I XNJ ^
 
 BEATRICE AND JESSIE.
 
 Q 
 
 w$2r3/cx 
 
 Uffitm^WTHOX 
 
 ,*ar%frkAfQ 
 
 rLA7D-JW"*** \D 
 
 ^C/4MM/ff&
 
 Copyright, 
 BY L. C. PAGE & COMPANY 
 
 (INCORPORATED) 
 
 Entered at Stationers 1 Hall, London 
 
 (Eolmtt al 
 
 Electrotyped and Printed by C. H. Simonds & Co. 
 Boston, Mass., U. S. A.
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 SHOULD any person labor under the 
 impression that any beast or thing de 
 scribed in this volume is intended for a 
 caricature of him, he is in error. This 
 book contains no sarcasm, satire, or cyni 
 cism. It was written as a purely childish 
 and innocent pastime. It hides no sting. 
 It was never intended for publication. 
 There exists no adequate reason why it 
 should have been published. It relates 
 no story. It has no point, policy, or pur 
 pose. If the author harbored any design, 
 it was to entertain some young people 
 during a lengthy journey. It was then 
 tossed aside and forgotten. It should not 
 have been disturbed. Alas ! it cropped 
 up one day by the seashore, a rainy 
 
 2229165
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 day. The author read these pages to a 
 number of small boys who could not es 
 cape. The smallest and least intelligent 
 boy was amused. He bore out the prom 
 ise of his childhood by becoming a pub 
 lisher. He trailed the man who had 
 corralled him that rainy day. His object 
 was to wreak a long-delayed vengeance 
 by publishing this book. He accom 
 plished his fell purpose by bribing the 
 author. Nothing remains but to pity the 
 author, and to execrate the publishers. 
 
 The author s affection for his wife is 
 his reason for not dedicating these pages 
 TO HER. 
 
 THE AUTHOR. 
 
 Sept. 77,
 
 BY MARGARET JONES AND THE AUTHOR. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie Frontispiece 
 
 " The door was suddenly opened by a cyclone " 16-17 
 
 " The nearest rat came to see them " 19 
 
 " Who, having taken a chair on a bough "... 20 
 
 " Please ignore him " 20 
 
 " In the house of the fairy, quite under her 
 
 thumb " 24 
 
 " If you are going now, would you mind turning 
 
 me over? " 31 
 
 " I don t like surprise parties " 39 
 
 The Poet Laureate 41 
 
 The Minister of War 45 
 
 " A roach, taking off his hat and bowing quite 
 
 politely " 50 
 
 Hats off ! < Hats off ! " 56 
 
 " Instantly a door opened, and a little old man 
 
 appeared " 62 
 
 Father Noah 64
 
 ILL US TRA TIONS. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 " Beatrice and Jessie sat down and talked rapidly 
 
 for three hours " 69 
 
 " I have to manufacture beasts to satisfy the 
 
 people " 77 
 
 " He always says that, said the bear " . . . . 82 
 
 Mrs. Piggy Wiggy 89 
 
 Mile. Pussy 92 
 
 " Toby or not a Toby ! " 95 
 
 The Sad, Lone Voice 99 
 
 " Expression s what you want ! " 109 
 
 The Author in the Upper Box 1 1 1 
 
 The Thin Girl and the Fat Boy 1 20 
 
 " Sail, ho! sail, ho ! " 122 
 
 The Admiral 131 
 
 " I m different, said the policeman " 137 
 
 " Embrace me. I m your ant! " 148 
 
 Robinson Crusoe, Esq., and his Man Friday . . 153 
 
 " A dozen six-button gloves " 157 
 
 " Giafar . . . struck a match" 168 
 
 The Boarding-house Fairy 169 
 
 " On the mantel-shelf, a shepherd and shepherdess 
 
 under glass covers smiled eternally " . . 1 70 
 
 " Zwei lager ! " 176 
 
 " A pitcher of beer " 1 79 
 
 The end . 180
 
 BLOWN AWAY.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 THE rain fell in torrents ; the trees in 
 the garden were bowing beneath it, the 
 lawn and the flower beds, our special pride, 
 were all sodden. Most of the bright blos 
 soms lay beaten down, draggled and flat, 
 upon the dark soil. The gravel paths 
 were formidable rivers. We stood dis 
 mally by the window and conversed in 
 whispers. There was born an apprehen 
 sion in our minds as to the likelihood of a 
 repetition of the Great Flood ; we were 
 carefully casting up the sum of our virtues 
 with a view to the possibility of a miracu 
 lous deliverance. The cat in the kitchen, 
 our dearest bull-terrier, " Rags," and the 
 much-shared pony (black, with an innocent 
 white face), were by acclamation voted hon 
 orary members of the prospective ark.
 
 12 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 The Picnic party so long looked for 
 ward to was postponed. 
 
 We had stolen to the window in our 
 white gowns many times the past night 
 to investigate the sky. 
 
 We were as miserable as disappointed 
 children may be. Our particular friends 
 and neighbors, Beatrice and Jessie, not 
 bad sort of girls as girls go, though wo- 
 fully addicted to chocolate caramels, were 
 the participants of our sorrow. They had 
 been hurried in from next door under a 
 large umbrella. Their white dresses and 
 blue silk ribbons had painfully reminded 
 us of our loss, and we had mingled our 
 tears. We had been specially indulged at 
 tea: Nurse Anne had vainly spread brown 
 sugar on our bread and butter. Even rasp 
 berry jam, hitherto an unfailing panacea, 
 had proved stale, flat, and unprofitable. 
 
 Trickle, trickle, trickle, drip, drip, drip, 
 said the rain. Every now and then the 
 wind wailed in the chimney. Beatrice 
 was perceptibly alarmed ; there was no 
 mistaking the corners of her mouth. I
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 13 
 
 had caught a fly and was torturing it. At 
 last our old nurse removed her spectacles, 
 wiped them carefully, placed them in her 
 work-basket, and looked at us meaningly. 
 We fled to her. 
 
 The fly crawled up the window-pane 
 slowly, minus a leg, the girls squatted 
 on the floor. There were three of them : 
 Beatrice, Jessie, and my small black-haired 
 sister. My dignity could fall to no such 
 condescension, I perched in the window- 
 seat and sat on my legs to keep them still. 
 Nurse Anne then commenced her story: 
 
 In the valley of Palisada, not far from 
 the broad and rapid Omagama River, there 
 lived, not many years ago, a widow who 
 was the mother of forty daughters. Of 
 these forty beautiful children, none of 
 whom were as yet out of their teens, only 
 two concern us, and these not so much on 
 account of the deeds they accomplished as 
 because of the startling adventures which 
 befell them, and which I shall proceed to 
 relate without further hors d ceuvres or 
 preamble.
 
 14 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 These two children were named Bea 
 trice and Jessie. They were not both 
 called Beatrice and Jessie ; but one was 
 Beatrice, and the other was Jessie, and I 
 shall refrain at the present moment from 
 telling you which was which. 
 
 Nobody ever knew why the modest 
 widow called Beatrice and Jessie such 
 names, and I fear it will remain forever 
 a secret buried in the lady s bosom. But 
 what does it matter ? A rose by any other 
 name would smell as sweet, and so no 
 doubt would, but let that pass. 
 
 It was at no particular time, or if it 
 was, I am unable to recollect it, and at 
 no particular period of the year, that our 
 story opens. (It is best to be careful and 
 never commit yourself to any direct state 
 ment which, later on, may be used by 
 your enemy as a handle to something or 
 other to hit you with. The world being 
 very wicked, you cannot do better than to 
 keep out of it.) 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie, Jessie would be 
 very much annoyed if she knew that I
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 1 5 
 
 had placed Beatrice first, because she 
 thinks it very foolish to place the horse 
 before the cart, when the cart is so much 
 the larger of the two, that is if you count 
 the horse one and the cart too, and you 
 must be sure to spell too, T-O-O, or you 
 will get mixed up and make the cart and 
 horse three, when it is really only two, un 
 less you take off the wheels, in which case 
 it would be useless, and the horse wouldn t 
 fool with it. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie were eating their 
 breakfast, after a big ball which they had 
 attended without their mother s permis 
 sion, and were trying to tell her every 
 thing about it without betraying the fact 
 that they had been there, and Beatrice was 
 doing her best to go to sleep in her coffee- 
 cup, when the door was suddenly opened 
 by a cyclone which tore away the poor 
 children who had been hanging on to Jes 
 sie s words, and left them without any 
 support whatever. And herein was em 
 phasized the sinfulness of fibbing, for if 
 Jessie s statements had been substantial,
 
 i6 
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 the thirty-eight sisters who were hanging 
 on her words would all have been saved. 
 But tis too late to change matters now. 
 The entire family, including the mother, 
 was scattered to the four winds, and per 
 
 haps even more. The thirty-eight and the 
 bereaved mother were never discovered, 
 although a number of expeditions were 
 sent out to search for them, and other 
 expeditions had to be forwarded to find 
 the first expedition, and so on. But let
 
 BLOWN AWAY. I/ 
 
 that pass. Let us follow the fortunes, 
 which is absurd, for neither of them had 
 a penny, of Beatrice and Jessie, or vice 
 versa. 
 
 The cyclone lifted both of them and car- 
 
 ried them an enormous distance through 
 the air. Fortunate were they that it did 
 not carry them through the mud, or 
 through the ink, or through fat, or many 
 things I could name but will not. No, it 
 carried them through the air, and finally
 
 1 8 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 dropped them on a dry bank and left them 
 there on deposit. 
 
 The time had now come for Jessie to 
 polish her fingers and for Beatrice to 
 wash her hair, and as the sun was out, 
 shining beautifully, they concluded to 
 have their boots blacked ; and after this 
 they were ready for visitors. 
 
 It was very disagreeable, of course, to 
 have to sit upon a bank with all the win 
 dows open, and as there was no door, it 
 wouldn t shut, and no door-mat, or anti 
 macassar, or even anybody to answer the 
 door-bell or bring up the cards on a silver 
 salver, or call out the names of the visitors, 
 when they could see as plain, or even 
 plainer, than a pikestaff, or a broomstick, 
 who everybody was the moment they 
 came in or went out. 
 
 Jessie was pinning herself together 
 nicely, and Beatrice was reading a num 
 ber of books every minute, when the near 
 est rat came to see them. 
 
 This rat had a very long tale, which they 
 listened to with great attention. The rat s
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 1 9 
 
 tale, in partibus or in omnibus, for a rat 
 cannot afford a brougham, follows, for 
 it would have been the height or depth 
 of ill manners for the tale to have pre 
 ceded the rat; and, indeed, nothing is 
 more annoying, when you make a call. 
 
 (!> (EF 
 
 than to find that your favorite tale has 
 arrived there before you. 
 
 The rat explained that he had not 
 called from curiosity, but as a politeness ; 
 and seeing them so unprotected on a 
 bank, without even a watchman or a 
 safe, he felt it his duty as an old rat 
 to give them a little useful information 
 and advice. 
 
 Right here the rat was interrupted by a
 
 20 
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 raven who had entered unobserved, and 
 who, having taken a chair on a bough, re 
 marked : " Pardon me, young ladies, but I 
 should not place too much credence in 
 anything that old rat says ; 
 he is an exceedingly wily 
 fellow, and known to be not 
 overscrupulous." 
 
 At this, the rat 
 -^ seemed to be some 
 what annoyed, and, 
 putting up his eye- 
 a very supercilious manner, 
 " I have al 
 ways regretted that that 
 thing has wings ; were it 
 not for them I should be 
 able to oriaw him. Please 
 
 O 
 
 ignore him." 
 
 " Those who do," retorted 
 the raven, " are always 
 sorry, as I can prove to you 
 by referring to several historical works I 
 have in my library at home. I am a first- 
 class clairvoyant. I live up four flights, 
 
 glass with 
 observed :
 
 BLOWN A IV AY. 21 
 
 but my charges are not high ; call if you 
 please, here s my card, Caw, Caw." 
 And several members of the Raven 
 family who had assembled joined in the 
 chorus. 
 
 " Listen to me," said the rat, " and pay 
 no attention to these niggers, 
 
 " There is a boarding-house, 
 Far, far away." 
 
 " Oh, I ve heard that," said Jessie, and 
 " So have I ! " echoed Beatrice, " I know it 
 by heart." 
 
 " I m sorry," said the rat, " I didn t in 
 tend to quote ; but I can t help it, I m so 
 learned. I ve been through so many books. 
 However, it s a fact, there is, and you 
 must try to find it, for I have discovered 
 that your happiness, and the happiness of 
 others, lies entirely in that direction. You 
 will excuse me, I am sure, but I feel the 
 poetical vein in me is bursting, so if you 
 don t mind : 
 
 "There, in a boarding-house 
 Not over airy,
 
 22 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 For the last hundred years 
 
 Has resided a fairy. 
 This powerful woman, 
 
 With tyrannical rule, 
 Feeds a score of her boarders 
 
 On sulphur and gruel. 
 If anything enters 
 
 This ill-omened house, 
 It can t get away, 
 
 Not even a mouse. 
 To look at the fairy 
 
 Will give you a chill, 
 Just look at her talons, 
 
 And look at her bill ! 
 She needs not to scratch 
 
 Or to hurt you a jot, - 
 You look at her bill, 
 
 And fall dead on the spot. 
 To enter her kingdom 
 
 The trials are most awful ! 
 There are cats by the legion, 
 
 And smells by the j awful." 
 
 " I don t like that poem," said Jessie. 
 " No," said Beatrice, " and I don t think 
 the metre is ri^ht." 
 
 O 
 
 " There is no metre in the boarding-
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 23 
 
 house," placidly replied the rat ; " and it 
 isn t fair to expect it in the poem. You ll 
 have to hear it all, and it isn t polite to 
 interrupt a recitation at a party." 
 
 " Oh, Lor ! " said the raven, " I wish I 
 were dead." 
 
 " So do I," said the rat. 
 
 " Let s have it over," said Jessie, trying 
 to look polite. 
 
 " Very well," remarked the rat, " but 
 don t disturb me again, or I am likely to 
 cry. 
 
 " In the home of this fairy, 
 
 Quite under her thumb, 
 Lives a beautiful prince 
 
 "There, I ve forgotten it, that comes 
 of interrupting me. What rhymes with 
 thumb? -quick, silly." 
 
 " Gum," said Jessie. 
 
 "No, it isn t gum, stick to it; try 
 again," said the rat. 
 
 " Mum ? " said the raven. 
 
 " Idiot," said the rat. 
 
 " Dumb ? " said Beatrice.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " Go up top," said the rat. 
 
 " In the house of the fairy, 
 
 Quite under her thumb, 
 Lives a beautiful prince, 
 
 Who s deaf, blind and dumb." 
 
 " How very sad," said Beatrice. " Can t 
 anything be done about it ? " 
 
 " You shall hear," answered the rat. 
 
 " This beautiful prince 
 
 Is slave to the fairy, 
 
 Who makes him churn butter 
 
 All day in the dairy ;
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 2$ 
 
 And as she is Irish, 
 
 She has all the Pats 
 Wrapped up in fine linen, 
 
 And packed up in vats." 
 
 " It s rot," said the raven. 
 
 " Who wrote it ? " said Beatrice. 
 
 " It isn t my fault," said the rat. " It s 
 by the bard." 
 
 " It s by the yard," said the raven. 
 
 " Shakespeare ? " asked Jessie. 
 
 " I think so," said the rat. 
 
 u It must be very fine," said Beatrice, 
 " only I didn t, perhaps, quite understand 
 it at first. I d like to read it carefully." 
 
 " Listen," said the rat, " I haven t done 
 yet." 
 
 The raven fell off his chair, and the rat 
 nearly killed it before it could get up 
 again. 
 
 " This is awful ! " said Beatrice. 
 
 " It was a contretemps," said the rat. 
 
 " I m Q-lad it has such a nice French 
 
 O 
 
 name," said the raven. " It makes me 
 feel better, and as long as I know that I
 
 26 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 am in polite society, I don t mind what 
 happens." 
 
 " Be quiet," said the raven s aunt, " and 
 listen to the recitation." 
 
 " Yes, aunt," said the raven. 
 
 " To rescue the prince 
 
 From the wicked one s clutches, 
 Has been tried by all nations 
 From Chinese to Dutches." 
 
 " What s Dutches ? " inquired Jessie. 
 
 " I m sorry you re so ignorant," ex 
 claimed the rat. " They live in Holland." 
 
 " Then I hope they ll stay there," said 
 the raven s aunt, who was taking a cup of 
 tea. " I m sure we don t want them here, 
 we re overpopulated." 
 
 " Who s interrupting now ? " asked the 
 raven. 
 
 "Don t be rude," said his aunt, "or I ll 
 cut you off with a penny, and I know I m 
 going to die soon." 
 
 " In that case," said the raven, " I ll 
 show you every attention."
 
 BLOWN A IV AY. 27 
 
 " This is the worst party I ve ever been 
 to," said the rat. 
 
 " Who wins the fair prince 
 
 His fortune and name, 
 Must be fair without beauty, 
 And great without fame." 
 
 " That s like me," said Jessie. 
 " I don t fancy it a bit," said Beatrice. 
 " I can t help that," said the rat ; " I 
 didn t do it. 
 
 " She must enter the house, 
 
 Eluding the fairy, 
 And discover the prince 
 Alone in the dairy. 
 
 " She must kiss both his eyes, 
 
 His lips and his ears, 
 And sit down by his side, 
 And call for two beers. 
 
 " Then, when the witch enters 
 To serve the zwei lager, 
 Then then 
 
 " It s no use," said the rat, taking his 
 hat and cane. " I shall have to wish you
 
 28 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 a very good morning ; you can t expect 
 me to find a rhyme for lager, it s asking 
 altogether too much, and I ve overexerted 
 myself and feel faint. I m very nervous 
 ind tired, so you ll have to excuse me." 
 
 " Oh, do finish the poem," said Beatrice. 
 
 " Impossible," answered the rat. " You ll 
 have to find out the remainder for your 
 selves. However, as you ve been as polite 
 as your limited education will permit, I 
 will assist you a little, if you wish to rescue 
 the prince. You must keep along Pic 
 cadilly until you come to Mount Arrow 
 root. Ask at the Ark for further directions, 
 and then turn to the left and keep straight, 
 if you can. If Miss Jessie will give me 
 the scissors, I should feel obliged, I want 
 to trim my whiskers, and in exchange 
 you may call upon us whenever you need 
 assistance. Just shout as loud as you 
 can, and I m sure to hear you." 
 
 " Whom shall we call for ? " asked Bea 
 trice. 
 
 " Rats ! if you please," said the rat, and 
 bowing politely to the ladies, and with a
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 29 
 
 haughty stare at the raven, he walked 
 swiftly in the direction of the Holborn 
 Viaduct 
 
 " I don t think," observed Beatrice, " that 
 our first party was a great success." 
 
