Ex Libris 
 C. K. OGDEN 
 
 
 %&*
 

 
 MATERNAL COUNSELS 
 a 
 
 DESIGNED 
 
 TO AID HER IN THE CARE OF HER HEALTH, 
 
 THE IMPROVEMENT OP HER MIND, 
 AND THE CULTIVATION OF HER HEART. 
 
 BY 
 
 MRS. PULLAN, 
 
 ATTTHOB OF "TDK LADY'S LIBBAKY," "THE COUET TABTIAL," 
 
 " PRACTICAL GEAMMAR," ETC. ; 
 EDITOK OP THB TfOBK TABLE OF ALL TUB LEADING PEKIODIC.VI S. 
 
 " Tlie destinies of our race depend more on its future mothers than 
 on anything else." REV. T. BINNEY. 
 
 CEUttion. 
 
 LONDON : 
 DAKTON AND CO., HOLBORN HILL 
 
 1858.
 
 LONDON s 
 
 WILLIAM STEVBNS, PBINTEB., 87, BELL YARD, 
 TEMPLE BAB.
 
 TO 
 
 THE MEMOET OP 
 
 THE MISSES THACKEAT, 
 
 OP 
 PROSPECT HOUSE, KNARESBROUGH, 
 
 THE MATERNAL GUABDIANS OF MY INFANCY, 
 THE WISE AND FAITHFUL COUNSELLORS OF BIPEE YEAES, 
 
 2Tf)ts Utttle Uolume is Silitcatei, 
 
 BY THEIE GBATEFFL AND AFFECTIONATE PUPIL, 
 
 THE AUTHOR. 
 
 " She, being dead, yet speaketh." 
 
 1117002
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTEE I. PA. 
 
 LIFE AND ITS OBJECTS .... 1 
 
 CHAPTEE II. 
 
 THE IMPEOVEMENT OF TIME . . 13 
 
 CHAPTEE III. 
 
 BEADING AND WEITING . . . .37 
 
 CHAPTEE IV. 
 
 ACCOMPLISHMENTS . '. 72 
 
 CHAPTEE V. 
 
 CHAEITT . .' . . . .84 
 
 CHAPTEE VI. 
 
 THE HEALTH .... 96 
 
 CHAPTEE VII. 
 
 THE SICK BOOM ..... 114 
 
 CHAPTEE VIII. 
 
 136 
 
 a2
 
 VI CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTEE IX. 
 
 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD 
 
 154 
 
 CBAPTEE X. 
 
 MOEAL HONESTT .... 173 
 
 CHAPTEE XI. 
 
 FAMILY AND FBIENDS .... 192 
 
 CHAPTEE XH. 
 
 FEMININE FOIBLES .... 212 
 
 CHAPTEE XIII. 
 
 DEPENDENCE OB INDEPENDENCE? . . 222 
 
 CHAPTEE XIV. 
 
 HINTS TO QOVEBNESSES. HOW TO OBTAIN A 
 
 SITUATION . . . . 242 
 
 CHAPTEE XV. 
 
 GOVEBNESSES. HOW TO KEEP A SITUATION . 202 
 
 CHAPTEE XVL 
 
 THE AET OF TEACHING . . . 276 
 
 CHAPTEE XVII. 
 
 TO MOTHEB3 . . . . . 286 
 
 I/ENVOI . . 303
 
 INTKODUCTION. 
 
 READER ! Did you ever witness the launch of 
 one of those gallant vessels which form the bul- 
 warks of our country ? You may have admired 
 the gracefulness of her fair proportions, her noble 
 form, combining so much strength with such 
 perfect beauty, the construction which enables 
 her to become the home of hundreds for months 
 together, the provision made for the comfort 
 and safety of her crew ! You may have won- 
 dered at her grandeur and her strength, and 
 thought that surely she would ride in safety 
 through the roughest sea, and return unscathed 
 from the perils of the longest voyage ! 
 
 But alas ! a spark from a tiny lucifer may 
 kindle flames which no human power can ex- 
 tinguish ! A small leak may spring, and ere 
 her crew can find safety she may fill, and dis-
 
 Vlll INTRODUCTION. 
 
 appear beneath the waste of waters ! Or she 
 
 
 
 may, without being utterly destroyed, suffer 
 such damage during even her first voyage that 
 she may return utterly disabled into harbour, 
 and serve henceforth no better purpose than to 
 become firewood. 
 
 Is it possible to witness a launch without some 
 such speculations and misgivings as these to 
 avoid thinking of the perils the ship must en- 
 counter from the rocks and shoals beneath her, 
 the thunders of the heavens above, from foes 
 without, and, perchance, mutiny within her bul- 
 warks ? Can we, among all the works of man, 
 find a fitter emblem of human life itself, and 
 especially of the career of a young girl launched 
 for the first time into the ocean of life ? Up to 
 that moment she has hardly had an existence of 
 her own her least action, and her most impor- 
 tant one, have been alike dictated by others: now 
 she claims the privileges of womanhood she has 
 become her own mistress ; she is fairly launched 
 in her career. And how bright looks the ocean 
 through which her course is to be steered ! How
 
 INTRODUCTION. IX 
 
 light her heart, how gay her thoughts as she 
 prepares for her experimental trip : 
 
 " And long with eye and heart as glad, 
 
 And brow as cloudless may she gaze, 
 Nor mark how Vice, like Virtue clad, 
 
 Walks Empress of the giddy maze ! 
 How high a pitch bold Cunning tries, 
 
 And grasps pale Merit's plunder'd meed ! 
 How low the head of Genius lies 
 
 How long Affection's wounds may bleed ! 
 How Avarice, for her idol, gold, 
 
 Will all the Life of life destroy ; 
 How Envy sickens to behold 
 
 Another's peace, or hope, or joy. 
 
 ***** 
 May she the Heaven-sent gift receive, 
 
 Life's dangerous balance to adjust ! 
 Not all that glitters, to believe ! 
 
 Nor all that darkens, to distrust !" 
 
 True, her impulses are doubtless good; her 
 intentions are upright but with her intellect 
 still immatured her mind undeveloped, her 
 principles far from denned or settled, how shall 
 she escape the dangers that surround her? 
 
 Not less numerous, nor less deadly, are the 
 perils which encompass her than those which 
 environ her prototype.
 
 X INTRODUCTION. 
 
 Her very virtues may degenerate into weak- 
 ness; her noblest and purest impulses, unre- 
 strained by principle, may lead her into misery. 
 Happily for her she has a Guide more unerring 
 than ships' compasses a Guide arid Guard that, 
 duly consulted, will enable her to make the voy- 
 age of life in safety. 
 
 But, as the experienced mariner would feel 
 i nclined to give the benefit of his experience and 
 advice to the young captain starting on his first 
 voyage in command, so I have ventured to im- 
 part to the youthful of my own sex some know- 
 ledge of the rocks on which they are most likely 
 to founder the dangers to which they will most 
 certainly be exposed. 
 
 The contents of this work may appear to be 
 miscellaneous, and some subjects trivial, which 
 I treat as important; but we have only to ex- 
 amine the life of one human being to see how 
 much of his happiness or misery has resulted 
 from things apparently unimportant. Trifles 
 are, with many, the sum of human things. 
 
 To those subjects which claim the attention
 
 INTRODUCTION. xi 
 
 of every young gentlewoman I have added 
 chapters, especially addressed to such as are 
 under the necessity of earning their own living 
 how numerous is this class we all know, and 
 few of us but have seen, even in our own imme- 
 diate circle, instances of the mutability of for- 
 tune. When reverses come to such as have been 
 nursed in the lap of luxury, they are doubly 
 trying ; but whatever the difficulties with which 
 we may be surrounded, the counsels of a friend, 
 of one who has passed through the same scenes, 
 and experienced the same dangers, can hardly 
 fail to be acceptable. My counsels, such as 
 they are, are the result of experience, and not 
 of speculation ; a fact which may be allowed to 
 give them some value in the eyes of those to 
 whom they are addressed. 
 
 For adding yet another to the many works 
 addressed to young ladies, I have but one apo- 
 logy to offer. It has always appeared to me 
 that the girls of the present day have too much 
 sentiment, too much fanciful refinement for their 
 own peace. I have thought that their every-
 
 Xll INTRODUCTION. 
 
 day life would be infinitely happier, and the 
 character of English women be very greatly im- 
 proved if they possessed a little of the common 
 sense which distinguishes the character of Eng- 
 lish men. Those on whose judgment and know- 
 ledge of the world I could entirely rely have 
 approved of my views, and urged me to develope 
 them in print, i'o be of the slightest service to 
 my young countrywomen is an honour, to at- 
 tain which any toil would be light. Such as 
 my views are, therefore, I give them to the 
 world; and should their adoption increase the 
 happiness of but one domestic circle, my labour 
 will be abundantly rewarded. 
 
 LONDON, November, 1854.
 
 [atari (farads is a 3B write. 
 
 CHAP. I. 
 
 LIFE AND ITS OBJECTS. 
 
 " Well," said Godfrey, " I could tell you, and I could tell 
 Rosamond something." 
 
 " Pray tell me, brother ; you must," said Rosamond. 
 
 " Then, if I must, I will tell you that there is nobody living, 
 not even yourself, my dear Laura, who has higher expectations 
 of Rosamond's sense and goodness than I have ; though I 
 agree, I own, with old Lady Morral, that Miss Rosamond's 
 education has been going on a great while, and that it begins 
 to be time to think of finishing it. The day after we go home, 
 she will arrive with her old question, ' Ma'am, when will Miss 
 Rosamond's education be finished ?'" 
 
 " And you, I hope, will answer," said Rosamond, ' Never, 
 while she lives!'" Miss EDGEWOBTH. 
 
 IN the little extract which I have given above 
 from the works of that eminent writer on edu- 
 cation, Miss Edgeworth, is to be found the whole 
 essence of the spirit in which a young lady 
 should think of herself on her leaving school, 
 
 B
 
 A LIFE AND ITS OBJECTS. 
 
 She is indeed relieved from the strict guardian- 
 ship of her instructors ; she is no longer obliged 
 to devote each hour to some given pursuit, ac- 
 cording to their wishes ; she is, to a certain 
 degree, a free agent. But, in leaving one 
 school, she has but entered another, where her 
 faults and foibles will be judged with infinitely 
 more severity, and where she herself, instead of 
 her teachers, will be responsible for whatever 
 errors she may commit. In truth, the world is 
 a school in which we are daily learning some- 
 thing and making some progress, either in good 
 or in evil. It is too common for a young girl 
 on leaving school to think that she has then 
 completed her education, and that nothing more 
 is required of her; that henceforth she may 
 occupy or waste her time as she pleases ; and 
 that, in fact as well as in theory, she is her own 
 mistress. 
 
 But a little serious thought and investigation 
 will show us the fallacy of this idea. What is 
 the probable destiny of a young girl ? and how 
 far does her school education fit her for that 
 destiny? Let her ask herself these questions,
 
 LIFE AND ITS OBJECTS. 3 
 
 and she will soon feel that very much indeed 
 remains in her own hands. 
 
 To become in course of time a wife and a 
 mother, is, we may fairly assume, the ambition 
 and expectation of every young woman. Whe- 
 ther this wish is destined to be realised or not ; 
 or whether its fulfilment is certain to render her 
 happy ; are questions which I do not at present 
 intend to touch upon. But, inasmuch as this is 
 at once the wish of all and the actual destiny of 
 many, it is as well to ask ourselves what part of 
 the education received in the schoolroom is cal- 
 culated to fit us for the duties which the position 
 of wife and mother entails. 
 
 Giving to accomplishments the precedence 
 which they obtain in education, we will just 
 ask of what use the amount acquired before 
 leaving school is, to the woman at the head of a 
 family. Really, to witness the indifference 
 which girls exhibit about keeping up or increas- 
 ing their knowledge of languages, music, draw- 
 ing, &c., we should be justified in coming to the 
 conclusion that they had no other object in 
 studying them at school than to be able to say,
 
 4 LIFE AND ITS OBJECTS. 
 
 " I have learnt French/' or " taught 
 
 me the piano," and that it was to obtain this 
 valuable result their parents had expended so 
 much money, and perhaps submitted to many 
 personal sacrifices. For the sake of playing in 
 company, indeed, or to wile away an idle hour, 
 a young lady will perhaps continue to practise 
 on the piano, or she may even occasionally draw 
 a landscape or paint a group of flowers ; but 
 these occupations are no longer regarded as 
 duties, and by the time her knowledge would be 
 valuable to her, to enable her to direct the edu- 
 cation of her children or to amuse her husband, 
 she has got so ' ' out of practice " that she might 
 as well never have learnt at all. Let her parents 
 take her to France and Italy too, a year or so 
 after she has left the schoolroom, and although 
 her governess may have assured them that no- 
 thing but French was ever spoken, and that in 
 Italian also she had the true " parola Toscana, 
 bocca Romana," yet it is a chance if they find 
 her able to hold the simplest conversation with 
 a native of either country, even if she can accu- 
 rately give any order.
 
 LIFE AND ITS OBJECTS. 5 
 
 In geography, history, science, it is the same 
 thing. In the course of a year or two she has 
 forgotten nearly all she ever knew, and as far as 
 any practical benefit to be derived from accom- 
 plishments, might as well never have been at 
 school at all. 
 
 All this arises from the first error of suppos- 
 ing that her education is completed when she 
 leaves school, when in fact it is but just com- 
 mencing. 
 
 The object of the years passed in the school- 
 room, of the studies pursued, and the discipline 
 enforced, is not merely to pass those years with- 
 out injury to ourselves or others, but to fit us 
 to take the reins of government into our own 
 hands, to teach, to improve, and to discipline 
 ourselves. 
 
 When her studies come to be regarded in 
 this light, and a girl on leaving the schoolroom 
 sets herself seriously to consider what are her 
 duties in her new position, and in what way she 
 can put to the best account the acquirements of 
 previous years, we may hope to see a race of 
 women fitted for their destiny in life, regarding 
 
 B2
 
 6 LIFE AND ITS OBJECTS. 
 
 every succeeding day and every talent as a trust 
 committed to them for which they must give an 
 account. 
 
 For it is not the ignorance of this or that 
 branch of learning or language or art which 
 constitutes the evil ; it is the wasted time, the 
 neglect of talent and opportunity. Nothing 
 indeed should be begun without an aim ; but, 
 being begun, it should be steadily pursued as 
 one of the regular duties of life. Each day a 
 given period should be devoted to each study 
 which has hitherto occupied you, so that at least 
 you may retain all you have acquired at 
 school, and make some progress towards further 
 improvement. How most efficiently to pursue 
 your studies by yourself will be the subject of 
 future chapters; meantime, permit me to say 
 something more of " life and its objects." 
 
 The cultivation of a woman's head is some- 
 thing, the development of her heart is infi- 
 nitely more important. She may dispense with 
 every accomplishment in the education of her 
 children, for she may find masters and teachers 
 to impart them ; but what can compensate for a
 
 LIFE AND ITS OBJECTS. 7 
 
 temper unregulated, for a proud, revengeful 
 spirit, for habits of sloth and untidiness, for 
 rude or coarse manners, or a harsh and bitter 
 tongue. And next to these in importance is a 
 deficiency in household economy, in a knowledge 
 of how to make home " the happiest place on 
 earth " to her family. We smile at the ignor- 
 ance of Dickens' " Dora," but how many young 
 ladies marry with as little domestic knowledge, 
 and perhaps also without that abundant stock 
 of love on both sides, which would enable the 
 husband to overlook his wife's blunders, and the 
 wife to endeavour to correct them. 
 
 It may sound very refined to say, " Oh really 
 I know nothing of household economy ;" but be 
 sure that the woman who is so ignorant has 
 neglected one of the great duties of life. 
 
 " To study household good, 
 And good works in her husband to promote, 
 Is woman's highest honour and her praise." 
 
 To cultivate the heart, the head, and the 
 mind, is then the duty of every girl on leaving 
 school. There is another thing I would sug- 
 gest, and that is, to endeavour to form the cha-
 
 8 LIFE AND ITS OBJECTS. 
 
 racter. " Most women/' it is said, " have no 
 character at all," and the remark is true enough ; 
 for they are so apt, chameleon-like, to take the 
 hue of whatever they are approximated to, that 
 they really have no characteristic which marks 
 them as individuals. And yet, as the life of 
 woman is not always one of pleasure, as she is 
 called on both to do, and to bear the evils of life, 
 to toil for those dear to her, to nurse them 
 in the hour of sickness and of death, to go 
 through physical sufferings that would terrify 
 the stoutest-hearted man, and endure trials be- 
 fore which he would shrink appalled, is it not 
 needful she should have some principle of 
 action, some sustaining power, some watchword 
 to her own heart? Our great families have 
 their motto ; our sovereign can appeal to " God 
 and my right ;" why should not we too adopt 
 and act out some such device? What encou- 
 ragement there is in Essayez ; what a support in 
 doubt and difficulty in " Je fais mon devoir ;" 
 what consolation and nerve we might find in 
 " Crescit sub pondere virtus ;" and could the 
 most loving and anxious mother desire for her
 
 LIFE AND ITS OBJECTS. 9 
 
 child a motto more suggestive than " Fais ce que 
 tu dois. advienne que pourra." Let us suppose 
 the adoption of such a device, and how simple a 
 solution it would offer to every difficulty or 
 temptation. Shall I do this ? Will it be ad- 
 vantageous ? " Do what is right, come what 
 come may." Who can calculate the influence 
 on the life and destiny of a woman from some 
 such phrase ever weighing on the mind ! 
 
 I will give an illustration. Over the Weir 
 at Sunderland there is a cast-iron bridge, bear- 
 ing the motto, ' ' Nil desperandum auspice Deo." 
 A young girl walked over that bridge, 'and heard 
 how the offer to place it there had been treated 
 as an act of madness by the wiseacres of the 
 town. Nevertheless, there was the noble bridge, 
 spanning the broad river with its single arch, a 
 standing monument that we need despair of 
 nothing with God's favour. " Nil desperandum," 
 she repeated to herself, as she returned home; 
 " Nil desperandum shall be my motto " for I 
 should tell you that her life had been one of 
 trial and vicissitude, and that difficulties of all 
 sorts surrounded her path. For years of that
 
 10 LIFE AND ITS OBJECTS. 
 
 girl's life she was surrounded by trouble, and 
 amongst them were some of the greatest that 
 can fall to the lot of woman. Many a time 
 would she have given up the struggle between 
 her and Fate ; but still her eye would fall upon 
 the seal which bore her motto, and in the 
 darkest hour she was reminded, "Never de- 
 spair." And years rolled on, and the firm faith 
 and unremitting toil began to be crowned with 
 success. She who had lost all that could make 
 life dear was once again surrounded by smiling, 
 loving faces, and the beauties and joys of home. 
 There are some that are taught by fear, and 
 some by love and gratitude. Perhaps she was 
 of the latter number, for as her motto was still 
 before her eyes, and she thought still more of 
 the bridge at Sunderland, she began to consider 
 how little she had deserved the blessings that 
 had fallen to her lot ; and still daily, more and 
 more, she felt that Divine protection which had 
 caused her "never to despair." "If I have 
 succeeded it has been by God's blessing," be- 
 came the one prominent thought of her heart, 
 and her motto, no longer the barren "Nil
 
 LIFE AND ITS OBJECTS, 11 
 
 desperandum," now could not fail to remind 
 her still to seek that blessing, without which, 
 though long unthought of, she must years ago 
 have sunk beneath her troubles. And Life is 
 still before her, and none know what events it 
 may bear upon its wings ; but perhaps there is 
 not one servant, or dependent, or friend, who 
 does not feel, in all the transactions in which 
 they come in contact, something of the same 
 inspiriting motto which influences her own life. 
 A happy day it was for her and for others 
 when first she adopted the device 
 
 " Nil desperandum auspice Deo." 
 
 And it should be the aim of every one in life 
 to do all the good possible, with as little evil 
 as may be. To all of us a certain influence is 
 given, great or small, according to our position : 
 to use that influence for good ; to increase the 
 happiness of others ; to lighten the burden of 
 the sorrowful; to sympathise in the joy of the 
 happy ; to live, in fact, for others, is the surest 
 means of acquiring happiness ourselves. But
 
 12 LIFE AND ITS OBJECTS. 
 
 to do this we must discipline alike the head, 
 the heart, and the mind, so that whatever our 
 destiny, we may be found equal to it, and may 
 be at once able and willing to " do our duty in 
 that state of life to which it shall please God 
 to call us."
 
 13 
 
 CHAP. II. 
 
 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 
 
 " I asked an aged man, a man of cares, 
 
 Wrinkled, and curved, and white with hoary hairs ; 
 
 ' TIME is the warp of life,' he said. ' Oh, tell 
 
 The young, the gay, the fair, to weave it well.' 
 
 I asked the ancient, venerable dead, 
 
 Sages who wrote, and warriors who bled ; 
 
 From the cold grave a hollow murmur flowed : 
 
 ' Time sowed the seeds we reap in this abode.' 
 
 I asked a dying sinner, ere the tide 
 
 Of life had left his veins ; ' TIME,' he replied, 
 
 ' I've lost it ! Ah, the treasure ! ' and he died. 
 
 I asked the golden sun and silver spheres, 
 
 Those bright chronometers of days and years. 
 
 They answered, ' Time is but a meteor's glare,' 
 
 And bade us for Eternity prepare. 
 
 I asked the Seasons in their annual round, 
 
 That beautify or desolate the ground ; 
 
 And they replied (no oracle more wise), 
 
 ' 'Tis Folly's blank, but Wisdom's highest prize.' " 
 
 WHATEVER, our position in the world, how 
 poor or how exalted soever our parents, we 
 are every one of us endowed with one rich 
 inheritance on our entrance into life, of which 
 
 c
 
 14 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 
 
 no human being is able to deprive us. This 
 gift, conferred on us by a beneficent Creator, 
 for the happiness of others and for our own, is 
 called " TIME." On ourselves it depends whe- 
 ther its possession be a source of happiness or 
 of misery. True, to use it wisely, is to insure 
 a large amount of all the best blessings of life ; 
 while to squander our rich patrimony is to court 
 misery in this world, and to wholly unfit us for 
 another. 
 
 "We cannot overrate the value of Time, any 
 more than we can compel its stay with us. Each 
 night a certain amount of our whole allotted 
 quantity has been withdrawn, and so much less 
 is left for us to employ. How much may yet 
 remain to us is uncertain ; it is a problem no 
 mortal can solve. Whether half a century or 
 but half a minute remains to us we cannot tell. 
 All that we do know is that the present moment 
 is our own ; our own, so far, that we have indeed 
 the power to use or to abuse it as we please ; 
 but not our own, in that it is a loan, of which 
 we must give a strict account to the lender. 
 All that is certain about it is its utter uncer-
 
 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 15 
 
 tainty ! All that we know is, that we know 
 nothing ! 
 
 What a marvellous thing is TIME ! A friend 
 or an enemy a blessing or a curse, according 
 to our own appreciation of it. Uninfluenced by 
 our wishes it marches onward, and we seek in 
 vain to retard or to accelerate its footsteps. 
 Nay, so strange are its ways, that whilst it ap- 
 pears to fly from those who would seek to 
 lengthen its stay, it steals along with feet of 
 lead from those who would fain give it wings. 
 
 Amidst all this uncertainty, however, one fact 
 is indisputable it is this, that for us, ere long, 
 " TIME shall be no more ;" that neither love, 
 nor wealth, nor learning, nor any other thing 
 that we either have or are, can restore to us 
 one single moment which we have wasted, or 
 lengthen our years when the hour of death has 
 come. 
 
 How, then, shall we best use the fleeting 
 hours ? how improve to the greatest advantage 
 the gift of Time ? To the young especially this 
 should be a matter for serious deliberation, since 
 all they can hope to have or to be depends on
 
 16 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 
 
 their improvement of time during the days of 
 their youth. Indeed, its use or its neglect con- 
 stitutes the difference between the happy and 
 the unhappy, the successful and the unsuccessful, 
 man or woman. From the girl who habitually 
 wastes time, it is impossible to hope any good ; 
 for whatever her intellect or talents may be, 
 unless her time is spent in improving them, she 
 cannot attain to excellence. If she can dispense 
 with personal exertion, as a matter of necessity, 
 she still is a weariness to herself and to every one 
 belonging to her. And if her circumstances be 
 limited, and it be a duty for her to labour to 
 save, if not to earn, it becomes still more 
 serious ; for if, in all instances it be true that 
 " Idleness is the root of all evil," it is so most 
 especially in the case of WOMAN. The love of 
 ease, the want of the power and the habit of 
 exerting herself, is the besetting sin which leads 
 a woman into a thousand temptations. To her, 
 it is, emphatically, the root of all evil. 
 
 Be sure, too, that she who habitually wastes 
 time, the most precious thing she possesses, 
 will not be economical of anything else ; whilst
 
 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 17 
 
 there never yet was found a person who sys- 
 tematically employed every hour of his days 
 who did not ultimately succeed in any path of 
 life he might have entered. 
 
 This value of time has been indeed a promi- 
 nent characteristic of all our most eminent men 
 and women. Sir Walter Scott, who used to 
 write for hours before any of the rest of the 
 family had risen, although not (as he himself 
 said) without any one being the wiser ; the Duke 
 of Wellington, whose correspondence alone 
 would have terrified half a dozen professed 
 clerks; Elizabeth Smith, whose wonderful at- 
 tainments never impeded the due performance 
 of every domestic duty; Hannah More, Miss 
 Edgeworth, and very many others might be 
 cited, as instances of the possibility of perform- 
 ing a vast amount of labour without becoming 
 a recluse, or neglecting any of the social duties 
 of life, simply by using every minute for some 
 purpose of business or pleasure. 
 
 If we have made up our minds to improve 
 our own time to the utmost, the first thing to 
 consider is, " What we have to do ?" and then,
 
 18 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 
 
 " When to do it ? " Every day of our lives we 
 have some duties to perform to our Creator, 
 our fellow-creatures, and ourselves. Happily, 
 these various duties are so united and inter- 
 woven, that even in performing any one with 
 heart and soul, we are also performing the others. 
 We rise in the morning, and surely we have 
 some cause to thank our Maker if the night, so 
 fraught with sorrow and suffering to many, has 
 been passed by us in peace and safety ; if ano- 
 ther day is added to our lives; if our dear 
 friends and relatives still surround us. With 
 such thoughts in our hearts, we cannot but hum- 
 bly and heartily thank God for these benefits and 
 all others, and implore a continuance of them. 
 These should be the first actions of the day. 
 Then, if we have seen in our previous life errors 
 which we would fain correct, if in the future we 
 foresee difficulties to be overcome in which we 
 need the counsel of one wiser than ourselves, 
 where shall we find a solution of all doubts, 
 counsel infinitely wise in all circumstances, save 
 in the book which has been given us to be "a 
 light to our feet and a lamp to our path." With
 
 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 19 
 
 this view, we shall read a portion of the Bible 
 every morning, not as a mere task, but that we 
 may really find warning, counsel, and instruction 
 in its pages. This will give us a sort of practi- 
 cal interest in what we read. Besides, it is singu- 
 lar how often, even in reading a certain portion 
 regularly through, we find some verse peculiarly 
 adapted to dispel some doubt, or direct in some 
 difficulty at that moment weighing upon us. 
 It is an excellent plan, and one recommended 
 by the advice and practice of many admirable 
 persons, to select a single verse in the morning 
 as a sort of motto for the day, and to endeavour 
 to carry out in every action of that day's life 
 the precept it may contain. No one who has 
 not faithfully tried this plan can appreciate the 
 influences it has on the conduct. For instance, 
 a young girl may read in the morning, " What- 
 soever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy 
 might." She resolves as far as possible to act 
 on this command. Her mamma, after break- 
 fast, expresses a wish that she should undertake 
 some duty not perhaps very agreeable to herself 
 She feels inclined to substitute a pleasanter
 
 20 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 
 
 occupation ; but she recals her motto, " What- 
 soever thy hand findeth to do, do it," and she is 
 encouraged to persevere. By-and-by, perhaps, 
 she finds herself falling into a fit of idleness, a 
 musing on she knows not what, without aim or 
 object; and she is beginning to relax in her 
 exertions, when again she checks herself by 
 thinking, " Well ! this is not doing with my 
 might." 
 
 We might picture to ourselves the good effect 
 of many similar texts, such as "A soft answer 
 turneth away wrath ;" and we might see how 
 its adoption by one member of the family group 
 would tend to the happiness of all ; but we all 
 can supply, from our own memory, instances of 
 misery resulting from the want of "the soft 
 answer." I have given a hint for you to carry 
 out, assured that you will find it one great 
 means of self-improvement. For do not ima- 
 gine that the strict following out of the text for 
 that one day will be wholly without its effect 
 in your after life. A tendency to indolence 
 once subdued, a hasty answer suppressed, a 
 temptation overcome, will make the next trial
 
 THE IMPROVEMENT OP TIME. 21 
 
 far less painful. Ce n'est que le premier pas qui 
 coute, either in good or evil. 
 
 Whilst dressing in the morning, it will be 
 wise to consider what your duties and occupa- 
 tions for the day will be ; in what manner you 
 can assist your mother in her domestic affairs, 
 if such comes within your province ; what de- 
 mands there are upon your time, for busi- 
 ness, improvement, or pleasure. The education 
 your parents have given you has cost them 
 much money, and perhaps they have made 
 many sacrifices to afford you the advantages 
 you have had : it is your duty to improve these 
 advantages to the utmost, and a portion of 
 every day ought to be sacredly devoted to keep- 
 ing up your knowledge of languages and other 
 accomplishments commenced in the schoolroom. 
 Your family duties, of whatever kind, should 
 claim another; needlework, exercise, society, 
 charity, all these will probably form some part 
 of your day's duties; and whatever they may 
 be, each should, as far as possible, have its own 
 particular hour. Of course, the juniors of a 
 family neither can nor ought to dictate hours in
 
 22 THE IMPROVEMENT OP TIME. 
 
 any way. It is for them to take care they are 
 not the cause of the household regulations being 
 infringed ; and by a very little careful manage- 
 ment and forethought, they may maintain a 
 certain exactitude themselves. Supposing, for 
 example's sake, that the breakfast hour is not 
 absolutely certain : that one of the principal 
 members of the family is occasionally a quarter 
 or half an hour late. How easy for the young 
 ladies to have some small neat piece of work 
 about, not easily spoiled by being kept in hand, 
 to take up at the appointed breakfast hour, and 
 put in their work-bags when the meal com- 
 mences. Indeed, there are so many occasions 
 when we are compelled to wait for some thing 
 or person, that it is always wise to have some 
 piece of work ready to take up at a moment's 
 notice. None but those who have tried it can 
 imagine how much may be done in this way. 
 
 But this, of course, is but the filling up of 
 odd moments : the hours should be regularly 
 portioned out for the more serious occupations. 
 It will be found a golden rule to devote large 
 portions of time to long works, and keep the
 
 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME 23 
 
 smaller spaces for that which can be performed 
 in them. Now the reverse of this is the rule 
 usually adopted by those who have not made it 
 a study to put their time to the best use. A 
 long rainy day comes; it is impossible to go 
 out, and indoor exercise is not dreamed of (more 
 of that by- and -by) ; so it is thought a piece of 
 wise economy to devote the long morning to a 
 " multitude of odd jobs/' of which one, two, or 
 three might have easily been completed in the 
 odd half hours of ordinary days. So the time 
 passes, and there is absolutely nothing to show 
 for it : had it been steadily occupied in some one 
 more important undertaking, there would, on 
 the contrary, have been a visible progress made 
 and the habit of close and lengthened attention 
 would have been strengthened. 
 
 If it were a question of money instead of 
 time, we should see the folly of the popular 
 practice at once. The man who, having to pay 
 one bill of 60, and a multitude of small items, 
 should change his fifty-pound note to pay the 
 trifles, and settle the large bill in small coin, 
 would very justly be thought to have taken leave
 
 24 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 
 
 of his senses; nor would the excuse that the 
 fifty would not entirely pay the bill, be held a 
 sufficient reason for his folly. Yet this is prac- 
 tically what nine out of ten do with what is 
 infinitely more valuable than money, with time 
 itself: the folly is to the full as great, but we do 
 not think of it in that light. However, she who 
 desires to make the most of her time will ap- 
 propriate it on the same principle as she would 
 her cash; she will keep long periods for the 
 tedious or serious labours of life, and fill up 
 with the lighter matters all the spare minutes 
 or quarters of an hour. 
 
 In this way, too, many valuable works may 
 be read, and progress made in many branches of 
 study, during intervals which many young peo- 
 ple utterly waste. We have only to ask our- 
 selves at the end of a day, " What have I done 
 since I rose this morning?" and to put down 
 the time for which we can account, to find out 
 how many hours of each day are entirely lost. 
 It is an excellent check upon ourselves, to put 
 down in the morning before leaving our bed- 
 room what we intend to do during the day ; and
 
 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 25 
 
 to examine the same list at night, to ascertain 
 how far we have realised our wishes. Some 
 interruptions, doubtless, have been unavoidable ; 
 but how much have we left unaccomplished, 
 because this five minutes and that half hour 
 have been idled away in doing nothing. 
 
 In forming the programme for the day's pro- 
 ceedings, however, two faults should be guarded 
 against. To set ourselves, as a task, much more 
 than we can possibly do, would be certain to 
 end by our feeling disgusted at our own short- 
 comings; and perhaps the bravest spirit that 
 ever beat in woman's breast would in time get 
 depressed with the want of success. Btit it is 
 a more fatal error still to fix our standard of 
 excellence too low. The point we have in view 
 should ever be an elevated one, and though 
 we may not, and probably shall not attain it 
 at first, yet we shall be conscious to that 
 keen watch over ourselves which will make 
 any trifling with TIME abhorrent to us. The 
 very effort to attain to excellence will certainly 
 impel us onward and upward. 
 
 Of course the daily duties of individuals must
 
 26 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 
 
 vary with their individual circumstances. It 
 would be impossible to prescribe them to all. 
 For all, however, they will possess something of 
 the same character. The young girl in her 
 father's house will probably have some domestic 
 duties ; she will also have her own studies ; the 
 care of her wardrobe ; her social engagements ; 
 the exercise necessary for her health and recre- 
 ation. However various her occupations may 
 be, she will find that, by a little careful manage- 
 ment, there really is " a time for all things." 
 She will observe, too, that the change from 
 active employment to quiet study, or vice versd, 
 will be as great a relaxation as any one can 
 desire, as well as a far pleasanter one than mere 
 idleness. 
 
 Whilst speaking of the value of Time, I can- 
 not help suggesting the desirability of learning 
 such arts as will prove a resource when sickness 
 or age incapacitates from other employments. 
 We have only to visit a school for the blind to 
 see to what perfection some kinds of work can 
 be brought by those who have not the gift of 
 sight ; and although it is generally allowed that
 
 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 27 
 
 the other senses of blind people acquire a keen- 
 ness which ours cannot attain ; yet, with due 
 attention, we certainly might do much more 
 than we do at present. Netting is a kind of 
 work that will be found a valuable resource, 
 when from any cause, our sight is not good. 
 Knitting I should recommend still more ear- 
 nestly ; for, by a little careful practice, we may 
 learn to do it so entirely without looking at it, 
 that we may read even aloud whilst it busily 
 employs our fingers. Nor let us think lightly 
 of such an accomplishment. The value of any 
 acquirement depends on the use to which we 
 put it, and I have known this trifling art pro- 
 duce results the most gratifying. For instance, 
 I once was acquainted with a lady whose income 
 was wholly derived from her labours as a daily 
 governess. I need not say it was no splendid 
 one. Yet for founding a library for the work- 
 ing classes, in which she was much interested, 
 her contribution was one that a countess would 
 have thought munificent. It amounted to se- 
 veral pounds. In reply to a request for aid from 
 some of the committee, she answered literally
 
 28 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 
 
 in the words of the Bible : " Silver and gold 
 have I none, but such as I have, give ; " and 
 she offered to knit any quantity of collars, trim- 
 mings, &c., that they could dispose of. She 
 was teaching from nine to six, and her evenings 
 were occupied in study, but with her, knitting 
 was so entirely mechanical that the most intri- 
 cate pattern neither withdrew her attention nor 
 her thoughts from their legitimate employment, 
 and the result I have stated. 
 
 It is one of the duties we owe to ourselves 
 and others to be punctual in every engagement 
 we make. Nothing can more surely indicate 
 the idler than the want of accuracy in our en- 
 gagements ; in young people especially, it marks 
 a want of respect, also, for those above them ; 
 and, perhaps, more than any one other quality, 
 will involve them in trouble and disgrace. " I 
 will be there to the moment, my Lord/' said a 
 tradesman to Lord Nelson. " Be a quarter of 
 an hour beforehand/' replied that great man ; 
 " I owe everything in the world to being always 
 a quarter of an hour beforehand." It is always, 
 indeed, better to be a little too soon for any
 
 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 29 
 
 engagement or appointment. There is no need 
 whatever that the time should be wasted. A 
 lady's pocket will always hold a small piece of 
 work, or a pocket edition of some good book, of 
 which she may avail herself at such intervals ; 
 and if she values her time, she will not readily 
 be without some such resource, as, unfortu- 
 nately, she cannot reckon, perhaps, on equal 
 punctuality in those she may be engaged to 
 meet. It is unpardonable, however, to keep 
 any one waiting ; and the doing so arises more 
 from a habit of dawdling, or from self-will, than 
 perhaps we are aware of. A young lady is at the 
 piano ; a kind friend has promised to take her 
 to some entertainment, and her mamma sug- 
 gests that it is time she should prepare for the 
 visit. " Oh, I may just as well finish this piece, 
 mamma ; I shall not be five minutes." Mamma 
 concedes. The five minutes are unconsciously 
 prolonged to ten ; the friend arrives, and finds 
 the young lady still in her morning dress ; or is 
 told that she " will be down directly ; she has 
 just gone up to put on her bonnet." Setting 
 aside the irreverent habit of disputing her mo- 
 
 D2
 
 30 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 
 
 ther's wishes, she has shown great want of gra- 
 titude and respect for the friend who has been 
 catering for her amusement, and has probably 
 fussed and hurried herself into a fever; per- 
 haps, too, she has forfeited any renewal of this 
 same kind friend's offer. And why ? Because 
 she chose to put off a positive duty, and to 
 waste the time of others as well as her own. 
 
 This last evil, arising from want of punctu- 
 ality, is too serious to be overlooked in our dis- 
 cussion on the value of time. I remember being 
 much struck with the reproof given by a lady 
 of the Society of Friends to one of the members 
 of a charitable committee, who entered the 
 meeting-room a quarter of an hour after the 
 time appointed. " Dost thou know how much 
 time thou hast lost ? " asked the Friend. " I am 
 but a few minutes behindhand not a quarter 
 of an hour," said the delinquent, looking at her 
 watch. " I beg thy pardon," replied the other; 
 " thou hast not only lost thine own quarter of 
 an hour, which is an affair between thee and 
 thy God, but thou hast robbed each of us 
 twelve of the same time. And what right
 
 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 31 
 
 hadst thou to take from us what thou canst not 
 restore ? " It is indeed true, that the unpunc- 
 tual person not only squanders the time in- 
 trusted to herself, but wastes that of others 
 also. 
 
 If you would really improve your time, be 
 very careful to be always doing something. It 
 is not enough to be intending to do. " The 
 fool/' it is said, " talks of what he is going to 
 do." The wise man will hardly mention what 
 he has done. It is astonishing what a number 
 of hours may be daily wasted in dreaming of 
 setting about something. The only plan that 
 will insure no waste of time is to assign a cer- 
 tain hour for every employment, and to go 
 directly from one to another at that hour, with- 
 out one moment's hesitation, taking, however, 
 into that new occupation, all our thoughts, and 
 energies, and heart. 
 
 But when we speak of putting all our heart 
 and energies into our employment, let us also 
 be sure that the occupation itself is one which 
 is worthy of our destinies as responsible and 
 immortal beings Whatever can contribute to
 
 32 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 
 
 the happiness of others, or to our own improve- 
 ment or pleasure, is an occupation in which we 
 may safely engage ; but there are some restless 
 and ill-regulated minds that seek diversion in 
 occupation, without the slightest thought as to 
 its ultimate utility ; that begin a number of 
 things without finishing one; that exist in a 
 perpetual *state of weariness and excitement, 
 without one wish or thought beyond that of 
 "getting through the day." Noble ambition, 
 truly, for a being to whom that day may be the 
 last of her life ! Such occupation as this does 
 not deserve the name of industry. Such peo- 
 ple have no idea of the value of Time. 
 
