UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES VOL. I. * % REPRINTS OF THE EARLY AND VERY RARE JEST-BOOKS SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN USED BY SHAKESPEARE. I. Jtterg FROM THE ONLY KNOWN COPY. II. anU uicfee &nstom$, FROM THE RARE EDITION OF 1567. Edited, -with Introduction and Notes, BY \V. CAREW HAZLITT, OF THE INNER TEMPLE, BARRISTER-AT-LA\V. That I was disdainful, and that I had my good wit out of the Hundred Merry Talcs. BEATRICE, in Much Ado about Nothing. LONDON : WILLIS & SOTHERAN, 136, STRAND. MDCGCI.XIV. STACK ANNEX W5 H3 INTRODUCTION. WHEN a small impression of these quaint old books issued from the Chiswick Press, many % years ago, under the auspices of the late Mr. S. W. ^ Singer, that gentleman merely designed the copies y struck off for presentation to a select circle of literary friends who, like himself, felt a warm interest in every relic of the past which helped to illustrate Shakespeare and ancient English manners. ^ He did not consequently feel under the necessity of furnishing notes, and he preserved not only the old orthography, but the old punctuation, and the most palpable errors of the press. His edition unfortunately laboured under one disadvantage : when he printed, in 1814, the Mery Tales and Quick Answers from Berthelet's edition, he ima- gined that this was the book to which Beatrice is made to allude in Muck Ado About Nothing, and ii Introduction. under this idea he christened the volume Shake- speare's Jest Book. He also thought he was safe in assuming that the edition by Berthelet was the only one extant. But Mr. Singer discovered, before his undertaking was a year old, that he had come to an erroneous conclusion on both these points : for an impression of the Mery Tales, &>c. printed by Henry Wykes in 1567, and containing, with all the old matter, twenty-six additional stories, was brought under his notice, and about the same time" a totally unknown work, bearing the very title mentioned by Beatrice, was accidentally rescued from oblivion by the Rev. J. J. Conybeare, who, it is said by Dunlop, picked up the treasure at a bookstall. This was no other than A C. MERY TALYS. The copy of C. Mery Talys thus casually brought to light, had been used by a binder of or about the time of its appearance as pasteboard to another book, and it was in this state when it fell in the way of Mr. Conybeare. As might have been ex- pected, many of the leaves were damaged and mutilated ; but (which rendered the matter still more curious) it happily chanced that more than one copy had been employed by the aforesaid binder in fashioning the aforesaid pasteboard, and the consequence was that a much larger fragment Introduction. iii than would have been otherwise saved was formed by means of duplicate leaves. Still several gaps in the text remained, which it was found impossible to fill up, and as no other copy has since occurred, no better means exist now than existed fifty years ago of supplying the deficiencies. Where the hiatus consisted of a word or two only, and the missing portion could be furnished by conjecture, Mr. Singer took the liberty of adding what seemed to be wanting, in italics ; his interpolations have been left as they stood. The old orthography and language, besides the charm of quaintness, appeared to the editor to possess a certain philological value, and he has rigidly adhered to it. In respect to the punctuation, the case was different ; there were no reasons of any kind for its retention ; it was very imperfect and capricious ; and it has therefore been modernized throughout. The C. Mery Talys, of which the copy above described has a fair pretension to the distinction of uniqueness, were first printed by John Rastell, without date but circa 1525, in folio, 24 leaves. Whether Rastell printed more than one edition is an open question. The book was not reprinted, so far as we know at present, till 1558, when John Walley or WUey paid two shillings to the Stationers' t Company for his licence to produce this and other iv Introduction. pieces. Walley reprinted a great number of books which had originally come from the press of Wynkyn de Worde and other early masters of the art, but it is not very likely that the C. Mery Talys made their appearance prior to 1525, and there is room to doubt whether even then the severe re- flections on the scandalous lives of the Roman Catholic priesthood were not slightly premature. The almost total destruction of copies may be, after all, due, not to the excessive popularity of the publication, but to its early suppression by authority or otherwise. After the triumph of the Reformation, and until the death of Edward VI. however, although these tales still remained as un- palatable as ever to a certain party, there was nothing to hinder their circulation, and that there were intermediate impressions between that from Rastell's press, and the one licensed to Walley, 1 if not printed by him, is not at all improbable. The C. Mery Talys were subsequently and successively the property of Sampson A""^ :irion nf a cha:^e in the government, and in order to printed the Tales, it is most lik lie waited, till Elizabeth came . to the throne. Introduction. v Wall 3, Awdley, or Charlwood, has disappeared, although doubtless all three printed the work. Of the MERY TALES AND QUICKE ANSWERES, which forms the second portion of the present volume, only two impressions are known. One of these, supposed to be the original, was printed by Thomas Berthelet, without date (about 1535), in 4to. ; .it contains 114 anecdotes. The other, from the press of Henry Wykes, bears the date 1567, and is in the duodecimo form ; it reproduces with tolerable exactness the text of Berthelet, and has twenty-six new stories. Besides these, at least one other impression formerly existed : for, in 1576-7, Henry Bynneman paid to the Stationers Company fourpence "and a copie "for "abooke entituled mery tales, wittye questions, and quycke answers." l No copy of Bynneman's edition has hitherto been discovered ; a copy of that of 1567 was in the H^rleian library. At the sale of the White-Knights' collection in 1819, Mr. George Daniel of Canonbury gave nineteen guineas for the exemplar of Berth elet's undated 4to, which had previously been in the Roxburghe library, and which, at the dispersion of the latter in 1812, had fetched the moderate sum of 5/. 15^. 6d. The reader who is conversant with this class of (i) Collier's Extracts from the Reg. Stat. Co. ii. 25. vi Introduction. literature will easily recognise in the following pages many stories familiar to him either in the same, or in very slightly different, shapes ; a few, which form part of the Mery Tales and Quick Answers, were included in a collection published many years since under the title of Tales of the Minstrels. No. 42 of the Mery Tales and Quick Answers was perhaps at one time rather popular as a theme for a joke. There is an Elizabethan ballad commencing, " ty the mare, torn-boy, ty the mare," by William Keth, which the editor thought, before he had had an opportunity of examining it, might be on the same subject ; but he finds that it has nothing whatever to do with the matter. 1 It may also be noticed that the story related of the king who, to revenge himself on God, forbad His name to be mentioned, or His worship to be celebrated throughout his dominions, is said by Montaigne, in one of his essays, to have been current in his part of France, when he was a boy. The king was Alfonso xi of Castile. No. 68 of A C. Mery Talys, "Of the Friar that stole the Pudding," is merely an abridgment of the same story, which occurs in Tarltons Newes out of (i) An abridgment of this ballad was published in Ritson's Ancient Songs and Ballads, 1829, ii. 31. But see the Townley Catalogue, No. 358. If 21 C, merg Introduction. vii Purgatorie, where it is told of the " Vickar of Bergamo." Many of the jests in these two pam- phlets are also to be found in Scoggins Jests, licensed in 1565 ; a few occur in the Philosopher's Banquet, 1614 ; and one that where the lady ties a string to her toe as a signal to her lover is repeated at greater length in the "Cobler of Canterbury," edit. 1608, where it is called " the old wives' tale." It would be a curious point to ascertain whether the anec- dotes common to these collections and to " Scog- gin's Jests," do not refer to the same person ; and whether Scoggin is not in fact the hero of many of the pranks attributed to the " Scholar of Oxford," the "Youngman," the "Gentleman," &c. in the following pages, which were in existence many years before the first publication of Scoggins Jests. It will hardly be contested at the present day, that " books of the people," x like these now reprinted, with all their occasional coarseness and frequent dulness, are of extreme and peculiar value, as illus- trations of early manners and habits of thought. The editor has ventured to make certain emen- dations of the text, where they were absolutely necessary to make it intelligible ; but these are always carefully noted at the foot of the page (i) The elder Disraeli has a chapter on this subject in his Amenities of Literature. viii Introduction. where they occur. A word or two, here, and there, has been introduced between brackets to complete the sense ; and a few notes have been given, since it was thought desirable to point out where a tale was common to several collections in various shapes or in the same shape, to indicate the source from which it was derived, and to elucidate obscure phrases or passages. But he has refrained from overloading the book with comment, from a feeling that, in the majority of cases, the class of readers,to which a publication such as this addresses itself, are fully as competent to clear up any appa- rent difficulties which may fall in their way, as himself. The allusions to the C. Mery Talys and to its companion in old writers are sufficiently nume- rous. 1 Bathe, in his Introduction to the Art of Mustek, 1584, says : "But for the worthiness I thought it not to be doubted, seeing here are set forth a booke of a hundred mery tales, another of the bataile between the spider and the flie, &c." A few years later, Sir John Harington, in his Apologie (for the Metamorphosis of Ajax) 1596, writes : " Ralph Horsey, Knight, the best housekeeper in Dorset- (i) For some of these notices I am indebted to Mr. Singer ; others I have added myself from the various sources. Introduction. ix shire, a good freeholder, a deputie Lieutenant. Oh, sir, you keep hauks and houndes, and hunting- horses : it may be som madde fellowe will say, you must stand up to the chinne, for spending five hundred poundes, to catch hares, and Par- tridges, that might be taken for five poundes." Then comes this note in the margin : " according to the tale in the hundred Mery Tales." It is No. 57. In the Epilogue to the play of Wily Beguild, printed in 1606, but written during the reign of Elizabeth, there is a passage in which the C. Mery Talys are coupled with Scoggins Jests, and in his Wonderful yeare, 1603, Decker says: " I could fill a large volume, and call it the second part of the Hundred Merry Tales, only with such ridiculous stuff as this of the justice." From this extract, first quoted by Mr. Collier in his valuable History of the Drama, and from the manner in which Shakespeare, through the mouth of Beatrice, speaks of the Mery Talys, it is to be gathered that neither writer held this book of jests in very high estimation ; and, as no vestiges are traceable of an edition of the work subsequent to 1582, it is possible that about that time the title had grown too stale to please the less educated reader, and the work had fallen into disrepute in higher quarters. The stories themselves, in some shape x Introduction, or other, however, have been reproduced in every jest-book from the reign of Elizabeth to the Res- toration, while many of them multiply themselves even to the present day in the form of chap books. A C. Mery Talys was one of the popular tracts described by the pedantic Laneham, in his Letter from Kenilworth, 1575, as being in the Library of Captain Cox, of Coventry. 1 (i) In Act v. Sc. iii. of Fletcher's Nice Valour (Dyce's B. & F. x. 361) there is mention of the Hundred Novels, alluding, not to the C. Mery Talys, but to the Decameron of Boccaccio, of which an English trans- lation appeared in 1620-5. L a Baionnette, a Paris paper, prints :h,e3e two examples of French wit of the ixteenth Century: King Henry IV, while driving in Paris, saw an old man with white hair and a coal black beard. The king stopped his carriage and asked the old man how it came that his hair was white and his beard black. "Sire," answer the old man, "it is be- cause my hair is twenty years older than my beard." A physician, having a sick horse, called a veterinarian, who drenched the animal and cured it. "My friend," said the physician, "what do I owe you?" "No charge, sir," said the veterinarian. "We don't take pay from men in the pro- Cahle, PAGE 1" Of him that said there were but two com- mandcmentes. i 1 1 IT ty //? ir Of the gcntyll woman that sayde to a gentyll man yc haue a berde aboue and none benethe. XXX ..... .......... 5 1 IT Of the fr ere that sayde our Lorde fed fyue M. people with iiifysshys. xxxi ....... 52 IT Of the frankelyn tliat wold hatte had the frere gone, xxxii ............. 53 it Of the prest that sayd Our Lady was not so curyous a woman, xxxiii ........ 54 IT Of the good man that sayde to his wyfe he had euyll fare, xxxiv .......... 55 If Of the frere that bad his childe make a laten. xxxv ............... ib. IT Of the gentylman that asked the frere for his xxxvi ............ 56 IF Of the thre men that chose the woman, xxxvii. ib. *IT Of the gentylman that taught his cooke the medycyne for the tothake. xxxviii. ... 58 IT Of the gentylman that promysed the scoler of Oxford a sarcenet typet. xxxix ...... 60 IT Of mayster Skelton that broughte the bysshop of Norwiche ii fesauntys. xl ...... 62 IT Of the y eman of garde that sayd he wolde bete the carter, xli .......... . 65 Of the fole that saide he had leuer go to hell than to heuen. xlii .......... 66 11 Of the plowmannys sonne that sayde he sawe one to make a gose to creke swetely. xliii. . 67 IT Of the maydes answere that was wyth chylde. xliv ............... ib. U Of the seruaunt that rymyd with hys mayster. xlv. . 68 the ape. xlvi 60 x The Table. PAGE IF Of hym that solde ryght nought, xlvii. . 71 *F Of the frere that tolde the thre chyldres for- tunes, xlviii 72 T Of the boy that bare the frere his masters money, xlix 74 IF Of Phylyp Spencer the bochers man. 1. . . 75 IF Of the courtear and the carter, li 76 IF Of the yong man that prayd his felow to techc "> --. hym hys paternoster, lii 77 IF Of the frere that prechyd in ryme expownynge the ave maria. liii 78 IF Of the curat that prechyd the Artycles of the Crede. liv ,80 IF Of the frere thai prechyd the x commaunde- mentis. Iv 8a IF Oj the wyfe that bad her husbande ete the candell fyrste. Ivi 84 TF Of the man of lawes sonnes answer. Ivii. . . ib. IF Of the frere in the piilpet that bad the woman leue her babelynge. Iviii 85 IF Of the Welcheman that cast the Scotte into the see. lix 86 IF Of the man that had the dome wyfe. Ix. . . 87 IF Of the Proctour of Arches that had the lytel wyfe. Ixi 89 7\Of it nonnes that were shryuen of one prestc. Ixii ib) IF Of the esquyer that- sholde haue ben made knyght. Ixiii 91 IF Of hym that wolde gette the maystrye of his wyfe. Ixiv. , 92 IF Of the penytent that sayd the shepe of God haue mercy upon me. Ixv 93 The Table. xi PAGE *!j Of the husbande that sayd he was John daw. Ixvi 94 IT Of the scoler of oxforde that proued by souestry ^,^ ii chykens Hi. Ixvii gjj) IT Of the fr ere that stale the podynge. Ixviii. . . &6' husbandman that lodgyd the frere in his oivne bed. Ixx v$9i \^*s IT Qf the preste that wolde say two gospels for a grote. bcxi 100 If Of the coutear that dyd cast the frere ouer the bate. Ixxii 101 IT Of the frere that prechyd what mennys sowles were. Ixxiii ib. IT Oj the husbande that crycd ble vnder the bed. Ixxiv. 102 IT Of the shomaker that asked the colyer what tydynges in hell, bcxv 103 iT Of Seynt Peter that cryed cause bobe. Ixxvi. . 104 IT Of hym that aduenturyd body and soule for hys prynce. Ixxvii. . 105 U Of the par son that stale the my bier's elys. Ixxviii. 1 06 H Of the Welchman that saw one xls. better than God. Ixxix ib. IT Of the frere that said dyryge for the hoggys soule. Ixxx ib. IT Of the parson that sayde masse of requiem for Crystes soule. Ixxxi 108 IT Of the herdeman that sayde: ryde apace ye shall haue rayn. Ixxxii 109 II Of hym that sayde : I shall haue neuer a peny. Ixxxiii. . . no xii The Table. PAGE IT Of the husbande that sayde his ivyfe and he agreed well. Ixxxiv in T Of the prest that sayde Comede episcope. Ixxxv. ib. IT Of the woman that stale the pot. Ixxxvi. . . 112 IT Of mayster Whyttyntons dreme. Ixxxvi i. . . 113 IF Of the prest that killed his horse called modicus, Ixxxviii 114 If Of the Welcheman that stale the Englysshmans cocke. Ixxxix 115 T Of hym that brought a botell to a preste. xc. ib. IT Of the endytement of Jesu of Nazareth, xci. 116 II Of the frere that preched agaynst them that rode on the Sondaye. xcii 117 IF Of the one broder that founde a purs, xciii. . 118 IT Of the answere of the mastres to the mayde. xciv. 119 IT Of the northern man that was all harte. xcv. ib. ^1 Of the burnynge of olde John. xcvi. . .. . ib. If Of the courtear that ete the hot custarde. xcvii. 121 If Of the thre pointes belonging to a shrewd wyfe. xcix .122 IT Of the man that paynted the lamb upon his wyfes bely. c 123 A C. MERY TALYS. IF Of hym that said there were but two commande- mentes. i. ^T A CERTAVNE Curate in the contrey there was that preched in the pulpet of the ten comaunde- mentys, sayeflg" that there were ten commaunde- mentes that euery man should kepe, and he that brake any of them commytt^ syn, howbeit he sayd, that somtyme it was dedely and somtyme venyal. But when it was dedely syn and whan venyall there were many doutes therm. ^ And a mylner, a yong man, a mad felow that cam seldom to chyrch and had ben at very few sermons or none in all his lyfe, answered hym than shortely this wyse : I meruayl, master person, that ye say there be so many commaundementes and so many doutes : for I neuer hard tell but of two commaunde- mentes, that is to saye, commaunde me to you and 12 7. Mery Talys. commaunc you. Nor I neuer harde tell of more dout .wayn, that ys to say, dout the candell an i'.e fyre. 1 At which answere all the people ighynge. By this t '.- .1 - : ; n may well perceyue that they, that be b p withoute lernynge or good maner, sh be but rude and bestely, all thoughe tf haw good naturall wyttes. c If Of the Jr> lay with her prentys and caused him to at / r husbande disguised in her ray- ment. i'. ** 11 A WYF; tere was, which had apoynted her prentys tc her bed in the nyght, which seruaunt 1 woed her to haue his plesure ; which ac< o the apoyntement cam to her bed syde ^ht, her husbande lyenge by her. And whai rceyuyd him there, she caught hym by th h;ffl and helde hym fast, and incon- tynent wa her husbande, and sayde : syr, it is so ye hau ind an vntrue seruant, which is Wylliam ; itys, and hath longe woyd me to haue his j and because I coulde not auoyde (i) i.e. do t erhaps, scarcely necessary to mention that in French, the t> der\a& *. double signification, to command&nA to commend. ur language, the two words are of course distinct; hence the je; A C. Mery Talys. 13 his importunate request, I haue apoynted hym this nyght to mete me in the gardeyne in the herber ; and yf ye wyll aray your selfe in myn aray and go theder, ye shall see the profe therof ; and than ye may rebuke hym as ye thynk best by your dyscrecyon. This husbande, thus aduertysed by hys wyfe, put upon him his wyue's rayment and went to the herber ; and whan he was gone thyder the prentys cam in to bed to his mastres ; where for a season they were bothe content and plesyd ech other by the space of an hour or ii ; but whan she thoughte tyme conuenient, she said to the prentyse : now go thy way into the herber, and mete hym and tak a good waster 1 in thy hand, and say thou dyd it but to proue whether I wold be a good woman or no ; and reward him as thou thinkyst best This prentys doyng after his mastres councell went in to the herber, where he found his master in his mastres' apparell and sayd : A ! thou harlot, art thou comen hether ? now I se well, if I wod be fals to my master, thou woldest be a strong hore ; but I had leuer thou were hangid than I wold do him so trayterous a ded : therefor I shall gyve the som punyshment as thou lyke an hore hast cleseruyd ; and therewith lapt him well about the sholders and back, and gaue him a dosen or ii. good stripes. (i) Cudgel. 14 A C. Mery Talys. The master, felyng him selfe somwhat to smarte, sayde : peace, Willyam, myn own trew good seruant ; for Goddis sake, holde thy handes : for I am thy mayster and not thy maystres. Nay, hore, quod he, thou knowest thou art but an harlot, and I dyd but to proue the; and smote him agayn. Hold! Hold! quod the mayster, I beseech the, no more : for I am not she : for I am thy mayster, for I haue a berde ; and therwith he sparyd hys hand and felt his berd. Good mayster, quod the prentyse, I crye you mercy ; and then the mayster went unto hys wyfe ; and she askyd hym how he had sped- And he answeryd : I wys, wyfe, I haue been shrewdly betyn ; howbeit I haue cause to be glad : for I thank God I haue as trew a wyfe and as trew a seruant as any man hath in Englonde. 1 By thys tale ye may se that yt ys not wysdome for a man to be rulyd alway after his wyuys councell. ^ Of John Adroyns in the dyuyls appardl. iii. ^ IT fortunyd that in a market towne in the counte of Suffolke there was a stage play, in the which play one, callyd John Adroyns which dvvellyd in a (i) This story is merely the latter portion of the seventh novel of the Seventh Day of the Decameron ; but Boccaccio tells it somewhat differ- ently. It may also be found in the Pecorone of Ser. Giovanni Fiorentino, and in A Sackful of Newes, 1673 (a reprint of a much older edition). In the latter there are one or two trifling particulars not found here. A C.Mery Talys. 15 nother vyllage ii. myle from thens, playde the dyuyll. And when the play was done, thys John Adroyns in the euynyng departyd fro the sayde market towne to go home to hys own house. Because he had there no change of clothying, he went forth in hys dyuylls apparell, whych in the way comyng home- ward cam thorow a waren of conys x belongyng to a gentylman of the vyllage, wher he him self dwelt. At which tyme it fortunyd a preste, a vycar of a churche therby, with ii or iii other vnthrifty felows, had brought with them a hors, a hey 2 and a feret to th'entent there to get conys ; and when the feret was in the yerth, and the hey set ouer the pathway where thys John Adroyns shuld come, thys prest and hys other felows saw hym come in the dyuyls ray- ment. Consideryng that they were in the dyuyls seruyce and stelyng of conys and supposyng it had ben the deuyll in dede,[they] for fere,ran away. Thys John Adroyns in the dyuyls rayment, an' because 3 it was somewhat dark, saw not the hay, but went forth in hast and stomblid therat and fell doun, that with the fal he had almost broken his nek. But whan he was a lytyll reuyuyd, he lookyd up and spyed it was a hay to catch conys, and [he] lokyd further and saw that they ran away for fere of him, and saw a horse tyed to a bush laden wyth conys whych (i) A rabbit-warren. (2) Net, Fr. haie. (3) In orig. and because. 1 6 AC. Mery Talys. they had taken ; and he toke the horse am haye and lept upon the horse and rode to the gen- tylmannys place that was lorde of the waren to the entente to haue thank for takynge suche a pray. And whan he came, [he] knokyd at the gatys, to whome anone one of the gentylmanny's seruauntys askyd who was there and sodeinly openyd the gate ; and assone as he percyuyd hym in the deuyls ray- ment, [he] was sodenly abashyd and sparryd the dore agayn, and went in to his mayster and sayd and sware to his mayster, that the dyuell was at the gate and wolde come in. The gentylmaji, heryng him say so, callyd another of his seruauntys and bad him go to the gate to knowe who was there. Thys seconde seruant [that] came to the gate durst not open it but askyd wyth lowd voyce who was there. Thys John Adroyns in the dyuyls aparell answeryd wyth a hye voyce and sayd : tell thy mayster I must nedys speke with hym or x I go. Thys seconde seruaunt heryng 8 lines oj the original are wanting. the deuyll in dede that is at the gate syttynge vpon an horse laden with soules ; and be lykelyhode he (i) i.e. ere, before. A C. Mery Talys. 17 is come for your soule. Purpos ye to let him have your soule and if he had your soule I wene he shulde be gon. The gentylmaxi, than, meruaylously abasshed, called his chaplayne and sayd : let a candell be light, and gette holy water ; and [he] wente to the gate with as manye .swuantes as durste go with him ; where the chaplayne with muche con- iuracyon sayd : in the name of the father, sonne and holy ghost, I commande and charge the in the holy name of God to tell me wherefore thou comeste hyther. 