3545 
 1739 
 
 Macready 
 The Irishman in London 
 
 lifornia 
 
 ional 
 
 lity
 
 src 
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES 
 
 FREDERIC THOMAS BLANCHARD 
 ENDOWMENT FUND
 
 THE 
 
 IRISHMAN in LONDON; 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE HAPPY AFRICAN. 
 
 A FARCE. 
 
 IN TWO ACTS. 
 
 PERFORMED AT 
 
 THE THEATRE-ROYAL, COVENT-GARDEX. 
 
 A NEW EDITION. 
 
 LONDON: 
 SOLD BY T. N. LONGMAN, PATERNOSTER-ROW, 
 
 1799*
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONS. 
 
 Captain Seymour, 
 
 - - Mr. Harley. 
 
 Mr. Colloony, - - 
 
 - Mr. M'Cready. 
 
 Mr. Froft, - - 
 
 - Mr. Munden. 
 
 Murtoch Delany, 
 
 - - Mr. Johnstone. 
 
 Edward, - - - 
 
 - Mr. Fawcett. 
 
 Cymon, - - - 
 
 - Mr. Blanchard. 
 
 Louifa, - - - 
 
 - - Mrs. Davis. 
 
 Caroline, - - 
 
 - - Mifs Chapman. 
 
 
 
 Scene London.
 
 w 
 
 IRISHMAN in LONDON; 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE HAPPT AFRICAN. 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 SCENE I. A Street. 
 
 Enter Seymour. 
 
 <SV)-w.\X7'ELC01VIE, once more, my native 
 country ! Being immured three long 
 months on board a fhip makes land appear 
 more delightful than even our fancy can paint it. 
 Yet, am I almoft infenfible to the pleafure, from 
 being at fo great a diftance from my beloved 
 Caroline. Oh, Jamaica, happy place ! which 
 contains all that is dear to me on earth. Her 
 cruel father mud have intercepted the letters 
 I wrote from America or fhe would have 
 contrived to let her Seymour know, flie dill re- 
 tained the fame cender affection for him Good 
 
 heaven! is it poffible ? Ha! realon contradicts 
 my fenfe of feeing, and tells my eyes they are 
 deceived 'Tb he! 
 
 Enter Mr. Frost. 
 
 Dear Sir, my joy at feeing the parent of my 
 Caroline fo unexpectedly 
 
 A 2 Fro/}. 
 
 558180
 
 4 THE IRISHMAN IN LONDON; 
 
 Frofi. This aflurance is paft bearing ; Damn 
 it, I never am to be happy I left the Weft-In- 
 dies to live in quiet, and here, one of the firft 
 things that prefents itfelf, is the perfon of all 
 others I wifli to avoid But my daughter is in 
 my power, and fhall marry the man I have fe- 
 lected for her directly I'll take care of her nap- 
 pi nefs. 
 
 Seym. Great care, indeed, to facrifice her 
 againft her inclinations to fome wretch Eur, 
 who is he ? Let me know where 
 
 Frofi. No matter who he is, or what he isj or 
 where he lives, or where I live 5 you know but 
 little of my family at prefent, and I am deter- 
 mined you fhall know lefs. 
 
 Seym. Will you Men to common fenfe or 
 reafon ? 
 
 Frofi. Yes j who have you brought that can 
 fpeak them ? 
 
 Seym. Come, come, Sir ; what objection can 
 you make to me ? My family is unexception- 
 able. 
 
 Frofi. That may be but you are a younger 
 brother. 
 
 Seym. Then, Sir, my character and principles 
 are, I hope 
 
 Frofi. Such as mod of our modern youths, 
 who launch into all the luxury and excefles of the 
 town, and then are obliged to fly the country, 
 while the honeft tradefman and induftrious me- 
 chanic fink into penury and wretchednefs. 
 
 Seym. I am acquainted with none fuch, nor do 
 I ever cordially reckon a man in the lift of my 
 friends, who could turn away from the cries of the 
 needy; or ftiut the open hand of mercy from the 
 poor. 
 
 < Frofi.
 
 A F A R C E. 5 
 
 " Frofi. You don't marry my daughter there- 
 fore be iatisfied. 
 
 " Seym-. Sir, my family is good, my conduct 
 irreproachable, my fortune tolerable, and then, 
 Sir, I have the honour to bear a Commiflion in 
 
 cc Frofi. That that's one thing about you I 
 don't like, the army. How could your fenfible 
 head ever think of that ? To go and be Ihot at 
 Oh! 
 
 " Seym. Come, com?, Sir; don't attempt to 
 ridicule a profeffion, which is the pride of every 
 nation What youth, pofieffed of the lead fpirit, 
 would remain inactive, when the fons of our So- 
 vereign fet fo glorious an example, by qualify- 
 ing themfelves to afTift in defending their native 
 country, in the field and on the ocean." 
 
 Frofi. Gad, I believe he is not fo bad as I 
 thought him ; but Liny is engaged, my word 
 given to a young fellow with a fine fortune, and I 
 always retain that principle of honour, to ferve my 
 friends, when, in fo doing, I doubly ferve myfelf. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Seym. Aftonifhing ! 'Tis fome comfort, how- 
 ever, to know (he is in England I would fol- 
 low him, but it is now the precife time Mr.Wilfon 
 appointed to meet me, as fecond to the gentle- 
 man who has challenged my friend, Lieutenant 
 Corbett; and here mud I continue, though at 
 the expence of happinefs, or, perhaps, be dif- 
 graced, for a violation of the mod pernicious 
 cuftom ever regarded in a civilized nation. 
 
 Enter Edward. 
 
 Edward. Oh, Sir, fuch news ! Mifs Caroline 
 is in town, has been here thefe two months I 
 found it out by the greateft chance. 
 
 Seym.
 
 6 THE IRISHMAN IN LONDON; 
 
 Seym. How, how ? 
 
 Edward* Why, Sir, I met Cymon, pretended 
 to him that I had left you in America, and he 
 told me they were all comej and that there was 
 great doings preparing for an elegant young 
 fellow from Ireland, who was to marry Mifs Ca- 
 roline immediately. 
 
 Seym. By heavens ! no fuch circumftance ever 
 fhall take place j and how to prevent it ? Ed- 
 ward, you, in general, have a happy invention, 
 and, I am certain, if you exert it, you might 
 gain me an interview, or, at all events, fome far- 
 ther intelligence. 
 
 Edward (ft ngs). " The perquifite foftens us into 
 confent." Ah ! my invention and genius are at 
 prefent employed -, contriving how I fhall avoid 
 the civilities of my taylor, fhoemaker, washer- 
 woman, and a few other friends, whom I left 
 rather abruptly Now they'll renew their former 
 mode of paying their refpe&s to me ; and though 
 I never return one vifit, they'll ftill continue their 
 kind inquiries If I had but a few guineas to fa- 
 tisfy thole gentry, my mind would be eafy, my 
 perfon free j and, thus difencumbered, I mould 
 mod certainly devife means to deliver from my 
 mailer, a letter to his dear Caroline, before me 
 consults her downy pillow this night. 
 
 Seym. My honeft fellow, make good your 
 words, and twenty guineas fhall be your reward. 
 
 Edward. Twenty guineas! twenty r She has 
 or I mean fhe fhall have the letter. Write ir 4 
 Sir, write it Let me have it. 
 
 Seym. While I ftop to write, be very particu- 
 lar in obferving any gentleman that may be here- 
 abouts ; and if he (hou!d feem at a lofs, direct 
 him to me, or come di;e5r.ly for. me. 
 
 Edward*
 
 A F A R C E. 7 
 
 Edward, O Lord! Oh, Sir, yonder I fee 
 my taylor I told you thefe people would im- 
 pede my march, if I was not prepared for them. 
 Dear me, how (hall I avoid him ? 
 
 Seym. Avoid him! Who is he ? What's his 
 name ? 
 
