JUtantati0n: 
 
 OR THE 
 
 CONFESSIONS 
 
 OF A 
 
 CONVERT TO ROMANISM: 
 
 A TALE OF 
 
 DOMESTIC AND RELIGIOUS LIFE IN -ITALY. 
 EDITED BY THE 
 
 REV. WM. INGRAHAM KIP, M. A., 
 
 AUTHOR OF " THE CHRISTMAS- HQI/YDAYS IN ROME," ETC. 
 
 N E W - Y O R K : 
 
 STANFORD AND SWORDS, 
 
 No. 139, BROADWAY. 
 
 1846. 
 
ENTERED according to Act of Congress, in the year 1846, by 
 
 STANFORD AND SWORDS, 
 
 in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Southern 
 
 District of New-York. 
 
 OHN R. M'Gowir, Printer, 
 No. 128, Fulton-street, 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 THIS volume is a reprint of one published In 
 London during the last year. A friend placed it in 
 the hands of the Editor, because from his acquaint, 
 ance with the scenes in which the story is laid, and 
 the opportunities he had enjoyed of gaining some 
 knowledge of the tone of thought and feeling pre- 
 vailing in Italian society, it was believed he might 
 be able to decide on the justness of its claims to be 
 taken as a faithful picture. 
 
 The writer states that "the following pages 
 were penned from notes taken during a residence 
 of upwards of two years in Tuscany and the Papal 
 States ; during which she had opportunities, that 
 rarely fall to the lot of the casual traveller, of per- 
 sonally witnessing the scenes, and many of the con- 
 versations which she describes." 
 
 To the fidelity of her descriptions of places, the 
 Editor can bear his unhesitating testimony. Almost 
 every page arrayed before him some scene associ- 
 
IV PREFACE. 
 
 ated with the pleasant hours he spent in classic 
 Italy. The stately palaces of fascinating Florence 
 the woody hill of Fie sole, where Milton mused 
 and wrote the peaceful valleys of " leafy Vallam- 
 brosa " the animated walks of the Cascine the 
 treasures of the Pitti Palace the splendor of the 
 Ducal Court the beautiful scenery of luxuriant 
 Tuscany all, are called up again to memory by 
 the allusions of this narrative. And mingled with 
 these came less pleasing remembrances of super- 
 stitions such as are here portrayed, and the surveil- 
 lance of a religious despotism before which all 
 trembled. The scoffing, infidel tone of some of 
 these conversations is not imaginary. The Editor 
 has himself heard it, when men uttered to him, a 
 foreigner, what they would not dare to speak to their 
 own countrymen, and even then declared their un- 
 belief in the system under which they were forced 
 to live, 
 
 " in bondsmen's key, 
 " With bated breath and whispering fearfulness." 
 
 He feels therefore that the whole air of this work 
 is truthful, and as such he would commend it to his 
 young countrywomen. It strips oft' the romance 
 which to a casual traveller surrounds Italian life, 
 and reveals it as it really is, divested of every do- 
 mestic feeling, heartless and demoralizing. It 
 
PREFACE. V 
 
 traces too the steps of that reaction which must 
 take place in the mind of one educated in a purer 
 faith, when the gloss has faded from life, the utter 
 hollowness of the system it had embraced been 
 detected, and sorrow and death at hand, the spirit 
 looks around in earnestness for something on which 
 to rely in the hour of its mortal agony. Oh, solemn 
 indeed are the struggles through which the aching 
 heart must then pass, as it seeks once more the 
 peace of its early years ! Deep must be the trou- 
 bled waters to be passed through, and severe the 
 trials by which the spirit wins again the heritage it 
 had so carelessly cast away ! The penalty of sin 
 must be borne, and well has the writer of this 
 volume pictured the recklessness and despair which 
 may seize upon the heart, before in penitence and 
 faith it can once more repose upon the promises of 
 Him " who was wounded for our transgressions 
 and bruised for our iniquities." If therefore this 
 narrative can give warning to but one individual, 
 or induce a single person to pause before they desert 
 " the old paths," its publication in this country will 
 not have been in vain. 
 
 It was at first the intention of the writer to have 
 added some explanatory notes in the course of the 
 volume. Subsequent reflection, however, induced 
 him to abandon the idea, and in place of it he has 
 ventured to alter the phraseology of the text, where 
 it would be misunderstood or was not theologically 
 
VI PREFACE. 
 
 correct. The arguments are too naturally and 
 plainly given to need any elucidation. There is 
 one point, however, to which he cannot but direct 
 attention. It is with regard to the great necessity 
 there exists of being early taught and educated in 
 the principles of our most holy faith. No one 
 properly trained could ever have been perverted by 
 the flimsy arguments which in this case are repre- 
 sented as having smoothed the way to Romanism 
 no father who realized the awful consequences flow- 
 ing from a renunciation of the truth we should hold, 
 and how fearfully it perilled the soul's salvation, 
 could ever exclaim at such a time " Nonsense ! 
 'tis only a mere form." And if the reply be made, 
 that this is only fiction, we answer, that we can tell 
 of parallel cases with some of our young country- 
 women, when these scenes were all enacted as a 
 sad reality when the faith in which they were 
 reared, but whose solemn sanctions they never fully 
 understood, was hastily abandoned, and all the hap- 
 piness of domestic life rashly sacrificed to purchase 
 the glitter of a foreign title. 
 
 In these uncertain times, then, when around us 
 " the strife of tongues " swells loudly out, and every 
 effort is made to seduce the imaginative and unsta- 
 ble from the true path, the responsibility rests on 
 parents and teachers that those committed to their 
 care should be " rooted and grounded " in the faith. 
 Let the young be well instructed in the principles 
 
PREFACE. Vll 
 
 of our venerable Apostolic Church, and we have 
 nothing to fear. The reason will be convinced, 
 while the heart and the affections will desire noth- 
 ing more. In carrying out her requirements and 
 living up to her privileges, every craving of their 
 spiritual nature will be fully satisfied, and thus an 
 insidious enemy gain no advantage over them. 
 Recognising the Church to which they belong as 
 the Mother of Saints, they will cleave to her with 
 no faltering or doubting allegiance. Treading in 
 the steps of her children who " through the ages 
 all along " have departed in the faith, each passing 
 year, while it draws them nearer to their LORD, 
 will also bind their affections more closely to that 
 holy fellowship of which an apostle spake, as " the 
 Bride, the Lamb's Wife." Thus, when " life's 
 fitful fever " is over, they will calmly sink to their 
 rest, " having the testimony of a good conscience, 
 in the communion of the Catholic Church, in the 
 confidence of a certain faith, and in the comfort of 
 a reasonable, religious, and holy hope." 
 
 ALBANY, October , 1846. 
 
*s 
 
 RECANTATION, 
 
 IT has been a long received axiom, that the 
 life of even the humblest individual would, 
 if written with honest purpose and single- 
 ness of heart, present passages which might 
 prove beneficial to mankind. However 
 painful the records, and humiliating the de- 
 tails of my short career, I pen these recol- 
 lections in the humble hope that the con- 
 sideration of my early levities, and the 
 bitter punishment they have entailed upon 
 me, will prove a warning to some young 
 and gentle traveller in the outset of life, 
 who, in the sunny pathway which lies be- 
 
 2 
 
10 RECANTATION. 
 
 fore her, sees not the deadly venom which 
 too often lurks beneath its fairest flowers. 
 
 I write to the young for not long since 
 I was young myself young alike in thought 
 and feeling ; to the innocent for I can still 
 remember the pure and holy happiness 
 which a guileless heart can give ; and to 
 the beautiful for, alas ! I have known the 
 dangerous triumph of personal attractions ; 
 I have drunk deep of the intoxicating 
 draught of flattery, and revelled in the 
 poisonous atmosphere of general admiration. 
 
 I fear almost that my young readers 
 will turn from these pages with disgust, and 
 anticipating a homily where alone they 
 sought for entertainment, will hardly care 
 to continue their perusal. But do not let 
 me be thus misinterpreted : it is of myself 
 that I am about to write of my own sinful- 
 ness and folly without disguise or pallia- 
 tion ; and if the perusal of my mournful tale 
 should but deter one of my young country- 
 women from following my example, alas ! 
 now too widely spread ; if these confes- 
 sions could but secure our England one 
 daughter more, and bestow on Italy one 
 
RECANTATION. 11 
 
 victim less, I shall not have written them 
 in vain. 
 
 I remember well the bounding sensa- 
 tions of delight with which I watched the 
 white cliffs of Dover receding from my 
 view, as the dancing waves bore my 
 parents and myself merrily onward to the 
 shores of France. Each moment we were 
 drawing nearer to our destined bourne, and 
 Italy, with a train of fairy-like anticipations, 
 seemed to array itself in brighter and more 
 glowing colours. My father, as we paced 
 the deck, entered into my feelings with al- 
 most boyish ecstasy : he was no stranger 
 to the scenes we were about to visit, for in 
 his youth he had passed some time in the 
 south ; and neither the long years that had 
 since then intervened, nor his busy and un- 
 ceasing occupations, had been able to 
 obliterate those deeply-cherished reminis- 
 cences. My childhood had been spent in 
 tranquil happiness, but I had ever dwelt 
 with delight upon his animated descriptions 
 of the sunny climes to which his memory 
 so fondly clung, and the hope of one day 
 dwelling amongst those enchanted scenes, 
 
12 RECANTATION. 
 
 had always been the brightest of my joyous 
 visions. 
 
 The parting tears and kisses of fond and 
 sorrowing relations were still fresh upon 
 my cheek, but I could scarcely grieve at 
 leaving them, when absence was to intro- 
 duce me to all the realization of my girlish 
 expectations ; for it had long been decided 
 by my father that in Florence I should 
 make my entrance into the world, and there 
 first taste of the fascinations of society. 
 Our stay on the continent was to be limited 
 to a year, for my father, who was an emi- 
 nent London merchant, could spare no 
 longer interval from his professional avoca- 
 tions : but in that short space I prophesied 
 a lifetime of enjoyment would be concen- 
 trated ; whilst even my mother, who had 
 hitherto scarcely approved of our leaving 
 England, though her gentle nature had of- 
 fered no resistance to her husband's will, 
 now weaned, in spite of herself, from her 
 sadness, smiled at witnessing my delight 
 and happiness. 
 
 ***** 
 
 It was night when we reached our 
 
RECANTATION. 13 
 
 journey's end, and entered Florence. The 
 moon shone in unclouded grandeur, shed- 
 ding a flood of bright silvery radiance on 
 the famed Lung Arno, with its long lines 
 of stately palaces and many bridges, each 
 casting a dark shadow on the pale bosom 
 of the river. To the east, as we gazed from 
 the majestic "Ponte alia Trinita," the 
 "Ponte Vecchio" was first visible, its quaint 
 and irregular outline standing in bold relief 
 against the calm clear sky ; beyond it the 
 "Alle Grazie" is more dimly seen, while 
 the slight frame-work of the last* fades in 
 the distance amid the snow-capped Apen- 
 nines which bound the Campagna of 
 Florence. Towards the west rises the five- 
 arched " Carraja," and the graceful suspen- 
 sion-bridge beyond, which seems to float in 
 air, so light and elegant are its proportions ; 
 while the dark groves of the "Cascine" 
 curtain the extended prospect. 
 
 Although October was far advanced, 
 there was no chilness in that heavenly 
 
 * This elegant bridge was swept away by the inundation 
 of the Arno in 1844. 
 
14 RECANTATION. 
 
 night, for the lingering breath of summer 
 seemed yet to hover around and mingle 
 with the autumnal air. There was a charm 
 in the soft clear firmament, a tinkling music 
 in the sounds that floated on the lazy breeze, 
 as it wantoned amid the flower-scented at- 
 mosphere, which transported the soul into 
 a new state of existence, and seemed like 
 the embodying of a poet's dream. My 
 feelings, as I then viewed that unequalled 
 scene, were untinged with aught save won- 
 der and delight ; but in after-times I have 
 sighed to gaze upon that moonlit river, nor 
 dared to lift my eyes to the bright luminary 
 above ; who, in her chaste and holy 
 radiance, has been for countless ages the 
 silent beholder of man's ephemeral exis- 
 tence, and seems to look with sorrowing 
 pity upon his vain and trifling career. 
 
 I will not dwell long upon the first few 
 weeks of our residence in Florence, which 
 seemed to require no other incentive to hap- 
 piness than viewing all the priceless gems 
 of art and unequalled beauties of nature, 
 that enrich this fascinating spot. The 
 mildness of the season was unusually pro- 
 
RECANTATION. 15 
 
 longed, and each day saw us bent on some 
 new excursion amidst the beautiful environs 
 of the City of Flowers. On these occasions 
 we were constantly accompanied by a 
 young Englishman of the name of Harcourt, 
 who had arrived in Florence shortly after 
 us ; and being an intimate friend and col- 
 lege companion of my brother, from whom 
 he brought the warmest letters of introduc- 
 tion, it was not long ere he was received by 
 the whole family, as an old and valued ac- 
 quaintance. He was destined for the 
 Church, and a shade of seriousness al- 
 ready pervaded his handsome and intelli- 
 gent countenance, indicating the tenor of his 
 future pursuits, and tempering the exuber- 
 ance of a disposition naturally too ardent 
 and enthusiastic ; yet there was still a 
 manly independence of character in his 
 bearing, mingled with touches of warm 
 feeling and sensibility which won all hearts 
 in his favor. 
 
 The clasfc hill of Fiesole, clad with 
 luxuriant vines hanging in graceful festoons 
 from tree to tree, and where the crimson 
 tints of the pomegranate, and the luscious 
 
16 RECANTATION. 
 
 autumnal fig, gleam on its bosom amidst 
 the silvery foliage of the olive, the dusky 
 woods and peaceful valleys of Vallambrosa, 
 the stately palace of Poggio a Cajano, re- 
 plete with the darkest reminiscences of 
 Florentine annals, and the gardens of 
 Pratolino, where the far-famed Padre Apen- 
 nino still rears his giant form in haughty de- 
 fiance of the inroads of time and the fury 
 of the elements, each and all in their turn 
 were visited and explored, in company of 
 one whose deep historic lore gave renewed 
 interest and delight to every excursion. 
 Harcourt possessed the art of throwing so 
 much fire and poetry into his descriptions 
 of former times, that the past seemed to 
 live anew beneath their magic influence ; 
 and I have sometimes started, when he 
 ceased speaking, to find myself recalled to 
 the realities of the present. 
 
 But it was only when excited or unre- 
 strained by the presence of strangers that 
 he would thus delight us ; he was usually 
 calm and reserved, even to coldness, in his 
 deportment; and, with the haughty spirit 
 of an Englishman, seemed as if he wished 
 
RECANTATION. 17 
 
 to conceal from all casual observers, the 
 rich storehouse of poetry and eloquence 
 which his heart contained. One predomi- 
 nant feeling however was always there, 
 like the deep and silent current of the 
 fathomless Atlantic a devoted and intense 
 spirit of patriotism ; which not all his ad- 
 miration for the classical associations, nor 
 the beautiful scenery of Italy, could either 
 eradicate or subdue. 
 
 The only time during the early and 
 happier stage of our acquaintance that I saw 
 aught like a shadow of displeasure on his 
 brow, was one day when we were standing 
 upon Galileo's observatory at Bello Sguardo. 
 After having dwelt with enthusiasm on the 
 glorious scene that lay beneath us, he re- 
 verted to our own land, and spoke of her 
 lofty pre-eminence over other nations, her 
 noble institutions, her patriots and her 
 warriors, with deep and passionate fond- 
 ness. 
 
 "England!" I exclaimed; "oh do not 
 speak of England here ! The name alone 
 seems to chill my heart, and if I had a wish 
 to form, it would be to have been born 
 
 2* 
 
18 RECANTATION. 
 
 Italian, and ever live beneath this sunny 
 sky!" 
 
 Harcourt turned suddenly round, and 
 looked in my face with an eager inquiring 
 glance, as if doubtful whether he had heard 
 aright. There was an expression of sorrow 
 in his dark and speaking eyes, which 
 grieved, although at the same time it deeply 
 flattered me ; for it told more plainly than a 
 thousand words how much importance he 
 attached even to my thoughtless expres- 
 sions. Young as I was I at once felt my 
 influence, and it required but little exertion 
 of my powers of pleasing to remove every 
 thought of reproach from his mind, and 
 chase away the serpent that had thus, 
 though but for a moment, glided into our 
 blissful Eden. 
 
 Meantime the autumn was drawing to 
 a close, and each day brought a fresh in- 
 flux of strangers, who designed like us to 
 pass the winter in Florence : the Italian 
 families of distinction also, to whom we 
 were furnished with letters of introduction, 
 returned from their summer "villeggia- 
 ture," and I began impatiently to count the 
 
RE C ANT ATION. 1 9 
 
 hours until the season for gaiety should 
 commence. Days and weeks passed on, 
 until at length the ball at the Grand Duke's 
 palace on the first of the year, was the scene 
 of my entry into the world. 
 
 Even at this moment worn and ex- 
 hausted as I am dead to all enjoyment as 
 my heart now feels I lay down my pen to 
 recall, with mingled feelings of wonder and 
 regret, the wild tumultuous happiness of 
 that evening, and the trembling anticipation 
 and excitement of the days which preceded 
 it. How the hours seemed to lag from the 
 first dawn of that eventful day, when rest- 
 less with happiness I awoke from bright 
 dreams of the approaching ball, to form yet 
 more delightful expectations, until the clos- 
 ing twilight warned me it was time to com- 
 mence my toilette ! Oh, let every woman's 
 heart confess what secret triumph swells in 
 her bosom, when her mirror reflects a form 
 radiant with loveliness, and gathering new 
 beauty from each succeeding ornament of 
 its fresh and tasteful attire ! I remember well 
 the tears of heartfelt delight that glistened 
 in my poor father's eyes when he entered 
 
20 RECANTATION. 
 
 the room just as the last roses were being 
 fastened in my hair : and his proud admir- 
 ing look when I stood up before him, that he 
 might judge of my appearance ; how fondly 
 he kissed my forehead as he called me his 
 own beautiful Mary, and prophesied that I 
 should become the admiration and wonder 
 of Forence. 
 
 As we ascended the noble staircase of 
 the Palazzo Pitti, and passed through its 
 splendid ante-chambers between two lines 
 of attendants,! trembled with a strange mix- 
 ture of delight and awe, and drew closer to 
 my mother's side ; but I felt completely 
 dazzled and bewildered with the intense 
 brilliancy of light that burst upon us when 
 we entered the ball-room. I have often 
 heard it remarked, that for beauty of pro- 
 portion and the chasteness with which it is 
 decorated, this saloon is almost unequalled, 
 even amongst the stateliest palaces of 
 Europe. Spiral columns of lights in rich 
 golden candelabras entwined in emerald 
 foliage rise along the lofty walls, the deli- 
 cate white bassi-relievi of which form a 
 .softened yet brilliant back-ground. Gor- 
 
RECANTATION. 21 
 
 geous mirrors reflect on every side the 
 dazzling scene, while thousands of sparkling 
 jewels seem to flash and grow brighter 
 amidst the surrounding splendor.* 
 
 I had scarcely time to recover from my 
 first delight and astonishment, ere we were 
 ushered into another noble apartment filled 
 with strangers, awaiting like ourselves the 
 entrance of the royal family, to whom we 
 were about to be presented. To my young 
 and inexperienced mind, the state and 
 formality observed during this interval ap- 
 peared at once novel and imposing ; the 
 different foreign ministers and members of 
 the diplomatic bodies, with their friends, 
 stood in groups in the centre of the room con- 
 versing in an under-tone, whilst, as I glanced 
 around, I scarcely noticed the attention my 
 presence universally excited, in the trem- 
 bling anxiety with which I awaited the ap- 
 proach of the Ducal Court. 
 
 * This description refers to the celebrated ball-room on 
 the second piano of the palace ; the New-Year's fete has 
 of late been given in the large saloon on the first floor, ad- 
 joining the picture gallery, but it is much inferior in every 
 respect. 
 
22 RECANTATION. 
 
 At length the folding doors at the lower 
 end were thrown open, and a low murmur 
 of voices, succeeded by a profound silence, 
 announced the presence of the Grand Duke, 
 who entered surrounded by the officers of 
 his household, all in brilliant uniforms and 
 glittering with orders. He was almost im- 
 mediately followed by his consort, An- 
 toinetta of Naples, her cheerful and benevo- 
 lent countenance beaming with smiles and 
 good humor. A few steps behind walked 
 the Dowager Grand Duchess, or "La 
 Vedova," as she is commonly termed in 
 Florence ; a Saxon Princess of dignified and 
 commanding aspect, with a shade of melan- 
 choly clouding her fine and majestic fea- 
 tures. Beside her came the young Arch- 
 duchess Augusta, the Grand Duke's daugh- 
 ter* by a former wife, who, with her 
 lamented mother's gentleness and grace, 
 has also inherited that transparent delicacy 
 of complexion and reed-like drooping form, 
 
 * The fears at one period entertained for this interesting 
 Princess have happily proved ill-founded. She was married 
 in April, 1844, to Prince Luitpold of Bavaria, and now re- 
 sides at Munich. 
 
RECANTATION. 23 
 
 which almost lead to the apprehension, that 
 even this sweet flower may be nipped in 
 her dawning beauty, like two fair sisters of 
 equal promise, who preceded her* Last of 
 the regal train appeared the Grand Duke's 
 sister, La Gobbina^ loved and honored 
 throughout all Tuscany, notwithstanding 
 the sobriquet which so unfeelingly designates 
 her infirmity, while she pursues her career 
 of unobtrusive benevolence, resigned, and 
 cheerful and uncomplaining. 
 
 A crowd of attendant ladies, all of the no- 
 blestfamilies of Florence, encircled the Prin- 
 cesses, who passed on through the avenue 
 formed by the crowd, bo wing courteously on 
 every side, but not pausing to address any, 
 excepting those who had already attracted 
 the notice of the Grand Duke. Among so 
 numerous an assemblage it was impossible 
 all could be noticed, and a few only who 
 stood in the foremost ranks were honored 
 by a passing word. I was stationed beside 
 my parents at the upper end of the saloon, 
 and the Duke, apparently pleased with our 
 
 * The Hunchback. 
 
24 RECANTATION. 
 
 appearance, paused when he drew near us, 
 attended by the British Minister, then Mr. 
 
 F , who had successively presented all 
 
 his country-people, and addressed himself 
 to my father. With his habitual courtesy 
 and discernment his Imperial Highness 
 touched on the subject most pleasing to a 
 parent's heart, and dwelt in admiring terms 
 upon his daughter. The Grand Duchess 
 now joined the group, and paused for a few 
 moments in conversation with my mother, 
 who was still a lovely woman, in the me- 
 ridian of English matronly beauty : while 
 the young Princess, who that evening made 
 her first appearance in public, turned gent- 
 ly and hesitatingly towards me, the warm 
 blood mantling in her snowy forehead and 
 dyeing her delicate throat and bosom ; as if 
 the timidity of the child were still contend- 
 ing with the grace and dignity of the wo- 
 man ; and so pretty was the conflict, that 
 none who gazed upon that fair young face 
 could wish it closed, or seek to chase the 
 lingering spirit of childhood, which cast so 
 sweet an influence over the lovely being 
 from whom it seemed so unwillingly to part. 
 
RECANTATION. 25 
 
 All eyes were now drawn upon us, for 
 the royal condescension confirmed the fa- 
 vorable impression we had already pro- 
 duced, and that moment decided the de- 
 butante's success ! 
 
 Oh ! how intoxicating to the young, is it 
 to find oneself at once become the centre 
 of attraction and the nucleus of admiration ! 
 To feel you are the gaze of every eye, to 
 hear the approving murmur that follows 
 your appearance, stealing with soft witche- 
 ry over the soul like incense rising from an 
 idol's shrine ! To have entered the ball- 
 room, as I did that night, a stranger ; and 
 yet, ere half an hour had passed, witness 
 all whom it contained, most distinguished, 
 most handsome, or most fashionable, crowd- 
 ing around my chair, each vying with the 
 other in their eagerness to be presented, in 
 their solicitations to engage me for the 
 dance ! Say, is not this enjoyment ? And 
 does not the bright eye grow brighter still 
 beneath its influence, the glowing cheek 
 seem yet more beautiful ? while rosy lips 
 smile as they never smiled before, and the 
 joyous heart bounds in the throbbing bo- 
 
26 RECANTATION. 
 
 som with happiness so intense, that any 
 augmentation of it would surely become 
 painful. " Yes, Florence is this world's 
 Paradise, and the ' Pitti ' is the Paradise 
 of Florence," was my frequent thought as 
 I danced blithely through the evening till 
 night wore on, and the music sounded for 
 the " Cotillion ;" the concluding, but al- 
 ways the most animated, period of the ball- 
 room festivities. 
 
 The gay crowd had now partially thin- 
 ned, and even the splendid supper-rooms 
 were less thronged ; for many of the Eng- 
 lish, who form the majority of their fre- 
 quenters, had retired weary with enjoy- 
 ment, or satiated, as the Italians constantly 
 insinuate, with too liberal an acknowledg- 
 ment of the Grand Duke's hospitality and 
 profusion. But the withdrawal of so large 
 a proportion of the guests was only felt as 
 an advantage, as greater space was given 
 to display the younger and fairer part of 
 the brilliant assemblage, who had all re- 
 mained. 
 
 A momentary stir and interruption now 
 took place, as the attendants brought in 
 
RECANTATION. 27 
 
 crimson velvet tabourets, with deep fringes 
 of gold, which were ranged for the dan- 
 cers in a semi-circle, fronting the court, 
 who occupied seats on a raised platform at 
 the upper end of the ball-room. Again the 
 music sounded, and the inspiring strains of 
 Strauss seemed to find an echo in every 
 heart ; I turned a petitioning glance to- 
 wards my father, for he had previously 
 hesitated in giving his consent to my join- 
 ing the Cotillion, and I tri'ed to read in the 
 expression of his countenance whether he 
 still meant to abide by this determination. 
 Charles Harcourt was standing beside him, 
 and appeared equally anxious for his deci- 
 sion, although, as I readily conjectured, 
 with sensations widely different from those 
 which I experienced. 
 
 For the first time since our acquaintance 
 I did not feel glad to meet his gaze, for I 
 fancied that I could trace coldness and re- 
 proof in his speaking eyes, whilst I well 
 knew that if his secret wishes could be fol- 
 lowed, my petition would inevitably be re- 
 jected. I had seen but little of him during 
 the evening, for although he constantly 
 
28 RECANTATION. 
 
 hovered near me, I was too much occupied 
 with the excite meut and novelty of the 
 scene, and engrossed with the flatteries of 
 my partners, to notice his quiet and unob- 
 trusive attentions. He did not dance, for 
 he considered it incompatible with the grav- 
 ity of his future pursuits ; and this, in the 
 estimation of a Florentine ball-room, was a 
 deficiency which a thousand estimable qual- 
 ities could scarcely atone for ; while the 
 contemplative and poetic language to which 
 I had so often listened with delight seemed 
 tame and insipid, compared to the gay and 
 complimentary badinage of those by whom 
 I now found myself surrounded. 
 
 The tacit disapproval perceptible in his 
 contenance only made me doubly bent on 
 gratifying my wish, and I renewed my en- 
 treaties to my indulgent father, whose reso- 
 lution had already begun to waver ; when 
 the earnest persuasions of a handsome young 
 Roman Marchese, the most distingue person 
 and unrivalled waltzer in Florence, finally 
 overcame every scruple, and a pleased 
 smile conveyed his welcome permission. 
 
 My partner was leading me away in 
 
RECANTATION. 29 
 
 triumph when I accidently looked back ; 
 and the sight of Harcourt's face, clouded by 
 an expression of bitter sorrow and disap- 
 pointment, induced me to pause with a feel- 
 ing of regret, that in the midst of my own 
 happiness any one should, on my account, 
 feel aught like vexation or displeasure. 
 Yielding at once to the impulse of the mo- 
 ment, I extended my hand to him, and said 
 gaily, " Good night, Mr. Harcourt ; and 
 though you would not dance with me to- 
 night, promise at least to come and see us 
 early to morrow, when I can have the plea- 
 sure of talking over the events of this eve- 
 ning with you, which will enhance all my en- 
 joyment." I saw the delighted smile which lit 
 up his noble countenance as I spoke ; but 
 the impatient Marchese would not allow 
 me await his reply, and hurrying me on- 
 wards, we took our seats amongst the dan- 
 cers. 
 
 It is a dazzling sight, that " Pitti " Co- 
 tillion, with one hundred persons perhaps 
 joining in its fairy mazes ; occasionally the 
 whole fifty couple circling in the rapid 
 waltz which had lately been introduced in 
 
30 RECANTATION. 
 
 Italy, at other times performing graceful 
 figures, in which part only are engaged ; 
 whilst the remainder sit still, and gather 
 fresh strength for continuing the dance, 
 which is often protracted for two or three 
 hours, until the Grand Duchess gives the 
 signal for its conclusion. 
 
 As no dance possesses half its powers 
 of fascination, so none is more dangerous or 
 baneful in its effects. To the Cotillion, 
 much oh! very much of women's modes- 
 ty, of that retiring delicacy, which should 
 shrink from the promiscuous touch and 
 contact of the crowd, has fallen victim ! 
 The timid English girl, led on by general 
 excitement and example, soon forgets all 
 her native reserve, and is unconsciously in- 
 duced to emulate the follies of those around 
 her. If she be admired and a good walt- 
 zer, her danger and temptations are trebly 
 increased ; for she is then selected as an 
 universal object of attraction, and the aim 
 of all the leading fashionables is to secure 
 her for an occasional tour. No refusal can 
 be admitted no discrimination exercised, 
 where chance alone determines which of 
 
RECANTATION. 31 
 
 the two cavaliers led towards her she is to 
 take a giro with in the waltz ; and flattered 
 by seeing herself thus repeatedly chosen, in 
 her turn she becomes fastidious, and selects 
 those whom general opinion has proclaimed 
 most recherche and distinguished. 
 
 Amongst these, are men to whom ru- 
 mor points as stained with a thousand vi- 
 ces ; yet in this promiscuous dance their 
 arm will often encircle the waist, and clasp 
 the youthful form of the bright and bloom- 
 ing creature, to whose pure mind even the 
 name of sin is as yet comparatively un- 
 known. Night after night, throughout the 
 Florence carnival, is the Cotillion always 
 the concluding and favorite dance ; repeat- 
 ed opportunities of meeting are thus afford- 
 ed, and infallibly lead to an acquaintance 
 from which, at the onset of the season, a 
 parent's heart would have shrunk to expose 
 his child. 
 
 Oh, fatal has been the introduction of 
 this dance to many a woman's peace ! 
 Cruelly has it blighted the flower and 
 promise of many a youthful heart, and 
 awakened feelings of envy or reckless pride 
 
32 RECANTATION. 
 
 in a hitherto guileless bosom. Fatal, most 
 fatal has it proved to me and bitterly do I 
 lament the hour when first I joined its bril- 
 liant circles. 
 
 But enough of this at that time I felt 
 nought save happiness, so wild, so intense, 
 so extravagant, that language would fail in 
 any attempt to describe it. All was novel- 
 ty, enthusiasm, and delight. Even after 
 our return home, when at length I had dis- 
 missed my maid, and mechanically kneel- 
 ing by the bed-side I strove to repeat my 
 customary prayers, wild strains of music 
 yet resounded through the chamber, and 
 gay groups of dancers seemed flitting be- 
 fore me. I covered my face with my hands 
 to endeavor to destroy the illusion, but 
 even the darkness was peopled with radi- 
 ant forms ; the beaming faces so lately seen, 
 appeared again to smile upon me, and the 
 whispered flattery I had then heard for the 
 first time poured its honeyed sweetness 
 once more into my ears and mingled its ac- 
 cents with my petitions. I could not pray 
 the heart was in too wild a chaos, and I 
 sought my pillow ; but even there sleep 
 
RECANTATION. 33 
 
 came fanned with such bright and life-like 
 dreams, that it seemed but a continuance 
 of the excitement of my waking hours. 
 
 That evening was but the prelude to a 
 career of insatiate dissipation, which only 
 gathered fresh stimulus from each brilliant 
 fete at which, night after night, we were 
 present ; and from whence we rarely return- 
 ed to our home till the morning's dawn 
 tinged even the dark wintry sky. The 
 day-time brought no leisure for reflection, 
 or abatement for that thirst for society and 
 amusement which ere long became habi- 
 tual ; our drawing-room was always filled 
 with visitors until three or four in the after- 
 noon, when the carriage was announced, 
 and we almost invariably ended our daily 
 round of visits by a drive to the beautiful 
 " Cascine," the rendezvous of all that is 
 gay, or would-be fashionable in Florence. 
 
 I was here always followed by a crowd 
 of admirers, who either attended us when 
 we promenaded on the beautiful walk that 
 skirts the river, or surrounded our carriage 
 when we drew up on the square in front of 
 
34 RECANTATION. 
 
 the Grand Duke's Dairy or Summer Pa- 
 lace. 
 
 It has long been an established custom 
 among the Florentines, after they have end- 
 ed their drive amongst the woods and in- 
 closures of the " Cascine," to stop awhile 
 on this piazza, which towards sunset is 
 thronged by carriages of every description, 
 and by numbers of persons both on foot and 
 horseback : while the picturesque appear- 
 ance of the flower girls, with their baskets 
 of beautiful camelias, mingled fearlessly 
 among the crowd, gives variety and anima- 
 tion to the scene. 
 
 No ball-room or conversazione ever af- 
 forded greater scope for rendering homage 
 to the reigning belles of the season ; and 
 owing, I presume, to the publicity and eclat 
 of any attentions receive here, more than or- 
 dinary solicitude is displayed in the en- 
 deavor to obtain them. There is surely 
 some spell, some enchantment in the very 
 air of this spot, which draws all people to 
 the same focus of worldliness and folly ; 
 for English mothers may here be daily seen 
 
RECANTATION. 35 
 
 exposing their quiet, unpretending daughters 
 to unmerited mortification and neglect, in 
 the fruitless effort to obtain a little of the 
 notice and popularity which they evidently 
 consider the very acme of felicity. With all the 
 reckless gaiety of youth, I have often con- 
 trasted my position, encircled by all that 
 Florence possessed most noble or recherche, 
 with the forlorn appearance presented by 
 some carriage drawn up amongst the rest, 
 whose occupants remained solitary and un- 
 noticed, vainly endeavoring to obtain the 
 attention of some passer-by ; and I have 
 laughed to witness their looks of disappoint- 
 ment when all their smiles and beckonings 
 were only rewarded by a flight and dis- 
 dainful bow, as the fastidious exquisite 
 passed on to some more attractive quarter. 
 In after-times, when the sunshine of my 
 life became forever clouded, and tears and 
 dark forebodings took the place of smiles, I 
 have grieved to behold the daily recurrence 
 of such scenes, and mourned over the in- 
 fatuation which leads so many English mo- 
 thers thus to degrade their daughters by 
 constantly exposing them to mortifications 
 
36 RECANTATION. 
 
 such as I have described, in the attempt to 
 secure the brief passing notice of a set of 
 vain and heartless coxcombs ; whilst even 
 should their wish be gratified, and this en- 
 vied distinction obtained, their name and 
 appearance, from constantly frequenting this 
 place of general resort, become so hackneyed 
 and blase, as to render them a familiar 
 topic of conversation and remark at all the 
 cafes and tables d'hote " in Florence. 
 
 "I am so tired of the fascine,' " I once 
 heard a sweet English girl remark ; "I 
 wish mamma would not take us there every 
 day, merely to look pleased and delighted 
 at every gentleman that passes, as if to say, 
 ' Pray, sir, deign to come and speak to us.'" 
 
 It is indeed a subject of surprise, how 
 much time and ingenuity are devoted by 
 many mothers in securing for their daugh- 
 ters the dangerous distinction of ball-room 
 popularity; whilst half of those exertions, if 
 judiciously directed, would qualify the ob- 
 jects of their solicitude for a more useful 
 and far happier career, and teach them to 
 seek in the sanctity and domestic peace of 
 a British home, and the high calling of a 
 
RECANTATION. 37 
 
 British wife and mother, for the only real 
 enjoyments of existence. 
 
 One night at the court-ball I accidentally 
 overheard a dialogue between a lady and 
 her pretty, quiet-looking daughter, which 
 impressed me at the time with so keen a 
 sense of the ridiculous, that the lapse of 
 years has not been able to efface it from 
 my mind ; and I now recall it as strongly 
 illustrative of the feelings and opinions to 
 which I have been alluding. 
 
 The young girl appeared endeavoring 
 to pacify her mother, who was in a state of 
 great irritation and excitement ; every now 
 and then rising from her seat, and tossing 
 her plumed head over the shoulders of the 
 gentlemen who stood before her, so as bet- 
 ter to observe the movements of the dancers, 
 who were assembling for the quadrille. 
 
 "Stand up, Fanny," she said at length, 
 turning sharply towards her daughter. 
 " Stand up. Who is to find you out poked 
 into that corner? Stand up, I say, and then 
 perhaps you will be seen and get a partner." 
 
 "Indeed, mamma," was the gentle an- 
 
38 RECANTATION. 
 
 swer, " I don't at all mind not dancing ; I 
 am quite happy looking on." 
 
 " Don't mind, indeed ! but I do ! I can tell 
 you that it isn't very pleasant to a mother's 
 feelings to see her daughter sitting still, dance 
 after dance, for half the evening ; and if 
 you had any natural affection for me, Fan- 
 ny, you would try and set yourself off to the 
 best advantage, and not expose me to all 
 this mortification. Get up, child ; there is 
 young count Leoncino coming this way, 
 who knows if he may not ask you ? " 
 
 " Hush ! hush ! dear mamma," said the 
 poor girl, rising as she was desired, while 
 she blushed the deepest crimson. " Pray 
 don't speak so loud he will certainly over- 
 hear you ! " 
 
 "It w r ould not much signify if he did," 
 rejoined the matron in a tone of disappoint- 
 ment, " for there he is, leading out one of the 
 Miss Millingtons ! I don't know how those 
 girls manage ; there are three of them, and 
 yet they seem always engaged. I'll tell 
 you what, Fanny unless you brighten up 
 a little, and make yourself more agreeable 
 
RECANTATION. 39 
 
 to the young men, I shall leave you at home 
 for the rest of the season. You must talk 
 just look how the Lennoxes are talking 
 away opposite men don't choose to dance 
 with girls now-a-days, unless they find them 
 entertaining." 
 