 To economise TIME, then, is to employ every 
 moment judiciously, for some good and useful 
 purpose; to be always actively employed in 
 some pursuit worthy of us. What our engage- 
 ments may be is nothing to the purpose. That 
 which may be a waste of time in one girl, may 
 be a duty in another who is differently circum- 
 stanced ; but the truest wisdom is first to ascer- 
 tain what our duties are, and then diligently 
 and heartily to endeavour to perform them.
 
 THE IMPROVEMENT OP TIME. 33 
 
 Nor should we retire to rest without a careful 
 examination of ourselves and our actions, as 
 compared with the resolutions of the morning. 
 Without knowing our errors, how can we hope 
 to correct them ? without examining our hearts, 
 how shall we see wherein we have done, or 
 thought, or acted wrong, or in what we have 
 accomplished our wishes ? To know ourselves, 
 with all our weaknesses and faults, is so essen- 
 tial, that it must be a part of our daily study ; 
 and this knowledge cannot fail to fill us with 
 gratitude to our heavenly Father, and feelings 
 of kindness and charity to our fellow-creatures. 
 It would be wrong to close this chapter on 
 the importance of Time, and the use to be made 
 of it, without adverting more particularly to the 
 large amount that is daily wasted by late risers. 
 Perhaps the great majority of young women 
 rise an hour or two later than they ought to do, 
 and than they would do if they studied even that 
 which was most beneficial to their health ; and 
 the time thus lost amounts in a few years to a 
 period of which they would indeed be frightened 
 to think they had voluntarily robbed themselves.
 
 34 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 
 
 Like all other habits, that of lying in bed late 
 is one which it is difficult to overcome, especially 
 in after life ; it is therefore very unwise to acquire 
 it on leaving school. 
 
 Indeed, the propensity to indulge in lying in 
 bed late in the morning probably arises more 
 from the contrast it affords to the discipline of 
 school, than from any genuine love for bed. 
 The remembrance that she has been obliged to 
 rise at- a certain hour, and the knowledge that 
 she is now so far her own mistress that she can 
 get up when she likes, induces a young girl to 
 give way to this indolent habit. Perhaps, had 
 she been taught to regard it as a privilege to be 
 permitted to rise, she would not now enjoy this 
 exercise of independence; but whatever the 
 reason may be, it is truly to be lamented ; for as 
 the hours of sleep before midnight do more to 
 restore the energies of the frame than any 
 amount of rest after that time, so the period 
 spent in study before noon is much more valu- 
 able than the same time at a later hour of the 
 day. 
 
 All our greatest men and women have been
 
 THE IMPROVEMENT OF TIME. 35 
 
 distinguished as early risers. The old Duke, 
 we know, observed as an excuse for the narrow- 
 ness of his bed, that " when a man began to 
 turn in bed, it was time for him to turn out." 
 And I think it was the great statesman, Fox, 
 who, having an inveterate propensity to sleep, 
 had some machinery arranged at the head of 
 his bed, by which a basin placed there, and into 
 which water flowed all night, was filled to over- 
 flowing in the morning, and insured him a 
 spontaneous cold bath, if he did not rise at a 
 given moment. 
 
 Wesley, for the greater part of his long life, 
 rose at four o' clock in the morning; and we 
 can hardly mention the name of one distin- 
 guished person whom we shall not discover to 
 have been an early riser. 
 
 In later life, this habit, like all others, is 
 difficult to acquire; but as few girls do not 
 already possess it at the period of leaving the 
 schoolroom, it is certainly a great pity that the 
 excellent practice should fall into disuse merely 
 from what we suspect to be a false notion 
 of the luxury of independence ; and those who
 
 36 THE IMPROVEMENT OP TIME. 
 
 are young enough to have the probability of a 
 long life before them, and who will trouble 
 themselves to reckon by how much they will 
 abridge it by rising for ten years at eight o'clock 
 instead of six, will be too much startled by the 
 result of their calculation to indulge a single 
 day in so pernicious a practice.
 
 37 
 
 CHAP. III. 
 
 HEADING AND WRITING. 
 
 " True ease in writing comes from art, not chance, 
 
 As those walk easiest who have learned to dance. 
 
 * * * * * 
 
 " "Tis not enough no harshness gives offence, 
 The sound should seem an echo of the sense." POPE. 
 
 " Speech makes a ready man, reading a full man, and writing 
 a correct man." LORD BACON. 
 
 FOLLOWING out the principle already laid dowc, 
 that those accomplishments are the most excel- 
 lent and most worthy of cultivation which con- 
 tribute most largely to the happiness of others, 
 I place that of reading well before every one 
 of the arts which usually are so designated ; and 
 certainly had I the fairy's power to bestow 
 on those I loved the gift which should most en- 
 dear them to others not of course including 
 good principle, good sense, and good temper I 
 would give them the power of delighting their 
 own family circle by reading and talking well. 
 The former art especially is cultivated far too
 
 38 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 little for the health as well as the happiness of 
 young women,- so much is it neglected, that 
 probably twenty can sing pleasingly for every 
 one that can read agreeably. Yet we cannot 
 doubt that a voice for singing is comparatively 
 rare, and that almost any one who chooses to 
 do so can read so as to give pleasure. Perhaps 
 there are two reasons for the general neglect of 
 this charming accomplishment. In the first 
 place, we are far too apt to cultivate most care- 
 fully that which is to please in society, and to 
 neglect those arts which can contribute to do- 
 mestic happiness ; we sing for our acquaintances, 
 to excite the admiration, or, it may be, the envy 
 of people who see us but seldom, and would not 
 greatly care if they never saw us again. But in 
 being able to read well a good poem or play, or 
 even the debates in parliament, we are only 
 likely to give pleasure to an invalid father or 
 brother, or perhaps a group of younger brothers 
 and sisters. But to increase the happiness of 
 but one of our own home circle ought to be a 
 source of far more satisfaction to us than the 
 applause of any stranger whatever. To wile
 
 READING AND WRITING. 39 
 
 away the dreary hours of pain and sickness, to 
 charm a group of young listeners into forgetful- 
 ness of the rain or snow that is preventing them 
 from enjoying their usual sports, these are ob- 
 jects we can so easily attain, and from which we 
 shall derive such real happiness, that they are 
 well worth a little effort. I say nothing of the 
 enlargement of our own minds, and the amount 
 of knowledge that may be diffused through the 
 medium of the daughters in a family when they 
 are good readers ; but I would earnestly advise 
 the careful cultivation of the voice simply as one 
 of the greatest sources of family union and home 
 happiness that we are privileged to possess. I 
 have heard, indeed, another cause for the ne- 
 glect of this accomplishment, which, were it not 
 gravely stated, would be utterly beyond credi- 
 bility. It is said to be bold and unfeminine to 
 have sufficient presence of mind to read to a 
 family or friendly circle, although apparently 
 there is nothing at all unfeminine or derogatory 
 to the modesty of our sex in singing in the 
 largest and most mixed company, even when 
 the words of our songs may be .anything but
 
 40 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 such as we should feel comfortable in repeating 
 without music. A moment's reflection must 
 show that this excuse has not a shadow of rea- 
 son in it. Like every other gift, a fine voice for 
 reading may be made subservient to vanity and 
 folly, but it is far less liable to be so misused 
 than any other. It is not displayed to stran- 
 gers, like singing; it is not capable of being 
 made a medium of deception, like drawing ; it 
 has all the advantages of other accomplishments 
 as sources of pleasure to ourselves and others, 
 with fewer drawbacks than any other possesses. 
 Then, like all the purest pleasures, it is placed 
 within the reach of all. A piano may, from 
 many causes, be out of our power, or the noise 
 of it, even in another room, may be an annoy- 
 ance to some one ; and we may be without some 
 requisites for drawing, even if we have a taste 
 for the art, which after all is rather a selfish 
 one ; but with books at hand, we can enjoy our- 
 selves and make others happy without giving 
 offence to any. But we must read well if we 
 would give pleasure. Nothing is so wearisome 
 as a bad reader. Miss Hannah More says that
 
 READING AND WRITING. 41 
 
 " to read so as not to be understood, and to write 
 so as not to be read, are among the minor im- 
 moralities of life." The first requisite is to read 
 distinctly, and pronounce every word duly. 
 There should be no appearance of effort, or it 
 becomes painful to the listener ; and if there is 
 really much effort, it is painful to the reader. We 
 should read from the chest, with the head erect 
 and the shoulders thrown back. The book should 
 be held so as to be easily seen without stooping. 
 So much for the attitude. To read well, how- 
 ever, is an art requiring both study and practice. 
 Where it has been neglected in the schoolroom, 
 lessons should be taken of a good professor of 
 elocution, and no opportunity should be omitted 
 of hearing good readers or speakers. Anything 
 like a theatrical display should indeed be avoided 
 with the utmost care ; but still the voice must 
 be trained to vary itself with the subject. To 
 read in the same tone such a piece as "The 
 Battle of Ivry," and Cowper's lines addressed to 
 his " Mother's Picture," would be such a gross 
 violation of nature, as we should all recognise at 
 once. But between these two extremes there
 
 42 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 are many nice shades of error which it needs an 
 artist's ear to detect. Nature herself must be 
 the basis of all rules of art. The tones in which 
 an actual conversation would occur must be 
 proper for the same conversation if we are read- 
 ing it in a novel. In moments of excitement, 
 whether from joy, or sorrow, or danger, or any 
 other cause, we should speak with a rapidity 
 which would be quite foreign to us were we in 
 ordinary circumstances or relating a common- 
 place occurrence. Words of love and fondness 
 would not be uttered with the same accents as 
 the ejaculations of hatred or despair ; and our 
 caressing tone to an infant would differ widely 
 from the respectful manner and voice with which 
 we should address an elder. We have only to 
 watch ourselves and others to see of what an 
 infinite variety of tones the human voice is 
 capable. Having noticed this, it becomes a 
 high art to so control and cultivate the voice as 
 to produce these modulations at will. To do 
 this must be a subject of study, either with or 
 without a master, as circumstances may happen ; 
 but two sisters would find it add much to their
 
 BEADING AND WRITING. 43 
 
 enjoyment of a walk, to occupy themselves in 
 discussing the proper tones in which such or 
 such a speech should be given, or such a poem 
 read. It would lead to an analysis of the spirit 
 and scope of the work, and make them better 
 acquainted with it than any mere reading will 
 ever do. 
 
 Nor must it be forgotten that the exercise of 
 the lungs, which we are recommending, is highly 
 conducive to health. Like every other part of 
 our frames, the lungs require free play for the 
 full development of their powers ; and they will 
 become more capable of exertion just in pro- 
 portion as their powers are continually but judi- 
 ciously exercised. To a person unaccustomed 
 to read aloud, a single hour's lecture will be 
 very fatiguing; but after a few days' regular 
 exertion, the power will be so increased that 
 double that time will produce no weariness. It 
 is of great importance, however, to respire pro- 
 perly. The lungs should inhale as much as 
 they can at each breath, especially at all the 
 pauses. Nothing can be more unpleasant in 
 either a speaker or a reader than a low, rapid,
 
 44 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 monotonous " gabble," varied only by an hys- 
 teric catch in the breath. 
 
 Some people are constitutionally short- 
 breathed, but with many young people it 
 is a mere habit, and a very disagreeable 
 one. Should it be even a natural defect, it can 
 be in a great measure remedied by judiciously 
 exercising the voice in the open air, especially 
 when ascending a hill. For this purpose, reci- 
 tation is better than conversation, as giving more 
 scope for declamatory power. Any of the grand 
 and beautiful speeches which we find in every 
 one of Shakspeare's plays, or passages out of 
 any other favourite poet, will form an admirable 
 exercise. Whilst on the subject of recitation, I 
 cannot help regretting that so many neglect to 
 store their memory with the gems of our poetry 
 in their youth, as by doing so they would pro- 
 vide a store of amusement and interest for them- 
 selves and others in after years, besides greatly 
 strengthening the memory. Most girls profess 
 to be " passionately fond of poetry;" and yet I 
 fear very few are sufficiently acquainted with the 
 works of any one even of our own poets to be able
 
 READING AND WRITING. 45 
 
 to recall the exact words of any passage even of 
 the most popular writer. Those, however, who 
 have learnt by heart a good deal of the choicest 
 of our poetry, feel that they have, in doing so, 
 accumulated sources of interest and pleasure 
 for many a weary hour of sickness or of me- 
 chanical employment. Indeed, it is so great a 
 pleasure to be able to recall at will the gems- of 
 our literature, that I am persuaded no one who 
 thought about the matter would neglect volun- 
 tarily such a source of happiness. Poetry, 
 indeed, can be learned in odd minutes, from 
 an open book while working, or whilst brushing 
 the hair at night, or at many other periods 
 that are too often wasted. "But I have no 
 memory," I think I hear some one say. Trans- 
 lated, the phrase usually means, " I do not 
 think it worth while to try to remember ;" for 
 we may remark we all have sufficient memory 
 for anything that closely concerns our own 
 interests. Undoubtedly, some women are 
 naturally blessed with a stronger memory than 
 others ; but it is always in our own power to 
 improve it, and if we are conscious of a defi-
 
 46 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 ciency, it should only make us more anxious to 
 strengthen our memory, as we shall surely do, 
 by steadily and gradually increasing our de- 
 mands upon it. Close and fixed attention to the 
 subject in hand, whilst it remains before th?m, 
 is perhaps the grand secret of those who distin- 
 guish themselves by the power of their memory. 
 It is no effort of GENIUS to be able to report a 
 sermon or a speech without notes ; it is simply 
 the effect of giving undivided attention during its 
 delivery. Let the experiment be fairly tried, and 
 I doubt not the result will prove that there is no 
 magic whatever in having a good memory. 
 
 But, whilst urging you to store your minds 
 with poetry, sacred and profane, I should cruelly 
 neglect my duty if I failed to counsel you to 
 avail yourself of your youthful days to acquire 
 such a knowledge of the sacred volume as will 
 form a resource when you may be unable to 
 read it for yourself or others. To all of us come 
 periods of sickness and of affliction, when we 
 are unable to read, or perhaps to bear the sound 
 of a voice, when yet it would be an infinite 
 blessing to be able to recall the very words of
 
 READING AND WRITING. 47 
 
 love and mercy with which our Bible abounds. 
 It is in the season of youth and health that 
 such stores of comfort should be acquired ; and 
 certainly no day should be allowed to pass by 
 any young girl, without her having made some 
 addition to. her Biblical knowledge. A single 
 verse a day will make nearly four hundred in 
 the year; and by recalling on the Sunday what 
 we have learned in the week, we shall keep up 
 our remembrance of what we have once ac- 
 quired. This is a sort of learning we shall cer- 
 tainly never regret. 
 
 With regard to the books to be selected for 
 private reading, much must depend on our posi- 
 tion in life. Those who have few or no active 
 domestic duties, can give, and will probably be 
 expected to give, a larger portion of their time 
 to reading than those differently circumstanced. 
 But it is of the greatest importance that books, 
 whether few or many, should be well chosen) and 
 well read. Books are like people. Some should 
 be minutely studied ; some may be just glanced 
 through ; but every one should leave a certain 
 definite impression on the mind. If we go
 
 48 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 through a book without learning something 
 from it, we have thrown away our time. How 
 then are we to ascertain that we have read to a 
 purpose? I would earnestly advise every young 
 lady leaving school to resolve to read no work 
 without entering its name, and some particulars 
 respecting it, in a book to be kept for that 
 purpose. I say every book, for the most trivial 
 ought to teach us some lesson of morals or 
 manners ; to confirm or alter some opinion ; or 
 it must be indeed a useless book. I do not 
 suggest an elaborate analysis of everything we 
 read, but merely a resume, or a sort of catalogue 
 raisonee, of novels, plays, and light reading 
 generally, with extracts of any sentiment or 
 speech which may particularly strike us. But all 
 history should be read with great care, and 
 an abstract, however short, made of it daily. 
 We should avail ourselves of the comparatively 
 leisure years of early womanhood to read the 
 sterling histories of our own and other nations. 
 Whenever we can do so, we should obtain con- 
 temporaneous histories, by writers of opposite 
 principles; and, by reading both, we should
 
 READING AND WRITING. 49 
 
 avoid the folly of arguing from a one-sided view 
 of facts. This is not merely desirable for the 
 sake of acquiring a correct knowledge of events ; 
 it will also prevent our indulging in those bitter 
 feelings and violent invectives which arise from 
 ignorance of what may be said of the other 
 side of a question. For every question, like 
 every coin, has two sides, and much ill feeling 
 would be avoided if all parties would fairly 
 examine them. For instance : our Protestant 
 histories of England speak strongly of the cru- 
 elties exercised by Queen Mary on her reformed 
 subjects, but they totally overlook the equal 
 atrocities perpetrated by her sister Elizabeth, on 
 the Roman Catholics. This is not very fair, 
 perhaps, but it is natural. If we only read one 
 of those histories, it is, of course, the one which 
 is on the side of our own faith, and we think 
 we have an excellent proof of the crimes of the 
 opposite party. But when we see both sides of 
 the question, we find out how little real religion 
 had to do with the crimes for which it was made 
 a cloak, and we arrive at such a knowledge of 
 the truth as may not only teach us the history 
 
 r
 
 50 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 of past ages, but furnish us with a hint for our 
 future guidance in many a difficulty. 
 
 Whenever a book of history or travels is 
 opened, a geography and atlas should also -find 
 a place on our study table. The places men- 
 tioned should be found, and every addition to 
 our geographical knowledge noted. In our ab- 
 stract of what we read, all discrepancies between 
 the various authors should be remarked, and we 
 should endeavour to see how far the variation 
 arises from the peculiar character of the 
 writers themselves, and how far they have au- 
 thority for their opinion. 
 
 Biographies of eminent individuals also form 
 a particularly useful study; and, if possible, 
 they should always be taken in conjunction 
 with the works of such as are authors. No 
 life should ever be read without a summary of 
 the character being written, not at the moment 
 of completing the book, but after an interval of 
 at least a day, and a period of careful considera- 
 tion. For instance, after completing a biogra- 
 phy, avail yourself of a solitary walk, or a task 
 of needlework, to deliberately recall all the lead-
 
 READING AND WRITING. 51 
 
 ing incidents and traits of character; think 
 where the individual in question erred, and why, 
 and what result the error produced ; examine 
 in the same way all the good points, and draw 
 as just a balance as you can. Commit your judg- 
 ment to writing, either elaborately, or as a brief 
 abstract ; and you will have the satisfaction of 
 finding you have been exercising at the same time 
 all the best faculties of your mind, reason, judg- 
 ment, memory, as well as improving yourself 
 in composition, and materially adding to your 
 knowledge. For it is not what we read, but 
 how we read, that makes us learned, or leaves 
 us ignorant. In reading, more than in any- 
 thing else, quality is of more consequence than 
 quantity. 
 
 Works of fiction form, very naturally, the 
 favourite part of the library of the young ; for 
 at the age when imagination is the most active 
 and powerful faculty of the mind, they possess 
 charms which we should seek in vain in Rollin 
 or Hume. But this appetite, like that of a 
 child for cakes, must be restrained within due 
 bounds, or it will be injurious. No pastry will
 
 52 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 ever be a proper substitute for a solid joint; 
 and the best novels that ever were written would 
 not be suitable as the only, or even the principal 
 study of a young girl. Novels should be kept 
 as a relaxation from study, or a source of 
 amusement during temporary indisposition. 
 And nothing should induce a daughter to read 
 such as are not sanctioned by her mother. 
 Many are indeed excellent and unobjectionable 
 as amusements ; and, in the present day espe- 
 cially, we have several writers whose works will 
 at once delight and instruct the reader. But 
 how are you to choose these books, supposing 
 that mamma leaves you in such matters to your 
 own guidance. Let one book by any given 
 author afford us, on analysis, a good lesson, and 
 we may fairly believe that another by the same 
 writer will not be objectionable. Take "Emelia 
 Wyndham " as an example. The result of this 
 novel on the mind will probably be the convic- 
 tion that happiness will always, sooner or 
 later, result from a steady adherence to the path 
 of duty, however much that path may at first 
 seem beset with thorns. Well, this lesson, laid to
 
 READING AND WRITING. 53 
 
 heart and acted out, will prove valuable to us in 
 many a difficulty; and if we have learnt it 
 from reading a novel, that novel was neither 
 read nor written in vain. 
 
 The works of the author of " Olive " (Miss 
 Mulock) are all excellent ; and " Lydia," a 
 WOMAN'S book, by Mrs. Newton Crosland, is a 
 book every woman should read. Nor must I 
 forget the " Lives of Memorable Women/' by 
 the same truly clear-headed and warm-hearted 
 authoress. In elevating our sex in our own eyes, 
 this work will stimulate us to emulate the vir- 
 tues of those who have done so much honour 
 to it. 
 
 To give a list of works to be read would be 
 clearly impossible, within the limits of a book 
 like this. I can only advise in general terms 
 
 1st. To avoid all " Compendiums," "Selec- 
 tions," "Abstracts," and "Beauties," as you 
 would avoid the plague or the cholera. They 
 form a royal road to ignorance and self-conceit 
 instead of knowledge. 
 
 2nd. Having begun a book, read it through. 
 Master its contents, and do not be satisfied 
 
 F2
 
 54 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 without having learnt something from the 
 perusal. 
 
 3rd. Give your whole attention to every work 
 while you are engaged on it. 
 
 Follow out these rules, and you will read to 
 some purpose. 
 
 Of course, whilst it is optional to read many 
 works, there are some of which it would be dis- 
 graceful to be ignorant. Such are the 
 
 Historians, bards, and orators sublime, 
 Land-marks eternal on the shores of Time, 
 
 whose works are to be found in every library. 
 That grand old Greek, Plutarch, is perhaps the 
 most profoundly interesting of all historians (lor 
 his biographies clearly belong to history) ; then 
 Rollin, Gibbon, Hume and Smollett, Lingard, 
 and Robertson. Not to know these would be 
 indeed to argue yourselves unknown. And who 
 would acknowledge that they were ignorant of 
 Shakspere ? (Bowdler*s edition is the best) Who 
 has not read the romances and poems of Scott, 
 or Miss Edgeworth's admirable tales, or enjoyed 
 the immortal " Vicar of Wakefield," or sighed 
 over " Rasselas ?" But few works ever gave me
 
 READING AND WRITING. 55 
 
 more intense pleasure than " BoswelPs Life of 
 Johnson," a work which not only shows us the 
 great lexicographer as he was, with all his great- 
 ness and all his failings, but also introduces us 
 to the intimate acquaintance of all the great 
 men of that period. Truly there were giants 
 on the earth in those days ! Another favourite 
 book of mine, I remember, was Adam Clark's 
 " Lives of the Wesley Family." It is years 
 since I saw it, but I can still recall the interest 
 with which I read the histories of the members 
 of that remarkable family. The " Spectator," 
 too, was in my girlish days a source of great 
 enjoyment. Cowper's letters and poems were 
 also very great favourites ; and the old poets, 
 Spencer especially, I delighted in. I say nothing 
 of Milton, or rather of " Paradise Lost," for I 
 suspect I am not the only person who read it 
 as a duty. Passages there are which must 
 delight every one ; but, as a whole, it is pro- 
 bably " caviar to the general," as it was to me. 
 It is a study for maturer years than those I am 
 supposing my friends to possess. 
 
 So intimately are reading and composition
 
 56 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 connected, that they can hardly be considered 
 distinctly. In the course of my observations 
 on books, I have suggested plans which must 
 materially improve the mental powers, and will, 
 as that of expressing thought ; but a few words 
 more may not be misplaced. 
 
 The most general exercise of a young lady's 
 pen is in her correspondence with friends, or 
 with absent members of her family. On leav- 
 ing the schoolroom this correspondence begins, 
 not unfrequently with requests from her imme- 
 diate associates, and perhaps with others with 
 whom she has had really no intimacy, with 
 " You'll write to me, won't you, there's a dear?" 
 or " Now, mind ; I shall expect to hear from 
 you every week; be sure you write to me!" 
 and a young girl becomes involved in an exten- 
 sive correspondence before she knows the value 
 of the time she is throwing away ; for it is, in 
 most cases, utterly thrown away. Few school- 
 girl friendships endure for any long period after 
 the parties are separated; nor is it desirable 
 that they should, unless they have some more 
 solid foundation than mere propinquity. Of
 
 READING AND WRITING. 57 
 
 course I am not objecting to occasional letters 
 of kind inquiry, but to a regular and settled 
 correspondence, involving the loss of a vast 
 amount of time, to say nothing of money. For 
 whilst an interchange of letters with a person 
 of superior mind and greater experience of the 
 world, is as great an advantage as a young girl 
 can have, the silly chit-chat, and often the per- 
 nicious gossiping, in which young girls indulge, 
 is a serious evil. For, unfortunately, people 
 instead of things are too often discussed in such 
 letters, and remarks are made in a spirit of fun 
 or mischief, which may leave or create a bad 
 impression. Sometimes satire is indulged in, 
 under the idea that it is wit ; and slander is 
 circulated almost unintentionally, certainly 
 without a single thought of the consequences. 
 
 In all correspondence with your young 
 friends, then, you should endeavour to write 
 about things rather than people; and if you 
 mention the latter at all, to guard against re- 
 peating any tale of slander or detraction. Be 
 on your guard, too, against flattering, or being 
 flattered, in your correspondence. No real
 
 58 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 friend will speak to you more warmly than she 
 feels, or will praise you when your own con- 
 science tells you you deserve blame. 
 
 But seek, if possible, to establish a corres- 
 pondence with those who are your superiors in 
 years, or knowledge, or both; and if you would 
 be a good letter writer, study the best models, 
 and practise the art carefully. Among the 
 most charming letters in the world are the poet 
 Cowper's. As specimens of taste and wit, Lady 
 Mary Wortley Montague's are unrivalled ; but 
 in her brilliancy she sometimes forgets her wo- 
 manhood, an error by which she loses half her 
 charms. Lord Collingwood's correspondence 
 is extremely interesting ; and there are hundreds 
 of admirable volumes of letters, which will 
 assist you in forming your style and guiding 
 your task. But to write a good letter, you 
 must have something to write about ; and re- 
 member, that out of an empty vase can come 
 no water. If you have not cultivated both your 
 head and your heart, your letters can contain 
 little to make them worthy of being read, even 
 by a partial friend. Young girls find a
 
 READING AND WRITING. 59 
 
 difficulty in writing letters, because they do not 
 clearly understand, or do not remember, that 
 epistles to absent friends are but substitutes for 
 personal intercourse, and that, therefore, what- 
 ever topics would be likely to be discussed in 
 conversation with a person, are fit subjects for 
 the pen. It is from not reflecting on this fact 
 that young ladies so often say, " Well, I really 
 do not know what to say," even if writing to a 
 parent or a brother, as they would certainly find 
 something to say were they in the presence of 
 the same relations. 
 
 To write a letter well is, however, a high art, 
 and may be considered one of the most charm- 
 ing accomplishments of a woman. The first 
 point to be considered is legibility. Nothing 
 can be more annoying than to receive a letter 
 which it is impossible to decipher. If from 
 one we love, it is an act of cruelty; if from 
 a stranger, an unpardonable impertinence. Some 
 people, indeed, seem to forget that they write 
 for the benefit of others ; and it was once my 
 fate to hear a hieroglyphic hand justified, as 
 being intended only for the benefit of the
 
 60 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 writer! Certainly, he was the only person 
 likely to be benefited by it. As a rule, there- 
 fore, we should be careful to write legibly. 
 
 The next point is, to omit no topic that it is 
 desirable to mention ; and to give clear replies 
 to all the queries of your correspondent. Even 
 the most unimportant letter should be the sub- 
 ject of some slight consideration before we take 
 a pen in hand. A little mental arrangement 
 of the subjects on which we are to write, will 
 enable us to discuss each in its order, and to 
 omit none. Replies to any inquiries of our 
 correspondent, or what we may properly term the 
 answer to her letter, should be the opening part 
 of our own ; then any other topic which we may 
 wish to introduce, concluding with messages 
 of affection, &c. We should endeavour to write, 
 at all times, such a letter as shall gratify our 
 correspondent, and show that her tastes and 
 peculiarities are remembered by us. To the 
 tried friends of childhood, of whose warm and 
 disinterested affection for us we are well as- 
 sured, we may venture to write much of our- 
 selves ; for they will be gratified by our frank-
 
 READING AND WRITING. 61 
 
 ness and confidence. But it betrays great 
 vanity and egotism to make our own sayings or 
 doings the burden of a letter to a comparative 
 stranger. Every letter should be duly dated, 
 and also bear the name and address of the per- 
 son for whom it is intended; at the end, if a 
 letter of friendship, and immediately below the 
 date if a letter of business, or to a stranger, 
 
 thus : 
 
 No. Rue St. Honore, 
 
 Pari?, 
 
 April 27th, 1854. 
 Messrs. Darton & Co. 
 
 Gentlemen, 
 
 The mention of a publisher's name reminds 
 me of the vast and frequently absurd correspond- 
 ence with which many editors are tormented. 
 To be able to obtain from the head of a popular 
 journal information on any topic, is a privilege 
 which should be too highly valued to be abused, 
 as it too frequently is. One had need be the 
 recipient of such letters for a week to believe 
 what a mass of trash is perpetrated apparently 
 only to increase the revenue; it certainly can 
 answer no other end. Questions the most trivial
 
 62 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 or abstruse are unhesitatingly submitted to the 
 journalist : aid is asked in obtaining employ- 
 ment, in a way that really reads more like a 
 command than a request ; and pages are filled 
 np with details of private matters with which 
 the poor editor can have neither concern nor in- 
 terest. If you have occasion to write to any one 
 whose public situation must involve a large corre- 
 spondence, attend to two or three common-sense 
 rules. 
 
 Put no query for which you can readily obtain 
 a reply elsewhere. 
 
 Ask every question in the fewest possible words. 
 
 Begin each new subject on a fresh line, and a 
 little within the edge of the paper. Write 
 clearly, and on no account cross your letter. 
 
 If a private answer is desired, inclose a 
 stamped addressed envelope. 
 
 Lastly, remember you are asking a favour of 
 a stranger, and couch your letter in simple and 
 respectful terms. For a young lady, in sober 
 earnest, to write a long rigmarole to a person 
 she never saw, sign herself " Your affectionate 
 Miss Smith," and expect a reply, is to exhibit
 
 READING AND WRITING. 63 
 
 an amount of insolence that is only exceeded 
 by her ignorance. 
 
 To write a long or a crossed letter, is almost 
 to insure its being thrown into the fire ; and to 
 expect an answer without defraying the ex- 
 penses is most unjust. True, postage is only one 
 penny, and perhaps paper and envelope another ; 
 but you have no right to charge a stranger with 
 even that expense for you, in addition to the 
 trouble of writing. And consider what a sum it 
 would amount to, were every one of an editor's 
 correspondents to do the same. Supposing that 
 twelve persons only were to write daily to the 
 editor of a popular periodical, (a very low 
 average,) he would be taxed by his fair cor- 
 respondents at least twenty pounds a year ! 
 Besides, it is the rule with many people to reply 
 to no queries from strangers, when the where- 
 withal is not provided for doing so ; therefore, 
 as a matter of prudence, as well as honesty, it is 
 advisable to follow this advice. 
 
 It can scarcely be necessary to comment on 
 the ignorance displayed by those who begin a 
 letter in one person, and end it in another ; a
 
 64 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 moment's thought will show a writer that she 
 makes nonsense of her letter by such a blunder. 
 When a note is begun in the third person : 
 " Miss James will be obliged by Messrs. Sowerby 
 & Co., &c.," there is no necessity for any ter- 
 mination ; and for a short note to strangers or 
 tradespeople, this form is very appropriate. But 
 if the note is likely to be a long- one, it is better 
 to adopt the more general mode, beginning 
 " Madam," or " Sir," because in the other way 
 you have to speak of two different parties in the 
 third person, and it is apt to produce confusion. 
 Everything that is likely to cause ambiguity in 
 written communications should be carefully 
 avoided. Letters that commence with "Madam," 
 or " Sir," should have as a termination 
 I am, or I remain, 
 Sir (or Madam), 
 
 Yours respectfully, or yours obediently, 
 to superiors; to equals "yours faithfully." Yours 
 truly, or yours sincerely, will be in character 
 with " Dear Madam," or " Dear Sir ;" the ad- 
 verbs very, and most, imply greater intimacy, and 
 are appropriate with " My dear Miss So-and-so,"
 
 BEADING AND WRITING. 65 
 
 or " My dear Madam ;" and your own feelings 
 will indicate when more affectionate expressions 
 may properly be used. But beware of exag- 
 gerated expressions, as well as of committing to 
 paper any sentiments which are likely to be mis- 
 construed, remembering that whilst the meaning 
 of spoken words is frequently even contradicted 
 by the look or tone that accompanies them, 
 such as are written cannot be explained away, 
 but must bear any interpretation the readers 
 may put upon them. 
 
 Before closing the subject of letter writing, 
 a few words on the fitting up of a young lady's 
 desk may not be inappropriate. It should con- 
 tain everything that can be necessary for writing : 
 letter and note-paper, envelopes of various sizes, 
 pens, penholders, pencils, knife and paper-cut- 
 ter, blotting-paper, ink, in a stand which is not 
 liable to be upset ; sealing-wax, in small round 
 sticks, as these are much nicer for making a 
 neat seal than the flat ones ; a small box of post- 
 age stamps, wafers, and seals. India-rubber 
 bands are also extremely useful for keeping let- 
 ters, accounts, and papers together ; and a small
 
 C6 BEADING AND WRITING. 
 
 india-rubber slate, with a pencil attached, will 
 be found an excellent addition to the usual con- 
 tents of a desk, especially for those who are 
 anxious to attain a good style of composition. 
 
 On the subject of keeping letters, there are 
 various opinions ; much must depend on the na- 
 ture of our correspondence and the frequency of 
 communication ; but I think it is better, as a 
 general rule, to destroy all ordinary letters when 
 they have been answered, than to accumulate a 
 quantity of written paper which will some day, 
 almost certainly, be looked over with indiffer- 
 ence. There are, indeed, some letters which 
 should be guarded among our dearest treasures 
 letters of absent parents, and others similarly 
 interesting ; but, considering how uncertain life 
 is, it is seldom wise to retain the letters of friends 
 after the interest they have excited has died 
 away. We can hardly insure that they may 
 not be seen by those whose criticism would not 
 be desired by the writers, and perhaps produce 
 misunderstandings between friends ; for remem- 
 ber, so influenced are we naturally by the pecu- 
 liarities of the person with whom we are asso-
 
 READING AND WRITING. 67 
 
 elating at the moment, that it is almost certain 
 everything we say or write to that person will 
 in some degree take its tone from the influence 
 of her mind ; and we should feel the same words 
 unsuitable for another person, for whom we 
 might yet feel an equal affection. It is better, 
 therefore, to burn at the end of every year all 
 unimportant letters received in it, and to request 
 our own letters may be treated in the same 
 way. Let me add, that no correspondence 
 should be entered into by a young girl without 
 the sanction of her best friend her mother; 
 nor should it be carried on, if it ever becomes of 
 such a nature that she would not like her mother 
 to see it. No loving mother will object to the 
 innocent amusement of her child ; and be sure, 
 if you feel you would rather not show your 
 parent the letter of your friend, there is some- 
 thing in it which should never have been written. 
 Always refuse to be a party to anything clan- 
 destine; and save yourself from the temptation 
 to become privy to a secret by letting it be 
 known your mother is so much your friend you 
 have no concealments from her.
 
 68 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 Whilst being studious not to be compromised 
 by the folly of others, be very careful what you 
 yourself write concerning any one. If it be 
 necessary for a Christian to set a watch at the 
 door of her lips, be sure it is still more import- 
 ant for her to guard her pen ; for words may be 
 forgotten, a harsh speech may be excused on 
 the ground of momentary anger, but a written 
 judgment remains; and, if we allow ourselves to 
 comment on others in an undue manner, we arc 
 almost certain to live to regret our error, not 
 however before some irreparable mischief is 
 committed. It is wise, therefore, to say nothing 
 of any one, in our most private letter, that we 
 should not like to have repeated; and, as a 
 general rule, it is better to talk of things than 
 of persons. Beware of giving way to a propen- 
 sity to gossip; it will make you odious as a 
 young woman, and deprive you in old age of 
 every title to respect. 
 
 The details of folding, sealing, and directing a 
 letter are by no means beneath the attention of 
 a lady, since strangers will judge of her charac- 
 ter by the appearance of her letters. Besides
 
 READING AND WRITING. 69 
 
 this, it should be a woman's aim to do every- 
 thing, no matter how trivial, in the best possible 
 manner. If a thing is worth doing at all, it is 
 worth doing well. The universal introduction 
 of envelopes has obviated much of the difficulty 
 that used to exist in folding a letter neatly ; but 
 even now we see sheets of paper that have been 
 twice folded, because the first arrangement would 
 not admit of their being placed in the envelope. 
 The usual way of folding note-paper is to double 
 it first in the length, and then in the breadth. 
 French envelopes, which are long and narrow, 
 require the paper to be folded in four in the 
 width. Sealing-wax is comparatively little used 
 now; but we can never consider an adhesive 
 envelope an elegant thing, although we may 
 allow it to be a convenient one. The address 
 should be extremely clear, as should also the 
 place of your own residence ; for I have known 
 some hundreds of letters which could not be 
 answered, because the name and address of the 
 writer were illegible j and, as a last resource, I 
 have cut out the name and address, and gummed 
 them on the envelope, trusting that the magical
 
 70 READING AND WRITING. 
 
 skill of the " Blind Clerk," at the General Post 
 Office, might enable him to decipher a name 
 which was quite beyond my comprehension. 
 
 To conclude this subject, I will say a few 
 words more on composition. Poets, indeed, 
 may be " born, not made," according to the old 
 proverb ; but for all writers study does as much 
 as genius. Hear what one of the greatest authors 
 of modern times (Sir E. Bulwer Lytton) says 
 on this point "I am no believer in genius 
 without labour; but I do believe that labour, 
 continuously and judiciously applied, becomes 
 genius in itself." If such a man has had to toil 
 to attain excellence, what must Imrnbler indi- 
 viduals do? 
 
 There are two kinds of exercise for your pen, 
 if you wish to become a good writer : you must 
 learn to condense and to amplify. To condense 
 is to give the substance of any narrative or event 
 in the fewest words possible, without in any de- 
 gree altering the sense. The other process is 
 that by which we enlarge on a history, or a sen- 
 timent, still retaining its leading features in all 
 their integrity. These exercises will lead you
 
 READING AND WRITING. 71 
 
 to criticise all your words carefully, that you 
 may not unthinkingly use one which does not 
 convey the right impression. Exercises in ori- 
 ginal composition are also very desirable; and 
 careful attempts at criticism will improve your 
 judgment as well as your style. The notices I 
 have already advised you to give of the books 
 you read, will prepare you for more elaborate 
 critiques. Any new work which is much talked 
 of will be an admirable study for you, as you 
 will probably hear it discussed by those who are 
 more capable of appreciating its merits ; and, at 
 any rate, the monthly reviews will be sure to 
 have notices of it, which you may compare with 
 your own, and thus learn to form your judg- 
 ment and your taste. Do not, however, be 
 ashamed of differing even from a professed critic ; 
 rather examine the ground of his opinion, and 
 see whether you are yourself in error or not. 
 Editors are but fallible mortals, like other peo- 
 ple ; and no rational being should pin her faith on 
 any other person's sleeve. Let your object be, 
 not to prove yourself right, but to exercise your 
 powers and enlarge your mind.
 
 CHAP. IV. 
 
 ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 
 
 " But 'tis not timber, lead, or stone, 
 The architect requires alone, 
 To finish a fine building ; 
 The palace were but half complete, 
 If he could possibly forget 
 
 The carving and the gilding." CoWPEB. 
 
 " So many more languages a man hath, by so many more 
 times is he a man." BACON. 
 
 ACCOMPLISHMENTS are to the more solid parts 
 of education, what a handsome frame is to a 
 good picture : they add to the beauty and per- 
 fection of the character, whereitpossessessome- 
 thing yet more beautiful in solid acquirements 
 of mind, and graces of heart. But where they 
 are the best parts of a girl's education, they lose 
 half even of their beauty, and almost all of their 
 value. 
 
