therefore fit- teft for melancholie humors. And bethinking mee of my freendes to whom I might commend it, in the end I refolued of your owne good felfe : and the rather finding it to be de- 30 lightfull and pleafant, I thought it a fit reftoratiue to recall you from that melancholie conceite, that hath fo long pefterd your braines, for the lofle of a Myll, difmembred and fhaken downe by the rage of a pelting puffe of winde, but fuch a paultry tempeft fhould not difmay a man of your fpyrite, 35 when it is well knowne to euery Gamfter, that although the knaue of trumpes be the fecond Carde at Mawe, yet the fiue-finger [ 4 ] The Epiftle. fiue-finger may commaunde both him and all the reft of the pack. I could tel you a tale (Maifter Gregory) of an Afte, who leauing the place where he was firft foald, fortuned to ftray into a ftrange Forreft, and finding the beaftes of that Defart 6 to be but fimple, and had neuer feene the maieftie of the Ly- on, neyther had they felt the cruelty of the Tygar, nor had a- ny manner of wayes beene wronged by the opprefsions of the Leopard, the Beare, the Panther, or any other deuouring or rauening beaftes. lo Thys paltry Afie, feeing their fimple plainnefl!e, founde meanes to wrap himfelfe in a Lyons skinne, and then with proude lookes and loftie countenaunce, raunging among the Heardes, he would ftretch out his filthy throate, bellowing and braying (as nature had taught him) with fo hideous and 15 horrible a noyfe, that the poore beaftes that were within hys hearing beganne already to tremble & ftiake for feare. Then he began to tyrannife, commaunding what himfelfe pleafed amongft them, and not contenting himfelfe with that obey- fance, which had beene fit for an honorable beaft, and more 20 then was due to an Afi'e, would many times take vppon him fome duties proper to the perfon of the Lyon himfelfe: and in the end became a notable ftieepe-byter, worrying and de- uouring whole flockes of poore ftieepe, that happened with- in his precinde or iurifdidion. 25 The Wolfe that had layne all this while clofe amongft the Mountaines, and hauing gotten vnderftanding of the na- ture and difpofition of this Afi'e, thought him a fit compani- on for his confortftiyppe, and combyned with him in fuch a freendly league, that betweene them, the one taking opportu- 30 nity to filtch and fteale in the night, the other vfing his tyrany to rauen and deuoure in the day, the poore harmelefie Cattle that liued within their reach, were ftil opprefTed, & neuer free fro perril. The Afle grew to that greatnes that he was furna- med Tarquinius fuperbus, not that Tarquine that rauiftied Lu~ 35 cretia of her honour, but it was that Tarquine that rauiftied a Church of her lyuings : and an Afl'e I founde him, and fo I will leaue him. A 3 Perad- [3] The Epiftle. Peraduenture (Ma. Gregory) you expelled a wifer con- clufion, but what would you looke to come from a man that hath beene lately fo skarred with fprites, that he hath not yet recouered the right vfe of his fences : it may be true that de- uils are afraid to paffe by a croffe, but I am fure knaues are 5 not afraide to fhroude themfelues behinde a Condite. You may perceiue (Syr) my wits are fette a wandering, but know- ing your difcretion enough to conceiue my meaning, I will trouble you no further, but with this abrupt conclufion will bid you hartily farewell. lo Your affured freend. B. R. [6] 5^ Greenes newes both from Heauen and Hell. E 7iot difmaied (my good freends) that a deade man fhoulde acquaint you with neweSj for it is I, / per fe /, Robert Greene^ in Artihus Magifter^ he that was wont to foli- cite your mindes with many pleafant con- ciets, & to fit your fancies at y leaft euery qnarter of the yere, with ftrange & quaint deuifes, beft befeeming the feafon, and lo moft anfwerable to your pleafures. Hauing therfore fo ma- ny times taken the true meafure of your appetites, & finding the very height of your difpofitions inclined to nouelties, that you might the rather fee howe willing I am to fatif-fie your humors, I haue fent you heere the whole difcourfe of my ad- isuentures, what hath betyde mee fince I left the terreftiall worlde, with a very true report of my infernall trauailes. Strange peraduenture for you to vnderftand of, but for the truth of the matter, if you fhall any where fland in doubt, doo but compare the place with that golden volume of Legenda 20 Aureay or with the workes of that famed wife man Syr Thomas More, in his Booke of Quoth I to your freendy and quoth your freend to me, in his difcourfe of Eutopia, & The Jupplkation of Joules in Purgatory. If your confcience be yet fcrupeld, and that thefe authentike authorities will not 25 fully fatif-fie you : turne ouer then to the Remijh Tejlament, and leauing the Chapters and wordes of the Euangeliftes, looke into the notes inferted by that holy fraternitie of le- fuiteSy and that bleffed broode of Seminaries, and tel me then if you do not find matter feeming more incredible the any by 30 me here alleaged, and yet I dare boldly auouch it, (and that without blufhing) if you confider duly of the circumftances, you [ 7 ] Greenes newes you fhall finde no lefle caufe to laugh at the one, then to be- leeue the other. Hauing thus prepared your mindes to re- ceiue the certaintie of my difcourfe, now likewife fette open your eares, and be attentiue to the reft, for thus it foloweth. When pittiles Death had fommoned my foule to leaue his 5 tranfitory eftate, infufing his frofty humour through all the parts of my body, leauing my breathles corps a fitte pray for the fepulcher, my deceafed ghoft wandring now to and fro in many obfcure & vnknown waies, defirous to find a place of reft, at the length lighted into a ftraight and narrow trad, fo lo ouergrowne with bryers & brambles, that there was almoft no paflage left, and as it fhould feeme vnto me, did lead vnto fome ruinated place, where all former trade & traffique was decayed, the folitarines wherof (me thought) was beft befit- ting & anfwerable to my humor : fo that with great diflSculty 15 fcratching through the bufhes, it brought me at the length to the foote of a mighty fteepe Hil, whofe height I was not able to difcerne, but by the vnpleafantnes of y path, leading ouer monftrous Rocks craggy & ill fauoured to pafle, I perceiued it to be the high way to Heauen. But fliould I tel you heere 20 the toile y 1 had to climbe this Mountaine, with what labor I attained it, how many breathings 1 tooke by the way be- fore I could reach it, what folly I found in my felfe to vnder- take it, and fhould I difcribe vnto you at large howe many inconueniences they finde that vndertakes thys pafiage to 25 Heauen, peraduenture I might fo difcourage you, that a great number would neuer defire to come there at all, but thys I can afiure you for your better comforts, he that hath a willing minde to vndertake thys trauaile, let hym bring with hym a pottle of that lyquour, which I was wont to 30 drinke with my HoftefTe, at the Redde lattefle in Tormoyle Jlreete, and hee fhall finde it more auailable in the furthe- ring of hys iourney, then a whole poke full of the Popes pardons. When I was gotten vp to the toppe of the Hill, after 35 that I had a little panted for breath, looking forwarde ouer a fayre greene, (as my high way did dired mee) I myght perceiue [8 ] both from Heauen and Hell. perceiue (a little diftant from mee) where two were faft to- gether by the eares : weapons they had none, more than their bare fiftes, but with them they laide on fuch load, that 1 perceiued the one was loath to remayne in the others debt ; 5 and I fomewhat mending my pace, when I was come vnto them, prefently knew them both to be of mine olde acquain- taunce, the one Veluet breeches^ the other Cloth breeches^ betweene whom I had f not long before) beene a fticlder, and (as I fuppofed) had taken a quyet order betweene them for 10 ending of all controuerfies. But they neuer the more vppon my ariuall forbare the one the other, but fometimes with downe-right blowes, enough to haue feld a Bullocke : fome- time with bobbes at the lippes, able to havie dafht out theyr teeth : otherwhiles lugging one an other by the eares, as if 15 they had committed fome offence in liftning too lightly after foolifh fpeeches: but Veluet breeches being in the French fafhion, with a goodly locke hanging downe his left cheeke, wherin Cloth breeches had fo fnarled his fingers, that when I thrufl in betweene them to haue parted them, I could not 20 pluck away his hand, tyll he had pluckt away hayre and all that he had holde on : but hauing once put them a funder, I wild them as they were men to hold their hands, why (qd. I) doo you know what you doo, or doo you remember the place where you are ? I am fure wee be not farre from Heauen 25 gates, and if S. Feter fhould vnderftand of your abufe, I knowe he would commit you both to the Porters Lodge. Veluet breeches^ who was fo farre out of breath that hee was not able to fpeake, in the end, when he had a while well bluftred and blowne, deliuered mee thefe words. 30 This bafe fellowe, whom I haue euer difdayned, and al- though in our late controuerfie, by the inconfideration of a partiall lurie, he preuayled againfl me, fentence being giuen on his fide, the which 1 thinke dooth incourage him the ra- ther in his prefumption toward mee, but I euer fcorning 35 him, denying him (as he is) vnworthy to conuerfe with a Gentleman of any quallitie or trayning vp: and as I was yerwhiles quyetly, trauelling all alone in a folitarie mufe, B how [9 ] Greenes newes how I might behaue my felfe when I came to heauen, what falutations I might render to the Saindls, with what grace I might giue the Bajeles manes to the Monarches and great Princes that had raigned in the world, and what counte- nance I might carry, beft befeeming a Gentleman of my re- 5 putation & calling, newly comming amongft fo many ftran- gers of al forts, amongft whom I was altogether vnknown, and had no manner of acquaintance : as I was painfully and with great difficultie trauelling vp the hill, in thefe & other like cogitations, this barbarous fellow (whofe rude training 10 vp hath better inabled him to indure labour & toile, than thofe that haue lyued in pleafure & eafe) was followed hard at my heeles before I was aware of him, which in truth at the firft made me halfe afraide, but looking back & feing who it was, my feare was turned into difdaine, and my ftomacke mer- 15 uailoufly began to fwell againft him: but without any man- ner of word fpeaking vnto him I kept my way, the which be- ing fo ftraight fas you know) that there can pafTe but one at once, I held him behinde me, till I was gotten vp to the very height of the hill, where the paffage growing more fpacious, 20 he makes no more adoe at the matter, but without any word fpeaking fteps afore, & began to hold on his way as though I had beene but his man, and ftiould haue waited on him in his iourney, the which my ftomacke not able to brooke, I reproo- ued his malipart faucinefle; he by and by began to grow in- 25 to comparifons, both of my felfe and my petegree, when it is well knowne that Veluet breeches was neuer lefle than a Gentleman, and Cloth breeches neuer more than a Pefant, and that I haue euer kept company, where fuch a vaflell as he is might be aftiamed to ftiew his face, and therefore holde 30 it in great fcorne, that he fhould take the way of me, now tra- uelling to fo glorious a prefence. Cloth breeches^ that ftood all this while with his head hanging on the one fide, and by- ting of his nether lyppe, aunfwered him thus. Veluet breecheSy touching thy parentage, from whence 35 thou art defcended, what thou maift claime for thy gentilitie, and how thou maintayneft thy brauery, thou knoweft hath beene [ 10 ] both from Heauen and Hell. beene already fufficiently difputed vppoii betweene vs, and by the verdid of a lury, (whom thou falfly accufeft of incon- fiderat partiality) they haue pronounced againft thee, and de- creede on my fide, the which fentence, vntill by a new tryall 5 thou dooft feeke to auerre, thou art not till then able to auoid : I wil not therfore reitterate any matter already handled and fully concluded, but briefly to aunfwere thy pafled fpeeches ; Thou faydft thou wert halfe afraide when I firft ouertooke thee, and I beleue thee, for I perceiued by thy blufhing, that 10 either thou waft in doubt of a Cunfiahle^ that had follow- ed thee with Hue and crye, or of a Bayliffe^ with a writ out of the Kings Bench, that had come to arreft thee : for the geneeofitie thou braggeft of, acknowledging thy felfe to be a gentleman, & accounting me for a pefant, I will deale plainly 15 with thee in that : there be fome fooles in deede like thy felfe, that doo cal thee Mafter Veluet breeches^ & mee they call good- man Cloth breeches^ but looke generally through al the parts of England, and you fhall fee the goodman Cloth breeches at home keeping good Hofpitalitie, when Ma. Veluet breeches 20 fels away his houfe, or keepes his doores fhut and will not be fpoken withall : for the company which thou fayft thou haft kept, wher I might be aftiamed to fhew my face, I know not wher it fhold be, vnlefTe in fome brothel houfe, for thofe be the places where thou moft frequenteft : wherin thou haft truely 25 fpoke, for there in deed I would be much aftiamed to be feene. Veluet breeches would faine haue replyed, but that I in- terrupted him in thefe words, faying. My Mafters and very good friends both, I perceiue you haue not read al my bookes, which I haue purpofly put forth 30 for the benefite of my Countrymen, for if you had but feene Greenes farewell to folly, me thinkes the bare tytle, without turning ouer leafe to looke further into the matter, might haue moued you to this confideration, that the very ground of your contention is meere folly and flat fooliftines, the which 35 you ftiould haue ftiaken hands withall, and fo to haue bid it adieu, taking a faire farewel of a foule ouerfight : and in one other of my bookes, called Greenes groats worth of wit: why, if there were but one peny worth of wit equally diftributed B 2 betweene [ II ] Greenes newes betweene you both, you would neuer vfe to quarrell, & fal to- gether by the eares as you trauell by the way : blame me not my good Countrymen, though I vfe bitter expulfiues to expel your grofle errors, you are trauelling I perceiue to a place of blefled peace & quiet reft, what wold you think to enter with 5 malicious mindes ? no, the Porter is circumfpedl, & can looke narrowly into mens difpofitions. You Maifter Veluet breeches^ you are a Gentleman, and you are brauely futed & gallantly apparrelled, and you peraduenture will looke for preheminence : but doo you think that either your great tytle lo or gay clothes will any thing at all ftand you in fteede : no, for S. Teter will firft looke into your Scutchine, (for if you be a Gentleman you muft fhewe your armes, otherwife you will be proued but a counterfeit, and thofe S. Feter cannot abide) and if there fhall be found either in the coate or creft, 15 any bloody or cruell beaft, any rauenous or deuouring foule, or any other marke or token whatfoeuer, whereby it may ap- peare, that your gentry hath beene aduaunced by rape, by rauen, by bribery, by deceipt, by oppreflion, by extortion, by vfury, by periury, and to make fhort, by any manner of fraud 20 and fubtiltie, you are vtterly vndoone, he will locke the gates againft you, hee will not fuflFer you to enter. And you good- man Cloth breeches^ peraduenture you vnder your fimple attyre and homely habit, you thinke to find fo much the more fauour: but I can tell you it will not ferue the turne, for S. 25 Peter (huts out fortie falfe knaues in a yeere, that come cree- ping thether in Fryers coates, and Monkes Coules. I am now to put you in mind of an other of my Bookes, called Greenes neuer too late: O that you had but read ouer that Booke in time, but nowe it is too late for me to fpend 30 fuch wiihes, and more later for you to redreffe your former follyes, it refteth then that we agree together like friends, and trauell together like louing Countreymen : let vs not exhibite complaints one againft an other, for you fhall finde we fhall be charged with matters more than we fhall well 35 be able to aunfwere. Truely faid Veluet breeches^ your wife perfwafions hath fo [ 12 ] both from Heauen and Hell. fo lenefied my cholloricke pafllon, that I am contented for this prefent iourney, to admit of Cloth breeches as a compa- nion : neither is it himfelfe that I doe fo much difpife, but his meane and fimple attyre. 