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THE 
 
 PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES, 
 
 IX SEARCH OF THE 
 
 NATIONAL! 
 
 PIERCE EGAN, 
 
 AUTHOR OF "LIFE TX LONDON'," "DUBLIN," " LIVEHPOOL ';" ''LIFE OS- 
 AX ACTOR;" "SHOW-FOLKS;" ETC. 
 
 T II E I L LU ST 11 ATI O NS, 
 
 IM-l s I <i NT I), ETOUI' D, VND D R -WV N ON IV O O T), BY 
 
 PIERCE EGAN, THE YOUNGER. 
 
 DEDICATED TO HER MOST GRACIOUS MAJESTY, QUEEN 7 VICTORIA. 
 
 LONDON; 
 \V. STRANGE, 21, PATERNOSTER ROW; 
 
 AM) ALL HOOKSFLLER8. 
 
" STAR PRESS " 
 
 20, Ci 033 -Street, Hatton-Garden, 
 JAMES TURNER. 
 
fO HER MOST EXCELLENT MAJESTY, 
 
 QUEEN VICTORIA. 
 
 MOST GRACIOUS SOVEREIGN, 
 
 If a life of deep experience has enabled me in 
 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES, IN SEARCH OF 
 THE ISATIONAL, to depict scenes, which, at the time they 
 amuse, may instruct the Public ; I may perhaps be pardoned, 
 for most humbly and respectfully, thus inscribing my efforts to 
 your Majesty; who has ever the welfare of your people at 
 heart. 
 
 That LITERATURE, THE FINE ARTS, SCIENCES, &c., may 
 bloom healthily, and brightly, under your Majesty's protection, 
 who, while you foster the more elevated Rose, will not neglect 
 the humble Violet ; that your Majesty may long, very long, 
 reign over a brave and free people, the Mistress of their HEARTS, 
 as you are of a Kingdom, which is MISTRESS OF THE WORLD ; 
 and that in promoting the Peoples' you may secure your own 
 
 happiness, is the sincere wish of, 
 
 
 
 YOUR MAJESTY'S 
 Very humble, and 
 
 Most devoted Servant, 
 
 PIERCE EGAN. 
 
 London, January \st> 1838-. 
 
 803 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 Thoughts on the originality of the subject and truth and facts the leading 
 features of the argument. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 An outline or, rather a pen and ink sketch of PETER MAKEMONEY a 
 
 thorough-bred cockney his obscure origin in early life great rise im- 
 mense luck and experience in society. A retired wealthy citizen, who had 
 filled the offices of Sheriff, Alderman, and Lord Mayor. His observations on 
 men and manners Opinions worth knowing. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 The advantages attached to property ; or win gold and wear it ! MAKEMONEY'S 
 
 spontaneous notions of a Pilgrimage on the BANKS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " Home, sweet Home," against any other air in the history of music ; con- 
 trasted with France, Italy, Switzerland, the Rhine, &c., &c. The Pilgrims 
 MAKEMONEY, FRANK FLOURISH, and JAMES SPRIGHTLY, (otherwise 
 "Young Neverfretl") in search offthe NATIONAL. PETER'S liberal 
 advice to his Nephew, full of pith, and nothing else but orthodox. An outline 
 of "Young Neverfret," scarcely out of his leading strings ; and a sketch of 
 FLOURISH ; quite a character I MAKEMONEY'S admonition to his brother 
 Pilgrims, previous to their starting ' a stitch in time saves nine ' FLOURISH'S 
 opinion against duelling a safe card prevention better than cure A few 
 words in praise of Greenwich Hospital, truly NATIONAL ! 
 
 CHAPTER IV, 
 
 The pleasures of anticipation the Pilgrims preparing to start Who's for Green- 
 wich ? Holiday Folks ! Smiling faces children six feet high pleasure the 
 order of the day ! The Tower recognized as an old land-mark, and the Cus- 
 tom House praised for its magnificence. Lots of Characters on board of the 
 Steamer ! Off she goes The eloquent dealer in Literature (quid pro quo) 
 the luxury of a newspaper. Introduction of TIM BRONZE, without being 
 introduced; a living Vampire and Victim-hunter. Description of the neces- 
 sary CUTS in Society Secrets worth knowing to a Young Man on his 
 entrance into life ! The soi-disant Duchess and her two daughters Generals 
 in petticoats enlisting recruits ! PICTURESQUE DOLEFUL, a tally under- 
 taker, one of the woeful disciples of LAVATER; but a useful personage to 
 ensure a decent finish to the last exit 1 SCAPEGRACE, a dark and terrific 
 oortrait of human nature ; or a man may smile and be a villain. OLD FATHER 
 THAMES in all his glory MAKEMONEY in ecstacy a bit of the NATIONAL ! 
 V sound reply to an Alarmist of the Olden Times ! 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 The Steamer afloat FLOURISH at fault "the amiable " wanting afraid to 
 attack the Duchess DOLEFUL and Coroners' Inquests ; or, the World's End I 
 a hoax A few words more respecting SCAPEGRACE, but not quite ripe for ex- 
 posure. MAKEMONEY delighted his description of the variety seen in a trip 
 by Steam Cockneys adrift Fresh water sailors ; versus, the rough sous of 
 the ocean Debarking from the steamer Greenwich Park Kissing ii the 
 
Ji CONTENTS, 
 
 ring National habits ought to be preserved ; a legal opinion on the subject. 
 
 An invitation to dinner ; a rhetorical display, vulgarly termed the gift of the 
 gab 1 WILHELMINA and SERAPHINA, a pair of female portraits live and 
 learn, stay at home and know nothing- What a world we live in ! The self- 
 sufficient FLOURISH completely outwitted. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 FLOURISH asking himself a few questions ! Perplexed with' doubts ! Satire a 
 bitter weapon ; and men, in general, afraid of being laughed at. A hint or two 
 respecting the dangers of blind confidence ; or persons having too good an 
 opinion of their own sagacity. Travellers see strange things, and are rather 
 too apt to praise other countries in preference to their own ; nevertheless, 
 Greenwich Fair and the Park contrasted with the Carnival at Naples. The 
 Dance not the Tarantula ; but equally as exciting to the feelings nothing 
 else but gay moments touch and take please your taste running kisses 
 dangerous to be safe " O the days when I were young " quality and 
 quantity both in the field. MAKEMONEY'S love of his country again display- 
 
 - ed. SPRIGHTLY over head and ears in love ! The ARTISTS at work draw- 
 ing the Flats and the Pilgrims let into the secret I 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 The SHOW FOLKS 1 Talent outside of the Theatre ; or, how to " pull 'em in !" 
 An original comic song, embellished with patois, but quite in character ; and a 
 word or two respecting the chances and profession of an Actor. Recollections 
 of the late MUSTER RICHARDSON, entitled to record, according to the intrinsic 
 value set upon mankind by a great public writer. The miseries attached to 
 Strollers sixty years ago. The dangers of a double-bedded apartment The 
 serious effects from too much learning the light headed Pig to wit a caution 
 to Students. A glance at the Choice Spirits of the olden times Players, 
 Poets, Painters, Authors, &c. The late EDMUND KEAN and the Show Folks 
 his flattering reception at the court of King George the Third Talent will 
 make its way. A wet scene ; or, too much of water hadst thou, OXBERRY I 
 The flight of Ducks 1 a singular adventure. How to avoid an Act of Parlia- 
 ment : a play-bill for dummies ! Liberal traits of the late Mrs. JORDAN 
 more anon.' Comparisons (not odious) between the illustrious JOHN KEMBLE, 
 of classical notoriety, and the matter-of-fact Showman. Hear, and decide ! 
 A few sentences by way of Epitaph a trifling remembrance to the memory 
 of the late Muster Richardson. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 CHARLES TURF, Esq., a character upon the town up to every thing with a 
 lingo of his own yet a man of observation, and a most excellent companion. 
 A glance at the Sporting Booth all sorts of folks Nature unadorned 
 Niceties not required Jack as good as his master Independence of feeling to 
 the echo Looks dangerous, and speech worse the old adage desirable " To 
 hear much and speak little." A song for those that like it a curiosity in 
 literature- a scrap for D'!SRAELI. The handsome female with a fine bust 
 Beauty powerful in all companies. The maker of a book, but no reader. A fig 
 for literature Authors distanced as to chance, 7 to 4. A figure in rhetoric. 
 The Free and Easy Concert every body welcome WEBER not known, and 
 BISHOP not thought of. Babel to wit, " All round my Cap !"" Tommerhoo !" 
 Silence ! silence ! silence I What a row I For shame when a female woman 
 shows her ivories 1 What low remarks ! Vulgar fellows 1 Keep your jaw to 
 yourself ! or else What ? Why ! You'll meet with a stop-jaw ! Indeed ! 
 How liberal ! Enough ! Too much 1 Who's for Lunnun ? The Costard-mon- 
 ger and his prad Every man to his calling. Any port in a storm. The dan- 
 gers of tickling ; or, keep your hands to yourself, Ould Chap ! A glance at low 
 life rum customers. St. Paul's in sight and the PILGRIMS once more at home. 
 
CONTENTS. iii 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 A few preparatory words on authorship shewing that it is more advantageous to 
 have Nature for a guide than trust to the imagination ; and giving the preference 
 to mix with society in general, than cogitating in the closet, if characters and 
 real life are to be truly depicted. Be it so : Where shall we go ? above, or 
 below bridge ? The question at issue difficult to decide ; both attractive to 
 the echo. An invitation to TURF'S cottage puts an end to the argument. 
 MAKEMONEY'S recollections of former days respecting the Banks of the 
 Thames Dress and manner of the people an immense change for the better. 
 Millbank ; to wit An extraordinary character of the olden times a thief and 
 a honest man in the same person ; completely illustrating Pope's maxim, that 
 "the proper study of mankind is man." Curious definition of champagne, 
 versus ale, by one of the Pilgrims a matter of taste. Outlines of a Race- 
 course a study, perhaps worthy of contemplating by persons who seek after 
 pleasure. Flats and Sharps Fools and Deep Ones Peers and Tradesmen 
 all in motion. Thimbles applied to a very different purpose from their original 
 intention. The magical garter, and the gilded pill ; or, how to twist an argu- 
 ment, A head without brains ; or, a sketch of a thoughtless fellow a tale for 
 inexperienced young men. The long wished-for anecdotes related by TURF 
 The Match- Girl ; or a woman with the fine bust. A peep in the mirror 
 wretchedness and beggary personified. The transformation What can't gold do I 
 
 CHAPTER X. * 
 
 The Pilgrims turn Pic-nic-iaus ! Why should not aPic-nic be a medium for a Pil- 
 grimage ? Who's to be there ? Characters of all sorts ; great and small, learned 
 and unlearned, " extremes meet." The preliminaries for starting adjusted, a slight 
 mistake 1 Diamond for Diana, and prospect of no'dinner; possible probability of 
 the provisions presence, and passionate propensity, " pro " pungency, in a 
 pretty petticoat. A steamer in hot weather, a broiler, and no sinecure ! 
 Makemoney overcome ; Sprightly not flourishing ; nor Flourish sprightly ! The 
 females in a stew for fear of being fried. The punster punless ; and the pedant 
 pensive I The children in mischief, and Mrs. Brindle in agony ! The landing, 
 hurra 1 here's the provender. The dinner 1 accidents and offences, " Keep 
 your hands from picking and stealing I" The Stroll Fortune telling in Rich- 
 mond Park Makemoney cajoled by a flattering black-eyed gipsey girl. "Ah 
 old gentleman, we've caught you, have we ? Ha ! ha ! ha I What did she say 
 eh ? " Such stuff as dreams are made of." Let's have tea agreed. Oh, dear 
 dear I thought so, my dress is spoiled ! Never mind, "children will be 
 children." Now for home, " domus arnica, domus optima 1" " Rise gentle 
 moon." A Hero and Leander in humble life. Boat song the lover to his 
 mistress ; fatal termination ! " The course of true love never did run smooth !" 
 Well, here we are our "journey's happy ended," Goodnight. "Bonus 
 Nocte 1" 
 
 CHAPTER XI: 
 
 MAKEMONEY'S invitation to Charles Turf, Esq., to dine with him in London 
 accepted by the latter. Continuation of the interesting adventures of the 
 Match-Girl ; strange, but true. Love-letters, or rather bargains of a Smith- 
 field character Vice reduced to a trade, and beauty a marketable commodity ; 
 but face painting not amongst the faults of the Match-Girl. The dangers of 
 fascination FLOURISH'S opinion and dislike of very beautiful women some 
 truth connected with his remarks. A female without a heart yet not devoid 
 of susceptibility a touch of the pathetic the afflicted father, fond mother, 
 and inconsiderate son grey hairs still respected. Greatness of the Match- 
 Girl. Introduction of young RENTROLL, a country 'gentlemen a neck-or- 
 nothing sort of personage all to-day, and let to-morrow provide for itself 
 A masquerade visit ; or, how to pay off old debts. Dangerous to be safe. 
 Prowess of the Match -Girl the sprig of quality reduced beneath the rank of a 
 commoner revenge sweet. No security in disguise, or I am not what I seem 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 to be I The bailiffs in the dark a scene in a lock-up house the amorous 
 man woman One might be hanged as well for a sheep as a lamb. HOLDFAST 
 in error astonished the secret unravelled therefore "go it," and finish the 
 spree; it will amount to the same thing one hundred years hence ; but " all's 
 well that ends well." 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 Strolls on the water a tour anything ; or rather, days of observation by the 
 PILGRIMS ; a boat excursion Stop where it suits you ! Go where you like ! 
 Stay as long as you please ! after the manner of the sailors idea upon the sub- 
 ject; any port in a storm! The "National !" every thing in the mind of 
 MAKEMONEY ; an argument in favour of the Banks of the Thames, respecting 
 their connection with history, politics, fine arts, literature, the drama, &c., in- 
 cluding a host of " Great creatures of by-gone days !" A spree, a bit of fun, an 
 anecdote. How 'to astonish a landlord ; a row-a-way party to escape the 
 reckoning. It must be them ! No it arn't! Yes it is! No, I am wrong! 
 Very much like 'em ! At all events, they look more like thieves than horses ! 
 FLOURISH'S tale : nay more, a fact ; in which are exhibited the feelings of 
 gratitude, the value of friendship, and the purity of unconquerable love ; realiz- 
 ing the adage, better to be born fortunate than rich. Names not necessary, 
 yet a reference to the London Directory, might, if the cue was obtained, put 
 the matter beyond all doubt. But mystery is effective ; or the characters of 
 Marplot and Paul Pry, would become dead letters, and be put upon the shelf. 
 " O th joys of angling" a fishing party a bite ; a Dog fish ! Overboard 
 he went ! A splashing match with the Eton boys ; MAKEMONEY in the water ; 
 not drowned ; a cooler, and a complete ducking ! Those who play at bowls 
 must expect rubs. The pleasing sound of Bow bells to the ear of a cockney. 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 The PILGRIMS interested at a Rowing-match, between " Bill Prizeman's boy, 
 and Coat-and-Badge Dick." The spirit of the thing ! Times and manners. 
 Civility costs nothing. A dialogue between a coalheaver and an old maid ; or 
 torturing the English language. The dog and the hat ; a tiny bit of the 
 marvellous ! A night scene on the banks of the Thames. Vauxhall to wit. 
 MAKEMONEY out of humour with the altered appearance of things ; or, nothing 
 like by-gone days at the gardens. SPRIGHTLY, vice versa, full of enjoyment 
 with the present period ; and FLOURISH exulting, that " a bird in the hand is 
 worth two in the bush !" TURF, all happiness, contented with the idea of 
 taking things as you now find them. Unexpected meeting with old friends and 
 acquaintances, The hoax ; Flourish and Makemoney the victims 1 Women 
 and wine a row the Pilgrims in trouble ! an eveiy day sort of thing at places 
 of amusement. " We won't go home till morning ! We won't go home till 
 morning, &c." 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 The Pilgrims in training a horse cannot always be running at the the top of his 
 speed ; and the strongest men require rest when they put Nature to the test. 
 FLOURISH, SPRIGHTLY and MAKEMONEY restored to their pristine state of 
 health, and anxious to start upon another cruise. The Pilgrims once more on 
 the Thames, enjoying all its nautical grandeur, united with the picturesque and 
 pleasing variety of its scenery, developed on its banks. A character on board 
 of the steamer an English Don Juan a man of sentiment an appalling 
 picture of the destruction occasioned, by dissipation and libertinism on the 
 human frame ; a portrait for inconsiderate young men to analyze, before it is 
 too late, in all its bearings depicted by TURF in an artist-like manner. Modern 
 Antiquity ; or, the mansion built with stones from old London Bridge its vari- 
 ous comical designations and allusions by the passengers, who pass and repass 
 it, up and down the River. A sketch of the proprietor, by the old Citizen. 
 MAKEMONEY determined to participate in the amusements of Gravesend; without 
 any restraint ; according to the maxim, " that when you are at Rome, do as 
 Rome does." Remarks, by the old Citizen, on the rapid rise of Gravesend in 
 
CONTENTS. V 
 
 the estimation of the public, as a convenient and fashionable watering-place 
 contrasted with his boyhood days, to the downhill of life. With a variety of 
 other circumstances which presented themselves to the Pilgrims during their 
 trip to Gravesend. 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 The Pilgrims always on the alert ; another trip to Richmond the church -yard 
 visit to the grave of the late EDMUND KEAN, Esq,, as an obligation to his 
 splendid histrionic talents. " De mortuis nil nisi bonum." Conversation be- 
 tween MAKEMONEY, TURF, SPRIGHTLY, and FLOURISH, respecting no monu- 
 ment having been erected over the remains of so great an actor. Introduction 
 of Launcelot Quarto, the tourist ; the author's MS. respecting his visit to 
 Woodland Cottage, in the Isle of Bute, the selected retreat of Shakspeare's 
 hero, including a variety of original anecdotes, never before published descrip- 
 tion of the splendid picturesque scenery beauties of the Clyde ; the interior of 
 the cottage, paintings, books, presents made to Mr. Kean; with a variety of 
 interesting circumstances worthy the attention of the lovers of the drama. 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 The Pilgrims anxious to visit the source of the Thames ; one of the most impor- 
 tant features in their Pilgrimage ; also to follow the stream to the finish of it. 
 The Nore explanation and authorities upon the subject. A trip to Glouces- 
 tershire ; friendly reception at Fox-hunters Hall. Sir HENRY TALLY-HO, 
 Bart., a choice spirit, one of the Olden Times; TURF, FLOURISH, and 
 SPRIGHTLY, quite at home ; MAKMONEY, in anew character, a second Johnny 
 Gilpin, who went faster and further than he intended (but a miss is as good 
 as a mile) and, the Old Citizen, none the worse for his unexpected gallop 1 
 Outline of an Oxford Scholar. Unlooked for incidents. The old Citizen 
 sporting a toe. Sketch of an accomplished thief, &c. 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 The winding up of the Pilgrimage for the season; MAKEMONEY, FLOURISH, and 
 SPRIGHTLY, having a peep at the Lord Mayor's Show, opposite Hungerford 
 Market. Remarks of the crowd, and other incidents connected with mobs in 
 general. There is a time for every thing. The Pilgrims' farewell to CHARLES 
 TURF, Esq., until the long days and bright Sol, once more invite them to the 
 country. 
 
PLATES TO FACE. 
 
 Folio, 
 
 Concerting Pilgrimage 23 
 
 Steam Boat 24 
 
 Greenwich Park 53 
 
 Kiss-in-the-Ring 70 
 
 Richardson's Theatre 80 
 
 Free and Easy 130 
 
 The Pilgrims at Hampton Races 155 
 
 The Match-Girl 176 
 
 Do 181 
 
 Sailing Match 200 
 
 ThePic-Nic 209 
 
 Fortune Telling . . 215 
 
 The White Lady 233 
 
 Fishing 297 
 
 The Pilgrims at Windsor 299 
 
 . at a Boat Race 300 
 
 at Vauxhall 308 
 
 The English Don Juan 319 
 
 The Pilgrims at Gravesend 327 
 
 Kean's Grave. 341 
 
 The Source of the Thames 361 
 
 The Nore Light 370 
 
 The Lord Mayor's Show 373 
 
 The Frontispiece to face the Title. 
 
THE 
 
 PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 IN SEARCH OF THE 
 
 NATIONAL ! 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 THOUGHTS ON THE ORIGINALITY OF THE SUBJECT AND 
 TRUTH AND FACTS THE LEADING FEATURES OF THE 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 IF ROMANCE is the forte of an author, whenever he makes up 
 his mind to sit down to write a book, he may, if circumstances 
 require it, exclaim, with the late Lord Byron, " I want a HERO ? " 
 
 However, fortunately for us, we are not left in that predica- 
 ment ; we have not to " lean upon our elbows," lost, as it were, 
 in cogitation ; neither have we any thing" to do with Romance 
 in any shape whatever. No ! our castles are not of the " Otranto" 
 build ; nor do we deal in matters like the " Mysteries of Udolpho," 
 it not being* our intention to speak in parables ! 
 
 Corridors and subterraneous passages, likewise, are not neces- 
 sary to illustrate our characters, as it will be seen they do not 
 depend upon stag-e effect abrupt entrances ! awful exits ! trap- 
 doors ! or blue tire ; and g'hosts and grinning 1 spectres are much 
 too frightful to be introduced for the amusement of our readers ! 
 Therefore, nothing- of the phantasmagoria kind will be attempted ; 
 reality being the decided object in view ; and our heroes and he- 
 roines are to be met with every day in the public walks of life ! 
 sometimes on board of steamers ; at others inside, or on the tops 
 of stage-coaches ; and not unfrequently to be seen on the out- 
 sides of horses. They are flesh and blood to the very touch ; 
 and words are not put into their mouths like puppets ! but they 
 speak for themselves, either " good, bad, or indifferent !' 
 
 Invention is, therefore, entirely out of the question ; and far 
 be it from us to make characters that is to say, like parts writ- 
 ten for actors, according to the rank and situation they hold on the 
 boards of a theatre an " Uncle Foozle," to wit, for Mr. Farren ; 
 
 B 
 
4 2 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 or a ready-cut and dried sailor for Mr. T. P. Cooke ! Our aim is 
 totally different, and takes a higher ground ; the " dramatis per- 
 sonse " that we are about to represent, being composed of persons 
 who caught the eyes of the Pilgrims under peculiar circumstances ; 
 or crossed their paths during their pilgrimage on the BANKS OF 
 THE THAMES ! 
 
 As a matter of course, it will appear that some of our aspiring 
 personages are decorated in the fashionable apparel of a Stultz 
 or a Nugee, for the best of all reasons because fashion is their 
 very soul, and dress their only idol ! while the other part of them 
 are, from dire necessity, compelled to wear a garment, purchased 
 perhaps either at Rag Pair or Jllonmouth-street no matter 
 where, so that it answers the purpose of wearing apparel. 
 
 Yet taste, with a certain class of society, is considered of the 
 utmost importance for instance, in the trifling article of snuff, 
 without the peculiar scent given to it by the addition of the Ton- 
 quin Sean, would be pronounced by the connoisseur of the 
 'Canisters!' shocking! wretched, and abominable stuff ! while, 
 on the contrary, downright " Irish Blackguard " would be hailed 
 as a delicious treat to the proboscis of other individuals, and as- 
 serted, with equal firmness, that none but gentlemen make use of 
 the above article therefore, " Who's to decide when doctors 
 disagree ? ' However, we take our heroes as we find them, and 
 chance it whether running against my Lord Duke, with his 
 glittering star, backed by his high birth, parentage, and education ; 
 or coming in rude contact with " Sweep, soot ho ! " with only 
 his bag arid brush to carry him through the world ! From such 
 a variety of persons passing in review, some of NATURE'S un- 
 meaning compositions will shew themselves who, to supply 
 their defects, endeavour to set themselves off to the best advan- 
 tage, by exhibiting a dashing exterior, to obtain importance in 
 the eyes of society ; and if PERRING'S fashionable light hats cover 
 many lighter heads it is no matter about brains if the effect 
 of attraction is obtained by the wearers of them ! 
 
 Our heroines, too, will be found real women, positively females 
 from top to toe it not being our wish, if we had the power, 
 like Glendower, to call " spirits from the vasty deep ! " nor to 
 enlist Venus, Juno, Psyche, and all the other captivating god- 
 desses, from the splendid court of Jupiter's beauties, under our 
 banners, to dazzle the eyes and bewilder the senses of our pa- 
 trons ! No ! we are anxious to exclude any thing in the shape 
 of temptation ; therefore, nothing like a f^enus di Medicis will 
 be prominent amongst them : 
 
 Ladies, like variegated tulips, 
 
 Tis to their changes half their charms we owe ; 
 
 Fine by defect, and delicately weak ; 
 
 Their happy spots the nice admirer take. 
 
 Although among our pages may be found ladies with pretty faces 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 3 
 
 good figures genteel gait interesting address and handsomely 
 dished up in gros-de-Naples silk-dresses diamond ear-drops 
 fingers covered with rings hair, in glossy ringlets united with 
 every thing that art can render effective to ornament their per- 
 sons and give attraction to their appearance. Such females as 
 you may cast your eyes upon at the Italian Opera the Theatres 
 Epsom and Ascot Races Kensington Gardens Regent Street, 
 &c. from my Lady Duchess down to the humble maid of all 
 work Fairies, and other imaginary creatures, are exclusively 
 left to the writers of romance ! 
 
 ORIGINALITY and decided features being our peculiar aim ; 
 although it is asserted by the Quidnuncs a set of persons who 
 wish to be thought wiser and better informed than other folks, 
 " that there is nothing new under the Sun !" But as a set-off 
 against the above old, and stale adage, we agree with the drama- 
 tist : 
 
 Severe their task, who in this critic age, 
 With fresh materials furnish out the stage! 
 Not that our fathers drain'd the comic store, 
 Fresh characters spring up as heretofore ; 
 NATURE with Novelty does still abound; 
 On every side fresh follies may be found. 
 
 However, it will be admitted the /%e varies the Times alter 
 and that Fashion is continually changing all the modes of 
 life ; so much so, that, in the course of a few fleeting years, 
 society assumes a different aspect altogether ; yet however, it is 
 not altogether improbable that we may jostle against some soi- 
 disant English Don Juaiis Chevaliers Faublas' Don Quixottes, 
 &c., but rather more likely that we may meet with beings simi- 
 lar to Tom Jones, Peregrine Pickle, and Paul Clifford ! Should 
 such characters appear, pen and ink drawings shall not be want- 
 ing to illustrate their achievements, and if we can but hold the 
 mirror up to Nature, and shoot folly as it flies we shall then feel 
 gratified that we have accomplished our task ; therefore, in order 
 to deserve success, we set sail boldly, under the old proverb, 
 a faint heart ne'er won a fair lady ! 
 
THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 An Outline or, rather a Pen and Ink Sketch of PETER MAKE- 
 MONEY a thorough-bred Cockney his obscure origin in 
 early life great rise immense luck and experience in 
 society. Jl retired wealthy citizen., who had filled the 
 Offices of Sheriff, Jllderman, and Lord Mayor. His ob- 
 servations on Men and Manners Opinions worth know- 
 ing. 
 
 A wit's a feather, and a chief a rod, 
 
 An honest man's the noblest work of God. 
 
 PETER MAKEMONEY was, at one period of his career, a man of 
 considerable importance in the City of London, but whose first 
 onset in life was rather in an humble capacity : however, from his 
 rig-id attention to business, and industry, he was soon enabled to 
 shake off his obscurity and, like several other persons connected 
 with mercantile affairs in this immense Metropolis, he rose step by 
 step, until he arrived at the important situation of an Alderman. 
 He looked back with astonishment at his rapid success in life, 
 being- scarcely the possessor of a shilling- at one time ; when he 
 retired from business with an immense fortune. He had served 
 the office of Sheriff with great activity and credit to himself ; and 
 also filled the Civic Chair to the g-eneral satisfaction of the public. 
 Makemoney was a strait-forward character in every point of 
 view and a highly impartial mag-istrate. He was a friend to 
 the poor the distressed in circumstances and the unfortunate, 
 g-enerally, in him found a friend. Yet he was a terror to the 
 wicked and proflig-ate ; but, nevertheless, he always tempered 
 justice with mercy ; and if he thoug-ht there appeared any thing- 
 like sorrow or reformation about the criminal,when broug-ht before 
 him, he did every thing- in his power to give the culprit a chance 
 to effect so desirable an object. He endeavoured to <e see his 
 way" clearly upon every subject ; and any thing- like the slig-htest 
 bias of an improper feeling-, never appeared in his conduct or his 
 decisions. He did his duty fearlessly upon all occasions ; and, 
 althoug-h a very plain man in his habits and mode of life, yet he 
 was most anxious to preserve the dignity of his situation as the 
 Lord Mayor of the greatest city in the world : and by his liberality 
 he considerably increased, rather than diminished the smallest par- 
 ticle of the splendour which attached to the office.* He was 
 
 * It should seem that Makemoney, in order to preserve the dignity of the cha- 
 racter attached to the person of the Lord Mayor, adopted the following mode to 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 5 
 
 firm in his manners, dignified in his conduct, and nothing- like 
 parade or ostentation was observed by his most intimate friends. 
 He felt proud that he had been thought worthy by his fellow 
 citizens to fill so important an office ; but nevertheless he had no 
 political ambition to gratify, and Peter Makemoney preserved his 
 independence to the end of the chapter. 
 
 In his magisterial capacity he was accessible upon all occasions ; 
 and although many of the interruptions he received came under 
 the denomination of " troublesome," he never shewed impatience 
 to any of his applicants, and they always left his presence well 
 pleased with his affability and condescension : indeed, Peter was 
 anxious to obtain the good opinion of every body. He completed 
 his Mayoralty with immense popularity : and also with great joy 
 to himself, that he was enabled once more to retire into private 
 life. He disliked the pomp and shew ; although he admitted it 
 was necessary to the importance of the Chief Magistrate : and 
 Makemoney often declared he felt himself a hundred times hap- 
 pier in his own humble residence, than when receiving all the 
 honors and attentions in the splendid Mansion allotted to the 
 Lord Mayor. 
 
 However, it could be scarcely said of him, that he was indebt- 
 ed to any thing like education for his rise in life ; or what is 
 generally termed education although he had had a great deal to 
 do with Books his occupation being more to sell them, to 
 make an addition to his purse, than reading works for the im- 
 provement of his mind : but, it is quite certain, that he owed much 
 to observation : and treasured up the following lines of POPE as 
 most excellent advice : 
 
 'Tis strange the MISER should his cares employ, 
 To gain those riches he can ne'er enjoy! 
 It is less strange the PRODIGAL should waste 
 His wealth, to purchase, what he ne'er can taste ! 
 Something there is more needful than expense, 
 And something precious e'en to Taste 'tis SENSE ! 
 Good sense which only is the gift of Heav'n, 
 And, though no Science^ fairly worth the Seven ! 
 
 Calculation was also an immense assistance to him in his daily 
 pursuits ; but Economy invaluable Economy all powerful 
 Economy, that often times gives, not only independence to the 
 mind but frequently fortune to the adopter of it was the inti- 
 
 answer two purposes : From early habits, when the fatigue of business was over 
 for the day, he always indulged in the habit of smoking his pipe over a glass of 
 grog; but for the Lord Mayor to be seen with a pipe in his mouth before his de~ 
 corated servants at the Mansion House, he thought might produce some remarks 
 and sneers not very palatable to his feelings. He, therefore, retired for an hour 
 or two, every evening, to his old chimney corner at his private residence (as the 
 humble Peter Makemonoy) to enjoy his whiffs in comfort ; and then returned, 
 like a "giant refreshed," to sustain the duties imposed upon him, as chief ma- 
 gistrate of the City of London. " Domus arnica domus optima." 
 
6 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 mate and steady friend of Peter Makemoney. It is true those 
 excellent notions, united with industry, and persevering- conduct, 
 had been of immense assistance to him in his progress through 
 life ; they had not only rendered him a good and confidential 
 servant, but had tang-lit him the necessity of putting- by money 
 every year towards producing- an easy sort of independence 
 against old ag-e. 
 
 But he had been promoted, step by step, from one situation to 
 another in the establishment, till his word had become 
 almost law. His never-tiring- conduct to increase the interest of 
 the concern, was made so evident by his superior knowledg-e with 
 every circumstance connected with it ; nay more, transactions of 
 every description went throug-h his hands and he was the go- 
 between on all occasions. It mig-ht be truly said, that his deci- 
 sion was final that his master had become little more than a 
 " Looker-on " as it were and troubled himself scarcely about 
 any thing- else, but his expenditure and profits. 
 
 Peter Makemoney, it should seem, had only flattered himself 
 that, from his long- services and attention, he mig-ht one day or 
 another, whenever his employer thoug-ht fit to retire from busi- 
 ness, or death took him out of the concern, realize a small share 
 in it ; that is to say, such a share as mig-ht be given to him for 
 his peculiar knowledge of conducting such an immense establish- 
 ment, provided it got into the hands of new proprietors. 
 
 But it had never entered his thoughts, great as his ambition 
 might have been to have arrived in the trade as a person of im- 
 portance that he should become the whole and sole possessor of 
 his master's large property. Yet so it turned out in the sequel. 
 His master had not a relative in the world that he was aware of 
 neither chick nor child ; and did not follow the example of the 
 rich and fortunate foundling boy who, after he had amassed 
 together upwards of 100,000^. by his exertions in trade adver- 
 tized in the public newspapers a handsome sum, if any person 
 could give him an accurate knowledge whether his father or 
 mother were living ; or indeed, any of his relations, that he might 
 share his fortune with them so much did he feel himself alone 
 in this great metropolis : 
 
 " Ah, my Pylades, what's this world without a friend ?" 
 
 On the contrary, Makemoney 's employer felt perfectly satisfied, 
 that he had found a sincere friend ; a good servant ; and a per- 
 son who had been through life attached to his interests. That 
 was enough. He could not find a better, or more deserving 
 man to leave his property to, than PETER. In consequence of 
 this decision his master made his will in the most private man- 
 ner ; and, barring his confidential solicitors, to whom he left 
 handsome legacies for their trouble, the disposition he had made 
 respecting his great wealth remained a profound secret : but. 
 Death, who spares no man, at length overtook him ; and 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 7 
 
 Peter Make money, to his utter astonishment, by such an unex- 
 pected slice of luck became a man of immense property. 
 
 Thus at one stride if he did not realize the appellation of a 
 great man his good fortune resounded from the East India 
 House to St. Paul's Church Yard, that he had become one of the 
 most wealthy persons in the City of London. This shower of gold 
 as it might be termed, did not overwhelm his feelings ; and rather 
 strange to state, it did not alter the man " a jot." In his inter- 
 course with society his good sense taught him not to be too 
 much elevated with sudden prosperity. 
 
 It is true Peter had been fond of money, being perfectly aware 
 the comforts it brought to the possessors of it ; but, nevertheless, 
 nothing like the term of miser attached to his character and he 
 was quite capable of granting an accommodation or doing a good 
 action, without being paid for it. He also kept a good table ; 
 yet he was no gourmand. Although it has been the prevailing 
 satire on the Court of Aldermen from time immemorial of their 
 greedy attachment to good living,* almost to gluttony, yet it was 
 well-known that Makemoney had adopted in his own person the 
 sensible and healthful adage of " eating to live ; and not living 
 to eat." He was a temperate man altogether, though he did 
 not regulate his meals by any particular system ; neither did he 
 refrain from taking a glass or two of generous wine when in the 
 company of his friends ; or at other times when such refresh- 
 ment was deemed necessary. 
 
 Peter was a thorough cockney, to the utmost extent of the 
 phrase except knocking about the v's and the w's. The sound 
 of Bow bells, to his ears was delightful music ; and the sight of 
 " Old Best," (as he termed St. Paul's Cathedral,) the delight of 
 his eyes ; in fact, he had seen nothing else but London, and he 
 
 * A well known facetious Baronet, connected for several years with the Corpora- 
 tion of London, distinguished for his jolly looking face, and his penchant for the 
 good things of this life in the character of an Epicure if not a Gourmand! 
 was very fond of turtle soup, regardless of the expence. He one morning called 
 at a tavern contiguous to Guildhall, after transacting some business and asked 
 for a basin of turtle soup ! It was little more than a thimble-full in the eye of the 
 Baronet and he put it out of sight, instanter. 'How much?' said he to the 
 waiter. ' Thirteen and sixpence,' was the reply. Clapping his hands upon his 
 stomach he thus argufied the topic. ' Thirteen shillings and sixpence a small 
 basin! soon gone ! rather expensive, to be sure ; and scarcely a taste ! But as 
 I am not indebted to any body I do not see any just cause why I should die 
 indebted to my own flesh and blood and cheat my Stomach. No ! that will 
 never do. Starvation is not my creed! Here, waiter, another basinful; and 
 bring something like a basin this time you made a mistake last time and 
 brought the soup in a tea-cup /' Description falls short to portray the delighted 
 voracious eyes of the Baronet ; but like Sir John Falstaff over a cup of 
 sack, he smacked his lips and devoured the contents of it with peculiar gout. 
 Then pulling out his purse ' Here, waiter, is one pound eight for you. Twenty 
 eight shillings might have been laid out much worse ! There is nothing immoral 
 in a basin of turtle soup the Society for the Suppression of Vice do not take 
 cognizance of such things therefore there is no offence in it.' He then left the 
 tavern to enjoy his dinner. Facts are stubborn things. 
 
8 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 thought there was no place like London ; and, excepting- High- 
 gate and Hampstead (the cockney's round), the Metropolis was 
 the only place that he called his home. 
 
 According to the " Sayings and Doings" of a celebrated author, 
 though we cannot call accurately to our memory whether he had 
 ever made use of the adage of a devoted Londoner in favor of the 
 place of his nativity, " that he would sooner be hanged in LON- 
 DON, than die a natural death in the country !" But, neverthe- 
 less, Peter insisted there was an excuse for this sort of partiality, 
 and that it came under the denomination of an " amiable weak- 
 ness !" 
 
 Be that as it may, Makemoney has often been heard to answer, 
 when the question has been put to him about his remaining so 
 much at home ? " In the first place," said he, " I could not 
 spare the time the quantity of business I always had to transact 
 would not permit it ; and, secondly, it would not do for me, a 
 man of my years, to risque my neck on the high hills of SWITZ- 
 ERLAND, look like a fool in ITALY, and be absolutely lost, as it 
 were, on the banks of the Rhine ; or, in other words, be found 
 in the ludicrous situation of what is termed ' a cockney adrift /* 
 
 " No, no I am quite content to explore the resources of my 
 own country, now the tide has turned, and my fortunes permit 
 me to do it nay, more, the advantages which present themselves 
 contiguous to my native city, which I have often heard urged, 
 that for interest to the mind, attraction to the lovers of prospects, 
 and situations, cannot be excelled, either to the merchant, 
 the artist, or the historian therefore, I am determined that my 
 PILGRIMAGE shall not extend beyond the Banks of the Thames ! " 
 
 Peter Makemoney was now quite at his ease : he had come 
 into the possession of more cash, by the above-mentioned bequest, 
 than he could ever spend in a rational sort of way even if his 
 life were prolonged to a greater extent than falls to the lot 
 of man. A splendid fortune was at his command, besides a good 
 round sum which he had acquired by honest industry, in the 
 capacity of a servant. 
 
 Business, as a matter of course, had had its day with him he, 
 therefore, relinquished it, and only kept his Alderman's gown as 
 a sort of amusement ; or, rather to occupy in some measure his 
 leisure time. He despised any thing like ostentation ; and self- 
 importance he was equally disgusted with ; but his home and 
 fire-side were great objects to his mind : he was also fond of a 
 game at whist or cribbage : in fact, there was a sort of Hoyle 
 about his play and judgement, but he severely exclaimed against 
 any thing that partook of gaming, in the slightest degree. 
 
 He was an excellent companion a social fellow and he had 
 no objection to a pipe and a glass in their proper place, and par- 
 ticularly fond of a good song. He was in raptures, even at the 
 recollection of the late Charles Incledon's Black-eyed Susan, and 
 Tom Moody : " the Italian Opera House might be fine, as to 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 9 
 
 music ; but the best of them" said he, " were a hundred miles 
 behind our English ballad-singer." 
 
 Makemoney always thought the Theatre not only a rational, 
 but a place of information, united with amusement ; and that a 
 good play improved society in their feelings towards each other. 
 It was delightful to see and hear the animated applause which 
 came from all parts of the house when the character of a villain 
 met with punishment for his crimes. 
 
 He was also a stickler for what might now be termed the old 
 school of acting, and considered the late John Kemble classical to 
 the echo : Mrs. Siddons, the greatest creature of them all ; and 
 entertained an opinion, that a century might occur before such 
 another actress appeared on the boards of any theatre. Little 
 Kean, too, a none-such all fire and intellect ; quite in earnest 
 with every character he represented ; and thought it was a great 
 loss to the drama that he had made his exit from the stage so 
 prematurely in life ! The comedy of Elliston he pronounced de- 
 lightful nay more, perfection ! 
 
 " Talk of making love," observed Peter, in extasy, " there 
 was not an actress on the stage, during his day, ever engaged 
 with him in comedy, so earnest were his professions of attach- 
 ment to her, that I have heard it asserted, she actually fancied 
 him her lover in reality ! 
 
 " But, alas \" said he, " they have had their day and gone ! 
 I may be wrong but no matter yet I have often regretted that 
 a sort of immortality could not be spread over actors of such 
 splendid talents, which might enable us ' old ones ' to communicate 
 their beauties for the amusement, if not for the instruction of the 
 rising generation." 
 
 Peter was a kind master, and frank and free to all those per- 
 sons about him. He was a great enemy to all pretenders ; and 
 he never assumed a knowledge that did not belong to his cha- 
 racter. The only thing that Makemoney ever boasted of, was, 
 that he considered himself one of the luckiest fellows in exist- 
 ence. He had had nothing else but good luck throughout his 
 life every thing was prosperous that he undertook and he did 
 not consider himself unlucky because he had remained a bache- 
 lor ; and when asked the reason he had never changed his situa- 
 tion, he laughingly replied, that his time had been always too 
 much occupied for him to devote any of it to love ; yet, never- 
 theless, he professed great admiration for the sex, " but," said 
 he, " I am now too old to make a fool of myself and I have 
 made up my mind that I will not become the laughing-stock of 
 my friends, by entering into any indiscreet, or foolish marriage." 
 
.10 Tilt PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 advantages attached to property ; or, win gold and wear 
 it! JI!AKEMONEY'S spontaneous notions of a Pilgrimage 
 on the BANKS OF THE THAMES " Home, siveet Home," 
 against any other Air in the history of music ; contrasted 
 with Switzerland, Italy, the Rhine, fyc. The Pilgrims 
 MAKEMONEY, FRANK FLOURISH, and JAMES SPRIGHTLY 
 (otherwise " Young Never/ret ! " ) in search of the 
 NATIONAL. 
 
 Three Pilgrims, blithe and jolly, 
 Sworn foes to melancholy, 
 Went out strange things to see ! 
 
 PETER'S liberal advice to his Nephew, full of pith, and no- 
 thing else but orthodox. An outline of " Young Neverfret," 
 scarcely out of his leading strings , and a Sketch of 
 FLOURISH ; quite a character ! MAKEMONEY'S admonition 
 to his brother Pilgrims, previous to their starting * a 
 stitch in time saves nine' FLOURISH'S opinion against 
 duelling a safe card prevention better than cure A 
 few words in praise of Greenwich Hospital, truly NA- 
 TIONAL ! 
 
 PETER MAKEMONEY was a jolly Momus-looking sort of fellow, 
 about five feet four inches in height a kind of low comedy sort 
 of person a facetious, smiling 1 countenance, and decently dressed 
 old man who might have played a fatherly part, without repre- 
 hension, as to look, in one of Beaumont and Fletcher's comedies 
 yet not one of the flinty-hearted sort of personages generally 
 found in those dramas, but more applicable to the fine feelings 
 of an " Old Dornton," in the Road to Ruin. 
 
 His apparel was of the very first quality, as to goodness the 
 best cloth always selected ; and no grumbling as to the price of 
 the suit of clothes a first-rate workman employed to make 
 them, and who well knew the outline of the human figure ; but, 
 nevertheless, it had been said, that, let Makemoney be dressed 
 after any style of fashion, new or old, he never lost sight of the 
 man in trade. All the united taste of the tailors in London 
 could not have changed his appearance : there was a certain sort 
 of rotundity about his person which defied the term " gentility ;" 
 although it had never been disputed that it did not come under 
 the denomination of " respectable." But he never quarrelled 
 with his looks : 
 
 O, that this too, too solid flesh would melt, 
 Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 11 
 
 DRESS was not at all Makemoney's hobby ; and, for the ac- 
 commodation of himself, he would not have had a looking-glass 
 throughout his dwelling, so little did he value the decorative 
 powers to set off a man : yet he was not an enemy to dress, 
 and decided cleanliness and an air of respectability were the 
 leading features seen in his establishment. True, there was no- 
 thing of the Adonis character about him ; but he was a weighty 
 man in his person as well as his purse, and more inclined to grow 
 fat since he had retired from business : he, therefore, felt deter- 
 mined, for the few years Providence might lengthen his existence, 
 to be comfortable and happy, and to spend his time, either in or out 
 of doors, in the most pleasant manner that he or any of his friends 
 could suggest. He also felt emphatically the adage, " That the 
 right end of life is to live and be jolly ! " " To be sure it is," 
 said Peter, " and when you have plenty of money in your pocket, 
 good health, and a disposition to be happy in yourself, there can- 
 not be much reason to call yourself to account how you have 
 spent your time ! " 
 
 Makemoney started to be pleased his mind was made up for 
 pleasure and to walk or ride, were questions of no importance 
 for his consideration. Time was of no object to him a week, 
 a month, or a quarter of a year so that the period was occupied 
 happily, and the journey answered the intended purpose : neither 
 did he make any tiresome preparations for his travels. 
 
 An umbrella was his principal attendant, and a box of first- 
 rate cigars his most pleasant companion, to /ill up those hours 
 dedicated to recreation and comfort. Like the inimitable STERNE, 
 his luggage was extremely light cleanliness was his object 
 but dress studied dress that is to say, an attention to fashion- 
 able apparel, was quite out of his calculation: two or three 
 shirts put into his carpet-bag, accompanied by a Guide to the 
 River, and a small note-book, to " book" as he termed it, any 
 little touches of eccentric characters that might cross his path 
 during his pilgrimage on the BANKS of the THAMES, which irrght 
 refresh his memory when he returned home, were all he took with 
 him ; any thing more, he said, would be superfluous. 
 
 One nig-ht, during the enjoyment of his p : pe, Makemoney ob- 
 served to his nephew, that he had made up his mind to have a 
 little jaunt " some persons/' sa : d he, " might be inclined to call 
 it a Tour but, at all events, it could not come under the denomi- 
 nation of travels FOREIGN PARTS being entirely out of the 
 question : however, one point I have settled, and that is, my boy 
 Jem, you shall be my companion. 
 
 " But I do not intend to sally forth, like the renowned Don 
 Quixotte, to attack windmills ; neither should 1 wish you, in your 
 capacity as my squire, to display all the singularity and whim 
 of a Sancho Pansa because neither of us, possessing the fun 
 and wit of a CERVANTES, should circumstances come in our way 
 worthy of recital, we could not communicate them with the fire, 
 
12 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 spirit, and talents of that justly celebrated author. Therefore, 
 we do not set forth to make a book. But you now know my out- 
 line, and you will act accordingly. Wolves and tygers we shall 
 not meet with in the shape of beasts, whatever we may do in 
 the characters of men ; neither shall we have any thing like 
 Mount Vesuvius to frighten us, or to retard our pursuit. No, no 
 our tour will be quite a safe and pleasant thing ! We always 
 shall be in sight of land, although we shall not complain of the 
 want of water : for instance, if the wind blows too strong or cold 
 for us on one day, or the rain comes down in torrents on the next, 
 we can return home on the same night, if our inclinations prompt 
 us so to do ; and having said so much, I will now name the place 
 OLD FATHER THAMES." 
 
 " Delightful ! " replied his nephew. " How often have I 
 listened with the most inexpressible pleasure to hear your old 
 friend, Mr. Folio (the compiler), deliver himself in nearly the 
 following words, in praise of his own country : ' Switzerland/ said 
 he, ' I am ready to admit, may be quoted for its romantic hills, 
 again and again ; ITALY, for its beautiful, serene sky, repeatedly 
 with delight ; the RHINE, also, for its splendid scenery, with all 
 the enthusiasm connected with poetic feelings ; and NAPLES for 
 its carnivals, gondolas, music, &c., while pleasure holds her seat 
 in the memory. In truth, there are few, if any countries, but 
 what possess some eminent situations, regarding prospects and in- 
 teresting circumstances, to recommend them to the notice of the 
 traveller ; nay, more, positively to extort from him the highest 
 panegyric on their extent and grandeur : but, in turn, may it not 
 be urg-ed, that we have in our own country subjects of the most 
 fascinating description to call our attention, and also worthy of 
 our enquiry ; for instance, the BANKS of the THAMES equal, in 
 point of excellence and greatness, to any known spot in the 
 world, leaving its rich prospects and variegated scenery entirely 
 out of the question. True if the BANKS of the THAMES do not 
 possess fabulous LEGENDS, to give them a peculiar sort of interest 
 with the lovers of rofnance ; nevertheless, their emphatic situa- 
 tion and decided character, in the eyes of Europe, add an im- 
 portance to them that no other possess in the scale of nations at 
 the present moment whether viewed in point of naval architec- 
 ture, extensive and unrivalled commerce, ships from all coun- 
 tries, also crowded with steam arid pleasure-boats the whole 
 forming such a magnificent picture, which stamps the English 
 nation the pride and envy of the world without competition." 
 
 " Aye, my friend Folio was a great enthusiast in favour of his 
 country, I must allow/' replied Makemoney, " but, neverthe- 
 less, I will second every word that he has asserted to be the 
 truth the BANKS OF THE THAMES are unequalled ! and only 
 think of the beauties he has described with so much effect 
 attached to their situation ; besides the advantages of their being 
 so contiguous to London, Yes ; yes, be it remembered when you 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 13 
 
 lose sight of Dover ; or climbing- the hills in foreign parts ; be- 
 sides, being- in a country, perhaps, where you do not know a 
 sing-le sentence to make yourself intellig-ible laug-hed at for 
 your ig-norance and reduced to the misery of standing an hour 
 or two dripping- wet being- frozen as cold as a statue and not 
 able to comfort yourself with a change of clothes or a good 
 fire-side to forget your troubles. 
 
 " Then, my dear boy, when home, dear native home, is within 
 our grasp almost, as you may say, to keep St. Paul's in your 
 eye as a land-mark and that fine, substantial structure, yet a fig 
 for its architecture, or its regularity of design whether it be- 
 longs to the Doric, Ionic, Gothic, Corinthian, or Composite, it 
 matters not to me, (without any offence I hope to Sir John 
 Soane,) but when, I repeat, I can behold my hobby and a prime 
 hobby it is the Bank of England I apprehend no danger from 
 my jaunt, or tour. Such being the case, my dear Jem, we can 
 start at an hour's notice, unincumbered with any thing like the 
 formality of luggage our minds free and spirits good and our 
 pockets full, to enjoy the various scenes which present them- 
 selves to our observation, when we commence our Pilgrimage." 
 
 It may, perhaps, be necessary to introduce to the notice of the 
 reader, before we proceed any further, Mr. James Sprightly, but 
 amongst his companions designated as young " A evcrfret /" or 
 rather, if things, or men, could always be called by their proper 
 names Spendmoney would have been the most correct title, for 
 the beloved nephew of the old Alderman. 
 
 JEM, (for such his uncle familiarly called him,) was about 
 twenty-thiee years of age, and in look, what the fair sex might 
 have termed rather handsome ; to be well dressed at all times, 
 was a peculiar feature with his notions of taste ; studiously 
 polite, under the idea that civility is always amiable, and costs 
 nothing. Gentlemanly in his behavour, which not only renders a 
 man pleasing and acceptable to all his friends and acquaintances, 
 but a good passport to society in general ; he was likewise 
 viewed as a young man of spirit., which conveys that nothing 
 mean, low, or contemptible ought to be connected with the com- 
 position of such a being ; but polished with those delightful re- 
 quisites feeling, generosity, and honour. All these qualifi- 
 cations, we must aver, he possessed in a greater or less degree. 
 
 Sprightly was a great favourite with his uncle ; nay, propriety 
 would not quarrel with the appellation in calling PETER MAKE- 
 MONEY his father. JEM was the only son of an affectionate 
 sister, a widow, who had been left in rather narrow circumstances, 
 and previous to her death, her brother Peter had made a solemn 
 promise to her, that he should not want for the care of a father 
 in his progress to manhood ; and he kept his promise with the 
 strictest sense of honour : nay, more, the uncle had evinced that 
 degree of attention towards him shewed so much real interest 
 and anxietv for his future welfare that very few fathers could 
 
14 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 boast of displaying- such laudable conduct with truth and sin- 
 cerity, which young Jem had experienced under the rearing of 
 his uncle MAKEMONEY. 
 
 He had been well taught ; his education not superlative, but 
 liberal ; to which might be added, that his uncle had left no 
 stone unturned to put him on his guard ; and likewise to convey 
 to his ear some invaluable instructions respecting the ways of the 
 world. 
 
 " I am anxious/' said he to his nephew, " to point out to the 
 ' young adventurer ' upon his entrance into life, the immense ad- 
 vantages resulting from experience, and the conversation and 
 advice from persons in years, who have trod the thorny paths of 
 the world ;Mhat is, to look before he leaps, and deliberate before 
 he resolves ; and also to make the best use of his wealth, if the 
 smiles of Fortune have placed him on an eminence above other 
 persons and to be humane, charitable, and considerate towards 
 his fellow creatures ; likewise, I feel interested that he should 
 avoid meanness and servility of disposition ; but above all, not to 
 think too much of himself something after the manner that I am 
 myself ALONE ; but to admit the possibility that there are other 
 persons in existence as well-informed as himself; perhaps, some- 
 what wiser, and better read in the intricate ways of the world. 
 Also, that the * young adventurer ' should, upon all occasions, be 
 JUST before he is generous ; and to endeavour by fair and honour- 
 able means to increase his property. To resist CANT in all its spe- 
 cious shapes to reject HUMBUG expose DECEIT despise ful- 
 some and uncalled-for FLATTERY and to be GENTLEMANLY in 
 every point of view. l KNOWLEDGE is power ;' as such it is 
 described by one of our greatest law-givers my Lord BACON 
 and that immense power is only to be obtained by a clear, cool, 
 and dispassionate view of society. Outside appearances must ever 
 go for little in the account of human nature with men of sense. 
 The world is still deceived by ornament, it is too true, but never- 
 theless, my wishes are, that the mind of the ' young adventurer' 
 should act as a JURY, to hear both sides of the question, and not 
 to condemn unheard ; but to look after the substance, and to 
 avoid being imposed upon by the shadow !" 
 
 In return, JEM proved that he was tractable, kind, and atten- 
 tive to his uncle during his boyhood, and received those instruc- 
 tions with the right sort of impression on his mind ; namely, 
 that they were intended for his good, and future respectability in 
 life. In truth, the conduct displayed on every occasion by his 
 uncle, might be called orthodox, that is to infer, he had endea- 
 voured, to the utmost extent of his power, to " train up a child in 
 the way he should go, that when he is old, he will not depart 
 therefrom." 
 
 JAMES SPRIGHTLY, as the term goes, was viewed as a good 
 young man, and highly respected by every family to whom he 
 had had the honour of an introduction. He was not a " harem- 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 15 
 
 searem " sort of fellow who would dash at every thing-, regard- 
 less of the consequences ; nor too precise and demure, to make 
 objections where none existed. He was acquainted with several 
 young men like himself, and with them he had visited several 
 places in London openly, and well worthy of his study and ob- 
 servation ; and perhaps, others on the sly, that had much better 
 remain unknown ; but, neverthless, it should seem, that James 
 Sprightly, the darling nephew of his uncle, had come out of the 
 " dregs of iniquity " none the worse ; nay, better, much better, 
 for the visit. Yet, however, the experiment might be considered 
 dangerous. 
 
 Vice is a monster of so frightful mien, 
 
 As to be hated t needs but to be seen ; 
 
 Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, 
 
 We first endure, then pily, then embrace. 
 
 The contrast which he had witnessed between bad and gfood 
 society had so disgusted him, that, to use his own words, ""One 
 pill was more than a dose." He had been out of his " leading- 
 strings " for a year or two, that is to say, he had become a MAN 
 according to law at the precise period of twenty-one years of 
 age ; but as to " years of discretion "an undefined sort of 
 term, and for which no Act of Parliament has yet been passed, 
 to settle that most important point in the lives of both the male 
 and female sex, we are compelled to leave that " knotty point/' 
 or rather postpone it, to be settled by the conduct of Mr. James 
 Sprightly himself, at some future period of his existence. 
 
 Though not so well read in the ways of the world as his uncle, 
 yet he had paid some attention to men and manners ; and he had 
 been far from an idle observer in his walks through society. He 
 also well knew the value of circumspection and obedience. He 
 was, likewise, a tolerably good actor his entrances and exits 
 were made to a nicety ; and he had measured the ways and 
 feelings of his uncle with all the accuracy of a superior tailor, 
 who prides himself of never having mis-fitted any of his cus- 
 tomers in the whole course of his business. 
 
 Thus far they had gone on well together ; his uncle's word 
 was law, and the nephew had acted up to it, to the very spirit 
 and letter. Old Makemoney was too liberal in disposition to be 
 harsh, or to curb his nephew's feelings ; in fact, he had not wit- 
 nessed any line of conduct that had called forth from him any 
 thing* like remarks of severity. " Young men will be young 
 men/' said he, " and I do not expect to find old heads upon 
 young shoulders neither do I wish to see it ! Any thing out of 
 its place I dislike. I am more inelined to be of Sir Oliver's opi- 
 nion in the School for Scandal, in speaking of Charles Surface, 
 i For my part, I hate to see prudence clinging to the green 
 suckers of youth ; tis like ivy round a sapling, and spoils the 
 growth of the tree.' 
 
 " For myself," observed Uncle Makemoney, " when 1 was 
 
16 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 twenty years of age, my notions were rather confined and stupid, 
 but I could not perceive it then ; and not so liberal as I have since 
 wished them to have been. At thirty, my experience had then 
 taught me to view a variety of circumstances respecting- Men and 
 Manners in a totally different light ; at forty, and every suc- 
 ceeding year, I was inclined to laugh at my own ignorance to 
 draw comparisons ask myself a few questions and endeavour 
 to become and act like a useful and rational member of society. 
 
 " My situation in business, and my character getting abroad as 
 a rich man, as a matter of course introduced me to numerous cha- 
 racters in every point of view : the high born Peer the Mem- 
 ber of Parliament the Spendthrift the Deep One the poor, 
 but honest deserving character the specious, hypocritical man ; 
 and the downright swindler, &c. ; and to say that I have not been 
 imposed upon, tricked, swindled, and almost cheated, with my 
 eyes open, by artifices that I could not suspect, and plans so well 
 laid, that I was not able to detect, until too late to remedy the 
 evil therefore, I do not expect too much from young men ; 
 and if they will only listen to their elders in experience, half the 
 difficulties are overcome : at the same time I will not proclaim 
 myself a wiser man than society are inclined to give me credit 
 for but admitting, at times, I was severely pinched by such de- 
 lusions, yet ultimately they proved of good effect to my under- 
 standing, and, like a ' burnt child that dreads the fire/ I was 
 never deceived a second time, however speciously the artifice 
 might have been dressed up, on the same sort of attack." 
 
 Such was the description which Peter Makemoney gave of 
 himself, not only for the future guidance of his nephew, but 
 when seated with several young men, who were anxious to be- 
 come acquainted with the mode he had adopted to raise himself in 
 the estimation of society a desideratum, that all young persons 
 of enterprise and knowledge would feel desirous to hear, or, in other 
 words, to take a leaf out of the book of Mr. Peter Makemoney. 
 
 " Do not gamble" said his uncle, " nor get drunk for they 
 are both the forerunners of every other crime ; the drunkard is a 
 beast-besotted, and does not know, at times, what follies he com- 
 mits ; the Gamester is reckless, without a heart and plans the 
 destruction of others with as much coolness and ice-like feelings, 
 as the most routine transaction in the world therefore, a void both 
 these crimes, and my hopes and wishes will be confirmed, that 
 you will be able to make your way through life in the most 
 pleasant manner !" 
 
 " Excellent capital ! my dear uncle," answered Jem, " I 
 never heard you make a speech in the whole course of my life, 
 half so intelligible ! Good advice Banks of the Thames Trips 
 by Steam Boats Greenwich, Vauxhall, Richmond, Windsor, &c. 
 all by turns ! Variety is charming ! That's the time of day ! 
 Never fret ! Be alive ! A fig for expense ! I am delighted be- 
 yond measure !" 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 17 
 
 " Well, then, we will be off without delay ; and I have invited 
 Frank Flourish to make a third/' said his uncle ; " we cannot 
 be dull in his company !" 
 
 " I do not like to differ with you, sir, upon any subject 
 but perhaps that invitation had been better let alone," replied 
 Jem, " he is such a mixture " 
 
 " True ; but nevertheless, he is the very fellow for us," said 
 his uncle, "you will find him better than any Map, Guide, or 
 Itinerary, however correct they may be ; .and excepting- his 
 foolish nonsense, and strange peculiarities, there are^nany worse 
 acquaintances than Frank Flourish to be met with in this 
 world. He will never be at a loss if a house or a knocker is 
 at hand he accosted twenty persons in our journey to Hig-h- 
 gate, with all the familiarity of old acquaintances." 
 
 " I am satisfied, sir ; your word is law to me. If he can 
 please you, I have not the slightest objection of his being- of the 
 party. My fears were only on account that some of his follies 
 might get us into a row ; or some unpleasant dilemma ;" answer- 
 ed the nephew. 
 
 " We will risque that ; surely two of us can manage him ; 
 however, we will lecture Flourish a little on the subject, pre- 
 vious to our starting ;" said Makemoney, " and I think we can 
 make him tractable." 
 
 The other Pilgrim, Frank Flourish, Esq., invited to make 
 the Tour with them on the BANKS OF THE THAMES, was, in the 
 present state of society, termed a Character ; at least, he had 
 endeavoured to make himself somebody in the eyes of the circles 
 he visited. Frank pretended to know everything, but the real 
 fact was in the scale of talent this good opinion, which he 
 had formed of himself, was very much questioned ; but, never- 
 theless, he had mixed a great deal with the different classes of 
 society ; and abating the above sort of conceit, he shewed him- 
 self at times, as a man of some nous. 
 
 But he was uneven often upon stilts and frequently, what he 
 had vehemently urged on the previous day, he would as strenu- 
 ously deny on the next. But thenhewasricA very rich, and upon 
 that account, it was said he was endured ; indeed, it is too often 
 seen, that riches, nine times out of ten, obtain a preference in 
 society. Some of his acquaintances urged that he put on this 
 strangeness of disposition ; others, that he was not half such a 
 fool as he made himself ; indeed, various opinions had been ex- 
 pressed respecting his capability. 
 
 Yet he was a good-natured man, and not easily to be put out 
 of countenance. The assurance he possessed was enough to 
 defy brass itself. He was useful in this respect, to those per- 
 sons who might be in want of a leader ; or rather, a pioneer, to 
 clear the way for them. He would go any where ! Ask all 
 manner of questions ! and introduce himself to the greatest 
 stranger on the earth, without a blush, in the most familiar man- 
 
 D 
 
18 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 ner. Frequently, he proved himself, to a certain extent, a com- 
 plete Marplot ; and had seemed to have modelled himself after 
 the celebrated Paul Pry'! This latter hero of bronze and im- 
 pertinence, he acknowledged for his prototype ; observing-, at 
 the same time, there was something 1 very imposing- and for- 
 g-iving- about the words " I beg- pardon ! I hope I don't in- 
 trude/' And Frank thoug-ht it utterly impossible that any per- 
 son could be so cruel as to find fault with him for acting- up to 
 the polite ! 
 
 However, his personal appearance did much for him ; althoug-h 
 he did ot possess the elegant figure, nor the fine face of a Can- 
 ning- ; neither the beau ideal of a handsome man, like the late 
 Sir Thomas Lawrence ; nevertheless, there was a certain 
 something about FLOURISH, which intimated to the spectator, 
 that he was above the rank of a plebeian in society ; arid mig-ht 
 be termed, without any offence to the phrase " gentlemanly !" 
 
 Indeed, all the old and young- women pronounced him a " tine 
 man !" His taste for dress was also excellent : althoug-h, if a 
 jury of tailors were summoned to decide on that most important 
 feature at the West End of the town, we have no doubt but 
 Beau Brummel and the Baronet Sir Lumley Skeffing-ton, in 
 their zenith, would have had a decided majority in their favour, 
 as to the " cut, good taste, and prime fit " of their clothes. 
 
 But in his meridian, " the CITY," it is said, that FRANK 
 FLOURISH had it nearly all his own way ; indeed, there was 
 something of the band-box always about his appearance out of 
 doors a new made pin could not have looked better. " The 
 CITY ! Psha !" observed one of the West End to Flourish, " do 
 not talk of the City, when fashion is the topic; or else, you will 
 rapidly get below freezing point in an instant, and be laughed 
 at as a complete Goth, or Vandal ! If you must make compa- 
 risons, and introduce * the City !' talk about its ' good,' and 
 not ' fashionable men ;' and then your argument will be ad- 
 mitted sterling, and have a backer in the ' good ' Rothschild \" 
 
 FLOURISH was about five-feet, ten inches in height; arid 
 although he was a remarkably well made man, we do not in- 
 tend to urg^e that he might have been selected as a model in 
 " the Life!" at the Royal Academy. At all events, his ap- 
 pearance was prepossessing : his address was easy and confident, 
 and he entered a room amidst the most scrutinizing looks of the 
 company, with as much ease as an old actor walks over the 
 boards of a theatre in truth, he was that sort of personage 
 which the female sex give the preference to, and admire as a 
 " well-bred man \" 
 
 But if Flourish had any forte belonging to him, it was to find 
 fault with almost every thing,indeed he wished to appear rather 
 fastidious : this was the weakest part of his behaviour he 
 thought it gave him the character in the eyes of his friends and 
 the world, as a man of superior judgment. He found fault with 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 10 
 
 his Papa and Mamma, as he said, for not having- given him 
 greater abilities " they ought to have done so I have 
 found fault with myself ; and as I possess that liberality of dis- 
 position, surely I have a right to object to the behaviour of other 
 persons more especially, as I only do it in a ' critical' way, to 
 expose ignorance, and shew wisdom." Such was the outline 
 of the third Pilgrim, who was on the eve of starting- on a Pil- 
 grimag-e to improve the minds of his Majesty's liege subjects ; 
 or, that travellers see strang-e things ! 
 
 " Psha \" said Makemoney, " do not profane the word ' criti- 
 cal !' also leave ig-norance and wisdom out of the question, and 
 attend to me. Take my advice before you start : I wish you to 
 be more careful in your remarks to strangers and do not pre- 
 sume too much upon your riches and then we shall stand not 
 only a good chance of keeping out of mischief, but return home 
 in whole skins." 
 
 It had been whispered about by some of Flourish's acquaint- 
 ance, that for his impertinence he had been in danger several 
 times of being kicked horsewhipped and other degrading cir- 
 cumstances but, as no proof had appeared, and it was only 
 hearsay evidence, such reports went for nothing in the estima- 
 tion of Uncle Makemoney, or his nephew. 
 
 " Danger ! a whole skin ! never mind, my dear Sir," answered 
 Flourish, with a self-approving smile on his countenance, " you 
 will not meet with the shadow of danger in my company ; I 
 have made up my mind never to fight a duel ; although I have 
 not registered an oath in Heaven on the subject ; no, no, let 
 fools fight duels wise men know better. If ignorant people 
 will take offence, when no offence is meant it only shews a 
 want of judgment and then, I say, if they are obstinate, there 
 is the law for them. 1 am for the LAW there is time to cool 
 upon any question at issue and you can punish your opponent, 
 if not convince him, by deputy. Besides, Sir John Falstaff s opi- 
 nion has quite decided me upon such matters ; when he asserts, 
 that ' honour cannot restore a leg and discretion is the better 
 part of valour ! ' The law of the land is also against duelling ! 
 and have I not another good authority in Old Hudibras although 
 the words may have been disputed as the text of the author, yet 
 I w,ill take them for granted, and not question their import : 
 
 The cock that fights and runs away, 
 May live lo fight another day ! 
 But he that is in battle slain, 
 Will never rise to fight again. 
 
 Therefore, rest assured, my dear Makemoney, that I detest the 
 sight of a bullet ; and the smell of gunpowder, of all others, is 
 the most obnoxious to my olfactory nerves nay, quite shocking ! 
 and I will not waste another word about it. But I never can 
 become a murderer, to take away a man's life, because he differs 
 in opinion with me, is most certain. Call me coward, puppy, 
 shubbcroon, or what you may, I will never deviate from the plan 
 1 have adopted 1 will endeavour to keep the line, as you seem 
 
20 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 so very particular but we must have a little fun, quiz, and all 
 that sort of thing-, though we are Pilgrims in disguise. You used 
 not to be so tenacious, sir ; you would not make Puritans of us, 
 I am sure." 
 
 " Never fret, but keep your temper, my dear uncle," said his 
 nephew ; therefore, let us be alive get ready pack up be 
 off' sail down the Thames look out be merry and wise 
 Time is on the wing a few hours will change the scene ! No 
 chest of drawers wanting, Frank no toilette Nature un- 
 adorned carpet-bag will do clean face a cigar or two in the 
 box put on a sailor's jacket, if you like no nonsense be at 
 the scratch to a second remember, to-morrow ! Breakfast at 
 eight afloat by ten a whiif or two before we part to-night 
 grog stiff to bed soon be stirring with the lark, my good 
 fellow ! then all will be right and that is what I call the time 
 of day doing the trick, when travellers are on the move. But 
 never fret." The above sentences were all given with the ra- 
 pidity of a Goldfinch, describing the races at Newmarket. 
 
 " I shall be in time," replied Flourish, " but I should like to 
 hear the outline of our first day's trip, before we start." 
 
 " Why, my dear Frank," replied Makemoney, " the first 
 shrine that we shall pay our devoirs to will be Greenwich 
 Hospital ; the very sound of which fills my heart with love of 
 country. Well may foreigners observe, that our Hospitals are 
 palaces the compliment is a just one, but not a jot more than 
 it deserves. You will see nothing like Greenwich Hospital I 
 believe upon the Rhine, or any where else, except close to Old 
 Father Thames : but, much as I may admire it as a splendid 
 piece of architecture, its manly contents I love one hundred 
 times better ; and if you will allow me to repeat some original 
 lines from a manuscript in my possession, I think you will have 
 a correct description of it : 
 
 See that beautiful edifice 
 NATIONAL to the very echo! Where 
 Lion-hearts and lamb-like feelings are laid up 
 In ordinary? 'Tis Humanity's figure 
 Head ! The receptacle of true courage and 
 Honor ! The pride of Englishmen, and the boast 
 Of Great Britain ! Where tinrber-toes shew love of 
 Country ! And the loss of an arm displays more 
 Importance in the eye of the public than 
 The exterior of a Peerage. Here may 
 Be seen Jack Junk, of the Thunder Man-of-War, 
 Relating his battles to Bill Mainstay over 
 A glass of grog and the latter exclaiming, 
 * Aye, my ould tar, come the three quarters of the 
 World in arms, England never did, and never 
 Shall lie at the proud foot of a conqueror. 
 Give us your flipper, shipmate, and while there is 
 A plank left in the vessel, we'll stick to her, 
 And cry, Old England, for ever ! Huzza! huzza! huzza! 
 
 " Is not that NATIONAL ? " exclaimed Makemoney ; " but in 
 such matters I must confess myself an enthusiast." 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 21 
 
 " Something 1 very like it," replied Flourish, " and strictly in 
 unison with my feeling's the brave defenders of their country 
 merit every return that can be granted for their services/' 
 
 " Then, for the Park and its amusements ; also a peep at the 
 Fair, and all the et cetera that attends upon a day's adventures. 
 Nothing- shall come amiss to us ; and, as jolly Pilgrims, we will 
 mix with the holyday folks like one of the party. I love to see 
 the girls merry, and the boys happy who appear like birds out 
 of a cage; and thinking 1 , as it were, every minute an hour from box- 
 ing-day to Easter-Monday until the lively period arrives ! I was 
 once young myself, and I cannot forget the days of my boyhood." 
 
 " Glorious feelings, sir," observed Jem, " but never fret ! 
 Young ! you are young ! you will always be young, if you can 
 but think so ; you are as young as ever ! Only get on push 
 along sport a toe quick stepplease and be pleased, and 
 leave old age to those who can't help themselves. Let us be off 
 like shots hit the mark shoot flying bring down your birds 
 and that's the time of day ! 
 
 " Besides," answered his uncle, " I love to see the old pen- 
 sioners enjoying themselves : the sight of those veterans, the 
 remnant of their country's greatness, gives my mind a secret plea- 
 sure that 1 cannot communicate. It also puts me in mind of old 
 times. Well, after all, there is nothing like the old times least 
 wise, the old ones think so, and that is all the same to us. Then 
 to-morrow morning, my boys, we'll start by one of the steamers 
 enjoy the breezes from Old Father Thames land at the Hos- 
 pital stairs mix with the gay and lively throng and then 
 make ourselves as merry and comfortable as the best amongst 
 them ! Now, you have my outline on the subject." 
 
 " An outline, sir," replied Flourish, in extacy, " it is & finished 
 picture ! I am in raptures I shan't sleep a wink for thinking 
 upon it ; the mere anticipation of the pleasure and fun that we 
 shall meet with, delights me beyond measure." 
 
 " My dear, good uncle," said Jem, " may you live a thousand 
 years ! may you never die ! so look out, Flourish the Tower 
 steam-boats holyday folks pretty lasses prime boys- 
 bands of mtisic dancing singing mirth and good humour, 
 and all that sort of thing, to make our existence a treat ! Sleep, 
 did you say, Flourish ! I want no sleep I am wide awake for 
 a start delays are dangerous ! " 
 
 " Not quite so fast, 'young man," observed Makemoney, " all 
 in good time ; therefore, we'll take a glass of grog together 
 before we separate." They were all on the qui vive full of 
 anticipation. Several funny and amusing anecdotes were told 
 over the glass ; and Makemoney, who was on his mettle, every 
 now and then burst forth singing, " O ! the days when 
 I were young ! " Cigar after cigar was disposed of in quick 
 time the supper o'er all's well merry and wise and 
 " good night ! " 
 
'22 THI<: PILGRIMS OF THK T HAM KB 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 The pleasures of anticipation the Pilgrims preparing to 
 start Who's for Greenwich ? Holiday Folks ! Smiling 
 faces ; Children six feet high ; Pleasure the order of the 
 day ! The Tower recognized as an old land-mark, and 
 the Custom House praised for its magnificence. Lots of 
 Characters on board of the Steamer ! Off she goes Tin- 
 eloquent dealer in Literature (quid pro quo) the 
 luxury of a Newspaper Introduction of TIM BRONZE, 
 without being introduced ; a living Vampire and Victim 
 hunter Description of the necessary CUTS in Society 
 Secrets worth knoiving to a Young Man on his entrance 
 into life ! The soi-disant Duchess and her two daughters 
 Generals in petticoats enlisting recruits! PICTURESQUE 
 DOLEFUL, a tally undertaker, one of the woeful disciples 
 of LAVATER ; but a useful personage to ensure a decent 
 finish to the last exit ! SCAPEGRACE, a dark and terrific 
 portrait of human nature ; or, a man may smile and be a 
 villain. OLD FATHER THAMES in all his glory MAKE- 
 MONEY in extacy a bit of the NATIONAL ! A sound re- 
 ply to an Alarmist of the Olden Times ! 
 
 THE pleasures of anticipation had fastened so strongly upon 
 all their feeling's, that the Pilgrims, on retiring- to rest, had 
 rather dozed, than slept during- the night ; and who, in conse- 
 quence, left their beds at a much earlier hour than usual, 
 the time appearing to hang heavily upon their hands, until the 
 signal was given for starting so eager were they to commence 
 their Pilgrimage. 
 
 The mind of Makemoney now being as free as air, the cares of 
 business completely at an end and nothing to claim his atten- 
 tion, but pleasure and happiness he was almost as much a boy, 
 regarding the object in view, as his junior companions ; he was 
 equally as good in health, and young in spirits indeed, 
 his constitution was so unimpaired by irregularity of conduct- 
 that if he did come under the denomination of rather a " mid- 
 dle-aged " looking gentleman, he was in possession of more 
 agility and strength than most of the young men of his acquaint- 
 ance ; and he might quote from Adam, in " As You Like It," 
 with the utmost propriety and truth. 
 
 Tho' I look old, yet I am strong and lusty, 
 
 For in my youth I never did apply 
 
 Hot and rebellious liquors in my blood : 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 23 
 
 Nor did I with unbashful forehead woo 
 The means of weakness and debility ; 
 Therefore my age is as a lusty winter 
 Frosty, but kindly : let me go wi h you, 
 I'll do the service of a younger man 
 In all your business and necessities. 
 
 The Pilgrims met tog-ether at breakfast in high spirits. " Now, 
 my boys, brother Pilgrims," said Makemoney, "the time is 
 arrived, and the game is in view, as the anxious sportsman says, 
 when the hunter's horn invites him to the chase ; therefore, let 
 us understand each other to be free, jovial, and all that sort of 
 thing- ; but at the same time, let our conduct be such, that we 
 may not have to reflect upon it with regret !" 
 
 " Reflect ! regret! perish such phrases," replied Flourish in a 
 high tone of extacy, " and substitute in their stead, pleasure ! I 
 am sure we shall have to remember our Pilgrimag-e with ex- 
 tacy it will form a delig-htful epoch in our lives. We shall 
 enjoy the picturesque g-et more acquainted with the National 
 obtain a better insig-ht into character and meet with lots of 
 adventures. We do not mean to g-o hand over head ; but to 
 enjoy every circumstance that crosses our path, with interest and 
 g-ood humour. 
 
 " Never fret, my dear uncle," observed Jem, " we are the 
 proper sort of folks to do what is right to each other ; I am 
 quite aware what you mean that is, to stear clear of what is 
 vulg-arly termed, ' larking ;' but do not let us mar our trip 
 with any thing- like^cold, icy sort of feeling's rig-id propriety- 
 caution fear to be as demure as an old nurse at a christening-, 
 and to be afraid to look and act for ourselves. No, let us enter 
 into the scene with all the spirit it deserves : 
 
 We are the boys, 
 
 That fear no noise 
 
 Where thundering cannons rattle. 
 
 " Well, let it be so," replied Makemoney, full of jollity 
 " I merely threw out a hint ; and I shall not sermonise, as you 
 call it, any more on the subject." 
 
 The clock had struck eleven, when the Pilgrims sallied forth 
 for the scene of action ; but they were full early at the Wharf, 
 acting- upon the excellent maxims of Makemoney, always to 
 have a quarter of an hour to spare, rather than be five minutes 
 too late by which means they had some time to make a few re- 
 marks, and look about them, before the last bell gave warning 
 that the steamer was ready to start. 
 
 " This bustling scene is delig-htfully interesting- to me," said 
 Makemoney, as the holyday folks, young- and old, were pushing- 
 along- towards the steamer ; " pleasure seems to sit upon every 
 brow, and shews the necessity and great advantages derived 
 from relaxation not only upon the minds and habits of the 
 persons employed in business, but in a political point of view. 
 
24 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 Relaxation, properly directed, tends towards the preservation 
 of good order and obedience to the laws produces content- 
 ment, and adds stamina and security to the Government. I like 
 to see the middling- classes of society enjoy themselves without 
 restraint ; and if some of them do appear for a short time as 
 wild as birds out of a cage, they, nevertheless, in general, re- 
 turn to their duty with pleasure and alacrity. I shall always 
 support those good old customs. See the apprentice boy, more 
 happy than the prince in fact, the higher walks of life can- 
 not possess such real feelings of enjoyment the journeyman, 
 equally alive to a day's pleasure, and independent in mind and 
 conduct as the first peer in the realm and the shopkeeper, 
 relaxing from the fatigues of business, quits his counter 
 with all the importance and feeling of a man in the first station 
 in the country. The votary of pleasure, too, in order to occupy 
 a few leisure hours to pick up something new, may be seen, 
 incog., viewing the habits and manners of the middling and 
 lower classes of society ; the caricaturist, who is on the alert 
 to sketch new characters after nature ; and the pretty lasses, 
 full of love and anticipation to enjoy a day's pleasure with their 
 sweethearts. The name of Greenwich its hill, and unrivalled 
 park, which nothing can excel is the great focus of attraction." 
 
 " That's the time of day, uncle," replied Jem, " they are not 
 only excellent remarks, but full of liberality, and permit me to 
 second them : it is also a convincing proof to me the advantages 
 to the mind of mixing with the different grades of society." 
 
 Flourish had scarcely put his foot on board, before he ob- 
 served, " Aye, there is my old acquaintance, the Tower, but not 
 altered a brick in appearance since I was a youngster. The 
 Tower is always a sort of land-mark to me on my exit or en- 
 trance into London ; but that is a splendid building, I must con- 
 fess," looking through his eye-glass at the Custom-House ; " but 
 a friend of mine, a very accurate creature to a dot, tells me it is 
 not half so big, nor any thing like such an elegant ssructure as 
 the Customs on the banks of the Liffey ! That is strange, too, 
 I think " 
 
 " Don't think about it, Frank/' replied Makemoney, rather 
 sharply, " Make no more foolish remarks ! What is the use of 
 large premises, elegant, perhaps in point of architecture ; but as 
 to importance in the eyes of the merchant, mere empty shew, if 
 there is no business to support them. But " 
 
 Here the argument was cut short, owing to the bustle of the 
 scene, and also by the volubility of a man in the character of a 
 newsman, with a handfull of morning newspapers, who thus ad- 
 dressed Makemoney : " Don't you want a newspaper, Sir ! I can 
 suit every body ! I am like the Public Ledger, open to all par- 
 ties, and influenced by none ; and I am decidedly in favour of the 
 Liberty of the Press. Here is the cream of all the talent in the 
 Metropolis for you the advantages of information and the 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 25 
 
 power of knowledge. News from the four quarters of the world : 
 Let me say to you, Ladies and Gentlemen, that reading- a 
 newspaper early in the morning-, is like unto a gun charged in 
 the hands of a sportsman, who is prepared to make a hit, and 
 bring down his bird : which, on the other hand, may be com- 
 pared to the reader, who goes forth and scatters the contents of 
 his knowledge for the benefit of numerous companies. The mind 
 must be fed as well as the body ; therefore, to those persons 
 that require literary food, I present myself as their caterer. 
 All persons, you know, sir, must live in this world ; and they 
 must work, too, according to that New Poor Law Act ! But 
 no matter it is of no use to grumble, I suppose; yet I hope 
 there is room for us all. So, my worthy masters, here they are, 
 pick and choose, from the Great Giant down to the Tap-tub ! 
 all piping hot from the machines containing important debates in 
 both Houses of Parliament foreign news crim. con. intelli- 
 gence, theatricals, police, murder, rapes, &c. Do buy one, sir 
 you cannot lay out your money better ! A newspaper is one of 
 the most amusing things in the world positively a luxury un- 
 der any circumstance ; but on board of a steamer, you are at the 
 end of your journey before you can say Jack Robinson." 
 
 " The Giant and the .Tap-tub ! " echoed Makemoney, smiling 
 " they are curious designations, arn't they, Mr. Newsman ? " 
 
 " They are nick-names, I admit, sir/' replied the newsman ; 
 " but there are giants as well as pigmies in literature. It is a 
 sort of cant which runs through society but, nevertheless, 
 such designations sometimes apply with more effect, and give a 
 better character to a man or a book, than words of a more com- 
 monplace description. But for my own reading, sir, I am for 
 quality instead of quantity ; but taste is every thing ; and some 
 writers have the power of communicating in a few lines what 
 others cannot effect in three columns : therefore, sir, I am for 
 brevity." 
 
 " You are a critic/' said Makemoney. 
 
 " Not in the slightest degree, sir," observed the vender of 
 newspapers. " I run here I go there I pick up what I can 
 I hear sensible men argufy the topic on most subjects of the 
 day, and I lose nothing. I have no pretensions to be a critic, 
 but I am an observer a plain matter-of-fact man nothing 
 more and only read as I run and I am always on the trot ; 
 therefore, I have no time to digest any of the articles : indeed, 
 I may say, I swallow them by wholesale, and retail them to my 
 customers afterwards." 
 
 " You are an amusing fellow, at all events," replied Make- 
 money, " and if any man can sell a newspaper, I should think 
 you are the person to procure customers." 
 
 " You flatter me, sir," said the newsman, " but what little I 
 know is owing, in a great measure, to the rapid strides of the 
 march of intellect ; a kind of railway-road of communication to 
 
26 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 our peri crani urns. Our eyes are clearer than heretofore, our ears 
 are 100 per cent, of more advantage to us, and listen with more 
 interest ; and our minds, sir, are divested of prejudice we are 
 more liberal in our decisions such are the advantages and bless- 
 ing's of a free press! What shall I do for you ? here is the Giant, 
 sir, or " 
 
 " The Giant, as you call it, "replied Makemoney, " is a great 
 creature, I must admit, for talent and early information ; but 
 since I have been man and boy for the last forty years, it has 
 made as many leaps, backwards and forwards, as Harlequin, 
 and quite as many changes, and become as party-coloured as his 
 jacket it blows hot and cold with the same mouth and vacil- 
 lating, to answer particular purposes, to the end of the chapter 
 it can turn, turn, and turn again, and yet be a newspaper ! 
 No I must have a more stable commodity for my money, Mr. 
 Newsman." 
 
 " All rig-lit, I dare say, sir, as I perceive you look before you 
 leap/' answered the seller of newspapers ; " and very proper, 1 
 make no doubt. But, nevertheless, I like to tell my customers 
 what they are going 1 to get for their money. 1 have, sir, a 
 character to lose : My name is Jack, the publisher, but 
 more familiarly known and called ' the walking index ; or 
 steam boat fcmpanion ;' but 1 am scarcely allowed to get forty 
 winks during the night, and a peep-o'-day boy into the bargain. 
 However, 1 do not wish to appear here, sir, like a counsellor 
 without his brief therefore, I skims over the contents of each 
 newspaper before I brings them put of the office ; by which 
 means, as the actors say, I am up in the part ; and I then know 
 what 1 have in store for my worthy patrons the Whigs, the 
 Tories, Conservatives, the Radicals, Independents, &c. I have no 
 doubt, sir, but amongst your acquaintances, you are a very great 
 quidnunc I hope without offence ; but as that is neither here 
 nor there, only let me recommend to your notice the Tap-tub ; 
 I beg your honor's pardon, I should have said the Morning 
 Advertiser. But it is a nick-name given to that paper by the 
 vulgar part of society ; because it is supported by the publicans 
 of the Metropolis. It is, how r ever, an excellent paper greatly 
 improved ; and for my individual reading, I like it the best of any; 
 it has numerous paragraphs, and a tiny bit of every thing that 
 is going on in London, and you are not deluged with Parliamen- 
 tary news. Besides, it ought to have the support of every body." 
 " Why so 1" asked Makemoney, " does it display greater 
 talent than any other newspaper? Are the articles better 
 written ?" 
 
 " Not that I am aware of, sir/' replied Jack, the publisher ; 
 " but I will leave the talents of the writers to speak for them- 
 selves. However, I am always anxious to promote its sale, for 
 the best of all reasons. Out of the profits of the Morning 
 Advertiser, a school has been established for many years, for the 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 27 
 
 sons and daughters of indigent or deceased publicans, and up- 
 wards of a hundred and fifty boys and girls are entirely supported 
 besides the best education that can be procured for them." 
 
 " This is a recommendation for the Morning- Advertiser, I 
 must confess," said Makemoney. 
 
 " It is a magnificent building in Kennington Lane ; arid it 
 would do your heart good, sir, to behold it it is worthy the 
 name of a palace/' observed the newsman. " Besides this splen- 
 did work of charity, several alms-houses have been erected in 
 the Kent Road, for the reception of the aged, infirm, and dis- 
 tressed publicans and their widows with a most liberal allow r - 
 ance for their comfort and support. Therefore, sir, to the 
 utmost of my abilities, I will promote the interest of a news- 
 paper which has for its stimulus the protection of youth from 
 beggary, if not crime ; and ultimately sends them forth into the 
 world as good, and enlightened members of society. Too much 
 cannot be said for such a meritorious institution and which 
 leaves all par # -matters at an immeasurable distance." 
 
 " Bravo!'* exclaimed Makemoney, "you are a philanthropist 
 give me the Morning Advertiser, and there is half-a-crown 
 for yourself. Good feelings at all times ought to be encouraged, 
 and I will never take a glass of wine at an inn, or a public- 
 house, but I will recommend to their notice a newspaper so 
 laudably established, and which exhibits so muchr humanity to- 
 wards the orphan and distressed child. But you ought to (have 
 been a member of parliament, instead of a new r sman ; for I am 
 sure, from the manner you have told your story, you would cut a 
 much better figure than many M. P's. I could mention. Ha ! 
 ha ! You are eloquence personified." 
 
 " Thank you, sir, for the compliment/' replied the news- 
 man, " I wish you a pleasant trip a fine day and plenty of 
 fun/' He then touched his hat, and scampered off to another 
 part of the vessel, to sell the remainder of his papers. 
 
 Makemoney immediately retired to the most unfrequented 
 part of the steamer, to read, or rather devour the contents of the 
 newspaper " Without which/' he said, " he always appeared 
 at fault, and in want of something the whole of the day." Our 
 uncle perfectly coincided with the chattering newsman, that a 
 well-conducted newspaper was one of the greatest luxuries to 
 the mind in the w T hole field of literature ; the variety of topics 
 for argument it produced, immense ; and the transitions from 
 grave to gay, were pleasant in the extreme. No man, he urged, 
 wanted company when he had a newspaper with him. The 
 stocks, and list of bankrupts, were his first objects of perusal, 
 as a man of business then the neiv publications, just like tin old 
 coachman likes to hear the smack of the whip, he had an eye 
 to what was going on in the trade and lastly, the et cetera, 
 until the whole of the columns were disposed of ; in fact, he w r as 
 a complete literary glutton in this respect. 
 
28 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 During the time Makemoney was making* a meal of the Morn- 
 ing Advertiser, the two other Pilgrims, Frank and Jem, were on 
 the alert, viewing the crowd and entrance of the passengers on 
 
 beard of the steamer, tumbling in, as the old saying has it, 
 
 thick and three-fold. " Here are lots of characters/' cocking 
 up his eye-glass, said Flourish, on the titter ;' '" and I must have 
 a touch at some of them during our short voyage to Greenwich. 
 I have got a page or two open for them in my pretty little note 
 book, for the amusement of my friends at some future period. 
 Hallo ! I must not be quite so fast ! The coast is not so clear as 
 I could wish. I perceive an old enemy of mine on board, and if 
 I do not ' sheer off/ a broadside will be the result/' 
 
 " Surely, you do not mean to assert that you are afraid of 
 a bailiff/' said Jem, " or a dun ?" 
 
 " A bailiff, or a dun ? Psha ! They are trifles, and may be set- 
 tled with, on knowing the amount of their demand ?" replied 
 Flourish ; " but the enemy I mean, if he does not upon the pre- 
 sent occasion assume the shape of a water pirate, he is well 
 known as a land shark, and bites at every thing within his reach." 
 
 " I cannot understand you," answered Jem ; " you are speak- 
 ing in parables." 
 
 " Well, then, I will soon enlighten your understanding," 
 replied Flourish ; " you see that tall shabby-genteel looking 
 man, who has p-ot the Captain of the vessel in tow, and who 
 appears to be laughing heartily at his remarks ; his name is 
 TIMOTHY BRONZE, but familiarly called Tim, and I, unfortu- 
 nately, know him. He is a complete sturdy beggar: I never 
 knew any thing like him : he will not be shook off at any price. 
 I have tried to CUT him in all directions, but in vain : He is 
 well known in the fashionable circles by the title of ' CuT-and- 
 (7ome-again !' and I verily believe if you could cut Tim in half 
 one part or the other would attack you perhaps both ! 
 
 " No doubt but you have heard of a celebrated broken-down 
 man of fortune, who was so reduced in a pecuniary point of 
 view as to assume the character of ' Jeremy Diddler' off the 
 stage ; and who made it his boast that he had borrowed in single 
 shillings from his friends and acquaintances (otherwise victims), 
 to the tune of FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS !" 
 
 " I think I have heard my uncle" said Jem " speak of such 
 a character as you have just described." 
 
 " Be that as it may," replied Flourish, " I am sure BRONZE is 
 a greater warrior in point of levying contributions on his friends ! 
 He first requests the loan of a few pounds until he comes down 
 to coppers he is worse than a horse-leech he will bleed you 
 to death ; and if you do not relieve his wants he will abuse you 
 in a sort of pathetic style, and so work upon your feelings that 
 it is almost impossible to resist his importunities. But Bronze 
 has lost every thing like the feelings of modesty and, to get 
 rid of his company, you must purchase his absence. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 29 
 
 " He is a troublesome customer," answered Jem, " at all 
 events ; but are you acquainted with his origin ?" 
 
 " He commenced life with a decent property ; and his parents 
 were gentlefolks ; but, from a wrong- bias, he not only disposed 
 of his patrimony in a few years, but he got twice the amount in 
 debt with his tradesmen ; and, for a long time, ' John Doe and 
 Richard Roe' were continually in pursuit of him. The King's 
 Bench Fleet Horsemonger Lane arid Whitecross Street Pri- 
 sons, in succession, were his lodgings after he had lost house and 
 land ; but, nevertheless, when shut out from his extens ve range 
 of society, and confined to a small space within the gates of a 
 prison even amongst the wretchedly distressed, needy, and 
 starving debtors he found out VICTIMS ; nay more, he had the 
 art, and possessed the soft tones of persuasion in so great a de- 
 gree, that, steeled as the minds of the persons who sold articles 
 of provision in the prison might be against credit, from the nu- 
 merous tricks that had been practised on their credulity yet 
 Bronze with the utmost sang froid got into their debt by 
 which he acquired a second title " THE VICTIM HUNTER \" 
 
 " He must be a clever fellow," said Jem, " thus to impose 
 upon people ; Indeed, a person with such talents it is almost 
 impossible to be on your guard against/ 5 
 
 " His stories are not only well told, but well timed ;" an- 
 swered Flourish, " and his anecdotes pointed and rich ; and his 
 knowledge of life and character, superlative. He makes him- 
 self a feature in every company ; and appears to be perfectly at 
 home, if seated by the side of a sweep, and not at a loss 
 when in the company of a senator ! It has been said of Bronze, 
 that he had the art of persuasion so much at his command, as 
 almost to seduce a bird from a tree. In company with him you 
 forget his rogueries although he tells them about his friends 
 A. andB. but so pleasantly, that he must be a stoic indeed who 
 does not join in the laugh. Excepting debts, Bronze never did 
 any thing to affect his personal liberty ; and it must be low- 
 water mark indeed with him amongst the " Sufferers" if he 
 appears in public badly dressed." 
 
 " Then that is the case with him now/' said Jem, " for all the 
 nap appears to have been brushed off both his hat and coat !" 
 
 " I have no doubt but he has victimized so many Sufferers, 
 that he has not a chance left amongst them : his memory, ex- 
 cepting what he owes, is of the most tenacious description : in- 
 deed, several of his victims have offered to make a bet, that if 
 it suited his purpose, and an object was to be gained by it that 
 he would retail Sir Richard Phillips' MILLION OF FACTS, with- 
 out a halt ! 
 
 " He likewise makes it a point with himself to read every 
 BOOK that is likely to give him the lead in conversation ; it is 
 impossible to compete with him he is a cold, calculating fellow, 
 and I would almost swear, that his last thoughts at night, and 
 
30 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES. 
 
 the first in the morning were to get the whip-hand of every- 
 body ! I have been punished severely for my credulity !" 
 
 " To a weak mind," said Jem. " this Bronze must be a dan- 
 gerous acquaintance ; and, according to your statement, he swin- 
 dles you first, and then laughs at you afterwards." 
 
 " A sensible man, aye, and one of experience, he deceives with 
 the utmost dexterity," answered Flourish : "over his cup of 
 coffee he literally devours the contents of the Penny Magazine, 
 Chambers' Journal, &c. His manners are prepossessing, and he 
 is polite to the echo. The slightest acquaintance he attacks 
 first under the name of a loan ; and to those persons that he 
 has ' done brown,' as the term goes, he begs them to place it 
 to the benevolent and humane account, under the name of ' a 
 gift.' Besides, you are aware, sir, that ' Charity covereth a 
 multitude of sins." 
 
 " You cannot hide yourself," said Jem " let him come. I 
 do not mind a shilling* or two, just to have a specimen of his 
 talents how he carries on the war ! I perceive he has re- 
 cognized your person, as he is approaching towards us." 
 
 " You w.ll regret it," answered Flourish ; " he wants anew 
 victim, and you will suit his purpose." 
 
 BRONZE now addressed Flourish, in his pathetic style, by 
 saying, " Hard up, you see, sir ! (pointing to his clothes) Dress 
 bad ! tailors thy ! the world cruel ! old friends have bad 
 memories ! every thing is turned upside down friendsh : p, 
 attachment, and respect, positively kicked out of doors ! ge- 
 nerosity only known by name ! hearts have changed their 
 sides, and feeling did I use such an obsolete term ? I beg 
 pardon nothing else but sentiment remains for the unfor- 
 tunate ! " 
 
 " Ton my honor, Mr. Bronze," said Flourish, " if this state- 
 ment be true, " the world is turned upside down, indeed/' 
 
 " But what are my troubles to any other person ! " answered 
 Bronze, with a deep-fetched sigh. " There was a time, Mr. 
 Flourish, when I was in my prosperity ! Ah, that's gone 
 by ! but now I have that within (placing his hand on his 
 heart) which passeth show ! (Then whispering to Flourish, 
 but audible enough for young Sprightly to hear) I have not 
 broken my fast to-day ; and the steward has brushed by me so 
 often with tuch delicious-looking plates of ham and beef, new- 
 laid eggs, &c., which have made me so faint and ill, and also 
 rendered me desperate, that I have been almost tempted to 
 throw myself overboard ! But suicide ! You know suicide is 
 quite out of my taste, more especially a watery grave ! No, 
 no I must not disgrace the character of my ancestors, but go 
 down to the family vault in a regular " hicjacet" manner. But 
 if 1 am wretched myself, to see my friend, Frank Flourish, Esq., 
 look so well, is an unspeakable pleasure and happiness." 
 
 Notwithstanding the character given of Bronze by Flourish 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 31 
 
 to Jem, for insinuation and plausibility, and the caution also 
 not to be led away by his artifices, yet the latter was so touched 
 by his pathetic mode of delivery, his piteous-looking 1 face, and 
 his mournful gestures, that almost unconsciously he slipped 
 half-a-crown into the hand of Bronze. The countenance of the 
 latter instantly changed to a smile ; he made Jem a most pro- 
 found bow, observing', " I perceive, sir, you are a perfect gen- 
 tleman ; and that generosity and g-ood feelings are not altoge- 
 ther banished from society. Accept, likewise, sir, my best 
 thanks, nay, gratitude ; and I am now enabled to defy the taunts 
 of the steward, with his passings and re-passing's of plates of 
 ham, &c." bowing- himself out of sig'ht. 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! you really, Jem," said Flourish, " must ex- 
 cuse my laug-hing* so heartily at your expence I was certain 
 such would be the fact. He has duped by his representations 
 of misery much more experienced persons than you can profess 
 to be. Bronze is an excellent actor : he is master of the pas- 
 sions, and can laugh or cry, just as the scene may require his 
 exertions. For this time, I must say that you have only paid for 
 your learning- ; but, depend upon it, he will make more attacks 
 upon your feeling's ; therefore, I once more advise you to be on 
 your g-uard." 
 
 " Never fret ! " replied Jem, " I did it with the best inten- 
 tions. His tale was so well told, that I confess I was off' my 
 guard ; but, nevertheless, I will not make any promises, as it 
 appears to me that a man like Bronze, who has studied the 
 weakness of human nature, may almost, with his capabilities, 
 talk you over to any thing- he may advance: however, I will 
 keep a g-ood look out, should he ' try it on ' with me in future): 
 that is as much as I can promise." 
 
 " Once more, my fiiend," answered Flourish, " let me give 
 you the benefit of my experience. Bronze has told you that the 
 world is turned upside down I deny this position in toto the 
 world is not chang-ed in the slightest degree the dress and 
 fashion of the exterior of mankind may have undergone some 
 revolution but the mind the feeling's and the general con- 
 duct of society respecting- particular occurrences will always 
 remain the same. PROPERTY will ever claim respect and atten- 
 tion ; the idea of gain is paramount with most men but broken 
 down men of fashion ruined g-amesters spendthrifts, and 
 thoughtless fellows, an acquaintance with whom can produce 
 little else but loss of time as well as money must expect to 
 meet with rebuffs and the once-welcome door is shut against 
 them, as a natural, if not a sensible consequence and they are 
 only recognized to be neglected !" 
 
 ft Such advice," replied Jem, " must be invaluable at all times 
 therefore, proceed, and I shall listen to you with the most pro- 
 found attention." 
 
 " The world is not changed," said Flourish ; " thing's g-o on 
 
32 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 as usual ; St. Paul's stands on the same bit of ground ; and 
 Regent Street has not altered its course a jot ! It is the Man 
 that is changed ! Bronze is metamorphosed into the sturdy beg- 
 gar the once-dashing swell on the town has now spent all his 
 money and the out-door Pauper only remains. Squandering 
 and economy are features like borrowing and lending must 
 always be the same. He is compelled to live upon his own re- 
 sources therefore, invention is all the capital he has to work 
 upon- and new schemes must be resorted to daily to carry on the 
 war of contributions : borrowing is now become so familiar to 
 him that he will not be refused and he almost insists upon 
 the loan with the authority of a demand ; without you have 
 resolutely made up your mind to ' cut him off' on the instant ; 
 for if you parley with him only a second, it is ten to one but he 
 carries his point. His manners and conversation are so interest- 
 ing, that the cash is almost insensibly extracted from your pocket ! 
 But you must positively learn the SWORD EXERCISE, which I 
 will teach you without the use of a sword the CUTS of which 
 will prove far more severe than any blade of steel, made by the 
 first cutler in the Kingdom then give ear to a short history of 
 the different CUTS that whenever you are assailed by any per- 
 son like Bronze you may cut him in the following style, as cir- 
 cumstances may require. If you can, in the first instance, pro- 
 duce a CUT severe enough to prevent the intruder ' Come-ing 
 again !' That I should pronounce the CUT glorious !" 
 
 " The shy CUT! or, I am off '! ( Pointing.) < That's the 
 way to the Refuge for the Destitute !' as if you were showing 
 some person the way to that institution. 
 
 " The won't see CUT ! or, I have no notion of always looking 
 at one object ! This cut ought to be got by rote, and always 
 at the fingers' end of a young rich man, entering into life 
 according to the good old proverb, ' None are so blind as them 
 that won't see !' This will prevent a great deal of trouble. 
 
 " The half-nod CUT ! that is to say, when you are compelled, 
 positively compelled, just to give a wink ; in case you cannot 
 bolt without it. 
 
 " The 'pon my honor CUT ! 'Pon my soul, Charles, you are so 
 much altered that I really did not know you ! I am in great 
 haste! You must excuse me! Good bye, I wish you well !' 
 But remember that you do not stop to hear a word of reply ; 
 but cut, and be off like a shot. 
 
 " The apology CUT ! that is, whenever you are charged with 
 knowing any person that you are ashamed of. ' Why, I can't 
 say I ever saw the fellow before ! True ! I have met him in 
 tolerable company at that period, it was very well ; he then 
 had a carriage fine house, and all that sort of thing, which 
 characterised the gentleman ; but now the case is altered. 
 
 They do say, that but, no matter, he is become quite a 
 
 wretch ! It is impossible to stand it ! Bob is worse than a 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 33 
 
 blood-sucker ! You must riot be thought to know such folks ! 
 1 am quite right ! Poverty is a d d bad acquaintance, even in 
 Sunday clothes, and the sooner it is CUT the better." 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! upon my word," said Jem, " there is some- 
 thing so impressive and judicious in your advice, that I must en- 
 deavour to adopt it." 
 
 " Adopt it ! " cried Flourish ; " if you do not adopt it, you 
 will soon become a nice victim for the deep Bronze and his asso- 
 ciates ! I must now inform you of the I AGO CUT (that is, be- 
 hind the back vulgarly termed back-biting), and the crudest 
 cut of them all : but then you know, as Shakspeare says, ' we 
 must be cruel, only to be kind ! ' I act upon it, morning, noon, 
 and night ; indeed, I would not set up my opinion in opposition 
 to such unanswerable authority. I am now giving the lago CUT 
 to Bronze. But, hold I see him returning to us." 
 
 Bronze appeared in great agitation, and seemed rather to hesi- 
 tate a short time something like an actor making himself up 
 for a part the more to betray a sort of unhappiness of mind, to 
 give effect to the deceit he was about to practise on Sprightly : 
 his face, in unison with h's actions, was a picture of sorrow. He 
 thus addressed his victim : " I really am ashamed ; nay, I beg 
 ten thousand pardons, sir but necessity cruel necessity has no 
 law. Therefore, to be brief, I cannot pay my fare. In my hurry 
 to be in time, I left my purse on my dressing-table I am mor- 
 tified beyond description at my carelessness and stupidity. It is 
 devilish annoying, an't it, sir ? If it is not inconvenient to you 
 to lend me half a crown, it would be new life to me at the pre- 
 sent moment. I will return it, 'pon my honor honor with me 
 is a sacred virtue ! and when I get back to town, consider the 
 loan in your pocket. If the amount of the fare was a pound or 
 two," assuming an air of importance, " I would tell the captain 
 of the steamer to call upon me ; but it is such a trifle, it would 
 make one look so perfectly ridiculous, that I am sure, sir, you 
 are too much of a man of respectability although I am a stranger 
 to you, but well known to your friend, Squire Flourish to let 
 me be left in pledge, and become the derision of the passengers 
 for so small a sum. I have the feelings of a gentleman, rest as- 
 sured, and this painful moment touches me to the quick if I 
 
 but my silence must speak the rest." 
 
 " Well, sir/' replied Sprightly, " I cannot resist the appeal, 
 and I shall trust to your honor. Here is the half-crown." 
 
 " Spare my remarks, sir," answered Bronze, putting up his 
 handkerchief to his eyes ; " I am overwhelmed with gratitude 
 my heart is too big God bless you, noble young man ! I can- 
 not utter one word more ! " He then hopped off, with the agility 
 of a dancing-master, to the further end of the vessel in an in- 
 stant, laughing in his sleeve at his success in thus victimising 
 the friend of Flourish a second time." 
 
 " Bravo ! " exclaimed Flourish, smiling, " I must give Bronze 
 
 F 
 
34 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 credit for his inventive talents at the same time, I detest his 
 rogueries. But he has not done with you yet awhile you are 
 too good a subject for him : he will make another attempt, and 
 he will almost stand kicking before you can shake him off. 1 
 will give you an instance. Bronze has served me much worse, 
 as to attacks upon my purse : but at length I detected his real 
 character I then became decided, and gave him the Cut, FINALE ! 
 as I thought, but to no purpose. The last resource I had left 
 was to put myself into a great rage, in order to get rid of him 
 when I urged that I was sorry to see that he had lost sight of the 
 character of a man and a gentleman ; that he had also become a 
 downright sturdy beggar ; nay,' more, a mean, contemptible 
 wretch an accomplished swindler and I wanted words to ex- 
 press my hatred of his conduct and if he would give me a 
 penny, I would give him five pounds, if ever he provoked me to 
 speak to him again during my life." 
 
 " Such heart-breaking words, which were enough to excite a 
 stone almost to enter into a combat for defence of character, had 
 riot the slightest effect upon his feelings - neither did they alter 
 his countenance at all ; and he replied, with the utmost sang 
 froid, ' You are angry now, Squire Flourish out of temper 
 with the unfortunate, distressed, miserably afflicted Bronze. 
 Something, I am sure, has ruffled your disposition, but, never- 
 theless, you shall not excite me to quarrel with my best friend ! 
 No, no, I know better ; and when we meet again, you will be 
 more yourself, and have banished the circumstance from your 
 mind/ And you saw that he came up to me with the most per- 
 fect assurance, as if nothing had happened between us ; there- 
 fore, let us cut all discourse about the most incorrigible Diddler 
 in the world. Only beware of the third attack." 
 
 " With all my heart/' said Sprightly. " I am ready to take 
 another view ; and a more pleasing part of the picture already 
 presents itself. Here are some dashing females in sight, and who 
 appear to me to be out of place, but worthy of our attention." 
 
 " To be sure they are," replied Flourish, " and this already is 
 one of the advantages resulting from our pilgrimage a sort of 
 preface to the view of mankind which we have pictured to our- 
 selves : indeed, we might have lingered at home by our fire- 
 sides, until we had literally been devoured up by ennui, and 
 lost sight of every thing like taste and spirit. Still-life 
 will not do for my book ; I am for the reality of the thing. I love 
 to meet with speaking eyes ruby lips pearly teeth palpitating 
 bosoms rosy cheeks animated countenances fine figures 
 elegant address sensible minds and nothing else but lively in- 
 teresting companions, exactly after the manner of the poet 
 
 ' Heaven in her eye 
 In all her gestures dignity and love.' " 
 
 " Is not this ebullition of yours, Flourish, rather of too roman- 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 35 
 
 tic a description ? " said Sprightly ; " a fancy sketch too rho- 
 domontade " 
 
 " Not a bit, my dear boy woman is a complete romance alto- 
 gether. I have studied the sex I am well read in all their lit- 
 tle tricks and fancies, calculated to make conquests and enslave 
 the unwary ; in fact, I am armed at all points when a woman is 
 the theme. Therefore/' observed Flourish, " look to me, and 
 you will be out of harm's way." 
 
 " If that is the fact," replied Sprightly, " then your judgment 
 and advice must be invaluable ; but, according to my reading on 
 the subject, I have always understood that women have not only 
 proved the greatest conquerors, and better generals than the 
 men, but some of our wisest creatures have been outwitted by 
 them." 
 
 " Yes, in the antique school a century or two, or more, such 
 things have occurred,! believe ; but in modern times, that feature 
 is completely altered experience has made fools wise ; and men 
 are not tricked as heretofore. The sex, in general, in the hands 
 of a skilful man, are almost reduced to mere playthings. True, 
 they may enjoy their hours of coquetry revel in flirtation and 
 have a host of danglers in their train ; but women now are short- 
 lived as to any thing like sovereign power." 
 
 " I hope, I may find it so," said Sprightly, " but I confess I 
 am more inclined to be a sceptic, than otherwise. However, you 
 have now an opportunity of giving me a taste of your quality. 
 The ladies are before you, and I claim your opinion." 
 
 " You shall have it," replied Flourish, putting up his glass ; 
 " fat, fair, and forty, at all events ; verging, perhaps, toward 
 sixty ; but imposing as to outside appearance, and duchess like ; 
 though not of peerage-quality, I dare be sworn ; however, I am 
 not exactly decided on the latter point. Duchesses and persons 
 of high rank, seldom honor plebeians with their presence ex- 
 cepting in election matters." 
 
 " You have overshot the mark, I am sure, as to age," observed 
 Sprightly, " her corpulency rather tends to put more years on 
 her T,ooks, "than she really possesses. I would say thirty ; and 
 under forty, I would wager a dozen of wine. But in other 
 respects, I have my doubts. Yet, I would ask, why not a 
 duchess have a little freak on the sly, as well as my lord duke 
 incog, to take a peep at human nature in her holiday clothes ? 
 It is a sort of masquerading, only without concealing the 
 face." 
 
 " I may have been, perhaps, a little too fast concerning her 
 antiquity ; but then she is dished-up so much after what is 
 termed /am6-fashion, that a better judge than myself might be 
 deceived. Her colour is excellent, if it is real ; and her face, 
 rather inclines to the term of handsome ; however, at all events, 
 it is well got up, if my tell-tale glass does not deceive me ; to be 
 sure there is something more like the Hottentot Venus about her 
 
36 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 person, than the Venus di Medici ; but that circumstance, I 
 am inclined to admit, is more her misfortune, than to be viewed 
 as a failing- : yet, what art could do for her, has been done ; and 
 after all, 1 must say, she is a ' tight article/ in spite of her bulky 
 appearance. 
 
 " Fashion, extreme fashion, has been studied from her head to 
 her feet ; and style predominates, whether becoming- or not. 
 Her fingers covered with rings, and her gloves taken off every 
 now and then, to show their value to the eyes of her astonished 
 spectators ; which, to my taste, appertains too much towards 
 the * vulgar.' But, nevertheless, she appears to nod with some- 
 thing- like grace ; and there is also something- about her smiles, 
 air, and carriage, that denotes she has mixed with g-ood society ! 
 in short, I am determined to ' make her out.' Greenwich, at 
 holiday time, is very questionable ; surely, she cannot be destin- 
 ed for the Park ? I would say, most likely for Gravesend, Mar- 
 gate, Dover, or, perhaps, the opposite coast, her intended 
 route to Paris ; and sheer necessity may have compelled her to 
 take her passage on board this steamer, on account of saving time. 
 No matter, I will find her out. Let Frank Flourish alone, for his 
 display of talents, when discovery is the point at issue/' 
 
 " Go it, my dear Frank," said Jem, " I perceive you are upon 
 stilts already ; but take care that your Pegasus don't throw you 
 off; and, Phaeton like, you get consumed in the attempt. But 
 proceed I'll not interrupt you." 
 
 " I may be wrong," replied Frank ; " perhaps, I am elevating 
 their rank in society too much ; for, after all their dashing ap- 
 pearance, they may be for the Park. Women are funny articles ; 
 according to Pope : 
 
 Men, some to business, some to pleasure take, 
 But ev'ry woman is at heart a RAKE. 
 
 And enjoy under the rose the game of ' kissing in the ring.' 
 I'll talk to them upon the subject by and bye ; and, perhaps, I 
 may ultimately come in for a chaste salute or two, from the intro- 
 duction, that is to say, from the manner in which I put myself 
 forward in accosting them. I will first play ' the amiable' with 
 the old duchess, acting up to the old adage, ' that more flies are 
 caught with honey than vinegar ;' and no sugar candy shall be 
 sweeter than the compliments I will bestow upon her. For her 
 daughters, time shall speak of my success." 
 
 " Don't make too sure the young females are her 
 daughters," said Sprightly ; " she does not, in my opinion, look 
 old enough to be pronounced their mamma." 
 
 " No matter, 1 shall be able to give you a complete his- 
 tory of them in due time. Birth parentage education 
 their connections and movements in life if they prove worth 
 powder and shot. I am the boy," replied Flourish, "to worm 
 out secrets, and ascertain pedigree. Voyages of discovery are 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 37 
 
 delightful to me. But stop, I'll be hanged if 1 do not perceive 
 among- the crowd onboard Picturesque Doleful, the finisfcer. 
 Ha ! ha !" 
 
 " Who, in the name of fortune, is he ? I never heard of such 
 a designation in my whole life," observed Sprightly. 
 
 " To be intelligible on the subject/' replied Flourish, " he is 
 well known as the ta%-uridertaker, at the East end of the 
 town. Doleful undertakes, for a trifling sum per week, to give a 
 decent funeral to the members of his club ; and he has establish- 
 ed several of them about town." 
 
 " I never heard of such a thing before/' said Sprightly 
 
 " Live and learn, my boy ! Ha ! ha ! perhaps you would have 
 no objection to become a member ?" remarked Flourish ; " As 
 the saying goes, we are all born, but not buried ; and there is no 
 ascertaining the events of this life ! But yet, you may perceive 
 there is a consolation in most things if we can but appreciate it. 
 1 maintain, the idea is grateful to our feelings that the last 
 token of respect which can be paid to our remains will be done 
 by such means, and that without any obligation to your friends ; 
 and effectually prevent the horrid necessity which sometimes 
 occurs in society, to bury a man by subscription. I think I see 
 him trying to put a smile on his solemn face ! Well, it is holiday 
 time, and that accounts for it. Ha ! ha !" 
 
 " A smile, did you say, Flourish ? I should rather call it a 
 horribly ghastly grin ;" replied Sprightly : " the living skeleton 
 was a corpulent man, by comparison to Doleful ! I should think a 
 sudden gust of wind would shiver him into a thousand pieces : he 
 seems to hang together by a mere thread ! a piece of geometry ! 
 and whenever he is called to the tomb of the Capulets, it is very 
 likely that a mutiny will arise amongst the worms over his body 
 instead of flesh, versus bones ! Doleful certainly would do for 
 the incantation scene of Der Freizchutz." 
 
 " I'll bet a wager he has had one hundred extra cards printed 
 to distribute amongst the visitors at Greenwich, in case any acci- 
 dents should occur," said Flourish ; " such as breaking their 
 necks by violently running down the hill, and other little casual- 
 ties which occur at Fair time ! 
 
 " Doleful is a prime fellow for a good look out for Coroners' 
 Inquests, nay, it is said, that he pays one or two reporters 
 ' Penny-a-liners,' as the dons of the press denote them 
 poor fellows who are glad to catch hold of any thing in the 
 shape of information, to make the pot boil ! Be it so any thing 
 is better than idleness. 
 
 " However, I must tell you the following anecdote, which 
 was in general circulation some years ago, and generally accre- 
 dited as a fact : A parcel of young fellows, much more fond of 
 mischief than propriety, were determined to have a ' larlC with 
 Picturesque Doleful, in order to put his courage to the test 
 with the dead ! He having frequently boasted that he could enter 
 
38 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 a church yard at the most dreary hour of the night take a com- 
 fortable nap in a solemn vault or, be locked up in the most 
 lonesome part of a cathedral for a week together without feeling" 
 the slightest fear ! Doleful asserted that he looked upon the 
 dead with as much quiet of mind as if they were persons in a 
 sound sleep ! 
 
 " The young men had made up their minds to cast lots who 
 should be the person to act the part of a dead man but one of 
 them, a daring- sort of person, that nothing could daunt, or divert 
 him from his purpose 
 
 When church-yards yawn, 
 And Hell itself breathes forth contagion to the world, 
 
 resolutely offered himself to carry the above scheme into execu- 
 tion. He was to sham dead ! His companions were then to go 
 rather late in the evening to the house of Doleful for a shell ! 
 but previous to which some of the party were to get him out of 
 doors, and to detain him at a public house, that no interruption 
 should occur to frustrate their plan ! 
 
 " Two or three of them then went and told a pitiful story; 
 that one of their friends had met with an accident, and was 
 killed on the spot, and they required a shell to put the body into 
 it, and they would bring the body as soon as possible to the house 
 of the undertaker. They procured the shell without the slightest 
 trouble, and the supposed dead man was conveyed to the domus 
 of the Picturesque, with all the solemnity of a real transaction : 
 and placed in a room set apart for such purposes. 
 
 " The party who had taken Doleful under their especial care, 
 plied him constantly with plenty of ale, and dram after dram, 
 until the Tally Undertaker was completely intoxicated, when 
 they saw him home ! Upon his arrival, he was informed by his 
 man, who was put up to the secret, and well paid to be silent 
 that an accident had happened, and the body was in a shell. It 
 was a capital job, the friends of the dead man were rich ; and 
 he must ' stand something to drink/ on account of their giving 
 him the preference as an undertaker ! 
 
 " ' I'll stand any thing/ said Doleful, as groggy as a sailor 
 three sheets in the wind reeling from one end of his shop to the 
 other, and continually hiccoug-hing a convincing proof that the 
 Picturesque was ' how come you so?' ' But I shan't look at the 
 corpse to-night I have other fish to fry !' and with a ghastly 
 smile upon his countenance, which he intended for a joke, ob- 
 served ' the corpse can't bolt to-night, you know ; and I shall 
 find it in the morning where I left it !' and staggered off to bed, 
 where he soon fell asleep, snoring as loud as a humming top. 
 After he had been in bed about an hour, the supposed dead man, 
 who had been enjoying himself over some brandy -and- water 
 with his companions, in the room close to DolefuPs apartment, put 
 a shroud over his frame, whitened his face to have the appear- 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 39 
 
 ance of a ghost, and, with a dark lanthorn, he immediately went 
 to the bedside of the undertaker ; but previous to which he had 
 placed one of his hands in a jug- of cold water, to give it the 
 icy, clammy feel of death ! 
 
 " Doleful was so sound asleep that he only started a little on 
 the ' cold hand ' being* rubbed over his face ; but on the repe- 
 tition of it, when the light of the lanthorn opened upon him, 
 and shewed the g'host-like figure of the supposed dead man, 
 the agony of mind displayed by Picturesque was frightful. His 
 eyes rolled, and his tongue almost forsook its office, and in faul- 
 tering accents he could scarcely exclaim ' Where am I ? O, 
 Lord, forgive me my sins ! What do you want with me ? I 
 never did harm to any body in my life ! O spare me ! ' 
 
 " ' I want to get out/ said the supposed dead man, in a sepul- 
 chral tone. ' Wretch ! do you want to bury me alive ? What 
 business had you to confine me in a shell, and steal me from my 
 peaceful abode ? But I'll serve you out for such conduct. Did 
 you mean to make a Guy of me, and sell me to the Hospital 
 coves as a stijfun ! So prepare yourself for an exit, Old Dole- 
 ful ! ' catching- hold of his shirt, at the same time giving- him 
 three precious slaps on his head ; and, in a hollow voice, said, 
 1 Picturesque, farewell for the present. I'll call for you to- 
 morrow nig-ht at twelve. So be ready ! No shuffling- nor excuses 
 will do for me/ 
 
 "The companions of the supposed dead man having got their 
 cue, rushed into the room, and, with loud shouts of horrid 
 laughter, yells, groans, &c., danced about the room, nearly de- 
 priving- Old Doleful of his senses. The dead-alive man then put 
 some blue fire into his lanthorn to make a blaze, when, with a 
 most uproarious noise, they vanished the place immediately be- 
 came dark, and all was as silent as death. 
 
 " The undertaker was too much alarmed to stir, but covered 
 himself all over with the clothes, in dreadful anxiety lest the 
 ghost should pay him another visit suffering under violent per- 
 spirations until, overcome with fatigue of mind and fright, he 
 fell asleep. 
 
 "Not getting up at his usual time, his man knocked at his room 
 door, calling it was getting late. ' Come in, Bill/ said Dole- 
 ful ; c I have had the devil and his imps visiting me to-night, 
 and walloped me like boxers ! ' 
 
 " * Nonsense, master ! you have been dreaming ! ' said Bill ; 
 ' your head has been wool-gathering you are out of your mind ! 
 If you run on with such stuff, I must get a straight-waistcoat for 
 you.' 
 
 " ' Out of my mind ! ' said Doleful ; ' I never was more cor- 
 rect in my life. But run and see if the corpse is safe that I left 
 in the shell last night/ 
 
 " ' You certainly are wandering, master you are as mad as a 
 March-hare/ replied Bill ; ' you left no corpse last night you 
 
40 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 certainly have taken leave of your senses. But, to satisfy your 
 mind, I'll go and see/ His man returned immediately, laugh- 
 ing- ' If you left a corpse there last night, master, the corpse 
 has bolted, for there is not the ghost of any dead man in the next 
 room, or any thing- like it. Rouse yourself, master it must 
 have been a dream/ 
 
 " 'A dream, indeed ! you are a stupid fool, Bill/ answered 
 Picturesque ' the old devil and his frig-htful imps promised to 
 call for me to-morrow nig-ht at twelve o'clock ! ' 
 
 " ' They never shall have you, master,' said Bill ; ' but if they 
 have the courag-e to come, we'll g-ive them a warm reception, 
 and no mistake ! I'll not leave you till after that hour. They 
 shall not touch your old jacket ! So think no more about it. 
 Don't humbug- yourself about a foolish dream g-et up your 
 breakfast has been waiting for you upwards of an hour and I'll 
 go and fetch a drap of jacky to raise your spirits.' 
 