 "But really, mamma, I never know 
 what to talk about ; they have no subjects 
 of interest in common with me, they don't 
 care about books or ..." 
 
 " Books and nonsense ! Fanny ! I might 
 as well set up a Greek Lexicon in a ball- 
 room as you, for one is really as inanimate 
 as the other ! Talk of the Opera the 
 'Cascine' the Galleries the balls you 
 have been at talk of any thing that your 
 partners can understand, and try to suit 
 your conversation to their taste. You 
 should always looked pleased at whatever 
 they say ; when they laugh at any observa- 
 tion they have just made, mind and laugh 
 too, even if you should not discover the wit 
 of what they have been saying, and so by 
 degrees you will get the character of a live- 
 ly, intelligent girl." 
 
 "Very well, mamma, I'll try," said 
 
40 RECANTATION. 
 
 Fanny, submissively, as she again made an 
 attempt to resume her seat. 
 
 "Stay here," audibly insisted her an- 
 gry parent ; " stay here, miss, whilst I tell 
 you for the hundredth time of that awkward 
 trick of tumbling your dress so shamefully 
 when you sit down, that really when you 
 get up again you are not fit to be seen. 
 Why don't you spread it out gracefully on 
 each side of you, as you see I do ? And 
 then the way you crumple up your hand- 
 kerchief, and your clumsiness in holding 
 your nosegay and fan really it is altogether 
 heart-rending ! " 
 
 "I know, mamma, that it all comes 
 from my want of grace ; but it is difficult 
 to manage so many things cleverly without 
 some practice. When I am more used to 
 going out, I hope I shall do better." 
 
 "I do indeed hope so!" answered her 
 mother dubiously ; "I wish too you could 
 get over that flushing. Dear me ! what a 
 dreadful color you have got ! I wish you 
 had one of those pale skins that look so well 
 by candle-iight, and never suffer from the 
 heat of a ball-room ! Hold your bouquet 
 
RECANTATION. 41 
 
 
 
 close to your face, my dear ; those scarlet 
 Camelias will soften down your complexion 
 a little." 
 
 At this moment a sudden change came 
 over the desponding mother ; she turned 
 eagerly to her daughter, and said in an en- 
 couraging tone " Now, my dear, look 
 pleased and smiling. Don't you see young 
 Lumley coming towards us ? he has dined 
 twice with us lately, so I really think he 
 means to ask you for this quadrille !" 
 
 The object of her solicitude, a young 
 man with a long neck and vacant eyes, 
 now slowly approached them. He was 
 elaborately dressed in the last Parisian 
 fashion, with a rose-colored silk lining to 
 the embroidered folds of his shirt, which 
 was decorated with a large carbuncle set 
 in an eagle's claw, connected by a slender 
 Venetian chain to a gorgeous encrustation 
 of turquoises. Advancing with languor and 
 irresolution, he seemed debating whether 
 the return he was evidently now expected 
 to make, did not outweigh the amount of 
 any trifling obligation he might have incur- 
 
42 RECANTATION. 
 
 red ; once or twice even pausing, and rais- 
 ing his glass to his eye, apparently in 
 search of any other young lady to whom he 
 could transfer his attentions. The music 
 for the quadrille had now commenced, and 
 the poor mamma bit her lips with undis- 
 guised impatience, which soon however 
 changed into exultation as the elegant drew 
 towards Fanny, and in a few unintelligible 
 words requested the pleasure of dancing 
 with her. No time was to be lost, and a 
 monitory push from her mother caused the 
 poor blushing girl to spring from her seat, 
 and place her crimsoned arm within that 
 of the young man, almost before he had 
 ceased speaking. He then, gracefully de- 
 positing his hat and gold headed baguette 
 beneath her chair, led her towards the dan- 
 cers, while mamma hastily followed to 
 shake out the folds of her voluminous and 
 tumbled dress. 
 
 At that moment my own partner, Prince 
 P., hastened me away ; but I still caught a 
 glimpse of the delight painted in the anx- 
 ious parent's countenance, as she sank back 
 
RECANTATION, 43 
 
 in her chair, inexpressibly relieved at hav- 
 ing so far overcome the arduousness of 
 her chaperonial duties. 
 
 The commencement of the Carnival 
 had found me a joyous and simple-hearted 
 girl ; ere its conclusion, I had become the 
 worshipped of a courtly train, the idol of a 
 brilliant society, and involved in an un- 
 ceasing round of amusement and dissipa- 
 tion ; and I had already learnt to look with 
 dread upon any mode of life, that did not 
 hold out the same inducements to pleasure 
 or excitement. 
 
 Our family were general favorites, and 
 universally sought after by the noblest 
 Florentines ; who usually fastidious and re- 
 served in cultivating any acquaintance 
 amongst the English travellers, had warm- 
 ly responded to the letters of introduction 
 with which we had been furnished by in- 
 fluential friends in England. My poor dear 
 father am I not wrong to say aught against 
 him, who, if he erred, erred from excess of 
 love towards me? seemed intoxicated with 
 the success and admiration which had attend- 
 ed my debut, and all his former partiality in 
 
44 RECANTATION. 
 
 favor of the Italians revived from the flat- 
 tering preference they awarded to his dar- 
 ling child. Each day he became more ener- 
 getic in his praises of Florence, and louder in 
 his regrets that I should ever be doomed to 
 exchange the fascinations of my present po- 
 sition, for the formality and constraint of 
 the boursier aristocracy of London. 
 
 During his youth and early residence in 
 Italy, he had been thrown into the society 
 of several of the English nobility then abroad ; 
 and on his return home, it had been his 
 constant effort in some measure to keep up 
 the acquaintance thus commenced. Being 
 a man of cultivated mind, with consider- 
 able knowledge of the fine arts, he was still 
 occasionally noticed by them, particularly 
 where his continental experience could 
 prove useful to any scion of these noble 
 houses, who might chance to be on the eve 
 of commencing his travels. The utmost, 
 however, to which these civilities extended, 
 was an occasional invitation to dinner, ei- 
 ther when the family were alone, or had ask- 
 ed two or three guests to meet him whose 
 acquaintance they had made in a similar 
 
RECANTATION. 45 
 
 manner ; but slighting and disdainful as 
 this might appear, its only effect upon my 
 father was to give him a stronger zest to 
 penetrate further into the charmed circle, 
 from which the middle classes in England 
 are in general so rigorously excluded. 
 
 In our present position a favorable op- 
 portunity was afforded us of intercourse 
 with the numbers of English aristocracy 
 then sojourning in Florence, who seeing us 
 thus noticed and caressed by the Italians, 
 did not deem it derogatory to cultivate our 
 acquaintance ; and my father's proudest 
 wish was at length gratified, by seeing his 
 family placed on terms of intimacy with 
 some of the noblest families of the British 
 peerage. Ephemeral as our intercourse 
 with the latter was likely to prove, it did 
 not promise to be so with the nobility of 
 Tuscany ; and a secret impulse often sug- 
 gested to me, that it would be easy to se- 
 cure a permanent footing in that galaxy of 
 rank and enjoyment ; whilst visions of a 
 Marchesa's coronet at first vague and in- 
 distinct, but gathering truth and consistency 
 
46" RECANTATION. 
 
 from reflection floated constantly before 
 me. 
 
 This is, perhaps, the fatal bait which 
 lures so many young Englishwomen of the 
 middle classes on to their destruction ; for 
 it is useless to deny that the brilliant circles 
 in which they are often thrown whilst on 
 the continent, present a striking contrast to 
 the frigid and artificial society that awaits 
 them on their return to England. A girl in 
 the bloom of youth and beauty, after the 
 wild delight and excitement of a season in 
 an Italian capital, can scarcely appreciate 
 the simple routine of domestic enjoyments 
 which an English hearth affords. Its rigid 
 code of morality, also, though taught by 
 early habit and example, now appears un- 
 charitable and overstrained ; for it is but too 
 true that each day, to those who mix much 
 in the gay circles of the continent, brings 
 additional carelessness and levity, on sub- 
 jects which, in Britain, scarce ever gain ad- 
 mission into the spotless purity of a maid- 
 en's mind. 
 
 Yes, beautiful Florence, City of Flowers ! 
 
RECANTATION. 47 
 
 Love revels amid thy fairy palaces, and 
 Pleasure here presides with undisputed 
 sway ! She weaves chaplets of thy roses to 
 crown her numerous votaries ; she proffers 
 the chalice laden with thy sweets, and 
 they swallow with avidity the intoxicating 
 draught. What if the wreath contain a 
 subtle sting, or the goblet a deadly poison ? 
 Away ! away with such ascetic thoughts ! 
 such pertain to those who have outlived 
 enjoyment not to the gay, the young, the 
 beautiful ! No ; let these run their bright 
 career unchecked and uncontrolled ; let 
 them grace the brilliant ball-room, and 
 throng the crowded promenade, until the 
 charm be broken, the dream dispelled, and 
 they be left with the same dark heritage as 
 I a broken heart, and the prospect of an 
 early grave ! 
 
 One friend alone one true and faithful 
 friend still hovered near me ; who, had I 
 heeded his warnings and advice, would 
 still have snatched me from impending ruin: 
 but I was deaf to his counsels, and the 
 voice of Harcourt almost ceased to be wel- 
 come to my ear. I fancied that I could 
 
48 RECANTATION. 
 
 detect sadness and reproach in his coun- 
 tenance, as I grew impatient at the serious 
 tone his manner had unconsciously assumed: 
 I had now learnt to prefer the gay and sun- 
 ny Florentines to the reserved and haughty 
 Englishman; whose lips alone were silent, 
 amid the unbounded flattery and adultation 
 which were lavished upon me. And yet, 
 with all a woman's heartless vanity, I 
 triumphed at seeing how completely en- 
 slaved and devoted to me he had become ; 
 for, although slighted and neglected, he 
 still continued his visits ; whilst one bright 
 smile, one winning word, could at any time 
 dispel the gloom that had gathered on his 
 brow, and more closely rivet the fetters I 
 had thrown around him. 
 
 About this time, rumor began to unite 
 my name with that of the young Roman 
 Marchese, who, from the night of our first 
 meeting at the "Hitti," engrossed a larger 
 portion of my giddy thoughts than I award- 
 ed to any other of my titled admirers. 
 
 Gifted with a handsome face and com- 
 manding figure, pleasing and graceful man- 
 ners, and a gay and animated disposition, 
 
RECANTATION. 49 
 
 Annibale Trionfi was il Cavaliere piu ricer- 
 cato,* as well as the most unrivalled waltz- 
 er in Florence. He rapidly won upon my 
 notice, and flattered my vanity by the 
 anxiety he always displayed to secure me 
 as a partner ; and the Cotillion we invaria- 
 bly danced together. This gave oppor- 
 tunities for cultivating an acquaintance 
 which soon led to his being a constant and 
 ever welcome visitor at our house, and 
 lent sufficient coloring to the general re- 
 port of our being engaged. Although I 
 laughed at these surmises, my heart con- 
 fessed that such an event was far from im- 
 probable ; as Trionfi, all ardor and im- 
 petuosity, seemed only awaiting a favor- 
 able opportunity, to declare his attachment. 
 That Charles Harcourt was no stranger 
 to these rumors I easily divined, from his 
 looks of unutterable misery, whenever he 
 called and found Trionfi in our drawing- 
 room ; sometimes stationed beside me at 
 the harp, or leaning familiarly over my 
 embroidery frame. Occasionally his better 
 
 * The partner most prized. 
 
50 RECANTATION. 
 
 judgment seemed to struggle against the 
 influence of his hopeless passion ; and he 
 appeared as if determined to fly at once 
 from my presence, and bid me for ever 
 farewell. But I could ill brook any abate- 
 ment of my power ; nor yet, on the other 
 hand, support the idea of his leaving me in 
 displeasure ; for, amidst all my folly, I still 
 retained for him an esteem and respect that 
 made me reluctant to forfeit his good opin- 
 ion, or to resign entirely all interest in his 
 heart. 
 
 One morning he called earlier than 
 usual, and was ushered into the drawing- 
 room, where he found me alone : his man- 
 ner appeared hurried and agitated, and he 
 told me he was come to bid us adieu be- 
 fore starting for England. 
 
 " Are you then about to leave us, Mr. 
 Harcourt?" I exclaimed, and my counte- 
 nance showed that I was really concerned 
 " Oh, do not go so soon, for we cannot 
 afford to lose our best friends thus sud- 
 denly !" 
 
 "Wherever Miss Howard may be, she 
 will surely possess friends, and Heaven . 
 
RECANTATION. 51 
 
 grant they prove as sincerely and truly her 
 well-wishers as myself." 
 
 " Indeed, indeed," I said, while my 
 eyes involuntarily filled with tears, "I feel 
 you have always been most kind, as well 
 as most sincere ; and if occasionally I seem- 
 ed a little petulant and wayward when you 
 gave me advice, I hope you will forgive 
 me, Mr. Harcourt, and sometimes think of 
 the wilful girl you used to school so gently. 
 We part friends do we not ?" As I spoke 
 I extended my hand towards him, which, 
 to my surprise, he passionately kissed j and 
 then, retaining it within his own, 
 
 " Mary, dear Mary," he said in a low 
 musical voice, the remembrance of which, 
 even now, thrills through my brain, " you 
 know you have long known how deeply, 
 how fervently I love you ; and, if I have 
 hitherto been silent, it was because all hope 
 had long since fled ; and I could not sum- 
 mon courage irrevocably to know my fate. 
 But now may I dare to plead my cause, 
 and offer you a heart whose every joy is 
 centred in you whose only study would 
 be your happiness ? I am not worthy of 
 
52 RECANTATION. 
 
 you, sweet Mary, yet despise me not for 
 that this very feeling would but render 
 me more completely yours. You have not 
 heard from me the language of adoration 
 which others lavish upon you ; but oh , my love 
 is far deeper, and far, very far, more sincere ! 
 I have listened to each word that fell from 
 your lips, and treasured its echoes like 
 music to my soul ; I have gazed upon your 
 angel-face, till I seemed to read the spirit 
 that spoke within. I have suffered, oh ! 
 tortures, when I feared your young and 
 guileless nature was being perverted by 
 the artificial glare of your present position. 
 But forgive rne, most beautiful and loved ! 
 forgive me for permitting even a wandering 
 thought to blame you ! And now, if I am 
 not deceived if that sweet look, those hea- 
 venly tears, have not been misinterpreted 
 
 if I may dare to hope " And as he 
 
 spoke, growing more earnest in his impas- 
 sioned pleadings, he drew closer towards 
 me, whilst I, mute and conscience-stricken, 
 did not venture to reply. " Say, might I 
 dare to hope that one day it may be given 
 me to call you mine, and prove, by a life of 
 
RECANTATION. 53 
 
 entire devotion, my gratitude for the price- 
 less boon ? . . . Speak, Mary speak but 
 one word, and make me blessed for ever!" 
 
 I hastily turned from him, whilst my 
 blanched and quivering lips strove to utter a 
 refusal. Broken and inarticulate as were 
 the sounds, he heard them but too plainly ; 
 and I never, never shall forget the look of 
 intense and reproachful sorrow which then 
 clouded his face, nor the calm manliness 
 and simplicity of his concluding address. 
 
 "It is enough," he said bitterly; " and 
 it was fitting that one who could be sway- 
 ed and influenced to the last by a woman's 
 smile, should find the feeble strand had 
 snapped to which his fondest hopes were 
 bound, and shipwreck made of all his 
 happiness on earth !" But almost instantly 
 this unwonted sternness forsook him, and 
 his voice, although trembling with emotion, 
 sank to its usual soft and melodious ac- 
 cents. 
 
 "Farewell! farewell, Miss Howard; 
 we now forever part ! You have told me 
 frankly and explicitly that you could give 
 no hope that your resolution is irrevocable 
 
54 RECANTATION. 
 
 say, is it so ?" My lips moved to con- 
 firm my previous decision. " Yes !" he 
 resumed, " farewell it then must be a 
 long, a sad farewell ! I shall never see 
 you more, sweet Mary, in our own Eng- 
 land, where I would have you dwell its 
 fairest flower ! You have fixed on the 
 bright south for your abode, and Italy, you 
 tell me, is now your destined home. Heav- 
 en grant its glad and sunny skies will ever 
 shine reflected in your own dear heart 
 that they who henceforth are to be your 
 chosen friends, with their sweet and flow- 
 ery words, bright and sparkling as their 
 fairy clime, will prove as constant and sin- 
 cere as the cold and despised Englishman ; 
 and may he to whom you have given your 
 young affections, value them as highly, and 
 love you but half so well, as I. Once more 
 once more, farewell!" 
 
 Again he took my hand, pressed on it a 
 long, fervent, lingering kiss, and then hur- 
 ried madly from the room. I stood motion- 
 less for a few moments, as if bewildered 
 and confused, with a vague, undefinable 
 pensation of sorrow and remorse at all the 
 
TTK 
 
 RECANTATION. 55 
 
 unhappiness I had produced. Once, al- 
 most unconsciously, I moved towards the 
 window, as if to recall him, although with 
 no fixed or certain purpose ; but the hasti- 
 ly-formed resolution faded instantly away, 
 as my eyes fell upon the figure of the Mar- 
 chese at our door, in the act of dismounting 
 from his horse. 
 
 Harcourt brushed past him, while Tri- 
 onfi, with the perfect grace and self-posses- 
 sion I had so often admired, bowed to the 
 young Englishman. The latter was too 
 violently agitated to notice him, excepting 
 by a slight and hurried inclination, as he 
 pulled his hat lower over his brows, and 
 hastened down the street ; he cast, however, 
 one backward glance before disappearing, 
 and saw me in the act of smiling upon his 
 successful rival. That sight must have ad- 
 ded tenfold bitterness to his disappoint- 
 ment ! 
 
 Trionfi looked after him with a con- 
 temptuous sneer ; and then again turning 
 his eyes upwards, a bright and delighted 
 smile lit up his countenance, when he per- 
 ceived that I was still gazing upon him. 
 
56 RECANTATION. 
 
 An instant afterwards he entered the draw- 
 ing-room. 
 
 " What have you done to the Pretino ?"* 
 he inquired gaily; "he was even more brus- 
 que and unmannerly than usual . . . ma belliss- 
 ma, che hai dunque ?" he said anxiously, for I 
 had not yet entirely recovered from my 
 previous agitation ; " he has been sermon- 
 izing you you are sad those beautiful 
 eyes are dimmed with tears;- deny it not," 
 he added, as he drew closer to me, and 
 sank his voice almost to a whisper ; " deny 
 it notnulla pud celarsi air occhio dell 
 amante"^ 
 
 I started, and felt the warm blood man- 
 tling in my cheeks and forehead, beneath 
 the speaking eloquence and passion of his 
 gaze. 
 
 Si, &i, lo sai!" exclaimed Trionfi, as, 
 sinking on his knee, he poured forth, in the 
 beautiful and poetic language of his coun- 
 try, the avowal of his love. Oh ! moments 
 of wild and delirious happiness, too dearly 
 
 * Young clergyman. 
 
 t Nought can be concealed from the eye of a lover. 
 
RECANTATION. 57 
 
 purchased ; and deep and solemn vows, too 
 soon forgotten ! what avails it now to re- 
 call the words by which I plighted my 
 faith to his, and promised to become the 
 Italian's bride ? And when, in answer to 
 my timid and whispered confession, that 
 his attachment was requited, he repeated 
 with transport, " Ah dunque vivrai per 
 V Italia ! Ah dunque vivrai per me /"* no 
 dark presentiment, no secret foreboding, 
 overshadowed my intense and confiding 
 happiness. 
 
 With feelings widely different from each 
 other, did my dear parents receive the an- 
 nouncement of my engagement. As my 
 father folded me to his heart, and kissed me 
 with fond pride and exultation, he already 
 seemed to view the coronet encircling my 
 brow, and to have attained the summit of 
 his ambition ; but my mother grew sad and 
 pensive, whilst, as I threw my arms around 
 her, and hid my blushing face in her bosom, 
 her warm tears fell fast and thick upon me. 
 
 "I ought to have foreseen this," she mur- 
 
 *Then thou wilt live for Italy ; thou wilt live for mei 
 4 
 
58 RECANTATION. 
 
 mured, "and not have clouded your happi- 
 ness, sweet child, with tears and vain re- 
 grets ! Your father has at once given his 
 consent ; he loves you as well as I, and 
 judges better perhaps for your future wel- 
 fare ; therefore, I must also be contented. 
 Yet tell me, Mary and tell me truly, dear- 
 est do you love him well enough to forsake 
 all else besides ? Remember, darling, the 
 time may come when sickness and sorrow 
 will overtake you, with no mother near to 
 smooth your pillow, to watch and pray be- 
 side you, and bear with the waywardness 
 and caprice of her spoilt and petted child ; 
 for you will be alone in a land of strangers, 
 with nought to look to or rely upon but your 
 husband ! " 
 
 " And will he not be all in all to me, my 
 mother ? " I whispered. 
 
 " God grant he may, my child! but still 
 I tremble for you. The husband cannot 
 always remain a lover, and cold and cutting 
 words will sometimes come from lips which 
 once could utter nought save gentleness and 
 love ; those eyes now beaming with tender- 
 ness will gaze less kindly than of yore; and 
 
RECANTATION. 59 
 
 then you will feel desolate and sad, and yet 
 there will be none to soothe your sorrow, to 
 kiss away your tears, and love you as only 
 I can love ! my child ! my child ! " 
 
 " Mother, mother, do not weep so bitter- 
 ly ! " I exclaimed, as, sinking on my knees, 
 I buried my face in her lap, in the favorite 
 position of my childhood. " Bless me, dear- 
 est mother, and smile upon me once more ! " 
 
 " God bless you, dearest," she said gen- 
 tly, as she raised my face in her hands, and 
 gazed fondly and stedfastly upon me. 
 " May He for ever bless you, and lead you 
 calmly and peacefully through your earthly 
 pilgrimage. I will no longer weep, but 
 pray for you, and Heaven in its mercy, will 
 surely hearken to a mother's prayers ! " 
 
 " But, dear mamma, you have not yet 
 smiled. Ah ! that was too sad a smile for 
 me ! Kiss me, sweet mother, and say you 
 are not angry with your Mary ! " 
 
 "Angry with you, my child? I could 
 not be so even if I would ; but still I grieve 
 that your lot is cast so far from your native 
 land ; with one, too, of a different creed." 
 
 "Nay, dear mamma, it is but a difference 
 
60 RECANTATION. 
 
 in outward forms ; the leading principles of 
 both religions are alike. We shall be united 
 in the true spirit of Christianity, and go hand 
 in hand towards heaven ! " 
 
 As she listened to me a gentle smile stole 
 over her features ; her angelic countenance 
 resumed its sweet and placid expression, 
 and clasping me again to her bosom, she 
 sealed her consent by kisses on my brow. 
 
 I now appeared in Florence in a new and 
 interesting character thai of a Promessa 
 Sposa. My friends united in warm congra- 
 tulations, and seemed to vie with each 
 other in shedding joy and sunshine over this 
 eventful period of my life. I was welcomed 
 by all with the most flattering distinction, 
 and excitement and delight every where 
 awaited me. The wedding preparations, 
 which I entered into with girlish vanity, 
 had already been commenced ; when a 
 sudden and unlooked-for obstacle presented 
 itself, which at first threatened all my hopes 
 with annihilation. 
 
 The Marchesa Onoria Trionfi, mother of 
 my betrothed, a woman of violent temper 
 and strong prejudices, peremptorily refused 
 
RECANTATION. 61 
 
 her consent to his union with a heretic ; nor 
 could all his arguments and entreaties in- 
 duce her to relent, or revoke her determina- 
 tion, that unless I consented to change my 
 religion and become a Roman Catholic, she 
 would never receive me as a daughter. She 
 was the sole heiress of an ancient family of 
 Romagna, and had brought her husband con- 
 siderable estates in that country, of which 
 his death again left her in uncontrolled pos- 
 session ; these she now threatened to be- 
 queath to some religious institution, should 
 her son presume to disobey her. 
 
 My father now sent her a proposition of 
 increasing my dowry, if she would but 
 waive the contested point, and consent to 
 our applying to the Roman see for a dispen- 
 sation. She was absent from Florence at 
 that time, and we endured some days of in- 
 tense anxiety ere her answer could arrive ; 
 when at length we did receive it, my heart 
 seemed to die within me, as I read the brief 
 but imperious manner in which she convey- 
 ed her refusal. " She would scorn to barter 
 her son's immortal soul for English gold ! " 
 
 I had be^" brought up in the tenets of the 
 
62 RECANTATION. 
 
 Church of England, and had received what 
 is commonly considered a religious educa- 
 tion; but still a stedfast and unwavering 
 adherence to the Protestant faith had not 
 been sufficiently inculcated in early youth, 
 to make me resolute in spurning the idea, 
 even of the possibillity, of forsaking it. It is 
 true that I at first trembled at the thought, 
 and dared not lift my eyes from the ground, 
 lest my mother's anxious gaze should divine 
 what was passing in my mind ; yet the se- 
 cret impulse grew daily stronger, and the 
 fervor with which Trionfi urged his suit, 
 entreating me to accede to his mother's 
 wishes, and not blight his happiness for ever, 
 sank deeper and deeper into my heart. 
 
 Torn by conflicting emotions, with love 
 and gratified ambition on the one hand, and 
 mortification and disappointment awaiting 
 me on the other, I endured a few days of 
 anguish and uncertainty : but where the 
 affections alone are consulted, the arguments 
 of reason are little heeded ; and hurried on 
 by a fatal infatuation, I at length succeeded 
 in reconciling my conscience to the change 
 proposed. 
 
RECANTATION, 63 
 
 My poor father, led away by the splen- 
 dor of the projected alliance, had been 
 grieved and disappointed at the occurrence 
 which so unexpectedly thwarted all his 
 expectations ; he also mourned over the 
 change this short period of sorrow and 
 anxiety had already effected in my appear- 
 ance, and trembled at the consequences this 
 early blighting of my hopes might produce 
 on my warm and susceptible temperament. 
 Naturally careless on serious subjects, far 
 from opposing my wishes, he rejoiced that 
 my happiness would be again secured by 
 merely changing, as he argued, a few out- 
 ward forms of religious worship. 
 
 But it was my mother whom I dreaded 
 now ! my fond and gentle mother ! I dared 
 not tell her of my resolution, and entreated 
 my father to communicate the intelligence ; 
 whilst I fled like a guilty thing from her 
 presence, and tremblingly awaited her de- 
 cision. As I anticipated, her usually calm 
 and yielding spirit for the first time rebelled 
 against her husband's wishes ; she firmly 
 refused to sanction my apostacy, and for- 
 
64 RECANTATION. 
 
 bade the continuance of Trionfi's visits at 
 our house. My anguish, my expostulations 
 were now of no avail : wretchedness and 
 mistrust seemed to have taken possession 
 of our once happy home ; dissension had 
 sprung up between my parents, and I 
 noticed that my mother was constantly in 
 tears. Meantime, unaccustomed to be 
 thwarted in any impulse, I felt the present 
 disappointment so keenly that it preyed 
 upon my health, and ere long I turned my 
 pale face to the wall, and fancied that my 
 heart was breaking. 
 
 As soon as I became really ill, all the 
 unwonted differences between my parents 
 were forgotten in their anxiety for me ; and 
 my mother, fearful of the consequences, 
 should she persist in her refusal, at length 
 yielded the point, and granted her consent 
 to my becoming a member of the Church of 
 Rome. 
 
 No boon ever yet conceded to mortal was 
 welcomed with more extravagant delight 
 none ever more gratefully acknowledged. 
 I knelt at her feet in rapturous joy, and re- 
 peatedly called her my guardian angel, my 
 

 RECANTATION. 65 
 
 preserver, who had snatched me from im- 
 pending despair and death; while the happi- 
 ness of again being permitted to see my 
 lover, together with the certainty that no 
 earthly power could now prevent our union, 
 completely extinguished any scruples that 
 lingered in my bosom, at the thoughts of 
 the renunciation I was about to make. 
 
 Sometimes my mother, as if unable en- 
 tirely to repress her feelings, would entreat 
 me to reflect whether I could reconcile the 
 tenets of my future religion with my con- 
 science ; and bade me remember that the 
 faith of my fathers ought not to be lightly 
 cast aside, like a garb unsuited to the clime 
 in which I was to dwell. I used then to 
 exert myself to dispel her prejudices, as I 
 had learnt to term them, and strove to prove 
 how grossly exaggerated were the views 
 she entertained of the tenets and belief of 
 the Roman Catholics. We were neither of 
 us much versed in controversial arguments, 
 and my mother in particular, like many 
 Protestants, beyond a few of the leading 
 points of dispute, was ignorant of all that 
 constituted the difference between fr* two 
 4* 
 
66 RECANTATION. 
 
 religions ; merely entertaining a general ab- 
 horrence of what she imagined were the 
 idolatries and superstitions of Popery. The 
 arguments she used to bring forward I was 
 now sufficiently acquainted with Romanism 
 to answer and confute ; for the plausible 
 reasoning of an English Roman Catholic 
 Bishop, who had lately made our acquaint- 
 ance, had proved sufficient to satisfy any 
 objections to his creed, that my excited and 
 pre-occupied feelings gave me either leisure 
 or inclination to raise, or to reflect upon. 
 Dr. H. was a man of gentle and insinuating 
 address, with all the bland and courtly re- 
 finement and dignified deportment which 
 generally mark the astute and enterprising 
 English Propagandist. When it began to 
 be rumored abroad that it was possible I 
 might be induced to change my religion, he 
 contrived as if unpremeditatedly to draw 
 me into a conversation on the subject, and 
 ascertain the depth and nature of my theo- 
 logical knowledge, before commencing any 
 course of instruction. 
 
 It seems ungrateful and invidious to ac- 
 cuse this zealous and gifted ecclesiastic, 
 
RECANTATION. 67 
 
 during the brief period of his tuition, of 
 omitting and misrepresenting many of the 
 tenets inculcated by his Church : I say it 
 not as any exculpation of myself, for at that 
 time, alas ! my thoughts were far too en- 
 grossed by a headlong passion, or occupied 
 with wordly projects and pursuits, to give 
 much attention to "The One Thing need- 
 ful;" but still, as a warning to the many 
 who are daily following my example, I must 
 declare, that the doctrines I then was taught 
 and the practices I afterwards witnessed 
 were widely and fearfully at variance. 
 
 In reply one day to my mother's asser- 
 tion that the worship of images was incul- 
 cated by the Church of Rome, I indignant- 
 ly repelled the charge, and exclaimed 
 " Indeed, indeed, mamma, you are griev- 
 ously deceived ! Dr. H. himself told me 
 that the Catholics have been most unwar- 
 ^ rantably accused on this subject ; he said it 
 was a fiend-like, malicious charge, and 
 grieved that Christian men could bear such 
 false witness against their neighbors." 
 
 " Well then, tell me, Mary, why do they 
 break the commandment, < Thou shalt not 
 
68 RECANTATION. 
 
 make to thyself any graven image,' and per- 
 sist in adorning their churches with innume- 
 rable statues and pictures ?" 
 
 " Nay, mamma, recollect what follows, 
 * and bow down to them and worship them/ 
 it was to that the prohibition related, for 
 did not Moses, almost immediately after- 
 wards, make two cherubims of gold for 
 the ark ? and, above all, remember that he 
 made a brazen serpent in the wilderness, 
 and set it up for a sign, ' which when they 
 that were bitten looked upon it, they lived.'* 
 Thus it is clearly proved that the prohibi- 
 tion did not extend to these being used as 
 religious memorials, but against their being 
 served and adored as by the heathen." 
 
 " Then you are quite certain that the 
 Romanists do not worship, or invoke, the 
 images and relics with which their church- 
 es are filled ? " 
 
 "Assuredly not, mamma ! Would you 
 have them no better than idolaters ? " 
 
 " I am glad and thankful it is so, dear- 
 est," was her gentle answer ; " and I would 
 
 * Numb. xxi. 8, 9, 
 
RECANTATION. 69 
 
 it were the same with the adoration paid to 
 the Virgin and the Saints." 
 
 "And who can prove that any of the 
 Catholics ever address the saints, or entreat 
 any act of favor from them, excepting 
 through the merits of our Saviour ? They 
 only ask for their intercession on their be- 
 half, as St. Paul demands the prayers of his 
 brethren, in all his epistles. Does not St. 
 James tell us that ' the prayer of a righteous 
 man availeth much ? ' and what difference 
 can it make, if that righteous man be still 
 living on earth, or numbered with the 
 blessed?" 
 
 My mother sighed, and after a pause 
 resumed : " Did you ask Dr. H. why mass 
 was celebrated in Latin, a language the 
 people cannot understand, when the gift of 
 tongues was bestowed expressly upon the 
 Apostles, that they might preach the Gos- 
 pel in all parts, and amongst all nations ? " 
 
 " Yes ; and he proved to me, that as the 
 language of their Liturgy has descended as 
 a precious legacy from the time when St. 
 Peter and St. Paul preached in Rome, so it 
 would be incongruous now to perform it in 
 
70 RECANTATION. 
 
 a modern tongue. Like her Divine found- 
 er, the Church of Rome is the same yester- 
 day and to-day unchanged and unaffected 
 by the wayward caprices of fashion. Be- 
 sides which, you well know that tranlations 
 of the Liturgy are always published for 
 those who are unacquainted with Latin, so 
 that they may either join in the prayers of 
 the Church, or say any others their own 
 devotion may suggest." 
 
 " I see you are satisfied with your new 
 religion, my dear child ; and if all that you 
 tell me be really true, I own that I have 
 been mistaken and prejudiced in many re- 
 spects. I am not, however, sufficiently ac- 
 quainted with controversy to question any 
 of the statements you have brought for- 
 ward ; for I never thought to see the day 
 when my only daughter should stand up as 
 the advocate and defender of a different 
 
 faith from mine ! " 
 
 
 
 " But the difference is so slight, dearest 
 mother ! " I exclaimed sorrowfully. " Lis- 
 ten to me." 
 
 "It cannot be it cannot be," she re- 
 peated, as she paced the room in great agi- 
 
RECANTATION. 71 
 
 tation ; "Why should so many martyrs 
 have braved the most cruel persecution, 
 and sealed their sincerity with their blood, 
 if the doctrines, to which they were requir- 
 ed to subscribe, had differed so little from 
 their own ? " 
 
 " Those were the days of ignorance and 
 superstition," I replied, " and cannot afford 
 any criterion ; look, on the contrary, to the 
 present times do we not see the number 
 of conversions yearly increasing ? Are not 
 many Protestants constantly returning to 
 the bosom of the mother Church ? " 
 
 " I am not competent to argue with you, 
 Mary, as you well know ; yet, oh, there is 
 one tenet of your new creed fearfully at va- 
 riance with the Protestant belief! Is it true 
 that the consecrated wafer, used in the 
 Communion, is commanded to be worship- 
 ped and adored as the real, the very body 
 of our blessed Lord ? " 
 
 " Mother," I said hurriedly, " it is true. 
 It is the Redeemer himself, who is there 
 present under the appearance of bread and 
 wine, according to his all-powerful and Di- 
 vine words, ' This is my body which is 
 
72 RECANTATION. 
 
 given for you, this is my blood which is 
 shed for you.' And our Saviour also says, 
 ' He who eateth of this bread shall live for- 
 ever ; and the bread that I give is my flesh 
 for the life of the world.' " * 
 
 " And this, then, is the doctrine of the 
 REAL CORPOREAL PRESENCE," said my mo- 
 ther with a sigh ; " and all true Catholics 
 must stedfastly believe that the wafer, by 
 the prayer of consecration, can be convert- 
 ed by the ministering priest into the body 
 of our Saviour, and the wine into his blood 
 and wherefore ?" 
 
 " As a propitiatory service for the liv- 
 ing and the dead ;" to use Dr. H.'s own ex- 
 pression, " Christ continues on our altars 
 to offer to his Eternal Father, on our behalf, 
 the sufferings and death He once under- 
 went on the cross, while at the same time 
 4 he appears in the presence of God for us' t 
 in heaven." 
 
 "Surely," said my mother, " there are 
 many passages in the New Testament op- 
 posed to this doctrine ; are we not taught 
 
 * St. John vi. 51. t Heb. ix. 24. 
 
RECANTATION. 73 
 
 to look upon our Saviour's atonement as a 
 thing past and finished ? Does not St- 
 Paul say that 'Christ was offered once to 
 bear the sins of many?'* but I feel, with 
 grief and humiliation, that my scriptural 
 knowledge is far too limited to attempt any 
 reply to the arguments in which you have 
 been instructed. Poor child ! you have 
 learnt your lesson well ! " she added bitter- 
 ly, as turning from me in unavailing sor- 
 row she presently quitted the room, and 
 never afterwards renewed the discussion. 
 
 The preparations for my marriage were 
 now actively carried on, and excited a de- 
 gree of interest among my Italian acquain- 
 tances which, they repeatedly assured me, 
 could only be equalled by the delight they 
 felt at the prospect of soon welcoming me 
 as one of themselves, and securing my per- 
 manent establishment in Florence. My 
 dear father's liberality knew no bounds, and 
 the splendor of my trousseau, and all my 
 other bridal equipments, occasioned univer- 
 sal admiration and surprise. Some un- 
 
 * Heb. ix. 28. 
 