5 And for my part (anfwered Cloth breeches) I can be con- tented to pafle in friendly maner with Veluet breeches', ney- ther is it his gay apparrell that I find fault withall, but with his feuerall and fundry abufes. Well then (faid I) I hope the greateft part of this quar- lo rel is at an end for the prefent, let vs therfore fpend no longer time with any further difcourfings, but let vs goe forwards till wee haue likewife ended our iourney : agreede faid they, and forwardes wee went, and within a very fmall diftance we might perceiue a farre more cleere and radient light, than 15 euer before till that prefent wee had beholden, and immedi- atly wee might beholde the tops of the heauenly buildings, whofe towers and turrets were of fuch exceeding brightnes, that our eyes dazeled, we were not able diredly to looke vpoii them, which gaue vs fo great comfort, that we mended our 20 pace, tyll at the laft we might heare the moft fweete and de- legable melody, that euer (I thinkej happened to any eares, the harmony not poffible to bee defcrybed ; and by this time we were come hard to heauen gates, which we found fhutte and faft locked, and at the leaft, a hundreth perfons walking 25 vp and downe with fad and heauie countenances, conferring now and then by two or three together, making femblance by the fhewe of their behauiour, that their mindes were per- plexed with fome diftrefied griefe. This fpedacle made mee wonderfully to mufe, what I might think of the matter, but 3° we three holding ftill in company, paffed too and fro by them, and they lykewife by vs, we knowing none of them, nor they knowing none of vs : at the laft meeting with one al alone by himfelf, whofe graue & fober afpeds, argued a ftayed and dif- creete mind, and leauing my company for the time, I fingled 35 him out, fir ft faluting him with a courteous Conge ^ the which he as kindly returning me agayne, I began in this fort to enter parle with him. B 3 Courteons [ ra ] Greenes newes Courteous Syr, if a ftrangers boldnefTe might not breed offence, I would requeft you to fatiffie mee but in this one demaund, I am (as you may perceiue) vnacquainted in this place, hauing taken a tedious and painfull trauell, and being now arriued, would be glad to vnderftand the fuccefle of my 5 iourney, and I haue walked too & fro heere this long hower, and in all this fpace I could neuer fee any one pafTe either in or out, nor the gate fo much as opened, which feemeth ftrange vnto mee, confidering the multitude which doo frequent the place, it makes me iealous, that all fhould not be well in hea- lo uen, and to growe into fufpition of I know not what. Truely my good friend (anfwered this graue fir J it fhould feeme you haue neuer bin a futer, that wold looke for fo quick a difpatch, you haue walked vp and down (you fay) heere this hower, and there be heere in this company that haue trauel- 15 led as farre as you, and haue walkt vp and downe heere this moneth, peraduenture a yeere, perhaps more, and would bee glad if they might be difpatched yet, within a weeke, a fort- night, or a moneth, yea, if it were fomwhat more, they would be glad euen then to come to an end of their futes, you muft 20 (Syr) therefore be contented to ftay your time, & to take your fortune, and thinke you came hether in a very happy houre, if you be difpatched in a quarter of a yeere. Your news fir (faid I) doth not a little make me wonder, but if without offence I might but deale thus much farther with you, what might be 25 the caufe I befeech you, that there Is no more regard to y dif- patching of poore futers, that haue laboured & tyred thcfelues many wayes in hope to haue heere a fpeedy releafe, afwel for y redreffe of their fuftained wrogs, as alfo to be rewarded as they fhalbe found worthy by defart ? for as it is fuppofed, this 30 is the very place where luftice & right is moil duely admi- niftred, & therfore is accounted the only place of comfort : but can there be any greater wrong, than for a man to be fo long deferred from his right? or may there be a more difcomfort, than when a man fhall neuer hope to haue end of his futes.'' 35 My good friend (anfwered the other againe) although you haue faid no more than is truth : but yet fomething for your better fatif-fadion, your confideration muft haue fome refer- [ 14 ] rence both from Heauen and Hell. rence to y time, for one of y greateft matters that doth hinder the forwarding of futes at this inftant, ouer it hath beene in times paft, is this, in briefe to be fpoken, the wonderfull af- fayres of great importance, and the continuall bufines that 5 S. Peter is dayly troubled withall. What I pray fir (fayd I) is S. Peter more troubled with bufineffe now, than in times paft he hath beene? O fir (faid the other) you neede not doubt of that, & there is great reafon for it, that it can not otherwife be, he hath fo ma- lo ny affaires to run through, that it is almoft thought impofifi- ble how he ftiould execute the all : for firft, he is Knight Por- ter heere of heauen gates, a place I warrant you of no lefl!e charge than trouble : then, he is conftituted the Prince of the Apoftles, & confirmed in that authority by all the Popes for 1 5 this three or fourehundreth yeere, fo that al the reft of the Apoftles can doo nothingwithouthis allowance,andwhatfoeuer he dooth they cannot recall: then, he is the Popes Factor, & hath the hand- ling&determiningof all caufesfor him,and hath latelybin more troubled with his brablements, for the holding vp of S. Peters 20 chayre, than with all the Kings & Princes again inChriftendom: fourthly,he is the Mafter of the Requefts, chofen by the papifts to prefent their prayers to God, and theyply him eueryday with moe pelting peticions, than his leyfure will permit to looke ouer in amoneth after : thefe & fo many other matters hee hathftillto 25 looke into, that if he had fixe able bodies, they were all too little to run through his other afFayres. Why (faide I) this is a pitteous cafe, that hauing fuch infinite bufines,as I perceiue by your fpeeches, that he hath not fome ai- fiftantstohelpe him, & that fo many troubles fliould not lye all on 30 one mans necke. Well (faid he) this is your opinion, you haue gyuen your ver- dit,buthaue you notlearned, Quodjupra noSy nihil ad nos: itisnot for you & me to fay what is behoouefull for Saints, they knowe their times & what is neceflliry, better than you or I can inftrudl 35 the, &therfore not to be found faultwithal in any oftheir dealings. Thefe fpeeches ended, giuing him great thankes for his curtefie, I returned againe to my two Companions, Veltiet breeches and Cloth breeches^ to whom I imparted all my newes [ 15 ] Greenes newes newes, which ftrooke them both into a fuddain dumpe, but efpecially Cloth breeches^ whofe trayning vppe had not beene accuftomed much to giue attendance, but it fell out, the very fame after noone, that our Lady^ with the eleauen thoufand Virgins, had beene walking in the garden to take 5 the ayre, & in her comming backe, fortuning to looke out at a Cafement, fhe fawe vs altogether as we were walking, and calling to her Gentleman vfher, (hee demaunded what wee were. He aunfwered, that we were Suters, which there did giue our attendance. Alas poore foules (faid fhee) 1 did per- lo ceiue in deede by their pittious lookes, that their minds were troubled with forrowe and griefe, and without any other wordes fpeaking, fhe departed, and caufing all other bufines to be for the time fet a part, fhee tooke order that all futers fhould prefently be difpatched. 15 The next morning fomething early, S. Veter came foorth to a place where he vfeth to fit for the hearing of caufes, for that there is a cuftome, that if any man doe but once get hys feete within heauen gates, hee is neuer after thruft out, and therefore hee taketh aflured order that none may enter, but 20 fuch as ihall be thought worthy for their defarts to continue the place. S. Peter hauing nowe feated himfelfe, order was taken that euery futer fhoulde fuccefliuely bee heard, he that had remayned longeft to be firft called, and fo to proceede to the fecond in due courfe accordingly. I and my two compa- 25 nions were the lateft that were there arriued, and therefore the laft to be difpatched : the reft were examined by one and one, and that in fuch feuere and ftraight manner, that a- mongft euery ten, there were fcarce one admitted to haue entrance into heauen, the Articles that were obieded againft 30 them, were too many in this place to bee rehearfed, but one thing I noted well, which was, there were fome that fhewed him the Popes Pafport, fealed with lead vnder his priuie Sygnet, but lefus how S. Peter did be foole them, to fhewe him fuch a writing, being not confirmed vnder the handes 35 of the foure Euangelifts, he commaunded them prefently to a- uoyde and to come no more in his fight. Our [ 16 ] both from Heauen and Hell. Our turnes being now come to fay for our felues, I was the firft of the three that was called for: S. Peter demaun- ded of me what might be my name, and what trade I had v- fed. I tolde him my name was Robert Greene^ by profeflion 5 a Scholler, and commenced Maijier of Artes. O (quoth S. Peter) I haue heard of you, you haue beene a bufie fellowe with your penne, it was you that writ the Book.es of Cony- catching^ but firra, could you finde out the bafe abufes of a company of petty varlets that liued by pilfering cofonages, lo and could you not as well haue difcryed the fubtill and frau- delent pradlifes of great Conny-catchers^ fuch as rides vpon footeclothes, and fometime in Coatches, and walkes the ftreetes in long gownes and veluet coates : I am fure you haue beene in Weftm'infter Hall^ where you haue feene poore 15 Clyants animated to commence adtions, and to profecute futes till they haue brought themfelues to beggery, & when all is fpent they are turned off like fooles, and fent home by weeping-crofle. And let me fee now if any of your Crosby- terSj your Lyfters, your Nyppers^ your Foyjiers^ or any other 20 of the whole rabblement of your Conny-catchers, cal him by what name you lift, be like vnto thefe, or more mifchiuous in a Common-wealth. Then haue you couitous Landlords, that dooth daily fo exadt and cheate of their poore Tennants, that they were better light into the laps of a Cutpurfe, then 25 to dwell within the precinds of a Cut-throte. Yet haue you a proude kinde of Conny-catchers, that hauing but a Penner and ynckhorne hanging at his gyrdle, yet creeping into fome great mans fauour to become his Clarke or Secretary, by plaine Conny-catching^ within very fewe yeeres, will pur- 30 chafe three or foure hundred pound land a yeere. Or fhoulde I put you in mind of great Conny-catcherSy placed in Offices, who are continually building of houfes, and ftill purchafing of reuenewes to leaue to theyr heyres, perhaps by deceiuing the Prince, or coffoning the Subiedl, 35 but how fhould they compafle fo great aboundance, but by fome pradife in Conny-catch'tng: vnlefle they be fuch which the Prince dooth fauour, of whom fhe beftoweth many gra- C. cious [ 17 ] Greenes newes cious and liberall gyfts : I will not fay there bee Conny-cat- chers amongft Clergy men, that will catch at a Benefice fometime before it falles, and nowe and then by Simonie or other corruption hauing catched two or three, can be con- tented likewife to catch their Tythes from their poore flock, 5 but very feldome to feede them, or to catch any of their foules to the kingdome of heauen. But now my freend take this for your anfwer, you that coulde bufie your felfe to fable out fo many follies without indifFerency, and to become a wryter with fuch partialitie, I mufl: tell you truth, heauen is no ha- 10 bitation for any man that can looke with one eye and wincke with the other, for there mufl: none reft there that dooth vfe to haulte, but fuch as be plaine and true dealing people. I woulde very faine haue replyed in mine owne excufe, but S. Peter cut me off^, telling me that I was aunfwered, 15 and that hauing mine aunfwere, I flioulde trouble him no further. And foorthwith fpeaking to hym that flood next mee, aflced hym his name. Who told hym that he was called Vel- uet breeches. S. Feter aflced hym further, what Countrey- man he was. He aunfwered an Engli/Iiman. I cannot think 20 you to be a naturall Engli/hman^ fayd S. Peter, for that I neuer heard of any of your name in that Country. Yes Syr (if it pleafe you) faid Veluet breeches, my auncefters came in with the Conqueft, and my predeceflburs haue flill conti- nued Gentlemen both of Worfliip and credite. 25 As Veluet breeches had ended thefe words, there happe- ned to come by, diuers Princes that had raigned Kinges of England, all of them mounted vpon great Horfl^es, and had beene abroade vppon the greene running at the Ring: the which Princes being efpyed by S. Peter, he called vnto the, 30 requefting them a little to ftay : and then poynting to Vel- uet breeches, he demaunded if any of them did knowe hym, or any of hys name remaining in Englande, in the tyme of theyr raignes and gouernments ? But they denayed altoge- ther that euer they had feene hym, or euer known any Gen- 35 tleman of Englifli byrth that was of his name. Amongft this royall troupe, was King Henry the thyrd, and [ 18 ] both from Heauen and Hell. and he confidently protefted, y in the time of his raigne, there was no fuch perfon to be found, for faid hee, I fent one of my feruants to buy me a payre of hofe, and hee returned againe with a payre that was but of fixe fiiillinges and eyght pence 5 the price : wherewith I being difpleafed, tolde him that I would haue had hym befliowed a marke of a payre, but hee faid there were none fuch to be gotte. But as for the other C/ot/i breeches that ftandeth by hym, I know him very wel by his lookes, he dooth fo much refemble his auncefi:ers, and lo hath the very liuely pidlure of his Predeceflburs, the which were very honeft: plaine dealing men, without any manner of falfiiood or deceite. S. Peter thanked them of their paines, and thus the Prin- ces departed, who beeing gone, S. Peter faide: You haue 15 heard Ma. Veluet breeches what hath pafl^ed, but yet becaufe you haue auouched your felfe to be a Gentleman, you fhall haue thys fauour, we will examine fome other of later time, who peraduenture may better call you to remembraunce. There flioode a Meflenger by, whom S. Peter willed pre- 20 fently to goe fetch hym fome Englifhman^ that was but of fome tenne or twenty yeeres refidence in the place, charging hym to goe with fpeede, and to make a quicke returne. The Mefl!enger met with a company that were newe come out of a Tennis courte, amongft whom was a Mearcer, that 25 within thefe tenne yeeres had dwelt in Cheapfide^ hym the Mefi!enger brought to S. Peter^ who demaunded of him, if he did know a Gentleman in England^ called by the name of Ma. Veluet breeches. Yea marry fayde the Mearcer, I know him to my cofl:, for thys is he that fl:andes by me, and 30 heere I auouch it before his face that hee is no Gentleman, but a proude difl^embler, and a cofoning counterfeite : which if it fhal pleafe you to giue me leaue, 1 will proue before this holy companie. Saint Peter aunfwered, we doo not onelie giue you leaue, but alfo doe fi:raightly commaunde you to 35 fpeake a truth, and withall, to fpeake no more then is truth, what you are able to charge him withall, and howe you are able to prooue your words. C 2 The [ 19 ] Greenes newes The Mearcer aunfwered, it were too much Impiety for a man in my cafe to raife any (lander, or malicioufly to accufe any man wrongfully : but to the end the trueth of the matter might more euidently appeare, I muft craue pardon a little to vfe circumftances, and thus it foiloweth. 5 About fourteene or fifteene yeeres fince, when I kept a fhop in Cheapfide, following there my trade, this counterfet Gentleman, being conforted with another of his owne pitch, a byrde of the fame feather, although in times paft, his onely familiar itie was but with Dukes, Earles, Lordes, and fuch 10 other worthy perfonages, yet at this day an ordinary com- panion, and conuerfant with euery fkypiacke, and himfelfe of bafe condition and a common Cofoner, his name called Silke Jlockings. Thefe two copefmates, Veluet breeches and S)ilke jlockings changing theyr names, and becaufe I 15 will not be offenfiue to other Gentlemen, that peraduenture be of the fame name which they then tooke to themfelues, I will call Veluet breeches maifter White^ and S,ilke Jlock- ings^ he fhall be maifter Blacky thefe two counterfeite Gen- tlemen, maifter White and maifter Blacky prouiding them- 20 felues of Lodgings, Maifter White as it might be in Graties Jlreete^ in a houfe where no body knewe him, and Maifter Blacke in Fanchurch Jlreete, faft by where he found as little acquaintance. Theyr Lodgings being thus prouided, Mai- fter White walking into Poules^ and feeing many bils fette 25 vp on the Weft doore by fuch as wanted Maifters, perufing the bylles, and finding one that he thought might be fitte for his purpofe, (and in truth was as cofoning a knaue as hee himfelfe) gaue notice vnder the bill, that he fhoulde repaire into Graties Jlreete^ and at fuch a figne enquire for Maifter 30 White. The fellow finding his bill fubfcribed, (and hoping now to light vpon fome cheate) made haft the fame night, & came to Ma. Whites Chamber: Sir (faith hee) I perceiue your Worfliip wants a feruant, and I am the party whofe byll 35 it hath pleafed you to fubfcribe, and would be glad to take a- ny paines with a good Maifter to pleafe him. O fayes Ma. White [ 20 ] both from Heauen and Hell. fVhite art thou he ? Marry it is truth, I would giue enter- tainement to a young fellowe that woulde be dilligent and trufty. If it pleafe you fir, (anfwered the party that meant nothing but deceite) I will finde you fuerties for my trueth 5 and good behauiour. Thou fayeft well (fayes Ma. White^ but truft me, I like thy lookes well, mee thinkes thou haft a good honeft face : but tel me if thou wilt be with me, I muft haue thee immediatly. Sir, anfwered the other, if it pleafe you to giue me leaue 10 till the Morning, that I might fetch fome few things that I haue to fhift me withall, I will then attend your Worfhyp. Very well (faies Ma. White) thou maift doo fo, and till then farewell. Heere was now a Maifter and a man well met, for the 15 Maifter meant to vfe his man but to ferue his turne for a poynt of cofonage, and the man meant to vfe his Maifter, til he might finde oportunity, to runne away with his purfe or fome other of his apparrell, as he had doone before with ma- ny others. But according to appointment, in the Morning 20 trufty Roger came, and was receiued of hys Maifter, who now with his "man at hys heeles, frequented his freend Ma. Blacks Chamber for a day or two, and the one of them could not be without the others companie, but maifter Black muft dyne with maifter White at his Chamber, and Ma. White 25 muft fuppe wyth maifter Blacke in his Chamber: but the fe- quell was, maifter White with his feruaunt attending of hym, walking into Cheapfide^ and lighting into my flioppe, demaunded of my feruaunts where their Maifter was, they told him that I was within, & that if it pleafed him to haue 30 any thing with me, they would call me. Yes marry would I (fayes he,) I pray you call him, for I wold fpeake with him. One of them tellino' me that there was a Gentleman in the o ftioppe that would fpeake with me, I came downe, and Ma. White firft curteoufly faluting me, began in this fort to dif- 35 courfe with me. Sir, I am a Gentleman, belonging to fuch a Noble man in the North parts of England^ and in trueth the Steward of C 3 hys [ 21 ] Greenes newes hys houfe, and hauing now fome bufines for my Lord heere in the Citty, which 1 am come to difpatch, I muft difburfe fome mony vpon Veluets & other Silkes both for my Lorde and Lady, and I tell you trueth they are fuch wares as I haue little fkyl to make choyce of: the matter why I was 5 defirous to fpeake with you, was but to commit that truft to your felfe which I durft not aduenture with your man, and my requeft is, that you would deale fo honeftly with me, as I might not be deceiued