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 .
 
 BERTH AD 
 
 BOOK STOKE 
 
 140 PACIFK /JrT 
 CAi.
 
 MR. Louis MINTZ WHAT COMES TO WORK BY Us.
 
 POTASH & 
 PE R L M UTTER 
 
 THEIR COPARTNERSHIP VENTURES 
 AND ADVENTURES 
 
 BY 
 
 MONTAGUE GLASS ' 
 
 ILLUSTRATED 
 
 GROSSET & DUN LAP 
 
 PUBLISHERS :: NEWYORK.
 
 Copyright, 1909, by The Curtis Publishing Company 
 Copyright, 1910, by Howard E. Altemus 
 Copyrighted 1911, by Doubleday, Page & Company. 
 
 THE COUNTRY LIFE PRESS, GARDEN CITY, N. Y.
 
 URL 
 SRLF 
 
 Potash & Perlmutter 
 
 CHAPTEB I 
 
 *<"^L TO, siree, sir," Abe Potash exclaimed as he 
 I ^y drew a check to the order of his attorney 
 for a hundred and fifty dollars, "I would 
 positively go it alone from now on till I die, Noble- 
 stone. I got my stomach full with Pincus Vesell 
 already, and if Andrew Carnegie would come to me 
 and tell me he wants to go with me as partners to- 
 gether in the cloak and suit business, I would say 
 'No,' so sick and tired of partners I am." 
 
 For the twentieth time he examined the dissolu- 
 tion agreement which had ended the firm of Vesell 
 & Potash, and then he sighed heavily and placed the 
 document in his breast pocket. 
 
 "Cost me enough, Noblestone, I could assure 
 you," he said. 
 
 "A hundred and fifty ain't much, Potash, for a big 
 lawyer like Feldman," Noblestone commented. 
 
 Abe flipped his fingers in a gesture of deprecation. 
 
 "That is the least, Noblestone," he rejoined. 
 "First and last I bet you I am out five thousand dol- 
 lars on Vesell. That feller got an idee that there
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 ain't nothing to the cloak and suit business but auc- 
 tion pinochle and taking out-of-town customers to 
 the theayter. Hard work is something which he 
 don't know nothing about at all. He should of been 
 in the brokering business." 
 
 "The brokering business ain't such a cinch 
 neither," Noblestone retorted with some show of 
 indignation. "A feller what's in the brokering 
 business has got his troubles, too, Potash. Here I've 
 been trying to find an opening for a bright young 
 feller with five thousand dollars cash, y'understand, 
 and also there ain't a better designer in the business, 
 y'understand, and I couldn't do a thing with the 
 proposition. Always everybody turns me down. 
 Either they got a partner already or they're like 
 yourself, Potash, they just got through with a part- 
 ner which done 'em up good." 
 
 "If you think Pincus Vesell done me up good, No- 
 blestone," Potash said, "you are mistaken. I got 
 better judgment as to let a lowlife like him get into 
 me, Noblestone. I lost money by him, y'understand, 
 but at the same time he didn't make nothing neither. 
 Vesell is one of them fellers what you hear about 
 which is nobody's enemy but his own." 
 
 "The way he talks to me, Potash," Noblestone re- 
 plied, "he ain't such friends to you neither." 
 
 "He hates me worser as poison," Abe declared 
 fervently, "but that ain't neither here nor there, No- 
 blestone. I'm content he should be my enemy. 
 He's the kind of feller what if we would part friends,
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 he would come back every week and touch me for 
 five dollars yet. The feller ain't got no money and 
 he ain't got no judgment neither." 
 
 "But here is a young feller which he got lots of 
 common sense and five thousand dollars cash," No- 
 blestone went on. "Only one thing which he ain't 
 got." 
 
 Abe nodded. 
 
 "I seen lots of them fellers in my time, 
 Noblestone," he said. "Everything about 'em is 
 all right excepting one thing and that's always a 
 killer." 
 
 "Well, this one thing ain't a killer at all," Noble- 
 stone rejoined, "he knows the cloak and suit busi- 
 ness from A to Z, and he 's a first-class A number one 
 feller for the inside, Potash, but he ain't no sales- 
 man. ' ' 
 
 "So long as he's good on the inside, Noblestone," 
 Abe said, "it don't do no harm if he ain't a salesman, 
 because there's lots of fellers in the cloak and suit 
 business which calls themselves drummers, y 'under- 
 stand. Every week regular they turn in an expense 
 account as big as a doctor 's bill already, and not only 
 they ain't salesmen, Noblestone, but they don't know 
 enough about the inside work to get a job as assistant 
 shipping clerk." 
 
 "Well, Harry Federmann ain't that kind, 
 Potash," Noblestone went on. "He's been a cutter 
 and a designer and everything you could think of in 
 the cloak and suit business. Also the feller's got 
 
 9
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 good backing. He's married to old man Zudrowsky 's 
 daughter and certainly them people would give him 
 a whole lot of help." 
 
 "What people do you mean!" Abe asked. 
 
 "Zudrowsky & Cohen, " Noblestone answered. 
 "Do you know 'em, Potash?" 
 
 Abe laughed raucously. 
 
 "Do I know 'em?" he said. "A question! Them 
 people got a reputation among the trade which you 
 wouldn't believe at all. Yes, Noblestone, if I would 
 take it another partner, y 'understand, I would as lief 
 get a feller what's got the backing of a couple of them 
 cut-throats up in Sing Sing, so much do I think of 
 Zudrowsky & Cohen." 
 
 "All I got to say to that, Potash, is that you don't 
 know them people, otherwise you wouldn't talk that 
 way." 
 
 "Maybe I don't know 'em as good as some con- 
 cerns know 'em, Noblestone, but that's because I 
 was pretty lucky. Leon Sammet tells me he 
 wouldn't trust 'em with the wrapping paper on a 
 C. 0. D. shipment of two dollars." 
 
 Noblestone rose to his feet and assumed an atti- 
 tude of what he believed to be injured dignity. 
 
 "I hear enough from you, Potash," he said, "and 
 some day you will be sorry you talk that way about 
 a concern like Zudrowsky & Cohen. If you couldn't 
 say nothing good about 'em, you should shut up 
 your mouth." 
 
 "I could say one thing good about 'em, Noble- 
 
 10
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 stone," Abe retorted, as the business broker opened 
 the store door. "They ain't ashamed of a couple of 
 good old-time names like Zudrowsky & Cohen." 
 
 This was an allusion to the circumstance that 
 Philip Noblestone had once been Pesach Edel- 
 stein, and the resounding bang with which the 
 broker closed the door behind him, was gratifying 
 evidence to Abe that his parting shot had found its 
 target. 
 
 "Well, Noblestone," Zudrowsky cried, as the 
 broker entered the show room of Zudrowsky & 
 Cohen, "what did he say?" 
 
 "He says he wouldn't consider it at all," Noble- 
 stone answered. "He ain't in no condition to talk 
 about it anyway, because he feels too sore about his 
 old partner, Pincus Vesell. That feller done him up 
 to the tune of ten thousand dollars." 
 
 In Noblestone 's scheme of ethics, to multiply a 
 fact by two was to speak the truth unadorned. 
 
 "S 'enough, Noblestone," Zudrowsky cried. "If 
 Potash lost so much money as all that, I wouldn't 
 consider him at all. One thing you got to re- 
 member, Noblestone. Me, I am putting up five 
 thousand dollars for Harry Federmann, and what 
 that feller don't know about business, Noble- 
 stone, you could take it from me, would make even 
 you a millionaire, if you would only got it in your 
 head." 
 
 Noblestone felt keenly the doubtfulness of 
 
 Zudrowsky 's compliment, but for a lack of a 
 
 11
 
 POTASH & PEKLMUTTEE 
 
 suitable rejoinder lie contented himself by nodding 
 gravely. 
 
 "So I wouldn't want Mm to tie up with a feller 
 like Potash, what gets done up so easy for ten thou- 
 sand dollars, ' ' Zudrowsky went on. * l What I would 
 like, Noblestone, is that Harry should go as partners 
 together with some decent, respectable feller which 
 got it good experience in the cloak business and 
 wouldn't be careless with my five thousand dollars. 
 I needn 't to tell you, Noblestone, if I would let Harry 
 get his hands on it, I might as well kiss myself good- 
 bye with that five thousand dollars." 
 
 Noblestone waggled his head from side to side and 
 made inarticulate expressions of sympathy through 
 his nose. 
 
 "How could you marry off your daughter to a 
 schafskopf like Federmann?" he asked. 
 
 1 'It was a love match, Noblestone," Zudrowsky 
 explained. ' ' She falls in love with him, and he falls 
 in love with her. So naturally he ain't no business 
 man, y 'understand, because you know as well as I 
 do, Noblestone, a business man ain't got no time to 
 fool away on such nonsense." 
 
 "Sure, I know," Noblestone agreed. "But what 
 makes Federmann so dumb? He's been in the cloak 
 and suit business all his life, ain't he?" 
 
 "What's that got to do with it?" Zudrowsky ex- 
 claimed. "Cohen and me got these here fixtures for 
 fifteen years already, and you could more expect 
 them tables and racks they should know the cloak 
 
 12
 
 POTASH & PEHLMUTTEK 
 
 and suit business as Harry Federmann. They ain't 
 neither of 'em got no brains, Noblestone, and that's 
 what I want you to get for Harry, some young fel- 
 ler with brains, even though he ain't worth much 
 money." 
 
 "Believe me, Mr. Zudrowsky," Noblestone re- 
 plied. "It ain't such an easy matter these times to 
 find a young feller with brains what ain't got no 
 money, Mr. Zudrowsky, and such young fellers don't 
 need no partners neither. And, anyhow, Mr. Zud- 
 rowsky, what is five thousand dollars for an induce- 
 ment to a business man? When I would go around 
 and tell my clients I got a young feller with five 
 thousand dollars what wants to go in the cloak 
 and suit business, they laugh at me. In the cloak 
 and suit business five thousand dollars goes no 
 ways. ' * 
 
 "Five thousand ain't much if you are going to 
 open up as a new beginner, Noblestone," Zud- 
 rowsky replied, "but if you got a going concern, 
 y 'understand, five thousand dollars is always five 
 thousand dollars. There's lots of business men what 
 is short of money all the time, Noblestone. Couldn't 
 you find it maybe a young feller which is already 
 established in business, y 'understand, and what 
 needs doch a little money?" 
 
 Noblestone slapped his thigh. 
 
 "I got it!" he said. "I'll go around and see Sam 
 Feder of the Kosciusko Bank. ' ' 
 
 Half an hour later Noblestone sat in the first vice- 
 is
 
 president's office at the Kosciusko Bank, and re- 
 quested that executive officer to favor him with the 
 names of a few good business men, who would appre- 
 ciate a partner with five thousand dollars. 
 
 "I'll tell you the truth, Noblestone," Mr. Feder 
 Said, "we turn down so many people here every day, 
 that it's a pretty hard thing for me to remember 
 any particular name. Most of 'em is good for noth- 
 ing, either for your purpose or for ours, Noblestone. 
 The idee they got about business is that they should 
 sell goods at any price. In figuring the cost of the 
 output, they reckon labor, so much; material, so 
 much; and they don't take no account of rent, light, 
 power, insurance and so forth. The consequence is, 
 they lose money all the time ; and they put their com- 
 petitors in bad too, because they make 'em meet their 
 fool prices. The whole trade is cut up by them fel- 
 lers and sooner as recommend one for a partner for 
 your client, I'd advise him to take his money and 
 play the ponies with it. ' ' 
 
 At this juncture a boy entered and handed Mr. 
 Feder a card. 
 
 "Tell him to come right in," Feder said, and then 
 he turned to Noblestone. "You got to excuse me 
 for a few minutes, Noblestone, and I'll see you just 
 as soon as I get through." 
 
 As Noblestone left the first vice-president's office, 
 he encountered Feder 's visitor, who wore an air of 
 furtive apprehension characteristic of a man making 
 his initial visit to a pawn shop. Noblestone waited 
 
 14
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 on the bench outside for perhaps ten minutes, when 
 Mr. Feder 's visitor emerged, a trifle red in the face. 
 
 ''That's my terms, Mr. Perlmutter," Feder said. 
 
 ' * "Well, if I would got to accept such a proposition 
 like that, Mr. Feder," the visitor declared, "I 
 would sooner bust up first. That's all I got to 
 say. ' ' 
 
 He jammed his hat down on his head and made 
 for the door. 
 
 "Now, Mr. Noblestone, I am ready for you," 
 Feder cried, but his summons fell on deaf ears, for 
 Noblestone was in quick pursuit of the vanishing 
 Perlmutter. Noblestone overtook him at the corner 
 and touched his elbow. 
 
 "How do you do, Mr. Perlmutter!" he exclaimed. 
 
 Perlmutter stopped short and wheeled around. 
 
 "Huh?" he said. 
 
 "This is Mr. Sol Perlmutter, ain't it?" Noblestone 
 asked. 
 
 "No, it ain't," Perlmutter replied. "My name 
 is Morris Perlmutter, and the pair of real gold eye- 
 glasses which you just picked up and would let me 
 have as a bargain for fifty cents, ain't no use to me 
 neither. ' ' 
 
 "I ain't picked up no eye-glasses," Noblestone 
 said. 
 
 "No?" Morris Perlmutter rejoined. "Well, I 
 don't want to buy no blue white diamond ring 
 neither, y 'understand, so if it's all the same to you I 
 got business to attend to." 
 
 15
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 "So do I," ISToblestone went on, "and this is what 
 it is. Also my name is there too. ' ' 
 
 He showed Morris a card, which read as follows : 
 
 TELEPHONE CONNECTION REAL ESTATE A INSURANCE 
 
 IN ALL ITS BRANCHES 
 
 PHILIP NOBLESTONE 
 
 BUSINESS BROKER 
 
 G ET A 
 PARTNER 
 
 594 EAST HOUSTON STREET NEW YORK 
 
 "Don't discount them good accounts, Mr. Perl- 
 mutter," he added, "it ain't necessary." 
 
 "Who told you I want to discount some ac- 
 counts?" Morris asked. 
 
 "If I see a feller in a dentist's chair," Nohlestone 
 answered, "I don't need to be told he's got the tooth- 
 ache already." 
 
 After this Morris was easily persuaded to accept 
 Noblestone's invitation to drink a cup of coffee, and 
 they retired immediately to a neighboring bakery 
 and lunch room. 
 
 "Yes, Mr. Noblestone," Morris said, consulting 
 the card. "I give you right about Feder. That 
 feller is worser as a dentist. He's a bloodsucker. 
 Fifteen hundred dollars gilt-edged accounts I offer 
 
 16
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 him as security for twelve hundred, and when I get 
 through with paying DeWitt C. Feinholtz, his son- 
 in-law, what is the bank's lawyer, there wouldn't be 
 enough left from that twelve hundred dollars to pay 
 off my operators. " 
 
 "That's the way it is when a feller's short of 
 money," Noblestone said. "Now, if you would got 
 it a partner with backing, y 'understand, you 
 wouldn't never got to be short again." 
 
 With this introductory sentence, Noblestone 
 launched out upon a series of persuasive arguments, 
 which only ended when Morris Perlmutter had 
 promised to lunch with Zudrowsky, Harry Feder- 
 mann and Noblestone at Wasserbauer's Cafe 
 and Eestaurant the following afternoon at one 
 o 'clock. 
 
 For the remainder of the day, Philip Noblestone 
 interviewed as much of the cloak and suit trade as 
 he could cover, with respect to Morris Perlmutter 's 
 antecedents, and the result was entirely satisfactory. 
 He ascertained that Morris had worked his way up 
 from shipping clerk, through the various grades, 
 until he had reached the comparative eminence of 
 head cutter, and his only failing was that he had em- 
 barked in business with less capital than experience. 
 At first he had met with moderate success, but a dull 
 season in the cloak trade had temporarily embar- 
 rassed him, and the consensus of opinion among his 
 competitors was that he had a growing business but 
 was over-extended. 
 
 17
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 Thus when Noblestone repaired to the office of 
 Zudrowsky & Cohen at closing time that afternoon, 
 he fairly outdid himself extolling Morris Perlmut- 
 ter 's merits, and he presented so high colored a pic- 
 ture that Zudrowsky deprecated the business 
 broker's enthusiasm. 
 
 "Say, looky here, Noblestone," he said, "enough's 
 enough. All I want is a partner for my son-in-law 
 which would got common sense and a little judg- 
 ment. That's all. I don't expect no miracles, 
 y 'understand, and the way I understand it from you, 
 this feller Morris Perlmutter is got a business head 
 like Andrew Carnegie already and a shape like John 
 Drew." 
 
 ' ' I never mentioned his name because I don 't know 
 that feller at all, ' ' Noblestone protested. ' * But Perl- 
 mutter is a fine business man, Mr. Zudrowsky, and 
 he's a swell dresser, too." 
 
 "A feller what goes to a bank looking for accom- 
 modations," Zudrowsky replied, "naturally don't 
 put on his oldest clothes, y 'understand, but anyhow, 
 Noblestone, if you would be around here at half past 
 twelve to-morrow, I will see that Harry gets here 
 too, and we will go down to Wasserbauer's and meet 
 the feller." 
 
 It was precisely one o'clock the following day 
 when Morris Perlmutter seated himself at a table in 
 the rear of Wasserbauer's Cafe and Restaurant. 
 
 "Yes, sir, right away!" Louis, the waiter, cried, 
 as he deposited a plate of dill pickles on the adjoin- 
 
 18
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 ing table, at which sat a stout middle-aged person 
 with a napkin tucked in his neck. 
 
 "Koenigsberger Klops is good to-day, Mr. 
 Potash," Louis announced. 
 
 " Pushing the stickers, Louis, ain't it?" the man 
 at the next table said. "You couldn't get me to eat 
 no chopped meat which customers left on their plates 
 last week already. I never believe in buying sec- 
 onds, Louis. Give me a piece of roast beef, well 
 done, and a baked potato." 
 
 "Eight away, Mr. Potash," Louis said, as he 
 passed on to Perlmutter's table. "Now, sir, what 
 could I do for you?" 
 
 "Me, I am waiting here for somebody," Morris 
 replied. "Bring me a glass of water and we will 
 give our order later." 
 
 "Eight away!" said Louis, and hustled off to fill 
 Abe Potash's order, whereat Abe selected a dill 
 pickle to beguile the tedium of waiting. He grasped 
 it firmly between his thumb and finger, and neatly 
 bisected it with his teeth. Simultaneously the 
 pickle squirted, and about a quarter of a pint of 
 the acid juice struck Morris Perlmutter in the right 
 eye. 
 
 "Excuse me," Abe cried. "Excuse me." 
 
 "S'all right," Morris replied. "I seen what you 
 was doing and I should of ordered an umbrella in- 
 stead of a glass of water already. ' ' 
 
 Abe laughed uproariously. 
 
 "Dill pickles is uncertain like Paris fashions," he 
 
 19
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 commented. " You could never tell what they would 
 do next." 
 
 "I bet yer," Morris replied. "Last year people 
 was buying silks like they was crazy, y 'understand, 
 and this year you would think silks was poison. A 
 buyer wouldn't touch 'em at all, and that's the way 
 it goes." 
 
 Abe rose with the napkin tucked in his neck, and 
 carrying the dish of dill pickles with him, he sat 
 down at Morris' table, to which Louis brought the 
 roast beef a moment later. 
 
 "I seen you was in the cloak and suit business as 
 soon as I looked at you," Abe said. "I guess I'll 
 eat here till your friends come." 
 
 "Go ahead/' Morris replied. "It's already quar- 
 ter past one, and if them fellers don't come soon, 
 I'm going to eat, too." 
 
 "What's the use waiting?" Abe said. "Eat any- 
 how. This roast beef is fine. Try some of it on 
 me." 
 
 "Why should I stick you for my lunch?" Morris 
 rejoined. "I see them suckers ain't going to show 
 up at all, so I guess I'll take a sandwich and a cup 
 of coffee." 
 
 He motioned to Louis. 
 
 "Right away!" Louis cried. "Yes, sir, we got 
 some nice Koenigsberger Klops to-day mit Kartoffel 
 Kloes." 
 
 "What d'ye take this gentleman for, anyway, 
 Louis ? ' ' Abe asked. ' ' A garbage can ? Give him a 
 
 20
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 nice slice of roast beef well done and a baked potato. 
 Also bring two cups of coffee and give it the checks 
 to me." 
 
 By a quarter to two Abe and Morris had passed 
 from business matters to family affairs, and after 
 they had exchanged cigars and the conversation had 
 reached a stage where Morris had just accepted an 
 invitation to dine at Abe's house, Noblestone and 
 Zudrowsky entered, with Harry Federmann bring- 
 ing up in the rear. Harry was evidently in disfavor, 
 and his weak, blond face wore the crestfallen look 
 of a whipped child, for he had been so occupied with 
 his billing and cooing up town, that he had forgot- 
 ten his business engagement. 
 
 "Hallo, Mr. Perlmutter, " Noblestone cried, and 
 then he caught sight of Morris' companion and the 
 remains of their generous meal. "I thought you 
 was going to take lunch with us." 
 
 "Do I got to starve, Mr. Who's- this I lost your 
 card just because I was fool enough to take up your 
 proposition yesterday? I should of known better 
 in the first place." 
 
 "But this here young feller, Mr. Federmann, got 
 detained uptown," Zudrowsky explained. "His 
 wife got took suddenly sick." 
 
 "Why, she may have to have an operation," No- 
 blestone said in a sudden burst of imaginative en- 
 thusiasm. 
 
 "You should tell your troubles to a doctor," Abe 
 said, rising from the table. "And besides, Noble- 
 
 Potash & Perlmutter. 21
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 stone, Mr. Perlmutter don't want no partner just 
 now. ' ' 
 
 "But," Perlmutter began, "but, Mr. Potash " 
 
 "That is to say," Abe interrupted, "he don't want 
 a partner with no business experience. Me, I got 
 business experience, as you know, Mr. Noblestone, 
 and so we fixed it up we would go as partners to- 
 gether, provided after we look each other up every- 
 thing is all right." 
 
 He looked inquiringly at Perlmutter, who nodded 
 in reply. 
 
 "And if everything is all right," Perlmutter said, 
 "we will start up next week." 
 
 "Under the firm name," Abe added, "of Potash & 
 Perlmutter." 
 
 CHAPTER II 
 
 IN less than ten days the new firm of Potash & 
 Perlmutter were doing business in Abe 
 Potash's old quarters on White Street with the 
 addition of the loft on the second floor. Abe had 
 occupied the grade floor of an old-fashioned build- 
 ing, and agreeable to Morris' suggestion the manu- 
 facturing and cutting departments were transferred 
 to the second floor, leaving Abe's old quarters for 
 showroom, office and shipping purposes. It was 
 further arranged that Abe's share of the copartner- 
 ship work should be the selling end and that Morris 
 should take charge of the manufacturing. Both
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 partners supervised the accounting and credit de- 
 partment with the competent assistance of Miss R. 
 Cohen, who had served the firm of Vesell & Potash 
 in the same capacity. 
 
 For more than a year Morris acted as designer, 
 and with one or two unfortunate exceptions, the 
 styles he originated had been entirely satisfactory 
 to Potash & Perlmutter's growing trade. 
 
 The one or two unfortunate exceptions, however, 
 had been a source of some loss to the firm. First, 
 there were the tourists ' coats which cost Potash & 
 Perlmutter one thousand dollars ; then came the pur- 
 ple directoires; total, two thousand dollars charged 
 off to profit and loss on the firm's books. 
 
 "No, Mawruss," Abe said, when his partner spoke 
 of a new model, which he termed the Long Branch 
 Coatee, "I don't like that name. Anyhow, Maw- 
 russ, I got it in my mind we should hire a designer. 
 While I figure it that you don 't cost us nothing ex- 
 tra, Mawruss, a couple of stickers like them tourists 
 and that directoire model puts us in the hole two 
 thousand dollars. On the other hand, Mawruss, if 
 we get a good designer, Mawruss, all we pay him is 
 two thousand a year and we're through." 
 
 1 ' I know, Abe, ' ' Morris replied, 1 1 but designers can 
 turn out stickers, too." 
 
 "Sure, they can, Mawruss," Abe went on, "but 
 they got a job to look out for, Mawruss, while you 
 are one of the bosses here, whether you turn out 
 stickers or not. No, Mawruss, I got enough of stick- 
 
 23
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 ers already. I'm going to look out for a good, live 
 designer, a smart young feller like Louis Grossman, 
 what works for Sammet Brothers. I bet you they 
 done an increased business of twenty per cent, with 
 that young feller's designs. I met Ike Gotthelf, 
 buyer for Horowitz & Finkelbein, and he tells me he 
 gave Sammet Brothers a two-thousand-dollar order 
 a couple of weeks ago, including a hundred and 
 twenty-two garments of that new-style they got out, 
 which they call the Arverne Sacque, one of Louis 
 Grossman's new models." 
 
 "Is that so?" said Morris. "Well, you know 
 what I would do if I was you, Abe? I'd see Louis 
 Grossman and offer him ten dollars a week more than 
 Sammet Brothers pays him, and the first thing you 
 know he'd be working for us and not for Sammet 
 Brothers. ' ' 
 
 "You got a great head, Mawruss," Abe rejoined 
 ironically. "You got the same idee all of a sudden 
 what I think about a week ago already. I seen Louis 
 Grossman yesterday, and offered him fifteen, not 
 ten." 
 
 "And what did he say?" 
 
 "He says he's working by Sammet Brothers under 
 a contract, Mawruss, what don't expire for a year 
 yet, and they're holding up a quarter of his wages 
 under the contract, which he is to forfeit if he don't 
 work it out." 
 
 "Don't you believe it, Abe," Morris broke in, 
 "He's standing out for more money." 
 
 24
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Is he? " said Abe with some heat. "Well, I seen 
 the contract, Mawruss, so either I'm a liar or not, 
 Mawruss, ain't it?" 
 
 Here they were interrupted by the entrance of a 
 customer, Ike Herzog, of the Bon Ton Credit Out- 
 fitting Company. 
 
 "Ah, Mr. Herzog!" Abe cried, rising to his feet 
 and extending both hands in greeting. ' ' Glad to see 
 you. Ain't it a fine weather?" 
 
 Mr. Herzog grunted in reply. 
 
 "Potash," he said, "when I give you that order 
 last week, I don't know whether I didn't buy a big 
 lot of your style fifty-nine-ten, ain't it?" 
 
 "Yes, you did," said Abe. 
 
 "Well," said Herzog, "I want to cancel that part 
 of the order." 
 
 "Cancel it!" Abe cried. "Why, what's the mat- 
 ter with them garments? Ain't the samples made 
 up right?" 
 
 "Sure, they're made up right," said Herzog, 
 "only I seen something what I like better. It's 
 about the same style, only more attractive. I mean 
 Sammet Brothers' style forty-one-fifty their new 
 Arverne Sacque.'" 
 
 "Mr. Herzog!" Abe cried. 
 
 Herzog raised a protesting palm. 
 
 "Now, Potash," he said, "you know whatever I 
 buy in staples you get the preference; but when any- 
 body's got a specialty like that Arverne Sacque, 
 what's the use of talking?" 
 
 25
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 He shook hands cordially. 
 
 "I'll be around to see you in about a week," he 
 said, and the next moment the door closed behind 
 him. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss, that settles it," said Abe, put- 
 ting on his hat. "When we lose a good customer 
 like Ike Herzog, I gets busy right away." 
 
 "Where are you going, Abe?" Morris asked. 
 
 Abe struggled into his overcoat and seized his 
 umbrella. 
 
 "Round to Sammet Brothers," he replied. "I'm 
 going to get that young feller away from them if I 
 got to pay 'em a thousand dollars to boot." 
 
 Leon Sammet, head of the copartnership of Sam- 
 met Brothers, sat in the firm's sample room and 
 puffed gloomily at a Wheeling stogy. His brother, 
 Barney Sammet, stood beside him reading aloud 
 from a letter which he held in his hand. 
 
 " 'Gents,' " he said, " 'your shipment of the four- 
 teenth instant to hand, and in reply will say we ain 't 
 satisfied with nothing but style forty-one-fifty. Our 
 Miss Kenny is a perfect thirty-six, and she can't 
 breathe in them Empires style 3022, in sizes 36, 38 OT 
 40. What is the matter with you, anyway ? We are 
 returning them via Eagle Dispatch. We are yours 
 truly, The Boston Store, Horowitz & Finkelbein, 
 Proprietors.' " 
 
 "Yes, Barney," Leon commented, "that's a de- 
 signer for you, that Louis Grossman. His Arverne 
 Sacques is all right, Barney, but the rest is nix. He's 
 
 26
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 a one garment man. Tell Miss Aaronstamm to bring 
 in her book. I want to send them Boston Store peo- 
 ple a letter." 
 
 A moment later Miss Aaronstamm entered, and 
 sat down at a sample table. 
 
 " Write to the Boston Store," Leon Sammet said. 
 " 'Horowitz & Finkelbein, Proprietors, Gents' got 
 that? 'We received your favor of the eighteenth in- 
 stant, and in reply would say we don't accept no 
 styles what you return.' Got that? 'If your Miss 
 Kenny can't breathe in them garments that ain't our 
 fault. They wasn't made to breathe in; they was 
 made to sell. You say she is a perfect thirty-six. 
 How do we know that? We ain't never measured 
 her, and we don't believe you have, neither. Any- 
 way, we ain't taking back no goods what we sold 
 once. Yours truly.' That's all, Miss Aaronstamm. 
 I guess that'll fix 'em. What, Barney?" 
 
 Barney nodded gloomily. 
 
 "I tell you, Barney," Leon went on, "I wish I 
 never seen that Louis Grossman. He certainly got 
 into us good and proper." 
 
 "I don't know, Leon," said Barney. "That 
 Arverne Sacque was a record seller. ' ' 
 
 "Arverne Sacque!" Leon cried. "That's all 
 everybody says. We can't make a million dollars 
 out of one garment alone, Barney. We can't even 
 make expenses. I'm afraid we'll go in the hole 
 over ten thousand dollars if we don't get rid of 
 him." 
 
 27
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 ' ' But we can 't get rid of him, ' ' said Barney. ' ' We 
 got a contract with him." 
 
 ''Don't I know it?" said Leon, sadly. ''Ain't I 
 paid Henry D. Feldman a hundred dollars for draw- 
 ing it up? He's got us, Barney. Louis Grossman's 
 got us and no mistake. Well, I got to go up to the 
 cutting-room and see what he's doing now, Barney. 
 He can spoil more piece-goods in an hour than I can 
 buy in a week." 
 
 He rose wearily to his feet and was half-way to the 
 stairs in the rear of the store when Abe Potash en- 
 tered. 
 
 "Hallo, Leon!" Abe called. "Don't be in a rush. 
 I want to talk to you." 
 
 Leon returned to the show-room and shook 
 hands limply with Abe. It was a competitor's, not 
 a customer's, shake. 
 
 "Well, Abe," he said, "how's business?" 
 
 "If we got a good designer like you got, Leon," 
 Abe replied, "we would " 
 
 "A good designer!" Barney broke in. "Why 
 
 His involuntary disclaimer ended almost where it 
 began with a furtive, though painful, kick from his 
 elder brother. 
 
 "A good designer, Abe," Leon went on hastily, 
 "is a big asset, and Louis Grossman is a first-class 
 A Number One designer. We done a tremendous 
 spring business through Louis. I suppose you 
 heard about our style forty-one-fifty?" 
 
 28
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 Abe nodded. 
 
 "Them Arverne Sacques," he said. "Yes, I 
 heard about it from everybody I meet. He must be 
 a gold-mine, that Louis Grossman." 
 
 "He is," Leon continued. "Our other styles, too, 
 he turns out wonderful. Our Empire models what 
 he designs for us, Abe, I assure you is also making 
 a tremendous sensation. You ought to see the letter 
 we got this morning from Horowitz & Finkelbein." 
 
 Barney blew his nose with a loud snort. 
 
 "I guess I'll go upstairs, and see what the boys 
 is doing in the cutting-room, Leon," he said, and 
 made a hasty exit. 
 
 "Not that Louis Grossman ain't a good cutting- 
 room foreman, too, Abe," said Leon, "but we're just 
 getting in some new piece-goods and Barney wants 
 to check 'em off. But I ain't asked you yet what 
 we can do for you? A recommendation, maybe? 
 Our credit files is open to you, Abe." 
 
 Abe pushed his hat back from his forehead and 
 mopped his brow. Then he sat down and lit a cigar. 
 
 "Leon," he commenced, "what's the use of mak- 
 ing a lot of talk about it. I'm going to talk to you 
 man to man, Leon, and no monkey-business about it 
 nor nothing. I'm going to be plain and straightfor- 
 ward, Leon, and tell it to you right from the start 
 what I want. I don't believe in no beating bushes 
 around, Leon, and when I say a thing I mean it. I 
 got to talk right out, Leon. That's the kind of man 
 I am." 
 
 29
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 1 ' All right, Abe, ' ' Leon said. ' ' Don 't spring it on 
 me too sudden, though." 
 
 "Well," Abe continued, "it's this way." 
 
 He gave one last puff at his cigar. 
 
 "Leon," he said, "how much will you take for 
 Louis Grossman?" 
 
 ' ' Take ! ' ' Leon shouted. ' ' Take ! Why, Abe ' ' 
 
 He stopped suddenly, and, recovering his com- 
 posure just in the nick of time, remained silent. 
 
 "I know, Leon, he's a valuable man," Abe said 
 earnestly, "but I'm willing to be fair, Leon. Of 
 course I ain't a hog, and I don't think you are." 
 
 "No, I ain't," Leon replied quite calmly; "I ain't 
 a hog, and so I say I wouldn't take nothing for him, 
 Abe, because, Abe, if I told you what I would take for 
 him, Abe, then, maybe, you might have reason for 
 calling me a hog. ' ' 
 
 "Oh, no, I wouldn't, Leon," Abe protested. "I 
 told you I know he's a valuable man, so I want you 
 should name a price." 
 
 "7 should name a price!" Leon cried. "Why, 
 Abe, I'm surprised at you. If I go to a man to sell 
 something what I like to get rid of it, and he don't 
 want, then I name the price. But if a man comes to 
 me to buy something what I want to keep, and 
 what he's got to have, Abe, then lie names the price. 
 Ain't it?" 
 
 Abe looked critically at the end of his smoldering 
 cigar. 
 
 "Well, Leon," he said at length, "if I must name 
 
 30
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 a price, I suppose I must. Now I know you will 
 think me crazy, Leon, but I want to get a good de- 
 signer bad, Leon, and so I say" here he paused to 
 note the effect "five hundred dollars. 11 
 
 Leon held out his hand. 
 
 "I guess you got to excuse me, Abe," he said. 
 "I'd like it first rate to stay here and visit with you 
 all morning but I got work to do, and so I hope you'll 
 excuse me." 
 
 "Seven hundred and fifty," Abe said. 
 
 "Fifteen hundred dollars," Leon replied quite 
 firmly. 
 
 For twenty minutes Abe's figure rose and Leon's 
 fell until they finally met at ten hundred thirty-three, 
 thirty-three. 
 
 "He's worth it, Abe, believe me," said Leon, as 
 they shook hands on the bargain. "And now let's fix 
 it up right away." 
 
 Half an hour later, Abe, Louis Grossman and Leon 
 Sammet entered the spacious law offices of Henry D. 
 Feldman, who bears the same advisory relation to the 
 cloak and suit trade as Judge Gary did to the steel 
 and iron business. 
 
 The drawing of the necessary papers occupied the 
 better part of the day and it was not until three 
 o 'clock in the afternoon that the transaction was com- 
 plete. By its terms Sammet Brothers in considera- 
 tion of $1,033.33 paid by Potash & Perlmutter, re- 
 leased Louis Grossman from his contract, and Louis 
 entered into a new agreement with Potash & Perl- 
 si
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 mutter at an advance of a thousand a year over the 
 compensation paid him by Sammet Brothers. In 
 addition he was to receive frojn Potash & Perlmut- 
 ter five per cent, of the profits of their business, pay- 
 able weekly, the arrangement to be in force for one 
 year, during which time neither employer nor em- 
 ployee could be rid one of the other save by mutual 
 consent. 
 
 "It comes high, Mawruss," Abe said to his part- 
 ner, after he had returned to the store, "but I guess 
 Louis's worth it." 
 
 "I hope so," Morris replied. "Now we can make 
 up some of them Arverne Sacques." 
 
 "No, Mawruss," Abe replied, "I'm sorry to 
 say we can't, because, by the agreement what 
 Henry D. Feldman drew up, Sammet Brothers 
 has the sole right to make up and sell the Arverne 
 Sacques; but I seen to it, Mawruss, that we got 
 the right to make up and sell every other gar- 
 ment what Louis Grossman originated for them 
 this season." 
 
 He smiled triumphantly at his partner. 
 
 "And," he concluded, "he's coming to work Mon- 
 day morning." 
 
 At the end of three disillusionizing weeks Abe 
 Potash and Morris Perlmutter sat in the show-room 
 of their place of business. Abe 's hat was tilted over 
 his eyes and he whistled a tuneless air. Morris was 
 biting his nails. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," Abe said at length, "when we're 
 
 a*
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 stuck we're stuck; ain't it? What's the use of sit- 
 ting here like a couple of mummies; ain't it?" 
 
 Morris ceased biting his nails. 
 
 "Yes, Abe," he said, "ten hundred and thirty- 
 three, thirty-three for a designer what couldn't de- 
 sign paper-bags for a delicatessen store. I believe 
 he must have took lessons in designing from a cor- 
 respondence school." 
 
 "Believe me, Mawruss, he learned it by tele- 
 phone," Abe replied. "But cussing him out won't 
 do no good, Mawruss. The thing to do now is to get 
 busy and turn out some garments what we can sell. 
 Them masquerade costumes what he gets up you 
 couldn't sell to a five-and-ten-cent store." 
 
 "All right," Morris said. "Let's have another 
 designer and leave Louis to do the cutting." 
 
 "Another designer!" Abe exclaimed. "No, Maw- 
 russ, you're a good enough designer for me. I al- 
 ways said it, Mawruss, you 're a first-class A Number 
 One designer." 
 
 Thus encouraged, Morris once more took up the 
 work of the firm's designing, and he labored with the 
 energy of despair, for the season was far spent. At 
 length he evolved four models that made Abe's eyes 
 fairly bulge. 
 
 "That's snappy stuff, Mawruss," he said, as he 
 examined the completed samples one morning. "I 
 bet yer they sell like hot cakes. ' ' 
 
 Abe's prophecy more than justified itself, and in 
 ten days they were completely swamped with orders. 
 
 33
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 Abe and Morris went around wearing smiles that 
 only relaxed when they remembered Louis Grossman 
 and his hide-bound agreement, under which he drew 
 five per cent, of the firm 's profits and sixty dollars a 
 week. 
 
 "Anyhow, Mawruss, we'll get some return from 
 Louis Grossman," Abe said. "I advertised in the 
 Daily Cloak and Suit Record yesterday them four 
 styles of yours as the four best sellers of the season, 
 originated by the creator of the Arverne Sacque. 
 Ike Herzog was in the first thing this morning and 
 bought two big lots of each one of the models. Ike's 
 a great admirer of Louis Grossman, Mawruss. I bet 
 yer when Sammet Brothers saw that ad they went 
 crazy; ain't it?" 
 
 "But," Morris protested, "why should Louis 
 Grossman get the credit for my work?" 
 
 "Because, Mawruss, you know them Arverne 
 Sacques is the best sellers put out in the cloak 
 and suit business this year," Abe replied. "And 
 besides, Mawruss, we may be suckers, but that 
 ain't no reason why Sammet Brothers should 
 know it." 
 
 "Don't worry, Abe," said Morris; "they know 
 they stuck us good and plenty when they released 
 Louis Grossman." 
 
 "Do they?" Abe rejoined. "Well, they don't 
 know it unless you told 'em. Louis Grossman won't 
 tell 'em and I didn't tell 'em when I met Leon and 
 Barney at lunch to-day." 
 
 34
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 "What did you tell 'em?" Morris asked, some- 
 what alarmed. 
 
 "I told 'em, Mawruss, that the season is compara- 
 tively young yet, but we already made from ten to 
 twenty per cent, more sales by our new designer. I 
 told Leon them new styles what Louis Grossman got 
 up for us is selling so big we can't put 'em out fast 
 enough. ' ' 
 
 "And what did Leon say?" Morris asked. 
 
 "He didn't say nothing," Abe replied, "but he 
 looked like his best customer had busted up on him. 
 Then I showed him the order what we got from Ike 
 Herzog, and he started in right away to call Barney 
 down for going home early the day before. I tell 
 you, Mawruss, he was all broke up. ' ' 
 
 "I know, Abe," Morris commented, "that's all 
 right, too, but, all the same, we ain't got much of a 
 laugh on them two boys, so long as Louis Grossman 
 loafs away upstairs drawing sixty dollars a week and 
 five per cent, of the profits. ' ' 
 
 "Well," Abe replied, "what are you going to do 
 about it? Henry D. Feldman drew up the contract, 
 and you know, Mawruss, contracts what Henry D. 
 Feldman makes nobody can break." 
 
 "Can't they!" Morris cried. "Well, if Henry 
 D. Feldman made it can't Henry D. Feldman 
 break it? What good is the lawyer, anyhow, what 
 can't get us out of the contract what he fixed up 
 himself?" 
 
 Abe pondered over the situation for five minutes. 
 
 35
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 "You're right, Mawruss," lie said at length; "I'll 
 go and see Henry D. Feldman the first thing to- 
 morrow morning." 
 
 The next morning Leon Sammet sat at his roll- 
 top desk in his private office, while Barney went over 
 the morning mail. 
 
 "Hallo," Barney cried, "here's a check from 
 Horowitz & Finkelbein for the full amount of their 
 bill, Leon. I guess they thought better of that re- 
 turn shipment they made of them bum garments that 
 Louis Grossman designed. They ain't made no de- 
 duction on account of it." 
 
 "Bum garments, nothing," Leon commented. 
 "Them garments was all right, Barney. I guess we 
 didn't know how to treat Louis Grossman when he 
 worked by us. Look at the big success he's making 
 by Potash & Perlmutter. I bet yer they're five 
 thousand ahead on the season's sales already. "We 
 thought they was suckers when they paid us ten 
 thirty-three, thirty-three for him, but I guess the shoe 
 pinches on the other foot, Barney. I wish we had 
 him back, that's all. Them four new designs what 
 he made for Potash & Perlmutter is tremendous suc- 
 cesses. What did he done for us, Barney? One gar- 
 ment, the Arverne Sacque, and I bet yer them four 
 styles will put the Arverne Sacque clean out of busi- 
 ness." 
 
 "Well, Leon," said Barney, "you traded him off 
 so smart, why don't you get him back? Why don't 
 you see him, Leon?" 
 
 36
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 ' * I did see him, ' ' said Leon. ' * I called at his house 
 last night." 
 
 "And what did he say?" Barney asked. 
 
 "He said he's under contract, as you know, with 
 Potash & Perlmutter, and that if we can get him out 
 of it he's only too glad to come back to us. But 
 Henry D. Feldman drew up that contract, Barney, 
 and you know as well as I do, Barney, that what 
 Henry D. Feldman draws up is drawn up for keeps, 
 ain't itT" 
 
 "There's loopholes in every contract, Leon," said 
 Barney, "and a smart lawyer like Henry D. Feldman 
 can find 'em out quick enough. Why don't you go 
 right round and see Henry D. Feldman? Maybe he 
 can fix it so as to get Louis back here." 
 
 Leon shut down his roll-top desk and seized his hat. 
 
 "That's a good idea, Barney," he said. "I guess 
 I '11 take your advice. ' ' 
 
 It is not so much to know the law, ran Henry D. 
 Feldman 's motto, paraphrasing a famous dictum of 
 Judge Sharswood, as to look, act and talk as though 
 you knew it. To this end Mr. Feldman seldom em- 
 ployed a word of one syllable, if it had a synonym of 
 three or four syllables, and such phrases as res gesta, 
 scienter, and lex fori delicti were the very life of his 
 conversation with clients. 
 
 "The information which you now disclose, Mr. 
 Sammet," he said, after Leon had made known his 
 predicament, "is all obiter dicta." 
 
 Leon blushed. He imagined this to be somewhat 
 
 3 'Potash & Perlmutter. 37
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 harsh criticism of the innocent statement that he 
 thought Potash & Perlmutter could be bluffed into 
 releasing Louis Grossman. 
 
 "Imprimis," Mr. Feldman went on, "I have not 
 been consulted by Mr. Grossman about what he de- 
 sires done in the matter, but, speaking ex cathedra, I 
 am of the opinion that some method might be devised 
 for rescinding the contract." 
 
 "You mean we can get Potash & Perlmutter to re- 
 lease him?" 
 
 "Precisely," said Mr. Feldman, "and in a very 
 elementary and efficacious fashion." 
 
 "Well, I ain't prepared to pay so much money at 
 once," said Leon. 
 
 Now, when it came to money matters, Henry D. 
 Feldman 's language could be colloquial to the point 
 of slang. 
 
 "What's biting you now?" he said. "I ain't go- 
 ing to charge you too much. Leave it to me, and if 
 I deliver the goods it will cost you two hundred and 
 fifty dollars." 
 
 Leon sighed heavily, but he intended getting Louis 
 back at all costs, not, however, to exceed ten thirty- 
 three, thirty-three. 
 
 "Well, I ain't kicking none if you can manage it," 
 he replied. ' ' Tell us how to go about it. ' * 
 
 Straightway Mr. Feldman unfolded a scheme 
 which, stripped of its technical phraseology, was sim- 
 plicity itself. He rightly conjectured that the most 
 burdensome feature of the contract, so far as Potash 
 
 38
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 & Perlmutter were concerned, was the five per cent, 
 share of the profits that fell to Louis Grossman each 
 week. He therefore suggested that Louis approach 
 Abe Potash and request that, instead of five per cent, 
 of the profits, he be paid a definite sum each week, 
 for the cloak and suit business has its dull spells be- 
 tween seasons, when profits occasionally turn to 
 losses. Thus Louis could advance as a reason that 
 he would feel safer if he be paid, say, twenty dollars 
 a week the year round in lieu of his uncertain share 
 of the profits. 
 
 "Abe Potash will jump at that," Leon commented. 
 
 "I anticipate that he will," Mr. Feldman went on, 
 * ' and then, after he has paid Mr. Grossman the first 
 week's installment it will constitute a recission of 
 the old contract and a substitution of a new one, 
 which will be a contract of hiring from week to week. 
 At the conclusion of the first week their contractual 
 relations can be severed at the option of either 
 party." 
 
 "But I don't want them to do nothing like that," 
 Leon said. "I just want Louis to quit his job with 
 Potash & Perlmutter and come and work by us." 
 
 "Look a-here, Sammet," Feldman broke in impa- 
 tiently. "I can't waste a whole morning talking to 
 a boob that don't understand the English Ian* 
 guage. You're wise to the part about Louis Gross- 
 man asking for twenty dollars a week steady, instead 
 of his share of the proceeds, ain't you?" 
 
 Leon nodded. 
 
 39
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 ' * Then if Potash falls for it, ' ' Feldman concluded, 
 "as soon as Grossman gets the first twenty out of him 
 he can throw up his job on the spot. See!" 
 
 Leon nodded again. 
 
 "Then clear out of this," said Feldman and 
 pushed a button on his desk to inform the office-boy 
 that he was ready for the next client. 
 
 As Leon passed through the outer office he encoun- 
 tered Ike Herzog of the Bon Ton Credit Outfitting 
 Company, who was solacing himself with the Daily 
 Cloak and Suit Record in the interval of his waiting. 
 
 "Good morning, Mr. Herzog," Leon exclaimed. 
 ' * So you got your troubles, too. ' ' 
 
 "I ain't got no troubles, Leon," Ike Herzog said, 
 "but I got to use a lawyer in my business once in 
 awhile. Just now I 'm enlarging my place, and I got 
 contracts to make and new people to hire. I hope 
 you ain't got no law suits nor nothing. ' ' 
 
 "Law suits ain't in my line, Mr. Herzog," Leon 
 said. "Once in awhile I change my working people, 
 too. That's why I come here." 
 
 ' ' Sometimes you change 'em for the worse, Leon, ' ' 
 Herzog commented, indicating Abe Potash's effective 
 ad with a stubby forefinger. "You certainly made a 
 mistake when you got rid of Louis Grossman. He 's 
 turning out some elegant stuff for Potash & Perl- 
 mutter. ' ' 
 
 Leon nodded gloomily. 
 
 "Well, we all make mistakes, Mr. Herzog," he 
 said, "and that's why we got to come here." 
 
 40
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "That's so," Herzog agreed, as Leon opened the 
 door. "I hope I ain't making no mistake in what 
 I'm going to do." 
 
 "I hope not," Leon said as he passed out. 
 "Good morning." 
 
 Ike Herzog 's interview with Henry D. Feldman 
 was short and very much to his satisfaction, for when 
 he emerged from Feldman 's sanctum, to find Abe 
 Potash waiting without, he could not forbear a broad 
 smile. Abe nodded perfunctorily and a moment 
 later was closeted with the oracle. 
 
 "Mr. Feldman," he said, "I come to ask you an 
 advice, and as I'm pretty busy this morning, do me 
 the favor and leave out all them caveat emptors." 
 
 "Sure thing," Feldman replied. "Tell me all 
 about it." 
 
 "Well, then, Mr. Feldman," said Abe, "I want to 
 get rid of Louis Grossman." 
 
 Mr. Feldman almost jumped out of his chair. 
 
 "I want to fire Louis Grossman," Abe repeated. 
 ' ' You remember that you drew me up a burglar-proof 
 contract between him and us a few weeks ago, and 
 now I want you to be the burglar and bust it up for 
 me." 
 
 Feldman touched the button on his desk." 
 
 "Bring me the draft of the contract between 
 Potash & Perlmutter and Louis Grossman that I 
 dictated last month," he said to the boy who an- 
 swered. 
 
 In a few minutes the boy returned with a large 
 
 41
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 envelope. He was instructed never to come back 
 empty-handed when asked to bring anything, and, 
 in this instance the envelope held six sheets of 
 folded legal cap, some of which contained the score 
 of a pinochle game, played after office hours on Satur- 
 day afternoon between the managing clerk and the 
 process-server. 
 
 Feldman put the envelope in his pocket and retired 
 to a remote corner of the room. There he examined 
 the contents of the envelope and, knitting his brows 
 into an impressive frown, he took from the well- 
 stocked shelves that lined the walls book after book 
 of digests and reports. Occasionally he made notes 
 on the back of the envelope, and after the space of 
 half an hour he returned to his chair and prepared to 
 deliver himself of a weighty opinion. 
 
 "In the first place, " he said, "this man Grossman 
 ain't incompetent in his work, is he?" 
 
 "Incompetent!" Abe exclaimed. "Oh, no, he 
 ain't incompetent. He's competent enough to sue us 
 for five thousand dollars after we fire him, if that's 
 what you mean. ' ' 
 
 "Then I take it that you don't want to discharge 
 him for incompetence and risk a law suit," Mr. 
 Feldman went on. "Now, before we go on, how 
 much does his share of your profits amount to each 
 week!" 
 
 "About thirty dollars in the busy season," Abe 
 replied. 
 
 ' ' Then here 's your scheme, ' ' said Feldman. "You 
 
 42
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 go to Grossman and say: 'Look a-here, Grossman, 
 this business of figuring out profits each week is a 
 troublesome piece of bookkeeping. Suppose we call 
 your share of the profits forty dollars a week and let 
 it go at thai* D'ye suppose Grossman would take 
 it?" 
 
 " Would a cat eat liver?" said Abe. 
 
 "Well, then," Feldman now concluded, "after 
 Grossman accepts the offer, and you pay him the first 
 installment of forty dollars you're substituting a new 
 weekly contract in place of the old yearly one, and 
 you can fire Grossman just as soon as you have a 
 mind to." 
 
 "But suppose he sues me, anyhow?" said Abe. 
 
 "If he does," Feldman replied. "I won't charge 
 you a cent; otherwise it'll be two hundred and fifty 
 dollars. ' ' 
 
 He touched the bell in token of dismissal. 
 
 1 ' This fellow, Grossman, is certainly a big money- 
 maker," he said to himself, after Abe had gone, "/or 
 me." 
 
 The following Saturday Abe sat in the showroom 
 making up the weekly payroll, and with his own hand 
 he drew a check to the order of Louis Grossman for 
 forty dollars. 
 
 1 1 Mawruss, ' ' he said, ' ' do me the favor and go up- 
 stairs to Louis Grossman. You know what to say to 
 him." 
 
 "Why should / go, Abe?" Morris said. "You 
 know the whole plan. You saw Feldman." 
 
 43
 
 "But it don't look well for me," Abe rejoined. 
 "Do me the favor and go yourself." 
 
 Morris shrugged his shoulders and departed, while 
 Abe turned to the pages of the Daily Cloak and Suit 
 Record to bridge over the anxious period of Morris' 
 absence. The first item that struck his eye ap- 
 peared under the heading, "Alterations and Im- 
 provements. ' ' 
 
 "The Bon Ton Credit Outfitting Company, Isaac 
 Herzog, Proprietor," it read, "is about to open a 
 manufacturing department, aiid will, on and after 
 June 1, do all its own manufacturing and alterations 
 in the enlarged store premises, Nos. 5940, 5942 and 
 5946 Second Avenue." 
 
 Abe laid down the paper with a sigh. 
 
 "There's where we lose another good customer," 
 he said as Morris returned. A wide grin was spread 
 over Morris' face. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss?" Abe asked. 
 
 "Yes, Abe," Morris replied. "Ten hundred and 
 thirty-three, thirty-three you paid for him. And 
 now you must pay him forty dollars a week. I ain't 
 so generous, Abe, believe me. I settled with him for 
 twenty-seven-fifty. ' ' 
 
 "Well, Mawruss, it's only for one week," Abe 
 protested. 
 
 "I know," said Morris, "but why should he get the 
 benefit of it?" 
 
 "Did you have much of a time getting him to take 
 it?" Abe asked. 
 
 44
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 ''It was like this," Morris explained. "I told him 
 what you said about a lump sum in place of profits 
 and asked him to name his price, and the first thing 
 he says was twenty-seven-fifty." 
 
 "And you let him have it for that!" Abe cried. 
 ' ' You 're a business man, Mawruss, I must say. I bet 
 yer he would have took twenty-five." 
 
 He tore up the check for forty dollars and drew a 
 new one for twenty-seven-fifty. 
 
 "Here, Mawruss," he said, "take it up to him like 
 a good feller." 
 
 It was precisely noon when Morris delivered the 
 check to Louis Grossman, and it was one o 'clock when 
 Louis went out to lunch. 
 
 Three o'clock struck before Abe first noted his 
 absence. 
 
 "Ain't that feller come back from his dinner yet, 
 Mawruss?" he asked. 
 
 "No," Morris replied. "I wonder what can be 
 keeping him. He generally takes half an hour for 
 his dinner." 
 
 At this juncture the telephone bell rang in the rear 
 of the store and Abe answered it. 
 
 "Hello," he said; "yes, this is Potash & Perlmut- 
 ter. Oh, hello, Leon, what can we do for you!" 
 
 "I want to speak to Louis Grossman. Can you 
 call him to the 'phone!" Leon said. 
 
 "Louis ain't in," Abe said. "Do you want to 
 leave a message for him ! ' ' 
 
 "Well," Leon hesitated, "the fact is we had an 
 
 45
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 appointment with him for two o 'clock over here, and 
 he ain 't showed up yet. ' ' 
 
 "Appointment with Louis!" Abe said. "Why, 
 what should you have an appointment with Louis for, 
 Leon?" 
 
 "Well," Leon stammered, "I now got to see 
 him now about them Arverne Sacques. ' ' 
 
 " Oh ! " Abe said. ' * I understand. Well, he went 
 to lunch about twelve o 'clock, and he ain 't come back 
 yet. Is there anything what we can do for you, 
 Leon?" 
 
 But Sammet had hung up the receiver without 
 waiting for further conversation. 
 
 At four o 'clock the telephone rang again, and once 
 more Abe answered it. 
 
 "Hello," he said. "Yes, this is Potash & Perl- 
 mutter. Oh ! hello, Leon ! What can we do for you 
 now?" 
 
 "Abe," Leon said, "Louis ain't showed up yet. 
 Has he showed up at your place yet?" 
 
 "No, he ain't, Leon," Abe replied. "You seem 
 mighty anxious to see him. Why, what for should 
 I. try to prevent him speaking to you? He ain't here, 
 I tell you. All right, Leon; then I'm a liar." 
 
 He hung up the receiver with a bang, and an hour 
 later when Morris and he locked up the place, Louis ' 
 absence remained a complete mystery to his employ- 
 ers. 
 
 On Monday morning Abe and Morris opened the 
 store at seven-thirty, and while Morris examined the 
 
 40
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 mail, Abe took Tip the Daily Cloak and Suit Record 
 ;ind scanned the business-trouble column. There 
 tfere no failures of personal or firm interest to Abe, 
 *o he passed on to the new-business column. The 
 first item caused him to gasp, and he almost swal- 
 lowed the butt of his cigar. It read : 
 
 A partnership has this day been formed between Isaac Herzog 
 and Louis Grossman, to carry on the business of the Bon Ton 
 Credit Outfitting Company, under the same firm name. It is 
 understood that Mr. Grossman will have charge of the designing 
 and manufacturing end of the concern. 
 
 He handed the paper over to Morris and lit a fresh 
 cigar. 
 
 "Another sucker for Louis Grossman," he said, 
 "and I bet yer Henry D. Feldman drew up the co- 
 partnership papers." 
 
 CHAPTER HI 
 
 WHEN Mr. Siegmund Lowenstein, proprietor 
 of the 'Gorman-Henderson Dry-Goods 
 Company of Galveston, Texas, entered 
 Potash & Perlmutter's show-room, he expected to 
 give only a small order. Mr. Lowenstein usually 
 transacted his business with Abe Potash, who was 
 rather conservative in matters of credit extension, 
 more especially since Mr. Lowenstein was reputed to 
 play auction pinochle with poor judgment and for 
 high stakes. 
 
 47
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 Therefore, Mr. Lowenstein intended to buy a few 
 staples, specialties of Potash & Perlmutter, and to 
 reserve the balance of his spring orders for other 
 dealers who entertained more liberal credit notions 
 than did Abe Potash. Much to his gratification, 
 however, he was greeted by Morris Perlmutter. 
 
 "Ah, Mr. Perlmutter," he said; "glad to see you. 
 Is Mr. Potash in?" 
 
 "He's home, sick, to-day," Morris replied. 
 
 Mr. Lowenstein clucked sympathetically. 
 
 "You don't say so," he murmured. "That's too 
 bad. What seems to be the trouble?" 
 
 "He's been feeling mean all the winter," Morris 
 replied. "The doctor says he needs a rest." 
 
 "That's always the way with them hard-working 
 fellers," Mr. Lowenstein went on. "I'm feeling 
 pretty sick myself, I assure you, Mr. Perlmutter. 
 I've been working early and late in my store. We 
 never put in such a season before, and we done a phe- 
 nomenal holiday business. We took stock last week 
 and we're quite cleaned out. I bet you we ain't got 
 stuck a single garment in any line cloaks, suits, 
 clothing or furs." 
 
 "I'm glad to hear it," Morris said. 
 
 "And we expect this season will be a cracker jack, 
 too," he continued. "I had to give a few emergency 
 orders to jobbers down South before I left Galveston, 
 we had such an early rush of spring trade." 
 
 "Is that so?" Morris commented. "I wish we 
 could say the same in New York. ' ' 
 
 48
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 "You don't tell me!" Mr. Lowenstein rejoined. 
 "Why, I was over by Garfunkel and Levy just now, 
 and Mr. Levy says lie is almost too busy. I looked 
 over their line and I may place an order with them, 
 although they ain't got too good an assortment, Mr. 
 Perlmutter. ' ' 
 
 "Far be it from me to knock a competitor's line, 
 Mr. Lowenstein," Morris commented, "but I hon- 
 estly think they get their designers off of Ellis 
 Island." 
 
 "Well," Mr. Lowenstein conceded, "of course I 
 don't say they got so good an assortment what you 
 have, Mr. Perlmutter, but they got a liberal credit 
 policy." 
 
 "Why, what's the matter with our credit policy?" 
 Morris asked. 
 
 "Nothing," Mr. Lowenstein replied. "Only a 
 merchant like me, what wants to enlarge his 
 business, needs a little better terms than thirty 
 days. Ain't it? I'm improving my departments 
 all the time, and I got to buy more fixtures, lay 
 in a better stock and even build a new wing to 
 my store building. All this costs money, Mr. 
 Perlmutter, as you know, and contractors must 
 be paid strictly for cash. Under the circum- 
 stances, I need ready money, and, naturally, the 
 house what gives me the most generous credit gets 
 my biggest order." 
 
 "Excuse me for a moment," Morris broke in, "I 
 think I hear the telephone." 
 
 49
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 He walked to the rear of the store, where the tele- 
 phone bell had been trilling impatiently. 
 
 ' 'Hello,'* he said, taking the receiver off the hook. 
 
 " Hello," said a voice from the other end of the 
 line. "Is this Potash & Perlnmtter V ' 
 
 "It is," said Morris. 
 
 "Well, this is Garfunkel & Levy," the voice went 
 on. "We understand Mr. Lowenstein, of Galveston, 
 is in your store. Will you please and call him to the 
 'phone for a minute 1 ?" 
 
 "This ain't no public pay station," Morris cried. 
 "And besides, Mr. Lowenstein just left here." 
 
 He banged the receiver onto the hook and returned 
 at once to the front of the store. 
 
 "Now, Mr. Lownstein," he said, "what can I do 
 for you?" 
 
 And two hours later Mr. Lowenstein left the store 
 with the duplicate of a twenty-four-hundred-dollar 
 order in his pocket, deliveries to commence within 
 five days ; terms, ninety days net. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris said the next day as his part- 
 ner, Abe Potash, entered the show-room, "how are 
 you feeling to-day!" 
 
 "Mean, Mawruss," Abe replied. "I feel mean. 
 The doctor says I need a rest. He says I got to go 
 away to the country or I will maybe break down. ' ' 
 
 "Is that so?" said Morris, deeply concerned. 
 "Well, then, you'd better go right away, before you 
 get real serious sick. Why not fix it so you can go 
 away to-morrow yet?" 
 
 so
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 <; To-morrow!" Abe exclaimed. "It don't go so 
 quick as all that, Mawruss. You can't believe every- 
 thing the doctors tell you. I ain't exactly dead yet, 
 Mawruss. I'm like the feller what everybody says is 
 going to fail, Mawruss. They give him till after 
 Christmas to bust up, and then he does a fine holiday 
 trade, and the first thing you know, Mawruss, he's 
 buying real estate. No, Mawruss, I feel pretty 
 mean, I admit, but I think a good two-thousand-dollar 
 order would put me all right again, and so long as 
 we wouldn't have no more trouble with designers, 
 Mawruss, I guess I would stay right too." 
 
 "Well, if that's the case," said Morris, beaming 
 all over, ' ' I guess I can fix you up. Siegmund Low- 
 enstein, of Galveston, was in here yesterday, and I 
 sold him a twenty-four-hundred-dollar order, includ- 
 ing them forty-twenty-two's, and you know as well 
 as I do, Abe, them forty-twenty-two's is stickers. 
 We got 'em in stock now over two months, ever since 
 Abe Magnus, of Nashville, turned 'em back on us." 
 
 Abe's reception of the news was somewhat dis- 
 appointing to Morris. He showed no elation, but 
 selected a slightly-damaged cigar from the K. to O. 
 first and second credit customers' box, and lit it de- 
 liberately before replying. 
 
 "How much was that last order he give us, Maw- 
 russ?" lie asked. 
 
 "Four hundred dollars," Morris replied. 
 
 "And what terms'?" Abe continued. 
 
 "Five off, thirty days." 
 
 51
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "And what terms did you quote him yesterday?" 
 asked Abe inexorably. 
 
 "Ninety days, net," Morris murmured. 
 
 Abe puffed vigorously at his cigar, and there was 
 a long and significant silence. 
 
 "I should think, Abe," Morris said at length, "the 
 doctor wouldn't let you smoke cigars if you was 
 nearly breaking down." 
 
