mm ..Z^ Z/S. University of California, < ; 1 i^'i- < ) <._/>^t4S^ , fC^xi. C l^C^^OL^^. \£^^^Cy ../^W. <7t their columns ; we inscribe no CHRISTIAN LIFE. 3 epitaphs upon their walls. But we must not, we would not, be ungrateful. We, too, would cherisli in the church the remembrance of those whose influence has refreshed, whose characters have adorned it. We regard it as a high and holy debt to " bind a garland around the brows " of a Christian whose chaste life has illustrated the purity of our religion, and whose devoted labors have enriched and blessed humanity. The testimony of a faithful life, and the witness of a triumphant death, belong to the church universal. They are of no private ownership, but are the property of tlie truth, the inheritance of the great family of God, not to be selfishly hidden therefrom, if their commemoration can inspire with courage a fainting spirit, or animate one feeble heart to strive more patiently for the victory and the crown of faith. Such considerations have led me to prepare a simple and truthful memorial of one of tlie most consistent and complete Christians whom it has been my privilege to know. 4 PORTRAIT OF A Most of those who are called Christians, and who are not undeserving of the name, are called so in a qualified sense. You do not doubt that they sincerely believe in Christ, and love him ; that they wish and try to keep his precepts ; and that their characters are improv- ing under his influence. They have many virtues, perhaps some shining virtues. They keep themselves aloof from the follies and sins of the world. They give their testimony on the side of religion, and illustrate its divine doctrines by many deeds of righteousness and charity. But you discover, with regret, some inconsis- tency in their conversation ; something which mars the harmony of their character. They impress you as only partially Christian. You do not, at all times and under all circumstances, recognize in them the image of the Master. You do not always feel in their presence a positive and powerful Christian influence. She whose modest and saintly image is before me while I write was one of those rare CHRISTIAN LIFE. 6 characters to whom such remarks do not apply.* She was a Christian indeed, in whom was no guile. Every one who saw .her recog- nized in her the marks of a true disciple of Jesus. Those who met her most frequently, and knew her most intimately, were pro- foundly impressed with the genuineness and thoroughness of her consecration to God. I do not say that hers was a perfect life ; but it was a life so penetrated and imbued with the spirit of the Saviour, so faithfully directed and studiously modelled after his pre- cepts and example, so entirely subjected in all its elements and movements to his divine con- trol, that I feel authorized to call it consistently/ and thoroughly Christian. I have seen it so long, I have watched it so carefully, I have known it so thoroughly, that I can speak with certainty. For twenty years I have noticed its steady and constant development ; have ob- served it under different circumstances and in * Maria E. Clapp, born at New London, Conn., Dec. 31, 1820. 6 PORTRAIT OF A different attitudes ; seen it in the liglit, and seen it in the shade ; seen it in the church and in the home, in the sabbath school and the day school, in hours of religious conversation and hours of social enjoyment ; — and for months seen it, day after day, in the chamber of sickness and in the prospect of death, dur- ing the closest confidential intercourse, in which no secret recess of the heart was not opened in confession, or unveiled in commu- nion. How could I have failed to estimate it justly ? How could I have been deceived as to its real character? It was indeed a con- sistent and complete Christian life. Such lives are the most effective preachers. The plainest record of them is the best of ser- mons. They furnish the most convincing evidences of the truth of Christianity. They prove that faith in Jesus has not lost its life- giving virtue. They prove that Christ himself is a living and present power. They verify his best promises to the hearts that love him. They show that he does still come unto them, CHRISTIAN LIFE. 7 and make his abode with them. They make it manifest, that, even to-day, he sends the Comforter down into the breast of lowly dis- ciples, to bring his words to remembrance, and to lead them into all truth. They prove how much can be accomplished within one's self and without, in building up a heavenly cha- racter and in elevating and blessing others, even with ordinary capacities and in a humble sphere, by simple fidelity. They stir the con- science by showing us what we ourselves ought to be and might be, if we were true to our knowledge and our belief. And when we con- template their purity, their beauty, and their beneficent fruitfulness ; when we consider the depth of their peace and the richness of their joy ; when we observe the meek triumph with which their earthly course is finished, and think of the bright crown that awaits them in the celestial city towards which they have been journeying, when they shall have been gathered amongst the "jewels of God," — our colder hearts kindle with a pure emulation, 8 PORTRAIT OP A and a new impulse quickens our tardy souls to press forward towards the same glorious inheritance. In sketching the course and lineaments of my friend, — especially of her inner life, — I shall use, as far as possible, her own words. A large number of her private papers and let- ters have been placed in my hands, with the privilege of selecting whatever may appear to me suitable for the illustration of her charac- ter, and at the same time conducive to the religious improvement of the young. For nearly twenty years, it had been her practice to record in a private journal — which was never read by any of her family till after her decease — all the most interesting particu- lars connected with her religious experience. It is unnecessary to say that I have consulted and used this diary with feelings of delicacy and sacredness. Though it was intended for no eye but her own to read, — being written, as is stated on its first page, " as a help to self- examination, and to record only the sincere CHRISTIAN LIFE. 9 feelings of my (her) heart ^^^ — it contains not a sentence which, if exposed to the scrutiny of the world, would cast a shade upon the charac- ter of a saint ; but many, very many, which would excite both wonder and admiration at the purity of her secret motives, the depth of her humility, the intensity of her longings after a spotless righteousness, and the ardor and constancy of her love to the Saviour. By the aid of this diary, in addition to all the other means I have enjoyed of becoming acquainted with her character, I am able to trace quite distinctly the progress of her Christian life, and to understand thoroughly the principles by which it was governed. She never imagined that any thing she said or did would be the subject of commemoration after her decease. It was her hope only that her humble name might be found written in the Lamb's Book of Life, and that the influence of her instructions and her character might continue to work, silently and secretly, in the hearts of her pupils and her companions, 10 PORTRAIT OF A when she had passed away. Nevertheless, I am sure that she would not forbid such a use of her writings or of her example as might serve the cause of her beloved Master, or con- tribute to the spiritual benefit of the least of his disciples. She was modest and humble, but had no false delicacy. As she would have recoiled from the display of her piety for her own praise, so she would have scorned to hide it when its discovery might be for the honor of the truth. CHRISTIAN LIFE. 11 CHAPTER II. Childhood and Youth. Her Preparation for the Lord's Supper. Great Love for that Rite. Views OF ITS Value, and First Participation of it. Her Frequent Self-Consecration. A GROUP of children are gathered at twilight around their mother's chair. She has chosen that tranquil hour to sow in their tender hearts the seed of divine truth. She speaks to them of their heavenly Father in tones of rever- ence and gratitude. She tells them of the blessed Saviour, who came down from heaven to bring messages of love, and to suffer and be crucified for sinners. She dwells upon this affecting theme. She describes Jesus in the midst of little children, taking them up in his arms and blessing them. She repeats his kind invitation, " Suffer them to come unto me." She teaches them his beatitudes, — " Blessed 12 PORTRAIT OF A are the pure in heart ; blessed are the peace- makers ; blessed are the meek." She recites his sacred precepts, — " Love your enemies ; whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye unto them likewise." She hears them say the simple hymns they have already learned, and teaches them more. At length she bends over them as they kneel, and silently blesses and intercedes for them, while in suc- cession, or with blended voices, they repeat their evening prayer. What language can describe the sacred power of such domestic scenes as this, which are of common occurrence in the Christian homes of New England ? How can they fail to make a lasting impression upon every heart in the little circles they embrace, — to leave upon every character an influence which never can be wholly dissipated ? Not, indeed, upon all an equal influence ; for, even at the begin- ning of life, the quality of the moral soil differs in different hearts. The mother sows the same good seed, with the same pious care, in the CHRISTIAN LIFE. 13 minds of all her children. She plants it in each with prayer, nurtures it with equal love, and waters it with impartial tears. But she finds among them — whatever the explanation may be — an unequal measure of receptivity of spiritual truth. All may be benefited, but not to the same extent. The seed may sooner or later germinate, but in some fields more slowly. No heart may be wilfully closed against the heavenly doctrine ; but one is more docile and open to it than the rest. It seems all prepared for the reception of a spiritual faith. It embraces it eagerly. It drinks in the holy influence. The incorruptible seed sinks at once into a congenial soil. Every word from the Bible or the hymn-book drops from the mother's lips into its depths. One countenance, she is sure, will always be look- ing up to her with the most reverential atten- tion when she names the name of God. One mild, deep eye will always expand and moisten when she tells of the love and sorrows of the Redeemer. One brow will be shaded with 14 PORTRAIT OF A sadness at the story of human sufferings and wrongs ; one face, radiant as an angel's, when she describes the joys and glories of the home in heaven. She of whom I am writing was such a child as this. Such is the likeness of Maria in her early days, which hangs in her mother's memory. I have not drawn upon fancy in connect- ing the beginning of her religious life with a little picture of domestic worship at the hour of twilight. To such a scene and such an hour, in one of my last conversations with her, she herself traced back her Christian experi- ence, fixing there the date of her earliest religious impression. " My love for God and my love for my mother," she said, " are of an equal date ; at least, so far as I can remember. My most distant recollection associates her with Him. As far back as I can look, I see her sitting in her chair by the window, at the close of a summer day, with a countenance full of devotion, repeating to us beautiful hymns, and teaching us of our heavenly Father." CHRISTIAN LIFE. 15 What a beautiful gate through which to en- ter into the path of peace ! Perhaps it is that through which, more frequently than any other, the heavenly road is entered. How blessed are they, who, having been ushered into it through such a gate, never afterwards wander away from it, or loiter in pursuing it ! She never wandered away from it. She was always a religious child. Yet it must not be inferred that she met with no hinderances in her upward path ; that she had nothing to con- tend against in herself ; that a good natural disposition and religious nurture were suffi- cient for her. She did not become a Christian without effort and struggle : no human being ever did. Though the conflict in some souls may be more secret, though the battle may be without noise and observation, yet all the faith- ful must fight for the crown, and none can wear it without having overcome. Little as it might have been suspected by those who only saw her in her maturity, when her nature had been softened and refined by 16 PORTRAIT OF A the spirit of Jesus, her peculiar hinderance in following Christ was that which is perhaps the hardest of all to conquer, — a stubborn will. With all her religious susceptibility, with all her tenderness and quickness of conscience, with all her warmth of affection, was combined an unusual obstinacy and pertinacity of will. To subdue this, to bring it into entire subjec- tion and submissive obedience to the will of God, constituted the great struggle of her life. In allusion to this quality of her nature, her mother remarked to her one day, towards the close of her life, " Maria, how much religion has done for you ! " — " Yes, indeed, mother," she replied; " every thing, every thing." If there were no other evidence of the en- tireness of the sway which religious faith had over her heart, and the thoroughness of the work it had done upon her nature, the com- plete and childlike yielding-up of her own will, which was one of the most marked and beautiful manifestations of the last years of CHRISTIAN LIFE. 17 her life, would have been enough. I have never seen a deeper and sweeter submission. I attributed it, in part, to natural pliability and gentleness ; and was never more impressed with the transforming power of the love of Christ than when I learned from her parents the fact concerning her original temper, to which I have referred. The faith which can do that for a heart, can, indeed, do every thing. To the principle which can accomplish such a transformation in human nature, nothing is impossible. At the age of ten years, she left her na- tive place. New London, Connecticut, for the town of Tolland, in the same State ; from whence her parents, soon after, removed to Springfield, Massachusetts. In Tolland she met with several companions of about the same age, whose young hearts sympathized with her own in lively interest in religion. With them she was accustomed to meet, from time to time, for reading the Bible, and prayer. Though of a sociable disposition, of an in- 18 PORTRAIT OF A quiring mindj and fond of nature, she loved more than all things else to converse on religious subjects, and to engage in acts of devotion. Her questions regarding the rela- tion of the soul to God, and the truths of revelation, indicated a degree of spiritual faith and knowledge beyond her years. Yet her piety was fresh and unaffected. It was evident, without being obtrusive ; earnest, but at the same time easy ; decided, yet perfectly childlike. On one of the first pages of her diary, writ- ten many years ago, are these lines, truly and happily descriptive of the intensity of her religious longings in those early days: — " There cnnnot be On earth a joy so pure and high, As when the soul to God would flee, And c6mmunes with eternity; Draws from the living springs its bliss, And turns to heaven for happiness." While residing at Springfield, from about her twelfth to her sixteenth year, it was her privilege to enjoy the pastoral instruction of CHRISTIAN LIFE. 19 the Rev. W. B. 0. Peabodj, D.D., a man of equal genius and piety, whose name we can never mention without affectionate respect, mingled with a sad and tender interest. For the sake of greater quiet, as well as to gratify his charming taste for nature, he had built, for his study, a little lodge in his garden. In this retreat, only a privileged few ventured to intrude upon him ; but, having discovered in our young friend an unfeigned and unusual interest in religious inquiries, and having become affectionately interested in the deve- lopment of a character so full of promise, he extended to her a cordial invitation to visit him there, without knocking for admission, whenever she might need his counsel, or desire to converse with him ; kindly assuring her that her quiet presence would never be an interruption. The following letter, written by Dr. Pea- body some years after Maria's removal to Boston, not only shows how highly he regarded her, but reveals the beautiful resignation with 20 PORTRAIT OF A which he bore those sad bereavements which overthrew all his earthly happiness : — " Springfield, June 14, 1844. "I was very much gratified, my dear Maria, to receive your kind letter, and to find myself remem- bered with any degree of interest and regard. I should have kept up my acquaintance with you, had I been situated, with respect to Boston, as I was in former days : but the changes of life have removed so many of my former friends, that, for years past, I have been in the city only as a pass- ing stranger ; going through it on my way to some other place, but never making any thing which could be called a visit. Should I be there for any length of time, it would give me great pleasure to call on you. I am happy to find that you retain any pleasant recollections of your stay in Spring- field. You are better situated for all kinds of improvement than when you was here; but it is very gratifying to me to be assured, that you think you derived some benefit from your intercourse with me. "I have been visited with desolating changes, which showed clearly to my own mind how essen- tial religion is to all the comfort and security of