THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES Al/vu tCfktu JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES THE HUNTING, SHOOTING, RACING, DRIVING, SAILING, EATING, ECCENTRIC AND EXTRAVAGANT EXPLOITS OF THAT RENOWNED SPORTING CITIZEN, MR. JOHN JORROCKS OF ST. BOTOLPH LANE AND GREAT CORAM STREET BY R. S. SURTEES WITH FIFTEEN COLOURED ILLUSTRATIONS BY HENRY ALKEN A NEW EDITION NEW YORK D. APPLETON & COMPANY 1903 NOTE '"PHIS Issue is founded on the Edition published by R. Ackermann in the year 1843 % ■U <^ m 0*L> jl ys>> %k*A ?K CONTENTS Swell and the Surrey The Yorkshireman and the Surrey Surrey Shooting — Mr. Jorrocks in Trouble Mr. Jorrocks and the Surrey Stag-Hounds The Turf : Mr. Jorrocks at Newmarket Aquatics : Mr. Jorrocks at Margate The Road : English and French . Mr. Jorrocks in Paris Sporting in France .... Mr. Jorrocks's Dinner Party. iS 42 63 So 106 136 170 195 216 120933 7 LIST OF THE PLATES Mr. Jorrocks telegraphs the Fox . . . Frontispiece Illustrated Title-page The Appearance of Swell astonishes the Surrey Hunt ........ To face p. 9 Mr. Jorrocks introduces the Yorkshireman to the Surrey ...... ,, 29 Squire Cheatham's Keeper attacks the Murderer of Old Tom ,,52 Mr. Jorrocks declares his inability to subscribe to the Surrey Stag-Hounds . . . ,, 70 t The Baron "Vills his Wet" .... „ 93 Mr. Jorrocks makes his Entree into the New- market Betting Ring .... ,, 97 "O Gentlemen! Gentlemen! here's a lament- able occurrence" . . . . . ,,128 "Water I do declare — with worms in it" . ,, 166 Mr. Jorrocks renounces the acquaintance of the Yorkshireman . . . . . ,, 174 Mr. Jorrocks makes a Faux Pas . . . ,, 185 Mr. Jorrocks beats the Baron for Speed . . ,, 205 Mr. Jorrocks takes a ride at St. Cloud . . ,, 208 "Lift Me Up! Tie Me in my Chair! Fill my Glass " ,, 240 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES SWELL AND THE SURREY WHAT true-bred city sportsman has not in his day put off the most urgent business — perhaps his marriage, or even the interment of his rib — that he might "brave the morn " with that renowned pack, the Surrey subscription fox-hounds ? Lives there, we would ask, a thorough-bred, prime, bang-up, slap- dash, break-neck, out-and-out artist, within three miles of the Monument, who has not occasionally "gone a good un " with this celebrated pack? And shall we, the bard of Eastcheap, born all deeds of daring to record, shall we, who so oft have witnessed — nay, shared — the hardy exploits of our fellow cits, shall we sit still, and never cease the eternal twirl of our dexter around our sinister thumb, while other scribes hand down to future ages the paltry feats of beardless Meltonians, and try to shame old Father Thames himself with muddy Whissendine's foul stream ? Away ! thou vampire, Indolence, that suckest the marrow of imagination, and fattenest on the cream of idea ere yet it float on the milk of reflection. Hence ! slug-begotten hag, thy power is gone, — the murky veil thou'st drawn o'er memory's sweetest page is rent ! " Harp of Eastcheap, awake !" Our thoughts hark back to the coverside, and our heart o'erflows with recollections of the past, when i 2 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES life rode the pace through our veins, and the bark of the veriest mongrel, or the bray of the sorriest costermonger's sorriest "Jerusalem," were far more musical sounds than Paganini's pizzicatos or Catalini's clamorous caterwaulings. And thou, Goddess of the Silver Bow — chaste Diana — deign to become the leading star of our lucubrations ; come perch upon our grey goose-quill : shout in our ear the maddening Tally-ho ! and ever and anon give a salutary "refresher" to our memory with thy heaven-wrought spurs — those spurs old Vulcan forged when in his maddest mood — whilst we relate such feats of town-born youths and city squires, as shall "harrow up the souls" of milk-sop Melton's choicest sons, and " fright their grass-galloping garrons from their propriety." But gently, Pegasus ! Here again, boys, and "let's to business," as they say on 'Change. 'Twere almost needless to inform our readers, that such portion of a county as is hunted by any one pack of hounds is technically denominated their country; and of all countries under the sun, that of the Surrey subscription fox-hounds undoubtedly bears the bell. This superiority arises from the peculiar nature of the soil — wretched starvation stuff most profusely studded with huge sharp flints, — the abund- ance of large woods, particularly on the Kent side, and the range of mountainous hills that run directly through the centre, which afford accommodation to the timid, and are unknown in most counties and unequalled in any. One of the most striking features in the aspect of this chosen region of fox-hunting, is the quiet, easy manner in which the sportsmen take the thing. On they go — now trotting gently over the flints — now softly ambling along the grassy ridge of some stupendous hill — now quietly following each other in long-drawn files, like geese, through some close and SWELL AND THE SURREY 3 deep ravine or interminable wood, which re-echoes to their never-ceasing holloas — every man shouting in proportion to the amount of his subscription, until day is made horrible with their yelling. There is no pushing, jostling, rushing, cramming, or riding over one another ; no jealousy, discord, or daring ; no ridiculous foolhardy feats ; but each man cranes and rides, and rides and cranes, in a style that would gladden the eyes of a director of an insurance office. The members of the Surrey are the people that combine business with pleasure, and even in the severest run can find time for sweet discourse, and talk about the price of stocks or stockings. " Yooi, wind him there, good dog, yooi, wind him." — "Cottons is fell."— "Hark to Cottager! Hark!" — " Take your bill at three months, or give you three- and-a-half discount for cash." — "Eu in there, eu in, Cheapside, good dog." — •" Don't be in a hurry, sir, pray ! He may be in the empty casks behind the cooper's. Yooi, try for him, good bitch. Yooi, push him out." — " You're not going down that bank, sure/y, sir ? Why, it's almost perpendicular ! For God's sake, sir, take care — remember you are not insured. Ah ! you had better get off — here, let me hold your nag, and when you're down you can catch mine ; — thafs your sort, but mind he doesn't break the bridle. He won't run away, for he knows I've got some sliced carrots in my pocket to reward him if he does well. — Thank you, sir, and now for a leg up — there we are — thafs your sort — I'll wait till you are up also, and we'll be off together." It is this union of the elegant courtesies and business of life with the energetic sports of the field, that constitutes the charm of Surrey hunting ; and who can wonder that smoked-dried cits, pent up all the week, should gladly fly from their shops to enjoy a day's sport on a Saturday ? We must not, however, omit to express a hope that young men, who 4 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES have their way to make in the world, may not be led astray by its allurements. It is all very well for old- established shopkeepers "to do a bit of pleasure" occasionally, but the apprentice or journeyman, who understands his duties and the tricks of his trade, will never be found capering in the hunting field. He will feel that his proper place is behind the counter ; and while his master is away enjoying the pleasures of the chase, he can prig as much "pewter" from the till as will take both himself and his "woman" to Sadler's Wells Theatre, or any other place she may choose to appoint. But to return to the Surrey. The town of Croydon, nine miles from the standard in Comhill, is the general rendezvous of the gallant sportsmen. It is the principal market town in the eastern division of the county of Surrey ; and the chaw-bacons who carry the produce of their acres to it, instead of to the neighbouring village of London, retain much of their pristine barbarity. The town furnishes an interest- ing scene on a hunting morning, particularly on a Saturday. At an early hour, groups of grinning cits may be seen pouring in from the London side, some on the top of Cloud's coaches, some in taxed carts, but the greater number mounted on good serviceable- looking nags, of the invaluable species, calculated for sport or business, " warranted free from vice, and quiet both to ride and in harness " ; some few there are, who, with that kindness and considerate attention which peculiarly mark this class of sportsmen, having tacked a buggy to their hunter, and given a seat to a friend, who, leaning over the back of the gig, his jocund phiz turned towards his fidus Achates, leads his own horse behind, listening to the discourse ot " his ancient," or regaling him " with sweet converse " ; and thus they onward jog, until the sign of the Greyhound, stretching quite across the main street, greets their expectant optics, and seems to forbid SWELL AND THE SURREY 5 their passing the open portal below. In they wend then, and having seen their horses " sorted," and the collar marks (as much as may be) carefully effaced by the shrewd application of a due quantity of grease and lamp black, speed into " mine host," and order a sound repast of the good things of this world ; the which to discuss, they presently apply themselves with a vigour that indicates as much a determination to recruit fatigue endured, as to lay in a stock against the effects of future exertion. Meanwhile the bustle increases ; sportsmen arrive by the score, fresh tables are laid out, covered with "no end" of vivers ; and towards the hour of nine may be heard to perfection that pleasing assemblage of sounds issuing from the masticatory organs of a number of men steadfastly and studiously employed in the delightful occupation of preparing their mouthfuls for deglutition. " O nodes ccenceque Deum," saith friend Flaccus. Oh, hunting breakfasts ! say we. Where are now the jocund laugh, the repartee, the oft-repeated tale, the last debate? As our sporting contemporary, the Quarterly, said, when describing the noiseless pursuit of old Reynard by the Quorn : — " Reader, there is no crash now, and not much music." It is the tinker that makes a great noise over a little work, but, at the pace these men are eating, there is no time for babbling. So, gentle lector, there is now no leisure for bandying compliments, 'tis your small eater alone who chatters o'er his meals ; your true-born sportsman is ever a silent and, consequently, an assiduous grubber. True it is that occasionally space is found between mouth- fuls to vociferate " waiter ! " in a tone that requires not repetition ; and most sonorously do the throats of the assembled eaters re-echo the sound ; but this is all — no useless exuberance of speech ; — no, the knife or fork is directed towards what is wanted, nor needs there any more expressive intimation of the applicant's wants. 