 " His friends, in general, persuaded him that it could be no- 
 thing else but a dream," said Flourish ; " but Doleful always 
 stuck hard and fast to it that it was a reality ! But the under- 
 taker has always been considered a half-witted fellow a mere 
 simpleton easily imposed upon, and persuaded to any thing 
 and I have no doubt but we shall have some joke with him be- 
 fore the day is at an end. 
 
 " But hold, if my eyes do not deceive me, I see the notorious 
 Jack Scapegrace, entering the steamer. Yes, it is him, dressed 
 out as fine as a peacock. New clothes from top to toe ! I should 
 like to know who suffers ! He is on some secret expedition a 
 woman, perhaps ; but I would rather say after the pelfl Fun, 
 or mere pleasure, I am sure, is out of the question ; but on re- 
 collection, I think we had better avoid him. He has recognized 
 us, and I do not like his looks, they mean mischief. Since his 
 last examination before your uncle, he has not openly dared to 
 insult me; but nevertheless, his behaviour has been any thing 
 but gentlemanly, because I would not notice him." 
 
 ft Do not pervert the name of gentleman," replied Sprightly, 
 "if you value the truth. It is true I am speaking at random ; 
 but if I dare hazard an opinion, I should assert he had more pre- 
 tensions to the character of a swindler, or a thief, than any 
 thing else. Therefore, I should say, avoid such a man, if you 
 value your respectability or your person ; and although he got 
 over the last charge brought against him cleverly, still I have 
 very great doubts on the subject. But at all events, my advice 
 is, to be on the civil list with him and keep your tongue within 
 your teeth. A contemptuous look will almost irritate him to 
 kick up a row ; and he carries too many guns for you, Flourish, 
 a word and a blow is the way he settles his accounts. He 
 has got a fist like an anvil for hardness of quality ; and not at all 
 particular, when it suits him, to use k very roughly. Although 
 he appears to be alone depend upon it, he has several asso- 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 41 
 
 elates lurking* about the steamer, should any thing- offer to re- 
 quire their assistance. He is, to sum up his character, nothing- 
 better than a well-dressed ruffian." 
 
 " You are not far from the mark/' answered Flourish, " and, 
 as our friend Catalogue has it, we will pass him over as a very 
 bad lot. His mode of life is truly mysterious, and how he lives 
 is a matter of doubt ; yet, he will, if possible, introduce himself 
 to the notice of good society. He never appears to be in want 
 of cash ; is cool, cautious, and calculating- ; arid appears to have 
 a motive for every thing- he does." 
 
 ' f He is more of a bravo, or bully, I think, than absolutely a 
 man of courag-e ; although /ear does not appear to belong- to 
 him. However, in my opinion, he is a dang-erous fellow either 
 in the character of a friend or a foe ! He is slow in resentment ; 
 but nevertheless, he treasures up his ang-er for a time when it 
 will best suit his purpose ; and I am sure since we have cut his 
 acquaintance, it rankles in his mind, and he flatters himself that 
 he will be able to reveng-e himself, sooner or later, for such sort 
 of contempt. ' He can smile, and smile ag-ain, and yet be a 
 villain ;' but once more, my dear Frank," said Sprightly, " avoid 
 him. This is all owing to making- an acquaintance in the 
 first instance with Scapegrace, without an introduction. For my 
 own part, I shall avoid such an error in future." 
 
 " True, my boy," answered Flourish, " sensibly urged, and a 
 g-ood hint into the barg-ain ; or, rather a g-uide for us during- our 
 Pilgrimage. All is riot g-old that g-litters men are not always 
 what they seem and the women are " 
 
 il Stop, stop, my dear Frank, a word or two about the fair 
 sex/' said Sprig-htly ; " the Duchess, as you have desig-nated 
 her, I have my doubts respecting her person and appearance 
 altogether ; and what little I know about society in general, 
 teaches me that her eye speaks volumes it is a penetrating one 
 there is a sharpness and fire attached to it, that you do not 
 meet with in the heads of modest, unassuming females her 
 look is too wanton and knowing for my taste although she may 
 attempt to conceal it ; therefore, take care you do not meet with 
 your match, if not decidedly your mistress. She appears to me a 
 kind of Argus in society she sees everything, I should say, at a 
 glance is up to every move on the board and has forgotten 
 more, much more, than you and I have ever seen or heard in our 
 intercourse with life, or can positively remember." 
 
 " Not quite so fast ! You are calculating without your host, 
 Sprightly," observed Flourish, (( you make up your mind too 
 hastily the female in question is a perfect stranger to both you 
 and me, and you are running down the Duchess., as I call her, 
 with a vengeance, and also calumniating her character without 
 any rhyme or reason. People are not to be taken by their looks 
 for, of all other criterions, that is the most dangerous ; but 
 you are inexperienced in such matters, and that accounts for it." 
 
 G 
 
42 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " I may be wrong in my conjectures ; but it is only a private 
 opinion between ourselves, and which goes for nothing as to a 
 matter of decision ; but nevertheless, I confess, I do not like her 
 appearance ; her face is a sort of index to my feelings as to her 
 notions and I should rather say, that the Duchess comes, (as a 
 matter of course,) from the ffest, and not the East end of the 
 town. Indeed, 1 will bet a wager ' May Fair and its neighbour- 
 hood, against Wapping and the Docks ! ' that speculation 
 is her forte on this trip she is on the look out and if the day 
 turns out pleasantly and beaus are to be picked up entangled, 
 and ultimately made victims why then her scheme is answered. 
 If not, the expence is so trifling, that a failure on her part 
 once in a way, can be put up with, without any complaints 
 Ha! ha!" 
 
 " You may laugh at your own ideas upon the subject," said 
 Flourish, rather touched with the remarks of his friend, " but 
 you may depend upon it, before the day has expired, the laugh 
 will be in my favour ; and you will acknowledge that you have 
 taken a wrong view of the matter at issue."^ 
 
 " Be that as it may, I have only to urge/ brother Pilgrim, if 
 you are not above taking advice," observed Jem, " to have a 
 care, and be not too profuse in your devotions to the ABBESS ; 
 and also on your guard respecting voivs to the Nuns ! Do not 
 be too clever ! neither entertain an opinion that you know too 
 much to be outwitted ; and, likewise, be not more confident than 
 you ought to be in yourself. Quiz ! quiz ! by all means, if you 
 like to i shew' your talent, wit, and knowledge of the world ; 
 and 'go it' as much as you think proper. But, remember, if a 
 row should occur, I am not one of the party. True, I would 
 not stand by and see you wantonly ill-treated ; but do not let it 
 appear against you as the author of any disturbance. I see my 
 uncle coming towards us. Only one word more : Remember ! 
 Pray keep the line." 
 
 " Well, brother Pilgrims," said Makemoney, putting the news- 
 paper into his pocket, (( the last bell has rung, and we shall 
 soon be off." The band struck up God save the King, when 
 
 the left St. Catherine's Dock. " Is this not a prospect 
 
 worth a Jew's eye ? Talk of foreign parts, indeed ; Is there 
 such another sight like it to be seen any where? and if I pos- 
 sessed the oratorical talents of some of our great folks in Par- 
 liament, I would describe it in glowing colours : 
 
 This ancient City, 
 
 How wanton sits she, amidst Nature's smiles ! 
 Nor from her highest turret has to view, 
 But golden landscapes and luxuriant scenes 
 A waste of wealth, the store-house of the world. 
 Here fruitful vales, far stretching, fly the sight 
 There sails, unnumber'd, whiten all the stream, 
 Float on the waves, and break against the shore ! 
 
 Does not Old Father Thames look delightfully to-day, surrounded 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 43 
 
 by such a numerous offspring old arid young-, all in pursuit of 
 pleasure and happiness ? Arid 1 will insist upon it, my dear ne- 
 phew, that the THAMES Old Father Thames and his next- 
 door neighbour, the Ocean, combine every thing that must please 
 and attract the coldest spectator ; but to a cockney, a man born 
 in London, if you like the expression better, unutterable delight 
 and satisfaction. 
 
 " Only take a peep down the River view the different ships 
 from all parts of the world the steamers, as it were, flying along 
 the water, the wherries full barges all in motion com- 
 merce in all its bearings, or myriads of persons all on the qui 
 vive, either for pleasure, trade, or enterprise. See the anxious 
 merchant waiting for the arrival of his vessels from a far distant 
 clime, laden with goods, &c. to replenish his empty warehouses, 
 and also view the sailor's joyful return to his native shore, after 
 an absence of several years ; does not the sight of the Thames 
 bring forth recollections and feelings to his mind, that neither 
 painting nor pen can depict : 
 
 And as the mucb-lov d shore we near, 
 
 With transport we behold the roof, 
 Where dwelt a friend, a partner dear, 
 
 Of faith and love a matchless proof. 
 
 Therefore, brother Pilgrims, excuse my partiality, prejudice, 
 weakness call it what you will the BANKS OF THE THAMES 
 for me. I am satisfied with my own country." 
 
 " Mr. Makemoney," observed a gentleman very near to him ; 
 " I have been listening to the description you have been giving 
 of the Thames, to your nephew, with the greatest delight ; and 
 I am very glad to find that you still continue the same true-born 
 Englishman, and are not to be laughed out of those good old no- 
 tions, i that there is nothing like home !' Here is another friend of 
 your's on board Mr. Fearful. Shall I tell him you are here, as 
 I know he will be glad to see you ? " 
 
 " Most certainly, Mr. Briton/' replied Mr. Makemoney ; and, 
 during his slight absence, he said to his nephew and Flourish, 
 " I will have a bit of fun with Charles Fearful, Esq. one of the 
 best-tempered creatures in the world ; but for the last forty years 
 of his life he has been the most terrible alarmist I ever knew. 
 At every change of government, if contrary to his way of think- 
 ing, or any little disturbances, he contemplated nothing else but 
 destruction to all our public establishments, and a total annihila- 
 tion of property ; and almost prepared himself to lay down and 
 die !" 
 
 At this juncture a tall, thin, classical looking gentleman made 
 his appearance ; a Sir Peter Teazle sort of personage ; and 
 when the congratulations were over at meeting with each other, 
 after an absence of several years, Makemoney, with a smile on 
 his countenance, thus addressed him " Well, Mr. Fearful, all 
 the fine old establishments, I am happy to say, still remain en- 
 
44 
 
 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 tire. The political whirlwinds that you so much dreaded when 
 last I had the pleasure of seeing 1 you, have done not the slightest 
 damage whatever. 
 
 " St. Paul's Cathedral stands as firm as ever ; Westminster 
 Abbey has not moved a jot: the House of Commons is as strong- 
 as a rock and the House of Lords still remains & fixture. The 
 Tower of London continues as formidable as heretofore : Windsor 
 Castle stands in the same place but improved in every point of 
 view not a tree missing- in its fine splendid Forest the KING, 
 ' God bless him/ still remains in health, with undisputed prero- 
 gative ; and long" may he continue to reign over a brave and 
 free people. 
 
 " Not a shadow of a picture defaced in the National Gallery, 
 and the British Museum increased beyond all degrees of compa- 
 rison for the benefit of the student and reader. All the good old 
 edifices the antique, rich spires hundreds of places of wor- 
 ship remain also in statu quo ; the national representation has 
 been improved, and we are getting- on, as an improving- race of 
 intelligent beings altogether. Therefore, I hope, my dear friend, 
 all your fears have long ceased to exist all apprehensions for 
 the worst are at an end, and you may now lay down in quiet- 
 ness, and your repose secure." 
 
 " True, Mr. Makemoney, " I cannot refute several of your 
 assertions ; but, nevertheless, we live in strange if not in trou- 
 blesome times alteration seems the watchword. You must 
 excuse me, my old friends, if I still have my doubts." 
 
 " I have done, Mr. Fearful, as I perceive you are perfectly 
 incurable ! But, rest assured, difference of opinion will never 
 alter OUT friendship." 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 45 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 The Steamer afloat FLOURISH at fault " the amiable" want- 
 ing afraid to attack the Duchess DOLEFUL and Coroners' 
 Inquests; or, the World's End! a hoax A few words 
 more respecting SCAPEGRACE., but not quite ripe for expo- 
 sure. MAKEMONEY delighted his description of the va- 
 riety seen in a Trip by Steam Cocknies adrift Fresh- 
 water Sailors ; versus, the Rough Sons of the Ocean De- 
 barking from the Steamer Greenwich Park Kissing in 
 the Ring National habits ought to be preserved ; a legal 
 opinion on the subject. An invitation to dinner ; a rheto- 
 rical display, vulgarly termed the gift of the gab ! WIL- 
 HELMINA and SERAPHINA, a pair of female Portraits 
 live and learn, stay at home, and know nothing What a 
 world we live in ! The self -sufficient FLOURISH com- 
 pletely outwitted. 
 
 DURING the previous harangue, or rather piece of satire from 
 Makemoney to the Alarmist, Flourish had been strolling- up and 
 down the deck of the steamer, ogling the old Duchess and her 
 two daughters, but he could not exactly make up his mind in 
 what manner he should address her ; and not the slightest cir- 
 cumstance had occurred on which he could make any point of 
 conversation. No opening 1 being left to him but to make a di- 
 rect attack, he felt quite at a loss, hesitated, and could not as- 
 sume courage enough to enact " the amiable I " although he had 
 brushed up his hair two or three times placed his shirt-collar in 
 the best point of view put his diamond pin in a prominent si- 
 tuation looked at himself, again and again still he appeared 
 waiting for something like a cue to commence the siege. 
 
 Whether his ardour might have been damped by the definition 
 given of the Duchess by his brother Pilgrim, James Sprightly, 
 did not appear, but his unblushing impudence, which had, upon 
 all other occasions, prompted him forwards, it should now seem 
 had totally deserted him, in case he might meet with a Tartar 
 in disguise. Yet, nevertheless, he was determined not to be 
 idle ; and, on passing Doleful, he appeared more at his ease, and 
 ventured, with a sort of insolent freedom, to ask him " if he was 
 not going to Greenwich to attend a Coroner's Inquest ? " 
 
 Doleful, harmless in the extreme, screwed up his melancholy 
 phiz, not quite a yard and a half in length, and almost as hollow 
 
46 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 as a lanthorn, with a great deal of civility, observed, ' No, sir, 
 I never heard of any such thing* ! " 
 
 " I am quite surprised at that," answered Flourish, with a face 
 of clay, and without moving' a muscle, while young- Sprightly 
 was ready to burst his sides with laughter ; " you are a finisher, 
 1 believe (Doleful stared at him with the most piteous aspect) 
 I mean, an undertaker ; that is, you put people out of sight 
 very ' cheap.' Yes, yes, I am right I well remember you 
 finished off in good style Churchwarden Swallow -Mutton, who 
 was a choked with a bone at a vestry-supper ; and so extremely low 
 were your charges, that had I not have known you to have been 
 a man of strict integrity in all your dealings, I should have 
 thought you had not come honestly by your materials." 
 
 " Have you got a card about you ? " Doleful put his hand in 
 his pocket, and gave Flourish one. (Jem, on witnessing- this 
 circumstance, was so overcome with risibility, that he was com- 
 pelled to run to another part of the steamer, in order not to 
 spoil the joke) " That's rig-ht ; I will recommend you to a job 
 directly. Now, if you g-o to the ' World's End' that is, I 
 mean the sig-n of it, at Greenwich there is a Coroner's Inquest 
 sitting-, and the foreman of the jury, a friend of mine, John 
 Hookham Snivey, Esq., will make it all rig-ht for you to bury 
 him. A poor simple chap had laid a wager that he would 
 climb up to the steeple of Greenwich Church, but, unfortunately 
 for himself, he made only one false step, which caused his exit 
 before he expected, and he never told any person how the acci- 
 dent happened." 
 
 " How very shocking ! " replied Doleful ; and, pulling out 
 his pocket-book, noted down the ' World's End,' and ' Hook- 
 ham Snivey, Esq.' with all the gravity attending a real circum- 
 stance, and quite pleased with the job he had in view, not being 
 bound down to any precise terms of contract, exclaiming, at the 
 same time, to himself, " I shall leave the Park and the casualties 
 to themselves to-day ' a bird iri the hand is worth tw r o in the 
 bush at any time." ' 
 
 Flourish, strutting off like a crow in a gutter, in a sort of 
 audible whisper to his brother Pilgrim Jem, said, " I have 
 finished off Old Doleful in good twig ;" but before he could 
 congratulate himself on the success of his joke, "Finished 
 off!" muttered a voice, " I should like to finish you off a little 
 bit, for imposing on a simple tradesman !" Flourish, with his 
 face half turned round, recognized the well-known countenance 
 of the daring Scapegrace ! but he wisely took no notice of it. 
 
 " Aye, you may look ; its me," said Scapegrace, in a low 
 voice, but a murderous tone of accent, f< I owe you one upon an 
 old account and perhaps I may chance to wing you, some day, 
 when you least expect it ! It won't do now, I perceive ; but the 
 time will come and then if you get off as well as the Old 
 Shroud Maker has done think yourself lucky ! Now that's 
 what I mean and no mistake !" 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 47 
 
 This sort of side-wind murmur, and coming" when least ex- 
 pected from the dangerous and determined Scapegrace, almost 
 produced an attack of the ague on the frame of Flourish ; at 
 another time, it might completely have paralysed his efforts : 
 but the latter was too well supported on board of the steamer 
 to experience any rough treatment so he ' pocketed the 
 affront/ as the safest mode to get rid of it by putting- it off .with 
 a smile ! ^ 
 
 Makemoney, whose time had been occupied with several 
 other objects, on returning- to his friends, felt rather surprized at 
 the sight of Scapegrace close to the elbow of Flourish, and, to 
 all appearance, his lip quivering- with rage, and his face looking 
 more like a disappointed demon than a Christian, and ejaculating 
 ' Revenge!' Makemoney, with great eagerness, said " Has that 
 fellow, Scapegrace, been saying* any thing* unpleasant to your 
 feelings in the shape of a threat ! I know he is perfectly capa- 
 ble of such an action : and I am sure we do not stand at all well 
 in his estimation ; and, if he had a convenient opportunity, 1 
 think he would not mind to do any of us an injury. He bears the 
 character of a vindictive fellow therefore, keep out of his 
 clutches give him no cause for reproach but more anon, when 
 1 am at leisure !" 
 
 Flourish thoug-ht it the most prudent method to put a stop to 
 any more argument on the subject, by observing " I did not 
 hear him say any thing, although, in passing by me, he ap- 
 peared in anger, as if some person had irritated him. However, 
 I heed him not \" yet thinking to himself, at the same time, that 
 it might be as well for him, if he remained quiet during the 
 short voyage to Greenwich. 
 
 " He maybe a desperate character, and in an assassin-like man- 
 ner, be inclined to take a cowardly advantage of us in private ; 
 provided he could conceal himself, and without the fear of de- 
 tection ! But let him, if he dare, come to an open contest," said 
 Sprightly, in a high-spirited tone of challenge " and although 
 1 hate and despise anything like boasting, I care not for the 
 threats of fifty Scapegraces ! Therefore, at present, let us not 
 bestow another thought upon him. Do not let such a fellow as 
 that, whom no one knows any thing* about, war, in the slightest 
 degree, our pursuits or pleasure. A good general, I am told, is 
 always prepared for his enemy therefore, only keep a good 
 look out ; and I am certain it is out of his power, or malice, to 
 do either of us any harm. A fig for his threats, Flourish, if he 
 did make any ! Yet I have some faint recollection of the subject 
 of his anger towards us ! But another time \" 
 
 Here the discourse was finished, and Scapegrace was forgot- 
 ten, by the band playing the animating gallopade from the opera 
 of Gustavus the company gaily promenading up and down the 
 deck, and several of them from the movement of their feet quite 
 anxious to commence the ' Gallope !' But no leader, or master 
 
48 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 of the ceremonies, presented themselves to give the eclat neces- 
 sary to the dance ; and Flourish still tardy about making- up his 
 mind to challenge the fair daughters of the ' old Duchess/ to 
 join the party on the ( light fantastic toe.' the tune was permitted 
 to finish, and the deck resumed its former appearance. 
 
 Old Makemoney then addressed his nephew, in a quiet, 
 colloquial manner, " Travelling in a steamer, more especially on 
 the Thame, where scarcely any thing like danger is apprehend- 
 ed is, in my humble opinion, of the most delightful description ; 
 for instance refreshments can be had at any time, in case the 
 breezes should operate on the appetite, arid hunger require sus- 
 tenance : an elegant cabin for retirement books for those who 
 have a taste for reading ; and where, frequently, several ladies 
 may be seen quite wrapped up in excitement at the tale of the 
 last new novel. 
 
 "The lovers of prospects and other objects areequally amused 
 on the deck and a taste for naval architecture may also be grati- 
 fied. The great variety of company you meet with connected with 
 all ranks in the scale of society the different remarks you likewise 
 hear on all passing subjects upon politics, theatres, police, &c. 
 are highly worthy of the attention of any author who is fond of 
 exercising his pen on the subject of men and manners. The de- 
 light of popping on an old acquaintance by accident. Viewing 
 others cogitating over a cigar a few scientific persons engaged 
 at chess. Here and there a few parties may be seen at drafts, 
 dominoes, cribbage, &c., while some of the juvenile company 
 are enjoying themselves skipping about the deck, or in the shape 
 of a dance. 
 
 ''You may also behold lots of young cockneys, of both sexes, 
 puzzling the man at the helm, it being their first trip by steam, 
 with all sorts of questions, as to ' What's that ere place ?' or 
 ' this ere castle ?' Travelling by steam also gives the steady 
 merchant a little respite from business and his mind perhaps, at 
 ease, is at work on the calculating' system from the beginning to 
 the end of his journey, and when he hears the man sing out 
 4 Gravesend ! Herne Bay ! Margate ! or Dover !' He feels 
 astonished, as well as pleased, that he has accomplished his 
 place of destination in such a very short time. 
 
 " You may also see the ' man of pleasure/ full of gallantry, 
 making himself agreeable to the ladies by his polite attention 
 and conduct to their little wants, and with his spy-glass, he is 
 the very essence of communication, pointing out the situations 
 and names of all the places as they pass along ; obtaining the 
 character of ' what a nice man a perfect gentleman/ with the 
 whole sex on board. Sometime hearing the remarks ' Really, 
 my dear mamma, it is more than delightful to meet with such 
 intelligent persons/ 
 
 " Well, for my part, I must give a preference to steam before 
 any other sort of conveyance the weather cannot affect your 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 49 
 
 person you are enabled to retreat from the attacks of the wind 
 and rain ; besides, you are not subjected ; to trifling* quarrels 
 about ' putting up/ or ' leaving- the glasses down !' as in a 
 stag*e coach : no dust to annoy your feeling's, or spoil your 
 clothes ; you experience the pleasure of walking- up and down 
 the deck not only enjoying- the requisite towards health and 
 exercise ; but you have the gratification to know, at the same 
 time, that you are rapidly proceeding* with your journey, and 
 that your progress is not retarded by stopping- at the doors of 
 inns on the road to chang-e horses, or coachmen ! 
 
 " Many other circumstances might be pointed out in favour of 
 steam navigation, if it were necessary to show its great conve- 
 nience and immense utility it also conveys a picture of real life 
 abounding with characters of every description ; only witness 
 the veteran tar, nearly three sheets in the wind, a passenger by 
 the steam-boat to join his ship, laughing at the remarks of fresh- 
 water sailors, and the fears expressed by the ladies of the ap- 
 proaching danger, talking of the boisterous winds, and the 
 roughness of the sea ! ' Rough ! my darlings Ha ! ha ! there 
 an't a thimble-full of wind stirring, and on the rough sea., as you 
 call it, why there's not a ripple to be seen. My eyes, if you had 
 been along with me and my shipmate Jack Dreadnought, who sits 
 beside me, in the Bay of Biscay, then you might have said OLD 
 BOREAS had opened his doors, and went to work with a new 
 pair of bellows that Daddy Neptune had been kicking up a 
 row in his berth below, and set the foaming billows in rapid 
 motion, making all the craft, big and little, dance mountains 
 high without any music. But never mind, my hearties, every one 
 to his c'dllmg (singing.) 
 
 But sailors were born for all weathers 
 Great guns let it blow high blow low ! 
 
 Our duty keeps us to our tether, 
 
 And where the gale drives we must go ! 
 
 Here, steward, bring us a glass of stiff grog none of your six 
 upon four stuff that I may drink to all ' sound hearts and true 
 bottom** !' The tout ensemble., to me, is of the most inviting 
 description ; and if you, my worthy brother Pilgrims, enter into 
 the same sort of spirit on the subject, I feel assured that all our 
 trips connected with the Banks of the Thames will not only 
 prove gratifying to our feelings, but instructive to our minds/ 
 
 Greenwich Hospital was now in sight, and boats from the 
 shore putting off for the steamer. The Pilgrims immediately 
 were ready to get on land ; the Duchess and her companions were 
 equally on the alert ; and Doleful appeared so anxious to be off, 
 that he had nearly jumped over the waterman's wherry into the 
 water, so eager was the undertaker to reach the land. 
 
 Scapegrace, also, as it were, slunk out of the steamer. Flou- 
 rish, it should seem, had now screwed his courage to the stick- 
 ing place, thinking his only chance might be now or never im- 
 
 H 
 
50 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 mediately went up to the Duchess, and begged he might have 
 the honour of seeing her safe in the boat, and also to the shore : 
 Makemoney and his nephew making for the land in another 
 wherry, viewing with merriment the operations of Flourish. 
 
 " Really, sir, your offer is very kind," replied the Duchess, 
 with a sort of agreeable simper on her countenance; "but I 
 cannot think of being so troublesome to a perfect stranger : yet, 
 nevertheless, permit me to return you thanks for your gentle- 
 manly conduct to unprotected females." 
 
 Flourish, flattered up to the eyes by this reply, swallowed the 
 bait with all the gTeediness of a perch ; and positively insisted 
 on performing " the amiable " to ladies who were so much in 
 want of a male friend. The row was but short to the shore ; 
 but during the little period which occured, the Duchess was de- 
 termined to make the most of it a conquest being in view. 
 She, therefore, appeared the very mirror of attraction her smiles, 
 affability, condescension, and politeness, were truly conspicuous. 
 The young ladies, who had also had their cue giggled a 
 little, shewed a kind of simplicity, and affected a sort of coyness, 
 that, whenever Flourish put any questions to them, as if shy, 
 they turned their heads from his face. Makemoney and Jem, at 
 this juncture, bowed in recognition to Flourish, which the latter 
 returned by a nod. 
 
 " You are nodding to your friends, I presume. I am sorry 
 we should have been the cause of your separation. I beg par- 
 don," said the Duchess, " the corpulent gentleman is perhaps 
 your " 
 
 " O la, ma ! " observed one of the young ladies, in an audible 
 whisper, yet quite loud enough for any person to hear, " is 
 he not very much like our butcher ? It is him, I am sure ; and 
 I thought so when I first saw the fat man on board of the 
 boat,"^ 
 
 " Hush! hush! my dear Seraphina," replied the Duchess, as 
 if in great confusion ; " you should not have interrupted the 
 gentleman in his reply : besides, it is extremely rude to make 
 any remarks on the dress of any person. But you will be kind 
 enough to excuse them, sir, as this is the first time they have 
 ever been suffered to gaze or to mix with the world ; at least, 
 upon such an occasion. You are very foolish children ; and 
 I hope no more caution from me will be found necessary." 
 This was urged with so much propriety, that a Saint might have 
 been imposed upon, much more the self-important Flourish. 
 
 " Well, and I think Seraphina is right, after all," observed 
 the other young lady, with a toss of the head, " for I know him 
 by the cut of his coat ! Butchers always wear such coats." 
 
 " Wilhelmina, my child," answered the Duchess, to all appear 
 ance quite angry ; " worse and worse O fie ! if you can- 
 not say any thing more to the purpose, I must impose silence upon 
 you for the rest of the day. I am shocked ! " 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 51 
 
 " Like their butcher ! Cut of his coat, &c. These folks of 
 the upper circles have a precious deal of assurance belonging 
 to them/' thought Flourish ; and, indeed, he was so much taken 
 by surprise, that he had nearly forgot to reply to the Duchess. 
 However, not appearing to notice those impertinent remarks, 
 and recollecting himself, he said, " O yes, yes. He is a man of 
 great respectability in the City ; also in the possession of im- 
 mense property, and a truly worthy creature. But no matter: 
 You will allow me, as we are very near the shore, to see you 
 safe to the place of your destination, or to your friends at Green- 
 wich/' 
 
 " Why, really, sir, I am almost ashamed to inform you," turn- 
 ing her head, replied the Duchess, " as I have no doubt but you 
 will think me a very foolish woman ; but, at the same time, I 
 know your kindness will excuse the fond mother. My girls are 
 just arrived from school, and, in a good-natured, thoughtless 
 moment, I promised them not thinking of what I was about 
 that they should visit Greenwich Hospital and the Park ; and 
 the cunning jades have taken me by surprise. Indeed, 1 
 was not at all aware it is what is called the holyday time, 
 until I was on board the steam-boat. But they are both mad- 
 caps rich ; and they know it large fortunes in their own 
 hands ; that is to say, when they come of age ; and they will 
 hardly, on that account, submit to any thing in the shape of con- 
 trol. It is true, sir, we are here incog., and not dressed well 
 enough to meet with any of our friends and acquaintances, who 
 are of the very first consequence in the upper circles of society. 
 Indeed, not for the fc Indies of gold/ would I be seen by any 
 persons from the West End ; although being here could not be 
 construed into any thing more than a mere harmless frolic. 
 Thank my stars, I am rich enough to be above any thing like 
 malice. Yet, you know, sir, that we cannot be too much upon 
 our guard people will talk, and too often make mountains of 
 molehills ! But you, I am confident, sir, are not only a gentle- 
 man by birth and good-breeding ; and when we are in the com- 
 pany of a person of that superior description, we are quite cer- 
 tain to experience nothing else but gentlemanly treatment/' 
 
 Flourish made a most profound bow for the compliment which 
 had been just paid to him, and replied, " I hope so, my dear 
 madam, and any thing in my power you may command, sans ce- 
 remonie. Therefore, I will accompany you to the Park, if you 
 have no objection/' 
 
 " Objection, sir ; oh no, indeed ! ' answered the Duchess, with 
 a most agreeable smile ; " on the contrary, for myself, I shall be 
 proud in the extreme of your company ; and I will answer for 
 my mad-caps of girls, that they will be delighted by the atten- 
 tions of a gentleman of your excellent taste and accomplish- 
 ments." 
 
 The boats had by this time deposited their contents on the 
 
52 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 shore. Scapegrace often looked behind him, with a sort of 
 iierceness about his aspect, that seemed to say, ' I will be with 
 you at some future period, when you least expect it 1 am for 
 revenge ! ' but he was not perceived by any of the Pilgrims 
 Doleful had no sooner landed than off he started, running- 
 at the top of his speed for the " World's End," or rather the 
 sign of it, with his hand upon his ruler, with an intent to mea- 
 sure the dead man for his coffin ; so strongly did the idea possess 
 him that he was to get the job from the foreman of the 
 Coroner's Inquest. Flourish was convulsed with laughter, al- 
 though in company with the Duchess arid her daughters so 
 much did he pride himself with the success of his joke upon poor 
 Doleful. 
 
 Makemoney and his nephew now came up to Flourish, during 
 the time the Duchess and the girls hj;d walked forwards a few 
 steps, while the former discharged the boatmen. " Won't you 
 join us ? " said Frank. " You will not regret it, take my word. 
 She's a lady of importance, I have no doubt, from the West end 
 of the town of rank arid rich : her daughters have got splendid 
 fortunes they are out upon a little frolic, but decidedly incog. 
 If you neglect this opportunity you will miss a treat. I have 
 found that she is positively a divinity ! affable in her manners, 
 fascinating in her conversation, and neither proud nor ostenta- 
 tious taking things as she finds them, and anxious to have a 
 peep at the middling and lower classes of society, with all that 
 gaite de cceur connected with a woman of quality ! She has re- 
 cognized you and Jem as my two friends ; therefore, three and 
 three will make excellent couples for a stroll in the Park so 
 join us. my dear fellows, without the slightest reserve. Remem- 
 ber what the old song says 
 
 We're Pilgrims, blithe and jolly, 
 Sworn foes to melancholy, 
 And come out some fun to see ! 
 
 So do not repent of the offer I have made, when it is too late. 
 Come and join us ! 
 
 " For myself/' answered the uncle, " I must decline. I am 
 too old, and not fit company for such dashing females. I should 
 feel out of my element a plain matter-of-fact man like myself 
 would only be troublesome ; but, nevertheless, I will not de- 
 prive rny nephew, if he feels any desire, to pass the evening 
 with you. I am no churl, but I must decline your pleasant 
 offer. However, I will meet you in the evening, depend upon 
 it. In the mean time, I shall make myself comfortable and 
 happy there are plenty of subjects to keep one alive here, 
 which present themselves. You must excuse me, Frank." 
 
 " I will not leave you, uncle," said Jem. " No, no I'll stick 
 to the good old oak, and NATIONAL into the bargain," palling, 
 in a friendly manner, his uncle on the back ; " I shall be safe 
 under its branches, and out of harm's way. No decoy ducks for 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 53 
 
 me. 1 repent, all is not gold that glitters ! 1 am young- in life 
 knowing a little, but not knowing enough ; and 1 will not 
 give a chance away. 1 shall want words be shy bashful at 
 fault look foolish and be quizzed to death ! No, it won't suit 
 me. You, Frank, shall be the hero of the tale the merit of this 
 adventure shall belong entirely to yourself ! But, as a friend, 1 
 say do riot make any mistakes. Don't put your foot in it ! The 
 knowing ones are done sometimes. My uncle and 1 will meet 
 you at Richardson's Show, in the Fair, from half-past eight till 
 nine we shall be punctual. 
 
 " You are quite wrong, I am sure, in your conjectures your 
 apprehensions groundless ; nay, your suspicions are unjust," re- 
 plied Flourish ; " I tell you again they are ladies every thing 
 about them bespeak it. Do you think I am so easily imposed 
 upon? Well, you shall have your opinion, and if they trick 
 me I will forgive them. I was not born yesterday. But I 
 will not press you. No, no Liberty Hall is my motto : 
 I am pledged to them for a stroll in the Park, and I cannot 
 look so ridiculous as to break my word. I will be punctual to 
 you at Richardson's, when I shall be able to report progress. So 
 adieu, my worthy brother Pilgrims, for the present, and for 
 only a short period/' Flourish immediately joined the Duchess 
 and her girls, and they were soon out of sight. 
 
 Makemoney and his nephew took another direction, and 
 both parties were anxious to get to the Park. The streets were 
 thronged with people the coaches from London arriving every 
 quarter of an hour overloaded with passengers shatter-o'-dans 
 taxed carts flys covered vehicles vans, waggons, &c., 
 breaking down almost with the weight of their luggage ; every 
 person so anxious to arrive early at Greenwich : the public- 
 houses crowded to excess the cook-shops literally besieged, 
 and their contents devoured like an attack from cormorants. The 
 whole forming a lively but glorious scene of bustle and con- 
 fusion ; vividly portraying the pleasure and delight the holy- 
 days are hailed with by the people in general. 
 
 " If 1 am not mistaken," said Makemoney, " Flourish with all 
 his boasted knowledge of life, will have to pay dearly for this 
 frolic ; there is something about them that does not please me ; 
 they are knoiving ladies, to a certainty, and there is also a sort 
 of impudent leer about their eyes, that do not belong to modest 
 females. No, no, modest women are different creatures alto- 
 gether. But they have found out Frank's weak point they 
 have flattered him and he is foolish enough to believe that he 
 is deserving of such compliments. No matter, he is a rich single 
 man ; and, therefore, if he will sin with his eyes open, let him 
 be punished for it. It has been said, that experience makes fools 
 wise ! Be it so." 
 
 " True, dear uncle/' answered Jem, " he in general finds 
 fault with every thing ; and almost with every body ; therefore 
 
54 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 1 am the more surprised at this sudden alteration in his feeling's : 
 but for himself he thinks he is the standard of perfection ; and 
 he imposes upon you in such an insinuating- sort of style that 
 you can scarcely withstand his remarks. For instance, ' My 
 dear boy, Jem/ said he, Tadmitthat you are a clever, high- 
 spirited, well-informed young 1 man, and in reality you do possess 
 a much greater knowledge of the world then could be expect- 
 ed for so young a man. But would you, Jem, and let us aigue 
 the question fairly, place your experience in competion with 
 mine ?' Therefore, let Flourish take his chance it is most cer- 
 tain we have all our weak moments and perhaps we ought to 
 think ourselves lucky, if during- our pilgrimage connected with 
 the Thames, we escape free ! After all, he may not be 
 serious." 
 
 " Liberal, boy, liberal !" exclaimed the uncle, " I like that 
 sort of generous allowance which you have made for the infir- 
 mities of human nature ; it ought to obtain praise nay, more, it 
 ought to be recommended, as a point well worthy of considera- 
 tion, to all our friends and acquaintances through the different 
 walks of society. Mankind might not then be inclined to prove 
 such harsh judges, as they too often do, upon outside appear- 
 ances, giving undue weight to them, instead of relying only 
 upon facts." 
 
 " Every body seems happy here, uncle," said Jem, " from the 
 highest to the lowest .person ; and mirth and good humour 
 appear to predominate in every party. 1 am quite delighted 
 with the scene, although it does partake, in a great measure, of 
 rudeness" 
 
 ' True, Jem : but surely you would not expect etiquette at 
 Greenwich Fair," replied Makemoney : " in my humble opi- 
 nion, in promoting the happiness of the lower classes of society, 
 you increase the strength of the nation. I must confess, I am 
 fond of old customs I have a great veneration for those sort of 
 land-marks they hand circumstances down from father to son 
 and they keep alive features not only in private parties, but 
 connected with the rise and fall of nations ; which, otherwise, 
 might be totally forgotten, or sunk into oblivion. 
 
 " I love to keep birth-days and like the return of the holy- 
 days at Christmas, Easter, Whitsuntide, &c., it tends to break 
 the business-like chain of confinement and employment, and 
 work of every description, is returned to with a pleasing zest, 
 that cannot be felt without the benefit of relaxation. 
 
 " I am quite aware it may be strongly urged against the revi- 
 val of such places as Fairs, Races, &c. ; that they are the means 
 of bringing crowds together, and that riots sometimes occur ; it 
 is likewise a harbour for designing folks to assemble together, to 
 entrap the unwary ; there is little doubt but there is a great 
 deal of truth in these remarks but notwithstanding, I am of the 
 late Sergeant Best's legal opinion, now Lord Wynford ' that 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 55 
 
 we ought to take ewe to preserve our national habits, manners, 
 and customs. From the union of these/ the learned Sergeant 
 boasted, ' has arisen our national spirit our love of indepen- 
 dence, of justice, and of our country. THE TRUE AND 
 ONLY SOURCES OF ALL OUR GREATNESS AND ALL 
 OUR HAPPINESS. Wakes and their amusements are amongst 
 the customs, and are the fruits of our liberty. He who would 
 destroy them, would make a change in our manners and habits, 
 the extent of which we cannot see ; and for the consequence of 
 which, no good man would chuse to answer/ " 
 
 "Excellent!" replied Jem, " and as I feel rather dry, and re- 
 quire a little refreshment before we proceed on our Pilgrimage 
 in Greenwich ; if you have no objection we will walk into a 
 tavern, or one of the booths, and drink the health of the late 
 Sergeant Best, for those noble sentiments ; which, I am sure, 
 cannot be too often repeated and which all lovers of their 
 country must cherish and admire ; they are so truly English !" 
 
 " With all my heart and soul I" said Makemoney, glowing 
 with animation, " and in a bumper \" 
 
 We will now leave them to the enjoyment of their repast, 
 and take a peep at the movements of the Duchess and her 
 daughters." 
 
 " It is well, perhaps," thought Flourish, on leaving his brother 
 Pilgrims, " that I did not say any thing to them about the 
 butcher, the cut of his coat, Sic., calculated to excite angry feel- 
 ings against the ladies ; however, it appears I am all right in 
 their estimation, and old Makemoney a good foil to me." 
 
 " Your friends, then, will not join us?" said the duchess. 
 
 " It is, I assure you, madam, a matter of regret to them," 
 replied Flourish, " but a previous engagement prevents them from 
 the enjoyment of your delightful company.'* 
 
 <c You are a flatterer, I perceive, sir," answered the Duchess, 
 with one of her most fascinating smiles ; " but I am sorry for 
 their absence, as we might then have been so agreeably paired 
 off'. Give me leave to say, sir, you are a bold man to encounter 
 three females ! I am afraid you will have to regret your temerity, 
 or rather, like Macheath observes : 
 
 How happy could I be with either, 
 Where t'other dear charmer away ! 
 
 Ha ! ha ! ha ! You must excuse me, sir, but perhaps, I am making 
 a little too free at so short an acquaintance : indeed, it has always 
 been my fault to be too communicative ; however, I hate your 
 distant, cold, proud, reserved sort of folks. No, I belong to a 
 different sort of world my feelings are of another cast: If I 
 like a person, or feel pleased with their manners, I cannot help 
 making free with them, that is to say rank them amongst my 
 friends. Yet, sir, you may think me too candid in this respect?" 
 " You overwhelm me, madam, with delight," answered Flou- 
 
56 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMKS 
 
 rish ; " it is this sort of frankness which belongs to persons of 
 superior intecourse with society ; and which the advantages, of 
 education give them over other individuals, who are confined to 
 a different sphere ; therefore, madam, \ hope you will be more 
 candid, as you term it, and let me be benefitted by your 
 remarks and conversation. I will close here, lest any fur- 
 ther observations of mine might be deemed flattery, which I 
 assure you, is far, very far removed from my intention ; there- 
 fore, may I hope that you will proceed without the slightest 
 reserve !" 
 
 " Your politeness, sir, emboldens me to enter into that free- 
 dom of conversation," said the Duchess, assuming an air of gra- 
 vity ; " which otherwise I most certainly should have hesitated in 
 doing; for, after all, females, however well educated they may 
 have been, and positively drilled into every thing connected 
 with genteel life are very inferior to the well-bred gentleman 
 and elegant scholar ! Ha ! ha ! No, no there is no sort of com- 
 parison but the man of gallantry who seems outwardly to pay 
 the most devout attention to a female, like the actor who has to 
 deliver a speech aside, has often been heard to denominate the 
 ladies " mere playthings of an hour !" 
 
 (l You wrong yourself, my dear madam," said Flourish; " and 
 I am afraid the last sentence was rather too satirical !" 
 
 " This is not fair, my dear ma !" said Miss Seraphina ; " You 
 engross the whole of the gentleman's conversation to yourself." 
 
 " A few words more, my dear girl," replied the Duchess , 
 " and then you can say what you please. But I was merely 
 going to account for our being here, to inform the gentleman 
 that you were tired out with your frequent visits to the Italian 
 Opera ; the Zoological has become a perfect bore : the Coliseum 
 was very well in its way; lounging at the Bazaars had ceased to 
 become attractive, and that you were determined to enjoy a little 
 RURAL FELICITY by way of a change in your amusements. 
 That you were more anxious to tread on a carpet of green, and 
 enjoy the sweet fragrance of the air, than waltzing on chalked 
 floors, and be ; ng oppressed with the heat proceeding from the 
 effects of gas light, or wax candles." 
 
 " Charming ! mamma, you have described our feelings to a 
 nicety," said Wilhelmina ; " too much of one thing is good for 
 nothing and at the West end, you know, it is one continued rou- 
 tine from morning to night. It is enough to make one yawn 
 only to think of it." 
 
 " True, my dear Willy/' observed Seraphina ; " Only look at 
 those persons having a little delightful rural exercise from that 
 hififh hill I long to be with them. Do you think it would be 
 indecorous, mamma, if we were just to have a little scamper down 
 the hill ? I am sure it would do us good, and improve our health. 
 We shall only be taken for well-dressed rustics perhaps country 
 milliners but no matter for once " 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 57 
 
 " Yes, mamma, you must consent ! " echoed Miss Wilhel- 
 mina ; " it will be only viewed as a little bit of rusticity." 
 
 " Why, my dears/' replied the Duchess, " you seem quite 
 wild, and more like birds who have had the doors of their cages 
 left open by accident, than young- ladies whose education and 
 pursuits should have taught you better manners. But you 
 are so persevering, that you will not be denied. However, if 
 I thought your uncle, the Admiral, would not pounce upon 
 you and that is not at all unlikely, as he might have some 
 duty to perform at the Hospital perhaps I might, for once, 
 indulge your whims. But he's a fine old soul, and, jolly tar- 
 like, he might only join in the laugh. But pray take care you 
 do not run down the hill too fast, as it is not very lady-like you 
 know, girls, for females to be seen tripping up their heels." 
 
 " You will perhaps, sir, have the goodness just to join us for 
 a run or two," said Miss Seraphina ; " it will have such a strange 
 appearance for us to run down the Hill without the protection 
 of a gentleman. I am sure you will not refuse a challenge from 
 a lady." 
 
 " Certainly not, my dear young- ladies," replied Flourish, quite 
 gallant ; " if your mamma will remain by herself for a few mo- 
 ments, only to laugh at our folly." 
 
 " You have my free consent," replied the Duchess ; " therefore, 
 on my account, lose no time." 
 
 Miss Seraphina and her sister commenced the race with all the 
 rude ardour of romps, and nothing like the appearance of de- 
 licate females. Flourish, in truth, was so pulled about by each 
 arm that he was panting for breath ; and, after a run or two, he 
 was compelled to decline the contest. Though the latter did 
 not perceive it, yet it should seem that the young ladies were 
 more anxious to display their well-turned ancles, covered with 
 rich silk stockings, elegantly clocked, than to conceal them 
 from the eyes of the public, and were quite indifferent as to bash- 
 fulness. After the race had terminated, they all three joined in 
 the laugh at the weakness of Flourish's constitution. During the 
 space of time that Flourish was recovering his exhausted breath, 
 he perceived old Doleful running as fast as he could towards him 
 who, upon reaching him, observed, " I beg your pardon, sir ; 
 I cannot find the ' World's End ! ' and I am afraid I shall lose 
 the job." 
 
 Flourish could scarcely look at Doleful, from the effects of 
 risibility, at the great simplicity displayed by the tally under- 
 taker. " Egad," said Flourish,* " I beg your pardon I have 
 made a mistake how could I be so stupid ! I mean ' the Man 
 struggling to get through the World ! ' but there is such a 
 similarity between them, that any person might have committed 
 an error quite unintentionally. However, you shall be correct 
 now, as I will write it down for you ; but if you do not make 
 haste you will be too late." 
 
 i 
 
58 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 Away ran Doleful, but in his haste he tripped up against a 
 stone, and down he measured his whole length on the ground ; 
 which Flourish perceiving-, proposed to the ladies to have a stroll 
 to some other part of the Park. On turning- round, just to have 
 a last look at Doleful, he perceived the thread-paper sort of 
 fig-ure of the undertaker on his leg-s, hopping as fast as he could 
 for ' the Man struggling to get through the World ! ' Flourish 
 was now totally unable to proceed until he had enjoyed an im- 
 moderate fit of laug-hter at the successful hoax, a second time 
 which he had played off on old Doleful : but on taking out his 
 pocket-book, to write the direction for the undertaker, he acci- 
 dentally let fall one of his cards, unperceived by himself, but 
 which was carefully picked up by one of the young- ladies, who, 
 after looking- at the name, immediately concealed it in her 
 reticule. 
 
 " Did I not see that grim spectre-looking sort of man on board 
 the steamer ? " asked the Duchess. " What a horrid fright for 
 a human being ! " 
 
 " Yes, madam/' replied Flourish ; " he is a cheap undertaker 
 by profession always looking out for a job. Therefore, to have 
 a little bit of fun, I found him a subject, and he is gone to look 
 after the said imaginary being to bury him. Will you allow 
 me ha ! ha ! to recommend him to the notice of your Lady- 
 ship ?" 
 
 " For mercy's sake, sir, don't frighten me to death ! He is 
 more terrible-looking than any of the horrid skeletons in the 
 German Opera. But it was cruel of you," said the Duchess ; 
 " O fie ! " Yet, nevertheless, in spite of their sympathy, they all 
 joined most heartily in the laugh at the finisher's expence. 
 
 On recovering from their laugh, they had not proceeded far 
 from the above spot before Flourish perceived a large ring, com- 
 posed of young men and girls, enjoying themselves at a rural 
 game, which is very conspicuous at holyday time in Greenwich 
 Park, called " KISSING IN THE RING ! " It is truly simple in its 
 nature, and does not require the least instruction to become per- 
 fect : for instance, the female selects one of the males whom 
 she appears to prefer to any other person present, when she 
 touches him on the back, and then runs away from him as fast 
 as she can, until the man she has touched overtakes her. The 
 female is then taken into the ring, when she is saluted by her 
 admirer, and also by the clerk of the ring. She is then left as a 
 pledge until she is relieved by some other aspiring lover from 
 the ring. Therefore, those ladies who are fond of kissing, here 
 may be gratified to the utmost extent of their wishes. 
 
 Flourish now thought he had an opportunity to have a bit of 
 fun with the young ladies, when he thus addressed them : 
 " Now, young ladies, it is my turn to challenge ; what do you 
 say to a game at Kiss in the Ring ? It is a game I am very fond 
 of. Therefore, my dear Miss Seraphina, let me beg the favour 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 59 
 
 of a slight touch from you, that 1 may have the inexpressible 
 felicity of a chaste salute from those vermillion lips. After- 
 wards, another touch from my dear Miss Wilhelmina ; and then 
 I shall be doubly blessed. Nothing 1 can be more simple, I assure 
 you. Suppose we commence the game 
 
 " You astonish me, Mr. Flourish, at the boldness of your re- 
 quest," said Miss Seraphiria, with a sort of disdainful air, " I 
 hate kissing! 'tis a vulgar practice, as well as an immodest 
 one. But if I did consent to kiss, I should say, with Juliana, in 
 the Honeymoon, ' I only kiss where I love." 
 
 " Bravo ! " answered Flourish, " I admire your spirit, not to 
 say your good taste ; but you know it is only RURAL FELICITY ! 
 We do not expect it in drawing-rooms ; but it is all fair at 
 fair-time ! Come, come, do not be so cold. I once more chal- 
 lenge you to the ring. You have given me a good specimen that 
 you are nimble on the foot, and there is a probability I might not 
 catch you/' 
 
 " Stop, stop, Mr. Flourish, not quite so fast," replied Miss 
 Wilhelmina ; " I say much more than my sister it is a most 
 filthy practice so much slabbering about it, to let every rude 
 beast salute your lips, be what his breath may. It is quite shock- 
 ing so think no more about it. Come, let us be walking, and 
 seek for subjects more interesting than an unmeaning kiss ! " 
 
 Flourish felt quite surprised, nay, abashed at this unexpected 
 check and was rather confounded at the freedom with which they 
 used his name ! How could they have acquired it ? thought he. 
 He was almost at a stand-still for a reply ; but, however, he de- 
 termined to rally them slightly on their coyness, and to try if he 
 could not reduce their pride a little. " Every one to his taste," 
 said Flourish : " but I should like to have one harmless run ; 
 there really are some very nice girls in the ring, that a duke 
 might not be ashamed to salute some of the choicest gifts of 
 Nature \" 
 
 " You are only joking, Mr. Flourish," said the Duchess, " I 
 am sure ; and you are determined to be facetious ! A gentleman 
 of Mr. Flourish's pretensions in society would not like to be dis- 
 covered making himself an equal amongst such a herd of com- 
 mon-place sort of folks. Therefore, if you have no objection, we 
 will move forwards to a spot more congenial to all our taste and 
 feelings True, as you say, sir, it is Fair time but, in some 
 cases, we ought never to lose sight of our dignity." 
 
 u Perhaps you may be right, madam," answered Flourish ; 
 " you have called me by the name of Flourish are you certain 
 that is my proper designation ?" 
 
 " We are quite certain of that circumstance," replied the 
 Duchess " You are better known to us than you expect or 
 you might have been assured, that we should not have trusted 
 ourselves in any other company but that of a gentleman . we 
 are also aware that you are a rich man highly connected and 
 
60 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 that, like ourselves, you have descended a few steps from your 
 proper station in society, to have a day's fun at Greenwich !" 
 The conversation received a short pause for a few minutes, 
 hut in passing- a very large moveable tavern, Miss Seraphina ob- 
 served to her sister, " Something- smells very nice, indeed ! I 
 declare it has made me quite hungry ! I wonder now whether 
 the articles of food at these places are g-ood ! If I thoug-ht they 
 were, I would not mind, for my part, just having- a sandwich, 
 by way of a lunch, and also to stay one's appetite, as it will be 
 so very late before we g-et home to dinner. Nobody will know 
 us ! and if they should, why every body must take refreshment, 
 you know." 
 
 " I declare, too, that I am almost dying 1 for something- ! We 
 came out in such a hurry, that I had scarcely any breakfast : I 
 have no objection," observed Wilhelmina ; " but ma is so very 
 particular she never will put her notions of quality on the 
 shelf, if it were only for a few minutes ! What delightful looking 
 ham ! the beef, too, appears delicious and the pickles looked 
 really inviting- to a degree. Only look, ma, what a stylish 
 booth !" 
 
 This dialog-ue being- overheard by a man at the door, whom 
 some persons mig-ht desig-nate as a Touter, he immediately com- 
 menced the following- harang-ue: " I beg- pardon, young- lady, 
 the term is obsolete ! Our ancestors, the g-ood old folks that are 
 dead and g-one, kept Booths, I admit but this building-, my 
 fair damsel, is called a TAVERN : only look at the eleg-ance of 
 it, and you will allow that the expression was wrong- ; but most 
 of us, at times, young' lady, are apt to make mistakes and none 
 of us are infallible. 
 
 " Tais Tavern was desig-ned by our very first architects Sir 
 John Soane, arid the great Nash I do not know which, but I 
 should rather say they both had a hand in it ; indeed, so much 
 was its architecture admired at Ascot Races, that the late 
 King- Georg-e IV., in raptures with the composition of it, 
 ordered it immediately to be served up to him like a joint 
 of meat ; but, as that could not be done, this great King- of 
 Taste was content to view it through one of Dollond's five hun- 
 dred guinea telescopes, when he not only pronounced it 4 Pro- 
 digious !' but * a Palace in miniature !' ' ; 
 
 " How very astonishing !" cried the Duchess : " I would not 
 have believed the story, if I had not have heard it from this 
 man's lips !" 
 
 "'Therefore," said the man, resuming his discourse ; " you 
 cannot do better than to walk in seat yourselves down comfort- 
 ablyand call for what you please. Lots of quality dine here 
 every day, at this particular season of the year. You will find 
 every thing here in apple-pye order ; and we are complimented 
 on our good taste by the most magnificent people in society. 
 But where's the wonder ? We employ Monsieur Ude, the cele- 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 6l 
 
 brated cook, there never was such a cook born before ; nor 
 there never will be such a cook born ag'ain ! who makes all 
 our pastry during- this splendid CARNIVAL. 
 
 " We spare no expense ! Profit we do not care about ! Our 
 only aim being- to g-ive satisfaction ! We are every-day sort of 
 tavern keepers ! We are here THERE and at every place, 
 where the quality show themselves we are strong-ly connected 
 with the PEERAGE ; therefore, permit me to say, ladies and 
 g-entlemen, that character yes, character aye, 1 repeat it 
 character with us, is the leading- feature of this most splendid 
 Arabian-nig-ht sort of establishment. There is nothing- like it in 
 the world ! 
 
 " Our wines are rich, mellow, and old ! and we can challeng-e 
 the East or West India Docks and as the sporting- g-entlemen 
 say at Epsom, we can g-ive any tavern-keeper under the g-lobe 
 TWELVE, and beat him. Our Bees-wing-s are worth a Jew's-, 
 eye and we have g-ot a patent from the king- and queen of the 
 bees, on that particular point of excellence. 
 
 " The Champag-ne that we have in our cases, I want words to 
 describe its beauty, independent of its hig-h flavour ! Talk of 
 pink its nothing- else but pink. Our Sherry never was boug-ht 
 it could not be boug-ht it is part of a present which came 
 from the King- of Spain ; but that is neither here, nor there, 
 only a few bottles of it are left therefore, I think this hint is 
 worth its weig-ht in gold and the lovers of fine wines would 
 pay a premium, if they knew where they could purchase it. 
 
 " Our table-cloths are as white as snow knives as sharp as 
 razors plate of all descriptions, but no plated articles whatever. 
 Remember it is the CROWN, and the Crown does nothing- by 
 halves and our Anchor teaches us to HOPE that you will be 
 more than satisfied with our superior refreshments." 
 
 " What an extraordinary fellow," said the Duchess, " he 
 must certainly be some broken-down counsellor ; why Lord 
 Broug-ham, nor Sir Robert Peel neither, could have spoken 
 more to the purpose. I declare it was quite an oratorical 
 flourish ! The invitation is excellent, and I feel half subdued 
 already. If I thoug-ht we could slide into this tavern, as it were, 
 without being- recog-nized by any of our friends, I have half a 
 mind to consent." 
 
 " You will not be seen by any person, ma \" answered Miss 
 Seraphina, " there are times when 1 think pride should 
 relax a little ; and if you agree with the old proverb that ' neces- 
 sity has no law/ where can be the objection ? Hung-er, I have 
 heard it said, will break throug-h stone walls ; I am sure preju- 
 dices are much more easily overcome. I am so hungry, that I 
 shall do any thing- presently, reg-ardless of propriety." 
 
 " Pray, ma! do unbend? You will be ill. lam sure you 
 must be faint," echoed Wilhelmina ; "well, I .shall judg-e for 
 myself, and enter this tavern sans ceremonie !" 
 
<V2 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " Well, well, you really are such coaxing-, persuading 1 , teazing 
 sort of girls, that I suppose I shall have no peace if I do not 
 comply with your request. But mind, girls, if your rich and 
 particular aristocratic old uncle, the General, a P. and Q. sort of 
 character, should hear of it, mind you must take all the blame ! 
 But I certainly should not like to see you dying 1 with hunger." 
 
 " Now really, my dear madam/' observed Flourish, " I think 
 you are too particular, you ought not to stand upon such niceties. 
 You are only here for ten minutes, to partake of a lunch, and 
 gone the next ; I assure you, I have seen persons of the first 
 respectability in life take refreshments at this tavern." 
 
 " There, mamma ! you hear what Mr. Flourish has to say upon 
 the subject," said Wilhelmina, " and now I will not take any 
 refusal." 
 
 " Then say no more, my dear girls," replied the Duchess, " we 
 will go in : but lose no time, give your orders for what you 
 should like best, without Mr. Flourish will have the kindness 
 to tell the people what is necessary to place on the table for 
 gentlefolks !" 
 
 The waiters were not in the least dull, after such an under- 
 standing- between the parties, and catching 1 hold of the last 
 sentence, they were satisfied that some g-ood customers were 
 before them. The table was soon spread out 1 with every deli- 
 cacy the tavern afforded, in great profusion, and no time was 
 lost by the Duchess and her daughters to commence operations. 
 
 " Sans ceremonie !" said Miss Seraphina, " let us make our- 
 selves all at home." 
 
 No rough dairy maid, hungry groom, or shepherd's boy, ever 
 displayed better appetites ; or, more tact in disposing of ham, 
 fowls, beef,&c., than the Duchess and her daug-hters did : they 
 appeared more like cormorants, who had been kept without food 
 for several days cut and come again laughing- and joking with 
 each other on the subject ; although, but a few minutes before, 
 they had displayed the squeamishness of the most fastidious per- 
 sons in the world. 
 
 " I declare," said Miss Wilhelmina, with the bone of a fowl 
 in her fingers, " I never relished any thing half so well in my 
 life this trip by water has given me quite an appetite." 
 
 " It is quite delightful !" observed Seraphina, " if you call 
 this RURAL FELICITY I shall never be tired of it ; but I sup- 
 pose it is the novelty of the thing I really am ashamed of 
 myself/' 
 
 They did not trouble Mr. Flourish to give orders, but boldly 
 called for every thing they wanted. Flourish was so struck with 
 astonishment, that he could scarcely taste a bit himself, ruminat- 
 ing what strange sort of folks the people of quality were. 
 
 When the Duchess, with the utmost sang froid, said to the 
 waiters, " I think I heard you praising your Pink Champagne ; 
 you had better bring a couple of bottles !" Flourish looked un- 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 63 
 
 utterable tiling's, but said nothing. " Girls/' observed the 
 Duchess, with a sort of satirical smile upon her face, " this is 
 one of our gala days ! and I think, as it is growing lat^fc we may 
 as well make a dinner of it instead of a lunch ; and I shall 
 allow you both to take a glass of Champagne ; Mr. Flourish, I 
 am sure, will join us." 
 
 Mr. Flourish nodded consent, and said " Certainly !" but his 
 articulation was very faint and his former spirits seemed on the 
 vane. He looked dull. The Champagne soon disappeared ; in 
 truth, so did every thing else. 
 
 " I always take a glass of Madeira, my dear mamma, after my 
 dinner, you know ; therefore," said Seraphina, u you have no 
 objection that my sister and 1 should have one each to-day." 
 
 " By all means, my dear," replied the Duchess, " but let me 
 recommend, after cold fowl, ham, &c., a little Eau d' vie as a 
 preventive to spasms ! Therefore, waiter, bring some brandy 
 with the Madeira." 
 
 " The fruit looks delightful," said Wilhelmina ; " therefore, 
 you may bring the dessert as soon as you like, waiter." 
 
 The waiter, as quick as lightning, brought order after order 
 made by the ladies. te Here is the Madeira, madam ; and I have 
 also brought for your taste some of the finest red Port in the 
 world, and Sherry to match with it, to save you trouble." 
 
 " You have done perfectly right," answered the Duchess ; " 1 
 see you are a clever man ; and at my next rout I shall want such 
 a clever assistant-waiter like yourself; but you must let me have 
 your card before I go, that I may send to you." 
 
 The Duchess rallied Flourish on his lowness of spirits, which 
 he denied, and evidently assumed to be cheerful ; when the 
 former drank to the girls, and the young ladies returned the 
 compliment to their mamma. They were all in high mirth and 
 good humour, and called upon Flourish to give them some 
 toasts. He began to find himself getting a little queer, but his 
 guests did not appear any the worse for the portion of the Cham- 
 pagne which they had drank ; but, nevertheless, the girls were 
 inclined to " break out " several times, had it not have been for 
 the " stern frown" which the Duchess put on, as a cue for them 
 to be quiet : however, to prevent any mistakes, the Duchess apo- 
 logized to Flourish, and observed it was growing rather late, 
 and they must think of getting back to London ; she was also 
 sorry, nay, afraid, that they had kept him so long from his 
 friends." 
 
 Flourish begged of the Duchess not to mention it : he had 
 never before been in such delightful company time positively 
 flew and regretted they must part, but " not for ever ! " 
 
 " By no means," replied the Duchess ; " that would be griev- 
 ous indeed." 
 
 " Part for ever ! " echoed the girls ; " perish the thought ! 
 Mamma, have you not given Mr. Flourish our card?" 
 
64 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " Here it is, Mr. Flourish," with a smile displaying* at the 
 same time a magnificent card case, said the Duchess ; " The 
 
 Honorable Mrs. , Grosvenor-square : where we shall be 
 
 most happy to see you at any time you can make it convenient ; 
 or, at our villa, as my Seraph, will have it the girl is so roman- 
 tic in her ideas ; but I designate it no more than a mere cot a 
 plain, simple-looking- cottage, but fitted up truly in character, 
 after the style of his late Majesty George the Fourth's private 
 retreat in Windsor Great Park. Therefore, sir, you can take 
 your choice at the cottage we rusticate ; or, I should rather 
 say, unbend." 
 
 The bill was now presented to our hero but, on looking at 
 the bottom of it, the figure altered his countenance a little ; 
 however, he made no remark his gallantry forbade it. 
 
 The Duchess, who was far from a novice, and who could 
 read the face of Flourish, apologized for the omission of her 
 purse, as she felt anxious to take a share in the expences ; but 
 Flourish would not listen to any such thing. No, no the ladies 
 never paid in his company. 
 
 t( You are a perfect gentleman, I am sure, sir, and I know 
 you will excuse me, as I am without my purse/' observed the 
 Duchess, " I shall require the loan of five pounds from you to 
 pay for a glass coach to carry us to our town house. It quite 
 slipped my memory to have ordered the carriage ! I hope I am 
 not making too free/' 
 
 " No more free than welcome, madam ; I am happy it is in 
 my power to serve you." The preliminaries being thus settled 
 for return to London, Flourish escorted the ladies to the best 
 house in the town, and put the Duchess and her daughters into 
 a post chaise. " Adieu, sir ;" li Farewell, ladies ;" were often 
 repeated between them, but no chaste salutes ! The post-chaise 
 was soon out of sight and Flourish left to reflect at the termi- 
 nation of his adventure with some little astonishment ! 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 FLOURISH asking himself a few questions ! Perplexed with 
 doubts ! Satire a bitter weapon ; and men, in general, 
 afraid of being laughed at. A hint or two respecting the 
 dangers of blind confidence ,- or persons having too good 
 an opinion of their own sagacity. Travellers see strange 
 things, and are rather too apt to praise other countries 
 in preference to their own : nevertheless, Greenwich Fair 
 and the Park contrasted with the Carnival at Naples. 
 The Dance not the Tarantula ; but equally as exciting 
 to the feelings nothing else but gay moments touch and 
 take please your taste running kisses dangerous to be 
 safe " the days when I were young" quality and 
 quantity both in the field : 
 
 Poor Pauline ! you know what I mean, 
 
 There's more to be fear'd from a fall on the grass, 
 
 Than a race on the frozen river ! 
 
 M 4 KEMONEY'slove of country again displayed. SPRIGHTLY 
 over head and ears in love .' The ARTISTS at work DRAW- 
 ing the Flats and the Pilgrims let into the secret ! 
 
 LOURISH, for a few seconds, 
 stood like a man in a trance ; the 
 transition he had experienced was 
 great in the extreme from gay to 
 grave in an instant the Duchess 
 and the two prattlers, Seraphine and 
 Wilhelmina, out of sig-ht like a shot, 
 
 K 
 
66 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 galloping towards London leaving Flourish a complete picture 
 of loneliness. He seemed lost to every thing around him but 
 at length, starting from his reverie, he mentally exclaimed 
 
 Can such things be, 
 
 And overcome us like a summer's cloud, 
 
 Without our special wonder? 
 
 Or, to use a vulgar phrase, but quite in point, that a fool and his 
 money were soon parted : indeed, he appeared astonished at his 
 own conduct wheedled, as it were, out of a truly expensive, 
 nay, extravagant dinner positively a Clarendon touch united 
 with the loan of five pounds ! And all this politeness liberality 
 condescension, and generosity, to perfect strangers ! What a 
 change in circumstances, in the course of a fleeting hour or two ! 
 How are we beguiled entrapped decoyed induced but 
 no matter such are the adventures of real life. 
 
 Flourish, it should seem, was carried away by an impulse he 
 had never felt before. It had hitherto been his boast that he 
 always " looked before he leaped !" but, in the present instance, 
 he was hurried on so precipitately, that he had not an opportu- 
 nity of making good his retreat. His gallantry was put to the 
 test and although few men had a greater regard for the cash 
 than Flourish, yet he startled at the idea of being thought a 
 shabby fellow ! He could not make up his mind to say NO ! 
 The fascinating Duchess, who was well read in the ways of men, 
 with her interesting daughters, were too much for him ; and yes, 
 yes, and yes, were the replies to all their questions. 
 
 The greater portion of the errors that mankind too often split 
 upon, arise from the flattering unction with which they please 
 their minds, namely, the superior intuitive knowledge and expe- 
 rience which they think they possess, generally, over their fel- 
 low creatures ; and it is from this sort of confidence, rather say 
 blindness, that they are tricked, imposed upon, nay, laughed at, 
 for exhibiting such weakness of disposition. In the first place, 
 take the legal Wrangler at the top of his bent for talents, expe- 
 rience, acuteness, and wisdom ; and, at times, the " glorious 
 uncertainty of the law" throws him over the bridge, and all his 
 profundity goes for nothing. 
 
 You may also travel through the various grades of society, 
 step by step, and a thick volume would not be half large enough 
 to shew how men who think themselves knowing, well in- 
 formed, up to every thing, armed at all points, and who not 
 only flatter themselves, but who often assert, with a self-ap- 
 proving smile, that if A. or B. can impose upon their under- 
 standing, they will forgive them are cheated with the utmost 
 ease and simplicity. 
 
 The inveterate gambler, who lives by his wits always cal- 
 culating, whether foul or fair, to reduce his winnings to a cer- 
 tainty ; goes to sleep with some new scheme in his head, 
 and his first thoughts, on rising in the morning, are to put his 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 67 
 
 well-laid plans into execution, arid success must be the result. 
 Yet, when he resorts to the table at night, with his mind made 
 up of unmeasured good fortune confident to the echo it has 
 often been seen that he has become one of the greatest flats and 
 victims, in consequence of his opponent having- found out what 
 is termed " a new pull," and of which he is as ignorant as 
 the veriest novice. 
 
 But one more instance will suffice: A celebrated juggler, 
 
 the Sieur , highly distinguished for what is termed the 
 
 art of Legerdemain, or Hocus Pocus, exhibited some years ago 
 at Bartholomew Fair with immense success. His tricks with 
 the cards were astonishing ; his fame resounded from one 
 end of the Fair to the other ; and the general assertions were 
 that he dealt with, or had a patent from the " Old One ! " for 
 his diablerie ! In addition to his fame, as one of the Emperors 
 of Conjurors, he filled his pockets with cash ; and retired, at the 
 conclusion of the Fair, highly gratified with his exertions and 
 good fortune. However, a well-known gambler, at that period, 
 laid a plant for him ; he declared that the Sieur was a first- 
 rate conjuror, but that he had no more knowledge of games than 
 a mere child. This challenge had the desired effect : the Sieur 
 felt irritated at the threat thus to reduce his importance ; yet, 
 nevertheless, appeared to treat it with contempt feeling con- 
 fidently that no man could more adroitly shift a card, palm a 
 deuce or tray, than he could. The Sieur immediately offered 
 to play at any game from a guinea to 100. The parties met ; 
 but, in the course of the night, the conjuror was not only laughed 
 at, but tricked out of every farthing that he possessed in the 
 world : at the same time, the Sieur well knew that he had been 
 cheated, bat he could not detect the pull of his opponent. These 
 are only the common, nay routine, circumstances which occur 
 every day in life with MEN ; but when a woman is the feature 
 lovely woman whose mere looks can conquer whose eyes 
 speak volumes whose tongue enchants whose manners fas- 
 cinate and whose figure enraptures and for whom a ten 
 years siege was fought some little allowance will be made 
 for the self-important Flourish who had made up his mind in 
 the closet not to be subdued and overcome who had also erected 
 himself into the hero in still life ; but in the public walks of 
 society proved, that, with all his boasted insight into human na- 
 ture, he was in reality nothing more than a mere novice. 
 
 Flourish, on recollecting himself, and recovering in some 
 degree from his stupor, the appointment with his brother Pil- 
 grims immediately flashed across his mind, and prepared him- 
 self to meet them at Richardson's Theatre in the Fair. 
 
 On his way towards this latter scene of confusion, he was 
 wrapt up in thought, cogitating on his singular adventure with 
 the Duchess. On reflection, he was astonished, delighted, yet 
 confounded, at such a mixture of behaviour from pride and 
 
68 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 haughtiness, at times, down to the extreme of vulgarity. It was 
 above his comprehension he could not " make them out ! " Me 
 felt puzzled ; but still he entertained an opinion they were not 
 common sort of people ; and that, from their freedom of con- 
 versation on general topics, they had or did move in good circles 
 of society. And then their card a high-sounding designation. 
 However, he would not decide on the conduct of the Duchess 
 and her daughters, until he had had another interview with them : 
 his judgment, he presumed, might then be more satisfactory, if 
 not correct. Until that period arrived, he was determined to be 
 as close as a pill-box, and " mum" in a great measure, to any 
 questions from Makemoney and his nephew, respecting their 
 general behaviour, his expences, and their place of abode. 
 
 During the time which occupied Flourish with the ladies, 
 Makemoney and Jem had not been idle spectators of the nume- 
 rous attractions which Greenwich presents to the visitors during 
 the holydays. Heroes are to be discovered in abundance, and 
 heroines out of number ; and we very much doubt whether the 
 " Carnival of Naples," highly as it has been spoken of by tra- 
 vellers, could compete with the varieties of fun, frolic, humour, 
 spree, adventures, and anecdotes, which are to be met with, 
 during a day's pleasure in the renowned Greenwich Park ! 
 
 Distant objects are frequently highly coloured by travellers 
 to give them importance ; and we have heard mole-hills 
 magnified into huge mountains ! Here no gondolas are required 
 to heighten the delightful scene upon the Thames ; nor poignards 
 found necessary to revenge an insult but wherries, filled with 
 well-dressed females and smart young men, all in eager antici- 
 pation to partake and enjoy the amusements at this peculiar 
 season of the year. 
 
 It is a fine field for observation ; and, to any thing like an 
 active mind, amusement is to be found from " peep o'day " until 
 the sun goes down. The middling and lower classes of society 
 are here seen to perfection without the aid of a microscope, and 
 the ENGLISH CHARACTER, in all its glowing colours, from youth 
 to extreme old age. 
 
 We are not aware that the watermen on the Thames have 
 any peculiar songs or airs connected with their occupations, 
 while the boatmen of other rivers abroad are said to be highly 
 distinguished for musical sounds by travellers ; nothing to com- 
 pete with Tasso and Ariosto: but here and there, in a row up 
 to Vauxhall or r down to Greenwich, a few touching notes may 
 be heard to escape the lips of those watermen who have a taste 
 for music what many persons call " snatches" but truly na- 
 tional ! and of both a comic and serious description : 
 
 " There was a waterman, one Jack Street, 
 
 Who used to ply along the Thames river ; 
 He had serv'd aboard his Majesty's fleet, 
 Pull away! yo-e-yo ! 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 69 
 
 He piy'd with sculls, a scull-cap wore, 
 And it was noticed how he swore : 
 
 Right foddi, viddi, voddi, pull away ! 
 
 Right foddi, viddi, voddi, pull away ! 
 
 " The Life of Poor Jack," " My Poll and my Partner Joe," 
 and 
 
 " Did you not hear of a jolly young waterman, 
 Who at Blackfriars Bridge used for to ply," &c. 
 
 Not only the words, but the music also, from the peri of the 
 late Charles Dibdin, Esq., which tend to enliven the feelings to a 
 recollection of the brave deeds of our warlike countrymen ; and 
 equally as harmonious to the ear, if there are persons who can be 
 inclined to think that excellence may be produced in England, 
 without the passport of FOREIGN aid to be added to it. When 
 the above song's were first produced, they had such an effect upon 
 the feeling-s of the young- men, all over the country, that thou- 
 sands were induced to enter as volunteers in the navy. However, 
 we have one little point in our favor, connected with a British 
 composer,* which rather makes Englishmen feel that they have 
 something* National belonging 1 to them, even in music : 
 
 When the wind blows, 
 Then the mill goes ! 
 
 equal to any thing- heard on the rivers, or canals abroad, where 
 delightful harmony is the subject in question. 
 
 Makemoney and Sprightly in their rambles through the park, 
 did not come in contact with Flourish and the ladies, being too 
 much occupied with their own pursuits. The nephew wished 
 his uncle to have a turn at ' Kiss in the Ring !' " You will 
 only have to run for it. Ha ! ha ! ha ! and if it is not worth 
 fetching it is not worth having !" 
 
 But the Old Gentleman, as he termed himself, thought it 
 would be rather out of character. " I may," said he, " look and 
 long, or look back to the days of my youth. No, no, it is too 
 late in the day for me to play at ' kiss in the ring/ but when you 
 are tired of the sport, you will find me in the enjoyment of my 
 pipe at yonder tavern." 
 
 " Be it so," replied Jem, st I have to thank you for your accom- 
 modation ; indeed, I must gratefully acknowledge you are at all 
 times anxious to afford me amusement. I will soon join 
 you ; as I shall require some refreshment after this pleasant ex- 
 ercise." 
 
 Sprightly joined the merry party with all the lively spirit and 
 wildness of a young- colt he was all animation his eyes were 
 
 * When Bishop was on the Continent, he met with the late Von Weber at a 
 party ; but the latter splendid musician could not recollect the name of the 
 former eminent English composer. However, in order to shew that the excellence 
 of Bishop's composition had a holdfast upon his mind lie ran to a piano-forte in 
 the room, and began playing the air alluded to in the Miller and his Men. A 
 more truly gratifying compliment could not have been paid to any man of talent. 
 
70 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 full of fire he had the look of a gentleman and very superior 
 altogether to. the young men who had congregated together upon 
 this occasion. He was not long before he received a slight touch 
 upon the back from one of the most lovely young females in the 
 group, as a pleasing indication to him, that he was to have the 
 pleasure of kissing her if he caught the prize. 
 
 Sprightly answered the touch with the speed of a greyhound, 
 and he very soon made a capture of his fascinating challenger ; 
 but he did not stand upon the punctilios of the game and 
 kissed o'er and o'er again, with the most ardent raptures which 
 beauty inspires, without the least opposition, nay, it should seem 
 they were more agreeable than otherwise. Upon entering the 
 ring- with his fair captive, he again imprinted a dozen or more 
 kisses on her lips which called forth the remarks of a young 
 man rather in an angry tone, who had observed his attentions : 
 
 " I think, sir," said he, " you are making rather too free with 
 the lips of that lady. One kiss, according to the rules of the 
 game, ought to have satisfied you/' 
 
 " I beg pardon, young man/' replied Sprightly, " there are 
 no rules laid down for kissing, that I ever heard of. One hun- 
 dred kisses would not have satisfied me, had it been left to my 
 choice. Indeed, I should never be satisfied with kissing such a 
 lovely pair of vermilion lips. But you are not the clerk of the 
 ring ! Then by what right have you to call me to account for 
 kissing the lady ?" 
 
 " By the best of all rights her husband \" 
 
 " Most undoubtedly," said Sprightly, " that alters the case ; 
 but if you will let your young and lovely wife, play at kiss in the 
 ring, why, all I can say is, you must take the consequences ! 
 A wife of mine, if she was as ugly as ugliness itself, should 
 not play at kiss in the ring, either with or without my leave 
 but for a divinity like yours " 
 
 This handsome compliment elegant flourish or piece of 
 well-timed flattery call it what you will not only appeared 
 to please, but raised the spirits of the young lady, who observed 
 " La, my dear Charles, what a piece of fuss you are making 
 about a harmless kiss. The gentleman is not to blame in the 
 slightest degree. He has not acted rudely towards me ; but on 
 the contrary, polite and genteel more than otherwise. We both 
 complied with the rules of the game. Nothing else ! I touched 
 him he followed me and after all, it is nothing more than a 
 ' chaste salute !' And considered all fair at fair time. There- 
 fore, do not be jealous, my love, about such trifles !" 
 
 (( Trifles !" muttered her husband, " I beg you will quit the 
 ring immediately, Fanny. Such trifles may lead to " 
 
 " I shall not quit the ring, sir, without you give up the game 
 too ! Such remarks are uncalled for ; and let me warn you, 
 Charles, not to be jealous without a cause. I am sure I saw you 
 kiss a female eight or ten times ; nay, you seemed as if you could 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 71 
 
 have devoured her lips ! In truth, you acted more like a lover 
 than a married man! You compel me to forget myself." 
 
 " My sweet young* lady," said Sprightly, " let me beg pardon, 
 I have been the innocent cause of this little unpleasantness 
 between you : depend upon it, sir, 1 will not offend again. I 
 will not kiss your pretty wife any more." 
 
 " There is no offence in it at all, sir," replied the lady, " you 
 are not to blame ; therefore no apology is necessary. If my 
 husband did not think it wrong in the first instance, why did 
 he ask me to join the sport ? You need not " 
 
 " No more, Fanny," said her husband, sharply. " I wish you 
 a good day, sir," and putting his wife under his arm, he walked 
 off at a smart pace to another part of the Park. 
 
 Sprightly appeared quite pleased that the above little fracas 
 had terminated so quietly ; and turning on his heel, began to sing 
 to himself the last part of the well-known beautiful glee on this 
 subject: 
 
 May his soul rest in heaven ! 
 
 He deserv'd it, I'm sure 
 
 Who was first the inventorof kissing ! 
 
 Sprightly soon joined his uncle, and upon his relating the 
 above adventure to him ; Makemoney observed " Aye, my boy, 
 you see the danger attached to kissing other men's wives 
 whether by accident or design ; therefore, avoid it in future ! 
 Private property, you know,[ought always to be respected ; land- 
 marks claim attention at all times ; and there are boundaries to 
 all things ! A young married female may be compared to a 
 tinder-box a spark is likely to make it burst into a blaze ; and 
 fire often proves our master ! Then do not become a Lucifer 
 Ha ! ha ! ha !" 
 
 Sprightly made no reply ; but he had scarcely seated him- 
 self, when the music, and lots of fine girls engaged in the dance, 
 in another part of the tavern appropriated for the votaries of 
 Terpsichore, attracted his attention. 
 
 " You must excuse me, uncle," said he, " I should like to have 
 only one dance, and when your pipe is out, give me a call, and 
 I will attend your summons immediately ; or, perhaps, if it was 
 not deemed so vulgar, (as the cant is, that they do these things 
 better in France,) you might have been inclined to have 
 had a step or two, upon the old English system, ' hail fellow, 
 well met.'" 
 
 " My dancing days, I am rather afraid, my boy, are nearly, if 
 not quite over," replied Makemoney; " if I even felt disposed to 
 join the gay throng. The hilarity of the scene is delightful ; and 
 the dancing altogether considerably better than I expected to 
 witness at a fair ; indeed, some of the females would not 
 disgrace a Ball Room ; therefore, I must insist upon it, that they 
 cannot do these things better in France ! They might have done 
 so when STERNE made the assertion, some sixty or seventy years 
 
72 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 ago, but since that period the English people have made such 
 rapid improvements in every subject connected with ease, ele- 
 gance, and the Fine Arts, that it becomes a question with me 
 whether we are a jot behind them in such parties as are to be 
 seen tripping- it away on the light fantastic toe in holiday time ! 
 They have their manner of doing things, and we have our mode. 
 But the cry is against us, I must admit, with a travelled few, 
 who wish to have something foreign for breakfast foreign for 
 dinner foreign for tea and foreign for supper, in order to as- 
 sume an importance, which they do not possess to call it judg- 
 ment would be a perversion of the phrase/' 
 
 " Bravo, my uncle, I am delighted with your love of country 
 your anxiety to do it justice," said Sprightly ; " and no 
 one will deny but that you are an Englishman from the crown of 
 your head to the sole of your foot." 
 
 " The fact is, they can do nothing better in France than we 
 can in England," observed Makemoney ; " I may be laughed at, 
 I am aware, for this display of nationality but let us scan our 
 amusements only : the French never had such a singer as the 
 late Charles Incledon ; and again, it would puzzle them to find 
 such a vocalist as Mr. Braham. We'll leave the wooden walls 
 and those fellows that wear the blue shirts out of the question ! 
 Ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 
 " And if Sterne could pop his head out of his tomb at the 
 present moment, he would proudly acknowledge the great im- 
 provement and change of circumstances which have taken place 
 for the better, since he penned his Sentimental Journey ! 
 
 " Their Opera dancers (my judgment may be treated with 
 contempt) may have a feather in weight the advantage of us ; 
 but, nevertheless, Oscar Byrne perfectly satisfied them on their 
 own boards in Paris, that he well knew the use of his feet as a 
 dancer of the first quality ! Ducrow, in the Circle at Franconi's, 
 extorted from them the exclamations of Bravo ! and Superbe ! 
 and T. P. Cooke, in the beautiful monster, as they termed his 
 personification of that imaginary being, obtained their applause 
 as a touch of the magnificent ! As a climax our Vestris, who 
 relies on her HEAD instead of her heels ; I have great doubts 
 whether it is possible that Madame can be rivalled in any 
 shape or degree ; but to be excelled is entirely out of the ques- 
 tion ! Yet I am ready to pay every respect and deference to the 
 French nation as a great people masters of the art of war as 
 soldiers and well skilled in all the sciences, literature, &c. 
 But that they do things better in France, perish the thought ! 
 For myself, I never did, nor I never will harbour such an idea. 
 
 " Be on your guard respecting ' the Sisterhood ; ' 
 they appear to have mustered very strongly upon this occasion ; 
 but, to be sure, holiday time is their harvest ; however, they 
 are dangerous articles at all times to young men, when flushed 
 with the juice of the grape, and the fascinating dance!" 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 73 
 
 ** Never fear, sir/' replied Sprightly ; " your advice is well 
 meant but those sort of ' characters ' never claim my attention ; 
 the term may be harsh, I admit but I loathe and detest the 
 name of a prostitute they cease to be women in my estimation. 
 A female who can forget what is due to her sex, I " 
 
 " Not so fast, my boy/' observed Makemoney ; " Virtue I 
 admire ; I have the highest veneration for Chastity in a female ; 
 and propriety of conduct is above all other considerations. 
 I never can become the apologist for vice in any shape but it is 
 the CAUSE and I feel more inclined, five times out of six, to 
 pity than harshly condemn unfortunate creatures, without know- 
 ing the CAUSE of their deviating from the paths of rectitude, and 
 rushing headlofag, as it were, into destruction. I repeat, be on 
 your guard " 
 
 " I am no Joseph, uncle !" said Sprightly , " neither do I 
 boast of more propriety of conduct than other young men ; 
 * gay women/ to my feelings, are a perfect annoyance ! There- 
 fore, I am prepared against rude or vulgar attacks that may 
 be made upon me ; or, any artful stratagem laid to attract my 
 attention/' 
 
 " I shall be glad to find it so, my boy Ha ! ha ! ha ! I have 
 often found that 'great talkers' do the least/' said Makemoney ; 
 " yet your notions are formed on the right basis." 
 
 " In any mixed company, but more especially an assemblage 
 of persons at a hop at Greenwich Fair ! Etiquette is entirely lost 
 sight of and character not an object of enquiry ! Duels are not 
 likely to take place on account of the introduction of improper 
 persons ; although a row a disfigured nose and a black eye, 
 might be the result of a visit to them, by being rather too atten- 
 tive to the partner of another man." However, Sprightly had 
 made up his mind not to be drawn aside by the glances of the 
 gay creatures ; but he did not give his word and honour that he 
 would be as cold as ice to females of another description, who 
 might be inclined to sport a toe in the all-inviting dance. 
 
 One, two, nay three, dances did not satisfy the high-spirited 
 Sprightly ; but, nevertheless, when the signal was given to de- 
 part, he kept his word, although with a sort of reluctance. 
 
 " I think I never saw so sweet a girl before in the whole course 
 of my life a perfect rose in full bloom, and smelt as sweet it 
 is true, upon my honor, uncle. I was over head and ears in love 
 in a minute, and I was rude enough to gaze on her till she was 
 out of countenance ; nay, more, I was so fascinated that I at- 
 tempted to praise her, and would have taken hold of her hand, 
 but she repulsed me ; and her suitor, I suppose, coming up to 
 ask what was the matter, she blushingly answered, Nothing !' 
 Otherwise, I might have got into another row, and likely to have 
 been punished for my insolence. However, luckily, you called 
 me at the instant, or else perhaps I might have lost sight of the 
 
 L 
 
74 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 bounds of discretion. But you know, uncle, what Filch sing's 
 in the Beggar's Opera : 
 
 ' Tis woman that seduces all mankind, 
 
 By her we first were taught the wheedling arts : 
 
 Her very eyes can cheat ; when most she is kind, 
 
 She tricks us of our money with our hearts ! ' 
 
 But, thank my stars, I have escaped. I would not come in con- 
 tact again with her eyes for a trifle ! I am afraid my resolution 
 would not be good for much ! I never saw such eyes before I 
 was positively rivetted to the spot ! I shall never forget her 
 glances they electrified my very heart, and I feel it there 
 now " 
 
 " Electrified! a fiddle-de-dee \" replied his uncle, laughing ; 
 " why you are quite in the heroics ! I am afraid, from your 
 conversation, the glass or two of wine you have drank has raised 
 your spirits above fever-proof your pulse must be high indeed. 
 Venus! Juno! Cleopatra! all eclipsed in a dancing-booth at 
 Greenwich Fair ! Psha ! You had better try the effects of a 
 glass of soda-water to restore you to a state of convalescence, 
 that we may go and keep our appointment with Flourish/' 
 
 " True/' said Jem ; " I should not like Flourish to have the 
 laugh against me, as I well recollect his admonitions at a former 
 period. * Tis weakness of mind,' said he, < and badness of taste. 
 Horrible ! horrible ! my dear Jem, don't think of it. In matters 
 of love you must be as cold as ice feeling must be always ba- 
 nished in such cases, and remain at freezing point and then he- 
 sitate before you make up your mind on matters connected with 
 love. They only are lunatics who are violently in love 'tis a 
 species of madness, make the best of it.' Therefore, I should 
 not like to encounter any of his sneers upon the subject." 
 
 It was now draw ng near the hour of appointment to meet 
 Flourish at Richardson's, and they had only a few minutes to 
 spare to keep accurately their time : in consequence of which 
 they hurried forwards to the gate to quit the Park, and were 
 soon enveloped, before they were aware of it, in a dense crowd 
 of persons, all directed towards the same object ; but they ap- 
 peared not to move an inch towards gaining the public road. 
 The screams of the women, rows, and noise, were quite annoy- 
 ing to all the ears of the persons engaged in this pushing sort 
 of contest. 
 
 " Don't push so," said, to all appearance, a very genteel young 
 man ; " it is all useless." 
 
 " Why," answered another person, " its this fat fellow here, 
 big enoug-h for three people," alluding to Makemoney ; " some 
 brewer's servant in disguise, who has borrowed his master's 
 clothes on the sly, to cut a bounce in the Park for a day ; but 
 it won't do for us such porpoises should stay at home, and not 
 annoy other people with their ponderous bulk ! " 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 75 
 
 " You are a rascally impertinent fellow," said Makemoney, 
 almost gasping for breath ; " and if I had you in my ward I 
 would commit you for your insolence." 
 
 "OLord!" said a woman, "I shall be killed ! for God's 
 sake, let me out : I shall be squeezed as flat as a pancake/* 
 
 " Squeezed ! I believe you," said an elegantly dressed young- 
 fellow ; " it is this giant of a chap that does all the mischief. 
 He is a second Daniel Lambert ! D n me, but he'd squeeze 
 St. Paul's into a nutshell he is a walking- flatting- mill. What a 
 fine assistance he'd be to Macadamise the roads he would do 
 the work of fifty men ! t will recommend him to the Com- 
 missioners." 
 
 " Aye do, my dear fellow/' observed a man in the g-arb of a 
 quaker, " recommend him to any body, so that we may g-et rid 
 of him ; if the beast remains any long-er with us we shall all be 
 reduced to a jelly I have lost several pounds weight already. 
 He has no more feeling than a horse, and rides over people as if 
 they were nothing more than stones." 
 
 " Beast !" echoed Makemoney, " is it come to this, that a 
 gentleman is to be abused in such a manner, and have no means 
 of redress ? Only let me get out of this mob, and I'll have one 
 or two of you blackguards before the magistrates to answer for 
 such infamous conduct." 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha !" resounded from one end of the crowd to the 
 other. " Will no person have the kindness to remove the ele- 
 phant ? but never mind, his keepers will soon be after him. I 
 wonder the men at the gate did not refuse such an overgrown 
 animal admittance." 
 
 Makemoney became violently incensed at these remarks be- 
 yond all endurauce : he was hemmed in on all sides ; and, just 
 as he was about making a desperate effort to shew his anger, he 
 received a tremendous blow on his hat, which drove it down 
 over his eyes, and hindered him from seeing ; and he could not 
 get up his hands to remove the obstruction. His nephew was 
 equally in as bad a situation, and covered with perspiration, from 
 the intense heat of the crowd, when he cried out, " Thieves ! 
 thieves ! Police ! " 
 
 " Here's another troublesome fellow," observed a decent old 
 man ; " but I suppose it is to answer his purpose picking 
 pockets." 
 
 " Picking pockets !" exclaimed Sprightly, in a violent rage. 
 " How dare you, scoundrel, to charge me with such a crime ! If 
 I was near you, for your villanous assertion, I would annihilate 
 you ! Do I look like a thief?" 
 
 " What do I care for your looks," answered a ruffianly sort 
 of fellow ; " but if looks are taken into account then I say, at 
 all events, that you do look more like a thief than a horse ! You 
 need not give yourself any airs ! Do you suppose any person 
 here cares a farthing for your upstart consequence ?" 
 
76 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 The whole of the crowd were covered with dust, and no 
 remedy at hand, until the officers of justice routed the phalanx ; 
 when Makemoney and his nephew r , quite exhausted, made their 
 way into the street. Upon getting" into the air, they both sat 
 down, puffing* and blowing* like broken-winded horses ; and 
 Makemoney was a few minutes before he could recover his 
 breath. 
 
 " I hope you have not lost any thing-, sir/' observed one of 
 the policemen, " as you appeared to me to have been surrounded 
 by some suspicious characters." 
 
 " Eg-ad," replied Makemoney, " I never thought of that : in 
 fact, I was more afraid of suffocation than any thing- else I 
 could not draw my breath and the insolence I received from 
 several rascals, that I never thoug-ht any thing- about my property. 
 However, I will now look after it." On feeling- his fob-pocket, 
 a cold sweat came over his face in an instant, when he replied, 
 with astonishment, " It's gone ! " 
 
 " Gone ! What's gone, uncle ?" 
 
 " My gold watch and seals ! Oh, the rascals ! Was there 
 ever such a set of deep villains in the world," said Makemoney ; 
 " 1 had no idea of it." 
 
 " You had better search, and see if your money is all right," 
 answered the officer. 
 
 " Do not frighten me to death," said Makemoney. " Indeed, 
 I am almost afraid to look into my pockets." On searching 
 them " That is gone too, purse and all. Well, I am surprised, 
 I must admit ; as it appeared to me that I was surrounded by 
 nothing else but genteel company gentlemen eager to get 
 through the gate. Thieves never entered my head. However, 
 it will be a lesson to me, and I shall know better how to act 
 another time." 
 
 "Yes," replied the officer, " some of the SWELL MOB were 
 at work, I have no doubt ; and it is by their elegant appearance 
 they are enabled the better to carry on their depredations. They 
 would deceive a conjuror they are up to so many tricks and 
 fancies." 
 
 After the agitation of the moment had subsided a little, 
 Makemoney said to his nephew, " Jem, I hope you have uot lost 
 anything ! They had not to complain of your bulk annoying 
 them. Let us hear." 
 
 " I will see, sir ; but my paying attention to you, I have not 
 thought about the matter ; but no doubt I am safe enough. 
 I should say, it was impossible to rob me ! I have been in 
 numerous crowds upon various occasions, but I never lost a far- 
 thing in the whole course of my life!" 
 
 " Don't make too sure," answered Makemoney ; " neither 
 young nor old escape the swell mob, I suppose ?" to the 
 policeman. 
 
 " Why," replied the officer, " they are not particular in that 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 77 
 
 respect all is fish that comes to net : they never let a chance 
 go by them." 
 
 On searching- his pockets, the nephew, in a violent rage, ex- 
 claimed, " By G-d, I have lost my pocket-book, notes, memo- 
 randums, &c., and all my loose cash. I thought, now I recollect 
 it, I felt a sort of tugging at my pockets ; hut I did not suspect 
 I was being- robbed/' 
 
 " There has been no tugging, sir," said the policeman ; " you 
 may perceive your coat has been cut with a sharp instrument. 
 You could not have felt it." 
 
 " Then I am not the only victim ! " answered Makemoney, 
 half inclined to smile and be jocose about his loss ; " we now 
 are poor Pilgrims, indeed ! without money, it is true, but not 
 without a home. Therefore, it might have been worse ; and 
 the best thing we can do is to put a good face upon the matter, 
 and try to forget the circumstance as soon as possible." 
 
 " You, sir, are a rich man," replied Jem, " and the loss, I 
 am aware, is a more aggravating sort of thing than the 
 actual value you have been robbed of ; but to me it is of a more 
 serious nature, being entirely dependant on your bounty. It is, 
 notwithstanding, truly mortifying to be served out in such a 
 manner, without the slightest chance of recovering the property 
 lost, because the thief or thieves are unknown to either of us. 
 
 " Never mind, Jem," said Makemoney, " you shall be none 
 the worse for it." On searching his pockets once more " Come, 
 come," said he, " the rogues have not been quite so treacherous 
 as I expected they have not taken all I had. I find I have 
 got a couple of sovereigns safe in my waistcoat ; and we shall 
 see Flourish soon, and I know he has always plenty of money 
 about him ; therefore, we cannot be at a loss to carry on the 
 Pilgrimage. So let us imitate JOB be patient under our suffer- 
 ings put up with our losses, and like stoics shew a merry 
 face that Flourish may not have the laugh against us, and meet 
 him with all the fun and good humour attached to our character, 
 as if nothing had happened." 
 
 " There is nothing like philosophy in this life, sir," answered 
 Jem, " I am convinced ; and silence also is the best friend a man 
 can have on his side, if he knows how to turn it to his advan- 
 tage : therefore, I once more urge silence, sir, when you see 
 Flourish." 
 
 " Your advice is good," replied his uncle, " and respecting 
 our loss, I shall be as close as a pill box !" 
 
/8 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 The Snwr FOLKS ! Talents outside of the Theatre ; or, 
 
 to " pull 'em in !" An original Comic Song, embellished 
 with patois, but quite in character ,- and a word or two 
 respecting the chances and {profession of an Actor. 
 Recollections of the late MUSTER RICHARDSON, entitled 
 to RECORD, according to the INTRINSIC value set upon 
 mankind by a great public writer. The miseries attached 
 to Strollers sixty years ago. The dangers of a double- 
 bedded apartment ! The serious effects from too much 
 learning the light headed PIG to wit a caution to 
 Students. A glance at the CHOICE SPIRITS of the olden 
 times Players, Poets, Painters, Authors, Sfc. 
 
 Praising what is lost 
 
 Makes the remembrance more dear ! 
 
 The late EDMUND KEAN and the Show Folks his flatter- 
 ing reception at the Court of George the Third Talent 
 will make its way. A wet scene ; or^ too much of water 
 aadst thou, OXBERRY ! The flight of Ducks ! a singular 
 adventure. How to avoid an Act of Parliament : a Play 
 Bill for Dummies ! Liberal Traits of the late Mrs. 
 JORDAN more anon. Comparisons (not odious) between 
 the illustrious JOHN KEMBLE, of classical notoriety, and 
 the matter-of-fact Showman. Hear, and decide ! A few 
 sentences by way of EPITAPH a trifling remembrance to 
 the memory of the late Muster Richardson : 
 
 Praises on tombs are trifles vainly spent. 
 
 MAKEMONEY and Sprightly now made towards the fair with all 
 the haste in their power; and after encountering- a good deal of 
 bustle and pushing against the holyday people in the streets, 
 who all appeared to be in a great hurry, they arrived amongst 
 the show folks : 
 
 Behold the Fair ! 
 
 Crowded to excess with smiling, joyous 
 Faces ! And a glorious scene of noise, 
 Bustle, and confusion, from one end 
 Of it to the other ! With ev'ry thing 
 To attract the eye, please the fancy, and 
 Amuse the mind! A complete picture of 
 A free people rude independence to 
 The echo ! Pushing and jostling along 
 With that prevailing spirit of freedom 
 Inherent in the breasts of Englishmen : 
 JACK with his JILL, and in thought of value 
 Equal to the richest man in the Fair ! 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 79 
 
 Rank entirely out of the question ! 
 Such are the feelings of Britons. Hear the 
 Rival Clowns challenging each other for 
 A battle of brains ! The loud laugh ! Huzzas 
 Of the crowd at the quaint sayings funny 
 Faces and salt-box tricks of the old 
 Mountebanks. Valk up! Valkup! The Players 
 Are here, by the King's permission, to 
 Amuse his kind, loving subjects, at this 
 Particular season of the year, and 
 No mistake ! Come, my worthy Masters and 
 Mistresses, lose no time, if you wish to 
 See and hear the unknown conjuror 
 From the other side of the world, who 
 Can make every hair of your head as 
 Thick as a broomstick, by the touch of his 
 Magic wand if you don't obey his call ! 
 Hallo ! Hallo ! Here's the lamed 
 Pig, who can tell more with his feet than all 
 The Nobs put together at the high-bred 
 Universities with their heads ! Only 
 Come and see ! Look out ! Look out ! Wonders will 
 Never cease ! There never wos such times as 
 These are ! Open your eyes, and pick your ears 
 This is the booth that contains the only 
 Man Salamander in the world, who can 
 Whop the Fire King into shivers ! He is 
 Employed by the Steam Navigation 
 For the next five hundred years because his 
 Breath is hotter than any fiery 
 Furnace! He can propel six steam vessels 
 At once, by the movement of his tongue ! 
 Come up here ! Come up here ! And see the horse 
 That can beat the celebrated TAGLIONI 
 For stepping out and give that prime piece of 
 Furniture any thing she asks. All the 
 Zoologicals are mad to get him : But 
 They won't ! ' Go-it-along ' isn't to be had ! 
 Here, my little boys and girls, come and take 
 A peep, and see what you can see ! You can't 
 Lay out a halfpenny better to improve 
 Your mind, and become acquainted with rich 
 Historical facts against you ' come out' 
 In life ! Look and behold, on the left side 
 Of the picture, the weeping willow which 
 O'erhangs the tomb of the great Napoleon 
 At St. Helena ! and then torn your eyes 
 To the right, and view the splendid 
 Monument in St. George's Chapel, Windsor, 
 Erected to the late Princess Charlotte, 
 Shewing you " to this complexion you 
 Must come at last !" Never mind such epitaphs- 
 Have a swing ? Exercise is the thing for 
 Health so, lose no time, but up you go ! What 
 A pity it is, this Carnival lasts 
 Only for three days ! A severe blow to 
 The FUNNIMENTS of LONDON so full of 
 Whim, frolic, uproar, noise, row, mirth, and good 
 Humour ! Well calculated to disperse 
 The ' Blue Devils,' and please mankind at the 
 End of which it becomes like the baseless 
 
80 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 Fabric of a vision touch and go 
 Until Time flies to give another Fair 
 A local habitation ! 
 
 They had scarcely ascended the platform at Richardson's 
 Theatre, when Flourish appeared close at their heels. " Well, 
 my boy," said Makemoney, " 1 am glad to see you again, and 
 may now assert, that we PILGRIMS are once more complete. I 
 hope, Flourish, yon have had a pleasant afternoon of it the 
 company of the ladies truly felicitous and that you have also 
 parted with them pleasant and happy ? Protestations of love ! 
 friendship without interest ; and all that sort of thing-, which 
 hang's upon the lips of a man of fashion and gallantry, when 
 bidding adieu, or taking- farewell of ladies." 
 
 " Why, sir, that is not exactly the real state of the case," 
 said Flourish, " I hope I shall never lose sight of true gallantry, 
 or that kind of attention and politeness, which are at all times 
 due to ladies. But you are quite aware that I should not have 
 left your excellent company, and also that of your nephew, but 
 I have the poet's excuse for it : 
 
 When a lady's in the case, 
 
 All other things must give place ! 
 
 Therefore, on the score of politeness, I strolled about the park 
 with them for an hour or more ; when I took a most respectful 
 leave of the Duchess and her two daughters ; but with no re- 
 newal of another meeting no protestations of love nor any 
 thing else, that could induce them to suppose, that I was anxi- 
 ous to meet again ! No, no I am not to be caught with 
 shadows fine clothes and outside show are " trifles light as 
 air" with me, although, I must admit, their society was delight- 
 ful ; and upon all the different topics of the day, they were truly 
 eloquent literature, music, the fine arts, fashion, &c. But 
 Frank Flourish, however the term may be reproachful is a 
 more calculating sort of fellow ! ' He looks before he leaps !' " 
 
 - " Bravo, Frank/' observed Jem, " bad taste on your part was 
 impossible ! and weakness of mind entirely out of the question ! 
 Cold as ice ! Freezing point ! Love is madness ! Lunatics 
 only are in love ! Ha ! ha ! I know, (winking his eye to his 
 uncle,) you was the lad not to be had. Frank Flourish is too 
 well read in the ways of the world, to be picked up as a flat !" 
 
 " Enough of this," replied Flourish, half nettled at the echo 
 of his former advice. " Let us know how you have passed 
 your time in my absence. I have no doubt but it was very 
 methodical ?" 
 
 " Methodical, indeed! and let me tell you, Frank, there was 
 nothing like method about it !" said Jem. " On the contrary, 
 it was all gaiety, and the spur of the moment. l Kissing in the 
 Ring' was one of the delightful movements on the turf ; but 
 nevertheless, I could not persuade my uncle to enter into the 
 pleasures of the game. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 81 
 
 <l Then dancing, with the merriest group of young- men and 
 women I ever witnessed no master of the ceremonies to con- 
 trol one's choice, and etiquette not known. A glass or two of 
 wine, to exhilarate our spirits, laughing at all sorts of merri- 
 ment which crossed our path I own we were not dull a minute 
 all jollity and happiness, while my uncle took his grog, and 
 cogitated pleasantly over his pipe. 
 
 " But I should have liked to have had your opinion of one of 
 the loveliest females I ever saw in the course of my travels 
 that is to say, to my fancy ! A perfect divinity ! an angel ! 
 in truth, she was of so superior a caste, that I want words to 
 describe her attractive appearance ; and I do insist, the Haidee 
 of Lord Byron did not surpass her in beauty ; but I have lost 
 sight of her for ever : 
 
 Round her she made an atmosphere of life, 
 
 The very air seem'd lighter from her eyes, 
 They were so soft and beautiful, and rife 
 
 With all we can imagine of the skies, 
 And pure as Psyche ere she grew a wife, 
 
 Too pure even for the purest human lies; 
 Her overpowering presence made you feel, 
 It would not be IDOLATRY to KNEEL ! " 
 
 " Stop, stop, my dear Jem, you must have been drinking 
 this is too inflated, for any thing like a rational being who walks 
 abroad with his eyes wide open," observed Flourish ; " there is 
 no time to be lost I must prescribe for you therefore, bleeding 
 without delay, is the first step that must be taken salts, ice 
 cream, cold baths, nay, every thing that is cold, must be ad- 
 ministered you are in a high fever you will become danger- 
 ous, and must have a keeper, or else a strait-waistcoat, if 
 something is not done to turn the course of your thoughts. 
 
 " I am positively alarmed for your safety! Your brains must 
 be in an uproar, and if a change does not take place, every hair 
 on your head must come off! You, Jem Sprightly, the once 
 decent, well-behaved, solid, discreet, envied, and to be copied 
 young man ! Impossible ! you are bewitched !" 
 
 " Hold, hold, I say, hold, Flourish !" urged Makemoney, '*. or 
 else I shall think that you have been making too free with the 
 bottle, if I may judge from your discourse ; therefore, let us lose 
 no more time on such nonsense downright stuff ! But listen to 
 what 1 have got to propose to you both ^ the last ten minutes 
 has been positively trifled away so let us display something- 
 like common sense/' 
 
 " Excuse me, sir," answered Frank, <e I scorn to give you the 
 slightest offence ; but, I believe, you never had time to become 
 acquainted with the ' tender passion !' and that accounts for 
 your remarks upon it ; but, nevertheless, I am always ready to 
 acquiesce in any thing you may propose as I feel rather anxious 
 to finish the day in a style worthy of jolly PILGRIMS \" 
 
 This conversation was interrupted by a man, dressed for the 
 
 M 
 
8'2 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 purpose, on the platform of Richardson's Show, haranguing- the 
 mob outside, and throwing- bills among-st them : " Look this 
 way look here and behold the classical ground of the Fair 
 and leave the shows of the wild beasts for the enjoyment of the 
 Chaw-bacons ! the Yokels ! the Clod-hoppers ! the Johnny 
 Raws ! and the Know-nothing-s ! 'Tis here we have a splendid 
 treat for the men of sense we are patronised by the House of 
 Peers, for our eleg-ance of appearance and style ; and supported 
 by the Members of Parliament, for our good diction and elocu- 
 tion ! Only ask them ! when they will report progress, and tell 
 you, by their Speaker, that half an hour spent under our roof is 
 worth more than six months' ease, lolling- on a sofa, and de- 
 voured by ennui ! We are not the growth of a day ! I beg- you 
 will take into your consideration, in the first instance, we 
 are the descendants of the great Roscius, almost as long- ag-o 
 when Adam was a little boy : in addition to which, let me re- 
 fresh your memories, that we are likewise related to the great 
 Shakspeare, who lived in the reig-n of Queen Elizabeth, and who 
 was hand and g-love with our immortal bard : also with 
 the Congreves the Otways the Cibbers Ben Jonson Beau- 
 mont and Fletcher down to more modern times ; when the 
 illustrious Brinsley Sheridan flourished with his brilliant pen, for 
 the amusement of society succeeded by the inimitable Sheridan 
 Knowles, of the present day. We rise with the lark, and 
 every minute of our time is devoted to study, in order to please 
 and gratify the public. Then, I say, Walk-up, walk up, 
 walk-up, ladies and g-entlemen ! The players the players are 
 here, and no mistake ; we are not mountebanks ! No, nor fellows 
 with cups and balls, to cheat your eyes and pick your pockets. 
 Ours is the leg-itimate drama ! trag-edy, comedy, opera, melo- 
 drame, farce, song-, dance, &c. 
 
 " It is our forte to interest the mind please the fancy raise 
 the spirits and drive ' DULL CARE ' to his hiding- place : there- 
 fore, we can enact ' Othello,' for those persons who prefer Tra- 
 g-edy ; and ' John Bull/ for the Comedy folks ; ' Love in a 
 Village/ for the Opera customers ; the ' Tower of Nesle,' for 
 excitement and melo-dramatic minds ; < Hig-h Life below Stairs,' 
 for the lovers of Farce ; the ' Twopenny Postman/ for the ad- 
 mirers of comic sing-ing- ; Pantomime, for the young- folks the 
 juvenile part of the audience, who like to witness the capers 
 and ag-ility of Harlequin, the graceful attitudes of Columbine, 
 and the fun and humour produced by the grimaces of the Pan- 
 taloon and Clown ; and for the TAGLIONI'S the followers of 
 Terpsichore we can give them sixteen, and then dance all the 
 breath out of their bodies afterwards ! 
 
 " I should like to know what we can't do ! * Why, we can 
 draw/ as Shakspeare says, ' spirits from the vasty deep ! ' I 
 call your attention only to look at the company view them as 
 they pass up and down the parade ; and, independant of their 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 83 
 
 manly forms and exquisite shapes, you will perceive talent 
 strongly developed in all their countenances persons of im- 
 mense abilities men of superior mind and females of intellect 
 and character none of your slip-slop sort of the sex, who can 
 only make tea and coffee ,- but females that might challenge the 
 collection of beauties at Windsor Castle not for that distin- 
 guished trait alone : no I say no as we are all aware that 
 beauty is but skin-deep ! 
 
 " But do not take my word. Come in to the Theatre, and see 
 them perform, and then you will be able to judge for yourselves. 
 Our manager is an old stager in the service of the public, and 
 he has got at his fingers' ends a due knowledge of taste, so as 
 to be able to please all palates. We can either extort the sym- 
 pathetic tear, or produce roars of laughter ; and, as a test of the 
 excellence of the company, the applause which has been be- 
 stowed upon their exertions has repeatedly shook the walls of 
 the Theatre ; but we don't mind trifles we live upon applause 
 it is our delight and support nay, more, it is meat, drink, 
 washing, and lodging, to us, who are patronized by the public. 
 
 " I state thus much only to point out to you, ladies and gen- 
 tlemen, what ' great creatures ' belong to our stage ! and bear 
 in mind our liberality, that we charge you nothing for looking 
 at them as they pass in review, on the good old principle, of 
 ' taste before you buy ! ' 
 
 " Drury Lane Theatre, I admit, is a much larger place of 
 amusement, but we are multum in parvo ; that is to say, my 
 worthy masters and mistresses, who do not understand University 
 learning, means, ' much in little.' Here you can see and hear 
 without the aid of magnifying glasses : ours is the true school 
 for performers deny it who dare. The greatest actor on the 
 English stage was brought out by Muster Richardson think of 
 that, ladies and gentlemen and also remember there is only 
 ONE Muster Richardson in the dramatic line ; therefore, what is 
 due to Muster Richardson, render unto Muster Richardson. 
 
 " Our wardrobe is superior, in point of real value, to any of 
 the Theatres ; and our scenery will bear the strictest scrutiny for 
 excellence ; the greatest painters of the day having been engaged 
 to give it beauty and effect. And if the specimen which I have 
 given to you, in rearing one of the greatest actors on the stage, 
 is not enough to convince you of our superiority of talent, I will 
 open all the doors and let you in gratis which means, nothing ! 
 
 " Then do not lose your valuable time ; let me impress upon 
 you riot to be too late, if you wish to procure good seats, and to 
 have your minds enlightened. So I repeat ' Walk up ! walk 
 up, ladies and gentlemen: the players the players are here! 
 Allow me, sir (to Makemoney) the honor of presenting you 
 with a bill of the performances, in which you will find chapter 
 and verse for all that I have asserted besides the prices of ad- 
 mission, the names and characters of the performers, &c. &c. ; 
 and 1 flatter myself we shall have your generous patronage : 
 
84 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 A CHANGE OF PERFORMANCE EACH DAY. 
 
 RICHARDS olT^ THEATRE, 
 
 This day will be presented a New Grand Melo-Drama, with 
 New Scenery, Dresses, Properties, &c., entitled The 
 
 MURDERER'S BRIDE; 
 
 OR, THE HOUR OF TRIAL. 
 
 Appius Claudius (a Decemvir) Mr. COOPER. 
 Lucius Julious (Nephew of Appius, in love with Virg-inia), 
 
 Mr. SMITH. 
 Siccius Dentatus (Father of Virginia), Mr. GROVE. 
 
 Publius (a Roman Officer), Mr. LEWIS. 
 
 Officers, Guards, Banner Bearers, &c. &c. 
 
 Virg-inia - (Betrothed to Julious) Mrs. SMITH. 
 
 Spectre of the Murdered Lucretia, Miss WALTON. 
 
 In the course of the Piece, 
 
 A Variety of Splendid Scenery by the First Artists. 
 
 The Piece concludes with the 
 
 DISCOVERY OF THE REAL ASSASSIN, AND THE 
 DEATH OF APPIUS CLAUDIUS. 
 
 The Entertainments to conclude with a new Comic Harlequinade, 
 with new Scenery, Tricks, Dresses, and Decorations, called 
 
 HARLEQUIN FAUSTUS ! 
 
 OR, THE DEVIL WILL HAVE HIS OWN. 
 
 Luciferno, Mr. THOMAS. 
 Daemon Amonzor, afterwards Pantaloon, Mr. WILKINSON. 
 
 Daemon Ziokos, after Clown, Mr. HAYWARD. 
 Violoncello Player, Mr. Hartem. Baker, Mr. Thompson. 
 
 Landlord, Mr. Wilkins. Fisherman, Mr. Rae. 
 Doctor Fanstus - (afterwards Harlequin) - Mr. S ALTER. 
 
 Adelada (afterwards Columbine), Miss WILMOT. 
 
 Attendant Daemons, Sprites, Fairies, Ballad Singers, Flower 
 
 Girls, &c. &c. &c. 
 
 The Pantomime will finish with 
 
 A SPLENDID PANORAMA, 
 
 Painted by the first Artists. 
 Boxes, %s. Pit, Is. Gallery, 6cl. [Romney, Printer, Lambeth 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 85 
 
 " Who can refuse to witness the performance of the above 
 veteran's company of comedians," said Makemoney, " after such 
 an eloquent appeal to the lovers of theatrical amusement ? so 
 let us go in and take our seats." 
 
 " Do you think there is any truth in what that fellow has as- 
 serted about a late distinguished actor ? " observed Flourish ; 
 " or is it what they term gag, done with the intent to humbug 
 the people at the Fair. He has certainly got the gift of speech. 
 I do not think any of T. P. Cooke's ' yarns,' as they are called, 
 were ever better spun out. I never heard a fellow lay it on so 
 thick he would almost make you believe the moon was made 
 of green cheese ; yet he seemed to please the crowd, who not 
 only laughed heartily at his remarks, but loudly applauded his 
 exertion." 
 
 " Although the speech seems to be spontaneous, and a sort of 
 extempore oration," replied Makemoney, " yet he is well studied 
 in it ; and he repeats it perhaps fifty times a day without deviating 
 a single word. It is a complete piece of mechanism ; but then 
 the great art of delivering it is, to give it the appearance of 
 reality emanating from the ebullition of the moment. The man 
 was certainly correct about that great actor once being a mem- 
 ber of Richardson's Company. Although such speeches are 
 generally full of romance, yet they are not destitute of humour 
 and talent, and I never thought my time lost in listening to 
 them." 
 
 " Well, then," said Sprghtly, " let us go in and have a taste of 
 their quality ; we can easily leave the Theatre if we disapprove 
 of the performances. Besides, I am very partial to a comic 
 song." 
 
 Makemoney, Flourish, and Jem, were liberal with their ap- 
 plause, and were highly delighted with the following comic 
 chant, called " The Strolling Ballad-Singer turned Manager/' 
 
 My history should you like to know, 
 I'll tell it off like criss-cross row 
 A chanter once ! it was my fate, 
 But now I'm like a man of state, 
 For I've got a snug theatre ! 
 Of various booths I'm now Lessee, 
 The blunt is down I've paid the fee 
 Oh ! I tipt it to them all in screens, 
 Or else I couldn't get the scenes, 
 O to make a pretty feature : 
 So now, Mr. Chant, 
 Is become quite gallant 
 And known as a " Great Creature," &c. 
 
 [SPOKEN.] Enter Mr. Multum-in-parvo ! so he is called by my first author . 
 meaning, to do every thing in no time at all. I believe it is from the Greek but 
 we will not stand upon trifles ! He has got COMEDY on one side of his face, and 
 TRAGEDY on the other ; and MELLOW-DRAM in his stomach ! His stomach is 
 prodigious! You are fond of a dram, an't you Multum ? [MuLTUM. Yes, most 
 noble Don, it gives spirits to my /tacting!] He has got Uproar in his belly ; no, 
 no, Comic Opera, I mean, and Pantomime in his legs. He is engaged to laugh, or 
 
86 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 cry according to my orders. He can laugh for a fortnight, without being out of 
 breath ! and cry for a month without shedding a tear. The whole mob of 
 ROSCIUSSES put together male and female, are not a patch against my Multum. 
 The great theatres have offered more cash for him than would fill the Bank of 
 England to get him from me ; but Multum is engaged to me during his whole 
 natural life, and a day after it ; but all their tricks won't do at any price he is 
 above Price and he shan't go at NO PRICE! When the weather is dull, and cus- 
 tomers wanting at my theatre, why, I make him laugh the whole of the day, and 
 when the sun shines, then he cries by way of contrast, to shew the spectators his 
 talents; which makes the people outside Ifiugh, and makes me laugh because we 
 pull them in. 
 
 So now you see, Mr. Chant, 
 Is become quite gallant, 
 And known as " a Great Creature !*' 
 
 Yes, Authors now pay me great court, 
 The newspapers do me report ! 
 Such lots of actors a precious bore, 
 And musicians by the score ! 
 Bow-ing at my theatre ! 
 With Harlequins and Pantaloons, 
 And mobs of girls " come, buy my brooms I" 
 Tight rope dancers and all " The Graces !" 
 The public jostling for good places ! 
 O 'tis such a pretty feature ! 
 
 So now you see, &c. 
 
 [Spoken]. Good Places ! To be sure I can ! No Prime Minister in the world 
 has got so many Places as I have to bestow upon you. Only come in I will 
 give you all good places, and change them every half hour, if you like it so best. 
 I'll do every thing to make ihevnsit pleasant! Besides, you will have the advan- 
 tage of listening to the unheard of capabilities of Mr. Multum. He canparley woo 
 to the people at Calais, while he holds a conversation with the country folks at 
 Dover ! His lungs are superior to an India Rubber Manufactory for stretching ; he 
 has offered to bet a week's salary that he gives orders to any of his Majesty's 
 ships in the most distant part of the globe, at the same moment he is taking his 
 instructions from the Lords of the Admiralty. His terms are now under the consi- 
 deration of the Board of Red Cloth. He can talk all the Barristers to a stand 
 stilly or else he would be of no use. 
 
 Sj now you see, Mr. Chant, 
 Is become quite gallant, 
 And kuown as " a Great Creature!" 
 
 " Could you have killed time in a better or more pleasing- 
 manner for half an hour," said Makemoney, after leaving the 
 Theatre. " I know there are many persons who treat with the 
 most sovereign contempt such performances : however, I am not 
 one of that number. Richardson, as a showman, has been before 
 the public for forty years, and with great success." 
 
 " Killed time, my dear sir," replied his nephew ; " I think you 
 are in error, when you call it killing time ! I did not expect to 
 see a KEAN or a MACREADY ; but, nevertheless, abating a 
 little too much rant, I was not so blind to merit but I could 
 perceive talents, abilities, and an anxiety to please ; and if we 
 may judge as a criterion from the applause which were bestowed 
 on their exertions, I should say the audience were gratified. 1 
 hate any thing in the shape of hyper-criticism." 
 
 " Indeed, fastidious as I am termed, and generally considered 
 to find too much fault with every thing," answered Flourish, " 1 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 87 
 
 must confess, the scenery, &c., and viewed as a whole perform- 
 ance, was far better than I could have anticipated ; and, in 
 truth, I had not the slightest idea that the thing- was half so 
 complete as it is. But it must be extremely fatiguing for the 
 actors to perform so many times a day thirteen or fourteen, at 
 the least, I have been told I cannot think how they stand it." 
 
 " I am glad to find that you have still a spark of liberality 
 left in your composition. The life of a travelling- showman," said 
 Makemoney, " must have been full of adventures, and I feel as- 
 sured, if it could be related, would afford a fund of amusement." 
 
 Since the above circumstances occurred, Muster Richardson 
 has ceased to exist ; and the author trusts that the anecdotes, 
 incidents, &c., connected with the career of the above eccentric 
 showman, will not be viewed in the shape of a digression ; but, 
 on the contrary, quite connected with the object of the PILGRIMS 
 of the THAMES in SEARCH of the NATIONAL ! 
 
 Scarcely had the celebrated GEORGE COLMAN, whose " Broad 
 Grins" so often set the table in a roar, been summoned to 
 " that bourne from whence no traveller returns ; " and the in- 
 imitable JACK BANNISTER, who, for upwards of half a century, 
 had sent thousands of his Majesty's loving subjects laughing 
 heartily to their beds, made his final exit from the stage of 
 life when Muster John Richardson also received a notice to 
 quit thus followed in rapid succession three men, in the 
 short space of a few days, who had done the Theatrical World 
 " some service, and they know it." 
 
