PERCY HAMILTON; 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF A WESTMINSTER BOY. 
 
 BY 
 
 LORD WILLIAM LENNOX. 
 
 l8fi€u yj/'evdea noWa Xeytiu ervfioicriv afxoia 
 
 iSfiev S' eur' eOeXofiev ahrjdea fivdrjaacrdai. 
 
 ILesiod. 
 
 " Sometimes, fair truth in fiction we disguise ; 
 Sometimes, present her naked to men's eyes." 
 
 Spectator. 
 
 IN THREE VOLUMES. 
 VOL. I. 
 
 LONDON: 
 W. SHOBERL, PUBLISHER, 
 
 20, GREAT MARLBOROUGH STREET. 
 1851.
 
 LONDON : 
 
 PUINTJiU BY MYEKS AND CO., 
 
 22, TAVISTOCK STREET, tOVENT GARDEN.
 
 U^ p 
 
 V.I 
 
 TO THE READER. 
 
 Some of the "Sayings and Doings" 
 recorded in the following pages, (which 
 have already appeared in a sporting period- 
 ical), have been derived from the daily 
 jonrnals kept by a much- valued friend and 
 school-fellow at Westminster, Avho placed 
 them in my hands with a view to publi- 
 cation: and, as I participated in many of 
 the earlier " freaks and follies," as well as in 
 various of the latter adventures, I feel not 
 a little pleasure in laying before the public 
 the results of my friend's and my own experi- 
 ence, doubting not that the fidelity of the
 
 2 TO THE READER. 
 
 sketches introduced of life at the far-famed 
 school in Dean's Yard, as well as of subse- 
 quent events, will be recognised by many a 
 person who took part in them, and who 
 may still feel an interest in looking back to 
 the "days of his youth," and to the scenes 
 in which he figured when " A Westminster 
 Boy." 
 
 William Pitt Lennox. 
 
 London, June 1st, 185 L
 
 PEllCY HAMILTON; 
 
 OR, THE 
 
 ADVENTURES OF A WESTMINSTER BOY. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 -" At first, the infant, 
 
 Muling and puking in the nurse's arms ; 
 And then, the whinmg schoolboy, with his satchel, 
 And shhiing morning face, creeping like snail 
 Unwillingly to school." 
 
 Shakspeare. 
 
 Birth, Parentage, and Education — Christmas at a Country- 
 house — Journey to London — A six inside Stage Coach of 
 the Olden Time — The Lawyei's' Clerk's Story of the 
 Two Friends and the Highwaymen — Arrival in the 
 Metropolis. — The M.D.'s of Forty Years ago — Introduc- 
 tion to " Mother Pack," Dean's Yard, Westminster. 
 
 As I have assumed a nom de guerre, it 
 would be perfectly needless to inflict upon 
 my readers a full, true, and particular ac- 
 count of the birth and parentage of the 
 humble individual who now makes his first 
 
 VOL. I. B
 
 2 TERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 appearance before them. Adopting, then, 
 the phraseology of the apology-makers of the 
 London Theatres, I throw myself upon the 
 indulgence of the public, and, following out 
 the system as regards melo-dramas, request 
 my readers will suppose some few years have 
 elapsed from the day of my birth until that 
 upon which I am about to introduce myself 
 upon the stage in the great drama of life. 
 During that eventful period of pap, long- 
 clothes, mewling, caps, rosettes, teething, 
 crying, and sprawling, I was an average 
 sample of juvenile humanity. As a matter 
 of course, my nurse pronounced me to be 
 " the sweetest, and prettiest dear, she had 
 ever clapped eyes upon." My mother would 
 not, for worlds, as Gay quaintly remarks — 
 
 " Have changed her booby for another." 
 
 My father hailed me as the most promising 
 " young-'un" he had ever seen ; and, before 1 
 completed my sixth year, offered to back me 
 against any one of my age and size, either
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 3 
 
 across the country or in the pugiHstic ring ; 
 for in the clays of which I write the knife had 
 not been substituted for the fist. The hunts- 
 man looked upon me as a most owdacious 
 younfj; varlet ; the grooms called me an out- 
 and-out trump; while the game-keeper de- 
 clared in the whole course of his life, he had 
 never seen such a hand at a sparrow, and that, 
 if I went on as I had begun, I should some day 
 rival Colonel Hawker, the then crack shot of 
 the day. 
 
 At ray christening an event occurred of 
 rather the sporting order, and which may, 
 for aught I know to the contrary, have 
 "•iven me a taste for doo-s ever since. In 
 the private chapel attached to the house, 
 baptisms were of rare occurrence; but a 
 heavy fall of snow having blocked up the 
 neighbouring roads, it was decided that the 
 ceremony should take place at home. Be- 
 fore, however, it had proceeded very far, it 
 was discovered that there was no font in 
 the building. The huntsman, old Tom Prior, 
 soon detected this, and, rushing into the 
 
 b2
 
 4 PEECY HAMILTON. 
 
 stable-yard, quickly returned with a small 
 stone basin that had been placed there for 
 the use of a favourite retriever, — Tip. In 
 this was the ceremony concluded ; and from 
 that day I received a sobriquet which will 
 be attached to mc to my last hour, — that of 
 Tip. The nurses called me Master Tip, 
 while my relatives and friends dropped the 
 former title of courtesy. In after life, it has 
 often puzzled my companions to discover the 
 origin of this appellation, and which, until 
 explained, sounded as mysterious as those of 
 Kangaroo, Punch, Bacchus, Teapot, Cupid, 
 Pogey, Skirmish, Poodle, Ginger, Dodo, and 
 others which have been attached to by-gone 
 and present men about town. 
 
 My earliest recollections refer to the period 
 when I was some five or six years old, and 
 to a sweet spot in the west of Sussex. The 
 farm-house in which I dwelt had belonged, 
 for ages, to my ancestors, and was tenanted 
 by a worthy couple. There, under the care 
 of a kind-hearted French emigre^ was I placed. 
 The room assigned to me looked towards the
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 5 
 
 sea, over manifold beautiful greeu slopes, 
 and wooded banks. Pic-nic parties, and 
 many a carriage from the neighbouring town 
 of Chichester, diversified the scenery during 
 the bright part of the year, and, in winter, 
 shooting and hunting parties enlivened the 
 vicinity. One of the first events which 
 I distinctly remember, was the news of my 
 great uncle's death, by which my father 
 inherited a title and large property. After 
 the funeral, my father and his family 
 took possession of the patrimonial estate, and 
 I joined the circle, having, from the small- 
 ness of their former residence, been an out- 
 boarder for some two years. Surrounded 
 by brothers and sisters, with scarcely a wish 
 ungratified, with youth's buoyant and happy 
 spirits difi'used in every limb; all without 
 and within was like light and sunshine. 
 
 Of my parents, I shall merely say that I 
 was the fourth son of a family, that, accord- 
 ing to Burke, the compiler of the human 
 stud-book, had done the state some service. 
 The family mansion was, as I have said, situ-
 
 6 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 ated in the county of Sussex ; and there, upon 
 the eighth anniversary of my natal day, I must 
 introduce my readers. A large party had 
 assembled for the Christmas holidays. Hunt- 
 in": and shootin": had been the order of the 
 day, while dancing, music, round games, and 
 snap-dragon, had beguiled the long winter 
 evenings ; for at that period the dinner hour 
 was six, instead of four hours before mid- 
 night, as it is at present in the fashionable 
 country-houses. 
 
 All was gaiety and joy, and, but for one 
 dark thought, the Avriter of these pages would 
 have been the happiest of the whole party. 
 The gloom that occasionally would obtrude 
 itself upon my then buoyant spirit, was 
 caused by the remembrance that in three 
 weeks I was to leave home for the first time 
 to go to Westminster. In vain did my youth- 
 ful companions (some of whom from that 
 celebrated school were passing their holidays) 
 attempt to convince me of the delights of 
 Dean's Yard, the football in the cloisters, 
 the cricket at Tothill Fields, the rowing and
 
 PERCY ha:milton. 7 
 
 sailing on the river, the skating on the duck- 
 pond, the shooting near the Willow-walk, 
 the fights with the skies ^ i.e. blackguards, 
 and, above all, the jolly " tucks-in" at the 
 establishments of the purveyors of edibles 
 and buvables to the college, from Monger 
 the Jew, with his basket of sour oranges, 
 flavourless grapes, acrid plums, and saccha- 
 rine lollypops, to the tavern then patronized 
 by the Westminster boys, in Bridge-street, 
 near Palace Yard. 
 
 None of these anticipated pleasures could 
 reconcile me to the thoughts of quitting home, 
 of taking leave of my parents, of being 
 separated from my brothers and sisters, 
 the sharers of my early joys, for what I 
 then thought an age — to leave my pony 
 Aladdin for two months to the mercy 
 of the groom, to part with young Tip, 
 the son of the canine friend of my child- 
 hood, and to bid good-bye to a troop of 
 friends, the housekeeper, old Mother Bur- 
 ridge, as we then called a buxom widow of 
 six or seven-and-thirty, Tom Prior, the
 
 8 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 huntsman, Jem Curtis and Will Lathom, 
 the Avhippers-in, John Farndale the game- 
 keeper, and last not least, Farmer Harris, 
 a sportsman of the old school, who had taught 
 me the first rudiments of shooting, had 
 " entered " me with the foxhounds, and 
 showed me the way across the countr}^, he 
 being himself one of the fastest men in that 
 part of England. 
 
 But time circled on ; and the day previously 
 to my departure for Westminster arrived. 
 It was a glorious morning, and there was 
 a lawn meeting of the foxhounds. Although 
 sadly dispirited at the thought of where I 
 should be " that time to-morrow," I mounted 
 my pony, and, with a merry-hearted party, 
 trotted off to a small wood within a mile of 
 the house. There we immediately found, 
 and in the ardour of the chase I had no time 
 left me for reflection. After a brilliant run 
 of five-and-thirty minutes, we killed in the 
 open — a rare occurrence in the wooded and 
 hilly county of Sussex; and I was fortunate 
 enough to get the brush — more a mark of
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. » 
 
 kindness than desert, for, although I rode 
 forward, I was not up to my usual form. 
 
 Upon our return home, a proposition was 
 made that we should wind up the shooting- 
 season in the home preserves; and, as the 
 hour of the hounds meeting in those days 
 was ten o'clock punctually, we were equipped 
 for the field by one o'clock. Our sport was 
 excellent, and I could not help contrasting 
 this day with those of the next two months. 
 
 Before dinner, I gave strict injunctions to 
 the groom to look well after Aladdin, and 
 gave young Tip over to the care of the game- 
 keeper. I then proceeded to my room, to 
 superintend the awful task of packing ; 
 and what chaotic confusion here presented 
 itself to me ! Upon one chair lay my hunting- 
 whip and spurs; my shooting apparatus on 
 a sofa; wdiile the floor was literally filled 
 with articles of dress scattered about in every 
 direction. My fishing-tackle was stowed 
 away in the wardrobe ; my mantel-piece was 
 stocked with shot-cartridges, flints, skates, 
 foxes' brushes, wires which I had taken in 
 
 b3
 
 10 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 the woods, fives'-balls and rackets, feathers 
 for artificial flies, balls of twine for landing- 
 nets, bonces and marbles. In one corner of 
 the room was a selection of ash plants, for 
 whips and walking-sticks; in another, cricket 
 bats and stumps; and a huge glass-case 
 fitted with stuffed birds and animals, which 
 had fallen by my gun, or been ferreted by 
 me, showed what my prowess had been in 
 the field. How all my "necessaries," as 
 they call them in the army, were to be put 
 within the wooden walls of a schoolboy's 
 deal box, was a problem I did not venture 
 to attempt to solve ; and I left the elucidation 
 of it to that most useful of all useful " helps" 
 — the stewards'-room boy, who valeted me. 
 Making a most elaborate toilet — for I was a 
 juvenile Brummel in those days — I descended 
 to the drawing-room, where a large party of 
 country neighbours were assembled. 
 
 The dii'iner went off with great spirit; the 
 Kimrods and ramrods were equally delighted 
 with their day's sport; bumper toasts were 
 given when the ladies had left the room, for
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 11 
 
 at that period the continental fashion of re- 
 tiring ahnost immediately after the fair sex 
 had not been introduced. Unlike the present 
 fashion, it was a very late hour before (to 
 adopt a line of one of Planche s clever paro- 
 dies) "John informed the gentlemen he'd 
 taken up the tea." No sooner did we enter 
 the drawing-room, than a carpet-dance was 
 proposed; and, as waltzes and quadrilles 
 were not even in perspective existence, we 
 were compelled to be satisfied with what is 
 now deemed a sad vulgarity — the English 
 country dance. This led to a cotillon, and 
 it was nearly one o'clock before Sir Roger de 
 Coverley wound up the amusements of the 
 night. As I said " good night" to relatives 
 and friends, I remembered that in five hours 
 the carriage was to be at the door, to convey 
 me to the coach, which passed within two 
 miles of the house. 
 
 I shall not attempt to describe ray feelings 
 as I entered my own room : a cheerful wood 
 fire blazed on the hearth ; it was a bright 
 moonlight night ; I looked out of my window
 
 12 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 upon the ancestral trees, and in the language 
 of the novelist, " threw myself upon my 
 couch, and gave way to a flood of tears." 
 Nature came to my relief; and, after a few 
 hours' repose, in which the scenes of the day 
 flitted before me, I was awakened by the 
 entrance of the housemaid, to light my fire. 
 The window-curtains were thrown open, the 
 candles lighted, and, to my dismay, I saw 
 that the ground was partially covered with 
 snow; shivering and shaking before a wood 
 fire, that filled the room with smoke, I 
 made my toilet, and descended into the 
 library, where a footman, in rather slovenly 
 attire, who was suffering from the eff*ects 
 of late and early hourc?, and no small quan- 
 tity of negus and punch which he had ap- 
 propriated to himself between the drawing 
 and steward's room, was now laying the 
 cloth. 
 
 My meal was prepared, but I turned from 
 it with disgust ; and rushing into my parents' 
 room, took an aff'ectionate farewell of them 
 and my brothers and sisters. The carriage
 
 PERCY UAMILTON. 13 
 
 was at the door, my box placed within it, 
 with a huge hamper containing school-boys' 
 luxuries, the gift of the housekeeper, by its 
 side, and a small paper gave me the list of 
 the condiments Mrs. Burridge's kindness 
 had prepared for me : — plum-cake, oranges, 
 apples, almonds, raisins, currant jelly, biscuits 
 and strawberry jam. A brace of pheasants 
 and a hare for my new tutor, my father's old 
 schoolfellow, were hung on the lamps, while 
 a basket of provisions for the road, enough 
 to satisfy the appetites of the six inside pas- 
 sengers — should the coach be full — were 
 handed to me as I took my seat by the side 
 of the under butler, who was to escort me 
 to Dean's Yard. 
 
 After a dull and miserable drive through 
 fields and plantations, that were most fami- 
 liar to me — scenes of youthful joy — we 
 reached the " Bat and Ball," a small wayside 
 inn ; and, at the door of it, to my great de- 
 light I saw my friends Tom Prior and the 
 gamekeeper waiting to receive me. They 
 had bestirred the whole house, and I found
 
 14 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 a cheerful fire blazing in the kitchen. But 
 I was not allowed to enjoy the comfort of it 
 for many minutes, for the ostler, who had 
 been on the look-out, speedily entered, and 
 told us the coach was in sight. The hunts- 
 man pressed both my hands, and wished me 
 health and happiness, at the same time pre- 
 senting me with a most beautiful hunting- 
 whip, as a remembrance of his regard ; while 
 honest John Farndale, the gamekeeper, 
 merely said — "Take care of yourself. Master 
 Percy ; I'll look after Young Tip, and per- 
 haps you'll allow me to put this collar round 
 his neck," displaying at the same time one 
 of chain steel, with my names engraved at 
 full length upon the plate. I tried to thank 
 my two old sporting companions, but had 
 scarcely uttered a word, when the landlord 
 informed me that my luggage was packed, 
 and that Jem — so the coachman was called 
 — was ready. 
 
 " No hurry, young gentleman ; " said the 
 above-mentioned knight of the ribands, " I've 
 a few minutes to spare."
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 15 
 
 This was a delicate hint to me, as I was 
 told by the huntsman to " stand a drop 
 of purl,'' which I accordingly did ; and, after 
 warming himself thoroughly both without 
 and within, the coachman — a specimen of 
 that class in those days, fat, burley, and 
 bloated — handed me in, then mounted the 
 box, and after '' hying," " ya-hipping," 
 and " gy-alonging," succeeded in getting the 
 heavy vehicle, a six-inside coach, and its 
 lumbering cattle into a trot. I then turned 
 round to look at my companions, but 
 although no great studier of Lavater, their 
 physiognomies did not please me. There 
 was an over-fed London grazier, rude both 
 in health and manners; an antiquated 
 spinster, redolent of musk and Macassar; 
 a fat nurse and a squalling child, whose ap- 
 petite could not be satisfied with ginger- 
 bread nuts and oranges, and whose temper 
 could not be controlled by certain shakings 
 and scoldings ; a pert bread-and-butter 
 miss (niece to the venerable specimen of 
 virginity), who was returning to a finishing
 
 16 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 establishment at Clapham, and who divided 
 her time between reading a dog's-eared book 
 of sonnets, and ogling the only other pas- 
 senger left me to describe. He, as I after- 
 wards discovered, was a lawyer's clerk in a 
 celebrated firm in Lincoln's Inn, and was as 
 complete a buffoon and practical jester 
 as it ever was my misfortune to encounter. 
 
 Billy Sanders — so he was called — had at- 
 tempted to be the Theodore Hook of a small 
 coterie uf liinbs of the law. He had got up 
 a stupid second-hand hoax, which flashed in 
 the pan ; and, having failed in this, he was 
 content to show his humour by breaking 
 lamps, flooring " Charleys," wrenching off 
 knockers, and sending barrels and hampers of 
 stones, dead rats, and oyster-shells, as Christ- 
 mas presents to his friends in the country, 
 who, seeing them marked game, with occasion- 
 ally a pheasant's feather or hare's foot pro- 
 truding, never discovered the joke until the 
 carriage was duly paid, and the handsome 
 cadeau opened amidst the smiles and jeers of 
 the servants. Sanders was a buck of the
 
 PERCY HAMILTOX. 17 
 
 first water; for in those days the terms 
 ''dandy" and "exquisite" were scarcely 
 known. His costume was a caricature of 
 the dress of the time, which, being the 
 period of the peninsular campaign, had given 
 rise to a military style ; and the Bond-street 
 lounger appeared, as did young Latitat upon 
 this occasion, in a lightish grey great coat 
 and cape, imitation military buttons, trou- 
 sers, or rather over-alls of a darker colour, 
 strapped with white leather, with an open- 
 ing on the sides, near the boots, fastened 
 together Avitli loops, or buttons. A steel 
 curb chain from the top loop going under 
 the boot, which added to the noise of the 
 fixed military spur, made a prodigious rat- 
 tling over the stone pavement. 
 
 Mr. Sanders had always an eye to busi- 
 ness; and, hearing that I was well-con- 
 nected, he paid me every attention during 
 the journey ; but finding that the old maid 
 was awfully afraid of robbers, he indulged 
 us nearly the whole way up with stories of the 
 highwaymen of the day. One anecdote he
 
 18 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 told US, which I have never yet forgotten, 
 and, although nearly forty years have 
 elapsed since that period, I can even now 
 " in my mind's eye" see the startling effect 
 his dramatic powers produced upon the- 
 inside passengers, as he recounted the story. 
 The grazier dropped his chin, and looked 
 what the world call *' flabbergasted." The 
 fat nurse ejaculated "Oh, my!" "Oh 
 dear ! " and " Bless me ! " The prim old 
 lady shook like an aspen leaf; and the 
 young Miss was all attention, intending to 
 embody the incident in a stor}^ for the 
 " Polite Museum of Literature." 
 
 " Two travellers were journeying together 
 over a dreary common," began the lawyer, 
 " when one remarked to the other that he 
 trusted they should not fall in with any 
 highwayman, as he had one hundred pounds 
 secreted in his boot." 
 
 " Oh ! " said the grazier with a start, feel- 
 ing his breast pocket, where evidently his 
 treasure was. 
 
 Sanders proceeded : — " They had not
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 19 
 
 gone many miles before they came to a most 
 secluded spoi, where four cross roads met." 
 
 "Bless me!" cries the nurse, " I hope 
 this wasn't the place." 
 
 "The new-made earth round the finger- 
 post," continued the clerk, " and a gibbet 
 at some little distance, with a body suspended 
 in chains to it, showed that two victims had 
 lately suffered the extreme penalty of the 
 law ; they had been companions in crime, 
 and having robbed the mail, had killed the 
 guard. An offer of a free pardon, and two 
 hundred pounds reward, had been pro- 
 claimed, when one of the wretches, actuated 
 by vile lucre, turned king's evidence, and 
 split upon his friend. Although he had 
 taken part in the robbery, as he did not 
 fire the fatal ball, his pardon was granted ; 
 but, on the morning of the execution of his 
 partner in guilt, remorse seized hold of him, 
 and by his own hand he rid the countr}^ of 
 a villain." 
 
 Here one of the horses gibbed at a hill, 
 and the tremulous virgin was nearly thrown 
 into an hysterical fit.
 
 20 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 " But to my story. The two travellers 
 reached the spot I have described ; the 
 wind whistled across the heath, the chain 
 of the gibbet clanked." 
 
 Here the coach stopped suddenly, and the 
 pole-chain made a noise very akin to tliat 
 which Sanders was describing. 
 
 " The birds of carrion hovered over the 
 new-made grave; the body of the murderer 
 dangled in the air." 
 
 At this moment, the strap of the tarpaulin 
 on the roof broke from a sudden jerk, and 
 swinjiino: a.'T^ainst the window, broke it into 
 atoms. 
 
 " Oh ! oh ! oh ! " ejaculated my com- 
 panions. 
 
 " Well, as they passed the gibbet, three 
 men suddenly rushed forward, determined, 
 as they swore with a dreadful imprecation, 
 to have the money or the lives of the tra- 
 vellers. 
 
 " ' Spare our lives ! Take all I have," 
 said one, ' here it is ! ' offering a handful 
 of silver ; 'but my companion has a larger 
 sum hid away in his left boot.'
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 21 
 
 " ' Traitor ! ' exclaimed the other ; -while 
 the highway-men, with blackened faces and 
 cocked pistols, proceeded to take off his boots. 
 
 " ' If you've spoken false,' shouted one of 
 the marauders, ' I'll give you an ounce of 
 lead for your pains.' 
 
 " ' He's spoken truth ! ' responded the 
 searcher. ' Here's a prize ! — a hundred pound 
 in Bank of England notes ! ' 
 
 " Securing the prize, tlie two travellers 
 were blindfolded, and bound to the finger- 
 post, while the horse was taken out of their 
 gig and turned loose on the common. It 
 was an hour before they were released from 
 their position, during which period the ill- 
 used victim vented his imprecations pretty 
 loudly. Upon reaching the next town, where 
 a deposition was made before the magistrate, 
 the worthy justice commented in rather a 
 severe strain upon the base conduct of the 
 wretch who could act so treacherous a 
 part. 
 
 " ' Hear my palliation ! ' meekly said the 
 accused.
 
 22 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 " ' Oh, stand down ! ' responded the man 
 in authority. 
 
 " ' One word ! ' continued the other. ' My 
 object in the declaration I made was not to 
 screen myself at another's expense. I knew 
 that my companion had a hundred pounds 
 hid in his boot. I had twelve hundred 
 pounds in my waistband. Had I been 
 searched, that sum must have been disco- 
 vered. I thought it better to sacrifice the 
 smaller to the larger sum. 1 now return 
 the money I was the means of his being de- 
 prived of, and in future recommend him to 
 be more prudent in keeping his own 
 counsel.'" 
 
 Here the coach drove up to the door of 
 that excellent hostellerie, the Kino^'s Arms, 
 at Godalming, where the father of the late 
 popular host, Mr, Moon, was ready to receive 
 us. Our dinner went off dully. I was too 
 dispirited to eat. Despite of a few practical 
 jokes, _such as throwing marbles in the fire, 
 to crack all over the room, emptying the 
 cayenne bottle into the porter, placing deto-
 
 TERCY HAMILTON. 23 
 
 nating balls upon the chairs of the company, 
 filling the salt-cellars with white pounded 
 sugar, all of which feats were performed by 
 Mr. Sanders, while we were warming our- 
 selves in the kitchen. But I must get on 
 with my journey. After a drive of nearly 
 twelve hours, we approached the metropolis, 
 then badly and most dimly lighted; and it 
 was not until near seven o'clock that the 
 " Highflyer" coach pulled up at the Golden 
 Cross, Charing Cross, having been thirteen 
 hours in accomplishing a journey of sixty- 
 three miles, and which, in our days, would 
 take a man from London to Liverpool and 
 back, or to Exeter three times in the same 
 number of hours. 
 
 After paying our fares, taking leave of 
 Mr. Sanders, who promised to call some day 
 in Dean's Yard, our luggage was deposited in 
 a hackney-coach, and we Avere driven to the 
 town family-mansion. My uncle was tempo- 
 rarily residing there, but, unfortunately for 
 me, was from home for a day or two, so that 
 instead of finding a welcome from this kind-
 
 24 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 hearted relative, I was shown into a huge 
 cold drawing-room, with a newly lighted 
 fire, where the furniture had on its winter 
 srear, and all looked dull and disconsolate. 
 The housekeeper soon made her appearance 
 — a prim and portly woman; and, instead of 
 allowing me to run into her snuggery, warm 
 myself by the crackling fire, and make my 
 way to the sweet stores, she formally told 
 me that tea would shortly be served, and 
 that at eight o'clock Sir Gregory Bates, the 
 physician to the family, would call in his 
 carriage to take me to Dean's Yard. - 
 
 The tea, with bread and butter cut in 
 fashionable slices, about enough for a spar- 
 row's breakfast, shortly made its appearance ; 
 and then remembering my basket of provi- 
 sions, I selected some of the most tempting, 
 and sat down with an empty stomach and 
 half broken heart to my solitary meal. 
 There is an old French saying that " Vappetit 
 vient en mangeant^' and the truth of it was 
 exemplified upon this occasion, for no sooner 
 had I got fairly into a cold snipe-pie, than I
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 25 
 
 felt as hungry as a half-starved Esquimaux, 
 and was devouring the contents very much 
 after the fashion of a cannibal, when the 
 door opened, and the worthy disciple of 
 Galen made his appearance. Sir Gregory's 
 costume was very unlike the dress of the me- 
 dical men of our dfiy ; for, instead of the 
 Taglioni wrapper, the loose trousers, the 
 "Wellington boot, the black handkerchief, and 
 the unpowdered caput, he appeared in a suit 
 of sables, coat, waistcoat, and " continua- 
 tions " of black cloth, jet knee and shoe 
 buckles, silk stockings, white neckcloth, and 
 shirt frillj powdered head, and a pigtail. 
 With an erect carriage, a dignified look, and 
 a smile upon a somewhat stern-looking coun- 
 tenance, the worthy ^sculapius approached 
 me ; and, after a kind greeting, proceeded 
 to inquire after my health : — 
 
 " A little heated after the journey, I pre- 
 sume? " said he. 
 
 " Heated ! " responded 1, thinking the 
 question applied ex and not eternally, " not 
 the least, sir ! " 
 
 VOL. I. C
 
 26 TERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 He then proceeded to put a variety of ques- 
 tions, as to my usual state of health, and 
 seemed not a little surprised when I replied 
 that I had never had a day's illness, with the 
 exception of an occasional cold, which Tom 
 Prior had always cured by giving me "a 
 walk," after the Newmarket fashion, and a 
 teaspoonful of sweet spirits of nitre in what 
 that respected huntsman called a night-cap 
 — a glass of white wine whey. 
 
 " Rather flushed ! " continued the M.D. ; 
 but fearing a breakfast might be prescribed 
 for me of rather a darker hue than that 
 Avhich I generally took, I quickly replied 
 that I had been sitting over the fire, and had 
 eaten rather fast. 
 
 " Perhaps, then, you are as well without 
 anything," said the baronet. " We will now 
 proceed to Dean's Yard." So, ringing the 
 bell, the carriage was ordered, and in a few 
 minutes I was seated by the side of this most 
 kind-hearted man, who was reading me a 
 lecture on chills, draughts of air — not medi- 
 cine, checked perspirations, sudden transi-
 
 TERCY HAMILTON. 27 
 
 tions of heat and cold, wet feet, and unwhole- 
 some food. It was a raw miserable night, 
 a cold thaw ; the streets were full of melted 
 snow and slush : and, as we drove up in all 
 the pomp and pride of my uncle's town cha- 
 riot, under the melancholy-looking archway 
 that leads to the spot where I was to take 
 up my new abode, my heart died within me. 
 1 had but little time for melancholy reflec- 
 tions, for the carriage shortly pulled up at 
 a large house in Great Dean's Yard ; and no 
 sooner had the thundering rap of a fashion- 
 able London footman announced us, than I 
 heard the unfastening of a chain ; and, upon 
 the door being partially opened, I observed 
 by the dim light of a tallow candle the 
 figures of a dozen or two of boys who had 
 gathered round the Cerberus that guarded 
 it. Upon our names being announced, the 
 urchins whose curiosity had attracted them 
 to the spot, -were driven back, and we de- 
 scended from the carriage. As we crossed 
 the entrance-hall to a room on its right, the 
 murmur of "A new fellow ! " " What a little 
 
 c2
 
 28 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 one ! " and the "Guy of a governor ! " " Did 
 you twig his tail ? " " What a buck ! " was 
 buzzed about, and reached my ears as I passed 
 a phalanx of urchins. 
 
 We were now shown into a well furnished 
 apartment, whicli, by the smallness of the 
 fire, and the manner in which the looking- 
 glass, chairs, and carpet were covered, 
 showed us that this was more a hall of re- 
 ception than a tenanted room. Two wax 
 candles (evidently recently lit) ornamented 
 a huge convex mirror, and scarcely rendered 
 darkness visible. Dick — so the male " man 
 of all work" was called — shortly re-entered 
 the room, introducing that worthy dame 
 Mrs. Packharness, or Mother Pack, as she 
 was always most irreverently called. This 
 lady was tall, prim, and " well got up for com- 
 pany," or a scion of nobility. She appeared 
 in a splendid silk gown, an elaborate head- 
 dress, with some rather fanciful twisted 
 curls ; her manner, however, was extremely 
 kind, and she welcomed me to her house with 
 warmth and affection. " Rather shy, I see;
 
 TERCY HAMILTON. 29 
 
 never mind, my little boy, you'll soon find 
 yourself at home." Home — what magic is 
 in that word ! I hung down my head, and 
 wept. 
 
 "I've a bed for you in No. 4," she re- 
 marked, " where you'll find nine very nice 
 young gentlemen, all about your own size 
 and age." 
 
 Then, turning to Sir Gregory, she begged 
 he would give any orders he might think ne- 
 cessary with regard to the honourable jMaster 
 Hamilton's treatment. The two house- 
 keepers, Mary and Elizabeth, were then 
 summoned. The former was a gaunt and de- 
 termined looking female of eight or nine-and 
 thirty : the latter was fair, fat, and forty, and, 
 after a few observations, in which I heard 
 the words " senna draught," "Epsom salts," 
 the physician approached me to take his 
 leave, and, shaking me cordially by the hand, 
 said, " I have ordered you a glass of port 
 wine, to be taken daily after your dinner. 
 If at any time you feel yourself ill, Mrs. 
 Packharness will kindly send for me." The
 
 30 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 carriage drove off; I was left to myself. The 
 big tears gushed from ray eyes. " It is no 
 dream, and I am desolate," was the spirit of 
 my thought at that moment, although not 
 expressed in such words as I have quoted, 
 and which have since been created by Byron, 
 in one of his most touching and beautiful 
 pictures.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 31 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 " Ye scenes of my childhood, whose loved recollection 
 Embitters the present, compared Avith the past ; 
 
 Where science first dawn'd on the powers of reflection, 
 And friendships were formed too romantic to last !" 
 
 Byron. 
 
 Dr. Dodd, familiarly called "Jemmy" — The Ccena at 
 Mother Pack's— The Young Patrician punished — " Pride 
 must have a Ji'M " — My New Master — A Contrast — Fag- 
 ging at Westminster forty years ago — Slavery in London 
 in the present day — Old Tothill Fields — A Visit to Richard 
 and Miss Ilubbert. 
 
 I was still suffering all the mental anguish 
 attendant upon finding myself alone in a 
 strange house with not a single friend, nor 
 even acquaintance, in it. The door opened, 
 when a servant in plain livery made his 
 appearance. " Doctor Dodd wishes to see 
 you," said the boarding-house man of all 
 work. Wiping away my tears, with heavy 
 heart, I followed my guide ; and, after crossing
 
 32 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 the hall, where still remained some curious 
 urchins, who shook hands, pinched, and 
 tried to extract some of my great-coat but- 
 tons, we entered a small room, Avhich, from 
 the blotches of ink upon the table, and dog's- 
 eared books, showed it was appropriated to 
 study ; and, passing through it, we reached 
 the door of the tutor's room. 
 
 No sooner had the huge fist of my con- 
 ductor given a tolerably loud knock upon 
 the panel, than a rough and rather stentorian 
 voice cried, " Come in." Dick — what this 
 respected and respectable man's patronymic 
 was, neither I nor any other Westminster 
 boy ever knew; suffice it to say, then, that 
 Richard The First (in our estimation at 
 Mrs. Packharness's) opened the door, gently 
 shoved me in, and, closing it after him, I 
 found myself alone with the great Jemmy 
 Dodd, as he was called by the boys, tutor 
 at ray boarding-house and master to the 
 fourth form. In a huge arm chair, sat the 
 Dominie, a small lamp with a giX3en shade 
 throwing its light upon a large unwieldy
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 33 
 
 volume, whose characters were Hebrew to 
 me. 
 
 This worthy and excellent man did not 
 seem to think, at least as far as his own 
 practice went, that the creature -comforts of 
 this world ought to be neglected; a very 
 nice looking roast chicken, some sausages, 
 and mashed potatoes, with a bottle of port 
 wine were about to be spread upon the 
 board ; a huge fire sparkled in the grate, and 
 gave a cheerful air to a room that would 
 otherwise have been gloomy and dark, from 
 the closely-packed book-shelves that sur- 
 rounded it, and which were filled with the 
 choicest classical works. After a few inqui- 
 ries after my parents, and thanks for their 
 remembrance of him in their present of 
 game, the doctor poured out a glass of the 
 genuine old bees-wing port, and, handing it 
 to me, welcomed me to the ancient college. 
 
 " Let me see," said the doctor, " we have 
 a distant cousin of yours in the house, young 
 George Kirkonnel ; he must be a year older 
 than you ; I will send for him, and put you 
 
 b3
 
 34 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 under his charge. Supper will soon be 
 ready, and you have no time to lose." 
 
 Whether this remark was, as the saying 
 is, "one word for me and two for himself," 
 I know not ; but he forthwith rang the bell, 
 and ray hopeful relative was ordered into 
 his presence. " Conscience makes cowards 
 of us all *, " and it did not form an exception 
 in favour of this youth, who, having been 
 out of bounds during the day, was in an 
 awful state of fright that he had been dis- 
 covered, and came into the room trembling, 
 with a most sheepish and guilty-looking 
 countenance. Great, then, were his surprise 
 and delight to find that he was welcomed 
 with kindness, a glass of wine poured out 
 for him, and a request made that he would 
 act as cicerone to me until I got acquainted 
 Avith the other boarders. 
 
 " You may go noAv," said the tutor, 
 and away we ran to join a joyous bevy of 
 boys assembled in the hall, as a long room 
 in which morning and evening prayers were 
 read, and our meals took place, was called.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 35 
 
 It was a long and tolerable sized apart- 
 ment, with a huge fire in the centre, 
 and two windows at the extremity. One 
 large table extended from the top to nearly 
 the bottom, while two smaller ones in paral- 
 lel lines occupied the length of one wall, and 
 half the other between the fire and window. 
 The intermediate space was devoted to 
 cupboards. The ceiling was mosaic'd with 
 wafers of all hues and colours, and alumets, 
 which having undergone the process of 
 sreasino: with tallow, had affixed themselves 
 upon being shot upwards. The forms were 
 notched and cut in every shape. Here a 
 coach and horses had been carved by one 
 hand, there a ship in full sail by another ; 
 a knight in armour stood erect in one part ; 
 while sundry squares, triangles, and circles, 
 showed that the juvenile artist had a taste 
 for mathematics. 
 
 Then for the initials — there was every 
 letter in the alphabet, with the name of the 
 month, the date of the day and year in 
 which the work of art had been executed.
 
 36 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 Sundry holes had been made in the boards 
 of the floor with a red-hot poker, and in 
 these, games of marbles were being carried 
 on. The forms and side-tables, too, were 
 " bored for ink" with apparatus of rather a 
 crude nature ; the stone front and mantel- 
 piece had been worked upon by some self- 
 taught sculptor, carver, carpenter, and 
 painter, as was evinced by the names of 
 boys engraved and painted upon them. 
 Two small holes on each end of the mantel- 
 piece were filled with wax tapers, which 
 had been carried off from the abbey the 
 previous Sunday. 
 
 At that period, gas had not been intro- 
 duced ; and the venerable abbey was lit, if 
 such could be called lighting, lucus d non 
 lucendo, with small wax candles; those that 
 illuminated the desks of the Westminster 
 boys were always considered as perquisites, 
 and were borne off in triumph by some 
 quick-fingered urchin, and made use of when 
 a crowd gathered round the fire place to 
 hear some anecdote told by one of the boys,
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 37 
 
 or some sixpenny romance read aloud to 
 the admiring listeners. It was in the 
 middlfe of a most heart-breaking tale, 
 entitled, "Joanna Le Clair, or the Orphan 
 of Marseilles," just at the moment that the 
 lecturer was pointing out the beauties of 
 the frontispiece, a coloured print of the 
 " heroine in an awful predicament between 
 love and poison," that a cry of "new 
 fellow" was heard, and in a moment the 
 reader stopped at a most thrilling passage, 
 clapped the pamphlet, print and all, into 
 his pocket, and, joining the throng, rushed 
 to the door to meet me. 
 