6 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES At length the hour of ten approaches ; bills are paid, pocket-pistols filled, sandwiches stowed away, horses accoutred, and our bevy straddle forth into the town, to the infinite gratification of troops of dirty- nosed urchins, who, for the last hour, have been peeping in at the windows, impatiently watching for the exeunt of our worthies. — They mount, and away — trot, trot, — bump, bump, — trot, — bump, bump, — over Addington Heath, through the village and up the hill to Hayes Common, which having gained, spurs are applied, and any slight degree of pursiness that the good steeds may have acquired by standing at livery in Cripplegate, or elsewhere, is speedily pumped out of them by a smart brush over the turf, to the Fox, at Keston, where a numerous assemblage of true sportsmen patiently await the usual hour for throwing off. At length time being called, say twenty minutes to eleven, and Mr. Jorrocks, Nodding Homer, and the principal subscribers having cast up, the hounds approach the cover. " Yooi in there I" shouts Tom Hill, who has long hunted this crack pack ; and crack ! crack ! crack ! go the whips of some scores of sportsmen. " Yelp, yelp, yelp," howl the hounds ; and in about a quarter of an hour Tom has not above four or five couple at his heels. This number being a trifle, Tom runs his prad at a gap in the fence by the woodside ; the old nag goes well at it, but stops short at the critical moment, and, instead of taking the ditch, bolts and wheels round. Tom, how- ever, who is " large in the boiling-pieces," as they say at Whitechapel, is prevented by his weight from being shaken out of his saddle ; and, being resolved to take no denial, he lays the crop of his hunting-whip about the head of his beast, and runs him at the same spot a second time, with an obligato accompaniment of his spur-rowels, backed by a " curm along, then ! " issued in such a tone as plainly informs his quadruped he is in no joking humour. These incentives succeed in land- SWELL AND THE SURREY 7 ing Tom and his nag in the wished-for spot, when immediately the wood begins to resound with shouts of " Yoicks True-bo-y, yoicks True-bo-y, yoicks push him up, yoicks wind him ! " and the whole pack begin to work like good uns. Occasionally may be heard the howl of some unfortunate hound that has been caught in a fox-trap, or taken in a hare-snare ; and not unfrequently the discordant growls of some three or four more, vociferously quarrelling over the vener- able remains of some defunct rabbit. " Oh, you rogues," cries Mr. Jorrocks, a cit rapturously fond of the sport. After the lapse of half an hour the noise in the wood for a time increases audibly. 'Tis Tom chastising the gourmands. Another quarter of an hour, and a hound that has finished his coney bone slips out of the wood, and takes a roll upon the greensward, opining, no doubt, that such pastime is preferable to scratching his hide among brambles in the covers. " Hounds have no right to opine," opines the head whipper-in ; so clapping spurs into his prad, he begins to pursue the delinquent round the common, with " Markis, Markis ! what are you at, Markis ? Get into cover, Markis ! " But "it's no go" ; Marquis creeps through a hedge, and "grins horribly a ghastly smile" at his ruthless tormentor, who wends back, well pleased at having had an excuse for taking " a bit gallop " ! Half an hour more slips away, and some of the least hasty of our cits begin to wax impatient in spite of the oft-repeated admonition, " dorit be in a hurry I " At length a yokel pops out of the cover, and as soon as he has recovered breath, informs the field that he has been " a hollorin' to 'em for half an hour," and that the fox had "gone away for Tatsfield, 'most as soon as ever the 'oounds went into 'ood." All is now hurry-scurry, — girths are tightened, — reins gathered up, — half-munched sandwiches thrust into the mouth, — pocket-pistols applied to, — coats comfortably buttoned up to the throat ; and, these 8 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES preparations made, away goes the whole field, "coolly and fairly," along the road to Leaves Green and Crown Ash Hill, — from which latter spot, the operations of the pack in the bottom may be com- fortably and securely viewed, — leaving the whips to flog as many hounds out of cover as they can, and Tom to entice as many more as are willing to follow the " twang, twang, twang " of his horn. And now, a sufficient number of hounds having been seduced from the wood, forth sallies "Tummas," and making straight for the spot where our yokel's " mate " stands leaning on his plough-stilts, obtains from him the exact latitude and longitude of the spot where Reynard broke through the hedge. To this identical place is the pack forthwith led ; and, no sooner have they reached it, than the wagging of their sterns clearly shows how genuine is their breed. Old Strumpet, at length, first looking up in Tom's face for applause, ventures to send forth a long-drawn howl, which, coupled with Tom's screech, setting the rest agog, away they all go, like beans ; and the wind, fortunately setting towards Westerham, bears the melodious sound to the delighted ears of our "roadsters," who, forthwith catching the infection, respond with deafening shouts, and joyous yells, set to every key, and disdaining the laws of harmony. Thus, what with Tom's horn, the halloaing of the whips, and the shouts of the riders, a very pretty notion may be formed of what Virgil calls — "Clamorque virum clangorque tubarum" — A terrible noise is the result ! At the end of nine minutes or so, the hounds come to fault in the bottom, below the blacksmith's at Crown Ash Hill, and the fox has a capital chance ; in fact, they have changed for the blacksmith's torn cat, which rushed out before them, and, finding their mistake, return at their leisure. This gives the most SWELL AND THE SURREY 9 daring of the field, on the eminence, an opportunity of descending to view the sport more closely ; and being assembled in the bottom, each congratulates his neighbour on the excellent condition and staunch- ness of the hounds, and the admirable view that has been afforded them of their peculiar style of hunting. At this interesting period, a "regular swell" from Melton Mowbray, unknown to everyone except his tailor, to whom he owes a long tick, makes his appear- ance and affords abundance of merriment for our sportsmen. He is just turned out of the hands of his valet, and presents the very beau ideal of his caste — " quite the lady," in fact. His hat is stuck on one side, displaying a profusion of well-waxed ringlets ; a corresponding infinity of whisker, terminating at the chin, there joins an enormous pair of moustaches, which give him the appearance of having caught the fox himself and stuck its brush below his nose. His neck is very stiff; and the exact Jackson-like fit of his coat, which almost nips him in two at the waist, and his superlatively well-cleaned leather Andersons, 1 together with the perfume and the general puppyism of his appearance, proclaim that he is a " swell " of the very first water, and one that a Surrey sportsman would like to buy at his own price and sell at the other's. In addition to this, his boots, which his " fellow" has just denuded from a pair of wash-leather covers, are of the finest, brightest, blackest patent leather imaginable ; the left one being the identical boot by which Warren's monkey shaved himself, while the right is the one at which the game-cock pecked, mis- taking its own shadow for an opponent, the mark of its bill being still visible above the instep ; and the tops — whose pampered appetites have been fed on champagne — are of the most delicate cream-colour, 1 Anderson, of South Audley Street, is considered to be the only man capable of cutting "unmentionables" worthy the wear of a gentleman. io JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES the whole devoid of mud or speck. The animal he bestrides is no less calculated than himself to excite the risible faculties of the field, being a sort of mouse colour, with dun mane and tail, got by Nicolo, out of a Flibbertygibbet mare, and he stands seventeen hands and an inch. His head is small and blood- like, his girth a mere trifle, and his legs, very long and spidery, of course without any hair at the pasterns to protect them from the flints ; his whole appearance bespeaking him fitter to run for half-mile hunters' stakes at Croxton Park or Leicester, than contend for foxes' brushes in such a splendid country as the Surrey. There he stands, with his tail stuck tight between his legs, shivering and shaking for all the world as if troubled with a fit of ague. And well he may, poor beast, for — oh, men of Surrey, London, Kent, and Middlesex, hearken to my word — on closer inspection he proves to have been shaved ! ! ! x After a considerable time spent in casting to the right, the left, and the rear, " True-douy " chances to take a fling in advance, and, hitting upon the scent, proclaims it with his wonted energy, which drawing all his brethren to the spot, they pick it slowly over some brick-fields and flint-beds, to an old lady's flower-garden, through which they carry it with a surprising head into the fields beyond, when they begin to fall into line, and the sportsmen doing the same — " one at a time, and it will last the longer " — " Tummas " tootles his horn, the hunt is up, and away they all rattle at "Parliament pace," as the hackney-coachmen say. Our swell, who flatters himself he can "ride a few," according to the fashion of his country, takes up a line of his own, abreast of the leading hounds, notwithstanding the oft-vociferated cry of " Hold hard, sir!" "Pray, hold hard, sir!" "For God's 1 Shaving was in great vogue at Melton some seasons back. It was succeeded by clipping, and clipping by singeing. SWELL AND THE SURREY n sake, hold hard, sir ! " " G — d d — n you, hold hard, sir!" "Where the h — //are you going to, sir?" and other familiar inquiries and benedictions, with which a stranger is