1 This John Adroynes in the deuylls apparell, seying them begynne to coniure after such maner, sayd : nay, feare not me ; for I am a good deuyll ; I am John Adroynes your neyghboure in this towne and he that playde the deuyll to day in the playe. I bryng my mayster a dosen or two of his owne conyes that were stolen in dede and theyr horse and theyr haye, and [I] made them for feare to ronne awaye. Whanne they harde hym thus speke by his voyce, [they] knewe him well, and opened the gate and lette hym come in. And so all the foresayd feare was turned to myrthe and disporte. By this tale ye may se that men feare many tymes more than they nede, whiche hathe caused men to beleue that sperytes and deuyls haue ben sene in dyuers places, whan it hathe ben nothynge so. c 1 8 AC Mery Talys. ^[ Of the ryche man and his two sonnes. iv. IT THERE was a ryche man whiche lay sore sycke in his bedde to deth. Therefore his eldest sonne came to hym, and besechyd him to gyue him hys blessyng, to whome the father sayde : sonne, thou shalt haue Goddes blessyng and myne ; and be- cause thou hast ben euer good of condicyons, I giue and bequethe the all my lande. To whome he answered and sayd : nay father, I truste you shall lyue and occupy them your selfe full well by Goddes grace. Sone after came another sonne to him lyke wyse and desyred his blessyng, to whome the father said : my sonne, thou hast ben euer kynde and gentyll; I gyue the Goddes blessyng and myne ; and I bequethe the all my mouable goodes. To whome he answered and said : nay father, I trust you shall lyue and do well and spende and vse your goodes yourself * * * * 8 Lines wanting. By this tale men may well perceyue that yonge people that ******* theyr frendes counsell in youthe in tymes ***** full ende. A C. Mery Talys. 19 IT Oj the cockolde who gained a ring by his iudgment. v. ^[ Two gentylmen of acquoyntaunce were apoynted to lye with a gentylwoman both in one nyght, the one nat knowynge of the other, at dyuers houres. ^ Thys fyrste at hys houre apoynted came, and in the bedde chanced to lese a rynge. The seconde gentylman, whanne he came to bedde, fortuned to fynde the same rynge, and whan he hadde stayde som tyme departed. And two or thre dayes after, the fyrste gentylmanne saw hys rynge on the others fynger, and chalenged it of hym and he refused it, and badde hym tell where he had loste it : and he sayd: in suche a gentytwcmans bedde. Than quod the other : and there founde I it. And the one gentylman wolde haue it and the other said he shulde nat. Than they agreed to be decyded by the nexte man that they dyd mete. And it fortuned them to mete the husbande of the said gentyll woman and desyred hym of his z'wrt&ment, shewynge hym all the hole mater. Than quod he : by my m&gmente, he /hat ought 1 the shetes shulde haue the rynge. Than quod they : and for your good Judgement you shall haue the rynge. (i) Owned. In North-ward Hoe, 1607, by Decker and Webster, act i. scene i. , the writers have made use of this story. See Webster's Works, edit. Hazlitt, i. 178-9. C 2 20 A C Mery Talys. *fi Of the scoler that gave his shoes to cloute. vi. ^ IN the Uniuersyte of Oxeforde there was a scoler that delyted moche to speke eloquente englyssshe and curious termes, and came to the cobler with his shoes whyche were pyked before (as they used that tyme), to have them clouted, and sayde this wyse : Cobler, I praye the sette two try- angyls and two semycercles vpon my subpedytales, and I shall paye the for thy laboure. The cobeler, because he vnderstoode hym nat halfe, answered shortely and sayd : syr, your eloquence passethr myne mtellygience. But I promyse you, yf he meddyll with me the clowtynge of youre shoon shall cost you thre pens. By this tale men may lerne, that it is foly to study to speke eloquently before them, that be rude and vnlerned. if Of hym that said that a womans tongue was lightest of digestion, vii. II A CERTAYN artificer in London there was, whyche was sore seke and coulde not well dysgest his meat. To whom a physicyon caw to give hym councell, and sayd that he must vse to ete metis that be light of ^-estyon and small byrdys, as sparowes, A C. Mery Talys. 21 swalowes, and specyally that byrd which is called a wagtayle, whose flessh is meruelouse lyght of dygestyon, bycause that byrd is euer mouying and styryng. The sekeman, herynge the phesicion say so, answered hym and seyd : sir, yf that be the cause that those byrdes be lyght of dygestyon, than I know a mete moch lyghter of dygestyon than other 1 sparow swallow or wagtaile, and that is my wyues tong, for it is neuer in rest but euer meuying 2 and sterryng. By this tale ye may lerne a good generall rule of physyke. ^ Of the woman that followed her fourth husbands bere and wept. viii. ^ A WOMAN there was which had had iiii husbandys. It fourtuned also that this fourth husbande dyed and was brought to chyrche vpon the bere ; whom this woman folowed and made great mone, and waxed very sory, in so moche that her neyghbours thought she wolde swown and dye for sorow. Wherfore one of her gosseps cam to her, and spake to her in her ere, and bad her, for Godds sake, comfort her self and refrayne that lamen- tacion, or ellys it wold hurt her and perauenture put her in ieopardy of her life. To whom this (i) either. (2) moving. 22 A C. Mery Talys. woman answeryd and sayd : I wys, good gosyp, I haue grete cause to morne, if ye knew all. For I haue beryed iii husbandes besyde this man ; but I was neuer in the case that I am now. For there was not one of them but when that I folowed the corse to chyrch, yet I was sure of an nother husband, before the corse cam out of my house, and now I am sure of no nother husband; and therfore ye may be sure I haue great cause to be sad and heuy. By thys tale ye may se that the olde prouerbe ys trew, that it is as great pyte to se a woman wepe . as a gose to go barefote. If Of the woman that sayd her woer came too late. ix. ^ ANOTHER woman there was that knelyd at the mas of requiem, whyle the corse of her husbande lay on the bere in the chyrche. To whome a yonge man cam and spake wyth her in her ere, as thoughe it had ben for som mater concernyng the funerallys ; howe be it he spake of no suche matter, but onely wowyd her that he myght be her husbande to whom she answered and sayde thus : syr, by my trouthe I am soiy that ye come so late, for I am sped all redy. For I was made sure yesterday to another man. A C. Mery Tafys. 23 By thys tale ye maye perceyue that women ofte tymes be wyse and lothe to lose any tyme. If Of the mylner with the golden thombe}- x. T A MARCHAUNT that thought to deride a mylner seyd vnto the mylner syttynge amonge company : sir, I haue harde say that euery trew mylner that tollyth trewlye hathe a gylden thombe. The myllner answeryd and sayde it was true. Than quod the marchant : I pray the let me se thy thombe ; and when the mylner shewyd hys thombe the marchant sayd : I can not perceyue that thy thombe is gylt ; but it is as all other mens thombes be. To whome the mylner answered and sayde : syr, treuthe it is that my thombe is gylt ; but ye haue no power to se it : for there is a properte euer incydent vnto it, that he that is a cockolde shall neuer haue power to se it. 2 \ ^ Of the horseman of Irelande that prayde Oconer for to hange up thefrere. xi. ^ ONE whiche was called Oconer, an Yrysshe lorde, toke an horsman prisoner that was one of (1) See Brand's Popular Antiquities, edit. 1849, iii. 387. (2) The reverse of the Somersetshire saying. The proverb is well known : " An honest miller hath a golden thumb ; " but to this the Somersetshire folks add, "none but a cuckold can see it." 24 A C.Mery Tafys., hys great enmys whiche for any request or entrety that the horsman made gaue iugement that he sholde incontynent be hanged, and made a frere to shryue hym and bad hym make hem redy to dye. Thys frere that shroue hym examyned hym of dyuers synnes, and asked him amonge other whiche were the gretteste synnes that euer he dyd. This horsman answered and sayd : one of the greatest actys that euer I dyd whiche I now most repent is that, whan, I toke Oconer the last weke in a chyrche, and there I myght haue brennyd l hym chyrche and all, and because I had conscience 1 and pyte of brennyng of the chyrche, I taryed the tyme so long, that Oconer escaped ; and that same deferrynge of brennynge of the chyrche and so longe taryeng of that tyme is one of the worst actes that euer I dyd wherof I moste 2 repent. This frere perceuynge hym in that mynde sayde : peace in the name of God, and change thy mynde and dye in charite, or els thou shalt neuer come in heuen. Nay, quod the horsman, I wyll neuer chaunge that mynde what so euer shall come to my soule. Thys frere perceyuynge hym thus styl contynew his minde, cam to Oconer and sayde : syr, in the name of God, haue some pyte vppon this mannys sowle, and let hym not dye now, tyl (i) Burned. (2) orig. reads inuste. A C. Mcry Talys. 25 he be in a beter mynde. For yf he dye now, he is so ferre out of cheryte, that vtterly his soule shall be dampned, and [he] shewyd hym what minde he was in and all the hole mater as is before shewyd. Thys horsman, herynge the frere thus intrete for hym, sayd to Oconer thus : Oconer, thou seest well by thys mannys reporte that, yf I dye now, I am out of charyte and not redy to go to heuen ; and so it is that I am now out of charyte in dede ; but thou seest well that this frere is a good man and he is now well dysposed and in charyte and he is redy to go to heuen, and so am not I. Therfore I pray the hang vp this frere, whyle that he is redy to go to heuen and let me tary tyl another tyme, that I may be in charyte and redy and mete to go to heuen Thys Oconer, herying thys mad answere of hym, sparyd the man and forgaue hym hys lyfe at that season. By thys ye may se, that he that is in danger of hys enmye that hath no pite, he can do no beter but shew to hym the vttermost of his malycyous mynde whych that he beryth to ward hym. 26 A C. Mery Talys. ^ Of the preest that sayd nother corpus meus nor corpus meum. xii. ^ THE archdekyn of Essex 1 that had ben longe in auctorite, in a tyme of vysytacyon, whan all the prestys apperyd before hym, called asyde iii. of the yonge prestys which were acusyd that thy could not wel say theyr dyvyne seruyce, and askyd of them when they sayd mas, whether they sayd corpus meus or corpum meum. The fyrst prest sayde that he sayd corpus meus. The second sayd that he sayd corpum meum. And than he asked of the thyrd how he sayde ; whyche answered and sayd thus : syr, because it is so great a dout and dyuers men be in dyuers opynyons : therfore because I wolde be sure I wolde not offende, whan I come to the place I leue it clene out and say nothynge therfore. Wherfore the bysshoppe than openly rebuked them all thre. But dyuers that were present thought more defaut in hym, because he hym selfe beforetyme had admytted them to be prestys. By this tale ye may se that one ought to take hede how he rebukyth an other lest it torne moste to his owne rebuke. (i) Richard Rawson was Archdeacon of Essex from 1503 to 1543, and was perhaps the person here intended. See Le Neve's Fasti, ed. Hardy, ii. 336. A C. Mery Talys. 27 ^ Of two freres whereof the one loued nat the ele heed nor the other the tayle. xiii. "f Two freres satte at a gentylmans tabyll, whiche had before hym on a fastyng day an ele and cut the hed of the ele and layd it vpon one of the frerys trenchars ; but the frere, bycause he wold haue had of the middle parte of the ele, sayd to the gentylman he louyd no ele hedes. Thys gentylman also cut the tayle of the ele, and layde it on the other frerys trenchar. He lyke wyse, because he wolde haue had of the myddle parte of the ele, sayde he loued no ele tayles. This gentylman, perceuynge that, gaue the tayle to hym that sayd he louyd not the hed, and gaue the hed to hym that sayd he loued not the tayle. And as fore the myddell part of the ele, he etc parte hym selfe and parte he gaue to other folke at the table ; wherfore these freres for anger wolde ete neuer a morsell, and so they for al theyr craft and subtylte were not only deceyued of the best morsell of the ele, but thereof had no parte at all. By this ye se that they that couet the best parte somtyme therfore iese the meane parte and all. 28 A C. Mery Talys. t Of the welche man that shroue hym for brekynge of hysfaste on the fry day. xiv. ^ A WELCHEMAN, dwellynge in a wylde place of Walys, cam to hys curate in the tyme of Lente and was confessyd ; and when hys confessyon was in maner at the end, the curate askyd hym, and * he had any other thyng to say that greuyd his con- science. Which sore abasshid answered no worde a great whyle ; at last by exhortacyon of his goostly fader he sayde that there was one thyng in his mynde that greatly greued his conscyence, which he was asshamed to vtter : for it was so greuous that he trowed God wold neuer forgyue hym. To whom the curate answerd and sayd, that Goddes mercy was aboue all, and bad hym not dyspayre in the mercy of God. For what so euer it was, yf he were repentant, that God wolde forgyue hym. IT And so by longe exortacyon at the last he shewyd it and seyde thus. Syr, it happenyd ones that, as my wyfe was makynge a chese vpon a Fry day, I wolde fayne haue sayed whether it had ben salt or fresshe, and toke a lytyll of the whey in my hande, and put it in my mouthe ; and or 2 I was ware, parte of it went (i) if. (2) before. A C. Mery Talys. 29 downe my throte agaynst my wyll and so I brake my faste. To whom the curate sayde : and if there be non other thynge, I warant God shall forgyue the. So whan he had well comforted hym with the mercy of God, the curate prayed hym to answere a questyon and to tell hym trueth ; and when the welchman had promysed to tell the truth, the curate sayd that there were robberyes and murders done nye the place where he dwelte and diuers men found slayn ; and asked hym whether he knew ought poyntynge 1 to any of them To whom he answeryd and sayd yes and sayd he had ben priuye to many of them, and dyd helpe to robe and to slee dyuers of them. Then the curate asked hym, why he dyd not con- ffesse hym therof. The Welshman answeryd and sayde he toke that for no synne : for it was a custome amongest them that, whan any boty cam of any ryche merchant rydyng, that it was but a trewe neyboure dede one to help another when one callyd another ; and so they held it but for good felowshyp and neyghbourhood. Here maye ye se that some haue remorse of conscyence of small venyall sinnis and fere not to do gret offencys without shame of the worled 2 (i) appertaining or relevant. (2) World. 3O AC. Mery Talys. or drede of God; and, as the comon prouerbe is, they stumble at a strawe and lepe ouer a blocke. If Of the merchaunte of London that dyd put nobles in his mouthe in hys dethe bedde. xv. If A RYCHE couetous marchant there was that dwellid in London, which euer gaderyd mony and could neuer fynd in hys hert to spend ought vpon hym selfe nor vpon no man els. Whiche fell sore syke, and as he laye on hys deth bed had his purs lyenge at his beddys hede, and [he] had suche a loue to his money that he put his hande in his purs, and toke out therof x or xii li. in nobles and put them in his mouth. And because his wyfe and other perceyued hym very syke and lyke to dye, they exortyd hym to be confessyd, and brought the curate vnto hym. Which when they had caused him to say Benedicite, the curate bad hym crye God mercy and shewe to hym his synnes. Than this seyck man began to sey : I crey God mercy I haue offendyd in the vii dedly synnes and broken the x commaundementes ; but J because of the gold in his mouth he muffled so in his speche, that the curate could not well vnder- (i) Orig. reads and; but seems to be required. A C. Mery Talys. 31 stande hym : wherfore the curat askyd hym, what he had in his mouthe that letted his spech. I wys, mayster parsone, quod the syke man, muffelynge, I haue nothyng in my mouthe but a lyttle money ; bycause I wot not whither 1 I shal go, I thought I wold take some spendynge money with me : for I wot not what nede I shall haue therof; and incontynent after that sayeng dyed, before he was confessyd or repentant that any man coulde per- ceyue, and so by lyklyhod went to the deuyll. By this tale ye may se, that they that all theyr lyues wyll neuer do charyte to theyr neghbours, that God in tyme of theyr dethe wyll not suffre them to haue grace of repentaunce. ^ Of the mylner that stale the nuttes of the tayler that stale a shepe. xvi. If THERE was a certayne ryche husbandman in a vyllage, whiche louyd nuttes meruelously well and sette trees of fylberdes and other nutte trees in his orcharde, and norysshed them well all his lyfe ; and when he dyed he made his executours to make promyse to bery with him in his graue a bagge of nuttes, or els they sholde not be his (i) Orig. reads whether. 32 AC. Mery Talys. executours ; which executours, for fere of lesynge of theyre romes x fulfylled his mynde and dyd so. It happenyd that, the same nyghte after that he was beryed, there was a mylner in a whyte cote cam to this mannes garden to the entent to stele a bagge of nuttes ; and in the way he met wyth a tayler in a black cote, an vnthrift of hys acquayn- tance, and shewyd hym hys intent. This tayler lykewyse shewyd hym, that he intendyd the same tyme to stele a shepe ; and so they bothe there agred to go forwarde euery man seuerally wyth hys purpose ; and after that they apoynted to make god chere eche wyth other and to mete agayn in the chyrch porch, and he that cam fyrste to tarye for the other. This mylner, when he had spede of hys nuttys, came furst to the chyrch porch, and there taryed for his felow, and the mene whyle satte styll there and knakked nuttes. It fortuned than the sexten of the church, because yt was was about ix of the cloke, cam to ryng curfue ; and whan he lokyd in the porche and sawe one all in whyte knakkynge nuttes he had wente z it had bene the dede man rysyn owt of hys graue, (1) Places or appointments. This is one of the best stories of the kind in the present or any other collection, in our own or other languages. The construction is excellent. (2) Weened (guessed). A C. Mery Talys. 33 knakkynge the nuttes that were beryed wyth hym, and ran home agayne in all hast and tolde to a krepyll that was in his house what he had sene. Thys crepyll, thus herynge hym, rebuked the sexten and sayd that yf he were able to go he wolde go thyder and coniure the spyryte. By my trouthe, quod the sexten, and yf thou darest do that, I wyll bere the on my neck; and so they both agreed. The sexten toke the creple on his nek, and cam in to the chyrchyarde again, and the mylner in the porch seeing 1 one comynge beryng a thynge on his necke had went 2 it had ben the tayler comynge with the shepe, and rose vp to mete them. And as he cam towarde them, he askyd and sayd : is he fat, is he fat 1 The sexten, heryng hym sey so, for fere cast the crepull down and sayd : fatte or lene, take hym as he is ; and ranne awaye ; and the creple by myracle was made hole, and ran away as fast as he or faster. Thys mylner perceyuyng that they were two, and that one ran after an other, thoughte that one had spyed the tayler stelyng the shepe, and that he had ron after hym to haue taken hym; and fearyng that one had spyed hym also stelynge the nuttes, he for feare lefte hys nuttes behynd him ; and as secretly as he cowde ran home to hys myll. And anon (i) Orig. reads saw. (2} Weened. 34 A C. Mery Talys. after that he was gone, the tayler cam wyth the stolen shepe vppon hys necke to the chyrche to seke the mylner; and whan he fownde there the nutte shalys, 1 he supposyd that his felow had ben ther and gone home, as he was in dede ; wherfore he toke vp the shepe agayne on his necke, [and] went towarde the myll. But yet durynge this while, the sexten which ranne away went not to hys owne house, but went to the parysh prestys chamber, and shewyd hym how the spyryt of the man was rysen out of hys graue knacking nuttes, as ye haue hard before : wherfore the prest sayd that he wolde go coniure hym, yf the sexten wolde go wyth hym ; and so they bothe agreed. The prest dyd on hys surples and a stole about hys necke, and toke holy water wyth hym, and cam wyth the sexten toward the church; and as sone as he entred in the chyrche yard, the talyer wyth the whyte shepe on hys neck intendyng, as I before haue shewyd yow, to go downe to the myll, met with them, and had went that the prest in his surples had ben the mylner in his whyte cote, and seyd to hym : by God ! I haue hym, I haue hym ! meanynge thereby 2 the shepe that he had stolen. The prest, perceyuynge the tayller all in blake and a whyte thynge on hys nek, had went it had ben (r) Shells. (2) In Orig. by. A C. Mery Talys. 35 the deuyll beryng away the spyryte of the dede man that was beryed, and ran away as fast as he coude, takyng the way down towarde the myl, and the sexten ronnyng after hym. Thys tayler, seying one folowyng hym, had went that one had folowed the mylner to haue done hym som hurt, and thought he wold folow, if nede were to help the milner ; and went forth, tyl he cam to the mill and knocked at the myll dore. The mylner beynge wythin asked who was there. The tayler answeryd and sayd : by God ! I haue caught one of them, and made hym sure and tyed hym fast by the legges. But the mylner, heryng him sey that he had hym tyed fast by the legges, had went it had ben the constable, that had taken the tayler for stelyng of the shepe, and had tyed hym by the legges ; and ferid that he had come to haue taken hym also for stelynge of the nuttes : wher- fore the mylner opened a bak dore, and ran away as fast as he could. The tayler, herynge the backe dore openynge, wente on the other syde of the myll, and there saw the mylner ronnyng away, and stode ther a lytyll whyle musyng wyth the shepe on his necke. Then was the parysshe preest and the sexten standynge there vnder the mylhouse hydyng them for fere, and seeing 1 the (i) Ong. reads saw. D 2 36 AC. Mery Talys. tayler agayn with the shepe on hys nek, had wende styll it had ben the deuyll wyth the spyryt of the dede man on 1 hys nek, and for fere ran awaye ; but because they knew not the grounde well, the preste lepte into a dyche almoste ouer the hed lyke to be drownyde, that he cryed wyth a loude voyce : help, helpe ! Than the tayler lokyd about, and seeing 2 the mylner ronne away and the sexten a nother way, and hearing 8 the preste creye helpe, had went it had ben the constable wyth a great company cryeng for helpe to take him and to bring hym to pryson for stelyng of the shepe > wherfore he threwe down the shepe and ran away another way as fast as he coud ; and so euery man was aiferd of other wythout cause. By thys ye may se well, it is foly for any man to fere a thyng to moche, tyll that he se some profe or cause. ^ Of the foure elementes where they shoulde sone be founde. xvii. ^ IN the old world when all thyng could speke, the iiii elementys 4 mette to geder for many thynges whych they had to do, because they must meddell alway one wyth a nother, and had communicacion (i) Orig. reads of. (2) The Orig. saw. (3) Orig. hard, i. e. heard. (4) There is perhaps an allusion here to the Interlude of the Four Elements, supposed to have been printed about 1510 by John Rastell. A C. Mery Talys. 37 to gyder of dyuers maters ; and by cause they coulde not conclude all theyr maters at that season, they appoyntyd to breke communicacion for that tyme and to mete agayne another tyme. Therfore eche one of them shewed to other where theyr most abydyng was and where theyr felows shoulde fynde them, yf nede shuld requyre ; and fyrste the erthe sayde : bretherne, ye knowe well as for me I am permanent alway and not remouable : therfore ye may be sure to haue me alway whan ye lyste. The wather sayde : yf ye lyst to seke me, ye shall be sure to haue me under a toft of grene rushes or elles in a womans eye. The wynde sayde : yf ye lyst to speke wyth me, ye shall be sure to haue me among aspyn leuys or els in a womans tong. Then quod the fyre : yf any of you lyst to seke me, ye shall euer be sure to fynd me in a flynt stone or elles in a womans harte. By thys tale ye may lerne as well the properte of the iiii elementys as the properteis 1 of a woman. ^ Of the woman that poured the potage in the iudges male, xviii. IT THERE was a iustyce but late in the reame of England callyd master Vavesour, 2 a uery homely man and rude of condycyons, and louyd neuer to spend mych money. Thys master Vauysour rode (x) orig. reads proprete is. (2) Vide infra. " i t > 38 AC Mery Talys. on a tyme in hys cyrcuyte in the northe contrey, where he had agreed wyth the sheryf for a certain some of money for hys charges thorowe the shyre, so that at euery inne and lodgynge this master Vauysour payd for hys owne costys. It fortunyd so, that when he cam to a certayn lodgyng he comaunded one Turpyn hys seruant to se that he used good husbondry 1 and to saue suche thynges as were left and to cary it wyth hym to serue hym at the nexte baytynge. Thys Turpyn, doyng hys maystres commandement, toke the broken bred, broken mete and all such thyng that was left, and put it in hys maysters cloth sak. The wyfe of the hous, perceyuing that he toke all suche fragmentys and vytayle wyth hym that was left, and put it in the cloth sake, she brought vp the podage that was left in the pot ; and when Turpyn had torned hys bake a lytyl asyde, she pouryd the podage in to the cloth sake, whych ran vpon hys robe of skarlet and other of hys garmentys and rayed 2 them very euyll, that they were mych hurt therwyth. Thys Turpyn, sodeynly turnyng 3 hym and seeing 4 it, reuyled the wyfe therfore, and ran to hys mayster (1) Economy. (2) Defiled, from Fr. rayer, to shine and give light, as the rays of the sun, and thence to streak with lines of dirt, and so to soil. The word is not common. See Nares art ray (edit. 1859), and Cotgrave art rayer (edit. 1650.) (3) orig. reads turnyd. (4) orig. reads saw. A C. Mery Talys. 