COMPLE Just ]: ( - o,, prie WIT I PR riONARY. ith classified in two parts) NE: ders IMEXDED.&c. comple . .':i< '. 1. It i> not aHHHBHM^HH| . : ten fraedi angedin betical maimei a treatise . : 'end an almost ,f works 1 . the disease de- i Well may the lor be thankful for a itrong and - ....... ,,.... ,. less loss on of the powers of e in sleep tl Is generally required, when he must have reij contains a nun. of which i embraces a rla> '' i list UR reader, in OU i with us turn Hi the I'll ( \V, one s, but it . i a most 11,1858. the whole me- v& are assured, 1 upon tlu- i v. e are brought by .th.and tv the magnitude of which it Kmi\W^iff1fjm - from us irable qualities that n. 'It wtnildbedif- the influence which thi ; , long before its con, the medical mind of this count i 1 1 of what is now the cpm- o D 4 40 A SUBJECT FOR MAZEPPA ? S PUNISHMENT. and I will be as vociferous in the three times three, and again, again, again, as the loudest of you all. That fox or stag hunting is the frequent cause of a great deal of cruelty and suffering to horses is quite clear ; that is, when they get into certain hands. I have some years since seen the Hon. Mr. P. with his horse spurred from shoulder to flank, and that because, from want of common sense and judgment in the early part of the day, he had beaten a good horse before it was half over. If this is not cruelty I do not know what is. Depend upon it the man who would be guilty of it towards his horse would be equally the brute to his wife or child. God forbid he should ever have the one or the other ! Let no man tell me that enthusiasm in the chase is an excuse for premeditated and wanton cruelty. I maintain it to be wanton cruelty to butcher a good horse, when the only plea we can produce for so doing is a wish to see more of the end of the run, as if a man could never see another during his life. I can assert from experi- ence and observation and have had no small share of the former, or want of opportunity for the latter in these matters that I never knew one of these real butchering riders in the field who was not a brute in all his relative connections with society. Let it not be supposed that I mean in any way to infer that riding straight to hounds necessarily involves cruelty to a hunter ; quite the contrary. I am perfectly satisfied, and I am sure the best judges in these matters will agree with me, that the man who rides straightest to hounds, generally speaking, distresses his horse the least : he keeps near enough to watch the leading hound, or couple or two of " HOC AGE." 41 hounds, by which he is enabled often to avail himself of sound ground instead of heavy, and perhaps cuts off the whole angle of a fifty or sixty-acre field. If hounds throw up their noses for only half a minute, he can give his horse the full benefit of that half minute ; and half a minute, aye ten seconds, is an age to a horse all but blown. When they hit it off, he is off with them ; they don't gain an inch on him : he has no ground to make up, for he is ready to take his place. Long may he keep it both here arid in his chase through life ! In riding to hounds, I always adopted one plan, which I generally found succeed tolerably well, and for the perusal of very young sportsmen, and still greater snobs than myself, I here offer it as hints to such, but of course to such only. If you wish to see the end of a run, always make your horse your first consideration. I mean by this, that, whatever fences you may have to take, whatever description of ground you may have to ride over, or whatever may be the pace you find it necessary to go r always to the best of your judgment and ability make him do all this with the least possible expenditure of his animal powers and spirits ; and ever keep in mind, that in the beginning of a run you never know where it may end, or how great a proportion of these powers and spirits may be called for. A horse is not like a steam-engine, for which, if you let all the steam off, you can take in fresh coke and water. Young hands are apt to forget this. The moment hounds are put into covert, throw away your cigar, if fancy or fashion has induced you to take one ; and at once pro tern, give all your acquaintance the cut direct, and attend to your business in other words, the hounds. If you are 42 NOW COMES THE TUG OF WAR. in a country you are acquainted with, and consequently know the point a fox generally makes for from this covert, place yourself so as not to prevent his break- ing, but so as to command a view when he does break. If you are in a strange country, cock up your nose, like a deer when uncarted ; ascertain the way the wind comes, and place yourself, as a sailor would say, to leeward of the covert : for, unless a fox has some favourite point to make and he will then often face a hurricane you will generally find you have done right. So soon as you see a couple or two of hounds come out of covert in chase, if you have either viewed the fox or heard a " view-halloo" in that direction, or hear the " Hark-hollow" or " Hark-forward, hark ! " of the huntsman, you may be sure they are right. Lose not a moment : but get up to your hounds. If there is any wind, and that a side one, sink it ; in other words, keep your hounds to windward of you. By this, if in a very enclosed country they should get out of your sight, you will hear them and every halloo of the huntsman : and more than this, the chances are they will come down to you, instead of your having to get to them. And now, supposing hounds to be well settled to their fox, and you, from having attended to your business at the covert side, have a good place, remember every yard you lose your horse will have to recover ; more horses are beat from being obliged to catch hounds than from laying with them. The moment you are over a fence into a field, cast an eye to the one that is to take you out of it : if you see a more practicable part than another, and that not much out of your line, make for it ; make for it at once, as no man who hesitates can ride well to hounds. Keep fast hold of your horse by the head, THE CRISIS. 43 drive your feet well clown in your stirrups, fix your- self, as much as to say " clear it or fall, we go together," and put him at it as straight as a shot. Keep your eye always on the leading hound. If you find him only hesitate, take a pull at your horse : at the slightest check, pull up at once. The moment the scent is again hit, be off as quick as the hounds : in short, lay with them, and sail away as long as you can. If you find your horse getting blown, pull him off his pace ; it is the only chance you have : he will probably shortly recover ; but if you persevere, you will beat him in two fields : when it is u bellows to mend," you must stop to mend them. If he does not recover, you will be sure you did right : he could not have gone on. Go home ; you will save perhaps a really good hunter for another day, and will at all events have the satisfaction of feeling if you have any feeling, which I hope you have that you have not wantonly butchered a willing servant after he had done all that nature allowed him to do for you. A touch of the spurs may be frequently necessary to the best of horses at large fences ; but when a willing good horse comes to that period of distress that he requires the application of them to get him along, it is quite time to leave off for that day. If we only look on our horses as machines, we all know it is quite wonderful what they can be made to do by the whip and spur when in the greatest distress : but the man who could find grati- fication in riding one in this state never ought to be enabled to ride another. If a horse is a good one, he will do all that can be fairly asked of him willingly : if he fails we have either demanded too much of him, or he was perhaps not quite right on the particular day. If a horse frequently tires, sell him at once ; he 44 " MONEY MAKES THE MAKE TO GO. " will do for many other purposes, though no hunter. It would be cruel and useless to punish the poor brute because nature had denied him stamina. If he is a bad unwilling one, sell him also ; his proper place is the wheel of a coach, where the double-thong will teach him he must work as well as his neighbours : he deserves it. This would not be cruelty. Let me most earnestly beg it may be clearly under- stood that the few hints I have here given on riding to hounds are merely intended for young sportsmen, or men who, as I did, consider themselves mounted with five horses. Men who keep fifteen for their own riding can of course take what liberties they like with them, and, having a fresh horse or two out, can, if they think there is any merit in the thing, take the steel out of them in half an hour no diificult matter, let me say. I am, however, not quite sure they could at the finish give a clearer account of the run than their less opulent, and therefore, from necessity, more considerate, brother sportsmen. " Money," the old saying says, " makes the mare to go : " so it does the horse ; but it will not make him go beyond his powers, or longer or better than other men's horses: if it could, poor devils like myself would have no business fox-hunting : but as it will not, " a hunting we will go, will go, a hunting we will go," as long as we can ; at least I will. Having said this much of glorious fox-hunting, as I am writing my crude ideas of what is and what is not cruelty to animals, I now come to hare hunting. Is it not cruel to hunt a poor hare to death ? Certainly it is cruel very cruel, if the term pleases better and in point of fact cruel it is. I always like to see things properly defined. The only answer, I should MEN MAKE THE MONEY GO. 45 perhaps say palliation, to be offered is the one I have before given ; namely, the pleasure it affords to many is an excuse for the pain we inflict on one animal ; for in hare-hunting, the hare only suffers : a horse, if in any condition, cannot, unless he gets his death from cold. If I dare flatter myself that what I write will be read by many, I should feel my ears tingle ; for I should have every hare-hunter on my devoted head. I am no thistle-whipper myself, never was, never had patience for it ; but I am quite free to admit that if a man wishes to really see hunting, he will see more of it in one month with harriers than in ten with fox-hounds, particularly in the present style of fox-hunting. We have become a set of Steeple- chase riders with a fox and hounds before us; but real hunting is over, unless with some "fine old English Gentleman," if he is to be found, who keeps his hounds for hunting's sake, his own amusement, and that of his immediate friends and neighbours. After all, hunting is but an amusement; and whether fol- lowed in one way or the other, if we are amused the end is answered : but if we want to see hunting, or are old-fashioned enough to like the music of hounds, we can get it now only by going with harriers, or getting up in the morning and going cub-hunting. " Hark on the drag I hear," is no more. Display at the " meet " is the first desideratum ; riding in the first flight in the chase, the second. At such a meet, he who, as I have just done, would be bold enough to talk about hounds hunting or the music of hounds, would be considered as great a Goth as the man de- tected in attending to the music of an Opera. Some people of course they must be " people that nobody knows " may say, if you care not about hunting 40 "SOLDIER, SIR." I'M AN OFFICER. or music, why go hunting or to the Opera ? Unen- lightened savages! you might as well ask why the hopeful youth who d s the parade or field-day goes into the Army. Strip the jacket, shako, sabretache, and other accoutrements of their lace make the dress to look like service and service only infandum puer, the Cornet's " occupation's gone " at once : he would quit the Army in disgust. So, let "meets" be at seven instead of eleven, and consequently let a few fashionable men make some other amusement fashionable, Billesdon and Kirby Gate would only boast of perhaps fifty sportsmen : let the boxes at the Opera be so constructed as to render its visitants in- visible, and the stage only to be seen from them, the house would in one month be like " some banquet hall deserted." To suppose men hunt from the love of hunting, frequent the Opera from the love of music, or enter the Army from the love of a soldier's life, are all ideas too monstrous to be entertained by any man who is not a subject for the Hanwell Asylum. Racing I have heard anathematised by men who discourage it as the height of cruelty. This is quite wrong. That there is a certain degree of cruelty practised in this as well as in all the pursuits of sporting men, we must not deny: but I should say, that, generally speaking, less takes place in this than in most sports. Doubtless the labours of the race- horse in full work are great and severe, and a horse under the hands of the Chifneys is pretty sure of getting his full dose of it. But we must recollect he is brought to this by degrees, and when he comes to the post, though he may generally expect severe ex- ertion and sometimes severe punishment, both the one and the other are of very short duration, and the HINTS TO YOUNG JOCKEYS. 47 latter, if a good and willing horse, is only of very rare occurrence. I am quite aware that some horses require "getting along all the way." But this is not punishment, and such horses are but a few among the many ; and I am satisfied many racing men will agree with me that if we could contrive to give most jockeys their whip and spurs when a hundred yards from home, and not till then, it would be all the better ; for I venture to assert, without fear of con- tradiction, that an early application of either loses by far a greater number of races than ever were won by it, and, in more cases than are supposed, produce a shortened instead of a lengthened stride. Experi- enced jockeys know this, and seldom use their whip but as a last resource : young ones, and particularly gentleman jocks, too often make it their first, whether wanted or not. This does make racing cru- elty. I can only say, if I was a race-horse, I would rather be ridden ten races by such men as the Chifneys, Robinsons, Scotts, Days, and many others, severe as they can be, than be ridden once by the generality of gentlemen or ordinary jocks. With the first, I should be certain of not being punished unless I deserved it, or necessity compelled them to it : with the latter, I should be almost sure of it, perhaps a quarter of a mile from home, unless absolutely in front, and indeed sometimes then. If we were always to flog a boy, when he is first put up to ride, if he dared strike his horse when more than half distance from the winning-post, nine times out of ten he would have deserved it, and it would make a jockey of him. As to the gentlemen jocks, if there were ten of them, I should like to flog at least nine before they start merely as a reminder to use more head, more hands, 48 A GODSEND TO THE LEGS. more patience, and less whip during the race. They would improve much under the discipline : but as they would not probably submit to be severely whipped, I suppose their poor horses must. Such men as Lord Howth, General Gilbert, Captain Pettat, Mr. Kent, Mr. White, and some others, are excep- tions : they are of course excluded from my flogging speculation ; but for God's sake give it to scores of others I could name con amore that is, if you can ! This would be justice not cruelty. Steeple-racing is a description of sport for which we are chiefly indebted to Ireland for its introduction here ; and certainly if a medium had been wanting through which robbery could be effected with more impunity and less chance of detection than by any other mode of racing, our debt of obligation to the Sister Isle is very heavy indeed. Racing in the old and legitimate way was, is, and probably ever will be, bad enough in this particular ; but here a good deal of nice tact and contrivance is wanting to bring the thing off without being too glaring ; and even then, detection very often, and suspicion always, follows the perpe- trators. But steeple-racing opens a field to the veriest bungler in the art of gentlemanlike robbery and rascality. How any man in his senses can sport his money on such an event (unless he is one of a gang) strikes me with perfect astonishment, for here all judgment, all knowledge of the relative powers of horses, all calculation on former running is thrown away. The casualties incident to Steeple-racing set all this at defiance, even supposing that all was in- tended (which it seldom or ever is) to be fair. In racing over the course, good judgment will in the long run stand our friend : here the casualties are, in 41) comparison with Steeple-racing, as one to a hundred. Many people imagine that jockeys are constantly paid to lose races ; but this is by no means the case : that it sometimes occurs is doubtless the fact ; but when it does, it is in some leather-plating concern, and among fourth or fifth rate riders, who have no cha- racter to lose ; for in all great races no men are put on any of the horses that are considered as having a chance, but who are, generally speaking, men of prin- ciple and character, and Avho would not lose a race purposely if directed or even bribed to do so. But sup- posing there may be those among such men as would do this, the fact is, it is not left to them to lose. If it is intended their horse shall not win, the race is lost before they mount him. A much surer game is played than trusting to their word that they would lose, or their management to do so : their horse is made so safe that all the jockey ship in the world could not make him win. Thus even here the best judgment is beat by rascality. What chance then has a man betting on a Steeple -race, when the same thing is constantly clone, where all sorts of excuses may be made for the best horse being nowhere, and where, if you do find a jock willing to enter into your plans, he may lose in fifty ways without the slightest suspicion being attached to his conduct, or fault found with his riding ? In Ireland, the Steeple-races were generally about two miles, and there a great portion of the race was seen ; but, as we mercifully always make it four, and sometimes more, at least three miles of it are run out of sight, or at all events at such a distance off that we can just say, " There they go," or " That's them by the wood yonder." Some people tell me, as an excuse for this senseless kind of VOL. I. E 50 " EQUAL TO BOTH, AND ARMED FOR EITHER FIELD." racing, that it encourages the breed of superior horses. Nonsense. Is it to be supposed that any man will ever breed under the idea of winning a Steeple-race ? Are not men of large fortune, who give their hundred, hundred-and-fifties, and two hundred for hunters suf- ficient to encourage the breed of superior horses ? I will tell these persons what Steeple-racing does en- courage. It induces certain men to be always on the look out among breeders, farmers, gentlemen's studs, c., for something they consider to possess first-rate Steeple-racing properties, to buy him at any price, to bring him out, lose a race or two, get heavy odds against him for some good thing, then, much to the sur- prise of most people, win it, win three or four of the best of these good Stakes, and then, when their horse is in the full confidence of their friends and the pub- lic, rob both by again losing of course only by some pretended accidental circumstance. This in no shape alters public opinion as to the horse's capabilities, or his owner's wish to have won. He is again entered for another Stake, goes on well up to the time, never was better or more fit to go. The pot is now put on in good earnest, for this hocussing cannot last for ever with the same horse ; every bet that can be got on is taken : of course he loses, and so does every one but his own party. It will be now said he has a leg, is laid on the shelf till some opportunity is ripe to bring him out again, when, if intended to lose, he is " quite recovered," is "if any thing better than ever;" he goes, and loses : or taking the other tack, he is stated to be regularly stumped up, but his owner is deter- mined to give him one more fly. He now goes, and wins as it suits his party's book. Success and a halter to them! for, to fill the pockets of such a set, are some EST MODUS IN REBUS. 51 of the best horses the world produces sacrificed, and butchered to make them win if wanted to win, and dosed, to save appearances, when intended to lose. If Steeple- racing was merely a race of two or three miles over a fair hunting line of country, it would perhaps be as good an amusement as any other race, with no more suffering to the horses engaged in it, and would in fact be a pretty sight. Why is it always made four, and often more miles ? For this reason : those who make it a profession, and get horses for this express purpose, have by this a better chance of winning. Why are five, six, and seven hundred guineas given for particular horses for this purpose ? Not because they are superior as hunters for a gentleman's riding, but because they possess ex- traordinary qualifications for this purpose : and this purpose is .... what ? sport, or the pleasure of seeing the horse win? Not a bit: win or lose, the purpose is to cheat the public. This the public will say is cruel to them : I say it " serves them right :" they should not bet about these things. I am quite sure of one thing, it is an unnecessary and wanton cruelty to horses, and this does not serve them right. Matches against time is another precious mode of filling the pockets of a set of miscreants robbing the public, and subjecting a noble animal often to suffering and punishment at which humanity shudders. Matches against time might take place without any undue practice of cruelty, if the suffering of the animal was (which it never is) in such cases made any consideration. What he may be able to do with any ordinary suffering is not the calculation at all ; but what eatfra-ordinary suffering and &ztfra-ordi- nary punishment may force him to perform is calcu- E 2 52 CREDAT JUDJEUS. lated upon ; and here it becomes absolute and unqua- lified brutality for brutality I always maintain it to be, where, for the sake of winning money, we subject any animal to such treatment. We are frequently told " the mare was pulled up showing very little symptom of distress :" or " the horse came in quite fresh." Yes, I know what is meant by not " showing symptoms of distress:" it means only that no symp- toms were shown which indicated that death would ensue; and "quite fresh" means that the horse walked to his stable without support, which in such exhibitions is not always the case. To propose or undertake any match against time that it could be supposed any horse, or at all events, a particular horse, could perform with common exertion would in no way answer the purpose of those who make a busi- ness of such things : money could not be got on suffi- cient to make it worth their while : but propose some feat that appears almost impossible, and then the pot can be made to boil. It is true it sometimes boils over : may it ever do so, and may its owners be put in it with a stout lid hermetically sealed ! However, succeed or not, in performing such Matches it rarely occurs that these unnatural exertions are made, and the animal does come in, showing (or at all events feeling) no symptoms of distress. The perpetrators of them justly fear the execration of the public, con- sequently always maintain they were done with ease. I saw the conclusion of a Match about three years ago. A horse known to be in no condition, a cripple, but thorough-bred, was backed to do a gallop-match of seventeen miles within the hour over one of the most hilly and distressing roads (for a turnpike road) England could produce, two miles of which were at LEX TALIONIS. 53 that time newly gravelled in the old way. He won, it is true ; but what a win ! His shoulders, where he had been chiefly spurred, were in a perfect jelly of blood ; his sinews had given way ; the back of his pastern nearly touched the ground on being pulled up ; and it was only by the support of several men that he was kept from falling, and thus got into a stable. To the disgrace of my country, be it said, his rider, who was also his owner, was allowed to re- main with a whole skin. There is certainly a Society for Preventing Cruelty to Animals; but their laud- able exertions are rendered all but useless by the restrictions our feeling Legislature puts on their power. The owner of this horse might have been fined 405. ! What would he care when he made as many hundred by the Match in bets and the match- money ? If he could have been fined double his win- nings, he would be careful in future how he publicly exercised his brutality. I should like to have had him naked as his horse, tied to the pole of a carriage, made a kind of near- side wheeler of for ten miles. I would have taught him the full effects of a drawing- stroke with a double thong, and before I had done with him he should have been a perfect judge of what distress and punishment are to bear. I had locked up the preceding pages in my desk, intending to add a few lines to them at my leisure, nor for months had I given them a thought till the recent Bedford Match of execrable notoriety recalled them to my recollection ; and, singular enough ! I had left off writing after mentioning a Match against time won by the very hero of the Bedford tragedy. I had given my opinion of the Match I had alluded to, and in no very measured terms stated my tender E 3 54 A MEECIFUL MASTER. wishes towards its perpetrator. I had mentioned no name, hoping he would take a lesson from its result, and by following his trade would in future gain a livelihood by more respectable means than acts of premeditated inhumanity. But, as if "he meant to show the reed on which I leant" in forming such hopes of him, the Bedford Match has not been the only one by many in which this same BurTcer of horses has been since engaged, nor is the pony the only one he has killed in his brutal vocation. It has been brought forward, in extenuation of the cruelty of the late Match, that no whip was allowed to be used during its performance. This only makes the thing worse. So, because (as it turned out) the owner knew that such was the game and generous nature of the little animal, that he would go till exhausted nature could do no more rather than feel the whip, his merciless master could sit behind him, witness his sinking efforts, and only stop him .... when ? why, when he found it impossible to win the Match. We are told he had said, "if he found the pony was distressed, he would pull up." He certainly did pull up when he was distressed distressed enough, for he was virtually dying. But, supposing it could have been thought that, distressed as he was, he could have staggered on so as to have won the Match, will any man believe he would have been pulled up ? No, not even those who own the enviable distinction of being classed among Mr. Burke's friends would believe it. There is truly great humanity in stopping, or rather permitting, a wretched animal to stop, when he can go no longer! There is a wide difference between pulling up a horse when he is dis- tressed, and doing it so soon as we find he is so. FACTS ARE STUBBORN THINGS. 55 Was this done here ? No : the pony had been pulled along for miles in the severest distress. It is stated that Mr. Burke valued the pony highly, and was much annoyed at his death. I am quite willing to believe he was so : so he would have been had he lost a 50/. note. That he valued the pony highly was doubtless the case : he valued him, because from his extraordinary powers he had been and still was a source of profit to him : how far beyond this he valued him has been clearly shown he drove him to death ! Then Mr. Somebody-a-Vet talked about con- gestion of the lungs, of overloaded atmosphere, and God knoAvs Avhat : the greatest truism he set forth Avas the very scientific supposition, that had the pony remained in the stable he would not have died. Let me ask, Avhether among the horses that worked the Bedford coach up and doAvn on the same day, any particular mortality took place. I have not heard of any, and rather believe all these horses did their fair day's work, notAvithstanding the state of the atmo- sphere on that clay ; nor do I believe one case of con- gestion of the lungs occurred among the (say) forty horses Avorking the coach up and down. It is worse than nonsense bringing forward such attempted ex- cuses for what will admit of no excuse. Mr. Spring's opinion was then given as to hoAV far he considered the pony as being in a state of distress. Now, by his own showing, it appears he has been present at many matches against time. People are seldom found voluntarily present at exhibitions from Avhich they derive no pleasure : we may therefore fairly con- clude that Mr. Spring does derive pleasure from such Matches, consequently becomes one of the clique. If so, his testimony relative to the humanity of the E 4 56 A BYE-GONE REMINISCENCE. driver, or the distress of the animal, comes before us in a very questionable shape ; for it is just in these matters possible he may allow as great a latitude to his conscience as Mr. Burke himself. I mean no illi- beral insinuation against Spring in a general way by this remark : he keeps a very respectable house, conducts it in a very respectable manner, and, " this present enterprise set off his head," and a participation in similar pursuits, is himself a very respectable man. Thinking thus of him, I would in all good feeling just hint, that attending to his friends and customers, who are always glad to see him, will be to the ad- vantage of them and himself, and attending a little less to Mr. Burke and his pursuits will increase the estimation in which our worthy landlord is held by those who wish him well, or whose estimation is worth having. Reverting to the boast of the pony having been driven without a whip reminds me of an anecdote told of a noted coachman. He was for some reason or other taken off one coach to be put on another : he was told by the late coachman of the latter that no man could get the first team he would have to start with along, or, at all events, u thrashing in a barn was light work to driving them." He made no reply, but contrived to get into the stable during the morning, and unobserved locked himself in with the aforesaid team ; he then took a broomstick, and bela- boured each and all of them, shouting at them at the same time till they would have jumped through the wall, if they could, the moment he spoke to them. This done, he walked quietly out. On the team being put to the coach, they from habit took the thing as coolly as ever; sundry jokes passed on the new coachman; AN E VERY-DAY OCCURRENCE. 57 offers of extra whips, a shoulder to each wheel, and the late coachman presented his successor with a stout ash-wattle by way of an apprentice. Coachee took it all in good part, got on his box, and waited the signal. " Right," cries the guard ; then at one word from the well-remembered voice, to the perfect astonishment of every one* off each horse bolted like a snipe just flushed. The secret afterwards came out. I do not mean to assert that this kind of thing was practised on the pony; but I do say, that a voice that had often been followed by a severe stroke of the whip would have been quite sufficient (as the event proved) for so high spirited an animal. Let me remind my Readers, there is also a way of punishing a horse by his mouth, to get him along - a vile and uncoachmanlike practice, I allow, but sometimes resorted to. If a snatch at (or rather on) a horse's mouth by means of the reins is always followed by a few strokes of the whip, the horse very soon learns that the one is as much a signal to go on as the other; and both being a punishment, he accelerates his speed in both cases to avoid it. Thus we see that driving without a whip is no proof that a horse is not forced to cruel and unnatural exertion if a good f one, and bad ones are never selected for such performances. We are told that Burke on ordinary occasions treats his horses kin.dly. I am not prepared to gainsay this, not being conversant with his general habits; nor ever having had the opportunity of seeing his stable management, should I be justified in giving any opinion of how his horses are treated : in that respect probably very well, as it is his interest to have them at all times prepared in a certain degree for 58 " TO MAKE A WASH WOULD HARDLY STEW A CHILD." any Match occasion may put in his way. I am not representing Mr. Burke as a demon who delights in cruelty for cruelty's sake ; but where his interest is concerned, we have plenty of proof from various results that mercy would plead in vain. I am willing to allow it to be possible that in riding or driving a horse to death he may even experience some feelings of compunction ; but it is a very poor excuse for the murderer that he is very sorry to cut our throats while he perseveres in doing so to gain our money ; nor is it any excuse for this man that he feels sorry to torture a generous animal, while he does so merely from his accursed cupidity. That any man can be found to publicly or privately encourage him is a disgrace to human nature. When I say him, I mean his pursuits: I war not with the man, but with his disgusting and various cruelties. Above all other men, every true sportsman should set his face against them, and raise his voice to cry them down. We have quite enough to do to defend ourselves and our cause against the clamour that a set of twaddlers often raise against both. In the name of Sporting, then, let us not give them so fair a handle to lay hold of as detecting us in tolerating, much less in coun- tenancing, useless and revolting barbarities. I remember seeing when a boy, on Hindhead Hill on the road to Portsmouth, a stone placed by the road side, and engraved on . it were nearly these words : "In detestation of a barbarous murder committed on the body of an unknown sailor." I should like to see a similar stone put up somewhere on the Derby road, by subscription, stating it to be " In execration of a cruel Match against time that took place on this road, 1844, when one of the best "FORBID IT, HEAVEN, THE HERMIT CRIED." 59 little animals of his day was driven to death by his inhuman master." It would be a lasting testimony of the good feelings of the inhabitants of the differ- ent towns, and prevent at least their road from ever being disgraced in future by such exhibitions; for twist it as you will, palliate it as you will, a most disgraceful and brutish exhibition it was, so, as Fal- staff says, " there's an end of it." That the degree of distress horses undergo in Matches against time is not always commensurate with the greatness of the undertaking is quite clear. What would be merely a good long breathing gallop to one horse, would be great distress to another. Speed, stamina, and condition, or, vice versa, the want of them, must always cause this. That such horses as Vivian, Lottery, The Nun, and many others of this class could, when in proper form, do a gallop Match of twenty miles within the hour with really very little distress, I ain quite willing to admit ; but such horses are not put to such things. First, they are too valuable to be risked at it for only perhaps a hundred ; and secondly, no money could be got on in such a Match, for who would bet against them ? If the owner of The Nun sold so game and good an animal, and she changed and changed hands till infirmity brought her value to fifty pounds, then she would be caught up in a moment by some of these Match-making gangs : then a bet would be made to do some feat that only extraordinary lasting qualities and game could accomplish ; and then even on three legs no one knows what an animal like her, who will go under the whip, as she has often done, might not be made to accomplish : but would not any one worthy the name of man shudder at such an ex- 60 CHAQUE PAYS, CHAQUE MODE. hibition, and at such monsters as the instigators and encouragers of it? Yet such scenes do constantly take place, and, what is more, the owner of the win- ner is often cheered and lauded as if he had really performed some meritorious and heroic action ! I have personally been accused by ladies of showing a disposition to cruelty, and even barbarity, because I have occasionally gone to see a prize-fight. This they naturally consider as a most horrid exhibition : long may my fair countrywomen continue to think so ! It is the natural result of the tenderness of woman's nature. The dark-eyed daughters of An- dalusia tell you, Quen no ha visto Sevilla no ha visto maravilla : so they say also of a bull fight. Now though few men who have seen such eyes have escaped their influence, however fascinating their truly lovely owners may be, their bare endurance, without their praises of a bull fight, would be a damper to the feelings of an Englishman in selecting them as wives. I therefore glory in the indignant glances called forth from Englishwomen at the bare mention of a fight. That two gluttons after an hour's fighting are by no means pleasing objects to look upon is quite clear ; but I fully maintain that cruelty has nothing on earth to do here, nor can I consider it follows that men who witness it have any cruelty in their disposition. If an unfortunate wretch was condemned to be beaten to death, or nearly so, as a punishment by an executioner, I grant the man must be worse than brutish who could derive any gratification in witnessing so revolting a spectacle : but if two men prefer fighting as a mode of making money to any other, who has a right to interfere in their selection of occupation ? Chacun a DEEDS OF AEMS. Gl son gout; they have theirs ; they have a right to have it : in fact, the cruelty would be in preventing their enjoying it. If two men, earning (which many of them can and some do) a comfortable living by other occupations, choose to quit them for two months while in training to fight, it is natural to conclude they prefer making money by this to their regular business. Why balk their inclinations ? I do not see that they hurt any one but each other. I only wish, as Paddy would say, " they may both win," and as they so often " wisit the witling office in the ring," I hope when they do so at home they will find it well stored for themselves and their friends. I really hope my feelings are not more callous than those of my neighbours ; but I confess in witnessing a prize fight, I admire the attitudes and tactics of the men, though, so far as they are concerned, 1 feel no more for them than I should for two crocodiles fighting on the banks of the Nile. If some unfortunate fellow, who had no other means of getting food for himself and family, was induced to enter the prize ring to obtain those means, he would be an object of admira- tion and interest. I should feel every blow he got, and warmly wish him success : but if such men as Hammer Lane or Johnny Broome (two very respect- able men in their way) chose to quit, the one his trade, the other his home, to fight, I can only say, if they both got a sound drubbing, they would get no pity from me ; and, to do them both justice, they would neither care about the drubbing one farthing, provided they won the fight for themselves and friends ; and this they certainly would do, if they could under any circumstances. In short, speaking of prize fights in a general way, if two fools by choice stand up to 62 MOST REVEREND, GRAVE, AND POTENT SIGNORS. be knocked to pieces, it really would be an infringe- ment on the boasted liberty of the subject to prevent them. I leave it to abler controversialists than I to decide how far in a national point of view the Ring may have a prejudicial or beneficial effect on the conduct of the lower classes. I believe, as we are told in I forget the play " much may be said on both sides." I am no casuist ; but really when men from inclination place themselves in a situation where they are certain to get more or less of a sound thrashing even if they win, we have a right to infer that all in all they like the thing, and I think I deserve the approval rather than the censure of ladies for my philanthropic feelings in going to see such men enjoy themselves. Bull-baiting, dog-fighting, bear and badger baiting, are all in themselves such atrocious acts of useless and wanton barbarity, that they have been at last put a stop to ; that is, if attempted in public. I should, however, be extremely sorry to be guilty of so glaring an act of injustice as to accuse our Legislature of having interfered with these gentlemanlike amuse- ments from any feelings of kindness or mercy towards the animals engaged in them ; for let any person from motives of humanity propose any act or any new law that has for its purpose the mere protection of animals from oppression and cruelty, his proposi- tion will be certain to be met with not only neglect but ridicule and contempt : the collecting a crowd of idle persons together in the public highways, or on another's lands, is what is objected to; and this would be objected to if the same crowd collected to see half a dozen dogs, bears, or badgers eating calf 's foot jelly. The proposal to extend the prevention of dogs being "l WOULD NOT CURSE A DOG THUS." G3 used to carts in the country was at once cried down. If it was absolutely necessary to put a stop to the system in London, it certainly must have been con- sidered a nuisance there, and a dangerous one. Now there might be perhaps more danger and nuisance occasioned by their use in London than elsewhere ; but certainly not to that extended degree as to make it advisable to prevent it there, and leave such densely populated towns as Bristol, Manchester, Liverpool, Birmingham, and many others, subject to nearly the same dangers and annoyances. If compassion to the animal, and to save him from ill-usage, bore any part in the consideration of those who stopped the system which I do not believe it did there is no more reason an animal should be ill used in one place than in another. If it was thought it brought on canine madness, the inhabitants of such towns as I have mentioned can never be grateful enough for being left to its effects ! A dog tied under a cart can be very little if any more nuisance in London than in any other town. If drawing carts or waggons they are likely to cause horses to start in London or in any town, they are much more likely to do so in the country ; for whoever knows any thing about horses knows that the same objects that he passes without in any way noticing them in crowded streets will make him fly out of the road in the country. Let ten horses on a country road meet two dogs running along in a rattling cart or waggon with some great hulking monster riding in it, I will venture to say nine out of the ten start and are really frightened by its unusual appearance. It was stated by a sapient and merciful Member, that dogs drawing enable many men to get a living by carrying small goods about 64 ACTEON'S FATE TO THEM. for sale : it may enable a few to do this, but I know what it also does it enables a set of idle, dissolute fellows to get about the country by this ostensible way of living, but whose real living is by thieving, house- breaking, and perhaps worse. I should mention another very desirable benefit the public gains by dogs drawing in the country; it enables all the thimble-rig gentry and pickpockets to get about much more readily than they could before their use, and to escape punishment for their robberies by their dogs affording them the means of immediate flight. You may see one of these scoundrels at a race this morning, and by travelling all night he will force his unfortu- nate dogs to take him fifty miles to another, where he commences operations the next morning. A case was instanced of deformed or crippled objects who get about the country by means of their dogs; this is brought forward as a strong plea in favour of their use being allowed, when in fact it is a strong plea for their being put down. Such objects have no business going about the country at all : they should be taken care of and kept out of sight. It is perfectly well known the truly awful effects frequently produced under certain circumstances by women meeting such objects. If such deformities are not allowed to exhibit themselves to alarm or disgust the Aristocracy in Belgrave Square, why is the humbler but equally estimable female inhabitant of other towns and places to be alarmed and shocked by their appearance ? That nearly all the dog-cart travelling fellows are thieves is an indisputable fact. There is a fellow goes from a town I often visit; he is known by the police to be a reputed thief and house-breaker, but has hitherto escaped detection. He leaves this town on a Monday ; INDUSTRY AND ECONOMY COMMENDABLE. (>, r ) by the Saturday he generally returns with about a sack of bones, by the collecting of which he pretends to live. It would certainly be a great cruelty to prevent so industrious and self-denying a man from earning an honest livelihood, for the profit on a sack of bones is not much to support a very hale man, his wife, children, and two dogs ! The fact is, if he is concerned in a burglary or robbery, we will say at Hungerford in Berkshire, at one o'clock on Tuesday morning, by seven or eight o'clock the same morning he is seen with his jaded dogs and a bushel of bones in the streets of Northampton, forty miles off, and directly across the country. This is one of the in- dustrious lot who would be deprived of their bread by putting down the dog- cart trade ! We are told that men are assisted greatly by dogs in their labours by mutually drawing, or rather by one shoving, the other drawing, a cart or barrow ; that they divide the labour ! Yes, they do divide it, as you may a walnut eat the kernel yourself, and give your partner the shells. The way the labour is generally divided is this : the dog not only draws the cart, but assists the two-legged beast along, who holds on by the handles ; and when exhausted by this, he (not the man, I wish he was,) is visited from time to time with the applica- tion of constant kicks, within the reach of which you will always find the dog fastened. A degree of sophistry was used to show, or rather an assertion was made by some one, that a man would not ill-use a dog more than a horse, for his own interest's sake. This is real sophistry. In the first place, a man may very much ill-use a horse, and find his interest in so doing in a pecuniary point of view. For instance : a wretched ill-fed over-worked VOL. i. F 66 CALCULATION. animal will drag coals about a street for a very long time before he sinks under his sufferings, and as probably his cost price was 30s., his loss, if he does die, is not very great. The saving of 5s. a- week in his keep pays for him in six weeks, whereas he pro- bably will last twenty ; so here, by half-starving and over-working him, we find the owner has made 5/. ; and deducting the 30.5. first cost, he clears 31. 10s. ; and so he will by his next purchase. But the poor dog has a much worse chance : he is probably bought for half-a -crown, or more probably stolen ; so all that is got out of him is nearly clear gain. How, there- fore, those who voted for a continuance of this system reconcile it to their feelings, either of humanity to the animal, or justice to that part of the community who reside in provincial towns or the country, appears to me as incomprehensible. They certainly do not trouble themselves much in considering what is and what is not cruelty. I have stated, that all public exhibitions of bull, bear, badger, and dog-fighting were put a stop to : but I believe still, if a man chose to bait his own bull in his own barn, to whatever extent he might carry the barbarity of the thing, a trifling fine, if the Society for Preventing Cruelty happened to hear of it, would be his only punishment : the legislature might say, " A man may do as he pleases in his own premises : we must not interfere with the liberty of the subject!" What glorious liberty to be allowed to torture an animal as much as I please provided I pay 40s. ! "Not interfere with the liberty of the subject ! " "A man has a right to choose his pursuits in his own premises ! " I should like to know, if my pursuit was having a private still on my TOUCH NOT THE LORD'S ANOINTED. 67 premises, how long I should be suffered to enjoy my pursuit. I rather think Mr. Smell wash the Excise- man would very soon teach me how far the liberty of the subject would avail me; but by this certain duties to the Excise would be lost by baiting a bull, none! There can be no doubt but the Society for the Suppression of Cruelty has had this good effect it has in a very great measure prevented the exhibition of it in the public streets ; but the punishment they are permitted to inflict is so trifling that the desired end is not attained to one half the extent it might be. I trust every one will allow that the sufferings of animals in performing the ordinary tasks demanded of them are quite sufficient, without subjecting them to an extra, and unnecessary share of them. I have endeavoured in a few cases to show what is and what is not cruelty towards them. I leave it in abler hands to decide on what would be the most ready, effective, and lasting mode of preventing or punishing what really is cruelty. 68 OBSERVATIONS ON DRIVING. " Sunt quos curriculo." ON nearly every art or science practised by man there have been instructions, treatises, opinions, criticisms, and I know not what, repeatedly published, from the highly intellectual study of astronomy to the more manual art of making a horse- shoe. Nothing scarcely has been thought too insignificant to fix the attention and call forth the written opinions of those conversant with their subject. Horsemanship has produced writers on that art of a very early date, varying their instructions and terms used according to the age in which they lived and wrote ; but I am not aware that any really good instructions in the art of driving have yet appeared. NIMROD, it is true, has given us his illustrations of the Road in the pages of MAG A, and in a most masterly and scientific way has he handled his subject : on what subject, it may be asked, has he ever failed to do so ? But his observations relate only to coaching, of the perfection of which those who live in the next century will, I fear, have about as vague an idea as we have as yet of the merits of the new aerial flying smoke-jack. Why driving should have been hitherto considered less worthy of attention as a subject to be written on than horsemanship I cannot imagine. That the former should be done well, if done at all, I consider of the much greater import- ance. If a man rides, he rides alone, since the days of NE SUTOH ULTRA CKEPIDAM. 69 pillions are gone by, and has most unquestionably a right to break his neck if he pleases : but if I am driven by another, he certainly has no right to break mine. Poor Mytton thought otherwise ; but it is not every one who charges gates in tandems. In these money-saving days, where, so long as there are six inches square of room in a vehicle, some one must be accommodated, sundry great and little necks are, in private as well as public carriages, entrusted to the care of some one. Surely then this some one, be it papa or his subordinate, ought to know not merely something, but all about his undertaking. Now it most unfortunately happens for the drived, that the driver almost universally considers that he does know all about it ; and hence the frequent occasions on which Mr. Swiggins, Mrs. Swiggins, a friend or two, and half-a-dozen little Swigginses, find themselves on the road, but not in the carriage ; and all pro- bably because the Elder Junior Mr. Swiggins would, as he termed it, "handle the ribbons," an occu- pation for which I am willing to give him credit in another meaning of the expression to be fully competent to, but handling silk ribbons and leather ones are not quite the same thing. The letting his ribbon at home get under his foot, and his ribbon abroad get under his horse's tail, may probably lead to very different results ; and the " Well, I never," ejaculated by a pretty shop-girl at Mr. Swiggins's inadvertence in the shop, is a somewhat different hint to that of a pair of horses' heels within an inch of his nose at the inadvertence of Mr. Swiggins in his coachman's seat. Monomania has become, I believe, the ruling term to designate a person being sane on all points but F 3 70 CHACUN A SON METIER. one. Now if a perversity and fallacy of idea on a particular point constitutes monomania, most certainly nine men out of ten who drive are labouring under this infirmity ; for they all consider themselves fully competent to the task they undertake. It is singular enough, that though hundreds of men who ride on horseback quite willingly allow they are very in- different horsemen, you will rarely find a man who drives a gig that does not conceive he does it as well as it can be done, or who for one moment thinks he is in danger from his ignorance. No doubt there is no great exertion of art required to sit in a gig, hold the reins, and guide a steady horse the way you wish him to go ; but even in this humble attempt at coachmanship, the way it is done would, to a practised eye, at once show, that, while one man would be capable of greater things, another in fact was not capable of the little he did attempt. It is true a man may drive one horse well, but be by no means a pair-horse coachman : the latter may also drive his pair well, but be quite astray with four : but whether with one horse, a pair, a unicorn, or regular team before him, the coachman is to be detected at once : his manner of taking up his reins and seating himself would be quite sufficient for the purpose. Of this our friend Mr. Swiggins could not be convinced by all the men in Europe : he can drive as fast as any man (such men mostly do) : he has no fear of turning a corner at the rate of fourteen miles an hour (such men never have) : he gets off safe for a time ; hits the swing-bar of the leader of some coach in so doing, turns round, and smiles, while that smile says, as plain as a smile can say, " Ain't I doing it ?" Now, though I consider that it takes a much longer LOTTERIES AND " SIMPLE" FACTS. 71 time to make a man what I call a coachman than it does to make a horseman, there can be no doubt but there are numberless men who ride on horseback, and who can drive a horse, a pair, or four, who could not ride a steeple-race. This arises from the want of practising the latter; and the probable reason why so few men, comparatively, do practise it is that they would be frightened to death to attempt it. Now, our not-yet-to-be-forgotten friend Swiggins, Junior, might guide, I do not say drive, a pair of horses somehow ; put him on Lottery, and, fine-tempered animal as he is, and easy as he is to sit upon, let him take one of his five-arid-twenty feet swings, depend upon it Swiggins would not be in his saddle on landing ; or place him on Peter Simple, and set him going, he would take him faster and further from papa and mamma than ever the hopes of the family went before so, in truth, he would many a better man. This in no way militates against or disproves my opinion, that it requires more time and experience to make a coachman than a horseman. To bring a coach up from Brighton to the centre of London in the time and in the style that for so many years Snow did, is at- tended with a little more difficulty than people gene- rally imagine ; and to steer a horse, and he perhaps an uncertain one, four miles across country as Oliver can, comes within the scope of but few men's capabilities. In stating two particular names, I beg to- exculpate myself from any charge of being thought in any way as lessening the merit of others who follow the same pursuits, whether as coachmen or steeple-race riders. In each capacity there are a few first-rate artists, all of whom, upon the whole, may be one as good as the other. Some may in a par- F 4 72 SUAVITER IN MODO, FORTITER IN RE. ticular point perhaps excel, while in another they fall short : but, taking them all in all, it would be very difficult if not impossible, and certainly invidious, to give the preference to any one among the truly excellent. One coachman will hustle along a heavy lazy team that another equally good can scarcely keep his time with : but give a team of regular larking fly-away devils to the latter, he will keep them to- gether, in temper and pace, better than the former, who would perhaps be too rude with them. He could drive all sorts ; so they both could, but neither of them all sorts equally well. So in riding, one man excels on a light-mouthed nervous fidgety horse ; he will coax him across country and prevent his taking too much out of himself. This can only be done by sitting quite still on him, having fine delicate hands, patience, and temper that nothing can disturb. Another shines on a violent restive determined horse : here a man must have a seat firm as a Centaur, arms and shoulders of cast-iron, and resolution and courage that nothing can daunt. He must also keep his temper, or, what is bad to begin with, he will ren- der quite unmanageable before his business is done. Temper is also a sine qua non in a coachman ; it is even more necessary than in a horseman, for the sake of others. An irritated horse bolts off with his rider, or throws him, or both ; he alone pays the penalty of his fault : but an irritated horse in harness, particu- larly in light private carriages, is perfectly awful. AVe may and can manage him as wheeler to a coach ; the weight and his companions will hold him : but in a light carriage, let me tell very young coachmen who may think they are in little danger, that no man living can hold two horses determined to run away ; and as to four all in the same mind, they are no " IT IS AN HONOUR THAT I DKEAMT NOT OF. V3 more to be held than a locomotive engine, for which reason we should never get their steam up too high. Having got thus far in the Observations on Driving, I must now do what I ought to have done at the commencement ; that is, show my motive for com- mencing at all: I have sometimes indulged in the habit of snatching up my pen, scribbling a few sheets of paper, and then beginning to make choice of a subject to write upon. I have not, however, in this instance been quite as remiss as I often am, for I really had a fixed motive in commencing my first line. It was neither more nor less than this I consider a regular treatise on driving, in its general sense of the word, would be a work of great utility; and all I intend or hope to do by the few pages I propose to write on the subject is to show that driving is not quite comprehended in sitting behind a horse, or given number of horses, with the reins in the driver's hand, and trusting to Providence and good luck for getting along in safety by so doing. My hope is to induce some competent person to publish a work of the description to which I allude. I do not mean a mere theoretical author, but one who, from practice and experience, is acquainted with all the minutiae; of the business that constitutes the finished coachman. I have been generally accounted in my own person a very tolerable waggoner ; but I am de- terred from attempting a work of the kind myself, from having just sense enough to be aware that if I could drive four horses about four times as well as I can, I could point out many others who would then be four times as good coachmen as myself, though I have handled some very rum ones in private and public carriages, have met with my accidents 74 " KNOW THYSELF." " in field and flood," and yet on the road have always (thank my luck) kept my coach upright. I have been also thought as a horseman no despicable work- man across any practicable country, and, mirabile dictu, have won two out of three of the only races across country I ever rode. Now this has just given me sufficient knowledge of the thing to determine, that had I a horse to go to-morrow, and I was allowed to ride him at 11 st., if I had the alternative of putting Powell, or Oliver, and some others, on him at 12st. 7lb., unless I was determined to lose my money I would solicit either of them to ride him at the addi- tional weight ; and yet I know what weight does or rather undoes. " A little knowledge is a dangerous thing." I really flatter myself I possess comparatively a good deal in these matters 5 yet this teaches me that I do not know quite half enough, and also that many who profess a great deal really know nothing at all. If a man from inclination or circumstances is des- tined to drive only one description of vehicle and one description of horse, it would be sufficient for his purpose that he drives that vehicle well and safely. The private servant who drives a Brougham, or a Clarence, or any description of one-horse carriage, may do very well for this, and doubtless flatters him- self he could do very well for any other description of coachmanship: he would, however, find himself, or at all events others would find him, wofully de- ceived if put to the test. The different description of knowledge and practice required in driving different descriptions of carriages, different descriptions of horses, and those in different descriptions of situation, is much more varied than people are apt to imagine. The finished coachman can certainly drive any thing, A REAL DEVIL, A HEAL COACHMAN. 75 and well, but he will not nor cannot drive every thing equally well. If the once-celebrated Dick Vaughan, better known as " Hell-fire Dick," could rise from his tomb, though he was generally accommodated with teams that no one but himself would drive, made up of as great devils in their way as poor Dick was in his, he could no more get the Duchess of Buccleuch's carriage up to the Opera-door on a crowded night as Her Grace's coachman can, than he could fly ; and give the other four of Dick's queer ones to handle, he would very soon, as Dick would say, " begin to look nine ways for Sunday." There can be no doubt but the stage-coachman requires, and fortunately acquires, generally speaking, more diversified knowledge in coachmanship than any other votary of the whip in existence, particularly if driving sixty or seventy miles across a country. Here he will have perhaps nine or ten teams to drive, to learn and manage the tempers of from forty to fifty different horses, inde- pendent of as many changes of those horses as lame- ness, illness, accidents, and various other circumstances may from time to time render necessary, and how to get over all sorts of ground, with the greatest advan- tage as to time, the ease of his horses, and the safety of his passengers clearly showing that driving the same vehicle, I mean here a coach, in different situ- ations and under different circumstances, requires quite different management. I will instance a fact that came under my immediate observation. A coachman, whom I will not name further than by saying that he was considered a capital whip (and so he was in the situation he had held for many years) drove from a country-place to Holborn, twenty-two miles, and back in the evening, over a 76 " LEAVE WELL ALONE. perfectly flat road, and his time was three hours and a quarter. He was well horsed, and his stock, as they well might be, fat as pigs. He had driven several of them for many years, and so he might at the pace : in fact, unless they died from their age or fat, they had nothing else to kill them. He was removed from this road to another to drive an oppo- sition, and here the case was widely different, and bad was the judgment that changed his situation. He had now to drive light horses over fifty miles of diversified country, great part of it hilly, the time specified by both coaches being ten miles and a half an hour including stoppages. What was the con- sequence ? In a few weeks, his stock, that he took to in fine condition, were torn to pieces ; he was out of his place, in a hunting phrase out of his line of country ; was no judge of pace ; was himself and had his horses all abroad, and was forced to be put back on his old coach, where his horses, which had during this time been driven by quite a young hand, were very glad to see him : so were his passengers, his horse-keepers, his neighbours, and every one on the road, for a more superior well-conducted man never lived : he was a man of that cast of mind and manners that falls to the lot of few men in his situation. Nothing can certainly be prettier than to see a coach going over Smitham Bottom, or any other similar piece of choice ground, at the rate of fifteen miles an hour, with four nearly thorough-bred horses, careering along and playing with each other, all above their work, before a pet coach, the coachman with a cigar in his mouth and nothing to do but to hold them. Some beautiful specimens of coach- horses and coachmanship have been seen along that TWADDLERS. 7 < line, I should say more so on the whole than on any other road in England : but Smitham Bottom does not last for ever, nor do the exuberant spirits of horses ; and the team that requires a strong hand to hold them for seven miles sometimes wants a little tying up during the last two or three, if against collar, good as they may be. Various have been the complaints made against coachmen for what in a city or legal phrase is termed *' furious driving," and as many have been fulminated against coach-owners for employing such homicidal coachmen : but let me tell these originators of such complaints, that they know nothing at all about the matter of which they are complaining; that their twaddle is all nonsense, their animadversions in- justice, and the wisest thing they can do is to hold their tongue, and in future travel in an invalid chair, or, as an old aunt of mine once actually did, to the ridicule of the rest of her family, wend their way from London to Finchley in a sedan. A coach-owner advertises and engages to set down his passengers a hundred miles from a given place in ten hours. Now those persons who expect this to be done by horses trotting the whole distance at a good fair pace know nothing about the thing, and have no business in a fast coach. The coach-owner does not guarantee or promise to set you down safely at your destination (nor do they now do so by the smoke con- veyance), he only engages to use every means in his power to do so, and, comparatively, very few accidents occur. But whoever knows any thing of coaching or driving must know, that to do 100 miles at ten miles an hour, and that including stoppages, part of the road must be done at six, the majority of it at twelve, 78 VENTRE A TERRE. and many parts of it at fifteen miles an hour. This is the furious driving complained of. If the coach- proprietor fails in fulfilling his contract with the public, he is considered as having imposed upon them, and here is a source of complaint. People like the shortness of time occupied in travelling, are anxious to get to their journey's end, but want this to be done without inconvenience or any risk. The ladies would wish to have time to arrange their curls every time the coach changes horses ; the gentlemen to sip their Sherry or Claret after dinner, and then not to be hurried in arranging their curls or cravats, and all this to be taken out of the ten hours independent of no galloping allowed. Talking of galloping, this is a thing little understood among the uninitiated : people are apt to imagine, because all four horses are galloping, that the coach must be going at a dangerous and quite unlawful rate. Such persons, I suspect, have never ridden umpire to a trotting-match ; if they had, they would have found that even a moderate trotter would keep their horse to a fair hunting gallop ; and it by no means follows, because horses are galloping, that they are going faster than they would were they all fast in their trot. But it is difficult to get four horses to trot fast together; whereas put them in a gallop, they can all be made to do their equal portion of work, though they pro- bably do not exceed eleven or twelve miles an hour. I am, in a limited sense of the word, a great advo- cate for a little galloping where a fast pace is required. I know that, so far from its distressing horses, it greatly relieves them if judiciously done and over proper ground. It would not have done in former days when seven miles an hour was held to be fast, EXrERIENTlA DOCET. 7<) for the horses then employed were not generally a galloping sort : but now-a-days no horse is fit for fast harness work who is not ; consequently, that pace is as natural to him as the trot. He gains relief by change of pace : either in trotting or galloping, nearly all the tendons and muscles of the animal are more or less at work; but in each pace the strain is greater in some than in the others. By change of pace, the points that have been the most strained on are relieved, and others more directly called into action. This produces something like the relief a man finds from changing his burthen from one shoulder to the other : he does not of course get rid of any portion of the labour, but the fatigued muscles are enabled to recover their tone and energy. There is another reason why I am confident that a little galloping, or, in road phrase, " springing 'em a bit," is a relief, even should the pace be accelerated by it. Pace of any sort becomes distressing when that pace is forced to its utmost speed. A man compelled to walk six miles within the hour is much distressed : allow him to vary his pace, that is, run a portion of the distance, he will do the six miles with very little effort. Upon the same principle, the horse will do his ten miles in forty minutes comparatively with ease if allowed to gallop a portion of the 'distance. The rate of fifteen miles an hour in a trot will keep the tendons and muscles of a very fast horse to nearly their utmost tension ; whereas the same rate in a gallop, not being any thing like what they are in that pace capable of, leaves them comparatively at ease. Take a child by the hand, and walk at such a pace as to enable him at his best walk to keep up with you, you will very soon find the little fellow begin to run. 80 A YOUNG JOCK AND AN OLD PHENOMENON. The fact is, he cannot walk at the rate of three miles an hour without putting his muscles to their utmost stretch : he would tire at the pace in a walk in a quarter of a mile ; whereas he will trot along cheer- fully at an increased rate of going, and gambol before you into the bargain. Eeasoning by analogy, the horse finds out the same thing, and this so often induces him voluntarily to endeavour to canter in harness. In my humble opinion, trotters much oftener rise in their trot from distress than people fancy, who are apt to impute their doing so to im- patience. It may be in one sense of the word from this feeling, but it is not from impatience to go faster ; for, probably from habit, such horses as Dutchman, Confidence, Wanky, and many others, can trot a mile nearly as fast as they could gallop it : it is impatience under the aches and pains they feel in their limbs and muscles from having been kept at their top speed for a length of time, which they try to ease by breaking into a change. It is difficult to get some irritable horses to settle to the trot at first, and im- patience of temper causes this : but when old prac- tised horses, such as I have mentioned, after having settled to their pace, do rise, I am quite satisfied it generally arises from the cause I mention. I may be wrong : but such has ever been my opinion. As some proof of this, when quite a young boy I was put on old Phenomenon, whose owner assured a gentleman present that, from practice in her trot, and never being allowed to be cantered or galloped, she positively could trot at a greater rate of speed than she could gallop. Whether this was the case or not I cannot say, but I will state what occurred ; the reader will then draw what inference HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF A MILE. 81 he pleases from the result. I was desired to take her half a mile up the road, to turn, and, as well as the short distance would permit, to get her up to her top speed in her trot ; then to get her into a gallop (which I did with difficulty), to her best in that pace ; and then to strike her three or four times with the whip. I did so ; and from her gallop, as quickly as she could, she actually did change to her trot, and so far as I could judge she went faster than in her gallop : she ought to have been a pretty good judge of her own powers at that time, for I believe she was eighteen years old, at least so I understood. Now, though I plead guilty to being an advocate for a little galloping in harness, I do not mean that sort of scrambling harum-scarum driving I have sometimes seen, where, like the general representations of the steeds of the Sun, each horse appears to go his own way ; and, as if ten miles were not long enough, they are made thirteen, the track of the wheels on the road leaving a very correct drawing of the worm of a corkscrew. Such a driver should never be given but one description of carriage, and that is a wheel- barrow. We certainly hear of accidents occurring fre- quently enough: God knows it appears quite mira- culous to me that they do not occur much more frequently than they do, when I see the number of persons undertaking to drive, who, take their horse or horses from the carriage they draw, could positively no more put them into it again properly than a dog- ribbed Indian could put together a Chinese puzzle. To show that I by no means exaggerate the probability of this case, I will mention an instance or two corro- VOL. I. G 82 AN ESCAPE. borative of the fact. I once saw a gentleman driving three ladies in a phaeton with a very fine horse, who was performing sundry and various antics, pretty enough in themselves, but by no means desirable in a low phaeton. The gentleman, little as he knew about the matter, knew enough to find out, that something was wrong: he stopped, got out, examined the horse and harness, was quite satisfied all was right, so got in again ; but on starting again he got his carriage on the dead lock, so, had the horse gone two yards further in the same direction, as a matter of course over they would all have toddled. Out, very wisely, bolted my gentleman again, and, still more wisely, stood at the horse's head till some one came up. This some one happened to be myself, whose assistance was earnestly requested. He could in no way account for the conduct of the horse, that had taken them very quietly to an old lady's house where they had dined close by : he thought it quite extraordinary ; I did not. It appears, he had on his return put the horse into the phaeton himself, had passed the traces through the back band tugs, which he thought were intended only for that purpose, had carefully buckled the belly band, leaving the shafts outside the whole: these he had supported by the breeching hip-straps only, and in this way intended to get home safely over eight miles of a hilly road. I put him to rights ; the horse, luckily a very fine- tempered one, went off quietly, and I trust the party got home safely. Now, after all, I will be bound these ladies would again trust themselves to the gentleman, and he would again undertake the driving them. My next gentleman I met driving a phaeton also, A PAGE. 83 with a pair of queerish ill-matched cobs, and a page covered with buttons by his side. They were travel- ling along quietly enough, but I saw something was wrong, as each cob seemed by the turn of his head as if he was intently looking for something in the hedge on his own side of the road. Before they quite came up to me, I had discovered the occasion of this, and as there were ladies in the carriage, I took the liberty of stopping the turn-out, and asked the gentleman if he considered the way in which his reins were buckled to his bits as advantageous? in which case, I of course should bow to his superior judgment. " He was not aware of any peculiarity in their application ! " This was enough. I altered them. The fact was, instead of crossing his coupling reins, he had applied each to its own side ; so of course his horses' heads were pulled into the position of the flukes of an anchor. I had not quite done with him yet ; for finding his traces not drawing quite in the usual line, I found he had passed them through the hip-straps of his breeching, the cobs half carrying the fore-car- riage of the phaeton on their rumps, and of course tightening the pole-pieces, so they were kept to- gether as lovingly as possible, so far as their bodies went ; their necks and heads, however, being in the direction above described. After altering this also, I took my leave ; my friend did the same, very coolly. I am quite confident he thought the alteration of no earthly consequence, and probably considered me an impertinent fellow for my interference. I puzzled myself all the way home as to who my friend might be, and how his horses got put together in such a novel manner : but it was of no use ; I could come to no conclusion on the subject. Having occasion some G 2 84 DENTRIFUGAL COACHMANSHIP. months after to get something done to a tooth, I went to a neighbouring town, knocked at the door of a dentist, when who should open it but the page of buttons innumerable, and of course in the operator I saw my friend, the master of the cobs. I then learned he kept them at livery, had on the day I met him been to a pic-nic, and then with the valuable assist- ance of the page, had put his cobs to in the novel way I have mentioned, which, par excellence, we will call the dentrifugal plan. Friend the third appears in the person of an acquaintance who called on me one morning in a very neat phaeton, quite a George the Fourth, a very aristocratic-looking galloway, and a set of harness which he considered perhaps in equally good taste. Oh, ye Dryads and ye Fauns, what a set of harness ! the near side of an old plated double set ! I inquired into the origin of this incongruous amalgamation, and found that the phaeton was a present, the galloway had been purchased at ten sovereigns as perfectly sound (worth forty if he had been so), and the harness, literally covered with plated ornaments, he had bought at a sale for two pounds the double set, very economically thinking, that, as the set was a dead bargain, and, as he thought, would do equally well for two horses in one way as in another, he might sell the one so as to get the other for nothing for his own use : but he unfortunately found, that although the silvered ornaments destined for each horse to carry would load a hand-cart, no one would look twice at the second set, so he retained them with the comfortable assurance that he was harnessed for life (so he was in truth with his bargain). But the best of the joke, and indeed the only joke in the A GALLOWAY FOR THE MILLION. 85 anecdote, was this : the harness which the auctioneer guaranteed as complete really was so, and sported a pair of breechings about five inches in width. These of course, as in all double harness, went into the trace buckles, and with a pole and pole pieces were quite adequate to the purposes of breeching : but when used in a phaeton or gig, acted about in the same way to their destined purpose as the strap of a trowser would, f placed behind the leg instead of under the foot. But there was a breeching on the galloway ; so, of course, my acquaintance drove down every hill with perfect confidence. He had as yet met no accident. The truth was, this galloway, which was half blind and broken-winded, by the aid of the dash-board as well as the tugs, stopped the phaeton going down hill. Now, had another horse been put in, what would have been the consequence ? why, a kicking match, in which I will back the nag to have the best of it. In a light gig, or in the generality of phaetons, there is danger enough even when properly appointed ; but when otherwise, unless the animal that draws it is as quiet as a sheep, the danger is really imminent. When I speak of a coachman, I beg it to be under- stood I do not mean always a stage- coachman or a gentleman's coachman, but use it as we do the word sailor as applied to any one who contributes to or undertakes the management of a vessel, whether sea- boy or admiral. I know little, indeed nothing, about these matters ; but I imagine a sailor would be con- sidered as having little pretension to that character if he could only steer a vessel in a calm sea with every sail properly set. I apprehend he would be expected to know every rope in his ship, their different uses, be able to detect anything that was wrong, and be G 3 86 BITS. equally able to set it right with his own hand. A coachman also is not merely one who, with every thing put right for him, can contrive to turn corners with- out ^running against a post, or one who can manage to wend his way along a road or moderately frequented street : he should understand his carriage, know its component parts, and their effects on its safety and running. If he does not know this, he may be driving with something about it loose, cracked, strained, broken, or misplaced, at the imminent risk of his own and his companions' lives ; and if not a judge of its running well or ill, his horses will suifer ; for the difference between the running of one carriage and another may probably, when loaded, be nearly or quite half a horse. I need scarcely say it is also necessary he should understand the full effect of every strap and buckle about his harness ; for on properly harnessing and bitting horses all their comfort and that of the driver depends : more accidents happen from the want of this than from any other cause ; and horses are also often very much punished in their work from such neglect. A man ignorant of all this does not know what is likely to lead to danger ; and of course, when once in it, is as helpless as a child in adopting perhaps the only means of getting out of it. The reader has doubtless often seen a coachman, before taking hold of his reins, go to all four of his horses 7 heads, lay hold of their bits, and feel if each horse is properly bitted. Probably this to some has appeared a tiseless precaution : the coachman knows better ; he knows that on that a great part of his safety depends. I should perhaps much surprise many persons by stating that a horse improperly bitted will sometimes set him kicking : they may say, " What on earth has A BIT OF COMMAND AND A BIT OF ADVICE. 87 liis mouth to do with his heels ? " A great deal, with some horses. They say the devil is good-tempered when he is well pleased ; so am I, and so is a horse ; and while he is, he goes pleasantly and quietly. Now put a too severe bit in his mouth, and, what is ten times worse, put the reins into rude hands, his mouth gets punished : this naturally irritates, and puts him out of temper : then let any little thing occur that at another time he would not have cared for, in his present temper he sets to milling away at once ; yet to take the other side of the question, I am in general an ad- vocate for commanding bits, of course more or less so according to each horse's mouth ; but I mean com- manding so far as relates to that horse : but then horses thus bitted must be given up to a coachman, not a Yahoo with fists like a sledge-hammer. In single harness, particularly in breaking or driving a horse disposed to kick, he should have a very severe bit in his mouth, by means of which, if he begins his non- sense, you may bring him up at once on his haunches or nearly on his tail. This is no pleasing operation to him : it is 'meant as punishment, and a few times repeated will make him fear to begin again. But this must be judiciously done, and when other and gentler measures fail : a horse thus severely bitted should be driven by a man with hands as light as a feather, though, should occasion require it, as strong as those of a giant. A severe bit with such a horse also prevents that pleasing accompaniment to kicking namely running away, a circumstance of very common occurrence. So far as single harness is concerned, I never drive without a kickmg-strap, and that not merely a make- believe, but one that will stand ditto repeated. I G 4 88 A MARE 01" IIONOUH. had, as a very young one, three or four milling matches in single harness, for then I cared little what I drove ; but as I found I always came off second best in body or pocket, I took to kicking-straps, mean to continue them, and recommend my friends to do the same. I have heard it said by good judges that they sometimes make a horse kick. I will not dis- pute the fact : they may sometimes do so, or make him disposed to do it ; but I have a vague opinion of my own that it is better a horse should attempt to do mischief half a dozen times without being able to effect it in any serious way, than he should once effectually save the coachmaker the trouble of taking a gig to pieces. I only reason from my own experi- ence and practice. Since I used kicking-straps, I have never paid eighteenpence for repairs from kicking : yet within a few months past I drove for a year a fast mare, who would always kick if she had a chance given her, and did attempt it con- stantly ; but my strap always kept her dow r n so as to prevent mischief. I was recommended to do away with it, and was assured she would then not attempt it ; but I did not think proper to trust to her honour. The person who advised me to do so bought her, and she repaid his confidence by doing what I told him she would do, kicking his gig to atoms. She was not to blame; on the contrary, she was a perfectly honourable mare ; she always promised, as far as dumb show could promise, that she would kick if she could, and I never knew her break her word, nor did she with him. The guarding against the probability of getting into difficulties or danger I consider the first duty of a coachman ; the knowing what is likely to lead to PRESENCE OF MIND. 89 either, an indispensable part of his qualification to become one ; and when in difficulty, a fine hand, strong nerve, a quick eye, and presence of mind are all necessary to extricate him from it. Here the coachman shows himself, and here the tyro univer- sally fails : the latter sees the effect plain enough, but knows nothing of the cause ; consequently, he either sits still and does nothing, or if he does any thing, in all probability does what increases both the difficulty and the danger. In proof of what presence of mind and knowing what to do in an emergency will effect, I will mention what occurred to myself and a friend, who, in addition to being the best horseman in his regiment, was also by far the best coachman in that or most others. Coming down Piccadilly in his phaeton with a pair of splendid goers, when nearly opposite the Duke of Cambridge's, in the middle of the short hill, the pole broke just behind the pole- hook : nineteen men out of twenty would have stopped, or attempted the impossibility of stopping the car- riage, and a smash must have in that case been the inevitable consequence : but no ; quick as his thought could have suggested the manoeuvre, he whirled his horses round, and we were quietly and safely sitting with our faces up-hill in a moment. A nearly similar accident happened to myself. I was driving, in fact breaking, a pair of thorough-bred ones to harness, four and five years old, own bro- thers ; they had both become perfectly handy and were perfectly good tempered, but from youth, high blood, and high condition, ready to avail themselves of any excuse for a lark. I had driven them all about a town perfectly well and all right, till, coming down a hilly street, up went my pole nearly to their 90 TOO NEAR THE POLE. ears, my toe-board nearly coining on their ruinps. I now found something was all wrong, and guessed the cause. A moment, and a milling bout must have been the consequence. I struck them both sharply ; off they went like two startled antelopes, down the hill at about eighteen miles an hour, feather-edging every thing we passed, I expecting to give something an insider : but we escaped ; the opposite hill ascending enabled me to pull up, when I found, sure enough, the pole-pin had been left out. Which looked the most frightened when we stopped I know not, myself, the man behind, or the horses : I only know that I felt frightened enough for all four, and, judging by the screams as we came along, a good many others were frightened too. I have hitherto merely confined my observations to amateur drivers : let us now look a little to those who engage themselves as hired coachmen. Among these, the mail and fast-coach coachman takes (or I ought to say took), and deservedly, the first place. Among these, from the year (we will say about) 1790 to 1840, we could point out many men, who, ranking in point of family and education as unquestionable gen- tlemen, have been induced, some by adverse circum- stances, and many by imprudence, to seek a livelihood by driving coaches. And here let me make some remarks on this subject. That the situation of a stage-coachman cannot in any way be consonant with the feelings of a gentleman, is a matter upon which there cannot be two opinions among rational men. The greater, then, the merit in the few who have had resolution enough to adopt this mode of pro- viding for themselves or families, in preference to TIMES PAST AND PKESENT. 91 despicably living in idleness, trusting to eleemo- synary assistance from friends, or being guilty of acts that, if not in law, at least in morality, amount to neither more nor less than those of the common swindler. I can instance the case of one of the most gentlemanlike men I know. He was in difficulties ; he took a coach, showed himself tip top as a coachman while on his box, and preserved the perfect manners of a gentleman when off. He is since married, enjoys an income of nine hundred a-year, and has every prospect of shortly coming into a title, with a property of fifteen thousand. I sin- cerely wish his imprudences had never laid him open to charges of a less commendable nature than driving a coach. I consider his doing the latter as a redeem- ing clause in his favour^ when opposed to the former. There can be no doubt the Four-in-Hand Club, and the mania for driving, first gave that impetus to coaching that eventually brought it to the zenith of its glory "but all its glory's past." Sixty years since, the post-boy was considered as holding a supe- rior station to the stage-coachman, and was in fact superior in his manners and address to the other. This naturally followed from his having more inter- course with gentlemen, who, in those days, would as soon have thought of travelling by the road-waggon as by the stage-coach ; consequently the persons em- ployed to drive coaches were the red-faced burly gin- and-beer drinking animal we see represented in some old prints ; while the post-boy was a smart, knowing, intelligent fellow, and a complete coxcomb in his way: when his horses became too bad for his use, they were turned over to the coach. The speed, as it was then thought, of the mail-coaches first induced 92 MOURNING COACHES. gentlemen and respectable persons to travel by them. This probably gave the first fillip to coach-propri- etors, who soon saw it would be their interest to do their work better, and they did so. I should say that Kirby's Chichester coach was perhaps the first (or nearly so) really well appointed coach on the road. As coaches improved, so did coachmen, and consequently the class of persons who travelled by them. Then came the four-in-hand rage. These amateurs, whenever they saw a superior man as a coachman, noticed him, this produced further reform- ation in the manners of coachmen. Gentlemen then began to secure the box-seat ; and then came on ob- servations on the merits or demerits of the team, the harness, &c. All this was carried by the coachman to the coach-owner, who consequently began to feel a laudable pride in his turns-out, got superior men on all his coaches ; and when such men as Lord Sefton, Sir H. Peyton, Mr. Agar, Mr. Ward, cum multis aliis, condescended to notice a coachman or patronise his coach, the fame of that coachman and coach was established. It was in fact to the encouragement such men gave where they saw encouragement was deserved, that the public are (I am sorry to add I must now say were) indebted for the speed, comfort, and safety with which they were enabled to travel by public conveyances. Then, when this business had arrived as near perfection as perhaps it could be brought, came that curse or blessing, as the future will show, to mankind steam ; and here for the present, so far as coaching is concerned, ends the drama. "We must now mention the private gentleman's coachman ; and here is another class of men, who, NOBLEMEN MAKING SHIFTS. })3 if things continue to regress as they are now doing, will, in a very few years, become very scarce indeed. Economy has, doubtless from necessity, become so much the order of the day, that numberless families who were accustomed to keep their chariot and coach- man, with a groom for their saddle-horses, have now put down chariot and coachman, got a Brougham, Clarence, or some other description of vehicle that goes with one horse, which the groom drives in ad- dition to his former business. Those men who moved in a certain rank of life kept a coachman for their lady's use, and one for their own chariot : this latter functionary is now, in a vast number of cases, dis- pensed with, and a cab and tiger stand in the stead, or the Brougham and groom again. Body-coachmen will always probably be indispensable to the establish- ments of noblemen : but in many of them now he occa- sionally drives his master's chariot a thing he was in former days never expected to do, unless on such an occasion as going to Court. The first coachman to a woman of high fashion requires much more knowledge of his business than people generally suppose. Here every jolt must be broken ; no chucking of his carriage over the crossings in the street ; no sudden pulls up, or hitting horses with so little judgment as to cause a sudden backward jerk to the carriage ; no stopping at doors so as to leave it swaying backwards and forwards to the full extent of the check-braces, and the discomfiture of its delicate and fastidious inmates: the carriage must start, go on its way, and stop as smoothly as it went oiF. Let the accustomed perfect coachman of such a lady be exchanged without her knowing it, and a merely moderately good one put in his place, 94 A COURT DAY. I will answer for it, that before he had driven her a quarter of a mile the check-string would be pulled, and inquiry made whether he was ill, mad, or in liquor ? Merely passing safely between other vehicles would not be sufficient to satisfy one accustomed to be driven by such an artist as a first-rate body-coachman. To any amateur of driving, it is really a treat to see such men handling their horses on such occasions as a Court-day. They may be seen threading the mazes of a dense crowd, their carriages gliding about like so many gondolas on the Grand Canal at Venice ; no fuss, no pulling and hauling ; a turn of the wrist is sufficient for horses accustomed to be driven by such coachmen. All seerns easy to the by-standers, no difficulty appearing; but this apparent ease shows the masterly hand that is at work. There is a kind of free-masonry among such men, that enables them to detect the perfect coachman at a glance. A cast of the eye at the hands of each other on meeting is sufficient to show to each what the other intends doing : they know they will each do what they intend, though only two inches of spare room is between them : with confidence in their mutual skill, they fearlessly pursue their course with as much precision and certainty as if the wheels of their carriages were confined in the track of a railroad. Mishaps, or even mistakes, on such an occasion hardly ever occur ; and for this reason, they are all or nearly all perfect artists. But go to the theatres, the scene is widely different : here is to be heard swearing, whipping, smashing of panels, plunging of horses, vocifera- tions of coachmen, cads, and constables the whole place a perfect pandemonium. This contrast arises from, in the latter case, numberless men being em- CRITICISMS. 95 ployed to drive carriages that have little pretensions to the name of coachmen. These clumsy work- men often fall to the l6t of single ladies, and nearly always to tradesmen who keep a carriage, the owners of which, not being competent judges of driving, take a coachman from the recommendation of others, who probably know as little of the matter as themselves. Here let me strongly recommend ladies never to take a coachman on mere recom- mendation, unless they well know the person giving the recommendation is a perfect judge of the requisite qualities of one. If they consider a man to be such an one as they want to engage, before finally doing so let them get some one of their acquaintance who thoroughly understands such matters to sit by his side on a box for half an hour : he will then either be at once disapproved of, or if the contrary, they will be certain of having a servant who understands his business. Ten pounds a year more in wages will be amply made up by avoiding coachmakers' bills for repairs, or those of veterinary surgeons for accidents to horses. They will also have their carriage-horses and harness neatly turned out, and properly and safely driven by a man who looks like a coachman, instead of getting one who does not know how to do either, and who will probably be asked by some knowing fellow, " Pray, Sir, who feeds the hogs when you are out ? " or, "I say, neighbour, how much extra does your governor give you for milking ? " or, should both footman and coachman be slovenly, loutish- looking fellows, the former will probably be addressed in something like the following refined phraseology : " I say, lick-plate, when you'd done the knives, why didn't you clean that spoon on the box there ? " An 96 DONE TO A TURN. untaught, stupid house- servant plagues and mortifies one by his awkwardness ; but a similar sort of coach- man should never be trusted at large without a string and collar about his neck to keep him off coach-boxes. If this won't do, d n him, put a ring in his nose and fasten him up. I have only, in the foregoing page or two, paid a just tribute to the merits of the coachmen of noblemen or men of large fortunes, but I must at the same time remark, that I never yet saw a gentleman's coachman who could drive four horses that he had been unaccustomed to : they make the worst stage-coachmen of any men who have been in the habit of driving at all ; they have been so used to horses all matched in step and temper that they are absolutely lost with any others. I would put any one of the best London coachmen, who drives four-in-hand occasionally, behind some teams over a thirteen-mile stage : here he would not only fail in keeping his time to perhaps half an hour, but would very likely, if with something like three tons and a half behind him, not get them home at all, or at all events would bring them to that enviable state where three stand still, while (as Matthews used to say) he whops the fourth. Coachmanship is therefore to be shown in various ways, as well as the want of it, and is exhibited under as various circumstances. Show me the man who would, as Mr. Agar did (I believe it was Mr. Agar), bring his four-in-hand out of Grosvenor Place, down Messrs. Tattersall's passage into the yard, round the cupola there, and back again into Grosvenor Place ; the whole done each horse all the time in a trot a feat unprecedented in the annals of coach- manship, and one never before, or I believe since, PALMAM QUI MERUIT TERAT. 