sometimes greeted, who ventures to take a look at a strange pack of hounds. In the meantime the fox, who had often had a game at romps with his pursuers, being resolved this time to give them a tickler, bears straight away for Westerham, to the infinite satisfaction of the " hill folks," who thus have an excellent opportunity of seeing the run without putting their horses to the trouble of "rejoicing in their strength, or pawing in the valley." But who is so fortunate as to be near the scene of action in this second scurry, almost as fast as the first? Our fancy supplies us, and there not being many, we will just initialise them all, and let him whom the cap fits put it on. If we look to the left, nearly abreast of the three couple of hounds that are leading by some half mile or so, we shall see " Swell " — like a monkey on a giraffe — striding away in the true Leicestershire style ; the animal contracting its stride after every exertion in pulling its long legs out of the deep and clayey soil, until the Bromley barber, who has been quilting his mule along at a fearful rate, and in high dudgeon at anyone presuming to exercise his profession upon a dumb brute, overtakes him, and in the endeavour to pass, lays it into his mule in a style that would insure him rotatory occupation at Brixton for his spindles, should any member of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals witness his proceedings ; while his friend and neighbour old B., the tinker, plies his little mare with the Brummagems, to be ready to ride over " Swell " the instant the barber gets him down. On the right of the leading hounds are three crack members of the Surrey, Messrs. B — e, S — bs, and B — 1, all lads who can go ; while a long way in the rear of the body of the pack i2 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES are some dozen, who, while they sat on the hills, thought they could also, but who now find out their mistake. Down Windy Lane, a glimpse of a few red coats may be caught passing the gaps and weak parts of the fence, among whom we distinctly recognize the worthy master of the pack, followed by Jorrocks, with his long coat laps floating in the breeze, who thinking that " catching-time " must be near at hand, and being dearly fond of blood, has descended from his high station to witness the close of the scene. " Vot a pace ! and vot a country ! " cries the grocer, standing high in his stirrups, and bending over the neck of his chestnut as though he were meditating a plunge over his head ; " how they stick to him ! vot a pack ! by Jove, they are at fault again. Yooi, Pilgrim ! Yooi, Warbler, ma load ! (lad). Tom, try down the hedge-row." 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"2 o - S.3 > r o 8 Id a ■j •a y S>> T. — ~ Ji Jim — y r; R "v b O , in 3 ■*■ t ^ -r , o oi «5 c c £ c en If) c rt tn 3 '•> .y E > '3 2 y u «^ . - , a y rt rt n B . o rt S 3 1 3 « X ri w ^ 5 (ft C V = i3 10 '3 y g S-OT ■81.11 8- S U y X - X pq O pq - < m 1 « J *.s , t , g . g C u i 1 j» a 2 M . ,y ■- h 3 ■;. !S v S " - = Z Y. - _: y 3 8-S J3 S o -3 3 1 c 3 r. a _2 £ 2> — O ■- ■l 3 3 3 O 3 3 o « M ■■j o 3 O > <, ■- u; o > o O 2oo JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES Foreigners accuse the English of claiming every good-looking horse, and every well-built carriage, met on the continent, as their own, but we think that few would be ambitious of laying claim to the honour of supplying France with jockeys or race-horses. Mr. Jorrocks, indeed, indifferent as he is to the affairs of the turf, could not suppress his "conwiction" of the difference between the fiibberty-gibberty appear- ance of the Frenchmen, and the quiet, easy, close- sitting jockeys of Newmarket. The former all legs and elbows, spurting and pushing to the front at starting, in tawdry, faded jackets, and nankeen shorts, just like the frowsy door-keepers of an Epsom gambling -booth; the latter in clean, neat -fitting leathers, well-cleaned boots, spick and span new jackets, feeling their horses' mouths, quietly in the rear, with their whip hands resting on their thighs. Then such riding ! A hulking Norman with his knees up to his chin, and a long, lean, half-starved looking Frenchman set astride like a pair of tongs, with a wet sponge applied to his knees before starting, followed by a runaway English stable lad, in white cords and drab gaiters, and half a dozen others equally singular, spurring and tearing round and round, throwing the gravel and sand into each other's faces, until the field was so separated as to render it difficult to say which was leading and which was tailing, for it is one of the rules of their races, that each heat must be run in a certain time, consequently, though all the horses may be distanced, the winner keeps working away. Then what an absence of interest and enthusiasm on the part of the spectators ! Three-fourths of them did not know where the horses started, scarcely a man knew their names, and the few ten penny bets that were made, were sported upon the colour of the jackets. A Frenchman has no notion of racing, and it is on record that after a heat in which the winning horse, after making a waiting SPORTING IN FRANCE 201 race, ran in at the finish, a Parisian observed, that "although 'Annette' had won at the finish, he thought the greater honour was due to ' Hercule,' he having kept the lead the greater part of the dis- tance." On someone explaining to him that the jockey on "Annette" had purposely made awaiting race, he was totally incredulous, asserting that he was sure the jockeys had too much amour propre to remain in the rear at any part of the race, when they might be in front. 1 " Moderate sport," said Mr. Jorrocks to himself, curling his mustachios, and jingling a handful of five- franc pieces in the pocket of his leathers, — " moderate sport indeed," and therefore he turned his back to the course and walked the Countess off towards the cab. From beneath a low, tenth-rate looking booth, called " The Cottage of Content," supported by poles placed on the stunted trees of the avenue, and ex- hibiting on a blue board, "John Jones, dealer in British beer," in gilt letters, there issued the sound of voices clamouring about odds and weights and scales ; and on looking in, a score of ragamuffin-look- ing grooms, imitation jockeys, and the usual hangers- on of race-horses and livery-stables, were seen drinking beer, smoking, playing at cards, dice, and chuck- farthing. Before the well-patched canvas curtain that flapped before the entrance, a crowd had collected round one of the horses which was in the care of five or six fellows, one to hold him, another to whistle to him, a third to whisk the flies away with a horse's tail, a fourth to scrape him, a fifth to rinse his mouth out, — while the stud-groom, a tall, gaunt, hairy-looking fellow, in his shirt sleeves, with ear-rings, a blue apron and trousers (more like a gardener than a groom), walked round and round with mystified dignity, sacreing and muttering, " Ne parlez pas, ne parlez pas," as anyone approached who seemed likely 1 New Sporting Magazine, vol. vii. p. 139. 202 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES to ask questions. Mr. Jorrocks, having well ascer- tained the importance of his hat and feather, pushed his way with the greatest coolness into the ring, just to cast his eye over the horse and see whether he was fit to go with the Surrey, and the stud-groom immediately took off his lavender-coloured foraging cap, and made two profound salaams, one to the Colonel, the other to the Countess. Mr Jorrocks, all politeness, took off his chapeau, and no sooner was it in the air, than with a wild exclamation of surprise and delight, the groom screamed, "O Monsieur Shorrock, mon ami comment vous portez- vous?" threw his arms round the Colonel's neck, and kissed him on each cheek. "Hold!" roared the Colonel, half smothered in the embrace, and, disengaging himself, he drew back a few paces, putting his hand on the hilt of his sword, when in the training groom of Paris he recognized his friend the Baron of Newmarket. The abruptness of the incident disarmed Mr. Jorrocks of reflection, and being a man of impulse and warm affections, he at once forgave the novelty of the embrace, and most cordially joined hands with those of his friend. They then struck up a mixture of broken English, and equally broken French, in mutual inquiries after each other's healths and movements, and presuming that Mr. Jorrocks was following up the sporting trade in Paris, the Baron most considerately gave him his best recommendations which horse to back, kindly betting with him himself, but, unfortunately, at each time assigning Mr. Jorrocks the losing horse. At length, being completely cleaned out, he declined any further transactions, and having got the Countess into the cab, was in the act of climbing in himself, when someone took him by the sword as he was hoisting himself up by the wooden apron, and drew him back to the ground. " Holloa, Stubbs, my boy ! " cried he, "I'm werry 'appy to see ye," holding out SPORTING IN FRANCE 203 his hand, and thereupon Mr. Stubbs took off his hat to the Countess. "Well, now, the deuce be in these French," observed Mr. Jorrocks, confidentially, in an undertone, as, resigning the reins to Agamemnon, he put his arm through the Yorkshireman's, and drew out of hearing of the Countess behind the cab — "the deuce be in them, I say. There's that beggarly Baron as we met at Newmarket, has just diddled me out of four naps and a half, by getting me to back 'osses that he said were certain to win, and I really don't know how we are to make ' tongue and buckle ' meet, as the coachmen say. Somehow or other they are far too sharp for me. Cards, dominoes, dice, back- gammon, and racing, all one — they inwariably beat me, and I declare I haven't as much pewter as will coach me to Calais." The Yorkshireman, as may be supposed, was not in a condition to offer any great pecuniary assistance ; but after a turn or two along the mound, he felt it would be a reproach on his country, if he suffered his friend to be done by a Frenchman, and on consideration he thought of a trick that Monsieur would not be up to. Accordingly desiring Mr. Jorrocks to take him to the Baron, and behave with great cordiality, and agree to the proposal he should make, they set off in search of that worthy, who, after some trouble, they discovered in the "Cottage of Content," entertaining John Jones and his comrades with an account of the manner in which he had fleeced