39 and told hym what she had don : wherfore master Vauesour incontinent callyd the wyf and seyd to her thus : thou drab, quod he, what hast thow don 1 ? why hast thou pourd the podage in my cloth sake and marrd my rayment and gere 1 O, syr, quod the wyfe, I know wel ye ar a iudge of the realme, and I perceyue by you your mind is to do 'ryght and to haue that is your owen ; and your mynd is to haue all thyng wyth you that ye haue payd for, both broken mete and other thynges that is left, and so it is reson that ye haue ; and therfore be cause your seruant hath taken the broken mete and put it in your cloth sak, I haue therin put the potage that be left, because ye haue wel and truly payed for them. Yf I shoulde kepe ony thynge from you that ye haue payed for, par- aduenture ye wold troble me in the law a nother tyme. Here ye may se, that he that playth the nygarde to mych, som tyme it torneth hym to hys owne losse. If Of the wedded men that came to heuen to clay me theyr herytage. xix. ^ A CERTAYN weddyd man there was whyche, whan he was dede, cam to heuen gates to seynt Peter, and sayd he cam to clayme hys bad heretage whyche he had deseruyd. Saynt Peter askyd hym 40 A C. Mery Talys. what he was, and he sayd a weddyd man. Anon Saynt Peter openyd the gatys, and bad hym to com in, and sayde he was worthye to haue hys herytage, bycause he had had much troble and was worthye to haue a crowne of glory. Anon after there cam a nother man that claymyd heuen, and sayd to Seynt Peter he had hade ii wyues, to whom Saynt Peter answered and said : come in, for thou art worthy to haue a doble crown of glory : for thou hast had doble trouble. At the last there cam the thyrd, claymynge hys herytage and sayde to Saynt Peter that he had had iii wyue_s, and desyryd to come in. What ! quod Saynt Peter, thou hast ben ones in troble and thereof delyueryd, and than wyllingly woldyst be troblyd again, and yet agayne therof delyueryd ; and for all that coulde not beware the thyrde tyme, but enterest wyllyngly in troble agayn : therfore go thy waye to Hell : for thou shalt neuer come in heuen : for thou art not worthy. Thys tale is a warnyng to them that haue bene twyse in paryll to beware how they come therm the thyrd tyme ^ Of the merchaunte that charged his sonne to fynde one to syngefor hys soule. xx. ^ A RYCHE marchant of London here was, that had one sonne that was somewhat vnthryfty. Ther- A C. Mery Talys. 41 hys fader vppon hys deth bed called hym to nym, and sayde he knew well that he had ben vnthryfty ; how be it, yf he knew he wold amend hys condycyons he wolde make hym hys executour and leue hym hys goods, so that he wolde promyse hym to pray for hys soule and so fynde one dayly to syng for hym : which thyng to performe hys sonne there made a faythfull promyse. After that this man made hym hys executour, and dyed. But after that hys sonne kept such ryot, that in short tyme he had wasted and spente all, and had nothynge left but a henne and a cocke that was his fader's. It fortunyd than that one of hys frendys came to hym, and sayd he was sory that he had wasted so moch, and askyd hym how he wolde performe hys promyse made to hys fader that he wolde kepe one to syng for hym. Thys yong man answered and sayde : by God ! yet I wyll performe my promyse : for I wyll kepe this same cocke alyue styl, and he wyl krow euery day, and so he shall synge euery day for my faders soule; and so I wyl performe my promyse wel ynough. By thys ye maye se, that it is wysdome for a man to do good dedys hym selfe, whyle he is here, and not to trust to the prayer and promyse of hys executours. 42 A C. Mery Talys. Tf Of the mayde wasshynge clothes that answered the frere. xxi. If THERE was a mayde stode by a reuers syde in her smoke, 1 wasshynge clothes, and as she stouped ofttymes, her smocke cleued betune her buttockkes. By whome there cam a frere, seynge 2 her and sayde in sporte : mayde, mayde, take hede : for Bayarde bytes on the brydell. 3 Nay, wys [I], master frere, quod the mayden, he doth but wype hys mouthe, and wenyth ye wyll come and kysse hym. By thys ye may se that womans answer is neuer to seke. If Of the thre wyse men of Gotam. xxii. If A CERTAYN man there was dwellynge in a towne called Gotam that went to a fayre iii myle for to bye shepe ; and as he cam ouer a bryge he met with one of hys neyghbours and told hym whether 4 he went, and askyd hym whych way he wold bryng them. Whyche sayd he wolde brynge them ouer the same bryge. Nay, quod the other man, but thou shalt not, by God ! quod 4 lines of the original are wanting. (i) Smock. (2) i.e. who saw her. (3) An unregistered proverb, perhaps. The meaning is tolerably clear. See Tarlton's Newes Out of Purgatorie (1590), edit. Halliwell, p. 93. (4) Whither. A C. Mery Talys. 43 Presently there came a milter, who bore a sack of 1 mele vpon a horse, a neybour of theyrs, and paciently askyd them what was the cause of theyr varyaunce ; which than shewyd to hym the mater and cause, as ye haue harde. Thys thyrde man, the mylner, beganne for to rebuke them by a famylyer example, and toke his sacke of mele from his horse backe and openyd it, and pouryd all the mele in the sacke ouer the brydge into the ronnynge ryuer ; wherby all the mele was lost, and sayde thus : by my trouthe, neybours, because ye stryue for dryuynge ouer the brydge those shepe which be not yet boughte, nor wotte not where they be, me thynketh therfore there is euen as moche wytte in your hedes as there is mele now in my sacke. Thys tale shewyth you, that som man takyth upon him for to teche other men wysdome, when he is but a fole hymselfe. ^ Of the graye frere that answered his penytente. xxiii. ^ A MAN there was that cam to confesse hym to a prest and tolde hym, . that he had layne with a (i) I am myself responsible for these few words in italic, which I have supplied from conjecture. 44 AC. Mery Talys. yonge gentyll woman. The prest then asked hym in what place ; and he sayde it was in * * * all nyght longe in a soft warme bed. The frere herynge that * * * thys and sayd : Now, by swete seynt Francys, then, wast thou very 1 ^ Of the gentylman that bare the sege borde on hys necke. xxiv. IT A CHANDELER beynge a wydower, dwellynge at Holborne, neere London, had a fayr doughter whom a yonge gentelman of Dauys Ynne 2 woyd 3 sore to haue hys pleasure of her, whyche by longe sute to her made, at the last graunted hym, and poynted hym to com upon a nyghte to her faders hous in the euenynge, and she wold conuey hym into her chamber secretly, which was an inner chamber within her faders chamber. So accordynge to the poyntment all thynge was performed, so that he lay wyth her all nyght, and made good chere tell about foure a clocke in the mornynge, at whyche tyme it fortunyd this yonge gentylman fell a cough- ynge, whych cam vpon hym so sore that he could (1) Perhaps this story, of which we have here a fragment only, was similar to the one narrated a little farther on. See Tale 57. (2) Thavies Inn, near St. Andrew's Church, in Holborn. (3) Wooed. A C. Mcry Talys. 45 not refrayn. Thys wench, than faring her fader that lay in the next chamber, bad hym go put hys hede in the draught, lest that her fader shold here hym : whych after her councel rose in his shyrte, and so dyd. But than because of the sauour of the draught it causyd hym to coughe moche more and louder, that the wenchys fader herde it, and askyd of hys daughter what man it was that coughed in her chamber. She answered and said : no body. But euer this yong man coughed styll more and more, whom the fader herynge sayd : by Goddes body ! hore, thou lyest ; I wyll se who is there ; and rose out of his bedde. Thys wenche per- ceyued her fader rysinge, [and] cam to the gentyl- man and sayde : take hede syr to your selfe : for my fader comyth. This gentylman, sodeynly ther- wyth abasshyd, wolde haue pullyd his hede oute of the draughte hole, which was [so] very streyghte for hys hede that he pullyd the sege borde vp therwyth, and, [it] hangyng about his neck, ran vpon the fader beynge an olde man, and *gaue hym a great fall and bare him to the ground. 8 lines wanting. there was two or thre skyttysh horses whych, when they se this gentylman ronnyng, start[ed] asyde and threwe downe the cart wyth colys, and drew backe 46 A C. Mery Talys. and brake the carte rope, wherby the colys fell out, some in one place and some in another ; and after the horses brake theyr tracys and ranne, some towarde Smythfelde and som toward Newgate. The colyar 1 ran after them, and was an houre and more, or 2 euer he coulde gette his horses to gyder agayne ; by which tyme the people of the strete were rysen and cam to the place, and saw yt strawyn with colys. Euery one for hys parte gaderyd vp the colys, tyll the most parte of the colys were gone, or the colyar had got his horses agayne. Duryng thys whyle the gentylman went thrugh Seynt Andrews Chyrch Yarde towarde Dauys Inne, and there met with the sexten commynge to attend to ring the bell for morow mas : whych, whan he saw the gentylman in the Chyrche Yarde in hys shyrt wyth the draught borde 3 about his neck, had wend 4 it had ben a spryt, and nied : alas, alas, a spryt ! and ran back again to his house almost atte b * * for fere was almoste out of his wytte that he was the worse a long tyme #/ter. This gentilman, than, because dauys inne gatys were not open, ranne to the &zcksyde and lept ouer the garden wal; but, in lepyng, the draught-bord so troubled hym, that he fell downe into the gardyn and had almoste (i) orig. reads that the colyar. (2) before. (3) the seat of the commode. (4) weened. A C. Mety Talys. 47 broken his necke ; and ther he lay styll, tyll that the pryncypall cam into the garden; which, wan he saw hym lye there, had wente some man had ben slayne and there caste ouer the wall, and durst not come nye him, tyll he had callyd vp hys com- panye which, when many of the gentylmen 1 wer com to gether loked well vppon hym, and knewe hym, and after releuyd hym ; but the borde that was about hys necke caused his hed so to swell, that they coulde not gette it of, tyll they were mynded to cutte it of with hatchettys. Thus was the wenche well iaped, 2 and for fere she ranne from her fader ; her faders arme was hurte ; the colyar lost his coles ; the sexton was almost out of hys wyt ; and the gentylman had almost broke his necke. H Of the merchant wyfe that sayd she wolde take a nap at sermon, xxv. ^ A MARCHANTYS wyfe there was in Bowe parysh in London, somewhat slepte in age, to whom her mayde cam on a Sonday in Lente after dyner and sayde : maystres, quod she, they rynge at Saynte Thomas of Acres, for there shall be a sermon (1) orig. reads gentylman. (2) mocked, made a jest of. See Nares (edit 1859) in voce. 48 A C. Mery Talys. prechyd anon ; to whome the mastres answered and sayde : mary ! Goddys blessynge haue thy harte for warnynge me thereof; and because I slepte not well all this nyght, I pray the brynge my stole with me : for I wyll go thyder to loke, whether I can take a nappe there, whyle the preest is prechynge. By this ye may se, that many one goth to chyrch as moch for other thynges as for deuocyon. ^ Of the woman that said and she lyued another yere she wolde haue a cockoldes hatte of Her owne. xxvi. Of the above tale but a few words remain in the fragment, ^ Of the gentylman that wysshed his tothe in the gentylwomans tayle. xxvii. ^ A GENTYLMAN and gentylwoman ' satte to gyder talkyng, which gentylman had great pain in one of his tethe, and hapnyd to say to the gentylwom&n thus : I wys, maystres, I haue a tothe in my hede which greuyth me wery sore : wherfore I wold it were in your tayl. She, heryng him say t/iis, wtsweryd thus : in good fayth, syr, yf your tothe were in my tayle it coulde do it but lytle good ; A C. Mery Talys. 49 but yf there be any thynge in my tayle that can do your tothe good, I wolde it were in your tothe. By this ye may se that a womans answere is seldome to seke. 1 ^ Of the Welcheman that confessyd hym howe he had slayne afrere. xxviii. ^ IN the tyme of Lente, a Welcheman cam to be confessyd of his curate; whych in his confessyon sayde that he had kylled a frere ; to whome the curate sayd he coulde nat assoyle hym. Yes, quod the Welchman, yf thou knewest all, thou woldest assoyle me well ynoughe ; and when the curate had commandyd hym to shew hym all the case, he sayd thus : mary, there were ii freres ; and I myght haue slayn them bothe, yf I had lyst ; but I let the one scape : therfore mayster curate set the tone agaynst the tother, and than the offence is not so great but ye may assoyle me well ynoughe. By this ye may se, that dyuers men haue so euyll and larg conscyence that they thynke, yf they do one good dede or refrayn from doynge of one euyll synne, that yt ys satysfaccyon for other synnes and ofencys. (i) This moral is also attached to Tales 21, 44, and 56, in all which cases the lady's rejoinder is not less opposed to modern notions of female delicacy. E 5 to her husbande : than eate you the candell : for you sware fyrste. By this a man may se, that a womans answer is neuer to seke. H Of the man of lawes sonnes answer. Ivii. If A WOMAN demaunded a questyon of a little chylde, sonne unto a man of lawe, of what crafte his father was ; whiche chylde sayde, his father was a craftye man of lawe. By this tale a man may perceyue, that somtyme peraduenture yonge Innocentes speke truely vn- aduysed. A C. Mery Talys. 85 If Of thefrere in the pulpet that bad the woman leue her babelynge. Iviii. ^ IN a certayne parrysshe churche in London, after the olde laudable and accustomed maner, there was a frere Mynor, all thoughe he were nat the best clerke nor coulde nat make the best ser- mondes, yet by the lycence of the curate he there prechyd to the Parysshons. Among the whyche audyence there was a wyfe at that tyme lytell dis- posed to contemplacyon, [who] talked wyth a gossype of hers of other femenyne tales so loude that the frere harde and somwhat was perturbed therwith. To whome therfore openly the frere spake and sayd : thou woman there in the tawny gowne, holde thy peace and leaue thy babelynge ; thou troublest the worde of God. This woman therwith sodenly abasshed, because the frere spake to her so openly, that all the people her behelde, answered shortly and said : I beshrowe his harte that babeleth more of us two. At the which seyng the people dyd laughe, because they felte but lytell frute in hys sermonde. By this tale a man may lerne to beware howe he openly rebuketh any other, and in what audyence, lest it come to his owne reprofe. 86 A C. Mery Talys. ^ Of the Welchman that cast the Scotte into the see. ' lix. 5 first lines wanting. they toke many great interpryses and many shyppes and many prisoners of other realmes that were theyr enemyes. Amonge the whiche they hap- pened on a season to take a Scottes shype ; and dyuers Scottes they slewe and toke prisoners*, amonge whome there was a Welcheman that had one of the Scottes prysoners, and bad him that he shulde do of his harneys, whiche to do the Scotte was very lothe ; howe be it for feare at the laste he pulled it of with an euyll wyll, and sayd to the Welcheman : and if thou wylte nedes haue my harneys, take it there, and cast it ouer the borde into the see. The Welcheman, seynge that, sayd : by Cottes blud and her nayle, 1 I shall make her fette 2 it agayne ; and toke him by the legges, and caste hym after ouer the borde into the see. By this tale a man may lerne, that he that is subiecte to another, ought to forsake his owne wyll and folowe his wyll and comaundement that so hathe subieccyon ouer him, leste it turne to his great hurte and damage. (i) i. e. By God's blood and His nail. (2) Fetch. A C. Mery Talys. 87 ^ Of the man that had the dome wyfe. Ix. ^ THERE was a man that maryed a woman whiche had great ryches and beautie ; howe be it she had suche an impedyment of nature, that she was domme and coulde nat speke. Whiche thinge made him to be ryght pensyfe and sadde ; wher- fore, vpon a day as he walked alone ryght heuy in harte, thynkynge vpon his wyfe, there came one to him and asked hym, what was the cause of his heuynesse ; whiche answered that it was onely because his wife was borne domme. To whome this other sayde : I shall shewe the sone a remedye and a medecyne therfore, that is thus : go take an aspen lefe and laye it vnder her tonge this nyght, she beynge a slepe ; and I warante the that she shall speke on the morowe. Whiche man, beynge glad of this medycyne, prepared therfore and gathered aspyn leaues ; wherfore he layde thre of them vnder her tonge, whan she was a slepe. And on the morowe whan he hymselfe awaked, he, de- syrous to knowe howe his medecyne wrought, beynge in bedde with her, he demaunded of her howe she dyd ; and sodenly she answered and sayd : I beshrowe your harte for wakenynge me so erly; and so by the virtue of that medycyne she 88 A C. Mery Talys. was restored to her speche. But in conclusyon her speche so encreased day by day, and she was so curste of condycyon, that euery daye she brauled and chydde with her husbande so moche, that at the laste he was more vexed, and hadde moche more trouble and disease with her shrewde wordes, than he hadde before whan she was dome. Wher- fore, as he walked another tyme abrode, he hap- pened to meate agayne with the same persone that taughte hym howe to make his wyfe speke * 2 or 3 lines wanting. and more wery of her nowe than I was before, whan she was domme ; wherfore I praye you teche me a medycyne to modefye her, that she speke nat so moche. This other answered and sayd thus : syr, I am a deuyll of hell ; but I am one of them that haue leste power there. All be it yet I haue power to make a woman to speke, but and if a woman begyn ones to speke, I, nor all the deuyls in hell that haue the more power, be nat able to make a woman to be styll, nor to cause her to leaue her spekynge. By thys tale ye may note, that a man ofte tymes desyreth and coueteth moche that thynge, that ofte turneth to his displeasure. (i) These words in Italics I have supplied from conjecture. They are not in orig. or in Singer. A C. Mcry Talys. 89 ^ Of the Proctour of Arches that had the lytel wyfe. Ixi. ^ ONE askyd a Proctour of the Arches, lately before maryed, why he chose so lytel a wyfe ; whiche answered : because he had a texte sayenge thus : ex duobus mails minus x est eliendum, that is to saye in englyshe, amonge euyll thinges the leste is to be chosen. ^ Of it nonnes that were shryuen of one preste. Ixii. H IN the tyme of Lente there came two nonnes to saynte Johnns in London bycause of the great pardon, there to be confessed. Of the whyche nonnes, the one was a young lady and the other was olde. This yonge lady chose fyrst her c fessour, and confessed her that she hadde syn in lechery. The confessour asked, with whomc it was ; she sayd it was with a lustye gallante. demaunded where it was ; she sayd : in a plesai grene herber. He asked further : whan it A She sayd : in the mery moneth of Maye. Tuan sayd the confessour this wyse : a fayre yonge lady, with a lusty galante, in a plesaunte herber, and in (i) orig. reads : ex duobus malis minus malts. 90 AC. Mery Talys. the mery moneth of Maye ! Ye dyd but your kynde ! Nowe, by my truthe, God forgyue you, and I do ; and so she departed. And incontynent the olde nonne mette with her, askynge her howe she lyked her confessour ; whiche sayd he was the best gostly father that euer she hadde and the most easyest in penaunce-geuyng. For comfort wherof this other nonne went to the same con- fessour and shroue her lykewyse, that she had synned in lechery. And he demaunded with" whome. Whiche sayde : with an old frere. He asked where. She said : in her olde cloyster. He asked : what season. She sayde ; in Lente. Than the confessour sayd : an old , to lye with an old frere, in her olde cloyster, and in the holy tyme of Lente ! by cockes body, 1 if God forgyue the, yet wyll I neuer forgyue the. Which wordes caused her to departe all sadde and sore abasshed. By this tale men may lerne, that a vicyous acte is more abhomynable in one person than in another, in one season than in another, and in one place than in an other. 2 (i) By God's body. {2} If meant as quiet irony, this moral is admirable. A C. Mery Talys. 91 11 Of the esquyer that sholde haue ben made knyght. Ixiii. 4 lines of tlie original are -wanting. and the trumpettes began to blowe, a yonge squyer of Englande rydynge on a lusty courser of whych horse the noyse of the trumpettes so prycked the corage, that the squyer could nat him retayne ; so that agaynste his wyll he ranne vpon hys enemyes. Whyche squyer, seynge none other remedy, sette his spere in the rest and rode throughe the thyckest of hys enemyes, and in conclusyon had good fortune, and saued hym selfe alyue without hurte ; and the Englysshe hooste folowed and had the victorye. And after, whan the felde was wonne, this kynge Edwarde called the squyre and badde hym knele down, and he wolde make hym knyght, because he valyauntely was the man that day, which with the moost couragyous stomake aduentured fyrste vpon theyr enemyes. To \vhome the squyer thus answered : if it lyke your grace to make any- one knyghte therfore, I beseche you to make my horse knyght, and nat me: for certes it was his dede, and nat myne, and full sore agaynst my wyll. Whiche answere the kynge herynge refrayned to 92 A C. Mery Talys. promote hyin to the order of knyghthode, re- putynge hym in maner but for a cowarde; and euer after fauored hym the lesse therfore. By this tale a man may lerne, howe it is wyse- dome when he is in good credence to kepe hym- [self] therein, and in no wyse to dysable 1 hym selfe to moche.. ^ Of him that wolde gette the maystrye of his wyfe. . Ixiv. ^ A YONGE man, late maryed to a wyfe, thought it was good polecye to gette the maystrye of her in the begynnynge, came to her, the potte sethynge ouer the fyre, all thoughe the meate therein were nat ynoughe soden [and] commaunded 2 her to take the potte fro the fyre ; whiche answered and said that the meate was nat redy to eate. And he said agayne : I wyll haue it taken of for my pleasure. This good woman, lothe yet to ofFende hym, sette the potte besyde the fyre, as he badde. And anone after he commaunded her to sette the potte behynde the dore, and she said agayne : ye be nat wyse therin. But he precysely said, it shuld be so, as he bad. And she gentylly againe dyd (1) disparage. (2) orig. is here apparently very corrupt ; it reads : " all thoughe the meat therein were nat ynoughe, sodenfye commaunded," &c. A C. Mery Talys. 93 his commaundement. This man, yet nat satisfyed, comaunded her to set the pot a-hygh vpon the henne roste. What ! quod the wyfe, I trowe ye be madde. And he fyerslye than comaunded her to sette it there, or els he sayd she shulde repente it. She, somwhat afrayde to moue his pacyence, toke a ladder, and sette it to the rost 1 and wente her selfe vp the ladder, and toke the potte in her hande, prayeng her husbande than to holde the ladder faste for [fear of] slydynge ; whiche so dyd. And whan the husbande loked up, and sawe the potte stande there on hyght, he sayd thus : Lo ! nowe standeth the potte there, as I wolde haue it. This wyfe hearynge 4 lines -wanting ^ Of the penytent that sayd the shepe of God haue mercy upon me. Ixv. Tf A CERTAYNE confessour, in the holy tyme of Lente, enioyned his penytente to saye dayly for his penaunce this prayer : Agnus Dei miserere mei, whiche was as moche to saye in englysshe as the Lambe of God haue mercye vpon me. This peny- tente acceptynge his penaunce departed, and that tyme twelfe monthe after came agayne to be con- fessed of the same confessoure, whiche demaunded (i) planted it against the roost. 94 -A C. Mery Talys. of him whether he had fulfilled his penaunce that he hym enioyned the laste yeare. Than he sayde thus : ye, syr, I thanke God I haue fulfylled it. For I haue sayd thus to daye in the mornynge and so dayly : the shepe of God haue mercy vpon me. To whome the confessour said : nay, I bad the say : Agnus Dei miserere mei, that is, the Lamb of God haue mercy vpon me. Ye, syr, quod the penytente, ye say truthe; that was the laste yeare. But now it is a twelfemonthe since* and it is a shepe by this tyme. Therfore I muste nedes say nowe : the shepe of God haue mercy vpon me. By this tale ye may perceyue, that if holy scripture be expowned to the lay people onely in the lytterall sence, peraduenture it shall do lytell good. ^ Of the husbande that sayd he was John Daw. Ixvi. ^ IT happened dyuers to be in communicacyon, amonge whome there was a curate or a parysshe preest and one John Dawe, a parisshon of his ; whiche ii had communicacyon more busy than other in thys maner. This preest thought that one myght nat by felynge knowe one from a nother in the darke. John Dawe his parysshone, A C. Mery Talys. 