 "So long as you sell twenty-four hundred dollars 
 at ninety days to a crook and a gambler like Sieg- 
 mund Lowenstein, Mawruss," Abe replied, "one 
 cigar more or less won't hurt me. If I can stand a 
 piece of news like that, Mawruss, I guess I can stand 
 anything. Why didn't you give him thirty days' 
 dating, too, Mawruss?" 
 
 At once Morris plunged into a long account of the 
 circumstances attending the giving of Mr. Lowen- 
 stein 's order, including the telephone message from 
 Garfunkel & Levy, and at its conclusion Abe grew 
 somewhat mollified. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," he said, "we took the order and 
 I suppose we got to ship it. When you deal with a 
 gambler like Lowenstein you got to take a gambler 's 
 chance. Anyhow, I ain't going to worry about it, 
 Mawruss. Next week I'm going away for a fort- 
 night." 
 
 "Where are you going, Abe?" Morris asked. 
 
 "To Dotyville, Pennsylvania," Abe replied. "We 
 leave next Saturday. In the meantime I ain't going- 
 to worry, Mawruss." 
 
 52
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 "That's right, Abe," said Morris, 
 
 "Sure it's right," Abe rejoined. "I'm going to 
 leave you to do the worrying, and in the meantime I 
 guess I'll look after getting out them forty-twenty- 
 two's. Them forty-twenty-two's them plum-color 
 Empires was your idee, Mawruss. You said they'd 
 make a hit with the Southern trade, Mawruss, and I 
 hope they do, Mawruss, for, if they don't, there ain't 
 much chance of our getting paid for them. ' ' 
 
 A week later Abe Potash and his wife left for 
 Dotyville, Pennsylvania, and two days afterward 
 Morris received the following letter: 
 
 DOTY'S UNION HOUSE, 
 
 Dotyville, Pennsylvania. 
 Dear Morris: 
 
 How is things in the store? We got here the day before 
 yesterday and I have got enough already. It is a dead town. 
 The food what they give us reminds me when Pincus Vesell & 
 me was partners together as new beginners and I was making 
 southern trips by dollar and a half a day houses American plan. 
 The man Doty what keeps the hotel also runs the general store 
 also. He says a fellow by the name of Levy used to run it but 
 he couldnt make it go; he made a failure of it. I tried to sell 
 him a few garments but he claims to be overstocked at present 
 and I believe him. I seen some styles what he tries to get rid 
 of it what me & Pincus Vesell made up in small lots way before 
 the Spanish war already. It is a dead town. Me and Rosie leave 
 tonight for Pittsburg and we are going to stay with Rosies 
 brother in law Hyman Margolius. Write us how things is going 
 in the store to the Outlet Auction House Hyman Margolius prop 
 2132 4 & 6 North Potter Ave Pittsburg Pa. You should see that 
 Miss Cohen billed them 4022s on date we packed them as Gold- 
 
 4 Potash & Perlmutter. 53
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 man the shipping clerk forgot to give them to Arrow Dispatch 
 when they called. That aint our fault Morris. Write and tell 
 me how things is going in the store and dont forget to tell Miss 
 Cohen about the bill to S. Lowenstein as above 
 
 Yours Truly 
 
 A. POTASH. 
 P. S. How is things in the store? 
 
 During the first three days of Abe Potash's vaca- 
 tion he had traveled by local train one hundred and 
 twenty miles to Dotyville, and unpacked and packed 
 two trunks under the shrill and captious supervision 
 of Mrs. Potash. Then followed a tiresome journey 
 to Pittsburgh with two changes of cars, and finally, 
 on the morning of the fourth day, at seven-thirty 
 sharp, he accompanied Hyman Margolius to the lat- 
 ter 's place of business. 
 
 There he took off his coat and helped Hyman and 
 his staff of assistants to pile up and mark for auction 
 a large consignment of clothing. After this, he 
 called off the lot numbers while Hyman checked them 
 in a first draft of a printed catalogue, and at one 
 o'clock, with hands and face all grimy from contact 
 with the ill-dyed satinets of which the clothing was 
 manufactured, he partook of a substantial luncheon 
 at Bleistift's Restaurant and Lunch-Room. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Hyman said, "how do you like the 
 auction business so far as you gone yet?" 
 
 "It's a good, live business, Hymie," Abe replied; 
 "but, the way it works out, it ain't always on the 
 square. A fellow what wants to do his creditors buys 
 
 54
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 goods in New York, we'll say, for his business in 
 Galveston, we'll say, and then when he gets the goods 
 he don't even bother to unpack 'em, Hymie, but ships 
 'em right away to you. And you examine 'em, and 
 if they're all 0. K., why, you send him a check for 
 about half what it costs to manufacture 'em. Then 
 he pockets the check, Hymie, and ten days later 
 busts up on the poor sucker what sold him the 
 goods in New York at ninety days. Ain't that right, 
 Hymie?" 
 
 "Why, that's the funniest thing you ever seen!" 
 Hyman exclaimed. 
 
 "What's the funniest thing I ever seen, Hymie I" 
 
 "You talking about Galveston, for instance." 
 
 Abe turned pale and choked on a piece of ros- 
 braten. 
 
 "What d'ye mean?" he gasped. 
 
 "Why," said Hyman, "I just received a consign- 
 ment of garments from a feller called Lowenstein in 
 Galveston. He wrote me he was overstocked." 
 
 "Overstocked?" Abe cried. "Overstocked? What 
 color was them garments!" 
 
 "Why, they was a kind of plum color," said 
 Hyman. 
 
 Abe put his hand to his throat and eased his collar. 
 
 "And did you send him a check for 'em yet?" he 
 croaked. 
 
 "Not yet," said Hyman. 
 
 Abe grabbed him by the collar. 
 
 ' l Come ! " he said. * ' Come quick by a lawyer ! ' ' 
 
 55
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 "What for?" Hyman asked. "You're pulling 
 that coat all out of shape yet." 
 
 "I'll buy you another one," Abe cried. "Them 
 plum-color garments is mine, and I want to get 'em 
 back", 
 
 Hyman paid the bill, and on their way down the 
 street they passed a telegraph office. 
 
 "Wait," Abe cried, "I must send Mawruss a 
 wire. ' ' 
 
 He entered and seized a telegraph f brm, which he 
 addressed to Potash & Perlmutter. 
 
 "Don't ship no more goods to Lowenstein, Morris. 
 Will explain by letter to-night," he wrote. 
 
 "Now, Hymie," he said after he had paid for the 
 dispatch, "we go by your lawyer." 
 
 Five minutes later they were closeted with Max 
 Marcus, senior member of the firm of Marcus, Wein- 
 schenck & Grab, and a lodge brother of Hymie Mar- 
 golius. Max made a specialty of amputation cases. 
 He was accustomed to cashing missing arms and legs 
 at a thousand dollars apiece for the victims of rolling- 
 mill and railway accidents, and when the sympathetic 
 jury brought in their generous verdict Max paid the 
 expert witnesses and pocketed the net proceeds. 
 These rarely fell below five thousand dollars. 
 
 "Sit down, Hymie. Glad to see you, Mr. Potash," 
 Max said, stroking a small gray mustache with a five- 
 carat diamond ring. "What can I do for you? 11 
 
 1 1 1 got some goods belonging to Mr. Potash what a 
 fellow called Lowenstein in Galveston, Texas, 
 
 5*
 
 shipped me, ' ' said Hymie, ' ' and Mr. Potash wants to 
 get 'em back." 
 
 "Replevin, hey?" Max said. "That's a little out 
 of my line, but I guess I can fix you up. ' ' He rang 
 for a stenographer. "Take this down," he said to 
 her, and turned to Abe Potash. "Now, tell us the 
 facts." 
 
 Abe recounted the tale Mr. Lowenstein had related 
 to Morris Perlmutter, by which Lowenstein made it 
 appear that he was completely out of stock. Next, 
 Hyman Margolius produced Siegmund Lowenstein 's 
 letter which declared that Lowenstein was disposing 
 of the Empire cloaks because he was overstocked. 
 
 "S 'enough, " Max declared. "Tell, Mr. Wein- 
 schenck to work it up into an affidavit, ' ' he continued 
 to the stenographer, "and bring us in a jurat." 
 
 A moment later she returned with a sheet of legal 
 cap, on the top of which was typewritten : 1 1 Sworn to 
 before me this first day of April, 1904." 
 
 "Sign opposite the brace," said Max, pushing the 
 paper at Abe, and Abe scrawled his name where indi- 
 cated. 
 
 "Now, hold up your right hand," said Max, and 
 Abe obeyed. 
 
 "Do you solemnly swear that the affidavit sub- 
 scribed by you is true 1 ' ' Max went on. 
 
 "What affidavit?" Abe asked. 
 
 < < Why, the one Weinschenck is going to draw when 
 he comes back from lunch, of course," Max replied. 
 
 "Sure it's true," said Abe. 
 
 57
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 "All right, " Max concluded briskly. 
 
 "Now give me a check for fifty dollars for my fees, 
 five dollars for a surety company bond, and five dol- 
 lars sheriff's fees, and I'll get out a replevin order 
 on the strength of that affidavit in half an hour, and 
 have a deputy around to the store at three o 'clock to 
 transfer the goods from Hymie to you." 
 
 ' ' Sixty dollars is pretty high for a little thing like 
 that, ain't it, Max?" said Hymie. 
 
 "High?" Max cried indignantly. "High? Why, 
 if you wasn't a lodge brother of mine, Hymie, I 
 wouldn't have stirred a hand for less than a hun- 
 dred." 
 
 Thus rebuked, Abe paid over the sixty dollars, and 
 Hymie and he went back to the store. Precisely at 
 three a deputy sheriff entered the front door and 
 flashed a gold badge as big as a dinner-plate. His 
 stay was brief, and in five minutes he had relieved 
 Abe of all his spare cigars and departed, leaving only 
 a certified copy of the replevin order and a strong 
 smell of whisky to signalize the transfer of the Em- 
 pire gowns from Hymie to Abe. 
 
 Hardly had he banged the door behind him when a 
 messenger boy entered and handed a telegram to 
 Abe. 
 
 "Ain't shipped no goods but the 4022 's," it read. 
 "Have wired Lowenntein to return the 4022s. MOR- 
 RIS. ' ' 
 
 "Fine! Fine!" Abe exclaimed. He tipped the 
 boy a dime and was about to acquaint Hyman with 
 
 58
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 the good news, when another messenger boy entered 
 and delivered a second telegram to Abe. It read as 
 follows : 
 
 "Lowenstein wires he insists on delivery entire 
 order complete, otherwise he will sue. What shall I 
 wire him? MORRIS." 
 
 Abe seized his hat and dashed down the street to 
 the telegraph office. 
 
 ' ' Gimme a blank, ' ' he said to the operator, who 
 handed him a whole padful. For the next twenty 
 minutes Abe scribbled and tore up by turns until he 
 finally evolved a satisfactory missive. This he 
 handed to the operator, who read it with a broad grin 
 and passed it back at once. 
 
 "Wot d'ye take me for?" he said. "A bum? 
 Dere 's ladies in de main office. ' ' 
 
 Abe glared at the operator and began again. 
 
 "Here," he said to the operator after another 
 quarter of an hour of scribbling and tearing up, 
 "send this." 
 
 It was in the following form : 
 
 Don't send no more goods to Lowenstein 
 " " " " wires " nobody 
 
 "Fourteen words," the operator said. "Fifty- 
 four cents." 
 
 "What's that?" Abe cried. "What yer trying to 
 do? Make money on me? That ain't no fourteen 
 words. That's nine words." 
 
 59
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "It is, hey?" the operator rejoined. "Quit yer 
 kiddin'. Dat's fourteen words. Ditto marks don't 
 go, see?" 
 
 " You 're a fresh young feller," said Abe, paying 
 over fifty-four cents, "and I got a good mind to 
 report you to the head office. ' ' 
 
 The operator laughed raucously. 
 
 "G'wan!" he said. "Beat it, or I'll sick de cops 
 onter yer. It's agin the law to cuss in Pittsburgh, 
 even by telegraft." 
 
 When Abe returned to the Outlet Auction House's 
 store Hyman was busy stacking up the plum-color 
 gowns in piles convenient for shipping. 
 
 "Well, Abe," he said, "I thought you was here 
 for a vacation. "You're doing some pretty tall 
 hustling for a sick man, I must say." 
 
 "I'll tell you the truth, Hymie," Abe replied, "I 
 ain't got no time to be sick. It ain't half -past three 
 yet, and I guess I'll take a couple of them garments 
 and see what I can do with the jobbing and retail 
 trade in this here town." 
 
 "Don't you think you'd better take it easy for a 
 while, Abe?" Hyman suggested. 
 
 "I am taking it easy," said Abe. "So long as I 
 ain't working I'm resting, ain't it, Hymie? And you 
 know as well as I do, Hymie, selling goods never was 
 work to me. It's a pleasure, Hymie, I assure you." 
 
 He placed two of the plum-colored Empire gowns 
 under his arm, and thrusting his hat firmly on the 
 back of his head made straight for the dry-goods 
 
 so
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 district. Two hours later he returned, wearing a 
 broad smile that threatened to engulf his stubby 
 black mustache between his nose and his chin. , 
 
 "Hymie," he said, "I'm sorry I got to disturb 
 that nice pile you made of them garments. I'll get 
 right to work myself and assort the sizes." 
 
 "Why, what's the trouble now, Abe?" Hyman 
 asked. 
 
 "I disposed of 'em, Hymie," Abe replied. Two 
 hundred to Hamburg and Weiss. Three hundred to 
 the Capitol Credit Outfitting Company, and five 
 hundred to Feinroth and Pearl. ' ' 
 
 "Hold on there, Abe!" Hymie exclaimed. "You 
 only got six hundred, and you sold a thousand gar- 
 ments. ' ' 
 
 "I know, Hymie," said Abe, "but I'm going home 
 to-morrow, and I got a month in which to ship the 
 balance. ' ' 
 
 "Going home?" Hyman cried. 
 
 "Sure," said Abe. "I had a good long vacation, 
 and now I got to get down to business. ' ' 
 
 One morning, two weeks later, Abe sat with his 
 feet cocked up on his desk in the show-room of 
 Potash & Perlmutter's spacious cloak and suit es- 
 tablishment. Between his teeth he held a fine Pitts- 
 burgh cheroot at an angle of about ninety-five 
 degrees to his protruding under-lip, and he perused 
 with relish the business-trouble column of the Daily 
 Cloak and Suit Record. 
 
 "Now, what do you think of that?" he exclaimed. 
 
 to
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "What do I think of what, Abet" Morris in- 
 quired. 
 
 For answer Abe thrust the paper toward his part- 
 ner with one hand, and indicated a scare headline 
 with the other. 
 
 "Fraudulent Bankruptcy in Galveston," it read. 
 "A petition in bankruptcy was filed yesterday 
 against Siegmund Lowenstein, doing business as the 
 'Gorman-Henderson Dry-Goods Company, in Gal- 
 veston, Texas. When the Federal receiver took 
 charge of the bankrupt's premises they were appar- 
 ently swept clean of stock and fixtures. It is under- 
 stood that Lowenstein has fled to Matamoros, Mexico, 
 where his wife preceded him some two weeks ago. 
 The liabilities are estimated at fifty thousand dollars, 
 and the only asset is the store building, which is 
 valued at ten thousand dollars and is subject to mort- 
 gages aggregating about the same amount. The 
 majority of the creditors are in New York City and 
 Boston." 
 
 Morris returned the paper to his partner without 
 comment. 
 
 "You see, Mawruss," said Abe, as he lit a fresh 
 cheroot. "Sometimes it pays to be sick. Ain't it?" 
 
 62
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 CHAPTER IV 
 
 ""V TEVER no more, Mawruss," said Abe Potash 
 I^U to his partner as they sat in the show-room 
 of their spacious cloak and suit establish- 
 ment one week after Abe's return from Pittsburgh. 
 "Never no more, Mawruss, because it ain't good 
 policy. This is strictly a wholesale business, and if 
 once we sell a friend one garment that friend brings 
 a friend, and that friend brings also a friend, and the 
 first thing you know, Mawruss, we are doing a big 
 retail business at a net loss of fifty cents a garment. ' ' 
 
 "But this ain't a friend, Abe," Morris protested. 
 "It's my wife's servant-girl. She seen one of them 
 samples, style forty-twenty-two, them plum-color 
 Empires what I took it home to show M. Garfunkel 
 on my way down yesterday, and now she's crazy to 
 have one. If she don't get one my Minnie is afraid 
 she'll leave." 
 
 "All right," Abe said, "let her leave. If my 
 Rosie can cook herself and wash herself, Mawruss, I 
 guess it won't hurt your Minnie. Let her try doing 
 her own work for a while, Mawruss. I guess it'll do 
 her good." 
 
 "But, anyhow, Abe, I told the girl to come down 
 this morning and I'd give her one for two dollars, 
 and I guess she'll be here most any time now." 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," said Abe, "this once is all right, 
 
 63
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 but never no more. We ain't doing a cloak and suit 
 business for the servant-girl trade. " 
 
 Further discussion was prevented by the entrance 
 of the retail customer herself. Morris jumped 
 quickly to his feet and conducted her to the rear of 
 the store, while Abe silently sought refuge in the 
 cutting-room upstairs. 
 
 "What size do you think you wear, Lina?" Morris 
 asked. 
 
 ' ' Big, ' > Lina replied. ' l Fat. ' ' 
 
 "Yes, I know," Morris said, "but what size?" 
 
 "Very fat," Lina replied. She was a Lithuanian 
 and her generous figure had never known the refining 
 influence of a corset until she had landed at Ellis 
 Island two years before. 
 
 4 * That 'a the biggest I got, Lina, ' ' Morris said, pro- 
 ducing the largest-size garment in stock. ' ' Maybe if 
 you try it on over your dress you'll get some idea of 
 whether it's big enough." 
 
 Lina struggled feet first into the gown, which 
 buttoned down the back, and for five minutes 
 Morris labored with clenched teeth to fasten it for 
 her. 
 
 "That's a fine fit," he said, as he concluded his 
 task. He led her toward the mirror in the front of 
 the show-room just as M. Garfunkel entered the store 
 door. 
 
 "Hallo, Mawruss," he cried. "What's this? A 
 new cloak model you got?" 
 
 Morris blushed, while Lina and M. Garfunkel both 
 
 64
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 made a critical examination of the garment's eccen- 
 tric fit. 
 
 "Why, that's one of them forty-twenty-two's what 
 I ordered a lot of this morning, Mawruss. Ain 't it ! " 
 
 Morris gazed ruefully at the plum-color gown and 
 nodded. 
 
 "Then don't ship that order till you hear from 
 me," M. Garfunkel said. "I guess I got to hustle 
 right along." 
 
 "Don't be in a hurry, Mr. Garfunkel," Morris 
 cried. "You ain't come in the store just to tell me 
 that, have you?" 
 
 "Yes, I have," said Garfunkel, his eye still glued 
 to Lina's bulging figure. "That's all what I come 
 for. I'll write you this afternoon." 
 
 He slammed the door behind him and Morris 
 turned to the unbuttoning of the half-smothered Lina. 
 
 "That'll be two dollars for you, Lina," he said, 
 ?< and I guess it'll be about four hundred for us." 
 
 At seven the next morning, when Abe came down 
 the street from the subway, a bareheaded girl sat on 
 the short flight of steps leading to Potash & Perl- 
 mutter's store door. As Abe approached, the girl 
 rose and nodded, whereat Abe scowled. 
 
 "If a job you want it," he said, "you should go 
 round to the back door and wait till the foreman 
 comes. ' ' 
 
 "Me no want job," she said. "Me coosin." 
 
 "Cousin!" Abe cried. "Whose cousin?" 
 
 "Lina's coosin," said the girl. She held out her 
 
 65
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 hand and, opening it, disclosed a two-dollar bill all 
 damp and wrinkled. "Me want dress like Lina." 
 
 "What!" Abe cried. "So soon already!" 
 
 "Lina got nice red dress. She show it me last 
 night, ' ' the girl said. Me got one, too. ' ' 
 
 She smiled affably, and for the first time Abe no- 
 ticed the smooth, fair hair, the oval face and the slen- 
 der, girlish figure that seemed made for an Empire 
 gown. Then, of course, there was the two-dollar bill 
 and its promise of a cash sale, which always makes 
 a strong appeal to a credit-harried mind like Abe's. 
 ' * Oh, well, ' ' he said with a sigh, leading the way to 
 the rack of Empire gowns in the rear of the store, 
 "if I must I suppose I must." 
 
 He selected the smallest gown in stock and handed 
 it to her. 
 
 "If you can get into that by your own self you 
 can have it for two dollars," he said, pocketing the 
 crumpled bill. "I don't button up nothing for 
 nobody. ' ' 
 
 He gathered up the mail from the letter-box and 
 carried it to the show-room. There was a generous 
 pile of correspondence, and the very first letter that 
 came to his hand bore the legend, "The Paris. 
 Cloaks, Suits and Millinery. M. Garfunkel, Prop." 
 Abe mumbled to himself as he tore it open. 
 
 "I bet yer he claims a shortage in delivery, when 
 we ain't even shipped him the goods yet," he said, 
 and commenced to read the letter; "I bet yer he " 
 
 He froze into horrified silence as his protruding 
 
 66
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 eyes took in the import of M. Garfunkel 's note. Then 
 he jumped from his chair and ran into the store, 
 where the new retail customer was primping in front 
 of the mirror. 
 
 ' ' Out, ' ' he yelled, * ' out of my store. ' ' 
 
 She turned from the fascinating picture in the 
 looking-glass to behold the enraged Abe brandishing 
 the letter like a missile, and with one terrified shriek 
 she made for the door and dashed wildly toward the 
 corner. 
 
 Morris was smoking an after-breakfast cigar as 
 he strolled leisurely from the subway, and when he 
 turned into White Street Abe was still standing on 
 the doorstep. 
 
 "What's the matter?" Morris asked. 
 
 "Matter!" Abe cried. "Matter! Nothing's the 
 matter. Everything's fine and dandy. Just look at 
 that letter, Mawruss. That's all." 
 
 Morris took the proffered note and opened it at 
 once. 
 
 "Gents," it read. "Your Mr. Perlmutter sold us 
 them plum-color Empires this morning, and he said 
 they was all the thing on Fifth Avenue. Now, gents, 
 we sell to the First Avenue trade, like what was in 
 your store this afternoon when our Mr. Garfunkel 
 called, and our Mr. Garfunkel seen enough already. 
 Please cancel the order. Your Mr. Perlmutter will 
 understand. Truly yours, The Paris. M. Gar- 
 funkel, Prop." 
 
 M. Garfunkel lived in a stylish apartment on One 
 
 67
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 Hundred and Eighteenth Street. His family con- 
 sisted of himself, Mrs. Garfunkel, three children and 
 a Lithuanian maid named Anna, and it was a source 
 of wonder to the neighbors that a girl so slight in 
 frame could perform the menial duties of so large a 
 household. She cooked, washed and sewed for the 
 entire family with such cheerfulness and application 
 that Mrs. Garfunkel deemed her a treasure and 
 left to her discretion almost every domestic detail. 
 Thus Anna always rose at six and immediately 
 awakened Mr. Garfunkel, for M. Garfunkel 's break- 
 fast was an immovable feast, scheduled for half- 
 past six. 
 
 But on the morning after he had purchased the 
 plum-color gowns from Potash & Perlmutter it was 
 nearly eight before he awoke, and when he entered 
 the dining-room, instead of the two fried eggs, the 
 sausage and the coffee which usually greeted him, 
 there were spread on the table only the evening 
 papers, a brimming ash-tray and a torn envelope 
 bearing the score of last night's pinochle game. 
 
 He was about to return to the bedroom and report 
 Anna's disappearance when a key rattled in the hall 
 door and Anna herself entered. Her cheeks were 
 flushed and her hair was blown about her face in un- 
 becoming disorder. Nevertheless, she smiled the 
 triumphant smile of the well-dressed. 
 
 ''Me late," she said, but Garfunkel forgot all about 
 his lost breakfast hour when he beheld the plum-color 
 Empire. 
 
 M
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Why," he gasped, "that's one of them forty- 
 twenty-two 's I ordered yesterday." 
 
 Anna lifted both her arms the better to display the 
 gown's perfection, and Garfunkel examined it with 
 the eye of an expert. 
 
 "Let's see the back," he said. "That looks great 
 on you, Anna." 
 
 He spun her round and round in his anxiety to 
 view the gown from all angles. 
 
 "I must have been crazy to cancel that order," he 
 went on. "Where did you get it, Anna?" 
 
 "Me buy from Potash & Perlmutter," she said. 
 "My coosin Lina works by Mr. Perlmutter. She 
 gets one yesterday for two dollar. Me see it last 
 night and like it. So me get up five o 'clock this morn- 
 ing and go downtown and buy one for two dollar, 
 too." 
 
 M. Garfunkel made a rapid mental calculation, 
 while Anna left to prepare the belated breakfast. 
 
 He estimated that Anna had paid a little less for 
 her retail purchase than the price Potash & Perlmut- 
 ter had quoted to him for hundred lots. 
 
 "They're worth it, too," he said to himself. 
 "Potash & Perlmutter is a couple of pretty soft suck- 
 ers to be selling goods below cost to servant-girls. I 
 always thought Abe Potash was a pretty hard nut, but 
 I guess I'll be able to do business with 'em, after 
 all." 
 
 At half -past ten M. Garfunkel entered the store of 
 Potash & Perlmutter and greeted Abe with a smile 
 
 I Potash & Perlmutter. 69
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 that blended apology, friendliness and ingratiation 
 in what M. Garf unkel deemed to be just the right pro- 
 portions. Abe glared in response. 
 
 "Well, Abe," M. Garf unkel cried, "ain't it a fine 
 weather ? ' ' 
 
 "Is it!" Abe replied. "I don't worry about the 
 kind of weather it is when I gets cancelations, Mr. 
 Garf unkel. What for you cancel that order, Mr. 
 Garf unkel?" 
 
 M. Garfunkel raised a protesting palm. 
 
 "Now, Abe,'" he said, "if you was to go into a 
 house what you bought goods off of and seen a gar- 
 ment you just hear is all the rage on Fifth Avenue 
 being tried on by a cow " 
 
 "A cow!" Abe said. "I want to tell you some- 
 thing, Mr. Garfunkel. That lady what you see try- 
 ing on them Empires was Mawruss ' girl what works 
 by his wife, and while she ain't no Lillian Russell nor 
 nothing like that, y 'understand, if you think you 
 should get out of taking them goods by calling her a 
 cow you are mistaken." 
 
 The qualities of ingratiation and friendliness de- 
 parted from M. Garf unkel 's smile, leaving it wholly 
 apologetic. 
 
 "Well, Abe, as a matter of fact," he said, "I ain't 
 canceled that order altogether absolutely, y 'under- 
 stand. Maybe if you make inducements I might re- 
 consider it." 
 
 "Inducements!" Abe cried. "Inducements is 
 nix. Them gowns costs us three dollars apiece, and 
 
 70
 
 POTASH & PEKLMUTTER 
 
 we give 'em to you for three-ten. If we make any in- 
 ducements we land in the poorhouse. Ain't it?" 
 
 "Oh, the price is all right," M. Garfunkel pro- 
 tested, "but the terms is too strict. I can't buy all 
 my goods at ten days. Sammet Brothers gives me a 
 line at sixty and ninety days, and so I do most of my 
 business with them. Now if I could get the same 
 terms by you, Abe, I should consider your line ahead 
 of Sammet Brothers'." 
 
 "Excuse me," Abe interrupted. "I think I hear 
 the telephone ringing. ' ' 
 
 He walked to the rear of the store, where the tele- 
 phone bell was jingling. 
 
 "Miss Cohen," he said to the bookkeeper as he 
 passed the office, "answer the 'phone. I'm going 
 upstairs to speak to Mr. Perlmutter." 
 
 He proceeded to the cutting-room, where Morris 
 was superintending the unpacking of piece-goods. 
 
 "Mawruss," he said, "M. Garfunkel is down- 
 stairs, and he says he will reconsider the cancelation 
 and give it us a big order if we let him have better 
 terms. What d'ye say, Mawruss!" 
 
 Morris remained silent for a minute. 
 
 "Take a chance, Abe," he said at length. "He 
 can't bust up on us by the first bill. Can he?" 
 
 "No," Abe agreed hesitatingly, "but he might, 
 Mawruss?" 
 
 "Sure he might," said Morris, "but if we don't 
 take no chances, Abe, we might as well go out of the 
 cloak and suit business. Sell him all he wants, Abe." 
 
 71
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 "I'll sell him all he can pay for, Mawruss," said 
 Abe, "and I guess that ain't over a thousand dol- 
 lars." 
 
 He returned to the first floor, where M. Garfunkel 
 eagerly awaited him, and produced a box of the firm 's 
 K. to M. first and second credit customers' cigars. 
 
 "Have a smoke, Mr. Garfunkel," he said. 
 
 M. Garfunkel selected a cigar with care and sat 
 down. 
 
 "Well, Abe," he said, "that was a long talk you 
 had over the telephone." 
 
 "Sure it was," Abe replied. "The cashier of the 
 Kosciusko Bank on Grand Street rang me up. He 
 discounts some of our accounts what we sell 
 responsible people, and he asks me that in future 
 I get regular statements from all my customers 
 those that I want to discount their accounts in 
 particular. ' ' 
 
 M. Garfunkel nodded slowly. 
 
 "Statements you shall have it, Abe," he said, 
 "but I may as well tell you that it's foolish to dis- 
 count bills what you sell me. I sometimes discount 
 them myself. I'll send you a statement, anyhow. 
 Now let's look at your line, Abe. I wasted enough 
 time already." 
 
 For the next hour M. Garfunkel pawed over Potash 
 & Perlmutter's stock, and when he finally took leave 
 of Abe he had negotiated an order of a thousand dol- 
 lars ; terms, sixty days net. 
 
 The statement of M. Garfunkel 's financial condi 
 
 72
 
 tion, which arrived the following day, more than sat- 
 isfied Morris Perlmutter and, had it not been quite so 
 glowing in character, it might even have satisfied Abe 
 Potash. 
 
 "I don't know, Mawruss," he said; "some things 
 looks too good to be true, Mawruss, and I guess this 
 is one of them/' 
 
 "Always you must worry, Abe," Morris rejoined. 
 "If Vanderbilt and Astor was partners together in 
 the cloak and suit business, and you sold 'em a cou- 
 ple of hundred dollars' goods, Abe, you'd worry 
 yourself sick till you got a check. I bet yer Gar- 
 funkel discounts his bill already." 
 
 Morris ' prophecy proved to be true, for at the end 
 of four weeks M. Garfunkel called at Potash & Perl- 
 mutter's store and paid his sixty-day account with 
 the usual discount of ten per cent. Moreover, he gave 
 them another order for two thousand dollars' worth 
 of goods at the same terms. 
 
 In this instance, however, full fifty-nine days 
 elapsed without word from M. Garfunkel, and on the 
 morning of the sixtieth day Abe entered the store 
 bearing every appearance of anxiety. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris cried, "what's the matter 
 now? You look like you was worried." 
 
 "I bet yer I'm worried, Mawruss," Abe replied. 
 
 "Well, what's the use of worrying!" he rejoined. 
 "M. Garfunkel 's account ain't due till to-day." 
 
 "Always M. Garfunkel!" Abe cried. "M. Gar- 
 funkel don't worry me much, Mawruss. I'd like to 
 
 73
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEK 
 
 see a check from Mm, too, Mawruss, but I ain't wast- 
 ing no time on him. My Eosie is sick. ' ' 
 
 ' ' Sick ! ' ' Morris exclaimed. ' ' That 's too bad, Abe. 
 "What seems to be the trouble?" 
 
 ' ' She got the rheumatism in her shoulder, ' ' Abe re- 
 plied, ' ' and she tries to get a girl by intelligent offices 
 to help her out, but it ain't no use. It breaks her all 
 up to get a girl, Mawruss. Fifteen years already she 
 cooks herself and washes herself, and now she 's got to 
 get a girl, Mawruss, but" she can't get one." 
 
 Morris clucked sympathetically. 
 
 "Maybe that girl of yours, Mawruss," Abe went 
 on as though making an innocent suggestion, "what 
 we sell the forty-twenty-two to, maybe she got a sis- 
 ter or a cousin maybe, what wants a job, Mawruss." 
 
 "I'll telephone my Minnie right away," Morris 
 said, and as he turned to do so M. Garfunkel entered. 
 Abe and Morris rushed forward to greet him. Each 
 seized a hand and, patting him on the back, escorted 
 him to the show-room. 
 
 "First thing" M. Garfunkel said, "here is a check 
 for the current bill." 
 
 "No hurry," Abe and Morris exclaimed, with what 
 the musical critics call splendid attack. 
 
 "Now that that's out of the way," M. Garfunkel 
 went on, "I want to give you another order. Only 
 thing is, Mawruss, you know as well as I do that in 
 the installment cloak and suit business a feller needs 
 a lot of capital. Ain 't it ? " 
 
 Morris nodded. 
 
 74
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 "And if lie buys goods only for cash or thirty or 
 sixty days, Abe," M. Garfunkel continued, "he some- 
 times gets pretty cramped for money, because his 
 own customers takes a long time to pay up. Ain't 
 it!" 
 
 Abe nodded, too. 
 
 "Well, then," M. Garfunkel concluded, "I'll give 
 you boys a fine order, but this time it's got to be ninety 
 days." 
 
 Abe puffed hard on his cigar, and Morris loosened 
 his collar, which had become suddenly tight. 
 
 "I always paid prompt my bills. Ain't it?" M. 
 Garfunkel asked. 
 
 "Sure, Mr. Garfunkel," Abe replied. "That you 
 did do it. But ninety days is three months, and our- 
 selves we got to pay our bills in thirty days." 
 
 * ' However, ' ' Morris broke in, ' ' that is neither there 
 nor here. A good customer is a good customer, Abe, 
 and so I'm agreeable." 
 
 This put the proposition squarely up to Abe, and 
 he found it a difficult matter to refuse credit to a cus- 
 tomer whose check for two thousand dollars was even 
 then reposing in Abe's waistcoat pocket. 
 
 "All right," Abe said. "Go ahead and pick out 
 your goods." 
 
 For two solid hours M. Garfunkel went over 
 Potash & Perlmutter's line and, selecting hundred 
 lots of their choicest styles, bought a three-thousand- 
 dollar order. 
 
 "We ain't got but half of them styles in stock," 
 
 75
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 said Morris, "but we can make 'em up right 
 away. ' ' 
 
 "Then, them goods what you got in stock, Maw- 
 russ," said Garfunkel, "I must have prompt by to- 
 morrow, and the others in ten days." 
 
 "That's all right," Morris replied, and when M. 
 Garfunkel left the store Abe and Morris immediately 
 set about the assorting of the ordered stock. 
 
 "Look a-here, Mawruss," Abe said, "I thought 
 you was going to see about that girl for my Eosie. ' ' 
 
 "Why, so I was, Abe," Morris replied; "I'll at- 
 tend to it right away." 
 
 He went to the telephone and rang up his wife, and 
 five minutes later returned to the front of the store. 
 
 "Ain't that the funniest thing, Abe," he said. 
 "My Minnie speaks to the girl, and the girl says she 
 got a cousin what's just going to quit her job, Abe. 
 She '11 be the very girl for your Eosie. ' ' 
 
 "I don't know, Mawruss," Abe replied. "My 
 Eosie is a particular woman. She don't want no girl 
 what's got fired for being dirty or something like 
 that, Mawruss. We first want to get a report on her 
 and find out what she gets fired for. ' ' 
 
 "You're right, Abe," Morris said. "I'll find out 
 from Lina to-night. ' ' 
 
 Once more they fell to their task of assorting and 
 packing the major part of Garfunkel 's order, and 
 by six o 'clock over fifteen hundred dollars ' worth of 
 goods was ready for delivery. 
 
 "We'll ship them to-morrow," Abe said, as they 
 
 76
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 commenced to lock up for the night, "and don't for- 
 get about that girl, Mawruss." 
 
 On his way downtown the next morning Abe met 
 Leon Sammet, senior member of the firm of Sammet 
 Brothers. Between Abe and Leon existed the nomi- 
 nal truce of competition, which in the cloak and suit 
 trade implies that while they cheerfully exchanged 
 credit information from their office files they main- 
 tained a constant guerilla warfare for the capture of 
 each other's customers. 
 
 Now, M. Garfunkel had been a particularly strong 
 customer of Sammet Brothers, and since Abe as- 
 sumed that M. Garfunkel had dropped Sammet 
 Brothers in favor of Potash & Perlmutter his man- 
 ner toward Leon was bland and apologetic. 
 
 "Well, Leon," he said, "how's business?" 
 
 Leon's face wrinkled into a smile. 
 
 "It could be better, of course, Abe," he said, "but 
 we done a tremendous spring trade, anyhow, even 
 though we ain't got no more that sucker Louis Gross- 
 man working for us. We shipped a couple of 
 three-thousand-dollar orders last week. One of 'em 
 to Strauss, Kami & Baum, of Fresno." 
 
 These were old customers of Potash & Perlmutter, 
 and Abe winced. 
 
 "They was old customers of ours, Leon," he said, 
 "but they done such a cheap class of trade we 
 couldn't cut our line enough to please 'em." 
 
 "Is that so?" Leon rejoined. "Maybe M. Gar- 
 funkel was an old customer of yours, too, Abe." 
 
 77
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 * ' M. Garf unkel ? ' ' Abe cried. 1 1 Was M. Garf unkel 
 the other?" 
 
 "He certainly was," Leon boasted. "We shipped 
 him three thousand dollars. One of our best cus- 
 tomers, Abe. Always pays to the day." 
 
 For the remainder of the subway journey Abe was 
 quite unresponsive to Leon's jibes, a condition which 
 Leon attributed to chagrin, and as they parted at 
 Canal Street Leon could not forbear a final gloat. 
 
 "I suppose, Abe, M. Garf unkel does too cheap a 
 class of trade to suit you, also. Ain't it?" he said. 
 
 Abe made no reply, and as he walked south toward 
 White Street Max Lapidus, of Lapidus & Elenbogen, 
 another and a smaller competitor, bumped into him. 
 
 "Hallo, Abe," Max said. "What's that Leon 
 Sammet was saying just now about M. Garf unkel?" 
 
 ' * Oh, M. Garf unkel is a good customer of his, ' ' Abe 
 replied cautiously; "so he claims." 
 
 "Don't you believe it," said Max. "M. Gar- 
 funkel told me himself he used to do some business 
 with Sammet Brothers, but he don't do it no more. 
 We done a big business with M. Garfunkel our- 
 selves. ' ' 
 
 "So?" Abe commented. 
 
 "We sold him a couple of thousand dollars at 
 ninety days last week," Lapidus went on. "He's 
 elegant pay, Abe. We sold him a good-size order 
 every couple of months this season, and he pays 
 prompt to the day. Once he discounted his bill." 
 
 "Is that so?" Abe said, as they reached the front 
 
 78
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 of Potash & Perlmutter's store. "Glad to hear M. 
 Garfunkel is so busy. Good-morning, Max." 
 
 Morris Perlmutter met him at the door. 
 
 "Hallo, Abe," he cried. "What's the matter? 
 You look pale. Is Eosie worse?" 
 
 Abe shook his head. 
 
 ' ' Mawruss, ' ' he said, * * did you ship them goods to 
 M. Garfunkel yet?" 
 
 4 * They '11 be out in ten minutes, ' ' Morris replied. 
 
 "Hold 'em for a while till I telephone over to 
 Klinger & Klein, ' ' Abe said. 
 
 "What you looking for, Abe?" Morris asked. 
 "More information? You know as well as I do, Abe, 
 that Klinger & Klein is so conservative they wouldn 't 
 sell Andrew Carnegie unless they got a certified check 
 in advance." 
 
 "That's all right, Mawruss," Abe rejoined. 
 "Maybe they wouldn't sell Andrew Carnegie, but if 
 I ain't mistaken they did sell M. Garfunkel. Every- 
 body sold him, even Lapidus & Elenbogen. So I 
 guess I'll telephone 'em." 
 
 "Well, wait a bit, Abe," Morris cried. "My Min- 
 nie 's girl Lina is here with her cousin. I brought 'em 
 down this morning so you could talk to her yourself. ' ' 
 
 "All right," Abe replied. "Tell 'em to come into 
 the show-room." 
 
 A moment later Lina and her cousin Anna entered 
 the show-room. Both were arrayed in Potash & 
 Perlmutter's style forty-twenty-two, but while Lina 
 wore a green hat approximating the hue of early 
 
 79
 
 spring foliage, Anna's head-covering was yellow 
 with just a few crimson-lake roses about eight large 
 ones on the side. 
 
 1 ' Close the window, Mawruss, ' ' said Abe. ' ' There 's 
 so much noise coming from outside I can't hear my- 
 self think." 
 
 "The window is closed, Abe," Morris replied. 
 ' l It 's your imagination. ' ' 
 
 "Well, then, which one is which, Mawruss?" Abe 
 asked. 
 
 "The roses is Anna," Morris said. "Anna, you 
 want to work by Mr. Potash's lady!" 
 
 "Sure she does," Abe broke in. "Only I want to 
 ask you a few questions before I hire you. Who did 
 you work by before, Anna?" 
 
 Anna hung her head and simpered. 
 
 "Mister M. Garfunkel," she murmured. 
 
 "Is that so?" Morris exclaimed. "Why, he's a 
 good customer of ours." 
 
 "Don't butt in, Mawruss," Abe said. "And what 
 did you leave him for, Anna?" 
 
 "Me don't leave them," Anna replied. "Mrs. 
 Garfunkel is fine lady. Mister Garfunkel, too. 
 They leave me. They goin' away next month, out to 
 the country." 
 
 "Moving out to the country, hey?" said Abe. He 
 was outwardly calm, but his eyes glittered. "What 
 country ? ' ' 
 
 Anna turned to her cousin Lina and spoke a few 
 words of Lithuanian. 
 
 80
 
 "She say she don't remember," Lina explained, 
 "but she say is something sounds like 'canned 
 goods '. ' ' 
 
 ' ' Canned goods ? ' ' Morris murmured. 
 
 Abe bit the ends of his mustache for a moment, and 
 then he leaped to his feet. 
 
 "Canada!" he yelled, and Lina nodded vigorously. 
 
 He darted out of the show-roorn and ran to the tele- 
 phone. In ten minutes he returned, his face bathed 
 in perspiration. 
 
 "Anna," he croaked, "you come to work by me. 
 Yes? How much you get by that that M. Gar- 
 funkel?" 
 
 "Twenty dollars a month," Anna replied. 
 
 "All right, we'll pay you twenty-two," he said. 
 "You're cheap at the price. So I expect you this 
 evening." 
 
 He turned to his partner after the girls had gone. 
 
 "Mawruss," he said, "put them goods for M. Gar- 
 funkel back in stock. I rung up Klinger & Klein and 
 they sold him four thousand. I also rung up the Per- 
 fection Cloak and Suit Company also four thou- 
 sand ; Margolius & Fried two thousand ; Levy, Mar- 
 tin & Co. three thousand, and so on. The way I 
 figure it, he must of bought a hundred thousand dol- 
 lars ' worth of goods, all in the last few days, and all 
 at ninety days net. He couldn't get a quarter of the 
 goods in that First Avenue building of his, Mawruss, 
 so where is the rest ! Auction houses, Mawruss, north, 
 south, east and west, and I bet yer he got the advance 
 
 81
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 checks for each consignment deposited in Montreal 
 right now. I bet yer he didn't even unpack the cases 
 before he reshipped. Tell Miss Cohen to come in and 
 bring her book." 
 
 When Miss Cohen took her seat Abe rose and 
 cleared his throat for an epistle worthy of the occa- 
 sion. 
 
 "The Paris. M. Garfunkel, Proprietor," he said. 
 
 1 ' Gents : Owing to circumstances which has arose 
 
 No. Wait a bit." 
 
 He cleared his throat more vigorously. 
 
 "The Paris. M. Garfunkel, Proprietor," he said. 
 "Gents: Owing to the fact that the 7-nited States 
 bankruptcy laws don't go nowheres except in the 
 Z7-nited States, we are obliged to cancel the order 
 what you give us. Thanking you for past favors and 
 hoping to do a strictly-cash business with you in the 
 future, we are truly yours, Potash & Perlmutter." 
 
 Miss Cohen shut her book and arose. 
 
 "Wait a bit, Miss Cohen. I ain't through yet," 
 Abe said. He tilted backward and forward on his 
 toes for a moment. 
 
 "P. S.," he concluded. "We hope you'll like it in 
 Canada."
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 CHAPTER V 
 
 "^ | ^HINGS goes pretty smooth for us lately, 
 Mawruss," Abe Potash remarked, shortly 
 after M. Garfunkel's failure. "I guess we 
 are due for a schlag somewheres, ain't it?" 
 
 "Always you got to kick," Morris cried. "If you 
 would only listen to what I got to say oncet in a while, 
 Abe, things would always go smooth." 
 
 Abe emitted a raucous laugh. 
 
 "Sure, I know," he said, "like this here tenement 
 house proposition you was talking to me about, Maw- 
 russ. You ain't content we should have our troubles 
 in the cloak and suit business, Mawruss, you got to 
 go outside yet and find 'em. You got to go into the 
 real estate business too." 
 
 " Real-estaters ain't got no such trouble like we 
 got it, Abe," Morris retorted. "There ain't no sea- 
 sons in real estate, Abe. A tenement house this year 
 is like a tenement house last year, Abe, also the year 
 before. They ain't wearing stripes in tenement 
 houses one year, Abe, and solid colors the next. All 
 you do when you got a tenement house, Abe, is to go 
 round and collect the rents, and when you got a cus- 
 tomer for it you don't have to draw no report on him. 
 Spot cash, he pays it, Abe, or else you get a mortgage 
 as security." 
 
 "You talk like Scheuer Blumenkrohn, Mawruss, 
 
 83
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 when he comes round here last year and wants to 
 swap it two lots in Ozone Grove, Long Island, for a 
 couple of hundred misses' reefers," Abe replied, 
 "When I speculate, Mawruss, I take a hand at auc- 
 tion pinochle. ' ' 
 
 "This ain't no speculation, Abe," said Morris. 
 "This is an investment. I seen the house, Abe, six 
 stories and basement stores, and you couldn't get an- 
 other tenant into it with a shoehorn. It brings in a 
 fine income, Abe." 
 
 "Well, if that's the case, Mawruss," Abe rejoined, 
 "why does Harris Rabin want to sell it! Houses 
 ain't like cloaks and suits, Mawruss, you admit it 
 yourself. We sell goods because we don't get no in- 
 come by keepin' 'em. If we have our store full with 
 cloaks, Mawruss, and they brought in a good income 
 while they was in here, Mawruss, I wouldn't want to 
 sell 'em, Mawruss; I'd want to keep 'em." 
 
 "Sure," Morris replied. "But if the income was 
 only four hundred and fifty dollars a month, and next 
 month you got a daughter what was getting married 
 to Alec Goldwasser, drummer for Klinger & Klein, 
 and you got to give Alec a couple of thousand dollars 
 with her, but you don 't have no ready cash, then, Abe; 
 you'd sell them cloaks, and so that's why Harris 
 Rabin wants to sell the house." 
 
 "I want to tell you something, Mawruss," Abe re- 
 plied. "Harris Rabin could sell a phonograft to a 
 deef-and-dummy. He could sell moving pictures to 
 a home for the blind, Mawruss. He could also sell 
 
 84
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 anything he wanted to anybody, Mawruss, for you 
 know as well as I do, Mawruss, Harris Eabin is a 
 first-class, A-number-one salesman. And so, if he 
 wants to sell his house so cheap there's lots of real- 
 estaters what know a bargain in houses when they 
 see it. "We don't, Mawruss. We ain't real- 
 estaters. "We're in the cloak and suit business, 
 and why should Harris Rabin be looking for us to 
 buy his house?" 
 
 "He ain't looking for us, Abe," Morris went on. 
 "That's just the point. I was by Harris Rabin's 
 house last night, and I seen no less than three real- 
 estaters there. They all want that house, Abe, and 
 if they want it, why shouldn't we? Ike Magnus 
 makes Harris an offer of forty-eight thousand five 
 hundred while I was sitting there already, but Harris 
 wants forty-nine for it. I bet yer, Abe, we could get 
 it for forty-eight seven-fifty three thousand cash 
 above the mortgages." 
 
 ' ' I suppose, Mawruss, you got three thousand lying 
 loose around your pants' pocket. What?" 
 
 "Three thousand to a firm like us is nothing, Abe. 
 I bet yer I could go in and see Feder of the Kosciusko 
 Bank and get it for the asking. We ain't so poor, 
 Abe, but what we can buy a bargain when we see it." 
 
 Abe shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss, if I got to hear about Harris 
 Rabin's house for the rest of my life, all right. I'm 
 agreeable, Mawruss; only, don't ask me to go to no 
 lawyers' offices nor nothing, Mawruss. There's 
 
 9~Pot*sh & Perlmutter. 85
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 enough to do in the store, Mawruss, without both of 
 us loafing around lawyers ' offices. ' ' 
 
 A more grudging acquiescence than this would 
 have satisfied Morris, and, without pausing for a 
 cigar, he put on his hat and made straight for Harris 
 Rabin's place of business. The Equinox Clothing 
 Company of which Harris Rabin was president, 
 board of directors and sole stockholder, occupied the 
 third loft of a building on Walker Street. There was 
 no elevator, and as Morris walked upstairs he en- 
 countered Ike Magnus at the first landing. 
 
 "Hallo, Mawruss!" Ike cried. "Are you buying 
 clothing now? I thought you was in the cloak and 
 suit business.'* 
 
 "Whatever business I'm in, Ike," Morris replied, 
 "I'm in my own business, Ike; and what is somebody 
 else's business ain't my business, Ike. That's the 
 way I feel about it. ' ' 
 
 He plodded slowly up the next flight, and there 
 stood Samuel Michaelson, another real-estate opera- 
 tor. 
 
 "Ah, Mr. Perlmutter!" Samuel exclaimed. "You 
 get around to see the clothing trade once in a while, 
 too. Ain't it?" 
 
 "I get around to see all sorts of trade, Mr. Michael- 
 son," Morris rejoined. "I got to get around and 
 hustle to make a living, Mr. Michaelson, because, Mr. 
 Michaelson, I can't make no living by loafing around 
 street corners and buildings, Mr. Michaelson." 
 
 "Don't mention it," said Mr. Michaelson as Mor- 
 se
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 ris started up the last flight. When he entered the 
 Equinox Clothing Company's office the clang of the 
 bell drowned ouf the last words of Marks Henoch- 
 stein's sentence. Mr. Henochstein, another member 
 of the real-estate fraternity, was in intimate confer- 
 ence with Harris Eabin. 
 
 "I think we got him going," he was saying. "My 
 wife seen Mrs. Perlmutter at a Kaffeeklatsch yester- 
 day, and she told her I made you an offer of forty- 
 eight four-fifty for the house. Last night when he 
 came around to your place I told him the house ain't 
 no bargain for any one what ain't a real-estater, y 'un- 
 derstand, and he gets quite mad about it. Also, I 
 watched him when Ike Magnus tells you he would give 
 forty-eight five for it, and he turned pale. If he " 
 
 At this juncture the doorbell rang and Morris en- 
 tered. 
 
 "No, siree, sir," Harris Eabin bawled. "Forty- 
 nine thousand is my figure, and that ain't forty-eight 
 nine ninety-nine neither." 
 
 Here he recognized Morris Perlmutter with an 
 elaborate start and extended his hand in greeting. 
 
 "Hallo, Mawruss," he said. "Them real-estaters 
 pester the life out of a feller. 'Tain't no use your 
 hanging around here, Henochstein," he called in 
 sterner tones. ' ' When I make up my mind I make up 
 my mind, and that's all there is to it." 
 
 Henochstein turned in crestfallen silence and 
 passed slowly out of the room. 
 
 "Them sharks ain't satisfied that you're giving 
 
 87
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 away a house, Mawruss," Harris went on. "They 
 want it yon should let 'em have coupons and trading 
 stamps with it." 
 
 "How much did he offer you?" Morris asked. 
 
 "Forty-eight five-fifty," Harris Rabin replied. 
 "That feller's got a nerve like a horse." 
 
 ' ' Oh, I don 't know, ' ' Morris murmured. ' ' Forty- 
 eight five-fifty is a good price for the house, Harris." 
 
 "Is it!" Harris cried. "Well, maybe you think 
 so, but you ain't such a Criterion." 
 
 Morris was visibly offended at so harsh a rejoinder. 
 
 "I know I ain't, Harris," he said. "If I was I 
 wouldn 't be here, Harris. I come here like a friend, 
 not like one of them them fellers what you talk 
 about. If it wasn't that my Minnie is such a friend 
 to your daughter Miriam I shouldn't bother myself; 
 but, knowing Alec Goldwasser as I do, and being a 
 friend of yours always up to now, Harris, I come to 
 you and say I will give you forty-eight six hundred 
 for the house, and that is my last word." 
 
 Harris Rabin laughed aloud. 
 
 1 i Jokes you are making it, Mawruss, ' ' he said. ' ' A 
 joke is a joke, but when a feller got all the trouble 
 what I got it, as you know, Mawruss, he got a hard 
 time seeing a joke, Mawruss. ' ' 
 
 "That ain't no joke, Harris," Morris replied. 
 "That's an offer, and I can sit right down now and 
 make a memorandum if you want it, and pay you 
 fifty dollars as a binder." 
 
 "I'll tell you what I'll do, Mawruss," Harris said. 
 
 m
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "You raised Henochstein fifty dollars, so I'll come 
 down fifty dollars, and that'll be forty-eight thousand 
 nine hundred and fifty. ' ' 
 
 He grew suddenly excited and grabbed Morris by 
 the arm. 
 
 "Don't let's waste no time about it," he cried. 
 "What's the use of memorandums? We go right 
 away by Henry D. Feldman and fix up the contract. ' ' 
 
 "Hold on." Morris said with a stare that blended 
 frigidity and surprise in just the right proportions. 
 "I ain't said nothing about forty-eight nine-fifty. 
 What I said was forty-eight six." 
 
 "You don't mean that, Mawruss," Harris replied. 
 "You mean forty-eight nine." 
 
 Morris saw that the psychological moment had ar- 
 rived. 
 
 "Look-y here, now, Harris," he said. "Forty- 
 eight six from forty-eight nine is three hundred. 
 Ain't it?" 
 
 Harris nodded. 
 
 "Then," Morris announced, "we'll split the dif- 
 ference and make it forty-eight seven-fifty." 
 
 For one thoughtful moment Harris remained silent, 
 and then he clapped his hand into that of Morris. 
 
 "Done! "he cried. 
 
 Twenty days elapsed, during which Potash & Perl- 
 mutter took title to Harris Rabin's house and paid 
 the balance of the purchase price, moieties of which 
 found their way into the pockets of Magnus, Michael- 
 son and Henochstein. At length, the first of the 
 
 89
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 month arrived and Abe and Morris left txie store early 
 so that they might collect the rents of their real prop- 
 erty. 
 
 "7 seen the house, Abe, and you seen the house," 
 Morris said as they turned the corner of the crowded 
 East Side street on which their property fronted, 
 "but you can't tell nothing from looking at a 
 property, Abe. When you get the rents, Abe, 
 that's when you find it out that you got a fine prop- 
 erty, Abe." 
 
 He led the way up the front stoop of the tenement 
 and knocked at the first door on the left-hand side. 
 There was no response. 
 
 "They must be out Ain't it?" Abe suggested. 
 
 Morris faced about and knocked on the opposite 
 door, with a similar lack of response. 
 
 "I guess they go out to work and lock up their 
 rooms," Morris explained. "We should have came 
 here after seven o 'clock. ' ' 
 
 They walked to the end of the hall and knocked on 
 the door of one of the two rear apartments. 
 
 "Come!" said a female voice. 
 
 Morris opened the door and they entered. 
 
 "We've come for the rent," he said. "Him and 
 me is the new landlords." 
 
 The tenant excused herself while she retired to one 
 of the inner rooms and explored her person for the 
 money. Then she handed Morris ten greasy one- 
 dollar bills. 
 
 * * What 's this T ' ' Morris cried. * ' I thought the rear 
 
 90
 
 POTASH & PEKLMUTTER 
 
 rooms were fourteen dollars a month. I saw the 
 receipts made out last month." 
 
 The tenant grinned fiendishly. 
 
 "Sure you did," she replied. " We've been get- 
 ting all kinds of receipts. Oncet we got a receipt 
 for eighteen dollars, when dere was some vacancies in 
 de house, but one of de syndicate says he'd get some 
 more of dem 'professional' tenants, because it didn't 
 look so good to a feller what comes snooping around 
 for to buy the house, to see such high rents." 
 
 " Syndicate ?" Abe murmured. "Professional 
 tenants?" 
 
 "Sure," the tenant replied. "Dere was four to 
 de syndicate. Magnus was one. Sumpin about a 
 hen was de other, and den dere was dis here Eabin 
 and a guy called Michaelson." 
 
 "And what is this about professional tenants?" 
 Morris croaked. 
 
 "Oh, dere was twenty-four families in de house, 
 includin' de housekeeper," the tenant replied. 
 "Eighteen of 'em was professionals, and when de 
 syndicate sold youse de house de professionals moved 
 up to a house on Fourt' Street what de syndicate 
 owns." 
 
 Abe pulled his hat over his eyes and thrust his 
 hands into his trousers' pockets. 
 
 "S 'enough, lady," he said; "I heard enough al- 
 ready. ' ' 
 
 He turned to Morris. 
 
 ' ' Yes, Mawruss, ' ' he said bitterly. ' ' You 're right. 
 
 91
 
 POTASH & PEKLMUTTEE 
 
 There ain't no seasons in real estate nor in suckers 
 neither, Mawruss. You can catch 'em every day in 
 the year, Mawruss. I'm going home, but if you need 
 an express wagon to carry away them rents, Maw- 
 russ, there's a livery stable around the corner." 
 
 It was at least a week before Abe could bring him- 
 self to address his partner, save in the gruffest 
 monosyllables; but an unusual rush of spring cus- 
 tomers brought about a reconciliation, and Abe and 
 Morris forgot their real-estate venture in the recep- 
 tion of out-of-town trade. In the conduct of their 
 business Morris devoted himself to manufacturing 
 and shipping the goods, while Abe attended to the 
 selling end. Twice a year Abe made a long trip to 
 the West or South, with shorter trips down East be- 
 tween times, and he never tired of reminding his 
 partner how overworked he, Abe, was. 
 
 "I got my hands full, Mawruss," he said, after he 
 had greeted half a dozen Western customers ; ' * I got 
 enough to do here, Mawruss, without running around 
 the country. We ought to do what other houses 
 does, Mawruss. We ought to get a good salesman. 
 We got three thousand dollars to throw away on real 
 estate, Mawruss; why don't we make an investment 
 like Sammet Brothers made it? Why don't we in- 
 vest in a cracker jack, A-number-one salesman?" 
 
 "I ain't stopping you, Abe," Morris replied. 
 "Why don't we? Klinger & Klein has a good boy, 
 Alec Goldwasser. He done a big trade for 'em, Abe, 
 and they don't pay him much, neither." 
 
 92
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Alec Goldwasser!" Abe cried. ''I'm surprised 
 to hear you, Mawruss, you should talk that way. We 
 paid Alec Goldwasser enough already, Mawruss. We 
 paid him that two thousand dollars what he got with 
 Miriam Rabin." 
 
 Morris looked guilty. 
 
 ' ' Ain 't I told you yet, Abe t " he said. ' * I thought 
 I told you." 
 
 "You ain't told me nothing," said Abe. 
 
 "Why, Alec Goldwasser and Miriam Rabin ain't 
 engaged no longer. The way my Minnie tells me, 
 Rabin says he don't want his daughter should marry 
 a man without a business of his own, so the match is 
 off." 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," Abe commented, "you can't 
 make me feel bad by telling me that. But anyhow, I 
 don't see no medals on Alec Goldwasser as a sales- 
 man, neither. He ain't such a salesman what we 
 want it, Mawruss." 
 
 "All right," Morris replied. "It's you what goes 
 on the road, not me, and you meet all the drummers. 
 Suggest somebody yourself." 
 
 Abe pondered for a moment. 
 
 "There's Louis Mintz," he said finally. "He 
 works by Sammet Brothers. He's a high-priced 
 man, Mawruss, but he's worth it." 
 
 "Sure he's worth it," Morris rejoined, "and he 
 knows it, too. I bet yer he's making five thousand 
 a year by Sammet Brothers. ' ' 
 
 "I know it," said Abe, "but his contract expires in 
 
 93
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 a month from now, and it ain't no cinch to work for 
 Sammet Brothers, neither, Mawruss. I bet yer 
 Louis' got throat trouble, talking into a customer 
 them garments what Leon Sammet makes up, and 
 Louis' pretty well liked in the trade, too, Mawruss." 
 
 "Well, why don't you see him, Abe!" 
 
 "I'll tell you the truth, Mawruss," Abe replied. 
 "I did see him. I offered him all what Sammet 
 Brothers gives him, and I told him we make a 
 better line for the price, but it ain't no use. 
 Louis says a salesman's got to work hard any- 
 how, so he may as well work a little harder, and 
 he says, too, it spoils a man's trade when he makes 
 changes. ' ' 
 
 Here a customer entered the store and Abe was 
 busy for more than half an hour. At the end of that 
 time the customer departed and Morris returned to 
 the show-room. 
 
 "Abe," he said, "I got an idea." 
 
 Abe looked up. 
 
 "More real estate?" he asked. 
 
 "Not more real estate, Abe," Morris corrected, 
 "but the same real estate. When we're stuck we're 
 stuck, Abe, ain't it?" 
 
 Abe nodded. 
 
 "So I got an idea," Morris went on, "that we go 
 to Louis and tell him we give him the same money 
 what Sammet Brothers give him, only we give him a 
 bonus. ' ' 
 
 ' * A bonus ! ' ' Abe cried. ' * How much of a bonus ? ' ' 
 
 94
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEPv 
 
 "A big bonus, Abe," Morris replied. "We'll give 
 him the house. ' ' 
 
 Abe remained silent. 
 
 "It'll look big, anyhow," Morris continued. 
 
 "Look big!" Abe exclaimed. "It is big. It's 
 three thousand dollars." 
 
 "Well, you can't reckon stickers by what they 
 cost," Morris explained. "It's what they'll sell 
 for." 
 
 "You're right, Mawruss," Abe commented bit- 
 terly. "And that house wouldn't sell for Con- 
 federate money. I'll see Louis Mintz to-night." 
 
 Abe saw Louis that very evening, and they met by 
 appointment at the store ten days later. In the 
 meantime Louis had inspected the house, and when 
 he entered Potash & Perlmutter's show-room his face 
 wore none too cheerful an expression. 
 
 "Well, Louis," Abe cried, "you come to tell us it's 
 all right. Ain't it?" 
 
 Louis shook his head. 
 
 "Abe," he said, "the old saying is you should 
 never look at a horse's teeth what somebody gives 
 you, but that house is pretty near vacant. ' ' 
 
 "What of it?" Abe asked. "It's a fine house, 
 ain't it?" 
 
 "Sure, it's a fine house," Louis agreed. "But 
 what good is a fine house if you can't rent it? You 
 can't eat it, can you?" 
 
 "No," Morris replied, "but you can sell it." 
 
 "Well," Louis admitted, "selling houses ain't in 
 
 95
 
 my line? Maybe if I knew enough about it I could 
 sell it." 
 
 "But there's real-estaters what knows all about 
 selling a house, ' ' Morris began. 
 
 "You bet there is," Abe interrupted savagely. 
 
 "And you could get a real-estater to sell it for 
 you," Morris concluded with malevolent glance at 
 his partner. 
 
 Louis consulted a list of the tenants which he had 
 made. 
 
 "I'll think it over," he said, "and let you know 
 to-morrow. ' ' 
 
 The next day he greeted Abe and Morris more cor- 
 dially. 
 
 "I thought it over, Abe," he said, "and I guess it'll 
 be all right." 
 
 "Fine!" Abe cried. "Let's go down and see 
 Henry D. Feldman right away." 
 
 Just as a congenital dislocation of the hipbone 
 suggests the name of Doctor Lorenz, so the slightest 
 dislocation of the cloak and suit business immediately 
 calls for Henry D. Feldman. No cloak and suit 
 bankruptcy would be complete without his name as 
 attorney, either for the petitioning creditors or the 
 bankrupt, and no action for breach of contract of em- 
 ployment on the part of a designer or a salesman 
 could successfully go to the jury unless Henry D. 
 Feldman wept crocodile tears over the summing up 
 of the plaintiff's case. 
 