 Every boy's (like Othello's) occupation 
 was gone. They hustled around me. "What's 
 your name? " " How old are you? " " Where 
 do you live in the country? " " Where's the 
 governor's town house? " " Have you been 
 at a private school?" "Does your fixther 
 keep a carriage?" "Do you know any 
 Westminster fellow at home? " " What did 
 paternity tip? " " Where do you go home for 
 the holidays? " " Who's your tailor? " I
 
 38 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 must here remark, in case any one should 
 feel a curiosity to know how I was clad, that 
 I was dressed in a jacket of French grey, 
 with small silver sugar-loaf beads, a white 
 waistcoat, ornamented with Spanish buttons, 
 and my nether garments were of a lightish 
 coloured blue. Besides these glories, I shone 
 in the lustre of a new pair of dancing 
 pumps, silk stockings, frilled shirt, silk tie, 
 and kid gloves. " What a capital plug he'll 
 make," said one over grown urchin, who, 
 suiting the action to the word, fastened a 
 piece of fine whip-cord to two of the buttons 
 of my best suit. Unluckily for my " body 
 decorator," though fortunately for me, Kir- 
 konnell discerned the mischievous youth, 
 just as he was fastening the end of the whip- 
 cord to the form. To draw his knife, cut the 
 cord, and inflict upon the culprit a slap on 
 the face, called in Westminster phraseology 
 " a buck horse " was the work of a moment. 
 " Shame, a new fellow, such a little one." 
 " Shame !" cried all the rest ; and the bully 
 •who, like all bullies was a coward, skulked
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 39 
 
 away. From that moment Tarleton, such 
 was his name, conceived an inveterate hatred 
 towards me. A hundred other questions were 
 hastily put to me by a dozen urchins, and as 
 promptly answered by myself. My exam- 
 ination in this respect v/ent off infinitely 
 better that that of a young nobleman, who, 
 upon having similar inquiries made of him, 
 responded in a most pompous, aristocratic 
 tone — 
 
 " I am the Marquis of , and my son 
 
 will be Viscount !" 
 
 " A kick for the ^klarquis of , and two 
 
 for Viscount ," was the reply; and the 
 
 youthful patrician received a practical illus- 
 tration of a custom less honoured in the 
 breach than the observance. 
 
 To resume. After replying to every 
 question from my own name down to that 
 of the beauty of my retriever, I was relieved 
 from further importunities by the prepara- 
 tion for supper. The tables were about to 
 be laid, and Dick had just scared away a 
 party of six youths, who were squandering
 
 40 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 away their time and their pence at bonces^ a 
 game not unlike troii madame, or bagatelle. 
 It was played with large marbles that were 
 to be rolled into holes, made in the table by 
 a red hot poker, or through the end of a 
 drawer, pigeon-holed by the above men- 
 tioned process of the hot iron. No sooner 
 had Dick's deep-toned bell pealed a treble 
 bob-major, than the presiding dame of the 
 establishment made her appearance, attended 
 by two maids of honour, the housekeeper 
 and her assistant. A crowd of youths then 
 rushed into the room, and took their places 
 according to their standing in the school. 
 For the upper boys Mrs. Packharness carved 
 a toughish-looking leg of yearling mutton, 
 while the lower ones were regaled with 
 bread and single Gloucester cheese — small 
 beer, or " swipes," as it was called, a discjx'- 
 tion. 
 
 I have already said that a few of the 
 younger boys had assembled in the hall 
 before supper. I was not, however, aware 
 of the plot that had been laid, and which
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 41 
 
 was to produce a hrosure. Some complaints 
 had lately been made of the paucity of 
 edibles, and to punish the dame for this 
 grievance, on the occasion of a hrosure, 
 every boy was to make away with as much 
 as he possibly could, so as to clear the 
 tables; for this purpose, satchels were 
 stealthily filled, and secretly carried up 
 stairs. 
 
 " More mutton," said the worthy Mrs. 
 Pack, " Why, bless me, how hungry the 
 boys are. Betsy, fetch the other leg." 
 
 The other leg was brought, and soon 
 reduced to a mere skeleton. More bread, 
 more cheese, more meat, were called for 
 until at last the board was literally cleared. 
 Then began a murmur of " Shame ! shame !" 
 and hissing and 3'elling; a few of the most 
 audacious commenced rattling the plates 
 and glasses, and sundry breakages were 
 heard, when the embryo riot was put an 
 end to by the appearance of Dr. Dodd, 
 who made a suitable speech, restored order, 
 read the evening prayers, and retired.
 
 42 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 It was then that I was taken up to my 
 dormitory. Number four, where I was to 
 be located, was on the first floor, looking 
 into a small yard behind the house ; the room 
 contained ten turn-up beds, two or three 
 rickety bureaux, half a dozen small cup- 
 boards, a few broken chairs, a maimed 
 table, notched and seared; upon it stood 
 a tin candlestick, holding a tottering "dip," 
 which had evidently been what the veteri- 
 nary surgeons call, "neatly fired." The ceil- 
 ing was ornamented much after the same 
 mosaical manner as the hall already de- 
 scribed, with the addition of certain initials 
 made by the flare of a candle. The flooring 
 of the room was of an unspeakable hue. A 
 diminutive fire emitted more smoke than 
 heat. The small cupboards contained 
 broken pitchers, cracked basins, blacking- 
 bottles, bath-bricks, and brushes. The 
 bureaux were elaborately carved with the 
 names of the last owner and his predecessors. 
 The chairs were sticky with blacking. The 
 table had one end of it devoted to a knife-
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 43 
 
 board; and the number of small perforations 
 ill the other parts, filled with a fluid 
 which had evidently been manufactured 
 by Messrs Day and Martin, shewed that 
 glass inkstands were not in fashion. At 
 the bottom of one of the cupboards, old 
 shoes, boots, skates, frying-pans, gridirons, 
 empty bottles, were all huddled together ; a 
 broken pair of tongs, a half poker, a shovel 
 that had been burned into holes during the 
 process of roasting chestnuts, and a bellows 
 " wot would not blow" completed the fur- 
 niture of this apartment. 
 
 " Why, I declare it's snowing awfully," 
 cried young Kirkonnel ; " we must stuff a 
 hat or something into that smashed pain, or 
 you'll be frozen to death." 
 
 I approached the window, and found the 
 heaviest flakes falling upon the window- 
 ledge, and making their way through the 
 broken window into my bed. As the last 
 comer, I observed I had got the worst place, 
 and furthest from the fire. I was in despair; 
 but my cousin coming to my assistance, we
 
 44 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 stuffed one of the bed curtains into the 
 hiatus ; and then, after a few minutes, the 
 occupants of number four got to their 
 respective cribs. Just as I had entered 
 mine, and had got tolerably warm, I was 
 called upon, as " boots," to put out the 
 candle 
 
 " Will any one tell us a story to-night !" 
 asked one of the boys. 
 
 " Perhaps the new fellow can," Responded 
 another. 
 
 I declared my inability. 
 
 " Well, good night, then," said a few young 
 urchins ; " won't we snowball the skies to- 
 morrow!" 
 
 Snowball the skies! thought I, this is 
 reversing the order of nature ; not knowing 
 at that moment that skies and blackguards 
 were synonymous terms. 
 
 " No snoring!" shouted the bully of the 
 room, " or I'll toe you ;" a process which I 
 saw summarily inflicted upon the sleepy 
 culprit, and which was performed by tying 
 a piece of whipcord round one of the feet
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 45 
 
 fingers, as the French countess translated 
 les doigtsdii pied^ and tugging at it till the 
 nasal noise was ended ; another was tossed 
 up in his bed, in an antipodean attitude, and 
 received a frigid bath, commonly called 
 "cold pig," on his descent. By degrees, each 
 boy fell off into sleep. Exhausted and 
 excited as I was by my day's journey, I was 
 the last to get into a slumber, which was 
 broken by frightful dreams, during which 
 horrors upon horrors seemed to accumulate. 
 At an early hour, the same noisy bell that 
 announced supper upon the previous eve- 
 ning awoke me suddenly; and then such a 
 scene of confusion presented itself that I had 
 never witnessed before. " Who's got my 
 brusft? " "Give me the blacking-bottle." 
 "Where's the tinder-box?" "Who has 
 taken my matches?" "Some fellow has 
 cribbed ray Latin Grammar ! " " Don't burn 
 my impos" — (unde derivater impos, impo- 
 situm^ a certain number of lines to be written 
 out as a punishment). " Dick, bring my 
 shoes !" The fags were rushing out of the
 
 46 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 room to call their masters, to light their fires, 
 a process rather more difficult in those days 
 than at the present time, when, instead of 
 lucifers and patent fire-wood, tinder-boxes, 
 matches, and dampish bits of stick, were the 
 only materials allowed. Before I had finished 
 ray toilet, the bully of the room, Tarleton, 
 to whom I have already alluded, said — 
 
 " Holloa, Percy, just run to the pump, 
 and fill that pitcher, or I shall catch it from 
 my master." 
 
 Ofi^ I ran, shivering, through the snow, 
 now some inches deep, into the yard, and 
 with nearly frozen fingers, brought the brown 
 jug to my employer. 
 
 " That's a good fellow," said Tarleton ; 
 " no fellow shall bully you, I'll stand up for 
 you." 
 
 George Kirkonnel now entered the room, 
 and begged I would go up stairs with him 
 to be introduced to my new master, a boy 
 in the sixth form, to whom, with my cousin 
 as a colleague, I was to be fag. 
 
 " Harry Merston's rather a tyrant," said
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 47 
 
 my guide, " but I will put you up to his ways, 
 and I have no doubt but that we shall get 
 on very well together." 
 
 I thanked him for his hint. 
 
 " He fancies himself," continued my bro- 
 ther " help," "to be cock of the school ; but 
 I think some day big Smith will show him 
 the difference. Merston spars beautifully, 
 but Smith hits harder, and will take more 
 punishment." 
 
 We now ran up the stairs to the second 
 landing, where to my great surprise I found 
 some dozen boys working away like the 
 boots at an inn — cleaning shoes, brushing 
 jackets and trousers, polishing candlesticks, 
 carrying up pitchers of cold water and tea- 
 kettles. George tapped at the door, and we 
 were speedily admitted into the presence of 
 the great autocrat of Mother Pack's. 
 
 " Oh, you're the new fellow," said Mer- 
 ston, eyeing me from head to foot. " Can 
 you iight ? " 
 
 Like a second Norval, I made a modest 
 reply in the affirmative, which so far pleased
 
 48 PEECY HAMILTON. 
 
 my emplo3^er that lie told me he should not 
 want me till the next morning. Then, turning 
 to George, he desired him to clean his skates, 
 to have holes bored for them in the soles of 
 his shooting shoes, to run to cobbler Foot's 
 for an extra strap, to go to Ginger's for some 
 ink, to step to Mascall's for a pair of warm 
 gloves, to prepare his tea as usual, cream 
 from Bowling-street, butter from Princes- 
 street, bread from Tothill-street, sausages 
 from Charles-street, which, being out of 
 bounds, always subjected the messenger to 
 the chance of being found out and flogged. 
 " And don't forget to tell Dick Hubbard to 
 feed ' Vixen,' and to say that I shall want 
 his gun next ' early play.' " 
 
 To look after the terrier and attend my 
 master gunning, were quite in my line ; so I 
 volunteered this service, and was happy to 
 find that the proposition was responded to — 
 " If you're a dab at a snipe, and can look 
 after my dog, you'll be just the fag I want. 
 There, be off! Gary's going in." The 
 announcement that the head master. Dr.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 49 
 
 Gary, the late Bishop of St. Asaph, was 
 crossing Little Dean's Yard to go into school, 
 was made at the foot of the staircase, by a 
 boy with stentorian lungs, who kept up a te- 
 legraphic despatch with another fag, placed 
 under the archway near the Doctor's house. 
 At this signal, away scampered a troop of 
 boys across the yard, now nearly a foot 
 deep in snow, to be in time for prayers. 
 
 Accompanied by Kirkonnel, I entered the 
 room of my tutor, who welcomed me kindly, 
 and, taking me by the hand, led me across the 
 yard to the school. During a brief conver- 
 sation, he gave me many wise and noble pre- 
 cepts; and, if in the strife of passion and the 
 assaults of temptation, I have not always 
 followed them, I owe all that is good and 
 estimable to the counsels and exhortations of 
 that worthy man. The Doctor then pro- 
 ceeded to ask me what had been my stu- 
 dies at home, and how far advanced I was 
 in the different branches of learninof. I 
 stammered out my replies, and by this time 
 we had reached the entrance of the far-famed 
 
 VOL. I. D
 
 50 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 college. Ascending a flight of steps, we en- 
 tered the school-room, which was now 
 crowded — for in the days of which I write 
 there were upwards of five-hundred boys. 
 Leaving me under the care of Longlands, the 
 master of the petty and first forms. Dr. 
 Dodd approached the good-looking and 
 really good-hearted Dr. Gary, and entered 
 into conversation with him. 
 
 I now had time to look about me: the 
 walls of the school were nearly covered with 
 the names of old Westminsters, and those of 
 that day ; forms extended the whole way round 
 the building, with large, old-fashioned chairs 
 placed before them for the tutors. A huge 
 square box occupied the division between 
 the lower and the upper school, and was 
 called the lost box ; in this all the books that 
 were left in the school were deposited. Op- 
 posite this was a table, where sat three or 
 four of the upper boys, whose duty, in 
 addition to their studies, was to draw lots, 
 when, out of a large party sent out to be 
 flogged, a few were to be pardoned. The
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 51 
 
 walls behind the form I sat upon were car- 
 ved into grottoes, and all sorts of quaint 
 shapes and devices, while blotches of ink such 
 as I had previously remarked in the board- 
 ing-house were here upon a large scale along 
 the benches and forms. Indeed, I luckily 
 escaped sitting down in a puddle of the best 
 Japan, by the interference of Mr. Longlands. 
 In a few minutes, I was summoned into the 
 presence of Dr. Gary, who, having put a cer- 
 tain number of questions to me, desired I 
 might be placed in the upper petty, with the 
 assurance that, upon application, I should 
 forthwith be promoted to the under-first. 
 
 But I pass over my school-hours, which 
 would prove as tedious to my readers as they 
 were dull to me, and merely remark that on 
 the first morning there was an incentive given 
 to my exertions, which influenced me not a 
 little. Before we broke up for our half-holi- 
 day, a certain hissing noise was heard 
 throughout the school, which was caused by 
 the entrance of the college porter, carrying 
 a huge quantity of that Betulineous tree, a 
 
 D 2
 
 52 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 native of Britain, called Betula alba, and 
 which furnished the rods for the school ; this 
 noise grew louder and louder, until the birch 
 was safely deposited in a small room behind 
 the shell — so the upper end of the room was 
 called, from its shape. In this sanctum the 
 rods were made, and, as I saw the effect 
 produced by the application of one upon the 
 chapped hands of a young urchin, in what 
 was called a "three-cutter — a hander," I 
 made up ray mind, as far as I could, to do 
 my best not to deserve so humiliating a pun- 
 ishment. 
 
 Merston, it has already been stated, was 
 an awful tyrant, as it soon proved, to my 
 cost; for, being an expert skater, a good 
 fives-player, an excellent cricketer, and a fair 
 shot, his fags had no sinecure offices. When 
 we were not employed as in-door servants-of- 
 all-work, we were obliged to attend him in 
 his amusements — fastening on his skates, 
 lacing his boots, looking out for his lost balls 
 at fives, fagging out at cricket, and carrying 
 his leaping-pole, shot-bag, and powder-flask,
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 53 
 
 when he went out after a traditionary snipe 
 in Tothill-fields. My master's amusement 
 during a half-holiday was to put a team of 
 boys together, and drive them through the 
 yard and passages; fortunately, for him, 
 none of the Society for the Prevention of 
 Cruelty to Animals knew of his proceedings, 
 or he would have been severely dealt with 
 for his unmerciful infliction of the lash. 
 Now and then, by way of varying the scene, 
 I was ordered to "cag a sky," Anglice, 
 " turn a blackguard out of the yard," with 
 the cheering encouragement from Merston, 
 " If you don't lick Am, I'll lick you.'' This 
 process was usually attended with, at least, 
 a black eye, and a flow of the " purple 
 stream" from the olfactory organ. Being 
 himself in the sixth form, he was permitted 
 to have two fags ; and no two galley-slaves 
 ever worked harder. AYe called him at 
 seven, lit his fire (often purchasing fire- wood 
 from our miserable weekly pittance of six- 
 pence), boiled his kettle, cleaned his boots, 
 brushed his clothes, scoured the frying-pan
 
 54 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 and gridiron, which he had used on the 
 previous evening, in cooking his sprats, sau- 
 sages, beef-steaks, mutton-chops, or kidneys, 
 and prepared his breakfast. 
 
 That the system of fagging was carried out 
 to too far an extent at the period referred to, 
 cannot be denied, often to the detriment of 
 the sufferer's health, and continually to the 
 drawback of his learning. It was only a 
 few months ago I happened to read a police 
 account, in which a poor creature was 
 brou"-ht before the mao;istrate for some 
 breach of the law ; the prisoner, a female, 
 pleaded, in mitigation, the harshness and se- 
 verity of her mistress, and handed in a paper 
 which contained a summary of those duties 
 which, as a servant to make herself gene- 
 rally useful, she was expected to discharge 
 for the sum of £9 a year, and the rever- 
 sion of the family teapot, of which the fol 
 lowing is a copy: — 
 
 " GENERAL RULES — DAILY DUTY. 
 
 " To be up at six o'clock, light kitchen
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 55 
 
 fire, kitchen to be swept, light drawing-room 
 fire, grate to be thoroughly cleaned, fire- 
 irons rubbed, drugget and rug to be taken 
 up and shaken, carpet swept, and everything 
 removed and thoroughly dusted ; hot water 
 to be taken up to the bedrooms, breakfast to 
 be laid, knives and forks to be cleaned, 
 breakfast at eight o'clock ; during which 
 time passages, &c., to be cleaned, and bell- 
 handle rubbed ; breakfast things to be washed 
 up, kitchen fire made up, step of the door 
 hearthstoned ; beds to be made, and bedrooms 
 to be swept and dusted, slops emptied ; stairs 
 swept down and staircase dusted, lamp to be 
 trimmed and cleaned, candlesticks cleaned ; 
 dinner to be prepared, to be on table by one 
 o'clock; during dinner, to begin cleaning 
 kitchen, everything to be washed up and put 
 in its place; yourself to be cleaned to take 
 out baby ; tea to be ready by five o'clock ; 
 after tea, slops to be emptied and beds turned 
 down, baby to be washed and put to bed ; 
 supper at nine o'clock; everything to be 
 washed up and put away before going to bed.
 
 56 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 " DUTY ON SPECIAL DAYS IN EACH WEEK. 
 
 " Monday. — Two bedrooms to be swept 
 and scoured, walls and furniture to be well 
 dusted; grates and fire-irons to be cleaned. 
 
 " Tuesday. — All the washing to be done. 
 
 " Wednesday. — Clean one bedroom ; pas- 
 sage and stairs cleaned, scoured, and dusted. 
 
 " Thursday. — Drawing-room to be well 
 swept with tea-leaves; walls dusted; grate 
 and fire-irons well cleaned ; marble and 
 table-covers and outside of windows to be 
 w^ell washed with soap and water, and every- 
 thing to be moved and well dusted ; ironing 
 to be done. 
 
 " Friday. — Tins, coppers, and all kitchen 
 utensils to be cleaned ; drawing-room stairs 
 to be cleaned. 
 
 " Saturday. — Kitchen and back- kitchen 
 to be thoroughly cleaned ; passage to be 
 scoured." 
 
 Now, this sounds like a severe code of 
 duty, and reminds one not a little of the 
 hard task-masters of the Egyptian king of
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 57 
 
 ancient days, or of the more modern Pha- 
 raohs of the cotton mills; and yet it was 
 very much the routine of employment that 
 every Westminster boy was subject to forty 
 years ago. It is true, there was some slight 
 difference, for, instead of earning nine pounds 
 a year, and the prospect of the tea-pot, our 
 wages consisted of more kicks than halfpence, 
 and our reversionary interest never brought 
 us in more than the tea-leaves of the two- 
 and-ninepenny Hyson, the wretched remains 
 of a greasy crumpet, or the tail-end of a half- 
 penny bloater. 
 
 But I have been reclining too long " sub 
 tegmine Fag'i,^^ and must resume my narra- 
 tive. The day for the " early play " arrived, 
 and at about a quarter of an hour after we 
 had entered school, the king's scholar on duty 
 announced the arrival of a most noble mar- 
 quis, noble in every sense of the word, and 
 who, being an old Westminster, made a point 
 of annually begging a holiday, or, as it was 
 called, an early play. Indeed, in some re- 
 spects it had an advantage over the whole 
 
 d3
 
 58 ^ PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 holiday, as during tlie latter the boys that 
 did not go home for the day were obliged to 
 attend the Abbey service. 
 
 No sooner had the Marquis of 
 
 communicated his request to the head of the 
 school — a favour which was instantly granted 
 — than the kind-hearted nobleman, knowing 
 my family, sent, among other boys, for me, 
 and, after asking us after our relatives, 
 gave us each a "tip" of a guinea. On 
 reaching our boarding-house, Kirkonnel 
 and I proceeded to our master's room, 
 to prepare his shooting-tackle and gear. 
 We were then ordered off to the house of 
 the celebrated Dick Hubbert, in Tothill- 
 fields, there to await Merston's arrival. 
 Those fields, the willow-walk, the duck-pond, 
 the halfpenny hatch, are no longer to be 
 traced. On their site the Penitentiary, new 
 squares, crescents, and rows of houses have 
 sprung up. Indeed London has, within the 
 last twenty years, so extended itself east, west, 
 north, and south, that scarcely a vestige of 
 green pasture has been left. How different
 
 PERCY" HAMILTON. 59 
 
 are the environs of this huge brick-and- 
 mortar metropolis to what they were in by- 
 gone days ! And yet, with an increasing po- 
 pulation, there is scarcely a spot left where 
 the pent-up citizen, or hard-toiling me- 
 chanic can enjoy a sniff of pure air. Our 
 ancestors managed these affairs better, for 
 Fitzstephen, who flourished in the reign of 
 Henry the Second, writes as follows : — 
 
 " There are on the north part of London 
 principal fountains of water — sweet, whole- 
 some, and clear, streaming forth among the 
 glistening pebble stones ; in this number, 
 Holy-well, Clerken-well, and St. Clement's- 
 well, are of most note, and frequently above 
 the rest, where scholars and the youth of 
 the city take the air abroad in the summer 
 evenings." 
 
 The same writer informs us that in the 
 afternoon the youth of the city were accus- 
 tomed to go out into the fields with their 
 teachers to play at ball —
 
 GO PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 " — while the ancient and wealthy citi- 
 zens came on horseback, to see these young- 
 sters contending at their sport — " 
 
 He likewise adds — that exercises on horse- 
 back, to qualify them for military pursuits, 
 were used every Friday afternoon during 
 Lent, and that the citizens took delight in 
 dogs and birds, such as sparrow-hawks and 
 gos-hawks, and everything connected with 
 the sports of the field. 
 
 Stow, speaking of the fields in the neigh- 
 bourhood of London, describes them as — 
 
 " — commodious for the citizens therein 
 to walke, shoote, and otherwise to recreate 
 and refresh their dulled spirits, in the sweet 
 and wholesome ayre." 
 
 He also mentions that it was customary, in 
 olden times — 
 
 *' — for the sherifi's, the porters of the 
 king's bcame or weigh-house, and other of
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 61 
 
 the citie, to be challengers of all men in the 
 suburbs, to wrestle, shoot the standard and 
 broad arrow." 
 
 As late as the reign of Charles the First 
 we find how little London had extended 
 eastward, for on the 24th of July, 1629, 
 that ill-fated monarch having hunted a stag, 
 or hart, from Wanstead, in Essex, killed him 
 in Nightingale-lane, in the hamlet of Wap- 
 ping, in a garden belonging to a most re- 
 spectable citizen, who had some damage 
 among his herbs, by reason of the multitude 
 there assembled together. 
 
 With regard to the locale I am about to 
 describe, Haitian d mentions Tothill-fields as 
 follows : — 
 
 " In which fields was a fort, upon the 
 line of communication drawn round the 
 City of London and suburbs, by order of 
 Parliament, in the year 1643. In this 
 work a lazaretto was erected in the year 
 1665, for the reception of poor objects op-
 
 62 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 pressed with the plague, which place was 
 denominated the Seven Houses." 
 
 In ray day, the fields extended from Mil- 
 bank Row, Westminster, to the site formerly 
 occupied by Ranelagh Gardens, and covered 
 the ground now occupied, as I have ob- 
 served, by the Penitentiar}'', the approaches 
 to Yauxhall Bridge, and the numerous 
 streets branching from that road. 
 
 In the willow- walk and its precincts lived 
 two celebrated characters, Richard Hub- 
 bert and AVilliam Habberfield, the latter 
 hero better known by the name of Slender 
 Billy. The redoubtable Richard was like 
 his royal namesake, " of courage leonine ; " 
 and, if his crusades against the hen-roosts, 
 duck-ponds, and dog-kennels of the neigh- 
 bourhood were not quite so praiseworthy as 
 those against Saladin's army in Palestine, 
 Dick's worst enemy could not have withheld 
 the homage due to his undaunted bravery. 
 
 Miss Hubbert, " sole daughter of his 
 house and heart," resided with her father,
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 63 
 
 and made herself extremely useful in look- 
 ing after the badgers, feeding the ducks, 
 which her respected parent kept for the 
 Westminster boys to shoot, at a shilling per 
 shot, the game (if killed) to go to the sports- 
 man. The young lady also made up the 
 cartridges, looked after the pigeons, fed the 
 rabbits, and superintended the aviaries of 
 canaries, bullfinches, thrushes, linnets, and 
 larks. It was whispered that the fair hands 
 of this accomplished spinster occasionally 
 transmogrified London sparrows into piping 
 bullfinches, the process being performed by 
 a few coats of coloured paint, laid pretty 
 thick upon their smoke-coloured feathers. 
 Suffice it to say, that upon one occasion a 
 very green young gentleman from the 
 country purchased, as he thought, " a war- 
 bler of the grove," which, upon being ex- 
 posed to the rain, completely changed his 
 hues. Upon Hubbert being appealed to, he 
 remarked that " them there birds inwariably 
 moulted their feathers at a partiklar time, 
 and that if the young gemman would only
 
 64 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 keep the bird another year, it would be all 
 right." By some accident, the cage-door 
 was shortly afterwards found open, and it 
 was shrewdly suspected that Dick had 
 allowed the inmate to escape, to save his 
 daughter from disgrace. 
 
 Hubbert's residence was very much after 
 the fashion of an Indian wigwam in North 
 America ; it consisted of his own " crib," 
 containing two bed-chambers, a sitting- 
 room, and a " fencing " office — for Dick, be 
 it spoken to his shame, was a receiver of 
 stolen goods. The yard was filled with 
 small huts and kennels, from the apertures 
 of which might be seen the rough head of a 
 badger, the savage frontispiece of a bull- 
 dog, the sleek ears of a pointer, the curly 
 pate of a Scotch terrier, or the savage muz- 
 zle of a one-eyed mastiff. Then there were 
 pigeon-traps, rabbit-hutches, a kennel for 
 what the Astley's playbills described as a 
 " real fox," and who occasionally made his 
 appearance upon those boards. Then came 
 the poultry -yard, the duck-pond, and a
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 65 
 
 target for pistol, rifle, and fowling-piece 
 practice. Upon reaching this truly sport- 
 ing residence. Miss Ilubbert made her ap- 
 pearance, and finding that we " were all on 
 the square," as she termed it, we were 
 ushered into the presence of the nmger par 
 excellence of Tothill-fields.
 
 66 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 " Delightful task 
 
 To teach the young idea to shoots 
 
 Thomson. 
 
 A Day with the Ducks in Tothill-fields— Introduced to a 
 great Character, " Tegus," the pet of the Light-fingered 
 Gentry — some Account of " Slender BUly " — His Mena- 
 gerie—Life and Death of this Hero— Mrs. Habberfield— 
 " Like Niobe, all tears," marries the Bow-street Eunner 
 — " The funeral baked meats did coldly furnish forth the 
 marriage tables" — Shrove Tuesday at Westminster — 
 Pancake Day— Visit to Billy's "Ken," or "fencing" 
 Establishment — Narrow Escape— One of the Gang threat- 
 ens to peach, and meets with an ignominious end. 
 
 As Kirkonnel and myself entered the snug- 
 gery, we found Dick Ilubbert the occupier 
 of it, comfortably ensconced in an arm-chair 
 by the fireside, with a jug of hot elder-flower 
 wine before him. He rose to meet us, and
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 67 
 
 after assuring us that Mr. Merston would 
 have a capital day with the snipes, he begged 
 his daughter would fill our glasses, which 
 the fair Hebe proceeded to do with the great- 
 est grace. 
 
 *' Here's success to the old school!" said 
 Dick ; " for though the big wigs now and then 
 kick up a shindy with me, they a'nt a bad 
 lot, blow me if they are ! " 
 
 The toast was drank with the usual ho- 
 nours, when a knock at the door announced 
 the arrival of a visitor. 
 
 " It's only Mr. Merston," said Miss Hub- 
 bert, smiling, and colouring up a Httle (or 
 " smoking," as we were wont to call it) ; 
 for Harry Merston's fine figure and good 
 looks had caused a palpitation in the beauty 
 of Tothill'fields. 
 
 " Here's Tearbaclc^' said Richard, handing 
 a single barrelled gun to his guest ; " and 
 perhaps the young-un " (alluding to me) 
 " would like to handle Scratcher for an hour ? 
 He talks like a book about shooting." 
 
 I must here remark that Hubbert always
 
 68 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 named his fowling-pieces with titles of de- 
 struction, which were as well known to the 
 young AVestminsters as were the names of 
 Robert's half- deckers on the river. 
 
 Merston, who happened to be in high good 
 humour, seemed delighted at the idea of 
 having an extra gun for his two fags ; so it 
 was speedily arranged, and, having deposited a 
 seven-shilling piece in the hands of the mas- 
 ter-general of the ordnance as security for 
 payment, "no tick" being Dick's motto, we 
 proceeded to the shooting-ground. A sketch 
 of our costume may not be out of place ; we 
 had one shooting jacket with huge pockets, 
 the shot loose in them, an old tobacco-bowl 
 as a charger, an ink-bottle as powder-flask, 
 and a satchel turned inside out, to hide the 
 red leather, for a game bag. Each of us had 
 the gun for a quarter of an hour, at the ex- 
 piration of which, we changed dresses, so 
 that the shooter might look like a sportsman, 
 while the other, armed with a leaping-pole, 
 marked and acted as beater. After an 
 hour's walk, during which the snipe would
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 69 
 
 not make his appearance, we returned to 
 the duck-pond, where we contracted for five 
 shots a-piece at elevenpence per shot, the 
 killed to go to the shooter. 
 
 " Upon their own merits modest men are 
 dumb : " so sa}- s that celebrated pedagogue, 
 Doctor Pangloss ; and willingly would T fol- 
 low his erudite example ; but, as my day's 
 prowess produced so great an effect upon my 
 future comfort at Westminster, I mustreveal 
 it. After Merston had fired his five rounds 
 of ammunition, under which discharge one 
 duck was killed and two only wounded, I 
 was called upon to take my turn, and having 
 watched the " artful dodges " of these " di- 
 vers," I waited my opportunity, and no 
 sooner had they got their heads above water 
 than I poured in m}' shower of No. 5 shot, 
 and was fortunate enough to bag four out 
 of the number. 
 
 " Bravo, Percy ! " said my master; " you 
 shall be my keeper, and look entirely after 
 Vixen and my shooting-tackle, and next 
 half I'll take you to the Red House to have
 
 70 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 a crack at the blue rocks. I never saw a 
 better shot." 
 
 "Approbation" from an upper-form boy 
 was, as the man says in the play, " praise 
 indeed ; " and from that day my life as a 
 fag, during Merston's stay at Westminster, 
 was free from oppression and tyranny. 
 
 " There, take your own ducks," said 
 Harry, " and I shall not want either of you 
 on Saturday, so you may have a good ' tuck 
 OLit,' if you like." 
 
 My passion for sporting was so strong, 
 that, having once been initiated into it by 
 my day's battue in the duck-pond, I took 
 advantage of every opportunity of re-visiting 
 Hubbert's residence, and here I got ac- 
 quainted with Ian individual, who, in those 
 days, was as well known in the purlieus of 
 Westminster as the far-famed Dick himself. 
 Jacob Thorn, or Old Tegus, the' Pet of the 
 Light-fingered Gentry, as he was commonly 
 called, was a protege of the swell blades of 
 Tothill-fields, Messrs. Hubbert and Habber- 
 ficld. Tegus could turn his hand to any-
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 71 
 
 thing; he was a first-rate second in the 
 pugilistic ring, an out-and-out cock-fighter 
 and feeder, an undeniable chaunter, a great 
 pigeon-fancier, bull and badger-baiter, and 
 dog-fighter — in short, he was the very 
 Crichton of the sports of Tothill-fields and 
 Duck-lane. 
 
 Tegus was a man of very tall stature, 
 with an enormous length of back ; hence his 
 original sobriquet^ Cratoegus Macracantha, 
 or the long-spined Thorn^ which some erudite 
 young horticulturist at Westminster had 
 nicknamed him. This high-sounding appel- 
 lation soon dwindled down to Tegus, and 
 by no other title was this redoubtable cha- 
 racter known in the city or liberty of West- 
 minster. From the first moment I went to 
 Dean's Yard, my great ambition had been 
 to be introduced to that great hero of his 
 day, William Habberfield. No sooner had 
 I struck up an acquaintance with Tegus than 
 the affair was arranged; but, before I enter 
 into any particulars of my visit to Slender 
 Billy, I must give my readers a slight insight 
 into his character.
 
 72 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 For years, Habberfield had been known on 
 the town, from the figure he made in the 
 gymnastic circles, and also as being the 
 patron of all the badger-baitings, dog-fights, 
 btdl-baits, and cock-fightings in the precincts 
 of Westminster. Billy's cabin* in the centre 
 of the Willow-walk, Tothill-fields, was a 
 menagerie for animals of every description, 
 and also a convenient fencing \ repository, 
 from the lady's tyheX to the nobleman's 
 wedge.% There might be seen a King 
 Charles's spaniel, ready to be returned when- 
 ever the reward offered was raised to ten 
 guineas; there might be found an over-fed, 
 bloated pug, for whose loss her disconsolat'fe 
 mistress had nearly cried her eyes out, and 
 who was prepared to pledge a diamond ring 
 to recover back her lost pet, and which ar- 
 ranirement was in due time brought about 
 by one of Billy's emissaries. Independently 
 of the above, there were monkeys, pointers, 
 
 * Residence. 
 
 t Place where stolen goods are concealed. 
 
 X Lap-dog. § Plate.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 73 
 
 terriers, inastifFs, bull-dogs, Italian grey- 
 hounds, all of which had strayed into Hab- 
 ber field's yard. 
 
 In the fencing department there were 
 watches, plate, rings, brooches, snuff-boxes, 
 pocket handkerchiefs, muffs, shawls, knee- 
 buckles, opera glasses, gold-headed canes, 
 and brilliants. Habberfield, from the figure 
 he cut in the ring and the cock-pit, was 
 patronized by all the sporting men about 
 town, more especially by the Westminster 
 boys; but Billy's great connection was with 
 the housebreakers, robbers, pickpockets, and 
 Jonathan Wilds of his day. lie bore the 
 reputation of being a man of the strictest 
 integrity in all his transactions, carrying 
 out the principle of " honour among thieves " 
 to the greatest possible extent. He was 
 considered the safest fence* about town, as 
 his dwelling was well suited for concealment, 
 and garrisoned by bears and bull-dogs, so 
 as to render it almost impregnable to sudden 
 attacks made upon it by the " Charleys" and 
 
 * Receiver of stolen goods. 
 VOL. I. D
 
 74 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 " runners " of forty years ago. Billy was 
 a tolerably good workman, and was up to 
 anything, from cutting luggage off travelling 
 carriages to breaking into houses ; moreover, 
 he was as close as wax. He dealt largely in 
 horses and dogs, and, whenever he could not 
 procure any animal he fancied by fair means, 
 he resorted to foul, telling the owners that, 
 if they refused to take a reasonable sum, he 
 would have them for nothins". 
 
 " Look ye here," said Billy, one day, to a 
 refractory customer; "there's a ten-pun 
 note for Dustman." 
 
 The man demurred. 
 
 " Well, then, look out," responded Hab- 
 berfield : " my principle is, first I tries 
 ciwility, then I tries sewerity." 
 
 And Billv was as o-ood as his word : in 
 four-and-twenty hours, this celebrated dog, 
 a breed between the bull and the terrier, 
 was in his possession. So great was his 
 proficiency in dog-stealing, that we doubt 
 very much, had he lived in our days, 
 whether the bill, now the law of the land,
 
 PERCY IIA5IILT0N. 75 
 
 got up by the Bishop of Bond- street, would 
 not have been treated by him as a dead 
 letter. Nay, we even go far enough to 
 think that poor Tiny, Bishop's pet spaniel, 
 would have been among the fashionable 
 changes from New Bond- street to theAVillow- 
 walk, Tothill-fields. 
 
 Habberfield was also a knacker^* and, 
 being a very kind-hearted man, often 
 boasted that he had stolen many a broken- 
 down horse more out of humanity than 
 for lucre. For years, he had been a marked 
 man, but, like his Highland prototype, 
 Donald Caird, he had always managed to 
 "cheat the wuddie;" and it was not till he 
 dabbled in Foreign politics, by assisting at 
 the release of some French prisoners, that he, 
 through hisp«/| \y\\o iJeached^X found himself 
 sentenced to twenty-four months in Newgate. 
 Here Billy's fortunate genius seems to have 
 deserted him, for a y^/czTi^ was shortly put 
 upon him, when he "fell like a woodcock into 
 
 * A person to whom horses are taken to be killed, who 
 too old or broken down to work, 
 f A friend. J To betray. 
 
