PQ 
 
 4687 
 
 C4A5E 
 
 1819
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 THE 
 
 COURT AND PARLIAMENT 
 
 OF 
 
 BEASTS.
 
 LONDON : 
 
 BV JTHUMAS DAVIBON,
 
 XT7 - \ 
 
 ) t ^ 
 
 OX* ^ /" ' / 
 
 THJfi *^7^^79%7/t-dX? v d^' / 
 
 COURT AND PARLIAMENT 
 
 OF 
 
 BEASTS 
 
 FREELY TUANSLAXED FROM 
 
 THE ANIMALI PARLANTI 
 
 OF 
 
 GIAMBATTISTA CASTI 
 
 & #ocm 
 
 IN SEVEN CANTOS. 
 
 BY WILLIAM STEWART ROSE. 
 
 " Walk in, Ladies and Gentlemen!" POUTO 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 JOHN MURRAY, ALBEMARLE-ST11EET. 
 1819.
 
 ?q 
 
 CANTO I.
 
 THE COURT OF BEASTS. 
 
 CANTO I. 
 
 Address The Parliament of Beasts They vote 
 A Despotism Different Brutes of note 
 Propos'dfor King Rejected, and the poll 
 Adjourn' d Two beasts remaining on the roll. 
 
 TO UOO FOSCOLO. 
 
 UGO, you've seen a lady working at 
 
 A chair-bottom, in tent-stitch, or a stool. 
 
 Her centre ('tis in general a cat) 
 
 Is ready drawn ; and here she goes by rule. 
 
 But, if she 's skill and fancy, she may order 
 
 At pleasure, the surrounding field and border.
 
 THE COCRT OF BEASTS. Canto I. 
 
 Tis much the same with my poetic venture : 
 The " fundamental feature" *s ready plann'd 
 My Lion, like the lady's cat i' the centre, 
 My Lion with his court by other hand. 
 But for the arabesque which skirts the picturr. 
 This is my own, and so fair field for stricture. 
 
 But lest those, who know nothing of the matter 
 Should think, that I distort the real story, 
 In order to indulge myself in satire, 
 I solemnly beseech of Whig or Tory, 
 To turn to my original, when doubting : 
 Ex gra. for alien act and Ourangoutang. 
 
 Casti's accus'd, 'tis true, of personality, 
 
 And painting cubs of Petersburg!) and NapU-- 
 
 Yet is, in fact, so free from all locality, 
 
 That his best portraits will be always 
 
 In every country, papal or heretic. 
 
 So true it is, that Genius is prophetic.
 
 Canto I. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 5 
 
 Once more ; I make but little alteration, 
 Except what tends to make the story shorter ; 
 Since I, in the pure love of concentration, 
 Have boil'd down three thick volumes to a quarter 
 Of one : and have let go my author's skirt, 
 Wherever he has plung'd through filth and dirt. 
 
 This for the matter of th 1 immediate fiction. 
 
 As to the rest, I've sought another mould, 
 
 Wherein to cast my sentiment and diction ; 
 
 And found it 'mid the Florentines of old : 
 
 Not 'mid their sons (there's little there worth stealing) 
 
 Riuiifordizd out of fancy, force, and feeling. 
 
 Dear Foscolo, to thee my dedication 's 
 
 Address'd with reason. Who like thee is able 
 
 To judge betwixt the theme and variations ? 
 
 To whom so well can I inscribe my fable, 
 
 As thee ? since I, upon good proof, * may sing thee 
 
 Doctum sermoncs utriusque linguce. 
 
 * See his accurate translation of Sterne's Sentimental Journey into 
 Italian.
 
 THE COURT OF BEASTS. ( nnf.) /. 
 
 I. 
 
 I SING the Lion and the Lion's lair, 
 
 The virtues, vices, patriotism, treason, 
 
 The policy, the peace and wars, that were 
 
 AMiat time the bestial race had speech and reason. 
 
 High matter, smother'd in the womb of time, 
 
 And now first marri'd to immortal rhyme. 
 
 II. 
 
 Zodiack, thou, by whom that time is meted, 
 Grant I complete the glorious race I run ! 
 And ye, Immortal Beasts, in order seated 
 About the sacred circus of the Sun, 
 
 Great Constellations, grant one lucid ray 
 
 To guide my course, and glad me on my way. 
 
 III. 
 
 In PARLIAMENT, the various beasts were set ; 
 
 1 mean the better, from the baser singled. 
 They were, I say, in full convention met, 
 To choose a monarchy, unmixt or mingled, 
 Republick, or whatever form might suit 
 The anarchick disposition of the Brute.
 
 Canto 1. THE COUKT OF BEASTS. \ 
 
 IV. 
 
 I shall report but part of the debate, 
 
 That, where opinions to a point were verging. 
 
 The Courser had defin'd a mixt estate, 
 
 The good of King, and Lords, and Commons urging; 
 
 And many beasts, after their way, were cheering, 
 
 When forward sprang the Dog, and claim'd a hearing. 
 
 V. 
 
 The Dog was one, who to the great was odious ; 
 The hope, head, hand, and heart of the plebeian; 
 \Vorthy the Roman tribunate, a Clodius, 
 Who made patricians quake at the Tarpeian. 
 " O high and puissant Ik-asts, props of the state," 
 lie cri'd, " is this the issue of debate ? 
 
 VI. 
 
 " How long, O Quadrupeds, will you be blind, 
 
 " And know not that your monarch constitutional, 
 
 " Your King, by custom and by law conHned, 
 
 " Is a mere butt to tempests revolutional ? 
 
 " A paltry and a pitiable thing, 
 
 " A mockery and may-game of a King.
 
 8 THE COURT OF BKASTS. Canto I. 
 
 VII. 
 
 " Beasts, let us have a King, who can defend 
 
 " The harm'd and helpless, and control the strong, 
 
 " To whose dominion violence shall bend ; 
 
 " Serene and savage beasts, we've born too long 
 
 " The rage of anarchists. If I serve any, 
 
 " I serve but one. Heav'n guard me from the many." 
 
 VIII. 
 
 This said, he scratch 1 d ; to mark his auditory, 
 And see how his persuasive periods told j 
 And heard from some a shout applauditory ; 
 (The feeble are rebuk'd beneath the bold.) 
 And those, who disapproved of his oration, 
 Kais'd but a wretched growl of reprobation. 
 
 IX. 
 
 He ey'd his work, and struck while it was hot, 
 
 And scar'd opponents gaz'd on him with wonder j 
 
 Then " Were it possible, as it is not, 
 
 " To bind those hands which ought to wield the thumkT, 
 
 " Bethink ye of the fable of the frog. 
 
 " Beasts, do nut let u* rc-cnact King Log.
 
 Can/0 7. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 9 
 
 X. 
 
 " King constitutional is but a shade : 
 " Nor boasts one saving bulwark but the steeple ; 
 " A feeble work. Whig Lords his rights invade, 
 " Lords, whooping to th* assault the peevish people. 
 " When clouds are charg'd with ruin, will you flee, 
 " Ye beasts, for refuge to a rotten tree r" 
 
 XI. 
 
 Besides some monsters who, from heat, were sleeping, 
 
 And some who wish'd the long debate concluded ; 
 
 Ancl more who put their wits in other's- keeping, 
 
 And by the Dog's oration were deluded, 
 
 He had before secur'd a steady crew 
 
 Of stirring partizans ; but these were few. 
 
 XII. 
 
 For he perceiv'd this game was full of danger : 
 His better card, the public disposition. 
 And the main body, to his views a stranger, 
 borv'd but as stepping-stones to his ambition. 
 They sought for sai'ety from the beasts of prey ; 
 \n<l lie, in other's name, aspir'd to sway.
 
 10 TIIE COURT OF BKASTS. Canto 1. 
 
 XIII 
 
 The Fox, himself, was puzzled, with the rest : 
 He guess'd, indeed, the speech had mystic meaning ; 
 But lock'd his own suspicion in his breast, 
 And watch'd to see which way the house was leaning. 
 Meanwhile he ponder'd on his present course $ 
 And amid cries of ' question' rose the Horse, 
 
 XIV. 
 
 And shook his mane, and cried, " O Dog, shall we, 
 
 " Masters of moor and mountain, never broke 
 
 " To chiding curb, the freest of the free, 
 
 *' Say, shall we vilely volunteer the yoke ? 
 
 " Think well before you fasten on your fetters ! 
 
 -" Think, while you may, you dog and dog's abettors !" 
 
 XV. 
 
 IMurmurs and cheers ensu'd : he said and snorted. 
 And, " Gallant steed, you're shy, and danger fear, 
 " Where danger's none," (the wily Dog retorted ; 
 And the Dog's choice supporters " hear, hear, hear!") 
 " I'll use no logic, though the field is ample, 
 " Adduce no stronger proof than man's example.
 
 C unto I. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 11 
 
 XVI. 
 
 " Lo man . whom you hold wisest of the wise, 
 " To cram his prince's coffers, drains his own ; 
 " For him, with blind devotion, lives and dies, 
 " The voluntary victim of the throne. 
 " Say, while he plays such part in sober sadness, 
 " Say, have his other acts the sign of madness ?" 
 
 XVII. 
 
 He said and sate. There was an angry Bear, 
 Who, at his speech, had growl'd disapprobation, 
 And twice was call'd to order by the chair. 
 He scarcely let him finish his oration, 
 And thus ; " Is man a rule to beast or bird ? 
 " Cite us, Sir Dog, example less absurd." 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 The Bear had late escap'd from basest labour, 
 
 And fled from dirty streets, to down and dell, 
 
 Damning his master, monkey, pipe and tabor ; 
 
 His ears still rung with drone, squeak, thump, and bell : 
 
 Detain'd by man, who kept him for his pleasure, 
 
 And held it mirth to see him mar a measure.
 
 I 1 ' THK COUKT <>K HK.\- l> 
 
 XIX. 
 
 To him the Dog ; " This spiteful reprobation 
 " Of your late lord, you might discreetly spare. 
 " And think you love can rise from like relation 
 Bruin rejoin'd. The laugh was with the Hear. 
 But stedfast to his point, umnark'd the joke, 
 The Dog pursu'd, and to the question spoke. 
 
 XX. 
 
 And still he sail'd an end, o'er ledge and shell, 
 \Vith leading wind. No noble stirr'd objection : 
 Kach hop'd the choice might light upon hini-ell. 
 "{'was voted to proceed to an election ; 
 And those, who curs'd the Dog at heart, appear' d < 
 His keenest partisans, and loudest cheer'd. 
 
 i 
 
 XXI. 
 
 The Tiger first was put in nomination. 
 His tail, pied coat, the lightning of his pat, 
 (.But for the Dog's insidious intimation) 
 Had told. But he j " He 's after all a cat, 
 " A better breed of cat." Here lay the -tint: 
 For nobody would choose a cat for King.
 
 Canto I. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 13 
 
 XXII. 
 
 A mountain democrat propos'd the Bear. 
 
 On this the Dog : " I honour his long pole ; 
 
 " I own him first jack-pudding of the fair ; 
 
 " A thorough comical, buffooning droll. 
 
 " But shall we choose a King to make us laugh, 
 
 " And change the sceptre for the ragged staff?" 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 To him the Bear ; " Who, better acts his part, 
 " In this great stage-play, matters not two grains, 
 " I, a buffoon by nature, you by art. 
 " At least you will not fail for want of pains." 
 Although th' assembly laugh' d at Bruin's sally, 
 The barren jest procur'd him not a tally. 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 The previous sarcasm, on the Bear's unfitness, 
 
 Fix'd the foundations of eternal hate : 
 
 Though Hockley is no more, you still may witness 
 
 Th' effect, in sore and sanguinary bait. 
 
 And still through the long line of their descendants 
 
 Their sons and grandsons shall dispute ascendance. * 
 
 * " Pugnent ipsique pepotcsque."
 
 14 THE COURT OF BEASTS Cantol. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 The Bull was next expos'd to nomination. 
 
 With many more, brute beasts of straw and lath, 
 
 Successively rejected in rotation. 
 
 And next the Mule, oh ! tell it not in Gath ! 
 
 Put up the Ass, 'mid laughing, scraping, fleering : 
 
 But he was hooted off on half a hearing. 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 My Ass, console thyself ; the time is coming 
 When thou, blest beast, like Dog, shall have thy day : 
 When Kings, thy sad and solemn virtues summing, 
 Council and Court shall echo to thy bray. 
 And puissant peers thy proud pretensions own, 
 And thou be deem'd best bulwark of the throne. 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 But leave we for a time, the Ass and Mule, 
 That second hope of beasts, that Ass's scion. 
 Of all who late contended for the pool, 
 Remain'd but two, the Elephant and Lion. 
 Ballot and beast have been the theme too long ; 
 Be these the subjects of a second song.
 
 THE 
 
 COURT OF BEASTS. 
 
 CANTO II.
 
 17 
 
 CANTO II. 
 
