5^59 
 566Bc 
 
 Smith 
 
 Coffee House 
 A characteristic poem
 
 '•^. ■■>•:.: ■':.„.vv:
 
 THE 
 
 COFFEE HOUSE. 
 
 A C H ARACTERISTIC POEM. 
 
 '* The proper fludy of n;ankind is Man." Pope. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED BY J. NICHOLS; 
 
 AND SOLD BY G. G. AND J. ROBINSON, PATER-NOSTER ROW, 
 AND MESSRS. COOK AND FLETCHER, OXFORD. 
 
 MDCCXCV. 
 
 r 
 
 [price one shilling and six-pence.] 
 
 ^
 
 ( iii ) S-4^^ 
 
 ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 
 X HE Truth of the Analogy between Poetry and 
 Painting has been frequently obferved, and acknowledged. 
 A Critic, endued with Senfibility, witholds not fome Degree 
 of Praife from the Pi6lure or Poem, in which Human Manners 
 are juftly delineated, though he finds not in either the 
 Genius of Shakfpeare, or Hogarth. To the " fine Phrenzy" of 
 the Poet the Writer of , the following Lines makes no Preten- 
 fions : he has confined his attempt to a faithfi.il Tranfcript of 
 Manners. To Invention, the Soul of Poetry, the Author is 
 content to refi; his fole Claim on the fincere Declaration, that no 
 
 A % 
 
 771734
 
 ( iv ) 
 
 one Part of the Poem is perfonal Whilll the Man of Tafte 
 can view with Complacency the chara6leriflic Sketches of 
 Bunbury and Rawlandfon ; the Author of the following Eflay 
 may not be deftitute of Hope, that the Critic will not be dif- 
 
 gufted, though he can difcern in it neither the luxuriant 
 Humour of Peter Pindar, nor the dignified Satire of 
 
 COWPER.
 
 THE 
 
 COFFEE HOUSE. 
 
 " The proper ftudy of mankind is Man." Popr 
 
 X H E Dial points to feven — and now the roar 
 Of hungry wights importunate ; the quick fteps 
 Of bufihng waiters, and their fharp rephes 
 Of " Coming, Sir !" the crafli of empty plates ; 
 No more torment the ear — each fated gueft, 
 By bus'nefs or by pleafure call'd away, 
 
 B
 
 ( o 
 
 Leaves the dark room to filencc and to me. 
 
 Now bufy Fancy to my eye recalls 
 
 Each late departed vifitor : the found 
 
 Of various talk ftill tingles in my ear ; 
 
 Whiill Memorv defcribes with faithful hand 
 
 Each look, each geilure, which fome minutes iiuee 
 
 Feafted my keen attention with delight. 
 
 There fat a party from the reft aloof, 
 With elbows on the table, and their necks 
 Crane-like extended, with their mouths wide ope 
 To catch each weighty fyllable, that fell 
 From yon grave Orator; whofe eeafelefs voice . 
 Colloquial magnetifm has infus'd 
 O'er their expiring faculties : his hands, , 
 Which move with uniform and fteady fway^ 
 With accents flow and folemn well accord. . 
 At the commencement of this long harangue,
 
 { 3 ) 
 
 Some of the boldeft of his audience call'd 
 
 For proofs and documents and vouchers, that 
 Might back his ftrong affertions, or coerce 
 With doubts and queries, or with keen retorts. 
 This dread invafion on the Rights of Tongues. 
 But he, a fecond Mefmer, has intranc'd, 
 By oft repeated motions of his hands 
 And hps unwearied, each objector's fpeech — 
 Harrafs'd Attention hnger'd and fell fick — 
 Yet he, with indefatigable fpeed, 
 To-morrow hies to Weilminfier ; well ftuff'd 
 Each pocket with old tavern-bills unpaid, 
 Tape-tied, and rolfd up like a brief, wdiich oft 
 He to the court difplays. — But he has talk'd 
 Enough in Coffee Houfe : here he muft fit 
 Silent, and ftill, and fad, and unobferv'd — 
 Whilft oft, with ardent eye, and envious v.ilb, 
 He views the ermine, that adorns and guards 
 
 B 2
 
 ( 4 ) 
 
 The Judge's flioukler — or with civil leer 
 Invites the fpriice Attorney to his feat. 
 