 E 2
 
 76 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 the springe." A stranger introduced him- 
 self to the prisoner, and, after some little 
 circumlocution, in which he talked loudly 
 of his own honour and integrity and Billy's 
 merits, came to the point of offering to buy 
 some forged notes. The hero of Duck-lane 
 and the Willow-walk could not, as he said, 
 "afford to be mousy,"* so he concluded 
 the bargain, and pointed out where the 
 "flimsies" might be found. f 
 
 Xo sooner had this been done than a 
 warrant was issued to detain him upon this 
 additional charge, and, after a trial at the 
 Old Bailey, he was sentenced to be executed. 
 Thus was the adage of " give a dog a bad 
 name and hang him" most literally carried 
 out. Every exertion was made for a com- 
 mutation of the culprit's sentence; but his 
 dealings in forged notes had been for a 
 length of time so notorious, that such mercy 
 was denied him. Billy was an early bird, 
 and of so active a temperament, that he 
 only allowed six hours for sleep ; the other 
 
 * Idle. t Bank notes.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 77 
 
 eighteen were devoted to business. So 
 strictly correct was he in all his dealings, 
 that he had amassed a large sum of money, 
 the greater part of which, being out in 
 trust, went to his widow. Habberfield 
 suffered the awful sentence of the law on 
 the 29th of Januar}^, 1812, opposite the 
 debtor's door at Newgate. 
 
 Poor Mrs. Habberfield mourned the loss 
 of her husband with tears and hysterics, but 
 
 " Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears, - 
 Had left the flushing in her galled eyes, 
 She married ; " 
 
 the happy bridegroom being the identical 
 liow-street runner, who, transported by her 
 charms, had captured her dear departed Billy. 
 Among other delinquencies, Slender Billy 
 was strongly suspected of having been the 
 fence when the plate from the cathedral of 
 St. Paul's was stolen; he was also looked 
 upon as being an extensive spirit-distiller, 
 without the sanction of the Board of Excise ; 
 
 * Receiver of stolen goods.
 
 78 PEECr HAMILTON. 
 
 and, as for " prigging," he often boasted that 
 he had not an article of furniture, linen, 
 plate, or wearing apparel, that had not been 
 purloined by his ever-active hands. A bril- 
 liant trait, however, in his favour remains to 
 be recorded : he never " split" upon an ac- 
 complice. Upon one occasion, when a large 
 reward was offered for the apprehension of 
 a pal^ application was made to Habberfield, 
 who made the following reply — 
 
 " I know my days are numbered : my grey 
 hairs tell me I have approached the winter 
 of my existence ; but, if every hair was a life, 
 I would not peach to save them." 
 
 Of Slender Billy, then, might it be said, 
 in the words of Byron, slightly altered — 
 
 " For him tliT:y raise not the recording stone — 
 His death not dubious deeds, too widely known ; 
 He left a cracksman s name to other times, 
 Link'd with one virtue and a thousand crimes." 
 
 It had been agreed, that upon the 
 next " early play," " Tegus " should accom- 
 pany George Kirkonnel, Fred Hare wood, 
 l*at Mahony, and myself, now all sworn 
 friends, to the Willow-walk, to be presented
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 79 
 
 to the celebrated Slender Billy. Shrove 
 Tuesday shortly arrived, and upon this day 
 I for the first time witnessed the cereinony 
 of throwing a huge pancake over the iron 
 bar that crossed from one side of the school 
 to the other. What the origin of this custom 
 was, I know not; suffice it to say, thcit the 
 college cook, dressed out in his proper costume, 
 made his appearance shortly after we went 
 into the study, with an immense frying-pan 
 in his hand, in which was deposited a rather 
 thickish specimen of the entre-met that graces 
 our tables upon the eve of Lent, and having 
 marched pompously up to the middle of the 
 school, and taken his proper distance, the /Soz/er 
 of Little Dean's Yard proceeded to toss the 
 pan- cake over the afore-mentioned iron bar. 
 No sooner had this been accomplished, than 
 the younger boys rushed forward to scramble 
 for the delectable dainty, but which, upon 
 being applied to the lips was found to be 
 too coarse and indigestible for even a West- 
 minster scholar's stomach. 
 
 The " early play " then began, and we were 
 free for the rest of the day ; Merston having
 
 80 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 also given us a holiday, we assembled at the 
 pastry cook's in Tothill street, where, having 
 devoured eight jellies, four Bath buns, and 
 some half-dozen oranges, we were joined by 
 " Tegus," who, instead of addressing us, 
 merely asked at the counter for change for a 
 crown-piece ; then, giving us a knowing 
 wink, strutted into Great Smith-street, where 
 we soon after^^•ards followed him. It was 
 an unfortunate day for a visit to the atten- 
 uated hero of Tothill fields, for a warrant 
 was out for his apprehension, it being 
 strongly suspected that Habberfield had 
 in his possession the pocket-book of a 
 clergyman who had been robbed, and who, 
 upon resistance, was most shamefully ill- 
 treated and thrown into a well. All 
 Westminster was in an uproar. A small 
 coterie had assembled round the door of a 
 public-house in the Horseferry-road. 
 
 "What an m^dacious thing!" said a 
 costermonger, " to rob a clergyman of his 
 reader ! "* 
 
 * Pocket Book.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 81 
 
 " And then to throw him into a well ! " 
 responded a black-eyed nymph, who had 
 evidently not been indebted to Nature for the 
 colour of her optics. " 'Orrible ! " 
 
 "Why, what's that you say?" said a 
 knowing-looking cove in a velveteen coat 
 and corduroy unmentionables, and whom 
 we soon discovered to be the commissary of 
 the then thriving pugilistic ring, Mr. Wil- 
 liam Gibbons. " Throw'd him in?" con- 
 tinued Bill. " No sitch thing : old men, 
 when they gets lushy, walks inM;ariably 
 into wells: it was all a haccident. But, 
 Tegus, what game are you up to with these 
 young gentlemen? " 
 
 Our guide gave Mr. Gibbons " the office," 
 as he called it, and, as the Westminster 
 boys were special friends of the commissary, 
 he told us that it was all right, and pro- 
 ceeded to accompany us to the Willow- walk. 
 Habberfield House was, as the auctioneers 
 say, "pleasingly situate between two 
 streams" — rather green and stagnant, we 
 must admit — being no other than two deep 
 
 E 3
 
 82 PERCY HAMILT05T. 
 
 banked bogs, filled with the rankest weeds 
 and most filthy water. These fosses fortified 
 the garrison from any flank attack, while 
 the rear was impregnable from the wall of 
 the house and yard; the front being the 
 only vulnerable point, was well protected, 
 the garrison consisting of Mrs. Habberfield, 
 ■with an axe in her brawny hand, ready to 
 cut down any intruder, while a bear and 
 two bull-dogs patrolled in advance, read}"- 
 to come to close quarters, or attack the 
 enemy. Within the fort, Billy had loop- 
 holed the sides of the entrance, and, with a 
 carbine and blunderbuss, lay hid, ready to 
 sell his life dearly. 
 
 " What a brave and undaunted spirit ! " 
 we exclaimed, as we saw this woman, hke 
 a second Helen M'Gregor, ready to sacrifice 
 her life to save that of her husband. 
 
 " Brave ! " responded Mr. Gibbons. 
 " Why, she knows werry well if she refused, 
 she'd soon have her head chopped off wdth 
 the hidentical axe she now flourishes about 
 her."
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 83 
 
 A whistle from Tegus, accompanied by 
 tAvo taps at the outward gate, were an- 
 swered by Mrs. Habberfield, Avho, coming 
 to a small iron grating in it, exchanged 
 some words with my companions, the pur- 
 port of Avhich I did not understand, but 
 which produced as much effect as the 
 " Open sesame ! " of the celebrated nursery- 
 tale, for in a moment the barricade was re- 
 moved, and we entered the outward court 
 of Slender Billy's domicile. 
 
 " Be quiet, Venom ! " said the lady to a 
 young mastiff, who seemed to take a fancy 
 to my leg. " DoTvai, Fang ! " continued 
 the Amazon, "Please walk round, Mr. 
 Gibbons, to the back door, and you'll find 
 my poor husband awfully distressed at 
 the reports that have been circulated about 
 him." 
 
 We followed the instructions thus given 
 us, and, passing through as savage a lot of 
 the canine species as ever I beheld, reached 
 the back door. There the whistle and taps 
 were repeated, and the same magical effect
 
 84 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 being produced, we entered, and, groping 
 our "way through a dark passage, came to 
 the double doors that divided Habberfield's 
 sanctum from the rest of the building. The 
 parole having been given, the clanking of a 
 chain was heard, and two solid iron bars 
 being removed, no obstacle presented itself 
 to our entrance. BiHy now rose to 
 welcome us, and, while he was conversing 
 with his namesake. Bill Gibbons, I had an 
 opportunity of inspecting the premises. 
 The room was about ten feet square, and 
 with no article of furniture in it except a 
 table, two chairs, a coal-scuttle, poker, and 
 a deal chest. Cupboards extended up one 
 side of the apartment, while the other three 
 contained open shelves ; these were all filled 
 with wearing-apparel of every descrij^tion, 
 and the doors of one of the cupboards being 
 partially opened, exhibited a richer treasure 
 within in the shape of plate and jewel-boxes. 
 The table was strewed with spoons, forks, 
 watches, and, snuff-boxes ; Avhile a crucible 
 on the hob of the small grate showed that
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 85 
 
 Habberfield was anxious to relieve the owner 
 of sundry pieces of plate from the tax upon 
 armorial bearings. The whole appearance 
 of the apartment gave one the idea of the 
 emporium of that universally known, 
 althougli not so highly-respected, relative, 
 " my uncle Balls." 
 
 As soon as the conference between Mes- 
 sieurs Habberfield and Gibbons was con- 
 cluded, the former approached, and offered 
 us some refreshment : this we declined. He 
 then presented us with some cards of admis- 
 sion to a celebrated sparring exhibition that 
 was about to take place at the rooms of that 
 great professor of the art, the late John 
 Jackson, Esq. Before we had time to ac- 
 knowledge our thanks, a shrill whistle was 
 heard from the direction in which we had 
 left Mrs. Habberfield. 
 
 " The scouts are on the look-out ! " ex- 
 claimed Mr. Gibbons, while his companion 
 and Tegus immediately barred the entrance, 
 and, removing a panel of one of the cup- 
 boards, made their way through it into the
 
 86 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 adjoining room, that formed the front en- 
 trance, and which we have already described 
 as having been loopholed. 
 
 " It's only old Vaughan," said Mrs. Hab- 
 berfield, in a low tone of voice, mentioning the 
 name of a rather superannuated member of 
 the police force — if such a term can be ap- 
 plied to the impotent body who, in those 
 days, resembled very much Dogberry's 
 watch at Messina, so admirably satirized by 
 the immortal bard of Avon. " He's got Jim 
 Larkins with him," continued the female 
 sentry; " but Fang and I could queer two 
 such flats in a jiffey." 
 
 Anxious, like all Westminster boys, to be 
 in the midst of the fray, we followed the 
 hero of our adventure, and were gazing 
 through one of the loopholes, when Slender 
 Billy turned round to Gibbons, and, in atone 
 that showed he was accustomed to command, 
 addressed him as follows : — 
 
 " Bill, you must see the young gentlemen 
 home to Dean's-yard ; keep their visit dark; 
 then be off to the Rookery, find out whether
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 87 
 
 The Slasher has been at the ken* since the 
 high toby spice f near the powder-mills. 
 Warn him, or Barney, that Scotland-yard 
 Sal is likely to turn snitch for the forty.J 
 Jim Larkins has got round her, and put the 
 beaks § on the scent. If necessary, be down 
 upon her for the robbery at Stepney fair. 
 I'll meet you at the Horse Shoe at eleven." 
 
 " Right as the mail," responded the com- 
 missary of the prize-ring; " I'm fly.|| Now, 
 young gentlemen, follow me; mum's the 
 word." 
 
 We proceeded back through the aperture 
 into the room we had first been introduced 
 into, when Bill, instead of unbarring the 
 door, as we, in the innocence of our hearts, 
 thought he would have done, removed a few 
 planks in the flooring, under the deal chest, 
 which he had moved aside, and, leading the 
 way, descended through the trap-door into a 
 cellar. After groping about for a few seconds, 
 
 * A house that harbours thieves. 
 
 f Robbery on horseback. 
 
 J Peach for the reward of forty guineas. 
 
 § Magistrates. 
 
 II I perfectly imderstand.
 
 88 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 our guide opened a small window-shutter, 
 which admitted sufficient light to show us a 
 well-barricaded door; the bars were forth- 
 with removed, and Bill, hastening us on, we 
 found ourselves on terra firraa in a dry ditch 
 close to the back wall of the building. A 
 noise of a heavy bolt from within, and an 
 " All right ! " from a voice we recognised to 
 be that of Tegus, told us that Habberfield's 
 subterraneous entrance was safe from intru- 
 ders. It may easily be supposed that we 
 were not a little delighted to find ourselves 
 in the open fields again, and, passing through 
 the "halfpenny hatch" — since immortalized 
 by the authors of" The Rejected Addresses," 
 in that admirable parody on the "small-beer 
 poet's" lyrical effusions — 
 
 " Thy liatch, Halfpenny ! passed in a trice, 
 Boiled some black pitcL, and burnt down Astley's twice. 
 
 we reached Milbank, and shortly found 
 ourselves with a bevy of young friends 
 around us, listening to our adventures of 
 the morning in Tothill-fields.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 89 
 
 Bill Gibbons had taken leave of us rather 
 abruptly at the first hackney-coach stand, 
 and, entering one of those rickety vehicles, 
 had ordered the jarvey to set him down at 
 the end of Oxford-road. The result of his 
 embassy to the Rookery we shrewdly guessed 
 to have been successful, as we read in the 
 evening newspaper of the next day the 
 following report : — 
 
 "Bow-Street. — This morning, Sarah Lin- 
 ney, alias Scotland-yard Sal, was brought to 
 this office on a charge of stabbing and rob- 
 bing a gentleman of his watch at Stepney 
 fair. The property was found to have been 
 pledged by the prisoner at the shop of Mr. 
 Barney Isaacs, High Holborn. The unfortu- 
 nate female was fully conunitted to Newgate 
 for trial." 
 
 The sequel was shortly afterwards known 
 to us, for within a few weeks we purchased 
 by chance the " last dying speech and con- 
 fessions" of three wretched criminals, who, 
 in the then bloody state of the law, had
 
 90 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 expiated their offences before the debtors' 
 door at Newgate, and amono; the names of 
 the culprits we found that of Sarah Linney, 
 who, born of most vicious parents, had been 
 brought up in ever}' species of vice and pro- 
 fligacy. At an early age, she had connected 
 herself with a highwayman of some note, 
 called The Slasher, and, having been tam- 
 pered with by an emissary of the Bow-street 
 authorities, she consented to peach. Upon 
 this getting wind, information was immedi- 
 ately laid against her, and the ill-fated woman 
 was tried, found guilty, and executed. 
 
 Although years have passed over my head 
 since the event I have recorded, during 
 which I have led the most active life, and 
 have witnessed scenes of war and desolation 
 abroad — of pestilence, famine, trouble, and 
 turmoil at home — never can I forget the 
 impression created upon my mind at my 
 visit to William Habberfield, or the painful 
 reminiscences that were afterwards caused 
 by the dreadful and ignominious death of the 
 principal actor in that scene, and that of 
 one of his victims.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 91 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 " Prime of life to go it, boys, whei'e's a place like London? 
 Foui'-in-hand to-day, the next day you may be undone ; 
 Where beaux as well as belles 'to fake the whip hand 
 
 strive, 
 And Mrs. Snip, the tailor's wife, will teach her spouse 
 
 to drive." Old Song. 
 
 " Peers mount the box." 
 
 The Four-in-hand Club — A Westminster Tandem — A Day 
 on the road — The Mails — An unexpected Visit — Pros- 
 pect of my first Play — A practical Jest — The "silent 
 Highway" as it was — The noisy River as it is. 
 
 At this period, " driving " was much in 
 vogue, and the Whip Ckib were flourishing 
 under their leader, ]\Ir. Charles Buxton. 
 As a matter of course, we Westminster 
 youths were not behind the fashion ; and,
 
 92 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 upon all half, or whole holidays, every 
 bufXiTY, ""i":, or do2:-cart that could be hired, 
 was put in requisition ; nay, often, fau*e de 
 mieux, a donkey-chaise, in Tothill-fields, fur- 
 nished us an afternoon's drive. We were 
 loud in our praises of charioteering, quoting 
 its antiquity by referring to Honic-i*. ^^irgil, 
 and Horace, all of whom sang the praises 
 and commemorated the honours of the 
 " whips " of their day. Juvenal, too, the 
 original " Satirist," tells us of a Roman 
 Consul who aspired to be a " dragsman :" 
 
 " volucri 
 
 Carpento rapitur pinguis Damasippus ; et ipse 
 Ipse rotam stringet multo sufflamine Consul." 
 
 Upon one fine day in April, during the 
 Easter holidays, my friend Kirkonnel, two 
 otlier boys of the fifth form, and my- 
 self, having for some weeks clubbed all our 
 money together for the purpose of having a 
 drive to Cranford Bridge and back, started 
 at an early hour from Queen Square, West- 
 minster, in two tandems. Our horses were
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 93 
 
 u sorry match. One dog-cart was horsed 
 by a blind chestnut gelding at wheel, and a 
 spiry-looking grey mare as leader ; while, 
 in the tilbury I drove, I found a roarer in 
 the shafts, and a kicker at the end of a 
 fathom of long traces. " Only their way 
 at starting," said the ostler ; a little frolic- 
 some, or so, at first." 
 
 Away we went, amidst the jeers of some 
 butchers' boys, costermongers, knackers, and 
 fish-women, who, seeing the equij)ages driven 
 down Tothill-street, were attracted to the 
 spot from whence we took our departure. 
 I will not pause to describe the hair-breadth 
 escapes we were subject to in our drive 
 through Pimlico, nor mention the number of 
 fruit-stalls our leaders would poke their noses 
 into, nor allude to the sundry barrows of 
 doofs' meat, gino-erbread nuts, and orano;es 
 that were capsized between Queen Square 
 and Hammersmith turnpike. There, how- 
 ever, we arrived in due time, and were 
 about to pay the toll, Avhen the keeper of the 
 gate said, " Look alive, young gentlemen,
 
 94 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 the Whip Club are coming." We turned 
 round, and saw a procession of four-in-hand 
 carriages. 
 
 To see this Club had been the height of 
 our ambition, and to meet them when we 
 ourselves were humble followers of theirs, 
 was an additional gratification. AVe threw 
 down enough money to pay our tolls twice 
 over, and, driving on, pulled up on the left 
 side of. the road. This attention was 
 remarked by a gentleman who sat on the 
 box of the leading "drag," and who made 
 us a patronizing nod as he passed. No 
 sooner had all the " teams " passed the gate, 
 than they came to a stop, and a groom, who 
 had jumped down from the leading coach, 
 after receiving a message from his master, 
 came up to us, and, touching his hat, gave 
 Kirkonnel a message, to the purport that 
 Mr. Buxton, as president of the Whip Club, 
 would be delighted if we would join them at 
 dinner, at Salt Hill. " It's my uncle. Sir 
 Charles, on the box," said Kirkonnel. " I 
 thought it was as we passed; but he
 
 PERCY HAMILTON^ 95 
 
 was SO muffled up with that scarlet belcher 
 that I scarcely knew him. What's to be 
 done ? " said he, turning to me ; " my nags 
 won't go farther than Cranford Bridge. " 
 "Had we not not better see Sir Charles? " 
 I responded. 
 
 Upon this, we descended from our car- 
 riages, not a little proud of our costume, 
 which I omitted to say consisted of green 
 cutaway coats, white cord trousers, boots 
 resplendent in all the brilliancy of Day and 
 Martin, blue bird's-eye neckcloths, orna- 
 mented with pins of the bars in gold and 
 coral, yellow and black striped waistcoats, 
 and light drab great coats, with huge mother- 
 of-pearl buttons. As we approached the 
 leading coach, Avhich was a barouche landau, 
 with four beautiful bays, we were most 
 kindly welcomed by Sir Charles, who intro- 
 duced us as young Westminsters to Mr. 
 Buxton. " What! fresh from Dean's Yard?" 
 said the latter. We answered in the affir- 
 mative. "How get on the studies?" 
 enquired the worthy Baronet. " Pretty
 
 96 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 well," I responded ; Kirkonnel quoting the 
 following lines : — 
 
 " Sunt quos ciuriculo pulverum Olympicum, 
 CiiUegisse juvat." 
 
 " You've not forgotten your latin, my 
 boy," said Sir Charles. " But why drive a 
 tandem? it's a most dangerous affair." 
 
 " Oh ! uncle, you're like Propertius, who 
 exclaims a^-ainst it as rivallino; the curricle 
 — that is, if my translation is correct : 
 
 ' Invide tu tandem voces compesce molestas 
 Et sine nos cursu quo sumus ire pares ' " 
 
 " Why, Page has taught you a thing or 
 two, youngster," said a sporting-looking 
 man on the roof. When I was at West- 
 minster, a boy was voted mad that drove 
 such a conveyance." 
 
 '' Ay — as Horace writes, 
 
 ' Tandem parcas insane,' " 
 
 said I, taking up the running. " We have 
 got a bint — 
 
 ' Tandem discedere campis admonuit '
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 97 
 
 for Gary told us last week, if ever he caught 
 us driving such an ungentlemanlike vehicle, 
 he should expel us; but he's at a meeting in 
 the City to-day, and won't hear of our 
 lark; " 
 
 " Bravo ! youngster," said Sir Charles. 
 " But at what time must you be at your 
 boarding-house ? " " Ten o'clock," we re- 
 sponded. "All right. Now, what I advise 
 you to do, is to put up your horses at 
 Hounslow; I'll send them back to town, 
 and you and your friends can come on 
 with us to Salt Hill — have a capital ' tuck 
 in ' (I think that's your AVestminster name 
 for it), and we will set you down in Dean's 
 Yard before that hour. " 
 
 Delio^hted with this arrano;ement, we im- 
 mediately started ; and, as the members of 
 the Whip Club did not seem to be very am- 
 bitious in having the addition of two rather 
 seedy looking turns-out to their splendid 
 equipages, they begged we would take pre- 
 cedence of them, and find the best of our way 
 to the George Inn, at Hounslow. This we 
 
 VOL. I. F
 
 98 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 accordingly did, and in an incredibly short 
 period of time (for we were anxious to have 
 our money's worth out) we found ourselves 
 at that, in those days, most busy and bustling 
 town of Hounslow. As we drove up to the 
 door, the ostler looked as if he thought a 
 smaller establishment than the far-famed 
 George would suit our finances, for he talked 
 of the stables being nearly full, but, when 
 we mentioned the names of Sir Charles and 
 Mr. Buxton, and stated that we were en route 
 to Salt Hill to dine with the AVhip Club, the 
 man of oats said he would do his best, and, 
 calling to one of his deputies, begged that 
 every care might be taken of the young gen- 
 tlemen's horses. In due time, the caval- 
 cade arrived, consisting of the following 
 teams : — 
 
 Mr. Buxton's barouche landau — four bays 
 
 Lord Portarlington's ditto 
 
 Lord Hawke's ditto 
 
 Sir H. V. Tempest's ditto 
 
 Mr. Champion's ditto
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 99 
 
 Mr. Wallace's ditto 
 
 Captain Agar's ditto, with greys 
 
 Lord E. Somerset's ditto, four bays 
 
 Sir T. Mostyn's ditto 
 
 Sir H. Smith's ditto 
 
 Lord Foley's ditto 
 
 Mr. J. Warde's ditto 
 
 Mr. Annesley's ditto, four roans. 
 
 Of the above not one remains : 
 
 " They were ; and oh ! how many sorrows crowd 
 Into those two brief words ! " 
 
 The principal vehicles were painted bright 
 yellow — hung high, with arms and crests on 
 the door panels. Li the harness, the Bux- 
 ton bit, Hawke head territt, the Butler 
 bearing-hook, and the Rogers ring were in 
 vogue. The arms and crests were richly 
 embossed on the winkers, pads, nose-bands, 
 and breast-plates ; while scollop-shells on 
 the hame tugs were substituted for the scroll 
 ornaments in chased work, which had previ- 
 ously been the fashion. The drivers were 
 
 F 2
 
 100 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 furnished with white box-coats, horns (for 
 " shooters" were not then in fashion), and 
 spare bars and traces. Sir Charles had now de- 
 scended from the box, and, after inquiring of 
 us what we had paid for our tandems (for 
 the Westminster livery-stable-man never 
 gave tick for such forbidden amusements), 
 held a conversation with the ostler, which 
 ended in his desiring a couple of steady men 
 to drive the two vehicles back to London, 
 leaving the leaders to follow with a helper, 
 as they were pronounced by the master of 
 the horse at the George to be " out and out 
 bad ones, and warment enuff to floor any 
 shay." 
 
 " Here, young 'uns," said the kind-hearted 
 baronet, " this will settle the account. It's 
 quite fair, if you don't have your day's work, 
 you should not pay for it; " and, slipping a 
 five-pound note into the hands of his nephew, 
 we mounted the seats in the respective drags 
 that had been allotted to us, and Mr. Buxton 
 giving the signal, we dashed through the 
 High-street of Hounslow at a slapping pace.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 101 
 
 Those who have not had the good fortune 
 to live in the days of coaching can scarcely 
 feel the delight of a journey on the road, 
 seated by the side of an agreeable companion, 
 und behind four blood horses; the roads 
 sufficiently watered by an April shower to 
 lay the dust — the hedge-rows shooting forth 
 — buds unfolding — flowers bursting out — 
 the birds carolling cheerfully, as if to wel- 
 come the return of spring — the sun smiling 
 upon the snusj cottages — the picturesque 
 village churches — the small hamlets — the 
 neatly kept gardens, whose early produce 
 are now beginning to bloom — such were the 
 delisfhts of the road. Let us turn to the 
 rail, where, instead of the " balmy odours " 
 of nature — her breath upon the breeze — the 
 traveller is nearly suffocated with the rank 
 smell of oil, smoke, gas, and sulphur. 
 
 Instead of gazing upon the green fields, 
 the flowery cottages, the earth teeming with 
 fertility, the velvet lawns, the verdant fields, 
 the luxuriant woods, the peaceful valleys^ 
 the shady lanes, the well-stocked orchards
 
 102 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 you are whirled along at the rate of fifty 
 miles an hour, amidst the densest smoke, 
 the groanings of engines, through an em- 
 bankment of chalk, or clay. Instead of the 
 warm welcome at the inn, apostrophized by 
 the poet, or the less ostentatious, although 
 not less sincere, reception at the way-side 
 public, you are shown into a huge room that 
 reminds you of the spot where the lions are 
 now wont to be fed at the Zoological Gardens; 
 where all is noise, crowd, hurry, and con- 
 fusion ; and where your pockets are emptied 
 and your inner man not filled, from the 
 caloric qualities of the food, and the haste 
 in which you are called upon to devour it ; 
 and last, not least, compare the comfort of a 
 barouche and four — a chariot and pair, 
 starting at your own hour, stopping where 
 you like, to the levelling system of the rail, 
 where high-born dames of great degree are 
 mixed with black-legs and sharpers ; where 
 the hereditary " pillars of the state " congre- 
 gate with Whitechapel " gents " and Corin- 
 thian "swells;" where prim old maids are
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 103 
 
 " cheek by jowl " with libertine roues ; 
 where young and innocent boarding-school 
 misses sit next to soi-disant captains and 
 needy fortune-hunters ; where hard-hearted 
 debtors are placed opposite their clamorous 
 creditors; where sage philosophers come in 
 collision with unchained lunatics, and proud 
 peeresses are brought in contact with fet- 
 tered felons. 
 
 Our excursion to Salt Hill was most 
 delightful ; and, as we drove up to Bo- 
 tham's, nothing could exceed the gaiety 
 and bustle of the scene. The landlady and 
 landlord both came forward to welcome us ; 
 the waiters were drawn up in the doorway 
 to attend to our orders; the barmaids took 
 a slight glance at the procession ; while the 
 ostler and his attendants, including the 
 first and second turn-out boys, were by the 
 side of the carriages. " Dinner in half-an- 
 hour," said the president, after exchanging 
 courtesies with " mine host." " We'll take 
 a stroll in your garden, to get a better ap- 
 petite for your good fare." The teams were
 
 104 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 then driven into the yard, and we proceeded 
 to saunter in the well laid out gardens, and 
 to that mount famed in Eton history as the 
 spot where, from time immemorial, the cap- 
 tain of the school had triennially unfurled 
 his banner to the surrounding and admiring 
 multitude of kings, queens, princes, royal 
 dukes, and every rank and degree, from the 
 proudest aristocrat down to the " bargee" 
 of the " silver Thames." 
 
 This highly-honoured and ancient custom, 
 in which our ancestors took delight, has 
 since been abolished, owing to the inter- 
 ference of the provost and head master, and 
 new-fangled ideas of propriety. As old 
 Westminsters, we cannot but feel for our 
 brother Etonians ; and sincerely do we regret 
 that the exertions of many of our most 
 distiniruished nobles and commoners in the 
 church, the senate, the bar, and the field, 
 have failed to produce due effect, and that 
 the petition lately presented to our most 
 gracious Sovereign, not to sanction the abo- 
 lition of the Montem, has not met with 
 the royal favour.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 105 
 
 Dinner was now announced, and, following 
 Mr. Buxton, the president of the day, we 
 entered one of the most cheerful rooms in 
 the house, looking most appropriately to the 
 " road." The repast was worthy of Walker, 
 who wrote the Original, and therein gave 
 some ideas upon gastronomy, which we have 
 never seen equalled — of the late Dr. Kitch- 
 ener, of epicurean fame — or of the present 
 public-spirited and humane proprietor of 
 the Symposium of whom we may truly 
 say, ^' Soyez parfaity There was nothing 
 upon the table that was not in season. No 
 liigh-sounding titles to dishes of plebeian 
 note ; no bill of fare, in French, of soup a la 
 honne femme — of fish au Cardinal — of cut- 
 lets a la Souhise, or of tongue a la prima 
 donna. We lately met with the latter dish, 
 which gave rise to a pun from Beazley, of 
 whom more anon, who, upon helping himself 
 to this syren tongue, declared it to be a first- 
 rate prima donna, though not (greasy) 
 irisi. 
 To return to our Salt Hill dinner, which 
 
 F 3
 
 106 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 did not require the foreign aid of ornament 
 — not that we censure French cooking, but 
 what we do find fault with is an attempt to 
 transmogrify native dishes into continental 
 ones. Nothing can be better than our indige- 
 nous mutton chops and rump-steaks, but let 
 wluit the newspaper advertisements term "a 
 professed woman cook " try to convert them 
 into Maintenon Cutlets and Neapolitan 
 filets, and the most lamentable failure, nine- 
 teen times out of twenty, follows. Mrs. Bo- 
 thara knew this secret well, and, upon the 
 occasion I allude to, and many since that 
 period, I have always found a plain and per- 
 fect English dinner. Mutton broth, rich in 
 meat and herbs ; fresh-water fish in every 
 form — stewed, fried, boiled, baked, spitch- 
 cocked, and in water zuchee ; the purest 
 bread and freshest butter ; salmon and 
 mackerel, from the Groves^ of Bond Street, 
 with green gooseberries and the earliest CU' 
 cumbers ; a saddle of South Down, kept to 
 a moment and done to a turn ; mutton chops, 
 hot and hot ; marrow-bones ; Irish stews ;
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 107 
 
 rump-steaks, tender and juicy ; chickens 
 and ham ; with plum-pudding, fruit tarts, 
 trifles, and gooseberry-fool. Then the pro- 
 duce of the grape — if we could not pride 
 ourselves, after the eastern fashion, of 
 
 " Wines, too, of every clime and hue, 
 Around their liquid lustre threw," 
 
 we could boast of Madeira that had been so 
 often to India that it was almost tired of the 
 voyage — of sherry, dry and fruity, that 
 could not be surpassed — of old crusted 
 port, that had been bottled upon the day of 
 the birth of our president, and which was 
 kept especially for the members of the Four- 
 in-hand Club. No sooner was the cloth re- 
 moved than bumper toasts were drunk, cur- 
 tailed of all speechifying ; bacchanalian 
 songs were sung, the joke and repartee went 
 round, and we were only reminded that the 
 time was up by the entrance of Mr. Bux- 
 ton's coachman, who informed us that the 
 teams were being put to. A brimmer of 
 port was handed to this perfect specimen of
 
 108 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 a " dragsman," who duly returned thanks. 
 The reckoning was then paid, the waiters 
 fee'd, and with great truth we realized, with 
 a slight variation, the lines of the then 
 popular coaching song of the day : 
 
 '' With spirits gay we mount the box, the tits up to their 
 
 traces — 
 Our elbows squared, our wrists turned down — dash off at 
 
 awful paces ; 
 With Buxton bit, bridoon so trim, three chestnuts and a 
 
 grey- 
 Well coupled up the leaders then— Ya hip ! we bowl away." 
 
 Our time of departure had been so arranged 
 that we might arrive at Hounslow in time for 
 the changing horses of the numerous mails 
 that, at that period, passed through this 
 now deserted posting town. After an agree- 
 able drive, we reached the High Street just 
 as the following mails had pulled up : —the 
 Bath, Bristol, Devonport, Exeter, Gloucester, 
 Poole, and Southampton. Here we were 
 welcomed by our brother " whips," and 
 having drunk a glass of sherry to the 
 " bars," we proceeded on our respective des- 
 tinations.
 
 PKRCY HAMILTON. 109 
 
 It may here not be uninteresting to give 
 a fuller description of the costume of the 
 drivers of that day than we have previously 
 done. A light drab-coloured cloth coat, 
 made full, single breasted, with three tiers 
 of pockets, the skirts reaching to the ankles ; 
 mother-of-pearl buttons of the size of crown 
 pieces, engraved with coaching, shooting, 
 hunting, coursing, and racing sketches; 
 waistcoat, blue and yellow stripe, each stripe 
 an inch in depth ; small clothes, corded silk 
 plush, made to button over the calf of the 
 leg, with sixteen strings, and rosettes to each 
 knee; the boots very short, and finished 
 w4th very broad straps, which hung over 
 the tops and down to the ancle ; a hat three 
 inches and a half deep in the crown only, 
 and the same depth in the brim ; with large 
 bouquets at the breast. Such was the dress 
 of the members of the rival societies — the 
 Driving and AYhip Clubs, thirty years ago. 
 No event worth recording occurred upon 
 the road to London, and, shortly after nine 
 o'clock we reached Park Lane, where we
 
 no PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 separated, all highly delighted with our day 
 at Salt Hill. There are few things that 
 have undergone such changes as coaches and 
 vehicles, from the days of the virgin queen 
 to those of Victoria. 
 
 " When queen Elizabeth came to the throne, 
 A coach in England then was scarcely known." 
 
 So A\Tote the water poet, John Taylor, in 
 1662 ; and to prove this we have only to 
 lay before our readers the mode of transit 
 two years previously to that time, between 
 Edinburgh and Leith, and the present 
 conveyances from " Auld Reekie" to its 
 neighbouring harbour towTi ; and, in order 
 that they may duly appreciate the advan- 
 tages of omnibuses, we shall enable them, 
 by the following extract from the records 
 of the towTi council of Edinburgh, to con- 
 trast the facilities of visiting that city, 
 which AVilliam Woodcock afforded to their 
 forefathers, and those which, thanks to the 
 omnibi (as the learned call them), they 
 enjoy every five minutes in the present 
 day:—
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. Ill 
 
 " Apud Edin., the twentie eiojhth day of 
 Sept., sixteen hundred and three-score years. 
 Grants libertie and tolerance to William 
 Woodcock, lait officer in Leith, to fitt and 
 set up ane Haickney coatch, for service of 
 his Majesty's leidges, betwixt Leith and 
 Edinburgh, at the rates following ; viz., for 
 the coatch hjve, up or doA^Ti, wdth ane 
 single person, 12 shillings : if the person 
 desire to go alone, and if that person who 
 hyres the coatch wiU wait for another to go 
 along with him, to pay no more. If three 
 persons go along with him to pay no more, 
 but 12 shillings all the three. If any more 
 person nor three, each man to pay 4 shil- 
 lings Scots for their hyres ; and the persons 
 coming up to Edinburgh to light at the 
 fute of Leith Wynd." 
 
 But we need not go so far north for an 
 illustration. Look at the numerous weU- 
 horsed, clean, and commodious omnibuses, 
 tribuses, patent cabs, coaches, and Broug- 
 hams that now ply, daily and hourly, in the
 
 112 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 streets of our own metropolis and its 
 suburbs, and compare them with the jolting 
 sedan-chair or rumbling hackney-coach of 
 former times. In public vehicles, then, in 
 London, and ten miles round it, we can 
 boast of an immense improvement : not so 
 in coaching, in which there has been a >ad 
 and entire falling off. We have lived to 
 mourn over " The light (drags) of other 
 days,'* now " faded away ; to see the inno- 
 vation of hot water at the expense of horse- 
 flesh ; to find puffing chimneys, instead of 
 panting steeds ; iron funnels, in lieu of iron 
 greys ; and to witness the gigantic power 
 of steam bursting forth (alas ! more often 
 truly than figuratively), its mighty energies, 
 and driving the well-appointed " team" 
 from the road. 
 
 We now return to Westminster, where 
 we arrived in due time, with money enough 
 in our pockets to indulge, upon the follow- 
 ing day, in all the humours and amusements 
 of Gooseberry fair, Tothill Fields, winding 
 up our day's entertainment with a " spread"
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 113 
 
 at the Reel House, Battersea. Thanks to 
 the kindness of an aunt of Kirkonnel's, a 
 distant relation of mine, we had permission 
 to spend the Easter vacation with her, in 
 Cumberland place ; but, as we rather voted 
 it a bore, we had got round the tender 
 heart of the dear old creature, to permit us 
 to absent ourselves from her society until 
 the Wednesday, when we promised to dine 
 with her, in the hopes of filling our insides 
 as well as our purses with this estimable 
 lady's bounty. 
 
 Easter Tuesday arrived, and, just as my 
 " chum" and myself were adorning ourselves 
 in our best, Dick informed me that two 
 gentlemen were waiting to see me in the 
 reception room. As a Westminster boy 
 has always an eye to a " tip," which he 
 invariably associates with a visit, I lost no 
 time in descending, and, upon opening the 
 door, who should I cast my eyes upon but 
 my old travelling acquaintance, Billy 
 Sanders. 
 