 Not for a moment would I undervalue any 
 accomplishment ; every art, every language,
 
 ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 73 
 
 every acquirement of whatever sort, is valuable 
 to a woman ; not only because it gives her occu- 
 pation and home enjoyment, but also because 
 it is another security against misfortune. But, 
 then, every accomplishment we begin must be 
 carried out to some definite purpose ; which at 
 present is far from being the case. Take, for 
 instance, Drawing. Every schoolgirl learns 
 drawing, and produces extraordinary landscapes 
 and crayon heads on her return from school, 
 and her parents pay the bill and have the 
 drawings framed ; and there, I am afraid, is 
 an end of the matter. But ought hour after 
 hour, year after year, to be spent to 110 practical 
 purpose? Is it fit or reasonable- that a girl 
 should put her parents to so much expense, and 
 lose her own precious time, merely to say she 
 has done so and so, whilst she could not draw 
 an animal for her little brother, or sketch a 
 design for a table for her father, or tell the 
 difference between the forms of an oak and an 
 elm, if the originals were not before her? Has 
 the Almighty given us TIME to be so frittered 
 away? Certainly not.
 
 74 ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 
 
 "What is the error, then ? It is not our know- 
 ledge, but our want of knowledge, with which I 
 am finding fault. We begin a good many things 
 just where we should leave them off; we prac- 
 tise detail when we should study principle: 
 hence we are puzzled whenever a subject de- 
 mands a knowledge of general principles. 
 
 Drawing, to be useful, must be taught and 
 learnt in a very different way. A knowledge of 
 the rules of proportion, of light and shadow, of 
 the principles of colouring, of geometry ; these 
 should be the subjects of a course of lessons in 
 drawing. As it is, nothing is really known ; 
 and were a party of young people recently from 
 school asked by what rule they would effect the 
 arrangement of a group of haymakers in a field, 
 so that they should all appear to be at different 
 distances, hardly one out of the number could 
 reply. Yet a knowledge of drawing is essential to 
 every educated being; and, doubtless, as Art 
 progresses and people begin to understand what 
 education means, it will become a part of the 
 lessons in every village school. May we speedily 
 witness the advent of that day. Meantime let
 
 ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 75 
 
 every one mend one, and the world will soon 
 improve. Draw the simplest forms cubes and 
 such things and avail yourself of all the good 
 instruction you can ; but draw from nature, or 
 from good studies, and remember that Giotto, 
 when he sketched a circle with charcoal on a 
 bit of paper, considered he had given sufficient 
 evidence of his capacity for the greatest works. 
 
 LANGUAGES, like drawing, are apt to be learnt 
 as a task, and dismissed afterwards from the 
 memory. With regard to the study of them, a 
 great advance has doubtless taken place during 
 the last few years ; but that much remains to be 
 done we may feel well assured, when we read the 
 extraordinary translations of French tales which 
 have appeared, and find a translator for the 
 press rendering " un particulier " into " a par- 
 ticular person." 
 
 In our study of languages, we must not forget 
 that until we can think in them we are not 
 proficient. I believe a better system is now iii 
 vogue, and by the aid of De Porquet, and other 
 good scholastic writers, linguists are really made; 
 but still girls are too much engaged in rendering
 
 76 ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 
 
 French into English, instead of English into 
 French. To remedy this, make it a habit daily 
 to translate from English into French, and select, 
 for such exercises, the most colloquial parts of 
 a story, play, or other work. Scientific and pro- 
 fessional works are extremely useful in this 
 respect ; as, by the study of them, we become 
 acquainted with technical terms which otherwise 
 would hardly occur in any lesson. Translations 
 of our own authors by good foreign writers are 
 valuable as keys to those who wish to improve 
 themselves without the aid of masters. If, for 
 instance, you can procure a translation of 
 " Waverley," and you take it also for your own 
 study, by comparing your translation with the 
 Frenchman's, you will detect your errors, and 
 arrive at an excellent knowledge of the language. 
 But, in this unassisted study, be sure to tran- 
 scribe every technical and idiomatic phrase, and 
 not only learn it by heart, but construct a dia- 
 logue for yourself in which it shall occur. 
 
 A knowledge of French verbs I will suppose 
 you to have thoroughly acquired at school ; but, 
 as T have found even good scholars puzzled by
 
 ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 
 
 77 
 
 the genders, I will transcribe some very simple 
 tables I once furnished for the use of my own 
 pupils. 
 
 Of course, as a general rule, among all living 
 creatures the males are masculine, and the 
 females feminine ; but there are reptiles, fishes, 
 insects, and even wild birds and beasts, in which 
 no distinction is made between the genders, 
 which are decided only by the termination, 
 thus : 
 
 MASCULINE TERMINATIONS. 
 All words are masculine ending in 
 
 Rule. 
 
 o ... -'-j- 
 
 u ..... 
 
 e* (when not preceded by t) 
 erne .... 
 6me . . 
 uime .... 
 
 age . . . v (f . ; :! 
 
 ege . " -. ! 
 uge .' V 
 
 acle . . . 
 aume . . . " . 
 aire . . 
 
 oire 
 
 Exception. 
 none. 
 
 foi, loi, merci, fourrni. 
 none. 
 
 eau, peau, vertu, glu, tribu. 
 none, 
 crerne. 
 none. 
 
 cage, image, pugu, rage, 
 none. 
 
 gloire, memoire, poire, vecloir 
 histoire, nageoire, passoire
 
 78 ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 
 
 All nouns which end in any consonant, except x, ion, eur, 
 or ton, preceded by a vowel. 
 
 Consonant. Exceptions. 
 
 brebis, chair, clef, cour, cuiller, 
 caisson, dent, boisson, dot, 
 fa9on, faim, fin, fois, foret, 
 hart, lecon, main, mer, 
 moisson, mort, mousson, 
 nef, necit, part, ran9on, 
 souris, tour, vis. 
 
 Maman (mamma), ending with a consonant, is feminine 
 as following the first general rule. 
 
 Finally, all trees, and all adjectives and verbs used as sub- 
 stantives, are masculine. 
 
 Feminine All nouns ending in x, eur, and ion, or son, pre- 
 ceded by a vowel, are feminine. 
 
 Hide. Exceptions. 
 
 x ..... choix, crucifix, prix, flux, re- 
 
 flux. 
 
 eur bonheur, coeur, choeur, des- 
 
 honneur, exterieur, honneur, 
 labeur, malheur, pleur. 
 
 ion crompion, lampion, million, 
 
 bastion. 
 
 son (preceded by a vowel) . poison, tison. 
 
 & athee, mausolee, trophee. 
 
 t ..... arre'te, comte, comite, c6te, 
 
 6t6, pate", traite*. 
 
 i foie, genie, incendie, parapluie. 
 
 ace ..... espace. 
 
 ance . . . . . none.
 
 ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 79 
 
 Rule. Exceptions, 
 
 ence . . . . silence. 
 
 ade none. 
 
 ude prelude. 
 
 iere ..... cimetiere, derriere. 
 
 ure augure, mercure, murinure, 
 
 parjure. 
 
 lie . . . . . codicille, chevre-feuille, inter- 
 
 valle, libelle. 
 
 mme ..... none. 
 
 nne 
 
 rre beurre. 
 
 tte ..... none. 
 
 sse carosse, colosse. 
 
 These rules, with their exceptions, comprise 
 almost, if not quite the entire language, and will 
 be useful as a reference to the student. 
 
 One of the greatest benefits of a knowledge of 
 foreign languages is the clear insight it gives 
 you into the depths and beauties of your own. 
 For instance, if we read the French translation 
 of OWN, propre, we shall comprehend that speech 
 in Henry IV., 
 
 " Happy am I that have a man so hold 
 That dares do justice on my proper son." 
 
 It is evident that proper is here taken in its 
 French, not its English, signification. 
 
 Thus each language constantly throws a light
 
 80 ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 
 
 on all others, and gives >us greater power and 
 facility of expression. Italian is considered a 
 remarkably easy language. Doubtless, the pro- 
 nunciation is so ; but the construction of this 
 language, and its idiomatic tendencies (hardly 
 exceeded by those of Spain), entitle it to a 
 higher place than it generally holds. And 
 then, with its sonorous yet soft and flowing 
 words, its graceful phraseology, the memories 
 of its departed greatness, its pre-eminence as 
 the language of tenderness, it certainly is one 
 of the most interesting studies in which a wo- 
 man can indulge. But it should be studied 
 with both French and English ; and, probably, 
 Piranesi's Grammar and Benelachi's Interlocu- 
 tore will be found among the most useful ele- 
 mentary works. De Porquet's are also excel- 
 lent. 
 
 It is not my purpose here to give a lesson in 
 Italian, therefore I have said enough on this 
 subject. I would only, in conclusion, remind 
 you, that until you can think in a language, 
 think your every-day thoughts in it, you are 
 not really acquainted with it.
 
 ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 81 
 
 Music, heavenly art ! is too universally stu- 
 died, and too much much discussed by those 
 whose knowledge, compared to mine, is like 
 the light of the sun contrasted with a tallow 
 candle, to need much notice from me. It is fre- 
 quently, however, less pleasing in general society 
 than it ought to be; not because girls knowmusic, 
 but because they are ignorant of the rules of 
 common sense. 
 
 Pretension, in this as in everything into which 
 it enters, destroys all beauty and distorts every 
 grace. A girl who has made music only one part 
 of her education will attempt in a drawing room 
 to perform some impossibility of Liszt, or sing 
 one of Grisi's most trying airs in Norma, 
 because it is fashionable, without the smallest 
 regard to her own capabilities, or the compari- 
 sons which Mrs. Malaprop would decide to be 
 " odorous." And, of course A every one feels 
 that she fails and her best friends do not desire 
 she should do otherwise ; for who would wish a 
 wife or a daughter, moving in private society, 
 to have attained such excellence in music as 
 involves a life's devotion to it.
 
 82 ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 
 
 Now, were a young lady to play and sing 
 only that which she could sing and play well, 
 how much more pleasure would she give : and 
 were she also to comply at once, modestly and 
 gracefully, with the request that she would do 
 so, her good taste and sense would be appre- 
 ciated far more highly than, probably, her skill 
 in music ever will be. 
 
 Another thing I would recommend, is to take 
 few lessons from a good master rather than treble 
 the number froma second-rate person. Depend 
 upon it, a great name is seldom gained unde- 
 servedly. There is some intrinsic worth to sanc- 
 tion it. Therefore a dozen lessons from such a 
 man as Henry Smart will be more profitable than 
 a year's instruction from a less gifted teacher. 
 
 When unable or unwilling to continue to take 
 lessons, musical exercises should be very assidu- 
 ously practised. Herz' and Czerny's are excel- 
 lent; but in some respects, perhaps, Bertini's 
 are still better adapted for advanced pupils. 
 Great care should be taken to exercise the left 
 hand, in the use of which English performers 
 are sometimes considered deficient.
 
 ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 83 
 
 Finally, whatever we may attempt in the way 
 of accomplishment, let us aim at doing it tho- 
 roughly. Languages, especially, have a use 
 beyond that of mere personal amusement, or 
 even benefit. A knowledge of their respective 
 languages draws nations together in a way which 
 nothing else can do. At this moment we are 
 experiencing the beneficial effects to the whole 
 of the two greatest nations in the world, from 
 the mutual knowledge of each other and of each 
 other's language they have acquired within the 
 last few years. And perhaps it is not unreason- 
 able to hope, that as the confusion of tongues 
 separated the one family of mankind into many 
 peoples, so an increasing acquaintance with the 
 language of others may bring about that re- 
 union which will cause "wars to cease in all 
 the earth."
 
 84 
 
 CHAP. V. 
 
 CHARITY. 
 
 " Nay, this was kind of you. He had no claim, 
 As the world says. 
 
 None but the very same 
 As I on all mankind, were I as he 
 Fallen to such deep reverse." SHELLEY. 
 
 UPON no virtue is so high an eulogium passed 
 in the whole Bible as upon CHARITY ; and as- 
 suredly there is none which confers so much and 
 such general happiness in the exercise. Indeed 
 the whole scope of religion, which teaches us 
 to live for others rather than for ourselves, has 
 for its object the diffusion of happiness through- 
 out the world. To be in charity with all men, 
 is, we are taught, the perfection of our duty to 
 our neighbour, and to women, of whatever 
 creed or country, the duties of charity are es- 
 pecially devolved; whilst for a girl to confess 
 herself deficient in that virtue would almost be
 
 CHARITY. 85 
 
 I 
 
 to acknowledge herself unworthy of the name 
 of woman. 
 
 In what then does charity consist? Not 
 only in almsgiving, or many thousands would 
 be almost deprived of the power of exercising 
 this virtue? What charity is not, as well as 
 what it is, we may gather from that beautiful 
 chapter, the 13th of 1st Corinthians, in which 
 we learn that we may bestow all our goods to 
 feed the poor, and even give our body to be 
 burned, without possessing true charity. 
 
 In the exercise of benevolence, the motive is 
 that by which our conduct will be estimated. 
 If we endeavour to relieve the poor around 
 us, because they are Christ's legacy to us, our 
 exertions cannot fail to be productive of good. 
 If, on the other hand, it is ' 'to be seen of men," 
 we shall have the reward we seek in the appro- 
 bation of our fellow mortals ; but He who looks 
 into the heart will estimate our conduct very 
 differently. 
 
 Of the duty of aiding the less fortunate 
 around us, there will not, however, be two opi- 
 nions. It is so clearly the destiny of woman, 
 
 I
 
 86 CHARITY. 
 
 that she can hardly be said to live at all who 
 lives for herself alone. The only question is, 
 how shall the most good be effected, especially 
 by girls with limited purses ? 
 
 Before entering on this question, suffer me to 
 exhort you, in this, as in all else, to be honest. 
 If you give, give that which is really your own, 
 and do not seek to induce your parents to in- 
 demnify you for such expenses. If you have 
 little money to bestow, some portion of your 
 time may surely be devoted to the welfare of 
 your fellow-creatures, and this, with very little 
 money, will go a long way. But the charity 
 which involves no self-sacrifice is unworthy of 
 the name. "I tell you," says our Saviour, 
 " that this poor widow hath cast more in than 
 all they which have cast into the treasury : for 
 all they did cast in of their abundance ; but she 
 of her want did cast in all that she had, even all 
 her living." 
 
 Like every other act, to be beneficial, benevo- 
 lence must be begun and carried out on prin- 
 ciple; with a view to improving, as much as 
 possible, the position of those we would aid.
 
 CHARITY. 87 
 
 And the first thing I would suggest is that our 
 own poor have claims on us which should be 
 attended to before we embark in the somewhat 
 dubious undertaking of providing "flannel waist- 
 coats and moral pocket-handkerchiefs" for the 
 negroes. It is all very well to aid distant mis- 
 sions if we have abundance of leisure, money, 
 or opportunity to ascertain that funds so col- 
 lected are properly applied; but charity begins 
 at home in our own immediate neighbourhood 
 among the poor whose wants we really can 
 discern to be genuine in the thousand cases 
 which war and sickness have left to our aid. 
 
 If our means are limited, it will perhaps be 
 best to decide what class has the most claim on 
 us, and to direct our principal energies to it, 
 not excluding, however, any pressing case from 
 any other quarter. To those who have friends 
 in the army whether they have cause to 
 tremble at every despatch, lest some near and 
 dear one has become a victim to war, or they 
 have reason to rejoice that those they love are 
 not in the post of danger to all connected with 
 the army, the wives and children of the soldiers
 
 88 CHARITY. 
 
 must be fit objects for aid ; clothes are wanted 
 for young children and sick women, and money 
 to support them in the men's absence. No 
 charity can be more legitimate than this. Resi- 
 dents in a village, too, have opportunities of 
 knowing personally the wants and position of 
 every inhabitant ; and in all parts, district visit- 
 ing, properly conducted, is a most valuable 
 auxiliary. 
 
 The first consideration of all who attempt to 
 aid the poor should be how they can do so 
 without either giving offence or destroying the 
 honourable feeling of independence. To enable 
 a man to help himself should be the aim of any 
 assistance given ; for Alms degrade the receiver 
 to the condition of a pauper, whilst Work, of any 
 kind, ennobles him. This feeling is so inherent 
 in our poorer classes, that thousands will undergo 
 the most pressing want before they will enter 
 the workhouse. Advantage should be taken of 
 this almost universal sentiment, to endeavour to 
 provide work in seasons of distress ; and if we 
 give, let our giving take the form of a little 
 more than the current rate of payment, rather
 
 CHARITY. 89 
 
 than a direct donation. In the same way, sew- 
 ing or knitting of some useful kind might be 
 given to the women ; and a young lady might 
 be most beneficially employed in teaching the 
 poor children some easy work, and afterwards 
 giving them employment. Gifts of cast-off 
 clothes too frequently are almost valueless to 
 poor people, because they do not know how to 
 make the best of them. The donor should then 
 be able to show a poor woman the best way of 
 turning the garment to account. Her superior 
 education, and ready access to books of informa- 
 tion, should enable her to know how the old 
 coat may be made still to look respectable ; how 
 the faded bonnet may be made tidy ; how the 
 scanty week's wages may be economized so as 
 to go far ; how the sick child may best be tended 
 and amused. Bat whatever information she 
 may be able to impart, she must do it without 
 ostentation or arrogance ; and, indeed, the more 
 we know of the real goodness and charity of the 
 poor towards each other, as well as of the won- 
 ders they effect with their small means, the 
 more humble will be our views of ourselves. 
 
 i 2
 
 90 CHARITY. 
 
 She who would do good, therefore, in her 
 ministrations among the poor, must show a 
 genuine sympathy with them. Evince pleasure 
 at every effort at neatness and taste ; but refrain 
 from any approach to impertinent curiosity or 
 fault-finding. As a friend as one sincerely 
 interested in their welfare the poor will gladly 
 receive you ; but the house of an Englishman 
 be it palace or hut is his castle, and no one 
 likes another to intrude merely to see the naked- 
 ness of the land. 
 
 Teaching in Sunday and sewing schools are 
 most appropriate occupations for young women ; 
 and they should be strenuous and intelligent 
 missionaries in the cause of all those Provident 
 Societies which now afford facilities to the work- 
 ing classes to lay by a portion of their savings. 
 " If every one belonged to an insurance office," 
 says an eminent philanthropist, "we should 
 have no workhouses." It is a fact, that more 
 poverty is caused by improvidence (and is there- 
 fore avoidable) than by any direct visitation of 
 Providence. 
 
 Only lately, during the awful raging of
 
 CHARITY. 91 
 
 cholera, a case in point presented itself. A 
 poor man died suddenly, leaving behind him 
 six helpless children and a wife, and not a far- 
 thing in the way of provision but the week's 
 wages in his pocket when he died ; and yet he 
 had earned good wages more than many a 
 curate has, and he had the custom of giving 
 each of his children twopence every Saturday 
 night. What would that poor twopence have 
 done ? Why, it would, if invested in an insu- 
 rance office, have secured at least 1001. to the 
 bereaved family ! And this poor father loved his 
 children, and would have made any sacrifice for 
 their welfare, but he did not know how to put 
 his income to the best account. Had any kind 
 visitor suggested the saving of these twopences, 
 and pointed out the benefit to be derived from 
 them, what thankfulness would the parent have 
 felt in his dying hour, to think his children were 
 not left destitute. 
 
 Believe me, the plans for insurance have only 
 to be known, and the benefits understood, for 
 them to become of universal application. Hea- 
 ven helps those who help themselves ; and if
 
 92 CHARITY. 
 
 young ladies would but acquaint themselves with 
 the details and practical working of these mat- 
 ters, and promulgate the knowledge among their 
 poorer neighbours not forgetting that " exam- 
 ple draws where precept fails," they would be 
 the greatest philanthropists, the most practical 
 improvers that society has ever been blessed with. 
 The sick and suffering have ever peculiar 
 claims on the tenderness of woman. Whilst 
 urging all to provide, by their own exertions, for 
 the day of sorrow and affliction, we are in the 
 interim bound to do our utmost to succour those 
 who are in trouble. Here the visitor's field of 
 exertion is a wide one ; and she needs much dis- 
 cretion and good sense to become really the 
 friend the suffering poor need. But let her not 
 imagine that while she is bestowing such com- 
 forts as the invalid requires, or reading a chapter 
 to her who is unable to read for herself, that the 
 good done is not quite mutual. How many a 
 young girl has learned, in the humble cottage, 
 lessons of patience and resignation, aye, and true 
 wisdom also, for which she will be a better 
 woman all her life.
 
 CHARITY. 93 
 
 And we need to know the poor in their own 
 homes to appreciate their many good and ster- 
 ling qualities, their genuine and unselfish sym- 
 pathy with each other in the hour of trial, the 
 true benevolence that so often characterizes 
 them. If they are improvident, they are not 
 alone in their error ; but for it they have excuses 
 the educated portion of society do not possess. 
 Let every lady therefore, who visits among the 
 poor, strive to enlighten them on all great social 
 questions, most especially on all connected with 
 forethought and providence. 
 
 The question of casual almsgiving is one that 
 is much discussed ; and undoubtedly it is open 
 to much abuse. Are we then to shut up our 
 purses altogether, because we may be deceived ? 
 Certainly not ; but in lieu of relieving casual beg- 
 gars, and so adding, as you almost certainly will 
 do, to the labours of the police, it will be better 
 to confide a sum to the discriminating clergy- 
 man or magistrate, before whom cases of real 
 hardship are sure to come. But whilst avoiding 
 the encouragement of impostors, beware of hard- 
 ening your heart to real distress. There are
 
 94 CHARITY. 
 
 some cases of trouble about the genuineness of 
 which there can be no mistake. Let not such 
 be met by the reply, " I never give to beggars." 
 Better be deceived a dozen times than once 
 suffer a case of real distress to pass unaided. I 
 remember hearing an anecdote of one of the 
 kindest-hearted beings that ever lived, who, 
 walking in his brother's park, was accosted by 
 a poor emaciated woman. Mr. S. gave her 
 half-a-crown ; his brother, the baronet, a penny, 
 saying, " Charles ! Charles ! what will you come 
 to?" "Many strange things, I dare say; but 
 never to being a poor woman with a sick child 
 on my back." 
 
 Whilst on the subject of charity, I cannot 
 too strongly reprobate the practice of giving 
 away, under this pretence, such articles of cast- 
 off dress as cannot with propriety be worn by 
 the recipient. Many a poor girl may trace her 
 ruin to the love of finery first imbibed by a pre- 
 sent of a cast-off ball-dress or gay bonnet from 
 a young lady. Whatever part of your own 
 wardrobe is suitable for them often forms an 
 acceptable present to servants, or, altered and
 
 CHARITY. 95 
 
 mended, to the poor ; but in giving them that 
 which is not fit for them to wear, we inflict an 
 injury as cruel as is in a woman's power. 
 
 And whilst making every effort to aid our 
 fellow-creatures in every tangible way, let not 
 the gentle looks, the consoling words, the evi- 
 dences of human sympathy, be wanting. If she 
 gives twice who gives quickly, she who gives 
 with womanly gentleness and tenderness may be 
 said to do the same. 
 
 " The quality of mercy is not strained : 
 It droppeth, as the gentle rain from heaven 
 Upon the place beneath. It is twice bless'd : 
 It blesseth him that gives and him that takes : 
 'Tis mightiest in the mightiest. It becomes 
 The throned monarch better than his crown j 
 And earthly men the likest Gods appear 
 When mercy seasons justice."
 
 96 
 
 CHAP. VI. 
 
 THE HEALTH. 
 
 " Cleanliness is next to godliness." OLD PEOVEEB. 
 
 "WE are fearfully and wonderfully made/' is 
 the reflection of the Psalmist; and the most 
 cursory examination of the human frame will 
 show us the truth of the observation. We can- 
 not consider any part of the mortal habitation 
 of our immortal souls without wondering at and 
 admiring the marvellous adaptation of each part 
 to the use for which it is designed, and to its 
 connection with all the others. Look at the 
 contrivances for protecting that delicate and 
 invaluable member, the eye, from any accidental 
 injury : the overhanging brow, which forms a 
 pent-house over it ; the eyelashes, which them- 
 selves receive any particles of dust that might 
 otherwise hurt it ; and let us watch the rapid
 
 THE HEALTH. 97 
 
 and involuntary movement by which the lids 
 instantaneously close on the approach of danger ; 
 and we need not go any further in our investi- 
 gations to be assured that nothing less wise than 
 Infinite Wisdom has planned every part of our 
 bodies, and adapted all so as to combine the 
 utmost perfection. 
 
 And since every peculiarity in the human 
 frame is destined for some wise purpose; and 
 every fibre, vein, and muscle has its own parti- 
 cular office; we may be well assured that we 
 cannot neglect any part, or prevent it from per- 
 forming its own duties, without serious injury to 
 the whole ; without, in fact, deteriorating or 
 destroying our health one of the most precious 
 gifts of a beneficent Creator. 
 
 "But we cannot prevent illness. It is an 
 affliction sent from the hand of God, and all we 
 can do is to bear it patiently " This is the 
 argument both of persons and nations ; and the 
 former neglect the means of preserving their 
 individual health, while nations defer to employ, 
 or utterly ignore those sanitary reforms which 
 would certainly save the lives of thousands every 
 
 K
 
 98 THE HEALTH. 
 
 year. The fact is, we lose health as we do many 
 other blessings ; not because it is the will of the 
 Almighty, but because it is our own. We are 
 far too fond of throwing on a higher power the 
 responsibility of our own acts of indolence or of 
 sin. 
 
 Take the case of the father of a family, who 
 knows that his income dies with him, and that 
 only by insuring his life can he secure his family 
 from want after his death. Does he do so? 
 Not at all. He is willing to " trust to Provi- 
 dence;" but he is not willing to make the 
 smallest personal sacrifice for the sake of those 
 he loves. So some day he dies, and his chil- 
 dren are left in poverty ; and perhaps an appeal 
 is made to the charity of the public for those 
 who should have been comfortably provided for, 
 had the parent used the means God placed 
 within his reach for saving them. 
 
 So, each time that the cholera has visited our 
 shores, it has slain the greatest number of vic- 
 tims where there has been a want of pure air 
 and water, and where the people and their habi- 
 tations are deficient in cleanliness; and it is
 
 THE HEALTH. 99 
 
 ascertained, beyond the shadow of doubt, that 
 wherever cleanliness has taken the place of dirt, 
 the pestilence has lost its power. Shall we, then, 
 call our indolent neglect of proper precautions 
 by the name of " submission to the will of 
 God?" Certainly not. It is our criminal neg- 
 ligence which causes the destruction we almost 
 invite. 
 
 Again, a young girl exposes herself to vio- 
 lent vicissitudes of temperature, and goes out on 
 a wet day with thin boots and fine stockings, 
 and she gets a cold and is laid up on a sick bed. 
 Or she laces so tightly that every part of the 
 body is out of order her lungs have no room to 
 receive air her heart is so cramped it cannot 
 beat properly her stomach is squeezed into 
 such dimensions that no part of its offices are 
 properly performed, and she becomes consump- 
 tive or dyspeptic ; or she allows the perspira- 
 tion to accumulate on her skin till all the deli- 
 cate pores are choked up, and fever supervenes. 
 But if, from any of these causes, she becomes a 
 confirmed invalid, let her not think that this 
 sickness was inevitable, but rather conclude that
 
 100 THE HEALTH. 
 
 it is the punishment of her neglect of those con- 
 ditions of health which the Almighty intends we 
 should employ. 
 
 I have enumerated these common instances 
 of evils in our own power to avert, to impress 
 on you the truth, that Heaven helps those who 
 help themselves; let blessings be scattered as 
 thickly in our path as the manna was of old in 
 the camp of the Israelites, it is still our own 
 hand that must gather them around us. Nor 
 does this in any way alter the great truth,, that 
 all blessings come from Heaven ; since the means 
 to obtain them are put into our own hands. 
 
 The principal conditions requisite for the 
 maintaining the body in health and strength, 
 are Cleanliness, Exercise, and suitable Food and 
 Dress. 
 
 CLEANLINESS. Personal purity is so essen- 
 tial to a refined woman, that it is wonderful it 
 should not be more thoroughly and universally 
 practised than it is. A lady would be shocked 
 to be seen with dirty face or soiled hands ; but it 
 does not strike her that every part of the skin 
 equally needs ablution. The reason of this is,
 
 THE HEALTH. 101 
 
 that all the surface of the skin, from the sole of 
 the foot to the crown of the head, is so covered 
 with the pores, through which all the waste or 
 injurious particles of the body are thrown off in 
 the form of insensible perspiration, that a pin's 
 point cannot be run in anywhere without touch- 
 ing one. When these pores are choked up, from 
 want of cleanliness, fever and many other dis- 
 eases are liable to ensue. Hence the necessity, 
 in which all medical men agree, for every part of 
 the person to be thoroughly sponged over once 
 every day. No bed-room should be without the 
 means for doing this, if a large bath cannot be 
 had. A sponge of the coarse sort called honey- 
 comb is better than a fine one, as it holds more 
 water, and almost can be used for a shower bath. 
 Cold water gives a far more invigorating bath 
 than tepid ; but those who are not very early 
 inured to it must begin it cautiously. The feet 
 should never be set in cold water before the face, 
 neck, and upper part of the body have been well 
 sponged with the same. But some constitutions 
 can never bear the shock of cold water, and then 
 tepid must be used. In both cases, a healthy glow 
 
 K2
 
 102 THE HEALTH. 
 
 must be produced by friction with a coarse rough 
 towel, or a flesh-brush. A little spirits of wine 
 thrown into cold water, the first morning or 
 two, will generally prevent the bather from tak- 
 ing cold. 
 
 The hands, nails, and teeth must always be 
 carefully attended to. The teeth demand the 
 greatest care, and should be washed after every 
 meal, as well as the last thing at night. Pure 
 cold or tepid water is said to be the best thing 
 in a general way, with a little charcoal or white 
 soap occasionally. But, after being for years a 
 martyr to toothache, I never had an attack 
 after using regularly Cooper's Antiseptic Carra- 
 tion Tooth-paste. 
 
 My freedom from that " hell of all diseases " 
 might not be the effect of the dentifrice ; but the 
 coincidence is singular. 
 
 A visit should be paid to a dentist once every 
 six months. 
 
 Nothing adds so much to the charm of a wo- 
 man's appearance as fine hair; and the most 
 beautiful will be spoiled by neglect. It should 
 be thoroughly brushed every night, and washed
 
 THE HEALTH. 103 
 
 occasionally with soft water and the yolk of 
 eggs, which has all the cleansing power of soap 
 without its harshness. Those who wear curls 
 should never roll the hair in stiff paper of any 
 sort, and especially not in newspapers, as the 
 roughness breaks the hair. The ends should be 
 cut every fortnight. 
 
 Great care should be taken of the nails. Those 
 of the feet require even more than the finger- 
 nails, as they are liable to grow in with the 
 pressure of boots, and to cause serious incon- 
 venience : they should be pared away at the 
 sides, and those of the hands allowed to form a 
 point in the centre. The skin should be care- 
 fully rubbed back to give the nail the long 
 almond-like form which is thought so great a 
 beauty : this should be done every time they are 
 washed. 
 
 EXERCISE is another essential condition to 
 health, as well as to the proper development of 
 the powers. The word, as popularly used, im- 
 plies walking, which gives exercise to the legs 
 only. But it is not less desirable that the arms 
 should have free play, and this can only be done
 
 104- THE HEALTH. 
 
 by either calisthenics or by the simpler method 
 of doing some portion of the household work. 
 There is no better exercise in the world than 
 rubbing a table or a sideboard, or sweeping a 
 room ; and it is certain that half the young 
 ladies who are now reclining on the sofa in 
 delicate health, weary of themselves and almost 
 of life, would be far better and happier if they 
 took daily some portion of the household duties, 
 especially the active part of them. Every muscle 
 and limb would have its share of exertion, a 
 genial glow throughout the frame would be pro- 
 duced, and the general health would be certainly 
 improved. But, under whatever form, a certain 
 amount of exercise must be taken daily, to main- 
 tain the health ; and exercise in the open air is 
 not always practicable, besides that it does not 
 answer the purpose entirely. Whenever it does 
 not rain during the entire day, however, a walk 
 should be taken for at least an hour, with the 
 precaution of changing any damp clothes imme- 
 diately on re-entering the house, and carefully 
 wiping and rubbing the feet if they are at 
 all wet.
 
 THE HEALTH. 105 
 
 SUITABLE DRESS is another condition of 
 health. Clothing should be warm, light, and 
 comfortable. Woollen stockings should be worn 
 throughout the winter, and such boots as will 
 effectually preserve the feet from damp. Cloth 
 boots, however thick the soles, are unfit for wet 
 weather, as the ancles are sure to get wet, and 
 they remain a long time damp. By far the 
 most comfortable boots for wet weather are 
 Wellingtons, such as are worn by gentlemen ; 
 the thick leather protects the legs both from 
 wet and cold, and they are much more readily 
 taken off than those that button or lace. I 
 have known several ladies wear them through- 
 out the winter with great satisfaction, and 
 remember well the remark of a distinguished 
 medical man, when some jesting at the Wel- 
 lingtons was going on: "Ah, Mrs. is 
 
 an enemy to doctors ; she knows prevention is 
 easier than cure." Corns, which are such a 
 source of annoyance, are generally the result of 
 pressure on some part of the foot, which will 
 always be the case while boots and shoes are 
 purchased hap-hazard, like bonnets or gloves.
 
 106 THE HEALTH. 
 
 All boots should be made on a last expressly for 
 the wearer ; but of course this cannot be the 
 case when we do not deal regularly with one 
 tradesman. They should be amply long and 
 wide, so as to give the natural tread, which gene- 
 rally is about double the width of the French 
 sole. The popular notions of a beautiful foot 
 are extremely erroneous. It is thought desira- 
 ble the foot should be very narrow, and tapering 
 at the toe. Now, this is not the form in which 
 feet are made, consequently the modern boot is 
 calculated to produce deformity, and an un- 
 graceful carriage is the result. The only rational 
 bootmaker I ever saw always sketched the sole 
 on a bit of paper, making his customer stand 
 firmly without a shoe while doing so. Thus the 
 peculiar form of the foot was obtained, and the 
 boot was made to it, instead of the reverse, which 
 is usually the case. This very sensible and 
 artistic person was Mr. Dowie, in the Strand. 
 
 But the foot is not the only part of the frame 
 that we delight to deform. What shall we say 
 to the tight-lacing system, and the tortures 
 endured by its votaries? Dr. Todd says, " Even
 
 THE HEALTH. 107 
 
 Pharaoh only demanded bricks without straw 
 for a short time ; but the fashionable lady asks 
 to live without breathing for many years." At 
 the present day so much has been written against 
 the improper use of corsets that some of the 
 new generation do not wear stays at all : still 
 many thousands do; and young girls delight 
 to compress themselves until they attain that 
 height of their ambition, a small waist a de- 
 formity which not only detracts from the pleas- 
 ingness of their appearance, but also inevitably 
 destroys their health. Many sudden deaths 
 have occurred solely from tight-lacing ; but in 
 many more, nay in thousands of instances, such a 
 state of universal disease is produced by this 
 cause as ends, after long suffering, in premature 
 death. To describe a tithe of these cases would 
 be to fill a volume ; and, for the present, we 
 must content ourselves with admonition, the 
 more earnest because it is of vital importance to 
 every woman to be perfectly well-formed, not 
 only for her own sake, but also as it may greatly 
 affect her offspring. 
 
 Every medical man agrees that stays or cor-
 
 108 THE HEALTH. 
 
 sets, if worn at all, should be fastened in front, 
 and from the bottom instead of the top. They 
 should be amply large, especially across the 
 chest; soft, and without bones or shoulder- 
 straps. The object of lacing them from the bot- 
 tom instead of the top is, that by the former pro- 
 cess there is apt to be a pressure of the organs 
 downwards, displacing the viscera, and mate- 
 rially interfering with the process of digestion. 
 And we must not forget that a red nose and 
 flushed face are among the undesirable results 
 of this destructive practice. 
 
 Another common error in dress is to allow a 
 great weight to rest on the hips. No heavy 
 petticoats should be fastened round the waist 
 without a body or straps over the shoulders to 
 throw the weight on them ; but, indeed, light- 
 ness should be as much studied as warmth in 
 selecting articles of dress. To walk or take 
 other exercise in heavy clothes is to add enor- 
 mously to the fatigue. Nor must it be forgotten 
 that we catch cold more frequently from ex- 
 posing our back than our chest to draughts. 
 The lungs are attached to the spine, and arc
 
 THE HEALTH. 109 
 
 placed between the shoulders; hence the pain 
 in that spot when they are affected. But from 
 ignorance of this fact we protect our chests from 
 cold, but think the shoulders of no consequence. 
 Both parts ought to be covered with flannel. 
 
 It is well, however, not to acquire the habit of 
 coddling, as, in a climate so changeable as ours, 
 it is impossible wholly to escape draughts and 
 damp. The best safeguard is to strengthenthe 
 constitution as much as possible; and cold 
 spunging is almost a certain preventive of cold 
 catching. 
 
 FRESH AIR is another necessary of life and 
 health ; and instances have not been wanting, 
 even during the last few months, when sudden 
 death has arisen from breathing polluted air. 
 As soon as you rise from bed in the morning 
 you should throw off the whole of the bed- 
 clothes, and, after dressing, open the window 
 at the top and bottom, as well as the door, in 
 order that a thorough draught should air the 
 sheets and bed. In very damp weather, how- 
 ever, a fire and the open doors will be better 
 than having the window open too long. The 
 
 L
 
 110 THE HEALTH. 
 
 nightdress, also, should be thoroughly aired 
 after being taken off never folded up directly, 
 as is sometimes done. The same rule applies to 
 linen taken off at night, to be put on again in 
 the morning ; every article should be hung up 
 so as to be aired never folded up. There is no 
 necessity for untidiness if this rule is carried 
 out ; the room may look quite as orderly as if 
 every article was folded, and the advantage to 
 the health is incalculable. 
 
 Lastly, the greatest care should be taken to 
 have abundance of air while sleeping ; as much 
 is needed as during the waking hours, and as no 
 fresh air is admitted into the room by the casual 
 opening of doors, it is doubly imperative to get 
 all we can. To cover the mouth or any part of 
 the face with the bed-clothes is an act of suicide ; 
 it prevents the necessary supply of air reaching 
 the lungs, and inevitably produces disease. If 
 great cold is felt, it is better to wear a warmer 
 nightdress than to risk all the evils produced 
 by impure air reaching the lungs. If the mouth 
 is covered, the lungs can only inhale again the 
 same poisonous air they have already rejected,
 
 THE HEALTH. Ill 
 
 and the result is nothing more or less than 
 DEATH, as certain as if a dose of arsenic were 
 taken. 
 
 WHOLESOME FOOD, taken in proper quanti- 
 ties and at proper periods, is another essential 
 to health. It should be simple and nutritive, 
 and the meals should be from four to five hours 
 apart, the most substantial being taken in the 
 middle of the day. As to the quantity neces- 
 sary, as in most other things, habit is every- 
 thing, and a girl may learn to consume at each 
 meal as much as would be necessary for a hard- 
 working man ; but it does not follow that it is 
 desirable she should eat such quantities : on the 
 contrary, the more moderately she eats, the 
 better her health is likely to be, and the less her 
 mind will be dulled by the influence of the body. 
 Over-eating is more common than we are apt to 
 imagine ; perhaps ninety-nine out of every hun- 
 dred eat more than they can digest, and conse- 
 quently more than they want. No wonder so 
 many medical men are needed; half our ill- 
 nesses occur from causes which we can ourselves 
 prevent, and at least a quarter from over-eating.
 
 112 THE HEALTH. 
 
 All our food should be as simple as possible, 
 and it is never wise to eat of more than one or 
 two dishes at a meal. Supper is certainly a 
 sociable and pleasant meal, but is said to be 
 very unhealthy. No solid repast should be 
 taken within two hours of bedtime. All stimu- 
 lants, even strong tea and coffee, are injurious 
 to young persons ; and mueh sugar and butter 
 are very bad, causing bile, and upsetting the 
 stomach. As to sauces, the only one that a 
 young girl needs is a good appetite ; she can and 
 ought to dispense with all others. 
 
 And last, but not least of the essentials to 
 health, comes a CONTENTED MIND. Wonderful 
 as is the connection between soul and body, we 
 cannot indulge in any violent passion without 
 injuring our whole system; and anxiety will 
 tell upon the constitution and destroy the 
 strongest health. 
 
 Whilst doing our best, then, to avert all evils, 
 mental or bodily, from ourselves and those who 
 are dear to us, let us not be over " careful and 
 troubled ;" it is one thing to abandon all to a 
 blind reliance on Fate, and another to have a
 
 THE HEALTH. 113 
 
 firm and childlike confidence in the good provi- 
 dence of God. Sorrows and sickness will come 
 to all ; but if we have done our best to avert 
 them, we have no self-reproach to embitter us 
 in their endurance. To many a heart has that 
 exquisite song of " The Pilot" brought comfort 
 and hope in the hour of trial : 
 
 " ' It is not apathy,' he cried, 
 
 ' That bids me say to thee, 
 Fear not, but trust in Providence, 
 Wherever thou may'st be. 
 
