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 C. K. OGDEN
 
 THE 
 
 MAN OF THE WORLD. 
 
 LOVE A LA MODE.
 
 THE 
 
 MAN OF THE WORLD. 
 
 COMEDY. 
 
 BY 
 
 MR. CHARLES MACKLIN. 
 
 AS PERFORMED AT THE 
 
 THEATRES-ROYAL, DRURT-LANE AND COVENT-GARDEN. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED BV J. BELL, BOOKSHLLER TO HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 
 
 THE PRINCE OF WAL1£3, 
 
 AT THE BRITISH LIBRARY, STRAND. 
 
 M D CCXCllI
 
 
 SUBSCRIBERS 
 
 TO 
 
 MR. MACKLIN's TWO PLATS. 
 
 His Royal Highness the PRINCE of WALES, Tiventy-Fi-ve Guineas. 
 His Royal Highness the DUKE of YORK, Twenty-Fi've Quineas, 
 
 Their Royal Highnesses Donation 52 
 
 Abdy, Rev. James 
 Abingdon, Earl of 
 Abingdon, Mrs. 
 
 Aickin, Mr. Francis, D?-ar)'-/<iw7'Z'M/« 
 Aislabie, Rawson, Esq. 
 Akerman, Richard, Esq. 
 Alchorne, Mr. Little Trinity-lane 
 Ambrosse, Mrs. 
 -, Miss 
 
 — — , Rev. Mr. 
 
 Ancaster, Duke of 
 
 Andrews, Miles Peter,Esq. Gewer-st. 
 
 Andrews, Sir Josepli 
 
 Andrews, Edward, Esq. 
 
 Angerstein, J. J. Esq. Pall-mall 
 
 Aniicsley, Hon. Ricliard 
 
 Anstruther, Hon. ^— , Bath 
 
 Aatrobus, Philip, Esq. Craiien-street 
 
 Anlrobus, Mr. Edmund 
 
 Ardesoif, Stephen, Esq. 
 
 Arnold, William, Esq. King' s- square 
 
 Arthington, Thomas, Esq. 
 
 Ascough, G. M, Esq. 
 
 Ashwell, Mr. Old-jeuury 
 
 Ashley, Mr. J. 
 
 Ash, Dr. 
 
 Ashe, Trever Lloyd, Esq. 
 
 Ashburton, Lord 
 
 Atkinson, William, Esq. Pall-mall 
 
 Attorney General 
 
 Audley, Rt. Hon. Lord 2 
 
 Axtell, William, Esq. I 
 
 s. d. 
 
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 Baddely, Mr. Drury-lane Theatre 
 
 Bagwell, John, Esq. 
 
 Baker, Sir George 
 
 B illiii. Miss Rosetta, Prescot-street 
 
 Bangham, T. Esq. 
 
 Banks, Sir Joseph, Bart. 
 
 Carried forvj. 108 30 
 
 £ 
 
 /. d. 
 
 Brought forijo. loi 
 
 3 
 
 Bannister,Mr. ]un. Drury-lane Theatre 2 
 
 2 
 
 Banyer, Mr. L. Beciingham I 
 
 I 
 
 Barker, Richard, Esq. 1 
 
 1 
 
 Barry, Richard, Esq. 1 
 
 I 
 
 iJarlow, Edward, Esq. 1 
 
 1 
 
 Baring, Francis, Esq. 5 
 
 S 
 
 Baronncau, Francis, Esq. Ne-iv-lodge 1 
 
 I 
 
 Barry, Redmond, Esq. Batl> 
 
 I 
 
 Barrington, Iloii. Daines j 
 
 I 
 
 Barrington, Admiral i 
 
 I o 
 
 Banvell, N. Esq. 
 
 1 I 
 
 Basset, Sir F. Bart. M. P. ( 
 
 3 6 
 
 Basset, Lady 
 
 1 I 
 
 ,Miss 
 
 1 I 
 
 Bath, Colonel 
 
 1 I 
 
 Batson, Mr. 
 
 I I 
 
 Batt, T. T. Esq. 
 
 I I 
 
 Bayntun, Sir Edward 
 
 I I 
 
 Beachcroft, S. Esq. 
 
 I I 
 
 Bearcroft, Edward, Esq. 
 
 1 I 
 
 Beardsworth, Mr. 
 
 I I 
 
 Beard, Mr. Devonshire House 
 
 I 1 
 
 Beauclerc, Hon. Miss Charlotte 
 
 I I 
 
 Beaumont, Sir George, Bart. 
 
 S 5 
 
 Bedford, His Grace the Duke of K 
 
 J 10 
 
 Bellew, Colonel 
 
 I 1 
 
 Bellesworth, Mr. 
 
 I t 
 
 Bennet, Hon. Lieut. Col. 
 
 I I 
 
 Bennet, Mr. Pall-Mall 
 
 I I 
 
 Benn, Mr. Threadneedle-street 
 
 I I 
 
 Berwick, Rev. Mr. 
 
 1 I 
 
 Beresford, Rt. Hon. John 
 
 I I 
 
 Bertie, Colonel 
 
 I I 
 
 Bigg, John, Esq. 
 
 I I 
 
 Biggar, Mr. Charles 
 
 I 1 
 
 Bishop, Mr. Charles, £>9i.7on' Commons 
 
 I I 
 
 Bish, Mr. 
 
 I I 
 
 Bird, Mr. W, 
 
 I I 
 
 Bird, Joseph, Esq. Ccck.bill 
 
 I I 
 
 Blake, Mr. 
 
 1 1 
 
 Blake, Arthur, Esq. 
 
 I I 
 
 Carried forvi.. 175 70 

 
 3UBSCRIBRRS TO MR. 
 /: J. d. 
 
 7 
 
 MACKLIK S TWO PLAYS. 
 
 Brought foriv . l " 
 Blackett, Sir Edward, Bart. 
 Blair, Mr. 
 
 Blicke, Charles, Esq. 
 Bloxam, Mathew, Esq. 
 Boistaune, E. Esq. 
 Bonner, Charles, Esq. Post-0£ice 
 Bond, Nathaniel, Esq. 
 Bonham, Henry, Esq. Pelersfidd 
 Boone, Mr. 
 
 Boswell, Thomas David, Esq. 
 Bosville, Lieutenant Colonel 
 Boswell, James, Esq. Cheapside 
 Boscawen, Colonel 
 Bowles, H. Carrington, Esq. 
 Bowman, William, Esq. Clapton 
 Bowman, Mr. 
 Bower, Foster, Esq. 
 Boydell, John, Esq. 
 Braddyl, Wilson, Esq. 
 Bradshaw, Mr. 
 
 Brandon, Mr. Co'uent-garden Theatre 
 Braisbridge, Mr. 
 
 Bramstone, J. W. Esq. Lincoln' s-lnn 
 Brathwaite, Daniel, Esq. Post-Office 
 Brent, Mrs. Sommerset-place 
 Bridges, Lady 
 Brereton, Owen Sal. Esq. 
 Brocklesby, Dr. i 
 
 Brodrick, Mr. 
 
 Brome, Edw. Esq. Toivn Mailing, Kent 
 Bromley, Mrs. Harroiu 
 Browne, Mr. Samuel, Lo-ve-lane 
 Brown, F. J. Esq. M. P. 
 Brownlow, Rt, Hon. William 
 Brown, Mrs Sarah, A''o.3c, Gos'well-st. 
 Browne, L Hawkins, Esq. 
 Bruckshaw, J. Esq. Rojal Exchange 
 Brunsdon, Mr. C. Basinghall-strcet 
 Bullock, Henry, Esq. Whitechafel 
 Bunbury, Sir Charles 
 Burgh, Thomas, Esq. 
 Burges, Ynyr, Esq. 
 Burke, Rt. Hon. Edmund 
 
 — , Richard, Esq. 
 
 Burne, Mr. T. 
 
 Burney, Charles, Esq. 
 
 Bui ney. Dr. 
 
 Burrell, Sir Peter, Bart. 
 
 Bullion, Phil'p, Esq. 
 
 Bus!::, Gerv-.se Parker, Esq. 
 
 Byng, George, Esq. 
 
 — , Edsvard, Esq. 
 
 Byng, lohn, Esq. 
 Byrn, Mr. 
 
 Brought fornu. 245 4 o 
 
 Carried foriv. 245 4 o 
 
 Camden, Rt. Hon. Earl 50 
 
 Cavan, Earl of 
 
 Calvert, Charles, Esq. Thames-street 
 
 , Robert, Esq. 
 
 Calvert, Mr. 
 Cadell, Thomas, Esq. 
 Cazenove, I. H. Esq. 
 Cartwright, Charles, Esq. 
 Campbell, Major James 
 Capadocia, Mrs. 
 Cater, Mr. Pall-mall 
 Campbell, Mr. of the Shakspere 
 Cator, Mr. 
 Carden, John, Esq. 
 Gary, The Hon. Charles John 
 Castelfranc, Mr. Worcester college 
 Champion, A. Esq. Winchester-street 
 
 , Ben. Esq. Old Broad-st. 
 
 Chapman, W. F. 
 
 Charlauston, , Esq. Highgate 
 
 Chauncy, C. Snell, Esq. Aust.-Friars 
 
 Chauncy, Mrs. Fulham 
 
 Chalmers, Alexander, Throgmorton-st. 
 
 Charnley, Mr. Robert, Snonu-hill 
 
 Chauntrell, T. Esq. Highbury -place 
 
 Chamberlain, Mr. Jos. 
 
 Cheere, Sir William 
 
 Chivers, William.Esq. Clapham-cotn. 
 
 Churchill, Charles, Esq. 
 
 Clarke, John, Esq. Chancery-lane 
 
 Clarke, John, Esq. Richmond 
 
 Clarke, H. Esq. 
 
 Clay. Mr. M. 
 
 Clay, Richard, Esq. Beriter-street 
 
 Clinch, Mr. 
 
 Clements, John, Esq. 2 
 
 Cloiifert, Bishop of 2 
 
 Cloncurry, Right Hon. Lord 
 
 Coates, J. Esq. Tavistsck- street 
 
 Cobb, Mr. India-house 
 
 Cockayne, Hon. Mr. 
 
 Coghlan, Rev.L. Fitzroy-st. Russel-pl, 
 
 Coke, Mr. 
 
 Colombine, Mr. P. Norivicb 
 
 Connolly, Rt. Hon. Thomas 10 
 
 Const, Francis, Esq. 
 
 Concannon, L. Esq. 
 
 Conyngham, W. Esq. Sherlorne-lane 
 
 Cooke, Dr. Dorset-court 
 
 Cook, William, Esq. 
 
 Cook, Mr. James 
 
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 2 
 I 
 I 
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 1 
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 10 
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 Carried foriv, 359 50
 
 SUBSCRIBERS TO MR 
 
 (. 
 
 J. d. 
 
 Brought fovw . 3 5 
 
 9 S 
 
 Cooper, Mr. John, 5herborne-lane 
 
 1 1 
 
 Cope, Thomas, Esq. Camberiuell 
 
 1 1 
 
 Corbett, Theodore, Esq. Madras 
 
 I 1 
 
 , Vinantes, Esq. ditto 
 
 I 1 
 
 Corbett, Mr. Peter 
 
 I 1 
 
 Corry, Isaac, Esq. 
 
 1 1 
 
 Cordwcll, Henry, Esq. 
 
 1 I 
 
 Cottrell, Sir Clement 
 
 I I 
 
 Coutts, Thomas, Esq. 2( 
 
 5 5 
 
 Cowley, Mrs. 
 
 I I 
 
 Coxe, Edward, Esq. Nevu Broad-st. 
 
 I 
 
 Cox, Mr. P. 1 
 
 I 
 
 Coxe, H. H. Esq. 
 
 1 
 
 Crawford, Patrick Geo. Esq. 
 
 1 
 
 Craufurd, C. P. Esq. 
 
 1 
 
 Craig, Lieut. Gen. 
 
 1 
 
 Crawford, Mr. Peterborough i 
 
 1 
 
 Cranke, Mr. William, Bishopsgate-st, 
 
 1 
 
 Crowther, Mr. 
 
 I 
 
 Crofts, John, Esq. < 
 
 • 5 
 
 Crofton, Lady i 
 
 I 
 
 Croft, Richard, Esq. 
 
 I 
 
 — — — .Thomas, Esq. 
 
 [ I 
 
 Crookshanks, Capt. J. R. N. 
 
 I 
 
 Crop, R. Esq. Upper Brook-street I 
 
 I 
 
 Cunningham, Lord Viscount 5 
 
 5 
 
 Cunningham, Benton, Esq. 1 
 
 I 
 
 Cumberland, Richard, Esq. 
 
 I 
 
 Cuff, Mr. : 
 
 t 2 
 
 Currie, John, Esq. Bromley, Midd. 
 
 I 
 
 Cure, Mr. ,• j 
 
 I 
 
 D 
 
 
 Darby, John, Esq. Old-jewry 2 
 
 . 2 
 
 Dawes, John, Esq. 
 
 1 
 
 Davidson, Alex. Esq. Madras 1 
 
 I 
 
 Dalrymple, Alex. Esq. i 
 
 1 
 
 Davenport, John, Esq. Adelphi 
 
 1 1 
 
 Davenport, Rich. Esq. 
 
 1 
 
 Daniel, John, No. 32, Poultry 1 
 
 1 
 
 Danser, R. Esq. i 
 
 I 
 
 Dance, George, Esq. Gonver-street 1 
 
 1 
 
 Delaval, Lord 2 
 
 
 
 Derby, Earl of 5 
 
 5 '•'' 
 
 Delaval, Edw. Hussey, Esq. 5 
 
 3 
 
 Dc Visme, P. Nath, Esq. 2 
 
 . 2 
 
 Delawar, Earl 1 
 
 I 
 
 Demontalt, Lord 1 
 
 1 
 
 Dclvin, Viscount \ 
 
 I 
 
 Devaynes, Mrs. William 1 
 
 1 
 
 
 1 
 
 Dent, John, Esq. Temple-bar 
 
 1 c 
 
 Devaynes, Wm. Esq, i 
 
 I 
 
 Dely, Denis Bowes, Esq. 1 
 
 I 
 
 MACKLIN S TWO PLAYS. 
 
 Carried forvj. 476 17 o 
 
 Brought for-Tv 
 De Salis, Dr. 
 
 Dent, Rob. Esq. Temple-bar 
 Deacon, W. Esq. 
 Dennett, John, Esq. 
 Dent, William, Esq. Battersea-rise 
 Dialtrey, Captain 
 Dive, Hugh, Esq. 
 
 , L. Geo. Esq. 
 
 Dickenson, Henry, Esq. 
 
 Dixon, Mr. James 
 
 Dickinson, Barnard, Esq. 
 
 Dimond, W. Esq. Bath 
 
 Dickens, Mrs. 
 
 Dilly, Charles 
 
 Dinwoody, Wm. Esq. 
 
 Dowdeswell, Mr. T. Pall-court 
 
 Draper, J.W.S.Esq. Lea-bridge, Essex 
 
 Drake, G. Esq. Denmark-hill 
 
 Droz, Simeon, Esq. Berner-street 
 
 Drummond, John, Esq. 
 
 Dudley and Ward, Viscount 2 
 
 , Viscountess i 
 
 Duff, Sir James 
 Dunn, Thomas, Esq. 
 
 476 
 
 Eardley, Lord 
 
 -, (zd benefaftion) 
 
 Easton, Charles, Esq. Langhy 
 
 Eames, Mr. 
 
 Eccles, Isaac Ambrose, Esq. 
 
 Eden, Sir J. Bart. 
 
 Edington, Mr. 
 
 Edwards, Hollis, Mr. 
 
 Egremont, Earl of 
 
 Egerton, Mrs 
 
 Ellis, Rt. Hon. Welbore 
 
 , John, Esq. Portland-place 
 
 , Charles, Esq. 
 
 — — , Mrs. 
 
 Ellis, Charles, Esq. 
 
 Ellys, Charles, Esq. Dean-street 
 
 Englefield, Sir H. G. Bart. 
 
 Erskine, Hon. T. 
 
 Estcourt, Edmund, Esq. 
 
 Esten, Mrs. Cownt-garden Theatre 
 
 Evans, Robert, Esq. 
 
 Fanner, Rev. Dr. Master ofEman. 
 
 Col. Cambridge 
 Fawkes, Walter, Esq. 
 Farrer, John, Esq. 
 Mr. 
 
 >. d. 
 
 17 o 
 
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 1 
 1 
 1 
 1 
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 1 
 
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 1 
 I 
 1 
 
 I 
 I 
 1 
 1 
 I 
 I 
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 10 
 
 I 
 
 I o 
 
 I o 
 
 I o 
 
 1 o 
 
 Carried for-M% 583 90
 
 SUBSCRIBERS TO MR. MACKLIn's TWO PLAYS. 
 
 Brought fcrnu . 583 
 
 Farren, Mr. Coment-garden Theatre i 
 
 , Miss, Drury-lane Theatre 2 
 
 Penning, Mr. D. T. Meorgnte 
 
 Fitzwillinm, Viscount 
 
 Fitzgibbon, Rt. Kon. Lady 
 
 Fitzgerald, Lord Charles 
 
 Fitzherbert, Mr. 
 
 Fitzgerald, William Thomas, Esq. 
 
 Fox, Rt. Hon. Charles James 
 
 Forbes, Sir William, Edinburgh 
 
 Foulkes, Mr. 
 
 Foss, Mr. 
 
 Fozard, Mr. Park-lant 
 
 ——, Mr. James 
 
 Franks, J-cob, Esq, hleiuorth 
 
 Franklin, J. Esq. 
 
 French, James Bogle, Esq. 
 
 Freeman, John, Esq. Cornhill 
 
 Frerc, Mr. John, Straiford-place 
 
 Fryer, John, Esq. ^leen-square 
 
 Fuller, S. Esq. 
 
 Fuller, Mr. William 
 
 G. Ko. 71, Leadenhall-street 
 
 Garrow, Rev. David, Hadhy 
 
 Garrow, Williiim, Esq. Temple 
 
 Gaselie, Stephen, Esq. 
 
 Gains, Geo. Esq. Guilford 
 
 Gay, Mr. 
 
 Geoghegan, J. Esq. Soho-square 
 
 German, T. Esq. New Broad-street 
 
 A Gentleman, (By Mr. Incledon) 
 
 Gilbie, Mr. James, Siock-Exchange 
 
 Gillum, Mr. India-house 
 
 Gipps, Mr. 
 
 Gisborne, Dr. 
 
 Glover, Richard, Esq. 
 
 Godfrey, Mr. Southamftcn-itreet 
 
 Gelding, William, Southixark 
 
 Goodere, Mr John, Vauxhall 
 
 Goodricke, Sir Henry, Bart. 
 
 Goodrick, Thomas, Esq. 
 
 Gooch, Rev. Dr. Prebendary of Ely 
 
 Gordon, A. Esq. Clerkeniuell 
 
 Gordon, Hon. JVIujor General 
 
 Graham, Robert, Esq. 
 
 Graham, John, Esq. Southampton-rciu 
 
 Grattan, Rt. Hon. Mr. 
 
 Grave, Mr. John 
 
 Greg, John, Esq. Stratfard-pl, 
 
 Grilliths, Mr. Pall-y.aU 
 
 1. d. 
 
 9 o 
 
 2 
 2 
 I 
 1 
 I 
 I 
 I 
 
 10 
 2 
 1 
 
 Carried for'w . 648 no 
 
 Brought foruu. 648 1 1 
 
 Griffiths, Mr. Pa//. A;«// 
 
 Grindall, Mr. Richard 
 
 Greene, Thomas, Esq. 
 
 Grey, Charles, Esq. 
 
 Grey, the Hon. Booth, 
 
 Guildford, Earl of 
 
 Guildford, Lady 
 
 Gwatkin, Edward, Esq. Jejfries-placi 
 
 H 
 Harris, Thomas, Esq. 10 
 
 Hamilton, Archibald, Esq. 5 
 
 Hatton, G. F. Esq. 5 
 
 Hastings, Warren, Esq. 3 
 
 Hatton, E. F. Esq. 2 
 
 Hatton, Hon Mr.^. F. 2 
 
 Harrington, Earl of 
 Hallifnx, Dr. 
 Hatchett, Charles, Esq. 
 Hampden, Viscountess 
 Hale, Lieut. Gen. St. James's-ph 
 Hasker, Thomas, Esq. Post-Ojffice 
 Harland, Lady 
 
 Hayley, William, Esq. Eastham, Suss. 
 Harewood, Lady 
 Hains, Mr. Robert, Jldersgate-st. 
 Hall, Mrs. 
 
 Harrison, Andrew, Esq. 
 Harrison, John, Esq. 
 Harford, Mr. 
 
 Halliday, —,' — i Esq. Li'verpool 
 Haggard, W. H. Esq. 
 
 Halliday, , Esq. Li'verpool 
 
 Harwood,Capt.W.T. Tcmp.Ccll. Nor/, 
 
 Harvey, Charles, Esq. 
 
 Harston, Mrs. Bear-street 
 
 Haywood, , Esq. 
 
 Hall, , Esq. 
 
 Henniker, J. Esq. 
 
 Heathfield, Lord 
 
 Hereford, Charles, Esq. 
 
 Hey, Rev. Prebend of Dorchester 
 
 Henckell, Mr. G. " 
 
 Henderson, Mr. John 
 
 Hey, Mr. 
 
 Hinchinbroke, Lord 
 
 Higgins, Dr. 
 
 Hi. I, Captain 
 
 Higginson, Mr. William 
 
 Hobart, Hon. Robert 
 
 Hodgkinson, Mr. 
 
 Hodgson, General 
 
 Hodges, Christopher, Esq. 
 
 Hodges, Edward, Esq. Hackney 
 
 d. 
 
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 Carried foT'-w. 725 40
 
 SOBSCRIBERS TO MR 
 
 MACKLIN 5 TWO Pt.AYS. 
 
 Brought /orw. 725 
 
 Holmin, Mr. Covent-garden Theatre 2 
 
 Holm", William, Esq. Thames-street 1 
 
 Holliilay, Major i 
 
 Holland, Henry, Esq. i 
 
 Hoole, John, Esq. I 
 
 Hook, Major Archibald i 
 
 Hooper, Edward, Esq. t 
 
 Hopkins, Mr. i 
 
 Hopkins, T. Esq. i 
 
 Hotham, Major General i 
 
 House, Harry, Esq. Pall-mall 1 
 
 Home, Patrick, Esq. i 
 
 Houghton, Mr. i 
 
 Houghton, Mr. i 
 
 Hudson, Sir Charles 1 
 
 Hughes Mr. Richard I 
 
 Hughes, Miss i 
 
 Hughes, J. Esq. I 
 
 Hulse, Colonel 1 
 
 Hull, Mr. T. Co-vent-gardcn Theatre 2 
 
 Hunter, John, Esq. Bedford-square 10 
 
 Hunter, Mr. i 
 
 Hungerford, J. P. Esq. Welbeck-st. I 
 
 Hutchinson, Rt. Hon. J. Hcly 10 
 
 Hutchinson, Hon. and Rev. A. Hely 2 
 
 Hutchinson, Hon. C. 1 
 
 Husscy, Mr. 1 
 
 Hyde, Major General i 
 
 J 
 Jackson, B. Esq. Bath 
 Jackson, Mrs. Scott, Bedford-square 
 James, Haughton, Esq. 
 Jennings, J . Esq. Cdeman-sl. -build. 
 Jephson, Robert, Esq. Dublin Castle 
 Joddrell, Henry 
 
 Johnston, Mr.] .Co'vent-garden Thcat, 5 
 
 Johnson, Alexander, Esq. 1 
 
 Johnson, Samuel, Esq. i 
 
 Johnson, Lieut. Col. I 
 
 Jones, Parry, Esq. i 
 Jordan, Mrs. Urury-lane Theatre 10 
 
 Irby, Hon. William Henry i 
 
 K 
 
 Keate, Thomas, Esq. i 
 
 Keir, , Cornet, 14th Dragoons i 
 
 Kemble, John, Esq. Drury-/a>teTheatre 5 
 
 Kensington, Charles, Esq. City-Cham, i 
 
 Kieman, Thomas, Esq. 2 
 
 King, J. Esq. Banbury 2 
 
 Kingsman, J. hn, Esq. i 
 
 King, Thomas, Esq. Chis-Mick i 
 
 King, Mr. Thomas, King-street 1 
 
 — , Mr. Thomas, Craven-street 1 
 
 Carried fotrvj, 820 50 
 
 Brought foriu 
 
 Knight, Mr. T. Theatre-Royal, Bath 
 Knight, Robert, Esq. 
 
 , Henry, Esq. 
 
 Knight, Thomas, Esq. 
 
 , Mrs. 
 
 Kirkman, Mr. P. Red Lion-ct. Fleet-st. 
 
 £ 
 
 820 
 
 J. d, 
 
 S ° 
 
 2 o 
 
 I o 
 
 I o 
 
 I o 
 
 I o 
 
 I o 
 
 A Lady i i o 
 
 Landsdown, Marquis of 10 10 o 
 
 Latouche, John, Esq. 5 50 
 
 , Peter, Esq. 5 50 
 
 Latouche, W. Digges, Esq. 2 20 
 
 Lascelles, Major Gen. 3 30 
 
 Lake, Sir James i 10 
 
 Law, Edward, Esq. i i o 
 
 Lawrence, Richard, Esq. Camier-vjell i 1 o 
 
 Lawes, Vitruvius, Esq. Temple \ i o 
 
 Lane, Richard, Esq, i 10 
 
 > , John, Esq. i i o 
 
 , John, Esq. ABan 1 10 
 
 Lacey, Thomas, Esq. i i o 
 
 Lake, Major-Gen. i i o 
 
 — — , Mr. Warwick i 10 
 
 Latouche, Mrs. Peter i 1 o 
 
 Lambert, Charles, Esq, Temple 1 I o 
 
 Lancaster, Mr. S. St. Margaret' s-hill 1 i o 
 
 Leigh, Colonel i 1 o 
 
 , Rev. Thomas, Barnet i I o 
 
 Lewis, Matthew, Esq. ' i i o 
 
 Leo, Daniel, Esq Bath i 1 o 
 
 Lettsom, J. C. Dr. i 1 o 
 
 Lees, John, Esq. Post-Offtce i i o 
 
 Leeds, Duke of i i o 
 
 Lewis, Mr. Couent-garden Theatre 220 
 
 Levier, Nathan, Esq. Prescot-slreet i i o 
 
 Lewis, Mrs. Sophia, Clapham 1 10 
 
 Lewis, Mr. William i i o 
 
 Leigh, Mr. Wilmington, Kent 1 i o 
 
 Lethieullier, Mr. i i o 
 
 Lemon, John, Esq. i i o 
 
 Lewis, Mr. J, 110 
 
 Le Blanc, Simon, Esq. 1 i o 
 
 Literary Fund 10 10 o 
 
 Lind, George, Esq. ^een-squari 1 i o 
 
 Liptrott, Rev. Mr. i i o 
 
 Llewellyn, Mr. H. Noble street i 1 o 
 
 Lloyd, Thomas i i o 
 
 Longford, Viscount, Ireland 1 i o 
 
 Long, Mr. 1 1 o 
 
 Long, William, Esq. Chancery-lane I i o 
 
 Lowndes, John, Esq. i 1 o 
 
 Londonderry, Lord 10 10 o 
 
 Longman, Thomas, Esq. 5 50 
 
 Long, Edw. Bceston, Esq. i i o 
 
 Carried forvj, qzz 20
 
 SUBSCRIBERS TO MR, 
 
 Brought fcriu. 922 20 
 
 Loughborough, Lord 
 LofFr, Capel, Esq. 
 Lubbock, John, Esq. 
 Lumm, Sir F. Bart. 
 Lucadou, I. D. Esq. 
 , Mr. Peter 
 
 5 
 2 
 
 2 
 
 2 
 
 2 
 
 2 
 
 M 
 
 Mawbey, Sir Joseph, Bart. 
 Mansfield, Earl 
 Malone, Edmund, Esq. 
 Maud, Hon. Mr. 
 Maxwell, H. Esq; 
 
 , Mrs. H. 
 
 Mattocks, Mrs. Covent-garden Theat. 2 
 Marlborough, Duke of 
 
 ■ , Dutchess of 
 
 Mainwaring, Sir H. 
 
 Macdonnell, Mr. 
 
 Mayo, M. W. Esq. Ely-place 
 
 Macauley, G. M. Esq. Chatham-sq. 
 
 Marsh, Samuel, Esq. 
 
 Marsh, Charles, Esq. Uxbridge 
 
 Matheson, Gilbert, Esq. 
 
 Mayor, John, Esq. 
 
 Maieverer, Bellingham, Esq. 
 
 Madden, James, Esq. 
 
 , Mrs. 
 
 , Miss 
 
 Madden, Capt. 
 
 , Lieut. I2th Dragoons 
 
 Maseres, Francis, Inner 1 ernfh 
 Mackey, Mr. Turnhajn-Grcen 
 Macmane, Miss 
 Mauduit, Mr. 
 Maberly, Mr. John 
 Martin, James, Esq. 
 
 , James, Mrs. 
 
 Mason, Rt. Hon. J. Monck 
 
 Macauley, G. M. Esq. 
 
 Marsham, Hon. Charles 
 
 Maddi'on, John, Esq. 
 
 M'Mahon, John, Esq. 
 
 M' Carthy, Felix, Esq. 
 
 Macready, Mr. Co'vent-garden Theatre 
 
 Metham, Sir George 2 
 
 Meyrick, John, Esq. 2 
 
 Mexborough, Lord 
 
 — — ', Lady Dowager 
 
 Metcalf, P. Esq. M. P. 
 Meek, WilUam, Esq. 
 Methold, Mr. Thomas, Kevj 
 Mence, Rev. Mr. A. M. 
 
 1 o 
 
 1 o 
 
 I o 
 
 I o 
 
 I o 
 
 I o 
 
 macklin's two plays. 
 
 Brought foriu. 988 
 
 McUish, Jos. Charles, Esq. 
 
 -, Charles, Esq. 
 
 Meyer, Mr. 
 
 Metcalf, Major, Portland-place 
 Meyltr, Mr. W. Bath 
 Milltown, Earl of 
 
 Milford, , Esq. 
 
 Miller, Sir Thomas 
 Milman, Dr. 
 Milford, Lord 
 Mill, David, Esq. 
 Middleton, John, Esq. 
 Mingay, J. Esq. 
 
 Mitford, , Esq. Mresford 
 
 Moody, Mr. Drury-lane Theatre 
 
 Moonc, Mr. 
 
 Monck, Charles Stouley, Esq. 
 
 Monsoii, Lieut. Col. 
 
 Montboddo, Lord 
 
 JVIorris, J. Esq. 
 
 Morris, Charles, Esq. 
 
 , Edward, Esq 
 
 Morris, Captain, Coldstream guards 
 
 Moiton, Thomas, Esq. 
 
 Morton, Thomas, Esq. 
 
 Morlcy, Miss, Broad-street buildings 
 
 Mountmorris, Lord 
 
 Munro, Sir Heftor 
 
 Munden, Mr. Coment-garden Theatre 
 
 Murphy, Arthur, Esq. 
 
 Murray, the Hon. two Misses, 
 
 Myddelton, Mr. William, Temple 
 
 Musgrave, Joseph, Esq. 
 
 N 
 Nealson, Mr. Great George-street 
 Nantes, Mr. 
 Nesbitt, John, Esq. 
 Newbery, Francis, Esq. St. Paul's 
 Newton, Andrew, Esq. 
 Nicol, Mr. George, Pall-mall 
 Nichols, Mr. Deputy 
 Nightingale, William, Esq. 
 -, George, Esq. 
 
 Carried forxi. 9^8 5 o 
 
 . J. 
 5 o 
 
 Noble, Mr. Francis, Kentish-town 
 Noble, Mr. William 
 North, Lord 
 .f— — , Lady A. 
 
 r , Major 
 
 Norris, Richard, Jermyn-street 
 Norris, William, Old-je-ivry 
 
 O 
 
 O'Byrne, Mr. 
 O'Neil, Rt. Hon. John 
 
 I o 
 
 1 o 
 
 Carritdfor'w. 1064 18 o
 
 SUBSCRIBERS TO MR. MACKLIN S TWO PLAYS. 
 
 Brought fortu 
 
 O'Bryen, Dennis, Esq. 
 Ovey, Mrs. Ta'vistock-street 
 Ovey, Mr. Ta-vijlock-street 
 Osorio, Jacob, Esq. Broad-st. huild. 
 Owen, Mr. Neiucastle-street, Strand 
 Owen, Miss, ditto 
 
 1064 18 o 
 
 2 20 
 1 o 
 I o 
 I o 
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 Palmer, John, Esq. Post-office 10 10 
 
 Palmer, William, Esq. i 1 
 
 Payne, Sir Ralph i 1 
 
 — , Lady I I 
 
 , Mr. Brompttn I I 
 
 — — , Samuel, Esq. Chelsea, i i 
 
 -, Miss ditto ■■ II 
 
 Parnell, Rt. Hon. Sir John i 1 
 
 Paget, John, Esq. 1 i 
 
 Pardon, John, Esq. i. i 
 
 Park, James Allen, Esq. Carey-street 1 1 
 
 Paxton, Archibald, Esq. i i 
 
 , William, Esq. i 1 
 
 Parker, Henry, Esq. i i 
 
 Partridge, Mr. Tavistack-street i 1 
 
 Parsons, Mr. 11 
 
 Pearce, Mr. John Thames- street 1 i 
 
 Parsons, Mr. 1 1 
 
 Partridge, Henry, Esq. i i 
 
 Parke, T. G. J^mes-st. Bed-Raiu i i 
 
 Pcpys, Sir Lucas, Bart. i i 
 
 Petrie, John, Esq. Soho-sqtiare i i 
 
 Perryii, Lieutenant Colonel i i 
 
 Pery, Hon. Henry Edmund i i 
 
 Peart, Joshua, Esq. Lincoln's Inn-fields i 1 
 
 Peters, George, Esq. Old Bethlem 1 i 
 
 Phelps, LD. Esq. Lincoln' s-inn i i 
 
 Phipp?, Hon. Col. I r 
 
 -r-™»—,. Hon. Captain i i 
 
 Pigott, A. Esq. I I 
 
 Pitcairn, Doftor David 1 1 
 
 Pillencr, James, Esq. Bridge-st.West. i 1 
 
 Pigou, Mr. I I 
 
 Pigot, Admiral i i 
 
 Pile, John, Esq. i i 
 
 Pocock, Mr. I I 
 
 Polhill, Miss Parliament-street i 1 
 
 Pope, Mrs. Covent-garden Theatre 1 i 
 
 '?o\^e,yWis, Dniry-Lane Theatre i i 
 
 Portland, Duke of 55 
 
 Powell, Mrs. 1 i 
 
 Porter, Mr. Bishopsgate-street i i 
 
 Prestwidge, Mr. I i 
 
 Preston, Isaac, Esq. i 1 
 
 Priiicep, John, Esq. i i 
 
 Price, Cromwell, Esq. i i 
 
 
 I >■ d. 
 