 Next them fat one, clad in clofe-button'd coat: 
 Of never-fading drab ; with cautious hand 
 He oft fecures his fob ; for he that morn 
 Receiv'd his dividend, and pofted here 
 Jov'ful, to celebrate this annual feaft. 
 Perhaps he had been an ironmonger, one 
 Who dealt in locks and bolts, to keep out thieves^- 
 That richer rogues might {lumber on their down ; 
 Or fold the very crow, which forc'd the tomb 
 To ope his marble jaws, and difengorge 
 The body of his w ife he lately mournd, 
 Now pack"d in hamper fnug for Surgeons' Hall.. 
 Abrupt he quits his box ; but firft with care 
 Arranges in two rows his fcanty pence ; 
 Corredl arithmetician ! w^iihl the lad
 
 ( 5 ) 
 
 (He oft commanded with imperious brow 
 On many an errand) with defpairing looks; 
 In vain expe6ls to be remembefd now. — 
 
 See yon gay troop, how fuddenly they rife,- 
 In jo}"ful extafy laughing full loud : 
 
 With boifterous mirth they ihatch their high-crown'd hats 
 From off the trembling pegs ; for Bourdeaux' grape 
 Brews now a fecond ferment in their veins, 
 And fparkles in their eyes with liquid fire. 
 See from a lavifli hand, and the quick jirk 
 Of generous careleffiiefs, the cafh rebounds 
 Upon the half-drown'd table ; whilft the brifk: 
 And acti^ e waiter fweeps away the mafs, 
 Splendid and heavy ; nor the joke difdains 
 On his obfequious fmiles, and ready bow.. 
 Some to theatric domes their fteps dire<?t, 
 lo fee fair heroines, urg'd by tragic woes,,
 
 ( 6 ) 
 
 IPunip high tlich' fwcllnig boforns ; or their c)-cs 
 
 "Wipe with the fnowy kerchief not their own. 
 
 To fonie, more genial to the prcfcnt flow 
 
 Of animal dehght, lo broad-fac'd Mirth 
 
 Leads in her parejit Farce ; — or, with an air 
 
 Kalf ferious and half jelling, the gay Mufc 
 
 Of Comedy upholds her varjing glafs. 
 
 And teaclies tlie unbtirtlien'd heart of youth 
 
 To fmile with Farren, or to laugh with Quick, 
 
 Lo, next fat one in fombrc garb and old, 
 And heedlefs of the mode; as is the Mafter 
 Of all the w^orld calls liappinefs : on him 
 Fortune ne'er deign'd to fmile, but pafs'd him by 
 Like a proud damfeL Yet kind Nature gave 
 To this fad youth, in pity to his lot. 
 Such bright materials, pure and unalloyed. 
 Of intellcAual ore, that Toil eonfefs'd
 
 ( 7 ) 
 
 PTer hopes pr.eriimptuous, and her powers too weak • 
 
 i 
 
 To emulate the fplendor of that mine. > 
 
 I 
 On hlra each Mufe her choiceft wreath beflow'd,, ' 
 
 Enrich'd his mind with all the latent flores i 
 
 Coy Science boafls, and hides in depths profound' i 
 
 Gf earth and heaven. They taught this youth to lo^^e^ 
 
 Whatever Art, by Genius led, prefents 
 
 To captivate the fenfes : his decree 
 
 San6lion'd at once their beauty and their ufe — - 
 
 Palladio's columns, Raphael's traits fublime ; 
 
 Or what in ftone imperial Rome difpla}''d ; 
 
 Spoils of immortal Athens : her fair forms, . 
 Of peerlefs fymmetry and matchlefs grace, 
 Portray 'd to his high-cultur'd foul a view 
 Of boundlefs profpe6l and unfated joy. 
 Nor would he, fuUenly and cold of heart, .. 
 To Modern Italy refufe the praife 
 She juflly claims, to fix th' enraptur'd ear.-
 
 ( a ) 
 
 iBy tlie rcfifflels magic of fweet founds. 
 