 Edward. His name is a the oh damn it, 
 'tis very odd I never can remember the name of 
 a man I owe money to that is, when I am poor; 
 for then I am always dejected at the fight of them. 
 But when I have money, and can pay them, I 
 face them as bold as a lion. How do you do? 
 fays I, how do you do ? 
 
 Seym. With thofe principles 'tis a pity you 
 fhould ever want Here, take tlrs, and obferve 
 my directions while I write the letter. [Exit. 
 
 Edward. I will, Sir What's here ? ten gui- 
 neas ! Mr. Snip ! Oh, he's off fame other way, 
 and I'll bedamn'd if I call him back Let me fee j 
 ten guineas ! my matter is a noble fellow I wifh 
 he was a General, then his pocket might keep 
 pace with his heart At prelcnt, the one is always 
 a day's march behind the other But how mall 
 I contrive to deliver my mailer's letter? No 
 matter I'll truft to chance, and convince him 
 with all his defpair, 
 
 That Englij]) wit., however defpWd by fame. 
 Like Engltjb valour Jiill Jhalt overcome. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Enter Col loony. 
 
 Coll. Oh London, London, dear London, as 
 Lrcher fays, had I millions, I'd fpend it all there 
 it's the mert for enjoyment The leedies lo be- 
 witching, the (queers lo elegant, the theatres fo> 
 
 enchanting,
 
 8 THE IRISHMAN IN LONDON; 
 
 enchanting, the players fo greet, and in fhort, 
 every thing fo captivating, that I wifti from my 
 heart I may never leave it Where is this fer- 
 vant of mine ? I decleer there is no bearing his 
 inattention. I defired him to meet me here at 
 this time precifely ; 'pon my honour I muft no 
 longer neglect vifiting Mr. Froft and the 
 leedies. 
 
 Murtgch finging without. 
 
 " We Irijhmen both high and low, we are both neat and 
 
 handy, 
 " The ladies, every where we go, allows we are the dandy ; 
 " To be fur e we are, and indeed we are.'* 
 
 Enters. 
 
 Coll. Indeed I'll break your thick head, if you 
 don't hold your tongue, and //// me did you find 
 the piece, and bring me the money ? 
 
 Murt. Well, well ; I will, Sir The a och, 
 Sir, I wifh we were at home again This is the 
 divil of a place. 
 
 Coll. I fay, firrah, have you found the bankers? 
 
 Murt. No, in troth, Sir. 
 
 Coll. No ! pray thin, w here's the chick I gave 
 you ? 
 
 Murt. Where ! why fure, Sir, you did not 
 bid me keep it ? 
 
 Coll. I bid you give it to the banker, and bring 
 the money; where is it? 
 
 Murt. Why, I'll tell you, Sir The truth is, 
 I did not give him the check Nor the divil a 
 farthing he gave me for I did'nt fee him at all, 
 at all. 
 
 Coll. Was there iver fuch a provoking fcoun- 
 drel ? Tell me this momenr, where, and what 
 you have been about ? 
 
 6 Murt.
 
 A F A R C E. 9 
 
 Mart. Och ! faith ! and I have been tumbled 
 about bravely; for the people here walk the 
 ftreets as if they coudn't fee for one parfon gave 
 me a drive on one fide, and when I only turned to 
 ax him what he done that for, another gave me a 
 fhoulder with his elbow on the t'other fide So, 
 upon my foul, Sir, I was going backward every 
 flep I went forward But at laft, I faw a crowd 
 flaring up, {o myfelf ax'd decently what was the 
 matter Hop, and luck up, fays the man, and 
 you'll fee : myfelf did fo, and there was too black 
 pictures of men, with fhillelys in their fids, 
 thumping at one another, becaufe the clock was 
 firiking When it had done, they had done, 
 and I was done, for I found they picked my pocket 
 of the chick that I held fall in my hand, and every 
 thing I had in the world; and the hat off my head 
 into the bargain. 
 
 Coll. The rafcal has been gaping about, inftid 
 of minding his bufinefs I will molt certainly 
 fend you home, Dill. 
 
 Murt. Och ! worrow do, Sir, fend me home ; 
 but mind, I won't go to/ea, I got enough of that; 
 if once I get to fweet Balinrobe, the divil burn 
 me if ever I vvifii to fee foreign parts again, or 
 any, but our netrel parts at home to be fure, 
 it is the fweeteft little place in the world, Ireland 
 is. 
 
 Coll. Why, you fcoundrel,doyou want to bring 
 a mob about us? hold your tongue about Ireland, 
 I fay Go wait at home for me, and don't be ex- 
 pofing 
 
 Murt. Kxpofing to talk of Ireland ! Faith, 
 
 Sir, begging your pardon, I think a man does 
 
 not defarve to belong to any country, that's 
 
 afhamed to own it. [Exeunt. 
 
 B " Enter
 
 !o THE IRISHMAN IN LONDONj 
 
 " Enter Seymour. 
 
 <f Seym. I have difpatch'd Edward with my 
 letter, and fhall be -all anxiety till he returns 
 This, I fuppofe, is the gentleman from Mr. 
 Wilfon Sir, I entreat your pardon, I faw you 
 in converfation, fo prefumed to finiih a letter. 
 
 " Coll. Pray, Sir, meek no apologies, as we 
 are fhortly to be clofely connected They are 
 quite unneceflary. {Afide) Ton my honor he looks 
 very young for the lady's father j but perhaps he 
 is her brother, and that's the fame thing. 
 
 " Seym. Sir, I fincerely wifh every thing to be 
 amicably fettled. 
 
 " Coll. Amicably ? By my word, but there's 
 no fear of that When people are willing, you 
 -know it requires no time to make up their minds, 
 however awful the occafion may be. 
 
 " Seym, Awful indeed, Sir ! But I hoped the 
 whole affair might drop where it begun, and no 
 more be thought of it on either fide. 
 
 ct Coll. Drop, Sir 1 'pon my honour, with 
 my confent, it never /hall drop, at leaft I hope 
 we fhall not be fo far in the falhion, as to part 
 until one or other is dead. 
 
 " Seym. How pofitive gentlemen of. Ireland 
 are in cafes of this nature ! I can't fay, Sir, but 
 I am heartily concerned to fee you fo ftrenuous 
 in a bad caufe. 
 
 " Coll. A bad caufe ? Now I think it a very 
 good caufe and one I'll not eafily relinquifh ; 
 for, tho' I don't know I have any violent affec- 
 tion for the object, yet I can't fubmit to fuch an 
 impofnion on my understanding. 
 
 " Seym, Well, Sir, fmce this is your deter- 
 mination, pleafe to mention your time and 
 place. 
 
 " Coll,
 
 A F A R C E. n 
 
 ct Coll. Thar, Sir, (hall be folely as you pleafe. 
 
 " Seym, What if we refer it to the principals 
 to fettle. 
 
 *' Coll. With all my heart; becaufe, as I am 
 one, 1 know my own refolution, and 1 hope the 
 Lady knows her's. 
 
 <c Seym. The Lady, Sir? What Lady? 
 
 " Coll. Why the Lady we're talking about, 
 and that I'm going to be married to. 
 
 " Seym. Sir, I beg pardon; but we are in a 
 ftrange error. Pray, did not you come here as 
 fecond in an affair of honour between two gentle- 
 men ? 
 
 '* Coll. Ton my foul, Sir, I did not; I came 
 as firft in an affair of honour between a Lady and 
 myfelf; I was inquiring for her father, who lives 
 fomewhere in this neighbourhood. I hope, Sir, 
 you'll excufe this miftake. 
 
 " Seym. Sir, 'twas a mutual error, therefore 
 apologies are ufelefs It's probable fome half- 
 witted genius has led us into this blunder Sir, 
 your obedient. [Exit. 
 
 " Coll. Sir,yourhumblefervant Imuftreturn 
 to my apartment for the addrefs of my intended 
 Father-in-law ! Oh, I wilh the jackanapes that 
 caufed this confufion between myfelf and that gen- 
 tleman, was within the reach of my keen, I'd larn 
 him that the greateft blunder an lrifhman could 
 commit, would be to neglect chailizing the im- 
 partinent puppy that offends him. [Exit." 
 