 " Well," Jessie replied, " we didn t really 
 invite anybody, you know, but the rat was 
 very polite to recite." 
 
 " I don t know," said Beatrice. " I don t 
 like people who put themselves forward, 
 and he never asked me to sing. Let s go 
 out and look for the Ark and do some 
 shopping. Who ll dress first ? " 
 
 " I will," said Jessie, " because I can 
 jump into my clothes." 
 
 " Very well," said Beatrice, " you jump, 
 and I ll clean up the tea things." 
 
 Jessie entered the hollow tree which 
 they used as a dressing-room, and broke 
 the jumping record, and then Beatrice 
 hurried in to dress. It was quite dark 
 inside, and if it had not been for the owl, 
 whose eyes served as lamps, Beatrice would 
 not have been able to see at all. 
 
 " I don t suppose," said the owl, " while
 
 3O BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 Beatrice was brushing her stockings, " that 
 
 O C) 
 
 it has occurred to you that you are in 
 truding ? " 
 
 " No," said Beatrice, " am I ? " 
 
 " Well, it isn t customary, you know, for 
 people to \valk into other people s rooms 
 in this way, especially when they re 
 asleep. Are you going to sit up all day, 
 may I ask ? Would you mind turning 
 me over ? I m tired of lying on this 
 side." 
 
 " Are you going to sleep all day ? " asked 
 Beatrice, after she had complied with the 
 owl s request. 
 
 " Of course, ninny," said the owl. " You 
 don t expect me to sit up, do you ? People 
 who stay up all day are silly; it hurts the 
 eyes." 
 
 " I didn t think of that," said Beatrice. 
 
 " Of course not," said the owl, " you 
 should think a great deal more, and talk 
 less." 
 
 " Could you lend me a looking-glass ? " 
 said Beatrice. 
 
 " What for ? " said the owl.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 3 1 
 
 " To see myself," said Beatrice. 
 
 " What for ? " said the owl. 
 
 " To see myself," said Beatrice. 
 
 " Don t get angry," said the owl. " What 
 for?" 
 
 " To see myself," said Beatrice. 
 
 " You ve said that before," said the owl, 
 " and it s stupid, if you know what you 
 look like you needn t see yourself. I know 
 what I look like, and I don t want to see 
 myself. If you don t know what you look 
 like, it s time you did. Would you mind 
 turning me over? I m tired of lying on 
 this side." 
 
 " It s silly to talk," continued the owl, 
 when Beatrice had turned her over and 
 smoothed the pillows and tucked the bed 
 clothes in around her toes. " It s silly to 
 talk when you can think. By the way, if 
 I wanted to be disagreeable, I should let 
 you know that your dress is open at the 
 back." 
 
 " Oh ! " said Beatrice. 
 
 " Don t say Oh ! " said the owl, " it s 
 silly ; why say Oh ? You might as
 
 32 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 well say A, or B, or C, or any other letter 
 of the alphabet. But perhaps you only 
 know one ? " 
 
 " I know them all," said Beatrice. 
 
 " I don t believe you do," said the owl. 
 " What comes after X Y Z ? " 
 
 " What does ? " said Beatrice. 
 
 " Nothing," said the owl, " would you 
 mind turning me over? I m tired of lying 
 on this side. After all, I m not at all sure 
 that I shall let you know that your dress 
 is open at the back. One always makes 
 enemies that way. I ll let somebody else 
 tell you, and you won t dislike me. Are 
 you coming home to breakfast, may I ask ? 
 and do you expect me to wait for you ? I 
 hate waiting for breakfast, it always makes 
 me feel so faint. If you are going now, 
 would you mind turning me over? I m 
 tired of lying on this side." 
 
 Beatrice had on her muff and her fur- 
 lined cloak and new goloshes and a fur 
 cap, and lots of other things that cost a 
 great deal of money. 
 
 The coachman touched his hat, he
 
 " IF YOU ARE GOING NOW, WOULD YOU MIND 
 TURNING ME OVER ? "
 
 BLOWN AlVAY. 35 
 
 didn t dare to grab it, because his hat was 
 so very fine, with a cockade stuck in it, 
 and polished so highly that you could see 
 your face in it, if you put it on. 
 
 The footman opened the door most po 
 litely for Beatrice to enter the carriage ; 
 for he was a considerate man, and didn t 
 want her to climb in through the window, 
 or even open the door for herself, which 
 would have been much worse. 
 
 The carriage was lined inside, through 
 out, with pale pink satin, and the horses 
 had their tails tied up with pink ribbons. 
 The coachman and footman wore big 
 bouquets of pink flowers glued on to the 
 front of their coats, and the rosettes 
 in the horses ears were pink, and Bea 
 trice had a pink satin dress with a long 
 train to it. 
 
 " I m sorry," said Beatrice, after she had 
 sat down and piled her dress up all about 
 her, and put some of it out of the window 
 and asked the footman to take great care 
 of it until she needed it; " I m sorry," said 
 Beatrice, " that I put on my goloshes. I
 
 36 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 sha n t know where to leave them when I 
 reach the palace." 
 
 All this time the carriage was standing 
 
 O O 
 
 still, but the horses were pawing the 
 ground so hard that it seemed as if they 
 were really going quite fast. 
 
 " Why don t you move on ? " said Bea 
 trice. 
 
 "Just what I was going to say," said 
 the policeman. 
 
 " You didn t say so," said the footman ; 
 " you only told me to hold your dress." 
 
 " No," said the coachman ; " you didn t 
 say so. If you had said so, it would have 
 been all different. It s hard \vork sitting 
 here and holding the horses. I ve a good 
 mind to get off and leave them." 
 
 " Oh, please don t," said Beatrice. " I 
 want to go to the palace." 
 
 " Very well," said the coachman, " but 
 don t let it happen again; and I am not 
 at all sure that I can go there now. Get 
 up!" 
 
 " What for ? " said Beatrice. 
 
 " I wasn t speaking to you," said the
 
 BLOWA AWAY. 37 
 
 coachman. " Don t interfere, or I can t 
 drive." 
 
 " Oh ! " cried Beatrice. 
 
 " What is it now ? " said the coachman. 
 
 " I ve forgotten Jessie," said Beatrice. 
 
 "Well, I can t help that," replied the 
 coachman ; " you ll have to learn it again 
 and say it to-morrow." 
 
 " You ll have to drive to Blanchard s 
 and call for her." 
 
 " I sha n t," said the coachman. " I ll 
 drive the horses there, but I won t call for 
 her, you ll have to do that yourself. I m 
 hoarse to-day, and I m going to address a 
 political meeting this evening." 
 
 " Very well," said Beatrice. 
 
 " I don t think so," said the coachman. 
 
 Jessie was waiting at Blanchard s, and 
 in order to kill time, and abbreviate her 
 own existence, she had eaten a strawberry 
 ice, a chocolate ice, a lemon ice, two 
 almond cakes, and had drank three 
 glasses of lemonade and one of cream. 
 
 Jessie had on her yellow silk dress 
 trimmed with black lace and parsley, and
 
 38 BLOW A A U AY. 
 
 she held in her hand a large bouquet, 
 which had been sent to her by an anony 
 mous admirer, whose name was written in 
 a fine, bold hand upon a card which was 
 attached to the bouquet by a wire. 
 
 Jessie climbed into the carriage, which 
 joined a long line of other vehicles full 
 of beautiful girls on their way to the 
 palace. 
 
 The Queen was considerably flustered 
 that so many people should come to spend 
 the evening with her unexpectedly. 
 
 " I don t like surprise parties," said the 
 Queen, " unless I am told about them be 
 forehand, so as to have things ready. May 
 I inquire whether you have brought any 
 thing ? " 
 
 Jessie held up a bath bun and Beatrice 
 an Aberneathy biscuit. 
 
 " Every little helps," said the Queen, 
 and everybody applauded vigorously, be 
 cause everything the Queen said was re 
 ported to be very wise. 
 
 " Each girl must eat what she has 
 brought with her," said the Queen, and
 
 "I DON T LIKE SURPRISE PARTIES.
 
 BLOWN A IV AY. 
 
 all the girls tried to applaud again, but 
 some of them couldn t, and cried bitterly. 
 
 " It s no use crying," said the Queen, 
 folding her pocket-handkerchief carefully, 
 " and you can swap things if you want to." 
 
 " Who will give me 
 a raspberry tart for 
 a bath bun ? " said 
 Jessie. 
 
 "Nobody !" said 
 everybody. 
 
 " Greedies ! " said 
 Jessie. 
 
 " I ll have no quar 
 relling," said the 
 
 Queen. "Send for : -/ /- *S ^ 
 the Poet Laureate ; 
 he ll eat anything 
 that s left over." 
 
 " I can t," said the Poet Laureate ; " I ve 
 been dining out." 
 
 "Then," said the Queen, "you ll have 
 to sing a song, or guess who hit you." 
 
 " I d rather sing," said the Poet Laureate. 
 
 " Very well," said the Queen, sadly.
 
 42 BLOIVX AWAY. 
 
 " I m going out now, and when I return, 
 you must have finished." 
 
 The poet took a new banjo from his 
 pocket, and having carefully blacked his 
 face with a boot-brush, and arranged 
 his feet in front of him, in order not to 
 make any mistakes in the metre, pro 
 ceeded to chant the following ballad to 
 a simple accompaniment. 
 
 " Oh, that the stars in the Empyrean gleaming 
 Were stirred by the thoughts of the men 
 
 that behold, 
 And the songs of the minstrel, when soulfully 
 
 dreaming, 
 
 Could quiver those spangles of silver and 
 gold! 
 
 " Can ever the lover, who s longing and pining, 
 Unbitter his wormword of sovereign woe ? 
 Or the poison that filters through shimmer 
 ing lashes, 
 
 Can it deaden the pain and then soften the 
 blow ? 
 
 " I question, Oh, answer ! you never need 
 
 ponder, 
 Nay, swiftly reply to the query I throw !
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 43 
 
 I pause and you ponder, ah, why should 
 
 you wonder ? 
 
 Can you deaden the pain and then soften 
 the blow ? 
 
 What is it that lingers and raises a spectre 
 That haunts me at night and embitters 
 
 the fray ? 
 Is it some dreary phantom that hid in the 
 
 nectar ? 
 
 The shadow of something I dined off to 
 day ? 
 
 Or, is it the ghost of the long since forgotten, 
 That echoes the strain of a piteous refrain 
 
 By strumming the strings of a heart that is 
 
 sodden 
 With memories naught can engender again ? 
 
 You will-o -the-wisp that I d drown to im 
 prison ! 
 
 You glimmering hope that I d kill to em 
 brace ! 
 
 You stars that are mocking a curtained hori 
 zon ! 
 
 Can I know of you naught but the gleam 
 of your face?
 
 44 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " Did I cast myself down from a peak to an 
 
 endless, 
 
 Did I dive in the jaws of that dragon be 
 low ? 
 Oh, answer me, phantom, me, hideously 
 
 friendless, 
 
 Could you deaden the pain and then soften 
 the blow ? " 
 
 " I can t understand a word of it," said 
 Beatrice, as the Poet Laureate shut up 
 the banjo and put his feet back in his 
 pocket. 
 
 " Of course not," replied the poet. " I 
 should lose my head if you did." 
 
 "Well," said the Queen, "lets have 
 dinner." 
 
 " Please, ma am," said the new servant- 
 girl, " the Minister of War is down-stairs, 
 and wants to see you." 
 
 " Tell him to come up," said the Queen ; 
 " and be sure he wipes his boots." 
 
 " While we are \vaiting," said the poet, 
 " perhaps you will like this better : 
 
 " O bottlefly and bumblebee, 
 O centipede and humble flea,
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 45 
 
 O earwigs dear, and thrifty ants, 
 That often clamber up my 
 
 " That will do," said the Queen ; " you 
 can go now." 
 
 The Poet Laureate put on his wreath, 
 took the best umbrella out 
 of the stand, and went 
 out into the yard 
 and laid down in his 
 barrel. 
 
 The Minister of 
 War was a very tall 
 man, with a big white 
 moustache tied up in 
 
 \ 
 
 every 
 
 sabre wounds all over 
 
 him. He was dressed in 
 
 a red coat and blue trousers, 
 
 and had on a large bearskin hat, which, 
 
 in order to be really military, he was 
 
 obliged to keep on his head always, even 
 
 when he took his bath or went to bed.
 
 46 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 His sword was tied to his waist by a leath 
 er strap, which was so long that he 
 could leave the sword on the hall table 
 and come up-stairs in the dining-room 
 and sit down without unbuckling it. The 
 Minister of War was very abrupt in his 
 speech, as of course he had to be, or he 
 would not have been Minister of War. 
 After hitting his head three times against 
 the mantel-shelf, to prove that he was not 
 afraid of anything, he said: 
 
 " Your Majesty, there s a war coming." 
 
 " Dear me," said the Queen, " where is 
 it coming from? " 
 
 " I don t know," said the Minister of 
 War, taking the curl paper from one side 
 of his moustache and reading it. " I don t 
 know, and if I did, I shouldn t tell. You 
 must ask the Minister for Foreign Af 
 fairs ; but I think you ought to postpone 
 dinner until after the war is over." 
 
 " Put off dinner! " said the Queen. 
 
 " I haven t put it on," said the cook. 
 
 " Very well," said the Queen, " I never 
 said you had."
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 47 
 
 " I ve been looking out of the window," 
 remarked the Minister of War, "and I 
 can t see it anywhere." 
 
 " See what ? " asked the Queen. 
 
 " The war," said the Minister. " I m 
 afraid I ve lost it. I ll have to resign." 
 
 " Very well," said the Queen, " it doesn t 
 matter very much. I m going to wash my 
 dog, and you must all go home now." 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie walked a long time, 
 until they got back to the hollow tree. 
 
 " You ve been a sad while away," said 
 the owl. " It s very inconsiderate, the 
 kettle has boiled over, and would you 
 mind turning me over? I m tired of ly 
 ing on this side. If you think you know 
 how to cut bread and butter, we ll have 
 tea ; and I wouldn t mind a slice of toast 
 and a little raspberry jam." 
 
 " We have got to go out soon," said 
 Beatrice, " to find the Ark." 
 
 " Very well," replied the owl, " I think 
 I ll get up. If you re going out now, as 
 it will soon be dark, you had better cut 
 down a couple of stars and take them with
 
 48 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 you, here are the scissors. Just cut the 
 strings, and you can tie them up again 
 when you come home. You won t need 
 them in the Ark, that s lighted by elec 
 tricity, although I remember the time very 
 well when Noah had only a couple of oil 
 lamps. The Ark was a pleasant place 
 then, but you won t find me there now, I 
 can tell you. Pass the jam ! " 
 
 " I wish," said the mouse, " Jessie were 
 not so tidy, it s uncharitable to be so 
 
 J 
 
 tidy. I m the mother of a large family, 
 and how are we to live, if you don t drop 
 any crumbs ? I m waiting, do you hear ? " 
 
 " I can t eat any more," said Beatrice, 
 " and I feel very sleepy." 
 
 " I hope," observed the mouse, " you 
 will have the common decency to give 
 us our dinner before you retire." 
 
 " It is a sufficient comment," said the 
 owl, sitting back in her chair, and com 
 placently stirring her tea, " upon the slan 
 der which has been propagated concerning 
 my mouse-eating propensities, to call at 
 tention to that rodent, domiciled as it is
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 49 
 
 with its offspring under my very roof. 
 But Public Opinion is gradually driving 
 me to desperation, and I shouldn t won 
 der if some day I actually did swallow 
 that mouse." 
 
 Upon hearing this, the mouse gave vent 
 to a series of heartrending cries : " Chil 
 dren ! " she shrieked, " pack up everything 
 and call a van ; we shall have to move this 
 very evening. We are in the abode of a 
 horrible ogress." 
 
 " Not so fast," said the owl, gobbling 
 the mouse ; " you haven t paid for your 
 board, and now I must go out and buy 
 mourning for her children." Thereupon, 
 the owl put on her bonnet, and, wishing 
 Beatrice and Jessie a very good evening, 
 went out with a basket over her arm. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie were very much 
 shocked at the horrible crime which had 
 been committed before their very eyes, 
 but this didn t prevent them from feeling 
 very sleepy. In a room up-stairs they 
 found two very pretty birds nests lined 
 with eider-down, and with quilted silk cov-
 
 5O BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 erlets and green silk curtains, and both of 
 them were very soon fast asleep. Their 
 dreams were so beautiful that they were 
 never able to remember them, but they 
 woke up bright and early, more deter 
 mined than ever to rescue the handsome 
 but afflicted prince who was imprisoned 
 by the boarding-house fairy. 
 
 Several robins in red waistcoats pre 
 pared the morning bath, after bringing 
 them a large cup of chocolate and some 
 delicious rusks. 
 
 Beatrice was about to step 
 into her bath, when a roach, 
 taking off his hat and bowing 
 quite politely, said : 
 
 " Excuse me, but I fancy you 
 are not aware that you are tak 
 ing a very serious step." 
 
 " I don t think it s so serious," 
 answered Beatrice, " and I must say it is 
 very rude of you to intrude." 
 
 " I live here," said the roach, " and my 
 manners are perfect, in fact, I am called 
 the Ravishing Roach, M. D."
 
 BLOWN AWAY. SI 
 
 " Well, I shall take my bath just the 
 same," answered Beatrice. 
 
 " In that case, I can only stand by and 
 weep ; but probably you do not know the 
 havoc and destruction your thoughtless 
 act will cause ? " 
 
 " Tush," said Beatrice ; " I think you 
 are talking nonsense, and I must have 
 my bath." 
 
 " You said that before," said the roach. 
 " If you will have the kindness to look 
 through this glass, you will perceive what 
 you ought to have noticed long ago, and 
 I fancy you will then change your mind ; 
 and I must say, without any intention of 
 being discourteous, that it is quite time 
 you did." With which, the roach made 
 a profound bow, and offered Beatrice a 
 magnify ing-glass. " Look at your bath 
 now," said the roach. 
 
 Beatrice looked through the magnify- 
 ing-glass, and perceived, to her great as 
 tonishment, that the water was covered, 
 here and there, with great countries, some 
 of which were vast continents and others 
 islands.
 
 52 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 Everywhere she observed the greatest 
 activity, trains running in all directions, 
 ships were sailing across oceans and into 
 ports, steamers were plying to and fro, 
 and in one country she could see a great 
 war in progress, and could even hear the 
 firing of cannon. A piece of Ivory Soap 
 which she had thrown into the middle of 
 an ocean was being settled with newly 
 arrived colonists, and upon the sponge a 
 large city was in course of construction. 
 " What a wonderful thing," said Beatrice. 
 " I might have destroyed all that, but 
 what am I to do ? I must have my 
 bath ! " 
 
 " Well," said the roach, " I ve been a 
 good deal interested in that world ever 
 since it was created this morning. If 
 you ll give them another five hundred 
 years, they ll be pretty well played out, 
 and then you can go in and have your 
 bath without really doing much harm." 
 