 " 'Twas such a sea as this engulphed 
 
 My father's lifeless form ; 
 My only brother's boat went down 
 In just so wild a storm. 
 
 " And such, perhaps, may be my lot, 
 
 And still I'll say to thee, 
 Fear not, but trust in Providence 
 Wherever thou may'st be.' " 
 
 L 2
 
 114 
 
 CHAP. VII. 
 
 THE SICK ROOM. 
 
 " When pain and anguish wring the brow, 
 A ministering angel thou !" SCOTT. 
 
 " Hath she not soothed me, sick ? enriched me, poor ? 
 And banished grief and misery from my door ? 
 Hath she not cherished every moment's bliss, 
 And made an Eden of a world like this ? " 
 
 THE work that, whilst professing to counsel 
 young women, omitted all mention of the duties 
 of the sick room, would indeed be imperfect ; 
 for where is there to be found one of our sex so 
 isolated as never to be called upon to watch over 
 a suffering friend, or so robust that she is never 
 herself likely to be an unwilling captive on a 
 couch of pain ? 
 
 Surely there is no young girl who would will- 
 ingly depute to hirelings the care of a parent, 
 or a younger brother or sister, suffering from one 
 of the many maladies to which we all are liable ;
 
 THE SICK ROOM. 115 
 
 who would shrink, either in selfish fear or mor- 
 bid sentiment, from administering to the relief 
 of those she loved? But as it is possible that 
 some may be deterred from proffering their aid 
 from mistrust of their own powers of usefulness, 
 and as some also are doubtless so ignorant of the 
 duties of a nurse as to be rather a hindrance 
 than a help, I will just give a few directions 
 concerning the most obvious duties of those 
 who are engaged in attending an invalid. 
 
 But let me first remark, that those who would 
 leave a suffering parent or friend to the care of 
 a professional nurse, under the idea that her 
 services would be more welcome because she is 
 more skilful than themselves, little know or guess 
 the blessings which they thus voluntarily forego ; 
 for who can estimate the increase of affection 
 which will be lavished on the dutiful daughter 
 who has been her father's faithful nurse during 
 a long illness ? Who can tell how the remem- 
 brance of a kind and loving sister, soothing and 
 amusing him during a childish illness, may re- 
 turn to the heart of some prodigal brother, and 
 recall him to his duty and his home ? Who can
 
 116 THE SICK ROOM. 
 
 tell how many bonds of family union, that would 
 otherwise have been snapped asunder in the 
 wear and turmoil and conflicting interests of the 
 world, are riveted yet more strongly by the 
 tender sympathy and patient love which the 
 suffering of some members have elicited from 
 the others? And oh, never forget that af- 
 fection and the desire to please will atone 
 much for the want of skill ; that your father 
 and mother will receive your imperfect service 
 with a sentiment of joy which can only be com- 
 prehended by you when you yourselves are pa- 
 rents. Then indeed, if not before, you will 
 learn how the severest pain of which mortals 
 are susceptible is assuaged, if not removed, by 
 the tender and gentle ministering of a beloved 
 child ; that never more than in periods of bodily 
 suffering do we recognise the truth, that 
 
 " Love is still the lord of all j " 
 
 for that wealth and luxury, great as is their 
 power, are as nothing in soothing the agony of 
 suffering, compared to the gentle voice of one 
 we love, and the kind and patient watching of
 
 THE SICK ROOM. 117 
 
 those to whom we feel ourselves to be en- 
 deared. 
 
 But as it is desirable not only to possess the 
 earne&t wish to aid the sufferings, but also to 
 know how best to do so, a little friendly advice 
 as to the duties of the sick room may fairly be 
 considered as an essential part of the guide. The 
 qualities which every good nurse must especially 
 possess are, CONSCIENTIOUSNESS, GENTLENESS, 
 FIRMNESS, GOOD SENSE, and GOOD TEMPER. 
 
 First, undoubtedly, comes CONSCIENTIOUS- 
 NESS, by which, in this instance, we imply a 
 rigid and truthful obedience to the orders of the 
 medical man, and the giving a careful account to 
 him of every symptom and of every incident con- 
 nected with the patient. It would seem almost un- 
 necessary to insist upon the propriety of obeying 
 the orders of the doctor, did we not daily see in- 
 stances of the evasion of them. One would think 
 that it followed as a matter of course, on calling in 
 a medical practitioner, that, after giving such a 
 proof of confidence in his skill, we should impli- 
 citly carry out all his wishes ; but probably every 
 member of the profession could relate instances of
 
 118 THE SICK ROOM. 
 
 a patient's life being endangered, if not sacrificed, 
 by the obstinacy of the sufferer or the neglect of 
 the nurse. The guardian of a sick room, there- 
 fore, should not only rigidly obey orders her- 
 self, but she should insist on the obedience of 
 others, and esteem it a part of her duty to ac- 
 quaint the medical attendant with any violation 
 of his rules. She should be careful to inform 
 herself what diet is proper for the patient, and 
 at what intervals it should be taken, as well as 
 with regard to medicines and every other mat- 
 ter. Every symptom should be carefully noted, 
 and related at the next visit of the doctor. It 
 may or may not be important : of that you are 
 not required to be a judge ; your duty is simply 
 to be as a hand or an eye for him during his 
 absence, observing everything, and following his 
 orders in all matters, large or small. To do this, 
 and yet to be welcome to a patient who is 
 perhaps rendered irritable and self-willed by 
 severe suffering, how much is needed of two 
 other qualities we have named GENTLENESS and 
 FIRMNESS. Gentleness indeed can hardly be 
 sufficiently extolled in a nurse : like charity, its
 
 THE SICK ROOM. 119 
 
 twin sister, it covers a multitude of sins. A low 
 sweet voice, always " an excellent thing in wo- 
 man," is doubly so when the brain is racked by 
 suffering, and the hearing rendered unusually 
 acute by disease ; at such a time a harsh loud 
 tone is quite inexcusable. Some women, how- 
 ever, in their anxiety to avoid noise, make a 
 practice of whispering all their communications 
 with others in a sick room, which is very fre- 
 quently more injurious, as it is more exciting 
 to the nerves than the loudest ordinary voice. 
 Every sort of noise should be avoided with equal 
 care. Quietness is almost invariably one of the 
 conditions of restoration to health, and in ner- 
 vous diseases especially the crumpling of a piece 
 of paper, the banging of a door, or the throwing 
 of coals on the fire will be sufficient to increase 
 the previous fever and excitement to an alarm- 
 ing degree. Everything necessary should there- 
 fore be done with the utmost quietness, and 
 no precaution be spared that will prevent the 
 carelessness or skill-lessness of others from injur- 
 ing our charge. All bustle and fuss should be 
 avoided, and such forethought exercised in con-
 
 120 THE SICK ROOM. 
 
 sidering what will be wanted, and what is done 
 with, that no unnecessary opening and shut- 
 ting of doors takes place. A little method in all 
 these matters will diminish your own fatigue 
 and that of the servants, and save much annoy- 
 ance to the patient. But if gentleness be requi- 
 site in movement, how much more so is it in all 
 our intercourse with the sick ! The soothing 
 tone, the look of affection, the indulgence of any 
 harmless whim are quite compatible with the 
 utmost firmness in obeying orders and causing 
 them to be obeyed. Whoever is placed near a 
 sick couch will almost certainly encounter much 
 waywardness and petulance, and perhaps at times 
 some injustice; this must not only be borne, 
 but it must be borne as if there were nothing to 
 bear. To display any petulance in return would 
 be to show yourself utterly unfit to be a nurse ; 
 to attempt to appear magnanimous to act as 
 if there were something to forgive would pro- 
 bably wound one already suffering self-reproach 
 for the impatient word which has wounded you. 
 A generous heart must be already deeply grieved 
 by having suffered even severe bodily pain to
 
 THE SICK ROOM. 121 
 
 extort an unkind or an ungrateful word j and if, 
 whatever the lips may express, the heart is not 
 touched by kindness during illness, any parade 
 of forgiveness would be worse than useless. 
 
 Nor must we forget that our duty is in no 
 way affected by the waywardness and irritability 
 of our charge, whatever our comfort may be. 
 To do all in our power to lighten the sufferings 
 of the patient, and contribute in every way to 
 his restoration to health, is the obvious duty of 
 a nurse. To lead the thoughts, therefore, to 
 cheerful subjects, to draw the attention from 
 present suffering, to inculcate cheerful submis- 
 sion to the will of the Almighty, and trust and 
 faith in his love, are duties almost more impera- 
 tive than any others in those who watch by the 
 sick. But if we do not feel these sentiments 
 ourselves, how shall we impart them to others ? 
 If we ourselves have no stay, no truth, no con- 
 fidence in our heavenly Father, words of conso- 
 lation from our lips will be but as "sounding 
 brass or a tinkling cymbal." Sad indeed is it 
 if the hour of pain and suffering is the first in 
 which we begin to think of the future ; for it is 
 
 M
 
 122 THE SICK ROOM. 
 
 an hour when we see so clearly through all fal- 
 lacies, that nothing less pure and true than 
 Eternal Truth itself can satisfy our minds. At 
 such a time, a knowledge of the Bible is of un- 
 speakable benefit ; and often the hymns and 
 pieces of sacred poetry learnt in the days of 
 childhood may be available to lighten and cheer 
 the dreary hours of suffering. This should 
 always be a motive for acquiring and retaining 
 a store of such things, since there are often 
 times when to read is impracticable, both to 
 patient and nurse, and when the recital of a 
 few verses, or a hymn, may be an unspeakable 
 benefit. 
 
 In all intercourse with the sick, good sense 
 will teach us to avoid any unnecessary irritation 
 of a mind already excited and enfeebled by 
 disease, and good temper will induce us to give 
 way to them in every point which does not 
 involve their well-being. Needlessly to oppose 
 the harmless fancy of a patient is an act of folly 
 as well as cruelty, and this is especially the case 
 when he is sufficiently convalescent to no longer 
 be a subject of great anxiety. How many are
 
 THE SICK ROOM. 123 
 
 retarded in their progress towards complete 
 recovery by the thoughtlessness of those about 
 them, or some foolish indulgence they have 
 been permitted. All medical men say that even 
 greater care is necessary during recovery from a 
 dangerous illness than whilst it is at its height ; 
 because, when we are conscious of danger, we 
 guard against it, but when we consider it as 
 passed, we forget that it may return. 
 
 The progress of science has taught us that 
 air and cleanliness are quite as necessary to 
 abate illness as to maintain health. Frequent 
 changes of linen and thorough ablution will 
 mitigate the severity of any feverish attack, 
 and contribute greatly to recovery. Vinegar 
 in tepid water, or a little eau- de-cologne thrown 
 into it, is most refreshing, besides lessening the 
 danger of cold. The same linen should never 
 be worn during a consecutive day and night, 
 unless in cases of extreme illness, when it is 
 dangerous to move the patient. Everything 
 in the way of linen should be thoroughly aired 
 and well warmed, so that no chill may be felt 
 on coming in contact with it.
 
 12-1 THE SICK ROOM. 
 
 Medicine should be given with the greatest 
 exactness; and as the capacities of spoons are 
 as various as those of people, those to be used 
 in measuring physic should be shown to the 
 medical man, that he may decide on the suita- 
 bility. 
 
 Never give medicine without looking at the 
 label, to see if it is right. I knew a fond mo- 
 ther who nearly sacrificed her favourite child 
 by giving him the wrong medicine in the dark. 
 It was only the utmost promptitude in obtaining 
 medical assistance which saved his life. 
 
 Beware of disturbing a patient from sleep, 
 even to take medicine, unless especially desired 
 to do so. For any other reason it is most im- 
 proper. Do not urge food or drink when na- 
 ture does not seem to require it, and beware of 
 irritating by an appearance of over-officiousness. 
 How many nurses, with the kindest intentions, 
 cause so much irritation to a patient that they 
 become almost odious ! They stand at the foot of 
 the bed, and perhaps lean on it while talking, and 
 shake at once the bed and the nerves of the suf- 
 ferer. They drop the to.;gs or poker, or throw the
 
 THE SICK ROOM. 125 
 
 coals on the fire with an energy which is excru- 
 ciating ; they bring up a little tea or gruel, and 
 it is slopped over the cloth, and the sickly appe- 
 tite is too much disgusted to remain. They 
 enter into some long story without noting the 
 weary eye, the contracted brow, the languor 
 which denotes fatigue, and then they wonder at 
 the impatience with which they are told not to 
 talk. 
 
 In all that appertains to a sick room, good 
 sense is one of the most essential qualities of a 
 nurse. 
 
 The excessive weariness of the limbs, arising 
 from long confinement to bed, may be greatly 
 alleviated by a few simple remedial measures, 
 seldom taken in this country even among the 
 affluent. Friction, judiciously employed, is one 
 of the most valuable, as it reduces swelling, 
 lessens cramp, and produces a delightful feeling 
 of refreshment. The palms of the hands should 
 be employed for this purpose, or the hands may 
 be tied in warm coarse flannel gloves. The 
 friction should always be upwards, not up and 
 down, as is generally practised ; it should con- 
 
 M 2
 
 126 THE SICK ROOM. 
 
 sist of a steady, even, and powerful, but not 
 violent pressure, in which the fingers have no 
 business at all, and may judiciously be accom- 
 panied by a sort of kneading of the fleshy parts 
 of the limbs, which greatly tends to restore the 
 circulation. 
 
 Friction so employed has the effect of almost 
 magically soothing a patient, and will often be 
 succeeded by a delightful sleep when all other 
 means to obtain it have failed. The way in 
 which our beds are made might often be altered 
 beneficially ; the blankets, &c., weigh too heavily 
 on the chest and impede the breathing, while 
 on the feet there is not a sufficient quantity. 
 A small round bolster, such as is used on a 
 couch, placed occasionally under the knees, will 
 be found a great relief. 
 
 The air of a sick room must be kept as fresh 
 as possible, and the temperature very even. All 
 disagreeable odours should be avoided ; eau-de- 
 cologne should be freely used, and chloride of 
 lime in water, placed in a shallow vessel on the 
 floor, and daily changed, will be useful in infec- 
 tious diseases.
 
 THE SICK ROOM. 127 
 
 One of the pleasantest and most powerful 
 deodorizers is coffee, freshly roasted and ground. 
 It is so refreshing that hardly any one would 
 object to its use. 
 
 Among the most obvious duties of a nurse is 
 to take care of herself. No experienced person 
 will fail to do this ; but it is not for the experi- 
 enced I am writing. To the loving daughter, 
 watching the couch of her parent, there appears 
 to be something almost magnanimous in self- 
 neglect, and if she have less good sense than, 
 good feeling, she will very probably abstain from 
 those precautions which will insure her own 
 continued health. But this is neither wise nor 
 good ; the more we think our services of value 
 to others, the more careful we should be to pre- 
 serve the power of rendering those services, and 
 this cannot be done if we debilitate ourselves. 
 In night-watching especially, we should be 
 careful to take a sufficiency of good plain food, 
 and to wrap ourselves up so as not to be injured 
 by the increased cold. We should also avail 
 ourselves of all the opportunity we have to rest, 
 by lying down undressed, not, if avoidable, with
 
 128 THE SICK ROOM. 
 
 clothes and corsets on. Bathing is as necessary 
 to a nurse as sleep. 
 
 In approaching the bed of a person suffering 
 from infectious disorders, we should be careful 
 not to stand so that we inhale the breath of the 
 sick person, nor should we begin our morning 
 duties on an empty stomach. Exercise in the 
 open air should always be taken, if possible ; and 
 all the conditions under which health is main- 
 tained in ordinary circumstances should be 
 doubly attended to when occupied as a nurse. 
 
 But it falls to the lot of woman to be the 
 sufferer as well as the soother of the sufferings 
 of others, and perhaps the most valuable lessons 
 of her life are learnt during such seasons of trial. 
 Whatever experience she may have as a nurse 
 may be turned to excellent profit when she is 
 herself dependent on the care of others. Has 
 her patience been tried by the obstinacy of a 
 patient who refused to submit to needful reme- 
 dies, she will certainly summon resolution 
 enough to avoid subjecting others to the same 
 trial; has she felt how thoughtlessly her rest 
 has been disturbed at the moment when she has
 
 THE SICK ROOM. 129 
 
 been disposing herself for a brief repose, by a 
 request for something which might just as well 
 have been furnished before, she will be careful to 
 have her wants supplied before her nurse pre- 
 pares for rest. She will try to suppress im- 
 patience, and to give as little trouble as possible, 
 and she will endeavour to exercise such self- 
 control that it will render the very tedious task 
 of her attendants almost a pleasure. 
 
 Very many trifling indispositions are converted 
 into serious illness by the nervous, irritable, na- 
 ture of the sufferers. A pleasant book, light 
 and sparing diet, and repose, will often avert 
 illness, by acting on the mind and nerves. At 
 any rate, they can do no harm; whilst ex- 
 citement, unusually dainty food, and gloomy 
 thoughts, are in themselves almost enough to 
 create disease. 
 
 Whilst all possible care, then, is taken of the 
 health, let us bend to the will of the Almighty 
 when sickness and suffering are apportioned to 
 us ; we may learn much from such seasons of 
 retirement from the world. Not only will the 
 fair face of Nature look more lovely than ever
 
 130 THE SICK ROOM. 
 
 when we are again permitted to behold it ; not 
 only shall we learn to prize more highly the 
 love and kindness of which we have been the 
 objects : but we shall have learnt more of our 
 own hearts ; we shall know better the errors of 
 our past life, and be able more completely to 
 correct those errors in future; we shall feel 
 more deeply the value of that life which God 
 has bestowed upon us, and have, it is to be 
 hoped, a more earnest desire that it should be 
 devoted to the happiness of our fellow-creatures. 
 
 In concluding the subject of the sick room, I 
 will give a few useful receipts for the preparation 
 of various necessaries for an invalid, and also 
 some observations regarding medicine. 
 
 The common way of taking any nauseous 
 preparation is to swallow it first, and then eat 
 something to take away the taste. It will be 
 found a better plan to chew a small bit of lemon 
 or orange peel previous to taking the medicine, 
 and then to wash out the mouth with a little 
 water.
 
 THE SICK ROOM. 131 
 
 Castor-oil is one of the safest medicines that 
 can be given ; and it would doubtless be used 
 more extensively but for the repugnance most 
 people have to it. I have, however, known 
 those who could not swallow it in any other 
 way take it without difficulty if prepared as 
 follows : 
 
 Put into an ordinary medicine bottle (not a 
 phial) the dose of oil that is to be taken. Set 
 half a teacupful of milk, with a bit of sugar, on 
 the fire in a saucepan, and boil it. When boil- 
 ing, pour it carefully into the bottle, cork it up 
 instantly, shake it well for two or three minutes, 
 and pour it out at once. If taken immediately, 
 very little taste will be observed. A drop or 
 two of essence of cinnamon may be added. 
 
 Medicines that are to be given in drops must 
 be measured most carefully. To enable you to 
 do this, wet a small portion of the edge of the 
 phial with the cork, and hold it so that the 
 drops may fall over the damp part. If you have 
 the least doubt about your own accuracy repeat 
 the process, as a single drop, more or less, of 
 certain medicines may be injurious. To give
 
 132 THE SICK ROOM. 
 
 precisely the proper dose, at precisely the proper 
 period, is a part of the conscientiousness which 
 you are bound to practise. 
 . If you are yourself ill, do not increase your 
 own suffering, and the difficulties of those in 
 attendance on you, by hesitating to submit to 
 whatever treatment is deemed necessary. If 
 you take medicine promptly, instead of looking 
 at it and inhaling its odour, it will be far less 
 nauseous as well as more beneficial. 
 
 The food taken by invalids should be as deli- 
 cately served as possible. A clean cloth, delicate 
 china, and bright spoons, will make the plainest 
 fare palatable. Generally speaking, sweets nau- 
 seate a sick person, and tea and coffee, from 
 being so frequently taken, become absolutely 
 odious. I have known a very simple drink 
 greatly relished under such circumstances by 
 the patient, and also approved by the doctor. 
 It is simply good milk mixed with a larger or 
 smaller proportion of hot water, and a pinch 
 of salt. 
 
 TOAST AND WATER should be made with a 
 small square lump of bread, held at first at a
 
 THE SICK ROOM. 133 
 
 considerable distance from the fire, and after- 
 wards more closely, until it is thoroughly dried 
 through and browned to a dark brown (but 
 without a shade of black) on the outside. Put 
 it into a jug, pour over it a quart of boiling 
 water, and cover it closely until cold; then 
 strain it into another jug. 
 
 DRY TOAST, being more wholesome than 
 bread, is generally given to an invalid. It 
 should be made very carefully, thus : Cut the 
 bread evenly, and without crust, half an inch 
 thick. Hold it at some little distance from the 
 fire until it is warmed through, not keeping it 
 still, but turning it slowly round, so that every 
 part shall be equally toasted. When done put 
 it in a toast- rack. Never lay toast flat on a 
 plate, as it becomes leathery. 
 
 BROTH, when intended to be very strength- 
 ening, should be made with as small a quantity 
 of water as possible, and with more than one 
 kind of meat. One pound of beef and one 
 pound of veal, slowly stewed together, will make 
 soup of a more nourishing nature than the same 
 quantity of one kind of flesh only would produce.
 
 134 THE SICK ROOM. 
 
 Spices and condiments of an exciting kind are 
 not considered good for invalids. When a great 
 amount of nourishment has to be given in very 
 small compass, jug-broth may be made. Put a 
 pound of lean beef or mutton, cut in small 
 pieces, or a chicken cut up, into a close earthen 
 jar, with a single cupful of water. Tie a thick 
 paper over the top, and set it into a saucepan of 
 water to stew. The water should be cold when 
 the jar is put in, and allowed to boil very gradu- 
 ally at the fireside. The broth thus made may 
 be salted to taste, and a single spoonful will 
 contain considerable nutriment. 
 
 BARLEY CREAM is one of the nicest luncheons 
 possible for an invalid. Take two pounds of 
 lean veal, and a quarter of a pound of the best 
 pearl barley ; boil these together very slowly in 
 a quart of water, until they become of the con- 
 sistence of cream ; strain through a fine sieve, 
 and add a little salt. Beef may be used instead 
 of veal. 
 
 Barley water, lemonade, and many other nice 
 drinks, are suitable for invalids. Sainsbury's 
 fruit essences, mixed with plain or aerated
 
 THE SICK ROOM. 135 
 
 waters, are very delicious to patients who suffer 
 from thirst and fever. Soyer*s "Modern 
 Housewife" contains admirable recipes for 
 " comforts for invalids."
 
 136 
 
 CHAP. VIII. 
 
 DRESS. 
 
 " Rich be your habit as your purse can buy, 
 
 But not expressed in fancy. Neat, but not gaudy, 
 For the apparel oft proclaims the man." 
 
 HAD Shakspeare been writing of our sex in- 
 stead of his own, he might, with very great 
 propriety, have left out the little adverb, which, 
 in some degree, limits the axiom he has enunci- 
 ated ; for not often, but invariably, the apparel 
 of a woman who has the power of selecting her 
 own may be taken as a criterion of her charac- 
 ter. In some instances this may seem a harsh 
 judgment ; for there are women who affect to 
 think dress a matter of no consequence, and 
 who make this indifference an excuse for any 
 defect in their attire. But even here, it seems 
 to me, the maxim may be held true ; the want 
 of attention to the details of dress indicates,
 
 DRESS. 137 
 
 and very generally accompanies, a large amount 
 of indifference to the feelings of others. A 
 woman should dress to please others, and not 
 herself; and the sentiment once admitted, that 
 it is of no consequence how she looks, and whe- 
 ther her appearance is pleasing or the contrary, 
 she will hardly stop at this halting place on the 
 road to complete indifference. On the contrary, 
 she will next discover that it is of no consequence 
 what she says, or how she acts " she does not 
 care for the opinion of the world ;" or " there 
 is nobody that cares for her." 
 
 It is true that these are not the arguments 
 generally to be heard from the young, who sel- 
 dom err on the side of indifference, either to the 
 duties of the toilet or to the opinion of the 
 world. But whether the looking-glass engross too 
 much or too little time, it is equally an error 
 for a woman to be ill-dressed, since the attire is 
 an index of the mind so unfailing, so accurate, 
 that we need little more than a single glance at a 
 woman to be able to learn all the most salient 
 points in her character. Do we see a young 
 woman dressed in the extreme of fashion, in a 
 
 N 2
 
 138 DRESS. 
 
 style which neither her purse nor her position 
 warrants ; can we be very wrong in imagining 
 her vain and selfish, with the head unfurnished 
 just in proportion as the body is over-dressed ? 
 If, in addition, we observe a soiled stocking or 
 petticoat, a buttonless sleeve, or an ill-fitting 
 shoe ; shall we not feel that indolence and impu- 
 rity of person will end in tainting the mind? 
 Can we help fearing that the love of finery, 
 which this style of dress betrays, will prove some 
 day, like Esau's mess of pottage, a temptation 
 too great for her womanly truth and feeling to 
 withstand ? May not the woman who so loves 
 DRESS be tempted to barter for it that noble 
 birthright, hei^warm and honest affection for 
 some one who is not in a position to gratify her 
 love of finery; to exchange her independence 
 for a slavery which will be none the less galling 
 because it is a voluntary sacrifice. From how 
 many temptations is that woman free ; from how 
 many trials does she escape, who has not im- 
 bibed in girlhood a love of dress ! 
 
 And yet we would deprecate almost as much 
 any unwomanly indifference to the choice of
 
 DRESS. 139 
 
 attire. A woman should be always well-dressed 
 dressed, not so that the casual visitor will say, 
 
 " What a beautiful gown Miss had on ! " 
 
 or " What an elegant bonnet ! " but " Well, I 
 did not remark what she had on ; but she always 
 looks so nice." 
 
 Now the great secret of good dress is HAR- 
 MONY; harmony with our position, harmony 
 with our persons, harmony of each part with the 
 other. I believe were these conditions studied, 
 with a little reflection and a cultivated mind, the 
 majority of women would really look as charming 
 as Nature intended they should be. We all know 
 or profess to know what musical harmony is. 
 Now I would carry the same unity of purpose, 
 the same blending of tones, the same nice ap- 
 propriateness, into the details of the toilette. 
 And first, we must study our own position, and 
 make our dress accord with it. The servant 
 whose clean cotton gown, short enough to admit 
 of freedom of action, and clean stockings, and 
 stout shoes, show that she adapts her dress to 
 her place is quite as pleasing and attractive, in 
 her way, as the lady in her elegant peignoir,
 
 140 DRESS. 
 
 surrounded by all the knicknackeries of a bou- 
 doir. The fitness of the toilette in each case 
 is an essential part of its charm ; and it is this 
 fitness which I would especially have you study. 
 Your social position is such that it is part of 
 your duty to enter actively into domestic details 
 to make the pies and puddings for the family 
 repast, and to perform similar domestic offices. 
 How much more pleasing a clean washable 
 dress, and large apron of a similar character, 
 would be than a shabby silk or gaudy ba- 
 rege. In the evening, as your duties are differ- 
 ent, so your toilette should be so, suited to 
 your station, and to the occasion ; as rich, or as 
 inexpensive as you please, but always simply 
 made and fitting well. 
 
 A due regard to the harmony of our dress 
 with our position will prevent us from indulging 
 in a taste for finery, or even for elaborate ele- 
 gance not in accordance with our circumstances ; 
 for we should never forget that it is not suffi- 
 cient for a bonnet or shawl to be extremely 
 pretty, or very cheap, for it to be suitable for 
 us to wear. A lady whose airings are taken in
 
 DRESS. 141 
 
 a carriage may very properly wear a bonnet 
 which is elaborately trimmed ; but it would be 
 inappropriate for a pedestrian, however becom-, 
 ing to her face. All purchases, then, should 
 be made with a direct reference to our social 
 standing, as well as to the next point of harmony 
 our personal appearance. To know ourselves, 
 even as far as our faces and figures go, is a 
 knowledge which we can only acquire after some 
 study ; nevertheless it is very necessary for every 
 one who would wish to possess that circular let- 
 ter of recommendation, a pleasing personal ap- 
 pearance. Of course we cannot alter the form 
 of the features, or add to our height, or in any 
 other way remodel ourselves ; but we can dress 
 with taste and propriety, so as to soften down 
 any defects of nature, and increase the effect of 
 any beauties. 
 
 To do this, however, we must know something 
 of the laws of light and shade, as well as of the 
 principles of colouring ; and it must be conceded 
 that, in these respects, Nature has at least as 
 much share as Art, since an eye for colour is one 
 of the rarest gifts bestowed on women, and one
 
 142 DRESS. 
 
 the want of which no study will supply. Some 
 broad general principles however there are which 
 all may understand. And first, we may take it 
 as an axiom that Fashion can never of itself be 
 a sufficient guide in matters of dress, but that 
 its dictates must be modified to suit the charac- 
 teristics of each individual. Suppose, for in- 
 stance, that large plaids, or checked patterns, 
 are the fashion, will that render them at all be- 
 coming to a small slight person, or even to a 
 tall woman who is more than proportionably 
 stout ? As the effect of these checks is to give 
 breadth without length, those only who are tall 
 and very thin can wear them with advantage, 
 because they supply a deficiency of Nature - 
 Stripes, on the contrary, add to the length, and 
 therefore become little women, or those who 
 have much embonpoint. Flounces, again, may 
 look well in some few soft materials, and on tall 
 slight figures ; but what can be more ungraceful 
 than a little woman, whose body and limbs ap- 
 pear almost dissected at three or four divisions 
 of the skirt, by the light and shadow being 
 abruptly broken at the edges of the stiff heavy
 
 DRESS. 143 
 
 flounces. Dress should, in fact, be drapery; 
 and the more natural its folds and falls, the 
 more elegant its appearance. I have heard 
 more than one eminent artist say, that of all the 
 materials of which a lady's dress could be com- 
 posed, a pure flannel forms the most beautiful 
 folds, and that it only wants colour to be the 
 most appropriate dress possible for a portrait. 
 Fine merinos also hang very gracefully ; some 
 satins are scarcely less effective ; but little peo- 
 ple should avoid every figured or stiffened mate- 
 rial, such as brocades, stiff silks, and bayadine 
 dresses. 
 
 Tall women have certainly an advantage in 
 the variety of styles which they can wear with 
 propriety: few materials are made for ladies' 
 dresses which they cannot appear in without 
 greatly outraging good taste. Even they, how- 
 ever, will do well to study the general rules by 
 which a pleasing effect is produced. All colours 
 also must be selected with reference to indivi- 
 dual appearance, and to the harmony of part 
 with the whole. For a blonde to surround her 
 face with brilliant tints, or a dark-skinned,
 
 144 DRESS. 
 
 dark-eyed girl to patronise pale lavender or 
 pink, or bleu ciel, is evidently in bad taste. A 
 pale cheek has a bloom thrown on it by the re- 
 flection of a pink bonnet; but then the pink 
 must not be too deep, or it will form too strong 
 a contrast : blue, and even green, are very be- 
 coming to rosy beauties, especially the latter, 
 when there is too deep a bloom on the com- 
 plexion : dark rich colours, again, usually har- 
 monize with dark hair and eyes : maize, or 
 primrose-coloured bonnets may be appropriately 
 worn in summer by those of this complexion, 
 whilst they would look vulgar or gaudy on paler 
 or fairer girls : and brighter neck-ribbons and 
 gayer-coloured dresses can be worn by our 
 Minnas than could possibly be becoming to 
 Brenda. Too many tints, it may be remarked, 
 never look well in a lady's dress. It gives one 
 the idea that she is vying with peacocks, with- 
 out the power of eclipsing them in splendour. It 
 is almost equally out of taste to wear two or three 
 shadesof the same colour. Nothing can look worse 
 than to see a dress of one shade, a ribbon of 
 another, and perhaps a bonnet of a third, of the
 
 DRESS. 145 
 
 same general colour. Yet this style is fre- 
 quently adopted under the idea of things match- 
 ing. These matches are like many others in the 
 world ; they unite, without blending. When 
 the dress is of one predominant colour, the ac- 
 cessories should be of another which will form 
 a good contrast with it. Thus, with a brown 
 silk you may wear either pink or blue ribbons ; 
 only observe that some browns harmonise with 
 pinks, and some with blue. Generally a warm 
 tint can be toned down with a blue, and a graver 
 colour enlivened with pink. The same may be 
 said of all the varieties of stone and fawn colour. 
 Some tints go well with pinks, some with blues, 
 some with crimsons, and some with green. A lit- 
 tle study of these effects with wools will be by no 
 means a waste of time. It will assist you in ar- 
 ranging furniture, dress, and many other things ; 
 and whether your income be large or small, it 
 will enable you to throw an air of refinement on 
 your menage which no mere wealth can ever 
 give. 
 
 Another point to be considered in selecting 
 your toilette is your position as regards society. 
 
 o
 
 146 DRESS. 
 
 If your parents are in the habit of giving 
 or attending evening parties, you will require 
 suitable dresses; but should your family ar- 
 rangements require daily nicety rather than oc- 
 casional full-dress, you will consult comfort as 
 well as good taste, rather by selecting such ar- 
 ticles of attire as will never look conspicuous. 
 A plain silk dress is never out of date ; you need 
 not blush to appear in it at any chance reunion, 
 whilst it does not look overdressed for your 
 parents' drawing-room. But then it should not 
 be what the French call faqonnee : no streaming 
 ends of ribbon, or imitation lace, or pretension 
 of any sort. Let it fit well, and be free from 
 dust or stains, and then you will always look 
 ladylike in it. Another point of consideration 
 to those whose purses do not allow them to buy 
 a great variety of dresses, shawls, &c., is that no 
 one leading or expensive purchase should be of 
 such a character that other articles of dress 
 will not look well with it. For instance, your 
 best dress for the summer may be a rich Napoleon 
 blue silk ; nothing but great thoughtlessness or 
 want of taste would make you buy a light blue
 
 DRESS. 147 
 
 bonnet to wear with it, or a mantle of another 
 tint, or perhaps a shawl with a green ground. 
 If such were your toilette, however rich each 
 article might be in itself, the general appearance 
 would be vulgar or in bad taste ; and you would 
 be known by your shawl or bonnet, as the case 
 might be. If your purse, then, does not admit 
 of a great variety in your toilette, buy articles of 
 plain colours that will go well together, and not 
 be too voyante. A black shawl or dress is never 
 remarkable, and therefore can be longer worn 
 than any colours. It is a point of economy, too, 
 to buy everything as good as possible. One 
 handsome shawl will look better and for a 
 longer period than three or four flimsy mantles 
 or visites costing the same sum. So with 
 dresses, gloves, and every article of attire. 
 
 After all, it is the linen and the lingerie of a 
 lady's wardrobe which are the evidences of her 
 refinement. A fine outside, with coarse or ill- 
 made linen, is so repugnant to good taste that it 
 stamps a vulgar mind at once ; and a lady's 
 wardrobe will be a surer index of her character 
 than even her letters. Of course wealth or re-
 
 148 DRESS. 
 
 stricted means will be visible in the linen as much 
 as in the outer garments ; but as the making 
 of this part of the wardrobe is the principal cost, 
 and all women should be able to work well, there 
 can be little excuse for any one wearing linen 
 unfit for a gentlewoman. Let each article be 
 plain if needed, but at least neatly made, and 
 with no cheap lace or imitation embroidery to 
 give a pretence of finery. Embellishments of 
 this sort should be very good, or they should 
 not have place at all. Handkerchiefs we fre- 
 quently see trimmed with common lace or de- 
 corated (?) with coarse embroidery. Can any- 
 thing be more vulgar ? If the same sum were 
 spent in plain fine cambric that is given for this 
 trash, the taste of a gentlewoman would be 
 shown. Let your wardrobe be excellent accord- 
 ing to your means, but never beyond your means ; 
 and always study to have an abundance of neat 
 if plain linen, rather than a limited supply of that 
 which is more ornamental. 
 
 Those young ladies who are liable to be sud- 
 denly called from home on visits of pleasure or 
 business will do well to have a complete set of
 
 DRESS. 149 
 
 linen and other articles, such as brushes, combs, 
 &c., in a separate drawer, ready for instant use 
 on such occasions. And a little care in the 
 wearing, mending, and arranging of the ward- 
 robe will greatly diminish the cost. Very often 
 an expensive dress is put on unnecessarily when 
 the weather is uncertain, or when it is likely in 
 some other way to be exposed to injury, and thus 
 perhaps it is spoiled when the wearer can ill afford 
 to replace it. In all these matters, and in very 
 many others in which domestic economy is con- 
 cerned, we should do well to borrow a little of 
 the wisdom of our Gallic sisters, whose toilettes 
 always look fresh and pure, and cost compara- 
 tively so little. But then a Frenchwoman would 
 not put away a dress, or shawl, or bonnet, with 
 a speck of dust upon it ; and dresses are folded 
 up most carefully, so that no creases shall appear 
 when they are taken out again ; and the differ- 
 ence in the wear can only be guessed by those 
 who have tried the plan. 
 
 The " stitch in time," too, which is often so 
 much neglected, is a valuable auxiliary in main- 
 taining the wardrobe of a gentlewoman without 
 
 o2
 
 150 DRESS. 
 
 incurring great expense. To be able to mend 
 every article neatly is quite indispensable. Not 
 that we would recommend a young lady to darn 
 her stockings with that curious fineness with 
 which she might work a piece of point lace ; this 
 would be a total violation of the rule of har- 
 mony or fitness in all things, which we have 
 already laid down. The time of that woman 
 must be valueless indeed, who can find no better 
 employment for it than to spend an entire morn- 
 ing over a pair or two of stockings ; but by at- 
 tending regularly to the details of her wardrobe, 
 and mending everything when it first requires 
 it, a great deal of time and money may be saved. 
 And those who have an abundance of this 
 world's goods, or who can put their time to 
 more profitable account, will always find some 
 less fortunate woman who will be thankful for 
 the employment of repairing their linen; nor 
 should we lose sight of the fact that every hour's 
 occupation we can give to our own sex, and pay 
 for honestly, is so much real good done a good 
 more sensibly felt, and far more beneficial to all 
 concerned, than double the amount spent in un-
 
 DRESS. 151 
 
 earned, miscalled charity. Let it, however, be 
 honestly paid for; let a day's work be remu- 
 nerated by what will find bread for that day, 
 or we shall be congratulating ourselves on our 
 charity, when we should be lamenting our indo- 
 lence, and fancying ourselves useful members 
 of society when we are but amongst its incum- 
 brances. 
 
 Have we said too much about dress, or made 
 it of too great consequence? We think not. 
 For a woman to profess to consider this matter 
 as one of no importance when addressing young 
 girls just entering life, would be an affectation 
 unworthy the writer as well as the reader. 
 Dress, like everything else which influences the 
 opinion of others regarding us, is of conse- 
 quence. The merest stranger is prepossessed 
 for or against us by our personal appearance ; 
 whilst it requires the acquaintance of years to 
 enable our friends to appreciate our hearts and 
 minds. Dress being so essential to a pleasing 
 appearance, is a subject which should not be 
 considered beneath the attention of any sensible 
 woman. On the other hand, she will not be
 
 152 DRESS. 
 
 disposed unduly to sacrifice to it either her 
 thoughts or her time. Indeed, those who are 
 habitually particular in their toilette are not the 
 women who waste time over their mirrors, but 
 those to whom neatness is a novelty, and an 
 elegant appearance an event. Purity and pro- 
 priety, or, as we have elsewhere designated it, 
 harmony, are the secrets of a pleasing toilette; 
 and these, if properly carried out, result in good 
 to others as well as to ourselves. Taking it for 
 granted that it is a woman's aim as certainly as 
 her duty to assist others, we have only to point 
 out how great is the difference between the 
 cast-off wardrobe of a careful woman and of a 
 slattern, to show how much we may assist others 
 by our neatness as well as ourselves. Clothes 
 and linen, however old and worn, are gratefully 
 received by many public institutions as well as 
 by the poor who surround ourselves ; but if we 
 neglect to keep them in repair, they are of no 
 use to any one when we have done with them. 
 
 How often, too, can we by little presents 
 from our own wardrobe aid a servant to save 
 part of her wages, if we are careful to keep our
 
 DRESS. 153 
 
 dress in repair ; and besides the kindly feeling 
 we encourage, we set an example that is almost 
 certain to be imitated. On the other hand, to 
 give faded ribbons and tawdry laces, or things 
 unsuitable for a servant's wear, is an evil which 
 cannot be too strenuously discouraged. This is 
 neither wisdom nor kindness. 
 
