SUSAN CLEGG HER FRIEND AN HER NEIGH ANNE WARNER SUSAN CLEGG HER FRIEND AND HER NEIGHBORS " I wish I 'd never gone! " Frontispiece. See page 154 SUSAN CLEGG HER FRIEND AND HER NEIGHBORS BY ANNE WARNER AUTHOR OF " THE RKJUVKNATION OF AUNT MARY ' " JUST BETWBBN THEMSELVES," " IN A MYSTERIOUS WAY," ETC. ILLUSTRATED BOSTON LITTLE, BROWN, AND COMPANY 1910 Copyright 1903, 1904, 1905, by The Century Company ; 1904, by The Red Book Corporation ; 1905, by The Bobbs Merrill Company. Copyright, 1904, 1906, IQIO, BY LITTLE, BROWN, AND COMPANY. All rights reserved THE UNIVERSITY PRESS, CAMBRIDGE, U.S.A. 1523720 CONTENTS PACK I. THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG ... I II. Miss CLEGG'S ADOPTED 43 III. JATHROP LATHROP'S Cow 83 IV. SUSAN CLEGG'S COUSIN MARION. . . . 126 V. THE MINISTER'S VACATION 1 66 VI. MRS. LATHROP'S LOVE AFFAIR Part First : The Deacon's Dilemma . 228 Part Second : The Automobile . . . 249 VII. OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 270 VIII. THE WOLF AT SUSAN'S DOOR Part First: Miss Clegg's Speculations . 298 Part Second: Gran'ma Mullins's Woe . 322 Part Third: Lucy Dill's Wedding . . 343 Part Fourth : Mr. Jilkins's Hat . . . 357 IX. A VERY SUPERIOR MAN 369 SUSAN CLEGG Her Friend and Her Neighbors I THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG SUSAN CLEGG and Mrs. Lathrop were next-door neighbors and bosom friends. Their personalities were extremely congenial, and the theoretical relation which the younger woman bore to the elder was a further bond between them. Owing to the death of her mother some twenty years be- fore, Susan had fallen into the position of a helpless and timid young girl whose only key to the problems of life in general had been the advice of her older and wiser neigh- bor. As a matter of fact Mrs. Lathrop was barely twelve years the senior, but she had married and as a consequence felt and was felt to be immeasurably the more ancient of the two. Susan had never married, for her father a bedridden paralytic had occupied her 2 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG time day and night for years. He was a great care and as she did her duty by him with a thoroughness which was praiseworthy in the extreme she naturally had very little leisure for society. Mrs. Lathrop had more, because her family consisted of but one son, and she was not given to that species of housekeeping which sweeps under the beds too often. It therefore came about that the one and only recreation which the friends could enjoy together to any great extent was visiting over the fence. Visiting over the fence is an occupation in which any woman may indulge without fear of unkind criticism. If she takes occasion to run in next door, she is of course leaving the house which she ought to be keeping, but she can lean on the fence all day without feeling derelict as to a single duty. Then, too, there is some- thing about the situation which produces a species of agreeable subconsciousness that one is at once at home and abroad. It fol- lowed that Susan and Mrs. Lathrop each wore a path from her kitchen door to the trysting-spot, and that all summer long they met there early and late. Mrs. Lathrop did the listening while she chewed clover. Just beyond her woodpile red clover grew luxuriantly, and when she started for the place of meeting it was her in- variable custom to stop and pull a number of blossoms so that she might eat the tender petals while devoting her attention to the business in hand. It must be confessed that the business in hand was nearly always Miss Clegg's business, but since Mrs. Lathrop, in her position of experienced adviser, was deeply interested in Susan's exposition of her own affairs, that trifling circumstance appeared of little moment. One of the main topics of conversation was Mr. Clegg. As Mr. Clegg had not quitted his bed for over a score of years, it might seem that his novelty as a subject of discussion would have been long since exhausted. But not so. His daughter was the most devoted of daughters, and his name was ever rife on her lips. What he required done for him and what he required done to him were the main ends of her existence, and the demands of his comfort, daily or annual, resulted in numerous phrases of a startling but thoroughly intelligible order. 4 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG Of such a sort was her usual Saturday morning greeting to Mrs. Lathrop, " 1 'm sorry to cut you off so quick, but this 's father's day to be beat up and got into new pillow-slips," or her regular early-June remark, " Well, I thank Heaven 't father 's had his hair picked over V 't he 's got his new tick for this year ! " Mrs. Lathrop was always interested, al- ways sympathetic, and rarely ever startled ; yet one July evening when Susan said sud- denly, " I Ve finished my dress for father's funeral," she did betray a slight shock. "You ought to see it," the younger woman continued, not noticing the other's start, " it 's jus' 's nice. I put it away in camphor balls, 'n' Lord knows I don't look forward to the gettin' it out to wear, Pr the whole carriage load '11 sneeze their heads off whenever I move in that dress." "Did you put newspaper " Mrs. La- throp began, mastering her earlier emotions. "In the sleeves ? Yes, I did, 'n' I bought a pair o' black gloves 'n' two hand- kerchiefs 'n' slipped 'em into the pockets. Everythin' is all fixed, 'n' there '11 be nothin* to do when father dies but to shake it out THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 5 V lay it on the bed in his room. I say 'in his room,' 'cause o' course that day he '11 be havin' the guest-room. I was thinkin' of it all this afternoon when I sat there by him hemmin' the braid on the skirt, 'n' I could n't but think 't if I sit 'n' wait very much lon- ger I sh'll suddenly find myself pretty far advanced in years afore I know it. This world 's made f'r the young 's well 's the old, 'n' you c'n believe me or not jus' 's you please, Mrs. Lathrop, but I 've always meant to get married 's soon 's father was off my hands. I was countin' up to-day, though, 'n' if he lives to be a hunderd, I '11 be nigh onto seventy 'n' no man ain't goin* to marry me at seventy. Not 'nless he was eighty, 'n' Lord knows I ain't intendin' to bury father jus* to begin on some one else, V that 'sail it 'd be." Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. " I set there thinkin' f'r a good hour, 'n' when I was puttin' away the dress, I kep' on thinkin', 'n' the end was 't now that dress 's done I ain't got nothin' in especial to sew on 'n' so I may jus' 's well begin on my weddin' things. There 's no time like the present, 'n' 'f I married this summer he 'd 6 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG have to pay f'r half of next winter's coal. 'N' so my mind 's made up, 'n' you c'n talk yourself blind, 'f you feel so inclined, Mrs. Lathrop, but you can't change hide or hair o' my way o' thinkin'. I Ve made up my mind to get married, 'n' I 'm goin' to set right about it. Where there 's a will there 's a way, 'n' I ain't goin' to leave a stone unturned. I went down town with the kerosene-can jus' afore tea, 'n' I bought me a new false front, 'n' I met Mrs. Brown's son, 'n' I told him 't I wanted him to come up to-morrow 'n' take a look at father." " Was you thinkin' o' marryin' Mrs. Br " Mrs. Lathrop gasped, taking her clover from her lips. " Marryin' Mrs. Brown's son ! Well, 'f your mind don't run queer ways ! What- ever sh'd put such an idea into your head ? I hope you '11 excuse my sayin' so, Mrs. Lathrop, but I don't believe anybody but you would ever 'a' asked such a question, when you know 's well 's everybody else does 't he 's runnin' his legs off after Amelia Fitch. Any man who wants a little chit o' eighteen would n't suit my taste much, 'n' THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 7 anyhow I never thought of him ; I only asked him to come in in a friendly way 'n' tell me how long he thinks 't father may live. I don't see my way to makin' any sort o' plans with father so dreffle indefinite, 'n' a man who was fool enough to marry me, tied up like I am now, would n't have s'fficient brains to be worth lookin' over. Mrs. Brown's son 's learnin' docterin', 'n' he 's been at it long enough so 's to be able to see through anythin' 's simple 's father, / sh'd think. 'T any rate, 'f he don't know nothin' yet, Heaven help Amelia Fitch 'n' me, f 'r he '11 take us both in." "Who was you thinkin' o' " Mrs. Lathrop asked, resuming her former occu- pation. " The minister," replied Miss Clegg. " I did n't stop to consider very much, but it struck me 's polite to begin with him. I c'd marry him without waitin* for father, too, 'cause a minister could n't in reason find fault over another man's bein' always to home. O' course he would n't be still like father is, but I ain't never been one to look gift-horses in the mouth, 'n' I d'n' know 's I 'd ought to expect another man jus like father in one 8 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG life. Mother often said father's advantages O was great, for you always knew where he was, V 'f you drew down the shade you c'd tell him it was rainin' 'n' he could n't never contradick." Mrs. Lathrop nodded acquiescently but made no comment. Miss Clegg withdrew somewhat from her confidentially inclined attitude. " I won't be out in the mornin'," she said. " I sh'll want to dust father 'n' turn him out o' the window afore Mrs. Brown's son comes. After he 's gone I '11 wave my dish-towel, 'n' then you come out 'n' I '11 tell you what he says." They separated for the night, and Susan went to sleep with her own version of love's young dream. Mrs. Brown's son arrived quite promptly the next morning. He drove up in Mr. Brown's buggy, and Amelia Fitch held the horse while he went inside to inspect Mr. Clege. The visit did not consume more DO than ten minutes, and then he hurried out to the gate and was off. The buggy was hardly out of sight up the road when Miss Clegg emerged from her THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 9 kitchen door, her face bearing an imprint of deep and thorough disgust. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I don't think much o' that young man," she announced in a tone of unmitigated disapproval; " 'peared to me like he was in a hurry to get done with father 's quick 's he could just so 's to be back beside Amelia Fitch. I 'd venture a guess that 'f you was to ask him this minute he 's forgot every word I said to him already. I asked him to set some sort of a figger on father, V he would n't so much 's set down himself. Stood on one leg 'n' backed towards the door every other word, 'n' me, father's only child, standin' there at his mercy. Said 't last 's he might die to-morrow 'n' might live twenty years. I tell you my patience pretty near went at that. I don't call such a answer no answer a tall. I 've often thought both them things myself, 'n' me no doctor. Particularly about the twenty years. Father 's lived seventy-five years I must say't to my order o' thinkin' he 's pretty well set a-goin', 'n' that the life he leads ain't drainin' his vitality near 's much 's it 's drainin' mine." Miss Clegg stopped and shook her head impatiently. 10 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG " I d'n' know when I 've felt as put out 's this. 'N' me with so much faith in doctors too. It's a pretty sad thing, Mrs. Lathrop, when all the comfort you c'n get out of a man is the thinkin' 't perhaps God in his mercy has made him a fool. I had a good mind to tell that very thing to Mrs. Brown's son, but I thought maybe he 'd learn better later. Anyway I 'm goin' right ahead with my marriage. It'll have to be the minister now, 'n' I can't see what I Ve ever done 't I sh'd have two men around the house 't once like they '11 be, but that 's all in the hands o' Fate, 'n' so I jus' took the first step 'n' told Billy when he brought the milk to tell his father 't if he 'd come up here to-night I 'd give him a quarter for the Mission fund. I know the quarter '11 bring him, 'n' I can't help kind o' hopin' 't to-morrow '11 find the whole thing settled 'n' off my mind." The next morning Mrs. Lathrop laid in an unusually large supply of fodder and was very early at the fence. Her son a placid little innocent of nine-and-twenty years was still in bed and asleep. Susan was up and washing her breakfast dishes, but the instant that she spied her friend she abruptly THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 11 abandoned her task and hastened to the rendezvous. "Are you goin' t' " Mrs. Lathrop called eagerly. " No, I ain't," was the incisive reply. Then they both adjusted their elbows com- fortably on the top rail of the fence, and Miss Clegg began, her voice a trifle higher pitched than usual. "Mrs. Lathrop, it's a awful thing for a Christian woman to feel forced to say, V Lord knows I would n't say it to no one but you, but it 's true 'n' beyond a question so, 'n' therefore I may 's well be frank 'n' open 'n' remark 't our minister ain't no good a /*//. 'N' I d'n' know but I'll tell any one 's asks me the same thing, f 'r it cer- tainly ain't nothin' f'r me to weep over, 'n' the blood be on his head from now on." Miss Clegg paused briefly, and her eyes became particularly wide open. Mrs. La- throp was all attention. " Mrs. Lathrop, you ain't lived next to me 'n' known me in 'n' out 'n' hind 'n' front all these years not to know 't I 'm pretty sharp. I ain't been cheated mor' 'n twice 'n my life, 'n' one o' them times was n't my 12 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG fault, for it was printed on the band 't it would wash. Such bein' the case, V takin' the minister into consideration, I do consider 't no man would 'a' supposed 't he could get the better o' me. It's a sad thing to have to own to, 'n' if I was anybody else in kingdom come I 'd never own to it till I got there ; but my way is to live open 'n' aboveboard, 'n' so to my shame be 't told 't the minister with all 't he's got eight children 'n' I ain't even married is cer- tainly as sharp as me. Last night when I see him comin' up the walk I never 'd 'a' believed 's he c'd get away again so easy, but it just goes to show what a world o' deceit this is, 'n' seein' 's I have father to clean from his windows aroun' to-day, I '11 ask you to excuse me 'f I don't draw the subjeck out none, but jus' remark flat 'n' plain 't there ain't no chance o' my ever marryin' the min- ister. You may consider that a pretty strong statement, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' I don't say myself but 't with any other man there might be a hereafter, but it was me 'n' not anybody else as see his face last night, 'n' seein' his face 'n' bein' a woman o' more brains 'n falls to the lot of yourself 'n' the majority, I may THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 13 just as well say once for all that, 's far 's the minister's concerned, I sh'll never be married to him" "What did he " began Mrs. Lathrop. "All 't was necessary 'n' more too. He did n't give me hardly time to state 't I was single afore he come out strong 't we 'd both better stay so. I spoke right out to his face then, 'n' told him 't my shingles was new last year 'n' it was a open question whether his 'd ever be, but he piped up f 'r all the world like some o' the talkin' was his to do, 'n' said 't he had a cistern 'n' I 'd only got a sunk hogshead under the spout. I did n't see no way to denyin* that^ but I went right on 'n' asked him 'f he could in his con- science deny 't them eight children stood in vital need of a good mother, 'n' he spoke up 's quick 's scat 'n' said 't no child stood in absolute vital need of a mother after it was born. 'N' then he branched out 'n' give me to understand 't he had a wife till them eight children all got themselves launched 'n' 't it was n't his fault her dyin' o' Rachel Rebecca. When he said f dyin',' I broke in 'n' said 't it was Bible-true 's there was 's good fish in the sea 's ever was caught out 14 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG of it, 'n' he was impolite enough to interrupt 'n' tell me to my face * Yes, but when a man had been caught once he was n't easy caught again.' I will own 't I was more 'n put out 't that, for o' course when I said fish I meant his wife 'n' me, but when he pretended to think 't I meant him I begin to doubt 's it was worth while to tackle him further. One man can lead a horse to water, but a thousand can't get him to stick his nose in 'f he don't want to, 'n' I thank my stars 't I ain't got nothin' 'n me as craves to marry a man 's appears dead-set ag'in' the idea. I asked him 'f he did n't think 's comin' into property was always a agreeable feelin', 'n' he said, * Yes, but not when with riches come a secret thorn in the flesh,' 'n' at that I clean give up, 'n' I hope it was n't to my discredit, for no one on the face of the earth could 'a' felt 't there 'd be any good in keepin' on. But it was no use, 'n' you know 's well as I do 't I never was give to wastin* my breath, so I out 'n' told him 't I was n't giv' to wastin' my time either, 'n' then I stood up 'n' he did too. 'N' then I got even with him, 'n' I c'n assure you 't I enjoyed it, f 'r I out 'n' told him 't I 'd changed my mind THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 15 about the quarter. So he had all that long walk for nothin', 'n' I can't in conscience deny 't I was more 'n rejoiced, for Lord knows I did n't consider 't he'd acted very obligin'." Mrs. Lathrop ceased to chew and looked deeply sympathetic. There was a brief silence, and then she asked, " Was you thinkin' o' try in' any " Miss Clegg stared at her in amazement. " Mrs. Lathrop ! Do you think I 'd give up now, 'n' let the minister see 't my marryin' depended on his say-so ? Well, I guess not ! I 'm more dead-set 'n' ever, 'n' I vow 'n' declare 't I '11 never draw breath till after I 've stood up right in the face o' the minister 'n' the whole congrega- tion 'n' had 'n' held some man, no matter who nor when nor where. Marryin' was goin' to have been a pleasure, now it 's a business. I 'm goin' to get a horse 'n' buggy this afternoon 'n' drive out to Farmer Sperrit's. I 've thought it all over, 'n' I c'n tell father 't I '11 be choppin' wood ; then 'f he says afterwards 't he called 'n' called, I c'n say 't I was makin' so much noise 't I didn't hear him." 16 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG "You '11 have to hire " suggested Mrs. Lathrop. " I know, but it won't cost but fifty cents, 'n' I saved a quarter on the minister, you know. I 'd like to ask you to drive out with me, Mrs. Lathrop, but if Mr. Sperrit's got it in him to talk like the minister did, I 'm free to confess 't, I 'd rather be alone to listen. 'N' really, Mrs. Lathrop, I must go in now. I 've got bread a-risin' 'n' dishes to do, 'n', as I told you before, this is father's day to be all but scraped 'n' varnished." Mrs. Lathrop withdrew her support from the fence, and Miss Clegg did likewise. Each returned up her own path to her own domicile, and it was long after that day's tea-time before the cord of friendship got knotted up again. " Did you go to the farm ? " Mrs. Lathrop asked. " I was to the Sewin' So " "Yes, I went," said Miss Clegg, her air decidedly weary ; " oh, yes, I went. I had a nice ride too, 'n' I do believe I saw the whole farm, from the pigs to the punkins." There was a pause, and Mrs. Lathrop filled it to the brim with expectancy until she could wait no longer. THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 17 " Are you " she finally asked. " No," said her friend, sharply, " I ain't. He wasn't a bit spry to hop at the chance, 'n' Lord knows there wa'n't no great urgin* on my part. I asked him why he ain't never married, 'n' he laughed like it was a funny subjeck, 'n' said 's long 's he never did it 't that was the least o' his troubles. I did n't call that a very encouragin' beginnin', but my mind was made up not to let it be my fault 'f the horse was a dead waste o' fifty cents, 'n' so I said to him 't if he 'd marry any woman with a little money he could easy buy the little Jones farm right next him, 'n' then 't 'd be 's clear 's day that it 'd be his own fault if he did n't soon stretch right from the brook to the road. He laughed some more 't that, 'n' said 't I did n't seem to be aware 't he owned a mortgage on the Jones farm 'n' got all 't it raised now 'n' would get the whole thing in less 'n two years." Mrs. Lathrop stopped chewing. " They was sayin' in the Sewin' Society 's he 's goin* to marry Eliza Gr " she said mildly. Miss Clegg almost screamed. 18 THE MARltYING OF SUSAN CLEGG " Eliza Gringer, as keeps house for him ? " Her friend nodded. Miss Clegg drew in a sudden breath. " Well ! 'f I'd knowed that, I 'd never 'a' paid fifty cents for that horse 'n' buggy ! Eliza Gringer ! why, she 's older 'n' I am, she was to * Cat ' when I was only to ' M.' 