97 attempted. Here is a proof of what fine hands and horses properly bitted can do. Look at Batty or the late Ducrow driving, or rather riding and driving, their horses with long reins round the arena : there is also a proof of what hands and proper training can do with the same animal we see pulled and hauled about, whipped and punished by animals on two legs, with scarcely more intellect than their quadruped victims. The Petersburg driver, with his bells and sleigh, is equally a coachman in his way. The Canadian recklessly, as it appears to us, crosses his corduroy roads, drives over half-formed bridges, or down declivities, with his pole three feet above his horses' heads, in a way none here could do it. The conducteur of the Paris diligence brings his five horses, with his town behind them, in a trot into the inn- yard at Calais. All three are coachmen in their way, and, mutatis mutandis, none of them could perform the parts of the other. I have no doubt but to do each well requires about an equal share of intellect and practice. I trust, by what I have already said, I have shown that driving, to do it well, should be learnt scientifi- cally, and that there is much more danger in trusting ourselves in the hands of persons ignorant of these matters than is generally supposed. My object has been not to instruct, but to induce some abler person to do so. If I succeed in this desirable object, I can only say I shall read such a work with much interest; arid, aware as I am that I have much to learn, I doubt not, if such a work is written by one qualified for the task, I shall be convinced I have much more to learn than I at present imagine. I hope the VOL. i. n 98 " A CONSUMMATION DEVOUTLY TO BE WISHED." generality of persons will estimate their own pre- tensions in the same way; for, whatever they may think, God knows it would be much to the advantage and safety of themselves, their friends, their horses, and the public, that they should do so. THE MARTINGAL. " Humanum sum, nihil a me alienuin puto." I HAVE used the above quotation, being quite aware that my subject will appear at first to be one of very minor importance. So it would had I chosen a perch- bolt as a subject to write about. Now a perch-bolt most persons know is a common-place round piece of iron of some nine or ten inches long, and of about one diameter ; yet upon this simple piece of iron de- pends in a great degree (or rather depended when perches were more in use) the limbs and lives of per- haps some sixteen or eighteen passengers. I mention this to show on what trifles we often rely for our safety or comfort, or perhaps both ; and if I can show that we owe both these to a martingal, it will appear, that, small and slight as it is in bulk and strength, and trifling as it is in value, it is not altogether a subject of such utter insignificance as may be supposed. Should I fail to do this, I shall not only candidly allow, but strenuously maintain, that the fault rests with the stupidity of the writer, and not from the want of utility in his subject. As I never venture to write on any subject from theoretical principles, but draw my premises from practical experience, I am quite willing to admit that where I am wrong I have very little excuse to bring forward, and must take it for granted that with me the bump of intellectuality is very faintly H 2 100 AUTHORS AND PEGMAKERS. developed, if developed at all. For I am in about the same situation as a man who has passed the last twenty years of his life cutting pegs for shoemakers. If, during that time, he has not learnt the best mode of making a point to a wooden peg, what a glorious fellow he must be ! I will tell you, Reader, what he must be he must be as stupid a fellow as myself, if I am wrong. As, however, I am sure that all I write is not wrong, I beg to remark that I throw out my ideas just as the husbandman does his chaff from the barn-door, leaving my Readers to pick out the few grains of corn it contains, rejecting the rest or the whole together just as it suits their judgment or fancy. Little as this subject may call for any very erudite polemical discussion, its use or disuse has nevertheless given rise to many differences of opinion among riding men ; and though all perhaps quite competent judges of horses and horsemanship, still prejudice or habit has induced them to form very opposite opinions of its merits some at once anathematising the martin- gal as an adjunct only used by those resolved on self-destruction, as in fact a kind of suicidal instrument, the sure prelude to an inquest of felo de se ; whilst others as strongly advocate its utility. Among those who ride, but are not horsemen which comprise at least ninety-nine out of a hundred of those who do ride I scarcely ever found one who at the bare men- tion of a martingal did not at once exclaim against it ; and though they might not exhibit quite as much horror in their countenance as Priam did of old when he found the ghost wishing to cultivate his acquaint- ance in his bed-room, still throwing a very sufficient degree of terror into their looks at the idea of using one, and a very fair proportion of surprise and con- MARTINGALS AND MUSTACHIOS. 101 tempt at my ignorance in offering a word in its favour, though you might see them very composedly riding the next day on some stumbling brute absolutely fastened down by a NOSE martingal. And why ? because they were not aware it was a martingal, and one of a really dangerous description. If you asked them why they had it put on, probably half of them could give no better reason than that they thought it looked well. Possibly the same man could give you about as good a reason for wearing mustachios. If he had but an ostrich feather stuck in his horse's tail, they would be complete. I have mentioned one description of martingal as being a very useful adjunct ; of another, as in nine cases out of ten as useless ; and in the way it is generally put on more or less a dangerous appendage to a horse's head. I will presently state my reasons for these opinions ; but, first, we will enumerate the different kinds of martingals in use. The term mar- tingal I consider as applicable to any thing we attach to a horse's head in order to keep him from raising it higher than we wish ; and I consider there are five different modes of doing this, all of which may be termed martingals. First, the running rein (as we generally call it), which is fastened to the girths, passes through the ring of the snaffle, and thence to the hand. By this, if a man knows what he is about, and has hands, he can bring his horse's head as low as he pleases, and keep it there. This is of great use to a regular star- gazer, but should never be put on to any other. Secondly, we have the running rein fastened near the points of the saddle, and, as the other, passing through the snaffle-rings to the hands. This is com- 11 3 102 THE REAHING BIT. inonly applied to young horses, and is of the greatest use in keeping their heads steady, in proper place, and preventing them from avoiding the restraint of the bit by throwing them up. Now with both these assist- ants a man may add to or relax their restraint by his hands, or, in a more riding phrase, may give and take with his horse : in fact, no description of bridle or martingal is fit for general use that in any way prevents his doing this to its fullest extent. We will call No. 3. the racing-martingal, coming from the girths to the hand-reins. This is the martingal whose utility I contend for con amore. No. 4. is the severest of all descriptions of mar- tingals, and only to be used on a very determined rearing or plunging horse, and as a severe punish- ment in case he does either. It consists of a ring of iron made in the shape of a heart, with rings on each side v / to fasten the head-stall to, and two more A\ /* near the bottom to receive two billets, which end in a strap that goes to the girths, supported by the neck- strap, similar to the one in common use to the racing or hunting martingal. The strap, going to the girths, may of course be lengthened or shortened to any degree, by which latter process the severity of the restraint is increased. The way it should be put on is this. Put the wide part of the bit in the mouth, and the narrow part under the jaw ; the headstall must be left just long enough to allow the bit to rest on the bars of the mouth, behind the tusks, and beneath the riding bit (of whatever kind that may be) ; then bring your horse's head as low as you wish it to be. If he is only moderately restive, about A SET-TO. 103 the ordinary place in which a head should be in a gallop will do : if he is more violent, or is apt to rear, but not dangerously, bring his nose to about a level with the point where the neck is set into the chest : if he is a determined rogue, an old offender, and one disposed to hog up his back, plunge violently, and then vary the entertainment by rearing, so as to leave it an equal bet whether he falls backwards or not, bring my gentleman's nose nearly on a level with the point where the forearm is set into the shoulder. In either of these cases, fasten his head to the level you bring it to by the strap going to the girths, and mind the strap be of sufficient strength to prevent his break- ing it. Should he set plunging, which he is likely enough to do on finding himself restrained, it then becomes, in magic-lantern terms, " pull devil, pull baker; " it is, in short, which tires first the martingal holding him, or he hurting his mouth in trying to break the martingal. " Ten to one on martingal : " martingal has it all the way, and wins in a canter. I have seen several set-to's in this way, but never saw a different result, or anything even like a dead heat. I should always recommend as a proper precaution, the first time this martingal (or rearing-bit as it is called) is put on, that it be tried in a meadow, or some place where a horse cannot bark his knees or hocks should he throw himself down, which, though rarely the case, he might do, if a very determined one, when restrained to a very great degree for the first time. I never saw one do so, however vicious, but it might happen ; nor did I ever see one that was not cowed after a few plunges. He gets such a lesson in a few minutes, that he generally leaves the da capo to less experienced pupils. The great merit of this ii 4 104 THE FIGHT. bit with a plunger or rearer is, that it makes him practically feel that whenever he attempts to do wrong he hurts himself; and he also finds he is so completely baffled in every attempt at violence, that he gives it up, or in recent slang, cuts it. The way it acts is simply this : before a horse plunges or rears, he is sure to begin by flinging his head about, and this he generally does suddenly: the moment he does so, or flings it up, the bit acts on the bars of his mouth, and being firmly held by the strap to the girths, no elasticity or yielding can take place ; con- sequently he gets a positive sharp blow on the bars every time he calls the bit into action. He soon finds this out; finds also he cannot break it, and submits : in short, is completely subdued. I do not mean to say it would be impossible for a horse to rear with this bit on, inasmuch as we see a goat do so, with his nose between his forelegs ; but the goat has been practising this all his life ; the horse has not, nor did I ever see one attempt the feat. The same thing holds good with plunging : he cannot well plunge and keep his head quiet ; and if he does not keep it so with this bit on, I wish him joy. I had a horse which had sense enough to be quite aware that though a canter with light summer clothes on, and six stone on his back was rather a pleasant recreation, a four-mile sweat with heavy sweaters and eight stone over them, was toute une autre chose : in short, he knew as well when he was to sweat as I did. His usual exercise-lad could not get him along at any pace at all, and when a stronger and consequently heavier lad was put up, though by dint of a good ash-plant and rating he could hustle him along for a couple of miles, more or less, before he had got him WON THE FIRST ROUND. 105 more than half its proper sweating-distance he would begin shaking his head, throwing it as high as the martingal would let him, then throw it nearly to the ground, and away he would bolt any where, in spite of fate, or at least of any lad. I got one of these bits for him, put it on moderately tight, and sent him up the gallop: he began his old tricks, but found himself hampered ; had a short fight, was beat, and never attempted the least resistance afterwards. I must, however, remark, that this bit, or martingal whichever we may term it, is by far too severe to be trusted in the hands of any common groom, who it generally happens has no riding hands at all ; but with the management of a man who has, it is in extreme cases a very useful and efficacious assistant. No. 5. and last, comes the nose-martingal. This is a very mild counterpart of the last ; and its being in any degree a counterpart is the very reason why I reprobate its use for general purposes, for which, as I before said, no bit or martingal can be proper where we are, as with both these, unable to relieve our horse of its restraint by our hands. This mar- tingal, like the rearing one, fastens to the girths ; no elasticity or yielding exists here ; but the reason why this does not possess the severity of the former is, the one acts on the horse's mouth, this only on his nose ; but even this is often made a mode of punish- ment, or, to say the least, of great annoyance to the horse if he is ridden by a man with bad hands. A rider of this sort never keeps them down ; conse- quently he is constantly pulling his horse's head up : the poor brute naturally gets into the habit of poking out is nose and carrying his head too high, and, in order to get some relief for his mouth, keeps con- 106 RATHER HARD TO PLEASE. tinually tossing his head up, by no means a pleasant trick to the rider, whatever it may be to the horse, particularly if he happens to be one who foams at the mouth, and is ridden against the wind. That all this has been taught him by bad hands never enters his rider's head ; consequently on goes a nose-martingal : this remedies the evil, it is true, but the result is, the poor horse is punished for the rider's awkwardness : for, mind, he makes no difference in the position, and consequent effects of his hands ; so it just amounts to this, the martingal pulls the horse's head down, and the gentleman pulls it up ; and thus his mouth is kept in a kind of vice of the rider's own invention (I wish he would take out a patent for it to prevent any one else from imitating it). If it is not put on short enough to produce the wished-for effect, it is useless : if it is, it is converted into a mode of punishing a well-disposed animal, which would willingly learn to carry his head as the rider would wish him, if he had knowledge enough and hands good enough to teach him how to do so. I am only surprised a horse does not at once turn sulky and restive under such un- reasonable treatment ; for were he endowed with the faculty of the renowned ass of Balaam of olden memory, would he not naturally say, "If I attempt to carry my head high in compliance with your hands a strap on my nose pulls it down ; if, in obedience to that, I attempt to carry it low, your hands pull it up : pray, Sir, how am I to carry it ? " But there is one occasion in which I could tolerate the use of the nose-martingal, and that is in harness, where horses have learnt this truly annoying habit of constantly tossing up their heads: and here again I am satisfied it in fact arises from improper treatment, NECESSARY, IF NOT QUITE JUST. 107 namely, having horses kept on a tight gagging or bearing rein till their necks ache to that degree that they are fain to throw their heads up to gain a tem- porary relief from an unnatural and consequently painful position. This habit having been attained, no matter from what cause, we must endeavour to cure him of it, which it will require a little justifiable severity to effect. The rearing-bit will do this in a very few days ; first of course taking off or easing the bearing-rein, then put on the rearing-bit, but loose, so as in no way to restrain or inconvenience him so long as he carries his head at any reasonable or allowable height. But the moment he tosses it up, he gets a rap on his jaw ; and this occurring as often as he repeats the offence, a few hints will suffice. This is better than constantly using a nose martingal, even in harness. I may be asked why I so decidedly object to the nose-martingal for general use in riding, while, as will be shortly seen, I as strongly advocate the use of the racing-martingal when it is in the slightest degree required? My objection to the nose-martin- gal then is this : if a horse makes a blunder, whether a trifling one, or one likely to end in a pair of broken knees, up goes his head ; now, though this is by no means necessary to enable him to recover himself, but on the contrary prevents the rider helping him to do so, still, from the very sudden violence with which he generally chucks his head up, the nose-band gives him virtually a sharp blow on his nose. It would be rather a curious experiment, if we saw a horse falling, to give him a blow with a stick on the front of his nose to induce him to exert himself to raise his fore- quarters. I should say it would rather help him to fall 108 BAD HABITS SHOULD BE ALTERED FOR LADIES. plump on his knees ; yet the ?z#s-martingal in a limited sense positively does this: should he recover him- self (in spite of this), the next time he commits a similar faux pas, he remembers the blow he got the last time, and is afraid to exert himself, dreading a similar return for his exertion ; for the rider cannot of course in any way cause the faced martingal to relax one inch of its tension, which with all other martingals except the rearing-bit he can do. For ladies (who more frequently use the nose-martingal than men) I hold it in utter dread and abhorrence, unless put on so very long as merely to act if the horse tosses his head so high as to greatly annoy them. Even in this case I should say, cure him of the habit, then he will not want any martingal at all. But if he is so incorrigible as to render the ft6>s-martingal necessary, he will never be fit to carry a woman : get rid of him at once, unless you want a chance of getting rid of the lady. This common courtesy obliges us to consider as an impossibility even among married men. Having now vented my spleen on all and every fixed martingal, except on very particular occasions and which I trust will occur to my Readers about as often as angels' visits, or those of real friends I will ven- ture my opinion on the use of the simple racing or hunting martingal, to which I never found but one objection during twenty-five years of hunting experi- ence. Without a little attention, it will sometimes, when you are opening a gate, catch the upright bar ; and in very thick strong coverts it sometimes is caught by a straggling bough. This little occasional incon- venience is, however, counterbalanced a hundred-fold by its general utility. I do not of course mean that it is useful on a horse who does all you wish, and no- LOGIC. 109 thing that you do not wish, without one. If his head and neck are so formed by nature that he carries them both in a proper place, we cannot improve on nature : but unless this is decidedly the case, practical experi- ence has taught me that a martingal can alone insure our comfort and safety, and enable us to render our horse obedient to the rein, which we never can make him if his head is in an improper degree of elevation. We will suppose, that from carelessness, the pole-pin of a carriage has not been properly put in, or put in at all ; we probably find no inconvenience arise from it so long as we go on a level road or up hill: but suppose, on beginning to descend the hill, we find the end of the pole on a level with our horses' ears, I can make a quotation tolerably apt to our situation facilis descensus Averni. I think we should wish there had been such a thing invented as a pole martingal. A horse getting his head up is not perhaps likely to lead to so serious a catastrophe ; but whenever he does get it proportionably above the proper level, we have no more command of him than of the carriage. I believe every riding man (I mean horseman) will al- low that all our command over a horse while riding him both begins and ends in our command over his mouth. This I shall consider as a point given. I have thus endeavoured to prove getting his head up loses us this command : if this point is also ceded to me, I think we may fairly come to the conclusion, that whatever prevents his doing that by which we do lose our command of him is a resource never to be dispensed with where we run the slightest chance of wanting it, and this resource is of course the mar- tingal. I do not know whether race-horses were better tern- 110 YOUNG HEADS AND OLD HANDS. pered a hundred years ago than they are now, whether they had better mouths, or jockeys had better hands (I should think none of these suppositions likely to have been the fact) ; but certainly long since that period martingals were but rarely used in races ; now we as rarely see a race ridden without one. This may probably arise from more two-year-olds being brought to the Post than there were in the time of our forefathers. These young ones at times take to all sorts of freaks and gambols ; and, let me ask, what could any man do with these without being able to command their mouths ? Of course, nothing. They would be all over the course, or perhaps out of it, just as their fancies led them; nor could all the Chifneys, Scotts, or Days in England get them together at the Post. The martingal has been found to steady the heads of such horses, and to enable the jockey to keep them in command while running. This has pro- bably led to its general use on almost all race-horses : if therefore a perfect command of a horse's mouth has been found necessary on a level race-course, it must be also necessary when we ride over all descriptions of ground and all descriptions of fences. I have heard many persons express a fear that in hunting a martingal would confine a horse, and perhaps prevent his rising at his leaps. I have heard others at once assert that it did, yet allowing at the same time that they had never tried one. I cannot but think the latter gentlemen rather too fast. Now, as I have before stated, I have not only tried them, but constantly used them on every horse I ever rode that in the slightest degree wanted one ; and I have universally found it to be the case, that whenever he does want a martingal, he will be made to rise better THE TOLES MAY MEET. Ill at his fences with one than without one. In illus- tration of this, I must again allude to the demi-per- pendicular pole. We will suppose that we wanted the fore- wheels of the carriage to rise so as to get over any obstacle on the road, would the pole rising up in the manner I have described in the remotest way contribute to raise the wheels ? Not at all : the pole only would rise, the wheels would remain dead on the ground. We will say by way of hypothesis that the carriage is a living object : the four wheels correspond to the legs of a horse, the body to his body, and the pole to his head and neck : the driving seat is the fulcrum from which we act. If we wished to induce the carriage to elevate its forepart, should we take out the pole-pin, when by so doing we could affect nothing but the pole itself ? I humbly conceive we should rather take care that the pole was retained in its proper place ; than, by acting on its extremity, the carriage, finding it could not lift up its pole alone, would lift up its foreparts altogether. Now I con- sider we act in a very similar manner on a horse, and that a loose-necked one, with or without a martin- gal, bears a close affinity to a carriage with or with- out a pole-pin. In fact, if I may use the expression without having a pun added to my other sins, our great object is to keep both their poles in their proper places. I have attempted giving something like an ocular demonstration of what I mean, by scratching with my pen in a rough way the parts of three horses, which from the downward inclination of their bodies, may be supposed to be either coming over a drop-leap, descending a steep declivity, or tumbling on their knees, whichever the Header pleases to imagine, for 112 " 1, 2, 3, AND AWAY/' IN DIFFERENT WAYS. in either case all the support we can give is by the bridle, or, in more sporting phrase, keeping fast hold of their heads. " Keep fast hold of his head, Jem," is no uncommon direction to an exercise-lad. This is all very well and very proper where it can be done ; but I should like to see the lad or man who could do so with a devil carrying his head like No. 1. The rein on the martingal shows where the head should be, and would be if the martingal was used, but where it is, we have no earthly hold of the brute. No. 2. has his head in a position that may enable a man just to guide him ; but any support is out of the question : attempt to give it, and his head would go to position No. 1. Now No. 3. has his head just in the place that would enable the rider to give him support, and by throwing his body back, and slightly clapping the spurs to his horse's sides, he would induce him in a drop-leap to throw out his forelegs, or, if in the act of blundering, would prevent his actually coming on his knees. I have thus far endeavoured to show that per- mitting a horse to throw up his head when and as high as he pleases- can in no way be advantageous, and that preventing his doing so can, by no mode of reasoning, be attended by disadvantage. I have not yet done with arguments to prove this. I conceive most men will agree with me that a horse which does not require any martingal is preferable to the one that does. Why does the one require none ? Simply because he never puts his head in a position to re- HATS OFF. 113 quire one. He does all we can ask a horse to do, carrying his head properly. If he does this, it must be quite clear that an undue elevation of the head is quite unnecessary in any necessary exertion, and that preventing a loose-necked horse doing that which no perfect horse ever attempts, can in no way curtail his powers or action on the road or in the field. In short, he can do every thing at his ease, except look out for the Aurora Borealis ; and I conceive his as- tronomical researches can be dispensed with without prejudice to his value. I have been led to a much greater length than I intended by this subject. I shall therefore only make another remark or two upon it. Let it be remem- bered, that, if we do confine a horse too much by a martingal, it can only arise, first, from its being put on too short, and, next, from the rider's want of judgment and hands. The man who possesses these always can and will give his horse all the liberty required for his safety and comfort as well as that of his rider, while hunting or on the road. I shall only add, that I would never put a bad rider on a horse of my own without a martingal : for then, give him an easy snaffle, he may keep his hands where he pleases, up to his ears, or in his pockets, my horse's mouth will not be affected by them. God forbid it should ! Finding now that my pen has* got her head up, and has for some time been going away with me much farther than I intended she should have done, the reader will, I dare say, be glad to find that I here punish her by clapping on martingal No. 4. This has stopped her career, and affords me the oppor- tunity of very respectfully taking my leave. VOL. I. I 114 SHARP PRACTICE. HEADS, HANDS, AND HEELS. ON reading the heading of the following pages many may indulge in a little satire, and say, " Oh ! we see HIE'OVER is driven to extremities." Now, if I were under any engagement or even promise to supply a certain quantity of pages to my Publisher, I have not a sufficiently good opinion of the fecundity of my brain to doubt for a minute that I should very shortly be driven to extremity ; but as this is in no way the case, I beg to assure any one who has made such a remark, that the shaft of his satire falls perfectly innocuous, and though I do select the' extremities of the human body as subjects to make a few observa- tions upon, it is not the extremity of the case that induces me to do so. The head, par excellence, is generally considered as entitled to more respect than those other extremities to which I have alluded ; not that I consider it is by any means always entitled to this pre-eminence, for we very often find it to be the least effective part of many people. We have people with weak heads, and shallow heads (and these great people too) ; nay, we have had such things as even ministers with such heads; and, " infandum Regina jubes renovare dolor em" we have had kings and queens without any heads at all; though, as I conclude, after the little ceremony of decapitation had been gone through, the sovereignty probably ceased. I must therefore most willingly recall my assertion of there having been kings and HEAD! " YOU'RE WANTED." 115 queens without heads, though u when that this body did contain a spirit " it was a sovereign. My hum- ble observations shall not, however, soar so high, but content themselves by merely alluding to that plebeian sort of head that is necessary for common sporting and riding purposes; and for these, let me assure my readers, more head is required to do the thing well than many may imagine. This leads me to mention an anecdote I once overheard. A wicked young dog of a riding-boy in my stables remarked to a regular chaw-bacon of a fellow who was filling a dung cart, that " no one but a born fool would stand filling a dung cart." " Wouldn't he ?" says Whap straw ; " why there's twice as much room each side of the cart as there is in it, so a born fool would throw two forkfuls each side and one in ! " Now it certainly is not necessary that the calibre of a man's mind should be of extraordinary diameter to fill a dung cart ; still, " sic parvis componere magna solebam" there was a good deal of pith in Whapstraw's remark ; and, if we could so far overcome our amour propre as to apply it to ourselves before we undertake a thing, we should much less frequently find our- selves " nowhere" than we do. But to allude to head as it relates to the manage- ment of horses. The first proof of the want of head is exemplified in the breeder : he goes on either making injudicious crosses, or breeds in-and-in till he yearly produces that nondescript sort of animal that we daily see, arid which is not calculated for any one useful purpose. He is made, it is true, to do a some- thing, but he only does that something somehow, and can do nothing well. The same trouble and expense would have produced a really good sort of animal i 2 116 VI ET ARMIS. for at least some purpose, but the breeder wanted a head. Then, to make things worse, the animal (I will not call him a horse) is put into the hands of some Yahoo of a country breaker : he, I will back at twenty (or a hundred if you wish it) to one, wants a head ; and consequently it will be found, that, if he gets an awk- ward ill-disposed colt into his hands, he makes him worse ; and, give him a clever promising one, he turns him out of his hands a brute. I fully main- tain, that a man to break young horses should be (to a certain extent) a man of education, at least of sufficient education to have learned to think ; but, unfortunately, any totally ignorant fellow who hap- pens to have a firm seat, strong arms, strong nerve, and of course an enormous whip, fancies he possesses all the requisites of a colt-breaker. By opposing brute force to brute force, he certainly generally suc- ceeds in making the colt carry quiet when turned out of his hands, kept down by work, and often by low keep : but he has most probably so far ruined the temper of the horse as to make him fear and hate the very sight of a rider; and, as soon as from proper keep and ordinary work the horse recovers his spirits, we find we have a wilful restive beast on our hands. Most probably he is then sent back to the same breaker, who, by the same means he used before, again puts him into the stable of the owner quiet, with this exception, that his temper is worse than before, which he will not fail to show as soon as he has opportunity and spirits to do so. Now let a trainer for the turf get a colt into his hands, first to break, and then train, how widely different is his ma- nagement of a young one! These persons have gene- SCIONS OF A NOBLE STOCK. 117 rally some head, which if they have not acquired by education they have by practical experience, from having been generally through the duty of extra lad, regular riding-boy, riding the light weights, head-lad, probably jockey, and finally trainer. By this time, the man has learned to think; to combine circum- stances ; to look to causes and effects ; to study the different tempers of horses ; to circumvent, by his superior sense, experience, and cunning, their cunning and evil propensities, of which some possess a very considerable share. By evil propensities, I do not mean absolute vice, for very few young horses are naturally vicious ; but still they have various tricks and propensities that would shortly degenerate into absolute and most determined vice, if they were put into the hands of a common country colt -breaker. I do not consider that young racing colts are on an average naturally more vicious than other colts ; but I have always found them disposed to play those pranks that coarser-bred horses seldom dream of. In short, if I may use the expression to a horse, they are always ready for a lark if you give them the slightest chance. Now if, in one of these larks, they were to throw a boy off, and which they certainly would do or attempt to do if he began taking im- proper liberties with them, the colt will probably become tricky ever afterwards ; and if he does, he becomes of little use as a race-horse. To render these colts steady and amenable to the hand and will of the rider and jockey requires more patience, con- trivance, foresight, and head than many people imagine. They must not be allowed to have their own way with you : you must have your own way with them (of course supposing it to be a right one). i 3 118 PREVENTION BETTER THAN CURE. They must be brought to a state of subjection ; but at the same time they must neither be flurried nor frightened, and must be on high feeding. Starving down would not do here : no damp must be put on their spirits: the stamina must be kept up, and you have a high-couraged animal to deal with: if he is once provoked sufficiently to exert his powers, once comes to know them, by getting the best of the set-to, which in such a case he is very likely to do, no race-horse will ever he be. Now the difference of the system of the common colt-breaker and the trainer is this : the first, by punishment and brute force, breaks his colt of doing wrong : the latter teaches his to do right ; he takes care to avoid his being placed in situations and under circumstances that might induce him to rebel. Let the common breaker get a colt that is nervous, timid, and apt to be frightened at any thing he meets or sees, what would he do ? He would take the horse purposely where he would be sure to meet constant objects to alarm him : every time he starts, the whip and spurs go to work in other words, the heels : now, if he had a head that was of any use to him, he would reflect a little, and this would show him the folly and brutish ignorance of his conduct. So because the colt is alarmed already by what he sees, he frightens him ten times more by voice, whip, and spur. Hence we so often find that after a horse has shied, say at a carriage, when the object has passed it takes a considerable time before he becomes pacified. All this arises from the dread of punish- ment which he has been accustomed to. Horses have good memories, and do not easily forget ill usage. We frequently see a man (if he be not ADDING FUEL TO FIttE. 119 a timid rider), on his horse refusing to face an object, determine that he shall do it, and immediately force him up to it : the very exertion used to make him do this increases his terror of it, and a fight ensues, when, should the rider gain his point and get him up to the object, the moment his head is turned to leave it he bolts off as quickly as possible : he has not been reconciled to it, and will shy at it just as much (perhaps more) the next time he sees it ; for now he recognises it as an enemy, and has been taught to know by experience what he only feared before ; namely, that it was a something that would (and as he found did) cause him annoyance and injury. Had the rider, as soon as he found his horse alarmed on seeing this object, stopped him, let him stand still, caressed and encouraged him, the horse would have looked at it, and, finding no attempt made to injure him, would have gradually approached it ; then smelt at it (if a stationary object), and finally have walked away coolly, collectedly, and satisfied, and the next time he saw it, or a similar object, would care very little about it. A little reflection would tell us that these would be the different results of the two different treatments ; but, unfortunately for horses, reflection arid consideration are not the predominant qualities of the generality of horse- breakers or grooms. Race-horses, it is true, are not used much on the public roads, still they frequently have to go there, and as on a race-course they must see all kinds of strange sights, it is quite as necessary to teach them to face such objects without alarm as any other horse. Indeed a race-horse liable to be alarmed by crowds "or noises never could be depended upon ; but they are taught to be fearless of both, and 120 TUTELAGE. in rather a different manner from that used by the colt-breaker or groom. Now we will suppose a trainer had a colt which was easily alarmed by passing objects, other horses galloping near him, or persons coming up to him, how would he be treated ? He would be sent away by himself, where it was certain no objects would approach close enough to alarm him : here he would be exercised, whether for three days or three weeks, till he had gained com- posure and confidence : he would then be brought a little nearer the subjects of his alarm, where they might attract his observation, but could in no ways annoy or frighten him. Day by day he would be brought still nearer to them, till they became so familiar to him that he would cease to notice them at all, or merely as indifferent objects. Assuredly this is rather a more reasonable mode of treatment than the one generally resorted to, and, what is more, it never fails the fault or infirmity is got over and for ever. There is one description of horse with which I might be tempted perhaps to oblige a common colt- breaker ; namely, some brute which appeared so incorrigibly sulky and vicious that I might not wish men who were valuable for better purposes to undergo the trouble and risk of having any thing to do with him ; not but that I should be quite aware that a man with a better head would be more likely to succeed ; but, for the reasons I state, I would perhaps give the savage to one of these kill-or-cure gentry, and let the two brutes fight it out. As I said before, all men about horses require head, but few more so than a trainer : not that there is any mystery in training; proper feeding, properly watering, THE WEAK GO TO THE WALL. 121 proper physic, exercise, work, and sweating are all the means that can be employed to bring a race-horse into the highest or rather best condition his consti- tution is capable of: but it is in properly ad- ministering and adapting all and each of these to each particular horse where the head of the trainer is required ; and in doing this is shown the difference between the mere practical trainer and the man who has discrimination enough to watch his treatment as it affects these different horses, and vary it accord- ingly that is, if he will give himself the trouble to think about the subject. This requires a degree of integrity and devotion to the interest of his employer that every man is not disposed to show, and ingenuity and mind that few men in such situations possess. This leads me to make a few remarks on large and first-rate racing or training establishments. These are no places to send a third or fourth rate race-horse to: first-rate trainers hate even second-rate horses: they feel they will do them no credit: their whole and sole attention is devoted to the pets or flyers of their stables; while the inferior horses (who by the by require the greatest attention to their training in order as much as possible to make superior condition make amends as far as it will go for their want of speed or stoutness) are turned over to the head-lad, and may think themselves fortunate if they engross much of his attention : consequently, bad as they may be, they are rendered worse from their not being brought out in their best form. A very little from being quite right will bring a first- rater to the level of a second : what then will being very far from up to his mark bring an inferior horse 122 A PROMISING BARGAIN. to? why, he will have no chance with any thing but a road waggon when brought out to run. There can be no doubt but many valuable race- horses are lost by the obstinacy and prejudice of trainers : they take a dislike to a colt ; fancy he can't be good: what is the consequence? The owner of course wishes him to be tried. Now a horse re- quires to be pretty much in the same condition to be fairly tried as he does to race. This unfortunate colt will not be got into this condition ; takes his trial, and of course is beaten by the more favoured ones " as they like : " the trainer's prognostic is fulfilled (nobody could doubt that), the bill is paid, the colt is sold by Messrs. Tattersall, and " so much for Buckingham." It is quite certain that the best trainers and the most enlightened men in their busi- ness are the best men to send a horse to ; that is, if they will exert their knowledge and abilities in his favour : but if they will not, though they may have a head, their not using it is as fatal to the horse and his owner as if they had no head at all. I can exemplify a little of the effects of trainers' disliking a horse by a case in point. I bought a horse which had been in a public training establishment ; he was a bad one at best, and, what was worse, a nervous, fretful, and at all times a very difficult and vicious one to dress. He had run several times, and never won, nor had a chance of winning any thing. When I bought him, he had not an ounce of flesh or muscle on his bones, and looked as blooming in his coat as a singed cat, and she with the hair turned the wrong way : in fact, I took him in exchange for an unpromising yearling, or I should never have got him. Now it required no great share of head to see AN IMPROVING PUPIL. 123 that something in his treatment had been wrong, and that, bad as he was, he had been made worse. What that wrong was forty-eight hours were sufficient to show : he looked frightened to death, and in the stable was ready with his heels the moment any one went near him, as if he expected that whoever did intended him some grievous bodily harm : in short, he had been over-worked, got frightened at his work, and equally frightened in the stable. The latter part of the story I found out before he had been in the box half an hour, from hearing the boy who brought him, and was attempting to dress him, bullying him all the time he was doing so. Thinks I to myself, if you lived with me, I need not wish (for I know) you would get it. I threw the horse totally out of work, and gave him long walking exercise by himself, with a particularly placid good- tempered boy on his back, till he came to his appetite, and made the boy during this time invariably give him his oats out of a bowl from his hand. This brought them on good terms with each other, and in one month this boy could do any thing he pleased with him. I then put him gradually to work, gave him but two sweats where in his former hands he would have had a dozen. He gained confidence in himself and with people ; I ran him five times, taking care to put him where he would only meet his own sort of company. He won four times, and the fifth ran second, the good stew- ards allowing a horse to start which had no business there : but though he A\ r as proved disqualified, I was chiseled out of the stakes ; at all events I never got them. Now there was no ingenuity required about this horse ; but it shows that if the head had been a little more employed about him in his former training, 124 RIGHT AT LAST. and the heels much less in his races, he would always have done better. I could instance, however, several horses which have always been trained by the same men, those not by any means men of superior intellect, yet they have brought these horses out in good form, and have been very successful with them. This, however, in no way militates against my axiom, that the more mind a man possesses the better trainer he is likely to be, pro- vided he uses that mind. Such men as I have alluded to have probably lost their horses many races during the first season they had them under their care, from not discovering for some time how to treat them, so as to bring them out in their best form : like a botch of a watchmaker, who, attempting to regulate your watch, moves the regulator a mile too far to the right, by which he converts it into a locomotive under high pressure; he then moves it as much too far to the left, so when you wish to get up at nine and look at your watch, you find it pointing to a quarter to four. He blunders at last on the right medium; so do such trainers: from finding what does not succeed, they at last find out what does, and then wisely keep to it; whereas a man with more head would have found out in one month what it took them twelve to discover. Still I would rather send an inferior horse where I might suspect he would suffer in a temporary way from want of ability in his trainer, than to where I should be nearly certain he would permanently suffer from want of attention. I should as soon think of asking William Scott to ride a pony for a bridle and saddle, as I should of sending a leather- plater to John to train. People who know little of horse affairs really consider that any stupid blockhead PAR NOBILE FRATIIUM. 125 is equal to the management of them. This is how- ever quite a mistake ; he would be no such thing. I have no doubt the most blundering thick-headed attor- ney that ever commenced the commonest action at law would think himself much degraded by any compari- son being made between his abilities and those of Scott? and would fancy, though twenty years had failed to beat law into his thick skull, that as many weeks would make a trainer, however obtuse his faculties might be. So they might make as good a trainer as he a lawyer. Preserve me from the hands of the one, and my horse from those of the other ! I think we might anticipate the action being spoiled in both cases. Nothing looks prettier or more easy to do, when we see a jockey give his horse the preparatory canter before a race : I scarcely know any ordinary situation that sets a man off to greater advantage ; and cer- tainly, with a tolerably good seat and hands, the head is not much in this case called in question. But this is only the manual, and, if I may use the expression, the handicraft part of the business. This is not riding THE RACE. We will not, however, as yet look quite so high as the jockey, but shall find some head is required even by a very subordinate little personage -the ordinary riding-lad, who rides the horse in his exercise work, and most probably sweats. He, little as we may think of him, will never be worth his keep if he is a stupid fellow. Some boys never can be taught to know what they are about, never can be taught what many persons would think very easy to learn the pace you wish them to take their horse along, or in fact the pace they are going when they are on him. Others with clearer heads and more observation learn this very shortly : when they have 126 A DIVINE RIDING-BOY. learnt it, they become very valuable to a trainer. Such a boy will take directions, and implicitly obey them : so would the other if he could ; but he could not, because he would not be a judge of whether he was obeying them or not. Such a lad would never be fit to lead a gallop if he lived to the age of old Parr. I remember once seeing a trainer in (I think) one of the most frantic passions I ever saw a man, and with good reason. He had put a lad on a fidgety flighty horse to get very gentle exercise. This lad was notorious for two qualities; stupidity was one, but perfect steadiness was the other. I heard the trainer give this boy these simple direc- tions: "When you get to the Turn-of-the-lands, turn about, let your horse come away of himself; sit still, and keep him at a quite gentle half gallop." The first part the boy obeyed; but he soon allowed his horse to steal away with him, and the trainer saw he was extending his stride every stroke he took. As soon as he got within hail, he held up his hat : the boy took the hint, but instead of getting his horse by degrees off his speed he pulled him off his stride altogether into a canter of six miles an hour. The hat was off again, and gently waved to come on ; and on he did come with a vengeance, at a Leger pace. Up went the hat again, and if ever a man was mad in a tempo- rary way, that trainer was the man. The boy was now near enough to see his master's gesticulations, and stopped his horse the moment he could, and walked him up to us. I saved the poor fellow a thrashing, but he was turned off that evening as incorrigible. He was hired by a clergyman, and made an excellent servant: no power on earth ever could have made him worth a penny in a racing- stable. ABC DIFFICULT TO LEARN. 127 The learning to be a good judge of pace is really very difficult. The walk, the trot, and top speed are all distinct definite paces that every ploughboy knows : but the intermediate paces that a race-horse at exer- cise and in strong work has to go become distinct to the rider only by practice and observation : the different styles of going and action in different horses deceive very much. Some feel to be going much faster under you than others, though they really are not, and vice versa. A lad to lead a gallop to-day on a smooth-going long-striding horse, and to lead one the next on a compact quick-striking one r 'and make the pace exactly the same on both, requires no small share of discrimination and judgment. A boy may be told, on a horse in strong work, to "bring him away the first mile at his usual pace, to hustle him along a bit the next mile and a half, and to come along the next half mile at a good telling pace." This is all A B C to a clever and practised lad, and he would do it to a nicety. But to begin, what is the " usual pace " he is told to go ? Now many boys, though they had followed half a dozen horses for a fortnight up the same gallop at a given pace, send them by themselves, would no more go the same pace than they would fly, or know more of the pace they were going than they or I should how many knots an hour a ship was going. Allowing me a little latitude of idea, I will compare the learning all this to learning music and to sing. Tell a man to strike F natural on the pianoforte ; there it is defined : so are the walk, trot, and gallop. Tell the same man to sound F natural on his own voice : this is " bien autre chose:" nothing but practice, judgment, and ear will teach him to do this ; so will nothing but 128 "JOCKEY OF NORFOLK, BE NOT TOO BOLD." practice, judgment, and observation teach a lad to judge of pace, easy as people may think it. I hope by what I have said I may have induced those unacquainted with these matters to raise the qualifications of my little friends (riding -lads) a line or two in the scale of their estimation, and to be- lieve that not only a head, but a tolerably good one, is required for them to be worth any thing. We will now ascend the ladder of pre-eminence, and get to the top, where the jockey and trainer have been stationed while we have been alluding to the lads, who have taken their stations on its different steps, according to their pretensions. We now come in contact with the jockey, to whom I have much pleasure in introducing my country cousins. The jock to whom I introduce them is not quite that sort of animal they have been accustomed to see, with a red pocket-hankerchief round his neck, a redder face, and red or white glazed calico jacket, corduroys and mahoganies, a whip weighing half a pound, and spurs drooping on his heels. No, no, my jockey, in his common or jockey dress, is a shade different from him : his boots are beautifully made ; his trousers cut as riding trousers should be cut, well strapped down and fitting well to the foot ; his waist- coat rather long (as a sporting man) ; his coat a single-breasted riding coat ; his cravat well put on, an aristocratic hat, and doe-skin gloves (quite clean) : this is his dress. In looks, he is rather pale, a reflecting-looking face, a keen eye, head well put on, and all but gentlemanlike ; no thick muscle at the back of it (I hate a man who has), with a modest respectful manner and carriage, but with just enough confidence to show that he feels himself a respectable, " NOW, GALLANT SAXON, HOLD THINE OWN." 129 and is known to be a clever man in his profession (or calling). This, ladies and gentlemen, is my jockey in mufti. When dressed to ride, every- thing is well made, put on in good taste, and he is neatness personified. He is now, we will suppose, on his horse, and giving him a canter. Here many a young aspirant for fame wishes himself in his place, and no doubt thinks nothing could be more delightful or easy. How he would like to show off before the ladies ! and so he might on some horses. But our jockey happens to be on one who sometimes would give a man something else to think about, and who, quietly as he goes now (ridden as he is), would, if our young aspirant was on him, in all probability gratify his heart's desire, and show him OFF to the ladies. Our jockey is, we will say, on Bay Middleton : how still he sits on him ; his hands in the right place, motionless, but just feeling his horse's mouth ! And now he is pulling him up: how gradually he does this, as if he fancied his reins made of a silken thread, and a rude pull would break them. It is not so, however : he knows no rude pull would break them, but it might his horse's temper. We will now suppose him running: could our would-be jock be by his side, he would see that the Bay Middleton he had seen taking his canter had become a very different animal when extended with from 15 to 20 horses running with him, and some perhaps at him. He would find, if on his back, it was not exactly like riding up Rotten Row; and I fear that what his ladye-love might think of him would engross less of his thoughts than what his horse might do with him. This, however, is still only the manual, and, though difficult, is by far the least difficult part of the VOL. I. K 130 NOT WON YET. jockey's business. He thinks little about how he is to manage his horse, but he must think a great deal about how he is to manage the race : that is, not how he is to keep his horse in the place he wishes him to be, but where that place should be for the best. Many things have to be considered before he can determine on this. Here the head goes to work, and has been, long before the day of running. Doubtless the trainer, the jockey, and the owner (if he inter- feres in the matter) know perfectly well the kind of race that would suit their own horse best ; but they will not be allowed to run the race as they like, for others will make a pretty shrewd guess at the kind of race our jockey would wish for his horse, and will therefore (if they consider him dangerous) take care it shall be run in a diametrically opposite way. And could a man even command a race to be run as he wishes, a good deal would have to be considered when this was accorded to him : for possibly the very kind of race that suits his horse would also suit two or three others that he is afraid of ; so, all he could insure even by this would be beating sixteen out of twenty. This is in no way insuring winning the race. He may have, and probably has considered, as far as human foresight will go, how such horses as he is afraid of are likely to run in the race, and has made up his mind how to act under every circum- stance. We will say he has done so, and feels he has them beaten ; but he finds others a good deal better than he thought. He has then to think again ; for here is a new feature in the race : but, worse than all, he may find some unthought-of devil show in front full of running : he may have patience to wait, hoping this new customer may shut up : but suppose he finds he does not, he must not let this new comet run in VENT, VIDI, VICI. 131 shaking his tail at him without a struggle for it. He knows if he calls upon his own horse before he gets within the length he can live at his best, he will beat him ; and if he lies too far out of his ground, we have been taught lately that a few strides will not always take a race away from another horse, though our jockey may be on a flyer. What is he to do now ? He can do but one thing: he knows his horse's speed; he must judge how he feels under him, what powers are left in him, and time it to such a nicety, that when he does set-to with him, those powers shall last just to the winning post, but would fail in three strides beyond it. And to this nicety will a perfect jockey ride his horse. Does this, let me ask, require no head ? Is this a mere mechanical business that any blockhead is equal to ? He may ride, and even make a fair horseman ; but before he can be a jockey he must be taught to think : and what must be the quickness of obser- vation and decision required where a man has only perhaps three minutes given him to observe, decide, and act ! I have only represented a supposed circumstance or two to show the difficulties a jockey has to contend with, when in fact they are innumerable. It is not merely that he may ride four or five different horses on the same day, all of which may require to be differently ridden ; but under different circumstances the same horse requires it also. Horses under the best training will sometimes (mares frequently) go back a little, and not be quite up to their usual mark on the day of running: he may be running under higher weight than he has been carrying, or the reverse: all this the jockey must consider, not merely as it will K 2 132 " PRACTICE'' DOES NOT " MAKE PERFECT'' affect the running of his own horse, but of others in the race. Talk of head, why a State Trial does not require more to carry it on, and possibly it may not be of as much consequence whether it is lost or gained as many of our races. I stated in the commencement of these papers that a certain degree of education would be very de- sirable in a person who undertakes breaking young horses, and also in a trainer : I trust my Reader will think that it would be equally advantageous to the jockey. That there are many good jockeys without, we know ; but I maintain that they would probably have been still better with, with of course the addition of practice as well. I remember to have spoken in a few opinions lately in no flattering terms of Gentle- men-jockeys (that is, as jockeys) ; but this says no- thing against my theory. I must have education and practice combined to produce better jockeys than we have, and it is from the want of practice only that Gentlemen fail : but though they seldom ride a race well, if they were ignorant men, with the little prac- tice they have, they would ride it still worse than they do. I know theoretical principles alone will never make a workman in anything ; but the man who commences with a good stock of them will much sooner become one than a man who has none. No Gentleman will undergo the necessary ordeal to make him a perfect jockey ; yet there are some Gentlemen whose names I could mention who could tell most jockeys a great deal more than the latter know of their business (the practical part excepted). I will mention one of our Aristocracy who can ride very nearly as well as our best professional jocks, and much better than nine out of ten of the others General SUCH PAY BETTER THAN HALF TAT. 133 Gilbert. He only wants the ordinary jockey's practice to be perfect. Here education (the precursor to fine judgment in anything a man undertakes) has led to what most jockeys want head. If poor Pavis had had such a head, he would have been a still more perfect jockey on his horse, and about twenty times a more sensible man when off. Some jockeys will perhaps ridicule the idea of education improving them : I dare say they will : all, or nearly all, igno- rant persons are self-sufficient enough, and hate any theory. I should say to such, " Quid rides? de te fabula narratur" In these " piping times of peace," in this era of general distress, when we see close relatives of No- bility toiling their eight hours at the desk of a Public Office for 80/. or 90/. per annum, we are led to think that it matters little in what way a man can make his 300^. or 400/. a-year, provided the occupation is not in itself disgraceful. We might, therefore, expect that we should have some very superior men now fol- lowing the occupation of professional riders ; but there are many things that will always prevent this being the case. With a very few exceptions, I do not call to my recollection more than a very few Powell, the M'Donoughs, Mayne, and a few others, for in- stance though Mayne was hardly to be called pub- licly professional, as he only trained and sometimes rode for Lord Howth. But these can only ride at high weights, Powell particularly so, who never would deny to himself or his friend any of the good things of this life (if he could help it); therefore can be only considered as steeple-chase riders. I think I am within the mark when I say, not one man in a thou- sand can ride the weight of a flat-race rider, and cer- K 3 134 SELF-DENIAL EXEMPLIFIED. tainly no man can hope to make a good income as such a jock who cannot get on his horse at Derby weight ; and many of those who can, do it at an expense of bodily discomfort that nothing but habit enables a man to bear, and of which few persons are aware. It is not quite agreeable to see every one enjoying themselves but oneself. After a good dinner, it is all very fine to say it matters little what a man eats ; but when the quality and the quantity of these vulgar creature- comforts are both limited to the smallest de- gree of nourishment the frame is capable of enduring, the thing is not quite so pleasant, particularly when to this are added certain little walks of a diaphoretic na- ture that are in no way pleasing addenda to the maigre days. Nothing can be pleasanter than to go on a visit to the Noble Patrons of the Eglinton Park, Croxton Park, or Bibury Meetings (where the weights are made to suit Gentlemen), and there to show off as one of the jocks. We will suppose a jock (that is to be on to- morrow) at the dinner-table : a few sips of white soup or julienne, with a glass of sherry, prepare him for two or three forkfuls of turbot, or John Dory, or the fish most in season: "Champagne, Sir!" a slice of venison (the sauce is exquisite) : " Champagne, Sir!" the chapon aux truffes is magnificent (Cham- pagne): a minute particle of the vol-au-vent brings on another " Champagne, Sir." As our jock considers he must keep on the muzzle, he determines to be abste- mious, and finishes with merely an orange fritter and some jelly. Stilton, Parmesan, or Gruyere? Neither. Macaroni is lighter for a jock, who is now enabled to wait for the dessert, the more so, as, from having taken so little, he has had a glass of Mareschino to prevent any cramp in the stomach : and this emboldens him " TAKE THE GOOD THE GODS PROVIDE." 135 to venture on a little ice, and then an olive, taken to prepare him for the Claret. Here we will leave him till we find him revelling in the greater enjoyment of the society of the Ladies in the drawing-room. There conversation, music, charades, tableaux vivans, and perhaps a quadrille got up at the moment, bring on the tray-supper, only a tray-supper, but constituting every delicacy that can tempt aristocratic appetite. He eats that is, vulgarly eats nothing; but, bird- like, pecks a grain of many things. In short, his abstemiousness amounts in point of fact to the same thing as if he had devoured a couple of good mutton- chops. He now begins to think that with the aid of his valet, he can get to bed. In the morning, break- fast : jocks should not eat breakfasts ; he will only therefore take something light. Chocolate ? No. A cup of Mocha enlivens, and gives energy to the nerves : three or four plover's eggs are light ; so are prawns, a potted lamprey, and a mere forkful of galantine de gibier aux truffes. Fearing his wasting system may not have produced the effect of making him lighter, he determines on a walk after breakfast ; and really takes one as far as the conservatory with the Ladies, visits the gold fish in their marble ocean, and takes a peep at the gold and silver pheasants. It is now time to dress, and on go the gossamer boots , ditto ditto unmentionables and satin jacket : over this such a love of a Chesterfield or Taglioni ! Notwithstanding- all this, he is no puppy nor fool, and perhaps rides his race well, and with plenty of nerve (considering the deprivations he has submitted to), and that with a 41b. saddle he can ride 12 st. I am afraid my jock who has to 'ride 7st. 12 lb., has not passed his time quite so pleasantly. While the K 4 136 A LIGHT SUPPER, WHOLESOME VERY. one was at dinner, the other was getting his tea ; din- ner he had none ; some dry toast and a cup of tea suffice in place of the other's three meals : notwith- standing which, he finds himself over- weight in the O i O morning. He also takes his walk; but rather in a different way : a couple of flannel waistcoats, ditto drawers, a great coat, flannel cap, and a fast walk of two or three miles out and back is not visiting the gold fish. Nor would one cup of tea and bit of dry toast be quite agreeable to our Gentleman-jock. It is not to be wondered at, therefore, that we have so few men of education making riding races a profession : still, as some boys select this occupation, if as boys they were brought to think more than they are, I maintain they would become more scientific, and consequently much better jockeys from this sort of education. Having said thus much of the different functionaries of the Turf, let us now inquire how far Hunting may require head in its pursuit. I doubt not there are many persons who think any ordinary fellow who can "whoop" and "halloo," blow a horn, and ride boldly, is good enough for a Huntsman. Of course no Sportsman thinks this ; but I am not making these observations for the edification of Sportsmen : I never, on any occasion, presume to write for their instruction : but I am en- deavouring to show those of the world who are not Sportsmen that our pursuits approach nearer to their own in point of the requisite of mind (or as I have termed it head) than they have hitherto supposed. If I succeed in this, my most aspiring hope will be realised. I have always considered, that, take him all in all, HUNTSMEN SOMETIMES PUPPIES. 137 a Huntsman who is first-rate as a kennel Huntsman, and moderately good in the field, supposing the entire management of the pack was left to him, would during a season show more sport than if his attributes were reversed. If I am wrong in this opinion, I am (as I hope I am on every occasion) open to correction. My reasons for having always held this opinion are, that if the pack are bad in themselves, the best Chase Huntsman on earth cannot make them good ; if they are good (in a general way), the less a Huntsman interferes with them the better. I have known many crack coachmen, whose great fault was driving too much. Mayne, whom I have mentioned as a race- rider, though a most superior horseman, always rode too much : he never could keep quiet in his saddle, but was always doing something with his horse, and sometimes beat him by doing what he considered was assisting him. I have seen many crack Huntsmen who I felt perfectly convinced hunted their hounds too much ; in short, wanted to kill their fox by their own sagacity instead of allowing their hounds to do so by theirs, and would all but take them off their noses to get the credit of a knowing cast a degree of puppyism and arrogance in a Huntsman which I consider quite unpardonable. I shall quote an in- stance of this kind of thing, and the Huntsman's excuse for it. Hounds were running with a burning scent, but came to a check : a couple or two shortly hit it off; the pack joined, and away they were going, when, to every one's astonishment, the First Whip was sent to get them back, the Huntsman riding, hal- looing, and blowing his horn in a different direction. Pie made a cast, but not a hound owned the vestige of a scent; so he was forced to try back (hateful at 138 THE SCHOOLMASTER WANTED. all times to a fox-hunter). Coming to the spot where they were carrying the scent when stopped, they hit it off again, and finally ran in to their fox. The Huntsman being required to explain his mo- tive for taking his hounds off their line, said he thought they must be hunting foul, as no fox should have taken that line of country : his point ought to have been such a covert. On being told that foxes would sometimes follow their own opinions instead of his in such particulars, he merely said, " If the fox was a fool, it was no fault of his." So much for Huntsmen relying on their own opinion instead of the sagacity and natural instinct of their hounds ! That a great deal of cleverness may be shown by a Hunts- man in the field, we all know ; and that at times he may greatly assist hounds is equally clear ; but these aids (to kill a fox fairly) should only be given where from a bad- seen ting day, a known bad-scenting coun- try, or a fox having gone away long before he was hit upon, prevents hounds exercising their gift of nose. A sudden change in the atmosphere, a par- ticularly harsh dry piece of ground, are fair excuses for giving hounds a lift, for they are then on unequal terms with their fox. He can make use of his legs to escape ; they cannot, in such circumstances, make effectual use of their noses to follow him. Here, by making a judicious cast forward, a Huntsman shows his tact, and here we may allow him to exercise his judg- ment as to the point he considers his fox is making for ; and probably he will be right, except, as our late mentioned friend said, " the fox is a fool." Here the sagacity of the Huntsman will probably be greater than that of the hound, a sequitur by no means to be relied on in all cases. The distinctive line between instinct and reason, the most talented have found it QUALIFICATIONS OF THE SCHOOLMASTER. 139 very difficult, if not impossible, to define. We are not aware that animals reflect so as to combine circum- stances : now, more or less, a Huntsman does or ought to do this, and this tells him where to make his cast. The hound (and the higher bred he is the greater would be the probability of his doing it) would, if left to himself, most likely, on losing all scent, make a short cast or two, and then, not succeeding, would trot quietly home or wherever his fancy led him. I have come in contact with many Huntsmen, and I think I can say that, without exception, I have invariably found the man of the best general information the best Hunts- man, whether in the field or kennel. Some excel in the one particular, others in the other, but very few indeed in both. Still I must adhere to my opinion, that a real good kennel Huntsman requires the most head . The chief requisites of a Huntsman in the field I conceive to be, a perfect knowledge of his country, both as to locality and its scenting qualities ; the points for which foxes in a general way make when found in particular places and with particular winds, which will generally be the same, except with strange foxes in the clickitting season; and, further, a perfect know- ledge of the qualifications of the different hounds in his pack, and consequently how far they are to be trusted. Some hounds, we all know, like some men, will show, or rather commit, little peccadillos when in covert and out of sight : they may, nevertheless, be capital chase hounds, and perfectly steady where they know they are watched ; for, reflect or not, they have reflection (or a something else) enough to be quite awake to this. Some hounds are capital finders, and will work through every foot of the thickest covert : others are dandies, and do not like tearing their skins 140 LOSS OF POWER IS A NATION'S LOSS. or even coats with thorns or gorse. Some almost in- variably take the lead on a fox going away, and, if he is run into in twenty minutes, go for that time like me- teors : others, particularly some old hounds, let these flash gentlemen make all the running, and when they find their fox sinking, first make a quotation, "finis coronat opus" then get to the head, and kill their fox. I am not joking as to the hound making a quotation : I only conclude he makes it inwardly ; whereas Ba- laam's ass held forth loudly and in good set phrase. If so, surely my hound may be allowed a little quiet quotation to himself. Supposing a Huntsman to possess the requisites I have mentioned, and to be a good horseman, I should say he will do well enough ! but to do this he must have no block head. Of the First Whip, I need say no more than that he requires to the full as much, if not more, head in the field than the Huntsman. There is one little ad- dition to his general business that it would be a great advantage to fox-hunting to delegate to him (if we could) : he is expected to correct young hounds that run riot either at covert or in chase why not some young gentlemen who not unfrequently do the same ? We will now look in at the kennel, by the general appearance of which and its inhabitants a practised eye will at once detect what sort of head conducts the establishment. Poor Power used to say, when acting the part of a Prince in Teddy the Tiler, " You same to think it's as aisy to make a Prince as a had of mortar." Of the relative difficulty of making these two articles I am not a judge, never having made a Prince. A hod of mortar I really have manufactured, and therefore can only humbly venture a surmise, that if I was for- " LITTLE TIGS MAKE THE BEST OF BACON." 141 tunate enough to be permitted to try, I could manu- facture a lot of Princes with less labour, and certainly by a more agreeable process. Of one thing I am certain, it is much easier to make what will do well enough for a Prince than it is to make a pack of fox- hounds at least a good pack. If a man happens to come into a large property, it is very easy to say, "I will have a pack of fox-hounds; and such he may readily get; that is, he may get thirty- five or forty couples of dogs, and those fox-hounds ; and probably, if he is weak enough to accept them, he may get a great proportion of those given him. He may also get twenty hunters in his stable, and these may be really good ones, if he gives money enough. As to his pack (unless he finds some one giving up a country), at the end of three or four seasons I should like to see how he was getting on ; but till then I should excuse myself hunting with him, unless, which God forbid, all the Masters of long-standing packs were to give up hunting. This need not deter any one from feeling confident that by patience, perse- verance, and the help of sTgood head, he will in time get together a good pack of hounds. " We must all make a beginning ; and here goes," as the flea said when he gave the elephant his first nibble on his breech, fully intending to pick his bones. I do not mean that forming a pack of fox-hounds amounts quite to this ; but the tyro will find it a matter of more difficulty than he probable anticipated. Of all wretches in the shape of dogs, none are more so than sporting dogs when bad ones ; a fox-hound or grey- hound particularly so: a bad pointer sometimes makes a capital watch-dog. This, by-the-by, brings to my recollection an acquaintance of mine who hunted with 142 BATTUKING. the Epping hounds (at least so he said, for I never joined the Hunt). He came to see me, on my pro- mising to mount him with the (then) King's hounds and the Old Berkeley ; but wishing to show himself a Sportsman in every way, he brought down a bran new Manton and (as I afterwards found out) a bran new dog. He stated that he brought but one, concluding I was a shot. Now I never pointed a gun at a head of game in my life. I did, as a boy, knock swallows and pigeons about, and made sad devastation along the hedgerows ; and as I always insisted on the con- tents of my bag or pockets being made into pies, I may fairly assert, that I have devoured more larks, blackbirds, thrushes, sparrows, chaffinches, green- finches, and every other finch, than perhaps any man in England, for no sort came amiss to me. So much for my shooting exploits. On expressing my regret at not having pointers or setters to lend, I offered as a substitute the choice of half-a-dozen capital bull- terriers, or a French dog, which would ring the bell, fetch my hat, stand on his head, and perform various other exhibitions, and might (for all I knew) find game. However, my offer was declined, adding, with a self- satisfied look, that "his favourite was quite sufficient single-handed : he had always found him so whenever he had tried him." (This was the truth.) Off we went, with a stable-boy carrying a new game-pannier. Carlo appeared perfectly steady, which my friend told me he was warranted to be when he first bought him, but he did not say that was within three days, and of some fellow in the City Road. Well, he trotted along after us as if he was led in a string. On getting to some fields where I knew birds always laid, his master gave the important wave of his arm, and " hie on ! " A RUM DISTILLER. 143 Carlo looked very much like wondering what the devil he meant. " Hie away ! " cries his master in a louder tone. Carlo looked up in his face, and wagged his tail. His master said he was a timid, meek dog. He patted, and encouraged him. Carlo, in gratitude, saluted him with his dirty paws on the white cords. " Hie on, good dog ! " Carlo did now poke his nose into a furrow, very much as if he was looking for a mouse. My poor City friend could stand it no lon- ger : he flew into a rage ; and while I was bursting my sides laughing, he gave Carlo a whack with his gun, who in return gave an awful yell, and then incon- tinently took to his scrapers, topped the field-gate like a greyhound, and on our going to the hedge to look after the valuable animal, we saw him half a mile on the London high road at top speed ; and as it was but twenty miles to town, I doubt not but Carlo r got safe back to his kennel in the City Koad before even- ing. I had asked a couple of friends to meet my City acquaintance ; but spared him by not even mentioning Carlo. However, he could not stand the thing. My boy had told the story in the stable and kitchen, and off the Epping hero went the next morning. I dare say I lost a good thing by not seeing him go with hounds. Now, though I am no shot, I know when a pointer behaves well or not ; and as Carlo certainly afforded me ten times the amusement I should have enjoyed from the best dog Osbaldeston ever shot over, it is ungrateful in me to say a word in his dispraise. But I must candidly allow, that, if I did shoot, he was not just the sort I should like. Head was wanting in this case, either in the dog or his tutor, or both. With many apologies to my Readers for this digres- 144 OLD ENGLISH FARE. sion, I will now return" to the Kennel Huntsman. I must beg my Readers not to suppose the duty of a Huntsman when out of the field to consist merely in seeing his hounds eat their pudding. " Do fox-hounds eat pudding?" I think I hear some schoolboy ask, or perhaps some gentleman who may have left school some forty years (if either happen to read what I have written). Indeed, my good sir, they do, and beef, and broth, vegetables, milk, and other good things, at times ; and what is more, each gentleman hound is separately invited to dinner, ushered into the dining-room with all proper ceremony ; and when there, if he does not conduct himself with proper dog courtesy to his fellow guests, is very severely repri- manded. I am free to allow the said guests, or most of them, do follow the American table-d?lwte custom of helping themselves to anything and everything within their reach, eating as fast and as much as they can, and then taking themselves off, the dinner conversa- tion consisting in both cases of an occasional growl when interrupted in the process of bolting, I do not say masticating, their food. That seeing his hounds get proper food, in proper quantities, proper medicine, and proper exercise, is one duty of the Huntsman, most persons know ; but where head in him is chiefly required, is in the breed- ing of such hounds as are adapted to his particular country. Hounds that will sail away over the large inclosures and fine scenting-ground of Leicestershire would make no hand of some of our cold clayey small inclosed countries, nor would they like the dry flints of Kent. Hounds may be too highly bred for some countries, where they hardly dare throw up their heads for twenty strides together, but must pick it " STAND NOT, ETC. ETC., BUT GO AT ONCE." 145 out every yard. Such hounds would lose patience, overrun the scent, and in such cases, their blood being up, would hunt anything, ay, the parson of the parish, if they got on the "scent of him, and possibly kill him too, if they ran in to him. God send an attorney or two I know in his place ! That great judgement is required in forming a really perfect pack is shown by the fact, that where the master understands the thing, and will take the trouble of attending to it, we always see the best packs. Few huntsmen could have got together such a pack as the Raby when Lord Darlington personally attended to the breeding and hunting them ; or such as at one time the Ward lady pack, and some others of the present day. Both the packs I have mentioned I saw when quite a boy, and have never forgotten them. This perfection was, however, the result of years of experience and expense. Hounds must not only have different qualifications as to speed for different countries, but different shape and make. In an open country, where hounds I may say race in to their fox, the tall, very high-bred, and somewhat loose coupled hound is required. In such countries where foxes go long distances in search of prey (and coverts generally lay wide), they (not the coverts} are in good wind, seldom over fat, and, knowing they have only speed to trust to to save themselves, go off at once, and go in earnest. If, therefore, their speed is great, what must the pace be to catch them ? Such hounds would not do however in hilly countries : hills would tire them to death ; while their game, being a shorter legged animal, would beat them hollow. Here the well knit, low, long and broad hound must be had : here positive physical strength is wanting both in VOL. I. L 146 LONG TAILS AND SHOUT TAILS. hounds and horses. Fine noses are unquestionably most desirable in all hounds and in all countries, but are more indispensable in some instances than in others. I should say, where the very finest are re- quired is in an open bad-scenting country. Here hounds have little or nothing in the shape of fences to stop them ; and to carry on a slight scent at a racing pace requires the ne plus ultra of a nose. A very thickly enclosed country does not allow hounds to go this pace ; consequently, if it is a bad- scenting one, hounds are more disposed to stoop to a scent. Speed is also a great desideratum in a hound ; but, as in horses, there are two distinct sorts of speed, something like that of the greyhound and the rabbit. Now match these to run a hundred yards and start, I am not quite clear but bunny would have the best of it. He would get half the distance before the longtail would get to half his speed. Perhaps we should call the first quickness, the latter speed. It is this sort of rabbit-like quickness we want both in hounds and nags in a very inclosed country : both must be able to get to their best pace at once. Put me in a country where the fields were only an acre each, and on a quick cob, I would beat old Vivian in his palmy days, unless he is very much altered since the time I knew him ten years since I mean, altered as to being quick and handy : he is altered enough in every other way. Now these different requisites a huntsman has to get into his hounds for his particular country, which can only be effected by judicious crosses: nor are they to be obtained in the first generation. Put a remarkably speedy, dashing, flighty dog to a meek, steady, slow, close line hunting bitch, or vice versa, we must not flatter ourselves we shall " SUAVITER IN MODO, FORTITER IN RE." 147 arrive at the happy medium. We may have got nearer to what we want ; but the produce may be too high or too low, may still have too much of the glare and dash of the one parent, or too much of the want of it of the other. We must now cross again, and persevere till we arrive at perfection, or near it. This, it will be perceived, is not come at in one or two seasons ; and, in a general way, I think I shall be found somewhat near the mark when I said that in about four seasons I should like to take a peep at a newly organised pack ; and then I make the proviso, that a head of the right sort has been at work for them ; if not, commend me to two or three good terriers in a barn full of rats : I should here at all events see some description of sport carried on as it ought to be. Let me add another thing ; I know of few situa- tions a man can be placed in to call forth all the attributes of a perfect gentleman so much as being the master of fox-hounds : he has so many interests to consult so many opinions (and many of them ridiculous ones) to listen to often so much ill- breeding in the field to bear so many tempers to conciliate that nothing but the greatest urbanity of manner, added to steady determination, can carry him through ; and this even after he has brought his pack to be all but faultless. I hope my readers will now agree with me, that to manage a pack of fox- hounds, requires more head than those who think it does not probably possess. We now see weekly so many steeple-chases adver- tised, that we may be led to the inference that either it requires very little or no head to ride one, or that the English have become all at once more than usually L 2 148 A DEGENERATE RACE. enlightened. Neither of these premises are, however, the fact, though the increased number of steeple- races is. That numbers of persons do now ride in these races is quite clear ; so numbers ride in the Park ; yet in both these cases I could pick out a few simple ones. To ride a steeple-chase well, like doing every thing else well, certainly requires considerable skill ; but I cannot consider it requires by many de- grees the same skill as riding a flat race. In the latter case, horses are often so very equally matched that the best jockey is (barring unforeseen circum- stances) all but sure to win : if the talents of two jockeys are very disproportioned, I should say the thing was certain. Now in a steeple-race the thing is not drawn so fine. Many horses start for a steeple- race, the owners and riders of which perfectly well know, that unless some accident or mistake, or not happening to be in their best form on that day, occurs to some two or three others' horses, their own has no earthly chance : but such accidents do occur, and their horse is let go, hoping (charitably one would say) that some of these accidents will overtake the favourites. When any of these races end in a close thing, the skill of the jockey can hardly be shown : both horses are so beat that it is only how far whip and spur and lasting may enable one poor brute to canter in before the other. This is my objection to making steeple-races four miles : it always produces a long tailing business, occasions serious accidents, broken backs and bones, and ends in no race at all. In Ireland, at Ashbourne, and other two-mile steeple-races, I have seen six or seven horses top the last fence nearly abreast at something like a racing pace, and really an interesting struggle take place " GOOD NIGHT GOOD NIGHT, AND IS IT SO?" 149 horses blown I will allow, but not worn out by fatigue. Here real jockeyship is available: the horse has some- thing left in him for the jockey to have recourse to, and head and hands are of importance. A consider- able portion of judgment and knowledge of a horse's particular powers are quite requisite in a steeple-race: numbers of those who do ride think little about this ; consequently, they would be beat on very superior horses by first-rate riders on bad ones. Some horses, for instance, have extraordinary powers throug hdirt. I have generally found such horses go well up and down hill. At this game they will go a pace that would choke many others. These horses can generally go nearly the same pace from end to end ; whereas in deep soil the more brilliant and faster horse has to be nursed, and must trust to speed when he gets 011 galloping ground. Some horses require driving at their fences ; others, holding hard : some like to go at them, and will do so, in spite of you, like a steam- engine ; others would be frightened if rode at them in this way : some horses, like old Vivian, will jump though dead tired : others will only do so (with any safety) when quite fresh (and mighty pleasant animals the latter are to ride four miles). Many horses, if a little blown, by taking a pull at them will recover, while others will not, but, if once distressed, put on their night-caps, and desire you to " call on them to-mor- row." Geldings I have generally found recover wind sooner than stallions; that is, when in hunting condi- tion : when drawn fine as race-horses, the difference between them is trifling, if any. All these things must be, and are, attended to when we put a first- rate man up to ride. He has a certain stock of animal power given him at starting, and his good judgment L 3 150 " BE WISE IN TIME." teaches him how to husband it, so as to keep the most he can to bring him home again : but he must have a head to think and hands to do it ; and as for heels, he will want a little of them too ; but, if an artist, he will never use them improperly or when he can do without them. I saw some very proper remarks made lately in a Sporting Journal on the unfairness of the ground marked out for a steeple-chase. Now, I know many of our first-rate riders: I wish them well; and, in proof of this, tell them that if they break all their necks it serves them right. These are all valuable men to the sporting world ; many of them valuable members of society : What the d 1 business have they to go risk- ing their necks over improper and unfair courses to please the gaping multitude, or in obedience to the wishes of men who would not themselves ride over half the course for all the land it covered ? If the first-rate riders were all to join and object to unfair courses, they would show their good sense, and the thing would be better arranged. Ordinary hunting fences are dangerous enough at the pace they are forced to ride at them ; but to ask men to ride at fences made dangerous purposely, and that at a part of the race when horses are beat, is most unfair, un- sportsmanlike, selfish, and cruel. If they fancy that an objection on their parts would lay them open to a charge of fear, I would ask, would any man doubt the courage of such men as the Marquis of Anglesey, Lord Ponsonby, or Colonel Wyndham, should either or all of these decline a duel with muskets at six paces ? Men of their established courage might re- fuse to face a pop-gun if they chose : so might our known steeple-chase riders refuse to break their bones A SPORTING JURY. 151 for the gratification of the public. Would any man suppose Powell, Oliver, M'Donough, and many others, did it through fear, or from any other motive than a duty they really owe to themselves, their families, and friends ? I suspect those gentlemen who so obligingly lay out these break-neck courses would hang back a little, if, in case of accident, they were called on to support a man crippled through their kindness. If I had the laying out steeple-race courses, I would on all occasions call in, say five known steeple-chase riders who were not to ride in that particular race, and take the majority of their opinions as to the fair- ness of the course, or of any particular fence in it. This would set the thing to rights. Nor do I con- sider any man ought to be allowed to mark out a course unless he be a rider himself, or would be willing to ride over it. I have heard many masters order their servants to ride a horse at a fence they dare not attempt themselves : this may be fair enough, if their fear arises from the apprehension of tumbling off; but to ask a servant to ride at a place we think too dangerous in itself to risk our own necks at, is, I humbly conceive, neither more nor less than a cowardly stretch of power. If I had repeatedly put a horse at a fence, and could not get him to face it, and Oliver happened to be by, I might ask him (knowing him a better horseman than myself) to see what he could do. This would be all fair, and most probably he would succeed : at all events, I will answer for him he would with perfect good humour try. Half the ordinary run of men in riding at fences are forced to occupy their attention in keeping their seats : this gives them quite enough to do ; con- sequently, steadying their horse in going to his fence, B 4 152 ATMOSPHERIC STEEPLE-CHASERS. assisting him in rising at it, and, what is of quite as much importance, supporting him on landing, is out of the question. Now all this is done by a horse- man : his only fear is that his horse may refuse ; that his powers may not be equal to the fence to be got over; or that, from its extreme awkward nature, he may fall. Of himself that is, his seat he en- tertains no concern : and I firmly believe, if Powell or Oliver wanted to go to Bath, and their horse could take off at Hyde Park Corner, clearing Windsor Castle in his way, they would consider it as pleasant a mode of transit as you could give them. Talking of seat, I cannot help mentioning an in- stance of perfection in this way that came under my notice when seeing Powell riding Primrose in a steeple-race (a sharpish little mare with ten stone on her I think in this case she carried near, if not quite, twelve). About the middle of the race they had to face a bullfinch, with an honest fifteen-feet brook on the other side : but what constituted the danger was first, the coming to it was down hill ; secondly, the horses could not see the brook till they rose at the leap ; and, thirdly, there was but one narrow pene- trable place in the hedge. For this of course they would all make : and I consider, in such a case, racing to it for lead to be one of the most dangerous ma- noeuvres in a steeple-race. Fortunately, Powell had sufficient lead to render this unnecessary: at it he came, and over all he went : the weight told on poor Primrose, and down she came on her knees on land- ing. This kind of thing, hunting men know by expe- rience, gives one about the same gentle inclination to go over one's horse's ears that a cannon ball gets from a quantum suff. charge of gunpowder. Not so, how- COUNTERFEIT RESEMBLANCE OF TWO BROTHERS. 153 ever in this case. There sat our friend Powell as cool and erect as one of the Life Guards we see in Parlia- ment Street, his mare as fast held, and his hands in the same place they were when galloping over the preceding meadow. Up he had her, and off before the next horse took the leap. So much for seat. To have this in perfection, and the strongest nerve, are certainly both indispensable if a man means to ride steeple-races, or indeed to hounds, and to ride well. This reminds me of what Tom Belcher once said to a sixteen-stone friend of mine, who thought himself pretty much of a man, and wanted to study sparring. Tom looked at him: "Well," said he, "you're big enough, if you're good enough ; but before you learn sparring, let me ask you one question Can you bear licking ? for I don't care how good you may be, you will be sure to find some customer to make you nap it, though you may lick him." So, if a man is afraid of a fall, he has no busi- ness hunting, much less steeple-racing. Still seat and nerve alone will not do. If they were the ne plus ultra of a rider, Mr. W. M'Donough would ride better than his brother ; for of the two, I should say he was the boldest, or, in alluding to him, I should say the most desperate rider. Why then cannot he ride as well as the other ? Why I do not say : but he can- not, and, what is more, never will ; and I have no doubt he is aware of it, giving him at the same time every credit for being a very superior horseman. A. M'Donough possesses certain qualifications that must always make him " deserve, when he cannot command, success" great courage, a quick eye to his own and other horses, a good judge of pace, great patience (a rare quality in a young one), never takes more out 154 PRACTICAL LESSONS. of his horse than he can help, and never uses whip or spur without absolute occasion. I really believe some men are born horsemen. I will mention one in the person of a young man who has lately rode a good deal in England Byrne. I think I may venture to say he never was on a horse till he was twelve years old : his father was no horse- man ; nor did the young one ever get his riding edu- cation in a school ; if he had, he would never have rode as he can. He had a love born in him for horses, and the way he made himself a horseman was this : he got leave to ride horses (not race-horses) at exercise, and tumbled off till he learned to stick on ; and riding all sorts gave him hands, which he very shortly got to perfection. I know no man living who can make a perfect gentleman's hunter better than Byrne : at the same time, if I was asked whether I would as soon put him on a horse to ride a steeple-race as Oliver, Powell, and some half-dozen others, I should say, no : he has not had their experience, though perhaps as horsemen there may be very little difference between them and him. But, without alluding to natural abilities, expe- rience generally gives head : it also (but not always) gives hands; every fool has heels; and the greater the fool the less likely he is to forget it, or allow his horse to forget it either. I like to see a man ride bold and straight to hounds ; but I also like to see him ride with judgment ; and, as I have on a former occasion said, I am convinced, in a general way, the men who do ride the straightest distress their horses the least. A bold rider and merely a hard rider are two very different people : the first, in a fair and sportsman- like way, shares the danger with his horse ; in fact, A HARD EIDER. . 155 risks both their lives and limbs together like an honest fellow : the other merely takes it out of his unfortu- nate horse where his own dearly and well-beloved neck is in no danger. I hate such a self-loving devil, though I value my neck as much as others, and think a boy of mine was not far out in an observation he made - something like the one made by Abernethy when a patient remarked that it gave him great pain to raise his arm : " What a fool you must be then," said he, " to raise it." My boy said nearly the same in effect. I was hunting with Ward : this boy was on a five-year- old, quieting him to hounds. Will the Whip was on a beast of a mare they called Long Jane, and long enough, high enough, and lanky enough, Long Jane was : in short, as one of the machines for boys to practise gymnastics upon, she would have been invaluable. Poor Will put her at a ditch, and in she went. " D thy eyes (says Will), I knew thee would'st tumble in when I put thee at it." " Then what a d fool you must have been to have done it ! " says the boy; who by-the-bye would ride at any thing, the only difference being, he never thought he should fall, or rather his horse. I certainly have rode at many fences where I thought I stood a very fair chance of a purl ; but as certainly never rode at one where, as Will said, / knew I should get it. A hard rider is another thing. I will mention one who lived on the middle of the hill going from Egham to Englefield green : his name I forget, but Charles Davis can vouch for the truth of my picture of the man, who always hunted with the king's harriers when Davis whipped in to his father (one of the most respectable and superior men of his standing in life I ever knew). This said hard rider weighed about 156 A KIND HUSBAND. 