 " But I can t wait five hundred years 
 for a bath," said Beatrice, "and I m not 
 sure I shall live so long."
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 53 
 
 " Oh," said the roach, " you d call it five 
 minutes, but to them its five hundred 
 years. You see, you re so much bigger. 
 I hope you re not offended with me for 
 having interfered, and would you oblige 
 me with my glass ? " 
 
 Beatrice was handing the roach the 
 glass, when Jessie entered the bathroom 
 and pushed poor Beatrice into the water. 
 
 " Oh, Jessie," cried Beatrice, " you don t 
 know what you ve done. You ve made 
 me destroy the world." 
 
 " It s no use crying over spilt milk," 
 said the roach, fastening a piece of crepe 
 to the handle of his front door. " Perhaps 
 you ll be a little more careful another time. 
 You ll excuse me now, I m sure, but this is 
 my office hour, and I m expecting a num 
 ber of out-of-town patients. Good-morn 
 ing." 
 
 " Please, Miss Beatrice and Miss Jessie," 
 said the maid, " the laundress has brought 
 your linen, and it s all marked with a big 
 
 o; " 
 
 " Oh ! " said Beatrice.
 
 54 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " Yes, O, " said the maid. 
 
 " Silly," said Beatrice, " it s an exclama 
 tion ! " 
 
 " It s an infraction," said the maid, who 
 was very learned. 
 
 "What s to be done about it?" asked 
 Jessie. 
 
 " The laundress has marked all your 
 linen with an O, " repeated the maid. 
 
 " You said that before," said Beatrice. 
 
 " I thought I d make it quite clear," 
 said the maid ; " and what s more, she s 
 marked them with thick ink." 
 
 " That isn t clear," said Beatrice. " Be 
 sides, you said it before, and now you 
 say them. " 
 
 " It is the linen, and them is the 
 things," said the maid. 
 
 " Are the things," corrected Beatrice. 
 
 " They are," said the maid. 
 
 " Everything that is marked with an 
 O is mine," said the owl. 
 
 " No, it s not," said Beatrice. 
 
 " Don t contradict," said the owl. " If 
 you have any doubts about it, we had bet-
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 55 
 
 ter go before my friend, the Justice; he ll 
 decide. Come along." And herewith 
 the owl presented Beatrice and Jessie 
 with two pretty pieces of blue paper, on 
 which was printed a neat invitation to 
 come and see the judge at ten in the 
 morning. 
 
 Both the children were very pleased to 
 have so much notice taken of them, and, 
 having attired themselves in very pretty 
 dresses, they climbed into a tram - car, 
 which whirled them as quick as thought 
 to the beautiful palace where the Justice 
 gave a party every day. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie were awestruck 
 when they entered the presence of the 
 functionary, who was a very fine, fat, eld 
 erly pig in an armchair. The Judge s 
 head was bald, which rendered his ap 
 pearance very venerable, and he wore on 
 his nose a pair of gold eye-glasses. At 
 the corner of the Judge s desk a little pig 
 was stationed who was continually saying, 
 " Hats off ! " " Hats off ! " 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie, as soon as they
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 heard this, took off their hats and sat on 
 them. 
 
 " You needn t have done that," said the 
 Justice. 
 
 " Why not ? " said Jessie. 
 " Silence in Court ! " said the little pig. 
 " What do you want here ? " said the 
 Justice. 
 
 " Please ," said Beatrice.
 
 BLOWA r AWAY. 57 
 
 " Silence in Court ! " said the little pig. 
 
 " You mustn t say anything yourself," 
 said the Justice. 
 
 " Who must say it ? " asked Beatrice. 
 
 " Silence in Court ! " said the little pig. 
 
 " Go ahead," said the Justice. 
 
 " Your Honor," said the cat, " I cannot 
 proceed with this case if the sanctity of 
 this Court is to be profaned by such levity 
 on the part of the defendants." 
 
 " I shall have to fine them sixpence 
 each," said the Judge, "and they must 
 please pay it now." 
 
 " I ve nothing less than half a crown," 
 said Beatrice, " and if I change it, I ll 
 spend it." 
 
 " You should have thought of that be 
 fore," said the Judge ; and he sent the 
 little pig out to get the change. 
 
 " Little Pig," said the Judge, "purchase 
 for me a pennyworth of roast chestnuts, 
 two pennyworth of toffee, and a penny 
 worth of bull s eyes. Now then," con 
 tinued the Judge, crossing his legs and 
 closing his eyes, " let the case proceed."
 
 58 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " Please your Honor," said the tom 
 cat, who had climbed on to the back of 
 the bench, and was snarling at Beatrice 
 and Jessie, " these two persons have en 
 deavored to rob my client, who is a hard 
 working, honest and thrifty widow." 
 
 " Is that true?" said the Judge. 
 
 " No," said Beatrice. 
 
 " Silence in Court ! " said the little pig. 
 
 " They were about," said the cat, " to 
 steal this linen, which belongs to my 
 client and is marked with an O, and 
 I can, at any moment, if your Honor 
 requires it, produce the laundress who 
 marked the linen." 
 
 " It s ours! " said Jessie. 
 
 " Silence in Court ! " said the little pig. 
 
 " Is it marked with an O ? " said the 
 Judge. 
 
 " Yes, your Honor," said the cat. 
 
 " Have you anything to say," said the 
 Judge, "why sentence should not be pro 
 nounced ? " 
 
 " Please, Judge, " said Beatrice. 
 
 " Silence in Court ! " said the little pig.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 59 
 
 "In that case," said the Justice, "the 
 linen marked with an O belongs to the 
 owl, just as everything marked with a P 
 belongs to me, or everything marked with 
 a C belongs to the cat, is there any 
 one here who dare dispute that ? Could 
 anything be clearer, anything plainer? 
 In consideration of your extreme youth 
 and the fact that this is your first of 
 fence, you may go, but you must never 
 do it again." 
 
 " Do what ? " said Beatrice. 
 
 " Silence in Court ! " said the little pig ; 
 and Beatrice and Jessie were thrown out 
 into the street. 
 
 " I don t like this at all," said Jessie ; 
 " we shall have to buy some sweets or I 
 shall be very unhappy." 
 
 " Very well," said Beatrice. But just 
 then a whirlwind happening to pass, they 
 jumped in, and were left high and dry in 
 a beautiful meadow, where innumerable 
 bright flowers were blooming, where the 
 lark was singing high above their heads 
 in the blue sky, and where, by a trans-
 
 60 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 parent stream, a large red animal stood 
 lazily fanning away the flies with a 
 feather duster. 
 
 " Ask him the way to the Ark, " said 
 Jessie. 
 
 " Please " said Beatrice. 
 
 " Excuse me," said the animal, " but I 
 don t think we have been introduced, 
 at least I can t recollect having met you 
 
 O * 
 
 before." 
 
 " Perhaps not," said Beatrice. 
 
 " In that case," said the animal, " I must 
 decline any further conversation." 
 
 " But I think I know you," hazarded 
 Beatrice. 
 
 " Very likely," said the animal, " so do 
 many people ; but they are mostly mis 
 taken. The party you are probably ac 
 quainted with, you may behold on the 
 other side of the field. Good-morning." 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie turned about, and 
 saw standing under a tree an animal 
 that closely resembled the taciturn quad 
 ruped they had vainly endeavored to in 
 terrogate. On a branch above it was
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 6 1 
 
 fastened a placard with the inscription, 
 " Pull the bell." 
 
 " Where s the bell ? " said Jessie. 
 
 u Pull the tail," said the frog, who was 
 trying experiments close by. 
 
 " I don t like to," said Beatrice. 
 
 " Oh, she won t mind," said the frog. 
 " It s quite different over the way there. 
 She s an aristocrat, and you have to bring 
 an introduction, but anybody can call here. 
 Have you money about you, may I ask ? " 
 
 " I ve two shillings," said Beatrice. 
 
 " Well," said the frog, " that ll go a long 
 way. You can buy buttermilk, or oleo 
 margarine, or skim-milk, or tub-butter, 
 and lots of things, it s this one does the 
 business. The other one, the genuine 
 lady, is falling into innocuous desuetude. 
 Look at her now chewing her cud and 
 just giving milk, that s all. Why, it s 
 absurd in these days of enterprise and 
 progress. You must jump with the times, 
 I ve often told her so. Milk ? absurd ! 
 How are we going to feed the millions ? 
 Look at all you children ; do you think,
 
 62 
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 -now I ask you, do you think a cow 
 that can only produce milk and butter 
 and cream can feed all you children ? Of 
 course not. Look at me; I m full of en 
 terprise and ideas and schemes, and you ll 
 hear from me presently, only keep your 
 
 ears open. Could you oblige me with a 
 pinch of snuff? Oh, well, never mind, 
 only I thought perhaps you knew that 
 snuff is coming into fashion again. I 
 jump with the times." 
 
 Beatrice pulled the animal s tail, and
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 63 
 
 was startled to hear a bell ring inside. 
 Instantly a door opened and a little old 
 man appeared. 
 
 " Plait-il ? " said the man. 
 
 " I m sorry to hear that," said Beatrice ; 
 " I ll call another time." 
 
 " Non, non, non," said the little old man. 
 " Plait-il, fran9ais, French, if you please. 
 Vat you vant, hein ? " 
 
 " Oh, yes, I see," said Beatrice. " You 
 came out so suddenly, I didn t quite hear 
 what you said. Could you please tell us 
 the way to the Ark ? " 
 
 " Ze Ark, ah, ze Ark, ze mansion, ze 
 palais, ze chateau of ze great Monsieur 
 Noah ? Oh, ah, you vant to zee heem, 
 hein ? " 
 
 " Yes, please," said Jessie. 
 
 " Ah, ze ozer young lady, she also, she 
 vant to zee ze great Ark of ze great Noah ? 
 Ees eet posseeble ? You do not vant to 
 puy anyzeeng ; you only vant to know ze 
 vay ! Tonnerre! you have ze audace to 
 pull ze tail of ze bell to ask ze question. 
 It ees too mooch ! I refer you to ze gen-
 
 6 4 
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 tleman himself, ze great Monsieur Noah 
 of ze ark ; he ees coming zees vay, behold 
 heem! Bon jour, good-day, good-morn 
 ing, good-evening, bon soir, au revoir, au 
 plaisir, good-bye. I have 
 ze plaisir to vish you good 
 night." 
 
 " Can I be of any service 
 to you," said a mellifluous 
 voice at both their elbows. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie turned, 
 and instantly recognized the 
 familiar figure of Noah. 
 He was dressed in precisely 
 the same suit of clothes he 
 had worn when they played 
 with him in their ark at 
 home. He also wore the same benevo 
 lent expression of countenance and the 
 same rigid attitude ; and he propelled 
 himself by some mysterious manner upon 
 the same green, round, flat pedestal which 
 had proved his only ostensible means of 
 support amid so many scenes of domestic 
 vicissitude.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 65 
 
 " Oh, it s Mr. Noah," said Beatrice and 
 Jessie. 
 
 " Yes," replied the amiable figure, " it is 
 indeed Noah, young ladies, Noah him 
 self. I flatter myself that my advertise 
 ments have not been in vain. I stand 
 to-day the best-known figure in the show 
 business of the world. It isn t every young 
 lady that is privileged to see me, that 
 would be cheapening myself; but now 
 that you ve discovered me, you ve found 
 me, and here I am." 
 
 " Yes, there you are," said Beatrice and 
 Jessie ; and they were so delighted that 
 they stared at him with their mouths wide 
 open. 
 
 "That s true," said Noah, "but please 
 shut your mouths ; it s rude to open them 
 so wide, and there is no telling what might 
 fall into them. Always keep your mouths 
 shut, if you wish to avoid danger. And 
 now you would like to see the Ark ? it s 
 a shilling each, please." 
 
 Beatrice gave Noah her two shillings, 
 and Noah dropped them into his hat,
 
 66 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 which he always kept on his head be 
 cause it was full of money not his head, 
 but his hat. 
 
 " This way," said Noah, very politely, but 
 just then a terrible explosion knocked him 
 down, and both Beatrice and Jessie were 
 thrown to the ground. 
 
 " Oh, dear," said Beatrice, " what was 
 that?" 
 
 " Please pick me up," said Noah, " and 
 I will tell you." 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie tenderly placed 
 Noah upright upon his pedestal. 
 
 " That explosion," said Noah, " was the 
 frog. He has been experimenting for 
 some time, trying to look like a cow. I 
 warned him, but he wouldn t listen to me. 
 He has just exploded with fatal results, 
 I think he has chipped a piece out of my 
 trousers, and I shall have to be repanted 
 in parts. Thus does the folly of others 
 cause the suffering of somebody else. 
 But let that pass. We will now go into 
 the Ark, which, as you know, stands upon 
 Mt. Arrowroot, not the original Mt.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 6? 
 
 Arrowroot, I have disposed of that in 
 pieces, at a penny a piece, and some of it 
 has been stolen by wicked sightseers, but 
 still it s Mt. Arrowroot, you can t take 
 the name away, you know." 
 
 " Is it far from here ? " hazarded Jessie. 
 
 " It s on the tenth story," said Noah, 
 " but there is an elevator, and a boy in 
 uniform. Here we are." And Noah 
 pointed proudly to a sign which read, 
 " Take this elevator to the Ark, keep 
 to your right for the trains go down 
 the steps to the boat." " It s not too 
 late to turn back, young ladies, if you re 
 afraid. The animals have all been fed, 
 but still accidents will happen in the best 
 regulated families." 
 
 O 
 
 " If you ll excuse us for a moment," said 
 Beatrice, " we will hold a convention." 
 
 " Take your time," said Noah, politely. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie sat down and talked 
 rapidly for three hours, until the setting 
 sun and the dead birds that lay all around 
 them reminded them that the discussion 
 had been lengthy, whereupon they rose
 
 68 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 simultaneously, and, with a deep courtesy, 
 informed Noah that for ill or for woe, for 
 better or for worse, they were prepared to 
 face the animals in the Ark. 
 
 " But," said Noah, " you must promise 
 not to talk to the animals too much. In 
 fact, we don t allow ladies to talk to the 
 animals at all, it hurts them." 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie promised faithfully 
 not to enter into conversation with any 
 beast. 
 
 " In that case," said Noah, " I will trust 
 you." 
 
 The boy in the elevator was very 
 pleased to see Beatrice and Jessie. He 
 spoke to them kindly and with much 
 affability, and he further manifested his 
 amiable disposition by a promise to 
 eventually lend them a book he was 
 then perusing. 
 
 After having been shot twice through 
 the roof, and after two descents to the cel 
 lar, they finally arrived at their destination. 
 Noah took Jessie by one hand and Bea 
 trice by the other, or Beatrice by one
 
 BLOWN AWAY. /I 
 
 hand and Jessie by the other, I forget 
 which, and walked with them to the Ark. 
 Both Beatrice and Jessie were trembling 
 with excitement. 
 
 " You must not tremble so," said Noah, 
 "you are shaking the glue, and unsettling 
 me for my work. It is only by preserving 
 a stolid countenance, every autumn when 
 sugar is cheap, that I am able to subdue 
 my animals ; and before you go in," 
 continued Noah, " I m sorry to say you 
 will have to listen to a recitation, 
 it s part of my duty, and I must do it. 
 I m sorry, nobody ever likes it, but I 
 must, and you can have refreshment 
 afterwards." 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie, being obliging girls 
 and accustomed to afternoon parties, smiled 
 bitterly, and assented. 
 
 The usher conducted them to a front 
 seat on the aisle, and Noah, having pow 
 dered his face and made some other nec 
 essary alterations in his dress, such as 
 the theme of his recitation demanded, de 
 claimed the following :
 
 72 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " Beware how you face the lion s maw, 
 Beware the pussy s fiendish claw, 
 Nor brave the squirrel s horrid roar. 
 
 Excelsior ! 
 
 " Let not the dromedary s smile, 
 Nor crocodiles with tears beguile ; 
 Let not the chimpanzee or clown, 
 Or horse that gallops up and down, 
 Or bull that wallows in his gore, 
 Or bees that hive their sugared store 
 Which little girls like you adore. 
 
 Excelsior ! 
 
 " Let not the donkey s bray convince, 
 Or wolves and monkeys hash and mince ; 
 Let not the cow or lowly swine 
 The mole and hedgehog undermine, 
 Nor other quadrupeds galore, 
 Yea, ten or twelve or even more, 
 That bide within my humble store. 
 
 Excelsior ! 
 
 " This is no time to launch the Ark, 
 Or stir the scaly, slumbering snark ; 
 To shave the dog or shear the sheep, 
 Or wake the weasel when asleep,
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 73 
 
 Or stay the chamois in his leap, 
 To call the dentist to the boar, 
 Or manicure your father Noah. 
 
 Excelsior ! 
 
 " Lie still and hear the jungle breathe, 
 And watch the elephant on the heath, 
 The ducks and flies and myriad things, 
 And all the beasts that boast of wings. 
 And do not fool with tails with stings, 
 The snakes and scorpions on the floor 
 Are not on speaking terms with Noah. 
 
 Excelsior ! 
 
 " Look here and there and everywhere, 
 But take my warning and beware, 
 Yea, look your fill at every beast, 
 Not this the more nor that the least 
 (The price is low and vast the feast), 
 Yet, ah, beware, and do not jaw 
 The an-i-mals of father Noah ! 
 
 Excelsior! " 
 
 " That s very nice," said Beatrice ; " only 
 I don t quite understand Excelsior. What 
 does it mean ? "
 
 74 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 Noah s eyebrows went up under his hat, 
 and appeared after a while under his chin. 
 " Excelsior," he said, " is etceteror, or so 
 on and upwards. When you say excelsior, 
 or etceteror, or so on and upwards, you 
 leave a great deal to the imagination, 
 which is always a fine thing in every 
 thing. 
 
 " And now," said Noah, spinning round 
 rapidly on his base, " I will present you to 
 the animals. There are fortunately a good 
 many of the genuine ones still left. At 
 first most of the original stock was on 
 tour, but now the demand for the manu 
 factured article, or fake, is so great that 
 the old ones are falling into the sere and 
 yellow leaf, which is the best I can afford, 
 the price of flesh and hay being so high." 
 
 " Do the animals ever leave the Ark ? " 
 said Beatrice. " I thought they couldn t 
 get out because the water was so high." 
 
 " The water rates are high," answered 
 Noah, " but it isn t there the shoe pinches. 
 Of course they travel. The Ark has been 
 so much talked about that people desired
 
 GHIGANTICUM-TIETHGRATHORFUS, 
 
 Do NOT HED 
 HIM "Pfft NUTS 
 
 " I HAVE TO MANUFACTURE BEASTS TO 
 SATISFY THE PEOPLE. "
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 77 
 
 to see the animals, and I sent out several 
 companies under the management of my 
 boys, Shem, Ham, and Japhet. Perhaps 
 you ve seen some of them ? " 
 
 " I ve seen a circus," said Jessie. 
 