in the choyce of my ftuffe, the bene- fite that you fhall winne by your good vfage is, you fhall re- lo ceiue ready mony for fuch wares as I meane at this prefent to buy, and you fhall winne a cuftomer, of whom heereafter you may take greater fummes. I hearing his fmooth fpeeches deliuered vnder pretence of honefty, and feeming otherwife, both in the fhow of his ap- 15 parrell and the dutifull attendance of his man, that hee had beene (indeede) fome Gentleman of reputation and good re- coning, defirous fo much the rather to win fuch a cuftomer, I tolde him that I woulde not onely fitte him with as good ftuffe as any man in London ftiould ftiew hym, but alfo in 20 the price I would vfe him with fuch reafon, as in any other place they were able to affoorde him : the which promife (in very deede) I meant faithfully to performe. Heere-withall, he drew a paper foorth of his pocket, wher- in he began to reade : Item for my Lord^ two yardes and a 25 halfe of Blacke veluet, and two yardes and a halfe of Ruftet veluet, for two payre of Hofe, with three yards and a halfe of Black fattine, and as much of Ruffet for dublyting. Item for my Lady, fourteene yardes of the beft three pylde veluet for a loofe Gowne, with fixe yards of Peach-coloured fatine 3° for her Petticoate. Item for Miftris lane & Miftris Fraun- ces, fourteene yards of double turffed Taffita for each of the a Gowne: and twelue yardes of Cornation fatine for theyr Petticoates. To coclude he brought me out fo many Items, that the prices of the wares amounted to 50. and od pounds, 35 the which when I had forted him out, he began to find fault that they were too high rated, praying me to fette my loweft price, [ ^~2 ] both from Heauen and Hell. price, for that he meant to pay ready money, and therefore if I would not be reafonable, hee muft be driuen to feeke fome other fhoppe. I very loath to driue him away, pitcht him a price fo reafonable, as in truth I was not able better cheape 5 to affoord them : but hys mind being onely fette vppon cofo- nage, told me he durft not aduenture to gyue fo much mony, and thus away he went. Within an houre after, hauing fent away his man, which of purpofe he had doone, he returned againe, and find- lo ing me in my fhop, he afked me if I would abate no money in my ftuffe: I thinking hee had beene fome other where to cheapen, told him I had rated them fo reafonably, as I was able to affoord them : and that I was fure, in anie fhoppe where he had fince beene, he had not found the like wares for 15 the like price. Nay truelie, (fayde hee) I haue not beene in any other place to cheapen any fuch ftuffe, but yet fince I left your houfe I haue difburfed fortie poundes in other thinges, that I haue fent to my Lodging by my man : but I fee you are 20 hard, and yet fith I haue dealt thus farre with you, I will not forfake you, come therefore and cutte me of the parcels. The which accordingly I did, and laying them together, hee defired me to caft the totall fumme, the which as before I haue fayd, amounted to fifty and od pounds. 25 Syr, (fayd hee) I muft craue to borrow one of your fer- uaunts, to helpe me home with thys ftuffe, and hee fhall bring you your money: I haue fent mine owne man about bufines, and haue no body heere nowe to helpe mee. Very well Syr fayd I, my man fhall waite vpon you, or doe any 30 other curtefie. And thus willing one of my men to take vp the ftuffe and follow him, I deliuered him a note what mony he was to receiue. Together they goe, til they came to his Cham- ber in Grades Jireete^ where they found hys man remaining, 35 who (indeed) was fomewhat perplexed in hys mind, becaufe there was nothing there of hys Maifters, that was woorth the carrying away, vnleffe he fhould haue taken the fheetes from [ 3.3 ] Greenes newes from the bedde, but that he deferred, hoping fhortly to lyght of a better cheate. But Ma. White demaunded of his man, if Maifter Black had not beene there fmce his comming into the Chamber ? who anfwered him no, neither had hee feene him all that day. 5 Maifter JVhite with that feemed as though he began to be angry, and willed his man prefently to haft to his Cham- ber, and to will him withall fpeede, to bring away the two hundred pounds y he was to receiue, or at the leaft to bring one of them with hym immediatly, for that hee was to pay lo the greateft part of it to one that ftaied in hys Chamber for it. Away went hys man, and in the meane time Ma. White entertained my man in this manner. He afked him if he had any acquaintance with fome Goldfmith in the row that was his freend, and would vfe him well in the buying of a Chaine 15 and a payre of Bracelets, and not to exact too much of him for the faftiion. My man told hym, that he was well acquainted with two or three that woulde deale very reafonably wyth hym. Hee feemed to gyue my man great thanks, and told him, 20 that fo foone as hys man was returned, and that he had payd hym his money, he would himfelfe goe backe with hym and buy them. Hys owne man in thys meane fpace, was come to Maifter Blacks Chamber, whom hee founde within, pro- uided for the purpofe, and was as bufie with a Standiftie, a 25 great many of papers lying before hym, and a whole fette of Counters in hys hand, as though he had been cafting vppe of as huge fummes as the King of Spayne receiueth from the Indyes. He had likewife lying before hym, a great bagge full ftuff'ed, making fliow as if it had beene a great bagge of 3° mony : the fight whereof gaue the Meffenger fo good an a- petite, that he wiftied the bagge and hymfelfe tenne myles out of the place. But dooing hys Maifters meflage, maifter Black anfwered hym that he was fo full of prefent bufines, that he could not ftirre foorth from hys Chamber, but (fayth 35 he, the money thou feeft where it lyeth, and if he will come hymfelfe, or fend fome other to tell it and receiue it. Why Syr [ 24 ] both from Heauen and Hell. Syr f fayde the other) if you pleafe to deliuer me the money, I can carry it. Yea (fayes Maifter Black) but your Maifter I perceiue is in fuch hafte, as hee would be offended if you fhould ftay the telling of it, but goe your wayes to him and 5 tell him what I haue faid, and then let him choofe whether he will come or fend, the money is heere ready for him, away goes this companion, comforting him with the affured hope, that the carrying of this bagge would haue lighted to his lot, which if it had, he ment to haue giuen them all the flyp, or his 10 cunning fhould haue fayled him : but comming to his Mai- fter, hee tolde him that Maifter Black was fo bufie in his Chamber cafting vp of accounts, that he could not come, but Syr (faide he) the money I did fee lying vpon the Table rea- dy for you, and he would haue delyuered it vnto me, but that 15 I feared my long ftaying in the telling of it might haue of- fended you. Why then (faide Maifter White) goe your waies backe agayne, and I will intreate this good fellow to goe with you, fmeaning by my man) to whom he further faid : I pray thee 20 my good friende doe fo much as goe with my man, and firft pay your felfe according to your note, and helpe him then to tell out the reft, for I thinke his fkill will fcarce ferue him to tell fo much money, and drawing out of hys pocket, a payre of gold weights, which he delyuered to my man, he fayd, and 25 I befeech you if any part of his payment be in gold, fee that it be neither crackt nor crafed, and that it carries weight, and I pray you in your comming backe againe with my man, doo fo much as call in heere, and I in the mean time will difpatch • a little bufines, and will by that time be ready to goe with 30 you vnto the Goldfmythes rowe, where I muft craue your helpe for the buying of this Chayne and Bracelets. My man fufpefting no manner of deceipt, went a long with hys man : but comming to Maifter Blacks Chamber, there was no body to be founde, neyther coulde any of the Seruants 35 of the Houfe, faye whither hee was gone, they fawe him goe foorth but a little before their comming in, but whi- ther he went they could not tell ; whereupon, they both toge- D ther [ 25 ] Greenes newes ther returned backe againe to certifie Maifter White \ but comming to his Chamber, he was likewife gone, and had carryed away all the fame ftuffe which my Seruant had left with him : my man begynning but nowe to fufpedl, when it was too late, immediatly caufed the Officers 5 to lay holde of Maifter Whites man, and hee was carried diredlly to the Counter^ where hee beganne to curfe the time that euer hee mette with fuch a feruice, confeffing that hee had coofoned many Mayfters before, but nowe hee had met with a Mayfter that had a little ouer-reached lo him. But I vppon my mans returne, came to the places where they had beene lodged, and made what inquiry I coulde, but there was no body that had any manner of knowledge of them, for they came thether not aboue foure or fiue dayes before, making fhewe that they were newe 15 come foorth of the Countrey, and that the Carryers were not yet come with theyr Trunckes and apparell, and du- ring the time of theyr aboade, had neuer fpent peny in the houfe, for meate, drinke, nor lodging, which made them proteft, it fhoulde bee a warning vnto them, what gueftes 20 they receiued againe fo long as they kept houfe, and heere was all the remedy that I could haue, but in the ende I had intelligence of many other like coofonages, they had com- mitted in the Cittie, and the parties were well knowne to bee Maifter Veluet breeches & Maifter ^ilke JiockingSy two 25 counterfeit Gentlemen, that to maintain their brauery, prac- tifed fuch deceipts, and would not ftick many times to rob by the high way: for the Varlet comitted to the Counter, whom I could no waies charge with any pra6life towards mee, I . releafed him freely, but for fome other villainies which before 30 he had committed to others, and by himfelfe confefted, he was whipped at a Cartes arfe, and after burnt through the eare, and fo commaunded to auoyde the Cittie. Thus much (as it hath pleafed you to commaund me) I haue truely fignified, what knowledge I haue had of thys 35 Gentleman, Maifter Veluet breeches. S. Peter ftanding vp, faide: Veluet breeches, thou haft heard [ 26 ] both from Heauen and Hell. heard what hath beene auouched againft thee, and I wonder howe thou durft prefume to prefent thy felfe in this place, knowing the guiltinefTe of thine owne confcience : but I fee thou art fhameleffe, and for fuch perfons as thou art there is 5 an other place prepared, to the which thou muft depart, for heere thou mayft not bide : then fpeaking to Cloth breeches he faid, and for thee Cloth breeches^ of whom I haue heard fo good report, thou maift feperat thy felfe from thy two compa- nions, & enter into that blifTe, where thou fhalt find a happy 10 reward for an honeft life; and thus as hee was (by feeming) ready to depart, he efpyed where one was comming alone by himfelfe, within a little diftance, whom S. Peter perceyuing to be a ftraunger, ftayed his comming, and then fpeaking vn- to him, he demaunded of him what he was : who aunfwered, 15 that he was a poore Yorkefhyre man, a Brick-layer by his oc- cupation, and one that had truely laboured for his lyuing all the dayes of his life : and (fayde he) our Maifter Vicar hath many times tolde vs, that if we get our lyuings honeftly with the fweat of our browes, wee fhall goe to heauen, and 20 therewe fhold haue fuch peace, fuch quyet, fuch ioy, fuch com- fort, fuch pleafure, and fo many God morrowes, I cannot tel what, but (of his words) I haue had but an ill-fauoured iour- ney hether, and what I fhall find I cannot tell yet. S. Feter feeing his fimplicitie, fayde, why then my freind 25 come and followe me, and tell me heereafter howe thou likeft of the place. The fellowe haftily replyed, faying: I pray fir let mee firft aike you a queftion, doo vfe to let any women come into Heauen amongft you .'' 30 Why not (faide Saindl Peter^ what ftiould make thee to doubt of that ? Why then I pray fir ffayde the other) did there not a woman come hether about a fix weekes a goe, with a bleare eye, a fnottie nofe, a blabber lippe, a fl:incking breath, 35 her voyce was very fiirill, and her fpeech thicke and fiiort. But how dooft thou call her name (fayde S. Peter) whom thou haft defcribed, with fo many louely tokens } D 2 Her [ 37 ] Greenes newes Her name (faide the other) is called Margery SweetCy but yet more oftner called by the name of Mannerly Margery. Why fhe is in heauen (faide S. Peter) and if thou haft a- ny thing to fay to her, thou mayft there finde her ? Mary God bleffe me from thence (faide the other) if fhee 5 be there, I knowe her fafhions too well, to come any more where fhe is, fhee was my wife, and I was married to her fixteene or feuenteene yeeres, and I faith all heauen would be too little for her and mee, and if we fhould once meete againe, but I am now ridde of her, and I hope I will keepe mee fo, lo {he fhal not caft it in my teeth, that I was fo far in loue with her to follow her, as fhe hath many times doone : telling me, that if I had not beene fhe might haue had a Minftrell, that would haue got more money in a weeke with his Fiddle, than I could get in a moneth, with laying of Brick. 15 S. Peter, with the reft of the company, hearing the mad difpofition of the fellowe, departed, leauing behinde him, my felfe, Veluet breeches, and this Brick-layer, who forfooke to goe into heauen becaufe his wife was there ; you may eafily gefte, Veluet breeches and I were perplexed with forrowe 20 enough, but it was too late nowe for vs to bethinke our felues what we fhould haue doone, and refted onely for vs to deter- myne what we muft doo, & the further wee found our felues bereaued of all poflibilitie, to recouer agayne what wee had loft, the neerer approached the horror of our griefe and tor- 25 ment : but we had receiued our finall fentence, and there was no place longer for vs to ftay in, the comfort that was left vs, was to fee if wee could finde meanes to gette into Pur- gatorie, hoping there to finde fome releafe, by the prayers and charitable deuotions of good people, and with this refo- 30 lution we fet forward of our iourney : the Brick-layer ouer- taking vs, defired vs to accept of hys company, protefting that he would be a partaker of our fortunes, whatfoeuer did betide vs. Veluet breeches demaunded of him what was his name: 35 The other tolde him that before he was marryed, they called him Ruffling Richard, but after that he was marryed, they neuer [ a8 ] both from Heauen and Hell. neuer vfed better addition than playne Dick. Truely friend Richard (faide Veluet breeches) me thinkes you are too plain, and more fimple, to for fake heauen becaufe your wife is there. I pray you fir (faide Richard) were you euer marryed ? 5 Yes mary was I, (fayde Veluet breeches) but what of that? I doo not vnderftand you faide Richard) for I demaund of you, if euer you had a wife ? And I tell thee I had a wife, (faide Veluet breeches) why dooft thou afke me that? Good Lord (faide Richard) I neuer heard a wife man make fo foo- lolifh an aunfwere, for I afke you if you were marryed? and you fay yes : and when I demaunde if euer you had a wife, you aunfwere, 1 mary had I, and what then? And dooft thou call that a foolifti aunfwere (faide Veluet breeches) what, wouldft thou haue mee fay, yes foorfooth? 15 No fir, no, (faide Richard) but I will teach you fome wit how to aunfwere to fuch a queftion ; when a man dooth afke you if you haue a wife, you muft fay, yes I thanke God, or, yes I cry God mercy, for fo a man fhall diredly vnderftand you : for if you fay, yes 1 thanke God, by that we may vnderftand 20 you haue a good wife, for the which you are bound to thanke God highly, becaufe fewe men dooth happen of the like : but if your aunfwere be, yes I cry God mercy. Sub intelegitur^ fuch a wife as mine was, and then you would neuer haue accounted mee fimple, to leaue heauen to ihunne her compa- 25 nie, becaufe a man ftiall Hue more quietly amongft all the di- uelles of hell, than it is poflible for him to doo, that lights on fuch a wife. Hearing thefe pleafant fpeeches in this manner deliue- red by Richard^ I could not choofe but fmile, notwithftanding 30 my caufe of griefe : and taking it to bee a benefit of fortune, that had vouchfafed to fauour vs with the company of this merry conceited Brick-layer, whereby to beguile our penfiue thoughts with his pleafant difcourfes, in this our tedious trauell. I queftioned with him of his wife, what ftiee was 35 when hee marryed her, whether a widdowe or a mayde, by what meanes hee came acquainted with her, and howe ftiee became fo vnruly. Richard in this fort began to difcourfe. D 3 When [ 29 ] Greenes newes When I was young (faide he) I was as hanfome a fel- lowe, as any was in the parifh where I was borne : and for my valour, I durft haue trauelled into any Gentlemans Buttery, when all the Barrels had beene full, without ei- ther fworde or dagger about me : for my refolution, if I had 5 once gotten vnder a maydens Chamber windowe, I would neuer haue ftarted, till they had emptied a Camber pot on my heade : for my courage, I durft haue gone into a- ny baudy houfe, and woulde haue come out agayne as honeft a man, as when I went firft in: for my credit, lo I might haue runne on the fkore for fix pottes, wyth any Alewife that kept houfe within fiue myles where I dwelt: for my quallities euery manner of way, I had the preheminence amongeft all the youthes that were in our quarters, for at May-tyde^ who was the ring-lea- 15 der for the fetching home of a May-pole^ but I : at Mid- fommer, I was chofen the Sommer Lorde: at euerie Bridall, who muft daunce with the Bryde, but Ruffling Richard: Thus for a pleafant life, the Cunfiahle of the Parifh liued not more merrily than I, and for my reputati- 20 on, I was almoft as much reuerenced as our Church-war- dens : but, as the ftouteft Stond of Ale, at laft is fet a tike, and the fatteft Goofe comes fooneft to the fpitte ; fo, my for- mer fortunes were drawne to their lateft date, and my prime of pleafures concluded with mifhappe : but oh loue, O 25 cruell loue, that waft the firft frunte to my felicities ; But who can refift loue, if it be once crept into the bottome of a mans belly? O what a rumbling it makes in his guttes, and howe it bethrobs him about the heart : and fee nowe the fequel of my miftiap. I fortuned