14 st., and kept a miserable little pony, on which he hunted. He never was quiet. The moment a hound challenged, in went the spurs, and off he was, as if a fox was found in an open country. I believe he hunted the poor pony to death. I met him some time afterwards, when he told me he had bought a regular hunter, and on this he appeared some time afterwards, in the person of a black galloway mare, about 13^ hands, and thin as a lath. If he rode as he did on the pony, what did he do on this superior animal ? He put on the steam in good earnest till she stopped. On my remonstrating with him on his cruelty, he re- marked he was always a liar d rider ! Now this bears me out in what I once stated in my Remarks on Cruelty, " that a man who was cruel to his horse would be found so in every situation in life." I was told a greater brute to a wife never existed than this hard rider. He had neither head nor hands ; but he had heels, and spurs on them for his horse ; and, if re- port says true, arms and fists, or a stick at the end of them for his wife : at any rate he saw the end of her. I make no doubt but the generality of the hunting men of 1844 will contend that hunting never was known in such perfection as during the last twenty years. Quite younkers, I know, think that even twenty years since people knew little about doing it as they think it ought to be done : but as to the sport their fathers enjoyed when of their age, they consider the thing must have been a burlesque upon hunting. These young gentlemen are a little too fast ; and I maintain that hunting may be, nay has already been, too fast. In this I am quite sure many of the best sportsmen will agree with me. It has in fact ceased to be hunting. I love both racing and hunt- HUNTING FOR THE MILLION. 157 ing, but I allow myself to be no admirer of racing- hunting or hunting-racing : the endeavouring to amal- gamate them spoils both. Now I call it racing-hunt- ing where hounds come at once on a fox, go off at his brush, and run into him without a check in twenty minutes. This I am quite willing to allow is very good fun call it fun if you like and I am satisfied ; but no man shall tell me it is fox-hunting. A gentleman in Warwickshire lately bought some fox-hounds : he did not attempt to say he meant fox- hunting ; in fact he never tried for a fox : he avowedly hunted drags. The idea was at first a good deal ridi- culed, but it seemed he knew his field and friends better than they knew themselves, for it took wonder- fully ; and when they found it killed their horses, and they rarely could see the end of the run, they all de- clared it was inimitable. Now if he meant this as a keen bit of satire on his friends' knowledge of hunting, he must have enjoyed the thing amazingly over his fire- side, which I dare say he did, for he knows what hunt- ing is, and can ride. Why not then have some packs of drag-hounds kept, and make three distinct amusements, all good in their way ! We might then have racing in its legiti- mate way, when we wish for such a treat ; drag hunt- ing, when we want a galloping and leaping 'bout ; and hunting, for fox-hunters, instead of two mongrel amusements. What I mean by hunting-racing is, that most perfectly ridiculous custom of introducing hurdles on a race-course, and this when it is not attempted to call it a hunter's stake. This is also fun perhaps, but certainly not racing : and if it took place at a revel among jumping in sacks and grinning through horse-collars, would be a very interesting wind-up. 158 A SHORT TRIAL. I am sorry to say that I fear we have not quite as much head as our ancesters in our system. I hate slow hunting, never liked hare-hunting ; like hounds to go, and keep going ; but I really do think three- quarters' speed fast enough for a hunter ; that is, pro- vided he is fast : if he is not, however good he might be in every other qualification, I would never ride him twice. I might be asked, why, if I think hounds may be bred too fast, do I make speed so much a sine qua non in a hunter ? I will answer this by an observa- tion on a different subject. Whenever I want a buggy-horse, I always try him, and my trial gives far less trouble than most people's, but it is one I never found fail. I first put my horse in a moderate trot say eight miles an hour at the bottom of a moderate hill ; if he willingly keeps the same pace up to the top, I have seldom found him a bad mettled one : if, on the contrary, he begins lagging, hitching in his pace, or shuffling, I have had trial enough : depend on it he is a rogue or a very weak horse. So much for game- ness : for this, though no great trial, it may be said, is a pretty fair criterion to judge by. Now for pace, I always try a horse one mile : if he cannot do that with the most perfect ease a few seconds under four minutes, I never buy him as a regular buggy-horse for the road ; a horse merely to drive in London streets, is another thing. Here showy action only is wanted. Now I do not want to drive twenty miles faster than other people, but I will have fast ones, for two reasons ; I do like now and then, if I find some one on the road driving at me because he thinks he has a goer, to take the conceit out of him. Half a mile does this, and gets rid of him : he then leaves you to enjoy your own dust, if there is any, without "KEEP THEIR HEADS STRAIGHT, THEY'LL ALL JUMP." 159 the pleasing addition of his. But a far more sensible reason for liking a fast one is this : if he can trot at the rate of seventeen miles an hour, going at the rate of ten is play to him. So it is with a hunter : if he is fast enough to catch hounds, he can go with them without distress as to pace : if he is not fast, and very fast, he cannot, and indeed not always even when he is. Speed I must maintain to be the first thing to look at in purchasing a hunter, or a horse to make one of ; and if my friends will be kind enough to find me in speed, I will find myself in neck and jumping. Comparatively speaking, they can all jump if we choose to make them : but they cannot all go. There is not one horse in fifty, with the size, shape, make, and breed of a hunter, that cannot if he pleases take any ordinary fence we meet with in crossing a coun- try. I may be told that perhaps he may not please to do this : this is by no means improbable : we see this sometimes with the best of them, even with steeple-chase horses. In such a particular case, and at that particular fence, we may possibly be beat ; but if he in a general way should not please to jump, he must then put his patience and determination to the test with mine. I will answer for it, in nineteen cases out of twenty I teach him he must jump when and where / please : but I cannot make him go if there is no go in him, and it would be folly and cruelty to attempt it. Head, hands and heels may make him a fencer, but they can't make him a goer. We are told that hounds must now-a-days be very fast to kill their foxes ; that " meets " being often at eleven o'clock, unless hounds get on the best pos- sible terms with their fox, they cannot hunt him : granted. I am afraid that something like Abernethy's 160 THE BEST THING OF THE SEASON. 1845. reply will apply here. My Lord says, " There is so little scent, that if my hounds do not race down their fox, they cannot hunt him down, because we meet so late." Some rude fellow (like myself), who loves fox-Hunting, might say, " Then why the d 1 don't you meet earlier?" Half the field would say, "We can't ; we were all at Lady So-and-so's till four this morning." I know this as well as they do. I know they can't ; at least I know they won't ; for people now-a days must enjoy late parties, and fox-hunting too, but not fox-hunting in perfection, unless they consider hounds racing across country perfection. If they do, it is all very well ; but I really think the Warwickshire drag just as good ; indeed better, for they would kill more horses, and that seems the thing by which we are to judge of the goodness of the day's sport ! If a young man should be asked in the evening what sport he had had in the morning, he would reply, if it had been what he considered good, " Capital ! one of the best things this season : the horses were lying about in all directions ; five died in the field ; I expect to hear by to-morrow's post that mine is dead also." This would be unblushingly told to a lady, I suppose to show what a fine fellow the rider must be ! Now I should really think this to a woman of a reflecting mind would be about as much recommendation as if he had slaughtered an ox, and about as much proof of the soundness of his head as of the goodness of his heart. If a horse breaks a limb, his back, or his neck, hunt- ing, it does not much matter ; it is a fair accident : and there's an end of him : the rider may share the same fate, and sometimes the loss to society is about equal. A horse may occasionally be killed by over- GOING THE TACE. 161 exertion without his rider having felt him particu- larly distressed ; but, when we find men literally boasting of the number of horses killed by themselves and their friends, I am inclined to think the heels have been more at work than the head. When I state that I consider hounds may be bred too fast, I do not mean it solely in allusion to its re- quiring greater speed and exertion on the part of the horses, but that I consider it spoils hunting. We may naturally infer, that, when a man keeps or undertakes the management of a pack of fox- hounds, he is a judge of fox-hunting ; and, as I have before said, I doubt not but some of these gentlemen, if left to their own inclinations, would like a little more real hunting than fashion allows : but those who keep hounds wish to please their friends ; they have also a very pardonable, nay proper, pride in hearing the pack considered a crack one, and this they would not be, though they might kill their fox or a brace a-day, unless they actually coursed him : hunting up to him would not do. So the Master goes with the tide; he is master of the hounds : but fashion is the master of him. One who only manages a pack must of course please his mem- bers, or where is the cash? That, in keeping fox- hounds, goes pretty fast too : so the hounds must go the devil's pace to catch that. I venture a hope, that though I do think it is quite possible hounds may be too fast, my brother Sportsmen will not think that I am too slow, for I like fast ones, in men, horses, or dogs; but my countryman, John Bull, never seems to know any medium ; and for this I can in no way account: his temperament is by no means enthu- siastic in any way ; yet, where fashion leads him, he VOL. I. M 162 A BARONET. always goes the " whole hog," and is never satisfied with what is reasonable. At present, nothing can be fast enough: but I should not be surprised if ten years hence our young sprigs of fashion voted the exertion of going fast a d d bore; and, if they did, we should see them hunting in George the Fourth's pony phaetons. I should then be held as a savage, a kind of Ojibbeway, inadmissible, because I like hounds to go as fast as any fair hunter can carry me, but at the same time letting the pace be such as I can see hounds work a thing I am quite sure many hunting men do not care about one farthing. Fox-hunters used to decry coursers, " the mean murdering coursing crew," but now they bring fox- hunting as near coursing as they can. I have said that going out late produces the neces- sity of having very fast hounds : so it does to a certain degree : but this is not the " be all and the end all here : " fashion is the primum mobile of the thing, and a certain little, and it is a little, feeling among our high-flyers adds to it. For instance : I was travel- ling a few weeks since in one of those old-fashioned vehicles we have heard of, a four-horse coach. In it got as hard-favoured hirsute-looking a homo as one would wish to see in the smiling month of April. They called him Sir Thomas. Oh ! thinks I, judging from his appearance, a Deputy from the King of the Cannibal Islands, knighted for bringing a caudle cup made of a human skull : but I was quite wrong, as I found afterwards. However, not having, as some law term expresses it, the " fear of God " (or at any rate the fear of the Baronet) " before my eyes," we got on very well together that is, neither opening his mouth for the first twelve miles. "At OPINIONS OF A HUNTING COUNTRY. 163 length he spoke : " we got better acquainted ; and at a certain part of the journey I ventured a feeler, by saying it looked like a good hunting country and I assert, a good hunting country it looked undu- lating, but not hilly, fair fences, large inclosures ; and, judging from the foot-marks of cattle and tracks of wheels, seemed as if it had carried sound during winter. But my hirsute companion differed from me, saying he knew the country well, and had hunted every inch of it : it was the d est country he ever rode over. I asked, " Why ? Was it a bad scenting country, or were foxes scarce ?" He said, " Neither: but the foxes were apt to run rings : it rode light, and as the fences were not particularly strong, every fellow could get along, and it was a d d annoy- ance, on two-hundred-guinea horses, to find a pack of farmers, and God knows w~ho, riding with one." This, it seemed, was the only charge he could bring against the country. Well, thinks I, you're an ugly devil to look at, that's poz, and from your speech I suspect not the best fellow in the world to know. So, because a man might not, like him, be able to keep a dozen hunters worth 200 gs. each, yet was fond of hunting, this hairy bit of aristocracy sets up his bristles because he cannot shake him off. I'll answer for it he is a selfish overbearing savage. Now, I tell you what, Ursa Major : I shrewdly suspect the fault did not lie in the country or the nags ; but that you found a few honest fellows, who took the un- warrantable liberty of riding as well or a little better than yourself, and that perhaps over some of their own land, where they were so unmannerly as to " come between the wind and your nobility," even on horses of less value. How 1 should like to mortify M 2 164 THE RIGHT SORT IN MAN OR HOUND. the devil by picking out some forty-pound hack-looking rum-'un, and having a turn at him ! I know nothing of what sort of workman he may be ; probably much better than myself; but as he is neither lighter, younger, nor much handsomer, by the Deity of Hunting, if I ever do meet him with hounds, I'll have a twist with him, even without picking a nag for the express purpose. I mention this anecdote, because it just dovetails with a shrewd suspicion I have often entertained, that the fashionable habit of calling every run a bore that is not racing arises in some measure from the same feeling of selfishness and vanity demonstrated in Sir Hairy Headpiece. This is a very distinct sort of feeling from that which emanates from a good-natured contest with and among brother-sportsmen during a run ; or from that of a high-spirited young-'un, who, in the enthusiasm of youth, would say, " Now only give me the right sort of country, and I'll show you the way." I would clap him on the back, as I would a young hound that had a little too much devil in him, and say, " You'll be one of the right sort when you know a little more : sail away, my fine fellow, and may the winds be prosperous for your voyage through life ! " Young hounds and young Sportsmen should both have a little too much dash about them at first ; nor do I object to see both ready for mischief when it only proceeds from mettle and high blood. A little rating will perhaps set both right : if not, the whipper-in very soon will the one, and a few falls the other ; the breed is right in both. A true fox-hunter and sportsman is no doubt in a general way, however perfect a gentleman he may be, as far removed from an affected fop as two sepa- rate things can be : yet I have seen among men who PUPPIES. 165 ride hunting a very fair sprinkling of the latter, and it is chiefly among these that we hear the complaint that the run is never fast enough or severe enough to please them, insinuating by this that both themselves arid their horses are so superior that what is great to others is bagatelle to them. You will hear such chrysalides pretending to abuse their horse : if he happens to put down his head, they will give him a rap across the ears with their whip, with " hold up brute," to show how little they think of 300/. ; or, " come up, you old cripple ;" or, after a brilliant run, " my old screw went like bricks to-day." These are the sort of gentry that had better stay at home, in- stead of the farmers ; that is, so long as the latter conduct themselves inoffensively. The sort of men I allude to are pests to Masters of Hounds : they are always doing some harm, and don't know how to do good. It is quite proper that Almack's or a Drawing- room should both be exclusive. But fox-hunting is intended for fox-hunters, be they who they may, so long as they conduct themselves like sportsmen in their several grades of life : yet I ain aware there is an esprit du corps among a certain clique that would, if it could, render fox-hunting exclusive also. But in this clique you would never find such names as Dar- lington, Alvanley, Kinnaird, Drumlanrig, Wilton, Howth, Maidstone, Forester, Wyndham, Smith, Oliver, Peel, and a hundred other light and welter weights : these are really horsemen and sportsmen: they go the pace it is true, and an awful pace they do go; and why ? because they must do so to be in their place, and in their place they will be ; but it does not follow that they would not like, by way of variety, to sometimes see a little more hunting and less racing, M 3 1G6 REAL BORES. and would candidly confess they sometimes find tlie pace a leetle stronger than is convenient. They would not be afraid to say so, knowing themselves and their nags to be ne plus ultras; the ephemeri would. I would quite agree in wishing the pace and country to be such as to get rid of the " Pray- cat ch-my -horse" sort of gentry : they are a real nuisance ; therefore it is quite fair to wish to shake them off. If these good people could ride in balloons over one's head, it would be all very well, and I for one should be glad to see them enjoy themselves : they would then be out of the way. In chase, let every one take care of him- self, as the bull said when he danced among the frogs. If you cannot make your own way, do not at all events get in the way of those who can, which these folks always do. Hunting being but an amusement, of course every man has a right to ride as he pleases, provided he does not interfere with his neighbour. If a man chooses to butcher his horse, he may do so if he neither rides over hounds nor induces them to overrun the scent. So have the slow coaches as great a right to help each other out of all the ditches in Christendom if they like, or to carry a lasso to catch each other's horse (I wonder they never thought of this) provided they do not make landowners angry by riding over turnips, wheat, or clover leys to make up lost ground, or herd together in perhaps the only practicable part of a fence, exerting their customary benevolence to each other, all of which they invari- ably do. The pace and country I should like would be just such as to make it necessary for a man to ride bold and straight, or go home, but still to be such as to allow a fox advantage enough to give hounds at times some work to get at him. By work, I mean nose- SPEEES GOOD, BETTEK, AND BEST. 167 work. Without this, I must say, I consider a great deal of the zest, anxiety, and beauty of hunting is lost ; that is, to a man who enjoys seeing hounds, and seeing them hunt ; and dearly I love a fox-hound. If I were asked, whether I did not consider fifty men well mounted setting each other across a certain distance of country a good spree, I should of course say it was ; and if there were no hounds to be got at I should join in it. Doing this with a drag would be a far better spree ; and really if hounds after a fox are only to race across country, it brings hunting merely to spree the third and best. I have, in speaking of the pace hounds now go, made use of the terms now and now-a-days : in doing so, I mean it in reference to what I have heard they did perhaps fifty years ago ; for I am not aware they go faster than they always have gone since I first hunted. I am quite clear that I never saw as good real hunt- ing as my ancestors did. I have seen bolder and better riding most decidedly : but as to hunting, I have seen more of that in one week's cub-hunting than in a whole season's regular hunting ; and I fancy I really do know what hunting means. At all events, I was blooded when only seven years old. It may be said that practice never improves some peo- ple : this may be my case ; if it is, I can't help it. Let us suppose hounds to have been streaming away a burst of four or five miles, have come to a check, and the Huntsman not at the moment up with them. On his getting to them, it would be of the first importance to him to know what hound or hounds were leading, or rather had been. If it were some particular hounds, he would know to all but a certainty that so far his fox had come ; and, on 168 "MORGAN RATTLES." making a cast forward, they would hit it off again. If, on the contrary, the leading hounds were wildish ones, and such as (when assisted by wild riders) he could not quite trust, he would then have to judge for himself, and then head comes in request. XOAV I will venture to say, that, ask three fourths of the Field as to which or what hounds had brought on the scent to a given spot, they had no more looked at the hounds than they had at the Heavens. How should they ? They had been attending to their horses, looking how Lord Such-a-one and the Messrs. So-and-so went: this had given them plenty of work for head, hands, and heels with some perhaps the two latter having been most employed. As to the hounds, whether they had been running riot, heel, or hare, they knew not, and cared not so long as they kept going. Are such fox-hunters ? No ; but I will mention an anecdote of one who was. I was out with the Old Berkeley ; the hounds had been going a killing pace, the Huntsman beat. Mr. M , as bold a rider as ever faced a fence, was as usual up with them. We came to a check : " For God's sake, hold hard ! " cries M : " give them room." Several hounds spoke: not a word of en- couragement from M . At last a couple on the other side of the hedge opened. " Yoicks, Eival and Rory ! " cries M ; " that's it." Over he went with a screech that made the country ring again, capping them on, and riding like mad. In a few fields we ran in to our fox Who-whoop! This was something like the thing, and no mistake ! And now as to pace, so far as it relates to horses. "It is the pace that kills," said Meynell, and he was right. I know what fast, very fast horses are, my weight enabling me to ride thoroughbred ones : but THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT. 169 even blood is to be distressed, and I must say I always feel that when distress comes on, pleasure goes off. Some do not think so ; but of such perhaps the less we say the better. Having hitherto complimented the head and hands quite sufficiently, I am quite ready to allow the heels their fair share ; and so useful do I think them, when controlled by the head and acting in concert with the hands, that when on horseback I consider they should in most cases have a pair of spurs attached to them. The only difference of opinion between myself and some others of their utility consists in this: they begin to use them most when I consider they ought not to be used at all, namely, when their horse is beat. I consider spurs should be worn for more rea- sons than I shall now specify : but of these I will mention a few. Many horses, I think indeed the generality of them, go livelier and safer when they are aware we have spurs on : it keeps them on the qui vive, and frequently prevents them attempting to do wrong, knowing we have so ready a mode of punishment at hand, or rather at heel. If we want an unlooked-for and momentary exertion made, no- thing produces it like the spurs. If a horse becomes refractory, we probably (nay certainly) want both hands for our reins : what could we do in this case without spurs ? With a horse which is apt to swerve at his fences, we cannot so well keep him straight with one hand while we use the whip with the other : here the spurs must come into use, and in such a case, cork him tight, and that with a pair of Latch- ford's best. Still this would not do in all cases. I can mention one. I had a mare, as fine a fencer as ever was ridden, but a little nervous in facing any thing 170 A VERY SENSIBLE MARE. that looked unusually big and thick. I could always tell a hundred yards before I came to it if she was frightened. In this case I just took a gentle pull at her, spoke to her, or gave her a pat on the neck, and over she went to a certainty. " Instead of this," but touch her with a spur, she would stop dead, and kick a town down. For this reason I never rode her with spurs. This is, however, a case of rare occur- rence, though some race-horses will do nothing if they know you have spurs on, and are forced to be ridden without. The mare I allude to had several times sent her late master over her head : she was always a little fidgety on being mounted; but after I had given her a gentle kick or two with my heels, and she found no spurs were in the case, she became perfectly quiet, and one of the pleasantest hunters living. Spurs are at times to be made the means of assist- ing a horse, in deep ground particularly : bring your horse's nose a little closer to his chest, touch him lightly with the spurs, and he collects himself directly, shortens his stride, and gets through dirt with half the labour he would otherwise do. In short, spurs, judiciously used, are a hint to a horse as to what we want him to do, a means of making him do it, and a very proper and severe punishment when he refuses to do this, or at all events to try. But as I think we ought not to wish him to go when in a state unfit to go, though I do not presume to dictate to others, I shall continue my old practice of keeping my spurs quiet just when many others begin making the most use of theirs. I may be wrong, but I am sure my horses have never thought so ; and as I always make them do what is right to please me, I think it but fair MATIEKE EMBROUILLE. 171 I should sometimes do what is just to please them, or, to say the least, not to abuse them. I recollect reading of some student having an author to translate whose writing was somewhat diffi- cult to turn into English, from his peculiar idioms ; so whenever he carne to a passage he could not per- fectly comprehend, he always made a marginal note to this effect, " mailer e embrouille" I shall esteem myself particularly favoured, if, on reading these sheets of " HEADS, HANDS, AND HEELS," the Reader does not make the same note on the whole : but dif- ferent ideas have struck me as I got along, and in my harumscarum omnium gatherum way I have traversed a much wider field than I ever contemplated entering. Having, however, got so far in the mire, I may as well plunge a little farther, and try to get out with as little detriment to myself or the patience of the Reader as I possibly can. I have ventured my crude ideas on colt -breeders, breakers, trainers, jockeys, stable-boys, huntsmen, gentlemen, and I know not whom besides a some- thing about racing, and hounds and hunting and also of riding hunting, which I know is rather a dangerous subject to treat upon : but, as I am seldom personal in my remarks, I trust I as seldom give offence ; and this emboldens me, after having ven- tured some hints on riding, to risk one more on the subject of the kind of horse to ride I mean with hounds. From the days when men went hunting on demi- peak saddles, not merely with cruppers, but a light breeching, their horses' tails in a club, and a large single-headed curb bit, to the year 1750 when our good grandpapas went out at four in the morning 172 BLOOD, LIKE " TIME, WORKS WONDERS." en papillotes with overall worsted stockings, any- thing like a thorough-bred horse as a hunter was never even thought of; and indeed until within the last twenty years the hunter and the race-horse were considered as distinct from each other as two va- luable animals of the same species could well be. In fact, in those days I need go no farther back than fifty years the qualities of the thorough-bred horse were not called for in the hunter, at least they were not indispensable, as they now are ; but such is my predilection in favour of blood, that though hounds did not go the pace fifty years since they do now, I feel satisfied that at the pace they did then go our ancestors would have been much better carried by highly bred horses than they were by the kind of horse they then rode. If hounds went fast, the nearly or quite thorough-bred one could do the thing ; if they did not, he would have carried them with the greater ease. I am quite aware it would be very difficult indeed to get thorough-bred ones equal to some men's weight. If a man is only fit to be moved on a timber-carriage, he must judge for himself; but I really think any moderate weight may, if he selects them properly, and gives money enough, find horses all but, if not quite, thorough-bred that can carry him. In proof of what blood will do, I will mention one instance, and, as it occurred with a horse of my own, I can vouch for its authenticity. A friend of mine, who was an honest sixteen stone in his saddle, had sent his hunter to my house to hunt the next day, and came himself by coach, I engaging to lend him a hack to ride to covert. I had just bought a very neat thorough-bred horse that had been running as a four-year-old ; him I had >c CATCH HIM WHO CAN." 173 ordered to be saddled for myself, and a very fair useful kind of hunter that I drove in my buggy, being a bit of a trotter, for my friend. However, more from joke than any thing else, he would mount the thorough-bred. Having but six miles to go, this did not matter ; but, on coming to the meet, our horses were not there: my friend's groom being a stranger, and the boy who took my horse having lately come to me, they had mistaken the meet. This we did not know, so expected momentarily their arrival. The hounds found immediately, and went off; when, to my utter dismay, off went my friend on my little bit of blood, and, though I conclude he had never seen a fence before, I can only say, having got the start of me, with all the exertion I could make over four miles of fair country, I never could catch him. It is true he had a man on him who would drive a horse either through, in, or over anything; but to see one that I should never have thought of hunting with my weight going such a bat with sixteen stone satisfied me what blood will do. I do not mean to say the horse could have carried him as a hunter; but he had had such a specimen of the little one's game and powers, that he bought and constantly rode him hack ; and, when I saw him two years after- wards, he had not a windgall on any leg. I should have thought our ancestors had a tolerable insight into the weight race-horses can carry, when they saw the Beacon Course run over by one carrying eighteen stone in not above a minute and a half more than it usually takes to do it with eight. Some people, having heard of such things, are apt to carry them too far, and, when told what blood will do, go and buy some weedy bad-const it utioned wretch, and then 174 AN EMBRYO HUNTER. are surprised that he cannot carry them as a hunter. Now a horse may not be worth one farthing as a race- horse, and become first-rate as a hunter ; but then his not racing must not proceed from any other cause than want of speed. If from naturally bad temper, or bad constitution, he shuts up as a race-horse, so he will as a hunter. I am aware, that unless we breed them it is not an easy matter to get a thorough-bred horse likely to make a hunter; still they are to be had. A good made, strengthy, thorough-bred colt may be tried as a two-year-old, and found wanting in speed ; may again be tried at three years, and fail again : he may then be still held over in the hope that when he had nearly done growing he might make a valuable Cup-horse, and thus persevered with till five years old, occasionally beating still worse than himself, so as just to delude his owner, which such horses usually do, Master all along paying the piper, whose music is not had, as Paddy says, " for less than no- thing." Now this is just the sort of nag I should look out for as a hunter handsome, good constitu- tion, good temper, possessing all we want in a race- horse except the chief thing speed. There is really magic in that little word speed: it does every thing, from the " terrible-terrible-high-bred-cattle-gentle- man," to the " gee-wo " horse. Yes, Reader, the cart-horse should have speed ; that is, speed as a cart- horse. I have had a turn at this sort of gentlemen ; have had twelve eating my hay and oats, and have learned that pace in their walk makes a difference to the farmer, Defend me from a bell-team I do not mean belle, but a team that carries bells : they will condescend to walk two miles and a half an hour, four horses drawing two tons : they look well ; so A CHASE WITH MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT. 175 does a footman six feet two without his shoes ; and in point of real utility they are about on a par, expect to be equally pampered, and are both too aristocratic to hurry themselves. But speaking of things that really are, or rather were, speedy, among my other speedy possessions (many of them, " lieu mihi" too speedy in their exit) I had once a speedy donkey, and the way I became pos- sessed of Jack is rather curious. I was riding, and O ' on a sudden heard a pattering of feet behind me, ac- companied by, I think, the most discordant all-hor- rible, all-monstrous, all-prodigious, unearthly noise I ever heard. On looking back, I found this concate- nation of sweet sounds preceded from a jackass at full speed, accompanied by that amiable companion for an evening's ramble, a very large bull-dog, also in full career. They passed me. I believe I have seen hunting in all shapes, but this was something new ; so I determined to see the end of the chase. Jack, how- ever, soon left Bully far behind, and I suppose he thought he had also left all his troubles there: but he found (as many a good man has done) that troubles hang most cursedly on a scent ; and, if one actually comes to a fault, some other hits it off, and " at's you again." This was the case with Jack; for no sooner had he shaken off Bully, than the running was taken up by a young fox-hound at his walk at a farm-house so much for the good hounds learn at walk, on which I may perhaps at some future time venture a hint or two. However, such was really Jack's powers of going, that he also beat young sorrows-to-come into the bargain, and made good his way to his master's cottage. After a good mile heat at a pace that quite prepared my nag for a sweat on the morrow, 176 THE TWO ASSES. had I intended to give him one, I made up my mind at once to buy Jack, for I saw some fun in him. Now it was not that he was handsome, nor could I judge of his amiability or utility, but as Moore says, " Oh 'twas a something more exquisite still ! " That Jack could go, my horse could swear ; that he ought to go, the Filho-da-Puta length of his quarters satisfied me ; but, independently of all that, there was a kind of derisive catch-if-you-can twist and twirl of his tail while he was going that was irre- sistible. Seeing me well mounted, the cottager, I suppose, considered a guinea or two, more or less, was no object to me (Mem. he did not know me) ; so he succeeded in diddling me out of three guineas for Jack, (just three times what he would have sold him for in a common way, and have given the Filho-da- Puta quarters and knowing twist of the tail into the bargain,) nor would he then send Jack to my house without the promise of a gallon of beer. I have no doubt the whole family at the cottage thought a good deal of business had been done in a short time they had sold one ass and found another. I was right after all ; and neither Jack nor I had so much of the ass in us as we looked to have. I put Jack into positive training ; first, in order to see what dif- ference could be made in the animal by such treat- ment ; and, secondly, meaning to astonish the natives at a revel in a village close by with my newly pur- chased racer. He trained on wonderfully, and I found, that, however thistles may be considered by these gentry as a bonne louche, oats made a great change in appearance and spirits. One day, how- ever, I conclude the boy had given him a little more A SELL. Ill in the galloping way than Jack approved, for he sent up his heels, put down his head, and over it the boy came. Jack most uncourteously left without taking leave, and came home at a pace that said " SwatFham for ever ! " Some friends dined with me next day, and our conversation about two horses they had ridden to my house ended in my taking the shine out of them, by saying I had a jackass, that, give him two hundred yards, should beat either of their horses a mile next day. This put them on their mettle, and the bet ran thus if they beat, Jack was theirs: if Jack beat, they engaged to give a ten pound note for him. Jack was treated next morning to two runs home loose, pursued by a man on horseback smacking a good sounding hunting-whip after him. In the afternoon my friends came, and we went to the place of starting. Jack knew it well. Now my friends expected the boy who rode him up to the start would also ride him home. No such thing : his saddle was taken off: the bridle (made ready) at the word " go " was slipped off, and, as before, away came Jack, giving the immortal twirl of the tail, and an occasional kick up, with an accompaniment not to be mentioned to ears polite. I do not think they gained twenty yards on him. I must allow they both laughed too heartily all the way to do their best ; but if they had, they could not have caught him. I pocketted my note, and they made a note, not too much to under- rate donkey speed in future. I hope my reader is interested enough in Jack to wish to know what was his after-fate. I can only give this much of it : my friends gave him to a friend to carry his son ; but I am sorry to say, Jack, like many people, did not know when he was well off; VOL. I. N 178 "THE HIGH-METTLED RACER'S A HACK," ETC. ETC. for after pitching little master over his head, he was sold to a travelling tinker: it was then with my racer Jack, as it often is with many another crack " Bellows to mend." Let us now return to the Cup-horse I said I should be inclined to purchase as a hunter. Having made no figure as a two, or three, or four years old among first-rate horses, nor at five having done enough to warrant his being kept as a useful second-rater, no doubt his master will be willing enough to do what he ought to have done two years before, sell him for the best price he could get. In this way a really fine five-year-old horse may often be got at fifty pounds less than he could have been bred for. But the pur- chaser must not of course think he has bought a hunter. He might as well suppose, because he had bought the proper quantity of cloth, that he had got a coat ; he must get the tailor : so for the horse, we must get the horseman, with head, hands, and heels, to make the hunter; upon these will the per- fection of the coat and the hunter depend. I have heard persons say that thorough-bred horses were seldom good leapers : how in the name of common sense should they be ? they have never been taught to be so. They can, like all animals, jump if they please in a wild way ; but to do it safely, coolly, and scientifically, must be taught them. They can jump well enough, high and wide enough for anything they want in a state of nature : but to take all kinds of artificial fences well is a perfection to be learnt. Of course no race-horse knows anything about it: he has been placed in situations where he never was per- mitted to attempt to jump, nor as long as he con- tinues a race-horse will he ever be. I dare say neither Bee's-wing nor Catherina would take a common hurdle EX PEDE HERCULEM. 179 with a man on their back willingly ; nor would Bran, or Katcatcher, or Sir Hercules : but supposing the three latter were not as racers what they were, had I been fortunate enough to have got them, I rather think, that after I had had them six months, I could on them with hoimds have been there or thereabouts. So far from being thorough-bred militating against a horse being a fencer, I maintain it to be a great point in his favour. Thorough-bred horses are generally better made for spring and propelling powers in their quarters than other horses. This is just what we want to make a leaper ; their only fault is one that a little judgment and patience will rectify, the want of having been taught. The great requisites for a hunter are speed, spring, wind, and durability : all these the thorough-bred possesses beyond all compa- rison in greater perfection than other horses. Why, then, should they not make hunters ? Only, as I before said, get them strong enough. Seventy-four knew nothing of fencing when he was first put to steeple-racing, and I believe was particularly awkward at it ; but he learned to jump afterwards ; so they will all with practice. I do not mean practice with hounds: this, till he knows something about it, I consider the worst practice a young horse can have. He is in a hurry, and the rider is in a hurry ; consequently the thing is done in a hurried and slovenly manner, if done at all ; and at best he only gets over somehow. One month's practice, taking the horse out with another, where you can pick proper fences for him, and bring him on from one thing to another, will teach him more than six months with hounds. They need not be large ones either: the horse, after having been taught to jump coolly and to N 2 180 SALUTARY LESSONS. a certainty eight or nine feet of water, will afterwards, when excited with hounds, jump fifteen: if he does not, I fear the fault will be in the rider, not the horse. I have seen a good round number of falls with hounds, and have had enough myself to satisfy any reasonable man. I speak, therefore, from observation and practice, when I assert, that where one fall occurs from large spreading fences (if within the bounds of reason), twenty take place at blind awkward small ones. It is to teach the horse how to manage these that re- quires practice, and this it would take a very consi- derable time to teach him with hounds. We may in the course of a run come to a fence where the ditch is so filled by briers as to be all but imperceptible : we ride him at it ; most probably he gets over, but he has gained no lesson or experience by this ; he is not aware he has escaped a trap : but if we had taken him out, we will say shooting (and nothing makes a fencer sooner), he would probably have been led over twenty such in the course of the morning, for I would look out for such for him ; he would perhaps have blun- dered into three or four ; and, finding a bed of bram- bles and thorns is not a bed of roses, that one day would make him careful of such for life : and so on with other descriptions of difficult places. Fair hunting fences he will of course be rode over; and doing these when he has nothing to distract his attention from his business which is the leap will teach him to do them properly, and that in a very short time. Once taught to do this, he is a hunter for ever, and a master of his business. Of all things timber is what a horse should be made the most perfect in taking, and get the most practice at ; first, because a mistake at stiff timber is more ANCIENT LAWS AND MODERN LAWS. 181 fatal in its consequences than at any other fence; and, secondly, it is a description of one that requires on the part of a horse exertions the least natural to him. Brooks or dry ravines are things he would meet with in a state of nature. If galloping in a wild state he came to one of these, and was excited, he would as naturally extend his stride or bound to twenty feet as he had taken twelve in his gallop ; but timber is quite a different affair. Dame Nature, capital workwoman as she is in making an oak tree or an heir to an estate, never made a five-barred gate in her existence ; consequently she never gave a horse an idea of jumping one. In practising horses at a leaping-bar, I have often been astonished at the absurdities and wanton severity I have seen used. It is very common to see a naked bar so adjusted as to fall in case a horse should hit it. Now this is the very time when it should be immove- able: the allowing a bar to give way will spoil all the horses in the world : if he is a young or unprac- tised one, we are positively teaching him to knock down or attempt to knock down timber whenever he sees it, instead of clearing it. How is a horse to know we want him to jump over what he finds it easier to knock down ? And then, if he does knock it down, he is often severely flogged for what he does not know is wrong. A bar should be well clothed with furze: this teaches a horse it is not to be touched with impunity : it should then be confined so as in one respect to be like the law of the Medes and Persians, not to be moved ; while in another it should, like some laws near home, be left so as to be rolled backwards or forwards, just as may suit the will of the higher powers. But though it may do this, let a N 3 182 LESSONS FOR BEGINNERS. horse get once hung on it, he would as soon be hung as get there again, when he has been taught how to avoid it ; for before he can get off again, he will be in the situation I well know you are after a suit of Chancery, where, though you gain your cause, you are very comfortably skinned before you do so. Peo- ple will put a bar up perhaps three feet high, and say "he can jump that if he can jump anything." We know that ; but at first he cannot jump anything in height, at least he does not know that he can, never having probably tried ; so, as to him, it seems an im- passable barrier : he naturally enough does not try ; but he tries to shove it down ; if it gives way, he is spoiled ; if not, he is flogged because he does not do what he does not know how to set about doing. He then probably turns sulky, and kicks at you : then he gets flogged for that ; so he gets twice flogged, as boys often do at cheap schools, from the ignorance of his tutor. If the horse never saw a bar before, lay it on the ground yes, positively on the ground; you will see he will make a jump even at that : probably that would have carried him over two feet. He has already learned two things at this one jump ; namely, that by jumping he gets over the obstacle, and that he can jump two feet high: this even he did not know before : raise it six inches, he will take it next time at that height: let him do that two or three times, caress him, and send him away : he has done enough for his first lesson, and has learned a good deal. Put it on the ground again next day : you are sure he will not refuse that: then again the six inches; then a foot, and so on: he will take three feet in a week, and very shortly the height of a gate. Another horse may at the end of a fortnight have been driven and flogged over as great or a greater HORSEMEN NOT WANTED AT THE BAR. 183 height than mine has taken ; but if he has, I will answer for it he has sometimes jumped it, sometimes tumbled over it, and very often refused it. He has only learned, that by making a kind of effort of some sort, he can sometimes get over his leap, and some- times tumble over it : mine has got his lesson per- fectly; knows how to set about the thing scienti- fically ; feels and knows, by very moderate exertion, he can do the thing to a certainty; is not afraid of it; so never refuses it, either from want of confidence in his own powers, or from having been disgusted with leaping from its having been made a punish- ment to him. People generally make a horse jump too often over the same thing : this further disgusts him: when he has acquitted himself well, leave off; otherwise you tire and put him out of humour. I have heard people give as a reason for having leaping-bars made to go down, that they do it for the safety of the " man." This would be all very well if bars were intended for men to ride over ; but they are not: they are only intended to teach young horses the rudiments of leaping in hand. If you wish to show how a horse will carry over a fence, take him to a proper place, and there ride at hedges, ditches, hurdles, or gates, as you please, and leave the bar in the school-room. A young horse left to the tuition of a groom seldom makes a neat and perfect fencer : they drive horses over their fences ; this causes them to rush headlong at them ; by doing which they either blunder into them, or do, what is almost as bad, take twice as much out of themselves as they have any occasion to do. This soon beats them, and then they cannot, if they would, jump high or wide enough. A horse, in taking his spring, should be N 4 184 HANDS, HEELS, AND HEADS. taught to do in the field what his master should do after dinner take enough, and not too much: doing the reverse will tell on both in time. It is all very well to say that some men, like the friend I mentioned on my thorough-bred, will drive a horse in, through, or over anything; this will do and is quite proper with a horse who knows how to do his business, but will shirk it if he can ; but it will not do with a young one. If you are on an old offender, who, from sheer roguishness, will swerve or balk his fences if he can, keep an ash-plant between his ears that you have taught him will visit one or other side of his nose, according to the side he swerves to ; send him at it so as to persuade him he must go in, if he does not go over: if he should choose the former, which is very unlikely under such circum- stances, afford him no assistance to get out till you have given him a good thrashing while in : he got into the scrape from laziness or roguishness, and deserves all he gets. Strongly as I at all times ad- vocate the greatest kindness to horses, I can be as severe as anybody with a lazy or badly disposed one, and can bring both hands and heels into pretty free use ; but I hope I always use some head in considering whether a refusal of my wishes proceeds from igno- rance or inability, or from other causes : too many horses, I fear, suffer when the former is the case. While writing these wandering observations, the heels have had a sinecure. I have made considerable use of the hands, and some, though perhaps very in- different, use of the head. I shall, however, now use the latter for a purpose to which, perhaps, my reader may say I ought to have devoted it long ago making my bow. 185 HINTS ON HORSE-DEALERS AND DEALERS IN HORSES. Qui capit ille facit. Old Proverb. THAT readers should attach credence or give atten- tion to the observations, opinions, or facts promul- gated by any writer, it is necessary, or, to say the least, quite desirable, that they should be impressed with the opinion that he is quite conversant with the subject or subjects on which he writes. That I am so, I must earnestly but very respectfully beg the public to take my word: that I am equally compe- tent to write upon such subjects is quite another matter : I am perfectly satisfied I am not. Still this will not render what I write one atom of less utility. Facts are still facts, however homely may be the language in which they are set forth; and if the public derives any advantage from those facts being set forth, the end will be just as well attained as if they were clothed in the most erudite or poetic lan- guage that inspiration could suggest. Before any one can be capable of guarding others against errors and impositions he must first make him- self perfectly master of in what those errors consist, and how the imposition is practised. To guard others against errors, experience in the cases where those errors are committed will suifice : but to detect the means by which impositions are practised, it becomes necessary to get among those who practise them ; to 186 "IF YOU MORE WOULD ASK, I SHUN NO QUESTIONS.'' place yourself by some means in situations where you can hear their private conversations, get intimately acquainted with the tools or means employed, and per- fectly learn how those tools are made use of: then, and not till then, is any one qualified to give beneficial hints and advice to others. How or why I have placed myself in situations to have seen so much of the subjects of these hints and observations, matters nothing to the public: suffice it to say, I have seen them much, and now offer the results of such obser- vations to others, to whom I shall only say, " Si quid novisti rectius istis Candidus imperti, si non his utere mecum." There is no nation in Europe where the horse is made an object of so much importance as in England ; consequently Englishmen are, taking them in the aggregate, the best judges of horses in Europe. Most of our nobility and men of fortune are so, and English horses are now become, taking them in all the various purposes to which they are applied, un- questionably the best in the world. The Arab is certainly as particular in the breed of his horse, and in the care of him, as we are here ; but his attention and care are directed to one particular description of horse, and he knows of no other ; it is left for Eng- land to produce horses all bred for, and adapted to, their various purposes, and each of his own class the finest animal in the world. Horses for draught, for the road, and for the turf have been bred among other nations, and for these purposes animals have been produced of a moderate quality. But the Leices- tershire hunter has been till within a very few years a description of horse confined to the United King- BRITONS ' GLORY. 187 dom: here he has hitherto reigned unattempted to be rivalled ; for here, and here only, has fox-hunting appeared in the zenith of its glory. Half a century ago a foreigner had no conception such a description of animal existed. The case is now altering very fast, and the spirit of racing, hunting, and even steeple-racing, is becoming widely diffused among some of our foreign neighbours. Four-in-hand, how- ever, still remains among them a complete stumbling- block; and a foreigner is generally about as good a judge of a well-appointed mail, with its four blood horses, as I should be of a Ceylon elephant with his howdah. He likes la parade of four horses to his carriage as well as we do ; but here his gratification ends : that there should be any in driving them does not come within his conception. He would consider it an ungentlemanlike thing to do, and it would be so in his country, where it is not the custom of men of fashion to do it. Here, to be a first-rate four-in-hand whip is in a limited sense held all but an accomplish- ment. This arises in a great measure from the cir- cumstance that to become so a man must be or have been either a man of fortune or a stage-coachman. His not being or having been the latter, leads to the inference that he is or has been the former. Hunting and the turf are also the pursuits of men of fortune. That most senseless and unsportsmanlike amusement, steeple racing, is, I am sorry to say, becoming so. No men carry out the axiom, " that whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well," more tluni the English do in all sporting pursuits. The four-in- hand rage brought out among gentlemen some of the best coachmen in the world. Hunting, particu- larly in Leicestershire, has produced among our aris- 188 A HINT. tocracy many such capital workmen across a country as to enable them to equal some of our professional artists in a steeple-race. Racing would probably produce the same results, but that the light weights necessary to this amusement constantly require de- privation and exertion to attain that few gentlemen are found willing to submit to. Now all these pursuits undoubtedly render those who participate in them first-rate judges of the quali- fications, powers, and merits of the horse for all such purposes as gentlemen apply them to ; and the con- stant and consequent buying and selling of such horses renders them pretty good judges of their re- lative value as to price. Long may such men enjoy such amusements, and long may they possess fortunes to do so ! There are without doubt pursuits of an higher order, pursuits that produce more beneficial results to mankind in general ; but every man of for- tune has an undoubted right to spend that fortune in such pursuits as he conceives affords him the most gratification; and provided that pursuit be a harm- less one, no one has a right to interfere with it. The pursuits of the sportsman, while carried on by the gentleman, are generally not only harmless, but bene- ficial to others. They give employment to many, and occasion a great deal of money to be circulated. This alone must benefit others : how far it may the sportsman himself is quite another affair : should the time ever arrive when from a reverse of fortune he is no longer able to enjoy them, there is perhaps no living being who can apply his knowledge to so little beneficial account to himself as the sportsman, or one who can derive so little advantage from the money he has spent in his pursuits. There have been GENTLEMEN NO TRADESMEN. 189 some so situated, who, from having been accustomed to drive their own four-in-hand, have derived a good income from becoming stage- coachmen : the Brighton and Bath roads particularly boasted several. I know one, and one only, who for some time hunted a pack of fox-hounds : but these are a few out of hundreds, perhaps thousands, who have found they could not make their knowledge of horses or horse pursuits available in any beneficial pecuniary point of view. It may be supposed that such men, with all their experience and knowledge, might, if they made up their minds to such a degradation, commence busi- ness as horse-dealers, livery-stable keepers, commis- sion-stable keepers, or repository keepers : they might certainly commence; but before they can promise themselves to go on in any one of these undertakings with any chance of success, they must forget or set at naught every sentiment they have from infancy been taught to cherish, and obliterate from their minds all the high-wrought and sensitive feelings of the gentleman. No qualified aberration of them will do : no, it must be an utter annihilation of them. It will be said that this total dereliction of all former habits and feelings it is impossible for a gen- tleman to effect. I know it is ; and for that reason, if he was to commence trade, he would not succeed in it. I never yet met with or heard of any gentle- man who ever did, and I will venture to predict that no one ever will at all events in any of the trades or occupations I have mentioned; and in all probability a sportsman is still less adapted to trade of any other kind. It is not to be supposed that a liberal education militates against a man learning any business ; quite the reverse ; it would probably assist 190 A LITTLE POACHING. him in so doing: but to learn that business as a tradesman requires years of such humiliation as no gentleman would or could submit to. Being a first- rate judge of a horse will not enable him to be a horse-dealer. A gentleman may know perfectly the relative value of horses, and may easily ascertain that of any other article of merchandise. So far as buying and selling goes, he may even learn where, and in some measure how, to buy and sell to the best advan- tage : but this no more qualifies him for a tradesman than learning the newest fashions would make the tradesman a gentleman. I hope I have said enough on this subject to prevent any gentleman fancying that should he ever find it necessary, he can as a dernier ressource, turn those pursuits he followed as an amateur to any account as a tradesman. I have heard many say they were certain they could. I only earnestly hope they will never have occasion to try. I have stated, that no gentleman ever has or ever will succeed as a regular horse-dealer. That there are, however, many who in a private way to a very considerable extent deal in horses is a notorious fact, and a fact as much to be regretted as it is impos- sible to be denied. It is a subject of still further re- gret, that among them are found those who in every other transaction are men of unblemished honour and integrity. If these gentlemen conceive that they carry on this underhand kind of private trade without its calling forth very severe animadversions from those who abstain from it, they very much deceive them- selves : and they labour under the influence of a still further error if they suppose they can continue its practice without losing very considerably in point of GIVING GOLD AND RECEIVING LEAD. 191 character in the estimation of their friends and ac- quaintance. Placing them in comparison with the regular horse-dealer, I have no hesitation in saying, that so far as this pursuit is concerned, I consider the latter the most respectable man. He sells you a horse openly as a dealer, as a man who disposes of him avowedly for profit. You probably place no reliance on his word or confidence in his honour. He does not ask you to do so, nor is he offended if you do not. You purchase of him in most cases under a written warranty, or one given before a witness. If the horse does not answer the description given of him, the law is open to you for redress ; or if you have just cause of complaint, he generally at once takes the horse back. Now if you buy of the gentleman dealer in horses, you trust to his word and to his. honour. If you are deceived, which by-the-by you will find by no means an uncommon case, what is your resource ? You must either keep your bargain, or if you hint that you have been taken in, a quarrel ensues, and you are called out for presuming to doubt the word or honour of a man who in such cases forfeits both perhaps twenty times in the year. Such men are, however, as yet rare among gentlemen, and I trust will long remain so. From the moment a gentleman first harbours the idea of making money of horses by buying and selling them, he has taken the first step towards degradation, and then facile de- scensus Averni. He probably, indeed most probably, at first has no further view than in an honourable way availing himself of his superior judgment and taste. He is unfortunate enough to sell three or four horses to advantage. This gives him encouragement, and probably for the first time in his life he feels the 192 HE'LL DO IN TIME. pleasure of making money ; and he continues to spe- culate with success. Hitherto he has done nothing wrong: his horses have all turned out as he repre- sented them. He now, however, happens unfortu- nately to get a horse not quite what he should be. What is he to do with him ? Is he to sell him at a loss ? A very short time ago he would have done so ; but now the itch for making money has taken too firm a hold of him. He enters into a kind of compromise with his conscience, and the horse has really perhaps nothing material the matter with him. He avails himself of his position in society, and sells him, on his word, as a perfectly sound horse. If he prove otherwise, he does not allow he had been guilty of a deception, but pledges his word of honour that he was sound with him and when he sold him. This closes the transaction. Having thus escaped with impunity, instead of taking it as a salutary warning of the danger of such transactions having once been guilty of a dereliction of honour and integrity, he goes on till he unblushingly (in dealers' phrase) sticks a screw into a friend whenever he can find an opportunity. This is about a fair sample of the usual career of those who commence privately dealing in horses. It is a pursuit that every gentleman should avoid. It is as demoralising in its influence on the mind, and eventually as fatal in its effects as to cha- racter, as is the pursuit of the professed gambler and black-leg. " All fair in horse- dealing " is an idea that some persons profess. It is a very erroneous one. It is an idea that no sensible or honourable man can seriously entertain. There is no more excuse for premeditated deception in the sale of a horse than there is in any AB UNO DISCE OMNES. 193 other transaction. The moment a man can bring himself to think there is, he would pick a pocket. We will now look a little into the character and conduct of the regular horse-dealer. I know of no class of men on whom so great and (what is much more unfair) so indiscriminate a share of odium is thrown as on the horse-dealer. I am free to allow that if we could collect together every person em- ployed, directly and indirectly, openly and covertly, in the sale of horses, we should be able to exhibit to the world a very tolerable (or it may perhaps be said intolerable) mass of iniquity. We must not, how- ever, from this draw the inference that it necessarily follows all horse-dealers are dishonest. Take them from the highest to the lowest, that perhaps nine out of ten are more or less so, I think, is very probably the case. But my humble opinion, that tradesmen in any other line are pretty much the same, and in about the same proportion, is not perhaps abso- lutely erroneous. The only difference is this: the horse-dealer cheats one man in the day to the tune twenty -five pounds ; the other cheats in smaller sums, a hundred in the same time and to the same amount; always especially keeping the fact in our minds, that in addition to his hundred customers, he would be as ready as the dealer to cheat any one man to the amount of the twenty-five pounds if the opportunity offered. There is one circumstance that ought to be taken into consideration, and pleads very much in favour of the fair horse-dealer (supposing our purchase from him does not answer our expect- ation, or perhaps his representation), that is the nature of the article in which he trades. I know of no one article of trade in which a man is so often VOL. i. o 194 PROBANDUM EST. deceived, and in which he so often deceives himself, as in the horse. Dealers are often, much oftener than is supposed, deceived themselves. Kespectable dealers do take every precaution in their power not to get an unsound horse into their stables. They cannot, how- ever, with all their precaution, at all times pre- vent this. But they will not in such a case risk their character by selling such a horse to their cus- tomers. A horse may be purchased in the country from the breeder apparently sound : he may have hi- therto been so ; and yet before he may have been at work one week he may be the very reverse. Some hidden internal cause that the most practised eye could not detect may have long existed, the eifects of which only become apparent on the animal being put to work. Here no blame can possibly attach to the dealer: he has bought him with every warranty of soundness : has travelled him perhaps a hundred miles home : has had him several days in his stable, and found him all he expected : he has every right to think him a sound horse ; as such he sells him : still such a horse may deceive both the dealer and pur- chaser when put to the test of work and change of treatment. Vicious as well as unsound propensities in the horse frequently lay dormant for a very consi- derable time : they also may be only called forth on change of treatment. A really vicious horse in the stable is easily detected and to be avoided ; but there are tempers and dispositions in horses, as well as in men, of which we never get the slightest intimation till some hitherto untried provocation calls them forth. This probably never has oc- curred in the stable of the dealer. If a horse is intended for harness, which is a description of work that more than any other calls forth his vicious FORTITEB IN KE. 195 propensities, if he has any, he is put into a break by the side of a practised break-horse, who knows nearly as well what to do by the side of either a timid or violent companion as the man who drives them could tell him. I could in fact bring forward in- stances of good temper, patience, sagacity, and, when called for, determination on the part of some of these horses, that would not be credited by those unac- quainted with this part of the dealer's business. Instances have been known of the break-horse being provoked to that pitch by a plunging and a kicking horse by his side, that he has caught him by the neck between his teeth, and shook and held him till he became perfectly quiet. The young horse is gradually and carefully brought on till he is perfectly steady with a steady helpmate : he is then matched and driven with another who has gone through the same schooling. The pair are then driven together till both are become quiet and handy. The dealer now considers them and certainly is justified in putting them into the hands of any customer as a pair of horses fit to be put to his carriage. Still it might and does sometimes happen that one or both of them may become unruly or set to kicking the first day they are used. This almost in- variably arises, when it does occur, from injudicious or at least from inconsiderate treatment. I am quite satisfied that where one young horse does mischief from vice, ten do it from alarm ; and there is no telling what a frightened horse will attempt or do ; he is a thousand times more difficult to control than the most vicious one. A coachman may have driven his carriage for years in perfect safety in all situations, and may be an excellent coachman ; but if he suffers him- o 2 196 INDISCRETION NATURAL TO YOUTH. self to forget he has hold of a pair of young ones, without any other fault on his part, he will be almost certain to get into difficulties and danger, if not worse. A sudden stroke of the whip to a young horse, who has perhaps never before felt it, would set him plunging at once. Going more rapidly down hill than they have been accustomed to do will often alarm young horses. Turning very sharply round a corner brings one or the other horse, according to the turn right or left, suddenly on the pole, and con- fuses him. That most abominable and uncoachman- like practice of pulling horses sharp up at a door throws them suddenly on their haunches, causes their feet to slip about in all directions, and unless their mouths are made of cast-iron, severely injures them. Old horses will bear all this, because (like the eels) they are used to it ; but depend upon it young ones will not. It may be said they should be driven by the dealer till they are as steady as old horses : so they have been, and in point of docility and temper are dis- posed to do all that can reasonably be required of them : but we cannot give the experience or staid habits of a man of forty to a lad of sixteen. Boys, it is commonly said, will be boys; so will young horses be young horses. Like youth in mankind, they must have time to gain experience ; and till they do gain it, they must be treated accordingly. Horses at best are but brutes ; and, as I have before said, no man can tell what their tempers may be when roused. But the tempers of young horses never should be roused if gentle usage will prevent it. They seldom or ever are in the hands of the dealer or man of judgment. It would be rather an extraordinary proceeding on the part of a dealer if he was purposely to frighten or "GIVE A DOG A BAD NAME," ETC. 197 irritate the temper of a young horse in order to as- certain what under such circumstances he would do. There can be no doubt, that of the numerous acci- dents we often see and daily hear of, as occurring to gigs, phaetons, and other vehicles, three out of four arise from want of judgment in the driver. He is not aware of what is likely to produce accident ; con- sequently takes no steps to prevent it. He has pro- bably no conception that a strap buckled too tight or left too loose will render a horse uneasy in his harness, irritate his temper, set him plunging, and finally kick, ing and running away. This horse might have been a week since bought of a dealer, might have been driven in a double and single harness, have always gone perfectly quiet, and always would have done so if common judgment had been used. This is all we have a right to expect from a high-spirited horse. He does not promise us to carry a phaeton or gig down a hill on the top of his tail, or to be flayed alive by his harness from our carelessness. If any person wishes one that would permit this, I recommend the gentleman a rocking-horse. Now in any case of this kind, without making any investigation as to its cause, the effect having occurred, the first person censured is the dealer. No arguments on earth will persuade the purchaser that it arose from any other cause than the dealer having sold him a vicious horse ; and he will probably feel further convinced that he well knew he was so. In short, whatever failing a horse may exhibit after being purchased, whether as to soundness, temper, constitution, or anything else, de- servedly or not, the dealer is sure to be set down as a rogue. If, even feeling he is not called upon to do so, he offers every reparation in his power, or makes it, o 3 198 PER FAS ET NEFAS. he will be no better off : on the contrary, it will be only set down to his disadvantage, as evincing a con- sciousness that he was to blame. If he refuses to do this, the case is carried into a court of law; and whenever any horse case does get there, so universally biassed and prejudiced are the feelings of the court in favour of the purchaser, and against the dealer, that though no jury would willingly be guilty of a decision of gross injustice, when the assertions of one party are implicitly believed, and those of the other totally the reverse, it is easy to judge in whose favour the case will end. Another stumbling-block in the way of the dealer arises from a cause little suspected by his customers. This arises from their servants. If the dealer does not submit to be pillaged by them, it matters little how good may be the horse he sells : he will be made to turn out badly by some means or other. Let it be understood that I am now speaking of servants, as of other classes of men en masse : there are many faithful, honest, and attached individuals among these ; and that there are not more is quite as much the fault of the master as of the man ; for so long as masters will say, " I know my fellow is as great a rascal as ever lived, but he turns my cab out so well I cannot part with him;" so long does he encourage this man in being so, and others to follow his ex- ample: and so long as a master or mistress will keep servants who they know are daily robbing them, and nightly associating in public-houses with the lowest of the low, probably thieves and pickpockets, and retain them in their service merely because they are clever in their several capacities, so long will they have rascals for their servants ; and such the generality of London servants are, or by example shortly become. A FIX. 1DD It is no uncommon thing for a gentleman to desire his coachman to look out for a pair of horses for his carriage. Should he be peremptorily ordered to go to some specified dealer, the thing is easy enough : he bargains to get 5/. Wl. or 15/. for himself: the dealer must add this to the price he would otherwise be enabled to take for his horses, and there is no further harm done than the purchaser paying in fact for his own servant the additional price put on to satisfy his cupidity. Now should the purchaser offer to buy the horses at a price about as much less as the sum the dealer knows he must give to the servant, what is he to do ? He has the choice of three alternatives to pay the servant out of his own pocket, lose the sale of his horses, or sell them knowing they will be abused, and consequently bring him into discredit with his cus- tomer. They will be made, in short, a lasting source of annoyance to the master, be a theme of constant abuse of the coachman from the first day, who will take care they lose condition, go badly, and have always something the matter with one or both whenever they are wanted ; and finally the master in his own defence will be obliged to sell them : he loses really a good pair of horses and the dealer a good customer. Should the master or mistress leave it to their coachman to get horses from any person he pleases, then the case will be this, or something very like it. He will go to different places and different dealers, not to find where or of whom he can purchase the horses on the best terms, or such as are best suited to the purpose of his employer, but to find where and of whom he is likely to make the most for himself in the shape of bribe. If he sees a pair of really good sound horses, and finds he is only to expect a couple o 4 200 DOING A LITTLE BUSINESS. of sovereigns ; he rejects them at once and for ever. If he then sees a pair by no means intrinsically so good, and finds he is to get ten, he considers of them, and leaves the deal open till he sees if he cannot do better (for himself). Now, if he finds a pair of very fine-looking horses in the hands of some low dealers, both of which he knows to be screws, and he is to get fifteen sovereigns if they are purchased, in such a case the master or mistress trusting to his judgment, they are purchased. Now, here will follow very different treatment to what befel the unfortunate horses where the dealer did not "come down handsomely." These horses will be kept in the finest possible condition: no notice is taken of any unsoundness in them; should one go half blind in a month, and the other lame, if not very visibly so, nothing is said about the matter ; and while no complaints are made on the part of the coachman, probably no inquiries are made on that of the master or mistress: the horses look well, do their work probably as well as sound horses, and the owner continues to be drawn by a blind one and a lame one, till coachee begins to think the horses having done their work for twelve months it is time to begin thinking of making a little more money for himself. Then the half-blind one has taken a bad cold ever since that wet night when they waited so long at Lady So-and-so's rout, and it has fallen into his eyes : and the other suddenly falls lame while in the carriage. Coachee pulls up, gets down, and looks at him ; " supposes it a little strain; he did observe him slide a bit turning the corner; dares say it will go off." N. B. It never does though ; nor does the other recover his sight. The few days' rest that was to have set all to rights has NICE LADS. 201 riot done so, but it has given coachee time to get another pair ready " cut and dried.' 7 The lady cannot longer do without her carriage : what is to be done ? "It is a great pity ! they were a nice pair of horses ! no horses could have gone better till this happened ! " The lady agrees that they did so, and believes it ; but what is to be done ? She wants the carriage, and can no longer do without it. Now, though coachee had quite made up his mind that the horses should go without the carriage, it is impossible for the lady to make the carriage go without the horses ; so it ends in his being desired to sell them. This he promises to do to the best advantage fo himself he means. And here he sees a fine field for speculation open to him in the pair to be sold, and in the pair to be bought. The first thing he does is to get a pack of low dealers to see these horses : we will say, taking them as they are, they are worth 701. as a pair of job horses: in short, they are worth as much as when they were bought. His next object is to find, among this set, who will give him most; if he can persuade his lady to take 40/., he selects the best customer; and to show his own perfect honesty, gets his lady to see the purchaser, and hear what he says about the horses. He (the purchaser) is made quite au fait as to what he is to say, and the kind of observations to make. It would not do to speak in loAvering terms of the horses so far as regards their class and quality. If he did, where would be his friend coachee's judg- ment in buying them ? No ; he goes upon another tack. "They have been as fine a pair of horses as he would wish to see: he would rather give 150/. for such a pair sound, than 40/. for them as they are. He knoAVS a nobleman who would give 50/. for the 202 A FAIR DAY'S WORK. buying of such a pair at 150/." He well knows they cost the lady 200/. ; and thus he gives his friend coachee a lift : and from what he says, the lady is sa- tisfied she did not pay too much for them. It ends in his buying them at 4(M. ; coachee pockets 10/., with 15/. in prospectu for buying the next pair; which, to show his zeal in his lady's cause, he fortunately finds the next day. With them the same game will be played hereafter, only taking care there shall be a variation in the moves. These sort of transactions of course could not be carried on where the coachman has a master who knows anything about' horses ; nor would any respect- able dealer join in them. But in almost every case, the servant by hook or by crook will be paid ; nor will paying these gentry be always sufficient. Let a nobleman's coachman go into a dealer's yard, he must be shaken by the hand ; and if any conver- sation is requisite, it must be over a bottle of wine : he will expect to be treated something on the footing of a friend by the first-rate dealers. Now, could a gentleman submit to this? No: he certainly could not: he must, however, if he turns horse-dealer, or lose a customer. This is only one among the many humiliations that a tradesman must submit to, and which no gentleman could brook. I may be asked, how or why the customer would be lost ? The reply is, because the coachman would be offended. This leads to the very natural quasre of whether T suppose a nobleman is to be dictated to by his coachman as to who the dealer may be he may choose to patronise ? Certainly not dictated to by words; but the manoeuvres of the coachman will in nine cases out of ten bring the UNITY IS STRENGTH. 203 thing to bear. A master, if he is a man in high life, cannot be constantly overlooking his stables or servants; and if he finds every horse he buys of a particular dealer turns out badly (though he may suspect there is some roguery in the case), he has no resource but to go to another, which most men in high life would do rather than take the trouble of investigation. It is this desire to avoid trouble that chiefly leaves people of fashion so completely at the mercy of their servants as they are ; and, let them flatter themselves as they will, they are much more under their dominion than they suppose. This is one great reason why the man of 60,000/. a-year pays one price for every article that goes into the house or stable, and the man of 1000^. a-year an- other. Tradesmen who charge exorbitantly can pay servants exorbitantly; and they in most cases con- trive that a man of fortune shall deal with none other. There is one invisible machinery in all very large establishments worked by the servants for their own peculiar benefit ; in the working of which, from the highest to the lowest, they will join ; and till this is put a stop to, people in high life must be con- tent to be pillaged. To stop this would require a good deal of trouble and resolution. One instance where it was done in the establish- ment of a nobleman of very high rank came under my immediate observation, and this probably never would have been done but from the following circum- stance, for the perfect truth of which I can vouch. Lord A. had been in the habit of permitting his body- coachman to purchase all the forage required for the stables in London of whom he pleased. A relative of a particular friend of his Lordship purchased an estate 204 A DEEP ROGUE. a few miles from town, to which was attached a hay- farm. My Lord was requested to allow this gentle- man to supply what hay was wanted for his stables, which request was immediately granted. The coach- man offered no opposition ostensibly to this arrange- ment, and the hay that was sent in was as good as hay could be : but somehow the horses did not eat it, and consequently lost condition. This became appa- rent to Lord A. , and the coachman was ordered up to account for it. He at once allowed the horses did not look as they did, and accounted for it by roundly asserting that they would not touch the hay lately sent in : they had always done well on the hay they had before; but this hay eat they would not. Notwithstanding this very satisfactory explanation, some suspicion arose in his Lordship's mind that there was something not quite right at the bottom of this. The coachman was told he might go, and some alteration should be made. Now Coachee thought any alteration would be better than that hay should be sent without his being well paid for it. He confi- dently felt he had played his part in the farce so well that the denouement must be the discomfiture of his enemy, and his own triumph. A flourish of trumpets exit coachman. Unfortunately for him, however, the next scene was of a very different cast. The gentleman, who was the promoter of the hay, being sent, called, when a little consultation took place on the subject. The gentleman went immediately to the stables, and there, sure enough, saw the racks full of hay, but not a single horse eating. The coachman pulled out a piece, and certainly the odour was any- thing but such as to tempt a horse accustomed to good hay. So far all was well, and the coachman THE TABLE TURNED. 205 concluded the business settled; but the gentleman took the liberty of ascending to the loft, and there found the unprepared hay as fragrant as hay could be. The thing was now plain enough, and he took a lock of the prepared and unprepared hay to Lord A. The coachman was ordered up, whose manner on his re-appearance was of course ludicrous enough when compared with his late triumphal exit. However, his Lordship neither condescended to notice this, nor make any angry remonstrance, but merely addressed him as follows : " Moreton, I am going to tell you a story. It is very generally known, but probably not to you." He then related the well-known anecdote of the King of Prussia, who, being constantly annoyed by his men letting their caps fall off at reviews, gave it in general orders that he would flog the first man who did this. It appeared arbitrary enough, but the caps did not again fall off. Having related this, he asked the coachman if he did not think this was very hard on the men ? The coachman " did consider it very hard indeed." " Very well," said his Lordship : " now I am going to be more hard on you still : you say you have got bad hay. I know that no horses can look well on bad hay. But notwithstanding all this, if rny horses do not eat this hay, and recover their condi- tion in one fortnight from this day, at the end of that fortnight by G I will turn you away. Now you may go." He did not want a second intimation ; but finding his case hopeless, the horses did miraculously recover their condition, and he kept his situation. Lord A. made no further remarks on this affair, but it completely opened his eyes, and was the means of his making a minute investigation, and a thorough and lasting reformation in the whole establishment. 206 WHERE TO BE PILLAGED THE LEAST. Returning to horses, it will be asked in what way can a man of fortune supply himself with horses with any chance of justice and comfort to himself, sup- posing him not to be a good judge of them ? I know, generally speaking, but of three ways in which he can do so, and I believe he will find in the long run the first I shall mention will turn out the cheapest and best. Let him go to some of the first-rate dealers, tell them the description of horse he wants, the purpose for which he is required, and his parti- cular taste in and ideas of a horse for that purpose ; let him trust to them as to soundness, qualification, and price. It is their interest and wish to give him satisfaction if they can. If the horse pleases his eye, let him buy him ; they will pay his servant liberally, but no more than is proper. He in return will do them, the buyer and the horse, justice. The buyer will pay a strong price I grant, but he will get what he wants without risk or trouble. To a man of fortune this is no small consideration, and is worth his paying for to a reasonable amount. This is the first and I believe the best mode by which he can attain his wishes as to horses. His next plan is to get some friend who is known to be really a good judge of horses to purchase one for him. This friend will probably not mind a little trouble, and will find what is wanted at a less price, and as well adapted to the purpose as the horse pur- chased on the first plan. But here again the servant of the person for whom the horse is being bought will interfere, and unless he gets as much as he thinks himself entitled to, all judgment and trouble will have been thrown away. If the horse or horses have been bought of a private gentleman at a very rea- HARD, BUT JUDICIOUS FOR SOME PEOPLE. 207 sonable price, he cannot afford to come up to the fee given by the dealer ; and, being probably quite un- aware of what the servant does consider he is en- titled to, he gives him a sovereign. This horse will to a dead certainty be made to turn out badly : " Master must not be allowed to get into this way of buying horses ! " The only way therefore of giving this horse a chance of success, is for the friend to take care that between the seller and the master the man is satisfied. It will be said, it is hard that a master should pay his own servant because he chooses to purchase a horse of a particular person. It is hard ; but with the generality of servants it must be done : he must be satisfied somehow, or by somebody, or he will be sure to beat you, unless you have resolution to adopt Lord A.'s Prussian system. Then this plan will do well enough, and the horse will do well enough. The next mode is breeding. This is in all cases the most uncertain, and in the generality the most expensive of all. I will take it as it will probably be done by a private gentleman, and give a rough sketch of its probable expense on the most moderate scale ; we shall then judge a little at what we may expect to get a good five-year-old colt ready for use. We will suppose a good sort of mare selected for this purpose, if a superior sort of colt is looked for and none other has a chance of paying expenses. The mare must be put to a good sort of horse : this we will say will cost 51. 5s.: the mare has then to be kept eleven months, and well kept ; this cannot be done under 18. The colt, after being weaned, must be kept on grass, oats, and hay till he is five 208 A BREEDING GENTLEMAN. years old, before he can be called fit for work : this cannot be done, taking one year with another, includ- ing keep, shoeing, attendance, and breaking, under 25/. each year. Here we come to 123/. Now, if the colts were all to turn out well, and grow into fine horses, we should by these means get horses at about the same price we could buy the same stamp of horse of any respectable dealer. But in lieu of their all turning out worth their cost, 123/., we must calculate, that, taking several together, one dies, some get accidents, some grow up plain in ap- pearance, and some want action. All these casualties and diminutions of value must be added to the value of what those who do turn out well ought to bring- to make the remainder pay their expenses, which to the private gentleman they never do or will. We will suppose he breeds three colts : then these three, at 123/. each, have cost him 369/. Now, he will be a very fortunate breeder if he can calculate on a num- ber as we will on the three, by supposing they grow up to be worth, at five years old, the following prices : 123., 100/., and 70/., making 293/. the three. De- duct this from their expenses in rearing, we shall find he is minus a little more than 25/. per horse by the speculation. From the representation I have made of the result of a gentleman breeding, two questions may naturally be asked 1st, why do so many breed? and, 2dly, how do some men make it pay ? I will endeavour to reply to both these questions. Many begin breeding from knowing nothing of its expense, and really thinking they are certain to get a very fine horse for very little money. I wish they may : but they will not. A very great number are tempted to breed BREEDING NOT ALWAYS PROFITABLE. 209 from having a favourite mare that they have used as long as she was fit for work, or has perhaps met with an accident that makes her no longer pleasant to use. They do not like to sell her to be subject to ill usage which she certainly would be if sold to that de- scription of person who buys worn-out horses. This induces them to breed from her, and is certainly the most humane and best reason a gentleman can give for doing so. If he studied economy, he would shoot her. Another person has also a favourite we will say she is a remarkably good animal, very fast, and a very fine goer. Because she is so, he determines to lay her by in her prime, and breed from her, making certain, that, because she is all I have mentioned, her progeny will be so likewise. No idea is more erro- neous. It sometimes turns out so, but it no more follows as a matter of course, or a thing to be in any way depended on, than that the son or daughter of an opera-dancer should inherit the grace or elasticity of the parent. This is well known in the breeding of race-horses. Many mares, which were themselves excellent runners, never produced one ; and others, which never could run themselves, have produced superior race-horses. Some men breed for amuse- ment. Fortunately for others, many men of large fortune do this, and take the greatest interest in the pursuit. Such men do a great deal of good, and de- serve the thanks of the community. It is a pursuit worthy a man of fortune, as tending to keep up a breed of superior horses in the country; but such men do not do it, or expect to do it, with profit to themselves. Respecting the second question, as to what persons VOL. i. r 210 BREEDING MADE PROFITABLE. do make money by breeding, it is briefly answered in very few words. They are men who make a trade of it, and I will endeavour to give some little idea how they do make it pay. They are usually persons holding large tracts of land at a low rent. Instead of paying five guineas for putting their mares to the horse, they keep a sire or two of their own. These horses, be- sides serving their own mares, are let out, and are a source of considerable profit. The persons they employ in the care of their mares and colts are en- gaged at half the cost of those employed by the gentleman breeder; and, what is of still more im- portance, in every way, the master is constantly in attendance on them himself. No waste is per- mitted here ; no accidents from the carelessness or inattention of servants : everything is well done, but done with the strictest economy. At three years old, his colts begin to earn their living by tilling or work- ing in some way on the ground that produces not only provender for themselves, but also for sale. They never do a hard day's work, or sufficient work to fatigue them ; but doing what is only moderate and healthful exercise, they earn what they eat. Even the mares, for a certain period in each year, do light work, which helps to keep them. By such manage- ment, economy, and saving of expense, the same colt that at five years old would have cost the private gentleman breeder 123/., does not cost the trader more than half. Thus it is clear gentlemen will save nothing by breeding, instead of, as I have advised, going to the dealer. Frequent complaints are made of the enormous prices our first-rate dealers demand for their horses. DEALING NOT ALL PKOFIT. 211 Granted: nor can they do themselves justice unless they do so. They give enormous prices for them, much more than people give them credit for; and they are at enormous expenses in order to get them. The travelling expenses of their men and themselves in searching for horses would exceed the credibility of persons unacquainted with the fact ; and without these expenses they could never supply themselves with such horses as are fit for their purpose in suffi- cient numbers. Four years ago I saw ten horses Elmore had bought at a fair, which, where I saw them, 120 miles from home, had then cost him 1000/. He had bought perhaps twenty or thirty others, some at higher, some at lower prices. All these had of course to be travelled home at considerable expense and risk. In travelling these young fresh horses, some of them are almost certain to be taken sick, and have to be left on the journey with a man to attend them. Here is additional expense. Some- times a valuable horse gets kicked, or blemished, or otherwise severely injured. Every possible precau- tion is used to prevent accidents ; still they do fre- quently occur. When half a dozen of these young horses are tied together to start in the morning fresh out of the stable, they play all sorts of tricks, kicking, rearing, plunging, throwing each other down : I have often see three or four of them, worth 100 guineas a-piece, all down together. The surprise is, not that accidents should occur, but that they do not occur much oftener than they do. Supposing the horses arrived at the dealer's stables : the riding-horses have to be rode ; if they are not quite steady, they must be ridden till they are : the harness horses have to 212 THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO THE BOOK. be matched, and driven till they are steady arid handy : and the single horses to be driven till they are also steady, and drive pleasantly and light in hand. All this takes time and expense, which must of course be added to the cost price, travelling expenses, accidents, &c. How then, in the name of common sense, can one of these horses be sold under a very high price ? There is, besides the expenditure and casualties I have mentioned, another very important item to be added to the dealer's expenses, and that is, bad debts. It may be said, that, aware of his being subject to this, he takes it into consideration in the price he puts on his horses. Doubtless he does so ; nor do I consider him or any other tradesman an object of com- miseration when this occurs, provided he only comes in for his proportionate share : but it must be remem- bered, that when the horse-dealer meets with customers who do not pay him, it is generally for rather heavy sums. Added to this is the very long credit he is obliged often to give. And so far as regards credit, the horse-dealer loses an advantage other trades- men enjoy. I believe, in the usual way, the gene- rality of tradesmen in buying their stock get three months' credit, and then give their acceptance at two months : not so with the horse-dealer. If he goes to a fair and purchases, he must pay ready money, and always does so. He is of course quite aware of all these expenses, and the disadvantages that he labours under, but his customers are not; and from this difference arises the general, but really erroneous, supposition as to the enormous profits of his trade. Profit of course he makes ; no one ESPRIT DE CORPS. 