 " That s it," said Noah. " It s a circus, 
 that s what it is, but let that pass. Now 
 the people are no longer satisfied with one 
 head to a calf, or an ordinary face on a 
 dog, or a snake of common proportions ; 
 I have to manufacture beasts to satisfy 
 the people, and the real ones stay at 
 home." 
 
 " Don t they get tired of it ? " asked 
 Beatrice. 
 
 " Tired ? Bless you, no ; we re a happy 
 family. We play cards, and have dances 
 and private theatricals, and read books 
 and talk about one another. Perhaps, if 
 you are very good and please them, you 
 may be allowed to witness one of our 
 talented entertainments. But walk in, 
 walk in, and I ll introduce you, if you ll 
 give me your names, which I think you 
 forgot to tell me."
 
 78 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie imparted the in 
 formation, and, having carefully crossed 
 a plank which was placed over the gut 
 ter, Noah rang the bell, a neat maid 
 opened the door, Noah hung up his hat 
 in the hall, and ushered them into the 
 Ark. 
 
 " Whom have we here ? " said the bear, 
 walking up to Noah and digging him in 
 the ribs. " Who did you say, eh ? " 
 
 " These young ladies," said Noah, " are 
 Miss Beatrice and Miss Jessie. They 
 have come to call." 
 
 " H m," said the bear, " I don t like their 
 looks. Sit down, if you can find a clean 
 chair. We had a beastly bad dinner to 
 day, and I don t think you ll find us in a 
 very good temper." 
 
 " Speak for yourself," said the jackal. 
 
 " Forage for yourself," said the bear. 
 
 " He s got a sore head," said the bull. 
 
 " He s got a thick head," said the bear. 
 
 " If you re going to have a game of 
 repartee," said the elephant, who stood 
 in a corner, " let me out."
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 79 
 
 " He always says that," said the bear. 
 " He can t get out ; he s too big." 
 
 Just then a bird flew in through the 
 window, and, having carefully locked away 
 a little green branch in a drawer, sidled 
 up to Beatrice and Jessie, and said, " You 
 think I m a dove, don t you ? Well, I m 
 not. I m a pigeon. The dove was mar 
 ried long ago, and lives down Kensington 
 way." 
 
 " Aren t you the dove with the olive 
 branch ? " said Beatrice. 
 
 " Everybody thinks I m a dove," an 
 swered the bird, "but I m not; I m a 
 pigeon. A new olive branch every day 
 is too expensive, the one I use is arti 
 ficial, and I always lock it up in a drawer, 
 or some beast would eat it. I hide it 
 under my wing when I go out, and fly 
 back and pretend I ve found it. I make 
 three trips a day. I always interest visit 
 ors. They think I m a dove, but I m not; 
 I m a pigeon." 
 
 " If you re going to say that again," 
 remarked the elephant, " let me out."
 
 8O BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " He always says that," said the bear. 
 " He can t get out ; he s too big." 
 
 " My name s Jacob," said the jack 
 daw. 
 
 " Don t tell that bird anything," said 
 the bear; "he ll repeat it." 
 
 " When is a door not a door ? " asked 
 the wild boar. 
 
 " The boar always asks riddles," said 
 the bear. 
 
 " Give it up? " asked the boar. 
 
 " If you re going to ask riddles," said 
 the elephant, " let me out." 
 
 " When it s a jackdaw," said the boar. 
 
 " I love domestic felicity," remarked the 
 rabbit to the hare. " Meander with me in 
 the plaisance." 
 
 " I m henpecked, that s what I am," said 
 the hare. 
 
 "No unpleasant reflections, if you please," 
 said the hen, " or I ll hurl an egg at you." 
 
 " She s so old and tough," said the calf, 
 " she lays hard-boiled eggs." 
 
 " It s not true," said the hen. " They re 
 soft-boiled, only three minutes."
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 8 I 
 
 " Oh, dear ! " said the lion, yawning and 
 emitting a fearful growl. 
 
 " Good gracious ! " said the cat, " he s 
 horribly out of tune, and we re so musical, 
 
 tune him, somebody." 
 
 " I ll not be tuned," said the lion. " I 
 don t want to be tuned ; I want to be 
 amused." 
 
 " Very well," said the pig, " what do you 
 say to supper ? " 
 
 " Oh, if you re going to have supper," 
 said the elephant, " let me out." 
 
 " Couldn t I eat these two young ladies, 
 
 pour passer le temps ? " inquired the 
 lion. 
 
 " Not for the world," said Noah. " It 
 would kill my business. You can have 
 amateur theatricals." 
 
 "Very well," said the lion, "but don t 
 give the monkey a part." 
 
 " Am I scratched ? " asked the monkey. 
 
 " You ve scratched yourself," said the 
 lion. 
 
 " If you re going to have private the 
 atricals, let me out," said the elephant.
 
 82 
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " He always says that," said the bear. 
 " He can t get out." 
 
 "Who ll be leading lady?" said the 
 bulldog. 
 
 " I," said the little deer ; " they always 
 like me." 
 
 " I am much better 
 fitted for the part," said 
 the cat. " I ve a 
 higher voice and 
 
 more intelli 
 gence, and I m 
 accustomed to 
 sit up late." 
 
 " This way," 
 said Noah to 
 Beatrice and 
 Jessie. "The 
 performance is about to commence, all 
 the fashionable people are already seated. 
 This way, this way." And Noah con 
 ducted Beatrice and Jessie to two lovely 
 seats lined with velvet. 
 
 In front of them sat the King of Jum 
 bles and the Queen of Jumbles, and all
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 83 
 
 their court, composed of a number of old 
 ladies with feathers in their hair and dia 
 monds and rubies sparkling on their bare 
 necks, and gentlemen in warming-pans 
 and dish covers on their torsos and coal 
 scuttles on their heads so highly polished 
 that you could see your face in any one of 
 them. 
 
 The boxes were occupied by other 
 people, kings and queens and princes, 
 who chattered and ate ices, and ex 
 hibited themselves to the common people 
 free of charge. 
 
 Presently the bell in the steeple struck, 
 and it was quite a long time before it 
 could be persuaded to go on. Then 
 the orchestra began to make a variety 
 of noises, and the august personages 
 stuck cotton-wool in their ears in order 
 not to hear them, but when it played 
 all the national anthems at one and 
 the same time, so as not to offend any 
 reigning sovereign on earth, the people 
 up-stairs and the people down-stairs all 
 rose together and gave three cheers for
 
 84 BLOWN A IV AY. 
 
 nobody in particular and everybody in 
 general. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie were glad to be able 
 to gaze for half an hour at a beautifully 
 painted curtain. There were swans in a 
 lake, a gondola, a palace and trees, a grey 
 hound, and a handsome gentleman in 
 short trousers trimmed with lace and a 
 hat edged with feathers, handing a lady 
 in a long bath-gown down a staircase ; 
 but when presently the curtain rolled 
 out of sight and they beheld a row of 
 trees painted on paper on each side of 
 the stage, and several other paper trees 
 stuck about here and there, and some 
 more trees painted on a large piece of 
 paper at the back, with a lovely round 
 moon that stood quite still and shone so 
 brightly that it hurt their eyes to look at, 
 they screamed with delight. 
 
 " If you do that again," said the monkey, 
 whom the jealousy of his associates had 
 compelled to act as usher, " I shall have 
 to eject you ! " 
 
 " Can t we scream ? " asked Beatrice.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 85 
 
 " Certainly not," replied the monkey. 
 " You re disturbing the performance." 
 
 " It hasn t begun yet," said Beatrice. 
 
 " Yes, it has," answered the monkey, " it 
 begins with the moon. Look at your pro 
 gramme ; what does it say ? " 
 
 " It says, Moon in the Forest, " said Jes 
 sie, who could read with great rapidity. 
 
 " Well, that s it," affirmed the monkey ; 
 " that s the moon in the forest, and you 
 mustn t disturb it." 
 
 " Very well," said Beatrice, " we won t ; 
 only we didn t know the moon was so 
 touchy." 
 
 " It is," said the monkey; " I ve known 
 it to leave the stage and refuse to play, for 
 a mere trifle." 
 
 " Quite right, too," said Jessie. " I 
 wouldn t hold the moon for a trifle." 
 
 " If you don t keep still," threatened the 
 monkey, " it will be my painful duty to 
 eject you." And with this he walked up 
 the aisle with great dignity, and hung by 
 his tail from the balcony. 
 
 " If the usher doesn t stop this tomfool-
 
 86 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 ery," remarked the cat, who had just made 
 her entrance upon the stage, " I shall not 
 act any more." 
 
 The cat being a great favorite, the audi 
 ence applauded, and when silence had been 
 restored, she scattered some sand upon 
 the boards and danced. The monkey 
 untied his tail, and asked an elderly gen 
 tleman, who had fallen asleep, for his 
 ticket. 
 
 " In this sylvan glade," 
 
 said the cat, smiling, because she was out 
 of breath, 
 
 " In this sylvan glade, 
 Where zephyrs chase the cow 
 
 " Talking of cows," said the cat, " re 
 minds me of the fact that I must have a 
 little milk. In the meanwhile, with your 
 kind permission, my understudy will un 
 dertake my part at a moment s notice, 
 and I must request your very kind in 
 dulgence for her. If I had given her any 
 time for preparation, she might have played
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 87 
 
 the part too well, and you will, therefore, 
 comprehend that she is entitled to every 
 consideration. Charity begins at home." 
 And with several courtesies the pretty cat 
 retired from the stage, followed by a burst 
 of applause which lasted for some minutes. 
 " Whilst Miss Pussy prepares herself to 
 play the role recently performed by Mile. 
 Tabbi," said the prompter, " I have the 
 profound honor to present to you Mrs. 
 Piggy Wiggy, the great manageress. Mrs. 
 Piggy Wiggy, ladies and gentlemen," 
 continued the prompter, whose left eye 
 was bandaged with a scarlet pocket-hand 
 kerchief, " Mrs. Piggy Wiggy, ladies and 
 gentlemen, eats everything. She is a 
 heroine ; she eats paper, ladies and gen 
 tlemen, and those among you who have 
 ever eaten paper cannot fail to be aware 
 of its tough and indigestive qualities ! 
 Ladies and gentlemen, it was the heroic 
 determination upon the part of Mrs. Piggy 
 Wiggy not to be outdone by her rival, 
 Mrs. Nanny Goat, that led her, in the 
 interests of art, and I may say of science,
 
 88 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 to devour manuscripts, bricks, tin cans, 
 old clothes, boots ; and furthermore, ladies 
 and gentlemen, fired by that generous 
 zeal and by that noble emulation which 
 has ever been the striking characteristic 
 of the Piggy Wiggy family, she did not 
 pause at such trifles. No, ladies and gen 
 tlemen, there is nothing that she does not 
 try to eat, nothing that she cannot eat, 
 nothing that she will not eat! In the 
 self-sacrificing devotion to art and liter 
 ature and science, Mrs. Piggy Wiggy, 
 ladies and gentlemen, has become ple 
 thoric, and alas ! ladies and gentlemen, 
 there exists a fear that some day she may 
 burst ; but if she does " (and here the 
 prompter rose to a fine height of patriotic 
 enthusiasm), " if she does, she will burst 
 in the interests of art and literature and 
 science ! Before introducing the great 
 manageress," continued the prompter, in 
 a confidential tone, " I have to say that 
 Mrs. Piggy Wiggy is of an amiable dis 
 position unless she be balked in her desire 
 to eat something. I trust, therefore, you
 
 MRS. PIGGY WIGGV.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 9! 
 
 will not excite Mrs. Piggy Wiggy by 
 refusing to permit her to eat anything 
 in the audience she may fancy. Beyond 
 this, ladies and gentlemen, you may de 
 pend upon Mrs. Piggy Wiggy s amiable 
 disposition and good-will." 
 
 The prompter now retired, and returned 
 with the renowned Mrs. Piggy Wiggy, who 
 was costumed as " The Distressed Mother," 
 and wore a miniature portrait of herself in 
 medallion upon her breast. It was evi 
 dent to Beatrice and Jessie that, although 
 Mrs. Piggy Wiggy smiled, she was suffer 
 ing great pain, from the manner in which 
 she laid her hand upon the vicinity of her 
 heart, and, moreover, she was so fat that 
 her neck had entirely disappeared. The 
 audience, greatly awed by the sight of 
 this beautiful Piggy Wiggy, forgot to 
 applaud, and Mrs. Piggy Wiggy, having 
 grunted very pleasantly, trotted gently out 
 of sight. 
 
 " You haven t noticed me," said the 
 camel, who had posed, shrouded in a 
 black cloak and a broad-brimmed hat,
 
 9 2 
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 behind a tree. " It proves how realistic 
 I am. I am not supposed to be seen, 
 but still you ought to have accorded me 
 a reception when I entered." 
 
 The audience apolo 
 gized, and the play 
 progressed. The camel 
 resumed his effective 
 pose behind a tree. 
 
 Mile. Pussy, covered 
 with blushes, and a 
 pale blue ribbon tied 
 about her slender neck 
 and a delicate azure 
 bow decorating her tail, 
 stepped diffidently to 
 the foot-lights. 
 " This lady," said the promp 
 ter, "has been imported from 
 France, and although her language is 
 foreign, her gestures and Grimaces are so 
 
 o * o o 
 
 cosmopolitan that she can easily be un 
 derstood even by those who have never 
 studied Ollendorf." 
 
 Pussy drew on a pair of long black
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 93 
 
 gloves, which nearly reached to her waist, 
 and slowly closing one eye, she daintily 
 placed a forefinger upon the other, and 
 dealing the King of Jumbles a killing 
 glance from the thus isolated and con 
 centrated orb, she sang: 
 
 " Quand Villikins se promenait dans son jardin 
 
 un matin, 
 II decouvrit La Belle Dinah etendue sur son 
 
 chemin, 
 Une tasse de soupe poisonnee froide dans sa 
 
 main 
 Et un billet-doux lisant qu elle s etait suicidee 
 
 bien. 
 
 " Le corpus rigide il 1 embrassait mille fois ; 
 D etre separe de sa Dinah il ne 1 endurait pas ; 
 II avalait le reste de la soupe execrable 
 Et fut enterre de suite avec sa Dinah aimable. 
 
 " Entendez bien la morale de ma plainte : 
 D un amant vulgeur il se change done en 
 
 saint, 
 Et pour toute demoiselle que se tue par 
 
 amour, 
 Qu il meurt en martyr un jeune bel-homme 
 
 toujours ! "
 
 94 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " Hand that down to me," said the 
 schoolmaster, sternly, " and, after I have 
 corrected the mistakes, you can stay in 
 whilst the other pupils are enjoying their 
 well-earned holiday, and write it out fifty 
 times." 
 
 " If you ll let me try again," pleaded 
 poor pussy, with tears in her eyes, " I 
 think I can say it better." 
 
 " No," exclaimed the camel, " you can t 
 go on forever, it isn t fair; it s my turn 
 next. My parents and all my friends 
 are in the house, and I want them to hear 
 me." 
 
 " It s a topical song," said pussy, sob 
 bing bitterly, " and I can continue as long 
 as I please." 
 
 " How s that ? " asked the camel, appeal 
 ing to the prompter. 
 
 " Out," said the prompter, and poor 
 little Miss Pussy trotted disconsolately 
 away. 
 
 The camel, who was suffering with 
 lumps, came forward and picked up the 
 thread of the forgotten plot.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 95 
 
 " Don t touch that ! " cried the prompter, 
 " or you ll bring down the curtain, it isn t 
 time yet." 
 
 The camel retired, and resumed his 
 
 effective pose behind the tree. A long 
 prolonged roar of genuine applause now 
 shook the house. 
 
 " Toby or not a Toby," said the orang 
 outang, sitting down and gazing medi-
 
 96 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 tatively at a pot of beer, " Toby or not 
 a Toby?" 
 
 " The orang-outang," spoke a sad, lone 
 voice close to Beatrice, " is unable to play 
 this part This character has not been ad 
 equately interpreted since the year 1611, 
 when a stout person undertook the role 
 in England. This orang-outang is a 
 common and repulsive beast, and is en 
 tirely incapable of comprehending the 
 delicate distinction of a Toby that is a 
 Toby, and a Toby that is not a Toby. 
 Woe, woe, ha, ha ! " 
 
 "Why do you say woe, woe, ha, 
 ha ? " asked Beatrice. 
 
 " Why, why," said the sad, lone voice, 
 " because " 
 
 " Because what ? " asked Beatrice. 
 
 " Simply because," answered the sad, 
 lone voice. " If you shut your eyes, you 
 can see what I see ; if you open your eyes, 
 you will see nothing." 
 
 " That s ridiculous," exclaimed Beatrice. 
 
 " Woe, woe, ha, ha ! " spoke the sad, lone 
 voice.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 97 
 
 " Did you ever know any one so pro 
 voking ? What does woe, woe, ha, ha 
 mean, and why do you say it?" 
 
 "Shall I tell you, shall I? Shall I 
 shatter your dolls, your hobby-horses, your 
 flower-beds, shall I ? " 
 
 " You can t," said Beatrice. 
 
 " Can t ? Can t ? Do you mean cannot ? 
 Oh, how soon, how soon ? Woe, woe, ha, 
 ha, I say it always, ever, forever, this 
 day, next day, sometime, never. I say it 
 because what is woe is laughable, and 
 what is laughable is woe. Woe, woe, ha, 
 ha is everything, something, all things, 
 nothing. It s the pyramids. It s the 
 sphinx! " 
 
 " Are you aware," asked the monkey, 
 " that you are disturbing the acting ? " 
 
 The sad, lone voice fell from his seat to 
 the floor, and writhed there in a paroxysm 
 of laughter. His merriment rolled in waves 
 beneath the seats, and chilled the feet of 
 the audience. Shaking then the dust from 
 his loose habiliments, and sweeping the 
 grizzled locks from his pale and thoughtful
 
 98 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 forehead : " Acting ? Did you, did you 
 say acting ? Did you ever hear me ? Can 
 I sit here and realize what is sizzling, fiz 
 zing, and whizzing within me, and then 
 be still? Woe, woe, ha, ha! Only me, 
 and nothing more ! Little children, shall 
 I break out ? Shall I unbud, flower, bloom ? 
 Shall I? It is smoldering, shall I fan 
 it and let it flame ? Acting ? Oh, let me 
 not laugh again. See ! I rise, I am rising, 
 I have risen. Only me, and nothing more. 
 " Empty is the china bowl, the spirit flown 
 
 forever ; 
 Let the bell toll, and pretty Poll remove the 
 
 scraps of supper ; 
 Nectarian pop, hast thou no drop left of thy 
 
 luscious store ? 
 And of thy cheer, dear bitter beer, is there, 
 
 alas ! no more ? 
 Come, let the final hie be hoc d, the parting 
 
 song be sung, 
 A paean for the happiest dead that ever died 
 
 so young, 
 And coffee black and call a hack, and charge 
 
 it to the thirsty pack. 
 So young, so young, so young."
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 99 
 
 " If you talk all the time," remarked 
 Beatrice, gazing with her eyes wide open 
 at the strange creature by her side, " how 
 can I listen to the 
 beautiful play ? " 
 
 " Listen ? oh, lor ! " 
 said the strange, sad 
 voice. " Hear her! 
 Listen ? I shall die ; 
 I shall fade away; I 
 shall disintegrate. 
 Listen, oh, lor ! " 
 And the sad, elderly, 
 lone voice sprang up 
 on his chair and ex 
 ecuted a fierce, wild, 
 weird dance ; but alas! 
 having touched some 
 hidden spring in the 
 mechanism of the 
 seat, it suddenly col 
 lapsed, and enclosed the fallen lone one 
 in its treacherous grasp. Beatrice and 
 Jessie flew to his assistance. 
 