74 RECANTATION. 
 
 looked-for circumstances meantime impera- 
 tively required my father's presence in Eng- 
 land, from whence every hour's delay be- 
 came prejudicial to his interests ; it was ar- 
 ranged therefore that my parents should 
 quit Florence immediately after my mar- 
 riage, whilst I was to set out with my hus- 
 band for an estate of the Trionfi family, 
 near Pistoja. And thus, ere many weeks 
 had passed, the long-looked for and event- 
 ful evening arrived, on which the nuptial 
 contract was to be signed. This ceremony 
 in Italy is always conducted with great 
 magnificence, and attended with more festi- 
 vities and rejoicing than the solemnization 
 of the rites of the Church, which are always 
 performed within a few days afterwards. 
 
 The most distinguished friends of both 
 families were invited to grace this impor- 
 tant ceremony with their presence ; and it 
 was not until all were assembled that my 
 father joyfully summoned me to appear. 
 
 He found me standing before the mirror, 
 while the last glittering bracelet was being 
 fastened around my arm, and my eyes dwelt 
 with delight and gratified ambition upon the 
 
RECANTATION. 75 
 
 coronet embroidered on my handkerchief. 
 It was mine now that pretty bauble for 
 which I had sacrificed so much ! I was 
 splendidly dressed, and radiant with jew- 
 els ; and as my father proudly led me into 
 the crowded saloon, a murmur of admiration 
 burst from the entire assemblage. No de- 
 lay was, however, permitted me to receive 
 their congratulations, for Trionfi impatiently 
 darted to my side, and hurried me onward 
 through our drawing-rooms, which were 
 brilliantly lit up and decorated with the 
 choicest flowers, to the last of the suite, 
 where I found the chief notary of Florence 
 awaiting me. 
 
 He was seated at a large table, covered 
 with papers and documents : before him 
 were placed two rows of sealed bags, filled 
 with money ; these contained half of my 
 stipulated dowry, the remainder of which 
 was not to be paid until after my father's 
 death. A chair was assigned to me on the 
 right hand of the civic functionary, around 
 whom were grouped several lawyers, his as- 
 sistants, and those friends who had been 
 selected to act as witnesses to the contract. 
 
76 RECANTATION. 
 
 I had no sooner taken my seat, than my im- 
 petuous lover, as if jealous of even a mo- 
 ment's delay, signed to the notary to com- 
 mence. In a rapid and monotonous tone 
 he then read all the articles of the marriage 
 settlement, where every "minutiae" relating 
 to the disposal of my property, the allow- 
 ance for my dress, the scale of my future 
 expenditure, even to the number of my 
 personal attendants, were severally enumer- 
 ated and distinctly specified. At length 
 . the wearying recapitulation was concluded, 
 the customary formalities all gone through, 
 and with trembling joy I obeyed the sum- 
 mons to sign my name beneath the loved 
 characters of my betrothed. 
 
 Trionfi stood beside me whilst I wrote, 
 and when the last characters had been 
 traced by my pen, he murmured in those 
 sweet yet impassioned accents which alone 
 can reach the ear of love " Ora sei mia 
 mia, per sempre / " * 
 
 Oh, moments of happiness and joy ! but 
 fleeting, alas ! as they were bright ! When 
 
 * Now thou art mine forever. 
 
RECANTATION. 77 
 
 all that earth could give all that the heart 
 could hope for seemed centred in the love 
 I bore to him who now hung over me, 
 breathing forth vows of attachment so ar- 
 dent, so devoted, that I fondly imagined 
 
 they never could be broken ! 
 
 ***** 
 
 Brightly dawned my bridal-day, with 
 such beauty in the soft blue sky, such life 
 and gladness in the sparkling sunbeams, 
 that even a less buoyant spirit than mine 
 would have viewed in that bright May 
 morning, a shadowing forth of future hap- 
 piness. 
 
 When I first opened my eyes, I per- 
 ceived that my mother was bending over 
 me, watching my light and disturbed slum- 
 bers with the same care and tenderness as 
 she had often bestowed on me in infancy. 
 There were traces of tears upon her cheeks, 
 but she hastily brushed them away, as she 
 stooped down and fondly kissed my fore- 
 head. 
 
 " Is it late, is it late ! dear mamma ! " 
 I exclaimed, starting hurriedly from my 
 pillow ; " I have slept too long ? " 
 
78 RECANTATION. 
 
 " No, love," she replied soothingly, 
 "it is yet early, but I could not sleep, and 
 so, as soon as the morning dawned, I came 
 here to look at you while you slept, and 
 listen to your gentle breathing perhaps for 
 the last time ! " 
 
 A choking sensation rose in my throat, 
 and a tightness seemed to come round my 
 heart, when I remembered that in a few 
 hours I should be far separated from this 
 loving and devoted mother ; and for an in- 
 stant all other feelings were forgotten, as I 
 threw myself on her bosom and wept bit- 
 terly. 
 
 But my mother had evidently determin- 
 ed to place a strong restraint upon herself, 
 and displayed in that moment of trial the 
 perfect sweetness of her character, for see- 
 ing me in sorrow, she strove for my sake to 
 master her own emotion ; and now kissing 
 away my tears, she said, "You have been 
 smiling so sweetly in your sleep, dearest 
 child ! Surely it was some happy dream 
 which brought that smile ?" 
 
 "Ah, yes! dearest mother," I whisper- 
 ed as I wound my arms around her neck, 
 
RECANTATION. 79 
 
 and nestled closer to her "You see now 
 that it is no vain delusion, no imaginary at- 
 tachment ! for indeed, indeed, I must love 
 him well, if for his sake I can leave you 
 mv own dear mamma ! " 
 
 " Sweet child ! May you ever feel as 
 you do now, and love your husband better 
 than aught else on earth; for it would 
 be selfish to wish to steal any of that 
 warm young heart's affections from one 
 who must soon be father, mother, all and 
 every thing to you ! Yes, Mary ! I pray 
 it may be always thus that your husband 
 may always be as loved and thought upon 
 as now!" 
 
 Again she pressed me convulsively to her 
 heart, and then parting the hair 0:1 my fore- 
 head, gazed long and fondly upon me, while 
 her lips appeared to move in silent prayer. 
 At this moment a knock was heard at the 
 door, and my Cameriera Annina, all smiles 
 ELndfelicitazione, entered the room. 
 
 "It is time to rise, love," said my mother 
 hurriedly, as if to dispel the sadness of her 
 reflections; "and I will hasten away to 
 complete my own arrangements, 'that I may 
 
80 RECANTATION. 
 
 be in time to superintend your toilet, for I 
 must dress my Mary on her wedding-day ! " 
 As she moved towards the door, her eyes 
 fell upon the painful array of half-packed 
 trunks and boxes that were scattered about 
 the room ; I saw her tremble and turn pale, 
 but she endeavored to repress her emotion, 
 and once more turning towards me, she 
 said hesitatingly " I have put up your 
 Bible and Prayer-book amongst your other 
 things ; for my sake perhaps you will read 
 them sometimes, that is that is if you 
 
 will be allowed to do so " and as she 
 
 hurried away, the sound of her suppressed 
 but bitter sobs came sadly on my ear. 
 
 A momentary gloom and depression 
 seemed to overshadow me, and I fancied 
 that the bright and cheerful sky must have 
 become clouded ; I threw open the window 
 and gazed on the blue heavens they were 
 as glorious as before, and the sunbeams 
 danced and sparkled on the dew-spangled 
 foliage in the garden beneath. Where was 
 the darkness then ? Shall I anwer ? deep 
 in the recesses of my heart ! 
 
 The gay prattle of my attendant was 
 
RECANTATION. 81 
 
 now disregarded ; and I became so listless 
 and absorbed in my own reflections, that 
 when my mother's maid appeared to give 
 her advice and assistance in the momentous 
 business of the toilet, she seemed mortified 
 and surprised at the unwonted langor and 
 indifference I displayed. 
 
 I sat still and motionless whilst they were 
 busied in the arrangement of my hair; 
 plunged in a deep and sorrowful reverie, 
 during which, memory brought forward in 
 fearful array all the faults of my wayward 
 youth, and recalled the many times I had 
 caused grief and uneasiness to that dear 
 being from whom I was so soon to part. I 
 was so absorbed as not to be aware of my 
 mother's entrance, nor even to hear her 
 light footstep, until I felt her small trembling 
 hand rest upon my cheek as she gently 
 smoothed the braids of my hair. 
 
 Oh, who can mistake a mother's touch ? 
 So soft, so loving, that it thrills to the very 
 heart, like strains of sweetest music ! like 
 those, too, leaving, when the reality has for 
 ever passed away, its mournful echoes float- 
 ing on the soul, and melting it to sadness ! 
 
82 RECANTATION. 
 
 I snatched that dear hand, and kissed it 
 again and again, whilst anguish such as I 
 little thought to have experienced on my 
 bridal-day filled my heart, when I contem- 
 plated our approaching separation. 
 
 She did not speak, but continued adjust- 
 ing my hair with nervous precision ; her 
 fingers lingering about each tress and braid 
 as if unwilling to bid any of them farewell, 
 till at length a message from my father, an- 
 nouncing that the appointed hour had nearly 
 arrived, compelled her to relinquish her 
 employment. 
 
 Behold me now as I- stood before the 
 mirror, in a robe of white satin, trimmed 
 with costly blonde and orange-blossoms ; the 
 bridal wreath encircling my brows, and a rich 
 veil falling gracefully almost to the ground. 
 It was the realization of many a maiden's 
 dream ! and as I viewed it, and thought on 
 him to whom I was shortly to be united, 
 my lip regained its smile, and my eye its 
 brightness. 
 
 But time pressed ; the two or three friends 
 who were to accompany us had already ar- 
 rived, and I was hurried into the carriage 
 
RECANTATION. 83 
 
 with my parents, whilst the others followed 
 in our train. The distance to the archbish- 
 op's palace, where both ceremonials were 
 to take place, was but short, and we none 
 of us spoke during the drive ; even my 
 father, until then so elated and self-pos- 
 sessed, now seemed nervous and agitated ; 
 my mother, pale and trembling, was the 
 first to break the silence, as we drove 
 through the arched gateway into the court- 
 yard, where notwithstanding the early hour, 
 a crowd was already assembled. In a voice 
 almost inarticulate with emotion, she said, 
 "I wonder if if it will take long." I 
 knew too well to what she alluded ; and I 
 grew sick and faint as the thought of what 
 I was about to do, and the approaching 
 renunciation of my native creed, rose fear- 
 fully before me. My father understood her 
 also, and almost angrily exclaimed, " Non- 
 sense, nonsense ! 'tis only a mere form." 
 
 Two or three empty carriages were stand- 
 ing in the yard, announcing that Trionfi and 
 his friends had been more pu-nctual to their 
 time than we ; and this increased my fath- 
 er's anxiety and impatience, as we hastily 
 
84 RECANTATION. 
 
 alighted and proceeded to ascend the noble 
 staircase. 
 
 The people gathered round, gazing eager- 
 ly upon us, and murmurs of " Ecco la sposa, 
 Maria la benedica! Che angiola ! "* passed 
 from one to the other. At this instant Tri- 
 onfi, who had become almost frantic at the 
 delay, now flew to welcome our appearance ; 
 the sound of his voice, the sight of his hand- 
 some and noble countenance, at once dis- 
 pelled all my melancholy, and again I thought 
 only of how sweet that life must prove, 
 which would henceforth be passed near him. 
 
 We were now conducted to the presence 
 of the archbishop, who received us in the 
 beautiful chapel attached to the episcopal 
 palace. He was an old man of venerable 
 and commanding appearance ; but I shrank 
 from the penetrating glance of his cold grey 
 eyes, which seemed to dive into the secrets 
 of my soul, and read the tumult of conflicting 
 passions which raged and worked within ; 
 while his thin lips were firmly compressed, 
 as if to conceal the scornful smile that his 
 
 * There's the bride ; may Mary bless her ! What an 
 angel ! 
 
RECANTATION. ' 85 
 
 investigation had called up. After a few 
 preliminaries had been gone through, he 
 ascended the steps of the altar, and one of 
 the assistant priests advanced with a paper, 
 which he presented to the archbishop with 
 marks of the deepest reverence and humi- 
 lity. 
 
 My head swam my knees tottered, 
 yet I mechanically approached, and receiv- 
 ed the document from his hands ; then, 
 with blanched lips and faltering voice, I 
 proceeded to read my RECANTATION. 
 
 " Omnipotent ! ever eternal God ! mer- 
 cifully receive this thy creature snatched 
 from the jaws of the INFERNAL DESTROYER, 
 and admit her, through Thy great goodness, 
 into Thy flock, that the enemy may have no 
 occasion to triumph in the condemnation of 
 Thy family ; but from her deliverance, 
 Thy Church, as a pious mother, may rejoice 
 in the recovery of an erring child. 
 
 " Lord, who in Thy great mercy dost 
 succor man, made in Thine own image, 
 by Thee most wonderfully created, turn a 
 benignant eye upon this Thy servant ; ab- 
 solve and forgive her past errors, when, 
 
86 RECANTATION. 
 
 through the blindness of ignorance and 
 hostile and diabolical deceit, she was deprived 
 of the indulgence of Thy mercy ; and vouch- 
 safe that she may now be admitted to Thy 
 sacred altars, after having received the 
 communion of Thy truth. 
 
 " I, Mary, being now come to the know- 
 ledge of the true 'Catholic and Apostolic 
 faith, do hereby publicly ABJURE, DETEST, 
 and ABOMINATE, any heresy whatsoever, 
 particularly that by which I have hitherto 
 been defiled, as being above all others, that 
 which pertinaciously upholds tenets con- 
 trary to the true faith. Henceforth I cleave 
 unto the holy Roman Church, and confess, 
 with my lips and with my heart, that I be- 
 lieve in the apostolic throne,* and will attest 
 , it in this or any more decided manner ; 
 hereby embracing this same faith which the 
 holy Roman Church, with evangelic autho- 
 
 * This signifies a belief in the infallibility of the Pope, as 
 sitting in St Peter's chair, and Christ's vicar on earth. The 
 term which the lower classes in Italy are taught by their 
 priests to apply to the Supreme Pontiff, is of itself a fearful 
 commentary upon this doctrine, Dio in terra God on 
 earth! 
 
RECANTATION. 87 
 
 rity, has commanded to be steadfastly up- 
 held : swearing to observe the same by the 
 Holy Trinity of one substance, and by the 
 holy and sainted evangelists of Christ. I 
 also hereby affirm, that all those who presume 
 to oppose this faith, together with their fol- 
 lowers and perverse precepts, are worthy of 
 eternal condemnation ; and should I at any 
 time (which may God forbid) presume to 
 dispute or publish anything contrary to such 
 truths, I am to be proceeded against accord- 
 ing to the rigor of the ecclesiastical laws."* 
 
 * The following is the original of the formula of Recan- 
 tion, of which a translation has been given in the text. It 
 varies, however, I believe, in different places, according to 
 the directions of the officiating Cardinal- Bishop ; but the au- 
 thor can vouch for the Declaration in question having been 
 used three times in a considerable city of the Pontifical states, 
 by English Protestant converts. 
 
 " Omnipotente ! Sempre eterna Iddio, questa tua creatura 
 ritolta dalle fauci del Lupo Infernale, ricevi per tua pieta, e 
 ritorna per tua piissima bonta al tuo gregge ; perche 1'inimico 
 non si rallegri del danno della tua Famiglia ; ma della sua 
 conversione e liberazione, la tua chiesa, come pia madre, si 
 rallegri di avere ritrovato un suo figlio. 
 
 " Signore, che con la tua Misericordia, ajuti 1'uomo fatto 
 a tua immagine, il quale mirabilement creasti, volgi 1'occhio 
 benigno spora questa tua serva, affinche cio che ad essa fu 
 tolta per acciecamento d'ignoranza e per ostile e diabolica 
 
88 RECANTATION. 
 
 It is ended the deed is done ! The 
 cold dew stood on my brow, and an iron 
 hand seemed closing round my heart. I 
 could not breathe, and for an instant sight 
 and consciousness were alike failing me ; 
 when suddenly thought came rushing back 
 in an overwhelming tide of wild and de- 
 lirious anguish, and sank upon my knees 
 before the altar, and bowed my guilty fore- 
 head to the dust. Oh, heaven ! oh, earth 1 
 'Tis no lightpromise, no empty declaration 
 
 frode ; Pindulgenza della tua piet ; perdona ed assolva, e sia 
 resa ai Sagri Altari, ricevuta la Communione della tua verita. 
 " lo M. N. conoscendo lavera fede Cattolica ed Apostol- 
 ica, publicamente abjuro, detesto, abbomino, ogni qualunque 
 eresia, segnatamente quella di cui sono statafinora infamata, 
 come qnella appunto che sostiene questa o altra cosa. Quindi 
 aderisco alia Santa Romana Chiesa ; e confesso con la bocca 
 e col cuore di credere alia sede Apostolica ; ed abbraciare la 
 medesim Fede, che la Santa ^Romana Chiesa con autorit& 
 Evangelica ed Apostolica ha decretato tenersi. Giuranda 
 tal cosa per la Santa Trinita d'una stessa sostanza, e per i 
 sagrosanti Evangeli di Cristo. Affermo poi che tutti coloro, 
 i quali vorranno contradire a questa fede, unitamente ai loro 
 seguaci, e perversi costumi, sono degni di eterna scommunica ; 
 e ogni qual volta io stessa (il che Dio non permetta) presumero 
 di acconsentire o pubblicare qualche cosa contra tale verita 
 si proceda contro di me secondo il rigore delle Leggi Eccle- 
 siastiche." 
 
RECANTATION. 89 
 
 that I have made ! Strike not the tremb- 
 ling sinner in Thine indignation, O offended 
 Lord ! Blast not the perjured one who 
 called Thy holy Name to witness what she 
 herself believed not ! . . . . for have I not 
 sworn obedience to a faith which would 
 condemn her so devout, so good, so inno- 
 cent to everlasting perdition ? Ah ! what 
 'agony is written in that pale pale face, 
 mother ! Would that I had died ere I 
 caused her grief like this ! Is it a dream ? 
 some horrible vision of the night ? No ; 
 there he stands in his episcopal robes that 
 calm, unmoved old man ; and there the fra- 
 grant incense smokes, the flickering tapers 
 burn. Yonder is my proud and exulting 
 
 father and she Oh, Heaven that 
 
 look of agony again? Fall on me, ye moun- 
 tains ! Earth swallow me up, and give a 
 dark and speedy grave to the apostate's 
 shame ! . . . Such were the wild reflec- 
 tions that raged and struggled within my 
 soul, while my anguish, denied the relief 
 of words, seemed to convulse my entire 
 frame ; when suddenly I heard a voice 
 whispering peace and consolation f^ my 
 5* 
 
90 RECANTATION. 
 
 ear, like angel's music stealing over a 
 troubled sea. It was he my own my 
 loved. Gently he raised me from my knees, 
 and, clinging to his dear arm, I once more 
 felt comforted and re-assured, and calmer 
 thoughts returned to my distracted heart. 
 Oh, it has been a dread ordeal, yet for his 
 sake I have braved it ! Yes ; I will be to 
 him all that woman is in her most sweet 
 and holy attributes, the meek and devoted 
 friend, the proud and admiring wife, and 
 Heaven will surely forgive the means by 
 which I have obtained this end. 
 
 The marriage rites now commenced, 
 and, absorbed in their sacred and mysteri- 
 ous nature, I became lost to all other con- 
 templations, while I felt awe-struck, and 
 yet rejoicing at the deep and binding nature 
 of the ties I was about to form. 
 
 According to the usage of the Roman 
 Catholic Church, the bridal pair confess, 
 receive absolution, and are admitted to the 
 Communion before the final ratification of 
 their vows. I knelt with a palpitating 
 heart as the hand of the archbishop placed 
 within my lips the consecrated wafer, which 
 
RECANTATION. 91 
 
 I had vowed to believe contained the in- 
 'carnate presence of our Redeemer. Some 
 prayers then followed this awful rite : the 
 nuptial ring was placed upon my finger, 
 a solemn blessing was pronounced, and 
 they, who once were twain, had now be- 
 come so long as life remained indissolu- 
 bly one ! * * * * 
 
 Spring had passed away ; summer was 
 well nigh ended, and we still dwelt at 
 Pistoja, without one claud upon our wed- 
 ded life, one thorn in our bower of roses. 
 
 Oh, the bliss of those few months, when 
 earth, and sky, and air, all seemed united 
 in ministering to 'my happiness ! When 
 flowers appeared to spring forth beneath 
 my joyous footsteps, and the glad blue hea- 
 vens to look down smilingly upon me; while 
 the sweet breezes would circle around, 
 kissing my cheek and playing amongst my 
 tresses, as if to welcome me to Italy and 
 love ! Bright and joyous remembrances ! 
 let me indulge in recalling them once more ! 
 
 Sweet Tuscany ! Arcadia of Europe ! 
 Its name is even now most dear tome; for, 
 amid all the gloom and desolation of my 
 
92 RECANTATION. 
 
 heart, it never fails to bring back sweet me- 
 mories of the past, which for a moment can 
 dispel the dark melancholy that overhangs 
 me, like sunshine stealing over a neglected 
 grave. Happy days ! surely ye were but a 
 dream ; and, oh, how long the waking ! 
 
 I used to delight in wandering with my 
 husband over the beautiful country which 
 lays around Pistoja, and is so fertile and 
 luxuriant as to have given to the whole dis- 
 trict the denomination of the Garden of 
 Tuscany. We often paused in our rambles 
 to exchange a few words with the peasan- 
 try whom we found engaged in their daily 
 labors ; and I used to listen with surprise 
 to the pure and classic Italian they univer- 
 sally spoke, and the poetical similes in 
 which they often clothed their ideas. Even 
 the deference inspired by the presence of 
 the new Marchesa never caused the native 
 grace of their manners and bearing to de- 
 generate into clownish servility. Through- 
 out this part of the- country the language 
 continues the same as in the days of Dante, 
 and many words of the " Divina Comme- 
 dia," which in other districts have become 
 
RECANTATION. 93 
 
 obsolete, are here still preserved among the 
 peasantry in their original purity and signi- 
 fication. 
 
 It was in this pastoral region that I form- 
 ed my first impressions of the character 
 of the Italians ; for the brilliant saloons of 
 the capital in which I had hitherto moved 
 were little qualified to give any insight into 
 the humbler, or the domestic, manners of 
 that people to which I had allied myself. 
 But now the delicate perception, the intui- 
 tive taste of these simple contadini, the 
 beautiful language in which they spoke, 
 and, above all, their sweet and harmonious 
 voices, completely realized my most ro- 
 mantic visions, and made me doubly anx- 
 ious to be admitted to the familiar compan- 
 ionship of a people, whose lower orders 
 seemed so gentle and refined. One fair 
 summer's evening, as we were returning 
 from our rambles, I stopped to look at a 
 young Contadina, w r ho was standing by the 
 road-side, arranging some flowers in a bas- 
 ket, and sprinkling them with water from a 
 neighboring brook. The girl was in her- 
 self a picture, such as it gladdened the eye 
 
94 RECANTATION. 
 
 to rest upon ; her head was small and fine- 
 ly shaped, and her glossy raven tresses 
 were plaited and secured in the purest 
 classic taste. The thin, straight nose, and 
 transparent nostril, dark expressive eyes, 
 curved upper lip, and colorless, clear 
 olive complexion, are all the distinguishing 
 features of a Tuscan, from the peasant to 
 the princess. Her slight elastic figure 
 showed to advantage in a tight-fitting bod- 
 dice or jacket, which was left a little open 
 at the top, to display the strings of oriental 
 pearls that encircled her throat, and the at- 
 tainment of which had probably cost her 
 years of patient toil and privation. Knots 
 of gay ribbons floated from her shoulders, 
 and imparted a fanciful and picturesque ef- 
 fect to her whole appearance ; her petticoat 
 was of some bright colored cotton, and 
 sufficiently short to exhibit her small brown 
 feet and slender ancles to great advantage. 
 These she had apparently just released 
 from the unusual thraldom of shoes and 
 stockings, that now lay beside her on the 
 grass, not to be worn again until the next 
 " festa :" near them she had carelessly 
 
RECANTATION. 95 
 
 thrown her high-crowned holiday hat, 
 which, with its waving sable feathers, look- 
 ed almost too sombre to be in keeping with 
 a scene of so much light and beauty. 
 
 The girl meantime silently pursued her 
 employment, although evidently conscious 
 of, nor altogether displeased at, my pro- 
 longed scrutiny, till at length she turned 
 round with a bright smile, and selecting 
 one of the sweetest flowers from her basket, 
 offered it to me, saying, " Senta, Signora, 
 come olezza questo flore /" * The look, the 
 action, above all, the classic beauty of the 
 expression, charmed and delighted me ; and 
 as I hung upon my husband's arm, on our 
 way back to our villa, I taxed him laugh- 
 ingly with his want of poetic fancy, in not 
 sympathizng more readily with my en- 
 thusiasm for this romantic country. I for- 
 get the exact words of his reply, in which 
 he gaily repelled my accusation, on the plea 
 that he had other and sweeter thoughts to 
 dwell upon than the prattle of a peasant 
 girl, or the scent of any flowers she could 
 
 * " Try this flower, lady, how (sweetly) it smells." 
 
 
96 RECANTATION. 
 
 offer him ; and then I remember my feel- 
 ings of intense happiness, as he drew me 
 closer to him, and said tenderly, "Tu sei 
 quel fiore colla cui dolcezza ormai vivro fe- 
 lice." * 
 
 Ah, yes ! in that soft hour, when the 
 shades of evening were fast stealing over 
 the fair and extended scene, and perfect 
 stillness was succeeding to the animation 
 of the day ; when the merry chirping of 
 the tree-cricket, that joyous herald of 
 warmth and sunshine, the lowing of the 
 cattle returning from their pasturage, and 
 the distant voices of the peasantry, had all 
 died imperceptibly away ; and the faint 
 sighing of the night-breeze amongst the 
 branches came sweetly upon the ear, while 
 myriads of fire-flies, growing brighter in the 
 darkening twilight, flashed and sparkled 
 around ; yes, in those blest moments, in 
 that unbroken solitude, I looked fondly and 
 confidingly up to my husband's face, and 
 thought my mother's prayer had been in- 
 
 * Thou art the flower upon whose sweetness I shall now 
 exist! 
 
RECANTATION. 97 
 
 deed fulfilled, and that he was all and every 
 thing to me ! 
 
 Towards the end of August we quitted 
 Pistoja, and prepared to visit Romagna, 
 where, in addition to Trionfi's wish to in- 
 troduce me to his relations, a protracted 
 law-suit required his presence. My plea- 
 sure at the thoughts of seeing his native 
 country, and family connexions, all of whom 
 for his sake I was already prepared to 
 love, could scarcely reconcile me to leaving 
 the loved retreat where I had been so hap- 
 py. I felt almost fearful of entering anew 
 into the world, lest it should rob me of any 
 of my husband's attention or society ; but 
 with the fond credulity of love, every doubt 
 was dispelled, when Trionfi, to whom I 
 had blushingly avowed my uneasiness, pro- 
 tested with unabated fervor, that no earth- 
 ly power could ever efface me from his 
 heart, which would be wholly and for ever 
 mine. 
 
 We remained a few days in Florence, 
 where the Palazzo Trionfi was undergoing 
 some repairs and embellishments previous 
 to our return for the winter; a handsome 
 
98 RECANTATION. 
 
 suite of apartments on the second floor 
 were being fitted up for my reception, those 
 on the first being reserved for my mother- 
 in-law, the Marchesa Onoria Trionfi, by 
 whom in fact they had been occupied for 
 many years. Our menage was to be in com- 
 mon, under the superintendence of the 
 maestro di casa, an old and faithful servant, 
 who had lived with the Marchesa from his 
 youth, and whose strict integrity in the per- 
 formance of his important duties could be 
 strictly relied upon. This arrangement is 
 invariably pursued among all the Italian 
 nobility, as the bride on allying herself to a 
 family is considered to become one of its 
 members, and not entitled to any separate 
 establishment. I need scarcely observe, 
 that this custom generally proves destruc- 
 tive of all domestic harmony and comfort ; 
 and is in fact looked upon by many as a 
 primary cause of the evils of Italian society. 
 At that time, however, I had not experienc- 
 ed its disadvantages, and looking only to 
 the bright side of my prospects, I thought 
 with delight of the kindness of my husband, 
 the refinement and rank with which I should 
 
RECANTATION. 99 
 
 every where be surrounded, and the fasci- 
 nating career of enjoyment that awaited me. 
 With these joyous feelings of happiness and 
 expectation, I commenced my journey to 
 Romagna. 
 
 The afternoon of our first day's travel- 
 ling we commenced the ascent of that chain 
 of Appenines, that divide Tuscany from the 
 Pontifical States, by the road which had 
 been recently constructed at great labor and 
 expense by the Grand Duke, and which is 
 considered as a very masterly specimen of 
 engineering. Night closing found us still 
 in these wild and barren regions, and we 
 slept at a little paese appropriately called La 
 Rocca. 
 
 Ere sunrise the next morning we re- 
 sumed our route, and emerging from the 
 mountainous defiles, once more entered the 
 level country, and before noon arrived at 
 Terra del Sole, the frontier of the Ecclesi- 
 astical dominions. 
 
 I know not whether it be from the con- 
 trast of the bleak mountain atmosphere so 
 lately traversed, or the natural softness of 
 the climate itself, but it is certain that the 
 
100 RECANTATION. 
 
 air on first entering Romagna is so balmy 
 and enervating, and it appears to steal over 
 the senses with such an irresistible feeling 
 of langor and indifference, that the secret of 
 the southern Italian's love for the dolce far 
 niente is at once explained. 
 
 In the broad plains and dusty roads 
 through which we now travelled, I looked 
 in vain for the laughing beauty and luxuri- 
 ance that distinguished the country we had 
 so lately quitted ; nature had been as prodi- 
 gal of her gifts, but there lacked the willing 
 hand to requite and improve her bounteous- 
 ness. The sullen peasant seemed to till 
 the earth with churlish apathy, as if he 
 grudged the very toil which gave him bread, 
 and eyed our heavily-laden carriage as we 
 passed, with fierce and lawless rapacity, 
 that told of pursuits more congenial to his 
 taste, in which unassisted however he could 
 not engage. Throughout the towns we 
 stopped at, on that and the following day, 
 Forli, Cesena, and Rimini, the same 
 squalid misery and desolation appeared to 
 prevail ; there were bsoad streets where a 
 single footstep scarce broke the death-like 
 
RECANTATION. 101 
 
 and oppressive silence ; and stately palaces, 
 that told of the greatness of former days, 
 falling piecemeal into ruin and decay, with 
 the rank grass growing in their deserted 
 court-yards, and the delicate "rilievi" 
 which adorned the walls all broken and 
 defaced. 
 
 The only part of these towns where any 
 thing like animation can be discovered is 
 generally the piazza, where the principal 
 church or duomo is situated, and of which 
 a few shops, a cafe and the barbiere's consti- 
 tute the principal attractions. Groups of 
 idlers will here be found at all hours of the 
 day, from the lowest depths of misery and 
 want, to the proprietarj and nobles of the 
 environs ; who lounge under the awning of 
 the cafe, or stretched on benches within, 
 carelessly sip their coffee, and smoke their 
 cigars, with a vacant and listless stare at 
 every passer-by ; occasionally watching 
 with an appearance of interest the proceed- 
 ings of the motley crowd without, some of 
 whom are lying asleep on the steps leading 
 to the church, and others playing at mora 
 beneath the shelter of one of those project- 
 
102 RECANTATION. 
 
 ing roofs which are still found in the old- 
 fashioned cities of Italy. Here a wretched 
 object, appalling from the filth and misery 
 of his appearance, will mingle among the 
 group at the cafe, and thrusting a withered 
 hand, or some such revolting deformity be- 
 fore their eyes, claims their charity by 
 means which to minds less accustomed to 
 such spectacles would but awaken abhor- 
 rence and disgust. 
 
 There we view a sturdy beggar seated 
 beside that little archway, where an image 
 of the Madonna is displayed ; shaking his 
 tin alms-box and steadily appealing to the 
 passers-by, with his unceasing monotonous 
 chaunt " Per 1'anime sante del purgatorio, 
 per rariime sante del purgatorio ! " * And 
 there, again, a railing woman, with tangled 
 and dishevelled hair, rushes from her 
 miserable dwelling in search of some re- 
 fractory child, filling the air with her shrill 
 and vehement abuse, which is rendered 
 doubly revolting from being uttered in the 
 harsh Bolognese dialect ; while amidst all 
 
 * For the souls that are in purgatory, for the souls that 
 are in purgatory ! 
 
RECANTATION. 103 
 
 this wretchedness and destitution the only 
 beings who seem well clothed well fed 
 and well doing, are the priests who literally 
 swarm in the streets, and like the seven 
 kine in Pharaoh's dream, appear to have 
 "eaten up all that was good in the land." 
 I asked my husband what could be the rea- 
 son of this surprising contrast to Tuscany, 
 and the excessive misery of the population ; 
 Che vuoi?" he replied shrugging his should- 
 ers, " Sono i preti che mangian tutto."* At 
 Rimini, where as if in memory of the dark 
 crime that stains its annals desolation and 
 want seemed even more rife than in the 
 preceding towns, I went into a shop to make 
 some trifling purchases, leaving Trionfi at 
 the door in conversation with an acquaint- 
 ance he had accidentally met in the streets. 
 The owner of the shop was a garrulous old 
 man, and discovering that I came from Flo- 
 rence, he lost no time in telling me that he 
 was a native of Tuscany a distinction of 
 which he was not a little proud ; then find- 
 ing me a patient listener, and one of whom 
 
 * The priests eat up every thing ! 
 
104 RECANTATION. 
 
 he need have no suspicion, he preceded to 
 indulge in unrestrained censures upon the dis- 
 turbed and miserable condition of Romagna, 
 which he contrasted with the peace and 
 prosperity enjoyed by his own country, 
 under the benevolent sway of the present 
 Grand Duke Leopold. The rude and un- 
 cultivated Papalina,* however, he affected 
 to pity and commiserate, attributing most 
 of their faults to the injustice and venality 
 of the government; with whom, as he ob- 
 served "un poco di questo" rubbing his 
 fore and middle finger significantly against 
 his thumb, thereby denoting money " un 
 poco di questo, Signora mia, fa tutto ;"^ 
 then, with respect to the state of the country, 
 he continued, and the injustice and extortion 
 that prevailed, who could possibly wonder 
 at it. since its rulers were men who had no 
 children ! 
 
 The truth and simplicity of his reason- 
 ing struck me most forcibly, and involun- 
 tarily brought to my mind the wise ordinance 
 of the great Jewish Sanhedrim, which 
 
 * Papal subjects. t A little of this will do any thing. 
 
RECANTATION. 105 
 
 enacted that its members should all be hus- 
 bands and fathers of children, that they might 
 be acquainted with tenderness and compassion. 
 I did not repeat what I had just heard to 
 my husband, as from his vague and listless 
 replies to some of my previous observations, 
 I feared the topic was distasteful to him, 
 particularly when I recollected that he was 
 a subject of the very government I had just 
 heard so vehemently decried. I endeavor- 
 ed to suppress a sigh over the first restraint 
 upon a confidence I had so lately hoped to 
 cherish without a shadow of reserve ; and 
 strove to reconcile myself to the disap- 
 pointment occasioned by my first impres- 
 sions of Romagna, with forming bright 
 visions of the approaching introduction to 
 my new relatives. 
 
 From Rimini we journeyed to Pesaro 
 and Sinigaglia, which last was formerly a 
 sea-port of some importance, and is still 
 celebrated for its annual July fair, when an 
 immense concourse of people from the sur- 
 rounding districts and neighboring countries 
 assemble within the town. As we ap- 
 proached the sea-coast the country assumed 
 6 
 
106 RECANTATION. 
 
 a more cheerful and flourishing appear- 
 ance ; the peasantry were less fierce and 
 savage in their demeanor, and the Italian 
 which they spoke, although coarse in com- 
 parison to the pure and refined Tuscan, 
 was still infinitely preferable to the " pa- 
 tois " I had heard in the interior. The ul- 
 timate place of our destination was N ; 
 
 a populous city, not many miles distant 
 from the shores of the Adriatic, where my 
 mother-in-law had already been residing for 
 several months, in order to superintend a 
 tedious law-suit concerning some of her 
 estates in the vicinity : it had been arrang- 
 ed, however, that previous to joining her 
 there, we were to visit La Marchesa Castel- 
 Franco, a favorite aunt of my husband's, 
 who was anxiously expecting our arrival. 
 Our road to San Fortunate, where the Mar- 
 chesa passed the summer months, diverged 
 from the beaten route, and was sufficiently 
 uninteresting to leave me full leisure for oc- 
 cupying my mind with numberless fanciful 
 anticipations. Having been told that she 
 lived on a great scale of hospitality, and 
 that her house was always filled with visi- 
 
RECANTATION. 107 
 
 tors, I not unnaturally pictured to myself a 
 Palladian villa, with gardens, and marble 
 terraces, and fountains, and all the other 
 attractions we usually associate with an 
 Italian summer residence. I felt greatly 
 disappointed at the wild and barren aspect 
 of the country, as we approached, which, 
 parched and withered by the heat of the 
 sun, had not a tree, nor even a blade of 
 grass, to relieve its dreary monotony ; and 
 the first appearance of the villa, which was 
 merely a large irregularly-built house, 
 standing on arising ground that overlooked 
 the dusty road, completely destroyed all 
 my romantic visions. We wound up a 
 steep path-way, and entered a court-yard 
 hung with lines for drying linen ; while the 
 deep and most unmusical sounds that 
 greeted my ears, as I stepped from the car- 
 riage, gave unequivocal proofs that a rough- 
 ly-constructed edifice, which stood beside 
 the entrance, served as a habitation for the 
 Majali* that were fattening for the Mar- 
 chesa's table. 
 