 The Lion is crowned King, with one accord 
 Sy his first act the Dog is made first lord 
 0' the treasury a levee held, to lick 
 Paws, for promotions Poodle made white-stick. 
 The Lion King, being in full possession 
 Of health and wits, provides for the succession. 
 Well serv'd by the trusty Dog he, in compliance 
 With his advice, courts wits and beasts of science- 
 Founds colleges and schools is fond of scandal, 
 A poor propensity, which gives a handle 
 To the Cat and other beasts, to form a league 
 And deal in dirty work and low intrigue. 
 
 TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE JOHN HOOKHAM FKERE. 
 I. 
 
 I HAD a mind to copy from my Casti 
 
 Some dozen lines, and piece them with some more, 
 
 (A thing that your Italian calls a pasty) * 
 
 In illustration of what's gone before : 
 
 Repeating what's been said, and maxims teaching ; 
 
 But then I thought I was not made for preaching. 
 
 Pasticcio. 
 
 c
 
 18 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto II. 
 
 II. 
 
 I've held it a good ground for speculation, 
 And often search'd (although I knew 'twas folly) 
 The reason, why that keen discerning nation, 
 A race, who catch your meaning at the volley, 
 Should, in their books, expounding and expanding, 
 Leave nothing to the reader's understanding. 
 
 III. 
 
 And then I've thought there was some strange relation, 
 'Tween things, where none would put a like construction j 
 And often schem'd to make enumeration 
 Of instances, which warrant such induction : 
 Things, held anomalous, together stitching, 
 Videlicet, Italian books and kitchen. 
 
 IV. 
 
 Th' association in ourselves holds good : 
 
 Our meat and matter 's raw. Th' Italian glutton 
 
 Holds, for ill savour'd and unwholesome food, 
 
 Meat that is underdone ; beef, veal, or mutton. 
 
 Their cooks, when, to their mind, they've trimm'd and 
 
 drest it, 
 Boil it to bits ; one may say, half digest it.
 
 Canto II. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 19 
 
 V. 
 
 Tis thus their dawdling authors deal with that, 
 Which squires call potter y and which men call prose. 
 'Tis all about it, and about it, flat, 
 And full of truths which every blockhead knows. 
 E'en when they broach a vein of gold, they scatter 
 Their ore, and overlay it with mean matter. 
 
 VI. 
 
 It was not always so. The Ferrarese 
 
 To choicer musick chim'd his gay guitar, 
 
 In Este's halls : they were not strains like these, 
 
 Which from its orbit charm'd Albracca's star ; 
 
 Now warm with love, now foaming with defiance. 
 
 Twas not to such that Pulci kill'd his giants. 
 
 VII. 
 
 O Thou, that hast reviv'd in magic rhyme 
 That lubber race, and turn'd them out, to turney, 
 And love, after their way ; in after time, 
 To be acknowledg'd for our British Berni ; 
 Oh ! send thy Giants forth to good men's feasts : 
 Keep them not close. But I must to my Beasts.* 
 * The giants were then upon the stocks. 
 
 c2
 
 2O THK COURT OF BEASTS. Canto II. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 I finish'd with my Lion and my Elephant 
 
 Fresh for the poll ; the Beasts to vote by sections. 
 
 But I so deeply hate harangues irrelevant, 
 
 And all the trash and tumult of elections, 
 
 I'll only say, that to the noisy ring 
 
 The Dog propos'd the Lion for their King. 
 
 IX. 
 
 From Pidcock-flourish, guess his peroration. 
 But one part of the speech I mean to quote, 
 (Although it stirs my honest indignation) 
 More meant to goad the foe than gain a vote. 
 Yet some maintain that he hid views political^ 
 Beneath invective cynic and thersiticaL 
 
 X 
 
 The Elephant had friends, who kindly saw 
 
 In his Lord-Burleigh-look serene and serious, 
 
 A mixture of philosophy and law ; 
 
 A something of imposing and mysterious. 
 
 And, while such brutes his bulk and bearing bragg'd, 
 
 The many growl'd applause, and tails were wagg'd.
 
 Canto II. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 21 
 
 XI. 
 
 " For my part," said the Dog, " I see in him 
 
 " An unredeem'd, and very serious ass : 
 
 " And then his mountain-back, his mass of limb ! 
 
 " Strange contrast to his tail. Will such tail pass ?" 
 
 All have some point 'tis dangerous to assail. 
 
 In Beasts, the point of honour is the tail. 
 
 XII. 
 
 The solemn brute his trunk, in silence, tosses ; 
 Then hurls it at the Dog ; he leapt away, 
 And that enormous volume of proboscis, 
 Descending from on high, with engine-sway, 
 Enwrapt two beasts, no such attack mistrusting, 
 And flung them fifty paces from the Rusting. 
 
 XIII. 
 
 Conceive th' uproarious burst of indignation ! 
 'Mid this, th' aggressor wisely slipt away, 
 Abash'd, and conscious of self-degradation. 
 His brutal fury gave the Dog the day : 
 Whose satire on indecency might border ; 
 But none could say that he was out of order.
 
 22 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto II. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 He, as one unconcern'd, resum'd the oration. 
 'Twos marvellous to see the phlegm and art, 
 With which he took advantage of th' occasion : 
 But he'd no longer need to play a part ; 
 His adversaries silenc'd or beat down, 
 The Lion, sole pretender to the crown. 
 
 XV. 
 
 And he, the Fox, who'd hitherto been mute, 
 Perceived 'twas more than time, if he would merit 
 Good will or grace from the successful brute, 
 To open on the scent ; so yelp'd with spirit. 
 The opponents all retir'd (perhaps some twenty,) 
 The Lion was proclaim'd, nem: dissentienti. 
 
 XVI. 
 
 " God save King Lion !" was the general cry, 
 " Lion the first. May the King live for ever !" 
 " God save King Lion !" hill and wood reply, 
 " God save King Lion !" mountain, plain, and river. 
 I pass his gracious speech. The oath was sign d ; 
 The crowd dismissal ; the Dog remain'd behind.
 
 Canto II. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 23 
 
 XVII. 
 
 The Lion to his mouth convey'd the seal. 
 
 (Is there who doubts their secret understanding ?) 
 
 And he receiv'd it with a burst of zeal ; 
 
 And read a list, upon the King's commanding, 
 
 Of persons, whom he destin'd to the great 
 
 Charges of court, and offices of state. 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 And first, for Lord high Steward, nam'd the Bull. 
 The King, after a pause, confirm'd his claim : 
 Though (but of such reports the world is full) 
 There were who cast a tarnish on his name ; 
 And many naturalists indeed assure us, 
 He was the Bos silvaticus, or Urus. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 But by the Lion taken into grace, 
 
 He quickly laid aside his rustic carriage ; 
 
 Nor was there found a monkey out of place, 
 
 That durst his weight, and wealth, and worth disparage : 
 
 And he was held, in that licentious school, 
 
 A marvel as a something more than Bull.
 
 24 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto II. 
 
 XX. 
 
 His pace and portliness were all the talk. 
 He us'd to move, like one in a procession ; 
 It was a pleasure but to see him walk 
 The palace, with an air of proud possession, 
 Some envied : but the universal voice 
 Confirm'd, and justified the monarch's choice. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 The Master of the Ceremonies next 
 
 In order, 'twas a thing as clear as noon 
 
 The minister, still reading from his text, 
 
 The Lion, musing, nam'd the blue Baboon ; 
 
 A beast, that from a cub had studied creeds 
 
 And codes of mops and mowes. The Dog proceeds -, 
 
 XXII. 
 
 " The next, Sir, on my list, whom, by your leave, 
 " I'd name to an important occupation, 
 " Is the Lord Chamberlain and I conceive 
 " But one objection, he's my own relation : 
 " But since your Majesty must have a Noodle, * 
 " I venture, Sir, to recommend the Poodle." 
 * Vide dramatis pcrsonae of Tom Thumb.
 
 Canto II. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 25 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 " What, Oh! the Poodle, eh?" exclaim'd the Lion. 
 
 " Oh, ay, the poodle dog, I recollect him :" 
 
 " His zeal and duty, Sir, you may rely on : 
 
 " Her Majesty was pleas'd, Sir, to protect him ; 
 
 " Her favourite bitch eleve he means to marry, 
 
 " He's droll and pleasant, and can fetch and carry." 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 The Cat, for cleanliness and order cited, 
 
 Was made the Minister of the Police ; 
 
 The Lynx, Chief Justice, as a beast clear-sighted ; 
 
 The Jackal, the Grand- Hunter. Of a piece 
 
 The rest ; the Stag was named General Surveyor 
 
 Of forests, and the Falcon, Chief Purveyor. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 Who would know more, with industry must rummage 
 The records of our Lion King, at home, 
 Who still receives a shadowy kind of homage : 
 'Twas so in the Tarquinian case at Rome. 
 The real monarch from his throne ejected, 
 A King, for sacrifices, was elected.
 
 26 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto 11. 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 Thus Lion, King at Arms, remains the shadow, 
 
 The type and substitute, beyond a doubt, 
 
 Of Lion, King of mountain and of meadow. 
 
 A single circumstance shall make it out. 
 
 Your Lion, Lord of scutcheons, bends, and quarters, 
 
 Howe'er bestow'd, gives Beast and Bird supporters j 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 In pledge of indefeasible dominion, 
 
 Long exercis'd in holt or forest hoar ; 
 
 And this gives force to Montesquieu's opinion. 
 
 But, I, methinks, bid fair to be a bore. 
 
 In truth how can I choose but bore, in case I 
 
 Get upon contract, absolute or quasi? 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 There is a mighty mass of rock and mountain , 
 Where ' Ganges, waterer of the Indian Lands,' 
 Pours his twin-streamlets from ;i double fountain. 
 The rocky ridge a various -view commands, 
 On one side craggy hills in long array, 
 And upon that a mighty champaign lay.
 
 Canto H. THE COURT OF BEASTS. ,27 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 Southward a broken sea of mountains ran, 
 The breakers of a dim and distant chain, 
 Storm-capt, and inaccessible to man. 
 Northward tir'd nature stretch'd into a plain, 
 Which seem'd an endless level from the brink 
 Of that precipitous, last, mountain-link. 
 
 XXX. 
 
 Nature had plann'd the cliff in wildest thought, 
 And had, beside, bestow'd amplest material, 
 And mean, for use of Beast, who further sought : 
 With such the Beaver, Architect imperial, 
 Propt the long caves, no longer damp or dark ; 
 The cliff the palace, and the plain the park. 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 The cliff itself was nature's prime vagary ; 
 
 An E d himself had tax'd his brains 
 
 'Twixt matter, primitive and secondary, 
 And foreign fossils, and marine remains ; 
 And carcases of Beasts of better days, 
 And strata pack'd and pil'd a thousand ways.
 
 28 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto I/. 
 
 XXXII. 
 
 Suppose all circumstance of coronation 
 Upon such mighty plain, as mocks dimension ; 
 And, to complete a competent narration, 
 Draw boldly on your memory, or invention. 
 For me ; I have a horror of procession, 
 From king and peers to club and quarter-session. 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 One only fact : the Cat, in brief report, 
 
 Was stating all had pass'd with due decorum, 
 
 When the indignant Lion stopt him short, 
 
 And ask'd him, whether he, as Censor morum, 
 
 " Could say, that all went off with form, and quiet, 
 
 " Where he, himself, was witness to a riot ?" 
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 " Sir," said the cringing Cat, " I should not dare 
 " Deceive your Majesty, a King and Lion j 
 " And I could, with the safest conscience, swear, 
 " And you, Sir, may my solemn word rely on, 
 " That what your Majesty is pleased to mention, 
 " Did not require my people's intervention."
 
 Canto II. THE COCRT OF BEASTS. 29 
 
 XXXV. 
 
 << Did, or did not," reply'd the King, " my will is, 
 
 " You tell me all."" The whole, Sir," said the Cat* 
 
 " Your Majesty must know the Spaniel, Phillis : 
 
 " She on a scaffold near the Palace sat : 
 
 " Next her, that reprobate old Pointer, Pero, 
 
 " Whose blood and spirits should be down at zero. 
 
 XXXVI. 
 
 " But the old dog some youthful freedoms took ; 
 " (Your Majesty might see the plank is scanty) 
 " Which neither she, nor other beasts could brook, 
 " And so all fell on the poor dilettante : 
 " Who by his moody mistress bit and baffled, 
 " Was hustled off and tumbled from the scaffold. 
 
 XXXVII. 
 
 The King. " Poor Devil ! I too thought, he'd winter 'd 
 " Frosts, that might well have freez'd his feverish blood. 
 " Well, but he broke his leg ?" " His leg is splinter'd,, 
 " Sir," said the Cat " Your Majesty 's so good !" 
 " And Ibis, great in fractures and in sores, 
 " Hopes, he shall shortly set him on all fours."
 
 SO THI: COURT OF BEASTS. Canto 11. 
 
 XXXVIII. 
 
 The King. " Henceforth report whate'er you witness 
 
 " Of like description, whatsoe'er it be, 
 
 " Serious or trifling ; for the weight or fitness 
 
 " Of such report leave that concern to me." 
 