 In the art of drawing agreements relative to the 
 
 96
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 cloak and suit trade in all its phases of buying, sell- 
 ing, employing or renting, he was a virtuoso, and his 
 income was that of six Supreme Court judges rolled 
 into one. For the rest, he was of impressive, clean- 
 shaven appearance, and he was of the opinion that a 
 liberal sprinkling of Latin phrases rendered his con- 
 versation more pleasing to his clients. 
 
 Louis and Abe were ushered into his office only 
 after half an hour's waiting at the end of a line of 
 six clients, and they wasted no time in stating their 
 business. 
 
 1 'Mr. Feldman," Abe murmured, "this is Mr. 
 Louis Mintz what comes to work by us as a sales- 
 man. ' ' 
 
 "Mr. Mintz," Mr. Feldman said, "you are to be 
 congratulated. Potash & Perlmutter have a reputa- 
 tion in the trade nulli secundum, and it is generally 
 admitted that the goods they produce are summa cum 
 laude." 
 
 "We make fall and winter goods, too," Abe ex- 
 plained. "All kinds of garments, Mr. Feldman. I 
 don 't want to give Louis no wrong impression. He 's 
 got to handle lightweights as well as heavyweights, 
 too." 
 
 Mr. Feldman stared blankly at Abe and then con- 
 tinued: "No doubt you have quite settled on the 
 terms. ' ' 
 
 "We've talked it all over," said Louis, "and this 
 is what it is." 
 
 He then specified the salary and commission to be 
 
 97
 
 paid, and engaged Mr. Feldman to draw the deed 
 for the tenement house. 
 
 "And how long is this contract to last?" Feldman 
 asked. 
 
 "For five years,'* Abe replied. 
 
 "Five years nothing," said Louis. "I wouldn't 
 work for no one on a five years ' contract. One year 
 is what I want it." 
 
 "One year!" Abe cried. "Why, Louis, that ain't 
 no way to talk. In one year you 'd just about get well 
 enough acquainted with our trade of course, I'm 
 only talking, y 'understand to cop it out for some 
 other house what would pay you a couple of hundred 
 more. No, Louis, I think it ought to be for five 
 years." 
 
 ' ' Of course, if you think I 'm the kind what takes a 
 job to cop out the firm's trade, Abe," Louis com- 
 menced, "why " 
 
 "I'm only saying for the sake of argument," Abe 
 hastened to explain. "I'll tell you what I'll do, 
 Louis : I '11 make it two years, and at the end of that 
 time if you want to quit you can do it; only, you 
 should agree not to work as salesman for no other 
 house for the space of one year afterward or you can 
 go on working for us for one year afterward. How 's 
 that?" 
 
 "I think that's eminently fair," Mr. Feldman 
 broke in hurriedly. "You can't refuse those terms, 
 Mr. Mintz. Mr. Potash will sign for his partner, I 
 apprehend, and then Mr. Perlmutter will be bound 
 
 98
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 under the principle of qui fecit per dlium fecit per 
 se." 
 
 No one could stand up against such a flood of Latin, 
 and Louis nodded. 
 
 "All right," he said. "Let her go that way." 
 
 Mr. Feldman immediately rang for a stenographer. 
 
 "Come back to-morrow at four o'clock," he said. 
 "I shall send a clerk with the deed to be signed by 
 Mrs. Potash and Mrs. Perlmutter to-night." 
 
 The next afternoon, at half an hour after the ap- 
 pointed time, the contract was executed and the deed 
 delivered to Louis Mintz, and on the first of the fol- 
 lowing month Louis entered upon his new employ- 
 ment. 
 
 Louis' first season with his new employers was 
 fraught with good results for Potash & Perlmutter, 
 who reaped large profits from Louis' salesmanship; 
 but for Louis it had been somewhat disappointing. 
 
 "I never see nothing like it," he complained to 
 Abe. "That tenement house is like a summer hotel 
 people coming and going all the time; and every 
 time a tenant moves yet I got to pay for painting and 
 repapering the rooms. You certainly stuck me good 
 on that house." 
 
 "Stuck you!" Abe cried. "We didn't stuck you, 
 Louis. We just give you the house as a bonus. If 
 it don't rent well, Louis, you ought to sell it." 
 
 "Don't I know I ought to sell it?" Louis cried; 
 "but who's going to buy it! Eeal-estater after real- 
 estater comes to look at it, and it all amounts to nix. 
 
 99
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 They wouldn't take the house for the mort- 
 gages." 
 
 For nearly a year and a half Louis and Abe re- 
 peated this conversation every time Louis came back 
 from the road, and on the days when Louis paid in- 
 terest on mortgages and premiums on fire insurance 
 he grew positively tearful. 
 
 ''Why don't you pay me what I am short from 
 paying carrying charges on that property?" Louis 
 asked one day. ''And I'll give you the house back." 
 
 Abe laughed. 
 
 "You should make that proposition to the feller 
 what sold us the house," Abe said jocularly. 
 
 "Any one what sold that house once, Abe," Louis 
 rejoined, "don't want it back again." 
 
 At length, when Louis was absent on a business 
 trip some three months before the expiration of his 
 contract, Abe approached Morris in the show-room 
 and mooted the subject of taking back the house. 
 
 ' ' That house is a sticker, Mawruss, ' ' he said, ' ' and 
 we certainly shouldn't let Louis suffer by it. The 
 boy done well by us, and we don't want to lose 
 him." 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris replied, "the way I look at 
 it, we should wait till his time is pretty near up. 
 Maybe he will renew the contract without our taking 
 back the house, Abe; but if the worst comes to the 
 worst, Abe, we give him what he spent on the house 
 and take it back, providing he renews the contract for 
 a couple of years. Ain't it?" 
 
 100
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 Abe nodded doubtfully. 
 
 "Maybe you're right, Mawruss," he said; "but 
 the boy done good for us, Mawruss. We made it a 
 big profit by him this year already, and I don 't want 
 him to think that we ain't doing the right thing by 
 him." 
 
 "Since when was you so soft-hearted, Abe?" 
 Morris asked satirically ; and when Louis came back 
 from the road, a week later, no mention was made of 
 the house until Louis himself broached the topic. 
 
 "Look'y here, Abe," Louis said, "what are you 
 going to do for me about that house ? Counting the 
 rent I collected and the money I laid out for carrying 
 charges, I'm in the hole eight hundred and fifty dol- 
 lars already." 
 
 "Do for you, Louis!" Morris replied. "Why, 
 what can we do for you? Why don't you fix it up 
 like this, Louis? Why don't you make one last cam- 
 paign among the real-estaters, and then if you don't 
 succeed maybe we can do something." 
 
 "That's right, Louis," Abe said. "Just try it 
 and see what comes of it." 
 
 Then Abe handed Louis a cigar and dismissed the 
 subject, which never again arose until Louis was on 
 his final trip. 
 
 "Ain't it funny, Mawruss," Abe said, the morn- 
 ing of Louis' expected return "ain't it funny he 
 ain't mentioned that house to us since we spoke to 
 him the last time he was home ? ' ' 
 
 "I know it," Morris replied, "but you needn't 
 
 * Potash & Perlmutter. 101
 
 POTASH & PEKLMUTTER 
 
 worry, Abe. It says in the contract that Louis can't 
 take a job as salesman with any other house till one 
 year is up, and the boy can't afford to stay loafing 
 around for a whole year. ' ' 
 
 Abe nodded, and as he turned to look up the con- 
 tract in the safe the store door opened and Louis him- 
 self entered. 
 
 " Hallo, Louis," Abe cried. "Glad to see you, 
 Louis. Another good trip?" 
 
 Louis nodded, and they all passed into the show- 
 room. 
 
 "Well, you're going to make many more of them 
 for us before you're through, Louis," Abe said. 
 
 Louis grunted, and Abe and Morris exchanged dis- 
 quieting glances. 
 
 "You know, Louis," Morris said in the dulcet ac- 
 cents of the sucking dove, "your contract is up next 
 week, and Abe and me was talking about it the other 
 day, Louis, and about the house, too, and we says we 
 should do something about that house, Louis, and so 
 we'll make another contract for about, say, three 
 years, and we'll fix it up about the house when we all 
 sign the contract, Louis. We meant to take back the 
 house all the time, Louis. We was only kidding you 
 along, Louis," he continued. 
 
 ' ; So you was only kidding me along when you told 
 me to see them real-estaters, hey?" Louis demanded. 
 
 "Sure," Abe and Morris replied. 
 
 "Then you was the ones what got kidded," Louis 
 said, "for the last time I was in town I took your 
 
 102
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 advice. Do you know a feller called Michaelson? 
 And two other fellers by the name of Henochstein 
 and Magnus T" 
 
 Abe nodded. 
 
 1 ' Well, them three fellers took that house off of my 
 hands and paid me six hundred dollars to boot, over 
 and above the seven hundred and fifty I sunk in it." 
 
 Abe and Morris puffed vigorously at their cigars. 
 
 "And what's more," Louis went on, "they intro- 
 duced me to Harris Rabin, of the Equinox Cloth- 
 ing Company. I guess you know him, too, don't 
 you?" 
 
 Morris admitted sullenly that he did. 
 
 ' ' He 's got a daughter, Miss Miriam Rabin, ' ' Louis 
 concluded. "Her and me is going to announce our 
 engagement in next Sunday's Herald." 
 
 He paused and watched Morris and Abe, to see the 
 news sink in. 
 
 "And as soon as we're married," he said, "back 
 to the road for mine, but not with Potash & Perlmut- 
 ter." 
 
 "I guess you're mistaken, Louis," Abe cried. "I 
 guess you got a contract with us what will stop you 
 going on the road for another year yet." 
 
 "Back up, Abe," Louis said. "That there con- 
 tract says I can 't work as a salesman for any other 
 house for a year. But Rabin and me is going as part- 
 ners together in the cloak and suit business, and if 
 there's anything in that contract about me not sell- 
 ing cloaks as my own boss I'll eat it." 
 
 103
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 Abe went to the safe for the contract. At last he 
 found it, and after reading it over he handed it to 
 Morris. 
 
 1 ' You eat it, Mawruss, ' ' he said. ' ' Louis is right. ' ' 
 
 CHAPTER VI 
 
 " 4 FTER all, Mawruss/' Abe declared as he 
 
 r\ glanced over the columns of the Daily Cloak 
 and Suit Record, "after all a feller feels 
 more satisfied when he could see the customers him- 
 self and find out just exactly how they do business, 
 y 'understand. Maybe the way we lost Louis Mintz 
 wasn't such a bad thing anyhow, Mawruss. I bet 
 yer if Louis would of been selling goods for us, Maw- 
 russ, we would of been in that Cohen & Schondorf 
 business too. Me, I am different, Mawruss. So 
 soon as I went in that store, Mawruss, I could see that 
 them fellers was in bad. I'm very funny that way, 
 Mawruss. ' ' 
 
 "You shouldn't throw no bouquets at yourself be- 
 cause you got a little luck, Abe, ' ' Morris commented. 
 
 "Some people calls it luck, Mawruss, but I call it 
 judgment, y 'understand. ' ' 
 
 "Sure, I know," Morris continued, "but how about 
 Hymie Kotzen, Abe ? Always you said it that feller 
 got lots of judgment, Abe." 
 
 "A feller could got so much judgment as Andrew 
 Carnegie," Abe retorted, "and oncet in a while he 
 
 104
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 could play in hard luck too. Yes, Mawruss, Hymie 
 Kotzen is certainly playing in hard luck." 
 
 "Is he?" Morris Perlmutter replied. "Well, he 
 don't look it when I seen him in the Harlem Winter 
 Garden last night, Abe. Him and Mrs. Kotzen was 
 eating a family porterhouse between 'em with tcham- 
 panyer wine yet." 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," Abe said, "he needs it tcham- 
 panyer wine, Mawruss. Last month I seen it he gets 
 stung two thousand by Cohen & Schondorf, and to- 
 day he's chief mourner by the Ready Pay Store, 
 Barnet Fischman proprietor. Barney stuck him for 
 fifteen hundred, Mawruss, so I guess he needs it 
 tchampanyer wine to cheer him up." 
 
 "Well, maybe he needs it diamonds to cheer him 
 up, also, Abe, ' ' Morris added. * * That feller got dia- 
 monds on him, Abe, like 'lectric lights on the front 
 of a moving-picture show." 
 
 "Diamonds never harmed nobody's credit, Maw- 
 russ," Abe rejoined. "You can get your money out 
 of diamonds most any time, Mawruss. I see by the 
 papers diamonds increase in price thirty per cent, in 
 six months already. Yes, Mawruss, diamonds goes 
 up every day." 
 
 "And so does the feller what wears 'em, Abe," 
 Morris went on. * ' In fact, the way that Hymie Kot- 
 zen does business I shouldn't be surprised if he goes 
 up any day, too. Andrew Carnegie couldn't stand it 
 the failures what that feller gets into, Abe. ' ' 
 
 "That's just hard luck, Mawruss," Abe replied; 
 
 105
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "and if he wears it diamonds, Mawruss, lie paid for 
 'em himself, Mawruss, and he's got a right to wear 
 'em. So far what I hear it, Mawruss. he never stuck 
 nobody for a cent." 
 
 "Oh, Hymie ain't no crook, Abe," Morris ad- 
 mitted, "but I ain't got no use for a feller wearing 
 diamonds. Diamonds looks good on women, Abe, 
 and maybe also on a hotel-clerk or a feller what runs 
 a restaurant, Abe, but a business man ain't got no 
 right wearing diamonds." 
 
 "Of course, Mawruss, people's got their likes and 
 dislikes," Abe said; "but all the same I seen it many 
 a decent, respectable feller with a good business, Abe, 
 what wants a little accommodation at his bank. But 
 he gets turned down just because he goes around 
 looking like a slob; while a feller what can't pay his 
 own laundry bill, Mawruss, has no trouble getting a 
 thousand dollars because the second vice-presi- 
 dent is buffaloed already by a stovepipe hat, a 
 Prince Albert coat and a four-carat stone with a 
 flaw in it." 
 
 "Well, a four-carat stone wouldn't affect me none, 
 Abe," Morris said, "and believe me, Abe, Hymie 
 Kotzen's diamonds don't worry me none, neither. 
 All I'm troubling about now is that I got an appetite 
 like a horse, so I guess I '11 go to lunch. ' ' 
 
 Abe jumped to his feet. ' ' Give me a chance oncet 
 in a while, Mawruss," he protested. "Every day 
 comes half-past twelve you got to go to your lunch. 
 Ain't I got no stomach, neither, Mawruss?" 
 
 106
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 "Oh, go ahead if you want to," Morris grumbled, 
 "only don't stay all day, Abe. Remember there's 
 other people wants to eat, too, Abe." 
 
 "I guess the shoe pinches on the other foot now, 
 Mawruss," Abe retorted as he put on his hat. 
 "When I get through eating I'll be back." 
 
 He walked across the street to Wasserbauer 's Cafe 
 and Eestaurant and seated himself at his favorite 
 table. 
 
 "Well, Mr. Potash," Louis, the waiter, cried, dust- 
 ing off the tablecloth with a red-and-white towel, 
 "some nice Metzelsuppe to-day, huh?" 
 
 "No, Louis," Abe replied as he took a dill pickle 
 from a dishful on the table, "I guess I won't have no 
 soup to-day. Give me some geddnipftes Kalbfteisch 
 mit Kartoffelklosse. ' ' 
 
 "Eight away quick, Mr. Potash," said Louis, start- 
 ing to hurry away. 
 
 "Ain't I nobody here, Louis?" cried a bass voice 
 at the table behind Abe. "Do I sit here all day?" 
 
 "Ex-cuse me, Mr. Kotzen," Louis exclaimed. 
 "Some nice roast chicken to-day, Mr. Kotzen?" 
 
 "I'll tell you what I want it, Louis, not you me," 
 Mr. Kotzen grunted. "If I want to eat it roast 
 chicken I'll say so. If I don't I won't." 
 
 "Sure, sure," Louis cried, rubbing his hands in a 
 perfect frenzy of apology. 
 
 "Gimme a Schweizerkase sandwich and a cup of 
 coffee," Mr. Kotzen concluded, "and if you don't 
 think you can bring it back here in half an hour, 
 
 107
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 Louis, let me know, that's all, and I'll ask Wasser 
 bauer if he can help you out." 
 
 Abe had started on his second dill pickle, and he 
 held it in his hand as he turned around in his chair. 
 " Hallo, Hymie," he said; "ain't you feeling good 
 to-day?" 
 
 "Oh, hallo, Abe," Kotzen cried, glancing over; 
 "why don't you come over and sit at my table?" 
 
 "I guess I will," Abe replied. He rose to his feet 
 with his napkin tucked into his collar and, carrying 
 the dish of dill pickles with him, he moved over to 
 Kotzen 's table. 
 
 "What's the matter, Hymie?" Abe asked. "You 
 ain't sick, are you?" 
 
 "That depends what you call it sick, Abe," Hymie 
 replied. "I don't got to see no doctor exactly, Abe, 
 if that's what you mean. But that Sam Feder by the 
 Kosciusko Bank, I was over to see him just now, and 
 I bet you he makes me sick." 
 
 "I thought you always got along pretty good with 
 Sam, Hymie, ' ' Abe mumbled through a mouthful of 
 dill pickle. 
 
 "So I do," said Hymie; "but he heard it some- 
 thing about this here Ready Pay Store and how I'm 
 in it for fifteen hundred, and also this Cohen & Schon- 
 dorf sticks me also, and he's getting anxious. So, 
 either he wants me I should give him over a couple 
 of accounts, or either I should take up some of my 
 paper. Well, you know Feder, Abe. He don 't want 
 nothing but A Number One concerns, and then he got 
 
 108
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 the bank's lawyer what is his son-in-law, De Witt C. 
 Feinholz, that he should draw up the papers ; and so 
 it goes. I got it bills receivable due the first of the 
 month, five thousand dollars from such people like 
 Heller, Blumenkrohn & Co., of Cincinnati, and The 
 Emporium, Duluth, all gilt-edge accounts, Abe, and 
 why should I lose it twenty per cent, on them, ain't 
 it?" 
 
 "Sure," Abe murmured. 
 
 "Well, that's what I told Feder," Hymie went on. 
 "If I got to take up a couple of thousand dollars I'll 
 do it. But running a big plant like I got it, Abe, nat- 
 urally it makes me a little short." 
 
 "Naturally," Abe agreed. He scented what was 
 joining. 
 
 "But anyhow, I says to Feder, I got it lots of 
 friends in the trade, and I ain't exactly broke yet, 
 neither, Abe." 
 
 He lifted his Swiss-cheese sandwich in his left hand, 
 holding out the third finger the better to display a 
 five-carat stone, while Abe devoted himself to his 
 veal. 
 
 * ' Of course, Abe, ' ' Hymie continued, * ' on the first 
 of the month that's only two weeks already things 
 will be running easy for me. ' ' 
 
 He looked at Abe for encouragement, but Abe's 
 facial expression was completely hidden by veal stew, 
 fragments of which were clinging to his eyebrows. 
 
 "But, naturally, I'm at present a little short," 
 Hymie croaked, "and so I thought maybe you could 
 
 109
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 help me out with, say a thousand dollars till the first 
 of the month, say." 
 
 Abe laid down his knife and fork and massaged his 
 face with his napkin. 
 
 "For my part, Hymie," he said, "you should have 
 it in a minute. I know it you are good as gold, and 
 if you say that you will pay on the first of the month 
 a U-nited States bond ain 't no better. ' ' 
 
 He paused impressively and laid a hand on 
 Hymie 's knee. 
 
 "Only, Hymie," he concluded, "I got it a part- 
 ner. Ain't it? And you know Mawruss Perlmutter, 
 Hymie. He's a pretty hard customer, Hymie, and 
 if I was to draw you the firm's check for a thousand, 
 Hymie, that feller would have a receiver by the court 
 to-morrow morning already. He's a holy terror, 
 Hymie, believe me." 
 
 Hymie sipped gloomily at his coffee. 
 
 "But Mawruss Perlmutter was always a pretty 
 good friend of mine, Abe, ' ' he said. * ' Why shouldn't 
 he be willing to give it me if you are agreeable? 
 Ain't it? And, anyhow, Abe, it can't do no harm to 
 ask him." 
 
 "Well, Hymie, he's over at the store now," Abe 
 replied. ' ' Go ahead and ask him. ' ' 
 
 "I know it what he'd say if I ask him, Abe. He'd 
 tell me I should see you ; but you say I should see him, 
 and then I'm up in the air. Ain't it?" 
 
 Abe treated himself to a final rubdown with the 
 napkin and scrambled to his feet. 
 
 no
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 "All right, Hymie," he said. "If you want me 1 
 should ask him I'll ask him." 
 
 "Remember, Abe," Hymie said as Abe turned 
 away, "only till the first, so sure what I'm sitting 
 here. I '11 ring you up in a quarter of an hour. ' ' 
 
 When Abe entered the firm's show-room five min- 
 utes later he found Morris consuming the last of some 
 crullers and coffee brought in from a near-by bakery 
 by Jake, the shipping clerk. 
 
 "Well, Abe, maybe you think that's a joke you 
 should keep me here a couple of hours already," 
 Morris said. 
 
 "Many a time I got to say that to you already, 
 Mawruss," Abe rejoined. "But, anyhow, I didn't 
 eat it so much, Mawruss. It was Hymie Kotzen what 
 keeps me." 
 
 "Hymie Kotzen!" Morris cried. "What for 
 should he keep you, Abe ? Blows you to some tcham- 
 panyer wine, maybe?" 
 
 "Tchampanyer he ain't drinking it to-day, Maw- 
 russ, I bet yer," Abe replied. "He wants to lend it 
 from us a thousand dollars. ' ' 
 
 Morris laughed raucously. 
 
 ' * What a chance ! " he said. 
 
 "Till the first of the month, Mawruss," Abe con- 
 tinued, * ' and I thought maybe we would let him have 
 it." 
 
 Morris ceased laughing and glared at Abe. 
 
 "Tchampanyer you must have been drinking it, 
 Abe," he commented. 
 
 ill
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Why shouldn't we let him have it, Mawruss ?" 
 Abe demanded. " Hymie 's a good feller, Mawruss, 
 and a smart business man, too." 
 
 "Is he?" Morris yelled. "Well, he ain't smart 
 enough to keep out of failures like Barney Fisch- 
 man's and Cohen & Schondorf's, Abe, but he's too 
 smart to lend it us a thousand dollars, supposing we 
 was short for a couple of days. No, Abe, I heard it 
 enough about Hymie Kotzen already. I wouldn't 
 positively not lend him nothing, Abe, and that's 
 flat." 
 
 To end the discussion effectually he went to the 
 cutting-room upstairs and remained there when 
 Hymie rang up. 
 
 "It ain't no use, Hymie," Abe said. "Mawruss 
 wouldn't think of it. We're short ourselves. You've 
 no idee what trouble we got it with some of our col- 
 lections." 
 
 "But, Abe," Hymie protested, "I got to have the 
 money. I promised Feder I would give it him this 
 afternoon. ' ' 
 
 Abe remained silent. 
 
 "I tell you what I'll do, Abe," Hymie insisted; 
 "I'll come around and see you." 
 
 "It won't be no use, Hymie," Abe said, but Cen- 
 tral was his only auditor, for Hymie had hung up the 
 receiver. Indeed, Abe had hardly returned to the 
 show-room before Hymie entered the store door. 
 
 "Where's Mawruss?" he asked. 
 
 "Up in the cutting-room," Abe replied. 
 
 112
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 "Good!" Hymie cried. "Now look'y here, Abe, 
 I got a proposition to make it to you." 
 
 He tugged at the diamond ring on the third finger 
 of his left hand and laid it on a sample-table. Then 
 from his shirt-bosom he unscrewed a miniature 
 locomotive headlight, which he deposited beside the 
 ring. 
 
 "See them stones, Abe?" he continued. "They 
 oosted it me one thousand three hundred dollars dur- 
 ing the panic already, and to-day I wouldn 't take two 
 thousand for 'em. Now, Abe, you sit right down and 
 write me out a check for a thousand dollars, and so 
 help me I should never stir out of this here office, Abe, 
 if I ain't on the spot with a thousand dollars in hand 
 two weeks from to-day, Abe, you can keep them 
 stones, settings and all." 
 
 Abe's eyes fairly bulged out of his head as he 
 looked at the blazing diamonds. 
 
 "But, Hymie," he exclaimed, "I don't want your 
 diamonds. If I had it the money myself, Hymie, be- 
 lieve me, you are welcome to it like you was my own 
 brother." 
 
 "I know all about that, Abe," Hymie replied, "but 
 you ain 't Mawruss, and if you got such a regard for 
 me what you claim you have, Abe, go upstairs and 
 ask Mawruss Perlmutter will he do it me the favor 
 and let me have that thousand dollars with the stones 
 as security." 
 
 Without further parley Abe turned and left the 
 show-room.
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 "Mawruss," he called from the foot of the stairs, 
 "come down here once. I want to show you some- 
 thing." 
 
 In the meantime Hymie pulled down the shades and 
 turned on the electric lights. Then he took a swatch 
 of black velveteen from his pocket and arranged 
 it over the sample-table with the two gems in its 
 folds. 
 
 "Hymie Kotzen is inside the show-room," Abe ex- 
 plained when Morris appeared in answer to his sum- 
 mons. 
 
 ' ' Well, what have I got to do with Hymie Kotzen 1 ' ' 
 Morris demanded. 
 
 "Come inside and speak to him, Mawruss," Abe 
 rejoined. "He won't eat you." 
 
 "Maybe you think I'm scared to turn him down, 
 Abe?" Morris concluded as he led the way to the 
 show-room. , "Well, I'll show you different." 
 
 "Hallo, Mawruss," Hymie cried. "What's the 
 good word?" 
 
 Morris grunted an inarticulate greeting. 
 
 "What you got all the shades down for, Abe?" he 
 asked. 
 
 "Don't touch 'em," Hymie said. "Just you have 
 a look at this sample-table first. ' ' 
 
 Hymie seized Morris by the arm anu turned him 
 around until he faced the velveteen. 
 
 "Ain't them peaches, Mawruss?" he asked. 
 
 Morris stared at the diamonds, almost hypnotized 
 by their brilliancy. 
 
 114
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 "Them stones belong to you, Mawruss," Hymie 
 went on, "if I don't pay you inside of two weeks 
 the thousand dollars what you're going to lend 
 me." 
 
 "We ain't going to lend you no thousand dollars, 
 Hymie," Morris said at last, "because we ain't got it 
 to lend. We need it in our own business, Hymie, and, 
 besides, you got the wrong idee. We ain't no pawn- 
 brokers, Hymie; we are in the cloak and suit busi- 
 ness. ' ' 
 
 "Hymie knows it all about that, Mawruss," Abe 
 broke in, "and he shows he ain't no crook, neither. 
 If he 's willing to trust you with them diamonds, Maw- 
 russ, we should be willing to trust him with a thou- 
 sand dollars. Ain't it?" 
 
 "He could trust me with the diamonds, Abe, be- 
 cause I ain't got no use for diamonds," Morris re- 
 plied. "If anyone gives me diamonds that I should 
 take care of it into the safe they go. I ain't a person 
 what sticks diamonds all over myself, Abe, and I 
 don't buy no tchampanyer wine one day and come 
 around trying to lend it from people a thousand dol- 
 lars the next day, Abe." 
 
 "It was my wife's birthday," Hymie explained; 
 * ' and if I got to spend it my last cent, Mawruss, I al- 
 ways buy tchampanyer on my wife's birthday." 
 
 "All right, Hymie, " Morris retorted ; "if you think 
 it so much of your wife, lend it from her a thousand 
 dollars. ' ' 
 
 "Make an end, make an end," Abe cried; "I 
 
 115
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 hear it enough already. Put them diamonds in the 
 safe and we give Hymie a check for a thousand dol- 
 lars." 
 
 Morris shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 "All right, Abe," he said. "Do what you please, 
 but remember what I tell it you now. I don't know 
 nothing about diamonds and I don't care nothing 
 about diamonds, and if it should be that we got to 
 keep it the diamonds I don't want nothing to do with 
 them. All I want it is my share of the thousand dol- 
 lars." 
 
 He turned on his heel and banged the show-room 
 door behind him, while Abe pulled up the shades and 
 Hymie turned off the lights. 
 
 "That's a fine crank for you, Abe," Hymie ex- 
 claimed. 
 
 Abe said nothing, but sat down and wrote out a 
 check for a thousand dollars. 
 
 "I hope them diamonds is worth it," he murmured, 
 handing the check to Hymie. 
 
 "If they ain't," Hymie replied as he made for the 
 door, "I'll eat 'em, Abe, and I ain't got too good a 
 di-gestion, neither." 
 
 At intervals of fifteen minutes during the re- 
 mainder of the afternoon Morris visited the safe and 
 inspected the diamonds until Abe was moved to criti- 
 cise his partner's behavior. 
 
 "Them diamonds ain't going to run away, Maw- 
 russ. ' ' 
 
 "Maybe they will, Abe," Morris replied, "if we 
 
 116
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 leave the safe open and people comes in and out all 
 the time." 
 
 ''So far, nobody ain't took nothing out of that safe, 
 Mawruss," Abe retorted; "but if you want to lock 
 the safe I'm agreeable." 
 
 "What for should we lock the safe?" Morris 
 asked. ' f We are all the time getting things out of it 
 what we need. Ain't it? A better idee I got it, Abe, 
 is that you should put on the ring and I will wear 
 the pin, or you wear the pin and I will put on the 
 ring. ' ' 
 
 "No, siree, Mawruss," Abe replied. "If I put it 
 on a big pin like that and I got to take it off again 
 in a week's time might I would catch a cold on my 
 chest, maybe. Besides, I ain't built for diamonds, 
 Mawruss. So, you wear 'em both, Mawruss. ' ' 
 
 Morris forced a hollow laugh. 
 
 "Me wear 'em, Abe!" he exclaimed. "No, siree, 
 Abe, I 'm not the kind what wears diamonds. I leave 
 that to sports like Hymie Kotzen. ' ' 
 
 Nevertheless, he placed the ring on the third finger 
 of his left hand, with the stone turned in, and care- 
 fully wrapping up the pin in tissue-paper he placed 
 it in his waistcoat pocket. The next day was Wed- 
 nesday, and he screwed the pin into his shirt-front 
 underneath a four-in-hand scarf. On Thursday he 
 wore the ring with the stone exposed, and on Friday 
 he discarded the four-in-hand scarf for a bow tie and 
 shamelessly flaunted both ring and pin. 
 
 "Mawruss," Abe commented on Saturday, "must 
 
 8 Potash & Perlmttttir. il7
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 you stick out your little finger when you smoke it a 
 cigar ? ' ' 
 
 " Habits what I was born with, Abe," Morris re- 
 plied. "I can't help it none." 
 
 "Maybe you was born with a diamond ring on your 
 little finger. What?" Abe jeered. 
 
 Morris glared at his partner. 
 
 "If you think that I enjoy it wearing that ring, 
 Abe," he declared, "you are much mistaken. You 
 got us to take these here diamonds, Abe, and if they 
 got stole on us, Abe, we are not only out the thousand 
 dollars, but we would also got to pay it so much more 
 as Hymie Kotzen would sue us for in the courts. I 
 got to wear this here ring, Abe, and that's all there 
 is to it." 
 
 He walked away to the rear of the store with the 
 air of a martyr, while Abe gazed after him in silent 
 admiration. 
 
 Two weeks sped quickly by, during which Morris 
 safeguarded the diamonds with the utmost zest and 
 enjoyment, and at length the settling day arrived. 
 Morris was superintending the unpacking of piece 
 goods in the cutting-room when Abe darted up- 
 stairs. 
 
 "Mawruss," he hissed, "Hymie Kotzen is down- 
 stairs. ' ' 
 
 By a feat of legerdemain that a conjurer might 
 have envied, Morris transferred the pin and ring to 
 his waistcoat pocket and followed Abe to the show- 
 room. 
 
 118
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 "Well, Hymie," Morris cried, "we thought you 
 would be prompt on the day. Ain't it ? " 
 
 Hymie smiled a sickly smirk in which there was as 
 little mirth as there was friendliness. 
 
 "You got another think coming," Hymie replied. 
 
 "What d'ye mean!" Morris exclaimed. 
 
 "I'm up against it, boys," Hymie explained. "I 
 expected to get it a check for two thousand from 
 Heller, Blumenkrohn this morning." 
 
 "And didn't it come?" Abe asked. 
 
 "Sure it come," Hymie replied, "but it was only 
 sixteen hundred and twenty dollars. They claim it 
 three hundred and eighty dollars for shortage in de- 
 livery, so I returned 'em the check." 
 
 "You returned 'em the check, Hymie f" Morris 
 cried. "And we got to wait for our thousand dollars 
 because you made it a shortage in delivery. ' ' 
 
 "I didn't make no shortage in delivery," Hymie 
 declared. 
 
 "Well, Hymie," Abe broke in, "you say it your- 
 self Heller, Blumenkrohn is gilt-edge, A Number 
 One people. They ain't going to claim no shortage 
 if there wasn't none, Hymie." 
 
 "I guess you don't know Louis Blumenkrohn, 
 Abe," Hymie retorted. "He claims it shortage be- 
 fore he unpacks the goods already." 
 
 "Well, what has that got to do with us, Hymie?" 
 Morris burst out. 
 
 "You see how it is, boys," Hymie explained; "so I 
 got to ask it you a couple of weeks' extension." 
 
 lift
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "A couple of weeks' extension is nix, Hymie,' 1 
 Abe said, and Morris nodded his head in approval. 
 
 "Either you give it us the thousand, Hymie," was 
 Morris ' ultimatum, ' ' or either we keep the diamonds, 
 and that's all there is to it." 
 
 "Now, Mawruss," Hymie protested, "you ain't 
 going to shut down on me like that! Make it two 
 weeks more and I '11 give you a hundred dollars bonus 
 and interest at six per cent." 
 
 Abe shook his head. "No, Hymie," he said 
 firmly, "we ain't no loan sharks. If you got to get 
 that thousand dollars to-day you will manage it some- 
 how. So that's the way it stands. We keep open 
 here till six o'clock, Hymie, and the diamonds will be 
 waiting for you as soon so you bring us the thousand 
 dollars. That's all." 
 
 There was a note of finality in Abe's tones that 
 made Hymie put on his hat and leave without another 
 word. 
 
 "Yes, Abe," Morris commented as the door closed 
 behind Hymie, "so liberal you must be with my 
 money. Ain't I told you from the very start that 
 feller is a lowlife? Tchampanyer he must drink it 
 on his wife's birthday, Abe, and also he got to wear it 
 diamonds, Abe, when he ain't got enough money to 
 pay his laundry bill yet. ' ' 
 
 "I ain't worrying, Mawruss," Abe replied. "He 
 ain't going to let us keep them diamonds for a thou- 
 sand dollars, Mawruss. They're worth a whole lot 
 more as that, Mawruss." 
 
 120
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 "I don't know how much they're worth, Abe," 
 Morris grunted, putting on his hat, "but one thing I 
 do know; I'm going across the street to get a shave; 
 and then I'm going right down to Sig Pollak on 
 Maiden Lane, Abe, and I'll find out just how much 
 they are worth." 
 
 A moment later he descended the basement steps 
 into the barber-shop under Wasserbauer 's Cafe and 
 Eestaurant. 
 
 "Hallo, Mawruss," a voice cried from the proprie- 
 tor's chair. "Ain't it a hot weather?" 
 
 It was Sam Feder, vice-president of the Kos- 
 ciusko Bank, who spoke. He was midway in the 
 divided enjoyment of a shampoo and a large 
 black cigar, while an electric fan oscillated over 
 his head. 
 
 "I bet yer it's hot, Mr. Feder," Morris agreed, 
 taking off his coat. 
 
 "Why don't you take your vest off, too, Maw- 
 russ 1 ' ' Sam Feder suggested. 
 
 "That's a good idee," Morris replied, peeling off 
 his waistcoat. He hung it next to his coat and re- 
 lapsed with a sigh into the nearest vacant chair. 
 
 "Just once around, Phil," he said to the barber, 
 and closed his eyes for a short nap. 
 
 When he woke up ten minutes later Phil was spray- 
 ing him with witch-hazel while the proprietor stood 
 idly in front of the mirror and curled his flowing 
 black mustache. 
 
 "Don't take it so particular, Phil," Morris en- 
 
 121
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 joined. "I ain't got it all day to sit here in this 
 chair. ' ' 
 
 "All right, Mr. Perlmutter, all right," Phil cried, 
 and in less than three minutes, powdered, oiled 
 and combed, Morris climbed out of the chair. 
 His coat was in waiting, held by a diminutive 
 Italian brushboy, but Morris waved his hand im- 
 patiently. 
 
 "My vest, 5 " he demanded. "I don't put my coat 
 on under my vest." 
 
 The brushboy turned to the vacant row of hooks. 
 
 "No gotta da vest," he said. 
 
 "What!" Morris gasped. 
 
 "You didn'c have no vest on, did you, Mr. Perl- 
 niutter?" the proprietor asked. 
 
 "Sure I had a vest," Morris cried. "Where is 
 it?" 
 
 On the wall hung a sign which advised customers 
 to check their clothing with the cashier or no re- 
 sponsibility would be assumed by the management, 
 and it was to this notice that the proprietor pointed 
 before answering. 
 
 "I guess somebody must have pinched it," he re- 
 plied nonchalantly. 
 
 It was not until two hours after the disappearance 
 of his waistcoat that Morris returned to the store. In 
 the meantime he had been to police headquarters and 
 had inserted an advertisement in three daily news- 
 papers. Moreover he had consulted a lawyer, the 
 eminent Henry D. Feldman, and had received no con- 
 
 122
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 eolation either on the score of the barber's lia- 
 bility to Potash & Perlmutter or of his own liability 
 to Kotzen. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," Abe said, "how much are them 
 diamonds worth?" 
 
 Then he looked up and for the first time saw his 
 partner's haggard face. 
 
 "Holy smokes!" he cried. "They're winder- 
 glass. ' ' 
 
 Morris shook his head. "I wish they was," he 
 croaked. 
 
 "You wish they was!" Abe repeated in accents 
 of amazement. "What d'ye mean?" 
 
 "Somebody pinched 'em on me," Morris replied. 
 
 "What!" Abe shouted. 
 
 "S-sh," Morris hissed as the door opened. It was 
 Hymie Kotzen who entered. 
 
 "Well, boys," he cried, "every cloud is silver- 
 plated. Ain't it? No sooner did I get back to my 
 store than I get a letter from Henry D. Feldman that 
 Cohen & Schondorf want to settle for forty cents 
 cash. On the head of that, mind you, in comes Ru- 
 dolph Heller from Cincinnati, and when I tell him 
 about the check what they sent it me he fixes it up on 
 the spot." 
 
 He beamed at Abe and Morris. 
 
 "So, bring out them diamonds, boys," he con- 
 cluded, "and we'll settle up C. O. D." 
 
 He pulled a roll of bills from his pocket and toyed 
 with them, but neither Abe nor Morris stirred. 
 
 123
 
 POTASH & PEKLMUTTER 
 
 "What's the hurry, Hymie?" Abe asked feebly. 
 
 "What's the hurry, Abe!" Hymie repeated. 
 "Well, ain't that a fine question for you to ask it of 
 me! Don't sit there like a dummy, Abe. Get the 
 diamonds and we'll fix it up." 
 
 "But wouldn't to-morrow do as well?" Morris 
 asked. 
 
 Hymie sat back and eyed Morris suspiciously. 
 
 "What are you trying to do, Mawruss?" he asked. 
 "Make jokes with me?" 
 
 "I ain't making no jokes, Hymie," Morris replied. 
 "The fact is, Hymie, we got it the diamonds, now 
 in our now safety-deposit box, and it ain't con- 
 venient to get at it now. ' ' 
 
 "Oh, it ain't, ain't it?" Hymie cried. "Well, it's 
 got to be convenient ; so, Abe, you get a move on you 
 and go down to them safety-deposit vaults and fetch 
 them." 
 
 "Let Mawruss fetch 'em," Abe replied wearily. 
 "The safety deposit is his idee, Hymie, not mine." 
 
 Hymie turned to Morris. "Go ahead, Mawruss," 
 he said, "you fetch 'em." 
 
 "I was only stringing you, Hymie," Morris 
 croaked. "We ain't got 'em in no safety-deposit 
 vault at all." 
 
 ' ' That settles it, ' ' Hymie cried, jumping to his feet 
 and jamming his hat down with both hands. 
 
 "Where you going, Hymie?" Abe called after him. 
 
 "For a policeman," Hymie said. "I want them 
 diamonds and I'm going to have 'em, too." 
 
 124
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 Morris ran to the store door and grabbed Hymie 
 by the coattails. 
 
 "Wait a minute," he yelled. "Hymie, I'm sur- 
 prised at you that you should act that way. ' ' 
 
 Hymie stopped short. 
 
 "I ain't acting, Mawruss," he said. "It's you 
 what's acting. All I want it is you should give me 
 my ring and pin, and I am satisfied to pay you the 
 thousand dollars." 
 
 They returned to the show-room and once more sat 
 down. 
 
 "I'll tell you the truth, Hymie," Morris said at 
 last. "I loaned them diamonds to somebody, and 
 that's the way it is." 
 
 "You loaned 'em to somebody!" Hymie cried, 
 jumping once more to his feet. "My diamonds you 
 loaned it, Mawruss? Well, all I got to say is either 
 you get them diamonds back right away, or either I 
 will call a policeman and make you arrested. ' ' 
 
 ' ' Make me arrested, then, Hymie, ' ' Morris replied 
 resignedly, "because the feller what I loaned them 
 diamonds to won't return 'em for two weeks any- 
 how. ' ' 
 
 Hymie sat down again. 
 
 "For two weeks, hey?" he said. He passed his 
 handkerchief over his face and looked at Abe. 
 
 "That's a fine, nervy partner what you got it, 
 Abe, I must say, ' ' he commented. 
 
 "Well, Hymie," Abe replied, "so long as you can't 
 get them diamonds back for two weeks keep the thou- 
 
 125
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 sand dollars for two weeks and we won't charge you 
 no interest nor nothing. ' ' 
 
 "No, siree," Hymie said; "either I pay you the 
 thousand now, Abe, or I don't pay it you for three 
 months, and no interest nor nothing." 
 
 Abe looked at Morris, who nodded his head slowly. 
 
 "What do we care, Abe," he said, "two weeks or 
 three months is no difference now, ain't it?" 
 
 "I'm agreeable, then, Hymie," Abe declared. 
 
 "All right," Hymie said eagerly; "put it down in 
 writing and sign it, and I am satisfied you should keep 
 the diamonds three months." 
 
 Abe sat down at his desk and scratched away for 
 five minutes. 
 
 "Here it is, Hymie," he said at last. "Hyman 
 Kotzen and Potash & Perlmutter agrees it that one 
 thousand dollars what he lent it off of them should 
 not be returned for three months from date, no in- 
 terest nor nothing. And also, that Potash & Perl- 
 mutter should not give up the diamonds, neither. 
 POTASH & PERLMTJTTER. " 
 
 "That's all right," Hymie said. He folded the 
 paper into his pocketbook and turned to Morris. 
 
 "Also it is understood, Mawruss, you shouldn't 
 lend them diamonds to nobody else," he concluded, 
 and a minute later the store door closed behind him. 
 
 After he had gone there was an ominous silence 
 which Abe was the first to break. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," he said, "ain't that a fine mess 
 you got us into it? Must you wore it them diamonds, 
 
 126
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEK 
 
 Mawruss? Why couldn't you leave 'em in the 
 safe?" 
 
 Morris made no answer. 
 
 "Or if you had to lose 'em, Mawruss," Abe went 
 on, "why didn't you done it the day we loaned Hymie 
 the money ! Then we could of stopped our check by 
 the bank. Now we can do nothing." 
 
 "I didn't lose the diamonds, Abe," Morris pro- 
 tested. "I left 'em in my vest in the barber-shop 
 and somebody took it the vest." 
 
 "Well, ain't you got no suspicions, Mawruss?" 
 Abe asked. "Think, Mawruss, who was it took the 
 vest?" 
 
 Morris raised his head and was about to reply 
 when the store door opened and Sam Feder, vice' 
 president of the Kosciusko Bank, entered bearing a 
 brown paper parcel under his arm. 
 
 A personal visit from so well-known a financier 
 covered Abe with embarrassment, and he jumped to 
 his feet and rushed out of the show-room with both 
 arms outstretched. 
 
 "Mr. Feder," he exclaimed, "ain't this indeed a 
 pleasure? Come inside, Mr. Feder. Come inside 
 into our show-room." 
 
 He brought out a seat for the vice-president and 
 dusted it carefully. 
 
 "I ain't come to see you, Abe," Mr. Feder said; 
 "I come to see that partner of yours." 
 
 He untied the string that bound the brown paper 
 parcel and pulled out its contents. 
 
 127
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Why!" Morris gasped. "That's my vest." 
 
 "Sure it is," Mr. Feder replied, "and it just fits 
 me, Mawruss. In fact, it fits me so good that when 
 I went to the barber-shop in a two-piece suit this 
 morning, Mawruss, I come away with a three-piece 
 suit and a souvenir besides." 
 
 "A souvenir!" Abe cried. "What for a sou- 
 venir?" 
 
 Mr. Feder put his hand in his trousers pocket and 
 tumbled the missing ring and pin on to a baize-cov- 
 ered sample table. 
 
 ' ' That was the souvenir, Abe, ' ' he said. * ' In fact, 
 two souvenirs." 
 
 Morris and Abe stared at the diamonds, too 
 stunned for utterance. 
 
 "You're a fine feller, Mawruss," Mr. Feder con- 
 tinued, "to be carrying around valuable stones like 
 them in your vest pocket. Why, I showed them 
 stones to a feller what was in my office an hour ago 
 and he says they must be worth pretty near five hun- 
 dred dollars." 
 
 He paused and looked at Morris. 
 
 "And he was a pretty good judge of diamonds, 
 too," he continued. 
 
 "Who was the feller, Mr. Feder?" Abe asked. 
 
 "I guess you know, Abe," Mr. Feder replied. 
 "His name is Hymie Kotzen." 
 
 128
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 CHAPTER VH 
 
 ""m JTAX FRIED, of the A La Mode Store, was 
 
 I Y I *- nere a ^ ew minutes since, Mawruss," 
 said Abe Potash to his partner, Morris 
 Perlmutter, after the latter had returned from lunch 
 one busy August day, * ' and bought a couple of hun- 
 dred of them long Trouvilles. He also wanted some- 
 thing to ask it of us as a favor, Mawruss." 
 
 "Sixty days is long enough, Abe," said Morris, 
 on the principle of "once bitten, twice shy." "For 
 a man what runs a little store like the A La Mode 
 on Main Street, Buffalo, Abe, Max don't buy too few 
 goods, neither. Ain't it?" 
 
 "Don't jump always for conclusions, Mawruss," 
 Abe broke in. "This ain't no credit matter what he 
 asks it of us. His wife got a sister what they wanted 
 to make from her a teacher, Mawruss, but she ain't 
 got the head. So, Max thinks we could maybe use 
 her for a model. Her name is Miss Kreitmann and 
 she's a perfect thirty-six, Max says, only a little 
 fat." 
 
 "And then, when she tries on a garment for a 
 customer," Morris rejoined, "the customer goes 
 around telling everybody that we cut our stuff too 
 skimpy. Ain't it? No, Abe, we got along so far 
 good with the models what we got, and I guess we 
 can keep it up. Besides, if Max is so anxious to 
 
 129
 
 get her a job, why don't he take her on himself, 
 Abe?" 
 
 " Because she lives here in New York with her 
 mother," Abe explained; "and what chance has a 
 girl got in Buffalo, anyway? That's what Max says, 
 and he also told it me that she got a very fine per- 
 sonality, and if we think it over maybe he gives us 
 an introduction to Philip Hahn, of the Flower 
 City Credit Outfitting Company. That's a million- 
 dollar concern, Mawruss. I bet yer they're rated 
 J to K, first credit, and Philip Halm's wife is 
 Miss Kreitmann's mother's sister. Leon Sam- 
 met will go crazy if he hears that we sell them 
 people. ' ' 
 
 "That's all right, Abe," said Morris. "We ain't 
 doing business to spite our competitors; we're do- 
 ing it to please our customers so that they'll buy 
 goods from us and maybe they'll go crazy, too, 
 when they see her face, Abe." 
 
 "Max Fried says she is a good-looker. Nothing 
 extraordinary, y 'understand, but good, snappy stuff 
 and up to date." 
 
 "You talk like she was a garment, Abe," said 
 Morris. 
 
 "Well, you wouldn't buy no garment, Mawruss, 
 just because some one told you it was good. Would 
 you? So, Max says he would bring her around this 
 afternoon, and if we liked her Hahn would stop 
 in and see u? later in the day. He says Hahn 
 picks out never less than a couple of hundred of 
 
 130
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 one style, and also Hahn is a liberal buyer, Maw- 
 russ." 
 
 "Of course, Abe," Morris commenced, "if we're 
 doing this to oblige Philip Hahn " 
 
 "We're doing it to oblige Philip Hahn and Max 
 Fried both, Mawruss," Abe broke in. "Max says 
 he ain't got a minute's peace since Miss Kreitmann 
 is old enough to get married." 
 
 "So!" Morris cried. "A matrimonial agency 
 we're running, Abe. Is that the idea!" 
 
 ' ' The idea is that she should have the opportunity 
 of meeting by us a business man, Mawruss, what 
 can give her a good home and a good living, too. 
 Max says he is pretty near broke, buying transpor- 
 tation from Buffalo to New York, Mawruss, so as 
 he can bust up love matches between Miss Kreit- 
 mann and some good-looking retail salesman, Maw- 
 russ, what can dance the waltz A Number One and 
 couldn't pay rent for light housekeeping on Chrystie 
 Street." 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris agreed, with a sigh of resig- 
 nation, "if we got to hire her as a condition that 
 Philip Halm gives us a couple of good orders a sea- 
 son, Abe, I'm agreeable." 
 
 "Naturally," Abe replied, and carefully selecting 
 a slightly-damaged cigar from the M to P first and 
 second credit customers ' box, he fell to assorting the 
 sample line against Philip Hahn's coming that 
 afternoon. 
 
 His task was hardly begun, however, when the 
 
 131
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 store door opened to admit Max Fried and his sister 
 in-law. Abe immediately ceased his sample-assort- 
 ing and walked forward to greet them. 
 
 "Hello, Max," he said. 
 
 Max stopped short, and by the simple process of 
 thrusting out his waist-line assumed a dignity be- 
 fitting the ceremony of introduction. 
 
 "Mr. Potash," he said severely, "this is Miss 
 Gussie Kreitmann, my wife's sister, what I talked 
 to you about." 
 
 Abe grinned shyly. 
 
 "All right," he said, and shook hands with Miss 
 Kreitmann, who returned his grin with a dazzling 
 smile. 
 
 "Mr. Fried tells me you like to come to work by 
 us as a model. Ain't it?" Abe continued in the ac- 
 cents of the sucking dove. "So, I guess you'd bet- 
 ter go over to Miss Cohen, the bookkeeper, and 
 she'll show you where to put your hat and coat." 
 
 "Oh, I ain't in no hurry," Miss Kreitmann re- 
 plied. "To-morrow morning will do." 
 
 * ' Sure, sure, ' ' Abe murmured. He was somewhat 
 shocked by Miss Kreitmann 's appearance, for while 
 Max Fried 's reservation, "only a little fat," had 
 given him some warning, he was hardly prepared to 
 employ so pronounced an Amazon as Miss Kreit- 
 mann. True, her features, though large, were quite 
 regular, and she had fine black eyes and the luxuri- 
 ous hair that goes with them; but as Abe gazed at 
 the convex lines of her generous figure he could not
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 help wondering what his partner would say when 
 he saw her. 
 
 As a matter of fact, at that precise moment Mor- 
 ris was taking in the entire situation from behind 
 a convenient rack of raincoats, and was mentally 
 designing a new line of samples to be called The 
 P & P System. He figured that he would launch it 
 with a good, live ad in the Daily Cloak and Suit 
 Record, to be headed: Let 'Em All Come. We Can 
 Fit Everybody. Large Sizes a Specialty. 
 
 "Do you think you will like it here?" Abe haz- 
 arded. 
 
 "Oh, sure," Max replied for his sister-in-law. 
 "This ain't the first time she works in a cloak and 
 suit house. She helps me out in the store whenever 
 she comes to Buffalo. In fact, she knows part of 
 your line already, Abe, and the rest she learns pretty 
 quick. ' ' 
 
 "You won't find me slow, Mr. Potash," Miss 
 Kreitmann broke in. "Maybe I ain't such a good 
 model except for large sizes, but I learned to sell 
 cloaks by my brother-in-law and by my uncle, Philip 
 Hahn, before I could talk already. What I want to 
 do now is to meet the trade that comes into the 
 store. ' ' 
 
 "That's what you're going to do," Abe said. "I 
 will introduce you to everybody." 
 
 The thought that this would be, perhaps, the only 
 way to get rid of her lent fervor to his words, and 
 Max shook him warmly by the hand. 
 
 *-Potatk <Sf Perhnutter. 133
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "I'm much obliged," lie said. "Me and Philip 
 Halm will be in sure in a couple of hours, and Gussie 
 comes to work to-morrow morning." 
 
 Once more Abe proffered his hand to his new 
 model, and a moment later the door slammed be- 
 hind them. 
 
 "So, that's the party, is it?" said Morris, emerg- 
 ing from his hiding-place. "What's she looking 
 for a job by us for, Abe? She could make it 
 twicet as much by a circus sideshow or a dime 
 museum. ' ' 
 
 "Philip Hahn will be here in a couple of hours, 
 Mawruss," Abe replied, avoiding the thrust. "I 
 guess he's going to buy a big bill of goods, Maw- 
 russ. ' ' 
 
 "I hope so, Abe, because it needs quite a few big 
 bills to offset the damage a model like this here 
 Miss Kreitmann can do. In fact, Abe," he con- 
 cluded, "I'd be just as well satisfied if Miss Kreit- 
 mann could give us the orders, and we could get 
 Philip Hahn to come to work by us as a model. I 
 ain't never seen him, Abe, but I think he's got a 
 better shape for the line." 
 
 A singular devotion to duty marked every action 
 of Emanuel Gubin, shipping clerk in the wholesale 
 cloak and suit establishment of Potash & Perlmut- 
 ter. That is to say, it had marked every action until 
 the commencement of Miss Kreitmann 's incum- 
 bency. In the very hour that Emanuel first ob- 
 served the luster of her fine black eyes his heart 
 
 134
 
 gave one bound and never more regained its normal 
 gait. 
 
 As for Miss Kreitmann, she saw only a shipping 
 clerk, collarless, coatless and with all the grime of 
 his calling upon him. Two weeks elapsed, however, 
 and one evening, on Lenox Avenue, she encountered 
 Emanuel, freed from the chrysalis of his employ- 
 ment, a natty, lavender-trousered butterfly of fash- 
 ion. Thereafter she called him Mannie, and during 
 business hours she flashed upon him those same 
 black eyes with results disastrous to the shipping 
 end of Potash & Perlmutter's business. 
 
 Packages intended for the afternoon delivery of 
 a local express company arrived in Florida two 
 weeks later, while the irate buyer of a Jersey City 
 store, who impatiently awaited an emergency ship- 
 ment of ten heavy winter garments, received instead 
 half a hundred gossamer wraps designed for the sub- 
 tropical weather of Palm Beach. 
 
 "I don't know what's come over that fellow, 
 Mawruss," Abe said at last. "Formerly he was a 
 crackerjack never made no mistakes nor nothing; 
 and now I dassent trust him at all, Mawruss. Every- 
 thing we ship I got to look after it myself, Maw- 
 russ. We might as well have no shipping clerk at 
 all." 
 
 "You're right, Abe," Morris replied. "He gets 
 carelesser every day. And why, Abe? Because of 
 that Miss Kreitmann. She breaks us all up, Abe. 
 I bet yer if that feller Gubin has took her to the 
 
 135
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 theayter once, Abe, he took her fifty times already. 
 He spends every cent lie makes on her, and the first 
 thing you know, Abe, we'll be missing a couple of 
 pieces of silk from the cutting-room. Ain't it!" 
 
 "He ain't no thief, Mawruss," said Abe, "and, 
 besides, you can't blame a young feller if he gets 
 stuck on a nice girl like Miss Kreitmann, Mawruss. 
 She's a smart girl, Mawruss. Mendel Immerglick, 
 of Immerglick & Frank, was in here yesterday, 
 Mawruss, and she showed him the line, Mawruss, 
 and believe me, Mawruss, Immerglick says to me I 
 couldn't have done it better myself." 
 
 "Huh!" Morris snorted. "A young feller like 
 Immerglick, what buys it of us a couple of hundred 
 dollars at a time, she falls all over herself to please 
 him, Abe. And why? Because Immerglick 's got a 
 fine wwstache and is a swell dresser and he ain't 
 married. But you take it a good customer like 
 Adolph Eothstein, Abe, and what does she do? At 
 first she was all smiles to him, because Adolph is 
 a good-looking feller. But then she hears him tell- 
 ing me a hard-luck story about his wife's operation 
 and how his eldest boy Sammie is now seven already 
 and ain't never been sick in his life, and last month 
 he gets the whooping cough and all six of Adolph 's 
 boys gets it one after the other. Then, Abe, she 
 treats Adolph like a dawg, Abe, and the first thing 
 you know he looks at his watch and says he got an 
 appointment and he'll be back. But he don't come 
 back at all, Abe, and this noontime I seen Leon Sam- 
 
 136
 
 met and Adolph in Wasserbauer's Restaurant. They 
 was eating the regular dinner with chicken, Abe, 
 and I seen Leon pay for it." 
 
 Abe received his partner's harangue in silence. 
 His eyes gazed vacantly at the store door, which 
 had just opened to admit the letter-carrier. 
 
 "Suppose we do lose a couple of hundred dollars 
 trade," he said at length; "one customer like Philip 
 Hahn will make it up ten times, Mawruss." 
 
 "Well, you'll lose him, too, Abe, if you don't look 
 out," said Morris, who had concluded the reading 
 of a typewritten letter with a scrawled postscript. 
 "Just see what he writes us." 
 
 He handed over the missive, which read as fol- 
 lows: 
 
 MESSRS. POTASH & PERLMUTTER. 
 
 Gents: We are requested by Mrs. Kreitmann of your city 
 to ask about a young fellow what works for you by the name 
 o.f Emanuel Gubin. Has he any future, and what is his pros- 
 pects? By doing so you will greatly oblige 
 
 Truly yours. 
 
 THE FLOWER CITY CREDIT OUTFITTING Co. 
 Die. PH/K 
 
 P. S. I don't like such monkey business. I thought you knew 
 it. I don't want no salesman. What is the matter with you 
 anyway ? 
 
 PHILIP HAHK. 
 
 Abe folded up the letter, and his mouth became 
 a straight line of determination under his stubby 
 mustache. 
 
 137
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 "I guess I fix that young feller," he cried, seizing 
 a pen. He wrote: 
 
 FLOWER CITY CREDIT OUTFITTING COMPANY. 
 
 Gents: Your favor of the 14th inst. received and contents 
 noted and in reply would say the young fellow what you inquire 
 about ain't got no future with us and the prospects is he gets 
 fired on Saturday. We trust this is satisfactory. 
 
 Truly yours, 
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER. 
 
 On Saturday afternoon Morris Perlmutter was 
 putting on his hat and coat preparatory to going 
 home. He had just fired Mannie Gubin with a relish 
 and satisfaction second only to what would have 
 been his sensations if the operation had been di- 
 rected toward Miss Kreitmann. As he was about 
 to leave the showroom Abe entered. 
 
 "Oh, Mawruss," Abe cried, "you ought to see 
 Miss Kreitmann. She's all broke up about Mannie 
 Gubin, and she's crying something terrible." 
 
 "Is she?" Morris said, peering over his partner's 
 shoulder at the grief-stricken model, who was giving 
 vent to her emotions in the far corner of the sales- 
 room. "Well, Abe, you tell her to come away from 
 them light goods and cry over the blue satinets. 
 They don't spot so bad." 
 
 Miss Gussie Kreitmann evidently knew how to 
 conceal a secret sorrow, for outwardly she remained 
 unchanged. She continued to scowl at those of her 
 employers' customers who were men of family, and 
 
 138
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 beamed upon the unmarried trade with all the 
 partiality she had displayed during Mannie 
 Gubin's tenure of employment. Indeed, her amia- 
 bility toward the bachelors was if anything 
 intensified, especially in the case of Mendel Immer- 
 glick. 
 
 Many times he had settled lunch checks in two 
 figures, for Miss Kreitmann's appetite was in pro- 
 portion to her size. Moreover, a prominent Broad- 
 way florist was threatening Mendel with suit for 
 flowers supplied Miss Kreitmann at his request. 
 Nor were there lacking other signs, such as the bril- 
 liancy of Mendel's cravats and the careful manicur- 
 ing of his nails, to indicate that he was paying court 
 to Miss Kreitmann. 
 
 "I think, Abe," Morris said finally, "we're due 
 for an inquiry from the Flower City Company about 
 Immerglick & Frank." 
 
 "I hope not, Mawruss," Abe replied. "I never 
 liked them people, Mawruss. In fact, last week 
 Mendel Immerglick struck me for new terms ninety 
 instead of sixty days and he wanted to give me 
 a couple of thousand dollar order. I turned him 
 down cold, Mawruss. People what throw such 
 a bluff like Mendel Immerglick don't give me 
 no confidence, Mawruss. I'm willing to sell 
 him up to five hundred at sixty days, but that's 
 all." 
 
 "Oh, I don't know, Abe," Morris protested. "A 
 couple of bright boys like Mendel Immerglick and 
 
 139
 
 POTASH & PEKLMUTTEE 
 
 Louis Frank can work up a nice business after a 
 while. ' ' 
 
 "Can they?" Abe rejoined. "Well, more likely 
 they work up a nice line of credit, Mawruss, and 
 then, little by little, they make it a big failure, Maw- 
 russ. A feller what curls his mustache like Mendel 
 Immerglick ain't no stranger to auction houses, 
 Mawruss. I bet yer he's got it all figured out right 
 now where he can get advance checks on consign- 
 ments." 
 
 "I think you do the feller an injury, Abe," said 
 Morris. "I think he means well, and besides, Abe, 
 business people is getting so conservative that there 
 ain't no more money in failures." 
 
 "I guess there's enough for Mendel Immerglick," 
 Abe said, and dismissed the subject. 
 
 Two weeks later the anticipated letter arrived in 
 the following form: 
 
 MESSRS. POTASH & PERLMUTTER. 
 
 Gents: Mrs. Kreitmann of your city requests us to ask you 
 about one of your customers by the name of Mr. Mendel Tm- 
 merglick, of Immerglick & Frank. We drew a report on him 
 by both commercial agencies and are fairly well satisfied, but 
 would be obliged if you should make inquiries amongst the 
 trade for us and greatly oblige 
 
 Yours truly, 
 
 THE FLOWER CITY CREDIT OUTFITTING Co. 
 Die. PH/K 
 
 P. S. I hear it this fellow is a good bright young fellow. I 
 will be in N. Y. next month and expect to lay in my spring goods. 
 
 PHILIP HAHN. 
 140
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," Abe said, as he finished read- 
 ing the letter, "I'm sorry to get this letter. I don't 
 know what I could tell it him about this fellow Im- 
 merglick. Now, if it was a responsible concern like 
 Henry Feigenbaum, of the H. F. Cloak Company, 
 it would be different." 
 
 * ' Henry Feigenbaum ! ' ' Morris exclaimed. * * Why, 
 he's only got one eye." 
 
 "I know it, Mawruss," Abe replied, "but he's got 
 six stores, and they're all making out good. But, 
 anyhow, Mawruss, I ain't going to do nothing ri a 
 hurry. I'll make good inquiries before I answer 
 him." 
 
 "What's the use of making inquiries?" Morris 
 protested. "Tell him it's all right. I got enough 
 of this Miss Kreitmann already, Abe. She's killed 
 enough trade for us." 
 