 B i
 
 T2 THE IRISHMAN IN LONDON; 
 
 * 
 
 SCENE 11.^ Chamber. 
 Caroline, Louisa, and Cubba, difcovered. 
 
 Lout/a. Well, Caroline, I vow you are almoft 
 ridiculous fretting to fuch a degree about a 
 man, that, in all human probability, has been 
 in love with twenty women fince you parted, and 
 may be happily married for aught you know. 
 
 Car. No, no; my Seymour is too honorable 
 So true and faithful is he, that a blifter wou'd 
 appear on his lips fhou'd falfehood touch 'em. 
 
 Louifa. Very pathetic indeed! But for all his 
 truth and tender lips, many a good fib has he 
 fwallowed in his life, that was in no danger of 
 choaking him. Nay, no tears, you know how 
 fincerely I feel for you. 
 
 Car. Oh, Louifa! where is the foul that can 
 conceive my fufferings? The fun that cheers the 
 whole creation, affords no comfort to the un- 
 fortunate Caroline. 
 
 Louifa. Compare your fituation with mine, 
 and your fufferings muft feem light Deprived at 
 an early age of my parents, and the fmall property 
 left me, how wretched fhould I have been but 
 for your friendfhip, that procured your father's 
 bounty for an unfortunate orphan, whole thank- 
 ful heart will cherifh an impreffion of gratitude 
 while iife remains. 
 
 Cubba. MilTa, you frettee fo, you make a de 
 rain come in poor Cubba yies. 
 
 Louifa. Oh dear ! 1 wifh with all my heart 
 Seymour wou'd come and run away with you 
 We lead a mod painful life, for if your father 
 fufFers us to go into the Park, we are obliged to 
 walk ftately and look directly before us a like a 
 
 pair
 
 A FARCE. 
 
 *3 
 
 pair of coach-horfes newly harnefs'd for a (late 
 day ; yet, tho' I rally you, I can't bear the 
 thoughts of your having this young Irifhman, 
 whom you have never feen, and perhaps can 
 never like; and, indeed, he may not like you; 
 but to pleafe two old fools, you reluctantly take 
 each other for better for worfe when you'd 
 rather let it alone. 
 
 Car. Take him ! Never. Were he the moft 
 accomplished of men, I cou'd be infpired with 
 no fentiment but pity for him. 
 
 Cubba. Miflee, you pity great man? he no 
 good Me pity poor black, he no do good run 
 away he get whip and chain Why every body 
 no be happv like me? 
 
 Louifa. You only fay fo, Cubba You are 
 not hippy rYou don't love your miftreis. 
 
 Cubba. Dreree me, my mout no big enough 
 for me fay how much me love my Miflfa. 
 
 Louifa. Honeit cieature ! What a pity it is all 
 your country a'n't as good as you. 
 
 Cubba. Good, bad, all colours Bochro read 
 great big book, tell him how he can be good 
 for all dar, fome do very bad Poor black no 
 underftand read How they know good from bad, 
 when them Mafia no (hew them good zample ? 
 
 Louifa. But, Cubba, what will you do when 
 your miftrefs marries Mr. Colloony and goes to 
 Ireland ? 
 
 Cubba. Me go too Me leave my country 
 and friend for lake of my Miflfa Mc follow her 
 ail the world over Miila be every ting to poor 
 Cubba. 
 
 Car. How can you, Louifa, mention fuch a 
 circumllance, even in jett, when you know my 
 (entiments ? 
 
 Louifa,
 
 i + THE IRISHMAN IN LONDON; 
 
 Lout/a. Perhaps your fentiments and mine may 
 be fo congenial, that the old gentleman's fchemes 
 may be defeated, and you be happy with your 
 Seymour-, for however he may rove, a good 
 foldier will always return to his head-quarters. 
 
 Enter Frost. 
 
 Froft. Come, cheer up, Liny Your lover 
 certainly will be here co-day The knot (hall be 
 tied to-morrow. 
 
 Car. Dear Sir, don't expofe your Caroline to 
 the mifery of refufing, when nature powerfully 
 informs her, 'tis her duty to obey you Indeed, 
 indeed, I never can love this Mr. Colloony. 
 
 Froft. How do you know ? You have never 
 feen him Why, he is young, handfome, rich 
 
 Car. Mention not his qualifications, Sir, for 
 my heart is engaged. 
 
 Froft. Yes, and my word is engaged The 
 young fellow coming all the way from Ireland on 
 purpofe A fine fettlement made on you Is not 
 that better than ftarving with your Seymour? 
 
 Car. Poverty with him, Sir, is preferable to a 
 palace without him He loves me. 
 
 Froft. You're miftaken, its my money he 
 loves but he'll never touch a milling of it, that 
 I am refolved. 
 
 Car. I don't know what your refolution may 
 be, but mine is unalterably fix'd Dear Sir, I 
 have only to entreat you will give up the idea of 
 plunging me in wretchednefs Remember that 
 you're a father, Sir, and that indulgence fhou'd 
 ever unite with that name. [Exit. 
 
 Cubba. Ah ! poor Miflee, fhe be fo good 
 Still (he cry great deal Bochro do wrong, laugh 
 
 and
 
 A FARCE. 15 
 
 and be happy-~nobody ought to be merry when 
 Mifiee frettee. [Exit. 
 
 Frojl. Ay, follow her, you you whenever 
 I am vext, or in trouble, that angel of darknefs 
 is fure to come in my way I tell her every hour 
 that fhe is in a blefied land of liberty, that file's 
 her own miftrefs, .free as air, in hopes I (hall get 
 rid of her ; but (he won't ftir no, fhe flicks like 
 birdlime Then, that curft Cymon comes with 
 his fimilies There was neighbour Di'ggins rob- 
 bed 1 aft night, by miftakej for I'm fure 'twas 
 my houfe they meant to attack. Oh dear ! Oh. 
 dear ! I fhall have my throat cut ! They'll be 
 with me to night- Was there ever fuch a little, 
 wretched, unfortunate old man ! 
 
 Lout/a. La, Sir, you frighten yourfelf with 
 (hadows Why mould the thieves mean to rob 
 you ? 
 
 Frojl. I know they did I know it I am mi- 
 fera No, no, I am happy you make me hap- 
 
 Py y ou are ro me > a a a f un without a fpoc 
 a heaven without a cloud ! 
 
 Loici/a. This is a change indeed ! You were 
 but this moment declaring you were a wretched, 
 unfortunate, little old man. 
 
 Frojl. No, I am not old Fifty or fo, no age 
 for a man Liny diftrac~ls me fo, I am deter- 
 mined to marry. I may live thefe forty years. 
 
 Louifa. A pretty profpect that, for your poor 
 wife that is to bt [ajide). 
 
 Frojl. And if you would take compafTion on 
 me, and do yourfelt jufhce 
 
 Louifa. Oh, Sir ! if I take compafTion on you, 
 I hope you'll do me juftice ! 
 
 frrojl. That I will You know in the Weft 
 Indies I adminiftered juftice I was there ajut- 
 tice of peace. 
 
 Louifa.
 
 16 THE IRISHMAN IN LONDON; 
 
 Lout/a. Yes; but not juft now. 
 
 Froft. Oh ! no, not in office But the fettle- 
 merit you fhall have, can be equalled by nothing 
 but my love I do love you beyond 
 
 Louifa. Don't fay fo, you wifh to deceive me ; 
 a true lover would hang or drown himfelf, break 
 his neck, poifon, or ftab himfelf in a fit of de- 
 fpair j would you do any of thefe ? 
 
 Froft. Eh! if you'll marry me perhapslmayjwho 
 knows what good things Time may bring about ? 
 