 Grimalkin saw which way his taste inclin'd, 
 
 And purr'd and thought she'd feed him to his mind. 
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 The coronation done, a numerous be\y 
 
 Of beasts had to lick paws, upon promotion ; 
 
 But of this ceremonial, modern levy 
 
 Or drawing-room may give a decent notion : 
 
 And thus, describing what is worth relating, 
 
 I 'scape from wooden stick and dog in waiting. 
 
 XL. 
 
 The ceremonies past, the Lion pair 
 
 Had hardly stept into their great possession, 
 
 Ere the considerate King turn'd all his care, 
 
 To regulate the system of succession. 
 
 The plan in its detail admits much question : 
 
 'Twas said, he acted at the Queen's suggestion.
 
 Canto II. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 31 
 
 XLI. 
 
 He left the kingdom to his cub, a fool : 
 But, (for the whelp was yet in his minority) 
 He order'd that the Lioness should rule, 
 Ad interim, with delegate authority ; 
 Though he threw in the qualifying spice 
 Of " by and with her council's good advice." 
 
 XLII. 
 
 And her's and her sage council's safe opinion 
 
 (I said the cub was still in his minority) 
 
 Was to decide his fitness for dominion ; 
 
 That is, to fix the period of majority. 
 
 The Dog foretold the mischief that would follow ; 
 
 But 'twas a pill that he was forced to swallow. 
 
 XLIII. 
 
 So far my text is pointed and specific : 
 
 But for the rest ; with all my time and pains, 
 
 I gather little from my hieroglyphic, 
 
 But the main fact, that the Dog rack'd his brains, 
 
 To lift his Lion Lord above all measure, 
 
 Prop his prerogative, and pile his treasure.
 
 32 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto II. 
 
 XLIV. 
 
 And being an encourager of arts, 
 
 He in his King instilTd a kindred passion ; 
 
 Who singled from the rest all beasts of parts, 
 
 And to his fav' rites gave the stamp of fashion ; 
 
 And, moving every stone, love, power, and bribery, 
 
 Lay'd the foundation of a sumptuous Library. 
 
 XLV. 
 
 And here the Dog, desirous to hand down, 
 (Unprais'd by me such arrogant temerity,) 
 That he had been disposer of the crown, 
 While stone and mortar lasted, to posterity, 
 Gave a design, in pencil, to the chief 
 Sculptor, to be perform'd in high relief. 
 
 XLVI. 
 
 In this relief, the Dog was represented 
 Putting the sceptre in the Lion's paw : 
 Judge how the Lioness such act resented, 
 And more than half the other Beasts that saw. 
 Nor could it please the Lion King ; at least 
 If there 's analogy 'twixt man and beast.
 
 Canto II. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 33 
 
 XLVII. 
 
 To this great magazine of erudition 
 All paid some learned tithe, I mean the great : 
 But, most, the Dog gave many a rare edition 
 Of books, which I, with safety, may translate 
 The Bestial Mneids, Iliads and Odyssees ; 
 And many rare illuminated codices. 
 
 XLVIII. 
 
 But nothing rix'd the Lion's reputation 
 So much as the unceasing care and zeal 
 The Dog display'd for spreading education, 
 The broadest basis of the common weal. 
 Bell's schools, which for a new invention pass, 
 With us, from his spread southward to Madras. 
 
 XLIX. 
 
 And next (for he would cultivate diversity 
 Of genius) the Dog cast the firm foundation 
 Of a far-fam'd and learned university, 
 Where every beast obey'd his own vocation ; 
 And from old brutes, in various arts profess'd, 
 Studied that art alone, which pleas'd him best.
 
 34 THE COURT OF BEASTS. I'antu II. 
 
 L. 
 
 The tenure of this body was a charter, 
 Renewable at each two hundred years ; 
 Like that of company, enroll'd for barter. 
 
 Cambridge, nurse of Princes and of Peers ! 
 Thus renovated, thou wouldst cease to doat, 
 
 Nor thy cramm'd wranglers wrangle still by vote. 
 
 LI. 
 
 But some prefer what goes against the grain, 
 
 Upon the principle we drive a pig, 
 
 And hence they say that with immortal strain 
 
 This very Cambridge has been often big. 
 
 Has turn'd out Milton, Dryden, Prior and Gru\ . 
 
 Frere, Coleridge, and Lord Byron, in our d;i\ 
 
 LII. 
 
 1 said the Lion favour'd clever beasts, 
 
 And by such guests felt honour'd in his court ; 
 Their sallies were a seasoning to his feasts ; 
 And (what was more) he had their good report : 
 For it is well for Kings to find abetters, 
 And purtizans in men or beasts of letters.
 
 Canto It. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 35 
 
 LIII. 
 
 Hence wits, in prose and verse, conspir'd to swell 
 His praise, in such a tone as ever pleases ; 
 And though I have some doubts if he could spell 
 His own name on the sign-post at Demezy's, * 
 He was still look'd on, as a brute discerning 
 In art, the pride and patron of all learning. 
 
 LIV. 
 
 And one, who knew th' advantage of a puff, 
 
 The most illustrious author of our nation, 
 
 Declares, that such proceeding is enough 
 
 To gain a prince a learned reputation : 
 
 But kings don't see these truths or else can't square 'em. 
 
 See Bacon de augment: scientiarum. 
 
 LV. 
 
 But here I catch a slight insinuation 
 Of secret plots, and low intrigues of state ; 
 How the Cat, strong in secret information, 
 Amus'd the Lion with her gossip-prate, 
 And how he lov'd her lies, (a curse upon her !) 
 But most the Lioness and maids of honour. 
 * Late innkeeper at Hartford Bridge.
 
 36 THE COURT OF BEASTS. (Wo II. 
 
 LVI. 
 
 The gossip-bearing Cat was always seen 
 
 In this close court : and Fox, become her crony, 
 
 Soon curried equal favour with the Queen, 
 
 For ever at her conversazione : 
 
 But such Cabal, however ill-inclin'd, 
 
 Wrought little on the Lion's honest mind. 
 
 LVII. 
 
 But I, beshrew my evil lot ! am drifting 
 To sea, upon an ocean deep and dark, 
 The gulf of politics, unless by shifting 
 My helm, I place in port my crazy barque : 
 She stays, she is in port, and, anchor'd fast, 
 I hand my mainsail and unstep my ma<t.
 
 Mil. 
 
 COURT OF BEASTS. 
 
 CANTO III.
 
 39 
 
 CANTO III. 
 
 Gundimore Mooncalf Lion's convalescence 
 Fatal the Lion dies her husband's presence 
 A check upon the Queen the King no more, 
 She shews herself a fool breaks out at score 
 Her malice and caprice the Dog's disgrace 
 The Fox and Ass and Ox come into place 
 Hog sees the Lion's Ghost a club for faction 
 The Lioness and Fox prepare for action. 
 
 TO GUNDIMORE. 
 I. 
 
 I FIN!) it sweet when I have roll'd and wander' d 
 
 To lay myself awhile upon the shelf, 
 
 And find my health and spirits not so squander'd 
 
 But that I'm still sufficient to myself, 
 
 Nor forc'd to weigh wants, wishes, pains or pleasures 
 
 According to the standard weights and measures.
 
 40 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto III. 
 
 II. 
 
 'Tis sweeter that I land upon a world, 
 Which I may fairly call my own creation, 
 After the anchor's down and sails are furl'd ; 
 Peopling it from my own imagination : 
 Filling it with fair forms, excluding tragick, 
 And gilding all things with this glorious magick. 
 
 HI. 
 
 Or if foul fiends and phantoms will intrude, 
 With reason or upon perverse pretences, 
 And I must pass a melancholy mood 
 Through all its vast variety of tenses, 
 It is some consolation, when they work ill, 
 To pen my devils in my own small circle : 
 
 IV. 
 
 But this I see is clear, and glad return 
 
 To thee, gay Gundimore, thy flow'rs and fountain, 
 
 Statue, relief, or cinerary urn. 
 
 It seems, as if thy Genius took a mountain 
 
 From off my breast j I feel repriev'd from death ; 
 
 I move more lightly, breathe with other breath.
 
 Canto HI. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 41 
 
 V. 
 
 Blest spot ! within thy walls, I never hear 
 
 That Mr. 's with Lady a sinner ; 
 
 Nor what Sir . . . What-d'ye-call-him ? has a year : 
 I never sit ten minutes after dinner. 
 Nor when digestion has her * hands full, piece 
 A half-concocted meal with tea and grease. 
 
 VI. 
 
 But sip my coffee, (GUILFORD brews no stronger) 
 
 Coffee fresh roasted, and not fried in tallow, 
 
 And piece my pipe (nor GUILFORD lights a longer), 
 
 Charg'd with El Cham, f and spiced with wood of aloe ; 
 
 So like an old magician, in a murky 
 
 Smother of smoke, transport myself to Turkey. 
 
 VII. 
 
 No common jokes I heed or friends who bring 'em, 
 
 Such as, / have not room to swing a Cat : 
 
 I recollect I never want to swing 'em, 
 
 And then the poison'd dart falls blunt and flat. 
 
 The worst I do by them, as stories say, 
 
 Is give them pepper on a rainy day. J 
 
 * See Dr. Darwin's Botanic Garden for the gender of digestion, 
 f A species of Syrian tobacco. 
 
 J Administered in sandwiches with a small bimus of beef. It pro- 
 duces slight galvanick effects.
 
 42 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto HI. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 I shun whatever causes bile or vapours ; 
 
 Upon one level runs my lazy life ; 
 
 I hear not of the stocks, and read no papers, 
 
 And vote ambition, but a name for strife. 
 
 Yet rise one point above mere passive pleasure ; 
 
 For here I mooncalf, mooncalf without measure. 
 
 IX. 
 
 " But what is mooncalf?" a strange voice may cry. 
 
 I answer, mooncalf's easy contemplation, 
 
 Or vacant action : lose no time, but try, 
 
 You'll find it a delightful recreation. 
 
 But definition, though precise and ample, 
 
 Is dark, without the daylight of example. 
 
 X. 
 
 Berni illustrates it, in maddest measure. 
 
 He tells you, he was penn'd up with a parcel 
 
 Of Lords and Ladies, and some fays of pleasure, 
 
 In what may be entitled Lazy Castle : 
 
 All guests an amorous fairy ran to earth 
 
 And bagg'd, to make her prison'd gallant mirth.
 
 Canto ///. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 43 
 
 XI. 
 
 While these their time in feasts and feeling fleeted, 
 
 He (for all had their will) bade make a bed, 
 
 Spacious, and comfortable, and well sheeted 5 
 
 A table by its side : and thus he fed, 
 
 And slept by turns. Another was possess'd 
 
 By a congenial and well natur'd guest. 
 
 XII. 
 
 Nor lack'd they matter for their waking dreams : 
 One pleasure was to lie upon their back, 
 To lie at gaze, and count the ceiling beams, 
 And mark in which was nail-hole, flaw, or crack ; 
 And which worm-eaten were, and which were sound ; 
 And if the total sum was odd or round. 
 
 XIII. 
 
 Then, when they had for somewhile slept and eat, 
 The one perhaps would stretch himself, and say, 
 " D'ye hear those fools above ? they're needs well met; 
 " I mean those rogues and whores who dance the hay." 
 With that the friend would cease awhile to chew, 
 Yawn down his soup, and say " I thi . . nk so too."
 
 44 THE COURT OK BKASTS. Canto HI. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 But other mooncalf 's mine : By Chewton's dingle 
 Or Hordle's cliff, where peevish sea-fowl screech, 
 I love to pace the solitary shingle, 
 What time tall breakers tumble on the beach, 
 Without a book or thought : such rolling base 
 Fills all my mind, and serves me in their place. 
 
 XV. 
 
 More picturesquely rapt, I sometimes range 
 And see the mighty stage of ocean clear'd, 
 As nature were preparing for a change ; 
 Mark the beavh'd buss and fish-boat homeward steer'd, 
 And listen in the distant din and bluster 
 To th' elements in arms, their march and muster ; 
 
 XVI. 
 
 See Solent * tossing in distemper'd sleep, 
 Breathe hard and long, his bosom heaving slow, 
 Save where to shore the curling waters creep, 
 There work and whiten, though no tempest blow, 
 While hatching secret mischief, like a spy, 
 Th' uusettl'd wind veer* restless round the sky. 
 
 * The Solent, or Solent-sea, is the channel between the Isle of 
 Wight and maintain!.
 
 Canto III. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 45 
 
 XVII. 
 
 Last, from the south forth sallying, sweeps along 
 The billows, mixing seas and skies together. 
 I muse meantime, and mutter from old song 
 Such snatches, as best sort with the wild weather : 
 Until, self-fool'd, I almost think my lore 
 " Hath set the troubled waters in a roar." 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 Then seek my cell and books, and trim my hearth, 
 And call to Caliban, to fetch in firing, 
 A crack-brain'd knave, that often makes me mirth : 
 But when stern Winter, from our seas retiring, 
 " Hath broke his leading staff," I play no more 
 At Prospero, upon the sea-beat shore : 
 
 XIX. 
 