 Let us then study harmony ourselves, and 
 demonstrate its beauty to others, if we would 
 deserve the praise of being well and appropri- 
 ately dressed. By care and taste we may do 
 more, with limited means, both to please our 
 friends and benefit the poor than we could achieve 
 by the most lavish expenditure, uncontrolled by 
 principle and undirected by an eye for beauty.
 
 154 
 
 CHAP. IX. 
 
 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 
 
 " I thought him the most courteous and gentleman-like man 
 1 had ever seen. What a charm it is ! and what a duty too ! 
 We are so apt to forget that ' Thou shalt do no murder,' and 
 ' Be courteous' are commandments written in the same book, 
 and equally hinding." LADY C. LONO. 
 
 " MAJTCTEBS make the man." OLD PBOVEBB. 
 
 AMONG the enigmas which the world constantly 
 presents for the solution of those who look be- 
 yond the mere surface of things, is the different 
 appreciation in which the younger members of 
 a society are held by those who are but slightly 
 acquainted with them, and those who have had 
 the opportunity of constantly meeting them. 
 
 We see a handsome, showy, accomplished 
 girl, sought for in parties, admired, nattered, 
 caressed every thing except, beloved. She 
 shines, perhaps, for several seasons, the belle of 
 every ball-room the pride of all the picnics
 
 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 155 
 
 earnestly sought as a partner in a waltz or a 
 polka, and feted and admired to her heart's 
 content. And yet, in all that time, among all 
 her many flatterers, she has, perhaps, not one 
 friend. How is this ? Her young companions 
 do not seek to make her their confidante ; the 
 dimmed eye of the aged does not brighten at 
 her approach. No one seems to be the happier 
 or the better for her presence ; she is not neces- 
 sary to any human being. 
 
 Another girl, on the contrary, has perhaps far 
 fewer natural advantages; she is neither so 
 handsome nor so accomplished; and yet children 
 cling to her the moment she enters the room, 
 and a smile gleams on the pallid face of age, 
 and parents, and brothers, and sisters feel as if 
 a sunbeam had made its appearance in the depth 
 of a winter's gloom. It is difficult to define in 
 what her charm consists. 
 
 " But take her altogether," as some people say, 
 " She has got" what ? " such a winning way ! " 
 
 It will not be difficult, however, for the close ob- 
 server to discover that the absence of selfishness 
 is the foundation of that varied grace which so en-
 
 156 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 
 
 chants her friends. The fact is, that in the 
 formation of manners, as in every other part of 
 our conduct to our fellow-creatures, the Golden 
 Rule is the only one that will be found of uni- 
 versal application, the sole safe foundation for 
 any superstructure, " to love our neighbour as 
 ourselves." What a comprehensive guide to our 
 thoughts and our actions ! What a test by which 
 to try our conduct ! No wonder that it is said 
 to be " more than whole burnt- offerings and 
 sacrifices." 
 
 But what has all this to do with manners and 
 society ? Literally everything. This rule, short 
 and simple as it is, will, if followed, refine the 
 manners and the mind so that we can never be 
 otherwise than loved by those with whom we 
 have intercourse. Let us see to what it is likely 
 to lead. We are in the society of a person 
 whose age and infirmities make them objects for 
 respectful care and attention. We place the 
 cushion for the feet, and the pillow to support 
 the feeble frame ; and we attend respectfully to 
 the tales of times long passed, and minister 
 kindly to the wants of our aged friend. And
 
 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 157 
 
 all this is done quietly, unostentatiously, as a 
 matter of duty ; because we are commanded to 
 " honour the face of the old man," and we feel 
 that so we should like them to act to us in similar 
 circumstances. We are doing only our duty 
 no more ; hut how rich is the reward ! How 
 many a tale or anecdote full of interest, how 
 many a lesson of wisdom, is learnt by a duteous 
 grandchild thus attending a feeble parent ! For 
 whilst the body decays the mind often increases 
 in power and strength, and acquires an extra- 
 ordinary beauty. 
 
 " The soul's dark cottage, battered and decayed, 
 Lets in new lights through chinks that time has made." 
 
 " Stronger by weakness wiser men become 
 As they draw near to their eternal home ; 
 Leaving the old both worlds at once they view, 
 That stand upon the threshold of the new." 
 
 But supposing that the duties we pay to the 
 aged are not in themselves sources of pleasure 
 that querulousness and infirmity make the 
 sufferer impatient even of attention will the 
 girl who is imbued with the spirit of Christian 
 courtesy therefore shrink from them? That
 
 158 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 
 
 beautiful golden rule still exhorts her to "do as 
 she would be done by ;" and in the conscious- 
 ness of fulfilling her duty, she finds a rich reward. 
 And so, in every situation in life, courtesy (or 
 politeness, as it is commonly termed), will be 
 practised from principle, and not merely to please 
 strangers. Where the former is the case, the 
 absence of selfishness cannot fail to be observed, 
 even by bystanders. Where civility is exercised 
 only to strangers, and our own nearest and 
 dearest are not under its influence, we are very 
 far from having acquired real politeness. Indeed, 
 the poet Cowper accurately describes this state 
 of things when he says 
 
 " Our polished manners are a mask we wear, 
 And at the bottom, barbarous still and rude, 
 We are restrained, indeed, but not subdued." 
 
 Perhaps much of the evil of which I am now 
 complaining arises from an undue appreciation 
 of the claims of society in comparison with those 
 of our own family. Courtesy, like charity, ought 
 to begin in our home, though neither should end 
 there ; but too many young ladies keep their 
 best manners and dresses together, only to be
 
 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ARROAD. 159 
 
 taken out on special occasions. If a stranger 
 were to enter the room, a young girl, with the 
 smallest pretensions to polite behaviour, would 
 rise and set her a chair, would express regret if 
 she showed symptoms of fatigue, and otherwise 
 appear to have an interest in her. Now, I am 
 not quarrelling with this conduct, because it 
 ought not to be hypocritical ; she ought to feel 
 regret at any appearance of suffering in a fellow- 
 creature, and she should show any kindness in 
 her power to a stranger. It is only " doing as 
 she would be done by," and we may hope that 
 the motive is as good as its result. But, if her 
 own mother entered the room, and looked worn 
 and weary, would the like courtesy be shown to 
 her? Would the most comfortable chair be 
 drawn to the fire, and the gentle tones of love 
 and interest be used, and refreshment procured 
 with alacrity ? I am afraid not ; but yet, were 
 this girl's politeness that of the heart, assuredly 
 it would. May we not say to her, " These 
 things ye ought to have done, and not to leave 
 the other undone ? " 
 
 Again, a young lady has had large sums spent
 
 160 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 
 
 on her musical education; her elder brother's 
 friend is staying with him ; she wishes to please, 
 and when he asks her to sing she does so with- 
 out a moment's hesitation. So far well; but 
 her little brother has brought his schoolboy 
 friend, and he would like to hear Mary play ; 
 or her brother is himself learning the flute, and 
 would like to try with her. Is she then willing 
 to put down the piece of work on which she is 
 engaged, or the interesting tale that is nearly 
 completed, to amuse either the young visitor or 
 the brother himself? I fear this young lady, 
 and many others of her class, keep their best 
 manners for company, and think anything good 
 enough for home wear. Yet which is most likely 
 to reward self-sacrifice the stranger, or the 
 brother in whose happiness hers must be bound 
 up for life ? whose alienation from home must 
 result in sorrow, perhaps disgrace, to every 
 member of the family. 
 
 Sometimes young people seem to think that 
 the ordinary rules of politeness may be dispensed 
 with when those by whom they are surrounded 
 are strangers: at theatres, public entertain-
 
 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 161 
 
 merits, in railway carriages and omnibuses. It 
 has often been remarked that no situation pre- 
 sents such excellent opportunities for studying 
 the character as a long journey made together, 
 since any inherent selfishness is then sure to 
 make itself remarked. But how often do we see 
 young people who would be shocked at being 
 considered wanting in politeness at home, act in 
 such a manner among strangers as to prove that 
 their courtesy is like a mask easily put on and 
 as easily thrown off ! I have seen a party of 
 young people at a public entertainment girls 
 whose appearance indicated the situation of 
 gentlewomen talk to each other so loudly, even 
 while the lecturer was speaking, that those in 
 front of them could hardly hear a word. Surely 
 they were not doing as they would be done by ! 
 I have seen others at such places, and in public 
 conveyances, put their feet on the seats in front 
 of them, to the manifest injury of the dress of 
 any subsequent occupant ; or push themselves 
 into the best and most comfortable places, or 
 insist, for mere whim, on the windows being up 
 or down, without the slightest regard to the 
 
 p 2
 
 162 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 
 
 claims of any aged or invalid person in the 
 carriage. Was such conduct either Christian or 
 polite? Could any really courteous person be 
 guilty of it ? Certainly not. Rely upon it, she 
 who can be a lady when she pleases, never does 
 please to be anything else ; she who is courteous 
 because it is a Christian duty, will be so under 
 all circumstances and in all places. 
 
 Hospitality is one of the duties we owe to 
 society ; and the manner in which we practise 
 it shows whether we are actuated by kind feel- 
 ings or only by love of ostentation. 
 
 A young lady's duties are of course very dif- 
 ferent to those of her mother ; but so much may 
 be done by her towards rendering her parents' 
 guests comfortable, that I am sure she will find 
 a little consideration of the requirements of her 
 position very instructive. Should a visitor be 
 expected to remain for a time, her bed-room 
 should be carefully prepared for her, with a due 
 thought for all that may be necessary to the 
 comfort of the visitor. This is a dutv with
 
 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 163 
 
 which no servant should be intrusted, since it 
 should be as much a labour of love as a matter 
 of duty. Not only will the bed be thoroughly 
 aired, and the linen well warmed, but writing 
 materials and a few books, and flowers in season, 
 should be placed in the apartment ; and no one 
 will allow a guest to enter a room without a fire, 
 if she has any wish that the welcome shall be a 
 warm one. 
 
 Then the preparations for the meal to follow 
 the stranger's arrival will be made with refer- 
 ence to her tastes, and with a wish to see her 
 enjoy herself. All will be done, too, in such 
 excellent time that our young hostess' own toi- 
 lette is made, and she is ready personally to 
 welcome the friend, to see that the fires are 
 burning brightly, and the kettle hissing on the 
 hob, and to aid in the uncloaking and subse- 
 quent toilette of the traveller. Nor will pins, 
 hair-pins, and such " small ware " be wanting 
 from the toilette table, and to seek at the mo- 
 ment they are required. All such preparations 
 will have been made beforehand. Then follows 
 the social, comfortable meal, which, whether
 
 164 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 
 
 costly or simple, will be enjoyed because taste- 
 fully laid out, and elegant in its perfect neatness. 
 Then, when the guest retires, inquiry will be 
 made whether everything she will be likely to 
 want is in her room, whether she burns a light, 
 (which should be placed ready to be lighted), 
 and if she would like to be called in the morn- 
 ing, and at what hour. Offers of assistance at 
 the toilette will be made by a daughter in a 
 family not rich enough to keep a great number 
 of servants, not only because it will be a pleasure 
 to her to aid her mother's guests, but also be- 
 cause a visitor must cause some extra work ; and 
 if the one or two servants, who generally only 
 just can get through their labours, are called 
 upon for extra services, they must either be 
 overworked or neglect some other duty. 
 
 To those who may be suffering from recent 
 bereavement, or from pecuniary loss, when 
 visiting us, we are called on as true women to 
 show the most delicate and distinguishing kind- 
 ness ; and, in like manner, when our temporary 
 guest or permanent inmate is in a somewhat 
 humbler position than ourselves, we are doubly
 
 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 165 
 
 bound to be courteous. But in these, and in all 
 circumstances, we have only to have recourse to 
 our golden rule, to act always right. How 
 would you wish others to act to you in such cir- 
 cumstances ? Act so to them, and you cannot 
 fail to do right. 
 
 The duties of a guest are somewhat different 
 to those of a hostess, but the principle is immu- 
 table. Perhaps, however, the conduct of a 
 young girl on a visit is even a greater test of 
 her character than when she is in what she con- 
 siders a more responsible position. Many a 
 young girl has made friends or enemies for life 
 by her conduct at the house of an acquaintance. 
 Necessarily, whilst residing under the roof of 
 comparative strangers, she becomes acquainted 
 with many of their affairs, some perhaps which 
 they would not desire should be equally known 
 to all the world. Now, whether by accident or 
 by confidence she acquires such knoAvledge, it 
 should be to her as if it had not been known at 
 all. The Greeks, in their feasting-rooms, had
 
 166 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 
 
 an inscription written, " Nothing that is said in 
 here is to go out there." This should be the 
 motto of every guest, and of every one residing 
 in the house of another. 
 
 Equally reprehensible with the practice of re- 
 peating what is said or done before us under the 
 seal of confidence, is that of entering into the 
 quarrels or dissensions of the family in which 
 we are temporarily resident, or of interfering in 
 the domestic arrangements. A visitor should be 
 without either eyes for the delinquencies of ser- 
 vants, or ears for the inharmonious discussions 
 of her friends ; and a tongue, if used too freely 
 under such circumstances, is a most inconve- 
 nient appendage. Let her enter heartily into 
 all the kindly plans for her enjoyment, let her 
 show herself pleased with the effort to please 
 her, let her try to contribute her share to the 
 general happiness, and add as little as may be 
 to the trouble of the domestics, and she will be 
 a welcome and honoured guest. 
 
 Punctuality and attention to the hours of the 
 hostess form an essential part of the good breed- 
 ing of a visitor, and a young girl will be cautious
 
 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 167 
 
 of leading the daughters of the family into a vio- 
 lation of the rules by which it is generally go- 
 verned, since, as a guest, her own movements 
 can hardly be found fault with, but she may 
 cause her young friends to be severely reproved. 
 The attentions that may be bestowed on her by 
 other visitors to the house must be received as 
 compliments to the mutual hostess ; good taste 
 and good sense will prevent a young girl from 
 forcing herself into the notice of her elders and 
 superiors, unless sought by them; and she will be 
 cautious of accepting invitations or advances from 
 the juniors of a family, unless they are evidently 
 sanctioned by the parents. Pass off such invi- 
 tations as mere courtesies until they are seconded 
 by the seniors of a party, and even then make 
 their acceptance conditional on your own pa- 
 rents' approval. Do not be ashamed to acknow- 
 ledge that you are still under the guidance of 
 your mother ', be assured that the very fact of 
 being known to be so will save you a world of 
 difficulty. 
 
 Among the minor moralities of life may be 
 reckoned that of not receiving courtesy or kind-
 
 168 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 
 
 ness from comparative strangers without in 
 some way acknowledging your sense of it. Not 
 that I would have you keep an account of every 
 civility shown you, and balance it by some act 
 of your own, in the debtor and creditor style, 
 but I would have you endeavour to prove your 
 sense of gratitude by deeds rather than words. 
 A specimen of your own needlework, or any 
 trifle which will show that your friend's kind- 
 ness has been felt, will always be appropriate. 
 When you think that your hostess' purse is not 
 a long one, your gift should be something which 
 you hope she will find useful as well as orna- 
 mental. 
 
 The servants should always receive some little 
 acknowledgment for the trouble you have occa- 
 sioned them ; and where a kindly feeling exists 
 especially, a gown, a ribbon, or anything that 
 they can keep and use, will probably be more 
 appreciated than the money-value of the article. 
 
 But if it be true that gifts increase friendship 
 and kindly feelings, especially is it so in our own 
 family. How much of the domestic virtues of 
 the Germans may we trace to the keeping up of
 
 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 169 
 
 family festivals and the giving of family presents, 
 in which the humblest domestic has her share. 
 In the German and Swiss schools, too, the same 
 kindly feeling is maintained ; and assuredly 
 nothing can be more gratifying to any teacher 
 who really devotes her energies to her pupils, 
 than a spontaneous and united acknowledgment 
 of their regard for her. To each individual in 
 a large school or family it costs little, but the 
 gratification to all is no trifle. How often will 
 the teacher's eye dwell on such a token of regard 
 with affection and kindly feeling ! How may 
 it not cheer her in her arduous toil ! How much 
 goodwill may it not cherish between the teacher 
 and the taught, not only at that time but for 
 the rest of their lives ! 
 
 I remember once being perfectly startled on 
 paying a visit to a Parisian friend, who had 
 long retired from business, at seeing the mantel- 
 piece, and eveiy available table, covered with 
 bouquets, pots of flowers, and knicknackeries of 
 every sort. It was her fete, and the presents 
 came from some of her former workwomen. 
 A lovely shawl was her husband's gift, a lace 
 
 Q
 
 170 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 
 
 collar a sister's, and so on. I expressed my 
 surprise and admiration to one of the young 
 people who came in later in the day, with a kiss 
 a la Fran9aise, and a bouquet. " Ah, madame, 
 que voulez-vous ? C'est si peu de chose, mais 
 madame etait si bonne ! si bonne ! Ce serait 
 impossible de 1'oublier." 
 
 This is one, but not by any means the only 
 lesson our Gallic neighbours could teach us. 
 They certainly understand the art of living 
 happily better than we do ; and they know how 
 much the small courtesies of society contribute 
 to happiness. 
 
 An error which any girl who values her own 
 happiness or that of others will avoid, is that 
 of whispering to a companion, or appearing too 
 absorbed in private conversation to attend to 
 that of the general circle. The "loud laugh 
 which speaks the vacant mind " is also one of 
 the habits which a gentlewoman will shun. Do 
 not, even in jest, repeat a vulgar speech or 
 mimic grammatical inaccuracies; you will ac-
 
 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 171 
 
 quire unconsciously the very errors which you 
 detect in others. Study to speak well, and to 
 the purpose ; the accent of the voice proclaims 
 the gentlewoman, even more than her toilette. 
 
 Try to break yourself of any iuelegancies of 
 movement, or tricks that may annoy others. 
 Fidgeting with scissors or a key, balancing 
 yourself backwards and forwards in a chair, 
 grimacing, and many other things, are not only 
 silly in themselves, but frequently the source of 
 great annoyance to others. Imagine a lady in 
 delicate health, suffering perhaps from some ner- 
 vous complaint, being compelled, during a long 
 journey, to sit opposite a girl who is tapping 
 her toe on the floor all the time ! Such suffering 
 might even permanently affect her reason. We 
 cannot doubt this, when we reflect that the most 
 terrible torture of the Inquisition consisted of 
 letting water fall, drop by drop, on the victim's 
 head. 
 
 All noisy habits, such as walking heavily, 
 banging doors, letting lids of trunks fall, and 
 similar acts of carelessness, are wholly incon- 
 sistent with the character of a gentle-woman,
 
 172 SOCIETY AT HOME AND ABROAD. 
 
 a word far more significant than that of lady. 
 Quietness and repose of manner, free from 
 affectation and self-seeking, are the elements of 
 true politeness. " Love thyself last" says the 
 poet, who knew more the beauties of the female 
 character than any other human being ; and a 
 similar injunction is found in Holy Writ : " in 
 honour preferring one another."
 
 173 
 
 CHAP. X. 
 
 MORAL HONESTY. 
 
 " This is, I suppose, a benevolent place enough ; all your 
 great miserable towns are." 
 
 " Benevolent, but not just : very willing to give in cha- 
 rity; very unwilling to pay an honest price for honest labour. 
 No one would applaud the master if he paid those poor 
 wretches of his enough to live on : whereas, when he gives 
 500 in one subscription, the air is deafened with shouts." 
 
 THE MELVTUJES. 
 
 SHALL I offend for ever some of my young 
 friends by repeating to them a caution I once 
 heard an excellent old lady give to a beloved 
 and only daughter ? " Above all, my child, be 
 always honest; remember that to 'do justice' 
 is a command which comes before that other, 
 and more favourite one, to ' love mercy/ " 
 
 I dare say my countenance showed some of 
 the astonishment I felt at hearing the mother 
 of a most excellent and admirable girl caution 
 
 Q 2
 
 174 MORAL HONESTY. 
 
 her to " be honest ;" for the lady, turning to me, 
 said : 
 
 " Has it never struck you that there is much 
 less moral honesty in the world than we are apt 
 to think there is ? that we may appear very 
 excellent members of society, and even have 
 the reputation for being charitable, and yet 
 indulge constantly in acts of dishonesty ? There 
 is a verse in the Bible which I have often pon- 
 dered over, because it presents our human 
 nature under an aspect so revolting that very 
 few of us would be inclined to admit it to be a 
 true one, were the authority at all less unques- 
 tionable. It is this : ' Rob not the poor, be- 
 cause he is poor.' '' 
 
 If any of us were accused of such a crime, 
 committed from so despicable a motive, we 
 should indignantly deny its truth on behalf of 
 our whole sex, as well as for ourselves ; " to rob 
 the poor, because he is poor/' seems an outrage 
 on humanity of which no professing Christian 
 could possibly be guilty. And yet we know 
 that there must be in human nature a tendency 
 to commit this evil ; else wherefore should HE
 
 MORAL HONESTY. 175 
 
 who knows all hearts have uttered the command, 
 and even enforced it by the assurance of retri- 
 bution for its violation. " Rob not the poor, 
 because he is poor, neither oppress the afflicted 
 in the gate, for the Lord trieth their cause." 
 
 " And yet," I replied, " I hardly see in what 
 way we rob, or even have the power to rob the 
 poor." 
 
 "Perhaps not. But if we examine strictly 
 our own conduct, and the motives which have 
 actuated it, I fear very few of us will be able 
 truly to declare themselves innocent of this sin. 
 To rob, in the gross sense of the word, is of 
 course out of the question; but does it not 
 amount to the same thing if we withhold what 
 is justly due if we pay less than has been 
 honestly earned if we avail ourselves of any 
 might that may be on our side to trample under 
 foot the rights of the toiler, and in the em- 
 phatic language of Scripture, ' grind the faces 
 of the poor ? ' " 
 
 Such a view of the case startled me into 
 serious reflection, and I came reluctantly to the 
 conclusion that we are indeed but too frequently
 
 176 MORAL HONESTY. 
 
 guilty of what I must term Moral Dishonesty. 
 There is hardly one of us, however moderate 
 her means, who has not occasion to employ the 
 services of others yet humbler than herself. 
 The seamstress, the laundress, the domestic, for 
 instance : all these are people with whose as- 
 sistance none of us can dispense. Do we never 
 find ourselves calculating on their submitting to 
 take something less than a fair price for their 
 labours, rather than lose their employment? 
 Do we never recommend any one, in something 
 like these words, to a friend, " Oh, she is very 
 poor, and will be glad to take almost anything." 
 Is not this speech, so often and so thoughtlessly 
 uttered, the very embodiment of the spirit de- 
 nounced when we are forbidden to "rob the 
 poor because he is poor." 
 
 The most general excuse for the spirit of 
 chaffering would be that our means are limited, 
 and that we are obliged to study economy an 
 excuse reasonable enough in itself, had it but 
 the merit of being valid. But if our spirit of 
 economy be excited by our knowledge of the 
 necessities of the persons to be employed, and
 
 MORAL HONESTY. 177 
 
 our feeling that their fate is in some measure 
 in our hands, I fear that our plea of poverty is 
 no true one, since it is one we should never ven- 
 ture to advance with a fashionable marchande 
 des modes, or indeed with any one whom we 
 considered independent of our patronage. Is 
 not this something like " robbing the poor be- 
 cause he is poor ? " If we desire to make a 
 purchase which is beyond our means, we have 
 to sacrifice our wishes to our sense of probity ; 
 but if we wish to have work done, and cannot 
 afford to do so at a fair price, we endeavour to 
 induce the poor needlewoman to do it for a sum 
 which will not procure her the barest necessa- 
 ries of life. Would it not be better to do a part 
 ourselves, aud pay an honest price for the re- 
 mainder, or to dispense with some unnecessary 
 luxury, if by that means we can benefit our 
 fellow-creatures? for it is no charity to give 
 employment and to pay for that labour what 
 will not keep body and soul together. This is 
 merely self-indulgence, not benevolence. 
 
 But it may be objected, everybody tries to 
 get work done cheaply, and it is optional for the
 
 178 MORAL HONESTY. 
 
 worker to decline what she does not think will 
 pay her sufficiently. The first of these excuses 
 does not deserve consideration. We are not to 
 " follow the multitude to do evil," but to try 
 not only our actions but their motives by the 
 only unerring test we possess by the revealed 
 will of God. 
 
 The other excuse, however, appears so plau- 
 sible that it may be worth while to investigate it. 
 Unfortunately, in this overpeopled island, it is 
 anything but optional with a worker to refuse 
 employment if the remuneration is inadequate. 
 The theory sounds extremely well, but facts 
 contradict it. It may be safely assumed, that 
 ninety-nine out of every hundred of the poorer 
 classes are entirely dependent on their daily 
 labour for their daily bread. A full half have 
 others, near and dear ones, to maintain as well 
 as themselves. There is a young widow, with 
 children to feed and clothe, or a daughter who 
 is toiling to give a sick father food and medicine, 
 or a sister labouring for the orphan child of a 
 dead relative. We have only to place ourselves 
 in thought in the position of any one of these,
 
 MORAL HONESTY. 179 
 
 and endeavour to realise the terrible conse- 
 quences of being even for a few days without 
 employment, to feel that she has indeed little 
 power to decline the most miserably paid labour, 
 if nothing better offers ; or to insist on more 
 liberal remuneration, if the justice of her em- 
 ployer does not lead her to give it. No ; she 
 feels that she must take what is offered, or 
 starve ; and thus our selfish nature is confirmed, 
 and very probably we even fancy ourselves ex- 
 tremely benevolent to give the employment 
 at all. 
 
 But while discussing money matters, we must 
 not forget another way in which the laws of 
 moral honesty are violated, and of which the 
 results are frequently not less calamitous. I 
 mean in our dealings with tradespeople. "We 
 are all familiar with Miss Edgeworth's story 
 of " The Dun" and have perhaps grieved 
 over the peril to which the daughter was ex- 
 posed, and the underserved misfortunes of the 
 parents arising from the reckless extravagance 
 of the gallant Colonel Pembroke. But has it 
 ever occurred to us that perhaps we may, from
 
 180 MORAL HONESTY. 
 
 sheer thoughtlessness, be acting as guiltily, and 
 causing equal misery? The system of credit 
 which is granted to known customers is of itself 
 an enormous evil in the commercial world ; and 
 it is notorious that half the bankruptcies that 
 occur are caused by the impossibility of obtain- 
 ing the bills of customers; but unfortunately 
 this is not all. Many London houses in which 
 the health of the principal is utterly destroyed 
 by over toil and over anxiety, might be flourish- 
 ing if those who are indebted to it would but 
 pay their accounts. This is especially the case 
 with such firms as have a large country con- 
 nexion. Too many ladies fancy in giving orders 
 they give all that is necessary, and withdraw 
 their custom the moment their account is pre- 
 sented. A lady sends an order to a London 
 house ; she expresses an anxiety that it should 
 be executed by return of post, and adds perhaps 
 that the bill shall be paid immediately on her 
 knowing the amount. To the honour of the 
 British shopocracy, the desire is at once com- 
 plied with, the style and writing of the note 
 showing that it is the production of a gentle-
 
 MORAL HONESTY. 181 
 
 woman. With the goods the bill arrives. Is it 
 settled at once ? Very seldom. " The amount 
 is so small, it is scarcely worth while to draw a 
 Post-office order." " I shall be wanting some 
 more things in a few weeks, and then I can pay 
 for all at once." " It is such a trifle, it cannot be 
 a matter of any consequence. I may as well leave 
 it till I go to town." Now, in the first place, 
 it is not honest to use that which, not being 
 paid for, is not our own. In the next place, we 
 are incurring a part of a responsibility which 
 very few would desire if they considered its 
 magnitude. We are greatly inconveniencing a 
 person who has certainly obliged us ; for we are 
 probably one only of a number who are acting 
 this dishonest part; and although two or three 
 pounds may be of little consequence, even to a 
 beginner, yet fifty such sums make a serious 
 amount. You are probably destroying the cre- 
 dit of a person whom you would rather desire 
 to assist, and you are injuring every one else 
 with whom he may have future dealings ; for it 
 is not to be supposed that his confidence in the 
 good faith of his customers will continue. 
 
 R
 
 182 MORAL HONESTY. 
 
 It is not my desire to harrow up the feelings 
 of my readers, or I could give from my own 
 knowledge such scenes of domestic misery, of 
 destroyed health, ruined intellect, suicide, and 
 death from this one cause alone, as would prevent 
 every one of them from ever again committing 
 this species of moral dishonesty. I could show 
 the sick child, the darling of its parents' heart, 
 pining to death for the fresh air which they can- 
 not give it because they cannot " get in those 
 little bills." I could point out the husband who 
 in the prime of life is compelled to leave his young 
 wife and family without a protector, literally 
 worn to the grave by the want of the money ow- 
 ing to him ; and that from the very people, pro- 
 bably, who, if he made an urgent appeal to their 
 charitable sympathies, would send him as a free 
 gift far more than they now neglect to pay. I 
 could perhaps lift up the curtain from before a 
 yet darker scene, when a woman, young, gentle, 
 and perhaps delicately nurtured as any of your- 
 selves, is the victim of this heartless cruelty. 
 But I will now leave this part of my subject, 
 convinced that I have said enough to be a cau-
 
 MORAL HONESTY. 183 
 
 tion to all who have fallen into these errors from 
 heedlessness, not intention ; and that it is the 
 head rather than the heart which is in fault in 
 the majority of cases I have long heen con- 
 vinced. Your position may be humble, and 
 your present influence small, or they may be 
 very much the reverse ; at all events, it is but 
 reasonable to suppose that increasing years will 
 give you a larger sphere of action and greater 
 powers for good or for evil ; but whatever your 
 place in society, you have doubtless the wish to 
 do good in it, and rely upon it, in paying your 
 debts promptly, and giving a fair day's wages 
 for an honest day's work, you will do more real 
 benefit to society than you could effect by plac- 
 ing your name on the subscription lists of a 
 dozen charities, if in doing so you neglected the 
 more important duty. Remember, too, it is no 
 longer the fashion to be in debt : the greatest 
 lady in the land, who as woman, wife, and mo- 
 ther, is not less admirable than as Queen, sets 
 an example in this respect that it would be 
 happy indeed if all her subjects imitated. Never 
 will her name be associated with aught but a
 
 184 MORAL HONESTY. 
 
 blessing by those who are happy enough to be 
 employed by her. At fixed and short intervals 
 all her Majesty's accounts are invariably paid, 
 and it is said that the surest mode of incurring 
 her displeasure is to omit sending in the bill 
 at the proper date. What happy augury may 
 we not draw of the character of our future Sove- 
 reign from the example he has before him of 
 virtues which have not always graced a throne ! 
 
 There is a beautiful saying of the ancients, 
 " De mortuus nil nisi bonam " (Let us say no- 
 thing but good of the dead). Pity that we do 
 not adopt the motto with reference to those 
 living-dead, the absent. How many a quarrel, 
 how many heart-burnings, how much evil would 
 be spared, if we habituated ourselves to speaking 
 no evil of those who are not present to vindicate 
 themselves ! It is truly painful to witness the 
 spirit of detraction which frequently pervades 
 the conversation of a group of young ladies. 
 What slighting, sneering expressions are used 
 regarding the persons, minds, and tempers of
 
 MORAL HONESTY. 185 
 
 their absent companions ! How every virtue and 
 every beauty is qualified by some fatal "but," 
 which has the effect of at once destroying its 
 excellence ! The mere tone of the voice is often 
 sufficient to give the effect of an innuendo to 
 words which in themselves are harmless. " How 
 beautifully Miss S. plays!" "Yes, so she 
 ought; for she spends half her time at the 
 piano." " Did you see the exquisite drawings 
 Miss V. brought from school last holidays?" 
 " Yes ; they are certainly admirable. I wonder 
 if she could do them as well if the master were 
 not at her elbow." Is there nothing dishonest 
 in such speeches ? Is there no stealing away of 
 that which is infinitely more valuable than ex- 
 istence itself the very life of life, our character ? 
 Certainly, though it is a crime against Nature 
 to go out of our way to speak evil of the dead, 
 it is not so injurious either to society or to our- 
 selves as it is thus to give way to the propensity 
 for slandering the living. Nor let us flatter 
 ourselves that we injure others only. The 
 injury we do ourselves by giving way to this 
 spirit is incalculable. We cannot indulge our-
 
 186 MORAL HONESTY. 
 
 selves in such speeches \rithout imbibing the 
 spirit of the bitterness which they express ; for 
 although people are apt to excuse themselves by 
 saying that they did not mean what they said, 
 it is clear that had those feelings never existed 
 in the heart they could not have found expres- 
 sion on the tongue. Moreover, there is so much 
 self-esteem mingled with all our actions, we so 
 greatly like to be acknowledged right, and so 
 little wish to be proved turong in our estimate 
 of others, that having once expressed an opinion 
 adverse to the character of any one, we almost 
 rejoice in anything which may justify that 
 opinion : we feel ourselves bound, in a inauner, 
 to maintain our own cause, even at the expense 
 of truth and honesty ; and I fear that if we had 
 any proof of the incorrectness of our assertion, 
 we should be inclined to refrain from giving it 
 the same publicity which we did to our former. 
 Thus we see that the love of being in the 
 right, which is a part of our human nature, may 
 be so enlisted on the side of evil as to lead us 
 into positive crime. On the other hand, if we 
 make it a rule to ourselves to say nothing but
 
 MORAL HONESTY. 187 
 
 good of the absent, this same natural feeling will 
 lead us to seek for and to perceive the excel- 
 lences of the person we have been defending; 
 and thus we shall acquire a habit of seeing the 
 bright side of a friend's character instead of its 
 imperfections. If, indeed, there are great errors 
 in the conduct of one we love, and we cannot 
 be blind to them, it is not our duty to justify 
 those errors ; but at the same time it is equally 
 not our duty to bring them prominently before 
 the eyes of others. If we speak of faults, it 
 should be to those who commit them, privately 
 and lovingly, in such a way as to show that it 
 is sincere affection which leads us to fulfil a 
 painful duty. But generally speaking this does 
 not form any part of the duty of the young, who 
 cannot be judges of the motives of others, of 
 their position, their trials, or their circum- 
 stances. Be contented to watch your own heart, 
 and the actions of your daily life, and assuredly 
 you will find too much occupation in correcting 
 your own deficiencies, to leave you much either 
 of leisure or inclination for scanning the faults 
 of others. Do not think that your example will
 
 188 MORAL HONESTY. 
 
 be without its weight in your own circle, how- 
 ever humble your position and small your in- 
 fluence. There is an old saying, and a very 
 true one, " It takes more than one to make a 
 quarrel." The proverb may be applied to 
 scaudal-mongering ; for it is certain that if one 
 of a party only is inclined to gossip, there will 
 be very little harm done. It should be the 
 aim of the better disposed or the more thought- 
 ful to turn the conversation the moment the 
 evil spirit of detraction makes its appearance, 
 to introduce books, or music, or anything that 
 will alter the current of thought. It is particu- 
 larly the duty of a hostess to take this part ; 
 indeed, she is morally accountable for any evil- 
 speaking that takes place in a society of young 
 people under her parent's roof; since no guest 
 could offer her such an affront as to continue a 
 style of conversation that was obviously dis- 
 pleasing to her entertainer. Let the young 
 hostess, therefore, feel that she is responsible 
 for the conversation of her guests, and whilst 
 exerting herself to procure them every possible 
 amusement, let her show that any approach to
 
 MORAL HONESTY. 189 
 
 scandal will be offensive to her, and she will 
 soon find that there are infinitely more inter- 
 esting topics for discussion than the faults and 
 follies of our neighbours. 
 
 Do not imagine that whilst thus avoiding 
 injuring our neighbours we are doing no good 
 to ourselves. If there is one cast of mind more 
 certain to insure happiness than any other it is 
 that which " thinks no evil," which habitually 
 sees and seeks for the good points of others, 
 and is more bent on seeking their happiness 
 than its own. The bee sucks the honey, and 
 rejects the poison presented to it ; and it is our 
 wisdom and happiness too to discover all the 
 good we can in those about us, and to reject 
 the evil, while, in contributing as much as we 
 can to the welfare of our family, friends, and 
 country, we acquire, by the very effort to do 
 them good, a deeper interest in their welfare, 
 and a warmer affection for them. So true it is 
 that some of the strongest attachments the 
 world exhibits have arisen from having conferred 
 on another numerous and important benefits. 
 We love those we have aided, more perhaps
 
 190 MORAL HOXESTt. 
 
 than they love us, and such is the constitution 
 of human nature that we may confer kindnesses 
 merely at first from a feeling of benevolence, 
 we may defend the character of an absent per- 
 son from the abstract sense of justice, but the 
 very act itself will give us warm and kindly 
 feelings to the person we have benefited, until 
 our hearts are interested in their fate, and 
 we continue from affection what we began from 
 duty. 
 
 It is one great step gained, then, towards 
 present and future happiness, to consider, in 
 every transaction of life, whether we are act- 
 ing in the spirit of entire honesty. Are we 
 paying a just price to those we employ ? Are 
 we giving in charity whilst we are neglecting 
 the requirements of justice ? Are we, by our 
 neglect of little accounts, embarrassing some 
 honest tradesman, whose life depends on our 
 punctuality? Are we, above all, allowing in 
 ourselves a slighting, detracting mode of speak- 
 ing of others ? If so, there is a deficiency ot 
 moral honesty in our character which can only 
 be supplied by the closest watchfulness of our
 
 MORAL HONESTY. 191 
 
 every thought, word, and action, aided by earnest 
 prayer to Him who, having commanded us to 
 " do justice," will not leave us unassisted in our 
 endeavours to perform His will.
 
 192 
 
 CHAP. XI. 
 
 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 
 
 " Friendship's the wine of life. 
 Oh for the bright complexion, cordial warmth, 
 And elevating spirit of a friend." YOUNG. 
 
 " Avec lumiere et choix cette union veut naitre 
 Avant de nous lier il faut micux nous connaitre." 
 
 MOLIEBE. 
 
 PERHAPS not even the acceptance of a lover is 
 a more important era in the life of a young 
 girl than her first serious choice of a friend, 
 since no two human beings can be closely asso- 
 ciated together without being influenced by 
 each other, either for good or for evil. 
 
 Of course I do not speak of those school at- 
 tachments, lightly entered into and as lightly 
 abandoned, the mere result of circumstances 
 and propinquity, but of that serious selection of 
 a counsellor, confidante, and better self, which 
 every young girl wishes to find in her bosom 
 companion.
 
 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 193 
 
 Very few indeed are so isolated as to have no 
 such dear companion, and very few natures 
 exist which could dispense with one ; for we all 
 need something or some one whom we may love 
 on terms of equality, and to whose affection we 
 may look for such tenderness as we fancy we 
 shall not find in older and sterner beings. Na- 
 ture would appear to point out sisters whose age 
 approximates to our own as the beings specially 
 calculated to be our friends ; and certainly in- 
 stances are not wanting of the strongest and 
 tenderest union existing between two sisters. 
 And in whom can a young girl expect to find so 
 much indulgence for her failings, so much affec- 
 tion and partial regard for her person and mind, 
 such complete union of interests, as in a sister 
 just so much older than herself that she may 
 act as a guide and mentor, but not so old that 
 she cannot enter into the joyous feelings of 
 youth. Child of the same parents, united by 
 early association, by oneness of interest, by every 
 tie of blood and sentiment of nature, a sister 
 seems given especially to be a friend to a sister. 
 Some, however, are not blessed with such a re- 
 
 s
 
 194 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 
 
 lation at all ; in others, difference of years and of 
 temperament preclude that intimate and equal 
 union which belongs to friends ; and whatever 
 the cause, the result is certain, that very many 
 young girls select their friends from amongst 
 comparative strangers. 
 
 I have used the word select advisedly, because 
 friendship, to be worthy of the name, must be a 
 distinguishing regard. We must know why we 
 love, if our affection is to be of the slightest 
 value. 
 
 How then is a young girl to select a friend? 
 What are the qualities you may reasonably de- 
 sire her to possess ? Do you see in your pro- 
 posed confidante a dutiful daughter, a kind 
 sister, a gentle and charitable acquaintance? 
 You may feel sure that in acquiring the friend- 
 ship of such a being you acquire an invaluable 
 blessing. But if, on the other hand, you choose 
 your friend only because you imagine she likes 
 or admires you ; if you hear her speak snap- 
 pishly to her own sister, or in the spirit of de- 
 traction of some casual acquaintance, ask your- 
 self what there can be in you so to enchain her
 
 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 195 
 
 affections that she will not censure you behind 
 your back, or utter some harsh speech to your 
 face, when the novelty of your acquaintance 
 has worn off? 
 
