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A Periodical of Knock 
 
 nt^tio: tov^ One ifnotber ana Knock 
 
 »91W»tf<8W»» i (g 9i 'ff 0i 'i 
 
 ^J^ 
 
 90i ^0m$«mm9m€ m 
 
 Planted whenever we 
 need the n\oney by 
 the Boy Growf ter$ ott 
 Elv^t Aurora» Illmois. 
 
 UiiU.J.HJli . 1 . _ J l -. i .j_ i K i ij . .y i j ji j . ■ ■-: . H i ..■ 11 . 11 1 ^ 1" ' 
 
 Single Copies 
 Twenty-five Cents. 
 
 «r ^ 3 1901 9 ? 3 
 
 NQTB: Orlfflaally ptiblished inih^ OkMH^ Trtbi«ne <«'A iiliM^-Type^ff'- 
 Two** colunn, written by Btrt Lestod Taylor), and now done Into a 
 book and published for the Boy arafieri by William 8. Lord, fivanston, 
 . Illinois. (Qopyrlght if oi, by Wnilam 3. Lord. All rights reserved.) 
 
•,-v 
 
 Hpw^>^^ BilioUstine 
 
 W as F^ 0u nd e d 
 
 [ From **^j^ JLffie^o'' ^ypfi^r* ^4^ *' of 
 ^prit 12.] 
 
 m 
 
 E'are mucji gratified to announce that we have secured three 
 fots of land at E^ A»4rora, Ills., and are now negotiating 
 for the closing of ^ alley, and upon this site we shall insti- 
 tute- the home pf the Bey Grafters-, the, object of which is to do 
 thhigs -into ^old bricks and other articJcs calculated to con the com- 
 tnunitf, especially that part' of it which is female and literary and 
 adores speaking eyes and conversational long hair, and Fra McGih- 
 nis will be in charge of the -shop. He is voy long^-hair, and- h 
 r.he original goo-goo eye tnan. ' . * 
 
 (From '^A I^irve-oVTyperi^r-Two'' ©/ Aprii 1>4 
 
 A^We are happy to report that our negotiations for closing the 
 alley at East Aurora, Ills., resulted satisfactorily, and the work of 
 housing* the Boy Grafters will begin at once. There is an old build- 
 ing now on, the property, and in this, temporarily, the work of the 
 Boy Grafters will be carried on. Work" is nbw being rushed on the 
 first number of Th\Biliqwtine, the magazine with which the 
 Boy Grafters pronQ-c^'to con thqx<»n;'ii^jinityr Our first announce- 
 ment has created'ayistamoufit or interest; ^^ we. have received 
 many in(Juiwes%" t<j\what so^t of person Fra ^fcGinnis is. He will 
 be knowR'.by his v'Qrks,; a'nd.ywecan only cay now that lie is not 
 such, a fo6l'"as iie! "look's. *^' As wv -have i'lot- thi space to reproduce 
 the entire number of Thi; Bilioustine in this column, we 
 shall hjhrc to publish, it ti'plge at ^ tiijfic, 
 
.1 I htf 
 
 E6e Tribe of Knock 6|' 
 
 Otherwise | ^Q 
 
 The Society of the Boy Grafters K/f\ 
 
 An Association of Clever Persons Who 
 Paint, Pose and Pre&n, for the Benefit of 
 Women That Adore Long Hair and Soft 
 Eyes. (Note: Fra McGinnis will gladly 
 send you a lock of his hair on suspicion.) 
 
 IRTICLE xlix. — Address all communi- 
 cations to Fra McGinnis, Head Grafter, 
 East Aurora, Ills. People with the price 
 to hire a hall can also have the Fra for 
 preachments. Anybody desiring to 
 entertain the Fra socially is warned 
 that he is not responsible for what he may say or 
 do for the purpose of advertising himself. Better 
 put him in the stable. 
 
 Very Special: On receipt of $So The Boy 
 Grafters will send you a gold brick, done into 
 brass at their Philandery, 
 • EAST AURORA, ILLINOIS, 
 
 1 
 
 27'8839 
 
Notice! ImportSLiit! 
 
 nHE BOY GRAFTERS originally planned to get 
 out 647 copies of The Bilioustine, done onto 
 Watt' ell hand-laundered paper, with all the 
 other rub-a-dub-dub that has made their work justly- 
 famous; but the orders have poured in at such a rate 
 that it has been decided to do 984 copies, each num- 
 bered and autographed by Fra McGinnis, with a por- 
 trait of the Fra in a Quaker hat, as a frontispiece. 
 The Fra has more front than a hotel. IT ▼ ▼ 
 
 D 
 
 HIS is a strictly limited edition, and is designed 
 for circulation in and around Chicago. Another 
 limited edition of 984 copies will be circulated 
 in and about Denver; a third in and about Buffalo; and 
 a fourth in and about the Atlantic States. This ex- 
 planation is made for the benefit of people who do 
 not know what a limited edition is. If T ▼ ▼ 
 
 Uneeddc Bilioustine! 
 
LITTLE JOURNEYS 
 
 To the Scenes of Famous Explosions 
 By Fra McGi^inis 
 
 .jT B li^ I JB ^y^ or 1 9 O 1 
 
 The Explosion in Lake Michigan. 
 The Explosion in the Chicago River. 
 The Explosion of the War Ship on 
 the Drainage Canal. 
 
 Each bound in Burlap, lined with wall paper, 
 
 with author's autograph and lock of his hair. 
 
 Single copies, .... ;pl3.00. 
 
 Note: The Boy Grafters will be glad to do anybody on 
 
 suspicion. Send for come-on literature done in green. 
 
 EAST AURORA, ILLINOIS. 
 
 3 
 
HAIR.! HAIR! 
 
 I HE Boy Grafters will be pleased to send 
 a lock of Fra McGinnis' Hair on sus- 
 picion. The Fra has been saving his 
 cuttings for the past ten years, and has 
 a barrelful. Address Sindbad, the 
 Buzz-saw, at the Philandery, East Aurora, Illinois. 
 
 SPECIAL! 
 
 "^ A few choice handfuls have been done Sito sofa 
 pillows, covered with Imperial Chinese silk, sdtched 
 by hand, and hand-illumined by Saint Bill. Very 
 Boygraftie. Will be sent on suspicion, Y ▼ ▼ 
 
 VER.Y SPECIAL! 
 
 ^ Persons desiring fresh hair can obtain it in limited 
 quantities by applying after each new moon, at which 
 time Fra McGinnis trims his locks in order to stimu- 
 late their growth. ^ ^ y^ y^ y^ 
 
 Uneed^L Hatircut! 
 
THE BILIOUSTINE 
 
 FAME 
 If you would strike the road to fame 
 
 Just print a lot of rot ; 
 And if you make it strong enough 
 
 Tou''ll ivin^ as like as not. 
 
 Side Wipes by the Tasior at His FtocK* 
 
 TOOK a trip to Denver recently 
 over the P. D. & Q. railroad, 
 the best road in the country (I 
 have an annual pass over it,) and 
 in the smoking car I noticed a 
 wreck of a man, w^ho confessed 
 ^ to me that reading essays printed 
 on ordinary paper w^ith ordinary ink, and bound in 
 ordinary cloth covers, had impaired his eyesight and 
 general health. "What you need," said I, ''are 
 preachments done into English on Watt* ell hand-made 
 paper, bound in burlap, with hand -painted initial let- 
 ters, and a bas-relief photogravure of myself done into 
 brown on Japan vellum, with a backing of limp calf." 
 **Who are you?" asked the man, grasping my hand 
 as a shipwrecked mariner grasps a tomato crate. *'I 
 
THE am Fra McGinnis of the Boy Grafters/' I replied, 
 BILIOUS- removing my sombrero and permitting my hair to fall 
 TINE about my Florentine shoulders. 
 
 y "Fra McGinnis," repeated the man, "it seemi to 
 me I have heard of you. You publish — ** Y 
 
 ^ ''My dear sir,*' I interrupted, "the Boy Grafters 
 'publish' nothing; they do it into English." y 
 y "Isn't your printing shop at East Aurora, Ills.?" 
 y '*We have no 'printing shop,' '' I corrected. "We 
 have a Philandery, in which we do things on Watt*cll 
 hand -laundered paper. Let me do you on suspicion." 
 Saying which I opened my sample case and exhibited 
 a few lovely things stitched, by hand with silk. The 
 man pawed them over in trembling delight. "Ah!" 
 he cried, "this is what I have always yearned for!" 
 Ten minutes later I had his order for Tom Hood's 
 "Song of the Shirt," done on imported Madras, with 
 a narrow blue stripe, photogravure of Fra McGinnis 
 for a tailpiece, and illuminated silhouette of Sindbad 
 the Buzz-saw, for a frontispiece; size I5J^; price 
 ;gi5oadozen. y ▼ T ▼ 
 