 Louifa. Ah ! there's little good to be expected 
 from him I never knew the old gentleman with 
 his fcythe and his glafs bring any thing but grey 
 hairs, thin cheeks, wrinkles, and lofs of teeth. 
 
 Froft. That's true; and you don't know what 
 a terrible thing it is to be an old maid. 
 
 Louifa. No nor I hopelnever fhall. (Knock.) 
 . Froft. Haik! there's fomebody coming 
 Will youpromifeme an interview ? Ihavefome- 
 thing very particular to fay to you-r-We'll be 
 quite private Nay, do now, now 
 
 Louifa. Well, Sir, you may expect me. 
 
 Froft. Oh, my charmer ! I'm diftracted 
 Oh! (Jkijfes her hand) adieu ? 
 
 Louifa. Adieu ! I'm muchmifraken, if I don't 
 cure the gentleman of his love fits, before I have 
 done with him. [Exit. 
 
 Froft. Oh ! fhe loves me, it's too plain I 
 have long fufpected it. What a very engaging, 
 agreeable, nice, handfome, little fellow I muft be, 
 to captivate fo fweet a girl. 
 
 Enter Cymon. 
 
 What do you want ? Who was that knocked 
 at the door? 
 
 Cymon. A man, Sir , he gave me this as nimble 
 as a fencing-mafter, and ttepped away like a 
 dancing- mailer. 
 
 5 Froft.
 
 A FARCE. 
 
 *7 
 
 Froji, Oh curfe your fimilies ! Let me fee, 
 from Mr. Colloony That's delightful ! {reads) 
 <f Sir, my anxiety to take you by the hand, can 
 " only be equalled by my pafiionate defire to fee 
 your amiable daughter, and with the fpeedy 
 " affiftance of Hymen, (hall glory in the liberty 
 " of being herfhve The earlieft moment pof- 
 cf fible I hope to make acceptable to Mr. 
 Froft the devoirs of his truly devoted and 
 " mod afiured humble fervanr, William Pa- 
 " trick O'Brien Colloony." Oh ! he's a fine 
 ardent lover ! They fhall be married to-morrow 
 morning D'ye hear, Cymon ? take care every 
 thing is ready for the reception of your new maf- 
 ter. How does my purchafe come on, the 
 coach-horfes ? 
 
 Cymon. Troth, Sir, bad enough They are 
 only fit for the crows. One of them, the forrel 
 horfe, puts me woundily in mind of a lawyer. 
 
 Froft. A lawyer! How now, how can that be? 
 
 Cymon. Why, Sir, he is well paid for every 
 journey he goes ; and the other is downright 
 game, for he'd fooner die than run. 
 
 Froji. Have done, Sir, or I'll brain you 
 This fellow makes me as melancholy 
 
 Cymon. As an owl at noon-day Now, your 
 honour, I'm as merry as a moufe at midnight. 
 
 Froft. That's always the cafe I am never out 
 of humour, but you are as pleafed as 
 
 Cymon, As a peafant with a plumb-cake at 
 Chriftmas, or an old lady on her wedding-day. 
 
 Froft. Will any body take this fellow from me? 
 I'll change your tune j I'll make you as forrowful 
 as 
 
 Cymon. As a young bride with an old hufband. 
 
 Froft. Oh ! you damn'd dog, where did you 
 get that ? That's the worft of all : {knock) go to 
 the door, I fay. 
 
 C Cymon,
 
 1 8 THE IRISHMAN IN LONDON; 
 
 Cymon. Yes, Sir I think I am as whimfical 
 to-day as a merry Andrew's coat. [Exit. 
 
 Frofi. That fellow's as bad to me as the gout 
 I can find no cure for him. 
 
 Enter Cymon. 
 
 Cymon* Sir, Sir here's a grand gentleman 
 dreffed like a peacock, and talks like a magpie. 
 
 Frofi. Was there ever fuch an affronting 
 fcoundrel ! (hew him in. (Exit Cymon.) It muft 
 be Mr. Colloony I fay, Cubba, fend your mif- 
 trefs to me immediately Oh dear, this is lucky. 
 
 Enter Caroline. 
 Car. Did you fend for me, Sir ? 
 Froji. Yes, yesj here's Mr. Colloony it can 
 be nobody elfe. 
 
 Enter Edward drejfed in a tawdry manner. 
 
 Sir, I rejoice to fee you how do you? fo is my 
 daughter, indeed, Sir, though (he fays nothing 
 Why the devil don't you fpeak ? 
 
 Car. Sir, I I 
 
 Edward. I have got into the houfe at all events, 
 and muft truft to impudence for the reft (afide). 
 
 Frofi. Liny, my love, nay, now, do oblige your 
 poor father Sir, (he's exceffively fond of you ; 
 but Ihe naturally expects you to fpeak firft. 
 
 Edward. Certainly, my dear Sir Fond of me! 
 Oh, ho! then I muft be in love Here goes 
 (afide) Oh, Madam ! you're fuch a beauty, fo 
 full of charms, fo all over engaging, fuch a fhape, 
 fuch a hand, fuch fymmetry, fuch eyes, fuch lips, 
 fuch fmiles, fuch frowns, fuch love, fuch Oh ! 
 I'm quite'out of breath. 
 
 Frofi. Wdl,dam'me, but he'sa comical fellow ! 
 How he has gallop'd over the poor girl ! I don't 
 
 think
 
 A F A R C E. 19 
 
 think he has much of the brogue But, Sir, I 
 fay, my 
 
 Edward. Then, her foot, Sir do but look at 
 her foot, Sir A foot proportioned to the body 
 the body fuited to the face, the face fuited to the 
 foul, the foul to the heart, the heart to the mind, 
 the mind to as my friend Hamlet fays, in his 
 device to the Aftors, " the aclion to the word*" 
 and then fhe has fo much Oh dear, oh dear, I 
 can go no farther Now to try to give her the 
 letter (a/ide). 
 
 Froji. How his tongue does run ! I am afraid 
 Liny will never have him, he's fuch a fool. But, 
 Sir, you confound her with your compliments. 
 
 Edward. You wrong me, Sirj I can't flatter 
 I truly love, I adore, I live for you I I can't 
 find the letter (qjtde). Oh, Madam ! fay that 
 you'll marry me, or I fhall curfe my ftars, go 
 mad, and die ! 
 
 Froji. Die and be damn'd, for you're the 
 ftrangeft fifti I ever met. Sir, I'll fpeak to my 
 daughter, and if 
 
 Edward. Oh ! that //"has driven me to defpair, 
 for (afide) I have loft the letter My peace of 
 mind is dam'me, but it's gone ! (afide.) It has 
 undone my quiet, ruined me, blafted all my 
 hopes Farewell, board-wages, laced liveries, all 
 joy, peace, and happinefs ! Oh ! 
 
 Froji. Sir, I'll withdraw a little to order fome 
 refrefhment, and 
 
 Car. DearSir, don't leave me with thiswretch, 
 this fool ! 
 
 Froji. Don't abufe him, Liny ; 'tis your charms 
 
 have made him a little flighty I wifh they had 
 
 C 2 cut
 
 # 
 
 io THE IRISHMAN IN LONDON; 
 
 cut his wings before they had let him away, for 
 he's the wildeft Irifhman 1 ever faw. [Exit, 
 
 Car. Sir, I fay 
 
 Edward. Stop, Madam, for Heaven's fake ! 
 I am Edward ; my mafter, Captain Seymour, is 
 in town. 
 
 Car. Ha ! can it be ? My Seymour in Eng- 
 land ! 
 
 Edward. Yes, Ma'am, and has fent you 
 
 (Jearching for letter). 
 
 Enter Frost. 
 
 Froji. I don't like leaving my child with this 
 wild Irifhman. Eh! Egad they feem very quiet 
 I'll Men. 
 
 Edward. Dear, dear, I have certainly left it 
 in my other clothes But the circumftance is 
 this, Ma'am My mafter, this morning, faw your 
 father, and on finding you were in town, wrote 
 a letter, which I undertook to deliver to you. 
 