 "What!" Abe cried. "Tell him it's all right, 
 when for all I know Mendel Immerglick is headed 
 straight for the bankruptcy courts, Mawruss. You 
 must be crazy, Mawruss. Ain't Hahn said he's 
 coming down next month to buy his spring goods? 
 What you want to do, Mawruss? Throw three to 
 five thousand dollars in the street, Mawruss?" 
 
 "You talk foolishness, Abe," Morris rejoined. 
 "Once f*. man gets married, his wife's family has 
 got to stand for him. Suppose he does bust up; 
 would that be our fault, Abe? Then Philip Hahn 
 sets him up in business again, and the first thing 
 you know, Abe, we got two customers instead of 
 
 141
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 one. And I bet yer we could get Philip Hahn to 
 guarantee the account yet." 
 
 "Them theories what you got, Mawruss, sounds 
 good, but maybe he busts up before they get mar- 
 lied, and then, Mawruss, we lose Philip Hahn's 
 business and Max Fried 's business, and we are also 
 out a sterling silver engagement present for Miss 
 Kreitmann. Ain't it?" 
 
 He put on his hat and coat and lit a cigar. 
 
 "I guess, Mawruss, I'll go right now," he con- 
 cluded, "and see what I can find out about him." 
 
 In three hours he returned and entered the show- 
 room. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris cried, "what did you find 
 out? Is it all right?" 
 
 Abe carefully selected a fresh cigar and shook his 
 head solemnly. 
 
 "Nix, Mawruss," he said. "Mendel Immer- 
 glick is nix for a nice girl like Miss Kreitmann." 
 
 He took paper out of his waistcoat pocket for 
 the purpose of refreshing his memory. 
 
 "First, I seen Moe Klein, of Klinger & Klein," 
 he went on. "Moe says he seen Mendel Immer- 
 glick, in the back of Wasserbauer's Cafe, playing 
 auction pinochle with a couple of loafer salesmen 
 at three o'clock in the afternoon, and while Moe 
 was standing there already them two low-lives set 
 Immerglick back three times on four hundred hands 
 at a dollar a hundred, double double." 
 
 "And what was Moe doing there?" Morris asked. 
 
 142
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "I wasn't making no investigation of Moe, Maw- 
 russ," Abe replied. "Believe me, I got enough to 
 do to find out about Immerglick. Also, Moe tells 
 me that Immerglick comes into their place and 
 wants to buy off them three thousand dollars at 
 ninety days." 
 
 "And did they sell him?" Morris asked. 
 
 "Did they sett him?" Abe cried. "If you was 
 to meet a burglar coming into the store at midnight 
 with a jimmy and a dark lantern, Mawruss, I sup- 
 pose you'd volunteer to give him the combination 
 of the safe. What? No, Mawruss, they didn't sell 
 him. Such customers is for suckers like Sammet 
 Brothers, Mawruss. Leon Sammet says they sold 
 him three thousand at four months. Also, Elen- 
 bogen sold him a big bill, same terms, Mawruss. 
 But big houses like Wechsel, Baum & Miller and 
 Frederick Stettermann won't sell him at any terms, 
 Mawruss. ' ' 
 
 "If everybody was so conservative like Wechsel, 
 Baum & Miller," said Morris, "the retailers might 
 as well go out of business." 
 
 "Wait a bit, Mawruss," Abe replied. "That 
 ain't all. Louis Frank's wife is a sister to the 
 Traders' and Merchants.' Outlet, of Louisville you 
 know that thief, Marks Leshinsky; and Louis 
 Frank's uncle, Mawruss, is Elkan Frank & Com- 
 pany, them big swindlers, them auctioneers, out in 
 Chicago. ' ' 
 
 Abe sat down and dipped his pen in the inkwell 
 
 143
 
 with such force that the spotless surface of Morris* 
 shirt, which he had donned that morning, assumed 
 a polkadot pattern. It was, therefore, some minutes 
 before Abe could devote himself to his task in si- 
 lence. Finally, he evolved the following: 
 
 THE FLOWER CITY CREDIT OUTFITTING Co. 
 Gents : Your favor of the 16th inst. received and contents noted, 
 and in reply would say our Mr. Potash seen the trade extensively 
 and we are sorry to say it in the strictest confidence that we ain't 
 got no confidence in the party you name. You should on no con- 
 sideration do anything in the matter as all accounts are very 
 bad. We will tell your Mr. Hahn the particulars when he is next 
 in our city. 
 
 Yours truly, 
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER. 
 
 "It ain't no more than he deserves, Mawruss," 
 Abe commented after Morris had read the letter. 
 
 "No," Morris admitted, "but after the way Miss 
 Kreitmann got that feller Gubin in the hole and 
 the way she treated Adolph Rothstein, Abe, it ain't 
 no more than she deserves, neither." 
 
 For several days afterward Miss Kreitmann went 
 about her work with nothing but scowls for Potash 
 & Perlmutter's customers, married and unmarried 
 alike. 
 
 "The thing goes too far, Abe," Morris protested. 
 ' ' She kills our entire trade. Hahn or no Hahn, Abe, 
 I say we should fire her." 
 
 Abe shook his head. "It ain't necessary, Maw- 
 russ, ' ' he replied. 
 
 144
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "What d'ye mean!" 
 
 * * The girl gets desperate, Mawruss. She fires her- 
 self. She told me this morning she don't see no 
 future here, so she's going to leave at the end of the 
 week. She says she will maybe take up trained 
 nursing. She hears it that there are lots of openings 
 for a young woman that way. ' ' 
 
 Morris sat down and fairly beamed with satisfac- 
 tion. 
 
 " That's the best piece of news I hear it in a long 
 time, Abe," he said. ''Now we can do maybe some 
 business. ' ' 
 
 " Maybe we can," Abe admitted. "But not with 
 Philip Hahn." 
 
 "Why not?" Morris cried. "We done our best 
 by him. Ain't we? Through him we lost it a good 
 customer, and we got to let go a good shipping 
 clerk. ' ' 
 
 "Not a good shipping clerk, Mawruss," Abe cor- 
 rected. 
 
 "Well, he was a good one till Miss Kreitmann 
 comes." 
 
 Abe made no reply. He took refuge in the 6ol- 
 umns of the Daily Cloak and Suit Record and per- 
 used the business troubles items. 
 
 "Was it our fault that Immerglick is N. G., Abe?" 
 Morris went on. "Is it " 
 
 "Ho-ly smokes!" Abe broke in, "What d'ye 
 think of that!" 
 
 "What do I think of what?" Morris asked. 
 
 145
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 " Immerglick & Frank," Abe read aloud. "A pe- 
 tition in bankruptcy was this day filed against Im- 
 merglick & Frank, doing business as the 'Vienna 
 Store.' This firm has been a heavy purchaser 
 throughout the trade during the past two months, 
 but when the receiver took possession there remained 
 only a small stock of goods. The receiver has re- 
 tained counsel and will examine Louis Frank under 
 Section 21 A of the Bankruptcy Act. It is under- 
 stood that Mendel Immerglick, the senior partner, 
 sailed for Hamburg last week on the Kaiserin Luisa 
 Victoria and intends to remain in Germany for an 
 indefinite time." 
 
 Abe laid down the paper with a sigh of relief. 
 
 "If that don't make us solid with Philip Hahn, 
 Mawruss," he said, "nothing will." 
 
 Miss Kreitman left at the end of the week, and Abe 
 and Morris wasted no time in vain regrets over her 
 departure, but proceeded at once to assort and make 
 up a new line of samples for Philip Hahn's inspec- 
 tion. For three days they jumped every time a cus- 
 tomer entered the store, and Abe wore a genial smile 
 of such fixity that his face fairly ached. 
 
 At length, on the Thursday following Miss Kreit- 
 mann's resignation, while Abe was flicking an 
 imaginary grain of dust from the spotless array of 
 samples, the store door burst open and a short, stout 
 person entered. Abe looked up and, emitting an ex- 
 clamation, rushed forward with both arms extended 
 in hearty greeting. 
 
 146
 
 ;, POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 "Mister Hahn,' he cried, "how do you do?" 
 
 The newcomer drew himself up haughtily, and his 
 small mustache seemed to shed sparks of indigna- 
 tion. 
 
 Abe stopped short in hurt astonishment. 
 
 "Is th-there a-anything the matter?" he faltered. 
 
 "Is there anything the matter!" Mr. Hahn 
 roared. "Is there anything the matter! That's a 
 fine question for you to ask. ' ' 
 
 "W-w-why?" Abe stuttered. "Ain't everything 
 all right?" 
 
 Mr. Hahn, with an effort that bulged every 
 vein in his bald forehead, subsided into comparative 
 calm. 
 
 "Mr. Potash," he said, "I bought from you six 
 bills of goods in the last few months. Ain't it?" 
 
 Abe nodded. 
 
 "And I never claimed no shortages and never 
 made no kicks nor nothing, but always paid up 
 prompt on the day like a gentleman. Ain't it?" 
 
 Abe nodded again. 
 
 "And this is what I get for it," Mr. Hahn went on 
 bitterly. * l My own niece on my wife 's side, I put her 
 in your care. I ask you to take it an interest in her. 
 You promise me you will do your best. You tell me 
 and Max Fried you will look after her" he hesi- 
 tated, almost overcome by emotion "like a father. 
 You said that when I bought the second bill. And 
 what happens ? The only chance she gets to make a 
 decent match, you write me the feller ain't no good. 
 
 147
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 Naturally, I think you got some sense, and so I busts 
 the affair up." 
 
 "Well," Abe said, "I did write you he wasn't no 
 good, and he wasn't no good, neither. Ain't he just 
 made it a failure?" 
 
 Mr. Hahn grew once more infuriated. 
 
 "A failure!" he yelled. "I should say he did 
 make a failure. What a failure he made! Fool! 
 Donkey! The man got away with a hundred thou- 
 sand dollars and is living like a prince in the old 
 country. And poor Gussie, she loved him, too ! She 
 cries night and day." 
 
 He stopped to wipe a sympathetic tear. 
 
 "She cries pretty easy," Abe said. "She cried 
 when we fired Mannie Gubin, too." 
 
 Hahn bristled again. 
 
 "You insult me. What?" he cried. "You try to 
 get funny with me. Hey? All right. I fix you. 
 So far what I can help it, never no more do you sell 
 me or Max or anybody what is friends of ours a but- 
 ton. Not a button! Y 'understand?" 
 
 He wheeled about and the next moment the store 
 door banged with cannon-like percussion. Morris 
 came from behind a rack of raincoats and tiptoed 
 toward Abe. 
 
 "Well, Abe," he said, "you put your foot in it that 
 time. ' ' 
 
 Abe mopped the perspiration from his brow and 
 bit the end off a cigar. 
 
 "We done business before we had Philip Hahn for 
 
 148
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 a customer, Mawruss," he said, "and I guess we'll 
 do it again. Ain't it?" 
 
 Six months later Abe was scanning the columns of 
 the Daily Cloak and Suit Record while Morris exam- 
 ined the morning mail. 
 
 "Yes, Mawruss," he said at length. "Some peo- 
 ple get only what they deserve. I always said it, 
 some day Philip Hahn will be sorry he treated us the 
 way he did. I bet yer he 's sorry now. ' ' 
 
 "So far what I hear, Abe," Morris replied, "he 
 ain't told us nor nobody else that he 's sorry. In fact, 
 I seen him coming out of Sammet Brothers' yester- 
 day, and he looked at me like he would treat us worser 
 already, if he could. What makes you think he's 
 sorry, Abe?" 
 
 ""Well," Abe went on, "if he ain't sorry he ought 
 to be." 
 
 He handed the Daily Cloak and Suit Record to 
 Morris and indicated the New Business column with 
 his thumb. 
 
 ' ' Rochester, N. Y., ' ' it read. ' Philip Hahn, doing 
 business here as the Flower City Credit Outfitting 
 Company, announces that he has taken into partner- 
 ship Emanuel Gubin, who recently married Mr. 
 Hahn's niece. The business will be conducted under 
 the old firm style. ' ' 
 
 Morris handed back the paper with a smile. 
 
 "I seen Leon Sammet on the subway this morning 
 
 10- Potash & PerlmiUter. 149
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 and lie told me all about it," he commented. "He 
 says Gubin eloped with her." 
 
 Abe shook his head. 
 
 "Yon got it wrong, Mawruss. Yon must be mis- 
 taken," he concluded. "She eloped with Gubin." 
 
 Y 
 
 CHAPTER vrn 
 
 *"\/"OU carry a fine stock, Mr. Sheitlis," Abe 
 Potash exclaimed as he glanced around the 
 well-filled shelves of the Suffolk Credit Out- 
 fitting Company. 
 
 "That ain't all the stock I carry," Mr. Sheitlis, the 
 proprietor, exclaimed. "I got also another stock 
 which I am anxious to dispose of it, Mr. Potash, and 
 you could help me out, maybe." 
 
 Abe smiled with such forced amiability that his 
 mustache was completely engulfed between his nose 
 and his lower lip. 
 
 "I ain't buying no cloaks, Mr. Sheitlis," he said. 
 "I'm selling y em." 
 
 "Not a stock from cloaks, Mr. Potash," Mr. 
 Sheitlis explained; "but a stock from gold and sil- 
 ver." 
 
 "I ain't in the jewelry business, neither," Abe said. 
 
 "That ain't the stock what I mean," Mr. Sheitlis 
 cried. "Wait a bit and I'll show you." 
 
 He went to the safe in his private office and re- 
 turned with a crisp parchment-paper certificate bear- 
 
 150
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 ing in gilt characters the legend, Texas-Nevada Goldl 
 and Silver Mining Corporation. 
 
 "This is what I mean it," he said; "stock from 
 stock exchanges. I paid one dollar a share for this 
 hundred shares." 
 
 Abe took the certificate and gazed at it earnestly 
 with unseeing eyes. Mr. Sheitlis had just purchased 
 a liberal order of cloaks and suits from Potash & 
 Perlmutter, and it was, therefore, a difficult matter 
 for Abe to turn down this stock proposition without 
 offending a good customer. 
 
 "Well, Mr. Sheitlis," he commenced, "me and 
 Mawruss Perlmutter we do business under a copart- 
 nership agreement, and it says we ain't supposed to 
 buy no stocks from stock exchanges, and " 
 
 "I ain't asking you to buy it," Mr. Sheitlis broke 
 in. "I only want you to do me something for a 
 favor. You belong in New York where all them 
 stock brokers is, so I want you should be so kind and 
 take this here stock to one of them stock brokers and 
 see what I can get for it. Maybe I could get a profit 
 for it, and then, of course, I should pay you some- 
 thing for your trouble. " 
 
 "Pay me something!" Abe exclaimed in accents 
 of relief. "Why, Mr. Sheitlis, what an idea! Me 
 and Mawruss would be only too glad, Mr. Sheitlis, 
 to try and sell it for you, and the more we get it for 
 the stock the gladder we would be for your sake. I 
 wouldn't take a penny for selling it if you should 
 make a million out of it. ' '
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "A million I won't make it," Mr, Sheitlis replied, 
 dismissing the subject. "I'll be satisfied if I get ten 
 dollars for it." 
 
 He walked toward the front door of his store with 
 Abe. 
 
 "What is the indications for spring business in the 
 wholesale trade, Mr. Potash," he asked blandly. 
 
 Abe shook his head. 
 
 "It should be good, maybe," he replied; "only, 
 you can't tell nothing about it. Silks is the trouble. " 
 
 "Silks?" Mr. Sheitlis rejoined. "Why, silks 
 makes goods sell high, Mr. Potash. Ain't it? Cer- 
 tainly, I admit it you got to pay more for silk piece 
 goods as for cotton piece goods, but you take the same 
 per cent, profit on the price of the silk as on the price 
 of the cotton, and so you make more in the end. 
 Ain't it?" 
 
 "If silk piece goods is low or middling, Mr. Sheit- 
 lis," Abe replied sadly, "there is a good deal in what 
 you say. But silk is high this year, Mr. Sheitlis, so 
 high you wouldn't believe me if I tell you we got to 
 pay twicet as much this year as three years ago 
 already. ' ' 
 
 Mr. Sheitlis clucked sympathetically. 
 
 "And if we charge the retailer twicet as much for 
 a garment next year what he pays three years ago 
 already, Mr. Sheitlis," Abe went on, "we won't do 
 no business. Ain't it? So we got to cut our profits, 
 and that's the way it goes in the cloak and 
 suit business. You don't know where you are at 
 
 152
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 no more than when you got stocks from stock 
 exchanges.'* 
 
 "Well, Mr. Potash," Sheitlis replied encourag- 
 ingly, "next season is next season, but now is this 
 season, and from the prices what you quoted it me, 
 Mr. Potash, you ain't going to the poorhouse just 
 yet a while." 
 
 "I only hope it that you make more profit on the 
 stock than we make it on the order you just give 
 us," Abe rejoined as he shook his customer's hand 
 in token of farewell. "Good-by, Mr. Sheitlis, and 
 as soon as I get back in New York I'll let you know 
 all about it." 
 
 Two days after Abe's return to New York he sat 
 in Potash & Perlmutter's show-room, going over 
 next year's models as published in the Daily Cloak 
 and Suit Eecord. His partner, Morris Perlmutter, 
 puffed disconsolately at a cigar which a competitor 
 had given him in exchange for credit information. 
 
 "Them cigars what Klinger & Klein hands out," 
 he said to his partner, "has asbestos wrappers and 
 excelsior fillers, I bet yer. I'd as lief smoke a kero- 
 sene lamp." 
 
 "You got your worries, Mawruss," Abe replied. 
 "Just look at them next year's models, Mawruss, 
 and a little thing like cigars wouldn't trouble you at 
 all. Silk, soutache and buttons they got it, Maw- 
 russ. I guess pretty soon them Paris people will be 
 getting out garments trimmed with solitaire dia- 
 monds. ' ' 
 
 153
 
 Morris seized the paper and examined the half- 
 tone cuts with a critical eye. 
 
 "You're right, Abe/' he said. "We'll have our 
 troubles next season, but we take our profit on silk 
 goods, Abe, the same as we do on cotton goods. ' ' 
 
 Abe was about to retort when a wave of recollec- 
 tion came over him, and he clutched wildly at his 
 breast pocket. 
 
 "Ho-ly smokes!" he cried. "I forgot all about 
 it" 
 
 "Forgot all about what?" Morris asked. 
 
 "B. Sheitlis, of the Suffolk Credit Outfitting Com- 
 pany," Abe replied. "He give me a stock in Pitts- 
 burg last week, and I forgot all about it." 
 
 "A stock!" Morris exclaimed. ""What for a 
 stock?" 
 
 "A stock from the stock exchange," Abe replied; 
 "a stock from gold and silver mines. He wanted me 
 I should do it a favor for him and see a stock broker 
 here and sell it for him." 
 
 "Well, that's pretty easy," Morris rejoined. 
 "There's lots of stock brokers in New York, Abe. 
 There's pretty near as many stock brokers as there 
 is suckers, Abe." 
 
 "Maybe there is, Mawruss," Abe replied, "but I 
 don't know any of them." 
 
 "No?" Morris said. "Well, Sol Klinger, of 
 Klinger & Klein, could tell you, I guess. I seen him 
 in the subway tiiis morning, and he was pretty near 
 having a fit over the financial page of the Sun. T 
 
 154
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 asked him if lie seen a failure there, and he says no, 
 but Steel has went up to seventy, maybe it was 
 eighty. So I says to him he should let Andrew Car- 
 negie worry about that, and he says if he would of 
 bought it at forty he would have been in thirty thou- 
 sand dollars already." 
 
 "Who?" Abe asked. "Andrew Carnegie?" 
 
 "No," Morris said; "Sol Klinger. So I says to 
 him I could get all the excitement I wanted out of 
 auction pinochle and he says " 
 
 "S 'enough, Mawruss," Abe broke in. "I heard 
 enough already. I'll ring him up and ask him the 
 name of the broker what does his business." 
 
 He went to the telephone in the back of the store 
 and returned a moment later and put on his hat and 
 coat. 
 
 "I rung up Sol, Mawruss," he said, "and Sol 
 tells me that a good broker is Gunst & Baumer. 
 They got a branch office over Hill, Arkwright & 
 Thompson, the auctioneers, Mawruss. He says a 
 young feller by the name Milton Fiedler is manager, 
 and if he can't sell that stock, Mawruss, Sol says no- 
 body can. So I guess I'll go right over and see him 
 while I got it in my mind. ' ' 
 
 Milton Fiedler had served an arduous apprentice- 
 ship before he attained the position of branch man- 
 ager for Gunst & Baumer in the drygoods district, 
 During the thirty odd years of his life he had been 
 in turn stockboy, clothing salesman, bookmaker's 
 clerk, faro dealer, poolroom cashier and, finally, 
 
 155
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 bucketshop proprietor. When the police closed him 
 up he sought employment with Gunst & Baumer, 
 whose exchange affiliations precluded any suspicion 
 of bucketing, but who, nevertheless, did a thriving 
 business in curb securities of the cat-and-dog variety, 
 and it was in this particular branch of the science of 
 investment and speculation that Milton excelled. 
 Despite his expert knowledge, however, he was 
 slightly stamped, as the vernacular has it, when Abe 
 Potash produced B. Sheitlis' stock, for in all his buck- 
 etshop and curb experience he had never even heard 
 of the Texas-Nevada Gold and Silver Mining Cor- 
 poration. 
 
 "This is one of those smaller mines, Mr. Potash," 
 he explained, "which sometimes get to be ph> 
 nomenal profit-makers. Of course, I can't tell you 
 offhand what the value of the stock is, but I'll make 
 inquiries at once. The inside market at present is 
 very strong, as you know." 
 
 Abe nodded, as he thought was expected of him, 
 although "inside" and "outside" markets were all 
 one to him. 
 
 "And curb securities naturally feel the influence 
 of the bullish sentiment," Fiedler continued. "It 
 isn't the business of a broker to try to influence a cus- 
 tomer's choice, but I'd like you to step outside" 
 they were in the manager 's private office ' ' and look 
 at the quotation board for a moment. Interstate 
 Copper is remarkably active this morning." 
 
 He led Abe into an adjoining room where a tall 
 
 156
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 youth was taking green cardboard numbers from a 
 girdle which he wore, and sticking them on the quota- 
 tion board. 
 
 ''Hello!" Fiedler exclaimed as the youth affixed a 
 new number. " Interstate Copper has advanced a 
 whole point since two days ago. It's now two and an 
 eighth." 
 
 Simultaneously, a young man in the back of the 
 room exclaimed aloud in woeful profanity. 
 
 "What's the matter with him?" Abe asked. 
 
 "They play 'em both ways a-hem!" Fiedler 
 corrected himself in time. ' * Occasionally we have a 
 customer who sells short of the market, and then, of 
 course, if the market goes up he gets stung er he 
 sustains a loss." 
 
 Here the door opened and Sol Klinger entered. 
 His bulging eyes fell on the quotation board, and at 
 once his face spread into a broad smile. 
 
 ' * Hello, Sol ! ' ' Abe cried. * * You look like you sold 
 a big bill of goods. ' ' 
 
 * ' I hope I look better than that, Abe, ' ' Sol replied. 
 "I make it more on that Interstate Copper in two 
 days what I could make it on ten big bills of goods. 
 That's a great property, Abe." 
 
 "I think Mr. Klinger will have reason to congratu- 
 late himself still more by to-morrow, Mr. Potash," 
 Fiedler broke in. ' * Interstate Copper is a stock with 
 an immediate future." 
 
 "You bet," Sol agreed. "I'm going to hold on 
 to mine. It'll go up to five inside of a week." 
 
 157
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 The young man from the rear of the room took the 
 two rows of chairs at a jump. 
 
 "Fiedler,'* he said, "I'm going to cover right 
 away. Buy me a thousand Interstate at the market. ' ' 
 
 Sol nudged Abe, and after the young man and 
 Fiedler had disappeared into the latter 's private 
 office Sol imparted in hoarse whispers to Abe that the 
 young man was reported to have information from 
 the ground-floor crowd about Interstate Copper. 
 
 "Well, if that's so," Abe replied, "why does he 
 lose money on it?" 
 
 "Because," Sol explained, "he's got an idee that 
 if you act just contrariwise to the inside informa- 
 tion what you get it, why then you come out right." 
 
 Abe shook his head hopelessly. 
 
 "Pinochle, I understand it," he said, "and skat a 
 little also. But this here stocks from stock ex- 
 changes is worser than chest what they play it in 
 coffee-houses." 
 
 "You don't need to understand it, Abe," Sol re- 
 plied. "All you do is to buy a thousand Interstate 
 Copper to-day or to-morrow at any price up to two 
 and a half, Abe, and I give you a guarantee 
 that you make twenty-five hundred dollars by next 
 week. ' ' 
 
 When Abe returned to his place of business that 
 day he had developed a typical case of stock- 
 gambling fever, with which he proceeded to inocu- 
 late Morris as soon as the latter came back from 
 lunch. Abe at once recounted all his experiences of 
 
 158
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 the morning and dwelt particularly on the phe- 
 nomenal rise of Interstate Copper. 
 
 ' * Sol says he guarantees that we double our money 
 in a week," he concluded. 
 
 "Did he say he would put it in writing?" Morris 
 asked. 
 
 Abe glared at Morris for an instant. 
 
 " Do you think I am making jokes?" he rejoined. 
 "He don't got to put it in writing, Mawruss. It's as 
 plain as the nose on your face. We pay twenty-five 
 hundred dollars for a thousand shares at two and a 
 half to-day, and next week it goes up to five and we 
 sell it and make it twenty-five hundred dollars. 
 Ain't it?" 
 
 "Who do we sell it to?" Morris asked. 
 
 Abe pondered for a moment, then his face bright- 
 ened up. 
 
 "Why, to the stock exchange, certainly," he re- 
 plied. 
 
 "Must they buy it from us, Abe?" Morris in- 
 quired. 
 
 "Sure they must, Mawruss," Abe said. "Ain't 
 Sol Klinger always selling his stocks to them peo- 
 ple?" 
 
 "Well, Sol Klinger got his customers, Abe, and we 
 got ours," Morris replied doubtfully. "'Maybe 
 them people would buy it from Sol and wouldn't buy 
 it from us." 
 
 For the rest of the afternoon Morris plied Abe 
 with questions about the technicalities of the stock 
 
 159
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 market until Abe took refuge in flight and went 
 home at half -past five. The next morning Morris re- 
 sumed his quiz until Abe's replies grew personal in 
 character. 
 
 "What's the use of trying to explain something to 
 nobody what don't understand nothing?" he ex- 
 claimed. 
 
 "Maybe I don't understand it," Morris admitted, 
 "but also vou don't understand it, too, maybe. 
 Ain't it?" 
 
 "I understand this much, Mawruss," Abe cried 
 "I understand, Mawruss, that if Sol Klinger tells 
 me he guarantees it I make twenty-five hundred dol- 
 lars, and this here Milton Fiedler, too, he also says it, 
 and a young feller actually with my own eyes I see it 
 buys this stock because he's got information from 
 inside people, why shouldn't we buy it and make 
 money on it? Ain't it?" 
 
 Morris was about to reply when the letter carrier 
 entered with the morning mail. Abe took the bundle 
 of envelopes, and on the top of the pile was a 
 missive from Gunst & Baumer. Abe tore open the 
 envelope and looked at the letter hurriedly. "You 
 see, Mawruss," he cried, "already it goes up a six- 
 teenth." He handed the letter to Morris. It read 
 as follows: 
 
 Gentlemen : 
 
 For your information we beg to advise you that Interstate 
 Copper advanced a sixteenth at the close of the market yester- 
 day. Should you desire us to execute a buying order in these 
 
 160
 
 securities, we urge you to let us know before ten o'clock to-mor- 
 row morning, as we believe that a sharp advance will follow the 
 opening of the market. 
 
 Truly yours, 
 
 GUNST & BAUMEB, 
 
 Milton Fiedler, Mgr. 
 
 "Well," Abe said, "what do you think, Maw- 
 russ?" 
 
 "Think!" Morris cried. "Why, I think that he 
 ain't said nothing to us about them gold and silver 
 stocks of B. Sheitlis', Abe, so I guess he ain't sold 
 'em yet. If he can't sell a stock from gold and silver 
 already, Abe, what show do we stand with a stock 
 from copper?" 
 
 "That Sheitlis stock is only a small item, Maw- 
 russ. ' ' 
 
 "Well, maybe it is," Morris admitted, "but just 
 you ring up and ask him. Then, if we find that he 
 sold that gold and silver stock we take a chance on 
 the copper." 
 
 Abe hastened to the telephone in the rear of the 
 store. 
 
 "Listen, Abe," Morris called after him, "tell him 
 it should be no dating or discount, strictly net cash. ' ' 
 
 In less than a minute, Abe was conversing with 
 Fiedler. 
 
 "Mr. Fiedler!" he said. "Hello, Mr. Fiedler! 
 Is this you! Yes. Well, me and Mawruss is about 
 decided to buy a thousand of them stocks what you 
 showed me down at your store at your office yester- 
 
 161
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER. 
 
 day, only, Mawruss says, why should we buy them 
 goods them stocks if you ain't sold that other stocks 
 already. First, he says, you should sell them stocks 
 from gold and silver, Mr. Fiedler, and then we buy 
 them copper ones." 
 
 Mr. Fiedler, at the other end of the 'phone, hesi- 
 tated before replying. The Texas-Nevada Gold and 
 Silver Mining Corporation was a paper mine that 
 had long since faded from the memory of every 
 bucketshop manager he knew, and its stock was worth 
 absolutely nothing. Yet Gunst & Baumer, as the 
 promoters of Interstate Copper, would clear at least 
 two thousand dollars by the sale of the stock to Abe 
 and Morris ; hence, Fiedler took a gambler 's chance. 
 
 ""Why, Mr. Potash," he said, "a boy is already on 
 the way to your store with a check for that very 
 stock. I sold it for three hundred dollars and I sent 
 you a check for two hundred and seventy-five dol- 
 lars. Twenty-five dollars is our usual charge for 
 selling a hundred shares of stock that ain't quoted 
 on the curb." 
 
 "Much obliged, Mr. Fiedler," Abe said. "I'll be 
 down there with a check for twenty-five hundred. ' ' 
 
 "All right," Mr. Fiedler replied. "I'll go ahead 
 and buy the stock for your account. ' ' 
 
 "Well," Abe said, "don't do that until I come 
 down. I got to fix it up with my partner first, Mr. 
 Fiedler, and just as soon as I can get there I'll bring 
 you the check." 
 
 Twenty minutes after Abe had rung off a messen- 
 
 162
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 ger arrived with a check for two hundred and 
 seventy-five dollars, and Morris included it in the 
 morning deposits which he was about to send over to 
 the Kosciusko Bank. 
 
 " While you're doing that, Mawruss," Abe said, 
 "you might as well draw a check for twenty-five hun- 
 dred dollars for that stock." 
 
 Morris grunted. 
 
 "That's going to bring down our balance a whole 
 lot, Abe," he said. 
 
 * ' Only for a week, Mawruss, ' ' Abe corrected, ' * and 
 then we'll sell it again." 
 
 "Whose order do I write it to, Abe?" Morris in- 
 quired. 
 
 "I forgot to ask that," Abe replied. 
 
 "Gunst & Baumer?" Morris asked. 
 
 "They ain't the owners of it, Mawruss," said Abe. 
 "They're only the brokers." 
 
 "Maybe Sol Klinger is selling it to the stock- 
 exchange people and they're selling it to us," Mor- 
 ris suggested. 
 
 "Sol Klinger ain't going to sell his. He's going 
 to hang on to it. Maybe it's this young feller what 
 I see there, Mawruss, only I don 't know his name. ' ' 
 
 "Well, then, I'll make it out to Potash & Perlmut- 
 ter, and you can indorse it when you get there, ' ' said 
 Morris. 
 
 At this juncture a customer entered, and Abe took 
 him into the show-room, while Morris wrote out the 
 check. For almost an hour and a half Abe displayed 
 
 163
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 the firm's line, from which the customer selected a 
 generous order, and when at last Abe was free to go 
 down to Gunst & Baumer's it was nearly twelve 
 o'clock. He put on his hat and coat, and jumped 
 on a passing car, and it was not until he had traveled 
 two blocks that he remembered the check. He ran 
 all the way back to the store and, tearing the check 
 out of the checkbook where Morris had left it, he 
 dashed out again and once more boarded a Broad- 
 way car. In front of Gunst & Baumer's offices he 
 leaped wildly from the car to the street, and, escap- 
 ing an imminent fire engine and a hosecart, he ran 
 into the doorway and took the stairs three at a jump. 
 
 On the second floor of the building was Hill, Ark- 
 wright & Thompson's salesroom, where a trade sale 
 was in progress, and the throng of buyers collected 
 there overflowed onto the landing, but Abe elbowed 
 his way through the crowd and made the last flight in 
 two seconds. 
 
 "Is Mr. Fiedler in?" he gasped as he burst into 
 the manager's office of Gunst & Baumer's suite. 
 
 * ' Mr. Fiedler went out to lunch, ' ' the office-boy re- 
 plied. "He says you should sit down and wait, and 
 he '11 be back in ten minutes. ' ' 
 
 But Abe was too nervous for sitting down, and the 
 thought of the customers' room with its quotation 
 board only agitated him the more. 
 
 "I guess I'll go downstairs to Hill, Arkwright & 
 Thompson 's, ' ' he said, * ' and give a look around. I '11 
 be back in ten minutes. " 
 
 164
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 He descended the stairs leisurely and again 
 elbowed his way through the crowd into the sales- 
 room of Hill, Arkwright & Thompson. Mr. Ark- 
 wright was on the rostrum, and as Abe entered he 
 was announcing the next lot. 
 
 "Look at them carefully, gentlemen," he said. 
 "An opportunity like this seldom arises. They are 
 all fresh goods, woven this season for next season's 
 business foulard silks of exceptionally good design 
 and quality." 
 
 At the word silks Abe started and made at once for 
 the tables on which the goods were piled. He ex- 
 amined them critically, and as he did so his mind re- 
 verted to the half-tone cuts in the Daily Cloak and 
 Suit Record. Here was a rare chance to lay in a 
 stock of piece goods that might not recur for several 
 years, certainly not before next season had passed. 
 
 "It's to close an estate, gentlemen," Mr. Ark- 
 wright continued. ' ' The proprietor of the mills died 
 recently, and his executors have decided to wind up 
 the business. All these silk foulards will be offered 
 as one lot. "What is the bid!" 
 
 Immediately competition became fast and furious, 
 and Abe entered into it with a zest and excitement 
 that completely eclipsed all thought of stock ex- 
 changes or copper shares. The bids rose by leaps 
 and bounds, and when, half an hour later, Abe 
 emerged from the fray his collar was melted to the 
 consistency of a pocket handkerchief, but the light of 
 victory shone through his perspiration. He was the 
 
 CX Potash & Perlmutttr. 165
 
 purchaser of the entire lot, and by token of 
 his ownership he indorsed the twenty-five-hundred- 
 dollar check to the order of Hill, Arkwright & 
 Thompson. 
 
 The glow of battle continued with Abe until he 
 reached the show-room of his own place of business 
 at two o'clock. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris cried, "did you buy the 
 stock?" 
 
 "Huh?" Abe exclaimed, and then, for the first 
 time since he saw the silk foulards, he remembered 
 Interstate Copper. 
 
 "I was to Wasserbauer's Restaurant for lunch," 
 Morris continued, ' * and in the cafe I seen that thing 
 what the baseball comes out of it, Abe." 
 
 "The tickler," Abe croaked. 
 
 "That's it," Morris went on. "Also, Sol Klinger 
 was looking at it, and he told me Interstate Copper 
 was up to three already." 
 
 Abe sat down in a chair and passed his hand over 
 his forehead. 
 
 "That's the one time when you give it us good ad- 
 vice, Abe, ' ' said Morris. ' l Sol says we may make it 
 three thousand dollars yet." 
 
 Abe nodded. He licked his dry lips and essayed 
 to speak, but the words of confession would not 
 come. 
 
 "It was a lucky day for us, Abe, when you seen 
 B. Sheitlis," Morris continued. "Of course, I ain't 
 saying it was all luck, Abe, because it wasn't. If you
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 hadn't seen the opportunity, Abe, and practically 
 made me go into it, I wouldn't of done nothing, 
 Abe." 
 
 Abe nodded again. If the guilt he felt inwardly 
 had expressed itself in his face there would have been 
 no need of confession. At length he braced himself 
 to tell it all ; but just as he cleared his throat by way 
 of prelude Morris was summoned to the cutting-room 
 and remained there until closing-time. Thus, when 
 Abe went home his secret remained locked up within 
 his breast, nor did he find it a comfortable burden, 
 for when he looked at the quotations of curb securi- 
 ties in the evening paper he found that Interstate Cop- 
 per had closed at four and a half, after a total day's 
 business of sixty thousand shares. 
 
 The next morning Abe reached his store more than 
 two hours after his usual hour. He had rolled on his 
 pillow all night, and it was almost day before he could 
 sleep. 
 
 "Why, Abe," Morris cried when he saw him, 
 "you look sick. What's the matter?" 
 
 "I feel mean, Mawruss," Abe replied. "I guess I 
 eat something what disagrees with me." 
 
 Ordinarily, Morris would have made rejoinder to 
 the effect that when a man reached Abe's age he 
 ought to know enough to take care of his stomach; 
 but Morris had devoted himself to the financial col- 
 umn of a morning newspaper on his way downtown, 
 and his feelings toward his partner were mollified in 
 proportion. 
 
 IflT
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 ' ' That 'a too bad, Abe, ' ' he said. ' ' Why don 't yon 
 see a doctor?" 
 
 Abe shook his head and was about to reply when 
 the telephone bell rang. 
 
 "That's Sol Klinger," Morris exclaimed. "He 
 said he would let me know at ten o'clock what this 
 Interstate Copper opened at." 
 
 He darted for the telephone in the rear of the store, 
 and when he returned his face was wreathed in 
 smiles. 
 
 "It has come up to five already," he cried. "We 
 make it twenty-five hundred dollars." 
 
 While Morris was talking over the 'phone Abe 
 had been trying to bring his courage to the stick- 
 ing point, and the confession was on the very tip 
 of his tongue when the news which Morris brought 
 forced it back again. He rose wearily to his feet. 
 
 "I guess you think we're getting rich quick, 
 Mawruss," he said, and repaired to the book- 
 keeper's desk in the firm's private office. For the 
 next two hours and a half he dodged about, with 
 one eye on Morris and the other on the rear en- 
 trance to the store. He expected the silk to arrive 
 at any moment, and he knew that when it did the 
 jig would be up. It was with a sigh of relief that 
 he saw Morris go out to lunch at half-past twelve, 
 and almost immediately afterward Hill, Arkwright 
 & Thompson's truckman arrived with the good:;. 
 Abe superintended the disposal of the packing 
 cases in the cutting-room, and he was engaged in 
 
 168
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 opening them when Miss Cohen, the bookkeeper, 
 entered. 
 
 "Mr. Potash," she said, "Mr. Perlmutter wants 
 to see you in the show-room." 
 
 "Did he come back from lunch so soon?" Abe 
 asked. 
 
 "He came in right after he went out," she re- 
 plied. "I guess he must be sick. He looks sick." 
 
 Abe turned pale. 
 
 "I guess he found it out," he said to himself as 
 he descended the stairs and made for the show- 
 room. When he entered he found Morris seated in 
 a chair with the first edition of an evening paper 
 clutched in his hand. 
 
 "What's the matter, Mawruss?" Abe said. 
 
 Morris gulped once or twice and made a feeble 
 attempt to brandish the paper. 
 
 "Matter?" he croaked. "Nothing's the matter. 
 Only, we are out twenty-five hundred dollars. 
 That's all." 
 
 "No, we ain't, Mawruss," Abe protested. "What 
 we are out in one way we make in another." 
 
 Morris sought to control himself, but his pent-up 
 emotions gave themselves vent. 
 
 "We do, hey?" he roared. "Well, maybe you 
 think because I took your fool advice this oncet that 
 I'll do it again?" 
 
 He grew red in the face. 
 
 "Gambler!" he yelled. "Fool! You shed my 
 blood! What? You want to ruin me! Hey?" 
 
 169
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEE 
 
 Abe had expected a tirade, but nothing half as 
 violent as this. 
 
 "Mawruss," he said soothingly, "don't take it 
 so particular." 
 
 He might as well have tried to stem Niagara with 
 a shovel. 
 
 "Ain't the cloak and suit business good enough 
 for you?" Morris went on. "Must you go throw- 
 ing away money on stocks from stock exchanges'?" 
 
 Abe scratched his head. These rhetorical ques- 
 tions hardly fitted the situation, especially the one 
 about throwing away money. 
 
 "Look-y here, Mawruss," he said, "if you think 
 you scare me by this theayter acting you're mis- 
 taken. Just calm yourself, Mawruss, and tell me 
 what you heard it. I ain't heard nothing." 
 
 For answer Morris handed him the evening paper. 
 
 "Sensational Failure in Wall Street," was the 
 red-letter legend on the front page. With bulging 
 eyes Abe took in the import of the leaded type which 
 disclosed the news that Gunst & Baumer, promoters 
 of Interstate Copper, having boosted its price to 
 five, were overwhelmed by a flood of profit-taking. 
 To support their stock Gunst & Baumer were obliged 
 to buy in all the Interstate offered at five, and when 
 at length their resources gave out they announced 
 their suspension. Interstate immediately collapsed 
 and sold down in less than a quarter of an hour from 
 five bid, five and a thirty-second asked, to a quarter 
 bid, three-eighths asked. 
 
 170
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 Abe handed back the paper to Morris and lit 
 cigar. 
 
 "For a man what has just played his partner for 
 a sucker, Abe," Morris said, "you take it nice and 
 quiet. ' ' 
 
 Abe puffed slowly before replying. 
 
 "After all, Mawruss," he said, "I was right." 
 
 "You was right?" Morris exclaimed. "What 
 d'ye mean?" 
 
 "I mean, Mawruss," Abe went on, "I figured it 
 out right. I says to myself when I got that check 
 for twenty-five hundred dollars: If I buy this here 
 stock from stock exchanges and we make money 
 Mawruss will go pretty near crazy. He'll want to 
 buy it the whole stock exchange full from stocks, 
 and in the end it will bust us. On the other hand, 
 Mawruss, I figured it out that if we bought this 
 here stock and lose money on it, then Mawruss 11 go 
 crazy also, and want to murder me or something." 
 
 He paused and puffed again at his cigar. 
 
 "So, Mawruss," he concluded, "I went down to 
 Gunst & Baumer's building, Mawruss; but instead 
 of going to Gunst & Baumer, Mawruss, I went one 
 flight lower down to Hill, Arkwright & Thompson's, 
 Mawruss, and I didn't buy it Interstate Cop- 
 per, Mawruss, but I bought it instead silk foulards. 
 Mawruss seventy-five hundred dollars' worth for 
 twenty-five hundred dollars, and it's laying right 
 now up in the cutting-room." 
 
 He leaned back in his chair and triumphantly 
 
 171 
 
 N
 
 POTASH & PEKLMUTTER 
 
 'surveyed his partner, who had collapsed Into a 
 crushed and perspiring heap. 
 
 "So, Mawruss," he said, "I am a gambler. Hey? 
 I shed your blood? "What? I ruin you with my 
 fool advice? Ain't it?" 
 
 Morris raised a protesting hand. 
 
 "Abe," he murmured huskily, "I done you an 
 injury. It's me what's the fool. I was carried 
 away by B. Sheitlis' making his money so easy." 
 
 Abe jumped to his feet. 
 
 "Ho-ly smokes!" he cried and dashed out of the 
 showroom to the telephone in the rear of the 
 store. He returned a moment later with his cigar 
 at a rakish angle to his jutting lower lip. 
 
 "It's all right, Mawruss," he said. "I rung up 
 the Kosciusko Bank and the two-hundred-and- 
 seventy-five-dollar check went through all right." 
 
 "Sure it did," Morris replied, his drooping spirits 
 once more revived. * ' I deposited it at eleven o 'clock 
 yesterday morning. I don't take no chances on get- 
 ting stuck, Abe, and I only hope you didn't get 
 stuck on them foulards, neither." 
 
 Abe grinned broadly. 
 
 "You needn't worry about that, Mawruss," he 
 replied. "Stocks from stock exchanges maybe I 
 don't know it, Mawruss; but stocks from silk fou- 
 lards I do know it, Mawruss, and don't you forget 
 it." 
 
 172
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 CHAPTEE IX 
 
 SOL KLINGEE must think he ain't taking 
 chances enough in these here stocks, Maw- 
 russ," Abe Potash remarked a week after 
 Ihe slump in Interstate Copper. "He got to hire a 
 drummer by the name Walsh yet. That feller's 
 idee of entertaining a customer is to go into Was- 
 serbauer's and to drink all the schnapps in stock. 
 I bet yer when Walsh gets through, he don't know 
 which is the customer and which is the bartender 
 already. ' ' 
 
 "You got to treat a customer right, Abe," Morris 
 commented, "because nowadays we are up against 
 some stiff competition. You take this here new con- 
 cern, Abe, the Small Drygoods Company of Walla 
 Walla, Washington, Abe, and Klinger & Klein 
 ain't lost no time. Sol tells me this morning that 
 them Small people start in with a hundred thou- 
 sand capital all paid in. Sol says also their buyer 
 James Burke which they send it East comes from 
 the same place in the old country as this here Frank 
 Walsh, and I guess we got to hustle if we want 
 to get his trade, ain't it?" 
 
 "Because a customer is a Landsmann of mine, 
 Mawruss," Abe replied, "ain't no reason why I 
 shall sell him goods, Mawruss. If I could sell all 
 my Landsleute what is in the cloak and suit busi- 
 
 173
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 ness, Mawruss, we would be doing a million-dollar 
 business a month, ain't it?" 
 
 At this juncture Morris drew on his imagination. 
 "I hear it also, Abe," he hinted darkly, "that this 
 here James Burke, what the Small Drygoods Com- 
 pany sends East, is related by marriage to this here 
 Walsh's wife." 
 
 "Wives' relations is nix, Mawruss," Abe replied. 
 "I got enough with wives' relations. When me and 
 my Rosie gets married her mother was old man 
 Smolinski's a widow. He made an honest failure of 
 it in the customer peddler business in eighteen eighty- 
 five, and the lodge money was pretty near gone when 
 I got into the family. Then my wife's mother gives 
 my wife's brother, Scheuer Smolinski, ten dollars to 
 go out and buy some schnapps for the wedding, and 
 that's the last we see of him, Mawruss. But Rosie 
 and me gets married, anyhow, and takes the old 
 lady to live with us, and the first thing you know, 
 Mawruss, she gets sick on us and dies, with a pro- 
 fessor and two trained nurses at my expense, and 
 that's the way it goes, Mawruss." 
 
 He rose to his feet and helped himself to a cigar 
 from the L to N first and second credit customers' 
 box. 
 
 "No, Mawruss," he concluded, "if you can't sell 
 a man goods on their merits, Mawruss, you'll never 
 get him to take them because your wife is related 
 by marriage to his wife. Ain't it? We got a good 
 line. Mawruss, and we stand a show to sell our 
 
 174
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 goods without no theayters nor dinners nor noth- 
 ing." 
 
 Morris shrugged his shoulders. "All right, Abe," 
 he said, "you can do what you like about it, but I 
 already bought it two tickets for Saturday night." 
 
 "Of course, if you like to go to shows, Mawruss," 
 Abe declared as he rose to his feet, "I can't stop 
 you. Only one thing I got to say it, Mawruss if 
 you think you should charge that up to the firm's 
 expense account, all I got to say is you're mistaken, 
 that's all." 
 
 Abe strode out of the show-room before a retort 
 could formulate itself, so Morris struggled into his 
 overcoat instead and made for the store door. As 
 he reached it his eye fell on the clock over Wasser- 
 bauer's Cafe on the other side of the street. The 
 hands pointed to two o'clock, and he broke into a 
 run, for the Southwestern Flyer which bore the per- 
 son of James Burke was due at the Grand Central 
 Station at two-ten. Fifteen minutes later Morris 
 darted out of the subway exit at Forty-second Street 
 and imminently avoided being run down by a han- 
 som. Indeed, the vehicle came to a halt so suddenly 
 that the horse reared on its haunches, while a flood 
 of profanity from the driver testified to the near- 
 ness of Morris' escape. Far from being grateful, 
 however, Morris paused on the curb and was about 
 to retaliate in kind when one of the two male oc- 
 cupants of the hansom leaned forward and poked a 
 derisive finger at him. 
 
 175
 
 "What's the hurry, Morris!" said the passenger. 
 
 Morris looked up and gasped, for in that fleeting 
 moment he recognized his tormentor. It was Frank 
 "Walsh, and although Morris saw only the features 
 of his competitor it needed no Sherlock Holmes to 
 deduce that Frank's fellow-passenger was none 
 other than James Burke, buyer for the Small Dry- 
 goods Company. 
 
 Two hours later he returned to the store, for he 
 had seized the opportunity of visiting some of the 
 firm's retail trade while uptown, and when he came 
 in he found Abe sorting a pile of misses ' reefers. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," Abe cried, "you look worried." 
 
 "I bet you I'm worried, Abe," he said. "You 
 and your wife's relations done it. Two thousand 
 dollars thrown away in the street. I got to the 
 Grand Central Station just in time to get there too 
 late, Abo. This here Walsh was ahead of me al- 
 ready, and he took Burke away in a hansom. When 
 I come out of the subway they pretty near run over 
 me, Abe." 
 
 "A competitor will do anything, Mawruss," Abe 
 said sympathetically. "But don't you worry. 
 There's just as big fish swimming in the sea as 
 what they sell by fish markets, Mawruss. Bigger 
 even. We ain't going to fail yet a while just be- 
 cause we lose the Small Drygoods Company for a 
 customer." 
 
 "We ain't lost 'em yet, Abe," Morris rejoined, 
 and without taking off his coat he repaired to Was- 
 
 176
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 serbauer's Restaurant and Cafe for a belated 
 lunch. As he entered he encountered Frank 
 Walsh, who had been congratulating himself at the 
 bar. 
 
 "Hello, Morris," he cried. "I cut you out, didn't 
 I?" 
 
 "You cut me out?" Morris replied stiffly. "I 
 don't know what you mean." 
 
 "Of course you don't," Walsh broke in heartily. 
 *'I suppose you was hustling to the Grand Central 
 Station just because you wanted to watch the en- 
 gines. Well, I won't crow over you, Morris. Bet- 
 ter luck next time!" 
 
 His words fell on unheeding ears, for Morris was 
 busily engaged in looking around him. He sought 
 features that might possibly belong to James Burke, 
 but Frank seemed to be the only representative of 
 the Emerald Isle present, and Morris proceeded to 
 the restaurant in the rear. 
 
 "I suppose he turned him over to Klinger," he 
 said to himself, while from the vantage of his table 
 he saw Frank Walsh buy cigars and pass out into 
 the street in company with another drummer not of 
 Irish extraction. 
 
 He finished his lunch without appetite, and when 
 he reentered the store Abe walked forward to greet 
 him. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," he said, "I seen Sol Klinger 
 coming down the street a few minutes ago, so I 
 kinder naturally just stood out on the sidewalk till 
 
 177
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 he comes past, Mawmss. I saw he ain't looking 
 any too pleased, so I asked him what's the trouble; 
 and he says, nothing, only that Frank Walsh, what 
 they got it for a drummer, eats 'em up with ex- 
 penses. So I says, How so ? And he says, this here 
 Walsh has a customer by the name of Burke come 
 to town, and the first thing you know, he spends it 
 three dollars for a cab for Burke, and five dollars 
 for lunch for Burke, and also ten dollars for two 
 tickets for a show for Burke, before this here Burke 
 is in town two hours already. Klinger looked pretty 
 sore about it, Mawruss." 
 
 "What show is he taking Burke to?" Morris 
 asked. 
 
 "It ain't a show exactly," Abe replied hastily; 
 "it's a prize-fight." 
 
 "A fight!" Morris cried. "That's an idea, ain't 
 it? to take a customer to a fight." 
 
 "I know it, Mawruss," Abe rejoined, "but you got 
 to remember that the customer 's name is also Burke. 
 What for a show did you buy it tickets for 1 ' ' 
 
 Morris blushed. " Trawy-ayter, " he murmured. 
 
 "Trawy-ayter!" Abe replied. "Why, that's an 
 opera, ain't it!" 
 
 Morris nodded. He had intended to combine busi- 
 ness with pleasure by taking Burke to hear Tetraz- 
 zini. 
 
 "Well, you got your idees, too, Mawruss," Abe 
 continued; "and I don't know that they're much bet 
 ter as this here Walsh's idees." 
 
 178
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Ain't they, Abe?" Morris replied. "Well, 
 maybe they ain't, Abe. But just because I got a 
 loafer for a customer ain't no reason why I should 
 be a loafer myself, Abe." 
 
 "Must you take a customer to a show, Mawruss?" 
 Abe rejoined. "Is there a law compelling it, Maw- 
 russ f ' ' 
 
 Morris shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 "Anyhow, Abe," he said, "I don't see that you got 
 any kick coming, because I'm going to give them 
 tickets to you and Rosie, Abe, and youse two can take 
 in the show." 
 
 "And where are you going, Mawruss?" 
 
 "Me?" Morris replied. "I'm going to a prize- 
 fighting, Abe. I don't give up so easy as all that." 
 
 On his way home that night Morris consulted an 
 evening paper, and when he turned to the sporting 
 page he found the upper halves of seven columns 
 effaced by a huge illustration executed in the best 
 style of Jig, the Sporting Cartoonist. In the left- 
 hand corner crouched Slogger Atkins, the English 
 lightweight, while opposite to him in the right-hand 
 corner stood Young Kilrain, poised in an attitude of 
 defense. Underneath was the legend, "The Con- 
 testants in Tomorrow Night's Battle." By refer- 
 ence to Jig's column Morris ascertained that the 
 scene of the fight would be at the Polygon Club's 
 new arena in the vicinity of Harlem Bridge, and at 
 half past eight Saturday night he alighted from a 
 Third Avenue L train at One Hundred and Twenty- 
 
 ir*
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 ninth Street and followed the crowd that poured over 
 the bridge. 
 
 It was nine o'clock before Morris gained admission 
 to the huge frame structure that housed the arena of 
 the Polygon Club. Having just paid five dollars as 
 a condition precedent to membership in good stand- 
 ing, he took his seat amid a dense fog of tobacco 
 smoke and peered around him for Frank Walsh and 
 his customer. At length he discerned Walsh's stal- 
 wart figure at the right hand of a veritable giant, 
 whose square jaw and tip-tilted nose would have pro- 
 claimed the customer, even though Walsh had not 
 assiduously plied him with cigars and engaged him 
 continually in animated conversation. They were 
 seated well down toward the ring, while Morris found 
 a place directly opposite them and watched their 
 every movement. When they laughed Morris 
 scowled, and once when the big man slapped his 
 thigh in uproarious appreciation of one of Walsh's 
 stories Morris fairly turned green with envy. 
 
 Morris watched with a jaundiced eye the manner 
 in which Frank Walsh radiated good humor. Not 
 only did Walsh hand out cigars to the big man, but 
 also he proffered them to the person who sat next to 
 him on the other side. This man Morris recognized 
 as the drummer who had been in Wasserbauer 's with 
 Frank on the previous day. 
 
 " Letting him in on it, too," Morris said to himself. 
 "What show do I stand?" 
 
 The first of the preliminary bouts began. The 
 
 180
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 combatants were announced as Pig Flanagan and 
 Tom Evans, the Welsh coal-miner. It seemed to 
 Morris that he had seen Evans somewhere before, 
 but as this was his initiation into the realms of pugil- 
 ism he concluded that it was merely a chance resem- 
 blance and dismissed the matter from his mind. 
 
 The opening bout more than realized Morris ' con- 
 ception of the sport's brutality, for Pig Flanagan was 
 what the cognoscenti call a good bleeder, and during 
 the first second of the fight he fulfilled his reputation 
 at the instance of a light tap from his opponent's left. 
 There are some people who cannot stand the sight 
 of blood ; Morris was one of them, and the drummer 
 on Frank Walsh's right was another. Both he and 
 Morris turned pale, but the big man on Walsh's left 
 roared his approbation. 
 
 "Eat him up!" he bellowed, and at every fresh 
 hemorrhage from Mr. Flanagan he rocked and 
 swayed in an ecstasy of enjoyment. For three crim- 
 son rounds Pig Flanagan and Tom Evans continued 
 their contest, but even a good bleeder must run dry 
 eventually, and in the first half of the fourth round 
 Pig took the count. 
 
 By this time the arena was swimming in Morris ' 
 nauseated vision, while, as for the drummer on 
 Frank's right, he closed his eyes and wiped a clammy 
 perspiration from his forehead. The club meeting 
 proceeded, however, despite the stomachs of its 
 weaker members, and the next bout commenced with 
 a rush. It was advertised in advance by Morris ' 
 
 13 Potash & Perlmulter. 181
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 neighboring seatholders as a scientific contest, but in 
 pugilism, as in surgery, science is often gory. In 
 this instance a scientific white man hit a colored 
 savant squarely on the nose, with the inevitable san- 
 guinary result, and as though by a prearranged sig- 
 nal Morris and the drummer on Walsh's right started 
 for the door. In vain did Walsh seize his neighbor 
 by the coat-tail. The latter shook himself loose, and 
 he and Morris reached the sidewalk together. 
 
 "T'phooie!" said the drummer. "That's an 
 amusement for five dollars." 
 
 Morris wiped his face and gasped like a landed 
 fish. At length he recovered his composure. "I 
 seen you sitting next to Walsh, ' ' he said. 
 
 The drummer nodded. "He didn't want me to 
 go," he replied. "He said we come together and we 
 should go together, but I told him I would wait for 
 him till it was over. Him and that other fellow seem 
 to enjoy it." 
 
 "Some people has got funny idees of a good 
 time," Morris commented. 
 
 "That's an idee for a loafer," said the drummer. 
 "For my part I like it more refined." 
 
 "I believe you," Morris replied. "Might you 
 would come and take a cup of coffee with me, 
 maybe?" 
 
 He indicated a bathbrick dairy restaurant on the 
 opposite side of the street. 
 
 "Much obliged," the drummer replied, "but I got 
 to go out of town to-morrow, and coffee keeps me 
 
 182
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 awake. I think I '11 wait here for about half an hour, 
 and if Walsh and his friends don't come out by then 
 I guess I'll go home." 
 
 Morris hesitated. A sense of duty demanded that 
 he stay and see the matter through, since his newly- 
 made acquaintance with the tertium quid of Walsh's 
 little party might lead to an introduction to the big 
 man, and for the rest Morris trusted to his own sales- 
 manship. But the drummer settled the matter for 
 him. 
 
 "On second thought," he said, "I guess I won't 
 wait. Why should I bother with a couple like them ? 
 If you're going downtown on the L I'll go with you." 
 
 Together they walked to the Manhattan terminal 
 of the Third Avenue road and discussed the features 
 of the disgusting spectacle they had just witnessed. 
 In going over its details they found sufficient conver- 
 sation to cover the journey to One Hundred and Six- 
 teenth Street, where Morris alighted. When he de- 
 scended to the street it occurred to him for the first 
 time that he had omitted to learn both the name and 
 line of business of his new-found friend. 
 
 In the meantime Frank Walsh and his companion 
 watched the white scientist and the colored savant 
 conclude their exhibition and cheered themselves 
 hoarse over the piece de resistance which followed 
 immediately. At length Slogger Atkins disposed of 
 Young Kilrain with a well-directed punch in the solar 
 plexus, and Walsh and his companion rose to go. 
 
 "What become of yer friend?" the big man asked.
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 "He had to go out, Jim," Frank replied. "He 
 couldn't stand the sight of the blood." 
 
 "Is that so?" the big man commented. "It beats 
 all, the queer ideas some people has." 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," Abe cried as he greeted his 
 partner on Monday morning, "how did it went!" 
 
 "How did what went?" Morris asked. 
 
 "The prize-fighting." 
 
 Morris shook his head. "Not for all the cloak and 
 suit trade on the Pacific slope," he said finally, 
 "would I go to one of them things again. First, a fat 
 Eyetalian by the name Flanagan fights with a young 
 feller, Tom Evans, the Welsh coal-miner, and you 
 never seen nothing like it, Abe, outside a slaughter- 
 house. ' y 
 
 "Flanagan don't seem much like an Eyetalian, 
 Mawruss," Abe commented. 
 
 "I know it," Morris replied; "but that wouldn't 
 surprise you much if you could seen the one what 
 they call Tom Evans, the Welsh coal-miner." 
 
 "Why not? "Abe asked. 
 
 "Well, you remember Hyman Feinsilver, what 
 worked by us as a shipping clerk while Jake was 
 sick?" 
 
 "Sure I do," Abe replied. "Comes from very 
 decent, respectable people in the old country. His 
 father was a rabbi." 
 
 "Don't make no difference about his father, Abe," 
 Morris went on. "That Tom Evans, the Welsh coal- 
 miner, is Hyman Feinsilver what worked by us. and 
 
 184
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 the way he treated that poor Eyetalian young feller 
 was a shame for the people. It makes me sick to 
 think of it." 
 
 "Don't think of it, then," Abe replied, "because it 
 won 't do you no good, Mawruss. I seen Sol Klinger 
 in the subway this morning, and he says that last 
 Saturday morning already James Burke was in their 
 place and picked out enough goods to stock the big- 
 gest suit department in the country. Sol says Burke 
 went to Philadelphia yesterday to meet Sidney Small, 
 the president of the concern, and they 're coming over 
 to Klinger & Klein's this morning and close the 
 deal." 
 
 Morris sat down and lit a cigar. "Yes, Ab, that's 
 the way it goes," he said bitterly. "You sit here and 
 tell me a long story about your wife 's relations, and 
 the first thing you know, Abe, I miss the train and 
 Frank Walsh takes away my trade. What do I care 
 about your wife's relations, Abe?" 
 
 "That's what I told you, Mawruss. Wife's rela- 
 tions don't do nobody no good," Abe replied. 
 
 "Jokes!" Morris exclaimed as he moved off to the 
 rear of the store. "Jokes he is making it, and two 
 thousand dollars thrown into the street." 
 
 For the rest of the morning Morris sulked in the 
 cutting-room upstairs, while Abe busied himself in 
 assorting his samples for a forthcoming New Eng- 
 land trip. At twelve o 'clock a customer came in, and 
 when he left at half -past twelve Abe escorted him to 
 the store door and lingered there a few minutes to 
 
 185
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEK 
 
 get a breath of fresh air. As he was about to reenter 
 the store he discerned the corpulent figure of Frank 
 Walsh making his way down the opposite sidewalk 
 toward Wasserbauer's Cafe. With him were two 
 other men, one of them about as big as Frank him- 
 self, the other a slight, dark person. 
 
 Abe darted to the rear of the store. ' ' Mawruss, ' ' 
 he called, "come quick! Here is this Walsh feller 
 with Small and Burke/' 
 
 Morris took the first few stairs at a leap, and had 
 his partner not caught him he would have landed in 
 a heap at the bottom of the flight. They covered the 
 distance from the stairway to the store door so rap- 
 idly that when they reached the sidewalk Frank and 
 his customers had not yet arrived in front of Was- 
 serbauer's. 
 
 "The little feller," Morris hissed, "is the same 
 one what was up to the fighting. I guess he's a 
 drummer." 
 
 "Him?" Abe replied. "He ain't no drummer, 
 Mawruss. He's Jacob Berkowitz, what used to run 
 the Up-to-Date Store in Seattle. I sold him goods 
 when me and Pincus Vesell was partners together, 
 way before the Spanish War already. Who's the 
 other feller?" 
 
 At that moment the subject of Abe's inquiry 
 looked across the street and for the first time noticed 
 Abe and Morris standing on the sidewalk. He 
 stopped short and stared at Abe until his bulging eyes 
 caught the sign above the store. For one brief mo- 
 
 186
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 ment he hesitated and then he leaped from the curb 
 to the gutter and plunged across the roadway, with 
 Jacob Berkowitz and Frank Walsh in close pursuit. 
 He seized Abe by both hands and shook them up and 
 down. 
 
 "Abe Potash!'* he cried. "So sure as you live/' 
 
 "That's right," Abe admitted; "that's my name." 
 
 "You don't remember me, Abe?" he went on. 
 