 THE BOY GRAFTERS will he glad to send a bust of Fra 
 McGinnis on suspicion. Something very tender ^ very precious. 
 Modeled in mud by Siribad. Price^ $33; cheaper in dozen lots, 
 
 6 
 
■SBB^BBBB 
 
 S I was standing 5n the alley beside the THE 
 
 Philandery the other day, thinking up BILIOUS- 
 
 something particularly vulgar for the next TINE 
 number, a man approached me with be- 
 
 fitting reverence. "Is this Fra McGinnis?'' he 
 asked. "Can't you tell by my hair?" said I. "I 
 am a reformed barkeeper," said the man, "and I 
 would like some work that will take my mind off 
 bottles and kegs." «*Were you a good hand at doing 
 liquors into cocktails?" I asked. "My customers 
 said so," he replied, modestly. '*Very well, I'll 
 put you in charge of the mud-mixing department," 
 said I. "Go into the Philandery and tell Sindbad to 
 do you into a saint." 
 
 ▼ Saint Malone is now in charge of the Boy Grafters' 
 Sculpture department. He has recently done a bust 
 of myself into mud that I will gladly send to the elect 
 on suspicion. Write for come-on circulars. 
 
 VERY SPECIAL; ''Smoking Car St<yrie8," being a collecticm 
 of yams spun to Fra McGinnis by Boccaccio Kennedy of Min- 
 neapolis^ with others of the Fra* a own devising. Very rank and 
 risky. 
 
THE 
 BILIOUS- 
 TINE 
 
 m 
 
 EAR little Playmate in the Forest of Ardcn, 
 take my word for it — motley's the only 
 wear. What tho' the judicious grieve? 
 The unskillful laugh and applaud; and the 
 unskillful pay the freight. ^ ▼ 
 
 y^ Always play ragtime with your foot on the loud 
 pedal. Y 
 
 ^ That is an epigram. Playmate. I turn them fre- 
 quently and without exertion; and usually I do them 
 into separate paragraphs. ▼ ▼ ▼ 
 
 Personally, Playmate, I do not fancy motley for rai- 
 ment. I should prefer a suit of sober cut and color. 
 For I am by nature serious, as is every thinking being. 
 But prithee. Playmate, were I to appear serious, 
 where would I get oiF? Not having an epigram handy, 
 I will continue: y Y 
 
 y^ Motley's the only wear, in Arden or out. The 
 reason, playmate, that I am handing you this little talk 
 is that I do not wish you to think that I am as big a 
 fool as I pretend to be. ^ 
 
 CONFESSIONAL 
 Am I alone 
 
 And unobserved? I am. 
 Then let me own 
 I am an esthetic sham. 
 
 —Saint Bunthome, 
 
 S 
 
Things are seldom what they seem ; THE 
 
 Skim-milk masquerades as cream. _j__ j^j jq 
 
 Fads, Playmate, are usually expensive for their possess- *5lJ^l^Uo- 
 
 ors. I am one of the Rare Ones that have made •'■"^•'^ 
 money out of their fads. Keep this to yourself. Play- 
 mate. I wouldn't have it get abroad for the world. 
 
 IBB^SL. ▼ ▼ ▼ 
 
 nr^E^nEAR little Playmate in the Star Garden of 
 
 H ^B il the Universe: What's the use? 
 H ^mM^ Vlt's hot, and dusty, and the electric fan 
 iBBSflJ^H is all run down, and I repeat — for repeti- 
 tion is the keynote of the Universe — What's the use? 
 
 ▼ You observe I use capitals freely. They don't 
 cost any more, and they look better in Antique Black 
 Face. 
 
 ▼ Take my word for it. Dear Playmate — or not, 
 just as you please — we are all players with Star Dust. 
 Some of us get more dust than others; that is all the 
 difference. I am rapidly acquiring dust enough to 
 build a planet of responsible size because I know how 
 
 ENNUI 
 I wish I were a resident 
 Of Mercury or Mars ; 
 For then I wouldn't care a hoot 
 About the Earth^s Affairs, 
 
 —Era McQinnis. 
 
THE to advertise. Take my word for it. Playmate — as I 
 BILIOUS- remarked before — you must advertise these days. 
 
 TINE ▼ Once upon a time — a long, long time ago — wise 
 men with messages of importance to the world deliv- 
 ered them simply, and were content with the deliver- 
 ance. Now a man must get a Kickapoo medicine 
 makeup and pose all the long, long day in order to 
 gain the ear and eye of the world. 
 ▼ But take my word for it, Dear Playmate — or go 
 to thunder — we are all variety performers on the roof 
 garden of the world. Some of us are headliners; 
 some do thinking parts. I know, because I am 
 
 Fra McGinnis. 
 
 ▼ ▼ ▼ 
 
 LiUte Li-Oer TilU 
 
 T is extremely difficult to be entertaining 
 
 and clean at the same time, especially on 
 
 ordinary paper and in ordinary ink. 
 
 ▼ Think of a life without Japan vellum ! 
 
 Imagine an existence void of Watt' ell hand-made 
 
 paper and antique black face ! Yet millions of our 
 
 NO NUMBER OF THE BILIOUSTINE WILL BE RE- 
 PRINTED. 
 
 10 
 
fellow- beings never know the joys of a de luxe life. THE 
 
 ▼ Fra McGinnis is preparing a preachment, which BILIOUS- 
 he will shortly do into hot air in Chicago. It is en- XINE 
 titled, ''The Gentle Art of Making an Ass of One's 
 
 Self." 
 
 ▼ Next to boiling an egg there is nothing easier to do 
 than an epigram. Just take a pertinent saying by 
 some dead genius and turn it inside out. 
 
 ▼ The Boy Grafters have done a few bas reliefs of 
 Fra McGinnis in chewing gum, which they will be 
 glad to send to the female elect on suspicion. 
 
 ▼ Every subscriber to The Bilioustine is entitled to a 
 can of Love Vibrations. If you don't get it, make a 
 holler. 
 
 ▼ Work on the next number of The Bilioustine is 
 now progressing at the Philandery. Saint McPherson 
 is designing a cover that for artistic effect has never 
 been equaled. 
 
 ▼ The editions of the Fra's "Little Journeys to the 
 Scenes of Famous Explosions" are already exhausted. 
 A fresh batch will soon be put in the oven. 
 
 u 
 
THE 
 BILIOUS- 
 TINE 
 
 D 
 
 THE PALE-BLUE ASS 
 I never saw a pale-blue ass— 
 
 Fve always wished to see one. 
 Meanwhile I do my level best 
 
 Endeavoring to be one. 
 
 — Era McGinnis. 
 
 Mr. l>ubbe Sees Kra McGinnts 
 
 WENT to East Aurora, 111. , yesterday to 
 see Fra McGinnis, and I confess that I 
 carried a strong prejudice with me. I had 
 regarded the Fra as a species of literary 
 rendering works, which ought to be abated as a com- 
 mon nuisance. The questions that I desire to settle 
 were. Is the man sincere? Does he believe in hu- 
 manity ? A rendering works may be sincere, and I 
 can conceive the possibility of a soap factory believing 
 in humanity. The Fra, I reflected, for all his gro- 
 tesqueness, all his vulgarity — may be a sincere believer 
 in the human race and desirous of bettering its low 
 estate. 
 
 ▼ I found the Fra in the alley that skirts the Philan- 
 dery, standing in a negligee attitude, with a far-away 
 expression in his eyes. I waited till he had complet- 
 ed his pose, and then introduced myself. 
 
 ▼ "Let us go into the Philandery," said he, "and 
 do a few thoughts into conversation.'* 
 
▼ *'Is there/* I required, * 'any place near by where THE 
 
 one can do a Jamaica ginger highball into renewed BILIOUS- 
 interestinlife?" TINE 
 
 ▼ Fra McGinnis smiled — one of those benedictory 
 smiles for which he is justly celebrated — and led the 
 way to a neighboring highballery. 
 