CHRISTIAN LIFE. 21 life, and at the same time how powerful it is to sustain when every thing else gives way. There could not be a more entire overthrow of all my happiness in Hfe ; but I have never, for one moment, distrusted the kindness of my heavenly Father, — I have never wished it otherwise. I have found that the strong filial feeling is the great support of the mourner. No prospect of re-union, no vision of heaven, no one of those subjects of consolation which are. commonly presented, is of any avail : while, if we have the true childlike feeling of love and confidence, we see that God is kinder to us than we are to ourselves ; and while many things which we bring upon ourselves are only evil, and that continually, every thing which He assigns us will, if we receive it aright, result in immortal blessing. I doubt not, that when, in the order of Providence, you are called to endure those afflictions from which no human life -can be entirely free, you will find that the same faith which you now cherish will be all you need to give you strength. It has been so with me. In place of every earthly hope, which withers, a heavenly one will grow. " It has given me great pleasure to see your sister, though I have not been able to see as much of her as I could wish. My loss of those on whose cheer- 22 PORTRAIT OF A ful energy and faithful affection I once depended, increases my cares and anxieties a hundred-fold, and makes large demands upon my time. I hope to have the pleasure of seeing you here at some time not distant. You will find the village greafly changed ; but you will find no change in my regard for you. " I thank you again for writing to me, my dear Maria. Will you give my best remembrances to your father and mother ? and .believe me " Affectionately yours, "William B. 0. Peabody." My own acquaintance with Miss Clapp com- menced in 1836, immediately after her family took up their abode in Boston. She was then in her sixteenth year. There was something in her appearance, which, at first sight, attracted attention, and-awakened a lively interest. Her manner was quiet and modes^, and at the same time, for so young a person, impressively car- nest. Her eye was mild and pleasant, yet serious and very deep. Her countenance had that peculiar spiritual beauty — the highest beauty — which can only be imparted by a CHRISTIAN LIFE. 23 soul of the purest aspirations and a heart of the sweetest affections. Her very look pre- sented a silent but irresistible appeal to a pastor's sympathy and confidence. I have fre- quently heard others remark, as I have always felt, that her face was like that of an angel. The teachers of the Sunday school, the mem- bers of the Society who have seen her at religious meetings, and strangers who have visited the vestry or the church, have been struck with its peaceful and heavenly expres- sion. The best thoughts uttered from the desk of the conference-room, or from the chair of the parlor, in evenings of Christian commu- nion, were always reflected by her responsive look, — sometimes even suggested by the deli- cate spiritual irradiation of her countenance. Her sabbath-school teacher from 1836 to 1841 writes concerning her impressions of Maria during that period, as follows : — " It is indeed a heartfelt satisfaction to me to add my testimony to the pure and saintly character of my former pupil. My connection with her is one of 24 ^ PORTRAIT OP A the brightest spots in my existence. I could esteem nothing so precious as to be assured, that I had been an humble instrument, through the divine favor, of aiding her in pursuing that eminent Christian course \vhich she has recently finished. If I have done her any good, it has been returned to me fourfold, inas- much as I have received from her far more than I could ever have imparted, through her consistent, harmonious, beautiful life. I cannot recall many facts relating to her while in my class ; but, from the confused remembrances of the past, her sweet, affec- tionate smile beams distinctly upon me still. I shall never forget that look : it will linger with me for ever. It always blessed me when we met after she had grown up, as it did when she was but a child. It will be cherished amongst the choicest of the treasures of memory. As a scliolar, she was faith- ful in every duty ; most punctual and exact. If but one was present, I was sure to welcome her. If at any time I felt discouraged, I was animated to go on by her loving interest in her studies and in her teacher, and even for her sake alone." At a very early period in her life, our friend had felt a strong desire to make an open con- fession of Christ, and to unite herself "with the CHRISTIAN LIFE. 25 church. In her tenth year, she had expressed such a wish to her mother ; but that judicious friend advised her to delay such a step till she should have become more thoroughly esta- blished in Christian knowledge, as well as faith and resolution ; in the mean time, encoura- ging her to remain and witness the celebration of the Lord's Supper, that she might enjoy the influences of that affecting and holy scene, and partake, in heart and spirit, if not in form, at the commemorative table. This early desire, under Christian nurture and instruction, grew warmer and deeper with her advancing life ; till, in her eighteenth year, after several conversations with her pastor, in which she manifested the deepest humility, mingled with an undoubting confi- dence in the Saviour's strength, she took upon herself, in the presence of the assembled church, the sublime vows of a disciple. The event is thus noticed in her journal : — " May 27, 1838. — I acknowledged myself to be a disciple of my Saviour, and united myself with the 26 PORTRAIT OF A Second Church in Boston, under the pastoral care of Rev. Mr. R. Oh that my whole future Hfe may prove my sincerity ! and may I never look back, but press onward, never trusting in my own strength ! Lord, in the strength of grace, With a glad heart and free, Myself, my residue of days, I consecrate to thee. Thy ransomed servant, I Restore to thee thine own; And, from this moment, live or die To serve my God alone. The sweet, the solemn hour is past! I now am Christ's ! — and not alone By parents' wish and baptism's seal, But by the solemn vows I own, By the free choice, and faith I feel. Yes, thine, dear Lord ! Be this my lot ! To thee I am for ever given : The grave and death divide us not ; My heart from thee shall ne'er be riven." How sincere she was in this self-dedication, how faithful in her purpose " never to look back, but to press onward," her whole subse- quent life has proved. For the Lord's Supper, as a means of reli- gious growth and comfort, no one could have CHRISTIAN LIFE. 27 a more lively attachment, or a more profound regard. We all saw and knew by her example, as well as by her conversation, that she greatly loved this service of commemoration. No young person who ever enjoyed her instruction can fail to remember the frequency and ear- nestness with which she commended to them this duty of grtititude, this privilege of dis- cipleship. But no one can fully understand the depth and warmth of her attachment to it, or her sense of the benefit and blessings of which it had been the instrument to herself, who has nigt* read the pages of her diary. Almost every communion-day has some record there, in words glowing with gratitude and holy love ; and every record is the memorial of a new consecration of herself to her Re- deemer. " Communion Day. • — Blessed service ! holy, priceless festival ! ... It is my greatest privilege. It has had such an influence upon my life as I am unable to describe. It has been as an angel to me, to guide, to warn, to strengthen, to bless me, ever 28 PORTRAIT OP A since I came, by God's gracious persuasion, under its hallowing and protectino^ influence." ^ May 28. — Hallowed and peaceful commemo- rative sabbath ! thou dost bid my soul pause, and look back ; thou hast called me to a fresh consecra- tion. My soul, forget not thy promise when thou didst take that ' cup of remembrance,' — when thou didst reach forth thy hand to raise it, and kiss it with thy lips ! • My Father, help me to keep those vows. May this new Christian year upon which I now enter be all given to my Saviour ! Living or dying, may I be thine ! I yield this unworthy self once more to thee. Let me never, never, wander more. O blessed Saviour ! wilt thou come and take up thy abode with me? Cleanse me from these easily besetting sins. The future of my life I give to thee. Thou wilt keep me. * Lord, I believe : help thou mine unbelief.' " " September, 1844. — Have attended church. My feelings to-day have, for the most part, seemed to me like the weather. It has been dark imd rainy ; no sun ; all gloomy and dreary. So, in the forenoon, did I feel. I could not raise myself from the dead- ness of spirit which weighed me down. I listened CHRISTIAN LIFE. 29 attentively to the words of the preacher. They gra- dually revived my soul. They said to me, ' Be not cast down, be not disquieted, even though thou hast sinned. Pour out thy heart to God ; offer the sacri- fice of a contrite spirit ; ask of him forgiveness in the name of his blessed Son ; ask, and it shall be given thee.' I did ask. ' I sought the Lord, and he heard me.' By degrees my spirit revived. ' I looked unto him, and was lightened ; and he delivered me from my fears.' I asked for strength, and he * strengthened me with strength in my soul.' I endeavored to . forget myself by remembering the Lord, and feeling his presence. " My heart was touched, as, at the close of the day, we gathered at the table of our dying Lord, when the preacher said, on presenting the cup, * Disciples of Jesus Christ, take this cup,' &c. That word dls- ciple never sounded so significant and so dear to me. Delightful, precious thought ! — a disciple of Christ, his pupil, his little scholar, under his tuition, his nurture, his faithful and gentle instruction and care. My eyes filled with grateful and affectionate tears that that name could be applied to me, mingled with tears of shame that I so poorly deserved it. I have a desire to be a Christian ; but my conscience tells me I am not, in the truest sense. I have 30 PORTRAIT OF A endeavored the last six years to be a follower of Christ, and in those years have been the happiest moments of my life ; and, if ever a shade of gloom has passed over my countenance, it has been only on account of my own shortcomings. It is this which has saddened my heart to-day. But never, never, will I absent myself from the communion-table, so long as I can find there such sympathy and encourage- ment as I have found to-day, and always, always, do receive, in that hallowed scene." " Dec. 1, Sabbath Eve. — To-day completes an- other year of my fleeting existence. My birthday ! Twenty-four years have passed. It seems but a little while. On almost every return of this anniversar}^, I have paused to reflect upon the past, and to resolve for the future. So would T now. I attended church this afternoon. It was a season of communion. I felt happy that I had the privilege of sitting at that table on this first day of my new year. May the thoughts and impressions of that hour abide with me " I would endeavor, the coming year, to live nearer to God, to realize his constant presence, and to love him with an undivided love. As year after year is added to my life, I feel more and more the impor- CHRISTIAN LIFE.. 31 tance of attending to the concerns of the immortal soul — that alone which is truly ourselves — while young. It shall be my endeavor so sincerely to imbibe the spirit of my Saviour, that I shall win my pupils, my brothers and sisters, to be his disciples, — learners of Christ. Why is it that the young are not more frequently encouraged and invited to come and sit at the table which is richly furnished for all? Could a young person partake at that 'feast of love,' and not* have his heart quickened and made to burn within him as he thought of Jesus, the friend from heaven, who died for him ? No, it can- not be." "Aug. 27, 1842. — I feel an inexpressible debt of gratitude for the rich spiritual blessings I have enjoyed this day. Oh, how lovely does the character of Jesus appear, when we meditate upon it ! I love to have that dear Saviour the theme of discourse always, but especially when about to comply with his last request, ' This do in remembrance of me.' I would not exchange for worlds the happiness I feel while at the table of my Lord, his guest; and though I feel my sinfulness, and know I am unworthy to bear the Christian name, yet I feel that he is always ready with outstretched arms to receive, 32 PORTRAIT OP A forgive, and bless all who in humility and sincerity come unto him." "June, 1845. — Another precious season of com- munion have I enjoyed. Truly these are spiritual feasts. Any soul need not hunger and thirst, could it only come and receive this food divine. My soul has been fed with manna from heaven as oft as I have sat at the Saviour's table. To-day, when I went to it, I could not at first fix my thoughts as I wished ; but I trusted in the power of that holy scene to do it for me. I trusted and expected to receive from it the blessing our dear Lord left in and upon it for his lowly disciples. I knew and felt that I should derive good from it. And I did. It drew my thoughts, sweetly, there where I vainly tried to fix them. It spread a holy calmness over my mind. It diffused a blessed peace into my soul." " June 1. — Have just spent one of the most solemn and interesting evenings I ever enjoyed. The pastors and communicants of our churches united together in the celebration of the Lord's Sup- per at Rev. Dr. G.'s church. The lower part of the house was entirely filled with the professed disciples of Jesus. I was vividly reminded of that hour when CHRISTIAN LIFE. 33 all who shall have continued faithful to their profes- sion shall meet around the throne of God. The sermon was short and impressive, reaching the heart ; and must have aroused all to examine them- selves. Dehghtful hymns were selected, and sung by the congregation. As the bread and the cup passed round from one to another, what thoughts filled the mind ! some of them never to be forgot- ten. O holy, happy season ! may our future lives be influenced by this hour ! I did not want to leave. It did not seem like earth. But I remember, these are only refreshments in the Christian's course. We must come down from the mount, and enter the busy scenes of life ; meet again with temptation and trial. I remember that we are now to go on, and prove hy our lives our faith and love, — prove that we are Christ's disciples. All felt the solemn influence of the hour. But few words were spoken among the little group of friends with whom I walked home : each seemed to desire to be left to enjoy holy thoughts in secrecy and silence." Such sentiments as these occur continually in the record of her meditations on the days of communion. There is one other entry in her diary, bearing upon that sacred occasion, and 34 PORTRAIT OF A illustrative of the same feelings of deep attach- ment to the Lord's Supper to which reference has been already made, which I cannot suffer myself to leave unnoticed in this connection. It seems to me very beautiful, not only for the devotional spirit it breathes, but also as a description. " May 30. — Sweet, sacred sabbath ! welcome have been thy hours of worship and of communion. This anniversary is dearer to me than all others, dearer than my birthday and than any festival, because it marks and recalls the day of my sweet and solemn covenant with Jesus, of perpetual love and trust. Often, often, has my soul been re- vived and refreshed, and more ardent desires after holiness been awakened, as I have sat in the stillness and quiet of the sabbath afternoon at the table of the dear Lord, to whom I have joined and committed myself, my all. How gently has he led me by the silken cords of love! how abundantly has he ful- filled his promise to me, — to keep and to restore my soul, and lead me in green pastures ! " To-day I again enter * my Father's house.