95 [being] of the contrary opinyon, layde with his curate for a wager xl pence ; whervpon the parysshe preest, wyllynge to proue his wager, wente to this John Dawes house in the euenynge, and sodenly gate hym to bedde with his wyfe ; where, whan he began to be somwhat busye, she felynge his crowne sayde shortely with a loude voyce : by God ! thou art nat John Dawe. That hearynge, her husbande answered : thou sayest trouthe, wyfe, I John Dawe am here. 1 Therfore, mayster persone, gyue me the money : for ye haue loste your xl. pence. By this tale ye may lerne to perceyue, that it is no wysedome for a man to be couetous of wynnynge of any wager to put in ieopardye a thynge, that maye turne him to greatter displeasure. ^ Of the scoler of Oxforde that proued by souestry ii chykens in, Ixvii. "f A RYCHE Frankelyn in the contrey hauynge by his wyfe but one chylde and no mo, for the great affeccyon that he had to his sayd chylde founde hym at Oxforde to schole by the space of ii or iii yere. Thys yonge scoler, in a vacacyon 2 tyme, for his disporte came home to his father. It for- (i) orig. reads I am here John Dawe, (2) orig. reads vocacyon. 96 A C. Mery Talys. tuned afterwarde on a nyght, the father, the mother and the sayd yonge scoler 5 lines wanting. I haue studyed souestry, and by that scyence I can proue, that these ii chekyns in the dysshe be thre chekyns. 1 Mary, sayde the father, that wolde I fayne se. The scoller toke one of the chekyns in his hande and said : lo ! here is one chekyn, and incontynente he toke bothe the chekyns in" his hande iointely and sayd : here is ii chekyns ; and one and ii maketh iii : ergo here is iii chekyns. Than the father toke one of the chekyns to him selfe, and gaue another to his wyfe, and sayd thus : lo ! I wyll haue one of the chekyns to my parte, and thy mother shal haue a nother, and because of thy good argumente thou shalte haue the thyrde to thy supper : for thou gettyst no more meate here at this tyme; whyche promyse the father kepte, and so the scoller wente without his supper. By this tale men may se, that it is great foly to put one to scole to lerne any subtyll scyence, whiche hathe no naturall wytte. (i) The same story is to be found in Scogiris Jests, with a trifling variation. Scogifis "Jests were published before 1565. Several of the anecdotes, here narrated, were re-produced in that and other collections. See also Joake upon Joake, 1721, where the present story is told of King Charles the Second, Nell Gwynne, and the Duchess of Portsmouth. In this version the Duchess is the sufferer. A C. Mery Talys. 97 IT Of the frere that stale the podynge}- Ixviii. ^ A FRERE of London there was that on a Sonday in the mornynge yerly 2 in the somer season came fro London to Barnette to make a colacyon, 3 and was there an houre before hye masse began ; and bycause he wolde come to the churche honestly, he wente fyrst to an ale house there to wype his shoes and to make him selfe clenly. In the whyche house there were podynges to sell, and dyuers folkes there brekynge theyr faste, and eatynge podynges. But the frere brake his faste in a secrete place in the same house. This frere sone after came to the church, and by lycence of the curate entered into the pulpet to make a colacyon or sermon. And in his sermon there he rebuked sore the maner of them that met to breke theyr faste on the Sonday before hye masse, and said it was called the deuyls blacke brekefast. And with that worde spekynge, as he dyd caste his armes out to make his countenaunce, there fell a podyng out of his sleue, whiche he hym selfe had stolen a lytell before in the same alehouse ; and whan the people saw that, and specially they that brake (i) This story, as already mentioned in the Introduction, is taken from the tale of the " Vickar of Bergamo" in Tarltmt's Ne-wesout of Pur- gatorie (1590). See Halliwell's ed. of Tarltoris Jests, &"c. p. 82 (Shakesp. Soc.). (2] Early. (3) Homily. H 98 A C. Mery Talys. theyr faste there the same mornynge, and knewe well that the wyfe had complayned howe she had one of her podynges stolen, they laughed so moche at the frere, that he incontynente wente downe out of the pulpet for shame. By this tale a man may se that, whan a precher dothe rebuke any synne or vyce wherin he is knowen openly to be gyltie him selfe, suche prechynge shall lytell edefye to the people. ^ Of the frankelyns sonne that cam to take ordres. Ixix. 1 A CERTAYNE scoler there was, intendynge to be made a preest, whyche hadde nother great wytte nor lernynge, came to the bysshoppe to take orders, whose folysshenes the bysshoppe percey- uynge, because he was a ryche mannes sonne wolde nat very strongly oppose him, but asked him thys questyon : Noye had thre sonnes, Sem, Came, and Japhete; nowe tell me, who was Japhetes father 1 But the scoler was all abashed, and knew nat what to answere: wherefore the bysshoppe sayde: get the home and consider awhile, and come agayne and soyle 1 me this questyon, and thou shalte haue orders. This scoler so departed and came home to his father, and shewed hym the cause of the (i) Satisfy, a very rare word. A C. Mery Tafys. 99 hynderaunce of his orders. Hys father, beyng angry at his folisshenes, thought to teche hym the solucyon of this questyon by a familier example, and called his spanyels before hym, and sayd thus : Thou knowest well, Colle my dogge hathe these iii. whelpes, Ryg, Trygge and Tryboll. Muste nat all my dogges nedes be syre to Try- boll 1 Than quod the scoler : by God ! father, ye [have] sayd trouthe. Let me alone nowe ; ye shall se me do well ynoughe the nexte tyme. Wherfore on the morowe he wente to the bys- shoppe agayne, and sayd he coulde soyle his questyon. Than sayd the bysshoppe : Noye had thre sonnes, Sem, Came, 1 and Japhete. Now, tell me who was Japhetes father. Mary, syr, quod the scoler, if it plese youre lordeshyppe, Colle my fathers dogge. By this tale a man may lerne, that it is but loste tyme to teche a fole any thynge, whiche hathe no wytte to perceyue it. H Of the husbandman that lodgyd the frere in his own bedde. Ixx. H IT fortuned so that a frere, late in the euenynge, desyred lodgynge of a poore man of the countrey (i) Ham. H 2 ioo AC. Mery Talys. the whiche for lacke of other lodgyng, glad to har- borowe the frere, lodged him in his owne bedde. And after, he and his wyfe, the frere beynge a slepe, came and laye in the same bedde; and in the mornynge after the poore man rose and went to the market, leauyng the frere in the bedde with his wyfe. And as he wente he smiled and laughte to hym selfe ; wherfore hys neyghbours demaunded of hym, why he so smyled. He answered and sayd : I laughe to thynke, howe shamefaste the frere shal be whanne he waketh, whome I left in bedde with my wyfe. By this tale a man may lerne, that he that ouer- shoteth hym selfe doth folysshely : yet he is more fole to shewe it openly. ^ Of the preste that wolde say two gospels for a grote. Ixxi. ^ SOMTYME there dwelled a preest in Stretforde vpon Auyne of small lernyng, which vndeuoutly sange masse and oftentymes twyse on one day. So it happened on a tyme, after his seconde masse was done in shorte space, nat a myle from Stret- forde there mette with hym dyuers marchaunte men whiche wolde haue harde masse, and desyred hym to synge masse and he shuld haue a grote; A C. Mery Talys. 101 whiche answered them and sayd : syrs, I wyll say masse no more this day; but I wyll say you two gospels for one grote, and that is dogge chepe [for] a masse in any place in Englande. By this tale a man may se, that they that be rude and unlerned regarde but lytell the meryte and goodness of holy prayer. ^ Of the coutear that dyd cast the frere ouer the bote. Ixxii. Too much damaged to decypher. ^ Of the frere that prechyd what mennys sowles were. Ixxiii. A PRECHER in pulpet whiche prechyd the worde of God, amonge other matters spake of mennes soules and sayd that the soule was so subtyll that a thou- sande soules myght daunce on the space of the nayle of a mannes fynger. Amonge which audyence there was a mery conceyted fellow of small deuo- cyon that answered and sayde thus : mayster doctour, if a thousande soules may daunce on a mannes nayle, I praye you than, where shall the pyper stande ? By this tale a man may se, that it is but foly to shewe or to teche vertue to them, that haue no pleasure nor mynde therto. IO2 AC. Mery Talys. ^ Of the husbande that cryed ble under the led. Ixxiv. IN London there was a certayne artifycer hauyng a fayre wife, to whom a lusty galante made pursute to accomplisshe his pleasure. This woman, deny- eng, shewed the matter vnto her husband whiche, moued therewith, bad his wyfe to appoynte him a tyme to come secretly to lye with her all nyght, and with great crakes and othes sware that, agaynst his comyng, he wolde be redy harneysed and wolde put him in ieopardye of his lyfe, except he wolde make hym a great amendes. Thys nyght was then appoynted ; at whiche tyme thys courtyer came at his houre, and entred in at the chamber, and set his two-hande sworde downe, and sayde these wordes : stande thou there, thou sworde, the dethe of thre men ! This husbande lyenge vnder the bedde in harneys, herynge these wordes, lay still for fere. The courtyer anone gat him to bed with the wyfe about his prepensed busynesse ; and within an houre or two the husbande, beynge wery of lyenge, beganne to remoue hym. The courtyer, that hearynge, asked the wyfe what thinge that was that remoued vnder the bedde ; whiche, excusyng the matter, sayd it was a lytell shepe, that was wonte dayly to go about the house ; and A C. Mery Talys. 103 the husbande, that herynge, anone cryed ble, as it had ben a shepe. And so in conclusyon, whan the courtyer sawe his tyme, he rose and kissed the wyfe, and took his leaue and departed. And as sone as he was gone the husbande arose; and, whan the wyfe loked on him, somwhat abasshed began to make a sad countenance ; and [she] sayde ; alas ! syr, why did you The remainder of this tale is wanting. By this tale ye may se, that he is not wyse that will put his confydence in hosiers and great crakers, whiche ofte tymes wyll do but lytell, when it comes to the pdynte. t Of the shomaker that asked the colyer what tydynges in hell. 1 Ixxv. ^ A souTER 2 syttynge in his shope, that sawe a colyer come by, deryded hym, because he was so blacke, and asked hym, what newes from hell and (1) The blackness of colliers was employed of course from a very early period as a ground for satirical insinuations as to their connexion with the Evil One. In 1568, Ulpian Fulwell, a distinguished writer of the Elizabethan era, published A Pleasant Interlude intituled Like will to Like quoth the Devil to the Collier; and in the old play of Grim the Collier of Croydon, the epithet grim was intended to convey a similar idea. In Robin Goodfcllow His Mad Pranks and Merry Jests, 1628 however, Grim is the name of a Fairy. (2) Shoemaker or Cobbler. Lat. Sutor. IO4 AC. Mery Talys. howe the deuyll fared. To whome the colyer answeryd hym : he was well, whan I sawe hym laste ; for he was rydynge and waited but for a souter to plucke on his botes. By this ye may se that he, that vseth to deryde other folkes is somtyme him selfe more deryded and mocked. ^ Of Seynt Peter that cryed cause bobe. Ixxvi. ^ I FYNDE wrytten amonge olde gestes, 1 howe God mayde Saynt Peter porter of heuen, and that God of hys goodnes, sone after his passyon, suffered many men to come to the kyngdome of Heuen with small deseruynge ; at whiche tyme there was in heuen a great company of Welchemen, whyche with their crakynge and babelynge troubled all the other. Wherfore God sayde to saynte Peter, that he was wery of them, and that he wolde fayne haue them out of heuen. To whome saynte Peter sayd : Good Lorde, I warrente you, that shal be (i) It is not very usual to find this word in its jocular sense spelled in this manner. It continued to be used in its original signification (action or exploit] even to the Restoration, perhaps later. The most recent example of its employment with which the Editor has happened to meet is at p. 29 of Mauley's Iter Carolinum, 1660, where the writer speaks of " His Majesties Gests from Newcastle to Holdenby in Feb. 1646.' These gests were certainly no jests. Since the former part of this note was written, a more recent instance of the use of gest in the sense in question has occurred to the Editor in the Life and Gests of S. Thotnas Cantilupe, Cant, 1674. 8vo. A C. Mery Talys. 105 done. Wherfore saynt Peter wente out of heuen gates and cryed wyth a loud voyce Cause bobe, that is as moche to saye as rested chese, whiche thynge the Welchemen herynge, ranne out of Heuen a great pace. And when Saynt Peter sawe them all out, he sodenly wente into Heuen, and locked the dore, and so sparred all the Welchemen out By this ye may se, that it is no wysdome for a man to loue or to set his mynde to moche vpon any delycate or worldely pleasure, wherby he shall lose the celestyall and eternall ioye. ^ Of hytn that aduenturyd body and settle for hys prynce. Ixxvii. *[ Two knyghtes there were which wente to a standynge fylde with theyr prynce; but one of them was confessed before he wente, but the other wente into the felde without shryfte or repentaunce. Afterwarde thys prynce wanne the fylde, and had the victory that day ; wherfore he that was con- fessed came to the prynce, and asked an offyce and sayd that he had deserved it, for he had done good seruice and aduentured that day as farre as any man in the felde. To whome the other that was unconfessed answered and sayd : nay, by the masse, I am more worthy to haue a rewarde than io6 AC. Mery Talys. he : for he aduentured but his body for your sake, for he durst nat go to. the felde tyll he was con- fessed ; but I that was unconfessed adventured my soule. 1 * * * * The remainder cf this tale is wanting. ^ Of the parson that stale the mylners elys. Ixxviii. Too imperfect to dtcypher. If Of the Welchman that saw one xlr. better than God. Ixxix. Tt A WELCHMAN on a tyme went to churche to be shryued, and chanced to come in euyn at the sacryng- time. 2 When he had confessed him he went home, wher one of his felowes askyd hym \i\\ether he had seen God Almighty to day; which answerd and sayd : nay, but I saw one forty shillings better. ^ Of the frere that said dyryge for the hoggys soule. Ixxx. If UPON a tyme certayn women in the countrye were -a^poynted^ to dfcryde and mokke a frere limi- (1) The words in Italics are supplied from conjecture. They are not in orig. or in Singer. (2) Sacrament. (3) Prepared, i. e. had made themselves ready. A C. Mery Talys. 107 tour, that vsed moche to trouble them; whereupon one of them, a lytyll before the frere came, tooke a hogge, and for dysport leyd it under the horde after the manner of a corse ; &nd told the frere it was her good man and dysyrd hime to say dirige for his soule. Wherefore the frere and his felaw began Placebo and Dirige and so iorth, thorough the seruyse full devowtly, which the wyues so heryng could not refraine them selfe from lawghynge and went in to a lytyll parler to lawgh more at theyr pleasure. These freris somwhat suspected the cause, and quikly, or that the women were ware, lokyd under the borde, and spying ] that it was an hog, sodenly toke it bytwene them and bare it homeward as fast as they might. The women, seyng that, ran after the frere and cryed : com agayn, maester frere, come agayne, and let it allone. Nay by my faith, quod the frere, he is a broder of ours, and therefore he must nedys be buryed in oure cloyster. And so the frerys gate the hog. By this ye may se, that they that use to deride and mok other, somtyme it tornyth to theyre owne losse and damage. (i) Orig. reads spyed. io8 AC. Mery Talys. ^ Of the parson that sayde masse of requiem for Crystes soule. Ixxxi. ^ A CERTAYN prest there was that dwellyd in the cuntry which was not very well lernyd. Therfore on Ester- Euyn he sent his boy to the prest of the next town, that was ii. myle from thens, to know what masse he sholde synge on the morowe. This > boy came to the sayd prest, and dyd his maysters errande to hym. Then quod the prest : tel thy mayster that he must * Several lines -wanting. masse he shuld synge on the morowe. By my trothe, quod the boy, I have forgotten it ; but he bad me tell you it began * * * Then quod the prest: I trowe thou sayest trewth : for now I remem&r me it is the masse of requiem : for God Almyghty dyed upon Good "Fry day, and it is meet we shulde say masse for hys soule. By thy s tale ye may se, that when one fole sendyth another fole on hys strand, hys besynes folyshly sped. A C. Mery Talys. 109 If Of the herdeman that sayde : ryde apace, ye shall haue rayn. Ixxxii. If A certayne skoler of Oxenford which had studied the iudicials of astronomy, upon a tyme as he was rydyng by the way, came a by a herdman ; and he asked thys herdm&n. how far it was to the next town. Syr, quod the herdman, it is rather past a mile and an half ; but, sir, quod he, ye nede to ryde apace : for ye shal /zaue a shower of rayn, or ye com thider. What, quod the skoler, maketh ye say so ? There ys no token of rayn : for the cloudes be both fayr and clere. By my troth, quod the herdman, but ye shall fynd it so. The skoler then rode forth, and it chanced or he had ryden half a myle forther, there fell a good showre of rayn and z thys skoler was well washyd and wett to the skyn. The skoler then tornyd hym backe, and rode to the herdman, and desyryd hym to tech him that connyng. Nay, quod the herdman, I ' wyll not tech you my connynge for nought. Than the skoler profferyde hym xl shyllyngs to teche hym that connynge. The herdman, after he had reseyuyd hys money, sayd thus : syr, se you not fi) Orig. reads -which came. (2) Singer's conjectural reading is that ; but and seems to me to be the word required. i io AC. Mery Talys. yonder blacke ewe with the whyte face 1 Yes, quod the skoler. Suerly, quod the herdman, when she daunsith and holdeth up her tayle, ye shall haue a showre of rayn within half an howre after. * '*" By this ye may se, that the connyng of herdmen and shepardes, as touchinge alteracyons of weders, is more sure than the iudicials of astronomy. H Of hym that sayde : I shall haue neuer a peny. Ixxxiii. ^ IN a certayne towne, there was a rych man that lay on his deth bed at poynte of deth, whyche chargyd hys executours to dele 2 for hys soule a certayne some of money in pence, and on thys condicion chargyd them as they would answere afore God, that euery pore man that cam to them and told a trew tale shulde haue a peny, and they that said a fals thing shuld haue none ; and in the dole-tyme there cam one whych sayd that God was a good man. Quod the executours : thou shalt haue a peny, for thou saist trouth. Anone came a nother and said, the deuil was a good man. Quod the executours : there thou lyest ; therefore thou shalt haue nere a peny. At laste came on[e] to the executors and said thus : ye shall gyue me (i) See Scoggitis Jests (reprint 1796), p. 47. (2) Count out. A C. Mery Talys. 1 1 1 nere a peny : which wordes made the executors amasyd, and toke aduysment whyther they shuld The end of this tale is wanting. ^ Of the husbande that sayde hys wyfe and he agreed well, Ixxxiv. Too imperfect to decypher. H Of the prest that sayde Comede episcope. Ixxxv. T IN the tyme of visitacyon a bysshoppe, \ih\che was maryed^- and had gote many chyldren, prepared to questyon a preest what rule he kepte, whiche preest had a \zman ***** an d by her had two or thre small chyldren. In shorte tyme before the ^'^shoppes commynge, he prepared a rowme to hyde his leman and children ouer in the rofe of his hall ; and whan the bysshoppe was come and dis- coursing with him in the same hall, hauynge x of his owne chyldren about him, the preest, who coude speke lytell lytyn or none, bad the bysshoppe in (i) These two words are not in orig. or in Singer ; but they seem to be what the context requires. 112 A C. Mery Talys. latyn * * * * Comede, 1 episcope. This woman in rofe of the house, hearing the preest say so, had went 2 he had called her, byddynge her : come, Ede ; and answered him and sayde : shall I brynge my chyldren with me also? The bysshoppe, hearing this, sayde in sporte : vxor tua sicut vitis abundans in lateribus domus tuas. The preest than, halfe amasyd, answerd and sayd : filii tui sicut nouellse oliuarum in circuitu mensse tuae. By this ye may se, that they, that haue but small lernyng, som tyme speke truely unaduysed. ^ Of the woman that stale the pot. IxxxvL H ON Ashe Wednesday in the mornynge, was a curate of a churche whyche had made good chere the nyght afore and sytten up late, and came to the churche to here confessyon, to whome there came a woman ; and among other thynges she confessed her that she had stolen a potte. But than, because of greate watche that this preest had, he there sodenly felle aslepe ; and whan this woman sawe him nat wyllynge to here her, she rose and went her waye. And anone an other woman kneled down to the same preest and began to say : Benedicite ; wherwith this preest sodenly (i) Orig. reads Comode. (2) Weened A C. Mery Talys. 113 awaked, and wenynge she had ben the other woman, 1 sayd all angerly, what ! arte thou nowe at Benedicite agayne ? tell me, what dyddest thou whan thou haddest stolyn the potte ? ^ Of mayster Whyttynton drente? Ixxxvii. ^ SONE after one rnaister Whyttington had bylded a colege, on a nyght as he slepte, he dremed that he satte in his church and many folkes there also ; and further he dremed that he sawe Our Lady in the same church with a glas of goodly oyntemente in her hande goynge to one askynge him what he had done for her sake ; which sayd that he had sayd Our Ladyes sauter 3 euery daye : wherfore she (1) Orig. reads and after woman. (2) The celebrated Sir Richard Whittington. In his If you know Not me you know No Body, Part ii, 1606, Heywood introduces the following dialogue respecting Whittington between Dean Nowell and Old Hobson, the haberdasher of the Poultry : " Dr. Now. This Sir Richard Whittington, three times Mayor, Son to a knight, and 'prentice to a mercer, Began the library of Gray-friars in London, And his executors after him did build Whittington College, thirteen almshouses for poor men, Repair'd Saint Bartholomew's, in Smithfield, Glazed the Guildhall, and built Newgate. Hob. Bones a me, then, I have heard lies ; For I have heard he was a scullion, And rais'd himself by venture of a cat. Dr. Now. They did the more wrong to the gentleman." (3) Psalter. I H4 A. C. Mery Talys. gaue him a lytel of the oyle. And anone she wente to another * * * Several lines wanting. he had buylded a great college, and was very gladde in hys mynde. Whan that Oure Ladye cam to hym, she asked him what he hadde suffred for her sake, this questyon made him greatly abashed, because he had nothing to answer : wherefore Our Lady him informed that for all the great dede of buyldynge of a colege he must haue no parte of that goodly oyntemente. By this ye may perceue, that to suffre for Goddes sake is more acceptable to God than to buyld or gyue great goodes. ^ Of the prest that killed his horse called modicus. Ixxxviii. ^ A certayne Bysshoppe appoynted to go on visyta- cion to a preeste's ; and, bycause he would haue the preest do but lyttel coste vpon him, he told him to prepare but lytell meate saying thus : Preparas * * r modicus. This preest whyche understode hym nat halfe well, had some desire} wherfore he thoughte to obtayne the bysshoppes fauour ; and therfore againste the bys- (i) Wanting in orig. and left blank by Singer. I have supplied them from conjecture. A C. Mery Talys. 1 1 5 shoppes comynge kylled his horse that was called Modicus, whereof the bysshoppe and his seruauntes ete parte ; whiche, whan the bysshoppe knewe after- warde, was greatly displeased. By this ye may se, that many a fole dothe moche coste in makyng good chere at dyners, whiche hathe but lytell thanke for his laboure. ^ Of the Welcheman that stale the Englysshmans cocke. Ixxxix. ^ A WELCHEMAN dwellynge in Englande fortuned to stele an Englysshemans cocke, and set it on the fyre to sethe ; wherefore thys Englysheman, suspecting the Welcheman, came to his house, and sawe the cocke sethyng on the fyre and said to the Welcheman thus : syr, this is my cocke. Mary, quod the Welcheman ; and if it be thyne, thou shalte haue thy parte of it. Nay, quod the Englyssheman, that is nat ynoughe. By cottes blut and her nayle ! quod the Welcheman, if her be nat ynoughe nowe, her will be ynoughe anone : for her hath a good fyre under her. ^ Of hym that brought a botell to a preste. xc. If CERTAYNE vycars 1 of Poules, disposed to be mery on a Sonday at hye masse tyme, sente (i) Priests. I 2 n6 AC. Mery Talys. another madde felowe of theyr acquointance unto a folysshe dronken preest to gyue hym a bottell, whiche man met with the preest upon the toppe of the stayres by the chauncell dore, and spake to him and sayd thus : syr, my mayster hath sente you a bottell to put your drynke in, because he can kepe none in your braynes. This preest, therwith beynge very angry, all sodenly toke the bottell, and with his fote flange it downe into the body of the churche upon the gentylmans hede. 1 * ^ Of the endytement of Jesu of Nazareth, xci. H A CERTAYNE Jury in the countye of Myddelsex was enpaneled for the kynge to enquere of all endytements, murders, and felonyes. The persones of this panell were folyshe, couetous and unlerned : for who so euer wolde gyue them a grote, they wolde affyne and verifye his byll, whether it were true or fals, withoute any profe or euydence; wherefore one that was * * Some lines wanting. the Jury loking on the grote and nothing on the byll as was their custome, which byll whan it was (') Orig. reads gentylmens. A C. Mery Talys. 