 " Leave me," gasped the sad, lone voice ;
 
 IOO BLOWA T AWAY. 
 
 " this torture is preferable to listening ; 
 leave me, and let my bleached and man 
 gled bones be found " But Beatrice 
 and Jessie would hear no more, and 
 dragged the old gentleman from his per 
 ilous situation. 
 
 "Once upon a time," said he, "when 
 I was a little thing like you, a head 
 of lettuce, a sprout, a bud, I did lis 
 ten, but now, oh, children, is it in 
 your tender hearts to scoff at my gray 
 hairs?" 
 
 A heavy flood of tears choked his utter 
 ance, and flowed from the strange one s 
 eyes. Taking off his watch and chain, 
 removing his boots, his hat, his coat, and 
 waistcoat, he carefully enclosed them in 
 a neat brown paper parcel, which he 
 despatched by a messenger boy to his 
 home ; then raising his sweet voice, he 
 sang: 
 
 " Once upon an evening dreary, when I felt a 
 
 little queerly, 
 
 Over many a quaint and curious vintage of 
 my precious store,
 
 BLOWN AWAY. IOI 
 
 While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly 
 
 there came a tapping, 
 As of some one gently rapping, rapping at 
 
 my chamber door. 
 Tis the janitor, I muttered, tapping at my 
 
 chamber door. 
 
 Only it, and nothing more. 
 
 Indistinctly I remember it was in the bleak 
 
 December, 
 And some moons were casting shadows round 
 
 about the swaying floor 
 As I waited for the morrow with a sort of 
 
 sick ning horror, 
 For in vain I d sought to borrow, borrow just 
 
 a trifle more 
 From that rare and radiant angel whom we 
 
 mortals call Old Claw, 
 
 Only that, and nothing more. 
 
 1 Then again there fell a tapping, and a louder, 
 
 louder rapping, 
 And at last a cannonading and bombarding of 
 
 the door, 
 Till I threw my gown around me, and I 
 
 asked what may that sound be ?
 
 IO2 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 It has a voice familiar which I think I ve 
 
 heard before. 
 And raging at the shadows, I anath matized 
 
 Old Claw ! 
 
 Only that, and plenty more. 
 
 " It was vain to seek to slumber or to shake 
 
 off care and cumber 
 While the enemy was peering through the 
 
 crevice of my door, 
 So on tiptoe I stole slyly, and I squirted 
 
 some ink spryly 
 Through the keyhole in the eyehole of the 
 
 phantom at my door ; 
 And the voice that swiftly sounded had a 
 
 baleful, hateful roar, 
 
 And, I greatly fear, it swore. 
 
 " Now the shadows they moved faster as I 
 
 danced and pranced with laughter 
 At the picture I created in my fancy at the 
 
 door ; 
 And, with mockish rev rence bowing to the 
 
 wind that flowed in soughing, 
 I bent my body double as I opened wide the 
 door,
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 1 03 
 
 As I stood aside to welcome at my chamber 
 drear Old Claw, 
 
 Only he, and what he wore. 
 
 ; He popped in, and he hopped in, and he 
 spluttered and he stuttered, 
 
 And the darkness of his figure seemed e en 
 blacker than before ; 
 
 And he mumbled, and he grumbled, and then 
 he deftly tumbled 
 
 In a chair that I had placed with grave in 
 tention on the floor ; 
 
 And this article of comfort lacked a claw and 
 nothing more, 
 
 Only this, and nothing more. 
 
 Then hideous rose the laughter, and it shook 
 
 the roof and rafter, 
 As the moonlight bathed the figure sprawling 
 
 prone upon the floor. 
 There it squirmed in curious fashion like a 
 
 crawfish in a passion, 
 Moving hither, thither, thither, hither, with 
 
 its tentacles galore ; 
 And in vain I sought to flee them, but they 
 
 sprang out more and more, 
 
 And they seemed to be fourscore.
 
 IO4 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " Now my joy was turned to sighing, and I 
 well-nigh came to crying, 
 
 For, exhausted, it had chased me to a cup 
 board by the door, 
 
 And the hideous thing was crawling, and its 
 sightless suckers mawling 
 
 All my Lares and Penates, yea, the dearest 
 of my store ; 
 
 For each hairy creeper ended in a vicious 
 beaklike paw, 
 
 Something kin to hand and claw. 
 
 " All around the chamber ranging, it was 
 
 changing, changing, changing, 
 Now to this thing, then to that thing, each 
 
 more dreadful than before. 
 Here a child s face sweetly hideous, there a 
 
 woman s smile insidious, 
 With a jaded, faded beauty, ah ! most pite- 
 
 ously forlore ! 
 Then a thousand pleading faces, ever more 
 
 and more and more. 
 
 More and more for ever more. 
 
 
 
 " Yet, with one hand, groping blindly, I now 
 sought to pat it kindly,
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 105 
 
 For my folly was egregious, but imagine 
 what I saw : 
 
 To placate it, or to sate it, or to excom 
 municate it, 
 
 I would gladly pledge my honor, which is 
 worth a moidore, 
 
 Or in any way to force it to the outside of 
 my door, 
 
 Where I much prefer a bore. 
 
 " Since I failed with my caresses, I bethought 
 me of addresses, 
 
 And with eloquence impassioned I uprose to 
 take the floor ; 
 
 And my nice articulation with my best gesti 
 culation 
 
 I conjoined in an oration I proceeded to out 
 pour, 
 
 And the Octopus retreated and said, plead 
 ingly, No more, - 
 
 Only this, and nothing more. 
 
 " Still he boiled and coiled and fluttered, and 
 
 he lived and thrived and uttered, 
 And I suddenly bethought me of the many 
 songs of yore,
 
 IO6 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 And that if I sang them quaintly, how soon 
 
 he would a saint be 
 Whose iniquities were squirming in that mass 
 
 upon the floor ; 
 And I sang, and sang them blithely, till he 
 
 writhed and cried, No more, - 
 Only that and nothing more. 
 
 " Though his grasp was now much lighter, still 
 I feared it might grow tighter 
 
 On the many things of value that I treasured 
 in my store. 
 
 I perceived that he was numbing, though 
 whenever I ceased humming 
 
 He at once did look about him with the wis 
 dom of before, 
 
 And I then determined briefly he must die 
 for ever more, 
 
 Yes for ever, ever more. 
 
 " Now, because I am a sinner, I had once been 
 
 asked to dinner 
 By a gen ral who was Rated, sar, some time 
 
 befaw de war. 
 I bethought me of his story, that was flaccid, 
 
 stale, and hoary,
 
 BLOWN AWAY. IO/ 
 
 Which the Octopus for sartain, sar, had never 
 
 heard befaw, 
 And I told de gen ral s story of de time befaw 
 
 de war. 
 
 And I told it ever more. 
 
 " Yes, for ever, ever more, yes, for ever, ever, 
 ever, ever, ever, ever more." 
 
 " Will you be quiet ! " said Beatrice. 
 " Never," answered the sad, lone voice, 
 and carolled : 
 
 " Oh, curse not the Bard if he fly to the Jayers, 
 Where Blower lies, carelessly sneering at 
 
 Fame, 
 He belongs to the worthy communion of 
 
 Stayers, 
 And cannot break off at this stage of the 
 
 game. 
 
 "The tongue that now oscillates loose in the 
 liar, 
 
 Must have swept a proud thrill thro the re 
 gions of Art 
 
 And the lip that now echoes the song of the 
 mire, 
 
 Might have hallowed his name in a parent s 
 fond heart."
 
 IO8 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " Oh, do keep still," implored Beatrice, 
 diving deep down into her pocket, and extri 
 cating from its meshes a chocolate cara 
 mel, misshapen perhaps, and covered with 
 a fuzzy growth, but still a caramel. " Take 
 that, do," said the sweet girl, as the sad, 
 lone voice manifested some reluctance to 
 rob her of her treasure. " Do, I m sure 
 you ll feel better, I always do." 
 
 The sad, lone voice accepted the cara 
 mel, popped it into his mouth, and under 
 its soothing influence sank into a deep 
 and refreshing slumber. 
 
 " I should like," remarked the lion, who 
 had in the meanwhile appeared upon the 
 stage in an Elizabethan costume, " I 
 should like to have the lights turned on 
 a little higher." 
 
 "The gas bill is too high," said Mrs. 
 Piggy Wiggy from the wings ; " and more 
 over, this scene is played by moonlight to 
 save the candles." 
 
 " That doesn t affect me," said the lion. 
 " The moon is shining on my back, and the 
 audience must see the expression of my
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 ICQ 
 
 face. I m going to show them a new 
 expression presently." 
 
 " Very well," said the prompter ; " but 
 you ll spoil the moon." 
 
 " If you do," said the elephant, " I ll take 
 the moon away." 
 
 " All right," replied the 
 lion. " I can do with 
 out it. What s the 
 use of moons and 
 things ? I can do 
 without them; I can 
 do without anything. 
 Expression s what 
 you want ! 
 
 The audience gave 
 three cheers, and the 
 play progressed. 
 
 " I hope you all understand," 
 said the lion, " that I am the villain of 
 the play. Not because I am naturally 
 cruel or vicious, but because it s the best 
 part in the piece, and affords me greater 
 opportunities to divulge my powers. I m 
 really very gentle and kind-hearted, and
 
 IIO BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 you ought to admire me very much for 
 appearing to be so bad. With these few 
 words of explanation, I shall proceed, and 
 I trust I shall not be interrupted again. 
 Where is the lamb ? " 
 
 " Here," bleated the lamb. 
 
 " Very well," said the lion ; " don t paint 
 your face too heavily, and have your hair 
 cut." 
 
 " I can t play tragedy without long wool," 
 complained the lamb. 
 
 " You can shave and wear a wig," de 
 cided the lion. 
 
 " Silence! silence ! " echoed the monkey. 
 " Silence in the gallery, or I ll come up 
 stairs and crack some nuts." 
 
 All the little boys in the gallery hung 
 breathless over the railing as the lion took 
 the centre of the stage and declaimed * 
 
 " In yonder glade, 
 Beneath the shade, 
 Where ne er a spade 
 Has turned a blade, 
 A winsome maid, 
 Of lofty grade,
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 Ill 
 
 As tall and staid 
 
 As e er was made, 
 
 Is but a jade, 
 
 With garments frayed, 
 And bills unpaid. 
 She ll fail and fade, 
 Unless arrayed. 
 Therefore, some knight, 
 A lucky wight 
 With coin bright, 
 Must win the fight. 
 And win he will 
 Who pays the bill, 
 And I will pay that bill 
 
 to-day. 
 
 Oh, I, her suitor, 
 I hope I ll suit her, 
 
 " You re gagging," 
 said the prompter. 
 
 " Yes," said the 
 author, from an upper box, "don t take 
 liberties with my text." 
 
 " I shall ! " roared the lion. " Give me 
 liberty, or give me death ! " 
 
 The sad, lone voice moved uneasily in 
 his seat, and murmured in his sleep.
 
 112 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " That was a long speech," remarked 
 the King of Jumbles. 
 
 " If you don t like it," said the lion, 
 " you can have your money back ; but 
 you ve no right to disturb the people who 
 are asleep." 
 
 " Well, I ll try it a little longer," said 
 the King. 
 
 "Just what I m going to do," said the 
 lion, as he continued : 
 
 " A vicious bear 
 In yonder lair 
 Hath laid a snare 
 For her so fair. 
 That bear I dare 
 To touch a hair 
 
 " Here the bear should interrupt me 
 with a hideous growl ! " 
 
 " I did," expostulated the bear. 
 
 " I didn t hear you," said the lion. 
 
 " Very well," acquiesced the bear, " I ll 
 do it again : Er-r-r-r 
 
 " A little more emphasis, please," said 
 the lion. 
 
 " Er-r-r-r-r," growled the bear.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 113 
 
 " I don t think your elocution is good," 
 remarked the lion, "but let that pass, 
 where was I ? " 
 
 "Just after the growl, please," replied 
 the prompter. 
 
 " Ah, yes," said the lion, lighting a 
 cigarette : 
 
 " I hear his roar, 
 But ere his jaw 
 Can yawn once more, 
 His blood shall pour 
 Upon the floor 
 Upon the floor 
 Upon the floor 
 
 " How many times," asked the lion, 
 sitting down, " how many times am I to 
 say upon the floor ? That s your cue, 
 and you ought to spring upon me from 
 behind that lamp-post." 
 
 " I beg your pardon," said the bear, 
 " but I was playing penny-ante with the 
 tom-cat ; where were you ? " 
 
 " Upon the floor," said the lion. 
 
 " I know," said the bear, " but where 
 were you ? "
 
 I 1 4 BLOWN A WA Y. 
 
 " Upon the floor," said the lion. 
 
 " Yes, yes," said the bear, " but where " 
 
 " It s the cue," said the prompter ; " up 
 on the floor." 
 
 " Oh," said the bear, " I see, now I 
 jump." And the bear jumped. 
 
 " Don t jump in front of me," said the 
 lion ; " they can t see me." 
 
 " I beg your pardon," meekly replied 
 the bear. " I was carried away by my 
 part." 
 
 " Don t let it carry you in front of me 
 again," answered the lion. 
 
 " What, ho ! I fear 
 This villain here ! 
 This loathsome beast ! " 
 
 roared the bear. 
 
 " Stop ! " said the lion, " you interpolated 
 that last line ! " 
 
 " How s that, prompter ? " appealed the 
 bear. 
 
 " He s gone out to luncheon," said the 
 call boy. 
 
 " If we can t have fair play," said the
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 lion, "it s no use playing, it isn t ar 
 tistic ! " 
 
 " Bah ! " said the bear. 
 
 " Boo ! " said the lion. 
 
 " I ll have no quarrelling," said Noah. 
 
 " My hated rival " (said the lion), " I will away ! 
 To-morrow you shall die at break of day. 
 The time has come when you shall cease to 
 
 scoff ; 
 I ll wed the maid you love, ha, ha, and off." 
 
 " Ha, ha, and off, " said the prompter, 
 " is only a stage direction. You shouldn t 
 have said it." 
 
 " It doesn t say so," said the lion. 
 
 " But you did," replied the prompter. 
 
 " I said so," said the lion, " and I can t 
 play any more. I ve just received a letter 
 from my mother, and she s not feeling 
 well, and she wishes me to return home ; 
 therefore, you ll have to excuse me." 
 
 " Very well," said the prompter. 
 
 " Ah, you are there," said Miss Tabby, 
 who was dressed in a divided skirt, be 
 cause she had given half of it to her sister.
 
 I 1 6 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " Ah, you are there, my dearest, dearest surr ; 
 Ah, let me perch upon your knee and purr ; 
 Ah, let me stroke your whiskers with my 
 
 cheek ; 
 
 Ah, let me squat upon my knees and squeak ; 
 Ah, let me sigh and simper, droop my head, 
 And throw myself in tears upon my bed ; 
 Ah, let me coax and cozzen, kiss and tease ; 
 Or anything you please to please to please." 
 
 " I do not understand the plot," said 
 the King of Jumbles. 
 
 " There isn t any," said Mrs. Piggy 
 Wiggy ; " there isn t any, and you mustn t 
 interrupt it, we don t want plots. You ve 
 received a souvenir programme, haven t 
 you ? " 
 
 " Yes," said the King. 
 
 "Well, that s all," said Mrs. Piggy 
 Wiggy. 
 
 " Is it over ? " asked the sad, lone voice, 
 waking up with a start. "Is it ? Thank 
 goodness gracious I have done my duty 
 and I may depart, I have been here and 
 I may go. I have seen nothing and heard 
 nothing, and it is over. Shut your eyes
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 and you will see what I see ; open them 
 and you will see nothing. Woe, woe, 
 ha, ha ! " And gradually, before the very 
 eyes of Beatrice and Jessie, this strange 
 being dissolved into tears ; a tiny rivulet 
 flowing swiftly up the centre aisle was all 
 their astonished gaze beheld. Yet even as 
 the stream rippled over the floor its fleeting 
 spirit murmured, " Woe, woe, ha, ha ! " 
 and the very benches reechoed on either 
 hand, " Woe, woe, ha, ha ! " 
 
 " It is time," said Noah, taking a birch 
 rod out of his pocket, " to go to school." 
 
 " Everybody must stand up when I 
 come in," said the schoolmaster. " Any 
 body who s brought me something may go 
 up top ; all the boys and girls who haven t 
 brought me anything, may go down bot 
 tom." 
 
 " Please, sir," said the lean boy, " the fat 
 boy is stealing my apples." 
 
 " Very well," said the schoolmaster, 
 " since you have been foolish enough to 
 lose your apples, you can t have them, and 
 since the fat boy has acquired them dis-
 
 Il8 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 honestly, he can t enjoy them. Lay them 
 on my desk. It is an ill wind," moralized 
 the schoolmaster, " that blows nobody 
 anything. I will ask the fat boy to re 
 cite a poem, and he must stand on the 
 form." 
 
 The fat boy wept. 
 
 " Dry your tears," said the schoolmas 
 ter ; " it s only a matter of form." 
 
 The fat boy climbed on to the bench, 
 and having withdrawn his fists from his 
 pockets and squeezed them into his eyes, 
 extended his mouth to its utmost and re 
 cited with much feeling the following sim 
 ple lines : 
 
 " Maid of Fashions, ere I start, 
 Give, oh, give me back my tart ; 
 Or, since that is in your chest, 
 Keep it now, and take my vest ; 
 You re my Annie, I m your Joe, 
 Zoedone. Sapolio." 
 
 " Where is Greece ? " said the school 
 master. 
 