 ▼ After we had done a clove into a breath from the 
 Molucca Isles, we repaired to the Philandcry, and, 
 piloted by the Fra, I inspected each stage of the 
 game. T ▼ T ▼ 
 
 ▼ **How happy the Boy Grafters look,'* I remark- 
 ed. ▼ T ▼ T 
 
 ▼ "Why not?'' said the Fra. "They get 17 cents a 
 day, and all the work they can lug. The Philan- 
 dery is for the Boy Grafters. They have nothing to 
 do but work. Work is for all. Work is Beauty, 
 and Beauty is Work. Ars longa, vita brevis ! That 
 reminds me of a story I heard in Minneapolis, about 
 the drummer and — ' ' ▼ ▼ 
 
 ▼ Here Fra McGinnis did a small fertilizer, and 
 laughed immoderately when he had finished. "Do 
 you know," said he, "I once knew a man in a small 
 New York town, who had no liking at all for such 
 merry tales. He used to say that, whereas the 
 
 18 
 
THE average man would tell a risky yarn of that nature, he 
 
 BILIOUS- usually gave it an apologetic preface, and finished it 
 
 TINE shamefacedly. And yet this man vi^as the meanest 
 
 curmudgeon in the township. He was a terror to 
 
 the widow and the orphan, and kicked every stray 
 
 dog that got in his way. ' * ▼ ▼ ▼ 
 
 ▼ ''From which you argue?'* said I inquiringly. ▼ 
 
 ▼ "That the relating, or the printing, of ofFcolor 
 jests or stories is not so much a matter of common 
 decency as of business cleverness in doing one's self 
 into a topic for town talk. " ▼ ▼ 
 
 ▼ This was said with such an air of convincingosity 
 that I was constrained to accept it as Truth. ▼ 
 
 ▼ Fra McGinnis, finding me a good listener, en- 
 chanted mine ear for an hour or more, and little by 
 little I fell under the spell of his fathomless eyes. Fra 
 McGinnis, to sum him up, believes in himself, be- 
 cause he knows himself. I should say there was a 
 touch of poetic bughouse about him, with, say, a jig- 
 ger of mysticism and a dash of genius. When he 
 talks you feel as if some one were going through 
 your pockets. When he opens his mouth you feel 
 instinctively that he is not going to put his foot in it — 
 and you never know why. T ▼ ▼ 
 
 li 
 
y I came away perfectly satisfied. Fra McGinnis is THE 
 
 sincere, and he believes in humanity. Y ▼ BILIOUS- 
 
 y He believes it can be worked. y ^ TINE 
 
 Criticus Flub-Dubbe. 
 
 ▼ ▼ ▼ 
 
 POSE 
 You hold yourself like this [attitude]^ 
 
 You hold yourself like that [^attitude] ; 
 And say or write some thing thafs quite 
 Indecorous or flat. 
 
 —Fra McGinnis, 
 
 T T ▼ 
 
 Little Journeys to the Hornet of 
 Famous ^oser^ 
 
 [Aa written by Poeta Pants^ the initial letter being designed by 
 Saint Clarence^ and the whole done into a good job by the Boy 
 Grafters^ at their Philandery^ which is in East Aurora^ Illinois^ 
 U. S, -4., in the month of May ^ in the year MCMI, A. 2).] 
 
 DON'T care what the men, who are jealous, 
 say about Fra McGinnis; I think he is just lovely; 
 and his poses are poetry itself. I had just the nicest 
 time on my trip to East Aurora. Fra McGinnis was 
 amiability personified, and, besides his usual poses, he 
 did a number of new ones for my special benefit. *'I 
 am rehearsing these for my next Preachment,*' he 
 
 15 
 
 D 
 
THE said. '*How do you like this?" And snifting to his 
 BILIOUS- other limb, he melted — I can think of no other word — 
 TINE i°^o t^^ sweetest attitude imaginable. ^ ▼ 
 
 Y *'Let us talk about Art," said the Fra. *'By all 
 means," said I; '*I am awfully fond of Art. I think 
 it's just fine." ▼ ▼ ▼ 
 
 Y '*Art," said the Fra, dreamily, *'is hot stuff." As 
 he said this he fixed his sad, solemn gaze upon me and 
 kept it there till I began to get creepy. Did you ever 
 notice a carette horse looking at your straw hat ? It 
 was just such a sad, yearning expression. ^ 
 
 ^ <'Art," resumed Fra McGinnis, '^should be pur- 
 sued for its own sake. Unfortunately it is infrequently 
 remunerative when so pursued. The World's eye 
 and ear must be attracted. How to do it? Ah, that's 
 the question. Now I pose. It's a good game; but 
 it's tedious, very cloying." ^ 
 
 ^ '*Then, why do you do it?* ' I asked sympathetically. 
 
 YEARNING 
 Whenever the pesky Summer Fly 
 
 My classic Brow assails^ 
 I wish that I could swish my Hair 
 Like horses swish their tails. 
 
 —Fra McGinnis. 
 
 16 
 
^ re Why, ' * said the Fra, with just the loveliest shrug, THE 
 "one must live." ^ Y BILIOUS- 
 
 ^ "Must one?'' I exclaimed impulsively. "Some- TINE 
 times I wonder in my artless, idiotic way, whether 
 one really must live." ▼ ▼ T 
 
 ^ ''Dear little playmate on Evolution's Outer Rim," 
 said the Fra, taking both my hands, "believe me, one 
 really must live. It is a law of our nature. The hap- 
 piest are those that, like Schopenhauer, see the neces- 
 sity of things and stop kicking. You remember what 
 he says in *Die Welt als Wille und Vorstellung' ?' * 
 ^ "No," said I, "I have r^ad only his essay on 
 Woman and I think that's just horrid." ^ 
 
 ^ "He was a great man," said the Fra, musingly, 
 * 'Sometimes I think he was as great a man as I. Like 
 myself, he voiced a New Thought. But my hair is 
 longer, and I can tell fiinhy stories all 'round him.'* 
 ^ At this point I trembled, fearing that Fra McGinnis 
 would do a naughty story into fertilizer. But he didn't, 
 and I breathed easier. He released my hands and 
 rose, sighing heavily. The interview w^as ended. I 
 had already consumed four minutes of his valuable 
 time. ▼ T ▼ 
 
 Y Before I departed the Fra gave me a can of his 
 
 17 
 
THE Love Vibrations and showed me how to open it. *'You 
 BILIOUS- put this little ear of tin thru the slit in the key, then 
 TINE turn the key round and round till the lid comes off. " 
 ^ "Why, it's just like sardines,** I said. ^ 
 
 Y *'Yes,** said the Fra, dreamily; "little fishes done 
 in oil; little love vibrations done in ether. Farewell.'* 
 
 Y "O, I almost forgot**, I cried. "Won't you give 
 me a lock of your hair ? * * ^ Y 
 
 ^ **With pleasure," he answered, shearing off a 
 small Hyperion curl. "I have hair to singe. Again 
 farewell!** ^ Poeta Pants. 
 
 And here concludeth the Little Journey ^ as written by Poeta 
 Pants, the Tailpiece being designed by Saint Archibaldrandthe 
 whole stuck together in elegant shape by the Boy Grafters^ at 
 their Philandery^ which is in East Aurora^ Illinois^ which is in 
 the United States^ in the Month of May and the Year MCMI.^ 
 A.D. 
 
 APPRECIATION 
 Occasionally, when I pose, 
 
 I thinks in secret pride 
 "J'K bet I'd make a Statiie grand 
 
 If I were petrified. 
 
 —Fra McGinnis, 
 18 
 
ADMONITORY THE 
 
 Speak gently to the naughty Fra, t>tt J(\i tc 
 
 And beat him when he sneezes. xjll^lKJsJO' 
 
 He only does it to annoy ^ 1 jJME 
 
 And 'cause he knows it teases. 
 