 But give my fountain vent, and set it spouting, 
 Or scheme a freeze for some exotic's tub ; 
 Or measure myrtles, which persist in sprouting 
 Without a sun, or murder obvious grub ; 
 Or heat and hammer some reluctant rhyme j 
 And so 'mid nothings fleet away my time.
 
 46 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto III. 
 
 XX. 
 
 But I must mooncalf make and talk, alas ! 
 While my great work, my Bestiad, stands still, 
 And my much suffering brutes are out at grass, 
 And, what is worse, my Lion-King is ill. 
 I cannot name his ill ; the signs are various : 
 I only know his state is most precarious. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 But Pidcock says, our Lions and our Apes 
 (Whether they live at ease in town, or tramp) 
 Victims of scrofula, in various shapes, 
 Die of March-winds or of November-damp. 
 Then who can hope a ruthless clime to brave, 
 Wliere Ape and Lion find a kindred grave ? 
 
 XXII. 
 
 Trumpets, sound " Boots and Saddle, fold your cloaks," 
 And guards, convey your King to Summer's seat ! 
 Where no perpetual drizzle drives or soaks, 
 Where skies are blue, and suns lend light and heat, 
 Lend all things quicker life, and brighter dyes : 
 Your northern glow-worm creeps, your southern flies. * 
 
 * The lucciola, or fire-fly.
 
 Canto III. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 47 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 But hold, I doat. For Lion, born at Soffala, 
 And bred in London, Pisa may be saving ; 
 But for my Eastern Lion, with his scrofula, 
 'I'd leave Thibet, for Naples, would be raving. 
 So he, lost Monster ! howsoe'er I sigh at 
 His fate, had better die at home in quiet. 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 The answer to inquiries, made by letter, 
 
 By such as could presume to write to the Queen, 
 
 Was that his Majesty ivas getting better; 
 
 Such was the sum of every bulletin, 
 
 I never knew what remedies were tried ; 
 
 But he kept getting better till he died. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 For die he did ; and now all beasts discover 
 Their loss, and him their friend and father dub : 
 They find cold comfort in the Regent Mother, 
 And can presume poor promise in the cub. 
 And this, expos'd to public notoriety 
 A fact we often witness in society.
 
 48 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Cunt,> III. 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 You'll see a Man and Woman pair'd in marriage, 
 Belov'd by many, and by all esteem'd, 
 For morals, manners, and becoming carriage : 
 The husband dead, the widow, who was deem'd 
 A paragon of worth, releas'd from rule, 
 Shews herself what she was, a rampant fool. 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 As little was the Lioness suspected 
 
 For what she was, until the Lion died : 
 
 Then she broke out at score, and stood detected, 
 
 A hash of malice, and caprice, and pride. 
 
 She forthwith to her councils call'd the Fox, 
 
 Who lin'd his party with the Ass and Ox. 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 Women are wondrous creatures in their way ; 
 
 I like them both in muslin and in mercery. 
 
 They're Kittens when they sheath their claws and play, 
 
 Nymphs for the nonce, and Angels in the nursery : 
 
 But they were never meant to rule their betters ; 
 
 And are too nice and clean to play with Letters.
 
 Canto III. T1IK COl'RT OK BEASTS. 49 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 And bating such as class in the division 
 
 Of the She-Lion bating gross defects, 
 
 One general want, the absence of precision, 
 
 For grave affairs disqualifies the sex. 
 
 One test will try them, rob'd in silk or russet ; 
 
 Ask them the difference betwixt gore and gusset. 
 
 XXX. 
 
 They're all agreed, and each the figures traces, 
 
 And tells you one 's a gusset, one 's a gore, 
 
 But when you come to facts and stating cases, 
 
 You'll find you are no wiser than before. 
 
 Hence bid them name the thing that links the skirts, 
 
 Exempli gratia, both of shifts and shirts ! 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 As for the keystone which suspends the sleeves, 
 
 That piece of female masonry 's decided ; 
 
 But for the tail-piece which unites two leaves, 
 
 On this the world of women is divided : 
 
 The point propos'd, I hear a group discuss it, 
 
 " Oh ! that's a gore." " No, Gertrude, that's a gusset. 
 
 E
 
 50 THE COURT OF BEASTS. ((///. 
 
 XXXII. 
 
 If this breed doubt and discord in a sessional 
 
 Circle of women if they're all abroad 
 
 Upon a point, which may be deem'd professional, 
 
 How would you have them play at Empress Maude ? 
 
 Or loosen knots, which ask the eyes of Paley ? 
 
 We've ten Anne Sewards where we've one Miss Baillie. 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 But to my tale ; there was a current notion, 
 (An after page will shew, if held with reason) 
 That the Fox ow'd his eminent promotion 
 To aiding and abetting foulest treason. 
 Thus much is certain ; that he was instated 
 Minister, whencesoe'er his fortune dated. 
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 But how dismiss the Lion's friend with honour ? 
 The Court was at a loss not so the Cat ; 
 She took the graceless embassy upon her, 
 And would have borne it brutally ; but that 
 The Queen, more kind or cautious, sent the Dog 
 The decoration of the chain and clog.
 
 Canto III. TIIK COURT OF BKASTS. 51 
 
 XXXV. 
 
 Hence Fleece, Annunciation, Garter, Thistle, 
 And Europe's various decorations date. 
 The Dog was not a child, who for a whistle 
 And coral will renounce its noisy hate : 
 Yet he put on the chain. The Faction say, 
 'Twas a surprise, and worn but for a day. 
 
 XXXVI. 
 
 The fact is, that whatever face he carri'd, 
 
 He felt his deep misfortune, like a Dog ; * 
 
 All day, in a secluded cavern tarri'd, 
 
 And tore with alter'd mind his chain and clog. 
 
 Then sought the woods, at eve, and all the night 
 
 Sate on his tail, and bay'd the moon, for spite. 
 
 XXXVII. 
 
 When lo ! before him stood the Lion's spectre, 
 Where the full sheet of silvery moonshine fell ; 
 Not more confest appear'd the ghost of Hector 
 When Troy- town blaz'd, as ancient records tell. 
 " Hear," he exclaim'd, " my lamentable story 
 " Hear, and revenge, if yet alive to glory. 
 
 * " But I must also feel them as a man."
 
 52 TIIK iOIRT OK BKASTS. Canto 111. 
 
 XXXVIII. 
 
 " Me the curst Queen and Fox depriv'd of light ; 
 
 " Thee, from 'their council,' the proud pair have banish'd; 
 
 " Is this a tune to bark, when thou should'st bite ? 
 
 " My wrongs are thine." The vision roar'd and vanish'd. 
 
 The Dog had sunk into unmeaning sadness ; 
 
 But the fierce phantom mov'd his blood to madness. 
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 The Elephant led this while, as was reported, 
 A sort of As-you-like-it life i' the wood ; 
 And thither some caballing beasts resorted, 
 But these, at first, were mostly of his blood ; 
 Tapir or Mamoth, whose extinguish'd kind 
 Wakes the brief wonder of the Tuscan hind, 
 
 XL. 
 
 In that glad vale, where gentle Arno flows, 
 
 Of him -baptiz'd, Arno, who mocks at rushes, 
 
 And gaily twines his temples, as he goes, 
 
 With wheaten- wreath, thro' which the red grape blushes. 
 
 And fondly lingers, as he lov'd to hear 
 
 Arezzo's harvest-home, and vintage-cheer.
 
 (.'.i;iM III. THE COURT OF BRAST8. 53 
 
 XLI. 
 
 And hears, before those sounds have died away, 
 The creaking wains again, the tipsy laughter, 
 And song, that bursts from farm at fall of day ; 
 Sees the gay dance renew'd, and roof and rafter 
 (For Musick in this clime beats time to Labour) 
 Reel to the raving pipes and rattling tabor. * 
 
 XLII. 
 
 " Reel to the raving pipes" and all the rest 
 I think is good ; and all came all together : 
 And set against ideas ready-drest, 
 Your critic's censure weighs not for a feather. 
 " These and St. George to boot," with rhyme and rattle ! 
 Cousin of Whistlecraft, how stands our battle ? f 
 
 XLIII. 
 
 Let Scottish loons lay on, and thresh and thump, 
 And for our nights as brain-sick fancies brand 'em ; 
 I like such thoughts as come, hop, step, and a jump, 
 And pass so quick you scarce can understand 'em. 
 They please me as a misty landscape pleases, 
 Provided that it neither rains nor freezes. 
 
 * The Tuscan peasantry, except in the immediate neighbourhood 
 of Florence, usually dance to the bagpipe. The second wheat-harvest 
 follows close upon the vintage jn the Val ifArno. 
 
 f See Henry IV. part 2.
 
 54 TIIK COURT OF BEAST*. Canto 111. 
 
 XLIV. 
 
 J'esides, 1 like to let my pinnace drive, 
 Sure she can wear, although she may not tack ; 
 In the bold hope that if I'm left alive, 
 Some friendly wind or wave may w;ift me back. 
 Where was I, though, before this burst irrelevant ? 
 I recollect : I left off at the Elephant. 
 
 XLV. 
 
 To the Elephant, besides friends of affinity, 
 
 A fresh accession, in his exile grew, 
 
 Uninfluenc'd by love or consanguinity : 
 
 A numerous and ill-assorted crew, 
 
 Whom the queen's tyranny compell'd to roam, 
 
 And seek revenge, or refuge far from home. 
 
 XLVI. 
 
 And every day still brought a fresh addition ; 
 And now they peopled a long range of caverns : 
 In these they form'd a club, and brew'd sedition, 
 As whigs and democrats do here in taverns. 
 All (what is rare) in the good cause were heart \ , 
 And wanted but a head-piece to the party.
 
 Canto III. THK COURT OF BEASTS. 55 
 
 XLVII. 
 
 The Elephant indeed was first o' the faction, 
 Now clubbists call'd ; but was a chief for form : 
 They lack'd another beast, for real action ; 
 ' To ride the whirlwind and direct the storm.' 
 The Dog was still their hope, the Dog their own, 
 They laugh'd to scorn the phalanx of the throne. 
 
 XLVIII. 
 
 The Dog and Elephant alone seem'd shy ; 
 But common partizans procur'd a meeting ; 
 And there they lay'd their differences by ; 
 And the spectators of their friendly greeting 
 Believ'd that they beheld in it a sign 
 And pledge of ruin to the Lion line. 
 
 XLIX. 
 
 And next the Tiger join'd, who was rejected 
 
 As King, when beasts knew not what they'd be at 
 
 (Though such a charge both candidates affected) 
 
 Rejected on the ground he was a cat. 
 
 Such instances are found in every clime ; 
 
 But I can't stay to screw them into rhyme.
 
 5<j THE COUKT OF BEASTS. i'tintu HI. 
 
 L. 
 
 The Lion King, by means of conciliation, 
 Had almost made the savage brute his friend > 
 Asking his voice as one of the administration, 
 Giving him place and pension without end : 
 But the Queen Regent, of her proper malice, 
 By childish insult drove him from the palace. 
 
 LI. 
 
 The Dog, in truth, had little satisfaction ; 
 
 The rest all transport, at the beast's arrival ; 
 
 The Dog perceiv'd his influence with the faction, 
 
 And fear'd in him a formidable rival. 
 
 Meantime he feign'd to feel the general glee ; 
 
 And gave his health, that day, with three times three. 
 
 LII. 
 
 Besides, he'd other reason for vexation : 
 Thinking himself the founder of his race, 
 He ween'd the universal canine nation 
 Must follow, and stand by him in disgrace. 
 Alas ! the thanes fell from him by the dozen ; 
 Foremost and first of these his whisker'd cousin-
 
 Cantv HI. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 57 
 
 LIII. 
 
 The Dog, who thought himself a second Daniel, 
 And to his soul had laid more flattering unction, 
 Now found himself deceiv'd, in pug and spaniel ; 
 But, when he thought upon the noble function 
 He had bestow'd upon the faithless Poodle, 
 He recogniz'd himself a very Foodie. * 
 
 LIV. 
 
 Yet all were not so base ; the gallant Terrier, 
 The Mastiff, Sheep-dog, Bull-dog, were true-blue : 
 The base seceders were the Grey-hound, Harrier, 
 Pug, Pomeranian, and Bologna crew ; 
 The race, baptiz'd of England's banish'd royalty, 
 And those of Malta, shame to knightly loyalty ! 
 
 LV. 
 
 The club mean while no certain form had taken ; 
 But both its members and its institutions 
 Were such, and spoke so plainly, as to waken 
 The Fox's fears, and prompt his resolutions : 
 And he proclaim'd the bestial throne in danger ; 
 And out-law'd civil foes from rack and manger. 
 
 * ' Foodie, a courtier out of place,' Dramatis persona of Tom 
 Thumb.
 