* As I advance towards my accustomed seat, I see the old and the young assembled to worship God. Silence CHRISTIAN LIFE. 35 reigns. What thoughts fill the mind! what emo- tions swell in the heart! As I look around upon faces over wliich reverence spreads its -calm and ele- vated expression, methinks, here and there, true hearts are disposing themselves to worship in spirit and in truth, and silently are praying for the presence and blessing of God upon the sacred duties about to be performed. Soon the silence is sweetly broken by the tuneful peal of the organ, as the earth- ly shepherd of the assembled flock ascends the sacred desk, causing our hearts to swell with grati- tude and praise. A portion of God's holy word is then read. The minister is seated. The voice of the organ is again heard, in soft and subdued tones, inviting and helping the mind to meditate on the divine truths which have been uttered, and preparing it to engage in the succeeding act of devotion, when our pastor shall stand up, and say, in reverential and persuasive tones, ' Let us pray.' The hymn of praise is then sung. And now the words of the text are heard, — ^ I came not to condemn the world, hut to save the worlds Our hearts are then led to the Saviour, and fastened on him. Another brief prayer, a doxology, and a benediction. But, before the benediction, a sweet invitation is given from the pulpit to a participation at the table of our common 36 PORTRAIT OF A Lord, to the dear and sacred rite in commemoration of the Saviour who died for us. But why, why, does any one go away ? Why do not all remain ? Is not that Saviour dear to all ? " They have departed. Sadly have we seen them rise, and go away. May the peace of Christ, which has been invoked upon all of us, go with them, and remain with them, and at length, by the power of its sweetness, draw them unto him, so that they shall never be willing to turn from him again, or from any thing that is associated with his remembrance, or emblematical of his spirit and his grace ! "But they have departed. The door is shut; and we are left, a little band of Christ's disciples, faint ourselves, but pursuing ; not more worthy, per- haps, than others, but loving much, because we feel that we are forgiven much ; coming near and clinging fast to our Lord and Master, because we have felt how weak we are, how kind and strong he is, and that, separated from him, we cannot stand nor rest " Lo, Christ is here ! Thoughts of the world, begone ! this is no place for you. Cares and pleasures of earth, be far from the mind! This ground is holy. Disciple of Jesus, thou art drawmg near in spirit to thy Saviour ; thou hast come up into the mount to see bis glory and his beauty through CHRISTIAN LIFE. 37 these sacred veils. Wait for his peaceful influence to proceed from these memorials which he has con- secrated and blessed for thee. Listen till the voice of the Son of God speaks to thy heart from these hallowed emblems. " Thou hast now eaten of the broken bread, and pressed to thy lips the ' cup of blessings.' Oh, now, as thou descendest from the mount, may thy body, fed with this divine food, use all its members as servants of purity and righteousness ! As thou goest out to the world, may these lips bless^ and not injure ; speak words of truth and peace and mercy ; be wholly attuned to the praises of God and the Lamb ! "Now we have sung our parting hymn, and, covered with a heavenly benediction, leave the sanc- tuary. . . . But here is one who has remained, not to partake with us at the table, but to sit apart, and, from a distance, to survey the scene. * And why, dear friend,' I say, taking her by the hand, ' why do you not join our company ? why do you not feed with us on the food divine ? why do you not come closer to the dear Redeemer in faith, and take your portion as a guest? ' — *I am not worthy,' is her reply : ' if I were good enough, oh how gladly would I stay ! ' — * Alas ! ' I rejoined, ' neither am I worthy, neither are any of us worthy. Ask each of those 38 PORTRAIT OF A who have just left the supper, you would have the same answer, " Neither am I good enough." Who is good enough to claim a place at the feast of Jesus, in the bosom of the spotless Lord ? But, my dear sister, for myself I can say, never, never, can I be grateful enough that the power of the Saviour's invitation conquered my own reluctance, on account of my sense of unworthiness. Never can I be grate- ful enough that his encouraging call, and his in- spiriting promise, "Lo, it is I; be not afraid!" overpowered the suggestions of my own timid mind and all the doubts of my self-distrusting heart, and drew me, compelled me, to come near and join my- self to him and to the company of his confessed disciples.' Thus, and in many more such words, as we walked homeward, I expressed to her my feel- ings, and told her of the strength and comfort I had found; and, as we parted, pressed her hand warmly, for my heart yearned towards her soul, and said, * Think of these things.' It may be that her heart is touched, and that she will be induced to enroll her name amongst the confessers of Christ. O Father in heaven, lead her, lead all whom I love, to thy blessed Son! May he draw all men unto him!" CHRISTIAN LIFE. 39 In connection with Miss Clapp's ardent at- tachment to the Lord's Supper, I cannot forbear to mention another interesting feature of her rehgious experience, which has im- pressed me as I have turned over the pages of her journal. I allude to the entireness and frequency of her self-dedication to God. On every communion-sabbath, as has been already hinted, often at other times, invariably at the beginning of the year, and on her birth- days, and, with hardly an exception, on the anniversary of her admission to the church, there are records which show that she renewed her vows of consecration with ever-deepening self-examination and self-surrender. This is, indeed, a great and solemn act of filial duty to God, although to many persons a dreaded duty. Many Christians speak of it often, and earnestly recommend it to others ; but few, it is to be feared, heartily perform it for themselves. Strange that it should be so hard to give ourselves up to Him who already has us wholly in his power ! to offer our willing 40 PORTRAIT OF A service to Him whom it is vain and perilous to disobey, but whose " service is perfect free- dom " ! to put away all feelings of alienation against Him who created and sustains us, who has given us whatever good things we possess, and promised us all good things, without measure and without end, if we Avill trust and love him ! to consent to re- nounce what offends our heavenly Father, and only makes ourselves miserable, and so to enter into a blessed state of reconciliation and loving fellowship with the greatest and best, the infinitely Good, and enjoy him and be near to him for ever ! Strange that it should be, or rather seem, so hard ! But, hard as it may seem, it is no less a sublime joy tjian a solemn duty. It lies at the foundation of a true and blessed life. Our humble friend sincerely discharged this duty. The result we saw : the cause we could not see while she lived. It was revealed only to Him who seeth the Christian in his closet, and rewardeth openly bis secret vows by the j CHRISTIAN LIFE. 41 beautiful fruits of righteousness. The result we partially saw, in her pure life, in her peaceful death. But she herself realized it, even on earth, — how much more than we could see ! — in the spiritual joy she experi- enced in her last days, which she said was 'beyond expression deep. Now that she is dead, and her meek spirit can no longer hide the record of its sacred acts, shall the veil be lifted from before them ? Only with a feeling of sacredness ; only for the help of others, not for her praise. " May 29. — The return of the sacred anniver- sary-sabbath calls me to solemn reflection. Deeper and holier may my desires be, O my Father, this year, — if thou permittest me to live, — to please thee ! *' I have to-day consecrated myself anew to the service of my Redeemer. I have entered into covenant — formally in the presence of my sabbath- school class, and secretly at the commemorative table — to be wholly the Lord's, in word, thought, and action. O God! in thy strength alone do I trust. Keep me from violating these covenant- 42 * PORTRAIT OF A vows. * Oh ! draw me, Father, after thee ; so shall I run, and never tire.' I will seek to advance the kingdom of God in the hearts of all I can influ- ence, in memory of Jesus, who has done so much for me." Jan. 12. — My mind has been exercised in a peculiar manner to-day, while reading the Memoir* and Sermons of my former beloved pastor, — Rev. Dr. Peabody, of Springfield. I have been led to look into and through my heart ; and oh, my Father in heaven, how unclean it must appear to thy holy eye ! But, O God ! thou knowest my desire, and thou hast again listened to my petition for strength to live wholly to thee. I have resolved to have all my actions performed with reference to the will of God ! I am resolved that no day shall pass without my having done an act of kindness to some of God's creatures. I am resolved to overcome rny prone- ness to selfishness. And what I do is not to obtain the approbation of God, but to show my heavenly Father that I would do his will." " Nov. 7. — Desires are rising, of late, more and more in my heart, which I fain would cherish, — desires for a nearer approach to the Saviour ; of CHRISTIAN LIFE*. 43 a more intimate communion with my heavenly Father ; that my wishes may centre in what God requires ; that I may ask, first of all and only, ' Lord, what wouldst thou have me to do ? ' With help from on high, the present week shall be en- tirely spent for eternity. Whether I eat or drink, or whatever I do, I will do all as for the glory of God. My own strength is weak. "O my Father, may thy will be mine ! May I love thee, and devote to thee the life thou hast given ! In the hour of temptation, may thy strength be made perfect in my weakness ! May I say to every tempter, ' Get thee behind me, Satan ! ' And then, as the soul's adver- sary shall flee from the rebuke of one who is conscious of a sincere desire to be wholly thine, may angels of peace and purity hover around to minister to thy child in the eventful hour ! " " Dec. 0, 1846. — My heavenly Father, this night I humbly seek to love thee, to serve thee, to devote to my Saviour the life thou hast given. " In the house of God this afternoon, at the close of the sermon, I was about making a resolution to devote, in a solemn manner, — in the secret silence of my soul, surrounded by the worshippers of God, — myself to God more unreservedly than I had 44 PORTRAIT OP A ever done. The last two lines awakened the thought. I could not resolve. A spell seemed to be upon my will. Every thing around was calm ; the sanctuary a fitting place ; in the presence-cham- ber of God ; praying souls around me, and yet mine alone with God ; voices of praise ascending to his throne ; and yet my will was holden. The parting hymn was nearly finished: still I hesitated. The thought, that, when tlie service ended, other feelings and thoughts might intrude to banish the hallowed monition, to drown the holy whisper, made me feel that I should not 'quench the Spirit.' My heart rallied its powers : the spell was broken, and I inwardly resolved to Mive or die to God,* as the choir were singing those very lines. Shall I suc- ceed ? Not in mine own strength. I will flee to the Rock that is higher than I." " March 5. — There is a difference, a rich variety, in our sabbaths : and yet all sabbaths are alike ; for they all remind us of the eternal sabbalh of rest prepared for all who love God. To-day I have been spiritually fed by the counsels of Rev. Mr. , from the text, * If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.' Oh, how those words im- CHRISTIAN LIFE. 45 pressed me ! Alas ! self, self, how it comes in the way! I have again been awakened to a sense of duty. Oh, I would cherish to my dying hour the hallowed associations of this day ! I have partaken at the commemorative table ; the bread and wine, emblems of my Saviour's sufferings for love and for righteousness' sake, have again been displayed be- fore my eyes, and received into my lips. If he bore the ignominy and the agony of the cross for the good of others ; was bruised for our iniquities, and chastised for our peace, — shall not I, in my daily life, take up my little cross, and deny myself; counting it all joy to prove, in Q\eYj act, my desire to please the Father ? " Such, then, is my resolve from this moment. God and my Saviour shall henceforth be my all-in- all. In the most trivial act of every-day life, I will be on my guard, and do it as for Him. Even the tone of my voice towards those who try me shall be for the glory of God. When perplexed at school; or disturbed at home, I must possess my soul in peace, — this soul consecrated to Christ. I must be ready to yield up my own wishes and com- fort for others' good, and, so, meekly confess my Sa- viour's gentleness and disinterestedness, who, when he was reviled, reviled not again ; and who came, 46 PORTRAIT OF A not to be ministered unto, but to minister. I must suffer no feeling of unforgiveness to remain towards any ; not even a shade of unforgiveness towards , who has deeply wounded me, and marred the happiness of my friends ; but must teach my heart to love , and all others who may have offended me, that I may be perfect in the Christian spirit and temper, wanting nothing. O my Father, grant these desires of my heart, forgive the past, and ac- cept my whole offering ! Amen." CHRISTIAN LIFE. 47 CHAPTER III. Christian Activity and Usefulness. Sunday School AND Day School. Correspondence with her Young Pupils and Friends. One evidence of the genuineness of piety is an earnest desire and purpose to be useful. If we love God, we cannot be satisfied without serving him. If we love the Saviour, we shall be willing to work for him, to teach his truth, to feed his lambs, to lead others to love and honor him. A selfish enjoyment of religion involves a contradiction. To desire to absorb the divine light is to close our souls to its illu- mination. To desire to appropriate the bread of God and the water of life to our personal sustenance and private delight is spiritual covetousness, the meanest and most offensive of all. That piety which is ever contemplat- ing itself, watching its own emotions, rejoicing 48 PORTRAIT OF A at its own increase, mourning over its dimi- nution, narrowly inspecting and carefully depicting its varying moods and shades, en- grossed in its own culture, uninterested in the moral condition of others, never forgetting itself in prayers and sacrifices for their spirit- ual benefit, — though it may fill sentimental diaries, and gain a fame for superior sanctity equal to its conceit, is worse than morbid and visionary : it is self-seeking, unchristian. We are only really going towards heaven when we are growing in love ; nor can we expect a cordial welcome at its golden gate, unless we are leading with us from the wilderness some lost brother to our Father's house, or bearing in our arms a stray lamb of the Saviour to lay as our love-offering in his bosom. Amongst the earliest and most charming manifestations of the religious spirit in the case of our friend was an ardent desire to minister, as a disciple of Jesus, to others. Mingled with such devotional aspirations as we have already noticed, there occur on CHRISTIAN LIFE. 49 nearly every page of her journal equally ear- nest expressions of wishes and purposes to be useful. " March 25. — Have been led to reflect upon the duty and importance of a life of active piety, of devoted usefulness. To this same subject my mind has been many times drawn of late. I have asked myself, 'Am I doing all the good in my power? What influence do I exert upon those around me ? Am I content to seek alone for the pearl of great price ? or am I endeavoring to lead others, by pre- cept and example, to the fold of Christ?' Most earnestly have I been led to examine the inmost recesses of my soul, to search after the selfishness that may taint my motives and mingle with my re- ligious purposes. O my Father, give me a clean heart! The more earnestly I long after holiness myself, the more do I desire that all should partake of the happiness of loving and serving God. Let me watch for every opportunity of leading others onward, onward." " March 27, 1848. — A young person has come to me to-day for counsel and sympathy. The reli- gious life is dawning in her soul. Oh ! more than 4 50 PORTRAIT OF A ever do I feel that I must be free from sin, that I may with a purer fire kindle the sacred flame of holy desire in this heart, which looks to me, and is open to my influence. That I may say the word in season is my earnest prayer.'