to be at a Sheepe-fliearing, 30 where I met with Margery^ fhe that was my wife, in a fine red petticoate, with damafke vpper bodies, a white apron be- fore her, & vpo her head a broad felt hat, with a braue braunch of rofemary fticking in her bofom, appointed amongft y reft with a payre of fheeres, to helpe ftieare Sheep, and I hauing 35 brought forth a lufty young Ramme, would haue laid him in her lap, but ftie refufing to take him, faid vnto mee : now good friend [ 30] both from Heauen and Hell. friend Richard if you loue mee, bring mee none but poulde (heep, for of al things in the world, I cannot away with thefe horned beaftes. When I heard thefe milde words, thus gen- tly fpoken, & howe kindly fhe pronounced this fentence (Good 5 friend Richard if you loue me) O heauens (thought \) what a fweete charme is this: then noting her modefty, that fliee could not abide the fight of a horned beaft, I began to thinke with my felfe, how happy might that man be accounted, that could light of fuch a wife, & hauing but a little thus giue fcope lo to mine own affedlios, Loue, that had his tinder box ready to ftrike fire, by this time had fet my fanfie of fuch a flame, that not longer able to endure the heate without a cup of Sack, I faide vnto her; Margery^ your manner of phrafe hath won- derfully troubled mee, for in your firft fpeeches you call mee 15 your good friend Richard^ and then you come in with a doubt- full demaund, in thefe words, (if you doe loue me) as though I coulde bee your good friende and yet did not loue you : but Margery^ fith you haue popt mee fuch a doubfull quefl:ion, if you and I were alone by our felues, I would poppe you fuch 20 an aunfwere, that you fhould well find that I loued you, and that heereafter you might leaue out your if, and fay, Richard afle you loue me. With thefe words pretily calling her head at one fide, fhe gaue me fuch a learing looke, that might as well haue daun- 25 ted me with difpaire, as giuen mee comfort & hope of grace: for the one of her eyes was bleard, and feemed as though fhe wept, the other was a pretty narrowe pinckeny, looking euer as though fhe fmylde, fo that in her very countenance at one inftant, you might behold pleafure and paine, pitty and ry- 30 gor, curtefie and crueltie, loue and difdayne : and then wyth a fweete voyce, lyke one that were aflcing an almes, fhee fayde. Richard^ if you loue mee as you faye, your loue fhall not bee loft, but men are fo crafty nowe a dayes 35 before they are marryed, that they will make a mayde beleeue they loue her, tyll they haue gotte vppe her bellie, and then they will not fticke to denye their owne children, and [ 31 ] Greenes newes and that makes women when they be once marryed, to play their hufbands fuch a caft, that they fhall not knowe their own children : but if your loue be no fuch loue Richard^ you fhal not finde me vnkinde. When I heard the wifdom of the wench, it made my pulfes fo to beate, that I had thought my 5 codpifle point would haue fallen a funder ; but for aunfwere I faide. Margery, your fober fpeeches fo wifely deliuered, toge- ther with your fweet countenance fo louely placed, hath fo preuayled with your good friend Richard, that for the better lo confyrmation of my loue, receiue here this token, as a pledge of my good will : and taking then a two peny peece which I had in my purfe, I bowed it and gaue it to her, the which when fhe had receyued, fhe faid. Well Richard, nowe I doo account you as mine owne, 15 and at night when my Mother is gone to bed, if you will come home, we will there talke farther of this matter : & for your welcome, I will beftowe of you a mefle of Creame. Margery (faide I) looke you keepe your promife, for I wil be there, and becaufe you will be at fo much coft with a mefle 20 of Creame, I will bring with mee a peny worth of fpyce- cakes : And although we had thus referred ouer farther fpee- ches till our next meeting, yet during the time that wee re- mayned there in place, O how many amorous glaunces and louing countenances there pafled ftill too and fro betweene 25 vs: but at night my appointed time being come, thether I went, and Margery was at the windowe watching for my comming, who hauing once efpyed mee, fhe opened the doore, where fliee receiued mee with fuch a fweete kifl^e, as if her breath had been lately perfumed for the purpofe, whofe dain- 30 ty fmell was as fauery, as if it had beene a red herring that had beene newly roafted : her louely lippes pleafant and foft, like a locke of wooll that was but then come out of the feame bafket : but fhould I tel you of all the other loue tricks that pafl^ed betweene her and me that night, I might either 35 opprefle your ftomack to thinke of it, or otherwife perhaps make you afhamed to heare it : but let thys fuffyce, before I departed [ 32 ] both from Heauen and Hell. departed, our marriage day was appointed, and Margery in time made her Mother acquainted with the matter, who no- thing mifliking of her Daughters choyce, gaue her her blef- fing, with many other good helps to furnifh forth her bridall 5 day, the which when time had drawne to be folemnized, and that the luftie youthes of the Parrifh were gathered toge- ther to goe with vs to Church, & the young Damofels were flocked on a heape to waite on the Bride, attending her com- ming foorth. The good old woman her Mother, who had been 10 euer chary of the louely Chickin her daughter, and euen at the very inftant when we were ready to goe to Church, fhee was fcooling of her with this exhortation. Margery^ (fayd fhe) the day is nowe come for the which you haue fo much longed after, it is twenty yeeres agoe fince 15 you firft wifhed for a Hufband, and byr Lady daughter you were then feauenteene or eyghteene yeeres of age, fo that at this prefent you want not aboue two or three of forty : nowe if wit went by yeeres, you are olde enough to be wife, but I being your Mother, befides my many yeeres which might 20 aduaunce my {kill, fo I haue buried foure feueral hufbands, (the heauens be praifed for it) which hath fo much the more confirmed my experience in the difpofitions of men, and can the better iudge of their naturall inclinations: and by all that I haue gathered by mine owne proofe and pradife, I 25 haue found it ftill by tryall, that the fantafies of men, are e- uermore beft fitted with the follies of women. But leauing generalities, and to come to fo much as concerneth but thy felfe, that art now to be married to a hufband, who in refpeit of his age thou mighteft be his Mother: and couldeft thou 30 now but confider, what a comfort it is for an olde Woman, to be louingly embraced by a youg man, O daughter daugh- ter, thy mothers mouth begins to water, but with the verie imagination to thinke of the pleafure, and therefore happie maieft thou deeme thy felfe, that art fo likely to enioy it. 35 But heere is now a great peece of difcretion to be vfed, for as age conceiueth fuch contentment with the focietie of frefh and pleafant youth, fo youth will quickly fall a loathing E. of [ 33 ] Greenes newes of cold and crooked age, if the parties be not wife to enforce that by arte, that they are otherwife denaied by nature: which is, to fhew a youthful! difpofed minde, how farre fo- euer they be fpent in yeeres : for it is a tyred lade that can- not cry weehee, and a forry Mare that cannot wag her taile. 5 Thou art nowe to consider the inequalitie of the yeeres be- tweene thy felfe and thy hufbande, and therefore a little to whet him on to make him to like of thee the better, it fhal not be amifle for thee to fhew fome youthfull conceite, efpecially being thy bridall day, it is tollerable for thee a little to play lo the wanton. I can tell thee daughter, men are well pleafed to fee theyr Wiues youthfully gyuen, and there is nothing y doth more delight them, then to fee them wantonly difpofed: and thys is the meane to winne your hufbands liking, and to drawe 15 him to y appetite, which your many yeeres might quenche : remember therefore what I haue told you, and fayle not for your aduantage, to (hew fome youthfull tricke. Margery making a mannerly curtfie, faid: Yes forfooth Mother, I will remember all that you haue told me. 20 By this time all things being prepared, to Church we went, where the Prieft hauing once doone his office, we re- turned againe, and were accompanied with our neighbours and freendes that went home to dinner with vs : for whom there was prouided Fyrmentie and Minced Pyes, befides 25 other good meate both rofte and fodde : the which being all ready, Margery was placed at the vpper end, between two of the moft fubftantiall honeft men, according to the cuftome of the Parrifh, and my felfe likewife, (as the manner was) did waite that day at the Table, with a napkin hanging on 30 my fhoulder. But O what a comfort it was vnto me, to fee how dain- tily Margery fedde of euery difh that came neere her, and how luftily {he laid about her for her vidluales And (thought I) if it be true as fome will fay, that a good feeding Horfe 35 will goe through with his labour, then I warrant if I gyue Margery her meate, I neede not feare to ryde her where I lyft. [34 ] both from Heauen and Hell. lyft. But Dinner beeing almoft at an ende, and the Cake- breade and Cheefe ready to be fette on the Table, the good old Woman her Mother, who had likewife beene very bu- fie that day in taking paynes to fill the pottes, and to carrie 5 away emptie difhes, beganne to cheere vppe the companie, bidding them welcome, and telling them ihe was forry there was no better cheere for them. Margery prefently vpon the fight of her Mother bethought herfelfe what fhe had to doo, and calling now to minde what lo leflbn {he had gyuen her, and howe {hee had willed her that day to fhowe fome youthfull tricke, thereby to purchafe the fauour of her hufband, and picking out at that very inftant a fitte opportunity to performe it, (he called to her Mother in thys youthfull manner, Munna^ vppe and cache. The 15 olde Woman hearing her Daughter, fayd: Why how now Margerie} Fie for fhame, will you fpeake bugges wordes? Could you not pretily haue faide : I pray you Mother haue me vppe to picke a Rofe, nay nowe I fee you play the wan- ton too much. 20 Then fpeaking to the company that fate by, fhe fayde : I pray you beare with my Daughters childifhnes, for I know it is the Firmentie that dooth fo much anoy her, for euen from her very infancie, if fhe had taken any fpoone meate, (he was ftill troubled in the bottome of her back-fide with a 25 great ventofitie. The neighbours feeing the clenlinefle of the wench, did euer after that call her by the name of Mannerlie Margerie. Thus much to anfwer your former demaund concerning my wife, whether fhe were a widdow or a mayd : by the circum- 30 ftances wherof, you may perceiue fhe was a maid, although a very old one, and yet not fo far fpent in yeeres but fhe was able to play a youthfull trick. And now for the reft y concer- neth but the tragedy of mine own mif-fortune : to fignify the matter at large, would be tedious for you to heare, & fearefuU 35 for me to declare, the very memory wherof were enough to make me tremble, but that I know I am farre enough from her that was the minifter of my woe. E 2. Let [ 35 ] Greenes newes Let thys fuffife, within a very fewe Monethes after I was married, Margery beganne to grow ielous, for if (hee had once beene thirfty, and that I wanted money to fende to the Ale-houfe, {he wold tell me that I fpent away my thrift amongft fome other young Queanes : heere began our firft 5 falling out, and to fet forward the matter, there dwelt at the very next houfe by me, a Tayler, who had a wife y was fure once a day to meafure the breadth of her hufbands (houlders with his owne mete-yard. Margery and this Taylors wife grew to be acquainted, 10 and amongft other conclufions it was agreed between them, that to preuent difeafes, and to preferue them in health, they would euery morning next their harts, take a phifical dyet, which was, a full quarte of the quintinfence drawne from an Ale-tub, warmed by the fire, with a grated Nutmeg, halfe 15 a yarde of Black-pudding rofted on a grydyron, a quantitie of falte, with a meafure of fine Wheate-flower, firft made into pafte, and after baked in a loafe of breade : thefe ingre- diences, after they had incorporated altogether, they would afterwards lightly faft till noone. And they founde fuch a 20 commoditie in vfing this Medicine, that if the Tayler and I had not euery morning giuen them mony to pay for the fim- ples, it had not beene good for vs to haue come that day af- ter in their fights : for the Taylors wife, ftiee could handle a mete-yard or a cudgel pafTing nimbly, but Margery had got- 25 ten the pradife of all manner of weapons. For befides that fhe had y vfe of her nayles, which fhe imployed many times about my face, fhe could likewife handle a payre of bellowes about my pate, a payre of tonges a thwart my fhins, a fire- brand fometimes ftiould flye at my head, a ladle full of fcal- 30 ding liquour other-whiles in my bofome, a three footed ftoole, a pot, a candlefticke, or any other thing what foeuer came next her hand, all was one to her : and ftiee had learned fuch a dexteritie in the deliuerie, that they fhould haue come whir- ling about mine eares. 35 In the ende, deuifing with my felfe a remedy for thefe mifchieues, I found the meanes to be made the Cunjlable^ hoping [ 36 ] both from Heauen and Hell. hoping that mine Office woulde haue beene a protedion to me for a yeere, and that fhe durft not haue ftriken her Maie- fties Officer. But within a day or two, it was my fortune to hit on a pot of ftrong Ale, which fhee had fette vp in a corner 5 for her owne drinking, and I (beeing thirfty) gaue it fuch a foupe, that I left very little behind. The which afterwarde when fhe came to feeke for, and founde her ftore fo pittifullie impaired, againft my comming home at night, fhe prouided her felfe of a wafter, and I was no fooner entred the doores, lo but foorth fhe comes with her cudgell in her hand, and wyth fuch a terrible countenaunce, that were able to affi-ight anie man that fhould behold it. Richard, fayd fhee, I had thought you would neuer haue gyuen me occafion to be ielous of you, but now I fee you loue 15 a cuppe of ftrong Ale better then you loue me, and do you not thinke then that I haue great reafon to be difpleafed wyth your vnkindnes towards me, and to beate out that lacke of loue that dooth make you fo lightly to regard me. Margery, fayd I, take heede what you doo, for you know 20 that I am her Maieflies Officer, and heere I charge you in the Queenes name, that you holde your handes. What Maifter Cunftable, faid fhe, haue you gotten an enchaunt- ment for me, or doo you thinke that your charme fhal ferue to excufe you ? No fir no, for nowe you haue deferued double 25 punifhment: firft, you being an Officer if you offer wrong, your punifhment mufl be fo much the more greeuous, and is it not meere iniuftice to take that which was not prouided for you : next, you haue deferued to be well punifhed, for the little reuerence you haue vfed in the execution of your office : 30 commaunding me in the Queenes name to hold my handes with your cap on your head, nor vfing any other duty or re- uerence : but Maifter Cunjlahle, I will teach you howe to vfe an Office, and with that fhe let fiye at my heade, at my fhoulders, at my armes, and ftill fhe would cry, remember 35 heereafter how you doo your Office, remember your duty to the Queene, remember when you commaund in her Maie- flies name, that you put off your cap, and doo it with reue- E 3 rence, [ 37 ] Greenes newes rence : and fuch a number of other remembraunces fhe gaue mee, as I thinke there was neuer poore Confiahle before nor fince, fo inftrudled in an office as I was. To tell you of ma- ny other like remembrances which at other times fhee be- ftowed on me, I (hold but trouble you, but the conclufion is, 5 I am now ridde of her, and they fay that the diftaunce be- tween Heauen and Hell is great, but if they were a funder fiue times further then they be, if I might vnderftand where fhee were in the one, I woulde neuer reft till I were gotte to the other. 