Monsieur Shorrock. The Yorkshire- man met him with the greatest delight, shook hands with him over and over again, and then began talking about racing, pigeon-shooting, and Newmarket, pre- tended to be full of money and very anxious for the Baron's advice in laying it out. On hearing this, the Baron beckoned him to retire, and joining him in the avenue, walked him up and down, while he recommended his backing a horse that was notoriously amiss. The Yorkshireman consented, lost a nap 204 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES with great good humour, and banteringly told the Baron he thought he could beat the horse on foot. This led them to talk of foot-racing, and at last the Yorkshireman offered to bet that Mr. Jorrocks would run fifty yards with him on his back before the Baron would run a hundred. Upon this the Baron scratched his head and looked very knowing, pretended to make a calculation, when the Yorkshireman affected fear, and professed his readiness to withdraw the offer. The Baron then plucked up his courage, and after some haggling, the match was made for six naps, the Yorkshireman reckoning the Baron might have ten francs in addition to what he had won of Mr. Jorrocks and himself. The money was then deposited in the hands of the Countess Benvolio, and away went the trio to the " Cottage of Content," to get men and ropes to measure and keep the ground. The English jockeys and lads, though ready enough to pigeon a countryman themselves, have no notion of assisting a foreigner to do so, unless they share in the spoil, and the Baron being a notorious screw, they all seemed heartily glad to find him in a trap. Out then they all sallied, amid cheers and shouts, while John Jones, with a yard-wand in his hand, proceeded to measure a hundred yards along the low side of the mound. This species of amusement being far more in accordance with the taste of the French than any- thing in which horses are concerned, an immense mob flocked to the scene, and the Baron having explained how it was, and being considered a safe man to follow, numerous offers were made to bet against the performance of the match. The York- shireman, being a youth of discretion and accustomed to bet among strangers, got on five naps more with different parties, who, to "prevent accidents," sub- mitted to deposit the money with the Countess, and all things being adjusted, and the course cleared by a picket of infantry, Mr. Jorrocks ungirded his sword SPORTING IN FRANCE 205 and depositing it with his frock - coat in the cab, walked up to the fifty yards he was to have for start. " Now, Colonel," said the Yorkshireman, backing him to the mound, so that he might leap on without shaking him, "put your best leg first, and it's a hollow thing; "if you don't fall, you must win," — and there- upon taking Mr. Jorrocks's cocked hat and feather from his head, he put it sideways on his own, so that he might not be recognized, and mounted his man. Mr. Jorrocks then took his place as directed by John Jones, and at a signal from him — the dropping of a blue cotton handkerchief — away they started amid the shouts, the clapping of hands, and applause of the spectators, who covered the mound and lined the course on either side. Mr. Jorrocks's action was not very capital, his jack-boots and leathers rather impeding his limbs, while the Baron had as little on him as decency would allow. The Yorkshireman feeling his man rather roll at the start, again cautioned him to take it easy, and after a dozen yards he got into a capital run, and though the lanky Baron came tearing along like an ill-fed greyhound, Mr. Jorrocks had full two yards to spare, and ran past the soldier, who stood with his cap on his bayonet as a winning- post, amid the applause of his backers, the yells of his opponents, and the general acclamation of the spectators. The Countess, anticipating the victory of her hero, had despatched Agamemnon early in the day for a chaplet of red and yellow itfimorte/Ies, and having switched the old cab horse up to the winning-post, she gracefully descended, without showing more of her foot and ankle than was strictly correct, and decorated his brow with the wreath, as the Yorkshire- man dismounted. Enthusiasm being always the order of the day in France, this act was greeted with the loudest acclamations, and, without giving him time to recover his wind, the populace bundled 206 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES Mr. Jorrocks neck and shoulders into the cab, and, seizing the old horse by the head, paraded him down the entire length of the Champ de Mars, Mr. Jorrocks bowing and kissing his hands to the assembled multitude, in return for the vivas ! the clapping of hands, and the waving of ribbons and handkerchiefs that greeted him as he went. Popularity is but a fickle goddess, and in no country more fickle than in France. Ere the pro- cession reached the end of the dusty plain, the mob had tailed off very considerably, and as the leader of the old white horse pulled him round to return, a fresh commotion in the distance, caused by the apprehension of a couple of pickpockets, drew away the few followers that remained, and the recently- applauded and belauded Mr. Jorrocks was left alone in his glory. He then pulled up, and taking the chaplet of immortelles from his brow, thrust it under the driving cushion of the cab, and proceeded to reinstate himself in his tight military frock, regird himself with his sword, and resume the cocked hat and feather. Nothing was too good for Mr. Stubbs at that moment, and, had a pen and ink been ready, Mr. Jorrocks would have endorsed him a bill for any amount. Having completed his toilette, he gave the Yorkshireman the vacant seat in the cab, flopped the old horse well about the ears with the pig-driving whip, and trotted briskly up the line he had recently passed in triumphal procession, and wormed his way among the crowd in search of the Countess. There was nothing, however, to be seen of her, and after driving about, and poking his way on foot into all the crowds he could find, bolting up to every lady in blue, he looked at his great double-cased gold repeater, and finding it was near three o'clock and recollecting the fete of St. Cloud, concluded her ladyship must have gone on, and Agamemnon, being anxious to SPORTING IN FRANCE 207 see it, of course was of the same opinion, so again flopping the old horse about the ears, he cut away down the Champ de Mars, and, by the direction of Agamemnon, crossed the Seine by the Pont des Invalides, and gained the route to Versailles. Here the genius of the people was apparent, for the road swarmed with voitures of every description, diligences, gondoles, co-cous, cabs, fiacres, omnibuses, dame-blanches, all rolling and rumbling along, occa- sionally interrupted by the lilting and tilting of a light English cab or tilbury, drawn by a thorough-bred, and driven by a dandy. The spirit of the old white horse even seemed roused, as he got among the carriages, and heard the tramping of hoofs and the jingling of bells round the necks of other horses, and he applied himself to the shafts with a vigour his enfeebled- looking frame appeared incapable of supplying. So they trotted on, and after a mile travelling at a foot's pace after they got into close line, they reached the porte Maillot, and, resigning the cab to the discretion of Agamemnon, Mr. Jorrocks got himself brushed over by one of the gentry who ply in that profession at all public places, and tucking his sword under one arm, he thrust the other through Mr. Stubbs's, and, John-Bull-like, strutted up the long broad grass avenue, through the low part of the wood of St. Cloud, as if all he saw belonged to himself. The scene was splendid, and nature, art, and the weather appeared confederated for effect. On the lofty heights arose the stately palace, looking down with placid grandeur on the full foliage of the venerable trees, over the beautiful gardens, the spouting fountains, the rushing cascades, and the gay and countless myriads that swarmed the avenues, while the circling river flowed calmly on, without a ripple on its surface, as if in ridicule of the sound of trumpets, the clang of cymbals, and the beat of drums that rent the air around. 208 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES Along the broad avenue were ranged shows of every description — wild beasts, giants, jugglers, tumblers, mountebanks, and monsters, while in spots sheltered from the sun by lofty trees were dancing places, swings, round-abouts, archery-butts, pistol- ranges, ball-kicking, and head-thumping places, montagnes-Suisses, all the concomitants of fairs and fetes — beating " Bartlemy-fair," as Mr. Jorrocks candidly confessed, all to nothing. The chance of meeting the Countess Benvolio in such a multitude was very remote indeed, but, to tell the truth, Mr. Jorrocks never once thought of her, until having eat a couple of cold fowls and drunk a bottle of porter, at an English booth, he felt in his pocket for his purse, and remembered it was in her keeping. Mr. Stubbs, however, settled the account, and in high glee Mr. Jorrocks resumed his peregrinations, visiting first one show, then another, shooting with pea-guns, then dancing a quadrille, until he was brought up short, before a splendid green and gold round-about, whose magic circle contained two lions, two swans, two black horses, a tiger, and a giraffe. " Let's have a ride," said he, jumping on to one of the black horses, and adjusting the stirrups to his length. The party was soon made up, and as the last comer crossed his tiger, the engine was propelled by the boys in the centre, and away they went at Derby pace. In six rounds Mr. Jorrocks lost his head, turned completely giddy, and bellowed out to them to stop. They took no heed — all the rest were used to it — and, after divers yells and ineffectual efforts to dismount, he fell to the ground like a sack. The machine was in full work at the time, and swept round three or four times before they could stop it. At last Mr. Stubbs got to him, and a pitiful plight he was in. He had fallen on his head, broken his feather, crushed his " chapeau bras," lost his mustachios, was as pale as SPORTING IN FRANCE 209 death, and very sick. Fortunately the accident happened near the gate leading to the town of St. Cloud, and thither, with the aid of two gendarmes, Mr. Stubbs conveyed the fallen hero, and having put him to bed at the Hotel d'Angleterre, he sent for a "medecin," who of course shook his head, looked