213 would wish he should not: but when every thing is taken into consideration, he really makes no more than a fair profit. We will now suppose that some private individual determines (that is, so far as he is personally con- cerned,) the dealer shall make no profit at all, and makes up his mind to go to a fair and purchase horses for his own purpose, concluding that he will be able to purchase the same class of horse as the dealer, at the same price. Thinking that if he can purchase horses for say 1001. that he is aware he should be asked 1201. for in London, it would be a considerable sum saved. So it would, if he could do it. But before he can do so, he must first get the judgment of the dealer, which he has not; and he must then know where to look for the horse he wants : this, being un- accustomed to fairs, he will not know, for valuable horses are not hawked about the streets in such places. Here are two great obstacles in the way of his purchasing judiciously ; but the great probability is, he would not be able to purchase at all. The regular dealers would not let him interfere with their trade : they would combine together to keep him out of the market, and would throw a thousand obstacles in his way, through themselves and their agents. If he did succeed in finding such horses as he wished to buy, they would join, outbid him in price, and divide the loss among themselves, rather than allow him to get them. They are very glad to see a country gen- tleman or breeder there, who comes with three or four young horses for sale, nor would they attempt to thwart him if he wanted to purchase a horse for his own use : but they certainly would consider any p 3 214 FISHING IN TROUBLED WATER. nobleman or man of fortune, who attempted the sup- plying himself with horses from the same source as themselves, as an intruder, and would as certainly pre- vent his doing so, at least to any advantage to him- self. Nor, if it is taken in a right point of view, can they well be blamed. Their trade is their bread, and if they permitted their customers to supply themselves without having recourse to the dealer, in the course of time the trade of the dealer would cease, or, to say the least, dimmish greatly: consequently, without any ill feeling towards the individual, they know it a matter of the first importance to keep him out of their market. This same feeling influences every class of men in trade, no matter what that trade or business may be. We will, however, even suppose that the private gentleman does find out the kind of horse he wishes to get, buys him, and gets him at the same price a dealer would have given for him : his business is only half done then, for he is by no means certain he will suit him. He has got him at a fair price (I do not mean a play upon the word), but if he should not suit him, he will turn out dear in the end, as he will have to sell him, and the odds are 20 to 1 but that he loses by him in price, independently of the trouble and ex- pense he was at to get him, though the dealer, by the same horse, bought at the same price, would have made money. Why is this ? The reason is obvious : the gentleman bought him for his own particular use : he finds he does not suit him, nor does he know any person that he will. Now, had the dealer bought him, he knows of many persons that he will suit. This at once accounts for the one losing, while the other gains. It will be asked, perhaps, why the horse should be supposed FINE FEAT11EKS MAKE FINE BIKDS. 215 as not likely to suit ? I merely consider it probable, from the purchaser not having had the opportunity of getting sufficient trial to ascertain whether or not he was likely to do so ; for it is not to be supposed that with a horse made up for sale, and brought to a fair, a buyer will be allowed to ride or drive five or six miles on trial, which he would be if he went to any respectable dealer to whom he was known ; and, without something like this trial, few men could judge how far a horse would be likely to suit them. Horses are to a very great degree objects of taste and caprice : people have their own peculiar predilections and fancies respecting them, which they have a right to enjoy, and if possible gratify. If a man wants a set of dining-tables, he has only to fix on a set whose dimensions are suited to his purpose, and whose fashion pleases his eye : they cannot well disappoint him when he uses them. A horse may also be the size he wants, appear to go as he wishes, and quite please him as to appearance ; but though the dinner- table is the same thing in the upholsterer's shop or out of it, many have found to their cost the horse in the fair and out of it is often quite a different one. He may go very handsomely when properly shown, and elated in the noise and bustle of a fair; he may also ride very pleasantly under such circum- stances, but will probably be found a very different animal when either shown or ridden without such excitement. The dealer is quite aware of this, and he can have no further trial than the gentleman ; but his object is quite different : the dealer buys to sell, the gentleman to use. The horse is shown to both under similar circumstances : the dealer sees that with proper means used he is to be made to look well, show well, * 4 216 SPICED BEEF. and go well; that is enough for him: for he will take care that the same means are used when he offers him for sale. In some elucidation of this, we will see how differently the gentleman and the dealer act. Supposing each going to see a horse with the view of purchasing him: the first thing the gentleman re- quests is, that he may not be gingered, that no whip may be used, that he may be allowed to stand as he likes, and then go as he likes (this is supposing the gentleman knows what he is about) : he is quite right, for this is the way he will be treated while in his possession, and this is the way in which he will be allowed to go. If he goes handsomely, cheerfully, and well when thus left to himself, he is in all pro- bability naturally a good goer, a free and light-hearted horse. Now, let the dealer go to look at a horse in a gentleman's stable, he will most likely be shown by the groom in the same quiet way I have described : to this the dealer has no objection, but he will see a little more of him before he buys him : he then makes a positive agreement as to the price he is to have him for, if he buys him : this done, he tells his own man, who generally accompanies him on such occasions, to take hold of his head, gives him a " corn/' in other words a bit of ginger, puts him against a wall, gives him a few strokes of the whip to waken him a bit, tells his man to " run on/' rattles his whip-handle in the crown of his hat, and then sees how the horse will look when he shows him. The dealer is as right as the gentleman. They each wish to see the horse in the way in which he is to answer their different purposes, and the purpose for which each buys him. The difference, however, between his answering the purpose of the two buyers is very great. If he docs A CHEAP LESSON. 217 not ineet the gentleman's views and wishes, he is quite in his way ; in fact, useless to him. It cannot turn out so with the dealer : he has got a young, sound, blooming, selling-looking horse, which is enough for him, be his imperfections in other particulars what they may (at least to a certain extent) ; if he does not suit one customer he will another, and thus he is sure to sell him to some one : whereas the gentleman, in getting what does not suit him, may think himself well off if he gets rid of him at 161. or 201. loss. We will say he is fortunate enough to buy only two before he gets a third that does suit, and loses the lowest sum, 15/., by each. He had originally given 100/., and loses 30/. by the two, besides expenses. How much richer is he than if he had gone to the dealer and given him 130/. for one that he (the dealer) had bought for 100/. ? It strikes me, not much, except in one respect, and that is in experience which, by the by, if he afterwards makes use of it, is really cheap at the 30. I have merely supposed the private gentleman goes twice to a fair, and gets two horses that do not suit him on trial, and have concluded that on his third attempt he has succeeded. To show that I am very much below the mark in the odds I have given against him, we will suppose that he had gone to a dealer's yard and was shown forty or fifty horses: out of these he sees nine or ten that, in point of size, price, and figure, appear to be likely to answer his purpose. Now, if he would at first tell the dealer the particular qualification he requires in the horse he wishes to buy, he would save himself, the dealer, and his ser- vants, a great deal of trouble. He would in that case be put on two or three out of the ten that hap- 218 THE LONG ODDS. pened to possess these particular qualifications; he would be allowed a fair and reasonable trial, and would no doubt get what he wanted. This will show that the dealer knew there were but two or three out of the ten that were likely to meet his par- ticular wishes ; and also shows that among ten horses, all looking like what he wants, it is just seven to three against his getting one that is even likely to suit him. He rides the three, and finds one, and one only, of the three that he approves. As it therefore ap- pears that out of ten horses, each of which looked like what he wanted, he finds but one that is so, it must be as clear as any demonstration Euclid could make, that had he seen these ten horses in a fair, it is just nine to one against his having fixed on the one for his purpose. Now, when I speak of this horse being fit for his purpose, I beg it may be understood that I only mean that he finds him so as far as re- gards pleasantness to ride or drive. As to his turning out good, or good for nothing, when put to work, that is quite another affair: he must take his chance for that, as every man must who buys a young sound untried horse. In exemplification of this I recall to mind an anecdote of Wimbush. I took a friend to him to buy a pair of carriage-horses : he fixed on a pair, saw them driven, and quite approved of them ; so did I. He then said, " Now, Mr. Wimbush, I buy these horses from the recommendation of my friend, and I rely on you that they are a pair of good horses." " Pray don't, Sir," says Wimbush ; " I know no- thing about that. If you want a pair that I can answer for as good ones, I will take a pair off a job that I can answer for ; but these young devils I have only bought in a fair. I have warranted them quiet YOUNG DEVILS. 219 in harness and sound, and they shall be so to you: but as to their goodness, you must take your chance of that." My friend bought the young devils, as Wimbush called them, and they turned out well: but supposing they had proved diametrically the re- verse, it would have been no fault of his : he could not tell what effect different work and different treat- ment might produce : all he could be expected to do, in truth all he could do, was to put such horses in his customer's hands, that, as far as he had seen or knew of them, were likely to answer the purpose for which they were designed. He has then done all in his power ; his customer has got what he no doubt con- siders the great desideratum to get, young sound horses, and must keep them for better for worse, as the thing may turn out : they may be very desirable attainments : I can only say I never bought such in a general way for my own. use, nor ever will, nor would the dealer for his: he knows better; he buys such for sale, because he knows the generality of his cus- tomers will buy none other of him, and of course his interest is to meet their wishes and opinions : his own upon this subject he wisely keeps to himself: he knows, and I know, that a young horse from his stable cannot be fit to do one day's moderate work under at least six weeks from the time of his being purchased. Few persons are aware of this ; and even those who are so are often impatient to get their new purchase to work, and trust to their luck that he does not get amiss in consequence. Hence the great number who get all sorts of diseases soon after being put to work. On this subject, however, more anon. Very few persons are at all aware of the treat* merit a young valuable horse has undergone before 220 EXOTICS. he gets into the dealer's hands. In the first place, such a horse has never done one day's even mo- derate work since the hour he was foaled. The breeder would not risk his doing it. It matters not to him be he good or good for nothing ; he merely wants him to look well by the time he means to offer him for sale ; and provided his constitution and stamina are good enough to enable him to be brought to this, it is all he requires or cares about. He has tried him sufficiently to ascertain that he rides pleasantly at the end of jive miles ; he is in no way interested in what he might do at the end of twenty, nor will he risk his knocking his legs about or cutting his ankles- by trying. Why should he ? When he sells him, he does not guarantee to sell you a good horse : he gives a warranty that he is a certain age, that he is sound and free from vice ; and provided he proves to be so, he has conscientiously fulfilled his compact with the purchaser. Now for some months before any of the great fairs, the horses the breeder intends sending there are being prepared for the purpose ; that is, by taking no more exercise than is absolutely necessary to keep them in health, and are literally put up to fatten, like any other beast for market, placed in an even and warm temperature in the stable, to keep their coats fine ; and by the time they are wanted for sale are made in every way ripe for the purpose. They come out fat, blooming, beautiful in their skins, and of course in the highest spirits, but as unfit for and incapable of a day's work as the pampered child of a lady of fashion, and as sensible of even the slightest variation of the atmosphere as any exotic from the hot-house. In this state they are sold to the dealer, USEFUL ANIMALS VERY. 221 who is forced to nurse them like children, to get them home in safety, in which, however, and par- ticularly in bad weather, he does not always succeed. Supposing they do arrive safely at his stables, as he is quite aware how they have been treated, he is forced (for a time at least) to keep them in the same forced and artificial state. He knows well enough that by so doing he is laying the foundation for all sorts of diseases ; but what is he to do ? He dares not change the system, except by slow degrees ; and this in a great measure he does, if he keeps any of them long enough ; but probably some of them are sold in two or three days after their arrival. Now let me ask, what on earth is an animal in this state fit for beyond being shown in a dealer's yard ? Why literally nothing, till, figuratively speaking, he has been taken to pieces and put together again. Of all the internal diseases of which the horse is liable, and more particularly fat horses, inflammation of the lungs is by far the most prevalent, the most sudden in its commencement, the most rapid in its progress, and the most fatal in its effects. It is to this disease that horses in the state and condition I have mentioned are, more than any other, particularly liable. Once attacked by it, unless immediately and judiciously attended to, two or three days bring on the crisis, which under such circumstances mostly ends in death : yet do and probably will most persons persevere in putting such horses to work without preparation for it. By so doing, they are unjust to themselves, the animal, and the dealer from whom he has been purchased, who in most cases, however, comes in for all the blame, whereas it rests solely with the impatience, ignorance (in this particular), or 222 REFORMATION AND PREPARATION. obstinacy of the purchaser. No horse in the artificial state I have described should be put to even moderate work under about the six weeks I have mentioned before. During this time he should get at least two, generally three, doses of physic, and proper exercise, which, after the first three weeks, should be daily but gradually increased. He should also by the same gradual means be got to bear a stable of proper tem- perature, and get accustomed to change of weather. His drink and his food should also be changed, and in lieu of the constant hot mashes, hot gruel, hot potatoes, and God knows what other trash he was fattened on, good oats and an occasional cooling mash should be substituted. By the end of the six weeks a large portion of the gross and unhealthy fat with which he was loaded will have been got off, and he may be put to moderate work with safety. I say moderate work, for let not the purchaser imagine his horse is yet in condition for severe exertion : all that has as yet been done for him has only been undoing what never ought to have been done; consequently he is now only in that state when the proper means of bringing him into condition can with safety be re- sorted to ; this, good and proper food, good stable management, and regular work will effect without further difficulty or danger. There may be perhaps many persons who may think the precautions I have pointed out as unnecessary, and the danger I have represented as exaggerated : if there be such, and doubtless there are many, let them ask any respect- able dealer, or any other really good judge of horses, whether they are so. If they say that they are, I will bow with submission : if not, and the advice I have given is acted upon, I shall feel my time, so far from having been thrown away, has been usefully employed. VARIATION AND SPECULATION. 223 I stated, a few pages back, that probably the dealer might ask something like 130/. for the horse he had bought at 100/. Now I by.no means intend to infer that this is about the average advance he would ask on his purchase : this must all depend on the parti- cular merits of each horse. What may be his average profits on all his horses, nothing but his books can tell. On some his profit will be enormous, and on some a very moderate one ; some will only save their price and expenses ; by some he will lose considerably, while occasionally from deaths or accidents, he must lose both cost-price and expenses in toto. This very great fluctuation may appear singular to a person not conversant with this particular trade : it is, never- theless, a true statement of the fact. It never struck me till this moment that I possessed intuitive genius or talents of the higher order : I am, however, now quite convinced that such is the case, inasmuch as I found out, in some part of these hints, that a horse is not a mahogany dining-table : till he is, the profits on his purchase can never be reduced to anything like a certainty. This arises in a great measure from the very little time first-rate dealers can bestow in the examination of each horse they buy. A dealer of inferior grade, who intends purchasing half a dozen horses, can afford to lose two or three days in the purchase of them ; and if he saves 20/. by so doing, it answers his purpose, and he is well paid for his time, trouble, and the numberless underhand tricks he has made use of to get them at his own price of which I purpose giving some idea when I speak of this class of dealer. Not so with the large dealer : he purchases perhaps fifty high-priced horses in two days : he cannot afford, on an average, ten mi- nutes to the examination of each horse : his practised 224 DECISION. eye and constant habit enable him to purchase half a hundred horses, so as, taking them together, they pay him ; but he could not stand higgling for a few pounds in the price of each horse, or even give himself time to investigate every minor circumstance relative to each: he buys on a broad scale, and, taking them together as a lot, buys them well; of course some turn out better, some a little worse, than he at first sight thought them to be. Still this off-hand mode of buying pays him ; for if he devoted a couple of hours to the getting any one particular horse five pounds cheaper, by this delay he would only gain the five pounds in him, and lose fifty by missing five other horses that he would have purchased in these two hours. I know of no man who generally gives so little trouble in buying a horse, or as a stranger is so desirable a man to offer a horse to, as one of this class of dealers : he sees your horse out ; if he does not like him, he makes up his mind at once he would not buy him at any price, but generally ci- villy tells you he is a very clever horse, though too big or too little for his purpose ; in fact, makes some excuse for not purchasing him, so as not to offend you. If, on the contrary, he thinks him adapted to his purpose, he inquires the price ; and if he finds it far exceeds his ideas of his value, he states at once that it is far beyond what he can afford to give, thanks you for the sight of him, wishes you a better customer, and thinks no more about him. On the other hand, if he finds you ask something like his estimation of his value, he tells you what, as a dealer, he can afford to give ; and if you do not take it, there is no harm done. He seldom alters much in his offer : if you agree to take it, he gets you to sign a receipt and warranty, A TRUMP CAKD. 225 hands you your money at once, and the transaction is ended. It not unfrequently happens that a particular horse or two are brought into the fair for which an as- tounding price is demanded. This does not frighten a dealer of high repute : if he really sees him to be what he would call " quite a nice one," price does not deter him : he makes up his mind to have him, and have him he will ; twenty or thirty pounds more or less makes no difference in his determination, for with a horse of this sort, it is not whether he expects to get twenty or thirty pounds profit, but that he intends to make eighty or a hundred by him. He, therefore, often buys him at a price that makes bystanders stare (if there happen to be any) ; he is quite right: he knows of purchasers ready for such a horse at any price he may choose to ask for him the day he gets him home, for when horses get beyond a certain price, their value is nominal it is in fact what certain men will give rather than go without them. He knows this, and it is his in- terest not to let such a horse escape him : he will probably pay better than half a dozen of his other purchases. It is the usual practice of dealers, when they have bought, say a dozen horses, to send them off to some town ten or fifteen miles from the fair. This is done for several reasons : it gets. them thus far on their way home the day they are bought, they rest better out of the noise of a fair, and it saves considerable ex- pense in stable room ; for it is a frequent trick with innkeepers to charge enormously for stalls during any of the great fairs. These horses stand in the town to which they have been sent till those that VOL. i. Q 226 THE REVIEW. have been subsequently purchased arrive, and till the dealer himself arrives also. Here he has them all paraded before him, or, in more dealer-like phrase, he has a private show to see, on a second inspection, how they look, how they go, whether they appear sound, and in a fit state to go on. And here, if the Reader were in his confidence, he would hear something like the following remarks, made on the different horses as they are led out. We will suppose the dealer has a friend or brother-dealer with him, overlooking the lot : " That's a useful sort of nag, and not much too dear. Run on, Jack ; that horse goes well ; that'll do : go in." Something like this is perhaps said of four or five : " Come on, Jack ; now I like this horse a deal better than I did when I saw him yes- terday. 1 was very near losing him. I am glad now I did not ; he is a better nag than I thought he was : he'll do ; go in." " Now here is a horse wants but little to be quite a nice one: I booked him the minute I saw him ; run on ; he can go ; he cost a hundred, and cheap at the money : come on." The next alters the tone a little : " Why, Jack, that ain't the grey I got of the Parson ? " " Yes, it is, Sir." "Why, I thought him a bigger horse.; but then he makes a deal of himself when going, and that deceived me: the Parson got the best of me: he ain't a bit too cheap, and not a very bad one neither ; there, go in." " Now here comes one of the best nags I have bought for some time : I look on him as the best horse in the fair for leather. I gave a good deal of money for him, a hundred and fifty ; but he is sold at three hundred (N. B., being sold in this case does not mean that he actually is so, but that he will be sold to some particular cus- tomer so soon as he gets home.) I offered a hun- HE GETS HIS PRICE FOR "A PONY." 227 dred for him last year; he was only a baby then; I like him better now at the odd fifty; there, go in." " Come on : why that horse is lame. I said yesterday I was sure he did not go level, but the Gen- tleman said he never was lame in his life : I dare say he thought so : he must go back ; let him be put in a loose box, and I will write about him." . . . . " Ah ! here comes one I was sure I should not like. I hated the devil the minute I saw him ; but I was fool enough to be tempted by price : I thought him cheap : sarves me right : there take him away ; I've seen enough of him ; we'll ship him as soon as he gets home to somebody at some price." " Here's a horse I gave plenty of money for; but he is a nice nag: I wanted him for a match for Lady : she is a good customer, and I mean to let her have him just for his expenses ; go in, Jack, and bring out the pony." " There now, if I know what a nice pony is, there's one; I gave eighty for him ; he'll roll over (roll over means just double his cost price) : I mean him for Lord ; he won't ride one over fourteen hands, and rides eighteen stone : he's cheap to him at a hundred and sixty : if such men won't pay, and they want to ride, let them go by the road waggon." This is a tolerably general sample of the kind of observations likely to be made on horses bought in a fair ; arid allowing it to be so, the Reader will see, that if a dealer sometimes buys too dear, how little chance would a person unaccustomed to fairs have in at- tempting to purchase there ? It cannot be a matter of surprise that the dealer, however good a judge he may be, should perhaps buy one out of six that may not pay him : it is only surprising that he should get so many that do. Let a private individual try to do a 2 228 A THING IS WORTH WHAT IT WILL FETCH. this, and he will find his average, in lieu of one out of six that may not pay well, will be more likely to be six out of seven that he will lose by. Among the horses I supposed the dealer as having bought was one for which he states he gave one hundred and fifty, and he is certain of selling him at three hundred. "We will allow that one hundred and fifty is a strong price for a dealer to give for a harness-horse, which, so far as he knows, has only soundness, good looks, and action to recommend him, and that a hundred and fifty added is a strong profit : granted that it is so; but it by no means follows, if he does sell him at three hundred, that he sells him at a hundred and fifty more than he is worth, or indeed even at one sovereign more : the value of a thing is what it will sell for. He does in this case unquestionably sell him at a hundred and fifty, say two hundred, more than his general marketable price among the gene- rality of purchasers ; but this is not the light in which such a horse is to be looked at. He was not purchased at first for the generality of purchasers, but for a particular market and that market composed of a select number of men of fortune, amateurs in horses, who, to gratify their vanity, taste, or caprice, or perhaps all together, are content to give these sort of prices. The man of wealth and fashion will have his gratifications (no matter in what) : he expects and is willing to pay for them. If his cook is really a superior artiste, he gives him a hundred or a hundred and fifty pounds a-year pretty strong wages no doubt : still, if other men of the same rank would be willing to give this cook (artiste, I beg his pardon) the same, that is the man's value among those who can afford to employ him I again beg his pardon; I should say, avail themselves of his A HORSE-DEALER NO BROKER. 229 talents. It is just so with the horse : so long as he is kept and used by the same class, so long he is worth the three hundred, and if he changed hands among this class would bring the same price. Though the dealer had a particular customer in his mind's eye when he bought this horse, and sold him to this identical customer, he perhaps knew of several others who would have purchased him at a similar price. In this case, then, he in reality sold the animal for no more than his value to the purchaser, though paying a high profit to the dealer. This brings upon the carpet another page in the ca- talogue of crimes placed to the account of the dealer ; which is, the difference between buying of and selling to him. On this subject much more might be said than I intend troubling the Reader with. I must, however, remark, as a primary clause in my defence of him in this particular, that it is not a part of his trade to repurchase horses, or to buy them at all after they have been in and about London. We will sup- pose, by way of one particular case, that the pur- chaser of the horse I have been lately alluding to, without having any fault to find with the animal, who, on the contrary, we will suppose, has turned out to be all he anticipated or wished, still for some reason wishes to dispose of him. The first thing he probably does is to go to the dealer from whom he purchased him, and, perhaps naturally enough, expects he will be disposed to buy him. Now I must first apprise my Reader, that a dealer would at any moment just as soon see that Gentleman who is represented as wearing those pleasing appen- dages of horns and hoofs enter his yard as a horse he has sold, when he returns there for the purpose 230 SUCH IS THE FAVOUR OF PRINCES. of being sold to him, particularly a horse of the value of the one described. He knows he cannot in re- purchasing do justice to himself, and at the same time give satisfaction to his customer; consequently, to avoid, if possible, giving any offence or losing his money, he begins (and perhaps with truth) by de- claring "that his stables are quite full; that he has really more horses on his hands than he knows what to do with ; that the season for harness-horses is nearly gone by ; that he is selling off his own horses of this sort to make room for hunters, which are the only horses he intends buying till the spring; that in the spring he would be happy to buy a dozen such as the one offered ; but that now he should have to keep the horse and lay out of his money for at least seven months before he could think of even offering him for sale." Now all this is more or less true, though the whole is set down as mere excuses on the part of the dealer; and they are most unques- tionably brought forward to avoid entering on the proposed treaty; and it finally ends in his giving what is really the best and most honest advice under existing circumstances, namely, that the horse should be turned out for the winter ; in which case he would again come out a splendid horse for the purpose for which he was at first purchased. This advice is, however, almost certain not to be attended to. The real fact is, his owner, as a man of fashion and fortune, was determined to have one of the finest horses in London for his cab : he bought him ; his friends had all seen and admired him ; the no- velty of the thing was over: and a new toy is wanted, for as toys such horses must be esti- mated. The owner was determined to have a whistle for his amusement; he bought a highly ornamented "FOLLY AS IT FLIES." 231 one at the season when whistles were in demand ; paid a proportionate price for it; has blown it till whistles are no longer in demand ; and, forgetting it is but a whistle, is greatly surprised to find he is likely to pay rather dear for his music. Mais revenons a nos moutons. We left the owner strenuously urging the dealer to purchase, and the latter as assiduously endeavouring to get out of the affair. Let us suppose that the owner loses if he sells the horse on whom should the fault rest ? Certainly not on the dealer. If a Nobleman or Gentleman is content to buy such a horse for his use as is driven by a hundred other Noblemen and Gentlemen, from a hundred to a hundred and fifty would have been probably the maximum price. Such a horse, making allowance for the time of year in which he might be offered for sale, would always command something close upon the same price : but if any person is determined to possess any rarity, no matter of what sort, and afterwards wishes to dis- possess himself of it, he must either find a purchaser among those who are on the look-out for rarities, or make up his mind to pay dearly for his temporary possession of it. The dealer naturally declines buy- ing what he knows he must lose money by; and no blame can be attached to him for so doing. The owner forgets, in wishing to sell his horse, that he partly does so because people of fashion are leaving London, and that he is doing so himself: he forgets, that instead of giving without a murmur three hundred for this same horse, he would not purchase him at the time he wants to sell him at even half the original price; he ought to consider that others would feel the same thing; and that the dealer, aware that Q 4 232 " THE WEAK GO TO THE WALL." such is the case, wisely declines burthening himself with an unsaleable commodity. In fact, the dealer should have been the last person instead of the iirst to have been applied to. An animal of this description once purchased should be sold only to and among a certain circle, till time and use have rendered him no longer a novelty, and bring him to the price of ordinary purchasers, among whom he would probably be sold, re-sold, and sold again without much loss, if any, to his different masters. I have dwelt thus long on this supposed case to account for the great fluctuation often arising in the price of the same animal in a few months, which does not arise from any diminution in his intrinsic value, but depends on the situation in which he is placed from being offered to different classes of persons, and to account for the fact that Gentlemen do, as they represent, often purchase so dear, and are compelled to sell (comparatively) so cheap. But this is not confined to horses only : it will be found to bear equally on any other description of merchandise. The tradesman must have his profit. If you want to dispose of any purchased article, the least you can expect to lose is the tradesman's profit on it, and the quantum of loss to be sustained depends on the judgment employed in the purchase, and the de- scription of article purchased. A friend of mine, a very good judge of horses in a general way, went to see a horse for a wager carry a dealer's boy over a monstrous high wall. I accom- panied him, was much astonished at the leap, and quite as much that so heavy-headed ill-made a beast should be capable of the feat. My friend was so GETTING IN. 233 infatuated by the performance, that nothing I could say prevented his buying the brute at a hundred and fifty guineas ; and if he intended to keep him to do nothing but jump a brick-wall for the entertainment of his friends, he was worth the money ; but for any other earthly purpose, he was not worth twenty pounds, as nothing else could he do with satisfaction to any one who rode him. I met my friend a few weeks after- wards riding the beast, and expressed my surprise at his so doing ; but he made a very sensible reply, which silenced me at once : " My dear fellow, I am not a very rich man : I have found him quite as bad as you told me I should, but I cannot afford to lose a hundred guineas, which I must do at the least if I determine at once to sell him : so I ride the wretch till I can find as great a fool as myself to buy him." Fortunately he hunted about till he did find the fool he wanted, and got off with no farther loss than the keep of the animal for a few months. Having mentioned the folly of my friend, and the risk he ran of losing a considerable sum by pleasing his fancy, it is but fair I should mention an instance of my own, who, being some years his senior, ought to have known better. 1 went to see a stud of horses for sale at Tattersall's : I perceived that one horse among the stud seemed to attract very great atten- tion, and this I thought was easily accounted for from his being one of the finest horses I think I ever saw. But I found another cause for this general attraction, when I heard he was not only beyond any competition the widest jumper in the stud, but known to be the widest brook or drain-jumper in Lincoln- shire, where he had been hunted. He was put up with the rest, and I bought him at a hundred 234 GETTING OUT. guineas. He was no sooner knocked down to me than I felt I had done wrong. Several others of the same stud were sold at far higher prices, not one of which could any way be compared to him as to looks, size, or breeding : in short, I felt certain he was too cheap to be good. A couple of guineas to the head- groom produced no explanation but that he was a very good horse, the fastest in the stud, and the biggest jumper in Lincolnshire. I hunted him ; found him fast enough to go at his ease up to any hounds with any scent ; nothing too big for him to take in his stride, and a mistake seemed impossible, so it was at any thing he chose to try : but he seemed to think it quite beneath his dignity to jump at any ordinary fence ; and I should say, during three times I rode him with hounds, he was on his nose with me twenty times. He had another pleasing propensity : if there were twenty little water-drains in the field, I would back him to put his foot into every one of them. I was lucky enough, however, to find a farmer who piqued himself on being the boldest rider in the country where I was hunting, and had on more than one occasion pounded the whole Field. It struck me the widest jumper in all Lincolnshire and my dauntless friend the farmer would be well matched : it ended in my allowing him to try " Lin- coln" at a brook that had been considered in the hunt as impassable without a boat or taking a cold bath. The price was agreed upon if the horse did it : he took it and to spare. I drew 50/., taking in exchange decidedly one of the cleverest hunters I ever had, and eventually sold him at a hundred and fifty when fourteen years old. From these two little anecdotes it will be seen how SILVER LIKE GOLD MAY BE BOUGHT TOO DEAK. 235 much the prices of horses depend on circumstances. Had my friend not had patience to wait for the right customer, he would probably have lost a hundred by the wall jumper : had I attempted to sell my Lincoln- shire bargain in his own country, fifty would have been his estimated price, though very fast, very good, singularly handsome, and in some respects no doubt an animal of astonishing powers. I have said that the amount of loss to be expected by a purchaser on selling the article purchased de- pends in a great measure on the article itself. The facility or difficulty of disposing of most articles chiefly depends upon the utility and general demand for the article in question. If it be one in general demand, it is usually to be got rid of at little more loss than the tradesman's profit, provided it has not been used so as to prevent it being again sold as new : if, on the contrary, it is an article of taste or vertu, it has pro- bably been bought at a fancy price ; and should there be a necessity of selling this, excepting among the cognoscenti, the loss on the purchase must be neces- sarily great : no matter whether a bronze horse or a live one, the principle applies the same. As for example : Two ladies go to the same silversmith's say Storr and Mortimer as a house of undoubted respecta- bility. Mrs. A. orders dinner-forks, spoons, and ladles, and dessert to correspond in proper propor- tions, silver bread-basket, and a waiter or two, the amount of which adds up to 200/. : Mrs. B. orders an epergne of beautiful workmanship, which comes to the same sum. The forks and spoons of course elicit no remarks from Mrs. A.'s friends, being articles of daily use and regarded as common necessaries : while, 236 THE GIVE-AND-TAKE PLATE. on the contrary, Mrs. B.'s epergne is pronounced quite new, recherche, and in accordance with her gene- ral good taste and judgment (Remember, Reader, the three-hundred-guinea cab-horse was admired just as much). Now we will suppose the two ladies, after a time, wish to exchange their different purchases for other articles of a newer or a different pattern : mark the results. Mrs. A.'s articles cost her about Is. fid. per ounce, and in round numbers we will say they weighed 550 ounces : in exchanging them she would probably lose 2s. an ounce, about in money 55/. Mrs. B.'s beautiful epergne, which perhaps weighed 100 ounces, is not an object of common demand like spoons and forks ; therefore, had it weighed the same, would not be worth as much : but it was in no way sold by weight, and all its beautiful and elaborate workmanship tells for nothing ; so this article loses, first at least 121. on its weight of 100 ounces, and the actual value of it as old silver is about 25/. Assur- edly this is really worse than horse-dealing, and the loss arises from precisely the same cause. 300/. was too much to give to please the fancy- for the moment in the cab-horse, and 200/. too much for the epergne. Neither the dealer nor Storr and Mortimer were to blame. The dealer often sells horses within a few days after he has purchased ; but, on the other hand, he keeps some many weeks, and even months, before he finds a customer for them, notwithstanding he has used all his ingenuity, industry, and patience to dispose of them : yet the private individual is quite surprised and dissatisfied, if, when tired of his purchase, he can- not in a few days get him off his hands without con- siderable loss. The dealer had patience to wait many "THE TABLET'S A TALL MAN FORE HEAVEN." 237 weeks before he could get his price, notwithstanding his extensive connexion and knowledge of his trade : the least then the Gentleman can do is to use the same patience, take the same time, and adopt the same means in endeavouring to find a purchaser. This, however, he will not do, nor could he if he would : he must therefore make a severe sacrifice, un- less he is fortunate enough to find the same kind of person my friend was for many months in search of when wishing to sell the horse of brick- wall notoriety. After all, however, is said, and the sacrifice made, there is no great cause of complaint, provided he has been gratified by the temporary possession of what he only bought for temporary gratification. He might with as much reason complain, after eating a pine that cost him 145. It is true a pear would have slaked his thirst just as well, but he did not think so : at the time, the pine he fancied, and the pine he would have; the pear was too common for his aristocratic mouth, though he might, like My Lord Huntingtower, have eaten a dozen of the latter for half the price of the former. There is a great satisfaction in serving- such customers, and it is really cruel in them to damp that satisfaction by even hinting at the price they have paid. I have often lamented when a boy that the knife I had bought, never, after three days, looked the same as it appeared in the cutler's shop : people will gene- rally find this hold equally with a horse bought out of a dealer's hands : he there looks as he probably will never look again while in their possession; at least, this is the case with the generality of horses. They there see a horse brought to the highest state of per- fection in point of appearance that human ingenuity 238 BYE PLAY. can effect, or to which he is capable of being brought : the stable he stands in so constructed as to set him off to the best advantage ; even his quarter-cloth is put on to show his shape with the most effect; his head-collar is made so as to give a light and pleas- ing appearance to his head ; not a hair in his tail or mane is permitted to lie the wrong way ; his very shoes are shaped to give his foot the very best form ; when brought out, he is not permitted to stand for a moment in a disadvantageous position. If he is a fine horse, in order to show how little is required to show him off, you may hear the dealer say to his man, " Let him stand where he likes, Jem ; it don't matter how he stands," laying a strong emphasis on the he ; but depend upon it the dealer knows perfectly well when he says this that he is standing on one of the most advantageous spots in the yard ; and not taking him to the general show-place has its effect on the purchaser's mind : it does not look dealer-like, and has an air of carelessness about it, as much as to say, you may buy him or not as you like. We will suppose the customer wishes to ride the horse himself on trial : a private servant would probably call for a saddle, and put it on the horse's back as he stands: the dealer's man knows his business better ; he knows that horses never look to advantage during the ope- ration of being saddled, but on the contrary set up their backs, swell against the girths, and put them- selves in unseemly positions. To avoid all this, the horse is taken into the stable, and there saddled, care of course being taken that the saddle is put on so as to set his shoulder off to the best advantage. While the ceremony of combing and water-brushing his mane and tail is gone through, he has had time to set down his CONFEDERACY. 239 back, and comes out looking like himself and " all right." We will now suppose he has been ridden, brought back, and approved of: he is then not allowed to stand one minute, but is taken at once into the stable for this reason, he has been seen and ridden, and has given satisfaction, and he may therefore be considered sold. No advantage could be gained by his being further inspected ; therefore, while all is well and the customer favourably impressed with his merits, he is taken away, lest by any possibility lie may do something to offend, or look to less advantage than he has hitherto done. Now the private indivi- dual knows nothing about the necessity of attending to all these minutiaB : it never struck him they were attended to, because it was all done as a matter of course and habit, consequently there was nothing particular in the conduct of the dealer or his man. No orders were given ; but it was done : and by this kind of apparently simple routine many a customer is done also I should on second thought rather say induced to buy, for in all this really nothing in any way unfair has been practised. The dealer has, like any other tradesman, set his goods off to the best advantage, and his man only done his part to the same purpose. The man who keeps a muslin and lace shop parades his goods, and his Hyperion-curled assistant shows his lace over his hand. I allow this to be all fair, and the dealer in horses and the dealer in lace are equally honest. The two subordinates are also equally honest, though not equally respectable, for I never can hold that man in respect that does what is not the province of a man to do. The dealers man does what no woman could do ; the other does what only a woman ought to do. 240 " 'TIS STRANGE, 'TIS PASSING STRANGE." But to return to the horse that has been shown, seen, ridden, approved of, and purchased. A few days after these events, the owner wishes to show his purchase to a friend, and recollecting the imposing appearance of the nag in the dealer's yard, he naturally expects he will look the same now, and strike his friend with the same admiration the owner felt on seeing him. Greatly, however, to his surprise and dismay, he perceives him to cut quite a different figure, barely looking the same animal. He cannot under- stand this : he sees that it is so, but why it is so he can in no way account for. Had he read the few Hints I have given, merely as relating to a very few of the attentions paid to appearances when shown by one who knows something of his business, he would not be quite so much in the dark : still, supposing him to make some use of those Hints, he cannot nor ever will show the horse, or any horse, like the dealer. How should he? he was not bred to the trade. Reverting to the objection dealers have to purchase a horse they have sold, the Reader must bear in mind my having before represented the passion most people have for horses quite fresh. Now this perfectly fresh look goes off in a horse much sooner than most per- sons suppose; and though, provided he has been only moderately worked for six months, he is intrinsically a far better animal for use, and sometimes improved to the eye of a judge from having lost some of his superfluous fat, this will not alter the case : he does not look so new (for new is not an inappropriate term to be applied to a dealer's horse). This newness does, and I suppose will continue to put a stamp of value on whatever is sought to be purchased by the gene- rality of mankind. To have the first of a thing seems ANALOGIES. 241 the great desideratum, whether in a horse or any thing else. The dealer is aware of this infatuation on the part of his customers : he knows the horse is a better and more useful animal than when he sold him, but he knows his customers would not like him as well: he finds them horses; he is not bound to find them sense ; and till he or something else does, the new horse will be preferred. This predilection for very young horses would almost lead to the belief that people imagine that in every five-year-old unused horse they have a right to expect a given quantum of work, as in every bottle of wine they have a given number of glasses full: now if there was any analogy between the certain quantum of work in the horse and the quantum of wine in a bottle, there can be no doubt but the pre- dilection would be judicious. The bottle from which two glasses have been taken is not worth as much by one sixth as the fresh bottle that contains twelve : so if we could be certain that in every five-year-old horse there were twelve years of work, the horse that had been used two years would, like the bottle, be just one sixth diminished in value. But this is not the case : the same calculation in no way holds good be- tween the two objects: but between a horse and a watch something like a simile may be brought to bear, as we naturally expect both to go ; and so they both do more or less ; some go very well, some mo- derately so, some very badly, while some, figuratively speaking, cannot go at all. The action of both de- pends beyond doubt in a general way on the scientific manner in which the working parts of each have been put together ; and the duration of time that each will continue to go depends on the goodness of the ma- VOL. I. K 242 GOING SOMEHOW. terial of which each has been made. If we go to a good watchmaker and pay him a good price, he can be almost certain in selling a watch that will go well, and continue to do so, from knowing the goodness of its materials, and the skill employed in putting them together. The manufacturer of any other article can be equally certain of its relative goodness : but I know of no manufacturer of horses ; and until one is found, though our eye can tell us the horse that goes well, we must trust to chance as to how long he will continue to go: the soundness of his materials can only be found out by trial ; and yet such is the per- versity or folly of men in general, that though some one has risked this trial, the horse none the worse for it (indeed the better), and proved to be likely to con- tinue a good and useful servant, it is this very trial that will in nine cases out of ten depreciate him in the estimation of a purchaser. I think I can now bring the purchasing a horse and a watch in such close affinity as to bear precisely the same on each. We will suppose a salesman (not a manufacturer) to have twenty new watches sent him for sale, all good-looking, but the maker un- known : in this case neither he nor a purchaser can form any opinion of their goodness, nor have either the slightest means of judging of their relative soundness of material : all that a purchaser can do is to select the one that pleases his eye, and that he finds will at all events go at present. We will say ten of these are sold, and at the end of the year, like horses, some have gone well during the whole time ; others have continued to go for the same time, but badly; some have gone for six months, and then could go no longer ; while some did not go for a THE WAY OF THE WORLD. 243 week. Suppose the purchaser of one of the two or three that have gone well for the twelve months, and are still going on well, should he wish to sell his pur- chase, and the same salesman again undertakes the sale of it, we might naturally suppose that every person would take this proved good watch in prefer- ence to one of the new ones of whose goodness he must run all the risk. No doubt every man of sense would do so : but depend upon it nine persons out of ten would prefer a new one, unless the other was to be sold at a greatly depreciated price : and even then most persons would still take the new one, and con- sole themselves with the idea and common opinion, " If I get a new thing I know the wear of it." Do they ? If they do, they know more than any other person does : at least, it is so as far as regards horses. Now could any reasonable man expect the salesman to take this watch upon his own hands ? or if he did, must he not do so at a very low price indeed in com- parison with its original one ? The horse-dealer in taking back a horse is placed in the same predica- ment indeed in a worse, inasmuch as a watch is worn unseen by the public, and consequently has not been rendered common in its eyes ; but the horse has. If we are offered a second-hand watch, it is a thousand to one that we ever know its former possessor, or that any one will tell us that the watch belonged to Lord B ; but let his horse be offered for sale, and though My Lord had only driven him twelve months, the salesman of him, be he who he may, will be told, " Why that's Lord B.'s old cab-horse." Anything that has become blaze in London has also become value- less, or at least to a great degree it has become so. A young friend of mine, while on the Peninsula, R 2 244 TOYS FOR GROWN CHILDREN. bought a beautiful and very English-looking milk- white horse, and was fortunate enough shortly after- wards to meet with an exact match for him. Their manes and tails were really magnificent ; but he took it into his head to dye them a very pretty light chest- nut, with rather a pinkish hue. A lady of very high native rank there fell in love with these pink-tailed horses, and he sold them to her at an enormous sum. He certainly sold them as they were, nor did he say the tails were not dyed, but he took very good care not to say that they were ; in fact, the question was never asked : if it had, I am quite sure he would at once have said that they were. Some time after the hair began to grow, and of course the tails and manes began to put on a suspicious appearance ; but luckily, just in the nick of time, his regiment was ordered home. Of course, the manes and tails after a time came to their own much more becoming colour : they were, after all, a magnificent pair of horses, and the lady had no reason to complain of anything but the price. Supposing such a pair of horses, with really pinkish- chestnut manes and tails, fell into Anderson's hands ; his door in Piccadilly would be besieged by the elite of the beau monde ; and whether he chose to ask two or six hundred for the pair would matter little. Many, it is true, would not buy them at all, but those who were so inclined would give anything he chose to ask; and probably, before they had been driven a week, some one would tempt the owner by the offer of a couple of hundred more to induce him to sell them. Let these be driven till the end of the season they would have been seen by every one, their novelty would have worn off; and novelty was their SADDLED WITH A BARGAIN. 245 recommendation : the owner would probably have be- come tired of them, and would heartily wish their tails had also been dyed. When he purchased them, per- haps not more than one person in five thousand would have liked them ; but now he finds no one will have them at all. Second-hand things of any description sell badly enough ; but if I was to rack my brains for a month to hit upon anything second-hand the most difficult of all others to get rid of, I should certainly say a pair of milk-white horses with pinkish-chestnut manes and tails. Anderson would probably recollect them with many pleasurable feelings : I should ima- gine he would be the only one who would. In nearly the commencement of these Hints I stated my firm conviction that no gentleman could make money by horses as a tradesman. I further, in no measured terms, gave my opinion of those who use their position in society as a cloak to their being in fact horse-dealers. This can only last for a time ; that is, till they are found out. I have also given it as my impression that a respectable dealer is the best source from which a gentleman can supply himself with horses, and have at the same time allowed that purchasing in this way he will lose by his horses if he wishes to sell them. It might be remarked, from what I have said, that the only inference to be drawn is, that a gentleman must either be a rogue, or lose by all his horses. I do not quite mean this ; but I am afraid it comes very near the truth. It must, however, be recollected, that I allude to gentlemen who are not in the sporting term " horse men," who know little about them, merely have them as necessary appendages to their position in life, and as objects of utility and luxury to which they are accustomed. R 3 246 JUDGES, BUT NOT BIG WIGS. Such men must undoubtedly expect to lose by their horses. Why should they not ? They lose by their furniture, their clothes, their carriages, and indeed by everything ; yet they abuse the dealer if they lose by a horse. Having said that gentlemen in a general way must lose by horses, I will now endeavour to show that there are some gentlemen who not only do not lose, so far as price goes, but who really keep half a dozen or more horses at very little expense. Mind, I do not mean they make money by them : that is quite a dif- ferent thing ; but they get their show and amusement for a hundred or two a year, which costs others a thousand or much more. This can only be done by men, who, from practice and decided partiality to horses, have acquired a quick eye, good taste, and per- fect judgment in choosing their horses a perfect knowledge of the best stable-management of them afterwards and, finally, fine judgment, fine hands, a fine seat, and fine nerves in riding or driving them. This is only to be acquired by beginning early : riding must from infancy have been as natural to him as walking, or, with a few exceptions, he will never become a horseman. A tailor may begin at five-and- twenty to first get on a horse, and yet make a capital dragoon : he would never, however, be made (at least not one man in a thousand would) a hunting rider. Look at the difference between the manner and seat of a man who began from childhood, and the school- taught adult ; the first steps into his saddle without hesitation or preparation : the moment he is there, you see he is at home and in his element as much as a duck is the moment she touches the water. The other prepares himself for the exploit: then prepares to HORSE MANUFACTURERS. 247 mount ; mounts ; seats himself, prepares himself and horse to move ; and when he does move, you can see by his riding that it is an effort ; and it always strikes me that a dragoon looks (though we know it is not so) as if he was afraid of his horse : he looks artificial ; while the other and his horse look as if, like the Siamese twins, they had been born together. A man with these advantages can do a great deal with horses : he is not certainly a manufacturer of horses, but he is in a great measure a manufacturer of hunters, hacks, harness-horses, &c. He really buys the raw material, and makes it into what other people pay a high price for. He cannot perhaps afford to pay three hundred for a horse fourteen or fifteen years old, be- cause he is a perfect made hunter : he knows how to make a hunter, then why should he pay for one ready made ? To him the making a horse is as much an amusement as making a picture or a garden is to an- other: he really makes the horse valuable, and has a right to that value when he sells him. His good judgment makes him select a young horse that he sees ought to be first-rate as a hunter : he takes care to buy him at a price that will do no great harm sup- posing he finds he does not answer his expectation as a hunter : his size, figure, looks, and action, will pro- bably at all events command what he gave for him say a hundred ; so he is no great loser under any cir- cumstances ; for if he, from some constitutional cause, is not good enough for a hunter, he makes him into a first-rate harness-horse : the one that does make a hunter shows him a great deal of amusement for a season or two, and then he is asked to take three or four hundred for him. Men of this known judgment never have occasion to offer their horses for sale : it B 4 248 THE TWO TEAMS. is enough that he has carried Mr. a season or two, as it is quite well known he would not have ridden the same horse ten times if he was common- place. He has no objection to selling a horse to pay a hundred; it lessens his stable expenses: but he would not punish himself by riding a brute in order to make money. There is nothing in any shape dero- gatory to the character or conduct of a gentleman in what he does : he is a good judge, a good horseman, a good sportsman : all this tends to the results I have mentioned : he is, moreover, in all probability, a good fellow, or people would have nothing to do with him or his horses. Long may such men ride and prosper ! I wish we had more of them. There are other men who are especially driving men : these can do the same thing by their nags, and perhaps drive their four-in-hand at as little expense as others do their cabs. A friend of mine, whose income never exceeded 2000/. a year, always contrived to keep six, seven, or eight hunters during the season, and had his team during the summer ; added to which his bachelor menage was in perfect good taste. He had one summer got together four very good goers, and few men could hold them together better than he could. Coming along the road from Hammersmith, he overtook a friend, also driving his team, who piqued himself on having fast ones : they had a few minutes' chat, when, to the latter gentleman's perfect astonish- ment, my friend went away from him and the fast ones with perfect ease. They met an hour afterwards in the Park, and when they had come side by side, the same result took place. It ended in a deal, and they actually exchanged teams, harness and all, my friend drawing a hundred in the exchange. During BEAT WITH HIS OWN WEAPONS. 249 the next few days the rivals did not meet again. My friend was driving his new barter, getting them pro- perly bitted, and, in road language, pulling them together. The fact was, three of these horses were beyond comparison much faster than his former team ; but the fourth could neither step with nor go with the others. This horse he got rid of (and more of him anon), and put in one to the full as fast as the others: they were then one of the fastest teams in London, and he made them step together like soldiers, whereas before they only seemed to have been put to- gether to be in each other's way. My friend now again appeared in the Park, and shortly after was joined by his friend and the notorious team; the same go-by was now given him that he had given a short time before, and doubtless his friend thought the hundred he had given for the exchange was well laid out : but miracles never cease : and who can control his fate ? My friend permitted him to get a few carriage-lengths in advance ; then put on the steam, caught his friend, and passed at a good fifteen miles an hour. Had Tarn O'Shanter on the grey mare, Mazeppa on the wild horse, Byron's Giaour on his black steed, or Scott the jock mounted on the ghost of Pegasus, passed, he would have been surprised; but his surprise would have been tame in comparison with his perfect astonishment at the matchless style of going, and the pace of his former bays. But so it was ; he was beaten, and beaten hollow by his own horses. True, one had been changed; but this he did not know or perceive. The result ended in their again changing, and my friend again receiving a hundred for so doing. 250 "FOOLS AND THEIR MONEY," ETC. I said I would allude to the horse taken out of the team : he was a fair goer, but had not harness-action. My friend found this out in half an hour, and imme- diately drafted him : he rode him, put him into the hunters' stable, and he came out first-rate. Now, here was a young six-year-old horse being sacrificed, and spoiling his companions, from being put into his wrong place. So much for judgment, or rather the want of it ! Judgment in horses certainly is not possessed by one man in a hundred who keeps and uses them, and yet scarcely one man in that hundred will allow or believe he does not possess it. I doubt not many a young city gentleman, who daily drives his Stanhope from Finsbury Square to his little secret establishment in the New Road, fancies he could drive a Dutchman or any other horse in a match as well as Woodriffe, and that he could make him do it in the same time ; though half of these gentlemen want a hand for each rein, and a third for their whip, and then they would only be in the way of each other. Let the generality of persons see a horse or horses go well across a country or in harness, they are very properly struck with admiration of their powers ; but they seldom give half the credit they deserve to those who drive or ride them, whereas a much greater share of the merit of the performance belongs to them than people are apt to imagine ; yet it would be difficult to persuade them that the same horses would not do the same thing in their hands. I was fool enough once to buy a reed of a fellow in the street, who certainly imitated all sorts of birds most beautifully. I thought what a deep hand I was when I insisted on having the identical one he was using, and gave an additional A NOBLE FENCER. 251 sixpence for it. I certainly produced a noise some- thing between blowing down a key and a penny- trumpet, but I never progressed a bit nearer the mellifluous notes of the nightingale. A nobleman, whose name it is unnecessary to men- tion, many years since was so pleased by an exhibition of Punch and Judy that he actually bought the stand, Punch, Judy, dog, devil, and all, and sent them to his country seat : he forgot, however, to buy the man ! In something like his lordship's error would some men be whom I have seen ride after (certainly not with) hounds, if, when seeing Tom Smith in his palmy days sail away on his best nag, they had bought him. There can be no doubt that every man who hunts or rides for his amusement has a right to ride as he pleases, and the sort of horse that best suits him. A perfect Leicestershire hunter will please all perfect Leicestershire riders ; but many men have very pecu- liar notions of the merits of hunters. I knew a nobleman who hunted in Essex, whom no one ever saw or suspected of riding over a com- mon wattled hurdle or a ditch as wide as a potato trench; yet he gave long prices for his horses, and had certainly a lot of the best leapers I ever saw a qualification to him, odd as it may appear, quite indispensable. The fact was, his lordship was a particularly active man, and in his own person one of the best and most determined fencers in England: nothing was too big or too awkward for him : he would jump, creep, or bore through or over anything, and he and his horse went as straight as birds. The way they did so was this : no man rode harder than he did, and that over any sort of ground, for of this he had no fear ; consequently he was always 252 ASTONISHING THE NATIVES. the first, or among the first, up to every fence : when he came within five yards of it, he threw him- self off his horse, who took it, and was trained to stop short on the other side: through or over went his lordship after him; got in his saddle as quick as Ducrow could have done, and was off again without losing a second. The stiffest bulfinch would neither stop him nor his horse ; through it they went : and as to water, he would take to it or jump it like a red deer, I have been accused by some of my friends of having advocated the cause of horse-dealers too fa- vourably; while others of these friends, though on most subjects men of liberal sentiments, have anathe- matised me to my face because I have not, could not, nor will not unite with them in opinion that all horse- dealers are alike, and, being so, are en masse a mass of rascality and extortion. The simile of a man being in the humour of a bear with a sore head, if not a very refined or poetic, is at all events a very common one ; but though many thus make use of Bruin to help them out with an idea, few perhaps have had the chance of seeing the gentleman situated as they describe. Now I have, and a monkey too ; and can assure my readers that where the hurt is not of so serious a nature as to call forth compassion, the manner of treating it, and the pitiable look put on by these gentry, is the most ridiculous thing in nature. I make no doubt but a man who has ever been embraced by a bear cannot conceive that he can handle anything with gentleness; but let them see him sitting down and rubbing his hurt head, they will find he does it with considerably more gentleness than many a hired nurse, or many THEY MUST BEAR IT. 253 of those young gentlemen who get hospital patients under their hands, when in a hurry to get away to put on a proper tie and add the proper quantum of Eowland's Macassar for a Regent-Street strut. Some of my friends, from their transactions with some dealers, are very much in the situation of Bruin : they have been hit hard, and the place is still tender : they are still rubbing their heads, and are driven half mad, when I only laugh at their bruises. Give Bruin the stick that hurt him, you would see what a mauling he would give it ; and thus some of my good friends, having been hit by horse-dealers, want me to give them a mauling also. This (as far as my abilities would permit) I would be as willing as any man alive to do when and where I thought they deserved it; but it is not enough for me that my friend's head is tender, when perhaps the hit arose from his own folly. In this case, I can only recommend him to do as Bruin does, tenderly and patiently to rub on till he cures it; but I would advise him to do what the other will do without advice, namely, not voluntarily to put himself in the way of getting hit again. I am compelled to say this has not been the conduct of some of my friends ; and the consequence has been, they got a fresh shinner on the old grievance. When this is the case, they have doubly deserved it, and must rub and growl on: it will perhaps keep them out of further mischief. I can bring forward a very beautiful illustration of the folly of a want of caution in the first place, and the still greater folly of expecting to come off scathless in returning to the origin of our first injury. When I was a boy, and about as mischievous as 254 SOTFING WILD OATS. most young gentlemen are, we had among other quadrupeds an immense and most voracious sow. This said sow I used frequently to mount, and on these occasions she would sometimes turn sulky, stand still, and attempt to catch hold of my toes ; but when she did go, she went like a devil, and tried to get rid of me, which sooner or later she invariably did ; for Allen M'Donough could not have kept on, so no impeachment on my sowmanship. This was capital fun ; perhaps it taught me not afterwards to mind a fall from a horse : but one unfortunate day, perhaps the pace had been too good, sowey shut up, turned round and round till she got me off, and was making a charge at me : however I escaped her ; and finding her dislike to steeple-chasing was likely to end in some- thing to my serious disadvantage, I never mounted her again. I was beat; had sense enough to know it, and to keep out of harm's way. Thus far I took a hint, as I advise my friends to do ; but I will now show where piggy did not, and suffered from it. I have said that Madame Sow was voracious, and so she was ; for no sooner was her meal in the trough than in went her long snout, routing to the bottom and from end to end; and instead of leaving the tidbits with maternal affection to her numerous and interesting family, up she gobbled all, and in truth in one instance gobbled up family and all. Now as my mamma never did anything of this kind, my feelings of respect and duty satisfied me that Ma- dame Sow's general conduct must be very hoggish indeed, and I resolved to punish her. I had not forgotten, at the same time, her obstinacy as to steeple- chasing. The next time she was fed, I, in conjunc- RATHER TOO WARM. 255 tion with the boy who fed her, made her mess so hot as to be one of the most uncomfortable berths in the world for a nose. Shutting up the misses and masters piggies, we let the old gentlewoman out : at it she came, and in went her nose to the very bottom ; but out it came quick as a cork from a champagne bottle, accompanied, in force, loudness, and harmony, by a note equalled but not excelled by the pleasing intimation we hear from the steam-pipe of the ap- proach of a locomotive. Round and round the yard she went (how I longed to be on her) till the air had cooled her proboscis. Forgetful of former hurts, in delight at the smoking savoury viands, in went the snout again with the same results. A third time set- tled the business : she wisely gave it up for a time, but eventually got her supper with the loss of the skin off her nose. This was coming off better than some people, who lose the skin, and do not get what they want at last. Let me then advise my friends in search of horses never to poke their nose, whether bottle, Grecian, snub, or Roman, into suspicious places, or trust it with suspicious men ; and above ah 1 , if they have got one scald, never to risk another in the same quarter, notwithstanding Mr. Holloway's assurance that one pot of his ointment effects a cer- tain cure in all cases. By these very homely similes, anecdotes, and equally homely advice, I have hinted, that, although I do not condemn dealers in horses to lasting infamy as a body, I do consider it just possible that a man may get into bad hands ; and I intend further to show, that he may get into the hands of as great a set of scoundrels, com- posing a part (and a pretty considerable part) of that 256 INDIA-RUBBER CONSCIENCES. body as ever disgraced humanity : but when he does so, it is in nineteen cases out of twenty his own fault, arising either from the vain hope of getting a bargain, or from conceit in fancying himself a proficient in matters that (he finds to his cost) he really knows little or nothing about. If any one concludes, from what I have at any time written on the subject, that I either consider or have intended to represent horse-dealers as men in whom we may place perfect confidence, the fault has been in my mode of expressing myself, not in my intention. I consider them in no such light. Confidence to a certain degree may be reposed in certain dealers in horses ; so it may in certain dealers in wine, and in certain (and that certain comprises a very, very few) dealers in pictures : but if a man who is not a judge will go to either and make his own purchases, he will to a certainty be more or less taken in ; that is, he will not get the best value for his money given him. If first-rate men in their way, they will not venture to give you an absolutely unsound or decidedly vicious horse in face of their warranty to the contrary ; decidedly pricked wine for sound ; or a known copy for a genuine Claude, Titian, or Domenichino ; but you will be all but certain to get as inferior an ar- ticle of these several commodities as their risk of character will permit them to put into your hands at the price given. They are tradesmen: their object is to make money; and while they do not do anything absolutely dishonest, their consciences and ideas are like those of many attorneys, who con- sider nothing dishonourable that is not contrary to law. I have said that I believed a respectable horse- A MODEL HORSE-DEALER. 257 dealer was in the end perhaps, all things considered, the best mode by which a man of fortune could supply himself with horses, and the cheapest I should rather have said the least dear. This I only mean when put in competition with (in the generality of cases) breed- ing, or personally attending fairs, and supposing him not to be a judge of horses; but I apprise him that what he calls u taken in" he will be, go where he will ; that is, he will on an average lose by every horse he buys. I remember I have mentioned the Elmores and Andersons as dealers. I beg, however, it may be un- derstood that I merely did so as men whose names are well known, and as among the leading men in their trade ; by no means meaning to infer that there are not many entitled to quite as much confidence, and who are in every sense of the word quite as respectable men : in fact, neither with Messrs. Elmore nor Ander- son have I ever had one single transaction in my life, either in buying or selling. With the late Mr. George Elmore I have, and can only say, that the man who possesses the straight-forward honourable way of doing business, the courteous and I may say gentleman- like manners and address of him, is a rara avis of a horse-dealer. I have no doubt his conduct is here- ditary ; but, if not, I could not give kinder advice than recommending others to imitate their predecessor. To show the estimation in which I hold the words or assurances of dealers in any thing (consequently of horse-dealers), I never suffer myself to be guided by one word they say. I do not tell them to hold their tongues ; first, because it would be rude and offensive to do so ; and, secondly, because they have a right to talk ; but with me they talk to the winds. All traders will say what they think most likely to recommend VOL. i. s 258 "WHY MULTIPLY WORDS, IF A COUPLE WILL DO?" their goods, truth or not truth : my questions to a dealer about his horse are very few, and for this reason : if answering truly would deteriorate the horse in my estimation, I should possibly not be told the truth ; consequently I am probably only asking for a falsehood ; and if the truth would be a recommenda- tion, and I should therefore be told it, I should then be quite uncertain whether to believe it or not. If a man is not a judge of a horse, he has no business going personally to dealers in horses : if he is not a judge of a picture, he has no business to go to a pic- ture-dealer : he may purchase of both; but, in the name of common sense, let him send or take some one to buy for him who is a judge of what is wanted : and he must keep his eyes open ; he will want both of them in buying from the most honest trader. If I want a horse for myself or friends, and go to a dealer's yard, I first state what sort of a horse I want, and like, and for what purpose I want him. This looks like business looks as if I knew what I do want (Mem. many people do not), and shows I do not wish to take or give unnecessary trouble. It certainly by no means insures my being shown what will suit me ; but it insures my being shown what conies the nearest to it of such as the dealer has. If I do not like his appearance or action, three minutes settle that : I civilly thank him for the sight of his horse, and give no further trouble. If I do like him, I merely ask, " Do you WARRANT him sound and free from vice ? " If he does, I ask his price : if a reason- able one, I try him : if more is asked than I choose to give, I never ride or drive a horse till I get him to or very nearly to the price I make up my mind to give. I never try a horse till I have determined to buy him. I HEAR YOU, SIR. 259 Never suffer myself to be talked into putting up with what I see and know to be an objection, nor ever make one without good reason. No respectable dealer is ever angry at your objecting to what he knows to be ob jectionable : on the contrary, he respects your judg- ment, however much he may regret his not having found a flat. If the dealer says he cannot warrant the horse because he has a corn, or a thrush, or some such trivial matter, let no man who is not conversant with such matters touch him : he would probably get a decided screw. Personally, I should not reject such a horse if I liked him in other respects, as I well know, and every horseman knows, hundreds of horses could not be passed as sound by a veterinary surgeon that are just as good or nearly so to any one (but a respectable dealer) as if they were. Under these cir- cumstances I take the ipse dixit of no man. I might be told he " had a slight jack," was " a little rough in both hocks," but " it was natural;" had a "splint," but " it was only on the bone, and did not touch the sinew;" or many other things of this sort. I listen to all this : but I do not allow my attention to be fixed on a grievance that is perhaps in point of fact no grievance at all. The " slight jack," or the " little roughness on both hocks," would certainly induce me to see that there was not one or a couple of whacking spavins : if I found there was, of course that would end the business ; but if I found that in this parti- cular there was not much the matter, or possibly nothing at all the matter, all the dealer could say to persuade me that this was the grievance would have no more effect on me than, if I saw there was a fail- ing, all he could say would have to persuade me there s 2 260 A DIG. was not. I might perhaps rather surprise a dealer who had pointed out to me a splint as a cause of un- soundness in a horse by not minutely examining the diseased part, but by immediately very minutely ex- amining his eyes, watching his flanks, or catching hold of his head, and with my stick in terror em or reality, ascertaining whether, instead of his being in one respect an imperfect horse, he is not in another a very perfect lull a term not known to every one ; for, though they probably know the old adage, that though a mare is a horse, a horse is not a mare, they have yet to learn that, though a bull is not a horse, a horse is very frequently a bull. I do not mean to say any respectable dealer would be guilty of such tricks ; his character would be too much at stake : but if, for instance, a man not a judge went to a dealer in horses, or any thing else, and it was known he was going abroad, or where his good or bad word could have no effect, if in making a pur- chase he did not get, in horse-dealers' phrase, A DIG, I am a bad prophet. Nothing can be more absurd, nor is there any thing more annoying to a dealer, than for a man who is not a judge of horses himself to take a man with him to look at a horse or horses who fancies himself one without being so. Such a man does not know enough to see the merits of a horse, but is sure (as he thinks to show his judgment) to find fault. With such a companion, a man may look at a hundred horses with- out buying one: this soi-disant judge thinks, by find- ing fault, he shows how wide-awake he is : the result in nine cases out of ten is, he rejects horses that would suit his friend's purpose, and buys some wretch at last. BUYING AND SELLING ARE TWO THINGS. 261 Now, on the contrary, if the purchaser is a man that a dealer knows it is his interest to use well, he in no shape objects to his bringing a sensible, liberal, and thorough good judge with him : he will know that the merits of his horses will be properly appreciated, their imperfections estimated by a proper scale ; and if they are adapted to the purpose they are wanted for, they will be recommended to be purchased. It must, however, be understood, that in taking such a judge with you, what, and all as a purchaser you have a right to expect, is this : you will most probably get a sound horse, and one that is likely to answer your purpose. Price is another thing ; and should you not find this horse what you want, you must not expect your friend to be able to get you a hundred for him, though he recommended you to give that sum: he only did so from knowing the horse was as well worth a hundred as any one you could get from a dealer's stable. But, as I have before said, if you buy of a dealer, and then want to sell, lose you must, and lose you will, go to what dealer you may, unless you are yourself a dealer ; not because the dealer is unprin- cipled as a man, but because he is a dealer and you are not. 1 may be asked if it is impossible for a man to buy of a dealer without losing money by his purchase ? Certainly not. If a man has judgment enough, as I have before expressed it, to buy the raw materiel of a dealer, and then by his fine riding or driving and stable management to manufacture this raw materiel into a superior article, then he will not lose, and may probably make money ; but if a man merely buys an article or a horse, and wants to sell that article or horse again, if no better than when he bought the s 3 262 A SMART DEALER. article or horse, lose he must, even supposing he was not imposed upon in his purchase. Men who are really workmen as riders or drivers buy of dealers, because they know that by giving (we will say) their WQL for a horse, they can make him worth twice that sum. Such men, if wanting a hunter, need not go to Tom Smart to buy one ; and for this reason : he buys made-hunters, gives an unlimited price for them: these men can make their own hunters, so are bad customers to Tom : but a man who is not a bond fide workman cannot do better than go to him ; he will give him a horse made to his hands : the only conse- quence will be, he has given 150., and will charge them on an average perhaps 50. for his judgment in buying ; and this 50/. a man has a right to pay if he wishes to be well carried, and has not judgment of his own. Pay Tom a good price, I will answer for it he gives you a good hunter, though he is a dealer, and was not always what he is now: no man knows a hunter better than Smart ; and no man (mind me, as a dealer) will deal more liberally with you if he finds you are disposed to deal liberally with him. I never bought a horse of him in my life, nor ever shall : I cannot afford it. I have sold horses to him, and a good buyer he is. So much for Tom Smart, the prince of dealers in hunters. I might be asked by any one willing to pay a good price, whether, if he went to a dealer and said he wanted a very fine pair of carriage horses, and was willing to give a price equal to their merits, he should not get such ? I have no hesitation in saying, that if he went to a respectable man he would get a pair of fine sound horses. I might then be asked, if he went and said he wanted as fine a pair of horses as any NE CREDE. 263 man in London had, and would give as good a price for them, whether he would get them ? I would at once answer him (if he was not a judge), certainly not. The reply might naturally be, that his money was worth as much as any other man's : certainly it would be, but his judgment would not ; consequently, though the dealer would show him and sell him a fine pair of horses, he would not give him as fine a pair of horses as any man in London had (supposing the dealer to possess such) : and why ? because the dealer would know he had shown him a pair quite good enough to answer the purpose he wanted them for: a pair of more merit would not be properly appreci- ated by such a customer, and in fact would be thrown away upon him: but above all, as a tradesman, the dealer would never give a superior article where an inferior one is to be got rid of. I think I hear a tradesman, or dealer, or merchant, whichever they please to call themselves, in other ar- ticles, say, " This may be all very well in a horse- dealer, but we should not consider it honourable in our business." I hear you, Gentlemen. I have not said it is honourable in the horse-dealer. You say, you should not do so in your business : though not a very polite man, I am too polite to contradict you : but, be your business what it may, if I want any article in which you do deal, and am not a judge of it myself, you will, in accordance with the liberal sentiments you profess, excuse me if I bring some one with me who is, before I buy of you, though I know that " Brutus is an honourable man." I may now be asked, how the dealer should know that his customer is not a judge of horses ? To this I make answer, that most men who are, and are men s 4 264 BIRDS OF A FEATHER. who will give long prices, are perfectly well known to all first-rate dealers: consequently, if a stranger enters the yard, they know he is not one of them at all events. But it may be said he may still be a good judge : if he is, the dealer will, in nine cases out of ten, detect him at once. There is a kind of free- masonry among horsemen, as among gentlemen, that enables both to find a kindred spirit in a very short time. Let fifty passengers embark in one of our steamers for only a twenty-four hours' voyage, before one quarter of that time has elapsed it will be found that those who are gentlemen have found each other out, and naturally congregate and enter into conver- sation with each other. Having done this, if there are three or four sporting men on board, my life on it they also single out themselves. Whatever may be a man's favourite pursuit, some observation is sure shortly to detect it. Thus, let two men enter a dealer's yard, the one a horseman, the other not, two or three observations made by each, perhaps the very first made, will show which is which. From this the dealer takes his cue, and acts accordingly. Nor indeed is any verbal observation necessary. Let the two only walk round the stables : the man who is a judge will stop opposite and look at only such horses as are of a good sort for some purpose ; the other will either in- discriminately look at all, good or bad, or very pro- bably be taken by the appearance of such nags as the other never gave a second look at. Now, though, while this is going on, people may not keep an eye on the dealer, he is keeping his on them, and a watchful one too. This is part of his business. If he is a man au fait de son metier, it will be observed, that, how- ever much a dealer may subsequently talk, he seldom FINDING OUT A CUSTOMER. 265 says much on a stranger first going into his stable. He probably touches his hat, civilly opens his doors (if shut), and follows him, watching, as I have said, every cast of the eye and act of his customer: in short, he feels his man before he ventures to make an observation himself: for if, for instance, he was to point out some flashy nondescript spider-legged wretch to a judge, he would turn round and give him a look, as much as to say, " You are either a rogue or take me for a fool ; " neither of which conclusions it is the dealer's interest his customer should draw. On the other hand, if he were to particularise a really good sort of horse, without such an imposing appear- ance in the stable as his showy neighbour, the non- judge would draw the same conclusion as the other. So, in either case, the dealer would get into a scrape ; and for this reason he wisely holds his tongue till he finds in what way he should employ it to advantage. If from the taciturnity or equivocal conduct of his customers the dealer should still have any doubts on his mind about them, let the two go into a horse's stall to look at him: the thing is settled; the mere manner of doing this decides it. The one, after looking scientifically at his horse, speaks to him, and then walks decisively at once up to his head, and keeps that wary look at his heels and eye as he approaches him which experience has taught him is a necessary precaution. The very " wo-ho, horse," or " wo-ho, my man," as he goes up to him, shows the dealer his customer knows what he is about. He now knows what to do, and what kind of language to hold. But let the other attempt the same thing, he could no more do it in the same way than he could fly : he would (at least such men generally, I may say inva- 266 PREPARING FOR A SHAVE. riably, do) make his selection out of three ways of proceeding : he would be afraid to enter the stall at all, but stand squinting round the post, forgetting a horse was in the next very likely to resent his pro- pinquity to him ; or if he did venture into the stall, he would do so in that hesitating manner that would show the horse he was afraid of him, and induce him to take some very rough liberties if so inclined ; or he would (from not knowing his danger) go so suddenly into the stall as to take the horse by surprise, who would in return probably very much surprise the gentleman by his heels or mouth, for his looking to see if the rack- chain was loose or on the head collar would be out of the question. In either of these last cases, I will answer for it he places himself just in that situation in the stall that, should a horse strike or bite, he is sure to nail my gentleman against the standing, or eject him by a very summary process: serves him right : he was as much out of his place in a dealer's stable as the dealer would be in the Mar- chioness of Londonderry's drawing-room. But sup- posing so funeste a catastrophe not to have occurred, the dealer is by this time satisfied beyond doubt how to treat this customer, who, of course, considers him- self quite equal to purchase for himself, or he would not have gone there. He therefore begins something in this strain: "I see, Sir, you are no bad judge; you have not picked out a very bad 'un. I saw you looked at all the best horses I have." Nothing but oil runs so smoothly down the back as a little well- timed flattery. " I say, Jem," says one of the helpers to another, " master's giving him the soap pretty well, I thank ye." The soap, however, as Tom elegantly LATHERING. 267 styles it, takes effect, and now, caveat emptor, or you will get pretty well lathered. The horse is now ordered out, and we will suppose the other is also out by order of the judge. The proceedings of the two will have been different even while the bridles are putting on. The Muff will probably (in as he thinks a knowing way) say, "Come, none of your ginger." "Oh no, Sir," says the man, "master never allows it." Muff turns round, hums a bar or two of "Ah che forse in tai momenti," or a scena in La Sonnambula : while so doing, in goes the ginger, and out goes the horse. " No want of ginger there, Sir." Now the other has given no such directions; but, if he objects to it, has never taken his eye off the horse : so either allows its being done, or prevents it, as he wishes. They now severally take a general and cursory view of the horses ; but from very different reasons. Muff looks gener- ally, because he does not know how or where to look critically : he perhaps lifts up a foot, because he thinks he ought to do so, by which he gains about as much information as if he looked into a coal-scuttle. If he desires the horse's mouth to be opened, he learns by this that there is a tongue there, but nothing more. But, let me tell him, he has really, without intending, learned something by this ; for, though such an idea never entered his head, he might have found the horse had lost part of that. He now, having seen as much as he would see if he looked for a twelvemonth, most probably orders the nagsman to mount him, who of course rides him in the way most likely to please, either by letting him go quite quietly, or making him curvet all down the ride or yard. He then desires to ride him himself; orders the stirrups 268 SHAVING. to be lengthened, measures their length by his arm, twists his fingers en Dragoon in the mane; motion one, two, three, and he is mounted. He rides, look- ing at every visible part of himself, for in his opinion a very good reason to see how he looks and he then looks at every visible part of his horse. With the investigation of himself, I will answer for it he is perfectly satisfied, and with that of the horse, not knowing enough to be the reverse : if he has been carried easily, he is probably satisfied also. He returns : now Tom's master's soap goes to work again : " That horse will make you a beautiful charger, Sir: there won't be many such in your regiment." " I am not in the army." "Oh! I beg your pardon, Sir, I thought from your riding you was." (Mem. "a civil man this dealer.") Muff now dismounts; the nag goes into the stable, the Gentleman into the counting-house, gives his cheque, and is lucky if he does not shortly find out that his purse has got one in return to a tolerable stiff amount. The Gentleman now walks off; but the nagsman has been watching him or the office is given that he is going. He is allowed to get to the gate, that the dealer may be supposed not to know what is going on, though it was very likely himself who gave the man the signal. Up comes nagsman, touches his hat "Beg your pardon, Sir ! the nagsman, Sir, if you please ! " " Oh, certainly ! " Out comes the purse. Tom sees half-a-crown coming out of that. " You've got a nice horse, Sir!" "Well, I think he is." Out follows another shilling. " I pin ted out that horse to you, Sir, when you came into the stable : I knew he would suit you: (another shilling:) I'm glad you've got him, Sir " (no lie this) " for though he's A CUSTOMER WHO WON'T BE SHAVED. 