10 Richard hauing thus difcourfed the whole courfe of hys life, of his lyking, of his loue, of his pleafure, of his paine, al- though the fubie(5t of the matter were fcarce worth the hea- ring, yet confidering the place whether we were going, it kept a fitte Decorum with the iourny we had in hande: and 15 as the tale it felfe was tedious, fo by this time we were ouer paiTed a long and wearifome way : the beft commoditie, the tra6h was large and fpacious, and ftill difcended downe a Hill into the bothome of a Valley, glooming and melancholy to behold, where we might efpie one with a Waxe Candle 20 lighted in his hand, who was walking by himfelfe, prying and tooting in euery corner, and many times ftumbling, and ready to fall where the way was plaine and fmooth, that we tooke him to be fome blind man that had loft his way, wher- at we began to wonder what he ftiold doo with candle light, 25 that could not fee to guide his fteppes at high noone dayes. But we keeping on our way, were drawn fo neere him that we might perceiue he had the vfe of his eyes, yet hee neuer perceiued vs, till I faluted him, and bade him God fpeede. Whereat he fuddainly ftarted, as if he had beene halfe in a 30 fright, but when he had awhile taken the gaze on vs, hee demaunded of vs how farre we had come that way. I tolde him that we were come from Heauen, and that we were going to feeke out the place of Purgatory, defiring hym that if he were acquainted in thofe quarters, that he would direct 35 vs the ready way to goe thither. Alas Gentlemen (faid he) that is the place that I haue becne [38 ] both from Heauen and Hell. beene feeking for this long Moneth together, and I thinke there is no corner betweene thys and Hell that I haue lefte vnfearched: and were it not for thys holy Candle, whofe vertue is able to defend me from the inchauntment of anie 5 fpirit or deuill, I would thinke I were Goblyn lead, I haue wandered fo farre about, euermore hitting into daungerous high wayes that leadeth to Hell, and coulde neuer finde out the path that fhould bring me to Purgatory. Truly my freend (faid I) if I be not deceiued, the lyght lo which you carry in your hand (wherin you repofe your grea- teft confidence) is the very meane of your miftaking, & hath fo much dimmed your fight and dazeled your eyes, that you cannot fee the right way, but makes you thus to run (tum- bling about, and to wander to and fro, that you your felfe 15 knowes not whether, I would wifh you therefore to leaue it, and you fhall fee fo much the better howe to dired your fteps. What faid he, would you haue mee leaue my holy Candle, marry God and good S. Frauncis blefi^e me out of that mind : but if you be of that Religion, I would be forry to tarrie in 20 your company, vnlefie I might induce you by perfwafion to thinke more reuerently of holy things. Truely (fayde I) a lyttle inducement fhal fuffife to per- fwade me to any reafonable matter, and good counfell is e- uermore to be embraced, but efpecially at this inftant, my 25 cafe being now as it is. Why then (faid he) I will tell you a true tale, wherein you fhall perceiue the wonderfull effed that Holy water hath in working againft the deuill, and this it is. There was not not long fince, a very proper young woman, that was pof- 30 fefled of a fiend, who did fo torment & vexe her, that although (he would not goe to any Sermons, nor would euer receiue the Communion, yet fhe would fometimes goe to Church, and fay her Pater nojler in Englifh, and now and then eate flefii on Fridaies, and would commit many other herefies, 35 which thys deuill tempted and led her to doe. But you fhall fee now, there was a good honeft holy Priefl: that was a Se- minarie, who beeing in place where thys Woman was, and [ 39 ] Greenes newes and lyking her very well, did begin to pitty her cafe, and of meere deuotion prickt forward by a fandified loue, he deui- fed with himfelfe, how he might fully reclaime her to the ho- lie Church : and hauing attempted many pradlifes in vaine, and finding that neyther perfwafion, charme, nor any man- 5 ner of coniuration, was able to remooue the wicked fpyrite from her, his laft helpe was, hee gaue her a glifter of holie Water, the which hee had no fooner put vp into her bodie, but the deuil immediatly forfooke her, that fhe after became a moft Catholique veftell, and was able to reafon fo pro- lo foundly in that Religion, that but with a little blaft of her back fide, (he wold haue made the proudeft Proteftant that ftoode next her to ftop his nofe. An other like miracle I am able to proteft of mine owne knowledge, and this is it. There was a Gentleman that 15 is liuing at this prefent houre, whofe name and dwelling place if I lift I coulde deliuer: thys Gentleman had beene married full out tenne yeeres, during which fpace he neuer had ifTue, although both himfelfe and his wife were very de- firous to haue chyldren. But it fell out that a holy Father a 20 lefuite was priuily harboured in thys Gentlemans houfe, who feeing the Gentlewoman to be a lufty and well-lyking wench to beare chyldren, did minifter vnto her the holy fa- crament of extreme vndlion, anoyling her partes of genera- tion with holy oyle, and laying the figne of the crofTe ouer 25 her as fhe lay on her bed, and thys Gendewoman for three yeeres together that thys holy father lay in her houfe, had e- uery yeere a childe : and therfore moft happy may thofe peo- ple thinke themfelues, that doth retaine and fofter fuch holie gueftes nowe in thefe dangerous tymes, if it were but to 30 haue theyr Wiues hallowed, and to be made holy veflels. But if I ftioulde heere enlarge further, what miracles hath beene wrought, by Holie Water^ Holy Candles^ Holy A/hes.^ Holy Oyles, Holie LambeSy and many other holy Reliques, I knowe I ftioulde minifter fo much contentment 35 to your conceite, as the pleafure would make you hartily to laugh. Sir, [40] both from Heauen and Hell. Syr fayde I, your myracles are ftrange, and they may be true, but yet I am of opinion, that for the cafting out of di- uelles, the name of God is of greater author itie, than a whole tubbe full of holy water, and for a woman to be made 5 fruitefull in children, is likewife the blefling of God, and I doo thinke that for the attaynment of any thing that is good, it is rather to be requefted in the name of the Creator, then otherwife to be fought for, by the meanes of the creature. The other aunfwered againe, but men that bee of your lo Religion, are not able to looke into theyr owne errors : for if they were not wilfully blinde, they fhould finde it in com- mon experience, that hee that will looke to preuaile in hys futes, {hall fooner bee difpatched by the mediation of the Saindls, than if he prefumed to preferre his caufe to GOD 15 himfelfe, and fhould finde more grace by the meanes of the creature, then if he requefted in the name of the Creator : and becaufe I would bee glad to confirme you the better, I will fhewe you you an example. Admitte nowe that your felfe were in a Princes Court, 20 and had fome fute, that might not onely concerne your own, but that it ftretcheth fo farre, as to the aduauncement of Gods glory, the profite of the Prince, and the generall bene- fite of the whole Countrey. You are nowe to preferre thys fute : what, will you goe to the Prince himfelfe .'' (who in 25 this place reprefenteth God) why you fhall attende a longe while before you fhall come to his prefence, and then, al- though he be milde, affable, gracious, and full of clemencie, and in deede with as many royall vertues as appertayneth to a godly Prince, yet he will turne you of to fome one graue" 30 Counfailer, or fome other great perfonage that is about him, to looke into your caufe and to confider of it : (who in this place dooth reprefent the holy Sainds, which muft bee your Mediator :) Now this Counfayler is fo troubled with fo many other affayres, and fuch bufines of great impor- 35 tance, that he hath no leyfure in the world to remember you: then muft you ply his Secretary, or fome other that is neere about him, and you come to him (whith your cappe in your F hand [41 ] Greenes newes hand and lowe courtefie) and fay, I befeech you Syr remem- ber my fute to your Maifter, I haue lyen long heere, and I haue {pent all that I am able to make, and I pray you Syr euen for Chriftes fake, and for the tender mercy of God, get me an aunfwere : (heere you come in the name of the Crea- 5 tor :) Nowe fir, I will (for example fake) make my felfe an aduerfe againft you, and I will come to the fame partie, and fay vnto him, Syr, I vnderftand that fuch a one (meaning you) hath prefented fuch a fute, and I befeech you Syr, euen as you loue an hundreth Angels, (I come heere in the name lo of the creature) procure me your Mayfters lets againft him, and let mee haue your afliftance for the ftay of his fute : tell mee nowe your owne confcience, will not thefe vifible crea- tures, gliftering in this mans eyes, worke a quicker expedi- tion, than the bare name of your inuifible Creator but foun- 15 ding in his eares? I am fure you will neuer make queftion of the matter : for the very prefence of an hundreth angels but looking him in the face, will make him to enter into any attempt, yea, and fometimes to abufe his Maifter, be he ne- uer fo wife, be he neuer fo graue, or be he neuer fo honorable, 20 and to make him by his information perhappes to commit fome error. Syr ffaide I) if the matter were worth the reafoning, I could eafily aunfwere your fond comparifons, but I am not difpofed to argue of thefe matters, & wil therfore let them reft 25 with this conclufion, that God is God, and onely good, & men are men, & no man without fault, nor free from offence. This is very true (anfwered Richard) for the Vicar of our parifti in a Sermon that he made on Midlent Sunday, did fpeake fo much in La tine and fayde. Nemo fine briberi viuit: I re- 30 member his words well enough, and brought fo much of hys Sermon away. Richard had no fooner thus added his finatiue conclufion, but we might fodainly heare a loud & pitteous flcrike, which by the ftirilnes of the noife, feemed to be fome womans voice, 35 that was put into fome feare, or offered fome vyolence : and bending both our eyes and our fteppes, towardes the place from [42] both from Heauen and Hell. from whence the noice refounded to our eares, we might fee a woman haftily comming towards vs, with a truffe or fardle vnder her arme, to whom I faide ; Good woman, it feemeth you {hold be diftrefTed, although I know not for what caufe, 5 but fay, what is the matter of this your hafty flight? Alas fir, (faid fhe) as I was trauelling towards hell, with certaine wares that I haue heere in my fardle, which I am fent with- all to fhewe them to Prqferpina : faft by heere in the high way, there encountered with mee the moft deformed and lo yll-fauoured Monfl:er, that euer I did fette myne eyes on, whofe ougly countenaunce dyd fo afright mee, that it maketh mee in this fort to retyre, not daring to holde on my courfe. I pray thee goodwife (faide I) what wares fhould they be, 15 that thou art carrying to hell? or doofl: thou carry them to fell ? or be they fent as a prefent ? Syr fayde fhee, I haue heere Perewigs of the newe curie, Roules, and other attyres for the heade of the new fafhion. Ruffes of the newe fette, newe Cuttes, newe 20 Stitches, newe gardes, newe imbroyders, newe de- uyfed French Verdingales, newe French bodyes, newe bumbafting, newe bolftering, newe vnderlayings, and twentie newe deuyfes more than I haue nowe fpoken of, which I am carrying to hell amongeft the Ladyes 25 and Gentlewomen that are there, who when they ly- ued in the worlde woulde let flippe no fafhion : and I am fure nowe they bee there, would be right glad of the fafhions nowe in vfe, both to fee them and to haue them. In good faith (faid I) they be wares fit for fuch cuflomers, 30 for from hell they came, and thether they will, there they were firfl deuifed, and therefore fittefl to ferue that Market. You are much deceyued fir f fayd fhe) for I haue fafhions heere that neuer a Lady nor Gentlewoman that is in hell, euer fawe the like, nor neuer a Curtyfan, or any other 35 flrumpet that liued in the world, did euer weare the like, fuch perewigs, curled and firifled by art, fuch roules of hayre per- fumed and platted by proportion, fuch ruffes as will afke one F 2 whole [43 ] Greenes newes whole day to wafh and ftarch, and an other daies labour but to pinne them in the fafhion, that (alas poore women) they are faine to take great paynes to goe to the diuell : but I be- feech you Gentlemen, if your occafions be not the greater, doo fo much as condnd mee a lytttle part of the way, tyll I bee 5 paft this ill fauoured Monfter that hath fo affright me. We yeelding to her requeft, had not gone farre but we might dif- cerne a moft deformed creature, with a monftrous payre of homes, growing from the vppermoft part of his Fore-head, the tippes whereof turned round into his eyes, and growing lo there agayne into his head, had made him ftarke blinde, that he had no manner of fight ; Our Companion fo confidently perfwaded in the vertue of his holy Candle, that he thought no fpirite was able to hurt him, ftepping forward fayde. In nomine Patris, what art thou that walkeft in this fort, thus 15 difturbing the High wayes. The other aunfwered. What I am thou mayft fee very well, but howe I came to bee thus perplexed, that thou muft vnderftand by a further cyrcumftaunce. Knowe then that I was a Myller, fometimes dwelling in Kent, where I kept a 20 Mill, which (as it feldome tymes wanted water, fo at no time it wanted grifl:) for that it had the cuftome of the Coun- trey, at the leaft fiue or fix myles about : It fortuned that a very wealthy and fubftantial Farmer, dwelling two or three miles fro me, fent a facke of Corne to my Mill by his daugh- 25 ter, which came on horfe-backe to haue her corne grownd, intending to haue gone backe againe with it before night: which might very well haue beene doone, fauing that wee Myllers are tyed to this cuftome, which is, when any young women dooth fortune thus to come to the Mill, wee vfe as 3^ well to take toule of themfelues, as of their fackes : and I, fixing mine eyes vpon the wench, feeing her to be a very han- fome young Mayden, not aboue nineteene or tweentie yeeres of age, was very loath to let her efcape toule-free, and there- fore fet downe a plot howe I might acquainte her with our 35 cuftome: the which I could not by any meanes perfourme, but by making her to ftay all night, wherefore I purpofly put [44 ] both from Heauen and Hell. put my Myll out of temper, and fpent all the after noone in repayring and trimming of my Myll, and brought her corne to the hopper, whe the day was fo far pafled, that it was not poflible it could bee grownd off, tyll it were very late in the 5 night ; But the young Mayden feeing her Corne vppon the Myll, and defirous to haue it home with her, ftayed with the better will, the which being once grownd off, notwithftand- ing the euening was very farre fpent, yet fhee woulde haue departed home : but I, pretending much good will to her Fa- lo ther, tolde her that if a dogge of her Fathers, were in my houfe at this time of the night, I would not fhutte him forth of the doores for his Maifters fake, much leiTe your Fathers daughter: wherefore I will intreate you to flay this night in my houfe, and you fhall haue a homely bed, and a cleane 1 5 paire of fheetes, with fuch fare as I hope fhall content you, and for your horfe, hee fhall likewife bee turned into a good paflure fafl by my Mill, and in the morning all things fhall be ready for you to depart fo foone as you pleafe. The maiden being well perfwaded by my faire fpeeches, 20 feemed content, and I went to my wife, & tolde her that for as much as my Mill had beene out of temper all the day, I mufl fit vppe all night to grinde, willing her further to make ready a fpare Chamber, for the young Maiden my Neighbours daughter : who had flayed fo long for the grinding of her 25 Corne, that it was too late for her to goe home, & willed her, to better our fupper with a capon or a difh of chickins, as fhe her felfe thought good ; But my wife, who many times be- fore had taken the true meafure of my foote, and had picked out at her fingers endes the whole drift of my pretence, 30 winking a little with one of her eyes, aunfwered fmoothly, Hufband all fhall be doone as you haue willed : & although I had beene fufhciently inflruded in this olde Axiome^ which fayth, Trufi not an olde queane^ if fhe once begins to winke : yet by my wiues fmooth demeanure, I was free from all fuf- 35 picion, and contemplating my felfe in hope of my nights hap- pineffe, I neuer had leyfure to bethinke me of any precpts of good counfaile : but my wife hauing made all things ready, F 3 and [ 45] Greenes newes and that we were called in to fuch cates as fliee had proui- ded, & we likewife hauing ended our fupper, I told the young wenchj that when fhe were difpofed to take her reft, my wife fhould bring her to her Chamber, and wild my wife like- wife at her owne leyfure to get her to bed, for that I was to 5 watch all night, that I might bee ready in the morning to ferue my cuftomers according to my promife : and thus lea- uing them twayne together, I departed about my bufines; but, my wife that had conceiued the very depth of my deuife, lodged the mayde in her owne bed, and hauing but one other lo Chamber, which I alwayes referued for a friend, and where I thought the mayde ftiould haue beene placed, there my wife llily & cunningly lodged her felfe : but I that was more doubtfull of mine own fortune, than fufpicious of my wiues pradlife, perceyuing euery body to bee in bedde, did thinke 15 it nowe high time to make tryall of my pretence, and con- ueying my felfe featly into the Chamber, and then comming to the bedde fide (with a foft and lowe voyce) I beganne to perfwade thys young Mayden (as I had thought) that fhee fhoulde not ftande in doubt or feare of him who was come 20 vnto her onely for good will, whom loue and liking had made bolde and hardie, to requeft fome curtefie and kind- nefle at her handes, and heere-withall, throwing one of mine armes ouer her, I beganne to hunte after her lyppes, and to haue beftowed of her a louing kifle. 25 But my wife, whofe cunning had ferued her to traine me into this miftaking, could tell howe to behaue her felfe in the reft, to confirme mee in mine error: for, although fhe would render me no manner of fpeeches, whereby I might difcouer her by her voice, yet in the reft of her demeanure ftie 30 counterfeited fo cunningly, fach a kind of maydenly nycitie, that a man would rather haue taken her for fome young ig- norant puny, that had neuer dealt the cardes, than for an old beaten gamfter, that knewe well enough howe to make the ftakes: for although ftiee knewe what it was whereat I le- 35 uelled, and was moft defirous to haue had me hit the marke, yet fhe delayed mee off with a counterfeit kinde of ftriuing, and [46] both from Heauen and Hell. and would neuer yeelde, tyll feeming for want of breath fhee was not able to refift, and then panting (as it were to take the ayre) fhee Teemed to bee ouercome fas it were) by force : and I, that was not better able to difcerne of Cats in the 5 darke, but that they were all gray, feafted my felfe with a fulfome repaft, in fteede of a dayntie difh, for blinde con- ceit had gyuen mee an appetite to feede on that dyet, which if I had feene, woulde quickly haue cloyed my ftomacke : but hauing well fatif-fied my felfe, and that I was now lo at leyfure to looke into mine owne fortune, and confi- dering what perrill might enfue for a little pleafure paft, if the wench fhoulde fortune to complayne of that one nights lodging fortie weekes after, the which would not onely redounde to my great fliame and reproch, but lyke 15 enough to fall out to my wracke and vtter vndooing, her Father beeing an able and wealthye man, that woulde not let to feeke reuenge; to preuent thefe and other mif- chiefes, I did bethinke me of this deuife. I had a lufty young fellowe to my man, called Rafe^ 20 about the age of foure or fiue and twentie yeeres, whom I had left to fee to my Myll nowe in myne abfence; this Companion I knewe woulde be pat for my purpofe, and one I was fure that woulde neuer flynch, to fpende hys fix pence at his drinke or his drabbe: and calling to minde 25 an olde prefident, drawne from one of myne owne coate, I meane, from the Miller that had taught hys man to counter- feit fo long, tyll hee was hanged vp in hys Mayfters roome, I determined with my felfe likewife, to make mine own man the inftrument that fhould ftand betweene mee and 30 all future mifchiefes. Heere-uppon fayning an occafion to goe looke to my Mill, and taking my leaue for the inftant with a kifle, I came where my man was, and queftioning with him of many idle matters, amongft the reft 1 demaunded of him 35 how he lyked of the young may den? Mary Mayfter (fayde hee) I doo lyke fo well of her, that I woulde thinke it a moft happie turne for men of our [ 47 ] Greenes newes our occupation, if all the diuelles of hell were fuch as (he is, becaufe there are very few Millers that doo vfe to goe to hea- uen: and then if hell were no worfe furnifhed than with fuch, I wold not care if I did take my iourney thether-wards to morrowe fo foone as it were day. 5 Why Rafe (fayd I) thou knoweft where fhe lyeth in the gueft Chamber, & what wilt thou giue me if I turne thee in to her, and giue thee inftrudion howe thou {halt behaue thy felfe, that fhee fhall not refufe to render courtefie for thy kindnefTe. I coulde fcarce make an ende of my wordes, but i o my man, as if he had ftayed too long, haftily aunfwered. Maifter, I haue nothing in the world, but a flieepe and a Lambe, which (as you knowe) doo goe in the Mill clofe, per- fourme your words, and I will giue you them both, and that with all my heart. 