very wise, ordered him to drink warm water — a never-failing specific in France — and keep quiet. Finding he had an Englishman for a patient, the "medecin" dropped in every two hours, always concluding with the order " encore l'eau chaud." A good sleep did more for Mr. Jorrocks than the doctor, and when the " medecin " called in the morning, and repeated the injunction " encore l'eau chaud," he bellowed out, " Cuss your l'eau chaud, my stomach arn't a reserwoir ! give me some wittles ! " The return of his appetite being a most favourable symptom, Mr. Stubbs discharged the doctor, and forthwith ordered a "dejeuner a la fourchette," to which Mr. Jorrocks did pretty fair justice, though trifling in comparison with his usual performances. They then got into a Versailles diligence that stopped at the door, and, rattling along at a merry pace, very soon reached Paris and the Rue des Mauvais- Gar^ons. " Come up and see the Countess," said Mr. Jorrocks, as they arrived at the bottom of the dirty flight of stairs, and, with his hands behind his back and his sword dragging at his heels, he poked upstairs, and, opening the outer door, entered the apartment. He passed through the small ante-room, without observ- ing his portmanteau and carpet-bag on the table, and there being no symptoms of the Countess in the next one, he walked forward into the bedroom beyond. Before an English fireplace that Mr. Jorrocks him- self had been at the expense of providing, snugly ensconced in the luxurious depths of a well-cushioned 14 210 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES easy-chair sat a monstrous man with a green patch on his right eye, in slippers, loose hose, a dirty grey woollen dressing-gown and black silk nightcap, puff- ing away at a long meerschaum pipe, with a figure of Bacchus on the bowl. At a sight so unexpected, Mr. Jorrocks started back, but the smoker seemed quite unconcerned, and, casting an unmeaning grey eye at the intruder, puffed a long-drawn respiration from his mouth. " How now ! " roared Mr. Jorrocks, boiling into a rage, which caused the monster to start upon his legs as though he were galvanized, " Vot brings you here ? " "Sprechen sie Deutsch?" responded the smoker, opening his eye a little wider, and taking the pipe from his mouth. " Speak English, you fool ! " bawled Mr. Jorrocks. "Sie sind sehr unverschiimt" (you are very impudent), replied the Dutchman, with a thump on the table. "I'll run you through the gizzard ! " rejoined Mr. Jorrocks, half draw- ing his sword, — "skin you alive, in fact!" when in rushed the Countess and threw herself between them. Now, Mynheer Van Rosembom, a burgomaster of Flushing, was an old friend of the Countess's, and an exceedingly good paying one, and having cast up that morning quite unexpectedly by the early diligence from Dunkirk, and the Countess being enraged at Mr. Jorrocks for not sharing the honours of his pro- cession in the cab on the previous day, and believing, moreover, that his treasury was pretty well exhausted, thought she could not do better than instal Rosembom in his place, and retain the stakes she held for the Colonel's board and lodging. This arrangement she kept to herself, simply giving Rosembom, who was a not much better Frenchman than Col. Jorrocks, to understand that the room would be ready for him shortly, and Agamemnon SPORTING IN FRANCE 211 was ordered to bundle Mr. Jorrocks's clothes into his portmanteau and bag, and place them in readiness in the ante-room. Rosembom, fatigued with his journey, then retired to enjoy his pipe at his ease, while the Countess went to the Marche St. Honore to buy some sour crout, roast beef, and prunes for his dinner. "Turn this great slush bucket out of my room 1" cried Mr. Jorrocks, as the Countess rushed into his apartment. " Vot's he doing here ? " " Doucement, mon cher Colonel," said she, clap- ping him on the back, " he sail be my brodder." " Never such a thing!' 1 '' roared Mr. Jorrocks, eyeing him as he spoke. "Never such a thing! no more than myself — out with him, I say, or I'll cut my stick — toute suite — directly ! " " Avec tout mon cceur ! " replied the Countess, her choler rising as she spoke. "You're another," re- joined Mr. Jorrocks, judging by her manner that she called him something offensive — "Vous etes one mauvaise woman !" "Monsieur" said the Countess, her eyes flashing as she spoke, " vous etes un polisson ! — von rascal ! — von dem villain ! — un charlatan ! — von nasty — bastely — ross bif ! — dem dog," and there- upon she curled her fingers and set her teeth on edge as though she would tear his very eyes out. Rosem- bom, though he didn't exactly see the merits of the matter, exchanged his pipe for the poker, — so what with this, the sword, and the nails, things wore a very belligerent aspect. Mr. Stubbs, as usual, interposed, and the Countess, still keeping up the semblance of her rage, ordered them to quit her apartment directly, or she would have recourse to her old friends the police. Mr. Stubbs was quite agreeable to go, but hinted that she might as well hand over the stakes that had been entrusted to her keeping on the previous day ; upon which she again indulged in a torrent of abuse, swore 212 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES they were a couple of thieves, and that Mr. Jorrocks owed her far more than the amount for board and lodging. This made the Colonel stare, for on the supposition that he was a visitor, he had been firing away his money in all directions, playing at everything she proposed, buying her bonnets, perigord pies, hiring remises, and committing every species of extravagance, and now to be charged for what he thought was pure friendship, disgusted him beyond expression. The Countess speedily summoned the porter, the man of letters of the establishment, and with his aid drew Mr. Jorrocks out a bill, which he described as " reaching down each side of his body and round his waist," commencing with 2 francs for savon, and then proceeding in the daily routine of cafe, 1 franc ; dejeuner a la fourchette, 5 francs ; diner avec vin, 1 o francs ; tea, 1 franc ; souper, 3 francs ; bougies, 2 francs ; apartement, 3 francs ; running him up a bill of 700 francs ; and when Mr. Stubbs remonstrated on the exorbitance of the charges, she replied, " It sail be, sare, as small monnae as sail be consistent avec my dignified respectability, you to charge." There seemed no help for the matter, so Mr. Stubbs paid the balance, while Mr. Jorrocks, shocked at the duplicity of the Countess, the impudence of Rosembom, and the emptiness of his own pockets, bolted away without saying a word. That very night the Malle-Poste bore them from the capital, with two cold fowls, three quarters of a yard of bread, and a bottle of porter, for Mr. Jorrocks on the journey ; and ere another sun went down, the sandy suburbs of Calais saw them toiling towards her ramparts, and rumbling over the draw- bridges and under the portcullis that guard the entrance to her gloomy town. Calais ! cold, cheer- less, lifeless Calais ! Whose soul has ever warmed as it approached thy town ? but how many hearts have SPORTING IX FRANCE 21 -■> turned with sickening sorrow from the mirthless tinkling of thy bells ! 1 "We'll not stay here long, I guess," said Mr. Jorrocks, as the diligence pulled up at the post-office, and the conducteur requested the passengers to descend. "That's optional," said a bystander, who was waiting for his letters, looking at Mr. Jorrocks with an air as much as to say, " What a rum-looking fellow you are ! " and not without reason, for the Colonel was attired in a blue sailor's jacket, white leathers, and jack-boots, with the cocked hat and feather. The speaker was a middle-aged, middle- statured man, with a quick, intelligent eye, dressed in a single-breasted, green riding-coat, striped toilenette waistcoat, and drab trousers, with a whip in his hand. " Thank you for nothing ! " replied Mr. Jorrocks, eyeing him in return, upon which the speaker turned to the clerk, and asked him if there were any letters for Monsieur Apperley or Nimrod. " Nimrod ! " exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks, dropping on his knees as though he were shot, " Oh, my vig ! what have I done ? Oh dear ! oh dear 1 what a dumbfounderer — flummoxed, I declare." "Hold up! old un," said Nimrod in astonishment, "why, what's the matter now? you don't owe me anything, I daresay ! " " Owe you anything ! yes, I does," said Mr. Jorrocks, rising from the ground, " I owes you a debt of gratitude that I can never wipe off — you'll be in the day book and ledger of my memory for ever and a year." " Who are you?" inquired Nimrod, becoming more and more puzzled, as he contrasted his dialect with his dress. "Who am I?— Why, I'm Mr. Jorrocks."' "Jorrocks, by Jove ! Who'd have thought it? I 1 At the Hotel de Yille is a clock that chimes the quarters and keeps up a most monotonous tinkle by clay and by night. 214 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES declare I took you for a horse-marine. Give us your hand, old boy. I'm proud to make your acquaintance." " Ditto to you, sir, twice repeated. I considers you the werry first man of the age ! " — and thereupon they shook hands with uncommon warmth. " You've been at Paris, I suppose," resumed Nimrod, after their respective digits were released; "were you much gratified with what you saw ? What pleased you most — the Tuileries, Louvre, Garden of Plants, Pere la Chaise, Notre Dame, or what ? " " Why now, to tell you the truth, singular as it may seem, I saw nothing but the Tuileries and Naughty Dame, — I may say a werry naughty dame, for she fleeced me uncommonly, scarcely leaving me a dump to carry me home." "What, you've been among the ladies, have you? that's gay for a man at your time of life." " Yes, I certain//^ have been among the ladies, — Countesses I may say — but, dash my vig, they are a rum set, and made me pay for their acquaintance. The Countess Benwolio certain//.? is a bad 'un." " Oh, the deuce ! — did that old devil catch you ? " inquired Nimrod. " Vot, do you know her ? " " Know her ! ay — everybody here knows her with her black boy. She's always on the road, and lives now by the flats she catches between Paris and the coast. She was an agent for Morison's Pills, — but having a fractious Scotch lodger that she couldn't get out, she physicked him so dreadfully that he nearly died, and the police took her licence away. But you are hungry, Mr. Jorrocks, come to my house and spend the evening, and tell me all about your travels." Mr. Stubbs objected to this proposition, having just learned that the London packet sailed in an hour, so the trio adjourned to Mr. Roberts' Royal Hotel, where over some strong eau-de-vie they cemented their acquaintance, and Mr. Jorrocks, finding that Nimrod SPORTING IN FRANCE 215 was to be in England the following week, insisted upon his naming a day for dining in Great Coram Street. "Permits" to embark having been considerately granted "gratis" 1 by the government for a franc apiece, at the hour of ten our travellers stepped on board ; and Mr. Jorrocks, having wrapped himself up in his martial cloak, lay down in the cabin, and, like Ulysses in Ithaca, as Nimrod would say, " arrived in London asleep." 