269 as quiet as a lamb, he is a high-couraged horse, and 'tisn't every man can ride him as you can." (Shilling the third.) Tom sees the purse closing, so, finding soap will do no more, he touches his hat again; in goes the money into his pocket ; in goes his tongue into one cheek ; and then in goes Tom with two or three companions to the public-house, takes something short, and then goes to see what is to be done with the other customer, about whom he makes inquiry something in this way : " I say, Jem, which way did that covey go with t'other horse ? Oh, here he comes ; he's a wide-awake chap that : I'll pound him ; soap won't do with he." We left this covey, as Tom in his aristocratic language termed him, taking a cursory look at the horse. I may be asked why he takes only a cursory look at him ? For a very different reason from that which induced Muff to do the same thing : he only in this stage of the business does this to see how he likes his general appearance, for it would be useless to take the trouble to minutely examine a horse (a thing not to be done in a minute), and then find, on seeing him move, that he had no more action than a three- legged stool. After therefore having ascertained from his general appearance whether he quite likes it or not, he sees him run: if he likes it, he does so to ascertain whether his action corresponds with his looks : if it does not, he saves all trouble by ordering him in. This order Tom knows it is useless to hesi- tate in obeying, for, as he says, soap persuasion is of no use here. If this purchaser should not like much the looks of the nag, he orders him to be moved, that he may ascertain whether his action is such as to make amends for his want of appearance. For this, he 270 SECUNDUM ABTEM. does not, as Muff did, direct Tom to mount him : he merely says (for such men in these cases deal pretty much in monosyllabic terms), " go on, walk." If this pleases him, or nearly so, he then merely says, " run on." When he has seen enough of his trot, on the horse returning he holds up his hand: " wo-ho." The nag is now placed against the wall : " give him the length of his bridle, and let him stand." The dealer and his men well know what this means, and by this time thoroughly know the sort of customer they have to deal with. They see he is, as Tom says, wide-awake : they know he will have his own way, and see the horse in his own way, or not look at him at all. It is true, that if this horse has been but two days in the dealer's stable, he has been taught his lesson too well not to be kept on the qui vive, if wished, by private signals (not very easy to detect), in spite of the man at his head pretending to coax him to stand still. But, in Tom's phrase, he knows very well that " Wide-awake won't have it ;" so still he does stand. And now he examines him in earnest : he looks at him, sideways, before and behind, looks minutely at those parts of his shape and make that indicate the possession or want of powers for the pur- pose for which he intends him ; carefully looks and ascertains whether he stands well and firmly on his legs, and whether they are placed as legs should be : he then examines him as to soundness, not merely to ascertain whether he is sound at the present moment (for the dealer having warranted to such a man, the probability is that he is sound), but he looks carefully to see whether there is anything that indi- cates a disposition to unsoundness, as in that case he might be very sound to-day and very unsound in a NOT TO BE HAD. 271 week's time, without the right to return him. When he takes up his foot, he looks at those parts that are generally the present or future seat of disease: he looks at his mouth, and learns all Muff did by so doing, and a little more : he does not merely look to see if the appearance of the mouth corresponds with the age told him, for he pretty well guesses that the mouth will naturally (or by artificial means be made to) indicate the specified age ; but it is to be certain that artificial means have not been resorted to that he looks, and this nothing short of a very competent judge can detect. Should the horse show much unwillingness to allow his mouth to be opened, our friend Wide-awake would examine it with double scrutiny ; and if he found no tricks had been played as to age, he would very naturally infer that balling had for some reasons been pretty frequently in use. Having done this, looking at the eyes and coughing him has of course not been omitted. It is not my province to give, if I was capable of it, a treatise on eyes, though I do not think I should quite buy a blind one; and as to coughing, I must make one observation : some horses who have often undergone this process become so irritable in the throat that they cough the moment it is touched; others, from the same cause, namely practice, can hardly be made to cough at all ; while the thoroughly-sound unprac- tised horse, on being tried, gives a fine sound vigorous cough, and there ends it : for though a broken-winded one may be so dosed and set as to be made to breathe like a sound one for many hours, I defy all the lowest thieves of dealers in the world to make him cough like a sound one. All these preliminaries having been gone through, our friend (as I may very 272 BIS DAT QUI CITO DAT. appropriately term him) makes liis dernier exami- nation by lifting up his horse's tail. Now had Muff done this, he would have learned about as much as he did by looking in his horse's mouth ; namely, he would have seen there was something there: but Wide-awake judges by the appearance of what he sees there a something that gives him a shrewd guess as to the hardihood of his horse's constitu- tion. I am not, however, presuming to write in- structions on buying- a horse : I am only showing the different modes of trial or purchasing between two buyers. The horse is now ordered to be saddled. Wide- awake hums no seen a from La Sonnambula or any thing else : here he attends to his business on hand, follows his horse into the stable, sees him saddled, sees he shows no reluctance or vice, and on being brought out, and just seeing the stirrups are some- where about his length, mounts his horse at once, gives him his head, and lets him walk away; tries his trot and canter; now comes back, having while out privately again looked at his horse when left quietly to himself. On returning to the yard, all Tom ventures to say will be, "I hope you like him, Sir! you found him a good goer, Sir!" The pro- bable answer will be, "Yes, I do not dislike his riding, and he is a very fair goer." This buyer we will suppose also gives his cheque, but, without waiting to be waylaid by Tom, goes into the stable, and gives his half-crown. Tom, however, from habit cannot help the " You've got a good horse, Sir," in addition to touching his hat. Tom says no more, being perfectly aware that all he could say would not get a shilling more than he had a right to expect, THE FORCE OF HABIT. 273 and what was customary he would get without wast- ing his breath. I have merely by the above supposed case endea- voured to give some idea of the very different proba- bilities there are of two persons the one a judge and the other not so getting what they want at the hands of a dealer I must add, in anything and to show how soon the novice and the judge are detected. That the novice will be detected at once is quite clear ; but I will further add, if a man accus- tomed to look at horses was to wish to pass for one who was not, I do not believe he could do it ; a some- thing, an habitual mannerism would detect him : in short, neither party could do anything like the other. Such men as the Marquis of Abercorn and Lord Lonsdale would both probably show the same refined manners at their own tables, and be equally at home at a Levee ; but the former could no more look at a pack of fox-hounds or a stable of hunters in the same way as the latter would, than the latter' s coach-maker could act the part of his noble customer either as host or guest. You could no more tell a man how to act the part of a horseman than you could tell him how to act that of a Gentleman : you may tell him not to commit such atrocities as to eat with his knife, wipe his hands on the table-cloth in lieu of his napkin, eat his soup with his spoon lengthways instead of sideways, or to literally wash his mouth in his finger glass ; but he will not even sit down on his chair like a Gentleman if he is not one ; nor will a novice even walk through a stable like a man used to do so. Habit must give the air of both. If a vulgar man will thrust himself among Gentlemen, he is sure VOL. I. T 274 LOOKING TO RESULTS. to be detected and shunned; and if a man, unac- customed to the thing, will go and purchase for him- self, he is likewise certain to be detected, and imposed upon. If I have convinced those of this who were not before aware of it, I shall have the satisfaction of knowing I have done some good. I have only as yet supposed men going to reputable dealers : how people may get off in going to those who are not so shall be a further consideration ; and if my Header will so far honour me, we will perhaps walk together and take a peep into a commission- stable and a public repository not intending to say anything in general disparagement of either of the last-mentioned places when conducted by men of probity ; but it may do no harm to know and to keep in our recollection what we are exposed to, supposing (of course only^w^ barely supposing) the owner not to be quite immaculate. I left the two Gentlemen (each of whom I have been rude enough to distinguish as Muff and Wide-awake) having purchased their horses we will now drop the sobriquet, and in more decent terms designate the non-judge as Mr. A., and the judge as Mr. B., and will suppose each to have had his purchase six weeks, by which time a tolerably fair estimate may be sup- posed to have been formed of their respective worth after being used in a moderate way. We shall thus see how each of these Gentlemen stands so far as re- gards their prospects in a pecuniary point of view whether they may wish to dispose of their horses again, or keep them. I do not mean to say the con- clusion we shall come to will invariably be the case ; but I will answer for it that to two men (of similar habits to each of these) in nine cases out of ten the MAKING OR MARRING A SERVANT. 275 result will be very near the one I shall in this bring it to. We will not here enter on the subject of grooms, on whose qualifications as stablemen of course much of the well-doing of a horse depends, but will suppose each Gentleman to have a good servant. It would be useless to suppose each to have a bad one ; for, though it might be quite possible for Mr. A. not to have a good groom, we may depend upon it Mr. B. would not have a bad one ; so we will conclude them to be both good ; but we may be pretty certain they will not be equally good, for two reasons : first, Mr. A. is of course no better judge of a good stableman than he is of a good horse, while Mr. B. is an equally compe- tent one of the qualities of either. And further, Mr. A. probably leaves every thing to his groom, or, if he does interfere, his directions as to stable management will probably keep pace with his judgment in buying : so, supposing his servant to know his business, his horses derive no more benefit from it than if he did not. Thus, under any circumstances, they will not be as well managed as Mr. B.'s, who leaves nothing of importance to his groom, or at least not without a watchful eye that it is properly done : so that, had he taken a man from the plough-tail, he must under his eye become a good servant ; that is, he will learn to handle his wisp, brush, and duster properly and like a stableman, and not to spare his labour, otherwise B. would very soon spare him. When he knows this, and knows how to feed, water, and exercise horses as may be directed, he knows quite as much as I ever wish a groom to know. There is another thing, how- ever, he must learn, and this Mr. B. would soon teach him ; namely (like a soldier), to obey orders without T 2 276 A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE IS A DANGEROUS THING. presuming to ask why or wherefore they are given. The moment he is allowed to give his opinion, he is spoiled : defend me from a knowing*groom ! If I was engaging a man, and he told me he could attend horses without a veterinary surgeon if they wanted one, I should reject him at once. God help the horses ! they never would be without a ball, drench, or powder in their stomachs. This sort of knowledge may be very well (in a very limited way) for a stud groom who has 20 or 30 hunters under his care ; but then I should take care that Barbadoes aloes, soap, a few carmina- tives, some nitre, a little soap liniment, goulard, and a little dressing or hot stopping for the feet, consti- tuted his pharmacopoeia. If he began talking of calomel, arsenic, alteratives, absorbents, digestives, sudorifics, &c., the moment he had done, I should have done with him. Let him see that his men under him strap : if a horse is amiss, let him report at head- quarters that he is so : I will answer for it my monthly report of the state of my stable is better than that of those who trust to one of these vete- rinary grooms. Both horses have now been had the six weeks, so we will have a look at them, beginning with A.'s nag. Being fat when bought, he concluded he wanted nothing but work to get him into condition. Certainly not ; nothing but work to get him into bad condition : it has got his flesh off, and he is lighter, it is true ; so would a pound of butter be if we exposed it to the kitchen fire : I have no doubt many dealers' horses might be melted down by the same process. I have never tried this, not being an experimentalist, and having an old-fashioned plan of my own for doing it by other means. But others MELTING DOWN. 277 may try it, and should it succeed, I shall have done as much in my way by the suggestion to save time as Brunei or Stephenson by steam. For here we buy a horse long in his coat perhaps, certainly fat as a bul- lock : but the time of getting into condition will only be according to the meltmian not Meltonian plan, as follows : viz., to melting twelve hours, clipping ditto ; so in twenty-four hours we have a horse in hunting condition. What a bungler I must be ! I never got a fat horse from a dealer's stable into condition under half as many weeks. I do not mean to say Mr. A. has been quite so quick in his operations ; but I will answer for him he has brought his horse to a most comfortable state of inward debility, and, in point of outward appearance, no bad representative of a Malay- cock stripped of his feather. Des belles plumes font des beaux oiseaux : so we are told, and a great many plumes give the appearance of a plump oiseau : so a great deal of fat on a horse often stands good in some people's eyes for very little muscle. Take away that fat, we then find we have got the long Malay-looking gawk of a beast I have similarised : but, worse than this, getting fat off by work when the frame is not hard enough to bear it reduces muscle also. So, deficient as the horse ever was we will suppose in that particular, he has been made ten times worse than he would have been by injudicious treatment. There he stands, wasted; what little flesh he has on him soft as hasty-pudding; spiritless from constitutional weakness, and with, in stable language, his belly up to his back-bone : for though a horse blown out with mashes and warm water, and his ribs well covered with fat, may look in good proportion, it may be found, when stripped of this fat, that his ribs run T 3 278 DIANA OF OUR DAYS. backwards something like the strings of a harp, and may probably be about as long as those that make the high notes on that instrument a diminution that Bochsa will probably approve for a harp, but which I do not consider quite so desirable in a horse. Let us now see what B. has been at with his pur- chase. I will be bound to say A. did more with his in the way of wasting in a fortnight than B. did in a month, though he had probably given him three q. s. doses of physic in the time. Here he comes, light- ened too of all unnecessary avoirdupois, but cutting rather a different figure, in high spirits from vigour of constitution his eye like those of the gazelle I had almost said of the fair Theobald herself; his muscles, now relieved from any superfluous appen- dage, beautifully developed ; showing a form that in the horse indicates what that of Mr. Jackson, so well known in the pugilistic world, did in his palmy days in a man strength, courage, and activity. Yes, as a boy, I well remember Jackson the beau ideal of a fine man, though not then a young one of course never a fine gentleman, but a fine fellow, and no small share of the gentleman in him either. Mais revenons a nos moutons. Here is one horse, in trade language, certainly fifty per cent, of less value than when bought ; the other, to say the least, thirty per cent, better ; and why ? A fine eye with fine judgment saw what the one horse would become ; whereas the want of both prevented the other pur- chaser seeing what the other horse would degenerate into : added to which is to be the treatment after- wards. The different position of these two Gentlemen after purchase will show why men who know nothing of what they are about universally abuse horse-dealers, MISGIVINGS. 279 while the man who does know what he is doing does not, but estimates them by a proper scale : he knows, as tradesmen, they will impose where they can. I should deserve to be imposed upon if I went to a linen-draper to buy window-curtains instead of send- ing my wife, when, God knows, though I have heard the names, I do not know book-muslin from lawn. The only excuse I could have for entering the shop would be a pair of bright eyes behind the counter ; and then I should get a double refined dig as to price, and well worth the money too : she would sport from the extra five shillings, a new ribbon on Sunday: whether a better or worse, it would be a different heart to mine that would grudge it to her. Now if a horse-dealer gets you into his stable, and you get the worst of it (which you certainly will if not a judge), he gives it you, as if he considered you a gentle- man, to a gentlemanlike amount. But the master dealer in jaconets and lenos, or whatever he calls them, entices you in by a Brobdignagian two, and two or three Lilliputian figures afterwards, something in this wa y> 2s. 2id. the latter in pencil ; and on going into his shop, tells you, on your throwing down six shil- lings for three yards of quite new or just out, " Oh Sir, 25. ^\d. ; but it is not what I recommend gentle- men like you (you will find Tom's soap here also). I have a beautiful article (a nice article he is) at 3s. 6d. : " so, blushing for being taken in, and laughed at by half a dozen little wicked devils with ringlets shaking at you, you pay 10s. 6d. for what is worth the price you expected to pay, viz. six shillings. Con- found the fellow ! Though I allowed myself to be done by the little Briseis with the radiant eyes, 1 do not bargain for the same in return for looking at his T 4- 280 MAKING ALL SAFE. greenish, greyish, half-squinting, wholly suspicious looking ogles ! Besides, there is a meanness in the thing, a kind of low petty-larceny sort of cheating that disgusts one. Not but that I give him all credit for being willing to impose on me to any amount if he could ; but what I hate the fellow for is, cheating for so small a consideration ! That man's soul would never be " above buttons." To sum up the whole, I allow horse-dealers to be roguish enough : they know that in a general way I think them so ; but my bootmaker, tailor, butcher, and baker know I think them so too, and never did trust to their honour ; and lest they should bring the joke against me, I bring it against myself. Since the partial abolishment of confinement for debt took place, they won't trust to mine : they are quite right : I be- gan the game by never trusting to them, and, what is more, please God I never will. One thing I have found from their not trusting me that at the end of the week two-thirds of everything do for the same family that used to be booked to my account when my bills were paid quarterly, or, I must allow oftener, half-yearly. Yery odd this ; for of course these ho- nourables furnished all that was put down in the bills. But if, as some people say, all tradesmen are more honest than horse-dealers, then what out-and-out su- perfine double-refined XXX rascals all horse-dealers must be ! As, however, I know this is not the case, why in that case the true case is this : if you purchase with judgment, you will do, buy of whom you mav : if you do not, buy of whom you may or what you may, in that case your case will be in the wrong box. We will now bid adieu to A. and B. and their horses, whom I have only introduced to show why men know- THE SAME TUNE IN A MINOR KEY. 281 ing nothing about horses abuse horse-dealers more than they do any other tradesmen. The fact is, such men, knowing less of horses than of other articles they purchase, lose more by them, and consequently always attribute their losses to their having been taken in by the dealer in them: but the truth is, they are only not as much taken in by other dealers, because they are better judges of the articles they deal in : if they were not, they would be equally taken in by them. We must recollect that Messrs. A. and B. are sup- posed to have gone to a respectable man, who in no way deceived either (no great thanks to him, it may be said, as regards B.) : but no matter ; the other was not taken in : the two horses perhaps cost originally the same price in a fair, the difference between them only being, one, like Pindar's razors, was " made to sell" the other to use. If you choose to buy a glass- imitation stick as a curiosity, well and good : but if you mean to walk or ride with it, you must not be angry with the shopman for selling it you. B. would pro- bably buy a good ground-ash for his purpose, and inwardly smile at your choice : possibly he did so when A. bought the horse. We will now mention a second class of dealer. By these I do not mean men of more or less honesty than those who fly at higher game : the same principle acts on both. By second class, I mean men who deal in horses ranging from 30/. to 60. a-piece. Such men are found in numbers in the more eastern parts of London and the City. These men we may occasionally even now see dressed, as a horse-dealer ought to be, in his single-breasted coat and top-boots, with his whip in his hand ; not like his customers, in satin cravats and waistcoats, which give him the appearance of a dealer 282 " HE WAS PERFUMED LIKE A MILLINER." in such articles ; for if he fancies they give him that of a gentleman, he most wofully deceives himself. It draws on him the ridicule of those who merely abstain from expressing their disgust at the imperfect and impertinent attempt at imitation, from the feeling that the noticing his dress would be a matter of su- pererogation, the immeasurable distance between them being such as to render it of no importance. The dealer, however, who has sense enough by a proper appearance, a straightforward but respectful manner, to show he is willing to pay a proper respect to his superiors, will always command that respect from them that is due to every man whose conduct deserves it, be his situation what it may. Mat Milton was not, God knows, ever very courteous in his manners ; but gentlemen do not want politeness in a horse-dealer, they only ask civility. An attempt at politeness from a tradesman is im- pertinence : he might as well take a lady's hand to help her to her carriage. I can mention a glorious bit of impertinence that took place a few weeks since on the part of one of our 1844 dealers. A gentleman went into his yard : the mille-fleurs-sceutGd herma- phrodite gentleman-dealer was arranging his well- oiled curls at the moment, (quite mauvais ton of his customer not to wait till he had completed the interest- ing occupation,) though he had gone through this cere- mony every hour. Instead of showing his stables and horses, this puppy turned on his heels, and addressing his foreman, said, " Mr. ," (mind the Mister!) " this gentleman wants to look at a horse ! " To make any remarks on his conduct to such a man would be quite useless : he would turn a deaf ear to all remon- strance. I in no shape mean to say that a horse- A BEAU. 283 dealer would be more respected from his manners being coarse or vulgar, or that his dress should be that of a cow-dealer ; quite the reverse : his address may be that of a gentleman, and his dress also, with- out any offence to any one: but let that dress be ap- propriate to his pursuits, and if he is fortunate enough to have something of the address of the gentleman, he will not make it more so by attempting the puppy- dandy gentleman, a character by the by now nearly exploded among men of family and fashion : it is, therefore, perhaps not so inappropriate as I at first stated it to be in certain horse-dealers in contradis- tinction. I know no man whose dress and address were always more in character with his pursuits in life than Mr. John Shackell, of Oxford Street ; always in good taste : and let any man point him out to a stranger as a country gentleman, neither his appear- ance nor manners would induce you to doubt his being so ; arid Beau Shackell was always a bit of a Count too, was a very good-looking, not to say handsome man, and knew it : but I never saw him sport satin (among his horses at least). I have known men take a copy of his dress as a riding one, but I never knew an instance of his forgetting himself so far as to copy that of any one of his customers, and then wear it in his yard. Let us return to our dealer in proper dress, if such a one is now to be found, or at all events to a man who is not a would-be gentleman. The customers of such men lie a good deal I should say among young City men, who sport their hack or buggy with the knowledge and consent of the Governor, and fre- quently their hunter without. Our dealer, knowing these are safe men, lets them have the latter, and pay 284 BETTING THE LONG ODDS. for him at their own convenience. This induces the young Mmrod to swear by bell, book, and candle, that Bray (as we will call our dealer) is the best and honestest fellow in the world : so Bray supplies the Governor also with what horses he wants. I men- tioned the name of Bray by chance, as I might have done any other : but as it is always pleasant to say a good word where one can, I had many years back some dealings with a Bray (I mean Aaron Bray) for buggy horses, and no man could have behaved better as to them, nor with greater civility than he always did, and now does whenever I see him. From what little I know of him, I wish he had made a fortune. I suspect it to be rather difficult to say which dealer has ; for we must not trust to appearances. The way in which many people always lose money by buying horses from dealers, whether high or low ones, is of course that they give more than the value of the horses they buy of them. Provided they lose, it may be said it matters little from what cause it arises ; but as I always like to look into causes, whe- ther effects are beneficial to me or the reverse, per- haps others may do the same ; but, where the effect may be the same, it in no way follows the cause is the same also. In buying a first-rate horse from a first- rate dealer, you give too much, for this reason, he gave too much for him at first for any purpose ; but to sell, he charges you perhaps half as much more; so when he is sold to you, in dealer's slang, "he won't want selling again." If you must not lose by him the deuce is in it. Be he as good as represented (and per- haps he is), you gave too much, unless indeed he turns up trumps ; but the odds are much greater against horses doing so than cards. THE DEAREST NOT ALWAYS THE SAFEST. 285 Now in buying horses of second-rate dealers, you also give too much : but this (of course I speak in a general way) much more frequently arises from the horse not turning out what you expect. A really fine horse, with fine action and in fine condition, cannot be much improved by all that can be done to him ; but a rather plain horse with moderate action can be wonderfully altered in his natural appearance when shown ; so you run much more risk of being disappointed in such horses after you have got them than in superior ones. The first-rate dealer's horses, in his language, " want no selling ; " they will " sell themselves : " the second-rate dealer's will not, so he must sell them. The first-rate dealer has only to talk you into price , for as to the horse, as he might probably tell you, "you can't mistake him;" now the other has to talk you into price and horse too. Here I am only speaking of young untried horses, and how far the appearance of the two may afterwards correspond with your ideas of them when shown to you. Allow that on being brought home you have given ten pounds too much for a forty-five pound horse : as he is just as likely to be sound as the other, and equally likely to turn out good for the purpose he is wanted, you still have 35/. for your 45. Should he turn out but badly, he must be bad indeed if he will not bring 25. ; so there is but 201. lost, though you were dis- appointed in his looks and goodness : whereas should the other look as well as he did, and also disappoint you, the loss will in no shape merely be in proportion. If it would, it would merely be that each buyer lost according to his means and capital : but it would not, and for this reason : the dealer in lower-priced horses 286 WE ARE ALL THE SLAVES OF CIRCUMSTANCES. is more careful in buying ; first, because he cannot afford to speculate so largely on looks as the other, knowing his customers will not : so he gives no more than he knows his horse is worth, and therefore can afford to sell to you at something like his value : the other charges you twice what he is worth even if he turns out well. Thus, though, as I have said, the inferior horse may disappoint you the most as to looks on a second inspection, and you see you have paid somewhat too much, the other will disappoint you three times as much in point of his price. Good or bad, in either case you will most probably lose ; but your risk in buying an untried horse of the first class of a fashionable dealer is truly awful, even if he does not deceive you so far as the horse goes. These ridiculous prices have been chiefly brought on by dealers (who have capital) supplying horses on credit : their customers don't care what they give, and, com- paratively speaking, the dealer therefore don't care what he gives to supply them. Go into one of their stables, they will not open their mouths under 150/. Men willing to pay, and not judges, so constantly hear of these prices, that they really fancy nothing is to be got under ; so they give it also : if they will, the dealer is a fool if he does not make them do so. Let me tell gentlemen also, that in the stables of second-rate respectable dealers they will very fre- quently find the identical horse they had been asked 150/. for, standing for sale at 70., about as much as ever should have been asked for him : not that he is a shilling worse than he was three months since ; but he has got into a stable where every customer is not an 150-pounder ; nor does its master give quite such unlimited credit : neither docs he (like the first-rate A BLACK DRAUGHT. 287 dealer) talk of his champagne to customers, some of whom, being deeply dipped with him, bear with his impertinence (I pity the man who is). A nobleman taking champagne at the table of a flash horse-dealer is, I conceive, an occurrence more to be "honoured in the breach than the performance ;" but a refusal might for sundry reasons be made unpleasant to His Lord- ship : so, as I give him credit for feeling the " per- formance" unpleasant, it is something like a dose of physic, neither pleasant in the breach nor the per- formance, so the sooner it is got rid of the better. From such dealers as do not advertise " fifty young sound fresh horses from Horncastle fair," we may also get horses of whose merits, when we come to use them, we may judge from their having been at work: so it is our own fault if we are much deceived in them ; for though we are not in the hands of one of the High- flyers, we are in those of a respectable man (we mean by and by to have a look at the regular coper who lives by screws). From respectable middling dealers, numbers of good horses, and good hunters too, are to be got ; and if a man wants a horse to go to work, he is much more likely to suit himself with them than with the generality of those who deal in higher-priced horses ; for if the latter only get fashionable-looking ones, their object is attained. A purchaser should always bear in mind what it is that brings horses to moderate prices : it is in the generality of cases one of these drawbacks want of beauty, want of action, want of soundness, or want of temper ; for if a horse is perfectly sound, free from all vice, has beauty and fine action, he cannot be bought of any dealer under a high figure. Still such a horse certainly may be purchased for nearly half 288 ESTABLISHMENTS FOR LOVES. the sum of one dealer than he can of another, and for this reason : one dealer has not so many customers who give enormous prices as the other has; so he must sell at less prices, or not sell at all. Some ladies fancy they cannot get " a love of a shawl" unless they go to the most expensive house to buy it. The prayers of the sinful are never heard : I have cursed two or three of these establishments for "loves of things" to their hearts' content ; but, confound them ! there they stand, and while they do I suppose our wives will go to them ; and so will certain men pay much more for their horses than they need do, because they also come from a particular establishment. I have, I remember, in an early part of these " Hints," said that a man knowing little of horses will in the end probably find a respectable dealer the best source whence to supply himself. I say so again ; but the term respectable may perhaps bear a different import in different people's mind. I mean, by a respectable man, one who values his character too much to commit acts incompatible with the character of being as fair in his dealings as we may expect any trader to be ; but I do not consider respectability involves the necessity of imitating Lord Chesterfield in the colour or tie of his cravat. Cravats at a pound apiece will not last for ever, nor will a case of cham- pagne. If these are not paid for by the user out of a PRIVATE fortune, they must be paid for by some one else. " What good-natured people they must be who do pay for them!" A man may say, and with truth, he wants a fine horse, and does not know where to get him but somewhere where satin is worn ; perhaps he does not know where else to get him. I dare say he does not ; but there are plenty of men who do, and A DEAR HORSE. 289 a man must be badly off for friends if he cannot find one who will take this trouble for him. But then the money must be forthcoming ; promises or " bits of stiff" won't do for men who will take a reasonable profit, and want their money to go to market with ; for " bits of stiff" won't do there either. A friend of mine, who is a very fair judge of a horse, two years since merely wanted one to carry him safely and pleasantly on the road : he rides heavy, is a liberal man, so was willing to pay a liberal price, and he did so (very considerably more than a hun- dred). The horse did not suit him, though what the dealer said of him could not be contradicted (for pleasantness in riding is rather a vague and indefinite expression, depending so much on ideas as to what is pleasant). He was immediately changed : money changed hands also, of COURSE. The new purchase did not suit either ; was most civilly (I beg the dealer's pardon for the term as applied to him) well, then, most politely changed also, and the difference in price as politely taken. This went on till my friend, despairing of getting a riding-horse, and wanting a match carriage-horse, took one, I believe, this time without giving money, and he got a fair useful ordinary carriage-horse. He told me some time afterwards, that, on looking to his memo- randa, he had given, first cost and differences of exchange, an amount during the time that made this carriage-horse stand him in a trifle over 600/., and he is a man who strictly adheres to the truth. " Champagne for ever ! " I have said that many men are really at a loss where to find a horse if they want him. These are VOL. i. u 290 CONNOISSEURS. only men who never buy a horse but as they do a dinner-service, namely, when the one is broken, or a change of fashion induces them to do so. If a man is known as a connoisseur in pictures, or bronzes, or books, he is at no loss where to find them ; he need not even seek them. The dealers in such articles will take very good care he shall not be ; but, on the con- trary, will wait on Mr. or his Lordship the moment they think they have got any thing they can persuade him to buy. So it is with horses. If the Marquess of Anglesey wanted a park-horse or a charger, or the late Lord Sefton a carriage-horse (both as first-rate judges of these different horses as of things that require a more refined taste to be a judge of) these noblemen need not hunt dealers' stables for horses. In the first place, the pad groom or the coachman will soon let it be known in the right quarter that my Lord has room for a horse: the dealers know to a hair what horse will suit each; they know it would be useless to show or send any other, and they further know they must not play tricks here ; the connexion, the being able to say they supply such men, is too great an advantage to risk the loss of; and, though they know they will be paid a liberal price, they also know they will not be paid a ridiculous one. They know, if a horse cannot handle his legs like Taglioni, the Marquess won't ride him ; and, unless his pace and action were first-rate they knew Lord Sefton would not have driven him. A dealer requires a good deal of tact to act the best for his own interest with his different customers. With some of these his business is to literally SUIT and please them, that they may say they buy horses " MILD AS MOONBEAMS." 291 of such-and such men, and they have always behaved well and fairly. Now they would not say they were treated fairly if the horses they bought did not GENERALLY answer their expectations ; and they would be right in saying so, because they would not, like the bad judge, buy what by nature was inappro- priate to the purpose wanted : so the not suiting would proceed from some hidden fault or failing, not from the evident want of judgment in the selection. The dealer knows this, and consequently, knowing that in such cases he has no excuse, is very careful in selling. Such men barring the risk inseparable from purchasing untried horses, generally do not get disappointed : when they are, they are sensible and liberal enough to blame, if blame is due, and not to censure where censure would be injustice. In the event of a horse not answering their purpose, they would send for or go to the dealer, and something like the following remarks would probably take place : " Well, Collins," (we will say Collins as well as any other name,) " that horse does not turn out as well as WE expected." " I'm sorry for it, my Lord :" (in this case he is so :) "I hope you found him as near as I could judge what I told your Lordship." " Yes, I have no fault to find ; he is sound and quiet, and goes well ; but he is a jade, and, after going a dozen miles, he is not worth a farthing." (Mem. one of the blessings of buying young fresh horses!) " I shall be most happy, my Lord, to change him for any thing in my stables ; or, if there is nothing there your Lordship likes, I will look out immediately, and you will perhaps be kind enough, my Lord, to drive the brute till I have got what will suit your Lord- u 2 292 " DTLLY, DILLY, WON'T YOU COME TO BE KILLED/' ship." He either supplies another from his stable, or hunts for one in others; and in all probability he suits his noble purchaser. Now, though I never recommend any one to change a horse with a dealer when he has once been deceived, in this case my Lord did quite right in going back to the same dealer, for he had not been deceived by him : the only decep- tion was in the horse : he had deceived both dealer and purchaser; and such cases must occasionally occur with many young horses, which sometimes beat the best judgment. In the case I have alluded to, the dealer would not ask a shilling for the exchange (provided of course that his customer takes a horse of the same class) : but his Lordship, unsolicited, hands him probably, when suited, a ten-pound note for his trouble and civility. This is as the thing should be : the dealer has made a fair profit, and acted the part of a respect- able man, while his customer has not forgotten he is a nobleman. Now there is another sort of customer that it is the dealer's interest neither to take in, nor offend, nor suit. This customer buys on his own judgment; consequently never is, or probably never will be suited till he gets some other person to buy for him. He cannot blame the dealer so long as the horses are sound and free from vice ; nor will he of course blame himself : he attributes it all to ill luck. This man is a regular income to the dealer, who of course makes his market of him, and still retains his own character and the good opinion of his customer. This sort of men, like trout, only want a little tickling, and will be had just as easily. Now the dealer understands " A HOPE S END TO HIM." 293 tickling, so makes sure of his fish, and does him (as all cooks should do their fish) a nice brown. There are of course various classes of dealers de- scending to the lowest : but we must not seek out all these: neither my space nor my readers' patience, would admit of this ; we will therefore at once make acquaintance with the low dealer and a very low and dangerous acquaintance he is. Of these there are various sorts ; but I hope I shall not be considered to confound the dealer, who, being low in pocket, can only deal in low-priced horses, and but few of them perhaps, with the regular organised scoundrel, low in manners, low in pursuits, and still lower in principle. There are many decent and respectable men who can only keep two or three 20. or 30/. horses, that are quite as worthy of confidence as their more opulent brethren. These men ride their own horses about the streets, show them to their customers, and often act as useful middle men in finding horses for them, if their own circumscribed means will not enable them to do so from their own stable. These are probably young men beginning with a capital of 50^., or dealers who have seen better days. The men I designate as low dealers are of various other sorts, of which I will mention, first, the thoroughly low, half pig-jobbing, half horse-dealing- looking vagabond, with a greasy macintosh, a pair of mahogany-coloured top-boots, a red worsted com- forter round his neck, arriving with his confederate in a wretched gig, with the still more wretched lame, spavinous anatomy of a good one drawing it. These fellows are to be seen in every fair. They do not go there like the respectable man, certain to buy if the u 3 294 ADVERTISEMENTS FREE OF DUTY. fair produces what he wants : they certainly do mean to buy if what they want presents itself, that is, if by means of the rascality, bullying, blackguardism, and united efforts of themselves and their worthy coad- jutors, they can cajole or bully any one out of his horse for little or nothing, doing also a little business in selling a regular flat-catcher at five times his worth. They are also ready to do any bit of rascality for another dealer, which he, although a rogue, is not open-faced rascal enough to do for himself. To such fellows dealers often entrust the sale of something they may have by them that is too bad to own ; yet will you find people weak enough to buy of such fellows a horse for 20/. that any one could see, who could see at all, would be worth QOL if he were half what they represented him to be. A man may be taken in by a respectable and fair-dealing exterior; but I do not think I ever saw one of these fellows but on whose countenance was written rascal as legibly as we see written Dr. Eady or Warren's Blacking on the different walls. These fellows will be seen either bustling about a fair, or planting themselves at what they call " Catch'em Corner," which means some spot where every horse paraded in the fair must pass them. Here they stop every one, and ascertain the price asked for him. Should they be asked GO/., they will laugh outright, ask if the person thinks them fools, or say, " Ask me 20/., and I'll talk to you." This, though they have no idea of buying the horse, they do for these reasons : it can do them no harm ; no one knows what an owner may take rather than not sell ; and they know it does what it is their business EXPERIMENTALISING. 295 to do, throws a damp 011 the seller's hopes. He had perhaps made up his mind, if he found he could not do better, to take ten or fifteen pounds less than he asked ; and, had they talked of forty instead of sixty, he would consider either he asked twenty too much, or that they wanted to get his horse at too little. But to be told to ASK twenty (which of course means that less would be offered (if he did) for a sixty-pound nag) is such a choker, that the owner (if he is not used to such things) hardly knows whether he or his horse stand on their heads or heels. He cannot conceive any man would have the impudence to make such a remark unless he had seen something radically bad about the horse that had escaped the owner's notice. He is almost tempted to look at his horse's eyes to ascertain whether he has gone blind. Now if one of these worthies perceive any thing of this, though, when he courteously begged to be asked 20/., he had not the remotest idea he should get him, he now begins to think the thing, though still impro- bable, by no means impossible, and as, if he fails, it will cost him nothing, he resolves to " try it on;" and something like the following very refined remark will probably be made to some other worthy : "I say, Jack, I think the gammon fits a bit, don't it ?" " Go after Johnny, and tell him I want to show him the Queen's face." From this moment our respectable acquaintance and his friend determine that they will have the horse, or that he shall not be sold at all. They cer- tainly cannot determine he shall be theirs; but if they set about it, they certainly will, in nineteen cases out of twenty, prevent his being bought by any one else. u 4 296 PHYSIC GRATIS. It may be fifty to one against their getting him ; but if in one case in fifty they do succeed, it is all in their favour, for spoiling the sale of forty-nine horses costs them nothing, and getting the fiftieth is all money in their pockets. Conscience they have none; so the virtually robbing, or, to use a milder term, spoiling the market of forty -nine persons to the tune of hundreds, is nothing in their estimation, if it gains them twenty, ten, or five pounds, ay, or five shillings. But how can they spoil the sale, may be asked? Very easily ; and this is one of the hundred ways in which they do it. People are always more prone to listen to any censure than they are to praise of any thing. A bit of scandal always goes down. Ay, blush, fellow man, when I assert that it does so even when scandal is levelled at lovely woman : there is a devilish sort of pleasure mankind has in hearing other persons or their property abused. Kochefoucault was not much out when he said, II y a quelque chose dans les mal- heurs de nos meilleurs amis qui ne nous deplait pas. He knew human, I might say inhuman, nature ; one word said in dispraise will go farther in biassing men's minds, than twenty said in commendation whether it be in the case of a horse, a woman's character, or Captain Warner's invisible annihilator. The worthy pair I have just mentioned having half persuaded the owner, and quite persuaded many others, that there is something wrong about the horse (for the opinion or even insinuation of a third party will in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred go further in persuading people that a horse has some fault than all the owner can say to the contrary) WIZARDS OF THE EAST, WEST, NORTH, AND SOUTH. 297 they now seek a little adjunct in the servant. If he is a fool, they really do satisfy him the horse is worth little more than they have offered ; and then letting him know that a couple of sovereigns will be his if they buy, in no way of course tends to induce him to alter this opinion ; and he then begins to recommend his master to sell if possible. Should they, however, find the man has sense enough not to be their dupe, they then try his honesty and bid high ; and I fear on this tack they too often succeed. Having paved the way in either case to the assistant offices of the servant, their game is now to appear to have given up all wish for the horse, which one of them, however, keeps a sharp eye on, and also on every one they see even looking at him. Should any one seem disposed to do this, the fellow on the watch accosts him " Nice nag that, Sir, TO LOOK AT ! / was pretty near putting my foot in it with him." " Why," says the looker-on, "is any thing the matter with him?" " Oh no, not for some people ; but " And he walks away, imitating a lame horse. This is enough ; the looker-on thanks his stars he was not done, and how fortunate he was to have seen that man ! The other miscreant, while this is going on, gets back again to Catch'em Corner to see if he can start any fresh game, taking care, however, to pass and repass the owner of the horse as often as he can, to show he has given him up, waiting, hoping, and fully expect- ing (in which he is seldom disappointed) that the owner will come to him. I think I see the fellow standing with a longish ground ash in his hand, which he either keeps bending about or has it with his hand deep in his coat-pocket. I know the very positional' 298 "LOUD LAUGHS, LOW GIBE, AND BITTER JOKE." the vagabond. Here he stops every passing horse, with something like the following very pleasant mode of address. If he sees a gentleman on a horse that is not a colt, he begins, in a particularly civil voice, " Beg pardon, Sir ! what are you axing for the old horse?" Should a servant be on one that looks in good working condition, he begins, with, " Now, then, how much for the notomy ? wo, old Step-and-fetch-it : let's look at you" this of course loud enough to be heard by all by-standers. The chance is, that some friend or other of the dealer, seeing what is going on, gives the thing a lift, and, addressing him, says, " I say, Brown," (or whatever the fellow's name may be,) " are you going to stand Smithfield ?" This raises a laugh against both groom and horse. Now, nothing people hate more than to be laughed at. The dealer knows this ; so tells the groom to come on one side out of the crowd. Glad to make his escape, he goes. Here both soap and money are tried on : and, as the groom would almost sell himself rather than be again exposed to the sneers of the multitude, it will be no wonder if he is anxious to sell the horse, which he does if the price is left to him ; if not, he does all he can to persuade his master to do so. The dislike to this kind of publicity that most respectable persons have is one of the many engines these fellows work to obtain their ends, either in buying or selling; and many good horses are really sold at half what the owner expected, and many bad ones bought, actually to avoid the slang and blackguardism of these low vagabonds and their companions. Now we will suppose, what probably will be the result, does occur. The former gentleman, finding A SPEECH. 299 to his great surprise (not being aware of the sale of his horse having been purposely spoiled) that he gets no offers made for him except by friends of the dealer, who have been sent to offer him even less than he did, he goes to the dealer, and talks of taking, say Wl. more than he had offered, and 301. less than he (the owner) had asked : but he now finds the case altered ; that is, it is represented to be so : he will be told that the dealer, having seen more of the horse, does not like him at all, or he has bought two others, which are all he wants : besides, " talking of thirty pounds, Sir, why, there's a horse ! I bought him (showing one belonging to some friend who is perhaps asking 50/. for him) for 18^. : he is worth two of this here old 'un." " Very well," says the gentleman, " then you decline him ; go home, Thomas." " Why, as to that, Sir, I don't mind buying him at a price." " Well, wait, Thomas." He now tries the civil, candid tack : " dares to say the horse is a good horse ; is sure the gentleman would not deceive him (Mem. no fear of that!) dares to say the gentleman thinks he offers a low price ; but country gentlemen don't know what sich horses are worth in Lunnun : he couldn't sell him as a sound un to none of his cus- tomers, not by no means : he should sell him for a hommibus to his brother, who wanted one ; he might do a little vork in leather ; wishes for the gentleman's sake he could give more ; 'twould be better for he and the gentleman too if he could ! he has three fivers left ; he would give that, but he would as soon be Avitliout him." It ends in his getting him : he gives the servant half a crown openly (says nothing of the two sovereigns given before) then tells the 300 CATCHING A WEASEL ASLEEP. gentleman " he hopes he'll remember his man ; says the rule is a gentleman gives double what the dealer gives." The man gets five shillings, half of which goes to the master. Thus this and many other horses are sold, and this is often the result of people unac- customed to such places going to fairs to sell their own horses. They are detected at once by such vaga- bonds as I have described : a regular plant is made on them, and they are legally robbed of their property, or at least something very near it. A man who may read what I have described may say he would not be so green as to be done in that way. Probably he might not, but there are hundreds who would ; and it is still possible, that, had the gentleman not read what I have written on the sub- ject, he might, notwithstanding his confidence in him- self, have been done precisely in such a manner. Having had the plot laid bare to him, he thinks it would never have succeeded with him. This cannot be proved ; so it only remains a matter of opinion between him and me : and though our opinions in this differ, if I have put him a little on his guard for the future, I have, I feel, done him some service, though he thinks, that, like weasels, he was not to be caught asleep. But let me tell him, there are some nice lads among the low-dealing fraternity, arid perhaps simple- looking ones too, who would even take the above- named watchful animal dozing. I have only men- tioned one among the thousand modes of doing the provincials, and I should like to bet any wide-awake friend long odds that if he goes into a fair they will find a moment to catch him napping. When they have, he will perhaps wish he had taken Harry Hie'- " JOCKY OF NORFOLK, BE NOT TOO BOLD.'' 301 over's advice, and not trusted to his weasel-like attri- butes, or fancied himself to have got au fond de son metier as a salesman. I have merely attempted to give a rough sketch of one of the scenes in a fair: it would render these hints too lengthened were I even to give the heads of the various changes to be rung by rascality, all tending to the same result, where the actors are of the same class ; and I can assure my friends, at least those who have but ordinary experience in such matters, that on all and every occasion where the deal with such scamps as I allude to takes place, they will be robbed to a certainty. Let them not fancy they can escape, for escape is all but impossible. The most knowing are not always a match for deliberate, and, above all, confederate villany. The once celebrated George Barrington was on some occasion brought in contact with a magistrate in the latter's private room. On Barrington pulling out his handkerchief, he with it pulled out of his pocket a queer-looking little instrument with a hook or hooks at the end of it. The magistrate inquired its use. On being plainly told it had been made for the purpose of picking pockets, the magistrate jokingly asked Barrington if he thought he could by this means extract any thing from his pocket without his feeling it. He replied, he did not think he could ; and the magistrate as confidently felt he could not. Shortly after, Barrington went to the window and began abusing some passer-by on some pretended charge of ill-usage of himself: he (the stranger) of course ex- postulated : this led to high words : the magistrate came to the window to see what was the matter, and, 302 DOING A MAGISTRATE. finding one of the two must be wrong, requested the stranger to walk in, and he would see into the merits of the case ; and he left the room to go to him. On his return, he found Barrington gone, who of course did not wish any interview with the stranger, who consequently took himself off also. This was well enough ; but, on wishing to see the hour, his wor- ship discovered that his watch was gone too. He now remembered the hook. Barrington, not daring to keep it, returned with it next day, when, if report says true, the magistrate presented it to him for his ingenuity : if so, he was a trump. I hope my friends will believe me when I say, that a horse in the hands of a certain set is to be made as efficacious an instrument for picking pockets as George Barrington's hooks. They may forget themselves, and be induced (if not to look out of window as the worthy magistrate was) to do something that puts their pockets in quite as much danger. Whether in buying or selling, the only way is to have nothing to do with these gentry : never fancy you can guard against their tricks : they have a dodge at every turn. Nice lads to get a bargain of ! Yes, they will give you a bar- gain, " with a liook" We will shortly show how these fellows act when a gentleman or any other individual wants to buy ; for they will have a finger in the pie here too. I have before said, these scamps do not come to fairs (in the common acceptation of the term) to buy, that is, they do not come to buy a certain number of horses to take away to be sold at a proper and a general profit. If they can buy, as I have represented, a horse for a quarter of his value, in which so far as " THE EAGLE DOES NOT TAKE FLIES." 303 one or two they generally succeed in doing, they buy, and of course do not object to their being sound : but they would much prefer buying what they term a " good screw " at ten or twelve pounds, that would be worth sixty or seventy if he was sound, to buying a sound horse at thirty that in ordinary dealing they might expect to sell for forty. It is by screws they live, and why they do so is easily explained. For instance ; a good sort of (what dealers term) trades- man's horse, six years old, sound and a fair goer, is worth we will say forty pounds. This is one of the kind of horses that can be valued as easily as the gig or four-wheel he is destined to draw : take him where you will, he is worth within two pounds, more or less, of that sum : his size, age, looks, and action, will always command about that ; but there is nothing in him to command more : every man who knows a horse from a hand-saw can judge his price ; there is no flat- catching in him. Go to Burford's stables ; I doubt not among his other horses he will show you twenty of this stamp : he must keep some such among others for his customers. But this is not a money-making sort of horse : he can only be sold at a fair profit, like a sheep or a bullock. Now this sort of horse would not do for Rascal-dealer at all : he could not get a LOB out of him : consequently he never buys such (in a fair way at least) : he does, if, as I have shown, he can do some one out of him for fifteen or sixteen pounds, not otherwise. There are horses that no man alive can value such as hunters, horses of extraordinary beauty, or horses of extraordinary pretensions as to going. Such horses are worth just what different people choose to 304 HIE ! PRESTO. give for them. These are the horses to bring the profit to first-rate dealers; but, as Rascal- dealer cannot touch them, he must find something else whose value or, I should in this case say, worthlessness can- not be easily defined; and this is the good screw. What he terms " a good screw" is a horse whose com- plaint or tricks can be so palliated or concealed for a time as to prevent their being detected (sometimes even by a good judge). It would be useless my at- tempting to describe the thousand-and-one ways to which such fellows resort to produce the desired effect : it would fill a good-sized volume ; and then the or- dinary run of buyers would be still unable to detect them. A man may be told that the conjurer does not leave the watch in the box, as he pretends to do ; but if the man sees the watch in the box, locks it himself, keeps the key, and on again opening it finds the watch gone, it only amounts to " How the devil did he get it out ?" after all. The truth is, the conjurer was too quick for him ; and depend on it Rascal-dealer would be too quick too, notwithstanding all the previous information or fancied knowledge the buyer might have. Particular shoeing, beaning, (or other ways of producing the same effect,) hot water, stimulants, sedatives, physic, copious general or local bleedings, rest or constant exercise, tonics, sickening medicine, fatigue, keeping a horse awake for three or four nights and days, will all produce wonderful effects on horses in palliating lameness, bad eyes, bad wind, internal or external weakness, vice or violence. People will suppose a horse's throat an open 'se- pulchre when I tell them I have once seen as many A GO. 305 as six-arid-thirty balls popped down a broken-winded one's throat one after the other: it is nevertheless fact ; he seemed to take it as a matter of course. I saw the same horse sold more than ten times over in Dublin in about six weeks ; so, as he doubtless got his dose each time he was sold, reckoning by length, he got in that time about thirty yards of ball down his throat. Pretty well for the time ! If he has gone on ever since, I conclude his inside has by this time become tolerably well lubricated. I have mentioned sickening medicines, and it might appear to some persons strange that a dealer should wish to sicken his own horse. Well, then, suppose a dealer has bought a thoroughly -known vicious restive run-away brute to be sold he must be tried ; and to be tried, he must be rode. Now it is not so extra- ordinary he should wish to sicken him a bit. If my reader has ever enjoyed the pleasant sensation of a thorough sea-sickness, I will answer for him, that, hasty or belligerent as he might be on ordinary occa- sions, he was tame enough then : so I have seen horses so violent that it was next to impossible to mount them, and as difficult to keep on their backs when mounted, rendered so sick and tame that you might have lifted them into a waggon for all they cared at the time ; and thus have they been prepared when " the Gentleman was coming to ride them." In a few hours the effect goes off, and then, when the Gentleman attempts to ride, probably he goes off too. " Very astonishing! nothing could carry him quieter than the horse did yesterday." If the Gentleman is only astonished, he is very lucky ; but he is farther astonished, when, on calling on the dealer, he pro- bably has also gone : so altogether he finds it a very VOL. i. x 306 ONE OF THE TEMPERANCE SOCIETY. pretty go ! The first go was wrong in going to such fellows. But suppose Mr. Kascal does not mean to go, but stands his ground, and takes the horse back : he then brings this violent customer of a horse to his senses in another way, -and for a more permanent (but still temporary) period. He ties my gentleman's head up to the rack, which he gives him full permission to look at ; if he can derive any nourishment from that, he is at liberty to do so : a man is placed behind him with a whip night and day ; this keeps the horse from getting a wink of sleep the man of course relieved by a substitute. The horse does not find himself particularly relieved by this process, nor is the substi- tute behind him and two or three pounds of hay and a little water a very pleasant substitute for good feeding ; nor is the addition of his forty-eight hours' vigil any pleasing addition to his comfort. Mr. Horse begins to find this any thing but a joke, and keeps looking round as far as he can to see if any one is coming. Right glad would he be to welcome the very man whose brains he would have tried to have knocked out two days before if he went up to him ; but no, there is the man on the stool of reform, and Mr. Horse finds himself on the stool of repentance. He is now well prepared by abstinence for a dose of physic ; very sick ; no sleep allowed ; warm water ad libitum ; must not be made to look too lanky. By the time the physic has done, and four days and nights of constant wakefulness, with nothing but a little bran and warm water, have passed, what with weakness, drowsiness, and fatigue, there is little doubt of the horse carrying quietly enough. He is accord- ingly ridden ; if any remains of restiveness or vice AN INCOME. 307 appear, he gets first a sound thrashing, which he is too dispirited to resist, and then he gets another night of it till he is thoroughly tamed and browbeaten : he is again sold ; and probably, though then put on proper feeding and allowed proper rest, it takes some days before he so far recovers himself as to resume his former habits. Perhaps, from having been thoroughly cowed, he never "does become quite as violent as he was before ; but restive he will be no doubt. Now what is the purchaser to do ? he cannot most pro- bably prove the horse had been restive, while Mr. Eascal will not only swear, but bring plenty of witnesses to swear, he never was ; and indeed the Gentleman and his groom cannot help allowing that for a week the horse was quiet. If he goes to law and gains his cause, it will cost him a good deal of money and a great deal of trouble ; and the chances are that so many witnesses will outswear him. The only wise thing for him to do is to give the scoundrel a sum to take him back, which he will do, as such a horse is an income to him : he is a good screw, though not a lame one, and will be sold over and over again by the same party and his coadjutors. Having mentioned Dublin and a horse there, I will mention another that I saw sold there, at the different Eepositories and fairs in the neighbourhood, I should say twenty times. The fact was, if he was sold on Tuesday at one Repository, he was certain to be on Friday for sale at another, as the buyer was sure to find him out in an hour after he had got him. He was what is termed "a chinked-backedone ; " that is, he had been injured in the spine. Many of these horses will do well enough with no weight on them when going x 2 308 A FOREIGNER. straight along : stop them short, or turn them round quickly, the secret is out at once ; but this is of course avoided when shown for sale. The horse I allude to was a very good-looking harness-like horse, five-years- old, and worth fifty if he had been sound : he was in the hands, or at least was most of his time in the hands, of one of these Mr. Rascals : he was not only a good, but a superfine screw to him. On one of the various occasions of this horse being sold, I was much amused at the fellow's consummate impudence and ingenuity. Some of my readers may have to learn that a horse thus injured in the spine is, in dealers' slang, termed a " German," why I know not : and from this I suppose is by some also called a "foreigner." On the occasion to which I allude, a gentleman was very properly abusing the fellow who was an English- man much to the credit of my country! for selling him this horse. The fellow's reply was, first, " Did I warrant him sound ? " " No, you did not : you said you could not, as he had a corn." "Well, so he has a corn." " Yes, you scoundrel, but you did not tell me he was broken-backed," "No, nor he ain't bro- ken-backed : he is only chinked a bit. Did not I tell you he was a furriner, and that was why I sold him so cheap ? " " Yes, you did ; but what has his being a foreigner to do with his back?" "Why, everything: if I told you a horse was a buck, I suppose you'd know his eyes warn't right, wouldn't you ?" " No, indeed I should not." "Why, then, more's the pity ! I say, Jem (continued the fellow to some friend going by), I sold the furriner to this gemman ; told him he was one ; and now he wants to know what that has to do with his back ! " " Does he ?" said 'the fellow ; " let him get on him an' he'll know." " Now," says Mr. TAKING K-BACK. 309 Rascal, "you see every body vot knows anything knows what a furriner means. I didn't warrant him ; you harn't got no law nor justice on your side; I wish you luck with him ! " The gentleman looked as if he doubted very much the arrival of the luck bespoke for him, and I doubt not would have sold his expec- tation a bargain. In short, he did not seem to know quite what to do ; but he was likely to be relieved from his dilemma by a man (of course one of Mr. Rascal's friends) coming up to him, and saying, " Why, I hear, Sir, you have bought the broken-backed-'un : " (he was broken-backed now ! ) "he's of no use to nobody ; he can't carry a pound on his back, and he can't draw more nor an empty cart : he's been sold here for three pound many a time. The fellow you bought him of oughtn't to be allowed to come into no sale-yard." " Well," says the gentleman, " I am taken in I know; I paid eighteen pounds for the horse, and am willing to lose by him ; but he is not so bad as you represent him." "Ain't he, though?" says the fellow: "just let's see him out." The horse was brought out. " Here," says he to some scamp in the secret, "just run this horse, will you ? " The horse was put to the best of his trot, turned as suddenly round as pos- sible, and, as it must be with such horses, he nearly fell on his side as he turned, and appeared for a minute or two hardly able to stand. I need not go on further with the thing than to say, that, as is always done in such cases, a crowd of vagabonds got collected round the gentleman, and to avoid their sneers, coarse jokes, and being laughed at, he was glad to get out of it by selling the horse for three pounds ! But, as a finale to his wounded pride and purse, in a few mi- nutes afterwards he saw the fellow riding the horse, x 3 310 STRAIGHTFORWARD DEALING. who came up to him, saying, " Why, he ain't half as bad as I thought he was : he ain't all the money too dear now ! " I saw nothing more of my friend the furriner till about a month afterwards, when " a horse, cart, and harness, the property of a tradesman," was advertised for sale at one of the Repositories at a particular hour, at which particular hour a horse was driven into the yard at a fair trot straight up to the auction-box, but owing to the crowd and carriages for sale being in the way, this " horse, cart, and harness " could not be con- veniently turned round (Mem. we know the horse could not ) . This was of course foreseen ; so he was sold standing there, and for cart purposes his action was no great matter, and it was seen he drew quietly. I think he fetched twenty pounds. I need scarcely say the cart and harness were bought in, having only been bor- rowed for the occasion. So soon as he was knocked down he was slipped out of the cart, led straight up the yard, and put into the stable, no doubt the purchaser congratulating himself on having got a good horse, the genuine property of a tradesman ! Now, although this was all preconcerted the cart and horse only coming at the time specified the trot straight up the yard, as if done from being late the cart not being able to be turned round and the horse being taken straight out to enable the man to run the cart out of the way all was done so naturally that nothing like deception or anything particular appeared. This was the last appearance of furriner while I was there : probably if he did not take a benefit there, he has given many a one to others since. It may appear rather a matter of surprise how such fellows as I have described can afford the expense of " A FELLOW FEELING MAKES ONE WONDROUS KIND." 311 going distances to fairs, when, as I have said, they are not certain of always being able to buy. The thing is managed in this way. In the first place, they rarely fail to find a something to lay their hands on ; and if they do not, they can always pay their expenses by doing a something for respectable dealers which they would not choose to be found doing themselves ; and in this case often get a couple of sovereigns from the dealer for selling some screw for him, and fre- quently a couple more from the buyer for having found one for him : but of course that he is a screw is only found out afterwards ; oftentimes never found out at all, unless a very bad one ; for if he does his work, it is concluded he is sound ; and if in the course of time he cannot, it is supposed that it is something fresh, and the owner only attributes it to ill-luck. But we will see how Mr. Rascal can help a brother in iniquity without doing anything very bad ; merely in fact giving a little quickener to a sale. These fellows, as I have said, always have their eyes open for a chance, and in a moment know what to do on any occasion. We will suppose he sees a gentleman looking at any one horse in a dealer's lot : he may not have asked any questions about the horse, but our lynx-eyed friend plainly sees he is preparing to do so, or has just done it. Up bustles Rascal to the dealer: " Bob, I want that GOOD horse of yours." Now, by his good he means to imply in a general sense superior, and of course this good would have been equally np- plied to any other horse among them that had attracted the gentleman's notice. This gives the buyer in prospectu an idea that he has not made a very bad choice Quickener the first : " Well, " says Bob, " what d'ye want wi' he?" The at once recognising x 4 312 POTATOES AND HORSES AU NATUREL. the horse meant by the term good shows that Bob con- siders him his best horse. Quickener the second: " Why, I wants to take him to the gemman what bid you money for him just now ; he wants a friend to see him." " Oh ! he's welcome to show HE to who he likes ; but mind I won't take no less." Quickeners 4, 5, 6, and 7 : out comes the horse, the lip-string pro- perly tightened up : no need of ginger that was right before : some need of the spurs ; so in they go now, and off goes Rascal, making the best show possible. Quickeners, God knows how many ; for the gentleman, not thinking the horse is being set off to any particu- lar advantage, the intended purchaser not being pre- sent (or anywhere else), he congratulates himself on having seen the horse au nature^ as the Frenchman said of the first potato he ever saw, and consequently ate raw the only difference being, Monsieur did not like the potato at all, whereas Mr. likes the horse very much. While the other is gone, Bob shows the Gentleman two or three others ; praises them more than he does the one he intends the Gentleman to buy : this shows he is not anxious to sell him. Back comes Rascal ; times it to come up just when he has the horse mettled and settled to his best pace : " Now if you like to take a fair price, I have sold him : the Gentleman will give the guineas and no farther trou- ble." The quickening is now going on very fast, indeed almost boiling : "I won't take the money, so put him in." " Why, you'll make three pound clear by him, so let him have him."- " I tell you I won't ; I won't stand none of his haggling: he shan't have him at no price now : so there ! put him in."- -Rascal jumps off in a passion, damns Bob and his horse, and swears "he'll never try to sell ahorse for him again." THE HALTER ON THE WRONG ANIMAL. 313 Bob, equally polite, damns Rascal, and tells him " he don't want him to't. " Now the Gentleman, having no reason to suspect that Rascal knew anything of his wishes for the horse, really considers he has heard a genuine conversation between the two ; and the little gentlemanlike ebullition of temper between them, and Rascal's still surly looks, confirm it : so he thinks he has got what we may term a little stable information about as good and as much to be depended upon as some very cunning people sometimes get from racing establishments. The quickening now boils in right earnest : an offer is made ; the dealer leads the Gentle- man confidentially by the arm a little on one side that no one may hear how cheap he sells him the horse; taking care, however, to keep within ear-shot of Rascal, who may be useful if anything goes wrong. The horse is ordered to the Red Lion, or Scarlet Bear, or wherever the Gentleman likes ; the dealer takes care never to leave the Gentleman till he has touched the cash ; wishes him luck ; gets the luck- penny : and then Rascal and Bob go to dinner : so will possibly the Gentleman, after he has seen his horse the next day Mem. "with what appetite he may." Not that I mean it is certain he has bought an unsound one : perhaps not : still I will answer for it, Rascal showed him better in a halter than Gentleman will with a bridle. I have, however, only shown how in one way a little quickening may be applied. Of course the game is played in various ways, according to cir- cumstances : sometimes a different and the long game has to be played ; whereas short whist did in this case. Now let me explain a little of the by-play that pro- bably escaped Gentleman's notice. I have said the dealer took him by the arm (it's a way they have) a 314 TACT. little out of the crowd : Gentleman thinks it very natural the dealer may not wish everybody to know all about his horse (Mem. dealers have a great many little natural ways with them.) Gentleman will, how- ever, find there is more of the natural in himself than in the dealer. Now, the Gentleman is quite right in supposing it was not wished that every one should hear the conversation; but the dealer's motive for this was somewhat different from what it was thought to be. It was this : he did not know who might be in the crowd perhaps some persons well known to his customer ; and then, if things went wrong, they might be brought forward as witnesses of what dealer had said about the horse. For this reason he is taken out of the way ; and Rascal is kept in the way as a witness on dealer's side : so the Gentleman by these means can bring no witness if he wants one to swear the truth, while the dealer has one to swear any lies he may dictate for him. I will venture to assert, that in nineteen cases out of twenty, where a gentleman is dealing for a horse in any public place, let him turn round, and he will see some Mr. Rascal-looking fellow on the listen ; and he may depend upon it he is there for the purpose I have stated. This is only one of their little naturel ways of managing things. I have my little natural ways too ; and one of them is, always to get out of the way of one of these gratuitous listen- ers ; and, under such circumstances, my reader will do well to get into the way of doing the same thing. Having said something of these sort of gentry's mode of buying and selling, there is another part of their vocation to be spoken of: this is chopping, or swapping. Now, in good round terms, let me give my reader one bit of advice NEVER SWAP WITH A " SUCH A GETTING" DOWN " STAIKS." 315 DEALER. I do not mean to say but that once or twice during a long life (if a very long one) a man may get a fair or advantageous exchange, but depend on it, if you take rny advice au pie de la lettre, you will do by far the best and wisest thing. I must mention an anecdote, where it should seem a man did himself a benefit by tumbling from the top of a high flight of stairs to the bottom ; still it is an experiment, that, like swapping with a dealer, I strongly recommend my friends to avoid making. My father and a friend, sitting in an hotel, were startled by hearing a tremendous fall on the stair- case : they rushed out, fearing to find some one with broken bones; but no, it was a French Gentleman, who had come from the top of the house rather faster than he had intended, by tumbling headlong from it. " Monsieur, vous vous avez fait du mal," said my father. " Au contraire, je vous remercie," cried the Frenchman. Another inmate now came and inquired what was the matter. " Oh ! nothing," says my father, " but a d d Frenchman has frightened us to death by tumbling down stairs, and says he has done him- self a great deal of good by it." So you may by swapping with a dealer : but don't try it ! Swapping, I believe, is exchanging one thing for another ; and this the dealer perfectly understands. A fair swap should be, if two things are of equal value, the giving one for the other ; or, if of unequal value, giving or receiving the fair difference in value : this the dealer does not understand : at least he won't, which is the same thing to you. The first thing dealer does, and will do under almost any circum- stances in swapping, is to draw money. In this particular, I care not be he of the highest or lowest 316 A LITTLE MANAGEMENT WANTED. grade, the fixed principle is the same. I do not mean to say he would refuse to take a horse worth sixty for one worth twenty without boot ; but I will pound him he will try to get it. Let dealers deny it if they can (and if they were to deny it to me, it would be of no use) they in a general way expect to get the horse they swap for (figuratively speaking) for nothing. In fact you will hardly get one to swap with you at all, if you have known the price of his horse beforehand : he will be sure then to be "quite full" "expecting a lot from some fair" " shall have to hire stables for them." Mem. he would have found room if you had not known the price of the horse you want. Now though I am quite sure you could have done yourself no good by the swap had you made it, you may, with- out suspecting how, have put yourself in the way of selling, I should say sacrificing, your horse by attempt- ing the swap, and I will tell you how. Dealer has seen your horse, likes him, and would buy him at (in his phrase) a price. We will say he wants a hundred for his horse, and you a hundred for yours, and, as a supposed case, the one is as well worth it as the other. You would give ten or fifteen pounds for the accom- modation of the exchange. Here dealer's faculties become again obtuse : this is one of the exchanges he don't understand. No, " this will never do for Gal- way," as the song goes. Now if he could sell you his at a hundred, and get yours at fifty, it would do. He understands this, but you do not, and he would be afraid to try to make you ; so, as he would say, " he could not WORK." But he mil, though, in another way. Now, if, as I suppose, he likes your horse, and can get him " at a price," and sell you his too at his price, he won't have made a bad day's work of it : but " THE MANAGER AT HOME." 317 supposing he does not want your horse, and can only sell you his, depend upon it his time will not have been lost. He knows you will buy his ; so the first thing is to get your horse in his way or out of his way as may best suit him. (Mem. this is another little naturel way he has ! ) Now to do this, our lately neglected Rascal is employed : he calls at your stables, " has heard from (& n y one but the person he did hear it from) that you have a horse to sell." Now the way he will work will depend upon the hints he has got of your habits, temper, and knowledge of horses: he either " does not care about price, will give anything for a nice 'un ;" and then points out fifty things that make yours a very nasty one ; or he comes the candid and civil : " does not mislike the horse ; is but a poor man ; if he can make two or three pounds by him he is satisfied ;" and so forth: or, " he wants him for a (jremman what won't buy no horse without him seeing him : will bring the Gemman." He does so : " the Gemman don't like the horse at all:' 1 ' 1 he persuades him strongly to buy him. We will say the Gemman does not buy the horse. "Well," says the owner to himself, " the poor man did all he could to sell the horse at any rate :" so Rascal gets something for his trouble. The horse has been tolerably abused by this time, at least so far as Gemman dare abuse him, and the owner is left to digest this at his leisure. This is only paving the way for another gemman that Rascal brings ; and it rarely happens but the horse is got, and either goes to the dealer's stables who wanted him, or is sold somewhere else. Thus, in point of fact, the swap will be made, not indeed exactly as the gentleman meant, but very nearly on the same and 318 " GENIUS GENUINE." only terms on which dealer would have swapped in his own yard. Most probably, on the gentleman purchasing the horse he wanted to swap for, something is said about the other. Dealer now takes his cue and says some- thing to this effect : " Why, Sir, your horse was cer- tainly a very clever nag; but I tell you very honestly" (oh ! oh !) " that if I had chopped, I should have wanted to draw fifteen pounds between them. I knew you would think that too much ; so, not wishing to offend any customer, I declined altogether." The gentleman, smarting under "the trouble the poor man took to sell the horse," wishes he had known what Mr. would have taken, which he thinks was very fair indeed, and resolves, if ever he wants to swap again, to come to Mr. , and leave the deal entirely to him. He may if he likes ; but he will then find Mr. has some other little naturel way of mana- ging the thing that won't give him quite the worst of the swap ! I have endeavoured to give some idea how a certain class of dealers work, either in buying, selling, or assisting others in doing so ; also the ruling principle of all dealers in swapping. I fear, however, I have not done anything like justice to the talents of our friend Kascal. His ubiquity of presence, universality of information, presence of mind, versatility of inven- tion and manner, with many other virtues all ready at a moment's warning to suit different occasions, are really astonishing, and a good many he does astonish in no small degree. I am quite aware I have not exhibited one-thousandth part of his talents. I did not intend, nor do I intend to attempt, to do so ; and, what is more, I could not if I did, thougli I do know " TOO FLATTERING SWEET TO BE SUBSTANTIAL." 319 something about him too. At all events I know enough to keep out of his hands. But I will now look at him in another cast of cha- racter, and acting in one of those precious pieces of rascality that are carried on to a great extent in London. Reader, you have no doubt seen an adver- tisement something to this effect : " THE PROPERTY OF A LADY, * fi To be parted with in consequence of the ill health of the owner, who is ordered to a warmer climate " A pair of splendid grey britska geldings, with full manes and tails, six and seven years old, own brothers, and nearly thorough-bred, match well, with grand action. " A beautiful brown lady's mare, seven years old, thorough-bred ; has been regularly ridden by the owner these last two years. " Also a particularly handsome dun cob, with flowing white n\ane and tail, so docile an invalid or child may drive him ; has been constantly driven in a low Albert phaeton : invaluable to a timid person. " The above are all sound ; price will not be an object where they will be treated kindly. N.B. No horse-dealer need apply. The coachman will show the horses at the rear of No. , Street, Square." Now, as a prelude, let me advise my reader to first always look with a suspicious eye on a horse advertise- ment. If represented as coming from a lady, eighteen times out of twenty it's a do : if ever it is said that the great object is to sell to a person who will use them kindly, nineteen times out of twenty it's a do. But if it is said no horse-dealer need apply, the do is certain. It only requires a little reflection to convince us such an advertisement is not a genuine one : and to show its absurdity, though it takes in numbers daily. In the first place, a Lady, keeping her carriage, saddle-horse, 320 KILLING LADIES. and pony phaeton, must of course also keep a servant's hack : this requires coachman, groom, and helper ; the Lady probably has two men in the house. Now, is it likely a lady keeping five men-servants would be driven to the necessity of advertising her ill health and horses ? If from that cause she wished to part with such horses as those described, among her nu- merous acquaintance and their acquaintance she would find plenty to take them off her hands. A beautiful mare, which has carried a lady two years, or a very handsome cob invaluable to a timid person, are not to be had every day, consequently want no advertising. As to finding her horses a comfortable berth, really nice horses seldom get uncomfortable ones. But would a lady suppose any one would bind themselves to her horses for life ? If they do not, what would be the use of her sacrificing her money when they might be again sold in a month : and as to no dealer needing to apply why not ? A dealer would not use her horses ill, for his own sake ! and as she is not very likely to ask him into her drawing room, what would it matter to her whether he saw her coachman or not ? As to the ill health, it is astonishing how many ladies are in ill health and wanting to sell their horses, according to the papers' account. It is really cruel of these papers to wound our feelings by such statements ; I don't say mine, because I don't believe them: and what is more, I know that, thank GOD, delicate as the fair creatures are, Ladies, like some other things I could name, take a devilish deal of kill- ing : so do their lovers, or else GOD help them ! But should the lady not find a friend to purchase her horses, surely Mr. Tattersall would be a better medium through which they might be disposed of; for no one LE SAVANT, ET LA SAVONETTE. 321 who knows him could doubt his exertions being used to their utmost extent where ladies are concerned. And a lady advertising her horses really has some- thing dealing-like in it ! Now if house furniture and the whole paraphernalia were to be advertised, well and good : we should then, if Mr. Robins was em- ployed, see her horses brought before the public in something like the following modest announce- ment : " Last though not least among the many prizes of inestimable and matchless worth, THE BEAU MONDE may here possess themselves of those living specimens OF REFINED TASTE, selected for the use, and for some time the happy FAVOURITES OF THE FAIR ; and, as her lovely prototype of old, the then unrivalled MATCHLESS CLEOPATRA, was wont, when sailing on the Cydnus, to shine the leading star of her less BRILLIANT HEMISPHERE I when these envied animals, these happy slaves were harnessed to the CAR OF BEAUTY, did their fair mistress, by their willing aid, move amid I rather think there is a trifle of soap here, but not the beastly yellow kind used (as mentioned) by Tom : no, nor the plain brown Windsor used by my humble self: Mr. Robins has an article for his especial use, in comparison to which he would vote the best Naples as detestably out of taste as musk or lavender water. Long may he get the best of that and every- thing else for his own use, for he is a capital fellow, VOL. i. Y 322 A PEEP IN PROSPECTU. which I believe all who know him will allow, notwith- standing his extra superfine soap ! When I have the honour to meet my reader next, I hope he will not object to go with me to the stables where these pretended lady's horses were advertised. We will then see what game is playing there, and just by way of curiosity, and perhaps also of get- ting a wrinkle, take a look at the locality where these nonpareils of horses "the property of a Lady," are to be seen. Now, as we do not consider ourselves yokels of the first water, but men who know something of the world's ways, we will on entering the stable cast our critical eye round, to see how far Eascal and Co. have had the tact or opportunity of putting everything in keeping with the pretty little piece of humbug they propose carry- ing on ; for it is in the minutiae of these things this sort of gentry, acute as they are, generally fail ; in fact, do not carry the thing through. Perhaps they consider that the man who sleeps with one eye open, do what they will, is not to be had ; and that those who keep both on the full stretch, and yet see nothing, will not notice these little discrepancies, as some people look at a picture, which, provided the green " is bright enough, and the yellow golden enough," cannot see the want of keeping in the tout ensemble. I conclude a something of this opinion actuates the manager and actor in our equestrian spectacles, when the attempt at the personification of a sportsman is made to give effect to the song, " Hie-ho Chevy, this day a stag must die ! " Now (by way of parenthesis) let me observe in the first place, that with gentlemen who don the pink the idea does not suggest itself that the stag must die ; " THEY IMITATED NATURE SO ABOMINABLY." 323 in point of fact, if he is a game one, they determine that he must not die if it can be prevented. If this was not the feeling among sportsmen, I must indeed have been a glorious fool for on one occasion nearly drowning myself and horse in saving one in Virginia Water, and many no doubt will think me one for so doing. The only plea I can offer such folks in exte- nuation of what they term folly is, that, upon my soul, I would not have run the same risk to save them, and what is more, faithfully promise I never will. But to return to our " Hie-ho Chevy " friend. How- ever magnificently or classically melodramas may be got up now, the moment they attempt to repre- sent a fox-hunter or jockey they utterly fail. Did ever eyes behold a man appropriately dressed as a fox- hunter on any stage? Mine never have. From Ham- let to Crack in " The Turnpike Gate," as mortals ; from Juno to Ganymede, as heavenly bodies and heavenly little bodies some are who represent them (I have often wished to prove them earthly) all are well and ap- propriately dressed. Then why not dress a sportsman appropriately ? The non-judges would not like him the less, and the judges would be more interested. Conceive John Kemble as Coriolanus bearding the Yolscians in a Chesterfield and Wellingtons ! We will suppose a fox- hunter is to come on : let me see if I can come at all near the thing by description. First, we hear the cracking of a whip in the side- scenes, quite as loud and continued, but not half as well done as that of a postilion's arriving from Mar- seilles or any other Continental town : then we are treated with sundry yoyks, or yikes, or yohikes, or some such unheard-of, and let us hope never-to-be- heard again, sounds. Gods of hunting ! what would T 2 324 " THIS A TOLEDO ! PSHAW." old Forester (whose Life has been written by THISTLE- WHIPPER as we never read the life of a Foxhound written before, and I fear never may see anything of the sort written again) what would old Forester say ? Why he would worry the bagsman But hold hard ! here he comes, while his Westminster- bridge cheer is repeated with ecstasy by some scores of " most sweet voices " in the gallery (Mem. glori- ous English liberty this). " Tallyho ! there he is!" and a pretty devil it is as a representation of one of the first flight at Ashby Pasture. Why, the very grass would look blue if it saw him there ; Kirby Gate would open of itself; and Whissendine run dry to let the apparition have free escape. Now " Hie-ho Chevy," being a Stangate Street foxhunter, thinks he is acting up to the spirit of his part by putting on the look and carriage of a half-and-half hostler and one of the swell mob. Then for his toggery : his coat may probably be well made that is, if he did not order it, but had sense enough to buy it second-hand in Holy well Street; if on the contrary, depend on it it will be a rum one. Why then, as poor Brummell said, "my dear fellow, do you call this thing a coat ? " though, after this observation being made, he might not derive the same advantage I did from a waistcoat of mine not pleasing this once leader of ton. I was going to dine with him : he scanned my dress all over : I conclude he thought it bearable till he saw my waist- coat. " My dear fellow," says he, " you must excuse me, and let me take a liberty with you. I cannot dine and look at that waistcoat : it is a mere body-case. I should fancy old times were returned, and my dinner was dressed by some wretch who cooked A TILE AND A TIE. 325 when people ate roast beef. I must positively hide it." He took me to his dressing-room, and made me admissible by giving me one of his own, making mine play the part of under-vest. Poor Brummell! sic transit gloria mundi ! I was quite a young one at the time, but had I been forty he would have done the same thing. Now " Hie-ho's " hat I did not begin with the head in this case, no matter why if he wishes to be " warmint," he sports a shallow, a regular Jonathan, which he conceives looks like " going a-head ; " or, if he thinks his friend Mr. Lutestring (who alvays ires a orse to see the Easter Monday's turn-out) knows how to do the thing, he gets the loan of his identical hunting hat ; and a very smart hat indeed it is, with a full yard of inch-wide satin ribbon as a check-string. His tie he thinks he must not show a white, be- cause Dominie Sampson does in " Guy Mannering " (so does Jem Kobinson, but he does not know this) ; nor must he sport a black, because William does in " Black-eyed Susan : " he might see such a thing at Barkby Holt and other places ; this he does not know either : not by-the-by that I think black looks well with a hunting coat, but many first goers do : a blue or green with a white dot he could not bear, be- cause the bird's-eye is sported by fighting men ; so this must be low : he therefore takes one, relying on the taste of his Ladye love, and which quite accords with his own : he exhibits his bit of silk, a peach- blossom ground, light green cross-barred, with scar- let and blue transverse stripes. This is a tie ! By George ! I should tumble off if I got on a horse with it on. Now for his waistcoat : the bare mention of a plain Y 3 326 " OH NO ! WE NEVER MENTION buff kerseymere would sicken him ; a narrow stripe would annihilate him at once : no, no : his is a waist- coat Wellington-blue satin, checked with amber and crimson stripe. This looks warm and comfortable, consequently fit for a hunting waistcoat ! " Very like a whale ! " Now his unmentionables. Why things should be unmentionable that modesty causes us to wear, I know not : they say ladies introduced the term qucere, what do they consider the mentionables ? I must learn this. However, he wears the unmentionables so may ever those be who manufactured them unless positive orders were given for tourniquets for the nether parts. But the artist knowing good stiff cor- duroy is not famous for its yielding properties, has very wisely left them quite easy at the knees, thus giving his customer's very much the resemblance of those of an ostrich, who is, I conceive, not celebrated for sym- metry in his legs and knees : but to remedy this, a full allowance of ribbon is permitted to tighten the knee-band, leaving still sufficient to hang to the bot- tom of the boot-top. Now as to tops. " Hie-ho Chevy " certainly would have sported the moveable sort ; but as he never means to soil them, it is no matter. Where or how he got the boots altogether Heaven knows ! there are not half-a-dozen men in London who can turn out a top-boot. He certainly did not get them of any of these ; and as I trust there is but one who could make such a pair as his, I admire his indefatigability in ferretting him out. It is true the tops are as white as putty- powder and pipeclay can make them ; and as the lower parts were blacked and polished off the leg, and had the finishing touch on, the polish is really good : " TAKE HIM ALL IN ALL, WE SHALL NOT LOOK," &C. 327 he has heard a sportsman's dress should be easy (in this I quite agree with him) ; so he carries it to his boots, which are made with a nice easy calf to them ; but, to prevent their getting down, they are held up by a strap taking all four of the knee buttons ; so they hang like a travelling carpet-bag hung up by one handle. Then the Brummagems : it certainly has been the style for years to wear them drooping on the heel (why, I know not, if they are intended for use) ; but friend " Chevy " does more : he has his under-straps made particularly short; so, from letting the spurs droop " a la mode" they look like a pair of Yeomanry formidables, with an extra length of shank to them. I think we have now dressed him. Then the ease with which he wears his harness, and harness it is to him : for a man unaccustomed to wear top-boots and breeches moves as much at home in them as I should in the dress of a Deal boatman ; but such as he is, there he is. Prelude of horns during which "Chevy" takes the accustomed walk backwards and forwards: all singers do ; so do the leopards and panthers in Womb- well's cages. The eleven-months-in-the-year inhabit- ants of London are satisfied they have seen the beau- ideal of a foxhunter, and the fac-simile of the Marquis of Waterford, or some such an out-and-outer. Ye Gods ! the Marquis dressed to mount Yellow Dwarf like such a thing ! " Name it not in Gath," still less in Melton. " Chevy " now sings his song, and if he would leave out the " halloos," and keep his enormous whip quiet, he would doubtless acquit himself well in this part of the business. Having done so, the manager treats Y 4 328 " THEREBY HANGS A TAIL/' him to a ride, and his hunter is led on. He does not come on as Captain Koss's Clinker would have done, sneaking along as if he was ashamed of himself : no, you hear " Chevy's " hunter coming ; and when he does come, there's fire for you ! If the Noble Marquis I have mentioned should happen to be present, he would see no common brown horse with a scanty tail like Old Harlequin ; no ; here is a beautiful piebald, with a tail large enough (when short ones were the go in the Market Harborough country) to have tailed a whole field. Of the tailing there would be little doubt if " Chevy " was there. But I can go no further ; the hunter produced is a choker for me, a regular stopper ; so we will return to the horses advertised. If we were endued with the curiosity some folks possess, instead of going to the stables, we should go to the house door and make some inquiries ; but this would be as injudicious in our case as going behind the scenes would be at new pantomimes : it would dispel the illusion at once ; for there we should pro- bably be told the family were out of town, but that the stables were let for a month to Captain, Major, or perhaps Colonel Somebody, and that the pro temp. Charge-d 1 Affaires at the house knew nothing of any horses advertised for sale. This proceeding would be well enough if we merely wished to learn if the adver- tisement was genuine ; but as we are satisfied on that point, and merely go to see how the thing is done, it would be unnecessary. It may be asked whether the advertisers have no fear that such in- quiries may be made? In one sense they do fear it; another not at all : they fear it, as those who do inquire will not become their victims, but from no other cause, for few persons would think it worth their " UP, BOYS, AND AT 'EM." 329 while to go and abuse the soi-disant Major or Colonel as a rogue and a swindler : you could not have the satisfaction of calling a blush to his face, and all you could get would be a bullying from him and his : and as to exposure, could you expose him to nineteen parts of the population within the Bills of Mortality, provided you leave him the remaining twentieth, he would find gulls enough among them to serve his turn. These fellows do get abused, exposed, threaten- ed, warned off, turned out, and a hundred other things : their plot does often get smoked ; and some- times the place gets too hot to hold them. What then! they go somewhere else, and coelum animum non mutant; so they up and at 'em again, and Mr. Green does come at last. These facts have flashed across our minds as we walked up the Mews, and we are quite prepared to draw our conclusions (were they not already drawn) from the cut of the attendants and the stable altogether. If they were the stables of a lady or gentleman, we should be received by a respectable man as coachman, groom, or at least helper, or perhaps by all three. Their proper and civil demeanor would show they were what their ap- pearance bespoke : they, or he, would without hesita- tion state their employer's name, how long they had had the horses, from whom they had been bought, how they had been used, why they were sold, and at once state their prices. If one or more were approved of, they would offer to lead them out, and would probably be authorised (if the horses did belong to a lady) to refer you to some gentleman who would give you any further information. Then the stable, if that of a lady or gentleman, it will have a used look about it, clean and well done, but everything 330 " A COOSTOMER, A COOSTOMER." about it would show it had been long inhabited ; the beds tidy and comfortable, but nothing remarkable either way neither plaits behind the horses as a show-off on the one hand, nor any appearance of neglect, as if one man did the whole business, on the other. The thing would be all in keeping : the horses would wear the same clothing (at least as far as pattern) ; those and the head-collars would show they were made by the same person : so if we look into the coach-house and harness-room, if there is one, we shall find harness of all sorts, saddles, bridles, girths, spare clothing, spare parts of harness, bits, &c. hung up all round. Now had Rascal and Co. had the precaution to carry on the thing so well as to have got together all this, unless we had called at the house, I allow I should be a little staggered on opening the stable door, and have thought it possible I had condemned the advertisement somewhat hastily, and should per- haps go far enough to make some inquiries as to its being genuine. But the moment we open the door, as the thing is here done, no inquiry is necessary. The instant the latch is lifted, or a knock made at the door, we hear a bustle. This proceeds from the horses, which are up to the very mangers at once as quick as " attention " ever produced a simultaneous movement in a company on parade ; and farther, from the very bad imitation of a respectable servant in the fellow who is to play that part, having nothing to do but to keep watch, jumping from off the corn-bin or from the side of one of the horses' beds, where he was in a kind of lie or sit " at ease " position, from which the " attention " aforesaid calls him as quickly as it does the horses. If this should happen to be a really MINOR SCOUNDREL AND MAJOR SCOUNDREL. 