 58 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto HI. 
 
 LVI. 
 
 All this was brutum fulmen, but 'twas back'd 
 
 By real force : so he his troops collected. 
 
 The army in a trice was fit to act, 
 
 And hop'd to take the field, before expected. 
 
 Their manifesto much what Kings employ, 
 
 Their orders to " take, burn, s/ink," * and destroy. 
 
 * See the succeeding Canto.
 
 THE 
 
 COURT OF BEASTS. 
 
 CANTO IV.
 
 61 
 
 CANTO IV. 
 
 How to choose generals the Mule's nomination 
 By the Queen Regent mighty jn-eparation 
 And outset thoughts on royal education 
 The Fox's treacherous scheme against the Foodie 
 Confederates an embassy by Poodle 
 His propositions by his cousin scouted 
 Mulejlghts the dogocrats humbugg'd, and routed- 
 The treason-plotting Fox, a new train laid, 
 Outwitted by the wily Dog, and paid 
 In his own coin The Babiroussajlay'd. 
 
 TO HENRY HALLAM. 
 I. 
 
 DEAR HALLAM, lest this opening should alarm ye, 
 'Tis but to bid you (now your book is brew'd 5) 
 Leave Exarchs, Counts, and Condottieri d'armi, 
 And hear about my beasts, their field and feud. 
 Perhaps 'twill pay your pains, and you may crib a line 
 Will bear on Blacks and Whites, and Guclfand Ghibelline.
 
 62 TIIK COURT OF BEASTS. Canto IV. 
 
 II. 
 
 An old receipt, though here some time laid by, 
 
 In the Lion's royal Cookery-books still told ; 
 
 How TO CHOOSE GENERALS "Choose them old and dry, 
 
 (Some think they cannot be too dry and old ; ) 
 
 The deaf and doltish, and those givn to sleeping 
 
 Are best Take notice, they're no worse for keeping." 
 
 III. 
 
 The Fox, howe'er, was searching for a wonder, 
 A portent that's but lately been discover'd : 
 A cross of Fabius' cloud and Scipio's thunder : 
 A thing which on the mountain's summit hover'd ; 
 In its capacious womb dire matter brewing, 
 Or burst upon the plain in hideous ruin. 
 
 IV. 
 
 We've seen the cloud upon the mountain top, 
 We've seen the meteor move against the wind, 
 We've seen the lightning flash, and thunder drop, 
 What time the storm roll'd northward from behind 
 Where but I see your middle-agish mien, 
 And hear you cry, " Damn all that thou hast seen." * 
 * Sec Tom Thumb.
 
 Canto IV. TUB COURT OF BEASTS. 63 
 
 V. 
 
 A meteorick beast was out of question, 
 The Ass for commandant propos'd the Mule ; 
 And he was taken at his friend's suggestion, 
 For the grave Ass was still the other's tool : 
 And the Queen Regent, to the mover partial, 
 Nam'd, at a word, his cousin Mule Field-marshal. 
 
 VI. 
 
 Meantime the Fox had hatch'd an underplot : 
 The Dog, he knew, was soul of operations ; 
 And he conceiv'd advantage might be got, 
 By sifting out his secret inclinations 5 
 So bid the Poodle, fam'd for circumvention, 
 Flatter him, and discover his intention. 
 
 VII. 
 
 Besides that the Ex-premier might be flatter' d, 
 And into the expectant halter run, 
 Or, if that fail'd, divisions might be scatter'd ; 
 The world at least would think that Fox had done 
 His best, to make war's furious horrors cease, 
 And the conflicting Beastdom mix in peace.
 
 64 THK COl KT OF I>.K.A-f> C<inl,<ll' 
 
 VIII. 
 
 The chamberlain commission'd an Italian 
 Greyhound, to see the Dog, and fix a meeting ; 
 A courier whom he set a special value on. 
 The Dog assign'd the rendez-vous, secreting 
 Two unsuspected beasts, for more security, 
 Who, with the rest, might witness to his purity. 
 
 IX. 
 
 The Poodle found the Dog beneath a Pine, 
 Whose airy top appear'd a verdant cloud : * 
 Perhaps some Claude suggested the design, 
 (And some such picture I have seen at Stroud) 
 For though he curs'd effect, and seem'd above it, 
 I know few men or beasts who do not love it. 
 
 X. 
 
 He guess'd the Poodle's mission, knew the party ; 
 Met him, with visage of congratulation ; 
 Saluted him with welcome, frank and hearty ; 
 Lifted his leg, and made the first libation. 
 The Poodle, tho' a courtier, was affected 
 To tears, by a reception unexpected. 
 
 * The Pinus piuea or Stone-pine. Joseph Ban/,*, A'.C.C.
 
 Canto IT. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 65 
 
 XI. 
 
 The Dog " What news from court ? what's stirring 
 " Are vice and folly order of the day ? [there ? 
 
 " How do th' ambitious Queen and Junto fare ? 
 " How goes it with the Cat ? demure or gay ? 
 " The Bear, half-witted cub, and humdrum Ox ? 
 " The posture-making Ape, and rascal Fox ?" 
 
 XII. 
 
 " But tell me, Poodle, what's your present motion ? 
 " On what fools' errand has the Regent sent you ?" 
 To him, the Chamberlain, " My known devotion 
 " Warrants, that I've no scheme to circumvent you. 
 " I come the bearer of the Regent's grace : 
 " It rests with you her bounty to embrace." 
 
 XIII. 
 
 The Dog : " You have full powers ?" The press'd 
 
 Polonius : 
 
 " If not full pow'rs, I have what does as well." 
 The Dog : " No, Sir ; you're come with views felonious ; 
 " A spy upon our motions, a poor tell- 
 " Tale scurvy cur : is this your paltry trick ? 
 " Off, Sir, or worse may follow There's your stick." 
 
 F
 
 G6 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto U'. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 Our Envoy, who had studied diplomatick 
 
 Arts from an ancient serpent, cringes courteous, 
 
 Bows, wreathed smiles, and air and phrase dramatick, 
 
 Driv'n from his reptile course oblique and tortuous, 
 
 Found himself pos'd, and taken all aback 
 
 By one straight-forward, unprepar'd attack. 
 
 XV. 
 
 Since poodle-policy was no preservative, 
 Sir Reynard plann'd no more mystifications : 
 War was the only, was the dread, alternative. 
 The Mule was bid to haste his preparations ; 
 He wanted but his battering guns and mortars ; 
 These sent, he march'd his army out of quarters. 
 
 XVI. 
 
 And he advanc'd with courage, loudly boasting 
 He'd smoke the wretched clubbists in their caves ; 
 Or, had they not the pluck to bide a roasting, 
 Would to his mistress' feet conduct the slaves. 
 But sent, that he might miss no point of form, 
 The Goat, with flag of truce, before the storm :
 
 Canto IV. THK COURT OF BEASTS. 67 
 
 XVII. 
 
 Who bade the chiefs surrender at discretion. 
 
 Judge how the clubbists took the fool's bravado ! 
 
 They, being of all outlets in possession, 
 
 That very midnight made a camisado ; 
 
 Beat up, with yelp and yell, the Mule's head-quarter, 
 
 And fill'd the Lion-lines with sack and slaughter. 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 The Mule, escap'd the havock, sought the palace, 
 
 And to the Queen so shap'd his lying story, 
 
 That he reap'd praise, where he deserv'd the gallows : 
 
 The rout was an accession to his glory. 
 
 The loud gazettes forth trumpeted his name, 
 
 And the Ass triumph'd in reflected fame. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 'Tis here some scholiasts an opinion venture 
 
 (But I believe the Ass lack'd no such help) 
 
 That he through mulish interest was made Mentor, 
 
 Or lay-preceptor to the Lion whelp : 
 
 But in all states, whatever their description, 
 
 Such office is an Ass's by prescription. 
 
 F2
 
 68 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto IV, 
 
 XX. 
 
 This usage, at first sight, is not consoling; 
 But we proceed on a false supposition : 
 We think (but think a lie like Uncle Bowling) 
 The end *s to mould a prince to his condition : 
 Whereas 'tis not to form him to fulfil 
 A people's wishes, but a parent's will. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 Therefore the first great object is to muddy 
 His brains, lest knowledge lead into temptation ; 
 Or else engage him in some useless study, 
 (No matter how it suit his situation) 
 Which may absorb his wits, if he has got any. 
 'Twos thus a prince of Naples was taught botany. 
 
 XXII. 
 
 Of such an end could such a science miss ? 
 
 For sure there is none other but conchology, 
 
 That is so mere a cut de sac as this : 
 
 But th' Ass, who nothing knew, which ends in ohgy, 
 
 Believing musick the best base to raise on, 
 
 Tun'd the whelp's roar to donkey-diapason.
 
 Canto IV. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 69 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 And so he learn'd to bray by fifths and thirds, 
 And chatter, with the Parrot's good assistance ; 
 A linguist of repute among the birds, 
 Whom the Queen Regent sent for from a distance. 
 Six monkey-pages form'd his relaxation, 
 Call'd, kick'd, and cuff'd, according to occasion. 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 And the considerate Tutor, not to scare 
 His pupil with ill-understood austerity, 
 Would, now and then, in secret, bring a hare, 
 Which the whelp flay'd with marvellous dexterity, 
 Flay'd piping hot, and never broke the skin. 
 So children peel whole walnuts with a pin. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 Meantime the Fox felt deeply the disaster 
 Of Marshal Mule, although the Ass's doing : 
 But hatch'd his wily brains, and like a master, 
 Schem'd, at a single stroke, the rebels' ruin. 
 Fair play 's a jewel ; but fair play 's uncertain, 
 And treachery 's to all plots a useful curtain.
 
 7O THE COURT OF BKASTS. Canto 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 Hence the Baboon was sent with propositions 
 That either side should name plenipotentiaries 
 Who should definitively frame conditions : 
 Not like our envoys fixt and residentiaries ; 
 But, pro hac vice, nam'd by club and court. 
 Sir Reynard cast to cut their sittings short. 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 His plan was, with an ambush'd troop to force 
 The congress in divan, to seize and strangle 
 The chiefs, and, faction stifled at its source, 
 The undistinguish'd herd to spare, or mangle 
 Hereafter, as accounted most expedient ; 
 Supposing them repentant and obedient. 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 The bait had taken, both with weak and witty, 
 But for the sage precaution of the Dog, 
 Who mov'd its reference to a close committee, 
 And for its chairman nam'd his tool the Hog. 
 Observing, it was not a subject, fitting 
 For the mixt passions of a general sitting.
 
 Canto IV. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 71 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 His audience pack'd, he thus address'd the chair : 
 
 " My Beasts," he said, " methinks it lacks small cunning, 
 
 " To see the wily Fox's secret snare : 
 
 " Into this net, with heedless hurry, running, 
 
 " (As to all frauds that rascal courtier stoops) 
 
 " My life ! ye die his voluntary dupes. 
 
 XXX. 
 
 " Yet would not I, to honour's call a stranger, 
 " In others' eyes my well-earn'd fame disgrace, 
 " Shunning what no one but myself thinks danger, 
 " The last in valour, as thejirst in place; 
 " As Pope's Sarpedon says ; but I would steer 
 " A course remov'd from rashness and from fear. 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 " Name your ambassadors, and I'll make one : 
 " Let these be by a secret troop attended ; 
 " And at their charge the royalists will run, 
 " Who trust to find our envoys undefended." 
 The motions were by various beasts supported, 
 Read from the chair, put. carri'd and reported.
 
 7*2 TIIK COURT OF BEASTS. Canto IV. 
 
 XXXII. 
 
 The Hog is on his legs ; each resolution 
 Takes with the House as much as the Committee. 
 Suppose the project put in execution, 
 And envoys on their journey to the city ; 
 Suppose the base attack the Dog misdoubted j 
 Suppose the Royalists repuls'd and routed. 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 The Lion court, who dreamt not of defeat, 
 Had gone to see the spectacle with glasses, 
 As people go to sights, to see and eat. 
 The Regent Mother went herself, the Ass's 
 Pupil, the Ass himself of course, the Fox, 
 The Blue Baboon, Cat, Poodle-dog, and Ox. 
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 And these were serv'd, according to the fashion, 
 
 By monkeys, with refreshments, fruits and ices. 
 
 But heavens ! how paint the moody Regent's passion ! 
 
 The victim of the Fox's false advices : 
 
 She would have rush'd the royal troops to rally, 
 
 But that the duteous Ass repress'd the sally.
 
 Canto IV. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 73 
 
 XXXV. 
 
 Mean time the Fox attributed to treason 
 
 The dire discomfit of the royal squad ; 
 
 And many beasts believ'd that he had reason. 
 
 At all events a scape-goat must be had. 
 
 Besides there ran a popular report, 
 
 A fixt belief, the Dog had friends at court. 
 
 XXXVI. 
 
 A beast nam'd Babiroussa, liv'd i' the palace, 
 
 A prince in spirit, but in form a hog ; 
 
 Who was forthwith selected for the gallows, 
 
 As owing obligations to the Dog. 
 