* "June 10, 1842. — I have again returned from our ever-pleasant Friday-evening meeting. My heart has been animated and encouraged ; my ear- nest desires have been quickened. It was good for me to be there. " The remarks were upon the parable of the laborers in the vineyard. Oh, how encouraging, that even those who come at the last hour will be accepted ! — how encouraging, not only as showing the long-suffering mercy of our heavenly Father towards his dilatory creatures, but also encouraging to those who are laboring for the conversion of others ! After having labored all day, without suc- ceeding in bringing any to their Lord's service, they need not despair ; for perhaps, just towards night, at the eleventh hour, they may find some willing to take his yoke upon them. Or, after having tried, the first, second, and thifd time, to win the heart of some friend to Christ, and tried in vain, that very heart may be ready to come into his CHRISTIAN LIFE. 51 vineyard, if they will seek it still once more, even at the eleventh hour. " Oh that my heart may be more wholly given up to the blessed work of the Lord ! " Our pastor alluded to the subject of the last week's meeting, and mentioned the case of two individuals, — one an old, and the other a young person ; the former now on' a journey, and the latter confined at home by sickness, — who had been so impressed that night, that they resolved, before re- tiring to rest, that they would lead a life of prayer. Yes, and it was by the same remarks that I was led to commence the practice of gathering my younger sisters and brother around me from time to time, to commend ourselves to God, to pray for his forgiveness, and that he would help us to be loving and faithful towards one another and towards him. I can truly say, the first attempts have done me good. Oh, may I persevere ! " In 1841, Miss Clapp became a teacher in the Hancock Sunday School connected with the Second Church, and soon after with the How- ard Sunday School associated with the Pitts- street Chapel. Her services in both were of 62 PORTRAIT OF A the highest value. No one ever labored more faithfully, few more successfully, for the Christian education of the young. To bring them to Christ was the purpose nearest to her heart. She regarded them as his lambs ; to be taught in his name, in his spirit, and for his sake ; to be fed with his trutli, with the " sincere milk of the word," — not with the teacher's own notions, not with the wisdom of this world. From him she received her call, her commission to teach them, and for him she taught; and not only by the lessons of the sabbath, but by her secret daily prayers on their behalf; by conversations and prayer with them, together or singly, at special sea- sons during the week ; and by her constant endeavor to sanctify herself, that her influence might be pure and powerful upon them. It was her custom also to write letters to her young friends from time to time, while they were under her immediate charge, and after they had left the school. A large number of these, which have been carefully CHRISTIAN LIFE. 53 preserved by those to whom they were ad- dressed, have been put into my hands. A few extracts from them will convey a better impression, than any words of mine, of the wise and elevated character and purely Chris- tian spirit of her instructions. I would venture also to hope, that the young persons under whose eyes they pass may feel the pure influ- ence of the spirit which they breathe ; and that, associating the sentiments expressed in them with the image of a sister who has herself walked blamelessly and triumphantly through the same path of earthly duties and temptations in which they are now travelling, they may be encouraged to live above the world, and to strive for a crown of light.. " Dear A., — I would gladly comply with your request to write some mottoes, or something of the kind, which you could have near you to read occa- sionally, which might aid you in your endeavors to attain a truly spiritual character. But how difficult it is to do this for another ! because we cannot know the real condition of each other's inw^ard life. I 54 PORTRAIT OF A hesitate, therefore, to lay clown any rules or sugges- tions for you ; but if you will accept a few that I have a desire to remember and live by myself, and if they comfort you and aid and strengthen you as they have often me, I shall not regi'et that I sent them to you. "First and uppermost, I would reahze the pro- mise of Jesus, ' Lo, I am with you always.' " Duties are mine ; events, God's. " Be anxious for nothing, not even your own spiritual state. " Cast your burden, whatever it is, on the Lord. " After you have done a good deed, forget it. " Seek first the kingdom of heaven. " Let not your left hand know what your right hand doeth. " Dare to be thought singular, when you are act- ing conscientiously. " Seek not the Christian life that you may be happy, but seek it because it is God's will. Your happiness is certain : but think not too much of that ; forget self. " Do nothing to be seen of others. Show piety at home. "Bear and forbear. Be patient under difficul- ties. CHRISTIAN LIFE. 55 " Do not think too much of the approbation of others. " Be true to principle in little things as well as great. " God searches the heart : he desires truth in the inward parts. " Live for others. " Do not be afraid to look within : probe every secret corner of the heart ; do it prayerfully. " Tremble when you feel self-satisfied, lest there be some spiritual pride. " Don't feel elated when you are praised : God only knows the heart. " Having consecrated yourself, believe that you are accepted. " If the burden of sin or imperfections depresses your spirit, go right to the fountain of holiness, and * wash and be clean.' " Lord, I believe : help my unbelief " If we had no dear Redeemer, what a load we should have to carry ! * I'll drop my burden at his feet, and bear a song away.' " Lead the young to Christ. " Smile upon and speak to the poor and neglected, not patronizingly, but as to children of 'our Father.' " Pray much in secret : pray with and for others. 56 PORTRAIT OF A "Watch for opportunities to communicate the religious life to others. " Examine yourself, your motives to action, every night. " Be pure in heart. Live by the moment, " Lord,- what wouldst thou have me to do now f " Act conscientiously. Seek not honor one of another. " Crucify thyself. Take up thy cross daily, " Well, A., I might go on for some time : but I will add no more ; for no doubt they are familiar to you. But they often pass before my mind, and it is a strong desire of my heart to live according to them. By these, and others of a similar nature, am I constantly judging myself. May they meet the wants of my dear sabbath-school pupil ! " Yours truly, " Maria E.C.'V How could there be crowded into so sliort- a space more Christian truth and wisdom ? What a familiarity these maxims, written from mqmory, show with the purest fountains of spiritual knowledge, with the highest aspira- CHRISTIAN LIFE. 57 tions of the Christian life ! Can you not judge from such counsels somewhat of the value of the services of the writer to the young and to the church? The letters which follow were written at different periods ai>d to different individuals. " My dear C, — It has been my practice to address a few lines to those I hold so dear, — the members of my sabbath class, — at the commence- ment of each new year. You have recently become a member. I cordially welcome you, and trust that the pleasant tie now formed between us may never be sundered. Will it not be pleasant to meet each sabbath, and, in friendly confidence, express to each other our desires for improvement, converse upon the precious truths of the gospel, and, hand in hand, walk onward and upward in the path that will lead us to ' our Father ' ? It is my desire, C, so to gain the confidence and love of my pupils, that they will express to me their thoughts freely, and feel towards me as to an elder sister. I look upon you as immortal spirits, destined for a higher state of exist- ence. With this in view, it is my aim not only to explain each lesson so that you may increase in intellectual knowledge, but I more than -all desire 58 PORTRAIT OF A that each of you may become * followers of God as dear children.' The New Year dawns upon us : not a stain has yet sullied its record. Let its first hours find us resolving, that now, in the freshness and bloom of youth, we will endeavor to give our bright- est and happiest hours to Him who said, * Those who seek me early shall find me.' I know from experience how much pleasure even a child can enjoy in seeking * the Father,' and in trying to do his will. May God bless you, and incline you to love him! " Accept this httle book. It is written by Miss Dix, — a lady who imitates her Saviour by going about doing good. You, no doubt, have heard of her : she is a choice spirit. " I sincerely wish you a * happy New Year.* " Yours in love, " Maria E. Clapp." "My dear H., — I returned from my pleasant visit to the country Friday evening, and found on the table a letter from my dear pupil, which I have read with the deepest interest. I thank you for writing, and for the expression of your religious emotions. Your experience, my dear pupil, is what many have passed through. As a little child, when it first begins to walk, leans upon its mother ; so, H., CHRISTIAN LIFE. 59 if we would lead a Christian life, we must lean upon Christ. I know you do desire to please God, and to be his dear child. May you cherish your present religious convictions ! They are the workings of God's Spirit within you : only obey its promptings. I can understand your feelings with regard to uniting with the church ; but, Hattie, don't allow them to influence you. Give your prayerful attention to the thought, that it is because you feel sinful, and apt to fall into temptation ; that it is because you are young, and have no strength of your own ; that it is because of these very things your Saviour has pro- mised to be all-sufficient for you. You are in the right state when you feel your sinfulness. None ever truly come to Jesus until they see how sinful they are. The well do not need a physician, but the sich. The members of a Christian church are those who have turned to Christ as the physician of their sin-sick souls. How few realize this ! Oh that our Saviour, who is standing with his arms of love to heal and bless, might receive more of the lambs of his flock, to shield them from the temptations that are around and within them ! I wish to write more, but have not been well the last day or two. " With love and interest, your teacher, « Maria E. C." 60 PORTRAIT OF A "Jan. 1. " To MY Class. — My dear girls, accept my heartfelt thanks for the valuable token of your love which I received this morning. I was dehghted not only with the book, but because I was remembered by you, and because I saw in the list of names some who no longer are able to meet with our class on the sabbath ; proving to me that they still have a place in their affections for me. I shall place it among my choicest treasures : it will awaken many tender recollections of the past and present members of my class in the Hancock Sunday School. "Oh, how I should like to meet you all once more together ! for some of my happiest seasons have been passed with you in conversation upon sub- jects connected with our spiritual interests. " To the past members, all of whom have made a consecration of themselves to our dear Redeemer, let me say. Go on, dear girls, in every Christian grace; be not weary; struggle on. ^Nearer, still nearer to Christ,' be your continual motto. " And to you, my loved ones, who are still with me, some of whom have made choice of the Chris- tian life, and some of whom, I believe, are almost persuaded to yield their wills to the will of God, let me say, Onward! onward! Keep your eyes fixed CHRISTIAN LIFE. 61 upon Jesus: he is ever near to you. In all your struggles with temptation, look up. Let our motto this year be, *Thy will be done.' " A happy New Year to all I "Maria E. Clapp.'* " Dear F., — My warmest sympathies are with you, as you are now confined to your chamber with sickness. I do not think it well to intrude myself into a sick-room, unless I can do some good: so I shall visit you only through the instrumentality of a short letter. "May 'our Father's' presence abide with you, and sweet and comforting thoughts of his love and care for you sustain and bless you ! " What a precious opportunity does the sick-room afford to rest ourselves upon the bosom of our dear Redeemer ! What peace and quiet come over the spirit ! The world, with its cares, anxieties, and per- plexities, shut out for a season, the influences of the Holy Spirit come over the soul to purify, elevate, and bless. " F., I always love to commune with you upon spiritual things, because you seem ever willing and desirous to converse with me upon themes which fill my own thoughts. May you be spared to us all, that we may enjoy from time to time still further 62 PORTRAIT OF A Christian interviews in the future! Do not feel that you are doing no good, lying upon yoiir sick- bed. God asks you to be willing to wait ; to rest from active labors a while ; to bear the burden of having your plans for a season frustrated. Are you willing? Oh, yes! I know you are: God's ways are best. I remember not long since saying to a Christian spirit, when I found I must give up even- ing meetings and one of my classes in the Sunday school, * Oh, I wish I could take charge of my class in the Howard Sunday School ! ' She sweetly repHed, * Maria, God can do without your labors : don't you think so?' I felt the gentle reproof of that loved spirit, and said, ' Oh, yes ! true, true : I must not regret. We must take up whatever cross comes to us, leaving all events in the hands of God.' "But I may weary you; and I am somewhat fatigued to-night : so I will close by wishing you a return to the enjoyment of health, and a good, good night. " Yours truly, "Maria E.G." "Jan. 1. " Dear C, — You know, that, a few sabbaths since, I requested the members of our class to inform me if they were Avilling to prepare themselves to CHRISTIAN LIFE. bd become teachers. I have received an affirmative reply from one, and, before this letter is handed to you, shall probably receive your answer. I antici- pate that your reply will be the same. " One reason, to my mind, why there has not been more good done in the Sunday school is because teachers have hastily taken upon themselves the office, without sufficient preparation. It is, then, my object to aid you in this work of preparation. Whenever you shall assume the responsibility, let it be with right views and motives : let there be a strong and glowing conviction* of the excellence and importance of the truths which you may teach. A love for knowledge, and a love to impart it, must first be felt by yourself: the aspirations which you would kindle up in the minds of your pupils must first be 'felt in your own mind. You must be what you teach. Much patience and perseverance will be necessary. I want you to count the cost. It will not be enough that you have acquired a certain amount of head- knowledge, and can clothe your thoughts in beautiful language. Your own character must give weight to your instructions. Your example will ever speak louder than your words. If ever I feel the need of living a perfect life, I feel it doubly in the relation I sustain as teacher. 64 PORTRAIT OF A " Will there not be an additional attraction for the Sunday school, this year, to my young pupils, in the feeling that you have something to hve for, and that every step you take in the Christian life, every religious truth made clear to your own mind, is fit- ting you to become a guide to those whose minds ai-e yet unformed ? " I thank you for the attention you have given me the past year. Our connection in the sabbath-class has been, thus far, happy. Let us endeavor, this year, to ' increase in wisdom, and in favor with God and man.' " I wish yourself and family a happy New Year. " Yours truly, "Maria Elizabeth Clapp." " My dear C, — The many engagements of ' Anniversary Week have so occupied my thoughts, that I have not, as I intended, had time to express a few parting words of counsel, as you leave my class to assume the sacred office of teacher. I must, however, hastily utter the earnest wish, that you may be instrumental in leading the lambs of the flock to the fold of the Good Shepherd. You have consecrated yourself to him : oh ! C, draw the little childi*en, who will now be placed under CHRISTIAN LIFE. 6B your guidance, to the Saviour. Don't go to them merely to hear them recite their lessons, but make those lessons the subject of conversation ; draw out their thoughts by asking famiharly all they have done through the week ; talk to them of Jesus ; make them Christ-like. C, a little child may be a disciple of Christ : may this be the aim of all your instruc- tions ! Let the hour you spend with your class be consecrated to this one object. " Go in faithf my dear pupil, to impart spiritual food, A great work is before you ; but don't shrink from it. You are now to help prepare immortal souls for immortahty. Feed yourself continually upon the ' bread of life,' and then an influence shall go forth from you to bless them. "You will find some teachers who spend the hour in amusing their class by reading, or telling stories. These things are good in their places ; but the sabbath-hour and the sabbath-school teacher should be devoted to thoughts of God, of the soul, and of heaven. " Go to them fresh every sabbath from your closet; devote a portion of every week to a pre- paration for the Sunday's interview with your class ; bring before your mind each member of your class ; select the thoughts you intend for this 5 66 PORTRAIT OP A or that one ; ask God to help you to say the right word at the right time ; seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit ; let the hour of preparation be an hour of self-examination. " Oh, how much more have I upon my mind to say to you ! But you know my thoughts upon this subject. I will trust that your desire to do good, and your gratitude to Jesus, w^ill prompt you in your efforts as a Sunday-school teacher. " And, now, must I say to one who has so long been with me, * Good-hy ' ? To one who has so many years been my pupil, and with whom I have enjoyed such freedom of spiritual communion, must I say, * Good-by ' ? Yes, to-day the relation of teacher and pupil is severed. I shall see you ; but our spirits will not have that close intercourse we have hitherto enjoyed. Shall our hearts, therefore, be sad ? No^ no ; for my pupil has left, that she may be a laborer with me in the vineyard of the Lord. Go, C. : the prayers of my heart are for you. "Maria Elizabeth Clapp." " Sunday Eve, Feb. 28, 1846. • " Friend L*., — Allow me to express a few thoughts suggested by your reply to the remark I made at the close of church this afternoon, * / CHRISTIAN LIFE. 67 wish I was.