 Knieriainin^ JTra McCinnU 
 
 As written by Sindbad the Buzz-saw^ the initial letter being 
 designed by Saint Sally of the Philandery Alley ^ and the 
 whole done into ten-point Caslon Old Style by Harry the Hand- 
 setter ^ honest Boy Grafter, 
 
 DHA VE just returned from a Preachment Peram- 
 bulation—in vulgar parlance, a lecture tour — 
 with Fra McGinnis, from which we raised enough 
 money to repaint the Philandery and shingle the L. 
 yf The Fra made the biggest hit at Duluth, where 
 there is a regular epidemic of culture. After the usual 
 hot air at the opera-house, Mrs. Camp-Cook, the 
 society leader, asked Fra McGinnis if she might have 
 the honor of entertaining him. ^ 
 
 ^'*I always charge ^25 extra when I am entertained, * ' 
 said the Fra, coldly. ▼ ▼ T 
 
 ^ **How original,** gurgled Mrs. Camp-Cook, *'I 
 shall be happy to pay it. * * y^ ^ 
 
 ^ "In advance,'* added the Fra. Mrs. Camp-Cook 
 19 
 
THE counted out the money into my hands, and we re- 
 BBLIOUS- paired to her residence on East Superior street, where 
 TINE we found si large company of society people, who had 
 gathered in the expectation that Fra McGinnis would 
 scintillate for their benefit. Evidently they did not 
 know him. When the company had gathered in the 
 drawing room, Fra McGinnis entered and took a seat 
 in the middle of the room. He kept on his large 
 Quaker hat, as is his custom, and, adjusting a de luxe 
 attitude, with his chin propped by his club-cane, he 
 stared pensively at the corner of an oil painting. Every- 
 body voted the pose charming, but at the end of 
 half an hour, during which time the Fra said nothing, 
 Mrs. Camp- Cook began to get uneasy. ^ 
 y^ Finally the Fra rose, with a gesture of weariness, 
 and addressed the hostess, ▼ ▼ ▼ 
 
 ^ "Damme Laura, '* said he, (the Fra always uses 
 the first name of a woman when speaking to her,) 
 *'damme, Laura, if your promised entertainment is 
 not speedily forthcoming, I shall go to bed." 
 ^ A murmur of admiration went around the room. 
 **Isn't he original !" "I do love eccentric people !" 
 "Charming ! ' ' '^That's the New Thought ! " y 
 ^ Mrs. Camp- Cook took advantage of the diversion 
 
to spring her refreshments on the crowd; but Fra Mc- THE 
 
 Ginnis balked when the sandwiches reached him. BDLIOUS- 
 
 If **I always charge ten dollars extra when I cat," TINE 
 
 he said. T ▼ ▼ 
 
 ^ ^'Pm sorry/* said Mrs. Cook- Camp, in a flurried 
 
 whisper, **Pm all out of change. Won^t to-morrow 
 
 do?" TV T 
 
 ^ **In advance,*' said the Fra, coldly. 
 
 ▼ One of Mrs. Camp-Cook's friends came to her 
 rescue by passing the hat and collecting ten dollars; 
 and Fra McGinnis condescended to bury a cheese 
 sandwich and a bottle of beer. Then he relapsed 
 into his de luxe attitude, and another long silence fell. 
 
 ▼ When the guests finally exhibited symptoms of de- 
 parting the hostess rose and addressed the Fra. ▼ 
 
 ▼ * 'Perhaps," said she, *'you would like to retire." 
 ▼ ''Excepting Minneapolis," he replied,, "there is 
 no place I would rather go to than to bed." ▼ 
 
 ▼ After an eiFusion of admiration from the departing 
 guests, the Fra stalked to his bed-chamber, and shortly 
 afterward there was a deuce of a commotion, climax- 
 ing in a crash. It developed that Mrs. Camp-Cook 
 had sent a maid servant several times to the Fra's 
 room to make certain that he lacked for nothing, and 
 
THE that Fra, losing patience, had thrown the maid down 
 BILIOUS- stairs. Above her wails could be heard the voice of 
 TINE the Fra, in sonorous deprecation: ▼ ▼ 
 
 ▼ **Damme, Laura, I want to be let alone!" ▼ 
 
 ▼ Fortunately the maid was not much hurt, except 
 in her dignity, and the incident passed. ▼ 
 
 SiNDBAD THE BuZZ-SaW. 
 
 1 ^ !■ II II ■ IP 11 1 1 m - mt fWKfw^'mr^K'mgm 
 
 
 Mere endeth the entertaining chronicle by Sindbad the Buzz- 
 saw^ the tailpiece being designed by Saint Susie the Illuminator; 
 the text done into ten-point Caslon Old Style by Harry the Hand- 
 setter^ Honest Boy Grafter; the proof pulled by the Black One; 
 and the same read by Larry the Lynx-Eyed^ who was duly and 
 properly cussed by Fra McGinnis for several inaccuries; and 
 the border being ingeniously devised by Daniel the Foreman, 
 who inverted two lines- o-type fished from the hell-box ;—all these 
 truly remarkable happenings happening to happen at the 
 Philanderyt which is in Ea$t Aurora^ Ilia, 
 
 22 
 
FreL McGinnls* Lectures 
 
 nDID a few preachments into stained glass attitudes 
 and chants the past week, and was highly spoken 
 of by the following representative papers of the 
 United States: 
 
 To tun T a IK. 
 Fra McGinnis, Head Philanderer in the Boy Grafters* 
 Philandery at East Aurora, 111., spoke at the Town Hall 
 last night to an audience that filled the hall and overflowed 
 the street clear to the hay scales. To-day he is town talk 
 and Pastor Smith is going to preach about him next Sab- 
 bath. — Kankakee [111.] Kohinoor. 
 
 He 'B e t i en) e^ in Humanity 
 
 All the women turned out to hear Fra McGinnis at 
 the opera house last night. The men don't seem to take 
 no stock in him, but the women say he is just lovely. 
 The Fra is a queer looking guy from East Aurora, Ills., 
 who says he believes in humanity. — Tadville [111.] Tat- 
 tler. 
 
 He TaKe^ 'Km In 
 
 A lady who went to hear Fra McGinnis at the town 
 hall last night said today: **You go to him — you have 
 to — and he takes you in.'' The Fra took in ^40.00. — 
 Bannertown [111.] Bazoo. 
 
 THIS COPY OF THB BII.IOUSTINE IS NOT COMPLETE 
 WITHOUT A CAN OF I^OVE) VIBRATIONS. IF SHY, ASK 
 YOUR NEWSBKAI^KR. 
 
Being six essays by Fra Mc- 
 Ginnis, done into prunes at 
 the Boy Grafters' Prunery 
 (otherwise Philandery), at East 
 Aurora, Illinois. 
 
 "The Limp Calf— A Pastoral/' 
 "The Crush at Levant." 
 "Imperial Japan." 
 "A Few Sniggers." 
 "Why Get a Haircut ?" 
 "Extracts from Tristram Shandy." 
 
 THESE are not ordinary boarding house prunes, 
 but large, de luxe prunes, hand-picked, hand- 
 tooled, and hand-packed. Very Boygraftie. Nine 
 hundred and eighty-four of them have been 
 prepared for the elect, and will be sent on 
 suspicion. Photogravure of the gifted Fra, done 
 on fine cambric, upon each box. 
 Uneeda prune. 
 
 24 
 
Offers for the Sfitison of 1901-1^02 
 Fra McGinnis of the Boy Gmfters 
 
 JTor a JTctif Choice "Preachment's • 
 
 SUBJECTS: 
 The Boy Grafters and Their Work. 
 What I Know About t^ Absolute. 
 Little Journeys to the Stock- Yards. 
 The Vellum Game. • ' ' 
 
 '^State which make-up the Fra is desired in-, and 
 which collection pf attitudes is preferred. ^ 
 
 '^Notice TO Clx^bs: Social, organizations desiring to 
 
 entertain the Fra are requested to furnish to hia* com- 
 
 . piete lists of their members, as^he Fra makes a practice 
 
 of sending to them packages of his books on suspicion. 
 
 \/needa Treachmeni. 
 
A PertadtofcLof Knock 
 
 M 
 
 % 
 
 KnocK^ and the louorld l^ocKj^ ^^^ youz 
 'Boo^i^ and ycu boost c^one» '^^ 
 
 intdiprint when- 
 
 efed themoh* 
 
 Boy Grafters 
 
 Aurora* Illinois 
 
 ^* ^» ^ 1901 ?y^ ^* ^* 
 
 Twenty-Five Cents 
 
 NOTE: OriginMymbtlBhtd in theljgi httgo Tribune (;# Llne-o»-Type-or- 
 l^X J^JTk ilEK®'*?/ ^^^ ' ^ -^Thfc|i| T ni|(n into a printed 
 book and publlJ^d lor the Boy Qrafterft byl^MPirLord. Evanston. Ills. 
 (Copyright 1901. by William sf Lord. Alllrtghts reserVid.) T >? % 
 
BCR.T LEST ON TAYLOR'S 
 
 S6e Bilioustine^ 
 
 EfH)ery Copy Tied tviih a Siring hy Hand 
 
 *A TIMELY A^O MERITED SATIRE" 
 
 "Asa well-aimed shaft of ridicule there is nothing to equal 
 it. As a piece of humor it is a gem."— i>enver Republican. 
 