 " Well, I'm as good as my word," said
 
 114 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 the lawyer; "I promised to call. Allow 
 me to introduce my Mend Frank Alderson, 
 Barrister-at-law, Middle Temple, Oxford 
 circuit, Member of l;he Metropolitan Ama- 
 teur Society, and President of the Histrionic 
 Club, held at the Shakspeare's Head." 
 Mr. Alderson gave me a most theatrical 
 bow, exclaiming in a dramatic tone, " A 
 thousand times good morrow." Sanders 
 then proceeded to say, that he and his 
 friend had procured two double orders for 
 Astley's theatre, for that evening, and that 
 they would have the greatest pleasure if I 
 and my young companion would join them. 
 " Let us to the Piazza, all to dinner," con- 
 tinued the stage-struck hero, still quoting 
 from the *' Sweet Swan of Avon ; " " we 
 will be as merry as crickets, lad." 
 
 I thanked Sanders for his courtesy, 
 pointed out that my cousin Kirkonnel and 
 myself were about to proceed to the Tothill 
 Fields fair, and that we should be delighted 
 to accompany him and his friend to the 
 play. It was then arranged that our
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 115 
 
 Amphitrions should proceed to the Piazza 
 Coffee-house, to order dinner at five o'clock 
 precisely, and that they should meet us at 
 the fair in two hours' time. " Though loth 
 to bid farewell, we take our leaves," said 
 Alderson, in a most heroic strain ; and, 
 taking his companion's arm, they wished 
 me " Good morning," leaving me highly 
 delighted with the prospect of accompanying 
 them to my first play. Kirkonnel was 
 equally gratified at hearing of the dinner 
 and the evening's amusement ; and, as we 
 were not to be called upon to pay the ex- 
 penses of a trip to the Red House, we at 
 once decided upon a breakfast at Richard- 
 son's hotel, Covent Garden, whither we pro- 
 ceeded immediately, and surprised the 
 waiter not a little at our voracious appe- 
 tites. The charge was half-a-crown, for 
 tea, coffee, eggs, cold meat, toast, roUs, and 
 bread; and certainly we had our money's 
 worth, for never did two hungry schoolboys 
 devour more food than we did upon that 
 occasion.
 
 116 PERCr HAMILTON. 
 
 As we turned out of the Piazzas into 
 Kino--street, we nearly stumbled over a 
 o-roup of three young men. " Meet me to 
 morrow i'the Temple -hall, at two o'clock 
 i'the afternoon," said one, whom we im- 
 mediately recognised as Frank Alderson, to 
 a stranger who now took leave of him ; 
 then, approaching us, he exclaimed, " Once 
 more to day well met." Sanders also 
 congratulated himself on this unexpected 
 rencontre, in terms less theatrical, though 
 not less sincere. I then presented Kirkonnel 
 to the two limbs of the law, and we pro- 
 ceeded on our way towards the then far 
 celebrated fair at Tothill Fields. As we 
 entered the Strand, Frank Alderson 
 recollected that he had promised to call at 
 Ackermann's, to look at a print, just then 
 pubUshed, of his idol, John Philip Kemble. 
 We therefore bent our course towards that 
 "repository of arts ;" and, whilst gazing in at 
 the window, we had an opportunity of 
 witnessing the practical pleasantries of the 
 lioaxing lawyer.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 117 
 
 Just as his companion was spouting 
 forth, " Look here, upon this picture, and on 
 this," Ave were all startled by the noise of 
 some detonating balls, and the wonderful 
 evolutions of an elderly gentleman who, 
 lost in admiration of some sporting sketches, 
 had involuntarily placed his foot upon one 
 of these exploders ; and, as he moved from, 
 one spot to another, still continued to 
 make a most formidable report of himself, 
 a regular train having been laid for him. 
 The imperturbability of Billy Sanders' coun- 
 tenance, and the tragic manner in which the 
 amateur hero of the sock and buskin deli- 
 vered the following line from his favourite 
 author, 
 
 " For 'tis the sport to have the engineer hoist with his own 
 petard," 
 
 produced such an effect upon Kirkonnel's 
 and my risible faculties, that we burst out 
 into a loud laugh. This was taken up by 
 a butcher's boy, and two or three seedy- 
 looking gentlemen who had assembled round
 
 118 PERCY- HAMILTON. 
 
 the window, who immediately shouted and 
 hooted at the involuntary cause of this " flare 
 up," and fairly drove him from his battery. 
 
 " What say you to a boat, a wherry, or a 
 funny?" inquired Sanders; "we can get 
 one at Somerset House stairs, and that will 
 deposit us at the Horse Ferry road " (for 
 Waterloo and Vauxhall bridges were not 
 then in existence). " Let us avoid the 
 shallow bauble boat, and take the strong 
 ribb'd bark, that bounds between the two 
 moist elements, like Perseus' horse," re- 
 sponded Alder son. We therefore proceeded 
 quietly to the stairs, where a host of "jolly 
 young watermen " — then the rulers of the 
 river, as Britannia was, and ever will be, of 
 the waves — were ready to embark us, and, 
 engaging a good-sized two-oared wherry, 
 we sped quickly, with wind and tide, to- 
 wards Millbank. 
 
 Steam had not at that period made 
 its appearance on the Thames, and that 
 noble river was open to those who, like 
 myself, were addicted to aquatic sports. 
 
 r
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. J 19 
 
 A row, or a sail, was attainable by all ; and it 
 was amost brilliant sight to see the numerous 
 pleasure-boats, from the wherry to the 
 eight-oared cutter, manned by noble ama- 
 teurs, and filled with well-dressed ladies, or 
 tenanted by the worthy citizen and his 
 family, who gladly escaped from the dust 
 and heat of the city to enjoy the fresh 
 breeze on the Thames. Now mark the dif- 
 ference. It is positively a service of danger 
 to be on the water at all : the numerous 
 steamers dodging in and out, backwards 
 and forwards, tugs, brigs, barques, schooners, 
 cutters, colliers, barges, so entirely take up 
 the whole of the river, that a small boat has 
 no chance against this leviathan craft ; and 
 a person wishing to have a pleasure trip in 
 any of the boats that now ply upon the 
 river, must not only run the usual risk of 
 the old saying — of there being only one 
 plank between himself and eternity, but has 
 the additional chance of being run into bv 
 a Red Rover, capsized by a Waterman, 
 having your knell rung by a Sea Nymph,
 
 120 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 being upset by a Triton, fouled by a Fairy, 
 swamped by Father Thames and his Sons, 
 immersed in the river by the Ocean, or 
 finding yourself " full fathom five " by the 
 action of an Ariel.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 121 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 " When the fair is at the full, 
 In gallops a mad bull ; 
 Puts the rabble to the rout, 
 Lets all the monkeys out. 
 Down tumbles Mrs. Snip, 
 With a monkey on her hip ; 
 We shall aU be swallowed up I declare, oh ! 
 
 Comic Song. 
 
 Gooseberry Fair— Mad Bull— Ryan's Circus— Practical 
 Jokes— The Hoaxer at all "in the Ring"— A stley's— 
 Co vent Garden— The Road of 1810— Rail of 1847— 
 Milton's Works : he of the Mews, not Muse — A few 
 words upon the Tricks of the Chaunters — Advice to the 
 Inexperienced. 
 
 We now lost no time in proceeding to 
 the far-famed Gooseberry Fair, which was 
 held in Tothill Fields, adjoining our cricket- 
 ground. Our walk through the narrow 
 
 VOL. I. G
 
 122 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 streets that led from Horseferry-road 
 (where we landed) to the scene of amuse- 
 ment was enlivened by Billy Sanders' joco- 
 sities and tricks upon the unwary. Like 
 all other fairs, the clamour of trumpets, the 
 noise of the drums, the deep sound of the 
 gongs, the screaming notes of the penny- 
 trumpets, and the din of a thousand discor- 
 dant voices, assailed the ears long before we 
 reached the spot. The first line of booths 
 was occupied by the customary shows, wild 
 beasts — indomitable, untameable animals, 
 conjurors, tumblers, dwarfs, giants, learned 
 astrologers, wax-w^ork figures, sapient pigs, 
 and rope-dancers. Then came Mr. G}Tigeirs 
 company of "tragedians," and Messrs. 
 Ryan's and Scowton's troop of horses ; then 
 a row of swings and merry go-rounds. 
 
 Behind these were the toy, fruit, and gin- 
 gerbread stalls ; the venders bawling every 
 moment in your ears : — 
 
 " Taste 'em and try 'em, 
 'Afore you buy 'cm." 
 
 There was the "most wonderful of all
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 123 
 
 wonderful wonders, that the world ever 
 wondered at," to be seen in one booth ; and, 
 at others, men and women eating fire, and 
 swallowing carving-knives. There Avere 
 " the best actors in the world — either for 
 tragedy, comedy, history-pastoral, pastoral- 
 comical, historical-pastoral, tragical-comi- 
 cal," for grown-up people, and Punch and 
 Judy to divert the children. 
 
 The fair, which we reached in due time, 
 was exactly in the state described in the 
 lines of one of poor Charles Mathews' comic 
 songs, which heads this chapter. An infuri- 
 ated bull, which had been most cruelly baited, 
 had broken from his stake, and was now 
 tossing everything that came in his way. 
 Never was there such a scene of noise and 
 confusion— men hallooing, women screeching, 
 boys shouting, curs barking, and donkeys 
 braying. During the animal's progress, 
 gingerbread stalls were overturned, E. 0. 
 tables capsized, lottery-boards broken down, 
 counters upset, and temporary booths car- 
 ried away. At length, a tall man rushed 
 
 G 2
 
 124 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 out of the crowd, " Have at him, Griper !'* 
 cried he ; at the same time slipping a fero- 
 cious-looking bull-dog, who, in a moment, 
 pinned the nearly-maddened brute. " Te- 
 gus," for it was no other than he, now 
 dexterously threw a lasso over the head of 
 the bull ; and, with the assistance of the 
 populace, drew the running noose so tight 
 that they speedily captured the cause of all 
 the excitement. 
 
 In the mean-time, under the direction of 
 Frank Alderson, we had taken refuge upon 
 the platform in front of Eyan's Circus, and 
 had witnessed the scene from this thickly- 
 congregated spot, consisting of an assem- 
 blage of terrified old women, frightened 
 children, timid men, and prudent persons, 
 like ourselves. The clown, who was part 
 proprietor of the "valuable stud of horses," 
 had an eye to business ; for, after urging 
 all that came within his reach to walk up 
 and take refuge from the " henraged han- 
 imal," he immediately compelled us to secure 
 "checks" for the performance, the prices
 
 PERCY HAMILTON 125 
 
 being raised upon this occasion only — boxes 
 one shilling, pit sixpence, and gallery four- 
 pence. Never was there such a wind-fall to 
 a manager as that produced by the cry of 
 " Mad bull ! '' The platform and interior 
 of the circus were entirely filled ; and it re- 
 quired a good deal of packing to clear the 
 ring for the " grand entree of Mr. Ryan's 
 unparalleled stud of horses." The circus 
 was brilliantly illuminated within, and, after 
 some little difiiculty, the audience took their 
 seats. The band now struck up the march 
 in " Lodoiska ;" and, as it consisted of a 
 shrivelled drum, a spasmodic clarionet, a 
 squeaking fiddle, and some jangling cym- 
 bals, it gave Alderson an opportunity of 
 spouting the following lines, which drew 
 down a burst of applause from the gallery : — 
 
 " Music do I hear ? 
 
 Ha ! ha ! keep time. How sour sweet music is 
 When time is broke !" 
 
 "Silence that puppy in the boxes !" shouted 
 the leader of the orchestra, whose pride was
 
 126 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 evidently hurt at this remark. The Widdi- 
 comb of the ring then made his appearance, 
 dressed in a most splendid Hussar suit, of 
 liii^it blue and silver, the lace of which was 
 somewhat tarnished; yellow boots, with 
 high brass heels and spurs ; a white satin sash, 
 and a shako, adorned with a huge, white, 
 flowing feather, completed his costume. 
 After making sundry obeisances to the au- 
 dience, he proceeded to state that after the 
 grand (??z^r^'g of beautifully caparisoned steeds, 
 Mademoiselle Rosahdna Konconi would 
 have the honour of dancing the sailor's 
 hornpipe upon her highly-trained mare 
 " Bianca ;" to be followed by the Protean 
 evolutions of j\Iaster Ryan. No sooner had 
 the performance commenced, and every eye 
 was attracted totlie arena, than Sanders com- 
 menced his practical jests. He first began 
 by pinning together the tails of the coat of 
 an elderly gentleman with the skirts of an 
 antique-looking spinster, then passing a 
 small piece of whip-cord round the buttons 
 of a sedate personage he attached it to the
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 127 
 
 shawl of a gaudily-dressed damsel. lie then 
 placed straws up the coUars and labels upon 
 the backs of those who sat before him, with 
 some vulgar jocosities 's\Titten upon them ; 
 describing the wearer as having " Strayed 
 from Clerkenwell prison," requesting that 
 " ugly might be taken home and chained 
 up," or calling upon the public to kick, 
 buffet, or othermse ill-use the unfortunate 
 victim of his plaisanteries. 
 
 The performance terminated ; and, as the 
 Master of the Ring made his appearance to 
 thank the audience for their kind patronage, 
 and was in the midst of a most flowing ha- 
 ranjrue, informino; them that there would 
 be a repetition of it every quarter-of-an-hour, 
 down went the grand chandelier, which hung 
 over the centre of the circus; and which 
 was composed of tin-foil, tallow candles, and 
 laurel-leaves. Then commenced the shriek- 
 ing of females, the yells of the males, and 
 the cries of " Shame !" from the respectable 
 portion of the public ; in the midst of which 
 the Master of the Ring threw a light upon
 
 128 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 the subject by opening a side window, which 
 gave Alderson an opportunity of shouting 
 forth the following appropriate lines : — 
 
 " Dark needs no candles now, 
 For dark is light." 
 
 The doors were now opened ; and along the 
 passage Sanders had strewed a line of deto- 
 nating balls, all of which exploding at nearly 
 the same time sounded like a feu de joie. 
 Of course, our readers will have fixed the 
 grand joke upon the hoaxer ; who, being a 
 warm-hearted creature, and having had his 
 fun, repaid the manager for the breakage of 
 his lustre, and the purchase of a new wors- 
 ted cord which had suspended it, and which 
 had been cut away by his mischievous hands. 
 We now strolled through the fair, visiting 
 all the wonderful sights, from the penny 
 view of the " Battle of Trafalgar," to the one 
 shilling representation at Scowton's Koyal 
 Amphitheatre; where, according to the 
 bills, we Avere gratified by the following 
 performance: — " Unequalled! Unparalleled!!
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 129 
 
 Attractive novelties ! ! ! Powerful and highly 
 trained double stud of Persian, Arabian, 
 Spanish, Hanoverian, and British horses, 
 Syrian, Egyptian camels, elephants, wild 
 zebras, trained deer, and other quadrupeds ; 
 combined with an extensive establishment 
 of equestrian and dramatic artistes^ troops of 
 gymnastic performers, voltigeurs, antipodean 
 wonders, tight and slack rope dancers." 
 
 We then tried our luck at the wheels of 
 fortune, " for the small charge of von penny 
 a time;" and next entered the "Monster" 
 hempen tavern, kept by one of the fighting 
 men of the day ; and here the hoaxer nearly 
 got into trouble, in consequence of one of 
 his practical jokes being discovered by the 
 proprietor. Had it not been for our old 
 friend Tegus, who happened, fortunately for 
 us, to be at the bar, regaling himself with a 
 glass of spirits, we should have been roughly 
 handled *, he stepped forward immediately, 
 and made it " all right," by ordering, at 
 Sanders' expense, some half-dozen glasses 
 of brandy and water. 
 
 g3
 
 130 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 The fair generally ended with a " row with 
 the mob," in which many heads were broken 
 upon both sides. Upon this occasion, a West- 
 minster boy, who went by the name of " Big 
 Ben," quarrelled with one of the unwashed, 
 and, instead of fighting it out on the spot, it 
 was agreed that, on the following Friday, 
 they should meet in Tothill-fields to settle 
 the affair in the good old English fashion. 
 The day arrived, and at five o'clock the 
 champions appeared. The "Westminster 
 "pet" (for such, from kindness of heart, 
 he really was) entered the ring elate with 
 courage ; the "sky," who had on some for- 
 mer occasions thrown up his hat, made his 
 appearance, backed by some half dozen ill- 
 looking sons of Israel. " Ben's " attitude 
 and science were perfect; he bore the fierce 
 assault of his antagonist without flinching, 
 watched and parried his intended blow, re- 
 turned it with quickness, and followed it up 
 with resolution and effect. 
 
 In twenty minutes, the Dean's Yard hero 
 was declared victorious, and never did con-
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 131 
 
 queror wear his blushing honours more mo- 
 destly. And now I must make a short digression 
 to offer a few remarks upon the good old manly 
 English custom of settling quarrels with the 
 fist, and which (prohpudor) has lately given 
 way to the foreign knife. To strengthen my 
 view of the case, I shall give an extract of a 
 charge made by a late Chief Justice to the 
 grand jury of Wiltshire. His lordship said, 
 " The practice of boxing has often been a 
 subject of discussion in this country ; I must 
 say that it seems to me a practice that may 
 very advantageously be encouraged to a 
 limited extent. It is in some sort a laiv of 
 peace, for it discourages the use of unfair 
 means of attack; it prevents malicious reta- 
 liation ; it only enables men to employ the 
 fair advantages that they may naturally 
 possess, and in the use of which they are 
 restrained by the point of honour; and, 
 while it encourages a proper English spirit, 
 it prevents courage from degenerating into 
 brutality, and secures men from the treachery 
 and malignity of those whom they have of-
 
 132 PEKCY HAMILTON. 
 
 fended." To this forcible remark I shall 
 merely add that 1 am no advocate for the 
 pitched battle for money, or the brutalities 
 so often practised on such occasions. "A 
 clear stage, no favour, and forbearance to a 
 fallen foe," should be the motto of an Eng- 
 lishman. "It is better to iight out a quarrel, 
 and shake hands," than to harbour that thirst 
 for revenge which brings about cutting, stab- 
 bing, waylayings, and all secret and unmanly 
 advantages. 
 
 As the hour of dinner was approaching, 
 we quitted Tothill-fields ; Alderson surprising 
 some yokels by the theatrical tone in which he 
 spouted forth the not inappropriate lines : — 
 
 " Fare thee well, most foul most fair." 
 
 I pass over our dinner, which consisted of 
 all the Piazza luxuries, until the hour arrived 
 when a coach was at the door to take us to 
 Astley's, then in its glory. 
 
 After a slow and rumbling drive, we were 
 set down at the door of the celebrated 
 Amphitheatre. To describe my sensations
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 133 
 
 at the appearance of the house and the per- 
 formances would be impossible, and any 
 sketch would fall so short of the reality, that 
 I will not attempt it ; suffice it to say, for 
 days and nights I could think of nothing 
 but Astley's. It was a scene of enchant- 
 ment — a fairy dream, upon which I loved to 
 linger. The " entertainment by man and 
 horse " consisted of the " Blood-red Knight," 
 a most gorgeous spectacle, interesting in its 
 plot and splendid in its stage effects; some 
 magnificent riding in the ring ; and a comic 
 pantomime. 
 
 Both Kirkonnel and myself were now so 
 thoroughly inoculated with a taste for the 
 drama that we could think of little else ; 
 delighted, therefore, were we to find that our 
 friend, Alderson, had procured us orders for 
 Covent Garden Theatre, which had been re- 
 built and opened the previous September. 
 
 The play was " Henry YIII." followed 
 by "The Waterman." Kemble, Cardinal 
 Wolsey; Cooke, Bluff Harri/; Charles Kemble, 
 Cromwell; Mrs. Siddons, Queen Katherine ;
 
 134 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 Mrs. Davenport, The Old Lady ; and the 
 pretty Miss Bristow, Anne Boleyn. In the 
 afterpiece, we had the following concentration 
 of talent : — Incledon, Liston, Blanchard, Mrs. 
 Davenport, and Miss Bolton (afterwards 
 Lady Thurlow). 
 
 In the council scene in " Henry VIII.," 
 where Cranmer appears, every sentiment 
 that bore upon the case was applied to the 
 recent imprisonment of Sir Francis Burdett 
 in the Tower. When the Lord Chancellor 
 uttered the lines — 
 
 " It stands agreed 
 I take it, by all voices, that forthwith 
 You be conveyed to the Tower a prisoner," 
 
 there was a great deal of hissing ; which was 
 renewed when the Archbishop exclaimed — 
 
 " Is there no other -way of mercy 
 But I must needs to the Tower f' 
 
 When the King said- 
 
 " I had thought I had had men of some understanding 
 And wisdom, of my council ;"
 
 TERCY HAMILTON. 135 
 
 a burst of applause broke forth from pit, 
 boxes and gallery ; so great at that period 
 was the popularity of '' England's pride 
 and Westminster's glory," the late Sir 
 Francis Burdett. 
 
 The commitment of Sir Francis Burdett to 
 the Tower, already alluded to, occurred about 
 this period, and made a lasting impression 
 upon my mind. Passing through Picca- 
 dilly with Kirkonnel, we found a tumultuous 
 mob assembled near and around the baronet's 
 house, obliging every one that passed to take 
 off his hat, and cry " Burdett for ever ! " 
 We (though rather precocious politicians) 
 shouted vociferously from principle, " Bur- 
 dett for ever ! " So great a clamour did we 
 raise that it attracted the attention of the 
 people, who, seeing our youth, and the danger 
 we were exposed to, placed us in a safe po- 
 sition within the iron railings that divided 
 the reservoir from the street. The scene we 
 then witnessed was most exciting : a body 
 of troops were drawn up in front of the 
 house, and a posse of constables were descend-
 
 136 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 ing the area, and bursting open the windows 
 and doors ; one, bolder than the rest, had 
 mounted a ladder, and, having thrown open 
 the sash, was about to enter the drawing- 
 room, when he was intercepted. The calm 
 dignity with which the "friend of the people" 
 shut the window, calling out not to hurt the 
 intruder — the courage of a wife and mother, 
 who betrayed no symptoms of alarm, trusting 
 to the temper of her husband — and lastly, 
 that husband and an only son exposed to the 
 danger of a discharge of musketry on the 
 now turbulent mob, — were deeply affecting 
 incidents. In a few moments, a carriage 
 drove up to the door — it was instantly 
 surrounded by cavalry. Sir Francis, having 
 fruitlessly protested against the violation of 
 his house and his personal liberty, now 
 yielded to force, and entered the carriage, 
 followed by the Sergeant-at-Arms, Mr. Jones 
 Burdett, and a constable. The cavalcade, 
 consisting of the Life Guards, 15th Hussars, 
 and two battalions of the Guards, proceeded 
 to Albemarle-street. There the Guards fell
 
 PERCY UAMILTON. 137 
 
 out, and marched direct to the Tower. The 
 cavalry escort continued its progress, skirting 
 the town on the north until they reached 
 the Tower, where they delivered their 
 patriotic prisoner into the custody of the 
 Deputy-Lieutenant. 
 
 Fortunately for us, we were ordered, upon 
 our return to Dean's-yard, not to leave it, 
 for in the course of the day a riot had taken 
 place — the military had been fired at, and 
 two of the populace shot. In one instance, 
 the Coroner's jury returned a verdict of 
 "Justifiable homicide," and in the other 
 "Wilful murder." 
 
 The liberation of the worthy Baronet at 
 the prorogation of Parliament, in fine, was 
 a day of rejoicing — though, like the old 
 story of Hamlet, being performed without 
 the Prince of Denmark, Sir Francis did not 
 appear, having left the Tower by water. 
 The wdiole town was in commotion ; every 
 precaution was taken for keeping the 
 peace ; the cavalry were assembled in and 
 about the metropolis ; and a park of artillery
 
 138 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 was stationed near the Horse Guards. The 
 fineness of the day — every window filled 
 witli well-dressed persons, Avearing garter- 
 blue ribands — processions, with bands of 
 music — banners, inscribed " Trial by Jury," 
 " The Constitution," "Freedom of Election," 
 added to the brilliancy of the scene. I 
 shouted then, as I did ever afterwards, 
 '* Burdett for ever !" 
 
 The Drury Lane company were now 
 acting at the Lyceum; and never shall I 
 forget my delight at the following per- 
 formance, which took place for Mathews's 
 benefit : — " The Clandestine Marriage," and 
 " Killing no Murder;" the hero of the night 
 acting Lord Oglehy in the comedy, and Buskin 
 in the farce, with songs and imitations. What 
 a galaxy of talent was here assembled ! 
 Powell, Dowton, De Camp, Mathews, Kae, 
 Melvin, Penley, Horn, Phillips, Oxberry, ' 
 J. Johnstone, Knight, Wrench, Wewitzer, 
 and Jerry Sneak Russell; Mesdames Sparks,
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 139 
 
 Orger, Edwin, Cliatterley, Mountain, Har- 
 lowe, Bland, and Powell. Misses Duncan 
 and Rae. 
 
 At the little theatre in the Hayraarket, 
 during the summer, we had Bannister, C. 
 Keinble, Mathews, Jones, Liston, and Farley ; 
 Mesdames Gibbs, Glover, C. Kemble, Daven- 
 port, Liston, Mathews, and Miss H. Kelly. 
 Nothing could exceed the fun, pathos, and 
 broad grins of the audience, which the 
 following performances elicited : — " Love 
 Laughs at Locksmiths," " Children in the 
 Wood," and " Tom Thumb," Bannister's 
 Risk was all life and humour, while his 
 Walter brought tears into the eyes of many : 
 these were speedily turned into shouts of 
 merriment when Mathews and Liston ap- 
 peared in the afterpiece. 
 
 Those, indeed, were the palmy days of 
 the drama! Alas! fallen now — never, I 
 fear, to rise again. For let us turn our 
 steps towards Covent Garden, where "throats 
 from Italy and feet from France" now warble 
 and caper on those boards once graced by
 
 l40 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 the majestic Siddons, the classical Kemble, 
 the pathetic O'Xeil, the impassioned Kean. 
 
 " 'Tis true 'tis pity ; 
 
 And pity 'tis 'tis true" 
 
 (to quote the words of old Polonius) that 
 the plays of Shakspeare are now no longer 
 tolerated upon this stage, except in an 
 Italianized form, and with the a'lventitious aid 
 of ornamental music. How beautifully has 
 Akenside described the genius of that mighty 
 spirit, that Proteus of the drama, who changes 
 himself into each character, and enters into 
 every condition of human nature ! 
 
 " O youths and virgins ! 0, declining el 1 ! 
 O pale misfortune's slaves ! O, ye who dwell 
 Unknown, with humljle quiet ! Ye who wait 
 In courts, and fill the golden seat of kings ! 
 0, sons of sport and pleasure ! 0, thou wretch, 
 That weep'st for jealous love, and the sore wound 
 Of conscious guilt, or death's rapacious hand. 
 That left thee void of hope ! 0, ye who mourn 
 In exile ! Ye who through the embattled field 
 Seek bright renown ; or who for nobler palms 
 Contend, the leaders of a public cause ! 
 Ilath not his faithful tongue 
 Told you the fashion of your own estate, 
 The secrets of your bosom ?"
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 141 
 
 Byron's remarks, too, applied to one of 
 his distinguished predecessors, is so ap- 
 plicable to the immortal bard that we cannot 
 resist quoting them : — 
 
 " Neither time, nor distance, nor grief, nor 
 age, can ever diminish our veneration for 
 him who is the great poet of all times, of all 
 climes, of all feelings, and of all stages of 
 existence. The delight of our boyhood, the 
 study of our manhood ; perhaps, if allowed 
 to us to attain it, the consolation of our 
 age. He has assembled all that a good and 
 great man can gather together of wisdom, 
 clothed in consummate beauty." 
 
 But, if the public have driven the dramas 
 of Shakspeare from the two national estab- 
 lishments, happily others have opened wide 
 their portals for their reception. The minor 
 theatres (as they are called) ! no longer 
 struggling against a monopoly, which gave 
 the exclusive right of acting Shakspeare's 
 plays to the two patent theatres,now nightly re- 
 present his best tragedies to admiring audien- 
 ces. We remember the time when "^lacbeth,"
 
 142 TERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 converted into a burletta, was acted at the 
 Surrey, with a piano-forte accompaniment ; 
 and when it was necessary either to adopt 
 the above plan, or to alter the name to one 
 not likely to catch the ear of the licenser. 
 Thus, according to the wags of the day, 
 the tragedy of "Romeo and Juliet" was 
 enacted under the title of " How to die for 
 Love," and " Othello" under that of " Is he 
 Jealous ?" Now, the Haymarket, Princess's, 
 Victoria, Surrey, and last, not least, Sadler's 
 Wells, have, nightly, overflowing audiences 
 to witness the best of our legitimate dramas 
 in tragedy and comedy. The manager of 
 the last-mentioned theatre was one of the 
 first to bring forward the plays of Shak- 
 speare. He seems to have felt with Ben 
 Jonson — 
 
 " Sweet Swan of Avon ! wliat a sight it were 
 To sec thee in our water yet appear." 
 
 The sight has been realized ; and the "Swan 
 of Avon," somewhat ruffled by the neglect 
 and slights of the beauties of the west end 
 of the town, now glides majestically with
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 143 
 
 the stream in the New River Head, amidst 
 the smiles and plaudits of the Angels of 
 Islington. 
 
 But we have digressed. If there be one 
 word in our language, beyond all others, 
 teeming with delightful associations, " Holi- 
 day" is that word. At that magic name, what 
 bright retrospections of by-gone times — what 
 Kours of unalloyed happiness rush vividly 
 on the memory! Holidays ! — Christmas 
 holidays ! How forcibly they call back to 
 my remembrance the treasured friends of 
 my youthful and happy days — the sharers 
 of my early joys. I think of Kirkonnel, as 
 he then w^as — the gay, the noble, the spirit- 
 ed ; then comes the thought that he I loved 
 and prized — found an early grave in a 
 foreign soil. 
 
 Return we to Westminster, where time 
 passed happily on. Kirkonnel had accepted 
 an invitation to pass the vacation with 
 my family in Ireland. December came ; 
 and great was our delight when Kirkonnel 
 and myself started, for the Christmas vaca-
 
 144 rERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 tion, with a chaise and pair, enrouteto Dublin, 
 vid Holyhead. My father had at that pe- 
 riod a high public situation in the metropolis 
 of the sister isle ; and had kindly permit- 
 ted me to bring my Pythias home with 
 me. Few persons thought higher of them- 
 selves than we did when the respected 
 " Dick" informed us that one of Ne^vman's 
 chaises was at the door of Mother Pack'^ 
 The weather was cold, and the journey 
 dreary ; still our hearts were light, and 
 after encountering the usual desagre merits. 
 travellers are heir to, we reached Holyhead 
 in safety; and the Packet, commanded by that 
 most worthy man — the late Captain Skinner, 
 landed us at Kingston, after a somewhat 
 boisterous passage of eight and twenty hours. 
 A carriage was waiting for us, and, ere an 
 hour had elapsed, we reached "home — sweet 
 home." I only allude to my journey to draw 
 a comparison between the travelling then in 
 vogue and that of the present day. At the 
 former period, starting every morning at 
 half-past seven, and never stopping except
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. ] 45 
 
 to change chaise and horses, and for refresh- 
 ments, until eight o'clock in the evening, we 
 were five daj^s upon the road : the sailing- 
 packet varied in its passage, according to the 
 wind, from ten to eight and forty hours : an 
 hour more took us to Dublin's fair city. At 
 the present time, four and twenty hours 
 take you from London to Dublin, at a great 
 saving of purse and constitution. 
 
 Our sejour in Dublin was delightful ; for 
 in those days political agitation had not up- 
 set the country. Good-humour and hospital- 
 ity prevailed everpvhere, and we passed our 
 time in shooting, liunting, dining-out, and 
 play-going. The talented O'Neil, the inimi- 
 table William Farren, the buoyant Richard 
 Jones, were then acting at the Theatre 
 Royal ; where the performances were enli- 
 vened by the getting-up of that pantomime 
 of pantomimes "Mother Goose," in a man- 
 ner worthy of the London boards. But, as 
 the immortal bard writes — 
 
 " Pleasure and action make the hours seem short." 
 VOL. I. H
 
 146 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 The days now passed so rapidly, that we 
 were scarcely aware Ave had arrived at our 
 last week, until our attention was called to 
 our holiday-task. Our mornings were de- 
 voted to that, and we soon knocked off some 
 two-dozen barbarous Latin verses, rather of 
 the canine species. At last, Black-Monday 
 arrived, the day that was to make us turn 
 our backs upon " ould Ireland ;" never 
 before nor since were there two more misera- 
 ble absentees ; and, at a late hour, we started 
 for Kingstown, whence the packet Avas to sail 
 at midnight. 
 
 I pass over our passage and journey back. 
 Sick at heart, jaded in body, Avorn out in 
 spirits, Ave thought the weather colder, the 
 sea more agitated, the roads worse, the post- 
 boys sloAver; but "time and the hour," as 
 Alderson would have said, " runs through 
 the roughest day," and, at the end of a hun- 
 dred and twenty dull and dreary hours, Ave 
 found ourselves entering London from the 
 HounsloAv road. It was a cold, raw, drizzling 
 night, as we sloAvly drove down Grosvenor
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 147 
 
 Place, and through the dimly-lighted streets 
 that took us by Pimlico to Dean's Yard. 
 Here we were warmly welcomed back by 
 our particular cronies, whose holidays had 
 expired a week before ours ; which had been 
 extended in consequence of the distance from 
 London at which we had passed them. Our 
 heads and purses beingwell stocked, and filled 
 with adventures and money, rendered us 
 great objects of attraction and interest ; and 
 it was not until a very late hour that we 
 broke up from our supper- table, which had 
 been amply stored with the remains of the 
 provisions that we had brought with us from 
 Henley, where we had stopped to dinner. 
 A good night's rest entirely restored us, 
 both in mind and body ; and, having our 
 holiday's task neatly written out, and ample 
 funds to carry on the war, we entered the 
 old school with light and merry hearts. 
 
 We ought here, perhaps, to remind our 
 readers that we have omitted many minor 
 details connected with the changes time had 
 made in our respective stations in school. 
 
 h2
 
 148 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 Kirkonnel was now in the upper, I in the 
 under, fourth ; and we had both the gratifi- 
 cation of having fags, instead of being 
 fagged. As the period of our return was 
 what was called " a dull half," too cold and 
 wet for any but home and cloister amuse- 
 ments, we sought our fun abroad whenever 
 we could get out for a half or a whole 
 holiday. Sanders, the inimitable Billy, 
 soon found us out after our return, and was 
 as kind as ever ; informing us of a match 
 that was shortly to come off, and upon 
 which he stood a handsome sum. In the 
 event of his winning, he was to give a splen- 
 did dinner at the Clarendon Hotel. 
 
 On the following week (fortunately for 
 us a whole holiday) the event, which had 
 created so great a sensation in the sporting 
 world, from the aristocratic attender of 
 Tattersall's down to the ostler of the 
 " Coach and Horses," Flood Street, West- 
 minster, was decided. The bet was 500 to 
 300 guineas that Matt. Milton, the then
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 149 
 
 celebrated horse-dealer of Piccadilly, did not 
 ride from the corner of Dover Street, Lon- 
 don, to Stamford in Lincolnshire, in five 
 hours. The distance was rather more than 
 ninety miles; and was completed in four 
 hours and twenty-five minutes. As our 
 friend Matt, did not like to throw away a 
 chance, he immediately determined to put 
 up the horses that had accomplished this 
 feat at Aldridge's repository in St. Martin's 
 Lane ; and the proprietor of that establish- 
 ment immediately put forth a hand-bill in 
 rather the George Robins's style, ex. gr. : — 
 
 "Remarkably fast, well-bred hackneys. 
 To be sold by auction, on Wednesday, Jan- 
 uary, 9, 1811, at twelve o'clok, the following 
 well-known fast horses, in high condition, 
 that performed the match from London to 
 Stamford (a distance of ninety miles) in the 
 short space of four hours and twenty-four 
 minutes, carrying 15 stone." 
 
 The worthy auctioneer, we must here
 
 150 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 remark, cribbed a minute in favour of his 
 customer. He then proceeded to describe 
 them in the most glowing colours ; and 
 among them might be found " particularly 
 high leapers," " good hunters," " fast trot- 
 ters," " complete ladies' horses," "uncom- 
 monly speedy nags," " many of them well 
 known in Leicestershire," and all with 
 " peculiar fine action." One, by Schedoni, 
 " was offered by his late owner to gallop 
 twenty-five miles in one hour." As for 
 their pedigrees, all the best blood in 
 England seemed to have been diffused 
 amongst these celebrated horses ; for we read 
 of their descent from the Wellesley Arabian, 
 Hambletonian, Highflyer, Whiskey, Grey 
 Trentham, Screveton, Buzzard, Stamford, 
 Merlintor, Snap, Diomed, Hollyhock, Ver- 
 tumnus, &c. But, despite of all the " puffs 
 direct, preliminary, collateral, collusive, 
 oblique, or puff by implication," the public 
 would not be gulled, and the horses, 
 eighteen in number, only realized eight 
 hundred and twenty-three guineas ; an
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 151 
 
 average under forty seven guineas for these 
 wonderful, high bred cattle. 
 
 Milton was, at the period alluded to, 
 up to every sport; for, in the following 
 March, he was steward of a rat-race, held at 
 a public house in Shepherds' Market, where 
 four of these " varmin," decorated with 
 different coloured ribands, were started for 
 a sweepstakes, round the club-room, before 
 a host of sportsmen. This hero is stiU 
 alive ; and, as an active and intelligent man, 
 and an undeniably good judge of a horse, 
 we strongly recommend him to any of our 
 readers who may be in want of a park 
 hack, a roadster, a carriage. Brougham, cab 
 horse, or a pair of ponies. Poor Matt, "we 
 fear, is no longer Mat o' the Mint; but for 
 auld lang syne, having dealt wdth him in 
 bygone days, and having been always 
 fairly treated by him, we cannot resist this 
 humble but sincere eulogium upon the once 
 great master of the horse in Piccadilly. 
 
 It is the fashion to set down all horse- 
 dealers as sharpers and tricksters, and many
 
 152 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 deserve those appellations ; " but why," as 
 Major Sturgeon asks, " should all be con- 
 demned for the faults of Skfew ? " From my 
 own experience, I can aver that I have 
 dealt ^^^th ]\Iilton, the Elmores, Harris, 
 Anderson, and Tilbury ; and in the purchase 
 of some five-and-twenty horses, during the 
 last thirty years, I never had a " screw" 
 palmed off upon me, or had the slightest 
 difference with the seller. One circumstance 
 happened to myself, which, had it befallen 
 a horse-dealer, would have probably da- 
 maged him not a little both in pocket and 
 character. On rejoining my regiment in 
 1818, Harris, who suppUed the troop horses, 
 sent me up a first charger ; he was unani- 
 mously approved of, and I purchased him 
 for 100 guineas. 
 