 "I remember Mr. Berkowitz here," Abe said, smil- 
 ing at the smaller man. "I used to sell him goods 
 oncet when he ran the Up-to-Date Store in Seattle. 
 Ain't that so, Mr. Berkowitz?" 
 
 The smaller man nodded in an embarrassed fash- 
 ion, while Frank Walsh grew red and white by turns 
 and looked first at Abe and then at the others in blank 
 amazement. 
 
 "But," Abe went on, "you got to excuse me, Mis- 
 ter Mister ' ' 
 
 "Small," said the larger man, whereat Morris 
 fairly staggered. 
 
 "Mister Small," Abe continued. "You got to 
 excuse me. I don't remember your name. Won't 
 you come inside?" 
 
 "Hold on!" Frank Walsh cried. "These gentle- 
 men are going to lunch with we." 
 
 Small turned and fixed Walsh with a glare. "I 
 am going to do what I please, Mr. Walsh," he said 
 coldly. "If I want to go to lunch I go to lunch; if I 
 don't that's something else again." 
 
 "Oh, I've got lots of time," Walsh explained. "I 
 
 187
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 was just reminding you, that's all. Wasserbauer's 
 got a few good specialties on his bill-of-fare that 
 don't improve with waiting." 
 
 "All right," Mr. Small said. "If that's the case 
 go ahead and have your lunch. I won't detain you 
 none. ' ' 
 
 He put his hand on Abe's shoulder, and the little 
 procession passed into the store with Abe and Mr. 
 Small in the van, while Frank Walsh constituted a 
 solitary rear-guard. He sat disconsolately on a pile 
 of piece goods as the four others went into the show- 
 room. 
 
 "Sit down, Mr. Small," Abe said genially. "Mr. 
 Berkowitz, take that easy chair." 
 
 Then Morris produced the "gilt-edged" cigars 
 from the safe, and they all lit up. 
 
 "First thing, Mr. Small," Abe went on, "I should 
 like to know where I seen you before. Of course, I 
 know you're running a big business in Walla Walla, 
 Washington, and certainly, too, I know your face." 
 
 "Sure you know my face, Abe," Mr. Small re- 
 plied. "But my name ain't familiar. The last 
 time you seen my face, Abe, was some twenty years 
 since. ' ' 
 
 "Twenty years is a long time," Abe commented. 
 "I seen lots of trade in twenty years." 
 
 "Trade you seen it, yes," Mr. Small said, "but I 
 wasn't trade." 
 
 He paused and looked straight at Abe. "Think, 
 Abe," he said. "When did you seen me last?" 
 
 188
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 Abe gazed at him earnestly and then shook his 
 head. "I give it up," he said. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Mr. Small murmured, "the last time 
 you seen me I went out to buy ten dollars ' worth of 
 schnapps. ' ' 
 
 "What!" Abe cried. 
 
 "But that afternoon there was a sure-thing mare 
 going to start over to Guttenberg just as I happened 
 to be passing Butch Thompson's old place, and I no 
 more than got the ten dollars down than she blew up 
 in the stretch. So I boarded a freight over to West 
 Thirtieth Street and fetched up in Walla Walla, 
 Washington. ' ' 
 
 "Look a-here!" Abe gasped. "You ain't Scheuer 
 Smolinski, are you?" 
 
 Mr. Small nodded. 
 
 "That's me," he said. "I'm Scheuer Smolinski 
 or Sidney Small, whichever you like. When me and 
 Jake Berkowitz started this here Small Drygoods 
 Company we decided that Smolinski and Berkowitz 
 was too big a mouthful for the Pacific Slope, so we 
 slipped the 'inski' and the 'owitz.' Seheuer Small 
 and Jacob Burke didn't sound so well, neither. 
 Ain't it? So, since there ain't no harm in it, we just 
 changed our front names, too, and me and him is Sid- 
 ney Small and James Burke." 
 
 Abe sat back in his chair too stunned for words, 
 while Morris pondered bitterly on the events of Sat- 
 urday night. Then the prize was well within his 
 grasp, for even at that late hour he could have per- 
 
 189
 
 suaded Mr. Burke to reconsider his decision and to 
 bring Mr. Small over to see Potash & Perlmutter's 
 line first. But now it was too late, Morris reflected, 
 for Mr. Small had visited Klinger & Klein's estab- 
 lishment and had no doubt given the order. 
 
 "Say, my friends," Frank Walsh cried, poking 
 his head in the door, "far from me to be buttin' 
 in, but whenever you're ready for lunch just let me 
 know." 
 
 Mr. Small jumped to his feet. ' ' I '11 let you know, " 
 he said "I'll let you know right now. Half an hour 
 since already I told Mr. Klinger I would make up 
 my mind this afternoon about giving him the order 
 for them goods what Mr. Burke picked out. Well, 
 you go back and tell him I made up my mind already, 
 sooner than I expected. I ain't going to give him the 
 order at all." 
 
 Walsh's red face grew purple. At first he gurgled 
 incoherently, but finally recovered sufficiently to 
 enunciate; and for ten minutes he denounced Mr. 
 Small and Mr. Burke, their conduct and antecedents. 
 It was a splendid exhibition of profane invective, and 
 when he concluded he was almost breathless. 
 
 "Yah!" he jeered, "five-dollar tickets for a prize- 
 fight for the likes of youse ! ' ' 
 
 He fixed Morris and Mr. Burke with a final glare. 
 
 "Pearls before swine!" he bellowed, and banged 
 the show-room door behind him. 
 
 Mr. Burke looked at Morris. ' * That 's a lowlif e for 
 you," he said. "A respectable concern should have 
 
 190
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEE 
 
 a salesman like him! Ain't it a shame and a dis- 
 grace ! ' ' 
 
 Morris nodded. 
 
 "He takes me to a place where nothing but loafers 
 is," Mr. Burke continued, "and for two hours I got 
 to sit and hear him and his friend there, that big 
 feller I guess you seen him, Mr. Perlmutter he 
 told me he keeps a beer saloon another lowlife for 
 two hours I got to listen to them loafers cussing to- 
 gether, and then he gets mad that I don't enjoy my- 
 self yet." 
 
 Mr. Small shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 * ' Let 's forget all about it, ' ' he said. ' * Come, Abe, 
 I want to look over your line, and you and me will do 
 business right away." 
 
 Abe and Morris spent the next two hours display- 
 ing their line, while Mr. Small and Mr. Burke se- 
 lected hundred lots of every style. Finally, Abe and 
 Mr. Small retired to the office to fill out the order, 
 leaving Morris to replace the samples. He worked 
 with a will and whistled a cheerful melody by way 
 of accompaniment. 
 
 "Mister Perlmutter," James Burke interrupted, 
 "that tune what you are whistling it, ain't that the 
 drinking song from Trawy-ater already?" 
 
 Morris ceased his whistling. "That's right," he 
 replied. 
 
 ' ' I thought it was, ' ' Mr. Burke said. * ' I was go- 
 ing to see that opera last Saturday night if that low- 
 Walsh wouldn't have took me to the prize-fight." 
 
 191
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 He paused and helped himself to a fresh cigar from 
 the "gilt-edged" box. 
 
 "For anybody else but a loafer," he concluded, 
 "prize-fighting is nix. Opera, Mr. Perlmutter, that's 
 an amusement for a gentleman." 
 
 Morris nodded a vigorous acquiescence. He had 
 nearly concluded his task when Abe and his new- 
 found brother-in-law returned. 
 
 "Well, gentlemen," Mr. Small announced, "we 
 figured it up and it comes to twenty-five hundred 
 dollars. That ain 't bad for a starter. ' ' 
 
 "You bet," Abe agreed fervently. 
 
 Mr. Burke smiled. "You got a good line, Mr. 
 Potash," he said. "Ever so much better than Klin- 
 ger & Klein's." 
 
 "That's what they have," Mr. Small agreed. 
 "But it don't make no difference, anyhow. I'd give 
 them the order if the line wasn't near so good." 
 
 He put his arm around Abe's shoulder. "It 
 stands in the Talmud, an old saying, but a true one, ' ' 
 he said " 'Blood is redder than water.' " 
 
 CHAPTER X 
 
 THE Small Drygoods Company's order was the 
 forerunner of a busy season that taxed the 
 energies of not only Abe and Morris but of 
 their entire business staff as well, and when the hot 
 weather set in, Morris could not help noticing the 
 
 192
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 fagged-out appearance of Miss Cohen the book- 
 keeper. 
 
 "We should give that girl a vacation, Abe, " he 
 said. "She worked hard and we ought to show her 
 a little consideration." 
 
 "I know, Mawruss," Abe replied; "but she ain't 
 the only person what works hard around here, Maw- 
 russ. I work hard, too, Mawruss, but I ain't getting 
 no vacation. That's a new idee what you got, Maw- 
 russ." 
 
 "Everybody gives it their bookkeeper a vacation, 
 Abe," Morris protested. 
 
 "Do they?" Abe rejoined. "Well, if bookkeepers 
 gets vacations, Mawruss, where are we going to 
 stop? First thing you know, Mawruss, we'll be giv- 
 ing cutters vacations, and operators vacations, and 
 before we get through we got our workroom half 
 empty yet and paying for full time already. If she 
 wants a vacation for two weeks I ain't got no objec- 
 tions, Mawruss, only we don't pay her no wages while 
 she's gone." 
 
 "You can't do that, Abe," Morris said. "That 
 would be laying her off, Abe; that wouldn't be no 
 vacation. ' ' 
 
 "But we got to have somebody here to keep our 
 books while she's away, Mawruss," Abe cried. "We 
 got to make it a living, Mawruss. We can't shut 
 down just because Miss Cohen gets a vacation. And 
 so it stands, Mawruss, we got to pay Miss Cohen 
 wages for doing nothing, Mawruss, and also we got 
 
 193
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 to pay it wages to somebody else for doing something 
 what Miss Cohen should be doing when she ain't, 
 ain't it!" 
 
 "Sure, we got to get a substitute for her while 
 she's away," Morris agreed; "but I guess it won't 
 break us." 
 
 "All right, Mawruss," Abe replied; "if I got to 
 hear it all summer about this here vacation business 
 I'm satisfied. I got enough to do in the store with- 
 out worrying about that, Mawruss. Only one thing 
 I got to say it, Mawruss : we got to have a bookkeeper 
 to take her place while she's away, and you got to 
 attend to that, Mawruss. That's all I got to say." 
 
 Morris nodded and hastened to break the good 
 news to Miss Cohen, who for the remainder of the 
 week divided her time between Potash & Perlmut- 
 ter's accounts and a dozen multicolored railroad 
 folders. 
 
 "Look at that, Mawruss," Abe said as he gazed 
 through the glass paneling of the show-room toward 
 the bookkeeper's desk. "That girl ain't done it a 
 stroke of work since we told her she could go already. 
 "What are we running here, anyway : a cloak and suit 
 business or a cut-rate ticket office?" 
 
 "Don't you worry about her, Abe," Morris re- 
 plied. "She's got her cashbook and daybook posted 
 and she also got it a substitute. He's coming this 
 afternoon." 
 
 "He's coming ? ' ' Abe said. "So she got it a young 
 fetter, Mawruss!" 
 
 194
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 t 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris replied, "what harm is 
 there in that? He's a decent, respectable young 
 feller by the name Tuchman, what works as book- 
 keeper by the Kosciusko Bank. They give him a two 
 weeks' vacation and he comes to work by us, Abe." 
 
 "That's a fine way to spend a vacation, Mawruss," 
 Abe commented. "Why don't he go up to Tanners- 
 ville or so?" 
 
 "Because he's got to help his father out nights in 
 his cigar store what he keeps it on Avenue B, ' ' Mor- 
 ris answered. "His father is Max Tuchman 's 
 brother. You know Max Tuchman, drummer for 
 Lapidus & Elenbogen?" 
 
 ' ' Sure I know him a loud-mouth feller, Mawruss ; 
 got a whole lot to say for himself. A sport and a 
 gambler, too," Abe said. "He'd sooner play auc- 
 tion pinochle than eat, Mawruss. I bet you he turns 
 in an expense account like he was on a honeymoon 
 every trip. The last time I seen this here Max Tuch- 
 man was up in Duluth. He was riding in a buggy 
 with the lady buyer from Moe Gerschel's cloak de- 
 partment. ' ' 
 
 "Well, I suppose he sold her a big bill of goods, 
 too, Abe, ain't it?" Morris rejoined. "He's an up- 
 to-date feller, Abe. If anybody wants to sell goods 
 to lady buyers they got to be up-to-date, ain't it? 
 And so far what I hear it nobody told it me you made 
 such a big success with lady buyers, neither, Abe." 
 
 Abe shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 "That ain't here nor there, Mawruss," he grunted. 
 
 IRS
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "The thing is this: if this young feller by the name 
 of Tuchman does Miss Cohen's work as good as Miss 
 Cohen does it I'm satisfied." 
 
 There was no need for apprehension on that score, 
 however, for when the substitute bookkeeper arrived 
 he proved to be an accurate and industrious young 
 fellow, and despite Miss Cohen's absence the work 
 of Potash & Perlmutter's office proceeded with 
 orderly dispatch. 
 
 " That's a fine young feller, Mawruss," Abe com- 
 mented as he and his partner sat in the firm's show- 
 room on the second day of Miss Cohen's vacation. 
 
 ''Who's this you're talking about?" Morris asked. 
 
 "This here bookkeeper," Abe replied. "What's 
 his first name, now, Mawruss?" 
 
 "Ralph," Morris said. 
 
 "Ralph!" Abe cried. "That's a name I couldn't 
 remember it in a million years, Mawruss." 
 
 "Why not, Abe?" Morris replied. "Ralph ain't 
 no harder than Moe or Jake, Abe. For my part, I 
 ain't got no trouble in remembering that name; and 
 anyhow, Abe, why should an up-to-date family like 
 the Tuchmans give their boys such back-number 
 names like Jake or Moe?" 
 
 "Jacob and Moses was decent, respectable people 
 in the old country, Mawruss," Abe corrected sol- 
 emnly. 
 
 "I know it, Abe," Morris rejoined; "but that was 
 long since many years ago already. Now is 
 another time entirely in New York City; and any- 
 
 196
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 how, with such names what we got it in onr hooks, 
 Abe, you shouldn't have no trouble remembering 
 Ralph." 
 
 "Sure not," Abe agreed, dismissing the subject. 
 "So, I'll call him Ike. For two weeks he wouldn't 
 mind it." 
 
 Morris shrugged. "For my part, you can call him 
 Andrew Carnegie," he said; "only, let's not stand 
 here talking about it all day, Abe. I see by the paper 
 this morning that Marcus Bramson, from Syracuse, 
 is at the Prince William Hotel, Abe, and you says 
 you was going up to see him. That's your style, Abe : 
 an old-fashion feller like Marcus Bramson. If you 
 couldn't sell him a bill of goods, Abe, you couldn't 
 sell nobody. He ain't no lady buyer, Abe. " 
 
 Abe glared indignantly at his partner. "Well, 
 Mawruss," he said, "if you ain't satisfied with the 
 way what I sell goods you know what you can do. 
 I'll do the inside work and you can go out on the 
 road. It's a dawg's life, Mawruss, any way you look 
 at it; and maybe, Mawruss, you would have a good 
 time taking buggy rides with lady buyers. For my 
 part, Mawruss, I got something better to do with my 
 time." 
 
 He seized his hat, still glaring at Morris, who 
 remained quite unmoved by his partner's indigna- 
 tion. 
 
 "I heard it what you tell me now several times be- 
 fore already, Abe, ' ' he said ; * ' and if you want it that 
 Max Tuchman or Klinger & Klein or some of them 
 
 ty Potash &Perlmutter. 197
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 other fellers should cop out a good customer of ours 
 like Marcus Bramson, Abe, maybe you'll hang 
 around here a little longer." 
 
 Abe retorted by banging the show-room door be- 
 hind him, and as he disappeared into the street Mor- 
 ris indulged in a broad, triumphant grin. 
 
 When Abe returned an hour later he found Morris 
 going over the monthly statements with Ralph Tuch- 
 man. Morris looked up as Abe entered. 
 
 " What's the matter, Abe?" he cried. "You look 
 worried. ' ' 
 
 1 i Worried ! ' ' Abe replied. * ' I ain 't worried, Maw- 
 russ." 
 
 "Did you seen Marcus Bramson?" Morris asked. 
 
 "Sure I seen him," said Abe; "he's coming down 
 here at half -past three o'clock this afternoon. You 
 needn't trouble yourself about him, Mawruss." 
 
 Abe hung up his hat, while Morris and Ralph 
 Tuchman once more fell to the work of comparing 
 the statements. 
 
 "Look a-here, Mawruss," Abe said at length: 
 "who d'ye think I seen it up at the Prince William 
 Hotel?" 
 
 "I ain't no mind reader, Abe," Morris replied. 
 "Who did you seen it?" 
 
 "Miss Atkinson, cloak buyer for the Emporium, 
 Duluth," Abe replied. "That's Moe Gerschel's 
 store." 
 
 Morris stopped comparing the statements, while 
 Ralph Tuchman continued his writing. 
 
 198
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 " She's just come in from the West, Mawruss," 
 Abe went on. ' ' She ain 't registered yet when I was 
 going out, and she won 't be in the Arrival of Buyers 
 till to-morrow morning.'* 
 
 "Did you speak to her?" Morris asked. 
 
 "Sure I spoke to her," Abe said. "I says good- 
 morning, and she recognized me right away. I asked 
 after Moe, and she says he's well; and I says if she 
 comes down here for fall goods; and she says she 
 ain't going to talk no business for a couple of days, 
 as it's a long time already since she was in New 
 York and she wants to look around her. Then I says 
 it's a fine weather for driving just now." 
 
 He paused for a moment and looked at Morris. 
 
 "Yes," Morris said, "and what did she say?" 
 
 "She says sure it is," Abe continued, "only, 
 she says she got thrown out of a wagon last fall, and 
 so she's kind of sour on horses. She says nowadays 
 she don't go out except in oitermobiles." 
 
 " Oitermobiles ! " Morris exclaimed, and Ealph 
 Tuchman, whose protruding ears, sharp-pointed nose 
 and gold spectacles did not belie his inquisitive dis- 
 position, ceased writing to listen more closely to 
 Abe's story. 
 
 "That's what she said, Mawruss," Abe replied; 
 ' ' and so I says for my part, I liked it better oitermo- 
 biles as horses." 
 
 "Why, Abe," Morris cried, "you ain't never rode 
 in an oitermobile in all your life." 
 
 "Sure not, Mawruss, I'm lucky if I get to a funeral 
 
 199
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 oncet in a while. Ike," he broke off suddenly, "you 
 better get them statements mailed. ' ' 
 
 Ralph Tuchman rose sadly and repaired to the 
 office. 
 
 "That's a smart young feller, Mawruss," Abe 
 commented, "and while you can't tell much about a 
 feller from his face, Mawruss, I never seen them long 
 ears on anyone that minded his own business, y 'un- 
 derstand ? And besides, I ain 't taking no chances on 
 his Uncle Max Tuchman getting advance information 
 about this here Moe Gerschel's buyer. ' r 
 
 Morris nodded. "Maybe you're right, Abe," he 
 murmured. 
 
 "You was telling me what this Miss Abrahamson 
 said, Abe." 
 
 "Miss Atkinson, Mawruss," Abe corrected, "not 
 Abrahamson. ' ' 
 
 "Well, what did she say?" Morris asked. 
 
 "So she asks me if I ever went it oitermobiling, " 
 Abe went on, ' * and I says sure I did, and right away 
 quick I seen it what she means ; and I says how about 
 going this afternoon; and she says she's agreeable. 
 So I says, Mawruss, all right, I says, we'll mix busi- 
 ness with pleasure, I says. I told her we'll go in an 
 oitermobile to the Bronix already, and when we come 
 back to the store at about, say, five o 'clock we '11 look 
 over the line. Then after that we'll go to dinner, and 
 after dinner we go to theeayter. How's that, Maw- 
 russ?" 
 
 "I heard it worse idees than that, Abe," Morris 
 
 2%
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 replied; "because if you get this here Miss Aaronson 
 down here in the store, naturally, she thinks if she 
 gives us the order she gets better treatment at the 
 dinner and at the theayter afterward." 
 
 "That's the way I figured it out, Mawruss," Abe 
 agreed; "and also, I says to myself, Mawruss will 
 enjoy it a good oitermobile ride. ' ' 
 
 "Me!" Morris cried. "What have I got to do 
 with this here oitermobile ride, Abe?" 
 
 "What have you got to do with it, Mawruss?" Abe 
 repeated. "Why, Mawruss, I'm surprised to hear 
 you, you should talk that way. You got everything 
 to do with it. I'm a back number, Mawruss; I don't 
 know nothing about selling goods to lady buyers, 
 ain't it? You say it yourself, a feller has got to be 
 up-to-date to sell goods to lady buyers. So, natur- 
 ally, you being the up-to-date member of this con- 
 cern, you got to take Miss Atkinson out in the oiter- 
 mobile. ' ' 
 
 "But, Abe," Morris protested, "I ain't never rode 
 in an oitermobile, and there wouldn't be no pleasure 
 in it for me, Abe. Why don't you go, Abe? You 
 say it yourself you lead it a dawg's life on the road. 
 Now, here's a chance for you to enjoy yourself, Abe, 
 and you should go. Besides, Abe, you got commer- 
 cial travelers' accident insurance, and I ain't." 
 
 "The oitermobile ain't coming till half -past one, 
 Mawruss," Abe replied; "between now and then you 
 could get it a hundred policies of accident insurance. 
 No, Mawruss, this here lady-buyer business is up to 
 
 201
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 you. I got a pointer from Sol KHinger to ring up a 
 concern on Forty-sixth Street, which I done so, and 
 fifteen dollars it costed me. That oitermobile is com- 
 ing here for you at half -past one, and after that all 
 you got to do is to go up to the Prince William Hotel 
 and ask for Miss Atkinson." 
 
 ''But, Abe," Morris protested, "I don't even know 
 this here Miss Isaacson." 
 
 ' ' Not Isaacson, ' ' Abe repeated ; ' ' Atkinson. You 'd 
 better write that name down, Mawruss, before you 
 forget it." 
 
 " Never mind, Abe," Morris rejoined. "I don't 
 need to write down things to remember 'em. I 
 don't have to call a young feller out of his name just 
 because my memory is bad, Abe. The name I'll re- 
 member good enough when it comes right down to 
 it. Only, why should I go out oitermobiling riding 
 with this Miss Atkinson, Abe? I'm the inside part- 
 ner, ain't it? And you're the outside man. Do you 
 know what I think, Abe? I think you're scared to 
 ride in an oitermobile." 
 
 "Me scared!" Abe cried. "Why should I be 
 scared, Mawruss? A little thing like a broken leg 
 or a broken arm, Mawruss, don't scare me. I ain't 
 going because it ain't my business to go. It's your 
 idee, this lady-buyer business, and if you don't 
 want to go we'll charge the fifteen dollars what I 
 paid out to profit and loss and call the whole thing 
 off." 
 
 He rose to his feet, thrust out his waist-line and 
 
 202
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 made a dignified exit by way of closing the discus- 
 sion. A moment later, however, he returned with 
 less dignity than haste. 
 
 "Mawruss," he hissed, "that young feller that 
 that now, Ike is telephoning. " 
 
 "Well," Morris replied, "one telephone message 
 ain't going to put us into bankruptcy, Abe." 
 
 "Bankruptcy, nothing!" Abe exclaimed. "He's 
 telephoning to his Uncle Max Tuchman." 
 
 Morris jumped to his feet, and on the tips of their 
 toes they darted to the rear of the store. 
 
 "All right, Uncle Max," they heard Ralph Tuch- 
 man say. "I'll see you to-night. Good-by." 
 
 Abe and Morris exchanged significant glances, 
 while Ralph slunk guiltily away to Miss Cohen's 
 desk. 
 
 "Let's fire him on the spot," Abe said. 
 
 Morris shook his head. "What good will that do. 
 Abe?" Morris replied. "We ain't certain that he 
 told Max Tuchman nothing, Abe. For all you and 
 me know, Max may of rung him up about something 
 quite different already." 
 
 "I believe it, Mawruss," Abe said ironically. 
 "But, anyhow, I'm going to ring up that oitermobile 
 concern on Forty-sixth Street and tell 'em to send it 
 around here at twelve o'clock. Then you can go up 
 there to the hotel, and if that Miss Atkinson ain't had 
 her lunch yet buy it for her, Mawruss, for so sure as 
 you stand there I bet yer that young feller, Ike, has 
 rung up this here Max Tuchman and told him all 
 
 203
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 about us going up there to take her out in an oiter* 
 mobile. I bet yer Max will get the biggest oiter- 
 mobile he can find up there right away, and he's go- 
 ing to steal her away from us, sure, if we don't 
 hustle." 
 
 "Dreams you got it, Abe," Morris said. "How 
 should this here young feller, Ralph Tuchman, know 
 that Miss Aaronson was a customer of his Uncle Max 
 Tuchman, Abe?" 
 
 Abe looked at Morris more in sorrow than in 
 anger. "Mawruss," he said, "do me the favor once 
 and write that name down. A-T at, K-I-N kin, 
 S-O-N son, Atkinson not Aaronson." 
 
 "That's what I said Atkinson Abe," Morris 
 protested; "and if you're so scared we're going to 
 lose her, Abe, go ahead and 'phone. We got to sell 
 goods to lady buyers some time, Abe, and we may as 
 well make the break now." 
 
 Abe waited to hear no more, but hastened to the 
 'phone, and when he returned a few minutes later he 
 found that Morris had gone to the barber shop across 
 the street. Twenty minutes afterward a sixty-horse- 
 power machine arrived at the store door just as Mor- 
 ris came up the steps of the barber shop underneath 
 Wasserbauer 's Cafe and Restaurant. He almost 
 bumped into Philip Plotkin, of Kleinberg & Plotkin, 
 who was licking the refractory wrapper of a Wheel- 
 ing stogy, with one eye fixed on the automobile in 
 front of his competitors' store. 
 
 "Hallo, Mawruss," Philip cried. "Pretty high 
 
 204
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 toned customers you must got it when they come 
 down to the store in oitermobiles, ain't it?" 
 
 Morris flashed his gold fillings in a smile of trium- 
 phant superiority. "That ain't no customer's oiter- 
 mobile, Philip," he said. "That's for its an oiter- 
 mobile, what we take it out our customers riding in. ' ' 
 
 "Why don't you take it out credit men from com- 
 mission houses riding, Mawruss ? ' ' Philip rejoined as 
 Morris stepped from the curb to cross the street. 
 This was an allusion to the well-known circumstance 
 that with credit men a customer's automobile-riding 
 inspires as much confidence as his betting on the 
 horse races, and when Morris climbed into the ton- 
 neau he paid little attention to Abe 's instructions, so 
 busy was he glancing around him for prying credit 
 men. At length, with a final jar and jerk the machine 
 sprang forward, and for the rest of the journey Mor- 
 ris' mind was emptied of every other apprehension 
 save that engendered of passing trucks or street 
 cars. Finally, the machine drew up in front of 
 the Prince William and Morris scrambled out, tremb- 
 ling in every limb. He made at once for the clerk's 
 desk. 
 
 "Please send this to Miss Isaacson," he said, hand- 
 ing out a firm card. 
 
 The clerk consulted an index and shook his head. 
 "No Miss Isaacson registered here," he said. 
 
 "Oh, sure not," Morris cried, smiling apologetic- 
 ally. ' ' I mean Miss Aaronson. ' ' 
 
 Once more the clerk pawed over his card index. 
 
 205
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 4 'You've got the wrong hotel," he declared. "I 
 don't see any Miss Aaronson here, either." 
 
 Morris scratched his head. He mentally passed in 
 review Jacobson, Abrahamson, and every other 
 Biblical proper name combined with the suffix * ' son, ' ' 
 but rejected them all. 
 
 "The lady what I want to see it is buyer for a de- 
 partment store in Duluth, what arrived here this 
 morning," Morris explained. 
 
 "Let. me see," the clerk mused; "buyer, hey? 
 What was she a buyer of ? " 
 
 "Cloaks and suits," Morris answered. 
 
 "Suits, hey?" the clerk commented. "Let me see 
 buyer of suits. Was that the lady that was expect- 
 ing somebody with an automobile?" 
 
 Morris nodded emphatically. 
 
 "Well, that party called for her and they left here 
 about ten minutes ago, ' ' the clerk replied. 
 
 "What!" Morris gasped. 
 
 "Maybe it was five minutes ago," the clerk con- 
 tinued. "A gentleman with a red tie and a fine dia- 
 mond pin. His name was Tucker or Tuckerton or 
 
 * ' Tuchman, ' ' Morris cried. 
 
 "That's right," said the clerk; "he was a- 
 
 But Morris turned on his heel and darted wildly 
 toward the entrance. 
 
 "Say!" he cried, hailing the carriage agent, "did 
 you seen it a lady and a gent in an oitermobile leave 
 here five minutes ago ? ' ' 
 
 206
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 "Ladies and gents leave here in automobiles on an 
 average of every three minutes," said the carriage 
 agent. 
 
 ''Sure, I know," Morris continued, "but the gent 
 wore it a red tie with a big diamond. ' ' 
 
 "Bed tie with a big diamond," the carriage agent 
 repeated. "Oh, yeh I remember now. The lady 
 wanted to know where they was going, and the red 
 necktie says up to the Heatherbloom Inn and some- 
 thing about getting back to his store afterward." 
 
 Morris nodded vigorously. 
 
 "So I guess they went up to the Heatherbloom 
 Inn, ' ' the carriage agent said. 
 
 Once more Morris darted away without waiting to 
 thank his informant, and again he climbed into the 
 tonneau of the machine. 
 
 "Do you know where the Heatherbloom Inn is?" 
 he asked the chauffeur. 
 
 "What you tryin' to do?" the chauffeur com- 
 mented. "Kid me?" 
 
 "I ain't trying to do nothing," Morris explained. 
 "I ask it you a simple question: Do you know where 
 the Heatherbloom Inn is ? " 
 
 "Say! do you know where Baxter Street is?" the 
 chauffeur asked, and then without waiting for an an- 
 swer he opened the throttle and they glided around 
 the corner into Fifth Avenue. It was barely half- 
 past twelve and the tide of fashionable traffic had not 
 yet set in. Hence the motor car made good progress, 
 nor was it until Fiftieth Street was reached that a 
 
 207
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 block of traffic caused them to halt. An automobile 
 had collided with a delivery wagon, and a wordy con- 
 test was waging between the driver of the wagon, the 
 chauffeur, one of the occupants of the automobile and 
 a traffic-squad policeman. 
 
 "You don't know your business," a loud voice pro- 
 claimed, addressing the policeman. "If you did you 
 wouldn't be sitting up there like a dummy already. 
 This here driver run into us. We didn't run into 
 him." 
 
 It was the male occupant of the automobile that 
 spoke, and in vain did his fair companion clutch at 
 the tails of the linen duster that he wore ; he was in 
 the full tide of eloquence and thoroughly enjoying 
 himself. 
 
 The mounted policeman maintained his com- 
 posure the calm of a volcano before its eruption, the 
 ominous lull that precedes the tornado. 
 
 "And furthermore," continued the passenger, 
 throwing out his chest, whereon sparkled a large dia- 
 mond enfolded in crimson silk "and furthermore, 
 I'll see to it that them superiors of yours down below 
 hears of it, ' ' 
 
 The mounted policeman jumped nimbly from his 
 horse, and as Morris rose in the tonneau of his auto- 
 mobile he saw Max Tuchman being jerked bodily to 
 the street, while his fair companion shrieked hys- 
 terically. 
 
 Morris opened the door and sprang out. With un- 
 usual energy he wormed his way through the crowd 
 
 208
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 that surrounded the policeman and approached the 
 side of the automobile. 
 
 "Lady, lady," he cried, "I don't remember your 
 name, but I'm a friend of Max Tuchman here, and 
 I'll get you out of this here crowd in a minute." 
 
 He opened the door opposite to the side out of 
 which Tuchman had made his enforced exit, and of- 
 fered his hand to Max's trembling companion. 
 
 The lady hesitated a brief moment. Any port in a 
 storm, she argued to herself, and a moment later she 
 was seated beside Morris in the latter 's car, which 
 was moving up the Avenue at a good twenty-mile 
 gait. The chauffeur took advantage of the traffic 
 policeman's professional engagement with Max 
 Tuchman, and it was not until the next mounted offi- 
 cer hove into view that he brought his car down to its 
 lawful gait. 
 
 "If you're a friend of Mr. Tuchman 's," said the 
 lady at length, "why didn't you go with him to the 
 police station and bail him out ? ' ' 
 
 Morris grinned. "I guess you'll know when I tell 
 it you that my name is Mr. Perlmutter," he an- 
 nounced, "of Potash & Perlmutter." 
 
 The lady turned around and glanced uneasily at 
 Morris. ' * Is that so ? " she said. ' * Well, I 'm pleased 
 to meet you, Mr. Perlmutter." 
 
 "So, naturally, I don't feel so bad as I might about 
 it, ' ' Morris went on. 
 
 "Naturally?" the lady commented. She looked 
 about her apprehensively. "Perhaps we'd better 
 
 209
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 go back to the Prince William. Don't you think 
 
 "Why, you was going up to the Heatherbloom Inn 
 with Max Tuchman, wasn't you?" Morris said. 
 
 "How did you find that out'?" she asked. 
 
 "A small-size bird told it me," Morris replied jocu- 
 larly. "But, anyhow, no jokes nor nothing, why 
 shouldn't we go up and have lunch at the Heather- 
 bloom Inn? And then you can come down and look 
 at our line, anyhow." 
 
 "Well," said the lady, "if you can show me those 
 suits as well as Mr. Tuchman could, I suppose it 
 really won't make any difference." 
 
 "I can show 'em to you better than Mr. Tuchman 
 could," Morris said; "and now so long as you are 
 content to come downtown we won't talk business no 
 more till we get there." 
 
 They had an excellent lunch at the Heatherbloom 
 Inn, and many a hearty laugh from the lady testified 
 to her appreciation of Morris' naive conversation. 
 The hour passed pleasantly for Morris, too, since the 
 lady's unaffected simplicity set him entirely at his 
 ease. To be sure, she was neither young nor hand- 
 some, but she had all the charm that self-reliance and 
 ability give to a woman. 
 
 "A good, smart, business head she's got it," Mor- 
 ris said to himself, "and I wish I could remember 
 that name." 
 
 Had he not feared that his companion might think 
 it strange, he would have asked her name outright. 
 
 210
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 Once he called her Miss Aaronson, but the look of 
 amazement with which she favored him effectually 
 discouraged him from further experiment in that 
 direction. Thenceforth he called her ' l lady, ' ' a title 
 which made her smile and seemed to keep her in ex- 
 cellent humor. 
 
 At length they concluded their meal quite a mod- 
 est repast and comparatively reasonable in price 
 and as they rose to leave Morris looked toward the 
 door and gasped involuntarily. He could hardly be- 
 lieve his senses, for there blocking the entrance stood 
 a familiar bearded figure. It was Marcus Bramson 
 the conservative, back-number Marcus Bramson 
 and against him leaned a tall, stout person not quite 
 as young as her clothes and wearing a large picture 
 hat. Obviously this was not Mrs. Bramson, and the 
 blush with which Marcus Bramson recognized Morris 
 only confirmed the latter 's suspicions. 
 
 Mr. Bramson murmured a few words to the youth- 
 fully-dressed person at his side, and she glared 
 venomously at Morris, who precipitately followed his 
 companion to the automobile. Five minutes after- 
 ward he was chatting with the lady as they sped along 
 Eiverside Drive. 
 
 "Duluth must be a fine town," he suggested. 
 
 "It is indeed,'' the lady agreed. "I have some 
 relatives living there." 
 
 "That should make it pleasant for you, lady," 
 Morris went on, and thereafter the conversation 
 touched on relatives, whereupon Morris favored his 
 
 an
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 companion with a few intimate details of his family 
 life that caused her to laugh until she was completely 
 out of breath. To be sure, Morris could see nothing 
 remarkably humorous about it himself, and when one 
 or two anecdotes intended to be pathetic were re- 
 ceived with tears of mirth rather than sympathy he 
 felt somewhat annoyed. Nevertheless, he hid his 
 chagrin, and it was not long before the familiar sign 
 of Wasserbauer's Cafe and Restaurant warned Mor- 
 ris that they had reached their destination. He as- 
 sisted his companion to alight and ushered her into 
 the show-room. 
 
 "Just a minute, lady, " he said, "and I'll bring Mr. 
 Potash here." 
 
 "But," the lady protested, "I thought Mr. Lapi- 
 dus was the gentleman who had charge of it." 
 
 "That's all right," Morris said, "you just wait 
 and I'll bring Mr. Potash here." 
 
 He took the stairs to the cutting-room three at a 
 jump. "Abe," he cried, "Miss Aaronson is down- 
 stairs." 
 
 Abe's face, which wore a worried frown, grew 
 darker still as he regarded his partner malevolently. 
 "What's the matter with you, Mawruss!" he said. 
 "Can't you remember a simple name like Atkinson?" 
 
 "Atkinson!" Morris cried. "That's it Atkin- 
 son. I've been trying to remember it that name for 
 four hours already. But, anyhow, she's downstairs, 
 Abe." 
 
 Abe rose from his task and made at once for the 
 
 212
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 stairs, with Morris following at his heels. In four 
 strides he had reached the show-room, but no sooner 
 had he crossed the threshold than he started back vio- 
 lently, thereby knocking the breath out of Morris, who 
 was nearly precipitated to the floor. 
 
 "Morris," he hissed, "who is that there lady?" 
 
 "Why," Morris answered, "that's Miss Aaronson 
 I mean Atkinson ain't it?" 
 
 "Atkinson!" Abe yeUed. "That ain't Miss At- 
 kinson. ' ' 
 
 ' ' Then who is she I ' ' Morris asked. 
 
 "Who is she?" Abe repeated. "That's a fine 
 question for you to ask me. You take a lady for a fif- 
 teen-dollar oitermobile ride, and spend it as much 
 more for lunch in her, and you don't even know her 
 name!" 
 
 A cold perspiration broke out on Morris and he 
 fairly staggered into the show-room. "Lady," he 
 croaked, "do me a favor and tell me what is your 
 name, please. ' ' 
 
 The lady laughed. "Well, Mr. Perlmutter," she 
 said, "I'm sure this is most extraordinary. Of 
 course, there is such a thing as combining business 
 and pleasure; but, as I told Mr. Tuchman when he 
 insisted on taking me up to the Heatherbloom Inn, the 
 Board of Trustees control the placing of the orders. 
 I have only a perfunctory duty to perform when I 
 examine the finished clothing." 
 
 "Board of Trustees!" Morris exclaimed. 
 
 "Yes, the Board of Trustees of the Home for Fe- 
 
 14 Potash & Pertmutter. 213
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 male Orphans of Veterans, at Oceanhurst, Long 
 Island. I am the superintendent Miss Taylor and 
 I had an appointment at Lapidus & Elenbogen's to 
 inspect a thousand blue-serge suits. Lapidus & Elen- 
 bogen were the successful bidders, you know. And 
 there was really no reason for Mr. Tuchman's hos- 
 pitality, since I had nothing whatever to do with their 
 receiving the contract, nor could I possibly influence 
 the placing of any future orders." 
 
 Morris nodded slowly. "So you ain't Miss Atkin- 
 son, then, lady?" he said. 
 
 The lady laughed again. "I'm very sorry if I'm 
 the innocent recipient under false pretenses of a lunch 
 and an automobile ride," she said, rising. "And 
 you'll excuse me if I must hurry away to keep my ap- 
 pointment at Lapidus & Elenbogen's! I have to 
 catch a train back to Oceanhurst at five o'clock, too." 
 
 She held out her hand and Morris took it sheep- 
 ishly. 
 
 "I hope you'll forgive me," she said. 
 
 "I can't blame you, lady," Morris replied as they 
 went toward the front door. "It ain't your fault, 
 lady." 
 
 He held the door open for her. "And as for that 
 Max Tuchman," he said, "I hope they send him up 
 for life." 
 
 Abe stood in the show-room doorway as Morris re- 
 turned from the front of the store and fixed his part- 
 ner with a terrible glare. "Yes, Mawruss,' ' he said, 
 "you're a fine piece of work, I must say." 
 
 214
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 Morris shrugged his shoulders and sat down. 
 " That's what comes of not minding your own busi- 
 ness, ' ' he retorted. ' ' I 'm the inside, Abe, and you 're 
 the outside, and it's your business to look after the 
 out-of-town trade. I told you I don't know nothing 
 about this here lady-buyer business. You ordered 
 the oitermobile. I ain't got nothing to do with it, 
 and, anyhow, I don't want to hear no more about it." 
 
 A pulse was beating in Abe 's cheeks as he paced up 
 and down before replying. 
 
 II You don't want to hear no more about it, Maw- 
 russ, I know," he said; "but I want to hear about it. 
 I got a right to hear about it, Mawruss. I got a right 
 to hear it how a man could make such a fool out of 
 himself. Tell me, Mawruss, what name did you ask 
 it for when you went to the clerk at the Prince Wil- 
 liam Hotel?" 
 
 Morris jumped to his feet. "Lillian Eussell!" he 
 roared, and banged the show-room door behind him. 
 
 For the remainder of the day Morris and Abe 
 avoided each other, and it was not until the next 
 morning that Morris ventured to address his part- 
 ner. 
 
 "Did you get it any word from Marcus Bramson?" 
 he asked. 
 
 I 1 1 ain 't seen nor heard nothing, ' ' Abe replied. ' * I 
 can 't understand it, Mawruss ; the man promised me, 
 mind you, he would be here sure. Maybe you seen 
 him up to the hotel, Mawruss ? ' ' 
 
 "I seen him," Morris replied, "but not at the hotel, 
 
 215
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 Abe. I seen him up at that Heatherbloom Inn, Ab 
 with a lady.*' 
 
 "With a lady?" Abe cried. "Are you sure it was 
 a lady, Mawruss? Maybe she was a relation." 
 
 "Eelations you don't take it to expensive places 
 like the Heatherbloom Inn, Abe," Morris replied. 
 "And, anyhow, this wasn't no relation, Abe; this was 
 a lady. Why should a man blush for a relation, ain't 
 it!" 
 
 "Did he blush?" Abe asked; but the question re- 
 mained unanswered, for as Morris was about to reply 
 the store door opened and Marcus Bramson entered. 
 
 "Ah, Mr. Bramson," Abe cried, "ain't it a beauti- 
 ful weather?" 
 
 He seized the newcomer by the hand and shook it 
 up and down. Mr. Bramson received the greeting 
 solemnly. 
 
 "Abe," he said, "I am a man of my word, ain't it? 
 And so I come here to buy goods ; but, all the same, 
 I tell you the truth : I was pretty near going to Lapi- 
 dus & Elenbogen 's. " 
 
 "Lapidus & Elenbogen 's!" Abe cried. "Why 
 so?" 
 
 At this juncture Morris appeared at the show-room 
 door and beamed at Mr. Bramson, who looked 
 straight over his head in cold indifference ; where- 
 upon Morris found some business to attend to in the 
 rear of the store. 
 
 "That's what I said," Mr. Bramson replied, "Lapi- 
 dus & Elenbogen 's ; and you would of deserved it." 
 
 216
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 "Mr. Bramson," Abe protested, "did I ever done 
 you something that you should talk that way!" 
 
 "Me you never done nothing to, Abe," said Mr. 
 Bramson, "but to treat a lady what is a lady, Abe, 
 like a dawg, Abe, I must say it I'm surprised. 
 
 "7 never treated no lady like a dawg, Mr. Bram- 
 son," Abe replied. "You must be mistaken." 
 
 "Well, maybe it wasn't you, Abe," Mr. Bramson 
 went on; "but if it wasn't you it was your partner 
 there, that Mawruss Perlmutter. Yesterday I seen 
 him up to the Heatherbloom Inn, Abe, and I assure 
 you, Abe, I was never before in my life in such a high- 
 price place coffee and cake, Abe, believe me, one 
 dollar and a quarter. ' ' 
 
 He paused to let the information sink in. "But 
 what could I do?" he asked. "I was walking 
 through the side entrance of the Prince William Hotel 
 yesterday, Abe, just on my way down to see you, when 
 I seen it a lady sitting on a bench, looking like she 
 would like to cry only for shame for the people. 
 Well, Abe, I looked again, Abe, and would you be- 
 lieve it, Abe, it was Miss Atkinson, what used to work 
 for me as saleswoman and got a job by The Golden 
 Rule Store, Elmira, as assistant buyer, and is now 
 buyer by Moe Gerschel, The Emporium, Duluth." 
 
 Abe nodded; he knew what was coming. 
 
 ' ' So, naturally, I asks her what it is the matter with 
 her, and she says Potash & Perlmutter had an ap- 
 pointment to take her out in an oitermobile at two 
 o'clock, and here it was three o'clock already and 
 
 217
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 they ain't showed up yet. Potash & Perlmutter is 
 friends of mine, Miss Atkinson, I says, and I'm sure 
 something must have happened, or otherwise they 
 would not of failed to be here. So I says for her to 
 ring you up, Abe, and find out. But she says she 
 would see you first in she wouldn't ring you up for 
 all the oitermobiles in New York. So I says, well, I 
 says, if you don't want to ring 'em up I'll ring 'em 
 up ; and she says I should mind my own business. So 
 then I says, if you wouldn't ring 'em up and 7 
 wouldn't ring 'em up I'll do this for you, Miss Atkin- 
 son: You and me will go for an oitermobile ride, I 
 says, and we'll have just so good a time as if Potash 
 & Perlmutter was paying for it. And so we did, 
 Abe. I took Miss Atkinson up to the Heather- 
 bloom, Inn, and it costed me thirty dollars, Abe, in- 
 cluding a cigar, which I wouldn't charge you nothing 
 for." 
 
 "Charge me nothing!" Abe cried. "Of course 
 you wouldn't charge me nothing. You wouldn't 
 charge me nothing, Mr. Bramson, because I wouldn 't 
 pay you nothing. I didn't ask you to take Miss At- 
 kinson out in an oitermobile." 
 
 "I know you didn't, Abe," Mr. Bramson replied 
 firmly, "but either you will pay for it or I will go over 
 to Lapidus & Elenbogen's and they will pay for it. 
 They'll be only too glad to pay for it, Abe, because 
 I bet yer Miss Atkinson she give 'em a pretty big 
 order already, Abe." 
 
 Abe frowned and then shrugged. "All right," he 
 
 218
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 said ; ' 'if I must I must. So come on now, Mr. Bram- 
 son, and look over the line. ' ' 
 
 In the meantime Morris had repaired to the book- 
 keeper's desk and was looking over the daybook with 
 an unseeing eye. His mind was occupied with bitter 
 reflections when Ealph Tuchman interrupted him. 
 
 ' 'Mr. Perlmutter, " he said, "I'm going to leave." 
 
 "Going to leave?" Morris cried. "What for?" 
 
 1 i Well, in the first place, I don 't like it to be called 
 out of my name," he continued. "Mr. Potash calls 
 me Ike, and my name is Ealph. If a man's name is 
 Ealph, Mr. Perlmutter, he naturally don't like it to 
 be called Ike." 
 
 "I know it," Morris agreed, "but some people 
 ain't got a good memory for names, Ealph. Even 
 myself I forget it names, too, oncet in a while, occa- 
 sionally. ' ' 
 
 "But that ain't all, Mr. Perlmutter," Ealph went 
 on. "Yesterday, while you was out, Mr. Potash 
 accuses me something terrible. ' ' 
 
 "Accuse you!" Morris said. "What does he 
 accuse you for?" 
 
 "He accuse me that I ring up my Uncle Max Tuch- 
 man and tell him about a Miss Atkinson at the Prince 
 William Hotel," Ealph continued. "I didn't do it, 
 Mr. Perlmutter ; believe me. Uncle Max rung me up, 
 and I was going to tell you and Mr. Potash what he 
 rung me up for if you didn't looked at me like I was 
 a pickpocket when I was coming away from the 
 'phone yesterday. ' ' 
 
 219
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "I didn't look at you like a pickpocket, Ralph," 
 Morris said. "What did your Uncle Max ring you 
 up for!" 
 
 "Why, he wanted me to tell you that so long as 
 you was so kind and gives me this here vacation job 
 I should do you a good turn, too. He says that Miss 
 Atkinson tells him yesterday she was going out oiter- 
 mobile riding with you, and so he says I should tell 
 you not to go to any expense by Miss Atkinson, on 
 account that she already bought her fall line from 
 Uncle Max when he was in Duluth three weeks ago 
 already ; and that she is now in New York strictly on 
 her vacation only, and not to buy goods. ' ' 
 
 Morris nodded slowly. 
 
 "Well, Ralph," he said, "you're a good, smart boy, 
 and I want you to stay until Miss Cohen comes back 
 and maybe we '11 raise you a couple of dollars a week 
 till then." 
 
 He bit the end off a Heatherbloom Inn cigar. 
 "When a man gets played it good for a sucker like 
 we was, ' ' he mused, ' * a couple of dollars more or less 
 won't harm him none." 
 
 "That's what my Uncle Max says when he seen 
 you up at the Heatherbloom Inn yesterday," Ralph 
 commented. 
 
 "He seen me up at the Heatherbloom Inn!" 
 Morris cried. "How should he seen me up at the 
 Heatherbloom Inn? I thought he was made it ar- 
 rested. ' ' 
 
 "Sure he was made it arrested," Ralph said. 
 
 220
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 1 'But he fixed it up all right at the station-house, and 
 the sergeant lets him out. So he goes up to the 
 Heatherbloom Inn because when he went right back 
 to the hotel to see after that Miss Taylor the carriage 
 agent tells him a feller chases him up in an oitermo- 
 bile to the Heatherbloom Inn. But when Uncle Max 
 gets up there you look like you was having such a 
 good time already he hates to interrupt you, so he 
 goes back to the store again." 
 
 Morris puffed violently at his cigar. 
 
 "That's a fine piece of work," he said, "that Max 
 Tuchman is." 
 
 Ealph nodded. 
 
 "Sure he is," he replied. "Uncle Max is an up- 
 to-date feller." 
 
 CHAPTEE XI 
 
 ** r | ^HE trouble is with us, Mawruss," Abe Potash 
 declared one afternoon in September, "that 
 we ain't in an up-to-date neighborhood. 
 We should get it a loft in one of them buildings up 
 in Seventeenth, Eighteenth or Nineteenth Street, 
 Mawruss. All the trade is up in that neighbor- 
 hood." 
 
 "I ain't got such a good head for figures like you 
 
 got it, Abe," Morris Perlmutter replied, "and so I 
 
 am content we should stay where we are. We done 
 
 it always a fair business here, Abe. Ain't it?" 
 
 "Sure, I know," Abe went on, "but the way it is 
 
 221
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 with out-of-town buyers, Mawruss, they goes where 
 the crowd is, and they ain't going to be bothered to 
 come way downtown for us, Mawruss." 
 
 "Well, how about Klinger & Klein, Lapidus & 
 Elenbogen, and all them people, Abe?" Morris 
 asked. "Ain't them out-of-town buyers going to buy 
 goods off of them neither?" 
 
 "Klinger & Klein already hire it a fine loft on 
 Nineteenth Street," Abe interposed. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris rejoined, "Klinger & Klein, 
 like a whole lot of people what I know, acts like 
 monkeys, Abe. They see somebody doing something 
 and they got to do it too. ' ' 
 
 "If we could do the business what Klinger & 
 Klein done it, Mawruss, I am willing I should act 
 like a monkey." 
 
 "Another thing, Abe," Morris went on, "Klinger 
 & Klein sends their work out by contractors. We 
 got it operators and machines, Abe, and you can't 
 have a show-room, cutting-room and machines all in 
 one loft. Ain't it?" 
 
 "Well, then we get it two lofts, Mawruss, and then 
 we could put our workrooms upstairs and our show- 
 room and offices downstairs." 
 
 "And double our expenses, too, Abe," Morris 
 added. "No, Abe, I don't want to work for no 
 landlord all my life." 
 
 "But I seen Marks Henochstein yesterday, Maw- 
 russ, and he told it me Klinger & Klein ain't paying 
 half the rent what they pay down here. So, if we 
 
 222
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 could get it two floors we wouldn't increase our ex- 
 penses, Mawruss, and could do it maybe twicet the 
 business. ' * 
 
 "Marks Henochstein is a real-estater, Abe," Mor- 
 ris replied, "and when a real-estater tells you some- 
 thing, you got to make allowances fifty per cent, for 
 facts." 
 
 "I know," Abe cried; "but we don't have to hire 
 no loft what we don't want to, Mawruss. Henoch- 
 stein can't compel you to pay twicet as much what 
 we're paying now. Ain't it? So what is the harm 
 if we should maybe ask him to find a couple of lofts 
 for us? Ain't it?" 
 
 "All right, Abe," Morris concluded, "if I must go 
 crazy listening to you talking about it I sooner move 
 first. So go ahead and do what you like. ' ' 
 
 "Well, the fact is," said Abe, "I told Marks Hen- 
 ochstein he should find it a couple lofts for us this 
 morning, Mawruss, agreeing strictly that we should 
 not pay him nothing, as he gets a commission from 
 the landlord already." 
 
 Morris received this admission with a scowl. 
 
 "For a feller what's got such a nerve like you got 
 it, Abe," he declared, "I am surprised you should 
 make it such a poor salesman. ' J 
 
 "When a man's got it a back-number partner, 
 Mawruss, his hands is full inside and outside the 
 store, and so naturally he loses it a few customers 
 oncet in a while," Abe replied. "But, somebody's 
 got to have nerve in a business, Mawruss, and if I 
 
 223
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 waited for you to make suggestions we would never 
 get nowhere." 
 
 Morris searched his mind for an appropriate re- 
 joinder, and had just formulated a particularly bitter 
 jibe when the store door opened to admit two shab- 
 bily-dressed females. 
 
 "Here, you," Abe called, "operators goes around 
 the alley." 
 
 The elder of the two females drew herself up 
 haughtily. 
 
 "Operators!" she said with a scornful rising in- 
 flection. 
 
 "Finishers, also," Abe continued. "This here 
 door is for customers." 
 
 "You don't know me, Potash," she retorted. 
 "Might you don't know this lady neither, maybe?" 
 
 She indicated her companion, who turned a mourn- 
 ful gaze upon the astonished Abe. 
 
 "But we know you, Potash," she went on. "We 
 know you already when you didn't have it so much 
 money what you got now." 
 
 Her companion nodded sadly. 
 
 "So, Potash," she concluded, "your own wife's 
 people is operators and finishers; what?" 
 
 Abe looked at Morris, who stood grinning broadly 
 in the show-room doorway. 
 
 "Give me an introduction once, Abe," Morris 
 said. 
 
 "He don't have to give us no introduction," the 
 elder female exclaimed. "Me, I am Mrs. Sarah 
 
 224
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 Mashkowitz, and this here lady is my sister, Mrs. 
 Blooma Sheikman, geborn Smolinski. ' ' 
 
 "That ain't my fault that you got them names," 
 Abe said. "I see it now that you're my wife's fath- 
 er's brother's daughter, ain't it? So if you're going 
 to make a touch, make it. I got business to attend 
 to." 
 
 "We ain't going to make no touch, Potash," Mrs. 
 Mashkowitz declared. "We would rather die first." 
 
 "All right," Abe replied heartlessly. "Die if you 
 got to. You can't make me mad." 
 
 Mrs. Mashkowitz ignored Abe's repartee. 
 
 "We don't ask nothing for ourselves, Potash," she 
 said, "but we got it a sister, your wife's own cousin, 
 Miriam Smolinski. She wants to get married. ' ' 
 
 "I'm agreeable," Abe murmured, "and I'm sure 
 my Eosie ain't got no objections neither." 
 
 Mrs. Sheikman favored him with a look of con- 
 tempt. 
 
 "What chance has a poor girl got it to get mar- 
 ried?" she asked. 
 
 "When she ain't got a dollar in the world," Mrs. 
 Mashkowitz added. "And her own relatives from 
 her own blood is millionaires already." 
 
 "If you mean me," Abe replied, "I ain't no mil- 
 lionaire, I can assure you. Far from it." 
 
 "Plenty of money you got it, Potash," Mrs. 
 Mashkowitz said. "Five hundred dollars to you is 
 to me like ten cents." 
 
 "He don't think no more of five hundred dollars 
 
 225
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 than you do of your life, lady, ' ' Morris broke in with 
 a raucous laugh. 
 
 "Do me the favor, Mawruss," Abe cried, "and 
 tend to your own business. ' ' 
 
 "Sure," Morris replied, as he turned to go. "I 
 thought I was helping you out, Abe, that's all." 
 
 He repaired to the rear of the store, while Abe 
 piloted his two visitors into the show-room. 
 
 "Now what is it you want from me?" he asked. 
 
 "Not a penny she got it," Mrs. Mashkowitz de- 
 clared, breaking into tears. "And she got a fine 
 young feller what is willing to marry her and wants 
 it only five hundred dollars." 
 
 "Only five hundred dollars," Mrs. Sheikman 
 moaned. "Only five hundred dollars. Ai vait" 
 
 "Five hundred dollars!" Abe exclaimed. "If 
 you think you should cry till you get five hundred dol- 
 lars out of me, you got a long wet spell ahead of you. 
 That's all I got to say." 
 
 "Might he would take two hundred and fifty dol- 
 lars, maybe," Mrs. Sheikman suggested hopefully 
 through her tears." 
 
 "Don't let him do no favors on my account," Abe 
 said; "because, if it was two hundred and fifty but- 
 tons it wouldn't make no difference to me." 
 
 "A fine young feller," Mrs. Mashkowitz sobbed. 
 "He got six machines and two hundred dollars saved 
 up and wants to go into the cloak and suit contract- 
 ing business. ' ' 
 
 "Only a hundred dollars if the poor girl had it," 
 
 26
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 Mrs. Sheikman burst forth again; "maybe he would 
 be satisfied." 
 
 "S 'enough!" Abe roared. "I heard enough al- 
 ready. ' ' 
 
 He banged a sample table with his fist and Mrs. 
 Sheikman jumped in her seat. 
 
 "That's a heart what you got it," she said bit- 
 terly, "like Haman." 
 
 "Haman was a pretty good feller already com- 
 pared to me, ' ' Abe declared ; * ' and also I got business 
 to attend to." 
 
 "Come, Sarah," Mrs. Sheikman cried. "What's 
 the use talking to a bloodsucker like him ! ' ' 
 
 "Wait!" Mrs. Mashkowitz pleaded; "I want to 
 ask him one thing more. If Miriam got it this young 
 feller for a husband, might you would give him some 
 of your work, maybe ? ' ' 
 
 "Bloodsuckers don't give no work to nobody," 
 Abe replied firmly. "And also will you get out of 
 my store, or will you be put out?" 
 
 He turned on his heel without waiting for an an- 
 swer and joined Morris in the rear of the store. 
 
 Ten minutes later he was approached by Jake, the 
 shipping-clerk. 
 
 "Mr. Potash," Jake said, "them two ladies in the 
 show-room wants to know if you would maybe give 
 that party they was talking about a recommendation 
 to the President of the Kosciusko Bank?" 
 
 "Tell 'em," Abe said, "I'll give 'em a recom- 
 mendation to a policeman if they don't get right out 
 
 227
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 of here. The only way what a feller should deal with 
 a nervy proposition like that, Mawruss, is to squash 
 it in the hud." 
 
 In matters pertaining to real estate Marks Henoch- 
 stein held himself to he a virtuoso. 
 
 "If anyone can put it through, I can," was his 
 motto, and he tackled the job of procuring an uptown 
 loft for Potash & Perlmutter with the utmost confi- 
 dence. 
 
 "In the first place," he said when he called the next 
 day, "you hoys has got too much room." 
 
 "Boys!" Morris exclaimed. "Since when did we 
 go to school together, Henochstein f" 
 
 "Anyhow, you got too much room, ain't yer?" 
 Henochstein continued, his confidence somewhat di- 
 minished by the rebuff. "You could get your work- 
 rooms and show-rooms all on one floor, and be- 
 sides " 
 
 Morris raised his hand like a traffic policeman halt- 
 ing an obstreperous truckman. 
 
 "S 'enough, Henochstein," he said. "S 'enough 
 about that. We ain't giving you no pointers in the 
 real-estate business, and we don't want no suggestions 
 about the cloak and suit business neither. We asked 
 it you to get us two lofts on Seventeenth, Eighteenth 
 or Nineteenth Street, the same size as here and for 
 the same what we pay it here rent. If you can't do 
 it let us know, that's all, and we get somebody else 
 to do it. Y 'under stand?" 
 
 "Oh, I can do it all right." 
 
 213
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 "Sure he can do it," Abe said encouragingly. 
 
 "And I'll bring you a list as big as the tele 
 phone directory to-morrow," Henochstein added as 
 he went out "But all the same, boys I mean 
 Mr. Perlmutter I don't think you need it all that 
 space. ' ' 
 
 "That's a fresh real-estater for you, Abe," Morris 
 said after Henochstein left. "Wants to tell it us our 
 business and calls us boys yet, like we was friends 
 from the old country already." 
 
 "Oh, I don't know, Mawruss," Abe replied. "He 
 means it good, I guess; and anyway, Mawruss, we 
 give so much of our work out by contractors, we 
 might as well give the whole thing out and be done 
 with it. We might as well have one loft with the 
 cutting-room in the back and a rack for piece goods. 
 Then the whole front we could fit it up as an office 
 and show-room yet, and we would have no noise of 
 the machines and no more trouble with garment- 
 makers ' unions nor nothing. I think it 's a good idee 
 sending out all the work." 
 
 * ' Them contractors makes enough already on what 
 we give them, Abe," Morris replied. "I bet yer 
 Satinstein buys real estate on what he makes from 
 us, Abe, and Ginsburg & Kaplan also." 
 
 "Well, the fact is, Mawruss," Abe went on, "I 
 ain't at all satisfied with the way what Satinstein 
 treats us, Mawruss, nor Ginsburg & Kaplan neither. 
 I got an idee, Mawruss : we should give all our work 
 to a decent, respectable young feller what is going to 
 
 25 Potash & Per!m*tter. 229
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 marry a cousin of my wife, by the name Miriam 
 Smolinski." 
 
 Morris looked long and hard at Abe before reply- 
 ing. 
 
 "So, Abe," he said, "you squashed it in the bud!" 
 
 "Well, them two women goes right up and sees my 
 Rosie yesterday, Mawruss," Abe admitted; "and so 
 my Rosie thinks it wouldn't do us no harm that we 
 should maybe give the young feller a show." 
 
 "Is your wife Rosie running this business, Abe, 
 or are we?" Morris asked. 
 
 "It ain't a question what Rosie thinks, Mawruss," 
 Abe explained; "it's what I think, too. I think we 
 should give the young feller a show. He's a decent, 
 respectable young feller, Mawruss." 
 
 "How do I know that, Abe?" Morris replied. "I 
 ain't never seen him, Abe; I don't even know his 
 name. ' ' 
 
 "What difference does that make it, Mawruss?" 
 said Abe. "I ain't never seen him neither, Maw- 
 russ, and I don't know his name, too; but he could 
 make up our line just as good, whether his name was 
 Thomassheffsky or Murphy. Also, what good would 
 it do us if we did see him first? I'm sure, Mawruss, 
 we ain't giving out our work to Satinstein because 
 he's a good-looking feller, and Ginsburg & Kaplan 
 ain't no John Drews neither, so far what I hear it, 
 Mawruss." 
 
 "That ain't the idee, Abe," Morris broke in; "the 
 idee is that we got to give up doing our work in our 
 
 230
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 own shop and send it out by a contractor just starting 
 in as a new beginner already a young feller what 
 you don't know and I don't know, Abe and all 
 this we got to do just because you want it, Abe. Me, 
 I am nothing here, Abe, and you are everything. 
 You are the dawg and I am the tail. You are the 
 oitermobile and I am the smell, and that's the way 
 it goes." 
 
 "Who says that, Mawruss?" Abe interposed. "I 
 didn't say it." 
 
 "You didn't say it, Abe," Morris went on, "but 
 you think it just the same, and I'm going to show you 
 differencely. I am content that we move, Abe, only 
 we ain't going to move unless we can find it two lofts 
 for the same rent what we pay it here. And we ain't 
 going to have less room than we got it here neither, 
 Abe, because if we move we're going to do our own 
 business just the same like we do it here, and that's 
 flat." 
 