* Yes, I know it was your desire to stay, and spend an hour in communion with that loved Saviour who saith to all^ ' Come;* who stands and knocks at the door of every heart; and has promised, ' If we will but open to him, he will come in and sup with us, and we with him.' You did stop, and no doubt your thoughts were in sympathy with ours ; and, in the silence of your me- ditations at that hallowed scene, did not your ' heart burn within you' to draw nearer in .closer sym- pathy with that band? I know you will answer, ' Yes.' Perhaps, also, you will say, * But I feel unworthy : I do not think I am a Christian.' If so, I would ask. Who is worthy ? Alas, how few ! It is because of my unworthiness that I feel the need of a Saviour's love. Often, as I have felt depressed and cast down by a consciousness of my sins, have I felt encouraged and strengthened when I have thought of * Him who is able to save to the uttermost.' I have often felt, as I have seen that table spread from month to month, that there were better and more devoted followers of Christ than myself, who turned away because they felt they were not quite good enough. So might I have waited, and have lost the comfort, consolation, peace, and happiness which I have enjoyed since 68 PORTRAIT OF A I became a foltower of Jesus. Never shall I re- gret that I united with the church of Christ: it has been with me the happiest portion of my life. I long to have every one enjoy the privilege of the season of communion; and especially the young would I encourage to come in the spring-time of life, while the affections are warm, before the world gains too much of their thoughts. Dear L., may I not ask you to come? Yes, I will. Never, while I see the least spark of Christian interest in a friend, will I go on my way enjoying these spiritual privileges myself, without endeavor- ing to make that friend a partaker at that 'feast of love.' I would not have any be hasty; but there is often danger of waiting too long. Is it not the desire of your heart to be a Christian? Then why not use every means in your power? Be assured, there is no solid happiness short of our whole duty. Think of these things, dear friend; and may God enable you, ere long, to devote your whole life and every act of life to the Saviour, wlio has laid down his life for the world ! Forgive, if I have spoken too earnestly ; I will not say abruptly, because I have endeavored to learn your feelings, and know you will receive all in the same spirit which has prompted me to write. My heart shall CHRISTIAN LIFE. 69 ever be ready to sympathize with and encourage you as much as lies in my power. Let us throw away all restraint, and converse freely as Christians. * Perfect love casteth out fear.' Adieu ! " Your friend, M. E. C." Miss Clapp neither taught nor recommended any thing which she did not most faithfully practise. The secret of her powerful influence over her pupils was her evident earnestness in learning the highest lessons which she taught. When she spoke to them of the Sa- viour, it was with such an expression of blended reverence and love as if she were actually looking up into his adorable face ; when she repeated his precepts, it was as if she were sitting down at his feet, taking every word from his divine lips into her own heart before giving it to them. She was an ever-active though modest and unostentatious minister of charity, leading her 70 PORTRAIT OF A scholars bj her own hand in paths of Christian beneficence as well as of piety. The hours which others would have given to recreation — the few intervals of leisure which her daily avocation allowed — were generally devoted to visiting the poor and the sick. In my pastoral walks among the destitute, it was no unusual thing to find her sitting by the bedside of the aged and the suffering, with the Bible or Hymn-book in her hand, from which she had been reading ; a bunch of flowers, or some little luxury which she had brought, lying upon the table ; and every thing in the rude apartment giving evidence tliat a neat and skilful hand had been recently at work. Sometimes she would take one or two of her young friends with her to introduce them to the Christian duties of visiting the widow and the lonely, as well as to cheer the desolate with their pleasant company or their sacred songs. From about her twentieth year till a few months before her death, Miss Clapp was en- CHRISTIAN LIFE. 71 gaged in teaching, first in a private school, and afterwards in one of the primary schools of the city. The latter, though more labo- rious, and to most persons less inviting, was to her peculiarly attractive. When her friends sometimes expressed their surprise, that, with her delicate health and pure tastes, she could be content to submit to the drudgery incident to a large school of children of the rudest class, she w^as accustomed to reply, " I think a Christian should consider it a duty _ and a pleasure to do good to those who need it the most. I love to find Christ's jewels, as I often do, amongst those whose exterior is the least interesting. When I have washed and clothed them, and taught them a few good lessons, and drawn out their love, some of the rough- est-looking and most untidy often come out bright and sweet." . She governed them by love ; for she really loved them. For many of them she made clothing, or provided it ; and for each one, at Christmas, had some useful or comfortable 72 PORTRAIT OF A gift, the work of her own fingers. Their little foreign names were often on her lips at home. " Biddy " and " Maggy " were mentioned witli as much interest and treated with as much affection as if they were the fair and favored children wlio come from their mothers' hands looking so neat and wholesome that you can- not help taking them to your heart. When told that she was wearing herself out by the additional labor of controlling them without seventy, and advised to adopt punishment as a help, her noble answer was, " When I am too weak in body and mind to govern them without bodily chastisement, I shall give up their charge altogether." As I was turning over some of her loose papers, a very small folded letter, not two inches square, attracted my attention. The paper was poor and soiled ; the superscription irregularly written, and incorrectly spelled. It was addressed to " l^iss Clapp, Teacher of the Primary School, Merrimack Street, Bos- ton." On opening it, I found the only record. CHRISTIAN LIFE. 73 amongst all the manuscripts left by our friend, of those days and years of devoted labor and unwearied kindness which were spent in that little schoolroom, in which she wore out a precious life, and performed an inestimable service to her generation. It is, indeed, a very humble memorial ; but it is none the less affecting and significant, inscribed as it is by the unskilful hand of an unlettered but honest woman, who, in speaking from her own heart, represented the gratitude of many poor mothers who could not write their thanks. With the exception of the spelling, and one or two grammatical errors, which I have cor- rected, the following is a copy of the letter : — " Boston, Nov. 29, 1853. " Miss Clapp, — I am very much obliged to you for your kindness to Andrew ; but there is a place above us, where the Lord will reward you for your humanity, and the good instructions you give to the youth that are placed under your charge. May the Lord bless you, shall be always the prayer of your humble friend, &c., "M. Welch." 74 PORTRAIT OF A CHAPTER ly. Christian Friendship. Correspondence with L. Christian history, though stained with the frequent record of controversy, is* brightened by many a charming picture of pure and devoted friendship. If* we are* prompted to cultivate friendly alliances by our natural in- stincts and our mortal needs, we are urged still more earnestly by our Christian sym- pathies and our spiritual wants. Like fellow- countrymen in a foreign land, spirits that feel themselves to be strangers on the earth seek and cling to each other. As the essence of Christianity is love, so its impulse is ever towards communion. It is a mistake to sup- pose, that, because the Christian spirit extends and diffuses our affections, it must therefore diminish their intensity ; that, in order to love CHRISTIAN LIFE. 75 all men more, we must love the one or the few less warmly. The wider our sympathies spread, the warmer they grow : the farther they stretch their tendrils towards remote ob- jects, the closer they clasp those that are near. The heart whose glow does not warm those who are nearest has not heat enough for a wide radiation : he who has no strong affection for individuals has not sufficient capacity of affection for universal benevolence. It is among the most precious evidences of the depth and fulness of the Redeemer's com- passion towards our whole race, that John was the disciple of his bosom, and that he loved Martha and Mary and Lazarus. Almost every Christian has a bosom-friend. It was so with her of whom I am writing. There were several whose society was pleasant to her, and with whom she delighted to con- verse on sacred themes ; but there was one, of her own sex, and not far from her own age, who was nearer to her than all the rest. With her she held almost daily communion ; to her 76 PORTRAIT OP A she revealed the inmost feelings of her heart. This friend she had first been led to love by her efforts to lead her to Christ. In these endeavors she had been successful ; and the result was that close intimacy which continued for many years, without a moment's interrup- tion or the slightest jar, till her death. The friendship that subsisted between them was like that between Naomi and Ruth, with the addition of still another element, — a mutual devotion to the Saviour ; a mutual daily draught, as out of one cup, of the living water which he giveth ; that " agreement as to what they should ask of the Father in his name " to which he encouraged his disciples, two and two, by precious promises. It was the custom of these friends, both of whom were teachers in primary schools, and whose paths crossed on the way to their separate posts of duty, to exchange notes as they passed each other, containing a few morning thoughts, or a word of Christian salutation and encouragement. A few of CHRISTIAN LIFE. 77 these, written by Miss Clapp in pencil, and generally on scraps of paper, have been preserved, and put into my hands, by the sur- viving friend, with permission to print them, together with two or three longer letters to the same person. They are not published be- cause of any thing particularly striking in them, but as pleasant memorials and illustra- tions of a friendship which blossomed daily, and of a piety which every morning put forth a new flower, glistening with a fresh dewdrop from heaven. " May, 1846. " Dear L., — I have been thinking of our pleasant interview as we walked from church. Though few words passed between us, yet were we not united in thought? Did not our spirits sym- pathize? Yes, they did. One feeling has been uppermost with me since we parted, — a regret that I did not urge you not to delay until the next month to come forward as an open follower of Christ ; for your own truest happiness ; for that peace of mind which cannot wholly be yours until you do actually come to Christ, and enter into a holy covenant with 78 PORTRAIT OF A him in the appointed way. I would say, from the experience I have had of your state of mind, ' Come now ; for all things are ready.' Do you intend to devote yourself to Christ ? Now is the best and only time. Only have faith to believe that he is willing to accept and receive you just as you are. Do not wait for another month to find you better prepared : be assured, you will then see yourself in the same light as now. Oh ! L., could you but know the hap- piness I have felt since I united with that band (though there is no virtue in the mere outward act) ; the inward strength I have received ; the calm, sub- duing influences of those seasons of communion, — you would, with me, watch for every opportunity to win and encourage every one who has the least, spark of heavenly hope and love. Far be it from me to urge one, who has had no experience of the burden of sin, no yearning for a Saviour, no heart- felt repentance, to make a confession of discipleship : that would be mockery. But, L., have you not already, in secret, dedicated yourself to God? Do you not love him ? Is ' it not your desire to live to him? Then use every means; cast aside the thought of others; all your fears and doubts lest you should not succeed. Live by the hour for God. Spend this hour for him and in him ; and, the next CHRISTIAN LIFE. . 79 hour, pray for strength to do the same. Life is com- posed of hours, of inconspicuous opportunities, of present acts, of instant determinations. The spirit and motive which prompt us to act are. of more importance than the act itself Our right choice at any moment is of more consequence than the highest deferred undertaking. Where we put ourselves now, we shall be found the next hour, whether, when that hour comes, it brings health or sickness, life or death. Let u% put ourselves now where we would be found of God, that we may be found of him in peace. " I would write more, but have not time. My earnest prayer is that God would enable you this night to decide. Decide with heartiness for Christ, only and wholly for Christ; and then go to sleep, dear friend, where you have laid yourself, — on his 'bosom. " Your friend and sister, « Maria." "July 27, 1845. " Dear L., — The sweet, the solemn hour is past ! You now have devoted yourself to God ; you have -received upon your forehead the waters of bap- tism ; have reached forth your hand, and partaken of 80 . . PORTRAIT OF A the emblems of your Saviour's broken body, and of his blood poured out for you. Oh ! did not your heart burn within you with ardent longings to become his faithful, devoted disciple? Would you exchange the feelings yoji have had to-day for any thing the world calls happiness ? I know you would not. Such will ever be your peace of mind, if you are watchful. If I know you aright, you are not one of those who think, because you are united to the church, therefore you are a CBristian. The sweet converse we have held from time to time has con- vinced me that it is your earnest, sincere purpose to become such : and, like myself, you are beginning ; yes, every day beginning. I would say to you, then. Be never discouraged ; aim high ; be content with nothing short of the whole Christian character. Let no earthly being be your standard of excellence : be a disciple of Christ, Oh, how much is contained in that word disciple ! "I need not tell you how much I sympathize with you at this time. Be assured, I shall ever love to aid you all in my power ; and I know you will, in return, aid me. The Christian path is not all smooth : there are trials and temptations to encoun- ter, — conflicts within and without. But there ai^e also sweet and sacred pleasures, — deai* companions CHRISTIAN LIFE. 81 on earth, and saintly witnesses and friends in heaven ; the happiness arising from a heart at peace. The hidden joys of the Christian are, indeed, many and real. May we walk together in that true and hearenly road ! May it be our earnest purpose to follow Christ to the end ! May we daily and hourly remember him and cling to him, drink in his spirit, and rest in his bosom ! And now, that the impres- sions of this solemn hour may have an influence upon your whole future life, and that you may be a Christian indeed, is the heartfelt prayer of sister . "M. E. C." " I am always ready, dear Lucy, to join in con- verse with Christian friends, but more especially with the chosen, the beloved of those friends. Life, within the past few months, has convinced me, more than ever, that nothing earthly can give abiding peace. I have been peculiai'ly exercised ; and was determined, before I went to rest last night, to wres- tle with the angel until he blessed me. Oh ! there is nothing like secret prayer : it is the oil of the soul. Retirement and , self-communion do more for the soul than social intercourse ; but then we must come down from the mount that we may win others. God grant us the living power ! A happy day to you ! « Maria." 82 PORTBAIT OF A " Dear L., — AU for Christ to-day. Oh for a deeper baptism of the Holy Spirit ! I would that nothing might distract my thoughts from spiritual things ! Oh, L., this hidden life, — how much more real it is than the outward ! * We live in the spirit : let us walk in the spirit.' " God bless you in all your thoughts and efforts to minister to the spiritual wants of others to-day ! *In remembrance of Christ' I would utter every thought ; and then, through me, all unworthy as I am, shall his voice be heard speaking to the souls of those I would instruct to-day. " Grace and peace be with you ! "Maria Elizabeth." " ' QUIETNESS AND CONFIDENCE ARE THY STRENGTH.' " Quiet as opposed to anxiety and fear. May this quiet be ours, dear friend ! ' Be still, my heart ! these anxious cares To thee are burdens, thorns, and snares : They cast dishonor on thy Lord, And contradict his gracious word.' " Confidence as opposed to distrust, to want of faith and hope. • He who has helped me hitherto Will help me all my journey through.' CHRISTIAN LIFE. 83 " Strengthened, indeed, shall we be, if in quietness and confidence we repose our trust in Him who has said, ' I will never leave nor forsake those who put their trust in me, because they trust in me.' " Oh, how much I long to have more faith ! Lord, help thou mine unbelief. " These few thoughts, dear sister, were mine last night. I send them to you this morning. God bless you, and fill your soul with quietness and confidence and love ! " Maria." " I told you, dear L., that I was not satisfied with myself; and I am not : but I have prayed earnestly for help to be and to do what God requires at the present moment. ' Now is the accepted time.' Oh, L. ! my inward struggles are greater than any one knows. I long to be wholly consecrated. I know not why, but, at this season of the year, I seem to be, like the prodigal son, ' coming to myself.' I have arisen and gone to my Father, and uttered my cry for pardon. Yes ; and I see his outstretched arms ready to receive me. What a constant struggle is the true Christian life ! What a relief it is to pour out our hearts in confession of sin ! how it strength- ens us to resist it ! "When I meet you to-night, I shall not be the 84 PORTRAIT OF A anxious, troubled, dispirited friend from whom you parted yesterday. I already feel that I am renewed, — a new creature again in Christ Jesus. Yes, I am full of peace. Oh, may it never leave me ! "Our recent communion in secret leads me to confide these states of mind to you. "Maria." "Monday Morning. " O my dear L. ! I renounce all sin, as we agreed. I consecrate myself entirely. Shall I, shall I, be kept from sin ? Pray for me, L. I long to be free from self, and to be wholly. one with the Father. " God bless you ! I want to say more ; but . May your thoughts be full of peace in believing, and may the Spirit abide with you ! " Maria." " Sabbath Morning, July, '47. " Dear L., — What a beautiful