 Death ! great proprietor of all ! 'tis thine 
 To tread out empire, and to quench the stars : 
 The sun himself by thy permission shines; 
 And one day thou shall pluck him from his sphere. 
 
 Mr. D' Israeli, a celebrated writer, and a great observer of 
 the lives and actions of men, thus sets his value upon mankind : 
 " We have before us," said he, " a list of nearly three hundred 
 persons who had attained a great age, in no instance less than 
 one hundred, men and women in all parts of the united king- 
 dom, during the term of years beginning with 1807 and ending 
 in 1823, both included, and we cannot discover throughout the 
 whole catalogue a SINGLE NAME that h#d linked itself with 
 an expression or a DEED worthy to be remembered for an 
 HOUR ! ! ! " 
 
 Such a reflection as the above cannot be levelled against the 
 character of the late Muster Richardson, whose whole life was 
 quite a history of " Sayings and Doings " to the end of the chap- 
 ter ; in truth, his life was full of bustle, incident, and situation ; 
 and when public amusements were the theme of discourse, 
 scarcely a little boy or girl in the Metropolis, or elsewhere, but 
 remembered the name of RICHARDSON, the Showman ! with 
 pleasure ; and perhaps, now, with regret ! 
 
 During the late Deptford Fair (Monday, May 30, 1836), the 
 
88 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 writer of this article called on Muster Richardson, his usual 
 custom, if he happened to be in the vicinity of any of the Fairs, 
 to see if any thing- like Novelty occurred : when the showman 
 complained severely about the reduction of prices ; and he ob- 
 served, with a sneer, that when a Patent Theatre admitted per- 
 sons at a tizzy per head, the poor mummer could not be found 
 fault with for opening- his doors to the public for browns. Ri- 
 chardson had never before taken less than sixpence each during- 
 his career. " But nevertheless, Muster ," said he, " so help me 
 
 , it is too bad ; my expences are just the same ; and, do 
 
 what I will, I cannot keep pace with my opponents. Only look 
 at Lee's company of performers and they are clever folks too 
 within one or two booths of mine, who amuse their visitors for 
 one penny ' a nob ,- ' and who are carrying- all before them. 
 Theatricals are g-oing- fast to the dogs ; and it is high time I 
 should have done with them." 
 
 Amidst other conversation with myself and Mr. Johnston, his 
 money-taker, he said, (l I think, Muster Pierce Egan, I have 
 lived long- enough to tell the world how I have bustled my way 
 throug-h it; you have known me for many years are up to 
 a thing- or two with your pen and, with my assistance, you 
 could inform the public summut about my Travels, Life, and 
 History, that might amuse them (little anticipating* at that period 
 he was so near his end) I wish to appear grateful for the pa- 
 tronage I have received ; and, although I am nothing more than 
 a humble showman, I have been respected and well treated by 
 all classes of society, in every part of the kingdom ; and 
 wherever I have pitched my tent once, I have been repeatedly 
 sent for to come ag-ain." 
 
 " Your request shall be complied with," I replied ; " and, 
 as far as an allowance can be made for the infirmities of human 
 nature, it shall be written after the sterling- adage of Shakspeare 
 ' nothing to extenuate, or set down aug-ht in malice ! ' ' 
 
 He then briefly related several anecdotes (whilst he was hand- 
 ling the coppers for admission) at which he laughed very heartily, 
 and said, " When you have a leisure hour or two, call on me at 
 Woodland Cottag-e, and I will tell you every movement of my 
 life." We then parted. In about four months afterwards the 
 call was made at Woodland Cottage, according- to agreement, 
 when Muster Richardson opened his Budget, and related the 
 principal features of his career. But, on the writer calling- ag-ain 
 on Muster Richardson, merely to inform him that he had com- 
 mitted all the anecdotes to paper, on the door being opened, he 
 was informed that Muster Richardson had departed this life at 
 seven o'clock that morning : but, through the kindness of Mr. 
 Johnston, every particular has been obtained which occurred 
 since, and the writer of the RECOLLECTIONS of the late MUSTER 
 RICHARDSON has the satisfaction to be enabled to pledg-e him- 
 self for their AUTHENTICITY ! 
 
THE LATE MUSTER RICHARDSON, 
 
 THE ECCENTRIC SHOWMAN. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 91 
 
 To use his own words, which were a " round unvarnished 
 tale," his first recollection of himself was that of a poor little 
 urchin, the very climax of poverty, in the workhouse of Great 
 Marlow, in Buckinghamshire, the place of his birth. After 
 filling- several menial situations in the above town, he started 
 for the metropolis, in order to better his fortune, and gained em- 
 ployment, where he remained for some time, in the cow-house of 
 Mr. Rhodes, at Islington, at one shilling per day. Soon after 
 which period he had acquired some taste for theatricals ; and in 
 the year 1782 he first engaged in the theatrical line ; or, to use 
 the cant of the stage, " smelt the lamp/' and joined Mrs. Penley, 
 who was then performing in a club-room, at the Paviour's Arms, 
 in Shadwell, near Wapping. The pieces were Chrononhoton- 
 thologos and Midas (the taste of the town at that time), and 
 required several actors ; but Mrs. Penley contrived to get it up 
 with two men and two women. The receipts generally were 
 from four to five shillings per night. Starvation was almost 
 the order of the day ; and, after going from town to town in 
 the country with little better success, he left the stage for a 
 short period, and commenced, in a small way, as a broker in 
 London. His shop turned out lucky, and by industry he accu- 
 mulated money enough to take the Harlequin in 1 796, near the 
 stage-door of Drury Lane Theatre. The Harlequin was fre- 
 quented by theatrical people old Mr. Greenwood, the scene- 
 painter, Mr. Banks, old Mr. Russell, the facetious Tony Le 
 Brun, &c. but getting tired of keeping a public-house, he left 
 the Harlequin, and made up his mind to attend the fairs. He 
 engaged a company to go with him ; and young Tom Greenwood 
 and Mr. Banks painted his first set of scenes. 
 
 In the above year, Muster Richardson first made his appear- 
 ance in the character of a showman at Bartholomew Fair, where 
 he had to coiiterid with the old favourites of the public. Old 
 Jobson, the great puppet-showman, in one yard ; Jonas and 
 Penley (the families of which have both distinguished themselves 
 in the history of the stage), in the George-yard ; the celebrated 
 Mrs. Baker, at the Greyhound, in a room up one pair of stairs ; 
 O'Brien, the Irish giant, at the King's Head ; Sieur Rea, the 
 great conjuror ; and also in a one pair of stairs, Richardson and 
 his company exhibited : his platform was built out of the one 
 pair of stairs window, forming an arch over the ginger-bread 
 stalls, with a long pair of steps leading down into the fair. 
 Twenty-one times in the day were the performers called upon to 
 act. Richardson's band was selected out of the streets, which 
 consisted of three blind Scotchmen, but noted as clarionet play- 
 ers. The pieces were not very good, and each audience did not 
 fail to abuse the actors as they left the house. Poor old Mrs. 
 Monk generally got upon the stairs to cool herself; and, as the 
 spectators had to pass her on going out, she was generally sa- 
 luted with many "damns!" and " You old b , you have 
 
 N 
 
92 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 taken us in ! " Mrs. Monk was a good-natured creature, and her 
 only reply was, " What can you expect at a fair?" Upon the 
 whole, the performances passed off tolerably quiet. 
 
 Bartholomew Fair then was more distinguished for slack-wire 
 performances, tight-rope, tumblers, dancing-dogs, Punch and 
 Judy, &c., and meagre in the extreme, compared with the pre- 
 sent day. 
 
 Muster Richardson now made the regular tour to most of the 
 large fairs in the kingdom at Edmonton he appeared with Tom 
 Jetteries, a clown from Astley's, who, in his line, had no com- 
 petitor ; and was allowed by the best judges of fools to be 
 without a rival. He had a lingo of his own, and his tricks and 
 conversation were so irresistibly comic, that he had the character 
 of " pulling them in" better than any other character. 
 
 Shortly after the above period, Mrs. Carey, and her two sons, 
 Edmund and Henry, were engaged by Richardson. Edmund 
 (since the celebrated Kean) made his first appearance in Tom 
 Thumb, and his mother acted the Queen Dollalolla. At Wind- 
 sor Fair Edmund again performed Tom Thumb ; when, to the 
 great astonishment of Muster Richardson, he received a note 
 from the Castle, commanding Master Carey to recite several 
 passages from different plays before his Majesty, King George 
 the Third, at the Palace. Richardson was highly gratified at the 
 receipt of the above note, but he was equally perplexed how to 
 comply with the commands of the King. Th0 letter came late 
 on Saturday night ; and, as the wardrobe of Master Carey Xvas 
 rather scanty, it was necessary to add to it before he could ap- 
 pear in the presence of royalty. .The purse of Richardson was 
 nearly empty ; and, to increase his dilemma, all the shops be- 
 longing to the Jews were shut, and the only chance left was 
 their being open on the Sunday morning. Among the Jews, 
 Muster Richardson purchased a smart little jacket and trousers, 
 and body linen, and the Manag-er tied the collar of his shirt 
 through the button-holes with a piece of black ribbon ; and, 
 when dressed in his new apparel, Master Carey appeared a smart 
 little fellow. 
 
 The King was much pleased with the performance of Ed- 
 mund, and so were his nobles. Two hours were occupied in his 
 recitations ; and he was pronounced an astonishing boy, and a 
 lad of great promise ; but the present he received for his per- 
 formance was rather small, being only two guineas ; though, 
 upon the whole, it turned out fortunate for the family. The 
 principal conversation in Windsor for a few days at that time 
 was about the talents displayed by Master Carey before the 
 King ; his mother, therefore, took advantage of this circum- 
 stance, and immediately engaged the market hall for three 
 nights for recitations for Edmund. This was an excellent spe- 
 culation ; the Hall overflowed with company every night. 
 Mrs. Carey joined Richardson on the following Monday at Ewe 11 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 93 
 
 Fair ; and all the family, owing- to their great success, came so 
 nicely dressed, that the Manager scarcely knew them. Mrs. 
 Carey and her children did not quit his standard during- the 
 summer. 
 
 " In addition to my company," says Richardson, " the next 
 year Mr. Saville Faucit, now Manag-er of the Margate Theatre, 
 and Mr. Grosette, joined us at Stepney Fair. The latter was a lazy, 
 dirty fellow ; and I was compelled to discharg-e him on account 
 of the want of clean linen. But he played me a trick for it. In the w 
 course of the same week, Grosette came and told me he had got** 
 a chang-e of dress, and expressed a wish that I should re-engage" 
 him. I did so, in consequence of his appearance being- improved, 
 and his linen quite clean ; but in a few days I found out that 
 Mr. Grosette had made free with my little wardrobe, and dressed 
 himself in one of my shirts, stockings, and neckerchief. He re- 
 mained with me two or three seasons ; utter which he distin- 
 guished himself as a performer of considerable merit both in the 
 Norwich and Bath companies. 
 
 " We left Stepney for Cambridge, and opened our booth at 
 Stourbridge fair ; at which place I lost all my money, and ex- 
 perienced great distress. Owing to my refusal to pay taxes 
 upon the ground, I was taken into custody', and should have 
 been committed with my company, had it not have been for the 
 interference of old Mr. Brunton. This veteran of the stage had 
 also a company at Stourbridge fair at the same time. I found 
 out that the magistrates could not commit me, without also 
 sending to prison Mr. Brunton and his actors. The University 
 law is not to suffer any theatre to be opened within a specified 
 number of miles of Cambridge ; therefore, the University was 
 liable to lose a part of their privileges by suffering us 
 to perform. Our audiences were so trifling in number, 
 that I was completely ruined ; and old Mr. Brunton, witnessing 
 our distress, generously made me a present of five guineas ; 
 which feeling disposition I shall always remember with the 
 highest sense of gratitude. At this unfortunate fair to me, 
 all my horses, excepting three, were drowned by the flood ; and 
 having no more money than Mr. Brunton's present of five gui- 
 neas, it was soon exhausted among so -many persons. How to 
 get to London was the question. At last, I made up my mind 
 to leave two of my waggons in pledge at a public-house yard, 
 and with my three horses proceed with my company to town in 
 the caravan. But to raise the money for the purpose was the 
 difficulty. The landlord of the public-house entertained so bad 
 an opinion of players, that instead of advancing a shilling upon 
 the waggons left in his possession, he demanded a certain sum to 
 be paid per week, for their standing in his yard. I therefore 
 agreed with my clown, Tom Jefferies, who could sing a good 
 low-comedy song, Mr. Brown, a musician, and myself, to busk 
 
94 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 our way up to London. Jefferies was to sing-, and Brown and 
 myself to go round with the hat. The plan being* settled, we 
 started off without any money in our pockets ; but previous to 
 which we bundled the rest of the company, consisting- of women 
 and children, into the caravan. We minstrels g-enerally kept 
 two miles before the caravan, and laid sieg-e to every public- 
 house upon the road. Our success was much better than we 
 expected. Tom Jefferies hit upon a song-, called ' Tidi didi tol 
 lol lol. kiss and ti-ti-lara,' which had a great run at Astley's 
 riding--school. To add to the effect of the above song-, Jefferies 
 squinted, which caused much fun and laughter among-st the 
 country folks, and I was not behind hand with my hat in collect- 
 ing subscriptions. As fast as we got the money we purchased 
 tea, sugar, and other necessaries, and supplied the persons in the 
 caravan ; we lived together very well, but we reserved suffi- 
 cient cash to buy corn for the horses, &c. On my arrival in 
 London, I found a friend, who advanced me a sufficient sum of 
 money to redeem my waggons left with the publican ; but, 
 nevertheless, I was still unfortunate. The man that I sent for 
 the waggons, turned out a rascal : he decamped with my cash, 
 taking the horses and harness with him, and from that period to 
 the present hour, I have never heard any thing concerning his 
 flight. I applied again to my friend for assistance he really . 
 was a friend in need, and advanced me money enough to get my 
 wag'gons once more into my own possession. 
 
 " After a short period I again got my company together, and 
 with hired horses, I went to Waltham Abbey. I took a small 
 theatre in that town, the rent of which I paid fifteen shillings 
 per week. It was all the money too much. My company I 
 considered very strong, consisting of Mr. Vaughan, Mr.Thwaites, 
 Master Edmund, his mother, and the whole of the family, Mr. 
 Saville Faucit, Mr. Grosette, Mr. and Mrs. Jefferies, Mr. Reed, 
 Mrs. Wells, and several other performers, who have since been 
 engaged at several of the principal theatres in the kingdom. 
 Notwithstanding we acted the most popular pieces, the night 
 produced only nine shillings and sixpence. Starvation stared 
 us in the face, and our situation was so truly pitiable, that the 
 magistrates of the town, out of compassion to our misfortunes, 
 4 bespoke a night !' The feeling conduct of the justices of the 
 peace, put us all in high spirits ; and every bench and every 
 corner was measured to ascertain what the house would hold, 
 which, upon a fair calculation, we found would produce seven 
 pounds. Under the expectation of receiving this seven pounds, 
 every chandler's, butcher's, and baker's shop was tried, with a 
 promise of payment on Monday night. A rehearsal was called 
 on Sunday morning ; but those actors who were so fortunate as 
 to have obtained a dinner upon credit, forgot their parts, in the 
 anticipation of realizing a hearty meal, an unusual thing in the 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 95 
 
 company. Mr. Vaughan, who played my first line of business, 
 was obliged to go to London on some pressing- occasion, started 
 at five o'clock on the Sunday morning-, with a solemn promise to 
 be back in time for the rehearsal the next day ; but he had scarcely 
 departed, when the landlord of the public-house where he lodg-ed, 
 came during- the rehearsal and enquired for him. He was told 
 that Vaug-han had g-one to London. ' Yes/ replied he, ' and he 
 has stolen twelve pair of my ducks/ Thinking- of the magis- 
 trates bespeak, and the seven pounds, it operated on my feeling-s 
 like a lock-jaw for the instant, and I could not give the man any 
 answer. However, on recovering my speech, I asked the land- 
 lord how any single man could take away twelve pair of ducks ? 
 But he was irritated, and would not hear a word I had to urge 
 in the defence of Vaughan. I, at last, prevailed upon the land- 
 lord to keep silent until the next morning, as Vaughan had pro- 
 mised to return without fail by twelve o'clock. On the depar- 
 ture of the landlord, I went to the company, who were at re- 
 hearsal, and made them acquainted with the charge of the pub- 
 lican, at the same time, begging one of them to study the part, 
 as I made sure Vaughan had got the ducks. On Monday morn- 
 ing, about eleven o'clock, while the company were at rehearsal, 
 Vaughan, to my surprise, made his appearance. I was very glad 
 to see him. He said he should have been down at Waltham 
 Abbey much sooner, but that he had dined out with a friend, 
 and had a beautiful dinner. I, of course, asked him what were 
 the dishes ? His reply was ' Ducks and green peas !' ' Then, 
 by Heaven !' I exclaimed, ' you had the man's twelve pair of 
 ducks.' Vaughan inquired what I meant ; but during the time 
 the story was being told to him, the landlord of the public-house 
 entered, and, calling me on one side, said he hoped that I had 
 not told the young man about the ducks. He was sorry for 
 what he had said, as it since appeared the ducks had gone down 
 with the mill-stream to a farm some two miles off, when Mr. 
 Vaughan left for London, and had likewise returned about the 
 same time as his lodger. Upon the whole the story of the ducks 
 was a fortunate thing for Vaughan, as the landlord of the public- 
 house, to prevent an action for defamation, fed and lodged 
 Vaughan, free of expence, during the remainder of his stay in 
 the town. The magistrates ' bespeak,' produced an excellent 
 house ; we divided the receipts, and paid all the money we 
 could amongst the tradesmen who had given us credit. 
 
 " On quitting Waltham Abbey we made our route to be in 
 time for the opening of the Paddington Canal, and erected our 
 booth. By the time of the company's landing we opened, and 
 had an excellent night, the receipts of which put me upon my 
 legs, and I retired for the winter. During the vacation I looked 
 out for new performers, and visited the private theatres. 
 Amongst them MINTON'S, in Queen Anne Street east, claimed 
 my attention. The play was Richard the Third, the part of the 
 
96 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 Duke of Gloucester, by Mr. Oxberry. I knew his uncle, and 
 himself, previous to that period ; therefore, I had an immediate 
 interview with Oxberry without any hesitation. The latter per- 
 former wished to travel, and I engaged him for the ensuing- sum- 
 mer. Oxberry joined my company at Easter, and remained with 
 me for two seasons. At that time a young* woman of the name 
 of Bass, belonged to us, and in our journey to Ascot races, we 
 stopped to bait our horses at the Swan, Staines Bridge. We 
 were immediately recognized by the watermen, who g*ood 
 naturedly lent the company their boats to take a small excursion 
 on the Thames. Nine of the actors got into one of the boats, 
 and amongst them Billy Oxberry ; in the middle of the river it 
 upset, and the whole of them had a sousing, nay, went to the 
 bottom ! The whole town hearing- of the circumstance, rushed 
 to afford them assistance, and with very great difficulty the nine 
 performers were rescued from a watery grave. But Billy 
 Oxberry had the narrowest escape of any of them, owing to 
 Miss Bass rising at the same time with Billy. In going down a 
 second time, Miss Bass caught hold of Oxberry's coat, which 
 had nearly drowned them both ; but by the perseverance and 
 struggling of Oxberry, and prompt assistance being afforded him, 
 they were both preserved to laugh at the incident. The most 
 ludicrous part of this unlucky circumstance was, that not one of 
 them had a change of clothes : they therefore all scrambled into 
 the caravan, took off their wet apparel, and hung them out of the 
 caravan to dry. Oxberry was the most unfortunate of the party : 
 his breeches were made of buckskin, and fitted so tight to his 
 limbs, that it was with the utmost difficulty they could be got 
 off; and the leather taking a long time to dry, Billy was com- 
 pelled to walk about Ascot race-course with a full pair of Turkish 
 trowsers. 
 
 " About this time, I engaged Mr. Abraham Slader, and Mr. 
 Rose, both of whom, in a few years afterwards, became men of 
 celebrity at Astley's and the Surrey theatres. The former was 
 distinguished for his singing the beautiful ballad of ' Sweet 
 Kitty of the Clyde !' Also, a Mrs. Fitzgerald, who, on leaving 
 my company in the course of a few years, was the manageress 
 of the York Circuit ; likewise, Miss Fanny Welding, belonging 
 to Astleys, but afterwards, as Mrs. Pearce, of Covent Garden 
 Theatre. In the course of the year I went to Twickenham 
 Fair ; and Messrs. Copeland and Russell's company were then 
 performing at the Theatre, Richmond. I made up my mind to 
 have one private night after the fair was over, and I announced 
 the public performance of Douglas, and the Miller of Mans- 
 field, Young Norval, by Mr. Saville Faucit. Directly our bills 
 had been circulated in the morning, it was a usual thing on my 
 part, on the day after the fair, to give all the company a treat at 
 Twickenham Ait, with as many eel pies as they could eat, and 
 as much ale as they could drink. We were all very comfort- 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 97 
 
 able and merry, and the performers did not want any persuasion 
 to play their different characters with spirit. But in the midst 
 of our happiness, to my astonishment, I received a note from the 
 managers of the Richmond Theatre, with information that it was 
 a benefit that night, at their house, and if I attempted to per- 
 form, they would apply to a magistrate, and have myself, and 
 the whole of the company taken into custody. I laughed at this 
 threat ; and being quite warm with ale, I returned an answer, 
 with my compliments, that if I was taken up, it should be by 
 the authority of a magistrate, and not by two vagrants like 
 myself. 
 
 " Mrs. JORDAN, at that time, lived on Twickenham Common. 
 I went immediately to that justly celebrated actress, and put the 
 letter of the Richmond managers into her hand. Mrs. Jordan 
 said, she could scarcely think they would have been guilty of 
 such an act of meanness ; but she knew it was their hand- 
 writing. Mrs. Jordan desired me to return to my company, and 
 perform without any fear of their threats : that she would 
 endeavour to make me up a party, or at least, if she could not 
 come herself she would send her children. This most excellent 
 actress and worthy woman kept her word. The next morning, 
 the above managers did me another favor, by engaging Saville 
 Faucit ; but the latter actor would not consent to quit my 
 service immediately, according to their wishes, but remained in 
 my company till the season closed. 
 
 " My next tour was to St. Alban's Fair, where I met with 
 very great encouragement ; and, year after year, my gratitude 
 compels me to think that I have met with some cheerful patron- 
 age from the inhabitants and corporation of St. Alban's." 
 
 To shew the vicissitudes of the stage, Muster Richardson 
 often observed that superior talents ultimately will be recognised 
 by the public. At Easter, in 1806, at Battersea Fair, the ma- 
 gistrates gave him permission to perform whole pieces for two 
 nights afterwards. He was short of hands, when Edmund Keari 
 applied for an engagement ; and the first night he acted Young 
 Norval ; and on the second Motley, in the Castle Spectre ; and 
 for which the Manager paid him a crown per night ; which 
 sum, however trifling, he thankfully received : " and I am happy 
 to say that his splendid talents have, since that period, not only 
 saved one of the Theatres Royal from ruin, but he has received 
 one hundred pounds per night for his exertions. This was the 
 last time Edmund played for me ; though the rest of his family 
 remained some months afterwards in my company. " 
 
 A fellow once called on Muster Richardson at Woodland 
 Cottage, during one of his vacations ; who was ragged as a 
 colt, and as dirty as a sweep. On being asked what he wanted, 
 he answered, he was out of an engagement ! 
 
 " Engagement ! " echoed Richardson, surveying him from top 
 to toe. 
 
 o 
 
98 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " Yes, I want an engagement. You need not stare so I am 
 a man of talent ; though perhaps I don't look such ! But you, 
 Governor, are too good a judge to take a man by his looks ! " 
 
 " If I did/' said Richardson, " you would not get one. But 
 what can you do ? " 
 
 " Do ! any thing" every thing. I can stand upon my head 
 deliver a message sing a comic song dance a hornpipe slang 
 the mob. I can light the lamps put them out take care of 
 the wardrobe act as call-boy ; in short, I am for general 
 utility ; and, upon a pinch, I can take the money." 
 
 " The latter qualification is out of the question ; therefore, 
 we'll bar that pinching won't do for me it is no go in my 
 establishment. I play the first fiddle on that ere suit, muster, 
 myself: no, no, I don't want to make a rogue of you. But 
 where did you come from ? " 
 
 " Come from !" answered the fellow ; " all over the kingdom ! 
 I have been starring it ! " 
 
 " What ! Ha ! ha ! ha I starring it." 
 
 " Don't laugh, master. Its true, so help me Bob. I have 
 been starring with a PIG ! whom I taught his letters, and other 
 subjects : but I bothered his upper works so much that he be- 
 came light-headed." 
 
 " Light-headed ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! A pig light-headed ! " 
 
 " Yes ! He took his laming so fast that it turned his brains, 
 and the pig became as mad as a March-hare." 
 
 " You astonish me. I have seen and heard a good deal," ob- 
 served Muster Richardson ; "but this is anew caper to make a 
 hanimal light in his upper story ! Well go on." 
 
 " Astonished, I believe ye ! I could scarcely believe my own 
 eyes ; but, nevertheless, it was true. I took the pig to one of 
 our first insane doctors ; but as my lamed friend, the Pig, could 
 not explain the nature of his complaint, the mad physicianer 
 said he could do nothing for him that it was a new case alto- 
 gether ; but he would consult the College of Physicians on the 
 subject at the same time, handing out his morley for the fee." 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! An't you coming it a little too strong ? " 
 said Richardson ; " but no matter how did you proceed then?" 
 
 " Proceed ! I could not proceed at all my splendid grunter 
 made his exit and that floored me ! For some time I was insane 
 myself all the blunt vanished my toggery all spouted and I 
 am now anxious for a new start another move on the board ! 
 And as I have not to learn, Muster Richardson, but you have 
 got your head screwed on the right way, I have got something 
 more under my hat than you think for. Therefore, you will find 
 me not a bad card tractable, and worthy of your patronage." 
 
 " Well, come in, muster," said the wily showman ; " but first 
 try the effect of soap and water, and look like a man ; and then 
 I'll see if I can find some new rigging from my wardrobe to put 
 you once more upon your pins." This man afterwards proved a 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 99 
 
 valuable acquisition to Muster Richardson, who observed, when 
 speaking- of the "pig starrer !" that he was a prime make-shift 
 cove, and never grumbled to try to do what lie was set about ; 
 and that men are not to be taken by their looks ! 
 
 In the zenith of Kean's fame, when his name resounded from 
 one part of the kingdom to the other, as one of the greatest 
 actors ever seen in this country, it is due to his character to state 
 that he called to see his old manager several times in Bartho- 
 lomew Fair ; offering 1 his hand to him with that strong- sense 
 and good feeling- which elevates the prosperous man still hig-her 
 in the estimation of his friends, and shewing- that his recollection 
 of old times and former circumstances had riot escaped his me- 
 mory. Also, when Mr. Kean was the Manag-er of the Richmond 
 Theatre, he felt it no degradation to write a letter to Muster 
 Richardson, requiring-, for a short time, the loan of some of his 
 wardrobe ! 
 
 Muster Richardson arriving- from the country one nig-ht, se- 
 veral years since, in a hurry, slept in a double-bedded room at 
 one of the coffee-houses under the Piazza in Covent Garden. 
 Early in the morning-, before day-light, the person who slept in 
 the bed next to the showman, and whom he had not seen, g-ot 
 up, and took with him the sheets off the bed, and some other 
 portable articles, unperceived. During- the time Richardson was 
 at breakfast in the coffee-room, the chamber-maid informed her 
 master of the robbery which had been committed in the house. 
 The latter, without hesitation, challenged Richardson with the 
 theft ; and also threatened to send to Bow-street for an officer. 
 In vain Muster Richardson protested ag-ainst the charg-e, and de- 
 clared his innocence, accompanied with an oath ; and, at the 
 same time, observed, that if he was taken to the public-office it 
 mig-ht ruin his character. " / am RICHARDSON, the Showman /" 
 said he. 
 
 " Then," said the master, full of ang-er, " the fellow that's 
 bolted with my sheets is a pal of yours ; and if you do not im- 
 mediately consent to pay for the loss of my property, at all 
 events, you shall underg-o an examination at Bow-street/' 
 
 Richardson thought it much better to pay the sum demanded 
 than to let the subject get wind before the public : but scarcely 
 had three weeks elapsed, when the person who had taken the 
 sheets returned to the tavern arid restored the property. It ap- 
 peared that he was a gentleman, but labouring under very great 
 distress at the moment, had pawned the sheets to raise him 
 a small sum of money ; but since that period fortune had turned 
 in his favor, and he was more than anxious to repair his error. 
 He immediately sent for Muster Richardson, begged his pardon, 
 returned him the sum of money he had paid, and did every thing 
 in his power to make the amende honorable. 
 
 (( This circumstance will be a warning to me," said the show- 
 man to one of his intimate friends : " so help me , I'll never 
 
100 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 sleep in a double-bedded room again as long- as I live, when 
 such gallows willins are suffered to prowl about and rob the 
 public, and then plead distress as the occasion ; and innocent 
 people are liable to be transported for their tricks. I have no 
 notion of it." The above adventure, perhaps, might be some 
 reason why he preferred sleeping 1 in his caravan ever afterwards. 
 At Portsdown Fair, some years ago, the next show to Richard- 
 son's was kept by a Welshman and his wife, who did every thing 
 in their power to annoy him : in fact, they were jealeus of his 
 success and reputation, overflowing* shows crowning- his exer- 
 tions. Muster Richardson, however, by way of a bit of fun, 
 had some goats dressed up, and had them led up and down his 
 platform by the clowns, singing the old well-known stanza 
 
 Taffy was a Welshman, 
 
 Taffy was a thief ; 
 But Taffy's poor show 
 
 Won't bring him any beef ! 
 
 The Welshman did not complain of the appearance of the 
 goats, but did not altogether relish the satire levelled against him ; 
 during the night he had a dummy figure stuffed, dressed ex- 
 actly like Muster Richardson, and hung it up, with a rope round 
 the neck, early the next morning. This circumstance excited 
 a great deal of merriment throughout the Fair ; and when 
 Richardson appeared on the front of his show, the Welshman 
 pointed to the figure hanging, and asked him if he knew who 
 the culprit was ? 
 
 " Know him ! do I know myself?" was the reply ; " it is in- 
 tended for Richardson, the showman, who can beat all his 
 opponents with the greatest ease and certainty, by his perform- 
 ances being so excellent ; and whose actors are so superior, that 
 he can fill his show three times over to any other Mummer's 
 once, and you know it. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Its a capital likeness, I 
 think, and I give you credit for your invention. I have only one 
 favour to beg of you, Muster Taffy, as it is likely to do me good, 
 I hope you will let it remain during the fair it will prove an 
 excellent sign for my friends to find me out!" The Welshman 
 finding it had not the desired effect to put Richardson out of 
 temper, and make him angry, immediately took down the 
 figure. 
 
 The Paraders, as they are called, persons who are hired to 
 'strut and fret their hour' on the platform, in order to attract 
 the attention of the public, were the best looking females he 
 could procure ; and as a matter of business few men better 
 knew the value of effect on the populace by exhibiting pretty 
 faces, genteel figures, and women who walked proudly, than 
 the late Muster Richardson. He did not boast of any great 
 knowledge with the plays of Shakespeare : but one line, he said, 
 suited hi* purpose: 
 
 " Beauty provokelh thieves much sooner than gold !" 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 101 
 
 Some suspicious characters were found concealed one night 
 under his booth at Greenwich Fair, whom he supposed had in- 
 tended to have robbed him of his cash when he went to sleep, 
 but nothing- being- found upon them but a phosphorus box, the 
 magistrate told Muster Richardson that he could see nothing- to 
 detain them according- to law ! 
 
 " But I do/' said he, " I have no doubt the g-allows willins 
 meant to blow me up and my show with their prosperous box 
 when they cotched me winking- ! But I was too leary for their 
 tricks \ The ould showman has'nt lived for nothing- he has 
 always g-ot one eye open when he does g-o to sleep they are such 
 a set of rog'ues in this ere world !" 
 
 In the same lig-ht as the late erudite John Kemble was to the 
 patent theatres, respecting their improvement and advancement 
 towards perfection, may be viewed the exertions of the late 
 Muster Richardson towards the SHOW FOLKS ! The difference, 
 in point of intellect, between those great characters was immense 
 the illustrious John, for sifting, as it were, the words of 
 Shakespeare, to obtain an accurate phraseology, to render the 
 exits and entrances of actors classical, and to produce the origi- 
 nal costume to various historical and other pieces claimed the 
 well earned tribute of unqualified praise. 
 
 On the other hand, the late Muster Richardson, without the 
 advantag-es of a patent rig-ht, and a splendid domus to give effect 
 to his exertions, or the assistance of great writers ; not possessing 
 the talents to pore over dusty black-lettered volumes atth e 
 British Museum, and other libraries for information, neverthe- 
 less, wrought great changes, effected visible improvements, and 
 elevated the Show Folks into importance. 
 
 The booths erected for performances at Bartholomew, and 
 other fairs, between forty and fifty years since, when Muster 
 Richardson first showed himself, were of the most wretched 
 description, and mere stables, when compared with the moveable 
 theatres of the present day. Muster Richardson, who was a 
 shrewd, cunning, clear-sighted man, saw the deficiency of com- 
 fort which was experienced by the visitors, and he spared 
 neither pains, expense, or exertions, until he improved it, and 
 produced a building well worthy of the reception of the public. 
 In consequence of which he became attractive a great feature 
 with the visitors of fairs ; and the good performances, better 
 actors, intelligent pieces, exalted scenes, comfortable seats, ren- 
 dered him not only a formidable opponent, but he soon distanced 
 all his competitors, and obtained for himself the appellation of 
 the GREAT SHOWMAN, all over the kingdom. 
 
 When the late George Colman's drama of Blue Beard was 
 first produced, it positively took London by storm ; at the ensuing 
 Bartholomew Fair, Muster Richardson, as far as the size of his 
 theatre would permit, exhibited Blue Beard in such a splendid 
 style as to astonish the public : nothing could excel the value 
 
102 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 and magnificence of his dresses, and, although he could not 
 engage the inimitable Parisot, to display her attitudes shew 
 the illuminated garden with such brilliancy as his predecessor on 
 a more extended scale or, give the terrific effect to the blue 
 chamber, as realized at Drury Lane, yet he achieved much 
 more than was expected, and his theatre was literally besieged 
 with succeeding audiences, crowning his efforts with the loudest 
 shouts of approbation : nay, more, it was a matter of great regret 
 expressed by John Bull, when the fair closed, which deprived 
 the multitude of enjoying the above splendid spectacle at six- 
 pence per head. 
 
 John Kemble lived on the stage and in his closet, and books 
 and dramatic lore were his idols ; he was classical, and nothing 
 else but classical, to the very tip of his little finger ; and refine- 
 ment was his decided model of good taste. Muster John Richard- 
 son, (no relation, we believe, to the author of Sir Charles 
 Grandison,) existed all his leisure time in his caravan, peeping 
 out at the corner of a little window at the tricks and fancies of 
 mankind, taking measure, at the same time, of John Bull and his 
 family, with all their peculiarities and propensities, noting them 
 down in the tablet of his memory, to turn them to good account 
 when it suited his purpose, often smiling at the thought that 
 
 " Man's a man, for a' and a' that !" 
 
 It has been an expressed opinion, nay, quite a mistaken notion, 
 respecting the degradation of actors appearing at a fair a sort of 
 squeamishness , that people in general do not exactly understand. 
 The public, or what is termed the public, must still be the same 
 in point of decision and applause. Surely it will not be urged 
 that because persons are better dressed, and live in a more splen- 
 did house, that they have superior, or more intellectual heads 
 than their neighbours ; the audience in the boxes can but dis- 
 play judgment, the visitors in the pit shew their opinion, and the 
 gods, as they are termed, or, in other words, the gallery 
 folks, will have a say in the matter, cry encore, and obtain it, in 
 spite of all the rank, birth, and property in the nation. 
 
 Then the actor, who having endured the rude noisy interrup- 
 tion of a mob, as it were, and without the advantages of a well- 
 regulated theatre, extorts applause from the audience, proves 
 that he possesses talents, and only wants * the opening,' to pro- 
 cure him fame and fortune, and ultimately, a passport to excel- 
 lence ; confirming the pleasing idea of the poet : 
 
 Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, 
 And waste its sweetness on the desert air. 
 
 Woodward, the splendid comedian of olden times, if ever 
 rivalled, was never excelled ; and who never felt any thing like 
 reduction of consequence, by his performance at Southwark and 
 Bartholomew Fairs ; the inimitable Shuter, one of the greatest 
 mimics of his time ; and Macklin 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 103 
 
 The Jew, 
 
 That Shakespeare drew. 
 
 also exhibited at Bristol, and other fairs ; Belzoni, afterwards 
 the great traveller, was at one period of his career, a show- 
 man ; and the late Mrs. Mountain's delightful abilities as a 
 vocalist, were not valued a jot the less because she had exhibit- 
 ed for several years over the kingdom at fairs. 
 
 Muster Richardson's theatre was open to all parties, and 
 influenced by none : he loved talent he invited it to his boards 
 and he promoted it facts are stubborn things, and he had to 
 boast that his humble booth had been the stepping-stone to fame 
 and riches to several of his early actors, amongst whom might be 
 named the two Southbys, clowns ; Mr. Thwaites and Mr. 
 Vaughan, who distinguished themselves in America ; Saville 
 Faucit, Mr. Grosette, Mr. and Mrs. Jefferies, Mr. Reed, Mrs. 
 Wells, Mr. Oxberry, Mrs. Pearce, Abraham Slader, Mrs. Rose, 
 Mrs. Fitzgerald, and Walbourn arid Saunders, the celebrated 
 Dusty Bob and Black Sal ; with numerous other actors, that at 
 present we cannot call to our memory. 
 
 Muster Richardson often declared that the burletta of Tom 
 and Jerry, at Bartholomew Fair, brought him the greatest houses, 
 and most money, he had ever received during his career as show- 
 man. The piece was concocted by Bob Keeley, rehearsed at 
 Stepney Fair, and for which the comedian received five pounds 
 for his trouble. The showman gave a dinner upon the occasion, 
 at which the author of Life in London, in company with (those 
 celebrated characters Dusty Bob and Black Sal,) Bill Wal- 
 bourn and Saunders, dined off a prime baked shoulder of mutton 
 and potatoes in his caravan, metamorphosed into a tidy parlour ; 
 and who enjoyed their meal with as much gout, as if they had 
 been seated in the most splendid domus in the world; a drop of 
 jacky gave spirit to the affair, which was concluded over some 
 red port that would not have disgraced the table of a king. 
 Muster Richardson took pride to himself for the expensive and 
 elegant dresses which he provided for the three heroes Tom, 
 Jerry, and Logic ; and in point of fact, they were never better 
 dressed at any theatre either in town or country. On quitting 
 the caravan, he filled a glass of wine, and said, here Muster 
 ****** **** nere s your good health, and when 
 your benefit takes place, I will take ten pounds worth of tickets, 
 ' and so ought every other manager in the kingdom ! 
 
 u I have lost a great many actors during my showman- 
 ship," observed Richardson ; " poor devils ! they works werry 
 hard after all fora bit of wittals ; yet I pays them as well as I 
 can for their sarvices, and I always likes to cognize (recognize) 
 merit. But when you consider that they are exposed to heats 
 and colds and all sorts of weather in the open air perform so 
 often, werry often, in one day, added to a little drinking it 
 makes out the old saying, that the life of an actor is short, but a 
 
104 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 merry one ! During the Peer time they scarcely are allowed 
 time to sleep ! 
 
 " I have been the means of setting- several werry clever fel- 
 lows a-going- in this ere world ! When they first came to me for 
 engagements they were mere cripples quite timid and did not 
 know wot they could do but they all wanted to begin at the 
 top of the tree, and to hart Emperors and Kings ! But I tould 
 them of their mistakes. I don't care how bould you speaks to 
 the audiences, because I knows they likes bould orators ; and it 
 always puts me on the fret when I hears the spectres (specta- 
 tors) call out Speak up ! 
 
 " Besides, I cured a great many young men who were at first 
 shy, and ashamed to parade up and down the front of my the- 
 atre ! But I used to say to them, You must persewere, and never 
 mind being picked out by an ould acquaintance in the crowd 
 look at them full in the face, as if they were perfect strangers 
 to you, by which means you will be able to get lots of sing fryd 
 (sang froid), and become werry good hactors ! I know werry 
 veil wot it is to be timid myself and that bouldness is not to be 
 obtained without a good deal of practice ; non-chance (noncha- 
 lance) requires some time to be mastered ! There was that ere 
 Bill Walbourn I always saw the day-light in him ; he was 
 restless to become sumbody he had got a nob on his shoulders, 
 and a pair of heels to his feet ! 
 
 " Besides, what advantages the young hactors have on my 
 platform room for the exercise of their limbs and an hactor 
 without action is like a horse that wants whipping, as he never 
 can get over the ground with ease to himself, or pleasure to the 
 audience. And several of the female women, who have turned 
 out werry good performers ; though, at a more advanced part of 
 their lives, they have been rather too proud to acknowledge 
 their first school yet they never forgot my lessons !" 
 
 His criticisms, in general, were of the most ludicrous descrip- 
 tion. In speaking of Mr. Oartlitch, he said, " he was a bould 
 speaker, and not afraid of his lungs, as he could be heer'd all 
 over the Feer ; and his tickilation (articulation) was so werry 
 fine ! But for my ghosts ! ha ! ha ! ha ! they were the most 
 spirited performers in my company." 
 
 Had the late Muster Richardson been able to have kept a 
 common-place book, and noted down the strange fellows that 
 crossed his path for the last forty or fifty years, the droll inci- 
 dents he had met with, and the singular circumstances connected 
 with his life, an unsophisticated work, written according to the 
 dictates of NATURE, might have been presented to the public, 
 with great advantages to society, and also been viewed as an 
 invaluable piece of biography. Muster Richardson lived in a 
 world, almost his own, amongst the SHOW FOLKS ! but, 
 nevertheless, if he could not use his pen with the facility of a 
 short-hand writer, he did not stand all day with his eyes open, 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 105 
 
 and s<?e nothing ! On the contrary, he was rather a keen ob- 
 server of human nature full of anecdote and could depict, 
 after his own style, the abilities of various persons, the shifts 
 resorted to by characters upon the town, with excellent com- 
 mon sense. 
 
 To use his own words, when speaking of Bartholomew Fair 
 for the last fifty years, arid of the bucks and bloods, as they 
 were then designated, who frequented the above " raree show," 
 to have a peep at what was going on, perhaps may afford some 
 little amusement to the " moderns " of the present day. 
 
 " Bartholomew Fair, in the olden times," observed Muster 
 Richafdson, " was hailed once a year as the rallying point for 
 all the ' CHOICE SPIRITS ' in the Metropolis to meet desirous to 
 please, be pleased, and to give a taste of their various qualities 
 in the long room of the stable-yard at the French Horn, every 
 evening during the Fair. This meeting was a select affair alto- 
 gether^ being composed of jovial fellows far above the common 
 routine of society ; and rather a difficult matter to gain access to 
 it, if not introduced by a friend, who had the privilege of doing 
 so. The evening was entirely devoted to harmony ; catches and 
 glees were the leading' features, with some excellent songs, &c. 
 
 The great " pan of the dairy/* upon this occasion, or the chair- 
 man for the time being, was DICK JOHANNOT full of life and 
 spirit, as a high-mettled racer a steeple-chace sort of creature 
 a bottle of sparkling Champagne uncorked nothing came 
 amiss to Dick, the well-known celebrated comic singer and actor 
 at old Astley's Amphitheatre. Johannot was a most distinguished 
 favorite with the public ; and, although the senior Astley was a 
 pound, shillings, and pence sort of man, yet Johannot received 
 a splendid salary, and a couple of benefits in the year. He kept 
 his horses and curricle, lived in good style, and was the life of 
 his party. Dick possessed not only a voice of uncommon strength, 
 but the tone of it was truly harmonious : he sang with the 
 greatest ease to himself, and was considered one of the best 
 comic singers of his time. There is nothing like so rich a bur- 
 letta singer at the present period. 
 
 Johannot had a Joe Munden sort of face he could do any 
 thing he liked with it twist it in all manner of shapes, but 
 never distort it out of humour : he could roll his eyes of fire 
 with such irresistible effect, that it was impossible not to smile, 
 but more likely to burst out into a roar of laughter. 
 
 Dick was truly the cock of the walk upon his own ground : 
 he had the good sense to keep it, to know exactly his value, and 
 not to get out of his depth. He was tempted several times 
 with great offers by the managers of both the Theatres Royal, 
 to make an appearance in any character he might select for the 
 occasion. " No, no," was the reply ; " I am at the top of the 
 tree here ; I have it all my own way, and no rival to annoy my 
 feelings ; therefore, I will let well alone. 
 
 p 
 

 106 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " The Theatre Royal has a high-sounding name, and is rather 
 flattering", I must admit ; but it will never do for Dick Johannot 
 to become little A at a big house. A failure would make a bank- 
 rupt of me in the Court of Fun I should go down below par ; 
 and, what might be worse, never be able to rise again. Besides, 
 I feel convinced there is a peculiar atmosphere for actors to 
 breathe ; and, what might be considered great at the Amphi- 
 theatre, might be thought nothing of at a Theatre Royal ; 
 therefore, I will not chance it." Johannot was the father of the 
 present Mrs. W. Vining, and his great comic song the CRIES 
 OF LONDON : 
 
 Like a lark in the morn, with early song, 
 
 Comes the sweep, with his sweep, soot, oh ! 
 Next the cherry- cheek'd damsel she trips it along, 
 
 Any milk, pretty .maids, below ! 
 Any dust ! any dust ! goes the tinkling bell, 
 
 While sharp in each corner they look ; 
 Next the Jew, with his bag Any clothes to sell ; 
 Any hare-skins, or rabbit-skins, cook ! 
 Let none despise 
 The merry, merry cries 
 Of famous London Town ! 
 
 The facetious TONY LE BRUN, when the fatigues of the Fair 
 were over, used to drop in and exhibit his comic mug to the 
 satisfaction of all parties. Tony, at one period of his life, was 
 one of the inmates at Wargrave, the seat of the spendthrift, 
 larking Lord Barrymore, when private theatricals were the rage 
 of his Lordship. Le Brun was also one of the founders of the 
 Humbug Club, established by his Lordship. 
 
 Tony only lived for the moment To-morrow never gave him 
 a thought. He was a complete peep-o'-day boy ; and to go to 
 roost, as he termed it, before the cock began to crow, was a re- 
 flection upon the man, that he was " told out," and had not 
 another word to say for himself. " Time was made for slaves/' 
 He was a man of splendid talents ; but, as to his application of 
 them, perhaps the less that is said the better. 
 
 The anecdote of his shirt has outlived his memory. Tony 
 was never overburdened with a wardrobe, and his stock of linen 
 was scanty in the extreme. He sent his only shirt to the 
 washerwoman an article that had seen the best of its days for 
 several months ; but the woman was afraid, if she attempted to 
 rub it, Tony would be shirtless, as there was great damage of 
 it going into pieces ; and returned it to him by one of her little 
 children. " Tell your mother," said Tony, erecting himself in 
 a pompous attitude, " she is a lazy beast ! that slie has no in- 
 vention ! without brains ! She might have pinned it against 
 the wall, and thrown soap-suds at it ! " 
 
 It was also amongst these wits that SUETT, the celebrated 
 Dicky Gossip, used to unbend for an hour or two at the English 
 Carnival, and enter into the fun of the thing with more than or- 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 107 
 
 dinary spirits ; where he told his tales, cracked his jokes, and 
 sang his comic songs. His slender figure was Comedy itself 
 he appeared like a man hung upon wires. His singular expres- 
 sion " Oh dear ! Oh la ! la ! Oh ! " and his whimsical laugh, 
 always created intense mirth. His character as an actor is en- 
 tirely lost to the stage ; there was a peculiarity attached to it 
 which cannot be recognized in any of the comedians of the 
 present day. As the chairman of a convivial meeting he had 
 few equals he never would let " Dull Care " have a seat in his 
 presence. He was an inveterate punster ; and, according to one 
 of his biographers, he died with a pun in his mouth. He said 
 to the late Robert Palmer " Bobby, my boy, the watchmen are 
 coming I hear the rattles ! " The following impromptu was 
 written by the late Tom Greenwood : 
 
 WIT AND WHEY. 
 
 DICK SUETT had dined at Bill Spencer's one day 
 Got his drops rather soon, and went staggering away ; 
 But still feeling thirsty, as was often his lot 
 His brain all on fire, his copper quite hot 
 ReelM into a pastry-cook's, so his friends say, 
 There sat himself down, and call'd for some whey : 
 In an instant 'twas served, but Dick, fond of a joke, 
 Determin'd a laugh at Puff's cost to provoke, 
 Said, " Halloo, my friend," after taking a drop, 
 * Where am I ? " " Why, sir, you are inside of my shop ; " 
 '* I'm inside your shop ! Mr. Pastrycook, hey ? 
 'Tis a lie," replied Dick, " for I'm over the whey." 
 
 Amongst this coterie of choice spirits none took a higher 
 lead, or appeared to greater advantage, than the late PERCY 
 ROBERTS ; he was an artist by profession, and a most excellent 
 engraver. Percy was also a mimic of the first quality, and for 
 several years he was of the most erratic dispos tion ; he prefered 
 what, at that period, was termed vagabondising, in different 
 parts of the country, in company with the well-known Paddy 
 Rourke, and the late George Nussey : although his talents were 
 of a superior description, and he could have lived with the most 
 comparative ease, like a gentleman. Fortune once or twice 
 bestowed her gifts upon him to the tune of several thousand of 
 pounds ; but this sunshine was not of long duration light come, 
 light go, he never appeared to fret, was always gay and happy, 
 and his excuse for getting rid of his money was, that the saving 
 banks were not in vogue then, that he might have secured his 
 cash. 
 
 Percy Roberts in person, was viewed as the double of the late 
 George the Fourth, and at the head of the table, his appearance 
 and ' small talk/ were of the most imposing description. He 
 was generally surrounded by young men of property, and who 
 always promptly obeyed his calls towards the expences of the 
 night, when he officiated as chairman. He had a pleasant man- 
 ner of doing things, and magnifying mole hills into mountains. 
 
108 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 * The Gods, my dear boys, always drank nectar/ said he, ' and 
 we are the sons of Anacreon ! So, my jolly dogs, lets be happy 
 while we may ! Full bowls ! flowing- bowls ! The Gods 
 never did any thing- by halves ! Waiters, attend and have a 
 plentiful supply of bottles of wine ready : and do you mind, if 
 you do not bring- it from the supernaculum bin, you will be 
 sent back with it, and g-et no remuneration. Then singing 1 : 
 
 O bring me wine ! Bring me wine ! 
 'T is a comfort to the mind, &c. 
 
 No man was more awake to the movements of life, than Percy 
 Roberts ; he was affable, polite, interesting-, and his manners 
 were sure to make an impression on strang-ers. He had a g-ood 
 address, but never profound upon any subject ; he floated on the 
 surface, yet he was extremely imposing-, and always took the 
 lead in companies where he was present. His song- was always 
 ready when called upon ; and he made it a point never to make 
 any excuse. This sort of readiness to oblig-e, made him a favourite 
 in all the convivial societies he visited. Roberts' mock bravura 
 was the delig-ht of all companies ; and he never sang- it without 
 the loudest encore. The story of it ran thus : The wife of a 
 French musical composer had left the baby in the cradle for 
 Monsieur to take care of while she went out to purchase some 
 trifling- errand. The child cries the composer is compelled to 
 leave his score, to take the child out of the cradle, who happens 
 to be disordered in its bowels. The composer, in a rag-e, not 
 knowing- what to do with the baby, exclaims 
 
 " Must I tear my score?" 
 
 Among-st the numerous qualifications which Percy Roberts 
 possessed, he performed the part of clown, for the benefit of 
 Delpini, at the Haymarket Theatre, with considerable applause. 
 
 To add to the above list of g-ay mortals, who were determined 
 to make it appear that the rig-ht end of life was to live and be 
 jolly, was the eccentric BILL SWORDS, a low comedian of con- 
 siderable repute, both on and off the stage a gallimaufry per- 
 sonag-e a great man at the free and easy clubs in the Metropolis, 
 and who had always g-ot a benefit on the stocks, at some public 
 house or the other; 'Just/ as he said, ' by way of keeping- the 
 devil out of his pockets ; and also, to produce him one of those 
 musical sounds which g-ave him pleasure the singing of his 
 tea-kettle. Swords was a great tea-drinker, but not without the 
 embellishments of French cream lots of brandy in it. He was 
 a conspicuous feature among-st the choice spirits, for his comic 
 song-s, and his droll stories. It was astonishing the interest he 
 used to excite in company by his manner of relating- them they 
 were told with such an air of truth names were mentioned 
 dates refered too and circumstances developed -facts he insist- 
 ed upon, to give them effect that his auditory could never per- 
 suade themselves it was all romance. To show how the fashions 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 109 
 
 have altered since that period respecting- the head dress of 
 men, the following- song-, sung- by Swords, was in great repute : 
 
 The youth comes up to town to learn all modern foppery, 
 For London town, no better place, to teach those from the country j 
 He soon finds out what is wanting, and like him not sees one in ten, 
 But rolls into a barber's shop to get a swinging tail, and then- 
 This is the way to be a roily kiddy O ! 
 The girls will all admire you, 
 And swear you are the tippy, O ! 
 
 The versatility of talent displayed at this meeting was truly 
 delightful, the chairman only called on those persons who were 
 capable of amusing- the company, and failures never occurred , 
 although a great variety of faces presented themselves every 
 evening- during- the fair. Davy Everard, said to be a natural 
 son of the Roscius David Garrick, Esq., if in London at the 
 time, always put in an appearance. He felt very proud of his 
 orig-in, and he took care to let every person know who was his 
 father ; but his dear mamma was never heard of. In his 
 benefit bill, he always signed himself a pupil of that great man. 
 It is true, that Garrick noticed him in the early part of his life ; 
 but the habits of Everard were so attached to dissipation, that 
 he ultimately lost his patron. Nevertheless, he was a man of 
 lirst-rate abilities ; as an English dancer, at that period, he was 
 considered above par, and a student under the celebrated 
 Slingsby. Everard was a fascinating companion a most excel- 
 lent mimic, and his tales and recitations almost spell -bound his 
 listeners. Day-light, to Everard, was of little use breaking up 
 a company, or being called a starter, were phrases that never 
 applied to his conduct. He never thought of retiring until he 
 was either turned out of the house by the landlord, or fell off his 
 chair from the want of repose. The bacchanalian song described 
 Everard to a T. 
 
 What have we with day to do ? 
 Sons of care, 'twas made for you. 
 
 " If there was one man more than another/' observed Muster 
 Richardson, " intituled to the phrase of ' choice spirit ' in the 
 true meaning of the word to its fullest extent, it was the late 
 TOM GREENWOOD, the distinguished scene painter of Drury 
 Lane Theatre, and of whom Lord Byron thus noticed in his poem 
 of * English Bards and Scotch Reviewers: 
 
 Where genius ne'er confines 
 Her flights, to garnish Greenwood's gay designs. 
 
 " He never misssed paying me a visit at Bartholomew Fair ; 
 and his presence always afforded me infinite pleasure. Green- 
 wood always appeared delig .ted with the eccentricity and 
 humour of the scene. Tom was very fond of ( seeing life/ arid 
 in accordance with his profession, as a scene painter, he enter- 
 tained an opinion, that he could never see too much of the 
 peculiarities of human nature. The exertions of Greenwood 
 were directed to please mankind and make them happy. 
 
1 10 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 *' He was a most inoffensive creature in disposition, there was 
 nothing- presuming- about his person, but affable and accessible at 
 all times ! He despised the rude insolent blackg-uard, the imper- 
 tinent coxcomb, and the overbearing eg-otist. 
 
 " Greenwood could not live without the pleasure of mixing" 
 with^society ; and when the fatigues of the day were over at the 
 theatre, it was his general custom to mix with authors, poets, 
 painters, actors, &c., who had obtained some eminence in the 
 world, or acquired a name for their abilities. 
 
 " In every thing that Greenwood undertook to perform, he 
 was clever and happy ; his prologues and epilogues were excel- 
 lent, nothing dull or prosing about them. His peculiar mode of 
 ' returning thanks/ when his health has been drunk, was of the 
 neatest description, and full of point. 
 
 " Through his exertions the principal pantomimes were pro- 
 duced at Sadler's Wells, in the best days of one of the best 
 clowns that ever illustrated the boards of any theatre Joey 
 Grimaldi. 
 
 " Nothing could exceed the brilliancy of the scenes painted by 
 Greenwood, in the burletta of Tom and Je-iry, got up at the 
 above place of amusement, under the management of the late 
 Mr. Egerton. 
 
 " He published a small volume of poetry, intituled, ' Rhym- 
 ing Reminiscences/ which was well received by the public : 
 and his burletta of the * Death of Life in London/ performed for 
 upwards of fifty nights with the most flattering success. 
 
 tf Greenwood was one of the most intimate friends of the late 
 Jack Emery, and Billy Blanchard, distinguished for their convi- 
 vial talents at the Hygean Society, held at the King's Arms, 
 Holborn. 
 
 " Tom was a great enemy to rows of any kind, knocking down 
 watchmen was entirely unconnected with his pursuits, keeping 
 out of watchhouses, and appearing before magistrates his decid- 
 ed aim. 
 
 " Greenwood was one of the readiest men ever seen in uniting 
 the efforts of his pen with the execution of his pencil. He was 
 an invaluable man to any theatre. The loss of such a person must 
 be generally felt by society : full of talents in his own person, 
 he was a great admirer of them in others ; nothing like envy 
 ever rankled in his bosom, well-knowing the immense difficulty 
 to obtain an eminence in London ; he was liberal in the extreme 
 to rising merit, and whenever he had an opportunity of bestow- 
 ing his patronage, the tyro always met with a helping hand from 
 the late Tom Greenwood. 
 
 " It would be totally impossible/' said Muster Richardson, " to 
 pass over a theatrical gent, of the name of Dighton, once the 
 ' great card* at Sadler's Wells ; indeed, it might be said he was 
 the principal prop of that place of amusement. Dighton and 
 Sadler's Wells were almost synonymous ; so great a feature was 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. Ill 
 
 he at one period of his career. He was distinguished for his 
 performance of Irish characters and comic songs. Dighton was 
 viewed as a good set-off against Johannot at Astley's ; and the 
 contrast between them proved of great service to the opposite 
 houses. He was a great favorite with the public, and deservedly 
 so ; and when he left the stage the chasm that occurred was 
 never filled up. In addition to his capabilities as an actor, he 
 was the most distinguished caricaturist of his day, and had a 
 style of his own. St. James' and Hyde Parks affording him 
 rich subjects for his pencil, his likenesses were so extremely ac- 
 curate that no one could mistake who they were meant for. His 
 shop-window, in which they were exhibited at Charing Cross, 
 was so crowded wkh spectators outside, that numerous passen- 
 gers were compelled to resort to the road to pursue their course. 
 Dighton was a choice spirit, to the very echo ! 
 
 The meeting previously alluded to was not distinguished 
 wholly for the resort of actors and singers ; but persons of li- 
 terary character were to be seen amongst them. An author, 
 known at that time by the title of Anthony Pasquin 9 celebrated 
 for his poem of the Children of Thespis, and the Lives of Lord 
 Barrymore, and Edwin, the great comic actor : he was also con- 
 nected with the leading newspapers at that period. Pasquin 
 (otherwise Williams) was a man of considerable abilities, 
 who could handle the out-door subjects better than most men of 
 his time ; although he had to compete with the celebrated Major 
 Topham, of the Post, and Sir Henry Bate Dudley, of the 
 Herald. Pasquin was a leading theatrical critic, and very much 
 looked up to by the actors of that period. But, it is urged, there 
 is such an affinity between " choice spirits/' that they will find 
 each other out, and assemble together ; no matter whether it is 
 in a cellar, a garret, a fair, or a tavern. Talent loves talent 
 and that accounts for it. 
 
 " But," said Muster Richardson, (C I have lived to see all 
 those ' choice spirits ' called to their Mother Earth (with a sigh, 
 something like a foreboding that he might soon follow them), 
 and this sort of thing is all gone by now-a-days ; and I am sure 
 ( I shall never look upon their like again/ There was nothing 
 like a calculating fellow amongst them who had any idea of 
 making a purse for another day ; yet they were all clever in 
 furnishing expedients, upon the shortest notice, to * raise the 
 wind!' But those 'choice spirits/ as they are termed, never 
 do, nor can they last as long as other men, because the rapidity 
 of their enjoyments consume them : they are faster than race- 
 horses they are always on the gallop through life ! But, with 
 all their nous, they did not give themselves half a chance. 
 Sleep they never count upon, and only succumb to it when nature 
 cannot hold out any longer ; and then they drop off their 
 perch." 
 
 "I look back with astonishment," said the showman, <( at the 
 
112 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 time when I first commenced to amuse the public (swindling, 1 
 am aware, some persons call it), in my humble way, respecting' 
 the improvement of the theatres, scenery, dresses, &c. ; but, to 
 be candid, I cannot say as much for the improvement of the ac- 
 tors. I may be called partial, and my judgment questioned, but 
 I have seen more real talent exhibited at Peers than I ever saw 
 at any of the licensed Theatres." 
 
 Old Ducrow, father of the present lessee of Astley's Amphi- 
 theatre, was a great opponent for several years at the fairs ; and 
 also old Saunders ; but Richardson, if he was deficient in personal 
 talents with either of the above active, clever men, had 
 always some little dodge, he said, to keep pace with them in 
 producing* novelties for the public. 
 
 Muster Richardson was extremely liberal to actors who visited 
 his show during- the fair, (and several performers belonging- to 
 the Theatres Royal, out of curiosity, used to g-o and see what the 
 performances were like,) but he was fond of fiie profession in 
 g-eneral : and on ' passing them' he would observe to his door- 
 keeper, " It is all rig-lit, Jem, pass that ere g-entleman, he is a 
 professional hactor, and belong-s to one of the Theatres Royal. 
 We are werry g-lad to see them: I loves talent. He is one 
 of us !" 
 
 During- the career of Muster Richardson, he had, in several 
 Country Fairs, to contend ag-ainst magisterial authority, who 
 would not listen, he used to assert, either to rhyme or reason. 
 Frequently, after the Fair was over, he wished to have a private 
 nig-ht or two to act plays ; but the Mag-istrates either refused 
 their consent, or he was threatened with informations if he acted 
 contrary to their wishes ; the penalty of which, according to the 
 Act of Parliament, is 50/. He, therefore, in one town, issued 
 the following- singular bill, which he called his dummy expla- 
 nation of the grievances he laboured under : 
 
 The " MANAGER in Distress," and under circumstances of Re- 
 straint, is compelled to put forth a 
 
 QUIET 
 
 CLAIM TO NOVELTY, 
 By commencing- with 
 
 A PIECE a new PIECE and nothing else but an ORIGINAL 
 PIECE, written, or rather pENN-ed, by a well-known 
 
 ERRATIC WRITER, 
 
 Who has nothing- for his CHARACTERS to say Speech-making- 
 also out of the question yet, nevertheless, they will address 
 
 The audience without WORDS ! 
 
 A TOUCH-AND-GO thing- altog-ether twenty minutes in leng-th 
 not by Shrewsbury, but by the nearest clock in the Town. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 113 
 
 The Piece is legitimate the line has been kept and the de- 
 nouement also in strict accordance with the Patents of the 
 Great Houses (with such nicety of taste, that those precious 
 documents have not been robbed of a single particle of dust), 
 in which will be depicted, in silent sorrow, all the luxury of 
 woe, to the echo that applauds again : but, as a matter of 
 course, GRIEF cannot, must not, ought not to be encored 
 yet with the liberty to enjoy, but not to repeat it set down 
 as the 
 
 TONGUE-TIED ACTORS ! 
 
 OR, THE 
 
 DUMMIES 
 
 Struggling to make themselves intelligible to JOHN BULL ! 
 
 " We must speak by the card, or equivocation will undo us!" 
 
 IMMORTAL BILLY. 
 
 But tell it not to LIBERTY ! Hear it not, REFORM ! Disciples 
 of the PRESS bear it in mind as one of the imposing Spec- 
 tacles of 1832. Weep, Authors, weep ! your occupation'-s 
 gone ! ! Drop a tear, ACTORS a legitimate drop ! ! ! The 
 tear that bedews sweet Sensibility's shrine ! Enough ! too 
 much ! but exit ACTING the Farce is over, and 
 
 CHAOS COMES AGAIN!!!! 
 
 Behold MELPOMENE devoid of utterance THALIA quite speech- 
 less a nd the MANAGER not having one word to say for himself ! 
 
 Can such things be? 
 And overcome us, like a summer's cloud, without our special wonder! 
 
 The noisy, talkative, uproarious Country DAGGERWOOD reduced 
 to a dummy in every town 
 
 "True, 'tis pity; and pity 'tis, 'tis true! " 
 
 The matronly Lady DAGGERWOOD, with all the numerous little 
 DAGGERS, drawn forth upon this touching occasion, without 
 RE -dress ! 
 
 ASSISTED BY 
 
 A mob of non-legitimates, and a variety of other DUMMIES, 
 whose features will talk, if their TONGUES are unable to 
 perform their usual office; and, by way of 
 
 LIGHT AND SHADE TO THE PIECE, 
 
 A Caper, in GRIEF, will take place, with steps of the most 
 doleful description ; in which the heels of the Performers must 
 SPEAK for them to the audience. 
 
 And as sort of a make-weight, 
 
 A CUDGELLING MATCH will be introduced (names not 
 being required to illustrate this peculiar rencontre,) between 
 a legitimate GOG and a TINY OPPONENT in the Minor K. 
 
 Q 
 
114 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 To which will be added, 
 
 A serious LA-MENT, of the most penetrating- description, to 
 prevent the Comedy of the " ROAD TO RUIN " being- chang-ed 
 to a most distressing trag-edy. 
 
 I do remember me, when a MINOR became a MAJOR 
 
 And when that MAJOR descended to a Minor! 
 
 " Over the water to Charley." "But LAW is LAW !" 
 
 The wind-up will be the appearance of 
 
 A GREAT CHARACTER ! 
 
 ONE OF THE 
 MOST ILLUSTRIOUS SORT! EN PASSANT. 
 
 In order to render the denouement complete and decisive, and 
 the effect interesting- and APPROPRIATE. 
 
 N. B. The trouble of listening to the above Piece will be dis- 
 pensed with, but to see it is a matter of considerable import- 
 ance to the Theatrical World. 
 
 Further Particulars in the Bills of the Day. 
 
 Richardson's mode of discourse and languag-e, owing- to the want 
 of education, was rather peculiar, and he had a host of imitators 
 amongst the actors : for instance " How do you do, Mr. 
 Richardson ?" his answer was, " Pretty well, thank you my 
 every thing- as God's my judg-e, Muster." 
 
 He was a shrewd, calculating man, and well knew how to 
 ( measure ' the t public. He employed the first-rate scene- 
 painters, Messrs. Grieve, and the late Tom Greenwood ; his 
 dresses were equal, if not superior in costliness, to the Theatres 
 Royal. Facts are stubborn thing's. The front of his booth alone 
 cost several hundred pounds. 
 
 A few years since, he felt inclined to g-ive up his theatrical 
 concern ; and employed the celebrated Georg-e Robins, the 
 auctioneer, to dispose of it ; but with all the tact and knowledg-e 
 of the world possessed by this distinguished hero of catalogues, 
 no bidder appeared, and it was bought in. 
 
 Muster Richardson had an idea, at one period of his life, of 
 bringing out a new piece according to his own experience on the 
 subject, under the title of The Fudge Family !' " For," said he, 
 to the person whom he wished to write it from his observations, 
 " no man has had so much to do with the FUDGES in theatrical 
 life, as I have ; I can give a werry good account of them, they 
 are a werry large family." However, nothing more was done 
 towards the production of the piece, than the following bill: 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 115 
 
 THE FUDGE FAMILY ; 
 
 OR, 
 
 ACTORS ON THE ROAD TO FAME ! 
 
 TRAVELLERS see strange Things ! ! ! 
 
 Being an Original, Laughable, Whimsical, Poetical, Numerical, 
 Musical, Mathematical, Farcical, Didatical, Lyrical, Comical, 
 Rhapsodical, Theatrical, Provincical, Mimical, Parodical, 
 Operatical, Analytical, Row-ical, Olympical, (not Piratical,) 
 and not in the least 
 
 TRAGICAL ! 
 
 PERFORMANCE. 
 
 SHOWING "That one man in his time plays many parts!" 
 Also, that "Life's a jest!" To die! to sleep! to die all, 
 to die nobly ! That's your sort ! or, in other words, to make 
 a good EXIT ! The FUDGE FAMILY will, in consequence, 
 put their shoulders to the wheel, 'to make a long pull, a 
 strong pull, and a pull altogether, in order to represent a 
 
 COLLECTION OF INTERESTING SCENES FROM 
 
 NATURE, 
 
 MIXED UP WITH A TINY BIT OF ART ! 
 
 By a well-known FANCY writer, 
 
 ACT-ing up to the liveliest feelings of his IMAGINATION, to 
 put into a tangible shape, something after the manner of an 
 OPERA, BURLETTA, MELO-DRAMA, EXTRAVA- 
 GANZA, BROAD-FARCE, or rather an OLLA-PODRIDA, 
 including a variety of harmonious SNATCHES from the 
 most approved AIRS in the PLAY World, to hold as it were 
 the Mirror, pointing out the advantages of DRESS and 
 ADDRESS, illuminated by those powerful auxiliaries 
 
 The entrance of FUN the attendance of MIRTH the Com- 
 pany of LAUGHTER the force of RIDICULE the 
 touching qualities of PATHOS, to illustrate, captivate, 
 and elicit applause at any rate and the power 
 of EMPHASIS, to bring down the Three 
 Rounders but above all to display an 
 animated 
 
 KNOWLEDGE OF LIFE AND CHARACTER ! 
 PORTRAYING 
 
116 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 The insurmountable difficulties attendant on the Lives of Actors 
 in general, throughout a variety of EXITS and ENTRANCES, 
 INS and OUTS UPS and DOWNS, and changes of the 
 scene to the end of the chapter 
 
 THAT ENDS OUR strange, eventful HISTORY ! 
 
 The FUDGE FAMILY has been written with the laudable 
 attempt to please all parties ; at the same time, the mind's 
 eye has been on the look-out to avoid giving offence to any 
 body ; and in order not to o'erstep the modesty of nature ! 
 
 The representation of the Fudge Family is intended for this 
 
 Night only, 
 
 A SORT OF DRESS REHEARSAL ; 
 
 Without agenerous, enthusiastic, enlightened, liberal, discerning, 
 
 high-minded, and laughter-loving PUBLIC, should most 
 
 spiritedly enter into the TOUCH and GO Sketch of 
 
 "HE WOULD BE A PLAYER!" 
 
 and add their mighty, and all powerful stamp to it of a taking 
 quality, so as to RUN the piece off its Legs, without making 
 
 A CRIPPLE OF IT! 
 
 " Tis a Consummation most devoutly to be wished !" Hem ! 
 SHAKESPEARE. 
 
 After getting over his difficulties he began to realize money 
 very fast, and for several years past he put by large sums of 
 money. He had no family, was rather an abstemious person in 
 his mode of living, industrious to the echo, and very plain in 
 his manners and dress. But his heart lay in the right place ; he 
 was not only alive to a tale of distress, but ready to relieve 
 the object of it. He was a charitable, feeling man, to all 
 intents and purposes ; and numbers have been assisted in the 
 hour of need by his liberality, who, we hope, will cherish his 
 memory with respect. At St. Alban's, when a terrible fire took 
 place, and a subscription was set on foot for the uninsured, 
 he subscribed his hundred pounds, styling himself, "the 
 Showman !" 
 
 Property, in general, is so much exaggerated, that a variety 
 of reports had got into circulation, stating Muster Richardson had 
 died worth between thirty and forty thousand pounds ; but the 
 true statement is that his property altogether did not reach ten 
 thousand pounds, and his theatrical concern, dresses, &c., did 
 not fetch, when sold by auction, one thousand pounds. But 
 when it is taken into consideration, that he was the architect 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 117 
 
 of his own fortune a poor workhouse boy struggling through 
 immense difficulties in a most arduous and precarious line of 
 life, and after rendering great assistance to several other per- 
 sons it must be viewed in the show department, as a large sum 
 of money ! Very few of our greatest actors have died worth 
 so much property ; nay, half that sum. 
 
 The sudden demise of the great showman was rather unex- 
 pected. He had scarcely closed his season for the year at 
 Bartholomew Fair seen all his waggons safely stowed away 
 his dresses carefully covered up in the wardrobe his music 
 collected together and put on the shelf his company of 
 strollers dismissed to their homes and prepared himself to 
 enjoy the comforts of Woodland Cottage, (his residence for 
 upwards of thirty-three years, a neat building, excellently 
 well furnished, and contains some good old paintings.) until the 
 return of Easter Monday should again call him forth to meet 
 his numerous- patrons at Greenwich, when the " Grim King 
 of Terrors," the most terrific spectre he had ever had to deal 
 with, made his appearance 
 
 '' So come along, no more we'll part, 
 
 He said, and touched him with his dart." 
 
 A few minutes before he died (at seven o'clock on the morn- 
 ing of Monday the 14th,) he observed to his female attendant 
 and friend, Mrs. Johnson, " that his mind was quite comfortable 
 he was prepared to die that he had disposed of his property 
 entirely to his satisfaction, and he was quite resigned. " 
 
 Mr. Cross, of the Surrey Zoological Gardens, he appointed 
 one of his executors ; and, according to his wishes, he was 
 buried at Great Marlow, in Buckinghamshire. His remains 
 were conveyed from London in a hearse and four, accompanied 
 by two mourning coaches ; his friends being extremely 
 anxious to pay every respect to his memory. A great num- 
 ber of the inhabitants of Marlow went out to meet the fune- 
 ral procession upwards of a mile from the town ; and his 
 body was carried to and from the church by several of the 
 most respectable inhabitants of Great Marlow. Mr. Johnson 
 rendered every attention to the funeral and grave of his worthy 
 predecessor ! who was upwards of severity years of age. 
 At all events the late Muster Richardson was a great feature 
 with the public; and take him for "all in. all," you may 
 travel a long distance before you find a better man. 
 
 The theatrical concern of the late Muster Richardson has been 
 purchased by Messrs. Johnson and Nelson Lee ; the 'former was 
 in his service for several years ; and he felt so much satisfaction 
 at his integrity, that he remembered him in his will to the 
 amount of five hundred pounds, free of legacy duty : (but all 
 
118 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 his bequests were left free of duty,) and the latter, a person of 
 considerable abilities as an actor, and mariag-er of Sadler's Wells. 
 They will, by their united efforts and experience start well ; and 
 produce an improved state of thing's in the show department. 
 Their wardrobe is entirely new ; with a new stage front, paint- 
 ed by Mr. Marshall of Covent Garden Theatre ; they are 
 determined to spare neither expense nor exertions to merit the 
 support of the public. 
 
 In a sequestered spot, 
 In Great Marlow Church Yard, 
 
 after a long- career, 
 
 Of bustle, incidents, and humour, 
 
 Lie the remains of the late 
 
 MUSTER RICHARDSON! 
 
 The celebrated SHOPMAN! 
 
 He was 
 The HERO of his own TALE, 
 
 and 
 One of the principal 
 
 FUNNIMENTS 
 
 IN ENGLAND, 
 
 For the last Fifty Years : 
 
 It was his 
 RULING PASSION 
 
 To make Mankind laug-h and forg-et their cares ! 
 
 " I knew him well, Horatio ! " 
 
 And, to do him justice, he was the 
 
 FAIR-est of the FAIR ! 
 
 He raised himself from the most wretched obscurity in Life 
 
 to a NOTORIETY in the eyes of the World that 
 
 few Men could hope to obtain ! 
 
 HE ffAS THE GREAT OUT-DOOR FEATURE OF AMUSEMENT! 
 
 and the name of 
 
 RICHARDSON 
 
 appeared like a charm at all the Fairs !, 
 
 He lived by snow-ing- up the Public ! 
 
 He had a great predilection for SOUND, and the GONG did 
 
 great wonders for him by it he made a great Noise 
 
 in the Country ! 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 119 
 
 ALL THE WORLD WAS HIS STAGE! 
 
 And the canopy of Heaven his dome ! 
 
 Entrances and Exits were his delight ! 
 
 PANTOMIMES, DANCES, and MELO-DRAMAS, were his forte ! 
 
 Harlequin, Columbine, and Clown, his " Great Creatures ! " 
 
 And " Walk up ! walk up ! walk up ! 
 " The PLAYERS are here ! " 
 
 were words of the greatest importance 
 
 IN HIS BOOK ! 
 
 But the grim King* of Terrors pounced upon him, with the 
 cue, to say that 
 
 THE SHOW WAS OVER, 
 
 And that MUSTER RICHARDSON 
 
 must 
 
 DROP THE CURTAIN ! 
 
 He bowed content, having* reached the summit of Man's Life 
 
 Three Score and Ten Years 
 
 and his 
 
 LAST ACT 
 
 was, 
 Previous to his grand EXIT, 
 
 that 
 HE DIED IN GOOD HUMOUR 
 
 with 
 ALL MANKIND! 
 
 At Woodland Cottag-e, Monday, Nov. 14, 1836. 
 PEACE TO HIS MANES! 
 
120 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 CHARLES TURF, Esq. : a character upon the town up to every 
 thing with a LINGO of his own yet a man of observation, 
 and a most excellent companion. Jl glance at the Sporting 
 Booth all sorts of folks Nature unadorned Niceties not 
 required Jack as good as his Master Independence of 
 feeling to the echo Looks dangerous, and speech worse 
 the old adage desirable, " To hear much and speak little." 
 A Song for those that like it a curiosity in Literature a 
 scrap for D' ISRAELI. The handsome female with a fine 
 bust Beauty powerful in all companies. The maker of a 
 Book; but no READER. A fig for Literature Authors 
 distanced as to chance, ^ to 4. A figure in rhetoric. The 
 Free and Easy Concert every body welcome WEBER not 
 known, and BISHOP not thought of. Babel to wit, " Jill 
 round my Cap!" " Tommerhoo I " Silence! Silence! 
 Silence ! What a Row ! For shame when a FEMALE 
 WOMAN shews her ivories ! What low remarks ! Vulgar 
 fellows! Keep your jaw to yourself! or else WJtat ? 
 Why! You'll meet with a stop -j aw ! Indeed! How 
 liberal! Enough! Too much. Who' s for Lunnun ? The 
 Costard-monger and his Prod Every man to his calling. 
 Any port in a storm. The dangers of TICKLING ; or, keep 
 your hands to yourself, Ould Chap ! A glance at low life 
 Rum Customers. St. Paul's in sight and the PILGRIMS 
 once more at home. 
 
 " WE cannot quit the Fair while there is any thing- worthy of 
 our sight and observation," observed Makemoney to his brother 
 Pilgrims ; " besides, novelty and a change of scene render our 
 pilgrimage more interesting." 
 
 " Any where you please," replied Flourish : " we look up to 
 you, sir, as our leader, Mentor, guide, &c. ; therefore, make no 
 apology for any place that you take us to visit I am not at all 
 inclined to be particular. No I am for research." 
 
 " Let us see all we can, uncle," said Sprightly ; " we came 
 out for that purpose. I am anxious to become acquainted with 
 life, in all its various grades." 
 
 " You will perceive by the sign (pointing to a painting 
 of two men in the attitude of self-defence), that this booth is 
 connected with the Sporting World ; I do not think our day's 
 pleasure would be complete without we visit it, just to see what 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 121 
 
 is going on, and 1 am almost certain we shall meet with an 
 old friend of mine, CHARLES TURF, Esq. You will be very 
 much pleased with him/' said Makemoney to his nephew ; " his 
 dialogue is quite his own that is to say, it is the peculiar 
 phraseology made use of by that class of society to which he 
 belongs. He is one of the most independent, lively fellows in 
 the kingdom full of point in his remarks, but here and there 
 interspersed with a few slang terms ; yet, nevertheless, he is a 
 man of general knowledge. It is an honor to know him ; and I 
 do not think he has the shadow of a bad trait in his whole 
 composition/' 
 
 " I hope you will meet with him," said his nephew, " as he 
 will not only keep us alive, but put us up to a thing or two." 
 
 " Respecting the properties of a horse," replied Makemoney, 
 " he is eloquent in the extreme, and is well known at Tatter- 
 sail's. His opinion has great weight ; indeed, his soul and body 
 appear to be quite wrapt up in matters of this kind : he is con- 
 sidered a thorough-bred sportsman. Here he is, sure enough, 
 over his cigar, and he sees us " 
 
 " What, my old friend, Jack Makemoney, I am glad to see 
 you give us hold of your flipper" said Turf ; " done all your 
 dirty work, I hear that's your sort ! all right for you, my 
 young 'un (giving a nod to his nephew). Now you have cut 
 trade, I see, you have time to unbend a little ; and above vulgar 
 prejudices, too! That's the time of day, my flower! But I 
 certainly did not expect to have seen you at the sporting-booth 
 I thought you used to be a little particular about being seen 
 in such places." 
 
 " True, when I was in business I always held it incompatible 
 with my character ; but now having retired," answered Make- 
 money, " I do not care who sees me any where. To tell you 
 the truth, Mr. Turf, curiosity induced us to enter ; and also for 
 the decided purpose of meeting with you." 
 
 (< That's right, ould chap," replied Turf ; " the longer we 
 live, you know, the more we ought to learn and your curiosity 
 will be highly gratified ; for there are a number of jolly dogs 
 here, and I will not say there are not some rum customers 
 amongst them, who are not particular as to nicety of lingo ; but 
 if you give no offence, you need not fear being affronted. Plea- 
 sant Jem, the cove here, is wide awake to his own interest, and 
 civility is his motto. He will not stand any nonsense : he looks 
 well after his customers. Only produce the tip, and Dusty Bob 
 is as good to him as my Lord Duke the cash is the test of 
 goodness with Jem he don't understand chalk ; indeed, he has 
 riot got a bit of it in the book PONTIC won't do here." 
 
 " There appears a great many people here : are they all 
 sporting folks, sir ? " asked Flourish. 
 
 " That is more than I can answer for," replied Turf, rather 
 sharply : " through my life you'll excuse me, sir I have always 
 
 R 
 
122 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 made my own game ; and I let other people play their cards as 
 they like : that is to say, in plain English, I never trouble my 
 head with other people's affairs it is too Paul-Pryish for me." 
 
 " That's a little one in for you therefore, be on your guard/' 
 whispered Sprightly to Flourish. 
 
 " Do not think me harsh, sir/' said Turf; "I see you are a 
 stranger, and I am sure my advice will not be thrown away upon 
 you. Novices are likely to get into danger sometimes, from 
 sheer ignorance, when they least expect it ; although, at the 
 same time, they have no intention of giving offence. I am well 
 known here, on the turf, and at most of the sporting places in 
 the kingdom ; and though I publicly say, ' Damn your remarks/ 
 I do not owe a mag in the world ; therefore, I do not care for 
 anybody but that does not apply to you as a stranger ; yet, un- 
 derstand me : there are persons here who do not like to be looked 
 at the stare, or dead-set at them is unwelcome to their feelings 
 they are apt to think you have an unpleasant motive in doing 
 so towards them. It is a strange world we live in, and you 
 ought to have the eyes of Argus to look about you, to steer 
 clear from difficulties." 
 
 " I am quite certain," answered Makemoney, " that my friend 
 Frank will be grateful for your advice ; and I hope you will par- 
 don my curiosity, for both Jem and myself are as much in fault 
 as he has been; but there is a certain curiosity attached to these 
 sort of places, that a person cannot exactly suppress 4 ^ which 
 must plead our excuse ; but under the generalship of Charles 
 Turf, we shall not commit any more errors, although the old 
 proverb does not stand good here," he concluded laughingly, 
 " * that a cat may look at a king !' " 
 
 " May be not, uncle," answered Jem, " but when we are at 
 Rome, we should do as Rome does ! Therefore, we will leave 
 it entirely to Mr. Turf, to point out to us, or say what he thinks 
 proper, for our information ; and I am sure we shall not have to 
 complain of his silence." 
 
 " The tall, genteel looking young man, you see in conversa- 
 tion with pleasant Jem," said Turf, " is the person, called the 
 Phenomenon, in the sporting world a chip of the old block, and 
 never defeated in the P. R. He has won several battles ; by 
 the side of him is the ' Pet of the Fancy/ equally conspicuous as a 
 pugilist ; but as that sort of amusement appears to have had its 
 day with the public, arid is now nearly laid on the shelf, we shall 
 not say any more on that subject. 
 
 " But look to your right, that little natty fellow, as nice and 
 clean as if he had just come out of a band-box, is Bob Driver, 
 the well-known jockey ! That's the boy for the winning post ! 
 He can manage a horse with as much ease as I do a spinning 
 top ! He knows when to make play, and push for the race, 
 with the best of them on the turf on the Derby, and Oak days, 
 and the St. Leger, at Doncaster, he is a great man ! Half a nod 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 123 
 
 from Bob, nay, the slightest wink, to a betting- man, is a point 
 gained, and his head is screwed on the right way. 
 
 " Talk of the Penny Magazine, and the Guide to Knowledge, 
 they are mere waste paper, when compared with Bob's upper 
 works. It is true, that he cannot write a volume, but he can 
 make not only as interesting-, but perhaps, a more valuable 
 BOOK, than any author that you have got in your catalogue. 
 
 " He has not been idle he has made a purse for himself and 
 his name is good for a high figure at the Blunt Magazine, and 
 no questions asked. Bob always proved himself a good calcu- 
 lator, and never let the opportunity, however dazzling it might 
 appear in his favour, put it to the chauce of depriving him of his 
 last sovereign desperate hazards would not do for Bob a 
 palace or a workhouse ! by which good conduct, he has been 
 able to provide against the wind, rain, quarter-day, tax- 
 g:atherers, &c., and all those other disagreeables in life. Be- 
 sides, Bob always ' comes to scale' like a trump. He pays all 
 his bets off hand ; and he is nothing else ' but a right one/ and 
 what I call, an ornament to the sporting circles." 
 
 The discourse was interrupted here, by loud calls of silence ! 
 silence ! for a song, and give us the Highwayman of the Olden 
 Times, Bill. 
 
 " The song, or rather the parody, you are about to hear," said 
 Turf, " is respecting a noted highwayman, who composed it 
 while he was under sentence of death, and sent it, accompanied 
 with an introductory letter,* to the female he cohabited with, 
 
 * " My dearest Peg, 
 
 " Keep this chant (a) as a rummy-nooseness of your inforlunate Bob ! and 
 do not * nap (6) your bib ' for wot can't be helped ! as some folks you know are 
 born to be twisted (c) and others drowned ! I think as how it is much better than 
 any last dying speech, birth, parentage, and all that ere sort of caper but, as to 
 confession, why that you are aware, my Peg, is all my eye and Betty Martin. I 
 always did keep secrets; and as to become a nose, no, no I shan't split now ! 
 
 *' But you know the traps (d) first nippered (e) me; the beaks (/} then lum- 
 bered (g) poor Bob ; the big wigs (/i) knocked him down, which rendered your 
 fancy man of no use to you, Peggy, or any body else ; and the nubbing cldt (z) 
 will finish the innings by changing Unfortunate Bob into a stiff (/c) un ! But let 
 me be ' put to bed' (7) decently, for you know, Peg, I never was a shabby or a 
 mean fellow in my life ; and, therefore, I should like the tie-up of poor Bob to be 
 nothing else but good. I am sure some of my old pals will watch in turns, 
 throughout the darky (m), to prevent the body-snatchers from selling me for an 
 ottamy (n). 
 
 " See this done, and I am quite resigned to my fate. When you receive this 
 scrive (o) the handlhat wrote it will be stiff and motionless my once bold heart 
 as cold as ice- my courage gone and my unbounded love for the * loveliest of 
 mots' (/>), which touches me more than all the rest, silenced for ever. And I, 
 who never flinched from a trap when he tried to deprive me of my liberty, or 
 boldly called out, regardless of the danger, to a coach and four, ' Stop and de- 
 liver! ' will be numbered with the dead. 
 
 " Therefore, keep your weather-eye up, and look out for squalls when your 
 Bob is off the hooks ! Give the kid a kiss, and tell him that the ould chap died 
 game. You'll find some steeven (7) in my reader, if you can't gammon the draper 
 out of any crape to hoist signals of distress. My ogles (r) are like a river ; and 
 
124 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 the night before his execution. The hero of the song 1 , was one 
 of the most daring- fellows that ever existed, a second Jerry 
 Abershaw,* and who set powder, ball, and rope at defiance ; 
 and who was a complete terror to the police officers. 
 
 I, who never shed a tear before in my life have them now streaming down my 
 cheeks. Farewell ! I am off I can sayjio more my chaffer sticks to my mouth. 
 From your doating, but 
 
 " In -fortunate, daring BOB." 
 
 (Notes upon the Note.) a. letter ; 6. To shed tears; c. hanged ; d. officer ; e. 
 hand-cuffed ; /. justices ; g. sent to prison ; h. judges ; i. Jack Ketch ; k. a 
 corpse; 1. buried; m. the night; n. skeleton; o. letter ; p. cyprians j q. money ; 
 r. eyes. 
 
 * The annals of the country do not record a more hardened wretch than Aber- 
 shaw, who was executed at Kennington, about forty years since, for the murder 
 of Price, a police-officer. Being visited the day before his execution by his fa- 
 ther in the New Gaol, he said to the afflicted old man, "Father, what signifies 
 your troubling yourself about me, I am only going to H , to have a game at 
 All Fours with some of my old companions." On the way to execution, near 
 Newington Church, he kicked off his shoes, and threw his hat away. When the 
 halter had been put about his neck, after a horrid imprecation, he said to Little, a 
 fellow-sufferer, " Mind your d d long legs don't dangle against mine, for I in- 
 tend to make an easy journey of it." He not only refused to join in prayer with 
 the clergyman who attended on the occasion, but insulted him with the most 
 gross language, and even attempted to kick at him. On account of the desperate 
 temper of this offender, his legs were bound with a cord before leaving the pri- 
 son. Upon the cap being drawn over his face, he said to the excutioner, " Well, 
 good bye to you. old boy I wish you better luck than I have had !" and then, 
 by an effort of his strength, sprung out of the cart, when the cord confining his 
 legs snapped. As he rode in the cart, he appeared entirely unconcerned had a 
 sprig of myrtle in his mouth, his bosom was thrown open, and he kept up an in- 
 cessant conversation with the persons who rode near the vehicle he was in, fre- 
 quently laughing and nodding to others of his acquaintance whom he perceived in 
 the crowd, which was immense. The prisons in the Metropolis, at the period 
 alluded to, were not subject to the improved and severe state of discipline which 
 is now observed in the whole of them : they were then all noise and uproar, in- 
 stead of the " silent " system ; and a prisoner could live as much at his ease, and 
 enjoy his comforts, as when outside of the jail, provided he had but the money to 
 pay for them. Lockit's ideas in the Beggar's Opera was the mode acted upon 
 " Fetters at any price ! " In consequence of which, Abershaw passed his time 
 in the most agreeable manner during his confinement j and, like Macheath, he 
 was visited by his favorite mistresses drank his wine, and became the hero of 
 the tale. He was a man of gallantry had received an excellent education, and 
 he also held a superior situation in the navy. Neither was he destitute of ta- 
 lent ; he used to relate his numerous robberies on the road, dished up in the 
 style of romances or lively anecdotes ; and laugh heartily at the fright and con- 
 sternation he had frequently put upon the inoffensive passengers, when he bade 
 them " stand and deliver ! " He was quite a feature in the prison ; and nothing 
 scarcely was heard, from one end of it to the other, but the extraordinary feats 
 and adventures of Jerry Abershaw. His undaunted resolution and courage never 
 forsook him ; and, under any circumstances, the slightest particle of fear was 
 never to be discovered in his composition. He was a terror to the officers ; and 
 two years elapsed before he was taken after he shot Price. He always carried 
 pistols about him, and laid them on the table during meals, that he might be pre- 
 pared against any sudden attack. However, he was betrayed by a favorite mis- 
 tress into the hands of the officers of justice : she secured his pistols unperceived 
 by him, then gave the signal, when they rushed upon him, and safely secured 
 him, befoie he was able to make any resistance. Upon the entrance of the officers 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 125 
 
 " The parody is considered a fine specimen of the cant 
 language, which may vary a little from the olden times, when 
 Ben Jonson used to quote it ; but there is something so emphatic 
 and peculiar about the slang, that in more modern times, two of 
 our greatest poets have called it to their aid MOORE, in his 
 'Tom Crib's Memorial to Congress/ and the late LORD BYRON, 
 in his ' Don Juan/ have indulged in such phrases. Likewise the 
 refined author of the ' Last Days of Pompeii/ has not thought 
 it beneath his pen to fill the mouth of his hero Paul Clifford, 
 with the words most in use with thieves ; and the writer of 
 Rookwood, it should seem, thought that several of his characters, 
 without flash songs, might have appeared dull and spiritless ; 
 from no other motives, I suppose, than to claim attention. I have 
 often been surprised/' continued Turf, " to witness the great 
 applause such sort of songs have met with amongst the lower 
 orders ; but there is no accounting for taste." 
 
 Silence silence ! Order order, &c., when the following 
 song was sung, with all the peculiarities which belongs to such 
 a composition : 
 
 THE SLAP-UP HOUNSLOW HIGHWAYMAN. 
 
 Air " The fine Old English Gentleman." 
 
 I'll tip you a prime flash chaunt, made by a good ' old scowf/ (\ ) 
 Of a slap-up Hounslow highwayman, whom all have heard about 5 
 Who kept the ' blunted (2) travelling coves ' all on a sharp look out ; 
 And the ' Prigs' (3), who tried to ' quod ' (4) him, Lor he put 'em to the rout ! 
 Like a slap-up Hounslow Highwayman, 
 One of the Oiden Time ! 
 
 His crib (5) so snug, was hung around with wipes (6), and pops (7), and crows (S); 
 With bess (9) and glims (10), some pr\mejemmys ( 1 1) and slugs (12) for any foes ; 
 All round his squeeze (13) a bird'' s-eye wipe ("14), cord kickseys (15), and high- 
 lows (16) ; 
 Oh, he lush'd (17) his flash of lightning (18), and scorned to be a nose (19). 
 
 Like a, &c. 
 
 In heat or cold, he was as bold, and sung out ' Stand,"* to all ; 
 And though but one score two his years, he'd crack (20) the first swell's hall ; 
 No high pad (21) e'er stood so game when flashed at by pops and ball ; 
 An-1 tho' he prigg j d (22) from all the great, he'd give blunt to the small ! 
 
 Like a, &c- 
 
 But time, tho' prime, is fast in flight, and 'the twelve (23) coves ' blackd his try (24), 
 The beak (25) and topping chit (26) proclaimed the high pad he must die ! 
 His crab shells (27) ne kick'd off like a trump, nor cockles (28) once did cry; 
 And snivling pals stood round the chit, to see him twisted high (29). 
 
 Like a, &c. 
 
 You SWELL MOB this is better far than all your vain parade, 
 Of cly faking (30) at the spells (31), or at the Masquerade! 
 
 he looked for his pistols, but they were gone ; when he said, in an indignant tone, 
 " This treachery, Poll, is the work of your hands, but I'll be revenged." He 
 never saw her afterwards ; in fact, she was afraid to encounter his resentment. 
 Abershaw was afterwards hung in chains on Putney Heath, near to which the 
 memorable dael took place, on a. Sunday, between the late Right Hon. William 
 Pitt and George Tieruey, Esq. 
 
126 THE PILGRIMS OP THE THAMES 
 
 And really much more pleasanter besides you're better paid 
 Then leave smashing (32) and pinching (33) off, and take up the old trade 
 Of a slap-up Kounslow Highwayman, 
 One of the Olden Time.* 
 
 The applause and cheers at the conclusion of the song- continu- 
 ed for a minute, and every exertion was made to procure an en- 
 core ; so highly was it relished by the majority of the visitors in 
 the booth. 
 
 " You rarely meet with, now-a-days, slang- song's," ob- 
 served Turf, ' ' except at fairs, and in booths of this description ; 
 or at free and easy clubs ; but when I was a much younger man, 
 they were very prevalent in companies. However, we are get- 
 ting- more refined in our ideas every day, and every thing that 
 is deemed low and vulgar, is sinking- fast into the shade \" 
 
 " We are highly indebted to you, sir,' replied Jem, " for the 
 animating and pleasing description you have given us of the 
 jockey, and also the highwayman's parody ; but, I hope, you will 
 not take it amiss, if I ask, if you are acquainted with that splen- 
 didly fine looking female, who is sitting at the bottom of the 
 table, at the further end of the booth, in company with a gentle- 
 man, equally well dressed ?" 
 
 " Come, come, Jem/' answered Makemoney, " I had quite 
 enough ; indeed, something- too much of the last lady you were 
 in such raptures about! Quite in the heroics ! Why you appear 
 to be a general lover \" 
 
 " No, no, dear uncle/' said Jem, " quite a different character, 
 I should hope. But to admire one of the greatest beauties in the 
 creation,! trust, will never be reckoned a. fault !" 
 
 "I don't know that," urged Flourish, "a look, sometimes, 
 proves very dangerous ; it too often leads into further enquiries, 
 and you get into a labyrinth, before you know where you are. 
 Handsome women are always dangerous articles to behold ; 
 therefore, as I have told you before, turn your eyes on objects 
 less captivating/' 
 
 " Well observed," replied Turf, e( there is great danger about 
 the look of a fine woman. The person, the young one alludes 
 to, is quite a picture ! She is a character ; and her life quite a 
 history it is worth hearing, Master Makemoney : her memoirs 
 would make a capital book, and without a bit of romance re 
 
 * For the benefit of country gentlemen of modern times, the following glossa.y 
 is added : 
 
 1. Watchman ; 2. Monied men ; 3. Thief-takers ; 4. Jail ; 5. House ; 6. 
 Handkerchiefs; 7. Pistols; 8. Crow-bar; 9 and 10. Small bar and lantern; 
 11. A bar for drawing back bolts ; 12. Shots ; 13. Neck ; 14. Spotted necker- 
 chief; 15. Knee breeches ; 16. Shoes; 17. Drank; 18. Glass of gin : 19. In 
 former j 20. Housebreaking ; 21. Highwayman ; 22. Stole; 23 Jury ; 24. Sen- 
 tenced him to death ; 25. Judge; 26. Gallows; 27. Shoes a common practice 
 in former times, the criminal observing " he would not die like a horse, with his 
 shoes on;" 28. Rattles in the throat ; 29 Hung; 30. Picking pockets ; 31. 
 Theatres j 32. Passing of bad money ; 33. Petty larceny thefts. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 127 
 
 quired to embellish it. What a bust ! Five to one against the 
 whole race of East and West-enders ! And as to her peepers, 
 they are like flashes of lightning there is no standing against 
 them, and they may well be termed the ' windows of the soul." 
 
 She has made sad work amongst the lads ! She is the 
 
 No, never mind ! This is not the time, nor place for it ; but more 
 anon, when we meet again, perhaps/' 
 
 " This is what I call dashing the cup from the lips of a man 
 parched with drought ! " observed Makemoney. " Just as we 
 had made up our minds to obtain secrets worth knowing, 
 respecting the ' handsome female with the fine bust !' the 
 description coldly ends, with ' She is the no, never mind !' 
 This is too bad, Mr. Turf, it reminds me of the breaking off of 
 stories in the magazines, when your feelings are raised to the 
 highest pitch of excitement and you are compelled to wait a 
 month at least, before you have any chance of learning the 
 result and perhaps, then you are again disappointed !" 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! my dear Jack," replied Turf, " your style, I 
 admit, has not displayed much of the heroics ; and you were the 
 last person from w T hom I should have expected a rebuke ; but it 
 seems then, that you are not insensible to the charms of a fine 
 female with a handsome bust. Young or old, I see are just the 
 same, when women are the theme of the argument ! However, 
 as you seem to be all in a blaze about this elegant piece of 
 furniture for the household of a gentleman, when next we meet, 
 you shall know her whole history, and then, you will say, it was 
 worth waiting two months to hear." 
 
 " This is worse and worse, nay, adding fuel to the fire ; and 
 most certainly raising our expectations twice as high; but 
 patience, patience, my dear Makemoney, you are aware is a great 
 virtue, and therefore, we must, in this instance, acquiesce to its 
 dictates ! But out of this heterogenous mixture of persons," 
 said Flourish, " who all appear characters to me is there not one 
 more worthy of description ? There is a singularly looking per- 
 sonage lighting his cigar." 
 
 " I must not touch upon him ! he is suspicious of every body 
 who merely takes a glance at his person he is eying us already 
 by comparison, he is a barrel of gunpowder, and the slightest 
 spark of anger, would make him blow up the whole place in a 
 minute. Therefore, MUM, is a matter not only of prudence, but 
 safety. 
 
 " But there are a number of harmless fanciers of every 
 description. Some of whom, their time is entirely occupied with 
 the breed of superior dogs, and who can talk of nothing else ; 
 others of them, their sole fancy and delight is in the rearing of 
 pigeons, and making matches as to the distance they will fly to a 
 certainty. Cock-fighters are likewise on the qui vive here ; and 
 in short, every thing connected with the sporting world forms 
 the subject of debate and enquiry, at ' pleasant Jem's ' booth. 
 
128 THE PILGRIMS OF THAMES 
 
 " But not the least number are the FANCIERS of the FAIR- 
 SEX ; perhaps, the term, if not so sporting-, is better in effect, to 
 say, ' admirers of females !' and from the show here to night, you 
 may see, Master Makemoney, that BEAUTY is not confined to 
 the courts of king's and princes, we have some ' GOOD GOODS * 
 to look at. Some very pretty wild flowers, and if collected 
 tog-ether, would make a very handsome nosegay. 
 
 " It is true their toggery would not compete with the silks, 
 satins, diamonds, and paint, displayed by the ladies in the upper 
 circles of society ; but for a fine bit of rude, unsophisticated 
 nature well-grown, without the trickery of art, and no d d 
 nonsense this is the time of day, my pippins. When one can 
 with truth, sing : 
 
 *' If FORTUNE, fickle jade, should e'er wish to scourge my name, 
 And what she generously gave, would wish to have again : 
 O that I'll freely grant, and without the least remorse, 
 Only give me what God can grant health, my wife, and horse !" 
 
 (t You are a happy fellow, Charles Turf!" said Makemoney, 
 " full of spirits let the world wag- as it will, I always see you 
 the same. I should like to have a leaf out of your book/' 
 
 " Well, ould chap," said Turf to Makemoney, " I must bid 
 you a good night. You see, my prad is at the door, and on the 
 fret ; therefore, ofTs the word ; but you must come and see me ; 
 my cottage is at Hampton, on the Banks of the Thames, and do 
 not let it be long before I see you, where you will find me 
 happier than a king, I'll bet a hundred ! I will make you com- 
 fortable, depend upon it, and you shall experience what the 
 late Charles Incledon used to chant so finely ' May we ne'er 
 want a friend, nor a bottle to give him !' But before we part, let 
 me give you a word of advice (whispering into his ear). Keep 
 a good look out after the Young One he is high bred and 
 they often prove skittish won't answer the whip run out of 
 the course and kick over the traces : also take care of the col- 
 lectors the artists there are suspicious persons abroad, who 
 might make a mistake, and put their hands into your pockets 
 instead of their own !" 
 
 " What ! a second time in one day ?" replied Makemoney ; 
 <f that would be too much of a good thing they have had their 
 dues from us already but mum \" pointing to Flourish ; " our 
 wrongs, in this respect, we intend to keep to ourselves, and 
 then we shall not be sneered at for fools \" 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! excuse my laughing!" said Turf; " as a rich 
 man, you will not mind your loss, however mortifying it may be 
 to your feelings , but there is a consolation in all things, you 
 can now walk about without any apprehensions of losing any 
 thing. Good night, gents. I shall be happy to see you at my 
 crib." He then mounted his gig and drove off. 
 
 " He is really a choice spirit," observed Jem, " there is some- 
 thing so hearty about his manners, that it is a pleasure to be in 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 129 
 
 company. He appears to me a down-right sincere man, anxious 
 to please his friends, at the same time fond of an adherence to 
 the truth !" 
 
 " Charles Turf is no flatterer/' said Makemoney ; " yet 
 he is not one of those cold, hesitating characters, in be- 
 stowing praise, where the person, or talents displayed before 
 him, have required approbation: I have always found him to be a 
 strait-forward man the same sort of person to morrow, as you 
 find him to-day he does not meet an old friend with a new 
 face ; he is, therefore, a man whose word is to be relied upon, 
 and rather liberal, than otherwise, in his remarks ; but when 
 called upon to give his judgment, he has the firmness upon all 
 occasions to decide with all the coolness of an equity judge. 
 
 " He has no ambition to be thought a better man than he really 
 merits ; and, I must say, take him for ' all in all/ he is one of 
 those upright, cheerful sort of men, not to be met with every 
 day in the walks of society. Therefore, Nephew, there is no 
 harm in your cultivating an acquaintance with him. I am sure 
 we shall be received by him with a most hearty welcome !" 
 
 " We must go, uncle, to Mr. Turf's crtd,'as he calls it/' replied 
 Jem, " or else we shall not hear any more about the 'handsome 
 woman with the fine bust!' and you know we are all very much 
 interested in her memoirs ! I am particularly fond of biography ; 
 more especially, when the biographer is living, and you can 
 depend upon his testimony, being well assured that he does not 
 resort to invention, instead of stating plain facts." 
 
 " I think," urged Flourish, f( we ought to enlist him under 
 our banners as a pilgrim. He would not only be a pleasing 
 addition to our party, but also a great assistance. He is like- 
 wise well acquainted with the movements of the world." 
 
 " We will now think of starting towards home/' said Make- 
 money, " take a peep here and there as we go along into the . 
 different taverns, and, I have been told, we shall hear some good 
 songs, which I am very fond of it will also give us another fea- 
 ture connected with Greenwich Fair, and point out to us that 
 one half of the world does not know how the other half 
 lives !" 
 
 * c An excellent proposition/' replied Jem, "and I have no 
 doubt, but that we shall meet with plenty of merriment and 
 fun." 
 
 The Pilgrims had not proceeded far from the fair, on their 
 road towards London, when they were attracted by the voices 
 of some persons singing, or rather attempting, a glee. " This is 
 the place," said Makemoney, quite full of spirit, " let us go up 
 stairs and see what it looks like. It is all free and easy every 
 body welcome, and no questions asked/' 
 
 On entering they found the room was filled with company of 
 the most heterogenous mixture of persons, consisting of 'prentice 
 
 3 
 
130 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 boys, shop girls, journeymen mechanics, watermen, clerks, shop- 
 men, milliners, straw bonnet makers, &c. &c. A glorious scene 
 of confusion the room clouded with smoke people calling out 
 for liquor, and knocking the pots against the tables to claim 
 attention from the waiters ! Several persons who were anxious 
 to hear singing, were bawling out " Silence ! silence ! Order !" 
 indeed, it was more like the confusion of Babel than any thing like 
 a rational company, who had congregated together to amuse one 
 another. The waiters were seen fighting their way through a 
 dense crowd of persons, who standing up, were not inclined to 
 move an inch, and also spilling the porter and ale over the dresses 
 of the females. 
 
 Songs without tunes words without music rhyme out of 
 question, and not very particular as to the exact sense of the 
 author. Sentiment being bawled out on one side of the room, 
 and comic songs on the other at the upper end of it a blind 
 fidler teasing the cat-gut, in order to pick up a few half-pence ; 
 nevertheless, the company all appeared to be happy and merry, 
 and not at all inconvenienced by the confusion of the room. 
 After several attempts were made to procure attention, something 
 like silence was obtained, by the repeated cries of " Attention 
 Silence for a lady !" A very nicely dressed female, after making 
 a few hems, and apologies to her friends, on account of her bad 
 voice, sang the following parody : 
 
 All round my cap I vears a green villow, 
 
 All round my cap for a twelvemonth and a day, 
 If any one should ax the reason vy I vears it, 
 
 Tell them that my false lover is far, far avay. 
 
 'Twas a going of my rounds in the streets I first did meet him, 
 Oh ! I thought he vos a Cupid just come down from the sky 
 
 Very little more was heard of this song, from the noise and 
 buzz around her, but more especially from the rough and hoarse 
 voice of a costard-monger, roaring " What use is that 'ere chant, 
 JEM, you give 'em one that will set 'em all in a blaze, you know 
 what I means TOMMARROO !" when he began : 
 
 Ben was a hackney coachman rare, 
 
 " Jarvy, jarvy !" " Here am I, your honour !" 
 O crikey ! how he used to swear- 
 Tom marroo ! 
 
 Oh, how he swore whilst he did drive, 
 Numher three hundred and sixty five! 
 
 Rum turn tiddle iddle, I gee wo ! 
 Rum turn, tiddle iddle, I gee wo ! 
 | 
 
 Now Benny was a knowing cove, 
 
 Rumti tumti, dum dumdi, diddle urn, 
 But swore and flogged so whilst he drove 
 Tommarroo ! 
 
 The room now resounded with the hoarse voices of a set of 
 fellows trying to have a ' lark,' the female who had sung part of 
 

IN SEARCH 'OF THE NATIONAL. 131 
 
 the song", was in tears, andjierjpartizans were determined to resent 
 the insult she had received ; but all the explanation they could 
 get was ' Tommarroo ! Tommarroo !' like the yells of an 
 Indian war-whoop, bawled into their ears. This produced a 
 skirmish a row nay, almost a general fight, when Makemoney, 
 and his brother Pilgrims, who felt it dangerous to be safe, made 
 for the stairs, and by a quick exit got into the street. 
 
 " We made a lucky escape," said Makemoney, "the blows 
 were as thick as hail near my person ; however,! did not receive 
 any of them," 
 
 " Yes, a miss is as good as a mile !" said Jem, " I was very 
 near getting a jaw-breaker from one of those blackguards $ who 
 appeared bessotted with liquor !" 
 
 " I hope, I shall not have a black eye," remarked Flourish, 
 " but for the instant my head appeared as if it had been knocked 
 off my shoulders, the blow was so extremely violent/* 
 
 They had scarcely got into the street when they experienced 
 the rain slightly coming down : a fellow belonging to a covered 
 cart thus addressed them : " Don't your honours want a con- 
 weyance to London ? If you do, I can tell you, at this late hour, 
 mine is the only wehicle left ; and as I wish to make up my 
 number only a bob a piece ; but you must as how decide di- 
 rectly, as the chovies are coming down in rum style, and then you 
 see I shall charge twice as much. Therefore, a stitch in time 
 saves nine, my masters. My prad is nothing else but a safe 
 and good 'un ; he vill do his vork, and never refuses ; but he 
 has given me a bit of a nint, that he is tired and vishes 
 to get his night cap on. 1 can understand him, and for once in 
 the vay, I should like to oblige Old Jack, that is the reason, or 
 else, I should charge not a far den less than half-a-bull. So 
 tumble up, my masters, and make yourselves happy, you will 
 mix with & jolly company. I vishes to be off! To-morrow is a 
 new day, and the blunt being rather shy I must come out to 
 look for it. Poor Jack, and his master, can't go without grub. 
 I does not take any riff-raff, or else my cart might have been 
 full fifty times over. No, no, I am rather a particularish sort of 
 chap in my customers ! So we'll be on the toddle " 
 
 " Any port in a storm," said Flourish, " but will you start 
 directly?" 
 
 " In a pig's whisper," replied the driver, " only make the 
 visit pleasant to the female folks. I have just got my number 
 now with you three swells." 
 
 It was a covered cart a dark night and Makemoney and his 
 brother Pilgrims did not observe the class of persons they were 
 about to mix with more women and girls than men ; and the 
 former, it should seem, were not of the most honest or chaste 
 description : but the rain coming down in torrents, they were 
 glad to obtain any thing like a shelter at that late hour of the 
 night. However, they had not proceeded far, when one of the 
 
132 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 girls, a low-life hussey, said to Makemoney, in a slang- tone of 
 voice, " I wish you would keep your hands to yourself, ould 
 fellow you are making- rather more free than welcome." 
 
 " What do you mean by that assertion, you impudent minx ? " 
 replied Makemoney, in a rage ; " I have not moved a finger or 
 thumb since I have been in the cart ; but, if I am not mistaken, 
 I felt your hands about my pockets." 
 
 " Get out, you nasty old warment ; if you say I wanted to 
 pick your pockets, you'll say any thing. I dare to say you 
 havn't got a tanner (sixpence) to bless yourself with, now you 
 have tipped for the tumbler (cart). I am not going to be bounced 
 out of my senses, and have my character injured, by such an 
 ould cove. You had much better have been in your bed, if you 
 have got such a bit of household furniture, than taking liberties 
 with young girls." 
 
 " Come, 1 say, ould chap, behave decentish, or else I must 
 valk you out of my wehicle in quick time," said the carman ; 
 " these female vomen here, who are under my protection, though 
 poor, are the right sort of folks wot won't stand any nonsense. 
 But, I say, Nance Grizzle, you must excuse the ould cheese- 
 monger ! he seems a little fresh-ish the vorse for lush and 
 ould men sometimes are a little foolish, and more humorous than 
 wot becomes them." 
 
 Sprightly, in an angry tone, observed to the driver, " What 
 do you mean by calling the gentleman a cheesemonger ? " 
 
 *' He is a cheesemonger," replied the costardmonger, " and a 
 rich one too ! I knows him werry well his name is Butterfirkin, 
 of Puddle Dock ! Lord bless you, Pve bought many a slice of 
 cheese of him in my time ! He's out on a bit of a lark ; but he 
 shouldn't pull the girls about ould men sometimes will be 
 
 " I'd have you be on your guard, Mr. Carman," said Flourish ; 
 " the gentleman you call a cheesemonger is a Magistrate of the 
 City of London ; and if you don't mind your behaviour, you will 
 stand a very good chance of being committed to jail for your 
 insolence. We got up into your cart to avoid the rain, and we 
 will not be insulted either by man or woman ; therefore, I would 
 advise you to let civility be your motto." 
 
 This remark from Flourish rather altered the conduct of the 
 driver, who said to himself, " I must draw it mild ; and I shall 
 give Nance a bit of a hint." Then appearing rather angry, 
 " Come, Nance Grizzle, it won't do as how for you to play your 
 tricks in my wehicle, and injure my bread. You wanted to 
 frisk the ould chap the gem man 1 mean I begs his pardon 
 so the boot is on the other leg ; and if you tries it on any more 
 out you bundle, and no mistake. Every body is safe under my 
 roof ; so g-emmen swells you need not be afraid." 
 
 " Vy, you blink-eyed buffer you Jem Sneak," answered the 
 girl ; ' you can turn any vny with the vind. But I don't care a 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 133 
 
 pinch of snuff (snapping- her fingers at him) for you, or any one 
 half like you. My money is as good as the King's, and I will 
 tell you, Mr. Sneak, a bit of my mind ; if every body had their 
 own I don't know where you'd be, so put that into your pipe 
 and smoke it. You think you'll be able to gammon the swells 
 out of a little more tip ; but I'll spoil you, my fine feller, that's 
 wot I vill it shall be no go after all. I likes people to be up- 
 right and down strait no half-and-half coves for Nance 
 Grizzle ! " 
 
 " Now don't you be too imperent, Nance," said Jem Sneak ; 
 " that tongue of yours is rather too big for your mouth, and will 
 be your downfall in life. I doesn't vant to quarrel with you, but 
 you are too fast you might be mistaken, you know. He is a 
 gentleman, and I'm sure he would not take any liberties he is 
 the father of twelve children a regular church-going man. I 
 tells you, Nance Grizzle, you was mistaken ; so drop it, and 
 make it all right, and I'll stand a drap of summut at the next 
 house, as I must give old Jack some heavy whet." 
 
 " What, does your horse drink porter ? " asked Flourish. 
 
 " Drink porter ! I believe you, when he can get it," replied 
 Sneak. " Only you hand Jack over a tankard, and you'll soon 
 see how soon he will take the lining out of it." 
 
 " This is out of the frying-pan into the fire /'said Makemoney, 
 in a whisper to Flourish ; " but no matter it is a sketch of real 
 life amongst a certain class of society, and it only adds another 
 event to our day's pilgrimage. We have only to keep our tem- 
 pers down, and all will yet go pleasant ; but I never heard 
 that I had twelve children before." 
 
 " That circumstance," replied Flourish, " is best known to 
 yourself ; " and, as you are not before the churchwardens and 
 overseers of the parish to defend the charge, let it rest for the 
 present." 
 
 " I knows as how I am a tiny bit of a passionate nature," re- 
 plied Nance Grizzle ; " and as you say the Swell meant no harm, 
 and it was a mistake altogether, I will drop it ; and I doesn't 
 mind, for once in a vay, just to make all things agreeable I vill 
 be a ke-varten of Peppermint to mix with the Jacky. I likes 
 to do the thing wot is handsome ! Nance has been in tow with 
 the swells before to-night." 
 
 Peace was at length restored, and all was fun and laughter ; 
 with bits of songs from one and the other of the assemblage in 
 the cart, until the vehicle discharged its contents at London 
 Bridge : the PILGRIMS then called a coach, and St. Paul's had 
 just struck four when the knocker's rattling peal announced 
 their return at the domus of old Makemoney. Flourish kept 
 his secret respecting the Duchess and her daughters within his 
 own bosom, as he wished to have a little private pilgrimage to 
 himself the first convenient opportunity ; and Makemoney and 
 his Nephew let not a sentence drop from them respecting their 
 
134 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 being" robbed at the gate to prevent lots of jokes from their 
 friends, instead of pity. 
 
 " Come/' said Makemoney, " we'll have a glass of grog- tog-e- 
 ther before we go to bed ; and take a slight review of our day's 
 pilgrimage." 
 
 " With all my heart/' replied Flourish, " as I may laugh now, 
 I hope, without offence ; but I was sadly afraid we should have 
 had rather a serious row, on your account, with Nance Griz- 
 zle. It was too bad of you, Makemoney, to tickle the girl in 
 the dark." 
 
 " Why, I must confess/' answered Sprightly, " I did not like 
 the appearance of things at one time ; and it might have been 
 unpleasant, particularly to my uncle, to have made our appear- 
 ance before the Greenwich Magistrates as disorderlies. A row 
 and a fight almost appeared inevitable." 
 
 " Well, Flourish, you have a right to your joke if you think 
 proper," said Makemoney, " but I am now satisfied she was 
 nothing else but a female pickpocket ; and, for fear of detection, 
 she began to cry out first. I pledge my honor I never touched 
 the hem of her garment. However, we will drink success to 
 our next pilgrimage." 
 
 " Never mind, uncle/' answered Sprightly, " all's well that 
 ends well ; and perhaps we may have the laugh next time 
 against Flourish." 
 
 " Be that as it may," observed Makemoney, " our pilgrimage 
 has strongly reminded me of the words of Sterne : ' 'Tisthou, 
 Liberty thrice sweet and gracious goddess whom all in pub- 
 lic, or in private, worship whose taste is grateful, and ever will 
 be so till NATURE herself can change. No tint of words can 
 spot thy snowy mantle, nor chemic power turn thy sceptre into 
 iron. With thee to smile upon him, as he eats his crust, the 
 swain is more happy than his monarch, from whose courts 
 thou art exiled ! ' I believe so, if I may judge from what 
 I have seen to-day," urged Makemoney; " and if v the 
 pleasure and enjoyment of real liberty are to be witnessed, I as- 
 sert, without the fear of contradiction, that it is on the BANKS 
 OF THE THAMES. How say you both ? 
 
 " Agreed ! " said Flourish. 
 
 " Agreed ! " echoed Sprightly. 
 
 BON REPOS ! 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 135 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 A few preparatory words on Authorship shewing that it is 
 more advantageous to have NATURE for a guide than trust 
 to the imagination ; and giving the preference to mix with 
 society in general, than cogitating in the closet, if charac- 
 ters and real life are to be truly depicted. Be it so : 
 where shall we go ? above or below bridge The question 
 at issue Difficult to decide ; both situations attractive to 
 the echo. An invitation to TURF'S cottage puts an end to 
 the argument. MAKEMONEY'S recollections of former days 
 respecting the Banks of the Thames Dress and manner 
 of the people an immense change for the better. Mill- 
 bank ; to wit An extraordinary character of the olden 
 times a t'lief and a honest man in the same person ; com- 
 pletely illustrating Pope's maxim, that " the proper study 
 of mankind is man." Curious definition of Champagne, 
 versus Ale, by one of the Pilgrims a matter of taste. 
 Outlines of a Race Course a study, perhaps worthy of 
 contemplating by persons who seek after pleasure. Flats 
 and Sharps Fools and Deep Ones Peers and Tradesmen 
 all in motion. THIMBLES applied to a very different 
 purpose from their original intention. The Magical 
 Garter, and the Gilded Pill ; or, how to twist an Argu- 
 ment. A head without brains ; or, a sketch of a thoughtless 
 fellow a tale for inexperienced young men. The long 
 wished-for anecdotes related by TURF The Match-Girl; 
 or, the Woman with the fine Bust. A peep in the mirror 
 * wretchedness and beggary personified The transform- 
 ation WTiat can't gold do ! 
 
 IT is said that after " a storm comes a calm ; that pleasure is 
 frequently accompanied with pain ; and the fatigues of a journey 
 take some little time before the traveller is enabled to set out 
 again in pursuit of fresh objects/ Granted : and although our 
 PILGRIMS were not called upon to perform penance, or com- 
 pelled to put peas into their shoes, by way of punishment for 
 their misdeeds in life, like the Pilgrims of olden times, yet, it 
 should seem, they required some indulgence to recruit their 
 strength, in order again to start forward, like " giants refreshed/' 
 in search of adventures connected with " flood and field." 
 
 Authors, in general such as the writers of romance, tales of 
 love, or novels of domestic life sit themselves comfortably down 
 in their closets, with a good fire before them a library full of 
 
136 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 books, to give them a helping hand if at a loss for a subject ; or 
 perhaps some intelligent friend or acquaintance may give an ac- 
 cidental call, and render assistance to the author, should he be 
 perplexed towards elucidating some knotty point, or clearing up 
 doubts and fears : but we, on the contrary, have nothing a cut " 
 and " dried" for our pages, and until our three Pilgrims again 
 sally forth, under the canopy of heaven, to endure the rude blast, 
 the pitiless, pelting showers, or perhaps be almost choked and 
 smothered with dust, if they depart from their previous mode of 
 peregrination that is to say, if they do not embark on board of 
 steamers, and prefer putting into harness their Bucephalus, and 
 get over the ground in a cab or stage-coach our labours are 
 positively at a stand still ! 
 
 This, as a matter of course, must operate as a drawback to our 
 proceedings, and likewise create delays ; but then the advan- 
 tages of FACTS are immediately seen, and the loss of time made 
 up by the originality of circumstances presented to the view of 
 the reader. 
 
 STILL LIFE is quite a different thing altogether. An author 
 may possess a fine and bold imagination, with a lively, vigorous 
 conception, like the sculptor, who, in his mind's eye, sees the 
 beautiful figure and drapery in the rough, huge block of stone ; 
 and he may also conjure up spirits, "red, black, and grey," to 
 answer his purpose, in order to produce a highly spirited inter- 
 esting work. Be it so : but then he is likely to " o'erstep the 
 modesty of nature." He may, likewise, to give greater effect 
 to his ebullitions of fancy, strain the point, outrage probability, 
 and be in danger of exhibiting the ridiculous ! 
 