 In forming a friendship, be sure you are not 
 led away by flattery : whether want of judg- 
 ment or want of truth be the cause of an ac- 
 quaintance praising you for virtues you do not 
 possess, and for making light of errors you are 
 conscious of having committed, such a woman, 
 however agreeable as an acquaintance, cannot 
 be safe as a friend. On the other hand, has she 
 differed from you in opinion, or pointed out an 
 eiTor in your judgment not to others, but to 
 yourself in the intimacy of a tete-a-tete, you 
 may feel that reliance on her truth which will 
 insure at least that necessary ingredient in 
 every durable affection. It is true, esteem is a 
 sentiment which does not include love; but 
 there can be no real love without esteem. To 
 unite two rational beings in the bonds of friend- 
 ship there must be some similarity of characters, 
 tastes, and feelings, and last, but not least, 
 some equality in position. Some beings are so
 
 196 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 
 
 happily gifted that to know is to love them : 
 they carry such a charm about with them that 
 
 " Friends in all the aged they meet, 
 And lovers in the young." 
 
 But few comparatively are gifted with this win- 
 ning way, and the majority of womankind cer- 
 tainly have to prove their regard for others if 
 they would elicit kindly feelings in return. 
 The duties of friendship are reciprocal. If we 
 expect truth from others, we must practise it 
 ourselves ; and this we are far from doing as com- 
 pletely to comparative strangers as to our own 
 relatives. The fact is, there is a vast deal of 
 involuntary deception in the world. So natural 
 is it to wish to stand well with the world, that 
 unconsciously we put on a different manner, as 
 well as dress, for visitors. Is not this true ? Do 
 we not control our tempers to strangers, and pass 
 over an act of carelessness as a misfortune, and 
 show a degree of interest in a stupid story, 
 and in many other ways exert ourselves to please 
 them, when we would neither incur the exer- 
 tion, nor endure the restraint, for the sake of 
 our own family. Is it not a pity that such
 
 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 197 
 
 things should occur? that we should think less 
 of the happiness of those with whom our lives 
 are to be passed than of those whose acquaint- 
 ance may end to-morrow. Thus, in fact, we 
 appear to the stranger in a character totally 
 different from our real one ; nor have we any 
 right to reproach an acquaintance with incon- 
 sistency if she withdraws herself from one who 
 proves, on a nearer view, a perfectly different 
 person to her whose amiability and flattery 
 first aroused a sentiment of regard. There 
 can be no stability in any union in which 
 deception forms the basis ; it is therefore wise 
 and politic, no less than honourable, to appear 
 what we are, or at all events, not knowingly to 
 assume virtues we are conscious of not possess- 
 ing, for the sake even of gaining a friend. 
 
 Another leading cause of the breaking up of 
 half the friendships of girls is the familiarity 
 with which they treat each other. Never was 
 there a truer saying than that one, " Too much 
 familiarity breeds contempt." To many persons 
 no positive amount of vice is more repulsive 
 than a free, bravadoing familiarity, which vio- 
 
 s 2
 
 198 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 
 
 lates without the smallest apology all recognised 
 rules of society. Cowper says 
 
 " The friend who calls you Tom and Jack, 
 And proves (by thumps upon your hack) 
 
 How he esteems your merit : 
 la such a friend, that one had need 
 Be very much his friend indeed, 
 
 To pardon or to bear it." 
 
 And the poet was right. No amount of inti- 
 macy can excuse or sanction a deliberate neglect 
 of the courtesies of life. To intrude, bongre, 
 malgre, into the private apartments of a friend, 
 to criticise her dress and appearance, above 
 all, to be guilty of any of those romping ebulli- 
 tions of spirits which may be pardonable in a 
 very young girl at school, but which are not 
 expected in young women, all these are viola- 
 tions of taste and propriety which no wish to 
 remain friendly can be sufficiently strong to 
 counterbalance. Indeed, a girl of sense, with a 
 real feeling of regard for her friend, will not only 
 feel hurt on her own account by such want of 
 breeding, but she will be grieved at the impres- 
 sion such conduct must make on the general so- 
 ciety. No real friend can possibly wish to see the
 
 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 199 
 
 being she loves degraded in the esteem of others. 
 It is a part of real affection to be unselfish to 
 desire the welfare of the beloved rather than its 
 own ; and the same love which will enable a girl 
 to pardon the errors of her friend will make her 
 solicitous beyond anything for their correction. 
 If then you are so happy as to find such a friend, 
 
 " Grapple her to thy soul with hooks of steel." 
 Guard your own conduct towards her, and let 
 it justify her regard. Endeavour to let all your 
 reunions have some improving tendency ; make 
 a resolution (and keep to it) that scandal and 
 detraction form no part of your occupation 
 when together, but rather seek for some intel- 
 lectual subject of mutual interest to discuss, some 
 book to read, or some piece of music to prac- 
 tise, which shall occupy you more profitably 
 than talking of the concerns of others. 
 
 When, as it sometimes happens, you are the 
 friend of two young ladies who are mutually 
 acquainted, perhaps even more intimately than 
 you are with either of them, you may have a 
 part to act which will give you the power of 
 doing considerable good or evil. In such cir-
 
 200 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 
 
 cumstarices, remember, that to reveal to one what 
 the other did not intend should be revealed, is 
 a breach of confidence only to be justified by 
 some very powerful motive. If you are doubt- 
 ful whether it is a .matter of duty to repeat a 
 certain con versatioh, c or relate such an action, 
 examine your own motives rigidly. Ask your- 
 self whether it be not rather a love of import- 
 ance, or a mere liking for scandal, than anything 
 else which tempts you to speak. Ask your- 
 self what good can result from the revelation ; 
 and bethink yourself of the " blessing " pro- 
 nounced on peacemakers. "The tale-bearer," 
 says the Bible, " revealeth secrets ; but he that 
 is of a faithful spirit concealeth a matter." If 
 your spirit be a faithful one, you will hesitate 
 long before you make known to one person 
 what is said by another; you should be very 
 well convinced not only that it is right it should 
 be known, but that you are the right and fit 
 person to give the information, before you ven- 
 ture on opening the floodgates of strife. 
 
 The silly jealousy which some girls affect to- 
 wards those for whom they profess regard would
 
 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 201 
 
 be almost too absurd for notice, did we not see 
 annoying results occasionally arise from it. 
 
 To wish to monopolise the attention and the 
 conversation of one we profess to be attached 
 to is to prove, not our love, but our self-love. 
 
 " True love in this differs from gold and clay, 
 That, to divide, is not to take away. 
 Love is like understanding, which grows bright 
 Gazing on many truths." 
 
 The affection of those who, being surrounded 
 by a large circle of acquaintances and relatives, 
 yet profess a kindly feeling only to one or two, 
 is greatly to be doubted. 
 
 In your own family, even more than among 
 strangers, a nice attention to politeness is in- 
 cumbent on you. To address brothers or 
 sisters with less courtesy than visitors is an 
 error of judgment no less than of feeling. 
 Indeed, it may be laid down as a rule, that the 
 more intimate the association, the greater need 
 there is for punctilious politeness ; and I may 
 observe that the practice of it is quite as benefi- 
 cial to the recipient as to the actor. 
 
 Avoid all roughness of language in your in-
 
 202 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 
 
 tercourse with your family. Civility costs no- 
 thing, but it endears those who practise it to all 
 about them. 
 
 Towards sisters, however, something more 
 than mere politeness is required. Members of 
 the same family, and generally brought up 
 together, it is wonderful that any cause of dis- 
 union should ever arise between them. That it 
 is so is greatly to be deplored, and much may 
 be done to avoid it. In the first place, let each 
 one remember that the Almighty, who has made 
 every leaf of a tree to differ from the others, has 
 created human beings all with various tempers 
 and peculiarities. Some may be in accordance 
 with our own ; some may be peculiarly disagree- 
 able ; but we may be very sure that every one 
 has some virtue, which we have only to seek to 
 discover, whilst a knowledge of our own hearts 
 will tell us this great fact, that we can never see 
 in the conduct of others so much evil as we 
 know to exist in our own hearts. Self-knowledge 
 will teach us to think very humbly of ourselves 
 and very gently of others ; and what can con- 
 duce to domestic happiness more than this spirit ?
 
 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 203 
 
 A habit of criticising others, and finding fault 
 with them, even in jest, is so apt to develope 
 itself into an odious spirit of gossip and scandal 
 that no young girl who values happiness will 
 indulge in it. To some the gift of uttering 
 witty speeches offers a great temptation to in- 
 dulge in this pernicious habit. 
 
 " The ' girl ' renowned for repartee 
 Will seldom scruple to make free 
 
 With friendship's finest feeling ; 
 Will thrust a dagger in your breast, 
 And say she wounded you in jest, 
 By way of balm for healing." 
 
 But such a girl cannot expect to be beloved, 
 even by her own family : it remains for her to 
 determine whether it is worth while to lose her 
 friend for the sake of a bon-mot. 
 
 Practical jokes should always be avoided by 
 those who seek domestic happiness. Seldom do 
 they prove a source of enjoyment to any but the 
 perpetrators, and to many they will give deadly 
 offence. 
 
 Infirmities of temper are a great misfortune, 
 but infinitely more to the transgressor than to 
 those who suffer the wrong. What can equal
 
 204 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 
 
 the remorse we feel when conscious that some 
 ebullition of violence has degraded us, and 
 alienated, perhaps for ever, some one whom we 
 really love ? How often are real nobleness and 
 a spirit of self-sacrifice associated with a violent 
 temper ! and how many efforts are frequently 
 made to repair an evil committed ! Too fre- 
 quently, however, sisters appear to have a plea- 
 sure in aggravating this irritability. They think 
 it " fine fun " to see Mary or Ellen in a rage. 
 Is this womanly? Were that sister suffering 
 from bodily illness, her tormentors would pro- 
 bably be the first to soothe her. Are the 
 maladies of the mind less painful or less difficult 
 of cure ? Shall the wound be increased by the 
 hand of a sister ? Forbid it womanhood, Christi- 
 anity, every sisterly virtue and sentiment. 
 
 On the other hand, to indulge in such a temper 
 as I am speaking of, or even under great provo- 
 cation to give way to it, is sadly wrong. We 
 may, in a fit of temper, commit some act, or 
 utter some speech, for which we shall never 
 forgive ourselves, though the sufferer may pardon 
 us. The uncertainty of life ought, in itself, to
 
 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 205 
 
 be a powerful motive to us to restrain our tem- 
 pers, since who shall say that the friend we 
 have wounded will live to grant, or we to receive 
 pardon? 
 
 The spirit (misnomered a high one) which will 
 not suffer a fallible mortal to confess her falli- 
 bility, and to say, ' ' I am sorry" for a fault, is 
 one, in fact, of the most paltry that can be dis- 
 played : an error confessed will always meet 
 with pardon ; but who shall believe a girl 
 repentant whose looks, words, and attitudes 
 breathe defiance rather than regret ? Repent- 
 ance is, indeed, frequently all the reparation we 
 can offer to our fellow-creatures. 
 
 A spirit of detraction, a trick of saying little 
 spiteful things about our young companions, is 
 so common among our sex, that, to our shame 
 be it spoken, the whole race of women are 
 branded with it. In fact, for one woman to 
 admit any perfection in another, or miss the 
 opportunity of uttering some tale of scandal 
 against her, is extremely rare. Say that a girl 
 is unquestionably lovely her dress is said to be 
 in bad taste, or her hand is too large, or in
 
 206 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 
 
 short, there is always something to find fault 
 with. Now, we do not find this petty spirit in 
 the other sex ; a man who condescended to such 
 meanness would be hooted out of society. I 
 believe, really, women do this more for the sake 
 of talking than from the wish to do mischief; 
 and therefore especially it is well for them to 
 cultivate their minds, and so find some better 
 subject for their tongues. 
 
 Much may be done by one or two young 
 p ople, really resolute to stop this scandal. 
 Some absent friend is spoken of slightingly; 
 let those who know and love her produce some 
 contrary evidence ; let them speak of her good 
 qualities, and, in short, show the reverse of the 
 medal. Example will be found as contagious 
 in good as in evil. 
 
 A sister's duties to a brother are of the most 
 important character. Never should she lose 
 sight of the fact that he has far more tempta- 
 tion to wander than herself, and that it is wisdom 
 and happiness so to render his home attractive 
 that he will not seek pleasure elsewhere. Take 
 an interest in his pursuits ; listen to his tales
 
 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 207 
 
 of his companions; be ready to put away a 
 favourite book or piece of work, if by playing a 
 game at chess, or accompanying him on the 
 piano, you can please and oblige him. In a 
 thousand ways you can show your affection and 
 regard ; do not lose an opportunity of doing so. 
 Be ready to receive in good part any advice he 
 may give you. Even if not much older than 
 yourself, he probably knows far more of the 
 world ; and a man's sister is so sacred and hal- 
 lowed a being to him, that many things he would 
 pass over in others he would feel pained by her 
 doing. 
 
 Younger brothers should be especial objects 
 of a sister's tenderness at the age when they. are 
 rather considered in the way of every one else. 
 That is the time when they may be most warmly 
 attached; and who shall say what is the blessing 
 of being really beloved by a brother ? 
 
 In your intercourse with parents, it should be 
 your aim to share their troubles, diminish their 
 cares, and soothe their sufferings. Too often a 
 sort of separate interest arises between parent 
 and child ; the father, especially, is looked upon
 
 208 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 
 
 more as a sort of banker than in any other light. 
 All this is wrong, and can conduce only to 
 misery. How many of a parent's anxieties 
 would be lessened, did the daughters either aid 
 in the house or in the business ; did they feel 
 that " good to thee includes good to me ;" that 
 if the income is a limited one, a little exertion 
 on the daughter's part might save, if it did not 
 add to the amount ; that strangers need not be 
 employed in offices of trust, when daughters, 
 able and willing, could take their place ! 
 
 That much abused class, servants, would share 
 with others in the benefits of the new order of 
 things. Constituted as society is just now, with 
 a majority of beings who are so proud of being 
 ladies that they forget all the duties of woman- 
 hood, it is rather a wonder that servants, as a 
 class, should not be worse, rather than that they 
 are no better. Can anything exceed the thought- 
 lessness with which strong healthy girls fre- 
 quently tax the exhausted, wearied servant to do 
 something for them which they could do far 
 better for themselves? And then the ungra- 
 cious thanks, or no thanks, the poor girl gets !
 
 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 
 
 Servants may torment us, but we do a great 
 deal ourselves towards teaching them to do so. 
 "We expect all sorts of virtues and excellencies 
 from them, with their limited education, that 
 we should find it hard to practise ourselves. 
 
 The young ladies in a family should be ready 
 not only to check accounts and make a pie or 
 pudding, and give out the linen, and so forth, 
 but they should be able to show a servant how 
 to do every part of her work, to scrub a room, 
 and clean a knife, if necessary. If you have 
 not learned this, the sooner you do so the better. 
 All these domestic duties are particularly in- 
 cumbent on those who intend emigrating ; and 
 indeed to all who wish to be wives, mothers, and 
 mistresses of families, this will be found the most 
 valuable of all knowledge. Men cannot marry 
 now-a-days, because a wife is really too expensive 
 a luxury. A girl has no idea of either earning 
 or saving, How, then, can a prudent man think 
 of marrying ? Dickens' child-wife, Dora, is not, 
 I fear, quite such a fancy sketch as she is sup- 
 posed ; but with the greater intelligence of the 
 age larger views ought to be taken of these mat- 
 
 T2
 
 210 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 
 
 ters, and girls should be educated to meet the 
 probable requirements of their position. 
 
 Home ! sweet home ! Cultivate a love of in- 
 nocent pleasure, of the happiness that can be en- 
 joyed without the accessories of an evening dress 
 and a crowd of strangers. Let the hospitality 
 exercised be rather frequent than magnificent. 
 Rooms never used but for parties a whole 
 household disarranged for weeks for the sake of 
 receiving, once a year, five hundred dear friends 
 close economy practised in private for the 
 sake of ostentation in public these are vul- 
 garisms which are too often instigated by 
 daughters, and always submitted to by parents 
 from a kind though mistaken view to their in- 
 terests. Show your parents that these are not 
 the pleasures you covet; be occupied, and 
 therefore happy, in your own family, and rely 
 on it, that the world will be a fairer and better 
 thing to you than to less sensible women. 
 
 " Wouldst thcra the purest pleasures know ? 
 
 Above, around, beneath thee look ! 
 E'en at thy very feet they grow, 
 And sparkle in the humblest brook.
 
 FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 211 
 
 There's not a green sequestered nook, 
 
 If decked with one sweet flower of spring, 
 
 But nature, in her mighty book, 
 Hath marked it as a joyous thing. 
 
 Old is the thought, the moral trite, 
 
 (But oh, how slighted and forgot !) 
 That Nature's glories give delight 
 
 The glories of the world cannot. 
 How much of beauty, grace, and joy 
 
 Lie clasped within a folded rose ! 
 Nay, of delight that will not cloy 
 
 In the last trembling flower that blows. 
 
 In love, in truth, in knowledge lie 
 
 Our noblest strength, our richesb wealth : 
 What painted gaud of art can vie 
 
 With Nature's rose of joy and health ? 
 No pearl was e'er the diver's prize, 
 
 No gem the toiling miner's meed, 
 Like the pure light from virtue's eyes, 
 
 Which God makes beautiful indeed !"
 
 212 
 
 CHAP. XII. 
 
 FEMININE FOIBLES. 
 
 " Since trifles make the sum of human things, 
 And half our misery from our ' foibles ' springs : 
 Since life's best joys consist of peace and ease, 
 And few can save, or serve, but all may please, 
 
 Oh let th' ungentle spirit learn from hence 
 A small nukindness is a great offence." 
 
 Miss H. MORE. 
 
 THERE are certain cant phrases in the world 
 which have more influence on us than they 
 ought to have, or than they would possess, were 
 we coolly to investigate their signification. 
 Amongst these stands that very equivocal sen- 
 tence, " A proper pride." To inculcate a senti- 
 ment of " proper pride " in a young woman, 
 seems so universal that we are almost tempted 
 to suppose there existed an eleventh command- 
 ment that we should be proud. But the advice 
 is bad or good just according to the sense in 
 which we take the words. What is a proper
 
 FEMININE FOIBLES. 213 
 
 pride ? Is it that honourable self-respect which 
 would forbid our doing anything contrary to 
 our profession as Christian gentlewomen, 
 which would prevent us from condescending to 
 act or tell a falsehood, or in any way counten- 
 ance deception ? which would forbid our prying 
 into the secrets of others, glancing over an 
 open letter, or putting a leading question to a 
 dependant, or any one supposed to be in a se- 
 cret ? Is it that true courage which would in- 
 duce us to own poverty and not be ashamed of 
 it, to confess that we cannot afford to join in 
 some party of pleasure or scheme of amusement, 
 because we are not so rich as our companions ? 
 if this be our pride, it is an honourable 
 feeling. 
 
 But if our " proper pride," on the contrary, 
 leads us only to make use of all sorts of devices 
 to keep up appearances, but tempts us into acts 
 of meanness or extravagance, in order to appear 
 well with the world ; or if it causes us to blush 
 at being discovered in some homely domestic 
 occupation, or endeavouring to add to the com- 
 forts of our parents by our labour, this feeling is
 
 214 FEUIIXIXE POIBLES. 
 
 anything but a desirable one ; on the contrary, 
 it is a sentiment which should be repressed by 
 all our most strenuous exertions, since nothing 
 tends more to destroy the peace of families than 
 this most unhappy "false pride." In matters 
 of importance it frequently injures us most 
 seriously. Thousands of women who are now 
 eating the bitter bread of dependence in the 
 miserable undefined position of "poor rela- 
 tions," might be earning a comfortable liveli- 
 hood, respected by others and happy in them- 
 selves, could they but persuade themselves to lay 
 aside their false pride. In matters of trivial 
 consequence the effects of this pride are more 
 often ludicrous to spectators than otherwise. A 
 girl, with no pretension to high rank or station, 
 cannot be seen doing this, or that, or the other 
 thing; she cannot carry a parcel, or make a 
 pudding, or do any other useful act, because it 
 is not " genteel," forgetting that the conduct and 
 the manners prove the gentlewoman, and that a 
 lady will always be recognised as such, no matter 
 what her occupation or her toilette. 
 
 Now the error here is no less an one than
 
 FEMININE FOIBLES. 215 
 
 WANT of PRINCIPLE. Did we accustom ourselves 
 to consider simply what is right, instead of what 
 is fashionable, what God will approve rather 
 than what our acquaintances will admire, we 
 should furnish ourselves with such a rule of 
 right that no sophistry could lead us into error. 
 But women are peculiarly apt to be led by cus- 
 tom, and to find " everybody does so-and-so " a 
 sufficient excuse for doing wrong themselves. 
 
 For this reason they sacrifice so much to ap- 
 pearances, and involve themselves in all sorts of 
 difficulties to outshine their acquaintances in 
 dress, entertainments, and expense. 
 
 For no better reason than the dread of the 
 sneers of the foolish they too frequently refuse 
 the means of honourable independence, lest they 
 should be looked down upon by those whose 
 good opinion, assuredly, is not worth having. 
 For this paltry ' ' What will the world say ?" un- 
 happily they will also allow themselves to be 
 entangled in a course of danger and difficulty, 
 and be led in many ways to violate the dictates 
 of their conscience to please some one whose ap- 
 probation they prefer to that of their own heart.
 
 21C FEMININE FOIBLES. 
 
 There can be but one safe guide to us in any 
 matter in which the opinion of the world is in- 
 volved. Is it in accordance with the Bible, or 
 in violation of it ? Ask yourself this question, 
 and, having answered it to your own satisfac- 
 tion, let nothing induce you to swerve from the 
 right path. 
 
 It is a great pity that the principle of honour, 
 which is inculcated so strenuously in the educa- 
 tion of men should have so little place in that of 
 our sex. Men are restrained from many contempt- 
 ible acts by their being stamped as " dishonour- 
 able " in the absence of a higher motive, this 
 ought to suffice for women also, since the propa- 
 gation of a tale of scandal, the indulgence of 
 curiosity (proverbially feminine !), and many 
 other paltry actions, prohibited to them from 
 childhood, are certainly quite as disgraceful in 
 women as they can be in men, and often even 
 more mischievous. 
 
 Another feminine propensity, always indicat- 
 ing want of sense, and often leading to want of 
 principle, is a love of bargains. " Tremendous 
 sacrifice !" " Selling off under prime cost !"
 
 FEMININE FOIBLES. 217 
 
 seem to have charms for the most rational of 
 our countrywomen. To get a bargain is the glory 
 of many a woman ; and the announcement of a 
 sale seems a signal for her to set aside all consi- 
 derations of prudence for the sake of a pur- 
 chase. 
 
 Now, were women to have the power only 
 over their own money, it would signify little to 
 any one but themselves how uselessly they 
 might spend it ; but as the funds of others are 
 frequently under their control, this love of spend- 
 ing becomes a serious evil. 
 
 In shopping, make up your mind as to what 
 you want before you set out, ask for it in as 
 clear terms as you can, and resolve not to see 
 anything you do not want. It will save you 
 from temptation, and the shopkeeper from loss 
 of time and disappointment ; for what can be 
 more annoying, nay, even more dishonest, than 
 to occupy the morning of the assistants in a 
 shop, and then walk off, without, by any ade- 
 quate purchase, remunerating them for their loss 
 of time ? It is one of the most heartless and un- 
 principled things a woman can do; and it is 
 
 u
 
 218 FEMININE FOIBLES. 
 
 just one of those things that men always cite as 
 instances of the selfishness and want of princi- 
 ple of the sex. 
 
 AFFECTATION is another feminine foible, quite 
 as productive of misery as any other. Fears of 
 the most harmless animals or insects, fear of 
 the sight of a wound, and a thousand other 
 affected terrors, are either assumed solely for the 
 purpose of looking interesting, or, if real, are the 
 result of a bad habit, fostered by injudicious 
 treatment. Now, did the mischief of this af- 
 fectation end in merely disgusting the sensible 
 and displeasing the wise, it would be quite bad 
 enough ; but there are very few of us who, at 
 some portion or other of our existence, may not 
 be placed in circumstances where our own lives 
 and those of others may be endangered by the 
 want of presence of mind; and if we do not 
 strive to command ourselves in little dangers, 
 we cannot rely upon our nerve when in the pre- 
 sence of real peril. 
 
 Depend upon it the women whose courage and 
 heroism have formed the glory and pride of our 
 sex had habituated themselves to self-control at
 
 FEMININE FOIBLES. 219 
 
 all times; and had not to learn, when death 
 stared them in the face, how to control their 
 fears and put their energies to account. When 
 Miss Fearon (Lady Palmer) kept by her gallant 
 father's side as he stood on the burning deck of 
 the " KENT," and saw every man and woman into 
 the boats before they prepared for their own es- 
 cape, think you it was her first effort to control the 
 natural timidity of woman ? Was it not rather 
 the effect of long self-discipline, as well as natu- 
 ral courage ? True, some natures are naturally 
 more fearless than others ; but whilst the bravest 
 may allow themselves to become cowards if they 
 lose their self-control, it only needs a strong will 
 to enable even the timid to show courage in the 
 time of danger. 
 
 Only the beginnings of evil, in this as in all 
 other follies, must be checked. Habituate 
 yourself to preserving your presence of mind in 
 the trifling alarms which are continually occur- 
 ring. Seek to be calm and resolute in the 
 midst of peril, which is a very different thing to 
 rushing needlessly into danger. Remember 
 there is no natural defect of character which re-
 
 220 FEMININE FOIBLES. 
 
 solution and perseverance will not conquer. 
 Demosthenes, one of the greatest orators of 
 ancient times, had naturally a defect in his 
 speech ; Nelson, our great admiral, never 
 throughout his career went to sea without suf- 
 fering from mal de mer. To less brave and re- 
 solute spirits such constitutional defects would 
 have been insurmountable difficulties. Does 
 our feminine fear present a more insurmount- 
 able obstacle ? 
 
 Yet some women, from giving way to idle 
 apprehensions, become a real torment to them- 
 selves and a source of annoyance and danger to 
 others. 
 
 Only recently a boat was upset and the lives 
 of a boating party were endangered by the folly 
 of one girl jumping up in the boat. Every one 
 of the party was immersed in the water, and 
 narrowly escaped drowning. What would have 
 been the self-reproaches of the cause of this 
 calamity had fatal consequences ensued ? 
 
 I know more than one lady with whom it is 
 positive pain to drive in a cab. Not another 
 vehicle approaches, but a little shriek announces
 
 FEMININE FOIBLES. 221 
 
 the fact ; not a corner is turned, but your arm 
 is seized, and she exhibits every symptom of 
 hysterics. Is not this contemptible folly ? She 
 cannot help it now, it is true ; but, had she 
 checked herself as a girl, could she not have 
 learned to control her fears and prevent excla- 
 mations the more foolish that they are far more 
 likely to accelerate than to prevent a catastrophe ? 
 In illness, also, the want of self-command 
 endangers many a valuable life. In fact, there 
 are no circumstances of danger or difficulty in 
 which calm resolution and courage will not be 
 of benefit, and weak cowardice injurious to you. 
 Study, therefore, in little things to maintain 
 perfect self-possession vulgarly speaking, to 
 have all your wits about you. The habit will 
 be invaluable when real danger presents itself. 
 Never, either from weakness or the wish to be 
 interesting, give way to these feminine weak- 
 nesses, and remember that the poet says, 
 
 " And yet, believe me, good as well as ill, 
 Woman's at best a contradiction still ! 
 Heaven, when it strives to polish all it can, 
 Its last, best work, but forms a softer man." 
 
 u2
 
 222 
 
 CHAP. XIII. 
 
 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE? 
 
 ' Seest thou a man diligent in his business, he shall stand 
 before kings j he shall not stand before mean men." 
 
 THE history of all ages abounds with examples 
 of reverses of fortune by which the prince is 
 reduced to beggary, and the labourer becomes 
 possessed of untold wealth. In a great com- 
 mercial country like England, such vicissitudes 
 of fortune are even more common than among 
 many other nations. How many of the greatest 
 as well as the wealthiest men of the past and the 
 present generation have risen from the most 
 obscure position, and by genius or indomitable 
 industry, or by extraordinary commercial talent 
 and unflinching rectitude, have made for them- 
 selves a position among the greatest and noblest 
 of the land ! 
 
 But inasmuch as it is ever easier to descend a
 
 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE? 223 
 
 mountain than to climb to its summit, so there 
 are many more examples of loss of fortune than 
 of winning its great prizes. Very few of us but 
 could point out in our own immediate circle 
 families who, from a state of comparative afflu- 
 ence, are reduced to circumstances which com- 
 pel them to economise in every possible way ; 
 who first laid down their carriages, then dis- 
 missed one or two servants, and finally have 
 been obliged to seek to earn as well as to save ; 
 when the education which has been given to the 
 daughters, and any talents which they are pre- 
 sumed to possess, begin to be considered as a 
 part of their still remaining property, a source 
 of income to themselves and families. 
 
 And happy, indeed, may those daughters be 
 considered, who in such a season of trial dis- 
 cover that they have the power of alleviating the 
 cares and contributing to the comforts of their 
 parents. Happy, too, the parents who have so 
 trained the minds and cultivated the hearts of 
 their children, as to have earned that filial love 
 and affectionate devotion which will make the 
 hardest trial a pleasure, and the most painful
 
 224 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE? 
 
 duty a privilege. If affliction serves to elicit 
 the grateful devotion of our family, it is indeed 
 but a blessing in disguise. 
 
 To return, however, to the subject with which 
 our chapter is headed Dependence or Inde- 
 pendence? We will suppose that from any 
 vicissitude of fortune a young lady finds herself 
 under the necessity of earning her own living, or 
 contributing her share to the general expenses of 
 the family. The first earnest question naturally 
 is, " What shall I do ? " and the reply almost 
 invariably, "I must become a governess." It 
 may safely be assumed, in ninety-nine cases out 
 of every hundred, that the career of a gover- 
 ness is the one chosen both by the debutante 
 and her friends. Various reasons may be as- 
 signed for this predilection, but the principal 
 are, first, the good education the young lady has 
 received ; and secondly, the prevalent idea that 
 the position of a governess is superior in respec- 
 tability to any other by which a woman can 
 earn a livelihood. There is some truth, and a 
 good deal of error in both these assumptions. 
 A girl's education may have been very good, and
 
 her abilities may be equal to those of the gene- 
 rality of her young friends nay, she may even 
 possess very superior talents, and more than 
 ordinary acquirements, and she may still be 
 entirely unfit for the position of a governess. 
 To know, and to be able to communicate know- 
 ledge, are two very different things, and by no 
 means necessarily coexistent. It is very diffi- 
 cult, however, to convince a young girl of this 
 truth. In her idea, to have learned and to be 
 able to teach are synonymous. Hence, she 
 always assumes that she is competent to under- 
 take the duties of a governess, although it may 
 happen that she never, in her life, gave a lesson, 
 or bestowed one thought on education. 
 
 But the greatest reason why the career of a 
 governess is selected is the idea that no other is 
 open to a gentlewoman. To accept any other 
 would be to lose caste ; therefore, however unfit 
 a girl may be for so trying a situation, however 
 delicate her health, however unregulated her 
 temper, however inferior her attainments, if she 
 is to earn her bread at all, she must do so as a 
 governess, because she and her family would be
 
 226 DEPENDENCE OB INDEPENDENCE? 
 
 degraded by her entering trade. In very many 
 cases, indeed, parents will stint themselves and 
 limit in every way their own comfort, to edu- 
 cate their daughters at an expensive boarding- 
 school, with the view to their afterwards becom- 
 ing governesses, in the hope of their improving 
 their social position by mingling in society 
 superior to that of their father's house, and 
 forming connexions in a rank above their own. 
 
 This sort of reasoning sounds so well, yet has 
 so little truth to justify it, that it reminds me 
 exceedingly of the definition of a crab which was 
 nearly inserted in the dictionary of the French 
 Academy. It was described as " a red fish that 
 walks backwards." An eminent naturalist to 
 whose criticism it was submitted before going 
 to press, observed, " Your description is admi- 
 rable, it has only three trifling errors it is not 
 red, it is not a fish, and it does not walk back- 
 wards." 
 
 It is altogether an error to suppose that be- 
 cause a girl is a governess that therefore she is 
 a gentlewoman, or that (though the title may be 
 really her due) she is treated as one. It is not
 
 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE? 227 
 
 because she is called Miss So-and-so, and has 
 a seat at the table of her employers, or be- 
 cause she is introduced to society in the draw- 
 ing-room, or even because her duties are among 
 the most important in the world because she 
 stands, or ought to stand, as second only to the 
 mother in her authority over her young charges, 
 and because their happiness in life and that of 
 all who love them depends much on the efficient 
 or inefficient manner in which her duty is dis- 
 charged, that the young governess is, generally 
 speaking, considered as the equal and confiden- 
 tial friend she ought to be. The theory is 
 beautiful, but the facts are against us. Nor 
 can we greatly wonder at the false position 
 which governesses hold when we consider how 
 often they are induced by merely selfish and 
 sordid motives to seek the employment which 
 they ought to engage in only from a conviction 
 of their fitness, mental and moral, for so im- 
 portant a post. If we would be respected, we 
 must respect ourselves. 
 
 The calling of a governess is not unlike that 
 of a clergyman ; the duties of both are so ar-
 
 228 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE ? 
 
 duous that no mere salary can ever adequately 
 repay their faithful discharge. And as money 
 cannot repay it, so mere money, or personal 
 aggrandisement, should not be the only object 
 in engaging in that career. Duty which is not 
 undertaken from a higher motive will never be 
 really well performed. 
 
 It is not, therefore, altogether the fault of 
 employers that a governess does not command 
 that consideration in a house which we think 
 ought to be conceded to her. The candidates 
 for every situation are so numerous, and their de- 
 ficiencies, frequently, so palpable, that the profes- 
 sion has sunk in the public esteem. Indeed, when 
 parents, from good feeling or policy, treat the 
 young governess with kindness and respect, her 
 own conduct too frequently is such that she does 
 not retain their regard, her pride or petulance, 
 or her ignorance, revolts them, and when she 
 quits her situation they begin on a different 
 system with her successor, being disgusted with 
 the specimen they have had of a governess. 
 
 And thus, in a great measure, the position of 
 a governess, instead of being really as honour-
 
 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE? 229 
 
 able as it ought to be, has become so equivocal 
 that, in vulgar language, the instructress of the 
 family is said to be "neither fish, flesh, nor fowl;" 
 in fact, above the kitchen, and beneath the 
 drawing-room. Stories have been told, and 
 novels written, illustrative of the ill-treatment 
 of governesses; and so well are the mortifica- 
 tions and trials of this mode of life known, that 
 it is truly astonishing any one should voluntarily 
 select it. The love of supposed gentility must 
 be great indeed when it can induce loving 
 mothers and proud fathers to counsel their chil- 
 dren to encounter coldness and contempt often 
 positive hardship to attain it. But, as we are 
 addressing young people only, and not their 
 employers, we would not have dwelt upon the 
 drawbacks in the life of a governess, but in 
 defence of our position that the situation of a 
 governess is not necessarily that of a gentle- 
 woman. That governesses are not well treated 
 is a fact patent to the world ; we believe it to 
 be in a great measure their own fault, not indi- 
 vidually but as a body. If false pride and a 
 corrupt ambition lead girls to enter on a career 
 
 x
 
 230 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE? 
 
 for which they are unfit one which requires 
 the highest order of character the natural 
 consequence is, that the profession is degraded ; 
 nor will it ever regain its proper position until 
 parents become alive to the necessity of requir- 
 ing something yet higher and rarer than an ac- 
 quaintance with three or four languages, and as 
 many instruments, in the teachers of their 
 children ; and young ladies learn that whilst it 
 is a folly to accept any engagement for the du- 
 ties of which they are not competent, it is worse 
 than a folly it is a crime to do so, when their 
 incompetency may have a fatal influence on the 
 characters and the future happiness of those of 
 whom they thus recklessly undertake the re- 
 sponsibility. 
 
 If, then, they do not feel their own characters 
 as well as acquirements to be such as fit them 
 for the important post of governesses, let them 
 by all means choose some other employment. 
 " But what employment is open to us in which 
 we shall not lose caste ? We cannot embark in 
 trade ; we should cease to be considered as la- 
 dies/' is immediately the cry. Can anything be
 
 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE? 231 
 
 more truly absurd than such reasoning as this, 
 in a country whose commerce is her pride and 
 boast ? Can any argument be more thoroughly 
 inconsistent? The father and brothers of a 
 young girl may be immersed in the details of 
 business from morning until night, yet suffer 
 under no social disability ; there is no position 
 to which they may not aspire, provided their 
 business makes them wealthy ; and yet the la- 
 dies of the family must think all allusion to the 
 shop a discredit, and must on no account occupy 
 themselves with it. A woman would degrade 
 herself at once by it. Why should it be so ? 
 Would elegant manners and a cultivated mind 
 be ^qualifications for business ? So far from 
 it, that in a man they would be considered as 
 great acquisitions. Assuredly we need not 
 cease to be gentlewomen because we are engaged 
 in commerce, nor shall we be thought to have 
 done so by any whose opinion is worth having. 
 With the world in general, indeed, we have only 
 to succeed to be honoured; and we may be quite 
 sure that the position of a successful trades- 
 woman will, by nine-tenths of our acquaintances.
 
 232 DEPENDENCE OB INDEPENDENCE ? 
 
 be estimated above that of a poor governess. 
 Indeed it is only in business that we have any 
 chance of realising an independence for our old 
 age, or of increasing to any considerable amount 
 the comforts of parents or others dependant 
 upon our exertions. Nor is it unworthy of con- 
 sideration that even the subordinates in many 
 trades have, from the nature of their employ- 
 ment, advantages that no teacher can hope to 
 possess. The young governess has an amount 
 of responsibility which cannot fail to be deeply 
 impressed upon the mind of every conscientious 
 teacher. It does not even end with her engage- 
 ment, since the results of good or bad tuition 
 terminate only with life itself. Thus she is not 
 merely labouring from morning until night, but 
 her mind is on the stretch after her daily toil is 
 over. Even Sunday shines no Sabbath-day to 
 her, as far as mental relaxation is concerned, 
 for those only who have experienced it can tell 
 the positive exertion as well as the anxiety of 
 escorting two or three unruly children to 
 church, restraining their fidgetiness, compelling 
 their attention, and yourself maintaining the
 
 DEPENDENCE OB INDEPENDENCE? 233 
 
 feelings of devotion at the same time. Then 
 there are the Sunday duties to be performed at 
 home, and which the governess must superin- 
 tend, and the long tedious evening (as children 
 often think it) to be suitably occupied. Were 
 it not for the satisfaction of feeling we are 
 fulfilling a duty, we should indeed weary of 
 such a routine. Very different indeed is 
 the position of' an assistant in a business. 
 Her Sunday is at least her own, when she 
 may enjoy the transitory rest undisturbed. 
 She frequents the parish church, and her 
 thoughts and feelings of devotion are unfetter- 
 ed, her leisure is spent probably in the bosom 
 of her family, or in the delicious tranquillity of 
 her own room : she has no responsibility except 
 for herself. In the dull season she has a ho- 
 liday of a few weeks, during which she is entirely 
 free ; and at its termination she can resume her 
 labours with renewed energy. Her intercourse 
 is with minds superior to her own, with people 
 older and better acquainted with the world, and 
 every day some lesson may be learned. I am 
 supposing a young person holding a situation in
 
 234 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE ? 
 
 the house of a stranger ; "but how many girls 
 who are now earning miserable salaries as go- 
 vernesses might be happy in their own family 
 circle if they could condescend to take an active 
 part in the business of their father or brother. 
 Surely the interest they would feel in the pros- 
 perity of their family would act beneficially on 
 the affairs in which they were concerned, whilst 
 they would themselves be far v happier than \n 
 the house of a stranger. Besides, their presence 
 would be a check upon many evils ; hours that 
 were thought too long for the daughter could 
 not possibly be imposed upon the equally deli- 
 cate hired assistant ; whilst on her, too, it would 
 be a valuable check, if she displayed a tendency 
 to indolence, waste, or any other error. 
 