 " On my pinafore," said the pale girl.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 1 19 
 
 " Does anybody here know anything ? " 
 inquired the schoolmaster. 
 
 " No ! " replied all the boys and girls in 
 unison. 
 
 " Very well," said the schoolmaster, 
 " that is why I am here ; that is what I 
 am paid for. If I told you anything 
 you d know it, and then I d have to 
 leave. What s the capital of England ? " 
 
 " Money," said Beatrice. 
 
 " Right ! " said the schoolmaster, " but 
 you shouldn t have said so ; it s silly to 
 give it away. Who has a clean pocket- 
 handkerchief ? " 
 
 " Nobody," said everybody. 
 
 " I m sorry," reflected the schoolmaster, 
 with a sigh ; " I was going to beat the 
 boy with a clean pocket-handkerchief, 
 and I am sadly in need of exercise. 
 The thin girl may recite while I take a 
 nap." 
 
 The thin girl rose and rose and rose 
 until she reached the ceiling, and recited 
 to the harmonious accompaniment of an 
 accordion played by the fat boy:
 
 120 
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " O Jimmy boy, why kiss a toy, 
 When Polly sits a-weeping ? 
 And all about a Jimmy lout, 
 Be up, for time is fleeting ! 
 If eyes are red and lips do pout, 
 You ought to cure the sorrow ; 
 Do you believe that she will 
 
 grieve, 
 
 My lad, for you, to-morrow ? 
 Ah, never let a tear-drop fall 
 That Jimmy does not treasure, 
 So foil de roll and dance with 
 
 Poll, - 
 She says she will, with pleasure."
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 121 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie concluded that this 
 was an amiable invitation to leave the 
 schoolroom, and donning their waterproofs, 
 as it was raining, and carefully strapping 
 their lunch tins over their shoulders, and 
 with still greater care hiding their school- 
 books where they would never find them 
 again, they hastened out of the schoolhouse. 
 
 A wild burst of alarm startled the wel 
 kin as the two children realized that dur 
 ing their foolish absence in the Ark the 
 water had risen mountain hi^h all around 
 
 O 
 
 them, and that unless some steamer or 
 sailing vessel came without delay to their 
 rescue, they would immediately be drowned. 
 For days they strained their eyes until 
 they were nearly broken, searching the 
 scorched horizon for a vessel. There was 
 water, water everywhere, but they didn t 
 care to drink it. Hunger visited them, 
 but they said they were out. Sleep re 
 fused to close their weary eyelids, and 
 their chilled limbs turned different colors, 
 which was the only kaleidoscopic enter 
 tainment they enjoyed.
 
 122 
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 At last, one day Jessie turned red, 
 white, and blue. 
 
 " A flag ! a flag ! " cried Beatrice. " A 
 British ship. Sail, ho ! sail, ho ! " and sank 
 back, exhausted, on the raft. 
 
 The ship hove in sight 
 upon the offing, 
 in the very nick 
 of time. One 
 moment more 
 and all would 
 
 - have been over, 
 
 and this stirring 
 narrative ended. Beatrice 
 and Jessie had opened 
 their last box of sardines 
 and drank their 
 ^ xrW last bottle of 
 warm milk. 
 Nothing now remained but some jars of 
 Boston baked beans. 
 
 Nearer and nearer approached the ship. 
 Would she see them, and if so, how ? Was 
 there a watch on the forecastle, and, if so, 
 was it going ?
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 The approaching vessel suddenly sighted 
 them, and recklessly throwing its head up 
 into the wind, she lay rocking gently, as if 
 at anchor, whilst the captain, who was sit 
 ting in the crow s nest, sang a lullaby. 
 
 A boat was lowered from the davits and 
 rowed towards them, but the tension had 
 been too great ; hope had been deferred 
 too long ; with a little gasp, they fell back, 
 inanimate, upon the floe of ice that had 
 carried them thus far. 
 
 It was years when they awoke. It 
 seemed but a day, an hour. With 
 difficulty they gathered their scattered 
 senses. Where, where were they ? The 
 creaking of timbers, the groans of the cord 
 age, the green swirl of the waters against 
 the small round port over their berth, 
 and the horrible truth dawned upon them ; 
 and by some mutual impulse, indefinable, 
 but none the less irresistible, they cried, 
 " Steward ! steward ! " 
 
 How long they might have remained 
 in this situation, it is impossible to say.
 
 124 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 They might have been there still, had not 
 the steamer by some curious chance ar 
 rived somewhere. 
 
 " Where are we ? " said Beatrice and 
 Jessie to the captain. 
 
 As the captain does not concern us, 
 and will play no important part in this 
 narrative, it will perhaps be as well to 
 waste a few moments upon the description 
 of a man who cannot possibly interest us. 
 The captain was perhaps rather under 
 than over-sized, although his great breadth 
 of girth, combined with an unusual pro 
 tuberance, imparted more the appearance 
 of obesity than of strength. His lower 
 limbs, in direct contrast to his upper spars, 
 were chiselled down to mere shavings, 
 whilst his features were so beaten and 
 battered by wind and storm as to be un 
 recognizable. Upon his bald head, and 
 in order to afford it that protection which 
 nature had denied it, he wore a night 
 cap ; and one arm hung limp in its sleeve, 
 it having been lost in a battle with the 
 Turks, and to the elbow was attached an
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 12$ 
 
 iron hook, with which the captain could 
 read, write, and arithmetic. By common 
 consent, any reference on board ship to 
 the painful occasion upon which the cap 
 tain s arm took its hook was avoided. 
 Such was the captain of the Corsair, a 
 ninety-nine hundred gun frigate of the 
 fifth form or class. 
 
 But we have wandered from our tale. 
 When Beatrice and Jessie asked the cap 
 tain where they were, he opened his mouth 
 and shivered. 
 
 " Are you cold ? " asked Beatrice. 
 
 " Silly," said the captain, " did you never 
 hear that I am compelled to shiver my 
 timbers before I can answer any ques 
 tion ? But let that pass." The captain 
 rolled a quid of tobacco in his mouth, 
 and cast his eye to windward. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie expostulated, but 
 the deed was done. 
 
 " We are," said the captain, " on the 
 Spanish main, where rich treasure-ships 
 are far more plentiful than apples or 
 oranges."
 
 126 BLOWN A WA Y. 
 
 At this moment, the lookout reported a 
 strange sail to leeward. 
 
 " The fact that we are raising that ship, 
 hand over hand, and that we sail two feet 
 to her one, proves conclusively that we 
 are the faster of the two." 
 
 It was with such reasonings as these 
 that the captain maintained the discipline 
 of his crew, and retained the respect, 
 nay, the reverence of his men. 
 
 " Look out below," cried the captain. 
 
 " Aye, aye, sir," answered the cabin boy. 
 
 " How many bells is it ? " 
 
 " Ten, sir," said the cabin boy. 
 
 " Deduct two," said the captain, " and 
 pipe all hands to dinner." 
 
 " Deduct one more," said the first luff, 
 " and we ll take a drink." 
 
 The captain, who was a person of an 
 amiable disposition, assented ; the boat 
 swain struck seven bells, and all hands 
 having gone below, soon no sound, other 
 than the agreeable gurgle of liquids in 
 transmission, disturbed the soporific still 
 ness of the summer air.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. I2/ 
 
 " Have you ever been engaged ? " said 
 the powder-monkey to Beatrice. 
 
 " Never," answered Beatrice, indignantly. 
 (Five of her blown-away sisters had been 
 engaged to the same boy, and the question 
 awakened painful memories.) 
 
 "Well, then, you re likely to be," said 
 the powder-monkey. " That Spanish Don 
 is an enemy of mine, and we re going to 
 have a battle." 
 
 " I don t see how that concerns me," 
 answered Beatrice. 
 
 " Oh, don t you ? " said the powder- 
 monkey. " You ll see pretty soon, when 
 yonder Don runs athwart your hawse, and 
 fires a broadside into your bread-locker." 
 
 No doubt the powder-monkey would 
 have continued in this strain for some 
 time, had not the admiral of the fleet 
 signalled to the Corsair for the powder- 
 monkey to go below and stop talking, as 
 the admiral wished to have a nap previous 
 to inditing a poem before the battle. 
 
 The powder-monkey stole carefully for 
 ward, and having stealthily raised his nose
 
 128 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 above the rim of the bulwark, he lifted the 
 thumb of his right hand with great pre 
 cision to that feature, and signalled the 
 admiral his passive and polite acquies 
 cence. He then threw off his coat, kicked 
 off his boots, and dived below. This 
 manoeuvre was not executed a moment 
 too soon, for barely had he disappeared 
 before a round shot, whistling through 
 the rigging, took off the very place where 
 his head would have been. A jeering 
 laugh resounded from the hold. 
 
 The deck steward brought Beatrice and 
 Jessie a couple of deck chairs and two 
 basins of beef tea. Also, two agreeable 
 young men wrapped their little feet up in 
 nice warm rugs. 
 
 " Is there any danger?" asked Jessie. 
 
 " None whatever," replied the surgeon, 
 " and if there were, you shouldn t mind it, 
 when I am here ; " whereupon the surgeon 
 placed on the deck a pot of hot glue, a 
 bottle of mucilage, a chisel, some nails, 
 a hammer, and four packages of court- 
 plaster.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. I 29 
 
 Beatrice shuddered at the sight of 4hese 
 ominous and telltale preparations, and 
 would no doubt have sought refuge in 
 her cabin, had not rapidly succeeding 
 events pursued each other so swiftly as 
 to draw her attention in another direc 
 tion, and thereby divert her thoughts else 
 where. 
 
 Whilst these circumstances had trans 
 pired, the ships had rapidly neared each 
 other ; the port-holes had been thrown 
 wide open, and the guns cleared for ac 
 tion. The decks, also, had been greased 
 with vaseline, in order to make the move 
 ment of the belligerent crews as rapid as 
 possible. 
 
 The donkey in the donkey engine, util 
 ized to turn the great swivel gun, had 
 gotten up all steam, and was braying vig 
 orously, whilst the Highlanders on their 
 bagpipes with strident note were calling 
 the horse-marines to their stations. All 
 was pandemonium and excitement. Every 
 thing presaged a long and bloodthirsty 
 conflict. A crisp breeze was blowing
 
 130 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 and whitening the crests of the waves, 
 whilst the dark blue of the ocean, re 
 flecting as it did the azure of the sky, 
 composed a stirring picture of nature s 
 moving energy and man s ceaseless en 
 terprise, together with the music of the 
 bagpipes and the incessant braying of 
 the ass. 
 
 At this instant, one gun fired by the 
 British flag-ship called all hands to atten 
 tion, and a large white flag or tablecloth 
 was descried to unfurl itself at her main 
 royal masthead. At the same time, the 
 Admiral himself, attired in full evening 
 dress, was seen to be standing on the 
 poop or quarter-deck upon a raised plat 
 form, consisting of two barrels crossed by 
 a plank. 
 
 The agility with which this celebrated 
 naval commander balanced himself, with 
 the assistance of a pole, upon this frail 
 bridge, had gained for him a world-wide 
 renown. And now as the two navies, 
 drawn up as they were in battle array, 
 beheld this famed warrior in the very
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 performance of the dauntless feat which 
 had won for him the esteem of every 
 sailor in the world, not only the navy 
 which he led, but the entire complement 
 of the opposing fleet, resounded with an 
 ecstacy of prolonged cheering. 
 
 But this exhibition of 
 prowess was to be 
 succeeded by an 
 even more com 
 prehensive display 
 of nautical effi 
 ciency. Again the 
 gun boomed, and 
 
 it was perceived 
 that the British 
 Admiral was hold 
 ing in one hand a 
 document, whilst 
 the other con 
 tained, in place of the balancing pole, a 
 long speaking-trumpet, with which, whilst 
 he failed not to preserve his equilibrium, 
 he delivered the following moving hymn 
 before the battle :
 
 132 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " I am monarch of all I survey, 
 My attitude none can dispute ! 
 Tho my centre of gravity may, 
 It cannot upset my repute. 
 
 " By this petrified pose which I boast 
 
 That no nation can rob of its calm, 
 Tho the sea may be storming its most, 
 I m impervious to any alarm ! 
 
 " Tis this wonderful stoical face 
 
 That never betrays an emotion, 
 This marvellous, inanimate grace, 
 
 That crowns me the King of the Ocean ! 
 
 " I m out of humanity s reach, 
 
 It may canter or gallop or waddle ; 
 I ve not as much vim as a leech, 
 
 And my face is as void as my noddle. 
 
 " I m an Englishman, proud of my race ; 
 
 I boast of my lack of emotion, - 
 It s this wonderful, stoical face 
 
 That crowns me the King of the Ocean ! 
 
 " You may fire your guns if you will, 
 
 You may pelt with torpedoes and shot, 
 My nose remains perfectly still, 
 It is not to be stirred from the spot.
 
 BLOWA r AWAY. 133 
 
 " Tis true I may wax somewhat pale, 
 Yet I ll vow by my British repose, 
 Tho my centre of gravity fail, 
 
 No ! you cannot disturb my old nose. 
 
 "I m an Englishman, proud of my race ; 
 I m proud of my lack of emotion, 
 It s my wonderful stoical face 
 
 That crowns me the King of the Ocean ! " 
 
 Barely had these thrilling words been 
 uttered, than the boys on the Spanish 
 Armada, swarming up the yards, opened 
 a well-directed fire on the Admiral with 
 their pea-shooters. Although the shot fell 
 like hail about him, and the noise made 
 by the pellets striking his chest was not 
 unlike the sound of rain upon a tin roof, 
 the Admiral retained his immovable and 
 dignified posture. The only notice indeed 
 that he vouchsafed the storm of bullets 
 was to open his umbrella and sit down 
 on the deck beneath its cool and pro 
 tecting shade. 
 
 It is impossible to describe the anguish 
 which Beatrice and Jessie now suffered.
 
 134 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 The entire Spanish Armada had advanced 
 to the attack. The air was thick with 
 missiles of every description. Bricks, 
 boots, and invectives volleyed and thun 
 dered. Beatrice and Jessie choking down 
 the screams which rose involuntarily to 
 their lips, hastily tied red crosses on their 
 arms, and tenderly nursed the wounded. 
 
 The Spanish Admiral had formed his 
 fleet into a corkscrew, and was trying to 
 draw the English ships. Again and again 
 he exerted all his strength. In vain. The 
 British stuck to their bottles. 
 
 It was now evident that if anything was 
 to be accomplished, something must be 
 done. Hoisting a flag of truce, the Span 
 ish withdrew for a consultation. 
 
 The English were permitted to catch 
 their breath. But their exertions had 
 been so tremendous that they sank to a 
 man upon the decks of their vessels, and 
 stared with meaningless and bloodshot 
 eyes before them, whilst their lips mum 
 bled rambling and senseless words. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie carried water to the
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 135 
 
 poor sailors, and tried to persuade them 
 to drink it, but failed. A dense fog caused 
 by the discussion in the air now envel 
 oped the combatants in its grateful folds, 
 and obscured them from each other, an 
 event which was taken full advantage of 
 
 O 
 
 by both fleets ; for when the mist rolled 
 away and the moon illuminated the scene, 
 neither fleet was in sight. 
 
 It was with deep regret that Beatrice 
 and Jessie parted from the many friends 
 they had acquired during their passage, 
 and they cordially invited the captain to 
 come and see them as soon as they knew 
 where they were to live. 
 
 After landing, Beatrice and Jessie wan 
 dered towards a beautiful park, the gates 
 of which stood invitingly open. Their 
 little dog gamboled merrily before them, 
 and its joyous barks and wagging tail 
 expressed louder than words the happi 
 ness he anticipated. 
 
 " Leave the dog outside," said the po 
 liceman. 
 
 " He is outside," answered Beatrice and
 
 136 fLOWN AWAY. 
 
 Jessie, "we didn t like to leave the poor 
 dear little love at home." 
 
 " He can t go into the park," said the 
 policeman. 
 
 " Why ? " asked Beatrice and Jessie. 
 
 " He d eat the grass," replied the police 
 man. " Leave him with me, and I ll give 
 you a check." 
 
 " For how much ? " asked Jessie. 
 
 " For the dog," said the policeman. 
 
 The children had to leave their pet 
 in the care of the policeman, who gave 
 them a brass check with a number on 
 it, and they walked into the park. Being 
 fatigued they sat down on the grass under 
 a tree. 
 
 " Get up ! " said the policeman. 
 
 " Why ? " said Beatrice and Jessie. 
 
 " You re spoiling the grass." 
 
 " Can t we sit on the grass ? " 
 
 " No," said the policeman. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie were walking away, 
 when the policeman stopped them. 
 
 " You can t walk over the grass," he 
 said.
 
 " I M DIFFERENT, SAID THE POLICEMAN.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 139 
 
 " How are we to reach the path ? " they 
 asked. 
 
 " I ll carry you," said the policeman. 
 " If you walked over the grass it would 
 never grow again." 
 
 " But you are walking on it," they ex 
 claimed. 
 
 " I m different," said the policeman ; 
 and tucking them under his arms, he car 
 ried them to the nearest gravel path. 
 
 " This is very tiresome," said Beatrice. 
 " I think I ll pick some flowers and make 
 a wreath." 
 
 " If you pick any flowers," said the po 
 liceman, " I ll have to lock you up." 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie began to cry. 
 
 " Don t cry in the park," said the police 
 man. " If you want to cry, you must go 
 outside." 
 
 " Then I ll ride on a bicycle," said Bea 
 trice. "I must do something." 
 
 " Very well," said the policeman. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie mounted two bi 
 cycles, and were just about to start off 
 when a large cart dumped a hill of gravel
 
 140 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 right in front of them and they fell off 
 their wheels. Beatrice and Jessie were so 
 disgusted that they stood quite still in the 
 middle of the path with their thumbs in 
 their mouths. 
 
 " Move on ! " said the policeman. " You 
 mustn t stand still in the park." 
 
 " Oh, dear ! oh, dear ! " said Beatrice, 
 " what can we do ? " 
 
 " Why don t you fly ? " said the robin. 
 
 " We can t," answered Beatrice. 
 
 " Oh, yes, you can," replied the robin. 
 " You only think you can t because you ve 
 never tried. What you lack is confidence. 
 If you believe you can fly, you can fly. 
 You ought to be ashamed of yourselves ! 
 Great girls like you to be outdone by a 
 little robin ! W T hy, even flies fly ! " 
 
 " You mustn t fly in the park ! " said the 
 policeman. 
 
 But Beatrice and Jessie, fired by the 
 example set them by the worthy robin, 
 and no doubt excited by the tyranny of 
 the policeman, rose in the air and flew out 
 of sight.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 141 
 
 " They re flying - machines," said the 
 policeman, as he sat down to whittle a 
 stick. " I m sorry I spoke to them, I 
 thought they were girls." 
 