'N' he's goin' to marry her! Oh, well, I d'n' know 's it makes any difference to me. In my opinion a man as 'd be fool enough to be willin' to marry a woman 's ain't got nothin' but herself to give him, 's likelier to be happier bein' her fool 'n he ever would be bein' mine." There was a pause. " Your father 's just the " Mrs. La- throp said at last. " Same ? Oh yes, he 's just the same. Seems 't I can't remember when he was n't just the same." Then there was another pause. " I ain't discouraged," Susan announced suddenly, almost aggressively, "I ain't discouraged 'n' I won't give up. I 'm goin' to see Mr. Weskin, the lawyer, to-morrow. They say 'n' I never see nothin' to lead me to doubt 'em 't he 's stingy 'n' mean THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 19 for all he 's forever makin' so merry at other folks' expense ; but I believe 't there 's good in everythin' 'f you're willin' to hunt for it 'n' Lord knows 't if this game keeps up much longer I '11 get so used to huntin' 't huntin' the good in Lawyer Weskin '11 jus' be child's play to me." " I was thinkin' " began Mrs. Lathrop. " It ain't no use if you are," said her neighbor ; " the mosquitoes is gettin' too thick. We 'd better in." And so they parted for the night. The following evening was hot and breath- less, the approach of Fourth of July appear- ing to hang heavily over all. Susan brought a palm-leaf fan with her to the fence and fanned vigorously. " It ain't goin' to be the lawyer, either," she informed the expectant Mrs. Lathrop, " 'n' I hav' n't no tears to shed over that. I went there the first thing after dinner, 'n' he give me a solid chair 'n' whirled aroun' in one 't twisted, 'n' I did n't fancy such man- ners under such circumstances a tall. I 'd say suthin' real serious 'n' he 'd brace him- self ag'in his desk 'n' take a spin 's if I 20 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG did n't count for sixpence. I could n't seem to bring him around to the seriousness of the thing nohow. 'N' I come right out square 'n' open in the very beginnin' too, for Lord knows I 'm dead sick o' beatin' around the bush o* men's natural shyness. He whirled himself clean around two times 'n' then said 's long 's I was so frank with him 't it 'd be nothin' but a joy for him to be equally frank with me 'n' jus' say 's he'd rather not. I told him he 'd ought to remember 's he 'd have a lot o' business when father died 'f he kept my good will, but he was lookin' over 'n' under himself to see how near to un- screwed he was 'n' if it was safe to keep on turnin' the same way any longer, 'n' upon my honor, Mrs. Lathrop, I was nigh to mad afore he got ready to remark 's father 'd left him a legacy on condition 't he did n't charge nothin' for probatin'." Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. " So I come away, 'n' I declare my patience is nigh to gin out. This gettin' married is harder 'n' house-paintin' in fly-time. I d'n' know when I 've felt so tired. Here's three nights 't I 've had to make my ideas all over new to suit a different husband each night. THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 21 It made my very bones ache to think o' pilin' them eight children 'n' the minister on top o' father, 'n' then the next night it was a good jump out to that farm, Pr I never was one to know any species o' fellow-feelin' with pigs 'n' milkin'. 'N' last night ! well, you know I never liked Mr. Weskin anyhow. But I d'n' know who I can get now. There 's Mrs. Healy's husband, o' course; but when a woman looks happier in her coffin 'n she ever looked out of it it's more 'n a hint to them 's stays behind to fight shy o' her hus- band. They say he used to throw dishes at her, 'n' I never could stand that I'm too careful o' my china to risk any such goin's on." Mrs. Lathrop started to speak, but got no further. " There 's a new clerk in the drug-store, I see him through the window when I was comin' home to-day. He looked to be a nice kind o' man, but I can't help feelin' 't it 'd be kind o' awkward to go up to him 'n' have to begin by askin' him what my name 'd be 'f I married him. Maybe there 's them 's could do such a thing, but I 've never had nothin' about me 's 'd lead me to throw my- 22 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG self at the head o' any man, 'n' it 's too late in the day f'r me to start in now." Mrs. Lathrop again attempted to get in a word and was again unsuccessful. " I don't believe 't there 's another free man in the town. I 've thought 'n' thought 'n' I can't think o' one." She stopped and sighed. " There 's Jathrop ! " said Mrs. Lathrop, with sudden and complete success. Jathrop was her son, so baptized through a fearful slip of the tongue at a critical moment. He was meant to have been John. Miss Clegg gave such a start that she dropped her fan over the fence. " Well, Heaven forgive me!" she cried, "'n' me 't never thought of him once, 'n' him so handy right on the other side of the fence ! Did I ever ! " " He ain't thir " said Mrs. Lathrop, picking up the fan. "I don't care. What's twelve years or so when it 's the woman 's 'as got the prop- erty ? Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I certainly am obliged to you for mentiomn' him, for I don't believe he ever would 'a' occurred to me in kingdom come. 'N' here I 've been worryin' THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 23 my head off ever since supper-time 'n' all for suthin' 's close 's Jathrop Lathrop. But I had good cause to worry, 'n' now 't it 's over I don't mind mentionin' the reason 'n' tellin' you frank 'n' plain 't I 'd begun on my things. I cut out a pink nightgown last night, a real fussy one, 'n' I felt sick all over 't the thought 't perhaps I 'd wasted all that cloth. There was n't nothin' foolish about cuttin' out the nightgown, for I 'd made up my mind 't if it looked too awful fancy on 't I 'd just put it away for the oldest girl when she gets married, but o' course 'f I can't get a nusband stands to reason there '11 be no oldest girl, 'n' all that ten cent gingham 't Shores is sellin' off 't five 'd be a dead waste o' good stuff." Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. "Do you suppose there'll be any trouble with Jathrop ? Do you suppose it '11 matter any to him which side o' the fence he lives on?" Mrs. Lathrop shook her head slowly. " I sh'd think he ought to be only too pleased to marry me 'f I want him to, all the days 't I tended him when he was a baby! My, but he was a cute little fellow ! Every- 24 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG body was lookin' for him to grow up a real credit to you then. Well, 's far 's that goes, it's a ill wind 't blows no good, 'n' no one c'n deny 't he 's been easy for you to manage, 'n' what 's sauce f'r the goose is sauce f'r the gander, so I sh'll look to be equally lucky." Mrs. Lathrop looked proud and pleased. " Why can't you ask him to-night 'n' let me know the first thing in the mornin' ? That'll save me havin' to come 'way aroun' by the gate, you know." Mrs. Lathrop assented to the obvious good sense of this proposition with one emphatic nod of her head. " 'N' I '11 come out jus' 's quick 's I can in the mornin' 'n' hear what he said ; I '11 come 's soon 's ever I can get father 'n' the dishes washed up. I hope to Heaven father '11 sleep more this night 'n he did last. He was awful restless last night. He kept callin' f'r things till finally I had to take a pillow and go down on the dinin'- room lounge to keep from bein' woke up any more." "Do you think he's " " No, I don't think he 's worse ; not 'nless wakin' up 'n' askin' f'r things jus' to be THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 25 aggravatin' is worse. If it is, then he is too. But, lor, there ain't no manner o' use in talkin' o' father ! A watched pot never boils ! Jathrop 's more to the point right now." Upon this hint Mrs. Lathrop de-fenced herself, so to speak, and the friendly chat ended for that time. The morning after, Miss Clegg was slow to appear at the summons of her neighbor. When she did approach the spot where the other stood waiting, her whole face and figure bore a weary and fretful air. " Father jus' about kept me up this whole blessed night," she began as soon as she was within easy hearing. " I d'n' know what I want to get married f'r, when I 'm bound to be man-free in twenty-five years 'f I c'n jus' make out to live that long." Mrs. Lathrop chewed and listened. " If there was anythin' in the house 't father did n't ask f'r 'n' 't I did n't get him last night, it must 'a' been the cook-stove in the kitchen. I come nigh to losin' a toe in the rat-trap the third time I was down cellar, 'n' I clum that ladder to the garret so many times 't I do believe I dusted all overhead 26 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG with my hair afore mornin'. My ears is full o' cobwebs too, V you know 's well 's I do 't I never was one to fancy cobwebs about me. They say 't every cloud has a silver linin', but I can't see no silver linin' to a night like last night. When the roos- ter crowed f'r the first time this mornin', I had it in my heart to march right out there V hack off his head. If it 'd 'a' been Satur- day, I 'd 'a' done 't too, 'n' relished him good at Sunday dinner ! " Miss Clegg paused and compressed her lips firmly for a few seconds; then she gave herself a little shake and descended to the main question of the day. " Well, what did Jathrop say ? " Mrs. Lathrop looked very uncomfortable indeed, and in lieu of an answer swallowed her clover. " You asked him, did n't you ? " "Yes, I" " Well, what 'd he say ? " " He ain't very - " My soul 'n' body ! What reason did he give ?" "He's afraid your father's livin' on a annu " THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 27 " Well, he ain't." Susan's tone was more than a little displeased. " Whatever else father may 'a' done, he never played no annuity tricks. He 's livin' on his own property, 'n' I '11 take it very kindly o' you, Mrs. Lathrop, to make that piece o' news clear to your son. My father's got bank-stock, 'n' he owns them two cottages across the bridge, 'n' the blacksmith-shop belongs to him too. There ! I declare I never thought o' the blacksmith, his wife died last winter." "Jathrop asked me what I th " " Well, what 'd you tell him ? " " I said *t if your father was some older " Miss Clegg's eyebrows moved under- standingly. " How long is it since you 've seen father ? " she asked without waiting for the other to end her sentence. " Not since your mother died, I guess ; I in n Miss Clegg's eyes opened widely. " But I could n't take it away from him, anyhow," she said, with a species of deter- mined resignation in her voice. " I 'd have to wait 'till he wanted it took." Mrs. Lathrop was silent. Then she rose to go. Susan rose too. They went out the kitchen door together, and down the steps. There they paused to part. " Do you believe 't it 'd be any use me thinkin' o'Jathrop any more?" the maiden asked the matron. " I believe I 'd try the blacksmith if I was you ; he looks mighty nice Sundays." Miss Clegg sighed heavily and turned to re-enter the house. THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 31 Mrs. Lathrop went " round by the gate " and became again an inmate of her own kitchen. There the thought occurred to her that it was an excellent morning to clean the high-shelf over the sink. For years past whenever she had had occasion to put anything up there, showers of dust and rolls of lint had come tumbling down upon her head. Under such circumstances it was but natural that a determination to some day clean the shelf should have slowly but surely been developed. Accordingly she climbed up on the edge of the sink and undertook the initiatory proceedings. The lowest stratum of dirt was found to rest upon a newspaper containing an account of one day of Guiteau's trial. Upon the discovery of the paper Mrs. Lathrop suddenly aban- doned her original plan, got down from the sink, ensconced herself in her kitchen rocker, and plunged into bliss forthwith. An hour passed pleasantly and placidly by. Bees buzzed outside the window, the kettle sizzled sweetly on the stove, the news- paper rustled less and less, Mrs. Lathrop's head sank sideways, and the calm of perfect peace reigned in her immediate vicinity. 32 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG This state of things endured not long. Its gentle Paradise was suddenly broken in upon and rent apart by a succession of the most piercing shrieks that ever origi- nated in the throat of a human being. Mrs. Lathrop came to herself with a violent start, sprang to her feet, ran to the door, and then stood still, completely dazed and at first unable to discern from which direction the ear-splitting screams proceeded. Then, in a second, her senses returned to her, and she ran as fast as she could to the fence. As she approached the boundary, she saw Susan standing in one of her upstairs win- dows and yelling at the top of her voice. Mrs. Lathrop paused for no conventionali- ties of civilization. She hoisted herself over the fence in a fashion worthy a man or a monkey, ran across the Clegg yard, entered the kitchen door, stumbled breathlessly up the dark back stairs, and gasped, grabbing Susan hard by the elbow, " What is it, for pity's " Susan was all colors and shaking as if with the ague. "You never told me 's it 'd work so quick," she cried out. THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG J33 "What would " " The feathers ! " " Whose feathers ? " " Father's feathers." " Lord have mercy, Susan, you don't mean " " Yes, I do." " He ain't never " " Yes, he is." Mrs. Lathrop stood stricken. Susan wiped her eyes with her apron and choked. After a while the older woman spoke feebly. " What did hap " Miss Clegg cut the question off in its prime. " I don't know as I c'n ever tell you ; it 's too awful even to think of." " But you " " I know, V I 'm goin' to. But I tell you once for all, Mrs. Lathrop, 't this '11 be a lesson to me forever after 's to takin' the say-so o' other folks unto myself. 'N' I did n't really consider 't I was doin' so this time, f 'r if I had, Lord knows I 'd 'a' landed three beds atop o' him afore 3 34 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 1 'd V ever " She stopped and shook convulsively. " Go on," said Mrs. Lathrop, her curios- ity getting the better of her sympathy, and her impatience ranking both. Susan ceased sobbing, and essayed ex- planation. " You see, after you was gone, he said 't he was pretty hot these last nights, 'n' 't that was maybe what kept him so awfully awake. I asked him if if maybe the feather-bed 'n' well, Mrs. Lathrop, to put the whole in a nut-shell, we settled to move him, 'n' I moved him. I know I did n't hurt him one bit, for I 'm 's handy with at least, I was 's handy with him 's I am with a broom. 'N' I laid him on the lounge, 'n' dumped that bed out into the back hall. I thought I 'd sun it 'n' put it away this afternoon, f'r you know 's I 'm never no hand to leave nothin' lyin' aroun'. Well, I come back 'n' got out some fresh sheets, 'n' jus' 's I was " The speaker halted, and there was a dramatic pause. "Where is " Mrs. Lathrop asked at last. THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 35 " Back in the feathers. My heaven alive ! When I see what I 'd done, I was that upset 't I just run 's quick 's ever I could, 'n' got the bed, 'n' dumped it right atop of him ! " There was another dramatic silence, finally broken by Mrs. Lathrop's saying slowly and gravely, " Susan, 'f I was you I would n't never say " I ain't goin* to. I made up my mind to never tell a livin' soul the very first thing. To think o' me doin' it ! To think o' all these years 't I 've tended father night 'n' day, 'n' then to accidentally go 'n' do a thing like that ! I declare, it fairly makes me sick all over ! " " Well, Susan, you know what a good daughter you've " " I know, 'n' I 've been thinkin* of it. But somehow nothin' don't seem to comfort me none. Perhaps you 'd better make me some tea, 'n' while I 'm drinkin' it, Jathrop c'n go down town 'n' " " Yes," said Mrs. Lathrop, " 'n' I '11 go i . > > right n "That's right," said the bereaved, "V hurry." 36 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG It was a week later a calm and lovely evening and the two friends stood by the fence. The orphan girl was talking, while Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. " It don't seem like only a week ! seems more like a month or even a year. Well, they say sometimes, folks live a long ways ahead in a very short time, 'n' I must say 't, as far 's my observation 's extended, comin* into property always leads to experience, so I could n't in reason complain 't not bein' no exception. This 's been the liveliest week o' my life, 'n' I *m free to confess 't I have n't cried anywhere near 's much 's I looked to. My feelin's have been pretty agreeable, take it all in all, 'n' I 'd be a born fool 'f I did n't take solid comfort sleepin' nights, 'n' I never was a fool never was 'n' never will be. The havin' somebody to sleep in the house 's been hard, 'n' Mrs. Macy's fallin' through the cellar-flap giv' me a bad turn, but she 's doin' nicely, 'n' the minister makes up f'r anythin'. I do wish 't you 'd seen him that afternoon, Mrs. La- throp ; he did look so most awful sheepish, 'n' his clean collar give him dead away afore he ever opened his mouth. He set out by THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 37 sayin* 't the consolations of religion was mine Pr the askin', but I did n't take the hint, V so he had to jus' come out flat 'n' say 't he'd been thinkin' it over 'n' he'd changed his mind. I held my head good 'n' high 't that, I c'n assure you, 'n' it was a pretty sorry look he give me when I said 't I 'd been thinkin' it over too, 'n' I 'd changed my mind too. He could 'a' talked to me till doomsday about his bein' a consolation, I 'd know it was nothin' 't changed him but me comin' into them government bonds. No man alive could help wantin' me after them bonds was found, 'n' I had the great pleasure o' learnin' that fact out o' Lawyer Weskin himself. All his species o' fun-makin' 't nobody but hisself ever sees any fun in, jus' died right out when we unlocked father's old desk 'n' come on that bundle o' papers. He give one look 'n' then all his gay spin- niness oozed right out o' him, 'n' he told me 's serious 's a judge 't a woman 's rich"s I be needed a good lawyer to look out f'r her 'n' her property right straight along. Well, I was 's quick to reply 's he was to speak. 'N' I was to the point too. I jus' 38 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG up 'n' said, Yes, I thought so myself, V jus' 's soon 's I got things to rights I was goin' to the city 'n' get me one." Miss Clegg paused to frown reminis- cently ; Mrs. Lathrop's eyes never quitted the other's face. "There was Mr. Sperrit too. Come with a big basket o' fresh vegetables 't he said he thought 'd maybe tempt my appetite. I d'n' know 's I ever enjoyed rappin' no one over the knuckles more 'n I did him. I jus' stopped to take in plenty o' breath 'n' then I let myself out, 'n' I says to him flat 'n' plain, I says, c Thank you kindly, but I guess no woman in these parts 's better able to tempt her own appetite 'n' I be now, 'n' you '11 be doin' me the only kindness 't it's in you to do me now if you '11 jus' take your garden stuff 'n' give it to some one 's is poor 'n' needin'.' He looked so crestfallen 't I made up my mind 't it was then or never to settle my whole score with him, so I up 'n' looked him right in the eye 'n' I says to him, I says, * Mr. Sperrit, you did n't seem to jus' realize what it meant to me that day 't I took that horse 'n' buggy 'n' drove 'way out to your farm to see you ; you did n't seem THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 39 to think what it meant to me to take that trip : but I c'n tell you 't it costs suthin' for a woman to do a thing like that ; it cost me a good deal it cost me fifty cents.' He went away then, V he can marry Eliza Gringer if he likes, V I '11 wish 'em both joy V consider myself the luckiest o' the three." Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. "'N' then there's Jathrop ! " continued the speaker, suddenly transfixing her friend with a piercing glance, "there's even Ja- throp ! under my feet night 'n' day. I de- clare to you 't upon my honor I ain't turned around four times out o' five this week with- out almost fallin' over Jathrop wantin' me to give him a chance to explain his feelin's, I don't wish to hurt your feelin's, Mrs. La- throp, 'n' it 's natural 't, seein' you can't help yourself, you look upon him 's better 'n' nothin', but still I will remark 't Jathrop 's the last straw on top o' my hump, 'n' this mornin' when I throwed out the dish-water 'n' hit him by accident jus' comin' in, my patience clean gin out. I did n't feel no manner o' sympathy over his soapy wetness, 40 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG V I spoke my mind right then 'n' there. 4 Jathrop Lathrop,' I says to him, all forget- tin' how big he 'd got 'n' only rememberin' what a bother he 's always been, ' Jathrop Lathrop, you let that soakin' be a lesson to you 'n' march right straight home this in- stant, 'n' 'f you want to think of me, think 't if I hear any more about your feelin's the feelin' you '11 have best cause to talk about '11 be the feelin' o' gettin' spanked.' ' Mrs. Lathrop sighed slightly. Miss Clegg echoed the sigh. " There never was a truer sayin* 'n' the one 't things goes by contraries," she con- tinued presently. " Here I 've been figgerin* on bein' so happy married, 'n' instid o' that I find myself missin' father every few minutes. There was lots o' good about father, partic- ular when he was asleep. I 'd got so used to his stayin' where I put him 't I don't know 's I c'd ever get used to a man 's could get about. 