 Brought fornu. 
 
 1134 4 
 
 Purling, John, Esq. 
 
 I I 
 
 p — , Thomas, Esq. 
 
 I I 
 
 Quick, Mr. Covent-garden Theatre 5 50 
 
 Carried foriu, 1 1 34 40 
 
 R 
 
 Ramsay, William, Esq. Edinburgh 10 10 
 
 Rawdon, Lord 5 5 
 
 Randall, G. Esq. Sec, of State' s office 1 i 
 
 Raven, Mr. St. Margaret' s-hill i i 
 
 Read, John, Esq. Old-jcwry i I 
 
 Reynolds, Mr. 11 
 
 Reynolds, Sir Joshua. i i 
 
 Reynolds, Dr. 2 2 
 
 Reed, Thomas, Esq. Old Broad-street i i 
 
 Reed, Isaac, Esq. Staple's Inn 1 i 
 
 Ren .ington, John, Esq. i i 
 
 Recorder of London i i 
 
 Redman, Mr. Hatton-garden I 1 
 
 Richmond, Duke of 22 
 
 , Duchess of 22 
 
 Rixon, John, Esq. Gt. Hermitage-st. 2 2 
 
 Ridout, John, Esq. Ne-Mington-place i i 
 
 Richardson, Lieut, Col. i i 
 
 Richardson, Colonel i i 
 
 Rittson, Mr. 1 1 
 
 Riley, Mr. Long-Acre i i 
 
 Robinson, George, Esq. 5 5 
 
 Robinson, Mrs. Clarges-street 3 3 
 
 Roberts, T.jun. Esq. C/&aW«--^o.jy. i i 
 
 Rolfe, Mr. 11 
 
 Rowley, Rt. Hon. H. L. Dublin i i 
 
 Rowley, Clotworthy, Esq. Dublin i i 
 
 Rodbard, Miss, Bath i 1 
 
 Roebuck, John, Loiie-lane, Eastcheap i i 
 
 Ross, Robert, Esq. 1 1 
 
 Ross, W. Esq. 1 i 
 
 Romney, George, Esq. Ca'vendish sq. 1 i 
 
 R. R. W. Leadenhall-street i i 
 
 Rucker, John Anthony, Esq. 1 i 
 
 , Henry David, Esq. i 1 
 
 Ruspiiii, Chevalier i i 
 Rudhail, William, Esq. Gray's Inn 1 1 
 Ryan, J. B. Esq. New Burlington-st. i 1 
 , Lieut. \zth Dragoons ' i i 
 
 Sanderson, Sir James 5 5 
 
 Sayer, James, Esq. Richmond 2 2 
 
 Sastries, Mr. Edgeixare-road i i 
 
 Sayers, James, Esq. Gt. Ormond-st. i i 
 
 Sandford, William, Esq. Cecil-street i i 
 
 Savile, Hon. Henry i i 
 
 ■ -, Hon. Charles i 1 
 
 Carriea forio. 1219 50
 
 SUr.SCRlDER 
 
 Brought forxv. 1:19 
 
 Savile, Miss 
 
 Salmon, Mr. William, Devizes 
 
 Salanioiis, E. P, Esq. Fenchurch-st. 
 
 Scotr, Sinuicl, Esq. 
 
 Scott, M.ijor, M. P. 
 
 Scott, Thomas, Esq. 
 
 Scott, William, Esq. 
 
 Scott, James, Esq. Hammersmith 
 
 Sealey, Henry, Esq. Alresford 
 
 Sedgwick, Mr. Drury-lane Theatre 
 
 Sermon, Thomas, Esq. 
 
 Serjeant, John, Esq. Gt. ^leen-st. 
 
 Sewell, Mr. Cornhill 
 
 Seward, W. Bath 
 
 Sheridan, R. B. Esq. 1 
 
 Shee, Annesley, Esq. 
 
 Shum, G. Esq. Bedford-square 
 
 Sheplierd, S. Esq. 
 
 Sharp, Richard, Esq. Momtment-hill 
 
 Sheldon, Richard, Esq. 
 
 Sheldon, Mr. No. 23, Totlenham-ct, 
 
 Shields, Mr. W. 
 
 Sibley, George, Esq. 
 
 Siddons, Mrs. Drury-lane Theatre 
 
 Sidney, Lord 
 
 Skcffington, Sir William, Bart. 
 
 , Mr. Luniley 
 
 Slack, Thomas, Esq. Brayvjick 
 
 Sloane, General 
 
 Smith, William, Esq. Kinsvjood 
 
 Smith, William, Esq. 
 
 Smith, T. Esq. Ealing 
 
 Smith, Charles, Esq. Bromley, Midd. 
 
 Smith, Mr. John 
 
 Smith, Mr. 
 
 . , Mrs. 
 
 Smith, Thomas, Esq. Ealing 
 
 Smith, William, Esq. Boston, Line. 
 
 omyth, Pendergast, Esq. 
 
 Snell, Mrs. Edmonton 
 
 Sneyd, Samuel, Esq. 
 
 Snow, James Raymond, Esq. 
 
 Soame Henry, F. R. 
 
 Sondes, Rt. Hon. Lord I 
 
 Southampton, Lord 
 
 Spencer, Lady 
 
 Spencer, Lord 
 
 Stacie, Mr. 
 
 Stainforth. G. Esq. 
 
 Stamford, Rt. Hon. Eafl of 
 
 Stamford, Rt. Hon. Countess of 
 
 Stanh' pe, Hon. Lieut. Colonel 
 
 Stapcl, P. Esq. 
 
 Stapieton, Mr. T. Lincoln's Inn-fields 10 
 
 S TO MR 
 
 5 o 
 1 
 1 
 1 
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 1 
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 10 
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 5 
 I 
 
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 5 
 
 2 
 
 I 
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 JO 
 
 Macklin's two plays. 
 
 Brought foriv. 1323 
 
 Staunton, Sir George 
 St. Clair, Major ofT.(^ih Regiment 
 Steer, William, junior, Esq. Finchhy 1 
 Steers, John, Esq. Temple 
 
 , Edward, Esq. ditto 
 
 — — , Charles, Esq. Gt. Russel-st. 
 
 , James, Esq. ditto 
 
 St. John, Hon. John 
 
 St. Leger, Lieut. Colonel 
 
 Stephenson, Rowland, Esq. 
 
 , Rowland, junior, Esq. 
 
 Stephenson, Mr. 
 
 , Edward, Esq. 
 
 Sterry, Mr. 
 
 Steevens, George, Esq. Hampstead 
 
 Stevens, Colonel 
 
 Stewart, A. Esq. 
 
 Stewart, Hon. Mr. 
 
 Stockwell, J. Esq. Crutched Friars 
 
 Stone, Richard, Esq. 
 
 Stormont, Lord 
 
 Strahan, Andrew, Esq. 
 
 Strathmore, Earl of 
 
 Stratten, James, Esq. Hackney 
 
 Slrutt, Joseph, Esq. 
 
 -, John, Esq. 
 Strutt, William, Deriy 
 Sulivan, Stephen, Esq. 
 Sunderlin, Lord 
 
 Swift, , Esq. Putney 
 
 Symes, Colonel 
 
 Sylvester, John, Esq. Chancery-lane 
 
 Tnylour, Rev. Dr. Isletxiortb 
 
 Taylor, John, Esq. 
 
 Taylor, Mr. J. 
 
 Tayler, Mr. Thomas, Nctu Lloyds 
 
 T. C. 
 
 Temple, R. G. Esq. 
 
 Thackery, John, South^vark 
 
 Theed, Thomas, Mark-lane 
 
 Thomas, Morgan, Esq. 
 
 Thornton, Captain 
 
 Thornton, Stephen, Esq. Aust.Friars 
 
 Thornegay, M. Esq. Moorfields 
 
 Thomas, Mr. Thomas 
 
 Thompson, Mr. Chisxuick 
 
 Titchfield, Marquis of 
 
 Tipper, Mr. Charles-street 
 
 Tighe, Edward, Esq. 
 
 Torriano, Captain, if 'ells 
 
 Tooke, W. Esq. Tom}. Coll. Norfolk 
 
 Carried fori/j. 1323 40 
 
 
 1. 
 
 d. 
 
 3 
 
 4 
 
 
 
 I 
 
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 2 
 
 
 
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 Carried foriu, 14' 5 '^ ^
 
 Brought fornM 
 
 Tooke, John Home, Esq. 
 Tomkiiis, Mr. Ccvcnt-garJen 
 Topham, John, Esq. Gray's Inn 
 Towniend, Miiquis 
 Townsend, Lord John 
 Travers, John, Esq. 
 Tucker, L. l^sq. 'Sorfulh-slreet 
 Tuckliekl, Mr. Hancy-Hreet 
 Tupp, Henry, Esq. 
 Tyrconnel, Earl 
 — — — , Countess 
 Tynte, Mr. 
 
 Tyler, William, Esq. Cower-sireet 
 Tyndale, Captain 
 Tyrwhitt, E. Esq. 
 
 Vaughan, John Tayler, Esq. 
 
 Vansittart, Henry, Esq. 
 
 Vandertom, J. F. No. 23, Bush-lane 
 
 Valliamy, Mr. Lewis Lemon-street 
 
 Vaux, Mr. 
 
 Vincent, Mr. 
 
 Vernon, Mrs. Upper Gower street 
 
 W 
 
 Wade, John, Esq. Charlotte-street 
 
 Wakelin, John, Esq. 
 
 Walsh, John, Esq. 
 
 Walker, Thomas, Esq. Manchester 
 
 Walker, Miss. Middlcvjood 
 
 Walker, Mrs. Lincoln's Inn-fields 
 
 Ward, Hon. Master John William 
 
 Ward, Hon. Robert 
 
 Ward, Mr. Townley, Soho-square 
 
 Warner, Edward, Esq. Coriihill 
 
 Warre, John, Esq. 
 
 Warre, Captain 
 
 Warre, John, Esq. 
 
 Warren, Peter, Esq. Temple 
 
 Warren, Dr. 
 
 Washbourne, Mrs. 
 
 Watherstonc, D. Esq. Wimpole-street 
 
 Watkins, Mr. G. Price, Carmarthen 
 
 Watson, Thomas, Esq. Bank-buildings 
 
 Watson, Mr. 
 
 Watson & Co. Messrs. Edinburgh 
 
 SUBSCR1EHR5 TO Mil. 
 
 C !.</. 
 
 1415 I 2 O 
 
 I 
 
 z 
 
 I 
 
 10 
 
 5 
 
 macklin's two plays. 
 
 10 
 
 Carried foriu. 1 496 9 o 
 
 Brought for'W 
 
 Waterford, Marquis of 
 Way, Benjamin, Esq. 
 Wayet, Mr. Boston 
 V/ebster, Sir God fry, Bart- 
 Webb, J. Willis, Esq. 
 Webb, William, Esq. Red Liou-sq. 
 Weir, Henry, Esq. 
 Weir, Mr. 
 
 Wells, Joseph, Esq. Clapham 
 Welsh, Richard, Esq. Aldersgate-st. 
 Welsh, Mr. R. Gerrard-street 
 Wells, Mis. Co'vent-garden Theatre 
 Weltjie, Louis, Esq. 
 Wentworth, Lady Charlotte 
 Westmoreland, Countess of 
 Wharton, John, Esq. M. P. 
 Whatley, R. K. Esq. Hartfield, Susx. 
 
 Wheeler, , Esq. (by Mr. Hull) 
 
 Wheeler, Tievor, Esq. 
 Whitbread, Samuel, Esq. 
 White, Mr. Luke 
 Whitmore, Felix, Esq. Lambeth 
 Whitmore, William, Old-je'wry 
 Wilkes, John, Esq. 
 
 , Miss 
 
 Wilkinson, Jacob, Esq. 
 
 Wilkinson, Tate, Esq. 
 
 Wilkinson, Mr. Clare-street 
 
 Wilmot, Henry, Esq. 
 
 Wilraot, John, Esq. 
 
 Wilson, GiiFen, Esq. Lincoln's Lm 
 
 Wilson, George, Esq. 
 
 Wilson, Andrew, Esq. Wellingborough 
 
 Wilson, Rev. Mr. Canon of Windsor 
 
 Wilson, Mr. Nottingham 
 
 Womb well, Mr. 
 
 Wood, Edward, Esq. 
 
 Wood, Mr. 
 
 Wood fall, William 
 
 Woodfall, Mr. George 
 
 Wroughton, R.Esq. Drury-laneTheat. 
 
 Wyburgh, Thomas, Esq. 
 
 1496 
 
 o 
 o 
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 o 
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 o 
 o 
 o 
 o 
 o 
 o 
 
 Young, Mr. 
 Zenobio, Count 
 
 Y 
 Z 
 
 10 10 o 
 
 330 
 
 Total 1582 II o 
 
 A^. B. If any Subscriber's Name happens to be omitted in the above List, by application to such of 
 the Trustees who took in their Subscription, they may receive an order for their Copy.
 
 ADVERT I SEMENT^ 
 
 '. :- FROM ■ ••'• "■ '' ':o.'OT'r aut Jnov3 oHT 
 
 THE EDITOR. ■\dhan^ym\n 
 
 JLIAVING this day receiv,ed.a Lis,t, of. the, Subscriber^ correcijy primed aiujj 
 properly arranged, I am at length enabled, to fulfil my promise to the Public. I look 
 back with inward satisfadion to the share I have had in serving Mr. Macklin's interest. 
 As soon as I was informed that he was so far impaired by yeafs, as to have no prospeft 
 of appearing again in the exercise of his profession, I made it my business to visit an old 
 friend, whom I had long known and valued. At that interview, I proposed to him the ^ 
 plan of publishing by subscription ; convinced as I was that a generous Public would take 
 into consideration the case of a veteran Aftor, who had exerted his talents during a series 
 of near Seventy Years, to promote useful mirth, and the moral instruftion of the Stage. 
 The Plan was adopted, and the following Advertisement was published on the occasion : — 
 
 « TO THE PUBLIC. 
 
 " When the reasons which have occasioned the necessity of the present Plan, are shortly 
 
 stated, the friends of Mr. Macklin are tvilling to persuade themselves, that proposals for 
 
 a Subscription will not be unwelcome to the Public. Dr. Johnson obsserved, on a similar 
 
 , -■ i;-:iiTJv 
 
 occasion, that, . ' 
 
 ' To assist industrious indigence, struggling ivith distress, and debilitated by age, is a display 
 
 ' of 'virtue, and an acquisition of happiness and honour.' 
 
 " The present address isiin appeal to the humanitj and generosity of a large and opulent 
 
 community, in behalf of a Man, who has lived to the age of ninety two, and of that long 
 
 life has passed near seventy years under the eye of.thg Public, at all times diligent in his 
 
 business, and now a.worn-out Veteran in the service of tlie Drama. 
 
 " Blessed with uncommon vigour of constitution, Mr. Macki.in hoped that his industry 
 
 and indefatigable paius would have held him above want to the end of his life. But the decay 
 
 of his memory has deprived him of all hopes'of appearing again in that profession, which he 
 
 always loved, and before that public, whom he honoured, ifor the generous encouragement, 
 
 _with which his exertions have been always disfifiguislied. 
 
 c I J' i^h "°5V "s?"" fbree years since he first felt, in the middle of his part, on Covent Garden 
 Stage, a sudden failure of memory. He has lived from that time in hopes of recovering his 
 faculties; but his hopes have been tbo sanguir>e,i and he now feels with regret, !tlue-he can 
 never again have the hoiwur of presenling himself before a British. Audience. '■■j\:/r'[,'.-^r. ^rj 
 " It is foe this reason, that his friends presume to majs,e this appjication. The twpipjeces, 
 oh which the applagsa of.nurterou^ audijijnces:has^taiTipied i) value, wpre never printed, and as 
 jS^v. MACKtiN's tiieluory-has. sofar de^ert^d him, ^s to render those produftions of no further 
 use to him,, it has been agreed, at a meeting of his friends;, _jt^9^;CjftV^, them to.^^^e^^P^^ 
 Subscription. ,1 "p ,| ..^.f.r, .,-j.t ..-g;.-..., 
 
 " Mr. MuiiPHY has most cheerfully undertaken the office of supenntendmg the press, for 
 a disabled Performer, whom he has known during a jiumber of years, and whom he always 
 respedlcd for his professional talents. He 'would take the liberty to add more, we're he not 
 restrained by Mr. Macklin, who says,' ■ ' ' ••■ • • 
 
 "' ' ' ' ' ^hat he'bas not liiied an ihattcnti've'^otserver of the public mind, and ihtrtfott dts'ms ^hat 
 WiH tt J-. 1 : : 1 J. ij-- hjy V, ■^fi^;,\,t- j;irther "sSiititatiba, mayJhe left to the^generosilj ofsuchi aiare-^^in^ 
 ,,. ,, .' to relieve. the languor of age, and the pains of disease and indigence '■ -■' "l i'-'-'i-.' -'.J 
 " N. b1 Dr. Brockl'esby, John PAiMcii,Esq. of the Ptnt.Officc, and Thomas Loncm an, Esg. of Paternpster- 
 Row, have undertaken, as Trustees, to receive the amount ot" the Subscription, and to vert the Same in 6Uch 
 manner, as will carry into execution tlie intention oi" the Subscribers, for Mr, MACKLI^'i> Benefit."
 
 ADVERTISEMENT TO THE PUBLIC. 
 
 The event has proved that Mr. Macklin's friends were not mistaken : He has been 
 relieved, and is in possession of a small, but decent competence, to cheer the remainder of 
 his days. 
 
 It is now fit that the Subscribers, who have distinguished themselves by their Benevo- 
 lence, should be told the Particulars of the Good which they have done.— 
 
 AMOUNT 
 Of the subscription. 
 
 Received 
 
 £ s. ^. 
 
 IjSZ II 
 
 
 .:{1 
 
 Total 
 
 DISBURSEMENTS up to 
 December ^ist, 1792. 
 
 Pa I D Mrs. Mnckliii, by Mr. Barlow, for weekly 
 expences, and postage of letters, from Oc- 
 tober -jlh, i-]g\, to March -jth, 1792 
 
 Paid Mrs. M(ickliii,hy Messrs. Coutts and Co. to 
 August It^th, 1792 . . - - - 
 
 Paid Mrs. Mackliii, for rent, by ditto 
 
 Paid Mrs. Macklin, for taxes, by ditto 
 
 Paid Mrs. Macklin, by ditto, from August \^th, 
 to Odober \2lh, 1792 . - - - 
 
 Paid by Doilor Brockksby, for engraving Mr. 
 Mackliii' s Portrait as frontispiece to the two 
 Plays - - - - - - - 
 
 Advertising in The Oracle, to Odober 2gth, 
 
 ■ in The Morning Chronicle, by 
 
 Messrs. Coutts and Co. . - - _ 
 
 in The Herald, Times, Morning 
 
 c 
 
 s. d. 
 
 51 
 
 I 6 
 
 90 
 
 12 
 
 3^ 
 
 
 
 IS 
 
 
 
 23 10 
 
 26 
 
 I 
 
 3 9 
 
 Post, and Gazetteer 
 
 — in The Diary 
 
 — in Freeman's Dublin Journal 
 
 in The Dublin Evening Post 
 
 Paid the Westminster Insurance Office, for an 
 Annuity oi £zoo for Mr. Macklin, and ^^75 
 per ann. for his wife, in case she survives him 
 
 Balance for Mr. Macklin's use, to be applied 
 by the Trustees ..... 
 
 1052 12 6 
 
 270 il 
 
 Total 1582 II o 
 
 1582 11 o 
 
 Such is tire result of Mr. Macklin's business. The publication of his Works, it must 
 be acknowledged, has been long held in suspense. It is needless, however, to state the 
 reasons, since, when it is considered that the delay has had the happy effect of increasing 
 the Subscription, the benevolent mind will require no apology. On the part of Mr. 
 Macklin, I am particularly desired to say, that he feels, with pride and gratitude, the 
 obligation conferred upon him by the illustrious Names that appear in the List of his Sub- 
 scribers. He considers it as an honourable dismission from a Profession, which he al- 
 ways loved, but can no longer follow. He returns his inost sincere Thanks to all his Sub- 
 scribers and begs leave to assure the public in general, that he retires from their ser\'ice, with 
 a deep sense of the many favors, which he experienced during a long and laborious life. 
 
 I have only to add, that I dismiss the edition of Mr. Macklin's two pieces, in full 
 confidence, that the pleasure, which they have repeatedly given to crowded audiences, will 
 
 not vanish in the closet. 
 
 ARTHUR MURPHY. 
 Hammersmith Terrace. 
 
 leb. zJ, 1793.
 
 TO 
 
 EARL CAMDEN, 
 
 My Lord, 
 
 1 HE Permission, with which your Lordship lias 
 been pleased to honour me, calls for the warmest acknowledgements of 
 Respeft and Gratitude. The polite Condescension, with which, before 
 that time, I had been admitted to your Lordship's presence, was always 
 considered by me as the happiest incident of my Life. I knew from 
 what a height your Lordship beheld me in my humble Station. You 
 looked, I may say, from Shakespeaue's ClifF, and saw, more than half 
 way down, di Man gathering Samphire. Repeated obligations taught me 
 to flatter myself, that, in the evening of my days, I Iiad obtained a 
 Patron ; and what at first was Vanity, soon turned to Gratitude. 
 
 I WILL not attempt, my Lord, to disguise that in my ambition to 
 prefix an illustrious name to this Edition, there was a secret tin(flure of 
 self-interest. Under your Lordship's Patronage, I had no doubt of 
 success. The facility, with which my request was granted, shewed with 
 what Benevolence you were ready to relieve the wants, and soothe the 
 languor of declining Age. But I forbear to enlarge on the subjeft. I 
 am allowed to inscribe such Works as mine to your Lordship, but not 
 to speak the language of my heart ; and thus, while I know what is due 
 to your Virtues, I am bound to consider how little your ear will endure. 
 
 But, my Lord, since Truth itself is suspefled in a Dedication ; since 
 as your Lordship is pleased to say, it is seldom read, and never believed; 
 I hope I may be permitted to descend to an humbler subjeft. Old Age 
 is narrative, and delights in egotism. I beg leave to avail myself of the 
 privilege. The honour of being distinguished by Lord Camden, has 
 put me on better terms with myself; and, though I feel the symptoms 
 natural to a Long Life, I can boast with pride, that I know the value of 
 the obligation, and to whom I am indebted.
 
 Vi DEDICATION. 
 
 My Memory is not so bad, but I can still remember the eminent 
 Lawyer, who figured at the Bar forty years ago, and soon became the 
 chosen Friend of the great Earl of Chatham. I remember him, in 
 the office of Attorney-General, supporting at once the Prerogative of 
 the Crown, and the Rights of the People; a Friend to the Liberty of 
 the Press, yet a Controller of Licentiousness, and a firm Defender of 
 the Principles of the Revolution. I remember the same great Lawyer 
 presiding in the Court of Common Pleas, and I was present on a great 
 occasion, when General Warrants, that subtle invention of a former 
 age, died at his feet. 
 
 I remember the same great Judge in the highest Court of Judicature, 
 deciding, like Lord Hardwick, with even-handed Justice; and, after a 
 regular gradation of Honours, I now see him President of the Council, 
 •where he sits in judgement, dispensing Law and Equity to all His 
 Majesty's Foreign Dominions — and, as Shakespeare says, bearing his 
 faculties so meek, so char in his great Office, that a pure administration of 
 justice is acknowledged to flow through all parts of the British Empire. 
 
 My Memory, my Lord, is not exhausted, but I hasten to a recent 
 
 faft. When the Libel-Bill was depending in Parliament, I know who 
 
 was the Orator in the Cause of the People, and the Constitution. — By 
 that Bill, which, with your Lordship's support, has happily passed into 
 a Law, I saw it determined, that, when a Jury is sworn to try the 
 matters in issue. Craft and Chicane are no longer to teach Twelve Men 
 to perjure themselves, by resigning the chief part of their duty to the 
 discretion of the Court, which has been emphatically called. The Law 
 OF Tyrants. 
 
 But it is not for me to spread the Canvass, and injure the Portrait by 
 such weak colouring as mine. History, my Lord, will have a better 
 Memory' than I have. In that Page, Posterity will be taught to honour 
 the Statesman, whose comprehensive mind embraces the Light of 
 Reason, the Principles of Natural Justice, and the Spirit of the British 
 Constitution. 
 
 These are the things, my Lord, which, with every Briton, I remem- 
 ber with pleasure. In such a case, it is aiatural to boast of my Memory,
 
 DEDICATION. VU 
 
 Tliat I may, for the same purpose, retain that faculty to the end of my 
 clays, and that the Memory of Loud Camden, and the obligations which 
 he has bestowed upon me, may be the last to fade from my mind, is a 
 consummation devoutly to be wished for. 
 
 I have the Honour to remain. 
 My Lord, 
 Your Lordship's most grateful. 
 
 And most devoted humble Servant, 
 
 loth Decemiir, 1792. CHARLES MACKLIN.
 
 Dramatis Persona. 
 
 COVENT- GARDEN. 
 
 SIR PERTINAX MACSYCOPHANT, 
 EGERTOX, — — 
 
 LORD LUMBERCOURT, — 
 
 SIDNEY, — — 
 
 MEiyiLLE, — — 
 
 COUNSELLOR PLAUSIBLE, 
 SERJE/iNT EtTHERSIDE, 
 SAM, _ _ _ 
 
 JOHN, — — 
 
 TOMLINS, — — 
 
 LADY MACSrCOPIUNT, — 
 
 LADY RODOLPHA LUMBERCOURT, 
 CONSTANTIA, — — 
 
 BETTY HINT, — — 
 
 NANNY, — — — 
 
 Men. 
 
 Mr. WILSON. 
 Mr. lewis. 
 Mr. THOMPSON. 
 Mr. AlCFCIN. 
 Mr. hull. 
 Mr. CUBITT. 
 Mr. MACRE.'^DY. 
 Mr. ledger. 
 Mr. rock. 
 Mr. EVATT. 
 
 Women. 
 
 Miss PLATT. 
 Mrs. pope. 
 Mrs. mountain. 
 Mrs. rock. 
 Mrs. DEVERETT.
 
 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 
 
 ACr I. SCENE I. 
 
 A Library. Enter Betty and Sam. 
 
 Betty. 
 
 1 HE Postman is at the gate, Sam ; pray step and take in the letters. 
 Sam. John the gardener is gone for them, Mrs. Betty. 
 Bet. Bid John bring them to me, Sam : tell him I am here in the 
 Library. 
 
 Sam. ril send him to your ladyship in a crack, madam. [_Exit. 
 
 Enter Nanny. 
 
 Nan. Miss Constantia desires to speak to you, Mrs, Betty. 
 
 Bet. How is she now > any better, Nanny ? 
 
 Nan. Something ; but very low spirited still. I verily believe it is as 
 you say. 
 
 Bet. O ! I would take my book oath of it. I can not be deceived in 
 that point, Nanny. — Ay, ay, her business is done, she is certainly breed- 
 ing, depend upon it. 
 
 A'^/7. Why so the housekeeper thinks too. 
 
 Bet. Nay, I know the father — the man that ruined her. 
 
 Nan. The deuce you do ? 
 
 Bet. As sure as you are alive, Nanny ; — or I am greatly deceived, — 
 and yet — I can't be deceived neither. — Was not that the cook that came 
 gallopping so hard over the common just now ? 
 
 Nan. The same: — how very hard he gallopped ; — he has been but 
 three quarters of an hour, he says, coming from Hyde Park Corner. 
 
 Bet. And what time will the family be down ? 
 
 B
 
 2 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Act J. 
 
 Nan. He has orders to have dinner ready by five ; there are to be 
 lawyers and a great deal of company here — he fancies there is to be 
 a private wedding to night between our young Master Charles and 
 Lord Lumbercourt's Daughter, the Scotch lady, who he says is just 
 come post from Bath in order to be married to him. 
 
 Bet. Ay, ay — Lady Rodolpha — nay, like enough — for I know it 
 has been talked of a good while ; — well, go tell Miss Constantia that 
 I will be with her immediately. 
 
 Nan. I shall, Mrs, Betty. [^Exit. 
 
 Bet. Soh ! I find they all believe the impertinent creature is breeding 
 —that's pui'e ! it will soon reach my lady's ears, I warrant. 
 
 Enter John. 
 
 Well, John, ever a letter for me ? 
 
 John. No, Mrs. Betty, but here is one for Miss Constantia. 
 
 Bet. Give it me. — Hum !— my lady's hand. 
 
 yohn. And here is one which the postman says is for my young mas- 
 ter—but it's a strange direction . {^reads.'} ' To Charles Egerton, Esq.' 
 
 Bet. O ! yes, yes, — that is for Master Charles, John : — for he has 
 dropped his father's name of Macsycophant, and has taken up that of 
 Egerton — the parliament has ordered it. 
 
 JoJm. The parliament ! — pr'ythee, why so, Mrs. Betty ? 
 
 Bet. Why you must know, John, that my lady, his mother, was an 
 Egerton by her father : — she stole a match with our old master, for 
 which all her family on both sides have hated Sir Pertinax and the whole 
 crew of the Macsycophants ever since. 
 
 John. Except Master Chai'les, Mrs. Betty. 
 
 Bet. O ! tliey dote upon him, though he is a Macsycophant — he is 
 the pride of all my lady's family :— and so, John, — my lady's uncle. Sir 
 Stanley Egerton dying an old bachelor, and, as I said before, mortally 
 hating our old master, and all the crew of the Maasycophants, left his 
 whole estate to Master Charles, who was his godson, — but on condition 
 that he should drop his father's name of Macsycophant, and take up that 
 of Egerton — and that is the reason, John, why the parliament has made 
 him change his name.
 
 Act I. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 3 
 
 John. I am glad that Master Charles has got the estate, however — 
 for he is a sweet tempered gentleman. 
 
 Bet. As ever lived : — but come, John, as I know you love Miss Con- 
 stantia, and are fond of being where she is — I will make you happy ; — 
 you shall carry her letter to her. 
 
 John. Shall I, Mrs. Betty .? — I am very much obliged to you. — Where 
 is she ? 
 
 Bet. In the housekeeper's room settling the dessert.— Give me Mr. 
 Egerton's letter, and I'll leave it on the table in his dressing room. I 
 see it's from his brother Sandy. — So, — now go and deliver your letter to 
 your sweetheart, John. 
 
 John. That I will ; — and I am much beholden to you for the favour 
 of letting me carry it to her : — for though she should never have me, 
 yet I shall always love her, and wish to be near her, she is so sweet a 
 creature. — Your servant, Mrs. Betty. [JExit. 
 
 Bet. Your servant, John. Ha, ha, ha! poor fellow! he perfe6tly dotes 
 on her — and daily follows her about with nosegays and fruit and the 
 first of every thing in the season. — Ay, and my young Master Charles 
 too is in as bad a way as the gardener : — in short — every body loves 
 her, — and that's one reason why I hate her. — For my part, I wonder 
 what the deuce the men see in her — a creature that was taken in for 
 charity. — I am sure she's not so handsome. — 1 wish she was out of the 
 family once : — if she was, I might then stand a chance of being my lady's 
 favourite myself ; — ay, and perhaps of getting one of my young masters 
 for a sweetheart, — or at least the chaplain : but as to him, there would 
 be no such great catch if I should get him. I will try for him however, 
 — and my first step shall be to tell the doctor all I have discovered 
 about Constantia's intrigues with her spark at Hadley. — Yes, — that will 
 do, — for the do6lor loves to talk with me, — loves to hear me talk too, 
 — and I verily believe — he, he, he ! — that he has a sneaking kindness 
 for me, — and this story will make him have a good opinion of my ho- 
 nesty, — and that, I am sure, will be one step towards O ! bless me, — 
 
 here he comes, — and my young master with him. — I'll watch an oppor- 
 tunity to speak to him as soon as he is alone, — for I will blow her up I 
 am resolved, — as great a favourite and as cunning as she is. {Exit.
 
 4 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. A^ I. 
 
 Enter Egerton /;/ great warmth and emotion ; Sidney following, as in 
 
 conversation. 
 
 Sid. Nay, clear Charles, but why are you so impetuous ? — why do 
 you break from me so abruptly ? 
 
 Eger. \Jf''ith great warmth r\ I have done, sir, — you have refused. — 
 I have nothing more to say upon the subjedl. — 1 am satisfied. 
 
 Sid. [Jf'ith a glozv of tender friendship.'^ Come, come — correal 
 this warmth, — it is the only weak ingredient in your nature, and you 
 ought to watch it carefully. If I am wrong, — I will submit without re- 
 serve ; — but consider the nature of your request — and how it would af- 
 fect me : — from your earliest youth, your father has honoured me with 
 the care of your education, and the general condu6l of your mind ; 
 and, however singular and morose his temper may be toothers, — to me 
 — he has ever been respedlful and liberal. — I am now under his roof 
 too, — and because I will not abet an unwarrantable passion by an abuse 
 of my sacred chara61:er, in marrying you beneath your rank, — and in 
 direft opposition to your father's hopes and happiness, — you blame me 
 — you angrily break from me — and call me unkind. 
 
 Eger. [JVith tenderness and convi&ion.'^ Dear Sidney, — for my warmth 
 I stand condemned : but for my marriage with Constantia, I think I 
 can justify it upon every principle of filial duty, — honour, — and worldly 
 prudence. 
 
 Sid. Only make that appear, Charles, and you know you may com- 
 mand me. 
 