 But, on the contrary, when the author only takes NATURE 
 for his guide, he treads on sure ground he cannot err. His 
 prospects are delightful his FACTS are strong and conspicuous, 
 as to speak for themselves : his mind is also free his subjects 
 are not distorted ; and the opportunity also presents itself, " no- 
 thing- to extenuate, or set down aught in malice." CONSIDER- 
 ATION is, therefore, out of the question : he is not lost in thought, 
 and waiting, as it were, for his ideas to flow spontaneously. 
 
 No ! he has to keep his observations alive real life for his 
 pen men and women on the pave with all their light and 
 shade of character, dress, manners, and conversation, from the 
 late ponderous Daniel Lambert down to the " Living Skeleton." 
 
 For instance let the artist make a sketch from fancy, and as 
 a picture it may be viewed as a pleasing, pretty, nay, an ex- 
 quisite performance, and bear the strictest investigation as a work 
 of art. But when the draftsman takes out his pencil on the top 
 of a mountain, and is about to depict the splendid scene before 
 him, he then grapples with reality ! he has the substance and 
 not the shadow to pourtray : his MIND becomes enlarged : the 
 vast expanse almost creates giant-like ideas : his feelings are all 
 alive to the inviting prospect the peculiar situation of a tree 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 137 
 
 the peeping* out, as it were, of some venerable ruin an old 
 church upon a hill a slight dash of water with a ship in the 
 distance, and surrounded by lofty hills places all these subjects 
 in so conspicuous a form for his pencil, that the finest imagina- 
 tion in the world must be as snow before the sun, w^hen put in 
 competition with the BEAUTIES OF NATURE ! 
 
 Just so, the AUTHOR who has his facts to work upon, which 
 enables him not only to write with spirit, but for a time his 
 inventive faculties are set at rest, the good or bad man is within 
 his view, he hears the one talk., and he sees the other act ; and 
 marks down both their conduct ; and perhaps, he may be 
 surrounded with characters of every description, either eminent 
 in society for their superior talents, or notorious for their improper 
 and suspicious demeanour: his tale is then likely to become 
 interesting, in a greater or less degree ; singularity may attach 
 to his descriptions, but probability is not in danger of being lost 
 sight of because he has data for his argument, and the author 
 appears rather more in the character of an historian than any 
 thing else, noting down with clearness and perspicuity the time 
 and place where such circumstances have occurred ; and can re- 
 late his tale with all the glowing animation of truth. 
 
 Not so the writer of romance. The reader is taken through 
 long corridors down trap doors- he sees the shade of some 
 hero in armour, with his vizor up he finds himself in a lonely 
 vault overwhelmed with strange noises, and petrified with fear 
 alarmed by the sound of some dreadful bell is surrounded 
 by ghosts, hobgoblins, grinning spectres, and the whole et 
 cetera of the phantasmagoric fraternity, like the incantation scene 
 in Der Freischutz, which too often fill weak minds with nervous 
 terror, and employs much time, without adding to the stock of 
 knowledge ; while a work which has facts, and every day cir- 
 cumstances for its basis, increase by example our stock of common 
 sense, and adds to our knowledge of the world. Such must be 
 ever acknowledged the great advantages resulting from the 
 works of nature the society of mankind over the imagination 
 of the highest, comprehensive, and most splendid descriptions. 
 
 SHAKESPEARE has put into the mouth of lago the following 
 words : "I'm nothing, if not critical!" the words likewise 
 apply with as much force to character in a review of human 
 nature ! Authors and artists must fail in their representations of 
 men and manners if they are riot critically correct as to outline, 
 and almost verbatim in their detail, if they feel anxious to give 
 effect to the various personages which come under their 
 observation. 
 
 HOGARTH, in some of the most disgusting scenes which occur 
 in life, by the fidelity of his pencil, has rendered them of the 
 most interesting description to mankind ; not only as a mark of 
 abhorrence to be avoided, but also as a useful lesson to the 
 young and thoughtless ; and SMOLLETT, in his admirable 
 
 T 
 
138 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 sketches of different persons, in his various novels, would 
 never have been able to produce that strong- effect upon the 
 mind of his readers, if he had minced the matter ; and instead 
 of portraying- the reality of the thing-, mig-ht otherwise have 
 rendered it mawkish, and totally unlike what it should be. 
 
 True, some persons may be inclined to quarrel with the broad 
 humour displayed by that inimitable novelist, whose every pag-e 
 abounds with real facts of truth and human nature ; which may 
 be looked for in vain amidst the voluminous writers of the pre- 
 sent day. 
 
 However, we are most anxious to state, that obscenity oug-ht 
 to be avoided in all instances it may be done without it oug-ht 
 to be done without and authors are highly culpable who re- 
 sort to offensive terms of expression 
 
 " Immodest words admit of no defence !" 
 
 But, nevertheless, effective humour, and perfectly in unison with 
 the character which is represented, oug-ht never to be marred, 
 or reduced in strength, by anything- like far-fetched squeamish- 
 ness, or an attempt to be cautious over much. There are per- 
 sons to be met with daily among-st the mass of mankind, who 
 have no value for etiquette who study no rules have no choice 
 of words no check upon their conversation, or demeanour that 
 their sort of dialog-ue may be found fault with by the well-bred 
 and intellectual part of society, is not to be doubted ; but surely, 
 the author who is called upon to communicate with his pen, in 
 an artist-like manner, sentences that he has nothing- to do with 
 personally, may retort, in the phraseolog-y of the Queen to 
 Hamlet " Those words are not mine !" 
 
 In the upper House of Parliament, dignity of expression 
 g-entlemanly demeanour and the greatest urbanity prevails 
 throug-hout the arguments establishing- a hig-h character for its 
 elevated situation in the eyes of the public. 
 
 In the House of Commons quite a different character is to be 
 witnessed energy of declamation violent harang-ues and fine 
 examples of public spirit. Choice of words are not the desider- 
 atum in this splendid assembly of the wit and talents of the 
 country. 
 
 A mob has also its character and the laug-hable, rude, yet 
 witty sayirig-s, which so often occur in crowds, are worthy of 
 record ! Just so, a fair, where all ranks of people congreg-ate 
 tog-ether, to meet with amusement in a variety of shapes, sustains 
 a character totally different from any other public meeting 1 . 
 
 Character is our decided object an adherence to truth and 
 nature our constant aim and let us ask of what value is our des- 
 cription, if we do not relate faithfully the dialog-ue and manners 
 of all classes ? 
 
 During- the period which occurred previous to the Pilgrims 
 being- prepared to start a second time, Flourish had made up his 
 mind more than once, to have g-one privately into the neighbour- 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 139 
 
 hood where the card represented the Duchess to have dwelt, to 
 have ascertained the reality of her situation in life indeed, lie 
 was quite feverish on the subject ; but some circumstance or 
 another interfered to thwart his inclination, and he was compell- 
 ed to postpone his journey until a more favourable opportunity 
 presented itself. 
 
 Makemoney and Sprightly were equally close on the circum- 
 stance of their being- robbed in the Park. Thus matters stood on 
 the eve of their departure. 
 
 " I should like/' observed Flourish, " if it meets with your 
 approbation, to have a turn up the river this time ; but, perhaps, 
 I had better put it to the vote ; and then whatever may occur 
 during- the Pilgrimage fault cannot be found with each other/' 
 
 " Very fairly proposed/' replied Makemoney, " I am for a 
 trip up the river." 
 
 <( And so am I," responded Sprightly, " therefore the propo- 
 sition has been received, as it ought to be unanimously. It 
 matters not to me whether I go up, or down the river the 
 banks of the Thames have so many delightful attractions, that I 
 have no particular choice, being determined to make myself quite 
 at home upon any spot; and all happiness, whether I travel by a 
 stage, an omnibus, or any other vehicle, so that we alight on the 
 banks of the Thames !" ' 
 
 " Your declaration pleases me, nephew/' answered Make- 
 money ; " at Turfs cottage, a day or two may be passed in the 
 most agreeable manner ; in the first place, his conversation, 
 anecdotes, and knowledge of life, must afford us a fund of 
 amusement ; independant of strolls on the banks of the Thames 
 connected with his residence. Pll not even hint at the female 
 with the fine bust, as any excitement, or cause of attraction." 
 
 " You are quite right, Makemoney," replied Flourish, " that 
 subject might be a dangerous one, and likely to do mischief ; 
 I would not answer for the consequences when Sprightly be- 
 comes wholly acquainted with her memoirs. Ha ! ha ! ha !" 
 
 " I will make no rash promises/' answered Sprightly ; " I am 
 but a man, and very young in the field ; therefore, I will let 
 time and circumstances speak for themselves. I am not invul- 
 nerable ! But rest assured, my friends, I do not second the pro- 
 position of a turn up the river on that account ; yet, to tell the 
 truth, I most certainly should like to spend a few hours in the 
 company of Charles Turf, Esq. Besides, he is a sporting charac- 
 ter ; and it is the time of year for the Hampton Races, held upon 
 the inviting downs of Moulsey Hurst. The races are not only 
 well-attended by the public in general, but by persons of the 
 highest rank and fashion ; and characters of the greatest noto- 
 riety in the kingdom are seen unbending at them !" 
 
 " True/' replied Makemoney, " the spot of ground you have 
 mentioned is delightfully connected with the subject of a most 
 interesting nature Garrick's Villa! The Palace at Hampton 
 
140 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 Court! Pope's residence at Twickenham! independent of 
 other attractions !" 
 
 "But, my dear sir/' observed Flourish, in great extacy, " why 
 leave out that unparalleled spot for romantic scenery in the 
 world Richmond Hill? Also, Bushy Park, once the retreat of 
 the late Mrs. Jordan, whose presence g-ave it an additional 
 importance and weight in society ? Then I again propose up the 
 river it will be a new feature for us, and the contrast will be 
 attractive in the extreme." 
 
 The arrival of the following- letter, put an end to the arg-u- 
 ment respecting- above or below bridge : 
 
 Turf Cottage, Banks of the Thames. 
 " MY DEAR MAKEMONEY, 
 
 " There is a kind of charm in the very sound of 
 
 your name, which must always prove an attraction to those persons who are 
 inclined to write to you. And if I felt inclined to pun on it, I should say the in- 
 vitation I am about to give you, is to a place, where you are very likely to lose 
 money ! But as you have no touch about you of a sporting character, there is little 
 danger to be apprehended on that point. 
 
 " However, there is no time to lose, if you wish to enjoy a day or two's pleasure 
 at Hampton Races the Course is delightfully situated, and the company in 
 general of the best sort in society, 
 
 "Lots of amusement, I have no doubt, will be afforded to you, my dear Friend, 
 more especially, as I have heard you state, you never saw a race in your life. 
 Therefore, as you are quite a novice in those matters altogether, you may put your- 
 self under my care without the least hesitation ; at all events, I will not lead you 
 into any thing like danger ; but point out to you those places, and those characters 
 which will be well worthy of your observation. 
 
 " Tell your young friends, Flourish, and Sprightly, it is not a 100 to 1, that 
 they do not meet with the handsome female, they were so much in raptures with 
 at Greenwich, as the lady in question is very fond of sporting her fine figure at 
 races in general. 
 
 " I will be in waiting with a carnage for you at Kew Bridge till then, 
 
 " My dear Friend, 
 
 " I remain your's truly, 
 
 "P. MAKEMONEY, ESQ." "CHARLES TURF." 
 
 "This invitation, I believe," said Makemoney, "will meet 
 with the approbation of all parties ; and we have nothing- to do 
 but prepare ourselves for another trip by steam." 
 
 The Pilgrims were once more afloat, on the qui vive in search 
 of fresh adventures, and ready for any circumstance, or object, 
 which might attract their attention. The steamer was nothing- 
 like so crowded as when the holiday folks were all anxiety for 
 Greenwich ; but, nevertheless, there was no lack of passeng-ers, 
 who were rather of a more genteel description than those who 
 had honoured the Greenwich steamer with their presence. The 
 band started them with a favourite air the weather was all 
 that could be wished and the Thames was inviting- in the 
 extreme. 
 
 Flourish made a hasty tour of the deck, paid a visit to the 
 saloon, and also took a peep into the second cabin, to ascertain 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 141 
 
 if any of the characters were by chance on board, that called 
 forth his attention on the last Pilgrimage. 
 
 On his quick return to Sprightly, he observed, " Bronze is 
 not here at all events ; therefore, his absence is a treat. The 
 Picturesque Doleful most likely is dancing attendance at the 
 elbow of some coroner, waiting for an accidental job no annoy- 
 ance from Scapegrace and the fascinating Duchess and her two 
 agreeable daughters are not to be found. Therefore, we must put 
 up, as the sportsmen have it fresh game ; or, birds of another 
 feather I" 
 
 " I am glad of it," replied Sprightly, " very glad variety is 
 charming : but should no objects in the shape of characters, or 
 persons of an interesting, or outre description claim our notice, 
 why then we must look out for all the improvements on both 
 sides of the river : until something more lively presents itself to 
 our view." 
 
 " With all my heart," answered Makemoney, " we must 
 occupy our minds with something ; St. Paul's cannot call forth 
 any new remarks ; and Blackfriars Bridge has nothing to recom- 
 mend one word in its favour ; but I cannot pass the Temple 
 Gardens, without observing how many pleasant hours I have 
 spent in them of an evening, after the fatigues of business were 
 over. This liberality of the Benchers, in allowing the public the 
 free use of them for several months in the year, does them great 
 credit. The Temple Gardens also bring to my recollection a 
 young friend of mine, when I was quite a youth, who afterwards 
 made his way in life, by his splendid talents, and superior mind 
 Counsellor Browbeatem ! He was called to the bar very early 
 in his career ; and ultimately, arrived at the judgment seat. 
 He was the best counsellor to cross-examine any witness, that 1 
 ever heard in my life , indeed, he was so much dreaded by some 
 persons, who feared to encounter his searching remarks, that a 
 Major in the Army observed, that he would almost sooner 
 face a whole fire of artillery, than come under his lash in 
 a court of ustice ; if it suited Counsellor Browbeatem's purpose, 
 he would ( hunt-up ' a witness, as he termed it, and make that 
 witness recollect the whole circumstances of his life good, bad, 
 or indifferent, if it were essential to the Counsellor's obtaining 
 a verdict, 
 
 " Browbeatem always contended for victory, either to clear a 
 prisoner of the accusations brought against him, or on the con- 
 trary, to prove his guilt, according to his brief. He was severity 
 itself; and quite in earnest with every cause that he undertook, 
 either for the plaintiff, or defendant. He has often told me, in 
 private, that he has saved many a rogue from the gallows, who 
 ought to have expiated his offences upon it. ' But they were my 
 clients/ said he, ' and I was paid to do the best for them that I 
 could.' He used to boast, over his cups, that he stood so well 
 
142 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 with eleven of the judges, that he always claimed the greatest 
 attention from them ; but the frown of the twelfth, notwithstand- 
 ing- the Counsellor's bronze, and readiness of reply, used, at 
 times, almost to unnerve him. 
 
 " Counsellor Browbeatem, I must confess, never appeared 
 to me, half so much ' at home/ as he did at the Old Bailey ; 
 although he could make a good speech, on any subject, in the 
 other courts. 
 
 " He was termed the * blowing up ' Counsellor, amongst the 
 vulgar part, of society, and in the early part of his life, he had 
 visited all the haunts and night houses of the thieves, in order to 
 make himself a complete master of the cant languages, and 
 slang terms, ihut he might have been called a second" Grose. 
 By which means he obtained a clearer insight as to their trans- 
 actions and feeling's, and he often astonished some of the most 
 experienced thieves when he put the questions to them in their 
 own peculiar way. He frequently remarked to me, that it had 
 enabled him to be up to their movements, and down to their 
 tricks ! The Counsellor always reprobated the adage ' give a 
 dog an ill name and hang him !' In several cases in which he 
 had been engaged, where the previous bad character of a man 
 was enough to convict him, he was indefatigable to remove that 
 almost overwhelming prejudice, and to prove the innocence of 
 his client. In one or two memorable instances, he succeeded in 
 saving the lives of men, who otherwise might have been found 
 guilty almost from bad characters alone. 
 
 " He was of a most facetious disposition ; and in those cases 
 where he coulcl exercise his vein for humour, he has kept the 
 court in roars of laughter, that even the judge, in spite of him- 
 self, has lost sight of the gravity of his situation on the bench. 
 He was also a kind and liberal man ; and, to his honour be it 
 remembered, in many cases where charity has been required and 
 pointed out to him, he has received his brief without a single 
 shilling. He was indefatigable in his profession his very soul 
 was in it ; arid business flocked in upon him in so great a degree, 
 that for many years of ? his life he was always in his study by 
 six o'clock in the morning: yet, strange to assert, but strictly true, 
 Counsellor Browbeatem's advice to me was, never " to go to 
 
 LAW ! " 
 
 " And excellent advice too/' replied Flourish ; " for the glo- 
 rious uncertainty of it frightens all sensible men/' 
 
 Makemoney, although not a practical man out of doors as to 
 the tricks and ways of the world, from his steady attention to 
 business, nevertheless had been a great reader : he also possessed 
 a tenacious memory, and was an excellent companion to fill up 
 a vacant hour. He was never at a loss for anecdotes, and felt a 
 pleasure in communicating whatever knowledge he had acquired 
 for the benefit of his acquaintances and friends. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 
 
 143 
 
 "On both sides of the Thames, I perceive/' said Makemoney, 
 " great improvements are taking- place ; and you scarcely 
 advance a yard or two but some new building- presents itself to 
 your view. Such is the enterprise and spirit of all classes of 
 society connected with trade and commerce in the Metropolis, 
 since I was a boy ; that I am lost in admiration when I reflect 
 upon the subject." 
 
 " I never," said Flourish, " pass Waterloo Bridge without 
 praising- this unequalled structure ; and I think I might assert, 
 without the fear of contradiction, there is not such another bridge 
 to be found in the world." 
 
 " I do not think there can be two opinions about Waterloo 
 Bridg-e," replied Makemoney ; " and it is a splendid ornament 
 to this part of the Thames/' 
 
 On passing through the Bridg-e, " Captain," asked Flourish, 
 " what is the name of that handsome building- on the other side 
 of the river, near the shot manufactory, and which appears to 
 me to have been recently erected ? " 
 
 
 " It is called the New Lion Ale Brewery, the property of 
 Messrs. James and Charles Goding ; and a magnificent piece of 
 workmanship it is," replied the Captain : " it may be equalled 
 perhaps, but in my opinion, as a brewery, it cannot be excelled 
 in the Metropolis. It is a treat to go over it. And if, gentle- 
 men, you are fond of a glass of good ALE, fine and sparkling- like 
 champagne, the above is the place to purchase it." The Cap- 
 tain, who was a jolly fellow, by way of illustration to his re- 
 
144 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES' 
 
 commendation, beg-aft to sing- a few lines of the well-known 
 ballad 
 
 Can any king be half so great- 
 So kind, so good, as I? 
 
 I give the hungry food to eat, 
 And liquor to the dry. 
 
 My labour's hard, but still 'tis sweet, 
 And easy to endure ; 
 
 For while I toil to thrash the wheat, 
 
 1 comfort rich and poor. 
 
 And I merrily sing, as I swing round my flail, 
 My reward, when work's over, is a jug of brown ale. 
 
 " Champag-ne is exhilarating-, I admit/' said Makemoney, "and 
 g-enerally considered a bon bouche by all wine bibbers ; but a 
 glass of real g-ood ALE is far more valuable, as to quality, when 
 the human frame is the object of consideration. Champag-ne 
 makes a Frenchman of you for a few minutes lig-ht, airy, but 
 not lasting a sort of flash in the pan. But a cup full of hum- 
 ming stingo puts a man's courage on the alert he is ready for 
 any thing and his companions soon perceive he has all the ani- 
 mation of a real John Bull about him English to the back 
 bone ! " 
 
 " Bravo, uncle ; still NATIONAL ! " replied Sprightly. " I 
 heard, Captain, the opening of the Brewery was celebrated with 
 great demonstrations of joy." 
 
 " There were rare doings, indeed, sir," answered the Captain ; 
 " 1 partook of Messrs. Codings' hospitality. Two thousand bot- 
 tles of wine were disposed of without any difficulty: ten barrels 
 of ale were soon drank, not only as a matter of good taste, but 
 out of respect to the donors of the feast : several bushels of hot 
 potatoes, roasted in the stoke hole, were received as a treat : 
 sixteen hundred weight of meat cooked, including the barons of 
 beef, which netted forty-three stone. Over each of the barons a 
 1 beef-eater' and his page, in the uniform of the Yeoman Guards, 
 were assigned to answer the claims of those who might be dis- 
 posed to participate in such rich and substantial fare." 
 
 " It must have been a very gratifying sight to the visitors," 
 observed Sprightly. 
 
 " Every person appeared happy," said the Captain, " and up- 
 wards of fifteen hundred visitors dined off old English fare ; 
 including beef, boiled and roasted, veal, hams, tongues, pigeon- 
 pies, with all the et ceteras to render such a collation truly in- 
 viting. One thousand pounds, I am sure, could not have paid 
 the expenses." 
 
 " So many licensed victuallers assembled together must have 
 produced rather a funny appearance," said Flourish, " for they 
 are generally fond of the good things of this life, and can 
 handle a knife and fork better than most other men, owing to 
 their excellent practice ; and also know the taste of a glass of 
 good wine ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! " 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 145 
 
 " True, sir/' replied the Captain, " they were not niggards at 
 the tables, nor with the wine ; and many of them were ' right 
 merrie ' before they departed. It was one of the most joyous 
 scenes I ever experienced : all was mirth and good humour to 
 the end of the chapter. I do not know any building* that was 
 ever half so well christened as Messrs. Coding's Lion Ale 
 Brewery : it was a rich picture of English hospitality." 
 
 " I am sure of it," said Makemoney : " the British merchant 
 never does any thing- by halves his enterprise, liberality, and 
 extension of commerce, go hand-in-hand tog-ether ; and search 
 the world all over there are nothing-, in my humble opinion, like 
 the merchants of old England to be met with." 
 
 " But, in order to render the opening- of the above splendid 
 Brewery more important in the eyes of the public," answered 
 the Captain, " Messrs. Coding- g-ave a prize-wherry, of the value 
 of forty pounds, called the ' Lady Jane/ out of compliment to 
 Lady Jane Coding- (the wife of one of the brothers). This 
 boat-race not only excited considerable interest, but afforded a 
 vast deal of amusement to the numerous spectators." 
 
 " Such spirited conduct deserves success," replied Make- 
 money ; " and when we get to Richmond, we will all drink 
 prosperity, in the Lion Ale, to the brew r ery." 
 
 " Most certainly," echoed Sprightly and Flourish. 
 
 Makemoney was quite in a descriptive mood, and thus ob- 
 served to his brother Pilgrims, in passing- Milbank, " I have 
 known this place for upwards of forty years, and, from the best 
 information I have received on the subject, at the period I allude 
 to, it was the favorite resort of a class of persons, nick-named 
 ' Kiddies ! ' low-life sort of folks both the young- men and 
 their girls. Their dress was also peculiar to themselves. The 
 men wore their hair in close curls on the side of their heads, 
 done upon leaden rollers ; hats turned or looped up on the sides ; 
 and to their breeches eight, and sometimes ten, small buttons 
 were seen at their knees, with a profusion of strings, after the 
 famed ( Sixteen-string Jack ; ' long- quartered shoes, with very 
 large buckles. 
 
 " The language of those kiddies was low and illiterate they 
 never mixed with any other society but flash company, thieves, 
 &c., and were altogether different from the present race of 
 young men. 
 
 " Milbank, on the Sunday and Monday afternoons, was 
 crowded with this description of persons idlers, apprentice- 
 boys, journeymen, &c. It was a difficult matter to obtain a seat 
 in the evening at any of the public-houses on the Bank. There 
 was a numerous attendance of ' cutter-lads,' so designated be- 
 cause they subscribed towards pleasure-boats, to row with four, 
 six, or eight persons and their cockswain was dressed in a red 
 jacket with gold lace and white petticoat trousers. The above 
 
146 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 cutter lads made quite a parade of their exertions up and down 
 the River. 
 
 " It was one continued scene of rude low-life and gaiety, 
 which lasted for several years ; and the ridiculous and absurd 
 idea of being thought a ' deep one/ and a ' knowing character/ 
 was the only great object in view with all these sort of people. 
 The rooms at night were turned into Free and Easy clubs full 
 of noise and confusion, and obscured in smoke and scarcely any 
 thing heard but the lowest of flash songs. The following short 
 specimen will not only shew the taste of that period, but amply 
 suffice : 
 
 Behold the City youth, to the garden he does run, 
 Where he toddles by the Judies, and thinks it is rum fun : 
 Oh, he toddles by their sides, and stands the 5am for gin, 
 Naps a kiss for his treat, and he bundles home by ten. 
 
 Ri tal la, ral la ! 
 
 Now by more frequent going the bolder he does get, 
 And in some flash panny he ventures for to sit ; 
 Where he learns to patter flash, and to chant a rolling song, 
 And to come his * eyes and limbs/ as the kiddy rolls along. 
 
 Ri tal la, ral la ! 
 
 " But, I am happy to say, the scene has long since been changed 
 altogether, and improvement is now the order of the day in 
 every point of view. Nothing of this kind is now to be wit- 
 nessed on Milbank, and the race of kiddies thanks to the 
 march of intellect have become extinct. Men's minds have 
 undergone a complete revolution ; and every thing low, black- 
 guard, and illiterate, is not only viewed as disgusting to the 
 feelings of sensible persons, but shunned in all directions/' 
 
 " For this picture of men and manners, uncle/' said Sprightly, 
 " permit me to thank you kindly : it has proved a very interest- 
 ing subject to me." 
 
 " The only thing disagreeable, decidedly disagreeable to me, on 
 the banks of the Thames, is the look of the Penitentiary ; it 
 always produces in me the most unpleasant sensations/' observed 
 Flourish ; "its very look is appalling." 
 
 " It also reminds me of an extraordinary character who lived 
 very near it for some years/' said Makemoney, " who was hanged 
 for forgery : and it was well known, at the same time, that he 
 could neither read nor write." 
 
 " Not read, nor write," asked Flourish, " Is it possible ! 
 How could he commit a forgery, I should like to know ?" 
 
 " He was tried on two counts one for forgery, and the other 
 for uttering the notes, knowing them to be forged," replied 
 Makemoney ; " you rarely meet with so extraordinary a per- 
 son, and well might Shakespeare assert 
 
 " What a piece of woi k is man !" 
 
 "Did he follow any trade or calling?" asked Flourish, "I 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 14? 
 
 should like to hear a little of his history ; any thing- out of* the 
 common routine of the lives of men, either in high or low life, 
 always interests me more than I can express ! You will, per- 
 haps, oblige us with a few of his peculiar traits, we cannot 
 know too much of the actions of mankind !" 
 
 " I will, as far as my recollection serves me, and likewise, 
 what I have heard of him," replied Makemoney. " Slender 
 Billy was the designation he was known by, and was recogniz- 
 ed, as well in the neighbourhood of Westminster, as the old 
 Abbey itself! 
 
 " He kept a menagerie for beasts of every description, in the 
 Willow Walk, Tothill Fields, and was patronized by some of 
 the first people in the kingdom, who were fond of baiting the 
 bull, the bear, the badger, &c., and also by the collegians, who 
 left the study of Homer, and the elements of Euclid, for the 
 more intimate knowledge of the game bull and the fierce badgers. 
 In fact, numerous M. P.'s were often seen participating in the 
 rude humours of the pit, regardless of the heterogenous mixture 
 of the company ; and also, several members of the peerage, did 
 not appear to feel any sort of degradation to patronize the 
 efforts of Slender Billy in his breed of dogs, and other animals 
 calculated to afford amusement." 
 
 " There must have been considerable talent attached to him, 
 although in a peculiar way," said Sprightly. 
 
 " Yes, and strength of mind, too," answered Makemoney ; 
 " only listen to the result. 
 
 " Slender Billy was quite a hero in his own way ; and a man 
 of considerable importance amongst the thieves. In the cant 
 language, he was viewed as the safest fence in the kingdom ; 
 i. e. a receiver of stolen goods. His integrity was considered 
 as firm as a rock ; and any thing like treachery to his pals was 
 never thought of. Billy was well known to the officers of justice 
 in the above character ; and the magistrates in the neighbour- 
 hood, were perfectly aware that such a man dwelt within one 
 hundred miles of their office. But the Lacedemonians did not 
 acknowledge thieving as a crime, provided the thief was not 
 caught in the fact. This was the creed of Slender Billy !" 
 
 *' Indeed/' said Flourish, " you do astonish me. But how did 
 he escape punishment, when himself and dwelling were so very 
 notorious ?" 
 
 " For forty years he pursued this career ; but during that 
 period he had been in custody several times, merely on suspicion, 
 and his plans were so well laid, that he always escaped detec- 
 tion. Ha ! ha ! ha ! I cannot help laughing, whenever I think 
 of it. His dwelling house was particularly well situated for 
 concealment, and he adopted the following mode, to render it 
 more secure from the attacks of strangers. He garrisoned it 
 with bull dogs, so as almost to render it impregnable without 
 the use of fire arms, and when any intruders paid him a visit, 
 
148 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 that he did not like the appearance of, and he generally kept a 
 good look out, Billy never leaving- any thing to chance, he let 
 his best friends loose, as he termed his dogs ; this gave him time, 
 if he had any concealed property on the premises, to remove it. 
 Officers, and other persons, were in danger of their lives, if they 
 attempted to contend with the fury and courage of his thorough- 
 bred English bull dogs. 
 
 " Billy often used to laugh heartily at this circumstance when 
 relating it to any of his acquaintances * I never pay any taxes 
 myself/ said he ; * but I give my dogs the hint, and they inform- 
 ed the parish officers that if they had any desire to get home in a 
 whole skin, to return the house, in their books, as an empty 
 one.'" 
 
 " It may be well said," replied Sprightly, " that one half of 
 the world does not know how the other half lives \" 
 
 " True," answered Makemoney, " but the most extraordinary 
 part of his life is to be developed. He was a housebreaker m 
 his own person ; and a most accomplished workman, to com- 
 plete the object in view without detection. In all his trans- 
 actions with the thieves, he was considered one of the finest 
 specimens of an honourable and an honest man, that ever existed. 
 He was a straight-forward fellow upon all occasions, and when- 
 ever he gave his word and honour to his companions, it was 
 valued by them equal to the most severe, and binding oath, 
 taken by any pious man. Slender Billy was frequently called 
 upon to divide stolen property amongst thieves ; and in his cha- 
 racter of an arbitrator) Lord Eldon could not have been nicer, 
 or more conscientious in his decisions to do justice, even to the 
 splitting of a hair. 
 
 " To his offspring, (and he had two remarkably fine daughters, 
 who were much admired for their persons,) he was tenderness 
 tself ; and felt an overwhelming anxiety to give them excellent 
 educations, to make up for that deficiency in himself, which he 
 often bitterly lamented the want of, to his friends. 
 
 " The courage of Slender Billy was of the highest order ; fear 
 was out of the question ; and he possessed a heart that would 
 have done honour to a better cause. Horses arid dogs he 
 bought and sold, in rather an extensive manner. However, 
 singular to state, but true, that in bargaining for the purchase of 
 each, on refusal to his terms, he has often in a jocular manner 
 informed the owners, that he must have them for nothing, and 
 which promise he repeatedly carried into execution " 
 
 " I never heard of such an extraordinary character," observed 
 Flourish ; " I have read the whole of the Newgate Calendar ; 
 but this Slender Billy, as you call him, for his talents distances 
 the whole of them put together." 
 
 " In his occupation as a nacker, (to kill horses when worn out 
 with age, or owing to accidents,) it was his boast that he had 
 stolen many a poor old horse, rather out of charity to his carcase, 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 149 
 
 than for the value of his flesh. Slender was always viewed as a 
 humane man/' 
 
 " What a strange mixture of good and bad qualities in the 
 same person," observed Sprightly. 
 
 " Yes," said Makemoney, " he was viewed by his associates as 
 one of the staunchest men alive ; and whatever affair he was 
 engaged in, Billy proved himself as firm as a rock ; and nothing 
 could tempt him to act the part of a dishonourable fellow. 
 
 " For a certain sum of money, he entered into an agreement 
 with a French General, of the name of Austin, who was on his 
 parole in England, with several other French prisoners, to con- 
 vey them safely and secretly out of this country to France, for 
 which he was treacherously impeached by one of his companions, 
 and sentenced to two years imprisonment/' 
 
 " Then/' urged Flourish, " the adage does not always stand 
 good, * that there is honour amongst thieves !'" 
 
 " The above imprisonment ultimately proved his downfall and 
 death," replied Makemoney ; " the rascally conduct and ingrati- 
 tude of the Frenchman towards Slender Billy, preyed severely, 
 at times, upon his feelings, during his confinement. He had 
 risqued the safety of his person, added to the expenses of a boat, 
 and the assistance of other persons, to render the escape of the 
 Frenchman more certain, and upon the GeneraFs landing on his 
 own soil, notwithstanding his oath and promises to Billy, he was 
 ungratefully cheated out of his reward. He was so enraged at 
 being thus tricked by the rascally Mounseers, as he termed 
 them, that he swore, he would much sooner have forgiven the 
 robbery of the whole of his property in one night, and have been 
 left entirely destitute, than any man should have forfeited to him 
 his word and honour, in a cause, in which Slender Billy had 
 been engaged." 
 
 " I would have had such an ungrateful scoundrel, as that 
 French General, thrown into the sea," observed Flourish ; 
 " and however he might have called out for assistance to save 
 his life, none should have been rendered to him, as an example 
 to other traitors !" 
 
 " Severe, but just," replied Makemoney, "and nothing can 
 be considered too harsh for the crime of ingratitude, more 
 especially when liberty and life is in danger from it. 
 
 " Slender Billy, during his imprisonment, being still anxious 
 to turn the penny to account, acting upon the old adage ' Get 
 money, honestly, if you can ; but get money,' and flattering 
 himself that none of his pals would betray him, he dabbled a 
 little in forged notes ; but he found, to his cost, that he was 
 mistaken in the integrity of his associates, and he was regularly 
 sold. A plant, as they call it, (a scoundrel, under the mask of 
 friendship,) was put upon him, and in spite of his knowledge 
 and caution, proved his destruction." 
 
 " Honesty is the best policy, after all, in this life," said 
 
150 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 Sprightly, " and then a man may lay his head upon his pillow 
 and sleep soundly, without any thing- like fear or apprehension 
 disturbing- his rest." 
 
 " A more cold-blooded plan was never laid for the ruin of a 
 man, than in the following- instance," observed Makemoney. 
 " The notes w T ere scarcely purchased, under the mask of friend- 
 ship for Billy, by one of his associates, when the rascal g-ave 
 immediate notice to the keepers of Newg-ate, who were in wait- 
 ing- outside of the door, for the result. They rushed in, and 
 seized violently hold of his person ; but his courag-e and resolu- 
 tion did not desert him in the hour of distress ! Slender was a 
 very strong- man, and determined not to be entrapped while a 
 chance remained to extricate himself from danger, or while he 
 had any streng-th left ; he wrestled successively with his keepers, 
 and threw them from him with the utmost ease, and shoving- his 
 hand, which contained the marked notes, broug-ht in by his 
 treacherous associate, into the fire, and holding- it there till they 
 were all burnt, exclaimed ' Now its all right, you may search 
 and be d d V " 
 
 " With such high courage and cool determination," said Flou- 
 rish, "what essential services might such a man have rendered 
 his country." 
 
 " But Billy was wrong in his conjecture," observed Make- 
 money ; " unfortunately for him, some forged notes were con- 
 cealed in his bedstead, which he had forgotten, and which, added 
 to corroborating circumstances, proved his overthrow. The 
 Bank of England had been making great exertions to find out 
 the source from whence the forged notes were obtained ; and it 
 is an incontrovertible fact, that Slender Billy could not read, 
 although he was indicted for forgery! He had plenty of good 
 notes about him when he was searched by the officers ; and the 
 way he distinguished a large note from the 'one pound ' was, 
 from the length of the words, ' one hundred/ &c." 
 
 " Such a person justly deserved punishment for his misdeeds/ 
 answered Flourish, " but he ought not to have lost his life from 
 deceit and treachery." 
 
 " He appeared very firm throughout his trial," said Make- 
 money ; " but, on being turned into his cell, after his condemna- 
 tion, his feelings were overcome, and he burst into tears. He 
 said, if he had not have been able to have cried, he thought his 
 heart would have burst. But his fortitude returned, and he 
 soon resumed his wonted cheerfulness. He divided his property 
 in the most equitable manner between his family ; and he pre- 
 pared himself for his awful exit with so much firmness as to 
 astonish all his friends. However, singular to state, in oppo- 
 sition to some part of his behaviour, he was a man of strict 
 punctuality and integrity in all his dealings, as to the common 
 transactions of business, and had saved a larere sum of money." 
 " If he could not read nor write/' said Flourish, " he must 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 151 
 
 have had a good head, and have been an excellent cal- 
 culator, according- to his own notion of thing's." 
 
 " The following- decision he made, when offered his life, if 
 he would inform against the persons who furnished him with 
 the forged notes, is a convincing proof of his correct notions of 
 honor," observed Makemoney. " Nothing could tempt him from 
 his purpose ; urging-, that he preferred death to dishonor. He 
 had also, he said, solemnly pledged himself, in common with 
 the rest of his associates, never to impeach the concern under 
 any trouble, and that he was now too honourable to forfeit his 
 word/' 
 
 " There is something about the character of such a man, in 
 spite of his failings, that must excite our pity/' said Sprightly. 
 " Had he have received the advantages of education, I have no 
 doubt in my mind but a better fate might have awaited him." 
 
 " Upon his being pressed very closely by his intimate friends 
 to save his life," replied Makemoney, " he replied, that if he did 
 inform against his pals, he must hang several others, and render 
 their families miserable. Therefore, what happiness could he 
 derive, if he gained his liberty ? His life would always be in 
 danger. A pardon, it is said, was offered to him the night be- 
 fore, and also upon the morning of his execution ; but he resisted 
 all importunities on the subject saying, that he must ever after- 
 wards have crawled upon the earth in secresy, and never shewn 
 himself in daylight. He, therefore, resigned himself to his 
 fate, and expiated his offences on the scaffold without a sigh, or 
 a desire to live. His exploits would fill a volume." 
 
 " And would make a very interesting one, I have no doubt," 
 said Flourish. 
 
 " It was the opinion of Slender Billy," resumed Makemoney, 
 " that six hours' rest was quite enough for any man, and that 
 the remaining- part of the twenty-four ought to be actively em- 
 ployed honestly ; but if that could not be done, a man ought 
 not to stand in his own light as to the acquirement of property. 
 
 " It was said of Slender Billy, that when St. Paul's Cathe- 
 dral was robbed of its massy plate, he received it without any 
 qualms of conscience ; and he also kept a private still, being a 
 great enemy to Excise and Parish Officers. He frequently 
 laughingly observed to his acquaintances, that tailors were of 
 no use of him. He had no choice of colours ; neither was he 
 particular as to superfine or any other cloth : nay, more, he was 
 never measured for any articles of wearing apparel. He was 
 asked how he managed these circumstances. ' Why,' said he, ' to 
 tell you the truth, ' I always prigged * all the dress that ever 
 covered my body.' 
 
 * No person was better known in his day, in the neighbourhood of West- 
 minster, than the late Slender Billy, and recognized in the following characters : 
 A safe fence (receiver of stolen goods) j an expert cracksman (a house-breaker) ; 
 a peter-man (cutting the luggage off fiom coaches) j a nacker (a killer of horses); 
 
152 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " And now," said 'Makemoney, " I think a finer illustration of 
 Pope's maxim was never made out than in the case of Slender 
 Billy, that the 
 
 *' Proper study of mankind is man ! " 
 
 The wind was blowing rather fresh, and nearly capsized 
 Flourish's hat, when he observed to the Captain of the steamer, 
 " I believe you call this part of the river ' Chelsea Reach ; ' 
 otherwise, the ' Cocknies' Sea.' " 
 
 " Yes, sir/' replied the Captain ; <( people that don't know 
 any better may laugh at the term of ' Cocknies' Sea ;" but I 
 have seen several accidents occur here entirely owing to the 
 violence of the wind ; and small sailing and other boats have 
 been upset in the Reach : indeed, in several parts of the River 
 Thames I have experienced more severe gales than I have in 
 coming from Scotland." 
 
 " We have been so much interested, my dear uncle, with your 
 entertaining anecdotes/' said Sprightly, " that we have passed 
 several interesting objects, that otherwise might have engaged 
 our attention ; but as Hampton Races, and a visit to Turf's cot- 
 tage, being set apart for this trip, other days must be devoted for 
 those places we have passed over." 
 
 Richmond was now at hand, and the Pilgrims were on the 
 look out for Charles Turf, whom, as they neared the shore, they 
 
 a gin-spinner (a private still) ; the keeper of a dog-pit, &c., in a business-like 
 manner; yet, nevertheless, in the general acceptation of the phrase, when met 
 with out of either of his callings as a lively, jolly, spirited fellow ! He had 
 no notion of doing things by halves, as he termed it; and he always liked to treat 
 his friends in a handsome manner when he gave them an invitation to his house. 
 At one of his christenings for he was fond of birthdays, and keeping up the 
 good old customs of hospitality he invited a very numerous party, as he said, 
 *' to give the kid a name." Nothing could exceed the splendour of the repast. 
 The tables groaned under the weight of the good things of this life, which were 
 furnished in the utmost profusion. :The dessert vied with the first nobleman's 
 banquet in the kingdom for variety and richness of fruit. The wines were of the 
 very best quality, including champagne and other expensive sorts ; and the spirits 
 could not be surpassed for their excellence. In fact, an emperor, or the greatest 
 epicure, could not have found fault with a single article of refreshment that was 
 provided for the guests. The company rather a most heterogenous mixture of 
 thieves and honest persons stared and looked at each other with surprize, and 
 were calculating what a vast expense he must have been at in furnishing such an 
 out of the way splendid entertainment. But he soon removed all doubts upon 
 the subject ; and, being rather merry, he filled himself a large rummer full of 
 sparkling champagne, singing a line or two of the well- known flash song, 
 " For supper Billy stood, 
 To treat his curious cronies/ &c. 
 
 drinking the whole of their healths ; observing, at the same time, " The more 
 you eat and drink, my friends, the more I shall be pleased, for then I shall think 
 that you like the supper. The flats say the blunt can do any thing} but in this 
 case the blunt was not required at all, and I have not put myself to the slightest 
 expense for every thing you see in this room, either on or off the table, I have 
 stolen. So 1 again say, make yourselves all happy and comfortable, for it is im- 
 possible that either you or I can quarrel about the price of it." 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 153 
 
 espied looking- towards them. "Here am I," said he, (l you see 
 I know the value of time : and always make it a point to be 
 five minutes before, than after, in any engagement I make. How- 
 ever, I am very glad to see you, my jolly Pilgrims the weather 
 is fine the day is delightful the road appears to be crowded 
 with company and, I have no doubt, I shall be able to furnish 
 you with plenty of amusement of one sort or another. So jump 
 up, my friends, and we shall soon be on the race-course, which 
 you will find a complete scene of excitement from one end of it 
 to the other ! 
 
 " The spot on which you now stand,'* observed Turf, " has been 
 distinguished for several great sporting events besides racing, 
 coursing, &c., most of the principal prize battles have been con- 
 tested on Moulsey Hurst. However, that sort of amusement 
 has had its day; and it is not my intention to offer any 
 argument either for or against its continuance ; but I merely 
 make the remark, that I have seen some of the greatest legisla- 
 tors that ever adorned this, or any other country, sitting down on 
 this beautiful turf, viewing the contests I have alluded to with 
 all the breathless anxiety and suspence that ever attended the 
 most important debates in both Houses of Parliament, and the 
 greatest personage in the kingdom included as one of the 
 anxious spectators." 
 
 " Indeed," said Makemoney, " I was not aware of that cir- 
 cumstance ; but nevertheless, in a free country like ours, I do 
 not think the illustrious person at the very head of affairs, 
 can be too much acquainted with the manners and sports of the 
 people over whom he has to preside \" 
 
 " Exactly so/' replied Turf ; te spoken like a real patriot, and 
 a true politician. From having obtained a thorough knowledge 
 of the people mixing with them participating in their habits 
 and hearing their opinions on the laws and governm erit, in 
 propria persona, he is, by such intercourse, enabled to guard 
 against flatterers to form a correct judgment in his own mind 
 and is not likely to be beaten down by powerful sophisticate 
 eloquence on the one side of the question, or give way to brow- 
 beating oratory on the other ; provided he had only emancipated 
 from his closet, and left the leading-strings of courtiers and 
 sycophants. And if ever any sovereign, in the history of kings and 
 emperors, had a thorough knowledge of the feelings of his peo- 
 ple, it is our present King, God bless him !" 
 
 " If all the crowned heads in the world," said Flourish, " had 
 the same opportunity of becoming acquainted personally, with 
 the manners, customs, and sports of the people, over whom they 
 preside, government would be better administered the cause 
 and effects of liberty would be more generally understood on 
 both sides of the question and a much greater portion of happi- 
 ness enjoyed by all ranks of society !" 
 
 " I think I heard you say, Makemoney, that you never was 
 
 x 
 
154 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 upon a race-course in your life, during- the time the races were 
 contested/' remarked Turf ; " then 1 will promise you a treat 
 although I have been upon almost every course in the kingdom, 
 yet, strange to say, it always appears like a new feature to me, 
 from the variety of subjects that continually attract the notice, 
 independant of the sport which occurs between the horses ! 
 But to a common observer, a person not interested as a betting 1 
 man, a race-course is a fine picture of real life ; and affords a 
 fine source of amusement. There is a great mixture of com- 
 pany, no doubt, and you are sure to run against the good, bad, 
 and indifferent part of society. But if you are careful, and do 
 not mix in the confusion and crowd, you will have very little 
 to complain of, I assure you therefore, I say, be on your 
 guard !" 
 
 " We are very much obliged to you," replied Flourish ; " but 
 we are nothing- else but careful fellows, arid always look before 
 we leap !" 
 
 " 1 am glad to hear it," said Turf ; " but I see some of my 
 friends in the betting- stand, that I have some wagers with, 
 during- which time, you Pilgrims can take a stroll over the course, 
 and spend a short period in the most pleasant manner you can with 
 the different subjects which present themselves to your notice. 
 Therefore, till 1 return to you, you will excuse my absence ; but 
 you never can be dull upon a race-course." 
 
 The first thing that attracted the notice of the Pilgrims upon 
 the departure of Turf, was a man with a small table, and a crowd 
 of persons listening to his harangue. He had three thimbles 
 upon the table, and was endeavouring to shew his capabili- 
 ties by placing peas under them, and continually shifting them, 
 so that no person could name the particular thimble under 
 which one of the peas was to be found. The strange and im- 
 pudent remarks of the fellow, produced roars of laughter. 
 
 "With this small thimble, and this little pea," said he, " it is 
 impossible that any thing like deception can take place; 
 cheating is entirely out of the question. Therefore, I will bet 
 pounds, crowns, pewter, or copper, a five, or ten pound note, or 
 any other sum, large or small, that no lady or gentleman pre- 
 sent, can tell under which thimble the pea is to be found ! Qan 
 you tell, sir ?" addressing himself to Flourish. 
 
 " I don't think the pea is under either of them," replied Flou- 
 rish, (i I saw you throw it away, and here it is, upon the ground/' 
 
 "You don't know a pea from a turnip, I'm sure," said the 
 fellow, a you had better borrow a pair of spectacles the next 
 time you come to the races, for you must be blind ! You can't 
 see at all, and I'll bet you five pounds the pea is under that 
 thimble," (pointing to one of the three). These rude remarks 
 produced bursts of laughter from the crowd, at the expense of 
 Flourish, who was getting a little angry. 
 
 " You may be as saucy as you please, Mr. Thimbleman, to my 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 155 
 
 friend, but I likewise saw you throw the pea away !" said 
 Sprightly, quite in a passion, " you can't impose upon us so easy 
 as you imagine." Another loud laugh from the crowd, and the 
 persons connected with the gang. 
 
 " You are a moon-raker, I'm sure/' replied the fellow with 
 the thimbles. " You are a nice man to find a mare's nest ! You can 
 see what never took place ! I'll bet you five, or ten pounds, that 
 the pea is under the middle thimble ; but stop, I'm wrong, you 
 never had five pence in your pocket in your life time you are 
 only some journeyman barker to a clothes shop and you have 
 borrowed a suit of clothes from your master, to cut a bounce for 
 the day at the races I'm up to you ! But such fellows are of no 
 use to any body poor fellow, I pity you." 
 
 " He's no moon-raker, fellow," said Makemony, quite irritable, 
 " nor a barker to a clothesman, but a young gentleman of pro- 
 perty ; therefore, be more choice of your words in future. You 
 know, very well, you threw the pea away !" 
 
 " Don't put yourself in a passion, my old cripple, with one 
 leg in the grave !" answered the thimble man, accompanied with 
 a tremendous laugh from the crowd. 
 
 " I'll give any man the price of a pint of ale, if he will take 
 this poor insane creature to the lunatic asylum, which is close 
 at hand, and the governor of the chanty will reward him well 
 for his trouble ; poor old creature, he is as mad as a March 
 hare !" Roars of laughter followed these remarks. 
 
 Flourish, Sprightly, and Makemoney, being entirely off their 
 guard, with this sort of cant vulgarly called chaff-cutting, 
 were nearly ready to knock the saucy fellow down. 
 
 " Well now, you three pretended swells," said the thimble 
 man, " if you were all put into a bag, and well shook together, 
 nine pennor'th of coppers would not be found amongst you. No- 
 thing else but outside show I" 
 
 " You are a lying scoundrel," replied Makemoney, " we have 
 got our pockets full of money \" 
 
 " 1 should like to see it," answered the thimble man. " I'll 
 bet you five pounds the pea is under the outside thimble, and no 
 mistake !" 
 
 Flourish, in a whisper 'to Makemoney, observed " he said it 
 was under the middle thimble before, he must be wrong, I'm 
 sure !" 
 
 When a decently dressed looking man, a confederate in dis- 
 guise, observed to them, in a kind of whisper, " I would bet 
 him five pounds for his impudence, and make him pay for it. 
 I saw him throw the pea away myself you can't lose, it is im- 
 possible bet him !" This advice, or rather stratagem, had the 
 desired effect, and the jolly Pilgrims were completely duped. 
 
 " Done for five pounds," cried Makemoney, putting down 
 the note, quite in ecstacy that he should punish the fellow for his 
 impudence. 
 
156 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " A fool and his money are soon parted," (taking- up the out- 
 side thimble, under which the pea was discovered,) said the 
 thimble man. The roar of laughter was terrific, and several of 
 the fellows cried out "He certainly is mad, take him off' to the 
 lunatic asylum." The astonishment of the Pilgrims is not to be 
 described the mob now began to hustle Makemoney, who see- 
 ing his danger, made the best of his way to another part of the 
 course, followed by Flourish and Sprightly. 
 
 After the Pilgrims had recovered from their surprise, and hav- 
 ing a hearty laugh at the way they had been decoyed to lose 
 their money, Makemoney observed, rather gravely, " Live and 
 learn !" 
 
 " Truly/' replied Flourish, " and you are quite aware, my 
 friend, that learning has always proved an expensive article ; 
 therefore, as it is a new reading to you, don't complain. Turf 
 will have the laugh against us, when we tell him of this 
 adventure." 
 
 They had not moved many yards before they observed another 
 touter, a fellow haranguing the crowd outside the door of one of 
 the gambling booths, inviting the spectators to walk in and make 
 their fortunes ! 
 
 " This is the lucky booth," said he, " fortunes are made with 
 the utmost ease, and without the least anxiety ! But, remember, 
 nothing venture, nothing win ; therefore, walk in, and please 
 yourselves. It is called the game of line, Deux, Cinque! 
 Fifty can play as well as one and it is not necessary to exchange 
 a single word upon the subject. 
 
 " Some persons may wish to insinuate it is gambling ; but rest 
 assured, ladies and gentlemen, there never w r as a greater error 
 broached in society ; it is positively nothing more than an ele- 
 gant amusement, at which the very first quality in the kingdom 
 are delighted with. 
 
 " Only take a peep at the interior, and you will find it fashion 
 itself! The table is magnificent, and the ball, which rolls so 
 interestingly round it, is beautiful, and reminds you of the colours 
 of the rainbow ! Therefore, you have only to fix on the right 
 colour, and 'good luck ' you will find at your elbow ! Nothing 
 can be more simple ! You have not to ask yourself a question on 
 the subject ! A child can play as well as the antique hero ! 
 There is no shuffling and cutting at this amusement ; and trumps 
 are not required to win at this game ! 
 
 " Some obstinate people will call it a game ! But what's in a 
 name ? Nothing ! Then, I say, ladies and gentlemen, walk in, 
 out of the heat of the sun and dust. Wine is at your service ; 
 and if you hit upon the right colour, you are sure to make a HIT ! 
 "We are the most honourable folks to deal with in the world! 
 You can taste before you buy ! That is to infer, you can walk in, 
 and see how the amusement is going on, and then amuse your- 
 selves as you think proper. Free will is our motto ! We have 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 157 
 
 no decoy ducks, but if you will not put money into your pockets, 
 and lay the foundation of a fortune, that is not my fault." 
 
 " This man appears more refined in his discourse, than the 
 vulgar thi-nble fellow, I admit/' saidMakemoney, " but his invita- 
 tion may'not be a jot the less deceptive ! He does not want for the 
 art of persuasion to induce people to enterthe booth ; and he seems 
 to possess that sort of imposing- ability, which would make some 
 people almost believe that the moon is made of green cheese !" 
 
 " Never mind what he says on the subject/' replied Flourish ; 
 " I will try my luck I can leave off' when I like. Besides, I 
 have had a touch at this sport before ! Therefore, I will be your 
 leader in the amusement, as the fellow called it at the door. I 
 think, I know as much as any of them about Une, Deux, Cinque; 
 I will show you both how to win money enougii to pay all our 
 expences." 
 
 " If that is the case," said Sprightly, te there is not much 
 danger to be apprehended in looking at your play, Flourish. Go 
 in, and my uncle and I will follow you." 
 
 Flourish pulled out his purse with a smile on his face, and a 
 look of consequence whispering to Makemoney, on taking out 
 live pound, " I shall soon turn them into twenty-live sovereigns 
 so here goes !" 
 
 " I hope you will," said Makemoney, " to make up for the 
 thimble-rig!" 
 
 " Hush !" answered Sprightly, " let that affair be consigned 
 to oblivion." 
 
 Flourish's first sovereign soon vanished on blue the second 
 shared the same fate the third was missing quickly the fourth 
 gone in a twinkling and the fifth, off' like a shot ! Flourish 
 felt his own insignificance ; and Makemoney and Sprightly could 
 not refrain from a fit of laughter. 
 
 " It is nothing, sir, when you are used to it," remarked the 
 man at the table, with a smothered grin. " If you had selected 
 the right colour, the event must have come off differently. Will 
 you make your game, sir ?" 
 
 " Not any more to-day/' answered Flourish, " it is not one of 
 my lucky ones." The Pilgrims immediately left the booth, in 
 search of other adventures. 
 
 " We may as well see all the tricks and fancies offered to us, 
 now we are on the spot," said Sprightly, " it will prevent loss 
 of time when we go to another race-course : besides we shall not 
 be had a second time." 
 
 A shabbily dressed looking fellow was next observed by the 
 Pilgrims, flourishing about a garter (a piece of list,) in his hand, 
 talking to a small group of persons " Behold this garter," said 
 he, " and simple as it may look, the king, our gracious sove- 
 reign, never had any thing like such a garter in his possession, 
 although he has given so many garters to the brave knights about 
 his person. 
 
158 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " I call it the * Magical Garter/ because it is more difficult to 
 unravel than the celebrated clue you have heard talked of by 
 your great grandfathers and grandmothers, which secretly led 
 to Fair Rosamond's bower. 
 
 " It was given to me by a great necromancer, who had more 
 eyes in his head than Argus, and more fingers on his hands than 
 the spots in a peacock's tail. There never was so great a crea- 
 ture in the world, before nor since ; he out-heroded Herod, by 
 his astonishing feats and performances ! And good luck to his 
 memory say I, for he gratuitously bequeathed to me a taste of 
 his quality ! 
 
 " Then, thus it is, ladies and gentlemen from a bob to a 
 crown from a sovereign to ten fifty to a hundred nay, for 
 any thing you like a bushel of gold to a sackful of the pre- 
 cious coin ! Do not start with surprise, when I tell you I have 
 a waggon-load close by of the glittering ore, just to convince 
 the public of the value set upon me by the Bank Directors ; and 
 that I do not stand still for the ready rhino to back myself that 
 no lady or gentleman on the Race-course are in possession of the 
 secret to fix the garter in this table with a large pin, which I 
 will put into their hands for that particular purpose ! 
 
 " My trumpeter is now over the Course, offering this challenge 
 to all the world ! 
 
 tf Come (addressing Makemoney), you are fat enough, ould 
 chap, to be an astronomer, if you like it. You consult the stars, 
 at times, I have no doubt a dealer in the occult sciences ; and 
 perhaps a Bartholomew Fair conjuror in disguise ! Therefore, I 
 will lay a sum, equal to all the coin in your pockets and the 
 clothes upon your back, that, with all your knowledge of the 
 ' abracadabara,' you cannot fix this garter with the pin to the 
 table ! " A very loud laugh from the crowd, and shouts of ap- 
 plause, followed this speech. 
 
 Makemoney could not resist joining in the laugh, although 
 against himself, but replied, rather in an angry tone of voice, 
 " I am no conjuror, nor a wise man ; but I am not fool enough 
 to be entangled in your garter." 
 
 " Well, don't be out of temper you are old enough to know 
 better but you are only in leading strings yet/' said the chap 
 with the garter ; " if you are a flat you can't help your looks ! 
 Perhaps your two friends are clever, and they don't know it. 
 Let them have a try I am open to all their cunning for a trifle. 
 Come, young swells, you don't prick either in or OUT of the gar- 
 ter, for a sovereign. There is a fine chance for you, if you have 
 any thing like pluck about you/' 
 
 This last challenge put Sprightly on his mettle, and in an in- 
 stant he replied, " Done, for a sovereign I prick out of the 
 garter ! " The money was put down ; when the garter man 
 observed, " I like your courage ; you are sure to win if you 
 don't lose ! Ha ! ha ! ha! Now, see what a flat you look like ! 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 159 
 
 Why, you are in the garter ! Now, I'll lay you another sovereign, 
 if you try again, you are OUT of the garter !" The shouts and 
 loud laughter from the crowd made such a noise that the Pil- 
 grims were glad to make their escape as soon as possible. 
 
 In the course of a few minutes they perceived the cheerful 
 countenance of Turf making towards them. <( Well, my worthy 
 Pilg'rims, I hope you have been highly amused during my short 
 absence." 
 
 " Very much amused, indeed," replied Makemoney ; " I have 
 been picked up, as you term it, for a customer at the thimble rig, 
 and I am a five-pound note the worse for it." 
 
 " Ditto, at Une, Deux, Cinque," said Flourish ; " but I was at 
 fault respecting the right colour I took blue instead of red, or 
 else it would not have happened." 
 
 " And I," observed Sprightly, " have been punished a little, 
 for endeavouring to become acquainted with the mysterious folds 
 of the garter." 
 
 '< Ha ! ha ! ha ! Then you cannot laugh at one another, as 
 you have all been nibbled a tiny bit," said Turf; < but, my dear 
 Pilgrims, there is nothing like EXPERIENCE in this life : theo- 
 retical knowledge goes for very little in the scale of society : I 
 have paid for it and so must you. After all, perhaps you have 
 laid out your money well. Listen to me. At the Thimble-rig, 
 you have not a shadow of chance to win, be you as clear-sighted 
 as possible, without they give you a sprat to catch a herring ! 
 Therefore, have nothing more to do with thimbles. 
 
 " With the Garter, it is precisely the same thing : the man 
 who holds it can either put you in the folds or out of them at 
 pleasure : then let this information satisfy you ; and leave the 
 tricks of the garter for other customers at a Race-course, and 
 consider one pill a dose. 
 
 " At the game of Une, Deux, Cinque ! you can win ; and, in 
 my time, I have seen several banks broken belonging to the 
 different tables on a Race-course ; or at gambling-houses, when 
 a run of ill-luck has been against them. But novices must ex- 
 pect to have a little the worst of it when they first 'come out.' 
 Ha ! ha ! ha ! " 
 
 At this juncture, a dirty-looking little man, with a cadaverous 
 face, worn out from the effects of riot, dissipation, and debauch- 
 ery scarcely a shoe to his foot, a worn-out hat, and a coat that 
 had done its duty for several years past hastily pushed by Turf 
 moving his hat to the latter and said, " I hope you are well, 
 sir." 
 
 " I wonder at the fellow's impudence to address me in public," 
 observed Turf, with great indignation ; " a detestable fellow 
 like that 
 
 Providence slubbered it in haste. 
 'Tis one of her unmeaning compositions, 
 
160 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 She manufactures when she makes a gross. 
 She'll form a million such and all alike 
 Then send them forth, ashamed of her own work, 
 And set no mark upon them. Get thee gone! 
 
 " In that wretched epitome of a man ; or, rather the wreck of 
 a human being- ; you behold a distressing picture and awful ex- 
 ample of thoughtlessness and extravagance ; it is frightful to re- 
 flect upon it ! He was possessed, at different times in his life, of 
 property to the amount of upwards of eighty thousand pounds. 
 His father, a foreigner, was a merchant at the east-end of the 
 town, a dealer in diamonds, a very cunning, sharp, deep sort of 
 man, with no other object in view but to realize money. In fact, 
 money was his idol. His son was born in England, and it might 
 in truth be said, without a mind. What little education he ob- 
 tained, was like swindling, for his father would never pay any of 
 his schoolmasters without they obtained payment in a court of 
 justice ! This might be considered a drawback to improvement, 
 but he never shewed any signs of intellect, and imbibed the 
 greatest portion of his father's worst qualities ! But he never had 
 any idea of the * main chance/ although from the moment he 
 could lisp, he never saw any thing before his eyes but the most 
 parsimonious conduct in his parent a complete miser ; 
 who would never part with a shilling without the law com- 
 pelled him to do so ; the great feature in his son's life was 
 reduction instead of increasing his property. Well might it 
 be said of father and son 
 
 Sure such a pair were never seen ! 
 
 " From quite a youth he appeared to have a taste for depravity 
 of the worst kind; and his associates, both male and female, 
 were composed of the lowest grade in society. Nevertheless, 
 he was flattered, caressed, and made the hero of the tale in such 
 companies, because he could administer to their wants, and fur- 
 nish money to pay the nightly expences of each debauch. The 
 only ambition he was said ever to possess, was to appear some- 
 thing like a well-dressed gentleman ; but if he had had a 
 well-furnished hall, and a score or two of tailors every morning 
 at his command, they never could have accomplished the task ! 
 His clothes were, at that period, of the first quality, but he never 
 rose higher in the estimation of his own immediate friends, than 
 a tolerably attired groom to a man of property. 
 
 " He ultimately, by the advice of some of his cronies, took to 
 gambling ; and accordingly visited some of the first-rate houses 
 at the west-end, and having lots of money in his possession, he 
 played for heavy stakes. He was quite a novice impudent and 
 proud and as headstrong as a horse, he dashed at every thing 
 that presented itself to his view. He would not listen to any 
 thing like advice ; and he has been known to bet the odds 
 seven to four upon himself, when it has been two to one 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 161 
 
 ugainst him : yet, strang-e to say, such extraordinary luck * 
 attended him, that lie has broken two and three substantial 
 banks of an evening*. But his day was for a very short time. 
 He was found to be by his associates what is termed nothing" 
 else but a rank flat ! He was floored upon every suit he pos- 
 sessed no judgment whatever, and several schemes were laid to 
 victimize him with the greatest success. From bad to worse, 
 he ultimately lost sight of every thing* like principle, and would 
 join in any robbery to cheat the unwary : his moral character 
 was detestable in the extreme, and much worse than all his 
 other transactions put together. In the zenith of his riches, he 
 married a poor girl, according- to his account of it, from attach- 
 ment ; but, from his connection with the most abandoned fe- 
 males, he very soon g-ot rid of her, and allowed a g-entleman 
 ten guineas a week to keep his once dearly-beloved wife, as he 
 urged, out of " harm's way/' which the attorney of this de- 
 praved man reg-ularly paid to him. 
 
 (( But ruin overtook this ' apology' for a human being- ; and 
 from such extravagant conduct and excesses he was reduced to 
 want and almost beg-g-ary ! He then turned Informer ag-ainst 
 
 * '* Luck 1 ' does wonders frequently at a gaming table, as well as in other pur- 
 suits in life ; and it is surprising what novices have achieved, although quite ig- 
 norant as to any scientific knowledge of the game they have been playing the 
 mere effects of chance. The following facts may be relied upon : the brother of 
 an Admiral, who had a great penchant for play seldom missing a night at the 
 table of a well-known horse lost a heavy sum of money one night, it is 
 said, not being quite himself, having indulged a little too much over the bottle, 
 before he appeared at the table ; in consequence of which he lost every shilling 
 he had in his pockets, but still was very anxious to play ! He therefore asked the 
 proprietor of the house to lend him some money to proceed with the game ! " At 
 any other period, and on any other pursuit " replied mine host, " any sum of 
 money should be readily at your service, sir; but in the present instance it is 
 contrary to the rules of our house to lend money to play against ourselves. Should 
 you want any trifling sum to pay for a coach home, you have, sir, only to mention 
 it.*' " No I'* he indignantly replied, " I can walk home;" rather chagrined at 
 the refusal of a loan. However, he had scarcely got a few yards from the house 
 in question, when putting his hand accidentally into one of the outside pockets of 
 his coat, to his great surprise he found a ten pound note, which he supposed he 
 must have put in by mistake during the anxiety of play. He immediately returned 
 to the table, and in the course of the night not only recovered the sum of money 
 he had lost, but actually went home one thousand five hundred pounds the win- 
 ner ! 
 
 Another instance might be quoted as to a lucky and an unlucky night in the 
 same person. The son of one of the most celebrated members of the bar, (who 
 was distinguished not only for the propriety of his general life, but his indefati- 
 gable attention to his profession) *' but no more like his father than I to Hercu- 
 les !" won some thousands rapidly in succession at two or three houses in the 
 early part of the evening ; and congratulating himself on his great success, he 
 called at a Club House on his road home, where he met with a couple of the most 
 scientific players at whist, cribbage, and other similar games ; he was persuaded to 
 play, and he not only lost every shilling that he had about him, but was compelled 
 to give his I. O. U. for several thousands. Such are the effects and circumstances 
 connected with gambling. Many other instances, well-known facts in the " play 
 world," might be introduced, if necessary. There are a few cool gamblers, it is 
 said, that are not to be moved by any circumstances whatever. 
 
 Z 
 
162 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 some of the houses in which he had lost his money but his cha- 
 racter was so bad that his oath had no weight in a Court of Jus- 
 tice, and he was foiled ! I understand he now lives like a sturdy 
 beggar on the contributions of shillings and half-crowns from 
 his former associates, whom he duns every time he meets them. 
 However, he is despised and shunned, as he ought to he, by 
 every person who values the appellation of a MAN ! 
 
 " However we may be taught to feel for the misfortunes of 
 our fellow -creatures," replied Makemoney, " there cannot be 
 the slightest regret expressed for the sufferings or deprivations 
 of such a character as you have just represented to us. Such 
 kind of feelings as he possessed I am totally unacquainted with, 
 and I hope I ever shall be. I did not think it possible that men 
 could degrade themselves so horribly in the eyes of society/' 
 
 " I do not wonder that you are astonished that the principles 
 of men can be so debased ; but you have lately ' come out 
 in life/ and have been more engaged with books than men/' said 
 Turf; " yet when you mix more with out-door society, who get 
 a livelihood in the best manner they can, either honestly or other- 
 wise, your astonishment will wear off in a great degree/' 
 
 " Persons in retired situations must be totally ignorant of such 
 fellows/' observed Flourish, " and cannot for an instant enter- 
 tain an opinion that such are the every-day transactions of life." 
 
 " I have known broken-down gamblers," replied Turf, " who 
 have lost every shilling they possessed in the world, estates, 
 land, &c., and who could not work, and ' to beg or dig ' were 
 ashamed, and who had no means to obtain subsistence, except 
 in a vile capacity, have turned rapidly round, and lost sight of 
 all the principles of honor ; and also have become the most in- 
 veterate black legs and sharpers ever met with in the walks of 
 life. It is a well-known fact, that in one year in the metropolis 
 so great did the gambling mania prevail in the higher classes, 
 that four young men, who came into princely fortunes, lost every 
 thing they possessed in the world ; amounting, it is urged, to 
 nearly two millions of money. And if such men can outlive 
 their misfortunes, is it surprising they can undertake to do any 
 thing ? " 
 
 " You positively alarm me," answered Sprightly, " to think 
 that men can be such idiots nay, rogues to themselves and not 
 only embitter every future moment of their existence, but also 
 that of their relatives and friends." 
 
 The attention of the Pilgrims was now directed to a ragged 
 fellow, with a printed list of the race-horses, soliciting them to 
 become purchasers. " Come, gentlemen sportsmen," said he, 
 " who's for a bit of the terrible high-bred cattle that are to start 
 for the gold cups, plates, &c., at Hampton Races ? Take notice, 
 worthy sporting gentlemen, I offer you none of the low-life 
 tricks of the garter, thimbles, or throwing a ball round a table, 
 
IN SEARCH OP THE NATIONAL. 163 
 
 to deceive your eyes and pick your pockets ! No, no I have a 
 higher game to play at. 
 
 te Here you have the real sport for your money the real thing-, 
 and nothing- but the real thing-. You will witness the talents of 
 the jockies, whose superiority in riding- those fine creatures is a 
 treat all pictures of beautiful horses ! You hear the bell ring- 
 see the jockies mount the race-horses start and admire 
 their beauty, bone, and action. You also hear the conversation 
 of the betting- characters the immense interest they feel on the 
 horses going off the hopes, the fears exhibited the loud shouts 
 of approbation from the crowd when they see the jockies make 
 play, when they are g-etting- near the winning- post and the joy 
 and pleasure expressed when the favourite wins the race. 
 
 " Therefore, lay out a tizzy, a deuce, or any sum you like, to 
 encourag-e poor PUBLISHING JACK, who toddles from one end 
 of the king-dom to the other, to give a correct list of those ter- 
 rible, terrible high-bred cattle, for the amusement and informa- 
 tion of the Sporting- World ! " 
 
 " I never heard fellows, in the course of my life," said Make- 
 money, e< tell their tales half so well as I have heard to-day 
 upon the race-course ; they positively seem to have made it their 
 study to find out the weakness of mankind. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 They will, if you believe them, persuade you to any thing-. Here 
 is the rankest g-ambling- that ever was seen, termed Une, Deux, 
 Cinque, twisted into a pleasant amusement ; the folds of a g-arter 
 only wants genius to unravel it ; and the thimbles are too small 
 to cheat or deceive any person whatever. I never heard any 
 thing- like it ; and indeed it may be truly said, cockney as I am, 
 that I have lived in London all my life, and a much greater sim- 
 pleton in reality than the clodhoppers, as they are called." 
 
 " True, uncle/' .replied Sprightly, (l you could not have ex- 
 pected to witness such tricks arid fancies in the counting-house 
 of a bookseller's shop. If so, our pilgrimage in search of ad- 
 ventures must have proved nothing else but * stale, flat, and un- 
 profitable/ " 
 
 " Every man to his trade/' observed Flourish ; " call it art* 
 if you please, for every thing out of doors appears to me to be 
 reduced to a complete science. You are robbed, according to a 
 system laid down for the purpose ; cheated, likewise, after the 
 rules of art ; and however knowing* or experienced a man may 
 consider himself, in the excitement of the moment, he generally 
 gets duped, and becomes a VICTIM ! Plausibility is a very in- 
 sidious mode of attacking the senses." 
 
 " It is the novelty of the attack which beats you/' answered 
 Turf; " but, after all, you have not had much reason to com- 
 plain you have been punished but very little for your credulity. 
 However, if you please, worthy Pilgrims, we will take a view 
 of the horses who are about to start, and if you are fond of the 
 
164 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 sight of high-bred animals, I flatter myself you will be much 
 gratified." 
 
 " Any where you like," said Makemoney ; ' we cannot do 
 wrong, in my opinion, when under your especial care, my friend 
 Turf; at least, I flatter myself we are as safe as when under 
 our own roof." 
 
 " Such confidence, on your part," replied Turf, " would be 
 rather blind than otherwise. It is true, 1 might be able to point 
 out to you several improper places that you ought to avoid visit- 
 ing ; but there are moments upon a race-course, when, expe- 
 rienced as 1 am in the ways of the world, I have found it, as the 
 term goes, ' dangerous to be safe.' Rest assured, 1 am never 
 too confident. 
 
 " However, pleasure is now the order of our movements, so 
 let us push forwards to the startin<r-post." 
 
 Makemoney, in his progress to the appointed place was de- 
 lighted with the general view of the Course, w r hich was not 
 deficient in point of fashion, elegance, or female beauty. He 
 enjoyed the promenade irreatly, and observed to Turf, " You 
 may laugh at me as much as you please, but I am certainly 
 proud of my country, and the NATIONALITY of it the feature 
 throughout is independence to the echo ! The inmates of the 
 splendid barouche and four, embellished with a coronet to give 
 it importance in the eyes of the vulgar, put up with the most 
 convenient place the coachman can find upon the Course ; while 
 the proprietor of the donkey and pair of hampers, with articles 
 le thinks and acts upon it, that he is entitled to the same 
 privilege in this free country : and it is this view of the thing 
 w r hich proves so grateful to my feelings, and makes me proud 
 that I am an ENGLISHMAN!" 
 
 " If I had the power of bestowing the honor of knighthood 
 to any man of my acquaintance," said Turf, " it should be upon 
 you, Makemoney, as a real specimen of the true John Bull. 
 Ha! ha! ha!" 
 
 At this instant a dashingly dressed sort of man, but more like 
 a Frenchman in every point of view, than a native of England, 
 hurried by Turf, giving him a familiar nod. " I cannot help 
 smiling," observed the latter, at the contrast which has just 
 paned me. He is an Englishman from top to toe, con- 
 nected with birth, parentage, and education : but on the con- 
 trary his delight is always to express himself in favour of other 
 countries ; and to run down in the severest style the bad taste 
 of his own. I believe it is admitted that he has travelled a little 
 and he is well known at the West end of the town by the 
 co^nomenation of Captain Grand ; or Jack the boaster! ! ! He is 
 quite a character arid fur a romance, I think 1 may say, lie is 
 matchless ! I do not mean to urge that he lies with the intention 
 f doing mischief to the persons he talks about but merely to 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 165 
 
 give himself an air of importance in the eyes of society to be 
 looked upon as a man of consequence. He knows, or pretends 
 to know, every body who has attained any thing- like eminence 
 with the public ! Dukes and Lords he mentions as his friends 
 with the greatest familiarity ; and authors, poets, painters, ac- 
 tresses, and actors, he will become acquainted with, if impu- 
 dence can assist him. He does not wait for any introduction ; 
 but contrives by some means or another, as it were, to throw 
 himself in their way, and then gives an account of himself 
 apologising- for the liberty he has taken with them ! But the ad- 
 dress of Captain Grand, I must confess, is rather prepossessing 
 than otherwise ; and he is tolerably well informed on most of 
 the topics of the day. He possesses a trifling- independence, 
 which enables him to dress w r ell at all times added to econo- 
 mical habits he manages to keep up the appearance of a gen- 
 tleman. He is to be seen at all the public places of amusement 
 but he contrives never to pay at any of them except when 
 dire necessity compels him to shew the cash indeed, he is well 
 known at all of the theatres in the metropolis as the ' very 
 orderly g-entleman !' The Captain is likewise ready at all times 
 to accept of invitations to dinners ; and to act the ' amiable* 
 upon every occasion when he has not to put his hand into his 
 own pockets : he adopts the well-known adage to the spirit and 
 letter of it that " fools make feasts, and w T ise men eat them !" 
 He is a most excellent card plover which is a kind of adventi- 
 tious income for him and for his knowledge and coolness at 
 whist and cribbage, he is equal, if not superior to most other 
 persons in private companies, however competent 1 hey might be, 
 from possessing a thorough knowledge of the above games. But 
 to do justice to Captain Grand, I never heard him called as a 
 cheat, yet I do not remember ever to have heard that he lost a 
 game upon any occasion: by which luck, as he called it, he was 
 never short of ready money. In company he always renders 
 himself a feature a kind of pocket chronologist to his friends 
 by which knowledge he has established for himself the charac- 
 ter of a reference. 
 
 " Yet notwithstanding his accuracy in the above points, when- 
 ever any opportunity offers that he can get upon stills he be- 
 comes a perfect Munchausen, by the most outrageous improba- 
 bilities which he puts forth ; and should his veracity be doubted, 
 he declares, upon his honor, that he has too much regard for the 
 truth, to deviate from it, in the slightest particular. 
 
 " He is an immense favorite with young persons who have 
 not seen much of the world. Grand is a most excellent judge 
 of his company ; he soon finds out their weak points and if he 
 can victimise in a genteel manner, he never hesitates ; but then 
 he has the art of doing it with so much grace and pleasantry, 
 that he appears rather to be conferring a favour than accepting 
 of one. 
 
 
166 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 (t However, he has more than once been roughly handled for 
 boasting- of having received favours from ladies of whom he 
 has been detected in not having the slightest knowledge : 
 and, in his own opinion, he fancies himself the most deci- 
 sive ' Lady-killer' in the kingdom. Therefore, my worthy Pil- 
 grims, should he ever cross your path, you will know how 
 to treat him if not prove a complete match for ' Jack the 
 boaster !' " 
 
 " We never can repay you, Sir, for such practical advice," re- 
 plied Sprightly ; " illustrated by facts, and demonstrated in so 
 clear and pleasing a manner. For my part, I could listen to 
 such narratives for ever !" 
 
 " We have no time to lose," answered Turf; ft let us go and 
 look at the racers ! Those terrible high-bred cattle, as the man 
 with the lists designates them : thfey are my delight ; I am not 
 ashamed to acknowledge it, and those gentlemen who patronize 
 the breed of race horses, in my humble opinion ought not to be 
 classed under the title of Gamesters ! It is a sport which ought 
 to he encouraged ; and breeding such fine cattle is an honor to 
 the country \" 
 
 " Much as I am against gambling," said Makemoney, (( I ad- 
 mire, and would encourage the breed of race horses." 
 
 " Notwithstanding there are great prejudices entertained 
 against the sporting world." replied Turf, " it cannot be denied 
 that it offers great encouragement towards promoting the breed 
 of horses, dogs, &c. and many noblemen and gentlemen, attached 
 to British sports, prove the means of giving employment to 
 thousands of persons, who otherwise might remain idle, and be- 
 come burthensome to their parishes ! I am ready to admit that 
 the attractions of races are alluring to the high-spirited, the 
 thoughtless, and unwary persons, to speculate their money ; that 
 ruin precipitate ruin, is often the serious consequences, before 
 any such result is anticipated." 
 
 " Your candour is admirable," observed Flourish ; " but if 
 men will run headlong beyond their means, and plunge into 
 difficulties without any why or wherefore, such inconsiderate 
 characters must take the consequences upon themselves, and 
 ought to be punished for their temerity." 
 
 " Ambition is also a great feature in the sporting world, like 
 other movements in life," urged Turf ; " some gentlemen wish 
 to possess the best stud in the kingdom a crack pack of hounds, 
 and superior animals of every description ; and no doubt 
 great sums of money have been expended in this manner. It 
 also cannot be denied that many characters are to be met with 
 who obtain a livelihood on the chance of the thing ; but, never- 
 theless, it does not follow that all sporting gentlemen are 
 GAMBLERS : indeed, the contrary is the fact. There are num- 
 bers of breeders, and names might be mentioned, who never 
 risk a shilling on any event in a gambling point of view." 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 167 
 
 Turf had scarcely finished the above remarks, when Sprightly, 
 quite in ecstacy, roared out to Flourish, " There she is ! " 
 
 " Who? the Duchess !" asked Flourish. 
 
 " No, no ! talk of snow before the sun/' replied Sprightly, 
 " but the female with the fine bust, who excited so much atten- 
 tion amongst us at the sporting-booth at Greenwich ; and she is 
 giving a very familiar nod to you, Mr. Turf, accompanied with 
 a pleasing smile." 
 
 " Indeed/' said Turf, " then I must return it," and kissed his 
 hand to her ; " I perceive it is Charlotte " 
 
 " Charlotte ! who ? " asked Makemoney. " Has that most 
 lovely woman no other designation but plain Charlotte ? " 
 
 " No other at present ; in fact, she has undergone so many 
 appellations/' replied Turf, ' that I am quite at fault as to her 
 real name, and that is the truth of the matter. I have, my dear 
 uneasy Pilgrims ha ! ha ! ha ! no anxiety to conceal it from 
 you." 
 
 " Then I suppose she has been married several times/' ob- 
 served Flourish. 
 
 " That circumstance does not follow/' said Turf ; " the lady 
 in question is fond of variety, and does not continue in the same 
 mind long together. Charlotte has been one of the pretty play- 
 things of fortune, and her run of good luck has been almost 
 unequalled. She is prodigal, changeable, and extravagant, to 
 the echo ! Charlotte is a most dangerous acquaintance ; and if 
 you never know any more about her but plain Charlotte, that 
 will be quite enough, I assure you." 
 
 " Old as I am/' replied Makemoney, '* I must confess her 
 looks are cent, per cent, in her favor." 
 
 " Say no more at present the horses are about to start," ob- 
 served Turf, singing a few lines of the much-admired ballad of 
 Charles Dibdin, Esq. 
 
 See the Course throng'd with gazers, the sports are begun 
 What confusion, but hear! I'll bet you, sir. Done ! done J 
 Ten thousand strange rumours resound far and near, 
 Lords, hawkers, and jockeys, assail the tir'd ear: 
 While, with neck like a raiabow, erecting his crest," 
 Pamper'd, prancing, and pleasM, his head touching his breast, 
 Scarcely snuffing the air, he's so proud and elate, 
 The High-mettled RACER first starts for the plate ! 
 
 Look out, my worthy Pilgrims now they are off. What a de- 
 lightful sight to a lover of race-horses a handkerchief might 
 cover the whole of them. How charmingly Juno moves her 
 legs she's a picture of a horse ; there is nothing half like her 
 on the Course for beauty, blood, bone, and action. My eyes, 
 how finely they get over the ground. The mare wins the cup 
 for a thousand ! Done ! Once more if you like it ! Done ! 
 I'll do it again, sir ! You do, to the end of the chapter. Juno's 
 not the favorite. I don't care for that she's my favorite ; and 
 that's quite enough for me to lay upon her. Bar Spindls, 
 
168 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 Shanks, and Harlequin, and I'll take Juno against the field ! 
 There's racing- for you did you ever see such whipping and 
 slashing ? Beautiful jockeyship ! Neck and neck ! What 
 good ones ! It must be a dead heat ! No, no nothing like it ! 
 Huzza ! Juno's got the lead ! She keeps it ! What a plunge ! 
 Go along, my lovely Juno ! She passes the winning cup ! 
 That's the time of day ! Huzza! huzza ! huzza ! " 
 
 After the excitement had in some degree abated, in^which 
 the Pilgrims appeared delighted beyond measure, and expressed 
 the pleasure they had felt in witnessing the race, to Turf ; 
 " I should prove a very had one to make a bet upon such 
 hasty terminations ; great knowledge must be required respect 
 ing the speed and various qualities of the different horses engag- 
 ed in the contest/' observed Makemoney. 
 
 "You are perfectly right, sir/' replied Turf; "judgment, 
 tact, nerve, and courage, are required to win upon several occa- 
 sions. Let me ask you, gentlemen Pilgrims, can there be a 
 finer sight than to view a race well contested ? You have an 
 opportunity of beholding the beauty of the animals, their high 
 state of breeding, fine action, and the spirit with which the 
 horses enter into the scene, and who appear to possess as much 
 anxiety to pass their competitors as the interested and 
 clever jockies upon their backs. The view from one end of 
 the course to the other, is one of the finest pictures of anxiety, 
 impressed upon the countenances of all present, that can be 
 witnessed, respecting* the results of the race eagerly look- 
 ing out for the winning horse. It is sharp work, while it lasts, 
 both for the men and cattle ; and in the short space of a few 
 fleeting minutes, thousands of pounds change masters !" 
 
 " It is this view of horse racing that alarms me/' said Make- 
 money, " and reduces the pleasure of the thing to my economic 
 ideas ; yet, I am noniggard, and to be merry and wise, is my 
 motto." 
 
 "But it is only the indiscreet, desperate, imd foolish men, who 
 risque their ALL upon a race ; such things have occurred I re- 
 gret to say," replied Turf ; " yet they seldom happen ; and when 
 men, who possess the slightest common sense, cannot commit 
 any thing like such mad-brained errors faults, I ought to have 
 called them. Too true, we have seen the pistol and razor put a 
 violent end to the career of such thoughtless characters ; yet, it 
 is equally well-known that speculations of a widely different 
 nature, have produced on the minds of some men similar horrid 
 results ! However, I should not wish to appear too harsh on 
 the subject ; yet, such men can only be classed with madmen 
 and cowards." 
 
 " You hi3ve properly classed such characters under the deno- 
 mination of madmen and fools !" said Makemoney, " to be re- 
 duced from a state of affluence to beggary, owing to the stride 
 of a horse !" 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL 169 
 
 ** But mark the difference, my dear Peter, your career and 
 rise in life has been of so reversed a character, I speak it with- 
 out offence ! You, my friend Makemoney, have been taught 
 from experience, the value of a single farthing., half-pence, 
 shillings, and pounds ! You have placed the various coins upon 
 the top of each other until they multiplied into a large sum ; 
 and thus, step by step, ultimately produced a fortune ! 
 
 66 But, on the contrary, the gentleman you heard offer to 
 bet six hundred to four hundred pounds, was never taught 
 practically the value of money. He has never been called upon, 
 under any circumstances whatever, to earn a single shilling to- 
 wards his subsistence, or to furnish himself with clothes, pay his 
 rent, &c. He was born a gentleman, a fortune ready 'cut and dried 
 to his hands, and solely indebted to his ancestors for every far- 
 thing that he possessed in the world ; and according to the 
 vulgar proverb ' He was born with a silver spoon in his 
 mouth !' Therefore, whatever sums, large or small, he offers to 
 bet, does not alarm his feelings in the slightest degree ; he only 
 thinks of winning, and relies upon his income to bring him 
 through upon every event ! Such are the different habits of 
 mankind ; and while you, Peter, very properly, look upon the 
 immense risque of losing six hundred pounds, well knowing 
 the great difficulty of realizing such a sum of money by your 
 exertions in trade, the sporting gentleman views it as a mere 
 bagatelle even when called upon to pay his losings." 
 
 " I must admit," replied Makemoney, " you have placed the 
 matter, in doubt to me, in a more clear light ; and it certainly 
 does account for the vast sums of money that are lost upon 
 race horses, and other species of gambling, with so much 
 indifference of feeling. However, such sort of conduct, after 
 all, remains to me a perfect enigma/' 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! you do not understand the matter," said 
 Turf, "it might turn out, the gentleman alluded to, who 
 offered six hundred to four hundred pounds, did not risque 
 that particular sum as a dead loss, supposing the event to come 
 off against him, he having laid the above sum merely to suit his 
 book. And much, my dear friend, as you have been acquainted 
 with books in general, the book in question is an ODD volume 
 that you have no touch of. Although, to those persons who are 
 familiar with such transactions, it is as clear that two and two 
 make four ; and perfectly, according to the system of Cocker." 
 
 " Neither do I wish to be instructed in such a book ; for rest 
 assured, ignorance in such matters is perfect bliss ! Where 
 hundreds of pounds are disposed of, as a matter of course ; and 
 hand fulls of bank notes paid over to each other, with as much 
 indifference as the most trifling milk-score," observed Make- 
 money. " No, I again repeat, that ignorance is bliss ; and I 
 should set myself down as the greatest fool in existence, if I so 
 far forgot myself as to risque my property in such a manner ; / 
 
 2 A 
 
170 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 really think I should not be able to sleep for a month afterwards 
 if one thousand pounds of mine depended upon the stride of 
 a horse. 
 
 " It is true, that I have read of a certain dashing courtezan,* 
 to shew one of her admirers the contempt she set upon the 
 value of money ; a naval officer of high rank, made her a pre- 
 sent of a hundred pound note, after a very short acquaintance 
 with her person. She called the waiter, and ordered two thin 
 slices of bread and butter, when she placed the one hundred 
 pound note between them, aud to the surprise of the officer, 
 swallowed them with a cup of tea ; observing- at the same time, 
 with a sneer ' Thus should all misers be treated, who put no 
 value upon the charms of the female sex!'" 
 
 "I have no doubt but you speak the truth," replied Turf, 
 ec according to your feeling's ; but as many men have many minds, 
 and as betting, in any shape, is a mere matter of taste, we 
 will drop the subject, and look out for something- more in unison 
 with your ideas. But laying- of wag-ers is the very life and soul 
 of some men ; and if they are not personally interested in the 
 money transactions on a race, or upon any other contest, they 
 view it with the most perfect indifference. The minds of some 
 men must be continually excited, as well as the body, to bring 
 them into action ; and there are to be found, in all sorts of 
 society, individuals, who can talk of nothing- else but sporting- 
 events. Others ag-ain, on the opera, musical parties, &c. The 
 drama, and the play-house is the very idol of some folks ! The 
 conversation and love of books, by others, often prove a great 
 annoyance to some companies ; there fore, my friend Makemoney, 
 it is hig-hly necessary, as the world is constituted, that we should 
 not think alike." 
 
 "Excellent advice," replied Flourish, " and we humble 
 Pilgrims, as to the ways of the world, are little better than non- 
 entities, in your presence ; we must look up to you, sir, as our 
 oracle, fing-er-post, Mentor, guide, indeed, every thing-, in our 
 present situation ; and as we are out upon a tour of observation, 
 men and manners being our decided objects in view, we are 
 highly indebted to your observations !" 
 
 " I hope I am not too troublesome, nor inquisitive," said 
 Sprightly to Turf; " by asking if you at all know that gentle- 
 man on the box of the splendid barouche, on the other side of 
 the Course ; there is something about his appearance, that be- 
 speaks him a public character, if not, a man who paid more than 
 ordinary attention to his toilette ? It might be said of him, that 
 he had just stepped out of a band-box ; there is so much nicety 
 about his person!" 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! You might have been farther off the bull's 
 eye ; but I only know him, from report," replied Turf, " as 
 
 * The celebrated KITTY FISHER, of infamous memory. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 171 
 
 being- one of the fools of fortune ! He is an outside man all 
 show, and designated in the fashionable world ' The man with- 
 out a head !" He came out with a princely fortune a large 
 sack full of gold ; but as it is said| that charity covers a multi- 
 tude of sins, it might as well be observed, that riches are an ex- 
 cuse for the committal of a great many foibles ! At all events, 
 he has not been a selfish character ! and scorned to keep so 
 large a stock of money to himself, but distributed it in all man- 
 ner of shapes, for the good of the community ; yet he comes 
 under the denomination of a, fool, for his liberality ; for a time, 
 he was a good victim ; but necessity ultimately gave him an- 
 other kind of insight into the views of mankind, when he was 
 compelled to adopt a military phrase to halt! 
 
 " During' his career, he paid attention to the daughter of a 
 person of very high rank in the country, and offered her his hand 
 and fortune ; but she rejected the proposal with the utmost dis- 
 dain, observing- to her parent, who rather urged the match as an 
 advantag-eous one ' If I marry the man who has proposed for 
 me, I must worship his riches, his person only will be for me to 
 look upon ; for he has not got a head upon his shoulders !' This 
 remark was more severe than just the lady was haughty, 
 proud, and aristocratic ; and would not ally herself to any per- 
 son but one who boasted of a long line of ancestry. However, 
 he possesses the manners of a gentleman polite, good-natured, 
 and affable ; and although he might never be selected to fill the 
 situation of one of our judges, he is not without Robin]Roughhead's 
 qualification to make his way through the world, who observed 
 ' If he had not got it in his head, he had it in his pockets !' and 
 that is a general passport in all countries !" 
 
 The races were now over, and the company fast quitting the 
 Course ; when Turf observed, " We will now make the best of 
 our way to my cottage." 
 
 The 'Pilgrims most cheerfully acquiesced with Turf's propo- 
 sition ; but, previous to their quitting the race-ground, Sprightly 
 and his uncle kept a sharp look out to have another peep at the 
 female with the fine bust ; and Flourish was equally on the 
 alert to ascertain if the Duchess and her two daughters were 
 present. Nothing like either of the ladies were to be seen, 
 and the pursuit was given up for the charms of a good dinner. 
 The Pilgrims were wafted across the Thames in the ferry-boat, 
 and the cottage of Turf soon presented itself to their notice. 
 
 The exterior of this had but little to attract the attention 
 of the spectator, except neatness ; indeed, any thing like a 
 style of architecture was entirely out of the question : yet it 
 was a comfortable, convenient looking erection wind and wea- 
 ther proof and well known as the seat of friendship and 
 hospitality. 
 
 But the interior of it was a perfect treat to the visitor 
 every thing to be seen was consistently in keeping with the 
 
172 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 name of a cottage ; and this view of the thing was the highest 
 ambition of Charles Turf. It was, according to his own cha- 
 racter of the building, erected under the idea of being a con- 
 tented happy spot for himself, and to prove in reality of the 
 same description to all his acquaintances and friends. 
 
 The dinner he gave to the Pilgrims did not display any thing 
 like extravagance nor ostentation ; but, nevertheless, the good 
 things of this life were found in abundance upon the table. 
 
 After the removal of the cloth, and the wine began freely to 
 circulate amongst them, Makemoney called upon Turf to give 
 them a toast ; when the latter filled up a bumper, and said, 
 " A contented mind, a hundred to one, against any other con- 
 sideration in life." 
 
 " Bravo ! " exclaimed Flourish; "you appear to me one of 
 the happiest mortals I ever met with in society, and I should be 
 highly gratified, as you sporting gentlemen say, to take a leaf 
 out of your book, by way of instruction." 
 
 " And so should I," echoed Sprightly ; " practice against 
 theory for my money/' 
 
 " And, ancient as I am/' said Makemoney, <e it has always 
 been my decided opinion that a man is never too old to learn ; 
 therefore, my worthy friend Turf, just give us an outline of 
 your notions of life." 
 
 " With all my heart," replied Turf, " if it will afford you Pil- 
 grims the slightest gratification whatever. I have my dog and my 
 gun, whenever I feel inclined for a turn amongst the feathered 
 tribe : I have also three or four horses, which answer all the pur- 
 poses I require ; and my cabriolet I prefer to any sort of carriage ; 
 for pride and ostentation do not belong to my notions of life. 
 
 66 My house is my castle ; but, nevertheless, I retire to rest 
 without using a single bolt I ought to have said the COTTAGE 
 of CONTENT my peaceful retreat and abode where Charles 
 Turf may always be found happier than a King, because all his 
 wants are gratified, and every desire is within his reach I envy 
 no one. 
 
 " I am, at times, an angler ; although not so decided a fisher- 
 man as Izaak Walton. My greyhounds, I flatter myself, are 
 equal to any ever seen in the kingdom ; and a day's coursing not 
 only affords me great pleasure, but tends to invigorate my con- 
 stitution. 
 
 " My fortune is not great, but, nevertheless, it is ample ; and 
 I am perfectly satisfied with my income, which not only makes 
 me truly happy and comfortable, but it enables me to make 
 persons understand that I can feel and assist the wants of 
 others. I am as free in mind as the air I breathe ! I am 
 subject to no control ; and I go here, there, and every where I 
 please. I have nothing to complain of trifles I never suffer to 
 annoy me for an instant ; and I trust I possess enough common 
 sense not to create imaginary evils ! 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 173 
 
 " Although I do not pretend, nor neither am I a politician, yet 
 1 am not insensible to the welfare of my country. I am extremely 
 fond of perusing- the contents of a newspaper, just to see how 
 matters are going* on in the world, and also to prevent appearing 
 ignorant as to the movements of society. My library is not ex- 
 tensive ; neither am I what you call a great reader ; but I should 
 feel I was wrong- if the works of Byron, Scott, Moore, Campbell, 
 Bulwer, and other men of note, were not to be found in it. I 
 cannot be viewed as a literary man ; therefore, on this subject I 
 am afraid I shall appear at fault. 
 
 " My g-arden, in its turn, claims my attention ; flowers afford 
 me great pleasure, and the beauties of nature are ever grateful 
 to my feelings. 
 
 " It is true, I am without a wife, but a greater admirer of 
 matrimony does not exist ; and the only difficulty which presents 
 itself to me on that subject is a proper choice ! However, I 
 have no doubt the time will arrive, and I don't care how soon, 
 that the Cottage of Content will have a mistress to take her 
 place at my table for man was not born for himself! 
 
 " Yet, under all the circumstances of the case, I do not repine, 
 but make myself happy every where. The country I prefer, as 
 to selection for a residence ; but in LONDON I feel contented^ 
 and never grumble if I am detained a day or two longer at any 
 time than 1 intended. 
 
 " It is my maxim not to be too systematic in my movements 
 through life ; then I cannot be made miserable, nor put out of 
 my way. Regularity of conduct is a desirable thing at all times ; 
 but to be too precise, in my humble opinion, often proves disa- 
 greeable to the man who adopts such line of conduct, as well 
 as troublesome to his friends ; therefore, all hours I make agree- 
 able to my feelings. And, if I felt inclined to act upon it, I 
 should, whenever it suited my inclination, ' lie down with the 
 lamb, and rise with the lark.' 
 
 " I am ready to admit that several years elapsed, and not with- 
 out a great deal of trouble, before I obtained the mastery over 
 myself. Perfection is not to be obtained, I am well aware ; but 
 it is the duty of every individual, if he can, to preserve an equa- 
 nimity of temper, if possible, under all circumstances of life. 
 And that is the direct road to happiness." 
 
 " Excellent advice, indeed," said Makemoney, " and such as I 
 did not anticipate from the lively man of the world, Charles 
 Turf more like a philosopher ; and such maxims, if practically 
 adopled, must prove invaluable. Therefore, I hope, brother 
 Pilgrims, you have treasured up every word delivered to us by 
 the host of the Cottage of Content." 
 
 " I have not lost a sentence/' replied Sprightly ; " nay, more, I 
 shall endeavour to act up to the letter and spirit of it, upon all 
 occasions." 
 
 " I am delighted with the opinions of my friend Turf," said 
 
174 THE PILGRIMS OP THE THAMES 
 
 Flourish ; " so much so, that I hope I shall never be found want- 
 ing- to put them into practice." 
 
 " And, with deference to our worthy host," observed Make- 
 money, " I do not think a better opportunity could occur for 
 the recital of the memoirs of Charlotte. A promise to that 
 effect has been made." 
 
 " And it shall be kept," replied Turf ; " I will endeavour to 
 remember her adventures, and also to relate them with truth and 
 fidelity. Yet, 1 am almost afraid that you will be inclined to 
 think there is more an air of romance attached to her cha- 
 racter than reality : but, nevertheless, I pledge myself for the 
 truth of them. However, before I proceed, let me have dis- 
 tinctly all your opinions as to her looks, and that, had you have 
 seen her each alone, without my exciting- your attention towards 
 her history, you mig-ht not have thought it ' stale, flat, and un- 
 profitable/ " 
 
 " Nothing-, sir, rest assured, without flattery/' said Flourish, 
 " can be unprofitable from your remarks ; but I think that gra- 
 vity, united with experience, and the hey-day of blood being 
 over, my much-respected friend Makemoney should be the first to 
 his opinion. At all events, we shall obtain solidity of judg- 
 ment." 
 
 " That is my opinion also/' answered Sprightly. 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! and mine too," urged Turf. " He has had, in 
 the way of business, plenty to do with fine women, and great 
 beauties in the print line, upon whom he might gaze, gaze, and 
 gaze again, without any thing like unpleasant excitement. We 
 shall now perceive what reality may have upon the feelings of 
 Makemoney, when he looks upon the dashing beautiful heroine, 
 displaying all her charms of attraction upon a race course !" 
 
 " Then I am to be laughed at in spite of myself," replied 
 Peter ; "to be quizzed outright, as a piece of ice exhibited as 
 cold as snow and showed up as insensible to the charms of 
 beauty, and a fine woman, as the slippered pantaloon sans 
 eyes, sans taste, sans every thing ! But I think, with defer- 
 ence to my friend Turf, that he has began at the wrong end of 
 the story my opinion ought not to have the weight of a fea- 
 ther in the scale, where loveliness is the theme of discourse. 
 But Flourish, a professed adept in matters of gallantry, ought 
 not merely to give an opinion, dry as a lawyer in consultation 
 over a brief of birthright ; but like an enthusiast on matters of 
 love, which he professes to be, by a rhetorical flourish embracing 
 the analysis of beauty so finely depicted by Hogarth ; and not to 
 have placed the weight upon the shoulders of a man in the down- 
 hill of life !" 
 
 " My dear Makemoney," replied Turf, " you have read a 
 great number of books, I am aware; and published the memoirs 
 of several extraordinary characters, both male and female ! But 
 the story, I am about to relate to you and your brother Pilgrims, 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 175 
 
 is decidedly a collection of facts, and which came immediately 
 under my own observation. I am also intimately acquainted 
 with the whole of the parties connected with it : and if I am not 
 able to embellish it with fine metaphors, and apposite quotations, 
 like some of our celebrated writers and novelists I am sure you 
 will take the will for the deed, and if I make any slip or defi- 
 ciency of language, or the introduction of a cant phrase or two, 
 now and then, I feel satisfied you will excuse it." 
 
 " Excuse, Charles Turf," replied Makemoney, " you surely 
 are joking with us ! Tell the story in any manner you please ; 
 and I am sure we shall all be delighted with the memoirs, when 
 they are connected with REAL LIFE ; and also, that we are cer- 
 tain that the relater of them is telling the truth ! . 
 
 " Then, as no opinions are to be had from you, jolly Pilgrims, 
 respecting this ( rare work of nature/ I have only to say, be- 
 ware of the handsome female with the fine bust," urged Turf. 
 " Be on your guard, in case she should ever cross your path. 
 She has positively ruined three, if not four men, and turned the 
 heads of several others ; besides victimizing more thoughtless 
 fellows than I can bring to memory. Indeed, well might 
 Shakespeare exclaim, ' Frailty, thy name is woman!' I again 
 repeat, beware her smiles are a kind of enchantment her nod 
 bewitching her eyes enough ! " 
 
 " I have often been astonished how men can be such fools, led 
 like children by strings, and become the dupes of women, who 
 have nothing else to recommend them than a beautiful face/' 
 said Flourish ; " men may be liberal ; nay, more than generous 
 to a pretty woman ; but to suffer themselves to be reduced to 
 beggary and want, are not deserving of any thing like pity." 
 
 " Do not be too fast/' replied Turf ; " you are young, and 
 perhaps inexperienced ; but, in the course of my life, I have 
 known some of the deepest men, who have been in every other 
 transaction of their lives positively misers ; yet, when women 
 have been the source of attraction, and men, who have been 
 fast descending into the vale of years " 
 
 " Stop, stop, my dear Turf ; have the kindness to leave old 
 men out of the question," observed Makemoney, (( or you will 
 frighten me out of my wits. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Old men in love, 
 I know, are the greatest fools in existence. But proceed." 
 
 " All men, either young or old, in my opinion, are all fools in 
 a greater or less degree, in matters of love. But to my narrative; 
 and, as it is not the very witching time of night," replied Turf, 
 " there is no necessity for you jolly Pilgrims to be alarmed." 
 
 " Not in the least/' said Sprightly ; " but, on the contrary, 
 we are quite on the qui vive to hear your story." 
 
 " Well, then, without further preface," answered Turf, " here 
 begins: This splendid piece of work one of the freaksof ^-na- 
 
 ture Miss Charlotte Par no matter, the name is not essential 
 
 to the fact was first discovered in the streets of London as a 
 
176 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 match-girl, near St. Paul's Cathedral. Neither is her birth, pa- 
 rentage, or education, necessary at all to make out my tale ! 
 Miss Par being- herself, alone. Her appearance was ex- 
 tremely ragged, with habiliments scarcely enough to cover her 
 person ; without stockings or shoes her face almost as black as 
 a sweep, and her legs and feet were covered with mud and 
 dirt. 
 
 " Her voice, however, was truly musical nay, harmony itself 
 and her cry of matches, or rather a sort of chant, was highly 
 attractive, as she walked through the streets with her basket 
 under her arm : 
 
 Come, buy my good matches come, buy 'em of me 
 They are the best matches you ever did see ! 
 I cry my good matches at fam'd Charing Cross, 
 Where sits a black man upon a black horse. 
 I cry my good matches all thro' the street.! 
 Where many good people I often do meet ! 
 
 The match-girl was born in misery, and reared in beggary ; and 
 the few halfpence she collected in the character of a * female 
 timber-merchant/ as her companions in poverty designated her, 
 were barely sufficient to procure for her half a bellyful of food : 
 in fact, almost starvation stared her in the face. She had no 
 friends nor relatives to apply to for help or succour. Her father 
 she had no knowledge of, and her mother died when she was 
 quite a baby ; yet the friendless match-girl was never heard to 
 grumble at her fate, and went out into the streets, either wet or 
 dry, to seek her scanty pittance early every morning. 
 
 " At length, in one of her daily peregrinations near the Bank 
 of England, her beautiful face and fine person suddenly attracted 
 the attention of a middle-aged wealthy banker (whose intrigues 
 and amours would fill a volume) with, ' Will you please to 
 buy any matches, sir ? Do, sir, buy a ha'porth of a poor girl ! ' 
 The amorous banker was almost rivetted to the spot with sur- 
 prisehe was quite struck with the match-girl, although under 
 such disparaging circumstances ; but when she pressed her suit, 
 he appeared confused, and hesitated for a reply. 'No, no, I do 
 not want any matches/ But appearing to recollect himself, he 
 said, in almost a whisper to her ear, ' If you will go of an er- 
 rand for me, and perform it punctually, I will give you half a 
 crown/ 
 
 " The poverty-stricken match-girl, overjoyed at the idea of 
 receiving half-a-crown so large a piece of his Majesty's coin 
 she had never had in her possession before to call her own re- 
 plied, with an agreeable smile, ' You may depend upon me, 
 sir/ 
 
 " ' Follow me,' said he; ' but do not say a word !' He then 
 retired down an obscure alley to avoid the stare of the persons 
 in the streets ; and also to prevent being recognized by any of 
 his friends or acquaintances near the Bank ; a well-dressed man 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 1/ 
 
 being" seen talking" to a poor match-girl, might have excited 
 some suspicions riot consistent with his character. He pulled 
 out his pocket book, and with a blacklead pencil wrote a few 
 lines on a slip of paper directed to Mrs. - , folded up in 
 the shape of a letter. 
 
 " Upon his putting the note into her hand, he enquired if she 
 could read writing ? ' No, sir/ said she, ' I am no scholard ! 
 I om only a poor ignorant girl, without father, or mother, and 1 
 have not a friend in the world !' 
 
 " 'So much the better/ replied the banker ; ' never mind, I 
 will send you to a good place ; and if you do but mind what the 
 lady bids you to do, you will not repent of it. I have given you 
 a recommendation to her: therefore, my girl, you have only to 
 obey her orders and here is the half-crown for you !' " 
 
 " ' Thanky, kind gentleman ! God bless you, sir, for noticing 
 a poor girl !' answered the dealer in matches. 
 
 " ' I want no thanks/ observed the banker ; 'but make all the 
 haste you can with the note ; and I will call in the evening, to 
 see whether the lady, my friend, approves of you for her servant. 
 You will find her a very nice sort of woman, only obey her 
 commands.' 
 
 " ' That I will/ replied the girl. 
 
 " The banker then departed, and was out of sight in an 
 instant. 
 
 " The wretched match-girl almost cried with joy, to think 
 that she had met with such a charitable, kind-hearted gentle- 
 man, and started off with almost a run to be in time with the 
 note. On her arrival at the house where it was directed, not 
 one hundred miles from the Obelisk, in St. George's Fields, and 
 knocking- at the door she was rudely assailed with a gruff' voice, 
 not very pleasing, or harmonious to her ear ' Go along you 
 dirty bunter, how dare you disturb people when they are at 
 breakfast, to leave it to answer such beasts as you are ? Go 
 along, I tell youwe want none of your blackguard matches ! 
 Go along, or else ' 
 
 " ' Don't be angry, ma'am/ replied the girl, < I have got a 
 letter for the lady of the house/ 
 
 "' Got what? Oh! a letter aye, that alters the case. 
 Where did you bring it from? Give it me/ 
 
 "'I don't know, ma'am, I'm sure/ replied the match-girl. 
 ' A gentleman sent me with it !' 
 
 " The letter was taken in to the mistress of the house, while 
 the wretched girl stood trembling at the door, waiting the result. 
 
 " But to the poor girl's surprise, the mistress came running to 
 the door, with a smiling face, and said ' Come in, my child : I 
 am glad to see you. Such a recommendation makes you heartily 
 welcome to me. I will make you happy and comfortable. So 
 come in, come in, my dear/ 
 
 " After this kind salutation from the mistress of the house 
 
 2 B 
 
178 THE PILGRIMS OP THE THAMES 
 
 the seryant immediately altered her tone, and endeavoured to 
 keep pace,- if not outstrip her employer in kindness ' La ! my 
 girl, I am werry sorry I kept you so long- at the door in the cold, 
 and spoke so roughly to you. But we are assailed by so many 
 wretches continually, that I am tired of giving- answers to them ; 
 if I had have known you had been so well recommended to my 
 mistress I would not, for the vorld, have behaved so queer to 
 you ! But you must excuse it and now I knows as how you 
 belongs to sumbody, I'll make it up to you in civility, that's wot 
 I will/ 
 <( The contents of the note ran thus : 
 
 " My Dear Mrs. Feelnot, 
 
 " Obey my orders instantly ! Spare no expence 
 
 respecting the bearer of this note: she suits my taste ! I found her by accident 
 in the streets, not half-an-hour since I never saw her before but no matter. 
 Make a bonfire of her wretched garments, and attire her in every thing new, in 
 that sort of dress which accords with my fancy. New, I say, from head to foot! 
 Ablution will be highly necessary; for she appears, to me, to have been sadly 
 neglected ; and it is my intentions to better her prospects in society. I will be 
 with you about nine o'clock this evening, when, I have no doubt, the transfor- 
 mation will be effective; and the hitherto wretched, beggarly match-girl, have 
 something like the appearance of a well dressed female ! Do not tell her, at pre- 
 sent, my name, or situation in life. In great haste, 
 
 " Your's, &c., 
 
 " HENRY IMPULSE.'* 
 
 44 P S. You will also provide a nice little supper ; and let the Champagne be 
 of the finest quality. You know 1 am particular in the wines I drink. 
 
 " ' What is your name, my dear girl ? ' asked the mistress of 
 the house ; ' that is, your Christian name will be quite sufficient 
 at present ; and, although we are quite strangers to each other, 
 we shall soon be on more intimate terms, I'll warrant ye so 
 make yourself cheerful and happy in every respect. It was a 
 lucky moment for you when you met with my friend, and whom 
 you may now call your friend/ . 
 
 " ' CHARLOTTE PAR / replied the girl. 
 
 " ' Quite enough ! quite enough ! ' answered Mrs. Feelnot ; 
 < but the sooner you get rid of those dirty, wretched, filthy, 
 stinking, disagreeable, nay, disgusting rags, the better. They 
 are odious in my eyes. I hate the sight of decent poverty, much 
 more the extreme extent of it. But those days are over with 
 you now, my dear girl ; if you but mind what I say to you, and 
 follow the instructions I will give you for your future conduct in 
 life, you may become a rich and bright woman yet/ 
 
 " The poor match-girl, although tolerably well versed in 
 matters of low life, and who had so often endured the rude 
 elements in the streets with scarcely a rag to cover her person, 
 often wet through to the skin, and who had no place to dry her 
 clothes, except during the time they were upon her back, as she 
 strolled through the courts and alleys ; meeting with little else 
 but rebuffs from one passenger to another, when she solicited 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 179 
 
 any person to buy her matches was all amazement at this ma- 
 gical-\ike turn in her affairs, and the kind reception she had met 
 with from Mrs. Feelnot. She had not the slightest idea of the 
 real cause of it that she was to become the victim of lust and 
 depravity ; and her youth and beauty it were that had attracted 
 the rich banker. The prospect likewise of gain base, sordid 
 lucre in the mind of the mistress of this house of iniquity, was 
 the sole cause of her soothing-, insinuating 1 manner, to prepare 
 the way for the downfall and ruin of one of her own sex ! 
 
 " ' Come, my dear Charlotte/ said she, * we must see if we 
 cannot, by the aid of a little scented soap and warm water, make 
 that pretty-looking- face of yours in the dirt even more hand- 
 some, when it is rendered nice and clean ! And remember, my 
 dear g-irl, that cleanliness and attention to your person should be 
 one of the very first considerations to a female on her outset in 
 the world/ 
 
 " ' Most certainly, ma'am/ replied Charlotte, ' I shall mind 
 what you say, and endeavour to improve myself under your 
 directions/ 
 
 " ' Well said, my g-irl/ replied Mrs. Feelnot, ' I am not afraid 
 but you will soon become an apt scholar I like your readiness. 
 Now I look at you, Charlotte, your hair is terribly out of order ; 
 but I will soon have it rectified by my hair-dresser, who is a 
 clever fellow nay, one of the first chaps in the metropolis, for 
 having- the art to set off a pretty face to the greatest advantag-e. 
 
 " ' Here, Betty, run immediately to Jem Nicecut, and tell 
 him I shall want him, in the course of an hour or two, to put a 
 young- lady's head in order, and to be particular to his time/ 
 Betty was off like a shot ; a nod or a wink was quite sufficient : 
 she was a complete adept in all the arts and manoeuvres of her 
 mistress, in the way of infamy, added to a knowledg-e of the 
 worst part of society, particularly where unfortunate females 
 were the objects in view. 
 
 " On Betty's return from the hero of the curling- irons, her 
 mistress told her ( to make up a g-ood fire, for I am determined 
 those horrid rag-s belonging to this neglected, dear girl, shall be 
 consumed to ashes in a few minutes, and no traces whatever of 
 them remain, either to annoy the feelings of Miss Charlotte, or 
 to appear odious in my sight. Is the warm water quite ready, as 
 we are in want of it immediately ? ' 
 
 " The bath, ma'am, only waits for the use of Miss Charlotte/ 
 replied the wary servant ; ' and you will find every thing quite 
 ready and convenient for your purpose/ 
 
 " ' Come, my dear girl/ said Mrs. Feelnot, ' we have no time 
 to lose ; and you will soon find yourself quite another person/ 
 
 " The poor match-girl was like a person in a trance ; she 
 could scarcely believe her own ears, or give credence to her 
 eyes. Such kindness, great attention, and preparation, in the 
 course of two or three fleeting hours ! Her naked feet, from 
 
180 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 pacing- through the cold wet streets, now enjoying the warmth 
 and luxury of a splendid Turkey carpet magnificent mirrors 
 rich curtains sofas with every thing to correspond respecting 
 the household furniture ! Sinbad the Sailor, in the Valley of 
 Diamonds, could not have been more surprised than the poor 
 match-girl at such a rapid change in her circumstances! 
 
 " ' Now, my dear Charlotte/ said Mrs. Feelnot, placing her 
 person before a very large looking-glass, where she could see 
 herself from head to foot, with a most agreeable smile upon her 
 countenance, i Take a peep for the last time at the poor, wan- 
 dering, neglected, poverty-stricken MATCH-GIRL, who has 
 endured the buffets and scorn of the world. Look again at 
 yourself, and bear well in your mind what you NOW are in the 
 eyes of society! It is worth your consideration. 
 
 " ' But in the course of the day you shall have another peep 
 at your altered appearance, when you will behold in the same 
 mirror the handsome, beautiful Charlotte ! the elegant dressed 
 lady ! the envy of the women, and the admiration of the men. 
 So now, my girl, we will proceed to the toilette, and practically 
 experience the wonders it can perform !' 
 
 " To portray the feelings of the Match Girl, or to describe 
 the suf prize she underwent from the artful mode of proceeding 
 adopted by Mrs. Feelnot, would be quite impossible. A wretched, 
 beggarly, outcast Match Girl in the early part of the day sup- 
 plicating the passenger to buy a halfpenny worth of matches to 
 procure her a bit of bread ; and before the evening in the 
 course of a few fleeting hours to be viewed partaking of an ex- 
 cellent supper surrounded by all the luxuries of life compli- 
 mented on her beauty and shape by a man of taste drinking 
 champagne and other costly wines before the night expired was 
 quite enough, nay, far more than enough, to turn more experi- 
 enced heads than that of a poor match girl without a friend in 
 the world ! But such strange events occur daily in the Metro- 
 polis behind the curtain of real life ! 
 
 " Charlotte underwent the ablutions of the warm bath ; and 
 the scientific Nice-cut, the hair-dresser, practised his art with all 
 the talents in his power, to give her head and face an appearance 
 it had never possessed before. Her ragged clothes had been 
 committed to the flames ; her legs decorated with rich silk 
 stockings, and her feet fitted with the handsomest kid shoes that 
 could be purchased. 
 
 " An elegant silk dress altered to her shape, in the most 
 prompt manner and fashionable style, to give her person and 
 bust the appearance of one of the finest forms that could he 
 imagined. 
 
 " In short, all that ART could bestow upon the person, was 
 resorted to by the experienced Mrs. Feelnot ; to which was 
 added an elegant, massy gold chain placed round her neck ; and 
 some splendid gold rings put on her fingers, to give her hands 
 
IN SEARCH OP THE NATIONA.L. !8l 
 
 an attractive look. Nearly the whole of the day had been con- 
 sumed in trying 1 on and altering- clothes under the direction of a 
 first-rate dress-maker, to render the metamorphose complete, in 
 every point of view. 
 
 " Indeed, so immense a change had been effected in such a 
 short period, that much as Mrs. Feelnot had accomplished in for- 
 mer instances, she felt proud, and congratulated herself on the 
 celerity and good taste she had displayed in thus transforming- a 
 rude, uncultivated, dirty, ragg-ed match-girl, into the appear- 
 ance of a fine lady, and a person for beauty of character that no 
 one could look upon her without admiration. 
 
 " Every thing being- settled to the satisfaction of Mrs. 
 Feelnot, and the transformation realized, she felt determined to 
 see what effect the mirror once more would have upon the 
 senses of the poor girl ! 
 
 " ( Now, my dear Charlotte Miss Charlotte, I should have 
 said you shall take a peep in the mirror, and give me your opi- 
 nion on yourself. You will find the change very great in your 
 person ; but do not be alarmed as it is an appearance you will 
 ever afterwards assume in life$ nay, much better, when you 
 have done growing-, and you become more set as to your figure/ 
 
 " The match-girl made no reply, but, on viewing- herself in 
 the glass, she appeared to be lost in astonishment, and nearly 
 fainted ; her sensations of surprise and joy were so overwhelm- 
 ing that she did not recover herself for some minutes. ' Surely 
 1 am bewitched/ Then bursting out into a fit of laug-hter, af- 
 terwards the tears running- down her cheeks ' I cannot be Char- 
 lotte ! ' when Mrs. Feelnot caught hold of her arm, and said, 
 in an exulting manner, ' You are Miss Charlotte ! But where's 
 the poor, ragged match-girl, now, my dear? Gone for ever ! It 
 is only Miss Charlotte remains with me in her stead. Come, we 
 will quit this apartment for the present, for fear you might be 
 inclined to fall in love with yourself, and become vain.' 
 
 " ' I don't know, ma'am/ replied Charlotte, * how I shall ever 
 make you amends for the trouble you have had with me. I am 
 but a poor ignorant girl, yet I am willing- to learn/ 
 
 (( ' Well, then, only mind what I say, and do as I bid you ; 
 and then you will, my dear Charlotte, be sure to make your way 
 in life. I only want you to be tractable ! But, I am sorry to 
 say, I have done a great deal for several girls in my life-time, 
 but they have nearly all of them proved very ungrateful to me 
 for it. However, I have a better opinion of you, Miss Charlotte 
 there is something- like honesty about your pretty face, that I 
 flatter myself my confidence is not likely to be misplaced/ 
 
 " From this sort of insinuating dialogue, and particular atten- 
 tion paid to her by Mrs. Feelnot, with the addition of * My dear 
 Charlotte ! ' added to almost every sentence that she addressed 
 to her, it cannot be a matter of surprise that the poor match-girl 
 ultimately became an easy prey to the arts of such an experienced 
 
182 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 woman in the ways of infamy, who was too well acquainted 
 with the weak side of the sex not to turn it to her own advan- 
 tage. Flattery was one of her grand attacks to her victims in 
 general ; but, in the present instance, Charlotte was beauty her- 
 self : she possessed it in a very eminent degree ; and if her in- 
 tellect had kept pace with it, the connoisseurs of fine intelligent 
 women might have travelled a long distance before they had 
 met with such a person as the match-girl." 
 
 " Allow me to interrupt your narrative for only a single mo- 
 ment/' said Makemoney ; " but I must give vent to my feelings 
 of indignation. I would have* such a woman as Mrs. Feelnot 
 burnt ! if I had the power of putting such a sentence into practice. 
 Is it not infamous to think that any woman, for the sake of a 
 few filthy pounds, would undertake to destroy the innocence, 
 corrupt the mind, and render a young female odious in the eyes 
 of society for the remainder of her life. Such wretches ought 
 not to be called women females they cannot be : they are no- 
 thing" else but monsters in human shape/' 
 
 " It is impossible to differ in opinion respecting such an infa- 
 mous character," observed Flourish, " but . let me beg of you 
 not to delay the narrative ; therefore, pray, Mr. Turf, proceed." 
 
 " ( Come, my dear Charlotte/ said the mistress of the house, 
 ' we will now drink a health in sparkling champagne to your 
 friend and mine ; for it is to him that you are indebted for all the 
 fine clothes which you now have upon your back. You will find 
 him a very generous man. He is very rich ; and, as to money, 
 he has got a cart-load of it.' 
 
 te ' Sham, wot d'ye call it/ asked Charlotte ; ' I never heard 
 of it before. I don't know not what you mean, ma'am/ 
 
 " ' Why/ replied the mistress, ' I dare say you do not ; but 
 it is wine of the richest quality, and only drank by people of 
 the first consequence in life. But whatever I tell you, Char- 
 lotte, endeavour to keep it in your memory, and become as sen- 
 sible as you can. Gentlemen do not like ignorant women for 
 their companions/ 
 
 " ( I shall do my best to please you, ma'am/ answered Char- 
 lotte, who scarcely knew whether she stood upon her head or her 
 heels ; in fact, she was almost light-headed : the change of 
 clothes and scene she had undergone in the last few hours were 
 too much for her senses. 
 