morning ! Does not the heart of my friend, with my own, ascend to ' our Father ' in gratitude ? and is there not a long- ing desire to free ourselves from earth-bom thoughts and cares, and to spend this hallowed season in com- munion with the Father of our spirits ? To you, this day, no doubt, is doubly welcome, because it CHRISTIAN LIFE. 85 recalls the hour of ' consecration.' I rejoice with you ; for well do I know the emotions this anniver- sary calls forth. Cherish these feelings, dear sister ; and may the peace and happiness you have thus far enjoyed in the ' Christian struggle ' incite you to renewed earnestness ! Who would be dilatory in coming to the ' feast of love ' this afternoon, did they only know half the comfort we have enjoyed while thinking of a Saviour's love ? It seems to me a sweet foretaste of heaven. I feel this morning as if I could hardly restrain myself from crying aloud to all I see, ' Come, come, come ! Oh ! " taste and see that the Lord is good." Why thus delay ? It is not the righteous the Saviour calls, but sinners, to repentance.' Oh, L. ! my heart is full. I anticipate much to-day. I cannot allow thoughts or conversa- tion of this world to-day. No: God, my Saviour, heaven, and the future, are my themes. We are now in the sabbath school : let us be faithful to these young immortals. God bless your labors! Good- by! "Maria Elizabeth." "Aug. 6, 1848. " Dear Sister L., — I want to express, from a heart full of Christian joy, a few words to one of a kindred spirit. We have often taken sweet counsel 86 PORTRAIT OP A together as we have walked to and from the ' house of our Father.' How long we may be permitted to enjoy these seasons, we know not ; but of one thing we are sure, — that, when the veil which separates from the unseen and eternal shall for us be drawn aside, we shall enjoy a communion of spirit of which now we have but a foretaste. L., my desires have been quickened to-day. I am resolved from this moment to be more vigilant. When I examine m.yself, I am ready to cry out, ' Unclean ! ' and despondency and gloom would be my portion, were it not for the promises of Holy Wiit, * Wash, and be clean ; ' * Come unto me, ye who are weary and heavy-laden ; ' 'Go in peace ; ' &c. My feeling at this moment is that I would have no desire or will of my own, but be wholly absorbed in the divine will. At this instant, L., my soul would not dread to hear the voice which bids me render my account ; because I believe, that, through Jesus, my sins shall be blotted out from the book of remembrance. Oh the joy and peace in beheving ! * Lord, I believe : help thou my unbelief.' My thoughts dwell much upon the subject of our morning's discourse, — the manifestation of the Saviour to those who love him. Oh, may our hearts overflow in love ; and may we remember him in our every act ; and may our aim CHRISTIAN LIFE. 87 be higher and higher, and our motives purer and purer, until we shall be filled with the Spirit, and our spiritual eyes shall be so clear that we may see Him even while we are in the body ! I felt that I might open my heart again to sister L. " Yours in Christian love, " Maria Elizabeth." " I wonder I did not think you had made a mis- take, and given me the wrong bundle ; but I did not notice it was so large until I was untying.it. '^ Just like L.r I exclaimed, as soon as I saw that it con- tained a token of love. " I am at a loss for words to express my thanks for the very acceptable gift. You remind me of an indulgent parent who anticipates the smallest wish of a much-loved child. I intended to purchase these books very soon ; instead of which, an indulgent friend, who loves me more than I deserve, antici- pates the intention, and sends them to me. " Thank you, dear L. As I read them, the giver will be in my mind. Oh, what a rich feast are such books! Is it not delightful to commune with such spirits ? How few can be found in the flesh ! If we seek the society of such, they are to be found only among the departed. We will drink at the 88 PORTRAIT OP A same * Living Fountain/ and thus become of their number. " Oh, L., what would I give to feel that I was wholly Christ's ; that I had the strength to subdue these anxious fears that at times imbitter the sweet cup of life ! Well, this is my cross. I will not rest until I can feel like a little child, living only in the present hour. ' Now is the hour.' Didn't we have some solid food yesterday? Surely we don't feed upon husks : we ought to grow ; and we will. According to our faith we shall be made whole from these secret sins. I don't often open my secret heart to my friends; but it has always been pleasant to commune with you. None other knows the secret workings of my soul. Sympathy of spirit unites us to one common Father and Saviour. May we be drawn yet nearer, nearer, nearer ! " Keep up a good heart, L., in all your struggles after the inward life. When we are weak and faint- ing, the ' Good Shepherd ' will lead us by the still waters and green pastures. Our seasons of depres- sion and regret will give way to a bright day of sun- shine, which will seem brighter for the preceding darkness. "A happy and successful day to you in your schoolroom ! May your little charge and mine be so CHRISTIAN LIFE. 89 moulded by us, that we shall fit them not only for a higher school in this world, but be instruments of good to them for eternity ! God bless you ! " Yours in love, "Maria Elizabeth.'* 90 PORTRAIT OF A CHAPTER V. Justification by Faith, and its blessed Results. A STRIKING and instructive fact in Miss Clapp's experience was the marked transition which took place, at a somewhat advanced period of her religious course, from a state whose pre- dominant element was a scrupulous and exacting conscientiousness, to a condition of peace and joy through faith ; from the toil- some and fruitless endeavor after justification by working out a perfect righteousness, to the acceptance of justification through faith in the divine Redeemer. Her early religious life manifested itself chiefly in the form of conscientious obedience. Christianity influenced her principally through her sense of duty. Though her affections also were enlisted on behalf of her heavenly Father CHRISTIAN LIFE. 91 and her Saviour, and though her heart was neither cold nor reluctant towards spiritual things, yet it was evident that religion acted more powerfully upon her conscience than upon her heart. J^or six or eight years after her connection with the church, she could not throw off the burden of anxiety that constantly weighed upon her spirits, — a sense of inability to sa- tisfy entirely the demands of God's holy law. Though occasionally quite happy when she thought of the divine forgiveness and the gracious promises of Jesus, yet she could never enjoy any real freedom of spirit or true peace of mind, because she could not be con- scious of a perfect conformity in all things to the will and requirements of God. *' I have always had," she wrote during the period re- ferred to, " a very tender conscience. I could not be happy while I was sensible of any imper- fection. Deep has been my sorrow, and most severe my self-reproach, at the slightest devia- tion from duty. My prayers have ascended 92 PORTRAIT OF A for strength to do right ; but ever have I felt that something was wanting. When I have tried my best, I have failed ; and, because I have failed, have been unable to find rest. My religion, I am sensible, has been that of the conscience." It had indeed; and no one ever worked harder to satisfy conscience, or had a more sensitive conscience to goad to exertion. How scrupulous it was, any page of her diary would show. I will make only a single brief extract, partly to illustrate that change in her feelings which I desire to indicate, and partly also because it shows, by the acute grief she ex- perienced on account of a sing'le early fault, how free from faults her life must have been. " How true it is that conscience can never forget, and will never cease speaking ! "A falsehood I told when about twelve years old has haunted me ever since. For these many long years, it has dwelt upon my mind. I have often sought forgiveness for it of my heavenly CHBISTIAN LIFE. 93 Father, and have truly repented that I ever uttered it; but still the memory of it has ever disturbed me. Conscience seemed to say that something else remained to be done, — that I must make confession of the sin; but, abhorring, as I do, the sin, I dreaded the shame of having it known. And yet I always felt that it w-ust he known, if not in this world, in another; and I have brought before me that day when the secrets of the heart will be manifest, — when the book of remembrance will be opened. I have felt, too, that I ought to acknow- ledge and confess this sin while in this world, in order to prove to my own heart that I had truly repented. " To-night, at the table, before all my family, I have confessed it. Oh, what a relief! As soon as I had related it to them, the arrow that had been poisoning my peace of mind for so long a time was drawn out of my heart. " I now feel, that, should I be called this night to leave the world, I could trust unreservedly to my Saviour's love for forgiveness and acceptance." This was written in 1844 ; up to which time, and for two or three subsequent years, she appeared to have been constantly struggling 94 PORTRAIT OF A with an oppressive sense of unworthiness ; sometimes partially overcoming it, and cheered and revived by the hope of forgiveness, but never entirely at peace. But, gradually, the blessed sunshine of the brightest and dearest doctrine of the gospel was rising upon her mind and heart. At length it broke full upon her soul, and flooded her whole being, as it did that of Paul and of Luther ; as it always has and always will that of every true disciple of Jesus seeking after a perfect righteousness, when once it gains entrance into the heart, — flooded her whole nature with gladsome light. Contrast with what has just been read, and with her state of mind as it has been de- scribed, the following passage in her journal, written in 1848 : — " Thrice welcome, peaceful sabbath ! A new and delightful frame of mind has been mine to-day and recently ; caused, I doubt not, by conversations with my pastor upon a subject which for the last ten years has disturbed and oppressed my soul. I CHRISTIAN LIFE. 95 now no longer doubt the full and free forgiveness of every sin through penitence and faith in the Redeemer. The instant that sorrow is felt, and the acknowledgment made that I have sinned, I hear the gentle voice of Jesus say, * Go in peace, and sin no more.' I arise, and the burden falls from my heart ; and, though I have transgressed, I am happy ; though I am not perfect, I have a per- fect peace. " Strange that I have struggled so long with this load! An implicit faith in the free and abundant pardon of sin through a Redeemer has been the one thing wanting in my Christian character. I have dwelt upon my sins till they have seemed hke mountains. I have said, ' Father, forgive ; ' but have not realized that the promise is for myself. "Oh, what a new life has burst upon me! Ten years ago, I first partook of the bread and wine in commemoration of my Saviour. These years have indeed been happy, and increasing in joy to the last ; but, should my life be spared another ten, how differ- ent would be my joy ! Not a cloud of anxiety and distrust when I shall look up into my Redeemer's face ; for the true, the everlasting light has dawned at length upon my darkened mind. God has granted the prayer of my heart. The cloud has dispersed. 96 PORTRAIT OF A To-day all is bright. O ye emblems of a Saviour's love, how much more precious than ever do ye seem to me now ! " The sun which then rose upon her- life never again went down. From that period, all things were new to her. Those who knew her best marked and admired the change. Her whole religious movement became more free ; her countenance was illuminated with her inward joy. Its expression was still as quiet and calm as before ; but the soft veil of sadness which it had previously worn was ex- changed for as soft a mantle of peace. The subsequent pages of her diary are en- livened by a more cheerful and hopeful tone. '' Being justified by faith, she had peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ; by whom she had access by faith into that grace wherein she stood, and rejoiced in the hope of the glory of God." That this blessed condi- tion continued even to tlie close of her earthly life is evinced by the following records of her CHRISTIAN LIFE. 97 impressions on the two last anniversaries of her " Christian birthday : '\ — " May 27, 1865. "Just seventeen years to-day, I have been con- nected as a member with the church of Christ, — exactly half of my life. Oh, how precious have the last seventeen years been to me ! To what a blessed discipleship have I been called ! Every added year has made my Saviour more and more precious. The gloom and depression I felt in the first seven- teen years of my life, whenever convictions of sin came over me and I felt my nothingness, are seldom experienced now. I feel that I have consecrated myself to God ; that no righteousness of my own can save me. Christ is sufficient. * If any man sin, we have an Advocate with the Father.' — ' When I am weak, then am I strong.' "Oh, how different is the state of the Second Church now from what it was seventeen years since ! Then there were no young persons in the church to take me by the hand and welcome me to their sweet communion, or to kneel with me in prayer. Now, almost every communion-sabbath, the young are drawing near to their Redeemer by an in- ward consecration and the outward confession. O 7 98 PORTRAIT OF A heavenly Father, grant that more may come! for still there is room. Oh ! speak through me to others, that I may win souls to Christ, who has re- deemed me from the bondage and burden of sin, and has become my righteousness. Aid me this year to a deeper consecration. Let not sin have any power over me. In memory of Christ, I re- nounce it. Not willingly shall it have place in this heart: this temple shall not be defiled. O Holy Spirit, come and take possession of this heai't, and never leave it ! " " May 25, 1856. " This anniversary never was so welcome before. New and fresh gratitude to my Redeemer arises in my heart to-day. He has been with • me these eighteen years, drawing and winning me to a closer walk with God. O God ! accept the renewed con- secration of all I am and have to thy service. I have felt thy love in a crucified Saviour. In all my sins, I have felt that his blood alone could cleanse, and make me free. I have no righteous- ness of my own; and yet I am so happy in this precious faith in Christ ! This is the brightest an- niversary of the eighteen spent in seeking to be a disciple. Oh, how I love the hymn, 'Bring forth CHRISTIAN LIFE. 99 the royal diadem, and crown him Lord of all ' ! I would crown this exalted friend of sinners ; for he has washed us in his blood, and by him we have access to God. Oh that all would bow to him ! " 100 PORTRAIT OP A CHAPTER VL Sickness. Preparation for Departure. Last Hours. This brief sketch of a life which was itself too brief — as it seemed to those who saw its beauty, and felt its beneficent power ; but not too brief for its own joy, or for the best pur- poses of human existence — is drawing towards its close. A constitution as delicate as Miss Clapp's may, by careful cherishing and light labor, with frequent intervals of rest, be pre- served even to old age ; but it cannot last long in the service of a spirit so active, so self- devoted, so earnestly laborious, as hers. She would not have considered it to be living to have eked out her mortal existence by a selfish consultation for her physical comfort; to nurse and tend her body till the very last moment that the frail machine might have CHRISTIAN LIFE. 101 strength to perform the simple functions of animal life. She could not weigh a few days of earthly continuance against the neglect of any opportunity to serve God or benefit man- kind. The great question with her was, how well can I live, not how comfortably ; how use- fully, not how long. She had caught the spirit of Christ's sublime saying, " He that loveth his life shall lose it ; but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall find it, and shall keep it unto the life eternal." I do not mean that she was reckless or presumptu- ous in exposing her health : she used all care for its preservation which was consistent with higher considerations. But there was some- thing which she valued and loved more than life, — the high satisfaction of doing good; the profound joy of being true to the claims of religion and humanity ; the undefiled honor of faithfulness to the calls of duty ; the deli- cious happiness of disinterested devotion to the kingdom of Christ. Her health for several years gave signs of 102 PORTRAIT OP A failure : it was breaking down under the con- stant labors which she loved. Her friends perceived the painful truth, and endeavored to persuade her to relinquish her Sunday school or her day school. She listened to them kindly, but could not realize that the case was as urgent as they supposed, — could not be convinced or persuaded that it was her duty to throw aside the instruments of useful- ness which she had taken up for the service of her heavenly Master. " If I could only hear his voice saying in my heart, ' It is your duty, it is my will,' I would instantly give up my charge, and unbind my girdle. But I do not hear it. These children, his lambs, call upon me to feed them; his voice seems to call me in their sweet and inviting tones." She con- tinued at her work, almost forgetting that she was growing weaker and weaker, till at length her strength fairly