1 1 7 presented into the courte, the judge said openly before all the people : lo ! syrs, here is the straung- est byll euer presented by an enquest : for here they haue indyted Jesu of Nazareth for stelyng of an asse. Which whan the people harde it, it made them all to laug/ie, and to wonder at the folysshenes and shamefull periury of the Jury. By this ye may se, it is great parell 1 to enpanell men upon an enquest, whiche be folysshe and haue but small witte or honesty. ^ Of the frere that preched agaynst them that rode on the Sonday. xcii. ^ IN a certayne parryshe, a frere preched and said moche againt them, that rode on the Sonday euer lokyng upon one that was there, spurred redy to ryde. This man, perceuyng that the frere loked at hym, sodenly halfe in angre answered the frere thus : / meruayle that ye say so moche agaynste them that ryde on the Sonday : for Christe rode into Jerusalem on Palme Sonday, as thou knowest well it is wrytten * * * To whome the frere sodenly answered and sayd thus : but knowe ye not also what came thereof 1 ? Was he nat hanged on (i) Peril. n8 AC. Mery Talys. the Fryday after. Whiche bearing all them that were in the churche fell on laughynge. ^ Of the one broder that founde a purs, xciii. IT THERE was a certayne man that had two sonnes \m\yke eche other. For the eldyst was lustye and quycke, and vsed mochi? betimes to walke into the fyldes. Than was the yonger slowe, and vsed moche to lye in his bed as long as he myght. So on a day the elder, as he was vsed, rose erly and walked into the fyldes ; and there by fortune he founde a purse of money, and brought it home to his father. His father, whan he had it, wente strayght to hys other sonne yet lyenge than in his bed and sayd to him : o thou slogarde, quod he, seyst thou nat thyne eldest brother, howe he by hys erly rysyng had founde a purse with money whereby we shall be greatly holpen all our lyfe, whyle thou sluggynge in thy bedde dost no * good but slepe 1 He than wyst nat what to say, but answered shortly and said : father, quod he, if he that hathe loste the purse and money had lyne in hys bedde that same tyme that he loste it, as I do nowe, my brother had founde no purse nor money to day. (i) Orig. reads thou sluggynge in thy bedde dost thou no good which repetition of thou seems unnecessary. A C. Mcry Talys. 119 By this ye may se, that they that be accustomed in vyce and synne will alwaye fynde one excuse or other to cloke therewyth theyr vyce and vn- thryftynes. ^ Of the answere of the mas t res to the mayde. xciv. ^ A CERTAYNE wyfe there was, whiche was som- what fayre, and, as all women be that be fayre, was somwhat proude of her beautye ; and as she and her mayde satte together, she, as one that was desyrous to be praysed, sayd to her thus : I, faythe, Jone, howe thynkest thou 1 am I nat a fayre wyfe 1 Yes, by my trouth, maistres, quod she, ye be the fayrest that euer was excepte * The end is wanting. ^ Of the northern man that was all harte. xcv. Of this tale bitt a small fragment remains^ ^ Of the burnynge of olde John, xcvi. ^ In a certayne towne there was a wife somewhat aged, that had beryed her hitsbande, whose name was John, whome she so tenderfye lotted in his lyfe, that after hys dethe she caused an ymage of tymber 120 AC. Mery Talys. to be made in forme and persone as lyke to hym as coulde be ; whiche ymage she kept carefully under her bedde ; and euery nyghte she caused her mayde to wrap the ymage in a shete and lay it in her bedde ; and called it olde John. Thys ividowe had a prentyse whose name was John ; whiche John wolde fayne haue married hys mays- tres, nat for no great pleasure, but onely for her good substance : for she was ryche. Wherefore he ymagened howe he myght obtayne hys desire and so dyd speke to the mayde of the house, and desyred her to lay hym in his maystres bedde for one nyghte in stede of the pycture, 1 and promysed her a good rewarde for her laboure ; whyche mayde ouer nyghte wrapped the sayde younge man in a shete, and layde hym in his maysters bedde, as she was wonte to laye the pycture. Thys wydowe was wonte euery nyght, before she slepte and dyuers tymes whan she waked, to kysse the sayde pycture of olde John : wherefore the sayde nyghte she kyssed the sayde yonge man, beleuynge that she hadde kyste the picture. And he sodenly sterte, 2 and toke her in his armes, and so well pleased her than, that olde John from (i) Not here put as a painting, but in a general sense, as a representation. (2) The old perfect of start. The orig. reads starts. A C. Mery Talys. 1 2 1 thens forth was clene out of her mynde, and [she] . was contente that this yonge John shulde lye with her styll all that nyghte, and that the pycture of olde John shulde lye styll under the bedde for a thynge of noughte. After thys in the mornynge, thys wydowe, intendynge to please this yonge John whyche had made her so good pastyme all the nyght, bad her mayde go dresse some good mete for their brekefast to feaste therwith her yonge John. This mayde, whan she had longe sought for wode to dresse the sayde mete, told her maystres that she coude fynde no wode that was drye, except onelye the pycture of olde John that lyeth under the bed. ******** Some lines wanting. and dressyd the brekfast ; and so olde John was brenyd; and from thens forth yong John occupyed his place. ^ Of the courtear that ete the hot custarde. xcvii. ^ A CERTAYNE merchaunt and a courtear, being upon a time together at dyner hauing a hote custerd, the courtear being somwhat homely of maner toke parte of it and put it in hys mouth, whych was so hote that made him shed teares. The merchaunt, 122 AC. Mery Talys. lokyng on him, thought that he had ben weeping, and asked hym why he wept. This curtear, not , wyllynge [it] to be known that he had brent his mouth with the hote custerd, answered and said, sir : (\uod he, I had a brother whych dyd a certayn offence wherfore he was hanged ; and, chauncing to think now vppon his deth, it maketh me to wepe. This merchaunt thought the courtear had said trew, and anon after the merchaunt was disposid to ete of the custerd, and put a sponefull of it in his mouth, and brent his mouth also, that his eyes watered. This courtear, that perceuyng, spake to the merchaunt and seyd : sir, quod he, pray why do ye wepe now 1 The merchaunt per- seyued how he had bene deceiued and said a : mary, quod he, I wepe, because thou wast not hangid, when that thy brother was hangyd. ^ ^ Of the thre pointes belonging to a shrewd wyfe. xcix. ^ A YONG man, that was desirous to haue a wyf, cam to a company of /%/losofers which were gadred to gider, requiring them to gif him their opinion howe he might chose him sich a wyf that (i) Singer inserts answered before and said; but the word does not appear to be required. , 4 A C. Mery Talys. 123 wer no shrew. These Philosoftrs with gret study and delyberacion determinid and shewd this man that there were in especial pointes, wherebi he shuld sure know if a woman were a shrew. The i point is that if a woman have a shril voyce, it is a gret token that she is a shrew. The ii point is that, if a woman have a sharp nose, then most commenly she is a shrew. The iii point that neuer doth mis is 1 that if she were [a] kerchefer, 2 ye may be sure she is a shrew. ^ Of the man that paynted the lamb upon his wyfes bely. c. ^ A CONNING painter ther was dwelling in London, which had a fayre yong wife, and for thingis that he had to do went ouer se ; but because he was somwhat jelous, he praed his wyfe to be content, that he might paint a lamb upon her bely, and praed her it might remain ther, til he cam home (1) Orig. reads the iii point is that never mis that &>c (2) A very costly article of female dress during the reigns of the Tudor and Stuart sovereigns. It constituted part of the head-gear, and from the way in which it was worn by some women, was calculated to convey a notion of skittishness. In the Ne-w Courtly Sonet of the Lady Greensleeves, printed in Robinson's " Handful of Pleasant Delites," 1584, the lover is made to say to his mistress : " I bought three kerchers to thy head, That were wrought fine and gallantly : I kept thee both at board and bed, Which cost my purse well-favourdly." 124 AC. Mery Talys. again ; wherewith she was content. After, which lamb so painted he departid ; and sone after that, a lusti yong merchaunt, a bacheler, came and woed his wyf, and obteined her fauor, so that she was content he shuld lye with her ; which resortid to her and had his plesure oftymes ; and on a time he toke a pensell, and to the lamb he painted ii hornys, wening to the wif that he had but re- freshed the old painting. Than at the last, about a yere after, her husband cam home again, and the first night he lay with his wyfe, he loked uppon his wifes bely, and saw the ii homes painted there. He said to his wif, that some other body had ben besy there, and made a new painting : for the picture that he painted had no homes and this hath homes ; to to whome this wif shortly cetera desunt, Hereendeth thebooke of a C. mery Talys. Imprinted at London at the sygne of the meremayde at powlys gate nexte to chepesyde. ^ Cum priuelegio Regali. 125 ADDITIONAL NOTES AND ILLUSTRATIONS. A C. MERY TALYS. Introduction, vi. I might have mentioned that Taylor the Water- Poet cites The Hundred Merry Tales as one of the authorities employed by him in the composition of his Sir Gregory Nonsense His Newes from No Place, 1622 (Taylor's Works, 1630), and see also Epistle Dedicatory to Meredith's Eusebiiis, 1577. P. 19. This story is found in the Ducento Novelle of Celio Malespini, printed at Venice, 1609, 4. P. 22. Of the Woman that sayd her Woer cam too late. " If thou be slow to speake, as one I knew, Thou wouldst assure thy selfe my counsels true ; Hee 'too late) finding her upon her knees In Church, where yet her husbands coorse she sees, Hearing the Sermon at his funerall, Longing to behold his buriall, This sutor being toucht with inward love, Approached neare his lovely sute to move, Then stooping downe he whispered in her eare Saying he bore her love, as might appeare. In that so soone he shewed his love unto her, Before any else did app[r]och to woo her, Alass (said she) your labour is in vaine, Last night a husband I did entertaine." Uncasing of Machivils Instructions to his Sonne, 1613, Sign. C 3. Stories of this kind are of very common occurrence in the modern collections of facetiae. P. 23. " When Davie Diker diggs, and dallies not, When smithes shoo horses, as they would be shod, When millers toll not with a golden thumbe." The Steel Glas, a Satyre, by George Gascoigne, Esquire (1576), Sign. H 3 verso. A writer in the Retrospective Review, New Series, ii. 326, states that thi story of the " Miller with the golden thumb" " is still (1854) a favourite in Yorkshire." T * 126 Notes. P. 30. Stumble at a. Straw, &<:. This proverb is quoted in Machirils Instructions to his Sonne, 1613, p. 16. P- 35- Of the good man that sayd to his "vayfe, &*c. " Dr. South, visiting a Gentleman one morning, was ask'd to stay Dinner, which he accepted of; the Gentleman stept into the next Room and told his Wife, and desired she'd provide something extraordinary. Hereupon she began to murmer and scold, and make a thousand Words ; till at length, Her husband, provok'd at her Behaviour, protested, that if it was not for the Stranger in the next Room, he would kick her out of Doors. Upon which the Doctor, who heard all that passed, immediately stept out, crying, / beg, Sir, yorill make no Stranger of me." Complete Lottdon Jester, ed. 1771, p. 73. P. 44. Draught hole. See Dekker's Guls Horn Book, 1609, ed. Nott, p. 121-2-3. P. 47. Saynte Thomas of Acres. " A the Austen fryers They count us for lyers : And at Saynt Thomas of Akers They carpe us lyke crakers." Skelton's Colin Clout (Works, ed. Dyce, i. 357). This tale is imitated in Hobson's Conceits. P. 60. Of the gentylman that promysed the scoter oj Oxforde a sarcenet typet. Sarcenet, at the period to which this story refers, was a material which only certain persons were allowed to wear. See Nicolas' note to a passage in the Privy Purse Expenses of Elizabeth of York, p. 220. This jest is transplanted by Johnson, with very little alteration, into the Pleasant Conceits of Old Hobson, 1607. P. 78. Therefore I pray thee, teche me my Pater noster, and by tny truthe, I shall therfore teche thee a songe of Robyn Mode that shall be worth xx of it 1 The following passage from a poem, which has been sometimes ascribed to Skelton, is a curious illustration of this paragraph : Thus these sysmatickes, And lowsy lunatickes, With spurres and prickes Call true men heretickes. They finger their fidles, And cry in quinibles, A'.vay these bibles, For they be but ridles ! Notes. 1 27 And give them Robyn Whode, To red howe he stode In mery grene wode, When he gathered good, Before Noyes ffloodd I The linage of Ipocrysy, Part iii. P. 84. Of the ivyfe that bad, &>c. Of swearing between a wyfe and her husband. " Cis, by this candle in my sleep I thought One told me of thy body thou wert nought. Good husband, he that told you ly'd, she said, And swearing, laid her hand upon the bread. Then eat the bread, quoth he, that I may deem That fancie false, that true to me did seem. Nay, sir, said she, the matter well to handle, Since you swore first, you first shall eat the candle." Wits Interpreter, the English Parnassus. By John Cotgrave, 1662, p. 286. P. 87. OftJie man that had the dome ivyfe. " A certain man, as fortune fel, A woman tungles wedded to wive, Whose frowning countenance perceivig by live Til he might know what she ment he thought long, And wished ful oft she had a tung. The devil was redy, and appeered anon, An aspin lefe he bid the man take, And in her mouth should put but one, A tung, said the devil, it shall her make ; Til he had doon his hed did ake ; Leaves he gathered, and took plentie, And in her mouth put two or three. Within a while the medicine wrought : The man could tarry no longer time, Buc wakened her, to the end he mought The vertue knowe of the medicine ; The first woord she spake to him She said : ' thou whoresonne knave and theef, How durst thou waken me, with a mischeef ! From that day forward she never ceased, Her boistrous bable greeved him sore : I 128 Notes. The devil he met, and him intreated To make her tungles, as she was before ; ' Not so,' said the devil, ' I will meddle no more. A devil a woman to speak may constrain, But all that in hel be, cannot let it again.' " Schole-Jtouse of Women, 1542 (Utterson's Select Pieces of Early Popular Poetry, ii. 74). P. 89. Of the Proctour of arches that had the lytel tuyfe. " One ask'd his Friend, why he, so proper a Man himself, marry'd so small a Wyfe ? Why, said he, I thought you had known, that of all evils we should chuse the least." Complete London Jester, ed. 1771, p. 65. P. 92. Of him that wolde set, &>c. In the Scholehouse of Women, 1542, the same story is differently related : " A husband man, having good trust His wife to him bad be agreeable, Thought to attempt if she had be reformable, Bad her take the pot, that sod over the fire, And set it aboove upon the astire. She answered him : ' I hold thee mad, And I more fool, by Saint Marline ; Thy dinner is redy, as thou me bad, And time it were that thou shouldst dine, And thou wilt not, I will go to mine. ' I bid thee (said he) vere up the pot.' ' A ha ! (she said) I trow thou dote.' Up she goeth for fear, at last, No question mooved where it should stand Upon his hed the pottage she cast, And heeld the pot stil in her hand, Said and swore, he might her trust, She would with the pottage do what her lust." As this story in the C. Mery Talys is defective in consequence of the mutilation of the only known copy, the foregoing extract becomes valu- able, as it exhibits what was probably the sequel in the prose version, from which the author of the Scholehouse of Women was no doubt a borrower. P. loi. If a thousands soules may dance on a manncs nayle. This is a different form of the common saying that a thousand angels tan stand Notes. 1 29 on the point of the needle. "One querying another, whether a thousand angels might stand on the point of a needle, another replied, ' That was a needles point.' " Ward's Diary, ed. 1839, p. 94. P. 106. Scot, in his Discovery of Witchcraft, 1584, ed. 1651, p. 191, has a story, which bears the mark of being the same as the one here entitled : " Of the parson that stale the mylner's elys." The passage in Scot, which may help to supply the unfortunate lacuna in the C. Mery Talys, is as follows : " So it was, that a certain Sir John, with some of his company, once went abroad jetting, and in a moon-light evening, robbed a miller's weire and stole all his eeles. The poor miller made his mone to Sir John himself, who willed him to be quiet; for he would so curse the theef, and all his confederates, with bell, book, and candel, that they should have small joy of their fish. And therefore the next Sunday, Sir John got him to the pulpit, with his surplisse on his back, and his stole about his neck, and pronounced these words following in the audience of the people : ' All you that have stolne the millers eeles, Laudatc Dominum de coelis, And all they that have consented thereto, Benedicamus Domino! Lo, (saith he) there is savoe for your eeles, my masters." P. 108. Of the parson that sayde masse of requiem, &>c. This story- is also in Scoggin's Jests, 1626, and perhaps the lacunae may be supplied from that source. Thus (the words supplied from Scoggin's Jests are in italics): "Then quod the prest : tel thy mayster that he must say the Masse which doth begin -with a great R. [when the boy returned, the Prest asked him whether the Parson had told him what] masse, &c." And again, a line or two lower down, there can be no doubt, on a comparison of Scoggin's Jests, p. 74, what the missing words are. We ought to read : " but he bad me tell you it began with a great R." f afS, aufc qtucfcc ansfocrcs, berg mcry, anU pleasant to relic. IMPRINTED at London Fleete strete PAGE Of hym that rode out of London, and had his seruaunt folowynge hym onfoote. i. . . . 15 IF Of hym that preached on saynte Christofers day. ii 16 IF Of the frenche man that stroue with the Janwaye for his armes, iii ib. IF Of the curate that sayde our lorde fedde fyue hundred persones. iiii 17 If Of hym that profered his daughter to one in maryage. v 18 IF Of the men of the countrey, that came to London to bye a crucifixe of wodde. vi. . ib. T Ofhymthatfolo'wedhis'wyfetoburyeng. vii. 19 IF Of hym thatfelle in to thefyre. viii. . . . ib. IF Of hym that vsed to calle his seruaunte the kynge of fooles. ix 20 IF Of the yonge woman, that sorowed so greatly the deathe of her husbande. x 21 IF Of hym that kyssed the fayre mayde with the longe nose, xi *b- K 2 2 able. IF Of the vplandysshe mans answere concernyng the steple and pulpytte, xii 23 IF Of the beggers aunswere to mayster Skelton the poete. xiii ib. IF Of the chaplen that sayde our ladye mattens lyenge in his bedde. xiiii 24 IF Of hym that loste his purse in London, xv. . 25 IF Of the marchaunt that loste his boudget be- twene ware and London, xvi 26 IF Of him that was called kockold. xvii. . . . 27- 7 Of the iolus man. xviii 28 IF Of the fat woman that sat and solde frute. xix. ib. IF Of apoller that begyled a preste. xx. . . . 29 IF Of Papirius pretextatus. xxi 31 IF aboute, To preche and eek to begge, it is no double. " CHAUCER'S Sontpnour's Tale; Works, ed. Bell. ii. 103. (2) Scrowl. 52 Tales ana to knowe newes) the sayd scrowes were redde, in which was writen in Italian speche : Donna, sifili et cadeti lo fitso, Quando ti pieghi, tieni lo fulo ckiuso.(i) Which is to saye in englysshe : woman, if thou spynne, and thy spyndell falle awaye, whan thou stoupest to reache for him, holde thyne **** close. He sayde, that this passed all the preceptes and medicines of the phisitians. By whiche tale one may lerne, that all is naf gospell that suche wanderers about saye, nor euerye word to be beleued : For often tymes : Gelidusjacet anguis in herbd. ^ Of the phisition, that vsed to write by lies ouer cue. xxxviii. H A CERTAYNE phisitian of Italy vsed ouer night to write for sondry diseasis diuers billes, called resceitz, and to put them in a bag al to gether. In the morning whan the vrins (as the custome is) were brought to him, and he [was] desired to showe some remedy, he wolde put his hand in to the bag, and at al auentures take oute a bille. And in takinge oute the bille he wolde say to him that came to seke remedye in 'their language : Prega dio te la (i) In orig and in Singer this is printed as prose, according to the usual practice. The same is the case with the line below. Quicke Answer es. 53 mandi bona. That is to saye : Praye God to sende the a good one. By this tale ye may se, that miserable is their state whiche fortune muste helpe and nat reason. Suche a phisitian on a tyme sayde to Pausanias : Thou aylest nothinge. No, sayde he, I haue nat had to do with thy phisicke. And an other tyme a frende of his sayde : Syr, ye ought not to blame that phisitian : for his phisicke dyd you neuer hurte. Thou sayest trouthe, quod he : for, if I hadde proued his phisicke, I shulde nat nowe haue been alyue. And ageyne to an other that sayde : Syr, ye be an olde man, he answered : yea, thou were nat my phisitian. Such maner [of] checkes are to lyttell for the leude foles, that wyll practise phisicke, before they knowe what [bejlongeth to theyr name. "f Of hym that ivolde confesse hym by writinge. xxxix. ^ THER was a yonge man on a tyme, which wrote a longe lybell * of his synnes ; whether he did hit for hypocrisy, folysshenesse, or oblyuion I can not say : and whan he shulde confesse him, he gaue hit to the confessour to rede : whiche confessor, (i) Narrative or account. In its original signification, libel merely implied libellus, a little book or volume, a pamphlet, but not necessarily one of an offensive kind. N 54 Tales and beinge well lerned and experte in that busynes, parceyued hit wolde requyre a longe tyme to rede ouer : wherfore after a fewe wordes he sayde : I assoyle the frome all the synnes conteyned in this lybell. Yea, but what shall my penaunce be, quod the yonge man? Nothinge els, sayde the con- fessour, but that thou shalte the space of a moneth rede this lybell ouer euery daye vii tymes. And all thoughe he sayde it was impossyble for him to do, yet the confessour wolde nat chaunge his sen- tence. By which mery subtyle answere he confuted the breble brable * of the folysshe felowe. By this tale ye may perceyue that he that occu- pyeth this office, that is to saye, a confessour, ought to be discrete, prudent, and well lernedde. This confessour knewe well the ordinaunce of holye churche : whiche wylleth confession to be made with the mouthe, and nat by wrytynge. ^ Of the hermite of Padowe. xl. ^ AN hermite of Padow, 2 that was reputed for an holy man, vnder the semblaunce of confession, (1) Silly and licentious talk. Taylor the Water-Poet, at the end of his Wit and Mirth, 1622 ( Works, 1630, folio I. p. 200), uses the ex- pression Ribble-rabble of Gossips, which seems to be a phrase of very similar import. (2) Padua. . Quicke A nsweres. 55 entyced many of the notablest wyues of the towne vnto folye and lewednes. So at last, whan his offence was dyuulgate and knowen (for hypocrisy can nat longe be hid) he was taken by the prouost, and brought before the prince of Padowe, duke Francis the vii of that name, whiche for his dis- porte sent for his secretarye, to wryte the womens names, that the hermit had layen by. Whan the hermyte had rehersed manye of the dukes ser- uantes wyues, and the secretarye merely laughenge had writen them, he sented as he had al said. Be there any mo, sayde the duke ? No forsothe, said the hermite. Tel vs trouth, quod the secretarie, who be mo, or els thou shalte be sharply pun- isshed. Than the hermyte sighinge said : Go to, write in thin owne wife amonge the nomber of the other ; which saienge so sore greued the secre- tarye, that the penne felle out of his hande and the duke laughed right hartily, and sayde it was well done : that he that with so great pleasure harde the fautes of other mennes wyues, shulde come in the same nombre. By this ieste we may lerne, that one ought nat to reioyce at an others grefe or hurte : For lytell woteth a man what hangeth ouer his owne heed. N 2 56 Tales and H Of the Uplandysshe man, that sawe the kynge. xli. ^ AN vplandysshe man, nourysshed in the woddes, came on a tyme to the citie, whanne all the stretes were full of people, and the common voyce amonge them was : The kynge cometh. This rurall manne, moued with noueltie of that voyce, had great desyre to se, what that multitude houed 1 to beholde. Sodaynly the kynge, with many nobuls and states before hym, came rydynge royally. Than the people all about stedfastly behelde the kynge and cryed aloude : God saue the kynge : God saue the kynge. This villayne 2 herynge them crye so, sayde : O where is the kynge, where is the kynge 1 Than one, shewynge hym the kynge, sayde : yonder is he, that rydeth upon the goodly whyte horse. Is that the kyng, quod the villayne ? what, thou mockest me, quod he ; me thinke that is a man in a peynted garment By this tale ye may perceyue (as Lycurgus proued by experience) that nourysshynge, good bryngynge vp and exercyse ben more apte to leade folke to (i) Hovered. This form of the word is used by Gower and Spenser. See Nares (ed. 1859), voce Hove, (a) Rustic. Quicke A nsweres. 57 humanite and the doynge of honest thynges than Nature her selfe. They for the mooste part are noble, free, and vertuous, whiche in their youthe bene well nourysshed vp, and vertuously en- doctryned. 