 Eger. [JFith great flial regret r\ I am sensible how tmseemly it 
 appears in a son to descant on the unamiable passions of a parent ; — 
 but, as we are alone, and friends, — I cannot help observing in my own 
 defence, — that when a father will not allow the use of reason to any of 
 his family — when his pursuit of greatness makes him a slave abroad — 
 only to be a tyrant at home, — when a narrow partiality to Scotland, on 
 every trivial occasion, provokes him to enmity even with his wife and 
 children, only because they dare give a national preference where they 
 think it most justly due ; — and when, merely to gratify his own ambi- 
 tion, he would marry his son into a family he detests,— [^^;rrt'/ warmth.'}
 
 AH I. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 5 
 
 sure, Sidney, a son thus circumstanced (from the dignity of luiman rea- 
 son and tlie feehngs of a loving heart) has a right — not only to protest 
 against the blindness of a parent, but to pursue those measures that 
 virtue and happiness point out. 
 
 Sid. The violent temper of Sir Pertinax, I own, cannot be defended 
 on many occasions, but still — your intended alliance with Lord Lumber- 
 court 
 
 Eger. \lVith great impatience r\ O! contemptible! — a trifling, quaint, 
 
 haughty, voluptuous, servile tool, — the mere lackey of party and cor- 
 ruption ; who, for the prostitution of near thirty years and the ruin of 
 a noble fortune, has had the despicable satisfa6lion, and the infamous 
 honour — of being kicked up and kicked down — kicked in and kicked 
 out,— just as the insolence, compassion, or convenience of leaders pre- 
 dominated : — and now — being forsaken by all parties, his whole poli- 
 tical consequence amounts to the power of franking a letter, and the 
 right honourable privilege of not paying a tradesman's bill. 
 
 Sid. Well, but, dear Charles, you are not to wed my lord, — but his 
 daughter. 
 
 Eger. Who is as disagreeable to me for a companion, as her father 
 for a friend, or an ally. 
 
 Sid. What — her Scotch accent, I suppose, offends you ? 
 
 Eger. No, upon my honour — not in the least, — I think it entertain- 
 ing in her; — but were.it otherwise — in decency — and indeed in na- 
 tional affe6lion (being a Scotchman myself), I can have no objecfion to 
 her on that account, — besides, she is my near relation. 
 
 Sid. So I understand. But pray, Charles, how came Lady Rodolpha, 
 who, I find, was born in England, to be bred in Scotland } 
 
 Eger. From the dotage of an old, formal, obstinate, stiff, rich, Scotch 
 grandmother, who, upon a promise of leaving this grandchild all her 
 fortune, would have the girl sent to her to Scotland, when she was but a 
 year old, and there has she been ever since, bred up with this old lady 
 in all the vanity and unlimited indulgence that fondness and admiration 
 could bestow on a spoiled child — a fancied beauty and a pretended 
 wit. 
 
 Sid. O ! you are too severe upon her.
 
 6 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Acl I. 
 
 Eger. I do not think so, Sidney ; for she seems a being expressly 
 fashioned by nature to figure in these days of levity and dissipation : — 
 her spirits are inexhaustible : her parts strong and lively ; with a sa- 
 gacity that discerns, and a talent not unhappy in painting out the weak 
 side of whatever comes before her : — but what raises her merit to the 
 hio-hest pitch in the laughing world is her boundless vanity and spirits 
 in the exertion of those talents, which often render her much more ridi- 
 culous than the most whimsical of the characters she exposes — \jn a tone of 
 friendly affe^wn.'^ and is this a woman fit to make my happiness ? — this 
 the partner that Sidney would recommend to me for life ? — to you, 
 who best know me, I appeal. 
 
 Sid. Why, Charles, it is a delicate point, — unfit for me to determine 
 besides, your father has set his heart upon the match, 
 
 Eger. [^Impatiently.'^ All that I know : — but still I ask and insist upon 
 your candid judgment, — is she the kind of woman that you think could 
 possibly contribute to my happiness ? I beg you will give me an explicit 
 answer. 
 
 Sid. The subje6l is disagreeable ; — but, since I must speak, — I do not 
 think she is. 
 
 Eger. [In a start of friendly rapture. "2 I l^now you do not ; and I am 
 sure you never will advise the match. 
 
 Sid. I never did. 1 never will. 
 
 Eger. [With a start of joy.'} You make me Jiappy, — which I assure 
 you I never could be with your judgment against me in this point. 
 
 Sid. And yet, Charles, give me leave to observe, that Lady Rodolpha, 
 with all her ridiculous and laughing vanity, has a goodness of heart, 
 and a kind of vivacity that not only entertains, — but upon seeing her 
 two or three times, she improves upon you ; and when her torrent of 
 spirits abates, and she condescends to converse gravely — you really like 
 
 her. 
 
 Eger. Why ay ! she is sprightly, good humoured, and, though 
 whimsical, and often too high in her colouring of characters, and in the 
 trifling business of the idle world, — yet I think she has principles, and 
 
 a good heart, [zvith a glow of conjugal tenderness.} but in a partner 
 
 for life, Sidney, (you know your own precept, and your own judg-
 
 J^ I. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 7 
 
 ment) — affe6lion, capricious in its nature, must have something even in 
 the external manners, — nay in the very mode, not only of beauty, but 
 of virtue itself — which both heart and judgment must approve, or our 
 happiness in that delicate point cannot be lasting. 
 
 Sid. I grant it. 
 
 Eger- And that mode, — that amiable essential I never can meet — but 
 in Constantia. You sigh. 
 
 Sid. No. I only wish that Constantia had a fortune equal to yours. 
 But pray, Charles, suppose I had been so indiscreet as to have agreed 
 to marry you to Constantia — would she have consented, think you ? 
 
 Eger. That I cannot say positively, — but I suppose so. 
 
 Sid. Did you never speak to her upon that subje6l then ? 
 
 Eger. In general terms only ; — never direftly requested her consent 
 in form, — \l.^e starts into a tvarmth of amorous resolution.'^ but I will this 
 very moment — for I have no asylum from my father's arbitrary design, 
 but my Constantia's arms. — Pray do not stir from hence : — I will return 
 instantly. I know she will submit to your advice — and I am sure you 
 will persuade her to my wish, as my life, my peace, my earthly happi- 
 ness, depend on my Constantia. \JE.xit. 
 
 Sid. Poor Charles ! he little dreams that I love Constantia too, — but 
 to what degree I knew not myself, till he importuned me to join their 
 hands. — Yes — I love — but must not be a rival; for he is dear to me as 
 fraternal affinity : — my benefa6lor — my friend — and that name is sacred : 
 — it is our better self ; and ever ought to be preferred ; — for the man who 
 gratifies his passions at the expence of his friend's happiness, wants but 
 a head to contrive — for he has a heart capable of the blackest vice. 
 
 Enter Betty, running up to Sidney. 
 
 Bet. I beg pardon for my intrusion, sir. I hope, sir, I do not disturb 
 your reverence ! 
 
 Sid. Not in the least, Mrs. Betty. 
 
 Bet. I humbly beg you will excuse me, sir : — but I wanted to break my 
 mind to your honour — about a scruple that lies upon my conscience : — 
 and indeed I should not have presumed to trouble you, sir, but that I 
 know you are my young master's friend, — and my old master's friend,—
 
 S THE MAN OF THE WORLD. A£l / 
 
 and indeed — a friend to the whole family : \jum up to him and curtsies 
 very /ozc.^ for to give you your due, sir, you are as good a preacher as 
 over went into a pulpit. 
 
 Sid. Ha, ha, ha ! do you think so, Mrs. Betty.? 
 
 Bet. Ay, in truth do I ; and as good a gentleman too as ever came into 
 a family, and one that never gives a servant a bad word, nor that does 
 any one an ill turn neither behind their back, nor before their face. 
 
 Sid. Ha, ha, ha ! why you are a mighty well spoken woman, Mrs. 
 Betty, and I am mightily beholden to you for your good character of me. 
 
 Bet. Indeed, sir, it is no more than you deserve, and what all the 
 world and all the servants say of you. 
 
 Sid. I am much obliged to them, Mrs. Betty. But pray what are 
 
 your commands with me ? 
 
 Bet. Why, I'll tell you, sir: — to be sure I am but a servant, as a body 
 may say — and every tub should stand upon its own bottom ; — but — 
 Vjbe takes hold of him familiarly , looks first about cautiously, ami speaks in a lozv 
 familiar tone of great secrecy. '^ my young master is now in the china room 
 in close conference with Miss Constantia ; — I know what they are about — 
 but that is no business of mine — and therefore I made bold to listen a 
 little — because you know, sir, one would be sure — before one took 
 away any body's reputation. 
 
 Sid. Very true, Mrs. Betty, — very true indeed. 
 
 Bet. O I heavens forbid that I should take away any yoimg woman's 
 good name — unless I had a good reason for it ; but, sir, \jvith great solem- 
 nity.^ if I am in this place alive, as I listened, with my ear close to the 
 door, — I heard my young master ask Miss Constantia the plain marriage 
 question — upon which I started — and trembled — nay my very conscience 
 stirred within me so, — that I could not help peeping through the key- 
 hole. 
 
 Sid. Ha, ha, ha ! and so your conscience made you peep through the 
 key-hole, Mrs. Betty ? 
 
 Bet. It did indeed, sir : and there I saw my young master upon 
 
 his knees lord bless us and what do you think he was 
 
 doing? kissing her hand as if he would cat it and protesting 
 
 and assuring her= he knew that you, sir, would consent
 
 A^ I. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 9 
 
 to the match and then the tears ran down her cheeks as 
 
 fast 
 
 Sid. Ay! 
 
 Bet. They did indeed. I would not tell your reverence a lie for the 
 world. 
 
 Sid. I believe it, Mrs. Betty — and what did Constantia say to all this ? 
 
 Bet. O ! — O ! she is sly enough ; she looks as if butter would not 
 melt in her mouth ; but all is not gold that glitters ; smooth water, you 
 know, sir, runs deepest : — I am sorry my young master makes such a 
 fool of himself — but — um ! — take my word for it, he is not tlie man, — 
 for though she looks as modest as a maid at a christening — ^Jjesitating."! 
 yet — ah ! — when sweethearts meet — in the dusk of the evening — and 
 stay together a whole hour — in the dark grove — and embrace — and kiss 
 — and weep at parting, — why then you know, sir, it is easy to guess all 
 the rest. 
 
 Sid. Why did Constantia meet any body in this manner ? 
 
 Bet. {^Starting zvitb surprise. '2 O ! heavens ! — I beg, sir, you will not 
 misapprehend me ; for I assure you I do not believe they did any harm 
 — that is, not in the grove — at least, not when I was there ; — and she may 
 be honestly married for aught I know. — O ! lud ! sir, — I would not say 
 an ill thing of Miss Constantia for the world, — for to be sure she is a good 
 creature : — 'tis true, my lady took her in for charity, and indeed has bred 
 her up to the music and figures ; — ay, and reading all the books about 
 Homer — and Paradise — and Gods and Devils, — and every thing in the 
 world, — as if she had been a dutchess : but some people are born with 
 luck in their mouths, and then — as the saying is — you may throw them 
 into the sea — [^deports herself most affe^edly .'^ but — if I had had dancing 
 masters — and music masters — and French Mounseers to teach me — I 
 believe I might have read the globes, and the maps, — and have danced, 
 — and have been as clever as other folks. 
 
 Sid. Ha, ha, ha ! no doubt on it, Mrs. Betty ; — but you mentioned 
 something of a dark walk, — kissing, — a sweetheart and Constantia. 
 
 Bet. [_Starts into a cautious hypocrisy.'} O ! lud ! sir — I don't know any 
 thing of the matter: she may be very honest for aught I know : I only 
 
 C
 
 10 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Acl 1. 
 
 say, that they did meet in the dark walk, — and all th-^ servants observe 
 that Miss Constantia wears her stays very loose — looks very pale — is 
 sick in a morning, and after dinner : and, as sure as my name is Betty 
 Hint, something has happened that I won't name, — but — nine months 
 hence — a certain person in this family may ask me to stand godmother, 
 for 1 think I know what's what, when I see it as well as another. 
 
 Sid. No doubt you do, Mrs. Betty, 
 
 Bet. {_Cnes, turns up her eyes, and a^s a most friendly hypocrisy.'^ I do, 
 indeed, sir. I am very sorry for Miss Constantia. I never thought she 
 would have taken such courses — for in truth I love her as if she was my 
 own sister ; and though all the servants say that she is breeding — yet, for 
 my part, I don't believe it ; but — one must speak according to one's 
 conscience, you know, sir. 
 
 Sid. 1 I see you do. 
 
 Bet. \^Going and returning.'^ I do indeed, sir : and so your servant, sir — 
 but — I hope your worship won't mention my name in this business ; — 
 or that you had any item from me. 
 
 Sid. I shall not, Mrs. Betty. 
 
 Bet. For, indeed, sir, I am no busybody, nor do I love fending nor 
 proving ; and, I assure you, sir, I hate all tittling and tattling, and gos- 
 sipping and backbiting, and taking away a person's good name. 
 
 Sid. I observe you do, Mrs. Betty. 
 
 Bet. I do indeed, sir. I am the farthest from it in the world. 
 
 Sid. 1 dare say you are. 
 
 Bet. I am indeed, sir, and so your humble servant. 
 
 Sid. Your servant, Mrs. Betty. 
 
 Bet. 'i^Aside, in great exultation.'^ So! I see he believes every word I 
 say, — that's charming. I'll do her business for her I am resolved. 
 
 [^Ej-it. 
 
 Sid. What can this ridiculous creature mean by her dark walk, — her 
 private spark, her kissing, and all her slanderous insinuations against 
 Constantia, whose condudl is as unblamable as innocence itself.? I see 
 envy is as malignant in a paltry waiting wench, as in the vainest or 
 most ambitious lady of the court. — It is always an infallible mark of the
 
 A£t I. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 11 
 
 basest nature ; and merit in the lowest, as well as in the highest station, 
 must feel the shaft of envy's constant agents — falsehood and slander. 
 
 Enter Sam. 
 
 Swn. Sir, Mr.Egerton and Miss Constantia desire to speak with you 
 in the china room. 
 
 Sid. Very well, Sam. \^Exit Sam.^ I will not see them. — What is to 
 be done ? inform his father of his intended marriage, — no — that must 
 not be ; — for the overbearing nature and ambitious policy of Sir Perti- 
 nax would exceed all bounds of moderation ; for he is of a sharp, shrewd, 
 imforgiving nature. — He has banished one son already, only for daring 
 to differ from his judgment concerning the merits of a Scotch and an 
 English historian. — But this young man must not marry Constantia. — 
 Would his mother were here ! She, I suppose, knows nothing of his in- 
 discretion: — but she shall, the moment she comes hither. I know it 
 will offend him •; no matter : it is our duty to offend, — when that offence 
 saves the man we love from a precipitate a6lion, which the world must 
 condemn, and his own heart, perhaps, upon refle6lion, for ever repent : 
 yes, — I must discharge the duty of my function, and of a friend, — 
 though I am sure to lose the man, whom I intend to serve. \^Ej:it. 
 
 END OF THE FIRST ACT.
 
 12 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Act 11. 
 
 AC-TIL SCENE I. 
 
 Enter Const antia and Egerton. 
 
 Cofi. Mr. Sidney is not liere, sir. 
 
 Eger. I assure you I left him, and begged he would stay till 1 
 returned. 
 
 Con. His prudence, you see, sir, has made him retire ; therefore we 
 had better defer the subje6l till he is present ; in the mean time, sir, 
 I hope you will permit me to mention an affair that has greatly alarmed 
 and perplexed me : 1 suppose you guess what it is. 
 
 Eger. I do not, upon my word. 
 
 Con. That is a little strange. — You know, sir, that you and Mr. Sid- 
 ney did me the honour of breakfasting with me this morning in my 
 little study. 
 
 Eger. We had that happiness, madam. 
 
 Con. Just after you left me, upon opening my book of accompts, 
 which lay in the drawer of the reading desk, to my great surprise, I there 
 found this case of jewels, containing a most elegant pair of ear-rings, a 
 necklace of great value, and two bank bills in this pocket book, tlie 
 mystery of which, sir, I presume you can explain. 
 
 Eger. I can. 
 
 Con. They were of your conveying then ? 
 
 Eger. They were, madam. 
 
 Con. I assure you they startled and alarmed me. 
 
 Eger. I hope it was a kind alarm ; — such as blushing virtue feels, 
 when, with her hand, she gives her heart and last consent. 
 
 Con. It was not indeed, sir, 
 
 Eger. Do not say so, Constantia : come — be kind at once ; — my peace 
 and worldly bliss depend upon this moment. 
 
 Con. What would you have me do ^ 
 
 Eger. What love and virtue di6late. 
 
 Con. O ! sir, experience but too severely proves, that such unequal 
 matches as ours, never produce aught but contempt and an^er in parents.
 
 ABII. THE MAN OF THE \VORLD. 13 
 
 censui'e from the world, and a long train of sorrow and repentance ia 
 the wretched parties, — which is but too often entailed upon their hapless 
 issue. 
 
 Eger. But that, Constantia, can not be our case : my fortune is in- 
 dependent and ample, — equal to luxury and splendid folly. I have a 
 right to choose the partner of my heart. 
 
 Con. But I have not, sir. — I am a dependant on my lady, — a poor, 
 forsaken, helpless orphan — your benevolent mother found me — took 
 me to her bosom — and there supplied my parental loss — with every 
 tender care — indulgent dalliance, and with all the sweet persuasion that 
 maternal fondness, religious precept, polished manners, and hourly ex- 
 ample could administer — she fostered me : [iveeps.'} and shall I now 
 turn viper, — and with black ingratitude sting the tender heart that 
 thus hath cherished me ? shall 1 seduce her house's heir, and kill her 
 peace ? — No — though 1 loved to the mad extreme of female fondness ; 
 though every worldly bliss that woman's vanity or man's ambition could 
 desire, followed the indulgence of my love — and all the contempt and 
 misery of this life, the denial of that indulgence — I would discharge my 
 duty to my benefadlress — my earthly guardian, my more than parent. 
 
 Eger. My dear Constantia, your prudence, your gratitude, and the 
 cruel virtue of your self-denial, do but increase my love, my admiration, 
 and my misery. 
 
 Con. Sir, I must beg you will give me leave to return these bills and 
 jewels. 
 
 Eger. Pray do not mention them : — sure my kindness and esteem 
 may be indulged so far without suspicion or reproach. — I beg you will 
 accept of them, — nay — I insist. 
 
 Con. I have done, sir : my station here is to obey. — I know, sir, they 
 are gifts of a virtuous mind — and mine shall convert them to the ten- 
 derest, and most grateful use. 
 
 Eger. Hark ! I hear a coach : — it is my father. — Dear girl, retire and 
 compose yourself. — I will send Sidney and my lady to you, and by 
 their judgment we will be directed: will that satisfy you? 
 
 Con. I can have no will but my lady's. — With your leave I will retire ; 
 I would not see her in this confusion.
 
 14 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. AB II. 
 
 Eger. Dear girl, adieu ! and think of love, of happiness, and the man 
 who never can be blest without you. [^Exit Constantia, 
 
 Enter Sam. 
 
 Sam . Sir Pertinax and my lady are come, sir, — and my lady desires 
 to speak with you in her own room : — oh ! here she is, sir. \^Exit. 
 
 Enter Lady Macsycophant. 
 
 Lady Mac. \^In great confusion and distress.'^ Dear child, I am glad to 
 see you : why did you not come to town yesterday to attend the levee ? 
 your father is incensed to the uttermost at your not being there. 
 
 Eger. \^Tf'lth great warmth.'} Madam, it is with extreme regret I tell 
 you, that I can no longer be a slave to his temper, his politics, and his 
 scheme of marrying me to this woman, — therefore you had better con- 
 sent at once to my going out of the kingdom, and my taking Constan- 
 tia with me, for without her I never can be happy. 
 
 Lady Mac. As you regard my peace, or your own chara6ler, I beg you 
 will not be guilty of so rash a step. — ^You promised me you never would 
 marry her without my consent. — I will open it to your father. — Pray, 
 dear Charles, be ruled : — let me prevail. 
 
 Sir Pertinax. {JVithout, in great anger!} 
 
 Sir Per. Sir, wull ye do as ye are bid — and baud your gab, you 
 rascal. — You are so full of gab, you scoundrel. — ^Take the chesnut geld- 
 ing, I say, and return to town dire6fly, and see what is become of my 
 Lord Lumbercourt. 
 
 Lady Mac. Here he comes. — I will get out of his way. — But I beg, 
 Charles, while he is in this ill humour that you will not oppose him, 
 let him say what he will — when his passion is a little cool, I will return, 
 and try to bring him to reason : but do not thwart him. 
 
 Eger. Madam, I will not. \!Exit Lady Mac. 
 
 Sir Per. {JVithout.} Here, you Tomlins, where is my son Egerton ? 
 
 Tom. \lVithout.'} In the library, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. [JVithout.'} As soon as the lawyers come, be sure bring me 
 word. {^Enters with great haughtiness, and in anger. Egerton bows
 
 AB II. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 15 
 
 two or three times inost submissively loiv.'^ Weel, sir ! — vary weel ! — vary 
 weel ! — are nat ye a fine spark ? are nat ye a fine spark, I say ? — ah ! 
 
 you are a so you wou'd not come up till the levee ? 
 
 Eger. Sir, I beg your pardon — but — I was not very well ; besdes I 
 did not think my presence there was necessary. 
 
 Sir Per. {^Snapping him iip."^ Sir, it was necessary — I tauld you it was 
 necessary — and, sir, I must now tell you, that the whole tenor of jour 
 conducl is most offensive. 
 
 Eger. I am sorry you think so, sir ; I am sure I do not intend to 
 offend you. 
 
 Sir Per. I care not what you intend. — Sir, I tell you, you do offend. 
 "What is the meaning of this conduft , sir ? negleiSl the levee ! — 'sdeath, 
 sir, you — what is your reason, I say, for thus negle6ling the levee, and 
 disobeying my commands ? 
 
 Eger. [JFith a stifled, filial resentment.^ Sir, I am not used to levees : 
 nor do I know how to dispose of myself, — nor what to say, or do, in 
 such a situation. 
 
 Sir Per. \lVith a proud, angry resentment. "^^ Zounds ! sir, do you nat 
 see what others do ? gentle and simple, — temporal and spiritual, — lords, 
 members, judges, generals, and bishops, — aw crowding, bustling, and 
 pushing foremost intill the middle of the circle, and there waiting, watch- 
 ing, and striving to catch a look or a smile fra the great mon, — which 
 they meet — wi' an amicable reesibility of aspe6f — a modest cadence of 
 body, and a conciliating co-operation of the whole mon, — which ex- 
 presses an officious promptitude for his service — and indicates, that they 
 luock upon themselves as the suppliant appendages of his power, and 
 the enlisted Swiss of his poleetical fortune ; — this, sir, is what you 
 ought to do, — and this, sir, is what I never once omitted for these 
 five and thraty years, — let who would be minister. 
 
 Eger. \^Aside.'2 Contemptible ! 
 
 Sir Per. What is that you mutter, sir ? 
 
 Eger. Only a slight refle6lion, sir, not relative to you. 
 
 Sir Per. Sir, your absenting yourself fra the levee at this jun<?ture is 
 suspeecious ; it is looked upon as a kind of disaffection, — and aw 
 your countrymen are highly offended at your conduct, for, sir.
 
 16 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Act II. 
 
 they do not look upon you as a friend or a well-wislicr either to Scot- 
 land or Scotchmen. 
 
 Eger. [JVith a quick xvarmth.'} Then, sir, they wrong me, 1 assure you, 
 — but pray, sir, in what particular can I be charged — either with cold- 
 ness or offence to my country ? 
 
 Sir Per. Why, sir, ever since your mother's uncle. Sir Stanly Eger- 
 ton, left you this three thousand pounds a year, and that you have, in 
 compliance with his will, taken up the name of Egerton, they think you 
 are grown proud ; — that you have estranged yourself fra the Macsyco- 
 phants — have associated with your mother's family — with the oppo- 
 
 seetion, and with those who do not wish well till Scotland ; besides, 
 
 sir, the other day, in a conversation at dinner at your cousin Campbel 
 M'Kenzie's, before a whole table-full of your ain relations, did not you 
 publicly wish a total extinguishment of aw party, and of aw national 
 
 distin6lions whatever, relative to the three kingdoms ? [JFith great 
 
 anger. ^ And you blockhead — was that a prudent wish before so many 
 of your ain countrymen ? — or was it a filial language to hold before me ? 
 
 Eger. Sir, with your pardon, I cannot think it unfilial or imprudent. 
 [JVith a most patriotic warmth.'^ I own I do wish — most ardently wish 
 for a"total extin6tion of all party : particularly^-that those of English, 
 Irish, and Scotch might never more be brought into contest or compe- 
 tition, unless, like loving brothers, in generous emulation, for one com- 
 mon cause. 
 
 Sir Per. How, sir ! do you persist ? what ! — would you banish aw 
 party, and aw distin6tion between English, Irish, and your ain coun- 
 trymen ? 
 
 Eger. \lVitb great dig7iity of spirit."^ I would, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. Then damn you, sir, — you are nai true Scot. — Ay, sir, you 
 may look as angry as you will, — but again I say — you are nai true Scot. 
 
 Eger. Your pardon, sir, I think he is the true Scot, and the true 
 citizen, who wishes equal justice to the merit and demerit of every subje6l 
 of Great Britain ; amongst whom I know but of two distin6fions. 
 
 Sir Per. Weel sir, and what are those .? what are those ? 
 
 Eger. The knave and the honest man. 
 
 Sir Per. Pshaw ! rideeculous.
 
 J^ J J, THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 17 
 
 Eger. And he, who makes any other— let him be of the North, or of 
 the South — of the East, or of the West — in place, or out of place — is au 
 enemy to the whole, and to the virtues of humanity. 
 
 Sir Per. Ay, sir, this is your brother's impudent doftrine — for the 
 whicli, I have banished him for ever fra my presence, my heart, and my 
 
 fortune. Sir, I will have no son of mine, because truly he has been 
 
 educated in an English seminary, presume, under the mask of can- 
 dour, to speak against his native land, or against my principles. 
 
 Eger. I never did — nor do I intend it. 
 
 Sir Per. Sir, I do not believe you — I do not believe you. — But, sir, 
 I know your connexions and associates, and I know too, you have a 
 saucy, lurking prejudice against your ain country: — you hate it ; — yes, 
 your mother, her family, and your bi'other, sir, have aw the same, dark, 
 disafFe6led rankling ; and, by that and their politics together, they will 
 
 be the ruin of you — tlicmselves — and of aw wlio conne6t with them. 
 
 However, nai mair of that now ; — I will talk at large to you about that 
 anon, — In the mean while, sir — notwithstanding your contempt of my 
 advice, and your disobedience till my commands, I will convince you of 
 my paternal attention till your welfare, by my management of this volup- 
 tuary — this Lord Lumbercourt, — whose daughter you are to marry. You 
 ken, sir, that the fellow has been my patron above these five and 
 thraty years. 
 
 Eger. True, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. Vary week — And now, sir, you see, by his prodigality, he is 
 become my dependent ; and accordingly I have made my bargain with 
 him : — the devil a baubee he has in the world but what comes thro' these 
 clutches — for his whole estate, which has three implicit boroughs upon 
 it,' — mark — is now in my custody at nurse ; — the which estate, on my 
 paying ofFhis debts, and allowing him a life rent of five thousand pounds 
 per annum, is to be made over till me for my life, and at my dcatli is to 
 descend till ye and your issue.' — The peerage of Lumbercourt, you ken, 
 will follow of course. — So, sir, you see there ai-e three impleecit boroughs, 
 the whole patrimony of Lumbercourt, and a peerage at one slap. — Why- 
 it is a stroke — a hit — a hit. Zounds! sir, a mon may live a century 
 
 and not make sic an a hit again. 
 
 D
 
 18 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. AB II. 
 
 Eger. It is a very advantageous bargain indeed, sir: — but what will 
 iny lord's family say to it ? 
 
 Sir Per. Why, mon, he cares not if his family were aw at the devil so 
 his luxury is but gratified : — only let him have his race-horse to feed his 
 vanity — his harridan to drink drams with him, scrat his face, and burn 
 his periwig, when she is in her maudlin hysterics, — and three or four 
 discontented patriotic dependents to abuse the ministry, and settle the 
 affairs of the nation, when they are aw intoxicated ; and then, sir, — the 
 fellow has aw his wishes, and aw his wants — in this world — and the 
 next. 
 
 Enter Tomliks. 
 
 Tom. Lady Rodolpha is come, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. And my lord ? 
 
 Tom. Not yet, sir, — he is about a mile behind, the servants say. 
 
 Sir Per. Let me know the instant he arrives. 
 
 Tom. I shall, sir. [Exit. 
 
 Sir Per. Step you out, Charles, and receive Lady Rodolpha ; — and, I 
 desire you will treat her with as much respe6l and gallantry as possible ; 
 for my lord has hinted that you have been very remiss as a lover. — So go, 
 go and receive her. 
 
 Eger. I shall, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. Vary weel, — vary weel ; — a guid lad : go — go and receive her 
 as a lover should. [Exit Egerton.^ Hah ! I must keep a devilish tight 
 hand upon this fallow, I see, — or he will be touched with the patriotic 
 frenzy of the times, and run counter till aw my designs. — I find he has 
 a strong inclination to have a judgment of his ain, independent of mine, 
 in aw political matters ; — but as soon as 1 have finally settled the marriage 
 writings with my lord, I will have a thorough expostulation with my 
 gentleman, I am resolved, — and fix him unalterably in his political con- 
 duct. Ah ! — I am frighted out of my wits, lest his mother's family 
 
 should seduce him to desert to their party, which would totally ruin my 
 whole scheme, and break my heart. — A fine time of day for a blockhead 
 to turn patriot; — when the character is exploded — marked — pro- 
 scribed ; — why the conunon people — the vary vulgar — have found out
 
 ASl IL THE MAN OF TJiE WORLD. 19 
 
 the jest, and laugh at a patriot now-a-days, — just as they do at a conju- 
 rer, — a magician, — or any other impostor in society. 
 
 Enter Tomlins, ami Lord Lvmbercovrt. 
 
 Tom. Lord Limibercourt. {^Exit. 
 
 Lord Lum. Sir Pertinax, I kiss your hand. 
 
 Sir Per. Yoiir lordship's most devoted. 
 
 Lord Lum. Why, you stole a march upon me this morning ; — gave 
 me the slip, Mac ; — tho' I never wanted your assistance more in my life. 
 — I thought you would have called on me. 
 
 Sir Per. My dear lord, I beg ten millions of pardons for leaving town 
 before you ; but 30U ken that your lordship at dinner yesterday settled 
 it that we should meet this morning at the levee. 
 
 Lord Lum. That I acknowledge, Mac. 1 did promise to be there, 
 
 I own. 
 
 Sir Per. You did, indeed. — And accordingly I was at the levee and 
 waited there till every soul was gone, and, seeing you did not come, I 
 concluded that your lordship was gone before. 
 
 Lord Lmn. Why, to confess the truth, my dear Mac, those old sinners. 
 Lord Freakish, General Jolly, Sir Antony Soaker, and two or three more 
 of that set, laid hold of me last night at the opera, — and, as the General 
 says, ' from the intehigenceof my head this morning,' I believe we drank 
 pretty deep ere we departed ; ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Per. Ha, ha, ha ! nay, if you were with that party, my lord, I do 
 not wonder at not seeing yoiu" lordship at the levee. 
 
 Lo7-dLum. The truth is, Sir Pertinax, my fellow let me sleep too long 
 for the levee. — But I wish I had seen you before you left town — I wanted 
 you dreadfully. 
 
 Sir Per. I am heartily sorry that I was not in the way : — but on wliat 
 account did you want me .'' 
 
 Lord Lum. Ha, ha, ha ! a cursed awkward affair. — And, ha, ha, ha ! yet 
 I cann't help laughing at it neither — tho' it vext me confoundedly. 
 
 Sir Per. Vext you, my lord ! Zounds, I wish 1 had been with you : — 
 but, for heaven's sake, my lord, — what was it, that could possibly vex yoiu' 
 lordship }
 
 CO THE MAN^ OF THE WORLD. A6t II. 
 
 Lord Liiin. Why, that impudent, teasing, dunning rascal, Mahogany, 
 my upholsterer. You know the fellow? 
 
 Sir Per. Perfe6lly, my lord. 
 
 Lord Lum. The impudent scoundrel has sued me up to some damned 
 
 kind of a something or other in the law, that I think they call an 
 
 execution. 
 
 Sir Per. The rascal ! 
 
 Lord Lum. Upon which, sir, the fellow, by way of asking pardon — 
 ha, ha, ha! had the modesty to wait on me two or three days ago, to 
 inform my honour — ha, ha, ha ! as he was pleased to dignify me, — that 
 the execution was now ready to be put in force against my honour ; — but 
 that out of respe6l to my honour — as he had taken a great deal of my 
 honour's money — he would not suffer his lawyer to serve it, till he had 
 first informed my honour, because he was not willing to affront my ho- 
 nour : ha, ha, ha ! a son of a whore 1 
 
 Sir Per. I never heard of so impudent a dog. 
 
 Lord Lum. Now, my dear Mac, — ha, ha, ha ! as the scoundrel's apo- 
 logy was so very satisfactory, and his information so very agreeable — I 
 told him that, in honour, I thought that my honour cou'd not do less 
 than to order his honour to be paid immediately. 
 
 Sir Per. Vary weel — vary weel, — you \N'ere as complaisant as the 
 scoundrel till the full, I think, my lord. 
 
 Lo?-dLum. You shall hear, — you shall hear, Mac: — so, sir, with great 
 composure, seeing a smart oaken cudgel that stood very handily in a cor- 
 ner of my dressing room, I ordered two of my fellows to hold the rascal, 
 and another to take the cudgel and return the scoundrers civility with a 
 good drubbing as long as the stick lasted. 
 
 Sir Per. Ha, ha, ha !— admirable !— as guid a stroke of humour as 
 ever I heard of. — And did they drub him, my lord .? 
 