 "The clock had scarcely struck nine when the wealthy 
 banker appeared, true to his appointment. Impatient to behold 
 the metamorphose wrought in the match-girl, his first question 
 to the mistress of the house was, if she had received a note he 
 had sent to her by a poor girl that morning ? ' 
 
 " ' Yes, sir/ she replied, ' and all your directions have been 
 complied with to the utmost extent ; and, if you will go into the 
 drawing-room, you will be able to judge for yourself/ 
 
 " He immediately repaired to the room, when he saw the 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 183 
 
 match-girl sitting- upon a sofa ; but he was so dazzled with her 
 appearance, that he hastily shut the door, thinking* he had made 
 some mistake, and certainly gone into a wrong- room, He re- 
 turned to Mrs. Feelnot for an explanation ; when she assured 
 him, the female he saw was no other person but the once-rag-g-ed 
 match-girl he had sent to her that morning-/ 
 
 " Impossible ! ' he cried. ' True, I know your tact and in- 
 dustry to perform strange things ; but you certainly are now 
 trying to impose upon me to the best advantage. If not, where 
 are the ragged clothes she had upon her back this morning when 
 I first saw her ? Convince me, by some means or another. Here 
 are no traces left of the poor girl I sent to you.' 
 
 ' The rags they were nothing better than rags upon her, 
 which I immediately committed to the fire. But, you may rely 
 upon it, no trick has been put upon you, sir/ urged the mistress 
 of the house, who soon satisfied him of his error. 
 
 " The match-girl, who had attracted his attention in her 
 ragged habiliments beauty in tatters ! But now, when he saw 
 beauty decked out in all the splendour of fashionable array 
 diamond-like eyes, rendered more sparkling and brilliant by the 
 aid of embellishment and art ! when he saw cheeks, divested 
 of dirt, changed to the ruddy glow of health, with the colour 
 of the rose a Grecian nose, of the handsomest form teeth that 
 no dentist could, with all his skill, have rendered whiter and 
 a form, altogether, that might have challenged competition with 
 the finest woman in the kingdom he could not believe his own 
 eyes, that so beautiful a creature had been obscured under 
 such a bundle of rags ! 
 
 " Without loss of time, he hired a splendid establishment for 
 her in the country, a few miles from London; where they lived 
 together, as man and wife, for some time before any doubts were 
 thrown upon the matter. 
 
 " It is true, he selected her from the streets, for the worst pur- 
 poses ; but he became so strongly attached to her afterwards, 
 that he was determined at all events, to make her his companion 
 for life. He was a rich, bold, and determined man, who did 
 not care a pin for the opinions of the world. He, therefore, 
 had her taught to ride by one of the first equestrians of the 
 day ; and also to dance, by one of the most able profes- 
 sors at the Italian opera. She was likewise instructed to read 
 and speak by a celebrated elocutionist. French, as a matter of 
 course ; in short, he spared no expence to employ masters* of 
 every description, to improve her person and mind, to which he 
 
 * If the scholar should prove an apt one, it is astonishing what may be ac- 
 quired by perseverance and tuition : it is a well-authenticated fact, that the late 
 Countess of Exeter, who was the daughter of an obscure country farmer, in the 
 course of twelve months became a most accomplished woman. The Countess not 
 only reflected great credit on the good taste of the Earl in selecting a female of 
 superior mind for his wife, but also on her exalted situation in life ! 
 
184 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 added his own indefatigable exertions ; and it is but justice to 
 aver, that if Charlotte did not excel in all the lessons she receiv- 
 ed from her various tutors, she, nevertheless, imbibed a sufficient 
 portion of them, to render herself a sensible and agreeable part- 
 ner to her most liberal protector. She, most undoubtedly, 
 would have preferred the character of wife, if she could have 
 prevailed upon her admirer to have given her that title to emi- 
 nence in society ; besides securing* to herself something- like 
 property in case of the death of the wealthy banker ! Yet, 
 Charlotte was l his darling,' as he pronounced her ; and be- 
 sides calling- her his ' TOT ! ' But matrimony was out of the 
 question: however, they lived tog-ether, for several years, in the 
 most perfect harmony, under the designation of the old man and 
 his beautiful mistress. Her conduct was not demure, nor hypo- 
 critical, but bold, lively, and interesting-; in truth, there 
 was nothing- like pretence about her behaviour, and -the banker 
 never evinced the least sig-ns of jealousy. 
 
 "If Charlotte did not show great love towards her protector, 
 she was not deficient in gratitude ; and it had never escaped her 
 memory that the banker had been the cause of removing- her 
 from the depths of misery and deprivation, to the comforts of a 
 splendid living-, and, likewise, g-iving- her an education, which 
 she otherwise would never have obtained under any other cir- 
 cumstances ; therefore, she did not quarrel with her situation in 
 life being* the mistress of the rich banker, Mr. Impulse. She 
 had received many gross insults, and offers, on account of her 
 beauty, from men of rank, during her connection with Impulse ; 
 but she kept them to herself, to prevent a duel on her account 
 so much regard had she for the life of her protector. 
 
 " The banker belonged to that class of persons in society, 
 who come under the denomination of ' not marrying men !' 
 Therefore, any thing like restraint upon his inclination was 
 torture to him ; and hitherto he had been one of the most incon- 
 stant mortals to the sex in general ; and they had been to him 
 nothing more than the mere ' playthings of an hour/ * But the 
 match-girl in her dirty attire, had not only attracted the banker 
 at first sight, in a most extraordinary degree, and after he had 
 had her instructed according to his wishes nay, moulded her to 
 his way of life and manners, no husband in the world could have 
 paid her more attention than he did, or been more fond of a wife. 
 Yet marriage was entirely out of the question. 
 
 " The banker was liberal, even to profusion, in supplying her 
 with money ; and his fascinating Charlotte could not be habit- 
 ed too splendidly for his taste ; and no lady in the land dressed 
 better, or wore clothes of a more costly description, than 
 the late match-girl. In this particular point of view, it might 
 be said, that she possessed an intuitive knowledge ; and 
 never let any opportunity pass, that offered itself respecting the 
 newest fashions, without applying it to herself, and with increas- 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 185 
 
 ed advantage to her personal appearance. But the daazling 
 scene had had its day ; and her anticipated future bright pros- 
 pects were clouded for a short period by an unexpected event 
 the death of the wealthy banker, owing* to an apoplectic fit. 
 Her grief was not an outrageous display of sorrow, but, never- 
 theless, it was sincere ; and it was felt by her in private se- 
 verely, although not recognized in that manner by the public. 
 
 " Her immediate loss was immense the supplies were at an 
 end ; and the relations of the rich banker would have deprived 
 her of every thing she possessed in the world, and, if they could, 
 have again turned her into the streets, to have sought her live- 
 lihood ; but they were defeated. By the sudden demise of her 
 protector, she had not been remembered in his will, although 
 he had promised her to that effect, and no doubt had intended 
 to have kept his promise. But, fortunately for Charlotte, the 
 house she lived in he had purchased for her, in her own name of 
 CHARLOTTE PARTRIDGE. Likewise tHe plate, which bore her 
 initials the jewels household furniture ; in short, every thing 
 belonged to her upon the premises ; and, therefore, decidedly 
 her own property, in spite of all the lawyers in the world to 
 remove a single pin from the threshold. 
 
 " Therefore, her situation in life was far removed from dis- 
 tress ; and, in addition to which, she had contrived to lay by a 
 tolerably round sum of money, from the numerous liberal pre- 
 sents Mr. Impulse had made to her during her residence with 
 him. Public report had circulated in her favour that she had 
 been left a splendid fortune by her late protector, and she had 
 too much good sense to contradict it ; but rather strength- 
 ened such floating information, by the secresy and mystery she 
 always displayed on the subject. 
 
 " This had the desired effect. A beautiful young woman a 
 splendid fortune and a fine establishment cannot excite the 
 least surprise to assert, brought suitors by the score full of love, 
 flattery, professions of friendship, and ready to lay down their 
 lives to promote her happiness. But, from the lessons she had 
 received, during the life-time of her ardent admirer, to beware 
 of the tricks and impositions of the world, together with her 
 own experience, and the recollections of her early days, when 
 she had to walk the streets to sell matches before she could 
 get her breakfast, rendered her not quite so easy a conquest as 
 a number of knowing men in the town had previously antici- 
 pated, and who were totally ignorant of Charlotte's history. 
 
 " She still continued to live in good style, after the decease 
 of Mr. Impulse, but far from a state of extravagance ; and in 
 the ' widow's weeds,' it was thought by her greatest admirers, 
 that she even looked more beautiful than heretofore Char- 
 lotte, at this period of her life, was by no means insensible of 
 her attractions ; nay, more, and determined to make the most 
 
 2 c 
 
186 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 of them : therefore, it is strictly my intention to adhere to the 
 advice of the poets : 
 
 Poets heap virtues, painters, gems at will, 
 And shew their zeal, and hide their want of skill : 
 'Tis well but artists, who can paint or write, 
 To draw the naked is your true delight ! 
 
 " During 1 her residence with the banker, not the slightest 
 whisper was ever heard against her character ; and it is the 
 truth that she conducted herself with all the propriety of an 
 attached wife ; so much did she feel the force of gratitude. 
 But since that period since she has mixed with the gay world, 
 without any person to check any sort of impulse which might 
 have appeared to have a wrong basis, her notions of propriety, 
 virtue, and consistency, have taken quite a different direction ; 
 perhaps, more owing to her acquaintance with fashionable rakes, 
 libertines, rich presuming fools, thoughtless and extravagant 
 fellows ; added to the notions of getting money, through the 
 bad advice of Mrs. Feelnot ; whose first instructions to Charlotte 
 were, to place no value upon mankind, without interested mo- 
 tives completely illustrating the never-to-be-forgotten proverb, 
 that ' Evil communications corrupt good manners/ 
 
 " It is not my wish to ' extenuate, or set down aught in ma- 
 lice/ respecting this beautiful creature ; but it should seem, 
 from her after conduct in life, that Charlotte was one of that 
 class of women who preferred being the mistress of some man 
 of title, or very rich hero, than to become the retired female in 
 domestic life ; and, in spite of all the intreaties and advice she 
 had received from her various tutors, she never could exactly 
 rub off the impressions of her early low origin, which accounts 
 for her Wing fond of fairs. Charlotte was quite in ecstacy on a 
 Race-course delighted beyond expression at the Opera, Thea- 
 tres, or any other situation where bustle, gaiety, and fashiona- 
 ble movements were to be witnessed ; yet it was her most anxi- 
 ous wish, at all times, that she should obtain the character of a 
 genteel woman ! 
 
 " She had an immense deal of tact in her conduct knew 
 well the meaning of finesse ,- and, to entangle her lovers, she 
 was a perfect mistress in the art of pleasing. Charlotte sings 
 well, I must admit, but she dances much better. However, I 
 should say, that she has no touch of real affection j^in her com- 
 position ; but, nevertheless, she has the address a fascinating 
 manner to make all her admirers entertain a strong feeling 
 towards her, that she is quite a creature of attachment, and she 
 only exists in the presence of her lovers ! ' Thus bad begins, 
 but worse remains behind ! ' " 
 
 The servant, at this period, announced to the Pilgrims that 
 the post-chaise ordered to convey them to London had been 
 waiting for some time. Makemoney observed " There is a 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 187 
 
 time for all things ; and, I regret to say, we must bid you fare- 
 well. But you have furnished us with so much amusement, 
 united with good advice pointed out various characters on the 
 Course and, lastly, the interesting- memoir of the MATCH GIRL 
 that I am deficient in words to thank you, my friend Turf. 
 I never spent so happy a day in the whole course of my life : 
 but I shall not rest satisfied until I hear the conclusion another 
 chapter, respecting- Charlotte Partridge. Ha ! ha ! ha ! " 
 
 " I could set up the whole of the nigiit without winking-/' said 
 Flourish, " to become acquainted with the whole of her history." 
 
 " And I for a month/' answered Sprightly ; " I am certain 
 her adventures are of no common description. Match-girls, 
 transformed into women of fortune, are not every day circum- 
 stances/' 
 
 " Depend upon it/' replied Turf, " I will comply with all 
 your wishes the next time we meet over a glass of wine." 
 
 The hands were shaken together in friendship all round ; 
 t( Good night.! " was the last sentence, when the post-boy was 
 ordered to get over the ground as fast as possible ; and in quick 
 time the Pilgrims arrived safe, in whole skins, once more in the 
 City of London. 
 
188 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 The Pilgrims turn Pic-nic-ians ! Why should not a Pic-nic 
 be a medium for a Pilgrimage ? Who's to be there ? 
 Characters of all sorts ; great and small ; learned and un- 
 learned " extremes meet." The preliminaries for start- 
 ing adjusted a slight mistake ! DIAMOND for DIANA, 
 and prospect of no dinner ; possible probability of the 
 provisions presence, and passionate propensity, "pro" 
 pungency, in a pretty petticoat Jl Steamer in hot weather 
 a broiler, and no sinecure ! Makemoney overcome ; 
 Sprightly not flourishing ; nor Flourish sprightly ! The 
 females in a stew for fear of being fried. The punster 
 punless ; and the pedant pensive ! The children in 
 mischief, and JWrs. Brindle in agony ! The landing 
 hurra ! here's the provender. THE DINNER accidents 
 and offences " Keep your hands from picking and steal- 
 ing !" THE STROLL Fortune telling in Richmond Park 
 Makemoney cajoled by a flattering black-eyed gipsey 
 girl. Ah ! old gentleman, we've caught you, have we ? 
 Ha ! ha ! ha ! What did she say eh ? " Such stuff as 
 dreams are made of." Let's have tea agreed. Oh ! dear 
 dear / thought so, my dress is spoiled ! Never mind., 
 <( children will be children." Now for home, "domus 
 arnica, domus aptima!" " Rise gentle moon." A Hero 
 and Leander in humble life. Boat song the lover to his 
 mistress : fatal termination ! " The course of true love 
 never did run smooth!" Well, here we are our "jour- 
 ney's happy ended" Good Night. " Bonus Nocte !" 
 
 " A FEW days since/' said Flourish to Makemoney and Spright- 
 ly, " I accepted an invitation to accompany a Pic Nic to Rich- 
 mond ; and as we have not yet made a Pilgrimage to that 
 renowned spot, I anticipated your assent to attend us, and 
 begged your admittance into the circle ; a request which was 
 readily granted." 
 
 " You are very good/' answered Makemoney ; " I shall feel 
 much pleasure in accompanying you ; there are many associa- 
 tions connected with Richmond, which must interest us ; and I 
 do not see why a Pic Nic should not be an agreeable vehicle for 
 our Pilgrimage." 
 
 " Who's to be there?" asked Sprightly. 
 
 " The invitation was tendered me by the daughters of Old 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 189 
 
 Brindle, the stationer/' replied Flourish; " and of several per- 
 sons mentioned to me by them, there were but two or three with 
 whom I am acquainted." 
 
 " Name ! name !" said Sprightly. 
 
 " Oh, certainly !" laughed Flourish ; " the two Miss Brindles, 
 with their ma, of course ; Miss Azure, Miss Young, who by the 
 bye is rather ancient, and two or more ladies whose names I 
 know not, terminate the female list ; the gentlemen consist of 
 Old Brindle ; Pundit, the pedant* Tom Buoyant, the inveterate 
 punster ; our worthy selves, and a few others : you will find the 
 party composed of opposites, but as ' extremes meet/ I have 
 little doubt but the whole affair will turn out extremely plea- 
 sant/' 
 
 " When is this trip to take place ?" enquired Makemoney ; 
 " and by what means are we to reach the place of destination ?" 
 
 " To-morrow, and by the Diana steamer ;" was the reply. 
 
 " Are we each to carry our quantum of provision in the true 
 style of Pic Nic V 1 questioned Sprightly, " or is there to be a 
 caterer who will provide for all ?" 
 
 " Why/' returned Flourish, " to prevent the recurrence of a 
 circumstance which occurred to a recent Pic Nic party, where 
 every one brought lamb, and no one brought bread, Mrs. Brindle 
 has taken upon herself the task of furnishing provender ; and I 
 magine from the manner in which the old lady communicated 
 her intention to me, we have nothing to fear on that point." 
 
 Although Flourish knew not the names of all the persons 
 composing the party, we feel it our duty to make the reader 
 acquainted with them ; leaving it to the occurrences of the day 
 for an improvement of the acquaintance. First came Mrs. Brin- 
 dle, a good-natured fat old soul, who, in endeavouring to oblige 
 every body, almost failed to please any body ; and who had, 
 among many other little peculiarities of character, a considerable 
 degree of nervousness ; which was ever worrying and flurrying 
 her. Her extreme good-nature had induced her to have two 
 mischievous little scoundrels, who were the schoolfellows of her 
 dull-headed glutton of a son, to spend a month's vacation with 
 him ; and thinking the poor dear boys would be so delighted, and 
 receive so much benefit from this little excursion, she brought 
 them with her, to the annoyance of every one else, and to the 
 misery of herself ; her horrid nervousness keeping her in a state 
 of perpetual anxiety, for fear of some accident occurring to 
 them. 
 
 The Miss Brindles were thoughtless, giddy girls ; fond of 
 giggling, possessing very little sense, and much frivolity ; differ- 
 ing extremely from Miss Azure, who aimed at being admired for 
 her intellect, as much as for her beauty ; who wrote poetry in 
 the album of every person she knew possessing one ; was never 
 without a book of some awfully learned character upon her per- 
 son ; professed herself a great reader, and prided herself upon 
 
190 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 the knowledge of languages, of which she talked, but in which 
 she never conversed ; but occasionally interlarded her speeches 
 with a few common-place idiomatical expressions culled from 
 * exercise books/ She was accompanied by her mamma, who 
 served as an excellent foil to her ; for Mrs. Azure's younger 
 days had been humbler days ; left an orphan in infancy, and in 
 the workhouse, she had not to boast of either tender nurture, or 
 mental culture ; her budding- youth having- reached riper years, 
 the overseers, with parental solicitude for her future welfare, 
 placed her in the eligible situation of scullion in a public house, 
 where her young- ideas were taught 
 
 " the scouring of pots," 
 
 of culinary utensils, and how to tend the wants and wishes of 
 the < unwashed artificers' who honoured the tap-room with their 
 presence ; it was here she imbibed their manners and language ; 
 and as ' the cask retains the flavour of the first liquor which im- 
 pregnated it/ so Mrs. Azure still retained the speech of her ju- 
 venile days ; althoug-h the constant rub in later times against a 
 hig'her grade of society, had removed a portion of the rust which 
 had incrusted her manners. Her buxom beauty and sprightli- 
 ness attracted the attention of Mr. Azure, who was then light 
 porter in a drug-gist's warehouse ; and as he ' found favour in 
 her sight/ she acceded to an offer of marriage which he made 
 her, became ' bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh/ and bid 
 adieu to ' heavy wet' and ' glistering the pewter' (as she termed 
 polishing the pots,) for ever ; for, by a series of circumstances 
 which were not uncommon in the city, he became master of the 
 concern in which he had entered as light porter. 
 
 Mr. and Mrs. Azure, aware of the deficiencies in their own 
 education, had been extravagant in that which they had 
 bestowed upon their daughter ; an exemplification of which, as 
 Theodore Hook says, ' the reader may yet live to see/ 
 
 Miss Young, who had l gazed upon the world' a trifle more 
 than fifty years, was a lady who laboured with infinite industry 
 to he mistaken for a Miss who had outlived' but twenty sum- 
 mers, but unfortunately for her talents thus misplaced, people 
 were rarely so mistaken. She stated herself to be a lineal de 
 scendant of the renowned Dr. Young , all her day talk was of 
 his ' Night Thoughts ;' and she was for ever quoting from the 
 theological works of various divines, from Jeremy Taylor to 
 Hart well Home. 
 
 Mrs. Bodger and her daughter concluded the ladies ; Mrs. 
 Bodger was an early friend and associate of Mrs. Azure, and had 
 passed through life under similar circumstances ; she had been 
 a servant of all work, and was now the widow of a retired tal- 
 low merchant. Like Mrs. Azure, she still spoke the t language 
 of her youth ;' and the ' ope hof henjoying a leetle fresh hair' 
 had induced her ' to go a gipseyin ;' her daughter was tinctured 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 191 
 
 with a little of the blue of her bosom friend, Miss Azure ; but 
 her chief study was satire ; she levelled her shafts at every one, 
 and every thing 1 ; whether well, or ill-timed was a matter of no 
 moment to her ; she forgot that 
 
 Satire should like a polish'd razor keen, 
 Wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or seen ; 
 
 and as there was little, or no real wit, in her pungent remarks, 
 she but too often made herself appear very rude, and very 
 ridiculous. 
 
 The gentlemen need but little description ; Mr. Brindle was 
 an enthusiast in the viewing of nature ; he never went a long, 
 or short journey ; a sea, or land voyage ; took a trip out of town, 
 or ascended the top of his house without his telescope : number- 
 less were the accidents this propensity had entailed upon him ; 
 but vain were their' effects in curing him ; he still, upon every 
 occasion, walked with his telescope to his eye, shifting the focus 
 as he neared, or retired from any object, and as he usually carried 
 a pocket one when he perambulated the streets, as he said, f To 
 see the time by the farthest church clock/ he frequently 
 descended open cellars, areas, coal gratings, &c. &c., without 
 any previous intention, more speedily than was ever agreeable ; 
 and measured his length upon the ground, against his desire, 
 most constantly, and in a manner he thought remarkable. 
 
 Mr. Azure was fond of monosyllables and gin ; the former he 
 always indulged in, the latter, at nights, and in both the latter 
 cases he thought it indispensable. 
 
 Mr. Pundit was a pedant, who deemed the ancients the only 
 authors a man should read ; his language was precise, and his 
 manners bore a resemblance to his language ; yet, on all occasions 
 like the present, he wished to be present ; he felt it ' a relief/ 
 he observed, ' to unbend when his mind had been prolapsed in 
 the profluent study of abstruse, and obscure authors/ 
 
 Tom Buoyant was a confirmed punster, which is saying every- 
 thing for him ; he was attended by his two friends, Raleigh 
 Walter,, a desperate smoker, and Sam Smerke, or, as he was 
 nick-named, Smiling Smerke, because he was always on the 
 broad grin. 
 
 Last, and least, were the two schoolfellows of Master Brindle, 
 who bore the family name of Budd Bob and Joe Budd, and 
 precious ' buds ' they were, only happy when in mischief, and 
 decidedly opposite in every point of character to Master Swallow 
 Brindle, who loved nothing so well as eating ; and must have 
 been the very boy who wrote from school to his mother, the 
 most expressive letter ever penned 
 
 " Dear Mother, 
 
 ' Puddin." 
 
 These sweet youths completed the party. 
 
 July is known to be rather a warm month, from a slight hint 
 
192 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 conveyed in the Almanack ecce signum ' dog days ;' and if 
 ever England experienced a day unusually ( hot/ it was that on 
 which our PilgTims accompanied the Pic-nic-ians to Richmond ; 
 not a breath of air was stirring, the sky over head was a faint 
 blue, which gradually faded into a pale fewn colour, as it ap- 
 proached the horizon, not a cloud broke 
 
 " Light shade for the leaves when laid 
 In their noon day dreams,' 
 
 Terrible were its effects on Mrs. Brindle poor old soul, it 
 had been almost an Herculean task to her to get the eatables 
 ready in time, but she succeeded got them packed and sent on 
 board the steamer the night previous to starting*, taking- upon 
 herself the task of making- and cooking all the tarts, pastry, and 
 everything- in that way ; she had given herself a g-ood hard day's 
 work over a larg-e kitchen fire, which, in July, is no joke, and is 
 in itself enough to knock up 'even a person accustomed to it ; 
 but Mrs. Brindle had not only to attend to the puffs and tarts, 
 but also to the young- gentlemen, who had forced their way in, 
 and nothing" could induce the dears to quit the kitchen while the 
 sweets were about ; ever and anon they were ' seeking what they 
 might devour/ and having outraged every indulgence granted 
 them, had been, ultimately, forcibly expelled ; as might be ex- 
 pected, the contention with the ' youthful hopefuls/ the heat of 
 the weather, the fire, and the anxiety of the well-turning out 
 of her cookery, had completely knocked her up, and instead of 
 keeping her promise to be at the party, she ought to have kept 
 her bed ; but, good natured creature, she imagined that the party 
 would receive a great damper by her absence, and therefore, 
 roused herself in the best manner she was able. The party 
 assembled at her house by nine o'clock, and after two or three 
 little stoppages, caused by ' forgetfulness/ got on boardthe Diana, 
 at ten minutes to ten, which was the appointed hour for starting. 
 As Mrs. Brindle had prided herself upon the correctness with 
 which all the joints and their concomitants all the pastry, the 
 dessert, the wines, and liquors had been packed ; and, as her 
 man servant had saib, safely delivered on board the steamer, she 
 thought to make assurance doubly sure by seeing that they were 
 on board : she, therefore, enquired respecting them of the cap- 
 tain, who referred her to the steward, who knew nothing about 
 them ; consequently, they could not be on board ; for if they 
 had been they would have been consigned to his care. Mrs. 
 Brindle grew alarmed ; luckily, she had brought the man- 
 servant who had taken them the night previous to wait upon 
 tliem : she immediately sought him out : she found him. 
 
 " Jim/' she cried. 
 
 " Ma'am." 
 
 " You took those hampers I sent you with last night safe to 
 the steam-office?" 
 
 " Yes." 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 193 
 
 " Did you put them, as I told you to do, on board ? " 
 " No." 
 
 tf No ! why not ? " 
 " Too late/' 
 
 ' Why, you never took them home a-ain." 
 " No, ma'am, I left them at the office/ 1 
 " Oh ! " (A groan of relief.) 
 
 " There's the young" man I left 'em with," said Jim, pointing 
 to a person who was talking" with the captain. 
 " That's lucky/' said Mrs. B. " Jim, follow me." 
 Jim obeyed. 
 
 " My servant left some packages last night with you to go by 
 this steamer to Richmond/' 'said Mrs. B. to the young man. 
 Judge of Mrs. B/s horror upon hearing the reply. "He left 
 some packages last night with me, but not for this steamer." 
 
 " Not for this steamer ! " reiterated Mrs. B. " For which 
 then ? " she falteringly enquired. 
 
 " For the Diamond, ma'am," politely returned the clerk. 
 " Jim ! " 
 " Ma'am." 
 
 " What did I tell you ? pray, what name did I tell you ?" 
 " I forgot the name, ma'am and that young man said the 
 ' Dimond' and it sounded like it so I thought it was all 
 right." 
 
 " Jim, you are a downright fool." 
 Jim mentally disagreed with her. 
 
 " We can have them taken out of the Diamond, and put on 
 board this vessel ? " asked Mrs. B. of the clerk. 
 
 " Oh no, ma'am," replied the clerk, " the Diamond went to 
 Gravesend at six o'clock this morning." 
 
 Mrs. B. felt as if she could sink into the earth " What ? " 
 she faintly asked. 
 
 The clerk repeated the disagreeable intelligence. Mrs. B. 
 mechanically turned to Jim, who looked particularly foolish ; 
 her indignation was excited at the sight of him. " Jim/' she 
 cried, "you stupid, dull-headed fool; here's a predicament you 
 
 have placed us in ; here's a t t t t what shall we do ? " 
 
 " I beg your pardon, ma'am," said the clerk ; " I presume 
 your packages contain provision for a pic-nic party." 
 " They do they do," responded Mrs. B. 
 " I expect the Diamond will return by eleven o'clock, and 
 your packages can be forwarded to you by a waterman's boat, 
 and I dare say will reach you by the time you will want them." 
 "You are very, very good," exclaimed Mrs. B., who felt as 
 if the whole world had been taken off her chest. "Jim, you 
 shall stay behind, and when the Diamond returns, get our things 
 from her, and bring them in a boat after us up to Richmond 
 Bridge." 
 
 2 D 
 
194 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " Very well, ma'am/' replied Jim, who was as pleased as 
 his mistress that it was no worse. 
 
 " You will have the goodness to see them forwarded/' said 
 Mrs. B. to the clerk. 
 
 " I will, ma'am/' he replied, and bowed low, as he received 
 half-a-crown from her. 
 
 The relation of this occurrence excited some merriment 
 among- the party. 
 
 " Well/' exclaimed Makemoney, " although our dinner has 
 gone in the opposite direction to our destination, it is still pro- 
 bable that we shall meet." 
 
 " It is meet we should/' said Buoyant. 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha !" roared Smerke. 
 
 " What a wretched attempt, Buoyant," sneered Miss Bodger; 
 " really your puns are, like yourself, frightfully hideous, and 
 particularly pointless " 
 
 Ha ! ha ! ha ! " grinned Smerke. 
 " You are sharp, however, Miss," replied Buoyant. 
 " We shall be in a precious mess if he don't come," observed 
 Mrs. Azure. 
 
 " Oh, he'll come," said Mrs. Brindle, consolingly. 
 " If he didn't he should go," cried Mrs. Bodger. " I tell you 
 what, Mrs. Brindle, its all gammon about forgetting the name. 
 I'd lay my life he got drunk ; and, if I was you, I'd give him 
 the sack." 
 
 " What sack ? " asked Mrs. Brindle, innocently. 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! " shouted Smerke. 
 " Mother ! " uttered Miss Bodger, silencingly. 
 " Mrs.B. puff means puff discharge puff him puff/' 
 exclaimed Raleigh Walter, as distinctly as his cigar would let 
 him. 
 
 " Nay," exclaimed Miss Azure, with affected kindness, " do 
 not be so harsh ; mistakes will occur, you know, in the best 
 regulated families, ( comme dit I'autre ;' besides, it is useless to 
 make a grievance of a circumstance which the occurrence obvi- 
 ates the prevention ( llfaut souffrir patiemmement ce qui est 
 inevitable.' And, let me observe," she concluded, simperingly, 
 ' // n'est pas tout-a-fait clair que le mat arrivera.'" 
 " No nor the dinner either/' rejoined Flourish. 
 " The non-existence of mnemonics in domestics causes a fre- 
 quency of errors," said Pundit. 
 
 " Very true, sir," broke in Miss Young, who did not properly 
 understand Pundit's meaning, but was dying to say something 
 about her ancestor ; " very true, sir ! 
 
 4 Error in acts or judgment is the source 
 Of endless sighs ! ' 
 
 as writes my illustrious antecedent, the great Dr. Young, in the 
 ninth night of the Complaint " 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 195 
 
 She would have continued, but her voice was drowned by the 
 vociferation of the captain to the sailors to cast off, and the en- 
 gineer to clap on. The passengers became sensible of the mo- 
 tion of the vessel, and the dum-dum-dum-dum of the paddle- 
 wheels was predominant. 
 
 " Now we are off/' exclaimed Sprightly, " and two hours 
 hence I anticipate that my feet will kiss the green bosom of 
 Richmond Hill." 
 
 " How poetical ! " cried Miss Azure. 
 
 'He did press on the green moss ' 
 
 Here she was interrupted by a violent screaming and an outra- 
 geous scuffling : all eyes were turned on the spot from whence 
 the noise proceeded, and beheld the steward bringing the Mas- 
 ter Budds, grasped by the collars of their coats, in his right 
 hand, and Master Swallow, held by the arm, in his left. It is 
 needless to say that a strong opposition was kept up by the 
 youthful party ; which developed itself in sundry kickings, 
 strugglings, bitings, &c., and, on the part of Master Swallow 
 Brindle, by a most lusty roaring, as he run, unwillingly, at the 
 pace of ten miles an hour. 
 
 " Who do these younkers belong to ?" exclaimed the stew- 
 ard (an old seaman, who had been a boatswain of a man-of- 
 war ; was pensioned off for wounds received in his Majesty's 
 service, and, to his pension, added the emolument of a 
 steward's berth in a steamer) " Who do these younkers belong 
 to ?" again roared the steward. 
 
 Poor Mrs. Brindle hesitatingly advanced ; she dreaded to hear 
 the steward's explanation of this scene ; a glance at the boys 
 was quite enough to satisfy her that the intelligence would be 
 far from pleasing. " I believe the children that is 1 brought 
 the children with that is what t* the matter ?" she enquired 
 a little more boldly. 
 
 " Why, lookee* ma'am/' answered the steward ; (t if these 
 youngsters be you'rn you ought to seize 'em up, and gi' 'em a 
 round dozen, and I'll tell you why avast there !" he shouted to 
 the boys, who were making desperate struggles to free them- 
 selves, accompanied by yells of " Mrs. Brindle ma mum 
 Mrs. Brindle oh oh oh ! let us go." 
 
 " Let them go/' said Mrs. Brindle, entreatingly ; " and pray 
 do let me know what they have done ?" 
 
 " Oh, sart'n'y, marm," replied the old man, and he let the 
 boys loose ; but attempted to recapture an orange, and sundry 
 lumps of sugar from Master Swallow, who, upon losing them, 
 extended his arms and hands, performed a very speedy dance, 
 and screamed more lustily than before ; as silence could only 
 be restored by a restoration of the orange and sugar, this was 
 done, and peace obtained. 
 
 " Now/' said Mrs. Brindle, " if you please, tell me the mean- 
 ing of all this." 
 
196 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " If that powder monkey was mine," exclaimed the steward, 
 indignantly, " instead of an orange, I'd giv' him the bight of a 
 topsail sheet over his starn ; but that's neither here nor there ; 
 you see, ma'am, I was on duty in the chief cabin, and somebody 
 sung out for an allowance o' brandy I turned into my berth to 
 fetch it, when buntlines and cluelines I saw the youngsters as 
 busy as topmen shaking out reefs when a fair breeze is springing 
 up ; and what do you think they were after ?" 
 
 " Don't know," answered Mrs. Brindle, with a consciousness 
 that something very unpleasant was coming. 
 
 " Why, there was one had turned up a pot of green paint ; 
 and was painting over the bulk heads till all was blue." 
 
 " Fudge !" said Mr. Azure. 
 
 " The other was mixing rum, brandy, gin, wine, stout, and 
 water, in a two gallon can, and the third, that youngster suck- 
 ing the orange, had stretched along the eating haliards, and was 
 raking the fruit locker fore and aft I boarded 'em in the smoke 
 and brought 'em up all standing I made 'em prisoners, and 
 lugged 'em up to be owned, and as they're yours, you must pay 
 all damage." 
 
 " How much is it ?" asked Mrs. Brindle, who understood 
 very little more than the last sentence ; but that was quite 
 enough to know. The steward began to enumerate, but as his 
 list run rather long, Mrs. Brindle cut it short by asking if half-a- 
 sovereign would cover the damage ; the seaman replied in the 
 affirmative, and the payment of the money settled the affair. 
 
 A lecture on good behaviour followed from Mrs. Brindle to 
 the boys ; to which, as it appealed to their sense, they were 
 completely insensible ; and fully developed their sense of it, by 
 starting off, upon its conclusion, to see what further mischief 
 they could employ themselves in. Mrs. Brindle having herself 
 a misgiving of the efficacy of her lecture, followed them in their 
 peregrinations, just to keep an eye on them, a task by no means 
 delightful. 
 
 The intentions of children are usually evanescent ; they were 
 peculiarly so in the Master Budds ; as soon as they formed a de- 
 sire, they attempted its gratification, the slightest impediment to 
 its attainment gave rise to a fresh design, which, in its turn, was 
 succeeded by another, until they accomplished something, not 
 always agreeable in its effects ; whenever any thing like eat- 
 ables were the fruits of the 'Budd's' campaign, Master Swallow 
 made one of the party, and the prospect of obtaining an apple, 
 ever induced him to follow the pair. 
 
 The possibility of her dear boy's getting into danger, entailed 
 a stronger necessity upon Mrs. B. to bring up their rear ; and as 
 their operations were of a most desultory nature, without fear, or 
 care for the result, they kept the poor old lady in a perpetual 
 fever and continued jog-trot ; her appearance was truly piteous ; 
 the sun, when endeavouring to show his face through a fog of 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 197 
 
 particularly cutable consistency, never looked redder than did 
 the countenance of poor Mrs. B. : her hair, which she had taken 
 such pains to paper, and press, the night before, and that very 
 morning" had spent half an hour in combing- and pinning-, to 
 make all sure, was now hanging- in straggling- disorder over her 
 forehead and cheeks, her white dress, which had been ' g-ot up ' 
 so nicely, so whitely,smd stiffly, was now flaccid, ding-y, and 
 hung- upon her like a bathing 1 g-own on a nymph performing 1 her 
 saline ablutions ; in truth, the sultriness, or, as Mrs.Bodg-er term- 
 ed it the sweltriness of the weather, and the heat of the 
 steamer combined, had ' induced a copious exudation/ to use Mr. 
 Pundit's words, and produced the effect we have described. 
 
 " Poor Mrs. Brindle has enoug-h to do, to keep those boys from 
 mischief ;" said Makemoney, who had been much amused with 
 witnessing- their freaks, and Mrs. B's. nervous ag-itation. 
 
 " Yes," replied Sprigiitly, " and I cannot conceive what 
 motive Mrs. Brindle could have, in bringing those young- gentle- 
 men, whose ' little pleasantries ' seem to have such unfavourable 
 results/' 
 
 " No," cried Mrs. Bodg-er, " Pd a seen the brats at Jericho 
 first, afore Pd a broug-ht 'em ; they'll fag' her to death ; here I'm 
 all a muck a' sweat standing- still, and what must she be ? why, 
 sweating- like a bull to be sure !" 
 
 Flourish looked at Sprightly on the termination of this speech, 
 and they both laug-hed inwardly, it is true ; but Miss Bodg-er, 
 who had noticed the g-lance and smile, felt stung-, and determin- 
 ed, if possible, to be revenged for it. 
 
 " My mother is peculiar in her choice of words," she remarked 
 to Flourish ; " but old people have sing-ular ways, you know ; 
 your pa, I believe, was so eccentric in his lang-uag-e and manners, 
 that he was not admitted in decent society, because in all cir- 
 cles he preferred retaining his early speech and habits was it 
 not so ?" 
 
 Sprightly and Makemoney both laughed immoderately, and 
 Flourish, with something like asperity, replied " You are 
 slightly mistaken, my dear. My father was the younger son of 
 Sir Ralph Flourish, a baronet, and lineal descendant of the 
 Earl Caspar de Flourish, who came over with William the 
 Conqueror ; my father was educated at Eton, and afterwards at 
 Christchurch, Oxford ; upon quitting college, he took a fancy to 
 commerce, and in addition to a handsome income, realized a 
 large fortune, of which 1 am the unworthy possessor," and he 
 made Miss Bodg'er a low bow. 
 
 " I was misinformed," replied Miss Bodger, and slightly 
 coloured ; but she was not to be prevented from having another 
 try to repay that smile at her mother's expense ; so turning to 
 Sprightly, she said, " Perhaps, I mean you, I am forgetful of 
 names," and she tried to look archly. 
 
 Sprightly, who saw the < cloven foot,' smilingly referred her 
 
198 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 to his uncle " who/' he said, " knew his father better than 
 himself." 
 
 " Yes, young- lady," exclaimed Makemoney, " I knew him 
 well for many years, and suffer me to observe, that you are 
 equally mistaken with regard to Sprightly ; but first let me 
 say that it is not the choice of words, that we should " 
 
 A crash a scream and a tremendous outcry, interrupted the 
 speech of Makemoney ; on seeking the cause, it appeared that 
 Master Swallow r had, like a cat with a mouse, been playing with 
 an orange before he devoured it ; his actions had been carefully 
 watched by a dog, of w T hich Flourish was the owner, and a 
 miscalculation in the point of descent of the fruit by Master 
 Brindle, who had been tossing it in the air, caused the orange to 
 fall upon the deck ; immediately the dog perceived the prostrate 
 luxury, he made a bound to obtain it, the success of which was 
 counteracted by Master Swallow's seizing fast hold of his tail ; 
 and as the dog made strenuous efforts to capture it, he compelled 
 Master S. to go through the evolutions of a slide ; at the same 
 moment Mr. Brindle had just directed his glass to Vauxhall 
 Bridge, and was stepping back to bring the glass to a right 
 focus, when the dog bolted through his legs, but as Master S. 
 still kept firmly hold, and being rather too large to pass freely 
 the same opening, Mr. Brindle was propelled at an unusual 
 speed, until Master Swallow found it impracticable to hold any 
 longer, in consequence of the dog's suddenly turning short and 
 impressing his teeth on the young gentleman's digits ; thus sharp- 
 ly admonished, he quitted the tail, and the result of the sudden 
 cessation of the propelling power was, that Mr. Brindle and his 
 son were forcibly deposited in the centre of a party who were 
 playing at cribbage for bottles of stout ; this was the cause of 
 the crash for bottles and glasses, like many banks were 
 broken. The scream came from Mrs. Brindle, who had witness- 
 ed the catastrophe, and whose fears had magnified the accident 
 into certain destruction of one or both parties, from which hor- 
 rid conviction she was relieved, by seeing Mr. Brindle arise and 
 politely beg a thousand pardons of the circle into which he had 
 gained admittance unknown and thus abruptly, for unintention- 
 ally slightly disturbing their game ; and Master Swallow finding 
 himself minus an orange, and gainer of a bite 
 
 * Crowed like chantideer,'' 
 
 giving powerful indications that if he had lost his fruit, he still 
 retained his lungs. Mrs. Brindle upon ascertaining that her 
 dear child had actually been bitten by the dog, grew fearfully 
 alarmed ; frightful visions of hydrophobia assailed her bitten by 
 a dog in dog days horror ! she saw him (mentally of course) 
 turn with terror and disgust from water foam at the mouth 
 biting writhing dying raving mad ; and globules of perspi- 
 ration cold as ice, chased each other down her broad forehead 
 and fat cheeks ; cutting and cauterizing next presented them- 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL 199 
 
 selves to her frantic imagination ; cutting out the part affected, 
 and then applying- a red-hot iron to the wound agony ! " My 
 child ! my boy ! my Swallow I" she exclaimed hysterically. 
 
 " Oh oh ! Ha a a a oh !" screamed hep Swallow. 
 Ha a a ! 1 will have my or or orange." A rapid move- 
 ment with his feet ensued. " Gi gi give it to me oh oh 
 oh !" and the yell faded into a faint sniff a quivering catching 
 of the breath, as Flourish put into his hands the orange, which 
 his dog had laid at his feet ; the recovery of his lost treasure 
 quieted the boy, and with that happy indifference to ' clean and 
 sweet ' which characterizes children (excepting in one instance, 
 where we saw a child refuse a piece of barley sugar which a 
 black man had been sucking, and in a fit of child-like good 
 nature, took from his mouth, and offered), Master Swallow 
 immediately commenced devouring the spheroid, which the dog 
 had well moistened with his saliva. Mrs. Brindle was, however, 
 not so easily satisfied ; she strictly scrutinized the bitten hand, but 
 not finding an incision from the animal's incisors, concluded that 
 catting would not be required, and ejecting load No. 3 from 
 her chest, admonished her offspring to keep himself quiet for the 
 remainder of the day : she was roused from her lecture by hear- 
 ing Mr. Pundit exclaim 
 
 " The calidity of the Apollic luminary, has compelled a 
 liquefaction of the colophony, with which the place, against 
 which I have leaned, has been covered, and, I fear, a quantum 
 has attached itself viscously to my coat." 
 
 This speech was addressed to Mrs. Bodger, who replied " I 
 don't know what you mean by collor-funny, but if you mean 
 your coat, why its all over green paint, for you've been leaning 
 agin the board which young Joe Budd has been a painten hon." 
 Mr. Pundit was a man who felt ill if a speck of dirt got upon 
 his clothes ; he therefore heard that his coat, a light plum, almost 
 a lavender colour, was ornamented across the shoulders with a 
 bright emerald green, with a satisfaction by no means evident. 
 
 " The exestuation," said he angrily, " of exiguous juveniles, 
 ever produces mischief, and I feel surprised that Mrs. B. who 
 knows that they are not morigerous, by the frequency of their 
 requiring objurgation, should, maugre this knowledge and the 
 possibility of producing unpleasantnesses, have brought them 
 with her, to the dissatisfaction of every one present, and to her 
 own discomforture." So saying, he indignantly joined the party 
 at the head of the vessel, who were expatiating upon the beauty 
 of the scenery they were passing. 
 
 Mrs. Brindle was almost affected to tears by this reflection 
 upon her ; and Mrs. Bodger soothed her by saying "Hifyou 
 hadn't a brought 'em this wouldn't a happened but what's 
 done can't be hundone, so nevermind, don't bother yourself about 
 what he said I didn't hunderstand him it was all igh Dutch 
 to nw. Where's the kids ?" 
 
200 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " Kids !" reiterated Mrs. Brindle, interrogatively. 
 
 " Yes, the young'uns !" said Mrs. Bodger. 
 
 " Oh, the children ! oh, the young Budds are asleep with the 
 heat, and Swallow seems fast following-/' replied Mrs. Brindle. 
 
 " Well, that's lucky ere, come hup to the liother hend, 
 where the bothers hare/' cried Mrs. Bodg-er ; and arm in arm 
 they sought the head of the vessel. 
 
 " There's puff the puff Red-house puff," said Walter. 
 
 " A famous place for shooting- pig-eons/' remarked Make- 
 money. 
 
 " Yes/' replied Buoyant, " and srulls are to be seen there as 
 well." 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha !" laug-hed Smerke. 
 
 " Infamous !" said Miss Bodg-er ; " of course then you are to 
 be seen there." 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha!" yelled Smerke. 
 
 " The loud laugh shows the vacant mind !" 
 
 uttered Miss Azure, listlessly. 
 
 Smerke was silent. 
 
 " Now/' cried Buoyant, " we reach Chelsea Reach ; 'tis said 
 when we reach ibis Reach, it makes us cockneys retch." 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha !" roared Smerke. 
 
 " Fudge !" exclaimed Mr. Azure. 
 
 " It is very open to the wind here/' said Makemoney. 
 
 " Yes, uncle," answered Sprightly, " do you remember com- 
 ing- to a sailing- match, and being- very nearly run down by one 
 of the vessels?" 
 
 " I do," responded Makemoney, " and a narrow escape we 
 had ; it was all through the stupidity of our waterman, who ran 
 foul of a wherry which he nearly upset, and a sailing boat was 
 just upon us " 
 
 " Which luffed up, and prevented your being run down, I sup- 
 pose," punned Buoyant. 
 
 " Exactly/' returned Makemoney. 
 
 Battersea, Putney, and Hammersmith bridges, were respective- 
 ly passed, and commented on, and the mansions, villas, and 
 churches, decking the river's bank, excited critical remarks ; 
 Miss Azure was labouring, with great perseverance, to bring all 
 her quotations English, French, and Italian, into play ; while 
 Miss Young never lost an opportunity to drag- in some lines from 
 Young, whether apropos or not ; and if Young could not fur- 
 nish her with lines to the purpose, she drew upon some theolo- 
 gical author whom she had read, and a retentive memory en- 
 abled her to produce portions when occasion required ; Miss 
 Bodger found opportunities to indulge in her pungent remarks ; 
 and Tom Buoyant punned most vigorously ; Smerke roared more 
 than ever ; Raleigh Walter was emptying his cigar with all 
 speed, and Mr. Azure his gin-bottle ; Mrs. Azure and Mrs. 
 Bodger were being drawn out by Flourish, to whom they were 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 201 
 
 recounting', to the great amusement of Makemoney and Sprightly, 
 a " slap-up gipsey party" which they had enjoyed tog-ether some 
 twenty years previous ; while Mr. Pundit was sighing over his 
 painted garment ; and Mr. Brindle, still gazing through his te- 
 lescope, kept treading on the toes of every one near him, and 
 was continually knocking his shins against the windlass, bits, 
 &c. ; exciting the nervous irritability of Mrs. Brindle, which 
 developed itself in the frequent utterance of the interjections, 
 " Ha ho oh I" as her husband encountered each of the little 
 accidents just mentioned ; but 
 
 " A change came o'er the spirit of their dream/' 
 
 The sun, which was increasing in altitude, was also increasing 
 in heat ; the steam likewise dispensed a considerable portion of 
 its warmth on all within its influence, and assisted materially in 
 making the atmosphere insufferably hot. Every one laboured 
 under its effects ; and, notwithstanding the endeavours of the 
 ladies, by means of veils, &c., to 
 
 " Shade their beauty from the sun," 
 
 their efforts were of no avail, as Tom Buoyant remarked ; for 
 their foreheads, noses, cheeks, and chins, were suffused, not 
 with a faint blush, but a flush of scarlet ; an accession not very 
 desirable, as being a colour burnt in was not likely easily to be 
 ef-faced. The gentlemen loosened their neckcloths, their coats, 
 and waistcoats : vainly did they turn to the four cardinal points 
 in the faint hope of catching a breeze ; but no not a breath 
 was to be obtained ; and Makemoney, after veering about se- 
 veral times, gave vent to his oppression in a most energetic 
 "Phew!" 
 
 " Qu'il fait chaud," said Miss Azure. 
 
 " Who ? what ? kill for shew ? What do you mean ? " asked 
 her mother. 
 
 " Your daughter alluded to the calidity of the atmosphere/' 
 replied Pundit ; " and, veraciously speaking, the Apollic lumi- 
 nary is excessively calorific, and I am in an oppressive state of 
 sudation." 
 
 " Thank'ee, sir," was responded by Mrs. A., who remained 
 as wise as before. 
 
 Mr. Pundit sighed, and thought of his coat : he tried to see 
 its reflection on the water, but his efforts were without success. 
 
 " Silence reigned triumphant." It was very evident that the 
 sudorific powers of the sun were resistless ; and though several 
 efforts were made to keep a conversation afloat, it dwindled into 
 monosyllables, and eventually into silence. Buoyant left off 
 punning, Raleigh Walter smoking, Smerke grinning, Mr. Azure 
 drinking gin, and Mr. Brindle put down his telescope; Miss 
 Azure ceased French-ising, Miss Bodger pungency ; Miss Young 
 began to dream of her illustrious antecedent ; Mesdames Bodger 
 and Azure forgot ' hold times ' in somnolency ; the Miss Brindles 
 
 2 E 
 
202 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 were just beginning- to grow serious, and Mrs. Brindle went to 
 look after the boys ; our Pilgrims, who felt the oppressive sul- 
 triness no less than the other portion of the party, maugre their 
 great love of the picturesque, sought refuge in the cabin ; and 
 thus they reached Richmond. 
 
 The exclamations of " Richmond ! Richmond ! " from the 
 steward, and the bustle attendant upon the arrival, awakened 
 the sleepers and dozers ; and as the note of the Swiss horn ga- 
 thers the shepherd's flock together, so the voice of the steward 
 collected our scattered party into one group. The heat was 
 still intense ; but the slight repose, and the novelty of the ar- 
 rival, counteracted partially the lassitude which the weather oc- 
 casioned, and seemed to put a fresh spirit into the Pic-nic-ians ; 
 every one blessed with a peculiar characteristic indulged^in it as 
 freely as heretofore. Tom Buoyant commenced : 
 
 " I esteem a steamer, although it has been a frier," said he, 
 " because the day is a broiler/' 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! " roared Smerke. 
 
 "Stuff!" cried Azure. 
 
 l( Catachrestical \" exclaimed Pundit, superciliously. 
 
 " Ha ! puff devilish puff good," puffed Walter. 
 
 " Entre-deux" lisped Miss Azure. 
 
 " He ! he ! he ! " giggled the Miss Brindles ; " he is so amus- 
 ing the wretch!" 
 
 " Oh, dreadfully so," sneered Miss Bodger, " particularly to 
 shallow minds." 
 
 " T see," said Flourish, a little ungallantly, for he had not 
 forgotten the attack upon his father ; " I see you derive much 
 amusement from him." 
 
 "Thank you," she answered ; " but I believe you exceed me 
 in that little particular." 
 
 "Where's Mrs. Brindle?" interrupted Mrs. Azure; "oh, 
 here she comes with those precious boys. Why, what's the 
 matter now ? " she inquired of Mrs. B., who looked much dis- 
 tressed, while her boy was crying mightily. 
 
 "Matter!" replied Mrs. B.; "look here;" and she turned 
 her back to Mrs. A. ; " look here what d'ye think of that ? " 
 
 Mrs. Azure directed her eyes to her dress, and there saw sun- 
 dry large dabs of green paint ; on which, with much labour and 
 ingenuity, had been stuck several pieces of red paper, of smaller 
 dimensions than the spots of paint ; while, in various parts, 
 pieces of the dress, in the shapes of diamonds, stars, suns, and 
 moons, had been carefully subtracted with a sharp instrument 
 possibly a pair of scissors. 
 
 " There," continued Mrs. B. ; " what do you think of that ? " 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! " yelled Smerke, convulsively. 
 
 " Mr. Smerke sir I am surprised its no laughing matter, 
 I can assure you," said Mrs. B. in a dignified tone, while the 
 tears stood in her eyes ; " no, sir if you " 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 203 
 
 At this moment Mrs. Dodger's attention was attracted by Mrs. 
 Brindle's tone of voice, and immediately after by her dress. 
 
 " Hallo ! " she cried, " why, my ighs ! ha ! ha ! ha ! Where 
 have you been ? Ha ! ha ! ha ! Oh, you know ; aint you be- 
 dizined worser nor a May sweep queen well, I never " 
 
 " Marchand qui perd ne pent rire," exclaimed Miss Azure, 
 whose attention, with that of the rest of the party, had been 
 excited by Mrs. Rodger's exclamation. " What is the matter, 
 ma chcre madame ? " she asked of Mrs. Brindle. 
 
 " Why, my dear," replied Mrs. B. afflictedly, " upon finding" 
 every one was going off' to sleep, I thought I would go and see 
 how and where the boys were, for,you know, they are so lively 
 that they will do any thing, and I thought they might have 
 tumbled into the boiler " 
 
 ( ' Of course/' interrupted Buoyant, " that put you in a stew." 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! " laughed Smerke. 
 
 " Detestable effort ! pray be silent, Buoyant, and do not ex- 
 pose your extreme insufficiency/' remarked Miss Bodger. 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! " accompanied "Smerke. 
 
 " You are almost as bad as Smerke," she concluded. 
 
 Smerke ceased. 
 
 Mrs. Brindle proceeded : " I therefore hurried to the cabin, 
 and found two on the sofa, and one on a table, fast asleep ; well, 
 I thought I would not disturb them, and I sat down to take a 
 little rest, and fell a dreaming ; I thought Swallow was tumb- 
 ling off the vessel into the water ; I rushed forward to save him, 
 and awoke, to find Master Joseph Budd cutting and hacking my 
 dress with a pair of scissors, while Swallow was sticking bits of 
 paper on places which Bob was painting with a green brush ; 
 my anger got the better of my tenderness, and I certainly struck 
 them rather severely ; but don't you think they deserved it ? " 
 she inquired of all. 
 
 All exclaimed, " Yes, oh yes ! naughty boys/' &c. &o. 
 
 " You are not, madam," said Pundit, pensively, " the only 
 person who has suffered from their dispensation of that mineral 
 and oleaginous composition ; you will perceive I am likewise a 
 sufferer ; " and he turned his back to the company. 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! " shouted Smerke. 
 
 " Sir," said Pundit, " your cachinnation is offensive." 
 
 " Now, gentlemen, if you please," said the captain. 
 
 " Boat, sir ! Boat ! Boat ! Here you are, sir ! This way, 
 marm ! " was uttered successively by several boatmen. 
 
 As the party consisted of twenty persons, that is, seventeen 
 adults and the three children, it was necessary to have three boats, 
 and as it was likely to be a lucrative af-/ae> for the watermen, a 
 scuffle ensued between them who should get the party much 
 shouting and much screaming ensued ; the three boys were seized 
 forcibly by one man and placed in his boat, Mrs. B. followed 
 quickly after them. As she was getting down the steps into the 
 
204 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 boat,Mr.Pundit was about following, when a scuffle between two 
 watermen ensued just at his elbow ; the sudden lurch of one of 
 them caused him to dash against Pundit's shoulder, who 
 was on the edge of the stairs ; this act gave his descent a fright- 
 ful impetus, and as there was nothing but Mrs. Brindle's back to 
 stop his speed, his two hands caine in contact with it, and 
 caused her instantaneous entrance into the boat ; it is needless to 
 say he accompanied her with an impetuous celerity, and that they 
 both discovered themselves in the bottom of the boat, rolling 
 over each other : the violence with which this occurrence took 
 place very nearly caused the turning over of the boat, and drew 
 from the boatmen a horrid exclamation ; the two Budds were 
 sent sprawling over one of the seats, and Master Swallow over 
 the side, to the intense agony of his mother, who rising, caught 
 a glimpse of his boots disappearing ; she bounded forward, upset- 
 ting Pundit, who was also rising, and thrust her hands and arms 
 to her shoulders into the water in time to seize him and drag him 
 into the boat ; the suddenness with which she did this, nearly 
 upset the boat a second time,^nd it required all the skill of the 
 watermen to prevent it. She put Swallow, wet as he was, 
 plump into the lap of Pundit, who had that moment seated him- 
 self, holding the sides of the seat most firmly, to prevent having 
 a bathe unwillingly. Pundit had nankeen trousers on, and of 
 course, was soaked to the skin instantly ; scarcely any thing 
 worse could have occurred to him : he was thinking thus, when 
 Mrs. Brindle, overcome by the excitement, threw her wet arms 
 around his neck and fainted away ; here a new bustle was creat- 
 ed, and Mr. Brindle, upon seeing the whole of the affair, which 
 hardly occupied a minute, in his hurry to go to his wife's assist- 
 ance, let the telescope slip through his fingers. Unfortunately he 
 made a grasp at it, and succeeded only in striking it with the tips 
 of his fingers, and instead of falling, as it would have done, upon 
 the deck, it flew over the side, and the waters closed over it for 
 ever ; this, to him, was a greater misfortune than his wife's 
 accident, and it was Hot till the reiterated offers of salts, scents, 
 and aromatic vinegar, from the ladies, induced him to turn from 
 franticly gazing upon the place where his telescope disappeared, 
 to his wife in a swoon in the boat, he gave one ' longing linger- 
 ing look behind/ and prepared to attempt the recovery of his 
 wife, being fully convinced of the impossibility of recovering his 
 telescope ; or, it is probable, the latter might have called forth his 
 efforts first ; however, his assistance was not required, for Mrs. 
 B. came to, and after gazing wildly round her for a moment, 
 gave utterance to a short hysteric scream, and cried " My 
 child ! my boy ! where's my boy ?" 
 
 " Your offspring, madam," said Pundit, grimly, " I imbibe 
 gratification in observing, is preserved." 
 
 This speech was partially drowned by Master Swallow, who 
 had given birth to a most violent yelling, with a piano accom- 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. '205 
 
 pani merit by the two Budds, who were both hurt by the fall ; 
 Mrs. B. upon hearing 1 the well-known tone, caught him to her 
 breast, hugged and wept over him, for be he what he might to 
 other people, he was her only child, and she doated on him. 
 
 The other boats were now filled, and the party reached the 
 shore, where the only incident of note occurring, was the sudden 
 desire of Mr. Azure to be thought nimble ; he made a jump from 
 the boat to the shore, but miscalculating his distance, arrived up 
 to his knees in the water, two feet nearer the boat than he 
 intended. 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha !" shrieked Smerke. 
 
 " Fool," roared Azure, and darting a look of awful malignity 
 at him, thrust both hands into his coat pockets and stalked up to 
 the town. 
 
 The party followed, and proceeded some distance, before Mrs. 
 Brindle could conceive how her son's and her own garments 
 were to be dried ; a pastry-cook's shop caught the eye of her 
 son, and the probability of the proprietor allowing them to dry 
 themselves struck her. She went, accompanied by the three boys, 
 into the ' Original shop for Maids of Honour/ and easily obtained 
 the required favour. 
 
 The remainder of the party proceeded to the Hill ; we have 
 before stated that it was a cloudless day, and, consequently, the 
 view was exquisite. 
 
 <k Well," exclaimed Makemoney, " this is, indeed, beautiful ; 
 we are well repaid for our fatigue : who will assert, after seeing 
 this view, that Richmond Hill does not equal any spot in the 
 world for a prospect?" 
 
 '* There is something very chaste and varied," observed 
 Sprightly. 
 
 " Chaste \" reiterated Makemoney ; " why, France with her 
 beautiful vines Italy, with her blue skies and broad lakes the 
 Rhine, with its woody heights, or Switzerland, with its mountain 
 scenery, owns nothing more beautifully diversified, more simple, 
 or more characteristic/' 
 
 " It is delightful," cried Miss Azure, who saw an opportunity 
 to quote. " It is 
 
 ' A most living landscape, and the wave 
 Of woods, and cornfields, and the abodes of men, 
 Scattered at intervals, and wreathing smoke 
 Arising from such rustic roofs ' 
 
 lends a charm which makes it heaven to gaze on." 
 
 Miss Young who, for the preceding two hours, had been un- 
 able to introduce her * illustrious antecedent,' was very unwilling 
 to let this opening pass without making the most of it, so, scarce- 
 ly waiting the termination of Miss Azure's remark, she burst 
 forth with extraordinary velocity " True, my dear ; very true, 
 it is, indeed, most exquisite ; it makes me say, in the words of my 
 truly great predecessor, Complaint, Night 4, 
 
206 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " O most adorable ! most unador'd ! 
 
 Where shall that praise begin, which ne'er should end ? 
 
 Where'er 1 turn, what claim on all applause.' 
 
 and, as Bishop Heber says, 
 
 " From the soft vernal sky, to the soft grassy gronnd, 
 There is beauty above me, beneath, and around." 
 
 and, I repeat with Dyer 
 
 " How close and small the hedges lie ! 
 What streaks of meadows cross the eye ! 
 A step, methinks, may cross the stream." 
 
 " You make your lines ac-cord," interrupted Tom Buoyant, 
 " but let us leave the trees and flowers, and think of Mrs. Brindle 
 and the Budds." 
 
 " Ah/' exclaimed Mrs. Azure, " where can they be ? it is 
 very strange." 
 
 " Very," echoed Mrs. Bodger ; " its two hours arter the time 
 we was to a' had dinner ;" and she looked at her gold watch, 
 which was about the elegant size of a small cheeseplate. " Why, 
 I'm blessed," she continued, " its three o'clock. I feels precious 
 peckish, and it strikes me that it won't be himcommon hodd if 
 we have to toddle to the Star and Garter for our feed, for I have 
 a ' presongtimongj as Miss Hazzher says, that Jim won't bring 
 the pannum." 
 
 "Ha ! ha ! ha!" shouted Smerke. 
 
 {( Well, Mr. Grinner, wot do you mean by that horse-laugh ?" 
 she asked indignantly of smiling Smerke, who could only put 
 his hand to his heart, bow, and shake his head, while his whole 
 frame was convulsed with a suppressed roar. 
 
 "Oh, don't mind him, mother," cried Miss Bodger, " nature 
 will out it is merely his natural stupidity displaying itself." 
 
 "Oh, well, if that's all," said Mrs. B, appeased. 
 
 Mrs. Bodger was interrupted at this moment, by an audible 
 groan, accompanied by the exclamation " Its of no use none 
 whatever it won't do won't d n it." Turning to the spot, 
 Mr. Brindle was observed, in a state of perturbation, holding his 
 hand half closed to his right eye, telescope fashion, walking for- 
 wards, and then receding, and then stamping, and scratching his 
 head with great vigour, bewailing the loss of his glass in terms 
 of ' bitterest woe." 
 
 " La !" cried the eldest Miss Brindle, " look at pa, he ! he ! 
 he ! what a way he's in he said " 
 
 " Shocking !" giggled her sister, " wasn't it ?" 
 
 " Partlc'lar so he ! he ! he !" was the response. 
 
 " Gals," said Mrs. Bodger, " wats keeping your Oh, here 
 
 they hare here they hare," she shouted, as Mrs.'Brindle appear- 
 ed in sight, followed by three men, carrying as many hampers ; 
 and her dear son devouring a ' maid of honour/ accompanied 
 by the two Budds, who were exciting the anger of the men, by 
 occasionally inserting pins in their understandings. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 207 
 
 " Hurrah, here's the dinner," shouted Buoyant. 
 
 " That's plummy !" vociferated Mrs. Bodger." 
 
 " Glorious puff devilish puff good," intermittingly ejacu- 
 lated Walter, who had not ceased smoking 1 , and whohadreplen^ 
 ished his case in Richmond. 
 
 "Now, I hope, we shall enjoy ourselves," said Miss Bodger. 
 
 " What detained you so long, Mrs. B. dear," enquired Miss 
 Azure. 
 
 " Why, my love," answered Mrs. Brindle, wiping her fore- 
 head, for she was still ' dripping dew/ " when I was drying- my 
 boy's and my own clothes, I remembered there was nobody to 
 meet the villain Jim with the dinner, so I directly started off, 
 and the Budds would go with me down to the bridge ; and there 
 I waited waited, till 1 was tired ; but I had enough to do to 
 keep the boys from mischief ; the little sprightly dog's kept 
 throwing stones, until they broke a window and cut a child's eye 
 open, both of which I had to pay for ; just after, up c mes a 
 large boat, a regular party barge, and four men got out, and 
 brought out our parcels with them, which, as soon as I saw, 1 
 went up to them, and asked them how they came by them ; and, 
 would you believe it, the rude fellows called me the ' fat cook/ 
 but I soon undeceived them ; I enquired for Jim, and learned that 
 he had opened the wine hamper, had g-ot beastly intoxicated, 
 and was lying- fast asleep in the cabin, or whatever you call it, 
 of the pleasure boat. I g-ot one of the men to wake him ; and 
 all I could get out of the wretch was, that he was thirsty, arid 
 water did not agree with him, and then he filthily hiccup'd in 
 my face. I sent him to the cabin to sleep off his liquor, and the 
 
 watermen offering to carry the dinner, I I Why, here we 
 
 are/' she concluded. 
 
 " By the bye," said Makemoney, " it would be no bad thing 
 to return by the boat, if it is larg-e enough ?" 
 
 " Oh, quite," answered Mrs. Brindle. 
 
 " A good thought, uncle," cried Sprightly ; <e I imag-ine it 
 will be a clear moonlight night, and that will make it delicious." 
 
 " Besides," broke in Flourish, " we shall not have to endure 
 the heat of the steamer, nor return so soon," 
 
 " Delightful," ejaculated Miss Azure. " Le vent du bureau 
 est bon." 
 
 " Out of evil cometh good," eagerly uttered Miss Young- ; 
 " there is no evil, says Du Moulin, but some g-ood enters into the 
 composition ; and as my illustrious ancestor observes " 
 
 "Mrs. Brindle my wife ma'am," interrupted Mr. Brindle ; 
 " did you put up, as I directed, my pocket-glass in the hamper V 
 
 " Yes, my dear," answered his wife. 
 
 " The loss, Sacharisse, of my telescope, induces a neces- 
 sity for the pocket-glass, give it me." 
 
 u Lor, my dear, we shan't have dinner to day, do wait ?" 
 
 " D n it, Mrs. Brindle ma'am," muttered Mr. B. 
 
208 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " Boatman/' cried Makemoney, " is your boat large enough to 
 take us all back to London ?" 
 
 " Plenty, sir," replied a man advancing from his companions. 
 
 " Then we engage you to do so," said Makemoney. 
 
 " And he engages to do so, I hope," urged Buoyant. 
 
 " The Neoteric Charon is monoculous/ observed Pundit. 
 
 " What's that?" interrogated Mrs. Bodger. 
 
 " That he has a singular vision," replied Buoyant. 
 
 " Why, he's only got one hi," answered Mrs. B. 
 
 " Exactly," exclaimed Buoyant. 
 
 <l Saves trouble, mum," said the waterman, who overheard 
 
 the remark ; " because, you see " He would have grown 
 
 loquacious, but the general cry of " Where shall we dine ? 
 Dinner ! dinner ! " drowned the intended explanation. 
 
 A council was now called to arrange where to dine : the 
 Park, Star and Garter, were to their left ; an hotel, a row of 
 houses, at their back ; a quantity of ditto to their right, and the 
 view in front of them. It was evident that this was not a place 
 for Pic-nic-iana. To be within the gaze of the world had no- 
 thing very rural in it. So, after a slight deliberation, they filed 
 off to the right, and, with a little winding about, found a nice 
 place, a spot encompassed by a few trees, and commanding an 
 extensive view. Here they stopped, and, with as much speed 
 as might be, the cloth was laid upon the grass ; the eatables 
 brought forth ; and, in an inconceivable short period, were being 
 discussed by the party. 
 
 " Well, I likes this," cried Mrs. Bodger, with her mouth 
 full ; " it certain'y is nice to heat your wittles in the hopen 
 hair." 
 
 " Very," responded Mrs. Azure ; " it makes me think on our 
 last trip here : there was no houses then all fields and tresses 
 eh?" 
 
 " Oh, its pleasant to think on hold times, han't it, Hazzher ? " 
 
 " Very," growled Azure. 
 
 " Well, how do you like the dinner ? " asked Mrs. Brindle, 
 who had been serving every body, and stood a very good chance 
 of getting none herself. " How do you like it ? " she asked, 
 with a flattering consciousness of receiving the highest com- 
 mendation. 
 
 " Oh, delicious very nice does great credit never enjoyed 
 any thing more lamb so young so sweet fowls so nice," 
 &c. &c. uttered the party. 
 
 ".Well, I am very glad of that I tried to bless me, Mr. 
 
 Pundit, what is the matter ?" asked Mrs. B. of Mr. P., on seeing 
 him cram his handkerchief to his mouth, turn as pale as death, 
 and rise hastily from his seat. He could not reply, but waved 
 his hand, rushed from the spot, and was very ill behind a tree. 
 This incident gave rise to various conjectures : he had been 
 eating a small pigeon-pie. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 209 
 
 " Its very singular/' remarked Mrs. B. ; " there is nothing- in 
 a pigeon-pie to make any one unwell." 
 
 " Ain't there though," said the elder Budd. 
 
 u What d'ye mean, my child?" asked Mrs. B., with an in- 
 ward conviction of some unpleasant disclosure of youthful vil- 
 lainy. 
 
 " Why, I saw Bob empty a little bottle of physic in that pie. 
 He ! he! he ! " he giggled. 
 
 "Ha! ha! ha!" roared Smerke. 
 
 " Bottle of physic ! " faintly reiterated Mrs. B. ; " then that's 
 where my emetic went." She turned to Bob " Oh, you naughty 
 boy." 
 
 " Well," snivelled Bob, " Mr. Joe put some black beetles in 
 that meat-pie Mr. Smerke has been eating.'' 
 
 On this disclosure every one laughed but Smerke ; and the 
 fear of similar discoveries taking place induced nearly every one to 
 believe that they had eaten sufficiently ; particularly on Pundit's 
 return, for his ghastly, pallid look, alarmed all of them ; and 
 Smerke, with the thoughts of the beetles, was waxing mar- 
 vellously white. Various antidotes were prescribed for them. 
 
 " Gin !" cried Azure. 
 
 " Brandy ! " said Mrs. Bod^er. 
 
 " Cigar ! " exclaimed Walter, pull' " nothing puff like a 
 p uff cigar" p uff. 
 
 However, Mrs. Bodg'er's prescription was followed, and seemed 
 to have a very good effect ; for Pundit began to look redder, 
 and Smerke to laugh. A general dispersing now look place. 
 The two Budds were most industriously exerting themselves ; 
 they had already affixed a long paper-tail to the collar of Wal- 
 ter, and a dirty knife-cloth to the tye wig of Mr. Brindle, who 
 still followed the old fashion, and who now was busy with his 
 telescope, muttering, "Beautiful! charming!" and various 
 other words expressive of delight. They (the Budds) then 
 diverted themselves by several other mischievous tricks ; and 
 Joe, having gathered some wild flowers, decorated, with much 
 perseverance and ingenuity, the cap with which Miss Young 
 adorned her head ; while Bob was busy. emptying a bottle of 
 port wine into the pocket of Mr. Pundit's plum-coloured coat, 
 as he was conversing very earnestly with Miss Young, and en- 
 deavouring to persuade her to take a glass of wine, which she 
 with aifected juvenile bashfulness, was declining. 
 
 " Look at puff Brindle's puff tail puff," said Walter to 
 Miss Bodger ; "he's got a puff tail puff. Ha! ha! ha! 
 Those voung dogs puff have pinned a puff cloth to his 
 puff tail puff puff." 
 
 " Oh vastly entertaining, no doubt," replied Miss Bodger ; 
 " 1 wonder you don't get rid of that filthy habit of ejecting 
 sm.>ke ; it is a propensity so disgustingly offensive to any but the 
 
 2 F 
 
210 THE PILGRIMS OK THE THAMES 
 
 little-minded follower of it, that lam surprised decent people 
 should tolerate it." 
 
 " Well, now puff" answered Walter, not at all affected by 
 the remark, " I have puff heard " 
 
 A scream from Mrs. Bodger, and a smashing- of plates, an- 
 nounced that Mr. Brindle had stepped back unconsciously into a 
 quantity, which the last-mentioned lady had been gathering- 
 together, and drew from her a flood of invective upon his unfor- 
 tunate propensity. 
 
 Sprightly, who was lying, ' a la Hamlet,' at the feet of Miss 
 Azure, laughed heartily at this mishap, and drew a retrospective 
 review of the events of the day, with so much humour, that Miss 
 Azure felt highly amused. 
 
 " Poor Pundit/' he smilingly continued, " looked horribly 
 rueful after the emetic, and our grinning friend grew grave. 
 Here's Brindle, in using his glass too freely, is breaking his 
 
 plates, and " 
 
 " You are spilling your wine/' interrupted Miss Azure ; 
 " gracious me, look there," she exclaimed suddenly. Sprightly 
 turned his head, and beheld his uncle, quite overcome by the 
 intense heat, fast asleep under a tree ; while the elder Miss 
 Brindle was dressing him in a shawl and bonnet, the property 
 of Mrs. Bodger ; and Flourish, with some flowers and grass at 
 the end of a cane, was tickling the old gentleman's nose, who 
 every now and then rubbed the part affected, exciting the jocu- 
 cularity of Smerke ; which Miss B. the younger, giggling 
 mightily herself, endeavoured ineffectually to repress. 
 
 Mr. Azure, who would attempt nothing sprightly after his 
 failure in his leap from the boat to the shore, kept " drinking 
 gin with great spirit," as Tom Buoyant observed ; and Mrs. 
 Azure, who had a leaning to that pellucid liquid, waited with 
 some patience to receive a portion , which, after seeing the de- 
 parture of four or five glassfuls down his thirsty throat, she 
 doubted the attainment of, and therefore made a snatch at the 
 bottle, which came readily into her possession from the unsus- 
 pecting, unresisting hand of Azure ; but, as she unfortunately 
 expected the reverse, and did not intend to carry on the attack, 
 meaning the snatch merely as a hint, the consequence was, the 
 bottle fell with some force, broke, and distributed the liquor 
 upon the parched and thirsty turf. This accident was to Azure 
 one of frightful importance ; for the only pleasure he had tasted 
 on his trip came from that bottle. Here, in an instant, he saw 
 the cup of bliss dashed from his lips ; he had been but little 
 pleased during the day he expected much less gratification for 
 the remainder : all this flashed like lightning through his brain, 
 and, turning to his wife, he gave vent to a tremendous exclama- 
 tion, loo horrid for " polite ears ;" and, contrary to his usual 
 custom, added to it a quantity of words " You've done it, you 
 
I.\ SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 211 
 
 greedy old hag-, you huve ; 1 wish 1 hadn't come ; I didn't want 
 
 to come, you know 1 didn't ; and if 1 don't go may L be ;" 
 
 and off he started. 
 
 " My dear, 1 couldn't help it," replied his wife ; " you know 
 I couldn't ; it was all " arid she followed. 
 
 " Mr. Buoyant, you haven't seen my Swallow, have you ? " 
 asked Mrs. Brindle of the punster. 
 
 " No, ma'am," answered Buoyant ; " \ was too much engaged 
 with my own dinner to notice how much you eat." 
 
 " How much I ? Ah, you mistake my meaning 1 ; I 
 
 spoke of my son." 
 
 " Your son is in the shade of that tree ; I fancy I saw him 
 leave the Budds for the trees," cried Buoyant, delighted at 
 having an opportunity to pun. 
 
 Mrs. Brindle walked to the tree, and for an instant peeped 
 over, but saw sufficient to make her dart forward, with a shout, 
 and seize her son, who was in the act of devouring, with all 
 possible swiftness, a jam tart, and dispensing frugally portions of 
 his plenty to Flourish's dog ; who sat eagerly watching for the 
 proffered bits, which, like angels' visits, were " few and far be- 
 tween ; " and, as Buoyant described it (for he followed Mrs. 
 Brindle, and, looking over the tree, saw the whole affair), every 
 piece from Swallow to Snap was snapped up and swallowed by 
 the dog, who sat there bolting with all his speed. 
 
 " Ha ! you naughty boy/' screamed Mrs. Brindle ; " give me 
 the tart ; " you'll kill yourself, you greedy little glutton, you 
 will you good for nothing," &c. &c. She was about to inflict 
 coercion, when Buoyant restrained her. 
 
 " Nay," he observed, " do not look so sour about a little 
 tart ; the young colt is only a trifle Brindle-/?zW. Nay, don't 
 strike him you know a blow is sure to bring on a breeze." 
 
 Mrs. Br.ndle refrained. 
 
 il There," said Buoyant, leading the weeping Swallow from 
 h s mother, " young gentleman, you were on the eve of being 
 caned ; and, even if you were able to bear it, your mother is 
 not brute enough to do it." 
 
 M.fcs Bodger overheard the last speech of Buoyant, and she 
 did not fail to give him her opinion of it. 
 
 " How happy you must be, Buoyant," she exclaimed. 
 
 " Why ? " he asked. 
 
 "Oh," she laughed, "there is no need to ask why. How- 
 ever, as you really are the victim of such ineffable stupidity, 1 
 will enlighten your dull brain. You must find a great pleasure 
 in giving birth to those immeasurably abortive attempts at wit, 
 or you would not put the kindness of your acquaintances to so 
 painful a test ; and if such extremely slight trifles, lighter than 
 air, can i give you joy great as your content/ why you can have 
 nothing to create sorrow ; therefore, you must be happy. You 
 verify the old proverb, ' Trifles please little minds/ ' 
 
212 THF, PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " Ob, you are too flattering'," bowed Buoyant. 
 
 " You don't say so ; indeed," sneeringly, smilingly, uttered the 
 pungent petticoat, as she curtseyed. 
 
 The smashing of the plates, the screaming- of Mrs. Bodger, 
 the breaking of the bottle, the outcry of Mrs. Brindle, the tricks 
 of the Miss Brindles and Flourish, and the " Ha ! ha ! ha !" of 
 smiling- Smerke, had the effect of rousing- Makemoney from, as 
 Miss Young- observed, 
 
 * Tir'd Nature's sweet restorer, balmy Sleep ! ' 
 
 quoting- her eminently great ancestor ; Complaint, Night 1. 
 
 The rousing- and rising- of Makemoney caused a simultaneous 
 movement in the whole party ; they gathered tog-ether, in hopes 
 that something- would be proposed to make the " visit pleasant." 
 Makemoney, upon discovering that he had been decked in the 
 garments of a lady, testified for an instant some surprise, but 
 finding that it was " only their fun," entered into the feeling 
 with great good humour ; and, after a little ' badinage,' a stroll 
 was proposed and agreed to. Off they started to Richmond 
 Park ; leaving Mrs. Azure and Mrs. Bodger to take up the 
 fragments and replace them in the baskets, which they lost no 
 time in doing. The watermen, who had waited at a short dis- 
 tance, had been presented with a good " blow out," and were 
 now called by the two ladies to remove the hampers to the 
 boat. 
 
 " Here, you one hied gunner," elegantly exclaimed Mrs. 
 Bodger, " just drop that bottle, will you ; its like your impe- 
 rence to take other people's lush without asking ; you're cheap 
 at nothing, and no gammon." 
 
 " Vy, you see, marm," replied the monocular Charon, " I was 
 werry thusty, and I knew your good natur wouldn't let you say 
 no if I axed you ; and so you see I thought I wouldn't trouble 
 you to say yes ; you see " 
 
 " Humbug precious humbug," replied Mrs. Bodger ; " come, 
 shoulder the hamper and trudge." 
 
 The man obeyed grinningly ; for he had taken a long pull at 
 the bottle before he heard, or rather would hear, the lady's 
 command to " drop it." 
 
 Mrs. Brindle succeeded in stowing away the things very 
 nicely and compactly. She took much trouble in so packing 
 them that they would not run much hazard of breaking ; yet 
 she feared that they would riot go safe, for the cord which had 
 bound them so firmly on their passage here had been taken by 
 the boys ; therefore, she cautioned the men several times to be 
 careful in carrying them. They shouldered the baskets, and 
 Mrs. Brindle, with some trepidation, watched their departure : 
 she feared some mishap a presentiment of evil oppressed her, 
 and in a few seconds it was verified. The one-eyed gentleman, 
 in the height of his jocularity, regardless of any impediments 
 
I\ SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 213 
 
 King- in his path, trudged forward, chuckling- to himself with 
 pleasure at the success of his impudence 
 
 "They canst not say hut I hail the rrown 
 I WHS not fool, as \vell as villain " 
 
 when dire misfortune his toe caught an unseen stone, and he, 
 and hamper, plates, dishes, glasses, knives, and forks, were scat- 
 tered in grievous disorder upon the grass. Mrs. Brindle and 
 Mrs. Bodger screamed in concert, and spontaneously rushed for- 
 ward ; but, alas ! they reached the spot only in time to pick up 
 the pieces. Upon seeing- the extent of the destruction, Mrs. 
 Brindle stood motionless with horror ; scarcely a thing was 
 whole ; fragments were strewed in all parts. The man was 
 least damaged : he arose, and for a moment shook himself, as if 
 to ascertain whether any bones had followed the example of the 
 plates ; but finding that not to be the case, he set the hamper 
 up, and then sat down upon it, crossed his arms upon his knees, 
 and, rolling his one eye over the devastation, coolly contem- 
 plated the effects of his disaster ; at length, he exclaimed, 
 
 " This is a rummy go." 
 
 Mrs. Bodger was of an irascible temperament : had the pro- 
 perty been her own she could not have felt greater anger than 
 she did now ; for a moment her rage had taken away her 
 speech ; during which space of time she watched with astonish- 
 ment the movement of our unfortunate water wight ; when 
 " This is a rummy go ! " burst on her ear. Her passion now got 
 the better of her prudence ; had the consequences been ever so 
 frightful, it would have been of no consequence ; bursting with 
 rage unutterable, she darted forward to the man. " Rummy 
 go, is^it ?" she shouted, " there, take that \" and she bestowed 
 upon him a tremendous smack on the side of the head, which, 
 with terrific velocity, placed him again among the broken 
 crockery ; and with considerable satisfaction did she survey the 
 effects of her gift. " There, there !" she muttered, with great 
 enjoyment. Up bounded he of the one eye, with deeply crim- 
 soned cheek, and a horrible sing-ing in the ears, which lasted 
 him a week : upon gaining- his feet, he advanced speedily, with 
 clenched hands, to Mrs. Bodger. 
 
 " Hallo, old gal ! " he vociferated ; " what's that for ? " 
 
 But we will spare our readers the colloquy that ensued. 
 Mrs. Brindle, growing- terribly alarmed that a battle would take 
 place, separated the belligerent parties ; and, telling the man 
 she would be at the loss of the crockery, sent him with the few 
 things that were saved to the boat, rubbing his tingling cheek, 
 and giving utterance to many and various names. 
 
 We must now turn and follow the strollers. Miss Young and 
 Pundit had found so much pleasure in each other's company, that 
 they paired off ; Miss Azure and Miss Bodger did the same; 
 Flourish, Sprightly, and Smerke.kqH together, and Make money, 
 
214 THS PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 who had strolled with them, was suddenly found wanting- : they, 
 therefore, commenced a search for him ; Buoyant followed the 
 perambulations of the Budds and Swallow, according to a wish 
 expressed to that effect by Mrs. Brindle, but on seeing that 
 lady approach, he advanced to her, resigned his charge, and 
 underwent the infliction of a minute's history of the affray from 
 Mrs. Bodger, who accompanied Mrs. Briridle; he laughed much 
 at hearing of the blow ; asking if she gave it him in the wind ; 
 and, saying she did right " to pitch into the tar," left them. 
 
 The whole of the party were now rambling, in different parties, 
 in different parts of the park ; the motives inducing this separa- 
 tion were various ; on the ladies parts the desire of meeting with 
 gipseys was the principal one, therefore, the two Miss Brindles 
 sidled off. Miss Young tried all in her power to quit Mr. Pundit, 
 but he was not to be shaken off, and she was compelled to give 
 up all hopes of having her fortune told ; she, however, turned 
 farther from the rest of the party, indulging a faint expectation 
 that he would join them and leave her to the opportunity of 
 learning whether, and when, she should have a husband, &c. 
 But Mr. Pundit had found a person who professed great reve- 
 rence for the ancients, and he indulged himself by giving excerpts 
 from authors whose existence Miss Young had never heard of 
 until now. The names of Phocy tides, Isocrates, Epicurus, 
 Antoninus, Theophrastus, Theognis, Archytas Empedocles, &c. 
 &c., were * all Greek ' to her ; but the hope of being able to 
 quote her illustrious ancestor, and the supposition that they 
 might have been almost equally great, induced her to listen with 
 some patience, and thus employed, they wandered through the 
 park, the enjoyment of which oberration, Pundit declared was 
 excessive. 
 
 Mrs. Bodger quitted Mrs. Brindle, and sought her daughter, 
 whom she took from the company of Miss Azure, ' to have a go 
 at the lines in her hand by the gipsez/ and Miss Azure finding 
 herself thus deserted, joined Sprightly, Flourish, and Smerke, 
 and accompanied them in their search for Makemoney ; they had 
 not strolled far, when the voice of a gipsey dealing out fortune 
 and happiness struck on their ear, and the voice was accompani- 
 ed by a laugh, which Sprightly, in an instant, knew to be Make- 
 money's. " By all the Gods in the Mythology," cried he, 
 " there is my uncle having his fortune told. Hush ! hush ! 
 softly gently we'll unkennel the old fox this is what he 
 gave us the slip for, is it ?" 
 
 A slight opening in the trees presenting itself, Sprightly and 
 Flourish struggled to gain first peep, while Smerke stifled the 
 4 Ha ! ha ! ha !' that rose to his lips ; the opening being of suffi- 
 cient size to enable the two to see without being seen, they gazed 
 with unfeigned delight upon the scene ; there they saw M*>ke- 
 money leaning his back against a tree, while a young black -eyed 
 gipsey with his right hand in her possession, was telling him 
 
, 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 215 
 
 all that nearly and dearly concerned him the past, present, and 
 to come. 
 
 " Here," she exclaimed, looking him steadfastly and roguishly 
 in the face, with as bright and black a pair of eyes as ever laugh- 
 ed from underneath the long silken lashes of a Castilian beauty ; 
 " Here, I see/' said she, " in these lines, much that tells of good 
 fortune ; you had prosperity in your business ; you were born 
 under Jupiter, which is a lucky planet; the stars decreed thy 
 fortune, and their prophecy is fulfilled, am 1 right ?" 
 
 Makemoney nodded. 
 
 " Jupiter did not enter the house of Venus till long after your 
 birth ; you have gdued wealth ; you have obtained fortune ; you 
 sought for it ; have it ; but you have not searched for a heart , 
 not men's hearts, for those your money will acquire for you ; but 
 a woman's heart you have not looked for, and you yet remain 
 alone am I right?" 
 
 Makemoney looked peculiar, as he nodded. 
 
 " Ha ! ha' ha!" swallowed Smerke. 
 
 " I know it," she continued ; " but there is a heart in store 
 for you ; one which will cleave to you through weal and woe ; 
 she is a dark beauty, and it rests with yourself to be happy with 
 her for life." 
 
 '* Nonsense, you rogue," chuckled Makemoney. 
 
 11 By heavens ! she means herself," whispered Sprightly to 
 Flourish. 
 
 " Very like it," was the answer ; " it is to be hoped she will 
 not prevail on your uncle's soft susceptibility, and lead him 
 astray !" 
 
 '* Deluding idea," uttered Sprightly. 
 
 "Ha! ha! ha!" smothered Smerke. 
 
 " Have 1 seen her ?" asked Makemoney, and looked full into 
 the flashing eyes of the gipsey ; now- it is no joke to look into 
 such eyes, particularly when the owner is returning the gaze 
 kindly, brightly, and meaningly ; Makemoney felt * all overish,' 
 and 
 
 " You might hear the beatings of h.s heart, 
 Quick, but not strong." 
 
 " You have," softly and hesitatingly replied the girl. 
 
 " Um ! I have, you little rascal, eh? and will you not tell me 
 where, you bright eyed Egyptian pearl, eh ?" asked Makemoney 
 tenderly, and we think mind, we only think, he squeezed her 
 hand. 
 
 " Ye gods ! my uncle grows affectionate," said Sprightly, 
 " this will never do. Hallo! there's another," he cried, as a 
 second gipsey, accompanied by a boy and girl, stole up to the 
 tree against which Makemoney leaned, without attracting the 
 old gentleman's attention. 
 
 " Your worthy nunkey," said Flourish, "will never be able to 
 withstand the united attacks of those dark eyed damsels. I thin 1 
 
*216 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 we had better interpose, and save him from their gentle fascina- 
 tions." 
 
 "Ha! ha! ha!" choked Smerke. 
 
 " I must appeal to you, as a lady, to advise us what course 
 why, where's Miss Azure ?" enquired Sprightly, interrupt- 
 ing" himself on missing- the lady. 
 
 Neither Flourish, or Smerke, could tell ; but an object mov- 
 ing- through the trees at a short distance, caught their eye, and 
 just stepping a few paces, discovered Miss Azure being led by 
 the little gipsey girl, to learn her fate, they supposed of some 
 older branch of the fraternity. 
 
 "Oh, hang it," cried Uprightly, "let her go; we must in- 
 terrupt this insinuating demoiselle, or there is no telling what 
 my uncle may be induced to do." 
 
 They again sought their hiding place, arid saw Makemoney 
 chucking the girl under the chin, and evidently growing very 
 delighted and very excited. 
 
 " The case is growing desperate," said Sprightly ; " we must 
 disturb them we have no other course our philanthropy will 
 not suffer us to remain neuter." 
 
 " Decidedly not," answered Flourish ; " however it may grieve 
 us to act so peremptorily; besides," he concluded, with mock 
 gravity, " it is all for his good !" 
 
 " Undoubtedly," laughed Sprightly. 
 
 ' Ha ! ha ! ha !" gurgled Smerke. 
 
 But they were spared the cruel necessity, by a sudden crash 
 and a piercing shriek. They rushed from their place of con- 
 cealment, and discovered, close to the .^pot, Mrs. Brindle, with 
 out-stretched arms, preparing to catch Master Joe Budd, who, 
 followed by his brother, had climbed a tree in search of a bird's 
 nest for Master Swallow ; he mounted a branch which age had 
 withered, although the spring had kindly decked it with a few 
 green sprigs, and, not being of sufficient strength to retain him, 
 crashed broke and deposited him, with tremendous violence, 
 in the arms of Mrs. B., who also had not sufficient strength to 
 bear the weight ; consequently, she and Joe were scattered on 
 the ground in an instant with " lightning's speed." There she 
 lay. Master Bob, who had not reached the branch, gazed with 
 affright on his brother's leaving the bough (as Tom Buoyant ob- 
 served, who, not being far distant, was attracted to the spot by 
 the scream) and wisely and quickly descended the way he 
 arose ; w T hlie Master Swallow, with a pot of jam which he had 
 purloined from a basket, gazed on his prostrate parent with the 
 same cool indifference that he had seen " the Budd leave the tree." 
 He had his pot of jam safe, which was all he loved or cared 
 for. 
 
 As we have just now observed, there lay Mrs. Brindle and 
 Joe, until they were ass'sted to their feet by Sprightly and 
 Flourish, who forgot, for a moment, Makemoney's situation in 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 217 
 
 the accident which just occurred ; but, on ascertaining" that nei- 
 ther Mrs. B. nor Joe were hurt, only *' uncommonly frightened," 
 they turned to seek the old gentleman, and just caught him 
 giving money to the gypsies, and sending: them away. 
 
 " Aha ! ho ! ho ! my good uncle," shouted Sprightly ; te is 
 this why you departed from our presence so stealthily, eh ? 
 Fairly caught. Ha ! ha ! ha ! " 
 
 Makemoney turned hastily round, and discovered that the 
 whole party were assembled ; for the scream of Mrs. B., which 
 was long* and piercing, had brought the whole pack around him : 
 for a moment he was quite disconcerted, and saw no way of es- 
 caping the jeers of the party. 
 
 tc What ! " exclaimed Pundit, " Mr. Makemoney in operta- 
 neous, colloquial consultation with an oneirocritic ! lam almost 
 obmutescent. ' Soothsayers, interpreters of dreams, and all 
 who pretend to a knowledge of the dispensations of fate, are 
 low, base, cunning impostors/ said Chrysippus, and Ennius tells 
 us, that * Augurs and soothsayers, astrologers and interpreters 
 of dreams, . with [vain pretence to more than human skill, I 
 ne'er consult and heartily despise.' This, and much more, do 
 the ancients say, and I fully agree with them." 
 
 " Ah," cried Miss Young, " but my revered predecessor says 
 that ' Old Rome consulted birds/ Now, the citizens of old 
 Rome were ancients, and wasn't that worse than consulting 
 gypsies." 
 
 Pundit hummed and ha'a'd for a reply. 
 
 In the mean time, Sprightly and Flourish kept bantering 
 Makemoney most unmercifully. 
 
 " My dear uncle," cried Sprightly, " what did she promise 
 you ? what say the stars ? are you to live all the days of your 
 life, and die when you cease to breathe ? " 
 
 " Who is the lady ? " interrupted Flourish ; " is she dark or 
 fair brown or white blue eyes or black short or tall thin 
 or stout sweet-tempered or Xantippeious ? " 
 
 " What's the first letters of her name ? " asked Mrs. Azure. 
 
 " Her eyes, 
 
 Her hair, her features, all, to the very tone 
 Even of her voice " 
 
 quoted Miss Azure. 
 
 " Did she say puff that you should puff have a puff 
 partner for puff ii-e-fe ? " drawled and whiffed Walter. 
 
 " Nay," said Miss Bodger, " a person in the vale of years 
 like Mr. Makemoney, needs a partner to soothe his descent to 
 that ' bourne from whence no traveller returns ; ' and it shews 
 a nice discrimination in him, who has not the impetuosity or the 
 frailness of youth to precipitate him into the commission of an 
 act which requires such foresight and forethought ; and there- 
 fore, with a wisdom peculiar to himself, and a coolness which 
 great age bestows, he sought for the decrees of fate from one 
 
 2 G 
 
'218 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 who knew ha ! ha ! ha ! much less about them than he did 
 himself. Poor Mr. Makemoney ! It is a frightfully weak- 
 mindedness in females, but in an elderly gentleman oh, dear 
 dear." 
 
 '' Oh, but. they tells liuncommon true/' ejaculated Mrs, 
 Bodgeiv 
 
 " Humbug- ! " said Azure. 
 
 '\H'd ! ha ! ha ! " warbled Smerke. 
 
 " Oh, but they does," continued Mrs. B. ; "I'm sure wot they 
 told you, Sally/' she observed, turning- to her daug-hter, " was 
 very strange all about that dark young- man, with the large 
 whisker*, taid round hies ; there was no gammon in that, was 
 there ? All true I should think so ! " 
 
 There was an universal laugh at Miss Bodger's expence. 
 
 If looks were daggers, Mrs. Bodger would have fallen to the 
 ground,, mortally wounded ; such a malignant, piercing glance 
 Hashed from the bright black eyes of Miss Sally Bodger. 
 
 Makemoney now endeavoured to change the subject, but 
 Sprightly would not suffer him. 
 
 "No, no, my good uncle," he jovially cried, "you must tell 
 us all she said. Were you not to have a dark beauty, who 
 would cleave to you through weal and woe? Was she rig-lit ? 
 eh ? " 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha !" laughed Smerke. The party joined in the mirth. 
 
 '"' A little rascal that gypsey, eh ? " cried Flourish ; " a bright- 
 cved Egyptian pearl." 
 
 " " Ha f ha ! ha ! " roared Smerke : " Ha ! ha ! ha ! " echoed 
 the party ; and Makemoney heartily joined. 
 
 " So, then," he cried, " you heard " 
 
 '*' A trifle, so I believe," replied Sprightly. 
 
 "Indeed," exclaimed Miss Bodger ; "a noble employment 
 for gentlemen" and she laid a particular stress upon the last 
 word " that same eaves-dropping, truly." 
 
 Both gentlemen, made her a low bow, and Sprightly observed, 
 with much irony, " I shall certainly come to you, my dear 
 girl, for absolution ; for your keen perception of what is proper, 
 your strong- mindedness, your unprejudiced view of circumstances, 
 induce rne to believe I could not find a being more worthy of 
 being' my absolver of sins." 
 
 " There/' cried Buoyant, " how can you steel yourself againt 
 his irony." 
 
 Miss Bodger felt her colour come arid go ; she bit her lips, and 
 tried to laugh it off, but unfortunately made a dead failure ; 
 which Sprightly observing", felt almost sorry for what he had 
 said, and endeavoured to remove the attention of the party from 
 her : observing, " But, my dear Miss Bodger, you forget all this 
 while we are suffering- my uncle to slip through our fingers; 
 rpnjc, sir/' he said, turning- to his uncle, " your mystery your 
 1 ' I cry." 
 
IX SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 219 
 
 %i Well, if 1 must tell you," replied Makemoney, * l why, of 
 course " 
 
 " Oh, certainly, oh, yes, do, do," cried the party. 
 
 " Well then, she told me, would you believe it? that but 
 it will not interest you." 
 
 " Oh, yes, yes, it will, it must," exclaimed the party, whose 
 curiosity was much excited. 
 
 " Well then, she said, ' There's ne'er a rogue in .ill Den- 
 mark, but he's an arrant knave.' Ha ! ha ! ha ! would you 
 have believed it ?" 
 
 'Oh, shame shame nonsense/' the party exclaimed. 
 
 At this moment, Makemoney suddenly began searching" his 
 garments ; he thrust, first his right, and then his left, hand into 
 his coat pockets, and rummaged unsuccessfully ; the curiosity of 
 the party was again excited ; he patted his pockets again, and 
 again, then took off his hat and looked into it, but fruitlessly, 
 and he ultimately exclaimed " It is gone ?" 
 
 " What was gone ?" was the general question. " His hand- 
 kerchief!'' This loss created much merriment. 
 
 " My ighs !" suddenly shouted Mrs. Bodger, who was con- 
 templating her pocket clock ; " why, I'm blessed, if it arnt seven. 
 o'clock ; so, if we're agoin to have any tea, we'ed better git it at 
 wonce." 
 
 This was generally agreed to, and in about a quarter of an 
 hour succeeding, they found themselves ensconced comfortably 
 in the large room of the Star and Garter, and a tea equipage, 
 with all its apparatus and appendages, arranged in prime taste 
 before them ; everything was g*ood, and every thing was nice, 
 and as those little disclosures at dinner had prevented most of 
 the members eating as heartily as they would otherwise have 
 done, they made up now for the deficiency by doing perfect 
 justice to all before them; this meal seemed to be enjoyed by 
 every one, more than any thing eke which had occurred during- 
 the day ; they laughed, joked, drank, smoked, chattered, and, 
 indeed, seemed quite happy, when a powerful stopper was clap- 
 ped upon their mirth and enjoyments. 
 
 As might be expected, the offsprings were the springs of the 
 accident we are about to relate : it will be remembered that Mrs. 
 Brindle complained that one of the boys had purloined the cord 
 which had fastened the hampers ; a portion of this line still re- 
 mained in the possession of Master Joe Budd, who suddenly 
 conceived a great affection for Flourish's dog, but as the dog was 
 not singular in his attachment, he roved from person to per- 
 son in pursuit of whatever eatables they might bestow upon 
 him ; this roving disposition created a desire in the youth- to 
 restrain him by some more powerful means than any hold on his 
 affections, which might have been obtained by him at the ex- 
 pence of sundry large pieces of provision ; he, therefore, doubt- 
 ing the strength of the animal's attachment, attached the said 
 
2*20 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 cord to the dog's neck and to the handle of the tea-tray, he then 
 threw a piece of cold meat to the animal, which tell w'ithout the 
 distance which the cord allowed him to reach, and the conse- 
 quences were, that in making a violent bound, he drew the tea- 
 r:ps *nd saucers, basons, plates, tea-pot, &c., &c., from the 
 . :o.o to the ground. The crash, the din, the screams, the hor- 
 rid clatter, was frightfully stunning ; in an instant, the landlord, 
 followed by a tribe of waiters, maids, strangers, &c., filled the 
 room, to ascertain the cause of the uproar ; and what a scene 
 presented itself! the floor was strewn with the demolished tea 
 things chairs and tables here and there, and the whole room pre- 
 sented one mass of disorder : the various members of the Pic-nic, 
 mixed in glorious confusion, were loud in their ealls for 
 vengeance upon the* delinquent ; very few had escaped some 
 grievous effects of this disaster; poor Mrs. Brindle, as usual, 
 suffered most ; that horrid disease of the nerves, ever rendered 
 <ier suspicious of some evil ; she saw the tea things on the wane, 
 without knowing the cause ; she had not a second look, she 
 stretched out her arms to stay their fall, and received cups full 
 of tea, plates of bread and butter, &c., &c., in her bosom, with- 
 out the satisfaction of saving one from destruction. Mrs. 
 Dodger had a quantity of cream poured into her lap; her lavender 
 t.ilk dress was, therefore, spoiled, and her outcry upon the dis- 
 covery was outrageous. Pundit was just sipping a cup of tea, 
 vhich was too hot to drink, when the bound of Buoyant, to 
 .scape the falling' mass, caused a collision, which jerked the 
 /hole of the burning liquid into his face and neck ; while Azure 
 iiad the tea-urn popped suddenly into his possession. He instant- 
 r/ discovered that it was c too hot to hold,* and immediately 
 rlaced it upon the ground, with what might be termed a good 
 throw : directly he had disposed of it thus, he commenced 
 quivering both hands with great rapidity in the air, then squeez- 
 ed them against his body with his arms, and then bowed himself 
 to the ground, or rather, we would hay, curtseyed, only the 
 speed with which he committed the act, might render it doiibt- 
 : 1 us to the truth of the term ; he accompanied his ' bobs ' with 
 the hurried and angry exclamation of " I wish I hadn't come 
 1 didn't want to come dolt, dolt, dog, fool, to come won't 
 
 .e any more never!" 
 
 The two Miss Brindles had the contents of a coffee biggen 
 
 own over their white dresses, which were not improved in 
 
 itcness by the occurrence ; in truth, the whole party, more or 
 
 , suiiered by the catastrophe ; and their reflections did not 
 
 1 to increase the happiness or welfare of the offending Budd : 
 
 ildren were universally voted a bore, and in the last case 
 
 venile fiagrancy, flogging was deemed highly necessary ; 
 
 ;ever, as no one offered to put the general wish into execu- 
 
 , I aster Budd escaped the castigation he so well deserved, 
 
 vuuld, otherwise, have received. The broken tea thing.* 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 2'2l 
 
 were removed, and fresh ones'substituted'; peace was restored, 
 and the meal finished ; it was now getting near nine o'clock, 
 and it was, therefore, thought high time to leave the Inn and 
 proceed to the boat : this was done, and every one, without the 
 slightest accident, got safely into the vessel, and found them- 
 selves comfortably situated in a commodious pleasure barge. 
 Universal satisfaction was expressed, and, when the bustle was 
 over, the beauty of the night attracted particular attention : the 
 moon was shedding 1 the silver glory of its cloudless splendour 
 over the blue landscape, it was at the full ; charming" as moon- 
 light nights had appeared many times preceding this evening, 
 yet they had never seemed to all in the party so beautiful : the 
 air was still and quiet, and the existence of a faint breeze was 
 only discovered as it slightly cooled the cheek it kissed : every 
 thing seemed imbued with a loveliness surpassing description"; 
 and those who gazed upon its charms felt powerfully 
 
 " Nature, how beautiful art thou ! " 
 
 " Well, Pm blessed if it aint the beautifullest night I was 
 hever hout hin," observed Mrs. Bodger, who was the first to 
 break the silence. 
 
 " Yes/' replied Sprightly 
 
 " Night is bare 
 From one lonely cloud, 
 The moon rains out her beams, and heaven is overflowed.' 
 
 <f Beautiful ! exquisite ! " fervently exclaimed Miss Azure, 
 who, in the present instance, really felt what she said ; but she 
 must quote ; the propensity wa too strong to be resisted ; and, 
 after expatiating on the glory of the moonbeams on blue waters, 
 she spoke of the moon, " broad, and round, and bright," and 
 its 
 
 ' Light, through summer foliage stealing; 
 Shedding a glow of such mild hue, 
 So warm, and yet so shadowy too, 
 As makes the very darkness there 
 More beautiful than light elsewhere." 
 
 This drew from Miss Young a quotation from her relation. 
 Here was the misfortune of Miss Azure's love for quoting ; she 
 never gave lines from an author ; but Miss Young found means 
 to give something from her illustrious, &c. ; or, if the latter was 
 the first to quote, Miss Azure followed with something from 
 somebody. 
 
 " Oh," cried Miss Young, " this lovely moonlight gives us 
 all delight. Ah, how divinely my great ancestor wrote on 
 night, and he says in his Seventh Night what we may see now : 
 
 "A crystalline transparency prevails, 
 And strikes full lustre through the human sphere." 
 
 " How beautiful Kew Bridge looks by moonlight," chimed 
 in Makemoney. 
 
THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 tl Beautiful ! beautiful ! '' echoed the- party, who were grow- 
 ing* rather tired and rather sleepy : in fact, be it known, to the 
 happiness of the adults, the youths were already soundly locked 
 in the arms of Morpheus. 
 
 " I wonder," cried Sprightly, " if we shall see the ' white 
 lady of Kew ! " 
 
 " Who is she ? " inquired the ladies. 
 
 " A ghost ! " replied Sprightly, and laughed. 
 
 " Mercy on us ! " muttered the ladies, and shuddered ; " we 
 hope not." 
 
 " I don't like ghosts," said Mrs. Brindle, .softly and timidly, 
 as if she was afraid one would hear her. 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! " grinned Smerke. 
 
 " Oh> but 1 can assure you," urged Sprightly, "that this is a 
 most sweet, gentle ghost." 
 
 " What is it all about, Jem ?" asked his uncle. 
 
 " I'll tell you," answered his nephew. " One evening, such 
 an one as this, 1 was induced to hire a boat, and enjoy an hour 
 or two upon the water. I came up here it was rather later 
 than this- and, in gazing around me, 1 fancied 1 saw, at no in- 
 considerable distance, something white gliding, like a small 
 cloud, upon the surface of the water: I communicated what 1 
 saw to the waterman, and uttered a supposition that it was a 
 white vapour or exhalation from the water." 
 
 " ' Lord bless you, sir,' said the man, and almost seemed to 
 shudder, ' that's no. mist no, no. That's the while lady of 
 Kew, the Lord of Heaven rest her soul.' 
 
 " ' And who is the white lady of Kew ?' 1 asked. At that 
 very moment a low plaintive melody was wafted along the bo- 
 som the of waters by the breeze, and ^ruck with a peculiarly 
 mournful beauty on my ear. I listened intensely, but it soon 
 faded and died away. 
 
 " ' There, sir,' said the man, ' that's the song her lover used 
 to sing to her ; and now she sings it for him.' 
 
 " He then told me the whole story, which is not long ; and, 
 if you wish to hear it, 1 will tell it in my own words." 
 
 " Oh do, do," was the general cry. 
 
 " In the time of 
 
 " Hark ! hark ! " interrupted Mrs. Brindle, whose nerves were 
 horribly strained ; " don't you hear music ? There there 
 hush ! " 
 
 A low sound came floating on their ears, very like mu- 
 sic certainly. Mrs. B. was convinced that this was the " white 
 lady." 
 
 " Look there see " cried Miss Azure ; " there is something 
 white moving, 1 declare. Oh, heaven, defend us ! " 
 
 " Oh ! o oh ! " almost shrieked Mrs. Brindle, 
 
 Every eye was stretched upon the spot, except Mrs. B.'s ; 
 and hers were buried in her handkerchief upon her lap. It was 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 223 
 
 very extraordinary there was something" white moving 1 upon 
 the water it neared them Oh, it was only a sailing-boat, with 
 some persons in it sing-ing " Jack Robinson." 
 
 "How particularly unromantic," cried Sprightly. 
 
 " But how relieving/' ejaculated Mrs. Brindle, as a deep sigh 
 of relief escaped her. 
 
 " Proceed with the story now with the story," was the out- 
 cry of the ladies, faintly echoed by Mrs. Brindle. 
 
 Sprightly bowed and proceeded. " At the beginning of the 
 fifteenth century, there dwelt on the banks of the river, at Kew, 
 a man, who gained a scanty pittance by ferrying persons across 
 the river in his boat ; occasionally he took some persons, who 
 felt a pleasure in the scenery, up and down the river 'for an 
 hour's enjoyment ; but this seldom occurred, as, if he felt no de- 
 sire to go, no persuasion could induce him ; neither fair words, 
 or glittering gold, had any effect upon him ; when he did go, 
 he would take no more than one or two persons with him, and 
 then accepted no remuneration; he was a lone man. At that 
 period, there was no houses nearer to his hut, on his side of the 
 river, if I may so express myself, than the convent at Isleworth, 
 then just built ; and down the river the little village of Puttelei, 
 or Puttenheth, now called Putney ; nearly opposite to his hovel, 
 on the other side of the river, was the house of a sea captain ; 
 thus he lived remote from society, and had no further intercourse 
 with it than what his ferry produced ; from whence, how, or 
 when he came, many conjectured, but none knew. Here he 
 was, and that was the only positive knowledge to be obtained. 
 He was known by the name of Friedel, the ferryman, and that 
 was all. 
 
 " One beautiful nig'ht he seated himself in his boat, and rowed 
 down the river a short distance, and then suffered his boat to 
 be borne by the tide, while he ceased rowing, and gazed upon 
 the scenery around him, 
 
 11 ' This paradise,' he exclaimed, ' oh man ! is thine ; all this 
 beauty is given thee for thy happiness, and how dost thou abuse 
 it ; oh, God, must this loveliness be changed by the unsparing 
 love of ' 
 
 " His attention was caught by something floating on the 
 water he rowed towards it, and found a large basket covered 
 with a dark cloth ; he pulled it into his[boat, opened it, and dis- 
 covered a beautiful child in a sweet calm sleep ; he started in 
 horror, i/ Oh, Cain, Cain, how terribly thy curse has fallen upon 
 us,' he bitterly exclaimed ; ' poor child, hath thy mother so 
 changed her nature from what it should be, that she should 
 doom thee to a death so cruel ? but why should I doubt it ?' arid 
 he laughed in scorn : ' has not my heart been withered by one ? 
 but, no matter, it is past. Woman, beautiful as thou art, thy 
 universal mother's frailty is a clinging, blighting curse to thee ! 
 
224 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 thou cans't not eradicate the evil implanted in thee, by her fall 
 from purity, and man must still gaze on thee and perish !' 
 
 " A low, faint cry from the child, awakened him from his 
 reverie, and throwing- the cloth carefully over it, he pondered 
 an instant what to do with it. 
 
 "'\thad been happier for thee had'st thou have died, poor 
 helpless innocent/ he cried ; * but thou shalt not perish, for 
 thy mother's heartlessness No ! I'll foster thee, cherish thee, 
 and teach thee the speciousness of all thing's beautiful, but the 
 lovely world man labours so much to destroy/ 
 
 < An old woman, who dwelt in Puttelei, and who was in the 
 habit of crossing the river, now came to his memory, and he deter- 
 mined to place the child with her till he was old enough to live 
 with him ; with this intention, he rowed down the river till he 
 nearly reached the village, and fastening his boat to some trees, 
 he proceeded to the woman's house ; he knocked and gained ad- 
 mittance ; he produced the child, to the astonishment of the old 
 dame, and begged of her to take charge of it ; the child, which 
 was now exposed to the bright light, Friedel saw was of great 
 beauty, and he felt a something creeping over his heart which 
 seemed to breathe to him ' this pure thing shalt thou foster and 
 cherish, and he will twine round thy heart and love thee, and 
 be to thee a sunbeam in the gloom of thy loneliness/ 
 
 " Friedel, in early years, had dwelt in wealth and happiness ; 
 his family were noble, and the possessors of extensive estates on 
 the Rhine ; he sprang from youth to manhood rich in the pos- 
 session of a noble open nature, and a love for all mankind ; he 
 was kind and affable to all, and won the attachment of all 
 around him, but none seemed to idolize him, as did a foster 
 brother, who was the son of a vassal on his father's estate, and 
 ' kindness begetteth kindness,' so Friedel returned his affection 
 warmly and sincerely. They were ever together united by the 
 strongest ties of fraternal affection. 
 
 " On a neighbouring estate, dwelt a baron, a widower, with 
 one fair daughter, who was 
 
 ' A creature to adore 
 No Irss than love, breathing out beams, 
 As flowers do fragrance at every pore.' 
 
 " Is it to be wondered that Friedel, who had so large a portion 
 of affection for his fellow beings, should, upon seeing one 'more 
 exquisite still,' feel for her that love which makes a paradise of 
 a desert ? 'Love,' Plato beautifully tells us, ' showers benignity 
 upon the world : in its presence all harsh passions are hushed 
 and still, it is the author of all soft affections, and the 
 expeller of all ungentle thoughts ; it is the parent of grace and 
 delicacy, of gentleness and delight, of persuasion and desire ; 
 the ornament and impulse of all things the best the love- 
 liest!'" 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL 225 
 
 " True," interrupted Pundit, " Epicurus says ' Love is 
 esteemed for the happiness it can bestow,' and * without love/ 
 says Lucretius, * there would be nothing- charming-, nothing- 
 amiable I" 
 
 " Gammon ! v cried Azure, half-tipsey, " nothing- like gin !" 
 
 " Ha ! ha! ha!" shouted Smerke. 
 
 " Oh its sweet to be loved/' quoted Miss Azure, with the 
 flushed cheek of one who felt what she uttered ; " love is the 
 highest and dearest gift of the Deity, it is sweet from all and 
 to all." 
 
 " The sense is ravish'd, and the soul is blest I" 
 
 " As my illustrious antecedent says," screamed Miss Young. 
 
 " Proceed, Sprightly, with your story/' said Flourish, " or 
 " he checked himself, he was about to utter a rudeness. 
 
 " Well/' continued Sprightly, " one evening', Friedel com- 
 municated his passion for this maiden, to his foster brother, and 
 commissioned him to bear his letters, and woo for him, but alas ! 
 he too soon discovered, that 
 
 " Friendship is constant in all other things, 
 
 Save in the office, and affairs of love, 
 
 Therefore all hearts in love use your own tongues." 
 
 his foster brother, who was possessed of great personal beauty, 
 was, also, of a susceptible nature, and the blaze of this creature's 
 rare charms blinded him, as his, did her ; Friedel found, with an 
 anguish ' too deep for tears/ that she, who had plighted her 
 faith to him, and swore to love him beyond all earthly things, 
 had forgotten her vows, and wedded, notwithstanding his mean 
 birth, the foster brother, who had not remembered that he was 
 destroying every hope of happiness in him, who had raised him 
 from a rank earth to bloom on a fair soil. 
 
 " Friedel stood a blighted, broken-hearted man, his dreams of 
 future bliss were crushed in this frightful reality, and he who 
 had cherished a love for all his race, now turned on them his 
 withering hate : every thing seemed imbued with a horrid in- 
 gratitude, but the bright and beautiful nature, which ever 
 laughed, beneath the sun's warm smile. 
 
 " ' Man ! man ! for whom this lovely world was created, who 
 should have attuned nature's beauty to his own happiness, hath 
 cast it from his heart and placed the canker ' self there as the 
 idol he would worship/ were the last words of Friedel, as he 
 quitted his father-land for ever.' Farewell, we meet not again, 
 the ties which bound us are severed the shaft hath sped from 
 the hand of one, for whose truth, I would have pledged body 
 and soul ; and she she was false the lesson is a bitter one, and 
 is graven on my heart, with a depth, that no time can eradicate ; 
 I leave ye for ever Ye ! who shonld have made this home my 
 Elysium ; ye shall not look upon the wreck ye have made here ;' 
 and he struck his breast with violence. ' Farewell, thou beauti- 
 
 2 H 
 
226 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 fill land of my birth ; thou sunny scene of my unclouded early 
 days ; thy brightness now scorches my sight ; I turn on thee my 
 last look I quit thee for ever/ and the hot tears rolled down 
 his sunken cheek, as he gazed long and earnestly o'er the bloom- 
 ing, glittering land, he should never more behold. 
 
 " He sought the shores of England, and fixed upon his present 
 home, as one best suited to his misanthropical feeling : as one 
 which could be, when he desired it, a solitude ; and, yet, one 
 in which he could see enough of society to feed his scorn. 
 
 " Seventeen years elapsed since his discovery of the child, and 
 he still dwelt on the same spot, and with him that child, who 
 had sprung up into a handsome, manly youth, rather dark com- 
 plexioned, with dark hair, a forehead open, as the thoughts it 
 was the home of ; full, expressive eyes, straight nose, well made 
 lips, which, ever and anon, parted, displaying a set of even white 
 teeth, a face slightly inclined to roundness, and an expression 
 of noble ingenuousness playing over the features, which blended 
 them, and completed the head, his form was slight, but well 
 made, and there was an air of gentleness, hovering over him, 
 which was calculated to excite an interest in ' gentle eyes/ 
 
 " Friedel had watched and tended him from infancy, and culti- 
 vated and directed his mind to the possession of every virtue ; 
 but, at the same time, he endeavoured to instil into him, a doubt 
 of the truth of all human creatures ; which, his adopted child 
 could not feel, for there is a freshness in youthful feelings, that 
 tones things and actions to its own perceptions ; and Alfreyd, 
 (so Friedel had named him,) would not, or rather could not 
 credit the existence of a deceit and heartlessness, which he did 
 not feel, and which he had never seen practised. 
 
 " I have before mentioned that nearly opposite to his hovel 
 was the house of a sea captain, who was a widower, his wife, 
 whom he had loved dearer than aught else in the world, who 
 had from his playmate in infant years, sprung up into the loving 
 girl, and thence to his devoted wife ; had died in giving birth to 
 a daughter, during a voyage he made to Holland ; he returned in 
 time to see all that he thought worth living fof , placed in the 
 grave : his grief may be conceived, not described, language was 
 ever too feeble to express pangs which must be felt to be known ; 
 had the child not have lived, the same grave would have con- 
 tained the wife and husband ; but he could not leave that child 
 to bloom, or fade, as fate might direct, without a friend to rear 
 and tend it, and so he lived on, and his daughter grew from the 
 infant into the smiling affectionate girl ; every day she became 
 more like her mother, and her father, who had believed he would 
 never feel a joy again, saw with increasing pleasure, his tender 
 bud ripening into a beautiful blossom. 
 
 " Being accustomed to cross the river frequently, Friedel was 
 well known to him, in truth, their dispositions assimilating, a 
 sympathy was excited, and eventually a friendship subsisted 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. J2/ 
 
 between them ; thus Alfreyd became the companion of Mary 
 Asphodel, the daughter of the captain, and when two young 
 hearts are ever together, to seek their joys and pleasures, have 
 the same hopes and fears, in common, share the same good and 
 evils, both beautiful, and as innocent as they are beautiful ; 
 who should wonder that they were to each other, what they 
 could never be to aught else? 
 
 " Years fleeted by as happy years will fleet, to make us won- 
 der that we are so old. Alfreyd was more than a boy, and 
 Mary was ripening into woman, and yet, there was something so 
 young, so fresh, in her looks, you would wonder that she could 
 ever look less youthful. 
 
 " Mary Asphodel was one of those rare productions of nature, 
 more often existing in imagination, than in reality ; all that was 
 loving and loveable, seemed centred in her : she was a sun burst 
 on the clouded world ; the one bright flower on a herbless waste. 
 The brightest star in heaven's glittering diadem never emitted 
 sweeter rays than did the gentle blue eye of Mary Asphodel ; 
 never was the sweet name of sunny smile, more fully exempli- 
 fied, than when her small delicate lips curved tenderly expressive 
 of some joy she received, the tone of her ever kind voice trem- 
 bled o'er the heart, like the memory of some rare melody, known 
 and loved in early and happy days ; her long fair hair fell caress- 
 ingly down her shining neck, and her slight, wavy, graceful 
 form confessed her one of nature's faultless models. 
 
 " A maid, 
 
 That paragons description, and wild fame ; 
 One that excels the quirks of blazoning pens, 
 And in the essential vesture of creation, 
 Does bear all excellency." 
 
 quoted Miss Azure, interrupting Sprightly. 
 
 " You'll do, Jem, you'll do," cried Makemoney ; " yon 
 should write a novel ; I've published many, that used to have a 
 great deal of that sort of nonsense." 
 
 " Nonsense !" scornfully echoed Miss Bodger, who felt 
 some interest in the story, and had cast an eye of kindness on 
 Sprightly. 
 
 " She must have puff been a puff de-vil-ish nice puff 
 girl," puffed Walter. 
 
 " 1 should liked to have known her," said Flourish, pulling 
 up his collar. 
 
 " Oh, but she only liked 'ansome chaps," observed Mrs. 
 Bodger. 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha !" roared Smerke. 
 
 Buoyant bit his nails, he couldn't think of a pun. 
 
 " Oh, go on, go on, Mr. Sprightly " cried Mrs. Brindle, who 
 longed to hear all about it. 
 
 A pause succeeding Mrs. Brindle's entreaty ; Sprightly pro- 
 ceeded with his story . 
 
228 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " As Mary Asphodel possessed as much kindness as she was 
 beautiful, it may be expected, that she looked with a favouring 
 eye upon one, who was devotedly attached to her, who had been 
 brought up with her, whom she had been taught to love, and it 
 is possible she might have required no teaching on that point ; 
 however, be that as it may, they were deeply in love with each 
 other ; that sweet, pure love, which knows no worldly distinc- 
 tion, which makes each the other's world, wherein is contain- 
 ed all their joy, their brightness, their happiness ; wherein no 
 outward circumstance has any influence to brighten, or depress, 
 without affecting each equally ; a sympathy, which, like a pure 
 stream, is coloured by the object, reflected in its glittering 
 bosom; the sweetest, the most innocent but no matter, they 
 loved each other deeply and tenderly ; they were never happy 
 apart, and never apart when happy ; though ever together, they 
 were never tired of each other's sweet society ; the few hours 
 which nightly parted them, found them restless, till the morrow 
 should bring the light of each other's countenance to them ; 
 they ever found a new joy in meeting, and a thousand little ways 
 to beguile the time happily, besides gazing in each other's eyes, 
 which, ever and anon, they did, till all things visible faded, and 
 melted, away, and they would tremble, and almost faint, with 
 too deep happiness, and when the sweet moon smiled tenderly, 
 and serenely over the dreaming earth, in the warm and beautiful 
 summer time, then, would Alfreyd steal from his home, and 
 crossing the river in the boat, hasten to the dwelling of Mary, 
 and in words, deep and earnest, would implore her to float on the 
 river's silvery bosom with him ; and a few faint refusals and 
 blushes \vere all prostrated before the kindness, which could 
 never deny a pleasure to any, much less to one, for whom her 
 gentle heart beat so strongly ; and then, as they glided calmly 
 and quietly over the bright waters, would be heard the rich voice 
 of Alfreyd, singing the following words : 
 
 Mary, the moon doth tint this stream, 
 
 With her own sweet, silver hue ; 
 Each glitt'ring star pour's forth its beam, 
 
 From the canopy of blue ; 
 The wind hath rocked the flowers, love, 
 
 To a sleep most light and free ; 
 Yet, I look not on their beauty, love, 
 
 I but gaze alone on thee, 
 
 Mary! 
 