 [Mr. Frost comesbetween them,pufhes Caroline 
 off Edward continues tellingher of the letter."] 
 But I have unfortunately miflaid it I can ai- 
 fure you he loves you as much as ever, and if 
 you wou'd but write a few lines, to fay that you 
 love him, he'll run away with you, in fpite of 
 thatciuel curmudgeon your father, and (turn- 
 ing about meets Mr. Froft /<?<:<? to face) Oh ! mur- 
 der ! 
 
 Fjrofi. Thieves ! Cymon ! Thieves ! Knock 
 him down. 
 
 Edward. Yes, Sir (knocks Cymon down as he 
 enters, and exit). 
 
 Froji.
 
 A FARCE, 21 
 
 Frojt. Oh ! Murder ! Thieves ! Cymon ! 
 Where are you ? 
 
 Cymon, Here, Sir ; as flat as a flounder. 
 
 Froft. My poor fellow ! Go {hut the door, 
 and be fure to bolt, lock, and chain it But fee 
 that impoftor out of my houfe. 
 
 Cymon. Yes, Sir I'll fee every thing as fafe 
 as a guinea in a mifer's purfe. 
 
 Froft. Oh ! curfe your fimilies ! I muft go 
 myfelf and fee every thing fecure. \Exeunt. 
 
 END OF THE FIRST ACT.
 
 2* THE IRISHMAN IN LONDONj 
 
 ACT II. 
 SCENE I. 
 
 Enter Louisa and Caroline. 
 
 Car, '"THANK Heaven ! I know my Seymour 
 is in England I have heard enough to 
 convince me he ftill loves me; and conftancy's 
 the only proof of true affection I hope he may 
 devife fome means to free me. 
 
 Louifa. If he did not, I am fure he fhould not 
 have me. A foldier ! and in love ! and to be 
 afraid of fuch a little old fellow as your father ! 
 
 Enter Cymon in hafte. 
 
 Cym. Ma'am, he's come; Mr.Colloony; Lord, 
 I am as much out of breath as a trumpeter. 
 Froji {without). Walk in walk in, Sir. 
 
 Enters with Col loony. 
 
 I .am overjoyed to fee you Walk in, Sir, walk 
 in, Ladies Ladies, this is Mr. Colloony ; Sir, 
 my daughter and her friend Mifs Bellmont. 
 
 Coll. Ladies, your mod obedient (Jalutestbem). 
 This warm and kind reception is truly flattering, 
 and imprefles me ftrongly with the idea of my 
 future bappinefs. 
 
 Froft.
 
 A F A R C E. 23 
 
 Froft. Oh! I'm fure you'll be very happy 
 There's a hufband for you, Liny ! Is he to be 
 compared to your captain ? 
 
 Car. No, indeed, Sir, I don't think he is 
 
 Frpft. That's a good girl Well, Sir You 
 fhall be married this morning Oh dear And 
 how is my old friend, your worthy father, and 
 all your family? What fort of a pafiage had 
 you ? I fuppofe you were very much fatigued 
 after your journey ? Will you have fome refrefti* 
 ment ? Oh ! I'm fo happy, come tell me all. 
 
 Coll. All! Upon my honour, he afks all, and 
 will hear nothing Sir, I left my father and all 
 the family very well, as his letters will acquaint 
 you I fay, Dill ! bring up that parcel, Dill. 
 
 Enter M-urtoch, with a Portmanteau. 
 
 Murt. Here, Sir, here; Arrah, Maifter Pat, 
 don't be calling me Dill, myfelf can't bear it, it's 
 making fo little ot one. My name, Ladies, faving 
 your prefence, is Murtocb Delany, and tho' 
 Maifter Pat's my Maifter, I don't know who the 
 devil made him my god-mother. 
 
 Coll. Getaway, firrah! Sir, you will find by 
 thefe peepers the liberality of my father He 
 gives me his whole eftate while he lives, and 
 makes me heir to all the reft when he dies. 
 
 Murt. Oh, the devil burn the blade of grafs, 
 horfe, cow, fervant, or any other fixture wpon 
 the eftate, even to the value of a fucking pig, 
 but will be all his own. 
 
 Froft . Oh! I'm too happy; you mail be united 
 diredly. 
 
 Coll. I fhould think myfelf unworthy, indeed, 
 if words cou'd exprefs how much I feel indebted 
 to your goodnels, before 1 had the felicity of 
 
 feeinsj
 
 4 THE IRISHMAN IN LONDON; 
 
 feeing the lady; I could think of nothing elfe; 
 and fuch an effect had the defcription of her on 
 my mind, I decleer I could not deep a wink for 
 dreeming of her. 
 
 Frofi. Here, here's all the fettlement; I am 
 fo overjoyed I fcarcely know what I fay or do; 
 but you did not tell me what fort of a paffage 
 you had. 
 
 Coll. Why, Sir, they faid it was a good one, 
 but I was fick of it. 
 
 Murt, Sick ! Arrah, Ladies, we were kilt, my- 
 felf was quite dead, I was all a I called to the 
 captain toftop; flop and put me out, fays I ; non- 
 fince, man, fays he; if I put you out, it will be in 
 the water, and then you'll go to Davy Jones. Oh 
 thank'e, Lourfee, fays I, it's time enough for me 
 to go and live with that gentleman when I am 
 dead in earned. 
 
 Louifa. Then you are not fond of the fea, 
 Mr. Colloony. 
 
 Coll. No, indeed, Ma'am , if they'd give me 
 the fined eftate upon earth, I could not live in 
 it with any enjoyment on board a (hip. 
 
 Frofi. But come, are not the towns, through 
 which you came, worthy of obfervation? 
 
 Coll. Certainly, Sir; your manufactories are fo 
 aftonimingly greet, they prove at once the won- 
 derful induftry and wealth of your nation. 
 
 Murt. Ax your pardon, Ladies; I'll tell you: I 
 could fee three times as much as Maifter Pat, for 
 I flept all the way on the outfide of the coach, and 
 the devil a manufactory I faw equal to our own. 
 Och ! if you could only look at the oyfter-beds 
 in Poolbeg, the Foundling or the Lying-in-Hof- 
 pital at Dublin, they are the right fort of manu- 
 factories. 
 
 All.
 
 A FARCE. 
 
 25 
 
 All. Ha, ha, ha! 
 
 Murt. Faith you may laugh, but I am fure 
 there can't be better manufaftrys in the world, 
 than thofe that provides comfortable lodgings, 
 and every other fort of bread and meat, for poor 
 craters that can't provide for themfelves. 
 
 Coll. Hold your preeting, firrah ; Leedies, I 
 hope you'll excufe him. 
 
 Frojl. They are getting into converfation ; I'll 
 try to keep them engaged j but, Mr. Collcony, do 
 now favour us with your opinion of our country, 
 and an account of your journey. 
 
 Coll. 'Twas a very pleafani journey ; travelling 
 here is much better than in Ireland. 
 
 Murt. (ajide). Oh, murther, murther ! 
 
 Coll. The roads are fo very excellent, the inns 
 fo large, and the mile-ftones fo regular 
 
 Murt. Och ! Maifter Pat, don't be running 
 down our country; myfelf can't bear it; you 
 know the roads are a thoufand times better in Ire- 
 land; Ladies, the miles there aie three times as 
 long as they are here; and then the devil a half 
 mile can you go, but there's a beautiful wooden 
 mile-ftone; I'm fure from the time we left the 
 hill of Houth, till we got to that fpalpeen place 
 they call Holyhead, the devil a bit of land I faw 
 but what was all covered over wiih water : pretty 
 travelling indeed ! 
 
 Coll. Begone you fcoundrel ; leave the room, 
 I fay. 
 
 Murt. Sir ? 
 
 Coll. Leave the room, I fay, Sir. 
 