 All the birds were extremely polite to 
 Beatrice and Jessie, and they soon discov 
 ered that they had acted wisely in entrust 
 ing themselves to the care of the robin, 
 who seemed to stand very high in the 
 estimation of his brother birds. 
 
 " If you don t mind," said the robin, 
 " the rooks are giving a big party this 
 afternoon, and we will go there." 
 
 il With pleasure," said Beatrice and 
 Jessie. 
 
 When they arrived at the Rookery, they 
 found the mansion crowded to suffoca 
 tion. 
 
 " Dear ! dear ! " said the robin, as he 
 squeezed his way through the door, fol 
 lowed by the girls, " this is certainly a 
 crush." 
 
 " Where s the hostess ? " asked Beatrice. 
 
 " Oh, that doesn t matter," said the 
 robin, " she s somewhere, perhaps on the
 
 142 BLOWN AlVAY. 
 
 roof. You ll have to climb the stairs if 
 you want to speak to her. But first we d 
 better fight for something to eat." 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie were fighting girls 
 and assented gladly. Robin layed vigor 
 ously about him with fists and beak, while 
 Beatrice and Jessie kicked and scratched 
 and bit until they reached a long table 
 behind which a number of birds in black 
 and white liveries were dealing out food 
 and drink just as fast as they could ; and 
 the children noticed that the perspiration 
 was streaming from their faces. 
 
 " Grab all you can," said the robin. 
 
 Beatrice snatched a handful of ice 
 cream, whilst Jessie packed her apron 
 with apricot jelly. 
 
 " Come along," said the robin, who had 
 tucked his pockets full of everything he 
 could lay his hands on. " Come along, 
 and we ll eat it." But alas ! there is many 
 a slip. Some late arrivals attacked them 
 with so much vehemence that in a little 
 while they had been robbed of all their 
 hard won refreshments.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 143 
 
 " It s no good crying over spilt milk," 
 said the robin. " Pin yourselves together 
 again and I ll present you to Mrs. Rook." 
 
 After a struggle through the crowd they 
 found Mrs. Rook at the head of the stair 
 case ; she had one arm in a sling and the 
 other was fast becoming useless. But she 
 shook hands with Beatrice and Jessie, and 
 hoped they were enjoying themselves. 
 Behind the hostess a little cock sparrow 
 was playing on the piano, and further 
 away a small parrot was talking as fast 
 as he could for the amusement of the 
 crowd. A tall blackbird was also reciting 
 a poem. 
 
 " That s our great tragedian," said the 
 robin. " I know him, and if you like I ll 
 ask him to recite something for us." 
 
 " I don t like to trouble him," said Bea 
 trice. 
 
 " Oh, he likes it," said the robin ; " he 
 recites all the time, and he d be very un 
 happy if we didn t ask him. Moreover, 
 he ll have to recite for me, or I d write 
 things about him in my newspaper."
 
 144 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " Do you write newspapers ? " asked 
 Jessie. 
 
 " Yes," said the robin ; " I write news 
 papers and poetry and things. If you 
 like, I ll make the blackbird recite my 
 latest poem." 
 
 " Oh, do ! " said Beatrice. 
 
 When the blackbird saw the robin, he 
 wept for joy, and the robin himself was 
 so deeply affected that he mingled his 
 tears with those of the blackbird. 
 
 " Recite my poem," said the robin. The 
 blackbird wept again. " My latest," added 
 the robin. 
 
 " I know it ; I know it well," said 
 the blackbird, and wept. " It is a 
 touching poem, a beautiful and moving 
 song." 
 
 The robin flew swiftly among the crowd, 
 and hastily imparted the information that 
 the great blackbird was about to declaim 
 his poem. Instantly all was attention, 
 and every one talked as loud as he could. 
 The blackbird, advancing one leg and 
 throwing back the hair from his low brow,
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 145 
 
 announced " The Cuckoo Song, by my 
 lifelong friend, Mr. Robin : " 
 
 " The cuckoo does not earn his food ; 
 He s not industrious or good, 
 He waits till others build a cot, 
 And then he steals the house and lot ; 
 He does not make the beds or sweep ; 
 He does not go to mart, or keep 
 The little children clean for school, 
 Or scrub the floor or card the wool ; 
 He does not boil or fry or stew, 
 Oh, no, he simply sings Cuckoo. 
 But robins build their nests, and say : 
 We have no time to play to-day. 
 
 Mr. Blackbird paused. Taking off his 
 eye-glasses, and changing his voice to a 
 deep and hollow tone, he continued : 
 
 " The cuckoo goes to ball and rout ; 
 He s never in ; he s always out ; 
 And while he lives on cake and ale, 
 His little brothers pine and pale. 
 He plays at every club in town, 
 But will not buy his wife a gown !
 
 146 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 At parties he is full of grace, 
 
 And when at home he pulls a face, 
 
 You d think that he would smile there too ? 
 
 Oh, no! he simply sings Cuckoo. 
 
 But robins build their nests, and say : 
 
 We have no time to play to-day. 
 
 Mr. Blackbird replaced his glasses, and 
 permitted a playful smile to curl about 
 his lips, as he looked keenly about him : 
 
 " The cuckoo is a thievish bird, 
 As you have very often heard. 
 At afternoons, when weather s damp, 
 He always takes the newest gamp ; 
 He also steals your latest tale, 
 For which he ought to go to jail. 
 He does not wait on Ma and Jane, 
 And hand the salads and champagne, 
 Oh, no ! But I have seen him sneak 
 Enough cigars to last a week ; 
 And will he leave some smokes for you ? 
 Oh, no! he simply sings Cuckoo. 
 But robins build their nests, and say : 
 We have no time to play to-day. 
 
 Then, lapsing into a sentimental, nay, 
 somewhat mournful strain, the blackbird
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 147 
 
 fell gracefully into a chair, and, reclining 
 his head upon his hand, concluded : 
 
 " The cuckoo tells the widow lies, 
 And wins her simple sympathies, 
 And chooses all your busy hours 
 To sing her songs or bring her flowers ; 
 And when you reach her house for tea, 
 You find you ve lost her property. 
 But will the cuckoo seize her home, 
 And everything you thought your own ? 
 No, that he will not dare to do ! 
 Oh, yes, he simply sings Cuckoo. 
 But robins build their nests and say : 
 We have no time to play to-day. 
 
 " My dear, dear children ! " exclaimed 
 some one close to Beatrice and Jessie, 
 " Don t you know me ? Have I found 
 you at last ? Embrace me. I m your 
 ant!" 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie turned round, and 
 were immediately clasped in the arms of 
 their long lost ant. 
 
 " You must come and live with me," 
 said the ant, and was so pressing in her 
 invitation that the children had not the
 
 148 
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 heart to refuse. " It s very fortunate for 
 you," said their ant, " that I found you. 
 If you are going into society, I can be 
 of immeasurable service to you. I go 
 everywhere, everywhere. Come along. 
 Things are all in a heap at 
 home, but you won t mind 
 that." 
 
 " We didn t know we had 
 ants," interjected Beatrice. 
 " Bless the child," said her ant, 
 looking at her fondly. 
 
 " Do you really go every 
 where ? " asked Jessie. " Perhaps 
 you can tell us where the prince 
 lives who is enslaved by the boarding- 
 house fairy ? " 
 
 " Well, you see," replied the ant, scratch 
 ing her nose reflectively, " there are so 
 many boarding-houses, and we frequent 
 them all." 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie seemed very dis 
 appointed. 
 
 " There, there," soothed the ant, " don t 
 cry ; where there s a will, there s a way,
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 149 
 
 that s the ant motto, and I shouldn t won 
 der if some member or other of our family 
 would be able to direct you." 
 
 On the road to the ant s residence, they 
 met a great many of their relatives, who 
 appeared to be too occupied to take any 
 notice of them. 
 
 " They re very rude," said the ant. " If 
 there is anything in the world worth liv 
 ing for, it s etiquette." 
 
 " It s what? " asked Beatrice and Jessie. 
 
 " Etiquette ! " shouted the ant, bridling 
 and looking severe. " What would society 
 be, if people didn t bow to one another, 
 and dress well, and be particular about 
 their finger-nails and their hats and bon 
 nets ? I shudder," continued the ant, 
 whenever I see a badly dressed woman 
 in church. It s terrible to think of what 
 might happen to her ! Of all places where 
 a woman should be got up in the very 
 height of fashion, it s church." 
 
 " I don t think your grammar is good, 
 ant," said Jessie, who was precocious. 
 
 " That doesn t matter," said the ant ;
 
 I5O BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " I m well dressed. Moreover," continued 
 the ant, reflectively, as she courteously 
 returned the bow of an elderly and gen 
 tlemanly ant in a Prince Albert and a 
 high silk hat, " moreover, I have money, 
 and my coachman is immaculate, though 
 I say it as shouldn t. I can do without 
 grammar. You can t eat grammar, can 
 you ? " she inquired. " You can t buy 
 gowns with it, or horses and carriages, 
 or diamonds, or a French cook, or steam 
 yachts, or boxes at the opera, or castles 
 and parks in England, can you ? " 
 
 When the ant had ceased speaking, she 
 said no more. A cloud was seen ap 
 proaching. It was a cloud of dust. The 
 dust was sand. This cloud of sand was 
 a simoon. A simoon is the dreaded 
 sand-storm of the desert. What was a 
 simoon doing in London ? We shall 
 see. It approached with frightful rapid 
 ity. The inhabitants fled before it. Some 
 hid in the cellars ; others retired to their 
 beds, and drew the covering over their 
 heads. Beatrice and Jessie were much
 
 BLOWN AWAY. I 5 I 
 
 alarmed. The ant exhibited no concern; 
 she remarked : 
 
 "Sand is my native element. Sand is 
 breath to my nostrils." The ant then 
 walked home. 
 
 It is impossible to exaggerate the peril 
 of the children s situation. If their lives 
 were to be saved, some refuge must swiftly 
 be found. Where was this refuge ? Was 
 it at hand? Unbeknown to them, it was. 
 This refuge was a four-wheeler. The 
 person who drove this four-wheeler was 
 a man. This cannot be said of all per 
 sons who control the destinies of a four- 
 wheeler. What is a four-wheeler? A 
 four-wheeler is a common or garden cab. 
 It has four wheels. It has also shafts. 
 In the shafts is an animal. Is this animal 
 a horse ? Who can tell ? 
 
 Beatrice hailed the cab. The cab 
 stopped. Why did the cab stop ? The 
 driver had spoken to the horse. What 
 had he said? He had said, "Whoa." 
 Was the driver a North American In 
 dian ? He was not. He was an Irish-
 
 152 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 man. An Irishman is a man who does 
 not live in Ireland. What is Ireland ? It 
 is an island. What are its principal prod 
 ucts ? Pigs, potatoes, and politics. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie were about to en 
 trust their fortunes, to this honest Irish 
 man. The Irishman s hand was extended. 
 Beatrice and Jessie paused. This pause 
 was fatal to the Irishman. It is in a mo 
 ment that fortunes are lost, this moment 
 proved such an one. The sky had cleared, 
 the sand-storm had passed. 
 
 The cab was dismissed and the Arab 
 rode away calling his prophet names. 
 The sun now shone with undiminished 
 splendor upon the plain. The heat was 
 terrific. The very trees and rocks were 
 broiling. There was a smell of cooking 
 in the air. The flowers hung their heads 
 in listless apathy. 
 
 The children were exhausted, their 
 feet refused to carry them further. They 
 sat down. Some cocoanuts falling upon 
 their bare heads attracted their attention. 
 
 " These nuts," said Beatrice, " contain
 
 HLOWN A W AY. 
 
 153 
 
 an agreeable liquid which closely resem 
 bles milk. The fruit of the nut itself, 
 although indigestible, is not unpalatable." 
 Robinson Crusoe was out for the day, 
 visiting his plantations and ^-y^ 
 
 removing sacks of 
 flour and jewelry 
 from the wreck. He 
 had nailed a card to 
 the door of his office 
 which read," Will 
 return at 5 p. M." 
 The children 
 exercised the 
 liberty of using 
 his gimlet and 
 his axe to obtain 
 refreshment from the 
 cocoanut. They intended to remain 
 some few days with Mr. Robinson Crusoe 
 and his man Friday. Whilst awaiting 
 their return, the parrot entertained them 
 with songs and humorous anecdotes. 
 The children marvelled greatly at the 
 intelligence of this remarkable bird.
 
 154 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " Perhaps," said Beatrice, when the par 
 rot had concluded a song and dance even 
 more entertaining than its fellows, " since 
 you have displayed so much wisdom, you 
 can impart some information concerning 
 the prince who is enslaved by the board 
 ing-house fairy ? " 
 
 " Young ladies," replied the parrot, " I 
 have always been too much interested in 
 the fortunes of Haroun Alraschid, to for 
 get any circumstance of the incidents of 
 his life which has been handed down to 
 us. If you choose to honor me with your 
 attention, I shall immediately gratify your 
 curiosity." 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie testified their wish 
 to hear the relation, and the parrot, who 
 was no other than the Sultana Scheher 
 azade, began in these words : 
 
 " Before relating- the adventures of the 
 
 O 
 
 renowned Commander of the Faithful, 
 which would occupy a period of three 
 years, permit me to state that the prince 
 of whom you are in search is no other 
 than the Caliph Haroun Alraschid him-
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 155 
 
 self, and that the fairy who has enslaved 
 the pride of the Moslem race is the same 
 wicked Genie who, tired of hearing my 
 stories in praise of the great monarch, 
 transformed me into a parrot. Giafar, 
 the Grand Vizier to the Caliph, and who 
 shared with him his nocturnal adventures, 
 is allowed to remain in companionship 
 with his master. Should you find the 
 prince, you would also discover his de 
 voted servant, Giafar. I have no doubt 
 whatever that if you succeed in releasing 
 the Caliph from the spell of the Genie you 
 will earn his lifelong gratitude, and that 
 he will load you with wealth and honors. 
 When this occurs, do not forget the un 
 fortunate Scheherazade." The parrot was 
 silent ; but the tears that flowed down her 
 beak testified more than words to the 
 anguish of her soul. 
 
 " Believe us," said Beatrice, " we will try 
 to remember your name." 
 
 " I will give you my card and address," 
 said the parrot, " and I will now offer you 
 such advice as may be acceptable in your
 
 156 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 situation. Follow your nose for five 
 
 j 
 
 leagues ; it will lead you within the vicinity 
 of the boarding-house. When you have 
 arrived you will be apprised of the fact by 
 the odor, which is unmistakable. Here 
 you will discover a youth searching the 
 contents of an ash-barrel. This youth 
 will be no other than the unfortunate 
 Giafar. He will lead you into the pres 
 ence of the Commander of the Faithful. 
 More I am not at liberty to disclose. 
 Haroun Alraschid will furnish you with 
 further particulars." 
 
 Although the children used every means 
 to persuade the parrot to continue, she 
 was silent, and beyond saying at intervals, 
 " Pretty Poll, lump of sugar," her mouth 
 was sealed. 
 
 Robinson Crusoe had now returned. 
 On his way to his hut he had discovered 
 a hansom cab and horse which had been 
 blown ashore in the gale of the previous 
 night. In the cab he had found a parcel 
 containing a dozen six-button gloves, size 
 five and a half, but notwithstanding he
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 157 
 
 had carefully searched the beach in every 
 direction, he had discovered no clue to 
 the young and beautiful owner. He had 
 climbed upon the cab and had driven 
 himself to his hut. Friday was now un 
 harnessing the horse and stab 
 ling it in the shed with the 
 tame ostrich, the providential 
 pig, and the miraculous cow. 
 
 Robinson Crusoe, when he 
 entered his drawing-room, 
 where the two young ladies 
 were seated, was attired in the 
 very height of fashion. In 
 deed, with a man of Robinson 
 Crusoe s refined taste, it could not 
 be otherwise, since his island provided 
 everything. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie rose respectfully 
 when Robinson Crusoe entered, but he 
 begged them to be seated and to enjoy 
 some of the delicacies which Friday would 
 place before them. 
 
 Friday, attired in the Crusoe livery, 
 entered and deposited on a table some
 
 158 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 excellent ortolans (fried and served with 
 risotto), a most tempting pate de foie gras, 
 several large bunches of hothouse grapes, 
 some exquisite cakes and a decanter of 
 dry Tokay. 
 
 " Most heartily," said Robinson Crusoe, 
 rising and bowing with much grace, " I 
 bid you welcome to my house, which, to 
 gether with its owner, is entirely at your 
 disposal. I beg you will partake of this 
 poor refreshment until a repast more 
 worthy of the honor you have done me 
 may be prepared. And in the meanwhile 
 my faithful retainer and myself will ac 
 complish our best to lighten the hours 
 of waiting." 
 
 Robinson Crusoe and Friday now with 
 drew, but presently returned in the cos 
 tume affected by the clowns at a country 
 fair. Lightly leaping over one another 
 after the manner adopted in the popular 
 game of leap-frog, they circled about the 
 room, exchanging hearty slaps or such 
 witticisms as were not beyond the com 
 prehension of the young and unsophis-
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 159 
 
 ticated. This was followed by a most 
 dexterous ventriloquial entertainment on 
 the part of Robinson Crusoe, his man 
 Friday having been stationed on the roof 
 in order to reply down the chimney to the 
 questions propounded to him by his mas 
 ter. After this, a sleight-of-hand perform 
 ance by Friday enabled Robinson Crusoe 
 to withdraw for a period. Friday s tricks 
 were truly astonishing, and consisted in 
 making an omelette in Beatrice s hat, and 
 in causing anything in the shape of money 
 or valuables to disappear. When this fund 
 of humor had been exhausted, Robinson 
 Crusoe returned with a violin, and having 
 carefully tuned it with the assistance of a 
 grand piano, which he had found firmly 
 wedged in a cleft of rock some few weeks 
 ago, he accompanied Friday to the follow 
 ing characteristic 
 
 " Dar s noding on dis island dat yer can t get 
 free ! 
 
 Boom de boom de rido ! 
 From a green omberella to a mango-tree, 
 Boom de boom de rido !
 
 l6o BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 Bar s a roasted possum down der chimney 
 flue, 
 
 And he s stuffed wid onion and wid chest 
 nuts, too ! 
 
 De milk and honey is flowing down de street ; 
 
 It s a slap-up island, and it can t be beat 
 No how ! Boom de boom de rido ! " 
 
 Here Robinson Crusoe and Friday 
 paused in their melody to execute a lively 
 and exhilarating dance ; they then con 
 tinued : 
 
 " Dar s noding on dis island dat yer have der 
 
 do, 
 
 Boom de boom de rido ! 
 
 Yer just sit still and it walks ter you, 
 
 Boom de boom de rido ! 
 