 *Pig. 
 
108 RECANTATION. 
 
 Three or four buxom peasant girls, now 
 starting forward, informed us that I Pa- 
 droni* were gone for a drive, not expecting 
 us to arrive so early ; and then, with will- 
 ing although clumsy alacrity, they proceed- 
 ed to unload the carriage, and carry our 
 luggage to the rooms which had been as- 
 signed to us. We were now ushered into 
 a large hall on the ground floor, and thence 
 up a handsome stone staircase into a 
 spacious sala or sitting-room, with three 
 windows at one end facing the sea, and an 
 equal number of doors on either side, each 
 of which opened into a sleeping apartment. 
 The only furniture consisted of small 
 Turkish sofas, or divans, covered with white 
 dimity, placed against the wall in the va- 
 cant spaces left by the numerous doors; a 
 few rush-bottomed chairs, and a small 
 round table with a marble top, called in 
 this part of Italy un dejeune, which appears 
 a singularly inappropriate denomination, in- 
 asmuch as I afterwards discovered that it is 
 not the custom of the country to make any 
 
 * Their maater and mistress. 
 
RECANTATION. 109 
 
 ^ 
 
 use of it in this capacity, or, in fact, ever 
 take any breakfast at all. I could not 
 discover traces of either books or newspa- 
 pers about the room, and after having ar- 
 ranged my dress, in anxious expectation of 
 the Marchese's return, I was forced to be- 
 take myself to the inspection of some 
 colored prints which hung around the 
 walls ; but I soon turned away in silent 
 disgust on discovering that they were 
 French caricatures, of so coarse and revolt- 
 ing a description, that no woman of modesty 
 could view them unmoved. 
 
 I did not make any comment to my 
 husband on a circumstance which occasion- 
 ed me so much surprise ; for I knew these 
 scenes were iamiliar to him from his boy- 
 hood, and that he naturally would feel an- 
 noyed if I already began to criticise the ar- 
 rangements of his aunt's " menage." 
 
 In a few minutes we heard the sound of 
 carriage-wheels, and Trionfi hastened down 
 stairs to greet our hostess, leaving me to 
 await her appearance, in not unnatural 
 trepidation at the prospect of a first inter- 
 view with one of rny new relations. She al- 
 
110 RECANTATION. 
 
 most immediately entered the room, leaning 
 on her nephew's arm, and received me with 
 great kindness and cordiality ; and then, 
 with that perfect ease of manner which in- 
 variably pertains to an Italian woman of 
 high birth, she contrived at once to break 
 through the formality of our meeting, and 
 place rne upon the unrestrained footing of 
 the other members of her family. 
 
 I was now presented to the Marchese, 
 a quiet gentlemanly man, who had hitherto 
 stood unperceived behind his wife ; I never 
 saw a couple more strikingly dissimilar, and 
 I often wondered how they could have lived 
 together for so many years in such good un- 
 derstanding and harmony ; for his tall thin 
 figure did not present a greater contrast to 
 her portly dimensions, than his gentle and 
 retiring manners to her shrill voice and 
 vehement gesticulation. 
 
 After a short time, the guests staying in 
 the house, who had considerately kept away 
 until our first greetings were over, came up 
 stairs, and were successively presented to 
 me. Although the growing obscurity of the 
 evening prevented me from distinguishing 
 
RECANTATION. Ill 
 
 their faces, loud sounds of kissing were then 
 heard, as those amongst the gentlemen who 
 had previously been acquainted with Trionfi 
 now saluted him warmly on both cheeks, 
 and joyfully welcomed him back to Ho- 
 rn agna. 
 
 With the natural good breeding and 
 sociability of their nation, the Italians all 
 seemed anxious to remove the timidity I 
 experienced at finding myself suddenly 
 thrown amidst so many strangers ; I was 
 universally complimented on my proficiency 
 in their language, and told with many pretty 
 speeches how much pleasure my arrival 
 had occasioned, and with what exultation I 
 was received amongst them as a country- 
 woman. I gratefully acknowledged their 
 kindness, and having once more persuaded 
 myself that the charms of Italian society, 
 would prove no delusion, felt completely 
 tranquil and reassured ere the servant en- 
 tered with the light. I say light, because 
 all that appeared was a solitary small brass 
 lucernci, moulded in the classic form of the 
 ancient Etruscan lamps ; it had three burn- 
 ers, but of which only one was lighted, and 
 
112 RECANTATION. 
 
 as the Marchesa always turned that in the 
 direction where she sat diligently pursuing 
 her knitting, the rest of the room was conse- 
 quently enveloped in darkness. The com- 
 pany, however, never seemed to look upon 
 this as a privation, for since talking was 
 their only occupation, they did not require 
 light to enable them to pursue it. By the 
 uncertain glimmering of the lucerna I endea- 
 vored to realize some idea of my new as- 
 sociates, who w*ere carelessly seated on the 
 low divans that formed the chief furniture 
 of the room ; the only lady present, except 
 our hostess, was a Contessa from Spoleto, 
 a cousin of the Marchesa 3 whose surname I 
 was for a long time unable to discover, as 
 she was universally addressed as la Con- 
 tessa Mariuccia, which in this country is 
 the familiar appellation for Maria. She 
 had come to San Fortunate for a little 
 change of air and distrazione after a violent 
 attack of gastric fever, the scourge of the 
 inland districts of Romagna during the 
 summer months ; and presuming, I suppose, 
 on her being an invalid, did not expend any 
 needless attention on her toilet, which con- 
 
RECANTATION. J 13 
 
 sisted of a loose morning neglige and yellow 
 slippers. 
 
 A very tall young man seated beside 
 her, next attracted my attention, from the 
 silence he observed amidst the general buzz 
 of voices that surrounded him ; he was the 
 eldest son of an Anconitan prince, and re- 
 markable as being the only Italian I ever 
 met who was not fond of talking. 
 
 There were also present a Roman painter 
 of the name of Santini, and a young medical 
 student from Bologna ; both of them proteges 
 of the Marchesa, who, anxious to support 
 her reputation for liberal principles and im- 
 partiality, endeavored to re-unite all classes 
 at her house. But by far the most inter- 
 esting of all the visitors was a venerable 
 Capuchin friar, Padre Stefano, uncle to the 
 Marchesa, who had been permitted to leave 
 his convent for the benefit of sea-bathing 
 at San Fortunate, with a young novice of 
 the order who accompanied him. 
 
 In the position in which the old man sat, 
 with the rays of light from the solitary lamp 
 falling upon his high and polished forehead, 
 and long silvery beard, he reminded me of 
 
 
114 RECANTATION. 
 
 some of Guercino's finest studies, and pre- 
 sented an appearance worthy of any artist's 
 pencil. Although worn and emaciated from 
 self-imposed penance and mortification, an 
 air of nobleness and dignity still pervaded 
 his form; and there was a fire and enthusi- 
 asm in his deep-set eye, which all the rigid 
 discipline and austerity of his order had 
 been unable to quench or destroy ; he was 
 attired in the loose robe of coarse brown 
 cloth peculiar to his order, secured by a 
 girdle of knotted cords around his waist, 
 and sandals bound by leathern thongs upon 
 his naked feet. With a mixture of awe and 
 admiration I continued to gaze upon the 
 venerable friar, till my attention was at- 
 tracted to his youthful companion ; but far 
 different were the feelings with which I 
 viewed this fair golden-haired boy, who, 
 self-doomed to a life of poverty and seclu- 
 sion, unavoidably awoke the deepest pity 
 and regret. 
 
 In conformity to the strict rules of the 
 noviciate, he was not permitted to raise his 
 eyes from the ground for the space of three 
 years, nor even to speak without permission 
 
RECANTATION. 115 
 
 from his superior. He could scarcely have 
 been more than seventeen, and when I 
 looked upon his smooth and almost childlike 
 countenance, and noted the roguish sparkle 
 that his drooping lids could scarcely con- 
 ceal, as he tried to steal a glance around 
 the room, I involuntarily asked myself, 
 whether an existence passed in the dreary 
 retirement of the cloister, and from whence 
 all recreation or enjoyment seemed to be 
 cut off, could be pleasing in the sight of the 
 Almighty, or consonant with the mild and 
 benevolent spirit of Christianity ? 
 
 My reflections were interrupted by the 
 withdrawing of Padre Stefano ; pleading 
 his ill health as an excuse for retiring so 
 early, he bowed courteously to all present, 
 and quitted the room, followed by the 
 novice, who, with a silent inclination of the 
 head, vanished like a dark shadow behind 
 his superior. 
 
 A few minutes afterwards I heard a 
 monotonous chant proceeding from one of 
 the adjoining rooms, and inquired what 
 those sounds could be, to which the Mar- 
 chesa replied, that " it was only the Frati, 
 
116 RECANTATION. 
 
 poveri diavoli! saying their uffizio* for the 
 evening; and when I expressed my com- 
 miseration at the strictness of discipline to 
 which the novice appeared subjected, she 
 exclaimed, " You may spare your pity, 
 carina, for that lazy vagabond! Bad as 
 this life would seem to you, he prefers it 
 to working in the fields, which is his proper 
 avocation. He is the son of &fattorei in the 
 neighborhood, but as he was always of an 
 idle disposition he fancied he had a calling 
 for the cloister, where if there are fewer 
 pleasures there are certainly less cares 
 and fatigue than in a more active career." 
 
 " Do they not however require much 
 study and preparation before their final ad- 
 mission into the order ? " I inquired. 
 
 " Niente affatto ! "$ To be a lay-brother 
 of the convent is all that boy aspires to ; 
 little enough learning is demanded of the 
 higher grades, those who become priests as 
 well as friars, and have the privilege of say- 
 ing mass : but as for the inferior order, if 
 
 Canonical prayers. t Farmer. 
 
 $ " Not at all." 
 
RECANTATION. 117 
 
 a laico* can mumble over his breviary, write 
 a little, and possesses a tolerable knowledge 
 of the Vita de' Santi he is fully qualified for 
 all the duties of his calling." 
 
 " Ma cara Marchesa, mia" observed the 
 Countess from Spoleto, "you forget what 
 terrible privation all have to undergo during 
 their noviciate.. Besides the penance of 
 neither being able to speak nor look up 
 their food during six months of the year 
 must be prepared without even the common 
 seasoning of salt; and, if they chance to 
 commit any little mancanza, they are some- 
 times compelled to eat off the ground, 
 amongst all the cats and dogs belonging to 
 the convent's establishment. 
 
 " Si dice" replied the Marchesa, shrug- 
 ging up her shoulders, " they say so, but 
 who knows if it be true ? And after all 
 granting even that you are right the boy 
 looks upon it merely as a temporary proba- 
 tion, to which he soon gets accustomed, and 
 whence he will emerge into a station of 
 great dignity and pride ; entering at once 
 
 * Lay-brother. 
 
118 RECANTATION. 
 
 into the discharge of his office, and be pri- 
 vileged to gather in all contributions for the 
 convent stores. He will then rove about 
 the country with a sack on his shoulders 
 levying supplies, and a little urchin at his 
 heels, who carries a box to receive the 
 money bestowed by pious almsgivers, which 
 most delicate distinction ! the rules of 
 his order forbid the Capuchin personally to 
 touch ! These scruples, however, do not 
 extend to the measure of grain, or flask of 
 wine, of which the miserable peasantry 
 often deprive their famishing children to 
 bestow upon these ecclesiastical mendi- 
 cants, who luxuriate upon their spoils. And 
 then the strolling friar can have his laugh 
 and his gossip with all the comeliest women 
 in the neighborhood, be consulted as an 
 oracle in all domestic concerns, and in pro- 
 cess of time may even obtain the reputation 
 of being a saint, which is the summit of all 
 
 monastic felicity ; and " 
 
 " And perhaps wind up the whole with 
 the same finale as the famous frate of the 
 Zoccolanti at C.," said the Roman artist 
 with a significant laugh. 
 
RECANTATION. 119 
 
 " Che cos' e stato?" * asked my husband 
 eagerly. " Tell me all about it." 
 
 " Eh ! caro mio, you must remember it 
 well," rejoined the painter ; " that laugh- 
 able affair at C. a few years ago. You 
 surely have often heard the Marchesa tell 
 the story !" 
 
 But as Trionfi declared he had entirely 
 forgotten the circumstance, it did not re- 
 quire much persuasion to induce our hostess 
 to give a detailed account of an occurrence, 
 so disgraceful and revolting, that during its 
 recital I felt my cheeks suffused with burn- 
 ing blushes ; and more than once I looked 
 towards my husband, in surprise at the to- 
 tal unconcern he manifested at a license of 
 speech which so painfully distressed me. 
 I had yet to learn that in Italy all the strict 
 vigilance with which girls are watched and 
 overlooked, and the anxious care displayed 
 to keep them secluded from society, origin- 
 ates in the coarse and unscrupulous style 
 of language which prevades even their do- 
 mestic circles. But once entered into wed- 
 
 * What occurred then? " 
 
120 RECANTATION. 
 
 lock, all previous scruples are thrown aside, 
 the magic circle has been penetrated, 
 and the charm dissolved, and however 
 young, however innocent and artless, the 
 presence of the bride no longer imposes 
 any restraint upon conversation, which has 
 scarce even a flimsy veil to conceal its glar- 
 ing impropriety ! 
 
 After all the laughter and amusement 
 occasioned by this anecdote had subsided, 
 the Contessa Mariuccia reverted to the pre- 
 vious subject of discussion, and taxed the 
 Marchesa with the severity of her censures 
 upon the Frati. " They are not all influ- 
 enced by the same motives," she said ; 
 " take, for instance, the Padre Stefano, who 
 has just left us." 
 
 " Ah ! Padre Stefano is not to be named 
 in the same breath with any of these pitiful 
 wretches," indignantly exclaimed the Mar- 
 chesa ; and then, with a touch of deep feel- 
 ing that I should not have looked for in her, 
 she added, " It is not for us to seek to in- 
 vestigate the causes which induced him to 
 assume the religious habit : all we know is, 
 that his resolution could not have been 
 
RECANTATION. 121 
 
 lightly or carelessly formed, nor did it pro- 
 ceed from any selfish or interested motives." 
 
 " Certamente, in quanta al Padre Stefano 
 cavo il capello" * said Don Eugenio, the 
 young Anconitan, who had not yet spoken ; 
 "if all Frati were like him, and only pro- 
 fessed when they were weary of the world, 
 and anxious for a tranquil asylum, Italy 
 would be in a different condition from 
 what it is now !" 
 
 "Well said!" cried the Marchesa; 
 " and now listen to my prediction, that, 
 whenever Eugenio grows tired of his life, 
 and turns devotee, he will enter the con- 
 vent of the Monte d'Ancona ! For there, 
 you know, the monks never speak oftener 
 than three times a year, which is a regula- 
 tion entirely suited to his taste." 
 
 " What institution is that ?" inquired 
 the young Bolognese ; " I never heard of it 
 before." 
 
 " Not heard of the Certosini at the Monte 
 d'Ancona ! Ma, Ferdinando mio, clie sei 
 forse un Bambino ? " * 
 
 * Certainly, respecting Father Stephen I quite agree, 
 t Equivalent to " Were you born yesterday ? " 
 
122 RECANTATION. 
 
 " Then I am a Bambino, too," said I, 
 smiling ; " for though I am now a Romag- 
 nola, I know nothing of this celebrated con- 
 vent." Oh, Conscience, Conscience ! why 
 was it necessary to stifle that heavy sigh, 
 even while I smiled ? 
 
 They were all much pleased with the 
 little compliment this speech implied ; and 
 my husband, in particular, looked delighted 
 at the favorable impression I had made, 
 while the Marchesa willingly resumed 
 
 " You must know, then, that this fa- 
 mous monastery is built upon a high moun- 
 tain running out into the sea, about ten 
 miles further down the coast than Ancona, 
 and the rules of the order are in ma- 
 ny respects similar to those of La Trappe 
 and la Grande Chartreuse ; Vi parlero di 
 queste un altra volta" * she considerately ob- 
 served to her auditors, to most of whom the 
 names even of these institutions seemed 
 completely unknown. " These friars pass 
 their lives in cheerless solitude, and observe 
 the greatest abstemiousness in their fare, 
 
 " I will speak of these another time." 
 
RECANTATION. 123 
 
 never varying from the established diet of 
 vegetables and milk. At stated hours they 
 assemble in the Refectory, were they par- 
 take of their meals in unbroken silence dur- 
 ing the whole course of the year, excepting 
 at Christmas, Easter, and one other great 
 festival, when they are permitted to speak. 
 They may not go beyond the walls of the 
 convent, and gather no news of the world 
 without, except from such strangers as oc- 
 casionally visit the Monte, and claim a 
 night's hospitality at the convent. One in- 
 stance only, that occurred a few years 
 since, is recorded of shelter having been 
 sought for and denied, and that was at- 
 tended with circumstances of dark and pe- 
 culiar interest. A young Anconitan, re- 
 turning homeward after a day's shooting, 
 was overtaken, while crossing the moun- 
 tain, by a violent thunder-storm ; night was 
 fast closing, and he hastened to reach the 
 convent, where he well knew he would 
 meet with a kindly reception. Arrived at 
 the entrance, he knocked loudly for admit- 
 tance : but receiving no answer, he waited 
 a few minutes, and then loudly repeated 
 
124 RECANTATION. 
 
 the summons, but still in vain. He now 
 shouted for help, striving to make his voice 
 heard amid the rolling of the thunder and 
 the raging of the distant waves as they beat 
 on the rocks beneath him ; and, finally, 
 commenced battering the gate with the butt- 
 end of his rifle, in a despairing effort to at- 
 tract attention. At length the heavy door 
 grated on its hinges, and a monk, with a 
 bunch of keys in his girdle, and a blazing 
 torch of pine-wood in his hand, stood before 
 him. ' Go in peace, my son !' was his un- 
 usual and hurried address. ' Go in peace ; 
 may the Virgin and saints be with you, for 
 you can have no help from man this night !' 
 and he was abruptly retiring, when the un- 
 fortunate sportsman, almost worked up to 
 madness, assailed him with such pite- 
 ous entreaties, mingled with imprecations 
 against the unheard-of barbarity of leaving 
 him to perish in the storm, that the old man 
 at last relented, and permitted his unwel- 
 come visitor to enter. After passing through 
 many intricate and winding passages, and 
 ascending several flights of steps, but dimly 
 lighted by the uncertain flame of the torch, 
 
RECANTATION. 125 
 
 they arrived at a cell, situated at the ex- 
 tremity of a long corridor, into which the 
 monk ushered his guest. Nothing could be 
 more chilling than its appearance, or more 
 forlorn and desolate than the young man's 
 feelings, when the friar, having brought 
 him a flask of wine and some provisions, 
 and lit a lamp that stood on a rude deal 
 table in the centre, abruptly quitted the 
 room, carefully locking the door on the out- 
 side, and replacing the key amongst the 
 bunch in his girdle, which the poor prisoner 
 heard jingling most unmusically till the 
 sounds were lost in the windings of some 
 distant gallery. Once more all was still 
 so fearfully, so oppressively still, that it 
 seemed like the sudden calm which pre- 
 cedes some terrible earthquake, and fore- 
 bodes impending calamity ; when suddenly 
 the dread silence was broken by the tolling 
 of a passing-bell, and a chorus of deep 
 voices that rose and fell from a plaintive 
 wailing cry to a low and sullen murmur, 
 were heard chaunting the service appointed 
 for the dying. At that solemn hour, and in 
 
126 RECANTATION. 
 
 that lonely cell, a stouter heart would have 
 quailed at those melancholy sounds ; and 
 the young man turned cold, and trembled 
 as if struck with supernatural awe ; but 
 soon, however, recovering himself, he con- 
 jectured that it could only be the monks 
 praying in the chapel for the soul of some 
 departing brother ; and his curiosity to wit- 
 ness a ceremony from which the old friar 
 had so plainly determined he should be 
 rigorously excluded, completely triumphed 
 over his fears, and he immediately proceed- 
 ed to attempt an escape from his place of 
 confinement. 
 
 " The door at first resisted all his efforts ; 
 but the lock was old, and the youth per- 
 severing, and by dint of some ingenuity, 
 and the assistance of a large clasp-knife he 
 carried with him, it at last yielded to his 
 repeated attempts, and he again found 
 himself in the corridor through which he 
 had been ushered by the monk. At the 
 opposite end he perceived a row of small cir- 
 cular windows, which, as he rightly conjec- 
 tured, looked into the chapel : slowly and 
 
RECANTATION. 127 
 
 cautiously he approached, and gazing from 
 one of these apertures, obtained a distinct 
 view of all that was passing beneath. 
 
 " The whole community, arrayed in their 
 white robes and scapularies, with lighted 
 tapers in their hands, were assembled in 
 the middle aisle : in the centre of the group, 
 and conspicuous from his lofty and com- 
 manding figure, stood a young friar, in the 
 prime of vigor and manly grace. His cowl 
 was thrown back upon his shoulders, and 
 left his shaven head, with its fringe of 
 brown silky hair, and his finely-formed 
 throat, completely exposed ; the ghastly 
 whiteness of his face, of which the still beau- 
 tiful features were drawn and convulsed with 
 agony his livid lips so firmly compressed 
 that they seemed to form but one blue line 
 his eyes, of which the pride and fire even 
 then were hardly quenched, and from 
 whose long dark lashes the heavy tears 
 dropped sullenly upon his cheeks, while he 
 vainly strove to raise his fettered hands to 
 brush away these tokens of his weakness 
 all told the fearful tale ! Yes ; it was for 
 him that the heavy toll of the < Agonia ' still 
 
128 RECANTATION. 
 
 echoed through the stormy air, and for his 
 departing soul that rose the funeral chaunt ! 
 
 " A coffin on tressels was placed before 
 him, and on one side stood a monk with a 
 bright and glittering axe ; on the other a 
 venerable brother upheld a massive cruci- 
 fix, towards which the unhappy criminal 
 strove to rivet his attention ; but it, seemed 
 as if memory was busy at his heart, and 
 thoughts of by-gone days, with fruitless and 
 vain regrets, and the bitter consciousness 
 that his secret doom would for ever remain 
 unknown and unavenged, all crowded up- 
 on him, as he writhed in bitter though una- 
 vailing anguish. And now the last toll of 
 the death-bell had ceased to reverberate, 
 and the final prayers were offered up for 
 him so shortly to be numbered with the 
 dust, and cut off in the prime of youth and 
 vigor, not at the summons of his Creator, 
 but by the judgment of a dark and self- 
 constituted tribunal. 
 
 "The monks formed into a line and 
 slowly left the church through a door which 
 apparently led into the court-yard, followed 
 by the miserable culprit for such he must 
 
RECANTATION. 129 
 
 have been although the sin for which he 
 died has always remained untold. Behind 
 him was carried the coffin yawning to re- 
 ceive its victim, and the remainder of the 
 brotherhood closed the melancholy proces- 
 sion. The unseen gazer grew sick and 
 faint, yet by an involuntary impulse he 
 stretched himself as forward as the narrow 
 limits of the window would permit, and 
 strove to gain some view of what was pass- 
 ing in the yard : he saw the glimmering of 
 the tapers, and then fancied he heard a 
 stifled shriek, followed by a dull heavy 
 sound, which told of the murderous stroke ! 
 
 "His head swam and the cold dew 
 stood upon his brow, while he remained as 
 if rooted to the spot, until the sound of 
 voices returning into the chapel, roused him 
 from his stupor. Hastily retreating to his 
 cell, he secured the clumsy lock so as to 
 show no traces of its having been opened, 
 and throwing himself on the pallet-bed that 
 stood in one corner, vainly endeavored to 
 forget in sleep the fearful scene he had just 
 witnessed. 
 
 "Early in the morning he was summon- 
 7 
 
130 RECANTATION. 
 
 ed by the same friar who had admitted him 
 to the convent, and now came to hasten his 
 departure. Joyfully did he obey the call, 
 and shook the dust from his feet as he 
 emerged from the walls of the monastery, 
 with the consciousness that he was safe 
 in life and limb, and could incur no dan- 
 ger so long as the fearful secret was unre- 
 vealed. Except his confessor, one or two 
 persons only were depositaries of his confi- 
 dence, and religiously maintained the trust 
 reposed in them. He is dead now, how- 
 ever, and it is no violation of friendship to 
 recount this tale, particularly as his name 
 will never be divulged." 
 
 "He was fortunate to get ofF so well," 
 observed the artist, "for had the monks 
 only suspected what he knew, they would 
 never have allowed him to escape out of 
 their clutches." 
 
 "Indeed he was," replied the Marchese ; 
 "for woe to the man who incurs the resent- 
 ment of either priests or friars ! You will 
 think it strange in me to say so," he add- 
 ed gently, turning towards me, "but it is 
 nevertheless too true ; they who should give 
 
RECANTATION. 131 
 
 us the chief example of meekness and for- 
 bearance, are always the most implacable 
 and unforgiving. It is better, however, to 
 offend a priest than a friar : for in the one 
 case all animosity ceases with his life ; but 
 in the other it is perpetuated amongst an 
 entire community." 
 
 "Yes, that is undeniable," said the Con- 
 tessa; "and I know an instance of it in my 
 own family, when the wrath of a whole 
 convent was poured forth upon one of my 
 uncles, the Marchese O., merely for an act 
 of justice and paternal affection ! You re- 
 member my uncle O., Marchesa ? he who 
 married La Santarelli of Narni, neice to the 
 Cardinal Tesoriere ? Ah, it was fortunate 
 for him that his wife had such a powerful 
 relation, to help him out of all the difficul- 
 ties he fell into with the monks at S , 
 
 when he rescued his brother out of Gerusa- 
 lemme !" 
 
 "Gerusalemme !" exclaimed the young 
 Bolognese : "your uncle must have been 
 un uomo particolare,* Signora Contessa, to 
 
 * An extraordinary man. 
 
132 RECANTATION. 
 
 undertake such a journey through love to 
 his brother!" 
 
 "Scu.n, Signor Ferdinando, but you do 
 not understand the sort of Gerusalemme I 
 mean, which is a name given by the monks 
 to a dungeon under the convent, where the re- 
 fractory Lrethen us i d to he immured. As 
 the true meaning of this expression was 
 confined to themselves, it was no violence 
 to their conscience to reply to any inquiries 
 after some unfortunate creature who might 
 be languishing in this frightful prison, that 
 he was gone to Jerusalem, and for two 
 whole years did my uncle invariably receive 
 this answer, whenever he went to ask for 
 news of his brother, Padre Giovanni, who 
 at the commencement of that period had 
 most unaccountably disappeared. 
 
 "At length two natives of the town who 
 had been absent on a pilgrimage to the Holy 
 Land returned home, and my uncle imme- 
 diately sent for them, in the hope of hearing 
 some more explicit tidings of his brother. 
 To his astonishment, they positively assur- 
 ed him that Padre Giovanni had never ap- 
 peared in Palestine ; this intelligence, cou- 
 
RECANTATION. 133 
 
 pled with some mysterious warnings he had 
 lately received, now completely awakened 
 his suspicions, and being a man of great 
 energy arid promptitude, he at once decided 
 how to act, and lost no time in carrying his 
 resolution into effect. Taking with him 
 several servants, he hastened to the convent, 
 and demanded to see the superior, by 
 whom he was, as usual, received with the 
 utmost distinction. The Signor Priore was, 
 if possible, more prodigal than ever of his 
 assurance of esteem and respect, in which 
 he declared the whole community partici- 
 pated not only towards the Signor Mar- 
 chese personally, but to all his noble family 
 besides ; at the same time he was plainly 
 ill at ease, and cast many anxious glances 
 at the number of attendants who had fol- 
 lowed their master unbidden into his pre- 
 sence. After the customary inquiries after 
 his brother, and the unvarying reply that he 
 was supposed to be still in Jerusalem, 
 which the old hypocrite accompanied by 
 sighs and lamentations over the prolonged ab- 
 sence of his son and disciple, the Marchese 
 gave a preconcerted signal to his servants, 
 
134 RECANTATION. 
 
 and the door was promptly secured. He 
 then abruptly confronted the astounded 
 Priore ; * Now, Padre River endo^ said he 
 * Senza complimenti either give me back my 
 brother, who, I have reason to know, is lan- 
 guishing in most unwarrantable confine- 
 ment within these walls, or instantly prepare 
 yourself to be thrown headlong from that 
 window,' and the servants advanced in a 
 body, as if to fulfil their master's threat ! " 
 
 " Oh che gusto /" exclaimed all the guests 
 simultaneously " Che placer e ! " 
 
 "Ehi ! It may be a piacere for you who 
 listen now," resumed the Countess, u but 
 the Priore did not exactly find it so at that 
 moment, when his life was in greater jeo- 
 pardy than it had ever been since a grand 
 Indigestione one Easter Monday many years 
 before ! And what with his pride and ter- 
 ror, each stuggling for the mastery he 
 nearly died of passione ere he could summon 
 resolution to give up the keys, and order 
 Padre Giovanni to be liberated. 
 
 "You may imagine to yourselves the de- 
 light of the meeting between the brothers, 
 although my uncle's happiness was griev- 
 

 RECANTATION. 135 
 
 ously diminished on discovering the dread- 
 ful state of suffering to which upwards of 
 two years confinement in a damp and noi- 
 some dungeon, many feet below the surface 
 of the ground, had reduced the unhappy 
 prisoner. This affair made a terrible sen- 
 sation throughout the country, as you can 
 readily conceive. The Prior fulminated 
 his anathemas against my uncle ; every 
 species of annoyance was resorted to against 
 him, and he was threatened with proceed- 
 ings in the Sant? Uffizio, for contempt of ec- 
 clesiastical authority and violation of the 
 privileges of the Clausura. It was then that 
 the cardinal Tesoriere took my uncle's part, 
 and as no offence could be proved against 
 Padre Giovanni to authorize such tyrannical 
 conduct, which was rather attributed to 
 jealousy and ill-will, the Prior was induced 
 to withdraw his clamorous demands for 
 vengeance. In this way the whole thing 
 was gradually hushed up, and my uncle es- 
 caped better from his quarrel with thefrati 
 than his most sanguine friends had at first 
 anticpated." 
 
 "And did he then obtain no real satis- 
 
136 RECANTATION. 
 
 faction for the barbarities exercised upon 
 his brother?" I inquired, in some surprise. 
 
 " Satisfaction ! Justice ! Redress ! " in- 
 terrupted the Marchesa, with flashing eyes, 
 "Where can these be found beneath a 
 government built up on superstition, and 
 supported by fraud ? " And then came a 
 sweeping invective against all priests, 
 monks, and ecclesiastics, of whatever order 
 or degree ; and, alas ! alas ! against the re- 
 ligion also of which they were the ministers. 
 
 Some desultory conversation now follow- 
 ed, but it fell unheeded on my ear, as, 
 weary and heavy-hearted, I leant back up- 
 on the sofa, and lapsed into a train of 
 melancholy reflections, from which I was 
 aroused by the voice of the Marchesa, who, 
 attributing my silence and abstraction to 
 fatigue, kindly insisted on my retiring to 
 rest. 
 
 I rose early the next morning, in hope 
 of enjoying a ramble along the sea-shore 
 with my husband ; but he had made an en- 
 gagement to go out with some of his friends, 
 and could not even tell me at what hour it 
 was likely he should return. I looked out 
 
RECANTATION. 137 
 
 from my window in search of a garden, or 
 shady arbor, where I might sit sheltered 
 from the sun; but I saw nothing except a 
 few sheep browzing on some scanty her- 
 bage that grew on the banks of a stream, 
 at no great distance from the house, where 
 two girls were employed in bleaching linen ; 
 beyond this appeared some straggling vines, 
 and a few stunted olive trees ; nor could I 
 discover any other traces of cultivation. 
 The prospect was not inviting, and turning 
 from it with a sigh, I took my writing-desk 
 into the sola, with the idea of commencing 
 a letter to my mother. 
 
 The room had not been arranged since 
 the previous evening; chairs were standing 
 a.bout in all directions ; the sofa cushions 
 were tumbled and ill placed ; the lucerna, 
 with an extinguisher placed over its solita- 
 ry wick, stood upon the table ; even the per- 
 sia?ie of the windows were not thrown open. 
 
 The sound of my unavailing attempts 
 to raise the clumsy spring which secured 
 these blinds brought Annina from my apart- 
 ment, where she was busied in disposing 
 my wardrobe to the best advantage the 
 7* 
 

 138 RECANTATION. 
 
 scanty space awarded her would admit of. 
 " Santa Maria!" she ejaculated, " Che son 
 Christiani forse in questo paese ? " * then sud- 
 denly recollecting herself, she checked the 
 observations which rose to her lips, and 
 went in search of some of the domestics of 
 the house. Immediately afterwards two 
 of the damsels I had seen the preceding 
 afternoon, hastened into the room ; and 
 while one of them diligently began to sweep 
 the dusty floor, the other, having thrown 
 open the windows and seen that I was pre- 
 sent, scarcely gave herself time for the cus- 
 tomary ceremony of kissing my hand, ere 
 she flew down stairs again with inconceiva- 
 ble swiftness. She returned in a few mi- 
 nutes, carrying a massive silver waiter, 
 grown dingy from want of cleaning, on 
 which was placed a coffee-pot of the same 
 metal, filled with hot water ; some tea in a 
 saucer, and another cafetiere of china, in 
 which this tea was to be infused ; a plate, 
 filled with slice? of toasted bread; a little 
 butter, procured, as I afterwards discovered, 
 
 * Are they Christians in this country? 
 
RECANTATION. 139 
 
 at great trouble, from a distant farm, and 
 some eggs, lessati, * in the Italian fashion ; 
 that is to say, scarcely warmed throughout. 
 
 She set the waiter down on the table, 
 merely pushing aside the lucerna, a pack 
 of cards, with which the young Anconitan 
 Prince had been playing at Patience the 
 evening before, the Marchesa's half-finish- 
 ed stocking and knitting apparatus, and a 
 variety of dirty gloves and similar etceteras 
 with which it was strewed. After having 
 contemplated all her arrangements with 
 much apparent satisfaction, the girl good- 
 humoredly told me that la colazione was 
 air ordine, and wished me a good appetite. 
 
 I remonstrated against all the trouble I 
 occasioned her, but she gaily answered that 
 it was only a piacere to serve me ; besides 
 which, she had but obeyed the Marchesa's 
 directions, who had positively ordered that 
 my breakfast should be prepared every 
 morning, alV uso Inglese. 
 
 "What, then, do not the other Signori 
 take any breakfast?" I inquired. 
 
 * Boiled, 
 
140 RECANTATION. 
 
 " Oh, no ! " she replied ; " sometimes 
 they drink a cup of coffee before they get 
 up, or un rosso ffuovo,* but not always even 
 that ; ma mi faccia il piacere, Signora Mar- 
 chesina ! sit down to table, for the Marchesa 
 will be angry with me if you do not like 
 your breakfast." 
 
 I smiled at the girl's pressing solicita- 
 tions, and having made the tea in the china 
 coffee-pot a process which she watched 
 with great interest and curiosity I took 
 my seat at the table ; this appeared to 
 satisfy her, and leaving her companion to 
 complete the arrangement of 'the sola, she 
 retired to attend her lady's toilet . 
 
 At this moment my husband entered, 
 equipped for his morning promenade, and I 
 looked joyfully up in his face as I asked 
 him to come and join me at my breakfast, 
 until the others were ready to set off; but 
 with his native air he seemed to have re- 
 turned to former habits, and saying that it 
 was time for him to give up that English 
 
 * The yolk of an egg. 
 
RECANTATION. J 41 
 
 custom, he declined my invitation, and ran 
 down stairs to summon his companions. 
 For some time after he was gone I sat silent 
 and abstracted before the table, while, not 
 to distress my kind hostess by the thought 
 that I had not done honor to her breakfast, 
 1 took one or two crostini from the plate, 
 and gave them to a little turn-spit dog which 
 had found its way into the sala, and by the 
 keenness of its appetite amply demonstrated 
 that to some natives of Romagna, at least, 
 the English custom of breakfasting would 
 be far from unacceptable. 
 
 I scarce knew why, but at that moment 
 the recollections of home rose more vividly 
 before me than they had ever done pre- 
 viously, and I pictured to myself our happy 
 breakfast-table in England, when, seated 
 between my dear parents, our conversation 
 seemed more cheerful, our hearts more 
 light, than at any other time of the day ; 
 then I remembered what a joyous scene it 
 used to be when my two brothers were 
 with us during their vacations ! how gaily 
 we used all to assemble at our morning 
 meal, and feel so blithe and thankful at be- 
 
142 RECANTATION. 
 
 s. 
 
 ing once more together ! And from this my 
 thoughts carried me exclusively to my dear 
 mother, who used to preside over these 
 happy scenes, and her sweet face appeared 
 before me, smiling on her assembled chil- 
 dren, without one trace of the sadness that 
 I in after-times implanted there ! I had 
 never felt so sad as I felt now not at any 
 childish disappointment in the reality of an 
 Italian life, but from a feeling of loneliness 
 that had stolen over me, particularly when 
 I heard Trionfi's voice from the court-yard 
 laughing and jesting with his friends, as 
 they prepared to set out ; and the bitter 
 thought that I was but a secondary consid- 
 eration now, caused me to recall my mother's 
 words as almost a prophetic warning, 
 " Remember, Mary, your husband cannot 
 always remain the lover ! " I was aroused 
 by the entrance of the Marchesa, who had 
 co'me, she said;, per fare un yoco di conversa- 
 zione with me a&:I breakfasted;; I would will- 
 ingly have , remained alone xvith my melan- 
 choly reflections, but I felt the kindness of 
 her motive, and grateMly expressed my 
 thanks* I now trie,cl to assume the gaiety 
 
RECANTATION. 143 
 
 and animation which had hitherto been 
 habitual, but I felt that I had ill succeeded, 
 for the first efforts to wear a smiling face 
 above an aching heart are wearisome and 
 painful. 
 
