x-Aj 9U , IIBRARY A\tfUNIVER% ^-lOS-ANCElfj> oe W A R L E Y ADDRESSE D To the Firft ARTIST m Europe. PART THE FIRST. LONDON: Printed for D. BROWN, at Garrick's Head, in Kathartne-ftreet, Strand. Ofiolcri 1 7? 8. [ PRICE ONE SHILLING AND SIX-PENCE. ] .A I ' Stack Annex rtrnz ..* 5012927 W A IU. vJU"w-JSi^.i A SATIRE. F OR THEE, whom Minerva, St. Luke and Apelles, Have {hewn what in heav'n, and in earth, and in hell is ; Whofe Pencil inherits the fire of Prometheus, And faves from the lake of oblivious Lethe us ; And each drawing-room graces for fair ready rhino, With a bare a young Jove, or a ftarv'd Ugolino : And, like Hunter, gives birth to, with fingers fo IhTom, Girls, that flart from the canvas, and afk us to kifs 'em. Oh REYNOLDS! for Thee, fhall the militant mufe Depi&ure the fcene of our Royal Reviews. B la C 2 ] In the county of EiTex, from whence none away go* Who have not encounter'd a Calf or an Ague -, A few miles to the north of the fam'd town of Romford> Which to lanthorn-jaw'd buttocks adminiflers comfort; Near neighbour to Brentwood, and clofe on the right, Thine hillocks, wild Warley, aftonim the fight ! Thine hillock?, abounding with banners and flags, Where the rich fhew their tafte, and the beggars their rags $ Where tag-rag and bob-tail, of various degrees, Full of wonder' rcforty and return full of fleas* Ten thoufand brave fellows here fatten in clover, On Three-pence a day, and a Half-penny over ; Ten Thoufand old Women, as many young Flirts J J O . ' To curry and wafli'em, and mend their old mirts^ liuO !<_. And a regiment of Barbers, who never yet fear'd The Chevaux de frize of an outlandifh beard ; V* , l> Cooks, Sutlers, Bawds, Methodift Preachers in flioals . . ' ; .* To take Chriflian care of their bodies and fouls. His C 3 3 His numbers their gallant Commander furveys, While great as Old Xerxes his truncheon he fways ; Thus Mofes of Ifrael, Commander, andBifhop, pffended with Egypt, could call at his wifli up An Army of Locufts, with Stomachs rapacious, To devour their provisions, and all things herbaceous. Thus, EfTex, thine Oxen and Fatlings are flain, Nor of all thy green herbs does one cabbage remain. But lo ! the fierce heroes are forming the lines, What carnage awaits the fat turkies and chines ! Sure fome miVhty event all thefe clamours announce, . For the old women fwear, and the big cannons bounce L What firing and blafting of muikets and tongues J What wafte and confumption of powder and lungs I In vain fue for pity the frogs in the marines, The weafles defpairing muft fain turn their a ! Hares, rabbits, and rats in a terrible taking, Their manfions fo fnug in a trice have forfaken > o;r-.j And alarm'd at the noife even dormice are waking. r."ii;<: But r 4 J But take my advice you poor blundering moles, As you value your eye-fight keep fnug in your holes, If once they come near you, expect not to thrive, For they'll certainly kill you or eat you alive. Each heroe, more fierce than the offspring of Thetis, Enfiam'd with fuch vengeance and valorous heat is, That they ftorm ev'ry fuz bum that grows on the plains, And as for the They hear his complaint, and to finifh the ftrife, - He broaches his beer, and furrenders his wife. But the mufe all begrim'd with fmoak, brimflone, and powder, , i li j j~/- . - . On a fudden is flown where the tumult grows louder. Who comes yonder on horfeback ? his warlike appearance, :...*. liv Gi3 D.UV-* ion N 3iij >- And Three-corner'd Hat, I fhall think of this year hence ; So C 5 1 $ - So comely and proper, " God blefs his fweet fac ' (The good wives exclaim) "' tis his Majefty's Grace," While the mufical inflruments make the woods ring, With Roaft Beef, Jolly Roger, and God fave the king ! Each his drawn fword in hand, fee his guards how they fcamper, French Foutres, avaunt ! or he'll give you a damper. Obfequious around him his Nobles are waiting, Their Ladies of Red Coats and lap-dogs debating ; (Great * Matter, who feedefl on purflain and cellcry, Methinks I am ranging thy populous gallery, Where Iris prefents all her beautiful hues, Like a Silk Mercer's 'prentice to pleafe Lady Mufe, The fole manufacture of beauty refin'd, That paints the rich tints of the face and the mind; Where glows Nature's fire, which