15 I reioycing in mine owne conceit, to thinke howe kindly I had coofoned my man, would needes clappe handes wyth him for the better confirmance of the bargaine : the which beeing thus agreede on between e vs, I wylled him to goe in- to the Chamber, and without any feare to get to the maydes 20 bed, and there to vfe no manner of fpeeches, but to worke all his enterprifes, but onely by dumbe perfwafions. But will you fee howe cunning was heere caught in his owne nette : I had thought to haue coofoned my man, but he kift me kindly for my acquaintance, and (according as I had 25 direded himj into the Chamber he went, where my wife in the darke could no better difcerne betweene me and my man, than I was able before to iudge betweene her and the maid : but he, vfing no wordes becaufe I had fo inftruded him, and fhe forbearing to fpeake for marring her owne Market, but 30 thus in sylence betweene them, I was coofoned on both fides, for they agreede fo well together, that I thinke they were loath to part, for my man feemed to like fo well of hys entertaynment, that the day was ready to breake, before hee would leaue his game. My wife on the other fide, in condi- 35 tion like vnto thofe, that when they haue fped well, cannot keepe their owne counfaile : fhee gat her felfe vp immediatly after, [ 48] both from Heauen and Hell. after, and then calling the young maiden, who had flept qui- etly all night, knowing nothing how matters had pafTed a- mongft vs, and the day light being by this time a little clea- red vp, between my man and I we fette her vpon her horfe, 5 with her facke of meale vnder her : and fhe gyuing me harty thanks for my curtefie, departed thus towards her Fathers houfe. Heere beganne Rafe and I againe to recreate our felues with the remembrance of our nights pleafure, I fmild in my lo fleeue to think how I had cofoned my man : my man laugh- ed to remember how he had deceiued the maide : and beeing thus together in the midft of our fports, in comes my Wife, feeming by her countenaunce to be as merry as the beft, and taking me by the hand, fhe prayed me to goe in with her, I 15 thinking (he had fomewhat to fay, comming into the houfe, fhee had prouided for my breakefaft a warme caudle dainti- lie made, with a couple of Chickins rofted, and ftoode hote vppon the Table. I that fawe this extraordinary diet, mer- uailing what conceite was gotte into her head: afked her 20 what myght be the caufe of thys her fuddaine kindnefle : {he that lookt me in the face as wantonly as if fhe had come late- ly where the frolike had runne rounde about the houfe, aun- fwered me thus. Byr lady hufband you haue taken paynes to night, and 25 I perceiue you are not yet fo farre ouer fpent, but that you are worth the cherifhing : you haue deferued a better break- faft then thys : for he that hath watcht as you haue doone all night, had neede be well comforted in the morning. Thefe fufpicious words thus deliuered by my wife, brought mee 30 well neere into the fitte of an Ague : but beeing defirous to be better fatif-fied in her meaning, I faid. And what paynes haue I taken thys night, more then I haue doone at other tymes } I haue watched manie a night before thys, when I found no fuch kindnes at your hande in 35 the morning. Hufband (faid (bee) how fo euer you haue watched in times paft, I know not, but this nights labor hath deferued G no [ 49 ] Greenes newes no lefTe then a comfortable reftoratiue, and in fteed of Potato rootes, I haue made you a warme Caudle next your hart : be not afhamed man of that you haue doone, for it was I that fupplyed the young wenches place to night in the gueft Chamber, and it was you that came thether and playde the 5 propper man. But I thinke hufband, how foeuer you haue ouer-reached me before, I haue cryed quittance with you to night. And nowe comfort your felfe whilft your meate is warme, plucke vppe your ftomake and fall to your break- faft. lo I that was not able with patience to endure her words, burfting out in choller, faide. The deuill take thee and thy breakefaft, for thou haft giuen me a breakfaft and a dynner to, that will ftick in my ftomacke whilft I Hue. And going my way in this chafe into my Myll, where my man percei- 15 uing my fuddaine paftion, demaunded of me the caufe of my vnquietnes } Vilaine (faid I) thy felfe art the caufe why 1 am thus perplexed, for thou haft lyne with my Wife : I Maifter (fayd he) you are much deceiued, and I proteft I would not doo you fo much wrong, for fo much corne as wold 20 fill the Hopper. Thou haft doone it (fayd I) for ftie hath confeft it vnto me, and it was ftie that did lye to night in the outer Chamber in the young wenches roome. That was more then I knew of (fayd my man,) but fith it was fo, I will haue my Sheepe 25 and my Lambe againe, for the bargaine was betweene vs, that you ftiould haue fent me in to the Maide, and I vppon thys condition, promifed you my Sheepe & my Lambe, but fith you haue broke your promife, by Saint Anne I will not ftand to my bargaine. 30 Thefe fpeeches of thys varlet, dyd more vexe and grieue me then before : and yet I wift not how I ftiould be reuen- ged, nor better remedy could I deuife, but after I had frea- ted my fill, I commaunded the knaue to take his ftieepe and his Lambe, and prefently to gette him out of my feruice, nor 35 neuer after to come within my doores, nor into any other place in my wiues company. Thys [ 50 ] both from Heauen and Hell. Thys gaule of griefe continually fretting and gnawing in my confcience, myght haue beene thought a fufficient pu- nifliment though Rigore hymfelfe had pronounced the fen- tence: but my terreftiall penaunce not enough to appeafe 5 the angry Goddes, they haue decreed thys finall conclufion : that as I was the author of myne owne harmes by mync owne blindnefTe, fo mine owne homes (hall for euermore fo grow in myne owne light, that beeing not able to difcerne which way or how to dired my fteppes, I fhould wander in 10 this folitary place, bereft of all other focietie, and fo to conti- nue world without end. The Woman that ftoode by all thys whyle, and had gy- uen attentiue eare to thys difcourfe, ftriken as it fhold feeme into fome remorfe, vpon what consideration I know not, but 15 thus fhe fayd. Alas poore Myller, if thy punifhment be fo greeuous for a fmall efcape ignorantly committed, woe is mee to be-thinke what fhall betide to an infinite number y are dai- lie infedled with thys common calamitie, this horne-plague 20 I meane, the generall ficknes of our time : a maladie that hath fo much infeded both Citty, Towne, and Country, that there are few places free, which are not fpiced heere & there, with this forked generation : amongft the which there be a number of honeft Gendemen, fome of them my verie good 25 freends and cuftomers, whofe homes doth hang fo much in theyr own lights, that they are well contented to fuffer theyr wiues to pranke themfelues vp in euery new fafhion, wher- by to fet thefelues to fale, & to make open (how how lighdy they are difpofed : but the horne-plague fhal neuer depart his 30 houfe, that hath his wife fo garifhly inclined. But alas for pitty, what ihall become of a number of kind harted Wittoles^ that will not onely be contented to hoode-winke themfelues from theyr Wiues adulteries, but alfo to become Bawdes and Brokers, yea and fome- 35 times will not fticke to keepe the doores, whilft their Wiues fhall bee within, playing the harlots wyth theyr cufto- mers. G 2 Blame [ 51 ] Greenes newes Blame not me that am touched with fome remorfe, for thefe be the people that I doe Hue by, for what fhoulde I doe with my new-fangled trafhe, if there were not as lycenci- ous Women to buy them? And why fhould they deck them- felues fo Curtifan-like to the view of the world, but to ma- 5 nifeft their vnchaft appetites, that they might be the rather defired of men. The woman had no fooner ended thefe fpeeches, but fhe as fuddainly burft out into fuch a vehement laughter, that for the time, fhe was not able to deliuer a word: but in the lo end, with much a doe, recouering the vfe of her tongue, fhee fayd : Now truely I cannot chufe but laugh to think of my hufbande, howe ill fauoured he will looke with fuch a payre of fpedakles hanging ouer hys browes as thys Myller hath gotte. 15 Wee that ftoode by, and were more mindfull to fee an end of our trauailes then difpofed to prolong the time in idle- nes: I afked of the Miller if he did knowe where abouts the place of Purgatory was, or if he could giue vs any diredion which way we myght gette thither, he anfwered thus. 20 My good Freendes, what foeuer you be, you fhall vn- derftande, that thirtie yeeres and odde are already ouer paf- fed fith I firft frequented thefe infernall pathes, in which meane fpace, though I haue not been able to difcerne mine owne footefteppes, yet by the reports of fundry trauailers 25 that hath pafled thefe waies, I haue learned thus much con- cerning Purgatory. The perfons that were the firft founders of the place, were not perfectly fighted, but like as the Owle which can- not abide the light of the Sunne, flyeth euermore in y night, 30 fo thofe men, not able to endure that excellent brightnefle which is the onely true light to euery perfed vnderftanding, framing all theyr platformes in obfcuritie and darknefle, a- mongft other idle inuentions, woulde needes take vppon them the building of Purgatorie. The place where they 35 had feated it, was fo obfcured with fuch fogges and filthy myftes, that no man that had the perfedt vfe of hys wittes, was [ 52 ] both from Heauen and Hell. was euer able to find the fituation. The foundation wheron it was layd, was lyes and foolifh fantafies, the reft of the vpper buildings, was dreames and doting deuifes. All the whole edifice, was of fuch lyght and rotten ftuffe, that after 5 they had beene two or three hundred yeeres patching & pee- cing it together, a poore filly Swaine naked and thred bare, called Trueth^ blowing againft the building but with a litde blaft of breath, the gale was of fuch force againft it, that the whole matter & fubftance, together with the Founders, Pa- 10 trons, Prodors, Protedors & Defenders, were al blown im- mediatly into Hell : fo that who foeuer he be that feeketh for Purgatory, there hee fiiall be fure to finde it : and for thefe thirty yeeres that I haue wandred in thefe places, there ne- uer came any to enquire after it but madde men and fooles. 15 Why then fayd I (to our companion that ftoode by with hys Candle,) I perceiue you had fome reafon to bring light with you when you came to feeke Purgatory, fith the place is fo darke and fo daintie to be found. But nowe you know afiuredly where you may finde it, your Candle will ftand 20 you in fome fteede to light you to Hell. Hee breaking out into fundry paflions, fome-times ra- ging againft the Myller, faying that he was but an ignorant and a lying Heretique : then calling to his memory the long tyme he had fpent in feeking of Purgatory, hee beganne as 25 vehemently to rayle againft the Pope, and as bitterly to ex- claime againft hys lejuites and Seminaries^ that had promi- fed to inftrudl hym in the high way to Heauen, and diredllie fent him the verie next way to Hell. In thefe angry fittes hee blewe out hys Candle, and 30 throwing it from him, was contented to hold vs companie in the reft of our iourny. Whilft we were wandering thus together, we had not paced the diftance of a furlong, but we might heare the founde of a Home, which was blowne with fuch ftirilnefle, 35 that the Eccho redoubled againe in the ayre, and looking a- bout vs, we might perceiue a farre of, where one came ry- ding poft all in black as faft as his horfe was able to fling, G 3 and [53 ] Greenes newes and with his quicke fpeede immediady pafling by vs, wee knewe him by his balde pate and his Coule hanging at hys backe, that he was a fatte fquaddy Monke, that had beene well fedde in fome Cloyfter, who with his great hafte was fuddainly out of our fights : and we had not trauailed farre, 5 but we might fee Hell gates ftanding wide open, with a- boundaunce of people that were flocking out of all quarters, preafing in as thicke, as if in the Terme time they were thronging to Wejlminjler Hall. And prefently we might be- hold a cleere auoydance in the gates, and a multitude com- 10 ming foorth, with Belles, with Banners, with Torches, with Crofles and with Copes, in a very folemne manner of ProceiTion, finging Salue fejla dies. Wee ftanding ftill in a gaze as they pafTed by, I deman- ded of one of the traine what myght be the meaning? Who 15 anfwered mee that there was a Poft newly come fro Rome^ with newes that the Popes Legate was hard at hand, with fome great EmbalTage: and that folemnitie was onely to entertaine him, to fhew what reuerence they dyd beare to hys Maifter. The thronge that followed was fo exceeding, 20 that we were mightily ftiouldered to and fro amongft the company, but Veluet breeches & I, determining to fee what would follow, we tooke the one the other by the hand, folow- ing in the preafe til at length this holy Legate was {ttnc where he was coming, fo that it was not long but they met. 25 The Legate y was a chuffe-headed Cardinall with a paire of fulfome cheekes, ftretched out like one that were playing on a bag-pipe, alighted from his palfry, and prefenting him- felfe before Lucifer, who was there in place to receiue him, he fel down vpon his knees, praying the Prince of darknefle, to 30 beftow his fatherly benedidion vpon the Popes holines, hys chiefe Vicar & Vizegerent vpon earth : the only man that he was efpecially beholding vnto, who fent him from time to time whole Millions of foules for the increafing of his king- dome: from whom I am fent with matters of much impor- 35 tance to be heere considered of, and whofe perfon in this place I doo now reprefent. Lucifer [ 54 ] both from Heauen and Hell. Lucifer lyfting vp one of hys pawes, and waging it ouer the Legates head, fayd : That bleffing that God gaue vnto Caine for the killing of hys Brother Abely lyght vppon thy Maifter and hys fucceflburs for euer. Then taking hym by 5 the arme, he fayd. Stand vppe, for confidering whofe EmbafTadour thou art, it were an embacing to thine eftate, if thou fhouldeft fhew any figne of humility or lowlines. Thou dooft heere reprefent the perfon of Antechrijl^ whofe pride coulde neuer 10 yet furrender it felfe to any manner of obedience, I will not therefore in this place y any thing be imbeifeled, that might derogate the leaft dignity from that Chayre of peftilence, I meane the holy Sea of Rome. Then was there brought foorth a moft ftately Chayre, 13 which was prepared of purpofe, in which Chayre Ambition and Tryde hauing placed the Cardinally olde Ignorance and young ObJiinac)\ (the one blind, the other froward,) taking it vpon theyr {houlders, as if the Pope himfelfe were carried in his Fontificalibus^ and then a rich & fumptuous Canapie 20 beeing fpred ouer him, and borne by foure fupporters, which were. Idolatry^ Hipocrijie^ Herejie^ and Blajphemy^ thus in this pompious manner (beeing placed in the Proceflion next Lucifer himfelfe) they returned to Hell, whofe gates I no- ted to be fo large and fpacious, that a Princes Army though 25 it were martialed in any proportion of battayle, with Fyl- lets, Troupes and Winges, might well haue marched in without any manner of dyforder. And although the inner roomes did fo exceede in greatnes, that it pafleth humaine reafon to conceiue of them aright, yet he that fhould behold 30 the aboundance of people that reforte thether daily, and the infinite number that are there to be feene flocking in euerie corner therof, wold more wonder to thinke what place could fo containe them. Beeing thus come into Hell, they went to the Chappel, 35 where Pope Hildebrand the firft founder of Trafubjlan na- tion was ready to fay Majfe, the which beeing ended, Na- than (who can in no wife endure the deferring of matters that [ 55 ] Greenes newes that dooth concerne his owne eftate, went immediatly into the Conuocation houfe, where calling about him a moft ab- hominable company of Popes, Cardinals, Bifhops, Pry- ors, Abbots, and other Clergy men, that hath beene for this foure or fiue hundred yeeres, ftill of his priuie Counfaile, the 5 Legate was willed to deliuer the effed of his meflage, who making hys entrance with a breefe Oration, tending to the commendation of the Popes carefulnefTe, how many ftrata- gemes he had endeuoured againft Englande, Fraunce^ and Ireland, for the better eftablifhing of the Kingdome of Ante- lo chrijl in thofe places : and he was nowe to let them vnder- ftand, firft for England. Where he had thought to haue ac- complifhed hys purpofes by the meanes of his lejuites and Seminaries, whom he fent thether in flockes, to withdrawe the people from theyr obedience, to ftyrre them to fedition, 15 rebellion and vprore: to pradife trealbns againft theyr So- ueraigne, yea and to vndertake many horrible enterprifes againft the perfon of the Prince, whom God hath ftil migh- tilie