 For the remainder of the day Abe avoided any 
 reference to their impending removal, and it was not 
 until Henochstein entered the show-room the follow- 
 ing morning that the discussion was renewed. 
 
 "Well, boys," he said in greeting, "I got it a fine 
 loft for you on Nineteenth Street with twicet as much 
 floor space what you got here." 
 
 "A loft!" Morris cried. 
 
 "A loft," Henochstein repeated. 
 
 "One loft?" Morris asked. 
 
 "That's what I said," Henochstein replied, "one 
 
 231
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 loft with twicet as much floor space, and it's got light 
 on all " 
 
 Morris waved his hand for silence. 
 
 "Abe," he said, "this here Henochstein is a friend 
 of yours; ain't it?" 
 
 Abe nodded sulkily. 
 
 "Well, take him out of here," Morris advised, "be- 
 fore I kick him out." 
 
 He banged the show-room door behind him and 
 repaired to Wasserbauer's Cafe and Restaurant 
 across the street to await Henochstein 's departure. 
 
 "Mawruss is right," Abe declared. "You was 
 told distinctively we wanted it two lofts, not one, and 
 here you come back with a one-loft proposition." 
 
 Henochstein rose to leave. 
 
 "If you think it you could get two up-to-date lofts 
 on Seventeenth, Eighteenth or Nineteenth Street, 
 Abe, for what you pay it here in this dinky place, ' ' 
 he said, "you got another think coming." 
 
 He opened the show-room door. 
 
 "And also, Abe," he concluded, "if I got it a part- 
 ner what made it a slave of me, like Perlmutter does 
 you, I'd go it alone, that's all I got to say." 
 
 After Henochstein left, Abe was a prey to bitter 
 reflections, which were only interrupted by his part- 
 ner's return to the show-room a quarter of an hour 
 later. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris cried, "you got your turn at 
 this here moving business; let me try a hand at it 
 once. ' ' 
 
 232
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Go ahead, Mawruss," Abe said wearily. "You 
 always get your own way, anyhow. You say I am 
 the dawg, Mawruss, and you are the tail, but I guess 
 you got it the wrong way round. I guess the tail is 
 on the other foot." 
 
 Morris shrugged. 
 
 "That's something what is past already, Abe," he 
 replied. "I was just talking to Wasserbauer, and he 
 says he got it a friend what is a sort of a real-estater, 
 a smart young feller by the name Sam Slotkin. He 
 says if Slotkin couldn't find it us a couple of lofts, 
 nobody couldn't." 
 
 "I'm satisfied, Mawruss," Abe said. "If Slotkin 
 can get us lofts we move, otherwise we stay here. So 
 far we made it always a living here, Mawruss, and 
 I guess we ain't going to lose all our customers even 
 if we don't move; and that's all there is to it." 
 
 Mr. Sam Slotkin was doubtless his own ideal of a 
 well-dressed man. All the contestants in a chess 
 tournament could have played on his clothes at one 
 time, and the ox-blood stripes on his shirt exactly 
 matched the color of his necktie and socks. He had 
 concluded his interview with Morris on the morning 
 following Henochstein's fiasco, before Abe's arrival 
 at the office, and he was just leaving as Abe came in. 
 
 "Who's that, Mawruss?" Abe asked, staring after 
 the departing figure. 
 
 "That's Sam Slotkin," Morris replied. "He 
 looks like a bright young feller. ' ' 
 
 ' ' I bet yer he looks bright, ' ' Abe commented. ' ' He 
 
 233
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 looks so bright in them vaudeville clothes that it al- 
 most gives me eye-strain. I suppose he says he can 
 get us the lofts. ' * 
 
 "Sure," Morris answered; "he says he can fix us 
 up all right." 
 
 "I hope so," Abe said skeptically, and at once re- 
 paired to the office. It was the tail-end of a busy 
 season and Abe and Morris found no tune to renew 
 the topic of their forthcoming removal until two days 
 later when Sam Slotkin again interviewed Morris. 
 The result was communicated to Abe by Morris after 
 Slotkin 's departure. 
 
 "He says, Abe, that he thinks he's got the very 
 place for us, ' ' Morris said. 
 
 "He thinks he got it, Mawruss," Abe exclaimed. 
 "Well, we can't rip out our store here on the 
 strength of a think, Mawruss. When will he know 
 if he's got it?" 
 
 "To-morrow morning," Morris replied, and went 
 upstairs to the workroom, where the humming of 
 many machines testified to the last rush of the sea- 
 son's work. Abe joined him there a few minutes 
 later. 
 
 "Believe me, Mawruss," he said, "I'll be glad 
 when this here order for the Fashion Store is out. ' ' 
 
 "It takes a week yet, Goldman tells me," Morris 
 replied, "and I guess we might have to work nights 
 if they don't make it a hurry-up." 
 
 "Well, we're pretty late with that Fashion Store 
 delivery as it is, Mawruss," Abe replied. "It 
 
 234
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 wouldn't hurt none if we did work nights, Mawruss. 
 We ought to get that order out by the day after to- 
 morrow yet." 
 
 "You speak to 'em, Abe," Morris retorted, indi- 
 cating the working force by a wave of his hand. 
 
 "What have I got to do with it?" Abe asked. 
 "You're the inside man, Mawruss." 
 
 "To my sorrow, Abe," said Morris, "and if you 
 was the inside man you would know it that if I told 
 'em they was working on a rush order they'd strike 
 for more money already." 
 
 "And yet, Mawruss, you ain't in favor of giving 
 out our work by contractors, ' ' Abe cried as he walked 
 away. 
 
 The next morning Sam Slotkin was waiting in the 
 show-room before Abe or Morris arrived. When 
 they entered he advanced to meet them with a confi- 
 dent smile. 
 
 "I got it the very thing what you want, Mr. Perl- 
 mutter," he said. "A fine loft on Nineteenth 
 Street." 
 
 "A loft!" Abe exclaimed. 
 
 "A fine loft," Slotkin corrected. 
 
 "How big a loft?" Morris asked. 
 
 "Well, it is maybe twicet as big as this here," 
 Slotkin replied. "You could get into it all you* 
 machines and have a cutting-room and show-room 
 and office besides." 
 
 "That sounds pretty good, Abe," Morris com- 
 mented. "Don't you think so, Abe?" 
 
 235
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 Abe pulled off his coat with such force that he 
 ripped the sleeve-lining. 
 
 "What are you doing," he demanded, "making 
 jokes with me!" 
 
 "And it's only twenty dollars more a month as 
 you're paying here," Slotkin concluded. 
 
 "Twenty dollars a month won't make us or break 
 us, Abe," Morris said. 
 
 "It won't, hey?" Abe roared. "Well, that don't 
 make no difference, Mawruss. You said you wanted 
 it two lofts, and we got to have it two lofts. How do 
 you think we're going to sell goods and keep our 
 books, Mawruss, if we have all them machines kick- 
 ing up a racket on the same floor?" 
 
 "Well, Abe, might we could send our work out by 
 contractors, maybe," Morris answered with all the 
 vivacity of a man suggesting a new and brilliant 
 idea. 
 
 Abe stared at his partner for a minute. 
 
 "What's the matter with you, Morris, anyway?" 
 he asked at length. "First you say it we must have 
 two lofts and keep our work in our own shop, and 
 now you turn right around again. ' ' 
 
 "I got to talking it over with Minnie last night," 
 Morris replied, "and she thinks maybe if we give 
 our work out by contractors we wouldn't need it to 
 stay down so late, and then I wouldn't keep the 
 dinner waiting an hour or so every other night. 
 We lose it two good girls already by it in six 
 months." 
 
 236
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 "Who is running this business, Mawruss?" Abe 
 roared. "Minnie or us?" 
 
 Sam Slotkin listened with a slightly bored air. 
 
 "Gentlemen, gentlemen," he said, "what's the use 
 of it you make all this disturbance ? The loft is light 
 on all four sides, with two elevators. Also, it is 
 already big enough for " 
 
 "What are you butting in for?" Abe shouted. 
 "What business is it of yours, anyhow?" 
 
 "I am the broker," Sam Slotkin replied with sim- 
 ple dignity. "And also you're going to take that 
 loft. Otherwise I lose it three hundred dollars' com- 
 mission, and besides " 
 
 "My partner is right," Morris interrupted. 
 "You ain't got no business to say what we will or 
 will not do. If we want to take it we will take it, 
 otherwise not." 
 
 "Don't worry," Sam Slotkin cried, "you will take 
 it all right and I'll be back this afternoon for an 
 answer. ' ' 
 
 He put on his hat and left without another word, 
 while Abe and Morris looked at each other in blank 
 amazement. 
 
 "That's a real-estater for you," Abe said. "Hen- 
 ochstein 's got it pretty good nerve, Mawruss, but this 
 feller acts so independent like a doctor or a lawyer. ' ' 
 
 Morris nodded and started to hang up his hat and 
 coat, but even as his hand was poised half-way to the 
 hook it became paralyzed. Simultaneously Abe 
 looked up from the column of the Daily Cloak and 
 
 237
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 Suit Record and Miss Cohen, the bookkeeper, stopped 
 writing ; for the hum of sewing machines, which was 
 as much a part of their weekday lives as the beating 
 of their own hearts, had suddenly ceased. 
 
 Abe and Morris took the stairs leading to the upper 
 floor three at a jump, and arrived breathlessly in the 
 workroom just as fifty-odd employees were putting on 
 their coats preparatory to leaving. 
 
 "What's the matter?" Abe gasped. 
 
 "Strike," Goldman, the foreman, replied. 
 
 "A strike!" Morris cried. "What for a strike?" 
 
 Goldman shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 ( ' Comes a walking delegate by the opposite side of 
 the street and makes with his hands motions," he 
 explained. "So they goes out on strike." 
 
 Few of the striking operators could speak Eng- 
 lish, but those that did nodded their corroboration. 
 
 "For what you strike?" Morris asked them. 
 
 "Moost strike," one of them replied. "Ven vark- 
 ing delegate say moost strike, ve moost strike." 
 
 Sadly Abe and Morris watched their employees 
 leave the building, and then they repaired to the 
 show-room. 
 
 1 1 There goes two thousand dollars, Mawruss, ' ' Abe 
 said. "For so sure as you live, Mawruss, if we don't 
 make that delivery to the Fashion Store inside of a 
 week we get a cancelation by the next day's mail; 
 ain't it?" 
 
 Morris nodded gloomily, and they both remained 
 silent for a few minutes. 
 
 238
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 "Mawruss," Abe said at last, "where is that loft 
 what Slotkin gives us!" 
 
 "What do you want to know for?'* 
 
 "I'm going right up to have a look at it," Abe re- 
 plied. "I'm sick and tired of this here strike busi- 
 ness.'* 
 
 Morris heaved a great sigh. 
 
 "I believe you, Abe," he said. "The way I feel 
 it now we will sell for junk every machine what we 
 got." 
 
 Forthwith Abe boarded a car for uptown, and 
 when he returned two hours later he found Goldman 
 discussing ways and means with Morris in the show- 
 room. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris cried, "what for a loft you 
 seen it?" 
 
 Abe hung up his hat deliberately. 
 
 "I tell you the truth, Mawruss," he said, turning 
 around, "the loft ain't bad. It's a good-looking loft, 
 Mawruss, only it's certain sure we couldn't have no 
 machines in that loft." 
 
 "Ai vai!" Goldman exclaimed, rocking to and fro 
 in his chair and striking his head with his clenched 
 fist. 
 
 "Nu Goldman?" Morris asked. "What's the 
 trouble with you?" 
 
 ' ' Troubles enough he got it, Mawruss, ' ' Abe said, 
 as he watched Goldman's evolutions of woe. "If we 
 do away with our machines he loses his job; ain't 
 it?" 
 
 239
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 Sympathy seemed only to intensify Goldman's 
 distress. 
 
 "Better than that he should make me dizzy at my 
 stomach to watch him, Abe," Morns said. "I got 
 a suggestion." 
 
 Goldman ceased rocking and looked up. 
 
 "I got a suggestion, Abe," Morris went on, "that 
 we sell it our machines on long terms of credit to 
 Goldman, and he should go into the contracting busi- 
 ness; ain't it?" 
 
 " Ai vail" Goldman cried again, and commenced to 
 rock anew. 
 
 "Stop it, Goldman," Abe yelled. "What's the 
 trouble now ? ' ' 
 
 "What show does a feller got it what starts as a 
 new beginner in cloak contracting already?" Gold- 
 man wailed. 
 
 "Well," Abe replied, "you could get our work." 
 
 Morris seized on this as a happy compromise be- 
 tween his own advocacy of Ginsburg & Kaplan and 
 the rival claims of Abe's wife's relations. 
 
 "Sure," he agreed. "We will give him the work 
 what we give now to Satinstein and Ginsburg & Kap- 
 lan." 
 
 Goldman's face spread into a thousand wrinkles 
 of joy. 
 
 "You save my life!" he exclaimed. 
 
 ' ' Only he got to agree by a lawyer he should make 
 it up our work a whole lot cheaper as they did," Mor- 
 ris concluded 
 
 240
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 Goldman nodded vigorously. 
 
 "Sure, sure," he said. 
 
 "And also he got to help us call off this here 
 strike," Abe added. 
 
 "I do my bestest," Goldman replied. "Only we 
 got to see it the varking delegate first and fix it up 
 with him." 
 
 "Who is this walking delegate, anyhow?" Morris 
 asked. 
 
 Goldman scratched his head to aid his memory. 
 
 "I remember it now," he said at last. "It's a 
 feller by the name Sam Slotkin." 
 
 When Abe and Morris recovered from the shock 
 of Goldman's disclosure they vied with each other in 
 the strength of their resolutions not to move into 
 Sam Slotkin 's loft. "I wouldn't pay it not one cent 
 blackmail neither," Abe declared, "not if they kept 
 it up the strike for a year." 
 
 "Better as we should let that sucker do us, Abe," 
 Morris declared, "I would go out of the business 
 first; ain't it!" 
 
 Abe nodded and, after a few more defiant senti- 
 ments, they went upstairs with Goldman to estimate 
 the amount of work undone on the Fashion Store 
 order. 
 
 "Them Fashion people was always good customers 
 of ours, too, Mawruss," Abe commented, "and we 
 couldn't send the work out by contractors in this 
 shape. It would ruin the whole job. ' ' 
 
 Morris nodded sadly. 
 
 241
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 "If we could only get them devils of operators to 
 finish up," he said, "they could strike till they was 
 blue in the face yet." 
 
 "But I wouldn't pay one cent to that sucker, Slot- 
 Mn, Mawruss," Abe added. 
 
 "Sure not," Morris agreed. 
 
 "Might you wouldn't have to pay him nothing, 
 maybe, n Goldman suggested. 
 
 "What d'ye mean?" Abe cried. 
 
 "Might if you would take it the loft he would call 
 off the strike," said Goldman. 
 
 "That's so, Mawruss," Abe murmured, as though 
 this phase of the matter had just occurred to him for 
 the first time. 
 
 "Maybe Goldman is right, Abe," Morris replied. 
 "Maybe if we took it the loft Slotkin would call off 
 the strike." 
 
 "After all, Mawruss," Abe said, "the loft ain't a 
 bad loft, Mawruss. If it wasn't such a good loft, 
 Mawruss, I would say it no, Mawruss, we shouldn't 
 take the loft; but the loft is a first-class A Number 
 One loft." 
 
 "S 'enough, Abe," Morris replied. "You don't 
 have to tell it me a hundred times already. I ain't 
 disputing it's a good loft; and so if Slotkin calls off 
 the strike we take the loft. ' ' 
 
 At this juncture the store door opened and Slot 
 kin himself entered. 
 
 "Good afternoon, gents," he said. 
 
 Morris and Abe greeted him with a scowl. 
 
 242
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 1 1 1 suppose you come for an answer about that loft, 
 huh?" Morris snorted. 
 
 Slotkin stared at Abe indignantly. 
 
 " Excuse me, Mr. Perlmutter," he said, "I ain't 
 here as broker. I'll see you later about that already. 
 I come here now as varking delegate. ' ' 
 
 "Sure, I know," Abe replied. "When you 
 call it a strike on us this morning, that ain't got 
 nothing to do with our taking the loft. We believe 
 that, Slotkin; so go ahead and tell us something 
 else. ' ' 
 
 "It makes me no difference whether you believe it 
 or you don't believe it, Mr. Potash," Slotkin went 
 on. "All I got to say is that you signed it an agree- 
 ment with the union; ain't it?" 
 
 "Sure, we signed it," said Abe, "and we kept it, 
 too. We pay 'em always union prices and we keep 
 it union hours." 
 
 "Prices and hours is all right," Slotkin said, "but 
 in the agreement stands it you should give 'em a 
 proper place to work in it. ' ' 
 
 "Well," Morris cried, "ain't it a proper place here 
 to work in it?" 
 
 Slotkin shook his head. 
 
 "As varking delegate I seen it already. I seen it 
 your shop where your operators work," he com- 
 menced, "and " 
 
 "Why, you ain't never been inside our shop," 
 Goldman cried. 
 
 "I seen it from the outside from the street al- 
 
 243
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 ready and as varking delegate it is my duty to caH 
 on you a strike," Slotkin concluded. 
 
 "What's the matter with the work-room?" Abe 
 asked. 
 
 "Well, the neighborhod ain't right," Slotkin ex- 
 plained. "It's a narrow street already. It should 
 be on a wider street like Nineteenth Street. ' ' 
 
 He paused to note the effect and Morris grunted 
 involuntarily. 
 
 "Also," Slotkin continued, "it needs it light on 
 four sides, and two elevators." 
 
 "And I suppose if we hire it such a loft, Slotkin," 
 Abe broke in, "you will call off the strike." 
 
 "Sure I will call it off the strike," he declared. 
 "It would be my duty as varking delegate. I moost 
 call it off the strike." 
 
 "All right, then," Abe said; "call off the strike. 
 We made up our mind we will take the loft." 
 
 "You mean you will take such a loft what the 
 union agreement calls for and which I just described 
 it to you," Slotkin corrected in his quality of walk- 
 ing delegate. 
 
 "That's what we mean," Abe replied. 
 
 "Why, then, that loft what I called to your atten- 
 tion, as broker, this morning would be exactly what 
 you would need it!" Slotkin exclaimed, in the hearty 
 tones of a conscientious man, glad that for once the 
 performance of his official duty redounded to clean- 
 handed personal profit. 
 
 "Sure," Abe grunted. 
 
 244
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Then, as broker, I tell it you that the leases is 
 ready down at Henry D. Feldman's office," Slotkin 
 replied, * * and as soon as they are signed the strike is 
 off." 
 
 A week later the Fashion Store's order was fin- 
 ished, packed and shipped ; and on the same day that 
 Goldman, the foreman, dismissed the hands he went 
 down to Henry D. Feldman's office. There he signed 
 an agreement with Potash & Perlmutter to make up 
 all their garments in the contracting shop which he 
 proposed to open the first of the following month. 
 
 "Where are you going to have it your shop, Gold- 
 man?" Morris asked, after they had returned from 
 Feldman's. 
 
 "That I couldn't tell it you just yet," Goldman 
 replied. "We ain't quite decided yet." 
 
 " We ! " Abe cried excitedly. ' W^ho 's we ? " 
 
 "Well, I expect to get it a partner with a couple 
 of hundred dollars," Goldman said; "but, anyhow, 
 Mr. Potash, I get some cards printed next week and 
 I send you one." 
 
 "All right," Abe replied. "Only let me give it 
 you a piece of advice, Goldman : If you get it a part- 
 ner, don't make no mistake and have some feller what 
 wants to run you and the business and everybody 
 else, Goldman." 
 
 The thrust went home and Morris stared fiercely at 
 his partner. 
 
 "And you should see it also that his wife ain't got 
 no relations, Goldman," he added, "otherwise he'll 
 
 Z6 Potash & Perlm*tttr. 245
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 want you to share the profits of the business with 
 them." 
 
 Goldman nodded. 
 
 "Oh, I got a good, smart feller picked out, and 
 his wife's relations will be all right, too," he said, 
 as he started to leave. ' ' But, anyhow, Mr. Perlmut- 
 ter, I let you know next week. ' ' 
 
 About ten days afterward, while Morris and Abe 
 were in the throes of packing, prior to the removal 
 of their business, the letter-carrier entered with a 
 batch of mail, and Morris immediately took it into the 
 show-room. 
 
 "Here, Abe," he said, as he glanced at the first 
 envelope, "this is for you." 
 
 Then he proceeded to go through the remainder of 
 the pile. 
 
 "Holy smokes!" he cried, as he opened the next 
 envelope. 
 
 "What's the matter?" Abe asked. "Is it a fail- 
 ure?" He had read his own letter and held it be- 
 tween trembling fingers as he inquired. 
 
 "Look at this," Morris said, handing him a card. 
 
 It was a fragment of cheap pasteboard and bore 
 the following legend: 
 
 PHILIP GOLDMAN SAM J9LOTKIN 
 
 GOLDMAN & SLOTKIN 
 CLOAK AND SUIT CONTRACTORS 
 
 SPONGING AND EXAMINING 
 
 PIKE STREET NEW YORK 
 
 246
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 Abe read the card and handed it back in silence. 
 
 1 'Well, Abe," Morris cried, " that's a fine piece 
 of business. We not only got to take it the loft what 
 Slotkin picks out for us, but we also got to give 
 Slotkin our work also. ' ' 
 
 Abe shrugged his shoulders in an indifferent man- 
 ner. 
 
 "You always got to run things your way, Maw- 
 russ, ' ' he said. * * If you let me do it my way, Maw- 
 russ, we wouldn't of had no strike nor trouble nor 
 nothing, and it would of been the same in the 
 end." 
 
 "What d'ye mean?" Morris exclaimed. 
 
 "Look at this here," Abe replied, handing him 
 the letter. It was printed in script on heavily-coated 
 paper and read as follows : 
 
 MRS. SARAH MASHKOWITZ & MRS. BLOOMA 
 SHEIKMAN 
 
 SISTERS OF THE BRIDE 
 
 REQUEST THE HONOR OF YOUR CO. 
 
 AT THE MARRIAGE OF THEIR SISTER 
 
 MISS MIRIAM SMOLINSKI 
 
 TO 
 
 SAM SLOTKIN 
 
 ON SUNDAY OCT 3 1907 at 7 p M SHARP 
 NEW RIGA HALL ALLEN STREET 
 
 BRIDE'S RESIDENCE 
 
 CARE OF ROTHMAN'S CORSET STORE 
 
 4025 MADISON AVE 
 
 N Y CITY 
 
 LADIES AND GENTS WARDROBE CHECK 50c 
 247
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 CHAPTEE XH 
 
 <^7"ES, Mawruss," Abe Potash said to his partner 
 as they stood together and surveyed the 
 wild disorder of their business premises, 
 "one removal is worser as a fire. 7 ' 
 
 "Sure it is," Morris Perlmutter agreed. "A fire 
 you can insure it, Abe, but a removal is a risk what 
 you got to take yourself; and you're bound to make 
 it a loss." 
 
 "Not if you got a little system, Mawruss," Abe 
 went on. "The trouble with us is, Mawruss, we 
 ain't got no system. In less than three weeks al- 
 ready we got to move into the loft on Nineteenth 
 Street, Mawruss, and we ain't even made up our 
 minds about the fixtures yet." 
 
 "The fixtures!" Morris cried. "For why should 
 we make up our minds about the fixtures, Abe?" 
 
 "We need to have fixtures, Mawruss, ain't it?" 
 
 "What's the matter with the fixtures what we got 
 it here, Abe?" Morris asked. 
 
 "Them ain't fixtures what we got it here, Maw- 
 russ," Abe replied. "Junk is what we got It here, 
 Mawruss, not fixtures. If we was to move them 
 bum-looking racks and tables up to Nineteenth 
 Street, Mawruss, it would be like an insult to our 
 customers." 
 
 "Would it?" Morris replied. "Well, we ain't 
 
 248
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 asking 'em to buy the fixtures, Abe ; we only sell 'em 
 the garments. Anyhow, if our customers was so 
 touchy, Abe, they would of been insulted long 
 since ago. For we got them fixtures six years 
 already, and before we had 'em yet, Abe, Pin- 
 cus Vesell bought 'em, way before the Spanish 
 War, from Kupfennan & Daiches, and then Kupfer- 
 man & Daiches " 
 
 "S 'enough. Mawruss," Abe protested, "I ain't 
 asked you you should tell me the family history of 
 them fixtures, Mawruss. I know it as well as you 
 do, Mawruss, them fixtures is old-established back 
 numbers, and I wouldn't have 'em in the store even 
 if we was going to stay here yet." 
 
 "You wouldn't have 'em in the store," Morris 
 broke in; "but how about me? Ain't I nobody here, 
 Abe ? I think I got something to say, too, Abe. So I 
 made up my mind we're going to keep them 
 fixtures and move 'em up to the new store. We 
 done it always a good business with them fixtures, 
 Abe." 
 
 "Yes, Mawruss, and we also lose it a good cus- 
 tomer by 'em, too," Abe rejoined. "You know as 
 well as I do that after one-eye Feigenbaum, of the 
 H. F. Cloak Company, run into that big rack over by 
 the door and busted his nose we couldn't sell him no 
 more goods." 
 
 "Was it the rack's fault that Henry Feigenbaum 
 only got one eye, Abe?" Morris cried. "Anyhow, 
 Abe, when a feller got a nose like Henry Feigen- 
 
 249
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 baum, Abe, he's liable to knock it against most any- 
 thing, Abe; so you couldn't blame it on the fix- 
 tures." 
 
 "I don't know who was to blame, Mawruss," 
 Abe said, "but I do know that he buys it always 
 a big bill of goods from H. Rifkin, what's got 
 that loft on the next floor above where we took 
 it on Nineteenth Street, and Rifkin does a big 
 business by him. I bet yer Feigenbaum's account 
 is easy worth two thousand a year net to Rifkin, 
 Mawruss. ' ' 
 
 "Maybe it is and maybe it ain't, Abe," Morris 
 rejoined, "but that ain't here nor there. .Instead 
 you should be estimating Rif kin's profits, Abe, you 
 should better be going up to Nineteenth Street and 
 see if them people gets through painting and clean- 
 ing up. I got it my hands full down here." 
 
 Abe reached for his hat. 
 
 "I bet yer you got your hands full, Mawruss," 
 he grumbled. "The way it looks, now, Mawruss, 
 you got our sample lines so mixed up it'll be out of 
 date before you get it sorted out again." 
 
 "All right," Morris retorted, "we'll get out a new 
 one. We don't care nothing about the expenses, 
 Abe. If the old fixtures ain 't good enough our sam- 
 ple line ain't good enough, neither. Ain't it? What 
 do we care about money, Abe?" 
 
 He paused to emphasize the irony. 
 
 "No, Abe," he concluded, "don't you worry about 
 them samples, nor them fixtures, neither. You got 
 
 250
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 worry enough if you tend to your own business, Abe. 
 I'll see that them samples gets up to Nineteenth 
 Street in good shape.'* 
 
 Abe shrugged his shoulders and made for the 
 door. 
 
 "And them fixtures also, Abe," Morris shouted 
 after him. 
 
 The loft building on Nineteenth Street into which 
 Potash & Perlmutter proposed to move was an im- 
 posing fifteen-story structure. Burnished metal 
 signs of its occupants flanked its wide doorway, and 
 the entrance hall gleamed with gold leaf and plaster 
 porphyry, while the uniform of each elevator attend- 
 ant would have graced the high admiral of a South 
 American Navy. 
 
 So impressed was Abe with the magnificence of his 
 surroundings that he forgot to call his floor when he 
 entered one of the elevators, and instead of alighting 
 at the fifth story he was carried up to the sixth floor 
 before the car stopped. 
 
 Seven or eight men stepped out with him and 
 passed through the door of H. Eif kin's loft, while 
 Abe sought the stairs leading to the floor below. He 
 walked to the westerly end of the hall, only to find 
 that the staircase was at the extreme easterly end, 
 and as he retracd his footsteps a young man whom 
 he recognized as a clerk in the office of Henry D. 
 Feldman, the prominent cloak and suit attorney, 
 was pasting a large sheet of paper on H. Eifkin's 
 door. 
 
 251
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 It bore the following legend : 
 
 CLOSED 
 BY ORDER OF THE FEDERAL RECEIVER 
 
 HENRY D. FELDMAN 
 Attorney for Petitioning Creditors 
 
 Abe stopped short and shook the sticky hand of the 
 bill-poster. 
 
 "How d'ye do, Mr. Feinsteinf " he said. 
 
 "Ah, good morning, Mr. Potash," Feinstein cried 
 in his employer's best tone and manner. 
 
 "What's the matter? Is Rifkin in trouble t" 
 
 "Oh, no," Feinstein replied ironically. "Rifkin 
 ain't in trouble; his creditors is in trouble, Mr. Pot- 
 ash. The Federal Textile Company, ten thousand 
 four hundred and eighty-two dollars; Miller, Field & 
 Simpson, three thousand dollars; the Kosciusko 
 Bank, two thousand and fifty." 
 
 Abe whistled his astonishment. 
 
 "I always thought he done it such a fine busi- 
 ness," he commented. 
 
 "Sure he done it a fine business," the law clerk 
 said. "I should say he did done it a fine business. 
 If he got away with a cent he got away with fifty 
 thousand dollars." 
 
 "Don't nobody know where he skipped to?" 
 
 "Only his wife," Fernstein replied, "and she left 
 home yesterday. Some says she went to Canada and 
 some says to Mexico ; but they mostly goes to Brook- 
 lyn, and who in blazes could find her there?" 
 
 252
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 Abe nodded solemnly. 
 
 "But come inside and give a look around," Fein- 
 stein said hospitably. "Maybe there's something 
 you would like to buy at the receiver's sale next 
 week. ' ' 
 
 Abe handed Feinstein a cigar, and together they 
 went into Bif kin's loft. 
 
 "He's got some fine fixtures, ain't it?" Abe said 
 as he gazed upon the mahogany and plate-glass fur- 
 nishings of Bif kin 's office. 
 
 "Sure he has," Feinstein replied nonchalantly, 
 scratching a parlor match on the veneered shelf 
 under the cashier's window. The first attempt 
 missed fire, and again he drew a match across the 
 lower part of the partition, leaving a great scar on 
 its polished surface. 
 
 "Ain't you afraid you spoil them fixtures?" Abe 
 asked. 
 
 "They wouldn't bring nothing at the receiver's 
 sale, anyhow, ' ' Feinstein replied, * ' even though they 
 are pretty near new." 
 
 "They must have cost him a pretty big sum, ain't 
 it?" Abe said. 
 
 "They didn't cost him a cent," Feinstein an- 
 swered, "because he ain't paid a cent for 'em. Flaum 
 & Bingler sold 'em to him, and they're one of the 
 petitioning creditors. Twenty-one hundred dollars 
 they got stung for, and they ain't got no chattel mort- 
 gage nor nothing. Look at them racks there and all 
 them mirrors and tables! Good enough for a 
 
 253
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 saloon. I bet yer them green baize doors, what he 
 put inside the regular door, is worth pretty near a 
 hundred dollars." 
 
 Abe nodded again. 
 
 "And I bet the whole shooting-match don't fetch 
 five hundred dollars at the receiver's sale," Fein- 
 stein said. 
 
 "Why, I'd give that much for it myself," Abe 
 cried. 
 
 Feinstein puffed away at his cigar for a minute. 
 
 "Do you honestly mean you'd like to buy them 
 fixtures f " he said at last. 
 
 ' ' Sure I 'd like to buy them, ' ' Abe replied. ' ' When 
 is the receiver's sale going to be?" 
 
 "Next week, right after the order of adjudica- 
 tion is signed. But that won't do you no good. 
 The dealers would bid 'em up on you, and you 
 wouldn't stand no show at all. What you want to 
 do is to buy 'em from the receiver at private sale." 
 
 "So?" Abe commented. "Well, how would I go 
 about that?" 
 
 Feinstein pulled his hat over his eyes and, rest- 
 ing his cigar on the top of Rifkin's desk with the 
 lighted end next to the wood, he drew Abe toward 
 the rear of the office. 
 
 "Leave that to me," he said mysteriously. "Of 
 course, you couldn't expect to get them fixtures 
 much under six hundred dollars at private sale, be- 
 cause it's got to be done under the direction of the 
 court; but for fifty dollars I could undertake to let 
 
 254
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 you in on 'em for, say, five hundred and seventy, 
 five dollars. How 's that ? ' ' 
 
 Abe puffed at his cigar before replying. 
 
 "I got to see it my partner first," he said. 
 
 "That's all right, too," Feinstein rejoined; "but 
 there was one dealer in here this morning already. 
 As soon as the rest of 'em get on to this here failure 
 they'll be buzzing around them fixtures like flies in 
 a meat market, and maybe I won't be able to put it 
 through for you at all." 
 
 ' ' I teU you what I '11 do, ' ' Abe said. " I'll go right 
 down to the store and I'll be back here at two 
 o 'clock. ' ' 
 
 "You've got to hustle if you want them fixtures," 
 he said. 
 
 "I bet yer I got to hustle," Abe said, his eyes fixed 
 on the marred surface of the desk, "for if you're 
 going to smoke many more cigars around here them 
 fixtures won't be no more good to nobody." 
 
 "That don't harm 'em none," Feinstein replied. 
 "A cabinetmaker could fix that up with a piece of 
 putty and some shellac so as you wouldn't know it 
 from new." 
 
 "But if I buy it them fixtures," Abe concluded, as 
 he turned toward the door, "I'd as lief have 'em with- 
 out putty, if it's all the same to you." 
 
 "Sure," Feinstein replied, and no sooner had Abe 
 disappeared into the hall than he drew a morning 
 paper from his pocket and settled down to his duties 
 as keeper for the Federal receiver by selecting the 
 
 255
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEE 
 
 most comfortable chair in the room and cocking up 
 his feet against the side of Eifkin's desk. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris cried as his partner entered 
 the store half an hour later, "I give you right." 
 
 ' ' You give me right ? ' ' Abe repeated. ' ' What d 'ye 
 mean?" 
 
 " About them fixtures," Morris explained. "I give 
 you right. Them fixtures is nothing but junk, and 
 we got to get some new ones." 
 
 "Sure we got to get some new ones, Mawruss," 
 Abe agreed, "and I seen it the very thing what we 
 want up at H. Eifkin's place." 
 
 "H. Eifkin's place," Morris exclaimed. 
 
 ' * That 's what I said, ' ' Abe replied. ' ' I got an idee, 
 Mawruss, we should buy them fixtures what H. Eif- 
 kin got." 
 
 "Is that so?" Morris retorted. "Well, why 
 should we buy it fixtures what H. Eifkin throws 
 out?" 
 
 'He don't throw 'em out, Mawruss," Abe said. 
 "He ain't got no more use for 'em, Mawruss. He 
 busted up this morning." 
 
 "You can't make me feel bad by telling me that, 
 Abe," Morris rejoined. "A sucker what takes frcm 
 us a good customer like Henry Feigenbaum should of 
 busted up long since already. But that ain't the 
 point, Abe. If we 're going to get it fixtures, we don't 
 want no second-hand articles." 
 
 "They ain't no second-hand articles, Mawruss," 
 Abe explained. "They're pretty near brand-new, 
 
 256
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEE 
 
 and I got a particular reason why we should buy 
 them fixtures, Mawruss." 
 
 He paused for some expression of curiosity from 
 his partner, but Mawruss merely pursed his lips and 
 looked bored. 
 
 "Yes, Mawruss," Abe went on, "I got it a par- 
 ticular reason why we should buy them fixtures, 
 Mawruss. You see, this here Eifkin got it the loft 
 right upstairs one flight from us, Mawruss, and nat- 
 urally he's got it lots of out-of-town trade what don't 
 know he's busted yet, Mawruss." 
 
 "No?" Morris vouchsafed. 
 
 1 ' So these here out-of-town customers comes up to 
 see Eifkin. They gets in the elevator and they says 
 ' Sixth, ' see I And the elevator man thinks they says 
 * Fifth, ' and he lets 'em off at our floor because there 
 ain't nobody on the sixth floor. Well, Mawruss, we 
 leave our store door open, and the customer sees Eif- 
 kin 's fixtures inside, so he walks in and thinks he's 
 in Eifkin 's place. Before he finds out he ain't, Maw- 
 russ, we sell him a bill of goods ourselves." 
 
 Morris stared at Abe in silent contempt. 
 
 "Of course, Mawruss," Abe went on, "I'm only 
 saying they might do this, y 'understand, and cer- 
 tainly it would only be for the first week or so what 
 we are there, ain't it! But if we should only get it 
 one or two customers that way, Mawruss, them fix- 
 tures would pay for themselves. ' ' 
 
 "Dreams you got it, Abe," Morris cried. "You 
 think them customers would be blind, Abe! Ain't 
 
 257
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 they got eyes in their head ? Since when would they 
 mistake a back number like you for an up-to-date 
 feller like Eifkin, Abe?" 
 
 " Maybe I am a back number, Mawruss," Abe re- 
 plied, "but I know a bargain when I see it. Them 
 fixtures is practically this season's goods already. 
 Why, H. Eifkin ain't even paid for them yet." 
 
 "There ain't no seasons in fixtures, Abe," Morris 
 replied, "and besides, a feller like Eifkin could have 
 it fixtures for ten years without paying for 'em. He 
 could get 'em on the installment plan and give back 
 a chattel mortgage, Abe. You couldn't tell me noth- 
 ing about fixtures, Abe, because I know all about it. ' ' 
 
 "You don't seem to know much about it this morn- 
 ing when I spoke to you, Mawruss, ' ' Abe retorted. 
 
 ' ' Sure not, ' ' Morris said, ' ' but I learned it a whole 
 lot since. I got to thinking it over after you left. So 
 I rings up a feller by the name Flachsman, what is 
 corresponding secretary in the District Grand Lodge 
 of the Independent Order Mattai Aaron, which I be- 
 long it. This here Flachsman got a fixture business 
 over on West Broadway." 
 
 Abe nodded. He lit a fresh cigar to sustain him- 
 self against impending bad news. 
 
 "And this here Flachsman comes around here half 
 an hour ago and shows me pictures from fixtures, 
 Abe ; and he got it such elegant fixtures like a bank or 
 a saloon, which he could put it in for us for two 
 thousand dollars." 
 
 "Two thousand dollars !" Abe cried. 
 
 258
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 "Well, twenty-two fifty," Morris amended. 
 "Comes to about the same with cash discount. 
 Flachsman tells me he seen the kind of loft we got 
 and knows it also the measurements ; so I think to my- 
 self what's the use waiting. Abe wants it we should 
 buy the fixtures, and we ain't got no time to lose. So 
 I signed the contract." 
 
 Abe sat down heavily in the nearest chair and 
 pushed his hat back from his forehead. 
 
 "Yes, Mawruss," he said bitterly, "that's the way 
 it goes when a feller's got a partner what is change- 
 able like Paris fashions. You are all plain one min- 
 ute, and the next you are all soutache and buttons. 
 This morning you wouldn't buy no fixtures, not if you 
 could get 'em for nix, and a couple hours later you 
 throw it away two thousand dollars in the streets." 
 
 Morris glared indignantly at his partner. 
 
 "You are the changeable one, Abe," he cried, "not 
 me. This morning old fixtures to you is junk. 
 Ain't it? You got to have new fixtures and that's 
 all there is to it. But now, Abe, new fixtures is 
 poison to you, and you got to have second-hand 
 fixtures. What's the matter with you, anyway, 
 Abe?" 
 
 "I told it you a dozen times already, Mawruss," 
 Abe replied, "them ain't' no exactly second-hand fix- 
 tures what Bifkin got it. Them fixtures is like new 
 fine mahogany partitions and plated glass. 
 
 "That's what we bought it, Abe," Morris said, 
 "fine mahogany partitions with plated glass. If you 
 
 259
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 wouldn't jump so much over me, I would of told you 
 about it. ' ' 
 
 Abe shrugged despairingly. 
 
 * * Go ahead, ' ' he said. ' * I ain 't jumping over you. ' ' 
 
 "Well, in the first place, Abe," Morris went on, 
 "there's a couple of swinging doors inside the hall 
 door." 
 
 "Just like Rifkin's," Abe interrupted. 
 
 "Better as Rif kin's," Morris exclaimed. "Them 
 doors is covered with goods, Abe, and holes in each 
 door with glass into it. ' ' 
 
 "Sure, I know," Abe replied. "Rif kin's doors 
 got green cashmere onto 'em like a pool table. ' ' 
 
 "Only new, not second-hand," Morris added. 
 * ' Then, when you get through them doors, on the left 
 side is the office with mahogany partitions and plated 
 glass, with a hole into it like a bank already. ' ' 
 
 "Sure! The same what I seen it up at Rif kin's, 
 Mawruss," Abe broke in again. 
 
 Morris drew himself up and scowled at Abe. 
 
 "How many times should I tell it you, Abe," he 
 cried, "them fixtures what Flachsman sells it us is 
 new, and not like Rifkin's." 
 
 "Go ahead, Mawruss," Abe replied. "Let's hear 
 it." 
 
 "Over the hole is a sign, Cashier," Morris con- 
 tinued. 
 
 Abe was about to nod again, but at a warning 
 glance from Morris he thought better of it. 
 
 "But I told it Flachsman we ain't got no cashier, 
 
 260
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 only a bookkeeper, ' ' Morris said, ' ' and so he says he 
 could put it Bookkeeper over the hole. Inside the 
 office is two desks, one for you and me, and a high one 
 for the bookkeeper behind the hole. On the right- 
 hand side as you go inside them pool-table doors is 
 another mahogany partition, and back of that is the 
 cutting-room already. Then you walk right straight 
 ahead, and between them two partitions is like a hall- 
 way, what leads to the front of the loft, and there is 
 the show-room with showcases, racks and tables like 
 what I got it a list here.'* 
 
 "And the whole business will cost it us two thou- 
 sand dollars, Mawruss," Abe commented. 
 
 "Two thousand two hundred and fifty," Morris 
 said. 
 
 "Well, all I got to say is we would get it the posi- 
 tively same identical thing by H. Rif kin's place for 
 six hundred dollars, ' ' Abe concluded. 
 
 He rose to his feet and took off his hat and coat. 
 
 "What did you say this here feller Flachsman was 
 in the district lodge of the 1. 0. M. A., Mawruss?" 
 he inquired. 
 
 "Corresponding secretary," Morris replied. 
 "What for you ask, Abe?" 
 
 "Oh, nothing," Abe replied as he turned away. 
 "Only, I was wondering what he would soak us for 
 them fixtures, Mawruss, if he would of been Grand 
 Master." 
 
 Ten days afterward the receiver in bankruptcy 
 sold Rif kin's stock and fixtures at auction, and when 
 
 XT Potash & Perlmutter. 261
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 Abe and Morris took possession of their new busi- 
 ness premises on the first of the following month the 
 topic of H. Rifkin's failure had ceased to be of inter- 
 est to the cloak and suit trade. Morris alone harped 
 upon it. 
 
 "Well, Abe," he said for the twentieth time, gazing 
 proudly around him, "what's the matter with them 
 fixtures what we got it? Huh? Ain't them fixtures 
 got H. Rifkin skinned to death?'* 
 
 Abe shook his head solemnly. 
 
 "Mind you, Mawruss," he began, "I ain't saying 
 them fixtures what we got it ain't good fixtures, y 'un- 
 der stand; but they ain't one, two, six with H. Rif- 
 kin's fixtures." 
 
 "That's what you say, Abe," Morris retorted, 
 "but Flachsman says different. I seen him at the 
 lodge last night, and he tells me them fixtures what 
 H. Rifkin got it was second quality, Abe. Flachs- 
 man says they wouldn't of stood being took 
 down and put up again. He says he wouldn't sell 
 them fixtures as second-hand to an East Broadway 
 concern, without being afraid for a comeback." 
 
 "Flachsman don't know what he's talking about," 
 Abe declared hotly. ' ' Them fixtures was A Number 
 One. I never seen nothing like 'em before or since. ' ' 
 
 "Bluffs you are making it, Abe," Morris replied. 
 "You seen them fixtures for ten minutes, maybe, Abe, 
 and in such a short time you couldn't tell nothing at 
 all about 'em." 
 
 "Couldn't I, Mawruss?" Abe said. "Well, them 
 
 262
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 fixtures was the kind what you wouldn't forget it if 
 you seen 'em for only five minutes. I bet yer I 
 would know them anywhere, Mawruss, if I seen them 
 again, and what we got it here from Flachsman is a 
 weak imitation, Mawruss. That's all." 
 
 At this juncture a customer entered, and for half 
 an hour Morris busied himself displaying the line. 
 In the meantime Abe went out to lunch, and when he 
 entered the building on his return a familiar, bulky 
 figure preceded him into the doorway. 
 
 ' ' Hallo ! ' ' Abe cried, and the bulky figure stopped 
 and turned around. 
 
 * ' Hallo yourself ! " he said. 
 
 "You don't know me, Mr. Feigenbaum," Abe 
 went on. 
 
 "Why, how d'ye do, Mr. Potash?" Feigenbaum 
 exclaimed. * * What brings you way uptown here ? ' ' 
 
 "We m " Abe commenced "that is to say, I 
 
 come up here to see a party. I bet yer we're going 
 to the same place, Mr. Feigenbaum." 
 
 "Maybe," Mr. Feigenbaum grunted. 
 
 "Sixth floor, hey?" Abe cried jocularly, slapping 
 Mr. Feigenbaum on the shoulder. 
 
 Mr. Feigenbaum 's right eye assumed the glassy 
 stare which was permanent in his left. 
 
 "What business is that from yours, Potash?" he 
 asked. 
 
 * ' Excuse me, Mr. Feigenbaum, ' ' Abe said with less 
 jocularity, "I didn't mean it no harm." 
 
 Together they entered the elevator, and Abe 
 
 263
 
 POTASH & PERI^MUTTER 
 
 created a diversion by handing Mr. Feigenbaum a 
 large, black cigar with a wide red-and-gold band on 
 it. While Feigenbaum was murmuring his thanks 
 the elevator man stopped the car at the fifth floor. 
 
 "Here we are!" Abe cried, and hustled out of the 
 elevator ahead of Mr. Feigenbaum. He opened the 
 outer door of Potash & Perlmutter's loft with such 
 rapidity that there was no time for Feigenbaum to 
 decipher the sign on its ground-glass panel, and the 
 next moment they stood before the green-baize swing- 
 ing doors. 
 
 "After you, Mr. Feigenbaum," Abe said. He fol- 
 lowed his late customer up the passageway between 
 the mahogany partitions, into the show-room. 
 
 * * Take a chair, Mr. Feigenbaum, ' ' Abe cried, drag- 
 ging forward a comfortable, padded seat, into which 
 Feigenbaum sank with a sigh. 
 
 "I wish we could get it furniture like this up in 
 Bridgetown," Feigenbaum said. "A one-horse 
 place like Bridgetown you can't get nothing there. 
 Everything you got to come to New York for. We 
 are dead ones in Bridgetown. We don't know noth- 
 ing and we don 't learn nothing. ' ' 
 
 ' ' That 's right, Mr. Feigenbaum, ' ' Abe said. ' ' You 
 got to come to New York to get the latest wrinkles 
 about everything." 
 
 With one comprehensive motion he drew forward 
 a chair for himself and waved a warning to Morris, 
 who ducked behind a rack of cloaks in the rear of the 
 show-room. 
 
 264
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "You make yourself to home here, Potash, I must 
 say, ' ' Feigenbaum observed. 
 
 Abe grunted inarticulately and handed a match to 
 Feigenbaum, who lit his cigar, a fine imported one, 
 and blew out great clouds of smoke with every evi- 
 dence of appreciative enjoyment. 
 
 ' * Where 's Rif kin ? " he inquired between puffs. 
 
 Abe shook his head and smiled. 
 
 "You got to ask me something easier than that, Mr. 
 Feigenbaum, ' ' he murmured. 
 
 ' ' What d 'ye mean ? ' ' Feigenbaum cried, jumping to 
 his feet. 
 
 "Ain't you heard it yet?" Abe asked. 
 
 "I ain't heard nothing," Feigenbaum exclaimed. 
 
 ' ' Then sit down and I '11 tell you all about it, ' ' Abe 
 said. 
 
 Feigenbaum sat down again. 
 
 "You mean to tell me you ain't heard it nothing 
 about Rif kin ? ' ' Abe went on. 
 
 "Do me the favor, Potash, and spit it out," Feigen- 
 baum broke in impatiently. 
 
 "Well, Rif kin run away," Abe announced. 
 
 "Run away!" 
 
 ' ' That 's what I said, ' ' Abe went on. ' ' He made it 
 a big failure and skipped to the old country. ' ' 
 
 * * You don 't tell me ! ' ' Feigenbaum said. ' ' Why, I 
 used to buy it all my goods from Rif kin. ' ' 
 
 Abe leaned forward and placed his hand on Feigen- 
 baum 's knees. 
 
 "I know it," he murmured, "and oncet you used 
 
 265
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 to buy it all your goods from us, Mr. Feigenbaum. I 
 assure you, Mr. Feigenbaum, I don't want to mate no 
 bluffs nor nothing, but believe me, the line of gar- 
 ments what we carry and the line of garments what 
 H. Eifkin carried, there ain't no comparison. Mer- 
 chandise what H. Eifkin got in his place as leaders 
 already, I wouldn't give 'em junk room." 
 
 Mr. Feigenbaum nodded. 
 
 "Well, the fixtures what you was carrying at one 
 time, Potash, I wouldn't give 'em junk room neither," 
 Feigenbaum declared. "You're lucky I didn't sue 
 you in the courts yet for busting my nose against that 
 high rack of yours. I ain't never recovered from that 
 accident what I had in your place, Potash. I got it 
 catarrh yet, I assure you." 
 
 "Accidents could happen with the best regulations, 
 Mr. Feigenbaum," Abe cried, "and you see that here 
 we got it a fine new line of fixtures. ' ' 
 
 ' ' Not so good as what Eifkin carried, ' ' Feigenbaum 
 said. 
 
 "Eifkin carried fine fixtures, Mr. Feigenbaum," 
 Abe admitted, "but not so fine as what we got. We 
 got it everything up to date. You couldn't bump 
 your nose here, not if you was to get down on your 
 hands and knees and try." 
 
 "I wouldn't do it," Mr. Feigenbaum said solemnly. 
 
 "Sure not," Abe agreed. "But come and look 
 around our loft. We just moved in here, and every- 
 thing we got it is new fixtures and garments as 
 well." 
 
 266
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 "I guess you must excuse me. I ain't got much 
 time to spare, " Mr. Feigenbaum declared. "I got to 
 get along and buy my stuff." 
 
 Abe sprang to his feet. 
 
 "Buy it here!" he cried. He seized Feigenbaum 
 by the arm and propelled him over to the sample line 
 of skirts, behind which Morris cowered. 
 
 "Look at them goods," Abe said. "One or two of 
 them styles would be leaders for H. Bifkin. For us, 
 all them different styles is our ordinary line. ' ' 
 
 In turn, he displayed the rest of the firm's line and 
 exercised his faculties of persuasion, argument and 
 flattery to such good purpose that in less than an hour 
 Feigenbaum had bought three thousand dollars' 
 worth of garments, deliveries to be made within ten 
 days. 
 
 "And now, Mr. Feigenbaum," Abe said, "I want 
 you to look around our place. Mawruss is in the 
 office, and he would be delighted, I know, to see you. ' ' 
 
 He conducted his rediscovered customer to the 
 office, where Morris was seated at the roll-top 
 mahogany desk. 
 
 "Ah, Mr. Feigenbaum," Morris cried, effusively 
 seizing the newcomer by both hands, "ain't it a pleas- 
 ure to see you again ! Take a seat. ' ' 
 
 He thrust Feigenbaum into the revolving chair 
 that he had just vacated, and took the box of gilt-edge 
 customers' cigars out of the safe. 
 
 ' ' Throw away that butt and take a fresh cigar, ' ' he 
 exclaimed, handing Feigenbaum a satiny Invincible 
 
 267
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 with the broad band of the best Havana maker on it. 
 Feigenbaum received it with a smile, for he was now 
 completely thawed out. 
 
 "You got a fine place here, Mawruss," he said. 
 "Fixtures and everything A Number One, just like 
 Rif kin's." 
 
 "Better as Rif kin's," Morris declared. 
 
 "Well, maybe it is better in quality," Feigenbaum 
 admitted; "but, I mean, in arrangement and color it 
 is just the same. Why, when I come in here with 
 Abe, an hour ago, I assure you I thought I was in 
 Rif kin's old place. In fact, I could almost swear this 
 desk is the same desk what Rifkin had it." 
 
 He rose to his feet and passed his hand over the 
 top of the desk with the touch of a connoisseur. 
 
 "No," he said at last. "It ain't the same as Rif- 
 kin 's. Rif kin's desk was a fine piece of Costa Rica 
 mahogany without a flaw. I used to be in the furni- 
 ture business oncet, you know, Mawruss, and so I can 
 tell." 
 
 Abe flashed a triumphant grin on Morris, who 
 frowned in reply. 
 
 "But ain't this here desk that now what-yer- 
 call-it mahogany, too, Mr. Feigenbaum!" Morris 
 asked. 
 
 "Well, it's Costa Rica mahogany, all right," Fei- 
 genbaum said, "but it's got a flaw into it." 
 
 "A flaw?" Morris and Abe exclaimed with one 
 voice. 
 
 "Sure," Mr. Feigenbaum continued. "It looks to 
 
 268
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 me like somebody laid a cigar on to it and burned a 
 hole there. Then some cabinetmaker fixed it up yet 
 with colored putty and shellac. Nobody would notice 
 nothing except an expert like me, though. ' ' 
 
 Feigenbaum looked at Morris ' glum countenance 
 with secret enjoyment, but when he turned to Abe he 
 was startled into an exclamation, for Abe J s face was 
 ashen and large beads of perspiration stood out on 
 his forehead. 
 
 "What's the matter, Abe?" Feigenbaum cried. 
 "Are you sick?" 
 
 "My stummick," Abe murmured. "I'll be all 
 right in a minute ! ' ' 
 
 Feigenbaum took his hat and coat preparatory lo 
 leaving. 
 
 "Well, boys," he said genially, "you got to excuse 
 me. I must be moving on." 
 
 "Wait just a minute," Abe said. "I want you to 
 look at something." 
 
 He led Feigenbaum out of the office and down the 
 passageway between the mahogany partitions. In 
 front of the little cashier's window Abe stopped and 
 poini ed *o the shelf and panel beneath. 
 
 "Mr. Feigenbaum," he said in shaking tones, "do 
 you see something down there?" 
 
 Mr. Feigenbaum examined the woodwork closely. 
 
 "Yes, Abe," he answered. "I see it that some 
 loafer has been striking matches on it but it's 
 been all fixed up so that you wouldn't notice 
 nothing." 
 
 269
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 "S 'enough," Abe cried. "I'm much obliged to 
 you." 
 
 In silence Abe and Morris ushered Mr. Feigen- 
 baum to the outer door, and as soon as it closed be- 
 hind him the two partners faced each other. 
 
 "What difference does it make, Abe?" Morris 
 said. "A little hole and a little scratch don't amount 
 to nothing." 
 
 Abe gulped once or twice before he could enun- 
 ciate. 
 
 "It don't amount to nothing, Mawruss," he 
 croaked. "Oh, no, it don't amount to nothing, but 
 sixteen hundred and fifty dollars." 
 
 "What d'ye mean?" Morris exclaimed. 
 
 "I mean this," Abe thundered: "I mean, we paid 
 twenty-two hundred and fifty dollars for what we 
 could of bought for six hundred dollars. Them fix- 
 tures what we bought it from Flachsman, he bought 
 it from Eif kin's bankruptcy sale. I mean that 
 these here fixtures are the positively same identical 
 fixtures what I seen it upstairs in H. Eif kin's 
 loft." 
 
 It was now Morris' turn to change color, and his 
 face assumed a sickly hue of green. 
 
 "How do you know that?" he gasped. 
 
 "Because I was in Eif kin's old place when that 
 lowlife Feinstein, what works for Henry D. Feldman, 
 had charge of it after the failure; and I seen Fein- 
 stein strike them matches and put his seegar on the 
 top from the desk." 
 
 270
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 He led the way back to the office and once more ex- 
 amined the flaw in the mahogany. 
 
 "Yes, Mawruss," he said, "two thousand two hun- 
 dred and fifty dollars we got to pay it for this here 
 junk. Twenty-two hundred and fifty dollars, Maw- 
 russ, you throw it into the street for damaged, 
 second-hand stuff what ain't worth two hun- 
 dred." 
 
 "Why, you say it yourself you wanted to pay six 
 hundred for it, Abe," Morris protested, "and you 
 said it was first-class, A Number One fixtures." 
 
 * ' Me, Mawruss ! ' ' Abe exclaimed. " I 'm surprised 
 to hear you should talk that way, Mawruss. I knew 
 all the time that them fixtures was bum stuff. I only 
 wanted to buy 'em because I thought that they would 
 bring us some of Eif kin's old customers, Mawruss, 
 and I was right." 
 
 "You're always right, Abe," Morris retorted. 
 "Maybe you was right when you said Feinstein made 
 them marks, Abe, and maybe you wasn't. Feinstein 
 ain't the only one what scratches matches and smokes 
 seegars, Abe. You smoke, too, Abe." 
 
 "All right, Mawruss," Abe said. "I scratched 
 them matches and burnt that hole, if you think so; 
 but just the same, Mawruss, if I did or if I didn't, Ike 
 Flachsman done us, anyhow." 
 
 "How d'ye know that, Abe?" Morris blurted out. 
 "I don't believe them fixtures is Eif kin's fixtures at 
 all, and I don't believe that Flachsman bought 'em at 
 Eifkin's sale. What's more, Abe, I'm going to get 
 
 271
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 Feinstein on the 'phone right away and find out who 
 did buy 'em." 
 
 He went to the telephone immediately and rang up 
 Henry D. Feldman's office. 
 
 "Hallo, Mr. Feinstein," he said, after the connec- 
 tion had been made. "This is Mawruss Perlmutter, 
 of Potash & Perlmutter. You know them fixtures 
 whatH. Rifkinhadit?" 
 
 "I sure do," Feinstein replied. 
 
 "Well, who bought it them fixtures at the receiv- 
 er's sale?" 
 
 "I got to look it up," Feinstein said. "Hold the 
 wire for a minute." 
 
 A moment later he returned to the 'phone. 
 
 "Hallo, Mr. Perlmutter," he said. "They sold 
 for three hundred dollars to a dealer by the name 
 Isaac Flachsman." 
 
 CHAPTER Xm 
 
 AY, looky here, Abe, ' ' Morris cried one rainy 
 March morning, "we got to get some more 
 insurance. ' ' 
 
 "What do you mean, insurance?" Abe asked. 
 "We got enough insurance, Mawruss. Them Rif- 
 kin fixtures ain't so valuable as all that, Mawruss, 
 and even if we wouldn't already got it for twenty 
 thousand dollars, insurance, Mawruss, the building 
 is anyhow fireproof. In a fireproof building you 
 don't got to have so much insurance." 
 
 272
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Is that so?" Morris replied. "Well, Pinkel 
 Brothers' building where they got it a loft is fire- 
 proof, and they got it also oitermatic sprinklers, Abe, 
 and they somehow get burned out anyhow." 
 
 "You couldn't prove to me nothing by Pinkel 
 Brothers, Mawruss," Abe rejoined. "Them people 
 has already got a hundred operators and we ain't 
 got one, Mawruss, and every operator smokes yet 
 a cigarettel, and you know what them cigarettels 
 is, Mawruss. They practically smokes themselves. 
 So, if an operator throws one of them cigarettels in 
 a bin from clippings, Mawruss, that cigarettel 
 would burn up them clippings certain sure. For 
 my part, I wouldn't have a cigarettel in the place; 
 and so, Mawruss, we wouldn't have no fire, 
 neither." 
 
 "I know, Abe," Morris protested; "but the loft 
 upstairs is vacant and the loft downstairs is vacant, 
 and everybody ain't so grouchy about cigarettels 
 like you are, Abe. Might one of them lofts would 
 be taken by a feller what is already a cigarettel fiend, 
 Abe. And fires can start by other causes, too; and 
 then where would we be with our twenty thousand 
 insurance and all them piece goods what we got it?" 
 
 "But the building is fireproof, Mawruss." 
 
 "Sure I know," Morris replied; "fireproof build- 
 ings is like them gilt-edge, A Number One concerns 
 what you sell goods to for ten years, maybe, and then 
 all of a sudden when you don't expect it one of 'em 
 busts up on you. And that's the way it is with fire- 
 
 273
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 proof buildings, Abe. They're fireproof so long as 
 nobody has a fire in 'em." 
 
 Abe shrugged his shoulders and lit a fresh cigar. 
 
 "All right, Mawruss," Abe said; "I'm satisfied. 
 If you want to get some more insurance, go ahead. 
 I got worry enough I should bother my head about 
 trifles. A little money for insurance we can afford 
 to spend it, Mawruss, so long as we practically 
 throw it in the streets otherwise." 
 
 "Otherwise?" Morris repeated. "What do you 
 mean we throw it away otherwise, Abel" 
 
 "I mean that new style thirty- twenty-eight what 
 you showed it me this morning, Mawruss," Abe re- 
 plied. "For a popular-price line, Mawruss, them 
 new capes has got enough buttons and soutache on 
 to 'em to sell for twenty dollars already instead of 
 twelve-fifty. ' ' 
 
 "That's where you talk without knowing nothing 
 what you say, Abe, ' ' Morris replied. ' ' That garment 
 what you seen it is the winder sample what I made 
 it up for Louis Feinholz 's uptown store. Louis give 
 me a big order while you was in Boston last week, 
 a special line of capes what I got up for him to retail 
 at eighteen-fifty. But he also wanted me to make 
 up for him a winder sample, just one garment to hang 
 in the winder what would look like them special capes, 
 Abe, y 'understand, something like a diamond looks 
 like a rhinestone. Then, when a lady sees that cape 
 in the winder, she wants to buy one just like it, so 
 she goes into Louis' store and they show her one just 
 
 27*
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 like it, only three inches shorter, a yard less goods 
 into it, about half the soutache on to it and a dozen 
 buttons short, Abe; because that winder garment 
 what we make for Louis costs us ourselves twenty- 
 five dollars, and Louis retails the garment what he 
 sells that lady for eighteen-fifty. And that's the way 
 it goes." 
 
 ''* That's a fine crook, that Louis Feinholz," Abe 
 cried virtuously. "I wonder that you would sell 
 people like that goods at all, Mawruss. That fel- 
 ler ain't no good, Mawruss. I seen him go back 
 three times on four hundred hands up at Max Geiger- 
 man's house last week, a dollar a hundred double- 
 double. He's a gambler, too." 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris answered, "a feller what 
 runs a chance on auction pinochle ain't near the 
 gambler like a feller what is willing to run a chance 
 on his business burning out and don't carry no in- 
 surance, Abe." 
 
 "Who is willing to run a chance, Mawruss?" Abe 
 cried. "Just to show you I ain't willing to run a 
 chance I will go right down to J. Blaustein and take 
 out a ten-thousand-dollar policy, Mawruss." 
 
 Morris colored slightly. 
 
 ' ' Why should we give it Blaustein all our business, 
 Abe?" he said. "That feller must got it a thou- 
 sand customers to Rudy Feinholz 's one." 
 
 "Whose one?" Abe asked. 
 
 "Rudy Feinholz 's," said Morris. "I thought I 
 told it you that Louis Feinholz 's nephew got an in- 
 
 275
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 surance business on Lenox Avenue, and I promised 
 Louis I would give the young feller a show." 
 
 "You promised you would give him a show, Maw- 
 russ ?" Abe repeated. "You promised Louis you 
 would give that kid nephew of his what used to run 
 Louis' books a show?" 
 
 "That's what I said, Abe," Morris answered. 
 
 "Well, all I can say, Mawruss," Abe declared as 
 he put on his hat, "is that I wouldn't insure it a 
 pinch of snuff by that feller, Mawruss. So if you 
 take out any policies from him you can pay for 'em 
 yourself, Mawruss, because I won't." 
 
 He favored Morris with a final glare and banged 
 the door behind him. 
 
 Two hours later when Abe reentered the show- 
 room his face was flushed with triumph and he 
 smoked one of J. Blaustein's imported cigars. 
 
 "You see, Mawruss," he said, flourishing a folded 
 policy, "when you deal with fellers like Blaustein 
 it goes quick. I got it here a ten-thousand-dollar 
 insurance by a first-class, A Number One company." 
 