 Murt. Leave the room, you fay, Sir? Oh, 
 mighty well ; there's more o'the yarn ! bad tra- 
 velling! I'll fay nothing before the company, but 
 
 D if
 
 2 6 THE IRISHMAN IN LONDONj ' 
 
 if ever I forgive this Ladies, your mod 
 
 engaging converfation (goes off muttering) I ne- 
 ver can forgive this. \Exitfinging. 
 
 Froft. Your father, in this letter, feems par- 
 ticularly anxious that the marriage ceremony 
 fhould be performed as foon as poffible ; now I'm 
 defirous it mould be fo too ; what do you fay, Sir ? 
 
 Coll. What do I fay, Sir? why I fay, afk the 
 Lady ; I deem it the happieft moment of my life ! 
 He muft be' covetous indeed, that could form a 
 wifh beyond what is here to be found {bowing to 
 Louifa'). 
 
 Froft, Liny, thank him Isn't he an elegant 
 polite well bred man? A'n't you furprifed and 
 rejoiced The licence is ready I'll go to the 
 parfon ; it muft be done before twelve; we have 
 but an hour and an half. 
 
 Coll. I am forced to tear myfelf away But 
 rely on my punctuality, twelve. In that par- 
 ticular we have the advantage in Ireland. The 
 moment Cupid's arrow pierces, Hymen's torch is 
 in a blaze, and the reverend Gentleman, at any 
 hour, leads confenting hearts to the temple of 
 blifs The ceremony over, Ceres prefides, Mo- 
 mus attends, and Bacchus crowns the feaft, while 
 the reigning toaft is, " May the nuptial bower 
 be ever adorned with rofes, and the prefent 
 couple be as happy as the greateft and bed pair 
 in Europe." [Exeunt with Froft. 
 
 Louifa. Caroline, how coijld you treat Mr. 
 Colloony in fuch a manner? you fcarce looked 
 at him. Are not you on the very brink of ma- 
 trimony? To difappoint him now, what would 
 the world fay ? 
 
 Car.
 
 A FARCE. 
 
 27 
 
 Car. Yet difappointed hejhall be, and I am 
 in no dread of what people may fay The truly 
 virtuous mind makes itfelf judge, and, fatisfied 
 within, fmiles at that common enemy, the world. 
 
 Enter Frost. 
 
 Frofi. Come, girls, prepare; Louifa, you fliall 
 go to You fhall be bride's maid. Had'nt you 
 rather be a bride ? 
 
 Louifa. Why, Sir, I can't fay I fhould have 
 any objection. 
 
 Frofi. Oh, charming ! you make me young 
 again Egad I begin to think Oh dear go 
 and prepare, for Mr. Colloony will return di- 
 rectly. {Exit Louifa.) Oh the lovely fweet 
 
 Enter Edward Jinging. 
 
 Frofi. Well, Sir, what do you want ? 
 
 Edward. Sir, I a beg pardon, Sir, I believe 
 I am come to the wrong houfe 
 
 Froji. Then pray, Sir, go to the right houfe. 
 
 Edward. Yes, Sir. [Exit finging. 
 
 Frofi. Do, Sir. Cymon, who is that fellow ? 
 He had but an ill look, methought Shut the 
 door there Now Liny, my love, be a good girl ; 
 I'm fo pleafed, that I fhall give you an additional 
 hundred pounds, for you to 
 
 Enter Edward. 
 
 He here again ! I thought you were gone to the 
 right houle ? 
 
 Edward. This is it, Sir. Pray did not a gentle- 
 man of the name of Colloony 1 got that from 
 the Iriih fervant (#/&&) go out of this houfe a 
 little time ago ? 
 
 D 2 Frofi,
 
 28 THE IRISHMAN IN LONDONj 
 
 Froft. Yes, Sir i but if you want him, he'll be 
 back directly. 
 
 Edward. No, Sir, he will not A. fad acci- 
 dent has happened to him. 
 
 Frojt. Mercy on me ! I hope not. 
 
 Eaward. Truth indeed, Sir I'll tell you the 
 particulars At the corner of the next ftreet a 
 gentleman attacked him Sir, fays he, you are 
 a villain, then drew his fword, and pufhed vio- 
 lently at h-m thus, Sir, thus Madam thus, 
 (pujhes the letter over Froft'j Jhoulder, which Jhe 
 does not notice) Oh, the blind creature ! 
 
 Froji. Dear me, how unlucky ! I wifh he was 
 return'd, I hope he is not hurt. 
 
 Edward, Ke is, Sir; yes, he is It's rather an 
 odd place. 
 
 Froft. Where, where ? Is it in a mortal part ? 
 
 Edward. It's in the back, Sir In the back, 
 Ma'am, in the back Dam'me but (he'll die a 
 maid. (He turns his back to her, and the letter is, 
 faflened to it j Jhe takes no notice of it.) And fo 
 Captain Seymour, Ma'am 
 
 Froft. Oh 1 that curft captain ! 
 
 Car. Captain ! What was it my ? 
 
 Froft. No, no, it was not. 
 
 Edward. Yes, yes, Ma'am, it was- a- 
 
 Froft (flopping his mouth). No, no, fhe mud 
 not know he is fo near her. I don't think, at 
 leaft, J hope it was not Mr. Colloony. 
 
 Edward. Yes, it was, Sir. 
 
 Froft. Why, how was the gentleman drefs'd ? 
 
 Edward. Why, Sir, he had a fcarlet coat on, 
 a riding-habit, Sir, he was in boots, and had a 
 cockade in his hat (fixes the letter over the cock- 
 ade and pujhes it towards her, which Jhe takes). 
 
 Froft. And how is Mr. Colloony ? tell me. 
 
 Edward.
 
 A F A R C E. 29 
 
 Edward, Why, Sir, as foon as Captain Sey- 
 mour faw the blood trickle from his antagonift, 
 he jump'd to him, took him in his arms, 
 thus, and carried him to Dr. Julep's this 
 way. 
 
 Car. Blefifed contrivance, 'tis from my Henry; 
 but how to fend an anfwer ? If I go to my room, 
 Edward may be gone before I can write What 
 fhall I do ? Invention afiift me {writes with her 
 pencil on the letter). 
 
 Frofl. But what did the Doctor fay ? Did he 
 think him in danger ? 
 
 Edward. W'iy, Sir, we hope not He probed 
 the wound, and after muttering a great many 
 gallipot phrafes, that none but the brethren of 
 the pill-box underftand, he pronounced him our. 
 of danger, and ordered him to be put to bed, his 
 ftomach to be fomented with aa bafon of 
 foup, and 
 
 Car. If this does but fucceed {aftde) Sir, 
 Sir, this fellow's an impoftor I'll let my 
 honoured father know your villany Sir, while 
 you were lift'ning to his ftory, he forced this 
 letter into my hand ; but to fhew how I regard 
 the writer, there take his impertinent fcrawl 
 back again {throws it on the ground). 
 
 Edward. The art of man won't prevent her 
 being an old maid. Ma'am 
 
 Frojl. Oh, you damn'd dog ; let me fee it, my 
 dear We'll throw it into the fire, and this fel- 
 low out of the window. 
 
 Car. No, Sir, I cannot wifh him a greater 
 punifhment than to return his letter juft in that 
 manner. 
 
 Edward*
 
 3 o THE IRISHMAN IN LONDON; 
 
 Edward. Here's uftge for my poor matter 
 but, Ma'am, is there nothing for or by way of 
 a 
 
 Froft. Oh, vou want fomething, do you ? I'll 
 pay you ; there's wood upon wood Come along, 
 Liny, and if ever I catch you in this houfe again, 
 I'll leave you no more brains than a fiddler. 
 
 [Exeunt. 
 
 Enter Murtoch (finging). 
 
 OcJj whifkey, it's you that's my darlings 
 It's you that heps me on my feet ', 
 
 And often you caufe me tojiagger^ 
 Whenever we chance for to meet. 
 