 "The Fra McGinnis of 'The Bilioustine* proves to be a more 
 entertaining character than the original Fra, while his writings 
 are much cleverer and contain a great deal more common sense 
 than those of his model. Not otaly is 'The Biliouttine' a faithful 
 copy of the original pamphlet both in style an^ appearance, but 
 in many cates the imitation is an improvement upon the^origin- 
 &V— Chicago Journal. 
 
 "No reader can afford to be without a copy of 'The Bilious- 
 tine."*— CTiicctipo Post , 
 
 "One of the best parodies perpetrated in the last twenty 
 years."— 5t Louis Mirror, 
 
 "There is humor in every sentence of the 8ati|K."*^£K. Loii- 
 is Republic. ' -v 
 
 ^toioun Taper Bdition^ ^tifenty-JTi^fe Cents 
 Rdiiion de Lujee, limited^ to 2S& copies, 
 bated and stenciled by hand (on approxfal 
 if requested)^ each. TttfO 7}oilars 
 
 A^ddress. WILLIAM S. h,OVLl^, Tublisher 
 £vQLi\ston» v* v» Illinois 
 
^he Philanderers 
 
 Otherwise 
 
 <E6^ Society of 'She Boy Grafters 
 
 An Association of Ci.kvkr Persons Who 
 
 Do Things on Watt'eIvIv Hand-Madb 
 
 Pape:r and Do Peopi^e; on Suspicion. 
 
 Fra McGinnis, Head Grafter. 
 
 IRTICLE xvii.— A Life Mem- 
 bership in the society of the 
 Boy Grafters will set you 
 back Twenty-five Cents, pay- 
 able Every Little While. The 
 name of the Honorary Grafter 
 is entered in the Cash Book, and a praise serv- 
 ice in his name is conducted in the Philandery 
 by Saint Barabbas. ▼ T ▼ 
 
 Very Special: On receipt of Four Dollars, 
 to cover express charges, etc., the Boy Graft- 
 ers will also send a sofa pillow stuffed by hand 
 with the Fra's summer crop of hair, and beau- 
 tifully decorated by Saint Susie, the Illumi- 
 nator. Very Boy-Graftie ! ^ Y 
 X 
 
Free with Every Copy of 
 
 Zhc J5tltou6ttne 
 
 Fra McGinnis' 
 Celebretted 
 Love Vibra.tions 
 
 Cure 
 Bil- 
 ious- 
 ness 
 
 j'^IRECTION^ 
 
 I^CE ifc TO ai I 
 
 § I TEA SPOONFUL | 
 
 I . ai TO 40 
 
 ^0 AND OVER 
 ^E HALF CAN 
 
 If Shy, Notify Your Newsdeocler 
 
 2 
 
l^effer»r jfrom JTra McGinnU to Major 
 
 JLa^oofif Manager of the International 
 
 Preachment Chiffonier 
 
 W^M Y DKAR MAJOR:— Your letter of the 29th ult. (ulterior 
 ■AAl Diotive) exhibits your characteristic perspicacity and 
 myi cosmic insight. Yes, I will do my preachment the 
 coming season under your management. My price is 
 $300 a night and expenses. Yours for dough, 
 
 The Philandery, Sept. 2. FRA M'GINNIS 
 
 My Dear Major:— Three hundred dollars would be high 
 for a highball, but not for my preachment. I am not charging 
 for the preachment alone; I am charging for my goo-goo eyes, 
 my hair, and my masquerade clothes. I am the best drawing 
 card in your deck, and you know it. On second thought I have 
 decided to soak you $400 a night. Yours for the main chance, 
 
 The Philandery, Sept. 6. FRA M'GINNIS 
 
 My Dear Major:— I am not doing the preachment for my 
 health. As a matter of fact, I shouldn't do it at all. If I were 
 to remain in the Philandery back yard and write, I could make 
 Carlyle or Ruskin look like a broken whiffletree on a new drag. 
 I am sacrificing this opportunity by going out and talking to 
 hoi polloi. I couldn't think of doing it for less than I500 a 
 night. Better call me this trip, or I'll raise you out of the game. 
 Yours as before, 
 
 The Philandery, Sept. 9. FRA M'GINNIS 
 
 My Dear Major:— I return contract, signed. Please ob- 
 serve that I reserve the right to break it at any time and to 
 jump any and all dates you may make for me. 
 
 Yours as previously, 
 
 The Philandery, Sept. X2. FRA M'GINNIS 
 
The International Preachment Chiffonier 
 
 (Major JLa^oon^ Manager) 
 Offers for the Season 1901.1902 
 
 FRA McGINNIS 
 
 King, Queen (Si Jack of Gr^tfters 
 
 In HU JTamou^f Freachmeni 
 
 The Boy Grafters ©Lnd Their Work 
 
 [NOTE: The Fra has canceled with the Long Hair Lyceum 
 Bureau^ and will appear only under our management. 1 
 
 TESTIMONIALS 
 
 Teleg^ram to Major Lagoon, New York: 
 
 Where is Fra McGinnis? House packed. Wo- 
 men in tears. Wire answer. 
 
 WesIvKyan University. 
 Mt. Pleasant, la., Nov. 20. 
 
 Telegram to Major I^agoon, New York: 
 
 Fra McGinnis was to have preached here to- 
 night. Big house. Men fuming. Where is the cuss? 
 Chicago, Nov.. 21. Union League Ci.ub. 
 
 Telegram to Major Lagoon, New York: 
 
 Audience waiting for preachment. Where is 
 Fra McGinnis? Women clamorous for him. Advise 
 at once. Y. M. C. A. 
 
 La Crosse, Wis., Nov. 23. 
 
 ^'Successful Everywhere" 
 
 4 
 
THE BILIOUSTINE 
 
 STAR-GAZING 
 Twinkle^ twinkle, little star! 
 How I wonder what you are^ 
 And how happy you would be 
 Could you only know of me! 
 
 Side Wipes by the Tcuior at his riocK. 
 
 '-..'^i^'.'^: 
 
 
 
 )UR miles up the pike from 
 the Philandery is the ham- 
 let of Codfish Corners. V 
 There is a blacksmith shop, 
 a store and a pump. ' The 
 other day I touched up the 
 pump for a small libation 
 and then took the right- 
 hand road, went up the hill, passed the school- 
 house, took the first turn to the left, crossed a 
 bridge, and came to a farm that consisted 
 mainly of weeds. Weeds were everywhere. 
 VA man lay in the shade by the roadside, 
 pulling on a briar pipe. I accosted him as is 
 my wont. Y ▼ 
 
 V **Work,'' said I, *'is for the worker.'' ▼ 
 
 V *'You can't work me, Fra," said the man, 
 ''I'm onto you." ▼ Y 
 
 Y ''Explain yourself," said I. y 
 
 Y "With pleasure," said he, and he ran a 
 straw through the stem of his pipe. '^ "In the 
 
THE first place,** he went on, *'I do not feel called 
 BILIOUS- ^po^ to admire a book because Farmer Jim- 
 TINE ^^^'^ daughter, who doesn't belong to the 
 Binders' Union, hand-stitched it with her nut- 
 brown hands, or because Saint Clarence, whose 
 halo doesn't fit him, hand- tooled the tail-piece 
 and initial letter. Then, again, I am always 
 leery of men that wear long hair in a short- 
 hair age: I always think of a circus; I seem to 
 hear a voice crying in the wilderness: * Remain 
 seated, ladies and gentlemen! After the regu- 
 lar performance, there will be a grand sacred 
 concert.' Besides your remark, that 'Work 
 is for the worker,* strikes me as a common- 
 place." V ▼ 
 V For the proprietor of so weedy a farm, the 
 fellow talked very well. Y 
 yf I returned an ironical bow. *'You have a 
 great deal of culture, I perceive," said I, "but 
 it runs mostly to weeds. I shall not quarrel 
 with you on that score, however; nor shall I 
 discover toward your impertinent allusion to 
 my hair, aught save quiet scorn; but I must 
 protest against your statement that my epi- 
 gram, *Work is for the worker,' is a common- 
 place. So far is that from being true that the 
 idea it voices is revolutionary. Barring the 
 Philandery Push, everybody regards work as 
 a somewhat that cannot be avoided, rather 
 
than a somewhat to be welcomed. The popu- THE 
 
 lar conception of Heaven is a place where BILIOUS- 
 
 there is nothing doing/' Y ▼TINE 
 
 ▼ * 'That's my conception/' said the man, 
 rising and yawning. Y 
 
 Y *%et us compromise," said I. *Xoaf onthe 
 other shore, if you will, but work on this. 
 Here, look at these weeds!" Y 
 