 The Marchesa, however, supplied all 
 my deficiencies by talking incessantly her- 
 self; only once pausing to break the yolks 
 of two eggs into a table-spoon, and swallow 
 them at one ripresa, a process which she 
 told me was considered by all Italians as 
 very good and strengthening for the voice ; 
 nor was I in truth surprised at their care in 
 preserving that useful organ, considering 
 the great wear and tear to which it is un- 
 ceasingly exposed. Her conversation was 
 not of a very consolatory nature, for she told 
 rne much about the old Marchesa Trionfi, in 
 order, as she said, to prepare rne for her 
 petulance and caprice ; although, in reality, 
 I think it must have been from the desire 
 of venting her dislike agamst. k her sister-in- 
 law through a niew and unresisting chanel. 
 " You will have a great d'&alt.o go through 
 with your Suocera* tqrina, mia^ she added; 
 
 * jMotherrin-law. 
 
144 RECANTATION. 
 
 " for you must not only contrive to please 
 her, but also her confessor, Padre Placido, 
 who rules the whole house, and the Mar- 
 chesa Onoria to boot, with a rod of iron. 
 Annibale has always had a hard life with 
 both of them ; and had he not been a most 
 submissive and dutiful son, as well as an 
 adroit manager, he would have been disin- 
 herited long ago, and the priests have got 
 the whole of her estates in Romagna. So 
 you must learn to manoeuvre too, Nina,* and 
 pretend to be very devout as soon as you get 
 to N : here we are a little more enlight- 
 ened, and do not believe all that the pretit 
 choose to tell us." 
 
 She was here interrupted by the entrance 
 of the Contessa, who seemed to have no pur- 
 suit or occupation to engross her time, a.nd, 
 with a feeling of dismay I cannot describe, 
 I saw myself about two hours afterwards 
 consigned to her guardianship, while the 
 Marchesa ordered the portantina,\ and went 
 out to bathe. In Italy they have no bathing- 
 
 * Nina is a term of endearment, somewhat equivalent to 
 darling or love. 
 
 t Priests. } Sedan-chair. 
 
RECANTATION. 145 
 
 machines as in England ; a deficiency which 
 is amply supplied by the nature of the sea- 
 coast, which in general presents a rocky 
 shore, with plenty of little nooks or tiny 
 bays, where a person can bathe in perfect 
 safety; but at San Fortunato, on the contra- 
 ry, there was merely an open shingly beach, 
 extending far as the eye could reach, with- 
 out a single rock to afford any shelter or re- 
 tirement. To remedy this incovenience, the 
 Marchesa had caused a sort of shed to be 
 erected in the sea, at no greater depth than 
 she could walk into with perfect safety ; an- 
 other enclosure stood about twenty paces 
 higher up to the shore, to which she was 
 carried in the portantina, and where she ar- 
 rayed herself in bathing costume, and then 
 deliberately walked into the other capanna, 
 where a roof of matting concealed her from 
 our view. 
 
 I surveyed this scene from the window 
 with the Contessa, who although she had 
 been in the habit of seeing it every day for 
 the last three weeks, watched the whole pro- 
 ceeding with far more interest than it ex- 
 cited in me, to whom it was a novelty ; and 
 
146 RECANTATION. 
 
 it was not until the Marchesa had disap- 
 peared beneath the waves, that she felt in- 
 clined to resume her conversation ; then, 
 turning towards me, as I was gazing list- 
 lessly on the sunbeams that danced and 
 sparkled on the placid waters, she abruptly 
 inquired whether one could perceive the sea 
 in England ? 
 
 I could scarcely repress a smile at the 
 simplicity of the question, and endeavored 
 to explain that England was not, as she had 
 previously imagined, one large city, but a 
 beautiful island, containing many towns and 
 villages ; but I soon discovered that this 
 question once answered, she had little curi- 
 osity to pursue her inquiries, and preferred 
 talking of subjects that she was already ac- 
 quainted with, to acquiring information upon 
 those of which she was ignorant. 
 
 Thus passed another tedious hour, at 
 the expiration of which the Marchesa return- 
 ed, and establishing herself with her knitting 
 upon one of the divans, she resumed the 
 thread of her previous discourse with un- 
 diminished spirits and volubility. 
 
 The gentle Marchese, whom I liked bet- 
 
RECANTATION. 147 
 
 ter than any one I had yet seen in Romagna, 
 and who I found myself involuntarily com- 
 paring to an Englishman, next came in, and 
 apologized for not having earlier been up f te 
 see me, owing to his having had some bust- 
 ness to transact with the fattore of his es- 
 tate. Padre Stefano and the novice appear- 
 ed soon afterwards, just returned from their 
 bathing expedition ; and as I saw sufficient 
 people now assembled to render my presence 
 unnecessary, I pleaded having letters to an- 
 swer as an excuse, and retired to my room. 
 It was small, and the full glare of the 
 noon-day sun beat upon the window ; but 
 the quiet seemed delightful after the un- 
 ceasing fatigue of the previous morning; 
 and placing my desk upon the toilet-table, 
 I sat down, and began to write. Not long 
 afterwards I heard the sound of many voices 
 ascending the stairs, and my heart beat for 
 joy when I distinguished amongst them that 
 of my husband. I rose hastily, and placed 
 a chair for him opposite to mine, never 
 doubting that he would immediately come 
 in search of me, after the longest time almost 
 that we had been separated since our mar- 
 
148 RECANTATION. 
 
 riage. I waited, and listened for his foot- 
 step : but he remained in the sala, laughing 
 and talking with the rest the gayest of the 
 gay. Once I thought I overheard him ask, 
 " Dov* e Mary?" but he seemed satisfied 
 with the answer, and never came near me 
 till about an hour afterwards, when he en- 
 tered his room, which communicated with 
 mine. He opened the door, and seeing 
 that writing materials were before me, was 
 about to withdraw, when I called him gen- 
 tly, and pointed to the vacant chair. " Che 
 vuoi?" he said, seating himself, however 
 " Tu sei sempre a scrivere sempre a scrivere /" 
 " Nay, if you wish it, I will write no more 
 at present," I replied soothingly, as I closed 
 the desk, and looked towards him with a 
 bright and loving smile a smile that in 
 other days he would almost have died to 
 obtain. But times were changed now I 
 was the wife, and he the husband. 
 
 He complained of being weary from 
 walking so far in the heat of the sun ; and 
 although I could not forget that nearly an 
 hour had passed before he made this dis- 
 covery, not a remark escaped my lips, as I 
 
RECANTATION. 
 
 stood by his side, and caressingly smoothed 
 the dark wavy curls of his hair. " You 
 should not have left the sala, Mary," he said 
 at length " I fear my aunt will find you too 
 cold and reserved ; you must not write any 
 more while you are here." 
 
 " But my mother, Annibale my dear 
 mother," I remonstrated. 
 
 " Zitti, zitti, car a ! It is really not good 
 to occupy yourself so much ; and I have 
 just now heard my aunt remark, that it is 
 better to be "un somaro vivo, che un dottor 
 morlo"* 
 
 " Well, then, I engage not to write so 
 long as you are near me," I answered play- 
 fully ; " and now let us draw our chairs to 
 the window, and tell me all your morning's 
 adventures and " . . . . 
 
 " Ah per appunto I that reminds me that 
 I have promised to go and play a game at 
 billiards with Ferdinando. Addio addio ! " 
 and without waiting for my reply, he started 
 up, and went in search of the young Bo- 
 lognese. 
 
 * '' Better to be a living ass than a dead doctor," a 
 very popular Italian proverb. 
 
150 RECANTATION. 
 
 Again I endeavored to resume my letter, 
 but the unbidden tears fell so fast and thick 
 upon the paper, that I could not read the 
 characters traced by my trembling pen ; 
 and, unable any longer to control my feel- 
 ings, I buried my face in my hands, and 
 wept bitterly. I was disturbed some time 
 afterwards by a knock at the door, it was 
 Annina, come to arrange my dress before 
 the dinner hour, which was three o'clock. 
 I stooped down over the table, and pretend- 
 ed to be looking for some papers in my 
 desk, lest she should detect traces of tears 
 upon my face ; but not long afterwards, as 
 she was dressing my hair, I saw reflected 
 in the mirror her keen dark eyes, filled with 
 an expression of so mujch meaning and com- 
 passion, that I at once divined she had dis- 
 covered my emotion, and perhaps had even 
 penetrated into its cause. 
 
 When I returned to the sala, I found the 
 guests assembled, without the smallest con- 
 cern for any preparation in their dress ; and 
 I felt almost distressed at the toilet I had 
 made, as it seemed so much at variance 
 with the customs of the house. When din- 
 
RECANTATION. 151 
 
 ner was announced, the Marchesa led me 
 down stairs, -the rest all following, without 
 any distinction, to the salle a manger, which 
 was on one side of the entrance-hall, and 
 the billiard-room on the other. The repast 
 was strictly in the fashion of the country, 
 and as such I shall endeavor to describe it 
 accurately. The table, which was round, was 
 covered with numerous plates of salame^ figs, 
 sliced ham, eggs prepared in various ways 
 some air agro dolce, with sugar and vine- 
 gar; fritturaj polenta^ and a variety oi 
 other dishes equally novel to the eye, and 
 incongruous to the palate of an English 
 visitor. 
 
 After every one had taken their seat 
 without any formality or constraint, a large 
 tureen of soup, which had stood in the cen- 
 tre, was removed by one of the men-ser- 
 vants in attendance, and a portion of its 
 contents served out to each guest ; this was 
 followed by a dish of fried fish, placed for 
 a moment on the table, and then, like the 
 
 * Bologna sausage. 
 
 t A general term applying to any thing fried. 
 
 t A preparation of Indian com. 
 
152 RECANTATION. 
 
 soup, carried to the side-board, and distribu- 
 ted in portions. Next came the lesso, being 
 merely the meat of which the soup had been 
 made, cut into slices according to the num- 
 ber of those present, and handed once to 
 each ; and, lastly, the arrosto, either a pair 
 of fowls or pigeons, divided by the before- 
 mentioned seneschal, with his usual discrim- 
 ination and judgment. The company all 
 ate well ; yet, considering they had had no 
 breakfast, and were not to have any supper, 
 I could not help contrasting their modera- 
 tion and perfect satisfaction, with the grum- 
 bling voracity that English people would 
 have exhibited in a similar situation. The 
 greatest consumption was of bread, of which 
 large crusty loaves for at San Fortunato 
 they only baked once a week were de- 
 molished with surprising rapidity ; the sup- 
 ply of wine, both white and red, the growth 
 of the Marchese's estates, was also most 
 liberal; bat though it was universally 
 praised for its excellence and flavor, no 
 one partook of it to profusion. After the 
 four principal dishes, the pieces de resistance, 
 had been discussed, all the smaller piatti 
 
RECANTATION. 153 
 
 were attacked, of which the singular variety, 
 both in quality and cookery, would have 
 excited the astonishment and disturbed the 
 digestion of any but Italians. During the 
 whole time the conversation never flagged ; 
 on the contrary, all seemed to me to talk 
 louder and faster than before ; and the 
 screamings of a parrot, which added its 
 uncouth jabberings to the general clamor, 
 only served to increase their hilarity and 
 good humor. I noticed the novice often 
 stealing a cautious glance from beneath 
 his drooping eyelashes, and laughing within 
 himself at the surrounding gaiety and 
 mirth, in which he seemed to enter with all 
 the interest and curiosity of youth ; but 
 much of the compassion I had at first felt 
 for him had disappeared after the Marchesa's 
 sketch of his early history ; and I could now 
 readily believe, that to a confirmed lover of 
 idleness, such a mode of life did not present 
 great hardship or privation. 
 
 After the dolci and dessert were con- 
 cluded, we all rose from table, and went up 
 stairs together ; and again the endless con- 
 versazione was resumed, till the Marchesa 
 8 
 
154 RECANTATION. 
 
 proposed that I should go with her for a 
 drive. Of course I expressed my willing- 
 ness, the carriage was ordered, and we 
 descended to the court-yard. On taking 
 my place I missed the Contessa, and draw- 
 ing back, intimated my fears that I had 
 deprived her of going out. " Oh, no ! " re- 
 plied the Marchesa ; " Mariuccia is gone to 
 rest a little upon her bed, and get some 
 sleep before we return, that she may be 
 quite awake and lively for the evening. 
 But I have got a cavaliere for you, Eugenio 
 is to come with us." 
 
 Alas ! the name of Annibale had well 
 nigh escaped my lips, for I could scarcely 
 restrain my disappointment on finding that 
 he was not to accompany us, and I looked 
 round to see whether he would not even 
 then consent to occupy the vacant seat 
 beside Don Eugenio ; but he was already 
 gone, and I thought as we drove away, that 
 I heard his voice, mingled with the rolling 
 of the balls, proceeding from the billiard- 
 room. 
 
 In my anxiety to listen I entirely forgot 
 where I was, and only was recalled to my- 
 
RECANTATION. 155 
 
 self by the voice of the Marchesa, repeating 
 a question to which she received no reply ; 
 I blushed at my ill-breeding, and endeavor- 
 ed to sustain my reputation for sprightliness 
 and vivacity, but with a painful depression 
 and weariness of spirits which seemed to 
 long for solitude and repose. I never saw 
 a more wild or uninteresting country than 
 that through which we drove ; and the mists 
 that rose from the beach towards the time 
 of sunset, appeared damp and unhealthy 
 exhalations ; still the Marchesa assured me 
 that, compared to all the inland districts in 
 their neighborhood, the sea-coast was per- 
 fectly salubrious. 
 
 It was dusk when we returned to the 
 house, and as I entered my room to take 
 off my bonnet and adjust my hair, I could 
 not help wishing night was come, that I 
 might lay my head down on the pillow, and 
 cry myself to sleep ; indeed, I scarce know 
 whether I could have resisted this impulse, 
 had not the presence of Annina acted as a 
 restraint. The evening passed much as 
 the preceding one, varied however by the 
 arrival of the post, which only came in twice 
 
156 RECANTATION. 
 
 a week, and brought the Marchesa for she 
 carried on a large correspondence several 
 letters and some newspapers. Our hostess 
 was certainly a peculiar woman, and I now 
 had an opportunity of seeing another of her 
 singular customs exemplified ; she read all 
 her letters aloud no Italian can I believe 
 read to himself but in such a rapid monot- 
 onous voice as to be quite unintelligible; 
 and afterwards tearing off the signature 
 and date, which she burnt- in the flame of 
 the lucerna, left all her correspondence lying 
 carelessly on the table. She then took up 
 the gazette, which I found to be the Journal 
 de Debate; and, having hastily scanned its 
 contents, translated to her hearers whatever 
 she thought it contained most novel or inter- 
 esting. I perceived, however, that her ex- 
 tracts were tinged with the same prejudice 
 and partiality which influenced all her opin- 
 ions ; for like most Italians, who have out- 
 stepped the boundary of intellect and know- 
 ledge suited to their degraded condition, she 
 she was ultra-liberal in her political views. 
 At the period of which I write, the agitation 
 and lawless excitement fomented in Ireland, 
 
RECANTATION. 157 
 
 was looked upon by all the giovane Italia 
 party with intense sympathy and enthusi- 
 asm ; but much of this feeling has since 
 died away, as circumstances have unfolded 
 the secret links which connect the schemes 
 of the revolutionary faction with the Papal 
 See. Even the most ardent of the Italian 
 republicans have grown lukewarm in this 
 struggle, as they plainly foresee that the inde- 
 pendence of Ireland would but give fresh 
 vigor to the Church of Rome, and add 
 strength to her already too powerful influ- 
 ence and sway. 
 
 At that time, however, all the malcon- 
 tents in Italy seemed animated but by one 
 spirit, and closely watched every political 
 change, as if in hopes that some new agita- 
 tor would be raised up for their country, 
 and incite her to break her bonds of slavery 
 and ecclesiastical dominion. With flashing 
 eyes and vehement enunciation the Mar- 
 chesa continued to read, while I marvelled 
 that so little impression was made upon her 
 auditors ; they listened and laughed ap- 
 provingly, but not one expressed an opinion, 
 or gave utterance to a sentiment which re- 
 
158 RECANTATION. 
 
 sponded to her own. On the contrary they 
 seemed chilled and depressed, and Don 
 Eugenio even rose from his seat, and walk- 
 ed softly to the door in a listening attitude, 
 as if suspicious of some treachery from 
 without ; and all appeared inexpressibly re- 
 lieved when she laid down the newspaper, 
 and the conversation resumed its accustom- 
 ed channel. 
 
 It was fear, as I afterwards discovered, 
 which had kept them silent fear of a 
 mysterious power, which "like the pesti- 
 lence that walketh in darkness," shuns the 
 broad daylight for the exertion of its au- 
 thority, and comes in the silence of the 
 night to claim its unsuspecting victim, and 
 consign him to a prison dark and silent as 
 the tomb. Words of less import than those 
 spoken by the Marchesa, would have con- 
 signed the man who had ventured to give 
 them utterance to a dungeon, but in her 
 case her sex, high rank, and influence in 
 powerful quarters had proved a safeguard 
 from the government, who affected not to 
 heed her murmurs, although the same 
 leniency was not extended to such of her 
 
RECANTATION. 159 
 
 friends as presumed to echo her political 
 opinions. 
 
 Meantime our hostess went on to amuse 
 her guests with an account of a visit she had 
 paid to London the previous summer, and 
 all her impressions thereupon ; she had 
 formed some of the most strange and dis- 
 torted views imaginable in reference to 
 England, which I vainly attempted to 
 rectify. 
 
 But I found myself utterly disregarded, 
 and compelled to listen, with a throbbing 
 pulse and heightened color, to the absurd 
 mis-statements she put forth, and the eager 
 credulity with which they were received* 
 Yet why should I feel thus mortified ? Had 
 I not ceased to be English had I not wish- 
 ed to become Italian, and forget the north 
 and all its chilling associations ? How 
 strange it was how like the contradictory 
 spirit of our nature that a feeling of pride 
 and interest in what was once my country, 
 . sprang up within my heart, as I contrasted 
 her freedom and her greatness with the en- 
 slaved and degraded condition of those by 
 whom she was so pitifully derided. 
 
160 RECANTATION. 
 
 During the course of that evening's con- 
 versation I gained a great insight into the 
 national character ; and heard strange anec- 
 dotes and expressions, so illustrative of the 
 popular mode of thinking, that I regret they 
 have mostly escaped my recollection. One 
 of these traits, however, I can still call to 
 mind, as impressing me at the time with a 
 mingled sense of its irreverence and absurd- 
 ity. Some allusion to a statue then ex- 
 hibiting in Rome of the slain Abel, led to a 
 discussion on the Old Testament, of which 
 all present for the Capuchin had long be- 
 fore retired were profoundlv ignorant, ex- 
 cept the Marchesa and the young Bolognese. 
 He, when appealed to, frankly declared that 
 he had read tutta la bibbia,* and had found 
 it moreover very amusing! but that he no 
 longer wondered why the priests were so 
 strict in prohibiting its perusal, because it 
 was un libro pieno di republicanismoj in 
 fact, "advocating the very principles they 
 were so anxious to suppress." 
 
 * The whole of the Bible. 
 
 t A book full of republican ideas. 
 
RECANTATION. 161 
 
 These remarks led to others even more 
 flippant and profane, to which I listened 
 with heart-sickening dismay, for amongst 
 those who freely expressed their opinions 
 on topics too sacred to be thus carelessly 
 discussed, the tones of him, whose every 
 accent could reach my ear amidst a general 
 concourse of voices were but too plainly 
 heard ! More than once before had a vague 
 and terrible suspicion darkened my happi- 
 ness, and filled me with apprehension ; 
 though it had been hitherto cast aside as a 
 thought too fearful to hold place in a fond 
 and admiring heart ! But now it rose again 
 that dread foreboding ! each minute 
 giving it additional truth and reality, and 
 forcing upon me the agonizing conviction 
 that my husband he for whom I had sacri- 
 ficed my faith looked with slighting indif- 
 ference on the most holy subjects ; and even, 
 oh, unutterable anguish ! in rejecting the 
 superstitions in which he had been educat- 
 ed had fallen into the more fearful depths, 
 the darker abyss of infidelity ! 
 
 Oh, the livelong night that followed, 
 whose morning seemed destined never to 
 8* 
 
162 RECANTATION. 
 
 appear ! What incoherent prayers and sup- 
 plications were mingled with bitter tears 
 and despondency ! Wh*at poignant self- 
 reproach was added to my sufferings, 
 what an overwhelming consciousness of my 
 guilt and perjury, when I recollected the 
 solemn oath I had taken to believe in the re- 
 ligion, to whose mistaken doctrine and 
 precepts I was now willing to impute 
 the errors into which he had strayed ! And 
 then again, I could not pray, as I would 
 have prayed before, without increasing my 
 sin and duplicity ; for memory went back 
 to days gone by, and my petitions arrayed 
 themselves in the words and in the spirit of 
 that faith which but a few months previous 
 I haqL publicly abjured ! A life-time of 
 misery ^nd retrospection seemed concentrat- 
 ed in those few hours, and as I tossed on 
 my thorriv pillow, many were the resolu- 
 tions, many the hopes and fears, which al- 
 ternately revived or depressed me. At 
 length with the buoyancy of youth I yielded 
 to the anticipation that I might yet reclaim 
 Trionfi ; flattering myself that by the in- 
 fluence of example, and gentle and fond per- 
 
RECANTATION, 163 
 
 suasion, he would gradually be led to a 
 more serious and fitting train of thought, = 
 forgetting, alas ! that he would set but little 
 store by the precepts of one who had so 
 lately and so readily relinquished the re- 
 ligion of her fathers ! In my earnestness to 
 carry out this project, all previous regrets 
 and disappointments were banished from 
 my mind ; I even reproached myself for 
 having mentally accused my husband of 
 neglect, or discovered any traces of indif- 
 ference in his conduct ; while I resolved 
 by sedulous and enduring affection by 
 cheerful compliance with his wishes to es- 
 tablish such an empire over his heart, as 
 would enable me to work upon his under- 
 standing and dispel the moral darkness in 
 which it was enveloped. 
 
 Strong in these new resolutions I endea- 
 vored, during the remainder of my stay at 
 San Fortunato, to win the good-will of all 
 those around rne ; and in this I think I was 
 successful, although I did not escape an oc- 
 casional laugh or jest at my English love of 
 quiet, and wish to engross 'my husband's 
 
164 RECANTATION. 
 
 society, at the very time when I fancied I 
 was making, in both respects, the utmost 
 sacrifice of my feelings. 
 
 I liked none so well as the Marchese ; he 
 was so considerate and so gentlemanly, that 
 I preferred talking with him to any one else, 
 and saw much in his character, both as 
 landlord and friend, that excited my esteem 
 and admiration. His charities were exten- 
 sive to a degree that often made inroads 
 upon his personal comforts ; for both he 
 and the Marchesa to their praise be it 
 said! did not give only "out of their abun- 
 dance." Although their liberality was some- 
 times injudiciously directed, the whole of the 
 surrounding poor had reason to bless their 
 name : during the winter, when they were 
 absent from San Fortunate, many families 
 were entirely supported at their expense; 
 and even in the summer months, bread was 
 liberally distributed to whoever chose to 
 apply for it. 
 
 The kind-hearted Marchese too had a 
 custom which, as I could not forbear ob- 
 serving to him, seemed likely to give a dan- 
 
RECANTATION. 165 
 
 gerous encouragement to idleness of daily 
 distributing bajocchi* to a crowd of little 
 children who used to assemble at the gate, 
 and assail him with cries of " Caritd, Signor 
 Marchese, caritd!" He smiled good-humor- 
 edly at my remarks, and acknowledged 
 they were perhaps well-founded; but since 
 the government could do nothing for the 
 poor, it was incumbent on every landlord 
 to contribute all in his power towards their 
 assistance. It is but justice to the Italians 
 to add, that this feeling is universally car- 
 ried out to a most generous extent; the beg- 
 gar is never repulsed from their doors, and 
 some even make it a rule never to refuse 
 alms to any mendicant in the street; a prin- 
 ciple which unhappily tends to the support 
 of this class, who literally swarm through- 
 out the Pontifical States. In spite, however, 
 of all my efforts to please, and to be pleased, 
 I could not help counting the hours until the 
 expiration of our visit; for the wearying 
 routine of life at San Fortunato seemed al- 
 most insupportable. Even the Sunday 
 
 * Bajocchi are copper coins, equal in value to a half-penny. 
 
166 RECANTATION. 
 
 brought no difference, after a short mass 
 in the chapel belonging to the house, at 
 which Padre Lorenzo officiated, and all at- 
 tended as a matter of course, the same pur- 
 suits were resumed as during the rest of the 
 week; the same unceasing loquacity, the 
 same billiards, and the same card-playing ! 
 
 At length the wished-for day arrived ; we 
 bade farewell to our kind relatives and their 
 friends ; and then with a feeling of happi- 
 ness I could scarcely conceal, I found my- 
 self once more seated beside my husband, 
 as we rapidly pursued our way to Ancona, 
 where it was arranged that we should sleep 
 that evening. 
 
 To the traveller pursuing the road from 
 Pesaro and Sinigalia, the first appearance 
 of Ancona is imposing in the extreme ; the 
 city is built on a lofty promontory, which 
 running far into the sea, forms one side of a 
 noble bay, forty miles in extent. It is visi- 
 ble at many miles distance, and is rendered 
 doubly interesting from the monotony of the 
 road, which, bounded on the one side by 
 wild irregular hills, and washed on the 
 other by the sea, presents nothing to divert 
 
RECANTATION. 167 
 
 attention from the termination of the pros- 
 pect. 
 
 The aspect of the town is singularly pic- 
 turesque, rising gradually from the water's 
 edge up to the very summit of the hill, which 
 is crowned by the Duomo, one of the oldest 
 Christian churches in Italy, and built on the 
 site of a temple of Venus, to whom in hea- 
 then times Ancona was dedicated. The 
 sun was setting as we approached, and its 
 rays fell with a golden light upon the city, 
 which seemed to lie like a swan upon the 
 bosom of the waters : the shipping in the 
 harbor stood out clear and distinct, casting 
 a darker shadow on the pale blue sea, which 
 changed in the distance to a crimson hue 
 beneath the gorgeous radiancy of the reflect- 
 ed sky. I gazed on this scene with delight, 
 and was hoping that a nearer aspect might 
 not destroy the illusion, when the final dis- 
 appearance of the sun beneath the horizon, 
 was announced by the booming of a cannon 
 from the Capo di Monte. This is a large for- 
 tress built on a mountain, divided only by a 
 narrow defile from the eminence on which 
 the town is situated ; and its bold outline 
 
168 RECANTATION. 
 
 and embattlements give additional interest 
 and variety to the landscape. 
 
 The last echo from the cannon, however, 
 had scarcely died away, when a change fell 
 over the face of nature, not so instantaneous 
 as in those tropical climes where the sun 
 
 " Dyes the wide wave with bloody light, 
 Then sinks at once, and all is night ! " 
 
 but still far different to the soft twilight of 
 an English sky ; and the shades of evening 
 closed so fast around us, that ere we reached 
 the gates, the harbor was wrapped in obscu- 
 rity, and the hill became sparkling and 
 studded with the lights which shone through 
 all the open windows of the houses. The 
 town itself was so badly lit that I could dis- 
 tinguish nothing, excepting that the streets 
 appeared steep, narrow, and irregularly 
 paved, so that it was with some difficulty 
 
 we at length arrived at the Palazzo A , 
 
 where a friend of Trionfi's had insisted upon 
 our passing the night. The next morning 
 we resumed our journey, and towards noon 
 
 entered the city of N . A few minutes 
 
 more brought our carriage to the Palazzo 
 
RECANTATION. 169 
 
 Trionfi, where we found La Marchesa 
 Onoria anxiously awaiting us. 
 
 I was at once chilled and dispirited by 
 her reception of me, it was so formal and 
 constrained ! So different from the joyous 
 welcome that should await the chosen wife 
 of a favorite son ! Still the pleasure she 
 evinced at her meeting with Trionfi, atoned 
 in some degree for her coldness towards my- 
 self, for as she loved him so much, I hoped 
 in time she would love me also ; and I de- 
 termined on my part that nothing should be 
 wanting in the endeavor to secure her affec- 
 tions. It is a hard task though to struggle 
 against prejudice, and I felt she had an 
 inveterate animosity towards me, notwith- 
 standing all the sacrifices I had made to her 
 will ; her manners, too, were haughty and 
 unconciliating, and ill-calculated to remove 
 the natural timidity I experienced at finding 
 myself entirely amongst strangers. She 
 was older and plainer in appearance than I 
 had looked for in Trionfi's mother, and re- 
 tained no traces of the beauty for which 
 she had once been celebrated, excepting a 
 stately deportment, and dark flashing eyes, 
 
170 EECANTATION. 
 
 that at times absolutely kindled into flame. 
 Proud of her birth, and scrupulous in ex- 
 acting all the respect and deference to which 
 she was entitled, she never forgave my 
 not being (in her estimation) of equal rank, 
 and always appeared to consider me as an 
 intruder upon the titles and dignity of her 
 family. Many were the cutting allusions, 
 the bitter sarcasms in which she indulged 
 at the expense of the " Negoziante's* daugh- 
 ter," and though I bore even that in patience, 
 heaven knows it was hard enough ! par- 
 ticularly when I felt my blood burn with 
 indignation at the insulting comparison be- 
 tween these petty traffickers in the produce 
 of their land,t and the enterprising boundless 
 range of commerce in which my father, as 
 a British merchant, was engaged ! 
 
 Amongst the nobility of N I also 
 
 felt myself ill at ease. In the hope of grati- 
 fying my mother-in-law, I endeavored to 
 cultivate an intimacy with some of the ladies 
 who had called upon me on my first arrival, 
 
 * Merchant or trader. 
 
 t In the south of Italy the nobles sell their own corn ; 
 wine and oil even in retail sometimes. 
 
RECANTATION. 171 
 
 and who assumed a stately etiquette which 
 struck me as perfectly ludicrous, after the 
 fashionable ease of the Florentine society. 
 I flattered myself, however, that the ice of 
 ceremony would thaw at last, and still 
 hoped to find beneath this frigid exterior 
 some of the warmth and vivacity which 
 I thought must naturally belong to every 
 Italian. Vain delusion ! The world had 
 stood still with them for at least a century 
 and a half! Their ideas, their conversa- 
 tion, even their manners, were so artificial 
 and constrained, that I felt any thing beyond 
 a mere formal acquaintance would be abso- 
 lutely impossible, and gave up the attempt 
 in despair. 
 
 At a concert given in my honor not long 
 after our arrival, I had an opportunity of 
 seeing the rigid etiquette in which these 
 Patricians delighted, displayed to its fullest 
 extent. I saw curtesys exchanged between 
 friends of many years standing so reveren- 
 tial and profound, that could Louis Qua- 
 torze's maitre de minuet have purposely arisen 
 from the grave, his heart would have been 
 gladdened by the spectacle ! 
 
172 RECANTATION. 
 
 The lady of the house received her 
 guests in silent dignity, pointing to a seat, 
 which was taken with a deep curtesy. The 
 entrance of a gentleman was still more im- 
 posing: for after advancing towards the 
 hostess with a profound bow, he would 
 make a circular reverence to the ladies 
 seated round the room, and then back out 
 of the circle to take his station amongst the 
 crowd assembled in the door-ways and 
 ante-chambers. 
 
 The elite of N society were present, 
 
 and there was not a person in the room be- 
 low the dignity of a Count ; they all called 
 each other by their titles too, till I was 
 quite weary of being addressed incessantly 
 as La Marchesa, and longed to find myself 
 once more in Florence, where rank could be 
 respected and held in its proper estimation 
 without so much external parade and ab- 
 surdity. It seemed like an exquisite satire 
 upon the whole, when, looking upwards, I 
 discovered that the chandelier suspended 
 from the ceiling was moulded in the form of 
 a Marchesa's coronet ! A slight smile of 
 derision had scarcely curled my lip, when 
 
RECANTATION. 173 
 
 my eyes accidentally fell upon the em- 
 broidery of my handkerchief, and with an 
 involuntary sigh I recognized the symbol it 
 recorded. 
 
 The concert consisted chiefly of instru- 
 mental music, and the most unbroken silence 
 was preserved throughout ; even an occa- 
 sional sotto voce observation seemed peremp- 
 torily interdicted, and an universal zitti 
 would awe the offender into silence. Dur- 
 ing the intervals of the music however, there 
 appeared but little inclination to avail them- 
 selves of the permission to converse, and 
 the principal sound heard was that of the 
 servants carrying round salvers of ices and 
 confectionery. I thought the evening would 
 never end, but eleven o'clock did at length 
 arrive, and the party broke up, when I in- 
 wardly hoped it might be the last entertain- 
 ment of the kind I should ever be present 
 at in N . 
 
 Meantime weeks passed on, during 
 which I daily grew more conscious of the 
 frail tenure by which I held my happiness, 
 as I felt my influence over my husband per- 
 ceptibly declining. Trionfi loved me still 
 
174 RECANTATION. 
 
 but not as he had loved a short time be- 
 fore ; and I felt the change most bitterly, nor 
 could I perhaps altogether conceal that I did 
 so. An Italian woman, expecting less, 
 would have been more satisfied ; but I, a 
 spoilt and petted child, whose every wish 
 had been gratified, every thought anticipat- 
 ed, looked for other than common-place 
 attentions from one, whose vows of attach- 
 ment had previously been so ardent. But 
 woe to the woman who, blinded by the in- 
 fluence of love and ambition, unites her fate 
 to any man without ascertaining his religious 
 principles ; for she stakes her happiness on 
 earth nay, even her hopes of heaven for 
 the sake of one who, living only for the 
 world, sees no future beyond the grave, and 
 to whom the solemn ties contracted at the 
 altar seem but legislative fetters, to be cast 
 aside as soon as the first impetuosity of 
 passion has subsided ! 
 
 Still Trionfi loved he still was proud 
 of me, and pleased when I was admired : 
 and he might yet have been reclaimed but 
 for the pernicious influence of my mother- 
 in-law. Her aim seemed always to coun- 
 
RECANTATION. 175 
 
 teract any little scheme I had formed to en- 
 joy his society either by reminding him of 
 some appointment, or taking me with 
 her for a drive, when I had hoped for 
 the now rare indulgence of a ramble with 
 him in the country. And thus, at length, 
 partly from his constant habit of deferring 
 to his mother's wishes, and dread of her 
 displeasure partly, perhaps, from the force 
 of early habit and example Trionfi lapsed 
 into the complete Italian husband, kind and 
 affectionate when we were together, but no 
 longer looking upon his home as the sacred 
 shrine of all happiness or enjoyment. 
 
 Whenever I went to the Opera, he made 
 a point of accompanying me thither, though 
 I saw but little of him when there, for our 
 box was always filled with visitors, and he 
 would soon retire to pay his round of visits 
 to all the ladies of our acquaintance at the 
 theatre. 
 
 On other evenings he would either re- 
 sort to the cafe or the casino, or else pass 
 his time in making calls at different houses 
 where there was always sure to be a conver- 
 mzione, for each family had its little coterie 
 
176 RECANTATION. 
 
 of intimate friends who would regularly 
 drop in for an hour's chit-chat, to hear and 
 communicate all the events of the day. 
 
 This was also the case with the Mar- 
 chesa Onoria, who held a sort of levee every 
 evening, which was invaribly frequented by 
 three or four elderly gentlemen, who had 
 been habitues de la maison for upwards of 
 twenty years, and were still as regular as 
 clockwork in their attendance, whenever 
 
 she was residing in N . Besides these, 
 
 several young men had been added to the 
 circle since my arrival, and their visits 
 seemed to be viewed by my husband with 
 approbation rather than otherwise, as a sort 
 of tribute to my powers of attraction in 
 which his vanity was concerned. 
 
 Some of these old friends of the Mar- 
 chesa's were amusing from their garrulous 
 simplicity and inveterate prejudice ; one in 
 particular, who could speak a little English, 
 was fond of practising it at the expense of 
 my patience, and one night recounted to me 
 all the anxiety and vexation he was occa- 
 sioned on account of one of his daughters 
 for I ought to have mentioned that none of 
 
RECANTATION. 177 
 
 these constant visitors were venerable ba- 
 chelors, as I had at first imagined, destitute 
 of the comforts of a domestic life, but mar- 
 ried men, who left their wives and families 
 at home to be in their turn amused by other 
 visitors. 
 
 The abstract of the old Count's story, 
 which he employed some hours in detailing, 
 was briefly this ; his youngest daughter 
 had been sent for her education to a convent 
 
 near L , where she appeared to be 
 
 making the most satisfactory improvement, 
 when, unfortunately, she was visited by 
 some old friends of her father's recently ar- 
 rived in that part of the country, who ob- 
 tained permission for her to spend a day 
 with them out of the convent. The lady 
 and her husband brought their charge safe- 
 ly back in the evening, and then it was, 
 that on taking leave, the gentleman most 
 unadvisedly bestowed a kiss upon his 
 young friend. Now as the damsel was 
 scarcely fourteen, and the Conte old enough 
 almost to be her grandfather, there was no- 
 thing very heinous in this action; but the 
 9 
 
178 RECANTATION. 
 
 nuns and educandej* who had witnessed the 
 whole proceeding through the grating of the 
 parlatojojr thought otherwise, and treated 
 the poor Contessina as if she had been con- 
 taminated by this ill-omened salute, and 
 shrank from her wherever she appeared, as 
 if there was infection in her very toiach. 
 She was taunted and jeered at forbidden 
 to speak to any of her companions, and 
 placed at meal-times upon her knees in a 
 corner of the refectory. This system of 
 persecution, prolonged for several weeks, 
 produced such an effect upon the poor girl, 
 that she at length fell seriously ill, and her 
 
 parents were summoned from N , under 
 
 the impression that her recovery was hope- 
 less. 
 