 Within two months, I embarked for 
 Canada : and my horse, who had never 
 been out of the riding-master's charge, was 
 sold to a brother officer. In less than three 
 weeks, he caught cold and died. I ought to 
 add that, up to the period when I was ordered
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 153 
 
 abroad, I bad refused twenty-five pounds 
 for my bargain, so much was this horse 
 estimated in the regiment. When it was 
 kno\vn that I was obliged to sell off my 
 stud, the charger in question was snapped 
 up at the original price, 100 guineas. Now, 
 had it happened that he had died within 
 six weeks of my original purchase, I fear 
 I should have given way to all sorts of 
 anathemas against the horse-dealing frater- 
 nity, and probably should have called in the 
 assistance of the " gentlemen of the long 
 robe," as the newspapers designate them. 
 One exception I could make in the honesty 
 of dealers ; but, as the individual I allude 
 to was and is in obscurity, I shall pass him 
 over with the remark, that in his case he 
 has found to his cost that "dishonesty is the 
 worst policy." 
 
 Billy Sanders, who, to use his own ex- 
 pression, was " down upon everything," 
 had, since his wager of 100 guineas upon 
 Milton, which he won, become quite a 
 sporting " gent." He made a book for 
 
 H 3
 
 154 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 the " Derb}'," patronized the " One Tun" 
 in Jerinyn-street, and attended Tattersall's 
 on the Mondays. It was through Billy's 
 instrumentality that Kirkonnel and myself 
 first got initiated into all the tricks and 
 technicalities of the chaunters, and we trust 
 that the recital of some of them may put 
 our young and unwary readers upon their 
 guard against the rascalities of these the 
 lowest grades of horse-dealers. "Bishopping " 
 is one of the most common of their devices, 
 and has the power of transmogrifying an old 
 one into a young one. It is accomplished 
 by filing the tusks and teeth of an aged 
 horse to a moderate length, and burning hol- 
 lows in the teeth that have lost their marks, 
 which are afterwards darkened with caustic. 
 To convert a broken-winded horse into an ap- 
 parently sound one, requires some preparation. 
 At first, the animal must be put through a 
 course of physic; then he must be fed on 
 mashes and green meat; and finally, upon the 
 day he is to be " trotted out," hog's-lard and 
 hellebore must be plentifully administered.
 
 rERCY HAMILTON. 155 
 
 By these means, a " roarer " is passed off as 
 a sound horse, and warranted " (Undeniably 
 fast — no run too long for him." " Diamond- 
 ing," or " beaning," is the art of making a 
 horse that is lame upon one leg pass oif as 
 a sound horse. The operation is performed 
 by placing a small pebble, or bean, un- 
 der the shoe of the sound foot. This 
 makes the animal go equally lame upon both 
 feet, and the purchaser is told that " the 
 rascal of a smith has pinched him in shoe- 
 ing," or, " that he has an odd way of going, 
 but that, in fact, he is as sound as a bell." 
 There are a variety of other tricks and 
 " dodges " practised by the London chaun- 
 ters, who will, to use their own phraseology, 
 " drive a screw," " hook a gudgeon," " muff 
 a soft one," by palming off lame and broken- 
 winded animals with splints, ring-bones, 
 spavins, speedy cuts, thorough pins, thrushes, 
 sand-cracks, curbs and corns, as sound and 
 valuable horses. 
 
 To those, therefore, who wish to be fairly 
 treated, let me offer a warning against horses
 
 156 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 advertised in the newspapers, without the 
 real and responsible owner can be got at. 
 The system of chaunting both horses and 
 carriages is now carried on to an alarming 
 extent. Every species of " screw " is held 
 out as a first-rate animal ; and old, crazy 
 vehicles, newly done up and varnished, are 
 puffed off as the properties of a gentleman 
 going abroad, or a widow. A horse, harness, 
 and Brougham, bought in this way a bargain, 
 for 110 guineas ! turn out, after a day's trial, 
 not to be worth a tenth part of that sum. 
 The animal is probably spavined and glan- 
 dered, the harness nearly worn out, and the 
 carriao^e a condemned street Brouo-ham.newlv 
 painted. In conclusion, let us advise those 
 who are in want of a good turn-out to go to 
 some respectable dealer and first-rate coach- 
 maker ; and, in the long run, the purchaser 
 will find that the cheapest articles are not 
 always the best.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 157 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 "Be it a weakness, it deserves some praise — 
 We love the play-place of our early days ; 
 The scene is touching, and the heart is stone 
 That feels not at that sight, and feels at none." 
 
 COWPEK. 
 
 Cricket— The annual match at Westminster between the 
 Town boys and King scholars — Sports of the Greenwich 
 pensioners — The one-legged players are stumped out by 
 the one-armed veterans — Curious performance of a canine 
 member of Lord's : " The dog will have his day " — A 
 visit to Jackson's sparring-rooms — The late Marquis of 
 Hertford — Byron: "The bard more fat than bard be- 
 comes " — Fete at Vauxhall— The Dean's Yard Magazine 
 — Extraordmary duel in high life — Song : " Keady 
 Rhino ; or, the face of our King is the picture for me.' 
 
 Our different modes of escape from 
 Mother Pack's were worthy of Jack Shep- 
 pard. We scaled the walls, and let our- 
 selves do^^Tl from the first floor by the
 
 158 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 lamp-irons ; but tliese were attended witli 
 risk and danger. At length, we hit upon a 
 scheme that was safer, and did not en- 
 danger our limbs. Upon half holidays we 
 were lodged up in our dame's homes from 
 two o'clock until five. Often had we plan- 
 ned modes of emancipation ; and at last a 
 briUiant idea came across our minds. It 
 was our tutor's duty to call over the names 
 of the boys the moment the doors were 
 closed, and during that period the ante- 
 room to Dr. Dodd's sanctorum was left un- 
 tenanted. The windows opened to the 
 front ; and, no sooner had we answered the 
 " roll call " than we walked into the afore- 
 said room, quietly letting ourselves down 
 into the area, and climbing from the further 
 end of it over the iron raiUngs into Dean's 
 Yard, always taking the precaution of leaving 
 acomradein the housekeeper's room to divert 
 her attention from the window, which com- 
 manded a view of our movements. Upon 
 one occasion, West End fair tempted us to 
 play truants ; and Kirkonnel, Paddy Ma-
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 159 
 
 hony, and myself, succeeded in absenting 
 ourselves, unseen, from our dames. 
 
 We had reached Tottenham Court Road, 
 where we booked three outside places, and, 
 just as we were ascending Hampstead Hill, 
 who should appear but Page, the under 
 master, taking a constitutional walk. 
 
 " Page ! " exclaimed the lynx-eyed Emer- 
 alder. In a second, we all three fell back 
 on the roof of the coach, hiding our faces 
 with our hands, and committing that gross 
 act of ostrichism of fancying, because we 
 could not see that we escaped observation. 
 Page could not have failed to have noticed 
 so strange a phenomenon as three boys 
 falling back as if shot, and, very quietly 
 taking out his tablets, made an entry of our 
 names. The prospect of a " four cutter " 
 the following morning did not take away 
 from our dehghts of the fair, and upon our re- 
 turn we ascertained that neither our tutor nor 
 dame had missed us. This was some little 
 comfort, as we were particularly desirous 
 that our mode of escape should at least go
 
 160 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 undiscovered. The following morning, a 
 conference took place between Messrs. Page 
 and Dodd, which ended in a practical illus- 
 tration, with " cuts,'' of the folly of " spoil- 
 ing the child " by " sparing the rod." 
 
 As the spring approached, the fine, manly, 
 and thoroughly English game of cricket 
 commenced, and Kirkonnel and myself were 
 chosen among the eleven of the town boys 
 who, in a few weeks, were to contest for the 
 palm of victory with an equal number of 
 the King's scholars. The greatest excite- 
 ment prevailed throughout the boarding- 
 houses and college with respect to this an- 
 nual trial of skill, and the utmost esprit de 
 corps filled the breast of each youthful com- 
 petitor. Every leisure moment was devoted 
 to practice, and as much interest was ex- 
 cited amongst the old Westminsters as 
 amono;st those at that time on the books of 
 the school. 
 
 The morning at last arrived, and having 
 mustered our forces in the playground 
 (TothiU Fields) we proceeded to toss up
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 161 
 
 for the first innings ; we lost the toss, and 
 a shout from the " tugmuttons " put us on 
 our mettle as two of our best men ! went 
 in. The batting and fielding during the 
 first innings were extremely good, and our 
 scores were nearly equal, the King's scho- 
 lars being five ahead. Half-an-hour was 
 now allowed for refreshments, when unfor- 
 tunately for our side a troop of old West- 
 minsters had insisted upon standing some 
 champagne ; the question was put to the 
 vote whether we should reserve the spark- 
 ling liquid until the match was over, or 
 quaff it on the moment. Influenced by the 
 fatigue and heat of a long hard morning's 
 work, the proposition for immediate con- 
 sumption was carried by a large majority, 
 and Frank Alderson and the Hoaxer, who 
 had assisted in keeping the ground fi-om the 
 incursion of the " skies," now acted as but- 
 lers, and drew the well- waxed and fastened 
 corks. 
 
 " Fill the cup, and let it come, 
 I'll pledge you a mile to the bottom,"
 
 162 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 spouted tlie stage-struck hero, as he filled 
 our tumblers Avith Moet's best. The effect 
 that was produced upon us, albeit we were 
 as sober as judges, was fatal to our side, 
 which were now to go in ; the juice of the 
 grape had so exhilarated our batsmen, that 
 they hit right and left at every ball, and al- 
 though in some instances they got some 
 " SA^apers," viz., three, four, and five runs, 
 upon the whole, they could not stand against 
 the sharp bowling of their adversaries. With 
 the fieldsmen, the effect was different : they 
 stopped balls which in their sober senses 
 they might have shrunk from ; their legs 
 seemed to have attained increased celerity 
 and their arms renewed vigour, and so won- 
 derful was their prowess that our eleven 
 wickets went down (many from being run 
 out, a few caught, and the rest bowled out) 
 for only twenty-nine runs. The caps and 
 gowns now went in, and the fumes of the 
 champagne having entirely evaporated, their 
 steady play soon produced them twenty-five 
 runs, with only one wicket down. Our
 
 PEECY HAMILTON. 163 
 
 respective scores were now declared as 
 follows : — 
 
 TO^VN BOYS. 
 
 First innings 49 
 
 Second do 29 
 
 Total . . 78 
 
 king's scholars. 
 
 First innings 54 
 
 Second do 25 
 
 Total . . 79 
 
 Dinner was now announced in a large 
 marquee erected for the purpose. After 
 the usual loyal toasts were disposed of, 
 " Success to Westminster," " The Winners," 
 " The Losers," " The Umpires," were pro- 
 posed, and done due honour to. Lots of 
 speechifying took place, some bacchanalian 
 songs were sung, a considerable quantity of 
 old port was " drunk on the premises," as
 
 164 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 were many of those who imbibed it, and 
 truth compels us to admit that headache and 
 heart-burn wound up the festivities of this 
 all important day. 
 
 AYhile upon the subject of cricket, we 
 cannot refrain from laying before our read- 
 ers the account of two curious matches 
 that came off during the period we were at 
 Westminster, and which created considera- 
 ble sensation at the time. The first was, 
 according to the chroniclers of the day, for 
 a thousand guineas, and took place at Mont- 
 pellier Gardens, Walworth, between the one- 
 armed and one-legged pensioners of Green- 
 wich Hospital. The sport created much 
 diversion, as several lost or broke their 
 wooden walls. The following is the return 
 of the mutilated match : — 
 
 ONE-ARMED PLATERS. 
 
 First innings 20 
 
 Second do 65 
 
 Third do 32 
 
 Total . . 117
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 165 
 
 ONE-LEGGED PLAYERS. 
 
 First innings 31 
 
 Second do 25 
 
 Third do 21 
 
 Total . . 77 
 
 As soon as the umpires declared the 
 match to be in favour of the "fewest Aa7zc?5," 
 the winners drove off to Greenwich in a 
 triumphal car, ornamented with flags, 
 banners, and laurel leaves, laughing (we 
 presume) "in their (empty) sleeves" at the 
 discomfiture of their one-legged fraternity. 
 The losers speedily followed them, and con- 
 soled themselves with "splicing the main- 
 brace" with prog and grog that had not 
 undergone the scrutiny of the purser, and 
 which left them (to follow out the nautical 
 metaphor) " three sheets in the wind." 
 
 The other was between Lord Charles Kerr 
 and J. Cock, Esq., jun., to play a game of 
 cricket — his lordship backing his servant, 
 James Bridger, and his water spaniel
 
 166 
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 " Drake," against Mr. Cock with Mr. 
 Wetherell. The match, which was for 50 
 guineas a-side, was played at Holt Pond 
 cricketing ground, near Farnham, Surrey. 
 The post assigned to Drake was that of 
 fagging out for the ball, the only way in- 
 deed in which his services could be rendered 
 available ; but, as he always caught it at the 
 first bound, he proved himself quite as good 
 a fieldsman as many a biped would have 
 done. The following was the result of the 
 game : — 
 
 J. Bridger 
 Drake . . 
 
 FIRST INNINGS. 
 
 Lord C. Kerr. 
 50 caught out by J. Cock. 
 instead of " not out," we 
 may say " never in." 
 
 J. Cock, Esq. 
 J. Cock . . 6 caught by J. Bridger. 
 W. Wetherell run out by Drake. 
 
 Mr. Cock then turned " shy," and gave up
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 1G7 
 
 the match. The way in which the canine 
 member of Lord's ran Wetherell out was 
 this : Wetherell hit the ball smartly for a 
 run, but Drake played across the ball so much 
 faster than the former expected, stopped it 
 so well, and delivered it so quickly to his 
 partner Bridger, that Wetherell' s stumps 
 went down without a run. 
 
 I have already alluded to a boy of the 
 name of Tarleton, who was my unrelenting 
 foe, and whose domineering spirit broke out 
 on every occasion. At last my temper could 
 no longer brook his conduct, and when, out 
 of pure spite, he blotted my " part book," I 
 plucked up a spirit, for he was a much 
 bigger fellow, and gave him " a facer." 
 " Will you fight ?" said the bully, delighted 
 at the prospect of gi\ang me a good licking. 
 I held out my hand, not, as my readers may 
 suppose, amicably, but to " cut hands," the 
 "gage" of accepting his challenge to the 
 pugilistic encounter. " After four," we met 
 in the arena devoted to the Westminster 
 combats and gymnastics, within the cloisters
 
 168 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 of the ancient Abbey. We stripped to the 
 waist, threAv up our hats, and put ourselves 
 into attitudes. Tarleton had but a shght 
 knowledge of sparring, but was a hard hitter. 
 He rushed in at once, like an infuriated 
 bull, but I met him with a right hand blow 
 that, to use the language of the ring, drew 
 the "first claret," and "floored" him. Kir- 
 konnel, who acted as my second, gave me a 
 knee, and urged me to carry on the same 
 defensive plan ; but my opponent having re- 
 ceived the same advice, stood on his guard, 
 and, waiting his opportunity, returned my 
 blow with double interest, and fell upon me. 
 Every round was now in his favour; and 
 again, to adopt the phraseology of the fancy, 
 it was Windsor Park to a lark's turf, the 
 Crystal Palace to a cucumber frame, upon 
 him. At last I got so tremendously punished 
 by " un punzone in su la testa!'' — Anglice, " a 
 punch on the head," that the lookers-on in- 
 terfered, and put an end to the fight. On 
 returning to my dame's house, I found that 
 Tarleton had done terrible execution upon
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 169 
 
 my visage. Mrs. Packharness paid me a 
 friendly visit ; she was a lady of few words ; 
 when she saw my torn habiliments, the ruby 
 stream flowing from my nasal organ, now 
 swollen to " a bridge of sighs," and my right 
 optic in an eclipse, she shook her antediluvian 
 high-crowned cap, started, stared amazingly, 
 and uttered, " Who would have thought it ? 
 Tarleton's a head taller." The housekeeper 
 now entered with bandages and fomenta- 
 tions ; and, under her care, I was soon re- 
 stored to comfort. Just after five, I was 
 surprised by a visit from my former master, 
 Merston, whose severities in figging I have 
 already alluded to. " Well," said he, shak- 
 ing me cordially by the hand, " you fought 
 bravely, although you were licked, but you 
 seem severely punished." My arm was in 
 a sling, and a raw piece of beef was applied 
 to my eye. " Here, I've brought you some 
 books and oranges," continued my early tor- 
 mentor ; " when you are better, I'll take you 
 to Jackson's ; a few lessons ^\t.11 make you a 
 match for that ' chuck,' Tarleton." Uy gra- 
 
 VOL. I. I
 
 170 PERCY HAillLTON. 
 
 titude was unbounded ; from that time, we 
 became staunch friends; and, when I recover- 
 ed we went, accompanied by my inseparable 
 Kirkonnel, to the rooms of the late John 
 Jackson, Esq., in Bond-street. 
 
 It was about this period that tho question 
 of forming a society to be called " The 
 Pugilistic Club " was first agitated, and upon 
 the occasion I allude to, a large party of the 
 elite of fashionable amateurs, and a strong 
 muster of " professionals " were assembled 
 to discuss the rules and regulations that 
 were to govern the P.O. Bill Gibbons, who 
 was about to be appointed Commissary- Gene- 
 ral to the " Fancy," and who, to use his own 
 phraseology, saw that " we were troubled 
 vAth. the shies," as we quietly sneaked, rather 
 than walked, into the room, quickly ap- 
 proached us, and presented us to the owner 
 of the rooms as "two wide-awake young 
 Westminster varmint, up to any lark, from a 
 duck-hunt in the ' five fields,' Chelsea, to a 
 mill at Moulsey Hurst." Jackson was all 
 kindness and urbanity, and pointed out to
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 171 
 
 US some of the heroes of the ring — Tom 
 Crib, the Belchers', Oliver, Shaw the Life 
 Guardsman, and the two blacks, Richmond 
 and Molineux. 
 
 After a few " sets to " between some of 
 the hrst-rate men, Kirkonnel, who was one 
 of our best fighters in Dean's Yard, put on 
 the gloves with Jackson ; and, for the honour 
 of Westminster, I am proud to record that 
 his prowess drew down the warmest eulo- 
 giums from that respected man, and the 
 distinguished amateurs and professionals 
 present. " Well done, young one," said a 
 portly -looking man, with a countenance very 
 like that of "bluff King Hal;" " I never 
 saw a better judge of distance, a straighter 
 or a quicker hitter ; a few lessons from our 
 friend Jackson vnll make you the champion 
 of the light weights." Then, slipping a couple 
 of guineas into his hand, the noble lord (for 
 it was the late Marquis of Hertford, at that 
 time Lord Yarmouth) begged to be intro- 
 duced to me, and asking kindly after my 
 father, who was one of his earliest friends, 
 
 I 2
 
 172 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 iuquired into our Westminster life, and 
 which I flatter myself I responded to in such 
 a graphic style as to mn " golden opinions" 
 from him, for he presented me with a sum 
 that made me for the moment a forty- shilling 
 freeholder. He then promised Kirkonnel 
 and myself tickets for the approaching fete 
 that was shortly to take place at YauxhaU, 
 in celebration of the battle of Vittoria. 
 
 During the afternoon, and as the rooms 
 were thinning, a young man about five-and- 
 twenty years of age, made his appearance ; 
 there was something so striking in his look, 
 so noble in his air, so intellectual in his 
 countenance, and so thorough -bred in his 
 manner, that we were all anxiety to know 
 who the new comer was. In height, he was 
 about five feet eight inches and a half; his 
 light grey eyes were full of expression, and, 
 as I shortly A^^tnessed, could well pourtray 
 joy, sadness, anger, and rage ; his mouth 
 and chin were exquisitely fine, his head and 
 ears small, with a high narrow forehead ; 
 his fine, glossy dark bro^\m curls clustering
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 173 
 
 over his head, contrasted well with his 
 colourless complexion ; his teeth were pearly 
 white, and regular. 
 
 " Come, Jack," said the young pupil ; 
 " we must have a set-to to-day. I have not 
 yet recovered my yesterday's dinner and 
 the party of purple I had at the Blue 
 authoress's." 
 
 " You look rather jaded, my lord," re- 
 sponded the corporeal pastor. 
 
 " Up till past two at Cribb's," continued 
 the new comer ; " Tom was facetious, but 
 somewhat prolix. I promised Huntley to 
 support him in the chair, then at work with 
 those awful rhymes till matin bells — 
 
 ' Company, villanous company hath been the spoil of me.' 
 
 But where are the gloves?" 
 
 " Here, my lord," responded the instructor. 
 As they were handed to him, and as his 
 lordship moved across the room, we could 
 not fail to remark that he laboured under a 
 slight lameness, which he tried to conceal.
 
 174 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 The look of scornliil rage which he gave us 
 as he fancied we remarked this deformity, 
 was instantaneously changed for the most 
 kind and Avinning smile, when he heard 
 Kirkonnel ask me, sotto voce^ " whether I had 
 ever seen so handsome a face, or so aristocratic 
 a hand." Who in this impetuous aspirant 
 for fistic honours, who in this modern 
 Corinthian, could have recognised that noble 
 bard, that poet of the passions, who a few 
 weeks before had published the " Giaour," 
 a poem Avhich entirely sustained the im- 
 pression created by the two first cantos of 
 " Childe Harold," and which fully merited 
 the eulogiums passed uj^on it by the critic ? 
 — " The thirty-five lines beginning — 
 
 ' He who hath bent him o'er the dead,' 
 
 are so beautiful, so original, and so utterly 
 beyond the reach of any one whose poetical 
 genius was not very decided and very rich, 
 that they alone were sufiicient to secure 
 celebrity to this poem." It was at this
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 175 
 
 period that " the internal tempest, the deep 
 passion, sometimes buried, and sometimes 
 blazing from some incidental touch — the 
 intensity of agonizing reflection which dis- 
 tinguished Bp'on from other writers — now 
 began to display themselves." Who that 
 saw the gay and buoyant spirits of the young 
 enthusiast, now singing snatches of flash 
 songs, now giving a vivid description of 
 Bellingham's execution, now asking after the 
 heroes of the ring, now describing the tiger's 
 supper at Exeter Change, now telling some 
 piquant story of the aristocratic houses in 
 which he had been lionized, now full of some 
 theatrical or other scandal, now extempo- 
 rizing a couplet to that emperor of pugilism 
 " Jackson the brave," could believe him to 
 be the author of those beautiful lines, which 
 he shortly afterwards gave to the public ? — 
 
 " When from the heart where sorrow sits, 
 Her dusky shadow mounts too high, 
 And o'er the changing aspect flits, 
 And clouds the brow, or fills the eye, 
 Heed not that gloom wliich soon shall sink; 
 My thoughts tlieir dungeon know too well ;
 
 176 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 Back to my breast the wanderers shrink, 
 And droop within then* sUent cell." 
 
 "Xow Jackson," continued Byron, "we 
 must have a regular bout to-day ; I must 
 reduce my weight ; two hours' sparring, 
 to be followed by a regular Banyan day — 
 tea and dry biscuits — 
 
 ' Fat paunches have lean pates, and dainty bits 
 Make rich tlie ribs, but bankrupt quite the wits.' 
 
 Eh, Jack ?" 
 
 The master of the art gave a tacit acknow- 
 ledgment to the proposition, and wliile pre- 
 paring the mufflers the pupil continued — 
 
 " My head aches Avith the vantage of 
 various cellars, and my brains are as thick 
 and muddled as their dregs. The ' potations 
 pottle deep ' of Claret have quite upset me. 
 I brought away three bottles of famous wine 
 last night ; besides, I have fed like the dra- 
 gon of Wantley for the last ten days, and 
 until I can get upon the old regime^ a whi- 
 ting and a pint of Bucellas, I shall neither 
 be able to scribble, spar, nor place a bullet
 
 PERCY HA]\nLTON. 177 
 
 within ten inches of the bull's-eye ; my hand 
 shakes like an aspen leaf (and here the poet 
 took off one of the gloves, and showed one of 
 the smallest and whitest hands I ever saw, and 
 which he seemed most particularly proud 
 of). Besides, I'm getting as fat as a second 
 Daniel Lambert — ' Oh, that this too solid 
 flesh would melt !' Now, shake hands, and 
 let me try the effect of a right and left 
 hander." 
 
 Throwing himself into an attitude, the 
 young nobleman showed some scientific 
 sparring, was evidently a sharp hitter, and 
 possessed what the thimble-riggers call " a 
 quick hye and a good hobserwation." 
 
 After the first set-to, Byi-on having ascer- 
 tained that we were Westminster's, talked 
 most affably to us, described his prowess at 
 Harrow, asked after Bill Gibbons, lauded 
 Tothill fields and its fair, and ended by 
 offering us tickets for the approaching fete 
 at VauxhaU. We thanked him with all the 
 warmth of schoolboys, and told him we had 
 already received a promise from Lord Yar- 
 
 i3
 
 178 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 mouth. We then took our leave, and 
 could talk of nothing but Childe Byron for 
 the next month. 
 
 From that period until the present I have 
 ever felt the gi'eatest respect for the ill-fated 
 poet. True he had his faults, and who is 
 without them ? Among those who have 
 done justice to his memory may be men- 
 tioned the Duchesse d'Abrantes : there 
 is much truth in the foUomng remarks 
 which I have taken the liberty of translating 
 from excellent French into moderate English, 
 leaving the word mechant to be Anglicised 
 by my readers — wicked is too strong a term ; 
 mischievous and larking too mild : — 
 
 " He was after all much more human and 
 less demoniac than the world believed him 
 to be. No, I do not believe that Lord 
 Byron was half as bad as they made him 
 out ; moreover, I think that he was made 
 mechant^ but that he was not so by nature." 
 
 Soured by a deformity in his limbs, and 
 neglected by those who ought to have guided 
 his youthful course, he became reckless and
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 179 
 
 indifferent to the world's good opinion ; the 
 incense and flattery that were heaped upon 
 him, when, to use one of his own expressions, 
 "he awoke and found himself famous," 
 might have turned a wiser head than his, 
 while the venomous attacks that were oftener 
 levelled against him were calculated to har- 
 den him. Poor Byron ! with all thy faults, 
 I love thee still. Peace to thy manes ! 
 
 During the rest of the " half," I continued 
 my visits to Jackson's rooms, and became 
 a tolerable good sparrer. My fight with 
 Tarleton had gained me the respect of my 
 associates — I had lost a battle, but achieved 
 a reno^^^l ; and my school life was tranquil 
 ever after. 
 
 The evening for the grand fete arrived, 
 and never shall 1 forget my first visit to the 
 gardens, which, upon the occasion I allude 
 to, was the scene of one of the grandest fes- 
 tivals that ever took place in the royal pro- 
 perty. So greatly had the public expecta- 
 tion been excited, that fifteen pounds were 
 offered for a single ticket. It required then
 
 ISO PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 a most virtuous resolution upon the part of 
 Kirkonnel and myself to prevent our con- 
 verting the pieces of pasteboard into a 
 thirty pound note; but respect for the 
 donor, and the " still small voice of con- 
 science" pointing out the truth of the old 
 proverb anent honesty, drove the idea from 
 our minds. 
 
 At four o'clock, the doors were thrown 
 open, and a most splendid scene presented 
 itself. The whole of the covered buildings, 
 with the addition of a temporary saloon, 
 were converted into dining rooms. The 
 Rotunda held the table of the late Duke of 
 York, as President. This table was raised 
 on a platform some feet from the ground, so 
 as to be seen through the whole range of the 
 halls; it formed a crescent: two lines of 
 tables were placed do^\Ti the length of the 
 saloon, and smaller ones occupied the va- 
 cant spaces. This temporary room was sin- 
 gularly beautiful; it occupied a large space, 
 interspersed with trees, the branches of which 
 had been made the supports of a canopy of
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 181 
 
 British, Spanish, and Portuguese flags and 
 banners. At five o'clock, the military bands 
 in the gardens struck up the " Duke of 
 York's March," and the stewards, who were 
 distinguished from the rest of the company 
 by wearing white ribbons ornamented with 
 laurel leaves, went to receive his Royal 
 Highness. In a few minutes after, he en- 
 tered, accompanied by the late Dukes of 
 Kent, Sussex, and Gloucester. Dinner was 
 then announced, which, with the exception 
 of that occidental luxury turtle-soup, was 
 entirely cold. 
 
 When the whole company, which consisted 
 of more than twelve hundred, had taken their 
 seats, the coup cVoeil was truly beautiful. The 
 orchestra, which had been converted into a 
 tent, was hung with flags, laurels, and festoons 
 of flowers , the interior was ornamented with 
 massive gold and silver plate, with the bust 
 of Wellington on a pedestal at the summit, 
 and at the foot the baton of Marshal Jour- 
 dan, which had been taken in the battle ; 
 two trumpeters stood forward from the pile,
 
 182 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 and between tbem a grenadier of the Guards 
 held the standard of the 100th French regi- 
 ment of the line. All the company appeared 
 in military or naval uniform, or full dress, 
 with the exception of two urchins, (one of 
 whom the reader will probably recognise as 
 the writer of this,) and who both tried to look 
 like young middies, ^\T.th their blue jackets, 
 white waistcoats and trousers. The conclu- 
 sion of the dinner was announced by a flou- 
 rish of trumpets, when Non nobis Domine 
 was admirably sung by the professional 
 singers. The usual toasts were given, and 
 received with due honours ; but, when the 
 royal president proposed the health of 
 " Field Marshal the Marquis of Wellington," 
 the assemblage rose at once, and gave nine 
 such hearty cheers, that proved how much 
 they valued the great ser^nces and splendid 
 victories of their warrior countryman. 
 
 The late Duke of Gordon, then Marquis 
 of Huntley, presided in the temporary 
 saloon, and it was my good fortune to be 
 placed near that popular nobleman. No-
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 183 
 
 thing could exceed his good humour, hilarity, 
 and joyousness : he literally kept the table 
 in a roar, by flashes of mirth and merri- 
 ment. At nine o'clock, the ladies began to 
 arrive, but as there were no "police" in 
 those days, and as " like master, like man," 
 the coachmen had been drinking the health 
 of the hero of the day, there was a con- 
 siderable delay, and as good a night's work 
 for the coachmakers, by the breaking of 
 poles and panels, as the most voracious of 
 that class could have required; it was 
 nearly eleven o'clock before all the company 
 had been set down, and at that hour the 
 Princess of Wales made her appearance, 
 and was hailed with the loudest greetings. 
 
 The general effect of the gardens was 
 now magnificent, and gave one the idea of 
 a scene in a fairy tale. The facades of all 
 the buildings and the colonnades were 
 ornamented with variegated lamps, ex- 
 pressing the names of those officers who 
 had distinguished themselves in the Penin- 
 sula, and the places where the British arms
 
 184 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 had been victorious. At the back of the 
 orchestra was a portrait of Wellington, 
 receiving from a soldier the baton of the 
 French Marshal. The fineness of the 
 weather, the profuse blaze of lights, the 
 uniforms of the guests, and last, not least, 
 the beauty of our fair countrywomen, all 
 combined, rendered this national fete one of 
 the most brilliant entertainments ever given 
 in England. 
 
 Return we to Westminster, where, to 
 adopt a foreign phrase, we pavotieggiarsed 
 ourselves not a little at having been 
 introduced to the late Duke of York, and 
 his illustrious brothers, at the Vittoria 
 festival. 
 
 At this period, a few of our form started 
 a periodical work for private circulation 
 only, entitled " The Dean's Yard Magazine," 
 and consisting of tales of fiction, narratives 
 founded on facts, poetry, and songs. From 
 this more scarce than valuable production I 
 extract a story, which may not be unin- 
 teresting to the reader; as also a song,
 
 PEECY HAMILTON. 185 
 
 which we venture to prophecy ere long ^vill 
 be, attached to some popular melody, and, 
 when warbled by that first -rate singer and 
 actor, Mr Paul Bedford, will become as 
 great a favourite, and be as much organized 
 as any " JoUy Nose," or " Fake-away" ditty 
 of the day. 
 
 THE AERIAL DUELLO, 
 
 (founded on fact.) 
 
 Extracted from the Deaiis Yard Magazine, MS- 
 
 " A very novel species of duel lately took 
 place in Paris. Monsieur de Granprce and 
 ]\Ionsieur Le Pique having quarrelled about 
 Mademoiselle Tirevit, a celebrated opera- 
 dancer, a challenge ensued. Being both 
 men of elevated minds, they agreed to fight 
 in balloons, and in order to give time for 
 their preparation the duel was postponed 
 for a month. On the 3rd of May, the parties 
 met in a field adjoining the TuiUeries, where 
 their respective balloons were ready to re- 
 ceive them. Each, attended by a second, 
 ascended his car, loaded with blunderbusses,
 
 186 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 as pistols could not be expected to be effi- 
 cient in their probably distant situations. 
 [What a pity Warner's long range had not 
 then been invented, as it would have been 
 a glorious trial for it !] A gTcat multitude 
 attended, hearing of the balloons, but little 
 dreaming of their purpose. The Pnrisians 
 merely looked for the novelty of a race in 
 the skies. At nine o'clock, the cords were 
 cut, and the aerial machines ascended majes- 
 tically, amidst the shouts of the spectators. 
 The wind was moderate, blowing from the 
 N.N.W., and they kept as far as could be 
 judged about eighty yards of each other. 
 When they had mounted to the height of 
 about 900 yards, M. le Pique fired his piece 
 ineffectually ; almost immediately after, the 
 fire was returned by M. Granpree, and 
 penetrated his adversary's balloon, the con- 
 sequence of whicli was its rapid descent, and 
 M. le Pique and his second were both dashed 
 to pieces on a house-top, over which the 
 balloon fell. The victorious Granpree then 
 mounted aloft in the grandest style, and
 
 PERCY H a:\iilton. 187 
 
 descended safely with his second about 
 seven leagues from the spot of ascension." 
 
 The song (whether original or otherwise 
 we know not), was entitled 
 
 KEADY RHINO ; or, THE FACE OF OUR KING IS 
 THE PICTURE FOR ME ! 
 
 No man I e'er knew, 
 Tiu'k, Christian or Jew, 
 The rhino to touch was not willing ; 
 But when I may Jake 
 My choice as to make, 
 With guineas my purse I'm for filling ! 
 For of all the good-looking old pictures I see, 
 The face of our king is the picture for me ! 
 
 The French Louis-d'or — 
 
 No, that is no more — 
 Clipped close by a counterfeit scraper ; 
 
 And though li\Tes big sound, 
 
 They're but ten-pence a pound, 
 And never are seen but on paper. 
 
 The pistole of Spain 
 
 Is mere flash in the pan, 
 Then* dollars Jack Tar kindly cozens ; 
 
 Search the continent down, 
 
 You'll not find an old crown, 
 But new ones and brass ones by dozens ! 
 
 Louis, livres, 
 
 Florin, stivers. 
 
 Great doubloon, 
 
 Ducatoon,
 
 188 PERCY HA^IILTON. 
 
 Grand Ecu, 
 Little sous, 
 
 Piatole, 
 
 Mark-pistole, 
 
 All are ninnies, 
 
 To old guineas ; 
 For of all the good-looking old pictures I see, 
 The face of our king is the picture for me. 
 
 How prophetic have the lines proved — 
 
 " Search the continent down. 
 You'll not find an old Crotvn."
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 189 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 " And the very next night at the Adelphi he was seen." 
 Fkom the MS. Song of the " Uog's Meat Man." 
 
 The Westminster Play — The Strand Adelphi v. the Adelphi 
 of Terence — Absent without leave — A treacherous friend 
 — Barclay, of Ure — Modern and ancient Pedestrians. 
 
 The next event that was to come off at 
 Westminster was the annual performance of 
 one of Terence's plays. The theatre, which 
 was fitted up in the dormitory of the King's 
 Scholars, possessed scenery which had been 
 presented to the school by William Mark- 
 ham, Archbishop of York, and which had 
 been prepared under the direction of 
 Grarrick. In those days, the dresses 
 of the actors were calculated to throw an
 
 190 PERCr HAMILTON. 
 
 air of ridicule upon the performances; for, 
 instead of the present classical costumes, 
 which, thanks to the exertions of the poet 
 and dramatist Talfourd, have lately been 
 introduced, the characters appeared in mo- 
 dern attire, the old men wearing the pow- 
 dered bag -wigs and court-dresses of the 
 reign of George II. ; the young men strut- 
 ting about the streets of Athens in the 
 gear of Bond-street loungers of five-and- 
 thirty years ago; the servants adopting 
 their finery from the representatives of My 
 Lord Duhe^ in " High Life below Stairs," or 
 Trip^ in the " School for Scandal ; " the old 
 ladies equipped in brocades, starched collars, 
 high-heeled shoes, and grizzled perukes; and 
 the younger ones flaunting about in silks, 
 satins, lace, and auburn locks, evidently 
 copied from the latest number of " La Belle 
 AssemhUe " or " Polite Bepository " of that 
 day. No sooner were the days fixed for 
 the first, second, and third representations, 
 than every boy in the school set his wits to 
 work to procure tickets for his friends.
 
 PERCY HAJQLTOX. 191 
 
 Kirkonnel and myself were fortunate enough 
 to get the promise of two for the hist per- 
 formance, which was considered the best; 
 and we lost no time in writins^ to our dra- 
 matic patrons, Frank Alderson and Billy 
 Sanders, to invite them upon this occasion. 
 The reply of the former on behalf of his 
 friend and himself was to the followin<r 
 effect : — 
 
 " All fortune to the good Packharnessites" " You must 
 needs dine with me." " As soon as dinner's o'er we'll forth " 
 " to Westminster." " We will hear that play." " Mean- 
 while, we thank you for your well-took labour." 
 
 " He that thou knowest thine," 
 
 Frank Alderson. 
 