all other fhops darken, And exift all the graces that fail'd Noah's ark in :) * Alluding to Protogenes of Greece, who is faid to have lived folcly on Vegetables vvhilit painting his celebrated Picture, J A L 1 S U S. C I proteft I proteft, my dear Lord, fays the Countefs of Squindor, 'Tis a fhame a fine Lady mould e'er flay within door ; Don't you fee little Comfit, my houfekeeper's daughter, Gallanting about with Lieutenant Mac Slaughter ? Shall dirty pert Trollops enjoy the frefh air, And a Woman of Fafhion fit ftill in her chair; When ev'ry fpruce Beau is her moil humble fervant, And like Shock of her lips, looks, and geflures obfervant ; Let me rather be call'd an extravagant jilt, Than while fo much powdec and efTence is fpilt; v Sit at home, like Penelope, weaving a quilt ; * \ ' ' > 3T ' .*' Should my hufband enforce it in abfolute fpight, The tafk of the day I'd undo in the night. Lady Bab, I was told, you had fprain'd your fore-finger, Pray, Baron Muftach, have you heard the new Singer ? Sir Simon Sham-fhudle has had a mifhap, His little Green Monkey was caught in a trap ; The dear little fellow is terribly maul'd, J Twas fhocking to hear how he chatter'd and fquall'd ; The C 7 ] The phyiicians have met and advife amputation, But he cannol furvive fuch a dire operation ; And I'm certain, (fhould all other remedies fail,) My Lady will die, if they cut off his tail. One is fo incommoded with people that tramp it, I'm delighted to fee you my dear Mrs. Lambet ; The Col'nel declares there's good news i'the wind, How does my Lord Bifhop ? He's coming behind : Parfon Wallop and Jerry have thruft in their nofes, And attend on his Lordlhip, ana Hrigadicr Mofes. A Review is a thing that I take great delight in, But, Major, I hope we (hall have fome bum fighting : His Grace of the terrible cannon afraid is, But they can't be too loud for myfelf or the Ladies; Nay, as for my own part, I'm only in doubt, Of which is moil noify, the camp or a rout ; And I'm fure, that in both there's A charming confufion. Says my Lady Lonehand, " What a happy allufion ! As I live, all thefe Officers, Soldiers, and Guards, Appear, to my thinking, one great pack of cards : Sea [ 8 ] See the Gen'ral advance with drums, trumpets, and flutes, Why 'tis only the dear King o'Di'monds in boots ; And fly Col'nel Rammer, fharp-vifag'd and grave, Is fo like, that a blind- man would think him the Knave : Says the Major G d me I think I (hall fplit, For ne'er in my life did I hear fo much wit ; Your fatire fo brilliant exceeds all compare, But why mould not you, Ladies, come in for your {hare ? Since you fay that our Leaders fo gallant and fine, Like the Di'mond belac'd in their uniform fhine, By her Gait Amazonian and large Pair o'B j, I aver Lady Antlet the fair Queen o'Clubb is, And all who excell in politenefs and parts Swear Allegiance to Granby, the Sov'reign of Hearts ! But let us, Dear Ladies, one moment look back, And make our remarks an the reft of the Pack : On demireps r dowagers, black-legs and jades, A mixture of court-cards, clubs, di'monds, and fpades : See the Scotchman's fair daughter, with gallants all round her, Who never yet fhrank from a midnight encounter; His f 9 3 His high rank and eftate her loft hulband adorns, Whofe fair fpreading laurels keeps pace with his horns. Note that Ufurer's conntenance, callous- and grum, Tis Pope of all fcoundrels, the cream and the fcum, Who had rather by half, for the national good, See a Baronet hang'd, than an army review'd : How the Gamblers look up to their friend Sir John Ladle, Who mounted the Car when he quitted the Cradle ; I wifh you could fee him an inn-yard drive into, And make hands with his whore at his dining-room window 5 For to no one more homage is paid, let me tell ye, By waiters, bawds, oftlers, and Captain O'Kelly. The ram youth, who hath reach'd that extravagant height, Where the fon of old Daedalus took his mad flight ; Like periods await, and he ioon mall behold, How frail his reliance on plumage of gold. Thathandfome gilt chariot juft now broken down,. Enclofes a Patriot of mickle renown ; In abject confuiion he trembles and reels* And avers that the flate has demoliih'd his wheels ; D But C 10 J But the King may his right