gave out, and, from abso- lute inability, she was compelled to retire from the -field, and lie down, exhausted, to rest. This was in the early part of the spring of CHRISTIAN LIFE. 103 the last year (1857). For several weeks, she supposed that she might recover; though she was aware that such a result was uncertain. During this earlier portion of her last illness, she entered in her journal such reflections as these : — "I feel the approach of sickness. I would meditate upon immortality, — upon the undying spirit and the unfading home. It may be but a. Httle while before niy soul may have ceased its connection with earth and time. What are its pro- spects for eternity ? What is its preparation to pass onward? Am I ready to yield it up to Him who bade it live ? Should not the Christian be ever ready to go to the Father, — to the Saviour who has prepared mansions of rest, and is ready to re- ceive his disciples to the holy and beautiful place where they may be for ever with himself? I am conscious of having much, very much, to attract me to earth, — a pleasant home, indulgent parents, sym- pathizing friends, dear Christian companions, earthly goods enough for present needs ; and my daily duties as teacher, too, are full of pleasure and interest. Say, then, my soul, art thou ready to part with these ; to bid adieu to all familiar scenes, to all the 104 PORinAIT OP A charms of visible nature, and enter into the unseen state, beyond and through the shaded valley of death? My Father, I leave all to thee. When thou shalt bid, may I say, * My Father ^alls : let me obey ; let me arise, and go with quiet quickness. Yea, though I pass through the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.'" " The last few weeks, 1 have been confined to my room with severe illness, unable to see any one. Now I am slowly recovering, and find myself at times almost impatient to be engaged in the active duties of life. Not that I am weary of the sick- room ; far from it. I have received every at- tention, — every kindness from earth and Heaven. Scarcely a day without some little love-ofFering from human friends, and not a day without good and perfect gifts from the Father of lights. These things make me very grateful, very happy, and also cause a deep sympathy in my heart towards those who are on beds of pain, and who are not com- forted by those kindly attentions so pleasant to the sick. I know of such, and have thought much of them. " And then, too, what a precious time for thought ! The past, the present, and the future all pass before CHRISTIAN LIFE. 105 the mind. The soul is brought to view itself in the true light. It feels the solemn interest of life ; it feels a nearness to God ; it rests on his strong and gentle arm; it quiets itself through trust in him, as a little child, tired and trembling, leans on its mother. Its desires for earthly pleasures fail: it has no spirits for them, no appetite for what the healthy delight in. It loathes noise and excitement, and the pomp and vanity of the world. It turns with longing towards the pure and calm glories of eternity. Not that I am tired of this bright and beautiful world which God has made, of nature, and of my friends. Oh, no ! But in these precious seasons of communing, alone with my own heart, upon my bed, in stillness, away from the distracting cares which in the hours of health are too often allowed to darken the spiritual vision, there is such peace, such pure and deep delighi, as I fain would cherish, and never part with." At about the same period, she wrote a few- letters, in pencil, to some of her most intimate friends. ^^Dear L., — This is the fourth sabbath that I have been confined at home, away from my beloved 106 PORTRAIT OF A church ; but, though I long to go when the morning bell rings, the hours of solitude in my sick-room have been sweet I have fully realized that our heavenly Father is not confined to any earthly temple ; that we can make, by his gracious aid, our own hearts a fit residence for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. I feel that I have not been absent from him because unable to be present in his earthly courts. The worship which he accepts is not that of the lip merely, but that of the heart. He is in secret ; he heareth in secret ; he is worshipped in spirit; he is everywhere. * Where can I go from thee, All-present Deity? But why should I depart? 'Tis safety where thou art. And could one spot thy being hold, I, poor and vain and weak, That sacred spot would seek, And dwell within the shelter of thy fold.' " You remember the last time I saw you, when we parted after having visited those poor friends in Ann Street. Do you recollect I said that I did not feel very well, and that visiting such places worked upon my feelings, sometimes so much as to take away my strength? That very afternoon, I was quite ill. I tried to read, but could not fix my CHRISTIAN LIFE. 107 attention. I then thought I would call upon for a religious conversation, but did not find him at home. The next day was Sunday. I had not slept during the night ; but I arose in the morning, intend- ing to go to church, though not to the Sunday school. I was prevailed upon to remain at home. In the afternoon, as it was communion-day, I thought I would ride; but found myself, at the last moment, too sick even to get ready. Then I really felt sad. After a moment's reflection, however, I asked my- self the question, Why this sadness? Ought not gratitude to fill my heart that I have for so many years enjoyed, almost without interruption, that holy season? Yes, yes, precious indeed is the memory of that feast of love ! Gratitude shall fill my heart. Away, all sadness ! away^ ' When all thy mercies, 0^ My rising soul surve Transported with the v In wonder, love, and " And now, dear L., I hope you time to-day where I cannot be. Give my love to my class; and tell them, when the first bell rings, my thoughts will fly to them, and my spirit hover around their httle group. '^What is our life? If I am again engaged in 108 PORTRAIT OF A its active dutie3, when my health returns, I trust all my powers of body and mind will be devoted more faithfully to my God. My one desire is to live nearer to him, and only to live in him and by him and for him. " It is the first time I have written. «Good-by! M." "Very grateful do I feel to you, dear H., for bringing me such a beautiful bouquet to cheer and bless me in these hours of retirement from active duties. Children and flowers are to me the most attractive and lovely objects in the world. Deprived by this illness of being in the midst of the former^ and from trying to make them more beautiful by the influences which God always places in the teacher's power, I have had bouquet after bouquet sent to me from the members of our Sunday school, so that my eyes have been resting upon the latter while my thoughts have been associating them with you all. I do not know enough of flowers to cultivate them ; but all these do not need cultivation: they have arrived at their perfection ; and I may admire their beauty, and enjoy their fragrance. Soon each flower, now so attractive, must droop and die. Don't you wish, sometimes, they would live for ever.^ It is CHRISTIAN UFE. 109 well that things we love should not : I am afraid we should cling too strongly to them. But God, in great love for us, takes one and another comfort or object of desire from us, that he may bring us still nearer to himself. " Sickness, — what a mysterious messenger it is ! How we dread its approach ! And yet, when it has come to us, we see it was the very discipline we needed. Oh ! it seems to me, when I am free from its bonds, I must enter into active life again with a purer and holier purpose. This life is short, — how very short to some ! hoio short to that pure spirit we have just parted from (F.) ! But the life she now enjoys is everlasting life. Oh wondrous thought, that she is still, with a clearer light, doing the will of God! I seem to see her, with her lovely coun- tenance and those expressive eyes, — still more beautiful than ever in her spiritual body, — a mini- stering angel. I have thought how much your cousin F., who has been sick so long, must have been deprived of; and yet I dare say she would not have it otherwise, because it is the will of God, who always gives the grace to bear. I send her my sympathizing love. Tell her, / have only tasted of sickness, and the prospect before me is of gradual recovery; yet I will not depend upon it until the 110 PORTRAIT OF A cough is removed. I sometimes think I can go to my labors as usual, I am so bright some days ; and then comes a season of weakness, and I feel that a long rest must intervene. . . . Good-night ! «M. E. C." " April 25, 1857. - " My dear, dear Annie, — My heart is too full for utterance; but, oh! I must offer my heartfelt sympathy to you. Our darling F. has obeyed the call to enter one of those mansions prepared by her blessed Saviour, whom she loved, and whose disciple she was while in the body. One more sweet spirit to welcome us when our turn comes. "I commend you in this trying hour to Jesus. Lean, dear one, your bleeding heart upon him. He has promised to be with you in trouble ; yea, even in the dark valley of the shadow of death. He is there. I feel that I have lost a very dear friend, she was so near to me in Christian sympathy ; but, oh ! rejoice in her upward flight : she is happy. Her faith in Jesus as the Redeemer, her all-sufficient friend ; her earnest desire always to please God ; and the fact that she consecrated herself to the service of God, — make me think of her as still living, not dead ; no, no ! F. is rejoicing in a neafer, a more CHRISTIAN LIFE. Ill intimate communion with all the departed who have fallen asleep in Jesus. I must think of her as even now sitting at the feet of Jesus, still learning more and more of her heavenly Father's will. Let us say, * Father, not our will, but thine, be done.' '' Peace be with you and your loved ones ! " Yours truly, " Maria E. Clapp." " Tuesday, June 16, 1857. "Dear A., — I thank you for the Memoir you sent me. I shall have a feast in reading it when I recover, if it is the will of God that I shall get well. I thank you, too, for your offer to come and read to me ; but I have to be very quiet, and Dr. W. wishes me to see as few of my friends as possible. So, A., I have to deny myself the sight of those I love. Pray for me, dear one, that I may be submissive and resigned. I have thought much of our dear F. T perhaps I shall see her in those heavenly man- sions before many months pass on. But we know not the hour when our Father will call. I wait his time. Jesus has promised to be with us always ; so I lay my head on his arm, and feel safe. Oh, A., at the near prospect of death, how we feel our entire emptiness! and how precious is the thought of 112 PORTRAIT OP A Christ's mediation and love ! Oh ! I want to think of the great love of God to us, sinners. I feel safe, because Jesus says, * Him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.' (I come to thee, my dear Redeemer : oh ! receive my soul at last.) I wish to write more to you; but I am already too much fatigued by writing this. " God bless and comfort you, and draw you closer, through all your trials, to him ! " Yours affectionately, Maria E. C." " My kind Friend Mr. F., — I was in hopes to sit with your class and my own dear girls, and enjoy the influence of those sweet sabbath-morning talks for a longer period ; but, the last few days, I have not been quite so well, which made me feel I had better send for a physician, as I wished to know if my lungs were diseased. I sent for Dr. W., who told me, after the examination, that he thought the difficulty might possibly be remedied if I rested from my school and sabbath labors for a season. I asked him if I could return to them in the fall. He seemed to think, with mother, that I was looking ahead too far ; and said, that, when the time came, he would know better ; but, for the present, I must not even attend church till it was warm enough to have CHRISTIAN LIFE. 113 doors and windows open. The first time he called, he said, ' You must keep out in the open air, and take a walk every pleasant day.' I thought, of course, it would be delightful to take a morning walk to our vestry; but, this morning, he says no to that: and now I have resolved to give up these delightful occupations, that I may, if our heavenly Father wills it, recover my health. For a long time my parents and friends have said to me, ' Maria, why don't you give up this and that occupation? Rest a while.' But my reply has been, ' I am not sick : I know I am not quite well ; but I have no need of a physician.' Oh, how many are spiritually just in this condition ! and they say, ' I am not conscious that I am sick ; ' or, ' I know I am not quite well ; but I have, at pre- sent, no need of a physician.' But how true, (isn't it, Mr. F. ?) that, the very instant the soul does realize its sinfulness, it turns to the heavenly Physician for relief ! But this must be with faith. Oh that more and more may be imparted to us and to others of this precious faith in Jesus! "Adieu, then, for a season, to our dear sabbath school, and my own loved class, and the rich enjoy- ment of the house of prayer ! I have still hope that I may teach in the fall : till then, will you keep my class? 114 PORTRAIT OP A " ' Make me submissive to thy will, and I will ask no more,' I keep repeating to myself. Love to all the class. " Very respectfully, "Maria E. Clapp." " Dear Miss B., — You have added a great deal to my comfort and pleasure by sending to me this book,* so full of rich thoughts and suggestions. I so dearly love hymns and sacred poetry, that I have actually feasted upon these. Many of them are in my own book of hymns, — my favorite ones too. I must get a copy as soon as I recover: once reading them increases the appetite for more. Thank you very kindly, too, for copying the hymn, ' What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee.' I keep it near me that I may often read it. The soul that stays itself on God, either in- life or death, has perfect peace. How much we need this blessed support ! And, oh, really to feel this entire dependence, to lie wholly in the arms of Christ, — feeble, helpless, weak, sin- ful as we are, — what a privilege ! Do we not long to love him more and more? How many during this anniversary-week have perhaps had their afFec- • " The Harp and the Cross." CHEISTIAN LIFE. 115 tions awakened towards him at the devotional meetings! and how many souls have been roused to say, * I will do more for this and that cause of cha- rity ' ! Well, I, too, have been with you all, in spirit, and enjoyed with you every sign of the increase of spiritual good over worldliness. Life, this life, appears so much greater to me than before, so full of intense interest, so filled with the loving presence of God! The dear little martins in our neighbor's yard seem to praise him with their whole hearts with a deeper earnestness than ever; the trees and buds and flowers continually say to me, * Praise him! praise him!* But you will think it strange that I should express these feelings to you, with whom I have had so little conversation. But no matter : I feel your Christian spirit, and so am at home with you. God bless you ! " I have not felt so well for four or five days ; and Dr. W. is unwilling I should attend church Sunday afternoon, as I have been expecting to. I feel more willing to bear this privation than I thought I should. "With regard, Maria E. C." " Dear Miss B., — I can but faintly express to you the gratitude I feel for these dear good hymns. Just exactly are they the breathings of my spirit ; 116 PORTilAlT OP A and they have come to me at the time when I am thinking a good deal of passing on to the spirit- world, and I wish to have just such hymns in my mind all the time. Any thing that will bring me * nearer to God ' I crave. O ! it is my con- stant prayer, ^ Jesus, I have need of thee.' And then I seem to hear his voice saying, ^ Iioill come to thee.' Yes, and he will ' tarry with me.' I know and I believe, therefore I will trust. " Yes, I do think much of our Sunday school ; and, at the hour for commencing, I have retired alone, and, in spirit, visited each class, and have prayed for each teacher separately, calling you all by name, as I presented the petition to 'our Father,' that his richest spiritual gifts might at that time rest upon you, and that the dear ones who encircled you might have their hearts drawn nearer and closer to the dear Redeemer. No ; my work is not yet done, and will not be, should God think it best to confine me to the sick-room even for years. He is good, and always gives us something to do or bear. " I have been very ill tlie last four or five days, and I think it is doubtful if I recover. Still I have hope ; for this disease is so changejible. But I don't want to have much thought about it : I do not feel anxious. I know God's time is best. I wait. CHRISTIAN LIFE. 117 " I frequently see you as you pass to and from your school, with your pleasant smile upon your countenance ; and I think there must be the joy of the Christian's spirit within. May it ever abide with you, and may God bless you, is the prayer of "MariaE. C. "P. S. — I love to have my friends write to me, because I can read better than I can talk ; it don't require so much strength : and I can stop, too, in the middle of a sentence, and rest. And, then, it is the next best thing to seeing them." Miss Clapp remained in the state of uncer- tainty indicated in these letters, with regard to the issue of her disease, till near the close of May, 1857. In the course of a visit during that month, when, though very feeble, she was still able to receive me in the parlor, she spoke of the