 Maifter Pat, I'm come to defire that you 
 will a Oh, he's gone! It's well for him I 
 was juft going to difcharge him he vexes me 
 fo when he fpeaks congrumfhoufly about the 
 fod I won't, for I can't bear it I have 
 made Cymon blind drunk in love with Ireland 
 I was telling him all about it, and he fupp'd up 
 my intelligence like a gentleman ; to be fure he 
 mixt it a little, for he emptied the bed part of 
 two bottles of port, that Mifs gave to make 
 much of me, and there he lies ftretched on the 
 floor, fnoring as quiet as a flone in a wall. I'm 
 quite up I'm almoft corn'd, faith, with lucking 
 at him drinking it. To be fure I'm not the 
 naaty 1 wifli I had fomething to do that fome - 
 body would affront me, or a fine young lady 
 fall in love with me or any divarting accident 
 of that nater. 
 
 Enter Cubba. 
 
 Cubba, You want fpeak a wi me ? 
 
 Murt.
 
 A FARCE. 
 
 3* 
 
 Murt. Och hone, what's this ? Sure the crater 
 wou'dn't be in love with me She is, (lie is ! 
 And 1 am forry for her but (he can't help it 
 Honey it won't do Now don't think of it- a 
 vurneen. 
 
 Cubba. Me no underftand you. 
 Murt. She does not underftand ;ne "What a 
 misfortune it is to want laming 1 your fchool- 
 miftrefs had been a gentleman, ilie'd teach you 
 the manners to fay you did, whether or not. I'll 
 larn you to fpake good Englifh when my matter 
 marries your young lady. 
 
 Cubba. Me hope me not live til den Me fure 
 Mifiee break her heart, and me rader die den 
 fee it. 
 
 Murt. Oh faith, if you die, you won't fee it to 
 be fure May be you'll hear of it and that will 
 be the fame thing 'Mifs A troth I forget your 
 name. 
 
 Cubba. Me name Cubba, <c me only fo many 
 year old {holding up her fingers) when crofs 
 Bochro man catch me me going walk one day, 
 did take me from all my friend me fhall never 
 fee dem again But Mifiee fo good fince (he buy 
 me, me no wifh to go back, though" my fader 
 great King. 
 
 Murt. Pooh, pooh, be afy, Mifs Cubbagh ! 
 That's being too agreeable Your father a 
 King? 
 
 Cubba. Ifs. 
 
 Murt. Oh ! it's King of the Morice-dancers 
 (lie manes ; ay, ay, that fellow had a black face 
 I faw him yetlerday. 
 
 Cubba. No, no; him live at de Gold Coaft. 
 Murt. Where ? 
 
 Cubba. At deGold-Coaft Now nobody here, 
 
 you
 
 32 THE IRISHMAN IN LONDON; 
 
 you fhut your eye, me tell you fomething dat 
 make my heart open in two. But you look fo 
 good You not be angry with Cubba. 
 
 Murt. Oh! thedevil an angry I'll be, I never 
 was angry with one of the fair fex in my life 
 There, honey, my eyes are (hut go on now 
 the devil a word I can hear. 
 
 Cubba. Me love a you dearly but me no want 
 you love me dat be very wrong Your face 
 white, me poor negro me only tell you make 
 me eafy, den me pray for you be happy. 
 
 Murt. I knew it 1 knew it Black, brown, 
 green, or yellow, I bother them all Oh,Murtoch ! 
 you murtherer of beauty What are you about 
 but the milk of companion rifes within me for 
 poor Cubbagh I wifh fhe was not footy Who 
 knows may be the journey will bleach her 
 Troth it's a (hame your miftrefs never found out 
 that fellow, that advertifes to whiten ladies hands 
 and faces, the limping Jew, he'd make you fair 
 as a daify. Och ! if you had even a bit of the 
 violent foap, honey. 
 
 Cubba, No matter, my colour, if me do 
 right Good black face be happier den bad 
 white. 
 
 Murt. Troth and I believe fhe may be the 
 daughter of a king, for fhe has the mind of a 
 prince If her face was but as white as her heart, 
 ihe'd be a wife for a pope. 
 
 Cubba. You tell a Syman fine ftory about your 
 country, me like to hear. 
 
 Murt. Och honey ! (he likes my hiftory, fhe 
 fweet crater, fhe's choaking with fenfe ; then you 
 fhall have it You know I left off at the Ex- 
 change the next is the Parliament Houfe, but 
 I fuppofe you heard of the chimneys fetting the 
 7 walls
 
 A FARCE. 
 
 33 
 
 walls afire and burning every (lick of them the 
 live pillars all run away, but the dead ones 
 flood there, as if they were determined to fupport 
 it as long as they liv'd I muft go to my mailer 
 immediately But I'll tell you all in a bit of a 
 Planxty. 
 
 Song, Murtoch. 
 
 If you'd travel the wide world all over, 
 
 And fail acrofs quite round the globe, 
 You mujl fet out on horfebackfrom Dover, 
 
 And fail unto fvueet Balinrobe. 
 'Tis there you'll fee Ireland fo famous, 
 
 That was built before Adam was breech' 'd, 
 Who liv'd in the reign of King Shamus, 
 
 E'er he was at the Boyne , over-reach' d. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 With my whack fal de ral, &c. &c. &c. 
 O, the Land of Shillelah for me. 
 
 There you'll fee Uljler, and Munfler, aud Leinfltr% 
 
 Connaught, and fweet Kilkenny likewife, 
 That city where fir/l, as a fpinfler, 
 
 I open' d thefe pair of black eyes. 
 In this town there is fire without fmoaking, 
 
 For a penny you'd buy fifty eggs, 
 Aud then there's fuch wit, without joking, 
 
 And rabbits without any legs. 
 
 With my whack, tffc. 
 
 There you' II fee my ancefiors glorious, 
 
 The fans of the brave O's and Mac's, 
 Who died whene'er they were viSforious, 
 
 And after that ne'er turn d their backs. 
 Our heads ere flout and full of valour, 
 
 Our hearts are wife and full of brains* 
 In love we ne'er blufh nor change colour, 
 
 And the ladies reward all our pains. 
 With my whack, l5c. 
 
 Saint
 
 34 THF IRISHMAN IN LONDON ; 
 
 Saint Patrick is JIM our protector, 
 
 He made us an ijland of faints , 
 Drove out fnakes and toads like an Heclor^ 
 
 And ne'er Jhut his eyes to complaints. 
 Then if you would live, and be frifky* 
 
 And never die when you're in bed t 
 Come to Ireland, and tipple the whijkey, 
 
 And drink ten years after you're dead. 
 
 With my whack fal de ral, &c. &c &c. 
 The Land of Shillelah for me* 
 
 SCENE A Street. 
 
 Enter Seymour and Edward. 
 
 Edward. Oh, Sir, your miftrefs is like all of 
 them well, he that thinks to hold a woman, will 
 find he has got an eel by the tail There's your 
 letter again That's all the anfwer I could get. 
 
 Seym. My letter ! Tdeath, you rafcal, is this 
 your boafted clevernefs ? Did you fee my Ca- 
 roline ? 
 
 Edward. Yes, Sir ; and after many efforts, 
 at laft I gave the letter into her own hand, and 
 her father in the room. But fhe returned it juft 
 as you fee, and is pofitively to be married this 
 morning. 
 
 Seym. Unlucky fcoundrel ! 'tis to you I owe 
 all my misfortunes; by liftening to your wretched 
 paltry fchemes, I have loft all that was dear to 
 me on earth $ but you fhall injure me no more- 
 all the punifhment I can at prefent inflicl, is, to 
 divert you of my property and difcard you To 
 ftrip, Sir, and never let me fee your face again. 
 
 Edward. Sir ? 
 
 4 Seym,
 
 A FARCE. 3S 
 
 Seym. Call a coach, Sir, throw the clothes into 
 it, and begone Strip, I fay. 
 
 Edward. What, Sir, in the ftreet? I fhall catch 
 cold, Sir. 
 
 Seym. Do as I defire you, rafcal, or 
 
 Edward. Yes, Sir, yes coach co Lord, 
 Sir, you are joking. 
 