loyal city explore, And cry as Old Harry cxclaim'd heretofore, God be thank'd I've ten thoufand fuch patriots more. Like a herd of ftruck deer gay Sir Watkin aghaft is, Who together have graz'd, and together make parties, While they fain would lay hold on the Antlers of others, Who this maxim imbibe with the milk of their mothers, In diftrefs to turn tail on Republican Brothers. Then to Guildhall he hies him, and ftarts for the Chair, " Oh Gentlemen, make me your worthy Lord Mayor * ! * By a Gang of refpe&able varlets this day " I was call'd on in truth, and they told me to fay, " That the city of London, both great and important, " Had need to look fharp, that's the long and the iliort on't ; '* Since two mighty pow'rs are engaging the nation, " And your favory felves in a rank fituation, " Like Portugal Onions move tears of companion ; " My own things and my Lady's grow every day worfe, " I have emptied my noddle, my bowels, and purfe, * Vide Verbatum, from the Daily Advertifer, September 29, 1778. So '* So my friends in your choice you muft be very cautious." Thus ended Sir Knight his oration fo naufeous, But thefe fwaggering blades to his eloquence dumb, Unanimous voted for Alderman Plumb, Who repleniih'd the throne with his worfhipful Bum. Ah ftretch not Sir Knight thine invincible face, Thou may'ft yet be permitted to carry the Mace. Great Wilkes fees his Vaffals lie fprawling below, And tears like the tears of Old Lucifer flow, For Old Lucifer wept, as John Milton can tell, When he took a furvey of the Devils in Hell. Oh Chieftain ! the firfl who fhook off thine allegiance, Wag'd war againft Rulers and honeft obedience : The firft who the flag of contention unfurl'd, And in open rebellion enlifted the world; Thou Cardinal Evil, and Scourge of the Nations, Behold in their wane thine accurfl Exhalations. Oh Caitiff! no longer the funbeams refulgent, To thee and thy mifcreant legions indulgent, Shall Shall cheer the dark paths which thy footfteps have trod* To dishonour thy Country, thy King, and thy God : But amongft all this throng we mall find, to be fure, The extravagant daughter of old Sir J M $ 'Tis yon fkittifh filly, in want of a Rider, So fond of the Leveret fquatting befide her. You're miftaken, my dear, that's Vifcountefs Ran tan drum, With the Bifhop of Soap-fuds, and Lord Caleandrum ;. And, Major, what ails you ? why fare you muft know, That Sir Charles has been done, up thefe fix weeks ago ; And her Ladyihip drain'd of her money and wits, Sirs, Is to Coventry gone, or the land of the Switzers. How yon hot-headed Senator drives all before him ! Like him who dismounted old Ahab and Joram : The Courtiers give way, for his very looks fright'erri, You may f wear 'tis the generous Landlord of Whiteham Of the Minifters fee he is making flrange work, And applies his own Birch to the Flogger of York 5 The r 13 i The eyes of the Court he' befpatters with mud, And whatever he fwears to, will feal with his blood; He damns all the Spencers illuilrious family, Though they fweated our foes at the battle of Ramillie : Protefts againft Counfellors, Meafures, and Taxes, And for ev'ry State Noddle is whetting his axes ; In his country's dear caufe his laft drop he would fpill, And wear out his horfe-whip, his purfe, and his quill. Oh blind to thine honours, thy rank, and eftate ! Who cauft bet with the tenant that bows at thy gate ^ Oh thou to whom fate with indulgence uncommon, Has entrufted the beft and the lovlieft of women ! With horror reflect on the day that enfues, When a prey to. Thieves, Gamblers, Pimps, Jockies, and Jews, Thy rich acres devolve, and thy manfions fo fair And the fcum of creation thy royalties wear $ Thy children difpers'd on the face of the earth Shall curfe the dire planet that reign'd at their birth * Thy firft-born for bread at a levee mall bow, And pawn the bright wreath that encircles his brow. But [ 14 1 But take notice, Dear Bab, on the right of the camp is Lady Rottenjaw flirting with Admiral Grampus. With her odious red hand me is patting his cheek, While he favours and looks juft as frem as a Leek. There is no need to prove from old mufty fentences, That great people make little ufe of their fenfes* My lady, indeed, wears a decent Probofcis, Yet