 Y * 'I don't want to," said the man, **they're 
 depressing." Y Y 
 
 ▼ *'Come, I'll tell you what I'll do," I offered. 
 **I'll help you to clean up your farm and ad- 
 vertise myself at the same time. Y Pull up 
 these weeds and cart them to the Philandery. 
 I'll give you twenty-five cents a ton for them, 
 dried." Y ▼ 
 
 Y **Much obliged," said the man, dryly, get- 
 ting upon a bicycle that I had not noticed; 
 **but you see, you cheerful lunatic, the farm 
 doesn't belong to me; and, besides, I can make 
 more money tending bar." y Saying which 
 he piked lightly away. y 
 
 Y Full of thought, I recrossed the bridge, 
 took the first turn to the right, passed the 
 school-house, went down the hill, touched up 
 the pump for another libation, and proceeded 
 to the Philandery. ^ ▼ 
 
 TRY A BXLIOUaTINE. :; ;: *' ONE GIVES BELIEF:* 
 
THE 
 BILIOUS- 
 TINE 
 
 OT long ago, while I was doing my 
 celebrated preachment — I have but 
 one — in a certain town, I was sud- 
 denly interrupted at the last comma 
 of the eighty-second sentence. I am 
 certain of the place, because I have done this 
 preachment so many, many times, never vary- 
 ing it by so much as a hair, that its commas, 
 semi-colons, dashes, and other points of inter- 
 est are become as familiar to me as my under- 
 wear. Y ▼ 
 
 V To illustrate: Upon another occasion, in 
 Colorado, the audience ran out to extinguish 
 a blazing haystack, and those of them that 
 came back did not return for three-quarters of 
 an hour. When about to resume the thread 
 of my preachment, I inquired of the chairman 
 as to where I had left off. v * 'Your last word, 
 I believe,'' said he, *'was Hhe.' "^''Ah, yes," 
 said I; **the beginning of the forty-ninth sen- 
 tence.'^ And I proceeded. v ▼ 
 
 ▼ The interruption that I started out to tell 
 about was a woman's eyes. ▼ 
 
 V They were looking into mine. Y 
 
 V It was but an instant — ere one could say, 
 * *It lightens. ' ' But when soul embraces soul, 
 and whispers tete-a-tete, a second is eternity, 
 y I rather fancy the turn of that sentence, 
 especially the image of soul embracing soul. 
 
Y It was a new one on me — the woman's face THE 
 
 — and a rather old one on her. She was thirty- BILIOUS- 
 seven — perhaps a month worse than that; but 'rypjg 
 her eyes were moist with intelligence. They 
 were not goo-goo. They said, as plainly as 
 eyes could say it: **Fra, old chap, I*m onto 
 your curves.** ^ Y 
 
 Y She was not without curves herself, and I 
 longed to know her first name, that I might 
 call her by it. But something told me that I 
 should never see her again. And so we spoke 
 each other by our lamps alone, like cabs that 
 pass in the night. Yet she will never be the 
 same woman again. She will grow older; the 
 parting of her hair will gradually spread; some 
 day she may wear a wig. y 
 
 y The incident affected me into a sweet mel- 
 ancholy. **I wonder,** I meditated, after the 
 preachment was done and the audience had 
 departed, **I wonder what her first name is.'* 
 
 Y A hand touched my shoulder. It was the 
 janitor. **I'm thinking of putting out the 
 lights,** he said. ▼ ▼ 
 
 GET THE BILIOUSTINE, Almost EVERYBODY READS IT 
 
 FRA McGINNIS' LOVE VIBRATIONS STOP FAIN 
 9 
 
THE 
 BILIOUS- 
 TINE 
 
 m 
 
 HAT a world this 
 How large it is! 
 small! Y 
 Y Ofttimes, when 
 
 is, sweetheart! 
 And yet how 
 
 ▼ 
 the day's Phil- 
 
 andering is done, and the farmers 
 have gone to their homes, I admire to sit on 
 the Philandery fence and watch Orion with his 
 pack come riding up the sky. y 
 
 Y Isn't it fine, sweetheart, to sit on the fence 
 and have thoughts like these. Y 
 
 Y I reckon. ^ T 
 
 Y Yonder, ever yonder, is the universe; star 
 after star; world without end. y 
 
 Y Yet here I am, sweetheart! y 
 y And there you are! Y 
 
 WOOL-GATHERING 
 1 sometimes— so immersed am 1 
 
 In problems of the race — 
 Forget to take my glasses off 
 
 Before I wash my face. 
 
 ANY NUMBER OF THE BILIOUSTINE 
 WILL BE REPRINTED— ON SUSPICION 
 
 10 
 

 L,iiile Lt-der Tills 
 
 ON'T keep a good story to yourself 
 because it is fifty years old. Some 
 people may not have heard it. 
 ^ If we do not love our work, our 
 work will not love us. Let us al- 
 ways love our work. ▼ 
 
 Y The Fra is ever pleased to send some of his 
 hair to the female elect on suspicion. 
 
 y The work of the Olympian gods was all 
 handwork. The bolt Jove hurled at Phaeton 
 was hand- fashioned in the Philandery of Vul- 
 can. Y yf 
 y Work and love! Love and work! How 
 can you beat it? yf 
 
 Y Never do anything until you are sure that 
 your Mental Attitude is on straight. v 
 
 Y Consider the average baker. Every loaf of 
 bread he bakes is like the next. There is no 
 originality, no expression. What a life! Heav- 
 ens! what a life! 
 
 THE 
 
 BDLIOUS- 
 
 TESTE 
 
 PEOPLE WHO CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE BILIOUS- 
 TINE WOULD BETTER NOT TRY, 
 
 11 
 
THE LITTLE JOURNEYS TO THE 
 BILIOUS- HOMES OF FAMOUS CON-POSERS 
 
 TDSTE 
 
 "^he 'Philandery 'RcVUited 
 
 [As written by Poeta Knickerbocker (nee Pants), the initial being 
 designed, in a dream, by Saint Mayme, and the whole licked in- 
 to proper shape by the Boy Grafters at their Philandery, which 
 is in Ea^t Aurora, Illinois, in the month of September^ in the 
 year MCMI., A. D.'\ 
 
 HEN Tasked for Fra McGinnis at the 
 Philandery (Sindbad the Buzz-Saw 
 I calls it the *Tanhandlery.'' He is a 
 I queer person — as queer as the Fra, 
 only in a different way), I was told 
 that the Fra was in his study. The study, I 
 learned, was the Philandery back yard, and I 
 found the Fra sitting on the fence. He paid no 
 attention to me. After awhile the silence be- 
 came embarrassing. 
 
 Y *'I wonder why he sits on the fence?*' I 
 thought. ▼ 
 
 Y "To be eccentric,*' said the Fra. 
 
 Y I started. *'You must be a mind- reader!'* I 
 exclaimed. "^ 
 
 Y * 'Everybody wonders that,'* said he, run- 
 ning his fingers through his mop of hair. 
 
 Y *'How do you do?'* I inquired, timidly. 
 
 Y * *Fairly well, ' ' he replied. * *My receipts fell 
 off during July and August, but, then, nobody 
 
 12 
 
buys books or goes to lectures in summer.** THE 
 
 Y "I meant, are you well?" I said. y BILIOUS- 
 y *'01i, I'm always well,' * he said. *'I'm at the TINE 
 soup before the dinner bell is done ringing. 
 
 It's all Mental Attitude. Now I*m never off 
 my feed, because my Mental Attitude *' 
 
 Y At this point the Fra fell off the fence, and 
 I ran to help him up. "I hope you didn't hurt 
 yourself,' ' I said. He had landed on his head. 
 