 Contrary to all expectation, however, 
 her youth triumphed over the violence of 
 her illness, and in a short time she w r as 
 sufficiently convalescent to be removed to 
 her home. This would have seemed the 
 
 * Girls placed in the convent for their educations 
 t The convent parlor. 
 
RECANTATION. 179 
 
 natural termination of all her father's cares 
 and anxiety, but on the contrary, it was 
 here that his greatest perplexity commenced. 
 " For you see," he continued, " dat my 
 family is so organized I cannot keep my 
 daughter at home, for my moder and my 
 two broders are living in de two upper 
 floors of de same house wid me ; and dat 
 gives good excuse for my daughter to get 
 out of my sight. She perhaps come to me 
 and say, ' Papa, I go to make a visit to my 
 grand-mamma,' but how do I know if she 
 goes or no ? Aha ! you see I am right 
 girls must not be trusted too moch. No, 
 no!" 
 
 " And what then do you mean to do in 
 this dilemma ? " I inquired. 
 
 " Why dere is but one remedy ; she 
 must be married, and we are looking about 
 for a suitable match, but it is difficult to 
 find, very ! " 
 
 " Would it not facilitate your plans to 
 take your daughter a little into society, 
 where she might have a chance of seeing 
 some person she would like for her future 
 husband ? " 
 
180 RECANTATION. 
 
 " Ah, my dear lady ! " cried the Count, 
 absolutely laughing at the naivete of my re- 
 marks, " we do not let our children choose 
 for demselves in Italy ! De parents are de 
 best jodges; and when I have found a good 
 establishment for my daughter, I shall not 
 tell her till every ting is arranged." 
 
 " But supposing she is not pleased with 
 the sposo ?..."! suggested. 
 
 " Oh, dere is no fear of dat ! She knows 
 dat her father will choose for her good ; and 
 besides dat, she will think it is much better 
 to be married, and have fine clothes and 
 pretty jewels, than to go back to a convent. 
 Ah ! she will be very pleased to say, Yes ! 
 I assure you, my dear Marchioness, dat 
 when I told my eldest daughter dat I had 
 found her a very good husband, who was 
 suited to her in every way, she did not even ask 
 his name, but jumped and danced for joy ; and 
 den running up to me, she put her arms round 
 my neck and said, "Now tell me, dear papa, 
 how many new dresses shall I have ? ' " 
 
 I heard so many anecdotes of the same 
 description, that they soon ceased to interest 
 me ; and neither the novelty of this people's 
 
RECANTATION. 181 
 
 \ 
 
 opinions, nor even their quaint and primitive 
 manners, could any longer afford entertain- 
 ment, or dispel the painful reflections which 
 crowded daily upon me. Even the minor 
 evils of my position were sufficiently dis- 
 heartening, and the old-fashioned arrange- 
 ments of the Palazzo, in which my mother- 
 in-law would permit no change, its gloomy 
 tapestried walls, and vaulted desolate apart- 
 ments, whose furniture almost solely con- 
 sisted of gilded moth-eaten chairs, formally 
 stationed round the room like grim sentinels 
 against modern taste or innovation, made 
 me involuntarily recall the comforts and in- 
 dulgences I had enjoyed in the happy home 
 of my childhood. If any consolation was 
 to be derived, however, from seeing that 
 others had equal grievances to complain of, 
 I might have returned home satisfied with 
 the result of a visit I paid one afternoon to 
 the Marches a F , one of the most inter- 
 esting women in N . 
 
 The drawing-room was miserably dark ; 
 for the windows which stood in a high re- 
 cess, looked into a narrow and gloomy street* 
 Although autumn was now far advanced, 
 
182 RECANTATION. 
 
 the polished stone floor was still uncarpeted, 
 and struck cold and chill as ice, while the 
 comfortless fire-place gave no traces of ever 
 being made use of. The furniture, too, was 
 scanty and meagre in the extreme ; a long 
 straight divan occupied one side of the room, 
 and in front of it stood a small round table, 
 on which was placed a silver lucerna, ready 
 to be lighted for the evening's conversazione. 
 These, with a marble console, facing the 
 windows, and six chairs, distributed at in- 
 tervals between four doors that opened into 
 this cheerless apartment, constituted its en- 
 tire equipment. The lady of the house rose 
 in some confusion when I was announced, 
 as if annoyed at having been detected in her 
 morning deshabille: she was a beautful young 
 woman, with a fair white skin, and an ex- 
 quisite peach-like bloom upon her cheeks, 
 rich auburn hair, and pencilled eye-brows 
 and lashes of a much darker hue : yet, with 
 all this loveliness, she could ill bear the 
 test of the slatternly attire in which I found 
 her. She kept drawing a large shawl, that 
 she had hastily thrown over her shoulders, 
 more closely aronnd her, while she com- 
 
RECANTATION. 183 
 
 plained of the coldness of the room, and its 
 gloomy appearance. After two o'clock in 
 the afternoon, she said it was impossible to 
 see without candles, and she had no alter- 
 native but to have them lighted, or sit in 
 the dark without any occupation. The 
 rooms on the second floor were much more 
 cheerful, and even occasionally got glimpses 
 of the sun ; but these, she added with a sigh, 
 were occupied by her mother-in-law ! 
 
 An accademia* was to be given that eve- 
 ning at the house of a mutual acquaintance, 
 and I expressed a hope of seeing her there ; 
 but she shook her head, and replied, that 
 she feared it would be impossible, although 
 she wished it very much, because her hus- 
 band was gone to visit some estates in the 
 neighborhood, and would not return in time 
 to accompany her. As I knew she had 
 been married eight or nine years, I asked 
 whether it would not be etiquette for her to 
 go alone, or at any rate with some female 
 friend ? 
 
 She replied sorrowfully in the negative, 
 
 * Concert. 
 
184 RECANTATION. 
 
 that she well knew her suocera* would dis- 
 approve of it although she herself could see 
 no objection to what I proposed; but it was 
 useless even to ask her, she repeated, more 
 sadly than before. A few instants after- 
 wards she resumed the subject in a more 
 cheerful voice, and said there was a person, 
 to whom no objection could be raised, and 
 who would have escorted her that evening 
 
 the Conte N ; but he happened to be 
 
 still confined to the house after a long ill- 
 ness had I heard of him ? For several 
 years not a day had passed without her 
 seeing him ; he was such a very old friend ! 
 Had he been well, she might have gone with 
 him without any impropriety. 
 
 The person thus alluded to could be no 
 other. than her cavaliere ; but both her voice 
 and manner werq so simple and unaffected, 
 the expression of her face so confiding 
 and ingenuous, that in the present instance 
 I could not bring myself to place any harsh 
 or evil construction upon this exemplifica- 
 tion of a custom still generally practised in 
 
 * Mother-in-law. 
 
RECANTATION. 185 
 
 the south of Italy. Poor thing ! her heavy 
 sighs and mournful looks, when speaking 
 of her suocera, often recurred to my memory, 
 and taught me a lesson of patience and for- 
 bearance towards my own mother-in-law, 
 whose petty tyranny and caprices seemed 
 to know no limits. All this, however, I 
 would have supported with cheerfulness, 
 could my mind have been relieved of the 
 grievous religious doubts and perplexities 
 with which I was now incessantly tormented. 
 I seemed to require the smooth-tongued elo- 
 quence, the bland and persuasive arguments 
 of my teacher in Florence, to reconcile me 
 once more to my conscience and mvself : I 
 even longed for the return of Padre Placido, 
 the family chaplain, who had been for some 
 time absent from N , in the hope of de- 
 riving from his spiritual assistance a return 
 of the confidence and self-satisfaction with 
 which Dr. H's instructions had inspired me. 
 Fears and suspicions, lightly cast aside in the 
 short-lived season of my happiness, now re- 
 turned with ten-fold bitterness; and I would 
 have worshipped any one who could lull 
 9* 
 
186 RECANTATION. 
 
 these doubts into repose, and remove the 
 overwhelming conviction that the guilt of 
 perjury rested upon my soul, and that 
 every thought and impulse was a tacit dis- 
 avowal of the faith which I had sworn upon 
 the Gospels to uphold. 
 
 I heard so much of Padre Placido's piety 
 and zeal, that in my eagerness to derive 
 some consolation from his presence, I forgot 
 all the prejudices with which the Marchesa 
 Castel-Franco had impressed me, and wel- 
 comed the announcement of his arrival, late 
 one Saturday evening, with almost as much 
 pleasure as my mother-in-law herself. He 
 presently joined us at supper, and quite 
 charmed me with the affection he displayed 
 towards Triorifi, which completely refuted 
 in my opinion all that the Marchesa had 
 told me at San Fortunato, of his anknosity 
 and intrigues to supplant him in his moth- 
 er's favor. He also seemed very kindly 
 disposed towards myself, repeatedly decla- 
 ring that he rejoiced to see the lamb which 
 had been gathered into the fold, so that I 
 felt completely prepossessed in his favor, 
 
RECANTATION. 187 
 
 and looked upon his grey locks and venera- 
 ble aspect with the utmost interest and 
 respect. 
 
 The following morning I went, as usual, 
 to mass with my husband for every Italian 
 is obliged, from political considerations, to 
 attend to the external ordinances of the 
 Church and returned home more than 
 usually out of spirits, and dissatisfied with 
 the manner in which I had performed my 
 Sabbath devotions. On entering my dress- 
 ing-room, I threw myself into a chair, and 
 sat for some time immersed in thought, until, 
 urged by some irresistible impulse, I rose 
 from my seat, and fetched the pocket Bible 
 my poor dear mother, on my wedding-day, 
 had entreated me to read for her sake. It 
 had never been opened since that moment ; 
 and as I turned over its sacred pages, I felt 
 bewildered and uncertain as to where I 
 ought to search for the stores of comfort it 
 contained, when my eyes cursorily fell upon 
 iiese words, " All Scripture is given by 
 spiration of God, and is profitable for doc- 
 x e, for reproof, for correction, for instruc- 
 in righteousness ; that the man of God 
 
188 RECANTATION. 
 
 may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto 
 all good works."* 
 
 Oh, then, there was consolation for me 
 here ! The Volume that now lay open be- 
 fore me spoke with Divine authority, and in 
 its mute though heart-stirring eloquence, had 
 shown me where to seek for all I needed ! 
 
 I sank upon my knees, and prayed that 
 those blessed words might be engraven on 
 my heart, and teach me where to search for 
 pardon and for peace. I prayed also for 
 support in my weary solitude, and disap- 
 pointment, and to be forgiven for my pre- 
 vious levity and neglect. Yet, of what avail 
 was this tardy devotion and repentance 
 felt only when I had experienced the insta- 
 bility of earthly joys, and the withering of 
 youth's fairest prospects ; and I remembered 
 the words I had often read in infancy at my 
 mother's knee, 
 
 " A flower that' s offered in the bud is no mean sacrifice," 
 
 when all that I now brought was an aching 
 * 2 Tim. in. 16, 11. 
 
RECANTATION. 189 
 
 heart and blighted hopes to the shrine of 
 that Creator, from whom, in hours of happi- 
 ness and delight, I had turned careless and 
 ungratefully away ! 
 
 I was still kneeling, when a low knock 
 at the door attracted my attention : I hastily 
 rose, and endeavored to compose myself ere 
 I gave the requisite permission to enter. It 
 was Padre Placido, come with an invitation 
 from the Marchesa Onoria to prepare, with- 
 in two hours, to accompany her on a visit 
 to Ancona, chiefly to view a beautiful proces- 
 sion which was to pass through that town 
 in the afternoon : he still lingered, however, 
 after having delivered this message, as if 
 unwilling to depart, and common politeness 
 required that I should request him to be 
 seated. This he most readily complied 
 with ; and drawing a chair opposite to mine, 
 he sat down, and entered into a conversation 
 which from general subjects very soon 
 diverged to the topic most interesting to us 
 both. 
 
 This was the opportunity I had so long 
 wished for ; and, encouraged by his gentle 
 sympathizing manner, I was about to con- 
 
 
190 RECANTATION. 
 
 fide to him all the scruples and objections 
 which harassed my mind, when I suddenly 
 recollected the terrible penalty which, in the 
 form of Recantation, I had invoked upon 
 mvself, that, should I at any time presume 
 to dispute such truths, I was to be proceeded 
 against according to the rigor of the ecclesias- 
 tical laws ! 
 
 I had been already long enough in the 
 
 Pontifical states, to learn to shudder at the 
 
 very thought of the Inquisition that dread 
 
 tribunal to whose authority all dissenters 
 
 against the Church's discipline or precepts 
 
 are consigned : its dark walls rose frown- 
 
 ingly before me : and when I remembered 
 
 that an ill-placed confidence, an imprudent 
 
 avowal, might irredeemably surrender rne 
 
 to its influence, my heart seemed to die 
 
 within me, and I grew faint and trembling. 
 
 The priest noticed my sudden agitation, 
 
 and I was compelled to mutter some hasty 
 
 excuse about suffering from the heat of the 
 
 church that morning, whilst I endeavored 
 
 to change the subject of conversation ; but 
 
 he was not so easily to be diverted from his 
 
 purpose, and kept on inquiring what books 
 
RECANTATION. 191 
 
 I had read on the doctrines of the Church 
 previous to my conversion. I was obliged 
 to explain the short time Bishop H. had re- 
 mained in Florence, and my ready ac- 
 quiescence to all he taught me (I might 
 have said with greater truth my indifference 
 and carelessness on the subject) before I 
 could overcome my interrogator's surprise 
 on discovering the superficial nature of my 
 instructions. After his first astonishment 
 had subsided, however, he seemed rather 
 pleased than otherwise at the task which 
 awaited him ; and repeated, that it would 
 be his unceasing care to establish me firmly 
 in the knowledge of his holy religion. He 
 then took from his pocket a book, which it 
 seemed he had purposely brought with him, 
 entitled Dottrina Cristiana,* and recom- 
 mended it to my assiduous and earnest 
 perusal. I faithfully promised to comply 
 with his wishes, and inwardly hoped it 
 might prove as tranquillizing and beneficial 
 
 * Dottrina Cristiana, compilata per ordine dell' eminentis- 
 simo Cardinale Nembrini Gonzaga, Vescovo d' Ancona, per 
 use della Citta e Diocesi, 1830. 
 
192 RECANTATION. 
 
 to my restless state of mind as he seemed 
 to anticipate ; but in the meantime, a new 
 inquiry having been started, I was amazed 
 beyond all powers of description at the ex- 
 traordinary opinions I heard him express. 
 His question had reference to the nature of 
 religious works generally read amongst 
 Protestants ; and it was my answer, that 
 the Bible was always the foundation of their 
 studies and meditations, which called up 
 the startling declaration, "that the Scrip- 
 tures, in the hands of the laity, were but the 
 vehicle to the most pernicious errors and de- 
 ceit ! 
 
 "What benefit," he continued, "do these 
 miserable heretics imagine they can derive 
 from reading a book, the true meaning of 
 which is only revealed to the clergy ? Why 
 do they have the presumption to attempt to 
 search out mysteries of which the clue re- 
 mains with the Church and her ordained 
 ministers? Tell me," he added with in- 
 creasing excitement, "why is this pestilen- 
 tial custom persisted in ? what advantage 
 to their souls do they expect to derive from 
 it?" 
 
RECANTATION. 193 
 
 ' 
 
 With a faltering voice I replied, that 
 Protestants sometimes studied the Bible for 
 the strengthening of their faith by the fulfil- 
 ment of the glorious prophecies it contain- 
 ed for 
 
 "What!" he exclaimed, "do they also 
 presume to search out the prophets, and 
 place their own interpretation upon their 
 sacred mysteries? What a religion ! it 
 gives the vulgar and ignorant access to its 
 hidden store-houses of learning and inspira- 
 tion, which they convert to their own misery 
 and perdition. Behold, with us how different ! 
 The Church, as a pious mother, dispenses, 
 through our hands, the food and nourishment 
 necessary for her children ; we teach, and 
 they, in all humility, receive our doctrine 
 and instruction. Alas ! for those poor here- 
 tics, rushing on to their eternal condemna- 
 tion ! " 
 
 " Nay, but my father," I said hesitatingly, 
 " remember there are some who merely read 
 the Scriptures for the beautiful precepts 
 they contain, and the example of those holy 
 men whose sufferings they record" .... 
 
 " Talk not to me of that," he interrupted, 
 
194 RECANTATION. 
 
 " it gives no excuse for their presumption ! 
 The Church has provided sufficient books 
 to serve both for precept and example, even 
 were each man to live a hundred years, and 
 read incessantly all that time. Have we 
 not the lives of the saints to furnish us with 
 lessons of faith, and patience, and endur- 
 ance ? Take, for instance, the history of 
 'San Francesco di Paolo,' which in itself 
 alone is of more value than the Old and 
 New Testaments put together !"* 
 
 I almost shrieked at this impious decla- 
 ration ; and in the effort to conceal my emo- 
 tion, I again grew so pale and agitated, that 
 he attributed it to a return of the indispo- 
 sition of which I had just before complained ; 
 and advising me to try and take a little re- 
 pose previous to going to Ancona, with a 
 fresh injunction to read the " Dottrina Cris- 
 tiana " patiently and attentively, he wished 
 me every blessing on my studies and quitted 
 the room. 
 
 * The whole of these sentiments and the concluding ob- 
 servations are given in the very words of the Rector of one of 
 the principal parishes hi a large and influential city of the 
 Pontifical States. 
 
RECANTATION. 195 
 
 He was no sooner gone than I flew to 
 the door, which I locked with breathless 
 impatience, to secure myself from any 
 further interruption ; and then taking up the 
 Bible which his entrance had caused me to 
 lay aside, I began with trembling eagerness 
 to search its pages for every text or passage 
 that could furnish any refutation to the 
 priests's assertions. The words of the 
 Apostle, "All Scripture is given by inspira- 
 tion of God, and is profitable for doctrine, 
 for reproof, for correction, for instruction in 
 righteousness," seemed engraven upon my 
 heart ; and encouraged by this explicit de- 
 claration, I was not to be turned away from 
 my purpose by the prejudiced arguments and 
 angry vehemence of the individual who had 
 just left me. The Sacred Volume again open- 
 ed at the self-same place as if to animate me 
 in my researches, and I now read the verse 
 preceding those which had at first caught 
 my attention, " And that/rom a child thou 
 hast known the Holy Scriptures, which are 
 able to make thee wise unto salvation, 
 through faith which is in Christ Jesus."* 
 
 * 2 Tim. iii. 15. 
 
196 RECANTATION. 
 
 What greater proof is required of the price- 
 less value of these sacred writings, than this 
 passage, in which Timothy is commended 
 for his proficiency in their knowledge since 
 his childhood, and is assured " they can 
 make him wise unto salvation ? " 
 
 On, on, I went, turning from page to 
 page, now pausing here now hurrying 
 on in another direction, uncertain where 
 to look for what I wanted, and still conscious 
 all I required was very near at hand ; I 
 seemed like a man seeking in the dark for 
 something he has mislaid, which he yet 
 knows cannot be far off, nor irrecoverably 
 lost, till at length another passage arrest- 
 ed my attention, as clear, as unmistakeable 
 as the previous verses. " For whatsoever 
 things were written aforetime were written 
 for our learning, that we through patience 
 and comfort of the Scriptures might have 
 hope."* Hope ; blessed word ! oh, surely 
 I needed hope ! On, on, let me search 
 for more ! 
 
 " But if our Gospel be hid, it is hid to 
 
 * Rom. xv. 4. 
 
RECANTATION. 197 
 
 them that are lost ; in whom the God of this 
 world hath blinded the minds of them which 
 believe not, lest the light of the glorious 
 Gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, 
 should shine upon them."* Oh, merciful 
 Heaven ! am not I lost too ? Why did I 
 confess with my lips and swear to believe 
 and to follow a religion that shuts out the 
 light of this glorious Gospel? Why did I 
 not search and read ere I fell into this 
 grievous sin ? And lo ! here is another 
 text, so clear that he who runs may read. 
 "Now, to him that is of power to stablish 
 you according to my Gospel, and the preach- 
 ing of Jesus Christ, according to the revela- 
 tion of the mystery which was kept secret 
 since the world began, but now is made 
 manifest, and by the Scriptures of the prophets, 
 according to the commandment of the everlasting 
 God, made known to all nations for the obedience 
 of faith : to God only wise, be glory through 
 Jesus Christ for ever."f 
 
 Does this accord with the spiritual par- 
 simony the scanty dole of Revealed truth, 
 
 * 2 Cor. iv. 3, 4. t Rom xvi. 25, 26. 
 
"198 RECANTATION. 
 
 and of inspired testimony, which the Church 
 of Rome awards to her children ? And here 
 is the exhortation of another Apostle in fur- 
 therance of the same spirit of extended in- 
 quiry and research which St Paul so elo- 
 quently preaches " I stir up your pure 
 minds by way of remembrance, that ye may 
 be mindful of the words which were spoken before 
 by the holy prophets, and of the command- 
 ment of us, the Apostles of the Lord and 
 Saviour."* 
 
 How strange it now seemed to me that 
 I should so often have heard the Bible read 
 in church on a Sunday, and even sometimes 
 read it out to my mother when we were in 
 England, and not have remembered these 
 striking texts till it was too late ! I even 
 could recall the apathy with which I used 
 to turn over the leaves in search of any 
 chapter that I fancied more entertaining 
 than the rest ; when I little thought the time 
 would come when I should open its pages 
 with a trembling hand, tracing line by line, 
 and verse by verse, in search of fresh wit- 
 
 * 2 Peter iii. 1, 2. 
 
RECANTATION. 199 
 
 ness against myself, and find both proof 
 and condemnation there ! 
 
 My attendant now came to tell me that 
 the carriage was ordered, and would soon 
 be ready. I therefore admitted her, and 
 prepared for our short journey. Soon after- 
 wards I set out in company with the Mar- 
 chesa Onoria and Padre Placido ; and three 
 or four hours' drive brought us to Ancona, 
 where we alighted at the same Palazzo 
 which had kindly sheltered my husband 
 
 and myself on our way to N a month 
 
 before. I had never seen a religious pro- 
 cession before, and was struck with all the 
 preparations that awaited its appearance. 
 The windows and balconies of all the 
 houses were hung with draperies of crimson 
 or yellow damask; the streets were strewed 
 with flowers, and a long line of soldiers kept 
 back the crowd on either side, so as to leave 
 a clear space for the procession to pass 
 through. The crosses and banners of the 
 first "Compagnia"* were already visible 
 in the distance as I approached the balcony, 
 
 * The body of brethren belonging to each parish. A sort 
 of religious corporation. 
 
200 RECANTATION. 
 
 and every head was turned with anxious 
 expectation to watch the approach of the 
 solemn train, as they slowly advanced, their 
 Measured chant becoming more audible, 
 and the flickering light of their torches 
 glancing in the autumnal sunbeams. 
 
 Onward they came, gorgeous in their 
 vestments of velvet and brocade ; compagnia 
 after compagnia defiled through the crowded 
 streets, each headed by their appropriate 
 standard, and vieing in the splendor of their 
 equipments. Then appeared a long train 
 of bare-footed friars, who walked with their 
 eyes cast down to the ground and their 
 shaven heads sunk upon their breasts, as if 
 this bright and beautiful creation was neither 
 good nor fair enough for such saintly men 
 as they. After these came little children 
 dressed like angels, having pasteboard wings 
 edged with gilt paper, holding fast by their 
 mother's hands, as they looked first to one 
 side and then the other, half proud and half 
 bewildered at the novel situation in which 
 they found themselves. A band of mu- 
 sicians next appeared, playing airs from 
 the newest operas as they passed, in strange 
 
RECANTATION. 201 
 
 contrast to the chants and litanies which 
 had been heard so recently before. This 
 seemed a sort of interlude in the pageant ; 
 for although nothing more was yet in sight, 
 every eye was strained to catch the first in- 
 dications of a movement in the distant 
 crowd : I took this opportunity of inquiring 
 what it was which appeared to excite so 
 much expectation, and I was hastily told 
 that it was the far-famed Madonna of the 
 Duomo, who could open and shut her eyes, 
 and had delivered the town from the cholera 
 some years before; in commemoration of 
 which this procession was annually per- 
 formed, and her miraculous picture carried 
 in triumph through the city. And now, 
 again, the gleaming of tapers was seen, as 
 bare-headed, two by two, each carrying 
 a lighted waxen flambeau, the principal 
 nobles of Ancona came slowly on ; these 
 were followed by the magistrates, anziani,* 
 and gonfalonier ej all in their robes of office 
 and authority. The fragrant smell of in- 
 cense was now wafted on the air, and choral 
 
 * Elders or senators. t The chief magistrate. 
 
 10 
 
202 RECANTATION. 
 
 hymns of praise were heard swelling in the 
 distance. Louder and louder grew those 
 solemn sounds, and clouds of fleecy smoke 
 rose from the massive censers which the 
 attendant priests swung to and fro as they 
 preceded the long-looked-for object of the 
 day's ceremonial. On a richly-adorned 
 shrine, borne by the chief dignitaries of the 
 cathedral, and surmounted by a splendid 
 canopy, was placed the venerated picture. 
 As it approached the buzz of excitement was 
 hushed, no sound broke the stillness of the 
 air, save the triumphant anthems of the 
 priests the soldiers presented arms and 
 bent the knee the dense crowd undulated 
 for an instant like an unquiet sea, and then 
 
 simultaneously all knelt and WORSHIPPED ! 
 
 #' # * * # * * 
 
 For hours for days was that scene con- 
 stantly present to my imagination ; I again 
 seemed to view the adoring multitude pros- 
 trate before the senseless picture, and 
 writhed in agony to think I had embraced 
 a faith which encouraged such foul idolatry ! 
 I remembered the indignation with which I 
 had repelled my mother's assertion that 
 
RECANTATION. 203 
 
 image worship was inculcated by the Church 
 of Rome; and even the bishop's words 
 which I then quoted to her, came back 
 clearly and distinct as if he were still speak- 
 ing to me " It is a fiend-like malicious 
 charge, and I grieve that Christian men 
 should bear such false witness against their 
 brethren." But if this imputation were really 
 unfounded, wherefore is the second com- 
 mandment completely suppressed ? Wherefore 
 have they dared to take away aught from 
 the Divine code of laws, delivered amid 
 " thunders and lightnings, arid a thick cloud 
 upon the mount, and the voice of the trumpet 
 exceeding loud ; so that all the people trem- 
 bled ? " * 
 
 It was in the Dottrina Cristiana, placed 
 within my hands as the key-stone of salva- 
 tion, that I first made the discovery of this 
 impious omission. This work is arranged 
 in the form of a catechism, and the first 
 question relating to this subject demands 
 the number of the Commandments of God, 
 
 * Exod. xix. 16. 
 
204 RECANTATION. 
 
 to which the reply is Ten, and they are 
 thus successively repeated. 
 
 1. I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt 
 have none other gods before me. 
 
 2. Thou shalt not take the name of the 
 Lord in vain. 
 
 3. Sanctify the holy-days. 
 
 4. Honor thy father and thy mother. 
 The fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth cor- 
 respond to the sixth, seventh, eighth, and 
 ninth of the two tables, without any varia- 
 tion or curtailment. In order to fill up the 
 remaining deficiency, the tenth command- 
 ment is divided in the following manner. 
 
 9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's 
 
 w T ife. 
 10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's 
 
 goods. 
 
 After this fearful innovation the Dottrina 
 inquires, " Who gave us these command- 
 ments ?" and instructs the catechumen to 
 reply : 
 
 " God himself, in the Old Covenant, en- 
 graved upon two tables of stone ; and con- 
 firmed by Jesus Christ in the New Dispen- 
 sation." 
 
RECANTATION. 205 
 
 The Church does not tell her followers 
 that she has tampered with the Word of 
 God, while she denies them access to Holy 
 Writ, lest they should search and see 
 whether "those things are so." Surely her 
 priests cannot remember the solemn ordi- 
 nance conveyed through Moses, " ye shall 
 not add to the Word which I command you, 
 neither shall ye DIMINISH aught from it "* 
 or consider the awful doom pronounced 
 in the Revelation by the angel, and which 
 applies to all parts of the Sacred Writings, 
 against him " who shall either add to or 
 TAKE AWAY aught from the Words of that 
 Book?"t 
 
 All Dr. H's specious arguments, which 
 I so readily repeated to my poor sweet 
 mother even the very texts I had been in- 
 structed to bring forward, returned vividly 
 to my mind ; and I remembered quoting 
 the two cherubims of gold for the ark of the 
 tabernacle, and the brazen serpent in the 
 wilderness as a proof that graven images 
 might be venerated in churches as religious 
 
 * Deut. iv. 2. t Rev. xxii. 18, 19. 
 
206 RECANTATION. 
 
 memorials, without any danger of lapsing 
 into idolatry. But the newly-sprung up 
 spirit of inquiry within me, soon led me on 
 to search out the passages which referred 
 to these circumstances, and compare them 
 with other parts of Holy Writ; and ere 
 long the simple truth dawned upon me, and 
 demonstrated that even this reasoning, which 
 had seemed so conclusive, was completely 
 at fault. For it is clearly evident that these 
 " cherubim s of beaten gold" were not de- 
 signed to receive any outward marks of 
 respect from the Jewish people nor even 
 to awake their attention and devotion as 
 religious memorials, since they were placed 
 WITHIN the veil, in the holiest of all,* 
 where the people could not see them, and where 
 the high priest alone was permitted to enter 
 once a year. With regard to the brazen 
 serpent it appears that in aftertimes, when 
 they had fallen into idolatry, the children of 
 Israel did actually burn incense before this 
 relic, in commemoration no doubt of the 
 miraculous relief which their forefathers 
 
 * See Heb. ix. 17. 
 
RECANTATION. 207 
 
 had derived from gazing stedfastly upon 
 it, when lifted up by Moses in the wilder- 
 ness. But this mark of veneration to a 
 graven image was displeasing to the Al- 
 mighty, for I read that " it was broken in 
 pieces by the good King Hezekiah," who, 
 zealous in purging the land of its idolatries, 
 " did that which was good in the sight of the 
 Lord."* 
 
 With respect to the worship paid to the 
 Virgin and the Saints, I had hitherto re- 
 mained satisfied with Dr. H's assurance, 
 " that no Catholic ever entreats any act of 
 favor from them, except through the merits 
 of our Saviour. We merely ask," he re- 
 peated, " for their prayers on our behalf on 
 the principle of St. James, that < the prayer 
 of a righteous man availeth much ;' and 
 what difference," he artfully concluded, 
 " what difference could there possibly be if 
 that righteous man were still on earth, or 
 already numbered with the Blessed? " 
 
 This reasoning appeared so forcible, and 
 
 * 2 Kings xviii. 3, 4. 
 
208 RECANTATION. 
 
 I had heard the same defence and explana- 
 tion of this practice so often brought for- 
 ward by Roman Catholics in England, that 
 it disarmed all inquiry, and I remained com- 
 pletely satisfied on the subject until my ar- 
 rival in Romagna, and establishment in my 
 mother-in-law's family. It was then that 
 as one by one all prospects of happiness 
 seemed forsaking me, the veil slowly fell 
 from my eyes, and I saw revealed the utter 
 hollowness of the arguments in which I had 
 so blindly acquiesced. If it be not irreverent 
 and wicked thus to speak, I found that a 
 complete system of polytheism exists in the 
 Romish Church, at the head of which the 
 pure and spotless Virgin, "the highly- 
 favored and blessed among women" has 
 been raised to the station and attributes of 
 a Divinity ! 
 
 In the Dottrina Cristiana the following 
 definition is given of the Axe Maria. 
 
 " It is a salutation and prayer addressed 
 to the Mother of God ;" and in the vulgar 
 tongue may be rendered thus : 
 
 " Hail Mary, full of grace ; the Lord is 
 
RECANTATION. 209 
 
 with thee, blessed art thou among women.* 
 Saint Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sin- 
 ners, both now and in the hour of death." 
 
 The next question is, " By whom was 
 this composed? " To which the catechumen 
 replies 
 
 " Partly by the Archangel Gabriel, part- 
 ly by Saint Elizabeth, and partly by the 
 Church." 
 
 This is plausible enough, particularly 
 when it is considered that the learner, de- 
 prived access to the Sacred Volume, is 
 ignorant where the language 'of inspiration 
 ceases, and the Church's additions com- 
 mence. The whole winds up with this de- 
 claration : 
 
 " By the intercession of the most Blessed 
 Virgin, I can more easily obtain that which 
 I ask of God ; for she is the ADVOCATE OF 
 SINNERS, and full of grace, and is exalted 
 in heaven above all the choirs of angels, 
 and is most acceptable unto God." 
 
 Alas ! alas ! I have searched the apos- 
 tolic writings in the hope of finding a line 
 
 * See Luke i. 28, 42. 
 
 10* 
 
210 RECANTATION. 
 
 a word even to sanction this invocation to 
 the Virgin ; but, on the contrary, their uni- 
 form language is " by prayer and supplica- 
 tion with thanksgiving, let your requests be 
 made known unto GOD."* 
 
 " If any man sin, we have an Advocate 
 with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous : 
 and HE is the propitiation for our sins."t 
 And, then, what can be more comprehen- 
 sive than this declaration of St. Paul, " It 
 is Christ that is risen again, who is even at 
 the right hand of God, who also maketh inter- 
 cession for us ? "J 
 
 Is not our Saviour here shown to be all- 
 sufficient for us 1 what need have we of 
 any other Mediator, than HE " through 
 whose blood we have redemption, even the 
 forgiveness of sins? " Neither could I dis- 
 cover a single passage in the Scriptures to 
 authorize onr petitioning any of the saints 
 to use their influence in our behalf; even 
 the often-quoted words of St. James do not, 
 when thoroughly examined, afford the slight- 
 
 * Phil. iv. 6. t 1 John ii. 1, 2. 
 
 t Rom. viii. 34. Colos. i. 14. 
 
RECANTATION. 211 
 
 est support to this argument, although they 
 are constantly brought forward by Roman 
 Catholics. " Pray for one another," says 
 the Apostle, "that ye may be healed. The 
 effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man 
 availeth much."* None will dispute the 
 excellence of this exhortation, or deny that 
 often in the hour of suffering and sorrow 
 they may have asked for the prayers of 
 some pious friend, in the same way that an 
 entire congregation are requested to join irt 
 supplication for an afflicted brother. But 
 far different is the case when that pious 
 friend is removed from earth to receive his 
 reward in heaven ; for his assistance is then 
 no longer demanded as from one man to 
 his fellow, but his aid and intercession are 
 PRAYED for on bended knee and if the Ro- 
 manists believe their saints can hear their 
 petitions, when they are being perhaps in- 
 voked from opposite ends of the world at 
 the same moment, they at once invest them 
 with omnipresence, the attribute of God alone. 
 I heard Padre Placido one day express 
 
 * .Tames v. 10, 
 
212 RECANTATION. 
 
 his sentiments on this subject by comparing 
 the kingdom of heaven to an earthly court, 
 whose sovereign we never venture to address 
 on our own behalf, but supplicate those 
 ministers and officers who are more imme- 
 diately about his person, and highest in his 
 favor, to intercede for us with him, that he 
 may grant what we desire. But to extend 
 this notion to Him whose kingdom is from 
 everlasting to measure heavenly things by 
 the standard of the perishable vanities of 
 this world is surely to despise the majesty 
 of God, who " knoweth before we ask what 
 we stand in need of:" and to set little store 
 by that Divine assurance, " J, even J, am 
 he that comforteth you."* 
 
 I remembered, too, while he spoke, our 
 Saviour's words, "I AM THE WAY, the truth, 
 and the life : no man cometh unto the Fa- 
 ther, but BY ME ;" and St. Paul's express 
 declaration, " There is one God, and ONE 
 MEDIATOR BETWEEN GOD AND MEN,"t re- 
 turned forcibly to my recollection, and I 
 asked myself where was the infallibility of 
 
 * Isa. 1. 18. f 1 Tim, ii. 5. 
 
RECANTATION. 213 
 
 a religion which acknowledged so many 
 mediators, so many intercessors and even 
 conferred upon the Virgin the title of AD- 
 VOCATE OF SINNERS, in direct opposition to 
 every injunction of Holy Writ? 
 
 I dared not, however, allow a suspicion 
 of these reasonings to be discovered, and in 
 the solitude of my chamber pursued these 
 researches, which though so brief in the de- 
 tail, occupied me many days, nay, even 
 weeks of study. The mystery which at- 
 tended this new pursuit, invested it with 
 fresh charms for me ; in the chilled and dis- 
 appointed state of my affections, I seemed 
 to require some engrossing excitement to 
 occupy my thoughts, and divert them from 
 brooding over my own desolation and neg- 
 lect ; and while the ardor of this investi- 
 gation lasted, while something remained to 
 be discovered some error or superstition 
 to be exposed I threw into this inquiry all 
 the energy and attention of which my fa- 
 culties were capable. It was while these 
 feelings were at their utmost height, that 
 during another visit to Ancona I repaired 
 one afternoon to the "duomo" in the hopes 
 
214 RECANTATION. 
 
 of finding some moments of tranquility and 
 consolatory reflection within its walls. The 
 season was Advent, and a celebrated 
 preacher delivered a course of lectures 
 which all the most devout Roman Catholics 
 daily attended ; I had promised Padre 
 Placido to go and hear one of the sermons, 
 but I purposely repaired to the cathedral 
 earlier than the appointed hour, and before 
 the congregation assembled, that I might 
 wander alone through its gloomy aisles, and 
 unwatched, unseen, prostrate myself upon 
 the antique pavement, and pour out the full 
 bitterness of my soul before Him who alone 
 could view me there. 
 
 It is sublimely situated, that venerable 
 Church ! Alone on the mountain's crest, it 
 looks down upon the city, which rises along 
 the hill, yet comes not near enough to dis- 
 turb the solitude and retirement which 
 reign in this sacred spot! The only sound 
 that breaks the impressive silence is the 
 solemn pealing of the organ, mingled with 
 the voices of the priests, who chant 
 their tribute of praise to the Great Being 
 whose solemn rites are here celebrated in 
 
RECANTATION. 215 
 
 place of the pagan worship of former times. 
 But would to heaven that I could stop here 
 and say that only the mysterious God- 
 head, the Three in One, whom all Christians 
 unite in acknowledging were here adored ! 
 As I was kneeling in one of the retired 
 chapels which diverge on either side from 
 the aisles, my attention was attracted to an 
 engraved portrait of the Madonna affixed to 
 one of the columns, beneath which I read a 
 prayer, of which the following is a transla- 
 tion : 
 
 TO THE MOST HOLY MARY. 
 
 I adore thee, most holy Virgin, Queen 
 of the heavens, Lady and Patroness of the 
 universe ; as Daughter of the eternal Fa- 
 ther, Mother of His dearly beloved Son, and 
 most lovely Bride of the Holy Spirit. 
 
 Prostrate at the feet of Thy great Majes- 
 ty, with the utmost humility I implore Thee, 
 by that divine charity with which thou wast 
 endowed and taken up into heaven in order 
 to show me grace and mercy, to receive me 
 into the number of those happy and favored 
 servants whom thou bearest inscribed on 
 
216 RECANTATION. 
 
 thy Virginal bosom : deign, Mother ! and 
 my most merciful Lady, to receive this 
 miserable and corrupt heart ! Take mem- 
 ory, will, and all my other mental powers ; 
 take my senses external and internal ; ac- 
 cept eyes, ears, mouth, hands, and feet, &c. 
 &c. &c. 
 
 I had scarcely recovered from my be- 
 wilderment and horror on reading this pro- 
 fane address, when the entrance of numbers 
 of people into the cathedral reminded me 
 that I had promised to meet the Marchesa 
 Onoria at the entrance, in order to sit beside 
 her during the sermon. I was able, how- 
 ever, to pay but little attention to the preach- 
 er, as my mind was wandering back to the 
 extraordinay prayer, and I could not over- 
 come the impression it had produced. Once 
 I tried to recall my agitated thoughts, and 
 listen to the discourse, which, singularly 
 enough, was an eulogium upon the virtues 
 and pre-eminent goodness of the Madonna. 
 
 So far all was well. None can presume 
 to doubt that the Virgin must have been 
 superior to all other women in every moral 
 and intellectual quality, as she also was 
 
RECANTATION. 217 
 
 honored far above them all ; and although 
 the apostolic writings contain no allusion to 
 this subject, there is no reason to gainsay 
 what the Romanist may bring forward in 
 her praise. But when I heard the preacher, 
 growing more and more energetic in his 
 language and gesticulations, declare, "that 
 whosoever did not worship the Madonna 
 could not possibly be saved ! "* I shudder- 
 ed at the impiety of this doctrine, and tried 
 to forget alike where I was, and what I had 
 become ! 
 
 It seemed as if I was fated to have all 
 the superstitious absurdities of the Popish 
 Creed pressed rapidly upon my notice, in 
 order more completely to convince me of the 
 fearful wickedness I had committed in re- 
 linquishing the simple tenets and Gospel 
 truths of the Protestant Church of England. 
 
 One night I was disturbed in my sleep 
 by the joyous ringing of church-bells and 
 the firing of cannon, which were continued 
 at intervals till the morning ; it was in 
 commemoration of the arrival of the holy 
 
 * The exact words of the priest were, " Senz' adorar la 
 Madonna non si puo andare in alto." 
 
218 RECANTATION. 
 
 house of Loreto, which, according to Padre 
 Placido, was carried by angels from Naza- 
 reth to the Adriatic shores, on the 10th of 
 December, 1294 ! 
 
 He lent me a work on the subject,* giv- 
 ing a detailed narration of the miraculous 
 translation, which abounds in expressions 
 similar to this ; " From the propitious 
 moment in which the holy house of the 
 Virgin Mary established itself amongst us, 
 a rich source of the most stupendous prodi- 
 gies the most singular mercies was open- 
 ed to the human race. Here the blind re- 
 ceived sight, the crooked were made 
 straight, the sick healed, and the most ob- 
 stinate and impenitent converted from their 
 sins." 
 
 The same volume contains a list of the 
 indulgences conceded by various pontiffs in 
 favor of the devout pilgrims to the Santa 
 Casa; the last and most remarkable is a 
 proof that this superstition extends to the 
 present enlightened century fully as much 
 
 * Relazione Istorica della Santa Casa di Loreto, del 
 Sacerdota D. Vincenzo Murri. Edizione xvi. 
 
RECANTATION. 219 
 
 as to the dark ages. It is from Pius VII., 
 dated August 29, 1815, and accords to " all 
 those persons who, in addition to confession 
 and communion, should daily visit the holy 
 house, plenary indulgence, which- may also 
 be applied to the souls in purgatory." 
 
 Another of the subjects discussed with 
 my mother often reverted to my mind, 
 and caused me to sigh over the impetuosity 
 with which I had borne down all her argu- 
 ments, not suffering her scarcely to raise a 
 doubt in opposition to any of the bishop's 
 opinions. She had objected to the Mass 
 being celebrated in Latin, and I had replied 
 to her in the words of my instructor, " that 
 the language of the Liturgy had descended 
 as a precious legacy from the time when St. 
 Peter and St. Paul preached in Rome, and 
 it would be incongruous to perform it in a 
 modern tongue." 
 
 Now setting aside that most of the pray- 
 ers in the Liturgy were compiled by differ- 
 erent Fathers of the Church, two or three 
 centuries after the apostle's ministry, it 
 struck me as singularly inconsistent in the 
 Romanists, so entirely to disregard St. Paul's 
 
220 RECANTATION. 
 
 injunctions on the subject of preaching, 
 while they profess to pay such deference to 
 the language in which he had instructed 
 them. In my researches I found these 
 words, " So likewise ye, except ye utter 
 by the tongue words easy to be understood, 
 how shall it be known what is spoken ? 
 Even so ye, forasmuch as ye are zealous of 
 spiritual gifts, seek that ye may excel to the 
 edifying of the Church. Wherefore, let him 
 that speaketh in an unknown tongue pray 
 that he may interpret. Else when thou shalt 
 bless with the spirit, how shall he that occu- 
 pieth the room of the unlearned, say Amen at 
 thy giving of thanks, seeing he understandcth 
 not what thou sayest ? In the Church I had 
 rather speak five words with my understanding, 
 that by my voice I might teach others also, 
 than ten thousand words in an unknown 
 tongue."* 
 
 Alas ! for the poor, benighted, ignorant 
 people, who at church I used to see kneel- 
 ing around me, unable to read in any lan- 
 guage, so that the " translations of the Li- 
 
 * 1 Cor. xiv. 9. 12, 13. 16. 19. 
 
RECANTATION. 
 
 turgy," of which the bishop had told me, 
 could prove of no manner of benefit to 
 them ; they had no benevolent Apostle to 
 interest himself for their spiritual welfare ! 
 The Christian love which breathes through- 
 out the passage I have quoted, and which 
 finally leads the inspired writer to wish that 
 he might sooner say Jive words with his un- 
 derstanding, so that he might teach others 
 also, than ten thousand in an unknown 
 tongue, is surely deserving of all praise and 
 imitation. But the Church of Rome deems 
 otherwise ; she honors the name of this 
 great Apostle on earth she venerates him 
 as a saint in Heaven and yet persists in 
 violating his clear and explicit injunctions ! 
 During the celebration of Mass, two chap- 
 ters are read from the Gospels, which none 
 of the congregation, excepting, of course, 
 those well acquainted with Latin, can in 
 any'degree be benefitted by, as no transla- 
 tions of the Scriptures are published with 
 the Prayer Books conceded to the laity. 
 This regulation of the Church has probably 
 in view the greater exaltation of the clergy 
 over the lower orders of the people, who 
 
222 RECANTATION. 
 
 invest with additional respect that priest- 
 hood which ministers to them in an unknown 
 tongue, and can thereby " search out all 
 mysteries." It was also, doubtless, with a 
 view of more firmly consolidating its influ- 
 ence, and uniting its clergy as a distinct 
 body, without ties or interests in common 
 with the rest of mankind, that the Papal 
 See forbade marriage to all such as aspired 
 to the service of religion. Many Roman 
 Catholics do not attempt to justify this pro- 
 hibition, but acknowledge it as one of the 
 crying abuses of their Church,* and the 
 principal cause of the immorality of the 
 priesthood, which in southern Italy particu- 
 larly is so notorious, that the government 
 appear to consider all efforts to repress it as 
 superfluous. 
 
 Whatever ill effects this ordinance has 
 produced, as far as relates to individuals, it 
 is certain that, politically speaking, it 
 gives the Roman See a vast range of influ- 
 
 * This dogma did not spring up until the fourth century, 
 when Pope Siricius forbade marriage to his clergy ; but the 
 prohibition did not seem to be much regarded, nor was it fully 
 established until the end of the eleventh century, 
 
RECANTATION. 223 
 
 ence ; the priest's hopes and wishes, care 
 and ambition, are all centred in the Church, 
 with no domestic affections to shackle his 
 energies, or divert his attention to other ob- 
 jects. What, however, is most calculated 
 to detach the clergy completely from the 
 great body of the people, while it exalts 
 them far above all the ranks of the laity, is 
 their doctrine of TRANSUBSTANTIATION ; 
 and, indeed, to those who verily believe 
 that their ministers have the power of crea- 
 ting, whenever they choose, the bodily sub- 
 stance of the Deity, they must appear a 
 very exalted sect indeed ! 
 
 On this most awful, most important 
 question, of the REAL CORPOREAL PRE- 
 SENCE, I had not hitherto trusted myself to 
 inquire, endeavoring to lull my conscience 
 into security, and remain convinced with 
 Dr. H.'s explanations on the subject. The 
 restless spirit of dissatisfaction, however, 
 grew daily stronger within me, and I ex- 
 plored the Sacred Volume with greater 
 eagerness than ever not so much with the 
 hope of deriving any consolation from its 
 
224 RECANTATION. 
 
 soothing assurances, as with the anxious 
 desire of ascertaining whether I had, or not, 
 been completely mistaken and deceived. 
 The Dottrina Christiana thus defines this 
 doctrine, and teaches, that, " as soon as the 
 priest has ended the prayer of consecration, 
 the substance of the bread is changed into 
 the real Body of Jesus Christ, and the sub- 
 stance of the wine into his Blood." 
 
 Question. Beneath the appearance of the 
 bread is there nothing more than the body 
 of our Lord ? 
 
 Answer. Yes ; there is also the Blood, 
 SOUL, and DIVINITY. 
 
 Question. When Jesus Christ, in his true, 
 real, and corporeal presence, abides in the 
 Wafer and the Chalice, does he leave Hea- 
 ven ? 
 
 Answer. No ; but by Divine Power He 
 is found at the same time in Heaven and in 
 the Holy Sacrament. 
 
 Question. The body of Christ in the wa- 
 fer, is it large or small ? 
 
 Answer. As large as in Heaven. 
 
 Question. When the wafer is broken, is 
 the body of Jesus Christ broken also? 
 
RECANTATION. 225 
 
 Answer. No ; the body is not broken, but 
 only the appearance of the bread : his body 
 remains entire in every part of the wafer. 
 
 Question. Does he remain alive or dead ? 
 
 Answer. He remains alive and glorious; 
 immortal in body, in soul, and in divinity, 
 as he is in Heaven. 
 
 Question. Therefore, whosoever receives 
 even half of the consecrated particle, re- 
 ceives the entire Christ ? 
 
 Answer. Yes, without doubt, he receives 
 Him entirety. 
 
 Question. Must you adore the Body and 
 Blood of Jesus Christ? 
 
 Answer. Yes, certainly, because this 
 body and this blood are inseparably united 
 to the Divinity. 
 
 Question. Why do you believe that Je- 
 sus Christ is in reality present in this Sa- 
 crament? 
 
 Answer. Because he has told us so Him- 
 self, and the Holy Church teaches us so 
 also. 
 
 In the concluding directions to the de- 
 vout communicant, he is instructed to em- 
 ploy himself in acts of devotion for a quarter 
 11 
 
226 RECANTATION. 
 
 of an hour at least, after having received 
 the Sacrament, as " for about that space of 
 tinae Jesus Christ remains corporeally with- 
 in him, dispensing mercies, if he will but 
 profit by so favorable an opportunity." 
 
 This is the doctrine which the Romish 
 Church holds with respect to the Eucharist, 
 when considered as a Sacrament, and in 
 support whereof it quotes our Saviour's 
 words : " The bread that I will give is my 
 flesh, which I will give for the life of the 
 world;" and, " For my flesh is meat indeed, 
 and my blood is drink indeed." : 
 
 These verses, if taken literally, and 
 without reference to what precedes, and 
 especially to what follows, do certainly 
 appear to support the Romish tenets ; but 
 viewed as they were uttered by our Sa- 
 viour, in a spiritual sense, all difficulties 
 vanish. We cannot, however, be surprised 
 that these texts, in an isolated position, 
 should prove a stumbling-block to the 
 Church of Rome ; for even the disciples 
 were astonished, and said, " This is a hard 
 
 *John vi. 51. 55, 
 
RECANTATION. 227 
 
 saying; who can hear it?" to which our 
 Saviour replied, " It is the Spirit that quick- 
 eneth, the flesh profiteth nothing : the words 
 that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and 
 they are life." 
 
 Now, if the real material flesh were sig- 
 nified in the declaration, " For my flesh is 
 meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed," 
 our Lord would not immediately afterwards 
 have asserted, " The flesh profiteth no- 
 thing." Besides which, his very marked 
 expression, " Flesh indeed, and drink in- 
 deed," plainly demonstrates that these were 
 to be taken in a spiritual and heavenly, and 
 not in their usual carnal or earthly sense. 
 
 To the Jews, who strove among them- 
 selves, saying, " How can this man give us 
 his flesh to eat?" our Lord's language is 
 equally explicit. After having promised 
 eternal life and redemption at the last day, 
 to whosoever eateth his flesh and drinketh 
 his blood, He goes on to say, " He that eat- 
 eth me, even he shall live by me. This is 
 that bread which came down from Heaven : 
 not as your fathers did eat manna, and are 
 dead : he that eateth of this bread shall HVQ 
 
RECANTATION. 
 
 forever." * Thus plainly showing that His 
 body was not to be eaten as food not as 
 manna was eaten by the Israelites but to 
 be taken into the SOUL, in order that we 
 might become one with Jesus, and live for- 
 ever. 
 
 The Roman Catholics also bring for- 
 ward the words of our Saviour at the last 
 Supper, when He brake the bread, "Take, 
 eat, this is my body ;" and, in reference to 
 the cup, "This is my blood of the New Tes- 
 tament, which is shed for many for the re- 
 mission of sins ;"t but on looking to the very 
 next verse, what do we see ? "But I say 
 unto you, I will not drink henceforth of THIS 
 fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink 
 it new with you in my Father's kingdom." 
 
 Is it possible, that if our Saviour had 
 made the contents of that cup his very blood, 
 he would in the same moment have called 
 it this fruit of the vine? 
 
 The first time that I attended mass af- 
 ter these meditations, I was struck by ob- 
 serving, that after the conclusion of the ser- 
 
 * John vi. 57, 58. t Matt xxvi. 26. 28. 
 
RECANTATION. 229 
 
 vice the remnants of the Consecrated Ele- 
 ments were shut up in a cabinet upon the 
 altar, like fruit or pastry, secured by lock 
 and key ! and there left to the custody of a 
 servile sacristan, who, if careless or wick- 
 edly inclined, could leave what his Church 
 conceives to be his Redeemer's "body, soul, 
 and divinity," to feed rats and mice, or be- 
 come the prey of loathsome maggots ! If 
 the Lord could thus be degraded, what be- 
 comes of the Psalmist's prophetic declara- 
 tion, " Thou wilt not suffer thy Holy One to 
 see corruption" Yet the possibility of the 
 wafer's becoming corrupt is so obvious, 
 that it has been foreseen by the Romish 
 Church, and in their missal especially provi- 
 ded for! 
 
 I had hitherto reflected on the doctrine 
 of the Eucharist, when considered as a 
 Sacrament ; it remained for me now to view 
 it as a sacrifice, and celebrated, as I re- 
 peated to my mother, " as a propitiatory 
 service for the living and the dead, while 
 
 Christ CONTINUES ON OUU ALTAHS TO OFFKR 
 
 TO HIS ETERNAL FATHER, ON OUR BEHALF, 
 
230 RECANTATION. 
 
 the sufferings and death he once underwent 
 upon the cross." 
 
 This doctrine is more fully explained in 
 the Dottrina Cristiana, which asserts that the 
 sacrifice of the Mass differs from the sacri- 
 fice of the Cross in the manner, but not in 
 the substance, as on the cross Christ died in 
 reality, but in the mass only mystically, for 
 us. 
 
 Question. To whom is this sacrifice of- 
 fered up? 
 
 Answer. To God alone, as the most ac- 
 ceptable victim that can be offered to Him. 
 
 Question. If, then, this sacrifice be of- 
 fered to God alone, wherefore are so many 
 masses celebrated in honor of the Most 
 Holy Virgin and the Saints ? 
 
 Answer. To show our thankfulness to 
 God for the favors which He has granted 
 unto them, and to obtain BY THEIR INTER- 
 CESSION those graces of which we stand in 
 need. 
 
 Question. For whom is this sacrifice 
 offered up? 
 
 Answer. For all mankind, and especial- 
 
RECANTATION. 231 
 
 ly for the faithful who are living ; and for 
 the departed souls who are in purgatory, as 
 it serves to sustain them in their sufferings, and 
 to shorten their duration. 
 
 Question. Who is the Chief Priest who 
 offers up this sacrifice ? 
 
 Answer. The first and principal sacri- 
 ficer is Jesus Christ, WHO OFFERS HIMSELF 
 to the Eternal Father. 
 
 Such are the tenets of the Romish 
 Church upon this subject, which my dear 
 mother had feebly attempted to oppose by 
 quoting one text in contradiction to my ar- 
 guments "Christ was offered once to bear 
 the sins of many." 
 
 But now that I "daily searched the 
 Scriptures to see if those things were so," 
 I found passages so completely opposed to 
 this doctrine, as to prove that those who 
 still maintained it were laboring under a 
 grievous delusion, "that hearing they should 
 hear and not understand, and seeing they 
 should see and not perceive." Far from 
 supporting the statement that " Christ con- 
 tinues to offer himself on our behalf," the 
 Apostolic writings expressly represent our 
 
232 RECANTATION, 
 
 Saviour's offering as a thing past and fin- 
 ished ; and St. Paul particularly says, "He 
 NEEDETH NOT DAILY, as those high priests, 
 to offer up sacrifice, first for his own sins 
 and then for the people's ; for this He did 
 
 ONCE, WHEN HE OFFERED UP HlMSELF."* 
 
 And then, again, we have this most im- 
 pressive declaration u For Christ is not en- 
 tered into the holy places made with hands, 
 which are the figures of the true ; but into 
 Heaven itself, now to appear in the presence 
 of God for us ; NOR YET THAT HE SHOULD 
 OFFER HIMSELF OFTEN, as the high priest 
 entereth into the holy place every year with 
 blood of others j for then must HE OFTEN 
 have suffered since the foundation of the 
 world : but now ONCE in the end of the 
 world hath HE appeared to put away sin by 
 the sacrifice of Himself. And as it is ap- 
 pointed unto men once to die, and after this 
 the judgment, so Christ was ONCE OFFERED 
 to bear the sins of many ; and unto them 
 that look for Him shall He appear, the se- 
 cond time without sin unto salvation." f 
 
 * Heb. vii. 27. t Heb. ix. 2428. 
 
RECANTATION. 233 
 
 The next chapter furnishes a statement 
 if possible still more conclusive "By the 
 which will we are sanctified through the of- 
 fering of the body of Jesus Christ ONCE FOR 
 ALL. And every priest standeth daily min- 
 istering and offering oftentimes the same 
 sacrifices, which can never take away sins : 
 but this man, after He had offered ONE SAC- 
 RIFICE for sins, for ever sat down on the 
 right hand of God ; for by ONE OFFERING 
 He hath perfected for ever them that are 
 sanctified."* 
 
 What need had I of any further argu- 
 ments ? I abruptly closed the Sacred 
 Volume, and wildly tossing my arms in the 
 air, paced the room in agonized communion 
 with myself. 
 
 What need had I of any further proof? 
 The Word of God had borne its testimony 
 against the errors the superstitions the 
 innovations of the faith which I had call- 
 ed upon the Almighty to attest, that I be- 
 lieved and would stedfastly uphold ! 
 
 It was no extenuation of my guilt to urge 
 
 *Heb. x. 11,12 14. 
 11* 
 
234 RECANTATION. 
 
 that I was ignorant of the tenets to which I 
 had thus solemnly subscribed ; for my con- 
 science recalled how, for weeks before, my 
 sweet mother had wept and entreated me to 
 reflect and pause ere it was too late, how 
 I had neglected to ponder arid investigate 
 "the one thing needful ;" while I bindly ac- 
 quiesced in all the bishops's reasonings, 
 without a thought or concern of my own 
 upon the subject and yielding to the in- 
 fluence of love and the dictates of ambition, 
 had voluntarily gone up to the altar and 
 apostatized ! 
 
 Oh, it was a grievious fearful wicked- 
 ness ! Could years of penitence and sorrow 
 atone for it? In the disappointed affections 
 the blighted hopes of my young existence, 
 I seemed to view the justice of the avenging 
 God ; and believing myself already marked 
 out for punishment, I forgot to recognise in 
 my sorrows the chastening of a merciful as 
 well as an offended Lord, arid recklessly 
 abandoned myself to the conviction that I 
 had sinned beyond all hope or likelihood of 
 forgiveness ! 
 
 After the first impetuosity of this despair 
 
RECANTATION. 235 
 
 and self-reproach had subsided, I fell into a 
 state of deep sadness and abstraction, which 
 my family at first attributed to indisposition; 
 but finding all their efforts to arouse me un- 
 availing, they unanimously accused me of 
 caprice, and made no further attempts to 
 dispel my melancholy. The only meant 
 that could have restored me would have 
 been a return of Trionfi's former tenderness 
 and attention ; but although kind for I 
 could never tax him with a harsh word or 
 expression he was not sympathising ; be- 
 sides which, had he even penetrated the 
 reason of my altered demeanor and languid 
 spirits, he would not have been able to com- 
 prehend the bitterness of my feelings, being 
 indifferent, alas! to all allusion to, or thought 
 upon, religion. 
 
 The hopes also which I had once enter- 
 tained of working upon his principles, had 
 now completely forsaken me ; for instead 
 of acquiring greater influence over him, - 
 the hold I once possessed on his affections 
 had rapidly declined, although I could not 
 accuse myself of one instance in which I 
 had failed in my love towards him. He, 
 
236 RECANTATION. 
 
 perhaps, may have complained that the 
 bright and joyous Mary of a few months 
 previous, had drooped like a flower trans- 
 planted to a foreign soil ; but he should 
 also have remembered that his hand ought 
 to have raised its languid head, and trained 
 it tenderly to bear a different clime and 
 atmosphere. 
 
 One of the few sources of pleasure 
 which remained to me was receiving letters 
 from my mother ; for then I used to remem- 
 ber, that so long as I was blessed with her 
 all-enduring and devoted love, I was not 
 completely desolate. 
 
 And she wrote so sweetly too, -that 
 dear, dear mother! Such fond inquiries 
 such kind assurances not a murmur not 
 a complaint at her privation ; " she knew 
 that I was happy." Then she would tax 
 her memory to relate every little anecdote 
 of early friends or playmates that could in- 
 terest rne, and bring back home and its as- 
 sociations more vividly than ever to my 
 mind ; every friend was mentioned, even 
 acquaintances we had made abroad ; all 
 butowc,of whom I was most desirous to hear. 
 
RECANTATION. 237 
 
 and yet dared not trust myself to inquire 
 about. This was Harcourt, of whom I had 
 never received any tidings since the day 
 when we parted in Florence. Until I be- 
 came unhappy and disappointed, I had 
 scarcely bestowed a thought upon him ; but 
 now, remorse for my conduct, and the 
 heartless coquetry with which I had re- 
 quited his attachment, weighed heavily up- 
 on my conscience, and I was anxious to 
 ascertain that he was not so unhappy as he 
 had anticipated. Some involuntary im- 
 pulse, however, always restrained me when 
 I wished to write concerning him, and a 
 faint blush would always rise to my cheek, 
 if I ever attempted to trace his name upon 
 the paper. And yet I could divine no 
 cause for this reluctance, since my mother 
 did not even know of the scene which had 
 passed between us on the morning when 
 he left Florence ; for partly from shame 
 and sorrow at the result of my reckless 
 vanity and love of admiration, and partly 
 from a dread of her disappointment that I 
 had not given him a favorable hearing, I 
 was silent on the subject of his proposal 
 
238 RECANTATION. 
 
 and gave no clue as to the motives of his 
 abrupt departure. 
 
 At length, however, a letter arrived, in 
 which he was mentioned ; and with an 
 eagerness and anxiety which were surpris- 
 ing even to myself, I read and re-read the 
 few lines in which my mother alluded to 
 him. 
 
 "You will be grieved to hear," she wrote, 
 " that our dear young friend, Charles Har- 
 court, is very much altered since you last 
 saw him. He has been ill for several 
 months at H. in Germany, and in fact, at 
 one time was not expected to recover ; but, 
 happily, he is now much better, and has 
 lately returned to England. 
 
 " It was only by accident that we dis- 
 covered his being in London ; your father im- 
 mediately went to him, and insisted on his 
 promising to dine with us. He came with 
 evident reluctance ; but although I had in- 
 tended to tax him with his neglect, I felt 
 too sad, on witnessing the alteration in the 
 friend and companion of so many happy 
 hours last year, to express any thing except- 
 ing my heartfelt sympathy and regret. 
 
RECANTATION. 239 
 
 Voice, manner, all are changed : he is but 
 the shadow of his former self. Nothing 
 appeared to interest him, until he fixed his 
 eyes upon your portrait, you remember it, 
 clearest? it is my greatest consolation now ! 
 Well, it seemed to occupy poor Charles's 
 attention, and brought him back to our 
 Florence days, of which before he had not 
 cared to speak. From Florence I naturally 
 was led on to talk of you ; and, though he 
 said but little, he listened with interest to 
 all I told him. I was glad to have found 
 some subject to arouse him from his listless 
 melancholy, and showed him your books 
 and your drawings, just as you left them 
 when we quitted home ; for I keep them, 
 love, in the same order as when your sweet 
 hands arranged them for the last time. But 
 nothing fixed his attention so much as the 
 portrait. I caught his eyes constantly rivet- 
 ed upon it wifh a sort of dreamy abstracted 
 look, that presented a painful contrast to all 
 the energy and intellect we used to admire 
 in his glance. 
 
 "I think, on the whole, his visit did him 
 good ; and I am grieved that, for the pre- 
 
240 RECANTATION. 
 
 sent, he will not be able to repeat it, as he 
 is about to return to Oxford, previous to 
 being ordained. His calling to the ministry 
 seems now the only subject upon which he 
 retains any of his former enthusiasm." 
 
 Poor Harcourt! was all this my doing? 
 and I covered my face with my hands and 
 wept bitterly ; then, once more taking up 
 the letter, I read it again and again, me- 
 chanically repeating my mother's words 
 " the shadow of his former self! all his 
 enthusiasm forsaken him ! nothing inter- 
 ested him except my portrait ! " except my 
 portrait ! Then I am not yet forgotten ! 
 
 Strange inconsistency of human nature 
 those words appeared to haunt me ! I 
 used to think of them by day, and hear them 
 in my dreams at night. There was a sort 
 of wild consolation in the thought that he 
 should still remember me;. and I involun- 
 tarily compared Trionfi's coldness and neg- 
 lect of the original, with his unsuccessful 
 rival's mournful constancy to the portrait ! 
 
 In the wavering and distracted state of 
 my mind, without a friend in whom I might 
 confide, but compelled, on the contrary, to 
 
RECANTATION. 241 
 
 stifle the sorrow and remorse, which preyed, 
 like a smouldering fire, upon all the life- 
 springs of my existence, I found an inex- 
 pressible charm in solitude, and used to 
 delight in wandering amidst the beautiful 
 country which surrounds N. Even this 
 solace would have been denied me by the 
 jealous vigilance of my mother-in-law, who 
 pretended to suspect some sinister motive 
 in a custom so completely at variance with 
 the habits of Italian women, had not Trionfi, 
 when appealed to, laughingly yielded his 
 consent ; it was one of the peculiarities of 
 my English education, he said, and although 
 he did not share my taste, he saw no motive 
 to oppose it. Accordingly, attended by a 
 servant who was directed to follow me at a 
 distance, though always within call if re- 
 quired, I used to ramble far into the coun- 
 try, which notwithstanding its deficiency in 
 trees, is, in many parts, beautiful even to 
 sublimity, and possesses in its wild majesty 
 and expanse greater attractions than the 
 softest landscape of a more pastoral region. 
 Whenever we went to Ancona, one of 
 my favorite haunts ere long became a place 
 
242 RECANTATION. 
 
 unique in its picturesque and melancholy 
 seclusion; the Jews' burying-ground, which, 
 though but a few minutes' walk from that 
 city, is as tranquil and retired as if many 
 miles distant from any habitation. A narrow 
 lane suddenly opens upon an undulating 
 plain, the verge of which abruptly termi- 
 nates in a rugged precipice, towering at the 
 height of nearly three hundred feet above 
 the level of the sea. 
 
 Far as the eye can reach, up to the very 
 brow of the cliff, appear several thousand 
 columns of white marble inscribed with He- 
 brew characters, each pillar headed with 
 the awful Name before which the heathen 
 conqueror of the world knelt awe-struck and 
 adoring. A dismantled fortress on the ad- 
 joining height seems to frown ominously upon 
 all intruders. On the opposite side rises a 
 steep and rugged hill, on the crest of which, 
 within the walls of a garden belonging to a 
 convent of Capuchins, is a small nook, ap- 
 propriated as a burial-place of those few 
 Protestants who have died in this remote 
 corner of Italy, and who, though not ad- 
 mitted into the pale of the Church, sleep on 
 the verge of consecrated ground. 
 
RECANTATION. 243 
 
 But the children of Israel boast of no 
 such privilege ; their final resting-place is 
 unmarked by any boundar) r , undefended 
 by any barrier, but such as the natural wild- 
 ness of the spot, and superstitious fear have 
 created, to ward it against intruders. Alone 
 with nature and with God, the Hebrew 
 sleeps at length that profound and peaceful 
 slumber which the summons of man can 
 never more disturb. 
 
 Not a tree lends its foliage to overshadow 
 the broad expanse ; not a flower blossoms 
 amid the short and scanty herbage which 
 carpets the funereal plain ; the only sounds 
 that break the perfect stillness of the scene 
 are the murmurs of the waves as they beat 
 on the rocks beneath, and the hoarse scream- 
 ing of the bleak northern winds, which, 
 sweeping from the opposite Dalmatian coasts 
 expend their fury over the exposed cliffs, 
 and sink into a hollow moan as they eddy 
 over the field of death, like a vast dirge to 
 the spirits of the thousands who moulder in 
 its clay. 
 
 Yes, there at length they have found the 
 rest denied to them while living ! There 
 
244 RECANTATION. 
 
 sleep the greedy usurer, the calculating 
 merchant; the Rabbi, faithful to his sa- 
 cred trust ; the careful matron, and the 
 blooming maid ; old age and childhood, de- 
 crepitude and vigor, all alike are there ; 
 unsevered in death as in life, forming anoth- 
 er link in that mysterious chain which binds 
 us closer to prophecy and to truth ! Mys- 
 terious and inscrutable fulfilment of Divine 
 words, a people, yet not a nation dwell- 
 ers for generation after generation in a land 
 which they dared not recognize as a home, 
 and bound by no link of kindred or affec- 
 tion to the soil, or to the strangers amongst 
 w r hom they had sojourned ! 
 
 Alone, as my mother had foretold ; 
 alone, without that love to which I once had 
 looked to compensate rne for all that I re- 
 signed, I used to wander amongst the mon- 
 umental pillars, or gaze dreamily upon the 
 broad expanse of waters which lay beneath 
 me. Sometimes I followed the course of a 
 passing ship, and watched her till she 
 seemed but a speck on the pale blue sea ; 
 then fancying perhaps that she was bound 
 for the shores of England, I would weep 
 
RECANTATION. 245 
 
 \ 
 
 when she faded in the horizon at the 
 thoughts of my native land, which I was 
 never more destined to behold ! 
 
 ******* 
 
 And thus many months rolled on ; 
 months of solitude, and disappointed love, 
 and self-reproach, which formed a chain of 
 unutterable misery and wretchedness 
 around me. We had returned to Florence 
 after a protracted absence, and I was now 
 in possession of my apartments in the 
 Palazzo Trionfi ; to have called that state- 
 ly palace mine, or given it the endearing ap- 
 pellation of home, would have been mere 
 mockery ; for so long as the Marchesa 
 Onoria lived, I was but a stranger con- 
 sidered almost an intruder within its 
 walls ! 
 
 To an untravelled English reader, the 
 petty annoyances and contradictions to 
 which I was constantly exposed would ap- 
 pear too absurd and incredible for belief; 
 but a dweller in Italy can bear ample testi- 
 mony to the domestic tyranny which moth- 
 ers-in-law so commonly exercise. It is 
 true that I had my own apartments, a car- 
 
246 RECANTATION. 
 
 riage and servants at my exclusive dispo- 
 sal ; but whenever we were thrown in con- 
 tact from the formal dinner in the cold 
 comfortless sala, which even in the depth 
 of winter remained without a carpet, to the 
 evening meeting in the Opera-box, of which 
 half only, as stipulated in my marrage con- 
 tract, was reserved to me-^-all was a con- 
 tinuation of thwartings, lecturings, and re- 
 proofs, aided too by an unrelenting system 
 of espionage from the priest, which 
 crushed and broken-spirited as I was 
 seemed to weigh me down to the very earth. 
 I was unhappy I sought no longer to con- 
 ceal it from myself; and yet I was in Flor- 
 ence bright, joyous, fascinating Florence 
 and in the position I had so often coveted ! 
 Wherever I appeared, still flattered, courted, 
 and admired nay, envied perhaps by 
 many a young heart; and yet, often on re- 
 turning from some brilliant/ete, I have torn 
 the jewels from my aching brow, and wept 
 at the hollowness of those pleasures which 
 I had sacrificed so much to obtain ! 
 
 I found no companionship, or even 
 amusement, in the society amongst which I 
 
RECANTATION. 247 
 
 was thrown, while my husband oh ! worst 
 and hardest trial ! had grown so indiffer- 
 ent, so careless, that he did not seem to no- 
 tice my unhappiness. To a heart consti- 
 tuted like mine, there was something more 
 chilling and dispiriting in this apathy than 
 the harshest treatment, the most unfounded 
 jealousy, would have appeared. I could 
 have hoped to soothe the one, to dispel the 
 other ; and I would have welcomed either, 
 as a proof that he still retained such an in- 
 terest in me as sufficed to arouse his pas- 
 sion, or his self-love on my behalf. But 
 where all was smooth, and calm, and un- 
 concerned ; where an utter recklessness, 
 either as to my happiness or honor, was 
 displayed ; so long as he was left to pur- 
 sue his own amusements undisturbed, 
 when I knew that having ceased to please 
 him, he cared not to whom or how I might 
 render myself agreeable ; O heavens ! 
 when I felt all this, the injured dignity, the 
 despised affections of a woman seemed to 
 war and struggle within me, and clamor for 
 revenge ! Weak, erring creature that I 
 
248 RECANTATION. 
 
 was, it was perhaps only a visionary, hope- 
 less passion, cradled in solitude and re- 
 morse, which preserved me from yielding 
 to the example of those around me, and 
 seeking in unhallowed ties to forget the de- 
 secrated hearth and broken vow. The love 
 thus mused and thought upon, until it 
 seemed a part of my very existence, and 
 sinful as I knew it to be, though I had not 
 courage to banish it at once from my mind, 
 now saved me in all probability from rush- 
 ing into deeper crime, and sinking lower 
 than I had yet fallen. And thus it proved 
 that Harcourt the friend of my early 
 youth the neglected and despised had 
 unconsciously become my shield and safe- 
 guard from the temptations which beset me, 
 and the idol of my heart's inmost shrine ! 
 ******* 
 
 Towards the close of the second year 
 of my wedded life, my spirits revived at 
 the prospect of a meeting with my parents. 
 My mother's letters had for a long time 
 vaguely hinted at the probability of their 
 re- visiting Italy, but now she dwelt more 
 
RECANTATION. 249 
 
 definitively upon it, and wrote with pas- 
 sionate fondness of the delight that was in 
 store for her. 
 
 " Ere April is expired we shall be with 
 you, and then we will celebrate together 
 the anniversary of our Mary's bridal-day, 
 and all will be joy and peace in this blessed 
 re-union ; and then I will crave your par- 
 don, dearest, for my selfish grief on that 
 occasion, if it has ever clouded your happi- 
 ness, to recall it. And though I own, my 
 loved one I may own it now, since we are 
 so soon to meet that it has been a bitter 
 and almost unavailing struggle to reconcile 
 myself to your loss ; yet when I shall gaze 
 upon your bright and glorious face once 
 more, and hear your sweet lips confirm the 
 assurance of your happiness, all my past 
 sorrows will be forgotten !" 
 