 Still mull he tread the rugged paths of want. 
 
 Nurture and fair acquirements exalt 
 
 His vigorous mind above the luft of gold. 
 
 Yet not above the pangs of indigence ; 
 They teach him but to feel and weep the more. 
 Each wifli obftrucSled, and each hope delay'd: 
 Teach him to fcorn each bafer means to rife, 
 And leave the world to blockheads and to knaves. 
 Silent he has retir'd, and feeks his room 
 Befpread with many a volume, which beguile 
 With gentle calm delight his fenfe of woe — 
 Unlefs by chance or habit he refumes 
 The tales, which Nature has with joy confefs'd 
 Her mofl: accomplifhed fecretaries wrote, 
 Fielding and Richardfon — with paffion warm, 
 Sublime by genius, and by truth divine. 
 Alive to fympathy, his mind recalls
 
 ( 9 ) 
 
 His abfent Julia, whom In cold defpair 
 
 His fancy pi6lures leaning on the arm 
 
 Of fome more favour'd lover — not more fond — 
 
 Whofe wealth fuperior, or fuperior rank, 
 
 Her parents, friends, perhaps herfelf admires ! 
 
 With grief like this he knows his heart muft throb, 
 
 Till the cold icy hand of friendly Death 
 
 Has ftopp'd the genial current of his blood, 
 
 Which nought but ill-requited love could chill. 
 
 Not diftant, fat a phalanx firm and clofe, 
 Of antique air and drefs precifely plain ; 
 For foil ten luftres have, with caution fage. 
 And due experience, taught thefe recreant knights 
 To center In themfelves each wifh, each joy. 
 " Celibacy has mark'd them for her own." 
 The great coat hanging on the well-known peg ; 
 The Indian kerchief, which erewhile had fcreen'd 
 
 C
 
 ( .0 ) 
 
 From the rude Eaftern wind the wearer's neck, 
 Carefully folded, lies in pocket fnug. 
 Each hat the waiter with accuftomVl care 
 Has brufli'd, and hung aloft ;-— -and now prefents 
 The bill of fare, and hears the dire critiques 
 On each rejected article, unmov'd. — 
 The bufy circling glafs has now difpers'd 
 Each nicer fcruple, and each coy referve : 
 Full foon in phrafe obfcene and fneers oblique 
 At love and matrimony they point the jeft ; — 
 Of fqualling brats ; of wives who never ceafe 
 To pour the copious flream of bra\\-ling words ; 
 Of horns which unfufpe6ling hufbands wear 
 Ficrh on their foreheads, feen by all their friends. 
 To them alone invifible ; they hold 
 Unfeemly converfe ; and with boillerous mirth 
 The trite and barren joke is. heard again. 
 The Mufe difdains the fecrets to reveal
 
 ( ■! ) 
 
 Of thefe apparent Stoics, but In truth 
 Rank Epicures ; nor blufhing would recount 
 How oft each grave companion has repair'd - 
 To the fam'd furgeon's clofe retired door : 
 Nor is file wilHng to fum up the hours 
 Thefe fage ones pafs In garrets dark and high. 
 With well-difTembled looks, and falfe excufe. 
 
 They one by one retire : no focial warmth 
 Of heart can prompt them to betray the place. 
 Each amorous dotard feeks his lawlefs prey. 
 
 s» 
 
 Clofe to the fire fat one, whofe gorgeous wig 
 And waiftcoat's ample folds embofs'd with gold, 
 Proclaim'd him Fortune's Favourite ; whofe phiz, 
 Wrinkled and pale, confefs'd his youthful days 
 Were fled, but not his love of youthful fports. 
 Oft with lack-luflre eye, and hollow tones 
 By frequent cough impeded, he would tell 
 
 C a
 
 ( la ) 
 
 Of many a prank of fpirit and renown.. 
 Now, cloath'd with all that caution and expcnce 
 Can heap on his emaciate limbs, he creeps, 
 Tottering and flow, toward the genial hearth. 
 Long has he fat contemplative ; nor dream'd 
 Of home, the wife man's paradife — Ah, there 
 He finds no folace, there no lovely face 
 Of wife endearing, there no fmiles of babes. 
 Alas, his fortune to repair, the prey 
 Of vice and fhapelefs luxury ; and to keep 
 His ^atter'd relicks from the prifon gate. 
 With the vain hopes of liberty, he wedj 
 Full many a winter fince, in life's full bloom, 
 A rich, decrepid, proud, and vulgar dame — 
 Who makes his houfe, by jealoufy and frowns,. 
 Darker than the dark manlion he efcap'd^
 
 ( '3 ) 
 
 Apart, myflerious, in a nook retirVl 
 Sat a clofe junto, in whofe dubious drefs 
 Not time, but diffipation, feem'd t' have mix'd 
 Tatters with lace, and in their froward looks 
 Pert ignorance, and cowardly difmay, 
 Affe(5led wafdom, and proud confequence, 
 Sat flirouded in a black and lurid cloud : 
 Their talk was vehement, and each blood-red eye 
 Afl^ant and cautious, and' their wanderings wild 
 Fix'd into lilence by the general paufe 
 Indignant hearers folemnly maintain'd. 
 Of diadems, of titles, and each badge 
 That Merit on the venerable brow 
 Of each accomplifh'd citizen beftows ; 
 Who to the State aught worthy has atchiev'd, 
 By wifdom or by valour, are upheld, 
 By thefe rude bablers, as the marks of fhame
 
 ( M ) 
 
 Or empty bawbles, to provoke a fmile ; 
 AVhilft to the fplendid orb of kingly power. 
 From whofe bright beams honour and fair renown, 
 In glorious emanations, beam around. 
 Like Sat^Fft they uphft their envious eyes, 
 To tell him how they hate his foftering beams. 
 Long has their condu6l, vicious and profane, 
 Lijur'd tlieir country's laws and found behefts. 
 Hence flows their rancour from a confcious mind, 
 *' An injur'd friend muft never be forgiven." 
 
 Near them a youth, impatient of this talk 
 Difloyal and unmanly, fat and frown'd. 
 Flufh'd with rude health ; whofe frefli cockade and coat, 
 With red and yellow flaming in the van, 
 Proclaim"d him a defender of the ftate. 
 If youth and courage can this title claim. 
 Fame fliall rejoice in his afpiring mind,
 
 ( IS ) ; 
 
 And weave the early laurel round his head, ; 
 
 And foes approve the deed : — Lo, fome few years i 
 
 And fervice fhall improve his air, and join ;; 
 
 The foldier with the man : — See, with a front \ 
 
 Gallant and gay, he marches to the bar : • ; 
 
 For there lives one in drefs, nor lefs in mind, ^ 
 
 Young and coquettifh, whom the Captain s lace Vj 
 
 Has won to fmiles and converfe. Much he talks 
 
 Of love, and war ; and languifhingly mourns i 
 
 His country's honour foon will call away ] 
 
 i 
 So fond a lover from fo fair a maid. — 
 
 I 
 
 All this the girl believes ; nor heeds the words \ 
 
 Of her more prudent fifter ; who has long 
 
 i 
 
 Reign'd miftrefs of the Coffee ^oufe, and known i 
 
 Thefe iighing fparks and their fhort memories. 
 
 The Captain foon will to the Indies go, j 
 
 And think no more of Lucy — fhould flie gain 
 
 Another lover quite as young and brifk, ,. i
 
 T'lS ) 
 
 She may like him forget, unlefs nine moons 
 Should prove the reckonings flie is forc'd to keep. 
 
 Half fad, half merry, from this motley fcene 
 I late retir'd — for now the midnight hour, 
 Leading Oblivion, with her filent tread, 
 Had pointed to my couch — there in repofe 
 To footh my aching head, and throbbing heart. 
 
 FINIS.
 
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