 Lord Lum. Most liberally — most liberally, sir. — And there I thought 
 the affair would have rested, till I should think proper to pay the scoun- 
 drel, — but this morning, just as I was stepping into my chaise, my ser- 
 vants all about me, a fellow, called a tipstaff, stept up and begged the fa- 
 vour of my footman, who threshetl the upholsterer, and of the two that held 
 him, to go along with him upon a little business to my Lord Chief Justice.
 
 A^ 11. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 21 
 
 Sir Per. The devil ! 
 
 Lord Lum. And at the same instant, I, in my tm'n, was accosted by 
 two other very civil scoundrels, who, with a most insolent politeness, 
 begged my pardon, and informed me that I must not go into my own 
 chaise. 
 
 Sir Per. How, my lord ? — not into your ain carnage ? 
 
 Lord Lum. No, sir : for that they, by order of the sheriff, must seize 
 it, at the suit of a gentleman — one Mr, Mahogany, an upholsterer. 
 
 Sir Per. An impudent villain ! 
 
 Lord Lum. It is all true, I assure you ; so you see, my dear Mac, 
 what a damned country this is to live in, where noblemen are obliged 
 to pay their debts, just like merchants, co biers, peasants, or mechanics — 
 is not that a scandal, dear Mac. to the nation ? 
 
 Sir Per. My lord, it is not only a scandal, but a national grievance. 
 
 Lord Lum . Sir, there is not another nation in the world has such a 
 grievance to complain of. Now in other countries were a mechanic to 
 dun, and tease, and behave as this Mahogany has done, — a nobleman 
 might extinguish the reptile in an instant ; and that only at the expence 
 of a few sequins, florins, or louis d'ors, according to the country whei'e 
 the affair happened. 
 
 Sir Per. Vary true, my lord, vary true — and it is monstrous that a 
 mon of your lordship's condition is not entitled to run one of these 
 mechanics through the body, when he is impertinent about his mone}^ ; 
 but our laws shamefully, on these occasions, make no distinction of 
 persons amongst us. 
 
 Lord Lum. A vile policy indeed. Sir Pertinax. — But, sir, the scoundrel 
 has seized upon the house too, that 1 furnished for the girl I took from 
 the opera. 
 
 Sir Per. I never heard of sic an a scoundrel. 
 
 Lord Lum. Ay, but what concerns me most, — I am afraid, ray dear 
 Mac, that the villain will send down to Newmarket, and seize jny string 
 of horses. 
 
 Sir Per. Your string of horses ? zouiids ! we must prevent that at 
 all events : — that would be sic an a disgrace. I will dispatch an 
 express to town directly to put a stop till the rascal's proceedings.
 
 22 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Act 11. 
 
 LordLum. Pr'ythee do, my dear Sir Pertinax. 
 Sir Per. O! it shall be done, my lord. 
 
 Lord Lum. Thou art an honest fellow. Sir Pertinax, upon honour. 
 Sir Per. O ! my lord, it is my duty to oblige your lordship to the 
 utmost stretch of my abeelity. 
 
 Enter Tom l ins. 
 
 Tom. Colonel Toper presents his compliments to you, sir, and havino" 
 no family down with him in the country, he and Captain Hardbottle, if 
 not inconvenient, will do themselves the honour of taking a family 
 dinner with you. 
 
 Sir Per. They are two of our militia officers — does your lordship 
 know them ? 
 
 Lord Lum. By sight only. 
 
 Sir Per. I am afraid, my lord, they will interrupt our business. 
 
 LordLum. Not at all: I should be glad to be acquainted with Toper ; 
 they say he's a damned jolly fellow. 
 
 Sir Per. O ! devilish jolly — devilish jolly : he and the captain are the 
 two hardest drinkers in the county. 
 
 Lord Lwn. So I have heard ; let us have them by all means, Mac : 
 they will enliven the scene. How far are they from you ? 
 
 Sir Per. Just across the meadows — not half a mile, my lord : a step, 
 
 a step. 
 
 Lord Lwn. O ! let us have the jolly dogs, by all means. 
 
 Sir Per. My compliments — I shall be proud of their company. 
 \^Exit Tom. 3 Guif ye please, my lord, we will gang and chat a bit 
 with the women : I have not seen Lady Rodolpha since she returned 
 fra the Bath. I long to have a little news from her about the company 
 there. 
 
 Lord Lum. O ! she'll give you an account of them, I warrant you. 
 
 \^A very loud laugh icithout. 
 
 Lady Rodolpha. [JVithout.^ Ha, ha, ha ! weel I vow, cousin Egerton, 
 you have a vast deal of shrewd humour. — But Lady Macsycophant, 
 which way is Sir Pertinax ? 
 
 Lady Mac. QFiihout.'} Strait forward, madam.
 
 JB II. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 23 
 
 Lord Lum. Here the hair brain comes : it must be her, by the noise. 
 Lady Rod. [JFithout.'} Allons — gude folks — follow me — sans c6re- 
 monie. 
 
 Enter Lady Rodolpha, Lady Macsycophant, Egerton, and Sidney. 
 
 Lady Rod. {Rimnhig up to Sir Per. 3 Sir Pertinax, your most devoted, 
 most obsecjuious, and most obedient vassal. [Curtsies very lozv . 
 
 Sir Per. [Boiving ridiculously loivr\ Lady Rodolpha, down till the 
 ground, my congratulations and duty attend you^ and I should rejoice 
 to kiss your ladyship's footsteps. 
 
 Lady Rod. [Curtsying very lo^v.'^^ O ! Sir Pertinax, your humeelity is 
 most sublimely complaisant : — at present, unanswerable ; — but I shall 
 intensely study to return it — fyfty fald, 
 
 .Sir Per. Your ladyship does me singular honour : — weel, madam — 
 ha ! you look gaily ; — weel, and how — how is your ladyship, after 
 your jaunt till the Bath? 
 
 Lady Rod. Never better, Sir Pertinax : — as weel as youth, health, 
 riotous spirits, and a careless happy heart can make me. 
 
 Sir Per. I am might}' glad till hear it, my lady. 
 
 Lord Lum. Ay, ay — Rodolpha is always in spirits. Sir Pertinax. — 
 Vive la Bagatelle is the philosophy of our family, — ha 1 Rodolpha — ha ? 
 
 Lady Rod. Traith it is, my lord ; and upon honour I am determined 
 it shall never be changed with my consent. Weel I vow — ha, ha, ha! 
 Vive la Bagatelle would be a most brilliant motto for the chariot of a 
 belle of fashion. What say you till my fancy, Lady Macsycophant. 
 
 Lady Mac. It would have novelty at least to recommend it, madam. 
 
 Lady Rod. Which of aw charms is the most delightful that can accom- 
 pany wit, taste, love, or friendship ; — for novelty I take to be the true 
 Jc ne scais quoi of all worldly bliss. Cousin Egerton, shou'd not you like 
 to have a wife with Vive la Bagatelle upon her wedding chariot ? 
 
 Eger. O ! certainly, madam. 
 
 Lady Rod. Yes, I think it would be quite out of the common, and 
 singularly ailegant. 
 
 Eger. Indisputably, madam : — for as a motto is a word to the wise, 
 or rather a broad hint to the whole world of a person's taste and prin-
 
 24 
 
 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Act II. 
 
 ciples, — Vive la Bagatelle would be most expressive at first sight of your 
 ladyship's characteristic. 
 
 Lady Rod. {^Curtsies. ^ O! Maistcr Eger ton, you touch my vary heart 
 with your approbation— ha, ha, ha ! that is the vary spirit of my inten- 
 tion, the instant I commence bride, — Weel ! I am immensely proud that 
 my fancy has the approbation of so sound an understanding, and so 
 polished a taste as that of the all-accomplished [Curtsiea very low.'} 
 Mr. Eo;erton. 
 
 Sir Per. Weel, — but Lady Rodolpha — I wanted to ask your ladyship 
 some questions about the company at the Bath ; — they say you had aw 
 tiie world there. 
 
 Lady Rod. O, yes ! — there was a vary great mob there indeed ; — but 
 vary little company. — Aw Canaille, — except our ain party. — ^The place 
 v^^as crowded with your little purse-proud mechanics ; — an odd kind of 
 queer looking animals that have started intill fortune fra lottery tickets, 
 rich prizes at sea, gambling in Change-Alley, and sic like caprices of 
 fortune ; — and away they aw crowd to the Bath to learn genteelity, and 
 the names, titles, intrigues, and bon-mots of us people of fashion ; ha, 
 ha, ha ! 
 
 Lord Liim. Ha, ha, ha ! I know them ;— I know the things you mean, 
 my dear, extremely well. — I have observed them a thousand times, and 
 wondered where the devil they all came from ; ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Lady Miic. Pray, Lady Rodolpha, what were your diversions at Bath? 
 Lady Rod. Guid traith, my lady, the company were my diversion, — 
 and better nai human follies ever afforded ; ha, ha, ha ! sic an a mixture — 
 and sic oddities, ha, ha, ha ! — a perfe6l Gallimaufry. — Lady Kunegunda 
 M'Kenzie and I used to gang about till every part of this human chaos, 
 on purpose to reconnoitre the monsters and pick up their frivolities ; 
 ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Per. Ha, ha, ha ! why that must have been a high entertainment 
 till your ladyship. 
 
 Lady Rod. Superlative and inexhaustible. Sir Pertinax ; ha, ha, ha ! — 
 Madam, we had in one group — a peer and a sharper, — a dutchess and a 
 pinmaker's wife, — a boarding school miss and her grandmother, — a fat 
 parson, a lean general, and a yellow admiral, — ha, ha, ha ! — aw speak-
 
 ABU. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 25 
 
 ing together — and bawling and wrangling in fierce contention, as if 
 the fame and fortune of aw the parties were to be the issue of the 
 confli6t. 
 
 Sir Per. Ha, ha, ha ! pray, madam, what was the obje6l of their con- 
 tention ? 
 
 Lady Rod. O ! a vary important one, I assure you ; — of no less con- 
 sequence, madam, than how an odd trick at whist was lost, or might have 
 been saved. 
 
 Omiies. Ha, ha, ha! 
 
 Lady Mac. Ridiculous ! 
 
 Lord Lum. Ha, ha, ha! my dear Rodolpha, I have seen that very 
 confli6t a thousand times. 
 
 Sir Per. And so have I, upon honour, my lord. 
 
 Lady Rod. In another party. Sir Pertinax — ha, ha, ha ! we had what 
 was called the cabinet council, which was composed of a duke and a ha- 
 berdasher, — a red hot patriot and a sneering courtier, — a discarded 
 statesman and his scribbling chaplain, — with a busy, bawling, muckle- 
 headed, prerogative lawyer ; — all of whom were every minute ready to 
 gang together by the lugs, about the in and the out meenistry — ha, 
 ha, ha! 
 
 Sir Per. Ha, ha, ha ! weel, that is a droll motley cabinet, I vow. 
 
 Vary whimsical upon honour. But they are aw great politicians at 
 
 Bath, and settle a meenistry there with as much ease as they do the tune 
 of a country dance. 
 
 Lady Rod. Then, Sir Pertinax, in a retired part of the room — in a bye 
 corner — snug — we had a Jew and a bishop 
 
 Sir Per. A Jew and a bishop ! — ha — ha — a devilish guid conne61ion 
 that ; — and pray, my lady, what were they about ? 
 
 Lady Rod. Why, sir, the bishop — was striving to convert the Jew, — 
 while the Jew— by intervals— was slily picking up intelligence fra the 
 bishop about the change in the meenistry, in hopes of making a stroke 
 in the stock. 
 
 Onrnes. Ha, ha, ha! 
 
 Sir Per. Ha, ha, ha ! admirable! admirable! I honour the smouse :— 
 hah ! it was develish clever of him, my lord, — devehsh clever. 
 
 E
 
 2S THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Act 11. 
 
 Lord Lum. Yes, yes — tl\e fellow kept a sharp look-out. — I think it 
 was a fair trial of skill on both sides, Mr. Egerton. 
 
 Eger. True, my lord ; — but the Jew seems to have been in the fairer 
 way to succeed. 
 
 Lord Lum. O! all to nothing, sir; ha, ha, ha! — Well, child, 1 like 
 your Jew and your bisliop much . — It's develish clever. — Let us have the 
 rest of the history, pray, my dear. 
 
 Lady Rod. Guid traith, my lord, the sum total is — that there we aw 
 danced, and wrangled, and flattered, and slandered, and gambled, and 
 cheated, and mingled, and jumbled, and woUoped togethex- — clean and 
 unclean — even like the animal assembly in Noah's ark. 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Lord Lum. Ha, ha, ha 1 — Well, you are a droll girl, Rodolpha, — and, 
 upon my honour, ha, ha, ha ! — you have given us as whimsical a sketch 
 as ever was hit oft". 
 
 Sir Per. All ! yas, my lord, especially the animal assembly in Noah's 
 ark. — It is an excellent pi^lure of the oddities that one meets with at the 
 Batli. 
 
 Lord Lum. Why yes, there is some fancy in it, I think, Egerton ? 
 
 Eger. Very chara6teristic indeed, my lord. 
 
 Lord Lum. What say you, Mr. Sidney? 
 
 Sid. Upon my word, my lord, the lady has made me see the whole 
 assembly in distin6t colours. 
 
 Lady Rod. O ! Maister Sidney, your approbation makes me as vain as 
 a reigning toast before her looking-glass. — " But, Lady Macsycophant, 
 " I cannot help observing, that you have one imcka, unsalutary fashion 
 " here in the South, at your routs, your assemblies, and aw your 
 
 " dancing bouts ; the which I am astonished you do not relegate 
 
 " fra amongst ye. 
 
 " Lady Mac. Pray, madam, what may that be? 
 
 " Lady Rod. Why, your orgeats, capillaires, lemonades, and aw your 
 '• slips and slops, with which you drench your weimbs, when you are 
 " dancing. — Upon honour, they always make a swish'-swash in my 
 " bowels, and give me the wooly- wambles. 
 
 " Omnes. Ha, ha, ha !
 
 AB II. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. (27 
 
 " Lord Lnni. Ho, ho, ho ! — ^you indehcate creature, — why, my dear 
 " Rodoli^ha — ha, ha, ha ! what are you talking about? 
 
 " Lady Rod. Wecl, wecl, my lord, — guin ye laugh till ye brust ; — the 
 " facl is still true. — Now ia Edinburgh — in Edinburgh, my lady — we 
 " have nai sic pinch-gut doings — for there, guid traith, we always have 
 " a guid comfortable dish of cutlets or coUops, or a nice, warm, savory 
 " haggiss, with a guid swig of whiskey punch to recruit our spirits — ■ 
 " after our dancing and sweating. 
 
 " Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 " Sir Per. Ay, and that is much wholesomer. Lady Rodolpha, than aw 
 " their slips and their slops here in the south. 
 
 " Lord Lwn. Ha, ha, ha ! Well, my dear Rodolpha, you are a droll 
 « girl, upon honour, — and very entertaining, I vow ; [He ivhispers.^ — but, 
 " my dear child, — a little too much upon the dancing, and sweating, 
 *' and the wolly-wambles. 
 
 " Omnes. Ha, ha, ha \" 
 
 Enter Tomlins. 
 
 Tom. Colonel Toper and Captain Hardbottle are come, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. O ! vary week — Dinner direftly. 
 
 Tom. It is ready, sir. {Exit, 
 
 Sir Per. My lord, we attend your lordship. 
 
 Lord Lwn. Lady Mac, your ladyship's hand, if you please. 
 
 [_^Exit ivith Lady Macsycophant. 
 
 Sir Per. And here. Lady Rodolpha, is an Arcadian swain that has a 
 hand at your ladyship's devotion. 
 
 Lady Rod. [Giving her hand to Egerton. '2 And I, sir, have one at his. 
 — There, sir : — as to hearts, ye ken, cousin, they are not brought into 
 the account of human dealings now-a-days. 
 
 Eger. O ! madam, they are mere temporary baubles, especially in 
 courtship ; and no more to be depended upon than the weather, or a 
 lottery ticket. 
 
 Lady Rod. Ha, ha, ha ! twa excellent similes, I vow, Mr. Egerton. — 
 Excellent ! for they illustrate the vagaries and inconstancy of my dissi- 
 pated heart as exadlly as if you had meant to describe it. [Exit with Eger.
 
 28 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. JSi II. 
 
 Sir Per. Ha, ha, ha ! what a vast fund of spirits and guid humour 
 she has, Maister Sidney. 
 
 Sid. A great fund indeed, Sir Pertinax. 
 
 Sir Per. Come, let us till dinner. — Hah ! by this time to-morrow, 
 Maister Sidney, I hope we shall have every thing ready for you to put 
 the last hand till the happiness of your friend and pupil ; — and then, sir — 
 my cares will be over for this life : — for as to my other son, I expe6t nai 
 guid of him, nor shou'd I grieve, were I to see him in his coffin. — But 
 this match, — O ! it will make me the happiest of aw human beings. 
 
 [^Exeunt. 
 
 END OF THE SECOND ACT.
 
 Act III. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 19 
 
 ACr III. SCENE I. 
 
 Enter Sir Pert li^ AX and Egertois!. 
 
 Sir Per. [^hi xvarm resentment r\ Zoons! sir, I wull not hear a word 
 about it : — I insist upon it you are wrong : — you shou'd have paid your 
 court till my lord, and not have scrupled swallowing a bumper or twa, 
 or twenty, till oblige him. 
 
 Eger. Sir, I did drink his toast in a bumper. 
 
 Sir Per. Yes — ^you did ; — but how } how .? — -just as a bairn takes 
 physic —with aversions and wry faces, which my lord observed : then, 
 to mend the matter, the moment that he and the colonel got intill a 
 drunken dispute about religion, you slily slunged away. 
 
 Eger. I thought, sir, it was time to go, when my lord insisted upon 
 half pint bumpers. 
 
 Sir Per. Sir, that was not levelled at you, but at the colonel, in order 
 to try his bottom ; but they aw agreed that you and I should di'ink out 
 of smaw o;lasses. 
 
 Eger. But, sir, I beg pardon : — I did not choose to drink any more. 
 
 Sir Per. But zoons ! sir, I tell you there was a necessity for yom- 
 drinking more. 
 
 Eger. A necessity ! in what respedl, pray, sir ? 
 
 Sir Per. Why, sir, I have a certain point to carry, independent of 
 the lawyers, with my lord, in this agreement of your marriage — about 
 which I am afraid we shall have a warm squabble — and therefore I 
 wanted your assistance in it. 
 
 Eger. But how, sir, could my drinking contribute to assist you in 
 your squabble ? 
 
 Sir Per. Yes, sir, it would have contributed — and greatly have con- 
 tributed to assist me. 
 
 Eger. How so, sir ? 
 
 Sir Per. Nay, sir, it might have prevented the squabble entirely ; 
 for as my lord is proud of you for a son-in-law, and is fond of your 
 little French songs, your stories, and your bon-mots, when you are in
 
 30 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. yM III. 
 
 the humour, — and guin you had but staid — and been a httle jolly — 
 and drank half a score bumpers with him, till he got a little tipsy — 
 I am sure, when we had him in that mood, we might have settled the 
 point as I could wish it, among ourselves, before the lawyers came : but 
 now, sir, I do not ken what will be the consequence. 
 
 £ger. But when a man is intoxicated, would that have been a season- 
 able time to settle business, sir ? 
 
 Sir Per. The most seasonable, sir : — for, sir, when my lord is in his 
 cups — ^his suspicion is asleep — and his heart is aw jollity, fun, and 
 guid fellowship ; and sir, can there be a happier moment than that for 
 a bargain, or to settle a dispute with a firiend ? What is it you shrug up 
 your shoulders at, sir ? 
 
 Eger. At my own ignorance, sir ; — for I understand neither the 
 philosophy nor the morality of your doilrine. 
 
 Sir Per. 1 know you do not, sir, — and, what is worse — you never wuU 
 understand it, as you proceed : in one word, Charles, I have often told 
 you, and now again I tell you, once for aw, that the manoeuvres of 
 pliability are as necessary to rise in the world, as wrangling and logical 
 subtlety are to rise at the bar : why you see, sir, I have acquired a noble 
 fortune, a princely fortune — and how do you think I raised it ? 
 
 Eger. Doubtless, sir, by your abilities. 
 
 Sir Per. Doubtless, sir, you are a blockhead : — nai, sir, I'll tell 3'ou 
 how I raised it. Sir, I raised it — by bowing ; [^Bows ridiculously low. "2 
 by bowing: sir, I never could stand straight in the presence of a great 
 man, but always bowed, and bowed, and bowed — as it were by instindl. 
 
 Eger. How do you mean by instinct, sir ? 
 
 Sir Per. How do I mean by instin6l ? why, sir, I mean by — by — by 
 the instinft of interest, sir, which is the universal instincf of mankind. 
 Sir, it is wonderful to think, what a cordial, what an amicable, nay, 
 what an infallible influence, bowing has upon the pride and vanity of 
 human nature. Charles, answer me sincerely, have you a mind to be 
 convinced of the force of my do6lrine, by example and demonstration ? 
 
 Eger Certainly, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. Then, sir, as the greatest favour I can confer upon you, I'll 
 give you a short sketch of the stages of my bowing, — ^as an excitement.
 
 A5l in. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 51 
 
 and a landmark for you to bow be — and as an infallible nostrum to rise 
 in the world. 
 
 Eger. Sir, I shall be proud to profit by your experience. 
 
 Sir Per. Vary weel, sir : sit ye down then, sit you down here : [They 
 sit down.'} — and now, sir, you must recall to your thoughts, that your 
 grandfather was a man, whose penurious income of half pay was the 
 sum total of his fortune ; — and, sir, aw my provision fra him was a 
 modicum of Latin, an expertness in arithmetic, and a short system of 
 worldly coimscl ; the principal ingredients of whicli were, a persevering 
 industry, a rigid economy, a smooth tongue, a pliability of temper, and 
 a constant attention to make every man well pleased witli himself. 
 
 Eger. Very prudent advice, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. Therefore, sir, I lay it before you. — Now, sir, with these 
 materials I set out a raw-boned stripling fra the north, to try my 
 fortune with them here in the south ; and my first step intill the world 
 was, a beggarly clerkship in Sawney Gordon's counting house, here in 
 the city of London, which you'll say afforded but a barren sort of a 
 prospect. 
 
 Eger. It was not a very fertile one indeed, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. The reverse, the reverse : weel, sir, seeing myself in this 
 improfitable situation, I refledfed deeply; I cast about my thoughts 
 morning, noon, and night, and markt every man and every mode of 
 prosperity, — at last I concluded that a matrimonial adventure, prudently 
 conducted, would be the readiest gait I could gang for the bettering of 
 my condition, and accordingly I set about it : now, sir, in this pursuit, 
 beauty ! beauty ! — ah ! beauty often struck mine een, and played about 
 my heart ! and fluttered, and beat, and knocked, and knocked, but the 
 devil an entrance I ever let it get ; — for I observed, sir, that beauty^ — is 
 generally — a proud, vain, saucy, expensive, impertinent sort of a com- 
 modity. 
 
 Eger. Very justly observed, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. And therefore, sir, I left it to prodigals and coxcombs, that 
 could afford to pay for it ; and in its stead, sir, mark ! I looked out for 
 an ancient, weel-jointured, superannuated dowager : — a consumptive, 
 toothless, ptisicky, wealthy widow, — or a shrivelled, cadaverous piece of
 
 32 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Adt III. 
 
 deformity in the shape of an izzard, or a appcrsi-and, — or, in short, ainy 
 thins;, ainy thing that had the siller, the siller, — for that, sir, was the 
 north star of my affejSlions. Do you take me, sir ; was nai that right ? 
 
 Eger. O ! doubtless — doubtless, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. Now, sir, where do you think I ganged to look for this 
 woman with the siller ? — nai till court, nai till playhouses or assemblies 
 — nai, sir. 1 ganged till the kirk, till the anabaptist, independent, brad- 
 Ionian, and muggletonian meetings ; till the morning and evening ser- 
 vice of churches and chapels of ease, and till the midnight, melting, 
 conciliating love-feasts of the methodists ; and there, sir, at last, I fell 
 upon an old, slighted, antiquated, musty maiden, that looked — ha, ha, 
 ha ! she looked just like a skeleton in a surgeon's glass case. Now, sir, 
 this miserable obje6l was religiously angry with herself and aw the 
 world ; had nai comfort but in metaphysical visions, and supernatural 
 deliriums ; ha, ha, ha ! Sir, she was as mad — as mad as a Bedlamite. 
 
 Eger. Not improbable, sir, there are numbers of poor creatures in 
 tlie same condition. 
 
 Sir Per. O ! numbers — numbers. Now, sir, this cracked creature 
 used to pray, and sing, and sigh, and groan, and weep, and wail, and 
 gnash her teeth constantly, morning and evening, at the Tabernacle in 
 Moorfields : and as soon as I found she had the siller, aha ! guid traith, 
 I plumpt me down upon my knees, close by her — cheek by jowl — and 
 prayed, and sighed, and sung, and groaned, and gnashed my teeth as 
 vehemently as she could do for the life of her ; ay, and turned up the 
 whites of mine een, till the strings awmost crackt again : — I watcht her 
 motions, handed her till her chair, waited on her home, got most religiously 
 intimate with her in a week, — married her in a fortnight, buried her in a 
 month ; — touched the siller, and with a deep suit of mourning, a melan- 
 choly port, a sorrowful visage, and a joyful heart, 1 began the world 
 again ; — and this, sir, was the first bow, that is, the first effed:ual bow, 
 I ever made till the vanity of human nature : — now, sir, do you under- 
 stand this do6lrine .? 
 
 Eger. Perfe6lly well, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. Ay, but was it not right } was it not ingeniouSj and weel hit 
 off.?
 
 AB III. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 33 
 
 Eger. Certainly, sir : extremely weU. 
 
 Sir Per. My next bow, sir, was till your ain mother, whom I ran 
 away with fra the boarding school ; by the interest of whose family I got 
 a guid smart place in the Treasmy : — and, sir, my vary next step was 
 intill Parliament ; the which I entered with as ardent and as determined 
 an ambition as ever agitated the heart of Caesar himself. Sir, I bowed, 
 and watched, and hearkened, and ran about, backwards and forwards; 
 and attended, and dangled upon the then great man, till I got intill the 
 vary bowels of his confidence, — and then, sir, I wriggled, and wrought, 
 and wriggled, till I wriggled myself among the very thick of them: 
 hah ! I got my snack of the clothing, the foraging, the contracts, the 
 lottery tickets — and aw the political bonusses ; — till at length, su% I 
 became a much wealthier man than one half of the golden calves I had 
 been so long a bowing to : \^He rises, and Eger. lises too.'2 — and was nai 
 that bowing to some purpose ? 
 
 Eger. It was indeed, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. But are you conviiiced of the guid efFe6ls, and of the utiUtv 
 of bowing ? 
 
 Eger. Thoroughly, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. Sir, it is infallible : — 'but, Charles, ah ! while I was thus bow- 
 ing, and wriggling, and raising this princely fortune, — ah ! I met with 
 many heart-sores and disappointments fra the want of literature, 
 eloquence, and other popular abeleties. Sir, guin I could but have 
 spoken in the house, I should have done the deed in half the time ; but 
 the instant I opened my mouth there, they aw fell a laughing at me ; — 
 aw which deficiencies, sir, I determined, at any expence, to have supplied 
 by the polished education of a son, who, I hoped, would one day raise 
 the house of Macsycophant till the highest pitch of ministerial ambition. 
 This, sir, is my plan : I have done my part of it ; Nature has done 
 hers : you are popular, you are eloquent ; aw parties like and respedt 
 you ; and now, sir, it only remains for you to be dire6led — completion 
 follows. 
 
 Eger. Your liberality, sir, in my education, and the judicious choice 
 you made of the worthy gentleman, to whose virtue and abilities jou 
 
 F
 
 S4 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Acl III. 
 
 entrusted mc, are obligations I shall ever remember with the deepest 
 filial gratitude. 
 
 Sir Per. Vary weel, sir : but, Charles, have you liad any conversation 
 yet with Lady Kodolpha, about the day of your marriage — your liveries 
 — your equipage — or your domestic establishment ? 
 
 Eger. Not yet, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. Poh ! why there again now you are wrong — vary wrong. 
 
 Eger. Sir, we have not had an opportunity. 
 
 Sir Per. Why, Charles, you are vary tardy in this business. 
 
 Lord Lwn. {^Sings zvitbout,Jiusht with wine.'} ' What have we with day 
 to do ?' 
 
 Sir Per. O ! here coines my lord. 
 
 Lord Lion. ' Sons of care, 'twas made for you,' [Enters, drinking a 
 dish of coffee: Tomlins zvaiting zvith a salver in his band.'} — ' Sons of care, 
 ' "'twas made for you.' Very good coffee indeed, Mr. Tomlins. ' Sons 
 ' of care, 'twas made for you.' Here, Mr. Tomlins. 
 
 Tom. Will your lordship please to have another dish } 
 
 Lord Lim. No more, Mr. Tomlins. [^Exit Tomlms.} Ha, ha, ha! my 
 host of the Scotch pints, we have had warm work. 
 
 Sir Per. Yes ; you pushed the bottle about, my lord, with the joy 
 and vigour of a Bacchanal. 
 
 Lord Lwn. That I did, my dear Mac ; no loss of time with me : I 
 have but three motions, old boy, — charge — toast — fire — and off we go : 
 ha, ha, ha ! that's my exercise. 
 
 Sir Per. And fine warm exercise it is, my lord, — especially with the 
 half-pint glasses. 
 
 Lord Lum. Zounds ! it does execution point blanc: — ay, ay, none of 
 your pimping acorn glasses for me, but your manly, old English half- 
 pint bumpers, my dear : they try a fellow's stamina at once : — but, 
 where's Egerton .'' 
 
 Sir Per. Just at hand, my lord ; there he stands — looking at your 
 lordship's pi6lure. 
 
 Lord Lum. My dear Egerton. 
 
 Eger. Your lordship's most obedient. 
 
 Lord Lum. I beg pardon : I did not see you : I am sorry you left us
 
 A^ III. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 35 
 
 SO soon after dinner : had you staid, you would have been highly enter- 
 tained. 1 have made such examples of the commissioner, the captain, and 
 the colonel. 
 
 Eger. So I understand, my lord. 
 
 Lord Lum. But, Egerton, I have slipt from the company for a few 
 moments, on purpose to have a little chat with you. Rodolpha tells me 
 she fancies there is a kind of demur on your side, about your marriage 
 with her. 
 
 Sir Per. A demur ! how so, my lord ? 
 
 Lord Lum. Why, as I was drinking my coffee with the women just 
 now, I desired they would fix the wedding night, and the etiquette of 
 the ceremony ; upon which the girl burst into a loud laugh, telling 
 me she supposed I was joking, for that Mr. Egerton had never yet given 
 her a single glance or hint upon the subje6l. 
 
 Sir Per. My lord, I have been just now talking to him about his shy- 
 ness to the lady. 
 
 Enter To ml ins. 
 
 Tom. Counsellor Plausible is come, sir, and serjeant Eitherside. 
 
 Sir Per. Why then we can settle the business this very evening, my 
 lord. 
 
 Lord Lain. As well as in seven years : and, to make the way as short as 
 possible, pray, Mr. Tomlins, present your master's compliments and 
 mine to Lady Rodolpha, and let her ladyship know we wish to speak 
 with her dire6f ly : {^Exit Tomlins.^ — He shall attack her this instant, Sir 
 Pertinax. 
 
 Sir Per. Ay ! this is doing business effecfually, my lord. 
 
 Lord Lum. O ! I will pit them in a moment, Sir Pertinax, — that will 
 bring them into the heat of the a6lion at once, and save a great deal ot 
 awfkwardness on both sides. O i here your dulcinea comes, sir. 
 
 Enter Lady Rodolpha, singing, a music paper in her hand. 
 
 Lady Rod. I have been learning this air of Constantia : I protest, her 
 touch on the harpsichord is quite brilliant, and really her voice not amiss, 
 Weel, Sir Pertinax, I attend your commands, and yours, my paternal
 
 36 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. J^ lit. 
 
 lord. Z.Lady Rod. curtsies very low ; my lord bows very low, and ansxvers in 
 the same tone and manner-'^ 
 
 Lord Liim. Why, then, my filial lady, we are to inform you that the 
 commission for yom* ladyship and this enamoured cavalier, commanding 
 you to serve your country, jointly and inseparably, in the honourable and 
 forlorn hope of matrimony, is to be signed this very evening. 
 
 Lady Rod. This evening, my lord ! 
 
 Lord Liim. This evening, my lady. Come, Sir Pertinax, let us leave 
 them to settle their liveries, wedding-suits, carriages, and all their 
 amorous equipage, for the nuptial campaign. 
 
 Sir Per. Ha, ha, ha ! excellent ! excellent ! weel, I vow, my lord, you 
 are a great officer : — this is as guid a manoeuvre to bring on a rapid 
 engagement as the ablest general of them aw could have started. 
 
 Lord Liim. Ay, ay! leave them together; they'll soon come to a 
 right understanding, I warrant you, or the needle and loadstone have 
 lost their sympathy. \LLxit Lord Lum. and Sir Per. 
 
 [_Lady Rodolpha stands at that side of the Stage, where they went off, in 
 amaxement : Egerton is at the opposite side, who, after some annoiis 
 emotion, settles into a deep reflexion : — this part of the scene must be 
 managed by a nice "whispering tone of self -conversation mutually observed 
 by the Lovers."^ 
 
 Lady Rod. \^Aside:'] Why, this is downright tyranny ! it has quite 
 dampt my spirits ; and my betrothed, yonder, seems planet-struck too, 
 I think. 
 
 Eger. \^Asider\ A whimsical situation, mine ! 
 
 Lady Rod. \^Aside.'^ Ha, ha, ha ! methinks we look like a couple of 
 cautious generals, that are obliged to take the field, but neither of us 
 seems willing to come till a6lion. 
 
 Eger. l^Aside.'^ I protest, I know not how to address her. 
 