 Seym . I am ferious, firrah Do as I order you ; 
 no words but 
 
 Edward. Yes, Sir, yes Here's gratitude ! 
 who the devil would be a footman now, I wonder. 
 There, Sir, there's your coat, all the reft is 
 my own. 
 
 Seym. Quit my fight and here, Sir, take this 
 letter as your reward. 
 
 Edward. Oh! Sir, virtue is its own reward 
 I look for none. Eh ! what's this ? Ha ! kind 
 fortune, you never deferted me. 
 
 Seym. What is the fellow loitering about I 
 wifh he'd afk for his coat again {ajide). 
 
 Edward. Sir, I have one favour to beg before 
 I go j will you be fo kind, as juft to look at the 
 outfide of that letter ? 
 
 Seym. Look at {taking the letter) Ha ! what's 
 here ? {reads) " This is the only method 1 have 
 <c to acquaint my dear Seymour, that 1 am (till 
 Cf the fame; my heart is wholly his." Trans- 
 port! {kijffes the letter) my charming ! 
 
 Edward. A hem ! A hem ! 
 
 Seym, My dear Edward, what (hall I fay to 
 you ? 
 
 Edward. Nothing, Sir; you've faid enough 
 'Tis to me you owe all your misfortunes. 
 
 Seym, Nay, nay, put on your coat. 
 
 E 2 Edward.
 
 3 5 THE IRISHMAN IN LONDON; 
 
 Edward, No, no, Sir i get another fervarit.< 
 I'll never 
 
 Seym. Nay, for Heaven's fake> Edward I 
 own I have been rafh. 
 
 Edward. Rafh ! to make me ftrip here in the 
 open ftreet, and expofe me to all the world 
 {walking about), 
 
 Seym, (following him). But, Edward, do put 
 on your coat. 
 
 Edward. Not I, Sir, I defpife a coat when 
 there's no money in the pockets. 
 
 Seym* (gives money). Now, my dear fellow, 
 have done. 
 
 Edward, Lord, Sir, I have done Money 
 and a good place have ftopt greater men's mouths 
 than mine. 
 
 Seym. Take your coat and put it on. 
 
 Edward. Yes, Sir A little of your afliftance, 
 if you pleafe. 
 
 Seym. My afliftance ! 
 
 Edward, Yes, Sir j dam'me if I put it on 
 without it (Seymour helps him on with his coat) 
 i I have often affifted you on a fimilar occa- 
 iion. 
 
 Seym. Well, come, only think of my anxiety ! 
 
 Edward. Who would not be a footman now ? 
 It's well you're a gentleman, Sir. 
 Seym, Why ? 
 
 Edward. You make a very good matter; 
 but you'd be a damn'd bad fervant. 
 
 Enter Cubba. 
 
 Cubba. Mafia bring a my dear good MifTee 
 to make her marry great man She fend a 
 
 me
 
 A FARCE, 37 
 
 me to nook for you Hee a fhe come O dear 
 Mifiee ! 
 
 Seym. Why, there's no man but her father. 
 
 Cubba. No; chum chum meet her at dc 
 church. 
 
 Seym. Never let the confequence 
 
 Edward. Here they come; Sir Let's retire 
 a little Comt, Cubba, and minu what I fay 
 {they retire'). 
 
 Enter Frost and Ladies (one on each fide), 
 
 Frojl. Dear me, the time is getting rapidly 
 over, and I dread that fellow's having any more 
 fchemes to bamboozle and cheat me But I think 
 if he does now, he muft be cunning Come on, 
 Liny. 
 
 Car. Why, Sir, how very ridiculous you'll 
 make yourfclf and me in this bufinefs You fee 
 plainly, Mr. Colloony won't be here Pray, Sir, 
 put it off till to-morrow. 
 
 Froji. No, no ; 1 am certain he will be here . 
 Egad, yonder he comes Louifa, your turn (hall 
 be next To-morrow, we'll Oh dear ! 
 
 Enter Colloony and Murtoch. 
 
 Coll. 1 hope, Sir, 1 havn't kipt you weeting; 
 
 Madam, I take {addrejfing himfelf to 
 
 Louifa). 
 
 Edward takes CubbaV hand, flips Caroline'* 
 gently away, and puts Cubba'/ in its place 
 under Froft'j arm. 
 
 Frojl. Mr. Colloony, don't be afhamed to be 
 feen with your wife before marriage here fhe. 
 Oh the devil ! 
 
 Murt. Arrah ! is it my own little daffy-down- 
 dilly you want, Maifter Pat, to bring home ? Oh 
 thunder ! Arrah be afy ! 
 
 Frojl.
 
 3& THE IRISHMAN IN LONDON} 
 
 Froft. Oh thunder, indeed ! What hocus po- 
 cus is this ? 
 
 Coll. Sir, I take your daughter as the greeteft 
 gift this world can be 
 
 Froft. Take her 1 where will you find her ? 
 
 Coll. Here, Sir This Lady 
 
 Froft. That Lady ! No, no, no ; flie is no 
 daughter of mine She is engaged She is 
 Oh, Liny ! Why don't you purfue and bring 
 back your wife that is to be? This poor girl has 
 no fortune. 
 
 Coll. Why, then, it is very lucky I have enough 
 for us both And if this lady will make it more 
 by fharing it with me, its all at her fervice. What 
 fay you, Ma'am ? 
 
 Lout/a. Why, Sir, a there is a certain grace- 
 ful affurance about fome men, that women are 
 ftrangely bewitched with I own that is my cafe j 
 and would fay " Here's my hand j" but I fear 
 you'll cenfure me. 
 
 Froft. Oh dear ! Oh ! Was there ever fuch 
 a wretched little old man ! 
 
 Enter Seymour, Caroline, WEdward. 
 
 Car. Dear Sir, I can't bear to fee you fo refer- 
 able Be reconciled j and our future conduct ihall 
 prove, that to make you happy, is all we wifh. 
 
 Froft. Ah, confound you all ! I'll never yet 
 ftop j fince Providence has fo far interfered 
 'twould be prefumptuous any longer to oppofe 
 your happinefs She is yours, Sir, with a good 
 fortune, and the blefiing of an affectionate father. 
 
 Louifa. Ay ; now you look like the good-na- 
 tured little man I always confidered you. Let 
 us be friends. 
 
 Froft.
 
 A FARCE. 39 
 
 Frojl. With all my foul I muft love you- 
 Give me your hand At my time of life, 1 think 
 it's much better to be a good friend, than an in- 
 different 
 
 Murt. Faith, your right, old gentleman But 
 all our great joy and happinefs, will be nothing 
 but downright grief and mifery, if the hands of 
 all our friends do not loudly whifper in our ears, 
 they have no obje&ion to the " IRISHMAN 
 IN LONDON." 
 
 THE END.
 
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 Return this material to the library from which it was borrowed. 
 
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 ft- APR 1 2001 
 
 
 IBE >j n 
 
 * 7;. V The MyYt tRlES'OF THE CASTLE, an 
 Opera: by M. P. Andrews, as. 
 
 18. CROTCHET LODGE, a Farce; by Mr, 
 
 HURLSTONE. IS. 
 
 jo. ZORLNSKI, a Play ; by Mr. Morton. is. 
 <20 WAY TO GET MARRIED, a Comedy ; by 
 
 k* ' CURE FOR THE HEART-ACHE, a 
 
 C r 2 : d SEC y RETS * WORTH KNOWING, a 
 Comedy ; by Ditto. 2S. .mm 
 
 23. LOCK AND KEY, a Farce; by Mr, 
 
 HOARE. IS. 
 
 a 4 . BANNIAN r^fo fJfffA'R* 5, . . 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 PR Macready - 
 
 35U5 The Irishman in 
 
 Ml8i London 
 
 179? 
 
 INDERY J a I|| l 5 1958 
 
 PR 
 
 35I 
 
 Ml8i 
 1799
 
 
 Unive 
 So 
 
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