 His death (besides he'd some obnoxious merits) 
 
 Was settled, to keep up the people's spirits. 
 
 XXXVII. 
 
 Accus'd, indicted, tried, his condemnation 
 Follow'd of course, the judges all agreeing 
 (In spite of a pathetic peroration) 
 In their award of death, the manner fleeing. 
 Judge the Cub's joy, who hop'd to have the job, 
 And earn the just applauses of the mob !
 
 74 THE COURT OF BEASTS. C.nto II'. 
 
 XXXVIII. 
 
 But' this was by the Regent disapproval ; 
 The Fox confirm'd her in the resolution, 
 And for the morning, ere his Cubship mov'd, 
 Appointed Babiroussa's execution. 
 The Queen, though she the Whelp's desire resisted, 
 With all her courtiers, at the scene assisted. 
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 And now she tax'd her subject beasts for treasure ; 
 
 And the Fox schem'd a million of resources, 
 
 To fill her army to its ancient measure, 
 
 Such, as before it met the rebel forces. 
 
 Whilst the Court, grac'd by two illustrious strangers, 
 
 Dissolv'd itself in joy, and laugh'd at dangers. 
 
 XL. 
 
 But of dull things the dullest is festivity, 
 
 With change of dance, chalk'd floor, and chandeliers 
 
 Tormenting, with tyrannical activity, 
 
 Our unprotected eyes and passive ears. 
 
 Such is th' ensuing scene, whose foppish foolery 
 
 Requires fresh strength and renovated drollery.
 
 THE 
 
 COURT OF BEASTS. 
 
 CANTO V.
 
 77 
 
 CANTO V. 
 
 Thoughts upon inns, and table memoranda 
 Smok'd mutton chops, and Sorrows of Amanda 
 Of foreign travel with our own contrasted 
 By one sad, silly slip wise prospects blasted 
 Fox jealous rifthe Peacock dirty measures 
 Against the Birds A Queen and courtiers' pleasures 
 TAe scene enliven'd by a Baboon's presence 
 His science is huzza' d by peers and peasants 
 Those who cried up the Beast, conspire to vex it 
 Its sense of such ill usage rage and exit. 
 
 TO BARTHOLOMEW FRERE. 
 SEC. OF EMBASSY TO THE SUBLIME PORTE. 
 
 I. 
 
 DEAR Friend, I've left old Ocean's changeful scene, 
 
 And am advanc'd thus far upon my journey. 
 
 What and no further yet than Murril Green ? 
 
 There's no short hand, for travel, writ by Gurney. 
 
 Besides, I tilburize; and, for my steed, 
 
 I draw not lightly on his wind and speed.
 
 78 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Cawlo I'. 
 
 II. 
 
 Now, welcome cheer of inns, smok'd mutton-chops ! 
 With neither soup nor broth, to make them way ! 
 Oh ! for one grateful mess of cooling slops ! 
 One cheerful evening, and one quiet day ! 
 But I must back to roads and ruts to-morrow j 
 Mine evening's sad resource " Amanda's Sorrow." 
 
 III. 
 
 But does not foreign food and travel startle ? 
 To swelter in a climate like Antigua, 
 And pant, as we have done for days, dear Bartle, 
 In that Sicilian bug-box, a lettiga 
 Hanging o'er precipices, where to breathe 
 Might almost plunge you in the gulf beneath, 
 
 IV. 
 
 To guest with whisker'd Turk, who tears your mutton 
 With fingers plung'd in pillaw knuckle deep, 
 Then lights his pipe, and does not care a button 
 How many thousands on his cushions creep. 
 Whilst you, in virtue of the Sultan's^r?H, 
 Swill windy lemonade and swarm with vermin
 
 Canto V. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 79 
 
 V. 
 
 Pass we from Turkish to Italian city ! 
 
 You're pester 'd here by a perverse police, 
 
 Or in the mountains baited by banditti. 
 
 The cellar and the board are of a piece. 
 
 And you must fast, or feed on what might gravel 
 
 A Hottentot. So much for foreign travel ! 
 
 VI. 
 
 What's a sea- voyage ? To wage foolish strife 
 
 With winds and waves ; to quake at rocks and shelves. 
 
 Or, from the mere monotony of life, 
 
 To quarrel with our friends and with ourselves, 
 
 To vomit if we try to read or write, 
 
 To dose all day, to swing and swear all night. 
 
 VII. 
 
 Change we our man of war's austere solemnity 
 For the queer hubbub of a foreign bark ? 
 Say, does the gay transition bring indemnity 
 For evils, incidental to such ark ? 
 Such ark as that for which we left the Argo ? 
 Sailing from Agrigentum with a cargo
 
 80 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto I'. 
 
 Yin. 
 
 Of sulphur. Do you recollect the Rabbin ? 
 
 The Buffo, Beasts and Monks ; the nightly rug, 
 
 The daily table, and that air-pump-cabin, 
 
 In whose dark den we've oft outwatch'd the Bug ? * 
 
 Such records make one question the apirov 
 
 Mev vSvag , f which your ancient Greeks insist on. 
 
 IX. 
 
 Much may be said on both sides, as to griefs 
 And goods. The land's variety we miss it j 
 And no man covets cots, or coral reefs. 
 But, on the other hand, we have no visit, 
 No bills to pay, no bills of fare to sit on ; 
 But bills of fare transport me back to Britain. 
 
 X. 
 
 Who knows not what concludes our inn's sad table ? 
 That dreary dish the Lady's Magazine. 
 Where, if you catch an interest in the fable, 
 Some yet more nauseous nonsense comes between, 
 And you're referr'd to " our ensuing number." 
 Then welcome Boots, blest harbinger of slumber ! 
 
 * At the diplomatic suggestion of Mr Frere we sate H[> till the bugs 
 \cre tired of wailing for us. 
 
 f Water is btst. Samuel Goodall.
 
 Canto V. THE COTHT OF BEASTS. 81 
 
 XL 
 
 But I'm a fool to rail at other's trash, 
 When I can hedge and write some stuff myself. 
 So I'll sit down to my unhappy hash ; 
 And lay Amanda's sorrows on the shelf. 
 I'll drink one glass of what they call Marsala, 
 And then we'll go and see the court in gala. 
 
 XII. 
 
 The Fox had plann'd, with Eagle's approbation, 
 To subsidize a corps of birds, well drill'd, 
 Who, in reward of their co-operation, 
 W T ere to receive the bodies of the kill'd. 
 And on a Fowl, arriv'd at court, he reckon'd 
 As one, who might his favourite project second. 
 
 XIII. 
 
 For lately to the Lion-lair resorted 
 
 The Peacock, on a visit to the Parrot. 
 
 By Widow and by Whelp the bird was courted ; 
 
 His tail the talk of drawing-room and garret. 
 
 'Twos settled that the visit to his friend 
 
 Was a pretext, and had a weightier end. 
 
 o
 
 8$ Tfli: I 01 KT OF HI. .' 0>lM I" 
 
 XI V. 
 
 And all indulg'd some silly speculation, 
 And each maintain'd his own with due reliance j 
 ' 'Twas some important point concern'd the nation, 
 Concern'd, perhaps, the Bird and Beast alliance :' 
 With other hints, with more or less of malice. 
 Suffice, he had the entree of the palace. 
 
 XV. 
 
 The Beasts of Court, and of the fields surrounding, 
 Prepar'd themselves to fete the graceful stranger ; 
 (I mean the would-be courtiers) first propounding 
 Their doubts to the blue Baboon, if, without danger, 
 Of blot, they might, on equal footing, treat 
 The Peacock, who'd but two, they who'd four, feet. 
 
 XVI. 
 
 To these the solemn Ape : " The nicest sort-T- 
 
 " Of scutcheons and pretences genealogick 
 
 " Say Birds have not the necessary quarters : 
 
 " But as he 's of the alliance Zoblogick, 
 
 " And more, receiv'd at court, you well may wave 
 
 " Your rights, and these by cautious protest save."
 
 Ctinto I". TIIK COI-KT OK IIKASTS. 
 
 XVII. 
 
 So done ; to put the matter out of doubt, 
 The Ibis, as a bird, was not invited ; 
 The Beaver, as amphibious, was left out : 
 The Peacock 's self was in the Parrot slighted ; 
 The Parrot was not ask'd, his own relation. 
 What insolence ! conceive his indignation ! 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 He went however to the Fox at home, 
 'Twere long to tell the clatter, crowd, and stew, 
 How the Ass sung, as if he'd learn'd at Rome ; 
 And Bear and Monkey danc'd a pas de deux ; 
 Jars, jealousies, intrigues, and feverish fancies, 
 And waltzes, and quadrilles, and country dances. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 The supper done, extemporaneous toasts 
 Were circled to the Bird and Beast-alliance, 
 Full, as is wont, of rash and random boasts, 
 And silly prophecies, and safe defiance. 
 But small encouragement the crested Bird 
 Gave to the Beasts, who to his voice deferr'd.
 
 84 THK COCKT OK 111 \si a Ctinta f. 
 
 XX. 
 
 ' He blaiu'd not Beasts who one another slay ; 
 He knew the ancient saw, that tastes were various ; 
 But that the Birds should mingle in the fray, 
 Its object useless, and its end precarious, 
 Appear'd to him a matter passing wonder.' 
 Short silence follow'd, such as follows thunder. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 And next a whisper circles round the room. 
 Surprise and scorn are seen in every creature. 
 On every snout appears a gathering gloom : 
 But the Fox changes not in look or feature ; 
 With horizontal sweep, and half-shut eyes, 
 He bows about him, and the assembly rise. 
 
 XXII. 
 
 So have I seen some travelling fop, half Charlatan, 
 
 Half Ass, (to speak precisely) of that sort, 
 
 Who write upon their cards, membre de parlement ; 
 
 Invited to a petty Prince's court, 
 
 With some strange speech electrify the table ; 
 
 And live thenceforth the court and ritv's fable.
 
 Canto V. THK COt'BT OK BKASTS. 85 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 The Peacock hud no further invitation : 
 The Bird by all the quadrupeds was voted 
 A dogocrat ; to prove this allegation, 
 Speeches and former anecdotes were quoted. 
 The Peacock, who at home was lov'd and trusted, 
 Hoisted his tail, and sail'd away disgusted. 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 And still the cry of dogocrat wax'd louder : 
 And every beast, who with the Foxites sided, 
 Found this a friend of Cato, that of Chowder : 
 Though, as I said before, Dogs were divided. 
 The feud increas'd, and grew a ground of scission ; 
 And the Birds never Jletv the first division. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 The Peacock gone, there came another guest, 
 A King incog., the theme of general gabble, 
 By acclamations, and by crowds oppress'd, 
 The wonder of the great and little rabble. 
 Sovereign and Autocrat of those half-sunk quays 
 In the Afric sea, stadtholder of the Monkeys.
 
 8<> THK C<H:RT tu BKA- i t'<i/i<> I' 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 The mawkish, inissish and unmeaning gladiu's.--. 
 This Ourang-Outang rais'd in court and city, 
 Was a contagious and increasing madness, 
 And bred the wise man's scorn, the good man's pity 
 The Premier had his views ; the others follovv'd ; 
 And all, in unidea'd chorus, hollow'd. 
 
 N 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 'Twas said, and said with confident reliance, 
 
 That he, at some great dinner, pos'd the Beaver, 
 
 Held peerless in Encyelopedick science, 
 
 In a dispute about the screw and lever. 
 
 The Ladies in the meantime prais'd his sandy 
 
 Whiskers, and nam'd him the Mandingo Dandy, 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 For he, the NETHERSANDS disdaining, added 
 
 MANDINGO to his sway, and climb'd the thronp : 
 
 And now a count, incognito, he gadded. 
 
 The Queen, who hop'd to make the Brute her own, 
 
 Proffer'd him the command of a division, 
 
 Which he declin'd with thanks, but with decision.
 
 CaiUo V. TIIK fOTRT OK BKASTS. 87 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 Yet gratefully receiv'd the Queen's proposal, 
 
 To see, in a brown coat, the last review ; 
 
 And fill'd a booth, that was at her disposal, 
 
 That he might sit above the dust and stew. 
 
 I (since we all have seen such princely shows) 
 
 Pass the Queen's gracious grins, and Monkey's mows. 
 
 XXX. 
 
 I should have told, to make my story plainer, 
 How that the Lion whelp was General made ; 
 And how the Horse was giv'n him for a Trainer, 
 Or dry-nurse, in his new adopted trade ; 
 And how it pleas'd him, whisker 'd like a Saracen, 
 To mimick strut, and air, and tone of garrison. 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 His paltry passion was for swing and swagger, 
 The soldier's bestial oaths and brutal jeering ; 
 For sash and sabre-tache, and sword, and dagger, 
 And cudgelling, and caning, and cashiering. 
 In virtue of his charge, he at this solemn 
 Prelude to war, preceded the first column.
 
 88 TIIK ( Ol'RT OF BEASTS. 
 
 XXXII. 
 