'F I wanted to talk, father was al- ways there to listen, 'n' 'f he wanted to talk I c'd always go downstairs. He didn't never have but one button to keep sewed on 'n' no stockings to darn a tall. 'N' all the time THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 41 there was all them nice gover'ment bonds savin' up for me in his desk ! No, I sha'n't consider no more as to gettin' married. While it looked discouragin' I hung on 'n' never give up hope, but I sh'd be showin' very little o' my natural share o' brains 'f I did n't know 's plain 's the moon above 't 'f I get to be eighty 'n' the fancy takes me I c'n easy get a husband any day with those bonds. While I could n't seem to lay hands on no man I was wild to have one now 't I know I c'n have any man 't I fancy, I don't want no man a tall. It'll always be a pleasure to look back on my love-makin', 'n' I wouldn't be no woman 'f down in the bottom of my heart I was n't some pleased over havin' 's good 's had four offers inside o' the same week. But I might o' married, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' Heaven might o' seen fit to give me such a son 's he give you, 'n' 'f I had n't no other reason for remainin' single that alone 'd be s'fficient. After all, the Lord said c lt is not good for man to be alone,' but He left a woman free to use her common sense 'n' I sh'll use mine right now. I've folded up the pink nightgown, 'n' I 'm 42 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG thinkin' very seriously o' givin' it to Amelia Fitch, 'n' I '11 speak out frank V open 'n' tell her 'n' everybody else 't I don't envy no woman not now 'n' not never." Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. II MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED IT was an evening in early October, one of those first frosty nights when a bright wood fire is so agreeable to contemplate and so more than agreeable to sit in front of. Susan Clegg sat in front of hers, and doubt- less thoroughly appreciated its cheerful warmth, but it cannot be said that she took any time to contemplate it, for her gaze was altogether riveted upon the stocking which she was knitting, and which appeared for the time being to absorb completely that persevering energy which was the dominant note of her character. But still the beauty and brilliancy of the leaping flames were not altogether lost upon an unseeing world, for there was another present beside Susan, and that other was full to overflowing with the power of silent admiration. Her little black beady eyes 43 44 MISS CLEGG'S ADDICTED stared at the dancing lights that leapt from each burning log in a species of rapt absorp- tion, and it was only semi-occasionally that she turned them back upon the work which lay upon her lap. Mrs. Lathrop (for of course it was Mrs. Lathrop) was matching scraps for a " crazy " sofa-pillow, and there was something as touchingly characteristic in the calmness and deliberation of her match- ing as there was in the wild whirl which Susan's stocking received whenever that lady felt the moment had come to alter her needles. For Susan, when she knit, knit fast and furiously, whereas Mrs. Lathrop's main joy in relation to labor Jay in the sen- sation that she was preparing to undertake it. The sofa-pillow had been conceived some eighteen months before as a crazy- quilt, but all of us who have entertained such friends unawares know that the size of their quilts depended wholly upon the wealth of our scrap-bags, and in the case of Mrs. La- throp's friends their silk and satin resources had soon forced the reduction of her quilt into a sofa-pillow, and indeed the poor lady had during the first weeks felt a direful dread that the final result would be only a MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 45 pin-cushion. She had begun the task with the idea of keeping it for " pick-up " work, and during the eighteen months since its beginning she had picked it up so rarely that after a year and a half of " matching " it was not yet matched. It goes without saying that Miss Clegg had very little sym- pathy with her friend's fancy-work and de- spised the slowness of its progress, but her contempt had no effect whatever upon Mrs. Lathrop, whose friendship was of that quality the basis of which knows not the sensation of being shaken. So the older woman sat before the fire, and sometimes stared long upon its glow, and sometimes thoughtfully drew two bits of silk from her bag and disposed them side by side to the end that she might calmly and dispassionately judge the advisability of join- ing them together forever, while the younger woman knit madly away without an instant's loss or a second's pause. Mrs. Lathrop was thinking very seriously of pinning a green stripe to a yellow polka- dotted weave which had once formed part of Mrs. Macy's mother's christening-robe, when Susan opened her lips and addressed 46 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED her. The attack was so sudden that the proprietor of the crazy-work started vio- lently and dropped the piece of the christen- ing-robe ; but the slight accident had no effect upon her friend. " It does beat me, Mrs. Lathrop," she began, "how you can potter over that quilt year in and year out. I sh'd think you 'd be so dead-sick o' the sight o' them pieces 't you'd be glad to dump the whole in the fire. I don't say but the idea is a nice one, an' you know 's well % as I do that when they 're too frayed to wear every one 's nothin' but glad to save you their bonnet-strings, but all the same my own feelin' in the matter is 't a thing that ain't come to sewin' in two years ain't never goin' to come to bindin' in my lifetime, an' nat- urally that 'd leave you to finish your quilt some years after you was dead. I don't see how you 're goin' to get a quilt out o' them pieces anyhow. This town ain't give to choppin' up their silk in a way that 's likely to leave you many scraps, 'n' I know 's far 's I 'm concerned 't if I had any good silk I sh'd certainly save it to mend with, 'n' I 'm a rich woman too." MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 47 " I ain't tryin' for a quilt," said Mrs. Lathrop mildly, "I'm only " " Mrs. Lathrop " Susan's tone was em- phatically outraged " Mrs. Lathrop, do you mean to say that after all this givin' you ain't goin' to do your share? 'N' me lettin' you have the inside of the top of father's hat, 'n' Mrs. Fisher savin' you all her corners jus' on your simple askin'. You said a quilt, 'n' we give for a quilt, 'n' if you 've changed your mind I must say I want the inside o' the hat again to polish my parlor lookin'-glass with." " I ain't got enough for the quilt," said Mrs. Lathrop ; " it's a sofa-pillow I 'm " " Oh," said Susan, much relieved, " well I 'm glad to hear it. I could n't hardly believe it of you, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' yet if you can't believe what a person says of them- selves who can you believe when it comes to talkin' about anybody? I 'm glad to know the truth, though, Mrs. Lathrop, for I was more upset 'n I showed at the notion o' losin' faith in you. You know what I think of you, 'n' I called you over to-night to ask your advice about suthin' as has been roamin' my head for a long time, 'n' you can mebbe 48 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED understand 's it did n't over-please me to have your first remark one as I could n't in reason approve of. A woman as '11 begin a quilt 'n' trade hen's eggs 'n' all but go aroun' town on her bended knees to get the old ties of other women's lawful husbands, jus' to give up in the end has got no advisin' stuff for me inside o' her. I would n't like to hurt your feelin's, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' as long as you say it's a sofa-pillow o' course there 's no harm done, but still it was a shock 'n' I can't deny it." Mrs. Lathrop appeared most regretful, withdrew her gaze from the fire and the yellow polka-dots and directed its entire volume at Susan. The latter altered her needles with a fierce fling, and then continued : "However, now 's all is made clear I will go on 'n' tell you what 's on my mind. I 'd be a fool not to tell you, havin' got you over here just for the purpose o' bein' told, 'n' yet I Ve sat here a good hour 'n' you know I ain't over-give to sittin', Mrs. La- throp tryin' to decide whether after all I would tell you or not. You see this subjeck is n't nowise new to me, but it '11 be new to MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 49 you, 'n' bein' new to you I can't see how anythin' 's goin' to be got out o' askin' you f'r advice. It ain't likely 't any one first go- off c'n think of things 't I ain't thought of already, 'n' you know yourself, Mrs. La- throp, how little you ever have to say to me compared to what I say to you. Besides, 's far 's my observation 's extended no one don't ask f'r advice 'nless they Ve pretty well made up their mind not to take it, if so be 's it suits 'em better untook, 'n' when I make up my mind I 'm goin' to do a thing any- how so there ain't much use in me askin' you 'r anybody else what they think about it. A woman 's rich 's I be don't need to take no one else's say-so nohow not 'nless she feels so inclined, 'n' the older I get the less I incline." Mrs. Lathrop sighed slightly, but did not alter her position by a hair. Susan whirled her stocking, took a fresh breath, and went on : "It's a subjeck 't I've been lookin' straight in the face, 's well 's upside down 'n' hind end to, f'r a good long time. I 'xpeck 't it '11 mebbe come in the nature of a surprise to the c'mmunity in general, 'n' yet, to tell 4 50 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED you the truth, Mrs. Lathrop, I was thinkin' o' this very thing away back las' spring when Mrs. Shores eloped. I was even thinkin' of it that very minute, f'r I was one o' them 's was in the square when Johnny come runnin' from the station with the telegram. Everybody 's see Johnny's face thought 's two trains had smashed on his a'count some- where, 'n' I recolleck Mr. KimbalFs sayin' 's he could n't 'a' looked more miserable 'f he'd been the man 's had run away with her. It was too bad you was n't there, Mrs. La- throp, Mrs. Macy always says 't she '11 regret to her dyin' day 's she thought o' comin' to town that mornin' to get the right time f'r her clock 'n' then decided to wait 'n' set it by the whistle. Gran'ma Mullins was there she was almost in front o' Mr. Shores' store. I 've heard her say a hunderd times 't, give her three seconds more, 'n' she'd 'a' been right in front ; but she was takin' her time, 'n' so she jus' missed seein' Johnny hand in the telegram. I was standin' back to the band-stand, tellin' Mrs. Allen my receipt for cabbage pickle, so I never felt to blame myself none f'r not gettin' nearer quicker. The first thing I recolleck was I MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 51 says, f 'N' then boil the vinegar again,' V Mrs. Allen give a scream 'n' run. Then I turned 'n' see every one runnin', 'n' Mr. Shores in the lead. They do say 's he was so crazy 't first 't he seemed to think he c'd catch the Knoxville Express by tearin' across the square. But he give out afore he reached Judge Fitch's, 'n' Johnny 'n' Hiram Mullins had to carry him home. Well, it was a bad business at first, 'n' when she kid- napped the baby 't was worse. 1 was down in the square the day 't Johnny come with that telegram too. I remember Mrs. Macy 'n' me was the only ones there 'cause it was Monday. I was n't goin' to wash 'cause I only had a nightgown 'n' two aprons, 'n' the currants was ripe 'n' I 'd gone down to get my sugar, 'n' Johnny come kitin' up fr'm the station, 'n' Mrs. Macy 'n' me did n't put on no airs but just kited right after him. Mrs. Macy always says she learned to see the sense in Bible miracles that day, f'r she had n't run in years then, 'n' she's walked with a stick ever since, but she run that day, 'n' Johnny bein' tired 'n' Mrs. Macy 'n' me fresh she was a little fresher 'n me f'r I 'd been talkin' we all three come in on Mr. Shores 52 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED together. Seems like I c'n see him now. He sort of shivered all over V says, 'Ah a telegram ! ' 'n' Johnny says, ( Jus' come,' 'n' then we all waited. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I guess I 've told you before how he jus' sort o' went right up in the air ! it said, ' We have took the child/ 'n' he bounced all over like a rat that ain't good caught 'n' then he out 'n' away 'n' we right after him. He kept hollerin', 'It's a lie it's a lie,' but when he got home he found out 't Mrs. Shores had kep' her word 's usual. Mrs. Macy put cold water to his head 'n' I mixed mustard plasters 'n' put 'em on anywhere 't he was still enough, but all the same they had to lace him to the ironin' board that night. I hear lots o' folks says 's he 's never really knowed which end up he was walkin' since, but I guess there 's more reasons f'r that 'n her takin* the baby. My own view o' the matter is 't he misses his clerk full 's much 's he misses his family, f'r he 's got to tend both sides of the store at once 'n' he don't begin to be as spry 's that young feller was. He can't hop back 'n' forth over the counter like he used to ; he 's got to go way back through the calicoes every time or else climb MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 53 up in the window-seat over that squirrel 't he keeps there in a cage advertisin' fur-lined mitts 'n' winter nuts. Mr. Kimball 's for- ever makin* one o' them famous jokes of his over him, 'n' sayin' 't he never looks across the square without he sees Shores tryin* to rise above his troubles 'n' his squirrel together, but I don't see nothin' funny in any of it myself. I think it's no more 'n' what he might of 'xpected. He got the squirrel himself 'n' his wife too, 'n' she never did suit him. He was all put out at first over her takin' it so to heart 't he wore a wig, 'n' then he was clean disgusted over the baby 'cause he wanted a boy 't he could name after himself. They said he all but cried, 'n' she cried dreadful, f 'r she did n't know nothin' about babies 'n' thought it was goin' to be bald always, jus' like him. But what did he marry for if he did n't want trouble ? That was what I said to the minister's wife. She come to call right in the first of it, 'n' I must say 't if she had n't come mebbe a good many things might o' been different, for my mind was about made up then, an' I was thinkin' very serious o' mebbe sayin' suthin' to you that very night. But she put me at 54 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED outs with the whole thing not as I won't admit 't there ain't a difference between one V nine, f'r any one c'n work that out on their fingers fast enough." Mrs. Lathrop assented to this statement by moving her head in a slow acquiescent rhythm as she rocked. " But her talk was certainly awful dis- couragin'. She was tryin' to speak o' Mr. Shores, but she kep' trailin' back to herself, 'n' when she said 't she 'd never had time to crimp her hair since her weddin' day she jus' broke right down. I cheered her up all I could. I told her she could n't with a clear conscience blame any one but herself 'n' she 'd ought to say her prayers of gratitude 't she had n't got eight herself, same 's him. She sort o' choked 'n' said she could n't have eight 'cause she had n't been married but one year. ( Well,' I says, ( I don't see no great sense in that ; he had eight the day he was married 's far 's that goes, did n't he ? ' She jus' rocked back 'n' forth 'n' said 't no one in the whole wide world had any notion how many eight children was till they turned aroun' from the altar 'n' see 'em strung out in the pew 's is saved for the family. I told MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 55 her 't as far 's my observation 'd 'xtended quite a number o' things looked different comin' down from the altar, 'n' it was in my heart to tell her 't if I 'd let any man get so much the better o' me 's to marry me, my self-respeck would certainly shut my mouth up tight afterwards. As long 's a woman 's single she 's top-dog in the fight 'n' can say what she pleases, but after she 's married a man she'll keep still 'f she's wise, 'n' the wiser she is the stiller she '11 keep, for there 's no sense in ever lettin' folks know how badly you 've been fooled. But I did n't say all that to the minister's wife, for she did n't look like she had strength to listen, 'n' so I made her some tea instead. 'N' then it come out 't after all what she come for was to borrow my clo'es-wringer ! Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I certainly didn't have no blame f'r myself at feelin' some tempered under them circumstances, me so sympathetic 'n' the tea 'n' all." Mrs. Lathrop shook her head in calm and appreciative understanding. " Did you lend " she asked. " 'N' there are folks just like that in this world too," Susan continued, " 'n' it 56 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED beats me what the Lord makes 'em so for, for they '11 talk 'n' talk 'n' wander all over every subjeck in Creation to come 'n' never even begin to get around to the point till you 're clean gi'n out with listenin'. 'F the minister's wife had n't come that day 'n' hadn't talked as she did, I might 'a' been left less wore out and, as a consequence, have told you that night what I ain't never told you yet, for it was strong in my mind then 'n' it 's strong in my mind now, 'n' bein* one o' them 's wastes no words, I '11 state to you at once, Mrs. Lathrop, 't before Mrs. Shores run away 'n' after she run away too, Fr that matter I was thinkin' very seriously o' adoptin' a baby." "A " said Mrs. Lathrop, opening her eyes somewhat. " A baby," repeated Susan. " I feel you ought to be the first one to know it because, 's much 's I 'm out, you '11 naturally have the care of it the most of the time." Mrs. Lathrop clawed feebly among her pieces and seemed somewhat bewildered as she clawed. " Mrs. Shores' ba " she queried. Susan, screamed. MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 57 " Mrs. Lathrop I " she stopped knitting so that she might concentrate her entire strength into the extreme astonishment which she desired to render manifest in those two words " Mrs. Lathrop ! Me ! adopt Mrs. Shores' baby ! Adopt the baby of a woman as 'd gone off 'n' left it ! " Mrs. Lathrop looked deeply apologetic. " I did n't know " she ventured. " Well, you 'd ought to of," said Susan, " 'n' if you did n't I 'd never own to it. Such a idea never entered my head, 'n' I can't con- ceive when nor how it entered yours. Only I 'm free to confess to one thing, Mrs. La- throp, 'n' that is 't 'f / was give to havin' ideas 's senseless 's yours often are, I 'd cer- tainly keep my mouth shut 'n' let people 's knows more do the talkin'." Mrs. Lathrop swallowed the rebuke and remained passively overcome by the after- clap of her astonishment. Susan began to knit again. "I wasn't thinkin' o' Mrs. Shores' baby 'n' I was n't thinkin' o* no baby in particu- lar. I never said I was thinkin' of any baby - I said I was thinkin' of a baby. I sh'd think you could 'a' seen the difference, but 58 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED even if you can't see it there is a difference just the same. My sakes alive ! it 's a seri- ous enough matter decidin' to adopt some one for good 'n' all without hurryin' the doin' of it any. If you was 's rich 's I be, Mrs. Lathrop, you 'd understand that better. 'N' if you was 's rich 's I be, you might not be in no more of a hurry 'n I am. I ain't in a hurry a tall. I ain't in a hurry 'n' I don't mean to be in a hurry. I 'm only jus' a-gettin' on towards makin' up my mind." Mrs. Lathrop slowly and meditatively drew a piece of sky-blue farmer's satin from her bag and looked at it absent-mindedly. Susan twirled her stocking and went on. " 'S long 's I 've begun I may 's well make a clean breast of the whole now. O' course you don't know nothin', Mrs. La- throp, but, to put the whole thing in a shell, this adoptin' of a child 's a good deal to consider. When a woman 's married, it 's the Lord's will 'n' out o' the Bible 'n' to be took without no murmurin' 's to your own feelin's in the matter. Every one 's sorry for married people, no matter how their children turn out, because, good or bad, like MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 59 enough they done their best, 'n' if they did n't it was always the other one's fault ; but there ain't no one goin' to lay them- selves out to try 'n' smooth my child's thorns into a bed o' roses for me. Every one 's jus' goin' to up 'n' blame me right 'n' left, 'n' if it has a pug-nose or turns out bad I can't shoulder none of it onto the Lord, I '11 jus' have the whole c'mmunity sayin' I Ve got myself 'n' no one else to thank. Now, when you know f'r sure 't you can't blame nobody else but jus' yourself, you go pretty slow, 'n' for that very reason I 'm thinkin' this subjeck well over afore I decide. There 's a good many questions to consider, my mind 's got to be made up whether boy or girl 'n' age 'n' so forth afore I shall open my lips to a livin' soul." Mrs. Lathrop appeared to be slowly re- covering from the effects of her surprise. "Would you take a small " she asked, perhaps with some mental reference to the remark that dowered her with the occasional charge of the future adopted Clegg. " Well, I d'n' know. That 's a very hard thing that comes up first of all every time 't I begin thinkin'. When most folks set 60 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED out to adopt a baby, the main idea seems to be to try 'n' get 'em so young 't they can't never say for sure's you ain't their mother." Mrs. Lathrop nodded approval, mute but emphatic, of the wisdom of her friend's views. " But I ain't got none o' that foolish sort o' notions in me. I would n't be its mother, 'n* 'f there was n't no one else to tell it so Mr. Kimball 'd rejoice to the first time I sent it down town alone. It's nigh to im- possible to keep nothin* in the town with Mr. Kimball. A man f'rever talkin' like that 's bound to tell everythin' sooner or later, 'n' I never was one to set any great store o' faith on a talker. When I don't want the whole town to know 't I 'm layin* in rat-poison I buy of Shores, 'n' when I get a new dress I buy o' Kimball. I don't want my rats talked about 'n' I don't mind my dress. For which same reason I sh'll make no try 't foolin' my baby. I '11 be content if it cooes. I remember Mrs. Macy's sayin' once 't a baby was sweetest when it cooes, 'n' I don't want to miss nothin', 'n' we ain't never kep' doves for me to be dead-sick o' the noise, so I want the MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 61 cooin' age. I think it'll be pleasant comin' home days to hear the baby cooin', 'n' 'f it cooes too loud when I 'm away you c'n always come over 'n' see if it's rolled anywhere. I c'n see that, generally speaking, it's a wise thing that folks jus' have to take 'em as they come, because when it's all for you to choose you want so much 't like 's not I can't be suited after all. It's goin' to be pretty hard decidin', 'n' when I 've done decidin' it 's goin' to be pretty hard findin' a baby that's all 't I've decided; 'n' then, if I find it, then comes the raisin' of it, 'n' I espect that '11 be suthin' jus' awful." "How was you goin' to find " Mrs. Lathrop asked. " Well, I 've got to go to town to look at winter coats, 'n' I thought 't when I 'd found what I wanted I 'd jus' glance through two or three orphan asylums afore comin' home." Mrs. Lathrop pinned the purple to the yellow and shut one eye so as to judge of the combination from the single standpoint of the other. She seemed to be gradually regaining her normal state of abnormal calmness. 62 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED " I thought 't your coat was pretty good," she said mildly, as Susan altered her needles. The stocking started violently. "Pretty good! It's most new. My heavens alive, Mrs. Lathrop, don't you know 's well 's I do 't I ain't had my new coat but four years 'n' then only to church !" " You said 't you was goin' to get " Mrs. Lathrop remarked, unpinning the purple as she spoke and replacing it in the bag. " Mrs. Lathrop ! 'f you don't beat anythin' 't I ever saw for puttin' words 't I never even dreamed of into other folks's mouths ! 'S if I should ever think o' buyin' a new coat 'n' the price-tag not even dirty on the inside o' mine yet ! I never said 't I was goin' to buy a coat, I never thought o' goin' to buy a coat, what I did say was 't I was goin' to look at coats, an' the reason 't I 'm goin' to look at coats is because I 'm goin' to cut over the sleeves o' mine. I thought all last winter 't it was pretty queer for a woman 's rich 's I be to wear old-fash- ioned sleeves more particularly so where I c'n easy cut a new sleeve crossways out o' the puffs o' the old ones. 'N' that 's why MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 63 I want to look at coats, Mrs. Lathrop, for I ain't in the habit o' settin' my shears in where I can't see my way out." Mrs. Lathrop fingered a piece of rusty black silk and made no comment. "When I get done lookin' at coats, lookin' 't orphans '11 be jus* a nice change. If I see any 't I think might suit I '11 take their numbers 'n' come home 'n' see about decidin', 'n' if I don't see any 't I like I '11 come home jus' the same." The clock struck nine. Mrs. Lathrop rose and gathered up her bag of pieces. " I mus' be goin' home," she said. " I was thinkin' that very same thing," said Susan, rising also. " It 's our thinkin' so much the same't keeps us friends, I guess." Mrs. Lathrop sought her shawl and departed. It was about a week later that the trip to town took place. The day was chosen to suit the opening of a most unprecedented Fire-Sale. Miss Clegg thought that the la- test styles in coat-sleeves were likely to bloom broadcast on so auspicious an occasion, and 64 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED Mrs. Lathrop herself was sufficiently infected by the advertising in the papers to dare to intrust her friend with the whole of a two- dollar bill to be judiciously invested if bar- gains should really run as wildly rife as was predicted. Susan departed very early and did not get back till very late so late in fact that her next-door neighbor had the time to become more than a little anxious as to the possibili- ties of some mischance having befallen her two-dollar bill. But towards eight o'clock signs of life next door appeared to the anxious watcher in the Lathrop kitchen window, and one minute later she was on her way across. She found the front door, which was commonly open, to be uncommonly shut, and was forced to rap loudly and wait lengthily ere the survivor of the Fire-Sale came to let her in. Then when the door did open the figure which appeared in the opening was such as to startle even the phlegmatically disposed chewer of clover. " My heavens alive, Susan, whatever is the matter with " MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 65 Susan backed faintly into the hall so as to allow the other to enter. " I 'm worn to a frazzle that 's all ! " she said weakly and wearily. They turned into the parlor, where the lamp was burning, and Mrs. Lathrop gave a little frightened scream : " Susan ! why, you look half " Miss Clegg collapsed at once heavily upon the haircloth-covered sofa. " I guess you 'd better make me some tea," she suggested, and shut her eyes. Mrs. Lathrop had no doubt whatever on the subject. Hurrying out to the kitchen, she brewed a cup of the strongest possible tea in the fewest possible moments, and brought it in to the traveller. The latter D drank with satisfaction, then leaned back with a sigh. " It was a auction ! " she said in tones that gasped. Mrs. Lathrop could restrain her anxiety no longer. " Did you get anything with my " she asked. " Yes ; it 's out in the hall with my shawl." 5 66 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED What did " " It 's a parrot," said Susan. " A parrot ! " cried Mrs. Lathrop, betray- ing as much feeling as it was in her to feel. " Without any head," Susan added wearily. " Without any head ! " Then Miss Clegg straightened up in her seat and opened her eyes. " There ain't no need o' bein' so sur- prised," she said in that peculiar tone with which one who has spent another's money always defends his purchase, " it 's a stuffed parrot without any head." " A stuffed parrot without any head ! " Mrs. Lathrop repeated limply, and her tone was numb and indescribable. "How much did it " she asked after a minute. " I bid it in for one dollar 'n' ninety-seven cents, I was awful scared f'r fear it would go over your two dollars, an* it was n't nothin' that I 'd ever want, so I could n't 'a' taken it off your hands if it had gone over your money." " I wonder what I can do with it," her neighbor said feebly. MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 67 " You must hang it in the window so high 't the head don't show." " I thought you said it did n't have no head." Miss Clegg quitted the sofa abruptly and came over to her own chair ; the tea appeared to be beginning to take effect. " It has n't got no head ! If it had a head, where would be the sense in hangin' it high a tall? It 's your good luck, Mrs. Lathrop, 't it has n't got no head, for the man said 't if it had a head it would 'a' brought four or five dollars easy." Mrs. Lathrop got up and went out into the hall to seek her parrot. When she brought it in and examined it by the light of the lamp, her expression became more than dubious. " What did you get for your " she asked at last. " I did n't get nothin'. I did n't see nothin' 't I wanted, 'n' I learned long ago 't an auction 's generally a good place f'r buyin' things 't you don't want after you Ve bought 'em. Now take that parrot o' yours ! I would n't have him 'f you was to offer him to me for a gift ; not to speak o' his not 68 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED havin' no head, he looks to me like he had moths in him, you look at him by day- light to-morrow 'n' see if it don't strike you so too." Mrs. Lathrop was silent for a long time. Finally she said : " Did you go to the Orphan Asylum ? " Well no I did n't. I would 'a' gone only I got on the wrong car 'n' ended in a cemetery instead. I had a nice time there, though, walkin' roun' 'n' readin' ages, an' jus' as I was goin' out I met a monu- ment man 't had a place right outside the gate, 'n' he took me to look at his things, 'n' then I remembered father two years dead 'n' not a stone on him yet ! " Mrs. Lathrop laid the parrot aside with a heavy sigh and concentrated all her attention upon her friend's recital. " The man was about 's pleasant a man 's ever I met. When I told him about father, he told me he took a interest in every word, whether I bought a monument of him or not. He said he 'd show me all he had 'n' welcome 'n' it was no trouble but a joy. Then he took me all through his shop 'n' the shed behind, 'n' really I never had a nicer MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 69 time. I see a lamb lyin' down first, 'n' I thought 't that would be nice f'r a little, but the further back we went the finer they got. The man wanted me to take a eagle grippin' a pen 'n' writin' father's name on a book 't he 's sittin' on to hold open while he writes. I told him 'f I bought any such monument I cert'nly would want the name somewhere else than up where no one but the eagle could read it. He said 't I could have the name below 'n' let the eagle be writin' c Repose in Peace,' but I told him 't father died of paralysis after bein' in bed for twenty years 'n' that his idea o' Heaven was n't reposin' in peace, he always looked forward to walkin' about 'n' bein' pretty lively there. Then the man said 't maybe suthin' simple would be more to my taste, 'n' he took me to where there was a pillow with a wreath of roses on it, but my gracious, I 'd never be so mean 's to put a pillow anywhere near father after all them years in bed, 'n' as to the roses they 'd be jus' 's bad or worse, for you know yourself how they give him hay- fever so 's we had to dig up all the bushes years ago. " But I '11 tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, what 70 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED I did see that nobody on the wide earth c'd help wishin' was on top o' their grave the minute they laid eyes on it. It 's a lion a weepin' lion kind o' tryin' to wipe his eyes with one paw. I tell you I never saw nothin' one quarter so handsome over no one yet, 'n' if I was n't thinkin' o' adoptin' a child I 'd never rest until I 'd set that lion on top of father. But o' course, as it is, I can't even think how it might look there ; the livin' has rights over the dead, V my child can't go without the necessaries of life while my father gets a weepin' lion 't when you come right square down to it he ain't got no more use for 'n' a cat has for two tails. No, I 'm a rich woman, but all incomes has their outside fence. 'F a man 's got a million a year, he can't spend two million, 'n' I can't start in child raisin' 'n' tombstone father all in the same year. Father '11 have to wait, 'n' he got so used to it while he was alive 't he ought not to mind it much now he 's dead. But I give the man my address, 'n' he give me one o' his cards, 'n' when I go to the Orphan Asylum I may go back 'n' see him, an' maybe if I tell him about the baby he '11 reduce the lion some. The lion is MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 71 awful high strikes me. He 's three hun- derd dollars, but the man says that 's because his tail 's out o' the same block. I asked him if he could n't take the tail off, but he said 't that would hurt his reputation. He said 'f I 'd go up the ladder to his second floor V look down on the lion I 'd never talk about sawin' off his tail, V he said 't anyhow cuttin' it off would only make it cost more because it was cut on in the first place. I saw the sense o' that, V I remembered, too, 't even 'f folks in the cemetery never can see the tail, father '11 have to look at it from higher up 'n the ladder to the monu- ment man's shed, 'n' I don't want him to think 't I economized on the tail of his tombstone. I tell you what, Mrs. Lathrop, I cert'nly do want that lion, but I can't have it, so I Ve decided not to think of it again. The man c'd see I wanted it, 'n' I c'd see 't he really wanted me to have it. He felt so kind o' sorry for me 't he said he 'd do me a weepin' fox for one hunderd 'n' fifty, if I wanted it, but I did n't want no fox. Father did n't have nothin' like a fox his nose was broad 'n' kind o' flat. He had n't nothin' like a lion, neither, but I 'd 72 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED like to have the only lion in the cemetery ours." Mrs. Lathrop nodded her head sympa- thetically. Miss Clegg sighed and looked pensive for a moment, but it was soon over. "'N' I've decided about my child too," she continued briskly, "I 've decided to have a boy. I decided goin' in on the train to-day. I 'd been sorter thinkin' that I 'd leave it to chance, but ordinary folks can't do no more 'n' that, 'n' where 's the good o' me bein' so open 'n' above-board 'f I dunno whether it '11 be a boy or girl, after all ? I might 's well 's married the minister, 'n' Lord knows Mrs. Shores's troubles ought to be warnin' enough to no woman in this com- munity not to marry no man, f'r one while, at any rate. If Mrs. Shores had n't married Mr. Shores, she c'd easy 'a' married his clerk when she fell in love with him. No woman that 's goin' to fall in love ever ought to begin by marryin' another man first. It mixes everythin' all up. But Mrs. Shores was a fool or she never would 'a' married him to begin with. I told him that the first time 't I see him after she was gone. I MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 73 thought 't if it was any comfort to him to know that there was one person in the c'm- munity 't looked on his wife as a fool he was welcome to the knowin'. So I told him, 'n' I used those very self-same words too, V I cert'nly did ache to tell him that he was jus 9 's big a fool himself to 'a' ever married her, but I did n't think 't that would be jus' polite. " But all that was right in the first of it before she took the baby. I 'm free to con- fess 't I think he c'd 'a' stood anythin' 'f she had n't took the baby. It was the baby as used him all up. 'N' that seems kind o' queer too, for seems to me, 'f my wife run away, I 'd be glad to make a clean sweep o' her 'n' hers 'n' begin all afresh ; I 'd never have no injunctions 'n' detectives drawin' wages for chasin' no wife 'n' baby 't left o' their own accord. But that 's jus' like a man, 'n' I must say 't I 'm dead glad 't no man ain't goin' to have no right to in- terfere with my child. I c'n take it 'n' go anywhere 't I please 'n' never be afraid o' any subpenny comin' down on me. 'S far 's I 'm concerned, I only wish 't she 'd send back 'n' abduct him too, 'n' then the com- 74 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED munity 'd have some peace on the Shores subjeck. There ain't nothin' left to say, 'n' every one keeps sayin' it over 'n' over from dawn to dark. I must say, Mrs. Lathrop, 't when I c'nsider how much folks still find to say o' Mrs. Shores 'n' it all, I 'm more 'n proud that I ain't never been one to say nothin' a tall" Mrs. Lathrop did not speak for some time. Then she took up her parrot again and looked thoughtfully at its feet. " What made you decide on a b " she asked at last. " I did n't decide. I c'u'd n't decide, 'n' so I shook a nickel for heads 'n' tails." " 'N' it came a boy." "No, it came a girl, 'n' the minute 't I see 't it was a girl I knew 't I 'd wanted a boy all along, so, 's the good o' me bein' free to act 's I please is 't I do act 's I please, I decided then 'n' there on a boy." Mrs. Lathrop turned the parrot over, "'F you was so set on a boy, why did you " " What do folks ever toss up for ? To decide. Tossin' up always shows you jus' how much you did n't want what you get. MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 75 Only, as a general thing, there 's some one else who does want it, an' they grab it 'n' you go empty-handed. The good o' me tossin' is I c'n always take either side o' the nickel after I 've tossed. I ain't nobody's fool 'n' I never was 'n' I never will be. But I guess I 've got to ask you to go home now, Mrs. Lathrop. I Ve had a hard day 'n' I 'm 'most too tired to pay attention to what you say any longer. I want to get to bed 'n' to sleep, 'n' then to-morrow maybe I '11 feel like talkin' myself." The third morning after Miss Clegg's trip to town she astonished her neighbor by tap- ping on the latter's kitchen window at the early hour of seven in the morning. Mrs. Lathrop was getting breakfast, and her sur- prise caused her to jump unduly. " Well, Susan ! " she said, opening the door, "what ever is the " " Matter ! Nothin' ain't the matter, only I Ve had a letter from the monument man. It come last night, 'n' the minister took it out o' the post-office 'n' sent it over by little 'Liza Em'ly when she come with the milk 76 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED this mornin'. I dunno whether to thank the minister for bein' so kind or whether to ask him to mind his own business. It's got f Important' on the corner, 'n' sometimes I don't go to the post-office for two days at a time, but jus' the same it strikes me 't I ain't altogether in favor o' the minister's carryin' my mail home with him any time he feels so inclined. If I'd 'a' married him, I never 'd 'a' allowed him to interfere with my affairs, 'n' 's long 's I did n't marry him I don't see no good reason for his doin* so now." Susan paused and looked at the letter which she held in her hand. Mrs. Lathrop slid one of the kitchen chairs up behind her, and she sat down, still looking at the letter. " It 's from the monument man," she said again, " 'n' I don't know what ever I shall do about it, I 'm sure." Mrs. Lathrop was all attention. " It's about the lion. He says 't he 's been 'n' took some black chalk 'n' marked around under him * Sacred to the memory of Blank Clegg,' 'n' he says 't it looks so noble 't he 's had an offer for the monument MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 77 >> n' he wants me to come in 'n' see it afore he sells it to to some one else." There was a short silence, broken at last by Mrs. Lathrop. " Your father's name wa'n't ' Blank,' " she said; "it was ' Henry.' ' Susan knit her brows. " I know, 'n' that 's one thing 't 's been troublin' me. It's written out in good plain letters Blank Clegg ' 'n' I 've been tryin' 'n' tryin' to think what I could 'a' said to V made him suppose 't it could V been c Blank.' That 'd be the last name in the wide world for anybody to name any- body else, I sh'd suppose, 'n' I can't see for the life o' me why that monument man sh'd 'a' hit on it for father. I 'm cert'nly mighty glad that he 's only marked it on in black chalk 'n' not chopped it out o' the bottom o' the lion. O' course 'f he 'd chopped it out I 'd 'a' had to 'a' taken it an' it 'd jus' made me the laughin'-stock o' the whole community. I know lots o' folks 't are plenty mean enough 's to say 't that lion was weepin' because I did n't know my own father's name." Mrs. Lathrop looked sober. 78 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED " So I guess 1 Ve got to go to town by to-day's ten o'clock. I ain't no intention o' takin' the lion, but I shall like to stand off a little ways 'n' look at the part o' the name 't 's spelt right. Later maybe I '11 visit a few asylums I ain't sure. But anyway I thought I 'd jus' run over 'n' let you know 't I was goin', 'n' ask you if there 's anythin' 't I can get f'r you while I 'm in town." " No, there is n't," said Mrs. Lathrop with great firmness. Susan rose to go. " I 'm thinkin' o' buyin' the Shores baby outfit," she said. " I guess Mr. Shores '11 be glad to sell it cheap. They say 't he can't bear to be reminded o' the baby, 'n' I don't well see what else the crib 'n' the baby car- riage can remind him of." " I wonder if the sewing-machine reminds him o' Mrs. Shores," said Mrs. Lathrop. " I 'd be glad to buy it if it did 'n' 'f he was wantin' to sell it cheap." " I dunno why it sh'd remind him o' Mrs. Shores," said Susan ; " she never sewed on it none. She never did nothin' 's far 's I c'd make out except to sit on the front porch 'n' talk to his clerk. My, but I sh'd MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 79 think he 'd hate the sight o' that front porch. If it c'd be got off, I 'd like to buy that of him too. My front porch 's awful old 'n' shaky 'n' I '11 need a good porch to wheel baby on. He c'd take my porch in part payment. It's bein' so old 'n' shaky would n't matter to him I don't suppose, for I '11 bet a dollar he '11 never let no other wife o' his sit out on no porch o' his, not 'ntil after he 's dead 'n' buried anyway ; 'n' as for sittin' on a porch himself, well, all is I know 't if it was me it 'd scorch my rockers." " What time do you think 't you '11 get back ? " asked Mrs. Lathrop. " I ain't sure. 'F I should get real inter- ested huntin' orphans, I might stay until it was too dark to see 'em good. I can't tell nothin' about it, though. You 'd better watch for the light in the kitchen, 'n' when you see it burnin' I wish 't you'd come right over." Mrs. Lathrop agreed to this arrangement, and Miss Clegg went home to get ready for town. She returned about five o'clock, and the mere general aspect of her approaching figure 80 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED betokened some doing or doings so well worthy of neighborly interest that Mrs. La- throp left her bread in the oven and flew to satisfy her curiosity. She found her friend warming her feet by the kitchen stove, and one look at her radi- ant countenance sufficed. " You found a baby ! " Susan upraised supremely joyful eyes. " No," she replied, " but I Ve bought the weepin' lion ! " Mrs. Lathrop sat suddenly down. " You never saw anythin' so grand in all your life ! He rubbed the ' Blank ' off with a wet cloth 'n' wrote in the { Henry ' with me standin' right there. I never see any- thin' that went right through me that way before. Puttin' on c Henry ' seemed to bring the lion right into the family, an' well, you can believe me or not jus' as you please, Mrs. Lathrop, but I up 'n' begin to cry right then 'n' there. The monument man made me sit down on a uncut block 'n' lean my back up against a No-Cross-no-Crown, 'n' while I sat there he chalked in father's birth 'n' death 'n' ' Erected by his devoted daughter Susan,' 'n' at that I stood right up MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED 81 V said 't I 'd take it, V it was n't no hasty- decision, neither, f'r after I 'd made up my mind I could n't see no good reason for continuin' to sit there V draw frost out o* granite V into my shoulder-blades jus' for the looks o' the thing." " But about the ba " said Mrs. Lathrop. " Oh, the baby '11 have to go. I told you all along 't it had to be one or t' other an' in the end it 's the lion as has come out on top. I guess I was n't cut out to be a mother like I was a daughter. I know 't I never wanted a baby for myself half like I 've wanted that lion for my dead 'n' gone father. Do you know, Mrs. Lathrop, I do believe 't I had a persentiment the first time I ever see that lion. Suthin' sort o' crep' right up my back, 'n' I 'm jus' sure 't folks '11 come from miles roun' to see it. I guess it 's the Finger o' Fate. When you come to think o' it, it 's all for the best jus' the way 't it 's come out. The baby 'd 'a* grown up an' gone off somewhere, an' the lion '11 stay right where you put him, for he 's so heavy that the monument man says we '11 have to drive piles all down aroun' father. Then, too, maybe I could n't 'a' 6 82 MISS CLEGG'S ADOPTED managed a boy an' I can scour that lion all I want to. 'N' I will scour him too, no- body need n't suppose 't I 've paid three hunderd dollars f'r anythin' to let it get mossy. I 've invited the monument man 'n' his wife to come 'n' visit me while he 's gettin' the lion in place, 'n' he says he 's so pleased over me 'n' nobody else gettin' it *t he 'sgoin' to give me a paper sayin' 't when I die he '11 chop my date in f'r nothin'. I tell you what, Mrs. Lathrop, I certainly am glad 't I Ve got the sense to Lnow when I 'm well off, 'n' I cert'nly do feel that in this particular case I 'm mighty lucky. So all 's well 't ends well." Mrs. Lathrop nodded. Ill JATHROP LATHROP was just the style and build of young man to be easily persuaded into taking a kicking cow in full payment of a good debt. Jathrop having taken the cow, it naturally fell to the lot of his mother to milk her. The reader can quickly divine what event formed the third of these easily to be foreseen developments of the most eventful day in the life of the cow's new proprietor. The kicking cow kicked Jathrop Lathrop's mother, not out of any especial antipathy towards that most innocuous lady, but just because it was of a kicking nature and Mrs. Lathrop was temptingly kickable. The sad part of the matter was that Mrs. Lathrop was not only kickable but breakable as well. It followed that at twelve o'clock that noon Miss Clegg, returning from a hasty trip to the city, was 83 84 JATHROP LATHROFS COW greeted at the depot by the sad tidings, and it was not until various of the town folk had finished their versions of the disaster that she was at last allowed to hasten to the bed- side of her dear friend, whom she found not only in great bodily distress but also already cast in plaster. Miss Clegg's attitude as she stood in the doorway was one of blended commiseration and disgust. " Well, I never would 'a' believed it o' Jathrop ! " she burst forth at last. " 'T wa'n't Jathrop," Mrs. Lathrop pro- tested feebly ; " it was the " " I know, but the cow never come of her own free will, 'n' it strikes me 't Jathrop 's the one to blame. I never was so done up in my life 's I was when I hear this about you. You kin believe me or not jus' 's you please, Mrs. Lathrop, but I was so nigh to struck dead 't I stopped short with one leg on the station 'n' the other on the train. It was Johnny 's dodged out o' the ticket- office to tell me the minute the train stopped, 'n' I dV know but I 'd be there yet Pr I was clean struck all in a heap only a man jus' behind jammed me with a JATHROP LATHROFS COW 85 case o' beer 't he was bringin' home. To think 's I see you goin' to the barn jus' 's I was lookin' f'r a place to hide my keys afore leavin', 'n' then to think 's them was your last legs 'n' you usin' 'em 's innocent 's a grasshopper on a May mornin' ! I tell you I was so used up I thought some o' askin' to be druv up here, but Johnny did n't have no time to give pertickilers 'cause the telegraph begin to work jus' at that very minute 'n' he had to dodge back to see what they wanted to tick him about, so I see 't the wisest thing was to walk up 'n' find out Pr myself. Besides, you c'n understand 't if you was beyond hope I 'd be nothin* but foolish to pay a quarter to get to you in a hurry, 'n' I never was one to be foolish nor yet to waste quarters, 'n' so I come along through town, 'n' as a consequence I guess 't I know 's much 's you know your- self now." Mrs. Lathrop looking duly inquisitive for details of her own accident, Miss Clegg ad- vanced forthwith upon a seat and occupied it before beginning. " I see Mrs. Macy first, 'n' she told me all as to how it happened. She says you 86 JATHROP LATHROFS COW turned two back somersaults 'n' just missed squashin' the cat, 'n' 't young Dr. Brown told her 't if he had n't been so busy plantin' his garden to-day he certainly would 'a' felt 't it 'd 'a' been nothin' but right to diagnose you all over. Mrs. Macy says she ain't none too over-pleased 't the way he spoke, for, to her order o' thinkin', you had a pretty serious kick 'n' you 'd ought to realize it. She wanted me to ask you 'f he had you hang to the head-board while he give your leg a good hard jerk, 'cause she says 't that 's the only real safe way to make all the bones come back into place ; she says 'f you ain't shattered you 're bound to come straight per- vided the doctor jerks hard enough. She says they did her lame leg that way over thirty years ago, 'n' she says 't, sittin' down 'n' side by side, she 'd bet anything 't the minister 'n' all the deacons could n't pick out one from t' other. She says all her trouble comes when she walks. Nights 'n' rockin' she 'd never know she was lame her- self." Mrs. Lathrop looked slightly distressed. " Gran'ma Mullins come up while we was talkin', 'n' she 's terrible upset over you. JATHROP LATHROPS COW 87 She never had no lameness, she says ; her trouble 's all in her ribs, them ribs 't go from under your arms down. But she wants to know if you was put in plaster, V she said Pr me to ask right off." " Yes ; I " replied Mrs. Lathrop. " Oh ! " Susan's face darkened. " I de- clare, that's too bad. 'N' young Dr. Brown 's gone now too. I see him 'n' Amelia drivin' out towards the Sperrits' while I was in the square. Well, if it 's on, it 's on, 'n' the Lord be with you, Mrs. Lathrop, f 'r 'f Gran'ma Mullins says truth, no one else c'n help you now. You see, she told Mrs. Macy 'n' me what plaster is. It 's eatin', that 's what it is. Plaster '11 eat anythin' right up, hide, hair, 'n' all. She says don't you know how, when you smell a dead rat in the wall, you throw some plaster in on him, 'n' after a while you don't smell no more rat 'cause there ain't no more rat there to smell ; the plaster 's eat him all up. She says you may laugh 'f you feel so inclined, but there ain't no such big difference between your leg 'n' a dead rat but what it '11 pay you to mark her words. She says 'f it don't do no more 'n eat the skin off it '11 still be pretty hard 88 for you to lay there without no skin 'n' feel the plaster goin' in more 'n' more. She says 't we all wish him well, 'n' yet no one in their right mind c'n deny as young Dr. Brown is n't old Dr. Carter, 'n' no amount o' well wishin' c'n ever make him so. She says 'f she was you she 'd never rest till old Dr. Carter 'd looked into that leg, f'r a leg is a leg, 'n' it says in the Bible 't if you lose your salt what '11 you salt with." Mrs. Lathrop's distress deepened visibly. " I tell you I was more 'n a little troubled over her words. Gran'ma Mullins ain't one to make up nothin', 'n' I know myself 't that 's true about the plaster. I Ve eat up rats that way time 'n' again, mice too, fr that matter. It 'd be an awful thing f'r you to lay there peaceful 'n' happy till it come time fr him to unwrap your leg 'n' then when he unwrapped have him find no leg in the centre. Nothin' 't he could say would help any there you 'd be one leg gone forever. 'F it was your foot, it 'd all be dif- ferent, f r you could hop around right spry with a false foot, but I d'n' know what good your foot '11 do you with the leg in between JATHROP LATHROFS COW 89 gone. I never hear o' no real foot on a false leg, 'n' 'f I was you, I certainly would n't want to lay wonderin' 'f I still had two legs f'r six weeks." " Six weeks ! " cried Mrs. Lathrop, with a start that collapsed at once into a groan ; " must I lay " " Gran'ma Mullins says," pursued Susan, " 't the reason she knows so much about it all is 't she had a cousin with a broken leg once. It wa'n't no cow 's kicked him, jus' he was give to meditatin', 'n' while meditatin' durin' house-cleanin' he stepped down the wrong side o' the step-ladder. She says the doctor didn't so much 's dream o' plasterin' him up, he put splints on him, 'n' he come out fine, but she says he was suthin' jus' awful to take care of. They thought they could n't stand it the first weeks he was so terrible cross, but then his bones begin to knit, 'n' she says she hopes she may fall dead then 'n' there 'f she ever hear anythin' to equal that leg-knittin'. She said they was livin' so far out 't they could feel to leave him 'n' go to church Sunday, 'n' she says when they was comin' back they could hear him knit- tin' a good half-mile away." 90 JATHROP LATHROFS COW "Dear, dear " commented Mrs. La- throp, giving a heave of unrest. " Can you feel your leg now ? " Susan in- quired. "Yes; I " " Then it 's all right so far, but, my ! you mus'n't begin gettin' restless this soon. You ain't been kicked six hours yet, 'n' you Ve got to lay that same way f'r six weeks. After a while it'll be pretty bad, I expeck, but you ain't got nothin' to complain of to-day. I see the minister just after I left Mrs. Macy, 'n' he said you must say to yourself, c Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof 'n' get along the best you can. I c'd see he was some put out over your gettin' a cow, Pr he c'd n't but understand 't with a cow over the fence I was n't goin' to be takin' milk from over the crick. He said 't your bein' kicked was a judgment 'n' the sins o' the parents should be visited on the children even unto the third 'n' fourth generation. I did n't know whose sins he was meanin', the cow's or Jathrop's, but I did n't ask. I guess we 'd ought to make allowances f'r the minister, he ain't seemed to ever be able to bear up under JATHROP LATHROP'S COW 91 them twins. He was pushin' 'em in the carriage to-day 'n' drawin' little Jane after him in a express wagon. I asked him how his wife was, 'n' he said she 's doin' nicely, only she can't decide what to name the baby. He walked with me a piece; it seemed to do him good to speak out frank 'n' open, 'n' I guess he sees more 'n' more what a mistake he's made; he couldn't but see it, I sh'd suppose, f'r his wife 's had four children in three years, 'n' I did n't even adopt one. It's that four-in-three-years business 't seems to 'a' used him up the most. He says he never even had a idea 't it could be done. He says his first wife was so different, 'n' he says it 's just been shock after shock, 'n' two shocks when the twins come. Little Jane caught her dress in a wheel while we was talkin', 'n' we had to turn her 'n' the express-wagon both upside down 't once afore we could unwind it, 'n' while we was doin' that, one o' the twins fell out o' the carriage. The minister says he don't thank no man to talk race-suicide when he's aroun' ; he says his blood runs cold to think what his family '11 be at his silver weddin'. I tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, I will own 't I Ve 92 JATHROP LATHROFS COW always felt some sore at the minister on a'count o' his not marryin* me, but 'f I ever desired any species o' revenge I certainly 'd be hard to please 'f I didn't get it to-day when I see him. with twins ahead V little Jane behind 'n' nine at home." Mrs. Lathrop sighed. "That reminds me o' what I come over to ask you," said Susan. "Have you had any dinner?" "No; I- " Then I '11 fix you some when I cook mine. I c'n call Jathrop 'n' have him bring it over when it 's ready. I see him in the yard when I come by ; he was peekin* in at the cow. I ain't never had no great opinion o' Jathrop, but I guess he c'n carry a tray. 'N' now afore I leave you, Mrs. Lathrop, I will say jus' once more 's my advice is f'r you to keep a sharp eye on your leg, 'n' if it feels anyway like you can't feel nothin' I 'd have that plaster off in a jiffy. How's it put on? Round 'n' roun'?" > i . n out o sight. Miss Clegg stopped; Mrs. Lathrop drew in her breath. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, seems to me I never hear nothin' to equal that in all my born days. Mrs. Jilkins off in a' automo- bile alone! 'N' the man in the cap see it jus' 's I did, for he wanted to settle for a thousand, spot cash, then 'n' there. But Mr. Jilkins would n't settle ; there 's no denyin' Mr. Jilkins saw what a good thing he 'd got when his wife went off in that automobile ; so then the man in the cap hustled in town, got a bicycle, 'n' scurried after her 's fast 's he could paddle." " Did they find ? " inquired Mrs. La- throp. " Not when I come home they had n't. /The man in goggles had took Mr. Jilkins to the hotel for dinner, 'n' Mr. Jilkins was tickled to death, for he never eat in a hotel in his life before. If he goes off, he always gets back, or else takes a lunch." " Are you goin' ? " Mrs. Lathrop asked. " Yes ; I 'm goin' down-town again. I 'm THE AUTOMOBILE 265 goin' right now. I want to know the end 's Mrs. Jilkins made. 'N' there's lots o' people 's ain't had no chance yet to ask me if it 's true about you 'n' the deacon." "When's he a-com ? " Mrs. Lathrop asked. " On the five-o'clock ; 'n' he said 's he sh'd come straight up here to settle it all. I s'pose you 've turned the subjeck round an' round 'n' upside down till you've come out jus' where I said you would at first." "I guess I'll take " "I would 'f I was you. Mr. Kimball says Deacon White 's as good help 's any woman can hope to get hold o' in a place this size, an' I guess he 's hit that nail square on top. I don't see but what, when all 's said an' done, you can really take a deal o' comfort havin' him so handy. He likes to keep things clean, 'n' you '11 never let him get a chance to go to Satan emptyhanded. 'N' we can always send him to bed when we want to talk, 'cause bein' 's he '11 be your husband, we won't never have to fuss with considerin* his feelin's any." "I- " said Mrs. Lathrop, thoughtfully. 266 THE AUTOMOBILE " O' course there would n't be nothin' very romantic in marryin' the deacon ; 'n' yet, when you come right square down to it, I don't see no good 'n' sufficient reasons for long hair bein' romantic an' big ears not. Anyway, I sh'd consider 't a man 's can clean a sink, 'n' will clean a sink, was a sight safer to marry 'n one 's whose big hit was standin' up the ends o' his mustache. 'N' besides, you can have the man with the sink, 'n' the man with the mustache would n't even turn round to look at you the first time." " I " said Mrs. Lathrop. " Romance is a nice thing in its place. I Ve had my own romances four on 'em, 'n' not many women can say that 'n' still be unmarried, I guess. I 've lived 'n' I 've loved, as the books say ; 'n' I 've sur- vived, as I say myself; 'n' you can believe me or not, jus' as you please, Mrs. Lathrop, but I ain't got no feelin' toward you this night but pity. I would n't be you if I could - not now 'n' not never. I 'd really liefer be the deacon, 'n' Heaven knows 't he's got little enough to look forward to hereafter." "I- " expostulated Mrs. Lathrop. THE AUTOMOBILE 267 "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, if you keep me here much longer, I sha'n't get down-town this afternoon ; V when you think how near Mrs. Jilkins 's comin' to bein' related to you, it certainly will look very strange to the community." As she spoke, Miss Clegg rapidly pre- pared herself for the street, and with the last words she went toward the door. " If the deacon gets here afore I come back," she said, pausing with her hand on the knob, " you 'd better say 's what he told me yesterday in confidence 'n' what I told him in consequence is still a secret ; it '11 be pleasanter for you both so." "I " said Mrs. Lathrop. " Good-by," said Susan. Mrs. Lathrop slept some that afternoon and rocked more. She experienced no very marked flutterings in the region of her heart ; indeed, she was astonished herself at the calmness of her sensations. The deacon had not come when Susan returned. Susan looked somewhat puzzled. " Anybody been here since me ? " she inquired, not facing her friend, but examin- ing the stovepipe with interest. 