 Mary, 'tis said that other lands, 
 
 Have sunnier streams than this ; 
 Which boasts bright gems, and golden sands, 
 
 And flowers too fair to kiss. 
 There is a charm, they fondly tell, 
 
 In every flower, and tree ; 
 Which in no other clime mav dwell ; 
 
 Ah ! they have no flower like thee, 
 
 Mary ! 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 
 
 " Thus happily glided by their hours ; but, alas ! its bright- 
 ness was doomed to change, the sunniest day is succeeded by a 
 clouded morrow ; and these two guileless creatures were fated 
 to endure the painful reverse of the happiness they were now 
 enjoying ; Mary's father had observed the attachment between 
 her and Alfreyd. with much pleasure; he had watched the 
 progress of the latter almost from infancy, and had never seen 
 any tendency to vice in his disposition, on the contrary, he had 
 ever found him gentle, kind, and possessing a nice sense of 
 honour, which Friedel had inculcated, and had discovered no 
 necessity to enforce his precepts; Alfreyd, in all his acts, ever 
 developing an extreme fineness of feeling. Thus Asphodel 
 knowing Friedel's story, and his intention of providing well for 
 Alfreyd, conceived that his daughter in marrying Alfreyd, would 
 unite herself to one every way worthy of her, and who would 
 protect her when he had sunk into the grave ; he, therefore, 
 promoted their affection, and looked forward, with a pleasurable 
 anticipation, for the day which should unite them ; but all hopes 
 and wishes are vain, and our best intentions are unhinged, and 
 frustrated by the most unlooked for occurrences. 
 
 " It was the custom of Mary, three times in each week, to 
 visit Puttelei, for the purpose of procuring for the house every 
 thing necessary in the domestic way, Alfreyd usually attended 
 her ; but on the evening we refer to, she was alone ; she was 
 skipping along joyous and lightly, anticipating Alfreyd to pop 
 from behind each tree she passed, when she overtook two men, 
 who, by their garb, appeared to hold some rank in society ; she 
 turned her head to see that Alfreyd was really not one of these 
 persons, and an exclamation of surprise, but more of admiration, 
 burst from the stranger's lips. 
 
 " < By our lady/ cried one, ' that is the fairest damsel my 
 eyes ever looked on ; a gem almost too bright for a monarch's 
 crown/ 
 
 " ' Aye/ returned his companion, scornfully ; ' a diamond 
 truly, but one in the rough, a rustic damsel, whom a well filled 
 purse, would make as kind as she is pretty/ 
 
 " ' Bah !' returned the first speaker, ' do not measure the 
 virtue of our village maids by the purity of your German fail- 
 ones : believe me, the sun, which ripens your vines, and warms 
 your women into such kindness, is not so potent here ; our 
 women trust more to their eyes and hearts, than to the influence 
 of his solar majesty, but by the mass, I'll have some words 
 with yonder beauty, spite of who shall say me nay / and he 
 quickened his speed, shouting at the same time i Ho, damsel 
 Ho, pretty one so ho Ho !' 
 
 " His companion looked with more interest than he cared to 
 own, upon the beauty of Mary, and he therefore kept pace with 
 his friend, determining to have some share in the conversation ; 
 but Mary who had been taught to shun all such strangers as 
 
230 THK PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 these when alone in her journies to market; on finding- the stran- 
 gers rapidly approaching- her, and calling- her, felt terrified, and 
 harried forward as fast as she was able, until a turning- in the 
 road hid them from her view; the pathway leading- to the ferry 
 was encircled by trees, almost forming- a wood ; and she seized 
 the opportunity, darted swiftly among- the trees, and by a route, 
 known only to herself, and Alfreyd, gained the ferry ; the stran- 
 gers on losing sight of her as she turned the road, redoubled 
 their speed, and quickly gained the spot where she had disap- 
 peared; but found no trace of her ; they however still kept 
 along the pathway, which was winding and intricate, and ulti- 
 mately they reached the banks of the river without meeting 
 with her ; the first stranger looked along the banks of the river, 
 and searched round the trees which bordered it, in vain ; the 
 lady was not to be met with, while the German, casting his 
 eyes on the river, perceived her in a boat with a youth, nearly 
 on the opposite side ; noting the house which stood on the bank, 
 he concluded instantly that she dwelt there ; and he resolved 
 to pay a visit, to confirm his conjectures ; he turned to his com- 
 panion and said, "Your fair country-woman has outwitted us, 
 we shall not discover her now, so it's useless to waste time 
 here, let us begone. 
 
 "< By my mother's kindness; and that's a good oath,' returned 
 h,s friend, ' I would give the best purse-full of golden marks 
 in Christendom to have a loving* glance from those exquisite 
 eyes,' and he sighed and gazed, in vacancy, most pathetically. 
 
 "<Ha! ha! ha!' laughed the German, 'your rank, fair sir, 
 without your purse, will buy you scores of most loving glances 
 from fairer eyes, and richer dames than the damsel we have 
 lost/ 
 
 " ' Bah !' returned the stranger, and quitted the spot, followed 
 by the German. 
 
 " Some few days elapsed, when Mary, on a most beautiful 
 evening, quitted her home to meet her lover ; it was in May, 
 nearly the end of the month, when the air was scented by the 
 hawthorn and wild flowers, which grew in profusion, and decked 
 and spangled the ground with their wondrous beauty ; and the 
 birds whistled as they flew from branch to branch of the trees, 
 with which, at that period, the banks of the thames were clus- 
 tered with ; every thing teemed with a glory-surpassing descrip- 
 tion ; Mary felt her heart light and happy as she gathered some 
 wild flowers the rarest and most delicate she could cull to form 
 a nosegay for him, who to her, was the one world the all the 
 everything ; and her cheek glowed as she thought of the deep look 
 of joy, his sparkling* eyes would beam upon her when she 
 presented him with her little gift; and foolish as it may seem to 
 those who cannot understand, and therefore cannot appreciate the 
 feeling ; she trembled, and panted, and sat herself down amid 
 the sweet flowers to tranquillize her beating heart: she placed 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 231 
 
 her hat beside her, and leaning- her head against the tree she 
 was sitting* under, closed her eyes to gaze upon beautiful ideali- 
 ties ; a footstep near her made her unclose her eyes, and she 
 almost shrieked as she saw the dark eye of one of the strangers, 
 the German who had followed her few days since; she sprung" 
 from her seat, and would have fled, but the German caught her in 
 his arms, and held her forcibly. 
 
 " ' Nay/ he exclaimed, * whither so swiftly fairest, I will not 
 harm thee by Heaven, I love beauty far too well to breath a 
 sting- upon it, nay, tremble not so violently, foolish one, 1 cannot 
 harm thee.' 
 
 " ' Unhand me, 1 entreat you/ cried Mary, ' I know you not 
 suffer me to depart, I implore you/ and she strug-g-led to free 
 herself from his arms. 
 
 " ' Not so easily, my gentle one/ returned the German, ' pro- 
 mise to meet me again, and thou shalt depart ; swear to me that 
 thou wilt. Fll seal the pledge on thy vermeil lips/ He 
 attempted to kiss her : she uttered a most piercing shriek ; and 
 some branches were torn aside, and Alfreyd rushed to the spot, 
 he sprung upon the German, and Mary, uttering a cry of joy, 
 threw herself into his arms, while the German, enraged at 
 being thus thwarted, drew his dag-ger, and was about to plunge 
 it into the breast of Alfreyd, when the voice of Friedel, who 
 had witnessed the whole affray, cried fiercely ; 'hold!' at the 
 sound, the German turned his head like lightning, and in an in- 
 stant, uttering a bitter cry of recognition, darted from the spot : 
 while Friedel gave a faint cry, and _stagg*e ring back a few paces, 
 fell senseless to the ground. 
 
 " Alfreyd and Mary flew to his assistance, and in a few min- 
 utes he recovered, and cast his eyes wildly round, as if in horrid 
 anticipation of meeting some blighting thing, but seeing nothing, 
 he became more composed, and observing the questioning look 
 of Alfreyd and Mary, he stayed them, and begged them to ask 
 nothing, think nothing, forget it all ; he motioned them to 
 leave him, they obeyed ; and when at some distance, they turned 
 and saw him on the spot with his arms folded and his eyes fixed 
 upon the ground. 
 
 "Friedel was aroused from his abstractions by Asphodel, who 
 evincing great agitation, questioned him earnestly.' Friedel/ 
 he cried, ' you have told me you discovered Alfreyd in a basket 
 floating up the river V 
 
 " ' Well/ uttered Friedel. 
 
 " f Was there any token any trinket, in the basket ?' asked 
 Asphodel. 
 
 " * Why, yes/ replied Friedel, * a bauble to encircle a lady's 
 arm, such as this I have ever worn it on my person, for it re- 
 sembled minutely one oh, God !' and a recollection, which 
 brought a pang' with it, seemed to convulse his frame. 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! that is the one, great heaven, I thank thee/ cried 
 
23'2 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 Asphodel, energetically; 'I may now atone for my crime! 
 Know, Friedel, that some twenty years since, I brought a German 
 and his lady from the Rhine to England ; on the passage some 
 trivial neglect incenced this German, and he struck me a vile 
 blow, I would have laid him dead on the instant at my feet, but 
 the thoughts of my sweet wife, who then waited my return, 
 flashed like lightning through my brain, and on the instant, I 
 determined to be revenged in a surer way, and one that would be 
 fraught with less danger to myself; his young and beautiful 
 wife had an infant 
 
 Friedel recoiled a few paces. 
 
 " l Nay, hear me to the end/ continued Asphodel ; 'this child, 
 I stole from its mother, while sleeping, and placing it in a basket, 
 made water tight, with the bracelet, also taken from its mother 
 that it might form a clue to the discovery of its family, if found, 
 which I firmly trusted it would be, though not by its parents, 1 
 committed it to the tide ; the mother, on missing her child, became 
 distracted ; all her servants, all the crew, and myself, were 
 interrogated with a closeness, which, had my revenge been less 
 powerful, or my actions less secret, must have discovered the 
 whole truth ; but judge of my feelings when I learned that the 
 lady, who was good and gentle, whom my heart smote me to 
 hurt in any way, had never smiled again that the loss of her 
 child, added to her husband's unkindness, had, in two short days, 
 killed her ; oh, how bitterly, dreadfully was she avenged ; on 
 my return to my home, I found my wife, whom I loved better 
 than all the world, my beautiful she she was dead ! from 
 that moment the world has been a blank a chaos, from which 
 nothing joyous, or more horrible can spring into being !' He 
 was silent, overpowered by his feelings, Friedel sympathized with 
 him, but the excitement this tale had produced, gave his 
 curiosity the spur, and induced him to break the silence. 
 
 " * Then Alfreyd/ he observed ; ' is the child you 
 
 " ' Yes, yes/ answered Asphodel, ' he is that same child, and 
 but now his father passed, in seeming excitement and 
 agitation/ 
 
 ' ' Oh, heavens/ burst forth and interrupted Friedel ; ' how 
 was he attired ? what his appearance ? answer quick/ 
 
 " Asphodel described him. 
 
 " ' Ha ! ha ! ha !' wildly laughed Friedel ; why this is well- 
 very well ; I have fostered the child of one false as water ; and 
 of my bitterest foe ! Oh, brave world, that makes the dog lick 
 the hand that strikes him/ 
 
 " ' What mean you V asked Asphodel, in astonishment. 
 
 "' That I never knew pain, but by name/ bitterly returned 
 Friedel; 'until that shameless, treacherous villain, Alfreyd's 
 father, forsooth ! blighted me beggared my hopes made me, 
 from one of God's happiest creatures, the thing I am ; but I am 
 revenged ! poor Aldine, thou mig'htest have shared a hap- 
 pier 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 233 
 
 A scream long", loud, and heart-rending-, so piercing, so wild, 
 that one's hair might have turned grey at the sound : burst upon 
 their ears, and sent their blood rushing back to their hearts. A 
 moment's pause, and it was repeated ; simultaneously they 
 rushed to the spot from whence the sound proceeded, and beheld 
 Mary struggling violently in the arms of the German, who was 
 exerting his whole strength to drag her from the place. The in- 
 stant they appeared Mary shrieked and burst from his arms. 
 * Oh, father! Friedel!' she franticly cried, 'they have mur- 
 dered him Alfreyd, look, see, help him, oh, Almighty God ! let 
 him not perish. Hear me, hear me/ Like lightning their eyes 
 followed the direction in which she pointed, and they saw two 
 men masked at no great distance from the shore, cast the body 
 of Alfreyd, covered with blood, into the river ; in an instant, 
 Friedel sprung upon the German. ' Bloody, remorseless tiger,' 
 -shouted he, ' thine hour is come : see, 'tis I, thy foster brother, 
 slays thee ; this, this, for thy goodness ;' and he plunged a dag- 
 ger, up to its hilt, in the bosom of the German ; who struggled 
 fiercely with him, and who, upon receiving the steel in his heart, 
 uttered a deep groan, and fell upon the ground ; while Friedel 
 still kept firmly hold of his throat. ' See, see,' he shouted, 
 4 how sure is retribution ; thou, whose life has been one long 
 career of villainy ; thou, who hast destroyed my peace ; broken 
 thy wife's heart; and murdered aye, foully, cruelly murdered 
 thine own child !' The German started fearfully, and convul- 
 sively, as Friedel thundered the last sentence in his ear ; and 
 with one strong effort, he disengaged his throat from Friedel's 
 grasp, and feebly uttered, ' Nay, loose thine hold ; a few minutes 
 and I shall be dust ; but say that, was not my son ; I came but 
 for the maiden, he would thwart me, cross me oh, hell, this 
 pang, it is not my son ! I have no son he died years tince. 
 Ha ! 'tis false,' he screamed, ' a vaunt see, there he beckons I 
 I curse ' the blood gurgled in his throat ; his eyes roll- 
 ed horribly ; then became fixed, and he fell back dead ! 
 
 " Friedel gazed upon him long and silently : he then exclaim- 
 ed ( All is over, my misery has found its end ; fate has done its 
 worst ;' he turned to Asphodel, who sat with his face buried in 
 his hands, in a state of deathlike stupor ; while at his feet lay 
 Mary insensible ; he lifted her head from the ground, parted her 
 fair hair, and looked sorrowfully on her face ; ' Poor frail 
 flower,' he said, 4 what hast thou done, that thy young heart 
 should be crushed by this load of agony: 1 had hoped that thou 
 and, and what, tears ! I have not wept for long, long years, 
 'tis fit I should weep ; and now they are gone again, and my 
 eyes are dry as fire ; oh, how cold how dreary joyless, will 
 this world be to thee ; Mary, thou, who wert all trembling 
 gentleness ; who hast ever had all the brightness summer of 
 life glowing round thee ; shall suffer now its most terrible re- 
 verse ; it will destroy thee thou must perish, the sweet, slight 
 
 2 J 
 
234 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 flower, the sun smiled upon, the dew watered; and the faint 
 wind kissed ; that dwelt in a world of light, when the fierce 
 storm has smote the earth, it has broken, destroyed, swept it 
 from home, and it perishes ; canst thou survive this storm ? 
 No ! thou must die, this completes my sum of misery. Farewell, 
 hapless maiden, I may never more behold thee ; I did not dream 
 we should sever thus ; thou hast twined round my heart with 
 him, like the young, green ivy round the withered oak ; thou, 
 
 and he, the only things that ever loved me to but it must 
 
 be so, I stand alone, a withered, and a withering thing ; blighted, 
 and where I come, blighting ; why did not this sear my brain 
 ere now ? Ha ! ha ! ha !' there was an icy hollowness of tone 
 in his laugh, that was horrible ; he bounded from the ground on 
 which he was kneeling ; and letting Mary fall heavily, rushed 
 from the spot, never to be seen, or heard of more. 
 
 "Mary was restored to life; but not to her senses, her mind was 
 quite gone; she would wander for hours, days, through the woods 
 and fields in search of Alfreyd : and would enter the boat, and 
 trust herself on the river, in vain search of him ; while she sang 
 the song she loved to hear him sing, in so low a voice, a tone so 
 full of woe, of utter anguish, that the tears would force their 
 way into the eyes of stern men, when the sound fell on their 
 hearts ; a few months passed away, and one evening, she was 
 seen on the river in the boat, and her song was heard, but the 
 boat was discovered, next morning, some distance up the river, 
 empty she was drowned ! 
 
 " When the painful news reached her father, he pressed his 
 hands to his brain, and staggered to a chair, in which he fell 
 stone dead ! his heart had broken. 
 
 " Their fate had caused much sorrow to those who lived near 
 them, and known and loved them, and many were the tears, 
 which were shed for Mary, who, it was said, was to be seen in 
 the calm arid clear moonlight, floating in a fairy boat, and heard 
 to sing, in a plaintive voice, the melody which sounded sweet, 
 and yet sorrowful, as it was wafted o'er the water, and many a 
 peasant has crossed himself, and offered up a prayer, as. in passing 
 the river's edge, he has heard the gentle tones of the ' WHITE 
 LADY OF KEW." 
 
 Sprightly was silent, and the party, therefore, supposed the 
 story had concluded ; at least, Buoyant said as much; the story 
 teller received thanks of those who were not asleep. 
 
 They now reached Blackfriars Bridge, and the gentlemen, 
 nearly all of whom were asleep, were roused up, the whole of the 
 party then landed, shook hands, parted, and in an hour or so, were 
 locked in the arms of Morpheus, being well contented, taking all 
 things into consideration, with their excursion a la PIC-NIC ! 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 235 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 MAKEMONEY'S invitation to Charles Turf, Esq., to dine with 
 him in London accepted by the latter. Continuation of 
 the interesting adventures of the Match-girl; strange, 
 but true. Love letters ; or, rather bargains of a Smithfield 
 character Vice reduced to a trade, and beauty a market- 
 able commodity ; but face painting not amongst the faults 
 of the Match-girl. The dangers of fascination FLOU- 
 RISH'S opinion and dislike of very beautiful women some 
 truth connected with his remarks. A female without a 
 heart yet not devoid of susceptibility a touch of the 
 pathetic the afflicted father, fond mother, and inconsi- 
 siderate son grey hairs still respected. Greatness of 
 the Match-girl! Introduction of young RENTROLL, a 
 country gentleman a neck-or-nothing sort of personage 
 all to-day, and let to-morrow provide for itself. A mas- 
 querade visit ; or, how to pay off old debts. Dangerous 
 to be safe. Prowess of the Match-girl the sprig of qua- 
 lity reduced beneath the rank of a commoner revenge 
 sweet. No security in disguise, or, I am not what I seem 
 to be ? The bailiff's in the dark a scene in a lock-up house 
 the amorous man-woman One might be hanged as well 
 for a sheep as a lamb. HOLDFAST in error astonished 
 the secret unravelled therefore, " go it," and finish the 
 spree ; it will amount to the same thing one hundred years 
 hence ; but " all's well that ends well." 
 
 " THE ghost story, or rather, the ' White Lady of Kew/ " observed 
 Makemoney, "I am ready to admit is, of a very interesting- 
 nature ; hut yet, I should like to hear another chapter respecting* 
 the match-girl there is so much life attached to all her 
 movements/' 
 
 " I am equally anxious to hear it," replied Sprightly, " and if 
 you send an invitation to Charles Turf, Esq., to dine with you, 
 the affair is accomplished at once ; nay, more, we shall have him 
 all to ourselves, and under your own roof. Besides, we are in- 
 debted to him for his hospitality in more than one or two 
 instances." 
 
 " Say no more, my dear nephew" answered Makemoney, " I 
 regret it has never occurred to us before ; but better late than 
 never ; I will send to Turf without delay, as my messenger shall 
 not return from him without an answer." 
 
 " 1 second the proposition," urged Flourish, " time flies in the 
 
23f> THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 company of Charles Turf his method of relating- anecdotes is 
 the most delightful I ever heard." 
 
 Charles Turf immediately acquiesced with the request of 
 Makemoney, and a more splendid dinner could not have been 
 provided for any gentleman. Makemoney, respecting" his din- 
 ners, was one of the most liberal creatures alive. The cloth 
 being removed the wine going round briskly, and the Pilgrims 
 in high spirits, /Flourish addressed Turf, "My dear sir, my 
 friend Makemoney has been talking about scarcely anything 
 else, since he heard you relate the singular adventures of the 
 match-girl ; therefore, if it is quite convenient to you to proceed 
 with another chapter of her memoirs I am sure delight will be 
 the result, and no one will feel it more than your humble 
 servant. I am sure you will not hesitate." 
 
 " I have not the slightest objection," replied Turf; " but I wish 
 to premise, that in order to prevent any idea arising in your 
 minds, of exaggeration on my part, I will deliver nothing else 
 but ' a round, unvarnished tale', respecting the beautiful, but de- 
 praved Charlotte Partridge. Yet I have to regret, that her 
 adventures are not in better hands ; for, according to the biogra- 
 phers of the late Dr. Johnson, he was extremely fond of taking 
 women of the town to taverns, (in company with his friend 
 Savage, the poet), whom he casually met with in his nightly 
 strolls, and listen to their histories with great patience and inte- 
 rest ! but the ' Colussus of Literature', when he moved in better 
 society, or rather company of a more moral description, be- 
 came proverbial for his gravity and good conduct, and related 
 nothing else but propriety at the ' table of the Thrales,' burying 
 his former midnight sprees in oblivion; or else, the world, 
 might have been benefitted by some penetrating sketches 
 of female frailty their origin and cause tending, as awful 
 lessons towards the improvement of mankind in general. 
 
 " The se^-importarice which Charlotte possessed, astonished 
 me/' said Turf; " and it was quite ludicrous to witness some of 
 the highest born men in the kingdom and some of the proudest 
 also, who valued themselves on their rank and station in society, 
 succumb to her sneers and ridicule, when she reproved them for 
 addressing her in a way that she did not approve of. She had no 
 individual respect for persons ;* and maintained her ground with 
 
 * A celebrated French Duke, distinguished for his gallantries in all the coun- 
 tries he visited before the revolution in France, and quite promiscuous in his 
 amours ; also immensely rich, but in meanness, equal to the veriest miser ; and 
 sooner than open his purse strings, he would shuffle off without paying, if he 
 found a convenient opportunity. During his first visit to the house of a well 
 known courtezan in Italy, he wished to quit her establishment without complying 
 with the usual terms, and when pressed closely on the subject, he attempted to 
 get off by boasting of his rank in life. " I am " said he, " the Duke of * * * *" 
 "Very likely you are such a person," answered the courtezan, "I shall notdis- 
 jnite it; but under the circumstances you entered my house, it is immaterial to 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. '237 
 
 the most consummate assurance I ever beheld : presuming 1 , I ap- 
 prehend, upon her great personal beauty." 
 
 " It has often occurred to me, though 1 do not mean to boast 
 of much experience," said Flourish, "that beautiful women are 
 so much in love with themselves, that they have scarcely any 
 left nay, none at all for any other persons. I dislike your very 
 beautiful women flattery being- so much their idol, that they 
 positively doat, and live upon it, and are selfish to the extent of 
 the phrase; but when calculation, gain, and coldness are annexed 
 to it, and the face and form are reduced to a sort of merchandize, 
 and the best bidder can purchase it. Such a female must be de- 
 void of a heart, and can only be denominated, the mere outline 
 of a woman. But these are the sort of women who generally 
 have it all their own way can threaten and command delude 
 ensnare and ruin men with the most perfect finesse and 
 indifference therefore, my dear Makemoney, old as you are, I 
 speak it without offence, and you, Sprightly, invulnerable as you 
 boast to be, have a care of all match-girls, say I, ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 
 Beauty is a witch ; 
 Against whose claims, faith melteth into blood. 
 
 " I have" said Turf, " some curious copies of letters which 
 were addressed to the match-girl, and will serve to show the 
 bartered feelings of some men, respecting women of a peculiar 
 class in society, which I will read to you : 
 
 My dear girl, 
 
 Your lovely figure, fine form, and admirable beauty of person, 
 in short, the taut ensemble delights me ; but I hate writing talking, or making 
 what is called, love. Therefore, if you choose to jump into a carriage, without 
 hesitation ; enjoy a capital house, furnished fit for a princess, without any trou- 
 ole ; a carriage that will make all the women in the Metropolis sigh to have its 
 paralleland a purse well filled, at your command, only say, Yes\ and the bargain 
 is concluded. I would not write so much to an Empress. Now or never ? 
 
 From your admirer, 
 
 To Miss Partridge. ******* 
 
 To which epistle, she wrote the following answer to the no- 
 ble Lord , a person whom she detested. 
 
 My Lord ! 
 
 What a mistake I have made, a most egregious blunder ? In 
 my eyes, the term of beast would be far more appropriate. I am not to be bought 
 and sold in a land of liberty ; I am no slave. More words are unnecessary, except 
 to state that I despise your ugly person and your gold, (although I am fond, 
 very fond of the glittering ore) has not the weight of a single feather with 
 
 CHARLOTTE PARTRIDGE. 
 
 me whether it is the Duke or his coachman, my demand must be discharged. 
 However, I will just give your Grace a gentle hint upon the subject, and then you 
 will decide as you think proper." She immediately rang a bell, when three or 
 four bravoes appeared, with stilettoes in their hands, with countenances of the 
 most murderous aspect. " Yes," replied the Duke, " I am perfectly convinced 
 you are now in the right, my good lady ;" instantly paid the charge, and felt glad 
 to depart in a whole skin. 
 
238 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 P.S. If you send any more messengers to annoy me with your proposals, they 
 shall be horse-whipped ; and if you dare, in person, to approach me, beware of 
 the consequences, for I have a rod in pickle, even for a Lord. So let this hint 
 suffice beast ! 
 
 The following- letter is from an old general, who was terribly 
 smitten with the match-girl : 
 
 ' My dear girl, 
 
 I am an old soldier, and to command has been hitherto 
 
 my forte, however in this instance, I leave the command in your hands. But fighting 
 has been my trade, instead of making love. Therefore, anything like fine words, 
 or complimentary phrases, you must not expect from me. The FORTRESS, I am 
 quite aware, is of the most magnificent description ; but a long siege will not do 
 offer liberal terms of capitulation surrender without delay and you shall have 
 no occasion to find fault with your admirer, 
 
 To Miss Partridge GENERAL -" 
 
 To which, the match-girl sent the following 1 laconic reply ; 
 " My worthy and respected old general, 
 
 I honour your laurels, and I love 
 
 the brave, but this time, victory is out of the question ; therefore, my answer in 
 the military phrase is to the right about ; quick ; march : 
 
 From your humble servant, 
 General . - CHARLOTTE PARTRIDGE. 
 
 "I rather think, Charles Turf/' said Makemoriey "that you 
 must have been a great favourite with Miss Partridge ; for you 
 appear to be acquainted with all her secrets in life: ha ! ha! ha!" 
 
 " Nothing- more than a friend, I assure you," replied Turf; " I 
 am in her confidence it is true, owing to a circumstance which 
 occurred in the early part of her career, I was her adviser upon 
 that occasion ; and she has never forgotten it and owing- to 
 that kindness, as she termed it, she has been very communi- 
 cative to me ever since. 
 
 " Quite platonic!" urged Flourish, with a smile/' and you, 
 Mr. Turf, of all other men, know the extent and meaning- of the 
 \vo*d, friend, with a lady of her description. 
 
 " I will take the word of Mr. Turf, that it was truly pla- 
 tonic" said Sprig-htly, " and were it otherwise kiss and tell of 
 it, would never suit his book of life ; gallantry forbids it. But 
 he has previously told you, that he would * nothing extenuate/ 
 and I return him my thanks for the simple, straight-forward 
 manner in which he has related the adventures of the match-girl, 
 without identifying himself at all with them, the great fault of 
 too many story-tellers but I hope he will now proceed without 
 any interruption. 
 
 " Charlotte was quite the rage with those sort of men who are 
 continually on the look out for a new face in the public walks 
 of the Metropolis ; in consequence of her character having run 
 before her that she was a Gay woman. Persons who prefer the 
 company and conversation of such females, to the retired and 
 modest community ; yet nevertheless it might be difficult to class 
 them under the head of admirers lovers keepers or gallants ; 
 true, perhaps, that one or two of them felt something like love 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 239 
 
 for the ci-devant match-girl ; others inclined to purchase her 
 favours yet most of them ready to deceive and outwit this 
 splendid piece of frailty !" 
 
 " But never was the adage more the fact, in this case, ' that 
 which went in at one ear, went out at the other,' she laughed in 
 her sleeve at all of them ; although she listened to the tales of 
 every one of the gallants, with the utmost politeness, yet artful 
 complacency ; and, however, strange but true, Charlotte might 
 be deemed a chaste woman, as to her feelings the mere statue 
 of a female the exterior and fine form of a woman, that 
 could not be excelled. But for warmth of disposition, or a 
 soul inclined to love, were entirely out of the question. Char- 
 lotte had not the slightest touch of it in her composition. She 
 could listen, listen, and listen again, to the most animated decla- 
 ration of attachment made to her by her admirers, with as much 
 indifference as a bill of the play ottered to her for purchase. It 
 was this sort of coldness of character that enabled the match girl 
 to triumph over all her suitors. Her secret, an invaluable secret 
 to a woman of this description, she kept inviolably to herself: 
 this was the great danger to men who were fond of her company 
 they could not pluck out her mystery! 
 
 " Charlotte was all affability and condescension, she never 
 refused a present, great or small, offered for her acceptance and 
 became quite an adept in pointing out in any of her visits to dif- 
 ferent jewellers , or other shops, where expensive articles of 
 curiosity were to be met with, which exactly suited her taste 
 and fancy, in so strong a manner to those gentlemen who were 
 with her at the time, that her hints could not be mistaken. 
 From this insinuating mode of conduct, her house was filled 
 with some of the richest rarities in London. Her magnificent 
 collection of shawls might have extorted a sigh from the heart 
 of a Duchess she had also a happy knack of pointing out to 
 any new visitor, to render the gift more important, that the 
 
 Duke of presented her with that inimitable vase ; my 
 
 Lord furnished me also with those elegant mirrors in the 
 
 apartments, not to be excelled ; and Sir Henry one of the 
 
 most wealthy and ancient baronets on the list of men of rank, 
 had been kind enough to send her those elegant chairs and sofas, 
 not to be equalled in the great Metropolis ; but that delightful 
 creature her most particular friend, Peregrine Crayon, Esq. 
 had made her a present of a whole-length likeness of herself, 
 said, at the least, to be worth 500, but she had refused 1000 
 for it, and will not sell it for any sum ! 
 
 Her library, she urged with a smile on her beautiful face, 
 she was well aware could not compete with the British Museum; 
 but nevertheless, it had been collected for her by nothing else 
 but scholars ; and the bindings of all her books were of the 
 most costly description. Her display of annuals, keepsakes, 
 forget-me-not's were splendid in the extreme: she also took 
 
240 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 pride to herself that she had not the work of any author which 
 had been tinctured in the slightest manner with any passag-es 
 offensive to decency or morality in her book-case. 
 
 "'I am not a prude neither/ said Charlotte, with a face as 
 immoveable as clay, one day in conversation with a very rig-id 
 out-of-door man, a director of one of the societies for sanctity 
 and reformation, who visited the match-girl privately ; ' but I 
 have always been most anxious to obtain a character for acting 
 correctly in most points of view, knowing- as I do, that the 
 world is very censorius ; therefore, it is hig-hly necessary that 
 an unprotected female like myself, should be armed at all points ; 
 and then you may bid defiance to newspaper writers, tatlers, 
 and all the gossipers in the kingdom. True, people may be 
 suspected ; females calumniated ; but when facts are wanting-, and 
 where evidence cannot be broug-ht into court, then safety is 
 the result.' 
 
 " Charlotte had at one period of her career, a distinguished 
 literary man in her train, fond of her to excess, and who had 
 taken great pains to improve her mind, and also instruct her in 
 the ways of the world. When taxed with visiting- such a fe- 
 male of this description, he exclaimed with the utmost indiffer- 
 ence, ' O yes! I do know Charlotte Partridg-e, and my visits, 
 are merely to become acquainted with character : writers should 
 view every thing- in life, either g-ood or bad, otherwise it would 
 be totally impossible for them to communicate to the public, the 
 dang-erous persons they are likely to meet with in society, under 
 the g-arb of propriety/ " Therefore, excuses must be made for 
 being- seen in improper company/ observed Turf, " and accord- 
 ing- to the old proverb, ' any excuse is better than none.' 
 
 " I have often, and often gazed upon her face, with more hant 
 ordinary delight, beautiful it is in a most eminent degree. NA- 
 TURE has been liberal, more than liberal to Charlotte, in this 
 respect, and the sensitive STERNE, who speaks of the monk's 
 head and face that crossed his path, observing, that no one could 
 have passed it without reverence, nay, almost worshipped it ! and 
 although yet the/ace of the once poor dirty, distressed match-girl 
 might have excited a different feeling towards it, yet it was so 
 truly attractive, that it brought those persons to a complete 
 stand-still the first time they beheld her countenance. They 
 looked again stopped another glance walked on a few 
 steps another peep loitered turned round again, and again 
 lingering look after lingering look and could scarcely take 
 leave of it, in the shape of a FAREWELL ! Such were the sensa- 
 tions felt by those persons who encountered the face of Char- 
 lotte Partridge. 
 
 " But LAVATER, with all the knowledge that he possessed of 
 the countenances of mankind, would have been puzzled to have 
 pronounced a decisive opinion on her face ; and Drs. Gall and 
 Spurzheim equally at a loss to have described it accurately, as 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 241 
 
 to the indication of her mind. In fact, OTWAY might have bet- 
 ter supplied the text. 
 
 Who was it occasioned a ten years siege ? 
 Woman I curst deceitful ! damnable woman. 
 
 " Yet it is only common justice to her character to assert, that I 
 have often heard Charlotte complain of her heart, or rather to 
 observe, that she had none, I am affected to tears/ said she, 
 ' at a tragedy ; a tale of deep distress moved me more than I can 
 express ; and I cannot challenge myself with a want of feel- 
 ing towards mankind/ 
 
 " ' I laugh heartily at a farce, enjoy a pantomime fond of a 
 bit of fun, and I am attached, that is to say, friendly attached 
 to several persons of my acquaintances ; and, perhaps, not a bad 
 friend, where the necessity of the case requires it ; but I have 
 no heart for LOVE. I do not know what it means. Surely that 
 is not the fault of my mind ; and it must be a defect in the ana- 
 tomy of my composition. Therefore, I am aware of the charac- 
 ter I bear amongst men of the world ; and which will account, 
 in a great measure, for the various changes I have made in my 
 life, and the singular connections I have hastily formed, and as 
 hastily dissolved. However singular it may appear, I admit I 
 have my likes and dislikes ; but to speak honestly, I never was 
 in LOVE in the whole course of my career ; in consequence of 
 which, I have not acted foolishly, neither have I suffered vain 
 men to play tricks with me, or display tyranny in any shape, 
 which, what are called fond women are too often exposed to in 
 life ; nay, more, I do not think that any individuals, gifted as 
 they might be with the animating, exciting oratory of a Demos- 
 thenes ; or, the powerful persuasive eloquence of a Cicero 
 could have moved me, hitherto to have felt the force of love. 
 Yet I am quite satisfied, from what I have seen of its terrible 
 effects upon the minds of some persons, ultimately producing 
 beggary and ruin. Therefore, I have steeled myself against it ; 
 and you, Charles Turf, have had my secret, which, to no other 
 person did I ever impart it. 
 
 Women you know but seldom fail 
 
 To make the stoutest men turn tail ; 
 
 And bravely scorn to turn their backs 
 
 Upon the desperatest attacks. 
 
 According to a celebrated French Author, La Bruyere, who 
 gives it as his opinion, ' that man is more faithful to the secrets 
 of others than to his own ; whereas woman on the contrary, 
 is more faithful to her own, than those of others.* 
 
 " For singularity of conduct, I never knew any female half- 
 like Charlotte Partridge, in my knowledge of society ; she is 
 particularly fond of out-door company sometimes proud to the 
 echo at others, she will unbend and mix with any sort, almost 
 the refuse of mankind ; but nevertheless, she will not let any 
 persons behave rude, or take liberties with her, without resent- 
 
 2K 
 
242 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES. 
 
 ing" it in a manner that they do not expect, and which ensures 
 afterwards respect and attention. Charlotte frequently goes out 
 without a companion, but never without a servant either male 
 or female, who have their cue to keep their distance, but to be 
 within call, when he, or she, may be wanted to attend her home. 
 And this accounts for meeting" with her at races and fairs by 
 herself; besides, it answers her purpose when she is without 
 a protector ! Charlotte considers herself quite at liberty to 
 enter into conversation with any stranger who presents himself 
 to her notice ; by so doing-, she gives any person an opportunity 
 of becoming 1 acquainted with her without an introduction. She 
 also dismisses them without the least ceremony, if they are not 
 calculated to answer her purpose. 
 
 " Charlotte has, in several instances, adopted the language of 
 Richard to his Queen, when she has got tired of her keepers, or 
 when their funds were not able to support her high style of living-, 
 without any feeling- or delicacy by telling- them that they had 
 ' out-lived her liking 1 / and she should quit their company for 
 ever ! The high tone she assumed, upon all occasions, withpre- , 
 suming-, fashionable, young- rakes nay, she set rank at defiance; 
 never failed to awe them with her superiority and independence 
 of feeling, and it also had the desired effect of binding them 
 faster in her charms : and singular as it may appear, it is never- 
 theless true, that a number of men admired her more strongly 
 for this sort of pride which she possessed, by keeping inferior 
 men, at all events, at a respectful distance ; and if she had not 
 have been a woman of lax morals, her conduct, in many instances, 
 might have proved a model, and worthy of imitation. 
 
 " The match-girl would often insist upon it that her peculiar 
 conduct rested entirely upon herself she had no father living 
 to reproach her no mother to cry over her errors no brothers 
 to threaten and abuse .her for her behaviour no sisters to shun 
 her as a loose woman and an improper character and no 
 acquaintance, who could, or dare to take the liberty with her to 
 call her to account for the mode of life she had adopted ! There- 
 fore, I have chalked out a line for myself I mean to play my 
 cards well, and turn up trumps as often as I can, until I ultimate- 
 ly win the game. I love money, and I am also ambitious to 
 rise in the world, which is to be achieved by perseverance of 
 mind and coolness of disposition, and I feel assured that I pos- 
 sess them in no common degree. I do not care who knows it, 
 I love money, vastly to me, it possesses every charm nay, I 
 W 7 orship it. Does it not produce comforts, pleasures, aye, and 
 happiness too : there are some few persons who may dispute the 
 assertion, but I am not of that class of beings, therefore, 1 cherish 
 to the echo that applauds again ' a fat sorrow, is better than 
 a lean one !' 
 
 " To become a rich woman is my determined resolution, and 
 I will never lose sight of any opportunity that can further my 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 243 
 
 views to fill my coffers, and elevate my situation in society. 
 And when I shew the quantity of gold I possess in the bank 
 when I display my massive service of plate sport a splendid 
 equipage open my house, next to a palace, (by comparison), for 
 the reception of company, I shall not want for visitors, and the 
 question asked will not be ' How did she get it V And if my 
 riches do no absolutely wash out what is termed the blot* at- 
 
 * It has been argued that there are as many sorts of feelings in the breasts of 
 different men and women, as variety in fashions ; and it is likewise totally im- 
 possible to describe them with any thing like accuracy on the subject. The 
 inimitable POPE, has told us, ' that the proper study of mankind is man :' and 
 that woman is a riddle altogether , who 
 
 Shines in exposing knaves, and painting fools, 
 Yet is what e'er she hates and ridicules ! 
 
 But of all the studies which may cross the path of the student, none are half 
 so difficult as the study of human nature. Therefore, what might be considered a 
 blot in the character of some conscientious females, by many others might be 
 looked upon as a mere speck ; nay, almost spot-less ! a matter of course, a rou- 
 tine sort of feature, an every day occurrence, according to the old and dangerous 
 axiom to ' Get money honestly if you can. But get money!' "That is my 
 creed," said Charlotte, " a fig for your recording angels, who might be dis- 
 disposed to drop a tear and blot out my errors for ever ! I value them not ! I 
 pay no court to them !" The horrors likewise displayed by Lady Macbeth made 
 no impression upon her feelings---' Out damned spot !' as to reformation in her 
 character. Her ideas were more in unison with Richard on the subject of a great 
 name' They cannot say I was fool as well as rogue !' It is thus, that so many 
 vicious characters lay the nattering unction to their souls in London ; who, if 
 they cannot live by honest means, prefer an infamous notoriety. 
 
 It is urged-' That train up a child in the way it should go ; and when it is 
 old, it will not depart therefrom !' Here the above excellent considered precept, 
 in the present instance, improperly applied ; may lead to the most ruinous conse- 
 quences in life, by instilling an avaricious feeling. The match-girl, it should 
 seem, never forgot, but cherished the bad advice of Mrs. Feelnot, to view man- 
 kind only upon a decided interest' to make money by them!' This principle 
 had been so strongly engrafted upon her mind, that all the sermons ever preach- 
 ed, advice given to her, remonstrances made on the subject, could not remove, or 
 overturn it a jot with Charlotte Partridge. The value of chastity was set at nought, 
 a good name not of the slightest consequence, in comparison, that property must 
 and would command respect. 
 
 True, she might have felt some annoyance that there was a bar to her intro- 
 duction to some parts of society, who valued themselves on those delightful prin- 
 ciples which do so much honour to the head and heart, that consoles virtue under 
 all its difficulties and temptations, with conscious rectitude and unbroken feelings, 
 though poor but honest, in spite of the rebuffs of the busy world. But the match- 
 girl's mind was composed of different materials ; and Cocker was not more cold, 
 or calculating upon all subjects, whenever her interest was concerned, than Char- 
 lotte Partridge. She could smother her feeling, with as much ease as a banker's 
 clerk puts his bill book into his side-pocket. 
 
 Therefore, in describing some characters, their manners, and conduct, are so 
 widely different from the general routine of society, that the writer runs the great 
 danger of being challenged with exaggeration in his portraits of human nature, 
 and colouring them too highly, when his descriptions can be vouched for as the 
 plain and simple truth. The learned, and correctly considered Dr. Johnson, had 
 quite forgotten that he had eaten his dinner once, thrashed his servant for re- 
 minding him of the circumstance, and was only induced to pardon the man on 
 being shown the plates and dishes which he had removed from his table, occa- 
 sioned by the mania of study, to a corner of the apartment. 
 
'244 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 tached to my origin in life, they will nearly obliterate the re- 
 membrance of it with the stupid, ignorant world for after all, 
 what is called ' the world/ are led away and imposed upon by 
 shew, and I cannot quote any better authority than Shaks- 
 peare : 
 
 * The world is still deceived by ornament !' 
 
 " One of the crowned heads of Russia, I have read, was only 
 a trooper's daughter : but I need not quote history, nor go out of 
 my own country to shew wha*t wonders a pretty face can effect, 
 and what elevation it may lead to, names can be mentioned if 
 necessary that a kitchen-maid became the mistress of a prime 
 minister and a duke into the bargain, the reversion of her charms 
 also claimed the attention of two others, and with one she made 
 the grand tour of Europe, and afterwards, became one of the 
 peerage, as the Countess of - 
 
 " Yet with all these freezing, icy notions of . money, 1 must 
 mention one instance of her generosity, feeling, or good con- 
 duct ! Call it what you please, but you may rely upon the 
 fact: 
 
 " A fine young man all impetuosity and passion, and 
 thoughtless beyond description, an only son of rather aged 
 parents, who had been her keeper for a short period ; but who, 
 nevertheless, had made such a destruction of property, as to 
 alarm his father and mother for their safety to escape from beg- 
 gary and ruin. He was so fascinated with the ci-devant match- 
 girl, that he positively refused to listen to any remonstrances on 
 the subject from his parents, who had ascertained the cause of 
 his extravagance and expenditure, that in the paroxysm of the 
 moment, declared that^ he could not live without her, and that he 
 would make her his wife. His parents dreading the result of 
 his fascination his father, at length, got an opportunity of in- 
 troducing himself to Charlotte, by another name, on pretence of 
 business, and quite unknown to his son. 
 
 "Upon entering the apartment, and beholding the match-girl, 
 he was struck with her beautiful appearance and manners, and 
 felt pity for his son, and almost could have found some excuse 
 for the infatuation of his poor boy ; but rousing himself from his 
 surprise and astonishment, with tears in his eyes, he mentioned 
 to her the nature of his visit, related his fears that his wife and 
 himself would be reduced to beggary, if not total ruin, if such a 
 
 We are rather afraid for the moral part of mankind, that there are too many 
 females in existence, the exact counter part of the match-girl, without assuming 
 any thing like cant upon the subject, and until they become, from a change in 
 their circumstances, hacknied, despised, worn-out, diseased, wretched, heart- 
 broken, and too late in the day to alter and amend their past lives, feel the 
 severity, but just remark of the poet : 
 
 Guilt is the source of sorrow ; 'tis the fiend, 
 TV avenging fiend, that follows us behind 
 With whips and stings ! 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 245 
 
 connection continued any longer. The appearance of a tine, old, 
 gentlemanly man, his venerable face, and grey hairs, his eyes 
 filled with drops of sorrow, his pathos, and the forcible man- 
 ner in which he represented the feelings of the mother of his 
 son, had the desired effect. 
 
 " The match-girl, although money was her idol, was subdued 
 in an instant, the tears rolled down her cheeks, and as soon as 
 she could give utterance to her faultering speech, she thus 
 addressed him : ' My good old gentleman, you have touched 
 my feelings more acutely than I thought you could have accom- 
 plished ; but say no more, the connection was not of my seeking; 
 nevertheless, it ends this moment, and your son shall never 
 be admitted again into this house ! Yes, once more, to hear my 
 determination, which is irrevocably fixed that I have more real 
 respect for his aged parents, than to be the cause of their ruin 
 perhaps, their deaths ; therefore, worthy sir, depart in comfort 
 to your home, solace your wife, and do not act harshly towards 
 your son, reason with him properly on the subject, point out 
 his errors in the most lenient manner possible ! He is a sensible 
 fellow, and I do flatter myself, you will yet find him an obedient, 
 affectionate son/ 
 
 <f The old man was lost in astonishment with the extreme 
 beauty of the female before him, and her delightful form ; but the 
 good feeling, sense, and mind she displayed, positively electrified 
 him beyond the power of recital, and he left the house over- 
 whelmed with joy, yet he could not help mentally exclaiming 
 ' Such a woman might seduce a bird from a tree ! What an 
 escape for my poor boy !' 
 
 " The match-girl, in one or two instances, was rather unfortu- 
 nate with her protectors. In a fit of desperation one of them com- 
 mitted a forgery to a large amount, so distractedly fond was he 
 of Charlotte ; but the relatives of the young man, to save his 
 life, though nearly the ruin of the family, raised the sum and 
 paid it ; but banished her admirer from the country for ever. 
 ' This unfortunate circumstance/ said she, to one of her friends, 
 who taxed her with it, as being the cause and ruin of the young 
 man in question : c was not my fault ! I did not solicit his 
 acquaintance, nor friendship, and I refused, positively refused to 
 listen to his offers ! But he pressed his suit arduously, and said, 
 that he would not be denied nor no denial would he take. He 
 was quite aware of my situation in society ; but he replied, 
 that his fortune was ample enough nay, twice enough to sup- 
 port me. It was not for me to enquire into his resources, I can- 
 not find brains for other people ; I have difficulty enough to fur- 
 nish common sense for myself. But I have always made a point 
 never to swerve from I never did nor never will be, the cause 
 of men doing wrong to themselves, or families ; however, if they 
 will sin with their eyes open, the blame rests on their heads, and 
 not upon mine. I never directly asked a favour of any man in 
 
246 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 my life, and if the men the lords of the creation, who are wiser, 
 and know every thing* better than us poor weak-minded females, 
 will run after us with their praises and admiration respecting" 
 my person -pester me with their fulsome, insincere compli- 
 ments, who swear that I am as beautiful as Venus, a divinity, my 
 eyes are more billiant that the stars in the sky, and that they will 
 not exist without me, united with a variety of every day sort of 
 hackneyed phrases, and string's of lies to gain their ends ! I 
 would ask, how am I to blame ? Yes ; the scene ultimately 
 sooner or later changes, when all their money is gone, and de- 
 sire fled, then I become a demon, a fiend in petticoats, and 
 every thing that is bad ! Be it so, I am answerable for my own 
 conduct ALONE. I think, and act for myself!' 
 
 " One of her most violent admirers was a young fellow, called 
 RENTROLL : and to whom Charlotte seemed more attached 
 than to any other of her protectors, she had, what she termed 
 rather a sort of liking for him ; but nevertheless, Rentroll, like 
 the rest of her gallants, had only his day. His outline does not 
 require much difficulty to describe, he was high-spirited, a fine 
 and atheletic figure, a manly face, and his countenance full of 
 animation and cheerfulness. If tuition, and excellent instructors, 
 could have made him a scholar, he had been long enough at 
 school to have obtained that title ; but reading and writing were 
 not his forte ; yet, he could not be set down as an ignorant man. 
 His taste lay in a different style altogether : he prefered the 
 field to the closet, enamoured with all sorts of society, and com- 
 pany was his delight. Solitude, or any thing like it, he deemed 
 a complete bore. 
 
 " Rentroll had spent the great portion of his time in the 
 country, a distance of two hundred miles and upwards from the 
 Metropolis the immense, improving town of Liverpool, was his 
 native place. His mother was taken from him when quite a 
 child, and his father died before he had attained his thirteenth year. 
 Rentroll was an only son, and the sole heir to his father's great 
 property, one of the richest merchants in that celebrated place 
 of commerce. He was under the control of guardians, according" 
 to a strict will made for that purpose ; but long before he had 
 attained his majority, they found, to their sorrow, that they had 
 a very troublesome young man to deal with : he was continually 
 ' out-running the constable/ according to the proverb, in respect 
 to extravagance and unnecessary expenses. He had a very 
 liberal allowance to live as a young gentleman ; but his spirit 
 and feelings had elevated him to assume the character of a man 
 before the term of youth had left him. 
 
 "Liverpool, if not absolutely a second Metropolis, as to what 
 is called life, in all its varieties ; nevertheless, is full of dissipated 
 scenes nightly, with the sailors and their girls ; the fiddle, harp, 
 glee-singers, dances, &c., are to be seen and heard at numerous 
 taverns and saloons in the neighbourhood of Williamson Square, 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 247 
 
 independently of saloons and several theatres. In the above 
 respect, London does not equal it, and Wapping is a mere shadow 
 also, for splendid rooms and lively amusements. 
 
 " Rentroll was a hero at all of these places, and distinguished 
 for his sprees and fun at most of them ; and whenever he ' was 
 at fault !' or detected in an error e How much to pay T soon 
 put it all to rights, and his character was a good fellow ! He 
 was the life of all his acquaintances, and scarcely ever said, 'No !' 
 to any proposition made to him. He made several trips to 
 Dublin, and enjoyed all the amusements which that splendid 
 city affords to the visitor, who possesses a gay turn of mind. In 
 fact, his life might be said to be one continual round of pleasure. 
 His days passed away briskly ; his nights merrily ; and time 
 never loitered upon his hands. Sailing- up and down the Mersey, 
 hunting-, coursing-, shooting-, with the races at their annual periods, 
 Chester, Liverpool, &c., he never missed attending- ; and, from 
 one thing- to another, kept Rentroll always upon the alert. 
 
 " The long-looked for, nay, much wished for day, at leng-th 
 arrived, when, according- to law ; obtained the title of MAN for 
 him, and g-uardianship and control were removed from his per- 
 son. He had had, according- to his own version of the matter, 
 quite enough of Liverpool ; Dublin and Manchester had also lost 
 their attractions, but London, dear London, where the resident 
 can carry on ' the game/ without being subject, quite so much, 
 to the prying qualities of his neighbours in the country, he 
 determined, without any hesitation, to take up his abode in it. 
 
 " In quick succession he visited every place of amusement, 
 either genteel or otherwise ; and kept it up with such animated 
 spirits, as if he had only a few days to view every thing : he went 
 on at a race-horse pace. He had a large sum of ready money at 
 his command, which soon procured him introductions in every 
 quarter ; and if he could not boast of having secured any friends, 
 he could not find fault for the want of numerous acquaintances, 
 always surrounding his person, and making him the hero of their 
 company. Indeed, his estates were so extensive, that he ob- 
 tained the nick-name of young RENTROLL, from their immense 
 value. 
 
 " In one of his rambles, soon after his arrival in the Metropolis, 
 it was at Ascot Races, I believe, that he first saw the match- 
 girl in all her bloom and beauty ; he became instantly entranc- 
 ed, as it were, with her person and look altogether ; it is true, 
 that Charlotte never omitted anything that could give interest, or 
 loveliness to her countenance, but /ace-painting she detested ; 
 and I have often heard her assert, with a smile of confidence 
 ' With all my errors, I will never be challenged as a painted 
 sepulchre F 
 
 " It is totally impossible to describe his libertine feelings upon 
 this occasion, he could not take his eyes off her person, and in 
 the ectasy of the moment, he exclamed ' I never saw a 
 
248 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 woman half so fine, or beautiful ; and if money and tempting' 
 offers, can make any impression on her feelings, I will not stand 
 upon trifles until I get her consent to place herself under my pro- 
 tection ! But is she comeatable ? is the question, he asked him- 
 self. Yes ; there is something- after all about her appearance that 
 one can hardly mistake, which tells me she is one of the Gay 
 freaks of nature ! Should that be the fact, f need not display 
 much diffidence upon the subject.' Backed by riches, he assum- 
 ed a confidence, rather call it an assurance, which, otherwise, he 
 might not have possessed. After Rentroll had introduced himself 
 to Charlotte by some common place observations about the 
 weather, fineness of the days. &c., he begged that he might be 
 permitted to call and enquire after her health, presenting her 
 with his card at the same time. His request was granted almost 
 as soon as he asked it. Charlotte never attempted coyness, she 
 was no hypocrite as to assume a virtue which she did not 
 possess. 
 
 " The match-girl who would npt call it LOVE, yet she was 
 * struck with the appearance of the fellow !' as she observed to 
 her maid, and that she had not seen so good-looking a young man 
 for some time. There was also taste displayed about his horses 
 and carriage ; and his person well attired, although the tailor 
 might have rendered him great assistance towards obtaining the 
 term elegance. 
 
 " Rentroll, without further delay, became one of her profess- 
 ed admirers, She was his idol, and he teased her morning, 
 noon, and night, to place herself under his immediate protection. 
 He; therefore, unblushingly made her an offer of his purse to a 
 certain extent, a carriage, a house, but not his hand ! Yet he 
 swore that he loved her better than any woman he had ever seen 
 since he was born, she was his choice, his taste, and he felt as- 
 sured that happiness would be the result to both of them being 
 under one roof. However, as he did not like restraint himself, 
 he would not ask her to pronounce the disagreeable word to 
 the ears of many females ' obey !' 
 
 " In truth, he had made up his mind not to be bound by any 
 exactment, tied like a stake to a hedge, and the terms for better 
 worse, respecting women, he never could, nor would recognize 
 in his vocubulary ! But nevertheless, constancy, was his motto, 
 and if he really loved a female, it would be impossible to leave 
 her, so much was he acquainted with his own feelings ; there- 
 fore, his heart was whole in the present instance. 
 
 " * But/ said Rentroll, < perhaps, that I am a young man, may 
 not be the least recommendation to Charlotte ; and as I have 
 1 been candid in my own mode of dealing, I trust, I shall be treated 
 with equal sincerity of disposition V 
 
 " ' You shall/ replied the match-girl, ' a fig for you profes- 
 sions of love, constancy, and all that sort of thing, which you do 
 not, nor perhaps, never will possess ! They may be on the tip of 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. (249 
 
 your tongue, but not at all near your heart. No matter, your 
 purse will be highly acceptable to me to prevent duns, and assist 
 me in the hour of need ; your carriage truly convenient for an 
 airing; and your, or the house, a desirable residence ; but on one 
 condition, it must be with me a FIXTURE ! Your personal 
 qualifications in my eyes are better than most of your sex, I can- 
 didly admit -that, you may be made an agreeable companion 
 from what little I have seen of you, no doubt ; but respecting 
 your youth, give me leave to say, it is the worst recommendation 
 you could have offered to me without it is secured by a good 
 settlement, to prevent your acting like a boy. 
 
 " ' YOUTH is fickle, changeable, and at times, egotistical ; 1 
 understand the sneer, and therefore, the settlement only with 
 Charlotte Partridge, can change a young fellow into an old 
 man ! But bear in mind, that my house, and all that is in it, 
 still remains my property, as a reserve ; according to some good 
 old maxims laid down for my future conduct, by my late depart- 
 ed, highly esteemed friend, the banker. ' To day/ said he, ' the 
 sun may shine brilliantly, the next, it may rain, the third day a 
 tempest may arise, desolation overwhelm, and I become not 
 only shipwrecked, but left alone almost on an uninhabited 
 island !' 
 
 " The above maxims, I am well aware, will not only be 
 viewed as cold, calculating points ; but tell against me, as not 
 eminating from any thing like the warmth of affection ; but they 
 are my creed, and from which I shall never swerve. But to the 
 point, your final answer, when the settlement is formally exe- 
 cuted, and strictly legal, according to the forms of law, and re- 
 vised by my solicitor, then Charlotte Partridge becomes the chere 
 amie of Samuel Rentroll, ISsq. Yet I am free to say, that 1 
 shall not be the worse acquaintance for the above precautions I 
 
 " i Women, too often, are foolish, fond, weak, and cannot see 
 their way; but I am not one of the sex in that respect, therefore, 
 I boast of nothing more than friendship, and you must deserve 
 it, before Charlotte Partridge allows the term to have existence. 
 One word more, and that must be observed most rigidly I brook 
 no command; authority over me, I will not recognize, but 
 liberality and kindness no one can better appreciate. Now I 
 hope we understand each other, so that no mistakes arise here- 
 after. I am to be depended upon when I give my word. I 
 should advise you also to avoid all jealousy, should any compli- 
 ments be paid to me, which I cannot avoid, and do not acknow- 
 ledge. Under these circumstances, should any separation occur, 
 the fault shall not be mine.' 
 
 " ' I will agree to any, to every thing you propose !' Such 
 was the ardour of young Rentroll. 
 
 " The independence of character, displayed by the match- 
 girl, and delivered in a most emphatic, yet, pleasing tone, made 
 ajn intense impression on the feelings of Rentroll, not exactly f .o 
 
 2 L 
 
2f>0 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 be developed; her beauty and fine form had spoken for them- 
 selves. No man was deceived upon these points ; but the 
 knowledge she displayed respecting* mankind, added to the con- 
 quest she had made over Rentroll, he sat her down far above 
 an every day sort of woman : nay, more, had she have been 
 placed in a more elevated rank in society, she would have ob- 
 tained the character of a female of very superior abilities. 
 
 " We are not aware that her protector had ever perused the 
 memoirs of the Chevalier Faublas, which so universally attract- 
 ed not only all the lovers of gallantry in France, but throughout 
 the City of Paris, and which also found its way into boudoirs 
 of numbers of the English women of quality, after its transla- 
 tion in this country. However, the match-girl, under the 
 auspices of her keeper, although not placed under the necessity 
 of changing her dress to carry on her intrigues like the lovely 
 Marchioness of B., in that gay and voluptuous work ; yet, a suit 
 of male attire was made for Charlotte, under a pledge of 
 honour and secrecy, by one of the most fashionable tailors at 
 that period. 
 
 " The order was attended to with the greatest nicety of art, 
 to transform her appearance and exterior to the exact resem- 
 blance of a man ! The tailor had done his duty to the very 
 letter, and highly rewarded for the talents he had displayed in 
 procuring a good Jit, allowing anatomically for the different 
 proportions of frame between the sexes. Rentroll was delighted 
 on viewing the dress, and Charlotte in rapture with the fun this 
 change of apparel was likely to afford her, when the proper time 
 arrived for her to assume, in public, the character of a dashing, 
 young MAN ! 
 
 " A wig was also produced, for elegance, and such a close 
 resemblance to nature, quite different in colour to her own hair, 
 that was pronounced matchless ; with whiskers, eye-brows, and 
 mustachios, that would deceive the most rigid inspector of 
 human nature so much, and so cleverly had art performed her 
 task. The advice given to Charlotte, how to act in her new 
 character was 'To hear much, and speak little !' 
 
 " After a few lessons from her protector, added to strutting 
 and fretting her hour in her own house, and when the private 
 rehearsals were considered complete, and the debut might be 
 made with safety, a card was engraved, with the name of Mr. 
 John Summersett ! as a. finish to the character altogether. 
 
 " But in case of accidents, or sudden rencounters might occur, 
 Rentroll decided that it was absolutely necessary he should give 
 her a few lessons of the art of self-defence : Charlotte thought 
 so too, and cheerfully entered into the spirit of the thing, with all 
 the fondness of an amateur. She was an apt pupil did not want 
 for courage or strength, and she soon acquired the knowledge to 
 stop and hit, so as to give a semblance in reality to the character 
 of a high-spirited young fellow. The pupil often drove her 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 251 
 
 master over the room when in combat, and completely convinced 
 him that Charlotte, at all events, for a short period, should her 
 courage be put to the test, that she would not betray any thing- 
 like a Coward! 
 
 ff But before any of the sprees commenced, the argument 
 between Rentroll and Charlotte was the designation of Jack 
 Summersett, Esq., ( I have it/ said the former ; * he is to be 
 known as a young sprig of fashion, related to a noble family, and 
 ultimately will succeed to a title. To which might be added 
 an only son, very rich, great expectations, and lately come of 
 age ; but perfectly incog, as to his movements in life ! 
 
 '* ' Excellent/ replied Charlotte ; ' only keep my secret to 
 yourself, and Jack Summersett will never betray himself. Ha ! 
 ha ! ha ! I hope I shall be able to keep my gravity I am sure, 
 it will be often put to the test. However, I am not afraid ! 
 Only one favour, I request, never quit my elbow ?' 
 
 " < Most rigidly/ answered Rentroll, * shall 1 attend to your 
 request, for upon that circumstance, depends our safety !' 
 
 " In truth, the latter kept the secret of his most intimate 
 friend, as he termed Summersett boys together from their 
 childhood ; inviolably in his own breast ; by which means he im- 
 posed on the whole of his acquaintances. But it was decided 
 between them, that Jack Summersett was not to make his (her} 
 debut upon the grand theatre of metropolitan life the West- 
 end of the town ; but in the more quiet part of it, when 
 from a little practice in her new character, and her male 
 attire did not sit uneasy upon her frame, she might acquire a 
 degree of confidence, not to be shaken by any trivial interruption 
 which might accidentally cross the path of Summersett ! 
 
 " The latter in the early part of his male career, only showed 
 himself on particular occasions ; but he very soon became 
 a favourite amongst the dashing associates of Rentroll ; however, 
 the latter, never left him alone with any of his rakes, as he 
 termed them, for fear of the consequence. Summersett was 
 continually upon his guard, and always waited for the cue from 
 his tutor, before he launched out into any thing like a display of 
 eloquence. 
 
 " The conversation of men, at times, over their glass at mid- 
 night, and at other periods, when the ' Juice of the grape/ 
 may have elevated their spirits rather above thepar, are not very 
 scrupulous or nice in their remarks ; and who relate circum- 
 stances, anecdotes, and amours, not at all calculated for the ears 
 of females ; but the match-girl was prepared for such events 
 intuitively, she was not at all fastidious, nor squeamish, and 
 Jack Summersett was not likely to betray his condition on that 
 account. 
 
 < During one evening, while our female hero was absent 
 Rentroll only now and then indulged his friends with her com- 
 
252 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES. 
 
 pany in male-attire ; he was asked where he first became 
 acquainted with Jack Summersett. 
 
 " ( He seems to be a nice young' fellow unassuming' well- 
 bred quiet and full of the etiquette of good manners. He is 
 quite the gentleman!' 
 
 " ' So, I would have him :' replied Rentroll, scarcely able to 
 suppress the laugh upon his countenance : ' indeed, it would be 
 very unpleasant to my feeling's to have Jack Summersett taken 
 for any thing" else but a perfect man and a gentleman. True, 
 he is young* and inexperienced ; but I assure you, my friends, he 
 is much better when you are acquainted with him more intimate.- 
 ly. He is in leading" string-s at present, totally under my care, 
 and I have promised, his friends, that I will take care of him. 
 Hitherto he has been very tractable, and, if I realize my expec- 
 tations, it is my wish that he should return to his relatives in 
 Northamptonshire, evidently improved in his mind ; a more 
 enlarged knowledge of society : yet, without the slightest touch 
 of bronze, rudeness, or vulgarity.' 
 
 " The above frank display concerning his friend Summersett, 
 was quite satisfactory to all of his acquaintances, and the 
 taciturnity of the latter, was rather viewed as a want of confi- 
 dence, than an embargo laid upon his tongue by Rentroll. Thus 
 the secret was secured, and if any opinions about Summersett, 
 that he appeared rather feminine, were expressed, still not the 
 slightest suspicion arose in their minds that he was a female in 
 reality, and only looked like a man ! 
 
 " Summersett could, with some difficulty, manage one cigar, 
 or rather, play with it, so as not to appear singular in company ; 
 but he refused to sing on all occasions ; therefore, detection 
 was not likely to occur from the quality of his voice. The 
 match-girl was quick in apprehension, lessons were not thrown 
 away upon her, and either in the capacity of a female, or the ex- 
 terior of a man, she proved herself a match for the most know- 
 ing of her opponents. She was abstemious almost to a fault, 
 although she had no objection to a glass of generous wine, on the 
 score that it strengthened the frame of either man or woman ; 
 but anything beyond that, she never indulged in ; she was 
 scrupulously rigid , therefore, Rentroll was perfectly satisfied 
 that either in the character of Jack Summersett, or the ci-devant 
 match-girl drinking to excess was not amongst her faults. 
 Drinking parties, of course, were avoided ; and it was only by 
 sheer accident that Charlotte ever appeared amongst them. 
 
 " Rentroll appeared always to pay so much attention to Jack 
 Summersett, that he was often challenged by his friends He 
 was careful over much ! Also, that he used the curb too strongly 
 he held the reins too tight and he would, ultimately, find out 
 his mistake. If the door of the cage should be found open some 
 day, most likely the bird might fly away ! 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL, 253 
 
 " ' Leave that to me,' observed Rentroll, with a smile ; I 
 know my game, and I shall play my cards accordingly. I am 
 the best judge in this case ; then as a matter of favour, reserve 
 your remarks, and bear in mind the old saying ' That opinions 
 given unasked, often create offence !' ' This hint had the desir- 
 ed effect ; andev^r afterwards, Summersett became a free agent 
 amongst them, whenever he appeared in their company. 
 
 <f Rentroll would not have gone so far by suffering Jack Sum- 
 mersett to appear among'st his friends at home ; but it was done 
 to prevent idle curiosity when they were met together at any 
 place of amusement out of doors ! This was well done as a 
 russe de guerre ; and answered, to prevent such questions as 
 ' Who have you got with you, Rentroll V ' What is the name of 
 your friend V ' Where does he come from V &c. &c. 
 
 " The match-girl possessed amazing strength for a woman, 
 and the exercise she took, privately, with Rentroll, in using the 
 dumb bells, walking miles at a time, learning to fence, as an 
 amusement, and acquiring, in some degree, nay, an expert pupil, 
 in the art of self-defence, with the gloves, was quite capable, as 
 the term goes, of ' Taking her own part/ in a more defensive, 
 nay, offensive style, if necessity compelled her to show herself 
 off in the Amazonian character. 
 
 " Charlotte was very fond of a spree, when out with her pro- 
 tector talked loud, when she thought it necessary to show her 
 importance called some men puppies, for their insignificance 
 of conduct that she would pull their noses cane them and 
 horsewhip others, for their impertinence and cowardice : keep- 
 ing up the sport of the character which she had assumed, in first- 
 rate style, appertaining to a buck, or blood of the highest grade ; 
 and whenever a row assumed something like a tangible shape, 
 a duel likely to be the consequence, she would pull out her card- 
 case with the utmost indifference, and present her card in ex- 
 change : 
 
 MR. JOHN SUMMERSETT, 
 
 REGENT'S PARK. 
 
 Smiling to herself, that the above hero in disguise, was at other 
 times ' non est inventus !' Rentroll enjoyed this sort of fun 
 exceedingly, and kept up the delusion in the cleverest manner, 
 observing, when recognized by some persons as being in the com- 
 pany of the runaway Jack Summersett ' That he had not seen 
 him since the row occurred ; but when he did meet with him, if 
 Summersett did not come forward and act like a man, he should 
 cut his acquaintance for ever. He would never keep company 
 with poltroons !' 
 
 " This sort of fun, to Rentroll and Charlotte, was carried on 
 for some time, without the slightest suspicion, or detection ; but 
 according to an old proverb ' The pitcher which goes so often 
 
254 THE PILGRIMS OF THE TKAME 
 
 to the well, gets broken at last !' and so it occurred to the 
 match-girl. In the course of a short period, she had not only 
 obtained perfect confidence in her male attire ; but in some 
 respects, became over daring 1 ; however, on the evening, I am 
 about to desciibe, it was urged against her that she had taken 
 more wine than usual, and exhiliirated beyond her usual spirits, 
 which were of the highest descr ption at all times, without any 
 other impetus : but Charlotte, at an after period, not only repell- 
 ed the assertion with great indignation, as a foul calumny ; but 
 it ultimately was the cause of their separation ! 
 
 <f At one of those uproarious scenes at the Italian Opera House, 
 in the Haymarket, denominated a masquerade, Charlotte and 
 Rentroll had made up their minds, unknown to their most inti- 
 mate friends, according to RentrolPs phraseology to ' Go IT !' 
 or, in other words, to have some fun at the expense of their 
 acquaintances ; and also to teaze and put other persons on the 
 fret, who had previously offended them, and by annoying their 
 opponents in the most ludicrous manner possible, what is called 
 ' owing them ONE !' 
 
 " Charlotte went in her male-attire, with merely a black silk 
 mask over her face ; but fastened on so tightly, that nothing but 
 a most outrageous attack could have removed it from its place. 
 Rentroll by her side, arm-in-arm, determined not to separate 
 from her, without some row occurred, and then afterwards to 
 meet at a given box near the orchestra. This being understood, 
 Rentroll, well primed with champagne, had scarcely joined the 
 motley group, before he began to ' push along keep moving/ 
 as if he had been out of his senses, and Charlotte was equally on 
 the qui vive. 
 
 " To enumerate the jostlings which occurred for the purpose 
 the attack which took place designedly insolent replies 
 and now and then, blows, which passed on the occasion, would 
 be a waste of time ; for both Charlotte and Rentroll, were bent 
 upon mischief ! 
 
 " The former, on seeing a puppy, as she termed him, yet a 
 sprig- of nobility ; who had affronted her grossly at one period of 
 her life, and whom, Charlotte used to observe, had no more 
 brains than a flower pot ; but nevertheless, who prided himself 
 on his rank, and looked down with scorn and contempt upon every 
 individual in society, without they could lay claim to high birth. 
 
 " ' Here's a spooney,' said she to Rentroll, ' that I have long 
 wished to * serve out' upon an old score, the time has arrived, 
 so look out, and be ready fora row ! I will give it him !' 
 
 " ' Go your hardest/ replied Rentroll, ' your second is at 
 hand ! We'll die game ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! A skirmish a caper 
 or a turn-up, is meat, drink, washing and lodging for me for a 
 month so Go IT, my pippin !' 
 
 " ' Then I am ready/ said Charlotte, and swaggering up to 
 the sprig, nearly pushing him down' You are a disagreeable 
 
fN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 255 
 
 chap, an't you, never to bring" home to my house, the cheese 
 and butter that I ordered of your master ? You are a careless, 
 negligent wretch, arid I'll g'et you discharged ! No reply, chap 
 no impertinence no prate!' 
 
 " ' I am no cheesemonger, rude fellow !' answered the sprig 1 , 
 quite indignant, at such an insult ; ' 1 am a gentleman, fellow ! 
 Therefore, be off, fellow or, else ' 
 
 " * Or else, what !' replied Charlotte, shaking her fist at him ; 
 ' Ha ! ha ! ha! an apology of a man like you ! a mere thing ! 
 a non-entity ! a mushroom in society ! Dare to call me fel- 
 low again, and I'll make a tinder box of your eyes, and extract 
 the only spark of fire you have about you ! I'll also turn your 
 nose into a pair of snuffers by pinching it ! And if you dare to 
 open your lips any more to me, good, bad, or indifferent, I will 
 put you into my side pocket, and smother you for the benefit of 
 society in general ! Ha ! ha ! ha !' 
 
 11 ' So do/ said Rentroll, laughing immoderately at the patter 
 made use of by Charlotte ; ' take the rind off the cheesemonger, 
 and wop him into butter! Make scrapings of the wretch !' A 
 crowd of masqueraders had by this time formed quite a mob round 
 them, listening to the above harangue, and who joined in the 
 loud laugh. 
 
 " ' You are a liar, and a blackguard/ answered the sprig, 
 ready to burst with passion ; ' for thus abusing me, I am no 
 cheesemonger ; and I'll chastise you for your insolence 
 you ' 
 
 " Charlotte did not wait for the sprig to finish the sentence ; 
 but said 'Come on, Mr. Know-nothing, and I'll give you a 
 receipt in full of all demands.' Charlotte was not long in show- 
 ing her knowledge of the art of self-defence upon the face of 
 the sprig, who had not the slightest chance to ward off her 
 blows, the claret following every hit, till the sprig ultimately 
 measured his length upon the floor. The row became general, 
 blows were dealt out like a shower of hail, and the strongest only 
 came best off, when the parties were dispersed by a violent rush 
 from the clowns, tumblers, watchmen, brigands, firemen, &c. 
 in consequence of which interruption, Charlotte and Rentroll 
 made a lucky escape, without any detection as to 'who they 
 were !' 
 
 " After keeping the ' game alive ' until they were completely 
 tired ; indeed, no two persons present had endeavoured to create 
 more mirth, than Jack Summersett (in disguise) and Rentroll, 
 had done at the masquerade. Daylight now appeared as the 
 signal for their departure, when the latter went out of doors to 
 seek for his chariot, but not returning to Charlotte quite so soon 
 as she expected, she advanced to the extremity of the door, to be 
 in readiness for the carriage, which led to the following ludicrous 
 adventure : 
 
 f( The match-girl, in her male attire, although she was not 
 
256 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 aware of the circumstance, it appeared, looked like the double 
 of a dashing-, extravagant, young- man, who was frequently in 
 the hands of John Doe and Richard Roe ! The bailiffs had 
 been on the look out for him for some time ; but, unknown to 
 them, he had gone to Paris, when they suddenly popped on 
 Charlotte, excfaiming- ' Here he is !' 
 
 " Upon the bailiffs making their caption good, Summersett, 
 with a spirit of indignation, enquired the meaning of their rude, 
 unmannerly attack ; and with all (his} her strength resisted 
 them. 
 
 " 4 You are wanted, sir/ replied the bailiffs. 
 
 " ' What does the fellow mean ?' 
 
 " ' You are our prisoner ! And you must go along with us !' 
 
 " ' Prisoner ! What crime have I commited ?' 
 
 " c Not any crime ; perhaps, a fault ! But no doubt, if you 
 go to Bill Holdfast's you will soon be able to settle it!' 
 
 "' Crime! fault ! settle it ! I do not understand a word you 
 say. What is the cause I am thus annoyed ? Tell me without 
 delay/ 
 
 te ' You know well enough ! On suspicion of debt to the 
 amount of seven hundred pounds ; nevertheless, we do not wish 
 to be troublesome, nor rude to you, sir, if you will only conduct 
 yourself like a gentleman.' 
 
 " ' I am no i am a ' but recollecting herself 
 
 the secret of her sex was still in her keeping. ' I tell you, gen- 
 tlemen,' in rather a subdued tone, ( you have made a mistake. I 
 am not the person you take me for. And if you will go with 
 me to my house, I will not only satisfy you of the error you 
 have committed, but reward you well for your trouble/ 
 
 " ' No, sir, we don't do business in that 'ere manner ! We've 
 cotched you, and we means to keep you, as the man says to his 
 wife for better or for vorse ! Besides, as how, you need not 
 affect so much ignorance upon the subject ! We have nabbed 
 you several times before this 'ere, upon the same suit. So we 
 can't lose our time, as we have several other gents to wait upon, 
 who are like yourself shy cocks ! Therefore, we cannot 
 argufy the pint ; but you must come along 
 
 " ' Had me before ? you are a couple of insolent, lying rascals, 
 and I have a great mind to break every bone in your bodies. I 
 will not stir an inch ! I do not owe a shilling to any person in 
 the world!' 
 
 " ' Then, Jem, you see how it is, this here person means to be 
 obstropolis, and we must go to vork ! Ve must use force ! You 
 see as how, sir, if you strike Jem and I in our duty, you will, and 
 no mistake, be tried for an assault, and the caper will be, we 
 shall get heavy damages ; therefore, submit like a gentleman.' 
 
 " ' I tell you again I am no and upon my 
 
 honour, you are mistaken, and you will find that out too 
 late !' 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL 257 
 
 " ' We know better than that ere that gammon won't do for 
 Jem and I old birds are not to be caught with chaff. So Jem, 
 be polite and lend the gentleman your arm, and here is mine 
 also at his service/ 
 
 " Summersett offered his purse, but all in vain. < Well then,' 
 said he, "as you are determined, right or wrong, to take me, I 
 will go with you quietly ; so take away your arms, or you will 
 repent of it/ 
 
 " ' Repent P you said last. ' Ha ! ha ! ha! you must excuse us 
 laughing, sir ; but there is no repentance about us chaps. No, 
 no we are always to/indemnified. Catch us repenting ; what 
 stuff/ 
 
 " Very soon after the 7 above dialogue had occurred, Summersett 
 found himself, at his ease, in person, at Holdfast's lock-up house, 
 but not so in mind ; and requested that some one might be 
 sent immediately to S. Rentroll Esq., to inform him of the cir- 
 cumstance, and also to procure bail. 
 
 " ' Lord bless you sir, bail could not be taken at this improper 
 hour of the night. The security must be undeniable, 700 is no 
 trifle ! Besides, we might be taken up as disorderly persons, 
 knocking at doors, and enquiring after persons who are asleep. 
 I would very readily do anything to serve you, but bail now, 
 sir, is out of the hunt ! Make yourself happyand comfortable 
 you have nothing to fret about there is in this ere house as fine 
 a down bed as you ever slept upon in the whole course of your 
 life. There is the bell, sir, call for what you please but my ad- 
 vice is, only to be civil, and draw it mild, and then you will be as 
 happy and comfortable as if you were at home. It is our duty 
 to make the wlsit pleasant. Shall we send the servant-maid, 
 Nancy, to you, she is a wery nice young woman, andj will do 
 anything for you good night, sir/ 
 
 " The match-girl now rathercooM upon the subject. She was 
 inclosed within iron bars and complaint was useless. To get 
 out, till the next morning, was out of the question ; she, there- 
 fore, consoled herself with the cheerful idea, that in the course 
 of a few fleeting hours, which might be slept away, would re- 
 store her to liberty. Charlotte could not help laughing at the 
 singularity of her situation ; but nevertheless, she thought it 
 was carrying the joke rather too far. However, as I am to be 
 a gentleman, in spite of myself I will keep up the character a 
 little longer, and also have a spree here, as I am sure discovery 
 must come at last. Charlotte rang the bell rather loudly. 
 
 " The door opened, when a handsome young servant-girl ap- 
 peared with a night-light, and said, f I am ready, sir, to shew 
 you to your room. The bed is well aired/ 
 
 lt ' That is right, my girl, proceed, and I will follow you/ 
 
 " ' You will find excellent accomodation here sir, I assure you ; 
 my master, Mr. Holdfast, has got a character for doing every 
 thing in the most handsome manner to gentlemen in your situation/ 
 
 2 M 
 
258 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " f Gentlemen!' I'll have a bit of fun, thought the match-girl, 
 " I cannot do any harm/ 
 
 " * What time do you wish to be called in the morning 1 , sir ? I 
 wish you a good night/ 
 
 " ' Stop a minute, my pretty little maid, I have got something 
 to say to you ;' and immediately ran up to the girl, and began 
 to kiss her violently behaving also in rather an unbecoming 
 manner, and dragging her forcibly towards the bed. The girl 
 resisting with all her strength calling out at the same time, 
 ' Master ! mistress ! Help ! help. I shall be ruined ! murder, 
 fire ! help ! help !' This bustle and loud noise soon brought to 
 her assistance her master, in his shirt Mrs. Holdfast in her 
 night-clothes and two or three other inmates from their beds, 
 who were under the influence of lock and key. The consterna- 
 tion and fright are not to be described ; and the host and hostess 
 were alarmed, under the apprehension that the house was 
 on fire. 
 
 "Upon their entrance into the room occupied by Summersett, 
 they perceived the servant-maid sitting upon a chair, crying 
 and the former laughing heartily at the row he had created in 
 the lock-up house. Holdfast observed in a rage to the match- 
 girl, ' You are no gentleman, sir, to conduct yourself in such 
 an infamous manner/ 
 
 " * No/ replied Summersett, " I know that, I told your harpies 
 so before, but they would not believe me/ 
 
 " ' I mean, sir, that you are a blackguard to behave in such an 
 unwarrantable manner to my servant-girl, and I wish it was in 
 my power to kick you out of the house/ 
 
 " e Kick me out of the house indeed ! Use better words, Mr. 
 Bailiff, or I'll make you repent of your insolence on the spot 
 instantly. I have got a potent arm to keep such fellows as you 
 at a distance. Kick me ! what have I done ? you are mighty 
 squeamish, Mr. Holdfast, all in a minute ; I suppose you want to 
 makea/>roj0erfy of me, by swearing that I have committed- ' 
 
 < We'll ascertain that, without delay," cried Holdfast. 
 ' What has the worthless wretch done to you my girl ?' 
 
 " ' Done !' I don't know scarcely what he has done to me," 
 answered the girl, blubbering loudly, with her hands up to her 
 eyes, ( but I don't know what might have been the conse- 
 quences if you had not have come to my assistance. He is as 
 strong as a lion I was nothing in his arms he kissed me vio- 
 lently ! and he he he ' 
 
 " ' Well, I am glad it is no worse ; however, we will indict 
 him for an assault. He shall pay handsomely for his rudeness 
 so get you to bed, my girl, and we'll leave the gentleman to 
 his private reflections. I am sorry, sir, you should so far have 
 forgot yourself/ 
 
 " The room was instantly cleared and the house as silent 
 as could be wished the match-girl laughing heartily at the 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 259 
 
 adventure : ' this is masquerading-*- it is real life/ said she, 
 ' and I will keep it up now to the end of the chapter.' 
 
 " For a few minutes she rather hesitated whether she should 
 undress herself, or lie down in her clothes : but she soon decided 
 on the subject the clothes of the representative of Mr. Sum- 
 mersett were thrown upon the chairs when she popped into 
 bed, tired with the night's amusement, the diversity of the scene, 
 and was fast asleep in quick time. 
 
 " We must now return to Rentroll,'whom we left on the look- 
 out for his chariot : his surprise and astonishment were beyond 
 expression, vvhen he returned to the spot where he had left 
 Summersett waiting 1 for his return. He asked in the most anxious 
 manner of all the servants and persons at the door, describing his 
 person, if such a gentleman had been seen. To all his enquiries 
 the direct NO was returned. This is some trick Charlotte has 
 put upon me a little bit of her fun or, rather to teaze me for 
 leaving" her so long", but I could not avoid it. She must have 
 got into a coach, and gone home, where I shall find her taking- 
 some refreshment on my arrival I have no doubt. Such were 
 Rentroll's thoughts upon the subject. He enquired of his coach- 
 man, but no traces could he learn respecting the absence of 
 Summersett. He drove rapidly home but to his surprise, nay, 
 violent jealousy in an instant Charlotte had not arrived. Hor- 
 rors accumulated upon his mind he was desperately in love 
 with the match-girl : ' Ah/ he exclaimed in a tone of misery, 
 " it was what I always was afraid would happen, sooner or 
 later ; she has made some assignation, an intrigue with some man 
 of fashion. Charlotte had always so many fine rich fellows 
 buzzing about her person, like flies at a sugar cask, that I never 
 could wholly beat them off.' 
 
 Oh, what damned minutes counts he o'er 
 To him who doubts ! yet fondly loves. 
 
 " Rentroll was lost in conjecture ; and after harrassing his feel- 
 ings to madness, he went to bed in despair blaming himself 
 for leaving Summersett alone. But he had made up his mind, 
 that Charlotte was lost to him for ever in consequence of some 
 new ; or, more flattering connection. 
 
 " The match-girl, on opening her eyes after a few hours sleep, 
 could not for the moment contemplate where she was in a 
 strange apartment, and alone. The windows, too, secured by 
 strong iron bars exclaimed, ' where the deuce am I V but 
 reflection immediately flashed across her memory and she recol- 
 lected the row the arrest of last night and her singular situa- 
 tion in the lock-up house. ' Ha ! ha ! ha ! no matter.' She rang 
 the bell violently, and after waiting some little time, she over- 
 heard a parley, between the master, the mistress, and the servant- 
 girl, who should attend to it. 'Let him ring and be d for 
 
 an insolent fellow,' said Holdfast. 
 
260 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 "The match-girl again rang- the bell, with force enough to 
 break the wire attached to it when a man-servant with a 
 gruff hoarse voice, popped his nose in at the door, and asked 
 what was wanted. 
 
 " * Send the servant -girl up to me, immediately, fellow/ 
 
 " ( She is afraid to come, sir/ 
 
 " < Ha ! ha ! ha ! What is she afraid of? Then let your mis- 
 tress come directly, I must see her.' 
 
 " * Not by no manner of means, master says his wife an't a' 
 going to be pulled about, and slobbered over by any fellow 
 besides, she will not trust herself in such bad company she is 
 the mother of children a modest woman and she says that 
 you did not behave like a gentleman. You know what you did 
 best it's nothing to me, you know.' 
 
 " ' Ha : ha ! ha ! Such a fuss about modesty squeamishness I 
 should have thought I had have been in the Penitentiary, fellow, 
 sooner than in a blackguard lock-up house but no matter. Do 
 you, sir, bring me up pens, ink, and paper immediately ; and in 
 about a quarter of an hour afterwards, come up to me again, and 
 you will find a note on the table, directed to a friend of mine. Do 
 you take it immediately, or cause it to be taken and the sooner 
 you bring the answer the sooner you will be a sovereign the 
 richer ; perhaps two, if you do it quickly. So be off.' 
 
 " ' You shall be obeyed, sir,' said the fellow, grinning ' I 
 shall be punctual ; I don't know what mistress may think, but 
 1 am sure he is a gentleman, every inch of him. A stuck up 
 little wretch like her to give herself airs, she thought, I sup- 
 pose to make a fiat of him, but he would'nt stand it. 1 
 shouldn't have thought on it howsomdever I shall try it on for 
 the two sovs. One I consider safe in my fob. The blunt makes 
 the gemman,in myidears.' 
 
 " The match-girl, on obtaining the paper, immediately wrote 
 this facetious note to her gallant : 
 
 " Dear Rentroll, 
 
 " Here is a precious scrape you have got me into 
 
 but your pal, Jack Summersett is off for ever. You will never see him again. 
 No more masquerading for me : but nevertheless, your own dear Charlotte, as 
 you have so often called her is now in fresh keeping ; and my new keeper is so 
 strongly attached to my person, that he will not suffer me to go out of doors. 
 But don't be alarmed for my constancy at present for the truth is the bailiffs 
 have mistaken me for a sprig of quality, and I have been arrested for 700. 
 This is above e,joke at all events : however, a truce to complaint. 
 
 Come my dear fellow to me immediately, and bring with you a complete dress of 
 female attire ; my maid, Fanny, will give it to you. I am determined not to act 
 the gentleman any more : one pill is a dose. I am to be found, or, rather say the 
 lost sheep is to be heard of at Mr. Holdfast's, Cursitor Street, Chancery Lane. 
 I cannot say, in the sporting cant, that I am up and dressed ; but yet, I am down 
 in bed. I cannot run away, but as the song says, 
 
 Locks, bolts, and bars, soon fly asunder. 
 Then don't delay a minute, every second appears to me an hour. 
 
 From your's, in durance vile, 
 CHARLOTTE PARTRIDGE." 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 261 
 
 P.S. This will prove a rare exposure; and I shall have some difficulty, I am 
 afraid, for a short time, to convince the bailiff that I am not Jack Summersett. I 
 shall become the laughing stock of all your friends. 
 
 " Upon reading" this note, Rentroll resumed his natural spirits 
 bursting- out in a fit of loud laughter capering- and dancing- all 
 over the room uttering", with ecstacy ' My dear Charlotte, it 
 is a precious lark, I must admit and has given me some pain 
 and urieasines of mind, but it is all over now. I will soon be 
 with you and convince those living body-snatchers that you 
 are a woman, a delightful woman ; and demand satisfaction for 
 the capture, and also the insult they have put upon my Charlotte/ 
 He procured, not only a complete, but one of the most eleg-ant 
 dresses in Charlotte's possession, from the maid-servant ; and lost 
 no time to relieve the representative of Jack Summersett from 
 his unpleasant situation. On his arrival at Holdfast's, in his 
 chariot, * I want ' said he, * a lady in your custody, I ap- 
 prehend by mistake.' 
 
 <; ' You have come to the wrong- house, sir, we have no lady 
 debtor here. We are not such Hats as to mistake a lady for a 
 gentleman. We have been too long- in business to commit such 
 a palpable error. But you are not serious, I am sure. Rest 
 assured, sir, we have no female in this house confined for debt/ 
 
 "' Say, you don't know, Mr. Bailiff. Much cleverer men than 
 you have been deceived by women. I ag-ain tell you, I must 
 see the lady you have g*ot in your custody/ 
 
 " ' W^e have no such person here, I once more assure you. A 
 wrong- direction has been given to you/ 
 
 " 'if I must speak by the card then, I want to see the gentle 
 man you arrested last nig-ht at the masquerade. Take me to 
 his apartment immediately/ 
 
 " ' Ha ! ha ! ha ! a pretty lady, indeed ; a fellow that would 
 have ravished my maid-servant last nig-ht if his diabolical 
 attempts had not been frustrated. A lady, indeed, ha ! ha! ha'/ 
 
 " ' You grow insolent, sir. Keep your discourse to yourself ; 
 I arn not in a humour to argue with bailiffs/ 
 
 " ' I do not wish to be insolent, and far from rude ; but you 
 will find that I have only spoken the truth, convince yourself/ 
 
 On Rentroll and Charlotte meeting together, loud laughter 
 occurred between them, at the singularity of the scene. He 
 found the match-girl in bed. ' Have you brought a dress for 
 me ?' asked Charlotte, ' for I am determined, whatever ridicule 
 I may undergo, I will not quit this house as Jack Summersett; 
 I have been punished for assuming the character of lordly 
 man ?' 
 
 " ' Be it so/ replied Rentroll ' and while you are changing 
 your sex ; Ha ! ha ! ha ! I mean your dress, I will go down stairs, 
 and make the discovery known to the lock-up hero/ 
 
 '" Do, my dear Rentroll ; and I'll astonish the bailiff, strong 
 as his nerves may be ; he shall find I am a woman, to his cost. 
 
262 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 At all events, I will try to frighten him. It is my turn now to 
 talk loud of the injury I have sustained false imprisonment 
 large damages, &c. &c. Ha ! ha ! ha !' 
 
 " Upon Rentroll meeting with the master of the house, he ob- 
 served to him ' Your men made rather a bit of a mistake last 
 night, but, of course, you will abide the consequences, and in 
 the course of a few hours you will hear from my solicitor on the 
 subject. A lady, most certainly, you have made prisoner, instead 
 of a gentleman, with all your penetration in these matters !' 
 
 " ' That will not do, sir, I am am not so easily imposed upon as 
 you may imagine. A lady, instead of a gentleman, it is impos- 
 sible ! However, I will soon remove all doubts upon that head. 
 Here, Nance !' The servant maid instantly made her appear- 
 ance. ' Did not that gentleman in No. 5, treat you in a rough, 
 rude manner, last night, and would have ' 
 
 " ' He did indeed, sir, and had not you and my mistress have 
 ran to my help, I should have been ruined in spite of my exer- 
 tions to have prevented it/ 
 
 " ' Psha!' exclaimed Rentroll, ' ruined, indeed, you have all 
 taken leave of your senses. I now ask you seriously, my girl, 
 are you sure the person who attacked you so rudely, as you 
 term it, was not a lady V 
 
 " * A lady ! I'll take my oath of it, sir. I never met with a 
 stronger man in my life I had no chance to defend myself I 
 was a child in his hands/ 
 
 "'Amazement!' uttered Rentroll, 'however, the mistake 
 shall be cleared up instantly. Let your wife go up stairs, Mr. 
 Holdfast, to the person alluded to, and she will find her a 
 woman '/ 
 
 " * No, I thank you, sir, I will not. I do not choose to suffer 
 the mother of my children to be insulted with impunity, after 
 what occurred last night. I must be a fool, to act so unwisely/ 
 
 " ( Well then, I ask it of you, as a favor, let us go up stairs in 
 a body, there can be no danger of insult, when we are 
 altogether V 
 
 " After considerable persuasion on the subject in dispute, they 
 all repaired to the supposed gentleman's apartment, when, to 
 the surprise of Holdfast, his wife and the servant girl, they 
 found Charlotte in a splendid dress, and her fine form and 
 beautiful appearance, positively electrified them for the instant. 
 
 " ' Ha ! ha ! ha !' taking up the mustachioes and false whiskers, 
 said Rentroll, ' they are not to be sent to the British Museum 
 as curiosities, but they will be kept as a memento to laugh at 
 when the anecdote is related to some future companies, as a 
 proof that the most experienced 'knowing ones!' are to be 
 taken in/ 
 
 " ' True, true, my dear Rentroll/ remarked Charlotte, ' and 
 if the gentlemen will only retire for a few minutes, 1 will soon 
 satisfy Mrs. Holdfast, and the servant girl that I have behaved so 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL, 263 
 
 rudely to, as she says ; but I only kissed her lips, upon my 
 veracity, that I have a right to wear a petticoat !' 
 
 " Holdfast and Rentroll immediately retired, when, in the 
 course of a minute or two, the landlady and Nancy came laugh- 
 ing out of the room, asserting, ' Sure enough, it is a lady, and 
 a finer woman/ said Mrs. Holdfast, ' I never saw in my life, I 
 am quite in love with her/ 
 
 How many pictures of one nymph we view, 
 All how unlike each other, all how true ! 
 What then ? let blood and body bear the fault ; 
 Her head's untouch'd, that noble seat of thought : 
 That, nature gives ; and where the lesson taught, 
 Is but to please, can pleasure seem a fault. 
 
 " ( I hope you are now satisfied, Mr. Holdfast, you have no 
 more doubts on the subject V 
 
 " ' Perfectly satisfied, sir, and I can only express my astonish- 
 ment but hope ' 
 
 " ' Not another word/ replied Rentroll, ' instead of bringing 
 an action against you for false imprisonment, only keep the 
 secret, and Charlotte and I, (not Jack Summersett,) will stay 
 and dine with you ; therefore, order the best dinner that can be 
 procured from the nearest tavern, with plenty of champagne, 
 also, every thing in season : spare no expense, and I will pay for 
 it. Over our glass of wine I will relate the whole of the spree, 
 for it was nothing else but a spree from beginning to the end 
 of it. I will likewise make you a present for your trouble and 
 uneasiness, occasioned by the lady on her entrance into your 
 house. The girl also shall not be overlooked in the settlement/ 
 at the same time calling the servant maid to him : * remember, 
 my dear, there is a punishment for those who kiss and tell, so 
 let your lips be sealed for ever on this subject/ 
 
 " ' I will be as silent as death, sir/ replied the girl, ' respect- 
 ing the kisses ; but in case of any future attacks, it seems I 
 must be doubly on my guard, in case, a right arnest man might 
 assume the garb of a female, and mischief might be done to me, 
 before I could help it !* 
 
 " Holdfast, from his long experience in the capacity of a lock- 
 up house keeper, was determined to make the most of his guests 
 during the time they remained under his roof, and also to pro- 
 long their stay, if possible ; and a better judge of human nature, 
 according to the opinions of his own fraternity, did not exist 
 among the whole mob of bailiffs and their followers. He, there- 
 fore, lost no time in giving orders for a most expensive dinner, 
 all the delicacies of the season, a fine dessert, with wines of the 
 richest quality ; besides, a good understanding existed between 
 Holdfast and the tavern-keeper, the former being allowed what 
 is termed & feeling out of every article brought into his house. 
 
 " Rentroll was in high spirits on the occasion that he had once 
 more the possession of his dear Charlotte, and the latter, was 
 
264 THE PILGRIMS F THE THAMES 
 
 not a jot behind him in rendering- the scene pleasant, that liberty 
 and pleasure were ag-ain at her command. Holdfast, full of 
 mirth and spirits, acted the amiable to the life ; eating- and 
 drinking- at the expense of other people, and also putting- monev 
 into his pocket at the same time. Towards the rich, rog-ues, or 
 any other persons, who could spend money in his house, he was 
 a complete fawning- sycophant, and the most accommodating 
 creature alive. But to the poor and needy, whom cruel distress 
 broug-ht to his residence for a short period, he had the character 
 of being- the most hard-hearted man of his calling-. 
 
 " Upon the removal of the cloth, Rentroll pushed the bottle 
 about rather briskly, and called upon Holdfast for a toast ! 
 
 " * You shall not wait long- for one I could mention names, 
 but no matter, here's g-ood luck to those persons who will not 
 pay their debts until they are compelled !' 
 
 " i Ha ! ha ! ha ! what a strang-e toast/ observed Charlotte, 
 ' then I shall never have any luck, if that is the case, for I have 
 a great aversion to being- in debt ; and I always pay on demand, 
 sometimes before hand/ 
 
 " ' Yes, m'am, that's all very rig'ht, if you like to do so/ re- 
 plied Holdfast ; c but 1 am anxious to take care of the main 
 chance, or in other words business' 
 
 " ( I should very much like to hear an explanation of your 
 toast, Holdfast/ said Rentroll, ' for I have always heard it laid 
 down, as sound arg-ument, that those persons who would not 
 pay their debts without compulsion, were allied to dishonesty !' 
 
 "' Honour, honesty, and integrity, are principles which I very 
 much admire, as principles/ observed Holdfast, ( and they oug-ht 
 to be taug-ht as precepts at every school in the king-dom ; but 
 WE cannot live by them. Honest men are of no use to us. If 
 all the men in the world were honest, we must starve, and the 
 disciples of John Doe and Richard Roe, would not be able to 
 boil their pots. But, observe me, sir, I arg'ue this matter as a 
 bailiff anxious to obtain business, for a most useful, if not respect- 
 able, class of men. Therefore, sir, I hope you will not write 
 me down as a dishonest man. Besides, sir, there are a number 
 of characters in this great Metropolis, who would sooner pay 
 sixty shilling's in the pound, than discharge a just debt when 
 demanded ! Therefore, I repeat, but without offence, that 
 honest men are of no use to Bill Holdfast !' 
 
 " At all events/ replied Charlotte, ' there is a great deal of 
 candour about your remarks.' 
 
 "A few more glasses of wine made Holdfast quite eloquent, 
 and he related several anecdotes respecting- many persons who 
 had been residents in his house ; f And if you have the time to 
 spare/ said he, ' a day or two would not be thrown away, and 
 your hours pass rapidly, the scenes in a lock-up house are often 
 worthy of observation ; besides you, my lady and gentleman, 
 although the key would be turned upon you, confinement would 
 
IN SEARCH OP THE NATIONAL. 265 
 
 not be the result. I will give you an instance : an artist of 
 some celebrity, exceedingly thoughtless and extravagant, who 
 was arrested, and brought to my house, was in my custody 
 for a fortnight, before his business was settled ; and during that 
 time he felt himself so much at his ease, and quite at home, that 
 he did not like to quit my roof. In the course of a short time 
 afterwards, to prevent any duns becoming troublesome to him, 
 for he was one of those persons who could not keep out of debt ; 
 he would only pursue his studies when dire necessity stared him 
 in the face, and then, he would not allow himself sufficient time 
 to finish any of his pictures. He proposed to board and lodge 
 with me; and he paid me liberally for the accommodation. 
 I accepted the artist as an inmate, and found him a most interest- 
 ing and pleasing companion at all times, and he used to laugh 
 heartily to his associates whom he could trust with his secret, ob- 
 serving at the same time, ' You see I am always now in trouble, 
 but never in GRIEF !' ' 
 
 " ( Every man to his taste,' observed Rentroll, f but the look 
 only of iron bars is too much for me ; however, as time is on 
 the wing, and we are anxious to be at home, let ushear the 
 song you promised us !' 
 
 " ' You shall have it directly, sir/ replied Holdfast 
 
 My name's Sam Snatch, a grab, d'ye see, 
 
 Never vas a bolder ; 
 Vith high and low I can make free, 
 
 And tap 'em on the shoulder. 
 Vender I call, they're not at home, 
 
 Such shy cocks, only mind 'em ; 
 But ven to lodge vith me they come, 
 
 Then I knows vere to find 'em, 
 
 Fol de dol, de diddle dol, de, da. 
 
 To quod, I never make 'em trip, 
 
 Vile they can come it freely ; 
 And if they stand a handsome tip, 
 
 I uses 'em genteelly : 
 'Mong bucks of fashion I have plied, 
 
 They found me sly and cunning ; 
 And often, ven my nibbs they spied, 
 
 Lord, how I set 'em running. 
 
 Fol de dol, de diddle dol, de, da. 
 
 " The time, at length arrived, when Rentroll and Charlotte 
 left the residence of Holdfast without the office being search- 
 ed for Detainers. The latter, by this time, was quite tipsey, 
 and full of hic-coughs, and when bidding good night to his liberal 
 guests, he observed to Charlotte, that he should be happy to see 
 her again, as often as she thought proper, either in the character 
 of a lady or a gentleman. Rentroll and Charlotte soon after- 
 wards arrived at their own domus, not at all angry at what had 
 occurred, when the latter observed' ALL'S WELL THAT 
 ENDS WEU-I'% 
 
 -2 N 
 
266 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 Strolls on the water a tour anything ,- or rather, days of 
 observation by the PILGRIMS; a boat excursion Stop 
 where it suits you ! Go where you like ! Stay as long as 
 you please ! after the manner of the sailors idea upon the 
 subject: any port in a storm? The "NATIONAL!" 
 every thing in the mind of MAKEMOXEY: an argument in 
 favour of the BANKS OF THE THAMES, respecting their 
 connection with history, politics, fne arts, literature, the 
 drama, 8fc , including a host of " Great Creatures of by- 
 gone days!" A spree a bit of fun an anecdote. How to 
 astonish a landlord; a-row-a-way party to escape the 
 reckoning. " It must be them ! No, it ain't ! Yes it is ! 
 No, I am wrong I Very much like 'em I At all events, 
 they look more like thieves than horses !" FLOURISH' stale; 
 nay more, a fact ; in which are exhibited the feelings cf 
 gratitude, the value of friendship, and the purity of uncon- 
 querable love ; realizing the adage, better to be born for- 
 tunate than rich. Names not necessary, yet a reference to 
 the London Directory, might, if the cue was obtained, put 
 the matter beyond all doubt. But MYSTERY is effective ; or 
 the characters of MARPLOT and PAUL PRY, would become 
 dead letters, and be put upon the shelf. " Oh, the joys cf 
 angling" a fishing party a bite : the DOG Jish ! Cver- 
 board he went ! A splashing match with the Eton boys ,* 
 MAKEMONEY in the water ; not drowned ; a cooler and a 
 complete ducking ! Those who play at bowls must expect 
 rubs. The pleasing sound of Bow I ells to the ear of a 
 cockney ! 
 
 " THE more I visit old Father Thames, the more I am delight- 
 ed with my native country " observed Makemoney, " the in- 
 roads of war can never interrupt its peace and happiness ; and the 
 simple peasant sits down contented by his fire-side with the 
 blessing's ofliberty attendant upon every meal ; other countries 
 cannot make such a boast. Whether the object of your pleasure 
 may be directed, either above or below bridge, you must be im- 
 pressed with its attractive situation ; therefore, my brother 
 Pilgrims, I have no doubt, will acquiesce with me in favour of 
 my NATIONAL feelings on the subject." 
 
 " True to the echo," replied Flourish, " and I have heard it 
 observed, that the history of a river, is the history of whatever 
 appears on its BANKS ; from Metropolitan magnificence to 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 267 
 
 village simplicity ; from the habitations of king's to the hut 
 of the fisherman , from the woody brow, which is the pride of 
 landscape, to the rare plant that is only known to the eye of 
 the botanist. In addition to which, the recollection of past and 
 present times are equally animating- to the mind of the tourist !" 
 
 " Unanimous carried unanimously !" cried Sprightly, " the 
 Thames, as a river, must appear of the very first importance in 
 the eyes of every Englishman ; hut to foreigners, a complete 
 astonishment to behold, borne on the tide, below bridge, the 
 active fishing boat,the gentleman's yatcht, and the noble man-of- 
 war, the pride of old England, and the envy of the world ; to- 
 gether with the busy hum of trade and merchandize. I do not 
 possess talents enough to describe the animating scene ! And if 
 not so striking a feature above bridge, yet the noisy wharfs, well 
 filled warehouses, splendid mansions, venerable seats, the 
 scattered hamlet, the lonely farm, and the high elm trees, are 
 pleasing pictures of the rustic soil." 
 
 '' Excellently described, my brother Pilgrims," said Make- 
 money, in raptures ; " every word you have uttered has been like 
 a cordial to my heart ; besides, the names associated with the 
 BANKS of the THAMES, are enough to claim a reverence from 
 all the lovers of history, politics, literature, the fine-arts, the 
 drama, and every thing calculated to raise the character of 
 human nature, and give importance to the country that gave us 
 birth. Is not the spot dear to us, where THOMPSON wrote his 
 seasons ; also the the residence of the poet of a thousand years 
 POPE, where he translated Homer ; composed his delightful 
 poem of Windsor Forest 
 
 Thy forests, Windsor ! and thy green retreats, 
 At once the monarch's and the muse's seats, 
 Invite my lays ! 
 
 and may be added the birth-place of EDMUND GIBBON, the 
 author of that splendid work, the ' Decline and Fall of the 
 Roman Empire/ Besides, the lovers of liberty will always reve- 
 rence a spot where the glorious revolution of 1688, was planned, 
 in a vault, in Hurley House, the seat of Lord Lovelace/' 
 
 " I do not profess to he much of an historian," replied Flourish, 
 "but let me add the name of Lord Bolingbroke, that great mas- 
 ter of men and books, of whom, it is said, he possessed the wis- 
 dom of Socrates, the dignity and ease of Pliny, and the wit 
 of Horace ! The residence of another great character, who not 
 only made the world ' look about them abroad ;' but also the 
 people at home OLIVER CROMWELL, was once on the 
 Banks of the Thames." 
 
 " Neither shall my praise be wanting to do justice to the 
 favourite spot of my school-boy days and delight," said Sprightly, 
 " I have been informed that the celebrated Dr. DEE, in the reign 
 of Elizabeth, selected Mortlake as his residence, and so great 
 
2G8 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 was his thirst to obtain information and to be of service to man- 
 kind in general, that he only allowed himself four hours out of 
 the twenty-four from his studies two to sleep, and two for re- 
 creation. COWLEY, the poet, likewise selected a retired spot 
 close to the Thames, for his retreat. It was also where the 
 haughty, proud, overbearing Cardinal Wolsey dwelt, who car- 
 ried his notions of grandeur to such an extent, before he present- 
 ed Hampton Court to Henry the Eighth, that he had two hun- 
 dred and eighty silken beds, besides suitable hangings, in order 
 to impress on his visitors, and the people, the pomp and magni- 
 ficence of his palace, and extent of his riches : but he was a 
 memorable instance, in his own person, that * Pride should 
 have a fall !' " 
 
 " If taste' 9 urged Makemoney, " has any weight in the spots 
 chosen for the residences of the members of the fine arts, the late 
 SIR JOSHUA REYNOLDS was so much delighted with the view 
 of the river, and the prospect from his window, that he produced 
 a most exquisite painting of Richmond Hill. In 1300, it was 
 called Sheen, and had a palace. Edward the Third died there, 
 in 1377. Also, Richard the Second's queen ; which he took 
 so much to heart, that he left the palace, which then went into 
 great decay. Henry the Fifth restored it ; but in 1498, it was 
 burnt down. It was rebuilt, in the finest style of architecture, 
 by Henry the Seventh, who bestowed his family name of Rich- 
 mond, upon it. Henry the Eighth frequently visited it ; and it 
 was a favourite residence of Queen Elizabeth, who died there. 
 It, however, fell into decay, and in the last century was entirely 
 removed. The Countess of Northampton, the Duke of Queens- 
 bury, and the late Wiltshed Keene, Esq., had houses built on 
 a portion of the site which occupied ten acres of ground. The 
 remains of GAINSBOROUGH, one of the brightest" ornaments of 
 the Royal Academy, are buried in the church yard at Richmond. 
 SIR PETER LILY, one of the greatest portrait painters of his 
 day, dwelt the latter part of his time, and died at Kew. HUDSON, 
 the painter, if he did not acquire so distinguished a name as his 
 competitors, it was, nevertheless, in his school that Sir Joshua 
 Reynolds learned his art. And HOGARTH, one of the greatest 
 creatures in his peculiar line, whose scenes of men and manners 
 upon paper, are perfect dramatic representations in their way, 
 and have acquired, for Hogarth, an immortality in the temple 
 of fame : his ashes lie buried in Chiswick church-yard. The 
 Banks of the Thames have also been distinguished for private 
 theatricals at Brandenburg House, under the direction of the 
 Margravine Anspach, &nd the actors and actresses were lords and 
 ladies. The late Dowager Lady Craven, was a female of great 
 eccentricity, talent, and notoriety. She was authoress of seve- 
 ral works, besides plays ; the Margravine altered the comedy of 
 ' She would, and she would not !' and performed the part of 
 Hypolita. She was also a great traveller, and made the tonr of 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL, 269 
 
 the continent; and at Constantinople the Grand Sultan paid her 
 great attention. Her last work was under the following singular 
 title ' Anecdotes, Modern and Ancient, of the Family of the 
 Kinkervandotsdarsprakengotchderns !' " 
 
 " I think, sir/' said Flourish, " that I am correct in stating" 
 that RICHANDSON, the novelist, wrote the life of Sir Charles 
 Grandison, on the Banks of the Thames ; and that celebrated, 
 but unfortunate statesman, Sir Thomas More, and Bishop 
 Lowth, of classic erudition, selected their dwellings upon the 
 above spot !" 
 
 " In point of architectural beauty," said Sprightly, f( I have 
 been told that the Duke of Devonshire's villa at Chiswick, 
 would not disgrace the banks of the Arno or Tyber. No mat- 
 ter, but the elegance of stone and brick work, melts, like snow 
 before the sun, when CHELSEA COLLEGE appears to the view 
 and feelings of an Englishman ; it does honour to its founder 
 James the First. Four hundred men are amply provided for in 
 it, exhibiting the soldier's tear of gratitude, when he is enabled 
 to make a halt in the downhill of life. To shoulder his crutch 
 and talk over seiges manly endured, dreadful breaches made, 
 the forlorn hope, and imperishable conquests obtained. Where 
 also many an Uncle Toby, and lots of Corporal Trims, have 
 heaved a sigh for the loss of some gallant comrade, or dropped a 
 tear at his departure, who might, otherwise, have proved another 
 General Wolfe. 
 
 Come fire a volley o'er his grave, 
 
 Dead marches let us beat ; 
 War's honors well become the brave, 
 
 Who sound their last retreat. 
 ALL must obey Fate's awful nod, 
 
 Whom life this moment warms : 
 Death soon, or late beneath the sod, 
 
 Will ground the soldier's arms. 
 
 Such a place as Chelsea College, is only to be met with on the 
 Banks of the Thames." 
 
 " Not in the whole world beside," cried Makemoney, knock- 
 ing his stick with, great animation, against the ground, in proof 
 of his love towards that truly NATIONAL feature : " but it ought 
 not to escape our memory, as lovers of dramatic talents, that the 
 celebrated Mrs. CATHERINE CLIVE, of whom it is said, * If 
 ever there were a truly comic genius, she was one ;' perhaps, 
 never equalled, but never excelled, and sketches in her hands be- 
 came highly finished pictures ; retired, and died on the above spot. 
 COLLEY GIBBER, equally distinguished in the annals of the 
 stage ; Lord Dorset, the Lord Chamberlain at that period, said of 
 him ( That for a young fellow to show himself such an actor, 
 and such a writer in one day, was something extraordinary ;' he 
 dwelt, at one period of his life, at Strawberry Hill. This distin- 
 guished residence afterwards became the property of HORACE 
 WALPOLE, the author of the ' Castle of Otranto,' and from whose 
 
270 THE PILGRIMS OF THfi THAMES 
 
 private press several other important works were issued. Also, 
 the English Roscius, the immortal DAVID GARRICK, Esq., who 
 united the poet, the actor, and the gentleman in the same per- 
 son.* The Right Hon. CHARLES JAMES Fox, one of the most 
 illustrious statesmen of his own, or any other period, and parallel 
 with Demosthenes, as an orator ; all of them dwelt upon the 
 Banks of the Thames !" 
 
 " Oxford, sir, the first University in the world, and of an im- 
 mense antiquity/* said Flourish, " seems to have escaped your 
 notice ; it is, connected with the river, and a seat of learning for 
 at least a thousand years. Now, my old friend, if you can furnish 
 us with any of the sprees of those gents, termed Oxford scholars, 
 they might not only enliven your remarks, but set the table in a 
 roar. It should seem they have often distinguished themselves 
 in several rowing matches on the Thames, with more zeal to be- 
 come the winners of the contest, than exerting themselves to ob- 
 tain a degree. Although they have not been wanting to prove 
 themselves tolerably good Wranglers upon the water." 
 
 " The Oxford scholars are rather dangerous subjects to med- 
 dle with at any time," answered Sprightly, " therefore we had 
 better leave them to pore over their black-lettered folios to en- 
 lighten the community, and turn our thoughts to matters of 
 another description. The Banks of the Thames, it appears, 
 have been dedicated in the olden times to the meeting of lovers. 
 The celebrated DEAN SWIFT, an author of immense power, as a 
 satirist, a politician, and a high churchman, stole a few hours 
 now and then, from severer studies, to enjoy the company of his 
 STELLA, and talk of love. She was daughter of the steward 
 of Sir William Temple. Such conversations, if they could have 
 been handed down to the present period, might have been of the 
 most essential service to the love-sick Romeos* and the all con- 
 fiding Juliets' ! Nay, invaluable ! A reverend Dean in love ! 
 
 * The following anecdote never before appeared in print : Garrick and Sir 
 Joshua Reynolds, were in a large party, at the house of a gentleman in West- 
 minster ; and being all assembled in the drawing room, previous to dinner, the 
 daughter of the host, quite a child, came bounding into the room, unconscious of 
 any person being present, but immediately stopped short, finding herself amongst 
 several gentlemen entirely strangers to her ; several of the company endeavoured 
 to coax her forward, but she hesitated for some time, looking about her, and sur- 
 veying the whole of the group. After a minute or two had elapsed, she ran up to 
 Garrick, who had a waistcoat on of a shot silk of bright colours. Sir Joshua, in 
 a playful mood, observed " Ah ! Miss, I see what made you prefer that gentle- 
 man, his pretty silk waistcoat attracted your attention." The child immediately 
 answered "No, indeed, it was not that." Sir Joshua still persisted that it was 
 the silk waistcoat, and said, "If it was not that, what made you run to him 
 first ?" " It was his EYES," answered the child with seeming rapture. The 
 company were highly amused to see Garrick immediately afterwards seize the 
 child in his arms, and almost smother her with caresses. The child in question, 
 is now the mother of a family, and resident in the Metropolis. The Gentleman's 
 name was ASTLE ; and the family well-known for its respectability both in India 
 and London. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 2J1 
 
 and that person of no less importance than Dean Swift! 1 
 should think, uncle, that the copyright of such a book, a 
 rnanuel for sweethearts/ would soon have paid the amount of 
 its purchase money from its immense sale. Ha ! ha ! ha !" 
 
 " You might have added another, and a greater personage to 
 your list/' said Makemoney, " the fair ROSAMOND ; and not 
 lost the clue neither. Woodstock is connected with the Thames. 
 " Great doubts are entertained respecting the exact mode of her 
 death ; yet there are none about her beauty. It is said that the 
 Queen of Henry the Second, who went, full of jealousy and rage, 
 to kill her detested rival, yet, was so struck with her great 
 Beauty, that she paused, and gazed upon fair Rosamond for seve- 
 ral minutes before she administered the cup of poison. 
 
 " I have little more to say on the subject/' replied Flourish, 
 "but I should not like to pass over in silence, MR. PHILLIPS, 
 the author of the ' Splendid Shilling/ a poem that used to de- 
 light me very much for its regularity and spirit when I was at 
 school : 
 
 ' Happy the man, who void of care and strife, 
 
 In silken, or in leathern purse retains 
 
 A splendid shilling.' 
 
 Likewise JACOB TONSON, the book-seller, (originally a footman- 
 in-livery I believe) but afterwards, the proprietor of Down Place, 
 a name connected with that constellation of genius, which, at one 
 period, illuminated the literary world, in connection with the 
 celebrated Kit-Cat Club, of whom Dr. Johnson, Garrick, 
 Oliver Goldsmith, Sir Joshua Reynolds, &c. were members." 
 
 " And my last words on the pleasing subject are, persons who 
 have been born and dwelt on the banks of the Thames," 
 said Sprightly, " that Cromwell, the son of a blacksmith, who 
 afterwards became Earl of Essex, from his splendid talents, 
 through the patronage of Cardinal Wolsey ; yet, from his inte- 
 grity and love of truth, was beheaded by the order of Henry 
 VIII; and West, the son of a baker, an unruly, naughty boy 
 at school, changed in so extraordinary a degree as to have been 
 created Bishop of Ely, and considered, for the remainder of his 
 life, one of the most wise and pious prelates that adorned the 
 bench. A convincing proof that at any period of English his- 
 tory, a man, with the possession of talents, may rise to the high- 
 est offices in the state, without any disparagement to his birth." 
 
 " In fact, my worthy brother Pilgrims, we might go on ad 
 infinitum, the Banks of the Thames afford such a prolific source 
 for great names and amusements connected with the River," 
 urged Makemoney, '* Chelsea alone would fill volumes. Rane- 
 lagk at one period, fifty years ago, it is said, was the climax of 
 elegance and fashion, a superior place altogether far, very far 
 above Vauxhall, and all the places of resort in or near the Me- 
 tropolis. People of the first rank and consequence in the state 
 were its principle visitors; and few persons felt courage enough 
 
2/2 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 to show themselves at Ranelagh their dress, manners, and 
 behaviour were so soon detected as belonging- to an inferior 
 class of society. To shew the estimation the above place was 
 held in by the lower orders, the cook, in * High Life below 
 Stairs,' when she is asked which place of entertainment she 
 will go to ; her reply is, ' Ran-ne-law for my money !' 
 
 " But the times are very materially altered since that period/' 
 said Flourish, " I heard Mr. Matthews, a few years ago, in 
 the lively farce of ' Hit or Miss P sing a song, in which I 
 recollect the two following lines : 
 
 ' The Peer and the Prentice, they dress so much the same, 
 That you cannot tell the difference, excepting by the name.' 
 
 " You must not forget, sir, the Red House," urged Sprightly 
 to his uncle "which has been such a favourite place of resort for 
 the last few years as I do not think we ought exactly to lose 
 sight of the Moderns ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! I have seen some extraor- 
 dinary shooting matches between Lord Kennedy, Mr. Osbal- 
 deston, Capt. Ross, Lord Ranelagh, &c. I well remember to 
 have seen a Mr. Arrowsmith, on a penny piece being thrown up 
 in the air, to have put in it, above one hundred shots/' 
 
 " You are quite in order," replied Flourish, " and you now 
 remind me of another rather prominent feature connected with 
 the Banks of the Thames a celebrated tavern, both in the 
 olden, and times of a more modern date, where the celebrated 
 Colossus of Literature, and the author of the^Vicar of Wakefield 
 used frequently to unbend in company with other great wits, 
 and men of first-rate talents the COAL-HOLE. It still 
 keeps up its name for the resort of men of abilities ; although 
 somewhat of a different class in society ; but nevertheless, 
 entitled to the character of CHOICE SPIRITS ! I must say that 
 I have spent many pleasant evenings at the Coal-Hole, with 
 gentlemen of the press, authors, actors of note, composers, men 
 of the world, merchants, and some first-rate vocalists, affording 
 that variety of company, in which, Time might be said to fly. 
 Most certainly, it has not a board outside of the door, as I have 
 seen at some inns, 'good entertainment for man and horse:' 
 yet the 'feeds' are excellent, served up well : and the entertain- 
 ment good ; the glee-singers also of the first reputation ; and 
 the comic songs, several of which are from MSS. quite a treat ; 
 and to echo the words of mine host, (Mr. Rhodes) that ' dull 
 care' is not to be met with at the Coal-Hole, except in the shape 
 of a chant. The proprietor of the tavern is a musician, sings a 
 good song, and well calculated, from his knowledge of society 
 in general to amuse his patrons : and is likewise a punster of 
 the highest grade. Puns escape from his lips, nearly as fast as 
 he fills the glasses with liquor, ' I don't know the origin of my 
 sign/ said he, when asked by a precise old gentleman, who said 
 the allusion was a very odd one, ' but this I know sir, that the 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 273 
 
 fire of intellect attached to it, is not kept up without plenty of 
 Cole !' Soon after KEAN made his appearance in London, a 
 society was established at the above tavern, under the title o? 
 ' the WOLVES !' the members of which, carried their zeal to such 
 an extent in favour of the great tragedian, that it was dange- 
 rous for any new performer to make his appearance in the Metro- 
 polis, in the character of Richard the Third/' 
 
 Turf, who had remained silent during the whole of the 
 above remarks, with a smile on his countenance observed, 
 41 deep research does not belong to my book ; or, chronological 
 events ; but perhaps, it is worthy of your notice, that the late 
 Lord Barrymore of extravagant, theatrical, and sporting noto- 
 riety, treated the bargemen upon the Thames with flagons of 
 Rhenish wine, according to his notions of things, f to make 
 them men of Taste.' " 
 
 " The watermen are waiting for you at the bridge sir," an- 
 nounced the servant, "and they say you are all right for the 
 tide, but the sooner you and the gentlemen are afloat, the 
 better/' 
 
 " Tell them we shall be on board immediately ;" replied 
 Makemoney, "so let us be off, brother Pilgrims to enjoy our 
 stroll upon the water. The phrase has an odd sound, I admit 
 but what I mean is, that not having any direct object in view we 
 can either dine at Chelsea ; sup at Richmond, Twicken- 
 ham, or elsewhere/' 
 
 *' Nothing can be more welcome to all of us, I think," said 
 Flourish *' therefore, let us make ourselves at home at every 
 place where we sojourn/' 
 
 The Pilgrims were soon under the care of the watermen, and 
 Makemoney again, on his delightful Thames, quite enraptured 
 frith the picturesque scenery and objects by which it was sur- 
 rounded, " I have heanj the banks of the Clyde admired ; the 
 river Lee, with a beautiful country on each side of it, flowing 
 towards the cove of Cork ; and the lakes of Killarney, highly 
 praised as incomparable ; but nevertheless, I say there is no- 
 thing like the THAMES, take it for ' all in all/ And 1 agree 
 with Pope to the extent of his description :" 
 
 No seas so rich, so gay no BANKS appear, 
 No lake so gentle, and no spring so clear : 
 Where tow'ring oaks, their growing honors rear, 
 And future NAVIES on thy shores appear. 
 Happy the man, whom this bright court approves, 
 His sov'reign favours, and his country loves : 
 Happy next him, who to these shades retires, 
 Whom NATURE charms, and whom the muse inspired. 
 