 Lady Rod. \^Aside.'2 He will nai advance, I see: what am I to do in 
 this affair ? guid traith, I will even do, as I suppose many brave heroes 
 have done before me, — clap a guid face upon the matter, and so conceal 
 an aching heart under a swaggering countenance. \^As she advances, she 
 points at him, and smothers a laugh ; but when she speaks to him, the tone must
 
 Aci III. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 37 
 
 be loud, and rude on the word Sir.^ Sir, as we liave, — by the commands 
 of our guid fathers, a business of some little consequence to transa6t, — 
 I hope you will excuse my taking the liberty of recommending a chair 
 till you, for the repose of your body — in the embarrassed deliberation 
 of your perturbed spirits. 
 
 Eger. [Greatly embarrassed.'^ Madam, I beg your pardon. [Handsher 
 a chair, then one for himself.'} Please to sit, madam. [They sit down with 
 great ceremony : she sits down first. He sits at a distance from her. They are 
 silent for some time. He coughs, hems, and adjusts himself. She nnmicks him .'} 
 
 Lady Rod. [Aside.'} Aha ! he's resolved not to come too near till me, 
 I think. 
 
 Eger. [Aside.'} A pleasant interview, this — hem, hem ! 
 
 Lady Rod. [Aside, mimicks him to herself.} Hem ! he will not open the 
 congress, I see. — Then I will. — [very loud.} Come, sir, when will you 
 begin ? 
 
 Eger. [Greatly surprised.} Begin ! what, madam ? 
 
 Lady Rod. To make love till me. 
 
 Eger. Love, madam ! 
 
 Lady Rod. Ay, love, sir. — Why, you have never said a word till me on 
 the subje6l, — nor cast a single glance at me, — nor heaved one tender sigh, 
 — nor even secretly squeezed my loof :— now, sir, thof our fathers are so 
 tyrannical as to dispose of us without the consent of our hearts ; — yet 
 you, sir, I hope, have more humanity than to think of marrying me with- 
 out administering some of the preliminaries, usual on those occasions : — 
 if not till my imderstanding and sentiments, yet till the vanity of my 
 sex, at least, I hope you will pay some little tribute of ceremony and 
 adulation : that, I think, 1 have a right to expeft. 
 
 Eger. Madam, I own your reproach is just: — I shall therefore no 
 longer disguise my sentiments, but fairly let you know my heart. 
 
 Lady Rod. [Starts up, and runs to him.} That's right, — that is right, 
 cousin ; — honourably and affe£lionately right ; — that is what I like of 
 aw things in my swain. — Ay, ay, cousin — openyour mind frankly till 
 me, as a true lover shou'd. — But sit you down — sit you down again : I 
 shall return your frankness and your passion, cousin, with a melting 
 tenderness, equal till the amorous enthusiasm of an ancient heroine.
 
 33 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Acl IIL 
 
 Eger. Madam, if you will hear me- 
 
 Lady Rod. But, remembef , you must begin with fervency, — and' a 
 most rapturous vehemency : — for you are to consider, cousin, that our 
 match is nai to arise fra the union of hearts, and a long decorum of ce- 
 remonious courtship ; — but is instantly to start at once — out of neces- 
 sity, or mere accident ; — ha, ha, ha ! like a match in an ancient ro- 
 mance, — where you ken, cousin, — the knight and the damsel are mutu- 
 ally smitten and dying for each other at lirst sight, — or by an amorous 
 sympathy before they exchange a single glance. 
 
 Eger. Dear madam, you entirely mistake 
 
 Lady Rod. And our fathers, — ha, ha, ha ! our fathers are to be the 
 dark magicians that are to fascinate our hearts and conjure us together, 
 whether we will or not. 
 
 Eger. Ridiculous ! 
 
 Lady Rod. So now, cousin, with the true romantic enthusiasm, — 3'ou 
 are to suppose me the lady of the ejichanted castle, and you — ha, ha, ha ! 
 you are to be the knight of the sorrowful countenance — ha, ha, ha ! and, 
 upon honour — you look the chara6ler admirably ; — ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Eger. Rude trifling ci'eature ! 
 
 Lady Rod. Come, sir, — why do you nai begin to ravish me with your 
 valour, your vows, your knight errantry, and your amorous phrenzy. — 
 Nay, nay, nay 1 guin you do nai begin at once, the lady of the enchanted 
 castle will vanish in a twinkling. 
 
 Eger. Lady Rodolpha, I know your talent for raillery well ; — but at 
 present, in my case, there is a kind of cruelty in it. 
 
 Lady Rod. Raillery ! upon honour, cousin, you mistake me quite and 
 clean. — I am serious — very serious ; — ay, and I have cause to be serious ; 
 
 nay, I will submit my case even till yourself. \^PFIjifies ."} Can any poor 
 
 lassy be in a more lamentable condition, than to be sent four hundred 
 miles, by the command of a positive grandmother, to marry a man, who 
 1 find has no more affeaion for me, — than if I hfvd been his wife these 
 seven years. 
 
 Eger. Madam, I am extremely sorry 
 
 Lady Rod. [Cries and sobs.^ But it is vary weel, cousin. — I see your 
 unkindness and aversion plain enough, — and, sir, I must tell you fairly,
 
 A^ III. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 39 
 
 you are the ainly man that ever slighted my person, — or that drew tears 
 fra these een. — But — it is vary weel — it's vary weel — I will return till 
 Scotland to-morrow morning, and let my grandmother know how I 
 liave been affronted by your slights, your contempts, and your 
 aversions. 
 
 Eger. If you are serious, madam, your distress gives me a deep con- 
 cern ; — but affe(51:ion is not in our power ; and when you know that my 
 heart is irrecoverably given to another woman, I think, your under- 
 standing and good nature will not only pardon my past coldness and 
 negleCl of you, — ^but forgive me when I tell you, I never can have that 
 honour which is intended me, — by a connexion with your ladyship. 
 
 Lady Rod. [^Startifig up.'} How, sir! — are you serious? 
 
 Eger. I^Rw.v.^ Madam, I am too deeply interested, both as a man o^ 
 honour and a lover, to a6t otherwise with you on so tender a subject. 
 
 Lady Rod. And so you persist in slighting me ? 
 
 Eger. I beg your pardon, madam ; but I must be explicit, and at 
 once declare — that 1 never can give my hand where I cannot give my 
 heart. 
 
 Lady Rod. {^In great anger. "^ Why then, sir, I must tell you, that your 
 declaration is sic an affront as nai woman of spirit can, or ought to 
 bear : — and here I make a solemn vow, never to pardon it, but on one 
 condition. 
 
 Eger. If that condition be in my power, madam 
 
 Lady Rod. [^Snaps him up.} Sir, it is in your power. 
 
 Eger. Then, madam, you may command me. 
 
 Lady Rod. (_fFitb a firm peremptory command.} Why then, sir, the con- 
 dition is this ; — you must here give me your honour, — that nai impor- 
 timity, — command, — or menace of your father, — in fine, that nai con- 
 sideration whatever, — shall induce you to take me, Rodolpha Lumber- 
 court, to be your wedded wife. 
 
 Eger. Madam, I most solemnly promise, I never will. 
 
 Lady Rod. And I, sir, most solemnly, and sincerely \JOurtdes.} thank 
 you — for \Xurtsies.} your resolution, and your agreeable aversion — ha, 
 ha, ha ! for you have made me as happy as a poor wretch, reprieved in 
 the vary instant of intended execution.
 
 40 THE MAN OF THE WOULD. AB III. 
 
 Eger. Pray, madam, how am I to understand all this ? 
 
 Lady Rod. [JVitb frankness, and a reverse of manners.'^ Why, sir, your 
 frankness and sincerity demand the same behaviour on my side ; — there- 
 fore, without farther disguise or ambiguity, know, sir, that I myself \JVith 
 a deep sigh. "2 am as deeply smitten with a certain swain, as I understand 
 you are with your Constantia. 
 
 Eger. Indeed, madam ! 
 
 Lady Rod. [JFith an amiable, soft, tender sincerity. '2 O ! sir, notwith- 
 standing aw my shew of courage and mirth, — here I stand — as errant a 
 trembling Thisbe, as ever sighed or mourned for her Pyramus, — and, sir, 
 aw my extravagant levity and ridiculous behaviour in your presence now, 
 and ever since your father prevailed upon jJiine to consent till this match, 
 has been a premeditated scheme to provoke your gravity and guid sense 
 intill a cordial disgust, and a positive refusal. 
 
 Eger. Madam, you have contrived and executed your scheme most 
 happily. 
 
 Lady Rod. Then, since Cupid has thus luckily disposed of you till your 
 Constantia, and me till my swain, we have nothing to think of now, sir, 
 but to contrive how to reduce the inordinate passions of our parents intill 
 a temper of prudence and Iwmanity. 
 
 Eger. Most willingly I consent to your proposal. But, with your 
 
 leave, madam, if I may presume so far ; — pray, who is your lover .'' 
 
 Lady Rod. Why, in that too I shall surprise you perhaps more than 
 ever. — In the first place — he is a beggar — and in disgrace with an unfor- 
 giving father ; — and in the next place, — ^he is \jCurtsies.'2 your ain brother. 
 
 Eger. Is it possible ? 
 
 Lady Rod. A most amorous truth, sir ; — that is, as far as a woman can 
 answer for her ain heart. \^In a laughing gaiety .'2 So you see, cousin Charles, 
 thof I cou'd nai mingle affedlions with you — I have nai ganged out of the 
 family. 
 
 Eger. [_A polite rapture, frankr\ Madam, give me leave to congratulate 
 myself upon your affe6lion, — you cou'd not have placed it on a worthier 
 obje6l ; and, whatever is to be our chance in this lottery of our parents, be 
 assured that my fortune shall be devoted to your happiness and his. 
 
 Lady Rod. Generous, indeed, cousin — but not a whit nobler, I assure
 
 AB III. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 41 
 
 you, than your brother Sandy believes of you. — And, be assured, sir, that 
 we shall both remember it, while the heart feels, or the memory retains 
 a sense of gratitude. — But now, sir, let me ask one question : — Pray, 
 how is your mother affefted in this business .? 
 
 Eger. She knows of my passion, and will, I am sure, be a friend to 
 the common cause. 
 
 Lady Rod. Ah ! that's lucky. Our first step then must be to take 
 her advice upon our condu6f, so as to keep our fathers in the dark till 
 we can hit off some measm-e that will wind them about till our ain pur- 
 pose, and the common interest of our ain passion. 
 
 Eger. You are very right, madam, for, should my father suspe61: my 
 brother's affe6lion for your ladyship, or mine for Constantia, there is no 
 guessing what wou'd be the consequence. — His whole happiness depends 
 upon this bargain with my lord ; for it gives him the possession of three 
 boroughs, and those, madam, are much dearer to him than the happiness 
 of his children. I am sorry to say it, but, to gratify his political rage, he 
 wou'd sacrifice every social tie, that is dear to friend or family. \^Exeimt. 
 
 END OF THE THIRD ACT.
 
 42 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Acl IV. 
 
 act: IV. SCENE I. 
 
 Enter Sir Pertinax, and Counsellor Plausible. 
 
 Sir Per. No, no. — Come away, Counsellor Plausible ; — come away, I 
 say; — ^let them chew upon it. — Why, counsellor, did you ever see so 
 impertinent, so meddling, and so obstinate a blockhead, as that Serjeant 
 Eitherside ? Confound the fellow — he has put me out of aw temper. 
 
 Plans. He is very positive, indeed. Sir Pertinax, — and no doubt was 
 intemperate and rude. But, Sir Pertinax, I wou'd not break off the 
 match notwithstanding ; for certainly, even without the boroughs, it is 
 an advantageous bargain both to you and your son. 
 
 Sir Per. But, zounds ! Plausible, do you think I will give up the 
 nomination till three boroughs ? — Why I wou'd rather give him twenty, 
 nay thirty thousand pounds in any other part of the bargain : — especially 
 at this juncture, when votes are likely to become so valuable. — ^^'hy, 
 man, if a certain affair comes on, they will rise above five hundred 
 per cent. 
 
 Plans. You judge very rightly, Sir Pertinax ; — but what shall we do 
 in this case ? for Mr. Serjeant insists that you positively agreed to my 
 lord's having the nomination to the three boroughs during his own life. 
 
 Sir Per. Why yes, — in the first sketch of the agreement, I believe I 
 did consent :■ — but at that time, man, my lord's affairs did not appear to 
 be half so desperate, as I now find they turn out. — Sir, he must acqui- 
 esce in whatever I demand, for I have got him intill sic an a hobble that 
 he cannot 
 
 Plans. No doubt, Sir Pertinax, you have him absolutely in your 
 power. 
 
 Sir Per. Vary weel : — And ought nai a man to make his vantage 
 of it? 
 
 Plans. No doubt you ought ; — no manner of doubt. — But, Sir Per- 
 tinax, there is a secret spring in this business, that you do not seem to 
 perceive ; — and which, I am afraid, governs the matter respecting these 
 boroughs.
 
 A£t IV. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 43 
 
 Sir Per. What spring do you mean, counsellor ? 
 
 Plans. Why this Serjeant Eitherside. — I have some reason to think 
 that my lord is tied down by some means or other to bring the serjeant 
 in, the very first vacancy, for one of these boroughs ; — now that, I 
 believe, is the sole motive why the serjeant is so strenuous that my lord 
 should keep the boroughs in his own power ; — fearing that you might 
 reject him for some man of your own. 
 
 Sir Per. Odswunds and death ! Plausible, you are clever, — devilish 
 clever. — By the blood, you have hit upon the vary string that has made 
 aw this discord. — Oh ! I see it, — I see it now. — But hauld — hauld — bide 
 a wee bit — a wee bit, man ; — I have a thought come intill my head — yes 
 — I think, Plausible, that with a little twist in our negociation that this 
 vary string, properly tuned, may be still made to produce the vary 
 harmony we wish for. — Yes, yes ! I have it : this serjeant, I see, under- 
 stands business — and, if I am not mistaken, knows how to take a hint. 
 
 Plans. O ! nobody better. Sir Pertinax. 
 
 Sir Per. Why then. Plausible, the short road is always the best with 
 sic a man. — ^You must even come up till his mark at once, and assure 
 him from me — that I will secure him a seat for one of these vary 
 boroughs. 
 
 Plans. O \ that w-ill do. Sir Pertinax — that \vill do, I'll answer for*t. 
 
 Sir Per. And further — I beg you will let him know that I think my- 
 self obliged to consider him in this affair, as acting for me as weel as for 
 my lord, — as a common friend till baith : — and for the services he has 
 already done us, make my special compliments till him — and pray let 
 this amicable bit of paper be my faithful advocate to convince him of 
 what my gratitude further intends for his great [Gives him a bank-bill.'} 
 equity in adjusting this agreement betwixt my lord and me. 
 
 Plaits. Ha, ha, ha ! — upon my word, Sir Pertinax, this is noble. — Ay, 
 ay! this is an eloquent bit of paper indeed. 
 
 Sir Per. Maister Plausible, in aw human dealings the most effeflual 
 method is that of ganging at once till the vary bottom of a man's heart: 
 — for if we exped that men shou'd serve us, — we must first win their 
 affe6tions by serving them. — O ! here they baith come.
 
 4-4 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. A£l IF. 
 
 Enter Lord Lumbercourt, and Serjeant Eitherside. 
 
 Lord Litm. My dear Sir Pertinax, what could provoke you to break 
 off this business so abruptly ? you are really wrong in the point, — and 
 if you will give yourself time to reeolle6l, you will find that my having 
 the nomination to the boroughs for my life was a prelinVmary article ; — 
 I appeal to Mr. Serjeant Eitherside here, whether I did not always 
 imderstand it so. 
 
 Sejj. 1 assure you, Sir Pertinax, that in all his lordship's conversation 
 with me upon this business, and in his positive instru6lions, — both he 
 and I always understood the nomination to be in my lord, durante 
 vita. 
 
 Sir Per. Why then, my lord, to shorten the dispute, aw that I can 
 say in answer till your lordship is — that there has been a total mistake 
 betwixt us in that point, — and therefore the treaty must end here. I 
 give it up. — O ! I wash my hands of it for ever. 
 
 Plans. Well, but gentlemen, gentlemen, a little patience. — Sure this 
 mistake, some how or other, may be reftified. — Pr'ythee, Mr. Serjeant, 
 let you and I step into the next room by ourselves, and reconsider the 
 clause relative to the boroughs, and try if we cannot hit upon a medium 
 that will be agreeable to both parties. 
 
 Serj. [JVitb great warmth. '} Mr. Plausible, I have considered the clause 
 fully ; — am entirely master of the question ; — my lord cannot give up the 
 point. — It is unkind and unreasonable to expe6t it. 
 
 Plans. Nay, Mr. Serjeant, I beg you will not misunderstand me. Do 
 not think I want his lordship to give up any point without an equivalent. 
 — Sir Pertinax, will you permit Mr. Serjeant and me to retire a few ma- 
 ments to reconsider this point ? 
 
 Sir Per. With aw my heart, Maistcr Plausible ; any thing to oblige 
 his lordship — any thing to accomodate his lordship — any thing. 
 
 Plans. What say you, my lord ? 
 
 Lord Lum. Nay, I submit it entirely to you and Mr. Serjeant. 
 
 Plans. Come, Mr. Serjeant, let us retire. 
 
 Loi-d Lnm. Ay, ay, — go, Mr. Serjeant, and hear what Mr. Plausible has 
 to say.
 
 Aci IF. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 45 
 
 Serj. Nay, I'll wait on Mr. Plausible, my lord, with all my heart ; 
 but 1 am sure I cannot suggest the shadow of a reason for altering my 
 present opinion : impossible — impossible. 
 
 Plans. Well, well, Mr. Serjeant, do not be positive. I am sure, 
 reason, and your client's conveniency, will always make you alter your 
 opinion. 
 
 Serj. Ay, ay — reason, and my client's conveniency, Mr. Plausible, will 
 always controul my opinion, depend upon it : ay, ay 1 there you are 
 right. Sir, I attend you. \^Exeunt Lawyers. 
 
 Sir Per. I am sorry, my lord, extremely sorry indeed, that this 
 mistake has happened. 
 
 Lord Lum. Upon my honour, and so am I, Sir Pertinax. 
 
 Sir Per. But come now, after avv^, your lordship must allow you have 
 been in the wrong : come, my dear lord, you must allow me that now. 
 
 Lord Lum. How so, my dear Sir Pertinax .'' 
 
 Sir Per. Not about the boruughs, my lord, for those I do no mind of 
 a bawbee ; — but about your distrust of my friendship. — Why, do you 
 think now — I appeal till your ain breast, my lord — do you think, I say, 
 that I should ever have slighted your lordship's nomination till these 
 boroughs. 
 
 Lord Lum. Why, really, I do not think you would. Sir Pertinax, but 
 one must be directed by one's lawyer, you know. 
 
 Sir Per. Hah ! my lord, lawyers are a dangerous species of animals 
 to have any dependance upon : they are always starting pun6f ilios and 
 difficulties among friends. Why, my dear lord, it is their interest that 
 aw 'mankind should be at variance : for disagreement is the vary manure 
 with which they enrich and fatten the land of litigation ; and as they 
 find that that constantly promotes the best crop, depend upon it, they 
 will always be sure to lay it on as thick as they can. 
 
 Lo)'d Lum. Come, come, my dear Sir Pertinax, you must not be angry 
 with the Serjeant for his insisting so warmly on this point — for those 
 boroughs, you know, are my sheet anchor. 
 
 Sir Per. I know it, my lord, — and, as an instance of my promptness 
 to study, and of my acquiescence till your lordship's inclination, as I see 
 that this Serjeant Eitherside wishes you weel and you him, I think now
 
 46 THE MAN OF THE WORLD, Adt IV. 
 
 he would be as guid a man to be returned for one of those boroughs as 
 could be pitched upon — and as such, 1 humbly recommend him till your 
 lordship's consideration. 
 
 Lord Liim. Why, my dear Sir Pertinax, to tell you the truth, I have 
 already promised him. He must be in for one of them, and that is one 
 reason why I insisted so strenuously : he must be in. 
 
 Sir Per. And why not ? odswunds ! . why not ? is nai your word a 
 fiat ? and will it nai be always so till me ? are ye nai my friend — my 
 patron — and are we nai, by this match of our children, to be united 
 intill one interest ? 
 
 Lord Liim, So I understand it, I own, Sir Pertinax, 
 
 Sir Per. My lord, it can nai be otherwise: then, for Heaven's sake, as 
 your lordship and I can have but one interest for the future, let us have 
 nai mair words about these paltry boroughs, but conclude the agreement 
 just as it stands ; otherwise there must be new writings drawn, new con- 
 sultations of lawyers, new obieiStions and delays will arise, — creditors 
 will be impatient and impertinent, so that we shall nai finish the Lord 
 knows when. 
 
 Lord Lum. You are right, you are right : say no more, Mac, say no 
 more. Split thelawyers — you judgethe point better than all Westminster- 
 hall could. It shall stand as it is : yes, you shall settle it your own way : 
 for 3'our interest and mine are the same, I see plainly. 
 
 Sir Per. No doubt of it, my lord. 
 
 Lo?dLutn. O ! here the lawyers come. 
 
 Enter Counsellor Plausible and Serjeant Eitherside. 
 
 Lord Lum. So, gentlemen — well, what have you done ? how are your 
 opinions now ? 
 
 Serj. My lord, Mr, Plaxisible has convinced me — fully convinced me. 
 
 Plaits. Yes, my lord, I have convinced him ; I have laid such arguments 
 before Mr. Serjeant as were irresistible, 
 
 Serj. He has indeed, my lord : besides, as Sir Pertinax gives his 
 honour that your lordship's nomination shall be sacredly observed, why, 
 upon a nearer review of the whole matter, I think it will be the wiser 
 measure to conclude the agreement just as it is drawn.
 
 Adl IF. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 47 
 
 Lord Liim. I am very glad you think so, Mr. Serjeant, because that 
 is my opinion too : so, my dear Eitherside, do you and Plausible dispatch 
 the business now as soon as possible. 
 
 Serj. My lord, every thing will be ready in less than an hour. Come, 
 Mr. Plausible, let us go and till up the blanks, and put the last hand to 
 the writings on our part. 
 
 Plans. I attend you, Mr. Serjeant. lExeimt Lawyers. 
 
 Lord Lum. And while the lawyers are preparing the writings. Sir 
 Pertinax, I will go and saunter with the women. 
 
 Sir Per. Do, do, my lord : and I will come till you pi-esently. 
 
 Lord Lum. Very well, my dear Mac, I shall expe6l you. 
 
 \^ExH singing, ' Sojis of care,' &c. 
 
 Sir Per. So ! a little flattery mixt with the finesse of a gilded 
 promise on one side, and a quantum sufficit of the aurum palpabile on 
 the other, have at last made me the happiest father in Great-Britain. 
 Hah ! my heart expands itself, as it were thro' every part of my whole 
 body, at the completion of this business, and feels nothing but dignity 
 and elevation. — Hauld ! hauld ! bide a wee! bide a wee! I have 
 but one little matter mair in this affair to adjust, and then, Sir Pertinax, 
 you may di6late till Fortune herself, and send her to govern 
 fools, while you shew and convince the world tliat wise men alwa3^s 
 govern her. Wha's there ^ \^Enter Footman.^ — Tell my son Egerton, I 
 would speak with him here in the library. \^Exit Footman'} — Now I have 
 settled the grand point with my lord, this, I think, is the proper 
 junfture to feel the political pulse of my spark, and, once for aw, to set 
 it to the exa6l measure that I would have it constantly beat. \^Enter 
 Egerton.^ — Come hither, Charles. 
 
 Eger. Your pleasure, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. About twa hours since I told you, Charles, that I received 
 this letter express, complaining of your brother's activity at an ele6lion 
 in Scotland against a particular friend of mine, which has given great 
 offence ; and, sir, you are mentioned in the letter as weel as he : to be 
 plain, I must roundly tell y ou, that on this interview depends my 
 happiness as a father and as a man ; and my affection to you, sir, as a 
 son for the remainder of our days.
 
 48 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. ^B IV. 
 
 Eger. I hope, sir, I sliall never do any thing either to forfeit your 
 affection, or disturb your happiness. 
 
 Sir Per. I hope so too — but to the point. — The fa6l is this : there has 
 been a motion made this vary day to bring on the grand affair — which 
 is settled for Friday seven-night : — now, sir, as you are popular — have 
 talents, and are weel heard, it is expeif ed, and I insist upon it, that you 
 endeavour to atone, sir, for your late miscondu6t, by preparing, and 
 taking a large share in that question, and supporting it with aw your 
 power. 
 
 Eger. Sir, I have always divided as you dire6led, except on one 
 occasion ; never voted against your friends, only in that affair. — But, sir, 
 I hope you will not so exert your influence as to insist upon my 
 supporting a measure by an obvious, prostituted sophistry, in direft 
 opposition to my chara6ler and my conscience. 
 
 Sir Per. Conscience ! why, you are mad ! did you ever hear any man 
 talk of conscience in political matters .? Conscience, quotha ? I have been 
 in Parliament these three and thraty years, and never heard the term 
 made use of before : — sir, it is an unparliamentary word, and you will 
 be laughed at for it ; — therefore I desire you will not offer to impose 
 upon me with sic phantoms, but let me know your reason for thus 
 slighting my friends and disobeying my commands. — Sir, give me an 
 immediate and an explicit answer. 
 
 Ep;er. Then, sir, I must frankly tell you, that you work against my 
 nature ; you would conne6f me with men I despise, and press me into 
 measures I abhor ; would make me a devoted slave to selfish leaders, 
 who have no friendship but in faction — no merit but in corruption — nor 
 interest in any measure, but their own ; — and to such men I cannot 
 submit ; for know, sir, that the malignant ferment which the venal 
 ambition of the times provokes in the heads and hearts of other men, 
 I detest. 
 
 Sir Per. What are you about, sir ? malignant ferment ! and venal 
 ambition ! Sir, every man should be ambitious to serve his country — and 
 every man should be rewarded for it : and pray, sir, would nai you 
 wish to serve yonr country? Answer me that. — I say, would nai you 
 wish to serve your country ?
 
 Adt IV. THE MAN OF THE WORLD, 't^ 
 
 Eger. Only shew mc how I can serve my country, and my hfc is hers. 
 Were I qualified to lead her armies, to steer her fleets, and deal her honest 
 vengeance on her insulting foes ; — or could my eloquence pull down a 
 state leviathan, mighty by the plunder of his country — black with the 
 treasons of her disgrace, and send his infamy down to a free posterity, as 
 a monumental terror to corrupt ambition, I would be foremost in such 
 service, and a61; it with the unremitting ardour of a Roman spirit. 
 
 Sir Per. Vary weel, sir ! vary weel ! the fellow is beside himself ! 
 
 Eger. But to be a common barker at envied power — to beat the drum 
 of fa6lion, and sound the trumpet of insidious patriotism, only to displace 
 a rival, — or to be a servile voter in proud corruption's filthy train, — to 
 market out my voice, my reason, and my trust, to the party-broker, 
 who best can promise, or pay for prostitution ; these, sir, are services 
 my nature abhors, — for they are such a malady to every kind of virtiie, as 
 must in time destroy the fairest constitution that ever wisdom framed, 
 or virtuous liberty fought for. 
 
 Sir Per. Why, are you mad, sir ? you have certainly been bit by some 
 mad whig or other : but now, sir, after aw this foul-mouthed frenzy, and 
 patriotic vulgar intemperance, suppose we were to ask you a plain 
 question or twa : Pray, what single instance can you, or any man, give 
 of the political vice or corruption of these days, that has nai been prac- 
 tised in the greatest states, and in the most virtuous times .'' I challenge 
 you to give me a single instance. 
 
 Eger. Your pardon, sir — it is a subje6l I wish to decline : you know, 
 sir, we never can agree about it. 
 
 Sir Per. Sir, I insist upon an answer, 
 
 Eger. I beg you will excuse me, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. I will not excuse you, sir. I insist. 
 
 Eger. Then, sir, in obedience, and with your patience, I will answer 
 your question. 
 
 Sir Per. Ay ! ay ! I will be patient, never fear : come, let us have it, 
 let lis have it. 
 
 Eger. You shall ; and now, sir, let prejudice, the rage of party, and 
 the habitual insolence of successful vice — pause but for one moment, — 
 and let religion, laws, power herself, the pohcy of a nation's virtue, and 
 
 H
 
 50 THE MAN OK THE WORLD. A6t IF. 
 
 Britain's guardian genius, take a short, impartial retrospect but of one 
 transac^lion, notorious in this land, — then must they behold yeomen, 
 freemen, citizens, artizans, divines, courtiers, patriots, merchants, 
 soldiers, sailors, and the whole plebeian tribe, in septennial procession, 
 urged and seduced by the contending great ones of the land to the altar of 
 perjury, — with the bribe in one hand, and the evangelist in the other, — 
 impiously, and audaciously affront the Majesty of Heaven, by calling him 
 to witness that they have not received, nor ever will receive, reward or 
 consideration for his suffrage. — Is not this a fa6f, sir ? Can it be denied? 
 Can it be believed by those who know not Britain ? Or can it be matched 
 in the records of human policy ? — Who then, sir, that reflects one moment, 
 as a Briton or a Christian, on this picture, would be conducive to a 
 people's infamy and a nation's ruin ? 
 
 Sir Per. Sir, I have heard your rliapsody with a great deal of patience ! 
 and great astonishment, — and you are certainly beside yourself. What 
 the devil business have you to trouble your head about the sins or the 
 souls of other men ? You should leave these matters till the clergy, wha 
 are paid for looking after them ; and let every man gang till the devil 
 his ain way : besides, it is nai decent to find fault with what is winked 
 at by the whole nation — nay, and pra6fised by aw parties. 
 
 Eger. That, sir, is the very shame, the ruin I complain of. 
 
 Sir Per. Oh ! you are vary young, vary young in these matters, but 
 experience will convince you, sir, that every man in public business has 
 twa consciences, — a religious, and apolitical conscience. Why, you see a 
 merchant now, or a shop-keeper, that kens the science of the world, 
 always looks upon an oath at a custom-house, or behind a counter, only 
 as an oath in business, a thing of course, a mere thing of course, that 
 has nothing to do with religion; — and just so it is at an eleftion : — for 
 instance now — I am a candidate, pray observe, and I gang till a periwig- 
 maker, a hatter, or a hosier, and I give ten, twenty, or thraty guineas 
 for a periwig, a hat, or a pair of hose ; and so on, thro' a majority of 
 voters ; — vary weel ; — what is the consequence ? Why, this commercial 
 intercourse, you see, begets a friendship betwixt us, a commercial friend- 
 ship — and, in a day or twa these men gang and give me their suffrages ; 
 weel ! what is the inference ? Pray, sir, can you, or any lawyer, divine,
 
 A^ IV. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. SI 
 
 or casuist, cawl this a bribe ? Nai, sir, in fair political reasoning, it is 
 ainly generosity on the one side, and gratitude on the other. So, sir, let 
 me have nai niair of your religious or philosophical refinements, but 
 prepare, attend, and speak till the question, or you are nai son of mine. 
 Sir, I insist upon it. 
 
 Enter Sam. 
 
 Sam. Sir, my lord says the writings are now ready, and his lordship 
 and the lawyers are waiting for you and Mr. Egerton. 
 
 Sir Per. Vary weel : we'll attend his lordship. [^Exit Sam.^ I tell 
 you, Charles, aw this conscientious refinement in politics is downright 
 ignorance, and impra6licable romance ; and, sir, I desire I may hear no 
 more of it. Come, sir, let us gang down and finish this business. 
 
 Eger. {^Stopping Sir Per. as he is going off^.~\ Sir, with your permission, 
 I beg you will first hear a word or two upon this subjedl. 
 
 Sir Per. Weel, sir, what would you say .'' 
 
 Eger. I have often resolved to let you know my aversion to this 
 match. 
 
 Sir Per. How, sir ! 
 
 Eger. But my respeel:, and fear of disobliging you, have hitherto 
 kept me silent 
 
 Sir Per. Your aversion ! your aversion, sir ! how dare you use sic 
 language till me ? Your aversion ! Look you, sir, I shall cut the matter 
 vary short : — consider, my fortune is nai inheritance ; aw mine ain 
 acquisition : I can make ducks and drakes of it ; so do not provoke me, 
 but sign the articles directly. 
 
 Eger. I beg your pardon, sir, but I must be free on this occasion, 
 and tell you at once, that I can no longer dissemble the honest passion 
 that fills my heart for another woman. 
 
 Sir Per. How ! another woman ! and, you villain, how dare you love 
 another woman without my leave .'' But what other woman — wha is she ? 
 Speak, sir, speak. 
 
 Eger. Constantia. 
 
 Sir Per. Constantia! oh, you profligate ! what! a creature taken in 
 for charity !
 
 51 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. A61 IV, 
 
 Eger. Her poverty is not her crime, sir, but her misfortune : her 
 birth is equal to the noblest ; and virtue, tho' covered with a village 
 garb, is virtue still ; and of more worth to me than all the splendor of 
 ermined pride or redundant wealth. Therefore, sir 
 
 Sir Per. Haudj'our jabbering, you villain, baud your jabbering ; none 
 of your romance or refinement till me. I have but one question 
 to ask you — but one question — and then I have done with you for ever, 
 for ever ; therefore think before you answer : — Will you marry the lady, 
 or will you break my heart ? 
 
 Eger. Sir, my presence shall not offend you any longer : but when 
 reason and refle6fion take their turn, I am sure you will not be pleased 
 with yourself for this impaternal passion. [Goitig. 
 
 Sir Per. Tarry, I command you ; and, I command you likewise not 
 to stir till you have given me an answer, a definitive answer : Will you 
 marry the lady, or will you not ? 
 
 Eger. Since you command me, sir, know then, that I can not, will 
 not marry her. \^Exit. 
 