 I pass over the two first performances, 
 which may be looked upon as dress-re- 
 hearsals, and which neither ray chums nor 
 myself attended; for, taking advantage of 
 the freedom given us from five o'clock until 
 the termination of the play, we greatly pre- 
 ferred the Adelphi Theatre, or, as it was 
 then called, the Sans-pareil, under the able 
 management of the " guardian naiad of the
 
 192 PERCY H^VillLTON. 
 
 Strand^^^ Miss Scott, to Terence's Adelphi, 
 in Little Dean's Yard, Westminster. Xo 
 sooner had the doors of our boarding-house 
 been tlirown open than, despite of the injunc- 
 tions we had received for the last f jrtnight 
 from the respective college-amateurs to ap- 
 plaud their exertions, off we ran to a pas- 
 try-cook's shop in Bridge-street, to take a 
 hasty meal. In less time than I can take to 
 narrate it, Kirkonnel, two " shell " boys, and 
 myself were seated in the refreshment-room 
 with four bowls of thick, clammy pea-soup 
 before us. This was followed by a dish of 
 eel-pies made of a heavy indigestible sort of 
 paste, which enveloped some very dimi- 
 nutive specimens of the slippery tribe. Hot 
 veal and ham patties, consisting of lumps of 
 fat and tough meat, now smoked on the 
 board, these gave place to stale Bath- 
 buns, vapid calf 's-foot jelly, tasteless stewed 
 pears, and greasy cheese-cakes. Cherry- 
 brandy, so called, was our beverage ; but, 
 probably out of consideration to our weak 
 heads, the worthy purveyor had watered it 
 so much, that it was perfectly spiritless.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 193 
 
 After devouring and swallowing the above 
 condiments and buvables at a railway speed, 
 we hired a hackney coach, and ordered the 
 coachman to drive us to the Sans-Pareil. 
 In the mean time, Kirkonnel had jumped on 
 the box, and had persuaded the driver to 
 let him take the reins. " By all manner of 
 means," replied the deliglited Jarvey as he 
 pocketed the half-crown that had been pre- 
 sented him. " Come, go on !" we exclaimed 
 from the inside ; "we shall be late." The 
 only answer we received was, " Ge-ho ; go 
 along," given in a gin -drinking sort of voice, 
 and accompanied with an ohligato con spirito 
 of lash and whip-cord, but still we remained 
 stationary. " Hit him over the shoulder — 
 I've established a raw there," continued the 
 gi'uff speaker. Kirkonnel refused to follow 
 the above inhuman advice, but plied the 
 thong in a less cruel manner ; stiil the steeds 
 refused to " move on." 
 
 After a few seconds, the insides became 
 clamorous : the outsides ha^dnfr chano:ed 
 places with one another, and the coachman 
 
 VOL. I. K
 
 194 PEKCY h/\:milton. 
 
 ha^dng regained the ribands, he, Avith a jerk, 
 a peculiar sort of a " Gar along," and a slight 
 application of the whip, got the high-bred 
 cattle into a brisk trot, and, being stimulated 
 by the promise of a shilUng beyond his fare, 
 safely and quickly set us down at the doors 
 of the Sans Pareil. Great was oui' delight 
 to find, on entering the pit, that the overture 
 had not commenced. The first piece was 
 one of deep interest, founded upon the old 
 nursery-story of " Mary, the Maid of the 
 Inn." This was followed by a comic ballet, 
 during the most bustling part of which we 
 were reminded that it was past nine o'clock, 
 and that we had no time to lose in getting 
 to the college-play before its termination. 
 
 Taking the short cuts between the Strand 
 and the river, and coming out behind White- 
 hall church, we soon made our way to Dean's 
 Yard, reaching the gallery-steps of the tem- 
 porary theatre in time to hear the "•' plaudite 
 valete " given to the admiring audience. 
 Following the injunctions of this last appeal, 
 we clapped our hands, stamped our feet,
 
 TERCY HAMILTON. 195 
 
 and cried " bravo " until we were hoarse. 
 This having been duly reported to the Cap- 
 tain, ujion the folloAving morning we re- 
 ceived his thanks, as well as those of his 
 brother amateurs, for the support we had 
 given them. As our consciences in those 
 days were most tender and un sea red, need 
 I say ho truly ashamed we felt at this 
 unmerit d praise? 
 
 My friends and myself passed the 
 second Westminster play much in the 
 same manner that we had done the first ; 
 the last was now shortly to take place, and 
 we lost no time in devising the best scheme 
 for obtaining leave not only to dine ^^dth 
 Alderson, but also to attend a most attrac- 
 tive performance at Co vent Garden Theatre, 
 in which real horses were to make their first 
 appearance upon those hitherto classical 
 boards. A cabinet council was now called, 
 and, after mature deliberation, we decided 
 that the best plan to adopt would be to get 
 Billy Sanders (who was up to every ma- 
 noeuvre) to write in my uncle's name to ask 
 
 K 2
 
 196 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 permission for Kirkonnel and myself to 
 be absent the night previous and morning 
 of the play, so as to return in time for the 
 performance. No sooner had we communi- 
 cated our wishes to the hoaxing lawyer than 
 he forthwith penned a note to Dr. Dodd, 
 which he took the precaution of sealing with 
 a coronet, borrowed for the occasion, and 
 Avhich he himself left at Mrs. Packharness' 
 in the character of my uncle's butler. 
 
 " I'll wait for an answer," said Sanders, 
 aping the manners of a nobleman's gentle- 
 man. " We've no party at home to-day, so 
 I'll just stroll through the Abbey, and return 
 in a quarter of an hour." Consummate 
 puppy ! thought the trusty Dick, as 
 he invited tlie mock-butler into the 
 housekeeper's room. " No, I prefer the 
 open air ; we had a late supper last night, 
 and my head aches confoundedly," responded 
 the hoaxer, still keeping up his assumed 
 character. While Sanders lounged in the 
 cloisters, the invitation was carried to our 
 tutor, who at once gave an answer in the
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 197 
 
 affirmative. This was handed over to Kir- 
 konnel, who stood at the door anxiously 
 waiting for it, and who promised to deliver 
 it safely to my uncle's butler. 
 
 To avoid suspicion, I kept out of the 
 way ; and it was not until the delivery 
 of the twopenny post the next morning, 
 that I received from Sanders a most polite 
 note, written by Dr. Dodd, and directed to 
 my uncle, stating that, as upon the whole 
 both Kirkonnel and myself had conducted 
 ourselves very well during the last half 
 year, he had great pleasure in granting us 
 the indulgence asked for. This smote our 
 consciences to the very quick, and we felt 
 more disposed to confess our error, and 
 throw ourselves upon the mercy of our 
 kindhearted, yet deluded tutor, than to take 
 advantage of his misplaced confidence. 
 
 Unhappily, however, pleasure triumphed 
 over principle, and the thoughts of the Co- 
 vent Garden stud and Alderson's dinner, so 
 far got the better of our first impulse, that 
 we yielded to the tempter, and with empty
 
 198 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 sophistry stifled our consciences. The even- 
 ing arrived, when, under the pretence of 
 going- to my uncle's, Kirkonnel and myself 
 entered a hackney-coach, and desired the 
 driver to set us down at Ginger's Hotel, 
 Bridge-street, AYestminster. Here we ordered 
 a beefsteak at five o'clock, and beds, and 
 having devoted considerable time to our 
 toilet, made our appearance in the coffee- 
 room. Our meal was shortly afterwards 
 served, and, as our funds were rather low, we 
 found to our dismay that the landlord had 
 added some fish to our dinner, independently 
 of tarts, custards, and jellies for the second 
 course. "What Avine will you please to 
 take, gentlemen ? " asked the waiter. " Some 
 port," we replied, and were about to mutter 
 forth that a pint would be sufficient, when, 
 before we could utter a word, a bottle was 
 placed upon the table. 
 
 " Fine old port, sir," continued the 
 man ; " master has only two dozen left. 
 You take porter and ale with your dinner ?" 
 AVe replied in the affirmative. The cloth
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 199 
 
 was removed, when the persevering attend- 
 ant placed upon the taljle some oranges, 
 whose colour, canary-fanciers would have 
 pronounced as a happy mixture between 
 the jonk and the mealy. " Thought you'd 
 like some dessert, gentlemen," continued 
 the loquacious man. " Please to have a 
 l^roiled bone, or a scalloped oyster, after the 
 play?" Before we had time to answer, the 
 touting waiter answered an imaginary call 
 from the bar with " Coming, sir," and 
 abruptly left us. 
 
 Anxious not to exceed our means, and 
 yet to enjoy that delight of all delights, a. 
 supper after the play, we rang the bell, and 
 requested, as we were to leave early in the 
 morning, that our bill for dinner and beds 
 should forthwith be made out. This was 
 shortly afterwards attended to, and we 
 found, upon adding the amount of our coach 
 fares, admission to the theatre, and fees to 
 the boots, chambermaid, and waiter, that 
 we should oidy have five shillings left, out 
 of which our breakfast was to be paid. We
 
 200 PEKCY HAJNIILTON. 
 
 then sent for a coach, counter-ordered the 
 supper, and drove to the play. Stolen fruits 
 are sweet, it is said ; and certainly it proved 
 so upon this occasion, for we enjoyed the 
 performances more than I can describe ; we 
 strolled about the lobbies and passages, gave 
 ourselves great airs, glanced at the fair occu- 
 pants of our public box, and looked as con- 
 temptible in the eyes of the world as we 
 fancied we appeared great in our own. 
 
 The play over, we returned to the hotel, 
 where we found a gentleman occupying a 
 conspicuous place before the fire ; our table 
 had been laid for supper by the speculating 
 waiter, who, sharing the profits of the con- 
 cern with the proprietor, was most anxious 
 to run up the bill. As we entered the room, 
 the stranger made way for us, and, upon 
 looking more steadfastly at him, we recog- 
 nised him as the occupier of one of the front 
 seats in the box, and who had watched our 
 proceedings throughout the evening. " I 
 hope you liked the performance," asked our 
 new acquaintance. " Delighted with it,"
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 201 
 
 we responded. As the conversation 
 proceeded, we unburtliened our feelings, 
 talked of our doings at Westminster, of 
 Mother Pack's, and our larks, and finally- 
 entrusted the attentive listener with the fact 
 that we were truants from Dean's Yard. 
 
 " What say you to a glass of brandy and 
 water ? " said I to Kirkonnel ; " perhaps 
 this gentleman will join us." 
 
 Kirkonnel, remembering the state of our 
 finances, looked confused. At length he 
 called me aside, and said he would speak to 
 the waiter. The conversation was evidently 
 successful, for the latter personage having 
 asked whether Kirkonnel preferred hot or 
 cold, shortly appeared with a tray containing 
 "three brandies," as he termed it — sugar, 
 hot water, bread and cheese. We pressed 
 our new acquaintance to partake of our 
 humble fare, to which he graciously assented. 
 After an hour's agreeable conversation, we 
 retired ; and, as the stranger took his leave, 
 he expressed a hope that we might some 
 
 k3
 
 202 PERCY HAJOLTON. 
 
 day meet again, a sentiment to which we 
 cordially responded. 
 
 " I made a bargain with the waiter," said 
 Kirkonnel, as we entered our double-bedded 
 room, " to furnish our supper for four-and- 
 sixpence, three shillings for the brandy, and 
 eighteenpence for the bread and cheese." 
 
 " All right," I replied, " though I fear we 
 have only sixpence left for our breakfasts." 
 
 I pass over my " rosy dreams and slum- 
 bers light," during which the fair forms of 
 many a beauty that I had seen both on and 
 off the stage at Covent Garden, flitted before 
 me, and bring myself to those sad realities 
 of life which I experienced on awaking. 
 What could exceed the discomfort of finding 
 oneself in a cold, cheerless room, looking to 
 the river, from which arose a dense dark- 
 coloured fog, the pavement and streets cover- 
 ed with snow ! Nor did the fear of being 
 discovered, added to the knowledge that we 
 were reduced to our last sixpence, tend much 
 to our comfort, or gratification. 
 
 " Please to take breakfast, gentlemen,"
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 203 
 
 said the slipshod, untidy waiter, as we en- 
 tered the coffee-room, still redolent with the 
 odour of brandy, cheese, oil-lamps, and 
 rancid butter. We declined this offer, 
 pleading haste; and having paid our bill 
 and satisfied the demands of the household 
 sharks, waiter, chambermaid, and boots, the 
 latter of whom had promised to take care of 
 our carpet-bags, we found ourselves on 
 Westminster bridge, with frozen hands and 
 feet, empty stomachs, and almost empty 
 purses. How to procure any inward crea- 
 ture comfort in the shape of "hot with," 
 was a question not easily to be decided, 
 although, as my light-hearted friend Kir- 
 konnel remarked, we were likely to find 
 plenty of " cold without." After crossing 
 the bridge, we looked in vain for some tea 
 and coffee room, where we might break our 
 fast for the small sum of threepence per 
 head ; but the charges, small as tliey were, 
 exceeded our limited means — a cup of coffee 
 being three-halfpence, and rolls and butter 
 two-pence each. Every minute increased
 
 204 PERCY HA^IILTON. 
 
 our hunger, and it was not until we nearly 
 arrived at the famishing point that necessity, 
 Avhich has always been looked upon as the 
 mother of invention, came to our rescue. 
 Just opposite the Marsh-gate, which was 
 then in existence, a man stood with a huge 
 tin portable cooking apparatus, upon which 
 appeared some good-looking specimens of 
 roasted potatoes. 
 
 "All hot, all hot!" exclaimed the pur- 
 veyor ; " two a penny, real hot 'tatys." 
 
 A baker's and butterman's shops were 
 close at hand ; investing threepence of our 
 capital upon a small loaf and a pat of butter, 
 we still found ourselves in possession of half 
 our funds, twopence of which we expended 
 upon a pint of porter, and, with the remaining 
 penny, purchased two as fine mealy potatoes 
 as ever graced a board. With these, and 
 appetite for our sauce, we made a most ex- 
 cellent repast. The time passed drearily 
 enough until four o'clock, at which hour we 
 were to meet Alderson at a French tavern 
 and restaurateur's, at the corner of Nassau-
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 205 
 
 street, Soho. Here we found our host and 
 his hoaxing friend in waiting, both of whom 
 welcomed us most kindly. The former 
 exclaimed — 
 
 "Let's to dinner;" and, turning to the 
 waiter, continued, in a most theatrical tone, 
 " Prepare our dinner." 
 
 " Oui, monsieur,' responded the gar9on, 
 shrugging up his shoulders, and looking 
 awfully struck at the pompous style of his 
 customer. 
 
 In the days I write of, French coffee- 
 houses and Frenchmen were much scarcer 
 than they are at the present time, and Les 
 quatres Nations where we were assembled was 
 the only one of note as a dining-house in 
 the metropolis. After the soup and fish 
 had been removed, Frank Alderson, still 
 quoting his favourite bard, desired the 
 waiter to bring him " toe of frog," like 
 Poor Tom., " we'll eat the swimming frog." 
 Dubret, so the gar9on was called, again 
 shrugged up his shoulders, exclaiming — 
 
 " Toe of frogge ! What means that ? "
 
 206 PERCY HAIMILTON. 
 
 " La fricassee des green owls — frogs,^' re- 
 sponded the stage-struck hero. " Now, iie 
 upon my false French." 
 
 " Oh, les grenouilles •' Ah, je comprends .' 
 Ve have got vot you call ver fine frogs d la 
 maitre d^hotel.^^ 
 
 Monsieur Dubret retired, and in a few 
 minutes returned with a nice looking entree. 
 
 " The Frenchman hath good skill," said 
 Alderson, as he portioned me out a small 
 quantity of what he supposed to be this far- 
 famed continental luxury, and which tasted 
 to me very much like the stringy portions 
 of the legs and wings of a chicken. Nor 
 was I wrong in my conclusion, for, before 
 we left the coffee-room we ascertained that 
 the frog fricassee was nothing more than a 
 rechauffee of a blanquette de volaille cut into 
 small slices, and immersed in a thick white 
 sauce. Billy Sanders seemed very much 
 disposed to put his hoaxing propensities into 
 force ; but, as the room was solely occupied 
 with French emigrees, whose politeness won 
 our hearts, he forebore his jests, reserving
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 207 
 
 them for some future occasion. The bill 
 was now settled, the gar9on fee'd in so 
 liberal a manner that it evidently quite 
 surprised him, he being accustomed only to 
 receive the odd half-pence; and Alderson 
 had shouted to the porter, "Come, my 
 coach," when I overheard a conversation 
 between the two friends, which shewed me 
 that some tremendous practical jest was to 
 be perpetrated during the college perform- 
 ance. 
 
 " Proceed we straight to Westminster," 
 said Alderson, as we entered the crazy 
 vehicle. 
 
 " Ay, and as your favourite bard writes," 
 continued Sanders — 
 
 " You shall say, 
 I'll prove a busy actor in their play." 
 
 With the awe that I then felt for the 
 authorities in Dean's Yard, and the know- 
 ledge that any disturbance that might 
 emanate from my friends would inevitably 
 entail upon me both a good flogging from
 
 208 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 Dr. Gary, and a severe " licking " from the 
 collegers, I urged the hoaxer with all the 
 eloquence I was master of not to attempt 
 any jest within the college walls ; to this, 
 after some persuasion, he assented, and we 
 reached the dormitory just in time to hear 
 the orchestra behind the scenes play the 
 national anthem. Shortly afterwards, the 
 head master, accompanied by a host of old 
 Westminsters, entered, and took their seats 
 amidst the cheers of the boys, the band 
 playing, " See, the Conquering Hero comes." 
 The prologue was then delivered with ap- 
 propriate emphasis by the captain ; the play 
 then proceeded, and the epilogue, a well- 
 written satire upon the reigning follies of 
 the day, concluded the performance. 
 
 Billy Sanders and his friend Alderson can 
 scarcely be said to have broken down in 
 their promises, although the former could 
 not refrain from placing a five-pound note, 
 dra^vn upon the bank of elegance, into the 
 cap that was handed round after the per- 
 formance for the benefit of the captain of
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 209 
 
 the king's scholars, nor coiikl the latter help 
 exclaiminf^ in a loud tone, wlien the Bishop 
 of Ely addressed Page, the under master, 
 in a quotation from Horace, " Good my 
 lord, no Latin." After the play, we returned 
 to our dames, where the usual " roll " was 
 called over, during which we could not help 
 fancying that Dr. Dodd gave both Kirkonnel 
 and myself a look that portended much 
 mischief. Nothing, however, was said that 
 night; and, upon going into school the 
 following morning, we began to hope that 
 our fears had been groundless, when the sad 
 reality came before us, by our tutor beckon- 
 ing us both to his chair. 
 
 " You had leave to go to your uncle's last 
 Wednesday," said the kind-hearted Jemmy. 
 
 We began to stutter and stammer, and 
 finally to admit the trickery and deception 
 we had been guilty of. 
 
 "Well, my boys, I am glad you have 
 spoken the truth : I despise a liar. All 
 your proceedings have been reported to Dr. 
 Gary and myself."
 
 210 PERCY HAiULTON. 
 
 At this moment, a sixth-form boy came 
 to say that the head master wished to speak 
 to Dr. Dodd, who immediately obeyed the 
 summons. During the consultation of the 
 two learned Dominies, we watched their 
 countenances; a six-cutter or expulsion 
 seemed written legibly in their faces. In a 
 few moments, our suspense was over, by 
 our being called up to Gary. After expa- 
 tiating upon the enormity of our delin- 
 quencies, he told us that nothing but the 
 character our tutor had given us for veracity 
 could have saved us from expulsion, and 
 that, under those circumstances, and those 
 alone, our punishment would be commuted 
 to a task work, that of wrriting out, during 
 the holidays, the English part of the Latin 
 grammar. Delighted at the noble part that 
 our worthy friend, Jemmy, had acted towards 
 us, we made a resolution never again to 
 offend him, and happy am I to say that 
 botli lurkonncl and myself imphcitly acted 
 up to this determination. 
 
 The holidays came, and many a time when
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 211 
 
 our parents thought us fast asleep, we rose 
 from our beds, and, trimming the midnight 
 lamj), laboured at our task ; by this means 
 we accomplished it before our return to 
 \Vestminster, and were highly compli- 
 mented by Cary at tlie attention we had 
 paid to it. Instead of an ill-written, scrawly, 
 unintelligible imjyos, we presented as fair a 
 specimen of caligraphy as ever was penned. 
 We were now most anxious to ascertain how 
 our delinquencies before Christmas had 
 been discovered, and with some difficulty 
 ascertained that our friend and acquaintance 
 at the hotel had reported to Dr. Cary that 
 two AVestminster boys had been playing the 
 parts of truants, and that upon public prin- 
 ciple he had felt it to be his duty to inform 
 him of the fact. Truly might w^e have 
 asked him where his principle was, wdien, 
 after partaking of our scanty fare, he, under 
 the mask of kindly feeling, entrapped two 
 unsuspecting youths to criminate them- 
 selves and then turned informer against 
 them. Who our false friend was we never
 
 212 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 from that hour to the present have been 
 able to discover. For days and weeks we 
 hovered about Bridge- street in the hopes of 
 meeting him ; had we fallen in with him, a 
 ducking under the first pump, or in the river, 
 Avould have been the result. 
 
 It was during this " half, " that I first 
 became acquainted with one of the most 
 sporting men of his day — Barclay, of Ure ; 
 he was an intimate friend of Kirkonnel's 
 uncle. Sir Charles Stavely, to whom I have 
 before alluded ; and, as I usually passed the 
 Saturday and Sunday with the latter, I was 
 fortunate enough to meet the celebrated 
 pedestrian constantly, at dinner.- Indej)en- 
 dently of his prowess in walking, Barclay was 
 an excellent amateur sparrer, and one wet 
 Saturday, when Kirkonnel and myself were 
 practising Avith the gloves, the Captain hap- 
 pened to make his appearance. "Bravo, 
 youngsters !" said the delighted visitor. " I 
 never saw two better attitudes ; no stiffness, 
 knees elastic, body a little bent, head and 
 shoulders forward, hands well up — capitally
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 213 
 
 stopped, and returned — a good judge of 
 distance. Never fight at the body. Well 
 hit. There, my boys, that will do," con- 
 tinued Barclay. " I have not hurt you, I 
 hope," said my Westminster "chum," 
 holding out his hand. " Not at all," I re- 
 plied ; although for the moment my feelings 
 belied my tongue, for a right hander in the 
 frontispiece is no joke when put in by an 
 athletic youth. " You are both brave fel- 
 lows," said Barclay, slipping into our hands 
 a couple of guineas ; " and I hope, some 
 Saturday when your uncle dines out, that 
 you wiU take a chop with me at the Piazza, 
 and we can drop into Tom Cribb's for an 
 hour, afterwards." We thanked the gallant 
 Captain, who noAV took his leave. 
 
 It may not here be uninteresting to our 
 readers to give a slight sketch of this cele- 
 brated character. Robert Barclay AUar- 
 dice, Esq., of Ure, was born in Scotland, 
 and at eight years of age was sent to Eng- 
 land for his education ; he was four years 
 at Richmond, and three at Brixton Cause-
 
 214 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 way school. He afterwards went to Cam- 
 bridge. He entered the service of his 
 country as an Ensign in the 23rd Fusihers, 
 and accompanied his regiment to the conti- 
 nent in 1805, his corps forming part of the 
 army which was sent for the protection of 
 Hanover. He was afterwards promoted to 
 a company, but saw no actual service until 
 the fatal expedition to Walcheren, where he 
 acted as aide-de-camp to the Marquis of 
 Huntley. He embarked for that pestiferous 
 climate a few days after he had finished his 
 pedestrian performance at Newmarket; and, 
 although greatly reduced by his exertions, 
 escaped the dreadiul fever. 
 
 Barclay, whose weight was twelve stone 
 thirteen pounds, and whose height was five 
 feet ten inches, was a most formidable ama- 
 teur mth the gloves; he, however, occa- 
 sionally selected too powerful an antagonist, 
 as was the case in his set-to with Shaw, the 
 Lifeguardsman. When this redoubtable 
 hero first made his appearance at the Five's 
 Court, in Little St. Martin's Lane, nothing
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 215 
 
 would satisfy tlie undaunteJ spirit of the 
 Captain but having a bout with the new re- 
 cruit. Shaw was, to use his own description, 
 " a main good un" at planting body-blows. 
 ^Vq have slightly varied his expression, as the 
 original language would not sound very well 
 to ears polite. In weight, the gallant soldier 
 was fifteen stone, and in height six feet and 
 half an inch. This gave him a decided ad- 
 vantage over Barclay. The brave Scot, 
 however, never shrank from punishment, 
 and for some time held his own ; but finally 
 the length and weight of Shaw enabled him 
 to plant so tremendous a blow in the Cap- 
 tain's ribs that many were broken. 
 
 As a practical farmer, Barclay is second 
 to no one, and, through his excellent man- 
 agement, has brought his estate to the 
 highest point of perfection. At an early 
 period of his life, he was master of a pack of 
 foxhounds in Kincardineshire, and distin- 
 guished himself as much in the "faint image 
 of war" — the chase — as he did in reality.
 
 216 TERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 Of his pedestrian performances we will 
 briefly say that, on the 1st of June, 1809, 
 Captain Barclay started at Ke'v\Tiiarket 
 Heath to go on foot one thousand miles in 
 one thousand successive hours, at the rate 
 of a mile in each and every hour. This he 
 effected. As this match has been often re- 
 corded, we wiU not dwell upon it further 
 than to say it was a most wonderful un- 
 dertaking, and only equalled by another, 
 which has been handed down to us, \'iz., 
 that of Thomas Standen, of Salehurst, near 
 Silver-hill Bajracks, who, in the year 1811, 
 finished the arduous task of walking eleven 
 hundred miles in as many successive hours 
 going one mile only in each hour. He Avas 
 nearly sixty years of age at the time. But 
 we need not alone refer to modern dates for 
 celebrated deeds of pedestrians. In ancient 
 history, we find that PhiUippides was sent 
 from Athens to Sparta, and in two days ran 
 one hundred and fifty Roman miles. Our 
 own King Henry V., and two of his lords,
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 217 
 
 could run down and take any doe in a 
 large forest ; and Canute's son, Harold, was 
 so "fast a one" that few horses of that day- 
 could beat him. He could course down 
 a hare; hence his name, Harefoot. 
 
 VOL. I.
 
 218 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 "How happy's the soldier who lives on his pay!" 
 
 O'Keefe. 
 
 A dinner at the Blue Posts — Drury Lane as it was and as 
 it is — " Appointed a Cornet in the ' Blues' " — Committee 
 of Ways and Means— Out of Bounds— Visit to the 
 Army Agent — State of the Money Market — Preparation 
 for the Epping Easter Hunt— "I wants an 'Unter" — 
 Jeramy Green, from Egan's Life in London. 
 
 The Ides of March were over, and April, 
 with its alternate sunshine and tears, had 
 set in, when one morning, upon coming 
 out of school, I saw Sir Charles Stavely's 
 curricle drive up to the door of ^lother 
 Pack's. Kirkonnel and myself lost no time 
 in paying our respects to this worthy rela-
 
 PERCY HASIILTON. 219 
 
 tive, who, after the kindest welcome, the 
 handsomest "tip," proposed that upon the 
 following day we should dine with him at 
 the Blue Posts, in Cork- street, and after- 
 wards proceed to Drury Lane. To this 
 proposition we readily acceded, and after 
 receiving Dodd's permission, it w^as arranged 
 that we should dine punctually at five o'clock, 
 so that we might be at the drawing up of 
 the curtain at half-past six. To dine with 
 so great a sporting character as Sir Charles, 
 and at a house that, at the period we write 
 of, was patronized by all the leading men 
 about town (clubs not being then in fashion) 
 was a gratification of the very highest order. 
 The day arrived, and at a few minutes be- 
 fore five we found ourselves at our post in 
 Cork-street. Just as the neighbouring 
 clocks had struck the hour, our host drove 
 up in his curricle, and his arrival being an- 
 nounced, in less time than I can take to 
 narrate it, the landlord appeared at the door, 
 and, after welcoming his guest, proceeded to 
 show him and us to a snug little room 
 
 L 2
 
 220 TERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 within the bar. Here we found the table 
 laid for three. 
 
 " Serve the dinner," said Sir Charles. 
 " You have some champagne in ice?" 
 
 A reply was made in the affirmative. 
 
 " Then bring us a bottle of sherry to begin 
 with." 
 
 Scarcely had the order been given than 
 the landlord entered, followed by a waiter 
 and waitress, bearing sundry dishes covered 
 with tin, and smoking through the aper- 
 tures : the first contained some slices of 
 Severn salmon, crimped, and fresh from that 
 river; and the second three fine softroed 
 mackerel, boiled to perfection, and served 
 upon a crockery dish, with a strainer of the 
 same material. Reader, in case I ever have 
 the pleasure of dining with you, let me en- 
 treat you, by the shades of Heliogabulus, 
 x4.picius, and Doctor Kitchener, never to 
 permit your cook to send up your fish upon 
 a napkin, which only tends to the extraction 
 of some essence de savon from the linen, and 
 which is naturally imbibed by the heat of
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 221 
 
 the finny tribe that comes in contact with 
 it; a silver or crockery perforated flat dish 
 drains the water from the fish, witliout 
 furnishing you with mottled-soap sauce. 
 
 To return to our dinner. Butter-boats, 
 containing lobster, parsley, and fennel-sauce, 
 and ^reen gooseberries, were placed upon 
 the table, with a wooden bowl of steamed 
 potatoes, and a plate of dressed cucumbers, 
 the Covent-garden market price being for 
 the latter forced article seven shillings a- 
 piece. On removing the fish course, we 
 found lamb-cutlets, hot and hot, slices of 
 the silver end of boiled beef, with 
 all its accessories, in the shape of 
 greens, carrots, and suet-pudding. The 
 second course presented to our notice a 
 duckling, sage and onion sauce for those 
 that liked it, asparagus, and some goose- 
 berry-fool. During our repast, the attentive 
 and well-disciplined waiter dispensed the 
 liquids in the most orthodox manner. A 
 glass of real Glenlivat whiskey was recom- 
 mended after the salmon, sherry after the
 
 222 PERCY HAM[LTON. 
 
 mackerel, champagne and iced gin-punch 
 throughout the dinner, and port with the 
 cheese. No sooner was the cloth removed, 
 than a chasse of sixty -year-old rum was 
 handed round, and a magnum of bee's- 
 wing placed on the shining mahogany ; 
 devilled biscuits, and thin dry toast alone 
 formed our dessert — infinitely better than 
 the sour oranges, tasteless apples, stale figs, 
 and soft sponge-cakes, that usually appear 
 in this course. 
 
 After imbibing quantum suff of wine, 
 we proceeded to Drury Lane Theatre, 
 just in time to take our seats before the 
 good old green curtain drew up. The play 
 was Sheridan's " Rivals," supported by 
 Dowton, Elliston, Bannister, Jack John- 
 stone, Mesdames Sparks, Davison, Edwin, 
 and Harlowe ; with the farce of " The 
 Three and the Deuce," in which Elliston, 
 De Camp, and the sweetest of a]l ballad 
 singers, Mrs. l^and, filled the prominent 
 characters. Little did I imagine, in 1811, 
 that, after a lapse of thirty-six years, I
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 223 
 
 should again find myself, upon the same day 
 of the month, at the Blue Posts, in the 
 same room, at the same hour, and with the 
 same view, that of visiting Drury Lane 
 Theatre. Yet such was the case, and when, 
 upon my latter visit, I entered the sanctum 
 of this celebrated tavern, a train of recol- 
 lections flitted vividly across my brain. I 
 thought of my boyish days — of my parents 
 and brothers, now, alas! no more — of the 
 happy hours I passed at Westminster — of 
 the time since spent, in vanity and frivolity 
 — of friends lost to me — of talents and op- 
 portunities wasted and misemployed. As 
 these reflections took possession of my mind, 
 they produced a feeling of the deepest sor- 
 row and regret, tinged with remorse. I 
 complained of the heat, my brow ached, and 
 I was about to rush into the street, when 
 my two companions, who had been giving 
 orders at the bar, entered the room.^ 
 
 " Why, what on earth has happened to 
 you, Percy?" exclaimed one. "You look 
 scared to death."
 
 224 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 '' Dissipate your ideal grievances with 
 these substantial comforts," continued ano- 
 ther, as the landlord, having placed the top 
 dish on the table, uncovered it, and dis- 
 played some splendid-looking mackerel. 
 
 " What say you to a glass of sherry, 
 Percy ? " 
 
 I filled a bumper, and drank it off. A 
 turn was now given to the conversation, and 
 a subject of some temporary interest being 
 discussed, I gradually regained my self- 
 possession, and the dinner passed off most 
 agreeably; still a feeling akin to melancholy 
 haunted me by fits and starts until the 
 Broughams were announced, and we found 
 ourselves on our way to the theatre. Great 
 as has been the improvement in the culinary 
 art since the period I write of, by the intro- 
 duction of continental artists into our coun- 
 try, the Blue Posts, scorning all foreign 
 interference, still retains its pristine great- 
 ness, depending alone upon English talent 
 and native dishes. To those, then, who 
 can manage to "rough it" upon the best
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 225 
 
 fish of the season, or a slice of the followinir 
 joints — roast beef, boiled beef, haunch of 
 mutton, veal and ham, rump -steak puddings, 
 pigeon pies, and marrow bones — we can 
 strongly recommend this excellent dining- 
 house. 
 
 Independently of the cooking, the wines 
 are, if possible, better than they were in cur 
 youthful days : the sherry has become more 
 mellow, the " bee's wing" more generous, 
 the gin-punch is a shade better iced ; in 
 addition to which, a stock of excellent 
 claret has been laid in, for the benefit of 
 those delicate-stomached exquisites who de- 
 nounce humble port and sherry as strono- 
 deleterious drinks, fit only for country 
 squires, and carefully to be shunned by 
 London exotics. But if the tavern had 
 undergone little change, not so the Temple 
 of the Drama. Great had been our indiff- 
 nation when we f.rst heard that the scene of 
 Kemble's, Siddon's, and Kean's triumphs 
 was to be desecrated by a foreign troop of 
 equestrians. But. when we entered the 
 
 L 3
 
 226 PERCY IIAMILTOJf. 
 
 theatre, and found the critics' pit converted 
 into a ring, the boards turned into sawdust, 
 some dozen vaulters throwing somersets 
 over a tame animal, the whole enlivened by 
 the "La, la" of a French clown, our hearts 
 sank within us, and we felt the degradation 
 that had been heaped upon this national 
 edifice. Our only wonder Avas that the 
 marble statues of Shakspeare and Kean, in 
 the entrance hall, did not move from their 
 pedestals, disgusted with the abasement 
 which the legitimate drama had undergone. 
 In these remarks it is far from our inten- 
 tion to censure Franconi, or his talented 
 troupe of bipeds and quadrupeds ; but there 
 is a place for everything. Had they gone 
 to Astley's, we should have hailed their 
 appearance there with delight'; for nothing 
 can exceed the riding of Mademoiselle Caro- 
 line, the training of her steeds, or the grace- 
 ful evolutions of Palmyre Anato and Coralie 
 Ducos. La Lutte des Voltigeurs is spirited ; 
 indeed, all the equestrians and sA^questrians 
 (as the late Charles Mathews used to call
 
 PERCY HAxAIILTON. 227 
 
 them) evince great powers in their respective 
 departments; and the activity of the three 
 clowns, MM. Auriol, Leclair, and Auriol 
 Fils, is very conspicuous. Still, we missed 
 the old conventional jokes of the clown in 
 the circle, which have been familiar to us 
 since the days of our childhood : his asking 
 the " groom- in- waiting" to bring him some 
 soup for Mr. Savory, id est a hoop for Mr. 
 Avery — his exclamation to the young lady 
 in pink and white gauze, " Here's your white 
 handkerchief, washed with black soap and 
 dried on a gridiron ! " — his remark to the 
 youth equipped as Zephyr, " Here's your 
 garters, long and strong, two makes a pair !" 
 — his reproof to the genius of the ring, 
 " Don't tickle me, or you'll make me laugh!" 
 — his declaration that " his man John is the 
 best servant in his establishment, for he 
 always gets up last, so that he may not dis- 
 turb the rest of the household ! " — his inquiry, 
 " as to what he shall come for to go for to 
 fetch for to bring for to come for to go for 
 to carry" — and, last, not least, his practical
 
 228 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 joke in taking precedence of his master, in 
 the following dialogue : — Master : " I never 
 go after a fool." Clown (retiring and fol- 
 lowing) : " I always do." 
 
 The holidays drew near. A month before 
 the appointed time, we commenced calculating 
 the number of days that separated us from 
 our beloved homes. Some procured pieces 
 of wood, upon which, like Robinson Crusoe, 
 they notched the days of their captivity ; but, 
 instead of adding to the number, each night 
 saw one effaced, amidst divers joyful excla- 
 mations ; others sat up and talked over the 
 happiness in store for them. Some congra- 
 tulated themselves that they should have no 
 lessons, some talked of the "homes, the homes 
 of England," some of the sea-side, while others 
 spoke in affectionate raptures of their parents, 
 of the black pony taken up from grass, of 
 the attached servants, and of the no less 
 faithful dogs that would greet their arrival 
 with a thousand gambols. About a week 
 before the vacation, I received a mes- 
 sage from Dr. Cary to wait upon him
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 229 
 
 after morning school. A visit to the 
 head-master was at all times a nervous 
 affair; but, as my conscience acquitted 
 me of any new delinquency, I cheer- 
 fully obeyed the summons, and, by the 
 good-humoured smile upon the doctor's 
 expressive countenance, I at once saw that 
 I had nothing to fear. 
 
 " Pray, have you any other name besides 
 Percy?" he inquired. 
 
 " Alexander," I responded, " although I 
 am seldom known by that appellation." 
 
 " Oh, then this must be you," he continued ; 
 " your father wrote to me some weeks ago 
 to say you were to be in the army, and in 
 last night's Gazette I perceive you appear." 
 
 The worthy head-master then handed me 
 the newspaper, in which I read as follows : — 
 
 " Royal Regiment of Horse Guards (Blues) 
 Hon. Percy Alexander Hamilton, to be Cornet 
 without purchase, vice , deceased." 
 
 I could scarcely believe my senses, for 
 although I was aware that the colonel of the 
 above distinguished corps had promised my
 
 230 PEECY HAMILTON. 
 
 father to give me the first vacancy, I had 
 not the shghtest idea that one would have 
 so soon occurred. After a few words of 
 advice upon the duties of an officer and a 
 gentleman, the doctor dismissed me, and I 
 ran off to inform my friends, Jemmy Dodd, 
 Mother Pack, Dick, Jane the housekeeper, 
 Kirkonnel, and all the boys I met, that they 
 had the honour of addressinof a cornet in one 
 of the crack cavalry regiments of the day. 
 A letter awaited me at my dame's, telling 
 me of my appointment, and saying that I 
 was to remain at Westminster until after 
 Easter. I was then in my fourteenth year ; 
 to say I was happy is to say nothing. The 
 moment school was over, Kirkonnel, Pat 
 Mahony, and myself ran off to the Horse 
 Guards, to get a look at my regiment, then 
 doing duty there. AVe saw a sentry, six feet 
 two, at least, decked out in huge jack boots, 
 long spurs, buff leather belts, and cocked 
 hats. 
 