 Morris seized the policy and spread it out on the 
 table. For ten minutes he examined it closely and 
 then handed it back in silence. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," Abe inquired anxiously, "ain't 
 that policy all right?" 
 
 Morris shook his head. 
 
 "In the first place, Abe," he said, "why should 
 we insure it a loft on Nineteenth Street, New York, 
 in the Manchester, Sheffield and Lincolnshire Insur- 
 
 276
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 ance Company, of Manchester, England? Are we 
 English or are we American, Abe?" 
 
 This was a poser, and Abe remained silent. 
 
 "And then again, Abe," Morris went on, "sup- 
 posing we should maybe, I am only saying have 
 a fire, Abe, then we must got to go all the way to 
 Manchester, England, already to collect our money. 
 Ain't it?" 
 
 Abe stared at his feet and made no reply, while 
 Morris again examined the folded policy. 
 
 "Just listen here to these here names of the people 
 what run the company, Abe," he said. "Chairman, 
 the rutt honn Earl of Warrington. ' ' 
 
 Abe looked up suddenly. 
 
 "What kind of Chinese talk is that, Mawruss?" 
 he said. "Rutt honn?" 
 
 "That's no Chinese talk, Abe," Morris replied. 
 "That's printed right here on the policy. That rutt 
 honn Earl of Warrington is president of the board 
 of directors, Abe; and supposing we should maybe 
 for example have a fire, Abe, what show would we 
 stand it with this here rutt honn Earl of Warring- 
 ton?" 
 
 Abe grabbed the policy, which bore on its reverse 
 side the list of directors headed by the name of that 
 distinguished statesman and Cabinet minister, the Rt. 
 Hon. Earl of Warrington. 
 
 "J. Blaustein would fix it for us," Abe replied. 
 
 "J. Blaustein," Morris jeered. "I suppose, Abe, 
 him and the rutt honn Earl of Warrington drinks 
 
 18 Potash & Perlmutter. 277
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 coffee together every afternoon when J. Blaustein 
 makes a trip to Manchester, England. Ain't it? 
 No, Abe, you are up against a poor proposition, and 
 I hope you ain't paid for that policy, Abe." 
 
 "J. Blaustein ain't in no hurry," Abe said. "We 
 never pay him inside of sixty days, anyway." 
 
 "Well, we ain't going to pay him for that policy 
 inside of sixty days or six hundred and sixty days, 
 neither, Abe. We're going to fire that policy back 
 on him, Abe, because I got it here a policy for ten 
 thousand dollars which Eudy Feinholz just brought 
 it me, Abe, and we are insured in a good American 
 company, Abe, the Farmers and Ranchers' Insurance 
 Company, of Arizona." 
 
 Abe shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 "Why should we insure it a stock of cloaks and 
 suits by farmers and ranchers, Mawruss?" he 
 asked. 
 
 "Ain't it better we should insure our goods by 
 farmers and ranchers as by somebody what we don't 
 know what he does for a living, like the rutt honn 
 Earl of Warrington?" Morris retorted. 
 
 "But when it comes right down to it, Mawruss," 
 Abe said, "how are we better off, supposing we got to 
 go all the way to Arizona to collect our money?" 
 
 "That's what I told it young Feinholz," Morris 
 replied, "and he says supposing we should, so to 
 speak, have a fire, he guarantees it we would collect 
 our money every cent of it right here in New York. 
 And anyhow, Abe, any objections what you got to 
 
 278
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 this here Farmers and Ranchers' policy wouldn't 
 be no use anyhow." 
 
 "No?" Abe said. "Why not?" 
 
 "Because I just sent it Rudy Feinholz a check for 
 the premium," Morris said, and walked out of the 
 show-room before Abe could enunciate all the pro- 
 fanity that rose to his lips. 
 
 Louis Feinholz 's order was shipped the following 
 week, and with it went the cape for his show win- 
 dow. Abe himself superintended the packing, for 
 business was dull in the firm's show-room. A par- 
 ticularly warm March had given way to a frigid, 
 rainy April, and now that the promise of an early 
 spring had failed of fulfillment cancelations were 
 coming in thick and fast. Hence, Abe took rather a 
 pessimistic view of things. 
 
 "I bet yer Feinholz will have yet some kicks about 
 them goods, Mawruss," he said. "When I come 
 down Feinholz 's street this morning, Mawruss, it 
 looked like Johnstown after the flood. I bet yer 
 Feinholz ain't making enough in that store just now 
 to pay electric-light bills." 
 
 "I don't know about that, Abe," said Morris. 
 "Louis carries a mighty attractive line in his win- 
 ders. Them small Fifth Avenue stores ain't got 
 nothing on him when it comes to the line of sample 
 garments he carries in his show winders, Abe." 
 
 "Sure I know," Abe rejoined; "but he ain't got 
 nothing on one of them piker stores when it comes 
 right down to the stock he carries on the inside, 
 
 270
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 Mawruss. Yes, Mawruss, when I sell goods to a fel- 
 ler like Feinholz, Mawruss, I'm afraid for my life 
 until I get my money. " 
 
 "Well, you needn't be afraid for Feinholz, Abe," 
 said Morris, "because, in the first place, the feller 
 has got a fine rating; and then again, he couldn't fire 
 them goods back on us because, for the price, there 
 ain't a better-made line in the country." 
 
 "I hope you're right, Mawruss," Abe replied as 
 he rang the bell for the freight elevator. "It would 
 be a fine comeback if he should return them goods 
 on us after we give his nephew the insurance we 
 did." 
 
 Again he pressed the elevator bell. 
 
 "What's the matter with that elevator, Maw- 
 russ?" he said. "It takes a year to get a package 
 on to the sidewalk." 
 
 "That's on account of somebody moves in down- 
 stairs, Abe," Morris answered. "Kaskel Schwartz, 
 what used to be foreman for Pinkel Brothers, him 
 and Moe Feigel goes as partners together in skirts." 
 
 "Is that so?" Abe said, jamming his thumb on 
 the elevator bell. "I hope he don't got the cigar- 
 rettel habit." 
 
 At length the elevator arrived, and Jake, the ship- 
 ping clerk, carried out the brown paper parcels com- 
 prising Feinholz 's shipment. 
 
 "If that's the last I seen of them garments," Abe 
 said as he returned to the show-room, "I'm a lucky 
 man." 
 
 280
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 "Always you're beefing about something happen- 
 ing what ain't going to happen, Abe," Morris re- 
 torted. ' ' Just a few minutes since you hoped Kaskel 
 Schwartz ain 't going to be careless about cigarettels, 
 and now you're imagining things about Feinholz 
 sending back the goods. ' ' 
 
 "Never mind, Mawruss," Abe replied; "in two 
 days' time I shall breathe easier yet." 
 
 For the rest of the day it rained in a steady, trop- 
 ical downpour, and when Abe came downtown the 
 next morning the weather had moderated only 
 slightly. 
 
 "Yes, Mawruss," he said as he entered, "that's 
 a fine weather for a cloak business, Mawruss; and 
 I bet yer, Mawruss, if we was making cravenettes 
 and umbrellas yet we would be having a long dry 
 spell." 
 
 He heaved a great sigh and approached the book- 
 keeper's desk, where Morris had laid the morning 
 mail. 
 
 "Did you hear from those suckers out in Kansas 
 City what made the kick about them London Smokes, 
 Mawruss?" he asked. 
 
 "Sure I did," Morris replied; "they says they de- 
 cided to keep the goods." 
 
 "I guess it left off raining in Kansas City," Abe 
 commented. "Them suckers only made that kick 
 because they thought they couldn't sell nothing in 
 wet weather. Any other kicks, Mawruss?" 
 
 "Yes," Morris replied shortly. 
 
 281
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 Abe looked up. 
 
 "Louis Feinholz!" he gasped. 
 Morris nodded and handed Abe a letter. It read 
 as follows : 
 
 THE LONGCHAMPS 
 L. FEINHOLZ, PROPRIETOR 
 
 "EVERYTHING FOR MADAME . . ." 
 
 NEW YORK, April 1st, 1908 
 
 GENTS: Your shipment of this date arrived and we must say 
 we are surprised at the goods which you sent us. They are in 
 no respect up to sample which we keep pending a settlement of 
 any differences which we might have in respects to this matter. 
 
 Yours truly, L. FEINHOLZ. 
 
 Die LF to RC 
 
 "What does that sucker mean, Mawruss?" Abe 
 asked. * * "We ain 't sent him no sample of them capes, 
 Mawruss. We made 'em up according to his in- 
 structions, Mawruss. Ain't it?" 
 
 Morris nodded solemnly and again Abe read the 
 letter. 
 
 This time he dashed the note to the floor and grew 
 purple with rage. 
 
 "Why," he choked, "that sucker must mean it 
 the winder sample." 
 
 Again Morris nodded solemnly. 
 
 "But a ten-year-old child could tell that them 
 garments ain't like that winder sample, Mawruss," 
 Abe went on. 
 
 "Sure I know," Morris replied sadly, "and a dis- 
 trict court judge could tell it, too. Also, a jury by 
 
 282
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 the city court could tell it, Abe; and also, I rung up 
 Henry D. Feldman and asked him if he could take 
 a case for us against Louis Feinholz, and Feldman 
 says that Feinholz is such an old client that he 
 couldn't do it. And that's the way it goes." 
 
 "But them capes was never intended to be the 
 same like that sample, Mawruss," Abe cried. 
 
 "That's what I told Louis Feinholz when I rung 
 him up after I spoke to Feldman, and Feinholz says 
 he got the goods and he got the sample, and that's 
 all he knows about it. Then I asked him if he didn't 
 say it distinctly we should make up a first-class, ex- 
 pensive winder sample and ship it along with the 
 order, and he says he don't remember it and that I 
 should show him a writing." 
 
 "Ain't you got it a writing?" Abe asked. 
 
 "I ain't got no writing about the winder sample, 
 Abe," Morris replied. "I only got it a writing 
 about the order." 
 
 "But ain't you got no witnesses, Mawruss?" Abe 
 asked. 
 
 "Witnesses I got it plenty, Abe," Morris an- 
 swered. "And so has Feinholz got it witnesses. 
 What's the use witnesses when all Feinholz has got 
 to do is to get Henry D. Feldman to make theayter 
 acting over that sample? For you know as well as 
 I do, Abe, anyone would see that them garments is 
 do oli ? anyway, a cheap imitation of that winder sam- 
 ple, Abe " 
 
 At this juncture Jake, the shipping clerk, entered. 
 
 283
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 "Mr. Potash," he said, "here comes Margnlies' 
 Harlem Express with them packages what we 
 shipped it the Longchamps Store yesterday. Should 
 I take 'em in?" 
 
 Abe jumped to his feet. 
 
 "Did Margulies bring 'em up?" he asked. 
 
 "He had 'em just now on the elevator," Jake re- 
 plied. 
 
 "Wait, I go with you," Abe said. Together they 
 walked rapidly toward the freight elevator, which 
 opened into the cutting-room, but before they 
 reached the door a shrill outcry rose from the floor 
 below. 
 
 The East Side slogan of woe, "Oi gewalt," blended 
 with women's shrieks, and at length came the cry: 
 "Fie-urr! Fie-urr!" 
 
 Simultaneously Miss Cohen, the bookkeeper, lifted 
 up her voice in strident despair while a great cloud 
 of black smoke puffed from the elevator shaft, and 
 the next moment Abe, Morris, Jake and the half- 
 dozen cutters were pushing their way downstairs, el- 
 bowed by a frenzied mob of operators, male and 
 female. When they arrived at the ground floor the 
 engines were clanging around the corner, and Abe 
 and Morris ran across the street to the opposite side- 
 walk. Suddenly an inarticulate cry escaped Abe and 
 he sank onto a convenient drygoods box. 
 
 "What's the trouble, Abe?" Morris asked. "Are 
 you sick ? ' ' 
 
 "The policies!" Abe croaked, and closed his eyes. 
 
 284
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 When lie opened them a minute later his partner 
 grinned at him reassuringly. 
 
 ' "I got 'em in my breast pocket, Abe," Morris 
 said. "As soon as I seen the smoke I grabbed 'em, 
 and I locked up the safe with the books inside." 
 
 Abe revived immediately. 
 
 "That reminds me, Mawruss," he said as he took 
 a cigar from his waistcoat pocket : * ' What become of 
 Miss Cohen?" 
 
 Twenty minutes later the fire was extinguished, 
 and Abe and Morris returned to their loft. The 
 first person to greet them was Miss Cohen, and, aside 
 from a slight careening of her pompadour, she 
 seemed none the worse for her dangerous experi- 
 ence. 
 
 "Mr. Potash," she said in businesslike tones, "the 
 Longchamps Store just rung up and says about them 
 garments what they returned that it was all a mis- 
 take, and that they was all right and you should re- 
 ship 'em right away. ' ' 
 
 The show-room was flooded with sunlight and a 
 mild spring breeze had almost dissipated the acrid 
 smell of smoke. 
 
 "What did I tell you, Mawruss!" Abe said. 
 "Feinholz is like them suckers in Kansas City. He 
 was scared he couldn't sell them capes in wet weather, 
 and now it 's cleared up fine he wants 'em bad, Maw- 
 russ. I'll go and see what happened to 'em." 
 
 He hustled off toward the rear of the loft while 
 Morris turned to Miss Cohen. 
 
 285
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 "Well, Miss Cohen, " he said, "how did you make 
 out by the fire just now?" 
 
 Miss Cohen blushed and patted her pompadour. 
 
 "Oh, Mr. Perlmutter," she said, "I was scared 
 stiff, and Mr. Margulies, the expressman, pretty near 
 carried me up to the roof and we stays there till the 
 fireman says we should come down." 
 
 "And where's Margulies?" Morris asked. 
 
 "He's gone back to the cutting-room," Miss Cohen 
 replied. "When he seen the smoke coming up he 
 shuts quick the iron door on the freight elevator and 
 everything's all right in the cutting-room, only a lit- 
 tle water by the elevator shaft. ' ' 
 
 "And how about the packages from Feinholz?" 
 Morris continued. But before Miss Cohen could re- 
 ply Abe burst into the show-room with a broad grin 
 on his face. 
 
 "That's a good joke on Feinholz, Mawruss," he 
 said. "All the fire was in the elevator shaft and 
 them garments what he returned it us is nothing but 
 ashes. ' ' 
 
 "But, Abe," Morris began, when the telephone 
 bell trilled impatiently. Abe took up the receiver. 
 
 "Hallo!" he said. "Yes, this is Potash. Oh, 
 hallo, Feinholz!" 
 
 "Say, Potash," Feinholz said at the other end of 
 the wire, "we got the store full of people here. 
 Couldn't you send up them capes right away?" 
 
 Abe put his hand over the mouthpiece of the 
 'phone.
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 "It's Feinholz," he said to Morris. "He wanta 
 them capes right away. What shall I tell him?" 
 
 "Tell him nothing," Morris cried. "The first 
 thing you know you will say something to that fel- 
 ler, and he sues us yet for damages because we didn't 
 deliver the goods." 
 
 Abe hesitated for a minute. 
 
 "You talk to him," he said at length. 
 
 Morris seized the receiver from his partner. 
 
 "Hallo, Feinholz," he yelled. "We don't want 
 nothing to say to you at all. We are through with 
 you. That's all. Good-by." 
 
 He hung up the receiver and turned to Abe. 
 
 "When I deal with a crook like Feinholz," he 
 said, "I'm afraid for my life." 
 
 Ten minutes later he went out to lunch and when 
 he returned he brandished the early edition of an 
 evening paper. 
 
 "What you think it says here, Abe?" he cried. 
 "It says the fire downstairs was caused by an opera- 
 tor throwing a cigarettel in the clipping bin. Ain't 
 that a quincidence, Abe?" 
 
 * ' I bet y er that 's a quincidence, ' ' Abe replied. ' ' A 
 couple more of them quincidences, Mawruss, and 
 we got to pay double for our insurance. I only wish 
 we would be finished collecting on our policies for 
 this here quincidence, Mawruss." 
 
 Morris shrugged his shoulders and was about to 
 make a reassuring answer when the door opened and 
 two men entered. 
 
 287
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 One of them was Samuel Feder, vice-president of 
 the Kosciusko Bank, and the other was Louis Fein- 
 holz, proprietor of the Longchamps Store. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Feder cried, "what's this I hear 
 about the fire?" 
 
 1 ' Come into the office, Mr. Feder, ' ' Abe cried, while 
 Morris greeted Feinholz. "Morris will be through 
 soon. ' ' 
 
 "Say, Mawruss," Feinholz said. "What's the 
 matter with you boys? Here I got to come down- 
 town about them capes, and my whole store's full 
 of people. Why didn't you ship them capes back 
 to me like I told you?" 
 
 "Look a-here, Feinholz," Morris exclaimed in 
 tones sufficiently loud for Feder to overhear, "what 
 d'ye take us for, anyhow? Greenhorns? Do you 
 think you can write us a dirty letter like that and 
 then come down and get them capes just for the ask- 
 ing?" 
 
 "Ain't you getting touchy all of a sudden, Maw- 
 russ?" Feinholz cried excitedly. "You had no busi- 
 ness to deliver them goods in such rotten weather. 
 You know as well as I do that I couldn't use them 
 goods till fine weather sets in, and now I want 'em, 
 and I want 'em bad." 
 
 "Is that so?" Morris replied. "Why, I thought 
 them garments was no good, Feinholz. I thought 
 them capes wasn't up to sample." 
 
 "What are you talking about?" Feinholz shouted. 
 "Them goods was all right and the sample's all 
 
 288
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 right, too. All I want now is you should ship 'em 
 right away. I can sell the lot this afternoon if you 
 only get 'em up to my store in time." 
 
 Morris waved his hand deprecatingly. 
 
 "S 'enough, Feinholz," he said; "you got as much 
 show of getting them goods as though you never 
 ordered 'em." 
 
 "Why not?" Feinholz cried. 
 
 "Because them goods got burned up on our freight 
 elevator this morning," Morris replied. 
 
 "What!" Feinholz gasped. 
 
 "That's what I said," Morris concluded; "and 
 if you excuse me I got some business to attend to. ' ' 
 
 Feinholz turned and almost staggered from the 
 store, while Morris joined his partner and Sam 
 Feder in the firm's office. Feder had overheard the 
 entire conversation and greeted Morris with a 
 smile. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," he said, "it serves that sucker 
 right. A feller what confesses right up and down 
 that the goods was all right and then he fires them 
 back at you just because the weather was rotten 
 ought to be sued yet." 
 
 "What do we care?" Abe replied. "We got 'em 
 insured, and so long as we get our money out of 'em 
 we would rather not be bothered with him." 
 
 "Did you have any other damages, boys?" Feder 
 asked, with a solicitude engendered of a ten-thou- 
 sand-dollar accommodation to Potash & Perlmutter's 
 debit on the books of the Kosciusko Bank. 
 
 289
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 "Otherwise, everything is 0. K.," Morris replied 
 cheerfully. Together they conducted Feder on a 
 tour of their premises and, after he was quite reas- 
 sured, they presented him with a good cigar and 
 ushered him into the elevator. 
 
 "I guess you put your foot in it with Feinholz, 
 Mawruss," Ahe said after Feder had departed. 
 "How can we go to that kid nephew of his now and 
 ask him to adjust the loss, Mawruss?' 
 
 Morris arched his eyebrows and stared at his part- 
 ner. 
 
 "What's the matter with you, anyway, Ahe?" he 
 asked. "Ain't J. Blaustein good enough for you? 
 Ain't J. Blaustein always done it our insurance busi- 
 ness up to now all 0. K., Abe? And now that we 
 got it our very first fire, why should you want to 
 throw Blaustein down?" 
 
 Abe put on his hat thoroughly abashed. 
 
 "I thought we got to get Eudy Feinholz to ad- 
 just it the loss," he said. "Otherwise, I wouldn't 
 of suggested it. But, anyway, I will go right down 
 to Blaustein and see what he says. ' * 
 
 Morris jumped to his feet. 
 
 "Wait," he said; "I'll go with you." 
 
 Half an hour afterward Abe and Morris were 
 seated in J. Blaustein 's office on Pine Street, recount- 
 ing the details of the fire. 
 
 "How many garments was there?" Blaustein 
 asked. 
 
 "Forty-eight, and we figured it up the loss at 
 
 290
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 twelve-fifty apiece," Morris explained. " That 's 
 what we billed 'em to Feinholz for." 
 
 Blaustein frowned. 
 
 "But look a-here, Perlmutter, " he said: "them 
 insurance companies won't pay you what you were 
 going to sell them garments for. They'll only pay 
 you what they cost to make up. They'll figure it: 
 so much cloth say, fifty dollars; so much trim- 
 mings say, forty dollars; so much labor say, thirty 
 dollars; and that's the way it goes." 
 
 "But how could we prove that to the company, 
 Mr. Blaustein?" Abe protested. "There ain't 
 enough left of them garments to show even what 
 color they was." 
 
 Blaustein rose to his feet. 
 
 "Well, gentlemen," he said, "we'll discuss that 
 later. The first thing we must do is to go up and 
 see young Feinholz. That Farmers and Ranchers' 
 Insurance Company is a pretty close corporation. 
 Louis Feinholz 's brother out in Arizona is the presi- 
 dent, and they got such a board of directors that if 
 they printed the names on the back of the policy it 
 would look like the roster of an East Side free-burial 
 society. Also, this here Rudy Feinholz what acted 
 as your broker is also general agent, adjuster and 
 office manager for the Metropolitan District; and, 
 taking it by and large, youse gentlemen is lucky you 
 come to me instead of him to adjust this loss." 
 
 Rudy Feinholz 's insurance business occupied what 
 had once been the front parlor of a high-stoop brown- 
 
 291
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 stone residence. Similarly the basement dining-room 
 had been converted into a delicatessen store, and the 
 smoked meats, pickles, cheese and spices with which 
 it was stocked provided rather a strange atmosphere 
 for the Metropolitan Agency of the Farmers and 
 Eanchers' Insurance Company. Moreover, the 
 Italian barber who rented the quondam back parlor 
 was given to practicing on the mandolin; and when 
 Abe, Morris and J. Blaustein entered the Metro- 
 politan Agency a very imperfect rendition of Santa 
 Lucia came through the partition and made conver- 
 sation difficult for the Metropolitan agent. 
 
 "What d'ye say if we all go round to the Long- 
 champs,'* he said, "and talk things over." 
 
 "I'm agreeable," Morris said, looking at his part- 
 ner. 
 
 "Sure thing," Blaustein replied. "That deli- 
 catessen store smell is so thick around here that I'm 
 getting ptomaine poisoning." 
 
 "But," Abe protested, "maybe Louis Feinholz 
 don't want us round there. We ain't on the best of 
 terms with Louis." 
 
 "That's all right," Eudy Feinholz said. "I ar- 
 ranged with him to bring you round there. Uncle 
 Louis is a heavy stockholder in the Farmers and 
 Eanchers', and " 
 
 ' * S 'enough ! ' ' Morris cried. * ' I hear enough about 
 the family history of this here Farmers and Eanch- 
 ers. It wouldn't make no difference to me if your 
 mother was the vice-president and your sister the sec- 
 
 292
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 retary. All I want is we should settle this thing 
 up." 
 
 "Well, come along, then," Rudy cried, and the two 
 brokers and their clients repaired to Feinholz 's store. 
 Abe and Morris entered not without trepidation, but 
 Louis received them with unaffected amiability. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," he said, "that's too bad you got 
 a fire in your place." 
 
 "We can stand it," Morris replied. "We was in- 
 sured. ' ' 
 
 Feinholz rejoined: "Yes, you was insured by your 
 loft, but you wasn't insured by your freight eleva- 
 tor." 
 
 "But by the rules of the Fire Insurance Ex- 
 change," Blaustein interrupted, "when a policy 
 reads " 
 
 "What do we care about the Fire Insurance Ex- 
 change?" Feinholz broke in. "The Farmers and 
 Ranchers' ain't members of the Fire Insurance Ex- 
 change. We got a license to do business from the Sup- 
 erintendent of Insurance, and we don't give a cent 
 for the Fire Insurance Exchange. We insured it the 
 loft, and the goods was burnt in the freight elevator." 
 
 Abe jumped to his feet. 
 
 "Do you mean," he cried, "that you ain't going 
 to pay us nothing for our fire ! ' ' 
 
 "That's what I mean," Feinholz declared. 
 
 Morris turned to Abe. 
 
 "Come, Abe," he said, "we'll take Feder's ad- 
 vice. ' ' 
 
 ^g Potash & Perbnutter. 2S
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 " Feder 's advice?" Feinholz repeated. "You 
 mean that feller what I seen it in your store this 
 morning?" 
 
 "That's what I mean," Morris replied. "Feder 
 says to us we should take it his lawyers, McMaster, 
 Peddle & Crane, and he would see to it that they 
 wouldn't charge us much." 
 
 Feinholz smiled. 
 
 "But the Farmers and Eanchers' Insurance Com- 
 pany got also a good lawyer," he said triumphantly. 
 
 "Maybe they have," Morris admitted, "but we 
 ain't got nothing to do with the Farmers and Eanch- 
 ers' Insurance Company now. We take it Feder 's 
 lawyers and sue you, Feinholz. Feder hears it all 
 what you got to say, and he is willing to go on the 
 stand and swear that you says that the goods was all 
 right and the sample was all right. I guess when a 
 banker and a gentleman like Feder swears something 
 you could get all the Henry D. Feldmans in the 
 world and it wouldn 't make no difference. ' ' 
 
 Feinholz passed his hand over his forehead and 
 breathed hard. 
 
 "Maybe we could settle the matter, Eudy," he said 
 to his nephew, "if the other companies what they are 
 insured by would contribute their share." 
 
 "The other companies," Morris announced, "is 
 got nothing to do with it. You fired them goods back 
 at us, and that's the reason why they got damaged. 
 So, we wouldn't ask for a cent from the other com- 
 panies." 
 
 294
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 "Then it is positively all off," cried Feinholz as 
 one of his saleswomen entered. She held a familiar 
 garment in her hand, and in the dim light of Fein- 
 holz 's private office the buttons and soutache with 
 which the cape was adorned sparkled like burnished 
 gold. 
 
 "Mr. Feinholz," she said, "a lady saw this on one 
 of the racks and she wants to know how much it costs. ' ' 
 
 Morris eyed the cape for one hesitating moment, 
 and then he sprang to his feet and snatched it from 
 the astonished saleswoman. 
 
 "You tell the customer," he said, "that this here 
 cape ain't for sale." 
 
 He rolled it into a tight bundle and thrust it under 
 his coat. 
 
 "Now, Feinholz," he declared calmly, "I got you 
 just where I want you. Feder is willing to go on the 
 stand and swear that you said them goods was up to 
 sample, and this here is the sample. Any feller what 
 knows anything about the cloak and suit trade could 
 tell in a minute that these here samples costed twenty- 
 five dollars to make up. Forty-eight times twenty- 
 five is twelve hundred dollars, and so sure as you 
 are sitting there, Feinholz, Abe and me will com- 
 mence suit against you for twelve hundred dollars 
 the first thing to-morrow morning, unless we get it a 
 certified check from the Farmers and Ranchers' In- 
 surance Company for six hundred dollars, which is 
 the price what you agreed to pay us for the gar- 
 ments." 
 
 295
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 A moment later Blaustein and Abe followed him to 
 the sidewalk. 
 
 "Well, Blaustein," Morris asked as they walked to 
 the elevated railroad, on their way home, "what do 
 you think of it all ? Huh ? ' ' 
 
 ' ' I think it 's a good bluff you are making, ' ' Blau- 
 stein replied, "but it may work. So, if you come 
 right down to my office I'll fix up your proof of loss 
 and send it up to him this afternoon. ' ' 
 
 The next morning Abe and Morris reached their 
 loft a good hour ahead of the letter-carrier, and when 
 he entered they both made a grab for the mail which 
 he handed them. Morris won out, and as he shuffled 
 the letters with the deftness of long pinochle experi- 
 ence he emitted a cry. 
 
 "What is it!" Abe asked. 
 
 For answer Morris tore open a long yellow 
 envelope and flicked it up and down between his 
 thumb and finger until a small piece of paper flut- 
 tered to the carpet. Abe swooped down on it imme- 
 diately and ran to the office, hugging it to his breast. 
 It was a certified check for six hundred dollars. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris said as he filled out a deposit 
 slip of the Kosciusko Bank, "there's one feller comes 
 out of this deal pretty lucky, all considering." 
 
 "Who's that, Mawruss?" Abe asked. 
 
 "The rutt honn Earl of Warrington," Morris re- 
 plied. 
 
 296
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEE 
 
 CHAPTER XIV 
 
 ABE POTASH entered the firm's private office 
 one morning in mid-September and deliber- 
 ately removed his hat and coat. As he did 
 so he emitted groans calculated to melt the heart of 
 the most hardened medical practitioner, but Morris 
 Perlmutter remained entirely unmoved. 
 
 ' 'Well, Abe," he said, "you've been making a hog 
 of yourself again. Ain't it? Sol Klinger says he 
 seen you over to the Harlem Winter Garden, and I 
 suppose you bought it such a fine supper you couldn't 
 sleep a wink all night. What?" 
 
 Abe started to draw himself up to his full five feet 
 three, but lumbago brooks no hauteur, and he sub- 
 sided into the nearest chair with a low, expressive 
 "Oo-ee!" 
 
 "That's a heart you got it, Mawruss," he declared 
 bitterly, "like a stone. I drunk it nothing but lithia 
 water and some dry toast, which them suckers got 
 the nerve to charge me fifty cents for. ' ' 
 
 "Well, why don't you seen it a doctor, Abe?" Mor- 
 ris said. "You could monkey with yourself a whole 
 lifetime, Abe, and it would never do you no good; 
 whilst if you seen it a doctor, Abe, he gives you a 
 little pinch of powder, y 'understand, and in five min- 
 utes you are a well man. ' ' 
 
 Abe sighed heavily. 
 
 297
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 ' ' It don 't go so quick, ' ' Mawruss, ' ' he replied. ' * I 
 seen a doctor this morning and he says I am full from 
 rheumatism. I dassen't do nothing, Mawruss, I 
 dassen't touch coffee or schnapps. I dassen't eat no 
 meat but lamb chops and chicken. ' ' 
 
 "I tasted worser things already as lamb chops and 
 chicken, Abe," Morris retorted. 
 
 "And the worstest thing of all, Mawruss," Abe 
 concluded, "the doctor says he wouldn't be responsi- 
 ble for my life already if I go out on the road. ' ' 
 
 "What?" Morris exclaimed. In less than two 
 weeks Abe was due to leave on his Western trip, and 
 for the past few days Morris had been in the throes 
 of preparing the sample line. 
 
 "This is a fine time for you to get sick, Abe," he 
 cried. 
 
 ' ' Could I help it, Mawruss ? ' ' Abe protested. ' * You 
 talk like I got the rheumatism to spite you, Maw- 
 russ. Believe me, Mawruss, I ain't so stuck on stay- 
 ing in the store here with you, Mawruss. I could 
 prefer it a million times to be out on the road. ' ' 
 
 He rose to his feet with another hollow groan. 
 
 "But, anyway, Mawruss, it won't help matters 
 none if we sit around here all the morning. We got 
 to get it somebody to sell our line, because even if, 
 to hear you talk, the goods do sell themselves when 
 / go out with them, Mawruss, we couldn't take no 
 chances on some kid salesman. We got to get it a 
 first-class A Number One feller what wouldn't fool 
 away his time."
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 "Well, why don't you put it an ad in the Daily 
 Cloak and Suit Record, Abe?" Morris asked. 
 
 "I put it in last night already," Abe replied, "and 
 I bet yer we get it a million answers by the first mail 
 this afternoon." 
 
 For the remainder of the morning Morris busied 
 himself with the sample line, while Abe moved 
 slowly about the show-room, well within the hear- 
 ing of his partner, and moaned piteously at frequent 
 intervals. Every half-hour he cleared his throat 
 with a rasping noise and, when he had secured Mor- 
 ris' attention, ostentatiously swallowed a large gela- 
 tine capsule and rolled his eyes upward in what he 
 conceived to be an expression of acute agony. At 
 length Morris could stand it no longer. 
 
 "What are we running here, anyway, Abe?" he 
 asked. "A cloak and suit business or a hospital? 
 If you are such a sick man, Abe, why don't you go 
 home ? ' ' 
 
 "Must I got to get your permission to be sick, 
 Mawruss ? * ' Abe asked. ' ' Couldn 't I take it maybe a 
 bit of medicine oncet in a while if I want to, Maw- 
 russ?" 
 
 He snorted indignantly, but further discussion was 
 prevented by the entrance of the letter-carrier, and 
 immediately Abe and Morris forgot their differ- 
 ences in an examination of the numerous letters that 
 were the fruit of the advertisement. 
 
 "Don't let's waste no time over fellers we don't 
 know nothing about, Abe," Morris suggested as he 
 
 299
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 tossed one envelope into the waste-paper basket 
 "Here's a feller called Rutherford B. H. Horowitz, 
 what says he used to be a suit-buyer in Indianapolis. 
 Ever hear of him, Abe?" 
 
 "We don't want no fellers what used to be buyers, 
 Mawruss," Abe retorted. "What we want is fellers 
 what is cloak and suit salesmen. Aint it?" 
 
 "Well, here's a feller by the name Arthur Katzen, 
 Abe," Morris went on. "Did y'ever hear of him, 
 Abe?" 
 
 ' * Sure I know him, Mawruss, ' ' Abe replied. ' ' You 
 know him, too, Mawruss. That's a feller by the 
 name Osher Katzenelenbogen, what used to work for 
 us as buttonhole-maker when we was new beginners 
 already. Two years ago, I met that feller in the 
 Yates House and I says to him: 'Hallo/ I says, 'ain't 
 you Osher Katzenelenbogen?' And he says: 'Ex- 
 cuse me,' he says, 'you got the advantage from me,' 
 he says. 'My name is Arthur Katzen,' he says; and 
 I assure you, Mawruss, the business that feller was 
 doing, Mawruss, was the sole topic what everybody 
 was talking about." 
 
 Morris waved his hand deprecatingly. 
 
 "I seen lots of them topics in my time already, 
 Abe," he commented. "Topics what went up with 
 red fire already and come down like sticks. That's 
 the way it goes in this business, Abe. A feller gets 
 a little streak of luck, and everybody goes to work 
 and pats him on the back and tells him he's a great 
 salesman." 
 
 300
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 "But mind you, Mawruss, Arthur Katzen was a 
 good salesman then and is a good salesman to-day 
 yet. The only trouble with him is that he's a gamb- 
 ler, Mawruss. That feller would sooner play auc- 
 tion pinochle than eat, and that's the reason why he 
 could never hold it a job." 
 
 "Why shouldn't he hold a job, Abe?" Morris 
 asked. "If I would have a cracker jack drummer, 
 for my part he could play the whole book of Hoyle, 
 from klabbias to stuss, and it wouldn't affect me 
 none so long as he sold the goods." 
 
 "Maybe you're right, Mawruss," Abe admitted. 
 "But when a feller fools away his time at auction 
 pinochle his business is bound to suffer." 
 
 "Well, then, here's a feller answers by the name 
 Mozart Eabiner," Morris continued. "Did y'ever 
 hear of him, Abe ? ' ' 
 
 "If you mean Moe Eabiner, Mawruss," Abe re- 
 plied. "I never knew his name was Mozart before, 
 Mawruss, but there was a feller by the name Moe 
 Eabiner what used to work for Sammet Brothers, 
 Mawruss, and that feller could make the pianner 
 fairly talk, Mawruss. If he could only get a lady 
 buyer up against a pianner, Mawruss, he could sell 
 her every time." 
 
 Morris tore up Mozart's application. 
 
 ' ' So long as a feller fools away his time, Abe, ' ' he 
 said, "it don't make no difference either he plays 
 auction pinochle or either he plays the pianner. 
 Ain't it?" 
 
 301
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEE 
 
 He opened another envelope and scanned the in- 
 closed missive. 
 
 "This sounds good to me, Abe," he said, and 
 handed the letter to his partner. It read as follows : 
 
 4042 PROSPECT AVE., September 18/08. 
 MESSRS POTASH & PERLMUTTER, 
 
 Gents: Seeing your ad in to days Record and in reply would 
 beg to state am a first class, womans outer garment salesman 
 selling only to the high class trade. Was for three years with 
 one of the largest concerns in the trade traveling to the coast 
 and making Tooson, Denver, Shyenne and Butte, selling the 
 best houses in Frisco, Portland, Seattle, Los Angles, Fresno &c 
 &c &c. Am all for business and can give A 1 references. At 
 present am unnattached but expect quick action as am neggo- 
 tiating with one of the largest speciality houses in the trade. Ask 
 no favors of nobody but results will show. 
 
 Yours truly 
 
 MARKS PASINSKY. 
 
 "By jimminy!" Abe cried after he had finished 
 reading the letter. "That's the feller we want to 
 hire it, Mawruss. Let's write him to call." 
 
 It would hardly be violating Marks Pasinsky's con- 
 fidence to disclose that he held himself to be a forceful 
 man. He never spoke save in italics, and when he 
 shook hands with anyone the recipient of the honor 
 felt it for the rest of the day. Abe watched Morris 
 undergo the ordeal and plunged his hands in his 
 trousers' pockets. 
 
 "And this is Mr. Potash," Pasinsky cried, releas- 
 ing his grip on Morris and extending his hand towaH 
 Abe. 
 
 302
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEK 
 
 "How d'ye do?" Abe said without removing his 
 hands. "I think I seen you oncet before already in 
 Mandleberger Brothers & Co., in Chicago." 
 
 "I presume you did," Marks Pasinsky replied. 
 "Ed Mandleberger and me married cousins. That 
 is to say, my wife's mother's sister is a sister-in- 
 law to a brother of Ed Mandleberger 's wife's 
 mother." 
 
 "Huh, huh," Abe murmured. "Do you know 
 Simon Kuhner, buyer for their cloak department ? ' ' 
 
 Marks Pasinsky sat down and fixed Abe with an 
 incredulous smile. 
 
 1 ' A question ! " he exclaimed. "Do I know him ? 
 Every afternoon, when I am in Chicago, Simon and 
 me drinks coffee together." 
 
 Abe and Morris looked at each other with glances 
 of mixed wonder and delight. 
 
 "I'll tell you another feller I'm intimate with, 
 too," he said. "Do you know Charles I. Fichter, 
 cloak buyer for Gardner, Baum & Miller, in Seattle 1 ' ' 
 
 Abe nodded. He had been vainly trying to sell 
 Fichter a bill of goods since 1898. 
 
 "Well, Charlie and me was delegates to the Na- 
 tional Grand Lodge of the Independent Order Mattai 
 Aaron, and I nominated Charlie for Grand Scribe. 
 The way it come about was this, if you'd care to hear 
 about it." 
 
 "That's all right," Morris interrupted. "We 
 take your word for it. The point is, could you sell it 
 him a big bill of goods, maybe?" 
 
 303
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 Marks Pasinsky leaned back in his chair and 
 laughed uproariously. 
 
 "Why, Mr. Perlmutter, ' ' he said, all out of breath 
 from his mirth, "that feller is actually putting his 
 job in danger because he's holding off in his fall buy- 
 ing until I get to Seattle. Fichter wouldn't buy not 
 a dollar's worth of goods from nobody else but me, 
 not if you was to make him a present of them for 
 nothing." 
 
 He gave many more instances of his friendship 
 with cloak and suit buyers. For example, it ap- 
 peared that he knew Eudolph Bosenwater, buyer for 
 Feigenson & Schiffer, of San Francisco, to the extent 
 of an anecdote containing a long, intimate dialogue 
 wherein Eosenwater commenced all his speeches with : 
 "Well, Markie." 
 
 "And so I says to him," Pasinsky concluded, 
 " 'Eudie, you are all right,' I says, 'but you can't con 
 me.' " 
 
 He looked from Abe to Morris and beamed with 
 satisfaction. They were in a condition of partial 
 hypnotism, which became complete after Pasinsky 
 had concluded a ten-minutes ' discourse on cloak and 
 suit affairs. He spoke with a fluency and emphasis 
 that left Abe and Morris literally gasping like landed 
 fish, although, to be sure, the manner of his discourse 
 far outshone the matter. 
 
 But his auditors were much too dazed to be criti- 
 cal. They were cognizant of only one circumstance: 
 If this huge personage with, his wonderful magne- 
 
 304
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 tism and address couldn't sell goods, nobody 
 could. 
 
 Pasinsky rose to his feet. He was six feet in 
 height, and weighed over two hundred pounds. 
 
 "Well, gentlemen," he said, towering over his 
 proposed employers, " think it over and see if you 
 want me. I '11 he back at noon. ' ' 
 
 "Hold on a minute," Abe cried. "You ain't told 
 us nothing about who you worked for last. What 
 were all them references you was telling us 
 about?" 
 
 Pasinsky regarded Abe with a smile of amusement 
 
 "I'll tell you, Mr. Potash, it's like this," he ex- 
 plained. "Of course you want to know who I 
 worked for and all about it." 
 
 Abe nodded. 
 
 "But the way I feel about it," Marks Pasinsky 
 went on, "is that if you advance my expenses for 
 two weeks, understand me, and I go out with your 
 sample line, understand me, if you don't owe me a 
 thousand dollars commissions at the end of that time, 
 then I don't want to work for you at all." 
 
 Morris' jaw dropped and he wiped beads of per- 
 spiration from his forehead. 
 
 "But who did you sell goods for!" Abe insisted. 
 
 Marks Pasinsky bent down and placed his hand 
 on Abe's shoulder. 
 
 "B. Gans," he whispered. 
 
 "Let me in on this, too, Abe," Morris exclaimed. 
 
 "He says he worked for B. Gans," Abe replied. 
 
 305
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 "That's an A Number One concern, Abe," Mor- 
 ris said. 
 
 "A A Number One," Pasinsky corrected. "B. 
 Gans ain 't got a garment in his entire line that retails 
 for less than a hundred dollars." 
 
 "Well, we ain't so tony as all that," Morris com- 
 mented. "We got it one or two garments, Mr. 
 Pasinsky just one or two, y 'understand which re- 
 tails for ninety-nine dollars and ninety-eight cents, 
 y 'understand. So, naturally, you couldn't expect to 
 sell the same class of trade for us as you sold it for 
 B. Gans." 
 
 "Naturally," Pasinsky agreed loftily, "but when 
 a salesman is a salesman, Mr. Perlmutter, he ain't 
 content to sell a line of goods which sells themselves, 
 so to speak, like B. Gans' line. He wants to handle 
 such a line like you got it, Mr. Perlmutter, which 
 is got to be pushed and pushed good and plenty. If 
 I wouldn't handle an inferior line oncet in a while, 
 Mr. Perlmutter, I would quick get out of practice." 
 
 Morris snorted. 
 
 "If our line don't suit you, Mr. Pasinsky," he be- 
 gan, when Abe interrupted with a wave of his hand. 
 
 "Pasinsky is right, Mawruss," he said. "You al- 
 ways got it an idee you made up a line of goods 
 what pratically sold themselves, and I always told 
 you differencely. You wouldn't mind it if I went 
 around to see B. Gans, Mr. Pasinsky." 
 
 Pasinsky stared superciliously at Abe. 
 
 " Go as far as you like, ' ' he said. ' ' Gans wouldn 't 
 
 306
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 tell you nothing but good of me. But if I would 
 work for you one week, Mr. Potash, you would know 
 that with me recommendations is nix and results 
 everything." 
 
 He blew his nose like a challenge and clapped his 
 silk hat on his flowing black curls. Then he bowed 
 to Morris, and the next moment the elevator door 
 ' clanged behind him. 
 
 B. Grans guided himself by the maxim: "In busi- 
 ness you couldn't trust nobody to do nothing," and 
 albeit he employed over a hundred workmen he gave 
 practical demonstrations of their duties to all of 
 them. Thus, on the last of the month he made out 
 statements in the office, and when the shipping de- 
 partment was busy he helped tie up packages. Oc- 
 casionally he would be found wielding a pressing 
 iron, and when Abe Potash entered to inquire about 
 Pasinsky's qualifications B. Gans had just smashed 
 hiss, thumb in the process of showing a shipping clerk 
 precisely how a packing-case ought to be nailed. 
 
 "What's the matter, Gans?" Abe asked. 
 "Couldn't you afford it to hire shipping clerks no 
 more?" 
 
 "I want to tell you something, Potash," Gans re- 
 plied. "Jay Vanderbilt ain't got money enough to 
 hire it a good shipping clerk, because for the simple 
 reason there ain't no good shipping clerks. A ship- 
 ping clerk ain't no good, otherwise he wouldn't be 
 a shipping clerk." 
 
 "How about drummers?" Abe asked. "I ain't 
 
 807
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 come to ask you about shipping clerks, Gans ; I come 
 to ask you about a drummer." 
 
 "What should you ask me about drummers for, 
 Potash?" Gans replied. "You know as well as I do 
 what drummers is, Potash. Drummers is bluffs. I 
 wouldn't give a pinch of snuff for the best drum- 
 mers living. The way drummers figure it out now- 
 adays, Potash, there ain't no more money in 
 commissions. All the money is in the expense ac- 
 count." 
 
 Abe laughed. 
 
 "I guess you got a tale of woe to tell about de- 
 signers and models, too, Gans," he said; "but with 
 me, Gans, so long as a salesman could sell goods I 
 don't take it so particular when it comes right down 
 to the expense account." 
 
 "Oh, if they sell goods, Potash," Gans agreed, 
 "then that's something else again. But the way 
 business is to-day, Potash, salesmen don't sell gojds 
 no more. Former times a salesman wasn't consid- 
 ered a salesman unless he could sell a customer goods 
 what the customer didn't want; but nowadays it 
 don't make no difference what kind of salesman you 
 hire it, Potash, the goods is got to sell themselves, 
 otherwise the salesman can't do no business. Ain't 
 it?" 
 
 "But take a salesman like Marks Pasinsky, for 
 instance," Abe said. "There's a feller what can 
 sell goods. Ain't it?" 
 
 B. Gans looked up sharply. 
 
 308
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Did Marks Pasinsky send you here?" he asked* 
 
 "Well, he give you as a reference," Abe replied. 
 
 ' ' All right, ' ' B. Gans continued. ' i You tell Marks 
 Pasinsky from me that I says he's a good salesman 
 and that why he left me was by mutual consent. ' ' 
 
 ' ' Sure, ' ' Abe said, ' ' but I wanted to ask you more 
 about Pasinsky. You see, Pasinsky wants to come 
 to work by us as salesman, and I want to find out a 
 few things about him first." 
 
 "Well, I'm just telling you, ain't I?" Gans re- 
 plied. "I said Marks Pasinsky was a good salesman 
 and the reason why he left me was by mutual con- 
 sent; and you tell Pasinsky that that's what I said 
 it, and if you'll excuse me I got business to attend 
 to." 
 
 He turned away and fairly ran toward the rear of 
 the loft, while Abe, now thoroughly mystified, re- 
 turned to his place of business. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris cried as his partner entered 
 "What for a reference did you get it from Be Gans?" 
 
 "The reference is all right, Mawruss," Abe re- 
 plied. "B. Gans says that Pasinsky is a good sales- 
 man and that the reason he left was by mutual 
 consent." 
 
 "Mutual consent?" Morris exclaimed. "What 
 kind of reasons is that for firing a feller?" 
 
 ' ' Gans didn 't fire him, Mawruss, ' ' Abe said. ' ' He 
 left by mutual consent." 
 
 "I know, Abe," Morris rejoined, "but when a fel- 
 ler quits by mutual consent you know as well as I 
 
 sh & Pertmntter. 303
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 do, Abe, what that means. It means that if I should 
 say to Jake, the shipping clerk, 'Jake, you are a 
 rotten shipping clerk and I don't want you no more, 
 and if you don't get right out of here I will kick you 
 out,' and then Jake says to me, 'In that case you 
 could take your dirty job and give it to some poor 
 sucker what wants it more as I do,' then Jake quits 
 by mutual consent. Ain't it?" 
 
 Abe stared indignantly at his partner. 
 
 "I'm surprised to hear you you should talk that 
 way, Mawruss, about a decent, respectable young 
 feller what works so hard like Jake does," he said. 
 "That only goes to show what a judge you are. If 
 you couldn't tell it a good shipping clerk when you 
 see one, how should you know anything about sales-- 
 men? B. Gans says that Pasinsky is a good sales- 
 man, Mawruss, and you can do what you like about 
 it; I'm going to hire him, Mawruss, when he comes 
 back here." 
 
 "Go ahead, Abe," Morris retorted. "Only, if 
 things shouldn't turn out 0. K. you shouldn't blame 
 me. That's all." 
 
 "I wouldn't blame you, Mawruss," Abe said. 
 "All I would blame you is if you wouldn't have our 
 sample line in good shape by next week, because 
 I want Pasinsky to leave here by Monday sure." 
 
 "Don't you worry about them samples, Abe," 
 Morris cried. 
 
 "Them samples is good enough to sell themselves; 
 and the way I figure it out, they got to sell them- 
 
 sir
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 selves, Abe, because I don't believe Pasinsky could 
 sell nothing to nobody." 
 
 "You don't believe nothing, Mawruss," Abe con- 
 cluded as he made for the cutting-room; "you're a 
 regular amethyst." 
 
 "With a feller like Kuhner," Marks Pasinsky de- 
 clared on the following Monday, "you couldn't be 
 a cheap skate, Mr. Potash." 
 
 "I always sold it Kuhner, too," Abe replied; "but 
 I never spent it so much as three hundred dollars 
 in one week in Chicago." 
 
 ' ' Sure, I know, ' ' Pasinsky agreed, ' ' but how much 
 did you sell Kuhner? A thousand or two thousand 
 at the outside. "With me, Mr. Potash, I wouldn't 
 bother myself to stop off in Chicago at all if I couldn't 
 land at least a five-thousand-dollar order from Simon 
 Kuhner, of Mandleberger Brothers & Co., and we 
 will say four thousand with Chester Prosnauer, of 
 the Arcade Mercantile Company." 
 
 It lacked half an hour of Marks Pasinsky 's train- 
 time, and, in addition, Abe had grown a little weary 
 of his parting instructions to his newly-hired sales- 
 man. Indeed, the interview had lasted all the fore- 
 noon, and it would have been difficult to decide who 
 was doing the instructing. 
 
 "S 'enough," Abe cried. "Let's make an end. 
 I'll speak to my partner about it, and if he says it's 
 all right I'm agreeable." 
 
 He repaired to the cutting-room, where Morris 
 chafed at the delay in Pasinsky 's departure. 
 
 311
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 "Ain't that feller gone yet, Abe?" he asked. 
 
 "I'm just giving him a few last advices," Abe re- 
 plied. 
 
 "Well, I hope you're more successful as I was^. 
 Abe," Morris rejoined. "That feller's got so much 
 to say for himself I couldn't get a word in sideways. ' ' 
 
 Abe nodded. 
 
 "He's a good talker," he said, "only he's too am- 
 bitious, Mawruss." 
 
 "He shouldn't get ambitious around me, Abe," 
 Morris retorted, "because I wouldn't stand for it. 
 "What's he getting ambitious with you about?" 
 
 "Well, he wants it three hundred dollars for ex- 
 penses one week in Chicago already," Abe answered. 
 
 "What!" Morris cried. 
 
 "He says he got to do some tall entertaining, Maw- 
 russ," Abe went on, "because he expects to sell 
 Simon Kuhner a five-thousand-dollars bill of goods, 
 and the Arcade Mercantile Company also five thou- 
 sand. ' ' 
 
 "Say, looky here, Abe: I want to tell you some- 
 thing," Morris broke in. "Of course, this ain't my 
 affair nor nothing, because you got the rheumatism 
 and it's your funeral. Also, I am only a partner 
 here, y 'understand, and what I says goes for nix. 
 But the way it looks to me now, Abe, if this here 
 Pasinsky sells all the goods he talks about, Abe, we 
 will got to have four times more capital as we are 
 working with now. And if he spends it three hun- 
 dred dollars in every town he makes we wouldn't 
 
 312
 
 have no capital left at all. And that's the way it 
 goes. ' ' 
 
 He turned and strode angrily away, while Abe 
 went back to the show-room. 
 
 ''Well, Pasinsky," he said, "I decided I would 
 take a chance and advance you the three hundred; 
 but you got to do the business, Pasinsky, otherwise 
 it is all off." 
 
 Pasinsky nodded and tucked away the yellowbacks 
 which Abe gave him. 
 
 "All you've got to do, Mr. Potash, is to fill the 
 orders, ' ' he said, extending his hand to Abe, ' ' and I 
 will do the rest. And now good-by and good luck to 
 you." 
 
 He squeezed Abe's hand until it was completely 
 numb, and with a parting nod to Miss Cohen, the 
 bookkeeper, he started on his journey for the "West. 
 
 "You would thought, Mawruss," Abe said after- 
 ward, "that he was staying home and that it was me 
 what goes away on the trip." 
 
 "I wish you was, Abe," Morris replied fervently. 
 "I ain't got no confidence in that feller at all." 
 
 "I wouldn't knock the feller until I seen what he 
 could do, Mawruss," Abe said. "He promised me 
 we should hear from him so soon as he gets 
 there. ' ' 
 
 Four days later the expected mail arrived. Abe 
 received the letter from the carrier and burst it open 
 with his thumb. Then he drew forth the contents of 
 the envelope and shook the folded sheet, but no order 
 
 313
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 slip fell out. He sighed heavily and perused the let- 
 ter, which read as follows: 
 
 CHICAGO, ILL., Sep. '08. 
 MESS POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 Gents: Arrived here this A n and things look very promising. 
 Am informed by everybody that business is good on the coast 
 and prospects of big orders also very promising. Sales have 
 been slow here on a/c weather is very hot. Miss Schimpfer asst 
 buyer millinary dept Mandleberger Bros & Co says things look 
 very promising and expects to do a big fall business. Was two 
 hours late getting in to Chicago on a/c freight wreck and missed 
 seeing Kuhner his sister's daughter gets married and Kuhner 
 goes to the wedding. Will see Kuhner to morrow A M and let 
 you know results. Have appointment with Chester Prosnauer 
 to morrow A M and things look very promising there. Will 
 write you to morrow. Regards to Mr. Perlmutter. Hoping 
 things is all right in the store, I am, 
 
 MARKS PASINSKY. 
 
 Abe finished reading the letter and handed it in 
 silence to Morris, who examined it closely. 
 
 "That's a very promising letter, Abe," he said. 
 ''I'd like to know what that feller done all day in Chi- 
 cago. I bet yer that assistant millinery buyer eats a 
 good lunch on us, Abe, if she didn't also see it a the- 
 ayter on us, too. What does he think he's selling, 
 anyway, Abe, millinery or cloaks 1 ' ' 
 
 "Give the feller a show, Mawruss," Abe replied. 
 "He ain't been in Chicago forty-eight hours yet. 
 We'll wait till we get it another letter from him, 
 Mawruss, before we start to kick." 
 
 Another day elapsed, but no further epistle came 
 
 314
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 from Marks Pasinsky, and when the last mail arrived 
 without any word from Chicago Morris grew 
 worried. 
 
 "Not even a weather report, Abe," he said. "If 
 he couldn 't sell no goods, Abe, at least he could write 
 us a letter. ' ' 
 
 "Maybe he's too busy, Mawruss," Abe suggested. 
 
 "Busy taking assistant millinery buyers to lunch, 
 Abe," Morris replied. "The way that feller acts, 
 Abe, he ain't no stranger to auction pinochle, neither, 
 I bet yer. ' ' 
 
 Abe put on his hat and coat preparatory to going 
 home. 
 
 "What's the use knocking him yet a while, Maw- 
 russ?" he said. "A different tune you will sing it 
 when we get a couple of orders from him to-morrow 
 morning." 
 
 But the next forenoon's mail was barren of result, 
 and when Abe went out to lunch that day he had lit- 
 tle appetite for his food. Accordingly he sought an 
 enameled-brick dairy restaurant, and he was midway 
 in the consumption of a bowl of milk toast when 
 Leon Sammet, senior partner of Sammet Brothers, 
 entered. 
 
 "Well, Abe," he said, "do you got to diet, too?" 
 
 "Gott sei dank, it ain't so bad as all that, Leon," 
 Abe replied. "No, Leon, I ain't going to die just yet 
 a while, although that's a terrible sickness, the rheu- 
 matism. The doctor says I could only eat it certain 
 things like chicken and chops and milk toast." 
 
 315
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 "Well, you wouldn't starve, anyhow," Leon com- 
 mented. 
 
 "No, I wouldn't starve," Abe admitted, "but T 
 also couldn't go out on the road, neither. The doc 
 tor wouldn't let me, so we got to hire a feller to take 
 care of our Western trade. I guess he's a pretty 
 good salesman, too. His name is Marks Pasinsky. 
 Do you know him?" 
 
 "Sure I know him," Leon Sammet replied. "He 
 used to work by B. Gans, and he's a very close friend 
 of a feller what used to work for us by the name 
 Mozart Eabiner." 
 
 "You mean that musical feller?" Abe said. 
 
 "That's the one," Leon answered. "I bet yer he 
 was musical. That feller got the artistic tempera- 
 ture all right, Abe. He didn't give a damn how much 
 of our money he spent it. Every town he makes he 
 got to have a pianner sent up to the hotel. Costs us 
 every time three dollars for the pianner and five dol- 
 lars for trucking. We got it a decent salesman now, 
 Abe. We hired him a couple of weeks since." 
 
 "What's his name?" Abe asked. 
 
 "Arthur Katzen," Leon Sammet replied. "He 
 had a big week last week in Buffalo, Erie, Cleveland 
 and Detroit. He's in Chicago this week." 
 
 "Is that so?" Abe commented. 
 
 "He turned us in a fine order to-day," Leon con- 
 tinued, 'from Simon Kuhner, of Mandleberger 
 Brothers & Co." 
 
 "What?" Abe gasped. 
 
 316
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 ( . 
 
 'Sure," Sammet went on, "and the funny thing 
 about it is that Kuhner never bought our line before, 
 and I guess he wouldn't of bought it now, but this 
 here Arthur Katzen, Abe, he is sure a wonder. That 
 feller actually booked a five-thousand-dollar order 
 from sample garments which didn't belong to our 
 line at all. They're some samples which I under- 
 stand Kuhner had made up already. ' ' 
 
 "That's something what I never heard it before," 
 Abe exclaimed. 
 
 "Me neither," Leon said; "but Kuhner gives him 
 the privilege to send us the garments here, and we 
 are to make up sample garments of our own so soon 
 as we can copy the styles; and after we ship our 
 samples and Kuhner 's samples back to Kuhner, 
 Kuhner sends us a confirmation. We expect Kuh- 
 ner will ship us his samples to-morrow." 
 
 Abe rose wearily from his seat. 
 
 "Well, Leon," he concluded, "you certainly got it 
 more luck with your salesman as we got it with ours. 
 So far he ain 't sent us a single, solitary order. ' ' 
 
 He passed down the aisle to the cashier's desk and 
 had almost reached the door when a restraining hand 
 plucked at his coat tails. 
 
 "Hallo, Abe!" a voice cried. It was Sol Klinger, 
 whose manner of eating crullers and coffee received 
 and merited the unfavorable attention of everybody 
 seated at his table. "Sit down and have a cup of 
 coffee." 
 
 "I had it my lunch already," Abe replied. 
 
 317
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Sit down and have a cup of coffee, anyhow," Sol 
 Klinger coaxed. 
 
 "I wouldn't have no coffee," Abe said as he took 
 the vacant chair next to Sol. "I'll have a cup of 
 chocolate. To a man in my conditions, Sol, coffee is 
 poison already." 
 
 "Why, what's the matter, Abe?" Sol asked. 
 
 " I J m a sick feller, Sol, ' ' Abe went on. ' ' The rheu- 
 matism I got it all over my body. I assure you I 
 couldn't go out on the road this fall. I had to hire 
 it a salesman." 
 
 ' ' Is that so ? " Sol Klinger replied. ' ' Well, we had 
 to hire it a new salesman, too a young feller by the 
 name Moe Rabiner. Do you know him?" 
 
 "I heard about him already," Abe said. "How is 
 he doing?" 
 
 "Well, in Buffalo, last week, he ain't done hardly 
 nothing," said Sol; "but he's in Chicago this week 
 and he done a little better. He sent us a nice order 
 this morning, I bet yer. Four thousand dollars from 
 the Arcade Mercantile Company." 
 
 Abe was swallowing a huge mouthful of cocoa, and 
 when Sol vouchsafed this last piece of informa- 
 tion the cocoa found its way to Abe's pharynx, 
 whence it was violently ejected into the face of a 
 mild-mannered errand-boy sitting opposite. The 
 errand-boy wiped his face while Sol slapped Abe on 
 the back. 
 
 "What's the matter, Abe?" Sol asked solicitously. 
 "Do you got bronchitis, too, as well as rheumatism?" 
 
 318
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 "Go ahead, Sol," Abe gasped. "Tell me about 
 this here order." 
 
 "There ain't much to tell, Abe," Sol went on, "ex- 
 cept that this here Eabiner does something I never 
 heard about before in all my experience in the cloak 
 and suit business." 
 
 "No?" Abe croaked. "What was that?" 
 
 "Why, this here Eabiner gets an order from Pros- 
 nauer, of the Arcade Mercantile Company, for gar- 
 ments what we ain 't got in our line at all, ' ' Sol Klin- 
 ger explained ; * l and Prosnauer furnishes us the sam- 
 ple garments, which we are to return to him just so 
 soon as we can copy them, and then " 
 
 "S 'enough," Abe cried. "I heard enough, Sol. 
 Don't rub it in." 
 
 "Why, what do you mean, Abe?" Sol asked. 
 
 "I mean I got it a salesman in Chicago, Sol," Abe 
 went on, "what ain't sent us so much as a smell of an 
 order. I guess there's only one thing fa~ e to do, 
 Sol, and that 's to go myself to Chicago and see what 
 he's up to." 
 
 Sol looked shocked. 
 
 "Don't you do it, Abe," he said. "Klein got a 
 brother-in-law what got the rheumatism like you got 
 it, Abe, and the feller insisted on going to Boston. 
 The railroad trip finished him, I bet yer." 
 
 "Did he die?" Abe asked. 
 
 "Well, no, he didn't die exactly," Klinger replied; 
 "but on the train the rheumatism went to his head, 
 and that poor, sick young feller took a whole theayter 
 
 319
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 troupe into the cafe car and blows 'em to tcham- 
 panyer wine yet. Two hundred dollars it costed 
 him." 
 
 "That's all right, Sol," Abe replied. "I could 
 stand it if it stood me in three hundred dollars, so 
 long as I could stop Marks Pasinsky making another 
 town. ' ' 
 
 He rose to his feet with surprising alacrity for a 
 rheumatic patient, and returned to his office, where 
 no communication had been received from Marks 
 Pasinsky. 
 
 "That settles it, Mawruss," Abe said as he jammed 
 his hat farther down on his head. 
 
 "Where are you going now?" Morris asked. 
 
 "I'm going home to pack my grip," Abe an- 
 nounced, "and I'll get that six o'clock train to Chi- 
 cago, sure." 
 
 ' ' But, Abe, ' ' Morris protested, * * I thought the doc- 
 tor says if you went out on the road he wouldn't be 
 responsible for you." 
 
 "I know he did," Abe concluded as he passed out, 
 "but who will be responsible for Marks Pasinsky, 
 Mawruss!" 
 
 When Abe reached Chicago the following after- 
 noon he repaired at once to the hotel at which Marks 
 Pasinsky was staying. 
 
 "Mr. Pasinsky ain't in his room. What?" he 
 said to the clerk. 
 
 "Mr. Pasinsky went out about one o'clock and 
 hasn't been back since," the clerk replied as he 
 
 320
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 handed Abe over to a bell-boy Fifteen minutes 
 later Abe descended from his room with the marks 
 of travel almost effaced, and again inquired for 
 Marks Pasinsky. 
 
 "He ain't been back since, Mr. Potash," said the 
 clerk. 
 
 "He didn't go out with nobody. No?" Abe asked. 
 
 "I think he went out with a short, dark gentle- 
 man," the clerk answered. 
 
 Abe pondered for a moment. Simon Kuhner stood 
 full six feet tall and was a decided blond, while Ches- 
 ter Prosnauer, whom he knew by sight only, was as 
 large as Marks Pasinsky himself. 
 