 Sir Per. Oh ! the villain has shot me thro' the head ! he has cut my 
 vitals ! I shall run distra6led ; — the fellow destroys aw my measures — 
 aw my schemes : — there never was sic a bargain as I have made with this 
 foolish lord, — possession of his whole estate, with three boroughs upon 
 it — six members — Why, what an acquisition ! what consequence ! what 
 dignity ! what weight till the house of Macsycophant ! O ! damn the 
 fellow ! three boroughs, only for sending down six broomsticks. — O ! 
 miserable ! miserable ! ruined ! undone ! For these five and twanty years, 
 ever since this fellow came intillthe world, have I been secretly preparing 
 him for ministerial dignity, — and with the fellow's eloquence, abilities, 
 popularity, these boroughs, and proper connections, he might certainly, 
 in a little time, have done the deed ; and sure never were times so favor- 
 able, every thing conspires, for aw the auld political post-horses are 
 broken-winded and foundered, and cannot get on ; and as till the rising 
 generation, the vanity of surpassing one another in what they foolishly 
 call taste and elegance, binds them hand and foot in the chains of 
 luxury, which will always set them up till the best bidder ; so that if 
 they can but get wherewithal to supply their dissipation, a minister
 
 AB IV. THE MAN OF^THE WORLD. 53 
 
 may convert the political morals of aw sic voluptuaries intill a vote that 
 would sell the nation till Prester John, and their boasted liberties till 
 the great Mogul ; — and this opportunity 1 shall lose by my son's marrying 
 a vartuous beggar for love : — O ! confound her vartue ! it will drive me 
 distrafted. [_Exit. 
 
 END OF THE FOURTH ACT.
 
 S^ THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Aci V. 
 
 ACT V. SCENE I. 
 
 Enter Sir Pert in ax, and Betty Hint. 
 
 Sir Per. Come this way, Betty — come this way : — you are a guid 
 girl, and I will reward you for this discovery. — O the villain ! offer her 
 marriage ! 
 
 Bet. It is true, indeed, sir ; — I wou'd not tell your honour a lie for the 
 world : but in troth it lay upon my conscience, and I thought it my duty 
 to tell your worship. 
 
 Sir Per. You are right — you are right ; — it was your duty to tell me, 
 and 111 reward you for it. But you say Maister Sidney is in love with 
 her too. — Pray how came you by that intelligence? 
 
 Bet. O ! sir, I know when folks are in love, let them strive to hide it 
 as much as they will. — I know it by Mr. Sidney's eyes, when I see him 
 stealing a sly side-look at her, — by his trembling, — his breathing short, 
 — his sighing when they are reading together. Besides, sir, he has made 
 love-verses upon her in praise of her virtue, and her playing upon the 
 music. — Ay ! and I suspect another thing, sir, — she has a sweetheart, if 
 not a husband, not far fi'om hence. 
 
 Sir Per. Wha ? Constantia ? 
 
 Bet. Ay, Constantia, sir. — Lord ! I can know the whole affair, sir, only 
 for sending over to Hadley, to farmer Hilford's youngest daughter, 
 Sukey Hilford. 
 
 Sir Per. Then send this instant and get me a particular account 
 of it. 
 
 Bet. That I will, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. In the mean time, keep a stri6l watch upon Constantia, — and 
 be sure you bring me word of whatever new matter you can pick up about 
 her, my son, or this Hadley husband or sweetheart. 
 
 Bet. Never fear, sir. \^Exit. 
 
 Sir Per. This love of Sidney's for Constantia Is not unlikely. — There 
 is something promising in it. — Yes ! I think it is nai impossible to con- 
 vert it intill a special and immediate advantage. It is but trying. Wha's
 
 JCI V. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. S5 
 
 there?— If it misses, I am but where I was. [Enter Tomlins.;] Where is 
 Maister Sidney ? 
 
 Tom. In the dining room, Sir Pertinax. 
 
 Sir Per. Tell him I wou'd speak with him. [Exit Tomlins.^ 'Tis 
 more than probable. — Spare to speak and spare to speed. Try — try — 
 always try the human heart : — try is as guid a maxim in politics as in 
 v;ar. — Why, suppose this Sidney now shou'd be privy till his friend 
 Charles's love for Constantia. — What then ? guid traith, it is natural to 
 think that his ain love will demand the preference, — ay, and obtain it 
 too. — Yes, self — self is an eloquent advocate on these occasions, and 
 seldom loses his cause. I have the general principle of human nature at 
 least to encourage me in the experiment ; — for only make it a man's inte- 
 rest to be a rascal, and I think we may safely depend upon his integrity 
 — in serving himself. 
 
 Enter Sidney. 
 
 Sid. Sir Pertinax, your servant. — Mr. Tomlins told me you desired 
 to speak with me. 
 
 Sir Per. Yes, I wanted to speak with you upon a vary singular 
 business. Maister Sidney, give me your hand. — Guin it did nai look 
 like flattery, which I detest, I wou'd tell you, Maister Sidney, that you 
 are an honour till your cloth, your country, and till human nature. 
 
 Sid. Sir, you are very obliging. 
 
 Sir Per. Sit you down, Maister Sidney : — Sit you down here by me. 
 My friend, I am under the greatest obligations till you for the care you 
 have taken of Charles . — The principles — religious, moral, and political — 
 that you have infused intillhim, demand the warmest return of gratitude 
 both fra him and fra me. 
 
 Sid. Your approbation, sir, next to that of my own conscience, is the 
 best test of my endeavours, and the highest applause they can receive. 
 
 Sir Per. Sir, you deserve it, — richly deserve it. — And now, sir, the 
 same care that you have had of Charles, — the same my wife has taken 
 of her favourite Constantia. — And sure, never were accomplishments, 
 knowledge or principles, social and religious, infused intill a better 
 nature.
 
 SS THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Jet V. 
 
 Sid, In truth, sir, I think so too. 
 
 Sir Per. She is besides a gentlewoman, and of as guid a family as any 
 in this county. 
 
 Sid. So I understand, sir. 
 
 SirPer. Sir, her father had a vast estate ; the which he dissipated and 
 melted in feastings, and friendships, and charities, hospitalities, and sic 
 kind of nonsense. — But to the business. — Maister Sidney, I love you, — 
 yes, — I love you, — and I have been looking out and contriving hov/ to 
 settle you in the world. — Sir, I want to see you comfortably and 
 honourably fixt at the head of a respe6fable family, — and guin you 
 were mine ain son, a thousand times, — I cou'd nai make a more valuable 
 present till you for that purpose, as a partner for life, than this same 
 Constantia, — with sic a fortune down with her as you yourself shall deem 
 to be competent, — and an assurance of every canonical contingency in 
 my power to confer or promote. 
 
 Sid. Sir, your offer is noble and friendly : — but tho' the highest sta- 
 tion would derive lustre from Constantia's charms and worth , yet, were 
 she more amiable than love could paint her in the lover's fancy, — and 
 wealthy beyond the thirst of the miser's appetite, — I could not — would 
 not wed her. \^Rises. 
 
 Sir Per. Not wed her ! odswunds, man ! you surprise me ! — Why so ? 
 — what hinders ? 
 
 Sid. I beg you will not ask a reason for my refusal, — but, briefly and 
 finally — it cannot be ; nor is it a subject I can longer converse upon. 
 
 Sir Per. Weel, weel, weel, sir, I have done, — I have done. — Sit down, 
 man ; — sit down again ; — sit you down. — I shall mention it no more; — 
 not but I must confess honestly till you, friend Sidney, that the match, 
 had you approved of my proposal, besides profiting you, wou'd have 
 been of singular service till me likewise. — However, you may still serve 
 me as effe6lually as if you had married her. 
 
 Sid. Then, sir, I am sure I will most heartily. 
 
 Sir Per. I believe it, friend Sidney, — and I thank you. — I have nai 
 friend to depend upon, but yourself. My heart is almost broke, — I 
 cannot help these tears. — And, to tell you thefa6l at once — your friend 
 Charles is struck with a m.ost dangerous malady, — a kind of insanity. —
 
 A^ V. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 61 
 
 You see I cannot help weeping when I think of it ; — in short this Con- 
 stantia, I am afraid, has cast an evil eye upon him. — Do you under- 
 stand me ? 
 
 Sid. Not very well, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. Why, he is grievously smitten with the love of her ; — and, I 
 am afraid, will never be cured without a little of your assistance. 
 
 Sid. Of my assistance ! pray, sir, in what manner ? 
 
 Sir Per. In what manner ? Lord, Maister Sidney, how can you be so 
 dull ? Why, how is any man cured of his love till a wench, but by gang- 
 ing to bed till her ? Now do you understand me ? 
 
 Sid. Perfe6lly, sir — perfectly . 
 
 Sir Per. Vary weel, — Now then, my very guid friend, guin you 
 wou'd but give him that hint, and take an opportunity to speak a guid 
 word for him till the wench ; — and guin you wou'd likewise cast about a 
 little now, — and contrive to bring them together once, — why, in a few 
 days after he wou'd nai care a pinch of snuff for her. [^Sidney starts up.'} 
 What is the matter with you, man ? — What the devil gars you start and 
 look so astounded ? 
 
 Sid. Sir, you amaze me. — In what part of my mind or condu6l have 
 you found that baseness, which entitles you to treat me with this 
 indignity ? 
 
 Sir Per. Indignity ! What indignity do you mean, sir? Is asking you 
 to serve a friend with a wench an indignity ? Sir, am I not your patron 
 and benefa6lor ? Ha ? 
 
 Sid. You are, sir, and I feel your bounty at my heart ; — but the vir- 
 tuous gratitude, that sowed the deep sense of it there, does not inform 
 me that, in return, the tutor's sacred fun6lion, or the social virtue of 
 the man must be debased into the pupil's pander, or the patron's 
 prostitute. 
 
 Sir Per. How ! what, sir ! do you dispute ? Are you nai my depend- 
 ent? ha? And do you hesitate about an ordinary civility, which is prac- 
 tised every day by men and women of the hrst fashion ? Sir, let me tell 
 you, — however nice you may be, there is nai a client about the court 
 that wou'd nai jump at sic an opportunity to oblige his patron. 
 
 Sid. Indeed, sir, I believe the doctrine of pimping for patrons, as well 
 
 I
 
 68 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. A61V. 
 
 as that of prostituting eloquence and public trust for private lucre, may 
 be learned in 3'^our party schools : — ibr where taction and public venality 
 are taught as measures necessary to good government and general pros- 
 perity — there every vice is to be expe6led . 
 
 Sir Per. Oho ! oho ! vary weel ! vary weel ! fine slander upon minis- 
 ters ! fine sedition against government ! O, ye villain ! you — you — you 
 are a black sheep ; — and Til mark you.' — I am glad you shew yourself. 
 — Yes, yes, — you have taken off the mask at last ; — you have been in 
 my service for many years, and I never knew your principles before. 
 
 Sid. Sir, you never affronted them before : — if you had, you should 
 have known them sooner. 
 
 Sir Per. It is vary weel. — I have done with you. — Ay, ay ; now I can 
 account for my son's conducl — his aversion till courts, till ministers, 
 levees, public business, and his disobedience till my commands. — Ah ! 
 you are a Judas — a perfidious fellow ; — you have ruined the morals of 
 my son, you villain. — But I have done with you. — However, this I will 
 prophecy at our parting, for your comfort, — that guin you are so very 
 squeamish abotit bringing a lad and a lass together, or about doing sic 
 an a harmless innocent job for your patron, you will never rise in the 
 church. 
 
 Sid. Though my conduct, sir, should not make me rise in her power, 
 I am sure it will in her favour, in the favour of my ov/n conscience too, 
 and in the esteem of all worthy men ; — and that, sir, is a power and 
 dignity beyond what patrons, or any minister can bestow. [Exit. 
 
 Sir Per. What a rigorous, saucy, stiff-necked rascal it is ! I see my 
 folly now. — I am undone by mine ain policy. — This Sidney is the last 
 man that shou'd have been about my son : — The fellow, indeed, hath 
 given him principles, that might have done vary weel among the ancient 
 Romans, — but are damn'd unfit for the modern Britons. — Weel, guin I 
 had a thousand sons, I never wou'd suffer one of these English, univer- 
 sity-bred fellows to be about a son of mine again ; — for they have sic an 
 a pride of literature and character, and sic saucy, English notions of 
 liberty continually fermenting in their thoughts, that a man is never 
 sure of them. Now, if I had had a Frenchman, or a foreigner of any 
 kind, about my son, I cou'd have pressed him at once into my purpose.
 
 A^F. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 59 
 
 — or have kicked the rascal out of my house in a twinlding. — But what 
 am I to do ? — Zoons ! he must nai marry this beggar ; — I cannot sit 
 down tamely under that. — Stay, — haud a wee. — By the blood, I have it. 
 , — Yes — I have hit upon it. — I'll have the wench smuggled till the 
 highlands of Scotland to-morrow morning. — ^Yes, yes, — I'll have her 
 smuggled 
 
 Enter Betty Hint. 
 
 Bet. O ! sir, — I have got the whole secret out. 
 
 Sir Per. About what .-' 
 
 Bet. About Miss Constantia. I have just got all the particulars from 
 farmer Hilford's youngest daughter, Sukey Hilford. 
 
 Sir Per. Weel, weel, but what is the story ? Quick, quick — what is it ? 
 
 Bet. Why, sir, it is certain that Mrs. Constantia has a sweetheart — 
 or a husband, — a sort of a gentleman — or a gentleman's gentleman, 
 they don't know which — that lodges at Gaffer Hodges's— and it is whis- 
 pered all about the village that she is with child by him ; for Sukey says 
 she saw them together last night in the dark walk — and Mrs. Constantia 
 was all in tears. 
 
 Sir Per. Zoons ! I am afraid this is too guid news to be true. 
 
 Bet. O ! sir, 'tis certainly true, for I myself have observed that she 
 has looked very pale for some time past — and could not eat, — and has 
 qualms every hour of the day. — Yes, yes, sir — depend upon it, she is 
 breeding, as sure as my name is Betty Hint. — Besides, sir, she has just 
 writ a letter to her gallant, and I have sent John Gardener to her, who 
 is to carry it to him to Hadley. — Now, sir, if your worship would 
 seize it See, see, sir, — here John comes with the letter in his hand. 
 
 Sir Per. Step you out, Betty, and leave the fellow till me. 
 
 Bet. I will, sir. \^Exit. 
 
 Enter John, xvitb a Packet and a Letter. 
 
 John. {Putting the packet into his pocket.^ There — go you into my 
 pocket. — ^There's nobody in the library, so I'll e'en go thro' the short way. 
 — Let me see, what is the name ? — Mel — Meltil — O, no ! — Melville, at 
 Gaffer Hodges's.
 
 QO THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Jtl V, 
 
 Sir Per. What letter is that, su- ? 
 
 John. Letter, sh'! 
 
 Sir Per. Give it me, sir. 
 
 John. An t please you, sir, it is not mine. 
 
 Sir Per. Deliver it this instant, sirrah, or I'll break your head. 
 
 John. [Giving the letter.'} There, there your honour. 
 
 Sir Per. Begone, rascal. — This, I suppose, will let us intill the whole 
 business. 
 
 John. \^Aside!} You have got the letter, old surly, but the packet is 
 safe in my pocket. I'll go and deliver that, however, for I will be true to 
 poor Mrs. Constantia in spite of you. [JExit. 
 
 Sir Per. [Reading the letter.^ Um — um * and bless my eyes with the 
 sight of you.' — Um — um ' throw myself into your dear arms.' Zoons ! 
 • this letter is invaluable. — Aha ! madain — yes — this will do — this will do, 
 I think. — Let me see, how is it dire6fed — ' To Mr. Melville.' Vary 
 weel. [^E7zf^r Betty .^ O! Betty, you are an excellent wench, — this letter 
 is worth a million. 
 
 Bet. Is it as I suspe6led ? — to her gallant .'' 
 
 Sir Per. It is — it is. — Bid Constantia pack out of the house this instant 
 — and let them get a chaise ready to carry her wherever she pleases. — 
 But first send my wife and son hither. 
 
 Bet. I shall, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. Do so — begone. [Exit Betty .^ Aha ! Maister Charles, — 1 
 believe I shall cure you of your passion for a beggar now. — I think he 
 cannot be so infatuated as to be a dupe till a strumpet. — 'Let me see — 
 how am I to a6t now .? — Why, like a true politician, I must pretend most 
 sincerity where I intend most deceit. 
 
 Enter Egerton, and Lady Macsycophant. 
 
 Weel, Charles, notwithstanding the misery you have brought upon me, 
 — I have sent for you and your mother in order to convince you both of 
 my affection and my readiness to forgive, — ^nay, and even to indulge your 
 perverse passion : — for, since I find this Constantia has got hold of your 
 heart, and that your mother and you think that you can never be happy 
 without her, why, I'll nai longer oppose your inclinations.
 
 Act V. THE MAN OF THE WOULD. 61 
 
 Eger. Dear sir, you snatch me from sharpest misery ; — on my knees 
 let my heart thank you for this goodness. 
 
 Lady Mac. Let me express my thanks too, — and my joy ; — for had 
 3''ou not consented to his marrying her, we all should have been miserable. 
 
 Sir Per. Weel ; I am glad I have found a way to please you both at 
 last. — But, my dear Charles, suppose now that this spotless vestal, — this 
 wonder of virtue, — tliis idol of your heart — shou'd be a concealed 
 wanton after aw, — or shou'd have an engagement of marriage or an 
 intrigue with another man, — and is only making a dupe of you aw this 
 time : — I say, only suppose it, Charles — what wou'd you think of her ? 
 
 Eger. I should think her the most deceitful, and tlie most subtle of 
 her sex, and, if possible, would never think of her again. 
 
 Sir Per. Will you give me your honour of that ? 
 
 Eger. Most solemnly, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. Enough. — I am satisfied. — You make me young again. — 
 Your prudence has brought tears of joy fra my very vitals. — I was afraid 
 you were fascinated with the charms of a crack. — Do you ken this hand? 
 
 Eger. Mighty well, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. And you, madam. 
 
 Lady Mac As well as I do my own, sir. — It is Constantia's. 
 
 Sir Per. It is so ; and a better evidence it is than any that can be 
 given by the human tongue. Here is a warm, rapturous, lascivious letter 
 under the hypocritical syren's ain hand — her ain hand, sir. 
 
 Eger. Pray, sir, let us hear it. 
 
 Sir Per. Ay, ay ; — here — take and read it yourself. — Eloisa never 
 WTit a warmer nor a ranker to her Abelard — but judge your.selves. 
 
 Eger. \J^cads.'} ' I have only time to tell you, that the family came 
 ' down sooner than I expecfed, and that I cannot bless my eyes with the 
 ' sight of you till the evening. — The notes, and jewels, which the bearer 
 ' of this will deliver to you, were presented to me, since I saw you, by the 
 * son of my benefaft or'^ — 
 
 Sir Per. [^Interrupts him by his remarks.'^ Now mark. 
 
 Eger. [Reads."^ ' All which I beg you will convert to yoiu' immediate 
 < use' — 
 
 Sir Per. Mark, I say.
 
 62 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. A^ V. 
 
 Eger. [_Readsr\ * For my heart has no room for any wish or fortune, 
 
 * but what contributes to your relief and happiness' — 
 
 Sir Per. Oh ! Charles, Charles, do you see, sir, what a dupe she makes 
 of you ? But mark what follows. 
 
 Eger. \^Reads.'} 'O! how I long to throw myself into your dear, dear 
 
 * arms ; to sooth your fears, your apprehensions, and your sorrows' — 
 
 Sir Per. I suppose the spark has heard of your offering to marry her, 
 and is jealous of you. 
 
 Eger. Sir, I can only say I am astonished. 
 
 Lady Mac. It is incredible. 
 
 Sir Per. Stay, stay, read it out — read it out, pray : ah ! she is a subtle 
 devil. 
 
 Eger. {Reads r\ * I have something to tell you of the utmost moment, 
 
 * but will reserve it till we meet this evening in the dark walk' — 
 
 Sir Per. In the dark walk — in the dark walk — ah ! an evil-eyed curse 
 upon her ! yes, yes ! she has been often in the dark walk, I believe : — 
 But, read on. 
 
 Eger. \Eieads.'^ * In the mean time banish all fears, and hope the 
 ' best from fortune, and your ever dutiful ^ .^. ^..u.^^, ^^ ' 
 
 ' ■^ CONSTANTIA HARRINGTON. 
 
 Sir Per. There — there's a warm epistle for you ! in short, the hussy, 
 you must know, is married till the fellow. 
 
 Eger. Not vmlikely, sir. 
 
 Lady Mac. Indeed, by her letter, I believe she is. 
 
 Sir Per. Nay, I know she is : but look at the hand — peruse it — convince 
 yourselves. 
 
 Eger. Yes, yes, it is her hand ; I know it well, sir. 
 
 Sir Per. Madam, will you look at it.'' perhaps it may be forged. 
 
 Lady Mac. No, sir, it is no forgery. — Well ! after this, I think I shall 
 never trust human nature. 
 
 Sir Per. Now, madam, what amends can you make me for counte- 
 nancing your son's passion for sic a strumpet ? And you, sir, what have 
 you to say for your disobedience and your frenzy ? O ! Charles, 
 Charles
 
 A6l V. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 63 
 
 Eger. Pray, sir, be patient ; compose yourself a moment : I will make 
 you any compensation in my power. 
 
 Si7- Per. Then instantly sign the articles of marriage. 
 
 Eger. The lady, sir, has never yet been consulted ; and I have some 
 reason to believe that her heart is engaged to another man. 
 
 Sir Per. Sir, that is nai business of yours. — I know she will consent, 
 and that's aw we are to consider. — O ! here comes my lord. 
 
 Enter Loi'd Lumbercourt. 
 
 Lord Liitn. Sir Pertinax, ever thing is ready, and the lawyers wait for 
 us. 
 
 Sir Per. We attend your lordship. Where is Lady Rodolpha ? 
 
 Lo7-d Lwn. Giving some female consolation to poor Constantia. — Why, 
 my lady, ha, ha, ha ! I hear your vestal has been flirting. 
 
 Sir Per. Yes, yes, my lord, she is in vary guid order for any man 
 that wants a wife and an heir till his estate intill the bargain. 
 
 Enter Sam. 
 
 Sam. Sir, there is a man below that wants to speak to your honour 
 upon particular business. 
 
 Sir Per. Sir, I cannot speak till any body now — ^lie must come another 
 time ; — baud — stay — what — is he a gentleman ? 
 
 Sam. He looks something like one, sir — a sort of a gentleman — but 
 he seems to be in a kind of a passion, for when I asked his name, he 
 answered hastily, it is no matter, friend, — go, tell your master there is a 
 gentleman here that must speak to him dire6lly. 
 
 Sir Per. Must ! ha .? vary peremptory indeed ; pr ythee, let's see him 
 for curiosity sake. [^ExU Sam. 
 
 Enter Lady Rodolpha. 
 
 Lady Rod. O ! my Lady Macsycophant, I am come an humble advocate 
 for a weeping piece of female frailty, wha begs she may be permitted 
 to speak till your ladyship, before you finally reprobate her. 
 
 Sir Per. I beg your pardon. Lady Rodolpha, but it must not be : 
 see her she shall not.
 
 6"-l< THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Act V. 
 
 Lady Mac. Nay, there can be no harm, my dear, in hearing what 
 she has to say for herself. 
 
 Sir Per. I tell you, it shall not be. 
 Lady Mac. Well, my dear, 1 have done. 
 
 Enter Sam and Melville. 
 
 Sam. Sir, that is my master. 
 
 Sir Per. Weel, sir, what is your urgent business with me ? 
 
 Mel. To shun disgrace, and punish baseness. 
 
 Sir Per. Punisli baseness ! what does the fellow mean ? Wha are you, sir ? 
 
 Mel. A man, sir — and one, whose fortune once bore as proud a sway 
 as any within this county's limits. 
 
 Lord Lum. You seem to be a soldier, sir. 
 
 Mel. I was, sir ; and have the soldier's certificate to prove my sei-vice — 
 rags and scars. In my heart, for ten long years in India's parching 
 clime I bore my country's cause ; and in noblest dangers sustained it 
 with my sword : at length ungrateful peace has laid me down where 
 welcome war first took me up, — in poverty, and the dread of cruel 
 creditors. — Paternal affe6lion brought me to my native land, in quest of 
 an only child : — I found her, as I thought, amiable as parental fondness 
 could desire ; but lust and foul sedudlion have snatched her from me, 
 and hither am I come, fraught with a father's anger, and a soldier's 
 honour, to seek the seducer and glut revenge. 
 
 Lady Mac. Pray, sir, who is your daughter ? 
 
 Mel. I blush to own her — but — Constantia. 
 
 Eger. Is Constantia your daughter, sir ^ 
 
 Mel. She is ; and was the only comfort that nature, fortune, or my 
 own extravagance had left me. 
 
 Sir Per. Guid traith, then, I fancy you will find but vary little com- 
 fort fra her, for she is nai better than she shou'd be. — She has had nai 
 damage in this mansion. I am told she is with bairn, but you may gang till 
 Hadley, till one farmer Hodges's, and there you may learn the whole 
 story, and wha the father of the bairn is, fraacheeld they call Melville. 
 
 Mel. Melville! 
 
 5/rP<?r. Yes, sir, Melville.
 
 A^ V. THE MAN OF THE \VORLD. 65 
 
 Mel. O ! would to heaven she had no crime to answer, but her com- 
 merce with Melville. — No, sir, he is not the man ; it is your son, your 
 Egerton, that has seduced her ; and here, sir, are the evidence of his 
 sedu6lion. 
 
 Eger. Of my sedudlion ! 
 
 Mel. Of yours, sir, if your name be Egerton. 
 
 Eger. I am that man, sir ; but pray, what is your evidence ? 
 
 Mel. These bills, and these gorgeous jewels, not to be had in her 
 menial state, but at the price of chastity. — Not an hour since she sent 
 them — impudently sent them — by a servant of this house — contagious 
 infamy started from their touch. 
 
 Eger. Sir, perliaps you may be mistaken concerning the terms on 
 which she received them. — Do you but clear her condu6l with Melville, 
 and I w^ill instantly satisfy your fears concerning the jewels and her virtue. 
 
 Mel. Sir, you give me new life : you are my better angel. I believe 
 in your words — your looks : — know then, I am that Melville, 
 
 Sir Per. How, sir ! you that Melville, that was at farmer Hodges's ? 
 
 Mel. The same, sir ; it was he brought my Constantia to my arms ; 
 lodged and secreted me — once my lowly tenant — now my only friend. 
 The fear of inexorable creditors made me change my name fi."om Har- 
 rington to Melville, till I could see and consult some who once called 
 themselves my friends. 
 
 Eger. Sir, suspend your fears and anger but for a few minutes ; I 
 will keep my word with you religiously, and bring your Constantia to 
 your arms, as virtuous, and as happy as you could wish her. 
 
 [Exit with Lady Mac. 
 
 Sir Per. The clearing up of this wench's virtue is damned unlucky: 
 I am afraid it will ruin aw our affairs again : — However, I have one 
 stroke still in my head that will secure the bargain with my lord, let 
 matters gang as they will. \^Aside.'^ But I wonder, Maister Melville, 
 that you did nai pick up some little matter of siller in the Indies ; ah ! 
 there have been bonny fortunes snapt up there, of late years, by some 
 of the military blades. 
 
 Mel. It is very true, sir : but it is an observation among soldiers, that 
 
 K
 
 66 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. Act V. 
 
 there are some men who never meet with any thing in the service but 
 blows and ill fortune. — I was one of those, even to a proverb. 
 
 Sir Per. Ah ! 'tis pity, sir, a great pity now, that you did nai get a 
 Mogul, or some sic an animal, iiitill your clutches. Ah ! I should like 
 to have the strangling of a Nabob, the rummaging of his gold dust, his 
 jewel closet, and aw his magazines of bars and ingots. Ha, ha, ha! — 
 guid traith naw, sic an a fellow would be a bonny cheeld to bring till 
 this town, and to exhibit him riding on an elephant : upon honour, a 
 man might raise a poll-tax by him, that would gang near to pay the 
 debts of the nation. 
 
 Enter Egerton, Constantia, Lady Macsycophant, and Sidney. 
 
 Eger. Sir, I promised to satisfy your fears concerning your daughter's 
 virtue ; and my best proof to you, and all the world, that I think her 
 not only the most chaste, but the most deserving of her sex, is, that I 
 have made her the partner of my heart, and the tender guardian of my 
 earthly happiness for life. 
 
 Sir Per. How ! married ! 
 
 Eger. I know, sir, at present we shall meet your anger ; but time, 
 refledlion, and our dutiful condu6f, we hope, will reconcile you to our 
 happiness. 
 
 Sir Per. Never, never — and could 1 make you, her, and aw your 
 issue, beggars, I would move hell, heaven, and earth, to do it. 
 
 Lord Lmn. Why, Sir Pertinax, this is a total revolution, and will 
 entirely ruin my affairs. 
 
 Sir Per. My lord, with the consent of your lordship, and Lady 
 Rodolpha, I have an expedient to offer, that will not only punish 
 that rebellious villain, but answer every end that your lordship and 
 the lady proposed by the intended match with him. 
 
 LordLum. I doubt it much. Sir Pertinax — I doubt it much : — But 
 what is it, sir ? — What is your expedient ? 
 
 Sir Per. My lord, I have another son, and, provided the lady and your 
 lordship have nai obje6lion till him, every article of that rebel's intended 
 marriage shall be amply fulfilled upon Lady Rodolpha's union with my 
 younger son.
 
 A£l V. THE MAN OF THE WORLD. 67 
 
 Lord Lum. Why that is an expedient indeed. Sir Pertinax. — But what 
 say you, Rodolpha ? 
 
 Lady Rod. Nay, nay, my lord, as I had nai reason to have the least 
 affedlion till my cousin Egerton, and as my intended marriage with him 
 was entirely an a6t of obedience till my grandmother, provided my 
 cousin Sandy will be as agreeable till her ladyship as my cousin Charles 
 here wou'd have been, — I have nai the least obje6lion till the change. 
 Ay, ay ! one brother is as guid till Rodolpha as another. 
 
 Sir Per. Til answer, madam, for your grandmother. — Now, my lord, 
 what say you ? 
 
 Lord Lum. Nay, Sir Pertinax, so the agreement stands, all is riglit 
 again. Come, child, let us begone, — Ay, ay, so my affairs are made 
 easy, it is equal to me whom she marries. — I say. Sir Pertinax, let them 
 be but easy, and rat me, if I care if she concorporates with the Cham of 
 Tartary. \^Exit. 
 
 Sir Per. As to you, my Lady Macsycophant, I suppose you concluded, 
 before you gave your consent till this match, that there wou'd be an 
 end of aw intercourse betwixt you and me. — Live with your Constantia, 
 madam, your son, and that black sheep there. — Live with them. — You 
 shall have a jointure, but not a bawbee besides, living or dead, shall you, 
 or any of your issue, ever see of mine ; — and so, my vengeance light 
 upon you aw together. . \^Exit. 
 
 Lady Rod. Wcel, cousin Egerton, in spite of the ambitious frenzy of 
 your father, and the thoughtless dissipation of mine, Don Cupid has at 
 last carried his point in favour of his devotees. — But I must now take 
 my leave. — Lady Macsycophant, your most obedient. — Maister Sidney, 
 yours. — Permit me, Constantia, to have the honour of congratulating 
 myself on our alliance. 
 
 Con. Madam, I shall ever study to deserve and to return this kindness. 
 
 Lady Rod. I am sure you will. — But ah! — I negleil my poor Sandy 
 aw this while ! and, guid traith, mine ain heart begins to tell me what 
 his feels, and chides me for tarrying so long. — I will therefore fly till 
 him on the wings of love and guid news; — for I am sure the poor lad is 
 pining with the pip of expe6lation and anxious jeopardy. And so, guid 
 folks, 1 will leave you with the fag end of an auld North-Country wish : —
 
 68 THE MAN OF THE WORLD. ASt V. 
 
 * May mutual love and guid humour be the guests of your hearts, the 
 ' theme of your tongues, and the blithsome subjects of aw your tricksey 
 
 * dreams throuo-h the rugged road of this deceitful world ; and may our 
 « fathers be an example till ourselves to treat our bairns better than they 
 
 * have treated us/ \^Exit. 
 Eger. You seem melancholy, sir. 
 
 Mel. These precarious turns of fortune, sir, will press upon the heart, 
 — ^for, notwithstanding my Constantia's happiness, and mine in hers — I 
 own I cannot help feeling some regret, that my misfortunes should be the 
 cause of any disagreement between a father, and the man to whom I am 
 under the most endearing obligations. 
 
 Eger. You have no share in his disagreement ; for had not you been 
 born, from my father's nature, some other cause of his resentment must 
 have happened. — But for a time at least, sir, and, I hope, for life, afflic- 
 tion and angry vicissitudes have taken their leaves of us all. — If affluence 
 can procure content and ease, they are within our reach. — My fortune 
 is ample, and shall be dedicated to the happiness of this domestic 
 circle. 
 
 My scheme, tho mock'd by hiave, coquet, and fool. 
 To thinking minds will prove this golden rule ; 
 In all pursuits, but chiefly in a wife. 
 Not wealth, but morals, make the happy life. 
 
 FINIS.
 
 LOVE A LA MODE. 
 
 FARCE. 
 
 BY 
 
 MR. CHARLES MACKL IN. 
 
 AS PERFORMED AT THE 
 
 THEATRES-ROYAL, DRURY-LANE AND COVENT-GARDEN. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED BY J. BELL, BOOKSnLLER TO HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 
 
 THE PRINCE OF WALES, 
 
 AT THE BRITISH LIBRARY, STRAND. 
 
 MDCCXCIII.
 
 Dramatis PcrsorKB. 
 
 COVENT- GARDEN. 
 
 SIR THEODORE GOODCHILD, — — 
 
 SIR ARCHY MdCSARCASM, — — 
 
 SiRCALLAGH.iN O'BRdLLAGH AN, — — 
 SQUiRE GROOM, — ^ — 
 
 MR. MORDEC.il, — — — 
 
 ATTORN EY, _ _ _ 
 
 SERVANT, _ _ _ 
 
 MISS CHARLOTTE, 
 
 Men. 
 
 Mr. THOMPSON. 
 Mr. WILSON. 
 Mr. JOHNSTONE. 
 Mr. lewis. 
 Mr. quick. 
 Mr. BLARTON. 
 Mr. ledger. 
 
 Woman. 
 Miss CHAPMAN.
 
 LOVE A LA MODE. 
 
 ACr I. SCENE I. 
 
 Enter Sir Theodore, wid Charlotte. 
 
 Charlotte. 
 
 Nay, there can be no harm in a httle mirth, guardian; even those who 
 happen to be the obje6ls must approve the justice of it. 
 