331 knowing fellow, he either tells a long tale, arid a plausi- ble one ; or as this is attended with some danger, from fear any discrepancy may arise between what he may think proper to say and what (when he comes) the Major or Colonel may say, he represents himself as only the helper ; the coachman is out (of course) ; but the said helper is quite AT HOME, though " he does not know much about the horses as he has only lately come ;" but the Major or Gentleman, will be here in a few minutes, as he always comes at o'clock. Of course he does come immediately, as he would at any other hour, being always in ambush in some public- house that commands the Mews : if not, he has some one sent to let him know when any one goes to the stable. Now our friend Kascal does not take the principal character here, for they could not make the greenest of the green mistake him for a gentleman, or a Major (unless it might be a ci-devant Major of the Venezuela Brigade) : no ; Eascal takes the lower characters in the by -play, and here enacts the part of Quickener again (in some character) if he is wanted ; but the principal is some scamp, who was probably a croupier at some low gambling house till he was kicked out of it, or low better on the turf till no one would bet with him, having varied his avocations by a little general swindling, occasional horse-dealing, playing bully to some fair demirep, and probably not refusing a watch if it chooses to jump into his hand. Still, as gentlemen throw themselves at times into strange situations in our little Metropolitan Village, he has seen enough of them to get a certain knowledge of dress and address, which lasts till something occurs to draw him out. Then the knowledge he has of words, and the multitudinous selection of epithets he 332 FIRING A VOLLEY. possesses, brings out the lowest abuse distilled from his lips about a thousand above proof, and he stands confessed the ruffian, the bully, and the blackguard. Now, as the great part of the principals in these sort of advertisements are composed of such fellows, it is no matter of surprise that so many are victimised by them, and that those who are not should not wish to contaminate their name by bringing them to account, and thus they escape. Major, on coming, desires one of the horses to be brought to him at Long's, Miller's, Mivart's, or some other hotel that in ordinary cases stamps Aristocracy on its patrons. This further shows he has authority to act. He does not notice the strangers but by a distant bow, and this he makes like a gentleman. On your mentioning your object in coming, his quick eye has scanned you well while he was issuing his orders, and he then regrets his poor friend's state of health, speaks of her horses as all that can be desired in horses ; and if he sees this take, he will tell you you are welcome to see this or that horse or horses at the door. If he does, take it as no compliment, for depend upon it he would not volunteer the thing unless he fancied that he saw a something about you that in- duces him to think you will never electrify the world by your maiden speech in Parliament in short, he does not consider you la huitieme merveille du monde. As myself and my reader are now supposed to be the persons looking at these horses, we will not allow that Major did offer to show them out, but that we requested it might be done. So far as I am concerned, I trust that neither my manner nor appearance have induced him to think me quite a rogue or quite a fool. My reader I am sure he considers beyond suspicion ; " A BEGGARLY ACCOUNT OF EMPTY BOXES." 333 but I do hope and believe he sees a something about us that leads him to fear the thing WON'T DO. Now, while my reader is playing with the Major by seeing a horse out (for in our case the play is in our hands), I will just reconnoitre a little, and first take a" peep into the corn-bin. I will bet a "pony" I find a few oats in a sack : right ; it is so ; and a few cobwebs in the corner of the bin very unlike horses having stood here the last two years ! Any signs of carriages having been here lately ? No : no recent signs of occupation. Harness ? no ; but there is half a truss of hay. In the stable is one saddle, a good one, and a bridle for the Major, or any one wishing to try a horse, and another for the Major to accompany the Gentleman, besides a side-saddle, to show the mare had been used to carry a lady. The make of the latter shows me, or rather awakes my suspicions, that no woman of fortune would use it, and that consequently the beautiful dark brown mare never carried it. As a guide to this, I take the liberty of looking at the pannel, when (the Major was not awake here) I find chestnut hairs on it. Quite satisfied, I shall now join my reader, who I find enjoying the Major's distrustful appreciation of him, and his fear that the hoaxer in this case is the party hoaxed. I now cast an eye on the beautiful Lady's mare, and no great judgment is probably re- quired to cast an eye on the whereabouts the screw is loose. Major perceives at once the game is up, and says, " Perhaps, Gentlemen, you have seen enough of the mare." As far as our powers in the laconic avail us, we jointly call them up for his service, and the " Quite enough, Major," is quite enough for him. He 334 " HE COMES, HE GOES, LIKE THE SIMOOM." finds that for this turn he is, as he would say, down upon his luck ; and now " vamos por Dios," cry I, or perhaps this Don may give us a few "vivas" of the wrong sort. I have now given my reader positive proof of a system of which I had only before apprised him by words. I trust he will be very careful (from what he has seen) how he ever attends to such horse advertise- ments, and that when he does (or if he does), he has got a few hints that may be useful to him. In return, I only beg his best indulgence for my humble eiforts to interest him in what I may in future submit to his perusal. We will conclude that Major is not always so truly unfortunate in his customers as he was in our case, but that he finds some one to buy either the valuable mare or one of the greys. What then ? In a day or two the purchaser of course finds out the secret, or is told of it ; and as he is minus some seventy or eighty pounds, he seeks Major for a restitution of it : he finds the stables, no doubt, but all he can learn of Major is, " they wish they may get him," for he left without paying for the hire of them. But if it is supposed that he has for one moment balanced in his mind the separate advantages of an emigration to North Canada, the United States, New Zealand, or Australia, it is doing him great injustice : the Major is no recreant, not he. If the purchaser will only have patience for a week or so, I dare say, I can put him on his drag ; but even then, he has so many well- known earths open, it would be difficult to run in to him : and suppose one did, fingers worse bitten would be the only result : but if the finding him is really " OCH, MURPHY DELANY'S A BROTH OF A BOY." 335 wished, the following will point out our line of coun- try to the " meet." " To be sold, the property of a Gentleman, the following superior Hunters, that have been regularly hunted with the Kilkenny and Garrison Hounds. (Mem. a fresh one, as a heading.) "1. A Bay Gelding, by Napoleon, dam by Ivanhoe; equal to great weight. " 2. A Grey Gelding (Mem. the Grey Gelding now a hunter), by Freney, dam by Master Robert ; remarkably handsome, and a splendid fencer. " 3. A Brown Mare (our old friend), by Blacklock, dam by Welcome. This mare, from her magnificent fencing and racing speed, would make a tip-top steeple-chaser. "4. One of the best 16-stone covert hacks in this kingdom. (Mem. Cobby.) " The above are all sound, and the owner can be treated with. To be seen at his stables, Red Lion Yard, (some) Street, Bloomsbury:" or, perhaps, Golden Square, for such places are some of the haunts of these advertising gentlemen. Tallyho ! Go hark together ! hark together ! hark ! that's it ! the hunted fox for a thousand ! " Oh, the top of the morning to you, Major," for it's him sure enough, but now plain Mr. O'Reilly, with just a teste of the brogue and lots of the blarney. Faith, Major, you do it iligant ! But now, having found him cui bono ? You could get nothing from him but his skin, and that you are not allowed to take. He will prove these horses are not his, so all you could do would be to send or get him sent to prison mind, you paying for the gratification of so doing, IF you can do it. The gratification, however, at best would be but small, and his chagrin would be also small: he would be quite at home there, and get indulgences that some 336 INCONGRUITIES. poor fellow, sent there for purloining a loaf for a famishing family, would not have money or interest with the worthy functionaries in charge of him to obtain. But let any sensible man look at this advertise- ment, and reflect a moment, he may save himself the trouble of going : the incongruity of the thing must strike him. Is it likely a gentleman who had been hunting with the Kilkenny and Garrison Hounds would bring horses from where they were known to London, where they are not ? The members of those Hunts, and the gentlemen who hunt with them, must have changed their nature very much from what they ever have been, if they let really good hunters escape them. Then, of all places, Bloomsbury ! If I wanted an attorney GOD forbid one should want me! I might look there for him : or, if I wished to find a piano or dancing master (a cheap one), hot rolls, or (now) hot potatoes, I might go to the purlieus about Golden Square for them ! but for a hunter, I should as soon look for a zebra at Almack's. Yet people do go ! Well, it's all the same to me whether they go or not : but they will not find it all the same to them. We have seen quite enough of these sort of gentry ; but really the ramifications from their genealogical stem are so varied and extensive, that I really believe all the honest men in England could stand under the shade of one of these noble denizens of their forest ; and here comes a collateral branch. This is one of those meddling sort of gentlemen to be found in London, and particularly in every pro- vincial town in England where the horse trade is carried on extensively enough to make it worth their residence. We will call this gentleman Mr. THE BUSYBODY. 337 Meddler, and a mighty meddling troublesome fellow he is, a perfect pest to dealers and Eepositories, about whose stables he is always to be found more or less. Now, whether Mr. Meddler designates himself an agent, or what, I do not know, so I will call him a peripatetic salesman. His business (or at least what he makes his business) is, to know the appearance, qualifications, and price of every horse standing in a dealer's stable, or in those of any public establishment for sale ; and this by hook or by crook he will know, how much soever the master of either stable may wish to prevent him. But he knows a great deal more than this ; for he makes himself acquainted with every horse for sale in the neighbourhood, and also with every person wanting to purchase one for any given purpose ; so that he can very often, nay generally (if he chooses to do so), find a horse a master, and a master a horse to suit each other. Now this looks like a very useful fellow ; mais le vrai riest pas ton- jours le vraisemblable ; nor is this very useful fellow on the whole so great an acquisition to a town as some people think him. If his business consisted in saving people the trouble of looking for horses by informing them where such a horse or horses as they want are to be found, he would be a useful man, and no one would grudge him his guinea for his trouble (if they chose to employ him) ; but he does not wait for this ; he will have a feeling in every horse for sale in the town and neighbourhood, or he will use every exertion in his power to prevent its being bought, however good he may be. Having a hand in the sale of a horse is his bread, consequently it is his interest to prevent any one being sold in which he lias not a feeling. VOL. i. z 338 EATING UNNECESSARY (FOR THE POOR}. I forget now upon what occasion it was, but when Cardinal Richelieu was once personally examining some unfortunate fellow touching some treasonable practices he had been guilty of, he asked him what had induced him to venture on such things ? Now the Cardinal was not the most urbane or just the sort of man one would by choice select to be examined by on such an occasion, nor was the milk of human kind- ness so redundant in his composition that there was any chance of its overflowing ; and thus forming (a second) milky way. The poor culprit knew this : so without any circumlocution, plainly and simply replied, as his only excuse, " Monsieur, il faut manger ! " This to some men would have been at least an extenuation, and the force of the homely argument would have been allowed. Not so the Cardinal : " Je n'en vois pas la necessite" says he. Cool, one would say, and by no means flattering : but the Cardinal, like horse- dealers, had little ways of his own, not the most agreeable to those who offended him ; and I doubt not could look grim enough in his fool's cap. Not being particular, I must say I should prefer an even- ing's assignation with a little chaperon rouge we have seen of later date. Now Mr. Meddler considers it is quite necessary to eat, though the Cardinal did not ; and eat he will, and well too, whoever pays for it. It may be wondered how such a man gets the sway he does in these things ; but it is easily accounted for. In London his powers are very limited, there being such a host of horses and customers that he can know but a small propor- tion of either, and strangers are constantly coming in ; but in provincial towns he knows every body, and every body knows him, as well as they do the market- TAKING CARE OF NUMBER ONE. 339 place; should any stranger arrive, Meddler's mo- desty will not prevent him making his acquaintance and volunteering his services ; nor does he suffer a fresh horse or two to enter the town without ascer- taining all about them. Thus it is seen that nothing of this sort can stir without his knowledge. Every- one who knows him knows this, and therefore applies to him for information and assistance, both of which he can afford, and will if he is paid for it. This is all fair enough we will say " the labourer is worthy of his hire," is an old saying, and quite a true one if we apportion the hire to the services he renders us ; but I will show where Mr. Meddler frequently is riot worthy of his hire. We will suppose any one had applied to him to find him a horse of a certain sort for a certain purpose. Meddler knows one or two, as the case may be, exactly suited to the purpose. Now the horse being so is certainly a consideration with Meddler, but a very secondary one. The first is to whom does the horse belong, and will he pay him for selling him for him as much as he pleases to think he ought to get ? If "yes," the purchaser is immediately taken to both horse and owner : if " no," he will not be taken ; but, on the contrary, if another, who Meddler knows will pay, has a horse not half so well adapted to the purchaser's views, to him he will be taken ; for, mind, being well paid by one party will not suit Meddler : no, he must be paid by both, and paid well. His business there- fore is to take his employer where he can do the best for himself, not where he can do best for the employer ; and thus he is not always the safest gentleman in the world to trust to. I have rarely employed one of z 2 340 TOO MUCH OF THE PURE ELEMENT. these meddlers, preferring, as Listen said, to " mix for myself." Many people know to what this refers, but as many do not, I will mention it. Before Listen got so high in point of engagements as he afterwards most deservedly did, he had his daily pennyworth of milk taken . This got at last so very rich of the water that Liston could stand it no longer ; so next morning he made his appearance at the door with two small jugs in his hand; the milkman, supposing he wanted an extra allowance for some purpose, filled the one with the usual quantity, and was preparing to fill the second, " No," says Liston, " I have brought that for the water ; now take back this mixture, and give me half in quantity of milk ; I will mix in future for myself." Now, like Liston, whenever I have applied to a meddler, although I paid him for his time, I still chose to " mix for myself." I perfectly well knew it would depend on circumstances as to what horses he might choose to inform me of, and well knew he would not tell me of every horse he thought I should like : still he would tell me of some, and thus save me trou- ble, and as I never should be guided by what he said, he could do no harm. I made use of him, as they say the lion does of the jackal ; but after he had found the quarry, I always begged him to stand aloof, and leave me to decide how far it might suit my appetite. He may (properly appreciated) be made a useful scout, but he is not to be trusted as a counsellor. Thus much for private individuals employing meddlers ; let us see how far they affect dealers. As I have in other places said, the ill Avord of any ignoramus or malevolent fellow used against a dealer or his horse is sure to be given implicit credit to, and POINT DE GIBIER, JE VOUS EEMERC1E. 341 many a good horse is lost by people attending to such fellows. If Mr. Meddler would content himself with taking any person to a dealer's yard when he knew he had a horse in his stables to suit the customer, the dealer would of course be very happy to fee him, and would pay him handsomely for his trouble : but there is something in forced interference repugnant to one's feelings, even when no harm is meant. I think a pheasant kept to a day, and done to a turn, a capital thing : but I know I should kick confoundedly if a man attempted to ram a leg down my throat, drum- stick and all ; so, though the dealer would willingly pay any meddler for what he sold for him, he does not wish to give him the command over all the horses in his stable, and a feeling in every one sold from them : but this is what Meddler wants, and therefore will, and does, in some way abuse every horse attempted to be sold without his interference : in fact, he wants to trade on the dealer's capital, and have a certain share in the profits of each horse, though on an aver- age he is only the means of selling one in ten. The consequence would virtually be, that the dealer must wait till Mr. Meddler sold his horses for him, or give him a feeling in any one he takes the unwarrantable liberty of selling himself. Bravo, Mr. Meddler! a very modest way of constituting a little partnership, for it amounts to that. This I rather think is a little more than the dealer can afford : it is an attempt to make him swallow the pheasant's leg with a venge- ance ! But if he refuses so large a morsel, he may fully calculate on Meddler's using his most strenuous efforts to (as he would term it) choke off every cus- tomer that enters the yard. One plan would be this. I have said he is always hanging about to see what is z 3 342 CUTTING IN AND CUTTING OUT. going forward : he is not always seen in the yard ; but is enough there to know every horse in it, and somewhere about his price. Well ! he sees a gentleman looking at one there. Knowing the horse, he knows at once the^ description of animal wanted : he does not of course openly interfere in this case, or even suffer himself to be seen if he can prevent it : he has had a glimpse of the horse from the street, and that is enough for him. The gentleman leaves the yard : if he has so closed the bargain as to be unable to be off it, or, as Meddler says, to be choked off, Mr. Med- dler has lost his chance : but very probably the cus- tomer may not have quite done this : my life on it Meddler trots after him. " Beg your pardon, Sir, I saw you looking at a horse in 's yard. I know the horse very well ; he was bought (so and so) : I don't wish to interfere I'm sure, but I know a horse would suit you exactly : he belongs to a PRIVATE GEN- TLEMAN " (or TRADESMAN, as the case may be). He takes the customer to see the horse or others, if he can persuade him to do so : in fact, having got hold of him, he never leaves him if he can help it ; and thus takes a customer from the dealer, and, further, secures one for himself. Thus are these sneaks the bane of dealers. It is true they may order Mr. Meddler not to enter their yard ; but then, in certain situations, by making such a man an enemy, his tongue can (and it will not be his fault if it does not) do an incredible deal of mischief; so the dealer is forced to bear the nuisance, and manage as well as he can, by from time to time throwing a sop to these Cerberi. At fairs you will be sure to find Meddler: he is either taken there by, or goes to meet, some dealer from a distance ; the dealer is aware Meddler knows IF YOU PLAY WITJ I A CAT BEWARE OF HEll CLAWS. 343 the horses of value, or at least a great part of them likely to be there. Here he is useful, for he saves the dealer trouble and time, and can probably give him the history of many he looks at. Here he does not make it a sine qua non to be paid by loth parties, though in most cases he contrives to be so ; for the dealer buying a number makes the day's work a good one to Meddler, supposing he only got what he gives him, and he would be afraid to play tricks with this employer ; for though this dealer not having suffered at home by Mr. Meddler's interference, is very good friends with him, and treats him to his dinner and bottle of wine, he knows how to appreciate him, and mostly uses him as a useful tool that he knows dare not turn its edge on him. At Repositories and public auctions Meddler is again met. To a repository he is a positive curse, for the owner of it must either pay him, or he will indiscri- minately abuse every horse there, for these of all places Meddler detests the most. The dealer is culpable enough in his eyes for presuming to sell a certain number of horses without him : what then must be his absolute loathing of a place where such numbers are sold without him ? He hates its very walls ; he knows he cannot be always paid here, for it would look rather odd to any person, on being paid for a horse sold there, to find, in addition to the regular commission, an item, "Paid Mr. Meddler 21. com- mission." The customer might be uncourteous enough to say, "Who the devil is Mr Meddler ?" The owner of the Repository might feelingly enough say, " Why, he is the devil:' 7 but I do not think this would satisfy the customer. We shall, I am sorry to say, have occasion to mention Mr. Meddler again, as I now z 4 344 IF YOU GO TO THE RIGHT YOU GO WRONG. propose to do myself the honour of introducing my reader to Repositories. I have been obliged, in accordance with what I pro- posed in commencing these Hints on Horse Dealers in general, to dwell for some time on the acts and habits of the lowest of the low, and, to carry the thing out, to quote their sentiments, language, and expressions. I fear the task is not yet quite complete ; it will, there- fore (if only for a time), be a relief to get into a respectable place, and to meet a respectable man. I shall therefore begin by taking my reader to Osbora's "Harry Osborn's." We may be now supposed to have arrived at a spot where we have Gray's Inn, Yerulam Buildings, with sundry other buildings and courts (all inhabited by gentlemen of the law), to our right (quite right to leave them there) and the Repository on our left. Some person may say that I have brought my reader into a very pretty dilemma; for, turn which side he may, he has a very fair chance of being done. What might be the result of turning to the right I cannot say ; but by taking the other turn, I will answer for his coming out unscathed. Besides, there is another thing to be considered : if he should not like this place, he need not go there again a sequitur not always to be relied on by those who pay a visit to the other. " In medio tutissimus ibis" they say : now, if we did this, we should run plump into a brewery ; and really I am not certain, that, if we were tempted to take a solution of cocculus indicus, it would be altogether so safe an alternative. " Quanti vivono in questo mondo alle specie di questo e di quello /" This may be applied to all three places ; so we will at once turn into Osborn's. NOT SO BLACK AS HIS NEIGHBOURS. 345 Reader, do you see that elderly person in a plain frock-coat, with a pair of shoes, or boots, whose soles would create wonder even with a Folkstone fisher- man ? That is Mr. Henry Osborn in the vocabulary of his old customers, arid many very old customers he has, "Harry Osborn" by whom, if your appearance and address proclaim you a gentleman, I will answer for it you will be received with the deference due to your rank in life; or if they denote your being merely a respectable man, you will be treated with the atten- tion and civility due to a customer. (Mem. no light blue satin cravats worn ; no champagne talked about, though a bottle might be routed out on occa- sion.) Osborn does not call himself a gentleman; but, I tell you what, he will very soon judge whether his customer is one or not. I think I am justified in calling this the first com- mission stable in England, for two reasons I believe Osborn was the first who devoted himself exclusively to this branch of the horse trade, and that he has in this way sold more horses than any other man in existence. I am not going to write a panegyric on Mr. Osborn : but so far as I know of him and I knew him, and he sold horses forme, and to me, when I was a mere boy I can only say, were I in London, and wanted a horse, to him / should go ; and I be- lieve, greatly to his credit be it said, the greater part of his old customers who have left him have left the world also. Having shown my reader a Repository where I consider the business is carried on as fairly as the nature of that business will allow for, in road phrase, a little "shouldering" will creep into the best regulated Repositories 1 will endeavour to show 346 HONEST MEASURES. what might be done in one where a man intends to do. All persons who are not amateurs of horses are much more suspicious of those whose business lies in that way than those who are ; but, unluckily, their suspicions are seldom directed to the right point : so, not knowing what to guard against, these suspicions do them no good. The chief apprehensions I have heard people express in sending a horse to a commis- sion stable for sale are, first, that he will be cheated of his proper feeding ; and, secondly, that the owner of the stables will keep the horse unsold for the advan- tage he derives from the livery expenses. Nothing can be more futile or groundless (in a general way) than both these apprehensions ; not from any honesty on the part of the owner or his subordinates if either or both are inclined to be tricky, but from other causes. With respect to the feeding: this is done by the foreman, who, in large establishments, generally goes at the regular feeding hours with a corn-barrow to the different stables: here he gives to the man or men, according to the number of horses, a feed for each. Thus the foreman cannot cheat the horses without the knowledge of the strappers; and he values his berth too much to put himself in their power ; for if he did, he would soon become under them instead of their being under him. As he dare not keep back corn for his own advantage, you may depend upon it he would not do so for that of his master, unless directed by him to that effect : and this he would not be, for then he would have it in his power to expose his employer. So, even supposing the whole lot master, foreman, and strappers to be rogues } the fear of each other in this particular PENNY WISE AND POUND FOOLISH. 347 keeps them honest. Now the strappers the gener- ality of whom I give full credit for being quite dis- posed to pillage both master and customer if they can do so with impunity if they could carry the corn home in lieu of giving it to the horses, there is little doubt but they would do so ; but the horses are seen feeding by other eyes, as well as those of the man directly in charge of them ; so he must give them their feed : and supposing he did crib a portion from each, oats are a bulky article in proportion to their value, and could not be conveyed away in any quan- tity. A few to feed a rabbit or hen or two is the most that could be got off: and supposing this done, the quantity taken from six or seven horses could never affect them. The customer has another guarantee against his horse not getting his feeding. These helpers always look to getting some little reward if a horse is sold or taken away, provided he looks as if he had had j ustice done him ; and this they are quite sure they will not get if he looks the reverse : so, depend on it, they would be more likely to rob their master of his corn than your horse. There is one way in which he may come off second best ; but if he does, it is your fault ; so I give you a hint that may be useful. If you are known as one who gives a shilling, or not anything, where half-a-crown would be advan- tageously given to a helper, so sure as your horse is a horse half his oats will be cribbed from him and given to that of some one who pays properly. Pay properly, and you need be under no fear of any want of attention to your horse. Under all circumstances, pay servants, not lavishly, but liberally: it is not only justice, but economy in the long run. I have never been in the habit of keeping horses at livery unless for a day or two, or if sent for sale ; but whether in 348 A PUBLIC CONVENIENCE. these cases or at inns (where I was known) I always found my horses made as comfortable as in their own stables, whatever other people's might be. Even a shilling extra will do this, and it is a very cheap mode of preventing coughs, colds, and cracked heels. Now for the other apprehension, of a horse being kept unsold for the sake of his livery. This is a thing rarely done ; but when he is so kept, it is for a much more rascally purpose than the paltry consideration supposed. No, no ; if you are intended to be robbed, depend on it, it will be done to a much larger tune than a few oats, or the five or six shillings per week profit on the livery. We will suppose a person has been unfortunate enough to send a horse to a Repository for private sale where the master (who we will call Mr. Nickem) is as great a rogue as you could desire : of course, the result would depend a great deal on who sent him there, and how far he knew and was known to under- stand how to guard against any tricks that might be wished to be played him. We will, however, suppose in this case the horse to be sent by some one knowing about as much of Nickem's practices as the generality of persons do of those of many of the Repositories for the private sale of horses. In large provincial towns there is also often a weekly sale by auction : now this is really a very great convenience, as it affords the seller the choice of being done privately or publicly, and effectually by either mode. But before I proceed further with Mr. Nickein and his Repository, I must make a little digression, in order to answer two more observations I have heard made as complaints against the owners of Reposi- tories ; for let every man have justice at all events. THE DANGER OF GIVING AN OPINION. 349 The one is, that you can never get them to tell you what they think your horse is worth or likely to bring : the other, that they will not tell to whom the horses or any particular horse belongs that may be standing with them for sale. This, I grant, looks like a want of candid, fair, and straightforward conduct ; in fact, looks like a little hocus-pocus, that causes suspicion with the inquirer. It is quite true that the observa- tion is a correct one ; and equally so, that, till it is explained, it has a very suspicious look. Doubtless this concealment is frequently made for nefarious pur- poses, but not always : in fact, except in particular cases it is necessary, and that necessity arises more from the fault of the customer than the salesman. We will suppose a gentleman takes a horse to show any owner of a Repository, and values him (as a middling price) at sixty: he asks Mr. what he thinks the horse is worth : we will just see the predicament Mr. would put himself in if he gave his opinion. If he stated that he considered the horse worth more than the owner did, the latter would be afterwards disappointed, and consider him- self ill-used if on further inspection it was found the horse would not bring that sum ; indeed, he would most probably consider some chicanery had been used towards him : and if, on the contrary, the salesman valued him at less than the owner (and which in most cases he might very fairly do), he would be set down either as a bad judge or a rogue ; and very probably the owner would at once ride away, hoping to find a more promising market. Now, though a good judge will go very near the mark as to the value of a young sound fresh horse in a fair, it is not generally this description of horse that is sent to a Repository : on 350 CANDOUR SOMETIMES INJUDICIOUS. the contrary, they are mostly horses that have been used, and their value depends chiefly on their merits: consequently a horse of this sort may, when he comes to be ridden or driven, be worth ten or twenty pounds more or less than he looks when merely a cursory glance is taken of him. If a horse looking worth we will say forty pounds is found on mounting him to go away (in stable phrase) with his knee up, can trot at the rate of fifteen or sixteen miles an hour, and goes over the stones as safe and firm as on the high road, such a hack is worth a hundred to many people, and would bring it : whereas, if on the contrary, he went shoving his feet along as if he was trying whether the stones were slippery or not, twenty pounds and a cart is his value and place : in fact, there are many who, like me, would not accept him as a gift. This is not to be ascertained by a horse being merely rode up to a stable door ; though a keen eye will form an opinion even by this, and probably will be to a great extent correct. But we are not to suppose that any man will take the trouble to try your horse merely for the pleasure of giving you his opinion of him, and which would very likely be that he is a brute. It might be very candid to tell you so, but it would not be business, and, tell it as civilly as such a thing could be told, the only consequence and thanks that would arise would be, the horse would not be left for sale ; and a man cannot afford to pay two or three hundred a-year for premises merely to show you how candid he is. In nineteen cases out of twenty, therefore, a man is quite justified in declining to value a horse brought to him for sale. The owner ought to know his value : if he does not, when he comes to be shown to the public, that will very shortly enlighten him in ~ SOME FOLKS MAY BE TOO WELL KNOWN. 351 this particular ; for though this man or that may not be a judge of such matters, the public is, and a very good one. Now we will see why it would be injudicious to state to whom horses for sale belong. Owners very frequently do not wish this to be done, for various reasons ; but if they did, and the salesman was to tell this, the consequence would be, what I dare say the generality of persons never dreamt of he would be lucky if he got his commission on half the horses he sold. It may be said that gentlemen will not be guilty of ungentlemanlike acts. To this doctrine on a broad scale I fully subscribe ; but I must also say there are a great many who will. Besides this, all the horses sent to a Repository are not sent by gentlemen, nor are they all gentlemen who treat for them : conse- quently, unless a salesman knows his customer very well, in justice to himself he must take care that he does not give the opportunity for such things taking place ivith him. I will answer for it that Osborn would tell me (and doubtless many others of his cus- tomers if they chose to ask him) to whom any horse belonged, unless desired not to do so : nay further, if I wished to purchase a horse in his stables, and more was asked for him than I thought he was worth, he would tell me (for he has done it) " I am not autho- rised to take less than I ask you ; but he belongs to Mr. So-and-so : if you like to go to him, you may, and if he chooses to take less I can have no objection." But before he would do this, he would know his cus- tomer, and feel quite certain no mean advantage would be taken. Depend on it he would not do this by a stranger: and, what is more, would take still greater precaution in doing it to many he does know. 352 A DIRTY TRICK. It seems very natural a rnan should wish to learn all he can of a horse he wishes to buy; and this in- duces many persons who do not intend any unfairness to ask to whom he belongs not by-the-by that I consider the owner as a certain source of correct in- formation on the subject : in many cases quite the re- verse ; still, to get to the owner seems to many persons the great desideratum, forgetting, that if the salesman's interest in selling a horse is three pounds, probably in point of convenience or money the owner's is three times as much : consequently, he has three times as much interest in deceiving the buyer ; and if a pur- chaser expects an owner to tell him the faults or any faults of his horse, he expects a great deal more than I should. This, however, does not explain how a salesman is likely to suffer by being, as the purchaser would wish, candid ; but the following case does. A. finds out by some means that a horse standing at a Repository belongs to B. A. has been asked, say fifty pounds ; away he posts to B. ; tells him he has been looking at his horse, and is disposed to buy him ; that he has offered thirty-five, which has been refused. Now if the salesman had sold the horse at forty, B. would have received thirty-eight, so A. and B. lay their heads together, and conclude the bargain by B. taking thirty- seven. This is only one pound less than he would have got had the horse been sold by the salesman at forty : so the liberal pair concoct this little arrange- ment between them. B. sends for his horse home ; of course says nothing of his being sold ; merely pays for keep, and thus, although he was sold through the connection of the salesman, and from being seen and shown at his establishment, he is thus done out of his DOING EVEN THE DOERS. 35$ commission. I hope, nay I do not doubt, there are many who would think that few such underhand fellows as A. and B. are to be met with : this is, how- ever, very wide of the fact : for the truth is, not only are A. and B. to be met with, but we may go on to L., and find personality to answer to each letter. This, being about the middle of the alphabet, brings it to what I say, that by letting buyers and sellers meet, the salesman would lose half his commission : so the man is obliged to give ambiguous and evasive an- swers to prevent himself suffering from the meanness and avarice of those from whom one might expect at least fairness of conduct : but so in truth it is. Another trick is sometimes played a salesman. Some fellow, half dealer and half gentleman, brings three or four horses to a Repository for sale : he takes care to ask such a price for his horses that it is next to impossible for the salesman to sell them at it. If he does happen to do so, well and good : in that case he would get his commission ; indeed, he could not be kept out of it : but at any thing like a fair price he will not ; for it is managed in this way. The owner, or his man, are one or the other constantly by the side of the horses ; consequently not one can be shown without those worthies knowing all about it. The horse is liked, but the price asked by the salesman precludes his being sold by him. But the owner gets at the gentleman, who of course does not trouble himself about the salesman's commission, and thus buys the horse of the owner, who agrees to bring him to the purchaser's stable ; he gets paid for him ; and here again the salesman is done. If the owner thinks there is a probability of his being found out at this, all he does is to take his other horses somewhere else ; VOL. T. A A 354 SCANNING A NEW FACE. so even Nickem is done sometimes. It may be said no one pities Mm, nor do I, for he does other people often enough ; but it accounts for why a salesman, whether a rogue or a respectable man, evades letting people into the knowledge of to whom horses -belong ; and this is all I intended to do. We will now return to the supposed case of a horse being sent to Nickem to sell. The reader must bear in mind that we are now sending him to a man who, from the moment any horse comes into his clutches, sets out with the determination to get all that can fairly, or unfairly, be got out of him for his own benefit ; and to do Nickem justice, he is no petty- larceny rogue ; he will not descend to rob your horse, though he will ascend pretty high in the scale of in- genuity to rob you. Now there is no great ingenuity in robbing in a common vulgar way ; but to rob so as to avoid suspicion, and even to induce your victim to return and be robbed again, requires no little tact ; and this is Nickem's forte. If (which is the general mode) a horse is sent to a repository by a servant, with a note stating, his particulars and price, the first thing Nickem does is to cast an eye on him, to judge a little what degree of trouble he is worth ; that is, not whether he is to be treated better or worse, but what quantum of chicanery it seems probable it will be worth while to employ against him, or rather his master. If a common twenty or twenty-five pound brute, that is about worth the money asked and no more, he is merely put up in the stable, takes his chance of sale (and he really gets a chance), for Nickem would say of him in reference to his not coming in for his share of roguery, about the same as the man affectionately BOXING THE NEW COMER. 355 said to his wife, who fondly remarked the difference of his conduct to that of his neighbour, who thrashed his rib about three times a week, " I'm d d if I thinks you worth it." We will, however, suppose the horse brought to be a clever nag, and eighty is asked for him: Nickem thinks this a price he can get for him : he by no means, however, intends to do so ; that is, while the horse belongs to the present owner, and here is a case where a horse will be purposely kept unsold, though not for the advantage of his livery profits. No ! if Nickem can get him himself, by nominally selling him to some coadjutor for sixty, he expects to make twenty ; if for fifty, thirty ; and of course, if he is to be had for forty, just that sum would go into Nickem's pocket short what he may be forced to give his friend if he employs one : if not, he pouches the whole. Now this is better than livery, or saving a bushel of oats worth three shillings : and men have been placed in such situations, by a regularly concerted plot, as to be willing to take such a reduction as forty in eighty, ay, and will again, and thank Nickem too for the trouble he has taken. " The horse has been unlucky certainly," says the owner, " and I lose a great deal of money by him ; but neither you nor I can help that." Certainly the owner cannot ; but I rather opine Nickem could have helped it, and by not doing so has helped himself pretty handsomely. With such a horse, on his arrival the first thing to be done is to get him out of sight till Nickem has privately thoroughly overhauled him. This is very easily done by putting him in a box : two men are immediately set about him, clothes and bandages brought, lots of warm water, &c. This is the A A 2 356 DOING THINGS COMFORTABLY. beginning of " slaying the innocents." The horse being put up, groom gets half-a-crown to get his glass of brandy- and- water after his journey ; so he is made comfortable, as well as his horse : and as by this time the nagsman and he have become acquainted, he goes to make himself comfortable also ; and while they are doing this, nagsman (who does not want to be told his business,) sucks the groom's brains, and learns all he knows about the horse, and any others in his master's stable. There is then a con- siderable shaking of hands, groom takes his saddle on his back, goes off by coach, and the horse is left like a boy at school, the difference being, however, that the boy often learns very little, whereas the horse will learn a good deal : the master also (if not in the higher branches of education) will get a lesson so far as pounds, shillings, and pence go. The groom, on going home, represents all this, and Mr. Nickem's having ordered him into a " capital box after his jour- ney." The master is of course pleased with this. " It was very careful and attentive of Mr. Nickem ! " Very ! The coast being now clear, the next morning, before any customer comes in, Nickem has the horse out, sees his paces, examines him minutely as to soundness, and gets the nagsman on him ; if a hunting-like horse, or represented as one, sees him over a fence or two, and the bar, and also in his gallop : if he is stated to be a harness-horse, he sees him in that : if he is not so represented, but he considers as a harness- horse he would sell well, he has him carefully tried. Even his behaviour while the harness is being put on will show to an experienced eye how far he is likely to go quiet : if he seems good-tempered, he is just put into a break; a hundred yards suffices : Nickem now UDE OUTDONE. 357 knows what the master does not, namely, whether he is ^likely to make a harness-horse. This in some horses puts on or takes off twenty, perhaps thirty pounds in their value, and this is all done without any exposure to servants. True enough, they know quite well what game is going on, but their place is too good to lose by talking ; and if they did, what could they say further than that " master had tried the horse in every way ! " If even the owner caught the horse under this trial, a lie would be ready cut and dried for him : Ude could not turn out an ome- lette aux fines Jierbes half as quickly as Nickem could a dozenplats of well-dried, highly-spiced, and seasoned fibs : " 'tis his vocation, Hal ! " He was seeing him in harness for a match for a gentleman who would buy him in a minute if he seemed likely to take to har- ness : " or, if he was being leaped, Nickem. " intends to write off immediately to a customer now he can safely say the horse leaps well : he always wishes to sell gentlemen's horses as soon as possible, so he likes to see what they can do : he can then take upon him- self to recommend them." This the owner cannot deny is very fair, proper, and indeed conscientious in Nickem. Very ! Nickem having learnt pretty nearly all he wants about the horse, he must now learn all he can about the gentleman, and see how far he is likely to go quietly or be obstreperous in the harness he intends to put on him. He plies him as to price. Probably Nickem's opinion is asked, and possibly his advice. This advice will of course be given as best suits his own interest. Before, however, he gives in this opi- nion or advice, he puts in a feeler something in this way : "Why, Sir, the price to be taken of course A A 3 358 PUTTING OUT A FEELER. remains with you, and depends a good deal upon whether you wish the horse sold as soon as possible, or whether you are disposed to hold out for price, as in that case we must wait till the right customer comes ; and also whether you are determined not to sell under a certain price ; or whether you have any objection to him, and are determined not to take him back : but in either case, you know, Sir, it is my in- terest to get the most I can, for the more you get the more I get ; so it is the interest of both to get the most we can." " Humph!" (Mem. I say humph) : the owner says, " Of course, Mr. Nickem." Now this said feeler, with the acute sensibility of touch that Nickem has, brings out more than enough to show him the present determination of the owner. I say present, because a few days and a few tricks very often alter these sort of determinations amazingly. Of course various means are employed to bring this about, varying according to circumstances. In this case, we will suppose a medium kind of determina- tion in the seller. Nickem has persuaded him he ought to take less than he asked ; and it is left that the seller is willing to make a considerable reduction rather than send the horse back. But this reduction does not amount to perhaps more than one fourth of what Nickem wants, so a beginning must be made to bring this about. We will instance one way of be- ginning. The owner and Nickem see the horse out together. In this case he is not shown so as to make his master more in love with him than he was: in short, he never saw the horse go worse. Nickem looks in so peculiar and attentive a way at the horse's going, that the seller is induced to ask his motive. Before he gives an answer (so delicately tenacious is PUTTING IN A COOLER. 359 he of saying an unpleasant thing, and so feelingly alive is he to the interest of his employer), that he says to his man, " Go down again, Jem ; give him his head ; go five miles an hour ; that'll do ; stand." He now looks at one foot, then turns to the owner : " I beg pardon for not answering before, Sir ; has this horse ever been a little tender on this foot ?" " No, never, Mr. Nickem ; there cannot be a sounder horse." " Oh, I'm sure of that, Sir, from what you say ; but I can't fancy he goes quite level now." This is feeler the second, and gets a hint how the seller will take anything of this kind : but it does more than this ; it just leaves Nickem in a situation to be able hereafter with a good grace to confess his mistake, or to prove the correctness of his eye and judgment : in fact to make the horse a sound or unsound one as he pleases. Not wishing at present to alarm the owner sufficiently to cause him to fear his horse is not in a state for sale, he now says " I see that shoe presses a little hard on the heel ; I have no doubt but that is all that is the matter. I will get his feet nicely put to rights : they will look all the better for sale, and I have no doubt the horse will be all right immediately. I will see it done myself." "(Mem. no doubt of that!) Then addressing his man, "Put a poultice on that horse's off foot, and I will get his shoes altered first thing in the morning : go in. No occasion, Sir, to make every- body as wise as ourselves : we'll set him to rights, never fear ! " Some people might think that if a shoe really pinched, the sooner it was off the better, and would have it off immediately. I should, and so would Nickem in such a case : but then the owner might be inclined to see his horse's foot pared out himself. This would not be so convenient ; though AA 4 360 PREPARING A SELLER FOR STEWING. even then the thing might be managed right, and would be, unless the owner was pretty conversant with the anatomy of feet. Nickem has really done a good deal of business in an hour. He has got ten pounds taken off the price of the horse as a beginning ; he has found out that the owner does not wish to get him back if he can at all help it ; added to which, he is requested to let him know what offer is made. This, if Nickem does not go to sleep, is ten pounds more off. He has raised something like a doubt of his perfect soundness, has got the opportunity of ascertaining this for his own private satisfaction; has the means of keeping him sound or making him an unsound one ; and has put the owner a good deal more out of humour with the horse than he was when he left his stable. Now this is doing business : some particular and illiberal people may also call it DOING customers. This is in fact the grand dish that calls forth all Nickem's ta- lent : the spiced and seasoned fibs are merely little side-dishes, adjuncts, and sauces, required to make the whole look well, and are as necessary to form his chef-d'ceuvre as the claret is to stewed carp. A really well-done customer is a glorious dish, always to be found at Nickem's table ; and, what is better, instead of costing money, puts money in his pocket. French cooks serve up glorious dishes ; but I apprehend on rather a more expensive plan. Nickem having thus put matters en train, it will now be advisable to wait a bit, and let the customer cool a little. Nothing cools colts or customers more than "standing on the bit" provided we do not keep them long enough at it to ruffle their tempers : and finding no offer made, or at least not one near the THE SELLER STEWING. 361 mark, is also as great a cooler to a seller as the patent powders are to ice-creams, chablis or champagne : the two refrigerators make them all just fit to be used ; in fact, to be taken in. After a few days, a letter is sent to the customer, post-mark (we will say) Brigh- ton, something to this effect : "Mr. Nickem, " Sir From the very strong recommendation you gave me of the bay horse I saw at your Repository on Wednesday, I am induced to make you an offer for him. If the owner is disposed to take fifty pounds, you may give it for me. This, considering he is not a horse of any known character, I think is his full value. I am, Sir," &c. Signed (of course) anybody. This additional feeler, considering it only cost a shilling to a guard to put it in the post office, is not an expensive one, and is sent, accompanied by a note from Nickem, giving it as his opinion " that it is not quite what he should recommend being taken, as by holding the horse over he is satisfied he should get a better price." This holding over, though it has cooled the custo- mer, now, like the bit, from having been kept some time on, begins to make him restless and fidgetty ; so, after reading Anybody's letter, he first d s the horse, then his ill luck, and (almost) the Repository ; but most particularly and especially the dealer from whom he bought him. " Nickem did, in fact, tell him he had given too much ! " He resolves to send his groom for the horse : then comes the after-thought of the trouble, inconvenience, and expense of this, added to the doubt of his being able to sell him at home. Then, in favour of taking the offer, comes the homely adage of making the best of a bad bargain. This is not always to be 362 THE SELLER NEARLY DONE. done ; for he has got hold of Nickem, and Nickem of him. Now, Nickeni is a bad bargain ; and it does not seem likely he will make the best of him. Again, if the horse is sold from home, no one knows for what he was sold. This is really a consideration, and a great one ; for though being conscious of our having done a foolish thing, is bad enough, it is still worse that our neighbours should be conscious of it also. So down he sits, takes his pen, d s that (though on another occasion he would have merely changed it), and then tells Mr. Nickem " that though fifty pounds is a mise- rable price for such a horse, as he has been so unlucky to him, he had better take it at once to put an end to further trouble." God help the man in his innocency ! for there is a little further trouble in store for him yet. By-the-bye, who keeps the key of this store ? I do not know ; certainly no one with any parliamentary interest, for by Jove, serving out troubles to the world is no sinecure. It may now be reasonably supposed that Nickem, having got the horse to fifty, would be disposed, nay content, to have him : not he ; have him he will, but why give fifty even, if forty will do ! u Ridiculous ! " some people may say : " is it to be supposed a man is to be further gulled, and that, thinking fifty pounds a miserable price, he will take ten pounds less ?" Yes, he will, and probably solicit Nickem to take him at that ; and we shall soon see one of the ways by which he will be made to do so. Reader ; did you ever hear of " manufacturing a corn ? " Probably not ; but I have, and I dare say should have had the thing tried with me, if I had not always perfectly well known whether any horse of THE SELLER DONE BUT NOT BROWNED. 363 mine had corns or not, and never left it to any one to determine the fact for me. But, as Nickem now finds it judicious to manufacture one, the reader will learn all about it. Nickem has perfectly satisfied himself long since that the horse was sound, and had he been offered at any time fifteen or twenty pounds more than he was authorised to take for him, he would have done so and pocketed the balance: (how this may be done without detection I shall by-and-by explain ; sufficient for the present transaction is the evil there- of:) but not having been offered this, and resolving to have him, forty is the price determined on : so now we will manufacture the corn. The smith is sent for. Nickem does not compro- mise himself to him, as you will see. " Take off that shoe : I am afraid this horse has a corn." Off comes the shoe, and the searcher is applied. " Take down both heels pretty well, so as not to disfigure the foot too much : there, now try this heel ; I am sure it is very deep-seated. Go on : ah ! I was sure of it. There, put on his shoe." The smith perfectly well knows what all this is about ; but he shoes for the place, and knows it is as much his business not to make remarks, as it is to make horseshoes and corns when either are wanted. The owner is now written to, to say his horse is sold at fifty, Nickem regretting he could not do better. The owner thanks God he is gone at all events, though the price was bad. Now this philosophy and thank- fulness is very proper and grateful ; but he is not gone ; for the next day the seller receives " Sir, I regret to say your horse has been returned to my stables, not having answered the warranty of soundness given 364 THE SELLER BROWNING. when sold. I send you Mr the veterinary sur- geon's opinion. I am, Sir," &c. " I certify I have this day examined a bay gelding, brought to me by Mr. Nickem's foreman, and find he has a corn on his off- forefoot, and is consequently unsound. " TIMOTHY TURNEMBACK, V.S. " I fear the gentleman's feelings of thankfulness will be somewhat diminished by this, whatever his philo- sophy may be. He determines personally to see into the thing that is, as far as he can, which will not be very far after all. We will leave the gentleman preparing for his jour- ney, and consider a little the ins and outs of these corn cases, for they are of very frequent occurrence. Now a corn is really the neatest, the least cruel, the most certain, and least to be disputed mode of making an unsound horse I know of. Veterinarians may give you a long account of the nature, cause, and effects of corns ; but in examining a horse, there is no need for this ; there it is, and that is enough. There is a red mark ; a corn is a red mark : and whether that has been produced by pressure, bruise, or by having cut so near the sensible part of the foot as to show the same thing, it returns the horse, and that is all Nickem wanted. It may be asked whether a Yet may not be able to tell a manufactured corn from one pro- duced by ordinary causes ? This is not my business to answer or interfere with. I have only shown what I meant that corns are made, and horses are returned in consequence of them. We will say the gentleman has arrived, and expressed his astonishment and chagrin very vehemently, and very naturally : Nickem has also expressed his chagrin very artificially: he has not expressed his astonishment, THE SELLER BEING FROTHED UP. 365 because this is the time to remind the gentleman of a little observation made by Nickem at the commence- ment of the business, and kept in reserve for use when wanted. Nickem now thinks it is wanted ; so says, " I am not so much surprised as you are, Sir, at the horse having this corn ; for if you remember, I told you when I saw him out, I thought he did not run level. When I had him shod, I did not like to cut his foot too much down to examine it ; but when the veterinary surgeon did, he saw it directly. I am sorry to find I was right after all. I wish we had had him exa- mined at first : it would have saved trouble and time." " Well," exclaims the owner in despair, " what is to be done now ? I suppose we must sell him without warranting him." "I will do that, if you please," says Nickem ; " but it will be a great loss and pity : had you not better take him home?" "Home!" cries the thoroughly tired-out customer : " no ; I'll sell him at something; will you buy him, Mr. Nickem?" - Nickem declares " he never buys a horse brought to him for sale : he always avoids that if possible. " " Well," cries the owner, " can you send for any one who will buy him at once ? " " Why, " says Nickem, " there is a man likely enough to buy him, but I must tell you he is a confounded rogue. Would you like to speak to him ? " The owner would just now speak to the Old One, if he thought he would buy his horse. Nickem opens the ball with, " Mr. Meddler, I have sold a very fine horse for this gentleman, for fifty : he has been returned for a slight corn ; will you buy him ? " Meddler shakes his head : " No, thank you, Mr. Nickem, I lost enough by the last horse you per- suaded me to buy of a gentleman." "Well," says Nickem, " but we must take off a five-pound note." 366 THE SELLER FROTHED UP AND DONE BROWN. " Yes," says Meddler, " you must take off a good many if I buys him." " Nonsense ! " exclaims the owner, now joining in : " come, what will you give for him ? " " I'd rather not make an offer," says Med- dler. By dint of persuasion, however, Meddler at last says, "Well, I'll give five-and-twenty, and no more." He then walks off. " I told you, Sir," says Nickem, " he was a rogue ; but I got a gentleman out of his horse last week by selling him to the fellow: so I hoped I could you ; but I believe he did lose ten pounds ; so he is worse than ever now." " Come now," says the gentleman, " you can get out of the horse better of course than I can : do buy him yourself. What can you afford to give me ? " After many objections, a good deal of sympathising with the owner, &c., Nickem says, " Well, Sir, if you really so earnestly wish it, I am not like Mr. Meddler ; I don't think so much of the corn as he did : indeed I should think very little of it if I had not seen the horse go a little tender when I first saw him out with you. I will take him off your hands at forty pounds ; and if you can bring any friend who will give me the forty back, he shall be very welcome to him ! " I think my reader will allow I have been as good a prophet in this as YATES. I have seen so many tricks of this sort, which have always ended very like this, that depend on it my supposed case is very near the mark. Having described some of the transactions carried on in some repositories, and brought forward Mr. Nickem in the principal character of the piece, which may be either farce or light comedy to the actors and audience, but partakes a good deal of the tragic so far as the author of the representation is concerned; MERCY IS TWICE BLESSED. 367 and who, in contradistinction from authors in general, does not feel himself under any great obligation to the performers for playing their parts so well : in fact, though he was told all was done that could be done for his benefit, it was himself who was done, and his benefit was, as I fear such things often are, no benefit to any one but the lessee of the premises. Let us, however, in charity hope, that whatever Mr. Nickem's deserts may be, he will be off the stage when we expect the . drop scene ! Our own cup of iniquity is full enough : let us, therefore, if the business of the stage demands him, mercifully direct the call-boy, wherever the culprit may be, to seek him on the 0. P. S. This shall not, however, deter us from being on our guard against his usual cast of character. To assist my reader in being so, will be my attempt in the following pages. I alluded to Nickem's managing to sell a horse for a much larger sum than he intended to hand over to the owner, and at the same time so to arrange the transaction as to shield himself from blame even should the fact come to light : but, before I explain this, jus- tice demands an observation or two on the subject. Whenever any one attempts to expose the tricks and nefarious practices of any particular business or class of men, he should be particularly careful not to allow it to be supposed that what he shows may be done, and certainly is done in some places, is the general practice in all, or that what a Nickem may do is to be expected from every man filling the same situation in life. There are doubtless many men of his avocation of great respectability, and in whom we may implicitly trust. We may never be so unfortu- nate as to meet with a Nickem: if so, I allow a know- 368 ALMOST A CERTAINTY. ledge of his manner of managing affairs would be of little service to us : but, speaking as liberally as expe- rience will allow me, I do think the odds are nearly even that we do meet the prototype of friend Nickem : so the odds go in the same ratio that information on this subject may be useful. To be able to judge, by certain signs and appearances, of the propinquity of danger, is a mighty useful sort of knowledge : it does us no harm when no danger is nigh, and does us a great deal of good when it is. I remember being quite of this opinion once under the following cir- cumstances: I went to spend a week with a friend in the New Forest during the hunting season, so of course sent my horses down. He was located in the neighbour- hood of Lyndhurst : a more beautiful country cannot be ; that is, for those who like sylvan scenery ; better hounds need not be ; and better sportsmen or a more pleasant gentlemanlike set of men I never met in any place, and most delighted should I be to meet them at any time : but I must allow I should prefer that time being from April to October, as, during the other months, there are hounds going in other countries, and I have an intuitive dislike to knocking my brains about against the limbs of trees, breaking my horse's legs or shins against stumps of the same, or tumbling into holes and bogs. How those used to these things avoided them as they did, I know not ; but this I do know, ten minutes made me acquainted with them all, a degree of intimacy quite unsolicited on my part. We found, pug went off just as I would always wish to see him go (that is, in a country where I could ride). I thought I could do so there ; and, as Pat says, a pretty Molly Hogan I made of myself from entertain- "ALL TOO SWEET TO LAST." 369 ing such an opinion. Chance gave me a capital place at the find, so of course, as & fresh man, I took care to get a good start. A splendid open glade was before me, a good-looking country in the distance, hounds going with a burning scent like a hurricane, myself on a thorough-bred that could, when asked, run a bit on the flat what could a man ask for more this side of Heaven ! The horse I was on cared nothing about the pace, and I only thought, if this was forest- hunting, no man need wish for any other. I had heard of bogs, had been in one occasionally with the King's hounds, but those were black, ungentleman-like looking traps ; not so the beautiful sward I was racing over. Presently I heard, " Ware bog!" behind me; "hold hard ! " It never occurred to me that I was the party warned, and the pace was too good to look back. In a few strides I was up to my horse's fetlocks ; in a few seconds more up to his girths, with the pleasing convic- tion that if there was a bottom it was a pretty consider- able way to it. Seeing a wide expanse of the same delectable green sward before me, that I now, to its heart's content, cursed for its treachery, as Daniel O'Rourke did the black eagle ; and moreover, not knowing how far it might last, I imprudently tried to turn my horse round ; but a regular Hampshire chaw- bacon, with more sense that myself, called out, " Lay the whip into 'un, and coom straight out." Now, the laying the whip into 'un could only affect the head, neck, withers, and loins of my horse, all other parts being secured from such a visitation by the New Forest hasty-pudding. The spurs, however, went to work, and no small share of resolution on the part of my nag brought us through, both blowing like two grampuses. VOL. T. B B 370 " NIL TAM DIFFICILE EST QUOD," ETC. ETC. People may say that, professing myself a fox-hunter, and not more nervous than my neighbours, my first thought should have been which way I could again get to the hounds. Candour compels me to allow I made no such inquiry; but I instanter made another "which was my way home ! " With all appendages on me I usually ride about list. ; I think I rode home thirteen at least, allowing for twenty-eight honest pounds of bog- adhesive mixture. I looked black enough then, and my friends told me I looked blue enough when they met me at dinner, till their hospitality made me take sundry bumpers to their continued and my better success. Success to them ! I would get into another bog to meet such companions. The next day I considered 1 could suit the country to a tittle ; so I mounted a mare I had, though not at all one of my sort, for she was just fast enough to drive a wheelbarrow ; but you could twist her round on a cabbage leaf, and as to fencing, nothing a quad- ruped, from a Hendon deer to a Skye terrier, could get through or over in size or intricacy came amiss to her. We had another glorious find : the varmint came almost under my mare's nose. At such a moment no true enthusiast in fox-hunting can be, or ought to be, in perfect possession of his sober senses : it is madden- ing. I had, however, sense enough to know that nothing but getting first start would do for "sober Mary :" so off I went by the side of the first two or three couple of hounds, and, without any gasconade, I verily believe I lay with them Jive hundred yards ; but soon I lay by the side of " prostrate Mary," for galloping over some dry ground covered with leaves, and consequently in perfect confidence of no bog being in the way, in went Mary up to her breast in a hole, "MARY, MARY, LIST AWAKE." 371 and I on her neck peeping into her ears, I suppose to inquire what was the matter. But, by other research, I found we had fallen into the rotten cavity of the roots of a former large tree. Poor Mary and I got on our legs, shook our feathers, but it was " no go : " she was lame as the tree itself, and the strain and bruise of the muscles of the fore-arm spoiled her forest hunt- ing : so I had to resort to the bumpers again to keep the steam up that evening. Determined, if possible, to see a run in this country, I did what I considered would ensure my so doing, and to this purpose resolved to take as pioneer next day a gentleman who knew every inch of the country ; but there is a wide difference between making resolves and keeping them, A most impenetrable fog came on a few minutes after we had found. I could see my van- guard for fifty yards before me, but no more. How he gave me the slip I know not, but I all at once missed him, and in his place found myself on the bank of an impracticable brook ; heard the hounds running a-head ; and there I was as much at home in point of knowing my locality as I should have been in the Ukraine. Our good stars order every thing for the best. I had an appointment in Northamptonshire ; so I left the next day, or, as the New Forest was the grave of one so high as Eufus, I dare say it would have also witnessed the demise of the humble HARRY HIE'OVER. It may be asked, what on earth has HARRY HIE'OVER'S tumbles and mishaps in the New Forest to do with people's transactions with a Nickem ? Perhaps no- thing quoad the two or three occurrences, but a good deal in showing the advantages of information and being put on our guard ; for had I known that New B B 2 372 " HE WHO FIGHTS AND RUNS AWAY, MAY," ETC. Forest bogs looked sometimes like a well-kept lawn, I should not have been half smothered in one : had I known the lower parts of trees were left to rot in the ground, I should not have ridden, like a Tommy Noodle, where I could not see terra firma ; and had I known the country like my pioneer, I should, like him, have got to the hounds, and had a good day's sport afterwards, instead of being left staring at a river, and, like the babes in the wood, unwitting how to get to my mamma, or, perhaps, more like a stray bull, kept bellowing till a countryman came up, to whom I was glad to give half-a-crown to put me in the high road. If this is not thought illustrative enough of the ad- vantages of knowing our danger, and the symptoms of its approach, I will suppose a case. A gentleman has been kicked out of his gig, and has squatted himself by the road-side, philosophically rubbing his shins, and casting his eyes on, or rather after, his horse, which has made off with a portion of the vehicle at his heels ; thus gratuitously informing the public that in his case (as in most of our comforts in this life) there is still a something left behind. Now had this gentleman been told that the object of a kicker is to get rid of the kicker and the vehicle from behind him, he would be quite aware that such a finale would by no means contribute to his interest or comfort. This would rouse his suspicions, keep him on the alert, and prevent his going to sleep. This is something got by information, useful though -not pleasant: but if we give him the further information, that before kicker goes to work, he will wriggle his tail, and when he intends beginning in earnest, will bring it close to his rump ; in that case, at the first wriggle, if he is a wise man, he will trust kicker no further ; he will HOW TO MANAGE A KICKEM-NICKEM. 373 get another horse ; or, if he is forced to drive him, he will put on a kicking- strap that he cannot break, pull him on his haunches the moment the tail begins again ; and if he is a coachman, and has nerve, will lay the whip on his ears, or in road phrase " taKe an ear off." So with Mr. Nickem. I point out what he possibly intends doing, and some of the modes that prelude his kind intentions. The reader is, therefore, aware there may be danger, and learns the symptoms of its reaching him : so he can either change his customer at once, which would perhaps be the wisest plan, or if his convenience makes him use him, put on the kick- ing-strap the moment he begins wriggling, and pull him also on his haunches. Depend on it Nick will have discrimination enough to find out that some one holds the reins of his conduct who will not be trifled with, and who will be quite likely to " take an ear off" him if he begins any of his nonsense ; but with such a man he would know too well to (as he would pro- bably term it) " try it on." We will now see how the selling a horse for (say) eighty, and handing the owner over sixty (this of course minus keep, commission, and sundries), is to be effected. I have shown how a horse is to be got down to a certain price by a regularly concerted chain of ini- quitous practices. In that case Nickem bought him ; in this he does not ; but has still by other manoeuvres got the owner to consent to his being sold at a less price than Nickem knows he shall be able to get for him; or perhaps from some dislike to the horse, the being obliged to leave the neighbourhood, or from a B B 3 374 NICKEM ON ANOTHER TACK. variety of causes the owner may offer to sell him for less than he knows he is worth : here a Mr. Med- dler will again come into use. Now, in these cases, the chance of detection of course depends a great deal on whether the horse is sold to remain in the neighbourhood or not ; and still more, on whether the seller is remaining there, or going away, or abroad. If the latter, God help him ! for he is lucky if he does not get " a dig " to his heart's content. If he is likely to remain, more caution is necessary, and he may get off with half his skin instead of being regularly flayed : but in either case, Nickem " makes assurance doubly sure : " he won't give a chance away. Do not suppose you will be able to detect him in any act of rascality he may commit ; he will be too deep for you : nor suppose he will even allow a trap to be laid for him ; he is too deep for that too. This reminds me of an old country gentleman who came to London : he had heard a great deal of the handy practices of pickpockets, and thought if he could but detect one, what a story it would be to take to Green Goose Hall ! His good lady, Mrs. Oakapple, would hail him a second Munchausen : the windmill exploits of La Mancha's knight, that had whilom ex- panded the eyes of the expanding Oakapples junior, would sink into insignificance before the hardihood of their stalwart pa, who had taken a live pickpocket ! But no such glorious triumph awaited the laudable efforts of the venerable Oakapple. Out he sallied, and having heard that a well-known print and carica- ture shop (or rather the pathway in front of it) was the arena where many blue bird's-eye fogies had been abstracted, away he went to the scene of action, his nerves strung to deeds of daring, if daring might be THE BAIT DETECTED. 375 necessary; and, feeling quite certain that whatever any pickpocket might be up to, he should be down on the pickpocket, he left a good long corner of his hand- kerchief hanging out of his pocket, and with (as he thought) an apparent careless look sauntered before the shop ready for a grab if the trap took. Now mice we know have a predilection for toasted cheese, so have pickpockets for handkerchiefs ; but they won't always nibble, and it required a neater hand than friend Oakapple's to bait for the latter marauders. Judge his astonishment and mortification, when a knowing-looking gentleman walked up to him, looked him full in the face, and pointing to the decoy wipe, clapped him on the shoulder, saying, with a derisive smile, " It won't do, my old cock ! " Old cock ! what a term to be applied to the head of the Oakapples, a Justice of the Peace, and Lord of Green Goose Manor ! Defeated, outwitted, and beat at his own weapons, he could only look all he would have done; then but- toned up the decoy tight in his coat-pocket, determined that, as it was not taken as he wanted, it should not be taken at all, and off in high dudgeon he moved home- wards: but pickpockets, like Nickem, have various little ways of doing business. Our worthy friend had not proceeded many paces homewards, growling that his handkerchief had remained in such security, when, to alleviate his chagrin on this subject, whop came a hand on the crown of his hat, down goes the hat over his eyes, and while the decoy flew out of his pocket, away went his watch out of his fob ; but, horror of all horrors ! what did he hear ? " It will do now, old cock ! " On getting his hat, which from its broken lining had blinded him, to its proper elevation, he saw half a dozen blackguards, large and small, grin- B B 4 376 OLD, BUT NOT OLD ENOUGH. ning at him, when, " It will do now, old cock," from the crowd, sent him, regardless of mud, to the middle of the street, where he plunged into a cab, perfectly satisfied that he did not quite know all that might be taught him. In fact, if a man means to get among knowing ones, he must live some years and be pretty wide awake before he can venture to say of and to himself, " You'll do now, old cock ! " It will not do, however, unless I now return to Mr. Nickem ; and I will place him by supposition in about as awkward a position as possible, and one that it might be thought difficult to get out of. If he suc- ceeds in doing so with credit to himself, instead of being detected, we must allow he had taken a few more lessons in " wide-awake-ism " than the Lord of Goose Green Manor. Now, the term wide-awake-ism is rather a long one ; I allow I certainly never heard it used in a drawing-room, nor is it to be found in Johnson : it is a little manufacture or compilation of my own, of which I am rather proud, and for this reason. Although there is a most mortifying falling off from the talent of the worthy lexicographer to my own, still no half dozen words he ever wrote or used can convey just the same meaning. (I dare say, however, he never intended that they should.) If I wanted to convey an idea of the ridiculous, I would suppose the scene between the Dr. and any man who had told the former that he was wide awake : still to be so is useful sometimes ; so it will be seen it was to Nickem. He had, no matter from what cause, got leave to sell a gentleman's horse for sixty : the gentleman was leaving the town to go abroad, and had taken his place in the mail for that purpose. All this Nickem " GOING WITH A WET SAIL." 377 knew : so a bungler would have made no preparations for any contretemps that might occur ; when, as will be seen, there would have been, as sailors say, " the devil to pay, and no pitch hot :" but let what could occur, Nickem was, like Lothario, u equal to both, and armed for either field." The horse was reported sold : the gentleman came for the balance of his sixty pounds : now, though the keep and commission came to a round sum, Nickem thought, as the gentleman was going away, he might as well try for a pound or two more : so says, " I was forced, Sir, to a little exceed your directions, but I thought you would not like to lose the sale of your horse for two pounds ; so I took fifty-eight: if you object to it, it shall be im- mediately taken out of my commission, as of course I had no right to exceed your orders ; but I did for the best." The gentleman, with the liberality of one, replies, " Oh no, Mr. Nickem ; I do not wish that ; pay me the balance, and I am satisfied : you were quite right, as I must go this afternoon." So far nothing could be better. If the gentleman was satisfied, Nickem was perfectly so : and thus we may suppose the matter concluded. We have seen how Nickem has behaved, and acquitted himself while it was all fair weather: let us now see how presence of mind and properly-taken precaution will serve him when a storm seems likely to burst on his devoted head. The gentleman, having started on his journey, while they were changing horses at the first stage, happened to see another on his lately sold nag, and, as a man naturally might do, went up to his old servant, patted him, and said to the rider, " You have bought a horse lately mine : I congratulate you on your purchase ; he is an excellent horse : I am glad to see him in such 378 THREATENING A STORM. good hands, and as from going away I was obliged to sell him so much under his value, I arn glad a gentle- man has got him." " I like your horse exceedingly," replies the purchaser ; " but 1 think I gave as much as his fair value for him." "I assure you," replied the first owner, " I gave ninety for him six months since, and consider him worth it, and you have him at fifty-eight." " Excuse me, Sir," said the purchaser, " I gave eighty guineas for him." " Eighty ! " cried the former : " and did you buy him at Nickem's ? " "I did," says the purchaser. "Then," replies the seller, " you must allow Mr. Nickem is neither more nor less than a robber and a scoundrel ! " "Now, Sir!" says the coachman. "No," replies the gentleman, " I shall not go on." " Eight ! " cries the guard exit mail. The gentleman orders a chaise "directly." "Hostler, if you please, Sir."- " Porter, Sir, if you please." "Go on, boy:" and now exit post-chaise. "The French swore terribly in Flanders," says Corporal Trim, or my uncle Toby, I forget which. (I dare say they did, for I have heard them swear pretty well in their own country,) but that was with a kind of shut teeth grating sacre sound, quite unlike the fine round volume of sound with which the oaths came from the mouth of our vengeful gentleman : the chaise could not hold them, so he opened the windows, and they escaped on each side like soap-and-water bubbles from a boy's tobacco- pipe. The current of air one might think during the ten miles would have cooled the gentleman, but it did not, or his anger. The curses bestowed on the well- known Obadiah were tolerably particular and multi- farious ; but tkey were fcw in number and mild in import to those fulminated against the culprit Nickem. A CALM COMING ON. 379 He was to be exposed, prosecuted to the utmost rigour of the law, thrashed ; (only some doubts arose on the practicability of this latter mode of vengeance ;) but in his own yard he should be convicted before all present : in short, God knows what was not to be done. But, ah, what simple circumstances often turn aside the greatest resolves ! Up came the smoking horses to Nickem' s gate, out jumped the gentleman, swelled by the pent-up passions he prepared to give vent to. There stood the supposed convicted felon, but with no apparent conscious feelings of fear or repentance in his countenance, no downcast look, no visible trepidation of manner : he saw the gentleman coming : the bland and seeming honest smile of Nickem, though it made no difference in his irate customer's resolves, lowered the heat of his passion from 110 degrees to 50 of Fahrenheit : so he spake temperately. "Pray, Mr. Nickem, how do you account for your conduct respecting my horse ? " Nickem : " In what way, Sir?" Seller: "Why, I met the gentleman this day who bought, and gave eighty guineas for him, when as you know you told me you sold him at fifty-eight." Nick: "I don't wonder at your being angry, Sir, at all; I have been out of humour with myself ever since I sold him : I sold him to as great a vagabond as any in town ; and you might just as well, and much better, have had the eighty guineas than he : but you shall see I am not to blame. Mr. Meddler," says Nickem (addressing the latter, who I need not say was always as much at hand as Nickem's whip), " do you happen to have the receipt about you that you took for the chestnut horse?" "I don't know, I am sure," says Meddler: "if I havn't, I have it at home." His well-used pocket-book comes out, 380 CLEAR AND SATISFACTORY EVIDENCE. and out of that (after a good deal o apparent search) comes a paper : " Received of Mr. Michael Meddler fifty- eight pounds for a chestnut gelding, warranted sound, sold for Thomas Tobedone, Esq. ; for N. Nickem, GREGORY GOBETWEEN." " That is satisfactory, certainly, Mr. Nickem," says the gentleman : " then it appears the horse was sold twice?" "Just so, Sir," says Nickem: "this fellow had not the horse two hours before in comes the gentleman you saw, and he stuck him for eighty : of course I could say nothing; he had a right to get what he chose after buying the horse. If I had been lucky enough to have waited, I should have got it for you. I could have knocked my head against the wall. I did not like to mention it to you, as it would do no good ; and as I know how I felt, I thought it no use to annoy you by telling you of it ! " Where are now all the convictions, the law-proceed- ings, the threatened exposures ! There is the proof of as fair a transaction as possible. The gentleman even feels it due to say something in extenuation of his doubts of its fairness, and ends by saying in part apology, "You must allow, Nickem," (no Mr. now we don't always Mister honest fellows,) " it did at first look odd ! " Nickem allows it did look odd : the gen- tleman was not aware of how many odd things are done in some repositories ! The wisest, and indeed the only thing our defeated friend can now do is to go and make himself as com- fortable as he can for the evening, and again take his place by the next day's mail. Having discussed his cutlet, and being now placidly taking his wine and an olive, he takes out his pencil and tablets, and just MEMORANDUMS. 381 makes out the Dr. and contra Cr. state of his account so far as relates to this said horse. Nickem does the same thing, the statement of each being about as fol- lows : T. TOBEDONE'S ACCOUNT. NICKEM'S ACCOUNT. . s. d. s . d. To difference between 90 To difference-money paid for, and 58 in price of horse 32 00 and price sold, Tobedone's Paid Nickem commission 218 OJ horse - - - - 26 Keep three weeks - 33 Oj Commission - - - 2 18 Removing shoes (Afem. never By ball and shoes - 3 O removed) - - - 2 Profit three weeks' livery - 18 A diuretic (never given) - 1 Nagsman and helper at Nickem's - - - 12 6 Mail -fare forfeited - -200 Chaise 15s., boy 3s., hostler Is., porter Is. - -100 Loss - 41 16 6 29 19 Paid Meddler 5 - - 5 O Net Profit - 24 19 "This will do for me," cries Nick, rubbing his hands : he is right ; and it will do for the gentleman if he only goes on in the same way. But by-and-by we will try to put him in a better. We may in all cases guard against a rogue to a great degree: in many, we may effectually do so : but though a man may be a man of education, sense, and talent, if he pits himself against a thorough-paced rogue, oh the score of detection, in nineteen cases in twenty the practised low cunning and self-possession of the lat- ter will beat the other hollow. I have mentioned the manufacturing of corns as a part of the business of such an establishment as Nick's. I can assure my readers that the manufac- ture of letters and notes to suit particular occasions, and represented as coming from different persons, is quite as frequent a practice. The executive part of this note and letter department is carried on by the clerk, occasionally assisted by a " Mr. Meddler, " of 382 " SAFE BIND SAFE FIND. " course under the control of Nick, who would not commit himself by the chance of a letter of his own writing being brought against him. The clerk values his berth too much to talk, though perhaps an honest man himself, whose conscience often rebels against what he is made to do. Besides, though it might be proved he wrote a note, it might not be easy to prove he was directed to do so : and as the weakest generally go to the wall, Nick would be too strong for him ; so the result of any babbling on his part would only end in his being at once turned out, and stigmatised (from want of proof of the reverse) as an ungrateful scoundrel : so he is, in racing phrase, " made safe. " As for Meddler, Nick's first object in patronising him is to get him in his debt : he therefore is a tool, a mere slave in Nick's hands : if he dared speak, he would be laid by the heels, as Pat says, " in less than no time ; " and probably he would be subject to an action for defamation ; in which case his general cha- racter not being likely to be any strong advocate in his favour, he is quite aware he could have no chance : so he is " made safe " also. Never therefore let a seller or buyer be misled by letters shown him : they are as much to be depended upon as are the same things sometimes manufactured by some dealers. If we have to do with a respectable man, we want no such attempted corroboratory evi- dence : if we meet a rogue, a letter shown by him is just as much proof of truth as his word or his oath, and these would be no proof at all. In speaking thus plainly, I do not feel any qualification necessary, as I only allude to some dealers and some repository- keepers, and quite as much to some tradesmen of any IMMORTALISING AN AUTHOR. 383 sort, but particularly, however, to some of the 2s. nrf. sort I before alluded to. I have only in one or two instances ever particu- larised (in what I have written) any individual or es- tablishment, unless where I felt I could indulge in the pleasure of doing so in terms of commendation. When I have done otherwise, the persons mentioned or alluded to deserved much more than I said of them. I had a hint given me some time since, that a definition of the characters of the different leading horse-dealers in London and the country would be acceptable to the public, but it would be an ungra- cious task, and one I should be very reluctant to un- dertake. Whether I may ever mention the names of some that I consider worthy the confidence of the public would be another affair. If I were a vain or ostentatious man, I might be tempted to do this, as those gentlemen might in return immortalise my name by jointly purchasing a second-hand mile-stone to be erected to the memory of HARRY HIE'OVER ; that is, if they could find a spot of ground sufficiently waste to get permission to put it up. I have mentioned my dislike to particularise per- sons and places unless in a perfectly commendatory way. But I wish my readers to be satisfied that all (and of course ten times as much as) I have stated may be done in repositories / know has been done ; but I by no means wish to indicate where. The sup- posed cases I have stated I have seen take place. So long since as the year 1825, I was ordered to a certain part of Her Majesty's dominions where there was and now is one of the largest repositories known. I was stationed there eleven years, and having plenty 384 A GOOD FELLOW, TAKE HIM ALTOGETHER. of time on my hands, I was every day, and sometimes oftener, in this establishment. It was a lounge. I have, moreover, bought there and sold there; and being always interested in those pursuits, and keeping my eyes and ears open, and particularly my mouth shut, I soon got au fait of all that was going on. This eleven years' investigation was a pretty good apprenticeship ; and a close inspection of what is done in other similar establishments since has made me a match for many people: but with all due and proper humility, I allow I might very possibly still be done by Nickem, though, like many others in unequal contests, we would have a tussle for it. To show there is a fair chance of myself as well as many others getting an occasional " stick," I will men- tion how one occurred, and how I got out of it. The owner of the repository I now allude to was one of those few men of such imperturbable good humour that nothing could ruffle it, let him do what he would and certainly some very funny things he did do occasionally. However victimised a man might be by him, the moment you came face to face with him his own honest-looking and good-tempered one dis- armed all attempts to be angry with him ; and a thorough good-natured and good-hearted fellow he was in the main ; but he could not help doing you : it was with him a positive monomania : he could not be happy unless he did. People knew he would, yet for the life of them they could neither keep away from him, prevent his doing it, nor be angry with him when he did. The way he kept his cus- tomers together was this. He did you to-day : you grumbled at the purchase : there was no hesitation or TURN AND TURN ABOUT. 