 Y "I observe by the V," he replied, "that you 
 wear one of those new fangled corsets." y 
 y Before I could recover from my confusion 
 he had taken my hand. ▼ ▼ ▼ 
 y *' Wouldn't you better sit on the fence again," 
 I said, nervously. y 
 
 y **No," he said; **I have been holding down 
 that fence since grub- time. I'd like to hold 
 your hand for a change." y 
 y "But I'm married now," I said, getting more 
 and more confused. y y 
 
 y *'That doesn't matter," he said. "Ten 
 chances to none he is not your affinity." y 
 y ''But I think he is." y 
 y ''That's it: you think he is; you don't know. 
 If he were your affinity, you would know. Sit 
 down on this box, Poeta. I am going to talk 
 to you about Love." y y 
 
 y "Please don't," I begged, and tried to re- 
 lease my hand. 
 
 13 
 
THE V *Xove, Poeta/' said the Fra, **means 
 BILIOUS- many things for many people. Here are a 
 TINE ^^^ ^^ ^^^ reasons: y 
 
 V *Xove for conjugation. 
 
 '%ove for tumultuation. Y 
 
 **Love for subjugation. y 
 
 *Xove for beatification. ^ 
 
 *Xove for hallucination. 
 
 *%ove for domination. 
 
 * *Love for publi ' * y 
 
 ▼ **You are squeezing my hand/' I cried. 
 **Don't interrupt me,'' said the Fra. *'I have 
 forty more reasons." y 
 
 ▼ "If you please, I'd rather talk about some- 
 thing else," I said. 
 
 ▼ **Very well; let us talk about Work,'^ he 
 said. ' * Work is the next best thing to Love.' ' 
 
 **I'm afraid I don't think that way," I said 
 with a sigh. ▼ 
 
 ▼ * 'Because, perhaps, you have not found your 
 Work, or your Work has not found you." 
 
 ▼ **But I don't have to work now; I'm mar- 
 ried, ' ' I reminded him. y 
 
 **I do not mean drudgery — machine work," 
 he said. *'I mean Hand Work. Do things by 
 hand — open a hand laundry; run a hand-car. 
 You might at least do a handspring. Come, 
 let me see you do a handspring." 
 
 ▼ **I'd rather not," I said nervously. ▼ 
 
 14 
 
▼ '*Oh, very well/' he said wearily, and re- THE 
 sumed his seat on the fence. Y BILIOUS- 
 
 Y **I think I would better be going now/' I flNE 
 said. **Thank you so much for your talk. 
 
 I've enjoyed my visit so much." 
 
 Y ** Would you like some of my hair?*' asked 
 the Fra. ▼ 
 
 Y * 'Thank you — you gave me a lock when I 
 was here before." ▼ 
 
 Y *'Take some more,'* he said, chopping off a 
 handful and throwing it down to me. **I have 
 more hair than I can comb. Farewell ! " Y 
 
 ▼ With which he stared fixedly skyward, 
 and, thanking him again, I tripped lightly 
 away. y PoiieTA Knicke;rbock^r 
 
 {And so endeth the Little Journey^ as written by Poeta Knicker- 
 bocker {nee Pants), the tailpiece being designed by that skilled 
 and worthy Boy Or after ^ Saint Buncombe ; the text done into ten 
 point Old Styleby Oold Cure Oeorge, Reformed Boy Orafter; and 
 the rest of the job being duly and properly attended to by divers 
 and sundry other Boy Grafters— at the PhilaTvdery, which, as 
 previously noted, is in East Aurora,, Illinois, U. S. A., in the 
 month of September, in the year MCMI., A. D.^ 
 
 THE BILIOUSTINE IS FOB KNOCKERS. EVERY BOOST 
 18 A KNOCK. 
 
 15 
 
YHE WEARINESS 
 
 ^ jj T/^T TQ I am so weary in the mom— 
 oll^lvJUd-* Too weary clothes to don. 
 
 I^TTVT'C ^ wish the citstom were to pull 
 i IIN H Them off^ instead of on, 
 
 Mr. 7>ubbe'^ JLtttte Journey 
 
 [As done into '"''copy*'' by Mr. Criticun Flub-Dubbe, the initial 
 letter being hand-tooled by Saint Sinceridad, and the whole done 
 into a lovely thing by the Boy Grafters^ at their Philandery^etc.'i 
 
 **Pt| F you'll come down oiBf that fence, Mr. 
 ^1 ■ McGinnis, Til talk to you/* said 1.'* 
 ^1 I And not without impatience; for I had 
 \ In been idling in the Philandery back yard 
 ^ Baa! five minutes or more, waiting for the 
 Fra to recognize me. My impatient utterance 
 evoked a response. Y 
 
 Y **Why, hello, Dubbe?" said he, in simulat- 
 ed surprise. *'How did you blow in? I told 
 them to keep the Philandery door closed." 
 
 Y * 'You are impertinent, *' I answered warmly. 
 '^ "So are you,'' he rejoined. **My name is 
 *Fra' McGinnis — not *Mister' McGinnis." 
 
 Y ** Mister is good enough for me," I said 
 stiffly. * *One of the things I came here to talk 
 with you about is this *Fra' nonsense." ▼ 
 
 Y * * You selected an unfortunate time to butt 
 in," said he. *'I was in the throes of compo- 
 sition; one of the best things I've done. Listen: 
 
 16 
 
** I wish the law of gravity . THE 
 
 Would work the other way ; "^ 
 
 F(yr then when I fell off the fence " BILIOUS- 
 
 ^ * 'Well?' ' said I, interested in spite of myself. TINE 
 ^ ^'That's where you interrupted me/' 
 
 Y **I'm extremely sorry." y 
 
 Y **Tliat won't finish the quatrain. What 
 do you think of it as far as it goes.' 
 
 Y *'It lacks convincingosity/' said I. **For, 
 you see, if the law of gravity worked the 
 other way, you wouldn't fall off the fence." 
 
 Y * 'Certainly I should," he replied, *'only 
 instead of falling down, I should fall up." 
 
 Y ''Can one fall up?" ▼ 
 
 Y "J^st as easily as two. People fall upstairs." 
 
 Y ^'That's a quibble." ▼ 
 
 y "So is a hen." V 
 
 Y *'I'm afraid we're wandering from the sub- 
 ject," said I. 
 
 ▼ "Well, let's get back to it. What rhymes 
 with 'way'?" ▼ 
 
 Y * * Hay — play — recherche . ' ' 
 
 Y **They won't do," said he, after a little re- 
 flection. * 'Hold on! — I have it! — 
 
 "I wish the law of gravity 
 Wovld work the other way ; 
 For then when I fell off the fence^ 
 Vdpush the clouds away.** 
 
 ▼ "That won't do, either," I objected. "You 
 make the syllable 'way' do double service." 
 
 17 
 
THE ▼ ''That^s true/^ said he. "How do you like: 
 
 ijiL>l\J U O- ''/n cloudland I would stray ?*'' 
 
 TINE ^ "Weak," I replied. "The other is better.'' 
 
 Y ''Nevermind/' said he; ''I'll think of it 
 by and ' ' ^ 
 
 Y He finished the sentence by falling off the 
 fence on his head. I assisted him to rise. 
 
 Y "Third time to-day," he remarked, rubbing 
 his head. 
 
 Y "Why the devil do you perch on such a 
 high fence?" said I. Y 
 
 Y "For the same reason that Teufelsdrockh 
 lived in an attic in Weissnichtwo — to be alone 
 with the Stars." 
 
 Y * 'Then," said I, "I would suggest some 
 such contrivance as window washers wear; 
 else some fine day, you'll crack your crown." 
 ▼ "That's it!" cried the Fra. "That's the 
 very idea I have been groping for! Listen now: 
 
 ^^ I wish the law of gravity 
 
 Worked up instead of down: 
 
 For then when I fell off the fence^ 
 
 I shouldn't crack my crown" 
 
 Y *'Now that that's off your mind," said I, 
 "answer me a plain question: What is the 
 explanation of the insufferable rot with which 
 you afflict the public, under the name 'Th^' 
 Biuoustine;'?" ▼ 
 
 IB 
 
y *'What/' lie returned, **was the explana- THE 
 tion of Barnum's circus?' * BILIOUS- 
 
 y "Barnum said the people liked to be hum- Yipjj; 
 bugged," said I. 
 