1T Of the courtier that bad the boy holde his horse, xlii. T A COURTIER on a tyrae that alyghted of his horse at an Inde T gate sayde to a boye that stode therby : Ho, syr boye, holde my horse. The boye, as he had ben aferde, answered : O maister, this a fierce horse ; is one able to holde him 1 Yes, quod the courtier, one may holde hym well inough. Well, quod the boye, if one be able inough, than I pray you holde hym your owne selfe. 2 If Of the deceytfull scriuener. xliii. ^ A CERTAYNE scriuener, whiche hadde but a bare lyuynge by his crafte, imagyned howe he myght gette money. So he came to a yonge man, and asked hyki if he were payde x li. whiche a certayne man, that was deade, borowed and ought to paye his father in tyme paste. The yonge manne sayde (i) Inn. (2) See Introduction vi. 58 Tales and there was no such duetye 1 owynge in his father's name, that he knewe of. It is of trouthe, quod the scriuener : for here is the oblygacyon therof, whiche I made my selfe. He prouoked the yonge manne so moche, that he gaue hym money for the oblygation, and before the mayre he required the duetie. His sonne, that was named to be dettour, sayde playnely, that his father neuer borowed money : for if he had, it wolde appere by his bokes, after the marchantes' maner. And forth with he went to the scriuener and sayde to hym, that he was a false man to write a thing that neuer was done. Sonne, sayde the scriuener, thou wotteste nat what was done that tyme : whan thy father borowed that somme of money, thou were nat borne : but he payde it agayne within thre monthes after, I made the quittance therof my selfe : wherby thy father is discharged. So the yonge man was faine to gyue hym money for the quittaunce. And whan he had shewed the quit- taunce he was discharged of that greuance. Thus by his faire fraude he scraped money from them bothe. By this tale ye may se, that the children in this our tyme be very prudent to get money. (i) Debt. Quicke A nsw eres. 59 ^ Of hym that saide he beleued his wyfe better than other, that she was chaste, xliiii. * A CERTAYNE man, whose wyfe (as the voyce wente) was nat very chaste of her bodye, was warned of his frendes to loke better to the matter. The man wente home and sharpely rebuked his wyfe, and told her betwene them bothe, what his frendes had sayde. She, knowynge that periurye was no greatter offence than aduoutry, 1 with wepynge and swerynge defended her honestie : and bare her husbande on hande, that they feyned those tales for enuye that they hadde to se them lyue so quietly. With those wordes her husbande was content and pleased. So yet an other tyme agayne, his frendes warned him of his wyfe, and badde hym rebuke and chastice her. To whome he sayd : I pray you trouble me no more with suche wordes. Telle me, whether knoweth better my wiue's fautes, you or she ] They sayde : She. And she (quod he), whom I beleue better than you all, sayth playnly, that ye lye. This was well and (i) Adultery. The word occurs in Bacon's Essays. In his Essay of Empire, the writer says : " This kind of danger is then to be feared chiefly when the wives have plots for the raising of their own children, or else that they be advoutrcsscs." Sir Simonds D'Ewes, in his account of the murder of Sir Thomas Overbury, in 1613, describes the Countess of Essex as "Somerset's advoutress" (Autobiography and Correspon- dence of Sir Simonds D'Ewes, ed. Halliwell, I. 74). 60 Tales and wysely done : For one ought nat to gyue light credence to those thinges, wherin resteth per- petuall grefe of mynde. ^ Of hym that pay de his dette with crienge lea. xlv. ^ THERE was a man on a tyme, which toke as moche ware of a marchaunt, as drewe to fyftie li. and riottously playde and spente the same awaye within shorte space. So whanne the day of paye- mente came, he hadde nother J moneye nor ware to paye : wherfore he was arrested, and muste come before the Justyce ; whan he sawe there was none other remedye, but that he shulde be constrayned eyther to pay the dette, or else to go to prison. Wherfore he went to a subtyle man of lawe, and shewed to hym his matter, and desyred of hym 2 his counsayle and helpe. What wylt thou gyue me (quod the man of lawe), if I rydde the of this dette ? By my faythe, sayde the dettour, v marke : and lo, here it is redy ; as sone as I am quitte, ye shall haue hit. G*ood inough, quod the man of lawe ; but thou muste be ruled by my counsaile, and thus do. Whan thou comest before the Jus- tice, what som euer be saye 3 vnto the, loke that fi) An old form of neither. (2) In orig. desired him of. (3) Orig. reads sayd. Quicke A nsweres. 61 thou answere to nothing, but cry bea styl : and lette me alone with the reste. Content, quod he. So, whan they were com before the Justice, he said to the dettour : doste thou owe this marchant this somme of money or no 1 Bea ! quod he. What beste ! (quod the Justice) answere to thy plaint, orels thou wilte be condemned. Bea ! quod he agayne. Than his man of lawe stode forth, and sayd : Sir, this man is but an ideot. Who wolde beleue that this marchaunt, whiche is both wyse and subtyle, wolde truste this ideot, that can speke neuer a redy worde, of xl peny worth of ware ? and so with suche reasons he perswaded the Justyce to caste the marchaunt in his owne action. So whan the sentence was gyuen, the man of lawe drewe the dettour asyde, and said : Lo, howe sayst thou nowe 1 Haue not I done well for the 1 Thou arte clere quitte of the dette that was demanded of the : wherfore giue me my money, and God be with the. Bea ! quod he- What, quod the laweer, thou nedest not to crie bea no longer ; thy matter is dispatched ; all is at a poynt, there resteth nothynge but to gyue me my wages, that thou promysyddest. Bea ! quod he agayne. I saye, quod the man of lawe, crie bea no longer nowe, but gyue me my money. Bea ! quod he. Thus the man of lawe, neyther for fayre 62 Tales and nor foule, could e gette any other thinge of his client but Bea : wherfore all angerly he departed, and went his waye. By this tale ye may perceyue, that they whiche be the inuenters and diuisers of fraude and disceit, ben often times therby deceyued them selfe. And he, that hath hyd a snare to attrap an other with, hath hym selfe ben taken therin. ^ Of the woman that appeledfro kyng Philip to kynge Philippe, xlvi. ^ A WOMAN, whiche [was] gyltlesse, on a tyme was condempned by kynge Philippe of Macedone, whan he was not sobre : wherfore she sayde : I appele. Whether 1 , quod the kynge? To kynge Philippe, quod she ; but that is whan he is more sobre and better aduysed ; whiche sayenge caused the kynge to loke better on the matter, and to do her ryght. This wryteth Val. Maximus. But Plutarche sayth, it was a man, and kynge Philip was halfe a slepe, whan he gaue sentence. (i) Whither. Quicke A nsiveres. 63 IT Of the olde woman, that prayde for the welfare of the tyrant Denise. xlvii. ^ WHAT tyme Denyse 1 the tyranne raygned, for his cruelte and intolerable dealynge he was hated of all the 2 cite of Syracuse, and euery body wysshed his dethe, saue one olde woman, the whiche euery morning praid God to saue him in good life and helth. Whan he vnderstode that she so dyd, he meruailed greatly at her vn- deserued beniuolence : wherfore he sente for her, and asked, why and howe he had deserued, that she prayde for hym 1 She answered and sayd : I do it nat with out a cause. For, whan I was a mayde, we had a tyran raignynge ouer us, whose death I greatly desyred ; whan he was slayne, there succided an other yet more cruell than he, out of whose gouernance to be also deliuered I thought it a hygh benifyte. The thyrde is thy selfe, that haste begon to raygne ouer vs more importunately 3 than either of the other two. Thus, fearynge leest, whan thou arte gone, a worse shuld succede and reigne ouer vs, I praye God dayly to preserue the in helthe. (i) Dionysius. (2) Orig. reads cite. (3) Importunate seems to be used here in the sense of oppressive or overbearing. 64 Tales and ^ Of the phisitian Eumonus. xlviii. H A PHISITIAN called Eumonus tolde a sicke man, that laye in great payne, that he coulde nat scape, but he muste nedes dye of that disese. This sicke man within a whyle after, nat by the phisitians helpe, but by the wille of God, guerysshed 1 and was holle of his disease : howe be hit, he was very^ lowe and bare 2 broughte. And as he walked forth on a daye, he met the same phisytian, whiche, doubtynge whether hit were the same sycke man or nat, sayd : Arte nat thou Gaius 1 yes, truelye, quod he. Arte thou alyue or deed, sayde the phisitian ? I am deed, quod he. What doste thou here than, said the phisitian 1 Bycause, quod he, that I haue experience of many thinges, God hath commanded me that I shulde come and take vp all the phisitians that I can get, to him. Whiche sayenge made Eumonus as pale as asshes for fere. Than Gaius sayd to him : drede thou nat, Eumonus, thoughe I sayd all phisitians : for there is no man that hath wytte, that wylle take the for one. (i) Fr. "guerir," to heal. (2) Poor, or, perhaps, poorly. Quicke Answeres. 65 *$ Of Socrates and his scoldinge wyfe. xlix. IT LAERTIUS wryteth, that the wyse man Socrates had a coursed scoldinge wyfe, called Xantippe, the whiche on a daye after she hadde alto 1 chydde him powred a ***** potte on his heed. He, takynge all paciently, sayde : dyd nat I tell you that, whan I herde Xantippe thonder so fast, that it wolde rayne anone after ? Wherby ye maye se, that the wyser a man is, the more pacience he taketh. The wyse poet Virgil sayth : all fortune by suffrance must be ouercome. ' Of the phisitian that bare his paciente on honde, he had eaten an asse. 1. H A PHISITIAN, which had but smalle lerning, vsed whan he came to viset his pacientes to touche the pulce ; and if any appayred, he wolde lay the blame on the paciente, and beare him on hande, 2 that he did eate fygges, apples, or some other thinge that he forbade : and bicause the pacientes other whyle confessed the same, they thought he (i) Orig. reads all to. We take the true reading to be alto, as above, i.e. in a loud key. (a) Delude him with the false notion. To bear on hande, I presume to be synonymous with To bear in hande, of the use of which among old authors several examples are furnished by Nares (edit. 1859). 66 Tales and had ben a very connynge man. His seruante hadde great maruayle, howe he parceyued that, and de- syred his mayster to telle hym, whether he knewe hit by touching of the pulce, orels by some other hygher knowlege. Than sayde his mayster : for the good sendee that thou haste done me, I wyll open to the this secrete point. Whan I come in to the pacientes chamber, I loke al a bout : and, if I spye in the flore shales, 1 parynge of chese, of aples, or of peares, or any other scrappes, anone I coniecte, 2 that the paciente hoth eaten thereof. And so to th' ende I wold be blameles, I lay the faute on theyr mysdiettynge. Nat longe after, the same seruaunte toke on hym to practise physike, whyche in lyke maner blamed his pacientes, and sayde, that they kepte nat the diete that he gaue them ; and he bare them on hande that they yete some what, wherof he sawe the scrappes in the flore. On a tyme he cam to a poure man of the countre, and promysed to make him hole, if he wolde be gouerned after him, and sa gaue him to drinke I wote nat what, and went his waye tyll on 3 the morowe. Whan he came agayne, he founde the man sicker than euer he was. The rude fole, nat Jcnowinge the cause, behelde here and there aboute, and whan he coude d) Shells. (2) Conjecture. (3) Orig. and Singer read an. Quicke Answeres. 67 se no skrappes nor parynges, he was sore troubled in his mynde. So at the last he espied a saddel vnder the bed. Than said he all a loude, that he hadde at length parceyued, howe the sicke man enpayred : he hath so excessiuely passed diete (quod he), that I wonder he is nat deed. How so, quod they 1 ? Marye, quod he, ye haue made him to eate an holle asse ! Lo, where the saddell lyethe yet vnder the bedde. For he thoughte the saddell had be lefte of the asse, as bones are of fleshe. For which folysshnes he was well laughed to skorne and mocked. Thus as a good faythfull phisitian is worthy of greate honour : for truely of hym dependethe the greattest parte of mans helthe, so lyke wyse a folysshe and an vnlerned, that thynkethe to cure with wordes, that he ought to do with herbes, is nat onely worthy to be deryded and mocked, but also punysshed : for nothynge is more perillous. ^ Of the inholders wyfe and her it loners, li. **' If NERE vnto Florence dwelled an inholder, whos wyfe was nat very dangerous of her tayle. Vpon a nyghte as she was a bed with one of her louers, there came a nother to haue lyen with her. Whan (i) Innkeeper. (2) Jealous, careful. P --^*--*-0 68 Tales and she herde him come vp the ladder, she met him, and bade hym go thence, for she hadde no tyme than to fulfylle his pleasure. But for all her wordes he wolde nat go a waye, but stylle preaced 1 to come in. So longe they stode chydinge, that the good man came vpon them, and asked them why they brauled so. The woman, nat unprouyded of a disceytefull answere, sayde : Syr, this man wolde come in per force to slee or myschiefe an other, that is fled in to our house for succoure; and hitherto I haue kepte him backe. Whan he, that was within, herde her saye so, he beganne to plucke vp his harte and say, he wold be a wreked 2 on him withoute. And he that was withoute made a face, as he wolde kylle him that was within. The folysshe man, her husbande, enquered the cause of theyr debate, and toke vpon him to sette them at one. 3 And so the good sely man spake and made the pese betwene them both ; yea, and farther he gaue them a gallon of wyne, addynge to his wiues aduoutry the losse of his wine. ^ Of hym that healed franticke men. Hi. ^ THERE dwelled a man in Italy, whiche vsed to heale men, that were franticke, on this maner. (i) Pressed. (2) Wreaked, revenged. (3) Reconcile them. Quicke Answeres. 69 He had within his house a gutter, or a ditche, full of water, wherin he wold put them, some to the middell legge, some to the knee, and some dypper, as they were madde. 1 So one that wsji well amended, and wente aboute the house to do one thinge and other for his meate, as he stode on a tyme at the gate, lokinge in to the strete, he sawe a gentyll man ryde by with a great sorte 2 of haukes and houndes ; the which he called to him and said : you gentyll man, whither go ye ? On huntynge, quod the gentyll man. What do you with all those kytes and dogges, quod he 1 ? They be haukes and houndes, quod the gentyll man. Wherfore kepe you them, quod the other 1 For my pleasure, quod the gentyl man. What costeth it you a yere to kepe them, quod the other ? XL duckettes, quod the gentyll man. And what do they profytte you, quod he ? Foure duckettes, quod the gentyll man. Gette the lyghtlye hense, quod the madde man : for, if my mayster come and fynde the here, he wyll put the in to the gutter vp to the throte. This tale toucheth suche young gentyll menne, that dispende ouer moche good 3 on haukes, houndes, and other trifils. (1) i. e. according to their degree of madness. See Introduction, viii. ix. (2) Assortment. (3) Goods. O 70 Tales and 1 Of hym that sayde he was not worthy to open the gate to the kynge. liii. ^1 As a kynge of Englande hunted on a tyme in the countie of Kent, he hapte to come rydynge to a great gate, wherby stode a husbande man of the countrey, to whom the kynge sayde : good felowe, putte open the gate. The man perceyuynge it was the kynge, sayde : no, and please your grace., I am nat worthy; but I wyll go fetche Mayster Couper, that dwelleth nat past ij myles hense, and he shal open to you the .gate. 1 Of mayster Uauasour and Turpin his man. liiii. ^ MAYSTER Vauasour, 1 sometyme a iudge of Eng- lande, hadde a seruaunt with hym called Turpin, whiche had done hym seruyce many yeres ; wher- fore he came vnto his mayster on a tyme, and sayde to hym on this wyse : syr, I haue done you seruice longe ; wherfore I pray you gyue me somwhat to helpe me in myn old age. Turpin, (i) This old Yorkshire family produced several persons eminent in the legal profession from the time of Henry I. downward ; but the one here intended was, in all probability, John Vavasour, who became Recorder of York, i Henry VII., and was made a justice of the Common Pleas in August, 1490. See Foss's Judges of England, v. 78, 79. Quicke A nsweres. 7 1 quod he, them sayst trouthe, and hereon I haue thought many a tyme ; I wyll tell the, what thou shalt do. Nowe shortly I must ride vp to London ; and, if thou wilt beare my costis thether, I wyll surely gyue the suche a thing, that shall be worth to the an hundred pounde. I am contente, quod Turpin. So all the waye as he rode Turpin payd his costis, tyll they came to theyr last lodginge : and there after souper he cam to his mayster and sayde : sir, I haue born your costes hitherto, as ye badde me ; nowe, I pray you let me se, what thynge hit is, that shulde be worthe an hundred pounde to me. Dyd I promise the suche a thynge, quod his maister ? ye, forsoth, quod Turpin. Shewe me thy wrytinge, quod maister Vauasour. I haue none, sayde Turpin. Than thou arte lyke to haue nothinge, sayde his maister. And lerne this at me. 1 Whan so euer thou makest a bargayne with a man, loke that thou take sure wrytynge, and be well ware howe thou makest a writynge to any man. This poynte hath vayled 2 me an hundred pounde in my dayes : and so hit may the. Whan Turpin sawe there was none other remedy, he helde him selfe contente. On the morowe Turpin taryed a lytelle behynde his mayster to reken with the hostes, where they laye, and of her he borowed so (i) Of me. (2) i. e. availed, has been worth .100 to me. O 2 J2 Tales and moche money on his maysters skarlet cloke, as drewe to 1 all the costes that they spente by the waye. Mayster Vauasour had nat ryden past ii myle but that it began to rayne; wherfore he calledde for his cloke. His other seruauntes saide, Turpin was behinde, and had hit with him. So they houedde 2 vnder a tre, tylle Turpin ouer toke them. Whan he was come, Mayster Vauasour all angerly sayde : thou knaue, why comest thou nat aweye with my cloke ? Syr, and please you, quod Turpin, I haue layde hit to gage 3 for your costes al the waye. Why, knaue, quod his mayster, diddiste thou nat promyse to beare my charges to London? Dyd I, quod Turpin? ye, quod his mayster, that thou diddest. Let se, shew me your wriytinge therof, quod Turpin ; wherto his mayster, I thinke, answered but lytelL IF Of hym that sought his wyfe agaynst the streme. Iv. H A MAN the[re] was whose wyfe, as she came ouer a bridg, fell in to the ryuer and was drowned ; wherfore he wente and sought for her vpward against the stream, wherat his neighboures, that (1) i. e. came to, or amounted to, covered. (2) Hovered, i. e. halted for shelter. (3) Laid it in pledge. Quicke Answeres. 73 wente with hym, maruayled, and sayde he dyd nought, he shulde go seke her downeward with the streme. Naye, quod he, I am sure I shall neuer fynde her that waye : for she was so waywarde and so contrary to euery thynge, while she lyuedde, that I knowe very well nowe she is deed, she wyll go a gaynste the stream. "I Of hym that at a skyrmyshe defended him with his feet. Ivi. ^1 A LUSTYE yonge gentyll man of France, that on a tyme was at a skyrmysshe, and defended him selfe valyantly with his feet, came in to the courte, in to a chambre amonge ladies, with a goodly ringe vpon his fynger, to whom a fayre lady sayde : syr, why weare ye that rynge vpon your fynger 1 Wher- fore aske you, madame, quod he ] Bycause (sayde she) your feet dyd you better seruice than your handes at the last skyrmysshe that ye were at. By this tale yonge men may lerne to beare them well and valyantly for drede of reproche. Better it is with worshyp to dye than with shame to lyue, albe hit that Demosthenes sayde : he that fleethe cometh agayne to batayle. 74 Tales and ^ Of hym that -wolde gyue a songe for his dyner. Ivii. H THERE came a felowe on a tyme in to a tauerne, and called for meate. So, whan he had well dyned, the tauerner came to reken and to haue his money, to whom the felowe sayde, he had no money, but I wyll, quod he, contente you with songes. Naye, quod the tauerner, I nede nt> songes, I must haue money. Whye, quod the felowe, if I synge a songe to your pleasure, will ye nat than be contente ? yes, quod the tauerner. So he began, and songe thre or foure balades, and asked if he were pleased ? No, sayde the tauerner. Than he opened his pourse, and beganne to synge thus : Whan you haue dyned make no delaye But paye your oste, and go your waye. Dothe this songe please you, quod he ? Yes, marye, sayd the tauerner, this pleaseth me well. Than, as couenant was (quod the felowe), ye be paide for your vitaile. And so he departed, and wente his waye. This tale sheweth, that a man may be to hastye in makynge of a bargayne and couenantynge ; and therfore a man ought to take good hede, what Quicke Answeres. 75 he sayth : for one worde may bynde a man to great inconuenience, if the matter be weighty. If Of the foole that thought hym selfe deed. Iviii. ^ THERE was a felowe dwellynge at Florence, called Nigniaca, whiche was nat verye wyse, nor all a foole, but merye and iocunde. A sorte l of yonge men, for to laughe and pastyme, appoynted to gether to make hym beleue that he was sycke. So, whan they were agreed howe they wolde do, one of them mette hym in the mornynge, as he came out of his house, and bad him good morowe, and than asked him, if he were nat yl at ease 1 No, quod the foole, I ayle nothynge, I thanke God. By my faith, ye haue a sickely pale colour, quod the other, and wente his waye. Anone after, an other of them mette hym, and asked hym if he had nat an ague : for your face and colour (quod he) sheweth that ye be very sycke. Than the foole beganne a lyttel to doubt, whether he were sycke or no : for he halfe beleued that they sayd trouth. Whan he had gone a lytel farther, the thyrde man mette hym, and sayde : Jesu ! manne, what do you out of your bed 1 ye (i) Knot, party. 76 Tales and loke as ye wolde nat lyue an houre to an ende. Nowe he doubted greatly, and thought verily in his mynde, that he had hadde some sharpe ague ; wherfore he stode styll and wolde go no further ; and, as he stode, the fourth man came and sayde : Jesu ! man, what dost thou here, and arte so sycke ? Gette the home to thy bedde : for I parceyue thou canste nat lyue an houre to an ende. Than the foles harte beganne to feynte, 1 and [he] prayde this laste man that came to hym to helpe hym home. Yes, quod he, I wyll do as moche for the as for myn owne brother. So home he brought hym, and layde hym in his bed, and than he fared with hym selfe, as thoughe he wolde gyue vp the gooste. Forth with came the other felowes, and saide he hadde well done to lay hym in his bedde. Anone after, came one whiche toke on hym to be a phisitian ; whiche, touchynge the pulse, sayde the malady was so vehement, that he coulde nat lyue an houre. So they, standynge aboute the bedde, sayde one to an other : nowe he gothe his waye : for his speche and syght fayle him ; by and by he wyll yelde vp the goste. Therfore lette vs close his eyes, and laye his hands a crosse, and cary hym forth to be buryed. And than they sayde lamentynge (i) To grow faint. Quicke A nsweres, 77 one to an other : O ! what a losse haue we of this good felowe, our frende ? The foole laye stylle, as one [that] were deade ; yea, and thought in his mynde, that he was deade in dede. So they layde hym on a here, and caryed hym through the cite. And whan any body asked them what they caryed, they sayd the corps of Nigniaca to his graue. And euer as they went, people drew about them. Among the prece 1 ther was a tauerners boy, the whiche, whan he herde that it was the cors of Nigniaca, he said to them : O ! what a vile bestly knaue, and what a stronge thefe is deed ! by the masse, he was well worthy to haue ben hanged longe ago. Whan the fole harde those wordes, he put out his heed and sayd : I wys, horeson, if I were alyue nowe, as I am deed, I wolde proue the a false Iyer to thy face. They, that caryed him, began to laugh so hartilye, that they sette downe the bere, and wente theyr waye. By this tale ye maye se, what the perswasion of many doth. Certaynly he is very wyse, that is nat inclined to foly, if he be stered therevnto by a multitude. Yet sapience is founde in fewe persones : and they be lyghtly 2 olde sob re men. 3 (i) Crowd. (2} Usually. See Nares, edit. 1859, in voce. (3) This story is to be found in Poggius, who calls it Mortuus Loquens, and from Poggius it was transferred by Grazzini to his collection of Tales, not published till after his death 78 Tales and ^ Of the olde man and his sonne that brought his asse to the towne to s'ylle. lix. ^ AN olde man on a tyme and a lyttell boye his sonne droue a litel asse before them, whiche he purposed to sylle at the markette towne, that they went to. And bicause he so dyd, the folkes that wrought by the way syde, blamed hym ; wherfore he set vp his sonne, and went hym selfe on fote. Other, that sawe that, called hym foole, by cause he lette the yonge boye ryde, and he, beynge so aged, to goo a foote. Than he toke downe the boye, and lepte vp and rode hym selfe. Whanne he hadde rydden a lyttell waye, he harde other that blamed hym, bycause he made the lyttell yonge boye ronne after as a seruaunte, and he his father to ryde. Than he sette vppe the boye be- hynde hym, and so rode forthe. Anone he mette with other, that asked hym if the asse were his owne, by whiche wordes he con- iected, that he did nat wel so to ouercharge the lyttell sely asse, that vnethe 1 was able to beare one. Thus he, troubled with their dyuers and manyfolde opinions ; whiche, neither with his asse vacant, nor he alone, nor his sonne alone, nor (i) Scarcely. Quicke A nsweres, 79 bothe to gather rydyng at ones on the asse, coulde passe forth with out detraction and blame. Wher- fore at last he bounde the asse[s] feet to gether, and put through a staffe ; and so he and his sonne began to beare the asse betwene them on their shulders to the towne. The nouelte of whiche syght caused euery body to laughe and blame the folysshenes of them both. The sely olde man was so sore agreued that, as he sat and rested hym on a ryuers syde, he threwe his asse in to the water ; and so whan he had drowned his asse he tourned home agayne. Thus the good man, desyrynge to please euerye bodye, contentynge none at all, loste his asse. By this tale appereth playnelye, that they, whiche commyt them selfe to the opinion of the common people, ben oppressed with great myserye and seruage : for how is it possible to please all, whan euerye man hath a dyuers opinion, and dyuerslye iudgeth 1 and that was well knowen to the poet, whan he sayde : Scinditur tncertum studio, in contraria vulgus. And as Cicero, Persius, and Flaccus say: as many men so many myndes : as many heedes so many wyttes. That, that pleaseth one, displeaseth an other : Fewe alowe that that they loue nat : and 8o Tales and that that a man aloweth, he thynketh good. Ther- fore the beste is, that euery man lyue well, as a good Christen man shulde, and care nat for the vayne wordes and ianglynge of the people. For bablynge (as Plutarchus sayth) is a greuous disease, and harde to be remedied. For that that shulde heale it (which is wordes of wisdome) cureth them that harkneth there vnto ; but pratlers wille here none but them selfe. ^ Of him that sottght his asse and rode on his backe. Ix. ^ THERE was in the countrey of Florence an husbande man, that vsed to carye corne to the market vpon many lytell asses. On a time as he came home warde, bycause he was somewhat werye, to ease him selfe, he rode on one the strongest of them. And as he rode, dryuinge his asses before him, he counted them, and forgot the asse that he rode on ; wherfore he thought still that he lacked one. Thus sore troubled in his mynde, he bad his wyfe set vp his asses, and hastily rode agayne backe to the towne vii myles of, to seke the asse that he rode on. He asked euery body that he met, if they sawe an asse straye alone. Whan he herde euery bodye saye they sawe none suche, Quicke A nsweres. 