 " But where's their pigtails?" inquired 
 Kirkonnel.
 
 PERCY HAJMILTON. 231 
 
 " Arrah ! don't you remember," replied 
 the young Emeralder, repeating the lines, in 
 imitation of the " small beer poet," from the 
 Eejected Addresses, then recently published, 
 
 " God bless the Guards, though worsted Gallia scoff, 
 God bless their pigtails, though they're now cut off." 
 
 I own I felt myself look rather small at 
 this remark, especially when standing so near 
 these Brobdignagian Grenadiers a c/ieval, 
 and for the moment regretted that I had not 
 been appointed to a light Dragoon regiment, 
 then doing escort duty in London, the 9th 
 (now Lancers). 
 
 One of the last sporting events that I 
 shall allude to previously to my leaving 
 Dean's Yard, was a day with the then cele- 
 brated Epping Staghounds, on Easter Mon- 
 day. For some weeks our Chancellor of 
 the Exchequer Kirkonnel, had informed 
 Paddy Mahony and myself that the funds 
 of our mutual joint-stock bank were at the 
 lowest possible ebb. In vain had we written 
 the usual schoolboy circular appeals to our
 
 232 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 relatives, hoping that they were well in 
 health, and, after a little dose of soft-sawder, 
 insinuating that, despite of every retrench- 
 ment and care, we found ourselves in sad 
 arrears. These in return brought lectures 
 against extravagance, treatises against pro- 
 digality, dissertations upon thriftiness and 
 economy that would have gladdened the 
 heart of that public-spirited patriot, Joseph 
 Hume, but no supplies. Our finance com- 
 mittee were then called together for a special 
 meeting, when it was discovered that, fol- 
 lowing the example of the nation, our debts 
 were large, and our assets inconsiderable. 
 In vain did we speculate upon " tips " which 
 might by accident enrich our funds before 
 Easter, but, carrying these sums to the 
 credit account, we still found ourselves on 
 the eve of a general bankruptcy. To hire 
 horses for the ensuing Epping Hunt seemed 
 then, in the state of our finances, entirely 
 out of the question. 
 
 While debating upon this most important 
 measure of ways and means, it flashed across
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 233 
 
 my mind that, as I had now been gazetted 
 more than six weeks, some pay might be due 
 to me from my country, for my valuable 
 services as a cornet in the Blues. No sooner 
 had I mentioned this brilliant idea than it 
 was received with " loud cheers from all 
 parts of the house," and it was agreed nem. 
 con. that a deputation, consisting of the 
 Chancellor of the Exchequer and myself, 
 should wait upon those most liberal of army 
 agents, Messrs. Greenwood and Cox, and 
 ascertain the state of my account with them. 
 The money thus advanced was to be paid 
 off in instalments by my brother partners, 
 without interest, which gave Pat Mahony 
 the opportunity of quoting Sheridan's re- 
 mark, " that it was against his principle to 
 pay intherest, and against his intherest to 
 pay principal," although, continued our 
 young Joe Miller, we will not adopt the 
 latter part of this jocose sentiment, for we 
 will strictly and honourably discharge our 
 debt at the earliest period. 
 
 Upon the following day, Kii-konnel, Ma-
 
 234 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 bony, and myself started, immediately 
 " after school," at twelve, and taking the 
 narrow back streets that led to St. James's 
 Park, ran through it, coming out by Spring 
 Garden passage. Here the savoury smells 
 that issued from Farrance's pastry-cook's 
 shop induced us to check our speed, and to 
 bolt into the soup-room, giving our order, 
 which was repeated by a slip-shod waiter, 
 as — " One pea, one ox, and a mock." Here 
 we took breath; for the burst we had had, 
 added to the fear of meeting Gary, or some 
 great Westminster don, while out of bounds, 
 had flustered us not a little. After enjoying 
 our repast, the dread of our approaching 
 interview with the representatives of the 
 firm of Messrs. Greenwood and Cox came 
 across me; we, however, screwed up our 
 courage with a glass of cherry-brandy, and, 
 after paying our bill, proceeded to Craig's 
 Court. 
 
 By an arrangement entered into between 
 us, whenever we found ourselves beyond the 
 " liberties " of Dean's Yard, each took it by
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 235 
 
 turns to act as a vidette, the duty of whom 
 was to be in advance, and by certahi signs 
 and signals to give the rest notice of the 
 a pproach of any enemy in the person of a 
 master, usher, or upper boy. Kirkonnel 
 and myself being employed on a deputation 
 to the army agents, the post of vidette 
 devolved upon Mahony, who, lynx-eyed, 
 advancing along New-street, reached the 
 corner by Drummond's; there he stopped 
 for a moment to reconnoitre, but, seeing 
 nothing to obstruct our progress, he made 
 a rush and stood, 
 
 " Near to that spot where Charles bestrides a horse, 
 In humble prose the name is Charing Cross." 
 
 We were about to follow, when the signal 
 of a foe in sight was hoisted by Mahony 
 wavino; his orange-coloured Bandana hand- 
 kerchief, for Paddy was a "glorious and 
 immortal memory " boy. There was no 
 harbour of refuge open for us, for we were 
 unaware at what point we were to be at- 
 tacked : upon our right, was Drummond's
 
 236 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 bank, but a run upon that we did not deem 
 advisable; on our left, Avas a bootmaker's 
 shop, but the fear of the owner waxing 
 wrath}^, prevented us taking shelter there ; 
 in our rear was the open street, to which, 
 had we re-traced our steps, we should have 
 exposed ourselves to danger and lost sight 
 of our vidette. Another wave of the hand- 
 kerchief from behind the pedestal of the 
 statue, where Mahony was now crouching, 
 shewed us that our danger was immediate. 
 What was to be done? The idea of a four- 
 cutter — a species of flagellation well known 
 at Westminster — flashed across our minds, 
 when a brilliant thought occurred to Kir- 
 konnel. 
 
 " Gain the watch-box," he exclaimed ; 
 and darting forward, he rushed into one of 
 those wooden buildings then occupied by 
 tlie guardians (!) of the night, the Charleys 
 of former days. Without loss of time ; I fol- 
 lowed ; but our exploit was more difficult 
 to achieve than Ave had at first anticipated, 
 for, instead of finding the premises vacant.
 
 PER(^Y HAMILTON. 237 
 
 to our great horror we perceived one of the 
 aforesaid watchmen fast asleep in his den. The 
 preserver of the peace having had a severe 
 conflict during the preceding night with 
 some window-breaking heroes, was now try- 
 ing to make up for the loss of his night's 
 rest, as also to get rid of the fumes of liquor 
 he had received for hush-money. No 
 sooner, then, had Kirkonnel and myself 
 stormed the fort, than the half-sleeping, 
 quite-drunken, occupant started up from 
 his recumbent posture, and sounding his 
 rattle, shouted " Fire ! " and " Murder ! " 
 This attracted a crowd of idle boys, who 
 began hallooing and hooting'at the now in- 
 furiated Charley. We, in the mean time, 
 had bobbed down our heads, assuring the 
 drunken man that we would make it all 
 right, and, peeping through the crevices of 
 the door, we saw the under-master Page's 
 tall figure pass within a yard of the crowd. 
 He cast one look around, and then walked 
 quietly on. 
 
 The price uf a glass of brandy-and-water
 
 238 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 appeased tlie anger of the assaulted watch- 
 man, and leaving our stronghold, on seeing 
 the signal lowered, we made a rush across 
 the street, where we joined our vidette in 
 the court opposite the agent's house of busi- 
 ness. Kirkonnel and mj^self then entered 
 the hall of the building, where sat two mes- 
 sengers, who eyed us rather suspiciously 
 as we walked in. Clerks from the different 
 offices were busily engaged going from room 
 to room ; military-looking men came in and 
 out of the sanctum of the partners of the 
 firm, some with delight beaming upon their 
 countenances at finding their account flour- 
 ishing, and others looking what is more cor- 
 rectly than elegantly termed " down in the 
 mouth " at a hint from Messrs. Greenwood 
 and Cox that a remittance to balance an 
 overdrawn sum would be deemed an especial 
 favour. Non-commissioned officers were to 
 be seen entering into and emerging from 
 the variety of departments of this well- 
 regulated establishment. While looking 
 about, in the hopes of finding some good-
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 239 
 
 natured person who would take compassion 
 upon our inexperience, we were accosted by 
 one of the porters, who politely asked us 
 what we pleased to want. AVe briefly re- 
 sponded that we wished to find the office 
 where the business for the regiment to 
 which I had been lately appointed was 
 transacted. 
 
 " Pass on into the court," said the man ; 
 " first house, and door to the right." 
 
 As we gained the open air, our 
 courage, like that of Bob Acres, began 
 to ooze out at our fingers' ends ; but 
 the thoughts of an empty exchequer, 
 many debts, and the Epping Hunt, 
 gave us an additional stimulus, and we 
 boldly walked into the building. Again 
 we paused near the threshold of the 
 door, upon which was painted, in white 
 letters, the name of the cori^s to Avhich 
 I belonged. A tall gaunt corporal, at 
 least six feet three, passed us by, little 
 dreaming that I was one of his superior 
 officers ; followed by five or six gentle-
 
 240 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 men, whose appearance marked them as 
 members of the same profession as myself. 
 Whilst hesitating what to do, the same 
 porter who had previously addressed us, 
 came in, and feeling that our characters 
 would be compromised if we delayed any 
 longer making our wishes known, we sum- 
 moned up a bold resolution, and entered the 
 small office. For a few seconds, we re- 
 mained passive, unheeded, and unnoticed 
 by the clerks, when just as with trembling 
 accents I was about to ask to look at my 
 account, to my great delight the door 
 opened, and my kind uncle, with whom I 
 occasionally passed the Saturdays and 
 Sundays, entered. 
 
 "Halloa, youngsters!" he exclaimed; 
 " what ! out without leave on a half-holiday ? 
 If Gary catches you, there'll be a rod in 
 pickle — you know the rest of the distich. 
 But I forgot," he continued, addressing him- 
 self to me; "I see you are gazetted to the 
 gallant Blues. When are you to join?" 
 
 Upon hearing this, the corporal to whom
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 241 
 
 I have before alluded moved back with 
 respect, and bringing up his right hand 
 briskly to the front of his cap, saluted my 
 uncle and myself. It was a scene worthy 
 of Cruikshank's graphic pencil : the gigantic 
 non-commissioned officer saluting the pigmy 
 cornet, and the head clerk looking not a 
 little astonished at finding a youth of little 
 more than thirteen years of age, in a jacket 
 and pair of schoolboy cords, described as an 
 officer in one of the most distin<2:uished re£:i- 
 ments in his Majesty's service. I then told 
 my uncle of my wish to see my account; 
 this was communicated to the head clerk, 
 and the ledger was brought and laid before 
 me. 
 
 On the debit side of the account appeared 
 sundry regimental charges upon being ap- 
 pointed to the corps, and on the credit side 
 the amount of pay made up to the day upon 
 which I called. While calculating, in my 
 own mind, the different items, the clerk 
 who seemed to anticipate my thoughts, gave 
 me a memorandum which showed that 
 
 VUL. I. M
 
 242 PERCr HAMILTON. 
 
 I was possessed of rather more than ten 
 pounds, after paying all necessary charges. 
 Thanking him for his attention, I turned to 
 my uncle, who good-humouredly bantered 
 me at my military importance, and expressed 
 a supposition that a "tip" would be incom- 
 patible with the dignity of an officer in his 
 Majesty's service : my only reply was in the 
 words of a popular ballad of that day — - 
 
 " Ply me, try me, prove ere you deny me," 
 
 which quotation so completely removed his 
 imaginary scruples that he immediately gave 
 Kirkonnel and myself a couple of guineas 
 each. Taking leave of our liberal patron, 
 we joined Mahony, who had been slinking 
 about the Court, and who, to adopt his own 
 Westminster phraseology, was in an awful 
 " funk" at our long absence. We soon re- 
 lieved his fears by showing him the sup- 
 plies we had received, and by pointing 
 out that our exchequer would be speedily 
 replenished by the balance of pay due to me.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 243 
 
 Losing no time in gaining Dean's Yard, we 
 reached "MotherPack's,'' just as "Dick" was 
 ringing-in some seventy voracious hungry 
 boys to their daily meal of tough meat, hard, 
 unboiled potatoes, and the sourest beer. As 
 soon as we were "locked up" (as the phrase 
 went) at our Avorthy Dame's, from two till 
 four, a meeting of our joint-stock bank 
 took place ; and the " money market," to 
 use the lano;uao-e of the Stock Exchano^e, 
 " looked up." The debts that required im- 
 mediate payment were thirty shillings to 
 Mouger, a Jewish purveyor of fruit, and one 
 pound to the pastry-cook, whose shop then 
 stood on the Millbank side of the river, near 
 the present site of the entrance to Vauxhall 
 Bridge, for cherry brandy, lemonade, ices, 
 jellies, and cakes, since the last " half." On 
 the credit side, we found my uncle's late pre- 
 sent of four guineas, balance at Messrs. 
 Greenwood and Cox, ten pounds eight shil- 
 lings — total £14 12s., which, after deducting 
 our pressing liabihties, left us the sum of 
 twelve pounds two shillings to devote to the 
 
 m2
 
 244 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 hire of horses for the Epping hunt and other 
 contingent expenses. 
 
 Often on half-holidays we had been in the 
 habit of hiring hacks, to take a ride in the 
 park, where we vainly flattered ourselves we 
 had made a considerable sensation. Our 
 plan was for one to act as groom ; the cos- 
 tume was easily got up, and was left at the 
 livery stables ; a gold lace band round the 
 hat, and some crest buttons on a great coat 
 soon formed it, and, with white cords and 
 top-boots, was no very despicable a dress for a 
 " tiger y In one of our excursions, when 
 Kirkonnel joined a friend of his father's, the 
 groom of the latter fell into a disquisition 
 with me, and gave me such an insight into 
 the domestic system, that it has been my 
 guide ever since. But I will not reveal "the 
 secrets of the prison-house" entrusted to me 
 in confidence, and when I was myself acting 
 under false colours. 
 
 On the following Saturday, we proceeded 
 to the job-master, then residing in Grantham- 
 place Mews, Park-lane, from whom we had
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 245 
 
 previously hired ponies and hacks, to make 
 known our wishes with respect to three 
 good hunters for Easter Monday. 
 
 " Jetn, v/hat shall we have at home the 
 %reek after next?" inquired the master, ad- 
 dressing his ostler. '' These young gentle- 
 men (gents were not then known) are anxious 
 to have a day with the Epping." 
 
 " There's the brown horse, Mountebank, 
 and the chestnut mare, Nina, will be up next 
 Monday from Leicester; but perhaps Sir 
 Harry will want them with the King's stag- 
 hounds," responded the other. " Then, 
 there's the thorough-bred grey, Fitz-James, 
 but he's rayther above the young gentle- 
 men's weight." 
 
 *' But, if Sir Harry does not want Mounte- 
 bank and Nina, you might keep them for 
 us? " 1 responded. 
 
 " At all events, you shall have the refusal 
 of them," continued the job-master, "and 
 ril take care you are properly mounted; 
 you know it's always an extra half-guinea 
 on Easter Monday ?" •*
 
 246 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 " "Well, we won't be hard with you," said 
 Kirkonnel, '' but, remember, we must have 
 three out-and-outers." 
 
 Having concluded our bargain, we ran 
 back to Dean's Yard, and, for the next fort- 
 night, could think of nothing but Epping 
 and its annual hunt. In the meantime, our 
 hunting costume vv^as looked out, the white 
 cords were neatly washed, the top-boots ela- 
 borately cleaned, the red hunting-coat well 
 brushed, the spurs highly polished, and the 
 whip replenished with whip cord. On the 
 Thursday before the important day we again 
 paid a flying visit to the dealer, who, to our 
 great satisfaction, told us that the three 
 celebrated hunters he had named to us 
 upon a former occasion would be in Palace 
 Yard^ Westminster, on the following Monday, 
 at eiirht o'clock in the morning. With this 
 assurance v/e took our leave, having pre- 
 viously paid down a deposit of a couple of 
 guineas, to '* prewent," as the ostler called 
 it, '' any mistake, or misunderstanding."
 
 PJ5ECY HAMILTON. 247 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 ■" This day a stag must die." — Hunting Song- 
 
 Epping Hunt — Appearance of the Mysterious dealer in 
 <jrreat Dean's Yard — The Aleet — ■"' AVe met : 'twas in a 
 Crowd " — The uncarted Hind^" She wore a Wreath of 
 Roses" — " Hair-breadth 'Scapes, and moving Accidents 
 by Flood aud Field." 
 
 The day but one previously to that upon 
 which we were (as we thought) to surprise 
 the weak minds of the cockney sportsmen, 
 duly arrived ; and, as we were sauntering 
 in the cloisters, talking rather largely how 
 we should " cut down " all the field, " set " 
 them at the first rasper, and " floor " them 
 in the brook, when a " fag " from Pack- 
 harness's made his appearance, and told us
 
 248 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 that a gentleman of the name of Smithet 
 wished to see us immediately. 
 
 " What can Sam Smithet want ? " ejacu- 
 lated Kirkonnel. 
 
 " There's a screw loose, I fear," rejoined 
 Pat Mahony ; for, be it known to our 
 readers, that Smirhet was the name of the 
 job-master already referred to. 
 
 We hurried oiF to our dame's, where, to 
 our great horror, we saw a large bevy of 
 urchins assembled round, and gazing at the 
 new comer, who was in close conference 
 with "Dick;" and, as weapproached nearer, 
 we caught a glimpse of Dr. Dodd's "spec- 
 tacles " peering through the blinds, and 
 saw the long attenuated neck of the house- 
 keeper Jane, and the plumper one of her 
 attendant Elizabeth, stretched forth to 
 get a view of our visitor. Nor could we 
 wonder at the sensation that had been 
 created when we looked at the figure before 
 us. jVIr. Smithet was a short, thick, stout, 
 punchy, fat man, with a purple pimpled 
 countenance, and a Bardolph-looking nose.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 249 
 
 His costume was not at all calculated to 
 hide the defects of his person, for it con- 
 sisted of a bright grass-green coat, with 
 shining brass buttons, canary-and-black 
 striped waistcoat, double-ribbed white cord 
 inexpressibles, which came down to and 
 covered the calves of his diminutive legs, 
 and which were met by a pair of mahogany 
 coloured top-boots, wrinkled to the ankles, 
 and leaving a large hiatus. A quantity of 
 white knee- ribands flaunted gracefully by 
 the side of his short but sturdy supporters. 
 A low-crowned broad-brimmed white hat 
 contrasted greatly with his fiery visage, 
 and a light blue spotted silk neckcloth, com- 
 monly called a bird's-eye pattern, completed 
 his attire. 
 
 As our friend, Mr. Smithet, had made 
 the best of his way from Park Lane to 
 Dean's Yard, to catch us before " lock-up " 
 hours, he was, to adopt a foreign phrase, 
 in a great " transpiration " — for perspiration 
 is English and vulgar. He was therefore 
 " mopping," or, as the sailors say, " swab- 
 
 M 3
 
 250 PERCY HAMILTOX. 
 
 bill or '' liis face and forehead with his red 
 cotton handkerchief, panting and blowing 
 like a broken-winded posthorse after a 
 fourteen mile job. " Sly Sam/' as the 
 dealer was familiarly called, not wishing the 
 object of liis errand to be knowni, had in- 
 quired of the porter at Mother Pack's 
 where his young friends, Lord Kirkonnel 
 and the Honourable Percy Hamilton were 
 to be found. This had caused a great 
 suspicion in the mind of the afore- mentioned 
 "Dick," who, albeit accustomed to see various 
 grades of visitors in the persons of country 
 gentlemen, London bucks, lawyers, apothe- 
 caries, butlers, stewards, and tutors, had 
 never before opened the door to such a 
 being as the one who had claimed fellow- 
 ship with two scions of the proud aristo- 
 cracy. " It must be a bailiff; but then 
 what can he want ? " thought "Dick :" " Pll 
 get rid of him, at all events ; " and he was 
 actually assuring the intruder that we 
 were away for the holidays, when we made 
 our appearance, thoroughly asliamed at the 
 appearance of our fat friend.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 251 
 
 " Your servant, Master Percy ! " said Mr. 
 Siriithet, taking off his hat respectfully. ^' I 
 left your worthy father quite well only a 
 few days ago ; he desired ine to call about 
 the pony I sold him for you." This latter 
 remark the wary dealer delivered with sucii 
 emphasis that it reached the all-attentive 
 ears of " Dick," who lost no time in com- 
 municating to our tutor, dame, housekeeper, 
 and the subordinates, that the mysterious 
 stranger was no less a personage than a 
 country horse dealer, and no friend whatever 
 of the~young gentlemen's. "Dick's" pride had 
 been considerably wounded at the idea that 
 any of his boys (as he called us) should 
 be accused of keeping low company, and 
 was delighted at having an opportunity of 
 rescuing our characters from such infamy. 
 No sooner was the station of our visitor 
 known, than all wonder ceased, and we were 
 permitted to hold our conversation with him 
 without fear of interruption. 
 
 " What I really had to say was this," re- 
 marked Mr. Smithet sotto voce^ as he looked
 
 252 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 round to see whether any one was within 
 ear-shot. 
 
 "All right!" responded Kirkonnel, as we 
 drew the dealer from the crowd towards a 
 quiet spot in the yard. 
 
 " You see, young gentlemen " — we were 
 all attention — " I hears from my ostler, Jem 
 Sarrell, that you are real good 'uns to go, 
 and that nothing whatsumever stops you." 
 
 Kirkonnel and ]\Iahony exchanged looks 
 of satisfaction, while 1 strutted prouder 
 than any bird of Juno that ever graced 
 Grecian mythology, or lived in modern 
 times. 
 
 " Jem says — and there arn't no better 
 judge nor Jem — that you'd take the shine 
 out of 'em at Melton.'* 
 
 Here we got so inwardly elated, that to adopt 
 a high-flown phrase (not our own, we beg 
 to declare), we " rollicked upon the billows 
 of our own self-sufficiency." Mr. Smithet 
 then proceeded to inform us that, as he 
 wished his horses to do justice to the won- 
 derful prowess of their riders, he proposed
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 253 
 
 to send them on over night, at his own 
 expense, to the Bald-faced Stag, Epping, 
 there to await us fresh on the IMonday 
 morning. 
 
 " How handsome ! '' we simultaneously 
 exclaimed ; " but we can't think of letting 
 the whole expense fall upon you;" said our 
 Chancellor of the Exchequer ; " we must 
 divide it." 
 
 The dealer looked and expressed himself 
 quite overcome with our liberality, still 
 inwardly thinking that he had never before 
 met with three greater flats. 
 
 " Then, as for going to cover, I can I'ur- 
 nish three extraordinary good roadsters ; or, if 
 the young gentlemen like to wary the scene, 
 they can have one riding 'orse, and my dog- 
 cart, with the American trotter, Sangaree ; 
 that will carry two in front and Jem behind.'' 
 At once we decided in favour of the latter 
 proposition, if it could be carried out within 
 our means, and were about to inquire into 
 the extra expense that would be incurred, 
 when " Sly Sam," with wonderful acuteness,
 
 254 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 seemed to anticipate our ideas, for he at 
 once said, " I shan't be hard with you, young 
 gentlemen, about the going to cover. As a 
 matter in course, I shall charge you nothing 
 for my zrehicle : the usual price of the hack 
 for the day will be one guinea ; but 1 leave 
 all to you. ]\Iy oljject ar'nt so much profit 
 as it is to do the thing handsome." 
 
 Unquestionably, Mr. Smithet upon this 
 occasion spoke the truth, for never was 
 anything done more handsomely than — we 
 were, as will be developed in the further 
 progress of this adventure. Just as the 
 honest job-master had finished this specious 
 harangue, the deep-toned bell of the Abbey, 
 like that of the curfew of olden times, told 
 us (we mean no play upon the word tolled) 
 that it was time to depart ; and, wishing our 
 Master of the Horse good night, we reached 
 the hall of our dame's in time to answer our 
 names at the usual evening I'oll-call. I pass 
 over the remaining period, and bring my 
 readers to the Monday morning, when the 
 event, that we had so long and so fondly
 
 TERCY HAMILTON. 255 
 
 looked forward to, was to come off. At an 
 early hour we were called, and, after a most 
 elaborate toilet, proceeded to a small coffee- 
 house in the purlieus of Dean's Yard, to 
 enjoy a breakfast Avhich had been ordered over 
 night. We then made the best of our way 
 to Palace Yard, where Jem Sarrell the 
 ostler, the dog cart, and hack were in at- 
 tendance ; and, after some little discussion, 
 it was agreed that we should equally divide 
 the distance by each mounting the "oride- 
 niable " roadster one-third of the way. Kir- 
 konnel commenced operations on the animal, 
 while Mahony and myself, accompanied by 
 Jem, took our seats behind the celebrated 
 trotter, Sangaree. 
 
 No sooner had we quitted the suburb of 
 the metropolis than we found the road 
 thronged with equestrians, pedestrians, and 
 carriage company. Every vehicle from a 
 barouche-and-four down to the Whitechapel 
 cart was in requisition. As we entered the 
 town of Epping, so famed for its hunt and 
 sausages, we found it densely crowded with
 
 256 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 people from London and all parts of the 
 country. Threading our way through car- 
 riages, hackney coaches, dog-carts, donkey- 
 chaises, vans, and waggons, our Yankee 
 " clipper" trotted us at an awful pace to the 
 place of meeting, near the Bald-faced Stag. 
 Here we found our hunters in readiness; 
 but, as the hounds had not yet made their 
 appearance, we lit our cigars, and remained 
 in the dog-cart. After the delay of half an 
 hour, the notes of a horn were heard, and a 
 shout from the sportsmen already assembled 
 pronounced that the huntsman and hounds 
 were in view, " Here they come ! " " There 
 they bees ! " " Just over the hill ! " " What 
 a beautiful sight ! " These and such other 
 sounds of delight now escaped from the lips 
 of many a cockney Nimrod, as he rushed 
 gallantly forward to meet the celebrated 
 pack. The huntsman sported a very anti- 
 quated red frock-coat, a bright yellow waist- 
 coat, inexpressibles of indescribable hue, and 
 a pair of topless boots. His horse was evi- 
 dently a bit of blood, but rather the worse
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 257 
 
 for wear. The whipper-in was equipped in 
 Lincohi-green coat and waistcoat, evidently 
 borrowed for the day from the verderer of 
 the neighbouring forest, while a pair of 
 white cords and gaiters completed his cos- 
 tume. His horse was what is called " a rum 
 'un to look at, but a good 'un to go," as was 
 proved in the course of the day. But, 
 before we proceed to make further notice of 
 other steeds, we must look to our own. 
 
 Upon descending from our dog-cart, and 
 approaching our hunters, great was our 
 consternation to find that three greater 
 screws than our highly-vaunted thorough- 
 bred cattle never existed. Mountebank had 
 regular Chinese feet, extremely small, one 
 being much less than the other ; independ- 
 ently of this great defect, his heels were con- 
 tracted, his frogs diseased and imperfect. 
 Nina had a sandcrack, which ran longitudi- 
 nally from the coronet into the hoof, deep 
 enough to affect the sensible parts of the 
 foot; her legs, one of which was larger than
 
 258 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 the other, appeared rather more round than 
 flat; the sinews and ligaments could not be 
 distinctly felt, with large splints immediately 
 below the knee-joint. Fitz- James was, if 
 anything, quite the " worser " of the lot. 
 He was like a giblet-pie — all legs, and 
 wings, and neck. A large scar on the knee, 
 with the surrounding parts enlarged and 
 thickened, and every appearance of hav- 
 ing been recently wounded, showed that 
 he had lately "cut" a considerably bad 
 fio-ure; his hind feet were affected with 
 thrushes, while a dull, cloudy, watery eye, 
 with the inner corner of the lid puckered 
 up, proved that the statement made by Jem 
 Sarrell, that the imperfection of the optics 
 had been caused by an accidental blow, or by 
 some hay-seed falling into it, was a down- 
 right falsehood. 
 
 " Well, young gentlemen," said this men- 
 dacious stealer of oats, " if you are not 
 satisfied with your hunters in the field, you 
 shall have your money back, and have your 
 day's sport for nothing," With this assur-
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 259 
 
 ance, having previously drawn lots for our 
 respective steeds, we prepared to mount. 
 Mountebank had fallen to Kirkonnel; Nina 
 to Mahony; and Fitz- James to myself. 
 
 " Depend upon it," said the ostler, " they'll 
 go like good 'uns when they get a little hot." 
 
 Return we now to the pack, which con- 
 sisted of ten couples, of ever}' shape, colour, 
 and size. Four couples of dwarf staghounds, 
 two-and-a-half drafted from the " drag" 
 pack of a sporting cavalry regiment then 
 quartered at Romford, and the remaining 
 three-and-a-half ditto from some Union 
 Hunt in Scotland. After a quarter of an 
 hour's delay, a cart, decorated with flags 
 and pennons, was drawn up, from which a 
 young hind, called the " Essex Lass," 
 whose neck was ornamented with laurel 
 leaves, wreaths of roses, and gaudy-coloured 
 ribands, was turned out. Every one was 
 then eager for the fray, and all seemed 
 anxious to save the hounds the trouble of 
 huntin": their o-ame. 
 
 " Hold hard ! " shouted the huntsman.
 
 260 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 " Ware horse ! " cried another. 
 
 " Give her ten minutes' law ! " said a 
 sporting-looking dealer. 
 
 " I'll take the hounds home," bellowed the 
 huntsman, " if you won't hold hard." 
 
 In the mean time, despite of the shouting, 
 whooping, hallooing, screaming of the human, 
 the yelling, barking, whining of the canine 
 race, nothing could induce the affrighted 
 animal to quit the crowd. At last, the whip- 
 per-in, assisted by Jem Sarrell, got her into 
 a trot, and finally to an increased pace, when 
 a sort of Indian war-whoop cry from the 
 crowd completed their work, and away went 
 the " Essex Lass " at a rattling pace over a 
 good inclosed grass country. Scarcel}'^ had 
 live minutes elapsed, when the impatience of 
 the field became so great that the hounds 
 were laid on. 
 
 "Yoicks! Dairymaid; have at her, Gay- 
 lad! Gambol has it. Forward! forward!" 
 shouted the huntsman ; and away we went, 
 hurry-scurry, helter-skelter, red coats, green, 
 blue, drab, and black coats, butchers' and
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 261 
 
 grocers' boys with no coats at all; horses 
 without riders; sheep-dogs, terriers, curs, 
 turnspits ; donkeys, dustmen, sweeps, dandies, 
 Whitechapel " swells," London horse-deal- 
 ers, baronets, cads, and touters. Happily, 
 a deep yawning brook produced a most 
 desirable effect — that of making the field 
 very select ; under ordinary circumstances, 
 it would have required a good water 
 jumper to have cleared it ; but the diffi- 
 culty was considerably increased upon the 
 present occasion, by the crowd of idle 
 men and boys assembled on its banks, and 
 perched up in the willows, who were shout- 
 ing, hallooing, and looking out for a fall, in 
 the hopes that they might benefit by it, by 
 mounting any steed that had thrown its 
 rider. Kirkonnel, Pat Mahony, and myself 
 (though I say it that should not) took the lead, 
 and charged the brook at a rattling pace ; 
 both my companions succeeded in clearing 
 it, while I, unfortunately, got right into the 
 middle of it. Fitz-James, whose optics were 
 evidently defective, swerved as he approached
 
 262 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 the water, and despite of all my cramming 
 and ramming him at it, came with his chest 
 against the opposite bank. 
 
 A shout of exultation arose from the 
 assembled multitude as the gallant grey 
 floundered in the stream. Keeping firm hold 
 of the bridle, and landing on the other side, 
 I in vain tried to extricate the animal, when, 
 just as I was giving it over in despair, who 
 should come galloping down but a cockney- 
 lookino; o-entleman on the identical roadster 
 that we had ridden from London, and which 
 that avaricious trickster, Mr. Smithet, had 
 not only charged us for as a cover hack, but 
 had let out as a hunter to a young lawyer's 
 clerk. Nothing could exceed the gallant 
 manner in which the horse went at the brook, 
 much ajrainst the inclination of the rider, 
 who in his attempt to check him, lost his 
 equilibrium, and fell into the water, the 
 animal clearing it in his stride. A *' clod,' 
 who was on the opposite bank, caught hold 
 of the bridle ; and, as I saw at once that the 
 hack was better than the hunter, I lost no
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 263 
 
 time in urging the man of law, who had now 
 landed on terra Jirma, to exchange horses, 
 assuring him that the grey was as quiet as a 
 lamb, and that the hack was as hot and fiery 
 as Pegasus himself. Nor was I guilty of a 
 false representation ; for Fitz-James, who 
 had just scrambled up the bank, now drenched 
 to the skin, looked more like a half-drowned 
 rat than a runaway hunter; while the hack 
 was pawing the ground, fretting, and trying 
 to get away from the strong hold of the tiller 
 of the ground. 
 
 The lawyer's clerk caught at my offer, 
 and, after informing him that both horses 
 belonged to Mr. Smithet, we mounted our 
 steeds, and away I went "upon the pinions 
 of the wind:" happily for me the hind was 
 headed by a sheep-dog within three fields of 
 the scene of my mishap, which gave me an 
 opportunity of regaining my lost place ; and 
 in the space of a few minutes I found myself 
 by the side of Mahony and Kirkonnel. Be- 
 fore I had time to enter into any explana- 
 tion, or to prove that ray exchange had been
 
 264 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 no robbery, the " Essex Lass " again went 
 away at a rattling pace, and, after a smart- 
 ish burst of five-and- twenty minutes, was 
 again headed by a market-gardener and his 
 men, who, armed with pitchforks and staves, 
 declared that no one should ride across his 
 asparagus beds. 
 
 This check gave the stragglers a chance, 
 and to my great horror I saw Fitz- James 
 trotting along the road, with a profusion of 
 blood issuing from his fetlocks and knees, 
 both horse and rider being covered with mud. 
 Before, however, they could approach me, 
 the hounds had again settled down to their 
 work ; the line now lay over a good grass 
 country right up to Woodford, where the 
 huntsman having completely pumped out 
 his own horse, acting upon the principle of 
 " discretion being the better part of valour," 
 stopped the hounds, and spared the venison ; 
 much to the annoyance of many a cockney, 
 who had fondly hoped to have had the lines 
 of the song realized — 
 
 " This dav a hind must die !"
 
 TERCY HAMILTON. 265 
 
 During the process of " capping " — a ce- 
 remony that was neither fully nor fashion- 
 ably attended — the lawyer's clerk, accom- 
 panied by a friend, also in the legal profes- 
 sion, made their appearance, and it required 
 no great physiognomist to see that the former 
 was extremely angry. 
 
 " I never was treated in so unhandsome 
 a manner before," said the spokesman, who 
 handed me a card upon which was printed 
 in Koman characters, elaborately ornamented, 
 the name of Mr. Josias Simms, solicitor, 24, 
 Lincoln's Inn Fields. " To be charo;ed two 
 guineas for a hunter for the day, and nearly 
 thirteen and fourpence for a man to take 
 him to cover, gates, and baiting, and to be 
 put on a runaway brute." 
 
 " Shameful !" I exclaimed, interrupting 
 the disconcerted Nimrod. 
 
 " But that's not the worst. To be told by 
 you, whom I took to be a gentleman — " 
 
 "Sir!" I again said, summoning all the 
 dignity that I thought to be due to a cornet 
 in His Majesty's service. 
 
 VOL. I. N
 
 266 TERCT HAMILTON. 
 
 "Yes, you, Sir!" continued the irate 
 Latitat. " To palm off upon me a purblind, 
 tumble-down, speedy-cutting cripple — it's 
 infamous — but I'll take the law of you." 
 
 " Listen !" I calmly responded. 
 
 " I'll hear nothing," continued Mr. Simms. 
 "This is my friend, Mr. Skinner, Junior, of 
 the firm of Noakes, Skinner, and Son, at- 
 torne3^s-at-law, Furnival's Inn. I refer you 
 to him." 
 
 Mr. Skinner, Junior, now presented his 
 card. 
 
 "Between solicitors' and attorneys' clerks," 
 said I to Mahony, " I am in a mess. You 
 must stand by me." 
 
 " Solicitor and attorney !" repeated Kir- 
 konnel, " why what's the difference?" 
 
 " Just the difference between a crocodile 
 and an alligator, as Jekyll said ;" responded 
 Paddy. 
 
 This so raised the choler of both limbs of 
 the law, that they poured forth a volley of 
 anathemas upon our devoted heads. Simms 
 had now worked himself up to such a pitch
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 267 
 
 of passion, that he was not over choice in 
 the selection of his expressions; not so Mr. 
 Skinner, who having the organ of legal 
 prudence, urged his friend not to commit 
 himself, upon which Mr. Josias Simms, with 
 the fear of the chief justice of the Court of 
 Common Pleas before him, wound up his 
 harangue in the following splendid pero-- 
 ration : — " Sir, you are — you are — " here he 
 looked ready to burst with passion. "You 
 are — everything that's not actionable!" 
 
 This scene had passed so quickty, that I 
 had scarcely time to notice the steed upon 
 which Mr. Skinner, Junior, was mounted, 
 but which, upon more minute examination, 
 I found to be the identical Yankee clipper, 
 Sangaree, that we had driven down to Ep- 
 ping. Whilst hesitating whether to reply 
 to Mr. Simms's remark by a hioch down 
 argument, or to retaliate upon him for ap- 
 propriating our dog-cart horse to his use, 
 Kirkonnel, who combined the suaviter in 
 modo with the fortiter in r<?, now came for- 
 ward, and assured the two legal functionaries 
 
 n2
 
 268 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 that, although no offence was meant, his 
 friend, Mr. Percy Hamilton, would be ready- 
 to resent any affront, and that he, Lord 
 Kirkonnel, was to be heard of either at his 
 uncle's in Grosvenor Square, or at his own 
 residence in Great Dean's Yard, Westmin- 
 ster. 
 