 And now, abreast of the Ourang-Outang's bootli, 
 
 In solemn state, surrounded by his staff, 
 
 He thrust his tongue between his lip and tooth, 
 
 And broke into a brutish, buffoon laugh. 
 
 For very rage, the Monkey Sovereign trembled ; 
 
 But not to make a scene, his wratli dissembled. 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 A courtier too at hand, with quick invention 
 And modest whisper, interpos'd his help ; 
 1 The royal Cub,' he was concern'd to mention, 
 ' Had had convulsive gestures from a whelp.' 
 The Ourang-Outang heard, and gulp'd his gall ; 
 And went that evening to the Regent's ball. 
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 Perhaps the scene his recollection grated ; 
 
 But it was said, that from this very ball, 
 
 Strange discord 'twixt the Queen and Monkey dated, 
 
 And courtiers now abus'd him, one and all. 
 
 The females said he was but a deceiver ; 
 
 The males, that he would fain decoy the Beaver.
 
 (.'auto V, THE COURT OF BKASTS. 89 
 
 XXXV. 
 
 'Twas time to move ; in discontent and dudgeon 
 
 The Ourang-Outang left the Lion-court ; 
 
 Pouch'd some ten dozen walnuts, grasp'd his bludgeon, 
 
 And gain'd, with sev'n leagu'd strides, the destin'd port. 
 
 His crew had hoisted in their stock and stingo : 
 
 So, with three cheers, weigh'd anchor for MANDINGO.
 
 THE 
 
 COUKT OF BEASTS. 
 
 CANTO VI.
 
 CANTO VI. 
 
 The Dandy radical distinction laid 
 Betwixt your Dandy, foreign or home-made 
 The royal General's confidence is dash'd 
 His troops defeated, and the Crown-cub smash' d.- 
 The Queen his body with high honours graces, 
 And. on his tomb a marble lion places; 
 Though she with more propriety had set a calf. 
 A beast of erudition writes his epitaph. 
 
 TO SIR ROBERT AINSLIE, BART. 
 I. 
 
 AINSLIE, don't fear some secret inuendo ; 
 Although dispos'd to wince and look askew. 
 "Pis on the ground of Lucus non lucendo, 
 I dedicate this flight at fools to you. 
 None better sees (tho' tolerant in show) 
 If I strike straight, or hit too high or low.
 
 94 THE COURT OF REASTS. Canto VI. 
 
 II. 
 
 I said, the Lady Brutes baptiz'd the sandy- 
 -Hair'd chief of Monkeys (to describe like Homer) 
 In their court-jargon, the Mandingo Dandy : 
 But this was in effect a gross misnomer : 
 Since the true Dandy, and the foreign fop, 
 Differ, in fruit and flower, as vine and hop. 
 
 III. 
 
 And ours, tho' to his own meridian fitted, 
 Will neither pass at Paris or at Rome ; 
 And this he finds, if once ' removed and flitted ' 
 For something, that won't even do at home. 
 Walk he the world from sun-rise unto sun-down, 
 Your Dandy 's at a discount out of London. 
 
 IV. 
 
 Leave we the Dandies, save the Dandy Lion, 
 Who lately march'd to give the clubbists battle. 
 But first it would be well to play the spy on 
 The rebel ranks ; methinks I hear the rattle 
 Of gong and cymbal, hear the ramp and tramp, 
 And growl and howl, which rises from the camp.
 
 Canto VI. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 95 
 
 V. 
 
 Their army moves, the Tiger in the van 
 With his light troops, a proud and puissant peer ; 
 And next, the Dog, with all his mastiff clan : 
 The ponderous Elephant brings up the rear. 
 But on the Dog all plac'd their main reliance, 
 Chief of the staff, and strong in martial science ; 
 
 VI. 
 
 And every thing which war might grace or second. 
 
 He march'd the column so 'twas unassailable. 
 
 He real generalissimo was reckon'd : 
 
 To his great ends made every thing available : 
 
 For discipline ; his beasts were like a showman's : 
 
 For walls and works ; his camps had sham'd the Romans. 
 
 VII. 
 
 Nor could I here exhibit a more ample 
 Proof than the army's excellent condition ; 
 Nor of his science give a brighter sample 
 Than citing the impregnable position, 
 In which, with due appliances to back him, 
 He dar'd the royal forces to attack him.
 
 9C THE COCRT OF BKA>I-. <>,!] I. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 They came on boldly, and had no conception, 
 That the foe, safe behind his palisado 
 And vallum, was prepar'd for their reception. 
 Then, after brief appearance of bravado, 
 Halted, as 'twere upon the very groundsel, 
 Turn'd tail, encamp'd, look'd wise, and call'd a council. 
 
 IX. 
 
 To this, with sober dignity, the Horse : 
 
 " Who yonder post with half an eye examine, 
 
 " See it is inexpugnable by force. 
 
 " Then trust we, captains, to blockade and famine : 
 
 " Say, were we sure to force yon mountain crost, 
 
 " Is not my mode the safest and the best ?" 
 
 X. 
 
 All beasts appear'd to relish the suggestion, 
 
 From fierce Rhinoceros to feeble Roe ; 
 
 And the big Buffalo roar'd out for question 
 
 In tone, which shew'd which way his vote would go : 
 
 But General Panther drew from his red box 
 
 A paper (here we trace the wily Fox)
 
 Canto VI. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 97 
 
 XI. 
 
 Indors'd, ' The Queen in council's last instruction 
 ' To the Panther, General of her beasts and cattle;' 
 Which, all confess'd, allow'd but one construction : 
 Her orders, at all cost, to risk a battle. 
 'Twas clear, they could not choose but storm, and they 
 Must to it, with what appetite they may. 
 
 XII. 
 
 Meanwhile the Lion Cub was looking wise : 
 But, ever, when he thought that no one saw him, 
 Whisk'd his fuzz'd tail in some old Colonel's eyes, 
 Or, leaning o'er the Ass, would slily claw him. 
 The Horse, who fear'd he'd be the army's fable, 
 In vain kept kicking him beneath the table. 
 
 XIH. 
 
 You'll ask the motive for this solemn meeting, 
 
 With the Cub-prince presiding in the chair, 
 
 When the Chief knew that there was no retreating ? 
 
 It was to give the wild assault the air 
 
 Of being the result of sense deliberate ; 
 
 Not of instructions rash and inconsiderate.
 
 98 TJIK COURT OF BEAST*. CaHla VI. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 The council was scarce over, when a winded 
 Trumpet announced some flag, or envoy sent : 
 The messenger, his eyes with foliage blinded, 
 Was straight conducted to the royal tent ; 
 Where was discover'd, judge the Steed's despair, 
 The Whelp, his pupil, waltzing with the Bear. 
 
 XV. 
 
 He, always blundering and always stupid, 
 
 His head still running on some wretched stuff, 
 
 Imagin'd this extemporary Cupid, 
 
 Dropt from the skies, to play at blindbeast's buff 5 
 
 So, without scruple, slapt him on the bottom, 
 
 And bade him ' catch him if he could, 'od rot him.' 
 
 XVI. 
 
 The Horse, as best he could, excus'd the blunder 
 To the herald, with an air of decent suavity. 
 To one aside the silly Cub knock'd under ; 
 And forcing what he thought, an air of gravity , 
 Burlesquing serious accent and position, 
 Bade the beast-herald speak his proposition.
 
 Canto VI, THE COURT OF BEASTS. 99 
 
 XVII. 
 
 To him the trumpet : " I nor add, nor alter 
 
 " Aught of the Tyger's message : Thinking cruel, 
 
 " And worse than needless, a promiscuous slaughter, 
 
 " He dares the Lioness to deadly duel : 
 
 " Our various Beasts content to rest the cause 
 
 " Of common quarrel on his teeth and claws." 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 The Horse cough'd down the Cub ; and then express'd 
 What all allow' d ' they could not, with decorum, 
 ' Since the cartel was to the Queen address'd 
 ' In person, entertain the thing before 'em.' 
 The messenger, of this resolve instructed, 
 Was to the Regent's palace straight conducted. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 She rav'd, and seem'd resolv'd to meet the foe ; 
 But this was in the first full peal of passion. 
 The Fox persuaded her it was below 
 Her dignity, the Ape, 'twas out of fashion ; 
 And the poor Trumpet, from her presence hurried, 
 Scarce 'scap'd with breath to blow, bit, bay'd and worried. 
 
 ii 2
 
 1OO TIIK <:OL'RT OK BEASTS. Cuiilo >7. 
 
 XX. 
 
 But he escaped alive, and join'd his fellows ; 
 Mean time the truce had been on both sides kept : 
 But now again Bellona blew her bellows, 
 And fann'd the flames of war which lately slept. 
 The Panther form'd his various troop for battle. 
 Hark to his trumpets' roar, and cymbals' rattle ! 
 
 XXI. 
 
 They to the ramparts rush'd, with growl that rent 
 Heav'n's concave, but in mid-career, with sorrow, 
 Found how unscalable the camp's ascent ; 
 How deep the ditch ; and yet they stand, and borrow 
 Some little courage, and they hope some help 
 From presence of their prince, the Lion whelp. 
 
 XXII. 
 
 He, with a chosen troop, upon a height, 
 Survey'd the battle-scene, with idiot wonder, 
 And in his wayward folly, laugh'd outright 
 To see the Elephant now tear asunder, 
 Now fling into the sky, some mangled corse ; 
 And thought it was a matchless tour deforce.
 
 .Canto VI. THE COURT OF BKAST9. 1O1 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 And all on fire, more nearly to behold him, 
 
 Ran tumbling down the hill, through moors and mosses : 
 
 Shaking off Horse and Bull, who sought to hold him j 
 
 Till, ' within wiff and wind of that ' proboscis, 
 
 Ere he could vent expostulating yelp, 
 
 The writhing trunk embrac'd the breathless whelp ; 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 And whirl'd him, stifled, fifty paces high. 
 Conceive his following squadron's consternation ! 
 His troops, who saw him sprawling in the sky, 
 Fled as he squelch'd. I spare you the relation. 
 Two days, through wood or plain, o'er lawn or steep, 
 The rebels chas'd them like a flock of sheep. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 One monster, more considerate, or faster 
 Than his scar'd fellows, ran to find the Regent ; 
 And told her whelp's sad fate and troops' disaster } 
 Those runaways, who lately were assiegant. 
 But she'd no room for secondary trouble : 
 Her Cub capotted, life was but a bubble.
 
 102 THE COURT OF BKASTS. Cauta Y L 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 Yet with the help of rack and salts she righted 
 From this fierce squall of grief and consternation, 
 And met, her counsellors, all pale and frighted, 
 And, tho' scarce compos, made them an oration : 
 They, after speeches, devious, dry, and dark as 
 's, voted to demand the carcase. 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 The Cat and Ape were sent upon the mission ; 
 And tho' proceeding to the rebel lines, 
 Oft stopt, were pass'd on to the advanced position 
 On giving the due growls and countenuhines. 
 (These had been sent : and Jacko in the storm 
 Of orchards had been vers'd in all the form) 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 From the grand guard convey'd to the Colossal 
 Chief, who was hurt, and stood beneath the probe ; 
 And shew'd himself courageous, calm, and docile 
 In pangs, that had provok'd a scream from Job. 
 He bade the Ibis stay his searching beak, 
 And sign'd to the Ape, who hemm'd, prepar'd to speak.
 
 Canto VI. THE COURT OF BEACTS. 103 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 Pug flourish'd about chaos and creation, 
 
 And peace and war, and elemental ferment ; 
 
 And finish'd a discursive peroration, 
 
 By craving the Cub's carcase for interment : 
 
 And offer'd gifts, and ransom to be paid. 
 
 " I war in Beastdom 5 drive no pedlar's trade," * 
 
 XXX.- 
 
 Replied the Chief; and bade produce the carcase. 
 I shall not here the forms of burial swell. 
 Sir Isaac, who, from simple squire to Marquis, 
 Knows every rite, ' had, done, or due,' may tell. 
 I'll only say the Queen found painful pleasure, 
 Augmenting such, when she receiv'd her treasure. 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 Nor here her melancholy fancies stop : 
 She built a tomb of oriental granite, 
 And plac'd a lion rampant on the top : 
 An architect of chaste design did plan it. 
 
 A sort of Doctor P r, a learned monster, 
 
 Compos'd his epitaph, which none could conster. 
 * Gucrrcggio in Asia e non vi canibio o mcrco. TASSO.
 
 THE 
 
 COURT OF BEASTS. 
 
 CANTO VII.
 
 107 
 
 CANTO VII. 
 
 The modern dangers of the Scottish border 
 Cheltenham a greater curse than the disorder 
 For which we're sent to drink her filthy waters 
 The many whoredoms of her sons and daughters 
 Are seen in vision, pic-nics, balls and plays 
 White-hatted men a species their odd ways 
 All morning meetings curst chief of those sad Cupids, 
 Entitled Archers Congress of the Quadrupeds 
 Its composition and its fatal end 
 The hasty picture of a Hindoo friend. 
 