385 excuse made on his part, but be said at once, " Send iii 111 back, I'll get you out of him : " and so he would, lie would give you "a dig" to-day, and give some one else a double-distilled one to-morrow to get you out of it. The last he contrived to give to somebody he did not care about, or to some greenhorn whom he could talk into believing he had done him a favour. I had had so many deals with him that I thought he would not attempt or wish to do me : but the " ruling passion" once (and I must say only once) was too strong for him. I went to see a gentleman's stud sold. I saw a very fine brown horse that struck my fancy. I went up to our friend of the sunny smile, and asked about the horse. He was all and everything I could wish. " Is he sound?" said I, "and what may I bid for him?" "He is sound," said Sunny, " and buy him at any- thing under fifty." He was knocked down to me at forty-eight. I followed my purchase into the stable, liked him much, and he was apparently as sound a horse as I ever saw or handled. After the sale, I went to the stable to get him saddled to ride him home. I now saw he had a favourite leg or foot that he was nursing under the manger. I guessed the truth at once, and saw that he was lame in walk- ing out of the stable. It is true he was sold without warranty, but I bought him on Sunny's word, and I determined he should make it good. Not choosing to expose my purchase or myself before some hundred people, I gave him on mounting a kick with both heels, and cantered him out of the yard. The next morning I found him, of course, as lame as a tree. I got on him, and cantered him into as I had out of the yard, dismounted, turned him loose, and told Sunny, "there VOL. i. c c 386 A COOLER FOB SUNNY. was his recommendation; I would not pay for him, would not lose by him, and, what was more, would neither pay for keep till he was sold nor commission on his sale." Sunny only laughed; accommodated an officer with him who was going abroad, and posi- tively offered me a profit on the price I was to have given for him, which, of course, I refused to take. He never played me a trick afterwards. I could not be angry with the devil, even had I lost by the trans- action : but I did as I have recommended others to do by Nick I brought him on his haunches at once, and always kept the kicking- strap on : but he never attempted even a lift afterwards with me. There is another department in similar establish- ments that is productive in various ways of a much greater source of profit where a large business is done than people may imagine. In such a one as that I have alluded to, the legitimate profits of these were not less than from six to seven hundred a-year ; and where five shillings is charged for putting in harness, and breaks are out, perhaps, ten times a-day, the profits may be easily conceived. I mean, by what I desig- nate legitimate profits, the fairly trying and breaking horses to harness : what the illegitimate profits may be it is impossible to calculate, as they depend on cir- cumstances. By illegitimate profits, I mean trying horses in harness without the knowledge of the owner ; the contriving to make a horse go quietly at one time that is a devil incarnate at others; and, vice versd f making a horse disposed to draw quietly appear and in fact be the very reverse all of which little funny tricks are to be managed, and are managed, as may suit different occasions. In short, there is no branch of the business of a repository in which in some places a little chiselling is not made use of. AN ARTIST. 387 I have shown where it is very much to the interest of a Nickem to privately ascertain whether a horse left with him for sale will go in harness or not. It may be easily conceived when it is desirable to make a vicious one go steady : this is, of course, when he is to be got off. When it is equally desirable that he should not go quietly may require a word or two of explana- tion : but to be able to effect this, a thoroughly prac- tised breaksman is required. Now a man may be a very good coachman, though know very little of his business as a breaksman ; but the latter cannot be fit for his business unless he is a first-rate coachman : and he requires much more than this : he must per- fectly understand the habits and tempers of young horses, and, indeed, of all horses: he must have a clear head, quick apprehension, good temper, great presence of mind, strong nerves, strong but light hands, know every contrivance to thwart the inten- tions of violent horses, and the mode of soothing timid ones : he must be able, from habit, to judge at once by the manners of a horse what he is likely or is pre- paring to do : in short, to judge at once what sort of a customer he has to deal with. If he is all this, and, moreover, a civil, sober, and honest man, he is worth any wages he can reasonably ask to a respectable dealer or repository-keeper. He must be all this to suit Nickem (leaving out the honesty), for, to suit him, he must be as great a rogue as his master : he must know by a turn of the eye of that master whe- ther a horse is to go quietly or the reverse : he must not always even wait for this : he must have quickness enough to judge by the circumstances of the case what he is to do, as well as be equal to do it ; and I c c 2 388 PREPAKATION. can assure my reader, to do it is much easier to talk about than to perform. But in case he should see a horse of his own tried in harness, and that he may be able to judge whether all is being done as it should be, I will give him the best information experience enables me to do on the subject. He will then, should his horse not go quietly, be enabled to judge whether the fault is in the animal, or arises from ignorance or design in those about him ; that is, supposing the method I point out to be correct : of that others must judge, but I do not think I am very far astray. When a horse is tried for the first time, it is the usual practice to put him in double harness I always try him first in single, for reasons I will hereafter give ; but this horse we will suppose to be going into the double -break, and that we have time to do what we wish. Having been always fond of this sort of thing, I have, of course, broke many to harness for my own use, ten times as many for my friends, and, by dint of patience and perseverance, have seldom been beat even by the roughest pupils. Where there are breaks, break-horse, breaksman, and help at hand, what I should do, expect, and, indeed, insist on being done with a horse of mine, would be this. The horse should be harnessed in the stable : this prevents him shying from the harness when being put on him. An open collar should be put on to avoid shoving one over his head and eyes to alarm him : the harness is then very gently put on his back ; the crupper, of course, unbuckles at the side, so as to allow his tail to be easily placed on it, and let down by de- grees: this being done, the horse is to be turned round in his stall, and, with his winkers on, put on the pillar reins : he thus feels the harness, and gets INSTALLING A PUPIL. 389 accustomed to the winkers, which, of course, make every object come suddenly before him. After standing for a time, and reconciled to the feel of his new trappings, he should be led out, and let feel them hanging about him : then trotted, that he may also feel them more sensibly. When he is reconciled to this, and while he is being so, the break is got out, the break-horse in it, and placed in a situation, if pos- sible, where a plunge or two can do no harm. He is then to be led up to the break, the breaksman having first ascertained, if he did not know before, what sort of a mouth he has. This may be judged of by laying hold of the cross-bar of the bit. The horse's own side of the driving-rein should be on him, so as only the coupling-rein is required to be fastened when he is put in. In forty-nine cases out of fifty, the driving- rein should be to the cheek with a raw or young horse, but sometimes, of course, even to the lower bar. On putting him alongside the break-horse, great caution is necessary to prevent him touching the break has- tily : the breaksman stands at the head of his horses to give directions and see how things go on : one man is ready to pole-piece him loosely up, while, at the same moment, another puts on the outside trace ; the inside one is not of the same consequence, as the horse is now secured. A man now takes the breaks- man's place, caressing the young one : if he is very restless, let him lay hold of his ear. The breaksman jumps up ; his break-horse, if he is a good, quick, and powerful one, which he should be, either takes the break off quite gently, or will pull off Mr. Kecruit, whether he likes it or not, as the breaksman wishes. The gentle mode, except with a very refractory cus- tomer, is always the best, the latter being a kill-or- c c 3 390 GENTLY DOES IT. cure sort of business. A man runs alongside the young one to encourage him, and to keep his shoul- der against him if he hangs too much out of harness. The pupil should be allowed to trot along without feeling either pole-piece or trace, till he begins to wish of his own accord to get forward ; he may then be allowed to do so. So soon as he has become a little steady, a mile is the most he should be driven, or his shoulders will probably be scalded. This would make him shy of facing the collar again, and prevent a lesson next day. On coming home, the greatest caution is required in taking him out. The coupling- rein and inside trace must be first undone : then the pole-piece and outside trace, as in putting to, and care taken he does not touch any part of the break in going off. If this is done, very few horses will do mischief to themselves or any thing else. Having got home safe with our horse in double harness, we will now put him or another in the single break. Of course the same routine as to harnessing must be gone through : he is brought with his driving reins on at their proper place on the bit ; the break is to be placed where it can be easily drawn off: not up- hill, or on a thick straw bed. The horse is to stand till he is quiet : the break is then quite noiselessly to be drawn up to him, and gently let down on him. Three men are quite necessary to put him in ; that is, two, and the breaksman at his head. The traces, belly-band, and kicking-strap must be got on as quickly but as quietly as possible. The gentleman is now caught, and with three men about him he cannot hurt or be hurt. One thing I forgot to mention, which should never under any circumstances be omitted in trying a horse in single harness ; I may indeed say in double. 391 A common flat-headed hempen halter should be put on under his winker-bridle, the rope or shank of which should be passed round and tied in a knot on the cross-bar of the bit. With this held by the man at his side, and a good pair of reins, there is little fear of a run-away, a thing most of all to be dreaded. The horse being in the break, the driver takes his place quietly; no touch of a whip, no cl k even, to start him ; one man is at his side with the shank of the halter in his hand : another, with one hand on the shaft and the other on the step-iron, is ready to ease the break off the moment a sign from the breaks- man shows it is time to do so. When it is, the man at the horse's head moves gently on, leading (not pulling) the horse forward ; the other pulls, but by no means forces the break after him. If the horse hesitates, let him stand till he is inclined to move ; when he does go, let him walk away, the man at his side keeping hold of the halter ; at a proper time coax him into a trot, the man still running by his side. When he goes quiet, let this man gently fasten the halter shank to the D of the hame, and leave the horse's side. He then quietly gets into the break, and the drive goes on. Should the horse stop, which is likely enough, let him stand : he will very shortly want to go somewhere. Let him, if it be possible, take any road he likes ; no matter which way he goes, provided he draws the break after him ; he can easily be turned when going ; but of all things, in harness or out of harness, avoid a fight with a horse till the last extremity. It is always a risk, and should be avoided. Our horse is now going gently, so we will take him home and get him gently out of harness. Having attempted to show what should be done to 392 A MASTER HAND WANTED. make a horse go quiet, I will shortly show what I know is done to prevent his doing so. When this is the order of the day, as it requires a man that knows his business to make a restive bad-disposed horse go quiet, so I can assure my readers a good deal of knowledge of the thing is required to make a good- tempered one appear the reverse ; but it is to be done even while the owner is looking on, and (unless indeed he knows as much as those employed about the horse) it will be done without his detecting the means used. It requires, however, quick fellows and workmen to do it, just upon the same principle, as that no half dozen men knowing little of music could, for the life of them, make half such horrible discord as the same mumber of perfect musicians. Discord, God knows, the former would treat us to, but not such discard as the latter could make if they chose to try. Why ? because the same want of knowledge that would pre- vent the former making harmony, would prevent their making the most perfect discord. We will try shortly if we cannot put our horse's temper out of tune. I suppose that in my general intercourse with the W0 rld by world I mean mankind it has fallen to my lot to meet with about the usual varieties of tempers incidental to my fellow-men that is, good tempers, bad tempers, infernal tempers, and interme- diate tempers. There are some tempers so even and serene, that nothing short of ill-usage, injustice, or insult, can turn them from the even tenor of their way: others, that the slightest contradiction causes their owners to play porcupine at once, a habit that would be mighty pleasant in a wife, if the possibility existed of ladies showing temper. Then there are TEMPERS POSITIVE, COMPARATIVE, AND SUPERLATIVE. 393 tempers that partake so much of that of the dark gen- tleman of horn and hoof notoriety, that, do what you will, they are not to be pleased or conciliated, who, as it is beautifully and figuratively expressed, " get out of bed the wrong end first." (Quaere, what end is alluded to ?) If we could suppose anything so im- probable and monstrous as a lady thus emerging from her couch, I can imagine an end on which, if presented, a very very leetle gentle tap or two might be allowable, as the only kind of pardonable or to-be-dreamt- of corporal punishment to be tolerated a mode of cor- rection by far more manly (and agreeable), both to the one who administers it and the one who receives it, than the brutal idea of " the stick the size of a thumb," allowed by a judge, who could never have tried my plan ; for if he had, and did not prefer it, he must have been a very bad judge indeed, at least in such little or large matters (as the case might be). Then there is the intermediate temper, which I consider belongs to such as are pleased enough when every thing is done to please them. From what I have seen of men, I consider the last as very tolerable and bearable tempers. We are bound in this world to do what we consider will be likely to be pleasant to each other in a reasonable way ; and all I should ask of a companion would be to be good-humoured when I did so. I do not mean, if I cut off a man's ear, and he grumbled, and then if I took off a piece of his nose, and he grumbled worse, that I should have any right to say, " do what I would I could not please him ; " but I do think I should not ask too much if I required good- humour when I did what ought to please ; yet I have often found my expectations in this disappointed. Now, I do what I can to please my readers. It may 394 TEMPERS COMPARED. be that they may say my endeavours in this are ana- logous to the taking off the nose, because taking off the ear did not please : if so, the best thing I could do would be to take myself off, for the fault would not be in the reader, but in my bad judgment as to what is likely to please. Horses have their tempers as well as men : there are vicious, violent, and sulky tempers ; but justice to animal creation induces me to say, that in all domestic animals, the bad tempers bear no proportion at all to the good ; and further, I am quite certain, that, com- paring horses with men, I estimate both fairly in saying that the proportion of bad tempers in men to those in horses, are ten to one in favour of the latter. In point of goodness of disposition between the two animals, the proportion, I am sorry to say, I consider much greater ; for there is not one horse in a hundred that would attempt to hurt or annoy man, unless he first hurts him; and very seldom even then, unless fright makes him do so. Now experience convinces me there is not one man in a hundred that will hesitate in hurting or annoying the horse, if interest or even convenience induces him to do it. I fear a very little more interest or convenience would render him not very nice about hurting or annoying his fellow-man. But I allow I am not one of those who look on the august figure of man with all that veneration this said august personage generally considers himself entitled to : I am not exactly of the opinion of the poor Indian, " Who thinks, admitted to that equal sky, His faithful dog shall bear him company : " but I do consider that no greater right was awarded to me to ill-use an animal than was given to the animal to ill-use me. But we are not now on the BRUTES BIPED AND QUADKUPED. 395 subject of ill-using animals. I am only going, as I proposed, to show how, by a succession of annoyances and rascally manoeuvres for mercenary motives, the temper of a fine and well-disposed animal may be roused to violence. Pray which is the greater brute in this case ? I am afraid the august personage is not the more respectable animal : he certainly is the greater rascal : but without any absolute ill-usage, we will, as I proposed, put the horse in harness and out of temper. Gutta cavat lapidem, non vi, sed, &c. We will suppose a Mr. Nickem, for some reason, wishes it to appear that a horse is not likely to go quiet in harness : we will say he wishes to buy him, which he perhaps might not be able to do if the owner thought the horse likely to make one for harness : we will also suppose Nickem is quite satisfied that the horse, if properly treated, will go quiet ; his worthy assistants know this too ; arid they also know, if they allow him to do this against the wishes of master, that master would very soon find other assistants that would not : so of course the thing is settled. As the owner would not permit his horse to be ill-used before his eyes, the effect wanted must be produced by means that will not be detected by him, or at least not by one owner in fifty: if he should happen to be the fiftieth, who does know all about it, he is no customer for Nickem ; for should the former put on his wide- awake hat, Nickem may put on his nightcap. Having seen a horse put in harness that is wished to go properly and quietly, we will just see the differ- ence of treatment with the one that is not to go so. The horse is first led from the stable to where the harness is hung in the yard. This a person might suppose is only done for convenience sake, or that it 396 IRRITATION. was thought a more safe place than a stall from there being more room. A plain round (not open) collar is put on, taking care it is full small for his head, so that there may be plenty of shoving to get it over his eyes. Nine horses out of ten are alarmed at a halter being passed over their head for the first time, even if it is gently done : what must one be when his eyes are really hurt by a tight collar ? The horse naturally runs back to avoid it, probably against some obstacle behind him, and thus he is twice frightened in the onset. The owner probably ventures to remark, " That collar seems rather small for my horse, does it not ? " "Oh dear no, Sir ; if it was larger it might scald his shoulder : large collars always are sure to do it." This is true enough, but open ones can be buckled to any size (the owner perhaps never saw one) : so, after the horse has been shoved about sufficiently, the collar is got on. Then, instead of putting on his winker- bridle to prevent his seeing the harness about to be put on him, his halter only remains : my life on it he shies at the harness. He is then well halloo'd at for this, and of course more frightened by that. He is now restless and on the qui vive, watching every movement. " He'll be a rummish customer, I can see," says one of the fellows : and now, to show they all think so, the bridle is put on, curbed tight, the harness brought, and, instead of being gently laid, is thrown suddenly on his back : this of course produces a plunge : the man at his head cannot suffer himself to be knocked down and run over (Mem. all the better if he was) so he gives the horse two or three severe chucks back with a tightly-curbed powerful bit: back goes the unfortunate horse, hits something again behind him, again rushes forward, when he gets again punished for DESPERATION. 397 doing this. The harness is now to be fastened, if it has not in the scuffle fallen off. The fellow who is to put on the crupper approaches the horse to do so as he would an enraged tiger ; lifts up his tail at arm's length, then jumps out of the way, as much as to sig- nify that he had a narrow escape with his life. The " terribly violent brute" is, however, harnessed: the fellow leads him on, pretends he has trod on his heel; this is an excuse for an (apparently) necessary snatch at the horse's mouth again, which, with the harness hanging about, produces another bustle, and makes the bruised mouth still more tender. The horse is by these means worked up to a frenzy, and in this state is brought up to the double-break ; but instead of this being done as it ought, he is let, indeed made, to run against the roller-bolt. This, likely enough, induces him to kick at it. The fellows now all shake their heads at him. " I'd jist as soon you driv him as me, Jem," to the breaksman ; who, to show what a fine fellow he is> replies, " if they gived him the Devil he'd drive him : he arn't sure he hasn't got him now." The horse is now shoved against the pole : this in- duces him to fling himself on the outside trace. Here is another fright and bustle : the harness holds him it is true, and the only chance is his hurting himself. The pole-piece is put on so short that if the break- horse attempts to take him off, the collar comes so sud- denly on his withers, that he feels as if he was going to get his neck broke : he of course resists, hangs back, gets a smart stroke of the whip, plunges forward, and now the sore mouth tells; for the moment he feels the bit, he again hangs back, and, not improbably, throws himself down. Seeing the present state of the case, the owner most probably desires his horse may 398 THE WORM WILL TURN. be taken out of harness, quite satisfied he is not likely to go : if so, Nickem' s end is answered. If the owner wishes him still further tried, he is pulled, pushed, and whipped out of the yard somehow, should the owner go with them, by making the break-horse thwart every inclination of the other to do right ; and the unfortu- nate pupil being punished under the pretence he is trying to do wrong, he is set down as incorrigible. If the owner does not go with his horse, he is driven and brought back, two fellows running by his side pre- tending to be out of breath from their exertions to keep the vicious brute from breaking everything to atoms. The horse, on being taken from the break, naturally rushes away from it frightened to death, and thus corroborates the statement of those who went with him, that " of all the devils they ever saw he was the worst;" not forgetting to hint, that after their violent exertions a little refreshment in the shape of drink would be acceptable. Thus in this world are often the innocent sacrificed and the guilty rewarded ; and thus I fear it often is where man and man are concerned when power and villany have only justice to oppose them. Supposing Mr. Nickem has succeeded in purchasing this made-vicious horse, the owner is surprised to see him a few days afterwards going in harness as quietly as his natural good temper would have made him do at first, if he had been permitted to do so. He expresses his surprise, but is told " they never had so much trouble with any horse ; did not think they ever should have made him go," &c. : Nickem " does not think any man but his breaksman could have done it :" so it ends in the gentleman losing heavily in the sale to Nickem ; Nick nicking it pretty largely in the A MATCH FOR THE OLD GENTLEMAN. 399 sale to some other gentleman who wants a particular steady horse for harness ; and Jem substantiating his own words that he would and could drive the devil. It is not merely in such places as I have represented that it is sometimes convenient to make a horse ap- pear likely to be troublesome to break, either to drive or ride: those gentlemen yclept horse -breakers are quite awake to the trick, whether employed at a repository or elsewhere. Horses are broken usually for a certain sum, sometimes by the lesson. Now, if it is seen that a horse is likely to be easily broken, the owner, after a couple of lessons, would think that a little practice arid gentle usage would render him all he wanted : this would not do for the breaker's purpose; so, as in the other case, he must be made trouble- some : and should a specified sum be agreed upon before he is tried, the more violent he is made ap- pear at first, the greater merit in the breaker in making him steady : so he gains the same vaunted character as Jem for devil driving. There is another little item or two on the profit side of the question to be remembered. If a horse loses flesh while breaking, it may be attributed to his own violence and temper ; so it is not the usual cus- tom of these gentry to pamper him with too great an allowance of oats of 40 Ib. the bushel, so they make the livery profit very like 10s. per week. Then it is quite right young ones should be used to crowds ; so, after a horse is quite tractable, many a half-crown is made by mounting or driving (some one they can trust with the secret) to a fight or a fair. If the owner sees it, the breaker has had him there to make him quite steady before he leaves his hands ! Let me tell owners another thing. In some repo- 400 NICKEM AWAKE STILL. sitories (but certainly never in respectable ones) many a man is mounted for a ride, who, if seen, is riding the horse on trial, or trying to ride. I can mention an instance. One of these on=trial fellows had a horse out, and it was known he would not be back for some time : the owner unexpectedly and unfortunately (for the Nickein of the place) came in. A fool or an honest man, if he had been induced to do wrong, would be taken aback on such an occasion: not so Nickem : the gentleman was told at once " his horse was sold and gone," and that the next day he might have his money. He came, but the money did not : " the horse had shied, thrown and nearly killed the gentleman ; but supposing he did recover, Nickem would lose one of his best customers ; the gentleman was a capital horseman, but no one could sit a horse that reared and fell backwards." No man can deny the truth of the latter truism : it is a summary sort of ejectment of an unpleasant oc- cupant of the back, which, if horses were oftener to adopt, would be much to their advantage, and not un- frequently give society a fair chance of reaping advan- tage also. Besides, it would save a vast deal of trouble in plunging, kicking, &c., which does not always suc- ceed : the retrograde manoeuvre always does. People, like horses, often take a great deal of trouble to do that which might be done by some more simple pro- cess. I have seen a terrible scuffle made to get a troublesome fellow out of a house : this is bad taste and bad tact : how easy the thing is to be done ! Put the poker into the fire (if it is not there already) ; wait till it is a fine glowing white heat ; present it within a foot of the to-be-ejectee's nose, quietly and in a courteous manner follow him, keeping your poker THE OLD GEORGE STEAMER. 401 at the charge (no charge will be required) ; my life on it my gentleman makes off in any required direction. This reminds me of an anecdote of a servant of mine : it may on a similar occasion be useful to ladies, so I will mention it. My wife had once been so long tormented by a milliner as to trimming a bonnet, that she determined to have it home finished or unfinished : she sent a note to this purpose by George (Old George as he was called), acquainted him with its purport, with directions not to return without the bonnet. On handing in the note, a written answer was handed to him : Old George knew a bonnet could not be con- tained in a small note, so demanded the former as an accompaniment. He was told to " go about his busi- ness"- this, to do him justice, was a useless order, for he never neglected it. He considered his business in this case was to get the bonnet, and have it he would, if any human being could get it. This his mistress well knew, and this he took upon himself verbally to let Mademoiselle know. He then quietly sat down in the passage : he was of course ordered out : Old George only grinned a ghastly grin (I never knew him laugh). He was threatened with expulsion by some man to be called in : Old George only grinned more ghastly than before, for he was one who would have made most men grin who had tried this with him. He was at last told to "sit there till he was tired:" he only grinned at this either. Now George (whenever he could indulge in it) was a smoker : not one of your small Thames smokers ; no, he was a re- gular Great Western, Great Liverpool, nay Great Britain herself, and always went provided for a cloud. Presently Mademoiselle and half her coterie came run- ning down. There was Old George quietly but ener~ VOL. I. D D 402 A FAITHFUL SERVANT. getically puffing away, nearly invisible in the dense cloud, which had ascended, till, as a hive of bees, he had fairly smoked them out. Words were useless, excuses equally so: he " only waited for his missus's bonnet." To send it home unfinished was annoying to Mademoiselle, but the smoke was intolerable ; so of course the bonnet was produced, and Old George gra- tuitously gave one of his best Sunday grins by way of a dormez-vous bien, Mademoiselles ! Poor George ! if I were to direct any man how to be most faithful and most honest, I would advise him to take thee as his model : a grateful master offers this small tribute to thy memory. I must confess I have made tolerably free hitherto with Master Nickem, notwithstanding I had the law of libel before my eyes; but like many men pro- fessing heroic feelings, I am heroic when no danger threatens ; for who is Nickem ? If any man or men choose to stand up and defend him, why then, I say, " Bucks, have at ye all." Honest men will not : they will say, " Let the galled jade wince, our withers are unwrung." Poor Nickem ! sometimes, like the never- to-be-forgotten pack of Osbaldeston, with the immortal (would that he was!) Squire at their side, we have rattled thee along at the pace "that kills ;" when at others, like the old Southern Bluemottles of Dorking or Leatherhead notoriety, true to the scent, we have followed thee through many of the doubles thou hast made in any particular chase we have alluded to : but where the shifts of all sorts of game are combined in one, I know not the kind of hound adapted to the sport ; so I will not promise a " kill :" all I profess to do is, to give an occasional burst : so here goes to "hit him off" again. CONVENIENT AUCTIONS. 403 I have mentioned before that some Repositories have a regular auction once or twice a week. These at times are like the addenda or appendix to an au- thor's work, when used merely to make out a book at the expense of the reader ; but at others, like the codicil to a will, producing greater effect than all the preceding seven skins of parchment put together. Also like an outrigger, ugly to look at, but useful when roads run bad. Or like a unicorn team, awkward to drive, but not to be despised when the option would be a heavy loaded coach and pair. Now, to do Nick justice, he is not disposed to be a slow coach : in truth, he goes over some ground rather too fast ; and I have been showing some of my readers how to put the " skid " on without hurting their fingers. If they incautiously burn them in taking it off, any little boy, who gets threepence a week from the coachman for doing it, will teach them better. If I understand the term u auction," it was origi- nally meant (that must have been before the Flood) the putting property up for sale to be really sold to the highest bidder. I have no doubt but that, if pro- perty of any sort was sent for sale in the true spirit of a sale by auction, and proper time given to acquaint purchasers of such that it was bond, fide to be sold, such property would, in the generality of cases, bring its fair value ; but if three or four hunters, however great their merits might be, were sent to be sold even by Mr. Tattersall, if they were unknown horses, of course they would be, figuratively speaking, given away. Why ? Not because auctions are bad places to sell horses at, but because hunters are sold for their merits, and of course people will not bid for merits that they do not know exist. But supposing (may it never D D 2 404 A HARE CHANCE FOR THE CORNER. happen to such men !) that Lords Wilton, Waterford, Maidstone, and many others, were induced to give up hunting, let their horses be sent to Tattersall's, they would bring all they were worth (perhaps more) : they would bring their value, because their relative merits as hunters are as well known as those of Dickey Misfortune as a pedestrian, or Euclid as a race-horse. They often bring more, because men who buy such horses do not merely consider what the horse is worth, but what they choose to give to get him ; and when such men thus compete with each other, the price is sometimes astounding ; and if such horsemen and such riders as I have mentioned and alluded to could be brought to the hammer, the prices they ivould bring would be a little more astounding still. Unquestionably a fair auction is where things are to be sold, and positively sold, to the highest bidder ; and if dealers in the property on sale could be ex- cluded, this might be done : but while they form a part of those who attend auctions, it cannot, at least not in a general way. If dealers would fairly bid like other persons, their money is as good as that of those other persons ; but this they will rarely do : they are a clique, a community, that hang together, know each other's object, and combine to bring it about: so, if property was always put up for unreserved sale, what between their hints, their advice, their ridicule, and their bullying, half the company would be deterred from bidding at all; arid as dealers would not bid against each other, property would be all but left to their tender mercy. Dealers will often say they give more for horses at an auction than anyone else there: I know they do, no thanks to them : they do this when they arc commissioned to buy for any gentleman: "WHO'S THE DUPE?" 405 they will then employ each other to oppose each other, and this produces several good effects to them : it makes the public think there is no sort of combina- tion among them : it holds the dealer who buys the horse harmless, whatever he may give, as he can say (nay prove) that D. of such a place, E. of another, and F. of a third, bid nearly the sum he gave ; and he, and all of them, always wish a gentleman to pay enormously for any thing he buys that does not corne out of their hands, as well as what does. Let any one watch the dealers when a horse is at auction : a bid is made ; he will see all their faces turned immediately from the horse and to the company : he will see them peeping and peering about, standing on tiptoe, all on the alert. This is to see who bids, for the who makes all the difference. If a dealer has bid, and they know he wants the horse for himself, they are not only still as mice, but my life on it they walk away, as much as to say " We would not have him at any price ;" and a word or quiz, loud enough to be heard, leaves the horse nearly in their brother dealer's hands. If they find he has got beyond the price their chum intends to give, and they find a gentleman or gentlemen (as they would say) " sweet upon him," back they all come, and run the horse up ; as the next best thing to throwing him into the hands of one of themselves is the making a gentleman pay for daring to buy of any one else. It may be asked if they never get caught in their own trap, and get a horse knocked down to them at more than his value ? Certainly sometimes they do, but very seldom; for they generally can judge pretty accurately by circumstances how far they dare go in their bidding. When, however, they do get caught, it is no great matter : the loss (if any) D D 3 406 A SELECT FEW. is borne among the clique : so it is a mere nothing to each, and eventually it serves the trade. If two or three or more dealers know there is a horse to be sold that would, " at a price" suit each of them, do not flatter yourself (if you knew this) that your horse, or rather yourself, will get a better price on that account ; you will in fact get a worse ; for it then becomes the personal interest of all these to prevent it. He will be bought by any one of them fixed upon, and then be resold by a kind of private auction among those who would have been disposed to bid for him. Nor is it in the power of any auctioneer to totally prevent this combination among the trade, try what he will. No man endeavours to do so more than Mr. Tatter sail : he is always ready to show dealers every proper atten- tion, civility, and accommodation ; but his interest, his character, and it is only doing him bare justice to say, his principles, make him at all times hostile to any thing he thinks looks like combination among them to the injury of gentlemen. If he had not done this, the " Corner" would long since have been deserted by them, instead of being, as it is, and has been for more than half a century, the resort of all the aristocracy of this kingdom, and that of others (when here) who make horses one of their pursuits. This would render any panegyric on Mr. Tattersall or his establishment quite useless on my part if I wished to write one, which I in no way contemplate. I mention the esta- blishment among other things : I have no earthly inte- rest in what I say of it. It is true I have been known to Mr. Tattersall from a boy (though not as HARRY HIE'OVER) ; but I never received a favour from him in my life, and dare say never shall. It has, moreover, happened I never had occasion to sell or buy half a " DICKY GOSSOP, DICKY GOSSOP IS THE MAN." 407 dozen horses in his establishment, and certainly never bought as many by auction in London in any other : but I think my estimation of Mr. R. Tat- tersall is pretty near the mark, when I say I should as soon suspect him of making a guinea by any means that could be construed into bordering on what was dishonourable, as I could conceive him neglecting to make it where it was to be got in a perfectly ho- nourable way. I think I could scarcely prove my perfect conviction of his integrity more strongly. Mr. Dixon's Repository I have been in perhaps a dozen times, never but once on business ; it is quite out of my beat when in London. I once attended the sale of a friend's horse there, received every civility and attention, and the horse was sold in a satisfactory way. Here ends my knowledge of Dixon's. Mr. Robinson's I never was in in iny life. Aldridge's u wot was," I once bought a horse at, and on that occasion, and also once at the King Street Bazaar, I have great pleasure in mentioning the urbanity of manners of Mr. Haughton : here ends my knowledge of London horse auctions. Doubtless there are Nickems enough in London, though not at the places I have mentioned. But whether in London or the country, let us re- turn to friend Nickem, and see how he would manage with a horse placed in his hands to be sold, if not by private sale, by auction. I think I see him chuckling at this double chance afforded him. Now where there are a couple of hundred horses put up every week by auction, a man can go perfectly straightforward, and must make money ; but where his average is perhaps twenty, those twenty must be twisted and turned so as to stand in the place of two hundred, or how is I) T) 4 408 CONVERSATIONES. Nickem to live ? If he was an honest or honourable man, the twenty would starve him ! but Nick worit starve ; to prevent which he does nick them ; and I fear there are not many who would prefer losing their money and time as men of integrity to making money as he does. Nickem, by way of a little every-day dinner, prefers a dish of crimped skate, some calf's head, a teal, arid some fritters, to pickled pork and greens : so do I ; I hate pork. Whether in Nickem's situation I should prefer eating the abomination, as an honest man, to dining as Nick does, my friends must judge: but at all events Nick does not relish the porcine dish, and in fact won't eat it ; so his customers must find him something better. To get this, he must side with dealers, for they would be too strong for him. He goes in this case upon a liberal principle viz. " live and let live" just as a single man's servant in lodg- ings allows the landlady to crib his master's hyson (and indeed every thing else), while she in return never hints that Tom, or Wilson, or Morbleu, as the name may be, charges master nine shillings a pound for what he buys at seven. Thus they take their tea very comfortably together : this is social and liberal. I hope I have the germ in me of these feelings ; but I have a dogged kind of feeling that I must say makes me wish to be so when and to what extent I please ; or in short, as I mentioned of Liston, to " mix for myself." I am quite willing to let others do so ; but then I must not be expected to pay for the melange, as in the following case. I sent my groom and a helper with my horses to a town, wishing to get a fortnight's hunting with some hounds I wanted to see. On bringing in his week's " GIVE ME A CUP OF SACK." 409 bill there was about the usual fair charges for ale and an occasional glass of grog ; but one evening there were three glasses of brandy-punch at Is. Qd. per glass, and share of three bottles of mulled spiced port at G,s. per bottle. I thought this a leetle too strong not the punch or wine, the gentlemen who partook of it could only judge of that but I thought the assur- ance of the thing very strong indeed. The expression of my disapprobation was very strong also. It was certainly very humbly represented to me, that he "had spent the evening with Lord So-and-So's servants, and two or three Baronets' and first-rate men's servants, and he thought I should not like him to be shabbier than they." I added, " it was a bad example to my other man, who was much younger." I was told, however, with every appearance of most indignant feelings, that " Tom was a very good stableman, cer- tainly," but as to the " example," he " hoped I did not think he had so far forgot himself as to introduce Tom to his company ! " I burst into a hearty laugh at this : the laugh made me allow the charge, but I informed my gentleman he must drop these growing aristocratic notions, and in future, if he mixed for himself such expensive ingredients, he must also pay for himself. Nickem likes mulled spiced port ; so do his friends the dealers : they also like their customers to pay for it, and in most cases they make them do so ; and to do this they must work into each other's hands. They of course never oppose Nickem whenever he wishes to buy, and he affords them every facility when they wish to do so. Should they both wish for the same horse, it is managed very easily. Whichever it is de- cided shall be the purchaser takes the lot, the other " stands in." Now standing-in (begging the gentle- 410 TOUCH NOT THE TRIBUTE MONEY. men's pardon for the comparison) means the same thing as one thief stealing the property, the other sharing the profits of the booty. But this is not often done, as Mr. Nickem is rather jealous of being known as a purchaser; and still more jealous of putting him- self in the power of his friend, whose honour he knows, when put in competition with his interest, is about on a par with his own. There is, however, one little ad- vantage Nick has over the dealer, and of course over any one else purchasing and selling in his Repository. This I mention as a profound secret ; indeed I do not say it ever is done ; I merely insinuate that there is a bare possibility of its being distantly contemplated ; for in fact it would be a breach of honour on Nick's part towards Government ; and we must not suppose any thing so truly monstrous as making a shilling at Government's expense. None of our great men do it, ever have done it, or ever will in future. There are, I know, people who say great men have done such things ; nay, are daily doing so now : but those who promulgate such reports are only malignant, hypocri- tical wretches, deserving stripes, banishment, and every misery that flesh is heir to. I do not accuse even Nick of such peculation, but there is no harm in saying what might be done. In some repositories the purchaser pays the auc- tion-duty of one shilling in the pound ; in others, the seller pays it. This, it will be seen, w T ould make no difference in the advantage Nick might contemplate. If the dealer buys a horse at 40/., and has to pay the duty, he stands him in 42/. ; if he buys one where the seller pays it, this is considered by the seller, and he prices his horse accordingly : so the dealer virtually pays the 2/. just the same, as the owner would have THE LION'S SHARE. 411 taken 38/., where he had no duty to pay. Now if Nick buys, he stops the 21. from the seller on paying him : if the purchaser pays, he draws it from him ; so either way Nick gets 21. in his hand. Some people (like the malignant ones I have mentioned) might say they wonder if the 21. ever leaves it. I say of course it does ; it goes to Government, unless in the hurry of business he might on such an occasion forget to pay it over. Should he do so, there is 21. as clear as 21. can be. Now, in selling again, suppose Nick should sell a horse for a dealer at 45/., for which the dealer had given 40/. the same day : the dealer would, in one case, have to pay out of it 405. duty, 45. com- mission to Nick for selling him, and say 2s. to Nick's men, making 4tl. 7s. : so he would only get 13s. profit after all. If the dealer bought where the owner pays the duty, he would make 21. 7s. by his purchase, but, in the latter case, he would have given 21. more out of the horse's value than where the buyer pays. So the 5/. additional is not always to be got ; if he takes 31. advance on the price, he still makes but the 13s. or thereabouts. Now, if Nick buys, he has 21. in hand, which he may forget to hand over ; he stops of course 21. more for selling the horse TO HIMSELF. If he is fortunate enough to sell him at 45^., this really looks like 9/. made at least many people will think so; but I say it is only 7/., for such is my confidence in Nick, that I say he will not forget the 21. duty : I would bet my life he would not FORGET it, not he!* Let us suppose Nickem not to be able to bring down the price of a customer's horse to what he wants him * Since writing the first edition of this work the auction duty has ceased: Nickems therefore now substitute other sources of profit in lieu of the one above alluded to. 412 AMI JUSQU'A LA BOUKSE. at : he advises his being put up to auction, and says, " Very likely, sir, he may bring more at the hammer than I am offered privately." Very likely he would if Nick would let him ; but he worit, and that makes " all the difference." But how can he prevent persons bidding if they are disposed to do so ? He certainly could not ; but he can make them not disposed to do it. The dealers and Nick's friends will not of course do it ; persons who do not want the horse won't ; so it is only a few, at most three or four, or perhaps only one, that will. These are generally easily got over, for the horse is carefully watched in the stable ; so any one looking at him is very soon " made all right " by those employed for the purpose. The man in charge of him sees what is going on quick enough, so he works in the good cause. If any one looks at the horse, he steps up, begs the gentleman " not to take any notice of what he tells him" (he would be wise if he did not) but adds, "the pipes won't do for you, sir;" or " the lamps are going ;" or anything he pleases to say : so he gets a half-crown for his honesty, and is thought a capital fellow, the gentleman loses it and a good horse into the bargain, being, however, perfectly satisfied that Jem, or Tom, at Nickem's, will always give him a hint. Doubtless he will, if he is fool enough to take it : not but that it is good policy in any man who often buys horses at any particular place to give these fellows five or ten shillings if a purchase turns out well, for you then have ten chances in your favour against the man who does not : he is sure to get " a dig "if they can put him in the way of it ; you will not, unless it is their better interest to assist you to one ; but as, gene- rally speaking, it would not be, your money will be well laid out. FAS EST AB 1IOSTE DOCERI. 413 Nothing can seem more fair than Nickem's pro- posing to give a horse the chance of the auction to facilitate his sale ; and so it would really be if he gave him a chance ; but he will not ; for the reason he re- commends the supposed trial is merely to damp the owner's hopes by letting him see that (say) 25/. was all that was bid for a horse for which he expects 40/. If the horse belonged to Nick or his friends, he and they would take very good care this should not be the case : they would not put it in any one's power to see or say that only so much was offered for him ; nor need this be done, if the agent wishes to do his duty to his employer, for he can try how much is bond fide bid, and if he finds a sum very short of the price asked is only offered, it is quite easy for him to run the horse up to something near the price asked. This really assists the sale, as people will think, if they hear 35/. bid by auction, that 40/. cannot be any great deal more than he is worth. For the auctioneer to do this, it may be said, is contrary to the true spirit of an auction. I know it is ; so is people combining to get others' property at less than its fair value. But, if buyers will do what was never contemplated when auctions were first set going, the auctioneer is compelled to fight them at their own weapons ; nor is it any blot upon his character that he fights the good fight for his em- ployer. If he is forced, in some cases, to overstep the strict rules laid down for his guidance, in order to promote fair dealing, the fault is not in him, but in those who by their conduct compel him to do so. But I am now alluding to an honest, honourable man : no fear of Nickem incurring any censure for any one's interest but his own ; and though we must not, as a general maxim, say the end justifies the means, a man's motive in an act makes all the difference in the 414 NICK liETUHNJNG TO HIS FAMILY. culpability or justification of it. That in the long run " honesty is the best policy," is an allowed truism : but then " best policy" does not always include making money. Many circumstances may combine to prevent a man doing this in an honourable way ; but if he does not make, or if he loses, money, he may pre- serve his character, self-esteem, and the good wishes and good offices of his friends ; and this is " best policy," for which he ensures a certain good. Nickems think otherwise. The opinion on such subjects de- pends on the proper or vitiated state of men's minds. Many rogues do make money it is true, but not always ; and, as it is said in the Rehearsal, " suppose the audi- ence should not laugh," where are you then, friend Nick ! The only thing for you is to tuck your coat-tails over your arms, and walk yourself off to your name- sake. You are too known a screw to be sold even at your own auction, though the Devil was the auctioneer. I have now given many hints, many opinions, and some instances of what may T^e and what is clone by some men in the horse world. I introduced these sub- jects, by pledging myself to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth. I have done so : I have, I dare say, mentioned many things that a large proportion of readers " dreamt not of." What I have mentioned I know, but I have by no means mentioned all I know. I have mentioned many of the motives that influence the actions of a certain class of rogues, and some of the means by which they bring them about : but I might write for the next twelve months, and still leave many unnoticed. I never promised or con- templated making any one a match for a rogue : I might as well attempt to teach him to write like Sir Walter Scott. I must go to school again myself, RECOMMENDING MERIT. 415 and make much better use of my time than I have done, to succeed in either. I have read and have by heart also many of the beauties of the one : I have seen and have by heart also many of the rascalities of the other. I may point out to any man still less read than myself, the works of the one for his admira- tion : I may also point out to those who have seen less of the thing than I have done, what, by arousing their suspicions, may assist in saving them from being deceived and victimised by the other as they might have been by such means as I have particu- larised. This is all I have attempted. If we teach a man as many of the indications of an approaching storm as may induce him to get under shelter in time, it is enough for him, unless he wishes to become an astronomer or natural philosopher: so, if he is told enough of the practices of such fellows as Nickem to shelter himself, in this case it is enough also ; for I presume no man would wish to study rascality. If he does, I am quite as incapable as I should be unwilling to be his tutor : in this " the patient must minister to himself." Should he, however, wish to prosecute his studies quite professionally, I shall be happy to point out to him several adepts who can give him that high finish in roguery, only to be learned under the best masters. Should I have the high honour of meeting any individual wishing thus to finish his education, if the meeting should take place in Oxford Street, or at the Corner (on sale days), the probability is I may be able to point out one who has been enthusiastic in his pursuit of knowledge in the art of Nickemising, and completed his education on the Continent : permit me to recommend him as a master. Xay, the lad who accompanies him in his gig is quite competent to bring 416 NO MOKE, THANK YOU. on a young pupil : the master will finish him ; so he will a customer, if he has much to do with him. I can point out many capable masters, but I love to notice particularly transcendent merit ! What information I have got in such matters as I have alluded to has not, I can assure my readers, been gained free of expense : it is a medicine I have been forced to swallow : some of the pills were, I allow, very nicely silvered, others gilt ; but unfor- tunately, it was my silver and gold that I swallowed. The phials were very neatly tied down with crimson paper, and the labels beautifully written : this did not make the contents the less nauseous. I soon became intractable, and would swallow no more : and now, though not a M. D., former dosing has rendered me so aware of kind intentions, that the horse pharmaco- polist who could persuade me his bolus was a preserved cherry, or his dark-coloured draught Chateau Margaux, must know something of his business. If, from what I have written, I may so far have aroused the suspicions of my reader as to prevent his being improperly dosed, my time has not been ill- employed. If I have induced him to avoid the char- latan, and apply only to the honourable and able practitioner, I have done some good: and should he be so unfortunate as to unwittingly apply to the for- mer, if I have shown him enough of the appearance of his drugs as to induce him to refuse a deleterious draught, it is well also ; but far better is it if I can persuade him not to trust to such knowledge, and in all circumstances to apply only to such men as will render any knowledge of the iniquitous practices of rogues uncalled for ; and men of honour and integrity are to be found in all professions, and even in trade. A GOOD POSITION IS HALF THE BATTLE. 417 Under any circumstances that may induce a person to send a horse to a repository, let me advise him first to consider whether he is a competent judge of his value (for what he may have given has nothing to do with it) : if he is not a judge of the value of horses, ' in the name of common sense let him consult some one who really is ; for as at least three-fourths of buyers pay more for a horse than he is worth (in the market), so three-fourths expect a salesman to get them a price the horse will not bring when thus offered for sale. This ends in disappointment both to the agent and the owner. If you go to a respect- able man, tell him candidly all you know about your horse, his failings as well as his merits ; if he really knows you to be a man of good temper and good sense, he will (if asked) not object to give an opinion of the price you may expect, or something very near it : and under such circumstances he should be allowed a dis- cretionary power to either take what he considers the first fair offer, or to hold the horse over if he feels confident of getting a better. Of course this discre- tionary power and this attention to his advice and judgment, must only be awarded to a man known to be one of integrity. If you send a horse to a man to whose general con- duct you are a stranger, the mode of doing it should be this : first get the horse examined by a known veterinary surgeon : it is 105. 6d. generally well laid out, for you may fancy you know whether he is sound or not : if you do, there is not one owner in ten who does. You may know he is not dead-lame, blind, or broken-winded ; but there are many things very short of any of these that will make a PROFESSIONAL very properly reject a horse as an unsound one. It therefore VOL. I. E E 418 HALF A LOAF BETTER THAN NO BREAD. saves time and expense learning this beforehand. Send your horse with a written description of his qualifications and his price ; say he will be left with Mr. so many days for sale ; and if not sold by that day, he will be fetched away. Desire no offers may be communicated to you, as you have made up your mind, and sent his lowest price ; and state he has passed a veterinary surgeon as sound. All this will show an honest man what to do ; and it will show a rogue you are not one to be played with. I might be asked whether a Nickem would not, even in this case, begin some of his tricks ? He might, but I should say he would not : for there are so many with whom he can do so with impunity, that he would not run the risk with one where it seemed likely he could not : and if he has reason to think you are not one he can bamboozle out of 20/., he will rather get his commis- sion by selling your horse, than only get the bare livery ; so he will sell him, or at least try to do so. I have endeavoured to give my reader sufficient hints of the proper and improper practices of dealers and repository keepers to enable him to judge a little of what is intended by either. I have stated many things that may be done by any one in the horse trade, also many things that sometimes are done ; but let me entreat him not to imagine they are always done. A man conversant with the thing might write a treatise on the mode by which property is abstracted from our persons by pickpockets : this does not make pickpockets more numerous, nor need we clap our hands on our pockets whenever we meet a person in the street. Pockets are occasionally picked, and by pick- pockets; men are occasionally robbed, and by horse- VALE. 419 dealers of different sorts: but the difference of the case is very wide indeed. The pickpocket knows how to pick your pocket, and will always do it\ if he can : the dealer may know how to do it also in his way ; so does every tradesman, but they do not always do it ; and I am happy to say there are many who never do. I grant the horse trade affords great facilities for im- position and rascality perhaps no trade more so: the greater the merit then of those men who tread a path so beset with temptations with credit to them- selves and integrity to their customers, who would scorn the practices of a Nickem as much as they would and do the perpetrators of them. Such men and I could point out many are as worthy objects of the esteem of the public, as they are for the imita- tion of their less conscientious brethren in the same avocation. This I give as a Hint to (in concluding the foregoing Hints on) Horse-dealers. GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN-JOCKS, AND 1 GENTLEMEN'S GENTLEMEN. IN venturing my crude thoughts on Gentlemen, I am quite aware that to the liberality of mind that forms so prominent a feature in the attributes of the Gentle- man I alone can trust as a shield against those ani- madversions my incompetency to the task may subject me. On this liberality I throw myself in carrying out my very delicate task, trusting that, from the general tenor of my writing on less difficult subjects, where in the present case I may be in error, it will be E E 2 420 FIAT JUSTITIA. attributed to error of judgment only, but in no case to a wish to offend any class of society collectively. Some gentlemen-jocks may feel offended at what I may say of them : let me remind them that I speak collectively : nay, could bring individually some in- stances in refutation of my general classing of them. This, however, does not in any way invalidate the correctness of my definition en masse. From the gentlemen's gentlemen I expect no suf- frage : I neither expect nor ask it at their hands. If I asked any thing from them, it would be merely that they should feel satisfied that to the best of my ability and judgment I would do them justice ; but this I do not anticipate : for though in the play of John Bull we are told that "justice is justice," it is only enlight- ened minds that will allow it is so when levelled at self. One of the terms used in the heading of this article bears at once the stamp of sporting origin namely, gentlemen-jocks : that of gentlemen comes before us in a more questionable shape : whereas the gentle- man's gentleman is (or rather ought to be) a kind of monstrosity that requires explanation. But in allu- sion to gentlemen as a topic for a sporting work, when we reflect that among the thousands that read such works the majority is composed of gentlemen, and that they are the chief supporters of sporting in its various branches, it must be admitted that whatever bears relation to them is quite in place here : so, to carry on the chain of connection, those who make sporting their chief pursuit must keep animals to enable them to enjoy it : and as they must also keep persons to take care of these animals, those persons become objects of consideration also : but, as in duty BOTTLED PATIENTS. 421 and inclination bound, let us begin with the gentle- man, leaving, as they do in hospitals, the less influen- tial patients to wait to be operated upon as a friend of mine used to say, " they will keep." He was a surgeon, and a very skilful one, an excellent fellow, and moreover a true lover of fox-hunting ; but the consequence of the latter propensity was, that he was at times, when wanted in his business, what he was always when going across country very difficult to catch. I do not mean that he neglected his patients : his heart lay in too good a place for that ; but he sometimes, as he called it, " bottled them," if hounds came within his reach, that is, such patients as lie used to say " would keep." Now I trust the gentle- men-jocks will keep the gentlemen's gentlemen shall keep, "by G ," as Sterne would say: so we will bottle them up for a time, though they may become a little corked by our so doing. In comparing any two or more objects, I conceive the first thing to be done is to define precisely what constitutes each in its separate and relative position ; and then I conclude, though I never learned systema- tically either writing or arithmetic in my life, that by a little addition, subtraction, and division we shall come at the dividend of each. To this end let us first consider what is a gentle- man ? Many may say that every one knows what, or rather who is and who is not a gentleman. / fancy / do ; but I ain quite prepared to expect that many who may read my ideas on the subject will say I do not. Probably they may be right ; but as my fancy- ing I do know what constitutes a gentleman is very far from proof of the fact, so their opinion to the con- trary is no certain demonstration that I do not. If E E 3 422 " 'TIS BUT OPINION AFTER ALL." gentlemen coincide in this opinion, I bow with sub- mission to their decree, for they are competent judges of each other. To expect or hope for the concurrence of all classes in venturing an opinion on any subject would be the height of arrogance and folly : the very old fable of the old man, his son, and the ass, teaches us thus much; the old Latin saying, "frustra labor et qui omnibus tentat placer e" corroborates it; and daily ex- perience* stamps the seal of conviction on our minds of its truth. If, however, every one suffered this to deter him from giving an opinion or promulgating his ideas on any point, the effect would be that no new light would be thrown on any subject. It is discus- sion that brings forth truth ; and he who modestly puts forth his opinions, and subjects them to the cri- ticism of those better informed, I cannot but hope really benefits society. I say I hope, because such are the feelings under which I venture my imperfect impressions. I cannot hold any man merely stating his ideas, or the impression made on his mind by any circumstance, to be guilty of an act of the smallest presumption, unless he does so in such a manner as to lead to the supposition that he considers his opinions incontrovertible, or that he wishes or expects those opinions to be the^atf by which others are to form theirs. Of this charge I not only hope, but confi- dently trust I stand acquitted in the minds of my readers. I feel at least I am innocent of such in- tention. I have to crave pardon of my readers for the egotism I have been guilty of; but I felt it necessary in enter- ing on a subject the most difficult to handle to one who never wishes to offend. If I should therefore say any thing, that, taken " ad hominem" may hurt " WHEN DOCTORS DIFFER," ETC. ETC. 423 the pride of any one, let me entreat him to attribute it to impressions made on my mind by the given opi- nions and sentiments of my progenitors, that have " grown with my growth, and strengthened with my strength : " if those sentiments are wrong, my teachers were more in fault than I. If we were to ask fifty men in fifty different grades of society, and different occupations in life, each to give his definition of what constitutes the gentleman, it would be found that very few, if any of them would coincide in their ideas. Fifty men of the same class would perhaps very nearly agree on this point ; but unless they were of the same class, they assuredly would not. Therefore the utmost any one can hope who ventures on so ticklish a task is, that his opinions may meet corresponding ones among those in a similar stand- ing in society to himself, be that standing what it may. When Mr. Hercules set himself about cleansing certain Augean stables (not kept quite as stables are riow-a-days), it will be allowed he undertook a toughish job ; but as he was a toughish sort of gentleman, it only required time on his part to ensure its comple- tion ; and having completed it, he was certain of com- mendation for his pains : not so the poor wight who attempts describing the gentleman : he is sure of the labour ; also sure of the reprehension of some one ; but as for the commendation, he is fortunate if he gets it from any one. I do wish Master Hercules had un- dertaken this job many may say they wish so too, and may also think I should have been better employed shovelling away while he wrote : but as he did not, I suppose I must attempt it- It is not easy to define anything definitely : some E E 4 424 AN UN RAISIN ABLE PUDDING. may think .it is : and by way of a sample of talent, I will ask them to define a plum-pudding : they may say they could do it merely by the six following words, " a pudding with plums in it." This certainly is a plum-pudding ; but suppose I choose to make one with only one plum in it, this would also be a plum-pud- ding : if so, what becomes of their definition ? They may say there never was one made with only one plum in it : granted ; but that is no reason there never may ; and, in fact, let them try a school-pud- ding ; they will find that by way of a great treat they may get something very like it, and in these hard times, but for Sir Robert Peel's tariff, they would probably, ere this, have been treated with the identical thing itself. The mentioning a plum-pudding and a gentleman in the same sheet may appear somewhat incongruous I admit ; but the incongruity is not altogether so great as may be at first imagined, as the latter very often partakes of the former in one way, and I must confess sometimes in another. In the first case, he is a pudding- eating gentleman ; in the other, a pudding- headed gentleman : but they bear a closer affinity than this, inasmuch as it requires many good and ex- pensive ingredients to make either a perfect plum- pudding or a perfect gentleman. Certes to make the school-pudding, the ingredients are not usually great in number or particularly choice in quality. Though no pupil of Ude or Kitchener, I will venture to give a receipt for a school-pudding : in fact, I could make one. I will afterwards try my hand at a gentleman. In the latter I may probably fail ; but if this dish were produced by some one else, I think I could form some faint idea of the style of man employed in its GRACE (viz. GREASE) BEFORE MEAT. 425 concoction. But for the benefit of all or any of those intending to set up a school, I will give the promised receipt for the pudding (the old stagers know it well enough) : flour (not of the best quality) in propor- tion to the number of boys or young ladies (for the latter the quality somewhat less bad, but not much) ; water d discretion (of anybody) ; fruit a dis- cretion of the mistress (who is always in this most discreet) ; suet or any unctuous matter (the produce of last week's cooking) to help down the delicious composition ; to be, in forma medici, " taken" before the meat (Mem. as a choker to save the latter.) What a blessing of Providence the same hand does not make the leg of mutton ! All that can be done here is to get it tough enough ; but young teeth are tough as well as the mutton, and mutton can only be got tough to a certain degree, otherwise the young gentlemen and ladies would all come home feather weight " in spite of their teeth." On whatever sub- ject I venture to write, I always do so from practical experience, the only excuse I can make for writing at all ; so I do in this matter, having paid close upon a hundred a-year for such indulgence in two different schools ; in return for which I shall write something illustrative of my opinion of those finger-posts to juvenile minds yclept preceptors and preceptresses - Messieurs, Mesdames, et Mademoiselles, au revoir. Let us now see what ingredients we want to make a gentleman. If we ascertain that, we may possibly do a something to alleviate those heart-burnings so often felt on the occasion of races to be ridden by gentlemen, and those by gentlemen-jocks for I really consider the qualification or disqualification of a man to ride where gentlemen only are intended to 426 INGREDIENTS FOR A GENTLEMAN. do so, to be as clear as the difference between a known half-bred horse and the thorough-bred one I say known, because we pretty well know that we do not know how half the half-bred ones are bred. I have said it required many rare ingredients to make a gentleman that is, what in every sense of the word must be held as a perfect gentleman. These ingredients I conceive to be, good family, good educa- tion, good society, good manners, and good conduct. These I consider constitute a gentleman. If we add to these, polished and winning address, and carriage, I think we see something like a perfect gentleman. That a man may be a gentleman without possessing all these advantages, or by possessing them in a very moderate degree, we all know, and courtesy allows the title to many such. Personal merit and superior talent very properly in many cases break down the barrier between the man of family and the plebeian, and every liberal mind must rejoice in seeing the latter burst those bonds that held his forefathers as serfs to his more aristocratic brethren. If, however, fortune only has elevated him (which in a commercial country it may do) to a rank in society to which his most sanguine hopes never aspired, let him remember he owes it to no merit of his own. If superior talents have done this for him, the high attributes of such a mind should teach him that there are numbers of his fellow-men in whose bosom lies the germ of all his qualities, but from its having fallen on a more sterile soil, wants the means to burst forth : and, above all, let him remember that no men despise the advantages of birth but those who do not possess them ; and that in those who profess to do so, it is at best but a vul- gar bravado, a feeble and futile attempt to depreciate advantages they cannot enjoy. "UNREAL MOCKERY, HENCE!" 427 I trust that those who may have so far flattered me as to have read my fugitive thoughts and opinions on various subjects, will give me credit for not intending to venture a treatise on the relative position of the gentleman and the plebeian, but will feel convinced I never attempt anything like a treatise on any sub- ject; but as in gentlemen-riders and gentlemen-jocks, the term Gentleman will be brought in question, it becomes necessary to myself that my ideas of what a gentleman is should be known, otherwise I should make at best but a matiere embrouillee of the whole. Fortunate will it be for me, if, in treating on so deli- cate a subject, I escape with no stronger manifestation of displeasure. I have said, many or some might think six words would define a plum-pudding ; I really do think I have shown they would not. Many think a gentleman as easily defined ; but they would equally find themselves in error ; for the opinions of the attributes of a gentleman vary in accordance with the source from wh^ch they emanate. Pindar tells us the beau ideal of one of his heroes of a gentleman was the eating " fat pork and riding on a gate." I once heard a gentleman described as "he who had money, and the will to spend it." The honest bluff country- man says, " he's a gentleman that keeps his horse, and pays everybody their own." The low tradesman thinks the nice young man quite a gentleman who wears showy waistcoats, clothes in the extreme (consequently out) of fashion, and pays him. The worthy keeper of an inferior lodging-house holds up her lodger as a gentle- man if he allows her to cater for him, and consequently keep her family out of the crabbings at his expense. Multifarious and equally erroneous are the opinions formed of gentlemen by inferior people. Krroneous 428 LIONS. the} 7 must be, because the generality of such persons are rarely brought in contact with gentlemen, conse- quently have no criterion to appreciate them by. The three best judges of a gentleman I should say must be first, gentlemen, who of course judge of others by them- selves ; next, first-rate tradespeople, because in trade they are in the habit of seeing their manners and ha- bits ; thirdly, superior servants, who see gentlemen and gentlewomen (ladies, as inferior persons always call them) throughout the day. A cheesemonger would consider himself highly offended on being put on a par with a servant. Doubtless he is held in the world's estimation as the more respectable and respon- sible person (Mem. quaere in both cases, but particu- larly in the latter? ) but supposing him to be both, he is not as competent a judge of a gentleman. How should he be ? he probably never saw one at table or in a drawing-room in his life (unless he crept up the lamp-post to get a peep). The servant has seen the thing daily for years, and could give a tolerable high- life-below-stairs imitation of the manners, and cer- tainly of the habits of his master. Our worthy cheesemonger would have about as clear a conception of a gentleman mounting the well-lit well-aired stair- case lined with exotics of a woman of fashion, as he would have of a crocodile forcing his way through the reedy banks of the Nile. The Egyptian or English animal, placed in the situation of a gentleman, would, I conceive, be about equally out of their element, and on their names being announced would create about an equal sensation ; doubtless they would be the lions of the night. Supposing the sketch I have so slightly drawn of the gentleman to be tolerably true to nature, or rather GENTLEMEN BY COURTESY. 429 to the received opinion of society (I mean society composed of gentlemen), I conceive that any man, unless he possesses the most overweening vanity or obtuseness of intellect, can decide for himself how far he does or does not possess the requisites of a gentle- man, and by so doing save himself the mortification of repulse when he attempts to step within that magic circle that encompasses aristocracy. Superior talent and superior worth may cause his being tolerated, nay, invited within its prescribed limits, but neither gives the right to enter there. These limits are not like those of the rainbow, so softened down that they can hardly be ascertained ; but are clear and definite, however much personal vanity may mislead people. Were it otherwise, distinction in society would be lost. This would certainly be one mode of doing away with any disputes as to gentlemen, gentlemen -jocks, and regular jocks ; but as we have not come to that state yet, we will see whether there is not a better way of settling this oft-disputed matter. Whether I understand the character of a gentleman or not, the definition I have given must decide : but that of a jock I certainly can estimate, as he is neither more nor less than a servant regularly engaged to one or more persons to serve him or them, or one ready to be engaged by any one requiring his services. The first character I will not presume so far as to say I have defined so as to be beyond contradiction ; the latter I certainly have : at all events I think it will be conceded to me that a gentleman is not a pro- fessional jock, and equally that the professional jock is not a gentleman. We now come to that anomaly styled gentleman-jock. We might as well say gentle- man-dustman. If some gentleman who could ride a 430 GENTLEMEN BY RIGHT. race as well as a professional jockey was so reduced in fortune as to be obliged to have recourse to riding for the public as a mean of support, we might very appropriately style him a gentleman -jock, because he would be both a gentleman and a jockey, and perhaps such a character exists; but in a general sense the term is inappropriate and absurd. If a kind of inter- mediate character was intended to be specified, I can only say I should consider him a most useless one ; for he would not, by habits, standing in society, or probably manners, be a fit associate for the gentle- man, nor would he, in point of ability, be able to compete with the jockey. To render races to be ridden by gentlemen select, latterly, they are in some cases specified to be ridden by Members of such a Hunt or Hunts, Members of such Clubs, or Officers : this I consider as hardly fair ; for a man may be a perfect gentleman, and not come under either of these denominations: he would therefore be without any good reason excluded. I think we might put the thing in a more tangible and definite position, if races were appointed to be ridden by gentlemen, yeomen, or jockeys. This would make three clearly different characters of riders, neither of which could interfere with the other. I conclude the first intention of races to be ridden by gentlemen was of course as a means of gentlemen running and riding their own horses among themselves, to the very proper exclusion of the professional rider, with whom, of course, in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, gentlemen would have no chance. Those appointed to be ridden by gentlemen- jockeys were, I suppose, intended to let in a middle class of persons, neither quite gentlemen nor quite jockeys. The instituting amusement for all classes is " NE SUTOR ULTRA CREPIDAM." 431 doubtless both laudable and praiseworthy, be those amusements what they may ; and certainly no set of men have a greater right to share in sporting amuse- ments than respectable country yeomen, for on the forbearance, good humour, and good feeling of such men, much of the sporting amusements of the higher orders depend. They are therefore entitled to have every facility given them in enjoying similar enter- tainment, and races for yeomen-riders would afford this desideratum. There could be no objection to gentlemen riding with the yeomen, or gentlemen or yeomen riding in the same race with jockeys, if they wished it, or fancied themselves equal to the competi- tion ; but as a jockey is a definite term, there could be no chance of his being put up to ride with either the gentleman or yeoman : it therefore becomes desirable to prevent the yeoman attempting to ride with gentle- men in gentlemen's races. Having attempted to define the latter, let us see how we can define the yeoman, a character that I consider in his relative position in society to be as highly respectable as the first magnate in the land ; perhaps oftentimes a more useful member of that society : but all this does not make him a gentleman, or in a general way a fit associate for one. The day- labourer, who supports his family by the sweat of his brow in a decent manner, is, so far as bare respect- ability goes, as respectable an actor on the world's wide stage as the Duke of Devonshire, or any equally exalted character : but respectability does not make a gentleman : it is a term we do not use as applying to them (I am sorry to say we sometimes cannot) : we infer that a gentleman is of course respectable, and the saying he was so would be no more a compliment 432 " TAKE ANY FORM BUT THIS." to him than if, in speaking of a virtuous woman, we were to say she did not walk the streets or the lobbies of Drury Lane Theatre. In some corroboration of this, I beg to mention an anecdote of a friend of mine. He was a man of good family, good education, and some talent. On going to reside for some time in a large pro- vincial town in which he had no acquaintance, he mentioned this circumstance in the presence of a per- son I have named, in the course of what I have written, as holding a prominent situation in the sport- ing world as a man of business and high integrity ; so his business-ideas led him to think that in a letter of introduction given to my friend he did his best in de- scribing him as a very respectable man. The letter was open, so my friend of course saw the contents. Many persons would think he ought to have been gra- tified by such a recommendation ; so far from being so he flew into a great rage, on reading the ill-fated, or, as he considered, ill-worded letter. " Respectable !" cried he several times over : " respectable and be d d to him ! by G , were he a gentleman and styled me respectable, I would have him out. Did he suppose I wanted him to tell people I was not a thief? " I need not say the letter of introduction was never delivered. Respectable, so far as it regards tradesmen and yeomen, is as high a term of commendation as can be applied to them ; and if they would be content with being respectable, without wishing to be thought (as they term it) genteel, or, in other words, gentlemen, their banker's account would, perhaps, often be better filled, and the bankrupt account in the Gazette be less so : but this craving for a something unpossessed ruins half the world, and is the means of rendering thou- "A MAN'S A MAN FOR A' THAT." 433 sands as much below respectability as my friend held himself above it. This makes the gentleman-jock want to be a gentleman, and creates a wrangle if refused to ride as such. I think I need scarcely trouble my readers by a description of the yeoman : by the term yeoman we generally mean to imply that most respectable set of men called, in other terms, gentle men -farmers. Here, again, the term is inappropriate, for it leads to misconstruction. Why, in the name of common sense, is the term Gentleman to be tacked on ? We never hear of a gentleman-merchant. If the term gen- tleman-farmer means to imply a man who farms his own land, or a part of it, then the owner of a two- acre field is a gentleman-farmer, and so is the Duke of Bedford : we might as well style him and others noble- m?z-farmers to describe them. They are noblemen who choose to farm their own land, but it would be ludicrous to style them noble or noblemen-farmers. The gentleman of large landed estates who keeps all or a portion in his own hands, is a gentleman who farms those lands ; but we should not call the late Mr. Coke, of Norfolk, merely a gentleman-farmer ; he is, or was, a gentleman the farmer need not be added : nor to a common farmer, because he happens to own the land, or a part of the land, he cultivates, can we appropriately add the term gentleman : he is & farmer, and no more. Why can he not be content with so respectable a denomination, without aiming at a title to which he has no pretensions, and in doing which he most probably renders himself ridiculous, and chal- lenges his own mortification ? The gentleman is a gentleman, whether he farms or not ; the others are large or small farmers, and not gentlemen. VOL. I. F F 434 COMING TO THE POINT. When I have mentioned the term yeoman, I have done so because I know of no other one word that could so effectively describe a person as being neither of the lowest class, a professional jock, or a gentleman; but I trust I will put it in the power of any man of com- mon sense to decide for himself whether he is entitled to ride in a gentleman's race or not. We will suppose a race to be ridden by gentlemen in Lord Wilton's park. Let a man wishing to ride in that ask himself this simple question : " Am I a man that the noble patron of the races could, without any dereliction of etiquette, invite to his table to meet his lady and friends?" If conscience and common sense say yes, he is fit to ride in such a race ; if conscience says no, he has no greater right to feel either hurt or offended in not being allowed to ride as a gentleman, than if refused a seat at the dinner table. It may be said he might fancy himself fit for both situations : if a man is a fool, nobody can make him otherwise, and he must abide the consequences : if he is a sensible man, the criterion I have given whereby to estimate his pretensions will suffice. If, from too much or too little modesty, he is in doubt, let him consult a gentle- man, and he will set him right. If he never rode for hire, he is certainly not professional ; if he is not fit to dine at a nobleman's table, he is not (in every sense} a gentleman. What then is he ? a man in the middle ranks of society a yeoman till we find a better term to designate him by ; and, consequently, if fond of riding races, may ride wherever he pleases, but not in races to be ridden by gentlemen only. In noblemen or gentlemen's parks, races to be ridden by Corinthians are all very well, quite in character, and very appropriate amusements. They may also, of course, add races for farmers, and tenants, yeomanry TRUE GREATNESS IS SHOWN IN CONDESCENSION. 435 cavalry races, and any races they please. Such meet- ings afford amusement to perhaps thousands, not merely on the day or days, but for months inprospectu, and also in recollection. They do a great deal of good ; they show a wish on the part of an influential man to afford amusement to his tenants, neighbours, and de- pendents, as well as to his friends; and I glory in seeing a man mount a horse for one of such persons, and, as Lord Howth would, do his best to beat his own friends on farmer Such-a-one's nag. This pro- duces a proper kindred feeling between superiors and their less affluent neighbours, who, if they are worth pleasing, will not presume on such condescension. But to institute races to be ridden by gentlemen on public race-courses, I must consider useless, if not worse ; for I cannot see any good that can possibly result from them, but a great deal of bickering, jealousy, and frequently dispute, is all but the sure result, I have heard that the coal-shipping interest is supported so strongly on the consideration that it is a nursery for seamen, a kind of papboat institution for our jolly tars. This I doubt not is quite right and judicious ; so would it be to have races for gentlemen, if we meant to make the occupation of a professional jock that of a gentle- man ; but till this is contemplated, I must consider that private race-courses are the places for races including private gentlemen only. Races excluding professional riders even on public courses are quite proper ; it gives amusement, and gratifies the harmless vanity of many who may wish to be seen in silk, and cannot make this little display of emulation (for I will not call it ostentation) on private courses: but then let such races be open to any rider not profes- sional. If a gentleman wishes to ride in these, he can F F 2 436 " BE THOU FAMILIAR, BUT BY NO MEANS VULGAR." do so, and there can be no degradation in his doing it : if there was, he must not ride with hounds ; for whe- ther a man rides over a country side by side with his inferiors, or whether he rides over a course with them, cannot make any difference as to putting them on an equality after the chase or race is over, nor need either produce any intimacy during their continuance ; on the contrary, the bringing the noble or man of birth and fortune in temporary contact with the plebeian must produce a beneficial effect if the conduct and manners of the former are consistent with their station in society, for the latter will then see a superiority, and at the same time, an urbanity of manner, in his supe- rior, that will challenge his respect and goodwill ; at least, so it ought to do. I am quite one to deprecate the " toe of the tradesman treading on the heel of the courtier ; " but that gentleman must possess little of the tact of one if he suffers the mere riding a race with his inferiors to bring on any improper familiarity. There is among gentlemen an extreme politeness that they know how to bring into play (when wanted), that keeps the inferior in his proper place, without his being able to account for his feeling flattered and kept at a distance by the same conduct : so any fear of the clashing of different classes of society by gentlemen occasionally riding in races with their inferiors, I can- not conceive as likely to occur. I am willing to allow, and have before said, that I consider we have A FEW gentlemen who can ride a race nearly as well as our best professional jocks, and much better than some of the professionals ; but the number of such gentlemen (from want of practice ONLY) must be very small. In a race among gentle- men I have often seen one or two ride beautifully; but I must say I cannot challenge my memory with 'KOMEO, ROMEO, WHEREFORE ART THOU ROMEO ?" 437 ever having seen seven or eight gentlemen ride to- gether where on the whole the race was even tolerably ridden. It is something like a provincial theatrical company, where two or three are equal to better things, the others not equal to anything. Where I knew every gentleman going to ride, and every horse, I should certainly feel great interest in the race ; and, though I should not tell them so, perhaps a great part of .that interest would be the seeing how some of them would ride. I think I can give my reader a little hint if he ever contemplates a bet where gentlemen ride "never mind the horse; back the man'' 1 unless the race was between Alice Hawthorn and The Duenna at equal weights : even then, I think, put Lord Howth on The Duenna, I could mention some gentlemen who would get Alice Hawthorn beat ; and yet I have seen such men ride their own horses, and when they could, those of their neighbours. As to any gratification in seeing such a man as the latter ride, it must only be similar to that of seeing Romeo Coates perform for the amusement of the public. By having races for gentlemen on public courses, we only substitute a bad race for a good one, without producing the end in- tended, if anything good was intended by them, namely, affording amusement to those who could not get it elsewhere. I must, therefore, consider that at such places the only different classification of riders required is professional and non-professional. We have no fox-hounds for gentlemen only: why then races ? The nobleman and gentleman ride when with hounds with horse-dealers, tradesmen, farmers, butchers, and even a chimney-sweep, and no harm arises from it : if, therefore, they wish to ride on pub- lic courses, no more harm or familiarity could arise r F 3 438 CONDESCEND, BUT NEVER DESCEND. from riding with the same persons in a race. In either situation they do not ride as companions of such per- sons : we might as well wish to have one side of the public street set apart for gentlemen. If in riding a race a gentleman preserves the manners and conduct of one, he need fear no contamination : if he does not so conduct himself, the contamination might be feared by the other party, if they do. A gentleman would be no better four-in-hand man from learning the low slang or adopting the manners of a stage-coachman, nor would he be the better rider for adopting the manners of some jockeys. A gentleman, avoiding the common and most mistaken idea of some, that it behoves them to be all in all the coachman or the common jockey, might ride by the side of either all his life, and would find them touch their hat to him as respectfully afterwards as if he had not done so. If a gentleman never farther derogates from his cha- racter than by merely riding (if he would venture to do so) in the same race with professional jockeys, he will do well enough : if he thinks not, then (and perhaps he does wiser) let him ride with his equals only, and only in places where his equals do ride. Public race-courses are places for the amusement of the public at large : that public all in some way do a something that supports the races, for they all cause a circulation of money there, consequently have a right to be amused. Now I imagine gentlemen in riding there do not contemplate amusing that public by making Tommy Noodles of themselves ; and if they fancy they gratify the public by their fine riding, I will venture to say nine out of ten fail in the latter way, however successful they maybe in tlio former; nnd I must say I should strongly advise friends (and I "NATURE'S JOURNEYMEN." 439 have no right to advise any other persons) not to ride on a public race-course unless they are good enough to ride with public jockeys ; otherwise they are only about as welcome an interruption as it would be to have introduced between the acts of Hamlet, where Kemble and Mrs. Siddons were playing, an interlude for amateur actors. I never saw those great actors ; but I conceive they would have been good enough for one evening's gratification without the other interest- ing addition. An amateur performance in a noble- man's house is an intellectual and sometimes a grati- fying exhibition ; but do not treat us with it at Drury Lane, where we expect to see Macready, Kean, and such performers. A gentleman's race is a very pretty thing in its place : it teaches men to ride ; and when they can ride, as some men can do, they would gratify the public by showing themselves; but do Aot, pray, inflict on us an exhibition of those who cannot, and whose riding would be a laughing matter to every one but their horses. If, therefore, in any public race the only distinction between the jocks was professional or non-professional, none of the wrangles as to gentlemen-jocks would arise, and this is all the distinction the public wants or sporting requires : at least, submitting with defer- ence to the opinions of others, I conceive it to be so. I am sure of one thing ; it would prevent a great deal of ill-feeling among the sporting world, and to promote so desirable a result (or, I should rather say, to induce some more influential person to do so), has been my chief aim in writing the foregoing pages. I in no shape presume so far as to consider myself of import- ance enough to effect this. If I ever get so much credit as to be considered one of the wheels that set r F 4 440 A DOCTOR WANTED. the machinery in motion, iny utmost hope will have been realised. The gist, therefore, of what I have written I conceive amounts to this that races to be ridden by gentlemen are quite proper in their proper place; races to be ridden by any one but a profes- sional jock, equally useful and proper in theirs ; and of course (so long as sporting exists) races to be ridden by professional jocks quite necessary to the sporting world : but for the sake of that sporting world, let these several races be denned. If I have not shown that they may be so denned, my time has been thrown away, and the patience of my reader taxed to no purpose. I have pointed out what I con- ceive to be injudicious (it requires no great ability to do this) : let me hope an abler pen will have influence enough to produce a remedy. I point out the disease, suggest to the best of my abilities what I consider an anodyne, but I submit to the physician : if he pre- scribes well, few of his brethren will better merit their guinea. We now come to that most strange, most monstrous anomaly, the gentleman's gentleman, a kind of gen- tleman I should never have mentioned but from the fear, that, unless some check-rein is put on them, they will not be confined to the dressing-room, but we shall be getting a spurious sort of them in our stables. We shall have riding boys wanting Mareschino before they go out to early exercise if the morning happens to be cold ; and a Whip sporting his best Havanna and flask of Cura^oa by the covert side : so we shall then have gentlemen -whips : a pretty mess we shall then be in. Let us have gentlemen, jockeys, and servants ; but for God's sake no gentlemen-jocks or gentlemen's-gentle- men. The term certainly never was applied to ser- " TO MAKE A WASH WOULD HARDLY STEW A CHILD." 441 vants generally ; and when it has been applied to a certain grade of menials, whether it arose from the affectation of some one who wished it to be thought he never let anything short of a gentleman " come between the wind and his nobility/' I know not ; but it certainly in any case is a ridiculous term. A man of fortune, of course, requires his linen well aired, the fire in his dressing-room kept up, his clothes laid out ready for use, his dressing apparatus at hand, and many minor little offices done for him that others wot not of: but I must think a respectable man is equal to do this ; for we are not to suppose a gentleman wants to be edified by the opinions or sentiments of his ser- vant. Perhaps the term originated with some bel esprit among the fraternity, who enjoy the privilege of giving an opinion on what combination of cosmetics (according to the moment) may best serve their lordly master's complexion "to this complexion we must come at last" (God of his mercy forbid it! for where cosmetics are wanted it must be a bad one) or the term may have had its origin from some man of common sense, who invented it in derision of the dress, manners, habits of life, contemptible and dis- gusting arrogance of these gentlemen : but the term has been used, and about as sensibly as that of gentle- men jocks, be its origin what it may ; and really those habits of indolence, impertinence, and expense that formerly were confined to these gentlemen's gentle- men, are making inroads, ay railroads, in the minds of ordinary servants, and are going on under high pressure too. Show me a more insufferable insolent imp than the present "tiger," lounging by the side of his master like a woman of ton in IUT r;irri;i respect they show where respect is due ; and whether in the house, the stables, the kennel, or 444 MAUVAIS TON. the garden, whatever is done is well done. Where the conduct of the family corresponds with their rank in life, that of the servants will in theirs be upon the same principle : where the master or family are scamp- ish, the servants will be the same ; and we may fairly describe those of such a man by saying, half the men are rogues, and half the women something else. If such heads of families knew the inferences drawn from the conduct of their servants, they would be convinced of the very bad taste they exhibit in tolerating the existing insolence of demeanour of their people. Idle- ness in a servant may be pardoned, because allowed habit may have brought it on ; drunkenness may be overlooked, if we have allowed bad example to bring it on: even dishonesty, if it has arisen from improper temptation having been left in the way ; but impertinence in a servant to any one admits of no ex- cuse. I am quite sure even the apparent trifling cir- cumstance of permitting a certain style of dress con- tributes towards it. I allow that a servant's hand covered while waiting at table may be more congenial to aristocratic eyes than one bare ; but surely white kid gloves at 3s. 6 Rich's Comp. to Latin Dictionary 18 Perry's Franks ... .17 Arts, Manufactures, and Richardson's Art of Horsemanship 18 Riddle's Latin Dictionaries - - 18 Porter'* Knights of Malta - - 18 Raikes's Journal - - - - 18 Architecture. Roget's English Thesauius - - 19 Riddle's Latin Lexicon - 18 Rowton's Debater - 19 Rogers's Essays from Edinb. Reviewl9 Engine - - 4 Brande's Dictionary ofScipnce,&C. 4 " Organic Chemistry- - 4 Cresy's Civil Engineering - - 6 Fairbairn's Informa. for Engineers 7 Short Whist - - 20 Simpson's Handbook of Dining - 20 Thomson's Interest Tables - - 23 Webster's Domestic Economy - 24 Willich's Popular Tables - - 24 AVilmot's Blackstone - 24 (Sam.) Recollections - 19 Rogefs English Th^aurus - - 19 SchimmelPenr.inck's Meir.oirs of Port Royal - - - 19 SchimmelPennin'ck's Principles of Beauty &c. - - 19 Gwilt's Encyclo. of Architecture - 8 Harford's Plates from M. Angelo - 8 Humphreys's Parablet Illuminated 1 1 Jameson's Saints and Martyrs - 11 " Monastic Orders - -11 ti Legends of Madonna - 11 Botany and Gardening. Hawaii's British Freshwater Alite 9 Hooker's British Flora - 9 Schmitz's History of Greece - 19 Southey's Doctor - - - - 21 Stephen's Ecclesiastical Biographv 21 " Lectures on French History 21 Sydney Smith's Works - 20 " Guide to Kew Gardens - 9 Lectures - - 21 Konig'sPicto-ial Lift of Luther - 8 Loudon's Rural Architecture - 13 Lindley's Introduction to Botanv 13 " Synopsis of the British " Memoirs - - 20 Taylor's Loyola - - - . 21 < Wesley - - - 21 MacDomgall's Campaigns of Han- nibal ----- 14 MacDougall's. Theory of War - 14 Most-ley's Engineering - - - 16 Piesse's Art of Perfumery - - K Richardson's Artof Horsemanship 18 ScofFern on Projectiles, &c. - - 19 Flora - 13 " Theory of Horticulture - 13 Loudon's Hortus Britannicus - 13 " Amateur Gardener - 13 " Trees and Shrubs - - 13 " Gardening - 13 " Plants - - - - 13 Thirlwall's History of Greece" - 23 Turner's Anglo-Saxons - - 23 Uwins's Memoirs - - - - 23 Vehse's Austrian Court - - - 23 Wade's England's Greatness - 23 Young's Christ of History - - 24 Steam-Engine, by the Artisan Club 4 Pereira's Materia Metlica - - 17 t're's Dictionary of Arts, &c. - 23 Rivers'? Rose-Amateur's Guide - 19 Watson's Cybele Britamiica - 24 Geography and Atlases. Biography. Wilson's British Mosses - - 24 Brewer's Historical Atlas - . 4 Arago's Lives of Scientific Men - BailHe's Memoir of Bate Chronology. Butler's Geography and Atlases - 5 Cabinet Gazetteer - ... 5 Brialmont's Wellington Bunsen's Hippolytus - Bunting's (Dr.) Life - Crosse's (Andre-.v) Memorials - Green's Princesses of England - 6 Harford's Life of Michael Angelo - 8 Lardner's Cabinet Cyclopaedia - 12 Marshman's Life of Carey, Marsh- Brewer's Historical Atlas - - 4 Bunsen's Ancient Egypt - - 6 Haydn's Beatson's Index 9 Jaquemet's Chronology - - 11 " Abridged Chronology - 11 Nicolas's Chronology of History - 12 Johnston's General Gazetteer - 11 M'Culloch's Geographical Dictionary 14 Maunder's Treasury of Geography 15 Murray 's Encyclo. of Geography - 16 Sharp's British Gazetteer - - 20 Juvenile Books. man, and Ward - - - 14 Maunder's Biographical Treasury- 15 Morris's Life of Becket - 16 Commerce and Mercantile Affairs. Amy Herbert ----- 20 CleveHall ^ Mountain's (Col.) Memoirs - - 16 Parry's (Admiral) Memoirs - - 1" Russell's Memoirs of Mooi e - - 16 " (Dr.) Mezzofanti - - 19 SchimmelPennmck's (Mrs.) Life - 19 Gilbart's Logic of Banking - 8 " Treatise on Banking 8 Lori|ner's Young Master Mariner 13 M'Culloch's Commerce ANavigati n 14 Thomson's Interest Tables - 23 Earl's Daughter (The) - 20 Experience of Life - 20 Gertrude - - - - - 20 Hewitt's Boy's Country Book - 10 " (Mary) Children's Year - 10 Southey's Life of Wesley - - 21 Stephen's Ecclesiastical Biography 21 Strickland's Queens of England - 21 Sydney Smith's Memoirs - - 20 Symond's (Admiral) Memoirs - 21 Taylor's Loyola - 21 Wesley - 21 Tooke's History of Pi ices - 23 Criticism, History, and Memoirs. Brewer's Historical Atlas - - - Katharine Abhton - - - 20 LanetonPaisonage - - 20 Margaret Percivil - - - - 20 Piesse's Chvmieal, Natural, nnd Physical Magic . - 18 Pycroft's Collegian's Guide - - 18 Uwins's Memoirs - - - - 23 Bunsen's Ancient Egypt Waterton's Autobiography & Essays 24 Books of General Utility. Acton's Bread-Book ... " Hippolytus - Chapman's Gustavus Adolphus - Conybeare and Howson's St. Paul Connolly's Sappers and Miners - Crowe's History of France Medicine, Surgery, 8ec. Brodie's Psychological Inquiries - Bull's Hints to Mothers- - " Cookery - - - - Black's Treatise on Brewing - Frazer's Letters during the Penin- sular and Waterloo Campaigns 8 4 ' Managementof Children Cabinet Gazetteer - - - - " Lawyer - Cust's Invalid's Own Book - Hints on Etiquette - 9 Hudson's Executor's Guide - - 10 " on Making Wills - - 10 Kesteven's Domestic Medicine - 12 Lardner's Cabinet Cyclopaedia - 12 Loudon's Lady's Country Compa- nion - 13 Gleig's Essays 8 Gurney'a Historical Sketches - 8 Hay ward's Essays - 9 Herschel's Essays and Addresses - 9 Jeffrey's ( Lord )'Esfays - - 11 Kemble's Anglo-Saxons - - H Lardner's Cabinet Cyclopaedia - 12 Macaulay's Crit. sad Hist. Essays 13 " History of England - 13 Speeches - - - 13 Copland's Dictionary of Medicine Cust's Invalid's Own Book - Holland's Mental Physiology " Medical Notes uul Reflect. Kesteven's Domestic Medicine - 1 Pereiri's Materia Medica - - n Richardson 's Cold- Water Cure - 18 Spencer's Psychology - - - 21 Todd's Cyclopaedia of Anatomy and Phjsiology - - - '. o, 2 CLASSIFIED INDEX TO GENERAL CATALOGUE. Miscellaneous and General Literature. Bacon's (Lord) Works - 3 Defence of Eclipse of Faith - - 7 De Fonblanque on Army Adminis tration - ' Eclipse of Faith - 7 Fischer's Bacon and Realistic Phi- losophy ----- 1 Greathed's Letters from Delhi - S Greyson's Select Correspondence - 8 Gurney's Evening Recreations - & Hassall'sAdulterations Detected,&c. 8 Havdn's Book of Dignities - 9 Holland's Mental Physiology - 9 Hooker's Kew Guid - - - 9 Hewitt's Rmral Life of England - 10 " VisitstoRemarkablePlaceslO Jameson's Common place -Book - 1: Last of the Old Squires - - 17 Letters of a Betrothed - - - 13 Macaulay's Speeches - - - 1 Mackintosh'sMiscellaneous VVjrhS H Martineau's Miscellanies - - 14 Pvcroft'8 English Reading - - 11 Rich's Comp. to Latin Dictionary If Riddle's Latin Dictionaries - - If Rowton's Debater _ - - is Sir Roger De Coverley - - - JO Southey's Doctor, &c. - .'-} Spencer's Essays - - - - 21 Stow's Training System - - 21 Thomson's Laws of Thought - 23 Trevelyan on the Native Languages Ivors ; or, the Two Cousins - 20 Jameson's Sacred Legends - - 11 " Monastic Legends - - 11 Legendsof the Madonna 11 " Lectures on Female Em- Peschel's Elements of Physics - 17 Phillips's Mineralogy - - - 17 " Guide to Geology - - 17 Powell's Unity of Worlds - - 18 Smee's Electro-Metallurgy - - 20 Steam-Engine (The) - - 4 Webb's Celestial Objects for Com- mon Telescopes - - - 24 Rural Sports. Baker's Rifle and Hound in Ceylon Elaine's Dictionary of Sports - 4 Cecil's Stable Practice - 6 " Stud Farm - 6 Davy'sFishing Excursions, 2 Series 7 Ephemera on Angling - 7 " 's Book of the Salmon - 7 Freeman and Salvin's Falconry - 8 Hawker's Young Sportsman - - 9 The Hunting -Field ... 9 Idle's Hints on Shooting - - 11 Pocket and the Stud ... 9 Practical Horsemanship - 9 Pycroft's Cricket Field - - 18 Richardson's Horsemanship - - 18 KonalHs' Fly-Fisher's Entomology 19 Stable Talk and Table Talk - - 9 Stonehenge on the Dog - - - 21 " on the Greyhound 21 The Stud, for Practical Purposes - 9 Veterinary Medicine, &c. Cecil's Stable Practice - 6 " Stud Farm - - - 6 Hunt's Horse and his Master - 11 Hunting- Field (The) - 9 Miles's Horse-Shoeing - 15 " on the Horse's Foot - - 15 Pocket and the Stud - - - ' 9 Practical Horsemanship 9 Richardson's Horsemanship - 18 Stable Talk and Table Talk - 9 Stonehenge on the Dog - . -21 Stud (The) - - - - 9 Youatt's Work on the Dog - - 24 Youatt's Work on the Horse - 24 Voyages and Travels, Baker's Wanderings in Ceylon - 3 Earth's African Travels - 4 Burton's East Africa - - - t " Medina and Mecca - 5 Domenech's Texas - - - 7 " Deserts of North America 7 Firstlmpressions of the NewWorld 7 Forester's Sardinia and Corsica - 8 HinchlifT s Travels in the Alps - 9 Hewitt's Art Student in Munich - 10 " (W.) Victoria - 10 Hue's Chinese Empire - - - 10 Hudson and Kennedy's Mont Blanc - - 10 Humboldt's Aspects of Nature - 10 Hutchinson's Western Africa - 11 Kane's Wanderings of an Artist - 11 Lady's Tour round Monte Rosa - 12 M'Clure's North- West Passage - 17 MacDougall'sVoyage of thelieioltitc 14 Minturn'sNew York to Delhi - 15 Mollhausen's Journey to the Shores of the Pacific - 15 Osborn's Quedah - 17 Peaks, Passes, and Glaciers - 17 Scherzer's Central America - - 19 Senior's Journal in Turkey ami Jeremy Taylor's Works - - - 11 Katharine Ashton - - - 20 KGnig's Pictorial Life of Luther - 6 Laneton Parsonaee - - 20 Letters to my Unknown Friends 13 Lyra Germanica 5 Maguire's Rome - 14 Margaret Percival - - - - 20 Marshman's Serampore Mission - 14 Martineau's Christian Life - - 14 " Hymns - - 14 Studies of Christianity 14 Merivale's Christian Records - 15 Milner'8 Church of Christ - - 15 Moore on the Use of the Body - 16 " " Soul and Body - 16 " 's Man and his Motives - 16 Mornin<* Clouds - - - - 16 Neale's Closing Scene - 16 Pattison's Earth and Word - - 17 Powell's Christianity without Ju- daism - - - - 18 " Order of Nature - - 18 Readings for Lent - 20 " Confirmation - - 20 Robinson's Lexicon to the Greek Self-Examination for Confirmation 20 Se well's History of the Early Cl.urch - - - 20 Sinclair's Journey of Life - - 20 Smith's (Sydney)" Moral Philosophy 21 " (G.) Wesleyan Methodism 20 " (J.) St. Paul's Shipwreck - 20 Southey's Life of Wesley - - 21 Stephen's Ecclesiastical Biography 21 Taylor's Loyola - 21 " Wesley - - - - 21 Theologia Germanica - 6 Thumb Bible (The) - 23 Ursula ----- 20 Young's Christ of History - 24 " Mystery - 24 Poetry and the Drama. Aikin's (Dr.) British Poets - - 3 Arnold's Mi-rope ! " Poems 3 Baillie's (Joanna) Poetical Works 3 Goldsmith's Poems, illustrated - 8 L. E. L.'s Poetical Works - 13 Linwood's Anthologia Oxoniensis - 13 Lyra Germanica - - - 5 Macaulav's Lavs of Ancient Rome 14 Mac Donald's Within and Without 14 " Poems --- 14 Montgomery's Poetical Works - 15 Moore's Poetical Worts - 16 " Selections (illustrated) - 16 " LallaRookh - 16 " Irish Melodies - 16 " National Melodies - - 16 " Sacred Song* (ivith Music) 16 " Songs and Ballads - - 16 Shakspeare, by Bowdler - - 19 Southey's Poetical Works - - 21 Thomson's Seasons, illustrated - 23 The Sciences in general and Mathematics. Arago's Meteorological Essays - 3 " Popular Astronomy - - 3 Bourne's Catechism of Steam- Engine - - - - - 4 Boyd's Naval Cadet's Manual - 4 Brande's Dictionary of Science, &<;. 4 " Lectures on Organic Chemistry 4 Conington's Chemical Analysis - 6 Cresy's Civil Engineering - - 6 De la Rive's Electricity - - 7 Grove's Correla. of Physical Forces 8 Herschel's.Outlines of Astronomy 9 Holland's Meutal Physiology - 9 Humboldt's Aspects of N*turo - 10 Cosmos - 10 Hunt on Light - - - - 11 L*rdner's Cabinet Cyclopasdia - 1; Marcet's (Mrs.) Conversations - 14 Morcll's Elements of Psychology, - 16 Moseley'sEngineering&Architeetureie Ogilv-ie's Master- Builder's Plan - 1" OwB:*Lectureson Comp. Anatomy 17 Pereira.on Polarised I^ght - - 17 Will ich's Popular Tables - - 24 Yonge'sEmjlish-Greek Lexicon - 24 " Latin Gradus - - 24 Zumpt's Latin Grammar - - 24 Natural History in general . Agassiz on Classification - 3 Callow's Popular Conchology - ( Ephemera's Book of the Salmon - 7 Garratfs Marvels of Instinct - 8 Gosse's Natural History of Jamaica 8 Kirby and Spence's Entomology - 12 Lee's Elements of Natural History 12 Maunder's Natural History - - 15 Morris's Anecdotes in Natural Quatrefages' Naturalist's Rambles 18 Stonehenge on the Dog - - 21 Turton'sShells ofth^Britishlslands 23 Van der Hoeven's Zoology - - 23 Waterton's Essays on Natural Hist. 24 Touat.t's Work on the Dog - - 24 Youatt's Work on the Horse - 24 1 -Volume Encyclopaedias and Dictionaries. Elaine's Rural Sports ... 4 Brande's Science, Literature, nd.Art 4 Copland 's Dictionary of Medicine - 6 Cresy's Civil Engineering - - 6 Gwilt's Architecture - - 8 Johnston's Geographical Dictionary 11 Loudon's Agriculture - - - 13 " Rural Architecture - 13 " Gardening - - - 13 Plants - - - - 13 " Trees and Shrubs - - 13 M'Culloch'sGeographicalDictionary 14 " Dictionary of Commerce 14 Murray's Encyclo. of Geography - 16 Sharp's British Gazetteer - - 20 Ure's Dictionary of Arts, &c. - - 23 Webster's Domestic Economy - 24 Religious & Moral Works. Afternoon of Life 3 Amy Herbert - - - - 20 Bloomfield's Greek Testament - 4 Bunyan'R Pilgrim's Progress - 5 Calvert's Wife's Manual - 6 Catz and Farlie's Moral Emblems CleveHall 20 Conybeare and Howson's St. P*ul Cotton's Instructions in Christianity 6 Dale's Domestic Liturgy - - 7 Defence of Erlipse of Faith - - 7 Earl's Daughter (The) - - - 20 Eclipse of Faith - Englishman's Greek Concordance 7 Heb.&Chald.Concord. 7 Experience (The) of Life - - 20 Snow's Tierra del Fuego - - 21 Tennenfs Ceylon - - - - 21 Von Tempskv'B- Mexico - - 23 Wanderings in Land of Ham - 23 Weld's Vacations in Ireland- - 24 " Pyrenees - 24 " United States and Canada- 24 Works of Fiction. Connolly's Romance of the flanks 6 Cruikshaslrfi 1-alsiaff - 7 lUwitt's Tallaogette - 10 Mildred Norman - 15 Moore's Epicurean - ~ 16 Sewell'sUrt-u^a - 20 Sir Roger De Coverlev - 20 Sketches (The), Three Tales - t9 Southey'g The Doctor &c. - - 21 Trollope's Barchester Towers - 2! Warden - - - 23 ' Harrison's Light of the Forge - * Home's Introduction to Scripture* 10 " Ahridzroent of ditto - 10 Hue's Christianity in China - - 10 Huraphrcys's Parables Illuminated 11 ALPHABETICAL CATALOGUE of NEW WORKS and NEW EDITIONS PUBLISHED BY MESSRS. LONGMAN, GEEEN, LONGMAN, AND ROBEliTS, PATERNOSTER ROW, LONDON. Miss Acton's Modern Cookery for Private Families, reduced to a System of Easy Prac- tice in a Series of carefully-tested Receipts, in which the Principles of Baron Liebig and other eminent Writers have been as much as possible applied and explained. Newly-re- vised and enlarged Edition ; with 8 Plates, comprising 27 Figures, and 150 Woodcuts. Fcp. 8vo. 7s. 6d. Acton's English Bread-Book for Domestic Use, adapted to Families of every grade. Fcp. 8vo. price 4s. 6d. cloth. The Afternoon of Life. By the Author of Morning Clouds, Second and cheaper Edition, revised throughout, Fcp. 8vo. 5s. :. An Essay, on Classification, By Louis AGASSLZ. 8vo. 12s. Aikin. Select Works of the British Poets, from Ben Jonson to Beattie. With Biograpliical and Critical Prefaces by Dr. AIKIN. New Edition, with Supplement by Lucr AIKIN ; consisting of additional Selec- tions from more recent Poets. 8vo. 18s. AragoCF.) Biographies of Distinguished Scientific Men. Translated by Admiral W. H. SMYTH, D.C.L., F.R.S., &c. ; the Rev. BADEN POWELL, M. A.; andRoBEET GEANT, M.A., F.R.A.S. Svo. 18s. Acago's Meteorological Essays. With an Introduction by Baron HUMBOLDT. Trans- lated under the superintendence of Major- General E. SABINE, R.A,, Treasurer and V.P.RvS-. Svo, 18s. Arago's Popular Astronomy. Translated and edited, by Admiral W. H. SMYTH, D.C.L., F.ll.S. ; and ROBERT GEANT,M. A., F.R.A.S. With 25 Plates and.358 Woodcuts. 2;vols, 8vo. price 2. 5s. Arnold. Poems. By Matthew Arnold. FIEST SEKIES, Third Edition. Fcp. Svo. price 5s. 6d. SECOND SERIES, price 5s. Arnold. Merope, a Tragedy. By Matthew AENOLD. With a Preface and an Historical Introduction. Fcp. Svo. 5s. Lord Bacon's Works. A New Edition, revised and elucidated ; and enlarged by the addition of many pieces not printed before. Collected and edited by ROBEET LESLIE ELLIS, M.A., Fellow of Trinity College, Cambridge; JAMES SPEEDING, M.A. of Trinity College-, Cambridge ; and DOUGLAS DENON HEATH, Esq., Barrister-at-Law, and late Fellow of Trinity College, Cambridge. VOLS., I. to V., comprising the Division of Philosophical Works ; with a copious INDEX. 5 vols. 8vo. price 4. 6s. VOL. VI. price 18s. %* VOL. VII., completing the Division of Literary and Professional Works, is just ready. Joanna Baillie's Dramatic and Poetical Works : Comprising the Plays of the Pas- sions, Miscellaneous Dramas, Metrical Le- gends, Fugitive Pieces, and Ahalya Baee; with the Life of Joanna Baillie, Portrait, and Vignette. Square crown Svo. 21s. cloth ; or 42s. bound in morocco by Hayday. Baker. The Rifle and the Hound in Ceylon. By 8. W. BAKEE, Esq. New Edition, with 13 Illustrations engraved on Wood. Fcp. Svo. 4s. 6d. Baker. Eight Years' Wanderings in Ceylon. By S. W. BAKEE, Esq. With 6 coloured Plates. Svo. price 15s. Bate. Memoir of Gapt. W. Thornton Bate, R.N. By the Rev. JOHN BAILLIE, Author of " Memoirs of Hewitson," " Me- moir of Adelaide Newton," &c. New Edition; with Portrait aud 4 Illustrations. Ecp, 8va..5. NEW WORKS AND NEW EDITIONS Earth. Travels and Discoveries in North and Central Africa : Being the Jour- nal of an Expedition undertaken under the auspices of Her Britannic Majesty's Go- vernment in the Years 1849 1855. By HENRY BARTH, Ph.D., D.C.L., Fellow of the Royal Geographical and Asiatic Societies, &c. With numerous Maps, Wood Engrav- ings, and Illustrations in tinted Lithography. 5 vols. 8vo. 5. 5s. cloth. Bayldon's Art of Valuing Rents and Tillages, and Claims of Tenants upon Quitting Farms, at both Michaelmas and Lady-Day ; as revised by Mr. DONALDSON. Seventh Edition, enlarged and adapted to the Present Time: With the Principles and Mode of Valuing Land and other Property for Parochial Assessment and Enfranchise- ment of Copyholds, under the recent Acts of Parliament. By ROBERT BAKER, Land- Agent and Valuer. 8vo. 10s. 6d. Bayldon's (R.) Treatise on Road Legis- lation and Management ; with Remarks on Tolls, and on Repairing Turnpike-Roads and Highways. 8vo. 3s. 6d. Black's Practical Treatise on Brewing, based on Chemical and Economical Princi- ples : With Formulae for Public Brewers, and Instructions for Private Families. New Edition, with Additions. 8vo. 10s. 6d. Elaine's Encyclopaedia of Rural Sports ; or, a complete Account, Historical, Prac- tical, and Descriptive, of Hunting, Shooting, Fishing, Racing, &c. New Edition, revised and corrected ; with above 600 Woodcut Illustrations, including 20 now added from Designs by JOHN LEECH. In One Volume, 8vo. price 42s. half-bound. Bloomfield. The Greek Testament, with copious English Notes, Critical, Phi- lological, and Explanatory. Especially adapted to the use of Theological Students and Ministers. By the Rev. S. T. BLOOM- FIELD, D.D., F.S.A. Ninth Edition, revised. 2 vols. 8vo. with Map, price 2. 8s. Dr. Bloomfield' s College and School Edition of the Greek Testament : With brief English Notes, chiefly Philological and Explanatory. Seventh Edition ; with Map and Index. Fcp. 8vo. 7s. 6d. Dr. Bloomfield's College and School Lexicon to the Greek Testament. New Edition, carefully revised. Fcp. 8vo. price 10s. 6d. Bourne. A Treatise on the Steam- Engine, in its Application to Minea, Mills, Steam-Navigation, and Railways. By the Artisan Club. Edited by JOHNBOURNE, C.E. New Edition ; with 33 Steel Plates and 349 Wood Engravings. 4to. price 27s. Bourne's Catechism of the Steam - Engine in its various Applications to Mines, Mills, Steam-Navigation, Railways, and Agricul- ture: With Practical Instructions for the Manufacture and Management of Engines of every [class. Fourth Edition, enlarged ; with 89 Woodcuts. Fcp. 8vo. 6s. Boyd. A Manual for Naval Cadets. Published with the sanction and approval of the Lords Commissioners of the Admi- ralty. By JOHN M'NEILL BOYD, Captain, R.N. With Compass-Signals in Colours, and 236 Woodcuts. Fcp. 8vo. 10s. 6d. Brande. A Dictionary of Science, Lite- rature, and Art : Comprising the History, Description, and Scientific Principles of every Branch of Human Knowledge ; with the Derivation and Definition of all the Terms in general use. Edited by W. T. BRANDE, F.R.S.L. and E. ; assisted by DR. J. CAUYIN. Third Edition, revised and cor- rected j with numerous Woodcuts. 8vo. 60s. Professor Brande's Lectures on Organic Chemistry, as applied to Manufactures ; including Dyeing, Bleaching, Calico-Print- iug, Sugar-Manufacture, the Preservation of Wood, Tanning, &c. ; delivered before the Members of the Royal Institution. Edited by J. SCOFFERN, M.B. Fcp. 8vo. with Woodcuts, price 7s. 6d. Brewer. An Atlas of History and Geo- graphy, from the Commencement of the Christian Era to the Present Time : Com- prising a Series of Sixteen coloured Maps, arranged in Chronological Order, with Illus- trative Memoirs. By the Rev. J. S. BREWER, M.A., Professor of English History and Literature in King's College, London. Second Edition, revised and corrected. Royal 8vo. 12s. 6d. half-bound. Brialmont.--The Life of the Duke of Wellington. From the French of ALEXIS BRIALMONT, Captain on the Staff of the Belgian Army : With Emendations and Additions. By the Rev. G. R. GLEIG, M.A., Chaplain- General to the Forces and Pre- bendary of St. Paul's. With Maps, Plans of Battles, and Portraits. VOLS. I. and II. 8vo. 30s. The THIRD and FOURTH VOLUMES (com- pletion) are now in the press, and will take up the history of the Duke from the Battle of Waterloo, representing him as an Ambassador, as a Minister, and as a Citizen. PUBLISHED BY LONGMAN, GREEN, AND CO. Brodie. Psychological Inquiries, in a Series of Essays intended to illustrate the Influence of the Physical Organisation on the Mental Faculties. By Sir BENJAMIN C. BRODIE, Bart. Third Edition. Fcp.Svo. 5s. Dr. Thomas Bull on the Maternal Ma- nagement of Cliildren in Health and Disease. New Edition. Fcp. 8vo. 5s. Dr. Bull's Hints to Mothers on the Manage- ment of their Health during the Period of Pregnancy and in the Lying-in Room : With an Exposure of Popular Errors in connexion with those subjects, &c. ; and Hints upon Nursing. New Edition. Fcp. 8vo. 5s. Dr, Bull's Work on Blindness, entitled the Sense of Vision Denied and Lost. Edited by the Rev. B. G-. JOHNS, Chaplain of the Blind School, St. George's Fields. With a brief Introductory Memoir of the Author by Mrs. BULL. Fcp, 8vo. 4s. 6d. Bunsen. Christianity and Mankind, their Beginnings and Prospects. By Baron C. C. J. BUNSEN, D.D., D.C.L., D.Ph. Being a New Edition, corrected, remodelled, and extended, of Hippolytus and his Age. 7 rols. 8vo. 5. 5s. *** This Edition is composed of three distinct works, which may be had separately, as follows : 1. Hippolytus and his Age; or, the Beginnings and Prospects of Christianity. 2 vols. 8vo. price 1. 10s. 2. Outline of the Philosophy of Universal History ap- plied to Language and Religion : Containing an Ac- count of the Alphabetical Conferences. 2 vols. 8vo. price 1. 13s. 3. Analecta Ante-Xicseua. 3 vols. 8vo, price 2. 2s. Bunsen. Lyra Germanica. Translated from the German by CATHERINE WINK- WORTH. Fifth Edition of the FIEST SERIES, Hymns for the Sundays and chief Festivals of the Christian Year. New Edition of the SECOND SERIES, the Christian Life. Fcp. 8vo. price 5s. each Series. HYMNS from Lyra Germanica. 18mo. Is. *** These selections of German Hymn have been made from collections published in Germany by Baron BUITSEN; and form companion volumes to Theologia Germanica: Which setteth forth many fair lineaments of Divine Truth, and saith very lofty and. lovely things touching a Perfect Life. Translated by SUSANNA WINKWORTH. With a Preface by the Rev. CHARLES KINGSLEZ ; and a Letter by Baron BUNSEN. Third Edition. Fcp. 8vo. 5s. Bunsen. Egypt's Place in Universal History : An Historical Investigation, in Five Books. By Baron C. C. J. BUNSEN, D.D., D.C.L., D.Ph. Translated from the German by C . H. COTTHELL, Esq., M.A. With many Illustrations. VOL. I. 8vo. 28s. ; VOL. II. price 30s. ; and VOL. III. price 25s. Bunting.The Life of Jabez Bunting, D.D. : With Notices of contemporary Per- sons and Events. By his Son, THOMAS PERCIVAL BUNTING. In Two Volumes. VOL. I. with Two Portraits and a Vignette, in post 8vo. price 7s. 6cl. cloth; or (large paper and Proof Engravings) in square crown 8vo. 10s. 6d. Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress: With a Preface by the Rev. CHARLES KINQSLEY, Rector of Eversley ; and about 120 Illus- trations engraved on Steel and on Wood from Original Designs by Charles Bennett. Fcp. 4to. price 21s. cloth, gilt edges. Bishop Butler's General Atlas of Modem and Ancient Geography j comprising Fifty- two full- coloured Maps ; with complete In- dices. New Edition, nearly all re-engraved, enlarged, and greatly improved. Edited by the Author's Son. Royal 4to. 24s. half-bound. The Modern Atlas of 28 full- coloured Maps. Royal 8vo. price 12s. The Ancient Atlas of 24 full- coloured Maps. Royal 8vo. price 12s. Separately Bishop Butler's Sketch of Modern and Ancient Geography. New Edition, tho- roughly revised, with such Alterations intro- duced as continually progressive Discoveries and the latest Information have rendered necessary. Post 8vo. price 7s. 6d. Burton. First Footsteps in East Africa ; or, an Exploration of Harar. By RICHARD F. BURTON, Captain, Bombay Army. With Maps and coloured Plates. 8vo. 18s. Burton. Personal Narrative of a Pil- grimage to El Medinah and Meccah. By RICHARD F. BURTON, Captain, Bombay Army. Second Edition, revised ; with coloured Plates and Woodcuts. 2 yols. crown 8vo. price 24s. The Cabinet Lawyer : A Popular Digest of the Laws of England, Civil and Criminal ; with a Dictionary of Law Terms, Maxims, Statutes, and Judicial Antiquities ; Correct Tables of Assessed Taxes, Stamp Duties, Excise Licenses, and Post-Horse Duties ; Post-Office Regulations ; and Prison Disci- pline. 18th Edition, comprising the Public Acts of the Session 1858. Fcp. 8vo. 10s. 6d. The Cabinet Gazetteer: A Popular Geogra- phical Dictionary of All the Countries of the World. By the Author of The Cabinet Lawyer. Fcp. 8vo. 10s. 6d. cloth. B 3 NEW WORKS AND NEW EDITIONS Caird. Prairie Farming in America: With Notes by the way on Canada and the .United States. By JAMES CAIED, M.P., Author of "English Agriculture," "High Farming," &c. 16mo. 3s. 6d. Calvert. The Wife's Manual ; or, Prayers, Thoughts, and Fongs on Several Occasions of a Matron's Life. By the Rev. W. CALVERT, M.A. Ornamented from De- signs by the Author in the style of Queen Elizabeth's Prayer-Book. Second Edition. Crown 8vo. 10s. 6d. Catlow. Popular Conchology; or, the Shell Cabinet arranged according to the Modern System : With a detailed Account of the Animals, and a complete Descriptive List of the Families and -Genera of Recent and Fossil Shells. By AGNES CATLOW. Second Edition, much improved ; with 405 Woodcut Illustrations. Post 8vo. price 14s. 'Catz and Faiiie's 'Book of Emblems. Moral Emblems, from JACOB CATZ and ROBEET FAELIE ; with Aphorisms, Adages, and Proverbs of all Nations. ;The Illustra- tions freely rendered from designs found in the works of Catz and Farlie, by JOHN LEIGHTON, F.S.A., and engraved under his superintendence. Imperial 8vo. with 60 large Illustrations on Wood, and numerous Vignettes and Tail Pieces. Cecil The Stud 'Farm; or, Hints on Breeding Horses for the Turf, the Chase, and the Road. Addressed to Breeders of Race- Horses and Hunters, Landed Proprietors, and especially to Tenant Farmers. By CECIL. Fcp. 8vo. with Frontispiece, 5s. Cecil's Stable Practice ; or, Hints on Training for the Turf, the Chase, and the Road; with Observations on Racing and Hunt- ing, Wasting, Race-Riding, and Handi- capping : Addressed to Owners of Racers, Hunters, and other Horses, and to all who are concerned in Racing, Steeple- Chasing, and Fox-Hunting. Second Edition. Fcp. 8vo. with Plate, price 5s. half-bound. .Chapman. History of Gustavus Adol- phus and of the Thirty Years' War up to the King's Death : With some Account of its Conclusion by the Peace of Westphalia, in 1648. By B. CHAPMAN, M.A., Yicar of Letherhcad. 8vo. with Plans, 12s. 6d. onirgton. Handbook of Chemical Analysis, adapted to the Unitary System of Notation. By F. T. CONINGTON, M.A., F.C.-S. Post 8vo. 7s. 6d. Abo Tables of Qualitative Analysis, designed as a Com- panion to the Handbook, price 2s. 6d. Connolly. The Romance of the Ranks; or, Anecdotes, Episodes, and Social Inci- dents of Military Life. By T. W. J. CONNOLLY, Quartermaster of the Royal Engineers. 2'vols. 8vo. 21s. Connolly's History of the Royal Sappers and Miners : Including the Services of the Corps in the Crimea and at the Siege of Sebastopol. Second Edition, revised and enlarged ; with 17 coloured plates. 2 vols. 8vo. price 30s. Conybeare and Howson. The 'Life and Epistles of 'Saint Paul : Comprising a com- plete Biography of the Apostle, and a Translation of his Epistles inserted in Chronological Order. By the Rev. W. J. CONYBEARE, M.A. ; and the Rev. J. S. HOWSON, M.A. Third Edition, revised and corrected ; with several Maps and Wood- cuts, and 4 Plates. 2 vols. square crown 8vo. 31s. 6d. cloth. '* # * The Original Edition, with more numerous Illustrations, in 2 vols. 4to. price 48s. may also be had. Dr. Copland's Dictionary of Practical Medicine : Comprising General Pathology, the Nature and Treatment of Diseases, Morbid Structures, and the Disorders es- pecially incidental to Climates, to Sex, and to the different Epochs of Life ; with nume- rous approved 'Formula of the 'Medicines recommended. Now complete in 3 vols. 8vo. price 5. 11s. cloth. Bishop Cotton's Instructions in the Doctrine and Practice of Christianity. In- tended chiefly as an Introduction to Confir- mation. Fourth Edition. 18mo. 2s. 6d. Cresy's Encyclopaedia of Civil Engi- neering, Historical, Theoretical, and Prac- tical. Illustrated by upwards of 3,000 Woodcuts. Second Edition, revised and brought down to the Present Time in a Supplemen t,comprising Metropolitan Water- Supply, Drainage of Towns, Railways, Cubical Proportion, Brick and Iron Con- struction, Iron Screw Piles, Tubular Bridges, &c. 8vo. 63s. cloth. Crosse, Memorials, Scientific and Li- terary, of Andrew Crosse, the Electrician. Edited by Mrs. CEOSSE. Post 8vo. 9s. 6d. Crowe. The History of France. By EYKE EYANS CEOWE. In Five Yolumes. YOL. I. 8vo. price 14s. PUBLISHED BY LONGMAN, QUEEN, AND CO. Cruiksbank. The Life of Sir John Falstaff, illustrated in a Series of Twenty. four original Etchings by George Cruik- shank. Accompanied by an imaginary Biography of the Knight by ROBERT B. BBOUGUI. Royal 8vo. price 12s. 6d. cloth. Lady Gust's Invalid's Book. The In- valid's Own Book : A Collection of Recipes from various Books and various Countries. By the Honourable LADY CUST. Second Edition. Fcp. 8vo. price 2s. 6d. Dale. The Domestic Liturgy and Family Chaplain, in Two Parts : PART I. Church Services adapted for Domestic Use, with Prayers for Every Day of the Week, selected from the Book of Common Prayer; PART II. an appropriate Sermon for Every Sunday in the Year. By the Rev. THOMAS DALE, M.A., Canon Residentiary of St. Paul's. Second Edition. Post 4to. 21s. cloth j 31s. 6d. calf ; or 2. 10s. morocco. bcparately ( THE FAMILY CHAPLAIK, 12s. .lOs. 6d. Davy (Dr. J.) The Angler and his Friend ; or, Piscatory Colloquies and Fish- ing Excursions. By JOHN DAYY, M.D., F.R.S., &c. Fcp. 8vo. price 6s. The Angler in the lake District : or, Piscatory Colloquies and Fishing Excursions in West- moreland and Cumberland. By JOHN DAVY, M.D., F.R.S. Fcp. 8vo. 6s. 6d. De Fonblanque, The Administration and Organisation of the British Army, with especial reference to Finance and Supply. By EDWARD BARRINGTON DE FONBLANQUE, Assistant Commissary-General. 8vo. 12s. De la Rive. A Treatise on Electricity in Theory and Practice. By A. DE LA RIVE, Professor in the Academy of Geneva. Trans- lated for the Author by C. V. WALKEE, F.R.S. With numerous Woodcut Illustra- tions. 3 vole. 8vo. price 3. 13s. cloth. Domenech. Seven Years' Residence in the Great Deserts of North America. By the ABUE DOMENECH. With a Map, and about $ixty Woodcut Illustrations. 2 vols. 8vo. [Just ready. The Abbe Domenech's Missionary Adventures in Texas and Mexico : A Personal Narrative of Six Years' Sojourn in those Regions. Translated under the Author's superin- tendence. 8vo. with Map, 10s. 6d. The Eclipse of Faith ; or, a Visit to a Religious Sceptic. SthEdition. Fcp. 8vo. 5s. Defence of The Eclipse of Faith, by its Author: Being a Rejoinder to Professor Newman's Reply : Including a full Exami- nation of that Writer's Criticism on the Character of Christ ; and a Chapter on the Aspects and Pretensions of Modern Deism. Second Edition, revised. Post 8vo. 5s. 6d. The Englishman's Greek Concordance of the New Testament : Being an Attempt at a Verbal Connexion between the Greek and the English Texts ; including a Concordance to the Proper Names, with Indexes, Greek- English and English-Greek. New Edition, with a new Index. Royal 8vo. price 42s. The Englishman's Hebrew and Chaldee Con- cordance of the Old Testament : Being an Attempt at a Verbal Connexion between the Original and the English Translations ; with Indexes, a List of the Proper Names and their Occurrences, &c. 2 vols. royal 8vo. 3. 13s. 6d. ; large paper, 4. 14s. 6d. Ephemera's Handbook of Angling; teaching Fly-Fishing, Trolling, Bottom- Fishing, Salmon-Fishing : With the Natural History of River-Fish, and the best Modes of Catching them. Third Edition, corrected and improved; with Woodcuts. Fcp. 8vo.5s. Ephemera's Book of the Salmon: Com- prising the Theory, Principles, and Prac- tice of Fly-Fishing for Salmon ; Lists of good Salmon Flies for every good River in the Empire ; the Natural History of the Salmon, its Habits described, and the best way of artificially Breeding it. Fcp. 8vo. with coloured Plates, price 14s. Fairbairn. Useful Information for En- gineers : Being a 'Series of Lectures delivered to the "Working Engineers of Yorkshire and Lancashire. With Appendices, containing the Results of Experimental Inquiries into the Strength of Materials, the Causes of Boiler Explosions, &c. By WILLIAM FAIRBAIRN, F.R.S., F.G.S. Second Edition j with numerous Plates and Woodcuts. Crown 8vo. price 10s. 6d. First Impressions of the New World on Two Travellers from the Old in the Autumn of 1858 : with Map by Arrovvsmith. To-t 8vo. 8s. 6d. Fischer. Francis Bacon of Verulam: Realistic Philosophy and its Age. Bv P-'. K. FlBCHEit. Translated by JOHX OXEN- FORD. Post 8vo. 9s. 6cl. B 4 NEW WORKS AND NEW EDITIONS Forester. Rambles in the Islands of Corsica and Sardinia : With Notices of their History, Antiquities, and present Condition. By THOMAS FORESTER, Au- thor of Norway in 1848-1849. With coloured Map ; and numerous Illustrations in Colours and Tints and on Wood, from Drawings made during the Tour by Lieut. - Col. M. A. BIDDULPH, R.A. Imperial 8vo. price 28s. Frazer. Letters of Sir A. S. Frazer, K.C.B., Commanding the Royal Horse Artil- lery under the Duke of Wellington : Written during the Peninsular and Waterloo Cam- paigns. Edited by Major-General SABINE, E.A. With Portrait, 2 Maps, and Plan. 8vo. 18s. Freeman and Salvin. Falconry : Its Claims, History, and Practice. By G-AGE EAELE FREEMAN, M.A. (" Peregrine" of the Field newspaper) ; and Capt. F. H. SALVIN. Post 8vo. with Woodcut Illustrations from Drawings by Wolf. Garratt. -Marvels and Mysteries of In- stinct ; or, Curiosities of Animal Life. By GTEORGE GARRATT. Second Edition, revised and improved with a Frontispiece. Fcp. 8yo. price 4s. 6d. Gilbart. A Practical Treatise on Bank- ing. By JAMES WILLIAM GILBART, F.R.S. Sixth Edition, revised and enlarged. 2 vols. 12mo. Portrait, 16a. Gilbart's Logic of Banking : a Familiar Ex- position of the Principles of Reasoning, and their application to the Art and the Science of Banking. 12mo. with Portrait, 12s. 6d. Gleig. Essays, Biographical, Historical, and Miscellaneous, contributed chiefly to the Edinbiirgh and Quarterly Reviews. By the Rev. G-. R, GLEIG, M.A., Chaplain- General to the Forces and Prebendary of St. Paul's. 2 vols. 8vo. 21s. 1. Dr. ChalmerF. 2. Onr Defensive Arma- ment. 3. Natural Theology. 4. Military Bridges. 5. TheWarofthePunjaub. 6. The Puritans. 7. General Miller. 8. India and its Army. 9. The MSdchenstien. 10. Military Education. The Poetical Works of Oliver Goldsmith. Edited by BOLTON CORNEY, Esq. Illustrated by Wood Engravings, from Designs by Members of the Etching Club. Square crown 8vo. cloth, 21s. ; morocco, 1. 16s. Gosse. A Naturalist's Sojourn in Jamaica. By P. H. GOSSE, Esq. With Plates. Post 8vo. price 14s. Greathed. Letters written during the Siege of Delhi. By H. H. GREATHED, late of the Bengal Civil Service. Edited by hu; Widow. Post 8vo, 8s. 6d. Green. Lives of the Princesses of Eng- land. By Mrs. MARY ANNE ETEEETT GREEN, Editor of the Letters of Royal and Illustrious Ladies. With numerous Por- traits. Complete in 6 vols. post 8vo. price 10s. 6d. each. Any Yolume may be had separately to complete sets. Greyson. Selections from the Corre- spondence of R. E. H. GREYSON, Esq. Edited by the Author of The Eclipse of Faith. Second Edition. Crown 8vo. 7s. 6d. Grove, The Correlation of Physical Forces. By W. R. GROVE, Q.C., M.A., F.R.S., &c. Third Edition. 8vo. price 7s. Gurney. St. Louis and Henri IV. : Being a Second Series of Historical Sketches. By the Rev. JOHN H. GTTKNEY, M. A., Rector of St. Mary's, Marylebone. Fcp. 8vo. 6s. Evening Kecreations ; or, Samples from the Lecture-Room. Edited by the Rev. J. H. GIJRNEY, M.A. Crown 8vo. 5s. Gwilt's' Encyclopedia of Architecture, Historical, Theoretical, and Practical. By JOSEPH GWILT. With more than 1,000 Wood Engravings, from Designs by J. S. GWILT. Fourth Edition. 8vo. 42s. j Hare (Archdeacon). The Life of Luther, in Forty-eight Historical Engravings. By GTJSTAV KONIG. With Explanations by Archdeacon HARE and SUSANNA WINK- WORTH. Fcp. 4to. price 28s. Harford. Life of Michael Angelo Buon- arroti : With Translations of many of his Poems and Letters ; also Memoirs of Savo- narola, Raphael, and Vittoria Colonna. By JOHN S. HARFORD, Esq., D.C.L., F.R.S. Second Edition, thoroughly revised; with 20 copperplate Engravings. 2 vols. 8vo. 25s. ! Illustrations, Architectural and Pictorial, of the Genius of Michael Angelo Buonarroti. With Descriptions of the Plates, by the Commendatore CANINA ; C. R. COCKERELL, Esq., R.A. ; and J. S. HARFORD, Esq., D.C.L., F.R.S. Folio, 73s. 6d. half-bound. I Harrison. The Light of the Forge ; or, Counsels drawn from the Sick-Bed of E. M. By the Rev. W. HARRISON, M.A., Domestic Chaplain to H.R.H. the Duchess of Cam- i bridge. Fcp. 8vo. price 5s. PUBLISHED BY LONGMAN, GREEN, AND CO. Harry Hieover. Stable Talk and Table Talk ; or, Spectacles for Young Sportsmen. By HABEY HIEOVEE. New Edition, 2 vols. 8vo. with Portrait, price 24s. Harry Hieover.- The Hunting-Field. By Harry HIEOVEE. With Two Plates. Fcp. 8ro. 5s. half-bound. Harry Hieover. Practical Horsemanship. By HABKY HIEOVEE. Second Edition ; with 2 Plates. Fcp. 8vo. 5s. half-bound. Harry Hieover. The Pocket and the Stud; or, Practical Hints on the Management of the Stable. By HAEEY HIEOVEE. Third Edition ; with Portrait of the Author. Fcp. 8vo. price 5s. half-bound. Harry Hieover. The Stud, for Practical Pur- poses and Practical Men: Being a Guide to the Choice of a Horse for use more than for show. By HAEEY HIEOVEE. With 2 Plates. Fcp. Svo. price 5s. half-bound. Hassall. Adulterations Detected; or, Plain Instructions for the Discovery of Frauds in Food and Medicine. By AETHUB HILL HASSALL, M.D. Lond., Analyst of The Lancet Sanitary Commission ; and Author of the Reports of that Commission published under the title of Food and its Adulterations (which may also be had, in Svo. price 28s.) With 225 Illustrations, engraved on Wood. Crown Svo. 17s. 6d. Hassall. A History of the British Fresh Water Algse : Including Descriptions of the Desmidese and Diatomacese. With upwards of One Hundred Plates of Figures, illus- trating the various Species. By ABTHUK HILL HASSALL, M.D., Author of Micro- scopic Anatomy of the Human Body, &c. 2 vols. Svo. with 103 Plates, price 1. 15s. Col. Hawker's Instructions to Young Sportsmen in all that relates to Guns and Shooting. llth Edition, revised by the Author's Son, Major P. W. L. HAWKEB ; with a Bust of the Author, and numerous Illustrations. Square crown Svo. 18s. Haydn's Book of Dignities : Containing Rolls of the Official Personages of the British Empire, Civil, Ecclesiastical, Judicial, Mili- tary, Naval, and Municipal, from the Earliest Periods to the Present Time. Together with the Sovereigns of Europe, from the Foundation of their respective States ; the Peerage and Nobility of Great Britain ; &c. Being a New Edition, improved and conti- nued, of Beatson's Political Index. Svo. price 25s. half-bound. Hayward. Biographical and Critical Essays, reprinted from Reviews, with Ad- ditions and Corrections. By A. HAYWABD, Esq., Q.C. 2 vols. Svo. price 24s. 1. Sydney Smith. 2. Samuel Rogers. 3. James Smith. 4. George Selwyn. 5. Lord Chesterfield. 6. Lord Melbourne. 7. General Von Radowitz. 8. Countess Halm-Halm. 9. De Stendahl (Henri Beyle). 10. Pierre Dupont. 11. Lord Eldon and the Chances of the Bar. 12. The Crimean Campaign. 18. American Orators and Statesmen. 14. Journalism in France. 15. Parisian Morals and Manners. 18. The Imitative Powers of Music. 17. British Field Sports. 18. Science and Literature of Etiquette. 19. The Art of Dining. Sir John Herschel. Outlines of Astro- nomy. By SIB JOHN F. W. HEBSCHEL, Bart., K.H., M.A. Fifth Edition, revised and corrected to the existing state of Astro- nomical Knowledge ; with Plates and Wood- cuts. Svo. price 18s. Sir John Herschel' s Essays from the Edin- lurgh and Quarterly Reviews, with Ad- dresses and other Pieces. 8vo. price 18s. Hinchliff. Summer Months among the Alps : With the Ascent of Monte Rosa. By THOMAS W. HINCHLIFF, of Lincoln's Inn, Barrister-at-Law. With 4 tinted Views and 3 Maps. Post Svo. price 10s. 6d. Hints on Etiquette and the Usages of Society: With a Glance at Bad Habits. New Edition, revised (with Additions) by a Lady of Rank. Fcp. Svo. price Half-a-Crowri. Holland. Medical Notes and Reflec- tions. By SIB HENET HOLLAND, Bart., M.D., F.R.S., &c., Physician in Ordinary to the Queen and Prince-Consort. Third Edition, revised throughout and corrected ; with some Additions. Svo. 18s. Sir H. Holland's Chapters on Mental Physi- ology, founded chiefly on Chapters contained in Medical Notes and Reflections. Second Edition. Post Svo. price 8s. 6d. Hooker. Kew Gardens; or, a Popular Guide to the Royal Botanic Gardens of Kew. By SIE WILLIAM JACKSON HOOKEB, K.H., &c., Director. 16mo. price Sixpence. Hooker and Arnott. The British Flora ; comprising the Pheenogamous or Flowering Plants, and the Ferns. Seventh Edition, with Additions and Corrections ; and nu- merous Figures illustrative of the Umbelli- ferous Plants, the Composite Plants, the Grasses, and the Ferns. By SIE W. J. HOOKEB, F.R.A. and L.S., &c. ; and G. A. WALZEE-AHNOTT, LL.D., F.L.S. 12mo. with 12 Plates, price 14s. ; with the Plates coloured, price 21s. B 5 10 NEW WORKS AND NEW EDITIONS Home's Introduction to the Critical Study and Knowledge of the Holy Scrip- tures. Tenth Edition, revised, corrected, and brought down to the present time. Edited by the Rev. T. HAETWELL HOENE, B.D. (the Author) ; the Rev. SAMUEL DAVIDSON, D.D. of the University of Halle, and LL.D. ; and S. PRIDEAUX TEEG-ELLES, LL.D. With 4 Maps and 22 Vignettes and Facsimiles. 4 vols. 8vo. 3. 13s. 6d. "V* The Four Volumes may also be had separately as follows : Vol. I. A Summary of the Eviden ce for the Genuineness, Authenticity, Uncorrupted Preservation, and Inspiration of the Holy Scriptures. By the Rev. T.H. Home, B.D..8vo. 15s. VOL. II. The Text of the Old Testament considered : With a Treatise on Sacred Interpretation ; and a brief Introduc- tion to the Old Testament Books and the 'Apocrypha. By S. Davidson, D.D. (Halle) and LL.D 8vo. 25s. Vol. III. A Summary of Biblical Geography and Anti- quities. By the Rev. T. H. Home, B.D 8vo. 18s. VOL. IV. An Introduction to the Textual Criticism of the New Testament. By the Rev. T. H. Home, B.D. The Critical Part re-written, and the remainder revised and edited by !>. P. Tregelles, LL.D 8vo. 18s. Home. A Compendious Introduction to the Study of the Bible. By the Rev. .T. HAETWELL HOENE, B.D. New Edition, with Maps and Illustrations, ,12mo. : 93. Hoskyns Talpa ; or, the Chronicles of a Clay Farm : An Agricultural Fragment. By CHANDOS WEEN HOSKYNS, Esq. Fourth Edition. With 24 Woodcuts from the original Designs by GEORGE CBUIKSHANK. 16mo. price 5s. 6d. Howitt (A. M.) An Art-Student in Munich. By ANNA MARY .HowiCT. 2 vols. post 8vo. price 14s. Howitt The Children's Year. By Mary HOWITT. With Four Illustrations, from Designs by A. M. HOWITT. SquarelGmo. 5s. Howitt. Tallangetta, the Squatter's Home : A Story of Australian Life. By WILLIAM HOWITT, Author of Two Years in Victoria, &c. 2 vols. post 8ro. price 18s. Howitt. Land, Labour, and Gold; or, Two Years in Victoria : With Yisit to Sydney and Van Diemen's Land. By WILLIAM HOWITT. Second Edition, con- taining the most recent Information re- garding the Colony. 2 vols, crown 8vo. price 108. Howitt. Visits to Remarkable Places : Old Halls, Battle-Fields, and Scenes illustra- tive of Striking Passages in English History and Poetry. By WILLIAM HOWITT. With about 80 Wood Engravings. New -Edition. 2 vols. square crown 8vo. price 25s. William Hewitt's Boy's Country Book: Being the Real Life of a Country Boy, written by bin self ; exhibiting all the Amusements, Pleasures, and Pursuits of Children in the Country. New Edition; with 40 Woodcuts. Fcp. 8vo. price 6s. Howitt. The Rural Life of England. By WILLIAM HOWITT. New Edition, cor- rected and revised j with Woodcuts by Bewick and Williams. Medium 8vo. 21s. The Abbe 7 Hue's work on the Chinese Empire, founded on Fourteen Years' Travels and Residence in China. People's Edition, with 2 Woodcut Illustrations. Crown 6vo. price 5s. Hue.- Christianity in China, Tartary, and Thibet, By M. 1'Abbe Hue, formerly Missionary Apostolic in China ; Author of The Chinese Empire, &c. VOLS. I. and II. 8vo. 21s. ; and VOL. III. price 10s. 6d. Hudson's Plain Directions for Making Wills in conformity with the Law. New Edition, corrected and revised by the Author ; and practically illustrated by Spe- cimens of Wills containing many varieties of Bequests, also Notes of Cases judicially decided since the Wills Act came into ope- ration. Fcp. 8vo. 2s. 6d. Hudson's Executor's Guide. New and enlarged Edition, revised by the Author with reference to the latest reported Cases and Acts of Parliament. Fcp. 8vo. 6s. Hudson and Kennedy. Where there 's a Will there 's a Way : An Ascent of Mont Blanc by a New Route and Without Guides. By the Rev. C. HUDSON, M.A., and E. S. KENNEDY, B .A. Second Edition, with Plate and Map. Post 8vo. 5s. 6d. Humboldt's Cosmos. Translated, with the Author's authority, by MRS. SABINE. VOLS. I. and II. 16mo. Half-a-Crown each, sewed ; 3s. 6d. each, cloth : or in post 8vo. 12s. .each, cloth. VOL. III. post 8vo. 12s. 6d. cloth : or in 16mo. PAET I. 2s. 6d. sewed, 3s. 6d. cloth ; and PAET II. 3s. sewed, 4s. cloth. VOL, IV. PAET I. post 8vo. 15s. cloth j and 16mo. price 7s. 6d. cloth, or 7s. sewed. HumbokU's Aspects of 'Nature. Translated, with the Author's authority, by MES.SABINE. 16mo. price '6s. : or in 2 vols. 3s. 6d. .each, cloth j 2s. 6d. each, sewed. PUBLISHED BY LONG-MAN, GREEN, AND CO. 11 Humphreys. Parables of Our Lord, illuminated and ornamented in the style of the Missals of the Renaissance by HENRY d HUMPHREYS. Square fcp. Svo. 21s. in massive carved covers ; or 30s. bound in morocco by Ha} day. Hunt. Researches on Light in its Chemical Relations ; embracing a Con- sideration of all the Photographic Processes. By ROBERT HUNT, F.R.S. Second Edition, with Plate and Woodcuts. 8vo. 10s. 6d. Hunt (Captain). The Horse and his Master : With Hints on Breeding, Breaking, Stable- Management, Training, Elementary Horsemanship, Riding to Hounds, &c. By VERB D. HUNT, Esq., late 109th Regt. -Co. Dublin Militia. Fcp.'Svo. with Frontispiece, price 5s. Hutchinson. Impressions of Western Africa : With a Report on the Peculiarities of Trade up the Rivers in the Bight of Biafra. By T. J. HUTCHINSON, Esq., British Consul for the Bight of Biafra and the Island of Fernando Po. Post Svo. price 8s. 6d. Idle. Hints on Shooting, Fishing, &c., both on Sea and Land, and in the Fresh- Water Lochs of Scotland : Being the Expe- riences of C. IDLE, Esq. Fcp. 8vo. 5s. Mrs. Jameson's Legends of the Saints and Martyrs, as represented in Christian Art : Forming the FIRST SERIES of Sacred and Legendary Art. Third Edition, revised and improved ; with 17 Etchings and upwards of 180 Woodcuts, many of which are new in this Edition. 2 vole, square crown 8vo. price 31s. 6d. Mrs. Jameson's Legends of the Monastic Orders, as represented in Christian Art. Forming the SECOND SERIES of Sacred and Legendary Art. Second Edition, enlarged ; with 11 Etchings by the Author, and 88 Woodcuts. Square crown Svo. .price 28e. Mrs. Jameson's Legends of the Madonna, as represented in Christian Art : Forming the THIRD SERIES of Sacred and Legendary Art. Second Edition, corrected and en- larged ; with 27 Etchings and 166 Wood Engravings. Square crown Svo. price 28s. Mrs. Jameson's Commonplace-'Book of Thoughts, Memories, and Fancies, Original and Selected. PART I. Ethics and Charart. r ; PART II. Literature and Art, Second Edit. revised and corrected ; with Etchings and Woodcuts. Crown Svo. 18s. Mrs. Jameson's Two Lectures on the Social Employments of Women, Sisters of Charity and the Co nun union of Labour. New Edition, with a Prefatory Letter on the present Condition and Requirements of the Women of England. Fcp. Svo. 2s. Jaquemet's Compendium of Chronology: Containing the most important Dates of General History, Political, Ecclesiastical, and Literary, from the Creation of the World to the end of the Year 1854. ; Second Edition. Post Svo. price 7s. 6d. Jaquemet's Chronology for Schools : Contain- ing the most important Dates of Greneral History, Political, Ecclesisastical, and Literary, from the Creation of the World to the end of the year 1857. Edited by the Rev. J. ALCORN, M.A. Fcp. 8vo. 3s. 6d. Lord Jeffrey's Contributions to The Edinburgh Review. A New Edition, com- plete in One Yolume, with a Portrait en- graved by Henry Robinson, and a Yignette. Square crown Svo. 21s. cloth ; or 30s. calf. Or in 3 vols. Svo. price 42s. Comprising 1. General Literature and Literary Bio- graphy. 2. History and Historical Memoirs. 3. Poetry. 4. Philosophy of the Mind, Metaphysics, and Jurisprudence. 5. Novels, Tales, and Prose Works of Fiction. 6. General Politics. 7. Miscellaneous Literature, &c. Bishop Jeremy Taylor's Entire Works : With Life by BISHOP HEBEB. Revised and corrected by the Rev. CHARLES PAGE EDEN, Fellow of Oriel College, Oxford. Now complete in 10 vols. -Svo. 10s. 6d. each. Keith Johnston's New Dictionary of Geography, Descriptive, Physical, Statistical, and Historical: Forming a complete Gene- ral G-azetteer of the World. NM Edition, rectified to May 1859. In One Volume of 1,360 pages, comprising about 50,000 Names of Places. Svo. 30s. cloth; or 35s. half- bound in rwssia. Kane. Wanderings of an Artist among the Indians of North America ; from Canada to Vancouver's Island and Oregon, through the Hudson's Bay Company's Territory, and back again. By PAUL KANE. With Map, Illustrations in Colours, and Wood En- gravings. Svo. 21s. Kemble. The Saxons in England: A History of the English Commonwealth till the Norman Conquest. By Joiry M. KEM- BLE,, M.A.. &c. 2 vols. Svo. 28s. B6 NEW WOEKS AND NEW EDITIONS Kesteven. A Manual of the Domestic Practice of Medicine. By W. B. KESTEVEN, Fellow of the Boyal College of Surgeons of England, &c. Square post 8vo. 7s. 6d. Kirby and Spence's Introduction to Entomology ; or, Elements of the Natural History of Insects : Comprising an Account of Noxious and Useful Insects, of their Meta- morphoses, Food, Stratagems, Habitations, Societies, Motions, Noises, Hibernation, Instinct, &c. Seventh Edition, with an Ap- pendix relative to the Origin and Progress of the work. Crown 8vo. 5s. A Lady's Tour round Monte Rosa; With Visits to the Italian Valleys of An- zasca, Mastalone, Camasco, Sesia, Lys, Challant, Aosta, and Cogne : In a Series of Excursions in the Years 1850, 1856, 1853. With Map, 4 Illustrations in Colours from Sketches by Mr. Gr. Barnard, and 8 Wood Engravings. Post 8vo. 14s. Mrs. E. Lee's Elements of Natural His- tory ; oi 1 , First Principles of Zoology : Com- prising the Principles of Classification, inter- spersed with amusing and sinstruetive Ac- counts of the most remarkable Animal?. New Edition; Woodcuts. Fcp.8vo.7s.6d. LARDNER'S CABINET CYCLOPEDIA Of History, Biography, Literature, the Arts and Sciences, Natural History, and Manufactures. A Series of Original Works by THOMAS KEIOHTLEY, JOHN FORSTER, SIR WALTER SCOTT, THOMAS MOORE, AND OTHER EMINENT WRITERS. Complete in 132 vols. fcp. 8vo. with Vignette Titles, price, in cloth, Nineteen Guineas. The Works separately, in Sets or Series, price Three Shillings and Sixpence each Volume. SIR JOHN HERSCHEL, SIR JAMES MACKINTOSH, ROBERT SOUTHEY, SIR DAVID BREWSTER, BISHOP THIRLWALL, THE REV. G. R. GLEIG, J. C. L. DE SISMONDI, JOHN PHILLIPS, F.R.S., G.S. A List of the WORKS composing the CABINET CYCLOPEDIA: 3 vols. 10s. 6d. [ 31. Lardner on Heat 1 vol. 3s. Od. 35. Lardner's Hydrostatics and Pneumatics 1 vol. 3s. Gd. 1. Bell's History of Russia 2. Bell's Lives of British Poets 2 vols. 7s. 3. Brewster's Optics 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 4. Cooley's Maritime and Inland Discovery 3 vols. 10s. 6d. 5. Crowe's History of France 3 vols. 10s. 6cl. 6. De Morgan on Probabilities 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 7. De Sismondi's History of the Italian Republics 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 8. De Sismondi's Fall of the Roman Empire 2 vols. 7s. 9. Donovan's Chemistry 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 10. Donovan's Domestic Economy 2 vols. 7s. 11. Dunham's Spain and Portugal 5 vols. 17s. 6d. 12. Dunham's History of Denmark, Sweden, and Norway 3 vols. 10s. 6d. 13. Dunham's History of Poland 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 14. Dunham's Germanic Empire 3 vols. 10s. 6d. 15. Dunham's Europe during the Middle Ages 4 vols. 14s. 16. Dunham's British Dramatists 2 vols. 7s. 17. Dunham's Lives of Early Writers of Great Britain 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 18. Fergus's History of the United States . . 2 vols. 7s. 19. Fosbroke's Grecian & Roman Antiquities 2 vols. 7s. 20. Forster's Lives of the Statesmen of the Commonwealth 5 Tols. 17s. 6d. 21. Gleig's Lives of British Military Com- manders 8 vols. 10s. 6d. 22. Grattan's History of the Netherlands ... 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 23. Henslow's Botany 1 vol. 3s. Gd. 54. Herschel's Astronomy 1 vol. 3s. Gd. 25. Herschel's Discourse on Natural Philo- sophy ; 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 26. History of Rome 2 vols. 7s. 27. History of Switzerland 1 vol. 3s. Gd. 28. Holland's Manufactures in Metal 8 vols. 10s. Gd. 29. James's Lives of Foreign Statesmen .... 5 voln. 17s. 6d. 30. Kater and Lardner's Mechanics 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 31. Keightley's Outlines of History 1 vol. Ss. Gd. 32. Lardner's Arithmetio 1 vol. Ss. Gd. 83. Lardner's Geometry . ... 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 38. Lardner and Walker's Electricity and Magnetism 2 vols. 7s. 37. Mackintosh, Forster, and Courte nay's Lives of British Statesmen 7 vols. 21s. Cell 38. Mackintosh, Wallace, and Bell's History of England 10 vols. 3os. 39. Montgomery and Shelley's eminent Ita- lian, Spanish, and Portuguese Authors 3 vols. 10s. Cd. 40. Moore's History of Ireland 4 vols. 14s. 41. Nicolas's Chronology of History 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 42. Phillips's Treatise on Geology 2 vols. 7s. 43. Powell's History of Natural Philosophy 1 vol. 3s. Gd. 44. Porter's Treatise on the Manufacture of Silk 1 vol. 3s. Gd. 45. Porter's Manufactures of Porcelain and Glass 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 46. Roscoe's British Lawyers 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 47. Scott's History of Scotland 2 vols. 7s. 48. Shelley's Lives of eminent French Authors .2 vols. 7s. 49. Shuckard and Swainson's Insects 1 vol. 3s. Gd. 50. Southey's Lives of British Admirals .... 5 vols. 17s. 6d. 51. Stebbing's Church History 2 vols. 7s. 52. Stebbing's History of the Reformation. . 2 vols. 7s. 53. Swainson's Discourse on Natural History 1 vol. 3s. 6d. 51. Swainson's Natural History and Classi- fication of Animals 1 vol. 8s. 6d. 55. Swainson's Habits and Instincts of Animals 1 vol. 3s. 6d. !jf>. Swainson's Birds 2 vols. 7s. 57. Swainson's Fish, Reptiles, &c 2 vola. 7s. 58. Swainson's Quadrupeds 1 vol. 3s. Gd. 59. Swainson's Shells and Shell-Fish 1 vol. 3s. Gd. 60. Swainson's Animals in Menageries 1 vol. Ss. Gd. 61. Swainson's Taxidermy and Biography of Zoologists 1 vol. 8s. Gd. 02. Thirl wall's History of Greece 8 vols. 28s. PUBLISHED BY LONGMAN, GREEN, AND CO. 13 The Letters of a Betrothed. Fcp. 8vo. price 5s. cloth. Letters to my Unknown Friends. By a LADY, Author of Letters on Happiness. Fourth Edition. Fcp. 8vo. 5s. L.E.L. The Poetical Works of Letitia Elizabeth Landon ; comprising the Impro- visatrice, the Venetian Bracelet^ the Golden Fiolet, the Troubadour \ and Poetical Remains. New Edition ; with 2 Vignettes by R.Doyle. 2 vols. 16mo. 10s. cloth ; morocco, 21s. Dr. John Lindley's Theory and Practice of Horticulture ; or, an Attempt to explain the principal Operations of Gardening upon Physiological Grounds: Being the Second Edition of the Theory of Horticulture, much enlarged ; with 98 Woodcuts. 8vo. 21s. Dr. John Lindley's Introduction to Botany. New Edition, with Corrections and copious Additions. 2 vols. 8vo. with Six Plates and numerous Woodcuts, price 24s. Dr. John Lindley's Synopsis of the British Flora arranged according to the Natural Orders ; containing Yasculares or Flowering Plants. Third Edition (reprinted). Fcp. 8vo. 6s. Linwood. Anthologia Oxoniensis, sive Florilegium e Lusibus poeticis diversorum Oxoniensium Grsecis et Latinis decerptum. Curante GULIELMO LINWOOD, M.A., JEdis Christi Alumno. 8vo. price 14s. Lorimer's (C.) Letters to a Young Master Mariner on some Subjects connected with his Calling. New Edition. Fcp. 8vo. 5s. 6d. Loudon's Encyclopaedia of Agriculture : Comprising the Theory and Practice of the Valuation, Transfer, Laying-out, Improve- ment, and Management of Landed Property, and of the Cultivation and Economy of the Animal and Vegetable Productions of Agri- culture. New and cheaper Edition; with 1,100 Woodcuts. 8ro. 31s. 6d. Loudon's Encyclopaedia of Gardening: Comprising the Theory and Practice of Hor- ticulture, Floriculture, Arboriculture, and Landscape- Gardening. With many hundred Woodcuts. Corrected and improved by MBS. LOUDON. New and cheaper Edition. 8vo. 31s. 6d. London's Encyclopedia of Trees and Shrubs, or Arboretum et Fruticetum Britan- nicum abridged : Containing the Hardy Trees and Shrubs of Great Britain, Native and Foreign, Scientifically and Popularly De- scribed. With about 2,000 Woodcuts. 8vo. price 50s. Loudon's Encyclopaedia of Plants : Com- prising the Specific Character, Description, Culture, History, Application in the Arts, and every other desirable Particular respect- ing all the Plants found in Great Britain. New Edition, corrected by MRS. LOUDON. With upwards of 12,000 Woodcuts. 8vo. 3. 13s. 6d. Second Supplement, 21s. Loudon's Encyclopaedia of Cottage, Farm, and Villa Architecture and Furniture. New Edition, edited by MES. LOUDON ; with more than 2,000 Woodcuts. 8vo. 63s. London's Hortus Britannicus ; or, Cata- logue of all the Plants found in Great Britain. New Edition, corrected by MES. LOFDON. 8vo. 31s. 6d. Mrs. London's Lady's Country Compa- nion ; or, How to Enjoy a Country Life Rationally. Fourth Edition, with Plates and Woodcuts. Fcp. 8vo. 5s. Mrs. Loudon's Amateur Gardener's Calendar, or Monthly Guide to what should be avoided and done in a Garden. New Edition. Crown 8ro. with Woodcuts, 7s. 6d. Low'sElements of Practical Agriculture; comprehending the Cultivation of Plants, the Husbandry of the Domestic Animals, and the Economy of the Farm. New Edition ; with 200 Woodcuts. 8vo. 21s. Macaulay. Speeches of the Right Hon. Lord Macaulay. Corrected by HIMSELF. 8?o. price 12s. Lord Macaulay's Speeches on Parliamentary Reform, 16mo. price Is. Macaulay. The History of England from the Accession of James II. By the Right Hon. LOED MACAULAY. New Edition. VOLS. I. and II. 8vo. price 32s. ; VOLS. III. and IV. price 36s. Lord Macaulay's History of England from the Accession of James II. New Edition of the first Four Volumes of the 8vo. Edition, revised and corrected. 7 vols. post 8vo. price 6s. each. Lord Macaulay's Critical and Historical Essays contributed to The Edinburgh Review. Four Editions, as follows : 1. A LIBRARY EDITION (the Ninth\ in 3 rols. STO. price 36s. t. Complete in OXB VOLUME, with Portrait and Vig- nette. Square crown STO. price 21s. cloth; or 30s. calf. S. Another NEW EDITION, in 3 vcls. fop. 8vo. price- Sis, cloth. 4. The PEOPLE'S EDITION, in 2 vols, crown STO. price Ss. cloth. NEW WORKS AND NEW EDITIONS Macaulay. Lays of Ancient Rome, with Ivry and the Armada. By the Right Hon. LORD MACAULAY. New Edition. 16mo, price 4s. 6d. cloth; or 10s. 6d. bound in morocco. Lord Macaulay's Lays of Ancient Rome. With numerous Illustrations, Original and from the Antique, drawn on Wood by George Scharf, jun., and engraved by Samuel Williams. New Edition. Fcp. 4to. price 21s. boards ; or 42s. bound in morocco. Mac Donald. Poems. By George MAC DONALD, Author of Within and With- out. Fcp. 8vo. 7s. Mac Donald. Within and Without : A Dramatic Poem. By GEORGE MAC DONALD. Second Edition, revised. Fcp. 8vo. 4s. 6d. MacDougall. The Theory of War illus- trated by numerous Examples from His- tory. By Lieutenant-Colonel MACDOUGALL, Commandant of the Staff College. Second Edition, revised. Post 8vo. with 10 Plans of Battles, price 10s. 6d. MacDougall. The Campaigns of Hannibal, arranged and critically considered, ex- pressly for the use of Students of Military History. By Lieut.-Col. P. L. MAcDouaALL, Commandant of the Staff College. Post 8vo. with Map, 7s. 6d. M'Dougall. The Eventful Voyage of H.M. Discovery Ship Resolute to the Arctic Regions in Search of Sir John Franklin and the Missing Crews of H.M. Discovery Ships Erebus and Terror, 1852, 1853, 1854. By GEOEGE F. M'DOUGALL, Master. With a coloured Chart ; 8 Illustrations in tinted Lithography; and 22 Woodcuts. 8ro. price -21s. cloth. Sir James Mackintosh's Miscellaneous Works : Including his Contributions to The Edinburgh Review. Complete in One Yolume ; with Portrait and Vignette. Square crown 8vo. 21s. cloth ; or 30s. bound in calf: or in 3 vols. fcp. 8vo. 21s. Sir James Mackintosh's History of England from the Earliest Times to the final Esta- blishment of the Reformation. Library Edi- tion, revised. 2 vols. 8vo. 21s. M'Culloch's Dictionary, Practical, Theo- retical, and Historical, of Commerce and Commercial Navigation. Illustrated with Maps and Plans. New Edition, revised and adapted to the Present Time ; containing much additional Information. [Just ready. M'Culloch's Dictionary, Geographical, Statistical, and Historical, of the various Countries, Places, and principal Natural Objects in the World. Illustrated with Six large Maps. New Edition, revised; with a Supplement. 2 vols. 8 vo. price 63s. Maguire. Rome ; its Ruler and its In- stitutions. By JOHN FRANCIS MAGUIRE, M.P. Second Edition, revised and enlarged ; with a new Portrait of Pope Pius IX. set. 66. Post 8vo. 10s. 6d. Mrs. Marcet's Conversations on Natural Philosophy, in which the Elements of that Science are familiarly explained. Thirteenth Edition, enlarged and corrected ; with 34 Plates. Fcp. 8vo. price 10s. 6d. Mrs. Marcet's Conversations on Chemistry, in which the Elements of that Science are familiarly explained and illustrated by Experiments. New Edition, enlarged and improved. 2 vols. fcp. 8vo. price 14s. Marshman. The Life and Times of Carey, Marshman, and Ward : Embracing the History of the Serampore Mission. By JOHN CLARK MARSHMAN. 2 vols. 8vo. price 25s. Martineau. Studies of Christianity : A Series of Original Papers, now first col- lected or new. By JAMES MARTINEAU. Crown 8vo. 7s. 6d. Martineau. Endeavours after the Christian Life : Discourses. By JAMES MARTINEAU. 2 vols. post 8vo. 7s. 6d. each. Martineau. Hymns for the Christian Church and Home. Collected and edited by JAMES MARTINEAU. Eleventh Edition, 12mo. 3s. 6d. cloth, or 5s. calf; Fifth Edition, 32mo. Is. 4d. cloth, or Is. 8d. roan. Martineau. Miscellanies : Comprising Essays on Dr. Priestley, Arnold's Life and, ('orre~ spondence, Church and State, Tbeodore Parker's Discourse of Re/if/ion, "Phases of Faith," the Church of England, and the Battle of the Churches. By JAMES MAR- TINEAU. Post 8vo. 9s. Maunder's Scientific and Literary Trea- sury : A new and popular Encyclopaedia of Science and the Belles-Lettres ; including all branches of Science, and every subject connected with Literature and Art. New Edition. Fcp. 8vo. price 10s. cloth j bound in roan, 12s. j calf, 12s. 6d. PUBLISHED BY LONGMAN, GREEN, AND CO. ffi Maimder's Biographical Treasury ; con- sisting of Memoirs, Sketches, and brief Notices of above 12,000 Eminent Persons of All Ages and Nations, from the Earliest Period of History: Forming a complete Popular Dictionary of Universal Biography. Eleventh Edition, revised, corrected, and ex- tended in a Supplement to the Present Time. Fcp. 8vo. 10s. cloth ; bound in roan, 12s. ; calf, 12s. Gd. Maimder's Treasury of Knowledge, and Library of Reference. Comprising an Eng- lish Dictionary and Grammar, a Universal Gazetteer, a Classical Dictionary, a Chrono- logy, a Law Dictionary, a Synopsis of the Peerage, numerous useful Tables, &c. New Edition, entirely reconstructed and re- printed ; revised and improved by B. B. WOODWARD, B.A. F;S.A. : Assisted by J. MORRIS, Solicitor, London ; andW. HUGHES, F.R.G.S. Fcp. 8vo. 10s. cloth j bound in roan, 12s. ; calf, .12s. 6d. Maunder's Treasury of Natural History; or, a Popular Dictionary of Animated Nature : In which the Zoological Character- istics that distinguish the different Classes, Genera, and Species, are combined with a variety of interesting Information illustrative of the Habits, Instincts, and General Eco- nomy of the Animal Kingdom. With 900 Woodcuts. New Edition. Fcp. 8vo. price 10s. cloth ; roan, 12s. j calf, 12s. 6d. Maunder's Historical Treasury; com- prising a General Introductory .Outline of Universal History, Ancient and Modern, and a Series of separate Histories of every principal Nation that exists ; their Rise, Progress, and Present Condition, the Moral and Social Character of their respective In- habitants, their Religion, Manners and Cus- toms, &c. New Edition ; revised through- out, with a new GENERAL INDEX. Fcp. 8vo. 10s. cloth ; roan, 12s. j calf, 12s. 6d. Maunder's Geographical Treasury. The Treasury of Geography, Physical, His- torical, Descriptive, and Political ; contain- ing a succinct Account of Every Country in the World : Preceded by an Introductory Outline of the History of Geography ; a Familiar Inquiry into the Varieties of Race and Language exhibited by different Nations; and a View of the Relations of Geography to Astronomy and Physical Science. Com- pleted by WILLIAM HUGHES, F.R.G.S. New 'on\ with 7 Maps and 16 Steel Plates. Fcp. 8vo. 10a. cloth ; roan, 12s. ; calf, 12e. 6d. Mildred Norman the Nazarene. By a WORKING MAN. Crown 8vo. 5s. Merivale. A History of the Romans under the Empire. By the Rev. CHARLES MERIVALK, B.D., late Fellow of St. John's College, Cambridge. 8vo. with Maps. VOLS. I. uu.l II. comprising the History to the Fall of MMtuCeBMtr. Second Edition 28e ; VOL. III. to the establishment of the Monarchy by Au- gustus. Second Edition Us. VOLS. IV. and V. from Augustus to Claudius, B.C. 27 to A.D. 51 3*. VOL. VI. from the Reign of A>ro,.A.D. 54, to the Fall of Jerusalem, A.D. 70 iGs. Merivale. The Fall of the Roman Republic : A 'Short History of the Last Century of the Commonwealth. By the Rev. C. MERI- VALE, B.D. New Edition. 12mo. 7s. 6d. Merivale (Miss). Christian Records : "Short History of Apostolic Age. By L. A. MERIVALE. Fcp. 8vo. 7s. 6d. Miles. The 'Horse's Foot, and How to Keep it Sound. Eighth Edition ; with an Appendix on Shoeing in general, and Hunters in particular, 12 Plates and 12 Woodcuts. By W. MILES, Esq. Imperial 8vo. 12s. 6d. V Two Casts or Models of Off Fore Feet, No. 1, Shod for All Purposes, No. 2, Shod with Leather, on Mr. Miles's plan, may be had, price 3s. each. Miles.' A Plain Treatise on Horse-Shoeing. By WILLIAM MILES, Esq. With Plates and Woodcuts. New Edition. Post 8vo. 2s. Milner's History of the Church of Christ. With Additions by the late Rev. ISAAC MILKER, D.D., F.R.S. A New Edition, revised, with additional Notes by the Rev. T. GRANTIIAM, B.D. 4 vok! ;8vo. price 52s. Minturn. From 'New York to Delhi by way of Rio de Janeiro, Australia, and China. By ROBERT B. MINTURN, Jun. With coloured -Route- Map of India. Post Svo. price 7s. 6d. Mollhausen. Diary of a Journey from the Mississippi to the Coasts of the Pacific, with a United States Government Expedi- tion. By B. MOLLHAUSEN, Topographical Draughtsman and Naturalist to the Expe- dition. With an Introduction by Baron HUMBOLDT ; a Map, coloured Illustrations, and Woodcuts. 2 vols. Svo. 30s. James Montgomery's Poetical Works: Collective Edition ; with the Author's Auto- biographical Trefaces, complete in One Yolume ; with Portrait and Yi^ictte. Square crown 8vo. price 10s. 6d. cloth ; morocco, 21s. Or, in 1. vok-. fcp. Svo. with Portrait, and 7 other Plates, price 14s. 16 NEW WORKS AND NEW EDITIONS Moore. The Power of the Soul over the Body, considered in relation to Health and Morals. By G-EOBGE MOOSE, M.D. Fifth Edition. Fcp. 8vo. 6s. Moore. Man and his Motives. By George MOOBE, M.D. Third Edition. Fcp. 8vo. 6s. Moore. The Use of the Body in relation to the Mind. By GEOBGE MOOBE, M.D. Third Edition. Fcp. 8vo. 6s. Moore. Memoirs, Journal, and Corre- spondence of Thomas Moore. Edited by the Eight Hon. LOBD JOHN RUSSELL, M.P. With Portraits and Yignette Illustrations. 8 vols. post 8vo. price 10s. 6d. each. Thomas Moore's Poetical Works : Com- prising the Author's Autobiographical Pre- faces, latest Corrections, and Notes. Yarious Editions of the separate Poems and complete Poetical Works, as follows : s. d. LALLA ROOKH, 32mo. ruby type 1 LALLA EOOKH, 16mo. Vignette 26 LALLA EOOKH, square crown 8vo. Plates 15 LALLA ROOKH, fcp. 4to. with Woodcut Illustra- tions by TENKIEL, in the press. IRISH MELODIES, 32mo. ruby type 1 IRISH MELODIES, 16mo. Vignette 2 6 IRISH MELODIES, square crown 8vo. Plates 21 IRISH MELODIES, illustrated by MACLISE, super- royal 8vo 31 6 SONGS, BALLADS, and SACRED SONGS, 32mo. ruby type 2 6 SONGS, BALLADS, and SACRED SONGS, 16mo. Vignette 5 POETICAL WORKS, People's Edit. 10 PAKTS, each 1 POETICAL WORKS, Cabinet Edition, 10 VOLS. ea. 3 6 POETICAL WORKS, Traveller's Edit., crown 8vo. 12 6 POETICAL WORKS, Library Edition, medium 8vo. 21 SELECTIONS, entitled " POETRY and PICTURES fromTHOMAS MOORE," fcp.4to. with WoodEngs. 21 MOORE'S EPICUREAN, 16mo. Vignette 5 Editions printed with the Music. IRISH MELODIES, People's Edition, small 4to. . . 12 IRISH MELODIES, imperial. 8vo. small music size 31 6 HARMONISED AIRS from IRISH MELODIES, imperialSvo 15 NATIONAL AIRS, People's Edition, 10 Nos. each. . 1 NATIONAL AIRS, imperial 8vo. small music size. . 31 6 SACRED SONGS and SONGS from SCRIPTURE, imperialSvo 16 No Edition of Thomas Moore's Poetical Works, or of any separate Poem of Moore's, can be published complete except by Messrs. LONGMAN and Co. Morell. Elements of Psychology : Part I., containing the Analysis of the Intellectual Powers. By J. D. MOEELL, M.A., One of Her Majesty's Inspectors of Schools. Post 8vo. 7s. 6d. Morning Clouds. By the Author of The Afternoon of Life. Second and cheaper Edition, revised throughout. Fcp. 8vo. 5s. Morris (F. 0.) Anecdotes in Natural History. By the Rev. F. O. MORRIS, B.A., Hector of Nunburnholme, Yorkshire, Author of " History of the Nests and Eggs of British Birds," &c. Fcp. 8vo. [Just ready. Morris (J.)-The Life and Martyrdoir of St. Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Can terbury and Legate of the Holy See. B JOHN MORRIS, Canon of Northampton Post 8vo. 9s. Morton. The Resources of Estates : A Treatise on the Agricultural Improvemen and G-eneral Management of Lande Property. By JOHN LOCKHABT MOBTON Civil and Agricultural Engineer ; Autho of Thirteen Highland and Agricultura Society Prize Essays. With 2 5 Illustrations in Lithography. Royal 8vo. 31s. 6d. Moseley. The Mechanical Principles of Engineering and Architecture. By H. MOSELEY, M.A., F.R.S., Canon of Bristol, &c. Second Edition, enlarged; with nu- merous Corrections and Woodcuts. 8vo. 24s. Memoirs and Letters of the late Colone ARMINE MOUNTAIN, Aide-de-Camp to th Qween, and Adjutant-General of Her Ma jesty's Forces in India. Edited by Mr MOUNTAIN. Second Edition, revised ; wit Portrait. Fcp. 8vo. price 6s. Mure. A Critical History of the Lan guage and Literature of Ancient Grreec By WILLIAM MUBE, M.P. of CaldwelJ Second Edition. VOLS. I. to III. 8vo. pric 36s. ; YOL. IY. price 15s. ; YOL. Y. price 18 Murray's Encyclopaedia of Geography comprising a complete Description of th Earth : Exhibiting its Relation to th Heavenly Bodies, its Physical Structure, th Natural History of each Country, and th Industry, Commerce, Political Institution and Civil and Social State of All Nation Second Edition ; with 82 Maps, and upward of 1,000 other Woodcuts. 8vo. price 60s. Neale. The Closing Scene ; or, Chris tianity and Infidelity contrasted in the Las Hours of Remarkable Persons. By th Rev. ERSKINE NEALE, M.A. New Editions 2 vols. fcp. 8vo. price 6s. each. PUBLISHED BY LONGMAN, QUEEN, AUD CO. 17 Normanby (Lord). A Year of Revolu- tion. From a Journal kept in Paris in the Year 1848. By the Marquis of NORMANBY, K.Q. 2 vols. 8vo. 2-is. Ogilvie. The Master-Builder's Plan; or, the Principles of Organic Architecture as indicated in the Typical Forms of Animals. By GEORGE OGILTIE, M.D. Post 8vo. With 72 Woodcuts, price 6s. 6d. Oldacre. The Last of the Old Squires. A Sketch. By CEDEIC OLDACEE, Esq., of Sax - Normanbury, sometime of Christ Church, Oxon. Crown 8vo. price 9s. 6d. Osborn. Quedah ; or, Stray Leaves from a Journal in Malayan Waters. By Captain SHEEAED OSBOEN, R.N., C.B., Author of Stray Leaves from an Arctic Jour- nal, &c. With a coloured Chart and tinted Illustrations. Post 8vo. price 10s. 6d. Osborn. The Discovery of the North- West Passage by H.M.S. Investigator^ Cap- tain R. M'CLUEE, 1850-1854. Edited by Captain SHEEAED OSBORN, C.B., from the Logs and Journals of Captain R. M'Clure. Third Edition, revised ; with Additions to the Chapter on the Hybernation of Animals in the Arctic Regions, a Geological Paper by Sir RODEEICK I. MUECHISON, a Portrait of Captain M'Clure, a coloured Chart and tinted Illustrations. 8vo. price 15s. Owen. Lectures on the Comparative ' Anatomy and Physiology of the Invertebrate Animals, delivered at the Royal College of Surgeons. By RICHAED OWEN, F.R.S., Hunterian Professor to the College. Second Edition, with 235 Woodcuts. 8vo. 21s. Professor Owen's Lectures on the Comparative Anatomy and Physiology of the Vertebrate Animals, delivered at the Royal College of Surgeons in 1844 and 1846. With numerous Woodcuts. YOL. I. 8vo. price 14s. Memoirs of Admiral Parry, the Arctic Navigator. By his Son, the Rev. E. PAEEY, M.A. of Balliol College, Oxford ; Domestic Chaplain to the Lord Bishop of London. Sixth Edition ; with a Portrait and coloured Chart of the North-West Passage. Fcp. 8vo. price 5s. Pattison. The Earth and the Word; or, Geology for Bible Students. By S. R. PATTISON, F.G.S. Fcp. 8vo. with coloured Map, 3s. 6d. Peaks, Passes, and Glaciers : a Series of Excursions by K. L. AMES, M.A. E. ANDEESOK, J. BALL, M.B.I.A. C. H. BUNBUBY, M.A. Rev. J. LL. DAVIES, M.A. R. W. E. FOESTEK, Rev. J. F. HABDY, B.D. F. V. HAWKINS, M.A. T. W. HIKCHLIPF, M.A. E. S. KENNEDY, 15.A. W. MATHBWS, Jan., M.A. A. C. RAMSAY. F.R S. & G.S. A. WILLS, of the Middle Tem- ple, Barrister-ut-Law, and J. TYNDALL, F.R.S. Edited by JOHN BALL, M.R.I.A., F.L.S., President of the Alpine Club. Second Edition ; with 8 Illustrations in Chromo- lithography, 8 Maps illustrative of the Mountain-Explorations described in the volume, a Map illustrative of the Ancient Glaciers of part of Caernarvonshire, various Engravings on Wood, and several Diagrams. Square crown 8vo. 21s. %* The EIGHT Swiss MAPS, accompanied by a Table of the HEIGHTS of MOUNTAINS, may be had separately, price 3s. 6d. Dr. Pereira's Elements of Materia Medica and Therapeutics. Third Edition^ enlarged and improved from the Author's Materials, by A. S. TAYLOR, M.D., and G. O. REES, M.D. : With numerous Wood- cuts. VOL. I. 8vo. 28s. ; VOL. II. PAST I. 21s. ; VOL. II. PART II. 26s. Dr. Pereira's Lectures on Polarised Light, together with a Lecture on the Microscope. 2d Edition, enlarged from Materials left by the Author, by the Rev. B. POWELL, M.A., &c. Fcp. 8vo. with Woodcuts, 7s. Perry. The Franks, from their First Appearance in History to the Death of King Pepin. By WALTEE C. PEEEY, Barrister- at-Law, Doctor in Philosophy and Master of Arts in the University of Gottingen. 8vo. price 12s. 6d. Peschel's Elements of Physics. Trans- lated from the German, with Notes, by E. WEST. With Diagrams and W'oodcuts. 3 vols. fcp. 8vo. 21s. Phillips's Elementary Introduction to Mineralogy. A New Edition, with extensive Alterations and Additions, by H. J. BROOKE, F.R.S., F.G.S. j and W. H. MILLER, M.A., F.G.S. With numerous Wood Engravings. Post 8vo. 18s. Phillips. A Guide to Geology. By John PHILLIPS, M.A., F.R.S., F.G.S., &c. Fourth Edition, corrected to the Present Time; with 4 Plates. Fcp. 8vo. 5s. 18 ItfEW WORKS A:ND NEW EDITIONS Piesse's Chymical, Natural, and Physi- cal Magic, for the Instruction and Enter- tainment of Juveniles during the Holiday Vacation. With 30 Woodcuts and an In- visible Portrait of the Author. Fcp. 8vo. 3s. 6d. harlequin cloth. Piesse's Art of Perfumery, and Methods of Obtaining the Odours of Plants : With Instructions for the Manufacture of Pcvfumes for the Handkerchief, Scented Powders, Odorous Vinegars, Dentifrices, Pomatums, Cosmetiques, Perfumed Soap, &c. ; and an Appendix on the Colours of Mowers, Arti- ficial Fruit Essences, &c. Second Edition^ revised and improved j with 46 Woodcuts. Crown 8vo. 8s. 6d. Pitt. How to Brew good Beer : a com- plete Guide to the Art of Brewing Ale, Bitter Ale, Table Ale, Brown Stout, Porter, and Table Beer. To which are added Prac- tical Instructions for making Malt. By JOHN PITT, Butler to Sir AVilliam R. P. Geary, Bart. 'Fc;>. 8vo. 4s. 6d. Porter, History of the Knights of Malta, or the Order of the Hospital of St. John of Jerusalem. By Major WHITWORTH POETEE, Royal Engineers. With 5 Illus- trations. 2 vols. 8vo. 24s. Powell. Essays on the Spirit of the Inductive Philosophy, the Unity of Worlds, and the Philosophy of Creation. By the RCV.BADEN POWELL, M.A.,F.R.S.,F.R.A.S., F.G.S., Savilian Professor of Geometry in the University of Oxford. Second Edition, re- vised. Crown 8vo. with Woodcuts, 12s. 6d. Christianity without Judaism : A Second Series of Essays on the Unity of Worlds and of Nature. By the Eev. BADEN POWELL, M.A., -&c. Crown 8vo. 7s. 6d. The Order of Nature considered in reference to the Claims of Revelation : A Third Series of Essays on the Unity of Worlds and of Nature. By the Rev. BADEN POWELL, .M.A., &c. Crown 8vo. 12s. Pycroft. The Collegian's Guide ; or, Recollections of College Days : Setting forth the Advantages and Temptations of a Uni- versity Education. By the Rev. J. PYCKOFT, B.A. Second Edition. Fcp. 8vo. Py croft's Course of English Reading', adapted to every taste and capacity ; or, How and What to Read : With Literary Anecdotes. New Edition. Fcp.. 8vo. price 5s. Pycroft's Cricket-Field; or, the Science and History of the Game of Cricket. Third Edition, greatly improved; with Plates and Woodcuts. Fcp. 8vo. price 5s. Quatrefages (A. De). Rambles of a Naturalist on the Coasts of France, Spain, and Sicily. By A. De QUATREFAQES, Member of the Institute. Translated by E. C. OTTE. 2 vols. post 8vo. 15s. Raikes (T.) Portion of the Journal kept by THOMAS RAISES, Esq., from 1831 to 1847: Comprising Reminiscences of Social and Political Life in London and Paris during that period. New Edition, complete in 2 vols. crown 8vo. with 3 Portraits, price 12s. cloth. Rich's Illustrated Companion to the Latin Dictionary and Greek Lexicon : Form- ing a Glossary of all the Words representing Visible Objects connected with the Arts, Manufactures, and Every-Day Life of the Ancients. With about 2,000 Woodcuts from the Antique. Post 8vo. 21s. Richardson. Fourteen Years' Expe- rience of Cold Water : Its Uses and Abuses. By Captain M. RICHAEDSON, late of the 4th Light Dragoons. Post 8vo. with Woodcuts, price"6s. Horsemanship ; or, the Art of Riding and Managing a Horse, adapted to the Guid- ance of Ladies and Gentlemen on the Road and in the Field : With Instructions for Breaking-m Colts and Young Horses. By Captain M. RICHARDSON, late of the 4th Light Dragoons. With 5 _Plates. Square crown 8vo. 14s. Riddle's Copious and Critical Latin- English Lexicon, founded on the German- Latin Dictionaries of Dr. William Freund. New Edition. Post 4to. 31s. 6d. Riddle's Complete Latin-English and English-Latin Dictionary, for the use of Colleges and Schools. By the Rev. J. E. RIDDLE, M.A. of St. Edmund Hall, Oxford. New and cheaper Edition, revised and cor- rected. 8vo. 21s. vand. 2. Saint Francis of A ssisi. 3. The Founders of Jesuit- ism. 4. Martin Luther. 5. The French Benedic- tines. 6. The Port Royalist- 1 . 7. Richard Baxter. 8. The Evangelical Suc- cession. 9. William Wilberforce. 10. The Clapham Sect. 11. The Historian of En- thusiasm. 12. The Epilogue. Stonehenge. The Dog in Health and Disease : Comprising the Natural History, Zoological Classification, and Varieties of the Dog, as well as the various Modes of Breaking and Using him for Hunting, Coursing, Shooting, &c. ; and including the Points or Characteristics of Toy Dogs. By STONEHENGE. With about 70 Illustrations engraved on Wood. Square crown 8vo. price 15.?. half-bound. Stonehenge's Work on the Greyhound : Being a Treatise on the Art of Breeding, Eearing, and Training Greyhounds for Public Eun- ning ; their Diseases and Treatment : Con- taining also Eules for the Management of Coursing Meetings, and for the Decision of Courses. With Frontispiece and Woodcuts. Square crown 8vo. 21s. Stow. The Training System of Educa- tion ; including Moral School Training for large Towns, and the Normal Seminary for Training Teachers to conduct' the System. By DAVID STOW, Esq., Honorary Secretary to the Normal Seminary, Glasgow. Eleventh Edition, enlarged ; with Plates and Wood- cuts. Post 8vo. price 6s. 6d. Strickland. Lives of the Queens of England. By AGNES STRICKLAND. Dedi- cated, by express permission, to Her Ma- jesty. Embellished with Portraits of every Queen, engraved from the most authentic sources. Complete in 8 vols. post 8vo. price 7s. 6d. each. Any Volume may be had separately to complete Sets. Memoirs of Rear-Admiral Sir William Symonds, Knt., C.B., F.E.S., Surveyor of the Navy, from 1832 to 1847 : With Cor- respondence and other Papers relative to the Ships and Vessels constructed upon his Lines, as directed to be published under his Will. Edited by JAMES A. SHARP. With Sections and Woodcuts. 8vo. price 21s. Taylor. Loyola : and Jesuitism in its Eudiments. By ISAAC TAYLOR. Post 8vo. with Medallion, 10s. 6d. Taylor. Wesley and Methodism. By ISAAC TAYLOR. Post 8vo. Portrait, 10s. 6d. Tennent. Ceylon : an Account of the Island, Physical, Historical, and Topo- graphical : with copious Notices of its Natural History, Antiquities, and Produc- tions. Illustrated by 7 Maps, 17 Plans and Charts, and 101 Engravings on Wood. By Sir J. EMERSON TENNENT, K.C.S., LL.D., &c. 2 vols. 8vo. \V WORKS AND NEW EDITIONS COM P LET ION THE TRAVELLER'S LIBRARY, Summary of the Contents of the TRAVELLER'S LIBRARY, complete in 102 Parts, price One Shilling each, or in 50 Volumes, price 2$. 6d. each in cloth. To be had also, in complete Sets only, at Five Guineas per Set, bound in, cloth, lettered, in 25 Volumes, classified as follows : VOYAGES AND TRAVELS. IN EUROPE. A CONTINENTAL TOUR ........ BY J. BARROW. ARCTIC VOYAGES AND ND \ f E 'BIB BRITTANY AND THE BIBLE ...... BY I. HOPE. BRITTANY AND THE CHASE ...... BY I. HOPE. CORSICA . . ....... BY F. GREGOROVIUS. GERMANY, ETC.: NOTES OF 1 -n^QTAmp A TRAVELLER ............ j .... BY S. LAING. ICELAND ............................ BY P. MILES. NORWAY, A RESIDENCE IN . ..... BY S. LAING. NORWAY, RAMBLES IN ...... BY T. FORESTER. RUSSIA ........ BY THE MARQUIS DE CUSTINE. RUSSIA AND TURKEY .. BY J. R. M'CULLOCH. ST. PETERSBURG ............ BY M. JERRMANN. THE RUSSIANS OF THE SOUTH, BY S. BROOKS. SWISS MEN AND SWISS1 ^ p pp^rTT^nxr MOUNTAINS- ............ / BT R - FERGUSON. MONT BLANC, ASCENT OF ...... BY J. AULDJO. SKETCHES OF NATURE \ __ p V rwrnwTTT>T IN THE ALPS .......... / BY F> VON TSCHUDI. VISIT TO THE VAUDOIS1 ^ v QF PIEDMONT ........ J ...... BT IN ASIA. CHINA AND THIBET BY THE ABBE' HUG. SYRIA AND PALESTINE " EOTHEN." THE PHILIPPINE ISLANDS, BY P. GIRONIERE. IN AFRICA. AFRICAN WANDERINGS BY M. WERNE . MOROCCO BY X. DURRIEU. NIGER EXPLORATION. .BY T. J. HUTCH INSON. THE ZULUS OF NATAL BY G. H. MASON. IN AMERICA. BRAZIL BY E. WILBERFORCE. CANADA BY A. M. JAMESON. CUBA BY W. H. HURLBUT. NORTH AMERICAN WILDS .... BYC. LANMAN. IN AUSTRALIA. AUSTRALIAN COLONIES BY W. HUGHES. ROUND THE WORLD. A LADY'S VOYAGE BY IDA PFEIFFER. HISTORY AND BIOGRAPHY. MEMOIR OF THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON. THE LIFE OF MARSHAL \ BY THE REV. T. 0. TURENNE / COCKAYNE. SCHAMYL .... BY BODENSTEDT AITO WAGNER. FERDINAND I. AND MAXIMI- 1 _ LIAN II / B FRANCIS ARAGO'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY. THOMAS HOLCROFT'S MEMOIRS. CHESTERFIELD & SELWYN, BY A. HAYWARD. SWIFT AND RICHARDSON, BY LORD JEFFREY. DEFOE AND CHURCHILL .... BY J. FORSTER. ANECDOTES OF DR. JOHNSON, BY MRS.P10ZZ1. TURKEY AND CHRISTENDOM. LEIPSIC CAMPAIGN, BY THE REV. G. R. GLEIG. AN ESSAY ON THE LIFE AND) BY HENRY GENIUS OF THOMAS FULLER/ ROGERS. ESSAYS BY LORD MACAULAY. WARREN HASTINGS. LORD CLIVE. WILLIAM PITT. THE EARL OF CHATHAM. RANKE'S- HISTORY OF THE POPES, GLADSTONE ON CHURCH AND STATE. ADDISON'S LIFE AND WRITINGS. HORACE WALPOLE. LORD BACON. LORD BYRON. COMIC DRAMATISTS OF THE RESTORATION. FREDERIC THE GREAT. HALLAM'S CONSTITUTIONAL HISTORY. CROKER'S EDITION OF BOSWELL'S LIFE OF JOHNSON. LORD MACAULAY'S SPEECHES ON PARLIA- MENTARY REFORM. WORKS OF FICTION. THE LOVE STORY, FROM SOUTHEY'S DOCTOR. SIR ROGER DE COVERLEY. . . . } S /|^ T ^. MEMOIRS OF A MAITRE-D'ARMES-, BY- DUMAS. CONFESSIONS OF A 1 wv v SOTTVTNTRF WORKING MAN.. / BY E. feOUVEfe AN ATTIC PHILOSO PHER IN PARIS . , SIR EDWARD SEA HIS SHIPWRECK. ...BYE. SOUVESTRE. ARD'S NARRATIVE OF NATURAL HISTORY, &c. NATURAL HISTORY OF \ __ N... .. / BT np T DRl L< CREATION. INDICATIONS OF INSTINCT, BY DR. L. KEMP. ELECTRIC TELEGRAPH, &c. BY DR. G. OUR COAL-FIELDS AND OUR COAL-PITS. CORNWALL, ITS MINES, MINERS, &c. MISCELLANEOUS WORKS. LECTURES AND ADDRESSES { SELECTIONS FROM SYDNEY SMITH'S WRITINGS. PRINTING ... BY A. STARK. RAILWAY MORALS AND\ - v H RAILWAY POLICY ] . . BY H. MORMON1SM . . B-Y THE REV. W, J. COXYBEARE,. LONDON BY J. R. M'CULLOCH, PUBLISHED BY LONGMAN, (.; J ; D CO. 23 Thirlwall . The History of Greece, By the Eight Rev. the LORD BISHOP of ST. DAVID'S (the Rev. Connop Thirlwall). 8 vols. 8vo. with Maps, 3. An Edition in 8 vols. fcp. 8vo. with Vignette Titles, 28s. Thomson's Seasons. Edited by Bolton COBNEY, Esq. Illustrated with 77 fine Wood Engravings from Designs by Mem- bers of the Etching Club. Square crown STO. 21s. cloth ; or 36s. bound in morocco. Thomson (the Rev. Dr.) -An Outline of the necessary Laws of Thought : A Treatise on Pure and Applied Logic. By WILLIAM THOMSON, D.D., Provost of Queen's College, Oxford. 4/A Edition. Fcp. 8vo. 7s. 6d. Thomson's Tables of Interest, at Three, Four, Four-and-a-Half, and Five per Cent,, from One Pound to Ten Thousand, and from 1 to 365 Days, in a regular progression of single Days j with Interest at all the above Rates, from One to Twelve Months, and from One to Ten Years. Also, numerous other Tables of Exchanges, Time, and Dis- counts. New Edition. 12rno. price 8s. The Thumb Bible ; or, Verbum Sempi- ternum. By J. TAYLOE. Being an Epi- tome of the Old and New Testaments in English Verse. Reprinted from the Edition of 1693; bound and clasped. 64mo. Is. 6d. Todd (Dr.) -The Cyclopedia of Anatomy and Physiology. Edited by ROBERT B. TODD, M.D., F.R.S., &c., Physician to King's College Hospital; late Professor of General and Morbid Anatomy in King's College, London. Assisted in the various departments by nearly all the most eminent cultivators of physiological science of- the present age. Now complete in 5 vols. 8vo. pp. 5,350, illustrated with 2,853 Wood- cuts, price 6. 63. cloth, Tooke. History of Prices, and of the State of the Circulation, during the Nine Years from 1848 to 1856 inclusive. Form- ing VOLS. V. and VI. of Tooke' s History of Prices from 1792 to the Present Time; and comprising a copious Index to the whole of the Six Volumes. By THOMAS TOOKE, F.R.S. and WILLIAM NEWMAKCH. 2 vols. 8vo. price 52s. 6d. Xrevelyan (Sir C.) Original Papers illustrating the History of the Application of the Roman Alphabet to the Languages of India. Edited by MONIES WILLIAMS. M.A., late Professor of Sanskrit in the East-India College, Haileybury. 8vo. with Map, 12s. Trollope . The Warden : a Novel. By ANTHONY TIIOLLOPE. New and cheaper Edi- tion. Crown 8vo. price 3s. 6d. cloth. Trollope's Barchester Towers, a Sequel to the Warden. New and cheaper Edition, com- plete in One Volumo. Crown 8vo. 5s-. Sharon Turner's History of the Anglo- Saxons, from the Earliest Period to the Norman Conquest. Seventh Edition, revised by the Rev. S. TFBNEB. 3 vols. 8vo. 36s. Dr. Turton's Manual of the Land and Fresh-Water Shells of Great Britain : With Figures of each of the kinds. New Edition, with Additions, by Dr. J. E. GBAY, F.R.S., &c., Keeper of the Zoological Collection in the British Museum. Crown 8vo. with. U2 coloured Plates, price 15s. cloth. Dr. Ure's Dictionary of Arts, Manufac- tures, and Mines : Containing a clear Expo- sition of their Principles and Practice. Fourth Edition, much enlarged ; most of the Articles being entirely re- written, . and many new Articles added. With nearly 1,600 Woodcuts. 2 vols. 8vo. price 60s. Uwins. Memoir and Correspondence of Thomas Uwins, R.A., late Keeper of the Royal Galleries and of the National Gallery, &c. Edited by Mrs. UWINS. 2 vols, post 8vo. 18s. Van Der Hoeven's Handbook of Zoology. Translated by the Rev. WILUAM CLABF, M:D., F.R.S., &c. Professor of Anatomy in the University of Cambridge. 2 vols. 8vo. with 24 Plates of Figures, price 60s. cloth ; or separately, VOL. I. Invert ebrat a, 30s., and VOL. II. Vcrtebrata t 30s. Vehse. Memoirs of the Court, Aristo- cracy, and Diplomacy of Austria. By Dr. E. VEHSE. Translated from the German by FRANZ DEMMLEB. 2 vols. post 8vo. 21s. Von Tempsky- Mitla ; or, Incidents and Personal Adventures on a Journey in Mexico, Guatemala, and Salvador, in the Years 1853 to 1865^ By G.F. VON TEMPSKY. With Map, Illustrations in colours, and Woodcuts. 8?o. 18e. Wade. England's Greatness: Its Else and Progress iuGovernment, Laws, Religion, and Social Life ; Agriculture, Commerce, and Manufactures; Science, Literature, and the Arts, from the Earliest Period to the Peace of Paris. By JOHN WADE, Author of the Cabinet Lawyer^ &c. Post 8vo. 10s, 6d. Wanderings in the Land of Ham. By a DAUGHTER of JAPHET. Post 8vo. 8s. 6d. 24 NEW WORKS PUBLISHED BY LONGMAN AND CO. Waterton. Essays on Natural History, chiefly Ornithology. By C. WATERTON, Esq. With the Autobiography of the Author. 2 vols. fcp. 8vo. 10s. Waterton's Essays on Natural History. Third Series ; with a Continuation of the Auto- biography, and a Portrait of the Author. Second Edition, Fcp. 8vo. price 6s. Watson's Cybele Britannica ; or, British Plants and their Geographical Relations. By HEWETT COTTRELL WATSON. 4 vols. 8vo. price 42s. cloth ; or each vol. separately, price 10s. 6d. The fourth volume is de- voted to general views and tabular sum- maries, showing the phy to -geography of Britain under various aspects. Webb. Celestial Objects for Common Telescopes. By the Eev. T. W. WEBB, M.A., F.R.A.S., Incumbent of Hardwick, Herefordshire. With Woodcuts, and a Map of the Moon 12 inches in diameter engraved on Steel. 16mo. 7s. Webster and Parkes's Encyclopaedia of Domestic Economy ; comprising such sub- jects as are most immediately connected with Housekeeping : As, The Construction of Domestic Edifices, with the Modes of Warm- ing, Ventilating, and Lighting them A de- scription of the various articles of Furniture, with the nature of their Materials Duties of Servants &c. New Edition ; with nearly 1,000 Woodcuts. 8vo. price 50s. Weld. The Pyrenees, West and East, a Summer Holiday in 1858. By CHARLES RICHARD WELD, Barrister-at-Law. With 8 Illustrations in Chromo-xylography from Drawings by the Author. Post 8vo. 12s. 6d. Weld's Vacation Tour in the United States and Canada. Post 8vo. with Map, 10s. 6d. Weld's Vacations in Ireland. Post 8vo. with View. 10s. 6d. Willich's Popular Tables for ascertain- ing the Value of Lifehold, Leasehold, and Church Property, Renewal Fines, &c. j the Public Funds ; Annual Average Price and Interest on Consols from 1731 to 1858 ; Chemical, Geographical, Astronomical, Tri- gonometrical Tables ; Common and Hy- perbolic Logarithms ; Constants, Squares, Cubes, Roots, Reciprocals ; Diameter, Cir- cumference, and Area of Circles ; Length of Chords and Circular Arcs ; Area and Dia- gonal of Squares ; Diameter, Solidity, and Superficies of Spheres ; Bank Discounts ; Bullion and Notes, 1844 to 1859. Fourth Edition, enlarged. Post 8vo. price 10s. Wilmot's Abridgment of Blackstone's Commentaries on the Laws of England, in- tended for the use of Young Persons, and comprised in a series of Letters from a Father to his Daughter. 12mo. price 6s. 6d. Wilson's Bryologia Britannica: Con- taining the Mosses of Great Britain and Ireland systematically arranged and described according to the Method of Bruch and Schimper ; with 61 illustrative Plates. Being a New Edition, enlarged and altered, of the Muscologia Britannica of Messrs. Hooker and Taylor. 8vo. 42s.; or, with the Plates coloured, price 4. 4s. cloth. Yonge.ANew English-Greek Lexicon Containing all the Greek Words used by Writers of good authority. By C. D. YONGE, B.A. Second Edition, revised and corrected. Post 4to. price 21s. Yonge's New Latin Gradus : Containing Every Word used by the Poets of good authority. For the use of Eton, West- minster, Winchester, Harrow, Charterhouse, and Rugby Schools ; King's College, Lon- don ; and Marlborough College. Sixth Edition. Post 8vo. price 9s. ; or with APPENDIX of Epithets classified, 12s. Youatt's Work on the Horse, comprising also a Treatise on Draught. With numerous AVoodcut Illustrations, chiefly from Designs- by W. Harvey. New Edition, revised and enlarged by E. N. GABRIEL, M.R.C.S., C.V.S., Secretary to the Royal College of Veterinary Surgeons. In One Volume, 8vo. price 10.?. Qd. cloth. Youatt. The Dog. By William Youatt. A 3S"ew Edition; with numerous Engravings, from Designs by W. Harvey. 8vo. 6s. Young. The Christ of History: An Argument grounded in the Facts of His Life on Earth. By JOHN YOUNG, LL.D. Second Edition. Post 8vo. 7s. 6d. Young. The Mystery; or, Evil and God. By JOHN YOTTNG, LL.D. Post 8vo. 7s. 6d. Zumpt's Grammar of the Latin Lan- guage. Translated and adapted for the use of English Students by DE. L. SCHMITZ, F.R.S.E. : With numerous Additions and Corrections by the Author and Translator. 4th Edition, thoroughly revised. 8vo. 14.s. [September 1859. T.CNPOV : PRINTED BY SPOTTISVVOODE & CO. NKW-STRF.ET SQUARE 14 DAY USE RETURN TO DESK FROM WHICH BORROWED LOAN DIPT. This book is due on the last date stamped below, or on the date to which renewed. Renewed books are subject to immediate recall. KZ.CD LD LD 21A-40m-4/63 (D6471slO)476B General Library University of California Berkeley 96 ENGLISH EDITION OF FRANCOIS ARACO'S WORKS. Now complete, in 2 vols. Svo. illustrated witk a Scries of ;.M I''!;'' and 358 Woodcuts, price 45s. cloth, OPULAE ASTRONOMY BY FRANCOIS ARAGO, MEMBER OF THE IXSTITL n TRANSLATED FROM THE ORIGINAL AND EDITED II V* \V. II. SMYTH", IXC L, Foil. SKC. U.S., \\D 11.0'IJFKT (Ml YNT, M A. T/K* Two Volumes may be had separately : VOL. I. with 10 Plates and 226 Woodcuts and Diagrams ...Svo. price '21<. VOL. II. with 6 Plates and 132 Woodcuts and Diagrams ...Svo. p "-. CRITICAL OPINIONS of the SECOND Voi.> the finished and accurate manner in which the translation is effected, reflecting highest credit upon the editors, the position of * work, as an authentic reflex of one of the eatest modern philosophers, will be indisputably 1 justly pre-emi, , . ' JOHN HULL. THIS excellent edition and translation of 1 Arago's JPoj . . (.<, my is now complete; id tlie two volumes iorm a treatise very iu- 2sting by reason of the multitude of its details, nich are all well rlas^ified, sufficiently illustrated, id indexed. The English work is an edition ! well as ft translation, and amoni; the duties iposed on its editors was that of supplying th- >nal defect in the French astronomer's recojnition 'the claims of English scitnce. esptriiil; - in 'mont of Mr. Adanis, English joibt-di i . rrier of the Plunet JV>pf M Vtronomy will take its prop r laei -. .mdard authorities on English shelves." . . , _ 'HIS volume completes the English version of M. Arago's Popular Astronomy. It con- ains no less than 848 pages, although the editors, itli sound judgment, have omitted certain pas- ; which, however interesting to French r. id n relating m itters peculiarly appertaining to ranee, have no effect completi i work as a treatise on < i : tained much that can scarcely he considered coming within the province of astnn,. instances they have heen influenced b) tin srest to an in^uirinc miml of the subjects, ami ti ,i inne ^ -M.-hur i . to adapt the work to the present state of astrn : editors have in an appendix continued the i ' ' comet ary orhits, : . it recent scorerics; including a ,st;r Lh lating to the comet discovered In Di June, 1H38. 'They have also abridL'i-i'. ' (ited to the minor planets, and thereby increas ; ,-; . J- work is no b on ti public, and brins the authoi expi istronomj Somepf thesi ' I ii i ' considered as coming ' but the translate inquiring mind tauthor, tl; ' . stal ' nomy . thi i i tinned tbe cata moi rei nttin . i to I I ncludinp thfr fuel , , il resultf re I < I ..-.,.. .... . thermometei expressed in tei - I ohri lln Hus1 ns of t! ' ' .... a view of Satnn i ' the engraver : we h . tl : : : ' ... nd in every re*pi of an imporl mill publi- I and com ison , : , ... ; , Knjrlish editors i skilled in author'* reputation as an not infallible in 1 ice ol Some of his x tnd his work is in ,.,... - ....... In the sti,. S rii s, miforn ' ~ ' ', AllAGO'S BIOGRAPHIES OF DISTINGUISHED SCIENTIFIC MEN. >anslated by Admiral W. H. SMYTH, D.C.L., For. Sec. K.S.; the Rer. BADEN 'OWELL, M.A. ; and ROBERT GRANT, M. A. ,. Svo ice 18s. AKAGO'S AUTOBIO- BAILLT ; 3. HF.RSC1TKL; 4. LA I- 1, A i I' ; f>. JO.SKP1I VOURTEK : 6. CAHNOT ; 7. MALUS; 8. 111. THOAfAS Yin 10 . '- MKS WATT (wil ft ARAGO'S METEOROLOGICAL ESSAYS. r ith8nlntrodudion by J.aron irrMiior.DT. 'I.'ra'i-lnf.Ml mvln- t - . I- .-. iVfajor-General E. SABINE, R.A., Treasurer and V.P.E.S Bvo ; I THUNDER AXD LIGHTNING; I-IRES OF ST. ELMO; S. GEOGRAPHY OF STORMS 4. KLKCTRO-MAGinm 5. ANIMAL ELKCTKIi . (1. TKRI! 7. AUROHA ' London: LONG-MAN, BROWN, and CO., Paternoster it t I HI! ?! : ! mm