 Dar ain t no troubles, and dar ain t no crime, 
 But it s balm o Gilead all der time. 
 And dar ain t no taxes, and dar ain t no care, 
 But it s summer and sunshine all der year, 
 You bet ! Boom de boom de rido ! " 
 
 Robinson Crusoe and his man again 
 performed a rapid shuffle and proceeded :
 
 BLOWN AWAY. l6l 
 
 " Bar s noding on dis island dat dar ain t 
 thrown in, 
 
 Boom de boom de rido ! 
 When yer buys de oxen, why yer buys der 
 skin, 
 
 Boom de boom de rido ! 
 If you buys a melon, why you buy de patch ; 
 If yer buys a chicken, why she s bound to 
 
 hatch ; 
 If yer kiss and yer caught and marries yer 
 
 Sail, 
 
 Why all har relations dey goes wid der gal. 
 Just so, hey ! Boom de boom de rido ! " 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie stole on tiptoe from 
 the room. As long -as the fate of the 
 prince remained in doubt, they could not 
 enter into the spirit of this gay and frolic 
 some scene. Scarcely had they proceeded 
 fifteen miles before they discovered a re 
 cumbent figure in an attitude of great 
 dejection beneath an olive-tree. 
 
 " Stranger," said Beatrice, striking the 
 youth violently on the back with the palm 
 of her hand, and addressing him with 
 great diffidence, " your attitude interests
 
 1 62 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 me. Tell me what has caused you to cast 
 yourself in such evident sorrow beneath 
 this tree ? " 
 
 " O light of my eyes," replied the youth, 
 screening his face with his hands, and 
 gazing at Beatrice and Jessie between the 
 outspread fingers, " know that I am the 
 unhappy Boubou ; but alas ! my name will 
 convey no meaning to your ears. Suffice 
 it that I am the son of a millionaire who 
 reared me in the expectation of securing 
 my living without having to work for it. 
 Alas, how were my hopes shattered ! 
 Scarcely had I reached the age of thirty- 
 two when my stern parent called me 
 before him. O Boubou, said he, the 
 time is now arrived when you must prove 
 yourself worthy of the tender care I have 
 bestowed upon your education. I threw 
 myself at his feet, but he hastily moved 
 them under the table. O my father, 
 I replied, command me. Am I not 
 your son ? For some time my father 
 did not reply, but was lost in deep 
 thought.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 163 
 
 " Boubou, he then continued, I have 
 determined you shall wed the lovely Mou- 
 mou ; her dowry is twenty million gold 
 pieces, and I will bestow upon you a like 
 sum. This decision on the part of my 
 father overwhelmed me with joy, for I 
 had often surreptitiously watched the 
 lovely Moumou in the garden of her 
 mother s house, which adjoined my father s 
 property. I did not, however, permit my 
 father to discover the full extent of my 
 satisfaction, but merely signified my will 
 ingness to obey him in all things. Not 
 to weary you, O lady, with details that 
 cannot interest you, we were married, and 
 lived happily upon our modest compe 
 tence, until one day Moumou introduced 
 the game of croquet into our quiet home. 
 Since that hour we have known neither 
 peace nor happiness." The stranger ceased, 
 but Beatrice and Jessie beheld his ab 
 stracted gaze riveted in terror upon a 
 woman who approached, holding in her 
 hand a croquet mallet. Scrambling to 
 his feet, the wretched Boubou bounded
 
 164 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 away like a gazelle, pursued by the in 
 fatuated Moumou. 
 
 The children proceeded on their path, 
 pondering on the mutability of human 
 affairs. 
 
 The sun, golden in the morning, now 
 changed its hue to red, and, setting in the 
 west, bathed all the landscape in its rosy 
 dye. Beatrice and Jessie floated on radi 
 ant clouds of scarlet ether, which, pro 
 pelled by gentle zephyrs, wafted them to 
 the north. Giant palms swayed in the 
 cooler breeze, and myriad gaudy butter 
 flies and jewelled humming-birds swarmed 
 about them. Below in the valley, where 
 the mists obscured the certainty of view, 
 the gray willows fringed a twining stream 
 that shone weird and white as the moon 
 sailed majestically into its nightly empire. 
 
 The children shuddered and drew to 
 gether. The clouds that bore them had 
 turned to silver gauze and chilled their 
 feet. The Erl-King spoke to them and 
 waved to his daughters, who, partly 
 shrouded in the high grasses and the
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 165 
 
 wreaths of fog, danced by the brook 
 below. The tree-toad admonished them 
 ever and ever : " Go on ! Go on ! Go 
 on ! " The fickle will-o -the-wisp beck 
 oned them to the marshes, and an or 
 chestra of crickets played a fantasia that 
 thrilled the night. Some fatal spell held 
 them in its power. Suddenly the clang 
 of a bell, the vibrations of a gong, burst 
 upon their ears. The landscape faded, 
 the Erl - King and his daughters fled. 
 The will - o - the - wisp disappeared, the 
 tree - toad was silent. The crickets or 
 chestra died away. The flowers fell and 
 changed to ashes. The butterflies and 
 
 O 
 
 humming-birds flew in one dense swarm 
 to the horizon. A pungent odor assailed 
 their nostrils. 
 
 " Hash ! " said Jessie. 
 
 " Hash ! " said Beatrice. 
 
 " Look ! " cried Jessie. And they looked. 
 They found they were in a long, narrow, 
 and squalid street. A gas-lamp burned 
 dimly at the nearest corner. Close by, a 
 Roman was endeavoring to grind melody
 
 1 66 BLOWK AWAY. 
 
 out of a box. A host of unwashed chil 
 dren with dishevelled hair and dingy gar 
 ments danced in the noisome atmosphere. 
 A man slept in the gloaming of a battered 
 porch. The sound of a quarrelling voice 
 nearly drowned the asthmatic wheezing 
 of the organ. A black water ran in the 
 gutter. In this two urchins dabbled their 
 feet. An Oriental, bearing upon his arm 
 a pile of rags, cried, " Ole clos ! " Ever 
 and anon a lukewarm wind flapped the 
 yellow linen depending from a rope, and 
 startled the pigeons that watched them 
 from the roofs. A costermonger cried 
 his wares. A policeman twirling his club 
 walked boldlv through the street. The 
 
 j O 
 
 organ struck up, " Know st thou the land 
 where the citron blooms ? " 
 
 " Why do people live here ? " asked 
 Beatrice. 
 
 "Why?" said Jessie. 
 
 " The world is very large," said Beatrice. 
 
 " Very," said Jessie. 
 
 " Why don t they walk away ? " said 
 Beatrice.
 
 BLOW A T AWAY. 167 
 
 " Why ? " said Jessie. 
 
 " Do you wish to live here ? " asked a 
 fat voice. 
 
 The children turned in its direction and 
 beheld a stout woman holding her naked 
 arms akimbo. Upon her head she wore 
 a tinsel crown decorated with draggled 
 artificial flowers. In one hand she 
 clutched a wooden sceptre from which 
 the gilt tracery was partly worn away. 
 " Do you wish to live here ? " repeated 
 the stout woman. 
 
 The children were about to say " No ! " 
 when they noticed a thin, pale youth en 
 gaged in ransacking the contents of an 
 ash-barrel. 
 
 " It is Giafar, the companion of the 
 prince ! " they exclaimed. 
 
 " Who speaks my unhappy name ? " 
 asked the youth. 
 
 " Oh, tell us, tell us," cried the children, 
 " where is the prince." 
 
 " Follow me," said Giafar, " and I will 
 lead you to him." 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie thanked the Grand
 
 l6S BLOW.V AWAY. 
 
 Vizier, who, opening a heavy door, led 
 
 them into a dark hall that reeked of cheap 
 
 cookery. 
 
 " Walk in here, young ladies," said 
 
 Giafar, " and I will advise the prince of 
 your presence. Permit me, how 
 ever, to make a light." 
 
 Giafar, with some lingering 
 remnant of a departed grace, 
 struck a match upon the seat of 
 his nether o-arment and lighted 
 
 o o 
 
 the gas ; then bowing, he left 
 the room. 
 
 " Do you wish to live here ? " asked the 
 stout woman, standing in the door. 
 
 " Who are you ? " asked Beatrice. 
 
 " I am the boarding-house fairy," replied 
 the stout lady, " and because of your ex 
 treme youth, I overlook your evident lack 
 of courtesy. You have not answered my 
 question. Do you wish to live here ? " 
 
 " We came to find the prince," said 
 Beatrice. 
 
 " Yes," said the boarding-house fairy, 
 " so does every one who lives in my house.
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 169 
 
 They all want to find the prince. If it 
 were not for him, I should be without 
 boarders. My house would be empty. 
 Are you going to stay here?" 
 
 " We want to find the prince," 
 answered Beatrice. 
 
 " Then you do wish 
 to live here," said the 
 fairy. " I will prepare 
 a room for you," and 
 with this the fairy van 
 ished. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie 
 took advantage of the 
 opportunity to look 
 about them. The furniture 
 was covered with black horse 
 hair, which, gaping here and there, ex 
 posed its secrets. A table stood in the 
 centre of the room upon a meagre rag 
 carpet. This carpet, which was very dark, 
 exhaled an odor of grease. The cloth hid 
 ing the table had long since abandoned 
 any definite color. An upright piano of 
 doubtful origin, with stained keys, filled
 
 I/O 
 
 BLOWN A IV AY. 
 
 the space between the fireplace and the 
 window, and tattered music and blotted 
 sheets littered its surface. Upon the 
 table lay some time-worn novels, an ink 
 pot, and many pages of foolscap closely 
 covered with scribbling. A stand with 
 
 birds, from which 
 the plumage had 
 been plucked, oc 
 cupied a corner. A 
 pair of coarse lace 
 curtains hune be 
 
 fore the dim win 
 dows. These curtains had 
 been white ; they were 
 J now yellow, and torn in places. 
 
 They had formerly been fastened back 
 with blue ribbons. A soiled one remained 
 to testify mournfully to this fact. 
 
 In the fireplace, a paper screen, once 
 bright and festive, held in its sooty mesh 
 the remnant of a scarlet poppy. On the 
 mantel-shelf, a shepherd and shepherdess 
 under glass covers smiled eternally. The 
 first played on a shattered lute ; the other
 
 BLOWN AWAY. I /I 
 
 held above her head a broken arm. They 
 were separated by a black clock, upon 
 which a dog reclined and watched the 
 shepherdess. The tick-tick of the clock 
 had long since ceased. There were many 
 ticks in this house. This was the only 
 one that stood still. 
 
 The hour was late. Beatrice and Jessie 
 had walked far. The atmosphere was 
 heavy. In the horsehair chairs they sank 
 back and closed their eyes. The clock 
 on the mantel struck the hour and played 
 a tune whilst the dog beat time, tick-tick- 
 tick, with his tail. The shepherd smiled 
 his stereotyped smile at the shepherdess ; 
 she waved her broken arm above her 
 head, and they sang : 
 " We stand in a state of ecstatic delight 
 
 That is properly bound by restraint, 
 And who would not envy a skin that s so 
 white, 
 
 Or a blush that is born of such paint ? 
 
 " And though we are closed in a prison like 
 
 this, 
 And dwell in a house made of glass,
 
 172 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 We never complain that we weary of bliss, 
 Or wear with the years as they pass. 
 
 " And note, we are dancing with perfect repose, 
 
 And strum on a lute without noise, 
 Nor can you complain that we sing thro the 
 
 nose, 
 Or charge you too high for these joys ! 
 
 " You mortals may droop in the worry and 
 
 strife, 
 
 And sicken and languish and waste, 
 But we remain ever the picture of life 
 Embodied in pigment and paste. 
 
 " How often is love that is known by the way 
 
 In which its sweet symptoms are shown, 
 Enduring as this, that is fashioned to stay, 
 On the model of Darby and Joan ? 
 
 " Or can all the riot that storms in your breast 
 
 Be compared with contentment like ours, 
 Where jealousy never can prey on its rest, 
 Or satiety grow with the hours ? 
 
 " But ere we return to the calm that ne er pains 
 
 And the death that is never a curse, 
 Implore of the fanciful poet with brains 
 Not to bring us to life in his verse! "
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie awoke. They 
 looked steadfastly at the china figures. 
 But they were silent, and the clock ticked 
 no more ; neither did the dog wag his tail. 
 
 " Strange ! " remarked Beatrice. 
 
 " Very," said Jessie. " Since the hour 
 approaches that we are at last to see the 
 prince, let us carefully remember the in 
 structions impressed upon us by the rat : 
 
 " We must enter the house, 
 
 Eluding the fairy, 
 And discover the prince 
 Alone in the dairy ! " 
 
 " But where is the dairy ? " 
 
 " The pump is in the scullery," said the 
 boarding-house fairy, who appeared at this 
 moment with her sleeves turned up and 
 wiping the perspiration from her brow 
 with her apron. " But do you fancy you 
 can elude me ? Never, never ! " 
 
 " We must resort to stratagem," said 
 Beatrice. 
 
 " What stratagem, ha ? " asked the 
 fairy.
 
 1/4 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 " Let me think," said Beatrice. 
 
 " You may, if you can," answered the 
 fairy. 
 
 " Oh ! " cried Beatrice, " look at those 
 handsomely attired ladies and gentlemen 
 ringing the bell of the boarding-house 
 opposite." No sooner had Beatrice thus 
 slyly spoken than the boarding-house fairy 
 darted from the room and rushed out of 
 the house. 
 
 The children grasped one another by 
 the hand and fled in the direction in 
 which they hoped to discover the dairy 
 and the prince. Nor was their enterprise 
 unrewarded. At the end of the corridor a 
 light streaming through a half-closed door 
 attracted their attention. They pushed it 
 open and stood in the presence of the 
 prince. Hpw can words describe what 
 they beheld ? Or how can language pic 
 ture their awe, their wonder, and their 
 joy? 
 
 Seated in the centre of an indescribable 
 circle, upon a mysterious throne, sat a 
 radiant figure, so resplendent yet so nebu-
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 1/5 
 
 lous as to be transparent. The face of 
 the prince hovered in a scintillating glory 
 of prismatic hues that flashed and quiv 
 ered and dazzled the sight. The witching 
 smile that played upon his lovely coun 
 tenance was so alluring as to cast them 
 abject on their knees. The white hand 
 that beckoned them was gorgeous with 
 the pale and varying sheen of priceless 
 opals ; yet as they sought to seize it, the 
 hand faded before their eyes only to 
 appear again where it had vanished. 
 
 Curls of gold waved about the prince s 
 head in coils like jewelled serpents, and 
 eyes of sapphire blue sought theirs with a 
 yearning gaze of such profound love and 
 longing that they burst into an eloquence 
 of uncontrollable sobs. 
 
 Now Beatrice remembered the words of 
 the rat : 
 
 " You must kiss both his eyes, 
 
 His lips and his ears, 
 And sit down by his side 
 
 And call for two beers." 
 
 How could she ever do that ? How
 
 1 76 
 
 BLOWN A W AY. 
 
 could she ever master the courage to em 
 brace that ethereal and majestic being ? 
 
 " She who hesitates is lost ! " said the 
 rat, peeping out of a hole. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie sprang at the throne 
 and threw their arms about the prince. 
 
 He melted from their 
 grasp, and Beatrice 
 and Jessie hugged 
 themselves. 
 
 " Now sit down by 
 his side," said the rat. 
 " But where is 
 he?" they e x - 
 claimed. 
 
 Even as they spoke 
 they beheld the prince restored to the 
 spot where they had fancied him to be, 
 and they humbly seated themselves at 
 his feet. 
 
 " Call for two beers," cried the rat. 
 Beatrice and Jessie shouted together, 
 " Zwei lager ! " 
 
 Hardly had the words passed their lips 
 when the house was shaken by a frightful
 
 BLOWN A IV AY. 1 77 
 
 clap of thunder, piercing shrieks resounded 
 on every side, the doors and windows 
 burst open, and a motley throng, with di 
 shevelled locks and torn garments, invaded 
 the room. Some bore in their hands a 
 banner with a strange device ; many car 
 ried goose quills dripping with ink, others 
 clutched musical instruments in their 
 frenzied fingers, whilst many again held 
 palettes and paint brushes in their palsied 
 hands. All strained their eyes and arms 
 towards the vision of the prince. 
 
 " He is ours ! he is ours ! he is ours ! " 
 they cried. 
 
 " No," said the boarding-house fairy, 
 " he is mine. Were you to take him 
 away, you would all be rich, and then 
 I d starve to death." 
 
 " He is ours ! he is ours ! " they cried 
 again. 
 
 " He belongs to me," said Beatrice. 
 
 " I don t wish to quarrel," said Jessie, 
 " but I think he is mine." 
 
 "Who," asked the rat, "who can tell 
 me a rhyme for lager ? "
 
 178 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 No one spoke. 
 
 " Go, go," continued the wise old rat, 
 "go back to your dens. Are you pre 
 sumptuous enough to claim the prince, 
 and you know no rhyme for lager ? " 
 
 " I can write with lager," said one. 
 
 " I can paint with lager," said another. 
 
 " I can be brave with lager," cried a 
 third. 
 
 " I can swim in lager," sobbed a fourth. 
 
 " Yes," said the rat, " but you cannot 
 rhyme with lager." 
 
 With despondent mien and drooping 
 heads the boarders shuffled from the room. 
 The prince was alone with Beatrice and 
 Jessie and the rat. 
 
 " What will you do now ? " asked the 
 rat. " Let me advise you to go home and 
 mend your gowns." 
 
 " Never ! " said Beatrice. " I won t go 
 home without the prince." 
 
 " Nor I," said Jessie ; and they made 
 so sudden and violent an onslaught on 
 the exalted one, that, torn by their 
 unruly hands, he fell apart and shed
 
 BLOWN AWAY. 
 
 179 
 
 from his gaping wounds a very mound 
 of sawdust. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie stared with open- 
 eyed horror at the sight. At their feet 
 lay a doll, shrunken, broken, and crushed. 
 The rat chuckled. The boarding-house 
 fairy entered with a pitcher of 
 beer. Seeing the prince prone 
 upon the floor, she tenderly 
 raised him, and, sitting down 
 with his poor torn figure across 
 her knee, searched her work- 
 basket for a needle and thread. 
 The rat chuckled again. 
 
 Looking out of the window, and lightly 
 strumming with his fingers on the window- 
 pane, he softly hummed : 
 
 " Then when the witch enters 
 To serve the zwei lager, 
 You may cut short my tail, 
 For tis but a 
 
 The old rat said no more ; he fell over 
 gently, and rendered up his ghost. 
 
 Beatrice and Jessie backed slowly to-
 
 i8o 
 
 AU r AY. 
 
 wards the door, their thumbs in their 
 mouths, their little under lips quivering, 
 their eyes streaming with tears. 
 
 There was a heavy dull thud of silence. 
 
 And now I ve talked quite enough non 
 sense, and, moreover, it s time for you 
 children to have your bath. 
 
 THE END.
 
 UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 
 
 A 000 046 361 2