 TO WALTER SCOTT. 
 I. 
 
 DEAR SCOTT, I had a scheme to cross the border, 
 And had, in fancy, swallow'd many a mile ; 
 But then some duct or gland got out of order, 
 And in a thought, I was half swampt with bile : 
 From this account what you will understand is, 
 I had a sharp, tho* short, attack of jaundice.
 
 1O8 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto I'll. 
 
 II. 
 
 And then I thought it argu'd small discretion 
 
 To go, in my weak state, to Ashestiel : 
 
 When for such scheme, one wants the full possession 
 
 Of heart, and health, and strength; and nerves of .-tci-1. 
 
 Troth, I would rather face a Shrapnell-mortar, 
 
 Than drink, and beat the moors, and burn the water. * 
 
 HI. 
 
 But you, you say, are both discreet and sober. 
 Granted ; but if with neighbouring Laird we dine ? 
 Unlike our ancient squire, who brew'd October, 
 He fires your hissing blood with ' blude-red wine,' 
 Which in the stream he means to cool to-morrow, f 
 Transition that had scarcely pleas'd Suwarrow. 
 
 IV. 
 
 But, bating being nail'd to nightly table, 
 I lov'd such pleasures once, in all their shapes, 
 And if not now, the cause is found in fable : 
 'Tis the old story of the Fox and Grapes. 
 Besides, I thought to see thee in thy glory, 
 And greet thee in thy land of song and story. 
 
 * See Guy Mannering. 
 
 f Which with my sword I mean to cool to-morrow.' Shaksptarr*
 
 Canto VII. THE COL'RT OF BEASTS. 109 
 
 V. 
 
 And I'd a scheme, (for fancy still will gambol,) 
 
 To see a college friend I've known long time j 
 
 And plann'd another episodick ramble 
 
 To him, restorer of the Rhunick rhime, 
 
 Who kick'd at Canon-law and fled from pandect, 
 
 In the large love of Danish and Islandick. 
 
 VI. 
 
 I grieve to abandon such a resolution ; 
 
 But, yielding, bless myself it was not worse : 
 
 Pleas'd that my Doctor stay'd the execution 
 
 Of sentence, that might make a hermit curse j 
 
 Severest known, in medicinal law, 
 
 A two month's banishment to Cheltenham Spaw. 
 
 VII. 
 
 A horrid hole, that's never ventilated : 
 
 Where who, that's half a liver left, would be ? 
 
 Where every mawkish folly is concentrated. 
 
 I see fools dining underneath a tree ! 
 
 I see white-hatted men that eat their luncheon 
 
 I' the street, and spit forth cherry-stones in sunshine !
 
 11O THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto VII. 
 
 VIJI. 
 
 Methinks our English Law is inefficient, 
 Which puts down pewterers, by common usance, 
 Since it acts partially ; in this deficient, 
 It does not punish intellectual nuisance. 
 For what's a noise, to people pic-nic eating ? 
 Or melting day, to Archer's monthly meeting ? 
 
 IX. 
 
 Hope we improvement to our gastric juices, 
 Fly we to Chelt'nham to improve our chyle, 
 When these, and fifty yet more barb'rous uses, 
 Might move a man of Oonalashka's bile ? 
 Our Doctors all such points discreetly settle ; 
 And mend our health, as tinkers mend a kettle. 
 
 X. 
 
 But I anticipate more health and pleasure, 
 
 Inhaling the clear Ocean's balmy breath ; 
 
 Besides, I hope uninterrupted leisure, 
 
 And such, that dating from the Crown-cub's death, 
 
 Evading all digression or confusion, 
 
 I may pursue my work to a conclusion.
 
 Canto VIL TUB COURT OP BEASTS. Ill 
 
 XL 
 
 The Lioness, her grief some deal rebated, 
 Had breath to think upon the publick danger : 
 She was, as one might say, well nigh check-mated : 
 But luckily the dogocrats were strangers 
 To her lost state ; or else had secret reason, 
 For halting half-way in successful treason. 
 
 XII. 
 
 The intriguing Dog himself, who knew his strength, 
 
 And felt his fort was less in fight than mobbing, 
 
 Assay'd to spin the warfare into length ; 
 
 In hopes to get a better field for jobbing, 
 
 And spouting, though in woods or desert shores : 
 
 And so both parties lay upon their oars. 
 
 XIII. 
 
 Meantime the Crocodile (such slaughter griev'd it) 
 Offer'd to either side his mediation ; 
 And Lioness and Elephant receiv'd it 
 With pleasure, as it suited their occasion. 
 A Congress was compos'd ; and thither went 
 Embassadors, from Queen and Clubbists sent.
 
 112 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto VII. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 But here I shall not lift the Congress-curtain, 
 For the same reason a forecasting maid * 
 Would not turn to, and lather lace or shirting, 
 Or ply in any wise her wonted trade, 
 Alleging that the world (they trod on tinder) 
 The world, ere drying day, would singe to cinder. 
 
 XV. 
 
 So I, who, Goody-like, hate fruitless labour, 
 And know the bestial world is to be drown' d, 
 
 Somewhat more surely than Cabiri F r 
 
 Cast his conjectures on prophetick ground, 
 
 Shall leave unsung what, like the Bear and Fiddle, 
 
 Begins, but's interrupted in the middle. 
 
 XVI. 
 
 My manuscript the various beasts describes 
 Declaiming, dining, drinking, shifting, trimming ; 
 Dealing in manifestos, lies, and bribes. 
 An after picture represents 'em swimming 
 Before a flood, not fed by common fountains ; 
 Clouds melting ; seas,which climb the topmost mountains . 
 * A newspaper anecdote of the day.
 
 Caillo VII. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 113 
 
 XVII. 
 
 Ye Plutonists unravel me the puzzle ; 
 
 This for first Nature's wreck you can't advance : 
 
 For man not only tvas ; he'd learn'd to muzzle 
 
 The Bear, and (more) had taught the Bear to dance. 
 
 Now you, you pagans, if I'm rightly taught, 
 
 Believe that Man was but an after-thought ; 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 Some small improvement on the Ass and Ox. 
 
 And certainly there are, (and such men pass) 
 
 Who prate of bullion, paper, peace and stocks, 
 
 That ought to be, methinks, turn'd out to grass : 
 
 Yet four-legg'd beasts (although on beasts they border) 
 
 Might think they shed small credit on their order. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 Once more, I say, this knotty problem tackle, 
 This deluge of the Asiatick world : 
 Was it, what in your cant, you call debacle? 
 My manuscript's return'd, dog's-ear'd and curl'd, 
 From those, who, tax'd at explanation, shunn'd it, 
 From London Savant up to Indian Pundit.
 
 114 TUB COURT OF BEASTS. Canto VII. 
 
 XX. 
 
 Here I anticipate well founded stricture 
 From reader, half confounded, and half vext ; 
 " What is your manuscript ? you talk of picture 
 " Of delug'd beasts ; is't picture then or text ?" 
 'Tis both. The painting is not illustration j 
 But, it should seem, continuance of narration. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 But whether this be mystic and symbolical, 
 (Such might be matter for a six hours lecture) 
 Or statement of old facts, plain and historical, 
 
 Both baffles mine and Doctor Y 's conjecture. 
 
 All men may have their various guess, and ground it 
 On something : so I leave it as I found it. 
 
 XXII. 
 
 In one thing, though I mean to be specific ; 
 The mode in which it came in my possession, 
 (Christen it picture, text, or hieroglyphic) 
 Nor so shall risk the charge of indiscretion. 
 Mid many foolish freaks, I'd once the failing 
 To be immoderately fond of sailing.
 
 Canto VII. THE COURT OP BEASTS. 115 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 To second this ; there liv'd near Itchen ferry 
 
 An Englishman, in all but birth Hindoo, 
 
 Who had a cutter-yacht and Portsmouth- wherry : 
 
 Not to be thought a Heathen or Yahoo, 
 
 I' the Fawley troop he bar'd his trusty falchion, 
 
 Like Yeoman true. His yacht was call'd the Halcyon. 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 He to his banker's book, as if his shaster, 
 On rainy days, with close devotion grew ; 
 Or fiddled perseveringly, to master 
 Some restive bar. As our acquaintance grew, 
 With him I westwards sail'd, and many a rill, 
 Sung by Dan Drayton, track'd ' from fall to fill.* 
 
 XXV. 
 
 The Teign, whose sons desert their pleasant houses, 
 And to inhospitable shores repair 
 To fish in foggy seas : meantime their spouses, 
 Not bating, for such toils, of housewife care, 
 Ply the swift needle while they may ; then stoop 
 To their dipt oars, and board the expectant sloop.* 
 
 * They often sit working in their boats till the tide slacks, and 
 then haul for salmon. I, in one instance, saw them board a sloop> 
 and pilot her into the harbour.
 
 116' THK COURT OF BEASTS. Canto VII. 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 The Dart, whose streams through parting mountains 
 
 straggle, 
 
 And form a broken chain of fairy lakes ; 
 The turbid Tamer, proud of old Tintagel, * 
 And that dread dome,f where angry Demon wako 
 Where the dead Wizard in his chair is seated, 
 And too confiding Devil nightly cheated. 
 
 * Tintagel, a castle famous for the residence of King Arthur. See 
 Mart Arthur. 
 
 t Another castle in Cornwall, called, I think, Tinvelly, respecting 
 which there runs the following tradition. An ancient proprietor is 
 said to have sold the reversion of his body and soul to Satan, after 
 burial. The Devil did not object to the equivocal wording of the 
 essential clause: and the dying Necromancer, profiting by it, en- 
 joined that his body should, after death, be secured upright in an 
 arm-chair. The Devil calls for him in vain nightly in a chariot with 
 four black horses, under the influence of a delusion which is always 
 going on. 
 
 Three objections have been urged against this story; first, that the 
 Devil could not be so ignorant of business, as not to detect the 
 trick ; secondly, that he must be entitled to a remedy in a court of 
 equity ; thirdly, that he could scarcely be so careless as not to send 
 his deeds, for examination, to an attorney. I know no satisfactory 
 answer to the first; the answer to the second is plain : a friend of the 
 profession furnishes me with one to the last, observing, that ' though 
 every body knows of the Devil's advocate, no one ever heard of his 
 solicitor.' A fact which, perhaps, makes more than any other in 
 favour of the attorney tribe.
 
 Canto VII. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 117 
 
 XXVH. 
 
 My friend's delight (Bramins such bliss allow) 
 
 Lay in beatitude of contemplation j 
 
 And then 'twas said, that, through a silver cow, 
 
 He underwent Gentoo regeneration. 
 
 His mood no cross was capable of rumpling : 
 
 Besides, he liv'd on tea and apple-dumpling. 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 Such Man had chang'd the savage soul of Scindeah : 
 
 Judge then, as resident, for he abode a 
 
 Long time as such, how he won hearts in India ! 
 
 Lounging, one morning, in an old pagoda, 
 
 And boring facts out of a Bramin crony, 
 
 Priest of the place, who serv'd as Cicerone, 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 He, with a close, imposing air of mystery, 
 
 Conducted him to an interior chapel ; 
 
 And shew'd him, at arm's length, this very history j 
 
 But shew'd it him as a forbidden apple : 
 
 'Twas, after works of faith, and ceaseless suit, 
 
 My persevering friend obtain'd the fruit,
 
 118 THE COURT OF BEASTS. Canto VII. 
 
 XXX. 
 
 And here should come the story of the Cow, 
 Where he, with change of exit, play'd Tom Thumb ; 
 At least I know no other where or how; 
 For, on this point alone my friend is dumb. 
 Perhaps this is (so Priest still deals with layman) 
 Because the Cow escheated to the Bramin. 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 It chanc'd that I, some bilious mischief breeding, 
 
 A plan of diet did with him agree on, 
 
 And had, by odd coincidence, been reading 
 
 That queer and quarto book, call'd Moor's Pantheon j 
 
 And so my friend misdeem'd me, at first view, 
 
 A something like himself, a half Hindoo. 
 
 XXXII. 
 
 And, with the Bramin's solemn air of mystery, 
 Confided to my hands this rare deposit 
 Of Other years, baptize it tale or history, 
 Which I launch into daylight from my closet. 
 The manuscripts are sent to the Museum j 
 Where all who have a mind, may go and see 'em.
 
 Canto VII. THE COURT OF BEASTS. 119 
 
 L'ENFOYE. 
 
 Dear Beasts, you went abroad in small edition ; 
 But whisp'd and wash'd, and curried and rubb'd down, 
 You need not fear a publick exhibition j 
 So leave your caravan and walk the Town. 
 Fear not the critic world, its whelps and worry, 
 And your Polito know in Mister Murray. 
 
 THE END. 
 
 ERRATA. 
 
 Canto II. stanza 50, line last, for vote, read rote. 
 Canto III. stanza 11, line 1, for feeling, read/ooiing.
 
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 PRINTED BY THOMAS DAV1SON,
 
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