8 1 makynge great sorowe, he retourned home agayne. At laste, whan he was alyghted his wyfe parceyued and shewedde hym playnlye, that the asse, that he rode on, was the same that he soughte, and made suche sorowe fore. This ieste may be well applied vnto suche as note the defautes, that they lyghtly 1 spy in other, and take none hede, nor can nat se, what ils they haue or 2 bene spotted with them selfe. ' The answere of Fabius to Liuius. Ixi. ^ WHAN Anniball, the capitayne of Cartage, had conquered Tarent (a towne perteinyng to the Romayns), all saue the castell, and had lefte a garnison to kepe it, whan the worthy Romayne Fabius had knowelege therof, he pryuely con- ducted an armye thether, and got the towne agayne, and pylled 3 it. Than M. Liuius that kepte the castell with a garnison, sayde bostynge him selfe, that Fabius had gotte the towne through him and (i) Readily. A story very like this occurs in A Sackful of Nerves, 1673. It was originally related by Poggius in his Facetiae, where it is entitled Asinus Perditus, and it has been imitated by La Fontaine in the fable of " Le Villageois qui cherche son veau." It is also the izth tale of Les Cent Nouvelles Nouvelles. (2) Before. (3) Pillaged. 82 Tales and his helpe. You saye trouth, quod Fabius : for if you had nat loste the towne, I shulde neuer haue gotte hit. x ^ The answere of Poltis, the kynge of Thrace, to the Troyan embassadors? Ixii. ^ PLUTARCHE lyke wyse reherseth that, durynge the warre of Troy, the Grekes and also the Troians sente ambassadours to a kynge of Thrace calledde Poltis, whiche kynge answered th ambassadours and bade, that Alexandre shulde delyuer agayne Helayne (for she was the cause of the warre), and he wolde gyue him ii fayre wyues for her. (1) " Now there was one Marcus Livius, a ROMAINE that was Go- uernour of TARENTUM at that time when Hanniball tooke it, and never- thelesse kept the castell still out of Hannibals hands, and so held it untill the city came againe into the hands of the ROMAINES. This Livius spited to see such honour done to Fabius, so that one day in open Senate, being drowned with enuy and ambition, he burst out and said, that it was himselfe, not Fabius, that was cause of taking of the city of TARENTUM again. Fabius, smiling to hear him, answered him opely : ' Indeed, thou saiest true, for if thou hadst not lost it, I had neuer won it again.' " Plutarch's Lives, transl. by Sir T. North, ed. 1603, fol. 192. (2) rioA-rur, 6 QpaxSi/ /Saai\eiis v TU> Tpa'iiup woXt/iij; irpea/3euv Tpuxav Kat rwv 'A%atS>v, enf\ev the Dyuelles man. Than the dyuell goe 1 with thee (saide they). Amen (quoth he) : For it is the best maister that I [have] serued this daie. By this tale ye maye perceiue, how greuouse and perillous all ciuyle sedicions be, so doubtfull may it stand, that a man can not tel on which side to holde. For he that now is stronger another tyme is weaker, as Fortune list to turne hir wheele. ^ Of the vplandishe 2 priest, that preached of Charitie. cxvii IT A PRIEST in the countrey, not the wysest nor the best learned, preached to his parisheners of charitie so vehemently, that he sayed plainely, that it was (1) This word is in the original text printed twice by an oversight. Ihave struck out the duplicate. (2) *'. e. a person dwelling in the uplands or mountainous districts Quicke A nsweres. 131 impossible for anye man to be saued or to come to heauen without charitie, except onely the kynges grace, God saue hym. t Another say Inge of the same freest, cxviii. H BEFORE the kynges Maiestyes commissioners sent 1 downe intoo the realme in visytacyon, it chaunced the forsayd preest among other to appere : to whom one of the vysytours (guessyng quickly what docter he was) sayde : Mayster parsone, howe spende you youre tyme 1 what rede you ? For- soothe, syr (sayd the preest), I occupy my selfe in readyng the New Testament. That is very well done (sayd the commissioner). But sir, I pray you, who made the newe Testament 1 That dyd (said the preest) kynge Henry the eyghte, God haue mercye vpon hys soule ! 2 where the learning of the cities had not very deeply penetrated. Hence the word became synonymous with ignorant and uninformed. Alexander Barclay's fifth eclogue is "Of the Citizen and Uplandish Man." The poem of Jack Upland is printed in the old editions of Chaucer and in Wright's Political Poems and Songs, 1861, ii. 16. Mr. Wright assigns to it the date of 1401. " He hath perus'd all the impressions Of Sonnets, since the fall of Lucifer, And made some scurvy quaint collections Of fustian phrases, and uplandish words. Heywood's Fair Maid of the Exchange, 1600. (1) Perhaps went is the true reading. (2) " What must he (the king) do then 1 He must be a student. He must write God's booke himselfe, not thinking because he is a king [but 132 Tales and ^ Of the fryer thatpraysed sainct Frauncis. cxix. ' A FRYER, preachyng to the people, extolled saynct Frauncis aboue confessors, doctours, vyrgins, mar- tyrs, prophetes, yea, and aboue one more than prophetes, John the Baptist, and finially aboue the Seraphicall order of angels ; and stil he sayd : yet let vs goe higher. So whan he could goe no fur- ther, excepte he shoulde put Christe out of hys place, whiche the good man was halfe afrayed to do, hee sayd aloude : and yet we haue founde no fit place for hym. And staying a lyttell whyle, hee cryed out at laste, sayinge : Where shall we place this holy father? A frowarde felowe, standyng among the audeynce, saide : if thou canst find none other, than set hym here in my place : for I am weary. And so went his way. H Of hym that warned his wife of wasshynge her face in foule puddell water, cxx. If A MAN dwellyng in the countrey, takynge his iourney, bad hys wife in his absence playe the good husewyfe, that he at his home comyng * might finde he hath licence to do what he will, as these worldly flatterers are wont to say." Larimer's Second Sermon before King Edward VI. 1549. (i) i.e. coining home. Quicke A nsweres. 133 all thynges well. Swete husbande (quoth she), commaunde what ye wyll, and you shall fynde me obedyense in al thynges. Dere heart (sayd he), I wil you no more but this one thynge, whiche is easye ynough to do. What is that (quoth she) ? That you wasshe not your face wyth this water, shewing hir a puddell in a donghill, foule blacke, and stinkynge. As oft as she in his absence went by that puddell, hir mynde was meruallously moued, for what cause hir husebande so diligently warned hir of that thynge onely. Nor shee coulde not per- swade hir selfe, but that there was some great thynge in it. To be brefe, it tempted hir so, that she wasshed, that is, she defiled hir face. She loked in the glasse, and was greatly displeased with hir self. Yea, and it was foure or fyue daies after, er shee coulde wasshe out the stynke and steinyng. Whan the good manne came home, hee found his wyfe very pensife and loking angerly. What is the matter (quoth he)? Shee at laste coulde not forbeare, but blamed him for warnyng hir to wasshe in that water, and shewed hym what had chaunced. Why wasshed you in it (quoth he) ? I gaue you warnynge, that you shoulde not wasshe therein, to the intente this harme shoulde haue not happned. By thys tale ye may perceyue, that the more yee s 134 Tales and forbydde some women a thynge, the greater desyre they haue to do it. ^ Of the husbandman that caused the iudge to geue sentence agaynst him selfe. cxxi. H AN husbandman in Zeland came before the chiefe ruler of the countrey (whose bull had kyld the poore mans cow) and after he had leaue to speake, hee sayde : my bull leapyng ouer the dyche hath kyld your cow ; what is the law ? The ruler, mls- trustyng no deceit, answered : thou muste paie for hir. Than with licence the poore man sayd : Sir, I failled in my tale : your bull hath kyld my cow. The ruler, beyng a little amoued, sayde : this is an- other matter. The poore man sayd : Verely it is all one thyng : and you haue truely iudged. By this tale ye perceyue, that a wyse iudge wyll first know the cause well, and yet will not be hasty to geue sentence. The prouerbe biddeth thus : Iudge righteously the cause of the pore and needy. ^ Of the Italian friar that shoulde preach before the B, of Rome and his cardinals, cxxii. H A FAMOUS frier in Italye, called Robert Liciens, 1 appoincted to preache before the bishop of Rome (i) Better known as Roberto Caraccioli-Caraccioli. He was born n 1425 at Licio, in the Neapolitan territory, and was thence often called Robertas Quicke A nsweres. 135 and his cardynals beinge in the pulpit, and be- holdyng the bishop and his cardinals, enter into the churche with so great pompe, noise, and rufflyng, that no king vse[d] the lyke, and seyng the bishop borne by vi men, and beynge at great leysure set downe, and harkenyng what he would saye, he sayd nought elles but this : Phy on S. Peter ! phy on S. Paule ! and with rauyng he spit now on the ryght side, and nowe on the left syde : and so, without more ado, shouyng through the preace, 1 gat hym awaie, leauyng them all astonied : some thynk- yng hym to bee fallen into a furie : other supposyng him to bee fallen into some heresy, lewishe or Pa- ganise belefe, that he so burst out intoo suche blasphemies. And whan it was consulted to laie hym in prison, a cardinall, who knewe his wytte, and loued hym, perswaded, that he shoulde fyrste be called before the bishop and certayne cardinals, to here what he would saye. And so beyng inquired, why hee burste out into so horrible blasphemies, Liciensis. Watt (Bibliotheca Britannica, voce Lido] mentions only his sermons : but he published several other tracts. (i) Usually spelt prease or prese. The word signifies crowd. It occurs in this sense in Edwardes' Damon and Pythias, composed about 1564. " Yet shall there no restraynt Cause me to cese, Among this prese, For to encrese Youre goodly name." Skelton's Garlande of Laurell. S 2 136 Tales and he answered, that he had appointed a farre other argument : and in fewe woordes declared the whole summe of hys sermon. But whan I (sayde he) sawe you lyue so pompously, and in so great delites and pleasures : and on th'other side consydered, howe homely, howe peyneful, and how harde a lyfe the Apostles ledde, whose places you supplie, I gathered, that eyther they were mad, that by so sharpe a waye contended to come to heauen, or els that you holde x the streight way to hell. But of you that beare the keyes of heauen, I could not perswade my self to deeme euill. Than what els could I do, but detest theyr foolyshnes whiche, whan thei might after this facion haue liued glo- riously in all welth and pleasure, wold rather all their life turment them selfes with watchynges, fast- ynges and other peynfull. labours ? H Of the doctour that sayd, in Erasmus workes were heresies, cxxiii. if A NOTABLE doctour, preachyng in a solemne audience, sayd, that in Erasmus workes were cer- tayne heresies. Who, beyng come out of the pulpit, was desired of a learned man to shewe foorthe some place hereticall. Hee aunswered, that he had (i) Orig. and Singer read or eh you to holde. Quicke Answer es, 137 neuer red Erasmus bookes : hee began once to reade the woorke intitled Moria} but by reason it was so high a stile, he feared to fal into some heresy. ^ Of the frier that preached at Paules crosse agaynst Erasmus, cxxiv. ^ A GREAT clerke, noseld 2 vp in scoole doctours, not well vnderstanding the latin stile and phrase , that than began to florishe apase, and hauynge smale acquaintaunce with the noble authours of the latyne tongue, saide, that Erasmus, with his rhe- torike and eloquence went about to corrupte the Byble. For this (quoth he) I dare be bolde to say : that the holy scripture ought not to be mingled with the eloquence of Tully, nor yet of Cicero. 3 (1) The celebrated Moria Encomium, of which an English version appeared in 1549. (2) Nosled or nousled is the same as nursled, brought up. See Todd's Johnson, 1827, in voce nosled; and Richardson's Diet. ibid. The word is not in Webster or Nares. (3) The allusion in the text is probably to the paraphrastic version of the New Testament by Erasmus, which had then recently appeared in two volumes, folio (1516). The work did not appear in an English dress til 1548. 138 Tales and H Of an other frier that taxed Erasmus for writyng Germana theologia. cxxv. If A FRYER, that preached on a tyme too the people, inueighed greatly agaynste Erasmus, because he, in his booke called Enchiridion?- preysyng the Apostles doctryne, sayde, that theirs was Germana theologia, that is to saye in Englishe, the very ryght diuinitee. Lo (sayeth this dotishe fryer), here may ye see, what a man Erasmus is : he sayeth, there is no diuinite but in Germonie, where heretikes are specially fauored and maintayned. ' Of an other that inueighed agaynst the same Erasmus, cxxvi. ^ BECAUSE Erasmus wrote, that it wer better for the monke of the charterhouse to eate fleshe than to suffer his brother Venire in capitis discrimen, that is to saye, than his brother should stand in ieoperdie of his life : this dotishe doctour inter- pretat his wordes thus : The charterhouse monke wer better eate fleshe, than his head shoulde a litt'ell ake. 2 (1) Enchiridion Militis Christiani. An English translation of this work appeared in 1533, in which Enchiridion is rendered The Handsome Weapon. (2) These pleasantries at the expense of the preachers in the time of Quicke Answer es. 139 By these tales we may se, what peuysshe preachers haue been in this world : And be thei neuer so foolishe : yet the ignorant people, lacking lerninge to iudge suche matters, thinke them selues well taught, when they be cleane misledde. H Of kyng Ruharde the in, and the Northern man. 1 cxxvii. ^ AFTER kyng Richard the iii had vsurped the crowne of England, he to staye and stablishe the people, that sore murmured against his dooynges, sent for fyue thousand men out of the North partes vp to London : and as he was mustryng of them in Thickettes feelde, one of the souldiers, cam, and clappynge the kyng on the shoulder, said : Diccon, Diccon, by the mis, ays blith that thaust kyng ! 2 Henry VIII. bear perhaps a little hard upon the fraternity. The rendering of Latin authors was not much improved a century or two later. (t) The Northern men seem to have been formerly favourite subjects for story-tellers and ballad-writers. Martin Parker published a poem called " The King and a Poore Northern man," and there is a ballad entitled "The King and the Northern man." Neither has anything to do with the present tale. No. 95 of the C. Mery Talys, of which only a small fragment is at present known to exist, is entitled, "Of the northern man that was all harte." (2) " Richard, Richard, by the mass I am glad that thou art king ! " 140 Tales and ^ Of the Canon and his man. cxxviii. H A CANON in Herefbrde, that kepte a good house, toke into his seruice a gentilmans sonne, to trane and bryng hym vp, to wayte and serue at the table. 1 So on a day the sayde canon, hauynge many strangers at his bourd, made a signe to his man, that there wanted some thyng. He, nought perceuyng, cam to his maister and sayde : Sir, wha lacke you 1 Seest not, man (quoth he), they haue no bread on the table ? Sir, saide his man, there was enough euen now, if they woulde haue let it alone. ^ Of the same Canon and his sayd man. cxxix. ^ THE same Canon, an other tyme, bad his sayd seruant after supper, go downe and draw a cuppe of wyne, to make his guestes drinke at theyr departing, whom he had before taught, how he shuld take of the couer. So the yong man, bringyng the candell in one hand, and the cup of wine couered in the (i) A very usual practice in those days. At p. 254 of the North- umberland H ovse-hold Book (ed. 1827) we find : "Two Gentlemen waiters for the Bordes Ende and a servaunt betwixt theim iii Hannsmen and Yonge Gentlemen at their Fryndes fynding v (as to say Hanshmen [Henchmen] iii and yong Gentlemen iii)." Orig. and Singer, for trane read trade. Quicke Answeres. 141 other, offred it vnto them. His mayster, seyng that, made a token to hym. He, not knowyng wherfore, sayd : Sir, what woulde you haue 1 Take of the couer (quoth his mayster). Than holde you the candell (saide the seruaunt). ^ Of the gentilman that checked hys seruantfor talke of ryngyng. cxxx. IT A GENTILMAN, brought vp at London in an In of court, was maryed, and kepte an house in the countrey : and as he sate at supper with his neygh- bours aboute hym, vpon an alhalow-daie at night, amonge other communication, he talked of the solemne ringyng of the belles (as was the vsage than). His man, that waited on the table, sayd to his maister : sir, he that were this nyghte in London, shoulde here wonderfull ryngyng, and so began a tale. Hys mayster, not content with his talke, said : Hold thy peace, foole, wilt thou tel me of ringing in London? I know it (I trow) a lyttell better than thou. For I haue beene there an C alhalow nyghtes. 142 Tales and ^ Of the blynde man and his boye. cxxxi. H A CERTAYNE poore blynde man x in the countrey was ledde by a curst boy to an house where a weddyng was : so the honest folkes gaue him meate, and at last one gaue hym a legge of a good fatte goose : whiche the boy receyuyng kept a syde, and did eate it vp hym selfe. Anon the blynde man saide : lacke, where is the leg of the goose 1 What goose (quod the boy) 1 I haue none. Thou liest (quoth the blinde man), I dyd smell it. And so they wente forth chidyng together, tyll the shrewde boye led the poore man against a post : where hittyng his brow a great blow, he cryed out : A hoorson boy, what hast thou done 1 Why (quod the boy) could you not smell the post, that was so nere, as wel as the goose that was so farre from your nose ? H Of him that sold two lodes of hey. cxxxii. H IN London dwelled a mery pleasant man (whiche for [t]his tyme we may call Makeshift 2 ) who, beyng (1) Tricks upon blind persons naturally form a feature in the jest books. The eighty-third adventure of Tyl Owlglass is a practical joke on a blind man, and in Scoggitis Jests, 1626, there are one or two examples. (2) A cheat or rogue. See Rowlands' Knave of Clubbs, 1600 (Percy Quicke Answer es. 143 arrayed somewhat haruest lyke, with a pytcheforke on his necke, went forth in a mornyng and mette with twoo lode of hey comeyng to the citieward, for the whiche he bargayned with the owners to paye xxx shillynges. Whyther shall we bring them, quoth thei 1 To the Swan in Longe Lane l Soc. ed. p. 18). The word Shifter is employed by Rowlands in the Knave of Harts, 1613, and by others of our elder writers in the same sense. In the following passage, shift is used to signify a piece of knavery : " Ferd. Brother, you lie ; you got her with a shift. Frank. I was the first that lov'd her." Heywood's Fair Maid of t&e Exchange, 1607 (Shakesp. Soc. ed. p. 87). See also Taylor's Works, 1630, ii. 144. In his Sculler, 1612, the last- mentioned writer introduces a sharper into one of his epigrams under the name of Mounsieur Shift, " cozen-german to Sir Cuthert Theft" (Works, iii. 25). (i) Antiently, no doubt, Long Lane ran between hedges into Smith- field ; but it appears that even in the early part of Elizabeth's reign building had commenced in this locality. Stow (Survey of London, edit. 1720, lib. iii. p. 122) says: "Long Lane, so called from its length, coming out of Aldersgate Street against Barbican, and falleth into West Smithfield. A Place also of Note for the Sale of Apparel, Linnen, and Upholsters Goods, both Secondhand and New, but chiefly for old, for which it is of note." See also p. 284 of the same book, and Cun- ningham's Hand Book of London, edit. 1848, in voce, with the authorities and illustrations there given. Rowlands, in his Letting of Humors Blood in the Head Vein, 1611, Sign. C, 2, -verso, celebrates this spot as one of the principal haunts of the pawnbrokers. In Wits Recreations, 1640 (edit 1817, p. 109), there is the following epigram : " He which for 's wife a widow doth obtain, Doth like to those that buy clothes in Long Lane, One coat's not fit, another's too too old, Their faults I know not, but th' are manifold." Day, in the Parliament of Bees, 1641, 4, Sign. G, speaks very dis- respectfully of the population of Long Lane in his time. See Maroccus Extaticus, 1595 (Percy, Soc. ed. p. 16), Dekker"s Knights' Conjuring, 1607, ed. Rimbault, p. 54. Webster's Works, by Hazlitt, i. 94, and 144 Tales and by Smithfeeld (quoth he), and soo left them, and sped him thether the next l waye. Whan he came to the good man of the Swanne, he asked, if he would bye two good lodes of hey? Yes marie, sayde he. Where be thei ? Euen here they come (quoth Makshyft). What shall I paye ? sayde the inholder. Foure nobles (quoth hee) : but at length they agreed for xx shilling. Whan the hey was come, Makshyft bad them vnlode. While they were doyng so, 2 he came to the inholder, 3 and said : sir, I prai you let me haue my monei : for, while my men be vnloding, I wil goe into the citee to buy a littell stuffe to haue home with me. The good man was content, and gaue it hym. And so he went his way. Whan the men had vnloded the hey, they came and demanded their money. To whom the inholder saide : I haue paid your maister. What master (quoth they) 1 Mary, quod he, the same man that made you bring the hey hether. We know hym not, quod they. No more doe I (quod he) ; that same man bargayned with me for the hey, and hym haue I payed : I neyther Taylor's Works, 1630, Sign. Ggg4- The Swan Inn has disappeared, but whether it has merged in the Barley Mow, or the Old Red Cow, I do not know. (1) Nearest. (2) The original reading is, so while they were doying. (3) Innkeeper. This form of the word continued to be used by English writers even in the later half of the seventeenth century. Quicke Answeres. 