 So much for the benefit of remaining at home, 
 instead of going out as a governess. If it is 
 desirable for a young girl to seek a situation in 
 a house of business, she will need to be very 
 particular as to where she places herself. There 
 are, perhaps, only three in which she can desire 
 to place herself, at a milliner's, or a mercer's, or 
 in a Berlin warehouse. In every one of these an
 
 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE? 235 
 
 apprenticeship is necessary, except in some very 
 extraordinary circumstances. The time of ap- 
 prenticeship depends on the age and capabilities 
 of the young lady, from one to three years being 
 the average. The amount of premium depends 
 on the standing of the house receiving you, and 
 also on the treatment of the young people ; for 
 it is obvious that where reasonable hours of rest 
 and relaxation are granted, where food is good 
 and abundant, and the accommodation is healthy 
 and comfortable, a higher premium should be 
 paid than where the reverse of all this is the 
 case. 
 
 It is chiefly, however, in millinery establish- 
 ments that too long hours and bad accommoda- 
 tion are to be feared ; and in very many it is 
 notorious the food is so indifferent that the 
 young people have to spend considerable sums 
 in mere necessaries. There is another cruelty 
 sometimes practised; no meals, except break- 
 fast, are provided on Sunday. It is hardly pos- 
 sible to speak with sufficient severity of a prac- 
 tice so dishonest and so calculated to injure the 
 moral character as well as the comfort of the
 
 236 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE ? 
 
 young women employed. But in all engage- 
 ments made, this question should be satisfac- 
 torily answered : " Shall I be at liberty to 
 remain at home on Sunday, and shall I have 
 proper accommodation there if I do ?" 
 
 But all duties are reciprocal. If the proprie- 
 tor of an establishment has his, you have also 
 yours ; and young people are too apt to forget 
 the injunction to serve "not with eye-service, as 
 men-pleasers, but in singleness of heart serving 
 the Lord." Very many do not care how little 
 they do, provided they get through the day or 
 the week without their idleness being found out. 
 They take every opportunity to violate rules ; 
 they rise later than the prescribed time, or trifle 
 away time that belongs to their master; or 
 perhaps they grumble at working a little beyond 
 the prescribed hour, when on some rare occasion 
 the necessities of business demand extra exer- 
 tion. It is such unfaithfulness as this which 
 sometimes converts an indulgent master or mis- 
 tress into a severe one. The head of an esta- 
 blishment may be inclined to leniency and consi- 
 deration, and may do her best to render her subor-
 
 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE ? 237 
 
 dinates happy ; but if not met by them in a like 
 liberal spirit, she will finish by thinking her system 
 false, and adopt, almost perforce, the less kindly 
 rules which appear to secure better service. A 
 sort of faithfulness which is also very incumbent 
 on young ladies in business is that which will 
 lead them to disclose any decided error on the 
 part of a companion. By this I do not mean 
 that silly or malicious gossip, which is vulgarly 
 termed tittle-tattle ; but where we see very bad 
 conduct persisted in, after warning, it is our 
 duty to inform the principals of it; and the 
 knowledge that one girl will do so will prove a 
 great check on all the others. Sometimes it 
 requires no small amount of courage to do this, 
 or to enforce exertion, neatness, and obedience 
 on the juniors ; it almost appears amiable to 
 hide their faults, and when we hide them to 
 give an opportunity for amendment ; and while 
 endeavouring to bring that amendment about, 
 it really is so. But if, on the other hand, it is 
 to save ourselves from trouble, or from the an- 
 noyance of being called mischief-makers, it 
 ceases to be a virtue. It is as much an act of
 
 238 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE? 
 
 unfaithfulness as it would be to squander our 
 employer's property. 
 
 I have already spoken of TEMPER. To all 
 who would engage in business, especially, tem- 
 per may be truly said to be everything. A 
 hasty temper is productive of a thousand evils, 
 many of which are irremediable. In every situ- 
 ation of life, it is true that " a soft answer turn- 
 eth away wrath " but it is doubly so in all the 
 relations of commerce. To the juniors, the 
 exercise of that " charity which thinketh no 
 evil" should be easy; yet how often do they 
 make to themselves difficulties which they need 
 never have encountered if they had exerted a 
 little good sense and good feeling ! The family 
 meet in the morning, and the head of the house- 
 hold looks worn and anxious, perhaps a little 
 "out of temper" you fancy. She finds fault 
 with something you have done or not done, with 
 more severity than you perhaps think you de- 
 serve. Now you have two courses before you ; 
 either to use the " soft answer " which turneth 
 away wrath, to express regret if you have done 
 wrong, and a determination to do better in
 
 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE ? 239 
 
 future, and thus to create a kindly feeling be- 
 tween yourself and your employer, or to use 
 the " grievous words " which will as certainly 
 " stir up strife." Your employer may be wrong ; 
 but if so your vindication can do no good ; but 
 very likely she is right. Whoever employs the 
 services of others has an undoubted right to 
 prescribe the way in which those services shall 
 be performed; you are bound, in all lawful 
 things, to pay implicit obedience. And a little 
 right consideration of the anxieties inseparable 
 from business, from which the assistants are 
 happily exempt, will induce a kindly feeling 
 which will lead you to avoid increasing the vex- 
 ations of those about you. In this, as in all 
 else, follow the golden rule, and be sure that you 
 will reap the reward of your conduct. 
 
 Industry, sense, and temper may be consi- 
 dered the three requisites for success in business. 
 Next to them we must rank aptitude for calcu- 
 lation. No one who is not an expert arithme- 
 tician need hope to do any good in trade. It is 
 a great pity that the science of book-keeping is 
 not made a more prominent study with the
 
 240 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE? 
 
 young ladies of the present day. Very many 
 would be earning liberal salaries who can now 
 barely find bread. Why should not an English- 
 woman be as accomplished a book-keeper as 
 her French sister ? How seldom in Paris do we 
 see men acting as cashiers or book-keepers in 
 any large business. There, women are allowed 
 to be far more efficient, more safe, and more 
 trustworthy. Hundreds of Parisian women earn 
 liberal salaries as accountants. Why should we 
 not do the same ? Men are required for other 
 labours. Every day they are called on to fulfil 
 more important duties to the state and to them- 
 selves. Why should not women fit themselves 
 for such occupations as are not incompatible 
 with their sex and their abilities ? It seems to 
 me a libel on both sexes when men are handling 
 ribbons and gauzes, earning women's wages, 
 and doing women's work, while women cannot 
 find employment at all. 
 
 It is a state of things that must terminate if 
 it is not to result in misery to thousands. At 
 this moment, when tens of thousands of our 
 strongest are engaged in war, when like numbers
 
 DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE ? 241 
 
 are departing for the colonies, when labour of 
 every sort is becoming too much for the num- 
 ber of hands to perform it, it is incumbent on 
 every young girl who does not possess a fortune 
 to find some channel for the exercise of the 
 faculties with which she is endowed'; and, whe- 
 ther in her own family or in that of a stranger, 
 to have some fixed pursuit in life which shall 
 render that life itself a blessing to her and to 
 all with whom she is connected. 
 
 And let no Englishwoman in selecting her 
 occupation forget that the pride and boast of 
 her country is its COMMERCE. That all the 
 greatest institutions of our land, its schools; its 
 hospitals, its libraries, its wealth at home, and 
 the civilisation it has diffused abroad, it owes to 
 its merchants and its trade. In remembering 
 all this, she will cease to think it a degradation 
 to be termed a tradeswoman.
 
 242 
 
 CHAP. XIV. 
 
 BINTS TO GOVERNESSES. HOW TO OBTAIN A 
 SITUATION. 
 
 " A chiel's araang ye, takin' notes, 
 An' fitith he'll prent 'em." 
 
 HAVING decided that the career of a governess 
 is one for which you are qualified as well by the 
 control you possess over your temper, the steadi- 
 ness of your principles, and the cultivation of 
 your mind, as by your scholastic acquirements 
 and vigorous health, the first step towards en- 
 tering your career is, to " obtain a situation." 
 Perhaps this is so obvious you may think the 
 remark very unnecessary; however, as my book 
 is intended as a guide to the reader, and on this 
 subject, even more than any other, I speak 
 from actual experience, and from a knowledge 
 of the difficulty of procuring a suitable situation, 
 I propose to notice the various methods by 
 which engagements are usually obtained.
 
 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 243 
 
 In the first place, most of you have friends, 
 who may be in a position to interest themselves 
 among their connexions, to obtain for you a 
 situation. Some who have not a large acquaint- 
 ance, or whose friends may not have the power 
 to aid them, advertise through the medium of 
 the papers. Others, again, seeing advertise- 
 ments of " Governess Institution and Governess 
 Agency," in the "Times" and other papers, apply 
 to one or more of the parties so advertising. It 
 is my wish to give a candid opinion of the ad- 
 vantages and disadvantages of these different 
 plans. 
 
 The first commends itself especially so far as 
 that you have none of the trouble and expense 
 of advertising, and you are also probably met 
 with a feeling somewhat more friendly than you 
 could expect from entire strangers. A lady who 
 is already in some degree acquainted with your- 
 self and family through mutual friends may feel 
 from the beginning an interest in your welfare, 
 and be disposed to treat you with more indul- 
 gence than she would a person of whose ante- 
 cedents she is in ignorance. So far it is well.
 
 244 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 
 
 It is the golden side of the shield ; but, as the 
 Italians say, " Ogni medaglio ha il suo reverso." 
 Supposing that you do not entirely suit your 
 employer, or do not feel happy in your engage- 
 ment, the difficulty of leaving it with a kindly 
 feeling on both sides is enhanced a hundred-fold 
 by the circumstance of your having mutual 
 acquaintances. The lady who has introduced 
 you to each other will naturally be annoyed at 
 finding that her exertions have been in vain; 
 and whichever side she believes to be right, the 
 other party will think her unjust; none of the 
 three, perhaps, remembering that there are 
 usually faults on both sides, and that, indeed, 
 people may not be suited to live with each 
 other, and yet neither party be extraordinarily 
 deficient in sense or temper. Thus old friend- 
 ships may be destroyed which, had no party- 
 feeling arisen, would have lasted as long as life 
 itself. This is the chief but not the only incon- 
 venience which is apt to arise from seeking a 
 situation through the recommendation of friends. 
 Besides this, there is the frequent delay in hear- 
 ing of an- opening, the offence some patronising
 
 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 245 
 
 friends are inclined to feel if you do not accept 
 any engagement they may offer you, however 
 unsuited to your wishes, attainments, and cha- 
 racter. As a general rule, therefore, I should 
 never advise a reliance on this mode of obtaining 
 a situation. 
 
 The second is by an advertisement in the 
 papers; and, now that the duty is taken off, this 
 plan is very much less expensive than it used to 
 be. Still it is very uncertain, and involves con- 
 siderable delay, as, after putting in one adver- 
 tisement you must wait a few days to see what 
 replies you receive before you go to the expense 
 of another. Several of your answers, too, may 
 be to appoint interviews at different places at 
 nearly the same time, and then omnibuses > cabs, 
 and postage cost a great deal at a time when 
 you can perhaps very ill afford it. Besides this, 
 the disclosures of the last few years have shown 
 that it is quite as necessary for you to ascertain 
 the character of those who may wish to engage 
 you, as for them to be acquainted with yours. 
 It is certainly never advisable for a young lady 
 to go to a strange house, unless it is the resi- 
 
 Y2
 
 246 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 
 
 dence of some well known family, without hav- 
 ing inquired the position and character of its 
 inmates. If she has no father or brother to do 
 this for her, she may safely ask of any respecta- 
 ble tradesman in the neighbourhood if such and 
 such a family is known to them, if it is a good 
 one, if the governess and servants remain with 
 them for any length of time? In doing so, 
 state that you are seeking a situation there, 
 which will not only prevent you from being con- 
 sidered impertinently curious, but will also in- 
 duce respectable persons to give you more accu- 
 rate information than they would otherwise be 
 inclined to afford a stranger. 
 
 Do not, if you can possibly avoid it, engage 
 with any one who has frequent changes in the 
 household. "Meddle not with those that are 
 given to change," is an apostolic maxim which 
 in this, as in all the other affairs of life, you will 
 be entirely safe in following. 
 
 With regard to the papers in which it is de- 
 sirable to advertise, your choice must depend on 
 the sort of family you wish to enter. The 
 "Morning Post" and "Court Journal" are
 
 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 247 
 
 papers which address themselves exclusively to 
 the aristocracy, and if your own station in life, 
 your acquirements and your manners justify you 
 in seeking a situation in a nobleman's family, 
 they are unquestionably the best mediums. If 
 it be an object with you to enter the family of a 
 clergyman, the " Record " is the most suitable ; 
 and if a dissenter's, the "Wesleyan Times;" 
 whilst all classes seek and find what they want in 
 the " Times." With regard to this last, we must 
 not forget that in the multitude of advertisements 
 one (which may happen to be our own one) is 
 apt to be overlooked. There are days, too, 
 which are better than other days for advertising. 
 Among those who spend annually hundreds or 
 thousands in advertisements, Saturdays and 
 Mondays are held to be best. It is always 
 optional with you to name the day on which 
 you wish your advertisement to appear. 
 
 In drawing up an advertisement make your 
 statement in all respects as plain and truthful as 
 possible ; let it also be to the 1 purpose, and avoid 
 anything which will give the reader a handle for 
 a jest. I am addressing only young persons;
 
 248 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 
 
 but it may serve to illustrate my meaning if I 
 remark the absurdity of a governess beginning 
 her advertisement thus: "A young lady of 
 thirty-five wishes for a situation/' &c. &c. 
 
 Always write an advertisement with the 
 greatest care; say nothing superfluous, and 
 omit nothing that is to the purpose. Dispense 
 with adjectives and expletives of all sorts. State 
 your age, your family (if professional), your 
 expected salary, and leave as little as may be to 
 the imagination. You will be far more likely 
 to receive replies, and your interviews will not 
 be shackled by queries that often embarrass both 
 parties. Finally, keep the ticket you receive 
 from the newspaper office until your advertise- 
 ment has appeared ; because they are occasion- 
 ally lost, and you cannot recover the money 
 or obtain redress without producing this ticket. 
 Besides this, it may be useful to know that if 
 any errors of magnitude occur in the advertise- 
 ment which were not in your copy of it, the 
 proprietors of the paper are bound to re-insert 
 it free of charge. They may substitute figures 
 for words (as in the case of giving an age), but
 
 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 249 
 
 they may not alter one word. This is the rea- 
 son we frequently see such ill- worded and un- 
 grammatical advertisements. The printers dare 
 not change a word of the advertiser's " copy" 
 however great its absurdities, as they might be 
 compelled to re-insert it free. Any words you 
 may wish to be printed in capitals you will run 
 two lines under in your copy, and the printer 
 will generally attend to it. 
 
 But advertising is at best a vexatious and 
 expensive mode of seeking a situation. You 
 may receive fifty answers, and not one may result 
 in an engagement, although, of course, you may 
 have but one, and that one may suit you. In 
 my opinion, by far the best way is to apply to a 
 governess agent. Take care, however, what you 
 do and where you go, for there are agents and 
 agents. As the Persians said of their poets, 
 
 " Two sorts of ' agents ' to earth are given, 
 
 To guide through this dreary fog ! 
 The good are like angels from heaven, 
 But the bad are worse than a dog ! " 
 
 The system of governess agency is professedly 
 this : A lady whose own acquirements enable
 
 250 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 
 
 her to judge of the capabilities of candidates for 
 engagements, whose connexions are large, and 
 whose tact and knowledge of the world are con- 
 siderable, makes known to the world that she acts 
 as medium between employers and employed. 
 Ladies requiring governesses go to her office, 
 and state the particulars of the situation they 
 wish to have filled, what accomplishments are 
 indispensable, what age, character, and position 
 they wish the candidate to possess, and what 
 salary they give. These particulars are all duly 
 entered in a book by the agent. On the other 
 hand, the governess gives a list of her acquire- 
 ments, and the art, science, or language in which 
 she is forte (as the French say), her age, the 
 salary she expects, every particular, in short, 
 which will save the agent and herself the trouble 
 of negotiating with parties with whom there is 
 no chance of an engagement being effected. 
 When some one of the clients of the agent has 
 applied for a governess whose acquirements 
 seem to be those of one of the applicants, the 
 address is forwarded to her, generally with a 
 note of introduction, naming the hour at which
 
 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 251 
 
 it is advisable for her to call, and if the refer- 
 ences suit, the engagement is probably effected, 
 the agent having also written to the lady to 
 appoint the time for the interview. 
 
 It will be obvious that, if an agent has a good 
 connexion among all classes, this mode of ob- 
 taining a situation has advantages over all 
 others. You are at once put in communication 
 with some one who requires the services of such 
 a person as you describe yourself to be, and a 
 vast deal of trouble is spared to both parties. 
 
 The remuneration of a governess agent 
 usually consists of a registration fee of five shil- 
 lings, without which they do not place your 
 name on their books, and five per cent, on the 
 first year's salary. If a foreign engagement is 
 entered into, ten per cent, is required, as it is 
 considered much more lucrative than one in 
 England. It is usual also to have a few postage 
 stamps to pay for letters; and this is just 
 enough : for while a mere nothing to an indivi- 
 dual, it is an enormous item in the expenditure 
 of a person who has to correspond with hun- 
 dreds or thousands of persons in a year. It is
 
 252 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 
 
 usually a part of the arrangement, that if a situa- 
 tion is not provided within a given time, half 
 the registration fee shall go towards an adver- 
 tisement. 
 
 The only part of this arrangement to which 
 I object, is the registration fee, which opens the 
 way for many and disgraceful abuses. Of these 
 I shall speak hereafter. In the meantime, it is 
 only fair to remark that I believe governesses 
 have brought the regulation upon themselves, 
 by their want of honesty in paying the percent- 
 age stipulated. Many, to my knowledge, hav- 
 ing obtained a good situation through the 
 medium of an agent, have never troubled them- 
 selves about the fee at all ; and this registration 
 fee is a sort of security for and guarantee of their 
 integrity. Thus it happens that the misconduct 
 of any one member of a community is sure to 
 injure the whole body. 
 
 These terms may appear high, and you may 
 perhaps say it would be cheaper to advertise 
 even several times ; but, in the first place, ad- 
 vertising causes great delay, in the second 
 place, you are far more likely to remain in a
 
 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 253 
 
 situation to which you are introduced by a con- 
 scientious agent; for she is certain to know 
 something of the persons to whom she sends 
 you, as well as of yourself, and her keen insight 
 into character, matured by daily experience, will 
 enable her to know what will suit you both. If 
 a lady has notoriously the character of treating 
 her governesses ill, or if she has behaved un- 
 kindly to any lady known to and placed there 
 by the agent, she will find it as impossible to 
 obtain a governess from that source again as 
 you would yourself to get a situation. Hence, 
 very frequently, the people who advertise for 
 governesses are those who cannot get themln any 
 other way, and who are not desirable employers. 
 This is one reason why you ought to be very 
 cautious of answering advertisements although 
 this rule, like all others, has its exceptions. 
 
 So far, then, it is decidedly advantageous to 
 apply to an agent ; but, as I have said before, 
 there are agents of all sorts. To be of any use 
 in obtaining you a situation an agent must have 
 applications for governesses ; she must have an 
 extensive connexion, in order to meet the re- 
 quirements of all who apply ; and she should be
 
 254 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 
 
 a person of great acquirements and deep insight 
 into character, with thorough business habits. 
 
 Now, if you see an advertisement for a go- 
 verness or a companion, " Apply to Mrs. So-and- 
 so's Governess Institution," you may save your- 
 self the trouble of becoming a candidate by 
 using the most ordinary amount of common 
 sense. On reading the advertisement you will 
 seldom perceive that anything very remarkable in 
 the way of acquirements and accomplishments 
 is mentioned. Ask yourself, then, how it hap- 
 pens that a governess agent has not upon her 
 books a single young lady fit to take this very 
 desirable situation ? Is it at all likely that, if 
 she has no one seeking a situation, she has any 
 patronesses wanting governesses? It is self- 
 evident that she has no connexions, one way or 
 another. Should you, however, have any doubts 
 on the subject satisfy them by all means, if you 
 can spare the time. Call at the appointed hour. 
 A dirty servant girl will probably show you into 
 an untidy half-furnished room, where the agent 
 sits. Round it are seated, in attitudes of an- 
 xious expectation, a number of young ladies, 
 candidates for the same situation. Each one, in
 
 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 255 
 
 turn, approaches the arbiter of fate, and some- 
 thing like the following conversation occurs : 
 " You have come, I suppose, in consequence 
 of my advertisement ?" 
 
 " Yes. I trust I am not too late." 
 " I hope not, indeed. May I ask what are 
 your acquirements?" 
 
 [The candidate enumerates them.] 
 " The lady is a very particular person indeed. 
 She is in the country at present." [N. B. The 
 lady always is in the country.] " The duties are 
 very light, and then you will be treated entirely 
 as one of the family. You seem to possess all 
 the qualifications she has stipulated for. I shall 
 have great pleasure in recommending you. Of 
 course you know I require a registration fee." 
 [Very likely the candidate demurs to this.] 
 " Of course, with my connexion, you would 
 be immediately placed in some other situation, 
 equally desirable, should you not succeed in ob- 
 taining this one." 
 
 If you have more money than sense, you will 
 very likely pay the fee; but do not let your 
 dreams that night be disturbed by any visions 
 of a situation; for although the agent's last
 
 256 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 
 
 words to you contain an assurance that you 
 shall hear from her without fail in a day or two, 
 you may be perfectly certain on the subject ; 
 in all probability you will hear from her no 
 more. Nay, I never knew yet an instance in 
 which any one of the applicants did. It would 
 perhaps be rash to assert that the " situation " 
 never existed at all that it was a mere bait to 
 lure the money from the pockets of a number of 
 anxious girls, all ignorant of the crafts of the 
 world, and the snares to which they are exposed 
 in London. Nevertheless such is my opinion, and 
 so well grounded is it that " fire would not burn 
 it out of me ! I would die in it at the stake." 
 
 As a proof of the gullibility of the public, and 
 the success of such an advertisement, I may men- 
 tion one instance in which, to my knowledge, 
 upwards of two hundred registration fees were the 
 harvest reaped from this small investment of five 
 shillings in the "Times." It is hard to say 
 whether the audacity of the one party or the 
 credulity of the other is to be most admired. 
 
 Another way in which governess agents occa- 
 sionally try to get up a business is by poring 
 over the ;e Times " every morning, and taking
 
 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 257 
 
 the addresses of all those who advertise for gover- 
 nesses. Then, either their circulars are sent to 
 the parties, or, more frequently, one or more of 
 the poor girls who have paid the registration 
 fee are sent to the lady as if she was one of the 
 agent's clientele, and had applied to her for a 
 suitable governess. Of the annoyance that re- 
 sults to the applicant from this proceeding I need 
 say nothing; the disagreeables that are likely 
 to result from the misconception are sufficiently 
 obvious. Nor need I caution you not to take 
 up your residence under the roof of one of these 
 agents, though some do (in consideration for the 
 poor girls who have no friends in London!) re- 
 ceive boarders. It is so evidently their inte- 
 rest to keep you in their house as long as you 
 have a farthing in your pocket, that I will only 
 just hint at the folly of it. Nor is it desirable 
 to go to an agent at whose residence lessons in 
 various branches of knowledge are advertised to 
 be given. You may pay your money, but you 
 certainly will not take your choice of any situa- 
 tions at all. In fact, after paying the fee, you 
 will never hear from her again. 
 
 I do not see why governess agents should not 
 
 z 2
 
 258 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 
 
 give references to those who apply to them only 
 as strangers. It would do away with all doubt and 
 distrust, if before registering you had a reference 
 to some other lady or ladies for whom engage- 
 ments had been procured by the same person. 
 
 After warning you of dangers to which you 
 may be exposed in your negotiations with go- 
 verness agents, it is but completing my task 
 to mention some parties to whom you may, 
 with all security, apply. M. de Porquet, of 
 Tavistock-street, Covent-garden, bears an excel- 
 lent character as an agent ; he has a large and 
 influential connexion, and he stands alone in the 
 one particular of not requiring a registration fee. 
 Mrs. Waghorn (late Mesdames Hinton and Wag- 
 horn) bears an equally high character. She is 
 herself highly accomplished, and capable of judg- 
 ing whether your accent in foreign languages is 
 pure, your touch on the piano good, and so on. 
 Of her sister's kindness I speak from experience. 
 Mrs. Smith, of Alfred-place, Bedford-square, is 
 another unexceptionable person. I may add that 
 her clientele is almost exclusively among the aris- 
 tocracy, whilst the other two persons I have nam- 
 ed have a more general class of correspondents
 
 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 259 
 
 In your dealings with any one of these parties, 
 let me urge you, for your own sake, not less than 
 for theirs, to be perfectly candid. It is a weak- 
 ness to underrate your abilities and acquire- 
 ments, but to overrate them can only involve 
 you in trouble and annoyance. If, for instance, 
 you say you can teach German or Italian when 
 you know little more than the rudiments of the 
 languages, and the agent, on the faith of your 
 representation, introduces you to a situation 
 where your pupils have already made some pro- 
 gress in it, what can you expect but to be dis- 
 missed at the end of the quarter, whilst your 
 employer, indignant at falsehood, will very pro- 
 bably not only hesitate to recommend you, but 
 will also withdraw her patronage from the agent 
 who has been the innocent means of placing you 
 there? You are thus injuring others as well as 
 yourself, as people generally do when they 
 deviate, however slightly, from the path of 
 rectitude. Whilst acting with precision and 
 truth yourself, take care that no mistake arises 
 with the agent. If she gives you an introduc- 
 tion to a family, learn from her whether she is 
 acquainted with their character ; if they really
 
 260 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 
 
 require the sort of governess you are ; if they 
 will give the salary you demand, &c. I have 
 known a poor girl lose an entire day and a con- 
 siderable sum of money in waiting on a lady 
 who required only a morning governess, whilst 
 the candidate had expressly stated that she could 
 not take any but a resident engagement. The 
 same agent had sent upwards of a dozen young 
 ladies on the same fruitless errand, to the great 
 annoyance of both parties. But what did she 
 care ? She had pocketed the registration fees, 
 and wanted nothing more. 
 
 I have said nothing about the free registry 
 at the Governesses' Benevolent Institution, for, 
 though I believe it to be, in many respects, an 
 excellent thing, still it is extremely inconvenient 
 to many governesses to be obliged to go day 
 after day to examine the books and see what 
 ladies are requiring governesses, with the parti- 
 culars. Doubtless there are difficulties in the 
 way of any other arrangement, but, as this 
 branch of the institution is at present consti- 
 tuted, it has drawbacks which render it unpo- 
 pular; indeed, the Society altogether has too 
 much the appearance of a charity to be very
 
 HINTS TO GOVERNESSES. 261 
 
 much liked or approved by those who are able 
 to earn their own living, and only anxious for 
 an opportunity to do so. They need justice, 
 and get only generosity, a substitute that is by 
 no means an equivalent. In speaking of this 
 institution, however, I am uttering rather the 
 sentiments of others than my own, as I never, 
 personally, had anything to do with it. Nothing 
 can be more benevolent, or more admirable in 
 intention, than its whole arrangement ; and of 
 the efforts to provide for the old age of those 
 who have not had the power to lay up anything 
 for themselves it is impossible to speak in terms 
 of too great praise and admiration. Being of 
 human origin, however, we cannot expect it to 
 be without drawback ; but perhaps a regulation 
 which so greatly impedes its usefulness may yet 
 receive further consideration; and I am sure 
 that hundreds of governesses would be glad to 
 pay a trifle to secure the addresses being sent 
 to them. 
 
 All honour, however, to those who have so 
 earnestly and faithfully exerted themselves to 
 ameliorate the condition of the governess.
 
 262 
 
 CHAP. XV. 
 
 GOVERNESSES. HOW TO KEEP A SITUATION. 
 
 " Well begun is half done." OLD PEOVBEB. 
 " Bear and forbear." ANOTHEB. 
 
 IN- making an engagement with a family, it is, 
 of course, of the utmost importance to you to 
 know what are the domestic regulations of the 
 circle you are about to enter, and what are also 
 the views of the parents in the education of their 
 children. In conversation with the lady, pre- 
 vious to any final arrangements, you can respect- 
 fully inquire what the usual routine of life may 
 be : whether you are expected to join the parents 
 at meals, and in the evening, or if you are to be 
 entirely with the children : whether, also, you 
 will have the comfort of a separate bed-room, in 
 which you can enjoy the blessed feeling of 
 freedom and solitude, which is, to a governess, 
 perhaps one of the greatest luxuries of life. 
 
 With regard to invariably joining the family 
 circle in the evening, it is a stipulation that I
 
 GOVERNESSES. 263 
 
 should never deem it advisable to make. The 
 evening is probably the only time which you 
 can command for your own improvement ; and 
 if you neglect to increase your acquirements, 
 you cannot expect to obtain a higher standing 
 in your profession. Besides this, if the master 
 of the house happen to be occupied during the 
 day, and only at home in the evening, the 
 constant presence of a third person cannot fail 
 to be an annoyance. Is there anything more 
 painful than to feel ourselves thus de trop ? It is 
 a much better plan, and one which adds greatly 
 to the comfort of the families in which it is 
 adopted, for the governess to be invited to make 
 one of the circle when her presence is desired, 
 and, when so invited, to be treated as any other 
 guest would be. But, in general, her evenings 
 should be devoted to her own improvement, or 
 to the relaxation of her mind by the perusal of 
 a pleasant book. 
 
 Another thing, which you are quite justified 
 in mentioning, is your hope that, should the 
 lady see any part of your system or manner 
 of which she disapproves, she would name it to 
 you alone, and not in the presence of your
 
 264 GOVERNESSES. 
 
 pupils. This is, indeed, the interest of all 
 parties for few mothers wish to change con- 
 tinually the instructresses of their children and 
 it is very painful to a teacher to be blamed, 
 directly or indirectly, in the presence of her 
 young charge ; for children are so keen-sighted 
 that they are ready enough to detect any symp- 
 tom of want of union between two who should, 
 as far as they are concerned, be one; and if 
 anything is said before them implying dis- 
 pleasure, farewell at once to their respect for 
 the governess, and to her power of commanding 
 their obedience. 
 
 None but a very ill -judging parent indeed 
 would either contradict the orders given by the 
 governess, or fail to uphold her authority. But 
 should you be unfortunate enough to meet with 
 such a mother, the sooner you resign your situ- 
 ation the better. By remaining in it, you will 
 have your feelings exasperated and your health 
 and temper injured, whilst your services can be 
 of no sort of use to your pupils. By going at 
 once, you may retain and leave some kindly 
 feelings; by staying, you will only ultimately 
 be compelled to part with bitterness.
 
 GOVERNESSES. 265 
 
 But, on the other hand, nothing can excuse 
 you for lessening the children's reverence for 
 their mother, or disregarding her wishes and 
 commands, even should you not quite agree with 
 her views. No effort of imagination can en- 
 able you to picture to yourself the intense love 
 of a mother for her children until you yourself 
 become a parent. However much she may her- 
 self blame her children, it must always be pain- 
 ful to her feelings to hear others find fault with 
 them ; and, therefore, whilst endeavouring to 
 correct their errors, avoid dwelling on them 
 with anything like bitterness or severity to the 
 parents. 
 
 Another stipulation you ought to make is for 
 certain fixed holidays, in which you can enjoy 
 the society of your own family and relax from 
 the exertion necessary in your profession. For 
 your own sake, and not less for that of your 
 charges, this ought always to be stipulated for. 
 Confined, for the most part, to the society of 
 children during entire months, coming little or 
 not at all in contact with minds superior to 
 your own, perhaps seeing nothing of the current 
 literature of the day, your perceptions become 
 
 A A
 
 266 GOVERNESSES. 
 
 dulled, and your mind stagnates to a degree 
 you can hardly yourself estimate. Without 
 obtaining at times a complete change, you will 
 rapidly degenerate into a mere teaching ma- 
 chine, instead of a fit and efficient educator; 
 your health, too, will be impaired, and your 
 whole system become relaxed. I can never im- 
 press too strongly upon your mind that your 
 health and intellect form your only capital, and 
 that to do or submit to anything which will 
 injure them is almost deliberate suicide. 
 
 It will be desirable, in the outset, to have 
 your duties as clearly defined as possible. Hav- 
 ing undertaken them, let them be executed with 
 the most rigorous fidelity ; but it is unwise, and 
 often injurious to you, to interfere in matters 
 which are not in "the bond." A nursery go- 
 verness has, as a matter of course, the charge 
 of the wardrobes of her pupils ; but what busi- 
 ness has a young lady, whose entire day is taken 
 up with teaching languages, music, drawing, 
 dancing, and English in all its branches, to 
 occupy her evenings with mending and making 
 her pupils' clothes? It lessens their respect 
 for her, prevents her from improving herself,
 
 GOVERNESSES. 267 
 
 and lowers her in the estimation of the family. 
 Do not begin to undertake such duties, which 
 belong to the nursery-maid, not the governess. 
 Let no feeling of lassitude or weariness induce 
 you to relax during the appointed hours of 
 study ; let no absence of your employer be an 
 excuse to your own conscience for your altering, 
 in the slightest degree, the regulations she has 
 imposed. Remember, as one to whose example 
 others should look up with respect, as one who 
 has undertaken the most important duties a 
 human being can engage in, you are especially 
 bound to act, " not with eye-service, as men- 
 pleasers, but in singleness of heart serving the 
 Lord." How much will this consideration tend 
 to smooth the difficulties in your path ! From 
 how many annoyances will you be preserved, if 
 you maintain this singleness of heart ! 
 
 TRUTH is so beautiful, and so inestimable a 
 quality, we can hardly sufficiently appreciate 
 the character and services of the person who 
 resolutely inculcates it on the minds of our 
 children. But it is not sufficient to say to 
 children, "You must tell the truth always," 
 nor to punish them for its violation, if they see
 
 268 GOVERNESSES. 
 
 you act the shadow of a lie. If those keen 
 critics observe that you do not act precisely the 
 same when their mamma is present and when 
 she is absent if they detect you in the shadow 
 of a falsehood of what use will it be to com- 
 mand them to speak the truth ? Even if you 
 are upright yourself, you may, by a little want 
 of judgment, drive your pupils into deception. 
 Falsehood is the vice of a slave, and many a 
 timid child is led into it by dread of punishment 
 for trivial offences. Nothing should induce 
 either a parent or a governess to punish any 
 accident, whatever the loss or inconvenience to 
 herself. By doing so, you destroy the distinc- 
 tion in the child's mind between an act of sin 
 and a piece of heedlessness, and you tempt her 
 to tell you a story to conceal her fault. Imagine 
 a warm-hearted but careless child, eager perhaps 
 to bring you the inkstand you require, rushes 
 for it, and, in her haste, upsets it over the 
 carpet and her own dress. Sufficiently fright- 
 ened already, she hears you come into the room. 
 It greatly depends on you whether the exact 
 truth, or an excuse (which is nearly a falsehood), 
 comes from her lips. You begin in a passion
 
 GOVERNESSES. 269 
 
 " You naughty little girl ! How dare you be 
 BO careless ? See how you have spoiled the car- 
 pet. Go to bed directly, and don't let me see 
 you again to-day." Do you think that it will 
 require no courage in a child frankly to avow 
 her fault after this ? But suppose your grave 
 face shows your regret, and you say, " Oh my 
 dear little girl, what a pity you have been so 
 careless ! Are you not very sorry ? Mamma 
 will be so grieved to find you are not 
 more thoughtful." The child's quivering 
 lips and tearful eyes show that she is indeed 
 sorry; but if your angry remarks show that 
 you are punishing her in a spirit of revenge for 
 the mischief she has done, aud not with a desire 
 to correct her faults, you lose your influence 
 over her, and confuse all sense of right and 
 wrong in her mind ; for feeling as she does, that 
 her intention was to be good, she cannot see 
 that her fault was so great as your punishment 
 implies. 
 
 It requires great discrimination and great 
 gentleness to be a good governess. No one should 
 undertake that task who has not a decided liking 
 for young people, who cannot discern between 
 
 AA 2
 
 270 GOVERNESSES. 
 
 obstinacy and dullness between the ebullitions 
 of temper and the peevishness of illness. Many 
 a girl is punished for naughtiness when she is 
 simply unwell, though she cannot perhaps tell 
 you what is the matter with her. If you see a 
 child irritable and peevish without any apparent 
 cause, you may safely suspect that she requires 
 a dose of medicine; for it is not natural for 
 children to be cross, if they are reasonably 
 treated and usefully employed. Avoid provok- 
 ing a spirit of contradiction. It is much easier 
 to say, " You shall do so and so," than to com- 
 pel your pupjl to do it; and if once you give 
 an order and suffer it to be disobeyed, you open 
 the door for endless contentions and disturb- 
 ances. Be very careful, then, not to command 
 anything if you cannot enforce obedience. Let 
 your orders be few, but let them be implicitly 
 obeyed. Show yourself ready to be pleased 
 with the effort to do right, even if the perform- 
 ance is not quite perfect. Study to employ the 
 mind, even in illness ; and I need hardly say to 
 a young and gentle woman, " Be gentle and 
 tender to the suffering and the feeble." Show 
 that you feel for and with the ailing ; that the
 
 GOVERNESSES. 271 
 
 faults of the naughty grieve you, and that it is 
 a pleasure to you to give them happiness ; and 
 you cannot fail to acquire an influence over your 
 charge. Remember that threats are the worst 
 possible arguments, and bribes are little better. 
 Let the approbation of their parents and their 
 own conscience be their reward. To use sweet- 
 meats or dainties as a reward or punishment is 
 certain to make a child greedy ; to give presents 
 for the simple performance of duty is to buy 
 that which it is incumbent on the child to give 
 freely, willingly, and as a matter of course. 
 
 It has often struck me as desirable that a 
 governess should have more latitude in her 
 actions than she has that it should be in her 
 power to confer more pleasures than she does. 
 If, for instance, she could sometimes take them 
 for a day's holiday to see any sight, on her own 
 responsibility, the pleasure coming direct from 
 her would increase her influence over her pupils, 
 and would do them a great deal of good in 
 every way. One sensible mother I knew, who 
 acceded ttf this plan; and probably my pupils 
 will remember for years our pleasant excursions 
 to the sights of London in winter, and over the
 
 272 GOVERNESSES. 
 
 country in summer the visit to an East India- 
 man, to St. Paul's, the India House, and other 
 places, and their dinner afterwards in my own 
 apartments. How cordially we met the next 
 morning after such a day ! How much it fos- 
 tered kindly feelings on all sides ! 
 
 To sum up the management of children in a 
 few words : "Lead rather than drive;" cultivate 
 their hearts as well as their heads, and seek to 
 give them good principles as the mainspring of 
 gentle manners and upright actions. However 
 young a child may be, it is not too young to 
 live for others and to seek their happiness. 
 Finally, as you have to do with beings yet 
 more frail, feeble, and fallible than yourself, 
 
 " Be to their faults a little blind, 
 And to their virtues very kind, 
 You'll clasp a padlock on their mind." 
 
 One of the greatest annoyances a governess 
 has to encounter is in the conduct of the ser- 
 vants of the family. If she talks to them, they 
 become too familiar; if she does not speak, 
 they neglect her comforts, and annoy her in 
 many ways, under the impression she " gives 
 herself airs." Some also, particularly the
 
 GOVERNESSES. 273 
 
 nurses, are apt to make common cause with the 
 children if it is necessary to punish them, and 
 to encourage them in disobedience. Much of 
 this depends on the conduct of the lady of the 
 house herself. If she sets an example of ne- 
 glect, the servants are sure to follow it ; but if, 
 on the other hand, she is a gentlewoman in feel- 
 ing, she will insist on proper attention being 
 paid to the governess; and a sensible mother 
 will certainly not allow the servants to interfere 
 with her proper discipline. On the other hand, 
 young ladies in all positions are but too apt to 
 forget that servants have the same nature as 
 themselves ; they speak abruptly, often dicta- 
 torially ; they give needless trouble, and do not 
 apologise for it ; they receive kindness without 
 thanks. All this is unchristian and unwomanly, 
 even to our own hired assistants ; but it is ex- 
 tremely impolitic, also, where both parties are 
 working equally for their bread under the roof 
 of another, however different their stations. I 
 cannot but think that in most cases the young 
 governess has herself to blame for this drawback 
 to her comfort. Without gossipping, or being 
 familiar, she may show them she appreciates
 
 274 GOVERNESSES. 
 
 attention, and is considerate for them ; in sick- 
 ness, especially, she may often show her wo- 
 manly feeling and pity. If she meets with this 
 addition to her discomforts, and cannot remedy 
 it, let her bear it with patience until better 
 times. 
 