 Sir Theod. But consider, Charlotte, what will the world say of me ? 
 Will it not be in every mouth, that Sir Theodore Goodchild was a very 
 imprudent man, in combining with his ward to turn her lovers into 
 ridicule. 
 
 Charl. Not at all, sir : the world will applaud the mirth, especially 
 when they know what kind of lovers they are ; and that the sole motive 
 of their addresses was the lady's fortune. Well, sure, since the days of 
 giants and enchanted castles, no poor damsel has been besieged by such 
 a group of odd mortals. Let me review my equipage of lovers ! The 
 first upon the list is a beau Jew, who, in spite of nature and education, 
 sets up for a wit, a gentleman, and a man of taste. 
 
 Sir Theod. Aye, laugh at him as much as you will. 
 
 Charl. The next is a downright English — Newmarket, stable-bred » 
 gentleman jockey, who having ruined his finances by dogs, grooms, 
 cocks, horses, and such polite company, now thinks to retrieve his affairs 
 by a matrimonial match with a city fortune. 
 
 Sir Theod. Ha, ha, ha ! 1 find, madam, you have perused the squire 
 with great exa6lness. 
 
 Charl. Pretty well, sir. To this Newmarket wight succeeds a proud, 
 haughty, Caledonian knight ; whose tongue, hke the dart of death, spares 
 neither sex nor age, it leaves none unvisited. All dread, and all feel it. 
 
 B
 
 2 LOVE A LA MODE. Act I. 
 
 SirTliteod. Yes, yes, his insolence of family, and licentiousness of wit, 
 have gain'd him the contempt and general toleration of mankind. But 
 we must not look upon his spleen and ill nature, my dear, as a national, 
 but a personal vice. 
 
 Chad. As such, sir, I always understand, and laugh at him. — Well, of 
 all my swains, he is the most whimsical ; his passion is to turn every 
 mortal into ridicule ; even I, the obje6l of his flame, cannot escape ; for 
 while his avarice coiu^ts my fortune, his pride despises, and sneers at my 
 birth. 
 
 Sir Tbeod. That, Charlotte, is only to shew his wit. 
 Charl. True, sir. — The next in Cupid's train is your nephew, guardian, 
 a wild Irish, Prussian, hard-headed soldier, whose military humour, and 
 fondness for his profession, make me fancy sometimes that he was not 
 only born in a siege, but that Bellona had been his nurse. Mars his 
 schoolmaster, and the furies his playfellows. — Ha, ha, ha! 
 
 Sir Iheod. Ha, ha, ha ! O fye, Charlotte, how can you be so severe 
 upon my poor nephew ? 
 
 Charl. Upon my honour. Sir Theodore, I don't mean to be severe, for 
 I like his chara6ler extremely ; — ^lia, ha ! 
 
 Sir Tbeod. Well, well, notwithstanding your mirth, madam, I assure 
 you, he has gain'd the highest esteem in his profession. — But what can 
 you expe6t, my dear, from a soldier, a mere rough-hewn soldier, who, 
 at the age of fifteen, would leave Ireland, his friends, and every other 
 pursuit, to go a volunteer into the Prussian service, and there he has 
 lived seventeen years ; so that I don't suppose he has six ideas out of 
 his own profession — Garrisons and camps have been the courts and 
 academies that have formed him. But he ever had, from a child, a kind 
 of military madness. 
 
 Charl. O, I am in love with his warlike humour, I think it highly 
 entertaining. 
 
 Sir Tloeod. As he has not made any dire6^ addresses to you, Charlotte, 
 let me inform him how improper such a step would be, and even let us 
 leave him out of our scheme to-night. 
 
 Charl. O, sir, impossible ! our day's sport, our plot, our every thing, 
 would be imperfe^l without him ; why, I intend him to be the leading
 
 AB I. LOVE A LA MODE. 3 
 
 instrument in the concert. One cannot possibly do without Sir Callaghan 
 Brail — Bra — Brail. — Pray, guardian, learn me to pronounce my lover's 
 name. 
 
 Sir Tbeod. Thou art a mad creature! Well, madam, I will indulge 
 your wicked mirth. His name is Callaghan O'Brallaghan. 
 
 ClMrl. O shocking ! Callaghan O'Brallaghan ! why, it is enough to 
 choke one ; and is as difficult to be uttered as a Welsh pedigree. Why, 
 if the fates should bring vis together, I shall be obliged to hire an Irish 
 interpreter, to go about with me, to teach the people to pronounce my 
 name ; — ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Tbeod. You may laugh, madam., biit he is as proud of that name 
 as any of your lovers are of their titles. I suppose they all dine here. 
 
 Charl. Certainly ! — All but Squire Groom. 
 
 Sir Tbeod. O ! you must not expe6l him ; he is at York, he was to 
 ride his great match there, yesterday. He will not be here, you may 
 be sure. — Let me see: — What is't o'clock? — Almost three. — Who's 
 there .? 
 
 Enter a Servant. 
 
 Order the coach to the door. 
 
 Serv. 'Tis ready, sir. 
 
 Sir Tbeod. I will but just step to Lincoln's Inn Hall, and see what they 
 are doing in your cause ; it is to be ended to-day. By the time I return, 
 I suppose, your company will be come. A good morning to you, 
 Charlotte. 
 
 Cbarl. Sir, a good morning. \^Exit Sir Theodore. 
 
 Morde. [_Sings Italian xvitbout.^ Sir Theodore, your humble servant. 
 Sir Tbeod. [JVitbout .'^ Mr. Mordecai, your most obedient. 
 
 Enter a Servant. 
 
 Serv. Mr. Mordecai, madam. 
 
 Cbarl. Shew him in. \^Exit Servant. 
 
 Morde. {JVitbrnt.'} I see your coach is at the door. Sir Theodore, you 
 dine with tis, I hope.
 
 4 LOVE A LA MODE. AB I. 
 
 SirTheod. [Without.'} Certainly. You'll find Miss Charlotte within. 
 Your servant. 
 
 Morde. [JVithout.} Yours, Sir Theodore. 
 
 Enter Mordecai, singing an Italian Air, and addressing Charlotte 
 
 fantastically. 
 
 Charl. O caro, caro, carissimo. 
 
 Morde. Voi sete molto cortese ! anima mia ! here let me kneel, and 
 pay my softest adoration ; and thus, and thus, in amorous transport 
 breathe my last. {^Kisses her hand. 
 
 Charl. Ha, ha, ha ! softl}^, softly ! you would not sure breathe your 
 last yet, Mr. Mordecai. 
 
 Morde. Why, no, madam, I would live a little longer for your sake. 
 
 [^Bowing very low. 
 
 Charl. Ha, ha, ha ! you are infinitely polite — but a truce with your 
 gallantry — why you are as gay as the Sun ; — I think I never saw any 
 thing better fancied than that suit of yours, Mr. Mordecai. 
 
 Morde. Ha, ha ! — a — well enough — just as my tailor fancied — ha, ha, 
 ha ! Do you like it, madam ? 
 
 Charl. Quite elegant : I don't know any one about town deserves the 
 title of beau, better than Mr. Mordecai. 
 
 Morde. O dear madam, you are very obliging. 
 
 Chai'l. I think you are called Beau Mordecai by every body. 
 
 Morde. Yes, madam, they do distinguish me by that title, but I don't 
 think I merit the honour. 
 
 Chai'l. No body more : for I think you are always by far the finest 
 man in town. But do you know that I have heard of yoiu- extraordi- 
 nary court the other night, at the Opera, to Miss Sprightly. 
 
 Morde. O heavens, madam, how can you be so severe ? that the 
 woman has designs, I stedfastly believe ; but as to me — Oh ! — 
 
 Charl. Ha, ha, ha! Nay, nay, you must not deny it : for my intelli- 
 gence is from very good hands. 
 
 Morde. Pray, who may that be ? 
 
 Charl. Sir Archy Macsarcasm. 
 
 Morde. Oh, shocking! the common Pasquin of the town; besides.
 
 ASl I. LOVE A LA MODE. S 
 
 madam, you know he's my rival, and not very remarkable for veracity 
 in his narrations. 
 
 Charl. Ha, ha, ha ! I cannot say he's a religious observer of truth, 
 but his humour always makes amends for his invention. You must 
 allow he has humour, Mr. Mordecai. 
 
 Morde. O cuor mio ! how can you think so ? bating his scandal, dull, 
 dull as an Alderman, after six pounds of turtle, four bottles of port, and 
 twelve pipes of tobacco. 
 
 Cbarl. Ha, ha, ha ! O surfeiting ! surfeiting. 
 
 Morde. The man indeed has something droll — something ridiculous 
 in him ; — his abominable Scots accent, his grotesque visage, almost buried 
 in snuflP, the roll of his eyes, and twist of his mouth, his strange 
 inhuman laugh, his tremendous periwig, and his manners altogether, 
 indeed, has something so caricaturely risible in it, that, ha, ha, ha ! may 
 I die, madam, if I don't always take him for a mountebank-doclor at a 
 Dutch fair. 
 
 Cbarl. Oh, oh ! what a picture has he drawn ? Why you're as severe in 
 your portraits as Sir Archy himself. 
 
 Enter a Servant. 
 
 Serv. Sir Archy Macsarcasm is below, madam. 
 
 Charl. Shew him up. [^Exit Serv. 
 
 Morde. Don't you think, madam, he is a horrid, foul-mouthed, uncouth 
 fellow ? he is worse to me, madam, than assafoetida, or a tallow chandler's 
 shop, in the dog days ; his filthy high dried poisons me, and his scandal 
 is grosser than a hackney news writer's: Madam, he is as much 
 despised by his own county men, as by the rest of the world. The 
 better sort of Scotland never keep him company ; but that is entre nous, 
 entre nous. 
 
 Sir Archy. {^Speaks zcithout.'^ Randol, bid Sawney be here with the 
 chariot at eight o'clock exactly. 
 
 Enter Sir Archy. — Mordecai runs up to embrace him. 
 Sir Archy. Ha, ha, ha! my cheeld of circumcision, gee us a wag of 
 thy loofe ; hoo dun ye do, my bonny Girgishite .?
 
 6 LOVE A LA MODE. J^ I. 
 
 Mordc. Always at your service, Sir Archy : — He stinks worse than a 
 Scotch snuflf-shop. \^Aside.'2 
 
 Sir Archy. Weel, Mordecai, I see yee are as deehgent in the service o' 
 yeer mistress, as in the service of yeer leaking glass, for yeer face and 
 yeer thoughts are always turned upon the one or the other. 
 
 Morde. And I see your wit. Sir Archy, like a lawyer's tongue, will 
 ever retain its usual politeness and good nature. 
 
 Charl. [Coming forward.'^ Ha, ha, ha ! civil and witty on both sides. 
 Sir Archy, your most obedient. {CurUiesP^ 
 
 Sir Archy. Ten thousand pardons, madam, I did na' observe ye ; I 
 hope I see yeer ladyship weel. Ah ! yee look like a deeveenity . [Bowing 
 awkwardly and low.'} 
 
 Charl. Sir Archy, this is immensely gallant. 
 
 Sir Archy. Weel, madam, I see my friend Mordecai here is deter- 
 mined to bear away the prize trai us all ! Ha, ha, ha ! he is trick'd out 
 in aw the colours of the rainbow. 
 
 Charl. Mr. Mordecai is always well dress'd. Sir Archy. 
 
 Sir Archy. Upon honour he is as fine as a jay. Turn aboot, man, 
 turn aboot, let us view yeer finery : — step along, and let us see yeer 
 shapes — he has a bonny march wi' him : vary weel, vary eligant. — Ha, 
 ha, ha ! guid traith, I think I never saw a tooth-drawer better dressed 
 in aw my life. [Vieimng and admiring his dress.} 
 
 Charl. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Morde. You are very polite, sir. 
 
 Charl. But, Sir Archy, what is become of my Irish lover, your friend, 
 Sir Callaghan ? I hope he dines here. 
 
 Sir Archy. Ah, ah ! guid faith, wool he ! I have brought him along 
 wi' me. 
 
 Charl. What ! is he in the house ? 
 
 Sir Archy. Ay, in this very mansion, madam ; for ye mun ken, that, 
 like the monarchs of awld, I never travel noo without my fool. 
 
 Charl. Then, pray. Sir Archy, exhibit your fool. 
 
 M'^rde. Let's have a slice of him. 
 
 Sir Arclyy. Jauntly, jauntly, not so fast 1 he is not in reeght order 
 yet.
 
 Act I. LOVE A LA MODE. 7 
 
 Cbarl. How do you mean. Sir Arcliy ? 
 
 Sir Archy. Madam, as we came heether, I coonsell'd him to wreete a 
 loove cpestle till ye, by way of introdu6lion tuU his courtship ! he is 
 now aboot it below stairs, and in ten meenutes yee mun leuck to see an 
 amoroos beellet, sick as has nai been penn'd sin the days of Don Quix- 
 ote ; — Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Chad. O charming ! I shall be impatient till I see his passion upon 
 paper. 
 
 Si J- Archy. Guid faith, madam, he has done that already ; for he has 
 composed a jargon, that he calls a sonnet, upon his bewitching Charlotte, 
 as he tarms you. Mordecai, yee have heard him sing it. 
 
 Morde. I beg your pardon. Sir Archy, I have heard him roar it. 
 Madam, we had him last night at the tavern, and made him give it to 
 us in an Irish howl, that might be heard from hence to West Chester. 
 
 Sir Archy. Ha, ha, ha 1 why ye have a deevelish deal of wit, Mordecai. 
 
 Chart. Ha, ha, ha ! I must hear this song. 
 
 Morde. Madam, your servant ; — I will leave Sir Archy to entertain you 
 for a few minutes. 
 
 Charl. You are not going, Mr. Mordecai. 
 
 Morde. Madam, I am only going down stairs, to see if Sir Callaghan 
 is disengaged ; and, if he be, to have a laugh at him before dinner, by 
 way of a whet — that's all, madam, only by way of a whet. [Going.'] 
 
 Sir Archy. But, hark'e, Mordecai, not a seelable o' the letter. 
 
 Morde. O never fear me, Sir Archy, I am as secret as a spy. [Exit. 
 
 Sir Archy. What a fantastical baboon this Eesrelite makes of himself. 
 The fellow is the mockery of the whole nation. 
 
 Charl. Why, to say the truth, he is entertaining. Sir Archy. 
 
 Sir Archy. O yes, he is rediculous, therefore very useful in society, — for 
 wherever he comes there must be laughter. But, now, madam, eef 
 yee please, a word or twa of oor ain maiters ; ye see I do na paster yee 
 with flames, and darts, and seeghings, and lamentations, and frecvolous 
 protestations, like yeer silly loovers in a romance; for yee ken, I awways 
 speak my thoughts wi' a blunt inteegrity : — Madam, I loove you, and 
 guin I deed not, I would scorn to say it.
 
 8 LOVE A LA MODE. A^ I. 
 
 Chad. O, Sir Archy, all the world allows you sincerity, which is the 
 most valuable quality a friend or a lover can possess. 
 
 Sir Archy. Vary true, madam, therefore I cannot help giving yee a 
 hint, by way of a leetle fore knowledge, concerning these things that are 
 aboot ye, who caw themselves yeer lovers. — Squire Groom, doubtless, is 
 a man of honour, and my vary guid friend, but he is a baggar, a baggar ; 
 and, touching this Mordecai, the fellow is wealthy, 'tis true ; yes, yes, he 
 is wealthy, but he is a reptile, a mere reptile ! and, as to the Irishman, 
 Sir Callaghan O'Brallaghan, the fallow is weel enough to laugh at, but 
 I wou'd ha' yee leuk aboot yee there, for yee ken that yeer guardian is 
 his uncle, and, to my certain knowledge, there is a deseeign upon yeer 
 fortune in that quarter, depend upon it. 
 
 Cbarl. Very possible. Sir Archy, very possible ; for a woman's fortune, 
 I believe, is the principal objeft of every lover's wish. 
 
 Sir Archy. Madam, yeer observation is very orthodox! very orthodox, 
 in truth — as to Mordecai, Sir Callaghan, Squire Groom, and sic like 
 fellows ; but men of honour 1 men of honour, madam, have other prin- 
 ciples. 1 assure yee, lady, the tenure of my aflre6lion is nai for yeer pecu- 
 niar, but for the mental graces of yeer soul, and the deevene parfe6lions 
 of yeer body, which are indeed to me a Peru and a Mexico. 
 
 Chart. O, Sir Archy, you overwhelm me. 
 
 Sir Archy. Madam, I speak upon the verity of mine honour ; beside, 
 madam, guin ye marry me, ye wool marry a man of sobreeity and 
 oeconomy : 'tis true, I am not in the high-day of blood, yet, as the poet 
 sings, far fra the vale of years ; not like your young flashy whupsters, 
 that go off like a squib or a cracker, on a rejoicing night, in a noise and 
 a stanch, and are never heard of after. 
 
 Charl You are certainly right, Sir Archy, the young fellows of fashion 
 are mere trifles. 
 
 Sir. Archy. They are baubles, madam, absolute baubles and prodigals, 
 tharefore yee should preponderate the maiter weel, before yee mak yeer 
 eieftion. Consider, madam, there is nai scant of wealth or honour in 
 oor fameely. Lady, we hai in the hoose of Macsarcasm, twa Barons, 
 three Vicounts, six Earls, yane Marquisate, and twa Dukes — besides 
 Baronets and Lairds oot of aw reckoning.
 
 A5i 1. LOVE A LA MODE, Q 
 
 Charl. Ha, lia, ha ! 
 
 Sir Arcby. What gars yee laugh, madam ? 
 
 Chad. I beg your pardon, sir ; but — ha, ha, ha! I am laughing to — 
 ha, ha, ha ! to think what a — ha, ha ! a number of noble relations I shall 
 have. 
 
 Sir Arcby. Faith wool ye, madam, and other guess fameelies than ye 
 hai in this part of the world. — Odzwuns, madam, there is as much deef- 
 ference betweext our Nobeelity of the North, and yours o' th' South, as 
 there is betwixt a haund of blood and a mungrel. 
 
 Cbarl. Ha, ha, ha ! Pray how do you make out that. Sir Archy ? 
 
 Sir Arcby. Why, madam, in Scotland, aw our Nobeelity are sprung 
 firai Monarchs, Warriors, Heroes, and glorious achievements ; now, here 
 i' th' South, ye are aw sprung frai sugar hogsheads, rum puncheons, 
 wool packs, hop sacks, iron bars, and tar jackets ; — in short, ye are a 
 composition of Jews, Turks, and Refugees, and of aw the commercial 
 vagrants ot the land and sea — a sort of amphibious breed ye are. 
 
 Cbarl. Ha, ha, ha ! we are a strange mixture indeed, nothing like so 
 pure and noble as you are in the North. 
 
 Sir Archy. O naithing like it, madam, naithinglike it — ^we are of anai- 
 ther kadney. Now, madam, as yee yoursel are nai weel propagated, 
 as yee hai the misfortune to be a cheeld o' commerce, yee should endea- 
 vour to mack yeer espousals intul yean of oor auncient noble fameelies 
 of the North ; for yee mun ken, madam, that sic an alliance wuU purify 
 yeer blood, and gi yee a ronk and consequence in the world, that aw yeer 
 palf, were it as muckle as the bank of Edenburgh, could not purchase 
 for you. 
 
 Charl. Very true, Sir Archy, very true ; upon my word, your advice 
 is friendly and impartial, and I will think of it. 
 
 Enter Mordecai, 
 
 Morde. Here he is ! he is coming, madam ! he is but just giving some 
 orders to his servant about his baggage and post-horses. 
 
 Charl. I hope he is not going away. 
 
 Morde. Troth is he, madam, he is impatient to be with the army in 
 Germany. 
 
 C
 
 10 LOVE A LA MODE. A5l J, 
 
 Sir Callaghan, and Servant within. 
 
 Sir Call. Is Sir Archy Macsarcasm and the lady this way, do you say, 
 young man ? 
 Serv. Yes, sir. 
 Sir Call. Then I'll trouble you with no further ceremony. 
 
 Enter Sir Callaghan. 
 
 Sir Call. Madam, I am your most devoted and most obedient humble 
 servant, and am proud to have the honour of kissing your fair hand this 
 morning. \^Salutes her. 
 
 Charl. Sir Callaghan, your humble servant — I am sorry to hear we are 
 likely to lose you. I was in hopes the campaign had been quite over in 
 Germany, for this winter. 
 
 Sir Call. Yes, madam, it was quite over, but it begun again : a true 
 genius never loves to quit the field till he has left himself nothing to do ; 
 for then, you know, madam, he can keep it with more safety. 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Archy. Vary true, sir, vary true. But, Sir Callaghan, just as yee 
 enter 'd the apartment, the lady was urging she shou'd like it mightily, 
 guin yee wou d favour her wi' a sleeght narrative of the late transa(5lions 
 and battles in Germany. 
 
 Charl. If Sir Callaghan would be so obliging. 
 
 Sir Call. O dear, madam, don't ax me. 
 
 Charl. Sir, I beg pardon, I would not press any thing that I thought 
 might be disagreeable to you. 
 
 Sir Call. O, dear madam, it is not for that ; but it rebutes a man of 
 honour to be talking to ladies of battles, and sieges, and skrimages — it 
 looks like gasconading and making the fanfaron. Besides, madam, I give 
 you my honour, there is no such thing in nature as making a true de- 
 scription of a battle. 
 
 Charl. How so, sir ? 
 
 Sir Call. Why, madam, there is so much doing every where, there is 
 no knowing what is done any where ; for every man has his own part to 
 look after, which is as much as he can do, without minding what other
 
 Aci I. LOVE A LA MODE. 11 
 
 people are about. Then, madam, there is such drumming and trum- 
 peting, firing and smoking, fighting and ratthng every where — and such 
 an uproar of courage and slaughter in every man's mind — and such a 
 delightful confusion altogether, that you can no more give an account of 
 it than you can of the stars in the sky. 
 
 Sir Archy. As I shall answer it, I think it a very descriptive accoont 
 that he gives of a battle. 
 
 Chad. Admirable! and very entertaining. 
 
 Morde. O delightful! 
 
 Sir Archy. Mordecai, ask him some questions — to him — to him, mun 
 — hai a leetle fun wi' him — smoke him, smoke him, rally him, mun, rally 
 him. \JFbispering. 
 
 Morde. I'll do it, I'll do it — yes, I will smoke the captain. — Well, and 
 pray. Sir Callaghan, how many might you kill in a battle? 
 
 Sir Call. Sir! 
 
 Morde. I say, sir, how many might you have kill'd in any one battle ? 
 
 Sir Call. Kill. Um! — Why, I generally kill more in a battle than a 
 coward would choose to look upon, or than an impartinent fellow would 
 be able to eat. — Ha ! — Are you answer 'd, Mr. Mordecai ? 
 
 Morde. Yes, yes, sir, I am answer'd. — He is a devilish droll fellow — ■ 
 vastly queer. 
 
 Sir Archy. Yes, he is vary queer. — But yee were vary sharp upon 
 him. — Odswuns, at him again, at him again — have another cut at him. 
 
 Morde. Yes, I will have another cut at him. 
 
 Sir Archy. Do, do. — He wull bring himself intill a damn'd scrape pre- 
 sently. [^Aside. 
 
 Morde. [Going to Sir Callaghan and sneering him.^ He, he, he ! but 
 heark'e, Sir Callaghan — he, he, he ! — give me leave to tell you now, if 
 I was a general 
 
 Sir Call. You a general ! faith then, you would make a very pretty 
 general ! [Turns Mordecai ahout.^ Pray, madam, look at the general — 
 ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Call. O my dear Mr. Mordecai, be advised, and don't prate about 
 generals ; it is a very hard trade to learn, and requires being in the field
 
 12 LOVE A LA MODE. AB I. 
 
 late and early — a great many frosty nights and scorching days — to be 
 able to eat and drink, and laugh and rejoice, with danger on one side 
 of you, and death on the other — and a hundred things beside, that you 
 know no more of than I do of being a high priest of a synagogue ; so 
 hold your tongue about generals, Mr. Mordecai, and go and mind your 
 Lottery-Tickets, and your cent per cent, in 'Change- Alley. 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Archy. Ha, ha, ha ! he haith tickled up the Israelite — he hai gin it 
 the Moabite on baith sides of his lugs. 
 
 Charl. But, Sir Callaghan, sure you must have been in imminent dan- 
 ger in the variety of a6lions you have gone through. 
 
 Sir Call. Ho', to be sure, madam, who would be a soldier without 
 danger. Danger, madam, is a soldier's greatest glory, and death his best 
 reward . 
 
 Morde. Ha, ha, ha ! that is an excellent bull! death a reward! Pray, 
 Sir Callaghan, no offence I hope, how do you make death being a reward .'' 
 
 Sir Call. How ! Why don't you know that ? 
 
 Morde. Not I, upon honour. 
 
 Sir Call. Why, a soldier's death, in the field of battle, is a monument 
 of fame, that makes him as much alive, as Caesar, or Alexander, or any 
 dead hero of them all. 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Charl. Very well explain'd. Sir Callaghan. 
 
 Sir Archy . Axcellently weel ! very logically, and like a true hero. 
 
 Sir Call. Why, madam, when the history of the English campaigns in 
 America comes to be written, there is your own brave young general, that 
 died the other day in the field of battle before Quebec, will be alive to 
 the end of the world. 
 
 Charl. You are right. Sir Callaghan, his virtues, and those of his fel- 
 low soldiers, in that a6tion — aye, and of those that plann'd it too, will be 
 remember'd by their country, while Britain or British gratitude has a 
 being. 
 
 Sir Archy. Oh ! the Highlanders did guid service in that a61:ion — they 
 cut them, and slash'd them, and whapt tliem aboot, and play'd the vary 
 deevil wi' 'em, sir. There is nai sic thing as standing a Highlander's
 
 AB I. LOVE A LA MODE. 18 
 
 Andrew Ferara, they wull slaughie off a fellow's head at one dash, slap ; 
 it was they that did the business at Quebec . 
 
 Sir Call. I dare say they were not idle, for they are tight fellows. 
 Give me your hand, Sir Archy ; I assure you your countrymen are good 
 soldiers — aye, and so are ours too. 
 
 Chaj'l. Well, Sir Callaghan, I assure you, I am charmed with your 
 heroism, and greatly obliged to you for your account. Come, Mr. Mor- 
 decai, we will go down to Sir Theodore, for I think I heard his coach stop. 
 
 Morde. Madam, I attend you with pleasure ; will you honour me with 
 the tip of your ladyship's wedding linger ? Sir Callaghan, your servant ; 
 yours, yours, look here, here. [JExit, leading Charlotte. 
 
 Sir Call. I find he is a very impertinent coxcomb, this same Beau 
 Mordecai. 
 
 Sir Archy. Yes, sir, he is a damned impudent rascal. 
 
 Sir Call. I assure you, I had a great mind to be upon the quivive with 
 him, for his jokes and his mockeries, but that the lady was by. 
 
 Sir Archy. Yes, he is a cursed impudent fellow — because he is suffered 
 to speak tull a man of fashion, at Bath and Tunbridge, and other 
 public places, the rascal always obtrudes himself upon you. But, Sir 
 Callaghan, hai yee wreeten the letter to the lady ? 
 
 Sir Call. I have not . 
 
 Sir A7xhy. Hoo happened that, mon ? 
 
 Sir Call. Why, upon refle6ling, I found it would not be consisting 
 with the decorums of a man of honour to write to a lady in the way ot 
 matrimonial advances, before I had first made my affe6lions known to 
 her guardian, who is, you know, my uncle ; so I have indited the letter 
 to him, instead of the lady, which is the same thing you know. 
 
 Sir Archy. Ha, ha ! exadly, exadlly, for so yee do but wreete aboot it, 
 yee ken, it maiters not to whom. 
 
 Sir Call. Ay, that is what I thought myself; so here it is. {Takes out 
 a Letter, reads.'} ' To Sir Theodore Goodchild'^ — 
 
 Sir Archy. Ay, let's have it — I warrant 'tis a boney epistle. 
 
 Sir Call. IReads.} 
 ' Sir, 
 * As 1 have the honoiu" to bear the chara61:er of a soldier, and to call Sir
 
 14 LOVE A LA MODE. Aci I. 
 
 ' Theodore GoodchilJ uncle, I do not think it would be conshisting vid 
 
 * a man of honour to behave like a scoundrel' — 
 
 Sir Archy. That is an excellent remark, Sir Callaghan, an excellent 
 remark, and vary new^. 
 
 Sir Call. Yes, I think it is a good remark. [Reads.'l ' Therefore I 
 ' thought proper, before I proceeded any farther, (for I have done 
 
 * nothing as yet) to break my mind to you, before I eng.ngetheaffedlions 
 ' of the young lady.' — You see, Sir Archy, I intend to carry the place 
 like a soldier, A la Militaire, as we say abroad, for I make my approaches 
 regularly to the breast work, before I attempt the covered way. 
 
 Sir Archy. Axcellent! that's axcellent. 
 
 Sir Call. Yes, 1 think it will do. \^Rea(ls.'2 ' For as you are a gentleman, 
 
 * and one that knows my family, by my fader's side, which you are 
 
 * shensible is as ould as any in the three kingdoms, and oulder too — So 
 
 * I thought it would be foolish to stand shilli shalli any longer, but come 
 ' to the point at once.' You see. Sir Archy, I give him a rub ; but by 
 way of a hint about my family, because why, do you see, Sir Theodore 
 is my uncle, only by my moder's side, which is a little upstart family, 
 that eame in vid one Strongbow but t'other day — lord, not above six or 
 seven hundred years ago ; whereas my family, by my fader's side, are all 
 the true old Melesians, and related to the OTlahertys, and O'Shocknesses, 
 and the Mac Laughlins, the O'Donnaghans, O'Callaghans, O'Geoga- 
 ghans, and all the tick blood of the nation — and I myself, you know, am 
 an O'Brallaghan, which is the ouldest of them all. 
 
 Sir Archy. Ha, ha, ha ! ay, ay ! I believe you are of an auncient 
 family. Sir Callaghan, but you are oot in one point. 
 
 Sir Call. What is that. Sir Archy ? 
 
 Sir Archy. Where yee said yee were as auncient as any family i'the 
 three kingdoms. 
 
 Sir Call. Faith, den, I said nothing but truth. 
 
 Sir Arch. Hut, hut, hut away, mon, hut awaw, ye mo no say that; 
 what the de'el, consider our fameelies i'th' North ; why yee of Ireland, 
 sir, are but a colony frai us, an oot cast ! a mere oot cast, and as such 
 yee remain tull this hoor. 
 
 Sir Call. I beg your pardon, Sir Archy, that is the Scotch account.
 
 AB 1. LOVE A LA MODE. 15 
 
 which, you know, never speaks truth, because it is always partial ; — but 
 the Irish history, which must be the best, because it was written by an 
 Irish poet of my own family, one Shemus Thurlough Shannaghan 
 O'Brallaghan, and he says, in his chapter of genealogy, that the Scots 
 are all Irishmen's bastards. 
 
 Sir Archy. Hoo, sir ! baistards ! do yee make us illegeetemate, illegee- 
 temate, sir ? 
 
 Sir Call. Faith I do — for the youngest branch of our family, one 
 Mac Fergus O'Brallaghan, was the very man that went from Carrick- 
 fergus, and peopled all Scotland with his own hands ; so that, my dear 
 Sir Archy, you must be bastards of course, you know. 
 
 Sir Archy. Hark'e, Sir Callaghan, though yeer ignorance and vanety 
 would make conquerors and ravishers of yeer auncestors, and harlots 
 and Sabines of our maithers — yat, yee shall prove, sir, that their issue are 
 aw the cheeldren of honour. 
 
 Sir Call. Hark'e, hark'e, Sir Archy, what is that yee mentioned about 
 ignorance and vanity ? 
 
 Sir Archy. Sir, I denoonce yee both ignorant and vain, and make yeer 
 most of it. 
 
 Sir Call. Faith, sir, I can make nothing of it ; for they are words I don't 
 understand, because they are what no gentleman is used to: and there- 
 fore, you must unsay them. 
 
 Sir Archy. Hoo, sir ! eat my words ? a North Briton eat his words ? 
 
 Sir Call. Indeed you must, and this instant eat them. 
 
 Sir Archy. Yee shall first eat a piece of this weapon. \^Draws. 
 
 Sir Call. Poo, poo. Sir Archy, put up, put up — this is no proper place 
 for such work ; consider, drawing a sword is a very serious piece of busi- 
 ness, and ought always to be done in private : we may be prevented 
 here ; but if you are for a little of that fun, come your ways to the right 
 spot, my dear. 
 
 Sir Archy. No equeevocation, sir, donna yee think yee ha' gotten 
 Beau Morderai to cope with. Defend yeersel, for by the sacred honour 
 of Saint Andrew, yee shall be responsible for macking us illegeetemate, 
 sir, illegeetemate. 
 
 Sir Call. Then, by the sacred crook of Saint Patrick, you are a very
 
 16 LOVE A LA MODE. AB I. 
 
 foolish man to quarrel aboiit such a trifle. But since you have a mind 
 for a tilt, have at you, my dear, for the honour of the sod. Oho ! my 
 jewel ! never fear us, you are as welcome as the flowers in May. 
 
 Enter Charlotte. 
 
 Charl. O I bless me, gentlemen ! What are you doing ? what is all this 
 about ? 
 
 Sir Call. Madam, it is about Sir Archy's great grandmother, 
 
 Charl. His great grandmother ! 
 
 Sir Call. Yes, madam, he is angry that I said my ancestor, Fergus 
 O'Brallaghan, was a gallant of theirs. 
 
 Charl. Grandmother ! pray. Sir Archy, what is the meaning of all 
 this .? 
 
 Sir Archy. Madam, he has cast an affront upon a whole nation. 
 
 Sir Call. I am sure if I did, it was more than I intended ; I only argued 
 out of the history of Ireland, to prove the antiquity of the O'Brallaghans. 
 
 Sir Archy. Weel, sir, since yee say yee did na intend the affront, I am 
 satisfied . \^Puts up his sword. 
 
 Sir Call. Not I, upon my honour ; — there are two things I am always 
 afraid of; the one is of being affironted myself, and the other of affronting 
 any man. 
 
 Sir Archy. Vary weel, sir, vary weel. 
 