 " Mr. Percy Hamilton, Lord Kirkonnel 
 — " ejaculated Simms and Skinner simul- 
 taneously. 
 
 " It cannot be — is your lordship ac- 
 quainted with Mr. Sanders — Mr. William 
 Sanders?" 
 
 "What! Billy Sanders!" we both res- 
 ponded. " He's one of our greatest cronies." 
 
 " Pray accept our apologies !" continued 
 Skinner and Simms. " It was only last 
 evening, at the Eccentrics, that he mention- 
 ed your lordship's and the Honourable Mr. 
 Hamilton's names : he promised to honour 
 us by an introduction. We trust any hasty 
 words of ours will be freely forgiven and 
 forgotten." 
 
 Delighted to make up the breach, we
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 269 
 
 gladly extended our hands in amity; and 
 hearing that our late foes were about to pro- 
 ceed to the Bald-faced Stag, to partake of an 
 early dinner, we with pleasure agreed to 
 join their party, feeling that the wisest man- 
 ner of settling the affair was (having ended 
 the fray) to flee to the feast. Here Jem 
 Sarrell presented us with our respective bills, 
 and durins: dinner we talked over Mr. 
 Smithet and his doings. Upon making up 
 the " tottle of the whole" (as one of the most 
 practical economists of the present House 
 of Commons is wont to call it), we found the 
 following charges : — 
 
 « THE HON. PERCY HAMILTON AND FRIENDS, 
 
 To Samuel Smithet. 
 
 £ s. d. £ s. d. 
 
 To three hunters, at £2. 2s. each 6 G 
 
 To a hack to cover 1 1 
 
 To half expenses of three hunters and 
 man to Epping. Hay, corn, beans ; 
 
 man's keep : turnpikes, ostler, &c 15 
 
 To baithig dog-cart horse, turnpikes, 
 
 ostler,&c 6 
 
 8 8 
 
 Ostler
 
 270 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 "JOSIAS SIMMS, ESQ., AND FRIEND, 
 To Samuel Smithet. 
 To two hunters, at £2. 2s. each— (N.B. £ s. d- 
 
 Our hack and dog-cart horse) 4 4 
 
 To expense of two huntere to cover, bait- 
 ing, man, turnpikes, &c 12 
 
 4 16 
 
 Ostler 
 
 Grand Total £13 4 0" 
 
 By a perusal of the above " small account," 
 our readers will readily understand the whole 
 of " Sly Sara's " proceedings. Aware as he 
 was that our three hunters were not sound 
 enough to be ridden by us to the place of 
 meeting, he easily persuaded us to hire a 
 hack, and avail ourselves of what then 
 appeared to be a disinterested offer — the 
 use of his dog-cart ; but, when we discovered 
 that both the hack and the American trotter 
 had previously been let out as hunters, and 
 that we were to take them to Epping free of 
 expense to their owner; and, moreover, that 
 we were to be called upon to pay half the 
 expenses of our three hunters, for the 
 night, when our new acquaintance, Simms,
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 271 
 
 could prove that he passed these celebrated 
 animals on the road between Whitechapel 
 and Snaresbrook, we denounced the whole 
 affair as a dead robbery, and expressed to 
 Jem Sarrell our determination to resist so 
 gross an imposition. The ostler pleaded 
 most eloquently for his master, and was so 
 far successful that we agreed to pay six 
 guineas for the three hunters, and two 
 guineas for the hack and dog-cart. A pre- 
 sent of ten shillings to the ostler was most 
 thankfully acknowledged; and dinner being 
 announced, we sat down to our meal, de- 
 lighted at having taxed the dealer's bill, 
 and reduced so large a portion of it. 
 
 Mr. Josias Simms now took the chair, 
 Mr. Skinner acting as vice; and a more 
 agreeable repast I never remembered to 
 have attended. The worthy president in- 
 formed us that upon mounting Fitz-James, 
 he had anticipated a most perfect gallop, 
 but, unfortunately, before he had gone 
 many yards, the gallant grey, " seemed 
 determined to cut his own fore leg off,"
 
 272 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 and so far succeeded in the attempt, that 
 in going at his best pace along a road, the 
 brute gave himself a gash below the knee, 
 fell upon his head, causing his rider to 
 throw a summerset in the air, and landing 
 him in a black and foetid ditch. Upon re- 
 mounting, Mr. Simms thought it more pru- 
 dent to try a trot than a gallop ; but here 
 again he was baffled, for whether in his slow 
 or fast paces, the animal was guilty (as 
 the professional gentleman remarked) of 
 "cutting and maiming." Scarcely had he 
 gone a quarter of a mile, than Fitz-James 
 inflicted a severe wound on his fetlock, came 
 down upon his knees, broke them both, and 
 nearly exterminated his rider. Skinner had 
 been more fortunate than his brother lawyer, 
 the American trotter being exactly the sort 
 of horse suited to the road ; and as the attor- 
 ney was somewhat nervous, he had confined 
 himself throughout the whole day to pound- 
 ing along the highway. It was curious to 
 trace the horse-dealer's artful dodges. 
 
 A week previous to our first interview
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 273 
 
 with Mr. Smithet, as we have already had 
 occasion to remark, Simms had enojao^ed the 
 two horses that had conveyed us to Epping. 
 The difficulty upon our arrival was to send 
 them back to the Bald-faced Stag, where 
 the two legal Nimrods were waiting, to 
 join the hunt. Our readers may remember 
 that we remained in the dog-cart for some 
 little time, enjoying our havannahs; during 
 which period Jem Sarrell was upon the 
 tenter-hooks of anxiety, fearing that his 
 other customers would get impatient, and 
 proceed in their phaeton to the place where 
 we had assembled. No sooner, then, had we 
 vacated the dog-cart, than the transformation 
 commenced. A saddle and bridle were 
 taken out of it; Sangaree was unharnessed, 
 and shortly appeared as a hunter. We cannot 
 pause to dilate upon our dinner; suffice it to 
 say, the song and the jest went round; toasts 
 were proposed, and responded to ; " The 
 Legal Profession," " Westminster School," 
 " The Hounds," " The Essex Lass," were 
 all given with due honours. The landlord's 
 
 N 3
 
 274 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 bottle and the bill were now called for; and, 
 as a specimen of the charges of those days 
 may not be uninteresting to our readers, we 
 lay before them the following important 
 document : — 
 
 " BALD-FACED STAG. FIVE GENTLEMEN, No 4. 
 
 £ 8. d. 
 
 To mutton chops and dressing 15 
 
 Potatoes and butter 5 
 
 Pickles, &c 5 
 
 Tarts and custard .... 12 6 
 
 Bread, cheese and cold butter 5 
 
 Celery and water-cresses 2 8 
 
 Beer ■ 5 
 
 Oldport 117 6 
 
 £4 7 8" 
 
 Our new acquaintances strongly urged us 
 to allow them to settle the above account, 
 but we as resolutely refused ; and, after a 
 considerable argument upon the subject, it 
 ended by our equally dividing the amount. 
 Mr. Simms's phaeton was then announced, 
 and lighting our cigars (Bacci and Bacchy 
 2')lenus^ as Mahony remarked), we entered 
 the sporting vehicle. " Let them go, "
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 275 
 
 said the lawyer to the horsekeeper, " I've 
 got them : " and away went two half-starved, 
 high-bred looking animals, at the rate of 
 fourteen miles an hour. To describe our 
 journey to London would require the pen 
 of one who had not, like myself, imbibed a 
 bottle of strong port. All I can record 
 is, that the dim oily rays that occasionally 
 twinkled from a wayside public-house looked 
 double ; that the five-barred turnpike-gates 
 appeared ten-barred ; that the keepers of 
 them were magnified ; and that as we 
 drove up to the chambers of Mr. Josias 
 Simms, in Lincoln's Inn Fields, we were 
 all in a state of fearful oscillation — whether 
 caused by the fumes of the fiery wine, or 
 the fatigues of the day, we leave our readers 
 to determine. 
 
 "Halloa! Jos!" shouted a voice that I 
 fancied familiar to my ears ; " what sport 
 with the Essex calf and calves ? " 
 
 " Glorious ! an hour and twenty minutes, 
 without a check ! " 
 
 Simms had even seen his run double.
 
 276 TERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 " But, Billy, you must come up — broiled 
 kidneys, champagne, a bowl of punch, and 
 three of your Westminster chums ! " 
 
 " I fancied it was you ; " responded 
 Sanders, at the same time extending 
 his hand to Kirkonnel, Pat Mahony, 
 and myself. " Come ! descend from 
 your vehicle, and let us see if we cannot 
 show you some life in Lincoln's Inn." 
 
 Obeying the summons, we lost no time in 
 following our host, Mr. Simras, up three 
 pair of stairs to a very snug front room, in 
 the centre of which appeared a round table, 
 with every preparation upon it for supper. 
 The book-cases contained some musty-look- 
 ing law books, while the cupboards beneath 
 displayed a rich phalanx of bottles, labelled 
 as " Fine old Rum," " Shrub," '' Hollands," 
 " Brand)^" and " Regent's Punch ; " but 
 we must reserve the account of our 
 supper and nocturnal orgies for another 
 chapter.
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 277 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 Spree with the " Charleys" — A Night in the "Watch-house 
 — Our release from Durance Vile— Exeter 'Change as it 
 was, and as it is — The Invisible Girl — Romeo Coates — 
 Correspondence from Marlow, Oxford, and Cambridge — 
 Boating on the Thames — Pigeon Shooting at the Red 
 House — "The Biter bit" — Reflections onGamuig— "Fa- 
 cilis descensus Averni." 
 
 " Wliat more can Bacchus teach men. 
 His roaring boys when drunk, 
 Than break the lamps, beat watchmen. 
 
 And stagger home dead drunk ?" 
 
 Midas. 
 
 Our last chapter terminated with the pre- 
 paration for a grand supper in Mr. Josias 
 Simms's three-pair front, which was duly 
 served from a neighbouring tavern. After 
 imbibing a more than quantum suff. of cham-
 
 278 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 pagne and Regent's punch, and smoking 
 some mild havannahs, we sallied forth to 
 have a spree with the " Charleys ;" and, after 
 breaking sundry lamps, wrenching off some 
 dozen knockers, flooring numerous guar- 
 dians of the night, ringing endless bells, tak- 
 ing down all the barbers' poles, golden 
 balls, sugar-loafs, and Highland figures that 
 came in our way, we proceeded to deposit 
 them before the residence of a learned law au- 
 thority, who had made himself offensive to 
 our host. Our next movement was to fas- 
 ten all the knockers in a neighbouring street 
 together; and, by this ingenious device, no 
 sooner had one door been opened than it 
 produced a double rap on its neighbour, 
 which Avas carried on by the same operation 
 throughout the entire street. 
 
 While enjoying this practical joke, we 
 were all, with the exception of the prime 
 mover, Sanders, captured by a posse of 
 watchmen, and conveyed to a neighbouring 
 station, where we were safely caged for the 
 night. When morning broke, we had ample
 
 TERCY HAMILTON. 279 
 
 time to think over our folly : never were the 
 lines of the poet more fully realized than 
 upon the present occasion : — 
 
 "Vides lit pallidas omnis 
 Ccena desurgat diibia? quin corpus onostum 
 Hcsternis vitiis aiuminn quoque pra?gravat unh, 
 Atque affigit humo divinte particulam aurse!" 
 
 for a more pallid, debauched set of victims 
 were never seen. At an early hour the con- 
 stable on duty called for our names and 
 places of residence, which, following the ex- 
 ample of ancient and modern fashionable 
 lamp- breakers, Ave gave as Smith, Brown, 
 and Jones. Mr. Skinner, who had a pro- 
 fessional engagement at daylight, previously 
 to his attending the Court of Requests on 
 behalf of a client, was most importunate to 
 be set at liberty ; for, unlike the Roman law- 
 yers under the Commonwealth, who before 
 cock- crowing gave advice gratis, our attor- 
 ney looked for a bill of costs, in the shape 
 of letters, consultations, advice, attendance, 
 and messengers. While considering what
 
 280 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 steps we should take to emancipate the law- 
 yer from his confinement, the inimitable 
 Billy Sanders and his friend Alderson, whis- 
 kered and mustachioed, made their appear- 
 ances; and the former, in a pompous tone 
 of broken English, desired to speak with the 
 principal officer at the station. The cards 
 they presented bore the following high- 
 sounding inscriptions : " Le Baron Hokes- 
 enheimel, Conseiller de L'Ambassade de S. 
 M. L'Empereur D'Autriche;" and " Count 
 Sowerkroutenbergen." 
 
 The soi-disant Baron then began to ex- 
 plain that one of the prisoners, Count 
 Skinnere, was attached to the embassy ; 
 and that, by the laws of the country, he was 
 free from arrest. 
 
 " Skinner ! No one of the name of Skin- 
 ner among the charges," replied the superan- 
 nuated keeper of the lock-up house. 
 
 " Smith Skinner," responded Sanders, 
 who had looked over the list of the cap- 
 tured. 
 
 " I'll be security for Count Skinnere."
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 281 
 
 " I beg your Excellency's pardon," said 
 the man of authority. " We were not 
 aware of the rank or station of the ac- 
 cused. Your Excellency's authority is 
 quite sufficient ; and the other gentlemen, 
 perhaps they would like to speak to the 
 watchmen on duty last night." 
 
 " Upon this hint we spake," 
 
 as Alderson remarked ; and following that 
 Shaksperian authority, who Avhispered, 
 
 " Win him with gifts, if he respect not words ; 
 Dumb guineas often in their silent kind 
 More than quick words do move a Charley's mind," 
 
 we slipped a handsome douceur into the 
 hands of the venerable guardians of the 
 peace, who, after declaring that they scorned 
 all attempts at compromising their duty, 
 and held bribery in detestation, quietly 
 slipped the coin into their pockets, and pro- 
 ceeded to consult Avith their chief. This 
 latter personage then duly informed their 
 Excellencies and ourselves that as some
 
 282 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 question had been entertained with respect 
 to the share we had taken in the last night's 
 proceedings, and that as the spirit of the 
 British law was that the accused should 
 ever have the benefit of any doubt, we 
 should be dismissed from durance vile, upon 
 the payment of the usual fees. 
 
 " It might have happened your loi-d- 
 ship," remarked this dignitary, " that the 
 gentlemen, attracted by curosity^ were 
 merely lookers on ; and that the real delin- 
 quents escaped." 
 
 " ' Why you speak like an ancient and 
 quiet watchman. The watch ought to 
 offend no man ; and it is an offence to stay 
 a man against his will,' " spouted Count 
 Sowerkroutenbergen, in his vernacular 
 tongue. 
 
 The foolish officer looked all aghast at 
 his Excellency's pure pronunciation. 
 
 " ' There's for thy pains.' * Adieu ! be 
 vigilant.' ' When next you comprehend 
 three auspicious persons,' ' take their exami- 
 nation before his worship ' at Bow Street.
 
 PERCY HAJIILTON. 283 
 
 or we may liken you to the foolish officer of 
 Messina, and ' write you down an ass.' " 
 
 "Impudent varlets!" retorted the duped 
 victim, as we gained the street, and once 
 more enjoyed the fresh air and the English- 
 man's boast — freedom. 
 
 As our apparel was rather in a seedy 
 state, and the Wearers of it in little better 
 condition, we retired to Simm's chambers, 
 where we speedily refreshed the outward 
 and inward man with plentiful ablutions of 
 cold water and hot coffee. Finding that 
 our leaves of absence extended until the fol- 
 lowing day, Frank Alderson and his chum, 
 Billy Sanders, proposed to lionize us over the 
 sights of the metropolis, to give us a chop at 
 " Dolly's," and to finish our evening at the 
 play. Exeter 'Change was the first spot we 
 visited, where we saw the animals fed. AVho 
 that has witnessed the melancholy change 
 that has within a few years taken place on 
 the property of the noble marquis, will not 
 exclaim with the Peruvian hero, " We want
 
 284 PERCY HAAnLTON. 
 
 no change; but least of all such change as 
 you would give us ?" 
 
 Who that remembers the bustle, activity, 
 and spirit of the former Arcade, enlivened 
 with the sounds of a so-called mihtary band ; 
 who that witnessed the gaudy appearance of 
 the beef-eaters, in their gorgeous red and 
 gold liveries, without, and listened to the 
 roars, cries, groans, screeches, yells, and 
 screams of the lions, tigers, panthers, mon- 
 keys, and birds within ; who that gazed 
 upon the well-stocked counters, the bats, 
 balls, kites, hoops of the toy-shop, the Bath 
 buns, blanc-manges, jellies, tartlets, sponge- 
 cakes of the pastry-cooks, and the ranges of 
 useful and ornamental articles, will fail to 
 contrast the past, with the present deserted, 
 dreary building, with its few scantily- 
 furnished shops, and solitary beadle. The 
 invisible girl was (to use an Hiber- 
 nicism) our next sight; and a more 
 wonderful piece of mechanism was never 
 invented. This automaton replied to every
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 285 
 
 question put to her in the clearest and most 
 distinct manner, and far eclipsed any of the 
 mysterious ladies or gentlemen of modern 
 days. Frank Alderson divided the attention 
 of the spectators by his apt quotations from 
 the bard of Avon : — 
 
 " Well, bring our lady hither to our sight," 
 
 he exclaimed to the person who superin- 
 tended the exhibition ; and, when the fair 
 unseen one responded, in a plaintive tone, 
 that she was happier 
 
 " Apart from busy tumult's cares," 
 
 Alderson rejoined, 
 
 " 'Tis wonderful ! 
 This was well done, my bird : 
 Thy shape invisible retain thou stiU." 
 
 After this exhibition, we visited the British 
 Museum and the Tower, and wound up our 
 day's amusement with a stroll in the Park. 
 Here Billy Sanders showed us all the
 
 286 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 men of note of the day : Brummell, and 
 his " fat friend" the Prince Regent ; the 
 celebrated Mrs. Mary Ann Clarke ; Sir 
 Francis Burdett ; James and Horace 
 Smith, joint authors of the " Rejected Ad- 
 dresses ;" Lumley Skeffington; G. Colman; 
 Monk Lewis ; and others of minor note in 
 the fashionable, literary, and dramatic world. 
 Byron drove by in his open carriage, with 
 Douglas Kinnaird, and gave us the most 
 gracious recoo-nition, which raised us not a 
 little in the estimation of our friends. 
 
 Among the carriages that graced Hyde 
 Park at that period was the new curricle of 
 Romeo Coates. Its colour was a rich maroon, 
 approaching to what is now the roj^al colour ; 
 its form w^as quite new, and somewhat ec- 
 centric. The crest was a fine specimen of 
 the galliiiacious tribe, surmounted with the 
 motto, " While I live I'll crow." The 
 Amateur of Fashion (as he was termed) 
 was but a moderate performer, exciting 
 the risible faculties of his audience where 
 their sympathies ought to have been
 
 TERCY HAMILTON. 287 
 
 moved. The dying scene in Romeo and Juliet 
 was universally encored; and, in the Fair 
 Penitent^ where the stage-struck hero enacted 
 the part of the gallant gay Lothario, many 
 points and scenes were called for again, 
 amidst the shouts and jeers of the public. 
 Mr. Coates was a lamentable proof of the 
 truth of the saying, how little we know our- 
 selves ; with an independent fortune, a good 
 education, and the manners of a gentleman, 
 he misrht have been a brilliant ornament of 
 society ; nay, further, he might have followed 
 his acting mania, and shone as a star in 
 private theatricals; but to appear upon the 
 public boards was an act of folly that, after 
 the novelty had worn off, became a positive 
 annoyance to the playgoing world.* 
 
 As I had received a twelvemonth's leave 
 from the commander-in-chief before joining 
 my regiment, the question had been discussed 
 
 * Since writing the above, poor Romeo Coates has gone 
 to " the tomb of the Montagues and Capulets." In private 
 life, he was much esteemed, and m his latter years made up 
 for tlie eccentricities of his earlier ones, by a life of useful- 
 ness and benevolence.
 
 288 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 by my parents as to where I could best pass 
 that period. The military college at Marlow 
 (since removed to Sandhurst), the Oxford 
 and Cambridge universities, a private tutor, 
 had all been suggested ; and my views were 
 sounded upon the subject. Anxious to 
 weigh the matter fairly over in my mind, I 
 asked for and obtained a fortnight for con- 
 sideration, devoting that period to making 
 inquiries from old Westminsters as to the 
 merits and demerits of the respective places. 
 My Marlow correspondent at once dissuaded 
 me from becoming a cadet : his letter ran as 
 follows : — 
 
 Deak Percy. — If you are devoted to drill, 
 can masticate the toughest mutton, and do 
 not object to passing half your time in the 
 black-hole, which is second only to the one at 
 Calcutta, come to the Royal Military College ; 
 from whence, thanks to my good stars, I take 
 my departure next week, to join the depot of 
 the 95th at Deal, preparatory to embarking
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 289 
 
 for foreign service. The West Indies would 
 be an agreeable change to this vile place. 
 
 Yours, as ever, 
 
 W. Hornby. 
 
 My Cambridge " chum " addressed me 
 in these words : — 
 
 Dear Percy, — You ask our life. I give 
 you a diary of my yesterday's doings, which 
 are rarely, if ever, varied: "Arose at half- 
 past nine, with a stunning head-ache : at 
 half-past ten, mounted one of Barron's hacks, 
 gallopped a few miles along the Trumpington 
 road ; met some old dons taking their morn- 
 ing walk; turned short over a fence, and es- 
 caped detection. About one, strolled to 
 Lichfield's, and devoured lots of pastry, 
 pies, and jellies; topped up Avith a glass or 
 two of Cura9oa ; returned to my rooms ; and 
 by four o'clock had arranged a most recherche 
 toilet. After partaking of King Harry's 
 cheer, had a wine-party ; got rather cut : lost 
 a cool hundred at chicken hazard : started 
 
 VOL. I. O
 
 290 PEliCY HAMILTON. 
 
 off in a tandem to Bolsham : returned : 
 strolled about the streets : bad a glass of 
 'restorative' at Frank Smitb's coffee-bouse, 
 a grilled bone at tbe Sun : broke a dozen 
 lamps, Avrenched off balf a dozen knockers, 
 and just crept into college in time to escape 
 the penalty of sleeping out of gates." As 
 the wags say, "Concessi Cantabrigiam ad ca- 
 piendum ingenii cultum ; " which, for the 
 benefit of country gentlemen, is thus trans- 
 lated : "I went to Cambridge to become a 
 fast man," and have fully carried out my 
 project. Come to our royal college. Vivat 
 
 Rex. 
 
 Yours, ever and truly, 
 
 Charles Willesden. 
 
 King's College, Cambridge. 
 
 My Oxford correspondent, who wrote 
 from Christ Church, described his doings in 
 the most graphic st3'le ; unfortunately, this 
 valuable document has been mislaid, or lost ; 
 the spirit of its contents, however, remains 
 indelibly grafted upon my mind. It con- 
 tained an account of a "lark" to Eton on the
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 291 
 
 4:th of June ; a most elaborate detail of how 
 the writer paid a fine of £2 to the proctor, 
 in the lowest coin of the realm — copper far- 
 things ; and how he and two of his wild com- 
 panions had hunted a reverend prelate to 
 his den, having first taken the man of orders 
 for a poacher, and, upon discovering their 
 mistake, had, stick in hand, scampered after 
 the supposed culprit to apologize for the 
 error. The letter ended by assuring me 
 that for hunting, driving, boating, and 
 shooting, Oxford was nulli secundus ; and 
 strongly recommending that I should lose no 
 time in having my name entered upon the 
 books. The PS. was pithy : — 
 
 " Without the sinews of war (£600 a year 
 at least) you would never be able to carry 
 on the campaign. I have £800, and am in 
 debt a couple of thousand." 
 
 A similar event to the one I have above 
 related occurred within a few years, to a 
 most popular prelate, the Bishop of Wor- 
 
 2
 
 292 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 cester. That worthy and respected church- 
 man was walking upon the high road, within 
 a mile of his residence, when he observed an 
 omnibus-driver ill-using his cattle. He 
 called to the man to desist; but, instead of 
 obeying the humane summons, the hard- 
 hearted task-master continued to inflict the 
 most severe punishment upon his jaded 
 horses, uttering at the same time such gross 
 invectives against the bishop that would 
 have shocked the ears of any layman. 
 This transaction attracted the attention of 
 the turnpike-keeper, who told the irate dri- 
 ver that he would suffer for his conduct, in 
 having thus grossly and wantonly assailed 
 the reverend divine. Whether the conscience 
 or the interested feelings of the coachman 
 operated, we will not pause to inquire; 
 suffice it to say, that he jumped from his 
 box, and, throwing the reins to the conduc- 
 tor, ran, whip in hand, after the Bishop, to 
 explain and apologize. No sooner did the 
 episcopal hero see this, than away he scam- 
 pered across the country, at a steeple-chase
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 293 
 
 pace, towards his palace; the faster he went, 
 the more the driver shouted ; and it was not 
 till the prelate had been run to ground that 
 the explanation took place, and the of- 
 fender pardoned. 
 
 Whilst deliberating over my future plans, 
 I received a letter from Horace Beaufort, a 
 young Etonian, whose parents lived within 
 ten miles of my father's house, and with whom 
 from childhood I had been upon the most in- 
 timate terms, informing me that he was at 
 a private tutor's, in Berkshire, for one year, 
 preparatory to his getting a commission in 
 the army. My old ally described the reverend 
 dominie and his pupils in such glowing lan- 
 guage, that I at once made up my mind to 
 join the small coterie, in preference to en- 
 tering the turmoil of the busy world at 
 Marlow or the universities. The moment 
 I communicated my wishes to my parents 
 they at once approved of my choice ; 
 and, having made every inquiry into the cha- 
 racter of the tutor, and ascertained that all 
 his "young gentlemen" were destined for
 
 294 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 the army, it was decided that, at Midsum- 
 mer, I should fill up the vacancy at Donning- 
 ton Grove. 
 
 The Whitsuntide holidays were fast ap- 
 proaching ; and a fortnight alone remained 
 before the period that 1 was to be emanci- 
 pated from Dean's Yard. This was devoted 
 to many a pleasurable excursion ; and, as my 
 " supplies" were tolerably abundant, I was 
 enabled to treat my " chum" Kirkonnel and 
 our small coterie to all the amusements most 
 coveted by the Westminster boys of that 
 day, namely, a ride in Rotten-row; a sail on 
 the river; a "tuck-out" at the Red House; 
 a drive to the Old Hats, on the Uxbridge 
 road, and a morning with the " pigeons.!' 
 
 At the period we write of, any " fellow " 
 who could pilot one of Roberts' half-deckers 
 between Westminster and Fulham bridiies, 
 w^as looked upon as a wonderful navigator, 
 a second Captain Cook; and, as both Kir- 
 konnel and myself had in earlier life passed 
 a great portion of our time at the seaside, 
 we had picked up sufficient nautical know-
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 295 
 
 ledge to enable us to take the helm, and to 
 handle a vessel in a seamanlike manner (not 
 after the fashion of Theodore Hook's yacht- 
 ing hero, who, being asked by his captain 
 whether he liked to take the helm, replied 
 that he never took anything between break- 
 fast and dinner). We were therefore looked 
 upon as regular Tritons among the minnoAvs 
 of the Thames. Fortunately for us, two 
 early plays were to take place during the 
 last fortnight; and upon the first, no sooner 
 had we been freed from school, than off 
 we ran to Abingdon-street wharf, where a 
 boat was in readiness to take us across the 
 river. 
 
 " Nice breeze this morning, young gentle- 
 men, and the tide will suit admirably," said 
 the elder Roberts, as we landed at Lam- 
 beth. 
 
 The " Yellow Admiral " and the " Com- 
 modore" were at their moorings; and in a 
 few seconds Kirkonnel and myself took our 
 respective stations at the helms, as skippers 
 of the same. Our costume was, according
 
 296 PEKCY HAMILTON. 
 
 to our own ideas, extremely nautical ; al- 
 though to a seaman's eye it looked more 
 like the gear of the dancer of the naval horn- 
 pipe at the Surrey Theatre, than that of 
 even a fresh-water sailor. A blue jacket 
 with anchor buttons, ditto waistcoat, a pair 
 of large loose white duck trousers, ribbed 
 silk stockings, pumps, and a straw hat with 
 a black riband, adorned our persons. While 
 upon the subject of " ducks," I cannot refrain 
 from mentioning a most ready saying of 
 Paddy Mahony, who, upon seeing a per- 
 former come upon the Dublin stage in 
 a pair of very dirty trousers of the 
 above-named description, shouted out, 
 "Arrah! sure now, had you not better 
 give your ducks a swim ?"' 
 
 " Set mainsail and jib : cast off," exclaimed 
 Kirkonnel and myself simultaneously to our 
 crews, which consisted of two fourth-form 
 boys. This order was promptly obeyed ; 
 the moorings were slipped ; the sails nicely 
 trimmed ; and the buoyant vessels, yielding 
 to the breeze, were dancing nimbly o'er
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 297 
 
 " the glad waters of the dirt-black 
 Thames." 
 
 "Ready about!" shouted the respective 
 captains. 
 
 " All ready," was responded from forward. 
 The helms were gradually put down, and 
 the " Yellow Admiral," and the " Commo- 
 dore," obedient to control, shot up into the 
 wind, without losing a jparticle of their way. 
 Within an hour the fickle wind, changeable 
 as fortune, came dead against us ; and, shortly 
 afterwards, with the suddenness peculiar to 
 a summer breeze, died away. Our craft 
 now lay like logs upon the water, drifting 
 with the tide, which was now beginning to 
 ebb. We then decided to anchor off the 
 Red House, Battersea, to provide ourselves 
 with whatever provisions that excellent ta- 
 vern could furnish. 
 
 " Haul down the head-sails ; trice up the 
 main-tack; let go the kedge!" were the 
 orders given from the decks of the respec- 
 tive yachts; and, hailing a waterman, we 
 
 landed. 
 
 o3
 
 298 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 Upon gaining terra firma, we ordered 
 dinner, from a bill of fare as long as 
 Leporello's list of Don Giovanni's victims. 
 During the time our repast was being pre- 
 pared, a sporting-looking gentleman propos- 
 ed a pigeon-match, for a trifling sum, and the 
 expense of the birds. Although Kirkonnel 
 and myself were pretty good shots at game, 
 we were loth to enter the lists with a pro- 
 fessed Red House sportsman ; we, therefore, 
 declined the challenge. 
 
 " Get it on," exclaimed a low-toned voice 
 that sounded familiar to our ears. " I'll 
 stand the nonsense." 
 
 We looked round, and recognised our old 
 Tothill-helds' acquaintance, " Tegus," who, 
 the moment he saw he was known, gave us 
 a significant look to be silent. 
 
 " Suppose, Captain," continued our old 
 "Westminster friend aloud, " you were to 
 make a sweepstakes — twenty- five double 
 shots, twenty yards, with five traps ; and 
 give the young gentlemen eight dead birds 
 each."
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 299 
 
 " Well, for the love of sport," responded 
 the soi-disant Captain, " I'll stand the match 
 merely for the expense of the pigeons ; and a 
 couple of guineas each, for luck.'' 
 
 " All right," whispered Tegus. " Take 
 two to one, if he offers it ; I'll cover a -five 
 or ten pun note." 
 
 The birds were then put in the trap by 
 a very ill-dressed, suspicious-looking coster- 
 monger. 
 
 "All right, Captin," said the White- 
 chapel hero, with a knowing sort of a wink. 
 
 The strings were drawn ; and two ap- 
 parently maimed pigeons fell beneath the 
 " deadly level" of the Captain. Kirkonnel 
 then took his station, armed with the 
 sharper's best Manton, as he called it ; the 
 birds were deposited in their wooden pri- 
 son, and upon being freed, flew wildly and 
 rapidly away for their lives. The first 
 barrel missed fire ; and the second produced 
 no efiect, beyond that of nearly capsizing the 
 " gunner." The costermonger exchanged 
 looks with his patron, and, while the
 
 800 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 former retired to the booth to get his pots 
 of ale and money on, the latter offered to 
 bet two to one on himself. 
 
 " Take it," whispered " Tegus," placing a 
 five-pound note in Kirkonnel's hands. 
 
 The wager was made, and the money paid 
 into the hands of a sporting squire, who 
 still flourishes as an evergreen in the present 
 day, and who was silently watching the 
 pigeoning proceedings. I w^as now called 
 upon to take my post ; and my opponent 
 offered me the weapon that had proved so 
 unfortunate to my friend Kirkonnel. 
 
 " I can lay the odds to another five- pound," 
 said the Captain. 
 
 " Done," responded the Squire ; "I'll take 
 it, ten pounds to five." 
 
 The bet was entered ; and at that moment 
 " Tegus " held out his long brawny arms, 
 presenting me with a double-barrelled gun 
 of Joe Manton's, which appeared of a very 
 different form to the spurious one I had pre- 
 viously been offered. 
 
 " Take your time ; festina lente^ as you
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 301 
 
 would say at Westminster," said the Squire, 
 in a kind manner ; '' and we'll do this arch- 
 doery 
 
 " We don't want you, Jem Keswick," ex- 
 claimed Tegus to the Whitechapel coster- 
 monger; "as there's money on the sweep- 
 stakes, we'll have the regular man to place 
 the pigeons and draw the strings." 
 
 The Captain and his touter looked de- 
 jected ; for our readers will probably have 
 discovered that the birds that had fallen in 
 the first double shot had been so crippled 
 and wounded by the vice-like hand of Jem 
 Keswick, that they could scarcely make a walk, 
 still less a flight. The strings were now 
 drawn, and to my great delight both birds, 
 which were easy shots, fell within the pre- 
 scribed distance. 
 
 A shout of " Bravo, young one I" escaped 
 the lips of all those who, like the Squire, 
 had been made acquainted with the " plant" 
 that had been tried on against two inex- 
 perienced Westminster boys. 
 
 " You can have my second gun," said the
 
 302 PEHCY HAMILTON. 
 
 Squire to Kirkonnel; "and remember the 
 advice I have given your friend — take your 
 time." 
 
 The Captain now again took his station ; 
 and, whether he was hustled at the precau- 
 tions taken to prevent his roguery, or scared 
 at my lucky prowess, I know not; but he 
 shot wildly, missing one bird and wounding 
 the other, which fell beyond the bounds. The 
 odds now varied; and Mr. Keswick received 
 private instructions to get the money oiF — 
 a commission much easier given than exe- 
 cuted ; for the spectators were " wide awake" 
 as to the whole affair. Encouraged by the 
 lookers-on, both Kirkonnel and myself shot 
 very fairly ; and, as we gained upon our 
 opponent, he resorted to every quibble and 
 wrangle that could suggest themselves ; 
 these were, however, over-ruled by the um- 
 pire ; and the result finally was as follows :
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 303 
 
 Captain, or rather Mr. Pyrk (for 
 the self-styled officer was a bon- 
 net"*at a low gaming-house, and 
 a " black-leg " of the lowest 
 grade) killed . . . . 15 birds. 
 
 Kirkonnel killed . . . . 16 
 
 Dead birds jriven . . 8 
 
 o' 
 
 Total . . 24 birds. 
 
 And last (not least in ray own estima- 
 tion) my score was, — 
 
 Killed 18 
 
 Dead birds given .... 8 
 
 Total .... 26 birds. 
 
 The Captain looked not a little crest-fallen 
 when the stakes and bets, amounting to 
 
 * A ''bonnet," a confederate at a gaming- house, who 
 pretends to play upon his own account, to lure others on, 
 and who is generally au fait at " cogging " dice, marking 
 cards, and other feats of legerdemain.
 
 S04 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 twenty-four guineas, were paid over to the 
 respective winners ; our share amounting 
 to what we then considered no inconsi- 
 derable sura — two guineas each. 
 
 " Your dinner is served, gentlemen," said 
 the waiter, now approaching, and paying us 
 the most marked deference. 
 
 " Dinner ! " responded the Squire ; "the 
 young gentlemen are bound to dine with 
 me, who am a winner by their prowess. 
 Pray put the two tables together ; you 
 have no objection, I hope, to this arrange- 
 ment." 
 
 " None whatever," we replied. "We shall 
 be delighted to join you." 
 
 I pass over our repast, which was a most 
 delightful one ; for the Squire, who was 
 on intimate terms with many of my rela- 
 tives, gave us, in return for our Westminster 
 adventures, the most graphic description of 
 the Quorn hounds, and Newmarket. 
 
 " The day after to-morrow I shoot a 
 match at the Old Hats," said the sports- 
 man. " Do you feel disposed to accompany
 
 PERCY HAMILTON. 305 
 
 me there ? if so, I shall be delighted to call 
 for you in my phaeton." 
 
 Again we expressed our gratitude, and it 
 was agreed that the Squire, who was an old 
 Westminster, should be with us in Dean's 
 Yard at twelve o'clock, just in time to 
 catch Dr. Dodd going out of school ; and, as 
 it was a half- holiday, we anticipated no 
 difficulty in obtaining leave. 
 
 " Well, good afternoon," said our new 
 acquaintance, as our watches reminded us 
 that our time was nearly up. " You must 
 leave the bill to me ; and here's a small 
 remembrance from the gunning preceptor 
 to his quick-sighted pupils : half my win- 
 nings are fairly yours." 
 
 Handing us a five-pound note, he took 
 his leave of us, with this admirable precept, 
 which has ever since been engraven upon 
 my mind, and which golden rule I strongly 
 recommend to the attention of all young 
 men : " Avoid gambling." Hazard, betting 
 on horse-races, pigeon-matches, and bil- 
 liards, often lead to loss of character.
 
 306 PERCY HAMILTON. 
 
 sometimes to suicide, and universally to 
 ruin." What greater proof is wanting of 
 the truth of the latter axiom, than when 
 we see men of the lowest origin and most 
 abandoned principles, raised to the highest 
 position in the gambling world, or when we 
 behold the sumptuous palaces which vice 
 has erected on the ruin of the votaries of 
 play: " Noctes atque dies patet atri janua 
 ditis." These second halls of Eblis, where 
 every angry and selfish passion is fed — 
 where every principle of honour is extin- 
 guished — where deeds, commenced in folly, 
 fashion, or avarice, terminate in wretched- 
 ness, or crime — and whose mottoes over their 
 portals ought to be : *' Lasciate ogni spe- 
 ranzo che voi'ntrate." With this sentiment 
 we shall conclude this volume. 
 
 END OF VOLUME I. 
 
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