1 Though "gratis" is stamped conspicuously on the docu- ment, they always charge something for them. MR. JORROCKS'S DINNER PARTY ^PHE general postman had given the final flourish J- to his bell, and the muffin-girl had just begun to tinkle hers, when a capacious yellow hackney-coach, with a faded scarlet hammer-cloth, was seen jolting down Great Coram Street, and pulling up at Mr. Jorrocks's door. Before Jarvey had time to apply his hand to the area bell, after giving the usual three knocks and a half to the brass lion's head on the door, it was opened by the boy Benjamin in new drab coat, with a blue collar, and white sugar-loaf buttons, drab waistcoat, and black velveteen breeches, with well-darned white cotton stockings. The knock drew Mr. Jorrocks from his dining-room, where he had been acting the part of butler, for which purpose he had put off his coat and appeared in his shirt sleeves, dressed in nankeen shorts, white gauze silk stockings, white neckcloth, and white waistcoat, with a frill as large as a hand-saw. Handing the bottle and cork-screw to Betsy, he shuffled himself into a smart new blue saxony coat with velvet collar and metal buttons, and advanced into the passage to greet the arrivers. "O gentlemen, gentlemen," exclaimed he, "I'm so 'appy to see you — so werry 'appy you carn't think," holding out both hands to the foremost, who happened to be Nimrod ; " this is werry kind of you, for I declare it's six to a minute. 'Ow are you, Mr. Nimrod ? Most proud to see you at my humble crib. Well, Stubbs, my boy, 'ow do you do ? Never knew 216 MR. JORROCKS'S DINNER PARTY 217 you late in life," giving him a hearty slap on the back. " Mr. Spiers, I'm werry 'appy to see you. You are just what a sporting publisher ought to be — punctu- ality itself. Now, gentlemen, dispose of your tiles, and come upstairs to Mrs. J., and let's get you introduced." " I fear we are late, Mr. Jorrocks," observed Nimrod, advancing past the staircase end to hang up his hat on a line of pegs against the wall. "Not a bit of it," replied Mr. Jorrocks — "not a bit of it — quite the contrary — you are the first, in fact ! " " Indeed ! " replied Nimrod, eyeing a table full of hats by where he stood — " why, here are as many hats as would set up a shop. I really thought I'd got into Beaver (Belvoir) Castle by mistake ! " " Haw ! haw ! haw ! werry good, Mr. H'Apperley, werry good indeed. — I owes you one." "/thought it was a Castor-Q'A Mill," rejoined Mr. Spiers. " Haw ! haw ! haw ! werry good, Mr. Spiers, werry good indeed, — owes you one also, — but I see what you're driving at. You think these 'ats have a cocoanut apiece belonging to them upstairs. No such thing, I assure you ; no such thing. The fact is, they are what I've won at warious times of the members of our 'unt ; and as I've got you great sporting coves dining with me, I'm going to set them out on my side- board, just as racing gents exhibit their gold and silver cups, you know. Binjimin ! I say, Binjimin, you blackguard," holloaing down the kitchen stairs, " Why don't you set out the castors as I told you ? and see you brush them well ! " " Coming, sir, coming, sir," replied Benjamin, from below, who at that moment was busily engaged, taking advantage of Betsy's absence, in scooping marmalade out of a pot with his thumb. "There's a good lot of them," said Mr. Jorrocks, resuming the conversation, "four, six, eight, ten, twelve, thirteen, — all trophies of sporting 2i8 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES prowess. Real good hats. None o' your nasty gossamers, or dog-hair ones. There's a tile ! " said he, balancing a nice new white one with green rims on the top of his finger. " I won that in a most w/raculous manner. — A most wonderful way, in fact. I was driving to Croydon one morning in my four-wheeled one-'oss chay, and just as I got to Lilley-white, the blacksmith's, below Brixton Hill, they had thrown up a drain — a gulph I may call it — across the road for the purpose of repairing the gas-pipe. I was rayther late as it was, for our 'ounds are werry punctual, and there was nothing for me but either to go a mile and a half about, or drive slap over the gulph. Well, I looked at it, and the more I looked at it the less I liked it ; but just as I was thinking I had seen enough of it, and was going to turn away, up tools Timothy Trueman in his buggy, and he, too, began to crane and look into the abyss — and a terrible place it was, I assure you — quite frightful, and he liked it no better than myself. Seeing this, I takes courage, and said, ' Why, Tim, your 'oss will do it ! ' « Thank'e, Mr. J., ' said he, ' I'll follow you.' ' Then,' said I, ' if you'll change wehicles ' — for, mind ye, I had no notion of damaging my own — ' I'll bet you a hat I gets over.' ' Done,' said he, and out he got, so I takes his 'oss by the head, looses the bearing-rein, and, leading him quietly up to the place and letting him have a look at it, gave him a whack over the back, and over he went, gig and all, as clever as could be ! " Stubbs. Well done, Mr. J., you are really a most wonderful man ! You have the most extraordinary adventures of any man breathing — but what did you do with your own machine ? Jorrocks. Oh ! you see, I just turned round to Binjimin, who was with me, and said, ' You may go home,' and, getting into Timothy's buggy, I had my ride for nothing, and the hat into the bargain. A nice hat it is too — regular beaver — a guinea's worth MR. JORROCKS'S DINNER PARTY 219 at least. All true what I've told you, isn't it, Binjimin ? " Quite ! " replied Benjamin, putting his thumb to his nose, and spreading his fingers like a fan as he slunk behind his master. " But come, gentlemen," resumed Mr. Jorrocks, "let's be after getting upstairs. Binjimin, announce the gentlemen as your missis taught you. Open the door with your left hand, and stretch the right towards her, to let the company see the point to make up to." The party ascended the stairs one at a time, for the flight is narrow and rather abrupt, and Benjamin, obeying his worthy master's injunctions, threw open the front drawing-room door, and discovers Mrs. Jorrocks sitting in state at a round table, with annuals and albums spread at orthodox distances around. The possession of this room had long been a bone of contention between Mr. Jorrocks and his spouse, but at length they had accommodated matters, by Mr. Jorrocks gaining undivided possession of the back drawing-room (communicating by folding-doors), with the run of the front one equally with Mrs. Jorrocks on non-company days. A glance, however, showed which was the master's and which was the mistress's room. The front one was papered with weeping willows, bending under the weight of ripe cherries on a white ground, and the chair cushions were covered with pea-green cotton velvet with yellow worsted bindings. The round table was made of rosewood, and there was a "what-not" on the right of the fireplace of similar material, containing a handsomely-bound collection of Sir Walter Scott's works, in wood. The carpet-pattern consisted of most dashing bouquets of many-coloured flowers, in winding French horns on a very light drab ground, so light, indeed, that Mr. Jorrocks was never allowed to tread upon it except in pumps or slippers. The bell-pulls were made of 220 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES foxes' brushes, and in the frame of the looking-glass, above the white marble mantelpiece, were stuck visiting-cards, cards of invitation, thanks for " obliging inquiries," etc. etc. The hearth-rug exhibited a bright yellow tiger, with pink eyes, on a blue ground, with a flossy green border; and the fender and fire-irons were of shining brass. On the wall, immediately opposite the fireplace, was a portrait of Mrs. Jorrocks before she was married, so unlike her present self that no one would have taken it for her. The back drawing-room, which looked out upon the gravel walk and house-backs beyond, was papered with broad •scarlet and green stripes in honour of the Surrey-Hunt uniform, and was set out with a green-covered library table in the centre, with a red morocco hunting chair between it and the window, and several good strong hair-bottomed mahogany chairs around the walls. The table had a very literary air, being strewed with Sporting Magazines, odd numbers of Bell's Life, pamphlets, and papers of various descriptions, while on a sheet of foolscap on the portfolio were ten lines of an elegy on a giblet pie which had been broken in •coming from the baker's, at which Mr. Jorrocks had been hammering for some time. On the side opposite the fireplace, on a hanging range of mahogany shelves, were ten volumes of Bell's Life in London, the New Sporting Magazine, bound, gilt, and lettered, the Memoirs of Harriette Wilson, Boxiana, Taplin's Farriery, Nimrod's Life of Mytton, and a back- gammon board that Mr. Jorrocks had bought by mistake for a History of England. Mrs. Jorrocks, as we said before, was sitting in state at the far side of the round table, on a worsted- worked ottoman, exhibiting a cock pheasant on a •white ground, and was fanning herself with a red-and- white paper fan, and turning over the leaves of an annual. How Mr. Jorrocks happened to marry her, mo one could ever divine, for she never was pretty, MR. JORROCKS'S DINNER PARTY 221 had very little money, and not even a decent figure to recommend her. It was generally supposed at the time, that his brother Joe and he having had a deadly feud about a bottom piece of muffin, the lady's friends had talked him into the match, in the hopes of his having a family to leave his money to, instead of bequeathing it to Joe or his children. Certain it is they never were meant for each other; Mr. Jorrocks, as our readers have seen, being all nature and