 Charl. That is a prudent and a very generous maxim. Sir Callaghan. 
 Sir Archy, pray let me beg that this business may end here : I desire 
 you will embrace, and be the friends you were before this mistake 
 happened. 
 
 Sir Archy. Madam,' yeer commands are absolute. 
 
 Charl. Sir Callaghan 
 
 Sir Call. Madam, with all my heart and soul. I assure you. Sir Archy, 
 I had not the least intention of afti'onting, or quarrelling with you. 
 
 \jOffers to embrace. 
 
 Sir Archy. [_Starting from him with contonpt.'^ Varyweel, sir, vary weel. 
 
 Sir Call. Oh ! the curse of Cromwell upon your proud Scotch 
 stomach.
 
 A£i I. LOVE A LA MODE. 
 
 17 
 
 Chad. Well, gentlemen, I am glad to see you are come to a rio-ht 
 understanding — I hope 'tis all over. 
 
 Sir Archy. I am satisfied, madam ; there is an end on't. But now. Sir 
 Callaghan, let me tell yee ass a friend, yee should never enter intul a 
 dispute aboot leeterature, history, or the anteequity of fameelies, frai 
 yee ha' gotten sick a wecked, aukard, cursed jargon upon your tongue, 
 that yee are never inteelegeble in yeer language. 
 
 Sir Call. Ha, ha, ha ! I beg your pardon, Sir Archy, it is you that 
 have got such a cursed twist of a fat Scotch brogue about the middle of 
 your own tongue, that you can't understand good English when I spake 
 it to you. 
 
 Sir Archy. Ha, ha, ha! weel, that is droll enough, upon honour — ^yee 
 are as guid ass a farce or a comedy ; but yee are oot again. Sir Callao-han, 
 it is yee that hai the brogue, and not me ; for aw the woi'ld kens I speak 
 the Sooth Country so weel, that wherever I gang, I am awways taken for 
 an Englishman : but we wool make judgment by the lady, which of us 
 twa has the brogue. 
 
 Sir Call. O, with all my heart. Pray, madam, have I the brogue ? 
 
 Charl. Ha, ha ha ! not in the least, Sir Callaghan, not in the least. 
 
 Sir Call. I am sure I could never perceive it. 
 
 Charl. Pray, Sir Archy, drop this contention, or we may chance to 
 have another quarrel — you both speak most elegant English ; neither of 
 you have the brogue ; neither. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Enter a Servant. 
 
 Serv. The ladies are come, madam, and Sir Theodore desires to speak 
 with you. 
 
 Charl. I will wait on him. [Exit Serv. ^ Gentlemen, your servant — you 
 will come to us ? [Exit. 
 
 Sir Archy. Instantly, madam. Weel, Sir Callaghan, donna let us drop 
 the deseegn of the letter, notwithstanding what has happened. 
 
 Sir Call. Are we friends, Sir Archy ? 
 
 Sir Arclry. Pooh ! upon honour am I ; it was aw a mistake. 
 
 Sir Call. Then give me your hand ; I assure you. Sir Archy, I always 
 love a man when I quarrel with him, after I am friends. 
 
 D
 
 18 LOVE A LA MODE. A£t I, 
 
 Enter a Servant. 
 
 Seiv. Dinner is served, gentlemen. 
 
 Sir Arcbv. Come along then, Sir Callaghan — I will bring yeeand the 
 lady together after deener, and then we shall see hoo yee will make yeer 
 advances in love, 
 
 Sir Call. O never fear me, Sir Archy — I will not stay to make a regu- 
 lar siege of it, but will take her at once with a coup de main, or die 
 upon the spot ; for as the old song says. Sir Archy 
 
 [Si figs to an Irish tune. 
 Ton never did bear of an Irishman s fear., 
 In love, or in battle, in love, or in battle ; 
 We are always on duty, and ready for beauty, 
 "Tho camiojis do rattle, thd cannons do rattle : 
 By day and by flight, we love and we fight ; 
 We're honour s defender ^ we re honour s defender j 
 I'hefoe and the fair we always take care. 
 To make them surrender, to make thetn surrender. [Exeunt. 
 
 END OF THE FIRST ACT.
 
 A^ II. LOVE A LA MODE. 19 
 
 ACT II. SCENE I. 
 
 Continues. Enter Sir Archy, and Charlotte. 
 
 Sir Archy. Adzwuns, madam, step intul us for a moment, yee wul 
 crack yoursel wi' laughter ; we hai gotten anaither feul come to deevcrt 
 us unexpe6tedly, which I tliink is the highest finished feul the age has 
 produced. 
 
 Charl. Whom do you mean, Sir Archy ? 
 
 Sir Archy. Squire Groom, madam; but such a figure, the finest yee 
 ever beheld: his leetle half beuts, black cap, jockey dress, and aw his 
 pontificalibus, just as he rid the match yesterday at Yorke. Anteequity, 
 in aw its records of Greek and Roman folly, never produced a senator, 
 veeseting his mistress, in so compleat a feul's garb. 
 
 Charl. Ha, ha, ha ! ridiculous ! I thought I had done wondering at 
 the mirror of folly ; but he is one of those geniuses that never appear 
 without surprising the world with some new stroke. 
 
 Etiter MoRDECAi. 
 
 Morck. O madam ! ha, ha, ha ! I am expiring — such a scene betwixt 
 your two lovers, Squire Groom, and Sir Callaghan : — They have chal- 
 lenged each other. 
 
 Charl. O heavens, I hope not. 
 
 Sir Archy. Ha, ha, ha ! that's guid, that's guid ! I thought it would 
 come to a6tion ; ha, ha, ha ! that's clever — now we shall hai one of them 
 penk'd ; ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Charl. How can you laugh, Sir Archy, at such a shocking circum- 
 stance .'' 
 
 Morde. Don't be frightened, madam, ha, ha, ha ! don't be frightened 1 
 neither of them will be killed, take my word for it — unless it be with 
 claret, for that's their weapon. 
 
 Charl. O Mr. Mordecai, how could you startle one so ? 
 
 Sir Archy. O I am sorry for that — guid faith, I was in hopes they had
 
 20 LOVE A LA MODE. Avl II. 
 
 a mind to shew their prowess before their meestress, and that we should 
 hai a leetle Irish, or Newmarket blood spilt ; — but what was the cause of 
 challenoe, Mordecai ? 
 
 Morde. Their passion for this lady, sir. Squire Groom challenged 
 Sir Callaghan to drink your ladyship's health in a pint bumper— which 
 the knight gallantly accepted in an instant, and returned the challenge 
 in a quart— which was as gallantly received and swallowed by the squire, 
 ha, ha, ha ! and out-brav'd by a fresh daring of three pints : upon 
 which I thought proper to decamp ; not thinking it altogether safe to 
 be near the champions, lest 1 should be deluged by a cascade of claret. 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Chad. O, monstrous ! they will kill themselves. 
 
 Morde, Never fear, madam. 
 
 Groom. [JFitbin, hallooing.'^ Come along. Sir Callaghan Brallaghan, 
 haux, haux ! hark forward, my honies. 
 
 Morde. Here your champion comes, madam. 
 
 Enter Squire Groom, drunk. 
 
 Groom. Madam, I beg a million of pardons for not being with you 
 at dinner — it was not my fault, upon my honour — for I sat up all night, 
 on purpose to set out betimes ; but, about one o'clock, last night, at 
 York, as we were all damn'd jolly, that fool. Sir Roger Bumper, 
 borrowed my w'atch to set his by it : — there it is — look at it, madam, it 
 corre6ts the sun — they all stop by it, at Newmarket : — And so, madam, 
 as I was telling you, the drunken blockhead put mine back two hours, 
 on purpose to deceive me — otherwise I would have held fifty to one I 
 should have been here to a second. 
 
 Charl. O, sir, there needs no apology ; bvit how came you to travel in 
 that extraordinary dress ? 
 
 Groom. A bett, a bett, madam — I rid my match in this very dress, 
 yesterday : So, Jack Buck, Sir Roger Bumper, and some more of them, 
 layed me an hundred each that 1 would not ride to London and visit 
 you in it, madam — ha, ha ! don't you think I have touched them, madam ? 
 ha ! I have taken them all in, — ha ! hav'n't I, madam ? 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha !
 
 A6t II. LOVE A LA MODE. 21 
 
 Chart. You have, indeed, sir ; pray what time do you allow yourself 
 to come from York to London ? 
 
 Groom. Ha ! time! Why, bar a neck, a leg, or an arm, sixteen hours, 
 seven minutes, and thirty-three seconds — sometimes three or four 
 seconds under, tliat is, to the Stone's end, not to my own house. 
 
 Sir Archy. No, no, not tull yeer own hoose, that would be too much. 
 
 Groom. No, no, only to the Stone's end ; but then, I have my own 
 hacks, steel to the bottom, all blood — stickers and lappers every inch, 
 my dear — that will come thro' if they have but one leg out of the four. I 
 never keep any thing, madam, that is not bottom — game, game to the 
 last ; ay, ay, you will find every thing that belongs to me game, 
 madam. 
 
 Sir Archy. Ha, ha, ha ! weel seed, squore — yes, yes, he is game, game 
 to the bottom. — There, walk aboot, and let us see yeer shapes. — Ha! 
 what a fine feegure ; why, yee are so fine a feegure, and hai so guid a 
 understanding for it, it is a peety yee should ever do any thing aw yeer 
 life, but ride horse-races.— Do na yee think he is a cursed ideot, Mor- 
 decai ? {jVbiapering Moi'decai. 
 
 Morde. Um ! he is well enough for a squire — ha,^ ha 1 
 
 Groom. Madam, I am come to pay my respe6ls to you, according to 
 promise. Well, which of us is to be the happy man } you know I 
 love you — may I never win a match, if I don't. 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Charl. O, sir, I am convinced of yoiu' passion, I see it in your eyes. 
 
 Sir Archy. Weel, but squore, you hai gi us na acoounthow the match 
 went. 
 
 Charl. Pray, what was the match, sir ? 
 
 Groom. Our Contribution, madam. There are seven of us : — Jack Buck 
 — ^Lord Brainless — Bob Rattle — (you know Bob, madam, Bob's a damn'd 
 honest fellow)— Sir Harry Idle— Dick Riot — Sir Roger Bumper— and 
 myself. We put in five hundred a piece, all to ride ourselves, and all 
 to carry my weight. — The odds at starting were six and seven to four 
 against me, the field round ; and the field, ten, fifteen, and twenty to 
 one — for you must know, madam, the thing I was to have rid was let 
 down — do you mind ? — was let down, madam, in his exercise.
 
 gg LOVE A LA MODE. AB II. 
 
 Sir Archy. That was unlucky. 
 
 Groom. O, damn'd unlucky ! however, we started off score, by Jupiter ; 
 and for the first half mile, madam, you might have cover'd us with your 
 under petticoat. But your friend Bob, madam, — ha, ha! I shall never 
 foro-et it ; poor Bob went out of the course, and ran over two attornies, 
 an exciseman, and a little beau Jew, Mordecai's friend, madam, that you 
 used to lau^h at so immoderately at Bath — a little, fine, dirty thing, 
 with a chocolate coloured phiz, just like Mordecai's. — The people were 
 in hopes he had kill'd the lawyers, but were damnably disappointed, 
 when they found he had only broke a leg of one, and the back of the 
 other. 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Archy. And hoo did it end, squire ? Who won the subscription ? 
 
 Groom. It lay between Dick Riot and me. We were neck and neck, 
 madam, for three miles, as hard as we could lay leg to ground — made 
 running every inch ; — but, at the first loose, I felt for him, found I had 
 the foot — knew my bottom — pull'd up — pretended to dig and cut — all 
 fudge, all fudge, my dear ; gave the signal to pond, to lay it on thick — 
 had the whip hand all the way — lay with my nose in his flank, under 
 the wind — thus, snug, snug, my dear, quite in hand ; while Riot was 
 digging and lapping, right and left — but it would not do, my dear, 
 against foot, bottom, and head ; so within a hundred yards of the distance 
 post, poor Dick knock'd up, as stift' as a turnpike, and left me to canter 
 in by myself, and to touch them all round ; for I took all the odds, split 
 me — Ha! Wasnt I right? — Ha! took the odds. Ay, ay, took all the 
 odds, my dear. 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Archy. Weel, it is wonderful to think to what a pitch of axcel- 
 lence oor nobeelity are arrived at in the art of sporting ; — I believe we axcel 
 aw the nobeelity in Europe in that science, especially in jockey ship. 
 
 Groom. Sir Archy, I'll tell you what I will do — I will start a horse, 
 fight a main, hunt a pack of hounds, ride a match, or a fox chace, drive 
 a set of horses, or hold a toast, with any nobleman in Europe, for a thou- 
 sand each — and I say done first, damn me. 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha !
 
 AB II. LOVE A LA MODE. 23 
 
 Sir Archy". Why, I know ye wull, and I will gang yeer holves. Why, 
 madam, the squire is the keenest sportsman in aw Europe : Madam, 
 there is naithing comes amiss tull him ; he will fish, or fowl, or hunt — 
 he hunts every thing ; eveery thing, frai the flee i' the blonket to the 
 elephant in the forest, — He is at aw — a perfe6l Nimrod ; are yee not, 
 squere ? 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha •' 
 
 Groom. Yes, damn me, I am a Nimrod, madam ; at all, at all — any 
 thing, any thing. — Why, I ran a snail with his grace, the other day, for 
 five hundred — nothing in it — won it hollow, above half a horn's length. 
 
 Sir Archy. By above half a horn's length, that was hollow indeed, 
 squire. 
 
 Groom. O, develish hollow. 
 
 Sir Archy. But where is Sir Callaghan aw this time .? 
 
 Groom. O 1 he's with Sir Theodore, who is joking him about his 
 drinking bumpers with me, and his passion for you, madam. 
 
 Sir Archy. Ye mun ken, gentlemen, this lady and I hai laid a scheme 
 to hai a leetle sport with Sir Callaghan — now, if yee wool stoop behind 
 that screen, and promise to be silent, I'll gang and fetch him, and yee 
 shall hear him make love as fierce as any hero in a tragedy. 
 
 Groom. Sir Archy, I'll be as silent as a hound at fault. 
 
 Sir Archy. Then do yee retire, madam, and come in tull him, as if 
 yee came on purpose — I'll fetch him in an instant, 
 
 Chmi. I shall be ready. Sir Archy. \^Exit. 
 
 Sir Archy. Get yee behind, get yee behind, gentlemen. \^Exit. 
 
 Groom. Ay, ay, we'll squat, never fear. Sir Archy — an Irishman make 
 love ! I should be glad to hear what an Irishman can say when he makes 
 love. What do you think he'll say, little Shadrach .? Do you think he'll 
 make love in Irish ? 
 
 Morde. Something very like it, I dare say, squire. Let us retire, here 
 they come. '^^Both retire. 
 
 Enter Sir Archy, a)id Sir Callaghan. 
 
 Sir Archy. Speak bawldly, mon ; yee ken the old proverb, • Faint 
 heart '
 
 24 LOVE A LA MODE. Act II, 
 
 Sir Call. That is true ' never won fair lady.' — Yes, I think now I 
 
 have got a bumper or two, I may tell her my passion, and bring the 
 point to an ecclaircisement. 
 
 Sir Arcfjy. Ay, that's reeght, mon ! steek to that, she wull be wi' yee 
 in a twankling. — Yeer servant, I wish yee guid success. \^Exit. 
 
 Sir Call. Sir Archy, your servant ! Well, now what am I to do in this 
 business — I know it is a great scandal for a soldier to be in love in time 
 of war — I strive to keep her out of my mind, but can't ; the more I strive 
 to do it, the more she comes in. 1 am upon the forlorn hope here, so 
 must e'en make my push with vigour at once. 
 
 Enter Charlotte. 
 
 Chart. Sir Callaghan, your servant. 
 
 Sir Call. Madam, I humbly beg your pardon, for not seeing of you 
 sooner ; but I was spaking a soliloquy to myself, about your ladyship, 
 and that kept me from observing you . 
 
 Chart. Sir Theodore told me you wanted to speak to me upon some 
 particular business. 
 
 Sir Call. Why, look you, madam, for my part, I was never born or 
 bred in a school of compliments, where they learn line bows, and fine 
 speeches ; but in an academy, where heads, and legs, and arms, and bul- 
 lets, dance country dances without the owner's leave ; just as the fortune 
 of war directs. Therefore, madam, all that I can say to you, is, that 
 your eyes have made me a prisoner of war, that Cupid has made a gar- 
 rison of my heart, and kept me to develish hard duty; and if you don't 
 relieve me, I shall be a dead man, before I come to a6f ion. 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Archy. He begins vary weel; he has got intul the heat of the 
 battle already. \^Aside. 
 
 Chart. But, Sir Callaghan, among all your symptoms of love, you have 
 forgot to mention one that I am told is very elegant, and very powerful. 
 
 Sir Call. Pray, what is that, madam ? 
 
 Chart. A song that I hear you have made, and set yourself in the true 
 Irish taste. 
 
 Sir Call. Madam, I own I have been guilty of torturing the Muses in
 
 Aci II, LOVE A LA MODE. 2*5 
 
 the shape of a song, and I hope you will pai'don my putting your lady- 
 ship's name to it. 
 
 Chad. Upon one condition I will, which is, that you will do me the 
 favour to let me hear you sing it. 
 
 Sir Call. O dear madam, don't ax me ; it is a foolish song, a mere 
 bagatelle. 
 
 Cha7i. Nay, I must insist upon hearing it, as you expecl or value the 
 smiles, or fear the frowns, of your mistress ; for by your poetry I shall 
 judge of your passion. 
 
 Sir Call. Then, madam, you shall have it, if it were ten times worse — 
 hem, hem ! — fal, lal, la ! ha ! I don't know how I shall come about the 
 right side of my voice. 
 
 SirArchy. Ay, ay, noo for it, noo yee shall hear sick a song as has nai 
 been penn'd sin the time they first clepp'd the wings and tails of the 
 wild Irish. 
 
 Sir Call. Now, madam, I tell you before hand, you must not expe6l 
 such fine singing fi'om me, as you hear at the Opera ; for, you know, 
 we Irishmen are not cutout for it, like the Italians. 
 
 SONG. 
 
 Let other men sing of their goddesses bright, 
 T'hat darken the day and enlighten the night ; 
 I si Jig of a woman — but such flesh mid blood, 
 A touch of her finger would do your heart good. 
 
 With my fal, lal, lal, &c. 
 
 ten times in each day to my charmer I come, 
 
 "To tell her my passion, but cant, Tm struck dumb ; 
 
 For Cupid he seizes my heart by surpj-ise. 
 
 And my tongue falls asleep at the sight of her eyes. 
 
 Her little dog Fompey 's my rival, I see, 
 She kisses, and hugs him, butfrcwns upon me : 
 Then prythee, dear Charlotte, abuse not your charms. 
 Instead of a lap-dog, take me to your arms. 
 
 E
 
 26 LOVE A LA MODE. AB II. 
 
 Sir Archy. Come, now the song is over, let us steal off". ^Aside. 
 
 Groom . He is a damn'd droll fellow ! — Instead of a lap-dog, take me 
 to your arms. \^Aside. 
 
 Sir Archy. Hush ! softly, donna let him see us ; steal off", steal off" — he 
 is an axcellent droll fellow ; a deevelish comical cheeld . 
 
 {JLxeunt Sir Archy, Groom, and Mordecai. 
 
 Charl. Well, Sir Callaghan, your poetry is excellent, nothing can sur- 
 pass it but your singing. 
 
 Sir Call. Look'e, madam, to come to the point : I know I can't talk 
 fine courtship, and love, and nonsense, like other men, for I don't speak 
 from my tongue, but my heart ; so that if you can take up your quarters 
 for life with a man of honour, a sincere lover, and an honest Prussian 
 soldier, now is your time, I am your man : What do you say, madam ? 
 Come, speak the word boldly, and take me to your arms. 
 
 Charl. Ha, ha, ha ! don't be so violent. Sir Callaghan — but say a lady 
 were inclined to do herself the honour of going before a priest with you, 
 I suppose you would have so much complaisance for your mistress, as to 
 quit your trade of war, and live at home with her, were she to request 
 it of you. 
 
 Sir Call. Why, look you, madam, I will deal with you like a man of 
 honour in that point too, and let you into a secret, I have received the 
 king my master's money (and a brave king he is, I assure you) for 
 above seventeen years, when I had none of my own ; and now I am come 
 to a title and fortune, and that he has need of my service, I think it 
 would look like a poltroon to leave him ; — no, madam, it is a rule with 
 me never to desert my king, or my friend in distress. 
 
 Charl. Your sentiment is great, I confess : I like your principles ; 
 they are noble, and most heroic, but a little too military for me — ha, ha, 
 ha ! [^Exit. 
 
 Sir Call. What ! does she decline the battle ? Well, then, I'll not quit 
 the field yet, tho' ; I'll reconnoitre her once more, and if I can't bring 
 her to a6fion, why then I'll break up the camp at once, ride post to 
 Germany to-morrow morning, and so take my leave in a passion, without 
 saying a word. ^Exit.
 
 Acl II. LOVE A LA MODE. 27 
 
 Enter Sir Archy, mid Mordecaj. 
 
 Moj-de. Pr'ythee, what is the meaning of all this, Sir Archy ? the house 
 seems to be in the possession of bailiffs, and Sir Theodore looks and 
 speaks as if an earthquake had just happened. 
 
 Sir Archy. Yeer conje6ture is vary reeght, Mr. Mordecai, 'tis aw over 
 wi' him — he is undone — a baggar, and so is the girl. 
 
 Morde. You astonish me. 
 
 Sir Archy. It is an unexpa6led business ; but 'tis a facl, I assure yee : 
 here he is hirasel, poor deevil, hoo dismal he leuks. 
 
 Enter Sir Theodore, and an Attorney. 
 
 Sir TJjeod. You are the Attorney concerned for the creditors, Mr. 
 Atkins ? 
 
 Attor. I am. Sir Theodore, and am extremely sorry for the accident. 
 
 Sir Theod. I am obliged to you, sir, you do but your duty : the young 
 lady is that way, sir ; if you will step to her, I'll follow you. \^Exit Attor.'} 
 I hope you will excuse me. Sir Archy — this is a sudden and unhappy 
 affair ; I am imtit for company ; I must go, and open it myself to poor 
 Charlotte. \^Exit. 
 
 Morde. But pray. Sir Archy, what has occasioned all this ? 
 
 Sir Archy. Faith, Mordecai, I do no ken the particulars — but it seems, 
 by the word of Sir Theodore himsel, that he and a rich merchant in 
 Holland, his partner, and joint guardian over this girl, are baith banlc- 
 rupts, and, as the lawyer that is withoot there confirms, have fail'd for 
 above a hundred thoosand poonds mair than they can answer. 
 
 Morde. But how is this to affeft the young lady ? 
 
 Sir Archy. Why, sir, the greatest part of her fortune was in trade, it 
 seems, with Sir Theodore and his partner ; besides, the suit in Chancery, 
 that she had wi' the company, for above forty thoosand poonds, lias been 
 determined against her this very day, so that they are aw undone. 
 Baggars! baggars! 
 
 Morde. I understood that the affair was clearly in her favour. 
 
 Sir Archy. O, sir, yee do na ken the law — the law is a sort of hocus- 
 pocus science, that smiles in yeer face, while it picks yeer pocket : and
 
 28 LOVE A LA MODE. ASl II. 
 
 the glorious uncertainty of it is of mair use to the professors than the 
 justice of it — Here the parties come, and seemingly in great affliction. 
 
 Enter Sir Theodore, and Charlotte. 
 
 Charl. Dear sir, be patient, moderate your sorrow; it may not be so 
 terrible as your apprehensions make it ; pray, bear up. 
 
 Sir Theod. For myself I care not. But that you should be involved in 
 my ruin, left fortuneless, your fair expectation of a noble alliance blasted ! 
 your dignity and affluence fallen to scorn and penury 
 
 Charl. It cannot prove so bad, sir ; I will not despair, nor shall you, — 
 fortho' the law has been so hai'd against me, yet, in spite of all its 
 wiles and treachery, a competency will still remain, which shall be 
 devoted to mitigate your misfortunes. Besides, Sir Archy Macsarcasm 
 is a man of honour, and on his promise and assistance I will rely. 
 
 Sir Archy. Wool ye! ye may as weel rely upon the assistance of the 
 Philosopher's stone ; — what the deevil, would she marry me to make me 
 tinker up the fortunes of broken ceetezens. But I will speak till them, 
 and end the affair at once. I am concerned to see yee in this 
 disorder. Sir Theodore. 
 
 Charl. O, Sir Archy, if all the vows of friendship, honour, and eternal 
 love, which you have so often made me, were not composed of idle breath, 
 and deceitful ceremony, now let their truth be seen. 
 
 Sir Archy. Madam, I am sorry to be the messenger of ill teedings, but 
 aw our conne6lion is at an end ; oor hoose hai heard of my addresses till 
 you ; and I hai had letters frai the dukes, the marquis, and aw the dig- 
 nitaries of the fameely, remonstrating, nay expressly proheebeting my 
 contaminating the blood of Macsarcasm wi' any thing sprung frai a 
 hogshead, or a counting hoose. I assure yee my passion for yee is 
 meeghty strong, madam, but I cannot bring disgrace upon an honom'able 
 family. 
 
 Charl. No more — ^}'our apology is baser than your perfidy : there is no 
 truth, no virtue in man. 
 
 Sir Archy. Guid truth, nor in woman neither that has nai fortune. 
 But here is Mordecai — now, madam — a wandering Israelite, a casualty — a 
 mere casualty, sprung frai annuities, bulls, bubbles, bears, and lottery
 
 Act II. LOVE A LA MODE. 29 
 
 tickets, and can hai nai faimily objaftions ; — he is passionately fond of yee ; 
 and till this offspring- of accident and mammon I resign my interest in ye. 
 
 Morde. Sir, I am infinitely obliged to you ; — but — a — matrimony is a 
 subje6l I have never thoroughly consider 'd, and I must take some time 
 to deliberate, before I determine upon that inextricable business. 
 Besides, madam, I assure you, my affairs are not in a matrimonial 
 situation. 
 
 Chaii. No apology, sir. Begone — I despise them and you. 
 
 Enter Squire Groom. 
 
 Groom. Haux! haux-' What's the matter here.? What is all this? 
 What, are we all at fault ? Is this true. Sir Theodore ? — I hear that you 
 and the filly have both run on the wrong side of the post. 
 
 Sir Tbeod. It is too true ; but, I hope, sir, that will make no alteration 
 in your affe6lion. 
 
 Groom. Hark ye, Sir Theodore, I always make my match according to 
 the weight my thing can carry. When I offered to take her into my 
 stable, she was sound, and in good case — but I hear her wind is touched ; 
 if so, I would not back her for a shilling. I'll take her into my stud if 
 you please. — She has a good fore hand, sets both her ends well, has "-ood 
 paces, a good deal of fashion, some blood, and will do well enough to 
 breed out of — but she cannot carry weight sufficient to come through, — 
 Matriiuony, Sir Theodore, is a cursed long course, devilish heavy, and 
 sharp turnings ; — it won't do — can't come through, my dear, can't come 
 through. 
 
 Sir Arcby. I think, squire, you judge vary neecely. Noo, in my 
 thoughts, the best thing the lady can do is to snap the Irishman. 
 
 Morde. Well observ'd. Sir Archy. 
 
 Groom. Macsarcasm has an excellent nose, and hits off" a fault as well 
 as any hound I ever follow'd . 
 
 Sir Archy. It woold be a deevelish lucky match for her. — ^The fellow 
 has a guid fortune, is a great blockhead, and looves her vehemently ; 
 three as guid qualities for a matrimonial bubble, as a lady in her cir- 
 cumstances woold wish. Snap him, snap him, madam, 
 
 Morde. Hush! he's here.
 
 30 LOVE A LA MODE. ^^ //. 
 
 Enter Sir Callaghan. 
 
 Sir Archy. Ha ! my guid freend, Sir Callaghan, I kiss yeer bond ; I 
 liai been speaking till the lady in your beholf, \vi' aw the eloquence I 
 hai ; she is enamoor'd o* yeer person, and yee are just come i' the nick to 
 receive her heart and her bond. 
 
 Sir Call. By the honour of a soldier, madam, I shall think that a 
 greater happiness than any that fortune can bestow upon me. 
 
 Sir ArcJ^. Come, come, madam, true love is impatient, and despises 
 ceremony ; gi' him yeer bond at once. 
 
 Charl. No, sir, I scorn to deceive a man who offers me his heart : tho' 
 my fortune is ruin'd, my mind is untainted ; even poverty shall not per- 
 vert it to principles of baseness. 
 
 Sir Call. Fortune ruin'd ! Pray, Sir Theodore, what does the impor- 
 tance of all this lansuag-e mean ? 
 
 SirTheod. The sad meaning is, Sir Callaghan, that, in the circuit of 
 fortune's wheel, the lady's station is reversed ; she, who some hours 
 since was on the highest round, is now degraded to the lowest : this, 
 sir, has turned the passion these gentlemen professed for her into scorn 
 and ridicule ; and I suppose will cool the fervency of yours. 
 
 Sir Call. Sir Theodore, I assiu'e you, I am heartily glad of her 
 distress. 
 
 Sir Theod. Sir ! 
 
 Sir Call. When she was computed to have a hundred thousand pounds, 
 I lov'd her, 'tis true, but it was with fear and trembling, like a man that 
 loves to be a soldier, yet is afraid of a gun ; because I look'd upon my- 
 self as an unequal match to her : — but now she is poor, and that it is in 
 my power to serve her, I find something warm about my heart here, that 
 tells me, I love her better than when she was rich, and makes me beg 
 she will take my life this instant, and all I have, into her service. 
 
 Sir Theod. Generous indeed, Sir Callaghan. 
 
 Sir Call. Madam, my fortune is not much, but it is enough to main- 
 tain a couple of honest hearts, and have something to spare for the 
 necessities of a friend ; which is all we want, and all that fortune is 
 good for.
 
 A5i II. . LOVE A LA MODE, 31 
 
 Sir Tbeod. Here, take her, sir ; she is yours ; and, what you first 
 thought her, mistress ot" a noble fortune. 
 
 Groom. What! 
 
 Morde. How's this ! \^Jside. 
 
 SirArchy. Gently! hush! saftly! he is ainly taking him in — he is 
 taking him in — the bubble's bit. 
 
 Sir Tljeod. And had she millions, your principles deserve her ; — she 
 has a heart, loving and generous as your own, which your manly virtue 
 has subdued, and temper 'd to your warmest wishes. 
 
 Sir Call. Pray, Sir Theodore, what does all this mean ? Are you in jest, 
 or in earnest? By my honour, I don't know how to believe one word 
 you say. First, she has a fortune, then she has no fortune — and then 
 she has a great fortune again! this is just what the little jackanapes 
 about town call humbugging a man. 
 
 Sir Tbeod. Sir, I am serious. 
 
 Sir Call. And pray, what ai"e you, madam ? Are you in serious too, or 
 in joke ? 
 
 Charl. Such as I am, sir, if you dare venture upon me for life, I am 
 yours. 
 
 Sir Call. By the integrity of my honour, madam, I will venture upon 
 you not only for life, but for death too ; which is a great deal longer 
 than life, you know. 
 
 Sir Tbeod . I hope, nephew, you will excuse the deceit of my feign'd 
 bankruptcy, and the pretended ruin of the lady's fortune ; it was a 
 scheme devis'd to dete6l the illiberal, selfish views of prodigals, who 
 never address the fair but as the mercenary lure attra61:s — a scheme to 
 try and reward your passion, which hath shewn itself proof against the 
 times' infe6tion. 
 
 Sir Call. Faith then, it was no bad piece of generalship in you. But 
 now she has surrendered herself prisoner of war, I think I have a right 
 to lay her under contribution — for your kisses are lawful plunder, and 
 mine by the laws of love. 
 
 Charl. O, Sir Callaghan, you take away my breath. 
 
 Sir Call. O you are a clever little creature. Upon my honour, her 
 breath is as sweet as the sound of a trumpet.
 
 32 LOVE A LA MODE. A£i II. 
 
 Groom. Why, the knowing ones are all taken in here — double dis- 
 tanc'd ; zounds ! she has run a crimp upon us. 
 
 Morde. She has jilted us confoundedly. 
 
 Sir Archy. By the cross of St. Andrew I'll be reveng'd ; for I ken a 
 lad of an honourable fameely, that understands the auntient classicks in 
 aw their perfaftion, he is writing a comedy, and he shall insinuate baith 
 their chara(5lers intill it. 
 
 Morde. And I will write a satire upon her, in which she shall have an 
 intrigue with a life guard man, and an opera singer. 
 
 Groom. I can't write; but I tell you what I'll do, I'll poison her parrot, 
 and cut off her squirrel's tail, damn me. 
 
 Sir Call. Hark ye, gentlemen, I hope you will ax my lave for all 
 this — if you touch a hair of the parrot's head, or a hair of any thing 
 that belongs to this lady ; or, if 3-011 write any of your nonsensical 
 comedies, or lampoons, I shall be after making bold to make a few re- 
 marks on your bodies ; — hah ! I have an excellent pen by my side, that 
 is a very good critic, and that can write a very legible hand upon imper- 
 tinent authors. 
 
 Sir Archy. Hut awaw, hut awaw. Sir Callaghan, donna talk in that 
 idle mainer, sir — oor swords are as sharp and as responsible as the swords 
 of other men. But this is nai time for sic maiters ; yee hai got the lady, 
 and we hai got the wullows. — I am sorry for the little Girgishite here, 
 because he hais bespoke his nuptial chariot, and aw his leeveries ; — and, 
 upon honour, I am sorry for my vary guid friend the squeere — the lady's 
 fortune would have been very convenient till him, for, I fancy, he is fet- 
 lock deep in the turf ; — and, upon honour, I am sorry for the lady, for 
 she has miss'd being match'd intill the house of Macsarcasm — which is 
 the greatest loss of aw. 
 
 Sir Call. The whole business together is something like the catastro- 
 phe of a stage play ; where knaves and fools are disappointed, and 
 honest men rewarded. [^Exeunt omnes. 
 
 FINIS.
 
 LIST OF THE ENGLISH CLASSICS PUBLISHED BY J. BELL. 
 
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