268 THE AUTOMOBILE "No; no " " Mrs. Jilkins is all safe," she said next. "I'm so " " That automobile run 'way past Cherry Pond, 'n' their hired man see her ridin' by 'n' made after her on a mule. The gasolene give out before the mule did, so he hauled her home, 'n' the man in the cap come 'n' took the automobile back to town." "So it 'sail " " They all landed over at the drug-store 'n' got in 'n' started out fresh. Mr. Jil- kins settled for the five hundred, 'n' they went off feelin' real friendly. They run out across the square, an' then " Susan hesi- tated. " You got a shock yesterday," she said, still not looking at her friend, but speaking sympathetically, " 'n' it seems too bad to give you another to-day ; but you '11 have to know " "Heaven pro " cried Mrs. Lathrop. " They run over the deacon comin' out o' the station. They did n't see him, an' he did n't see them. He ain't dead." Mrs. Lathrop was silent. " Mrs. Allen took him home. Of course that means Polly '11 get him in the end." THE AUTOMOBILE 269 Mrs. Lathrop was silent for a long time. Finally she said very deliberately : " Maybe it 's just as " " It 's better," said her friend, with de- cision ; " for the man settled with the deacon for fifteen hundred." VII OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL MRS. LATHROP had been dumb- founded to see a horse and wagon being driven into her neighbor's yard a little before noon one warm spring day. Her eyesight was not good enough to identify the horse's driver, but she hung breathlessly in her kitchen window and peered gaspingly out upon his boldness and daring during the whole four minutes that it took him to hitch to a clothes-pole ; and then, when the fell deed was accomplished, she watched him go in by the kitchen door, and waited, with a confidence born of a very good understand- ing of her neighbor's views as to driving in and hitching, to see him cast ignominiously forth by Miss Clegg. But even that omniscience of a friend's habits which may be acquired during a next- door residence for years sometimes fails, and Mrs. Lathrop, after an hour of more or less active bobbing in the window that 270 OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 271 commanded the best view of the rear of the house on the other side of the fence, was forced to see that the caller, whoever he might be, was not cast forth, and a further hour's attention showed that he did not quit the premises either just before or just after dinner. When Mrs. Lathrop had quite settled the last point to her complete satis- faction and un-understanding, she decided to give up watching and to go to sleep as usual. She slept until four in the afternoon, and when she awoke and hurried to the window the horse and wagon were gone. Susan seemed gone too, for her house looked very shut up and sounded more than silent. So Mrs. Lathrop went back forthwith to her chair and slept again, and the next time she awakened it was her friend's voice that awakened her, as the latter stood over her and demanded briskly, " Well, did you see him ? " "I oh oh I " began Mrs. Lath- rop, vaguely. " I thought you could n't but see him," said Susan, " hitchin' his horse to one o' my clothes-poles as large as life. If it 'd been any day in his life but this one I 'd 272 OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL surely of told him frank 'n' open my views on hitchin' to my clothes-poles, but bein' as it was to-day I only told him my views on drivin' over my grass." " But " began Mrs. Lathrop. " The horse did n't bite the pole," con- tinued Susan ; " he said as he wa'n't no crib- ber. I told him it wa'n't cribs as was the question, but clothes-poles, an' I might of spoken some stronger, but just then he stepped on the edge of the cistern cover 'n' I got such a turn as drove everythin' else clean out o' my mind. You know how easy it is to turn that cover, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' I must say that if he and it had fell in together there 'd have been a fine tale to tell, for the cover always sinks straight to the bottom, 'n' is no joke to find 'n' fish up, you and I both know that. Ever since the brace give way I 've always got it on my mind to keep the clothes-bars sittin' over it, but now the brace in the clothes-bars is give way too 'n' as a consequence they won't sit over nothin' no more. If money was looser I 'd certainly never spare it gettin' them two braces mended, but money bein' tight and me alone in the house 'n' the most of my OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 273 callers them as it's all one to me whether I see 'em in the parlor or in the cistern, 1 ain't botherin'. I was never one to worry an' scurry unnecessarily, Mrs. Lathrop, an' you know that as well as I do, 'n* to-day I had my mind all done up in my curtains anyway, 'n' I was more 'n' a little put out over bein' interrupted, even by a man as come in through the woodshed door, that I never bolt 'cause it's a understood thing as woodshed doors is not to be come in at. The turn he give me when I hear him clut- terin' aroun' in the woodshed! I thought he was rats, an' then a cat, an' then a rat an' a cat come together, an' then all of a sudden I see him an' remembered the cistern cover." " But who " asked Mrs. Lathrop. Susan looked surprised. " Why, I thought you said you seen him," she said ; " you certainly give me that impression, Mrs. Lathrop. I 'd have took any vow anywhere as I asked you if you seen him 'n' you said you did. It 's funny if you did n't for he drove hisself in 'n' hitched hisself too, 'n' me up in the garret when he done it, foldin' off my curtains to iron. My, to think how I did hate the il idea o' ironin' them curtains ! Mother al- ways ironed the curtains. She said I was young V she did n't mind anyhow. I ain't washed 'em since. I 've been in the habit o' sayin' I was afraid it 'd bring mother over me too much to take 'em down with- out her. That's a thing as this community can easy understand, f 'r they leave all their hard work lay in' around for any reason a tat!, and although I can't in reason deny as in most ways they 're as different from me as anything can be from me, still when it comes to ironin' curtains the stove is as hot on the just as on the unjust 'n' you can't mention nothin' hotter." "Did you " said Mrs. Lathrop, sym- pathetically. "Well, I sh'd say I did. What I set out to do I always do whether it 's curtains or Mr. Kimball. Mr. Kimball has got a great idea as to his sharpness, but I guess if our sharp ends was under a microscope, he 'd be the needle an' me the bee-sting most every day. It was too bad you was n't to that lecture, Mrs. Lathrop, I did learn a great deal. Not just about the sting, but some very handy things. It seems if you OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 275 go among 'em quietly, they '11 let you take the honey out any time 'n' you can buy the queens by mail in a box 'n' they '11 lay a whole hive alone by themselves in no time. Mrs. Macy said she thought some of sendin' for one or two queens 'n' settin' 'em up in business in bushel baskets, but when she went home 'n' looked the baskets over 'n' thought what work it 'd be to clean the honey out of 'em each fall she give up the idea. She 's going to set out a orange tree in a flower pot instead. It says in the f Ladies' Home Diary ' as they grow very nicely so." " But who " interrupted Mrs. Lathrop, wrinkling up her face somewhat over the long strain on her eager attentiveness. " But I thought you said you seen him," said her friend, with a second recurrence of her surprised expression ; " did n't you see him when you see him drivin' in ? He was holdin' the reins at the big end o' the whip, I should suppose. I can't well see how you saw everythin' else without seein' him. He was some better dressed 'n' usual but it just shows what bein' left a widower does for a man. It seems to somehow put new spirit in 'em 'n' sets 'em to wearin' ties again. Why, do you know when he come to go he actually asked me to ride a piece with him 'n' show him which finger-post to turn in to, an' I will say as, where I would n't of dreamed o' ridin' with him a week ago, I went to-day an' really enjoyed it. Yes, I did." "Was it " cried Mrs. Lathrop, with a sudden gleam of intuition. Susan looked surprised for the third time. " Why, of course," she said, " who else could it be ? " Then she left her position near the door, came over nearer to her friend, took a chair and began to untie her bonnet. " I don't know as I 'm surprised over your bein' surprised, Mrs. Lathrop," she continued in a slightly milder tone after a brief pause for vocal renovation. " I will confess as I was really nothin' but surprised myself. I supposed as a matter o' course that to-day he was in Meadville buryin' her, 'n' when I first see him the funeral was so strong in my mind as I thought he 'd druv over to maybe borrow father's black bow for his front door. I made my mind right up OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 277 to tell him straight to his face as he could n't have it, for I told you once as I was keepin' that bow for you, Mrs. Lathrop, an' when I promise anybody anythin' I keep my word, whether it 's a receipt or a bow for their own funeral, an' when I saw old man Ely it did n't take me no two minutes to keep my word the same as ever, 'n' father's black bow too. But laws, he was n't after no bow ! I very quickly found out as all as he was after was the funeral, f 'r it seems as they was uncommonly spry with it. He told me right off as they had it pretty prompt too, for he says when it comes to buryin' a wife there 's no need for a man to go slow, 'n' so he had all Meadville up with the lark 'n' out after old Mrs. Ely. He seemed to feel all of a sudden as it was a little awkward me not havin' been there, but I saw how he felt 'n' made his mind easy by tellin' him frank 'n' open that it was n't nothin' agin his wife as kept me here, for when it come right square down to it I did n't know any one as I 'd enjoy their fun- eral more 'n gettin' my curtains ironed ; an' I may in truth repeat to you as that 's so, Mrs. Lathrop, for although it may seem hard at 278 OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL first hearin', still we both know what it is to iron curtains, V my motto always is as a live lion has rights above a dead dog, and the proverb says as the dead is always ready to bury the dead anyhow. Old man Ely seemed to look on it much as I did, for he did n't fiddle about none with his affairs, but came right to the point an' told me fair an' square as, not havin' anythin' particular on hand after it was over, an' seein' clear as he was three miles out of his way anyhow, he 'd thought he 'd come on as far as Pete Sander- son's 'n' see about a cow as he 'd heard Pete had, 'n' then after that it looked to him like it was pretty much a day for odd jobs straight through, so he come over here to get some graftin's from our grape-vine. He said as father 'd told him once as he could have some graftin's from the porch-vine if he 'd come and cut 'em, 'n' so he was come. I told him as when it was n't nothin' more important than grape-vines father's words was ever my laws ; so he went out 'n' cut some pieces from the Virginia creeper an' come in perfectly satisfied, 'n' I may in con- fidence remark as I was satisfied too for I was n't overpleased to have him meddlin' OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 279 with the porch-vine. I will remark, though, as his cuttin' Virginia creeper for grape- vines did amuse me some, for it's been a well-known fact for years as Mrs. Ely was Mr. Ely in everythin' but the clothes he wore, 'n' they say the way she managed to figger-head him through plantin' 'n' harvest, 'n' pasture 'n' punkins, was nothin' short of genius, bred in the bone 'n' bustin' out every seam. " Howsomesoever, he stayed 'n' stayed 'n' I ironed 'n' ironed, 'n' we talked about the farm 'n' father 'n' how well he remem- bered father 'n' what a good daughter I was J n' what a good wife Mrs. Ely was 'n' how well he was goin' to bear it, 'n' I begun to wonder when he was intendin' to go or whether he was thinkin' of stayin' all day, 'n' at last there was nothin' but to ask him to dinner, 'n' I was n't intendin' to have no dinner on a'count o' the curtains. It 's a very hard thing, Mrs. Lathrop, when you 're not intendin' to have dinner to have to in- vite company for it, but there did n't seem no way to help it. I could n't in decency more than mention as Mrs. Brown was to home an' I knowed as the Fishers was give 280 OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL to Irish stew on Tuesdays, but no, sir, there he sat like a bump on a log V in the hind end I could n't but ask him to stay V have just cold pork 'n' beans on a'count o' the funeral. 'N' so he stayed. I set my irons back with a heavy heart 'n' said it seemed like some days misfortunes never come sin- gle, for I 'd already seen a water-bug in the kitchen that very mornin'; but he seemed to have decided to be thick-skinned, so I put on the tea-kettle 'n' brought out the pork 'n' beans 'n' we sat down to eat." " Was " asked Mrs. Lathrop. " Well, I should think he was," replied Susan. " I never see such a appetite. He eat pork 'n' beans like he thought they was twins off a vine, 'n' I had to finally get up 'n' clear away to save any a tall. I set the tea-kettle by him 'n' told him to end by havin' all the tea he wanted to pour through the leaves by himself, 'n' I went back to my ironin'. He sat there 'n' drank tea very happy for a long spell. Seemed like it sort o' thawed him out, 'n' finally he begin to talk about her, 'n' once he got started on that he never quit. I ironed curtains 'n' lis- tened 'n' let him talk. It was n't long afore OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 281 he begin to show the disadvantages o' bein' dead, for he said as he was always the practi- cal one of them both, 'n' he 'd never have dared say that with old Mrs. Ely on top of the earth. I was amused at his sayin' it anyhow, with the Virginia creeper graftin's there in a tomato-can bearin' witness agin him, but I did n't say nothin'. He asked me if I 'd believe as she was really a very fair-lookin' girl when they was married. I could n't but stop at that 'n' asked him if it was ever possible as her nose was ever any different, 'n' he had to say c No, not any dif- ferent ;' 'n' I can assure you as he set 'n' rubbed his chin with his hand a long time afterwards 'n' then drew a big breath 'n' said * No, not any different.' I felt to respect his feelin's 'n' did n't say nothin', 'n' after awhile he went on an' said that they was very happy married on the whole, 'n' then he rubbed his chin with his hand a nother long while 'n' said over again ( on the whole.' He asked me then if I ever heard how he came to marry her first 'n' I said as I always heard as t was to get the farm. He kind of flared up at that 'n' said there never was nothin' agin her but her nose, 'n' at that I took a fresh iron 'n' said he asked me a plain question 'n' I give him a plain answer, which, considerin' his horse 'n' my clothes-pole 'n' her nose, was all as could in reason be expected of me. He softened down at that 'n' said as he was n't by no means meanin' to make light of his dead wife's nose, 'n' I said as, speakin' o' Mrs. Ely's nose bein' the one thing agin her, it was the joy of every other person as met her as it was agin her 'n' not agin them, for it was a well-known fact as Mr. Kim- ball had said hundreds of times as if he had that nose an* leaned over a bridge 'n' see it in the water he 'd be willin' to let it over- balance him then 'n' there 'n' be drowned forever. He got pretty meek at that, for it showed as I was in earnest, 'n' he went on to say as it was large, but he said as afore she took to that way of kind o' shrinkin' back of it it did n't look so large, 'n' anyway she was his married 'n' buried wife. I told him I was certainly glad to know that, seein' as they 'd lived together so many years, 'n' then he said it 'd really be nothin' but a joy to him to tell me how he come to marry, her, so I said I 'd listen 'n' welcome 'n' he started in. OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 283 " I must say this, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' that is that I soon see as it was lucky as I was n't feelin' no special call to talk any myself, for he set out in a most steady sort of a discouragin' down-pour, kind of cross- your-legs 'n' clear-your-throat, 'n' I see as I was in for it 'n' just let him pour, for feel- in's catches us all ways 'n' whatever he felt about old Mrs. Ely it was plain as some one had got to hear it to the last drop. So I let him drop away, 'n' I will in all fairness say, as a more steady spout I never see no one under. He never seemed to consider as how me or any one might perhaps enjoy to maybe make a remark from time to time, 'n' even when he ain't talkin' he 's got that way o' rubbin' his chin as makes it seem most impolite to bu'st in on. I did n't care much, though, 'cause I had the curtains, 'n' besides I may in confidence state as when I really felt to speak I sailed right in anyhow 'n' spoke what I wanted to. For I never was one to sit by 'n' have my tail calmly trod on, as you 'n' a great many others knows to your cost, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' then, too, each time when I see as he was nigh to tippin' into the cistern it was 284 OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL really nothin' but a joy to him to know it in time to hitch away." " Did " said Mrs. Lathrop. " In the first place," said Susan, " he asked me if I'd mind his smokin' his pipe, V I told him I most certainly would, so that ended that subjeck right up square at the beginnin'. Then he said he 'd been married nigh on to forty years 'n' I told him to look out for the cistern 'n' he hitched along a piece 'n' begin again. 'N' then he seemed set a-goin' for keeps. " Seems, Mrs. Lathrop, as he never had no family, but he says he was a very hand- some young fellow for all that. I looked pretty hard at him, but he stuck to it 'n' I let it go. He went on to say as he growed up anyhow 'n' drifted to Meadville when he was long about twenty-four, 'n' went on to the Pearson farm. Oh, my, but he says that was a stony farm ! I tell you but he rubbed his chin with his hand a long while afore he said all over again, ' but that was a stony farm ! ' An' the gophers ! Well, he says whatever the Recordin' Angel has got down he bets he 's skipped some o' them gophers. He says the hairs on your head is OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 285 a mere joy to reckon up, 'n' fallin' sparrows too, beside them gophers. He says savin' a cent in the time o' Egypt 'n' seein' what you 'd have now if you 'd only done it, is nothin' to the way them gophers on the Pearson farm was give to givin' in marriage. He says as it was a very stony farm, 'n' in between every two stones was one hole 'n' half a dozen gophers to a hole, in the sin- gle season. He says ploughin' was like churnin' with nothin' but stones 'n' go- phers in the churn. He says they was that tame they 'd run up your legs 'n' up the horses' legs ; he said maybe I would n't be- lieve it, 'n' I told him I certainly would n't, so then he went on to another subjeck. " He says he used to plough through them gophers all day 'n' court Tillie all night. Tilly was old Mrs. Ely. He says she 'd never been courted on a'count of her nose, but he said he wanted a farm bad enough to be willin' to never forget to tip his face pretty well crossways. He says she was so happy bein' courted that at first it made the gophers just seem like nothin' a tall, 'n' he says as you can't maybe get the full sense o' that but it 's there just the 286 OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL same. I tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, you can see that man has suffered. I asked him was he afraid of mice too, 'n' he bristled up pretty sharp 'n' said he wa'n't afraid of gophers, only they took you so unawares. I had to tell him right there to look out for the cistern lid, 'n' he hitched over by the table again 'n' then he said, Well, so it went all summer. He said he got so tired o' gophers, 'n' moonlight, 'n' hittin' her nose hard by accident, times when he was n't thinkin', as he was nothin' but glad when September come 'round. He says he'd figgered all along on bein' married in Sep- tember, 'n' he never for one moment mis- trusted as he would n't be ; but he says of all the awful things to count on, Tilly Pear- son was the worst. Oh ! my, he says, but she was cranky ! 'n' then he rubbed his chin with his hand a long while 'n' then said c cranky,' over again in a very hard tone. He says would you believe it that after all his love-makin' along the first o' September she begin to get terrible uppish 'n' throw her head aroun' 'n' put on airs 'n' he was just dumbfounded at her goin's on." "What " asked Mrs. Lathrop. OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 287 "Then he says one awful day when he was stackin' straw, Old Pearson told him flat V plain as if he was n't goin' to marry Tilly, he need n't count on spendin' the winter as their company. Well, he says you can maybe realize what a shock that was. He says his nose was just smashed numb 'n' his sleep was full o' grabbin' at 'em in his dreams 'n' now it looked like all was for nothin* a tall. Still he says he scraped up a smile 'n' a cheerful look 'n' told Old Pearson as he was more'n willin' to marry Tilly for his winter's board but it was Tilly as was makin' the trouble. He says Old Pearson looked sort of surprised at that, but he thought a little while 'n' then he told him as if he was smart he 'd find a way to bring Tilly to her senses, 'cause every woman had some way to be brought to her senses, 'n' then he went off 'n' left him to think. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you can see with- out any tryin' that that man suffered. I pretty near stopped 'n' burnt jus' to listen to him. He says as he sit there plum be- side hisself 'n' most cried from not knowin' what under Heaven's name to do. He 288 OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL says he was placed most awful with winter starin' him stark in the face V no warm place to stay. He says nobody knows how it feels to feel like he was forced to feel, 'nless they 've been expectin' to be married V then been discharged themselves instead. He says he looked about most doleful 'n' wished he was dead or anythin' that 's warm, 'n' then he got down from the stack 'n' set on a old wagon-tongue 'n' jus' tried to figger out if there was n't no way as he could think up as would make Tilly have him. He says the bitter part was to reflect as he had to work to make Tilly have him, when it 'd really ought by all rights to have been the other way. He says to think o' that nose 'n' then him obliged to work 'n' slave to get hold of it ! " "I " began Mrs. Lathrop. " Well, he see it different," said Susan ; "he says, --'n' I can't in reason see how any one as knows as little as you, Mrs. Lath- rop, can deny him, he says as no one as gets married easy at the end of courtin' can possibly figger on the difficulties of gettin' married hard. He says it was jus' beyond belief the way he felt as he set there re- OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 289 flectin' on his wasted summer 'n' Tilly flip- pin' aroun' all unconcerned over him leavin' in the end. He says his blood begun to slowly begin to boil as he set there thinkin', 'n' in the end he jus' up an' hit the wagon- tongue with his fist 'n' said f By Jinks ! ' 'n' he says when he says ' By Jinks,' it is the end, 'n' don't you forget it. " He says he 'd no sooner said ' By Jinks ' than he thought of a plan, 'n' he says Lord forgive him if he ever thinks of such an- other plan. He says what put it into his head Heaven only knows, only o' course he never expected as it would work out as it did. He says he thought as she 'd see what he was up to 'n' stop him along half-way. But Oh, my, he says, you never can count on a woman, 'n' then he rubbed his chin with his hand for a long time 'n' said all over again ' never can count on a woman.' " Well, he says after he 'd thought o' the plan he went right to work to carry it out. He says it was one o' them plans as dilly- dally is death on. So he begun by makin* sure as she was pastin' labels on pickle-jars in the back wood-house 'n' then he went out by the shed 'n' got some old clothes- 290 OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL line as was hangin' there 'n' come round to where the bingin'-pole was 'n' whittled notches in it 'n' tied a piece o' the line hard aroun' the end. He says all the time he was tyin' he was countin' on her runnin' right out 'n' askin' him what under the sun he was doin', but she never budged." "What " asked Mrs. Lathrop. "Well, if you '11 keep still 'n' let me talk I '11 tell you," said Miss Clegg ; " I had to keep still while he told me, 'n' the Bible 's authority for sayin' as what man has done woman can always do too if she has a mind to. Well, he says then he bent the end of the pole around 'n' tied it hard to one of the uprights of the shed so it was sprung around in a terrible dangerous manner 'n' he says when he got it all tied, he looked up at the window 'n' why she did n't come out he can't to this day see. But she did n't just stayed bobbin' around over her labels 'n' pastin'. Well, he says o' course he wa'n't in no hurry to go on to next part, so he dragged the grin'stone out in plain view of her 'n' begun 'n' sharpened a hatchet most awful sharp. He thought as the hatchet would bring her anyhow, but still OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 291 she did n't come out, jus' stuck to her stickin' there in the window. I can't well see why he looked for her to come out be- cause my view would be as if you did n't want a man aroun', the more ropes an' hatchets he was inclined to the more I 'd let him tie 'n' sharpen, but old Mrs. Ely was always another parts o' speech from me. She never could eat her own chickens, they say, nor sausage her own pigs, 'n' I s'pose he knowed her tender spots aforehand 'n' was layin' for 'em. Anyhow, to go back to him 'n' the grin'stone, he says you can't under no circumstances keep on sharpenin' a hatchet forever, 'n' so after a while he had to go on to the next part. He says he was beginnin' to feel kind o' shaky, but he took more line 'n' made a slip-noose 'n' tied it hard 'n' fast to the pole. He says he looked up real bright 'n' hopeful then, but still she did n't come out, 'n' he says he slid it up over his arm two or three times so she could n't but see as it was a noose too. Oh, my, but he says he did begin to feel mad at her then, he says it wa 'n't in reason as any man 'd be pleased at a woman 's smilin' out of a window at him fixin' a noose in plain 292 OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL sight. He says he '11 leave it to any one dead or alive to get into his skin V enjoy the way he was beginnin' to feel, but o' course he had to keep on with his plan, 'n' he says next he laid the hatchet handy an' set down (Oh, my, but he says the ground sent up a cold chill up his back!) 'n' tied his feet to the . other upright. Well, he says that foot-tyin' was no joke, for he says he must of took fifteen minutes to it, for he was jus' about wild by this time, not knowin' what he would do if she did n't come out now. He says no one knows what it is to begin a thing as you count on surely havin' stopped 'n' then not be stopped a tall. He says as the sentiments as he begun to get was too awful for any ordinary words 'n' he would scorn to use the words as could describe 'em even if he knowed any such. Well, he says, at last, when he was through tyin' his feet, he turned 'n' looked at the window 'n' if she wa'n't gone to put up the jars, so he had no choice but to sit there on that cold ground 'n' wait for her to come back. He said he hoped I 'd never know what his feelin's was as he waited 'n' then he rubbed his chin with his hand a long time OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 293 'n' said all over again, c as he waited.' I told him it was n't likely as I would, 'n' to look out for the cistern or he 'd know new feelin's 'n' a new kind of waitin', so he had to hitch back by the table again 'n' then he took a long breath before goin' on to the next part. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, he says when she come back from puttin' up the jars he jus' could n't but feel as his hour was surely come. He says how he ever done it he never has seen since, but he took up that noose 'n' put it over his head. He says as he did so he took a quick look at the win- dow 'n' seen her lookin', 'n' he says he jus' hoped surely she'd give a scream now 'n' come runnin' out the kitchen-door. But he says she 'd disappointed him so often his heart was like lead, 'n' he felt bluer 'n he 's ever felt any other time in his life. He says he fixed the noose all smooth around his neck for five minutes or so, 'n' then there was nothin' in the wide world left for him to do but to take up that awful sharp hatchet. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I vow I was inter- ested in spite of myself. His voice shook 294 OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL *n* his hands too jus' with rememberin.' I really felt to pity him I did. He says he lifted the hatchet V looked at the window tryin' to hope fully 'n' securely as this time she 'd surely come out screamin' 'n' runnin'. 'N' she never screamed 'n' she never run ! Oh, my, but he says he was tremblin' from head to foot 'n' the cold sweat jus' poured over him. He says he took up the hatchet 'n' held it quiverin' in his quiverin' hand, 'n' then he made a weak hack at the rope as tied the pole to the upright. He says he see her nose in the window as he hacked 'n' then he says no words can ever describe his feelin's when he suddenly learned as he 'd cut the rope ! He says he never had no more idea o' hittin* the rope than he had o' hangin' himself, 'n' he said when he very quickly felt as he 'd done both nothin' can properly explain him ! He says the news- papers don't have no idea a tall of how it feels or they 'd never print it so cool 'n' calm. He says cuttin' the rope let the pole loose 'n' the noose ran up on him 'n' choked him most terrible. My gracious, he says, but carbolic acid 'n' Rough on Rats is child's play beside that grip on your throat. OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 295 He says he never will forget how it felt, not if he lives to be Methusalem's great-grand- father. He says he got a most awful jerk from his head to his heels too as nigh to broke his ankles, V a twist in his wrist from the weight o' the hatchet, but he said he did n't have no time to take no a'count o' nothin' just then but the way everythin' turned red V black 'n' run into his ears." "Did it kill " cried Mrs. Lathrop, much excited. " I 'm goin' to tell you. He says the last thing he knowed was Tilly's shriek. O' course when he cut the rope she seen he 'd meant it all, 'n' so she grabbed up a carvin' knife 'n' yelled to her father 'n' run. Old man Ely says it was good she run, for there was n't a minute to loose. Old Pearson run too from where he was in the barn but Tilly got there first. She did n't lose one second in sawin' him free at both ends 'n' he says he was so nigh to dead that first he thought she was a gopher, 'n' then an angel. Oh, my, but he says he was dizzy at first, 'n' faint, 'n' queer in his ears. He sat 'n' thought about it all by himself for a long while this morn- in' afore he went on again. He says no one ever realizes how close they are to eternity unless they accidentally go 'n' do suthin' so darn foolish as that. " Well, he says, after a while, after a long, long while, he felt to get to the house, 'n' then, he says, come one o' the strangest parts o' the story the part as shows how everythin' turns out for the best in the end. He says it's really most like a fairy-tale, 'n' jus' as if he 'd planned it all to order. Seems when he tried to get up 'n' walk to the house Tilly wanted her father to help hold up his other side, 'n' she could n't see where her father was. She started aroun' the shed to look for him 'n' there she found him stretched out flat. Seems when she cut Ely loose she let the pole fly roun' jus' in time to take her father in the legs 'n' there he laid, not dead, but in a way as showed right off as some one else 'd have to run his farm from then on. Well, old man Ely says you need n't tell him as there ain't no All-wise Providence after that, 'n' he rubbed his chin with his hand a long, long while 'n' shook his head 'n' then said ' need n't tell him ' all over again. He says he joined the church the very next Sunday OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL 297 V him 'n' Tilly was married in September like he'd always planned. He says they was very happy on the whole 'n' after a while Old Pearson got where he got around pretty well, only for a crazy idea he had as suthin' unexpected was goin' to hit him sudden. He says he had the idea so strong as he never was free from it while he was alive 'n' it was a mercy when he died. He says as he see how good things can turn out, for Tilly always jus' loved him half to death 'cause he 'd loved her enough to cut that rope in two. He says he means her to have a very handsome monument, 'n' if he ever marries again he shall keep her picture in the parlor just the same." "Do " said Mrs. Lathrop. " Well, I think he '11 try to," said Miss Clegg, " but his other wife may not see it in the same spirit, Mrs. Ely not bein' no great ornament, 'n' the farm is safe now anyhow." "I " said Mrs. Lathrop, further. "Yes," said Susan, "I thought so myself but it did n't seem to strike him that way." VIII THE WOLF AT SUSAN'S DOOR PART FIRST MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS MRS. LATHROP, rocking placidly in her kitchen window, was conscious of a vague sense of worry as to her friend over the fence. It appeared to her that Susan was looking more thin and peaked than nature had intended. It is true that Miss Clegg was always of a bony and nervous outline, but it seemed slowly but surely borne in upon her older friend that of late she had been rapidly becoming sharper in every way. Mrs. Lathrop felt that she ought to speak that she ought not to lead her next door neighbor into the false belief that her sufferings were unnoticed by the affectionate spectacles forever turned her way, and yet Mrs. Lathrop being Mrs. Lathrop it was only after several days 298 MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS 299 of rocking and cogitation that the verbal die came to its casting. That came to be upon a summer evening, and it came to pass across the barrier-fence where Miss Clegg had come to lean wearily, her shoulders and the corners of her mouth following the same dejected angle, while her elderly friend stood facing her with a gaze that was at once earnest, penetrating, and commiserating, and with a clover blossom in her mouth. " Susan," said Mrs. Lathrop, in a voice mournful enough to have renovated Job ; " Susan, I " Miss Clegg shut her eyes firmly and opened them sharply. " I 'm glad you have," she said, in a voice whose tone was divided between relief and reproach, "I certainly am glad you have. I try to be close-mouthed 'n' never trouble any one with my affairs, Mrs. Lathrop, but I will say as I have often wondered at how you could sit 'n' rock in the face of what I 've been grinnin' 'n' bearin' these last few weeks. Not that rockin' is any crime, 'n' I always feel it must be fine exercise for the chair, but it 's hard for one who has the wolf 300 MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS at their door, V not only at their door, but nigh to bu'stin' it in, to see their dearest friend rockin' away, like wolf or no wolf she 'd go on forever." Mrs. Lathrop looked aggrieved. " Why, Susan " she protested. " That ain't no excuse," the friend said, not harshly but with a cold distinctness ; " you may talk yourself blind if you feel so inclined, 'n' I don't say but what you really did n't mean nothin', but the fact remains, 'n' always will remain, as you Ve took a deal of comfort rockin' while I Ve been kitin' broadcast tryin' to see if I could keep soul 'n' body together or whether I 'd have to let one or the other of 'em go." Mrs. Lathrop opened her mouth and eyes widely. " I never " she gasped. Susan hooked herself on to the fence-rail with both her elbows preparatory to a lengthy debate ; her eyes were bright, her expression one of unreserved exposition. Mrs. Lathrop continued to keep her eyes and mouth open, but reasons which will soon be known to the reader prevented her making another remark for a long time. MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS 301 " Mrs. Lathrop, I may as well begin by goin' 'way back to the beginnin' of every- thin' 'n' takin' you right in the hide and hair of my whole troubles. It ain't possible for you to realize what your rockin 's meant to me unless you understand to the full what I Ve been goin' through 'n' crawlin' under these last weeks. I want to spare your feelin's all I can, for it ain't in me to be unkind to so much as a gooseberry, but I can't well see how you can keep from bein' some punched by remorse when you hear how I 've been cleanin' house with a heavy heart ,'n' no new mop. That 's what I 've been doin', Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' so help me Heaven, it's death or a new mop next year. The way that mop has skipped dirt 'n' dripped water! well, seein' is the only believin' when it comes to mops, but all I can say is that you never looked more spotty than I have since that mop, 'n' you know how lookin' spotty is mortal agony to me me not bein' one who can be happy rockin' on top of dirt. "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I said I was goin' to begin at the beginnin', so I will, although the whole town knows as it was that fine 302 MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS scheme of Mr. Kimball's as set my ball bouncin' down hill. I wasn't the only one as got rolled over 'n' throwed out feet up, but I don't know as bein' one of a number to lose money makes the money any more fun to lose. Mr. Dill was sayin* yesterday as he wouldn't have listened to nothin' but white for Lucy's weddin'-dress if it had n't been for Mr. Kimball 'n' his little scheme, but I don't get any great comfort out of knowin' that Lucy Dill 's got to try 'n' get herself married in her Aunt Samantha Dill's blue bengaline. The blue bengaline's very handsome 'n' I never see a prettier arrange- ment of beads 'n' fringe, but every one says too much of Lucy shows at the top 'n' bottom to even be romantic. They can hook it, but Lucy can't stay hooked inside but five minutes at the outside. I 'm sure I don't see how they'll ever fix it, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins says she cries whenever she thinks that at Hiram's weddin' the bride won't have no weddin'-dress. Polly Allen wanted Lucy to open the darts 'n' let in puffs like Mary Stuart's husbands always was puffed, but Lucy never see Mary Stuart 'n' the only picture in town MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS 303 of any of her husbands has got him in bed with the sheet drawed up to his chin 'n' his hands folded right on top of where they 'd want to copy the darts. Such a picture ain't no help a tally so Lucy is still shakin' her head the same as at first. My idea would be to make no wish-bones about it 'n' just be married in her travelin'-dress 'n' then wear it when she goes away, but it seems she wants her travelin'-dress for church, 'n' does n't mean to wear it travelin' anyhow, because she 'n' Hiram is just wild over the no-one-knowin'-they 're-married idea, 'n' Lucy is goin' to wear old gloves 'n' some buttons off her shoes, 'n' Hiram is goin' to wear his mother's spectacles 'n' Mr. Shores' store umbrella. Gran'ma Mullins feels awful over Hiram's goin' away like that ; she says she 's brought him up so neat 'n' always a vest on Sunday 'n' only shirt-sleeves in summer, 'n' now to think of him goin' off on his weddin'-trip in Mr. Shores' umbrella! but Lucy don't care nor Hiram neither 'n' they're goin' to take along a piece of sand-paper 'n' sand-paper the shine off the ring on the train. Polly Allen 'n' the deacon is laughin' 304 MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS to fits over them. Everythin' 's very differ- ent with Polly 'n* the deacon. The deacon says it ain't in reason as a man of sixty-two can look forward to many more weddin's, 'n' he 's goin' to sit with his arm around Polly, 'n' he don't care who chooses to suspeck they 're weddin'-trippin'. They 're goin' to be all new clothes right through to their skins, 'n' Polly 's goin' to have a orange-blossom bunch on her hat. The deacon says he '11 pay for all the rice folks are willin' to throw, 'n' it 's a open secret as he 's goin' to give the minister a gold piece. The minister was smilin' all over town about it until Mr. Kimball told him he see a gold quarter-of-a-dollar once. He 's hopin' for a five, but Mr. Shores says he knows positive as the deacon got two two-dollar-and-a-halfs at the bank when his wife died, and he gave one to the minister then 'n' probably he 's been savin' the other to get married again with." Susan paused for breath a vital neces- sity and then went on : " But dear me, Mrs. Lathrop, all that ain't what I set out to tell you, 'n' even if it 's a pleasure to you to hear it, it ain't MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS 305 in reason as I should take my time to talk to you about other people's affairs. You may be interested in other people's affairs, but I ain't, 'n' we started to talk about mine 'n' what I set out to talk about I talk about or else I stay at home. It was my troubles as I was goin' to make a clean high breast of, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' I '11 lay any odds as by the time I get through you '11 have little feelin' to sleep in you. The Lord says, f To him who hath shall be given,' 'n' I will in confidence remark as I 've just been achin' to give it to you for these many days. You Ve always been poor, but you 've never seemed to mind ; now I 'm poor (yes, Mrs. Lathrop, jump if you like " for Mrs. Lathrop had started in surprise " but it 's so) 'n' / mind ; I mind very much, I mind all up 'n' down and kitty-cornered crossways, 'n' if I keep on gettin' poor, Lord have mercy on you, for I shall certainly not be able to look on calmly at no great amount of rockin'," Mrs. Lathrop stared widely and gasped openly. Susan continued : " It all began with Mr. Kimball 'n' his gettin' the fever of speculation. Mr. Kim- 306 MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS ball said he thought he 'd rather get rich quick than not get rich at all. That was the way he put it 'n' it sounded so sensible 't I felt to agree. Then he begin to unfold how (he had the newspaper in his hand), 'n' as soon as he was unfolded I read the adver- tisement. It was a very nice advertisement an' no patent medicine could have sounded easier to take in. You buy two rubber trees 'n' then wait two years 'n' get fifty per cent till you die. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I went over that advertisement fifty times to try 'n' see what to do 'n' yet the more I studied it the less faith I had in it somehow. The picture of the man who tended the trees was up on top 'n' little pictures of him made a kind of pearl frame around the whole, 'n' he was honest enough lookin' as far as I could judge, but as I told Mr. Kimball what was to guarantee us as he'd stick to the same job steady, 'n' I certainly didn't have no longin' in me to buy a rub- ber tree in southeast Peru 'n' then leave it to be hoed around by Tom, Dick, 'n' Harry. So I shook my head 'n' said 'no' in the end 'n' then we looked up railway stocks. Mr. Kimball read me a list of MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS 307 millionaires 'n' he asked me if I would n't like to be called ' Susan Clegg, queen of the Western Pacific ' but I 'm too old to be caught by any such chaff, 'n' I told him so to his face, and then it was that we come to his favorite scheme of the ' Little Flyer in Wheat.' That was what he called it, 'n' I must say that I think it 's a pretty good name, only if I know myself I '11 buy wheat as never sets down hereafter. " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, it took a deal of talkin' 'n' Mr. Kimball had to do a lot of figgerin' before my eyes afore I was ready to believe him when he said as five of us could go in together 'n' double our money every few days for a month or so. He showed me as what he was figgerin' from was printed in plain letters 'n' red ink in a city paper, 'n' after a while I opened my mouth 'n' swallowed the whole thing, red ink'n' all. Mr. Kimball, Mr. Dill, Mr. Shores, me, 'n' me over again, was the five, 'n' we bought the share right off, fully be- lievin' as we 'd begin the wheat-flyin' the same way " Susan paused and set her teeth a little vigorously for a moment, then : 308 MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS i " Well, Mrs. Lathrop, that was the way it all begun, 'n' I can lay my hand any- where 'n' swear as all my bad luck is founded solid on Mr. Kimball in conse- quence. The very day after we begun with our fly instid of doublin' he halved in the mornin' paper 'n' it seemed we 'd got to buy him all over again or it was good-by Johnny. Me bein' the only one with money known to be ready 'n' idle they brought the paper to me to save the share, 'n' I can only say, Mrs. Lathrop, as I wish as you could have seen their faces when they saw mine. I saw I was a lamb sittin' among the sharks, but I see, too, as I 'd have to come to time 'n' I got the money, 'n' then we set down Mr. Dill, Mr. Shores, 'n' me to figger on how much of the share was mine on the new deal. It struck me, 'n' it strikes me now, 'n' it always will strike me, as any one as owns two-fifths of a thing and then buys the whole thing over again owns seven- fifths of it from then on, but Mr. Dill had the face to tell me to my face as it wa'n't so a tall. He figgered the share at 100 'n' us paid down at 50 'n' me all together as aggravatin' up to 45, V I could only sit starin' 'n' stark ravin' dumb to see where he would come out after that. I did n't say nothin' of what I felt to him or Mr. Shores, for the very good reason as I wanted to save all my feelin's for Mr. Kimball, but I tell you that a volcano gettin' itself made in the beginnin' is floatin' lily-pads beside the in- side of me that hour. " I went down-town that afternoon 'n' I aired myself pretty thoroughly over the whole town, I can assure you. Mr. Allen said I 'd better pocket my loss 'n' give up dabblin' in stocks, but I did n't see no great sense in what he said. I did n't have nothin' to pocket, everything was gone, 'n' so far as dabblin' goes I wa'n't dabblin', I was in up to my nose. But Mr. Kimball come out as brassy as a bass-drum 'n' showed me a picture of wheat layin' on his back in bed takin' a tonic with four doctors doin' up his room work for him. The doctors was all millionaires on that stock list of railroads 'n' I counted on their knowin' what they were givin' him, so I come home quite a little easier, 'n' that night I slept like a ton of hay. But the next day ! my Lord 310 MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS alive, you remember the next day, don't you, Mrs. Lathrop, V it must have been arsenic as them four had put in his bottle, for I was up in the garret makin' a thistle- down pillow 'n' there come Ed tearin' up on his bicycle to tell me as I must stick in ten dollars more on a margin. c On a what? ' I hollered from the window. * On a mar- gin,' he hollered from under the porch. Well, really, Mrs. Lathrop, I do believe if he had n't been under the porch I would have throwed something down on him. My, but I was mad ! I come down that garret-ladder like a greased pan 'n' I tied my bonnet on 'n' walked straight in on Mr. Kimball. That was one time as he did very little jokin', 'n' in the end he put in five of the ten himself 'n' then we both sat down 'n' tried to figger out as to how much of that share we each owned. I will confess as takin' down stoves was lookin' out of the window beside that job, 'n' in the end he made out as that if the share was worth the whole of itself I 'd own half, but bein' worth only what had happened to it there was n't the half in the whole. So I come home 'n' dreamed nothin' but MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS 311 nightmares runnin' wildly up 'n' down me. "You know what happened next! it was the next mornin', 'n' I was makin' bread with a very heavy dough when Ed come bouncin' in for three dollars more margin. Well, I honestly thought I 'd bu'st. I blazed up so quick 'n' so sudden that Ed fell back agin the table, 'n' then I shook till the window rattled. It was a good minute before I could speak, 'n' when I spoke, I may in truth remark, Mrs. Lathrop, that I never spoke plainer nor firmer in my life, f Edward Andrews ' I says 'Edward Andrews, you paddle yourself right back to Mr. Kimball 'n' tell him that my patience is very short 'n' is gettin' shorter each minute, 'n' you may just casually mention that I ain't got no more money to margin with not now 'n' not never. If a thing as I Ve paid nigh to eight-fifths for is shrunk to less than half of itself Mr. Dill 'n' Mr. Shores can mar- gin for it from now on I 'm done forever.' 'N' I was done, too but I never bargained on what came next ! Mr. Kimball traded that share in wheat for two in a Refrigerator 312 MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS Trust 'n' never even so much as sneezed about it to me, 'n' I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as I consider that the Bible sayin' * Honor among thieves ' ought to apply to me just as much as to any one else. 'N' there I went into the city as unsuspectin' as a can brimful of buttermilk 'n' bought a paper to read comin' home on the cars, 'n' what should I unfold but wheat runnin' up a ladder along with a bull to get out of the way of a lot of wild-lookin' lambs ! The ladder- rungs was numbered 'n' I was sharp enough to see as them numbers was money 'n' that wheat had one leg safe on no; so I kited home to sell out -'n' it was then I learned about the Refrigerator ! "Well, Mrs. Lathrop! well, Mrs. Lathrop, what do you think was my feelin's then ? I tell you boilin' lava 'n' India's sunny strand wasn't hotter than me that minute. Me the backbone of the whole thing 'n' sold out like I was a mummy while I was in town buyin' darnin' cotton ! " Miss Clegg shifted her weight to the other foot and drew a long, fresh breath. " Mr. Kimball 'n' me has never been the MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS 313 same since," she continued with warmth ; "we had enough to make us different, Heaven knows, for from that day on mis- fortune has just dogged and rabbited me, I know. The winter was so cold that the only way the Refrigerator Trust could come out even was to burn up toward spring, 'n' the day it burnt wheat was sittin' on 140, kissin' his hand to the new crop." " But Mr. Kim " interposed Mrs. Lathrop. " Oh, well, of course, havin' Mr. Shores fail right opposite brightened everything for him I 'd smile myself if any one was to fail right opposite me, 'n' I said just that very thing to Mr. Shores the mornin' after. I says, I says, c Mr. Shores, you must consider that this is a world of ups and downs, 'n' that if you don't like to fail your failure is makin' Mr. Kimball happy 'n' your loss will be his credit.' But Mr. Shores was too busy to talk, so I bought two skewers to encourage him 'n' come out, 'n' within a week I found to my sorrow as I was pretty unpleasantly near to a mark- down sale myself." " It was " observed Mrs. Lathrop, sadly. 314 MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS "Yes," said her friend, "that's just when it was, that very self-same week. I was in the square listenin' to Gran'ma Mullins' everlastin' tale of woe over Hiram 'n' Lucy, 'n' up come the blacksmith with a tale of woe for myself. Now, Mrs. Lathrop, you know me 'n' you Ve known me a long time 'n' you 've heard me tell this a good many times 'n' yet I want to ask you one time more, do you think any one but the black- smith 'n' Mr. Dill would ever have blamed me for the crick's washing out back of the blacksmith's 'n' lettin' the anvil 'n' the hind legs of Mr. Dill's horse slide out sudden ? Of course, I own the blacksmith shop 'n' of course I rent it, but - - as I told him 'n' Mr. Dill both that very day nobody can't rent common sense nor yet keep track of men's washouts 'n' horses' hind legs. I knowed all the time I was walkin' towards the crick that it was goin' to be a bad busi- ness, but I never expected to see nothin' as looked like Mr. Dill's horse, 'n' I never again shall hope to see nothin' as '11 look like Mr. Dill's looks as he looked at the horse. Not as his horse was n't worth lookin' at either. His legs had gone out behind so MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS 315 far V so unexpected that it seemed like he could n't get them high enough 'n' close enough to suit him, 'n' he just stood there drawin' them up alternate for all the world like a fly on fly-paper. Mr. Dill said he felt like if his horse was n't ever goin' to be able to h'ist his legs no quicker 'n that he 'd have to have damages, 'n' at that word I nigh to sat right down. I tell you what, Mrs. Lathrop, Mr. Weskin has bred this damage idea too deep into this town for any comfort. It 's got to where it 's better to hurt yourself most any way than to damage some one else only a little. I would n't take the chances of sayin' { shoo' to a hen on a slippery mornin', 'n' things has come to a pretty pass when you 've got to consider a hen's back-slidin's. Such bein' the case I felt more 'n a little troubled when Mr. Dill said damages, but I tried to look on the bright side, 'n' I told him that it seemed to me that a proper-minded horse would have hauled in his legs when he felt himself slip- pin' in half. Mr. Dill said his horse unfor- tunately could n't see with his tail 'n' was also brought up to consider anvils as solid. I answered as all I could say was as it was a 316 MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS great pity as his horse was n't built enough like the rest of the world to have better hindsight than foresight, V then I looked at the anvil in the crick 'n' then I come home." "'N' that " said Mrs. Lathrop, sadly. " Yes, that very night ! - - it was that very night that the lightnin' struck my house" Susan halted a moment to turn and look at the house. " I never will see why the lightnin' had to strike my house, Mrs. Lathrop, with yours so handy right next door; but it did strike it -'n' me inside sleepin' the sleep of the nigh to poverty-stricken 'n' done-up, 'n' never as much as dreamin' of bein' woke by a brick bouncin' out of my own flesh 'n' blood stove-hole. My heavens alive ! what a night that was, 'n' even if nothin' catched fire everythin' in kingdom come rained in, 'n' when mornin' come 'n' I see what a small hole it was after all I would n't ever have believed it if you 'd swore it till the week after doomsday." " And then - " said Mrs. Lathrop, sym- pathetically. " Yes, 'n' then come the roof-mendin'. MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS 317 I never can feel to blame myself there because I did n't want to pay no carpenter, 'n' you know yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, as it looked just as easy to get up on that roof as to fall off any other. I hung the shingles around my neck 'n' put the nails in my mouth 'n' the hammer down my back, 'n' then I went up the lattice 'n' got over the little window on to the ridge-pole. You know, Mrs. Lathrop, how simple it all seemed from the ground, 'n' I was to just sit edgeways from the end of the peak right along up to the hole, but you 've heard me remark afore 'n' I will now remark again as no one on the ground has any notion of ridge-poles as they really are. A ridge-pole from the ground, Mrs. Lathrop, looks like it could n't be fell off, but frorh itself it feels like it could n't be stuck on to, 'n' I thought I 'd swallow the last one of them nails gaspin' afore I got to the hole. You saw me tryin' to get to the hole, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' then you saw me tryin' to get the hammer. I thought I 'd go somer- settin' head over heels afore I got it fished out 'n' then there was n't no place to lay it down ! 318 MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I never shall be able to look back on that day and hour without a cold conscience. It was certainly a awful time. I took a nail out of my mouth V a shingle off my neck 'n' made ready to begin. I took the hammer 'n' just then I looked down -'n' if there was n't the minister 'n' his wife just turnin' in my gate ! " Well, of course, that came nigh to endin' me ever 'n' ever ! No Christian would ever dream of answering her front-door bell from her back ridge-pole, 'n' I never was one to do nothin' as folks could talk of. I see it was to do or die right then or there 'n' I made a quick slide for the porch roof. You know what happened, 'n' I never have felt to forgive the minister, even if it was n't him as drove that unexpected nail in my roof. Mrs. Lathrop, we Ve spoke of this afore, 'n' I Ve said then, 'n' I '11 say now, that in spite of my likin' for you, no one as rocks forever on a cushion can be able to even surmise what it is to slide quick over a unexpected nail, 'n' so it was only natural that even in the first hour I never looked for anything from you but Pond's Extract. MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS 319 But I may remark further for it's right you should know that nothin' in my whole life ever rasped me worse the wrong way of my hair than to watch you rockin' that fortnight that I had my choice to stand up or go to bed, 'n' even in bed I had to get up 'n' get out if I wanted to turn over. Mr. Shores told Mrs. Macy as probably it was the sun as had drawed that nail, 'n' all I can say is that I hope if it was the sun 'n' he ever takes it into his head to draw another of my nails, that he '11 either draw it completely out or leave it completely in, for I know as I never want to come down from another ridge-pole by way of another nail not while I 'm alive anyhow." A short pause and a long sigh. Mrs. Lathrop sighed, too. " Then come the bill from the carpenter 'n' from young Doctor Brown, 'n' for raisin' the anvil, 'n' I was hardly onto my legs before Mr. Dill's horse quit his hind ones. Mr. Weskin was up 'n' doin' as usual 'n' advised bringin' a joint suit with the black- smith for the anvil 'n' me for the crick, but even if I was helpless the blacksmith wa'n't goin' to be sued if he could do anything 320 MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS else, 'n' he brung Mr. Dill up to see if we could n't arbitrate ourselves. Mr. Dill 's always been very nice to me, but that wheat- fly made him so mad to be paid something by somebody that it took the blacksmith 'n' me and four glasses of root beer to bring him to reason. In the end he said if the blacksmith would shoe everything he owned till it died 'n' if I would put up Lucy's currants till I died that he 'd call them two legs straight. We wrote a paper 'n' signed it 'n' I went to bed, 'n' seemed like my trials were certainly more than any mortal could stand under, particularly when you consider that a good deal of the time I had n't been able to sit down. " I don't see why any one should be sur- prised over me lookin' worried. It says in the Bible that if you 'n' Mohamet ain't on the mountain you 're bound to have the mountain 'n' Mohamet both on you, 'n' I must say I believe it 's true. I 've had to take the ten dollars as I never touch, 'n' the ten as I will never touch, 'n' the ten as I never will touch so help me Heaven -'n' spend 'em all. 'N' I don't know what I am goin' to do now, I 'm sure. Bein' your- MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS 321 self, Mrs. Lathrop, you can't in reason be expected to understand what it is to me to have no one but you to turn to. You Ve got your good points, but you ain't no hand to have ideas nor yet to advise. I Ve been slow in comin' to that view of you, but I Ve got to it at last, V got over it, 'n' I 'm walkin' alone on the further side." Mrs. Lathrop looked apologetic, but re- mained tritely silent. Susan backed away from the fence. " It 's gettin' damp," she said ; " you Ve got rheumatism anyway, so you don't care if you take cold, but I ain't very anxious to, 'n' so I think we 'd ought to go in." Mrs. Lathrop nodded, and turned to go. " I hope I have n't made you feel uneasy, Mrs. Lathrop," Susan said, as she also turned ; " you know me well enough to know as if I come to starvation it would never be nothin' but a joy to me to see you starve with me." Mrs. Lathrop nodded. Susan nodded. And thus they parted for the night. VIII PART SECOND GRAN'MA MULLINS'S WOE IT was some days later a summer afternoon. The setting sun was bright- ening the western sky, and Susan, with her bonnet on and her sun-shade leaning beside her, sat on Mrs. Lathrop's porch and discoursed in a fashion that partook alter- nately of the lively and of the dejected. Mrs. Lathrop rocked calmly and listened yet more so. " Things is goin' worse 'n' worse," said the caller ; " I Ve had to bring myself down to doin' my own weedin', so as to save that ten cents a week I give Augustus, 'n' Lord knows I 'd gladly put up anything for any- body, but everybody in this town puts up themselves. I don't know how I will get along if suthin' don't turn up, 'n' I can't see what can turn up with every one head over ears deep in the weddin's 'n' young GRAMMA MULLINS'S WOE 323 Doctor Brown settin' the whole town mad over the crick. That 's a very strange thing about the crick, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' it seems to be pretty generally admitted now that inside or out the crick 's good for most any- thing in anybody, but this new idea as it 's a sure cure for asthma is just doin' folks up alive. Young Doctor Brown says he 's been investigatin' under his own microscope, 'n' he says there ain't a doubt but the crick polliwogs can eat up the asthma polliwogs as fast as you can shake 'em together in a bottle. He's goin* to Meadville 'n' shake 'em up for old Doctor Carter, 'n' then he's goin' to send to the city for a pint of typhoid fever 'n' a half-pint of diphtheria 'n' let 'em loose on that. Mr. Kimball asked him if he was positive which side was doin' the swallowin' 'n' if he had the crick ones wear a band on their left arms when they went into battle, but young Doctor Brown explained as there could n't be no mistake, for asthma has got four claws in its tail and the crick has horns all over. Mrs. Macy says, under them circumstances she shall make her tea with boiled rain-water hereafter, 'n' she says she ain't sure as she 's 324- GRANDMA MULLINS'S WOE got enough faith left in the crick to even scrub with it." " If I " said Mrs. Lathrop. " Gran'ma Mullins is a good deal upset," said Susan ; " she don't like the notion of young Doctor Brown's bringin' so much ty- phoid and diphtheria into town just as Hi- ram 's goin' to get married a tall. She says she 's got enough to worry over about Hiram without that. She says she 's feelin' worse over him every day. She can't talk about it without chokin'. She says she 's got his rattle and his first sock pinned up by the clock, so every time she looks up at the time she can see 'em 'n' cry again. She says it ain't in reason as Lucy '11 ever under- stand Hiram. She says Hiram 's a very singular disposition, but if you always ask him to do what you don't want done 'n' to never do what's got to be done right off he 's one of the handiest men around the house as she ever see. She says he eats a lot of sugar 'n' you must n't notice it, 'cause he always says as he never does ; and he most never goes to church, but you must n't tell him so, 'cause he says he goes regular, 'n' she says as he likes to keep molasses candy GRAN'MA MULLINS'S WOE 325 in his pockets 'n' under his pillow, 'n' heaven knows, likin' molasses candy ain't no crime, and yet she 's almost sure Lucy 's goin' to make his life miserable over it. She says her cup was full enough without no pint of diphtheria added, 'n' I d'n know as I ever see any one more downhearted. Mrs. Macy 'n' me stayed and shook our heads with her for a while 'n' then we went on to Mrs. Allen's to look at Polly's weddin' things. Every one in town is goin' to look at Polly's weddin' things, 'n' you 'd really suppose as the deacon was any one in the world but the deacon to see how they Ve fixed Polly up to marry him. Four of everythin' 'n' six o' some. Only not a apron in the whole, the deacon would n't have it. He said right out as he wa'n't marryin' Polly to work her to skin 'n' bone, and he knows how he wants his house kept 'n' his cookin' done, so he'll just keep on keepin' 'n' cookin' as usual. He's fixed up a good deal ; the canary bird 's got a brass hook after all these years o' wooden-peggin', 'n' he 's bought one o' them new style door- mats made out o' wire with f Welcome P. W.' let into it in green marbles. f P. W.' stands 326 GRANDMA MULLINS'S WOE for < Polly White/ V Mr. Kimball told Mr. Macy they had a awful time over sticking the marbles in 'n' a awful time gettin' the letters to suit. The deacon was for