145 bought nor sold with you. That is not enough for vs, quod they ; and thus thei stroue together. But what ende thei made, I know not. For I thynke Makeshift came not againe to agree them. H How a mery man deuised to cal people to a playe. cxxxiii. ' A MERY man, called Qualitees, 1 on a tyme sette vp billes vpon postes aboute London, that who so euer woulde come to Northurnberlande Place, 2 should here suche an antycke plaie 3 that, both for the mattier and handelyng, the lyke was neuer heard before. For all they that shoulde playe therin were gentilmen. Those bylles moued the people (whan the daye came) to come thyther thycke and threfolde. Now he had hyred two men to stand e at the gate with a boxe (as the facion is), who toke of euery persone that came in a peny, or an halfe peny at the least. So whan he thought the market was at the best, he came to the gate, and toke from the men 4 the (1) Perhaps this, like Make-shift, was merely intended as a phrase to disguise the real name of the person intended. (2) Northumberland A lley was in Fenchurch Street, and was notorious for bowling-greens, gaming-houses, &c. Probably this is the locality intended. See Cunningham's Handbook to London, 596, edit. 1848. (3) i. e. a burlesque play. (4) Orig. and Singer read man. 146 Tales and boxe with money, and geuynge theym their duitie, bade them go into the hall, and see the rome kepte : for hee shoulde gooe and fetche in the plaiers. They went in, and he went out, and lockt the gate faste, and toke the key with hym : and gat hym on hys geldynge, whiche stode ready saddilled without Aldryshegate x at an In, 2 and towarde Barnet he roade apace. The people taryed from twoo a clocke tyll three, from three to foure, styll askyng and criyng : Whan shall the plaie begyn ? How. long shall we tarye 1 } Whan the clocke stroke foure, all the people murmured and sayed : Wherefore tarye we any longer 1 ? Here shall be no playe. Where is the knaue, that hath beguyled vs hyther ? It were almes to 3 thruste a dagger throughe hys (i) Aldersgate. In the Ordinary, by W. Cartwright, Moth the Anti- quary says : " Yclose by Aldersgate there dwelleth one Wights clypen Robert Moth; now Aldersgate Is hotten so from one that Aldrich hight ; Or else of Elders, that is, ancient men ; Or else of Aldern trees which growden there ; Or else, as Heralds say, from Aluredus." (2} Inns were not so plentiful at this time as they afterward became. Perhaps the establishment here referred to was the celebrated Bell Inn, which was still standing in the time of James the First, and which is mentioned by Taylor the Water- Poet in his Penniless Pilgrimage, 1618 ( Works, 1630, i. 122) : " At last I took my latest leave, thus late At the Bell Inn, that's extra Aldersgate." (3) i. e. it were a charity to thruste, &c. The original and Singer have, "it were almes it thruste." Quicke Answeres. 147 chekes, sayeth one. It were well done to cutte of hys eares, sayeth an other. Haue hym to Newgat ! sayeth one : nay, haue hym to Tyburne ! sayed an other. Shall wee loose our money thus, saieth he 1 Shall wee bee thus beguiled, sayeth this man? shulde this be suffered, saieth that man? And so muttrynge and chydyng, they came to the gate to goe oute ; but they coulde not. For it was faste lockt, and Qualitees had the key away with him. Now begynne they a freshe to fret and fume : nowe they swere and stare : now they stampe and threaten : for the locking in greeued them more than all the losse and mockery before : but all auayle not. For there muste they abide, till wayes may be founde to open the gate, that they maye goe out. The maidens that shoulde haue dressed theyr maisters suppers, they wepe and crye ; boyes and prentises sorow and lament ; they wote not what to say, whan thei come home. For al this foule araye, For al this great frai, Qualites is mery ridyng on his waie.(i) (i) In the original this is printed as prose, perhaps to economize space. Array, or araye, as it is here spelled, signifies obviously disturbance or clamour. So in the History of King Arthur, 1634, Part iii. cap. 134 : " So in this rumour came in Sir Launcelot, and found them all at a great aray;" and the next chapter commences with, "Aha! what aray is this? said Sir Launcelot." 148 Tales and If How the image of the dyuell was lost and sought. cxxxiiii. H IN the Goldesmithes hall, amonge theyr other plate, they had a fair standyng cuppe, with an image of S. Dunstane on the couer, whiche image hadde an image of the dyuell at his foote. 1 So it chaunced at a banket that the sayed image of the dyuell was lost and gone. On the morow after, the. bedyll of the company was sent about to serche amonge the goldesmythes, if any suche came to be sold. And lyke as of other 2 he enquired of one, if any man had brought to hym to be solde the foole that sate at sainct Dunstanes foote vpon the couer of the cuppe ? What foole meane you ? quoth he. Mary, the diuell, sayde the bedill. Why, quoth the other, call ye the diuell a foole ; ye shal find him a shrewd foole, if ye haue ought to do with hym ? And why seke you for him here amonge vs ? Where shoulde I els seke for hym ? (1) Probably the cup bequeathed by Sir Martin Bowes to the Gold smiths' Company, and still preserved, is here meant See Cunningham's Handbook of London, art. Goldsmith^ Hall, and for some account of the Bowes family, which intermarried with that of D'Ewes, see Auto- biography and Correspondence of Sir Sintonds EfEwes, ii. 17, 18. It seems to have been a rather common practice formerly to engrave figures of Saints, representations of the Passion, &c. on the bottom of drinking cups. See Rowlands' Knave ofClubbs, 1600. (Percy Soc. repr. p. 64.) (2) In the same manner that he inquired of others, &c. Quick e A nsivcrcs. 149 (sayde the bedill). Mary in hell, quoth he, for there ye shall, be sure to fynde the dyuell. ' Of Tachas, kyng of Aegypt, and Agesilaus. cxxxv, ^ WHAT tyme Agesilaus, king of the Lacede- monians, was come to Tachas the kyng of Egipt, to aide him in his wars : Tachas beholdyng Agesi- laus to bee a man of so litel stature and smaj personage tauntyng hym with this scoffe, sayde : The mountayne hath trauayled, lupiter forbode, but yet hee hathe broughte forth a mouse. 1 Agesi- laus beynge offended wyth hys saying, answered : and yet the tyme wyl come, that I shall seeme to the a Lyon. And not longe after, it chaunced through a sedycion that arose amonge the Aegyp- cyans, whan Agesilaus was gone from him, the king was constreyned to flee to the Persians. (i) This is related differently in Plutarch. "Now Agesilaus being arrived in ^EGYPT, all the chiefe Captajnes and Governors of King Tachos came to the seashore, and honourably received him : and not they onely, but infinite numbers of ./Egyptians of all sorts . . . came thither from all parts to see what manner of man he was. But when they saw no stately traine about him, but an olde gray-beard layed on the grasse by the sea side, a litle man that lookad simply of tke matter, and but meanely apparelled in an ill-favored thread-bare gowne : they fell a-laughing at him, remembring the merry tale, that a mountaine," &c. North's Plutarch, edit. 1603, fol. 629-30. T 150 Tales and Of Corar the Rhetorician, and Tisias hys scoler. cxxxvi. ^ A CERTAYNE man called Corar, determyned hym selfe for mede 1 to teache the arte of Rhetorycke, with whom a yong man, named Tisias, couenanted on this wyse that he wold pay him his wages, whan he had perfectly learned the scyence. So whan he* had lerned the art, he made no haste to paye his teacher, wherfore hys mayster sued hym. Whan they came before the iudges, the yonge man de- maunded of hys mayster, what was the effecte of the scyence ? He aunswered : In reasonyng to per- swade. 2 Than go to, if I perswade these honour- able iudges, that I owe you nothing, I wil pay you nothyng : for you are cast in your action. And yf I can not perswade them, than wil I pay you nothing, because I haue not yet perfectly learned the art. Corar wrestyng 3 the yonge mans owne argumente agaynst hym selfe, said : If thou per- swade them, that thou oughteste 4 me nothynge, than (accordynge to the couenaunt) thou must nedes pay raee my wages : for thou haste the art perfectly. (il Remuneration. (2] To persuade by reasoning. (3) Turning by force of ingenuity. (4) Owed Quicke A nswercs. 151 Now yf thou canst not perswade them : yet shalt thou pay mee my wages, because thou arte con- demned by the Judges' sentence to be my detour. ^ Of Augustus and Athenodorus the Phylosopher. cxxxvii. ^ WHAT tyme Athenodorus the Phylosopher had (by reason of hys greate age) obteyned lycence of Auguste to depart home, he admonysshed him, that beyng angry, he should neyth saye nor dooe any thyng, before he had by hym selfe rehearsed ouer the xxiiii Greeke letters. Whych saying whan the prince heard, he sayed : he had yet nede of him to teache hym the arte to keepe sylence, by coloure whereof he retayned the olde man about hym a whole yere longer. By this tale we maie perceyue, that of al things a prince, a ruler, a iudge ought specyaily to eschewe wrathe. For the morall booke sayeth : Anger troubleth the mynde, that it can not discerne the truth. And Seneca wryteth, that slowe tarryinge doeth profile in nothyng but in wrathe. T 2 152 Talcs and ^ Of thefrenche kyng and the brome seller?- cxxxviii. ^ As a Frenche kyng on a tyme was in huntyng, he hapned to lose his companie, and comyng through a brome heath, he herde a poore man and his wife piteously complayne on fortune. The kyng, after he had wel heard the long lamentacion of theyr poore and miserable state, came vnto them, and after a few words he questioned with them howe they liued. They shewed him, how they came^ daily to that heath, and all the brome, that thei and their asse coud cary home, was lyttell enough to finde theim and their poor children meat. Well (quoth the kyng), loke that you bryng to morow early to the court gate as many bromes as you and your asse can carye, and see that you sell them well. For I warrant you thei shalbe bought apase. They thanked hym, and so he departed from them. Anon came the lordes, knightes, and gentilmen to the kinge, and home they rode. After supper the kyng called them all before hym, and gaue them in commaundement that neither lord, knyght, nor gentilman, should on the morow come into the courte wythout a new brome in his hande. (i) See Lane's Arabian Tales and Anecdotes, 1845, p. 73, fora story similar to this. Qiticke A nsweres. 153 For he had a thyng to doe, whiche they shoulde know afterwarde. So on the morowe, whan they come to the court gate, there found they the poore man, his wife and the asse loded with bromes, whiche hee solde to the galauntes of the court, euen as he wolde him selfe. Wherby the sayd poore man was made riche for euer and they lyttell the woorse. Thus whan the kynge sawe the states and gentilmen of his court come in so wel furnished with grene bromes, and consydring the cause wher- fore it was, he laughed merilye. If An other tale of the samefrenche kyng. 1 cxxxix. ^ THERE chaunced, in a certaine part of the realme, an offyce to fal into the kings handes by the deth of a man which was worth a cccc crounes by the yere. An honest witty gentilman, dwelling therby, trustyng to obteyne the sayde offyce, made as good speede to the courte as hee could, and as soone as he might come to the kynges presence, he kneled downe, and in most humble wise desired his grace to geue vnto hym that offyce, declaring what it was. The king perceiuing how good an (i) This story is applied by Richard Johnson, editor of the Pleasant Conceits of Old Hobson the Merry Londoner, 1607, 410, to his own purposes. Johnson was an unscrupulous appropriator. 154 Tales and office it was, and thinking therwith to rewarde some suche one of hys seruauntes, that had well deserued it, answered quickely, and sayd : My frend, be content ; you get it not. The gentilman, heryng those wordes, sayd : I most hertely than eke your grace ; both I and myne are mooste bounden to praye for your hyghnesse ; and so, makynge lowe obeysaunce, wente his waye. Whan he had gone a lyttell waye, the kyng commaunded to call hym againe. Whan he was come backe, the kyng* asked him if he dyd well vnderstand, what answere he gaue hym. Yes, truely, sayd the gentilman. What sayd I, quoth the kynge 1 Marye, your grace bad me bee contente, for I shoulde not haue the offyce. Why dyd you than (quoth the kyng) geue me so great thankes 1 Because, sayde the gentyl- man, your grace gaue me so sone an answere without longer suite and losse of tyme, whiche would haue bene to me a very muche hyndraunce. For I haue at home a great householde, vnto the which it behoueth me to loke dylygently, or els it wyl be wrong wyth me. The kynge, markynge well the wysedom and dexterytee of the gentylman, and conceyuyng a fauoure towarde hym, sayd : Wei, nowe shal you thanke me twyse : for you shall haue the offyce that you sewe for : and than, castynge hys eyes vpon hys Chauncelloure, com- Quicke A nsivcrcs. \ 5 5 maunded hym, that all suche wrytynges as con- cerned [t]hys sayd offyce, shoulde wyth al speede bee made oute, that he were at home agayne to ouerloke hys famyly. ^ What an Italy an fryer dyd in his preachy ng. cxL ^ ROBERT Lyciense, a fryer of Italye (of whome we spake before), preachyng on a tyme with great vehemencye of wordes and gesture, exhorted the prynces and people to make warre agaynste the Turkes and other the enemies of chrystendome : and whan he came to the very effect, and [was] moste hotte and earnest in his tale, he began to wepe, that there were none, that wold to so godly a purpose offer them selfe to be capitains. If this be the let 1 of the mattier, beholde me here, whiche will be nothynge abasshed to cast aside this grey friers coate, and to take vpon mee to be a souldiour, or your capitaine. And euen with that woorde he caste of his vpper coate ; and vnder- neth he was a playne souldiour, arraied in a skarlet cloke, and a long rapier hangeyng by his side. And in this warlyke apparell, in the personage of a Capitan, he stode and preached halfe an houre. (i) The obstacle to the matter. 156 Tales and Quicke A nsweres. Being sente for of the Cardinals with whom he was familiar, hee was asked what was the pretence of that new example. He answered, that he did it for his wenches pleasure, who familiarly con- fessed that nothynge in the sayd Robert displeased hir, saue his friers coate. Then saide he to hir : In what apparell shal I best plese you 1 In a man of warres quoth shee ? Than se that you be at my sermon to morow, quoth he. 1 (t) This tale is followed by the colophon, which is : Imprinted at London in Fletestrete, by Henry Wykes. Cum priuilegio ad impri- jnendum solum. ADDITIONAL NOTES AND ILLUSTRATIONS. MERY TALES AND QUICK ANSWERES. P. 16. Of him that preched on Saynt Christophers day, In A Booke of Meery Riddles, 1617 frepr. of ed. 1629, p. 73 of Mr. Halliwell's Literature of the xvith and xviith centuries Illustrated, &>c. 1851), we have the following: The xvii Riddle " Who bare the best burthen that ever was borne At any time since, or at any time befor[n]e Solution. It was the asse that bare both Our Lady and her Sonne out of Egypt." P. 21. Of the yonge woman that sorowed to greatly her husbondes deth. " There was a poor young Woman who had brought herself even to Death's Door with grief for her sick Husband, but the good Man her Father did all he could to comfort her. Come, Child, said he, we are all mortal. Pluck up a good heart, my Child : for let the -worst come to the worst, I have a better Husband in store for thee. Alas, Sir, says she, what d'ye talk of another Husband for? Why, you had as good have stuck a Dagger to my Heart. No, no; if e'jer I think of another Husband, may .' Without any more ado, the Man dies and the Woman, imme- diately, breaks into such Transports of tearing her Hair, and beating her Breast, that every body thought she'd have run stark-mad upon it. But, upon second Thoughts, she wipes her Eyes, lifts them up, and cries, } I, \i-ctis will be done I and turning to her Father, Pray, Sir, says she, about (other Husbandyou were speaking of , is he here in the House" Complete London Jester, 1771, p. 49. This story was appropriated by the Editor of Pasqutfs Jests, mixed U'ith Mother Bunch's Merriments, of which there were several editions, the first appearing in 1604. In Pasquil's Jests, the tale is told of a " young woman of Barnet." She ro-Mned lier father in the tare. Gower (Confessio Amantis, ed. Pauli, Vol. i. p. 161) has a precisely similar expression : " But whan they rounen in her ere, Than groweth all my moste fere." i S 8 Notes. P. 21. Of him that kissed the mayde -with the longe nose. " ' Good Sir William, let it rest,' quoth shee, ' I know you will not beleeue it when I haue reuealed it, neither is it a thing that you can helpe : and yet such is my foolishnesse, had it not beene for that, I thinke, verily I had granted your suite ere now. But seeing you vrge me so much to know what it is, I will tell you : it is, sir, your ill-fauoured great nose, that hangs sagging so lothsomely to your lips, that I cannot finde in my Jieart so much as to kisse you.' " Pleasant History of Thomas of Reading, by T. D. circa 1597, p. 73 (ed. Thorns). P. 26. Of the MarcJiaunt that lost his bodgette betwene Ware and Lon\dori\. In Pasquil's Jests, 1604, occurs an account substantially similar to the present, of "how a merchant lost his purse between Waltam and London." P. 28. Of thefatte -woman that soldeftiite. " Being thus dispatcht he layes downe Jacke A peny for the shot : ' Sir. what shall this doe ? ' said the boy. ' Why, rogue, discharge my pot ! So much I cald for, but the rest By me shall nere be paid : For victualls thou didst offer me ; Doe and thou woot, I said.' " T)te Knave of Clubbs, by S. Rowlands, 1600 (Percy Soc. ed. p. 10). P. 31. Wilson introduces the "notable historic" of Papirius Pretex- tatus into his Rule of Reason, 1551, 8, and it had previously been related in Caxton's Game and Play e of the Chesse, 1474. P. 33. Of the comtpte man of law. " An arch Barber at a certain Borough in the West, where there are but few Electors, had Art enough to suspend his Promise till the Voters, by means of Bribery, the old Balsam, were so divided, that the casting Vote lay in himself. One of the Candidates, who was sensible of it, came into his little dirty Shop to be shaved, and when the operation was finish'd, threw into the Bason Twenty Guineas. The next Day came the other Candidate, who was shaved also, and left Thirty. Some Days after this, the first return'd to solicit the Barber's Vote, who told him very coldly, That he could not promise. Not promise ! says the Gentleman ; Notes. 159 why I thought I had been shaved here ! 'Tis true, says the Barber, you was, hit another Gentleman has been triinni d since that ; however, if you please, I'll trim you again, and then tell you my mind." Complete London Jester, ed. 1771, p. 99. P. 35. Canon peaked into the court. So in Skelton's Colin Clout (Works by Dyce, i, 312), we have : " He cryeth and he creketh, He pryeth and he peketh. He chides and he chatters," &c. In the Posthume Poems of Richard Lovelace, Esq. 1659, 80, p. 60, the word is employed in a different sense : "Have you not marked their Coslestial play, And no more peek'd the gayties of day V" To peak, however, in the sense in which it is used by Skelton, and in the Merie Tales, &c. is of rather frequent occurrence in Scoggin's Jests, 1626 (but first printed before 1565) ; and Gascoigne employs the word in the same manner in the Steel Glas, n. d. (1576), 4. The passage in Gascoigne, which I perused long ago, was brought back to my recol- lection by a note by the Rev. A. Dyce to Skelton's Colin Clout. P. 38. See Diogenes Laertius, transl. by Yonge, p. 226. Diogenes the Cynic evidently had Thales in his mind when he said " that mathema- ticians kept their eyes fixed on the sun and moon, and overlooked what was under their feet." P. 40. Of him that dreamed he fonde golde. In PasqitiFs Jests, we are told "how drunken Mullins of Stratford dreamed he found golde." It is the same story. P. 52. Gelidiis jacet anguis in kerba. Whoever edited this collection of stories seems to have had a great fancy for quotations. Throughout the C. Mery Talys, on the contrary, there is not a single instance of this passion for extracts. Sir Thomas Overbury, in his Characters iif at least they were written by him), ed. 1632, sign. K.4, describes "An Innes of Court man " as talking " ends of Latine, though it be false, with as great confidence as ever Cicero could pronounce an oration." I suspect that the Mery Tales and Quicke Ans^veres were collected by some person more or less versed in the classics and in foreign authors, which was probably not the case with the C. Mery Talys, which do not smell so much of the inkhorn, as Gascoigne would have said. 160 Notes. P. 54. Breble-brable, In Twelfth Night, act iv. sc. 2, Shakespeare makes the Clown use bibble-bablle in a similar sense ; but afterwards in the same drama, act v. sc. i, brabble is put for "a brawl." This word is no doubt the same as the "pribbles and prabbles " which Sir Hugh uses more than once in the Merry Wives of Windsor. See act v. sc. 5. P. 60. Of hym that payde his dette "with crienge bea. Compare the story of "the subtility of Kindlewall the lawyer repayed with the like craft," printed in PasquiFs Jests, ed. Gilbertson, n. d. 40. P. 65. All to. I fear that I too hastily adopted the self-suggested notion that the former words might be read more properly as one word and in the sense which I indicated. Perhaps as all to or al to is nof uncommonly used by early writers in this way, though the meaning in the present case is not particularly clear, it may be better to restore the original reading. P. 67. Of the Inholders -wyfe and her ii lovers. See Rowlands' Knave of Clubbs, 1600, ed. Rimbault, p. 25. P. 67. Daungeroiis of her taylc. So in the Schole-hottse of Women, 1542, the author says : " Plant them round with many a pin, Ringed for routing of pure golde, Faire without, and foule within, And of their tailes have slipper holde." P. 70. Of Mayster Vavasour and Turf in his man. " A Lawyer and his Clerk riding on the Road, the Clerk desired tq know what was the chief Point of the Law. His Master said, if he would promise to pay for their Suppers that Night, he would tell him ; which was agreed to. Why then, said the Master, good Witnesses are the chief Point in the Law. When they came to the Inn, the Master bespoke a couple of Fowls for Supper ; and when they had supped, told the Clerk to pay for them according to Agreement. O Sir, says he, where's your witness." Complete London Jester, ed. 1771, p. 102. P. 72. One of Pasquits Jests is "how mad Coomes, when his wife was drowned, sought her against the stream." It is merely a new application of the present anecdote. Notes. 161 P- 75- Of the f oole that thonghthym selfe deed. A story of a similar character occurs in The Meeting of Gallants at an Ordinarie, or, the Walkes in Po-wles, 1604, (repr. 1841 p. 19), where " mine Host" gives an account of "how a yong fellow was even bespoke and jested to death by harlots." P. 93. He fell to a nyce laughyng. Nice, in the sense of foolish, is also used by Gower, who likewise employs the substantive nicete in a similar way : " But than it were a nicete To telle you, how that I fare ! " Confcssio Amantis, lib. vi. Chaucer employs the word in a similar sense very frequently. In the Cuckoo and the Nightingale, is the following passage : " To telle his might my wit may not suffice, For he can make of wise folks ful nice." P. 103. Crakers. See the last edition of Nares, voce Crake and Craker. But an earlier example of the use of the word than any given in the glossary occurs in Lupset's Works, 1546, i2 mo (A Compendious Treatise teachying the wate of dying well, fol. 34 verso ', this treatise was first printed separately in 1541). In a reprint of the C. Mery Talys, which appeared in 1845, the Editor, not knowing what to make of craki' and craker, altered them, wherever they occurred, to crack and cracker respectively ! P. 113. Ch' adde. In Wits Interpreter, The English Parnassus, by J. Cotgrave, 1655, ed. 1662, p. 247, is "the Devonshire Ditty," from which the following is an extract : " Cockbodikins, chil work no more, Dost think chi labour to be poor ? No, no, ich chave a do" &c. But this phraseology is not peculiar to Devonshire. P. 113.. note 2. Some additional particulars of interest, relative to ancient wines, may be found in Morte Arthure, ed. 1847, pp. 18, 20; and in the Squyer of Low Degre (Ritson's Ancient Engl. Met. Ra- tiancees, iii). P. 121. Of the Courtear that ete the hot costerde. "An arch Boy being at Table where there was a piping hot Apple- pye, putting a Bit into his Mouth, burnt it so that the Tears ran down his Cheeks. A Gentleman that sate by, ask'd him. \Vl-v he wept? Only, 1 62 Notes. said he, because it is just come into my Remembrance, that my poor Grandmother died this Day Twelvemonth. Phoo ! says the other, is that all ? So whipping a large Piece into his Mouth, he quickly sympa- thized with the Boy ; who seeing his Eyes brim-full, with a malicious Sneer ask'd him, Why he wept ? A Pox on you, said he, because you were not hanged, you young Dog, the same Day your Grandmother died." Complete London Jester, ed. 1771, p. 53. P. 140. Of the Canon and his man. note. "When King James came into England, coming to Boughton, hee was feasted by Sir Edward Montague, and his six sonnes brought upp the six first dishes ; three of them after were lords, and three more knights, Sir Walter Montague, Sir Sydney, and Sir Charles, whose daughter Lady Hatton is." Ward's Diary, ed. Severn, p. 1701. P. 143. For al this foul araye. So, in the Child of Bristom, an early metrical legend, we read : " When the burges the child gan se, He seid then, " benedicite, Sone, what araye is this?" Some later writers thought it necessary to use this word with a quali- fying adjective, as shrewd array, &c. thus, in fact, reducing it to some- thing like its ordinary and modern signification. P. 148, note i. See Pepys' Diary, 6th ed. I. 29. " They brought me a draft of their drink in a brown bowl, tipt with silver, which I drank off, and at the bottom was a picture of the Virgin with the child in her arms, done in silver." 2jth Feb. 1659-60. See also Brydges' British Bibliographer, vol. ii. p. 109. THE END. l\ University of California SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 405 Hilgard Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90024-1388 Return this material to the library from which it was borrowed. DEC 1 5 1994 rv p