condition of suspense in which she had been living for a few weeks ; remark- ing that it was not conducive to perfect peace of mind, because she could not be entirely satisfied whether it was her duty to put away all hopes of any further usefulness on earth. il8 PORTRAIT OP A and give up to the sickness as fatal, or to struggle against it, and try to keep about a little longer ; and asked my opinion as to the conclusion to which she ought to bring her mind, and the course which, as a Christian, it became her to adopt. Being convinced, from a conversation with her physician, that she could not recover, I replied, that I thought it her duty to relieve herself at once of all suspense, — not to continue any longer in a state of disturbance, — not to allow her soul to be deprived of the enjoyment of entire peace, even for an hour. I told her that the way to be perfectly at rest was to give up herself without reserve to God, as if she were sure that it was his will to take her home to himself, — to resign herself, being now too weak to work, or even to think of working, wholly to him, whether for a longer stay on earth or for an early departure, — to lie down at once on his arm, and rest there, and there only, leaving the event with him. *' Lie down," I said, " and repose ; because it is all CHRISTIAN LIFE. Il9 you can do now ; not asking how long you are to repose, whether for a few days, or for eternity. When you do thus stay your- self on God, all suspense will depart, and perfect peace return and dwell in your heart." Her reply instantly was, " That is my duty : I see it clearly. I am so glad to have my doubt settled ! And what a blessed duty it is ! I begin even now to have a fore- taste of the rich feast I am to enjoy. I will try." She did try, and with perfect success. She never thought or spoke, afterwards, with the least concern about the issue of her disease. She gave herself no anxiety about recovering or dying : she was content to be living for the present in God, — a sweet life, without refer- ence to time, and above the apprehension of death. A few days after this interview, as had been anticipated, she became so feeble as to be con- fined to her chamber. When she entered it, with the expectation of never leaving it again, 120 PORTRAIT OF A she said to lier mother, " Now, dear mother, this chamber must be consecrated to God. Nothing must be thought or felt or said here that will not please him. We must not let him see any gloom, or hear any murmurs. We must feel that his presence is here ; that he loves us, and does every thing for our best good." It was a sacred purpose, a beautiful ex- pression of filial trust and love. And it was fulfilled. For nearly three months, his pre- sence was manifested there day and night, and nothing was allowed that would grieve the Holy Spirit. How was this accomplished, — this result, so seldom seen on earth ? It was accomplislied through an entire and loving faith in the Redeemer. It was not through her own strength, — oh! no, — that she re- peatedly and most emphatically declared : she did it through Christ, who was with her, sweetening and strengthening her nature. She kept near to the Saviour, — close, ever closer, to him. " He is sufficient for me," she CHRISTIAN LIFE. 121 repeated over and over. " I lean upon his bosom ; his arm is round my neck ; I hear his voice in my heart ; he whispers, ' Be of good cheer, I am with thee ; ' he instils peace into my soul ; he is mine, and I am his ; he is ful- filling his promises to me and within me, as lie said he would to every one who would im- plicitly confide in him." I visited her nearly every day during the period just referred to, and every day heard such words as those, — never an accent which was not in entire harmony with them. As I sat by her side, reading selections from the Bible, or conversing of the believer's rest, I always felt as if there were present not only we two, but the Saviour himself also, as a third. She was so near to him, and his presence was so clearly manifested to her and through her, that I also felt his nearness. At every interview, we read and talked over some of his last words to his disciples, dwell- ing upon such as were most applicable to her condition. They never before had such mean- 122 PORTRAIT OP A ing and power. They seemed to come fresh from his own lips, warm from liis own heart. She called upon Jesus as upon one very near, — sometimes audibly ; but more fre- quently, as she told me, in silence. If, at any time, she was severely distressed, and her pa- tience was beginning to fail, she would turn to him, and say, " Dear Saviour, help me to endure quietly." Whatever she wanted of spiritual strength she asked him for, with as much simplicity of trust as she asked her mother to smooth her pillow or moisten her lips. She never had a doubt of his pre- sence and help, nor was troubled with any question as to the propriety of calling upon him. She felt that he was so near, she rested on him with such childlike confidence, and loved him with such a perfect love, that there was no room in her heart for any such doubts or speculations. A few letters which she wrote with a pencil, while propped on pillows for the purpose, shortly before her decease, will give a better CHRISTIAN LIFE. 123 impression of her feelings than any description of mine. The first two are to her intimate friend L. ; the third is to a valued member of the Second Church, and an experienced teacher in the sabbath school connected with it, Avhose visits to Miss Clapp during her sickness were frequent, and of great comfort to her ; the fourth is to the Sunday-school teachers and children ; the last was to an absent sister. " Dear L., — A few days since, I thought I was on the eve of departure to the spirit- world ; but my time had not come. God wishes me to wait, and perhaps suffer still more, before he permits the spirit to leave the clay. I told Dr. W what I thought, and he said he thought the issue of my disease would not be immediately. 'Then,' said I, ' I may see and again ? ' — 'I think so,' he said. I now think I may continue perhaps a month or two: but I am not depending on it, dar- hng L. ; I am hving by the day. I am almost entirely helpless ; my bones are sore ; I have no ap- petite ; and I am not able to turn myself in bed. I am sitting up to-day, feeling comfortable, and looking much more as I used to. My faith and trust 124 PORTRAIT OF A are strong in Him in whom I trust. I am happy and peaceful : I have not a doubt or fear. I am a little child, nestling under the protecting feathers of the wings of the Almighty, my head resting on the bosom of Jesus. I am exhausted. You know all I would say. I have suffered pain even from writing this. « Maria." " Dear L., — I do not think that I am quite well enough to see my friends to day ; so 1 have refused all, except those who have not called before. There is an excitement in seeing as well as talking^ which reveals to me how very weak I must be. I have your beautiful flowers opposite my bed : they speak to me of my heavenly Father's love, and of your disinterested affection for me. My longing prayer last night was, * My Saviour, I have need of thee ; * and then those blessed words, * / will come to thee^ lingered in my ear, and I had peace. I need this sickness to purify me from much inward imperfec- tion ; but Mr. R so quietly lifted me above self, and drew me so near to Christ, that, when he talks to me, I see only the love of Christ for me ; and I think I won't look within so much, but upward more. " Yours affectionately, "Maria." CHRISTIAN LIFE. 125 "Mt dear, good Friend, Mr. F,, — I wish to say a few words through you to the young, who, I well know, will always be gathered around you till * our Father ' calls you home. " My young sisters, it is only a very few words I feel that I have strength to write you. I am dying. Oh, no ! — I mean my body is dying : my spirit, my soul, cannot die. I wish to tell you what peace and comfort Jesus, the dear Redeemer, can give, when all earthly things are passing away. He is very precious to me. I feel as if his dear arm was around me, and my head resting on his bosom. The Bible is full of his sweet promises of love. I am going to be with Christ: he has promised that I shall be with him. Do you not desire to have such a friend, such a dear Saviour to bless you, when your head shall be placed on a dying pillow? "Would you dare to die without resting on Christ? Ah, no! Let me tell you, my young sisters, the hour of sickness is not the time to prepare to die. And how sad and painful it would be to give your heart to Christ only at the moment when really it is not in your power to give it to the world ! A poor offering it would be. You are now in the bloom of health and youth : oh ! come now, each of you, and resolve, 'As for me, I will serve God, 126 PORTRAIT OF A and come to him, through the Saviour ; I will give him now all I have to give, — which is a poor, sin- ful, erring heart, — and ask him to cleanse it, and fill it with his Holy Spirit. I will come because Christ bids me come.' He invites you indeed. And, to express my love to him, I would say, — the last opportunity I have to speak to the young, — ' Think of it as coming from a dying voice : oh, now come ! * " Yours affectionately, " M. E. c: "Dear Ones of the Hancock Sunday School. " I wish with this pencil (for I do not feel able to use a pen with any comfort) to say to you, one and all, Good'hy ! I am going to be with Jesus ; to be carried by him to those heavenly mansions which he promised, in that comforting fourteenth chapter of John, to all who will believe. I wish to express to you the peace and comfort, the calm quiet, I feel in placing my head upon his sacred breast. "I have not one fear or doubt: all is bright. Rejoice with me ; for you cannot realize how utterly unworthy I feel to take even the crums that fall from my Master's table : and yet, through faith and trust, I know that I, even I, shall sit at the marriage- supper of the Lamb in his heavenly kingdom. CHRISTIAN LIFE. 127 ^^ Sisters and Brothers, Fellow- Teachers, — Draw all your affections closer and closer to Christ ; feed upon him ; and the circles around you each sabbath must be drawn to him, and love him too. Oh, pray much for them and with them ! I consider your labors are like the faithful pastor's, always watching to lead these dear ones out of self and worldliness to the Shepherd of souls. Be not discouraged if they do not turn when you would have them. Sow the seed in faith : it will spring up. " Members of the Bible-classes, and dear children of the school I love, good-by ! God bless you, and incline you early to seek him ! You are sinful if you consent to turn from Him who says, ' They who seek me early shall find me.' Ah ! some, yes, many of you have found Jesus : will you not all come to him? He is inviting you now through me. Will you not commence a new life, and consecrate your- selves to Je^us, your best friend, who loves you so much that he is standing at the door of even the youngest heart to see if you will let him in ? I feel that I am dying, my dear children. This is the last thing I can do for Christ, — to say, with all my powers. Gome, come 1 The more sinful and unwor- thy you feel yourselves, the stronger is the reason that you should come. And you who have in humi- 128 PORTRAIT OF A lity knelt at his feet, draw closer, closer to him ; and bring — for it is in your power — some one else to him. " I cannot speak to you, my own dear class, before others. You know all that is in my mind, and my earnest longings concerning you. If my strength holds out, I shall write you; but I am obliged to rest frequently while holding the pen now. * " Thank you, teachers, for your attentions to me during my illness ; for all those beautiful bouquets you showered upon me ; for the delightful hymns, speaking of Jesus, you sent me ; for your words of kindness, and your Christian deeds of love ; but most for your prayers with and for me. Farewell for a little while ! " Most affectionately, "Maria E. Clapp." " My dear Sister L., — Little did we think we should see each other no more on earth ! But do not feel too much gi'ieved. I am very happy, and have no fear ; for I am going only into another of God's rooms. You cannot see me now ; yet you heUeve I live. Well, I shall still live, all free from pain, and shall be so near to Jesus, who makes me willing to go. I want you to rejoice, after your first CHRISTIAN LIFE. 129 grief is over, that I have passed through the strug- gle all must sooner or later come to. I have had every comfort that can be thought of, almost ; and then I have all the precious promises of the Bible, of Jesus' own dear words, to sustain me ; so that I have only to lay my head upon the bosom of Jesus, and I have peace and rest." In such a state of mind as I have endeavored briefly to describe, and as her own words, bearing the stamp of simple truth, more clearly reveal, Miss Clapp continued to the end. During all her sickness, her faith never wavered, her patience never drooped ; her love grew warmer, and the peace of God flowed into her soul with an ever-increasing tide. We saw not, in her case, the end of earth, but the beginning of heaven. It was not a decaying body which we noticed, but a rising spirit; not the painful putting-off" of this mortal clothing, but the putting-on of the shining robes of immortality. Of many holy and beautiful things which were seen and heard in her chamber I must 9 130 PORTRAIT OF A not speak. The most beautiful expressions of such a saintly spirit are too sacred to be ex- posed, too delicate to be clothed in words. I will only raise the curtain so far and so long as may allow a few sunset rays of a Christian life to stream forth to illustrate the peaceful triumph of faith, and spread the glory of the Redeemer. On one occasion, as I entered her chamber, she said to me, " I have been a little troubled since you were here : and I must tell you all about it ; for I wish you to know every thing that passes in my mind. I am almost afraid I gave my Saviour reason to be displeased with me for a little while. You will tell me how far I was wrong, and whether I have done all I could. Last night, while my kind nurse was applying a bath of herbs to relieve the sore- ness of my limbs, I realized for the first time how emaciated they were. For a moment I was overcome : my thoughts were drawn down to my poor, suffering body, and I began to weep in pity for it. But I instantly thought, CHRISTIAN LIFE. 131 How wrong it is to feel so ! I was frightened to find such weakness still in my heart. I turned to my Saviour, and said, 'Dear Sa- viour, I thought I had given thee all; but I am afraid I had not. I gave thee my soul; but I forgot to give thee my poor body, I give that to thee now: let it waste away or suffer ; let it be dealt with just as God wills.' As soon as I had said this, he took away the weakness ; and I think of the body no more." A short time before her death, she placed in the hands of her friend, Mr. F., a sealed pack- age, saying that he would know what to do with it. It was found to contain six or seven envelopes, enclosing each a small sum of money, directed to as many different chari- table societies, to be given to them after her decease, without mention of the name of the donor. After it had been given to him, she sent for him again, and handed him a single envelope, with a remark like this, — " There is still another charity which I would 132 PORTRAIT OF A not forget ; for a Christian's thoughts spread widely over the world as he is leaving it, and his love would embrace all." It was addressed " To Foreign Missions." On the sabbath morning, the 9th of Au- gust, being extremely weak, and in much pain, she supposed that her hour had come. She called her father and mother to her bed- side, and with thanks to them for their kindness, and the invocation of a blessing upon them, gave them brief messages for all the members of the family. The words she spoke were written down immediately after. They were, in part, as follows: — "Mother, what a beautiful thing it would be to die on this resurrection sabbath morning! — to lie down low at the feet of Jesus ! When shall I drink of the * living waters ' ? Dear Jesus, I am ready, if thou wilt call me home. " Tell that my faith in my living Redeemer was strong to the last. "Tell to come to Christ: I will intercede for him at the throne. CHRISTIAN LIFE, 133 " Give my love to dear , and tell her to keep ever at the feet of Jesus, and bring up her children in his love. " Tell that Jesus calls him, and asks him to bring up his little ones in his nurture. " Tell to cling to the cross of Christ. " Bid all good-by for me. I am happy. God bless you all ! " The sabbath passed by, repeating its prime- val promise to the children of God ; but her soul was not yet permitted to " enter into that rest." She lingered, languishing and suf- fering, but still at peace through faith, till the following Thursday, Aug. 13, when the blessed hour of release came. Again she breathed her adieus, but faintly and still more faintly. Her father's ear, drawn by a sign close to her lips, heard this whisper, as from a retreating voice already far distant, " My last request : Engrave on my tombstone, ' Asleep IN Jesus.' " They were her last words. A smile of more than mortal beauty spread 134 PORTRAIT OP A CHRISTIAN LIFE. over her face as she uttered them. The smile remained ; but the spirit, whose love and peace it expressed, had gone home to God. TN the Cemetery at Mount Auburn, on Walnut Avenue, at the junction of Orange and Trefoil Paths, may be seen a drapery tablet, which bears the following inscription : — DEPAETED THIS LIFE, ATJQXTST 13, 1857; Aged 36. "asleep in JESUS." so 2-/ UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY