STACK ANNEX 5 060 112 m^m^. ynicsCklci^daj- WlSdOTIl tfr*"-^ The Entirely New Cynic's Calendar of Revised Wisdom for 1905 by Ethel Watts Mumford Oliver Herford Addison Mizner ® Paul Elder and Company ' Publishers, San Francisco Verbum Sap Copyright^ ig04 by Paul Elder and Company San Francisco Enured at Stationers' Hall London « The Tomoye Press San Francisco ^i DEDICATION TO THE WORLD AT LARGE This Little Book of Wisdom Great It pleases Us to dedicate To that Rampageous Reprobate — The World at Large. Yet as we mark his Stony Phiz And see him whoop and whirl and whiz. We can but cry — O Lord, why is The World at Large! Oliver Herford. 2061311 Memoranda Tell the truth and shame the — family. ® Sunday i Monday - . - » = 2 Tuesday ----- 3 Wednesday . = . - 4 Thursday - ■ - - 5 Friday 6 Saturday 7 xps::^^ ^Pfe Memoranda yV,u','^'>^u>V^<^'^.'^> - .^>,f .-r^f There's none so blind as those who won't fee. o Sunday 8 Monday 9 Tuesday lo Wednesday ■ - - ■ 1 1 Thursday 12 Friday i3 Saturday 14 /^2aSM^-«r Memoranda v a'.'^','>'.'.'>>^^^u/..-..,->, ^ ^ , . . ./ Knowledge is power — if you know it about the right person. ® Sunday 15 Monday 16 Tuesday 17 Wednesday • ■ - - 18 Thursday • ■ - -19 Friday 20 Saturday ■ - • - 21 ^zs:^^^ Jan. A little spark may smirk unseen. Sunday . . ^ . - 22 Monday ■ - ■ • 23 Tuesday 24 Wednesday ■ - - ■ 25 Thursday 26 Friday 27 Saturday 28 /^22c:3P^ Memoranda V>V.',u%'.iA'^<^«>..»^«^»^'^uf^ The wages of Gin is Debt. ® Sunday 29 Monday 30 Tuesday 31 ^CTss:;^- Memoranda WV.«^','^^'AU>^^^U'^'>'^'^'i You may lead an Ass to Knowledge— but you cannot make him Think. ® ^^sur^^-r Memoranda ^-^ bV.».»,U'.'aur^<^'U>^'^f^.»^>^r^l Actresses will happen in the best regulated families. o Sunday 5 Monday 6 Tuesday 7 Wednesday . - - - 8 Thursday 9 Friday 10 Saturday 11 ^SISS^^ Memoranda ^' yV.U»-UU'^»AP^^',U'>'* u>v^uu',» . '.f.r^igj One good turn deserves applause. ® Sunday ig Monday 20 Tuesday 21 Wednesday ■ ... 22 Thursday 23 Friday 24 Saturday 25 Sunday 26 Monday 27 Tuesday 28 Memoranda ^,V>,u'>'.ii^r^i^u>^.^.^.^ut^ /^SS^!^^ Memoranda ^^' ty.' A'.'>-A-A ' a' V^U ;^ . ^, ^ , ^ , , , ^-^rrr^ He who owes nothing fears nothing. Sunday 5 Monday 6 Tuesday 7 Wednesday .... 8 Thursday 9 Friday lo Saturday • - ■ 1 1 'jES^ti^^ ^ps:^<^^ Memoranda ^^ VV.u'-'^'>%'^>v^u>^'^»^'^'^r Mar, You will never miss water while the champagne runs dry. Sunday la Monday i3 Tuesday 14 Wednesday • • • -15 Thursday - ■ ■ -16 Friday i? Saturday ■ - • - 18 I'll make insurance doubly sure and take a brand of fate. ® ^ps^^^^ Memoranda WV,..»j>'>'^u'^<^U'^«^»szt:i Money makes the Mayor go. o Sunday Monday ■ Tuesday Wednesday - Thursday - Friday Saturday ■ 19 20 21 22 ■ 23 24 - 25 ^psz::^^ Memoranda VV^u»-u^'^'>..>V^U'^«^»^'^>.r^!a Mar, There's a Pen for the wise, but alas! no Pound for the foolish. Sunday - - 26 Monday . ^ - 27 Tuesday ■ . 28 Wednesday ... 29 Thursday • ■ 30 Friday - ■ - ■ 31 /^22C^J^^ Memoranda 6V/.»j>'>ur/.'^^^uu«v^'^ur Imagination makes cowards of us all. @ Saturday . . - - i Sunday 2 Monday 3 Tuesday 4 Wednesday ■ ■ • ■ 5 Thursday 6 Friday 7 Saturday ----- 8 /^3ZCm®^ Memoranda WVv^'-'^>;Mi.»^^F,f^taf The number of a man's widows will be in proportion to the size of his estate, Sunday i6 Monday 17 Tuesday - - ■ ■ -18 Wednesday • ■ ■ -19 Thursday 20 Friday 21 Saturday 22 ^p2Z^^<^^ Memoranda y&>.U','>'.'^>^>V^U/^...^,^F.r^7>vi ® Sunday - • - ■ ■ 23 Monday 24 Tuesday 25 Wednesday ■ - ■ -26 Thursday - - ■ ■ 27 Friday 28 Saturday - - ■ ■ 29 Sunday 30 *^ Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble." — Shakespeare. @ >^22c:J^- Memoranda wv,..».i>'.'.i>'^<^uu'^'s Let him that standeth pat take heed lest they call. @ Monday i Tuesday . - - - - 2 Wednesday ■ - ■ ■ 3 Thursday .... 4 Friday 5 Saturday 6 ^zs::^^ Memoranda ty t!4 ' » ' * ' * ' A 'A'^^#^'rf>U'«.'r'«^rfl>iJ^ Sunday 7 Monday 8 Tuesday 9 Wednesday - ■ - ■ lo Thursday 1 1 Friday 12 Saturday 13 I Memoranda Nothing succeeds like — failure. o Sunday 21 Monday 22 Tuesday 23 Wednesday • • ■ -24 Thursday - - - - 25 Friday 26 Saturday . - ■ - 27 /psn^J^- May Nothing succeeds like — failure. o Sunday 21 Monday 22 Tuesday 23 Wednesday ■ ■ - -24 Thursday - - • • 25 Friday 26 Saturday .... 27 /^22e:^- Memoranda Vi\v^','^'>'Ar^yWU^^«^»^.'^>^ Charity is the sterilized milk of human kindness. o Sunday • Monday Tuesday Wednesday 28 29 30 31 /^SISm^-^ Memoranda yVj^',U'>'^>A>^^^U/^»^»^»^f.T^-rrrf The greatest possession is Self-possession. June Thursday • Friday Saturday • Sunday ■ Monday Tuesday ■ Wednesday Thursday Friday • Saturday 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 lO t^- The First Lesson Memoranda y>>>'A»>i.>Vr^-'-'-'-'-^"^^-^ /jjs::^^^- Memoranda ^ t'l' '^-'-^'^''^ ' *.'-A^^u ^^ ■ ^ . ^ ' ^ r . r ^ T as Pleasant company always accepted. ® Sunday ii Monday 12 Tuesday 13 Wednesday ■ • ■ -14 Thursday ■ - ■ - 15 Friday 16 Saturday ■ ■ ■ -17 /5?3i2^9^ Memoranda Wy.i^'J^'.'.iW^UU'^i^'^f.r^in The gossip is not always of the swift, nor the tattle of the wrong. June Sunday Monday ■ Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday - Saturday i8 19 20 21 22 23 24 /^EZ^^i^^ Memoranda w V , t . i ,u ' >'A' >>^<^u>^»^T^.^ur Advice to Parents — ''Cast not your girls before swains." @ Sunday 25 Monday 26 Tuesday 27 Wednesday - • ■ -28 Thursday - ■ - ■ 29 Friday 30 /^3E:^^^ Memoranda WV.»^',U'>'^'^>V^U'^»^T^.r^>V THE DOCTOR'S MOTTO — A fee in the hand is worth two on the book. Sunday 9 Monday 10 Tuesday 11 Wednesday - ■ ■ -12 Thursday 13 Friday 14 Saturday 15 ^f^sa-:;^- Memoranda rlrj^»,'>%'AU>^<...U'^'.f >.'.^^.f^'2 July It's better to be a live ^'Lobster " than a dead '* Social Lion." o Sunday i6 Monday 17 Tuesday 18 Wednesday ■ - - - 19 Thursday 20 Friday 21 Saturday 22 The wisest reflections are but Vanity. ® A^ZZ>*^^ Memoranda ViV^'«'>'i'4'^'^^Jv'.1^U'>'n'^'.r,..'^'li You love me little if you can't stand my song. o Sunday 23 Monday 24 Tuesday ■ • • ■ - 25 Wednesday - - - - 26 Thursday 27 Friday 28 Saturday 29 Sunday 30 Monday 31 fe^i^iiVg*^ ^ss::^^ Memoranda tV,».».»>'.'.u>v^'^'^'^':^!^::z What can't be cured must be insured. o Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday - Saturday - /^EC^i^^ Memoranda tV,'.'-'>'>'A'i.'v^uu'^.»^.'^''^- The more taste, the less creed. Sunday ----- 6 Monday 7 Tuesday 8 Wednesday - - - - 9 Thursday - ■ • • 10 Friday 11 Saturday - - ■ - 12 xps::^^ Memoranda WV . T ^ » .>^ ' >'^> ^>^<^<^'^'^»>>'^'^f^ r^^J^U Aug. He jests at scores who never played at Bridge. @ Sunday 27 Monday 28 Tuesday 29 Wednesday - - - • 30 Thursday - - - ^ - 31 *'With all thy faults I love thee— still." ^ ^zs::m^ Memoranda w V , i ^ ' ,>>^' i'>'^<^uu«,»»'^'^r,ts :ga Women change their minds a dozen times a day — that's why they are so clean-minded. o Friday Saturday • Sunday ■ Monday Tuesday - Wednesday Thursday Friday - Saturday ffss^^^^ Memoranda WV/^»,'^'.'^U'V^U<^'^»^7^U Sept, Kind hearts are more than coronets— few girls can afford to have either. ® Sunday lo Monday ii Tuesday 12 Wednesday - - ■ " i3 Thursday ■ - ■ - ^4 Friday ^5 Saturday ■ - - - 16 i'*"n^y^ I Tr. Memoranda He who fights and runs away Will live to write about the fray. o Sunday ^7 Monday ^^ Tuesday ^9 Wednesday - - - - 20 Thursday ^i Friday 22 Saturday 23 1fe^'-i:al iVl3~=y r ^jss-::^^ Memoranda WV«.',U'.UU>V^U<^«^»^.'^>^ A gentle lie turneth away inquiry. o Sunday 24 Monday 25 Tuesday 26 Wednesday - - ■ - 27 Thursday ■ ■ - - 28 Friday 29 Saturday 30 /^22C^^^ Memoranda C\t.u»,»^'.'^»^>^<^U'^',»^>^>.r^ig Never too old to yearn. /^232!®^ Memoranda WV,i.»J>'.'.ii>'^<^U<^«^».'.M^lji The pension is mightier than the sword. Sunday 8 Monday 9 Tuesday lo Wednesday • ■ - ■ 1 1 Thursday • ■ -12 Friday 13 Saturday - - - - 14 Dead men tell no tales — ?—? — ! ® ■^^T»t/-fU*^* A^SS:^^^ A fool's paradise is nevertheless a paradise. @ Sunday 15 Monday 16 Tuesday 17 Wednesday ■ ■ ■ - 18 Thursday ■ ■ ■ ■ 19 Friday 20 Saturday ■ - - =21 /^szzrS^-^ Memoranda >V.1.»J>U'AlAr^<^'>.<^'^»^'^Uf^ Oct, Let Well enough alone —there's brandy and soda. Sunday ^^ Monday ^3 Tuesday ^^ Wednesday • ■ - " ^5 Thursday . - ■ ■ 26 Friday ^7 Saturday ^^ Sunday ^^ Monday ^o Tuesday ^i ^ps::^^ Memoranda CVr,V»j>'>'.u>^'^U'^'^'^2Z!:; A fellow failing makes us wondrous unkind, o Wednesday Thursday - Friday • • Saturday - Sunday Monday Tuesday ■ Wednesday Thursday Friday ■ Saturday I 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 lO II /C22E2i^- Memoranda Society covers a multitude of sins. Sunday 12 Monday 13 Tuesday 14 Wednesday - - - -15 Thursday - ■ - - 16 Friday 17 Saturday - - ■ - 18 /^2IC2J^^ Memoranda < t^^»J^»J>'>'A>^l^^^»>.<^»^l^.^>.f^T.-ti Many bands make tight work. © ^f^szc:;^- Memoranda WV.»^',uu'^u>^<^U<^''^»^'^f^r Suicide is despise of life. © Friday Saturday • Sunday ■ Monday Tuesday ■ Wednesday Thursday Friday - Saturday xjsas:;^- j^zs::^^ Memoranda vVu'-U'>'^ii^>^<^U<^«rr:;rr:rTr The more waist the less speed. Sunday 17 Monday 18 Tuesday 19 Wednesday - - - - 20 Thursday 21 Friday 22 Saturday 23 /^SSS^^^ Memoranda WV.t^',uu'^'^'^<^u<^'^i^.'^>^r^ @ Sunday - = - ■ -24 Monday - = - ■ ■ 25 Tuesday 26 Wednesday - ■ - ■ 27 Thursday 28 Friday 29 Saturday 30 Sunday 31 Shut your mouth and open your eyes — And you'll need nothing to make you wise. © Finis Next! University of California SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 305 De Neve Drive - Parking Lot 17 • Box 951388 LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90095-1388 Return this material to the library from which it was borrowed. JUL 072005 i % % biiivurSll South! Lil ^ THOUGHTS, ESSAYS AND A FEW LYRICS Change is a perpetual deliveranee. Never throw jieople l^aek on themselves. A single glance of soul-sympathy from another's ^es, how it can dignify a man, how throw him on ) the best of himself. If you want to be great, you must give up trying ) be thought great. In work there is always worry when the element f competition enters in. Speeding up is the worst enemy of efficiency. How tree-tops against the sky fascinate one's aze. Wherever there are trees against an horizon, ly eyes are unconsciously drawn. A man may be reinforced against himself at an ge when it would seem all his chances of improve - lent must have passed aw^ay. Possibilities which have remained quiescent tirough lack of soil suitable to their development, lay blossom into realisation at any moment of a ff'timp. THOUGHTS 1 In the lives of all geniuses there is a great deal ( waste. If you can run off the lines, you can run on then and the energy that tempts to indulgence wi perform your task for you if you allow it. Our times of surrender to desire are those i which we could work most valiantly if we remaine faithful to duty. A little hardening of the wi is all that is necessary to accomplish this. Don't move an inch for the sake of conformity or for the persuasions of friends. It is not what others think, but what you fe( that signifies. I often tremble with the desire to impart som joyful thought or discovery, but shrink from doin so from the feeling that I shall lose my own seren possession of it. The spiritual treasures most deeply belonging t us are those we brood over alone, and cherish in th innermost recesses of our being ; — too esoteric fc mention, too sacred for aught but glancing at wit the spiritual consciousness, and leaning on fc strong support and peace, • J8 THOUGHTS, ESSAYS AND A FEW LYRICS s definitely raining or blowing, it reminds one ot tsclf, and I like to be reminded of nature. To-day it is pom'ing hard, with a cold, gusty wind blowing, and I feel perfectly at peace, gazing out )f my window at the grey trees receding in mist igainst the pale sky. Nature weeps audibly, and .eems very near and companionable to my solitude. Presently I may rouse myself to go out, but now [ am content to gaze, — to gaze and dream, with iyes on the veiled horizon. Oh ! the beauty of life without hurry, of life and eisure ! These two ought never to be separated. 3ut what do I mean by leisure ? — leisure from all ;hose worldly aims that destroy our peace, and drive IS mercilessly, until life becomes a grievous burden, md we ourselves smaller and meaner every day. The so-called " society woman " appals one vith her affectation and her languishing airs. Her 'urs, her false complexion, her toy dog, create an mpression of artificiality that is infinitely repellant. " Society " is no place for the simple. There is always something vulgar about sophis- :ication. To be worldly is to be Malgar. The potential qualities of the sexes are identical ; THOUGHTS 29 but differing education and environment produce a differing development. Both are aspects of the same soul. In our weak moments we pine to be loved ; but it is only necessary to love in order to be happy. Romance implies high feeling. The difference between the greedy seeker after pleasure, and the ambitious worldly man, is that the former grasps at the means of enjoyment close at hand, while the latter strives for some less easily attainable indulgence. There is nothing intrinsi- cally nobler in the one than in the other. There is no sex in mind and soul. In heaven there is no marrying or giving in marriage. Serve innocence wherever you find it. Weariness and depression are the result of looking down to material trifles instead of up to spiritual realities. Strange how we ask of circumstances what can only come from ourselves.