defended, not onely preferuing her from their traiterous pradifes, but likewife hath fo reuealed the confpiracies of 20 the praftifers, that from time to time they haue been ftill ap- prehended, and fo fent to Tyhurne, to fay In manus tuas. Beeing therefore exempted from all manner of hope to find any good fuccefle in thefe former platformes, his Holi- nefle craueth your Hellifti inftru6lions, what courfe hee 25 might now follow for the recouery of that Country. For Fraunce, it would afke a long time heere to be dyf- courfed, what trecheries, what treafons, what mifchieues, what murthers, and what maflacres hys Holines hath there from time to time eff'ecfled : and although hee hath now ftir- 30 red vppe hys vafTaile the King of Spayne, who hath from the dignitie of a magnificent Prince, furrendred himfelfe to be- come a flaue to the Pope, to come and goe as he appoints him, and to be the executor of all his damnable deuifes, and hath hys forces nowe in that Countrey, in the afiTiftance of 35 Traytors and Rebels, againft theyr naturall Prince and lawfull King: yet hys Holines can haue no afiTured hope to [ 56 ] both from Heauen and Hell. to fupprefle the light of the Gofpell retayned amongft them, or vtterly to fubuert the profeflbrs of it, without fome diuel- lifh deuife, platted and contriued from this infernall pitte of hell. 5 Nowe laftly for Ireland, if that Countrey might ftill bee continued in that ftate as it now ftandeth, there were many hopes to be expeded, not neceflary in this place to bee openly reuealed : for although the naturall people of that Countrey, (yea euen in the moft barbarous places) be of thefelues very lozealoufly inclyned, & without all peraduenture, would eafily be drawn to the true knowledge and worfhip of God, if they had fuch a Minifter amongft them, as might inftruft them, afwell in wholefome dodrine, as in good example of life : but the Pope hath fo well prouided for the place, that the whole 15 Country dooth fwarme with lefuits. Seminaries, and mafling Priefts, yea, and Fryers, that haue recourfe into Dublyne it felfe, and thefe doo keepe fuch a continuall and daylie buzing in the poore peoples eares, that they are not onely ledde from all duety and obedience of theyr Prince, but alfo drawne 20 from God by fuperftitious Idolatrie, and fo brought head- long by heapes into hell : for through the whole Countrey, the people are fo confidently perfwaded in the do6lryne of Antechrijl, that they thinke our Lord will doo nothing with- out the mediation of our Lady, of Mary, or of lohn. And to 25 fpeak truly of the Clergy of that Realme, if there be one that feeketh to vpholde the glory of God, there is ten for that one that feeketh to vpholde the kingdome of Antechrijl\ neyther is it to be doubted, but that there be fome fewe, which both in preaching and lyuing fheweth all fmceritie and godlyneffe of 30 life : but there be a number of others, which neither fay nor doo, neither preach well, nor Hue well. Some other there be that now and then will get vp into a Pulpit, and there they will fpend an howre, chyding againft the Pope in the courfe of their fpeaking, and they are no fooner come down but they 35 will defie God himfelfe halfe a yeere after, in the manner of theyr lyuing: and this example of theyr vngodly behauiour, is no little corrafiue to weake confciences, that doo beholde H their [ 57 ] Greenes newes their wickednes. For what is it for a Clergy man, be he Par- Jon, be he Vicar, be he Deacon, be he Archdeacon, be he By- /hop, be he Archbijliop, or let him be what he wil, if he be one that will rather endeuour himfelfe to fleece his flocke than to feed it, that hath not fo much care of the children of God, com- 5 mitted to his charge, which he fufFereth dayly to perifli : as he hath to prouyde marriages for his own children, in theyr very infancie, and when they are vnder age: that dooth builde houfes, and purchafe rents by corruption, extortion, and briberie, that dooth eat and drinke the finnes of the igno- lo rant people dayly at his table : that will not admit of a par- don from the Pope, yet dares not bee without flue or fix fe- uerall pardons from the Prince, for treafon, for murther, for theft, for robbery, for confpyracy, for confederacy, for rafyng, for forging, for extortion, for bryberie, and for many other 15 filthy matters, fhamefull to be fpoken off, were it not before this haggifh aflembly : and what though from a bafe and beggerly parentage, he could fhewe himfelfe lofty in minde, lofty in lookes, and lofty in all the reft of his demeanures: Would not fuch a Prelate be fit for the deuilles Chappell ? 20 The Legat had no fooner made an end of thefe latter words, but in comes Dick Tarlton, apparrelled like a Clowne, and finging this peece of an olde fong. If this be trewe as true it is, Ladie Ladie : 25 God fend her life may mend the mijfe, Mofl deere Ladie. This fuddaine ieft brought the whole company into fuch a vehement laughter, that not able agayne to make them keepe filence, for that prefent tyme they were faine to breake 3° vppe: and as Veluet breeches and I were walking arme in arme through the preafe, wee fortuned to meete with Com- mens, one that fome fewe yeeres agoe, had beene a Sargeant in London, who no fooner efpyed Veluet breeches, but hee got vp a fire-brand, wherewith he gaue hym fuch a ftroake 35 ouer the fhoulders, that the coales flewe all about the place. Veluet breeches againe vppe with his fift, and gaue hym fuch [58 ] both from Heauen and Hell. fuch a blowe vndcr the eare, that had lyke to haue ftryken him ouer : with this they clofed, and beganne to pommell one an other as faft as theyr fifts coulde walke, the compa- ny that ftoode by beganne to cry Clubbes, Clubbes, Clubbes, 5 and immediatly they came ruihing in about vs, wyth flefh-hookes, with Coale rakes, wyth Fyre-forckes, and with fuch other furniture, as a man would haue thought were all come out of a Kytchin : and wyth fome little a-doe they parted the fray, and the partyes were prefently by lo the Officers brought before Lucifer^ and I beeing a ftraunger in the place, was lykewife carryed with them for company: where Commens beeing charged to bee the firft Authour of the broyle, in his owne excufe ren- dred this reafon. 15 I was (fayde hee) fometlmes an Officer vnder the Sheriffes of London^ and beeing feede by a Towns man to arreft Veluet breeches^ I was brought vnto him where hee was in a Barbers (hoppe, fitting with a Bafon before hym, full of fopie water, wherewith the Barber was rubbing hys 20 cheekes, and dafhing of hym about the lippes, and I feeing hym thus in trymming, thought of curtefie to forbeare the dooing of myne offyce, tyll the Barbar had ended his bu- finefle, and fetting my felfe downe without any worde fpeaking, Veluet breeches by chaunce efpying my Mace 25 vnder my Gowne, fufpedling a-ryght the caufe of my comming, fuddaynelie (before I was a-ware of hymj threwe all the water fo diredlly in my face, that the Sope getting into myne eyes, did fo fmart and grieue mee, that for my life I was not able to holde them o- 30 pen : But whilft I ftoode ftarke blinde for the tyme, wyping and rubbing of myne eyes, Veluet breeches packt himfelfe out of the doores, that I could neuer after come where hee was tyll thys prefent, and I vowed then to bee reuenged of him the next time that euer I fawe him : 35 and I am now to craue the priuiledge of the place, for it is di- redlly againft our auncient cuftome, that there fhould be any quarrels or controuerfies taken vp heere, or that there fhould H 2 bee [ 5V ] Greenes newes be found any peace-makers in hell : with this the whole mul- titude began to growe into an vprore, and they fell immedi- atlie to taking of parts : and firft there ftood vp in Commens behalfe, a great number of cruell creditors, crafty Lawyers, Merchants, Retaylers, Scriueners, Broakers, and a moft 5 fhamefull and filthy company of vfurers. Veluet breeches on the other fide, he wanted no friends, for there were a great many that knew him ; and thofe that tooke hys part, were fwafhers, fwearers, whore-maifl:ers, theeues, robbers, ruffyans, royfters, and coofoners. lo As they v/ere growing into this commotion amongfl: themfelues, there were gathered together an infinite num- ber of Cony-catchers^ which came to take part with Veluet breeches : who feeing me to ftand by, they beganne to growe into confufed exclamations againft mee, fome faide, let vs 15 teare the villaine in peeces, that hath written fo many bookes againft vs : other fayde, let vs fley of his ikinne, and cut the the flefh from his bones in fmall gobbets, that hath fo mani- fefted the fecrets of our trade and profeflion, to the world : fome other fayde, let vs cut the tongue out of his head, and 20 put out both his eyes, that hath beene an enemie to the arte of Cony-catching^ and hath fo fhamefully inueyed againft the pradtifes ; Then came there foorth an infinite number of wo- men Cony-catchers^ and they fware they would geld me, for marring theyr Market, and hindering them of theyr taking. 25 Thus was I threatned on all fides, euery man ftoode won- dering at mee, no man to take my part: But Lucifer percei- uing the caufe of their griefes, by the manner of their cla- mors, & willing to appeafe their paflions with any punifti- ment, commaunded mee prefently to bee thruft foorth of hell 3° gates and charging me fo to remaine a reftlefi^e fpirite, wan- dering through the world, and neuer after to make any re- turne agayne to that place. Thus for the writing of bookes, I was firft baniftied fro Heauen for my ouer much parciallitie, and nowe exiled from 35 hell, for my too much plainnefle : I remayne now (as I haue tolde you) a walking fpyrite, reftlefle and remedilefl^e to wan- der [ 60 ] both from Heauen and Hell. der through the world ; I woulde therefore wifh my friends to beware howe they walke late a nights, for I will bee the maddeft Gobline, that euer vfed to walke in the Moone- fliine. For I will fometimes bee a fpirite of the Buttery, 6 and I will fo intoxicate their heades, that doo frequent the places of my haunt, that at night they fliall not be able to find the way to their beds, tyll they haue taken their firft fleepe on the flore. Sometimes I will bee Robin Goodfellowe, and will lomeete with a wanton wench in a darke corner, and let her blefle and crofle her felfe as well as fhe can, I will put her in fuch a bodily feare, that for fortie weekes after, fhee fhall thinke that young bugges are crawling in her belly. Sometimes I will fhew fuch dreames & vyfions to wo- 15 men whilft they be fleeping, that they (hall make theyr Huf- bands Cuckolds when they are waking. Sometimes I will tranf-forme my felfe into diuers (hapes, and will walke through all trades, all Sciences, and all occupations, and fome I will infed: with the fpirite of A~ 20 uarice, fome with miferie, fome with deceipt and all manner of fubtiltie, that they fhall leaue no pradtife vnfought for, whereby to rake and gather pelfe, to leaue to theyr heyres, that the olde Prouerbe might bee verified: Happy are thofe children^ whofe Fathers goe to the deuill. 25 In the Tearme time, I will be in Wejlminjler hall a- mongfl the Lawyers, whome I will make fo capable in the quyllityes of the Lawe, that they fhall coofen twentie Cly- ents of theyr coyne, before they will bring one to an ende of hys caufe ; and will not fticke nowe and than to get me vp 30 to the bench, amongfl the Judges themfelues, to let them taft a little of the fweetnefTe of corruption. You may eafily thinke that I mcane to frequent the Court, where I will oppofe my felfe a profefTed enemie a- gainfl Good dejart^ and let him come thether and pleade his 35 many yeeres feruice in the warres : let him fhew his wounds and maymes, gotten in his Countreys defence: let him fig- nifie his time and patrimony fpcnt in his Princes quarrcll, H 3 to [ 61 ] Greenes newes to maintayne himfelfe, and to releeue fuch as were about him : or let him pretend many other indeuours, in the feruice of hys Soueraigne, that might worthily mooue a fauourable confideration, if there fhall bee founde one that will affoorde him a fauourable looke, or a comfortable fpeech, there fhall be 5 two for that one to requite him with difdainfull counte- nance, and churlifh checkes. I will not tell all, howe grleuous I will be to Largejfe and Lyberallitie^ nor how miferable I will fhew my felfe in fhutting vp of the Princes bountie: Let this fuffice, hee that lo fhall become a Suter at the Court, without golde in his purfe to fee a brybing Groome, let him looke for fmall grace in his futes: for I will ftrike fuch a deafenefle into the eares of the Clarkes and Secretaries, appertayning to great men, that when a penylefTe Suter comes vnto them with cap and 15 curtefie, they fhal not vnderftand what the foole meaneth, nor be able to heare one worde that he fpeaketh, without a bribe. I might marre all if I fhould tell all, how I ment to befliirre my felfe amongft the Courtiers of all forts, but they fay. Enough is as good as a Feaft. 20 The Cleargy muft not thinke to efcape me fcotfree, for I muft needes be acquainted with thefe double beneficed men, and wil many times conuerfe with fuch as be Non refidents ; and fometimes I will get vp into the Pulpit and preach, but you may eafily difcerne mee, for my text fhall be, Doo as 1 2^ Jayj but not as I doo ; My conclufion is. Good friends take heede how you come in thofe places where I walke, for you may perceiue I am bent vpon mifchiefe, I can but therefore wifh you to looke to your felues : and fo fare you well. FINIS. [ 6^ ] II. GREENES FUNERALLS. By R. B. A. [I] [Ornament with * I D.'] GREENES Funeralls. Bjf^'S.GerU. [Dancer's device, with ' AVT NVNC AVT NVNQVAM.'] Printed at London by lohn Danter, and are to be fold at his Houfe in Hq/ier-Iane nere Holbourne-Conduit. 15 94- To the Gentlemen Readers Health. Entle Reader, 1 once readd of a King, that diuided the day into three parts; the Firft hee fpent in Prayer, the Second in hearing of his Subieds caufes, and the laft in delight and pleafure of his body : So (Gentle Rea- der) I hope thou wilt fpend one daies pleafure in lo reading this Pamphlet, wherin no curious theame is writt vppon; but certaine Poemes, Entituled: Greenes Funeralls. Which contrarie to the Au- thours expectation I haue nowe publifhed, for it was his priuate ftudy at idle times. Gentlemen, 15 fine wits are quickned with one cup of pure wine, where many woulde make them dull; And this fmall Pamphlet may recreate your mindes, when large Volumes would but cloy and weary you : Now if the Authors paines, and the Printers la- 20 bour may be acceptable to thee (Gentle Reader) the one hath his hyer, and the other his defire. Yours in all curtefte, lohn Danter. [69] Sonnet, I. I Hy fhould my Pen prefume to write his praife^ WAnd hee in perfect mould of Vertue framde ? Why fliould my Mufeftng of his happie daies, I ^>^^ he the marke, at which Dame f^d.ture framde ? g Why rather fliould I notfuch vertues fliow^ Thatfuch pure golde from drojfe each man may know? Butceafe my Mufe, why dofi thou take in handfo great a Taske : Which to performe a greater w//, than Mercuries would aske? For iudgement loue^ for Learning deepe^ he fiill Ay>o\\o Jeemde : lo Forfloent Tongue, for eloquence, men Mercury him deemde. For curtefie fuppoje him Guy, or Gwyonsfomewhat lejfe: His life and manners though I would, I cannot halfe exprejfe. Nor Mouth, nor Minde, nor Mufe can halfe declare. His Life, his Loue, his Laude, Jo excellent they were. Aa, Sonnet, II. [71] Sonnet, II. ^Ortune, hates not, them that hate her: Fortune, loues noty them that hue hev. Fortune, would., and cannot rate her: Fortune, jhall, and mujl remoue her. And though fickle Fortune/mile: It is but for a little while. Greene loude VortMnt foolijh Man, Foolijh man, why loude he Jo ? And her fooUPi race he raUy Fooli/h race thats run with woe. Who then {Alas^ was lejje mifufed? Now (Alas) is more abufed? lO But let Fowles and fooli/h felloweSy Barke and byte their belly fill: It is not fpightfull Enuies belloweSy That can kindle fire fill. No Booke pleajes all that come : None Jo bad but pleafes Jome. 15 Sonnet, III. [72] Sonnet. III. "{/"EE dainty Damfels o/'Dianes Traine, That long to dally ^ with your lotted Lords : And you braue Gallant^ high rejolued Lords. That hue to gaze, vpon your ftately Starrs. 5 He he is dead, that kild you with dijdaine . And often fedde your friendy hopes againe. He he is deadj that wrote of your delights : That wrote of Ladies, and of Parramours ; Of budding beautie^ and hir branched leaues, [o Offweet content in royall Nuptialls. He he is dead^ that kild you with difdaine : And often fed your friendly hopes againe. His gadding Mufe^ although it ran of hue. Yet did heejweetly morralize, hisfongs : f 5 Ne euer gaiie the loofer caufe to laugh, Ne men of Judgment, for to be offended. \A [73] But as he often kild them with dijdaine : So did he often feede their hopes againe. And though he often told of things to come^ In hue more like a Prophet than a Poet : Yet did he wifely interlace the one. With SagesfayingSj euer mixt among. And though he often fedde their pleafing paine : Yet did he often kill them with difdaine. Wherefore yee dainty Damfels of renowne. That long to dallie, with your loued Lords ; And you braue Gallant, worthy noble Lords, That hue to dandle in your Ladies lapps. Come hither come, and lend your mouths to Fame : That meanes to found, his neuer dying name. lO Sonnet. IIH. [74] Sonnet, IIII. 0,0 me from the Mufes well Miner ua, Come and bring a Coronet: To crowne his head^ that doth deferuey A greater gift than Colinet. 5 Come from Bacchus bowre Silenus, Come and bring fome good-ale grout: For tofprinckle Vino-plenus : All his fooli/h face about. Come thou hither fweete Amyntas lo All on a ftluer founding Swanne: Come and teach this fond A-mlnt-^fTe, Leaue the game as hee began. Come thou hither my friend fo pretty. All riding on a Hobby-Horfe : t5 Either make thy f elf e more witty: Or againe renew thy force : J Come and decke his browes with baies, 1 L That deferues immortall praife. B 2 Sonnet, V. [75] SonrRt. V. y^Mend thy jlile who can: who can amend thyjlile? Forfweet conceit. Alas the while. That euer anyfuch, as thou fliouldjl die. By fortunes guile, Amids thy meate. Pardon {Oh pardon) me that cannot fiew. My "zealous hue. Yet Pialt thou proue. That I will euer write in thy behoue : Gainji any dare, With thee compare. It is not Hodge-poke nor his fellow deare. That I doe feare : As fiall appeare. But him alone that is the Mufes owne. And eke my friend, Whome to the end. My muje muH euer honor and adore : lO 16 [76] Doe what I can. To praije the maUy It is impofsible for me that amy So far behinde. 