 Y *'It looks like rain," said the Fra, gazing 
 skyward. Criticus Fi,ub-Dubbk 
 
 [So here endeth the Little Journey^ as 'written by hand by Mr, 
 Criticus Flub-Dubbe ; the tail-piece being hand-painted by Saint 
 Sally of the Philandery Alley, the paper cut by hand by Sindbad 
 the Buzz-Saw; the ink mixed by Saint Johnny the Devil; the 
 proof pulled by Saint Jimmy the Dope Fiends and read by Lar- 
 ry the Lynx-Eyed ; the page closed by Daniel the Foreman^ and 
 stereotyped by Simon the Shirtless ; and the press fed by Saint 
 Phillip the Prof ane ;— all of which., Fra McGinnis here certifies^ 
 was done at the Philandery ^ in the month of September^ and the 
 year MCML, A. D.] 
 
 GRAPE DREAMS 
 
 I wish that I could always tell 
 Which horse would finish first : 
 
 For Pd be able then to quench 
 A most expensive thirst, 
 
 19 
 
THE 
 
 BILIOUS- 
 
 TINE 
 
 ^riicle^ of Faiih 
 
 believe; in Era McGinnis. I be- 
 lieve he is hot stuff. y 
 ▼ I believe in the Body Beautiful, 
 and the Saturday night bath. y^ 
 ^ I believe that the love of man for 
 woman is a good thing, and fully equal to the 
 love of woman for man. ^ 
 y I believe in Watt* ell paper and Japan vel- 
 lum, in long hair and hand-painted initials. 
 I believe they are good for the race. 
 ▼ I believe that Walt Whitman was a good 
 hobo, and that Henry Thoreau knew beans. 
 
 V I believe that the best way to prepare for a 
 Future Life is to get born, and to finish Mon- 
 day before beginning Tuesday. y 
 
 V I believe that Knock is as necessary to the 
 universe as Boost. y 
 
 ^ I believe that I am here today and may be 
 gone tomorrow. Such things have happened. 
 
 V I believe that I may believe something en- 
 tirely different next week, if I happen to take 
 a notion. y 
 
 [Sign here] 
 
 [Witness] 
 
 20 
 
To Lovers and Book Lovers: 
 
 HE LUXURY EDITION of the 
 I B11.10USTINB No. I is the Swell- 
 est Thing that the Boy Grafters 
 have as yet turned out of the 
 Philandery; and that leaves noth- 
 ing to be said, still less to be desired. ^ It is 
 the Jumping-Off Place in Book-Doing, the Ne 
 Plus Ultra of the E Pluribus Unum. This 
 remarkable book has about it the delicate per- 
 fume of the Ideal, the elusive flavor of the 
 Missal. Saints and Saintesses have reverently 
 handled it, page by page and part by part. Y 
 
 By saintly hands the press was fed; 
 By home-made rolls the ink was spread. 
 
 The press, even, was trod by hand. And 
 always with the Ideal in sight, or just around 
 the Philandery fence. ^ ▼ 
 
 Carefully impressed upon hand-laundered ^ Watt* ell paper; 
 hound in Burlap specially imported from Burlapia; and 
 stenciled by the cunning hand ofSaintess Genevieve, If s a peach 
 
 ••Generously Good'* 
 
 21 
 
AFFINITIES \r ANTED— MALE. 
 
 affinity; mnst be born in the Water domain. 
 Am 24 years old, bom under the beginning of the 
 sign Scorpio, with the moon in the ascendant, 
 Oct. 80, 10 p. m., Eastern time. Pretty and ac- 
 complished; no love affairs. Addreu Ariadne, 
 care the Philandery. 
 
 AFFINITY WANTED BY LADY UNHAPPILY 
 married, who has applied for a divorce; one 
 born in Aqnarins preferred. Am 45 years old,bnt 
 well preserved, thanks to the influence of Venus 
 in conjunction with Mars and the ascendancy of 
 the moon in the fifteenth aspect. Born Feb. 14, 
 midnight, Rocky Mountain time; blue eyes ana 
 golden hair. Fond of Maeterlinck. Address 
 Mismated, care the Philandery. 
 
 AFFINITY WANTED; MUST BE BORN IN 
 the sign Taurus and soul key of F sharp, on or 
 about April 30. Am 18 years old and very beauti- 
 ful, and capable of in tensest love. Do not care 
 for books and music; fond of good eating, thea- 
 tres and other pleasures. Address, Alice, care the 
 Philandery. 
 
 FIRE DOMAIN AFFINITY WANTED BY 
 handsome young widow, who never had one. Am 
 32 years old, born in the sign Sagittarius, Dec. 10, 
 3:30 a. m., central time, with Venus in conjunc- 
 tion with Jupiter and Saturn in his second house. 
 Dark complexion, eyes and hair; vivacious and 
 lovinff. Favorite poet, Ella Wheeler Wilcox; 
 favorite composer, Sousa. Address Ardenta, care 
 the Philandery. 
 
 THE BOY GRAFTERS ARE ALWAYS PRE- 
 PARED TO DO YOU ON SUSPICION. 
 
AFFINITIES \r ANTED — FEMAIiE. 
 
 seeks affinity born in Earth domain. Am short 
 and inclined to stoutness, dark eyes and hair; of 
 a lively disposition, and fond of a good time. 
 Wonld prefer an affinity born in sign Virgo; if 
 not Virgo, Capricorn may do. Address Cosmic, 
 the Philandery. 
 
 WEALTHY WIDOWER, 45, WOULD LIKE 
 to meet affinity; object^ mental embrace. Born 
 in sign Libra; eas^^-gomg disposition; fond of 
 masic, books^ painting, and other mental things; 
 strong cosmic insight. Address Scholar, the 
 Philandery. 
 
 ONE OR MORE AFFINITIES WANTED BY 
 bachelor of 40; clnbman^ wealthy and amiable. 
 Any old zodiacal sign will do; bat affinity must 
 be handsome and good form. State age and pre- 
 vious entanglements, if any. All correspondence 
 strictly confidential. Address Hotbyrd Coldbot- 
 tle, the Philandery . 
 
 HOROSCOPES CAST WHILE YOU WAIT. 
 Affinities located and umbrellas recovered. Point- 
 ers on bad days and good. Tells when to go on 
 a journey. Tips on training children. Know 
 thyself Address Zeno, Astrologer, care the Phi- 
 landery. 
 
 23 
 
VEFLY SPECIAL! 
 
 It 
 
 pOLI^OWING the example of their beloved 
 pastor, Fra McGinnis, the entire Philandery 
 flock will take to the lecture platform this 
 winter, and spread throughout the land, the gospel 
 of L/Ove and Work. The following choice preach- 
 ments are now ready: 
 
 ••Love for Love's Sake; A New Proposition," 
 
 by Saintess Mayme. This young lady was former- 
 ly typewritist to Fra McGinnis, and is thoroughly 
 in touch with his ideas. Terms: Fifty dollars a 
 night and expenses. 
 
 ••Work for Work's Sake; The New Religion/' 
 by Saint Sinceridad. Weak men made strong. 
 Strong men made stronger. Why punch a bag? 
 Terms: Fifty dollars a night and expenses. 
 ••Cosmic Love; A Key to the Universe," by 
 Saintess Sally (of the Philandery Alley). A little 
 dissertation on the re-enfranchisement of woman. 
 Very hopeful and uplifting. Terms: Forty dollars 
 a night and expenses. 
 
 ••How I Wcls SaLved,*' by Gold Cure George, Re- 
 formed Boy Grafter. In which this now strong and 
 worthy young man tells the story of how, by the 
 merest chance, he visited the Philandery, was given 
 hand-work, and exchanged a life of sin for one of 
 virtue. Terms: Forty dollars a night and expenses. 
 
 Fifty-Seven Varieties! 
 
 ^^ddress all communications to Sindbad 
 the 'Buzs^Satv^ ^ ^ ^he Thilandery 
 
 U 
 
■w 
 
 THE 
 VOL 
 
 SECOND 
 U M E O.F 
 
 N Q O N 
 
 begins with the November, 1901, number, in which 
 is presented, in attractive form, Montaigne's essay 
 
 OF FRIENDSHIP 
 
 Choice selections, prose and verse, will follow dur- 
 ing the year, and n^^k^ a>. unique' atid valuable 
 volume. The subscription price will reniain one 
 dollar for the year, twelve numbel^. AU. hew §ub" . 
 scribers may ^ve, free for^ the asking, such num- 
 bers of Volume I. (see ad. on anotbsi page) as 
 remain on hand. A few copies iof Volume I. , 
 bound neatly, V are of^ed .at $i'^0 eack 
 
 ADDRIS^ WILLIAM S« LORD, PUStlSHEiS 
 
 E V # N S T O N, I L L I N O I S ') 
 
 % 
 
 t 
 
 I 
 
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