 With the family and visitors, a young go- 
 verness will do wisely to be very guarded, and 
 to avoid any appearance of obtrusiveness ; al- 
 though there is no need to act the part of a 
 sycophant. By keeping in her place, she will 
 command respect ; by going out of it, she in- 
 vites and exposes herself to neglect. Be not 
 ready to take affronts, or to fancy unkindnesses 
 are meant when they are not. Never speak or 
 write to your own family and friends of the 
 private affairs of your employers. Do not 
 judge hastily of the situation you are in : you 
 will seldom find it quite so bad or so good as at 
 first entrance it may appear ; and, by commit- 
 ting yourself to an opinion, you lay yourself 
 open to the charge of inconsistency or want of 
 judgment. Indeed, it is unwise and selfish to 
 trouble those who love you with more com- 
 plaints than you can avoid. If it is necessary
 
 GOVERNESSES. 275 
 
 to remain in a situation, it can do no good to 
 dwell on its disagreeables. If you cannot en- 
 dure them, you can leave. 
 
 Avoid boasting of your family or former 
 position, if you have formerly occupied a higher 
 station. It is of little moment to your employ- 
 ers what your father or grandfather was, pro- 
 vided you have had the education of a gentle- 
 woman. What you can do, and what you your- 
 self are, are the great considerations. Show 
 that you respect your position, and that you 
 think your occupation an honourable one, by 
 building your claims to consideration on it. 
 Dignify your office, and you will be honoured 
 in it. 
 
 Try to get the habit of looking at the bright 
 side of things. This is more in our own power 
 than many imagine. Remember the injunction, 
 to "be wise as serpents" as well as " harmless 
 as doves." In the words of the great poet of 
 nature and humanity, 
 
 " To thine own self be true, 
 And it will follow, as the day the night, 
 Thou canst not then he false to any man."
 
 276 
 
 CHAP. XVI. 
 
 THE ART OF TEACHING. 
 " It requires all our learning to make things simple." 
 
 AFTER having gone through the usual routine 
 of study at school, and acquired a knowledge of 
 French, Italian, German, the piano, &c. not 
 to mention geography, arithmetic, and such 
 other indispensable matters a young lady fan- 
 cies that she has nothing further to do to fit 
 herself for a situation as governess. It never 
 seems to strike her that, to have learnt and to 
 be able to teach are two different things, and 
 not by any means always found combined. 
 
 Satisfied with having acquired a language or a 
 science, she never asks herself, " Can I impart 
 this knowledge to a child ? How shall I bring 
 this subject to the level of her capacity? How 
 shall I explain that rule so that she may tho- 
 roughly comprehend it ? " Take the simplest 
 definition of a part of speech in Murray's Gram- 
 mar, and try to explain it to your little sister,
 
 THE ART OP TEACHING. 277 
 
 and you will soon discover both how difficult 
 an art the art of teaching is, and how deplor- 
 ably it is neglected. 
 
 A governess who wishes to simplify the ac- 
 quisition of knowledge to her pupils is there- 
 fore too often driven, from want of a proper 
 understanding of the nature of .her duty, to 
 adopt one of the many quack systems of the 
 day, which, substituting rules for reasons, and 
 practice for principle, gives its votaries the name 
 of having learnt a great deal ; whilst heart, hand, 
 and mind are alike guiltless of anything that 
 the utmost stretch of courtesy could term KNOW- 
 LEDGE. These "royal roads," these "eight- 
 easy-lesson" paths, lead to ignorance and self- 
 conceit only, instead of to knowledge. They, 
 may serve to disguise the teacher's ignorance, 
 and to impose upon a mother who is equally 
 ignorant; but every one who is competent to 
 teach, and understands the art of making know- 
 ledge simple, looks with contempt upon these 
 short cuts to the temple of learning. 
 
 Are there, then, no improvements in the 
 science of teaching ? Certainly there are. There 
 are many works now, on almost every subject,
 
 278 THE ART OF TEACHING. 
 
 which will serve to imbue a teacher's mind 
 with the leading principles of that which she is 
 desirous of teaching. But these works are not 
 intended for beginners. They are for the study 
 of the governess, to enable her fully to master 
 the subject herself; but it is from the stores iri 
 her own mind that she should teach her pupils. 
 The first thing I would impress upon your 
 mind is, that the object of teaching is not to 
 enable your pupils to say " I have learnt/' but 
 to let them feel that they thoroughly know. 
 What, for instance, is the use of their having 
 gone through all the four first rules of arith- 
 metic, if they cannot detect the errors in a 
 small account ? Your pupil may be able to do 
 a sum in the Rule of Three, on the slate, with 
 tolerable facility, without knowing much of the 
 science of numbers; but if she can rapidly go 
 over her mamma's weekly accounts, or put her 
 study to any other practical purpose, without 
 thought or hesitation, you may be congratulated 
 on having taught her a very essential branch of 
 knowledge she is learning arithmetic to some 
 purpose. Before, however, you can so teach it, 
 you must have mastered it thoroughly yourself
 
 THE ART OF TEACHING. 279 
 
 not its details, but its principles. You must 
 carefully consider the subject in all its bearings, 
 until you can impart not the contents of Guy 
 or Walkingame but the principles of calcula- 
 tion. 
 
 Grammar should be treated in the same way. 
 Study all the authorities you can find, from 
 " Little Mary's Grammar" to Murray's large 
 edition. The former is an admirably suggestive 
 book, and you may use it with pupils with great 
 safety. In my opinion, little children are, how- 
 ever, much more capable of learning from oral 
 instruction than from any book whatever. If 
 you tell a little girl that " a noun is anything she 
 can see, touch, or think of," and you allow her 
 to point out all the nouns in the room, she will 
 understand it far better than if she learnt the 
 words by rote, however perfectly. As she ad- 
 vances farther she may be permitted to correct 
 any grammatical inaccuracies that you may 
 perceive in any works she is reading ; and if 
 you have occasion to point out blunders of her 
 own, always show her why the words she uttered 
 were wrong. In arithmetic, the multiplication 
 tables form generally the first lesson, and it
 
 280 THE ART OF TEACHING. 
 
 seems to be quite forgotten that addition and 
 subtraction come before multiplication. "Be- 
 gin with the beginning," practise your pupil in 
 addition first then combine it with subtrac- 
 tion, beginning with the lowest numbers. Thus, 
 make them add 2 to 1. Then two more, two 
 more, and so on up to 50 or 100. Then they 
 may add 2 to 2. Afterwards 2 to 3. Then 
 3 to 1 3 to 2 3 to 3. After exercising them 
 thoroughly in this way, up to 9 or even 12, 
 you may allow them, after writing a certain 
 number, to deduct or subtract any number 
 backwards until they can do so no longer. Let 
 them begin with 101, and take away 2 99, 
 97, 95, 93, &c., &c. A perfect system may 
 readily be formed. 
 
 Spelling is another very important part of a 
 child's education. Besides the spelling-lesson, 
 as soon as she can write at all, she should begin 
 dictation, and every word erroneously spelt 
 should be corrected by herself, and then entered 
 into a book to be kept for that purpose. The 
 next day, the same lesson in dictation should be 
 repeated, and continued until that piece is writ- 
 ten without an error.
 
 THE ART OF TEACHING. 281 
 
 In fact, this system should be carried out in 
 every branch of study. Let one lesson be 
 thoroughly mastered before you proceed to 
 another ; and, although your pupil may appear 
 at first to make little progress, the result in the 
 course of a year will be most satisfactory. In 
 teaching children especially, your motto should 
 be " line upon line, precept upon precept, here 
 a little, and there a little." Make haste slowly. 
 The errors a child has herself corrected she will 
 probably remember, especially if you point out 
 carefully and clearly the rules she has violated ; 
 but if you correct her blunders, and she rubs 
 the exercise off her slate, and thinks no more 
 about it, what improvement can you expect ? 
 
 Music is another thing which requires un- 
 wearying patience on the part of both teacher 
 and pupil. To any child not possessing a 
 decided talent for it the rudiments are so dry 
 and wearisome, that it seems hard to deny a 
 child permission to learn a tune, instead of 
 keeping her conscientiously to the exercises. 
 And yet, remember, there is no other way of 
 acquiring facility of execution than by steadily 
 practising these exercises. Many English 
 
 B B 2
 
 282 THE ART OP TEACHING. 
 
 teachers neglect sufficiently to exercise the left 
 hand, which in Germany is most rigorously cul- 
 tivated ; hence, there is a poverty in the per- 
 formance of a young English player which we 
 do not find in that of her foreign contempo- 
 rary. This hand, being much the weakest, re- 
 quires double exercise ; and those lessons which 
 will give it practice should receive great atten- 
 tion. Reading at sight should be daily prac- 
 tised, and time should be carefully counted, 
 aloud, by the pupil, "whilst the governess sits by 
 her side and beats time with her hand. Even 
 she, however, may involuntarily accelerate or 
 retard the motion of her hand, unless she uses 
 the utmost care. I was much indebted to an 
 eminent teacher for the recommendation to let 
 the hand point in the form of a cross if the 
 piece required me to count four, or of a triangle 
 if counting three, as it insured a regularity of 
 movement not to be obtained in the ordinary 
 way. Duets also are excellent practice for a 
 pupil who is sufficiently advanced, as they 
 gratify her parents and herself by containing 
 an air, whilst they improve her time. 
 
 Drawing, as at present taught, is one of the
 
 THE ART OP TEACHING. 283 
 
 most useless accomplishments. It is emphati- 
 cally a thing which it seems indispensable to 
 learn ; whilst, for any practical purpose, it is 
 quite unnecessary to know it. A child advances 
 from straight strokes to landscapes and figures ; 
 but ask her to draw you an oak or an elm, or 
 to represent a few labourers in various parts of 
 a hayfield, and you will soon see how little she 
 knows of form, perspective, or any other useful 
 part of the art. 
 
 Children are not sufficiently taught to ob- 
 serve. The eye requires education and train- 
 ing as much as the fingers. Your pupil should 
 be led to examine, even from babyhood, the 
 minutest parts of a picture, or of anything 
 before it ; and though some will display much 
 greater aptitude than others in inquiring and 
 investigating, the habit will be fostered in all. 
 
 Mr. Frank Howard's system of drawing, be- 
 ginning with mere outlines and advancing very 
 gradually to the highest stages of art, has 
 always appeared to me an excellent one, as 
 every lesson is practical, and a pupil learns to 
 draw what she will, and not only that of which 
 she has a copy.
 
 284 THE ART OF TEACHING. 
 
 Many teachers lay a great stress on learn- 
 ing poetry by rote. Some children will do this 
 of their own accord ; but where great difficulty 
 is experienced in doing so, it seems to me better 
 to inspire them with a liking for it, by reading 
 to them such pieces as are suited to their 
 capacity, than to make a toil of what should be 
 a great treat. 
 
 Carriage and manners ought never to be 
 neglected. A loud rough tone should be care- 
 fully and constantly corrected, for a low voice is, 
 
 f 
 
 indeed, " an excellent thing in woman." No 
 child should be allowed to neglect the courtesies 
 of society to any member of its own family. 
 Rude habits indulged in the domestic circle 
 cannot be laid aside at will, and they lead to 
 constant discomfort. 
 
 I do not profess to write for the experienced 
 governess, but for the one who, just entering on 
 her career, feels at a loss in what way most 
 efficiently to fulfil her duties. 
 
 In conclusion, I can only say, Give them if 
 possible a taste for books, by never associating 
 them with punishment. Let no selfish con- 
 siderations stand in the way of your pupils' im-
 
 THE ART OF TEACHING. 285 
 
 provement. Above all, remember "Example 
 draws where precept fails." If your precepts 
 and your practice do not agree, you will do but 
 little good by all your lessons. The post of a 
 governess is most honourable, as well as 
 arduous, and none shoiild occupy it without a 
 higher motive than the mere earning of her 
 bread. On her, next to the mother herself, 
 does the future destiny of the child depend : 
 this consideration should influence every action, 
 and day by day she should act upon the in- 
 junction, "Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, 
 as to the Lord and not unto men, knowing 
 that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the 
 same shall he receive of the Lord."
 
 286 
 
 CHAP. XVII. 
 
 TO MOTHERS. 
 
 " A mother's love ! how sweet the name ! 
 
 What is a mother's love ? 
 The noblest, purest, tenderest flame 
 
 Enkindled from above, 
 To bless a heart of earthly mould, 
 As much of heaven as earth can hold, 
 Nor, through eternity grows cold, 
 
 This is a mother's love." MOKTSOSTEBY. 
 
 A Mother's love ! Can any one doubt its being 
 the purest, the -warmest, the most ennobling 
 affection in the world ? How patiently a mother 
 bears with all the pains and sorrows incidental 
 to maternity how she rejoices over her babe 
 how she watches its every movement with a 
 yearning of love which has no equal amongst 
 earthly affections ! And if she is bereaved of 
 the idol of her heart, what bitterness of grief 
 does its loss occasion ! She mourns as one re- 
 fusing to be comforted. She grieves over the 
 little helpless thing that scarce perhaps even 
 knew her voice, with a grief that she could
 
 TO MOTHERS. 287 
 
 hardly feel for the husband of her youth, or 
 
 the mother who bare her. Ah ! and the loss of 
 
 an infant is a grief which no time destroys. 
 
 All other sorrows are softened beneath the hand 
 
 of the Great Comforter, but to the latest period 
 
 of existence a mother will weep the death of 
 
 her baby, and kiss the morsel of hair taken 
 
 from its precious head, and look with ever-fresh 
 
 anguish at the toys which once were held in the 
 
 hand that years ago has mouldered in the dust. 
 
 " Can a mother forget her sucking child, that 
 
 she may not have compassion on the fruit of 
 
 her womb ? " It would seem monstrous to 
 
 suppose it possible ; and yet, daily do we see 
 
 instances of the mother forgetting, or ceasing to 
 
 regard with love, the being to whom she has 
 
 given life. All are not, therefore, such mothers 
 
 as Montgomery describes in the exquisite poem 
 
 I have quoted at the head of the chapter. So 
 
 far from it, I am afraid that a false position is 
 
 too frequently taken up by mothers at the 
 
 outset of the education of their children. They 
 
 seem to think that all the duty is on the part of 
 
 the child, because they have given it existence ! 
 
 Is existence, then, of itself such a boon ? What
 
 288 TO MOTHERS. 
 
 rational being will answer, Yes ? When I hear 
 a mother upbraiding a child for not being suffi- 
 ciently grateful for this blessing, I cannot help 
 thinking of a child I once heard reply to such 
 an appeal, " Well, I did not ask to be born." 
 It was a girl not eight years old who made this 
 answer; and doubtless hundreds of others, if 
 they have not the nerve to speak, feel no less 
 deeply the injustice of their parent's conduct. 
 
 For unjust it is. The duties of children and 
 parents are reciprocal ; but those of the parents 
 begin the first, as they have incurred the re- 
 sponsibility. That great and keen observer, 
 and daring denunciator of conventional errors, 
 Charles Dickens, never took a bolder step than 
 when he made a daughter address her mother 
 with, " Have you ever been dutiful to me ?" 
 How many parents would be puzzled to answer 
 the qiiery ! for, to judge by their conduct, we 
 must conclude that they consider they have 
 done sufficient in giving EXISTENCE to their 
 children; that the debt for life is so great it 
 can never be cancelled by any subsequent mis- 
 management or ill-treatment. Even the love 
 of parents is too often selfish; their children
 
 TO MOTHERS. 289 
 
 are a part of themselves, and as such are petted, 
 and dressed, and taught. But the moment a 
 child wishes to do anything contrary to the 
 parent's will, or evinces a character not conso- 
 nant with her notions, he or she is ungrateful, 
 rebellious, and undutiful. Now this is not the 
 part of a Christian parent, who looks upon the 
 little being given to her as a sacred treasure, to 
 be guarded, and guided, and tended with a fond 
 devotion which will make her in return the 
 object of devotion and veneration to her child. 
 In everything such a mother (and happily they 
 form the larger number) will seek the good of 
 her child in preference to her own : its welfare 
 will be studied, its future as well as present 
 happiness cared for; its mind enlightened, with 
 continual remembrance not only of its earthly 
 prosperity but its future happiness. 
 
 Among the most important considerations to 
 such a mother will be the education of her chil- 
 dren ; and if they are girls, she will probably be 
 the principal in all arrangements for schools or 
 governesses. It is in this important step I 
 would offer them some counsel the result of 
 practical acquaintance with the subject. The 
 
 c c
 
 290 TO MOTHERS. 
 
 earliest teacher, naturally and inevitably, is the 
 mother herself. Unless she is absolutely sepa- 
 rated from her child, it will learn from her, 
 months before she is aware perhaps that it is so 
 learning or she teaching. This is not the place 
 to discuss infant education, nor will my space 
 permit me to do so ; I must content myself then 
 with remarking, that the first lesson instilled in 
 a baby's mind must be implicit, unquestioning 
 obedience. If this be not perfectly learnt in the 
 first two years of life, it will hardly be acquired 
 afterwards. 
 
 Let the mother, then, be at least the chief 
 companion to her children ; and believe it, that 
 whatever good she may impart, she will derive 
 much more from the association. For the pure 
 soft light of a child's dear eyes, the innocent 
 smile, the fond endearing ways, are so many 
 links forged by Heaven to purify and elevate the 
 mind of the mother. I am convinced that no 
 mother, however miserable in other respects, 
 can be quite wretched if she has a child to soothe 
 her with its affection ; nor can she fail to feel 
 that the little treasure is in truth a guardian 
 angel a being for whose sake she must purify
 
 TO MOTHERS. 291 
 
 her own heart, and watch, with more than ordi- 
 nary care, over every look, and word, and action. 
 But the time will probably come when, from 
 many circumstances, she is no longer herself 
 able to continue the instruction of her child; 
 and then comes the question which it is my 
 hope to aid her to solve what plan of educa- 
 tion can I adopt ? Shall I send my daughter to 
 school, or have a governess at home? The 
 former plan, although very generally pursued, 
 has many, and, to my mind, insuperable objec- 
 tions in all ordinary cases. Doubtless there 
 are many good schools; and I, whose only 
 happy days were spent at school, should be the 
 last to speak against school education. But 
 then, Prospect House was a school, and not a 
 school ; there was all the search into individual 
 character, all the adaptation of conduct to pecu- 
 liar circumstances, all the kindly watchfulness, 
 all the gentle admonition, never degrading, but 
 always encouraging, that the tenderest parent 
 could give : only there were four mothers instead 
 of one. It was their beautiful maxim, that the 
 heart that could not be won by kindness could 
 be gained in no other way : and so they won
 
 292 TO MOTHERS. 
 
 every heart. Hard indeed as the nether mill- 
 stone must that character have been that could 
 remain unsoftened by dear Miss E.'s gentle, 
 tender, loving remonstrance ; strangely cold the 
 heart that would be unawakened by the indul- 
 gent gentleness of Miss M. What girl could 
 leave the room without learning something from 
 her lesson with Miss L. ; or but would think her- 
 self privileged in being allowed to assist when 
 Miss Maria, on hospitable thoughts intent, was 
 busy in her preparation of delicate cakes and 
 magnificent tarts, to celebrate some birthday ? 
 And then, to listen to her glorious voice, and 
 brilliant execution on the piano, to be sharers 
 in the gaiety of the evening, which would not 
 have been gay, even with the aid of tarts and 
 parkin, had one of those dear faces been missing. 
 Happy, happy girls, were those whose privilege 
 it Avas to be educated beneath their roof. 
 
 But they are gone ! Three live only in the 
 grateful memory of their pupils, and the fourth 
 has ceased that active life which she has no 
 longer her beloved companions to share. Long 
 may she be spared to our love ! 
 
 '*:-*'*
 
 TO MOTHERS. 293 
 
 But enough of this. " We ne'er shall look 
 upon their like again;" and failing it, unques- 
 tionably the best mode of training daughters is 
 to have them under your own eye, in the care 
 of an accomplished governess. 
 
 I hope yet to live to see the day when only 
 those women who have really a gift for teaching 
 will undertake so responsible an office. Much 
 may be done by mothers themselves to bring 
 about this desirable state of things. 
 
 The position of a governess is in itself a 
 most responsible one. She is the mother's 
 vicegerent, and the mother (in all reverence 
 be it spoken) is the Almighty's. Only second, 
 therefore, in importance to the mother herself, 
 and sometimes even more important still, is 
 this vicegerent, who has the training of the 
 minds and hearts of her pupils, and upon 
 whom, therefore, depends in a great measure 
 whether those children shall be a blessing or a 
 curse to their parents. 
 
 I will venture a few observations on the essen- 
 tials in selecting a governess, and tne require- 
 ments which should be principally considered. 
 
 The first thing to ascertain is, what sort of 
 
 c c 2
 
 29 i TO MOTHERS. 
 
 instructress the rank, ages, &c., of the children 
 demand ; the second, what particular accom- 
 plishments the genius of the children render it 
 most desirable their governess should possess ; 
 and lastly, what salary will be an adequate re- 
 muneration for the services we require. 
 
 These points are of essential importance ; for 
 it follows naturally that the instructress of 
 ladies of sixteen or eighteen years of age 
 should have sufficient advantage over them on 
 that head to command their respect : and with 
 regard to accomplishments it is evident that 
 some regard should be had to her proficiency in 
 those particular branches of study for which 
 they display the greatest taste. This, however, 
 should not be an object of paramount import- 
 ance : it is much more requisite to consider 
 how far she is competent to supply the place of 
 a mother, than how she can fulfil the duties of a 
 master. Moreover, if the children be young, it 
 is certainly desirable that the governess should 
 not be too old : there should be a certain 
 amount of freshness and elasticity about a 
 person who is much with very young people, 
 which renders her more fit to endure the noise
 
 TO MOTHERS. 295 
 
 and tiresome ways of little children. But youth 
 presupposes not only inexperience, but a certain 
 deficiency in acquirements also : and this, you 
 think, involves the necessity of making a new 
 selection as your children advance in years. 
 
 Now this step is fraught with mischief to 
 every one concerned to the pupils ahove all 
 others. A much more sensible," and (taking 
 time and its value into account) a much more 
 economical one, would be to endeavour to retain 
 the same governess during the whole course of 
 your children's education, paying her a salary 
 which should permit her to study at her leisure 
 any language or science in which she might not 
 be very proficient, under some good master. 
 
 Allowing that she thus continues to receive 
 masters during a quarter of every year for seven 
 years, and employs even a single hour daily 
 during the remaining period, she must certainly 
 be quite competent to finish the education of 
 children with whose tempers and peculiarities 
 she is so intimately acquainted. As, however, 
 few families are so completely buried in the 
 country as to be quite inacessible to masters, it 
 would be much better to employ them as the
 
 296 TO MOTHERS. 
 
 girls advance to womanhood, than to deprive 
 them of their old instructress if unexceptionable 
 in other respects. 
 
 But because I recommend you to choose in 
 the first place a lady who may not be highly 
 accomplished, do not for an instant suppose that 
 I mean to advise you to employ an inferior or 
 inefficient, far less an ignorant person for the 
 youngest child in the schoolroom. No: it is 
 as essential that the teacher of an infant should 
 be well informed, as that she should be well- 
 principled; but parents have yet to discover 
 that accomplishments are not information, and 
 that a young woman may play brilliantly, and 
 draw superbly, and yet be entirely ignorant of 
 everything she ought to know. A moment's 
 thought must assure us that if a girl of eighteen 
 be highly accomplished, she must have devoted 
 herself to the ornamental parts of study at the 
 expense of the useful ; and these are the indis- 
 pensables in the acquirements of a governess, 
 because we cannot supply the deficiency by the 
 aid of any master whatever. 
 
 The plan I have recommended, of encourag- 
 ing the governess to continue her own studies
 
 TO MOTHERS. 297 
 
 under some able master, and thus enabling her 
 to remain in the same family for years, would, 
 if generally adopted, impi'ove the character of 
 this class of teachers to a surprising degree. But 
 this plan requires that governesses should be 
 more liberally remunerated than we generally 
 find them to be. 
 
 Forty pounds is certainly the smallest amount 
 that ought to be offered to a young resident 
 governess ; and this should be increased annu- 
 al'y ten pounds, until it reaches one hundred 
 and twenty pounds. Whilst, however, parents 
 will not sacrifice their slightest whim in order 
 to remunerate the governesses of their children 
 with equity, they must expect to be constantly 
 annoyed by want of principle, ignorance, and 
 indifference in those they employ. They cannot 
 expect the principles, manners, and mind of a 
 lady to be obtained for the wages of a servant. 
 
 And even when a liberal salary is given, and 
 adequate return is afforded in the conscientious 
 labours of a refined intellectual gentlewoman, a 
 parent will still find it necessary to remember 
 that she cannot in this world expect perfection. 
 A governess has many sources of irritation, and
 
 298 TO MOTHERS. 
 
 perhaps of grief, of which her employers know 
 nothing ; her employment, too, is one of para- 
 mount importance to society, but of incessant 
 exertion and great weariness to herself. Nei- 
 ther the mind nor the body is always in tune, nor 
 can the same amount of physical exertion always 
 be endured. She may at times display irritation 
 or weariness, perhaps appear deficient in energy 
 or in industry. But these are conditions insepa- 
 rable from her state, not as a governess, but as a 
 human being. Similar or worse faults you are cer- 
 tain to find whilst women, not angels, undertake 
 to teach children who are not quite seraphs. A 
 little rest, a pleasant evening in pleasant society, 
 a new book, perhaps a few days' visit home, will 
 restore the balance of her mind, and enable her 
 to resume her duties with pleasure and alacrity. 
 But whilst I would be thus lenient, even to 
 indulgence, to the weaknesses of humanity, I 
 would be unsparing to anything like vice. An 
 attempt to make children deceive a parent, to 
 induce them " not to tell " anything that occurs 
 in the school -room, to act differently in my pre- 
 sence and in my absence these are errors which 
 it would be culpable to pardon.
 
 TO MOTHERS. 299 
 
 It requires, however, judicious management 
 on the part of a parent to watch over the pro- 
 gress of her children, ascertain their improve- 
 ment, and discover any defects in their manage- 
 ment, without allowing the children to know that 
 she is displeased with " the governess." The mo- 
 ment a child begins to discover that those who in- 
 struct her are not perfectly agreed among them- 
 selves, then she takes advantage of her knowledge 
 to treat her governess with impertinence. 
 
 Whatever fault, therefore, may be found, 
 whatever errors reproved, must be done in the 
 absence of the children. Not a word or look of 
 the parents should ever sanction a child in 
 thinking that she is pleasing them by dis- 
 pleasing the governess. 
 
 The terms I have named may perhaps be 
 considered high, and some ladies may say they 
 cannot afford them. Is it so? Or is it that 
 you do not choose to sacrifice some personal 
 gratification for the good of your child? Is 
 this maternal love? Is this the pure spirit of 
 self-sacrifice which we associate in idea with 
 the sacred name of mother? What is it you 
 are required to give up? You give six dinner
 
 800 TO MOTHERS. 
 
 parties in the season. Confine yourself to five, 
 and add what you have saved to the salary of 
 your governess. It will be something worthy 
 of her acceptance. Or do with one dress and 
 bonnet less, if in more limited circumstances. 
 Make any sacrifice rather than that of the wel- 
 fare of your children. 
 
 Interest yourself, too, in the well-being of 
 your governesses. Encourage them and aid 
 them to insure their lives, to provide something 
 fcr their old age, to make the most in every way of 
 their salary. No philanthropic plan was ever or- 
 ganised, under the most distinguished patronage, 
 that would work more universal good than this. 
 
 Another duty to all concerned is, to take 
 yourself at times the care of your own chiMren. 
 Her Majesty in this, as in all else, a patteiTi 
 to mothers is said to devote a certain period 
 daily to the society of her children. Nurses 
 and governesses are dismissed, and the royal 
 parents and their children are alone together. 
 Will no peculiarities of temper or character be 
 developed ? Will no erroneous notions be cor- 
 rected? Will no virtues be strengthened, nor 
 family bonds made yet more firm by this un-
 
 TO MOTHERS. 301 
 
 trammelled intercourse? Benefit to every party 
 concerned must be the result of this plan, which 
 should be adopted by every parent in the realm. 
 
 Another mooted point is the bounds to the 
 intercourse between the governess and the fa- 
 mily. Speaking from experience, I never can 
 think it advisable for the governess to be ex- 
 pected to spend every evening in the drawing- 
 room. It is an intolerable tax on all parties 
 a loss of time to the governess, who should be 
 amusing or improving herself; and very embar- 
 rassing to a husband and wife, who probably have 
 their own affairs to discuss. But why should not 
 the governess be invited, like any other visitor, 
 and when in the drawing-room be treated as her 
 education and responsible office demand ? Surely 
 the best solution of a difficulty felt by both par- 
 ties would be found in this simple expedient. 
 
 Much could I say of the trials of a governess 
 of the wear and tear of brain, which results 
 so frequently in insanity ; of the many and pe- 
 culiar trials of the profession; but I refrain. 
 One caution only would I give, not to make a 
 great profession of religion, whilst your deeds 
 are at variance with it. 
 
 D D
 
 302 TO MOTHERS. 
 
 To conclude. In the relation of parents 
 and governesses, as in every other in life, one, 
 and but one rule of life is required. Let mo- 
 thers do to the instructresses of their children 
 as they would wish others to do to them in like 
 circumstances; but let them not pique them- 
 selves on being good mothers, or deserving of 
 the name of mothers at all, while they will not, 
 for the sake of their offspring, forego one super- 
 fluous luxury, or subdue one unchristian temper. 
 
 Act then on that one single-minded principle 
 of " doing as you would be done by." When 
 this perfect maxim of human conduct becomes 
 the principle of the actions of those who employ 
 governesses, that class will become, by the force 
 of natural circumstances, more competent to 
 fulfil their duties. They will have inducements 
 to make their whole profession honourable ; 
 whilst it now requires a mighty effort in certain 
 individuals to maintain even the humble posi- 
 tion assigned to it by public opinion. 
 
 I will conclude by reminding you that the 
 Bible itself commands that exercise of justice, 
 of the wisdom and policy of which I have been 
 endeavouring to convince you.
 
 303 
 
 L'ENVOI. 
 
 "L'homme propose, mats Dieu dispose" is a 
 motto which perhaps every one of us might 
 adopt as our own. Into how many paths are we 
 led by the force of circumstances, which would 
 be the last we should select were we absolutely 
 free agents ! And yet how often it happens that, 
 tracing back step by step our career, we find 
 that there is some obvious good, not only to 
 ourselves but to others, in the state of affairs 
 which we might otherwise be tempted to regard 
 as unfortunate. 
 
 In truth, had we that profound faith in the 
 good Providence of our heavenly Father which 
 we all profess to have, we should be rather in- 
 clined to look round us, and see how we could 
 turn each circumstance to the best ad vantage to 
 ourselves and others, than repine at a lot which 
 may and must have good in it, if we only knew 
 how to recognise it. 
 
 Can any phenomenon in nature be more won-
 
 304 L'ENVOI. 
 
 derful than the way in which we are prepared, 
 by the vicissitudes of life, to act a certain ear- 
 nest and useful part towards our fellow-crea- 
 tures ? The only misfortune appears to be that 
 too often we do not seek to know what our 
 mission is until it is too late to accomplish it ; 
 but assuredly it is our wisdom as certainly as 
 our happiness to ascertain in what career we are 
 most likely to be useful, and to maintain our 
 career, once so selected, with a constancy which 
 only profound FAITH and earnest HOPE can 
 inspire. 
 
 I almost fear to appear egotistical if I trespass 
 on my reader's time by entering on an explana- 
 tion of my own plans, and the means for their 
 fulfilment ; but it is not from their relation to 
 myself, but because I have a thorough belief in 
 their practicability, and a strong conviction that 
 they are calculated to effect much good to my 
 own sex that I venture to lay them before the 
 public. In doing so, I must enter on details 
 which could have no interest to the reader did 
 they not bear directly on the destiny and welfare 
 of very many besides the writer. 
 
 The daughter of an officer whose life fell a
 
 I/ENVOI. 305 
 
 sacrifice to his zeal in the service of his country 
 the granddaughter, niece, sister of men fol- 
 lowing the same honourable profession it has 
 been a matter of surprise and regret to some of 
 my friends that I should have been engaged in 
 commerce, or, to speak more plainly, become a 
 shopkeeper. That I have done so is true ; and 
 so evidently is this the result of Destiny rather 
 than choice, that I have felt, from the moment 
 of embarking in it, that there was some higher 
 and better object to be achieved, (could I but 
 fathom it,) than the accumulation of pounds, 
 shillings, and pence, that I have never ceased 
 to weigh every passing event as a seaman would 
 watch the current of the waves, to see whither 
 they would carry him. I think I have now 
 ascertained what this object is which I am des- 
 tined to fulfil, and for which every former part 
 of my life, as teacher and writer, has been pre- 
 paring me. And thus it was that I became a 
 shopkeeper. 
 
 I had spent some years in unremitting toil as 
 a governess, varied only by the regular or casual 
 employment of my pen on the press, when my 
 kind friend and publisher, Mr. Barton, proposed 
 
 D D 2
 
 308 L'ENVOI. 
 
 to me to write a book on needlework, an offer 
 which I had but one scruple about accepting 
 the slight one, that I knew nothing whatever of 
 the subject. However, study, and the remem- 
 brance of the early instructions of my dear mo- 
 ther, whose skill surpassed that of any woman I 
 have ever seen, enabled me to write the work in 
 question, though no one was so much amazed 
 as myself to find it a success. From that time 
 offers of engagements on that department of the 
 various periodicals poured in, and as, perhaps, 
 a necessary consequence, inquiries where this 
 and that material could be had; and sugges- 
 tions from all quarters that I would keep the ma- 
 terials for my designs. The little serial on needle- 
 work had transformed the author and teacher 
 into tell it not in Gath ! a shopkeeper ! 
 
 I had had so little hand in the change that it 
 fairly puzzled me. I am one of those who be- 
 lieve that every incident of life and every ac- 
 quirement is destined for some wise purpose ; 
 and for long I could not understand why I had 
 thus found myself in a position for which my 
 previous habits and my acquirements in no way 
 prepared me. Were the languages and litcra-
 
 L ENVOI. 307 
 
 ture in which I had delighted, the knowledge of 
 young people, and the management of them, to 
 be utterly useless accomplishments thrown aside 
 for ever? I felt that it was not so ; that there 
 was some ulterior reason for all I had seen and 
 suffered, and that I had only to wait and watch 
 to discover it. I was not wrong. As I began 
 to receive young people into my house, to in- 
 struct them in business, I found all my re- 
 sources of service. In improving their minds 
 and amusing their leisure hours, I observed I 
 was developing an intelligence as well as a good 
 feeling, valuable in the highest degree to myself, 
 and equally also to their benefit ; and often have 
 I been congratulated on the ladylike manners 
 and good sense of my young people, obviously 
 so different to those in many establishments. 
 
 I began to understand for what I was living. 
 I saw that it was in my power to open out a new 
 career for girls who, not having abilities to fit 
 them for governess- ships, might yet earn a com- 
 fortable livelihood in commerce if properly 
 { rained; and I resolved to devote my large 
 handsome house in Albany Street to the pur- 
 poses of a TRAINING INSTITUTION for young
 
 308 L'ENVOI. 
 
 ladies, who should afterwards enter business. 
 For this my arrangements are now completed, 
 and a very brief programme will suffice to show 
 its nature. 
 
 The first consideration was the health of the 
 pupils, inasmuch as, that destroyed, nothing can 
 ever replace the blessing. Airy rooms, good 
 and abundant food, and plenty of exercise, are 
 the chief conditions of health to all young peo- 
 ple; and to secure this, as far as possible, I 
 resolved to allow them an hour in the middle or 
 best part of the day, for exercise in the open 
 air, besides other intervals. A knowledge of 
 drawing and designing, and facility in the use 
 of the pencil are so obviously necessary, I need 
 not dilate on it; but I have been fortunate 
 enough to secure the services and co-operation 
 of a lady from the Government School of Design, 
 to give them weekly lessons in this branch of 
 art. As a privilege and an amusement for their 
 leisure hours, a lady also attends twice a week 
 in the evening to give them lessons in Music ; 
 and I shall myself be their instructress in 
 French (a most essential acquirement in any 
 Berlin House,) and in English composition,
 
 L'BNVOI. 309 
 
 letter writing, &c. The day will be occupied 
 thus : 
 
 8 to 9. Breakfast and Prayers. 
 
 9 to 12. .Business. 
 
 12 to 2. Exercise and Dinner. 
 
 2 to 6. Business, with one hour reading aloud. 
 
 6 to 7. Tea. 
 
 7 to 9. Music, Painting, Drawing, French, and English. 
 9 to 9. Free. 
 
 . Supper, Prayers, Bed. 
 
 One Monday in the month is a whole holi- 
 day, an arrangement which enables those who 
 have friends in town to remain with them. 
 Another will be devoted to cutting out and 
 making articles of apparel for the poor, at once 
 a very useful lesson to the young ladies them- 
 selves, and a benefit to others. On another 
 Monday I contemplate having a competent 
 dressmaker to teach them to cut out and make 
 their own dresses, and the afternoon will be de- 
 voted to learning how to make and mend their 
 linen. The fourth they will work for bazaars, 
 &c., in aid of charities. 
 
 I purpose also to intrust each alternately with 
 the housekeeping for a week, so as to accustom 
 her to the details of domestic economy.
 
 310 L'ENVOI. 
 
 The Sunday is spent at home, if they please : 
 if not, they go to church, generally morning and 
 evening ; and suitable hooks and a quiet walk 
 fill up the rest of the day. 
 
 So prepared, I trust my pupils will be enabled 
 to command a higher salary in a house of busi- 
 ness than any are at present paid. Certainly 
 they will be infinitely more valuable to their 
 employers, and I am very sure will be far hap- 
 pier than they could be as ill-paid third-rate 
 governesses. Besides, if one establishment 
 makes health and mental improvement an ob- 
 ject, others will follow the example. Then the 
 domestic employment will enable them to acquit 
 themselves well in their more certain destiny as 
 wives and mothers. In short, it is my aim, 
 while preparing them to take a high position in 
 business, not to unfit them to be ornaments to 
 their own homes. 
 
 From those who wish to enter my establish- 
 ment I shall require certificates that they have 
 had the usual diseases of childhood, are in sound 
 health, and free from any tendency to consump- 
 tion or other hereditary malady. 
 
 I shall also require a reference from the
 
 I/ENVOI 
 
 teacher or instructress of the young lady, that 
 I may be assured she has a disposition to im- 
 prove herself, and a taste for needlework. 
 
 My terms will be forty guineas for one year, 
 or sixty for two, which will include every ex- 
 pense except the laundress' and medical attend- 
 ance, if required. Five guineas must be paid 
 on making the agreement, half the remainder 
 on entrance, and the rest at the expiration of 
 three months. 
 
 Further, whenever I have twelve articled 
 pupils on the terms before mentioned, I shall 
 endeavour to do my little part towards lessening 
 the domestic calamity occasioned by the present 
 war, by receiving without a fee the orphan 
 daughter of some officer who may have fallen 
 in the conflict. She shall be treated as the 
 daughter of a brave man should be, and enjoy 
 all the privileges of the others ; and at the expi- 
 ration of a year my best endeavours shall be 
 used to place her in a situation, while her place 
 will be again filled, if I prosper, by another 
 young lady under like circumstances. 
 
 May I venture to hope that my exertions will 
 meet with encouragement from those who have
 
 312 I/ENVOI. 
 
 it in their power to aid effectually any plans for 
 the well-being of the less fortunate part of the 
 community. Those who- have read this little 
 work will know that I have seen much of the 
 difficulties that surround our sex in the pursuit 
 of independence. If I can lessen those diffi- 
 culties, I achieve an object to which any man 
 or woman might be proud to dedicate a lifetime. 
 
 Of governesses and governess agents I have 
 said much, but not a word too much. On this 
 latter subject, emphatically, I speak that which 
 I know, and testify that I have seen. Except in 
 one or two instances the system is altogether 
 fraught with mischief; it affords a living to pre- 
 tenders of no education or connexions, and is 
 injurious in the highest degree to the unhappy 
 dupes who are induced to apply at the offices. 
 
 I have only to add, that should any one wish 
 to consult me, either regarding my own esta- 
 blishment or any of the statements made in 
 this little work, I receive visitors EVERY WED- 
 NESDAY, from eleven to three o'clock. 
 
 326, ALBANY STREET, REGENT'S PABK, 
 Nov. 15th, 1854.
 
 
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