fome folks there are cannot fmell with their Nofes j And the Gentry of Weftminfter, when they get by't, Cannot fee with their eyes to difcern black from white* How many fair dames with the help of a candle Cou'd fcarce afcertain ev'ry flrange thing they handle ! . To deny folks have legs you might fancy flrange talk, Yet many who have, never ufe them to walk ; And I'm lure if you heard their fantaftical notes, There's not Ten in Ten Thoufand who fpeak thro' their throats. That their Makers are like'em in Scripture 'tis writ, 1 heir hair-drelTers, milliners, taylors to wit : , ji 1: i -Jj^iM^Ri And by the fame Scriptures we're credibly told, 'til' ^ ffrifi af*t**.l -r That their idols are nothing but filver and gold. Says f is J Says General Twadgel, and curl'd his left jaw, " You put me in mind of a drollifh old faw; "But you're all of you Ladies, I'd almoft forgot, " 1 was going to tell you the Devil knows what." Dear Twadgel, let's have it."" Good Ma'am, 'tis indecent" We'll pinch him to death but we'll all have a peice on't : *> /. His nofe, I beg Pardon, I meant to have faid, Mrs. Roundabout kick'd the poor foul out of bed. : Sir David, you know, weighs a tun and a half; 'Tis a facl:, but don't tell it, 'twill make people laugh : And the Knight is fo fore, fo courageous and bloody* If laugh'd at, he'd run his own wife thro' the body, j} L'-ti See that mirrour of Knighthood, who up the hill clambers It can be no other than Sir W. m C ! Sir William ! the fame who the world over went all,. As appears by his treatife on Tafle Oriental; The C '7 3 The Architect famous, who gave to our view, The fine houfe in the Strand, that is fpick-and-fpan new. And a Barn and a Lanthorn has built on its roof, Of our art and his own to exhibit a proof . At the top of the front you may fee the Town Lafles, Survey the Stone Beadles, and laugh at their fafces ; *' Had Bridewell fuch Beadles, they never would hurt us* 1 ' Stone Beadles, my Lord ! they're the Cardinal Virtues, It never can be fure they came, by their forehead, From Newgate, the dry nurfe of vifages horrid J; Yet GeniufTes often have comical whimfies, And the houfe is a good one but damn his Brick Chimnies. Take notice of old Sir O Hara Mac Daniel, One leg in the grave, and the other in flannel ; Above the Royal Arms, which completely finifh the front of the building, the Architect has ere&ed a cumbrous Exhibition Room for the Royal Academy. J Leonum Arida nutrix. HOR. F And r is 3 And Enfign Cold Streamer, fo clofely acquainted With my Lady, be-plafter'd, be^pifs'd and be-painted. See yon portly Stew'rd, does your Ladyfhip ken him ? Lord W , attending his Mailer of Blenheim ; While Madam looks down on the rabble with {corn, Oh , full high flie exalteth thine horn * And her delicate fingers, we all muft allow> Look as if they had never been milking a cow* But a few years ago you Was humble and civil> Set a beggar on horfeback, fhe'll ride to the deviL Obferve thofe fine cattle that gallop before, Bold Mac Stony-batter, and Lady ; Who 'fcap'd from BumbailifFs, by pufhing a face, has Full poffeffion obtain'd of my Lady's good graces ; An impudent Fellow, ne'er at a lofs known was, And carries a Lady, as well as a ftone-horfe. With full as much Brafs in his countenance wroth, Comes Parfon Crofs- buttock, Difgrace to his cloth ! For i f '9 J '' F "~ O~ t For abufe the brave Parfon had always a handle, He fat out at firft with retailing of fcandal : To America, honours and wealth he tranflated, And King, Lords, and Commons inceffantly baited, When the Great to avoid Defamation, they fay, Made this Clerical Scavenger Vicar of Bray ; And you cannot imagine how alter'd the farce is, The Court he extolls both in Prole and in Verfes - y And the Rebels he fwears have not rags to their . He now with profound veneration can fquint on The wonderful prowefs of General Clinton, And fafe home to Mamma counter-march Matter H- With a Thicket of Laurels that bloom round his brow ; While Washington's ragged retainers he'd poifon, For enriching the ocean with Congo and Hyfon. Such charms has vile gold for the abject and mean, And fo juftly hath *Flaccus enthron'd her a Queen, f Et Decus & Formam Regina Pecunia donat. HOR. For C *<> 3 For the fyftem