5 Yet is my minde. As forward as the be By ifwitfo would With will agree. Butfince IJeey It will not bee : 10 [ am contenty my folly to confejfe: And pardon crane. Which if I haucy My Fortunes greater than my former fall : I mujl confejfe. 15 But if he other wife efleeme of mey Than as a friend or one that honors thee : Then is my labor lojly my care confumde. , Becaufe I hate the hopCy that Jo prejumde [77] Sonnet, VI. O^ Tel-tales tell my mufe, offuch as hue to lie: Offuch as vje^ for to ahufe^ their friends and no cauje why. Offuch and none butfuch^ My pen fhall write his pleafure : And them at large I meane to tuch^ When I haue time and leafure. My rime is rude, what then ? Yet will itferue the turne : To notefe/uch wicked men^ As doe deferue to burne. As doe deferue to burne f aid I ? Nay worfe : that ought to feele^ The raging force and crueltie: Of old Ixions wheele. But leafl I Jhould this mourning Mufe retaine: \le fall into an other kinde of vaine. 15 Sonnet, VII 1 [7?] Sonnet, Vll. ^hough perchance itjeeme tojome but a toy and a trifle^ Seeme tojome in vaine^ to bejlowe but a part of an houre^ In penning Poemes : in honring him ivith a Poeme. Yet I appeale to the pen ofpierekjfe Poet Amyntas, (tas, 5 Matchles Amintas minde^ to the minde of Matchks Amin- Sweete bonny Phillis loue, to the hue ofjweete bonny Phillis, Whether pen^ or minde, or hue, o/" Phillis Amintas L.oue, or minde, or pen, of pen-hue-minder Amintas: Thinke of him (perhaps) asfome doe thinke o/" Amintas; 10 Oh that I might be hude, 0/ Phillis huer: Amintas. Oh that I might be thought, as I thinke 0/ Phillis; Amintas. Oh that I might be iudgde as I iudge of Phillis : Amintas ; Then would I neuer care forjuch baje beggarly make-bookes That in neigh againjl the dead, like deadly maligners. 15 What if he were a man, as bad or woffe than a H el-hound? As fliall I thinke that he was as bad or worje than a Hel-hound? Yet it ill became fweete miudes to haunt in Auernus ; 111 became Juch Cutes, to barke at a poore filly carcas Some had cauje to mone, and moume, ^ murmur againfl him : 20 Others none at all, yet none at all, Jo againH him. For myjelfe 1 wijh, that none had written againfl him But Juch men which had iufi cauJe ihaue wrtten againjl him. Sonnet. V\\\. [79] Sonnet, VIII. ^Vfe giue place to my money and mone giue place to my muftng: One for an others caiije^ and one for caufe of an other. Firji to behold him dead: laB to behold him aliue. [taineSy And thou Shepheards Swaine^ that keepes thyfheepe by the moun- (Mountaines) of Sicily, andfweet Arcadian Hand, Oh Meliboeus ; leaue. Oh leaue any more to be mourning. For though his Art bee dead, yet Piall it euer abide : Euer abide, to the end: light, as a light to the reji. Rejl that haue wrot of hue : and the delights of a louer. But by thefweete confent, of Pan and Marfias ofjpringe. Sweet confent of a Sd\ntJoJweet, of a Fowle an a foule one Greenes but a foolijh man : andjuch as him doe defend. Yet will I euer write both to defend and offend: For to defend his friends, and to offend his foes. 10 Sonnet, IX. [80] Sonnet, IX. QReene, is the pkaftng Obie^f of an eie : {Jihn, Greene, pleajde the eies of all that lookt vppon Greene, is the ground of euerie Painters die : Greene, gaue the ground, to all that wrote vpon him. 5 Nay more the men, that Jo Eclipfl his fame : Purloynde his Plumes, can they deny the fame ? Ah could my Mufe, old Maltaes Poet pajfe, {If any Mufe could pajfe, old Maltaes Poet) Then fhould his name befet in fhining brajfe, lo In fhining braffe for all the world to /how it. That little children, not as yet begotten Might royallize his fame when he is rotten. But fince my Mufe begins to vaile hir wings. And flutter low vpon the lowly Earth : 15 As one thatfugred Sonnets, feldome flngesy 'Except [L] [81] Except the found ofjadnes^ more than mirth. To tell the worth offuch a worthy man : Ik leaue it vnto thoje, that better can. Now may thy Joule againe, goe take his reft {His pleajant reft) in thoje eternall ioyes Where burning Tapers, ftill attend the bleft To light, and lighten them from all annoyes. Goe then poore Poet, Hue and neuer die : Euer, yet neuerbut in miferie. And as I came into the world vnknowne, Moude with compaffion, of thy piteous plaint : So will I now againe, myfelfe goe mone. That durB prefume, thy praife in verfe to paint. And if the Mufes pardon, mine fo weake : Ipaje not of a pin, what others fpeake. lO »5 Sonnet. X. [82] Sonnet, X. A Catalogue of certaine of his Bookes. (]])Amilla/or the firft and Jecond part. The Card of Fancie, and his Tullies loue. His Nunquam Sera, and his Nightingale. His Spanifh Mafquerado, and his Change. 5 His Menaphon, and Metamorphofis. His Orpharion, and the Denmarke King. His Cenfure, and his Loues Tritameron. His Difputation, and the Death of him. That makes all England fiedjo many teares : lo And many more that I haue neuer feene May witnes well vnto the world his wity Had he Jo welly as well applied it. C 2 Sonnet, XI. [83] Sonnet, XI. '\J\Hen my loathed life^ had loB the light of Olimpus, And defcended downe^ to the curfed caues o/" Auernus, Neuer more had I thought, of men to he inlie molefied. But now alas, I fee my hope is vaine : My pleafure turned, to eternall paine. For fuch foolifi men, as I had neuer abufed: Neuer abufed alas, yet alas, had euer abufed', Euer abufed fo, becaufefo neuer abufed. Not onelyfeeke to quench my kindled glorie. But alfo for to marre my vertues Borie. And though my life were lewd. Oh how it grieues me to thinke it. Lewd as a life might be, from all good counfell abandond: And giuen ouer vp, to the out caflfenfe of a finner. Yet might my end, haue moud them to remorce : And not to reake their teene, onfillie cor/e. 15 10 Sonnet, XII. [84] Sonnet, XII. pather o'i Heauen^ for thy mercies meekenes, And thy fweete Sonnes fake, QhriB the redeemer, Pardon, Oh pardon, finfull offender. Lord I befeech him. g And though his age, here on earth were a loathfome Pudddle of filthynes, inly poluted, With all abufe, that can be deuifed, Yet was his ending ; Ending a myrrour, of a man molefted, lo One ouer-whelmed with his iniquities. And to be holpen alone by the le/us Sauiour of all men. Sonnet. XIII. i^o] Sonnet, XIII. A/weete Prater to the Trinitie by R. S and vjed of R. G. at the injlant of his death. 'pRinity blefled, Deitie coequall, Vnitie facred, God one eke in effence, Yeeld to thy feruant pittifully calling MercifuU hearing. Vertuous liuing, did I long relinguifh, Thy will and precpts miferably fcorning, Graunt to me, finfull patient, repenting, Healthfull amendment. Blefled I iudge him, that in heart is healed, Curfed I know him, that in health is harmed. Thy Phificke therefore to me, wretch vnhappie. Send my Redeemer. Glorie to God the Father, and his onelie Sonne, The Protedor of vs Earthie finners Thy facred Spirit, laborours refrefhing, Still be renowmed. Araen. lO 15 [86] Sonnet, XIIII. An other Poeme^ borrowed of the fame learned Gentleman R. S. R. G.fpeaketh. LOrd, my dryrie foes, why doe they multiply? Me for to ruinate, fundry be couetous. Him fhildes not the Godhead, fundry fay to my Soule. Th'art Lord moft vigilant, wholy my fuccorer, 5 And in thee all my ftayinge, fhall be harboured : Th'art my moft valiant vidlorie glorious. To our Lord lowd I cried : from holy place heard he me. In graue new buried, fcarce haue I flumbred : I rofe to life againe, through God his holines. 10 I feare not furious multitude, infinite. With compaffe labouring, my body for to catch. Rife Lord omnipotent, helpe me, my champion, Lord, thy deare radiant, righteous equitie, Hath fquifde all my foes, falfely me ranfaking. 15 Our Lord participiates, fafetie with happines : /i^ith gifts, heauenly Godhead, thy people amply bleile. Amen. [87] NOTES. p. 3. I . Gregory Coolie] There are several references to this person in the State Papers, where his name appears as Cole. In 1586 he is mentioned, in a list of Irish claimants, as having a debt to collect for ' my Lady of Sussex * (see Calendar of State Papers, Irish, I 586-8, p. I 26, also pp. 65, IO4, I45). Later he became implicated in the affairs of Sir John Perrot, lord deputy of Ireland. In I 588 Perrot had been summoned to London to answer certain accusations touching his loyalty, which included charges of having spoken dis- respectfully of the Queen. Among those to whom he had made disloyal remarks was Cole, who had, however, kept them to himself, and not reported them as he should have done. For this we can hardly blame him, seeing that Perrot had threatened to break his neck if he gave him away, and was just the man to carry out his threat. Nevertheless, Cole was imprisoned, and he was still a prisoner at Dublin in October, 1592 {Cal. of S. P., Irish, 1592-6, p. 2). In the following month, however, his release was ordered by the Privy Council i^Acts of the P. C, New Sen, xxiii. 312). In a paper of the year 1596, giving a survey of the English Pale, Cole appears as ' of Clonard '. I have not been able to find any later allusion to him. From the reference in 11. 4-5 to his 'chaste Chamber at Dublyne\ it looks as if the writer of Greeners Neius did not know of his release. 2. Clonarde~\ On the Boyne, Upper Moyfenrath, co. Meath. 26-8. Spirits . . . fpoken imlo] Cf. Hamlet, i. i. 45. It may be re- marked that the notion seems to belong rather to popular than to learned demonology. 5. I . fue-fnger] the five of trumps in the game called ' maw ' ; cf. N.E.D. and Middleton's Family of Love, v. iii. I4I. 2, a tale . . . of an Ajfe] The tale seems to refer to the conduct of Sir John Perrot as lord deputy of Ireland. He was notorious for his arrogance and assumption of autocratic power. The words ' that rauifhed a Church of her lyuings', in 11. 35—6, may allude to his proposal to turn St. Patrick's Cathedral in Dublin into a court-house, and apply its revenues to the erection of colleges. See D. N. B. 7. 21. Quoth I to your freend] I suppose that More's Dialogue of the Veneration and IVorship of Images is meant. This is in the form of a report, sent by More to a friend of his, of a conversation between More and a young man who had come to him with a letter of introduction from the friend. Hence expressions such as ' quod your friend ', ' said your friend ', &c., are of frequent occurrence. The Utopia and the Supplication of Souls need no remark. [m] [ 89 ] Notes. 9. 7. Velvet breeches . . . Cloth breeches] It is perhaps unnecessary to remark that these are the chief characters of Greene's Quip for an Upstart Courtier, one of the most popular of his tracts. 12. 15-16.] Perhaps suggested by Cornelius Agrippa, De Vanltate Scientiarum, cap. 81, where the author remarks on the correspondence between the ' cruell and greedy beastes ' depicted in coats of arms and the way their bearers attained to their position. 15. I g-20. for the holding vp of S. Peters chayre'\ Alluding probably to the extremely rapid succession of Popes at this time, there being four from 1590 to 1592. 18. 3 7, &c. King Henry the thyrf\ The story is told, with some slight variations, of William II by William of Malmesbury and the chroniclers who followed him (Holinshed, ed. 1807-8, ii. 46; Stow, ed. 1615, p. 128). The servant did not return and say that there were no more expensive hose to be got. He brought the king a cheaper pair than the first, and told him that they cost a mark, ' and then was he well satisfied, and said ; Yea marie, these are more fit for a king to weare, and so drew them vpon his legs.' 21. 20. trufly Roger] Apparently a jesting name for a servant, perhaps especially an unfaithful one, cf. Nashe's Have nvith you to Saffron-W alden^ sig. D 3^. 24. 1 4. in the rozu] Goldsmith's Row was on the south side of Cheapside. For a number of notices of it, see Harrison's Description of England, ed. Fumivall, pt. ii. pp. 4*-6*. 25. 19. by] The use of 'by' is strange, but probably not a misprint. Such phrases as ' saying it by my man ', i.e. referring to, or meaning, my man, are cjuite usual. 27. 22. of his words] I cannot explain the precise force of this phrase. Can it be a sort of abbreviated form of some such expression as ' surreverence of his words ', and mean, ' with all respect to what he said ' ? 31. 4-5. {Good . . . me)] The Elizabethans often used parentheses as we now use quotation marks ; cf. 1. 1 6 below, also Club Laiv, ed. Moore Smith, 1. 505, and Whkgik's Defence of the Jnsiver, I 574, p. 714 — to take two examples at random. 44. 19, &c. Knoive then that I -Kwf«i'7, 34. 25. gadding, wandering, 73, 13. garden, see guards. garishly, 51. 30. gaule, gall, sore,- 5 r. gaze, in a, 54. 14 : 'taken the gaze on us,' 38. 31. glooming, j-Zoowy, 38. 19. gobbet, piece, 60. 1 8. goblin-led, 39. 5. Goldsmith's row, 24. 14 ; 25. 30. Graties Street, Gracechurch St., 20. 21-2 ; 23. 34. Greene, R. : his books of Cony-catch- ing, 17. 7-8 : his Farewell to Folly, II. 31 : his Groatsworth of Wit, 11, 37 : his Never too Late, 12. 29 : his Quip for an Upstart Courtier alluded to, 9. 6-10 : various works men- tioned, 83. grow, *to grow into comparisons,' 10. 25-6. grisly, 3. 20. grist, corn to be ground, 44. 22. guards, ornamental edgings, 43. 20. Guy, 71. II. Guyon, 71. 11. haggish, diabolical, 58, 17. heart, next one's, on an empty stomach, 36. 13 ; 50. 2. Henry III : his hose, 18. 37, &c. Hildebrand, Pope, 55. 35. Hodge-poke, 76. 13. Holy Lamb, yignus Dei, 40. 34. horn-plague, 51. 19, 29, horse, great, charger, 18. 28. hospitality, decay of, 11. 17-21. [ 94 I faith, 28. 8. imbeiseled, diminished, wanting, 55. II. imbroyders, embroideries, 43. 20. inconsiderate, unadvised, careless, ir. 2-3. inconsideration, want of care, 9. 31. Indies, large sums for Spain from the, 24. 28-9. indiiferency, imparclality, 18. 9. ingredience, ingredient, 36. 18-19. I per se I, 7. 5. Ireland, 3. 5 ; 57. 5. jealous, suspicious, 14. 10. Jesuits, 7. 27-8; 53. 26; 57. 15. kindly, } cle-verlj^, 48. 16. laps, * light into the laps oi,'fall into the power of, 17. 24. Legenda Aurea, 7. 19—20. lenify, mitigate, 13. i. let, vb., omit, fail, 47. 17. let, sb., opposition, 42. 11. load, lay on, beat "violently, 9. 3. lug (by the ears), 9. 14. make-book, 79. 13. malipart, 10. 25. Malta's Poet, 81. 7, 8. marriage, bridegroom waits at table at a, 34. 29-31. massing priest, 57. 15-16. maw, a card game, 4. 37. may-pole, 30. 16. Meliboeus, 80, 6. mess of cream, some form of junket , 32. 18. mete-yard, measure, 36. 9, 25. minced pies, 34. 25. More, Sir T. ; various works of his mentioned, 7. 21-3. mystlin, maslin, mixed grain, esp, rye and IV heat, 4. 25. ne, 7ior, 73. 15, 16. nemo sine briber i vi'vit, 42. 30. nicety, coyness, 46. 31. non-resident clergy, 62. 23. ] Index. occasions, business, 44. 4. of, off, 41. 29 ; 60. 17. of, on, 17. 37; 28. 31; 31. 9, 11; 32. 18. out, 'full out ten years,' 40. 18. Pancredge (Church), St. Pancras, 3. 9. parcels {oi cloth), pieces, 33. 21. parle, to enter, 13. 37. pass with, Iput up with, or 1 accompany, 13.6. pat,/r, apt, 47. 22. Paul's, St., serving men's advertise- ments on the West Door of, 20. 25-6. pelting, /«/^/7, 4, 34. penner, pen-case, 17. 26. peradventure, without all, 57. 10. Perrot, Sir J., probable allusion to, 5. 2, &c. Phyllis, 79. 6, &c. Pie-corner, 3. 9. pin, 'pass not of a pin,' care not, 82. 15. pinckeny, small eye, 31. 27. pitch, sb., IJlight, 20, 8. pitch (a price), offer, 23. 3. platform, />/««, 56. 24. platted, 1 plaited, 43, 37. platted, /)/c/W, 57. 3. polled (sheep), hortiless, 31. i. pommell, 'vb., 59. 2. pompious, /iow/)o«j, 55, 22. ponttficalibus, in his, 55, 19. pop (a question), 31, 18. porter's lodge (as a prison), 9. 26. post (for advertisements of books, &c.), 4- 7. potato roots, 50, 1-2. poulde, see polled. pretence, intention, plan, 46, 16. proportion, by, 43. 37: 'in any pro- portion of battle,' 55. 25. puny, novice, 46, 33. quyllities, quibbles, 61. 27. rasing, ? {see note), 58. T4. red lattice (of an ale-house), 8. 31. Rhemish Testament, 7. 25. Rigour, 51. 3. ring-leader, 30. 15-16. Robin Goodfellow, 61. 9. Roger, Trusty, 21. 20. roll, tress of hair {false), 43. 18, 36. run on the score, 30. 11. seam, ^rf^j^ {used for dressing nvool), 32, 34. seminary, priest, 7. 28 ; 39. 36-7 ; 53. 26; 57. 15. set, ruffs of the new, 43. 19. shift oneself, change one's clothes^ 21. II. Silk Stockings, 20. 14, &c. skarred, scared, 6. 3. skipjack, 20. 12. skrike, shriek, 42. 34. snarled, caught, 9. 18. spice-cakes, 32. 21-2. spirits, cannot speak until spoken to, 3. 26-8. spoon meat, 35. 24. squaddy, "i thick-set, 54. 3. squisde, squeezed, crushed, 87. 14. Stanyhurst, R., 86 ; 87. stickler, umpire, 9. 8. stomach, ' my stomach swelled against him,' I grew angry, 10. 15-16. stond (of ale), stand, cask, 30. 22. subintelligitur, 29. 22. sugared sonnets, 81. 15. summer lord, leader of May-games, 30. 17- swasher, bully, 60. 9. taflRta, double turffcd, ? ttftaffaty, a fabric ivith a velirty pile arranged in tufts or spots, 22. 32. take up (a quarrel), compose, 59. 37. Tarlton, Dick, 58. 22. teen, sorrow, 84. 15, temper, out of, (of a mill,) 45. i, 21. terrestial, terrestrial, 7. 15 ; 51. 4. toot, peer, 38. 22. Tormoyle Street, ? Turnbull Street, 8. 31-2. truss, bundle, 43. 2. truth, ' speak a truth,' 19. 35. turffed, see taifita. Tyburn, 56. 22. underlaying, ? lining, 43. 22. up, 'he up with his fist,' 58. 37. velvet, three piled, 22. 29. Velvet Breeches, 9. 7, &c. 95 ] Index. ventosity, 35. 25. verd\nga.\e, fart/jiftgale, 43. 21. walk (of fists), vb., 59. 3. waster, cudgel, 37. 9. way, 'take the way of,' 10. 31. wedding, see marriage. weehee, 3-1. 5. weights, gold, 25. 24. Westminster Hall, 17. 14; 54-9; 61, 25. wink, * trust not an old queen if she once begins to wink,' 45. 33. wittol, 51. 32. yerwhiles, ere-ivhlle, a little while ago, 9- 37. Oxford : Horace Hart, Printer to the University PR G'7 THE LIBRARY UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA Santa Barbara THIS BOOK IS DUE ON THE LAST DATE STAMPED BELOW. 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