 " Bravo ! bravo !" said Sprightly. 
 
 In the course of the day, Makemoney pointed to a house 
 which caught his eye, observing, " it remind me of a circum- 
 stance, when I was a youth, under twenty years of age, during- 
 
 2o 
 
274 THE PILGRIM! OF THE THAMES. 
 
 an excursion with a boat party on the river. Most of the com- 
 pany were audacious dogs indeed for frolic and fun. 
 
 " The boat was an eight-oared cutter ; and the sitters and row- 
 ers consisted of about fourteen persons. We landed at the 
 above house, partook of refreshment, drank a variety of liquors, 
 smoked our pipes, and no persons could have felt more happy 
 than ourselves. One of the party, Jack Robinson, the foremost in 
 ail sorts of mischief, proposed that during- the absence of the 
 waiter, we should all get off in the best manner we could, 
 without paying the reckoning-, and come back on some future 
 day and discharg-e the amount of the bill." 
 
 " The idea was adopted instantly ; the whole of us being" 
 inclined for the joke." 
 
 " There was little difficulty in getting off unperceived the 
 room was situated at the end of the garden, fronting- the river, 
 with an ascent of steps but at some distance from the tavern. 
 The company walked off by degrees- and during the absence 
 of the waiter, who had received an order to replenish the whole 
 of the glasses with liquor ; the remainder of the boat's crew 
 were off like lightning ; and never did any cutter leave the 
 shore in quicker style. Before the waiter returned to the room, 
 the boat was out of sight ; but the crew could scarcely follow 
 the strokesman for laughing, at the surprise the waiter would 
 feel on his entering the room to find the whole of the company 
 had bolted." 
 
 " We were quite strangers to the landlord ; and the circum- 
 stance was a standing joke with us in London for several weeks; 
 therefore, he had not the slightest clue to our directions. It 
 served likewise, a tale for the landlord and his servants to all 
 the different boat-parties that visited the tavern afterwards 
 and a variety of comments were passed upon the subject, com- 
 ing under the terms of dishonesty, trick, fraud, and shabby in 
 the extreme." 
 
 " When the circumstance had subsided for a little time, and 
 the landlord and his waiter had rather cooled about the run-away, 
 or rather the row-away boat's party, Jack Robinson collected 
 the whole of the same company together, and again started for 
 the room alluded to ; but previously begged of his companions, in 
 the strongest manner, to put on the most demure faces possible; 
 and not to betray the slightest hint of the former circumstance. 
 After landing, and taking their seats exactly, as well as they 
 could recollect, on the previous occasion, Robinson rang the 
 bell, and upon the waiter entering the room for orders, he 
 started back with astonishment: 
 
 Like Garrick's Hamlet's, frighted ghost he stood ! 
 
 and appeared quite confused: he would have taken to his heels 
 immediately, to have acquainted his master, if Robinson had not 
 have spoken sharply to him, saying, ' Waiter, you do not seem 
 to pay attention to my orders ?' 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 
 
 c ' k Yes sir but I I I' 
 
 " ' But what/ replied Robinson. 
 
 " The waiter, on quitting- the room, muttered to himself ' it. 
 must be the chaps that bolted from here some time ago, with- 
 out paying- their reckoning-. I ani sure it is them. However, I 
 will tell my master what I think about it.' He immediately 
 communicated his suspicions to the landlord, who returned with 
 the waiter to take a synopsis of the party : when considerable 
 whispering's took place between them, as to the best manner of 
 conducting- themselves towards the suspicious persons, in case 
 they might be mistaken ; and wavering- in their minds, to charg-e 
 the party with their bad conduct. However, they let it pass 
 over for a short time, but when the next order was given to 
 replenish the g-lasses, and something to eat, ' no, by Heavens,' 
 said he to his waiter, ' I will not stand it a second time ; there- 
 fore, tell them I shall not send any more liquor without paying 
 for it on delivery,' and quitted the room in an angry mood. 
 
 " Upon the waiter asking- for the money, * it is our intention, 
 most certainly, to pay what we call for ; but send your master 
 to us/ said Robinson, ' we do not like to have this affront upon 
 our honesty/ 
 
 " On the arrival of the landlord amongst them he again scru- 
 tinized the whole of the party, with a most penetrating eye. 
 But their general appearance of respectability, seemed to defy 
 anything like dishonesty. Robinson, in a pompous style, asked, 
 ' what doubts have you, sir, respecting our characters ?' 
 
 "'None!' replied the landlord, 'yes no, yes I have; 
 no, no yes, it must be ! Both of us can't be mistaken. I am 
 suspicious .' 
 
 " ' Suspicious !' the whole of the boat's crew rising up indig- 
 nantly. ' Do you wish for a good ducking in the Thames, Mr. 
 Host, rnd afterwards well kicked to dry you ? we are not to be 
 traduced with impunity. So have a care .' 
 
 "The landlord being thus surrounded, and being assailed with 
 so many loud voices, felt some little intimidation on the subject 
 and a sort of confusion in his ideas, whether he had not bet- 
 ter make an apology for what he had said, and drop the matter, 
 than to make a direct charge against them for having quitted 
 his house without paying their reckoning. However, screwing 
 his courage to the sticking place, he said, * I am rather in a 
 dilemma ; and I do not wish to give any offence ; but there was 
 a company of gentlemen no, not gentlemen but ." 
 
 " ' Be on your guard ! Mind what you say, sir/ from all the 
 party. ' No unwarrantable allusions.' 
 
 '"Well then/ continued mine Host, 'a party of thoughtless 
 young men whether for a lark or, a bit of fun I know not. 
 But they forgot or, I supposed it escaped their memories, to 
 pay the reckoning.' 
 
 " ' Aye! that is nearer the mark/ said Bill Blunt, ' hear him 
 out, give the sinner fair play.' 
 
THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " ' Do you mean to assert then/ asked Jack Robinson, that we 
 are the party that went off without paying- our reckoning- V 
 
 " ' I will not take my oath of it/ replied the landlord, * but 
 you cannot hurt me for thinking that I am right/ 
 
 " A loud burst of laughter followed the last sentence, and Jack 
 Robinson, holding- out his hand to the landlord, in token of 
 friendship, said, ' you are right, my friend, we are the party 
 that bolted ; but it orig-inated in a bit of fun, the lark has been 
 answered ; and if you will pardon us for the pain we have put 
 you to send in your bill, and it shall instantly be discharg-ed. 
 Neither shall the waiter be neglected ; nay, more, we are deter- 
 mined to have a dinner here, merely to establish the anecdote ; 
 and also to convince you, that we are better than we look 
 to be.' 
 
 " I shall never forget that dinner/* observed Makemoney, "; if 
 I were to live for a thousand years ; none of the party were 
 capable of returning home that night by ivater, they had made 
 themseves so very jolly with the large portions of wine they 
 swallowed, to make amends to the landlord, and drinking suc- 
 cess to * the bolters !' " 
 
 The Pilgrims were perfectly free, and easy in their move- 
 ments dininjg at one place, drinking tea at another ; and enjoy- 
 ing all the picturesque variety of the scene, until the shades of 
 evening compelled them to retire from the watery element : 
 Let India boast her plants, nor envy we 
 The weeping amber, or the balmy tree ; 
 While by our OAKS, the precious loads are borne, 
 And realms COMMANDED which those trees adorn. 
 
 The supper over, and the grog upon the table, " we cannot 
 have a better opportunity, Flourish," said Sprightly, " than the 
 present, for the anecdote you promised us ; and as we are well 
 aware that you are a man of gallantry, and met with many 
 adventures in your time, it is not too much, to expect something 
 spicy from you, connected with society, in its gayest 
 moments." 
 
 " I must acknowledge, our friend Makemoney, has never lost 
 tight of the NATIONAL during our pilgrimage/* replied Flourish, 
 "Sprightly has also entertained us with the ' White Lady of 
 Kew/and Mr. Turf, most interestingly occupied our time with 
 the extraordinary adventures of the * Match-girl/ therefore, I 
 have no objection, with your leave and attention, to introduce 
 to your notice, a slight sketch of ' PULL-AWAY JACK OF THE 
 FERRY !' connected with old Father Thames ; but there is no 
 touch of the Frankenstien about it, no ghost, or apparition to 
 excite horror and fear, and nothing else but a down-right 
 matter of fact substantial story, connected with flesh and blood: 
 but with this d iflference, the match-girl was without a heart; a mere 
 machine ; a vile piece of clay ; and only the outline of a woman. 
 Howe>er, the young lady, that I have to describe, was all ten- 
 derm-^, all SOUL, with love of the purest description, apprcciat 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 277 
 
 ing- kindness offered to her, tremblingly alive to honour, and 
 knew the value of constancy, but then she was a modest 
 female : 
 
 A women's seen in private life alone 1 
 
 " By all means/' replied Turf, i( variety is, at all times, sure 
 to please us, so no more preface, but proceed without delay." 
 
 '* Respecting- the birth, parentage, and family connections of 
 ' Pull-away Jack/ " said Flourish, " 1 candidly confess, I am 
 totally in the dark ; and so was every other person, I believe, that 
 ever knew him. He was too young* to give any account of him- 
 self. He dropped from the clouds as it were. But the fact is, 
 Jack was picked up, soon after daylight, one morning, close 
 alongside the ferry, at Twickenham. He could cry lustily, 
 smile now and then, and call out dad, dad, and mam, but no- 
 thing more ; the clothes he had on him were tolerably decent, 
 but not the slightest clue remained as to his unnatural parents. 
 
 " In after days, whenever his origin was enquired into by in- 
 quisitive persons, lots of whom are to be found in every parish, 
 who delight to pick a hole in a man's coat if it answers their 
 purpose, that Jack was a love begotten child, a natural son a 
 by blow or, in the vulgar, course phrase of the illiterate and 
 unfeeling a bastard ! 
 
 The child, who many fathers share, 
 Hath seldom known a father's care 1 
 
 " Little Jack, it appears, was first discovered by an old 
 bargeman of the name of honest Joe Morris, who had overslept 
 himself, and was hurrying towards his craft, to make up for lost 
 time, when his career was suddenly stopped by the crying of a 
 little child. Joe lost sight of business in an instant, and imme- 
 diately went up to him. The bargeman was the father of a large 
 family ; and proverbially known in the neighbourhood as a good 
 parent, a kind husband, a steady friend, arid an honest man. 
 ' How came you here/ said he, ' so early, my little one, this 
 morning?' But the boy was too young to answer the question, 
 and cried incessantly. 
 
 Come on, poor babe I 
 
 Some powerful spirits instruct the kites and ravens 
 
 To be thy nurses ! Wolves and bears, they say, 
 
 (Casting their savageness aside), have done 
 
 Like offices of pity 1 
 
 " * Hard lines !' exclaimed Joe, ' what unfeeling brutes there 
 must be in the world, to desert their offspring at such a tender 
 age to starve, perhaps, to die, for what they care/ Then clench- 
 ing his fist violently. ' D n me, if I had but the father and 
 mother of this poor child here, I would pay no respect to the 
 law, but I'd give them such a sound drubbing for their brutal 
 conduct, that they should not be able to leave their beds for a 
 month, and remember it the longest day they had to live. 
 
 " ' What's to be done, I am behind hand with my work, and 
 
THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 time is precious. D n the work! 1 could not find it in my 
 heart to leave this poor baby to starve and die unheeded ! No, 
 nor 1 will not/ taking the baby up in his arms and kissing- it ; 
 * you are a pretty fellow, and business must give way for a short 
 time, when our humanity is put to the test. I am a father. 
 Thank God, I know what are the feelings of a parent, and I will 
 not disgrace them. I will return home to my wife. Old Bess 
 is not one of the best tempered women in the world; but never- 
 theless, she has got a tender heart. I expect to be well blowed 
 up by her at first, b.ut she will soon afterwards melt into the 
 mother. Well, never mind, I will vun all risques ; I always have, 
 and always shall cherish the notions that * good deeds are never 
 ill-bestowed/ ' 
 
 " Old Joe hurried back to his cottage with the child in his 
 arms, and upon entering the doors of it, he said to his wife, 
 ' Here, Bess, I've brought a present for you. I found this poor 
 little fellow in the fields crying ready to break his heart, and no 
 one near him. His forlorn situation touched my feelings, and I 
 could not pass him by. I am sure his unfeeling, brutes of parents, 
 have left him, either to perish, or to be picked up by some per- 
 son and sent to the parish/ 
 
 '" You need not have been so officious, Joe, what is every 
 body's business, is nobody's business,' answered his wife, rather 
 angrily ; ' therefore, you had better have minded your work, as 
 you know you are behind hand with it ; and have left it to 
 somebody else, who has more time on their hands, to have taken 
 care of the child. Besides, you know we are too poor to do any 
 thing for the neglected baby; we have already, too many- 
 children of our own. We can scarcely get bread for them.' 
 
 " * What, Bess, do you refuse this poor child house room,' 
 replied Joe, almost getting into a passion ; ' you do not mean it, 
 I am sure. Suppose now, you had lost one of your children, 
 only lost one of your boys or girls, what would you say to any 
 person who took care of them for a short time, until they found 
 out their parents ?' 
 
 " ' Say not another word, Joe/ said his wife, taking the boy in 
 her arms ; i he is a pretty fellow. Give him house room, aye, 
 bread and butter too, and a bed, if he should want it. But I 
 have no patience ray curses attend on all such wretches ! who 
 could leave such a sweet boy unprotected in the wide world ; 
 but the punishment of God will overtake them in their 
 wickedness !' 
 
 "'Give me a kiss, Bess/ replied Joe, joy sparkling in his 
 eyes ; ' take care of the boy till 1 have finished the job, and 
 then we will see what can be done for him.' 
 
 " ' He shall want for nothing during your absence, Joe/ said 
 his wife in a tone of voice that indicated true feeling ' I am a 
 mother ." 
 
 " ' Thai's enough/ urged Joe, and took to his heels as fast at 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. *27^ 
 
 he eould to make up for the time he had lost ; his mind was now 
 at rest, he felt that he had done his duty, yet, that he had only 
 performed the dictates of humanity, and while he was tugging' 
 at the oar up the river, he appeared so pleased with what he had 
 done, that he sung" a few lines of one of the late Charles 
 Dibdin's songs, with a zest that he had never felt before : 
 
 I'm called honest Ben, but for what I don't know, 
 
 I only, d'ye see, do my duty ; 
 'Tis every one's place to lighten the woe 
 
 That presses down virtue and beauty 1 
 Why gold was first made, I can't tell to be sure, 
 
 To learning not being addicted ; 
 Unless it was made to cherish the poor, 
 
 To comfort and aid the afflicted ! 
 
 " 'Perhaps/ said he/ this little fellow, should I live to see him 
 grow up to manhood, may, one day or another, thank old Joe 
 for giving him a little succour in the hour of need ! But if he 
 does not, no matter, I have the consolation to think that I 
 acted like what every father would have done in the same 
 situation/ 
 
 " Old Joe worked double tides, as the watermen say, to get 
 his job finished, that he might return home to ascertain the fate 
 of little Jack. In the course of two or three days he found 
 himself at his own fireside, and was delig'hted to see the little 
 foundling, playing with his children near his hearth. ' This is, 
 as it should be/ said Joe, ' I knew, Bess, you was right at the 
 core, right as a trivet. Your heart was always in the right place, 
 and I shall love you for your motherly conduct to the little 
 stranger, better, much better, than ever I did in the whole course 
 of my life/ 
 
 " ' Did I not tell you, Joe, that I was a mother !' answered 
 Bess, ' and I have taken such a liking for the poor boy, that I 
 shall not like to part with him, and I am only sorry that we are 
 so very poor, and our family so large, that we cannot make room 
 for him/ 
 
 " ' We are poor indeed/ said Joe, ' I feel it keenly at this 
 moment ; but I will go immediately to the overseers of the 
 parish, and take the child with me. I will relate the particulars 
 of my finding him to Mr. Halfloaf, who is not a hard-hearted 
 fellow upon the whole ; and beg of the latter to see the found- 
 ling well done by/ The boy, as a matter of .course, was received 
 into the workhouse, bills and advertisements were put forth, 
 offering a reward for his unnatural parents, in order to bring 
 them to justice. But all in vain, no clue could be obtained, or 
 explanation given on the subject ; the overseer and church- 
 wardens, therefore, put down in their books Jack-of-the- Ferry, 
 as one of their bad bargains; but determined to turn him to 
 some account when the opportunity offered. 
 
 " ' Old Joe and his wife, never lost sight of little Jack during- 
 
280 THE PILGRIM* OF THE THAMES 
 
 his abode in the workhouse, and called, with a parental care, 
 frequently to enquire after his improvement and welfare ; giving 
 him halfpence, apples, and other little presents to please his 
 mind and make him comfortable. This conduct towards littie 
 Jack produced a kindred feeling 1 between them, he called old 
 Joe his father, and Bess his mother ; and he expressed more 
 attachment to them, than any other persons in the world. He 
 grew apace a nice child, and in spite of his mean apparel 
 workhouse clothing 1 , there seemed something* about his person, 
 that betokened better thing's. 
 
 "Personal appearance is, g-enerally, considered one of the 
 greatest recommendations in life ; respecting 1 its existence there is 
 no denial, however difficult it may be accurately to define! 
 Dress that man in the best manner you can, is frequently the re- 
 mark, and he will never look like a gentleman. You will like-- 
 wise hear it said, that lady has the appearance of a duchess : her 
 attitude is commanding 1 , her appearance prepossessing, and her 
 genteel air and carriage, speaks for her, without the aid of a 
 trumpeter to announce her qualifications, that she is a female of 
 superior pretentions. Also, such and such a child belongs to a gen- 
 tleman, lam sure, his looks are so very different from other boys ; 
 so it occurred with Jack, although in his very humble, nay, low 
 occupation and condition in life ; yet, there was a certain some- 
 thing about him altogether, which attracted the attention of a 
 number of persons en passant, that they could not account for. 
 But it is an every day feeling in society. 
 
 "In the course of a few years, when quite an urchin, he got 
 tired of the confined limits and rules of the workhouse, and with- 
 out taking any thing like a formal leave of the officers of the 
 institution, he left them to seek his fortune in the wide world. 
 The banks of the Thames was the first spot of ground that pro- 
 duced him a halffjenny, amongst the boatmen in the character of 
 ' Jack-in-the-watcr /' 
 
 " At the period alluded to, he might have been compared to a 
 duck, as he nearly lived in the river ; the expense of shoes he 
 avoided, and a hat was of little account with Jack, his feet were 
 scarcely ever dry, arid his head frequently endured the 'pitiless, 
 pelting storm/ But the rude elements did not appear to annoy 
 him ; use, it is said, becomes second nature. In process of time 
 his frame was like iron, he possessed prodigious strength, but he 
 never used it improperly to irritate or ill use any person ; in dis- 
 position, he was tractable, and inoffensive as a lamb. The world 
 was almost a blank to him : and he, therefore, from this chasm 
 in his mind, endeavoured to make every man his friend. In 
 truth, Jack was a true child of nature: he was poor and content, 
 and the luxury, wh'ch riches affords to the opulent man, were 
 unknown to his feelings. He always appeared satisfied when 
 he got a belly-full by his industry, and it is not unlikely but he 
 ate his cms!, with more happiness than did his monarch ! 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL 281 
 
 "The designation of' PULL- AWAY/ was given to him by the 
 watermen, from the readiness he displayed when a passenger 
 wanted a boat in a hurry, and which might have been at some 
 distance from the shore ; his exertions were so great, that he 
 would scarcely allow himself time to breathe, he rowed with 
 such rapidity to earn a penny. The watermen calling out to him 
 * Pull-away Jack, here's a gentleman to be off! pull-away! 
 pull-away !' But the overseers of the parish had him christened, 
 being a foundling, JACK TWICKENHAM ! 
 
 " His knowledge of men and manners was all acquired in the 
 streets, or upon the banks of the river, as they crossed his path, 
 therefore, observation, it might.be read, rather than tuition. He 
 listened to the stories of the watermen, when unemployed, for 
 this class of society have their jokes and quaint sayings, like 
 people of different grades in society ; and who also ' argufy the 
 topic ' about the things going on in the great world, since 
 the march of intellect has made such rapid progress in tho 
 minds of most men, with an earnestness of feeling commensurate 
 with their betters. 
 
 " Time and tide wait for no man, according to an old proverb, 
 and year after year rolled over Jack's head, with little improve- 
 ment in his finances, or situation ; however, poverty did not 
 stint his growth, and he obtained the appellation of a good 
 looking, athletic lad. Fortune had never given him the shadow 
 of a purse ; but Nature had been bountiful to him in the ex- 
 treme, as a finely proportioned young man ; and had Jack have 
 had the chance of having a suit of clothes made for him by those 
 splendid apparel furnishers a Stultz, or a Nugae, who dress up 
 so many nothings into something like the shape of men by the 
 ingenuity of art and padding, the odds might have been in ti.s 
 favour, that he would have been taken for a man of more impor- 
 tance in the eyes of the population than the meagre, apologies, 
 phantom-like, appearance of beings, who are classed as people 
 of fortune and fashion. 
 
 " But, although he might have been called a sturdy John Bull 
 sort of fellow, yet, he was never taunted with being a grumbler. 
 ' All I want/ said he, when consulting old father Joe, on tho 
 subject, ' is plenty of customers to the boats, and that Jack-in- 
 the-water should come in for the pence ! I have hitherto con- 
 trived to make a tidy living by putting THIS and THAT together, 
 and never refusing any sort of job, heavy or light, so that it pro- 
 duced the cash/ 
 
 " ' That's the right mode, my boy/ answered old Joe, e be a 
 good lad, something will turn out for you, by and by, when you 
 least expect it. You work very hard it is true, but it is a long 
 lane that has no turning/ 
 
 " Old Joe Morris was looked up to as a bit of an oracle, amongst 
 the bargemen and watermen on the Thames, and at the public- 
 house door on a fine summer's day, along side of the river, when 
 
 2 P 
 
282 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 no work claimed his attention, or during a long 1 winter's night, 
 when stories beguile the time over their pots of porter and 
 glasses of grog-, if old Joe couldn't spin a yarn as long-, or with 
 as much talent as T. P. Cooke, in Black-eyed Susan, he, never- 
 theless, could tell some tougj-h stories. 
 
 " Old Joe was also an arbitrator upon many knotty points res- 
 pecting- rowings-matches, and other events connected with the 
 River Thames ; and his decisions generally gave satisfaction. 
 He was a kind of stud-book, in his own person a racing, or 
 rather a rowing calendar, upon the water. The pedigrees of 
 all the crack-watermen were at his fingers ends he knew all 
 their bearings their different styles strength and aquatic 
 sporting tricks equal to a Crockford or a Bland upon a Race- 
 course. He was a lively companion, Joe could sing a good 
 song in short, his character went before him, that he was a 
 fine, jolly, kind-hearted fellow, and ready to do a good turn, 
 whenever it lay in his power ; and in his peculiar situation in 
 life JOE MORRIS was looked upon as a hero. He was quite 
 the idol of <; pull-away Jack," the latter did not think there 
 was half such a clever fellow as his old father, in the world : 
 
 All these to hear : 
 
 Would Twickenham Jack seriously incline; 
 But still the boat affairs would draw him hence, 
 Which ever as he could, with haste dispatch, 
 He'd come again, and with a greedy ear, 
 Devour up old Joe's discourse. 
 
 " But an unexpected, accidental circumstance took place, in 
 favour of Jack which not only took him out of the water, but 
 ultimately made a man of him. His high courage and human- 
 ity, were his recommendation to fame and fortune. Well may 
 it be said, that from f little causes, great events arise.' 
 
 " It should seem, that some dashing young sparks, who had 
 been dining at Richmond and who had also taken too much 
 wine after it, nay, were completely inebriated ; and quite inca- 
 pable of conducting themselves with propriety, on the land ; 
 much more with correctness on the water, and to render it 
 worse, altogether amateur rowers. In their violence and stupi- 
 dity, and quarrelling amongst themselves, they struck against a 
 boat, in which were seated, an elderly gentleman and his 
 daughter, with such force, as nearly to upset it. 
 
 " This rude, ungentlemanly conduct, produced a strong 
 remonstrance from the old man, to the youngsters in the eight- 
 oared cutter: high words immediately ensued between them ; 
 the young lady became frightened hastily left her seat in the 
 scuffle fell overboard, and was nearly drowned. 
 
 " The agony and exclamations uttered by the old gentleman, 
 on seeing his only child in the water, and in -danger of losing 
 her life, cannot be portrayed : they were of the most heart-rend- 
 ing description. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 283 
 
 " Jack, on witnessing the accident, plunged into th river, 
 with the rapidity of lightning: he could swim like a iish he 
 soon came near the spot and caught hold of the young lady, 
 just as she was sinking, and nearly exhausted. He held her 
 with one hand and with the other, made his way safe to the 
 shore, ran with his charge to the nearest tavern called the land- 
 lady and maid-servants then darted off again, with the celerity 
 of a greyhound for a medical man ; he returned to the tavern, 
 with the doctor, and soon had the satisfaction to learn, that the 
 young lady had recovered, in some degree, from her exhausted 
 state, and was likely to do well. 
 
 " The father also, upon ascertaining the report to be true, 
 could not contain his joy, ' Brave, young fellow/ said he, 
 ' you have recalled me from the grave ! I should have died 
 broken-hearted: I am sure I never could have survived her 
 loss. It is impossible that I can ever repay you as you deserve 
 in my estimation to risk your own life, to preserve my dear 
 child. Here, take my purse/ 
 
 " 'Lord bless you, sir/ replied Jack, * there was no risk about 
 my life ; I have only done my duty towards a fellow-creature. 
 I can swim twice, three-times as far as I went, with ease ; and 
 you are quite welcome : but if you can spare a trifle for poor 
 Jack-in-the-water, that will satisfy me, kind ST, and I will 
 thank you kindly/ 
 
 "'A trifle for poor Jack/ said the old gentleman, ' I will 
 make you a rich Jack. I am indebted to, you for the future 
 pleasure and happiness of my life. 1 will make it the best 
 day's work you have ever done, since you was born. Here is 
 my purse, and accept whatever sum is in it you merit every 
 reward that I can bestow upon you. Tell me who you are ; 
 what is your calling ? that I may better your prospects in lifo. 
 My daughter, when she is able to see you, shall make an 
 acknowledgment for your humane exertions, in her behalf/ 
 
 " ' I am a very poor young man, sir, with no other recom- 
 mendation, that I knew of, sir, but my honesty ; and am 
 anxious to get a living in the best manner I am able. I never 
 had a father, and mother/ 
 
 " ' Not that you remember, perhaps/ replied the old gentle- 
 man, { left an orphan, I suppose/ 
 
 "' Yes, sir/ said Jack, ' you are right, I never knew them, 
 nor any body else that I could call a relation : I am quite alone 
 in the world. I get my bread out of doors, by the side of the 
 river ; but may God bless you, for your generosity to a 
 poor lad/ 
 
 "'Well, never mind what you are I will be a friend to 
 you ; and if your conduct hereafter merits my esteem, I will be 
 as good as a father to you. In the first place, leave your call' 
 ing ,- and with the trifling sum you may find in the parse,, buy 
 
284 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 yourself some decent apparel ; and, in the course of two or 
 three days, call at my house in towu. Here is my direction, 
 handing- his card over to Jack. ' MR. RUTHERFORD, Dowgate 
 Hill:' where I shall be g'lad to see you,' at the same time, grasp- 
 ing- the hand of Jack, with great warmth of friendship. The 
 latter made a scrape with his foot, a nod with his head, some- 
 thing like a bow, and took leave of his benefactor. 
 
 " Upon the return of Jack to his wretched hovel of a lodging", 
 he emptied the contents of the purse and to his astonishment, 
 his sparkling eyes beheld ten pounds. He could scarcely be- 
 lieve what he saw; and he counted them over and over again, 
 before he could satisfy himself with the amount. Jack lost no 
 time in buying- himself a suit of clothes two shirts, of a better 
 texture than had ever covered his back a hat and everything 
 requisite to give him a tidy, if not a respectable appearance. 
 
 " In his new * rig out/ he went for the opinion of his old 
 father, Joe, before he would venture to show himself at the 
 house of Mr. Rutherford * How do I look in my new clothes?' 
 said he, ( I should not like to disgrace the house of the g-entle- 
 man, who has behaved so kind to me.' 
 
 te ' Look, my boy, at all events, like a man/ answered Joe, 
 delighted in the change of circumstances of the poor foundling 
 child, that he had picked up at the ferry. c But never mind 
 your locks don't get proud and whatever g-ood fortune awaits 
 you never let change of circumstances make you forget your- 
 self. 1 think, saving- the young lady's life, may do for you, 
 more than you expect, Her father is a rich man, and may get 
 you a good place in the Docks, or the Custom-House. So keep 
 your weather-eye up, my boy/ 
 
 " At the appointed time, he presented himself at the mer- 
 chant's door, and enquired with the greatest submission, not to 
 say, accompanied with fright and apprehension, as to the recep- 
 tion he might meet with from Mr Rutherford and his daughter. 
 Jack gave a single knock at the door : or rather, no knock at all, 
 but of the description which the late George Colman states, 
 * as if the knocker, by chance, had slipped through his 
 fing-ers ]' 
 
 "Upon the servant opening the door to him, he scraped his 
 foot, and bowed with the greatest modesty and diffidence. The 
 servant seeing- Jack was a novice, and a poor man, with an 
 air of authority, asked his business, and what name he should 
 tell his master. 
 
 " * Pull-a way-Jack,' he replied, with a bow almost to the 
 ground. 
 
 " ' Pull-a way-Jack !' echoed the man-servant ' Ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 What an odd name ! I never heard of such a one before. You 
 must be mistaken in the house. My master is too much of a 
 gentleman to know such a person. So Mr. Pull -a way- Jack, 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL, 285 
 
 you had better try it on somewhere else. I should be afraid to 
 take up such a name to my master. Ha ! ha ! ha ! pull-away- 
 Jack, indeed.' 
 
 " Such a reception confused the poor fellow, beyond des- 
 cription : after some hesitation, scarcely knowing- how to act, 
 Jack said, ' be kind enough, sir, to inform your master, it is 
 one, Jack Twickenham from who / 
 
 " ' I tell you again, my good man, you must be mistaken. 
 What business can you have with my master? He is a very 
 particular gentleman ; and my orders are very strict, not to 
 admit any person to him, without he has some knowledge of 
 them/ 
 
 " ' Yes, sir,' replied Jack, ' he does know there is such a per- 
 son : but I am quite a stranger to him. I only saw him two or 
 three days ago ; but he gave me his card, told me to call upon 
 him, and here it is/ 
 
 " ' Aye, aye, that alters the case! you are right, my friend, 
 and I will take it to my master. So come in, and remain in the 
 hall, while I go to Mr. Rutherford/ Upon the livery-servant 
 approaching his master, he observed, with a supercilious grin 
 on his face, ' Here is a man, below stairs, sir, who calls himself 
 Pull-away-Jack, wishes to see you ; but I did not like to admit 
 him/ 
 
 '" And why not, sir?' I wish you was only half as good a 
 man, or, lived so much in my memory, as Pull-away-Jack. 
 Let me have no more impertinence, but shew the person up to 
 me, immediately/ 
 
 (< ' I beg your pardon, sir, what I did was for the best/ 
 
 " ' Well, then/ said Mr. Rutherford, ' behave better in future ; 
 as it is my desire, that every person, who comes to enquire after 
 me, may be treated with proper respect/ 
 
 " ' Who would have thought this pull-away- Jack was a man 
 of so much consequence,' observed the servant, muttering to 
 himself, in a whisper, as he quitted the apartment of his 
 master. 
 
 " Jack's knees positively knocked together, he felt so much 
 embarrassed, upon entering the elegant drawing-room of Mr. 
 Rutherford, which the latter perceiving, said, < compose your- 
 self, my noble fellow/ Shaking him heartily by the hand. * I 
 am very glad to see you, sit yourself down, and make yourself 
 as comfortable, and as easy in your mind, as if you was at home. 
 I feel myself very much indebted to your courage and human- 
 ity ; and I am anxious to promote your interest. What can I 
 do for you V 
 
 " ' I am thankful, sir, for your kindness already : I arn well 
 paid. Had the person have been a beggar, and in the same 
 danger, I should have felt it my duty to have exerted myself to 
 save the life of a fellow creature. It was neither trouble, risk, 
 nor danger to me/ 
 
% 2S6 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " ' Well said, my brave young man ; I applaud your notions/ 
 said Mr. Rutherford, ' you can read and write, I suppose V 
 
 " ' Yes sir, a little/ answered Jack, ' I can write my own name, 
 and another word or two, which Old Joe, the bargeman taught 
 me, with a piece of chalk upon a hoard, when I had nothing 
 else to do by the side of the river. In return for Old Joe's 
 kindness, I used to run of errands for him and his family. He 
 has been very good to me and many times he has filled my 
 belly, when I must have gone without. Several times, sir, in 
 my life, I have been without the means to buy a bit of bread/ 
 
 " 'Poor fellow ! poor fellow !' escaped from the lips of Mr. 
 Rutherford, with a sigh, ' that shall never happen again, while 
 I live. You must improve yourself, both in reading, and wri- 
 ting, as fast as you can ; and you shall not want for instruction. 
 I have got a place for you, in my establishment/ 
 
 " ' God bless you, sir/ replied Jack, ' I will pray for you the 
 longest day I have to live : and you shall find me a grateful, 
 and trusty servant/ 
 
 " At this juncture, entered Miss Rutherford, a very fine, pre- 
 possessing young lady ; who, if she could not be called a beauty, 
 her amiability of character was beyond all praise : ' Here, Ma- 
 ria, my dear/ said her father, ' is the young man who saved your 
 life! I told him to call and see me ; and that you should thank 
 him I mean, reward him / 
 
 " ' Thanks, my dear father ! Thanks !' replied Maria, ' would 
 be a very inadequate reward, to the man who saved my life. 
 But I do thank you, sir/ addressing Jack, ' in the warmest man- 
 ner that my feelings are capable of conveying to you ; so sin- 
 cerely do I value your intrepidity. I know it is my father's 
 intention to better your condition in life ; and he will provide 
 you with a situation, that will enable you to live like a respect- 
 able man in society/ Then taking a very handsome silk purse 
 out of her reticule, with numerous pieces of money in it, pre- 
 sented it to Jack ( I beg your acceptance of this trifle, to pur- 
 chase any little things that you may stand in need of but the 
 purse, I hope you will keep, as a remembrance for saving the 
 life of a fellow creature/ 
 
 " Jack had not the slightest idea of the fine-looking female, 
 which Miss Rutherford now appeared to him, when he had her 
 in his arms, in the water, rescuing her from a watery grave 
 her countenance then, was as pale as death her wet clothes 
 clinging to her person rendering her an object of pity that 
 he could scarcely believe it was the same person, added to the 
 penetrating tones of the voice of Maria, and the warmth with 
 which she addressed him ; to assert he looked bashful shy 
 confused foolish, would not be half strong enough, to convey 
 his real situation, and feelings, to the reader. 
 
 " Jack had never been in such company before in his life. 
 He could not articulate a word, in return for the kindness and 
 
VN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 287 
 
 condescension which he had received, both from the father, and 
 daughter his tongue positively forsook its office ; but after 
 some little time, he. faintly articulated, ' I I I am but a poor 
 ignorant young fellow, Miss ! I do not know what to say. I 
 am rewarded by your kind-hearted father, and yourself, much 
 more than I required. 1 am satisfied, and I thank you, over 
 and over again. But for the purse,' looking at it, and put- 
 ting it to his lips, with a sigh that spoke volumes ' I never 
 will part with it, but with my life.' This act of gallantry, 
 the effects of nature let it be either one or the other, 
 made his fortune. 
 
 " Jack's mode of distinguishing the value of the purse, touch- 
 ed the feelings of Maria, in a way that she could not have con- 
 templated, ignorant as he might have been in the ways of the 
 world, still there was eloquence about the transaction. 
 
 " ( I have a little advice to give you, young man, nay, a re- 
 quest/ observed Maria, with one of the most pleasing and per- 
 suasive tones ever uttered by any female ' that is, to be very 
 circumspect in your conduct. Be particularly attentive to my 
 dear father's instructions. The world you are now about to mix 
 with is a very dazzling one, a different sphere altogether to what, 
 hitherto, you have been acquainted with, and you must take care 
 not to be deceived by the shadows instead of the substance. My 
 father will have you instructed by clever and patient tutors ; 
 and so much interest do I feel in your future prosperity, that I 
 will hear you repeat your lessons, whenever you think proper to 
 ask me, in order that not a minute may be lost towards your 
 capability to fill the situation which my father is about to con- 
 fide in you; also, your improvement as, a young man, and a re- 
 commendation to the good circles of society.' 
 
 " To have answered this delightful, most grateful creature, and 
 the excellent advice given him by Miss Rutherford, might have 
 shaken to the centre a much more experienced man than Jack. 
 He blushed, stammered, bowed, looking up to the ceiling of the 
 room, then down upon the floor, squeezed the rim of his hat 
 almost to pieces unknowingly, his eyes full of tears ; in short, 
 description, however accurately penned, must fall short of 
 the confused portrait of Pull -away Jack in the presence of Miss 
 Rutherford. At last, almost blubbering, he said, ' I will do my 
 best to please you and your father, miss, it is my duty to do so.' 
 Then turning aside to wipe away the drops which were fast 
 stealing down his iron cheeks ; such are the effects of kindness 
 and generosity, where NATURE reigns paramount. 
 
 " * I will provide a comfortable lodging for you, near to my 
 house/ said Mr. Rutherford to Jack, 4 and will also allow you 
 a sufficient salary to render you respectable. You shall not want 
 for my assistance, neither towards acquiring a good knowledge of 
 accounts. For the first part of your servitude you will only have 
 to attend upon me ; until I find you capable of fulfilling a better 
 situation in my establishment. However, I will point out to you 
 
"288 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 in the clearest manner the thing's, or business, that you wilt have 
 to transact, and I am not afraid but you will answer all my 
 wishes/ 
 
 " Jack expressed his gratitude to Mr. Rutherford, and felt as 
 light as a cork. The happiness which now seemed to surround 
 him, gave him new life, a second creation ; he became, as it were, 
 regenerated, and to all intents and purposes, quite another sort 
 of being. 
 
 " Jack entered upon the lodgings provided for him by his 
 master, without delay, and the tailor of the latter, had orders to 
 furnish him with a good suit of clothes, he, therefore, commenc- 
 ed his new career with no traces about him of his previous low 
 condition in life. He was immediately placed under the requi- 
 site tutors to bring him forward as fast as possible, in order that 
 he might be of service to himself and to his patrons. They were 
 also requested to be patient with him upon all occasions, in 
 consequence of his education having been totally neglected, and 
 to explain every thing in the most clear and forcible mode in 
 their power, that he might comprehend thuir meaning with ease 
 and facility. 
 
 " Jack, who had been so long obscured in the walks of igno- 
 rance, and most likely, if the above fortunate accident for him, 
 had not occurred, he might have remained in the dark, as 
 to acquirements, all his life. His eyes were rapidly opened 
 with surprise, unto the delightful subjects which were present- 
 ed to his view ; and he was determined to improve the chance 
 which now displayed itself so favourably to himself. He had 
 always been of an active mind, although he had not had the op- 
 portunity of improving it. He, therefore, listened with raptures 
 to the instructions which were given to him daily, his improve- 
 ment was great, his tutors were pleased with Jack's exertions 
 and attention to their precepts, and his master was equally 
 satisfied with his conduct. But Miss Rutherford was more than 
 delighted with his quickness and perception, her views respect- 
 ing Jack, were of another description, that will be clearly 
 seen at a future part of the story, which might be out of place 
 to develope here. 
 
 " Time rolled on pleasantly, and every minute was most sedul- 
 ously employed by Jack to render himself of importance to his 
 patron ; he entered into all the spirit of the thing, and the incal- 
 culable advantage it might be to him at some future day, were 
 the uppermost thoughts in his mind. 
 
 " In a short time his readings were considered tolerably good, 
 his writing plain and distinct, united with quickness ; but his 
 knowledge of accounts, of which he seemed to be remarkably 
 fond, rather astonished the whole of them, which endeared him 
 to his master in so great a degree, as to make him a sort of con- 
 fidential servant in ^noney transactions. He was also, eminently 
 indebted to Mr. Rutherford for an insight into those intricate 
 matters for a novice to comprehend. 
 
4| IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 289 
 
 " But no one took so much pains with Mr. Twickenham, for 
 that was the appellation he had acquired at the house of his 
 benefactor, as did Miss Maria Rutherford. The improvement in 
 his person, dress, manners, conversation, &c., were equally rapid ; 
 nay, in so great a degree, that it would have been a libel to have 
 made a comparison between Mr. Twickenham, of Dowgate Hill, 
 and ' Jack-of -the- Ferry ,' so immense was the change altogether. 
 But the secret of the ferry remained as close as possible within 
 the hearts of the lather and daughter. 
 
 " Maria had heard him repeat his lessons, looked over, and 
 corrected, his writing- for him, opened his eyes to a clear and 
 distinct view of well-bred society in all its bearing's ; and to her 
 great satisfaction, found, that not a single w r ord she had ever be- 
 stowed upon him, in the form of instruction, but had indelibly 
 been treasured up in his mind. But Miss Maria Rutherford before 
 she could dismiss it form her bosom, found out that her pupil, her 
 preserver, as she called him, was essential to her happiness by 
 another title ; she never told her love, it is true ; neither did 
 she ' conceal it in the bud/ yet any person conversant with the 
 family might have perceived with half-an-eye, who was the 
 object of her choice ! The poor, but distant Jack-of-the- 
 Ferry ! 
 
 " There is little doubt but the latter saw it, and felt the pas- 
 sion with as much warmth as the love-sick Romeo ; but then, he 
 also felt, by comparison, his low origin and dependant state, 
 when put in competition with Miss Rutherford, that it might be 
 said of Jack, ' He pined in thought ' with hopes that never 
 could be realized. 
 
 " With a sightly person, a handsome fortune, and the only 
 daughter of a rich merchant, it cannot excite any surprise that 
 Miss Maria Rutherford in the bloom of youth, had a host of 
 suitors aspiring to obtain her hand. Her father was continually 
 assailed with offers to become the 'happy man!* Several of the 
 proposals to wed his daughter were of the most undeniable nature 
 in every point of view, but his answers to all of them e The 
 happiness of my daughter is nearest my heart ; I will give her 
 my advice on that most important event of her life, respecting 
 her choice of a husband ; but I will not use any thing like com- 
 mand, she shall be entirely free, and I am not afraid of her dis- 
 cretion, or judgment. Then I cannot be blamed : nor ill-nature, 
 or selfish motives be levelled at my conduct !' 
 
 " All her suitors were rejected, and when pressed very closely 
 on the subject by her admirers, her answer to one and all, was 
 ( That she had made up her mind not to change her situation 
 for several years :' in consequence of which declaration, they 
 were all dismissed with politeness and respect. 
 
 " The frequent intercourse which Twickenham had with 
 Maria, arid with the permission of her father, was likely, in the 
 end, to produce a much stronger attachment than applies to the 
 
 2 Q 
 
290 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 term of friendship ! A young lady reading- to a gentleman, also 
 pointing out to him a mode of life for his happiness , or vice 
 versa, a gentleman acting upon the same principles to a female, 
 often leads to the hymeneal altar. We read in Richardson's 
 celebrated novel of Sir Charles Grandison, that the highly ac- 
 complished Baronet taught Clementina to read English, and ad- 
 mire the beauties of Shakspeare ; at the same time, she lost her 
 heart imperceptibly, and which had nearly led to tragical 
 consequences. Therefore, it will not cause anything like astonish- 
 ment to assert, that Miss Maria Rutherford was less invulnerable 
 to the charms of love than her sex in general ; or, that Twicken- 
 ham was incapable of bowing to the powerful influence of 
 NATURE ! 
 
 " Doomsday, perhaps, might have arrived before the latter 
 could have urged his suit, his own inferiority stared him too 
 strongly in the face, he might have been spurned for his pre- 
 sumption, and he could not have broken silence in the character 
 of a lover, admitting Maria to have been the sole object of his 
 wishes. Twickenham had often and often expressed his grati- 
 tude, in the strongest manner possible, for her attention and 
 kindness to promote his interests: and gratitude, it is said, is one 
 of the stepping stones to love. His courage in every other 
 point of view, might have been classed with a NELSON ! 
 
 " He weighed all these things in his mind, one rash step 
 an offer of his hand to the daughter of his patron, might have 
 blasted all his future prospects in life, driven him from her pre- 
 sence, and deprived him of the confidence and good-will of her 
 father. He paused. This must account for his apparent cold- 
 ness ; yet this forbearance, on his part, added to the humility of 
 his behaviour, when contrasted with the warmth which Miss 
 Rutherford evinced for him, at length, secured his happiness, 
 made him, not only a happy fellow, but a man of some weight 
 in the eyes of his country, and the founder of a family ! 
 
 i( It has been laid down, as an argument, by the enlightened 
 part of society, that if an individual possesses a ' strong mind/ 
 and he feels determined to push his fortune if a chance is offered 
 to him, that ' impediments vanish ; and difficulties are over- 
 come.' Cobbett, may be quoted as an instance, he acquired the 
 French tongue while doing duty as a common soldier, in a sen- 
 try box; and ultimately published grammars both in the Eng- 
 lish and French languages ; and numerous other instances might 
 be produced to shew the advantages of perseverance. No 
 sooner did the glorious opportunity present itself to Twicken- 
 ham to extricate himself from misery and poverty, than he em- 
 braced it with the most enthusiastic ardour. A few days only, 
 made a visible alteration in his person and knowledge ; a month, 
 did wonders ; but at the expiration of a year, he had so far ad- 
 vanced in his studies, that, without offending propriety, he might 
 have been viewed as a 'rising young man!' True, he, Jack, 
 
IN SEARCH OP THE NATIONAL. 291 
 
 had, what is termed, the stuff about him., to become a prominent 
 feature in life ; but at one period of his career, the mere antici- 
 pation of such an event, would have been laughed at, and put 
 down, as ' building- castles in the air !' 
 
 " The inherent good qualities of Twickenham, soon began to 
 display themselves, when he began to feel his way in society; 
 and the remembrance of the kind offices which he had received 
 at various times from old Joe and his wife, when he could not 
 help himself, had fastened so strong upon his memory, that he 
 lost no time in acting upon the old adage, that ' one good turn 
 deserves another/ 
 
 "To the extent of their circumstances, they had behaved to 
 Jack like parents ; and if he did not intuitively feel, towards 
 them, like a child does to his father and mother, according to 
 the ties of nature, his real attachment towaids the bargeman and 
 his wife, was not a jot behind. He had been too well acquaint- 
 ed with extreme poverty, for nearly the whole of his life, and 
 was well aware that they had a large family to provide for with 
 very scanty means : they were also advancing in years, and that 
 a trifling present, now and then, would not only prove accept- 
 able, but, in a great measure, keep ' the wolf from the door !' 
 
 "To the credit of Jack, be it stated, the first few pounds that 
 he had saved from his allowance, he did not forget his old 
 friends at Twickenham. He called to see them, when he could 
 spare the time conveniently ; and although change of. circum- 
 stances had given him the appellation of Mister, also dressed like 
 a gentleman, yet in his respect and behaviour to Old Joe, and his 
 wife, he was still as humble, when he appeared before them, as 
 Jack-of-the-Ferry. 
 
 " He could not do much for them, yet it was a sort of hand- 
 basket fortune to the old folks, for scarcely a week passed but 
 they received a good joint of meat from him, half-a-pound of tea, 
 sugar, cheese, a side of bacon, &c., that made their old hearts 
 leap with joy, frequently accompanied with exclamations, * God 
 bless him, he was always a grateful boy ! He deserves good 
 luck, he matfes such good use of it!' * And I hope, Joe/ said 
 Bess, ' we shall live to see him ride in his carriage ! Ha ! ha ! 
 ha ! what a thing that would be.' 
 
 " But to return to Miss Maria Rutherford, it is true, she might 
 have had some severe struggles with herself respecting origin, 
 family pride, degradation, and the sneers of the world to con- 
 tend against; but atfection true love, had taken such possession 
 of her feelings as to triumph over all bbstacles in favour of 
 Twickenham. But then she wanted the resolution to make her 
 passion known to the object of her choice. Delicacy, and all the 
 refined notions of the sex forbade it. For years she never divulg- 
 ed her situation to her nearest female friend, her pride would 
 not let her make a confidante : but the secret which had been 
 so long confined within her bosom, at length burst forth like a 
 
292 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 rag-ing fire ; her tender frame could not sustain the violent 
 attack. An alarming fit of illness was the consequence ; she 
 was confined to her bed, and her life in danger. The art of the 
 physicians was of no avail ; and her complaint was pronounced 
 out of the power of physic to cure ! 
 
 So holy and perfect is my love, 
 And I in such poverty of grace, 
 That I shall think it a most plentious crop, 
 To glean the broken ears after the man, 
 That the main harvest reaps : loose now and then 
 A scatter'd smile, and that I'll live upon. 
 
 " ' My dear Maria/ said her father, c the medical men, who 
 have attended you, observe that you are not in want of medicines, 
 but something weighs heavily on your mind, which is the real 
 cause of your illness. I have always found you an ingenuous 
 girl, therefore, in me, not only as your father, but friend, con- 
 fide the source of your affliction. Treat me with candour !' 
 
 " Sighs, tears, and convulsive sobs, for several moments, pre- 
 vented Maria from answering' her indulgent parent, ( You have 
 been to me from the moment I was born up to the present 
 period of my life, dear father/ replied Maria, ' generous and 
 liberal in the extreme ; but much as your love for me exists, and 
 the liberality of mind which you have displayed upon the most try- 
 ingoccasions,Iamafraid I tremble forthe consequence, when you 
 become acquainted with the extent of my secret; and that you will 
 tear yourself away from me in anger.' Here she paused for some 
 time. ' I am ashamed to tell you of my weakness, degradation, 
 and want of respect to myself and family. For such, I anticipate, 
 you will call my conduct. My choice is made, and the only 
 man that I can ever give my hand to as a wife. But if you de- 
 cide against me, if it breaks my heart, no one shall know it, and 
 I will keep my sufferings within my own bosom. You shall 
 never hear a sigh escape from my lips ; I will also endeavour to 
 assume a cheerfulness in society although I possess it not. But 
 I will not marry any man, however much I love him, without 
 the free. consent of my father: this resolution I would rather die 
 than swerve from. His name is is is I cannot speak it, my 
 courage fails me/ 
 
 u ' I must hear his name, my child/ replied her father, in the 
 mildest tone ; * Come, compose yourself tell me !' 
 
 " ' His name is is is Mr. John Twickenham/ answered 
 Maria, hiding her face; i my mind, at all events, is relieved 
 from a burthen, if I am not made happy by the declaration 
 of my passion ; but Twickenham is entirely ignorant of it, I 
 have never given him the slightest hint/ 
 
 " This declaration appeared to deprive her father of his facul- 
 ties, and for the instant he stood motionless, when he observed, 
 in a sorrowful accent, ' My poor girl, my beloved Maria, I must 
 own this circumstance seriously affects me, the disparagement is 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 293 
 
 great indeed. It is true, it was my intention to have forwarded 
 his views in society on account of saving' your life ; but I could 
 not have anticipated that I should have been called upon to 
 have given him my daughter ! However, I will not decide 
 hastily, nor harshly on the matter ; such a subject requires great 
 consideration on both our parts, and some little time must elapse 
 before I can give a decisive answer. I am very glad that 
 Twickenham is in the dark upon the matter at issue ; and that 
 you have not made the first advances. I must confess, you have 
 opened your mind to me like a good, prudent girl: and that will 
 have great weight in my decision/ 
 
 " Her father was not one of those flinty-hearted old gentle- 
 men that we see depicted in a novel, or who struts his hour 
 upon the stage, like a raving lunatic, but on the contrary, Mr. 
 Rutherford was a sensible considerate man. 
 
 " In point of argument, there was nothing so very objection- 
 able against the match, if we pass over the obscurity, origin, and 
 want of property on the part of Twickenham, and to a sensible 
 mind, where the happiness of a beloved daughter was at stake, 
 it might be said, he had been some years upon trial, and not found 
 wanting in the scales of quality, either as to manners, sense, or 
 good conduct. Twickenham also had been moulded to their 
 wishes ; he had likewise been taught under their eye all the 
 acquirements requisite for a man to pass muster in the good cir- 
 cles of society. 
 
 " Respecting the weakness, infatuation, gratitude, or love, 
 displayed by Miss Rutherford in making such a choice, and des- 
 cending from her sphere in life, the celebrated Duke of Buck- 
 ingham observed, 'That LOVE, Almighty LOVE, has made 
 Solomon commit idolatry ; David contrive a murder ; and all 
 the world, at some time or other, play the fool !' It is likewise 
 well-known, nay, publicly declared in a court of justice, that the 
 mind of a distinguished military marquis was, at one period of 
 his life, so much overwhelmed with the passion of love, that he 
 rushed at the head of his division, into the hottest fire of the 
 enemy, more like the violence of a madman than the coolness of 
 a general ; and the lady, (the mother of a family,) the object of 
 his wishes, resorted to prayers, day and night, to overcome the 
 power of an unruly attachment towards the marquis, which 
 agitated her bosom: therefore, some little allowance may be 
 made for the amiable Miss Rutherford : 
 
 Things base and vile, holding no quantity, 
 LOVE can transpose to form and dignity : 
 LOVE looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, 
 And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind. 
 Nor hath love's mind of any judgment taste, 
 Wings, and no eyes, figure unheedy haste : 
 And therefore is Love said to be a child, 
 Because in CHOICE he often is beguil'd ! 
 
294 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " Twickenham,, it should seem, was a young- man, of all 
 others, most likely to make the daughter of Mr. Rutherford, 
 happy if love did not reign paramount in his heart gratitude 
 must indelibly have been placed there elevated from beggary 
 to affluence removed from ignorance to a state of sensibility 
 and knowledge, in fact : he was indebted to his patron and his 
 daughter for every thing* in life/ 
 
 " However, Mr. Rutherford was determined to arrive at the 
 truth of the matter in doubt ; and in the course of conversation, 
 one day, observed to Twickenham, as a touchstone of his feel- 
 ing's, ' I think, I could recommend to you an excellent match, 
 whereby you would increase your importance in the eyes of so- 
 ciety ; add riches to your coffers ; arid ultimately, set down in 
 life, happily, and contented ; and the lady I am about to propose 
 to you is of such inestimable value in her own person, as to be 
 worth all the other considerations put together/ 
 
 " Twickenham appeared greatly agitated ; and some time oc- 
 curred before he could make a reply. ' Your offer, sir, I must 
 admit, is a splendid one ; but let me beg to observe, you always 
 instilled upon my mind the advantages of truth ; therefore, with 
 the most respectful deference, permit me to say that circum- 
 stances, feelings nay, a prior attachment, is a prohibition to such 
 a material change in my life, that I should become a miserable 
 being, instead of a happy man/ 
 
 " * Indeed !' said Mr. Rutherford. 'I certainly did not expect 
 such an answer ; but is the lady you allude to, aware of your 
 passion? Is there reciprocity in your love?' 
 
 " 4 The lady is quite ignorant of my attachment ; I never dared 
 to presume to mention it to her. Therefore, I cannot say a word 
 about reciprocity/ 
 
 '" This is candid, fair, and honorable, I must admit,' replied 
 Mr. R. ' Do I know the female in question ? Have I ever seen 
 her; because I might be inclined to say a word or two in your 
 behalf as I am always anxious to promote your welfare V 
 
 " ( You have known the lady for a long time, sir; but I cannot 
 flatter myself that you will give me a recommendation in that 
 quarter ? I do not expect it, however great your kindness to- 
 wards me ! There is an insurmountable bar between us. Be- 
 cause 
 
 " * What ! State your reasons/ said Mr. Rutherford. 
 
 " ' My origin obscurity of birth and very low situation in 
 life, during my earlier years, love always checked my presump- 
 tion, and paralyzed my tongue whenever I was tempted to pro- 
 pose such a match ; and, therefore, the secret of my attachment 
 must, for ever, remain enveloped in my bosom ; and most likely 
 descend with me into the grave/ 
 
 '" Then you will not name the lady V asked Mr. R. 
 
 " ' To refuse you anything*, sir, would be next to an impossbility 
 to me being under so many obligations to your kindness ; but in 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL 295 
 
 the present instance, I cannot dare not I have not the courage ! 
 Your displeasure might overwhelm if not deprive me of your 
 patronage, and order me for ever out of your sight.' 
 
 " ' Say no more !' answered Mr. Rutherford, ' I perceive your 
 agitation! I know it all, and I must applaud your circumspec- 
 tion and good conduct. But it is quite clear to me, that Miss 
 Rutherford is the object of your choice. Be it so ! I will not 
 check, nor disappoint your ambition ; and regardless of the 
 sneers of society, my mind is made up I will give you the hand 
 of my daughter in marriage. A richer match might have been 
 procured for her, there is no doubt ; but a better man, I am free 
 to say, according" to the best consideration I have given to the 
 subject cannot be found to make her a good husband. Twick- 
 enham, you saved her life ; that circumstance will never be ob- 
 literated from my memory then my only request is, that you. 
 will, for the remainder of her existence, make it happy and 
 contented: as she may never have the slightest occasion to re- 
 gret that she had wrongly estimated the man whom she had selec- 
 ted as her companion and protector. Here Maria !' 
 
 " Upon the entrance of his daug-hter, he caught hold of her 
 hand, and presented it to Twickenham. ' I give my daug-hter 
 freely to you my heart applauds the deed ; and may every 
 blessing- await upon your union/ To describe the joy upon the 
 countenances of Maria and her lover the happiness of their 
 minds : and their anxiety to thank the liberality of feeling- dis- 
 played by the father of Maria, is impossible ; but on their going 
 to reply : 
 
 " ' Not another word upon the subject ; ' said Mr. R. ' but 
 from this hour, I look upon you as my SON-IN-LAW ! and also 
 a Partner in the establishment/ 
 
 How all the other passions, fleet to air, 
 
 As doubtful thoughts, and rash embraced despair, 
 
 And shuddering fear, and green-eyed jealously. 
 
 love, be moderate, allay thy ecstasy, 
 
 In measure rein thy joy, scant this excess ; 
 
 1 feel too much thy blessing, make it less, 
 For fear I surfeit ! 
 
 " For years afterwards, the names of RUTHERFORD and 
 TWICKENHAM were well known as the " Great House," near the 
 Royal Exchang-e ; and when the senior partner was called to 
 the tomb of his fathers Twickenham ALONE, stood equally 
 important in the eyes of the commercial world, on the change , 
 embellished with civic honors, and in the House of Commons as 
 an M. P. Several children blessed their union ; and the once 
 "poor Jack of the ferry" became the FOUNDER of a family 
 of repute, in the greatest city of the world. Such are the 
 chances attached to life." 
 
 After breakfast, the next morning, Turf, who was a decided 
 angler, proposed to the Pilgrims to have a day's fishing in the 
 
296 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 the neighbourhood of Hampton ; it being considered one of the best 
 places on the river for good sport. The proposition met with 
 approbation from the whole of the party. 
 
 " I am not very fond of the sport/' said Makemoney, " and 
 as to the character of a fisherman., I have not the slightest pre- 
 tensions ; there is nothing of the Izaak Walton about my com- 
 position ; but nevertheless, I will not be singular upon the occa- 
 sion ; and I have no doubt but the variety of it, will afford me 
 plenty of amusement/' 
 
 " It is a most healthful pastime," observed Flourish, " and 
 tends to longevity in a great degree ; a proof of w r hich is not 
 wanting : according to Walton, Dr. Nowell lived to the 
 great age of ninety-five years, forty-four of which he had been 
 dean of St. Paul's Church ; and that his age had neither impaired 
 his hearing, nor dimmed his eyes, nor weakened his memory, 
 nor made any of the faculties of the mind weak or useless. 
 'Tis said, that angling and temperance were great causes of 
 these blessings ' Besides, according to Plutarch, angling was 
 a favorite amusement in the days of Marc Antony and Cleopatra, 
 and that in the midst of their wonderful glory, they used angling 
 as a principal recreation." 
 
 "True, every syllable of what you have uttered is the perfect 
 truth," answered Sprightly ; " and to add to your assertion, 
 Izaak Walton also lived to the age of ninety-three !" 
 
 * I am pleased to find that my friends are such advocates for 
 angling ; and I must acknowlege/' urged Turf, " that I never 
 feel anything like so much gratified as when I am by the side of 
 a river, engaged in the delightful sport." Singing to Make- 
 money : 
 
 In the morning, up we rise, soon as daylight peeping, 
 
 Take a cup to cheer the heart, leave the sluggard sleeping, 
 
 Forth we walk, and merry talk, to some pleasant river, 
 
 Near the THAMES silver streams, there we stand, rod in hand, 
 
 Fixing right, for a bite, all the time the fish allure, 
 
 Come leaping, skipping, bobbing, biting, 
 
 Dangling at our hooks secure ; 
 
 With this pastime, sweet and pure, we could fish for ever. 
 
 Turf, from his knowledge and experience as an angler, caught 
 lots of fish; and Flourish and Sprightly were likewise tolerably 
 successful ; but Makemoney could not get a single nibble a 
 bite, was out of the question. Indeed, the mind of the latter 
 was more occupied with the scenery and the different parties, 
 passing up and down the river, than paying attention to his rod 
 and line. " How is it ?" said the old citizen, " that you are all 
 so fortunate ; and I am so very unlucky ?" 
 
 " You do not woo the fish. You do not offer them any attrac- 
 tion," answered Turf " the fish at times, require as much coax- 
 
 ing as the ladies before they are caught ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 " If that is the case," replied Makemoney, "I an 
 
 am rather 
 

IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 297 
 
 afraid the chance is against me; but I will endeavour to follow your 
 advice/' Shortly afterwards Makemoney began to cry out, 
 '' Halloo ! halloo ! get your landing-net, Flourish ; by the tug- 
 H ging, or weight at the end of my line, 1 must have caught a 
 whale ! Look out ! look out ! or else I shall lose the monster." 
 
 They were all directed to the calls of the old citizen, to wit- 
 ness what sort of a fish he was about to get into the 
 landing-net. 
 
 " Gently ! gently !" said Turf, " take care he does not break 
 your line ; be ready with the net, Mr. Flourish ?" 
 
 Curiosity was now at the utmost stretch, to behold the prize ; 
 when the head of an old dog was perceived just above the wa- 
 ter. " What the deuce have we got here ? I never saw any- 
 thing like it at Billingsgate," observed Makemoney. 
 
 The whole of them set up a loud laugh at the dog's head. 
 " Not at Billingsgate ?" said Turf. " No, no, more likely at 
 Sharp's Altey, Cow Cross ; but it has been rather too long in 
 the water to make " 
 
 " Confound the beast," replied Makemoney, a little out of 
 temper for the moment, finding the laugh against him, and in- 
 stantly pulling out his pen-knife, cut the line, " let the hook and 
 dog go to the bottom, I will not use it any more." 
 
 In a short time afterwards, they returned to the Red Lion, at 
 Hampton, to sup off their dish of fish ; to spend the evening 
 comfortably together; to laugh over the adventures of the 
 line and rod ; and on finishing the evening, Turf caught hold of 
 the old citizen's hand in the most friendly mariner, singing, 
 
 " Then praise the jolly fisherman, 
 
 Who takes what he can get ; 
 Still going on his better's plan, 
 
 AlVs fish that comes to net. 
 
 Ha! ha! ha!" 
 
 " Have your joke." replied Makemoney ; " I will not be an- 
 gry with you, but after all, 1 have acted according to the hint on 
 the board FISH may not be caught here. Ha ! ha ! ha !" 
 
 The next day, Windsor Castle was the great object of attrac- 
 tion with the Pilgrims ; the morning was inviting, the row up 
 the river truly pleasant, and every thing went on as agreeably as 
 they could wish; but during the time they were resting upon 
 their oars, Makemoney was describing to the ladies some 
 anecdotes, connected with the above ancient palace of royalty. 
 " Windsor Castle," said he, " is thus described by Hogarth, in 
 his Analysis of Beauty ; it is a noble instance of quantity. The 
 hugeness of its few distinct parts, strikes the eye with uncom- 
 mon grandeur at a distance as well as nigh. It is quantity with 
 simplicity which makes it one of the finest objects 'in the king- 
 dom ; though void of any regular order of architecture." 
 
 A boat full of Eton boys, whom it should seem, 'were deter- 
 
 2R 
 
298 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 mined for a spree, rowed right against them, as if by accident 
 and instead of apologizing for their rude behaviour, although 
 they saw females in the boat ; one of the scholars, a young sprig 
 of nobility : one of those juvenile creatures, born with a silver 
 spoon in his mouth, only to know misery and poverty by name ; 
 to threaten arid command ; to throw people out of window, if 
 it pleased their fancy, and afterwards tell the waiter to charge 
 them in the bill ; to wrest off knockers from doors, at the very 
 witching time of night ; to ring bells, and alarm the nervous 
 of both sexes in their beds ; and other little harmless pranks, 
 the mere eifects of boyhood and matters of no consequence to 
 persons of rank in society. The Etonians looked upon Make- 
 money as one of the right sort of plainly dressed folks that a 
 lark might be practised upon with impunity, thus addressed him, 
 " I say, old tradesman, mind where you are driving with your 
 flat-bottomed barge , do you want to upset us children ? Attack 
 your match, and don't meddle with us boys !" 
 
 " Better language, if you please, young gentlemen," said 
 Makemoney, " such phrases do not become you, I'm sure ; after 
 endeavouring to insult us ! Eton, I am aware, is distinguished 
 for its scholastic acquirements ; but if such rude conduct is a 
 specimen of its good breeding: I shall pronounce it the worst 
 seminary in the kingdom." 
 
 " Good breeding, indeed ? Ha ! ha ! ha ! A coalheaver like 
 you, talking of what you do not understand. Why you don't 
 know the right end of an oar. What do you call that lump 
 upon your shoulders? But if you are not civil, we'll sprinkle 
 your dusty jackets." Then in a low tone of voice to his com- 
 panions, said, "let us give it to them." This was the signal for 
 a row when they began to splash the Pilgrims with water, 
 without any further ceremony and also putting themselves in 
 fighting attitudes. 
 
 This outrageous conduct of the Eton boys so enraged Make- 
 money, that in his exertions to catch hold of the ringleader, he 
 missed his aim, and fell into the water. 
 
 This accident produced loud shouts and peals of laughter, 
 during' the time Flourish and Turf were rescuing Makemoney 
 from his perilous situation ; if not from a watery grave ! The 
 Eton scholars singing " Overboard he vent ; Chip, chow, 
 cherry chow, fol-de-dol-de-da ! How drunk the old chap is ; 
 well, he is only mixing his grog ; perhaps adding a little water 
 to his heavy whet ! It will cool his courage, at all events. Ha ! 
 ha ! ha !" Then dashing their oars into the water splashing 
 the Pilgrims all over. But to prevent any mischief to them- 
 selves, they began to row off with all their strength , and by 
 way of a finish to the spree, said " Good night, old butter-fir- 
 kin ; we wish you better luck another time. Talk of good 
 breeding ( Odi profanum, vulgus !' " They were out of sight 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 299 
 
 before any redress could be obtained ; indeed, the Pilgrims were 
 glad to make for the shore, to quiet the fears of the females, 
 and also to get dry clothes for Makemoney. 
 
 When the effects of passion had subsided in the old citizen's 
 breast, and he had procured a dry suit of clothes, he laughed 
 heartily at the adventure over his grog" ; " it might have been 
 worse," said he, " I have been more frightened than hurt, it is 
 true ; and I recollect I was once a boy myself, I'll forget it." 
 
 " Yes, sir," replied Flourish, " it is the enthusiasm and excite- 
 ment of youth ; the dry studies of Horace, Juvenal ; and the 
 Elements of Euclid, Ovid, &c., require some relaxation now and 
 then, and these lads must unbend, and have a whiff or two, and 
 a whet, as they consider themselves great cigars, either on or 
 off the water ! which makes them regardless of danger, or the 
 consequences; so that fun and mischief are the result. It is 
 not fifty to one but some of those boys, at a future period, may 
 be gravely sitting, as the judges of the land in the Courts of 
 Law ; or gracing the woolsack, as sapient legislators ! Boys 
 will be boys and it would be loss of time to think any more 
 about it." 
 
 " Fond as I am of the Thames," said Makemoney, " I have 
 had rather too much of water this time ; but those who play 
 at bowls, must expect rubs. Ha ! ha ! ha !" 
 
 u To prevent your being liable to cold," said Sprightly, " from 
 your sudden immersion in the River, I propose that we return 
 to town by the first stage-coach, and the sooner you arrive at 
 home the better, where you can make yourself so much more 
 comfortable." This proposition was acceded to and in the 
 course of a few hours the ears of the Pilgrims were delighted 
 once more with the sound of Bow bells. 
 
 
300 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 The PILGRIMS interested at a Rowing-match, between " Bill 
 Prizeman's boy, and Coot and Badge Dick." The spirit of 
 the thing ! Times and manners. Civility costs nothing. A 
 dialogue between a coalheaver and an old maid ; or, torturing 
 the English language. The dog and the hat ; a tiny bit of 
 the marvellous ! A night scene on the banks of the Thames. 
 VAUXHALL to wit. MAKEMONEY out of humour with the 
 altered appearance of things ; or, nothing like by-gone days 
 at the gardens. SPRIGHTLY, vice versa, full of enjoy- 
 ment with the present period ,- and FLOURISH exulting, that 
 " a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush ?" TURF, all 
 happiness, contented with the idea of taking things as you 
 find them. Unexpected meeting with old friends and ac- 
 quaintances. The hoax ; Flourish and MaJcemoney the vic- 
 tims! Women and wine a row the Pilgrims in trouble! 
 an every day sort of thing at places of amusement. " We 
 won't go home till morning ! We won't go home till 
 morning, fyc." 
 
 Mirth admit me of thy crew ? 
 
 THE attention of the PILGRIMS had been occupied fora short 
 time, about a rowing-match, Flourish having 1 backed a young: 
 waterman well known on the Thames as ' Bill Prizeman's boy !' 
 against ' coat and badge Dick.' They were both crack water- 
 men ; and both equally successful as to a variety of matches 
 they had won. The amateurs of rowing- were now anxious to 
 ascertain which was the best man ? The Thames displayed a 
 great deal of gaiety upon the occasion ; several of the different 
 yacht clubs in their sailing" boats : the cutter lads, wherries, &c., 
 and both sides of the river lined with barges full of well-dressed 
 persons to witness the contest. 
 
 The " boy," was rather the favorite, from the possession of 
 strength, length, and wind ; but coat and badge Dick, it was 
 contended knew the River much better than his opponent he 
 was up to all the windings of it current, &c., to a T. Sprightly 
 felt a great interest in the match, and supported the opinion of 
 his friend Flourish ; and Makemoney was induced on the same ac- 
 count to become one of the party. But the old citizen preferred 
 being safe, rather thnn trusting himself amongst the harem-sca- 
 rem sort of fellows which are generally to be met with in boats 
 on the river, on those sort of days, more especially after his late 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 301 
 
 ducking at Windsor ; therefore, he took his station on a hea- 
 vily-laden coal-barge, that nothing but a violent tempest could 
 shift from its moorings. Besides, Makemoney was fond of 
 the mixture of society at such times ; and the dialogue which 
 passed between them afforded him considerable amusement. 
 
 An old maid who was equally anxious for the safety of her 
 person, and being anxious to witness the match, Prizeman's boy 
 being a near relation, wished to be perfectly assured by the coal- 
 heavers, before she parted with her money, whether there was 
 any danger { 
 
 " Lord bless you, marm," answered one of the coalheavers, 
 " you are as safe as if you wos in your coffin." 
 
 " I don't like that allusion," said the old maid, " I do not wish 
 any remembrances connected with death/' 
 
 '* You may depend, marm, the greatest conwulsion on the 
 earth would not stir a single bit of coal ! My pal, Jem, and I 
 have made this ere barge as fast as a rock. Here you can see 
 every thing wot takes place without the help of a telescope ; 
 and also hear wot directions are given to them precious bits of 
 stuff, who are about to enter upon this prime contest, without 
 the help of an ear-trumpet." 
 
 " 1 hope 1 shall find what you say to be the truth ; because 
 I have been deceived before now, by men promising what they 
 never perform." 
 
 " There is no deception about Jem and I, marm no bonnrt- 
 iwg only ask the company, (which is the genteelest on the 
 river) we are patronized by nothing else but the swells upon 
 these ere occasions. Jim and I would not take any person on 
 board but wot are the right sort we have nothing belonging to 
 us of the blackguard but snuff: perhaps marm, you would like 
 to take a pinch, it is the real blackguard, only so by name 
 being taken by the king upon his throne, as a most delicious 
 treat for his nose it wos given to us by the best gentleman 
 scull on the river, my lord Goldring ! O here he comes this 
 way, my lord make way for his lordship ! This here is the 
 only barge for the out-and-outers. 
 
 An interruption was put to this dialogue, between the old maid 
 and the coalheaver, for a little time, in consequence of a man's 
 hat being blown off his head into the river, from the next barge, 
 and a dog jumping off to get it " I say governor," said one of 
 the black diamonds, "you wouldn't be so foolish as to let that 
 ere dog get hold of your castor !" 
 
 " Why, where's the harm : the hanimal won't hurt it ?'' 
 
 " If you are spooney enough to let him get hold of your 
 tile, he will make a meal of it, and no mistake. He has not 
 had a bit of grub for the last three days ; and he is the most fero- 
 ciousest dog in London ; he is vorse than a wolf. I knows him 
 well: he is quite the terror of Cow's Cross! and the knacker 
 people have offered a reward to any hindividuai who will kill 
 
302 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 him, and bring his head to them. It was only a few days ago 
 that he bolted with the biggest part of a horse, and got clear off 
 with it ! He can kill one hundred rats in eight minutes, like 
 winking ; and kill anything else if it comes in his way/ 
 
 " That ere is not the dog I tell you as how once more ; and 
 if you insists upon taking away his character, 1 will shove your 
 nose into the river ; and then I knows your body must follow it, 
 but I will charge you nothing for bathing. So don't kick up 
 any more row about my dog ; he is a Newfoundland, and the 
 animal wot you takes him for is a terrier !" 
 
 " I have no doubt but he is a new found dog ; that is a gen- 
 teel word for prigging a tyke. You never saw him before to- 
 day, I knows so shut your mouth and be quiet, if you wishes 
 to be safe : and not get into trouble. So be off while your shoes 
 are good. We knows how you get your living." 
 
 " O dear," said the old maid, " I am quite alarmed ; I hope 
 there will be no quarrelling we may all be drowned ! I dread 
 coroner's inquests, I do indeed !" 
 
 " No Marm ; its only wot we calls a bit of civil jaw it is 
 wot we calls whopping* a man with your chaffer!" 
 
 " Chaffer ! chaff what do you mean by that phrase I can- 
 not understand it V 
 
 " Why marm, in genteel company, it is wot the female vomen 
 call red rag!" 
 
 " Dear me! how very odd; you would puzzle a dictionary 
 maker." 
 
 " To cut the matter short it means, marm, the tongue /" 
 " Bless my soul ! what a strange world we live in. I don't 
 know my own language !" 
 
 <( Here's a start for you ; wot chaps to pull ! my eyes, how 
 sweetly they cut along : six to four on the boy." 
 
 " Who do you want to swindle ; are you upon the look out 
 to pick up green horns ? He's no boy ; he's the father of a fam- 
 ily. Call him a boy ? where will you get your men I wonder ?" 
 '* Hold your jaw, Mr. Wiseacre; he is Bill Prizeman's boy, 
 that's wot I mean ; and he has won every thing upon the river, 
 from Limehouse hole to Richmond Bridge. He is the out-and- 
 out crack waterman on the Thames either for sculls or oars, 
 and I say, six to four he wins." 
 
 " Huzza ! huzza ! Bill Prizeman's boy has made a man of 
 himself to-day. See ! see, he is winning the match like fun ; 
 and giving Coat-and-Badge the go-by. It is quite play to 
 Prizeman's boy ; but Coat-and-Badge is nothing else but a good 
 un ! They can't both win I wishes they could." 
 
 The contest, which was a very sharp one, was decided in 
 favor of Prizeman's boy, amidst the shouts of the spectators ; 
 and to the complete satisfaction of Flouifish, who had won a 
 tolerable sum of money. 
 
 Just as Majicmoney was about to quit the barge, he was 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 303 
 
 hailed by Sprightly and Flourish in a boat, to accompany them 
 to Vauxhall Gardens, to meet Turf by appointment. 
 
 " I am now ready, sir, to fulfil my promise/' said Flourish, 
 " a handsome supper, at my expense ; and a glass or two of cham- 
 pagne shall not be wanting to give a zest to the evening's en- 
 tertainment, I have no doubt but we shall meet with some of 
 the right sort of folks to spend a merry, happy, and gay evening 
 together." 
 
 " I am quite ready/' answered the old Citizen " it was in 
 my early days, a favorite place of amusement of mine, after bu- 
 siness, and the fatigues of the day were over." 
 
 The merits of Prizeman's boy, and Coat-and-Badge Dick oc- 
 cupied their attention until they arrived at Vauxhall stairs. 
 
 The Pilgrims, after promenading the gardens for a short pe- 
 riod viewing the company and different groups who had 
 assembled together for the evening; " I may well assert," ob- 
 served Makemoney, ' O the days when I were young F VAUX 
 HALL then, appeared to every visitor a decided place of fascina- 
 tion a sort of Elysium and all the cares of the world left out- 
 side of the gardens. Gaiety was the leading feature heart's- 
 ease in abundance pleasure in all its variety of taste and hap- 
 piness seemed to reign triumphant upon every brow. Hours 
 flew away like minutes ; and day-light intruded itself upon the 
 minds of the spectators with astonishment. Yet, I must confess, 
 the entertainments were not half so grand, nor half so good 
 but the visitors appear to me completely changed altogether ! 
 They walk about, appear indifferent ; seem stiff, formal : 
 and not inclined to recognize each other upon equal' terms ; but 
 at the period I allude to, the company appeared like one family ! 
 Hail fellow, well met. Unbending with sociality of disposition 
 and good nature ; joining in the lively dance : and mirth and 
 humour the presiding deities over the festive scene. Such a 
 change is not at all the fault of the proprietors ; on the contrary, 
 they have out-heroded herod in their exertions to produce nov- 
 elties : and to furnish every sort of intellectual amusement to 
 attract the public to visit Vauxhall Gardens." 
 
 " I am not at all inclined," replied Flourish, " to dispute your 
 assertions : and also to give you the benefit of your experience 
 to its utmost extent ; at the same time, my worthy friend, I am 
 anxious not to convey the slightest affront whatever : but sir, 
 you do not see with the same eyes all your boyish friends have 
 become old men repetition palls upon the mind and you have 
 become tired as it were of your once delight and pleasure. But 
 we, sir, are full of raptures with the gardens, and give it the 
 preference to any other place of amusement of the kind, con- 
 nected with the metropolis." 
 
 '* A truce to argument!" cried Sprightly, "let us enjoy the 
 illuminated scene as it presents itself I never felt more delighted 
 
304 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 in my life but let us all be free in our promenades. Yet we 
 must make it a point to meet altogether at supper." 
 
 " Agreed," replied Turf. 
 
 " With all my heart," answered Makemoney. 
 
 " The Duchess for a rump and a dozen/' said Sprightly, " and 
 her stylish daughters." 
 
 " Then I'll be after them," replied Flourish, " I owe them 
 something. But you are mistaken, I think. However, I'll put 
 up the game ; and bring down the birds, if I can. So excuse 
 me, gents., I am off." 
 
 " Egad," observed Sprightly, " how very odd, I perceive a 
 young lady a most intimate acquaintance of mine, walking with- 
 out a companion. That must not be the laws of gallantry 
 will not permit it. I will just ask after her health, when I will 
 return to you immediately, uncle, I don't like to leave you, but " 
 
 " I'll be hanged if there an't an old acquaintance of mine 
 vulgarly called slippery Dick. I would not be seen with him 
 but he owes me a handsome bet ; and if I don't get it now, 
 months may occur before I meet with him again. He twigs me; 
 and is trying to bolt ! I know you will pardon me, Makemo- 
 ney ; but necessity has no law. I would not have left you un- 
 der any other circumstances," said Turf. 
 
 Makemoney found himself alone, in the midst of a vast 
 throng of visitors. " Ton my word," he exclaimed, " this is 
 very pleasant, but I suppose I must, like my brother Pilgrims, 
 recognize somebody ; or else I must remain standing here like a 
 finger-post. But no matter I like to see the young ones enjoy 
 themselves ; therefore I will amuse myself in the best way 
 I can." 
 
 Flourish, with almost the speed of a greyhound, ran over the 
 gardens in search of the Duchess and her daughters, who had 
 occupied his attention so much at Greenwich, anticipating some 
 agreeable conversation with those sprightly females ; and also 
 with the hopes of obtaining a little more insight into their cha- 
 racters^ and if the Duchess might in any way allude to the loan 
 of the five pound note. But nothing like the gay Duchess met 
 his eyes : although, in several instances, he stared some of the 
 ladies out of countenance. At length he gave up the pursuit 
 as hopeless ; and began to entertain an idea that it was a plea- 
 sant hoax played off on him, by his friend Sprightly. Never- 
 theless, he did not like to give up the ' look out' altogether, and 
 while he was holding a sort of parley with himself on the sub- 
 ject, Turf touched him on the shoulder " what, at fault, my 
 worthy Pilgrim ?" said he, " Have you lost the scent ? Are the 
 birds flown away ? Ha! ha! ha!" 
 
 " I am at fault," replied Flourish, and " I cannot be put right 
 to night ; but never mind, I perceive Makemoney in rather a 
 solitary mood, as if he was looking out for us. Can't we have a 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 305 
 
 bit of fun with the old citizen ? Nothing- more than a harmless 
 joke ! How can we manage it ? And Sprightly will not be im- 
 plicated in it !" 
 
 " I have it ! Ha ! ha ! ha!" answered Turf, " it will serve to 
 amuse us after supper, over our wine !" Turf, who never stood 
 upon niceties, and quite careless as to the remarks of any by- 
 standers upon his behaviour, recognizing- an old acquaintance of 
 his, one of the sisterhood, but no Nun, went immediately up to 
 her " You see that old gentleman, with a good-natured face, 
 loitering about the gardens, he belongs to our party, and we want 
 to have a bit of fun with him, therefore, go and claim an acquaint- 
 ance with him, but treat him as a gentleman, and try to pur- 
 suade him, in a lady-like manner, that you know him very well ; 
 that once he was a particular friend of your's, and seriously 
 enquire, of him, the reason of his cruel desertion ? He is rather 
 hasty in his temper at times, and this sort of unexpected attack 
 will have the desired effect ! But when we return to him, arid 
 pretend to detect him in making an assignation with you, then 
 make your escape as soon as possible. 
 
 " Penelope , is a clever woman, and possesses supe- 
 rior talents for an actress, and had she have taken the right 
 course in life, might have been an ornament to the stage ; 
 but owing to, what she terms an * amiable weakness ' in the 
 first instance, proved her overthrow. Her situation, at the 
 present moment, speaks for itself. But her manners are good, 
 and she will play what ' is set down for her ' to the very life. 
 She is also fond of a joke, and will enterinto the spirit of it." 
 
 " Excellent !" cried Flourish, " it would not be a bad inci- 
 dent for a comedy !" 
 
 Makemoney, who had been musing for some little time, not 
 exactly in what is termed a trance, but scarcely knowing how 
 to pass his time, during the absence of his brother Pilgrims, was 
 then listening to a song in the Orchestra, viewing the transpa- 
 rencies, and other attractive features, and strolling up and down 
 the different walks, when the young female alluded to, dressed 
 in the very first style of fashion, thus accosted him " I beg par- 
 don, Sir, but you do not seem to recollect the face that you have 
 so often praised, flattered, and caressed with feelings of de- 
 light. But I regret to say, that in my eyes your character seems 
 changed altogether, and you now appear more like the ' Knight 
 of the woeful countenance/ than the hitherto laughing, jolly 
 fellow at the festive board. Yet, perhaps, I can account for it, 
 you have lost an intimate acquaintance, a dear friend! which has 
 produced that settled melancholy on your brow. I am sorry to 
 see it !" 
 
 Makemoney could scarcely believe his own ears ; and after re- 
 covering himself from such a sudden unexpected attack, he briefly 
 answered " True, madam, I am looking after a friend !" 
 
 2 s 
 
306 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " And so am I, my dear sir," replied Penelope, in a most plain- 
 tive tone of voice, " therefore, if we put our losses together, we 
 can afford, to each other, consolation, and enjoy the luxury of 
 woe undivided. There is a delightful little box which I "see 
 yonder, in which we can have a tete-a-tete : dissipate our grief 
 over sparkling champagne, or arrack punch, if you give it the 
 preference, as I always leave the choice of liquors, or wine, to 
 the good taste of gentlemen ! A little refreshment will be 
 necessary, and as I do not wish to be extravagant, a cold chicken, 
 some ham, a cucumber, &c., will, I feel assured, render the 
 evening truly pleasant to us both \" 
 
 " Amazement !" cried Makemoney, " you are taking liberties 
 with an entire stranger ; and also making more free than wel- 
 come ! And, I desire, madam, you will quit my presence imme- 
 diately. You are an improper character to be seen with ! Re- 
 tire immediately, or else " 
 
 " A stranger !" answered Penelope, putting up her handker- 
 chief to her eyes, as if in tears ; " is it come to this ! after your 
 expressions of love to your dear Pen. as you used to call me. 
 Such base ingratitude and desertion, will, positively, be the 
 death of me! (Laying hold of Makemoney's arm,) I am get- 
 ting faint, my head turns round, I shall expire before my wrongs 
 are revenged ! Has the poor, forlorn, deserted Penelope, no 
 friend to stand by her at this unprotected moment ? Oh ! oh ! oh ! 
 I shall die !" 
 
 A small crowd began to gather round them, when at the junc- 
 ture, like good actors waiting for their cue, Turf and Flourish 
 appeared in sight to render assistance to Penelope. 
 
 " My dear friend, said Turf to Makemoney, " what is the mat- 
 ter ? What have you done to this young damsel in distress ?" 
 Penelope throwing herself into the arms of Turf. 
 
 4 Nothing !" replied Makemoney, quite out of breath with 
 rage ; "it is all a mystery to me. The woman is out of her senses ! 
 Positively insane! 1 never saw her before in my life. It is a 
 mistake altogether." 
 
 " Is it nothing to desert the dearest female friend you ever had 
 in your life ;" answered Penelope, sobbing loudly. " Do you 
 call it nothing ? You base, ungrateful man ! But you shall 
 rue it ! I will have justice done me. Fine old London gentle- 
 man as you are. I will not stay in the horrid monster's company 
 any longer. Pray, sir, let me have a little air, or else, I shall be 
 suffocated with grief." 
 
 Turf immediately led her a little distance from Makemoney ; 
 but she immediately returned, full of spirit, and said to the lat- 
 ter, "As you have promised to meet to-morrow night 'by 
 moonlight alone,' to make amends for your tragedy conduct, 
 which has lacerated my tender feelings beyond description, I will 
 not expose you any more before such a number of persons." 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 30f 
 
 Penelope was out of sight in an instant. 
 
 " Such assurance is not to be borne," observed Makemoney 
 " I never promised to meet the wretch the wicked im 
 postor." 
 
 " Some of the crowd began to laugh heartily, and enjoy the 
 row ; others interfering- to support Penelope ; "I say, old chap, 
 with one foot in the grave," cried a gay spark, "what have you 
 been caught out in your wickedness ?" A second person, ob- 
 served " An old fellow like you to seduce a beautiful young 
 woman as she appears to be, and young enough to be your grand 
 daughter ! You ought to be pumped upon !" With a variety of 
 other remarks, that rather alarmed the citizen for his safety. 
 
 "Take me away," said Makemoney, instantly, "from the 
 sight of this base woman, or else I shall choke with passion. An 
 infamous liar, and strumpet ! It is lucky for her that in my pas- 
 sion I had not done her some mischief." 
 
 " You see/' observed Turf, " however sly we may be in our 
 amours, there are times when we are unexpectedly caught. Ha ! 
 ha I ha ! But it is only a nine days wonder, and it will soon 
 blow over. We have almost carried the joke too far," Turf 
 whispered into the ear of Flourish; "but mum! Not a sentence 
 about the affair to Sprightly, when we meet. The talents dis- 
 played by Penelope made her assumed injuries, appear like re- 
 ality r 
 
 " Worse and worse," replied Makemoney, " do you Turf, be- 
 lieve a single word the wretch has uttered? I shall go, stark, 
 staringimad, if such a villainous falsehood should get abroad !" 
 
 " I did not believe her in the first instance, I must confess," 
 answered Turf, with a smile on his countenance, and Flourish 
 was compelled to retire to some little distance for fear he should 
 burst out into a loud fit of laughter : " but when she said you 
 had promised to meet her alone : I was rather staggered, and 
 did not know what to think about it." 
 
 " Let us retire from this scene of con fusion, and order supper," 
 said Flourish, " it is a mistake I am sure it is a mistake ; and 
 the young lady in question has taken you, Makemoney, for one 
 of the ' gallant gay Lotharios/ once in her train. Compose 
 yourself, sir, and only laugh at the circumstance. It is one of 
 those funny sort of adventures that sometimes crosses our paths 
 at public places of amusement." 
 
 " It may be a laughing matter to you, I have little doubt," 
 replied the old citizen, " but this is coming out in life, in rather 
 a hazardous sort of manner. Such effrontery in a female, I never 
 met with before in all my travels." 
 
 " If I might offer my advice upon the subject," urged Turf, 
 with a face made up as seriously as a judge about to pronounce 
 sentence upon a criminal ; " you would treat the affair altogether 
 as the impulse of the moment ; the female has mistaken her 
 
308 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 ; and you have an alibi to prove you never kept a woman 
 in your life. Ha ! ha! ha ! I am a witness to that effect, when- 
 ever you are in want of one. But if you promise to forgive the 
 poor deluded wench, and keep your temper,.! will bring 1 her be- 
 fore you, and convince her, beyond all doubt, that she has com- 
 mitted an error, and must make you a suitable apology. For I 
 overheard her observe, on her leaving- me, ' Surely, I am not 
 mistaken in the person of my old gallant. If so. I am sorry, very 
 sorry for it. Perhaps, I have been rather too violent in my con- 
 duct, but he is very like my old Charles. Now, my friend 
 Makemoney, as your name is Peter, I have no doubt, but it may 
 be made all right over a glass of wine." 
 
 " If I could be satisfied that by agreeing- to an interview with 
 her, the fact might be established that she was mistaken as to 
 my person/' replied Makemoney, <( I should have no objection, 
 I am anxious that that point should be cleared up, because I feel 
 uneasy under the accusation. I am not disposed to be ill-na- 
 tured, and always ready to make an allowance for mistakes, 
 when I am assured the error committed was unintentional." 
 
 " You have acted sensibly," said Turf, " the girl is not an 
 absolute stranger to me, and I am sure, when 1 point out the 
 mistake to her, and the unnecessary violence she used upon the 
 occasion, she will make any apology you may require ; Penelope 
 - , is one of the < unfortunates /' it is true ; but, neverthe- 
 less, she has had a decent education ; and is not deficient in good 
 manners. At all events, 1 will seek her out before she quits the 
 gardens ; and an acknowledgement of her error, upon the spot 
 where it has been committed, will be worth twenty times more, 
 than after the circumstance has made its way into the City, or 
 obtained an extensive circulation in all the newspapers. Scan- 
 dal and satire, my dear friend, are rich subjects for most of the 
 journals, the public doat upon rows ; devour police intelligence ; 
 but for an intrigue or amour, it is positively food for all the 
 breakfast, dinner, and tea-tables in the metropolis for a week ! 
 Besides, sir, the mistake in question might be distorted into a 
 thousand horrid shapes; and the desertion of a lovely, interest- 
 ing, beautiful female, promulgated as an act of the blackest die. 
 I am determined to see the mistery cleared up, and Penelope 
 shall make a curtsey before the Pilgrims !" 
 
 ". Do so, my dear Turf," replied Makemoney, "let us have 
 the truth, and nothing else but the truth, at all events, and 
 then, perhaps, I may be inclined to laugh at the mistake." 
 
 Turf giving the wink to Flourish, went immediately in sear c h 
 of Penelope -- 
 
 " I think, my friend Turf/* said Flourish, " is quite correct 
 in his view of the subject at issue, an explanation is decidedly 
 necessary : arid he is acting towards you with sincerity. Here 
 he is, I see, returning with the young female. (Putting his 
 
/ 
 Cf 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 309 
 
 glass up to his eyes.) Egad, she is a very fine woman. A 
 beautiful creature ! and, 1 should say, there are few men but 
 what would consider it a feather in their caps to be her Protec- 
 tory rather than otherwise. Therefore, sir, you must show 
 your gallantry upon this occasion. Remember the advice of 
 the poet: - 
 
 If to her share some common errors fall, 
 Look on her face and you'll forget them all, 
 
 Penelope on approaching Make money, dropped him a most 
 elegant curtsey, affected bash fulness, and rather hesitated be- 
 fore she attempted to address him. 
 
 " Be not afraid/' observed Turf, "' if you are now convinced 
 that you have committed an error, acknowledge it with a good 
 grace, and forgiveness is at hand. (Turf aside.) Compliment 
 the forbearance of the old gentleman, and you may become a 
 favourite with him, after all the fire and smoke. Your face and 
 person will effect wonders." Penelope gave a nod. 
 
 " You will excuse me, sir, I hope," said Penelope, " tak- 
 ing a synopsis of your person, and rudely scanning your fea- 
 tures, that I may decide with certainty ; but notwithstanding 
 those roguish, amorous-looking eyes in your head which are so 
 very prominent, and so dangerous to females in general, I must 
 confess that I have been deceived,' and the error I have com- 
 mitted is now so palpable to myself, that I blush for my violent 
 behaviour, and upon looking at you again, sir, you are Hyperion 
 to a Satyr when compared with my old Charles. How could I 
 have been so much mistaken you are quite a boy in appearance 
 to him. But I suppose it must have been owing to the glare 
 of the vast number of lights in the gardens, which change the 
 countenances of every person." 
 
 " I think it is likely/' replied Flourish. " People do not look 
 the same as at other places of amusement. But proceed." 
 
 " It was a mere glance at your person, sir, that has done all 
 the mischief: besides, when you take into the scales of justice 
 the pangs of disappointed love neglect abandonment and 
 all the other circumstances connected with wronged women, 
 which accounts for my conduct, you will be inclined to grant me 
 a pardon : therefore, sir, I hope you will accept of an apology ; 
 but I know you well as an admirer of the sex " 
 
 "Madam ! have a care !" replied Makemonev. " I am not to 
 be flattered in turn out of my reason." 
 
 " To love the sex, sir, is not a crime, no A ~ fault ; but in my 
 humble opinion, an honor : and kindness from man to woman is 
 one of his greatest attributes. I am sorry, very sorry for what 
 has occurred this evening*. Can I offer any thing more in exten- 
 uation. Only mention it and you will find me, Penelope, per- 
 fectly willing and obedient." 
 
 " No ! no ! no !" exclaimed Flourish and Turf at the samo 
 
310 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES. 
 
 instant " our friend has too much of the milk of human kind- 
 ness in his composition to require any thing- more from a female. 
 You have acknowledged your error in a handsome way, and I 
 am sure, the sooner it is buried in oblivion the better for all 
 parties." 
 
 " Not exactly so abrupt/' replied Penelope, " a duel now, be- 
 tween us, is out of the question. Yet a challenge may be given 
 and accepted, without violating* the bounds of decorum. There- 
 fore, I am about to challenge my " 
 
 " How V asked Makemoney, almost relapsing into a passion, 
 " a challenge from a lady ? I do not understand it ! What do 
 you mean ? explain !" 
 
 Turf, (Aside.) " This is carrying on the joke better than 1 
 could have anticipated. Penelope will now have the best of 
 the argument," giving a significant nod to Flourish: " Is she 
 not a very clever creature ?" 
 
 " Do not be alarmed, sir knight. I am no female duellist ! 
 Powder, ball, and swords will not suit me. But my challenge 
 is to your friends I wish to drink your health over a glass of 
 champagne, to convince you, if necessary, that my apology is 
 sincere; therefore, you are quite safe for. me. Here, waiter, 
 bring a bottle of the best sparkling champagne that you have 
 got in your cases Nectar 1 would have called for, if it could 
 have been purchased upon earth (Feeling for her purse.) I will 
 pay for it. Then sir, after the toast has been drank I will not 
 annoy you with my company any longer ; but most respectfully 
 take my leave." 
 
 " Not so fast ! not so fast, young lady,'* replied Makemoney, 
 who not only began to relax from his severity : but appeared ra- 
 ther smitten with the charms of Penelope, " Ladies do not pay 
 for any thing in my company : besides, a pleasant hour's conver- 
 sation or two is within our grasp ; and we cannot part so readily 
 with beauty and talent as you imagine. Therefore, you will 
 sup with us. 
 
 " I acquiesce, sir, to your request/' replied Penelope, " and I 
 hope now that you will, war being at an end, not deny me the 
 claim, at least, of an acquaintance ; and perhaps, at some fu- 
 ture period, should we ever cross each other's path, that of an 
 old friend. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 
 "Bravo ! bravo/' cried Flourish, "if we feel inclined at any 
 time to quarrel about other circumstances, I hope we shall never 
 quarrel with wit." 
 
 The health of Makemoney was drank with great spirit; and 
 the waiter having filled another glass for Penelope, she thus ad- 
 dressed Makemoney: "Kindness to the faults of others, and 
 liberality to discern our own." The supper over, and a few 
 glasses of generous wine had banished from the mind of the 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 311 
 
 old Citizen all about the recent row ; Flourish was in high spi- 
 rits on the occasion : and Turf quite on the qui mve. 
 
 Taking- wine with each other was the order of the night ; 
 and bottle after bottle was emptied of its contents with rapidity. 
 The party soon became elevated ; and at times, a little noisy, 
 and Makemoney almost as young as a boy in his actions. The 
 fine old adage of Shakspeare began to show itself amongst 
 them " O that a man will put an enemy into his mouth to steal 
 away his brains." The handsome face of Penelope, added to 
 her talent for repartee, attracted the attention of Makemoney : 
 and in whispers, he began to say a thousand civil things to her ; 
 such are the effects of the bottle. 
 
 " To-morrow," replied Penelope, who had not yet indulged 
 so much as to deprive her of self-possession, and who was of a 
 sensitive nature, looking Makemoney full in the face, " when 
 you are soberly seated at home, suffering from the effects of 
 drink and fever, and blaming yourself for acts of intemperance, 
 and also being seen in the company of a doubtful, nay, what is 
 termed an improper character. What weight am I to attach to 
 such expressions of admiration ; only picture to yourself how 
 galling it must be to my feelings, for I have not entirely 
 lostsight of them however situated I may be in life, to be 
 treated as a play-thing, and made mere pastime of for the sport 
 of men. The cruelty and deliberate injuries I have received 
 from mankind ; and the pains taken by men to seduce every 
 pretty woman from the paths of virtue, and blast their charac- 
 ters in the estimation of virtuous society makes me almost 
 hate the name of man. Can you blame females for seeking re- 
 venge on their betrayers ; and afterwards deserting them, to be- 
 come the derision and insult of the world ?" 
 
 This unexpected appeal to the feelings of Makemoney almost 
 sobered him in an instant, and he hesitated for a reply " No 
 allusions, Miss Penelope the present company I hope are 
 excepted." 
 
 " No, no," said Flourish, " we won't have any thing in the way 
 of moralizing here. Vauxhall Gardens is not the place for it. 
 Come, cheer up, Penelope ; give us one of your little songs an 
 anecdote a pun : preaching will not do for us. Another glass 
 of wine or two will make us as merry as players/' 
 
 " Aye, wine is the thing to soothe our sorrows and banish 
 grief," replied Turf, "and whenever I feel low-spirited, and 
 unpleasant thoughts intrude themselves this is the mode I 
 adopt to dispel them." Filling himself a bumper and singing: 
 
 Drink of this cup you'll find there's a spell in 
 
 Its every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality 
 Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen, 
 
 Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality : 
 
312 THE PILGRIMS OP THE THAMES 
 
 Would you forget the dark world we are in, 
 
 Only taste of the bubble that gleams on the top of it, 
 
 But would you rise above earth, till akin, 
 
 To immortal yourselves, you must drain every drop of it. 
 Send round the cup, &c. 
 
 " If such charms exist in wine," said Makemoney, " the soon- 
 er we have another glass all round the better. We came out to 
 be cheerful and happy ; and therefore, let us embrace the 
 opportunity." 
 
 Penelope, like the rest of her companions, gave a truce to sen- 
 sibility ; and after the manner of most females of her descrip- 
 tion who are affected to tears by some unpleasant reflections, 
 and laugh heartily at any occurrence the next she once more 
 became all gaiety. Her interesting conversation, and the 
 little anecdotes which she now and then illustrated her 
 stories with, made the wine go down like water ; added 
 to which a few snatches of songs from her favorite author, 
 Tommy Moore, elevated Flourish, Makemoney, and Turf 
 equal in spirit, to the finest jolly fellows in the world : they 
 had courage enough now, or rather, impetuosity to have scaled 
 fortresses ; mounted the deadly breach ; and entered the for lorn 
 hope like heroes of the first description. 
 
 " The song ; Penelope's sojig ! the song," became the univer- 
 sal request of the Pilgrims. 
 
 She immediately complied with their request, and looking 
 rather smirkingty in the face of the old Citizen sang : 
 Can love be controled by advice ? 
 
 " Ah, this love;" said Penelope, " attachment fondness ad- 
 miration, and all those phrases so often poured into the ears of 
 females, are all deceit, I am afraid ; and almost begin to think 
 that what is called Love, is nothing more than a farce : calcu- 
 lated to annoy and upset society in general. But no matter." 
 singing again to Makemoney : 
 
 Come rest in this bosom, my own stricken deer, 
 Though the herd have fled from thee, thy home is still here ; 
 . Here still is the smile, that no cloud can o'ercast, 
 And the heart and (he hand, all thy own to the last. 
 
 Oh, what was love made for, if 'tis not the same, 
 
 Through joy, and through torments, through glory and shame ; 
 
 I know not, I ask not, if guilt's in that heart, 
 
 I but know that I love thee, whatever thou art 1 
 
 Thou hast called me thy angel, in moments of bliss 
 Still thy angel I'll be, 'mid the horrors of this, 
 Through the furnace, unshrinking, thy steps to pursue, 
 And shield thee, and save thee, or perish there too. 
 
 "Excellent!" observed Turf, "what a happy fellow you 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 313 
 
 must think yourself, Makemoney, to have so much love and 
 constancy expressed for you, by such a handsome creature ! 
 You must forgive me, but I cannot help envying- you/' 
 
 " Bliss ! perfect bliss to the echo !" replied Flourish, " I never 
 heard any song- better applied in my life. And a good bit of 
 truth into the bargain." 
 
 " Too much ! too much ! you comical rogues/' said Make- 
 money with a hic-cough, and appearing any thing but sober ; 
 " you are also a satirist, Miss Penelope, thus to quiz an old fel- 
 low ! but I must f-o-r-g-i-v-e you ! but I never felt more happy 
 and pleased during my existence. Where's Sprightly ail this 
 time ? I have not seen my nephew for the last two or three 
 hours, and, you know, he promised to meet us again at supper. 
 Let us go and look after him : he may have forgot himself, and 
 what is due to propriety, lost his time with naughty company ! 
 I must point out to him the danger of such people/' 
 
 *' By all means," answered Flourish, " we will all start to- 
 gether. Naughty folks won't do at all for us Pilgrims." 
 
 Turf, by this time, was rather freakish, he had stuck to the 
 bottle like glue ; in fact, he was no flincher upon such occasions. 
 Flourish also, a thing quite unusual for him, was like a sailor, 
 * three-sheets in the wind;' and Makemoney, a rare occurrence, 
 ' how come you so ?' Turf and Flourish sallied forth, and 
 Makemoney, with Miss Penelope hanging upon his arm : it is 
 true, they attempted to walk, but reeling, perhaps would be the 
 better description of it. They had not moved forwards but a few 
 steps, when some person rather rudely pushed by Miss Penelope, 
 this excited the anger of Makemoney, and he exclaimed, " Who 
 are you pushing against fellow ? Don't you see I* have a lady 
 under my care ? Have you left your manners at home ?" 
 
 "Pushing against !" echoed a nicely apparelled dandy, "why, 
 an old Pope, to be sure. A ci-devant member of Noah's Hood. 
 Ha! ha! Such old fogeys as you, ought, positively, to have been 
 at roost long before this period : and not be seen strutting up 
 and down the walks with a questionable female. Fie ! fie ! I 
 am ashamed of you old man." 
 
 " Do not be insolent again to my friend, and the lady," 
 said Turf, turning round to him with a sovereign look of 
 contempt ; " if you render yourself troublesome any more, be- 
 ware of the consequences. A puppy like you to insult your 
 elders ! I have a great mind to chastise you for your imperti- 
 nence. o, once more, beware !" 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! A lady and a gentleman, forsooth ! a precious 
 pair of non-descripts ! Where can they corn e from, I wonder? 
 but I suppose from the mohawk country. Chastise indeed, take 
 care, my Jonny Raw, gentleman farmer, clod-pole, that I do not 
 annihilate you, if I display my science on your unmeaning nob ! 
 Ha ! ha ! A good joke, upon my word. Fellows from the wilds 
 of Sussex, or the obscure parts of Yorkshire, to talk of chastis- 
 
 2 T 
 
314 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 ing- us Metropolitans. Here, Tom, take my kid gloves, I should 
 not like to soil them upon thisOurang-outang ! But, yet, I must 
 punish the beast out of civilized society, and send him running 
 back to his proper sphere the woods and forests. Ha ! ha ! So 
 come on my Raw, and receive the reward due to your merits ; 
 for 1 mean to give you a receipt in full of all demands : I do 
 nothing by halves." Putting himself in a boxing attitude. 
 
 This challenge was most acceptable to the feelings of Turf, 
 although a very peaceable fellow in the main; yet, nevertheless, 
 he had not the slightest objection, at any time, to a trial of skill ; 
 nay, to speak the truth, he was fond of it : and in the early part 
 of his career, had received lessons from the most expert profes- 
 sors on the list. 
 
 " I am ready/' he replied, " and take care of yourself ; you 
 shall not wait long before you hear from me. All I require for 
 both of us, is fair play !" 
 
 It was quite evident to the by-standers that Turf and the 
 dandy had paid too much attention to the bottle, to prove, in a 
 serious point of view, mischievous, and staggered up to each 
 other on setting-to. But after a few blows had been exchanged, 
 Turf, put in a slight hit upon the jugular vein of his opponent, 
 that instantly sent him sprawling on the ground. The friends of 
 the dandy, (who it appeared, afterwards, was a sprig of quality,) 
 on finding he was likely to be well thrashed for his boasting 
 and impudence, joined in the row, and a general skirmish took 
 place. 
 
 The screams of the females and the noise and bustle which 
 took place altogether, excited the attention of Sprightly, who 
 had also been drinking rather freely, and supping with some 
 young fellows of his acquaintances, ripe and ready for any thing, 
 he immediately ran to the spot, when, Sprightly, perceiving 
 Flourish and Turf engaged in the contest, and his uncle in jeo- 
 pardy, pushed about with a female on his arms, he did not stop 
 to ask any questions on the subject, but hit away, right and 
 left, until he had the satisfaction of seeing the Pilgrims masters 
 of the field. 
 
 The dandy had been carried off by some of his friends during 
 the row, for fear of the consequences, to get bled ; for a long 
 time he remained in a state of stupor, and it was generally expect- 
 ed that a Coroner's Inquest would have been the result of the 
 affray. However, he recovered his senses, to the great joy of 
 the whole of the party concerned in the quarrel. 
 
 The constables interfered when the danger was all over, and 
 understanding that it was nothing more than a trifling quarrel 
 between gentlemen ; and cards having been exchanged to settle 
 their differences in another way, the constables, on their own 
 account, did not wish to give the gentlemen any trouble the 
 next morning to expose themselves at a police office for their in- 
 discreet conduct. Palm-oil, (i. e. money,) being given to them 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 3i5 
 
 to let the row be buried in oblivion ; therefore, like sensible men 
 in office, they preferred the old adage, that a still tongue, shews 
 a wise head. And silence was the order of the day. 
 
 Penelope was so alarmed during- the contest, that Make- 
 money had his work to do to prevent her from fainting ; but on 
 Sprightly learning her address, he relieved his uncle from his 
 dear charge, by putting the elegant little ( piece of frailty/ into 
 a hackney coach, settling the fare, and thus got rid of her com- 
 pany altogether. 
 
 On the Pilgrims looking and laughing at each other, after 
 peace was restored, the face of Turf was a littte bruised in the 
 skirmish ; Flourish had received a black eye ; Sprightly a cut on 
 his nose ; and Makemoney a sprained ancle, besides sundry blows 
 in divers places. 
 
 It might have been imagined, after quietness had been obtain- 
 ed, that the PILGRIMS would have made the best of their way 
 home ! But not so, when the wine is in the head, the wit is out 
 of it ; (which, in this instance, appeared to be the fact,) and 
 the very last place thought of was HOME ! 
 
 Turf, the leader upon this occasion, proposed to finish the 
 night at a well-known coffee house, " Strictly in good taste," 
 said he, " contiguous to the Banks of the Thames. Over our 
 tea, or coffee, we shall get a little to rights ; besides, we 'shall 
 have something to occupy our mind ; and we are told, that the 
 ' proper study of mankind, is man:' we cannot have a finer illus- 
 tration of the adage than in this place of refreshment. You will 
 have, my worthy Pilgrims, a fine opportunity of viewing society 
 in all its bearings, from high to low, rich and poor, honest men, 
 depraved characters of all sorts, splendid cyprians, and ragged 
 unfortunates in short, a complete mirror of human nature. 
 
 The proprietor opens the door of this establishment, which 
 commenced many years since, at four-o'clock in the morning, and 
 originally it was intended for the accomodation of the marke4 
 people only, but like every other thing in society, abuses will 
 creep in ; therefore, it accounts for fellows like ourselves be- 
 coming visitors to obtain information, who can spend a pound 
 without feeling the loss of it ; while there are others who can 
 scarcely muster the price of a cup of coffee, to keep life and 
 soul together, who have been prowling the streets all night. 
 Splendour and misery, at times, are both very prominent in this 
 receptacle, it being a sort of republic, distinction of persons is 
 not attended to, and Jack is as good as his master." 
 
 Makemoney had scarcely seated himself amongst the motley 
 crew, before he was astounded, although rather disordered in his 
 intellects, from the effects of liquor. Flourish looked unutter- 
 able things, as much as to say, " Can such things be ?" Spright- 
 ly, who had never mixed with such a heterogenous mass of 
 society, looked lost in wonder, and contemplated in silence, but 
 Turf, felt himself quite at home as an old customer, and acquainted 
 
316 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 with every movement in life, enjoyed the surprise manifested by 
 the Pilgrims, witnessing- thing's they had never seen before 
 between heaven and earth. 
 
 The Pilgrims strictly followed, the advice of Turf, not to 
 suffer themselves to be f drawn out,' upon any occasion what- 
 ever, " I will not suffer you," said he, " to be picked up as 
 flats, while you are in my company." In consequence of this 
 admonition, they resisted all attempts at conversation with either 
 male or female, who had addressed them. 
 
 After a cup of coffee, Makemoney felt the effects of late hours, 
 and * keeping- it up/ beg-an to yawn, and ultimately fell asleep. 
 Flourish and Sprightly were equally drowsy and stupid, and 
 thought a few winks might refresh them ; and the experienced 
 Turf, with all his care and watchfulness, was compelled to 
 succumb to the fatigues of nature, and, like the rest of his 
 companions, lost in the arms of Somnus. 
 
 It is urged there is a time for alt things, so it occurred with 
 the worn-out Pilgrims ; and HOME, ultimately became the ob- 
 ject in view. 
 
 On Makemoney opening his eyes, he stared with astonish- 
 ment, and looked round the room full of doubts and fears, 
 " Where am I ?" was the exclamation. The place was entire- 
 ly cleared of all the visitors, except his three companions with 
 their heads upon the table fast asleep. He aroused them from 
 their lethargy, observing, " Don't you think it is almost time 
 to go home ?" 
 
 " Yes, yes/' replied Turf, " ha ! ha ! ha ! but we have had 
 one advantage in not going to bed, we are up and dressed, and 
 ready for any other adventure that may offer itself." 
 
 " Enough is as good as a feast," answered Flourish, " I am 
 quite satisfied with the experience of this day and night's 
 pilgrimage." 
 
 Makemoney, after looking about the room for some time, 
 could not perceive his hat, when he immediately rang for the 
 waiter, " Have you seen my hat ?" said he, " I had it safe enough 
 before I went to sleep !" 
 
 " I do not doubt your assertion, sir," replied the napkin hero, 
 with a grin upon his countenance, " but gentlemen should never 
 go to sleep here, without they keep one eye open ! But you are 
 lucky, sir, I see your shoes are safe." 
 
 " What do you mean by that ?" asked the old Citizen, " I 
 don't understand you My shoes safe ?" 
 
 "It is true, sir, that shoes have been known to walk off from 
 this room without having any feet in them. Ha! ha! ha! 
 There are a number of extraordinary clever artists who vi*it this 
 establishment, who are not particular what they take besides tea 
 and coffee ! Wigs too have been missing here at times : and so, 
 would the heads that belonged to them, if they had been 
 loose ?" 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL 317 
 
 " My gloves are gone after the hat, I suppose ?" said Flourish, 
 " they are not to be found where I left them." 
 
 "They have kid-did them, as the artist calls it," answered 
 the waiter ; " that is boned them ; or, in other words converted 
 them to their own use, under the idea they were their own. 
 Mistakes will happen you know, gentlemen." 
 
 " You are a wag-," observed Sprightly, " and a punster into 
 the bargain ! but the sooner we are off the better, now we are 
 wide-awake I Ha ! ha ! ha !" 
 
 " True, my boy, true," answered Makemoney " it won't do 
 to be caught napping again. What is the hour, waiter ?" 
 
 " We take no note of time here, sir," replied the waiter, " our 
 visitors, in general, have a very little to do with time, except 
 the loss of it." 
 
 " Severe ; but just !" remarked Flourish, te Sprightly, you can 
 tell us the hour?" 
 
 On Sprightly putting his hand to his pocket his jollity for- 
 sook him in an instant, and his countenance was changed alto- 
 gether " My watch is gone !" said he. 
 
 " Gone !" exclaimed the old Citizen, tc Impossible!" 
 
 " Gone !" observed Flourish, " you mistake ; feel for it again!" 
 
 " But you had a guard to it," said Turf, with a smile on his 
 face; " and I thought from the look of it, a very strong one." 
 
 " The guard, watch, and seals are all gone !" answered 
 Sprightly, " 1 must have slept sound, indeed, not to have felt 
 any tug at it." 
 
 "If your guard has deserted you," replied Flourish, " it is 
 hopeless. Are your teeth all safe ? Ha ! ha ! ha !" 
 
 " The snoozing system is always a dangerous one, where pro- 
 perty is concerned," observed the waiter, with a sneer, " but we 
 lost our dial one night, when our eyes were open, and wide 
 awake. There is no guard-ing against such events." 
 
 "If that was the case," said Makemoney " it is high time 
 to be missing ; or, we may be lost ourselves ; and a reward 
 offered for us ; ha ! ha ! ha ! Let us keep our own secrets, that 
 we may not have the laugh of the public against us." 
 
 " Be it so," said Turf, " therefore, as soon as we can, let us 
 hide ourselves in a drag, it will not do to show ourselves in the 
 street at this time of day. A hackney coach was immediately 
 at the door, the Pilgrims jumped into it, without delay, and in a 
 very short time they found themselves comfortably seated in 
 Makemoney 's drawing-room, when Flourish exclaimed, " After 
 all that I have seen, ' L' experience est la maitresse dcs 
 fous!" 
 
318 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 The Pilgrims in training a horse cannot always be running 
 at the top of his speed ; and the strongest men require rest 
 when they put NATURE to the test. FLOURISH, SPRIGHTLY, 
 and MAKEMONEY restored to their pristine state of health, 
 and anxious to start upon another cruise. The Pilgrims 
 once more on the Thames., enjoying all its nautical grandeur, 
 united with the picturesque and pleasing variety of its sce- 
 nery, developed on its banks. A character on board of the 
 steamer an ENGLISH DON JUAN a man of sentiment an 
 appalling picture of the destruction occasioned, by dissipa- 
 tion and libertinism on the human frame : a portrait for in- 
 considerate young men to analyse, before it is too late, in 
 all its bearings depicted by TURF in an artist-like manner. 
 Modern Antiquity ; or, the mansion built with stones from 
 old London Bridge its various comical designations and 
 allusions by the passengers, who pass and repass it, up and 
 down the River. A sketch of the Proprietor, by the old Citi- 
 zen. MAKEMONEY determined to participate in the amuse- 
 ments of GRAVESEND, without any restraint ; according to 
 the maxim, ' that when you are at Rome, do as Rome does' 
 Remarks, by the old Citizen, on the rapid rise of Gravesend 
 in the estimation of the public, as a convenient and fashion- 
 able watering-place contrasted with his boyhood days, to 
 the downhill of life. With a variety of other circumstances 
 which presented themselves to the PILGRIMS, during their 
 trip to Grsvesend : 
 
 There's a magnet OLD THAMES firmly holds in his mouth, 
 
 To which all sorts of merchandize tend ; 
 And the trade of all nations WEST, NORTH, EAST, and SOUTH 
 
 Like the needle, points right to GRAVESEND ! 
 
 AFTER a storm comes a calm, it is said, and some little time oc- 
 curred before the Pilgrims were again ready to start : they were 
 compelled to undergo a kind of training, to recover from the 
 effects of the Vauxhall row. 
 
 The black eye of Flourish induced him to keep within side of 
 his house for a short period he had too much good sense to 
 show himself to the public ; and, under any circumstances, 
 nothing has so much the appearance of ' low life !' about a man's 
 face, as that of a damaged eye. 
 
 Sprightly's nose, in point of look, was equally unpleasant to 
 

IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 319 
 
 his feeling's ; and he likewise preferred retirement, rather than 
 brave the laugh and jeers of his acquaintance and friends ; until 
 time and repeated applications should have restored it to its 
 original character. 
 
 Makemoney had nothing outwardly against his appearance ; 
 therefore, he could hobble about under an excuse of an attack 
 of the gout ; and Turf, retreated to his cottage, to enjoy the 
 country air, and laugh at the plight in which he had left the 
 Pilgrims. Thus matters stood for a short period. 
 
 However, possessing all the enjoyments of life at home, time 
 did not hang heavily upon their hands, although they did not stir 
 outside their doors. But at length, all impediments vanished, 
 and a trip to GRAVESEND was carried mem. con. Timely inti- 
 mation of their wishes were communicated to Turf ; and he, 
 without delay, sent the following letter : 
 
 " Turf Cottage 
 
 To one and all of you. 
 
 My dear Pilgrims ! 
 
 I hope that none of your friends, Flourish, 
 
 can now say that black is the white of your eye. Also, that Sprightly's bowsprit 
 will soon be ready for actual service ; and I rejoice to hear, the tough old Commo- 
 dore, Peter Makemoney, Esq., will again hoist his flag for another cruize. Suc- 
 cess to all sound hearts, and true bottoms. The loss of the Commodore's hat in 
 his last voyage, is of no moment to me, when I am assured that his head is all right. 
 I met, yesterday, poor Penelope, on Richmond Hill, brim-full of grief, for the 
 loss of her heart which, she says, she has never heard of since she was in com- 
 pany with ' O dear, what can the matter be ?' But every man to his own 
 
 business, therefore, I say, Gravesend, ahoy! I will be with you, my jolly boys, 
 in good time. Your's to the end of life, 
 
 To the Pilgrims. CHARLES TURF." 
 
 " I am heartily glad that he has accepted of our invitation," 
 
 said Makemoney, " either at home or abroad over the bottle, 
 
 or in any other shape, he is an invaluable companion. Turf, in 
 
 my mind, is exactly the character which Shakspeare describes: 
 
 A merrier man, I never met withal. 
 
 The night before starting, Turf arrived in London: and a 
 jolly evening was the result : but sobriety the leading feature. 
 The next morning they were all on board of the steamer before 
 the bell gave notice " off she goes !" 
 
 On the Pilgrims entering the saloon, accompanied by Tuif, 
 the latter almost stood aghast with horror and surprise, on 
 beholding a person once well known at the West end of the 
 town in all the gay circles of society, propped up in one corner 
 and wrapped in a heavy cloak to keep himself warm ; his face 
 was deadly pale ; in fact, he was an illustration of those em- 
 phatic words, sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans every thing ; 
 yet it did not appear from the effects of age. His voice was 
 completely gone ; and it appeared like a hollow whisper when 
 he addressed Turf " Don't you know me Mr. Turf ? I think I 
 
:V20 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES. 
 
 am a little altered since you first knew me ? I am going to see 
 what the fresh air will do for me in the neighbourhood of 
 Gravesend ;" This exertion seemed too much for him, and he 
 reclined his head against the side of the vessel 
 
 Turf, who did not like to play the hypocrite, nor to ill-treat 
 an apparently dying man, replied " Certainly you do not look 
 well," and abruptly left the saloon, and went upon deck. He 
 was followed by Sprightly, Makemoney, and Flourish, to know 
 the cause of his hasty departure. 
 
 " I cannot, will not, sit down in the company of a wretch 
 that I despise ; he is a disgrace to society." replied Turf, *' His 
 appearance is odious to my feelings." 
 
 " A more emaciated being I never saw in my life," said Make- 
 money, " Who is he ? At all events, he is not long for this 
 world !" 
 
 " He is well known amongst the people of fashion under 
 the title of the * English DON JUAN; or, lady-killing Fred!' 
 He appears to have had a summons from death ; but while he 
 can put one leg before the other, he will mix with society; in- 
 deed, I shall not be surprised to hear that he is found dead at 
 one of the theatres: he is restless, and cannot stay at home ; but 
 he never will be able to return to town." 
 
 " No," replied Flourish, " I think Gravesend will finish 
 him !" 
 
 " Yes," urged Sprightly "he is bound for Grave's-end !" 
 
 ft Will you be kind enough to give us an outline of his cha- 
 racter," said Makemoney " an English Don Juan will be worth 
 hearing about, I rather anticipate." 
 
 " He was," said Turf, " when I first knew him, considered a 
 perfect Adonis in form : he valued himself highly on the beauty of 
 his person ; and he likewise flattered himself that no female 
 whatever could resist his advances. He commenced life when 
 quite a youth, long before his majority, with a splendid fortune 
 fine estates, &c., but all his thoughts were bent upon the ruin 
 of the sex ; and I regret to say, that too many of his schemes 
 were successful ; yet, strange to say, he was a sordid miser in 
 every thing else, but spending his money in profusion to over- 
 throw the mind of the females he had set his roving eyes upon. 
 
 "His cruelty and desertion of some of his victims, were of so 
 diabolical a nature ; that my indignation will not let me repeat 
 them. He was a bully and a coward in the same breath. He 
 was a single man, to all intents and purposes and his love for 
 women, was out of the question; it was the most unbridled 
 lust. 
 