impulse, while Mrs. Jorrocks was all vanity and affectation. To describe her accurately is more than we can pretend to, for she looked so different in different dresses, that Mr. Jorrocks himself sometimes did not recognize her. Her face was round, with a good strong brick-dust sort of complexion, a turn-up nose, eyes that were grey in one light and green in another, and a middling- sized mouth with a double chin below. Mr. Jorrocks used to say that she was " warranted " to him as twelve years younger than himself, but many people supposed the difference of age between them was not so great. Her stature was of the middle height, and she was of one breadth from the shoulders to the heels. She was dressed in a flaming scarlet satin gown, with swan's- down round the top, as also at the arms, and two flounces of the same material round the bottom. Her turban was of green velvet, with a gold fringe, termina- ting in a bunch over the left side, while a bird of Paradise inclined towards the right. Across her forehead she wore a gold band, with a many-coloured glass butterfly (a present from James Green), and her neck, arms, waist (at least what ought to have been her waist), were hung round and studded with mosaic — gold chains, brooches, rings, buttons, bracelets, etc., looking for all the world like a portable pawnbroker's shop or the lump of beef that Sinbad the Sailor threw into the Valley of Diamonds. In the right of a gold band round her middle, was an immense ,u;old watch, with a bunch of mosaic seals appended to a massive 222 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES chain of the same material ; and a large miniature of Mr. Jorrocks when he was a young man, with his hair stiffly curled, occupied a place on her left side. On her right arm dangled a green velvet bag, with a gold cord, out of which one of Mr. Jorrocks's silk handker- chiefs protruded, while a crumpled, yellowish-white cambric one, with a lace fringe, lay at her side. On an hour-glass stool, a little behind Mrs. Jorrocks, sat her niece Belinda (Joe Jorrocks's eldest daughter), a nice laughing pretty girl of sixteen, with languishing blue eyes, brown hair, a nose of the " turn- up" order, beautiful mouth and teeth, a very fair complexion, and a gracefully-moulded figure. She had just left one of the finishing and polishing seminaries in the neighbourhood of Bromley, where, for two hundred a year and upwards, all the teasing accomplishments of life are taught, and Mrs. Jorrocks, in her own mind, had already appropriated her to James Green, while Mr. Jorrocks, on the other hand, had assigned her to Stubbs. Belinda's dress was simplicity itself; her silken hair hung in shining tresses down her smiling face, confined by a plain tortoise- shell comb behind, and a narrow pink velvet band before. Round her swan-like neck was a plain white cornelian necklace ; and her well-washed white muslin frock, confined by a pink sash, flowing behind in a bow, met in simple folds across her swelling bosom. Black sandal shoes confined her fairy feet, and with French cotton stockings completed her toilette. Belinda, though young, was a celebrated eastern beauty, and there was not a butcher's boy in Whitechapel, from Michael Scales downwards, but what eyed her with delight, as she passed along from Shoreditch on her daily walk. The presentations having been effected, and the heat of the day, the excellence of the house, the cleanliness of Great Coram Street — the usual topics, in short, when people know nothing of each other — MR. JORROCKS'S DINNER PARTY 223 having been discussed, our party scattered themselves about the room to await the pleasing announcement of dinner. Mr. Jorrocks, of course, was in attendance upon Nimrod, while Mr Stubbs made love to Belinda behind Mrs. Jorrocks. Presently a loud, long-protracted " rat-tat-tat-tat- fan, rat-tat-tat-tat-tan" at the street door sounded through the house, and Jorrocks, with a slap on his thigh, exclaimed, " By Jingo ! there's Green. No man knocks with such wiggorous wiolence as he does. All Great Coram Street and parts adjacent know when he comes. Julius Caesar himself couldn't kick up a greater row." "What Green is it, Green of Rolle- stone ? " inquired Nimrod, thinking of his Leicester- shire friend. "No," said Mr. Jorrocks, "Green of Tooley Street. You'll have heard of the Greens in the Borough, 'emp, 'op, and 'ide (hemp, hop, and hide) merchants — numerous family, numerous as the 'airs in my vig. This is James Green, jun., whose father, old James Green, jun., verd antique as I calls him, is the son of James Green, sen., who is in the 'emp line, and James is own cousin to young old James Green, sen., whose father is in the 'ide line." The remainder of the pedigree was lost by Benjamin throwing open the door and announcing Mr. Green ; and Jemmy, who had been exchanging his cloth boots for patent-leather pumps, came bounding upstairs like a racket-ball. " My dear Mrs. Jorrocks ! " cried he, swinging through the company to her, " I'm delighted to see you looking so well. I declare you are fifty per cent, younger than you were. Belinda, my love, 'ow are you ? Jorrocks my friend, how do ye do?" "Thank ye, James," said Jorrocks, shaking hands with him most cordially, " I'm werry well indeed, and delighted to see you. Now let me present you to Nimrod." "Aye, Nimrod!" said Green, in his usual flippant 224 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES style, with a nod of his head, "'ow are ye, Nimrod? I've heard of you, I think, — Nimrod, Brothers and Co., bottle merchants, Crutched Friars, ain't it ? " " No" said Jorrocks, in an undertone with a frown, " — Mr. H'Apperley Nimrod, the great sporting h'author." "True," replied Green, not at all disconcerted, "I've heard of him — Nimrod — the mighty 'unter before the Lord. Glad to see ye, Nimrod. Stubbs, 'ow are ye?" nodding to the Yorkshireman, as he jerked himself on to a chair on the other side of Belinda. •> As usual, Green was as gay as a peacock. His curly flaxen wig projected over his forehead like the roof of a Swiss cottage, and his pointed gills were supported by a stiff black mohair stock, with a broad front and black frill confined with jet studs down the centre. His coat was light green, with archery buttons, made very wide at the hips, with which he sported a white waistcoat, bright yellow ochre leather trousers, pink silk stockings and patent-leather pumps. In his hand he carried a white silk handkerchief, which smelt most powerfully of musk ; and a pair of dirty wristbands drew the eye to sundry dashing rings upon his fingers. Jonathan Crane, a little long-nosed old city wine merchant, a member of the Surrey Hunt, being announced and presented, Mrs. Jorrocks declared herself faint from the heat of the room, and begged to be excused for a few minutes. Nimrod, all polite- ness, was about to offer her his arm, but Mr. Jorrocks pulled him back, whispering, "Let her go, let her go." " The fact is," said he, in an undertone after she was out of hearing, "it's a way Mrs. J. has when she wants to see that dinner's all right. You see she's a terrible high-bred woman, being a cross between a gentleman- usher and a lady's maid, and doesn't like to be MR. JORROCKS'S DINNER PARTY 225 supposed to look after these things, so when she goes, she always pretends to faint. You'll see her back presently," and, just as he spoke, in she came with a half-pint smelling bottle at her nose. Benjamin followed immediately after, and, throwing open the door, proclaimed, in a half-fledged voice, that "dinner was sarved," upon which the party all started on their legs. "Now, Mr. H'Apperley Nimrod," cried. Jorrocks, "you'll trot Mrs. J. down — according to the book of etiquette, you know, giving her the wall side. 1 Sorry, gentlemen, I haven't ladies apiece for you, but my sally-manger, as we say in France, is rayther small, besides which I never like to dine more than eight. Stubbs, my boy, Green and you must toss up for Belinda— here's a halfpenny, and let it be 'New- market ' 2 if you please. Wot say you ? a voman ! Stubbs wins ! " cried Mr. Jorrocks, as the halfpenny fell head downwards. " Now, Spiers, couple up with Crane, and James and I will whip into you. But stop, gentlemen ! " cried Mr. Jorrocks, as he reached the top of the stairs, "let me make one request — that you von't eat the windmill you'll see on the centre of the table. Mrs. Jorrocks has hired it for the evening, of Mr. Farrell, the confectioner, in Lamb's Conduit Street, and it's engaged to two or three evening parties after it leaves this." " Lauk, John ! how wulgar you are. What matter can it make to your friends where the windmill comes from ! " exclaimed Mrs. Jorrocks, in an audible voice from below ; Nimrod, with admirable skill, having piloted her down the straits and turns of the staircase. Having squeezed herself between the backs of the chairs and the wall, Mrs. Jorrocks at length reached 1 " In your passage from one room to another, offer the lady the wall in going downstairs," etc. — Spirit of Etiquette. - " We have repeatedly decided that Newmarket is one toss." — Belfs Life. 15 226 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES the head of the table, and with a bump of her body and wave of her hand motioned Nimrod to take the seat on her right. Green then pushed past Belinda and Stubbs, and took the place on Mrs. Jorrocks's left, so Stubbs, with a dexterous manoeuvre, placed himself in the centre of the table, with Belinda be- tween himself and her uncle. Crane and Spiers then filled the vacant places on Nimrod's side, Mr. Spiers facing Mr. Stubbs. The dining-room was the breadth of the passage narrower than the front drawing-room, and, as Mr. Jorrocks truly said, was rayther small, but the table being excessively broad, made the room appear less than it was. It was lighted up with spermaceti candles, in silver holders, one at each corner of the table, and there was a lamp in the wall between the red-curtained windows, immediately below a brass nail, on which Mr. Jorrocks's great hunting-whip and a bunch of boot -garters were hung. Two more candles in the hands of bronzed Dianas on the marble mantelpiece lighted up a coloured copy of Barraud's picture of John Warde, on Blue Ruin ; while Mr. Ralph Lambton, on his horse Undertaker, with his hounds and men, occupied a frame on the opposite wall. The old-fashioned cellaret sideboard, against the wall at the end, supported a large bright burning brass lamp, with raised foxes round the rim, whose effulgent rays shed a