of Midas our Black Coat has learn'd, Who melted to Guineas the Butter he churn'd. Yon fteeds all bedeckt with gay trappings and new bitts, Bear a matron whofe head meafures full forty cubits ; Confefs'd by her gait and her furbelow'd gown, Mrs. Alderman Drawbridge from London's fine town. Mrs. Alderman, Sir, by her Mane I mould fwear That herfelf or her hufband at lean: was the May'r. See fierce Count Orourko, whofe broad moulders bore him Slap-dam thro' the world like his Coufin before him ; Yet Orourko, tho' frequently kick'd," as heart whole is, And a Captain as brave as Will Shakeipeare's Parolles. Take notice of yonder fanatical rout Encircling their Methodift Preacher about; Who turn up their eyes with devotion and wonder, Like Mufcovy Ducks in a loud Clap of Thunder ; While in Thunder their Teacher delivers his fermon, W T hite-waming their Souls with the pure Dew of Kermon 5 For ai 3 For fo foul were they worn that their Owners no hopes had, Save in Wafh-Tub of Grace and New-Covenant Soapfud. If you'd dabble in Lather of Regeneration, Read on to your Comfort and Edification : A METHODIST SE R MO N. 1 O H accurfed Mifereants bound in .Chains of grofs iniquity, All the Fiends of Hell furrounding ! Porkers fat in carnal Stye. % Pull your hats off, learn Good Manners All that to this 'Grace-Shop come - t Here Damnation waves his Banners, While the Devil beats his Drum. Leave your Fathers and your Mothers, Leave your Wives and Children dear, I'm your Shepherd Damn all others ! I can fave you never fear. G See t 22 ] See the fleecy clouds are rending, Down from Heav'n a Poft-bby trots, All in radiant White defcending, Come to foak up inky blots. Inky Blots of Sin and Satan's, Filthy Rags and running Sores ; Rotten Tongues that hate their Matins, 1 Sutlers, Captains, Rogues, and Whores. See the Devil intercepting, ^^^ Tries to knock him off his Steed ; Honeft Paul in time has ftepp'd in, Here's old Hell to pay indeed ! Two to One is Odds at Fbot- ball, The foul Fiend is prefled fore ; Kick his heart out Branch and Root *Ball, Hark ' yburfelves may hear him roar ! ^ * Ball, the Name of the Celeftial Poft-Boy's Horfe. Now C 23 ] Now pull Devil, Paul, and Baker, Devil to the Spittle goes , Five to Four the Brimftone Raker, Dares not (hew his naked Nofe. Lucifer, thou Morning Star, Oh Doft thou leave us in the lurch ; Gone where *Noll, Pope Joan, and Pharaoh, Sting their Bums with burning Birch. MeiTenger of Joy eternal, Open Revelation Mail -, Types of Grace adorn the Journal, Sent in Thunder, Storm, and Hail. * ', * Read, oh read the Crumbs of Comfort ! Sion's Morning Poft recites, Rig your Bums at heav'nly Romford, Shfcvell'd fore with baleful Blights. * Oliver Cromwell. Lo ! r *4 ] Lo t I advertife by au&ion, ,Ii Apozcm for finful Chops, i Saving Love's divine Decoction Shedding fweet its ghoftly drops. For each Bunter, Brim, and Trollop, Full of Worldly Itch and Pox, Pills of right Salvation Jalop, Two-pence purchafes a Box, Maudlin Souls who fwallow Satan, In your Midriff lies the rogue, There he fhall no longer fatten* This will make you difembogue, I'm your Father and Phyfician, Wretches drunk with worldly Gin, Wrapt in fweet emetic Vifion, Caft away your Slough of Sin. Bring C 25 3 Bring, oh bring your filthy Riches, Treafure get that never dies ; Forg'd for true Believer's Breeches, New Jerus'iem Hooks and Eyes.* Little callow Chicken blefled Who no longer wifh to flray, 'Neath my Cormorant Wings carefTed, Lo, the Path to Realms of Day ! Foricus of Faith exploring, Golden hope you there mall find, When the latter blaft is roaring, Sin abfterging from behind. All the twilight Banners waving, Round the lufcious Feaft of Love, Ranting Cherubs, Seraphs braving Buttock bare with ghoflly move. * " Hooks and Eyes, for Believers Breeches," the Title of a fanatical Trearife. Vide Baxter's Spiritual Shove to a heavy-ars'd Chriftian. I-N THE PR ESS, "'*. w ^^-H..***-^ *^' .; ::*j TSv^i ttf?i J:r And fpeedily will be publiflied, *.;: / ?! L^A eilqcll msl\. THE ;!*, read 10, al his, at the. 15, periods await, period awaits. 10, Note, Vide Verb^tum, Verbatim. 12, I, jfcrtfo }; i ?cy ^ ^ A Pv S L> i I 8 ! 8 . r-> r^, ->J I i rr ^AiiVMiH^ 7^ } rraoMi^ =t ^ =r i r\r Hirer r A 000080199 3