 " He had studiously and indefatigably made himself master 
 of every accomplishment that could tend to render him an ob- 
 ject of attraction with the fair sex. He spoke French fluently, 
 and with as good an accent as the most gentlemanly Parisian 
 his dancing was elegance, personified ; and in manners, and 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 321 
 
 politeness he was a perfect Chesterfield. In truth, he was a 
 most dangerous, insinuating- fellow in the company of females ; 
 and had he taken a right course, must have been a hero 
 amongst men. He had occasioned, by his vile arts and dupli- 
 city, more misery and destruction to several families of the most 
 reputable description, than a life of a thousand years could 
 ever make atonement for. His character became so notorious 
 and despicable, that the door of every family, who valued their 
 reputation, was closed against him ; but whenever his vile strata- 
 gems failed him, to complete the degradation of a female, he, 
 demon-like, lost no time to blast her reputation, if possible, in 
 the dark. He is an assassin of the blackest dye, a complete sen- 
 sualist, and as to feeling, he only knows it by name. 
 
 " He boasts amongst his companions, that he has lived all the 
 days of his life, if not a few days more, as if his opinion of men 
 and manners could have any weight, except in circles where 
 such wretches as himself, only meet. 
 
 " He has outraged NATURE to its fullest extent ! He ap- 
 pears to be now in the last stage of consumption, full of misery, 
 excruciating pains, and agony. His premature imbecility is 
 frightful ! for he has not reached any thing like the age of what 
 is termed an old man ! Nothing can console his mind, accord- 
 ing to report, horrors overwhelm him when he reflects on his 
 wanton crimes. He is dying by inches, and nothing can conceal 
 from him that he is fast approaching to death ! 
 
 A motley train Fever with cheek of fire, diseases thick, 
 Consumption wan ; Palsy half warm with life ; 
 And a half clay clod lump ; joint-tottering gout, 
 , And even-gnawing rheumatism, convulsion wild ; 
 Swollen dropsy, panting asthma, apoplex, 
 Full gorg'd. These too the pestilence that walks 
 In darkness, and the sickness that destroys 
 At broad noon -day ! 
 
 fc I am sorry to say, however uncharitable it may appear, 
 that I have not the slightest pity for him ; because, his errors 
 were committed wilfully ! He was cold and deliberate in all 
 his attacks on females ; and the most calculating seducer that I 
 ever knew, or heard of. There was not a single redeeming point 
 point about his character. 
 
 " He was the complete destruction of a family, that came 
 under my own immediate observation, who were most intimate 
 acquaintances of mine. An only daughter, living with her 
 father, a widower, beautiful as Hebe, with a host of suitors in 
 her train, and the pride and envy of her sex. He proposed 
 marriage to her father, and was accepted ; that circumstance 
 gave him a familiarity of visiting in the house, which otherwise 
 could not have taken place ; unhappily, she became fond of the 
 wretch, and viewed him as her future husband. In an unfortunate 
 hour, she became a victim to his machinations, and by his arts 
 
 2 c 
 
322 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 induced to elope from her father's residence. Villain like, he 
 soon became tired of his victim, and deserted her for another, and 
 fled to the Continent. Her venerable parent, one of the highest 
 spirited men that ever existed, became so overwhelmed with 
 grief, he died broken-hearted. The girl, without a friend or re- 
 lative to call her seducer to account, and meeting with bad ad- 
 visers, ultimately, became a miserable prostitute, and died in the 
 hospital. Justice though slow, is sure ; he has been overtaken 
 in his villainy, and he will die despised and hated by all man- 
 kind. 
 
 " I am not a vindictive man, neither do I wish to pursue ven- 
 geance beyond the grave ; but when we see the peace and hap- 
 piness of whole families totally destroyed by such cold, delibe- 
 rate wretches, patience, in my humble opinion, becomes a crime, 
 and it is the duty of every man to express his detestation of such 
 infamous conduct! 
 
 " He must be a bad man indeed, who cannot find some per- 
 son that will offer a word, or two in mitigation of his conduct ; 
 but of this I am assured, that none will pity, but many will rejoice 
 at his death: the curses of wretched girls, and the maledictions of 
 broken-hearted fathers and mothers, will hover over his grave, 
 and serve as a monument to his infamous remembrance. 1 again 
 repeat, I am not a vindictive man, but if I could erect a stone to 
 convey the above information to the rising generation of females, 
 as a beacon to avoid such monsters in human shape, no expense 
 should deter me from such an act. His last moments must be 
 dreadful to him if reason holds her seat : 
 
 Let no dark crimes, 
 
 In all their hideous forms, then starting up, 
 
 Plant themselves round my couch in grim array, 
 And stab my bleeding heart with two edg'd torture, 
 Sense of past guilt, and dread of future woe. 
 
 " Let us leave him to his fate/ 5 observed Flourish, " and at- 
 tend to subjects of a more cheerful nature." 
 
 The Pilgrims after promenading up and down the deck of the 
 steamer, and letting no object escape their notice, worthy of ob- 
 servation, on both sides of the Thames, when they came opposite 
 Greenhithe, Flourish put up his telescope to take an accurate 
 view of a new mansion which presented itself to his view. 
 
 A smartly dressed man, rather of a sporting aspect, with a 
 certain sort of dash about his character, and one, who seemed to 
 have lived all the days of his life, and, according to the vulgar 
 phrase ' up to a thing or two !' thus addressed him, " That 
 building, sir, is a great object of attraction to the passengers 
 who daily pass, and repass it, on their trips to and from Graves- 
 end." 
 
 " The situation is delightful," replied Flourish, and a splen- 
 did retreat from the fatigues and cares of office, that a monarch 
 might be delighted with." 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 323 
 
 " It must always prove an interesting- feature to the spectator 
 from two circumstances connected with its erection. The stones 
 which compose the building-, formerly belonged to the Old Lon- 
 don Bridge, therefore, as a matter of antiquity, united with mo- 
 dern taste, it becomes rather important as an object of curiosity." 
 
 " It has, I understand/' replied Makemoney, " cost already a 
 pretty round sum ; thousands of pounds have been expended 
 upon it, and thousands of pounds are still required before the 
 mansion is complete." 
 
 " It reminds me of an old song/* said Sprightly, " which my 
 nurse has often sung me to sleep with. 
 
 London Bridge is -broken down, 
 
 Dance over my Lady Lea ; 
 London Bridge is broken down, 
 
 With a gay lady ! 
 
 Build it up with silver and gold, &c. 
 
 f< I do not care a fig for its architecture," observed the sport- 
 ing man, " and the grounds beautifully as they are laid out, sink- 
 into insignificance by comparison, with the proprietor of the man- 
 sion, when his name is mentioned Alderman HARMER. It has 
 been jocularly called ' Thieves Hall !' and a variety of other desig- 
 nations, in allusion to the great success which attended the prac- 
 tice* of Mr. Harmer, in the character of solicitor, and the frequent 
 acquittals of certain parts of the population deemed cracksmen, 
 soft robbers, high toby gloques, fogle hunters, c.&c." 
 
 " I know him well, Horatio," said Turf, " the briefs of Soli- 
 citor Harmer, were short, pithy, and common sense : the counsel 
 had only to cast their eyes over them, and the case presented 
 itself to their notice at the first blush. There is no doubt but he 
 has by his ingenuity, exertion, and knowledge of the criminal 
 
 * It is a sound maxim, that every man is presumed innocent until he is found 
 guilty ; and every individual under doubtful circumstances, has a right to pro- 
 cure the best assistance within his grasp. When a man's liberty, or his life is in 
 danger, gentility of feelings, or practise, is entirely out of the question, and re- 
 minds us of a dialogue which took place in a court of justice, between the late 
 Judge Garrow, when a brow- beating barrister, and the well-known Bow-street 
 officer, the late Jack Townshend, as ' to the mode of yetting a living .'* 
 
 Question. How do you get your living, sir? 
 
 Answer. You know me very well, Mr. Garrow. 
 
 Question. I insist upon knowing how you get your livelihood. Recollect, 
 sir, you are upon your oath. 
 
 Answer. Yes, sir, I have taken a great many oaths in my time, but I ought to 
 have said, professionally. 
 
 Question. To the question, sir ; and no equivocation. 
 
 Answer. Why then, sir, I get my living in the same way as you do. 
 
 Question. How is that, fellow ? 
 
 Answer. I am paid for taking up thieves; and you are paid for * getting 
 them offV that is much about the same sort of thing. 
 
 Question. You consider yourself a sharp shot, don't you, fellow ? 
 
 Answer. No, sir, but I like to hit the mark ! 
 
 Question. You may stand down, fellow! 
 
 Answer. I am glad, sir, you found me UP J 
 
 , 
 
324 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES. 
 
 law, saved the lives of several guilty men, almost with ropes 
 round their necks. Although not considered an eloquent man, 
 yet, he was viewed, in difficult cases, one of the most able defen- 
 ders ; gentlemanly and persuasive in his manners and address ; 
 and much better than all the rest, his orations before the magis- 
 trates, were short, but emphatic and decisive." 
 
 " True," answered Makemoney, " he had deservedly the cha- 
 racter of a clever man, a first-rate lawyer in the criminal courts, 
 and Mr. Harmer was listened to with the greatest attention. There 
 was also a firmness about his mode of speaking which had great 
 weight with the justices of peace in town and country ; he never 
 appeared in doubt, hesitation ,on his part, was entirely out of the 
 question, his mind was always made up, that seemed to infer 
 that he had the law at his fingers ends. 
 
 " His PERSONAL practise was immense at one period of his 
 career/' said the sporting man/' and he might have been term- 
 ed ihejlying solicitor, for he was daily to be seen at three or 
 four of the police offices. The magistrates liked Mr. H., because 
 he gave them little trouble ; he always saw his way clearly, and 
 whenever danger appeared to any extent, to individuals, his 
 assistance was sought after with avidity ; and if his clients only 
 told the truth to him, it was two lo one in their favour. 
 
 " The first case that brought him into notoriety with tbe pub- 
 lic, as a lawyer, that 1 recollect/' was' the book he published 
 respecting Holloway and Haggety, to prove their innocence. At 
 the execution of the above men in the Old Bailey, upwards of 
 thirty person were trod upon, and died from suffocation, and the 
 immense crowd." 
 
 " But one of the most triumphant things of the soit," answer- 
 Makemoney, " was his rescuing a young man of the name of 
 George Mathews, from the jaws of death, removing him from the 
 condemned cell, ultimately obtaining for him a free pardon, and 
 also clearing him of the crime alleged against him, likewise ex- 
 posing the cruelty and vengeance of his prosecutor, against the 
 most overwhelming influence!" 
 
 " In most of the great criminal prosecutions, w T hich agitated 
 the mind of the public," said Flourish, " the name of Harmer, 
 always stood conspicuous ; either for or against, his services were 
 to valuable to remain idle." 
 
 " But in the immense law suit and trial of the House of 
 Kinnear and Co.," urged Turf, " which excited the attention of 
 the merchants both in London and Liverpool, placed the talents 
 of Mr. Harmer, as a lawyer in the most eminent point of view. 
 Kinnear was a host in himself, a perfect Crichton for a know- 
 ledge of the world, the study of mankind, and a giant at 
 finesse. He might have have been compared to Cerberus ; for 
 he possessed the talents of three heads on one pair of shoulders. 
 Kinnear, by his arts, had completely duped several solicitors, who 
 had been employed against him, they could not fathom his 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 325 
 
 depth. But when Mr. Harmer removed the rnasqued battery, he 
 was completely foiled, exposed, found guilty, and suffered some 
 years imprisonment. However, strange to say, Kinnear was so 
 delighted with the undaunted perseverance, and never-tiring 
 talents of Mr. II., who was not to be diverted from his most 
 difficult task, that he strongly solicited, on obtaining his liberty, 
 the latter would become his solicitor. This alone speaks 
 volumes, and the merchants of London presented Mr. Harmer, 
 with a splendid piece of plate for his valuable services !" 
 
 " In obtaining the title of Alderman," observed Makemoney, 
 " his numerous clients lost a valuable defender, as he could not 
 exercise his talents as a solicitor before the magistrates by plead- 
 ing for any person ; but, nevertheless, he serves his , country in 
 his character of Alderman, and his mode of disposing cases, 
 always tempering justice with mercy has met with the highest 
 approbation from the public !" 
 
 " He has always been a steady friend to the liberty of the 
 subject," said Turf, " and I understand his vote upon all public 
 questions, has been given on the liberal side." 
 
 " True, sir, true, he has been consistent in that respect," ob- 
 served the sporting man, "and his name appears at the bottom 
 of a widely circulated newspaper, as the principal proprietor 
 one of the boldest and most fearless on the list of journals. It 
 once obtained a distinguished feature in the sporting- world for 
 its reports connected with the turf, &c., and which feature might 
 have been said one of its stepping stones to fame and wealth for 
 a rising circulation with the public ; but since which period, it 
 has changed its character altogether, whether from a better 
 notion of things, or an improved taste, I am not aware, but the 
 pugilists, once its heroes, have been knocked about in all direc- 
 tions, nay, most of themfloored without a hit on the sconce, it is 
 urged that honesty is the best policy. The ' Blue-bottles/ accor- 
 ing to the cant phrase of the day, have also been thrashed with- 
 in an inch of their reputation, for tyranny of conduct, and un- 
 just detection. Likewise, the ' Swell-mob,' (gentlemen thieves, 
 who have a character to lose amongst their brother artists,) 
 have been shown up with a kind of &now#-castigation, which has 
 not only made them wince again, but to hide their diminished 
 heads. 
 
 Since laws were made for every degree, 
 To curb vice in others as well as me, &c. 
 
 yet, I have no doubt, that the DISPATCH, which has, and still 
 continues to prove a mine of wealth to Mr. Harmer, is conduct- 
 ed under the motto of e Fiat justitia mat coelum.' " 
 
 "Every hour of his life has been employed actively for the 
 benefit of society," said Makemoney, " and the civic coach will 
 never be better filled with a practical man, and one well versed in 
 the duties of the office, than when on his road to Guildhall, and 
 
'226 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 the chain of the Lord Mayor is placed round the neck of Alder- 
 man Harmer." 
 
 The Pilgrims, very soon afterwards, arrived safe at Gravesend ; 
 and without loss of time, began to participate inall its amusements. 
 
 " It is of no use visiting" a popular watering-place," said 
 Makemoney, " without unbending and making yourself quite at 
 home. It is a delightful trip from the metropolis, a sort of jump, 
 only two hours, nay, you are wafted from one place to the other 
 during the time you are occupied in reading a newspaper. What 
 alterations and improvements occur in the course of a few years, 
 united with enterprise and capital. When I was a boy, Graves- 
 end was a mere dog-hole by comparison to its present appear- 
 ance. It is now like a flourishing city ; fine houses, capital 
 libraries, theatre, numerous steam boats, &c., in short it is like a 
 new world." 
 
 " True, uncle," replied Sprightly, " there are delightful 
 walks, unbounded prospects, and such facilities, not only to 
 procure comforts, but amusements, until you are tired of them. 
 Besides excellent company, and meeting with old acquaintances. 
 A place like Gravesend, with such advantages near the Metro- 
 polis, must meet with immense patronage !" 
 
 " What do you say, sir," Turf asked Makemoney, " to a ride 
 upon a Jerusalem pony ? You seem rather fatigued with your 
 walk up hill, and a lift will refresh you." 
 
 " I most certainly would not trust myself upon the back of a 
 race horse, or contest a match for gentleman's stakes at Doncas- 
 ter, Epsom, &c.,but I see no cause for fear on the outside of a 
 donkey ; therefore, as our trip is entirely dedicated to pleasure, 
 ease, and comfort, a man has a right to unbend in any way he 
 my think proper ; provided it be of a harmless description, re- 
 gardless of the remarks a joke of his friends, however ridicu- 
 lous it may appear in the eyes of fastidious persons!" 
 
 " I have a nice donkey for you, sir," observed a fellow to the 
 old Citizen. " She is as safe as a go-cart. An old lady of 
 ninety, who is blind, has rode her without fear : and felt no 
 reluctance to let the donkey go where she pleased she is a sen- 
 sible creature, and if there is a bit of fresh air to he had in 
 Gravesend, she knows where to get it for my customers ; be- 
 sides an infant might hold her with the most perfect ease. She 
 can do everything but speak ; but howsomdever, she under- 
 stands wot 1 says to her, and by sundry signs, best known to 
 myself, she answers accordingly. Let me give you a leg up, 
 sir; you will find yourself as easy as if you vos on a bed of 
 down." 
 
 Makemoney was induced to mount the Jerusalem poney 
 " she is quite safe, I hope," said he. 
 
 " Safe as the Bank of England, sir, you shall hear the naked 
 truth, only listen. This ere donkey ought not to be called an 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 327 
 
 Jianimal ; she possesses more abilities than many of the human 
 race : without any reflections on the ladies and gents, who are 
 by-standers. It is a she-donkey, sir, and a lady christened it 
 Tacita, which she explained to me, meant the Goddess of Si- 
 lence. But I doesn't understand any laming-. Now Tacita, 
 mind as how wot I tell you be careful, and go slow ; because 
 you have got a gemman on your back. I knows him werry 
 veil. In the vinter time I am a costermonger, and I sarves your 
 house near the docks with wegetables ; therefore, as how, I 
 wouldn't let you have a shyer ; or, a kicking poney for the vorld. 
 Therefore, Tacita, you keep the line, and do not bolt." 
 
 The donkey would not move a step ; and the spectators were 
 convulsed with laughter at the awkward situation of Make- 
 money. 
 
 " Bolt .'" said Flourish, " why, she will not move a step. 
 Ha! ha! ha!" 
 
 " If you don't go," observed the coster-monger, " I must use 
 my persuader ; therefore, don't you get sulky, or else 1 must 
 tip it you, and no mistake. So percede at once." 
 
 Seeing the dilemma in which Makemoney was placed, a low- 
 life fellow began to shout and sing 
 
 If I had a donkey what wouldn't go, 
 Do you think I'd wollop him ? oh, no, no. 
 I'd give him some hay and cry ge woo ! 
 And come up Neddy. 
 If all had been like me, in fact 
 There' d been no occasion for Martin's hact ! 
 Dumb hanimals to prevent getting crack' t 
 Over the head. 
 Oh, if I had, &c. 
 
 " I say, ould chap, how long will you be getting to town ? 
 Three months, or half a year. The steam an't up, is it ? Ha ! 
 ha ! ha !" 
 
 " Come now, Mr. Spooney," said the coster-monger, don't 
 you laugh at, and behave rude to the gemman ; if you do as- 
 how, I will give you summut for yourself; so now you make 
 your lucky, for fear of an accident. The gemman is going on 
 werry veil, I'm sure he only vants a little fresh air, and he'll 
 get time, as much by sitting upon the donkey, as standing 
 upon the turf. I am werry sorry, sir," said he to Makemoney, 
 " but Tacita is not in spirits to-day, and harn't got the pluck to 
 move ; but to-morrow, sir, if you come to me on this ere werry 
 spot of ground, I will not charge you a copper for a ride, when- 
 you will find Tacita as fresh as a four year old ; and as lively 
 as a race-horse." The old Citizen finding he had been imposed 
 upon, got off the donkey,, and retired amidst the laugh of the 
 surrounding spectators observing to Flourish, " I'll have nothing- 
 more to do with Jerusalem ponies." 
 
 The Pilgrims had scarcely descended the hill, when they ob- 
 
328 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 served a splendid mansion, and a female elegantly dressed, sitting 1 
 at the window on the first floor. She immediately recognized 
 Turf, and with a graceful nod, gave him to understand that she 
 wished to speak to him. " It is the match-girl/' said he to 
 Makemoney, " go my friends to the inn, when I will join you 
 as soon as possible ; and relate the result of this interview." 
 The Pilgrims left him, when a servant in a rich livery was wait- 
 ing at the door to usher in Turf to his mistress. 
 
 " My dear Turf," she exclaimed, " I am .delighted to see you: 
 in brief I am an altered creature since I last saw you not the 
 same woman ! don't smile, but believe me, it is the truth. I am 
 married to a gentleman who is connected with a noble family ; 
 and of some importance in the state ; who really loves me ! 
 whose attention and liberal conduct towards me, since I have 
 hecome his wife ; makes me sincerely regret, that 1 ever was 
 a loose female." 
 
 " You please me, beyond expression," replied Turf, " Better 
 late than never." 
 
 " His proposals to me were so extremely generous, that I could 
 not mistake his attachment for me ; and when I found that he 
 would take no denial, I was determined not to deceivehim. I will 
 be equally honorable and generous too I exclaimed I have mo- 
 ney enough with a little economy to keep me like a lady ; during 
 my life ; but I will own to you, what I never felt before in my 
 life LOVE for a man; perhaps, when you hear my story, which 
 you shall, and not a particle of it disguised from the first to the 
 last you may be inclined to assert, I ought not to have intro- 
 duced the word LOVE ! I then told him the whole of my 
 unfortunate, disgraceful career, and finished my tale in the fol- 
 lowing words. 
 
 " You astonish me," replied Turf. 
 
 " I have been looked upon as a bad, designing, artful sort of 
 creature, without a soul, nothing like a heart ,- and to render 
 men subservient to my purposes. Perhaps I had better plead 
 guilty to the charges, or throw myself on the mercy of the 
 Court. But, nevertheless, it is my intention to become a good 
 woman, and by my future conduct, to make every reparation in 
 my power to ensure my own happiness, and to obtain, if possi- 
 ble, respect from society. 
 
 I have looked into myself with a most scrutinizing eye ac- 
 companied with an upbraiding conscience ; and I now see my- 
 self in its true light. But have a care of promises, said I to my 
 husband, the experiment on your part is truly a dangerous one; 
 there ha^e been many backsliders in the world ; and it is not 
 too much to assert, but I may add one to the number." 
 
 " I again repeat, be on your guard recollect the taunts and 
 sneers you are likely to meet from your friends respecting euch 
 a marriage. Look hefore you leap ; hut if after what I have 
 related to you, you are determined to make me your WIFE do 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 329 
 
 not reproach me with past circumstances, should any foolish, 
 trifling- quarrel ensue between us all ; ALL, must be hencefor- 
 ward buried in oblivion. Six months will I allow you for 
 serious consideration of the matter, that you may not be taken 
 by surprise ; and if after the end of that period,, you renew the 
 proposals, feeling' convinced that I shall act up to my assertion, 
 I will then say, there is my hand my heart my property ; and 
 will endeavour to fulfil all the honorable and sacred duties im- 
 posed upon a WIFE ; and make your home a paradise. 
 
 "At the end of six months, he did renew his proposals of mar- 
 riage ; but I insisted he should take three months more : and 
 after that period had elapsed, I still hesitated and at the end of 
 twelve months, I became his partner for life. 
 
 " His noble conduct has so endeared him to me, that I love 
 him with an excess of admiration. He has raised me from in- 
 famy to happiness ; and I will never lose sight of the chance I 
 have obtained. Therefore, I am an altered woman, to all intents 
 and purposes ; do not believe me, but come and witness it. Not 
 when my husband is out, but when he is at home. I will then 
 introduce you to him : for in my opinion, to the open heart- 
 ed straight-forward Charles Turf a king 1 might consider 
 such an introduction an honor. Farewell ; but I shall expect a 
 visit from you, without fail." 
 
 Turf made his bow, and returned to the Pilgrims, who were 
 extremely anxious to know the result of his visit. ' " Wonders 
 will never cease/' said he, (( the match-girl is married ; yet it is 
 nothing more than 1 expected. She is an extraordinary creature 
 after all ; possessing talents to achieve anything, however diffi- 
 tult the task ; Charlotte Partridge is united to a man of fortune; 
 and of political importance in the country." 
 
 " How did she get rid of her gay spark, Rentroll ? I should 
 like to hear the way in which she managed that circumstance. 
 I think your story only went as far as her exit from the lock-up 
 house perhaps you would have the kindness to give us the 
 wind-up of it as it may be considered now she is a married 
 woman the climax of her career ?" asked Makemoney. 
 " I have no objection," answered Turf, "only listen." 
 " The match-girl, it should seem, never exactly overlooked 
 the charge of her being rather flushed with liquor at the mas- 
 querade, by Rentroll ; and also she rather thought there was 
 neglect about him he paid less attention to her and she per- 
 ceived a coyness that did not suit her feelings. He therefore, 
 was dismissed according to a vulgar proverb, with a flea in his 
 ear. Such a change in the conduct of the match-girl was quite 
 unexpected he could scarcely believe it true ; and treated it as 
 a joke, merely to try the effects of his attachment. But he had 
 slighted beauty the worst crime he could have committed to a 
 female more especially with an adept in matters of intrigue. 
 With pride, as the ci-devant match-girl now valued herself 
 
 2 D 
 
330 THE PIIGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 on her property ; and in consequence of her mixture with men 
 of the upper classes of society her wretched origin, was nearly 
 banished from her memory. 
 
 " Rentroll was caught before he was aware of it, paying- his 
 addresses to another shrine ; and the decree of Charlotte was 
 final. No appeal was suffered to be heard against? her man- 
 date. 
 
 " The sighs of Rentroll the sorrow he expressed his appli- 
 cations to be heard in extenuation, all, all, were useless : offers 
 of atonement, accompanied with a rich present she would not 
 listen to. He was proved a traitor to the cause, and he must 
 suffer judgment ' I cautioned you,' said Charlotte, 'on our first 
 agreement, that it should not be my fault if a separation took 
 place between us. I have kept my word ; therefore, there is 
 nothing harsh in my decision, and yourself only to blame. What 
 I have decided upon is entirely out of respect to myself. I am 
 once more free. And the name of Rentroll I shall not only 
 erase from the tablet of my memory'; but cease to think that 
 such a person ever had existence/ 
 
 " ' You cannot do so ! you will not, I am sure/ replied Rent- 
 roll, visibly touched c no, no, you do not mean it.' 
 
 " ' My mind is resolutely made up/ answered Charlotte, in a 
 very lofty tone ' therefore, do not annoy me any more on this 
 subject. If you persist you will compel me to call for assist- 
 ance, and expel you from the house/ 
 
 " ' Expel me from this house / replied Rentroll, rising in cho- 
 ler, and agitated. 
 
 " ' Yes, this house ; it is mine ! I am aware that you pre- 
 sented it to me but it is now mine by a legal claim ; therefore, 
 behave decorously, or else I shall put my threat into execution/ 
 
 " c Is it come to this ?' observed Rentroll ' am I awake are 
 my eyes open do not my ears deceive me ?' 
 
 " ' No, there is no deception/ replied Charlotte, ' Ha ! ha ! 
 ha ! It is true you have transferred your affections ! Poor fel- 
 low ! You could not help it. I am not at all angry for your so 
 doing ; perhaps, you have shown your taste, and I wish you 
 
 every pleasure with your new idol, the lovely Maria But 
 
 such changes are mere matters of routine with men of gallantry ; 
 and women are equally as fickle-minded, I am well aware ! But 
 Charlotte Partridge is not one of that class. Ha ! ha ! ha ! t 
 am a ncm-descript ; they do sneer at me, and say, I shall yet 
 be punished severely for my coldness, calculation, system, indiffer- 
 ence, and several other disagreeble phrases might be added it 
 may be so ! I cannot peep into futurity ! The wind changes, 
 and so do women ; some, I know, are moved by every blast, and 
 there is no fixing them in any quarter/ 
 
 " ( Do not enrage me beyond the limits of bearing, or perhaps, 
 I may forget myself, and do that, which I should be sorry for 
 afterwards," replied Rentroll, getting into a passion. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL 321 
 
 *' ' Keep your temper, young man, and listen Your threats 
 ftre useless, lam too well prepared for you ; a good general will 
 not suffer himself to be surprised. But to recur to the subject, I 
 will put it out of my power to act foolishly, I will settle every 
 shilling that I have got upon myself, while I possess sanity of 
 mind, then I cannot be overtaken, or upset in my resolution.' 
 
 "' How have I been mistaken in the character you now appear 
 to me I am thunder-struck !' said Rentroll. 
 
 " ' Yes, perhaps, the knowing one has been duped ; but you 
 must pay for your learning !' replied Charlotte, * Ha! ha ! ha ! 
 and the knowledge you have received in my company, will prove 
 of far more service to you, than all the dry routine lessons of 
 education/ 
 
 " After the rage of Rentroll had subsided a little, and he 
 could give utterance to speech, he observed, in a most indignant 
 tone, * My once violent attachment towards you, Charlotte, is 
 now changed to the most violent hatred, and I despise myself for 
 having spent one hour ; nay, a single minute, in the company of 
 such a woman, or rather the exterior of one ! Your presence 
 in future, would prove to me, disgusting beyond expression.' 
 
 " * Moderate your resentment, Rentroll,' Charlotte replied, 
 with a sneer, ' be gentlemanly ; and to show you how lady- 
 like I can behave, here is my hand, which I offer to you in friend- 
 ship. I sincerely wish you well, but the sooner you quit my 
 house, will restore me to a state of convalescence: yet, remem- 
 ber, never to annoy me any more, for fear of the consequences. 
 Here Betty, open the door, Mr. Rentroll is anxious to depart.' 
 
 "' I must depart, or perhaps, I might commit murder: at all 
 events, endanger your existence,' said Rentroll, * but I do hope 
 you will yet be punished for your ingratitude and treachery, and 
 that form of clay, for it cannot be human, yet be taught to feel 
 the most bitter sufferings, that can be inflicted on any person, for 
 the remainder of your life !' He then rushed out of the house. 
 " ' Poor Rentroll, ha ! ha ! ha ! He took it better, after 
 all, than I expected/ observed Charlotte, ' so much for Buck- 
 ingham.' " 
 
 " My indignation would have so far got the better of me," ob- 
 served Flourish, " that I would have shot her without the slight- 
 est remorse ; surely, there could be no sin in ridding the world of 
 such a demon in petticoats ?" 
 
 " Hold hard !" said Turf, "till I have finished her portrait, and 
 then make what remarks you think proper 1 The match-girl had 
 since her elevation above rags and poverty, perused many books 
 with great attention, during her leisure moments ; and also united 
 her reading with a practical knowledge of society. She shuddered 
 frequently with horror on viewing those outcasts of society 
 unfortunate women, who seek a livelihood in the public streets ; 
 and who might have been, at one period of their lives, living- 
 equally in grandeur, if not superior, to herself. The match- 
 
332 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 girl despised the foolish motto, of a ' short life and a merry one ; 
 she preferred being called a creature of art, rather than the 
 mere plaything* of the hour, fondled, and carressed for a few 
 fleeting- weeks, or months, and then deserted like a pestilence. 
 
 " ' I have seen,' said she, ' some of the finest women in the 
 world, in a shorter space of time than could be believed, reduced 
 from thoughtlessness, dissipation, and beggary, worn out from 
 disease, passed home, in a cart, to their parish, and end their 
 wretched existence in a workhouse. Buried without a friend to 
 follow them to their graves, or, a sigh for their loss, or memory. 
 Such an end, I hope, will never be my fate/ 
 
 " * But to prevent such a termination to my career, I have learnt 
 the value of riches ; if my health is in danger, I can procure the 
 best advice, and the choice of physicians. And if riches will 
 not procure respectabi'jty in society, for doubtful females, 
 such a one as I am they will save me from the cut direct. 
 Riches will also keep me honest, when perhaps, poverty might 
 overbalance all my better feelings, and cause me to commit 
 crimes under wretched circumstances. Besides, rich persons ac- 
 cording- to the averag-e term of life, enjoy a greater longevity, 
 than those who are in want of the necessaries of life. A poor 
 man, or woman, is too often without a friend ; and most people 
 shun poverty almost as a crime, even old, intimate acquaintances, 
 are lost sight of and forgotten in the world. The possession of 
 riches make a distinction in every movement in life ; there is a 
 distinction felt between the rich thief and the petty larceny rob- 
 ber ; the judges appear to pity the respectable looking man at 
 the bar; and the officers of justice allow him favour, while the 
 poor wretch may faint from exhaustion.' 
 
 " f Besides, the opinion of the rich man has great weight in 
 all companies without shewing traits of Oxford or Cambridge 
 talents ; therefore, the acquirement of riches has been my study, 
 and I have found it superior to all the other accomplishments 
 put together. RICHES have procured me comforts, pleasure, 
 and attention, and few persons are to be met with, who will 
 not bow, succumb, and flatter the rich person. Then my deter- 
 mination has long been fixed, never to lose sight of the value of 
 property. 
 
 " 'I was a poor, miserable, wretched, poverty-stricken girl, at 
 one period of my life, and almost as ignorant as a dumb animal, 
 but, thanks to my instructor, the poor dead and gone banker, 
 when the daylight opened upon me as to a better view of 
 society, I then saw the world in a new light. I became a little 
 better acquainted with men and manners, and with practical ex- 
 perience I improved, at every step I advanced, and I devoured 
 all my lessons with avidity. It has been clearly pointed out to 
 me that if I became a rich woman, my origin would never, be 
 questioned ; my character, if it had been .a little loose, might be 
 bolstered up, and no questions asked whether I derived my in- 
 
IN SEARCH OF THF NATIONAL. 333 
 
 come from the funds., landed property, or inherited it from my 
 ancestors, so that I possessed the money to dazzle the eyes of 
 mankind. I have found it to be the truth, the whole truth, and 
 nothing- else but the truth !' 
 
 " ' Charlotte Partridge, the dirty, beggarly-looking, half-starv- 
 ed match-girl, by a single change of dress, a slice of luck, and 
 the golden, glorious opportunity having been seized upon, has 
 transformed me into a rich woman, but nevertheless, it has taught 
 me lo look down with fright and horror from the height I have 
 attained. I feel the lift, the great lift I have met with in the 
 world ; and it will be my constant study and aim to act upon 
 the system which has done so much for me, and keep me above 
 the frowns of mankind, in despite of the detraction and envy of 
 the world/ 
 
 " ' However, the old adage, assures us, the ' Devil is never 
 half so black as he is painted !' This may be rather a saving 
 clause to me, when I am seen at the Bank of England every half 
 year, with a handsome dividend from a round sum of money, 
 placed in the stocks at my disposal : it may tend, in a small de- 
 gree to wash the ' blackamoor white.' It is my intention to re- 
 tire to some part of England, where I am not known, live in 
 good style, as a woman of fortune ; and if riches can procure a 
 title, buy a place, obtain a character, a funeral sermon, an 
 epitaph, I may yet have the chance before I quit this wicked 
 world, to derive the appellation of an honest woman by 
 MARRIAGE !' " 
 
 " A fig for the promises of the match-girl," remarked Spright- 
 ly, " if she had the Bank of England for her fortune, and the 
 waters of oblivion could cleanse her from herimpurities,Iwould 
 not have her for a companion. To me the thought is disgusting, 
 a wife, indeed, after such a life ! No ! no !" 
 
 " Such systematic infamy," said Flourish, " I never heard of 
 before, it is terrific to any thing like sensibility of disposition, 
 the adage is fulfilled to the extent, e a wolf in sheep's cloth- 
 ing/ " 
 
 "Can the match-girl/' asked Makemoney, " be a woman * 
 There is nothing like flesh and blood about her, I am sure. If I 
 remained in her company long, I should be afraid of being 
 carried off in a flash of fire. A woman ! She is a devil ! A 
 dealers by wholesale in intrigue ! Her web is as dangerous to 
 men, as the spider, who entangles and destroys the fly!" 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! ha ! what a difference a word makes in the sense 
 of a thing," said Turf, " come, come, my worthy Pilgrims, be 
 more charitable, and do not set your faces against reformation. 
 Accept it always at the eleventh hour. 
 
 " I am inclined to think it is real ; and that it springs from 
 self-conviction! Previous to her alteration of mind, Charlotte 
 used to call it making a provision for herself. Putting a little 
 something by fora rainy day. Keeping the wolf from the door. 
 That a stitch in time saves nine. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Proverbs may 
 
334 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 be quoted, I am fully aware, to answer every purpose, and the 
 devil, it is urged, can cite scripture to illustrate his argument ; 
 but, as a farewell to the match-girl, I will merely observe : 
 
 Yet believe me, good as well as ill, 
 WOMAN'S at best, a contradiction still I 
 
 The above discourse was relieved by the appearance of 
 rather an elderly looking man, one of the tribe of Israel, bow- 
 ing to Makemoney, and who thus addressed the old Citizen. 
 " You are taking your pleasure, Mr. Makemoney, I perceive, I 
 am very glad to see you, Also retired from the fatigues of busi- 
 ness, like myself, I understand; and if you are fond of curiosi- 
 sies, I have a treat in store for you. I shall be happy to give you, 
 and your friends a seat in my carriage to Rochester, to view them. 
 " I call it a Musuem.) and I do not think you will be inclined 
 to quarrel with the term, when you visit it. The proprietor 
 is a jew, like myself, but a most fortunate man. We have been 
 told that the thrice Lord Mayor of London, made all his vast 
 riches by a cat ; and my friend, Mr. Levi, has realized all his 
 great wealth from an orange ; more properly speaking, and 
 consistent with truth A BASKET OF ORANGES ! He is a 
 complete pattern of industry and perseverance ; and although, 
 as the term goes, ' As rich as a jew !' Ha ! ha ! ha ! up to the 
 present time, there is no pleasure to him, like being in business." 
 " You have most certainly excited my curiosity/' answered 
 Makemoney, " Mr. Lovegold ; and if my friends here have no 
 objection to accompany me, I shall be delighted with such an 
 opportunity.'* 
 
 " For my part," said Flourish, " novelty and character are the 
 order of the day with us Pilgrims ; we are out upon a tour of 
 discovery : besides, it is not out of place ; neither do we travel 
 out of our road, it being connected with the Banks of the 
 Thames." 
 
 " True, my dear friend," observed Turf, " and it is also 
 in unison with the ' search of the NATIONAL !' The tars of 
 old England know how to keep the ' game alive !' at Rochester, 
 while they have a leg to stand upon. In war time, it was a 
 glorious place for the inhabitants. Fortunes were made in no 
 time. The publicans and tradesmen could not take money fast 
 enough. The theatre overflowed every evening ; and the tap- 
 rooms and parlours were all converted into ball rooms, to accom- 
 modate the brave fellows belonging to the wooden walls of old 
 England ; who were never happy but when the fiddles were 
 heard, dancing with their girls, and getting rid of every shot in 
 the locker before the anchor was weighed : 
 
 fr '.J08. 9ffJ flJ 
 
 'Tis said that with grog and our lasses, 
 
 Because jolly sailors are free ; 
 That money we squander like asses, 
 
 Which, like horses, we earned when at ica. 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 335 
 
 But let them say this, that, or t'other, 
 
 In one thing they're forced to agree, 
 Honest hearts find a friend and a brother, "jiifft $ ge ^jjj^ 
 
 In each worthy that ploughs the salt sea I 
 
 " It is impossible 1 should assert," replied Sprightly, " to 
 resist the opportunity of visiting the Museum, where the mind 
 will not only be gratified ; but surely some remnants of life and 
 spirit remain in Rochester and Chatham, although we are at 
 peace. At all events, let us try the experiment, and during our 
 ride, perhaps, Mr. Lovegold will have the kindness by way of 
 preface, to give a short outline of the proprietor of the Museum. 
 I anticipate considerable touches of eccentricity about his cha- 
 racter/* 
 
 " Nothing, rest assured," replied Mr. Lovegold, " can give 
 me greater pleasure, because Mr. Levi has been the architect of 
 his own fortune, unaided by a single friend in the world ; and 
 who has brought up a large and rather expensive family. It 
 might not be too much to observe, perhaps, that a great portion 
 of the houses in Rochester, including two very large wharfs, call 
 the above person master. Be that as it may, to the credit of 
 Mr. Levi, be it spoken, when quite a little urchin, necessity 
 compelled him to procure a livelihood, or, go without sustenance. 
 With a few halfpence for his capital, he first embarked on the 
 precarious ocean of life. 
 
 " He obtained a small basket, and with a \eryfew oranges, he 
 made his way to the theatre, and with the old phrase of the 
 people, ' Very cheap/ he invited his customers to taste the arti- 
 cles he offered for sale. 
 
 " This occurred during the time the inimitable DOWTON 
 was the hero of the tale, and where the splendid talents of the 
 latter were first discovered as a sound, legitimate actor, and inti- 
 tuled to the phrase of genuine. He was elevated to the boards 
 of Old Drury, from this town. His Sheva, Hassan, #c. have 
 never been surpassed for eliciting the emphatic effects of nature; 
 if equalled ! and who has stood his ground without a competitor. 
 
 " In addition to which, Master BETTY that precocious star in 
 theatricals, whose fame and popularity reached from one end of, 
 the kingdom to the other, visited Rochester, where his perform- 
 ances crammed the theatre every night. These circumstances 
 had the desired effect for the poor boy the excessive heat 
 of the theatre produced excessive thirst amongst the spec- 
 tators, and young Levi sold his oranges (like wildfire full 
 basket after basket were disposed of and the few halfpence 
 from a quick profit were soon turned into shillings ; and his 
 trifling capital ultimately assumed a more important aspect 
 in the scale of money matters, and derived the term of 
 
 PROPERTY. 
 
 " Gradually rising from one step to another, the rapid accumu- 
 lation of articles of all sorts, was the astonishment of every 
 
33C THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES. 
 
 person acquainted with the once narrow means of Mr. Levi. 
 He became a general merchant and nothing- came amiss to him, 
 if he could turn an honest penny, either by his purchase or sale ; 
 he bought houses, lands, wharfs, old vessels, iron, musical 
 instruments, books, paper, chairs, tables, jewellery, &c., and give 
 me leave to assure you, gentlemen/' observed Mr. Lovegold, 
 " that you cannot ask for any article in general use ; or others 
 of a more rare and scarce character, but you can be instantly 
 supplied with them from the museum of Mr. Levi." 
 
 Upon the arrival of the Pilgrims at the above place, on enter- 
 ing a very extensive yard, filled almost with cart-loads of old 
 iron ; various pieces of ship timber, broken up from worn-out 
 vessels ; large stones, wheels, carriages, &c., some of which 
 appeared in the last state of destruction ; and fragments of all des- 
 criptions, which appeared in the eyes of the Pilgrims absolutely 
 useless : were surprised, when told they were worth, at least, 
 several thousand pounds. 
 
 The building, or museum, consists of three stories of great 
 length ; but to describe the immense variety of articles in them, 
 would require a thick volume ; in fact, communication is out of 
 the question : but strange to say, Mr. Levi could go in the dark 
 and put his hand upon anything' he might want, without any 
 difficulty whatever ; his memory has been so trained to it, that 
 he has never been found at fault upon any occasion. He attends 
 to his business, assisted by his wife ; without any pride or osten- 
 tation shewing every thing with the greatest civility, whether 
 purchases are made or not, at the same time, gratifying the visi- 
 tors with the most ready answers in his power. 
 
 The first story of the building contains the greatest diversity 
 of articles that can be imagined good and bad toys for chil- 
 dren ; saddles, bird-cages, piano-fortes, &c., &c. 
 
 But the second gallery excited the astonishment of the Pil- 
 grims, to behold every article that, could be named; crowded 
 with household furniture, plate, glass, china, oil-paintings, &c., 
 worthy of situations in a palace. 
 
 The third gallery was equally well stored with beds, bed- 
 steads, looking-glasses, decanters ; papers of every description, 
 printed books, colours for artists ; wearing apparel, &c., &c., and 
 with the utmost readiness, Mr. Levi put a price upon each 
 article. 
 
 " It is worthy of remark," observed Mr. Lovegold, " to shew 
 the extent and variety of articles to be met with in this museum 
 of curiosities, that a gentleman made a heavy bet, that any arti- 
 cle, however rare or scarce, upon being asked for, could be in- 
 stantly purchased upon the spot." 
 
 The authority was doubtful ; the thing was thought totally 
 impossible ; when the wager was accepted with the utmost con- 
 fidence of success. 
 
 A SECOND HAND COFFIN was the article enquired for, 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 337 
 
 the person laughing in his sleeve, exclaimed with the greatest 
 exultation, " now I have puzzled you, Mr. Levi : Ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 you can no more shew me such an article, than you can the man 
 in the moon." 
 
 " I will soon put you right/' answered Mr. Levi, with the 
 greatest composure, "but do not hollow before you are out of 
 the wood. Step a few yards along with me, when you shall de- 
 cide the wager yourself, sir." Then pointing to the article in 
 question " I believe you call it a coffin ; and that you may be 
 prepared for such an event, and cause no expence to your survi- 
 vors, you shall have it a par gain." The gentleman retired from 
 the museum, astonished ; congratulating himself that the wager 
 had not been for a larger sum. 
 
 The above circumstance having been made public ; and which 
 also had created a great deal of conversation upon the subject, 
 another person who still doubted the resources of Mr. Levi, 
 offered a wager that he would name an article that the proprie- 
 tor of the museum could not produce. 
 
 This bet likewise was accepted, without the slightest hesita- 
 tion whatever; and, for a tolerable sum of money, when he 
 was asked what he wanted. 
 
 " A SECOND-HAND PULPIT 1" said he, anduo juggling : 
 but produce it instantly." 
 
 " If you had named a church, or a synagogue," answered Mr. 
 Levi, "ha! ha! ha! I must have been defeated; but within 
 three feet where you now stand, you will perceive a PULPIT 
 ready made to your hands ; and if you wish to proclaim aloud 
 that you have lost your bet, you have the opportunity of becom- 
 ing an orator, to express your defeat.'* 
 
 " Had I been inclined to have made a bet " observed Turf, 
 * l most certainly I should have betted against the production of 
 a PULPIT but opposition to a Seeond-hand COFFIN, I should 
 have offered without the slightest hesitation ten to oneJ" 
 
 "Strange incidents, 1 must admit," replied Flourish "but a 
 Second-hand Coffin, was shewn to us, if it has not slipped your 
 memory, containing a wax figure of the late George IV. lying in 
 state belonging to the Show-Folks, and which might be ex- 
 hibited again on a similar occasion." 
 
 " No assertion could be more in point or true " answered 
 Makemoney, " that travellers see strange things. I have been 
 highly amused with what I have seen, and the next time I visit 
 Rochester, I shall give Mr. Levi a call, for his museum will 
 bear inspection more than a second time." 
 
 " I really do not believe there is such another collection of good, 
 bad, and indifferent articles in the kingdom," urged Mr. Lovegold, 
 " but nevertheless, it is a repository of great utility to the neigh- 
 bourhood of Stroud, Rochester, and Chatham. The convenience of 
 such a place is beyond calculation, where all ranks in society may 
 be accommodated by a visit to Mr. Levi, and lay out their money 
 
 3 E 
 
338 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 to the best advantage. His dealings are on an immense tcale. He 
 will purchase large wharfs ; old ships ; cargoes, &c., with all the 
 ease and indifference of selling a few sheets of paper. Those 
 persons whose necessities compel them to raise money by art 
 immediate sale of their property, either to a large or small ex- 
 tent, find a ready medium by an application to. the proprietor of 
 the above museum. Such are the advantages arising from 
 industry, economy, and wealth supported by integrity/' 
 
 The Pilgrims retraced their steps to Gravesend ; bade adieu to 
 Mr. Lovegold for the kindness he had displayed in shewing them 
 the museum ; when the Steamer with all its celerity conveyed 
 them safe to London Bridge ; and a hackney coach brought them 
 safe to their residence, in the first City in the world ! 
 
 Over their glass of grog, before Somnus had the Pilgrims un- 
 der his care, Sprightly asked his uncle how long he had known 
 Mr. Lovegold. " He appears to me, a similar personage to the 
 keeper of the museum ; and I would wager a trifle, that he also 
 sprang from nothing." 
 
 " You are right," replied the Old Citizen ; " I knew Love- 
 gold, as the Jews term it, when he was upon the ' top of the 
 street :' but he was always a clever, shrewd calculating civil fel- 
 low. He had the art of turning rags into gold ! The main 
 chance was always r before his eyes. In truth the sons of Abraham, 
 understand the tact of getting money better than any other set 
 of persons in the world : but it is easily explained they act 
 upon system quick returns is their immediate object, and no 
 article whatever will they suffer to remain in their hands for a 
 single half hour, if they can get any profit by it. For instance, a 
 Jew boy will start early in the morning with only sixpence in 
 his pocket ; and with this sum he purchases some article or other 
 from servants ; he then returns immediately to some of his frater- 
 nity, or others, and perhaps sells it for nine pence, and thus by 
 buying and selling the whole of the day, his single sixpence, 
 sometimes has realized for his exertions before night, five or 
 six shillings." 
 
 " Mr. Lovegold commenced his career in the above manner, in 
 early life, he was out in the streets soon after daylight appeared, 
 with his bag upon his shoulder, he was extremely active on all 
 occasions, and never let f a pargain,' slip through his fingers. 
 His pence were quickly turned into shillings, the latter became 
 pounds, and step by step,' he rose amongst the monied interest, 
 into importance. He opened accounts with bankers appeared 
 on the change bought and sold to a large amount had an eye 
 to politics looked to passing events ; and neglected no oppor- 
 tunity to fill his coffers. He was a careful and a lucky man in 
 the same person: and he never spent a shilling that he could not 
 avoid. He ultimately turned money-lender to the young sprigs 
 of nobility who must have money at any price : and I have heard 
 that forty, fifty, and even sixty per cent, have been paid to him 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 339 
 
 for immediate cash: not thinking- that 'Gold may be bough* 
 too dear.' He has retired with an immense fortune ; and it is 
 but justice to say of him, that however ' hard bargains' he made 
 in the way of trade ; he is now charitable in the extreme to his 
 own people; and not at all wanting- in acts of generosity and 
 feeling- towards persons of other persuasions." 
 
 " Great an admirer as I am of Shakspeare, I think he has been 
 rather too severe in his remarks repecting- the Jews," said Turf. 
 " SHYLOCK would have his bond, it is true, but in my inter- 
 course with ' the people V I have found many noble hearted and 
 g-enerous men, alive to all the distresses incident to human nature, 
 and who were never backward in charitable acts. In trade, or 
 merchandize, I am ready to admit they will have the advan- 
 tage if possible, but in other respects, I have found them excel- 
 lent neig-hbours and sincere friends. The passag-e 1 allude to 
 is: 
 
 You m-iy as well go stand upon the beach, 
 And bid the main flood bate his usual height ; 
 You may as well use questions with the wolf, 
 Why he hath made the ewe beat for the lamb ; 
 You may as well forbid the mountain pines 
 To wag their high tops, and to make no noise, 
 When they are fretted with the gusts of heaven ; 
 You may as well do any thing most hard, 
 As seek to soften (than which what's harder,) 
 His Jewish HEART ! 
 
 " It is severe indeed ;" answered Flourish, " but I do not take 
 it in a g-eneral sense : individually, it appears to me, directed a- 
 gainst the unfeeling- conduct of Shylock !" 
 
 " Our next trip will be to Richmond that is, if it meets with 
 the approbation of my brother Pilgrims," said Makemoney, " as I 
 have a little affair to settle in the town ; and I feel assured you 
 will agree with me, that if there is one spot more than another, 
 where prospects and fine scenery be the object in view, on the 
 Banks of the Thames it is the Hill at Richmond." 
 
 " Any where? Every where !" replied Sprig-htly, " Only my 
 dear Uncle, you lead the way ; and the Pilgrims will follow t 
 Therefore, good night to all !" 
 
340 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 The PILGRIMS always on the alert ; another trip to Richmond 
 the churchyard a visit to the grave of the late EDMUND 
 KEAN, Esq., as an obligation to his splendid histrionic 
 talents. DE MORTUIS NIL NISI BONUM. Conversation 
 between MAKEMONEY, TURF, SPRIGHTLY, and FLOURISH, 
 respecting no monument having been erected over the re- 
 mains of so great an actor. Introduction of LAUNCELOT 
 QUARTO, the tourist ; the author's MS. respecting his visit 
 to WOODLAND COTTAGE, in the Isle of Bute, the selected 
 retreat of Shakspeare's hero, including a variety of origi- 
 nal anecdotes, never before published description of the 
 splendid picturesque scenery beauties of the Clyde ; the 
 interior of the cottage, paintings, books, presents made to 
 Mr. KEAN ; with a variety of interesting circumstances 
 worthy the attention of the lovers of the drama. 
 
 RICHMOND HILL, and its picturesque beauty again proved a 
 great source of delight to the Pilgrims, but on retiring from it, 
 they immediately repaired to the church yard, to take a view of 
 the monument of the late EDMUND KEAN, ESQ. But after tra- 
 versing the church yard from one end of it to the other, and 
 scrutinizing every thing in the shape of a tombstone, or monu- 
 ment, they felt greatly surprised to find nothing of the sort. 
 
 "Can such things be, 
 And overcome us like a summer's cloud, 
 Without our special wonder I' 
 
 exclaimed Makemoney, "no monument erected to Kean ? Im- 
 possible ! We must have mistaken the church yard. Let us 
 enquire of that old man yonder. Can you, my friend, point out 
 to us the precise spot where we shall find Kean's monument V 
 " Nothing of the kind/' replied the old man, " has been erect- 
 ed yet. There has been some talk about placing a tablet at the 
 head of his grave, or upon the wall of the church ; but nothing 
 more has been done ; however, a great many enquiries are almost 
 daily taking place on the subject, and much astonishment has 
 been expressed by every person visiting the church yard. After 
 the grand funeral he had, and the number of persons that follow- 
 ed him, it is rather strange to be sure. But he's gone, and it is 
 < Out of sight, out of mind !' The remains of the great actor 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 341 
 
 lay there, (pointing- to the spot,) where you see those letters 
 E. KEAN, said to have been written by a boy !" 
 
 " It has been urged, by a celebrated writer/ "said Makemoney, 
 "that praises on tombs are trifles, vainly spent! Be it so! 
 But surely some token, or some land mark is necessary to point 
 out the exact spot where so much intellectual talents are depo- 
 sited, more especially when it is recollected that the late Mr. 
 Kean, when in America, erected a monument to the late George 
 Frederick Cooke, Esq., at his own expense, in remembrance of 
 his great abilities in illustrating the text of our immortal bard/' 
 
 " There is an omission somewhere," replied Flourish, " why, 
 a PENNY subscription would have effected so desirable and 
 grateful object to the feelings. GARRIOK had his monument, 
 and why not KEAN?" 
 
 " It is, I think, a libel on the lovers of Shakspeare," observed 
 Sprightly, " to have let such a subject come under criticism. It 
 is not too late now to accomplish the erection of a monument 
 to so ' great a creature !' ' : 
 
 " Very true ;" replied Flourish, " I enter into all the spirit of 
 your wishes ; and better late then never ! Fulsome adulation is 
 not required ; but yet, common justice should be done! lam 
 for a plain monument, after the manner of the one erected in St. 
 Pancras Church-yard, to an authoress of first rate abilities ; the 
 late Mary Woolsloncraft Godwin ; the more simple the better: 
 
 HERE LIES 
 
 EDMUND KEAN, ESQ. 
 
 The above conversation was interrupted by a very spare, thin 
 looking man, a thread-paper sort of character, an author by pro- 
 fession bowing to the Old Citizen. 
 
 " My old friend, Mr. Launcelot Quarto*} I hope you are well," 
 said Makemoney, " but what brought you here?" 
 
 " The loss of talent," replied Quarto, " and to mourn with sin- 
 cerity and silence over the grave of one of the most distinguish- 
 ed men that ever appeared on the English Stage ; but I have 
 been wandering about for some time, and cannot find any traces 
 of it ! That should not be ! It is true, a whole length statue has 
 beenerectedto thememory of the late Mr. Kean, in therotundaof 
 Drury Lane Theatre ; and reflects much credit on those persons, 
 who were the authors of it ; yet, nevertheless, I must insist, that 
 some token, a sort of finger post, should have been placed over 
 his ashes, that every passer by might heave a sigh to his 
 memory." 
 
 " That is my opinion," replied Makemoney, " but a monument 
 will yet be erected over his grave 1 have no doubt. I will lend 
 a helping hand towards it !" 
 
 " It was Mr. Kean's wish during his residence in the Isle of 
 Bute," said Quarto, " to have been interred under his favourite 
 oak tree." 
 
342 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES. 
 
 " How, sir," asked Flourish, " are you aware of that circum- 
 stance?" 
 
 "In making a tour through Scotland, I visited the Banks of 
 the Clyde; and as a lover of genius under any circumstances, I 
 felt very anxious to see Woodland Cottage, the retreat of Shak- 
 speare's hero, where I obtained the above information. I made 
 several notes, upon every thing that came under my observation, 
 which I intend to publish, and am enabled to vouch for their 
 authenticity." 
 
 " I should very much like to peruse them," said Flourish, 
 " Have you them with you V 
 
 " I have/' replied Quarto, <( but perhaps the actor having 
 been dead for some time, you may not think the MS. attractive?" 
 
 " You are wrong there," observed Makemoney, " Every thing, 
 in my humble opinion, must be highly interesting respecting the 
 late Edmund Kean; therefore, if you have no objection, Quarto, 
 let us have the Manuscript to peruse without delay ?" 
 
 " I have not the slightest objection," answered Launcelot 
 Quarto, " and I also feel assured, that notwithstanding* your 
 great veneration for the Banks of the Thames, the Clyde, with 
 its romantic scenery, will highly excite your attention." The 
 M.S. was immediately handed over to the Old Citizen. 
 
 The Pilgrims soon afterwards quitted Richmond Church-yard, 
 for a splendid repast at the Star and Garter Tavern, and over 
 their wine, Flourish entertained them with a perusal of the fol- 
 lowing sketch of Woodland Cottage : 
 
 MR. KEAN'S COTTAGE AT BUTE A sail down the Clyde its pic- 
 turesque scenery, romantic Situation splendid Castles, Mountains, 
 
 Antiquities Port-Glasgow Greenock Rothsay Argyleshire, 
 
 and also a visit to Kean's Cottage in the Isle of Bute with a 
 description of the Grounds, House, Pictures, Library, Books, &c., 
 with several original anecdotes, never before published, of the late 
 Edmund Kean, Esq., Charles Incledon, and Oxberry, connected 
 with the above subject. 
 
 Praising what is lost 
 
 Makes the remembrance more dear. 
 
 SHAKSPEARE. 
 
 To those persons who are fond of the picturesque, sublime, and romantic sce- 
 nery, united with a trip by water, let them take a sail down the River and Frith 
 of Clyde, from Glasgow ; and all their wishes will be gratified in the highest de- 
 gree. On both sides of the River, its banks possess an interest of the most im- 
 posing character, either on account of its delightful, pleasing, fertility : or, for 
 the appearance of wildness, terrific grandeur, and alpine sublimity. 
 
 We started from the Broomielaw, where steam vessels go to Liverpool, Belfast, 
 England, Ireland, Wales, and the Highlands ; Dumbarton, Port-Glasgow, Gree- 
 nock, &c., to give anything like a description of the numerous Gentlemen's 
 seats, Fortifications, Towns, Mountains, Watering-places, &c. which continually 
 attract the eye of the traveller, on his passage to the Isle of Bute, in which the 
 late Edmund Kean, Esq. selected his retreat, would require a volume, and 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 343 
 
 that of no small .dimensions but it would be impossible not to notice one of the 
 most magnificent views in Scotland, on the right of Donaldson's Quay, compre- 
 hending a group of the beautiful scenery on the Clyde. Equally fine on passing 
 the ruinous fort of Dunglas. Of its remains, only a small round tower is seen, 
 with part of the wall, situated on a rock, on the water's edge, which has a vener- 
 able appearance, and heightens very much this part of the river ; the eastern as- 
 pect of the Rock of Dumbarton ; on the left, the coast of Renfrew, and the 
 towns of Port-Glasgow, and Greenock, their shipping, with the Peninsula of 
 Rosneath, and the lofty mountains of Argyleshire, form altogether one of the 
 most imposing prospects in North Britain. 
 
 Proceeding onwards, the view opens in the valley on the left, in which Loch- 
 Lomond lies. This view is also enriched by the mountain Ben Lomond in the 
 distance, and the neighbouring hills. Dumbarton Castle next appears this fa- 
 mous rock was supposed, anciently, to have been a volcano and considered to 
 have been by some writers as the Balclutha of OSSIAN : it is a huge bicapitated 
 rock, with nearly equal summits ; and was once a fortress of great strength, and 
 deemed almost impregnable. On the side next the river is seen the governor's 
 house, and barracks, with the lower and upper castles, anciently under different go- 
 vernors. It is still the residence of a garrison, and very much frequented by 
 travellers. Near the village of Renton, by its banks, is the old mansion-house 
 of Dulquhurn, in which was born Dr. TOBIAS SMOLLETT, the celebrated historian 
 novelist, and poet, who, in his delightful " Ode to Leveti Water," beautifully des- 
 cribes the characteristic charms of his native stream. A lofty column has been 
 erected to his memory. 
 
 Ardmore, distinguished by the name of the " Great Promontory" which is a 
 beautiful wooded peninsula, and very attractive by its running out a considerable 
 projection into the Frith. Newark Castle, a fine piece of antiquity, built in 
 1599, with a round tower near it. The castle appears much older; and it is viewed 
 as one of the most perfect buildings of its kind, in Scotland. It was once forti- 
 fied. From its situation and appearances it affords an admirable subject for 
 an artist. 
 
 Not far distant from Newark Castle is Port-Glasgow, a compact, well built 
 town, and a place of some importance ; it has an excellent dry dock, capable of 
 containing ships of 500 tons to be repaired. It has three excellent piers or quays ; 
 and the harbour is safe and commodious, having about fifteen feet water at 
 ordinary tides. Ship-building is carried on here, and an extensive rope-work, 
 sugar-houses, &c. 
 
 About a mile from the above castle is seen, the town and harbour of Greenock, 
 which, in the 18th. century, only consisted of a row of thatched houses but it 
 has increased so much in trade and population, that the inhabitants are calcu- 
 lated between twenty and thirty thousand. It contains many elegant houses. 
 In its two harbours, the east, and west, are several excellent commodious quays, 
 and a graving dock. 
 
 In 1812, a society was instituted for the encouragement of arts, and literature 
 and taste is said to be'much cultivated and cherished in Greenock the Clyde 
 here, expands into a beautiful and extensive basin, formed by the different pro- 
 montories on the opposite coast of Dunbartonshire ; and the scenery on the op- 
 posite coast, particularly the lofty rugged mountains, called Argyle's Bowling 
 Green, (pait of the western extremity of the Grampians,) exceedingly grand and 
 romantic. 
 
 The village of Gourock is situated on one of the most beautiful bays in Scot- 
 land hilly and mountainous, but extremely healthy ; and few places of equal 
 population, can boast equal instances of health and longevity ; the air of 
 Gourock is very beneficial in weaknesses of pulmonary complaints, and general 
 debility. The view of the shipping on the Clyde, continually passing it with 
 its wherries and fishing-boats, renders it attractive. 
 
 Numerous other delightful situations might be pointed out before you arrive at 
 Rothsay, the capital of Bute : which is a place of great antiquity, and enfran- 
 chised in the year 1400, and was at that period a royal residence ; Rothsay, 
 
344 TH& PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 the present day, is a well-frequented watering-place in the summer months. It 
 has an extensive hay, and several well-built houses ; but the princfpal object of 
 attraction and curiosity is, its very ancient Castle, and is frequently visited by 
 travellers of the highest rank in society. It originally consisted of a circular 
 court, one hundred and thirty eight feet in diameter, surrounded by a wall of 
 eight feet in thickness, and seventeen feet high, with battlements. The Court 
 was flanked by four towers, at nearly equal distances the gateway was on the 
 north side, betwixt two of the towers, and the lower part of it is still to be shewn 
 in the vaults of the additional buildings ; the whole was cased with hewn stone, 
 and surrounded with a wet ditch of considerable breadth, and about fifteen feet 
 deep ; It was, however, considerably enlarged by King Robert II, who built a palace, 
 projecting from the ancient gateway into the ditch. About fifteen years since, 
 the Marquis of Bute directed the rubbish to be removed from its ruins ; in con- 
 sequence of which, the foundations of several buildings which were not known 
 before, and several curiosities were also discovered. The " Ivy-mantled " wall, ad- 
 ded to its great age, strongly interests the attention of the stranger. The island of 
 Bute also contains many other vestiges of antiquity, amongst which is a " hill fort." 
 The island extends from south-east to north-west, about eighteen miles, and about 
 five in breadth. The air, in general, is considered temperate, having neither the 
 violent heat of summer, nor the extreme cold of winter, as on the main land. 
 Fogs seldom affect Rothsay. The island belongs mostly to the Marquis of Bute, 
 who has an excellent seat at Mountstuart, situated on a delightful eminence, in 
 the middle of a wood. The climate from its equableness and purity, is said to be 
 rather favourable for persons afflicted with asthmas, and shortness of breath. 
 There are six lochs on the island ; but only three of considerable size ; and which 
 are full of perch, pike, and trout. The herring fishery has been a source of 
 great improvement to the town within the last few years : also a large cotton 
 manufactory contiguous to it ; indeed, Rothsay is viewed as a rising place. 
 
 On Friday the 17th of May, 1833, at one o'clock, the Inverary Castle, Steamer 
 put us on shore, near the Bute Arms, Rothsay, kept by Mr. D. M'Corkindale ; a 
 very splendid hotel, at which place we hired a noddy, and instantly set out for 
 Woodland Cottage, the late Mr. Kean's retreat, nearly three miles from Rothsay. 
 Perhaps it may be necessary to premise, that no person was]admitted to visit the 
 cottage, without obtaining a card of admission from M'Corkindale, or the appear- 
 ance of one of his vehicles at the gate ; the road to the cottage was of the most 
 rugged and jolting description, in fact, it could not be called a road : we passed 
 Rothsay Castle in our journey, and at length we arrived at the desired object of 
 our pursuit the Lodge, distant from the cottage about a quarter of a mile. Over 
 the gate, on the right side were placed the busts of Massinger, and Garrick ; and 
 upon the left were those of Kean and Shakspeare, all of them well executed ; 
 here we got out of the noddy, and accompanied by JOHN READ, the gardener, 
 porter, &c., walked towards the cottage, delighted with the situation and pros- 
 pects all around us ; but the female who had the care of it, had gone to Roth- 
 say for some provisions. In order to occupy our time till her return, we then 
 took a synopsis of the exterior of the building, which is only one story in height 
 and has nothing to recommend it to the notice of the visitor, in point of archi- 
 tecture, except its extreme simplicity; Mr. Kean, it appears, was his owir archi- 
 tect ; therefore style, or according to the rules of art, were entirely out of the 
 question, and, it should seem, all that he required was a comfortable dwelling. 
 
 The situation of WOODLAND COTTAGE, is of the most romantic description ; 
 in the front of it, a large green plat is seen gradually sloping to the margin 
 of Loch-Fadd exhibiting a fine lake of water ; but it had no boat upon it the 
 scenery all around the lake is enchanting and picturesque beyond communication ; 
 at the back of the cottage, stands a high hill covered with heather, and in beau- 
 tiful bloom. We ascended by a circuitous route to the top of it, or nearly so, on 
 which is situated the FOGG HOUSE ; this building is circular, and capable of 
 dining about a dozen persons ; it is, however, of the rudest description, but ne- 
 vertheless it may be said to be perfectly in keeping with the rest of the picture. 
 Here the spectator might almost say with Dr. Goldsmith . 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 345 
 
 I sit me down a pensive hour to spend, 
 And placed on high, above the storm's career, 
 Look downward, where a hundred things appear ; 
 Lakes, forests, cities, plains, extending wide, 
 The pomp of Kings, the shepherd's humbler pride. 
 
 On the outside of the Fogg House the following words are to be seen ; 
 
 'TIS GLORIOUS THROUGH THE LOOP-HOLES 
 OF RETREAT TO PEEP AT SUCH 
 A WORLD l 
 
 In the interior of which, was a seat made of branches from trees, and also a 
 small table, in the Fogg, (or Moss, as we term it in England,) in the roof, the coat 
 of arms looked conspicuous, adopted by Mr. Kean, (the crest of which, the 
 tragedian was at a loss to furnish, when Douglas Kinnard, Esq., suggested to 
 him the boar's head, from his immense smccess in Richard. The latter gentle- 
 man, is the godfather to Charles Kean.) Indeed, it was a glorious sight to 
 VIEW SUCH A WORLD from the glorious loop-holes of retreat at every point, 
 the prospect from the elevated situation of the Fogg House, was truly fascinat- 
 ing. Description of it, however faithful it might be given, would not, in the 
 slightest degree, convey the magnificence of the surrounding scenery to the 
 reader, indeed, it must be seen to realize the great beauties of the situation alto- 
 gether, something after the manner of Kean's beloved Shakspeare : 
 
 The poet's eye in a fine frenzy rolling, 
 
 Doth glance from heav'n to earth, from earth to heav'n, 
 
 And as imagination bodies forth 
 
 The form of things unknown, the poet's pen, 
 
 Turns them to shape, and gives to airy nothing 
 
 A local habitation and a name ! 
 
 We descended with reluctance, nay, with regret, to quit such a truly luxuriant, 
 picturesque view, and therefore, cast many a longing, lingering look behind. The 
 idea of the Fogg House, first originated with Charles Kean, but his father furnished 
 the words which appear outside of it. The female had now returned from Bute, 
 and was in waiting to showus over the cottage. Upon entering the hall, rather a 
 small one, a bust of Kean in Brutus, on a pedestal, presented itself to our notice ; 
 but, from its youthful appearance, it must have been taken several years since ; 
 however, it was a fine likeness of the great actor. 
 
 The cottage consists of nine rooms, two or three of which, on the ground-floor, 
 were nearly empty, and in a state of confusion. We then entered the library, a 
 mere parlour, and nothing to recommend it, as what might have been anticipated 
 from so great a reader as the late Mr. Kean. Here persons who were on inti- 
 mate terms with the actor, have frequently found him, when he wished for some- 
 thing like quietness, and to be at his ease, in bed, surrounded by piles of 
 books, not altogether unlike Dominie Sampson's predilection to obtain the works 
 of the learned pundits ; however, it did not portray the character of a LIBRARY 
 as to good taste. Indeed, the books were by no means numerous, the principal 
 part of which were secured by wires, and locked up in the bookcases, except a 
 few scattered on some shelves, of minor importance : yet, there were several very 
 valuable ones, folio editions of Shakspeare, presented by the Duke of Devonshire 
 to Mr. Kean. Two very large globes upon handsome mahogany stands, with 
 compasses underneath them, they were most certainly an embellishment to this 
 apartment. 
 
 Over the fire-place in the middle of it, was an engraved portrait of Lord 
 Essex ; his lordship, we believe, was at one period, a great admirer and patron 
 of Mr. K., also a whole length likeness of Kean in Brutus, and a portrait of 
 David Fisher as the son of Brutus, a very fine, well-know theatrical print, and 
 engraved at the great actor's expense, and merely made its way before the public 
 
 2 F 
 
346 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 as gifts to his friends and acquaintances, Likewise portraits of his two sans 
 Hmvard and Charles. Howard died very young. 
 
 A whole length portrait, beautifully executed by the late Sir Thomas Law- 
 rence, of the late JohnKemble, in Hamlet, near tohichu was Garrick, io. Richard, 
 also a very small likeness of Kean, in Shy lock, Miss O'Neil in the character of 
 Juliet, and the late Mrs. Siddons, a well-known, remarkably fine engraving, as 
 Melpomne. A whole length engraved portrait of Curran, the barrister, of great 
 Irish popularity. A finely ornamented piece of writing of the speech made to 
 Mr. Kean, on the presentation of the gold cup by his brother and sister performers 
 of the Theatre Royal Drury Lane, with their signatures attached to it. 
 
 A veiy fine copy, an engraving of the face of Garrick ; but not one oil paint- 
 ing was there to be seen in the library. A few mahogany chairs, a table of 
 the same description, ink-stand, pens, &c., formed the whole of this apartment, 
 and very unlike what might naturally have been expected on entering the library 
 of so great an actor, and man of taste, as the late Mr. Kean. 
 
 We then ascended one flight of stairs to view the DRAWING ROOM, which, 
 most certainly, partook of the character of a magnificent apartment ; but its 
 appearance suffered a considerable drawback by the splendid carpet belonging 
 to it, not being down ; and also the windows were destitute of the elegant, rich, 
 and beautiful curtains, which were laid aside in one corner of the room. But the 
 animating prospects of NATURE, clothed in all the richest beauties of vegetation, 
 both in the front and rear of the cottage, left the other articles of ART, intended 
 as objects of attraction, completely in the back ground. The room is rather 
 lofty, the walls of which are covered with very handsome French paper, represent- 
 ing the Greek festivals, &c. A splendid looking-glass, over the fire-place, the 
 chairs very good, made of the finest mahogany, with tables to correspond. Two 
 very large mahogany boxes, handsomely shaped, one as a wine cooler, and the 
 other for tea and sugar ; also, an elegantly finished upright piano-forte. A 
 large mahogany stool upon castors ; several handsome bonnd volumes of music on 
 the shelves, and a few other miscellaneous books scattered about; on the piano- 
 forte there were three or four sheets of MS. music, composed for Mr. Kean, 
 when he attempted the admirable and versatile character of the highly famed 
 CRICHTON. A few curious and scarce stones in a glass case ; and also a most 
 beautiful model of the Alps. The drawing-room did not contain a single picture 
 of any description. A small boudoir attached to the above room, was quite empty, 
 the walls of which were covered with French paper, representing the Bay of 
 Naples, Mount Vesuvius, &c. The above boudoir, divided the drawing-room 
 from the sleeping apartment of the great actor. A very plain, but handsome, 
 mahogany four-post bedstead, the hangings of which were rich and splendid, 
 were lying on the bed, a plain chest of drawers, with mahogany chairs, compos- 
 ed this place of repose belonging to the inimitable representative of Othello. 
 
 The front parlour, on the right hand as you enter the hall, is also very plain, 
 but very handsomely furnished. Over the fire-place is a finely painted likeness ; 
 said, by the servant, to have been an uncle of Mr. Kean ; but from the striking 
 likeness it bore to him, it might be presumed to have been the portrait of his 
 father, the late Moses Kean, of highly talented abilities as a mimic and lecturer, 
 after the manner of the celebrstted George Alexander Stevens, indeed, the same 
 opinion, according to the servant, had been expressed by several theatrical visitors 
 to the cottage. 
 
 On the left hand side of the hall, in another parlour, stood a bedstead with a 
 bed upon it, the coverlid of which was a very large buffalo's skin, brought by Mr. 
 Kean from America. Also some swords and daggers : one of the swords was said 
 to contain poison at the end of it ; likewise, a terribly looking double pointed 
 dagger, capable of dealing out death at every thrust, but the hand of the assailant 
 was secured quite safe in the handle of it, and to have attempted to wrest it from 
 the grasp of any person who held it, must have been attended with the most 
 dangerous consequences. Here also, we discovered, upon the shelves of sn open 
 cupboard, the remains of a once perfect theatre, belonging to his son, Charles 
 Kean, composed of elephants, Turks, horses, &c., for his amusement as a child, 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL 347 
 
 since which period he has made such rapid strides towards attaining the high- 
 est situation of an actor, as to astonish the theatrical world. His animated re- 
 presentations of some of Shakspeare's characters ; are, in several instances, if not 
 equal to his great and unrivalled parent, very little inferior to him. At one period 
 of his life, the late Edmund Kean, Esq., publicly expressed his opinion that his 
 son had no talents for the stage to arrive above mediocrity ; but he lived long 
 enough, not only to alter that opinion, but also acknowledged that it had been 
 founded in error. 
 
 We then bid farewell to the HOUSE OF DEATH, (although the news had not 
 arrived of the mournful exit of Mr. Kean,) to take a last view of the fine OAK, 
 which the great actor often viewed with the highest feelings of delight : 
 
 Absurd to think to over-reach the GRAVE, 
 And from the wreck of names to rescue ours; 
 The best concerted schemes men lay for fame, 
 Die fast away ; only themselves DIE faster. 
 The far-famed sculptor, and the laurel'd bard, 
 Those bold insurers of eternal fame, 
 Supply their little feeble aids in vain. 
 
 The above OAK, was said to be the finest in the island, twelve feet in circum- 
 ference, situated at the declivity of a hill, under which runs a quiet murmuring 
 stream of water. " Here" said the late Mr. Kean, pointing to the spot, to his 
 gardener, JOHN READ, with great firmness, " John Read, whenever I die, I should 
 like to be buried under this matchless Oak-tree; and I ask it of you as a promise, 
 that you ivill most sacredly keep, which is to watch the ground day and night for six 
 u-eeks after I am deposited under the Oak." The gardener, who appeared to us 
 to be rather an intelligent sort of man, thus replied to his master. " If I should 
 outlive you, sir. But pray do not talk of dying. However, if that painful 
 moment should arrive, you may depend on my word to watch with assistance, night 
 and day for six weeks, in fact I will never quit the oak, until NATURE is quite ex- 
 hausted." 
 
 On our making enquiries of John'Read, how Mr. Kean. spent his time at Bute. 
 He replied, " Principally, during the day time, he was out of doors, and very 
 fond of fishing : he would also, frequently dine at the very top of the hill, in the 
 Fogg House, contemplating the prospects and beauties of nature, which so delight- 
 fully presented themselves from this elevated spot, to his view: at other times, he 
 would take refreshment under the oak tree. Mr. Kean," he also observed, " ap- 
 peared to him, to be quite delighted with his retirement at Woodland Cottage ; that 
 he was, in every point of view, a most excellent, and kind-hearted master, scarce- 
 ly giving any thing like trouble] to those persons around him." John Read 
 told us, in Loch-Fadd, the stream of water before the house, contained great 
 quantities of fish, but principally perch and jack. He mentioned the names of Mr. 
 Beverly and his son, having visited Bute Cottage and the grounds, also SHERIDAN 
 KNOWLES, ESQ., likewise Mr. Francis Seymour, the well-known provincial 
 manager in Ireland, and also once the lessee of the celebrated theatre in Glasgow, 
 who was on terms of the greatest intimacy with Mr. Kean. 
 
 The gardener stated to us, that the summer of 1832, was quite a felank as 
 to visitors, which he thought was owing to the cholera in Bute, and that up to the 
 period we were engaged in conversation with him, (May 17, 1833,) scarcely any 
 person had solicited to see the retreat of Mr. Kean. John Read had lived in the 
 service of Mr. Kean, nearly eight years, he gathered some flowers for us out of 
 the grounds, and he likewise cut three small pieces off the OAK, (one of which I 
 gave to Mr. Duncan Shaw, of Greenock, who visited Woodland Cottage with me,) 
 to keep as a remembrance not only respecting our visit to Rothsay and the Oak 
 tree, under which Mr. Kean had often seated himself to view the distant prospect 
 of the fine country, and the luxuriant treat of his own grounds, but to the memory 
 of SHAKSPEARE'S HBRO ! 
 
 It appeared, that Mr. Kean had not visited Bute for the last sixteen months. 
 In January, 1832, he passed ten days at Woodland Cottage, with great satisfac- 
 
348 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 tion and apparent delight ; and he observed to those persons around him, that he 
 thought his health was materially improved by his remaining quiet ; his mind not 
 disturbed, he retired to rest early ; and that he also had the pleasure of asserting 
 in his retreat, that he had distanced disgraceful sycophants, and fulsome flatterers, 
 which men, like himself, were too often nauseated with in public life. The 
 female servant, an intelligent Scotch girl, likewise good-natured and civil in the 
 extreme, and who had lived in the service of Mr. Kean, for the last four years 
 and a half, spoke of her master with raptures " That he was kind, very kind, 
 to every person about him, and upon his quitting Bute, he begged of her to have 
 the fastenings of the house and windows always strongly secured before she went 
 to rest : " I say so, (said this great master of the passions,) not merely on account 
 of the little property I may leave behind me, under your immediate care, but to 
 guard yourself against any ruffian, who might be tempted to ill-use a lonely 
 woman, and that a thief might also commit his depredations with a better chance 
 of success." 
 
 The gardener's lodge being at some distance from the house, and in conse- 
 quence of the feeling advice given her by her master, a fine large house dog was 
 immediately procured for her, as a protector. The servant maid told us, that she 
 never felt the slightest fear, neither did she apprehend any thing like danger, when 
 the above faithful creature of all other animals, slept at her door every night, 
 " But I am sorry to say," said she, "he died about ten days ago." She de- 
 scribed all the things in the house with clearness and perspicuity, very different 
 in manner and tone from the dull, stupid, monotonous way of those persons 
 whose business it is to describe the monuments in Westminster Abbey, or to give 
 an account of the pictures in Windsor Castle. Upon her being asked in what man- 
 ner Mr. Kean spent his time after having finished with his walks and other pur- 
 suits out of doors, she said, " Reading, at times ; but principally at the piano- 
 forte, and singing ; and that she could have listened to his delightful manner of 
 expressing the words of the various songs from morning until night, and never 
 have been tired. He was a most extraordinary man altogether ; and his manners 
 and mode of address were mildness to the very echo." 
 
 " Mrs. Kean," she said, " and her son Charles, lived in retirement for up- 
 wards of twelve-months, at Bute." 
 
 The JEWESS, so designated by the friends of the late Mr. Kean, and to whom 
 the great actor unfortunately, not to say unhappily for himself and family, resid- 
 ed with him at Woodland Cottage for six weeks. The servant urged that the 
 JEWESS was very attentive, and kind to him in every respect, and administered 
 all those little comforts, which Mr. Kean stood so much in need of, duung the 
 last few years of his existence ; but ultimately, he paid very dearly for this sort of 
 pretended feeling towards him, and according to report, she had wheedled (if not 
 insisted) from Mr. Kean whilst at Bute, to satisfy some pressing demand she had 
 to discharge ; had obtained from him the sum of four hundred pounds ; and 
 at another period, very soon afterwards, the unsuspecting disposition of this 
 " Great Creature," the man of all others, who might have been expected from 
 his fine display and illustrations of the various passions of human nature, inca 
 pable of being deceived by the mysteries and duplicities of mankind, advanced, 
 without the least hesitation, another five hundred pounds. He was so much 
 infatuated with this woman, it is said, and so perfectly under her control, that he 
 could not refuse her any demand from first to last the sum of three thousand 
 pounds would not pay for all the money he had lavished upon an ungrateful 
 woman ; 
 
 Women are ever masters when Jhey please, 
 And. cozen with their kindness: they have spells 
 Superior to the wand of the magician. 
 
 We now took our departure, often'turning round to take a last look at the cot- 
 tage and grounds, with the melancholy reflection pressing on our minds, that the 
 arrival of the next post would bring an account of the decease of one of the 
 greatest actors in the history of the Stage, until we arrived at the porter's lodge, 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 349 
 
 to exclude us altogether from Mr. Kean's retreat at Bute. We immediately 
 retraced our jolting journey to the Bute Arms, and had a different, but another 
 very fine view of Rothsay Castle, and sat down to a most excellent dinner, and a 
 capital glass of wine. Previous to our dinner, our worthy host, Mr. M'Corkin- 
 dale behaved to us in the most polite manner, and shewed us the splendid gold 
 cup, rather a large one, and given to Mr. Kean in the year 1816, by the per- 
 formers of Drury Lane Theatre, with all the names of the subscribers engraved 
 upon it. 
 
 Also the Mosaic, richly-worked gold box, representing a boar fight, which had 
 been presented to Mr. Kean by the late Lord Byron, on account of the great 
 actorVunrivalled illustrations of the characters of Shakspeare. This box, it was 
 well known, Kean valued as the highest gift in the whole of his truly splendid 
 presents. "When I received it from his lordship," said he, "I considered the 
 circumstance, not only as one of the proudest moments of my chequer'd life, 
 but the most gratifying to my feelings during my theatrical career. My highest 
 hopes of ambition never amounted to this such a compliment from so illustrious 
 a character in the wide field of literature, and one of the greatest poets of the 
 age an immense judge of human nature in all its bearings rewards me more, 
 much more, for all the ills and ' proud contumely' I have met with in the early 
 part of my life. To the last moment of my existence, this invaluable present, not 
 for the splendid display of workmanship and talents on the box, or its weight in 
 gold but I shall cherish it with delight, as a grateful remembrance of its most 
 enlightened author." 
 
 We likewise saw a very richly worked gold box with numerous figures upon 
 the outside of it. In the inside was engraved, "The gift of D. Bingham, Esq., 
 of Montreal, a most sincere friend, and ardent admirer of Mr. Kean ; for his unri- 
 valled performances in the characters of Shakspeare." The workmanship and 
 taste of the above gold box, are of the most exquisite description. 
 
 Also a gold medal, characteristically ornamented, representing the Western 
 Philanthropic Institution, given to Mr. Kean for his noble and disinterested 
 exertions, to promote the views of the above noble and humane institution. 
 
 A Silver Bible, to which was suspended a silver key, on a blue ribbon ; engraved 
 on the back of the bible appears " Lodffe,240, Waterford." The above lodge made 
 it a present to Mr. Kean. This present was the only article which came ashore from 
 the wreck of a very large vessel. 
 
 The gold box we likewise saw, which had been presented to him by the mem- 
 bers of the Theatre Royal Covent Garden, during their short stay at the English 
 Opera House, when the former Theatre had a very narrow escape from being 
 destroyed, by an escape of the gas. Mr. Kean, with the utmost liberality of 
 disposition, performed a few nights, GRATIS in aid of the salaries of his dis- 
 tressed brother actors. 
 
 All the above presents were deposited under the immediate care of Mr. 
 M'Corkindale ; for whom, it appears, Mr. Kean had a very sincere regard, and 
 long established in his confidence. Mr. M'Corkindale, during the absence of 
 Mr. Kean, managed the whole of the affairs connected with Woodland Cottage. 
 Our worthy host shewed us Pierce Egan's Panorama of the Sporting World, in 
 which appeared the following autograph " The gift of Edmund Kean, to his 
 friend, D. Corkindale, July, 1829 Greenoclc. 
 
 At five o'clock we left Rothsay, in the Rob Roy steamer, on our return to 
 Greenock, and which proved a trip of the most delightful description the pros- 
 pects on both sides of the Clyde were really enchanting the lofty Ben Lomond 
 Dumbarton Argyleshire and a view of the mountains in which ROB ROY once 
 dwelt. We landed at Greenock at seven o'clock; but had scarcely entered Mr. 
 Shaw's house, when we were made acquainted with the death of Mr. Kean by 
 the arrival of the Post. Therefore, we may assert, we were the last persons who 
 paid a visit to the cottage of Mr. Kean at Bute. "Sic transit gloria Mundi!" 
 This Cottage, it appears, was put up for sale in Glasgow, on May 1, 1834, by 
 auction, at the Buck's Head, A rgyle Street, by George Robins, but the " King's 
 name was not a tower of strength" in this instance and the recollection, or the 
 
350 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 mention of the splendid talents of the departed hero. Mr. Kean, who had nightly 
 filled the Theatre Royal in this ancient city, and where his son (CHARLES, the 
 successful representative of his father's characters) first met together, (as ac- 
 tors) and performed in the tragedy of Brutus to overwhelming applause, had not 
 the slightest effect upon the minds of the bidders who seemed like men without 
 spirit, and cold as ice, as to any offerings for this most delightful retreat of a per- 
 former, whose like we shall not, for many a day, perhaps see again ; and fulfilling the 
 melancholy truth, observed by the late brilliant, witty, and inimitable Richard 
 Brinsley Sheridan, Esq. 
 
 " The ACTOR only shrinks from Time's award: 
 Feeble tradition is his memory's guard ; 
 By whose faint breath his merits must subside, 
 Unvouch'd by proof to SUBSTANCE unallied!" 
 
 In spite of all the oratorical abilities of the auctioneer, to excite some liberal 
 feelings in honor of the "mighty dead" a long tine elapsed before five hundred 
 pounds was offered for Woodland Cottage, which, at the least farthing, cost six 
 thousand pounds, independent of the value attached to it, as the residence of 
 the late Mr. Kean. After great exertion had been made to procure something 
 like a bidding, it was knocked down for one thousand and fifty pounds to a Mr. 
 Railton, a writer of the Signet; or rather, it is said, "bought in" by that 
 gentleman : 
 
 " Out, out brief candle 1 
 Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player 
 That struts and frets his hour on the stage 
 And then is heard no more; It is a tale 
 Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, 
 Signifying NOTHING ! ! 1" 
 
 This satire is not only extremely biting to the utmost extent, but the truth of 
 it does not admit of the the slightest doubt and all actors must feel the severity 
 acutely indeed, as to their peculiar traits being handed down, or impressed on 
 the minds of posterity. The late JOHN KEMBLE, the greatest Roman of them 
 all : MRS. SIDDONS, who positively stood alone on the stage ; and GEORGE FRE- 
 DERICK COOKE, nature personified in the most animated style of excellence. 
 LEWIS, the gossamer of his time, and rich as gold in the representations of 
 Goldfinch, Tom Shuffleton, Squire Tally-ho, &c. Irish JOHNSTONE, without 
 compare, in Sir Lucius o'Trigger, Dennis Brulgruddery, Looney M'Twolter, &c. 
 QUICK'S Little Isaac, and Old Cockletop. The blank which MUNDEN has left 
 is, Old Dornton, Crack, Dosey, &c. EDWIN'S Jemmy Jumps, Lingo, &c. 
 Mrs. JORDAN'S Nell, Country-Girl, Little Pickle, &c. ELLISTON'S Rover, 
 Duke Aranza, Three Singles, Mercutio, and a lover, that every actress seemed 
 positively to feel in reality that her lover was at her feet have ALL, within a 
 few fleeting years, made their exits, and " gone to that bourne, from whence no 
 traveller returns." Therefore, except those persons who can remember their 
 greatness relate the manner speak of their unrivalled excellence, and tell their 
 sons or relatives about their peculiar styles of acting they are almost forgotten 
 by the public in general ; and it is that sort of taste so difficult, if it can be at 
 all communicated, so as to convey a lasting and accurate portrait of an actor for 
 the amusement of the rising generation. JACK BANNISTER, once so truly cele- 
 brated, and deservedly so, as an actor ; and FAWCETT, equally brilliant as a 
 performer of the very first class, both since dead, but whose names are 
 scarcely ever mentioned and KEAN, who saved Drury Lane Theatre from 
 ruin, and SHAKSPEARE'S hero, to all intents and purposes, has scarcely been in- 
 terred four years (" Die, two months ago, and not forgotten yet! Then there's 
 hope ; a great man's memory may outlive his life, half a year ; but by'r lady, he 
 must build churches then.") and his memory, and great talents, it should seem, 
 generally speaking, are almost consigned to OBLIVION. 
 
IN SEARCH OF TH NATIONAL. 351 
 
 To the lovers of retirement Woodland Cottage, is the very reality of the thing, 
 and might be viewed almost as a sort of Paradise on earth ; the poet might have 
 dwelt upon its beauties again and again ; and still have found fresh subjects for 
 the exercise of his pen : 
 
 The statesman, lawyer, merchant, man of trade, 
 
 Pants for the refuge of some rural shade, 
 
 Where all his long anxieties forgot 
 
 Amid the charms of a sequester'd spot; 
 
 Or, recollected only to gild o'er, 
 
 And add a smile, to what was sweet before. 
 
 We understand, and that from excellent authority, that the idea of having a 
 cottage on the banks of the Clyde, or contiguous to it, first originated with Mr. 
 Kean, whilst he was performing a round of his characters at the rising and im- 
 proving town ofGreenock, then under the management of Mr. Francis Seymour. 
 During one of his aquatic trips on the Clyde, to enjoy its romantic scenery, he 
 landed at Rothsay, and fixed on a spot of ground in the Isle of Bute, which took 
 his fancy, with great delight ; an application was immediately made to the Mar- 
 quis of Bute, to erect a cottage, and inclose the grounds as a park, about thirteen 
 acres in extent, as a retreat and personal residence for Mr. Kean. The request 
 was granted without delay, and on the most liberal terms, by the noble Peer, out 
 of respect for the unrivalled talents of the great actor. Be that as it may. But it 
 appears that Woodland Cottage was erected for other purposes besides being a 
 splendid retreat for Mr Kean, in an economical point of view, also renovated his 
 health, and kept him out of the temptations and dissipation which he was continu- 
 ally exposed to in the Metropolis. From its contiguity to Glasgow, not more than 
 six hours sailfrom Bute ; also, in ten hours Mr. Kean could have arrived in Edin- 
 burgh, in a day and a half he might have acted at Aberdeen, from thence, in TWO 
 days, he could have appeared either at Liverpool, or Manchester, and from 
 the former town, in twelve hours, he conld have reached Dublin. From the capi- 
 tal of Ireland, a day's ride would have brought him to Limerick, Waterford, Cork, 
 Belfast, &c., and from the sums he nightly received from managers, his income 
 would have realized three tJwusand pounds per annum, the whole of which thea- 
 tres would not have occupied his time above three months in the year, leaving the 
 other nine for his most perfect enjoyment in his cottage at Bute. 
 
 We are assured that the above plan was first proposed to Mr. Kean by his 
 friend, Seymour, at a moment, when the great actor, full of disgust, had expressed 
 himself full of anger and regret, that after all his great exertions lucrative pro- 
 vincial engagements he was not able to meet hjs expenditure in London ; in- 
 deed, so readily did Mr. Kean enter into this plan, that he signed an agreement, 
 for three years, with Mr. Seymour, for the sum of Ten thousand pounds. Mr. 
 Seymour to procure the engagements pay coach hire, &c., and to risk the loss, 
 or obtain the profit of such a speculation ; but owing to the illness of Mrs. Sey- 
 mour, the agreement was cancelled. 
 
 The temptations of London, most certainly are, and must have been, very 
 great and seducing nay, expensive, if not injurious, to the health of a man of 
 splendid talents like the late Mr. Kean. Where is the individual, a lover of the 
 drama, who might not have been proud to have spent an evening in the com- 
 pany of so delightful an actor? But it should seem, Mr. Kean was not fond of 
 the company of great folks, that is to say " Titled personages !" there was an 
 etiquette due to them, from their rank in society, which might have operated as 
 a kind of reserve upon his general character and habits the freedom of expres- 
 sion something like a man being "ill at his ease;" or, rather in accordance 
 with the notions expressed by the late Charles Incledon, respecting the company 
 of " GREAT FOLKS." " My dear boy," said he, to one of his old and favourite 
 cronies, to whom he could unbosom himself without the slighest hesitation 
 "you know, great folks are great folks and they will be great folks ! They 
 eat like great folks, they talk like great folks they dress like great folks, and 
 they sing no, no by G there Charles Incledon has the pull; he is one of the 
 
352 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES. 
 
 great folks you are aware, as being the first English singer in the world. Yes, 
 Charles is great in that instance, you will admit ; but I have always found the 
 P.Q's, to me, the two most difficult letters in the alphabet to acquire, to render 
 myself quite at home with the great folks. You know, my dear boy, that an 
 early rehearsal in life is necesary, to become perfect to a letter and I would not. 
 play a part, for the best manager in the kingdom, without a rehearsal. There- 
 fore, as I never had a rehearsal on the P.Q. system, I must require the assistance 
 of a Prompter at some time for " the word," and I should not like to appear 
 imperfect, even in the character of a walking gentleman ; I only find myself at 
 ease, in the company of great folks, when I am singing at the Theatre, and they 
 are seated in the boxes. You know, my dear boy, I love the great folks in their 
 proper places and I do not think my friend, Mr. Devonshire no, no I am 
 out I want the word I mean his Grace vhe Duke of Devonshire, an honor to 
 the cloth, could have given a better definition of the great folks than Charles 
 Incledon, the first English singer has done ; no, nor half so well explained by 
 any of the black-lettered fraternity, either in, or out of Paternoster Row, or the 
 British Museum into the bargain, I admire the word great, my dear boy ; there 
 is substance attached to the thing I like to be the great singer ; to have a great 
 house a great cash account ; a great number of friends ; great Provincial en- 
 gagements and a. great creature in my way of expression. Also, to experience 
 great ease great luck to be great in little things, and great before the public ; 
 that's the greatness, my dear boy, next to Charles Incledon's heart, the first En- 
 glish singer on the stage ; therefore, being of a little consequence any where else, 
 to me, does not signify a brass farthing. And last of all, my dear boy, you know 
 that I never had a foul mouth in the course of my life ; and it has been said, that 
 some of the sweetest notes have escaped from my lips, the first English singer of 
 the day, that has beaten all the foreign trumpery of squallers and Jews to u 
 stand still and that's what I call being GREAT. Now, my dear boy, if you 
 wish to know any more about the " GREAT FOLKS," you must look for them in 
 Debrett's Peerage." How far this view of visiting " Great Folks" coincided with 
 the opinions of the late Mr. Kean, we are not exactly aware ; but in the company 
 of his brother actors, we have found him one of the most liberal men alive, and 
 very loud in the praise of some of the Performers he had met with in the course 
 of his different engagements in the country. 
 
 Dining one day with him at Billy Oxberry's, mine host of the Craven's Head, 
 in Drury Lane, after the cloth had been removed, and ' Non nobis domine,' had 
 been given with a spirit and harmonious effect, that would have made the mem- 
 bers of the Philharmonics to have opened their ears with raptures, and the fine bass 
 voice of George Smith had completely filled the room, with his song of the 
 ' Wolf,' never excelled, and we have some doubts if it was ever rivalled, Mr. Keaa 
 gave the health of Mr. Bengough, (a respectable, pleasing, but who had never ob- 
 tained the appellation of a great actor ; yet, nevertheless, he had strutted and 
 fretted his hour on the boards of Drury Lane Theatre, for some seasons, but, 
 ultimately, finished his career at the Coburg Theatre,) and in doing it, he pre- 
 faced the toast with the following observations, " I rise," said he, " to propose 
 the health of my friend, Mr. Bengough, not only as a most worthy private cha- 
 racter, but an excellent actor, and if I have derived any public fame for the per- 
 sonification of Othello, I thus publicly declare, that the knowledge of acting it, I 
 derived from the brilliant efforts, I witnessed in the representation of Shakspeare's 
 Moor of Venice, by Mr. Bengough.' The above toast was drank with enthusiasm 
 during the absence of Mr. Bengough, but on his return to the table it was men- 
 tioned to him, the high panegynic which Mr. Kean had pronounced on his acting 
 the part of Othello, when the immortal actor again rose^and repeated eyery word 
 with the greatest animation, and also to the delight of the company present. 
 
 I have, on several other occasions, heard him speak in the highest terms of 
 other performers ; the late Mr. Ellistoriwas decidedly a great favourite of Mr. Kean, 
 and to use his own words, he styled Mr E. "a most brilliant actor !" The late 
 Mr. William Oxberry, as a comedian, also stood very high in the opinion of Mr. 
 Kean, and that his praises should not be considered emptyones, he presented 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 353 
 
 Oxberry with a very valuable gold ring, as a testimony of his preference and regard . 
 Whenever the impulse offered itself, Oxberry's parlour, (so designated, although 
 a room on the first floor,) Mr. Kean popped in, as it were on {the sly, when the 
 table was completely covered with punch, three bowls being his first order. He was 
 extremely liberal to all the actors round him, and numerous instances might be re- 
 lated of bis generosity and feeling to country actors, could time, or space, permit 
 their insertion. Yet, notwithstanding the above little sort of ' break-outs /' t we be- 
 lieve, on only one instance, did he absent himself from his duty, and then it was 
 owing to a mistake about a stage coach leaving the town he was dining at for London. 
 Every person was eager to obtain the patronage of Mr. Kean ; indeed, at that 
 time, his name was a tower of strength, and his residence, and the theatre were 
 assailed with notes, letters, messages, and petitions, from morning till ni3ht, from 
 persons of the first consequence in society, down to the veriest intruders and 
 pretenders, and duped without end under the garb of charity. It is true, he was 
 rather fond of what is termed ' a bit of life 1' and to be met with frequently at the 
 sporting dinners of Tom Cribb, and Belcher's, the first three or four seasons 
 after he became the ' great creature ' in London : he had a penchant for the 
 fancy ; and those who were loud in their applause to see the abilities he display- 
 ed, nay, superior excellence, in FENCING, will have no doubt, that he could make 
 a good and scientific hit with the gloves. He was a frequenter of the old rooms 
 in Bond Street, when kept by Mr. Jackson, for the tuition of self-defence, on one 
 day, and on the other, by Henry Angelo, Esq., for fencing. 
 
 I well remember at Belcher's one night, to have heard Mr. Kean call upon 
 the late Joey Munden for a flash song. The latter unrivalled actor, made up 
 one of his comical faces, and rolled about his expressive eyes with such an irresist- 
 able effect, that the whole company were immediately on the titter, when he began 
 the well-known chaunt of ' NIBB'S POUND !' one of the old school of slang, be- 
 longing to the times of Johnathan Wild. I also heard Mr. Kean sing two or 
 three charming duets with the late Jem Barnard, a great companion, at that 
 period, of Mr. K's., but who, from dissipation and extravagance, lost his mind, 
 his situation at the theatres, became the object of contempt and derision, and 
 was utterly reduced to beggary before his death. 
 
 OXBERRY'S room, on some evenings, was a great treat to the visitor. Reporters 
 were to be met with, literary men, actors, both town and country, and authors, 
 singers, &c., were to be found, rubbing against each other over their cigars and 
 grog ; theatrical subjects were generally the order of the day ; but politics have 
 been debated here with 'almost as much vigour and talent, possessing some* 
 thing like the reality of the House of Commons. Mine host was truly a host in 
 himself, and take him for ' all in all,' he was a brilliant of the first water, his 
 tales and anecdotes claimed profound attention ; in fact he made them a sort of 
 DRAMA, and suited the action to the word ; he possessed the art of magnifying 
 a mole into a mountain ; nothing fell dead from his lips, there was no still life 
 about his composition. His face seconded his efforts, he was likewise well-read, 
 possessed also good tact as a compiler, could write off a short paragraph with 
 good point, and he had the nous to hit off two or three successful melo-dramas. 
 His edition of plays were much admired, and his likeness of actors the best pub- 
 lished. His coffee room deserved the appellation of a portrait gallery, he was a 
 great lover of the arts, and fond of paintings. He was a printer by profession, 
 and a great hero, at one time amongst the private theatricals, from which the re- 
 nowned showman, Richardson, extracted him, to become a more public charac- 
 ter ; he then, to use his own words, experienced all the vicissitudes attached to the 
 life of a strolling player, up one day, and down the next, a smoking joint, some- 
 times to be seen at the commencement of the week, and then only smelling a 
 dinner as he might chance to pass a cook-shop ; but he never lost his spirits, or 
 pined at his fate, on the contrary, if hunger teazed him at times, his wit sharpen- 
 ed on it, and he was always on the qui vive to improve his circumstances. The 
 ' good time ' came at last, when he bade adieu to strolling, vagabondizing, gaff- 
 ing, &c., he also took his leave of an empty cupboard, and farewell to swallowing, 
 daily, pages of the drama, called ' fresh study,' and candle ends avaunt J The trea- 
 
 3 F 
 
354 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES. 
 
 sury was now regularly open to give him fresh supplies, full salaries always paid 
 and Billy Oxberry himself again I In addition to which, he was a master printer, 
 and sent out his own works to the world, a member of the Theatre Royal Drury 
 Lane, and mine host at the Craven's Head, all happiness ! But, just as he had 
 established himself in all the above points, and beginning to make his way, the 
 ' Grim King of Terrors ' entered his domus on the sly, as if he had had a pique 
 against the laughing comedian, and floored him at a single hit, to the great loss 
 and lamentations of his numerous friends, at his unexpected and premature exit 1 
 It is thus the late Tom Greenwood, the celebrated scene painter, described 
 him : 
 
 Quite pleased so snug a shop to know, 
 
 Where he could stop and take a Go I 
 
 But ere he from the house retired, 
 
 The landlord's name, below, inquired; 
 
 "'Tis OXBERRY," said the man, and bow'd ; 
 
 The Frenchman stared, then roar'd aloud, 
 
 " He's of de dairy, de large pan, 
 
 PRINTER, Poet, Player, and Publican !" 
 
 As a convincing proof that the late Mr. Kean, possessed a great deal of libera- 
 lity of mind, as well as setting no value upon money, during his visit to the lakes 
 of Killarney, in company with Mr. Seymour, the manager, and two other per- 
 sons, the whole of the party, not exceeding four individuals ; his tavern expences, 
 boats, and boatmen, band of music, &c., the time of his stay altogether not ex- 
 ceeding a week, amounted to nearly, if not quite, seventy pounds ! The Irish 
 manager advised Mr. Kean to look over the items of the bill, as he thought some 
 mistake might have occurred, the sum being very large , and not to becompletely 
 satisfied, as a matter of course, with the sum total of the bill. " No, no," said 
 Mr. Kean, " I will not examine the contents of it, the landlord, according to re- 
 report, is a good, honest fellow, one of the right sort of men. I have been de- 
 lighted with the attention I have received, and the comforts I have had at the 
 Inn ; indeed, so much so, that I am perfectly satisfied with the account. I am 
 well aware such trips are expensive, but they are not every day sort of things, and 
 we must pay for superior accommodation every where. Remember, Frank Sey- 
 mour, we are a long way from London, also, a great distance from Dublin, and 
 when I have been near the Metropolis of England Epsom Races, I have been 
 made to pay for accommodation there ; therefore, I will not grumble at the sum 
 I have paid for visiting the Lakes of Killarney ; to witness scenes unrivalled, and 
 to hear an ECHO, that is worth double the sum it has cost me. I would not have 
 missed the glorious sight seeing what I have seen, for treble the money, for it is 
 my opinion, there is no comparison between the enjoyment of intellectual plea- 
 sure, and amassing a large pile of cash. I am obliged to you, Seymour, for 
 your attention towards me ; but depend upon it, the expenses at the Lakes of 
 Killarney, is not one of the worst errors I have committed in my lifejrespecting 
 the cash account, and I again repeat I have no regret about it, and we will leave 
 the landlord to enjoy the fruits of his labour." 
 
 During the short stay of Mr. Kean at Greenock, one night, after the perform- 
 ances at the theatre were over, and rather late in the evening, spending an hour 
 or two at a tavern, in a very jovial manner, and feats of agility being the argu- 
 ment amongst the party, all of them boasting in turn of the leaps they had made, 
 when Kean, seeing the window open, and by way of silencing the ' great doings,' 
 observed, " When I used to act the part of Harlequin, I have taken a far greater 
 jump than that which now presents itself," (without looking at the height, and re- 
 gardless of the danger, a row of iron rails being beneath the window,) " Impos- 
 sible !" was the general cry, when to their utter astonishment, out Kean leaped, 
 and it was supposed that he had fallen on the ground, and must have hurt him- 
 self. The company immediately left the room, and it being a corner house, and 
 the part alluded to, at the back part of it ; but to their great surprise, Kean was 
 not to be found. They returned to the room conversing on the strangeness of 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 355 
 
 the affair, and a variety of conjectures were formed as to the result. However, 
 Mr. Kean did not make his appearance, and the company left the tavern for 
 their homes. It appeared afterwards that Mr. Kean had received a violent fall in 
 his flight from the window, which had shook him to the very centre, and in 
 the moment, he scrambled himself together, as well as ^he could, and strolled 
 about he knew not whither. A poor old fisherman, who lived on one of the flats, 
 in a house at no great distance, was awoke out of his sleep by a person groaning 
 and full of pain, at the door of his apartment, where Mr. Kean had crawled to ; 
 the poor old fisherman got out of bed, struck a light, and found the great actor 
 perfectly insensible : although he did not know the value and consequence of his 
 guest, yet, like the good Samaritan, if he did not pour oil into his wounds, he 
 dressed himself, and placed the object of his commiseration in his stead, some- 
 thing like a bed, watching over him with all the care and kindness of the most 
 attentive friend. After Mr. Kean had been asleep for about three or four hours, 
 he started up, as if from a trance, and seeing the poor old fisherman's head deco- 
 rated with a cap, then looking at the miserable state of the room, also at the rags 
 and old pieces of sail made up for a bed, something after the manner of the 
 affrighted Hamlet at the appearance of the ghost, addressing the old veteran with 
 his eyes darting fire : 
 
 Angels and ministers of grace 
 Be thou a spirit of health, 
 Or goblin 
 
 " Puir body," answered the fisherman, in a tremulous tone ; " compose your- 
 self compose yourself 1 you dinna ken where you are. I am no speerit, but 
 poor old Sandy Pike, the fisherman, at your bidding!" "Do not mock me, 
 sir," (answered Kean, in a state of confusion, and theatrical sort of rage,) " but 
 tell me where I am, and how I came here, undressed in this beggarly, wretched 
 apartment?" "Puir body," said old Sandy Pike, " I dinna ken that circum- 
 stance All I know is, that I found you insensible at my door-step, quite foued, 
 when I put you into my bed, and I hope you are now much better, for you were, 
 puir body, in a pitiable plight when I took you in." Kean looking at him, with a 
 sort of expression, which, perhaps, no other man living could have done so much 
 with his eyes, exclaimed, in a tone of gratitude, that penetrated the very soul of 
 the old fisherman " Kind creature ! disinterested old man! worthy soul! and 
 you did not know me?" " I dinna ken," replied the old fisherman, " that I 
 ever saw you before, puir body, wfth my e'en 1" " Know then, good old man, 
 that my name is Kean, the actor," said the leaper. " Kean, the great mon," 
 exclaimed the fisherman, surprised beyond description, "you ! that I saw in King 
 Richard, last night. I had heard of your great abilities and fame, and I could 
 not resist the opportunity of going to the play-house. But do not deceive me!" 
 Kean a little more composed, felt for his pocket book, and gave the old fisherman 
 a five -pound Bank of England note, at the same time telling him to go to the 
 Inn, and bring back with him a post-chaise with the blinds up, and not to men- 
 tion to any person who had ordered the carriage. " I will never part with this 
 bank bill," replied the old fisherman, overjoyed with the honour of having such 
 a guest, " come what may, but treasure it up on account of the abilities of its once 
 great owner." Sandy soon returned with the post-chaise, but during the short 
 interval, Kean roused himself as well as he could, then grasping the hand of the 
 old fisherman, and thanking him, a thousand times, for his humanity, darted like 
 lightning into the post-chaise, and very soon afterwards was in bed at his own 
 lodgings. He receivedno other hurt but a few bruises, which, after a day or two's 
 care, he resumed his professional duties, laughing heartily at the circumstance, 
 observing I forgot the old adage 'to look before you leap!' also gratefully 
 praising the Samaritan like feeling and conduct of old Sandy Pike, the Greenock 
 fisherman ! 
 
 During his stay at Woodland Cottage, his secretary, Mr. Phillips, left him, 
 thinking it incompatible with his idea of respectabili ty, and also at variance with 
 the rules of propriety, to remain any longer under the same roof with the JEWESS 
 
356 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 he, therefore, wrote the great, little man a letter, excellent in point of composi- 
 tion, on the subject, a sort of moral sermon, and recommending Mr. Kean to 
 give up the lady in question, and to turn aside from his ERRORS. He jeceived 
 the letter in good part, and read it over two or ? three times, smilingly, said to 
 Seymour, who was then with him on a visit, " This is well done, and kind of the 
 old boy, there is something like real friendship about it, and I cannot quarrel 
 with his intentions ; but, I believe, it is generally understood that we are born 
 in ERROR, live in ERROR, and, I am sadly afraid, there are too many of us who 
 die in ERROR ! But no more of that we have other fish to fry at present, and 
 let us proceed with the business at issue." 
 
 The' following sort of remembrance, by way of EPITAPH, is inserted here, 
 that the proprietor may insert it under the leaves of the Oak Tree, at Woodland 
 Cottage , if he thinks proper : 
 
 IN ONE OF THE MOST SEdUESTERED, 
 YET TRULY DELIGHTFUL, ROMANTIC SPOTS IN THE 
 
 ISLE OF BUTE ; 
 
 AND FAR REMOVED FROM THE BUSY HUM OF THE GREAT WORLD, 
 
 HERE LIES (OR, MIGHT HAVE LAIN,) 
 
 EDMUND KEAN, ESQ., 
 
 WHO DIED AT THE PREMATURE AGE OF FORTY-FIVE YEARS, 
 ON WEDNESDAY, MAY 16, 1833, AT 
 
 RICHMOND, IN SURRY. 
 NO "WORDS CAN BE MORE APPLICABLE TO THE MEMORY OP THIS 
 
 MOST DISTINGUISHED 
 
 ACTOR ON THE ENGLISH STAGE, THAN THOSE FROM OUR IMMORTAL BARD f 
 WHOSE VERY SOUL HE SEEMED TO INHERIT BY CONCEPTION; 
 
 BUT WHOSE IDENTITY OF CHARACTER AND ILLUSTRATIONS OF 
 
 SHAKSPEARE, 
 
 RENDERED HIM UNEQUALLED, UNRIVALLED, AND WITH.OUT A COMPETITOR : 
 THEREFORE, TAKE HIM FOR " ALL IN ALL," WE SHALL NOT 
 
 LOOK UPON HIS LIKE AGAIN! 
 
 IT IS A TRUE RECORD OF THE MOVEMENTS OF THIS GREAT ACTOR IN HI 
 
 BUSY CAREER THROUGH SOCIETY : AND THOUGH WITH SINCERE REGRET 
 
 FORM MANY ERRORS, WE ARE LED TO 
 
 EXCLAIM 
 
 ALAS ! POOR HUMAN NATURE \ 
 
 YET, NEVERTHELESS, 
 
 HE WAS A MAN FOR A' AND A* THAT J 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL. 357 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 The PILGRIMS anxious to visit the SOURCE of the THAMES ; 
 one of the most important features in their Pilgrimage : 
 also to follow the STREAM to the finish of it. The NORE 
 explanation and authorities upon the subject. A trip to 
 Gloucestershire ; friendly reception at Fox-hunter's Hall. 
 SIR HENRY TALLY-HO, Bart., a choice spirit, one of the 
 Olden Times: TURF, FLOURISH, and SPRIGHTLY, quite 
 at home ; 
 
 A southerly wind, and a clomdy sky, 
 
 Proclaims a hunting morning : 
 Before the sun peeps we'll briskly fly, 
 
 Sleep and a downy bed scorning. 
 Away, my boys, to horse away, 
 
 The chase admits of no delay, 
 Now on horseback we've got 
 
 MAKEMONEY, in a new character, a second JOHNNY 
 GILPIN, who went faster and further than he intended 
 (but a miss is as good as a mile,) and, the Old Citizen, 
 none the worse for his unexpected gallop ! Outline of an 
 Oxford Scholar. Unlocked for incidents. The old Citizen 
 sporting a toe. Sketch of an accomplished thief, fyc. 
 
 " WE ought to see the Source of the THAMES, or else our Pil- 
 grimage will not be complete/' said Makemoney, " the trip,, 
 both by land and water, will afford us great variety of scenes ? 
 and T am quite sure that distance is of no consequence to my 
 brother Pilgrims, so that the trip is attended with pleasure and 
 profit." 
 
 " Distance, my dear friend/* replied Turf, " is quite out of 
 consideration with me at any time ; and if Jerusalem, or Jericho, 
 were named, I should not demur ! So let us be off !" 
 
 "Nor I," said Flourish, " under a good leader, I would march 
 to the end of the world; and never acknowledge that I felt 
 tired. But surely Gloucestershire cannot be termed a great dis- 
 tance from the Metropolis ?" 
 
 " A fig for distance/' said Sprightly, " either rowing, sailing, 
 turf, or turnpike, I am ready, only mention the place, my dear 
 uncle, and you will find us jolly Pilgrims on the alert." 
 
 "Gloucestershire, I think, is the spot," said Makemoney? 
 
358 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 " but I know that Wiltshire clalmes the honour of it also. 
 However, I am not historian enough, or scholar, to decide the 
 question ; but I have read, that from an infant spring, near 
 Cricklade, not far from Malmesbury, denominated THAMES 
 HEAD ! is the source from whence the mighty river springs : 
 
 First the fam'd authors of his ancient name, 
 The winding Isis, and the fruitful THAME ; 
 The Kennet swift, for silver eels renown'd, 
 The Loddon slow, with verdant alders crown'd ; 
 Cole, whose dark streams his flow'ry island lave, 
 And chalky Wey, that rolls a milky wave ; 
 The blue, transparent Vandalis appears, 
 The gulphy Lee, his sedgy tresses rears ; 
 And sullen Mole, that hides his diving flood, 
 And silent Darent, stained with Danish blood ! 
 
 " I understand," replied Turf, ' in a place called Trewsbury 
 Meadow, in the confines of Gloucestershire, called THAMES, or 
 Isis Head, the spring tumbles forth in a confined vale, from a 
 layer of loose, or flat stones, through Oxford, Henley, Maiden- 
 head, Windsor, Eton, Richmond, down to the Nore. The defi- 
 nition of the word Thames is not ^necessary for us Pilgrims to 
 enquire into ?" 
 
 " Not at all/' answered Flourish, " it has occupied the time 
 and pens of some of our greatest writers, both in ancient and 
 modern times. Holinshed, ;Stowe, Speed, Pope, &c. It is 
 quite sufficient to our purpose to understand that however 
 Gloucester may claim the honour of the SOURCE of the Thames, 
 it first becomes navigable in Wiltshire. It is, I am told, 240 
 miles in length; 188 of which are (navigable, when it joins the 
 Medway. The latter river, it is said, embraces the sea. There- 
 fore, I think, let us begin at the Source, and follow it until we 
 come to the NORE. Let us finish all well !'' 
 
 " Nothing could be more apropos,'' replied Turf, " I have a 
 worthy friend of mine in Gloucestershire, not far from the spot, 
 Sir Henry Tally-ho, Bart., who will not only receive us with 
 all the warmth of a brother, but he will tell us all about the 
 matter, and furnish us with some fine cattle to visit the SOURCE 
 of the Thames. He is one of the old school, an accomplished 
 sportsman, of ancient pedigree and good, but a gentleman in 
 every point of view. He is a high-spirited fellow, and I know 
 we shall all be at home to a peg. His mansion is the seat of 
 hospitality ; and my brother Pilgrims will experience, at Fox- 
 hunter's Hall, all that they can wish for, where they will be 
 surrounded with pleasure; comfort, at their elbows; and 
 happiness wait upon their nightcap/ 1 
 
 " That's your sort/' said Sprightly, "the character you have 
 given of this fine old fox hunter, is inviting in the .extreme : bur, 
 my friend, Turf, is at home every where. In fact, he is a sort 
 of polar star to us wandering Pilgrims !" 
 
IN SEARCH OF THE NATIONAL 359 
 
 " True, my nephew,'' echoed Makemoney, "Turf, is not only 
 one of the most accommodating" fellows that I ever met with in 
 the course of my life, but the readiest man to point out the 
 most agreeable, method of spending- our time either by land or 
 water. Let Us make the best of our way to Gloucestershire, 
 and on our return to London, afterwards, not a spot, or a creek, 
 connected with the source of the Thames, to the finish of it, at 
 the Nore, shall escape our notice/' 
 
 No time was lost, the quickest conveyance was adopted, and 
 in a short time, the Pilgrims found themselves comfortably 
 seated at Foxhunter's Hall. It was the true scene of hospitality 
 altogether, and so much sport and diversion were afforded to 
 them, that the days and nights positively flew away. 
 
 But Makemoney, Sprightly, and Flourish, were rather out, of 
 their element respecting 1 the conversation which took place be- 
 tween Turf and the baronet. Sir Henry Tally-ho, was a thorough- 
 bred sportsman, and he took delight in scarcely any other sub- 
 ject. The pedigree, blood, and bone belonging to the crack 
 horses, the winners of the St. Leger, the Derby, and the Oaks, 
 he had at his fingers ends, without consulting' any book of refer- 
 ence. The qualities of the jockies were also strongly impressed 
 upon his memory, and there were few, if any race course in the 
 kingdom, that he had not shown himself at one period or another, 
 during his life. 
 
 At his own table, he was a choice spirit of the highest quality, 
 and over his glass a most entertaining companion, in his peculiar 
 way ; he was fond of a song, cheerful upon all occasions to the 
 echo, and his greatest delight appeared to be to see and make 
 every body happy around him. 
 
 The library, left to him., by his predecessor, was seldom dis- 
 turbed, and the works in it, he jocularly used to call 
 " Horses of another colour, and did not belong to his book." 
 Yet, every thing new, respecting the field, he purchased with 
 avidity, for his perusal when laid up with the gout, or compelled 
 to remain within doors. The Racing Calender, he pointed out 
 to his friends with delight : the Stud Book, was also a treat to 
 him, the Sporting Magazine, from its commencement, was his 
 ' History of England,' as he termed it; and Boxiana, remind- 
 ed him of ( divers blows in sundry places ! All the above books 
 he had read so often, that he used to boast, he was as per- 
 fect about sporting events,;; as a clergyman, belonging to a 
 cathedral, with his bible. 
 
 Sir Henry Tally-ho, had no ambition to become an M. P., 
 nay, he had refused that honour several times, observing, with a 
 smile, that he would be distanced, double-distanced, amongst 
 the ' Great Creatures ' in the nation, and the House that claimed 
 his attention, when in London, was the Red house, and also the 
 most attractive room, was the subscription parlour at Tattersalls. 
 
360 THE PILGRIMS OF THE THAMES 
 
 The baronet likewise, at one period of his career, was a great 
 patron of the art of self-defence: he was fond of a cudgelling- 
 match, and could play a good bout at single-stick himself. The 
 prize-ring in its zenith, had not a greater supporter, and the 
 different styles and manners of the various boxers, he would 
 often descant upon rather eloquently. He used to call himself 
 an Englishman to the back-bone, and only exulted over Moli- 
 neaux, the man of colour, when he was defeated by the cham- 
 pion,- Tom Cribb, but apologized for this partiality, by observ- 
 ing, the national honour was at stake in the contest. 
 
 Sir Henry Tally-ho was a first-rate shot, and he could bring 
 down his bird with the best marksman in Gloucestershire ; but 
 out of the sporting world he pronounced himself little more than 
 a dummy, and had sense enough to keep his ' tongue within his 
 teeth/ when subjects were broached that he was ignorant of, or 
 could not comprehend. Such was the hero of Foxhunter' sHall. 
 Upon Makemoney's stating to the baronet that the principle 
 object of their journey was to view the SOURCE OF THE 
 THAMES. 
 
 " It is only a few miles from the hall," 'replied Tally-ho, cc and 
 a very pleasant ride through a delightful country. I have plenty 
 of horses, gentlemen, at your service, therefore, 1 beg you will 
 not stand upon any ceremony." 
 
 "We shall avail ourselves of your kind offer," answered 
 Turf, " but to praise the cattle of Sir Henry Tally-ho, would 
 be quite out of place." 
 
 " Stop a bit ! stop a bit ! said the old Citizen, " you forget 
 that I am no horseman, Mr. Turf, therefore, I must go to see the 
 source in a carriage of some description ; I shall then run no 
 risque of being thrown off my guard." 
 
 " My friend," replied the baronet, " you need not he under 
 any alarm as to being thrown, I have an old hunter, who has 
 seen the best of his days, and a baby might ride on him : be- 
 sides, he is as quiet as a lamb. Old Spankaway was once a tip- 
 top creature at a hunt, I admit, but his day has gone by, and, 
 like the old ones in general, both men and horses, his speed has 
 left him ; therefore, sir, I recommend the animal to your notice. 
 Any thing like danger, is not to be apprehended ; but if you 
 doubt my opinion of old Spankaway, my grooms will satisfy 
 you in every respect !" 
 
 " I do riot doubt your word, sir," answered Makemoney, " but 
 I repeat I am no horseman, and I may say, that almost since I 
 was a boy, I have not been across a horse ; and I am afraid I 
 might be rather timid." 
 
 " Never fear," said Turf, "we shall be all together and travel 
 at a moderate pace ; so that you may make up your mind no harm 
 will come of it. The road is a quiet one, and not like the dan- 
 gers to be apprehended on a race course." 
 
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