brilliant halo over eight black hats and two white ones, whereof the four middle ones were decorated with evergreens and foxes' brushes. The dinner table was crowded, not covered. There was scarcely a square inch of cloth to be seen on any part. In the centre stood a magnificent finely-spun barley sugar windmill, two feet and a half high, with a spacious sugar foundation, with a cart and horses and two or three millers at the door, and a she-miller working a ball dress flounce at a lower window. MR. JORROCKS'S DINNER PARTY 227 The whole dinner, first, second, third, fourth course, — everything, in fact, except dessert — was on the table, as we sometimes see it at ordinaries and public dinners. Before both Mr. and Mrs. Jorrocks were two great tureens of mock turtle soup, each capable of holding a gallon, and both full up to the brim. Then there were two sorts of fish ; turbot and lobster sauce, and a great salmon. A round of boiled beef and an immense piece of roast occupied the rear of these, ready to march on the disappearance of the fish and soup — and behind the walls, formed by the beef of old England, came two dishes of grouse, each dish holding three brace. The side dishes consisted of a calfs head hashed, a leg of mutton, chickens, ducks, and mountains of vegetables ; and round the windmill were plum puddings, tarts, jellies, pies, and puffs. Behind Mrs. Jorrocks's chair stood Batsay with a fine brass-headed comb in her hair, and stiff ringlets down her ruddy cheeks. She was dressed in a green silk gown, with a coral necklace, and one of Mr. Jorrocks's lavender and white coloured silk pocket- handkerchiefs made into an apron. B/nj/'min stood with the door in his hand, as the saying is, with a towel twisted round his thumb, as though he had cut it. " Now, gentlemen," said Mr. Jorrocks, casting his eye up the table, as soon as they had all got squeezed and wedged round it, and the dishes were uncovered, "you see your dinner, eat whatever you like except the windmill — hope you'll be able to satisfy nature with what's on — would have had more, but Mrs. J. is so werry fine, she won't stand two joints of the same sort on the table." Mrs. J. Lauk, John, how can you 1m- so wtllgar] Who ever saw two rounds of beef, as you wanted to have? Besides, I'm sure the gentlemen will excuse any little defishency, considering the short not 228 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES we have had, and that this is not an elaborate dinner. Mr. Spiers. I'm sure, ma'am, there's no deyfi^ency at all. Indeed I think there's as much fish as would serve double the number — and I'm sure you look as if you had your soup "on sale or return," as we say in the magazine line. Mr. J. Haw ! haw ! haw ! werry good Mr. Spiers. I owe you one. Not bad soup though — had it from Birch's. Let me send you some ; and pray lay into it, or I shall think you don't like it. Mr. H'Apperley, let me send you some — and, gentlemen, let me observe, once for all, that there's every species of malt liquor under the side-table. Prime stout, from the Marquess Cornwallis, hard by. Also ale, table, and what my friend calls lamentable, — he says because it's so werry small — but, in truth, because I don't buy it of him. There's all sorts of drench, in fact, except water — a thing I never touch — rots one's shoes, don't know what it would do with one's stomach if it was to get there. Mr. Crane, you're eating nothing. I am quite shocked to see you ; you don't surely live upon h'air? Do help yourself, or you'll faint from werry famine. Belinda, my love, does the Yorkshire- man take care of you ? Who's for some salmon ? — bought at Luckey's, and there's both Tally-ho and Tantivy sarce to eat with it. Somehow or other I always fancies I rides harder after eating their sarces with fish. Mr. H'Apperley Nimrod, you are the greatest man at table, consequently I axes you to drink wine first, according to the book of etiquette — help yourself, sir. Some of Crane's particklar hot and strong, real stuff, none of your wan de bones (vin de beaume) or rot-gut French stuff — hope you like it — if you don't, pray speak your mind freely, now that we have Crane among us. Binjimin, get me some of that duck before Mr. Spiers ; a leg and a wing, if you please, sir, and a bit of the breast. MR. JORROCKS'S DINNER PARTY 229 Mr. Spiers. Certainly, sir, certainly. Do you prefer a right or a left wing, sir? Mr. Jorrocks. Oh, either. I suppose it's all the same. Mr. Spiers. Why, no, sir, it's not exactly all the same ; for it happens there is only one remaining, therefore it must be the left one. Mr. J. (chuckling). Haw ! haw ! haw ! Mr. S., werry good that — werry good, indeed. I owes you two. "I'll trouble you for a little, Mr. Spiers, if you please," says Crane, handing his plate round the windmill. " I'm sorry, sir, it is all gone," replies Mr. Spiers, who had just filled Mr. Jorrocks's plate; "there's nothing left but the neck," holding it up on the fork. "Well, send it," rejoins Mr. Crane, "neck or nothing, you know, Mr. Jorrocks, as we say with the Surrey." "Haw! haw! haw!" grunts Mr. Jorrocks, who is busy sucking a bone ; " haw ! haw ! haw ! werry good, Crane, werry good — owes you one. Now, gentlemen," added he, casting his eye up the table as he spoke, "let me adwise ye, before you attack the grouse, to take the hedge (edge) off your appetites, or else there won't be enough ; and, you know, it does not do to eat the farmer after the gentleman. Let's see, now — three and three are six, six brace among eight — oh dear, that's nothing like enough. I wish, Mrs. J., you had followed my adwice, and roasted them all. And, now, Binjimin, you're going to break the windmill with your clumsiness, you little dirty rascal ! Why von't you let /jWsay arrange the table? Thank you, Mr. Crane, for your assistance, — your politeness, sir, exceeds your beauty." [A barrel organ strikes up before the window, and Jorrocks throws down his knife and fork in an agony.] "Oh dear, oli dear, 230 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES there's that cursed h'organ again. It's a regular annihilator. Binjimin, run and kick the fellow's werry soul out of him. There's no man suffers so much from music as I do. I wish I had a pocketful of sudden deaths, that I might throw one at every thief of a musicianer that comes up the street. I declare the scoundrel has set all my teeth on edge. Mr. Nimrod, pray take another glass of wine after your roast beef. — Well, with Mrs. J. if you choose, but I'll join you — always says that you are the werry cleverest man of the day — read all your writings — anny-tommy (anatomy) of gaming, and all. Am a h'author myself, you know — once set to, to write a werry long and elaborate h'article on scent, but after cudgelling my brains, and turning the thing over and over again in my mind, all that I could brew on the subject was that scent was a werry rum thing ; nothing rummer than scent, except a woman." "Pray," cried Mrs. Jorrocks, her eyes starting as she spoke, " don't let us have any of your low-lifed stable conversation here — you think to show off before the ladies," added she, "and flatter yourself you talk about what we don't understand. Now, I'll be bound to say, with all your fine sporting h'inform- ation, you carn't tell me whether a mule brays or neighs ! " "Vether a mule brays or neighs?" repeated Mr. Jorrocks, considering, " I'll lay I can ! " " Which, then ? " inquired Mrs. Jorrocks. " Vy, I should say it brayed." "Mule bray!" cried Mrs. Jorrocks, clapping her hands with delight, " there's a cockney blockhead for you ! It brays, does it ? " Mr. Jorrocks. I meant to say neighed. " Ho ! ho ! ho ! " grinned Mrs. J., " neighs, does it ? you are a nice man for a fox-'unter — a mule neighs — thought I'd catch you some of these odd days with your wain conceit." MR. JORROCKS'S DINNER PARTY 231 " Vy, what does it do, then ! " inquired Mr. Jorrocks, his choler rising as he spoke. " I hopes at all ewents he don't make the 'orrible noise you do." " Why, it screams, you great h'ass ! " rejoined his loving spouse. A single, but very resolute knock at the street door, sounding quite through the house, stopped all further ebullition, and Benjamin, slipping out, held a short conversation with someone in the street, and re- turned. "What's happened now, Binjimin?" inquired Mr. Jorrocks, with anxiety on his countenance, as the boy re-entered the room; "the 'osses arn't amiss, I 'ope?" "Please, sir, Mr. Farrell's young man has come for the windmill — he says you've had it two hours," replied Benjamin. "The deuce be with Mr. Farrell's young man! he does not suppose we can part with the mill before the cloth's drawn — tell him to mizzle, or I'll mill him. ' Now's the day and now's the hour ; ' who's for some grouse ? Gentlemen, make your game, in fact. But first of all, let's have a round robin. Pass the wine, gentlemen. What wine do you take, Stubbs ? " " Why, champagne is good enough for me." Mr. Jorrocks. I daresay; but if you wait till you get any here, you will have a long time to stop. Shampain, indeed! had enough of that nonsense abroad — declare you young chaps drink shampain like h'ale. There's red and wite, port and sherry, in fact ; and them as carn't drink, they must go without. X. was expensive, and soon became poor ; Y. was the wise man, and kept want from tin- door. " Now for the grouse ! " added he, as the two beefs disappeared, and they took their stations at the top and bottom of the table. "Fine hirds, to !»-• sure! hope you haven't burked your appetites, gentlemen, so as not to be able to do justice to them— snu !1 232 JORROCKS'S JAUNTS AND JOLLITIES high — werry good — gamey, in fact — Binjimin, take an 'ot plate to Mr. Nimrod — sarve us all round with them." The grouse being excellent, and cooked to a turn, little execution was done upon the pastry, and the jellies had all melted long before it came to their turn to be eaten. At length, everyone, Mr. Jorrocks and all, appeared satisfied, and the noise of knives and forks was succeeded by the din of tongues and the ringing of glasses, as the eaters refreshed themselves with wine or malt liquors. Cheese and biscuit being handed about on plates, according to the Spirit of Etiquette, B/njmiin and Batsay at length cleared the table, lifted off the windmill, and removed the cloth. Mr. Jorrocks then delivered himself of a most emphatic grace. ■ The wine and dessert being placed on the table, the ceremony of drinking healths all round was performed. "Your good health, Mrs. J., Belinda, my l