 Mother, mother ! I murmured, almost 
 convulsively, shall I be able to meet your eye, 
 and continue to dissemble ? and I sank 
 upon my knees, arid wept bitterly. O 
 heaven! was it ever again to be my blessed 
 privilege to be clasped to a mother's heart, 
 to weep upon her bosom ? 
 12 
 
250 RECANTATION. 
 
 Was I the perjured, the disappointed, 
 the forsaken once more to feel a mother's 
 kiss upon my cheek ; and again to listen to 
 that silvery voice which, denied to me in 
 my waking hours, had often spoken in my 
 dreams, and brought back such vivid me- 
 mories of days of innocence and bliss of 
 childhood's fairy existence, and girlhood's 
 brighter hopes that the dreary reality 
 seemed yet more difficult to bear ? Oh 
 yes, I was again to see her ! I was not alone 
 then in the world. Mother ! mother ! mo- 
 ther ! and in my ecstasy I wildly repeated 
 the loved name in my native tongue, now 
 so rarely spoken, and thought it had nev- 
 er sounded so sweet before ! 
 
 She should know all; there would hence- 
 forth be no secrets between us ; grief, 
 soothed by a mother's tenderness, loses half 
 its anguish ; and I should be strengthened 
 by her counsels, and comforted by her 
 love ! Yes, she should know all, and read 
 my heart's inmost depths, except except 
 .... Ah, no ! she was too pure for that 
 we would not speak of him .... and my 
 cheek crimsoned as I shrank from further 
 communion with myself. 
 
RECANTATION. 251 
 
 With restless activity I now occupied 
 the interval that must elapse before my 
 parent's arrival, in superintending every ar- 
 rangement which might tend to their plea- 
 sure or accommodation. At their own re- 
 quest, I had engaged for them the house we 
 occupied during our first winter in Florence ; 
 I would willingly have avoided returning 
 to a scene that recalled so much of my 
 eventful history, but their wishes on the 
 subject precluded any evasion. 
 
 On first entering the room, which in the 
 space of one short hour had witnessed my 
 rejection of Harcourt and acceptance of 
 Trionfi, I started, as a tide of overwhelm- 
 ing recollections crowded upon me, and 
 clear, distinct, as if all had taken place but 
 yesterday not the plighted troth to my 
 favored suitor, but that final interview 
 with Charles rose to my mind ; the very 
 words in which he spoke seemed impress- 
 ed in characters of fire upon my brain ; his 
 low, thrilling tone, when, venturing for the 
 first time to address me by my name, he 
 called me "Mary, dear Mary ;" his look 
 of anguish in bidding me farewell all, and 
 
252 RECANTATION. 
 
 much more besides, were involuntarily re- 
 called, as the agonizing consciousness of 
 happiness then placed within my grasp, 
 and slightingly rejected, almost overpower- 
 ed me. 
 
 I rushed wildly from the room, and 
 found myself in the apartment I used to 
 occupy, and threw myself beside the bed 
 near which my mother knelt the last time 
 she watched my slumbers. Noblest and 
 best of the Creator's works ! even in that 
 chaos of conflicting passions, the remem- 
 brance of thee thy holy and tender love- 
 the influence of thy prayers, soothed the 
 fierce turmoil that raged within me, and I 
 rose from my knees more calm and resign- 
 ed than I had felt for months. 
 
 The day of my parents quitting London 
 was now fixed, and I planned to go and 
 meet them at Leghorn, where they were to 
 disembark from Marseilles. So great had 
 become my excitement, that I was frequent- 
 ly on the point of setting off, fancying that 
 with fond deception they might have started 
 earlier than they told me, in order to sur- 
 prise me by their unexpected arrival. 
 
 
RECANTATION. 253 
 
 On the very day that I looked for the 
 announcement of their departure, a letter 
 arrived from my father. Have patience ! 
 they must delay for a few days ; my mo- 
 ther was not well, the excitement of pre- 
 paration had been too much for her weak 
 frame, (weak ! they had never told me 
 she was weak!) and she was confined to 
 her bed with fever. But she was already 
 better, decidedly better Oh, yes ! she was 
 much better ! She even added a few lines 
 herself, but they were written in a tremb- 
 ling hand, and hastily broken off, as if she 
 were incapable even of the exertion of hold- 
 ing a pen ! I was stunned and overwhelm- 
 ed by this intelligence ; all spirit, all energy, 
 seemed lost all power of thought to have 
 forsaken me, save that of restlessly count- 
 ing the hours until the next post should ar- 
 rive. It brought no letters ! I was frantic 
 with despair. Another and another day 
 must intervene before intelligence from 
 England could be received, how I passed 
 the interval I scarcely know. My husband 
 did not sympathise with my fears ; he said 
 all would be well, that I was foolish to 
 
254 RECANTATION. 
 
 be alarmed but my prophetic soul told 
 me otherwise. On the morning that the 
 English courier was expected, I determined 
 to go myself to the post-office, in order to 
 ascertain sooner if there were any letters-; 
 I asked Trionfi to accompany me for I 
 needed some support but he muttered an 
 excuse about important business to be trans- 
 acted at an early hour, which required his 
 immediate attention, and left the house even 
 before I started. 
 
 We lived at some distance from the 
 post-office, and our way led through many 
 narrow but crowded streets, and in one of 
 these the progress of the carrage was sud- 
 denly stopped, and the coachman compelled 
 to draw up on one side. In my over- 
 wrought and irritated frame of mind, I 
 could brook of no delay, and hastily looked 
 out of the window to discover its cause ; 
 some carrages were turning out of the court- 
 yard of a large palace, and the straitened 
 limits of the street compelled us to make 
 way for them as they passed. I easily con- 
 jectured that their occupants were about 
 setting out to the country, on one of those 
 
RECANTATION. 255 
 
 parties of pleasure which the Italians are 
 so fond of in the spring ; the faces of most 
 were well known to me, but I shrank back 
 and screened myself from their observation. 
 As the last carriage however emerged from 
 the ancient gateway, I could not resist an 
 involuntary impulse again to stoop forward, 
 and in so doing I caught the glance of a 
 gentleman seated in it beside a lady, beau- 
 tiful and young but notorious even in the 
 dissolute society of Florence. I did not 
 gaze on her, however, for my eyes riveted 
 themselves upon her companion, who, to- 
 tally unconcerned, bowed with perfect 
 grace and self-possession, and then kissed 
 his hand gaily to me as he drove out of 
 sight. It was Trionfi ! This, then, was 
 the all-important business which sent me 
 solitary and unprotected to learn the worst 
 my fancy had conjured up ! I clenched 
 my hands convulsively, and then pressed 
 them tightly upon my heart, while my lips 
 quivered with rage and mortification. O 
 Life ! in thy cup of sorrows, what hast thou 
 more bitter than the workings of jealousy 
 in an injured woman's breast ? I shrouded 
 
256 RECANTATION. 
 
 my face in my veil, and drew up the blinds 
 of the carriage to shut out from my view 
 the world which now seemed doubly hate- 
 ful ! I was scarcely conscious where I was 
 until we stopped at the post-office, when I 
 hastily sprung out and flew to the grating 
 a letter was placed in my hand, but ad- 
 dressed to my husband. Oh, where was 
 he who ought to have been at that trying 
 moment by my side? I tore it open I 
 could not breathe, my sight was failing me, 
 yet I retained sufficient sense to compre- 
 hend its fatal purport. Oh, God of Mer- 
 cies ! She was DEAD ! and the last sound 
 that reached my ears was my own wild, 
 prolonged, and harrowing shriek ere I 
 sank back senseless on the pavement. 
 
 Where did I leave off? ... It is a weary 
 task this self-imposed record of error and 
 despair more weary still now that the 
 feeble hand is added to the aching heart, 
 for the youth and vigor which withstood so 
 much have at length given away, and the 
 
RECANTATION. 257 
 
 shadows of the tomb are darkening around 
 
 me 
 
 Since the time when I arose a living 
 spectre from the bed of fever and delirium 
 to which the intensity of my anguish had 
 reduced me, every hope or soothing thought 
 seemed buried in her grave ! Even the 
 fond affection still retained for me by my 
 surviving parent appeared only destined to 
 produce fresh cause for grief, as it was not 
 in my power to give him one proof of my 
 filial love, or contribute to the solace of his 
 declining years ! After some months had 
 passed, my dear father wrote to say, that 
 broken-spirited as he felt in his bereavement, 
 his only prospect of consolation lay in the 
 idea of coming to live in Italy, and near me. 
 He had therefore decided on resigning all 
 his affairs into the hands of his youngest 
 son, (Henry, the eldest, Harcourt's early 
 friend, had entered the Church, and was 
 full of energy in his sacred calling,) and 
 taking up his future residence in Florence. 
 He thus would be able to devote himself 
 entirely to me, to see me every day, almost 
 as constantly as if he were living under my 
 12* 
 
258 RECANTATION. 
 
 roof, and then he thought he might once 
 more be happy ! 
 
 I easily perceived his wish when he 
 penned this letter to be invited to take up 
 his residence with me ; and what more 
 natural for a widowed father to desire, or 
 for his only daughter to have granted ? But 
 I dared not even hint such a proposal to my 
 mother-in-law, who would instantly have 
 condemned it as unheard-of and prepos- 
 terous ; and my own position was so de- 
 graded and insignificant, that it was useless 
 to attempt any resistance to her imperious 
 commands. I had never experienced the 
 humiliating dependence to which I was re- 
 duced so keenly as at that moment, and in 
 the fall bitterness of these feelings I sat 
 down and wrote to my father. I poured 
 out the whole anguish of my soul into that 
 letter ; I told him that I was miserable, ir- 
 remediably and hopelessly miserable that 
 if he truly loved me he would not add to 
 my desperation by coming to witness the 
 extent of my unhappiness and woe that 
 every instant of my life was an expiation 
 for the recklessness and folly which had 
 
RECANTATION. 259 
 
 hurried me on to my own destruction and 
 to forget me if he could, for I was no longer 
 the Mary of his pride and affection, but a 
 poor broken-hearted wretch, who had nought 
 to live for in this world, and yet shrank in 
 terror from the next ! 
 
 My poor father never replied to this 
 frantic avowal; what could he say? what 
 consolation offer to grief which knew not 
 consolation's name ? After a long interval, 
 however, I heard from my brother Henry 
 that he had entirely changed his plans, had 
 abandoned his idea of going abroad, and 
 was about to settle near his living in Devon- 
 shire ; a postscript was added in my fath- 
 er's hand-writing expressive of his unaltered 
 love and solicitude towards myself, and of 
 the pleasure which I should derive in hear- 
 ing that his old age would be passed in the 
 vicinity of so devout and exemplary a son 
 as Henry had proved himself. No other 
 allusion, however obscure, was made to the 
 subject of my letter, excepting an indirect 
 intimation that its contents would never be 
 divulged. 
 
 And thus ended all his fond dreams of 
 
260 RECANTATION. 
 
 pride and exultation in his admired and 
 beautiful child ! What bitter tears he must 
 Imve shed in secret over the downfall of all 
 his hopes the fatal result of ill-directed 
 ambition ! what struggles must he have en- 
 dured ere his soaring and restless spirit 
 could resign itself to the monotonous obscur- 
 ity of a country parsonage ! But I was 
 thankful for this change, and thankful, too, 
 that it would be my brother's privilege to 
 lead his parent to calmer and holier subjects 
 than those wordly interests and pursuits to 
 which he had hitherto been devoted. None 
 could be better qualified for this task than 
 Henry, who possessed energy and devotion 
 beyond his years ; and though at one time 
 I accused him of harshness and intolerance 
 when he expressed bis deep resentment at 
 the renunciation of my faith, I now looked 
 up to him with admiration and respect 
 and counted it as an additional drop in my 
 cup of bitterness, that by my voluntary 
 apostasy I had for ever lost the esteem of 
 so excellent a brother ! 
 
 And thus time wore on ; it is only in 
 novels that heroines sink beneath the first 
 
RECANTATION. 261 
 
 influence of grief and despair ; the heart 
 does break at last, but by slow, very slow 
 degrees, and life still retains its hold long 
 after hope, and peace, and every accom- 
 paniment of youth and happiness, have for 
 ever disappeared ! 
 
 I had entirely renounced society since 
 my mother's death, and though nearly twice 
 twelve months had passed since my terrible 
 bereavement, I had never deviated from the 
 strict seclusion to which I then devoted my- 
 self. I had imperceptibly become weak, 
 and so fatigued by any exertion, that the 
 greatest effort of which I was capable was 
 to take occasional drives in the beautiful 
 country which surrounds Florence on every 
 side. I went generally alone, unless I took 
 my faithful Annina with me, for Trionfi had 
 always his own pursuits and engagements, 
 and now that I lived so retired we met even 
 more seldom than before. Sometimes whole 
 days would pass without my seeing him, 
 even for a moment ; with my mother-in-law 
 I had almost as little intercourse, for now 
 that my failing strength pleaded my excuse 
 for absenting myself from her board, I was 
 
262 RECANTATION. 
 
 permitted to enjoy the privacy of my apart- 
 ments undisturbed by her presence ; ex- 
 cepting by a casual visit of inquiry after 
 my health, and a whispered consultation 
 with the family physician, whom she always 
 brought with her on such occasions. 
 
 The priest, too, had latterly been sum- 
 moned on business of importance back to 
 Romagna, and I felt inexpressibly relieved 
 by his absence, for I had found him so re- 
 lentless in his bigotry and so suspicious of 
 my principles, that it had been an unceasing 
 effort to conceal my abhorrence of his tenets, 
 and disaffection from his Church. In the 
 enfeebled state of mind and body to which 
 I was now reduced, I no longer felt equal 
 to carry on this system of dissimulation, yet 
 I trembled at the results to which the dis- 
 covery of my real sentiments would lead ; 
 so weak, so unfriended, so alone, I naturally 
 had no courage to face a disclosure from 
 which I shrank while still in the enjoyment 
 of health and intellectual vigor. It was 
 therefore with deep gratitude that I witness- 
 ed the departure of Padre Placido, and saw 
 that the family were not disposed to inter- 
 
RECANTATION. 263 
 
 fere with the only recreation I could enjoy, or 
 forbid me from driving into the country, in the 
 tranquillity and retirement of which I found 
 the greatest charm of my fading existence. 
 One day in passing through the Porta 
 
 R the carriage was obliged to stop, as 
 
 its progress was impeded by a number of 
 carts which were undergoing some investi- 
 gation at the gates, and my attention was 
 drawn to a party on foot who appeared 
 just on their return from a ramble in the 
 country, and were detained by the same 
 circumstances as myself. The face of one 
 of the group, a lady, immediately riveted 
 my gaze from its rare and exceeding loveli- 
 ness. She was very young, apparently 
 scarcely more than nineteen, although from 
 the attitude of confiding fondness with 
 which she leant upon the arm of a gentle- 
 man, whose face was averted from me, 
 and the pretty impatience she testified once 
 more to attract his attention, I immediately 
 conjectured her to be already married, and 
 that the stranger was her husband./ The 
 wild spring flowers she held in her hand 
 were not more fresh or blooming in their ao- 
 
264 RECANTATION. 
 
 pearance than herself; the violet did not 
 equal the deep blue of her large soft eyes, 
 shaded by long dark lashes, which when she 
 looked down cast a shade upon her delicate 
 cheek, where an exquisite roseate tinge 
 came blushing, as it were, through the trans- 
 parent fairness of her skin. Every feature 
 was in unison, faultless alike in contour and 
 expression ; but perhaps the most beautiful of 
 all was her broad, statue-like brow, on 
 which truth, innocence, and purity seemed 
 impressed by nature's hand. 
 
 I gazed on her with an intenseness which 
 she at length seemed to notice, though ap- 
 parently as modest in her demeanor and 
 unconscious of admiration, as her loveliness 
 was remarkable. She looked down for a 
 moment in some embarrassment, and then 
 drew her arm closer through that of her 
 companion, as if to remind him of her pre- 
 sence, and urge him to proceed. He stop- 
 ped short in the conversation in which he 
 was engaged, and turned to acknowledge 
 this mute appeal with a proud and admiring 
 smile ; and at that moment in the noble 
 form, the intellectual countenance I recog- 
 
RECANTATION. 265 
 
 nized Charles Harcourt ? Changed, indeed, 
 since I last had seen him changed, but 
 still the same ! Past suffering and sorrow 
 had plainly left their traces there, but they 
 appeared to have given him greater dignity 
 of expression than before. Like the sapling 
 which rocked by the wind is prevented from 
 too hasty a growth, and compelled to take 
 deeper root ; so he, tossed by the storms 
 and disappointments of his youth, now 
 seemed in riper manhood, to have acquired 
 a more commanding deportment, and great- 
 er stability of character. It was Harcourt ? 
 I knew him instantaneously, but he no 
 longer remembered me ; he looked up for 
 a second, but I saw no recognition in his 
 glance, and I never felt till then how fear- 
 fully I must be altered ! I could not speak 
 or move, and it was only by a violent effort 
 that I prevented myself from fainting, 
 when suddenly the horses became restive, 
 and backed against the wall near which the 
 party were stationed. The wheels almost 
 brushed against the lovely stranger, and a 
 cry of terror broke from my lips in appre- 
 hension of her danger. The attention of the 
 
266 RECANTATION. 
 
 whole group was again attracted to me ; 
 and as soon as tranquility was restored, 
 both she and her companion advanced to 
 thank me for this sympathy. The agitation 
 of the moment had brought back a faint 
 color to my cheek and a sparkle to my lan- 
 guid eye ; and this time he gazed in aston- 
 ishment as the light of recognition dawned 
 upon him. I saw that he still remembered 
 me I saw wonder, pity, and surprise, all 
 blended together in that stedfast look, but 
 no resentment ; his name sprang from my 
 lips, I held out my wasted hand, and once 
 more felt it clasped in that of Harcourt ! 
 
 Oh, moment of wild and conflicting 
 sensations ! The dreams and thoughts of 
 bygone years so unexpectedly fulfilled ! 
 Harcourt's voice once more sounding in my 
 ears once more beholding him, more no- 
 ble even than my fancy had pourtrayed ; 
 but not alone ! He hastily turned towards 
 the lovely being at his side, and saying 
 "Mary, my love, this is the Miss Howard 
 of whom you have so often heard me 
 speak" presented her to me as his wife ! 
 A flush which passed over her brow, and 
 
RECANTATION. 267 
 
 a timid glance of surprise directed towards 
 her husband, at once told me she knew all, 
 and that the secrets of his early love and 
 disappointment had been confided to her 
 by him. 
 
 There was no reserve between them 
 then ! He had found another and a better 
 Mary to replace the one who had so wan- 
 tonly trifled with his happiness. Mary! 
 how strange that should be her name ! and 
 on her the love, the care, the tenderness, 
 which he once offered me, were, doubt- 
 lessly, now bestowed The ship- 
 wreck then had not been total he again 
 
 was happy he only pitied and felt 
 
 for me as angels look down on erring mor- 
 tals .... and ought I not to rejoice at 
 this ? Oh, yes, and I did rejoice ! though 
 sinful Nature claimed her tribute first ; and 
 a flood of bitter tears, the first I had shed 
 for many a weary day, flowed from my 
 eyes when I regained the solitude of my 
 chamber, and thought over all the. occur- 
 rences of the morning. But I prayed to 
 be forgiven ; and asked for strength to over- 
 come every lingering vestige of a feeling 
 
268 RECANTATION. 
 
 which I had thought buried with all other 
 earthly ties and recollections in my loved 
 mother's grave ; and from that day, the 
 Harcourts and I were friends. 
 
 They soon discovered that the only con- 
 solation my dreary life possessed was in 
 their society ; and they protracted their stay 
 in Florence from a few days, as at first in- 
 tended, to weeks that lengthened into 
 months, when they saw the anguish which 
 every mention of their departure awakened 
 in me. Meanwhile they watched my fail- 
 ing health with the deepest solicitude, and 
 all that friendship or sympathy could offer 
 to solace my loneliness and desertion, was 
 exerted in my behalf; both seemed as uni- 
 ted in their pity and benevolence towards 
 me, as in every other sentiment or action 
 of their lives. It was with a sort of mourn- 
 ful pleasure, that I witnessed in them the 
 fulfilment of that perfect love and union 
 which is the sweetest attribute of wedded 
 life ; the young wife looked up to her hus- 
 band with fond pride and deference, as if 
 exulting to be permitted to share his con- 
 fidence and enter into his thoughts ; and he 
 
RECANTATION. 269 
 
 viewed in this confiding and gentle creature, 
 the best and dearest helpmate that ever 
 was vouchsafed to man ! 
 
 They had been married about two years, 
 and were come abroad for a short interval 
 of relaxation to Harcourt's health, which 
 had become impaired from the assiduous 
 discharge of his pastoral duties ; but their 
 absence could not be prolonged much far- 
 ther, and they both looked forward with joy 
 to returning to their country home, and the 
 simple pursuits and enjoyments which it 
 afforded them. They were blessed, too, 
 with a lovely babe an infant that looked: 
 as if a seraph had smiled upon him in his 
 cradle, and left its divine love and beauty 
 reflected in his face : and when I gazed on 
 that sweet child, I doubly felt the bitter 
 chastisement of Heaven under which I 
 had so often sorrowed that denied to me 
 the happiness and privilege of being a 
 mother. Had our union been blessed with 
 children, Trionfi might never have become 
 so indifferent and neglectful, for we should 
 have been bound by a stronger link, and 
 possessed an object on which equally to 
 
270 RECANTATION. 
 
 centre our interest and affection : I should 
 also have been treated less unkindly by my 
 suocera, who, disappointed in her hopes of 
 a succession to her family honors, scarce 
 affected to conceal her mortification : and 
 I myself should no longer have felt alone in 
 the world I should have had some one to 
 live for, some one to love ! But Providence 
 had willed it otherwise, I was childless ! 
 I had never known the exquisite happiness 
 of feeling my infant'sy?rs and thrilling kiss 
 upon my lips I had never seen an infant 
 smile at my approach, and hold out its little 
 arms, and strive to call me mother ! I had 
 struggled to submit in meekness to this dis- 
 pensation, but the sight of that lovely babe 
 often awoke the bitterest anguish, and made 
 me more than ever sensible of my loneli- 
 ness and privation. 
 
 The Harcourts perceived this emotion, 
 and probably suspecting its cause, tried to 
 divert my attention from their child, by 
 proposing excursions to different places 
 of interest in the environs. We often went 
 accordingly, but whenever we passed any 
 places which I had visited in the first au- 
 
RECANTATION. 271 
 
 tumn of our sojourn in Florence, the depres- 
 sion of my spirits always redoubled. 
 Harcourt seemed to notice this also, and 
 endeavored to select places less vividly 
 associated in my recollection. Once, how- 
 ever, his wife expressed a wish to visit 
 Bello Sguardo, and I so earnestly seconded 
 her request, that he, though unwilling at 
 first, now granted his consent, and the car- 
 riage was turned in that direction. It was 
 a beautiful day in early spring, and the 
 genial warmth appeared to revive my de- 
 clining strength, as supported by his pro- 
 tecting arm, and encouraged by his sympa- 
 thizing voice, I slowly ascended the stairs 
 which led up to the terrace, which com- 
 mands such a widely extended prospect. 
 Mary Harcourt was enraptured, and even I, 
 wasted and enfeebled as I was, felt a tem- 
 porary return of spirits and animation as I 
 contemplated that glorious scene. 
 . At this moment another party of English 
 appeared upon the platform ; one of their 
 number, a beautiful girl, flew about in ec- 
 stasy, while her golden ringlets sparkled in 
 the sun-beams, and she exclaimed, " Oh, 
 
272 RECANTATION. 
 
 papa, papa! what a heavenly day, and 
 what a heavenly country ! How I wish I 
 could live here all my life! " 
 
 Like a lightning stroke the memory of 
 the words I had spoken on that very spot, 
 flashed back upon my mind ! Scarce four 
 years and a half had passed since I, in the 
 bloom of youth and beauty, had uttered a 
 similar aspiration, and what was I now ? 
 A poor, woe-worn creature, who clung for 
 pity and support to the very being whose 
 hopes and happiness then seemed depend- 
 ant upon me ! I grew faint and oppressed, 
 w.hich was instantly remarked by my kind 
 companions ; they led me gently and care- 
 fully down the stairs, and placed me in the 
 Carriage, where I sank back and closed my 
 eyes, as if exhausted by the exertion and 
 anxious for repose. Apparently they both 
 thought I had fallen into a slumber, for nei- 
 ther spoke for several minutes after we had 
 started, till at length Harcourt broke the 
 silence, and said in a low voice, " Mary ! 
 did you hear what that young girl said just 
 now upon the terrace ? " 
 
 "Yes, the lovely creature, you mean, 
 
RECANTATION. 273 
 
 who exclaimed, that she would like to live 
 all her life long in Italy . . . ." 
 
 " The same, Mary f I heard that wish 
 expressed on the self-same spot by one as 
 young and far more lovely yes, she was 
 most beautiful, most gifted, and .... most 
 loved ! The fatal boon was granted, and 
 there .... witness its result! " 
 
 And now the day approached when they 
 must depart ; hour by hour the inevitable 
 time drew on when I felt that I should be 
 again alone ! On the last Saturday they 
 were to be in Florence, the gentle Mary 
 came late in the afternoon to tell me that her 
 husband was to preach the next day at the 
 British chapel, and tried gently to induce 
 me for once to brave the exertion, and 
 promise to accompany her to hear him. 
 She had never before spoken to me on any 
 subject connected with the Protestant 
 Church, from which I had hoped that they 
 were acquainted with the history of my 
 abjuration, and purposely abstained from 
 all allusion to different creeds or forms of 
 worship ; but, alas ! my family in England 
 had all been silent on this degrading con- 
 13 
 
274 RECANTATION. 
 
 version, and the shame and anguish of the 
 disclosure were now to devolve on me ! 
 
 I was silent while she gently urged the 
 point, saying she had never before ventured 
 on so solemn a subject ; but now she was 
 impelled, by her friendship and her love, 
 to express all she felt, and had often longed 
 to say. And her sweet face grew lovelier 
 still, and her speaking eyes more expressive, 
 as she dwelt upon the all-consoling influence 
 of religion. " You mourn," she continued, 
 " because we are so soon to part ; but oh ! 
 believe me, there is a fountain of mercy 
 and consolation open to us all ; there are 
 promises on which we can rely, that teach 
 us where to look for higher and holier 
 things than this \vorld can afford, and words 
 of blessed import to the sorrowful and the 
 desolate. Dear friend, forgive me if I thus 
 intrude; but those you are amongst profess 
 a far different creed, and you have none to 
 sympathize with you but ourselves. Oh, 
 come, then, and bear the words which my 
 husband will speak to-morrow ! You know 
 how eloquent, how persuasive he can be ; 
 come, then* and hear him, as an ambassador 
 
RECANTATION. 275 
 
 of Christ, beseech you to be reconciled unto 
 God ! " 
 
 At this moment Harcourt himself entered 
 the room ; but in her affectionate solicitude 
 she scarcely noticed the interruption, and 
 went on. " Join with us afterwards in the 
 communion of our Lord : let us kneel around 
 that holy table, where rejoicing in the full 
 assurance of faith, we are spiritually united 
 to our Saviour, and become one with Him 
 and He with us ! Oh, say, then, you will 
 come, and reap the benefit of His death 
 and passion to your great and endless com- 
 fort ! " 
 
 " Say you will," she added, gently at- 
 tempting to withdraw my hands from be- 
 fore my face, " we both of us ask this from 
 you .... Do not refuse our parting wish." 
 But the bitter sobs which convulsed my 
 frame could no longer be repressed, and I 
 abandoned myself to the intensity of my 
 despair, as I sank into her arms, and uttered 
 the fearful confession of my apostasy. 
 
 She started from me in wild surprise, 
 while her husband uttered an involuntary 
 expression of sorrow and astonishment, and 
 
276 RECANTATION. 
 
 for an instant both seemed transfixed with 
 horror; but the next moment every sensation 
 but pity had disappeared, and they strove 
 to calm my agitation and remorse. And then 
 it was that Harcourt asserted the noblest 
 prerogative of his sacred calling, and spoke 
 to me of hope, of consolation, and of for- 
 giveness. 
 
 I sat between these pitying angels, trea- 
 suring every word which promised comfort 
 to my distracted soul, and clinging to those 
 blest assurances of pardon to the trembling 
 and repentant sinner, whose only sacrifice 
 to God is a troubled spirit and a contrite 
 heart. 
 
 When they bade me farewell that night, 
 with a promise of returning early the next 
 day, and devoting it entirely to me, I felt- 
 more composed, more cheered, than I could 
 have dared a few hours before to hope. 
 The reckless despair w r hich had so often led 
 me to fancy myself cut off from all partici- 
 pation in heavenly promises, seemed already 
 soothed ; and Hooked forward with anxious 
 expectation for the morrow, which was to 
 bring a renewal of this spiritual consolation. 
 
RECANTATION. 277 
 
 I was not destined, however, to receive 
 this last enjoyment ; for an attack of fever 
 came on during the night, which confined 
 me to my bed. I was too ill on the Sunday 
 to see even the gentle Mary, and scarcely 
 strength to receive her farewell early the 
 next morning, when she entreated to see 
 me if but for an instant. Her last words 
 as she bent over me were an encouragement 
 to be of good cheer, that they would both 
 
 pray for me unceasingly. 
 
 # # # # # * # 
 
 It is nearly six weeks since they left 
 Florence ; I have grown much weaker since, 
 I think. I no longer leave my room, for I 
 feel unequal to any exertion such as I should 
 formerly have welcomed to divert the mel- 
 ancholy which preyed upon me ; I am grown 
 quite passive now. I can sit still for hours, 
 looking up in the blue sky, and thinking how 
 strange it is that the bright sunlight has no 
 longer power to charm away the darkness 
 which has gathered over my soul. 
 
 It is sad to be so feeble and so lonely, 
 with no one left to love me but poor Annina, 
 who, hireling and uneducated as she is, 
 
278 RECANTATION. 
 
 clings to me yet, and often conies and 
 kneels by the side of the sofa, takes my 
 hand in hers, and cries over it, oh, so bit- 
 terly ! and it would be a relief for me to 
 weep also, but I seldom shed tears now. 
 My fingers have become so thin, that even 
 my wedding-ring can scarcely keep on. . . 
 ... I wonder whether Trionfi will take it 
 off when I am dead ? Perhaps he will not 
 
 be here not even to see me die ! 
 
 Ah ! I remember I have heard them say 
 that the priests only remain to witness the 
 parting struggles of life and death. Alone 
 I shall be then, without a friend ! Only 
 
 the priests ! only the priests / . . . . 
 
 and they will give me the consecrated wa- 
 fer and extreme unction too : in my last 
 moments I must still testify my adherence 
 to their faith ! Oh, that I could but die a 
 Protestant, once more receive the Sacra- 
 ment according to my belief, and attest my 
 repentance with my latest breath ! 
 
 How strange it is to feel that I am dy- 
 ing, and shall soon pass away from hence. 
 I look upon all things with a sort of vague 
 curiosity, as if I had never noticed them 
 
RECANTATION. 279 
 
 sufficiently before, and much strikes me 
 now as beautiful which once I should 
 scarcely have regarded. But the sight of 
 the bustling crowd in the street beneath 
 my window makes me feel very, very lone- 
 ly ; for amongst all that multitude hurrying 
 to and fro, engrossed in pleasure or in busi- 
 ness, I dp not see one person who cares 
 whether I am living or dead. I often re- 
 cognize my former gay associates in the 
 carriages that drive past ; but I have out- 
 lived their recollection,- besides which, I 
 am considered in a decline, and the Italians 
 fly from it as contagious. Oh, I do feel so 
 solitary here ! .... 
 
 I have been removed to another room, 
 which looks into a garden ; I can see trees 
 and flowers, and a sparkling fountain which 
 reflects the sunbeams in a thousand colors, 
 How beautiful the sky appears to me ! I 
 often strive to pierce through the immensity 
 of space, and wonder whether my mother's 
 spirit can view me from hr blest abode. 
 .... Sweet mother ? it would have been a 
 happiness to die, could you but have watch- 
 ed my bed of sickness ? Sometimes I do 
 
280 RECANTATIO N. 
 
 not despond as much as I used once to do 
 .... I think of Harcourt's words ; and if I 
 had only strength to study my Bible much ? 
 I am sure I could find many more equally 
 consoling yes, words and promises of com- 
 fort even to me for I acknowledge my trans- 
 gression, and my sin is ever before me - 
 and from such as come unto Him in peni- 
 tence and humility, God surely turneth not 
 
 away ! 
 
 ***** 
 
 I feel happier than I used formerly ; and 
 I last night had a blessed dream, which 
 seemed sent from on high to sustain my 
 flitting spirit in its passage to eternity. I 
 fancied myself roaming in the immensity of 
 space, oppressed by terror, and not know- 
 ing where to seek for shelter ; when sud- 
 denly I felt myself sinking, and a number 
 of fearful phantoms, who appeared to re- 
 present Remorse, Hypocrisy, and Despair, 
 were dragging me down to a dark abyss 
 which was yawning to receive me. 
 
 I held up my hands in wild affright, 
 and cast an agonized glance upwards, when 
 suddenly I beheld in the heavens a glorious 
 
RECANTATION. 281 
 
 light which shed its radiant lustre far and 
 near, excepting on the gloomy cavern to- 
 wards which I was descending. In the 
 centre stood a cross, ineffably bright and 
 luminous, at the foot of which there knelt a 
 countless multitude and I saw crowns 
 and sceptres, youth's fairest wreaths 
 manhood's loftiest aspirations and broken 
 hearts all cast in tribute before that cross, 
 to which they clung in preference to aught 
 else besides. I looked up despairing of as- 
 sistance, yet conscious that if I could but 
 once reach that blessed light I should be 
 saved. Down, down I went the atmos- 
 phere growing more murky and oppres- 
 sive, and distant yells and groans, like the 
 hoarse raging of a stormy sea, becoming 
 distinctly audible. Once more I clasped 
 my hands in supplication, and this time I 
 called on Him who is mighty to save IN 
 FAITH I called, believing I might yet be 
 rescued and lo ! light as a heavenly spirit 
 I rose up in the air, and a chorus of sera- 
 phic voices broke forth into songs of praise 
 and triumphant jubilee ! 
 
 Then myriads of rejoicing souls appeared 
 
282 RECANTATION. 
 
 to welcome the Ransomed of the Lord ; and 
 one beauteous spirit in particular preceded 
 all the rest, and receiving me in her arms, 
 supported me in my upward flight. The 
 face was ineffably beautiful, yet it bore still 
 the features of one who, during her pilgrim- 
 age of sorrows, had been so lovely that we 
 seemed to view the angel even while she 
 dwelt on earth. Her spotless robes of white 
 encircled my form, and her arms were gently 
 wound about me ; once more my head was 
 pillowed on her breast, and joy and gladness 
 already seemed my portion, sorrow and 
 sighing seemed for ever flown away, when 
 I recognised in that heavenly spirit she who 
 
 on earth had been my mother! 
 
 ******* 
 
 Oh, Harcourt ! best and truest friend 
 with my dying breath I shall invoke bless- 
 ings on your head, and pray for your end- 
 less happiness ! 
 
 I am no longer alone ; my last hours 
 will be soothed by a brother's love my 
 trembling spirit re-assured by the presence 
 of a minister of Christ ! Henry is here, sent 
 by Harcourt to watch his sister's death-bed, 
 
RECANTATION. 283 
 
 and guide her unto truth. No more the 
 stern, relentless brother that once I used to 
 dread, but gentle, pitying, and persuasive ! 
 To-morrow I shall once more be permitted 
 to partake spiritually of our Saviour's bless- 
 ed Communion, and then trusting in our 
 Redeemer for forgiveness He who was 
 wounded for our transgressions and bruised 
 for our iniquities I shall lift up my face 
 without fear, and forget the misery I have 
 suffered, or remember it only as waters that 
 have passed away. I know that the time 
 of my departure draweth near, and I await 
 with humble faith the hour when it shall 
 plea'se the Almighty to take me hence ; and 
 having peace with Him through our Lord 
 Jesus Christ, I rejoice in the hope of ever- 
 lasting life ! 
 
 New-York : Printed by JOHN R. M'GowN, 128, Fulton-st. 
 
Jfn 1 1) e $ r s s . 
 
 By the Rev. J. A. Spencer, A. M. 
 
 0f Information 
 
 ENGLAND. 
 
 One volume. 16mo. 
 
 THE LIFE AND REMAINS 
 
 REV. WILLIAM JACKSON, 
 
 LATE RECTOR OF ST. STEPHEN'S CHURCH, 
 NEW-YORK. 
 
 One volume. 12mo. $1,00, 
 
n 1 1) |) r * . 
 
 By the Rev. Henry M. Mason, D. D. 
 
 SELECT>E E PATRIBUS, 
 
 THEOLOGLE SUMMA CLERICIS, 
 
 HAUD INUTILE IN USUM 
 
 JUVENTUTIS ACADEMICS. 
 
 Notitiis Patrum Prcefixis. 
 
 la a handsome duodecimo volume. 
 
n 1 1) t $ r * . 
 
 By the Rev. A. B. Chapin, M. A 
 
 J3 u r i i a n i tn 
 
 GENUINE PROTESTANTISM. 
 
 BEING A REVIEW OF 
 
 " THE PURITANS AND THEIR PRIN- 
 CIPLES, BY EDWIN HALL." 
 
 A handsome 16 mo, 
 
b Ii0 
 
 JReu. C. J5. 
 
 LADY MARY: 
 
 OR, 
 
 NOT OF THE WORLD 
 
 One volume. 12mo. 75c, 
 
 MARGARET; 
 
 OR, THE PEARL 
 
 Uniform' with the above. 
 
14 DAY USE 
 
 RETURN TO DESK FROM WHICH BORROWED 
 
 This book is due on the last date stamped below, or 
 
 on the date to which renewed. 
 Renewed books are subject to immediate recall. 
 
 AHH 4 '65 -0PM 
 
 ' ' 
 
 -*- 
 
 DEC., 
 
 
 '*r* 
 
ouu 
 
. 
 
 
 p 
 
 1 
 
 IP 
 
 t^ii 
 
 us 
 in 
 
 ,!?M*; 
 
 I i 
 
 
 1 
 
 
 I