 "Who could that be, I wonder!" Abe murmured. 
 
 "It was a gentleman staying over at the Altring- 
 ham, ' ' the clerk said. 
 
 "Then it couldn't be them," Abe concluded. "If 
 Pasinsky comes back you should please tell him to 
 wait. I will be back here at six, sure." 
 
 He made immediately for the business premises of 
 Mandleberger Brothers & Co., where he found Simon 
 Kuhner hard at work in his office. 
 
 "Hallo, Abe!" Kuhner cried as Abe entered. 
 "They told me you was a fit subject for crutches when 
 I asked for you the other day. ' ' 
 
 "Who told you?" Abe said without further 
 preface. "Marks Pasinsky?" 
 
 "Marks Pasinsky?" Kuhner repeated. "Why, 
 no. He didn't mention your name, Abe. Do you 
 know Marks Pasinsky, too?" 
 
 321
 
 POTASH & PEKLMUTTER 
 
 "Do I know him, too?" Abe almost shrieked. "A 
 question! Ain't he selling goods for me?" 
 
 "Is he?" Kuhner said. 
 
 " Is he ! " Abe cried. * ' Why, you don 't mean to tel 1 
 me that feller ain't been in here yet?" 
 
 "Sure he was in here," Kuhner replied, "but he 
 didn't say nothing about selling goods for you. In 
 fact, he got a fine order from me, Abe, for a concern 
 which I never done business with before. People by 
 the name Sammet Brothers. What's the matter, 
 Abe? Are you sick?" 
 
 Abe gurgled once or twice and clutched at his 
 collar. 
 
 "Did you got the samples here what he shows 
 you?" he managed to gasp. 
 
 "Why, Abe, what's troubling you?" Kuhner said. 
 "A sick man like you shouldn't be attending to busi- 
 ness at all." 
 
 1 ' Never mind me, ' ' Abe cried. ' ' What about them 
 samples, Kuhner?" 
 
 "He left some samples with me, and I was to ship 
 'em to Sammet Brothers." 
 
 "Did you ship 'em yet?" Abe exclaimed. 
 
 "Why, what's the matter, Abe?" Kuhner com- 
 menced soothingly. 
 
 "The matter is," Abe shouted, "them samples is 
 my samples, and there's some monkey business 
 here." 
 
 "Monkey business!" Kuhner said. "What sort 
 of monkey business?" 
 
 322
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 "I don't know," Abe replied, "but I'm going to 
 find out right away. Promise me you wouldn't ship 
 them samples till I come back." 
 
 * * Sure I will promise you, Abe, ' ' Kuhner declared. 
 "When will you be back?" 
 
 "To-morrow morning some time," Abe concluded 
 as he rose to leave. ' ' I got to see a lawyer and make 
 this here feller Pasinsky arrested." 
 
 "Don't do nothing rash, Abe," Kuhner advised. 
 
 "I won't do nothing rash," Abe promised. "I'll 
 Mil him, that's what I'll do." 
 
 He took the stairs three at a jump and fairly ran 
 to the drygoods store of the Arcade Mercantile Com- 
 pany. 
 
 "Mr. Prosnauer," he cried as he burst into 
 Prosnauer's office in the cloak department, "my 
 name is Mr. Potash, of Potash & Perlmutter, from 
 New York. Did you seen it my salesman, Marks 
 Pasinsky?" 
 
 "Sit down, Mr. Potash," Prosnauer said, "and 
 don't excite yourself." 
 
 "I ain't exciting myself," Abe exclaimed. "I 
 don 't got to excite myself, Mr. Prosnauer. I am ex- 
 cited enough already when I think to myself that that 
 lowlife Pasinsky takes my samples out of my store 
 and comes here with my money and gets an order 
 from you for four thousand dollars for Klinger & 
 Klein." 
 
 "Not so fast, Mr. Potash," Prosnauer began c 
 "I've known Marks Pasinsky for a number of years. 
 
 323
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 He and I play auction pinochle together every Satur- 
 day night when he is in Chicago, and " 
 
 "Auction pinochle !" Abe interrupted, throwing up 
 his hands. "Das fehlt nur noch!" 
 
 "As I was saying, Mr. Potash," Prosnauer went 
 on with a withering glance at Abe, ' ' those samples are 
 outside, and Pasinsky has asked me to ship them to 
 Klinger & Klein, and " 
 
 "Ship 'em!" Abe cried. "You shouldn't ship 
 nothing. Them samples belongs to me." 
 
 "How do I know that?" Prosnauer asked. "Is 
 your name engraved on 'em?" 
 
 "All right," Abe cried, jumping to his feet. "All 
 right, Mr. Prosnauer. If you are going to make 
 jokes with me I got nothing to say, but I give you 
 warning that you should do absolutely nothing with 
 them samples till I send a sheriff round for them. ' ' 
 
 "Now you're making threats," said Prosnauer. 
 
 "With people like Marks Pasinsky," Abe retorted 
 as he paused at the door, "I don't got to make no 
 threats. I know who I am dealing with, Mr. Pros- 
 nauer, and so, instead I should make threats I go 
 right away and see a lawyer, and he will deliver 
 the goods. That's all I got to say." 
 
 "Hold on there, Mr. Potash," Prosnauer cried. 
 "It ain't necessary for you to see a lawyer. Prove 
 to me that you own the samples and you can have 
 'em." 
 
 Abe hesitated. 
 
 "Well," he said, "if you would hold it them sam- 
 
 324
 
 POTASH & PEKLMUTTER 
 
 pies till to-morrow noon, Mr. Prosnauer, I'll give 
 you all the proofs you want." 
 
 "Very well," Prosnauer said, "I'll hold them. 
 "When will you be back ? ' ' 
 
 "Before twelve to-morrow," Abe replied. "Be- 
 lieve me, Mr. Prosnauer, I ain't so stuck on paying 
 lawyers. If I can settle this thing up nice and 
 friendly I would do so." 
 
 They shook hands, and Abe retraced his steps to 
 the hotel, where he again inquired for Marks Pa- 
 sinsky. 
 
 "He hasn't come back yet, Mr. Potash," the clerk 
 said, and Abe retired to the writing-room and 
 smoked a cigar by way of a sedative. 
 
 From six o'clock that evening until midnight he 
 smoked so many sedative cigars and made so many 
 fruitless inquiries at the desk for Marks Pasinsky, 
 that his own nerves as well as the night clerk's were 
 completely shattered. Before Abe retired he paid 
 a farewell visit to the desk, and both he and the clerk 
 gave vent to their emotions in a great deal of spirited 
 profanity. 
 
 There was no rest for Abe that night, and when 
 at length he fell asleep it was almost daylight. He 
 awoke at nine and, dressing himself fireman fashion, 
 he hurried to the desk. 
 
 "What time did Marks Pasinsky come in?" he 
 asked the clerk. 
 
 "Why, Mr. Pasinsky didn't come in at all," the 
 clerk replied. 
 
 91 Potash & Perlmutter. 325
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 Abe pushed his hat back from his forehead. 
 
 "Say, young feller,'* he said, "do you got the gall 
 to tell me that Marks Pasinsky ain't come back since 
 he went over to the Altringham with that short, dark 
 feller yesterday afternoon?" 
 
 "Call me a liar, why don't you?" the clerk re^ 
 torted. 
 
 "You're a fresh young feller!" Abe exclaimed. 
 "Couldn't you answer a civil question?" 
 
 "Ah, don't be worrying me with your troubles!" 
 the clerk snarled. "Go over to the Altringham 
 yourself, if you think I'm stringing you." 
 
 Abe turned without another word and hustled over 
 to the Altringham. 
 
 "Do you know a feller by the name Marks Pa- 
 sinsky?" he asked the clerk. 
 
 "Is he a guest of the house?" the clerk said. 
 
 "He's a big feller with a stovepipe hat and curly 
 hair," Abe replied, "and he came in here yester- 
 day afternoon with a short, dark feller what is 
 stopping here. This here Pasinsky is stopping 
 where I am, but he ain't showed up all night, and 
 I guess he's stayed here with that short, dark 
 feller." 
 I The clerk touched a bell. 
 
 "Front," he said, "show this gentleman up to 
 eighty-nine. ' ' 
 
 "Eighty-nine?" Abe cried. "Who's up in eighty- 
 nine?" 
 
 "Tall, curly-haired gentleman came in here yes-

 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 terday afternoon with a short, dark gentleman name 
 of Katzen and " 
 
 Abe clapped his hand to his forehead. 
 
 " Arthur Katzen!" he cried. 
 
 The clerk nodded. 
 
 "Short, dark feller," Abe murmured as he fol 
 lowed the bell-boy. "Why didn't I think of Arthur 
 Katzen before?" 
 
 He entered the elevator, feeling as though he were 
 walking in his sleep; nor did the jolt with which he 
 was shot up to the eighth floor awaken him. His 
 conductor led him down the corridor and was about 
 to knock at room eighty-nine when Abe seized him 
 by the arm. 
 
 "Hold on," Abe whispered. "The door is open." 
 
 They tiptoed up to the half -open door and, holding 
 himself well within the shadow of the corridor, Abe 
 peeped in. It was ten o'clock of a sunny fall day, 
 but the dark shades of room eighty-nine were drawn 
 and the electric lights were blazing away as though 
 it were still midnight. Beneath the lights was a 
 small, oblong table at which sat three men, and in 
 front of each of them stood a small pile of chips. 
 Marks Pasinsky was dealing. 
 
 "A-ah, Katzen, you ruined that hand," Marks 
 Pasinsky said as he flipped out the cards three at a 
 time. "Why didn't you lead it out the ace of 
 Schuppe right at the start? What did you expect 
 to do with it? Eat it?" 
 
 Katzen nodded sleepily.
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "The way I feel now, Pasinsky, I could eat most 
 anything," he retorted. "I could eat a round trip, 
 if I had a cup of coffee with it, so hungry I am. Let 's 
 have some supper." 
 
 "Supper!" Pasinsky cried. "What do you want 
 supper for? The game is young yet. " 
 
 "Shall I tell you something?" the third hand a 
 stranger to Abe said. "You both played that hand 
 like Strolischneiders. Pasinsky sits there with two 
 nines of trump in his hand and don't lead 'em 
 through me. You could have beat me by a million 
 very easy." 
 
 He waved his hand with the palm outward and 
 flapped his four fingers derisively. 
 
 "You call yourself a pinochle player!" he jeered, 
 and fell to twisting his huge red mustache with his 
 fingers. 
 
 Abe nodded an involuntary approval, and then as 
 silently as they had arrived he and the bell-boy re- 
 treated toward the elevator shaft. 
 
 "Dem guys is card fiends all right," the bell-boy 
 commented. "Dey started in at five o'clock last 
 night." 
 
 As they waited for the elevator the strains of a 
 piano came from the floor below. 
 
 "What's that?" Abe exclaimed. 
 
 "Dat's anudder member of de gang," the bell-boy 
 replied. "Dat's Mr. Rabiner. He quit a big loser 
 about one o'clock dis mornin'," 
 
 Abe handed his informant a dime. 
 
 328
 
 POTASH & PEELM UTTER 
 
 "Take me to his room," he said. 
 
 The bell-boy led the way to the seventh floor and 
 conducted Abe to the door of Kabiner's room. 
 
 "Dat's a pretty said spiel dat guy is tearin' off," 
 he commented. "It makes me tink of a dago fun- 
 eral." 
 
 Abe nodded. He knocked at the door, and Liszt's 
 transcription of the Liebestod ceased immediately. 
 
 "Well?" Mozart Eabiner cried and, for answer, 
 Abe opened the door. 
 
 "Hallo, Moe!" he said. "You don't know me. 
 What 1 I 'm Abe Potash. ' ' 
 
 "Oh, hello, Potash!" Rabiner said, rising from 
 the piano stool. 
 
 "That's some pretty mournful music you was giv- 
 ing us, Moe," Abe went on. "Sounds like business 
 was poor already. Ain't you working no more?" 
 
 "I am and I ain't," Mozart replied. "I'm sup- 
 posed to be selling goods for Klinger & Klein, but 
 since I only sold it one bill in two weeks I ain't got 
 much hopes that I'll get enough more money out of 
 'em to move me out of town." 
 
 "What do you make next, Moe?" Abe asked. 
 
 "St. Paul and Minneapolis," Mozart replied. 
 
 Abe handed him a large cigar and, lighting the 
 mate to it, puffed away complacently. 
 
 "That was a pretty good order you got it from 
 Prosnauer which Sol Klinger tells me about," he 
 said. 
 
 Mozart nodded sadly.
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 Mozart lifted his eyebrows and shrugged hope- 
 lessly. 
 
 "More as you would lend me, Potash," he said. 
 "So what's the use talking about it?" 
 
 "Well, I was going to say," Abe continued, "if 
 it was something what you might call within reason, 
 Moe, I might advance it if " 
 
 "If what?" Moe inquired. 
 
 "If you would tell me the insides of just how you 
 got it that order from Prosnauer." 
 
 Mozart gave a deprecatory wave of his right hand. 
 
 "You don't got to bribe me to tell you that, Pot- 
 ash," he said, "because I ain't got no concern in that 
 order no longer. I give up my commission there to 
 a feller by the name Ignatz Kresnick." 
 
 "A white-faced feller with a big red mustache?" 
 Abe asked. 
 
 "That's him," Mozart replied. "The luck that 
 feller Kresnick got it is something you wouldn't be- 
 lieve at all. He could fall down a sewer manhole 
 and come up in a dress suit and a clean shave al- 
 ready. He cleans me out last night two hundred 
 dollars and the commission on that Prosnauer 
 order. ' ' 
 
 "But you didn't get that order in the first place, 
 Moe," Abe said. "Marks Pasinsky got the order." 
 
 "Sure, I know," Mozart replied, "but he got set 
 back a couple of four hundred hands last Tuesday 
 
 330
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 night with Katzen and me in the game, and the way 
 he settles up his losing is that Katzen and me should 
 take his commissions on a couple of orders which he 
 says he is going to get from Simon Kuhner, of Man- 
 dleberger Brothers & Co., and Chester Prosnauer, of 
 the Arcade Mercantile Company. Sure enough, he 
 gets the orders from both of 'em the very next morn- 
 ing. That's the kind of salesman he is." 
 
 "But why didn't Pasinsky send us along the or- 
 ders, Moe 7 " Abe protested, "and we could fix up 
 about the commissions later? Why should he sent 
 it the orders to Klinger & Klein and Sammet 
 Brothers?" 
 
 "Well, you see, business was poor with me and 
 I wanted to make good, being as this was my first 
 trip with the concern; so, as a favor to me Pasinsky 
 turns over the whole order to me, ' ' Mozart explained ; 
 * ' and then, when Katzen sees that, he wants the other 
 order sent to his concern, too." 
 
 "But this was Pasinsky 's first trip by us, also," 
 Abe cried. 
 
 "I know it," Mozart said, "but Pasinsky says 
 that he didn't care, because a good salesman like him 
 could always find it an opening somewhere, and any- 
 way he wasn't stuck on working for a piker concern 
 like yours." 
 
 Abe rose with his eyes ablaze. 
 
 "That settles it," he said, jamming his hat on his 
 head. "I'm going for a policeman. I'll teach that 
 sucker to steal my orders ! ' ' 
 
 331
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEK 
 
 He bounced out of the room and, as he rang for 
 the elevator, Isolde's lament once more issued from 
 beneath Mozart Rabiner's fingers: 
 
 Mild und leise wie er lachelt 
 Wie das Auge hold er o'ffnet 
 
 While from the floor above came the full, round 
 tones of the salesman, Marks Pasinsky. 
 
 "Sixty queens," he said. 
 
 Abe ran out of the hotel lobby straight into the 
 arms of a short, stout person. 
 
 "Excuse me," Abe exclaimed. 
 
 "I'll excuse you, Potash," said the short, stout 
 person, "but I wouldn't run like that if I got it the 
 rheumatism so bad." 
 
 Abe looked at the speaker and gasped. It was B. 
 Gans. 
 
 "What are you doing in Chicago, Potash?" Gans 
 asked. 
 
 "You should ask me that," Abe snorted indig- 
 nantly. "If it wouldn't be for you I wouldn't never 
 got to leave New York." 
 
 "What do you mean?" Gans asked. 
 
 "I mean you gives me a good reference for this 
 feller Marks Pasinsky," Abe shouted. "And even 
 now I am on my way out for a policeman to make this 
 here Pasinsky arrested." 
 
 B. Gans whistled. He surrendered to a bell-boy 
 the small valise he carried and clutched Abe's arm. 
 
 332
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 "I wouldn't do that," he said. "Come inside the 
 cafe and tell me all about it. ' * 
 
 Abe shook himself free. 
 
 "Why shouldn't I make him arrested!" he in- 
 sisted. "He's a thief. He stole my samples." 
 
 "Well, he stole my samples, too, oncet," B. Gans 
 replied. "Come inside the cafe and I'll give you 
 a little sad story what I got, too. ' ' 
 
 A moment later they were seated at a marble-top 
 table. 
 
 ' ' Yes, Abe, ' ' B. Gans went on after they had given 
 the order, "Marks Pasinsky stole my samples, too. 
 Let's hear your story first." 
 
 Straightway Abe unfolded to B. Gans the tale of 
 Marks Pasinsky 's adventure with Mozart Rabiner 
 and Arthur Katzen, and also told him how the orders 
 based on Potash & Perlmutter's sample line had 
 found their way into the respective establishments 
 of Sammet Brothers and Klinger & Klein. 
 
 "Well, by jimminy!" B. Gans commented, "that's 
 just the story I got to tell it you. This feller does 
 the selfsame funny business with my samples. He 
 gets orders from a couple of big concerns in St. 
 Louis and then he gambles them away to a fel- 
 ler called Levy. So what do I do, Potash? 1 
 goes to work and has 'em both arrested, and then 
 them two fellers turns around and fixes up a story 
 and the first thing you know the police judge lets 
 'em go. Well, Potash, them two fellers goes down 
 to New York and hires a lawyer, by the name Henry 
 
 333
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 D. Feldman, and sue me in the courts yet that I made 
 them false arrested. Cost me a thousand dollars to 
 settle it, and I also got to agree that if anybody in- 
 quires about Pasinsky I should say only that he is a 
 good salesman which is the truth, Potash, because 
 he is a good salesman and that the reason he left 
 me is by mutual consent, y 'understand?" 
 
 Abe nodded. 
 
 "That's a fine piece of work, that Marks Pasin- 
 sky," he commented. "I wish I had never seen him 
 already. "What shall I do, Grans? I am in a fine 
 mess." 
 
 ' ' No, you ain 't yet, ' ' B. Gans replied. ' ' Prosnauer 
 and Kuhner knows me, Potash, and I am willing, as 
 long as I got you into this, I will get you out of it. 
 I will go with you myself, Potash, and I think I got 
 influence enough in the trade that I could easy get 
 them to give you back them samples." 
 
 "I know you can," Abe said enthusiastically, "and 
 if you would put it to 'em strong enough I think we 
 could swing back to us them orders from Sammet 
 Brothers and Klinger & Klein." 
 
 "That I will do for you, also," B. Gans agreed. 
 "But now, Potash, I got troubles ahead of me, too." 
 
 "How's that?" Abe inquired, much interested. 
 
 "I got it a lowlife what I hired for a salesman, 
 also," he replied, "and three weeks ago that feller 
 left my place with my samples and I ain't heard a 
 word from him since. If I got to search every gam- 
 blinghouse in Chicago I will find that loafer ; and 
 
 334
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 when I do find him, Potash, I will crack his neck for 
 him." 
 
 "I wouldn't do nothing rash, Gans," Abe ad- 
 vised. "What for a looking feller is this salesman 
 of yours ?" 
 
 "He's a tall, white-faced loafer with a big red 
 mustache," Gans replied, "and his name is Ignatz 
 Kresnick." 
 
 Abe jumped to his feet. 
 
 "Come with me," he cried. Together they took 
 the elevator to the eighth floor and, as Ignatz Kres- 
 nick dealt the cards for the five-hundredth time in 
 that game, all unconscious of his fast-approaching 
 Nemesis, Mozart Eabiner played the concluding 
 measures of the Liebestod softly, slowly, like a bene- 
 diction : 
 
 Ertririken 
 Versinken 
 Unbewusst 
 Hochste Lust. 
 
 CHAPTEE XV 
 
 "\"Y7 HO do you think I seen it in Hammer- 
 \f\ smith's just now, Mawruss?" Abe Potash 
 shouted as he burst into the show-room 
 
 one Saturday afternoon in April. 
 "I ain't deaf, Abe," Morris replied. "Who did 
 
 you seen it 1 " 
 
 335
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 "3. Edward Kleebaum from Minneapolis," Abe 
 answered. 
 
 Morris shrugged. 
 
 "What d'ye want me to do, Abe?" he asked. 
 
 Abe ignored the question. 
 
 "He promised he would come in at two o'clock and 
 look over the line," he announced triumphantly. 
 
 "Plenty crooks looked over our line already, 
 Abe," Morris commented, "and so far as I'm con- 
 cerned, they could look over it all they want to, Abe, 
 so long as they shouldn't buy nothing from us." 
 
 "What d'ye mean? Crooks?" Abe cried. "The 
 way Kleebaum talks he would give us an order for a 
 thousand dollars goods, maybe, Mawruss. He ain't 
 no crook." 
 
 "Ain't he?" Morris replied. "What's the reason 
 he ain't, Abe? The way I look at it, Abe, when a 
 feller makes it a dirty failure like that feller made 
 it in Milwaukee, Abe, and then goes to Cleveland, 
 Abe, and opens up as the bon march, Abe, and does 
 another bust up, Abe, and then he goes to " 
 
 "S 'enough, Mawruss," Abe interrupted. "Them 
 things is from old times already. To-day is some- 
 thing else again. That feller done a tremendous 
 business last spring, Mawruss, and this season every- 
 body is falling over themselves to sell him goods.'* 
 
 "Looky here, Abe," Morris broke in, "you think 
 the feller ain't a crook, and you're entitled to think 
 all you want to, Abe, but I seen it Sol Klinger yester- 
 day, and what d'ye think he told me?" 
 
 336
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 "I don't know what he told you, Mawruss," Abe 
 replied, "but it wouldn't be the first time, Mawruss, 
 that a feller tells lies about a concern that he couldn't 
 sell goods to, Mawruss. It's the old story of the 
 dawg and the grapes." 
 
 Morris looked hurt. 
 
 "I'm surprised you should call a decent, respect- 
 able feller like Sol Klinger a dawg, Abe," he said. 
 "That feller has always been a good friend of ours, 
 Abe, and even if he wouldn't be, Abe, that ain't no 
 way to talk about a concern what does a business like 
 Klinger & Klein." 
 
 "Don't make no speeches, Mawruss," Abe re- 
 torted. "Go ahead and tell me what Sol Klinger 
 told it you about J. Edward Kleebaum." 
 
 "Why, Sol Klinger says that he hears it on good 
 authority, Abe, that that lowlife got it two oitermo- 
 biles, Abe. What d'ye think for a crook like that?" 
 
 "So far what I hear it, Mawruss, it ain't such a 
 terrible crime that a feller should got it two oitermo- 
 biles. In that case, Mawruss, Andrew Carnegie 
 would be a murderer yet. I bet yer he got already 
 fifty oitermobiles. " 
 
 "S'all right, Abe," Morris cried. "Andrew Car- 
 negie ain't looking to buy off us goods, Abe, and even 
 so, Abe, he never made it a couple of failures like 
 Kleebaum, Abe." 
 
 "Well, Mawruss, is that all you got against him 
 that he owns an oitermobile ? Maybe he plays golluf , 
 too, Mawruss."
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Golluf I don't know nothing about, Abe," Morris 
 replied, "but auction pinochle he does play it, Abe. 
 Sol Klinger says that out in Minneapolis Kleebaum 
 hangs out with a bunch of loafers what considers a 
 dollar a hundred chicken feed already." 
 
 Abe rose to his feet. 
 
 "Let me tell you something, Mawruss," he said. 
 "I got over them old fashioned idees that a feller 
 shouldn 't spend the money he makes in the way what 
 he wants to. If Kleebaum wants to buy oitermobiles, 
 that's his business, not mine, Mawruss, and for my 
 part, Mawruss, if that feller was to come in here and 
 buy from us a thousand dollars goods, Mawruss, I am 
 in favor we should sell him." 
 
 "You could do what you please, Abe," Morris de- 
 clared as he put on his hat. "Only one thing I beg 
 of you, Abe, don't never put it up to me, Abe, that I 
 was in favor of the feller from the start." 
 
 "Sure not, Mawruss," Abe replied, "because you 
 wouldn't never let me forget it. Where are you go- 
 ing now, Mawruss 1 ' ' 
 
 "I told you yesterday where I was going, Abe," 
 Morris said impatiently. "Me and Minnie is going 
 out to Johnsonhurst to see her cousin Moe Fix- 
 man." 
 
 "Moe Fixman," Abe repeated. "Ain't that the 
 same Fixman what was partners together with Max 
 Gudekunst?" 
 
 Morris nodded. 
 
 "Well, you want to keep your hand on your pocket* 
 
 338
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 book, Mawruss," Abe went on, "because I hear it on 
 good authority that feller ain't above selling the milk 
 from his baby 's bottle. ' ' 
 
 Morris paused with his hand on the door knob. 
 
 " That's the first I hear about it, Abe," he said. 
 ' ' Certainly, when a feller gets together a little money, 
 y 'understand, always there is somebody what knocks 
 him, Abe. Who told you all this about Fixman, 
 Abe?" 
 
 " A feller by the name Sol Klinger, Mawruss," 
 Abe replied, "and if you don't believe me you 
 could " 
 
 But Morris cut off further comment by banging 
 the door behind him and Abe turned to his task of 
 preparing the sample line for his prospective cus- 
 tomer's inspection. A half an hour later J. Edward 
 Kleebaum entered the show-room and extended his 
 hand to Abe. 
 
 "Hallo, Potash," he said. "You got to excuse me 
 I'm a little late on account I had to look at a machine 
 up on Fiftieth Street." 
 
 "That's a sample I suppose, ain't it!" Abe said. 
 
 "No," Kleebaum replied, "it's one of their stock 
 machines, a Pfingst, nineteen-nine model." 
 
 "Pfingst!" Abe exclaimed, "that's a new one on 
 me. Certainly, I believe a feller should buy the 
 machines what suits his purpose, but with Mawruss 
 and me, when we was running our own shop we 
 bought nothing but standard makes like Keeler and 
 Silcox and them other machines." 
 
 339
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 At this juncture Kleebaum broke into a hearty 
 laugh. 
 
 "This machine is all right for what I would want 
 it," he said. "In fact, I got it right down in front 
 of the door now. It's a nineteen-nine Pfingst, six 
 cylinder roadster up to date and runs like a chro- 
 nometer already." 
 
 "Oh, an oitermobile ! " Abe cried. "Excuse me. 
 Mr. Kleebaum. Oitermobiles ain't in my line, Mr. 
 Kleebaum. I'm satisfied I should know something 
 about the cloak and suit business, Mr. Kleebaum. 
 Now, here is a garment which me and Mawruss don't 
 consider one of our leaders at all, Mr. Kleebaum. 
 But I bet yer that if another concern as us would put 
 out a garment like that, Mr. Kleebaum, they would 
 make such a holler about it that you would think 
 nobody else knows how to make garments but 
 them." 
 
 "When a feller's got the goods, Potash," Klee- 
 baum replied, as he lit one of Abe's "gilt-edged" 
 cigars, "he's got a right to holler. Now you take 
 this here Pfingst car. It is made by the Pfingst 
 Manufacturing Company, a millionaire concern, and 
 them people advertise it to beat the band. And why 
 shouldn't they advertise it I Them people got a car 
 there which it is a wonder, Potash. How they could 
 sell a car like that for twenty-five hundred dollars 
 I don't know. The body alone must cost them peo- 
 ple a couple of thousand dollars." 
 
 "That's always the way, Mr. Kleebaum," Abe 
 
 340
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 broke in hurriedly. "Now, you take this here gar- 
 ment, Mr. Kleebaum, people would say, 'How is it 
 possible that Potash & Perlmutter could turn out a 
 garment like this for eighteen dollars?' And cer- 
 tainly, Mr. Kleebaum, I don't say we lose money on 
 it, y 'understand, only we got " 
 
 * ' But this here car, Potash, has selective transmis- 
 sion, shaft drive and " 
 
 "Say, lookyhere, Kleebaum," Abe cried, "am I 
 trying to sell you some cloaks or are you trying to 
 sell me an oitermobile ! Because if you are, I'm 
 sorry I got to tell you I ain't in the market for an 
 oitermobile just at present. On the other hand, Mr. 
 Kleebaum, I got a line of garments here which it is 
 a pleasure for me to show you, even if you wouldn't 
 buy so much as a button." 
 
 "Go ahead, Potash," Kleebaum said, "and we'll 
 talk about the car after you get through." 
 
 For over two hours Abe displayed the firm's sam- 
 ple line and his efforts were at last rewarded by a 
 generous order from Kleebaum. 
 
 "That makes in all twenty-one hundred dollars' 
 worth of goods," Kleebaum announced, "and if you 
 think you could stand the pressure, Potash, I could 
 smoke another cigar on you already." 
 
 "Excuse me, Mr. Kleebaum!" Abe cried, pro- 
 ducing another of his best cigars. 
 
 "Much obliged," Kleebaum mumbled as he lit up. 
 ' * And now, Abe, after business comes with me pleas- 
 ure. What d'ye say to a little spin uptown in this 
 
 9 Potash & Perhnulter. 341
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 here Pfingst car which I got it waiting for me down- 
 stairs." 
 
 Abe waved his hand with the palm out. 
 
 "You could go as far as you like, Mr. Kleebaum," 
 he replied, "but when it comes to oitermobiles, Mr. 
 Kleebaum, you got to excuse me. I ain't never rode 
 in one of them things yet, and I guess you couldn't 
 learn it an old dawg he should study new tricks. 
 Ain't it?" 
 
 "D'ye mean to tell me you ain't never rode in an 
 oitermobile yet?" Kleebaum exclaimed. 
 
 "You got it right," Abe said, "and what's more 
 I ain't never going to neither." 
 
 "What you trying to give me?" Kleebaum 
 asked. "You mean to say if I would ask you you 
 should come riding with me now, you would turn me 
 down?" 
 
 "I bet yer I would," Abe declared. "An up-to- 
 date feller like you, Kleebaum, is different already 
 from an old-timer like me. I got a wife, Kleebaum, 
 and also I don't carry a whole lot of insurance 
 neither, y 'understand." 
 
 "Come off, Potash!" Kleebaum cried. "I rode 
 myself in oitermobiles already millions of times and 
 I ain't never been hurted yet." 
 
 "Some people's got all the luck, Kleebaum," Abe 
 replied. "With me I bet yer if I would ride in an 
 oitermobile once, y 'understand, the least that would 
 happen to me is I should break my neck. ' ' 
 
 "How could you break your neck in a brand new 
 
 342
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 car like that Pfingst car downstairs!" Kleebauin in- 
 sisted. 
 
 ' * Never mind, ' ' Abe answered, ' ' if things is going 
 to turn out that way, Mr. Kleebaum, you could break 
 your neck in a baby carriage yet. ' ' 
 
 "Well, don't get mad about it, Potash," Kleebaum 
 said. 
 
 "Me, I don't get mad so easy," Abe declared. 
 "Wouldn't you come downstairs to Hammersmith's 
 and take a cup coffee or something?" 
 
 Together they descended to the sidewalk where 
 they were saluted by a tremendous chugging from the 
 Pfingst roadster. 
 
 "Say, my friend," the demonstrating chauffeur 
 cried as he caught sight of Kleebaum, "what d'ye 
 think I'm running anyway? A taxicab?" 
 
 "You shouldn't get fresh, young feller," Klee- 
 baum retorted, "unless you would want to lose your 
 job." 
 
 "Aw, quit your stalling," the chauffeur protested. 
 ' ' Is this the guy you was telling me about 1 ' ' 
 
 Kleebaum frowned and contorted one side of his 
 face with electrical rapidity. 
 
 "Say, my friend," the chauffeur replied entirely 
 unmoved, "them gestures don't go down with me. 
 Is this the guy you was telling the boss you would 
 jolly into buying a car, because " 
 
 Kleebaum turned to Abe and elaborately assumed 
 an expression of amiable deprecation. 
 
 "That's a salesman for you," he exclaimed. 
 
 343
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 Abe surveyed Kleebaum with a puzzled stare. 
 
 "Say, lookyhere, Kleebaum," he said, "if you 
 thought you would get me to buy an oitermobile by 
 giving me this here order, Kleebaum, I'm satisfied 
 you should cancel it. Because again I got to tell it 
 you, Kleebaum, I ain't in the market for oitermobiles 
 just yet awhile. ' ' 
 
 Kleebaum clapped Abe on the shoulder. 
 
 "The feller don't know what he's talking about, 
 Potash," he declared. "He's thinking of somebody 
 quite different as you. That order stands, Potash, 
 and now if you will excuse me joining you in that cup 
 coffee, Potash, I got to say good-bye. ' ? 
 
 He wrung Abe's hand in farewell and jumped into 
 the seat beside the chauffeur while Abe stood on the 
 sidewalk and watched them disappear down the 
 street. 
 
 "I bet yer that order stands," he mused. "It 
 stands in my store until I get a couple of good reports 
 on that feller." 
 
 "What a house that feller Fixman got it, Abe," 
 Morris Perlmutter exclaimed on Monday morning. 
 "A regular palace, and mind you, Abe, he don't pay 
 ten dollars more a month as I do up in a Hundred 
 and Eighteenth Street. And what a difference there 
 is in the yard, Abe. Me, I look out on a bunch of 
 fire escapes, while Fixman got a fine garden with 
 trees and flowers pretty near as good as a cemetery." 
 
 "Well, why don't you move to Johnsonhurst, too, 
 Mawruss," Abe Potash said. "It's an elegant 
 
 344
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 neighborhood, Mawruss. Me and Kosie was over to 
 Jolmsonhurst one day last summer and it took us 
 three hours to get out there and three hours to get 
 back. Six cigars I busted in my vest pockets at the 
 bridge yet and Eosie pretty near fainted in the 
 crowd. Yes, Mawruss, it's an elegant neighborhood, 
 I bet yer." 
 
 ''That was on Sunday and the summer time, Abe, 
 but Fixman says if he leaves his house at seven 
 o'clock, he is in his office at a quarter to eight." 
 
 "I believe it, Mawruss," Abe commented ironic- 
 ally. "That feller Fixman never got downtown in 
 his life before nine o'clock. He shouldn't tell me 
 nothing like that, Mawruss, because I know Fix- 
 man since way before the Spanish war already, 
 and that feller was always a big bluff, y 'under- 
 stand. Sol Klinger tells me he's got also an oiter- 
 mobile. ' ' 
 
 ' ' Sol Klinger could talk all he wants, Abe, ' ' Morris 
 replied. "Fixman told it me that if he had the 
 money what Klinger sinks in one stock already, Abe, 
 he could run a dozen oitermobiles. Sure, Fixman 's 
 got an oitermobile. With the money that feller 
 makes, Abe, he's got a right to got on oitermobile. 
 Klinger should be careful what he tells about peo- 
 ple, Abe. The feller will get himself into serious 
 trouble some day. He's all the time knocking some- 
 body. Ain't it!" 
 
 "Is that so?" Abe said. "I thought Klinger was 
 such a good friend to us, Mawruss. Also, Mawruss, 
 
 345
 
 you say yourself on Saturday that a feller what's got 
 an oitennobile is a crook yet. ' ' 
 
 "Me!" Morris cried indignantly. "I never said 
 no such thing, Abe. Always you got to twist around 
 what I say, Abe. What I told you was " 
 
 ' ' S 'all right, Mawruss, ' ' Abe said. ' ' I '11 take your 
 word for it. What I want to talk to you about now 
 is this here J. Edward Kleebaum. He gives us an 
 order for twenty-one hundred dollars, Mawruss." 
 
 "Good!" Morris exclaimed. 
 
 "Good?" Abe repeated with a rising inflection. 
 "Say, Mawruss, what's the matter with you to-day, 
 anyway ? ' ' 
 
 "Nothing's the matter with me, Abe. What d'ye 
 mean ? ' ' 
 
 "I mean that on Saturday you wouldn't sell Klee- 
 baum not a dollar's worth of goods, Mawruss, and 
 even myself I was only willing we should go a thou- 
 sand dollars on the feller, and now to-day when I tell 
 it you he gives us an order for twenty-one hundred 
 dollars, Mawruss, you say, 'good'." 
 
 "Sure, I say, 'good'," Morris replied. "Why 
 not ? Just because a sucker like Sol Klinger knocks 
 a feller, Abe, that ain't saying the feller's N. G. 
 Furthermore, Abe, suppose a feller does run a couple 
 of oitermobiles, y 'understand, Abe, does that say he's 
 going to bust up right away? That's an idee what 
 a back number like Klinger got it, Abe, but with me 
 I think differently. There's worser things as oiter- 
 mobiles to ride in, Abe, believe me. Fixman takes 
 
 346
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 out his wife and Minnie and me on Saturday after- 
 noon, and we had a fine time. We went pretty near 
 to Boston, I bet yer." 
 
 1 'To Boston!" Abe exclaimed. 
 
 "Well, we seen the Boston boats going out, and a 
 fine view of the City College also, and a gas factory 
 and North Beach, too. Everything went off beauti- 
 ful, Abe, and I assure you Minnie and me we come 
 home feeling fine. I tell you, Abe, a feller has got 
 to ride in one of them things to appreciate 'em." 
 
 ' * S 'all right, Mawruss, ' ' Abe cried. * * I take your 
 word for it. What I am worrying about now, Maw- 
 russ, is this here Kleebaum." 
 
 "Kleebaum is A Number One, Abe," Morris said. 
 "I was talking to Fixman about him and Fixman 
 s<iys that there ain't a better judge of an oitermobile 
 between Chicago and the Pacific Coast." 
 
 "Say, lookyhere, Mawruss," Abe asked, "are we 
 in the cloak and suit business or are we in the oiter- 
 mobile business? Kleebaum buys from us cloaks, 
 not oitermobiles. And while I ain't got such good 
 judgment when it comes to oitermobiles, I think I 
 know something about the cloak and suit business, 
 and I got an idea that feller is out to do us. ' ' 
 
 "Why, Abe, you don't know the feller at all," 
 Morris protested. "Why don't you make some in- 
 vestigations about the feller, Abe?" 
 
 "Investigations is nix, Mawruss," Abe replied im- 
 patiently. "When a feller is a crook, Mawruss, he 
 could fool everybody, Mawruss. He could fix things 
 
 347
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 so the merchantile agencies would only find out good 
 things about him, and he buffaloes credit men so 
 that to hear 'em talk you would think he was a mil- 
 lionaire already. No, Mawruss, when you are deal- 
 ing with a crook, investigations is nix. You got to 
 depend on your own judgment." 
 
 "But, Abe," Morris cried, "you got a wrong idee 
 about that feller. Fixman tells me Kleebaum does 
 a fine business in Minneapolis. He has an elegant 
 trade there and he's got a system of oitermobile de- 
 livery which Fixman says is great. He's got three 
 light runabouts fixed up with removable tonneaus, 
 thirty horse-power, two cylinder engines and " 
 
 At this juncture Abe rose to his feet and hurried 
 indignantly toward the cutting-room, where Morris 
 joined him five minutes later. 
 
 "Say, Abe," he said, "while me and Minnie was 
 out with Fixman on Saturday I got a fine idee for 
 an oitermobile wrap." 
 
 Abe turned and fixed his partner with a terrible 
 glare. 
 
 "Tell it to Kleebaum," he roared. 
 
 "I did," Morris said genially, "and he thought 
 it would make a big hit in the trade." 
 
 "Why, when did you seen it, Kleebaum?" Abe 
 asked. 
 
 "This morning on my way over to Lenox Avenue. 
 I met Sol Klinger and as him and me was buying 
 papers near the subway station, comes a big oiter- 
 mobile by the curb and Kleebaum is sitting with 
 
 348
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 another feller in the front seat, what they call a 
 chauffeur, and Kleebaum says, 'Get in and I'll take 
 you down town, ' so we get in and I bet yer we come 
 downtown in fifteen minutes." 
 
 "Ain't Klinger scared to ride in one of them 
 things, Mawruss?" Abe asked. 
 
 ' ' Scared, Abe ? Why should the feller be scared ? 
 Not only he wasn't scared yet, Abe, but he took up 
 Kleebaum 's offer for a ride down to Coney Island 
 yet. Kleebaum said they'd be back by ten o'clock 
 and so Klinger asks me to telephone over to Klein 
 that he would be a little late this morning." 
 
 "That's a fine way for a feller to neglect his busi- 
 ness, Mawruss, ' ' Abe commented. 
 
 Morris nodded without enthusiasm. 
 
 "By the way, Abe," he said, "me and Minnie 
 about decided we would rent the house next door to 
 Fixman's down in Johnsonhurst, so I guess we will 
 go down there again this afternoon at three o 'clock. ' ' 
 
 "At three o'clock!" Abe cried. "Say, lookyhere, 
 Mawruss, what do you think this here is anyway? 
 A bank?" 
 
 "Must I ask you, Abe, if I want to leave early 
 oncet in awhile?" 
 
 "Oncet in awhile is all right, Mawruss, but when 
 a feller does it every day that's something else 
 again. ' ' 
 
 "When did I done it every day, Abe?" Morris 
 demanded. l i Saturday is the first time I leave here 
 early in a year already, while pretty near every af ter- 
 
 349
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 noon, Abe, you got an excuse you should see a cus- 
 tomer up in Broadway and Twenty-ninth Street. ' ' 
 
 ' ' Shall I tell you something, Mawruss, ' ' Abe cried 
 suddenly. "You are going for an oitermobile ride 
 with J. Edward Kleebaum." 
 
 Morris flushed vividly. 
 
 ' ' Supposing I am, Abe, ' ' he replied. ' ' Ain 't Klee- 
 baum a customer from ours ? And how could I turn 
 down a customer, Abe?" 
 
 "Maybe he's a customer, Mawruss, but I wouldn't 
 be certain of it because you could go oitermobile 
 riding with him if you want to, Mawruss, but me, I 
 am going to do something different. I am going to 
 look that feller up, Mawruss, and I bet yer when I 
 get through, Mawruss, we would sooner be selling 
 goods to some of them cutthroats up in Sing Sing 
 already. ' ' 
 
 At three o'clock Minnie entered swathed in veils 
 and a huge fur coat. 
 
 "Well, Abe," she said, "did you hear the latest? 
 "We are going to move to Johnsonhurst. ' ' 
 
 "I wish you joy," Abe grunted. 
 
 "We got a swell place down there," she went on. 
 "Five bedrooms, a parlor and a library with a great 
 big kitchen and a garage." 
 
 "A what?" Abe cried. 
 
 "A place what you put oitermobiles into it," Mor- 
 ris explained. 
 
 "Is that so?" Abe said as he jammed his hat on 
 with both hands. "Well, that don't do no harm, 
 
 350
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEK 
 
 Mawruss, because you could also use it for a dawg 
 house. ' ' 
 
 He slammed the door behind him and five minutes 
 later he entered the business premises of Klinger & 
 Klein. There he found the senior member of the 
 firm busy over the sample line." 
 
 ' * Hallo, Sol ! " he cried. * ' I just seen it Mr. Brady, 
 credit man for the Manhattan Mills, and he says he 
 come across you riding in an oitermobile near Coney 
 Island at nine o'clock this morning already. He 
 says he always thought you and Klein was pretty 
 steady people, but I says nowadays you couldn't 
 never tell nothing about nobody. * Because a feller 
 is a talmudist already, Mr. Brady,' I says, 'that 
 don 't say he ain 't blowing in his money on the horse 
 races yet.' " 
 
 Klinger turned pale. 
 
 "Ain't that a fine thing," he exclaimed, "that a 
 feller with a responsible position like Brady should 
 be fooling away his time at Coney Island in business 
 hours. ' ' 
 
 Abe laughed and clapped Sol Klinger on the back. 
 
 "As a matter of fact, Sol," he said, "I ain't seen 
 Brady in a month, y 'understand, but supposing 
 Brady should come across you in an oitermobile 
 down at Coney Island at nine o 'clock in the morning, 
 y 'understand. I bet yer he would call for a new 
 statement from you and Klein the very next day, Sol, 
 and make you swear to it on a truck load of Bibles 
 already. A feller shouldn't take no chances, Sol." 
 
 351
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 "I was in good company anyhow, Abe," Sol de- 
 clared. "I was with J. Edward Kleebaum, but 1 
 suppose Mawruss Perlmutter told it you. Ain't 
 it?" 
 
 ' ' Sure, he did, ' J Abe said, ' ' and he also told it me 
 last week that you says J. Edward Kleebaum was 
 a crook because he runs a couple of oitermobiles out 
 in Minneapolis." 
 
 "I made a mistake about Kleebaum, Abe," Klin- 
 ger interrupted. * ' I changed my mind about him. ' ' 
 
 "That's all right, Sol," Abe said, "but if Klee- 
 baum was a crook last week, Sol, and a gentleman 
 this week, what I would like to know is, what he 
 will be next week, because I got for twenty-one hun- 
 dred dollars an order from that feller and I got to 
 ship it next week. So if you got any information 
 about Kleebaum, Sol, you would be doing me a favor 
 if you would let me know all about it. ' ' 
 
 "All I know about him is this, Abe," Klinger re- 
 plied. "We drew on him two reports and both of 
 'em gives him fifty to seventy-five thousand credit 
 good. He's engaged to "be married to Miss Julia 
 Pfingst, who is Joseph Pfingst's a daughter." 
 
 "Joseph Pfingst," Abe repeated. "I don't know 
 as I ever hear that name before." 
 
 "It used to be Pfingst & Gusthaler," Klinger went 
 on, "in the rubber goods business on Wooster Street. 
 First they made it raincoats, and then they went into 
 rubber boots, and just naturally they got into bicycle 
 tires, and then comes the oitermobile craze, and Gust- 
 
 352
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 haler dies, and so Pfingst sells oitermobile tires, and 
 now he's in the oitermobile business." 
 
 1 'Certainly, he got there gradually," Abe com- 
 mented. 
 
 "Maybe he did, Abe," Klinger said, "but he also 
 got pretty near a million dollars, and you know as 
 well as I do, Abe, a feller what's a millionaire already 
 don't got to marry off his daughter to a crook, y 'un- 
 derstand. No, Abe, I changed my mind about that 
 feller. I think Kleebaum's a pretty decent feller, 
 and ourselves we sold him goods for twenty-five hun- 
 dred dollars." 
 
 Abe puffed hard on his cigar for a moment. 
 
 "Couldn't you get from the old man a guarantee 
 of the account maybe?" he asked. 
 
 "I sent Klein around there this morning, Abe/' 
 Klinger answered, "and Pfingst says if Kleebaum 
 is good enough to marry his daughter, he's good 
 enough for us to sell goods to, and certainly, Abe, 
 you couldn't blame the old man neither." 
 
 Abe nodded, and a moment later he rose to leave, 
 
 "You shouldn't look so worried about it, Abe," 
 Sol Klinger said. "Everybody is selling that feller 
 this year." 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," Abe cried on Tuesday morn- 
 ing, "I got to confess that I ain't learned nothing 
 new about that feller Kleebaum. Everybody what 
 I seen it speaks very highly of him, Mawruss, and 
 the way I figure it, he bought goods for fifty thou- 
 sand dollars in the last four days. Klinger & Klein 
 
 353
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 sold him, Sammet Brothers sold him, and even 
 Lapidus & Elenbogen ain't left out. I couldn't un- 
 derstand it at all." 
 
 " Couldn't you?" Morris retorted. "Well, I 
 could, Abe. That feller is increasing his business, 
 Abe, because he's got good backing, y 'understand. 
 He's engaged to be married to Julie Pfingst and her 
 father Joseph Pfingst is a millionaire." 
 
 ' * Sure, I know, Mawruss, I seen lots of them mil- 
 lionaires in my time already. Millionaires which 
 everyone thinks is millionaires until the first meet- 
 ing of creditors, and then, Mawruss, they make a 
 composition for twenty cents cash and thirty cents 
 notes at three, six and nine months. Multi-million- 
 aires sometimes pay twenty-five cents cash, but 
 otherwise the notes is the same like millionaires, 
 three, six and nine months, and you could wrap up 
 dill pickles in 'em for all the good they'll do you." 
 
 "What are you talking nonsense, Abe? This fel- 
 ler, Pfingst, is a millionaire. He's got a big oiter- 
 mobile business and sells ten cars a week at twenty- 
 five hundred dollars apiece. Here it is only Tues- 
 day, Abe, and that feller sold two oitermobiles al- 
 ready. 
 
 "Did you count 'em, Mawruss?" Abe asked. 
 
 ' ' Sure, I counted 'em, ' ' Morris replied. He looked 
 boldly into Abe's eyes as he spoke. "One of 'em he 
 sold to Sol Klinger and the other he sold to me. ' ' 
 
 If Morris anticipated making a sensation he was 
 not disappointed. For ten minutes Abe struggled 
 
 354
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 to sort out a few enunciable oaths from the mass of 
 profanity that surged through his brain and at length 
 he succeeded. 
 
 "I always thought you was crazy, Mawruss," he 
 said after the first paroxysm had exhausted itself, 
 ' ' and now I know it. ' ' 
 
 * ' Why am I crazy ? ' ' Morris asked. ' * When a fel- 
 ler lives out in Johnsonhurst you must practically 
 got to have an oitermobile, otherwise you are a dead 
 one. And anyhow, Abe, couldn't I spend my money 
 the way I want to?" 
 
 "Sure, you could," Abe said. "But you didn't 
 spend it the way you wanted to, Mawruss. Klee- 
 baum got you to buy the oitermobile. Ain't it? " 
 
 "Suppose he did, Abe? Kleebaum is a customer 
 of ours. Ain't it? And he got me also a special 
 price on the car. Twenty-one hundred dollars he 
 will get me the car for, Abe, and Fixman looked over 
 the car and he says it's a great piece of work, Abe. 
 He ain't got the slightest idee what I am paying for 
 the car and he says it is well worth twenty-five hun- 
 dred dollars." 
 
 Abe shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 "All right, Mawruss," he said. "It's your fun- 
 eral. Go ahead and buy the oitermobile; only I tell 
 you right now, Mawruss, you are sinking twenty- 
 one hundred dollars cash." 
 
 "Not cash, Abe," Morris corrected. "Pfingst is 
 willing to take a six months' note provided it is in- 
 dorsed by Potash & Perlmutter. ' ' 
 
 355
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEB 
 
 It seemed hardly possible to Morris that more 
 poignant emotion could be displayed than in Abe's 
 first reception of his news, but this last suggestion 
 almost finished Abe. For fifteen minutes he fought 
 off apoplexy and then the storm burst. 
 
 "Say, lookyhere, Abe," Morris protested at the 
 first lull, "you'll make yourself sick." 
 
 But Abe paused only to regain his breath, and it 
 was at least five minutes more before his vocabulary 
 became exhausted. Then he sat down in a chair and 
 mopped his brow, while Morris hastened off to the 
 cutting-room from whence he was recalled a minute 
 later by a shout from Abe. 
 
 "By jimminy, Mawruss!" he cried slapping his 
 knee. ' * I got an idee. Go ahead and buy your oiter- 
 mobile from Pfingst and I will agree that Potash & 
 Perlmutter should endorse the note, y 'understand, 
 only one thing besides. Pfingst has got to guaran- 
 tee to us Kleebaum's account of twenty-one hundred 
 dollars." 
 
 "I'm afraid he wouldn't do it, Abe," Morris said. 
 
 "All right, then I wouldn't do it neither," Abe 
 declared. "But anyhow, Mawruss, it wouldn't do 
 no harm to ask him. Ain't it? "Where is this here 
 feller Pfingst?" 
 
 "At Fiftieth Street and Broadway," Morris 
 said. 
 
 "Well, lookyhere, Mawruss," Abe announced 
 jumping to his feet, "I'm going right away and fill 
 out one of them guarantees what Henry D. Feld- 
 
 356
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 /nan fixes up for us, and also I will write oat & 
 note at six months for twenty-one hundred dol- 
 lars and indorse it with the firm's name. Then if he 
 wants to you could exchange the note for the guaran- 
 tee, Mawruss, and we could ship the goods right 
 away. ' ' 
 
 Morris shook his head doubtfully, while Abe went 
 into the firm's private office. He returned five min- 
 utes afterward flourishing the guarantee. 
 
 It read as follows: 
 
 In consideration of one dollar and other good and valuable 
 considerations I do hereby agree to pay to Potash & Perlmutter 
 Twenty-one hundred dollars ($2100) being the amount of a pur- 
 chase made by J. Edward Kleebaum from them, if he fails to 
 pay said twenty-one hundred dollars ($2100) on May 21st, 1909. 
 I hereby waive notice of Kleebaum's default and Potash & Perl- 
 mutter shall not be required to exhaust their remedy against the 
 said Kleebaum before recourse is had to me. If a petition in 
 bankruptcy be filed by or against said Kleebaum in considera- 
 tion aforesaid I promise to pay to Potash & Perlmutter on de- 
 mand the said sum of twenty-one hundred dollars. 
 
 "If he signs that, Mawruss," Abe said, "you are 
 safe in giving him the note." 
 
 Morris put on his hat and lit a cigar. 
 
 "I will do this thing to satisfy you, Abe," he said, 
 "but I tell you right now, Abe, it ain't necessary, 
 because Kleebaum is as good as gold, y 'understand, 
 and if you don't want to ship him the goods you 
 don't have to." 
 
 Abe grinned ironically. 
 
 4* Potash & Perlmutter. 357
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "How could you talk like that, Mawruss, when 
 the feller is doing you a favor by selling you that 
 oitermobile for twenty-one hundred dollars?" he 
 said. "And besides, Mawruss, if we ship him the 
 goods and he does bust up on us, Pfingst is got to 
 pay the twenty-one hundred dollars, and he couldn't 
 make no claims for shortages or extra discounts 
 neither. 7 ' 
 
 "The idee is all right, Abe," Morris replied as he 
 opened the show-room door, "if the feller would sign 
 it, which I don 't think he would. 
 
 With this ultimatum he hastened uptown to 
 Pfingst 's warerooms, where he assured the automo- 
 bile dealer that unless the guarantee was signed, 
 there would be no sale of the car, for he flatly de- 
 clined to pay cash and Pfingst refused to accept the 
 purchaser's note without Potash & Perlmutter's in- 
 dorsement. After a lengthy discussion Pfingst re- 
 ceded from his position and signed the guarantee, 
 whereupon Morris surrendered the note and returned 
 to his place of business. 
 
 On April 21st Potash & Perlmutter shipped Klee- 
 baum's order, and one week later Morris moved out 
 to Johnsonhurst. Five days after his migration to 
 that garden spot of Greater New York he entered the 
 firm's show-room at a quarter past ten. 
 
 "We got blocked at Flatbush Avenue this morn- 
 ing," he said to Abe, "and " 
 
 But Abe was paying no attention to his partner's 
 excuses. Instead he thrust a morning paper at Mor- 
 
 358
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 ris and with a trembling forefinger indicated the fol- 
 lowing scarehead : 
 
 RICH GIRL WEDS 
 
 OWN CHAUFFEUR 
 
 PFINGST FAMILY SHOCKED BY 
 
 JULIA'S ELOPEMENT 
 
 PAIR REPORTED IN SOUTH 
 
 HEIRESS WAS ABOUT TO 
 
 WED WEALTHY MERCHANT 
 
 BEFORE FLIGHT OCCURRED 
 
 "What d'ye think of that, Mawruss," Abe cried. 
 
 Morris read the story carefully before replying. 
 
 "That's a hard blow to Kleebaum and old man 
 Pfingst, Abe," he said. 
 
 "I bet yer," Abe replied, "but it ain't near the 
 hard blow it's going to be to a couple of concerns 
 what you and me know, Mawruss. Klinger told me 
 only yesterday that Kleebaum would get twenty thou- 
 sand with that girl, Mawruss, and I guess he needed 
 it, Mawruss. Moe Eabiner says that they got weather 
 like January already out in Minnesota, and every re- 
 tail drygoods concern is kicking that they ain't seen 
 a dollar's worth of business this spring." 
 
 "But Kleebaum 's got a tremendous following in 
 Minneapolis, Abe, ' ' Morris said. " He 's got an oiter- 
 mobile delivery system." 
 
 "Don't pull that on me again, Mawruss," Abe 
 broke in. "Women ain't buying summer garments 
 in cold weather just for the pleasure of seeing the 
 goods delivered in an oitermobile, which reminds me, 
 
 359
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 Mawruss: Did Pfingst deliver you his oitermobile 
 yet?" 
 
 Morris blushed. 
 
 "It was delivered yesterday, Abe," he replied. 
 "But the fact is, Abe, I kinder changed my mind 
 about that oitermobile. With oitermobiles I am a new 
 beginner already, so I figure it out this way. Why 
 should I go to work and try experiments with a high 
 price car like that Pfingst car? Ain't it? Now, you 
 take a feller like Fixman who is already an expert, 
 y 'understand, and that's something else again. Fix- 
 man tried out the car last night, Abe, and he thinks 
 it's an elegant car. So I made an arrangement with 
 him that he should pay me fifteen hundred dol- 
 lars cash and I would swap the Pfingst car for a 1907 
 model, Appalachian runabout. That's a fine oiter- 
 mobile, Abe, that Appalachian runabout. In the 
 first place, it's got a detachable tonneau and holds 
 just as many people as the Pfingst car already, only 
 it ain't so complicated. Instead of a six cylinder 
 engine, Abe, it's only got a two cylinder engine." 
 
 "Two is enough for a start, Mawruss," Abe com- 
 mented. 
 
 "Sure," Morris agreed, "and then again instead 
 of a double chain drive its only got a single chain 
 drive, y 'understand. ' ' 
 
 Abe nodded. To him planetary and selective 
 transmission were even as conic sections. 
 
 "Also it's got dry battery ignition, Abe," Morris 
 concluded triumphantly, "instead of one of them 
 
 360
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 now magneto arrangements, which I ain't got no 
 confidence in at all." 
 
 Abe nodded again. 
 
 * ' I never had no confidence in dagoes neither, ' ' he 
 said. "Fellers which couldn't speak the English 
 language properly, y 'understand, is bound to do you 
 sooner or later." 
 
 ' ' So Fixman and me goes around last night to see 
 a feller what lives out in Johnsonhurst by the name 
 Eleazer Levy which Fixman got it for a lawyer, and 
 we drew a bill of sale then and there, Abe, and Fix- 
 man give me a check for fifteen hundred dollars on 
 the Kosciusko Bank." 
 
 "Was it certified?" Abe asked. 
 
 "Well, it wasn't,' 1 '' Morris replied, "but I stopped 
 off at the Kosciusko Bank this morning and " 
 
 "You done right, Mawruss," Abe interrupted. 
 ' ' The first thing you know Fixrnan would claim that 
 the oitermobile ain't the same shade of red like the 
 sample, Mawruss, and stops the check." 
 
 "Fixman ain't that kind, Abe," Morris retorted. 
 1 i The only reason I certified the check was that I hap- 
 pened to be in the neighborhood of the bank, because 
 when you are at the Bridge, Abe, all you got to do is 
 to take a Third Avenue car up Park Row to the Bow- 
 ery and transfer to Grand Street. Then you ride 
 over ten blocks and get out at Clinton Street, y 'un- 
 derstand, and walk four blocks over. So long as it's 
 so convenient, Abe, I just stopped in and got it cer- 
 tified." 
 
 361
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "A little journey like that I would think con- 
 venient, too, if I would got to travel to Johnsonhurst 
 every day, Mawruss," Abe commented, "and any- 
 how, Mawruss, in a swap one of the fellers is always 
 got an idee he's stuck." 
 
 "Well, it ain't me, Abe," Morris protested, "and 
 just to show you, Abe, me and Minnie wants you and 
 Rosie you should come out and take dinner with us 
 on Sunday, and afterwards we could go out for a ride 
 in the runabout." 
 
 "Gott soil hiiten," Abe replied piously. 
 
 "What d'ye mean!" Morris cried. "You 
 wouldn't come out and have dinner with us?" 
 
 "Sure, we will come to dinner, Mawruss," Abe 
 said, "but if we want to go for a ride, Mawruss, a 
 trolley car is good enough for Rosie and me. ' ' 
 
 Nevertheless the following Sunday found Abe and 
 Rosie snugly enclosed in the detachable tonneau of 
 the Appalachian runabout, while Morris sat at the 
 tiller with Minnie by his side and negotiated the easy 
 grades of rural Long Island at the decent speed of 
 ten miles an hour. 
 
 "Ain't it wonderful," Abe exclaimed, "what 
 changes comes about in a couple of years already! 
 Former times when a lodge brother died, I used to 
 think the ride out to Cypress Hills was a pleasure 
 already, Mawruss, but when I think how rotten the 
 roads was and what poor accommodations them car- 
 riages was compared to this, Mawruss, I'm surprised 
 that I could have enjoyed myself at all. This here 
 
 362
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEE 
 
 oitermobile riding is something what you would call 
 really comfortable, Mawruss." 
 
 But Abe's observations were ill-timed, for hardly 
 had he finished speaking when the runabout slowed 
 down to the accompaniment of loud explosions in the 
 muffler. Eosie's shrieks mingled with Abe's excla- 
 mations, and when at length the car came to a stand- 
 still and the explosions ceased Abe scrambled down 
 and helped out the half-fainting Eosie. 
 
 "Any car is liable to do that," Morris explained as 
 Minnie searched for a bottle of liquid restorative. 
 "I could fix it in five minutes." 
 
 At length Minnie found the bottle in the tire box, 
 which contained, instead of a tire, two dozen sand- 
 wiches, eight cold frankfurters, some dill pickles and 
 a ringkuchen, for they did not contemplate returning 
 to Johnsonhurst until long past supper time. 
 
 Morris' estimate of the repair job's duration 
 proved slightly inaccurate. He messed around with 
 his tool bag and explored the carburetter again and 
 again until two hours had elapsed without result. 
 During this period only a few motor cars had passed, 
 for the road was not a popular automobile thorough- 
 fare. At length a large red car bore down on them, 
 and as it came within a hundred yards it slowed down 
 and came to a stop beside the Appalachian runabout. 
 
 "Well, well," cried a familiar voice, "if this ain't 
 the whole firm of Potash & Perlmutter." 
 
 Abe looked up. 
 
 "Hallo, Kleebaum," he exclaimed, "I thought you 
 
 363
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 was home in Minneapolis. What are you doing in 
 New York?" 
 
 "This ain't New York by about forty miles, " Klee- 
 baum replied. He was seated at the side of a square- 
 jawed professional chauffeur who eyed with ill-con- 
 cealed mirth Morris ' very unprofessional handling of 
 automobile tools. 
 
 "Lemme look at it," the chauffeur said, as he 
 climbed from his seat. He gave a hasty glance at the 
 dry battery ignition and laughed uproariously. 
 
 "You'se guys will stay here till Christmas if you 
 expect to get that car into running condition," he 
 said. "The only thing for you'se to do is to let me 
 give you a tow into Jamaica. They'll fix you up at 
 the garage there." 
 
 "I'm much obliged to you," Morris replied. 
 
 "Don't mention it," the chauffeur went on. "1 
 won't charge you unreasonable. Ten dollars is my 
 figure. ? ' 
 
 ' ' What ! ' ' Abe and Morris cried with one voice. 
 
 "Why, you wouldn't charge these gentlemen noth- 
 ing," Kleebaum said with a violent wink. "They're 
 friends of mine. ' ' 
 
 "I know they was friends of yours," the chauffeur 
 replied, * ' and that 's why I made it ten dollars. Any- 
 one else I'd say twenty." 
 
 For almost half an hour Abe and Morris haggled 
 with the chauffeur. They were vigorously supported 
 by Kleebaum, who punctuated his scathing condemna- 
 tion of the chauffeur's greed with a series of surrepti- 
 
 304
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 tious winks which encouraged the latter to remain 
 firm in his demand. Finally Morris peeled off two 
 five-dollar bills and an hour later the Appalachian 
 runabout was ignominiously hauled into a Jamaica 
 garage. 
 
 The chauffeur alighted from his car and drew the 
 proprietor of the garage aside into his private office. 
 
 " Billy," he said in a hoarse whisper, "this here 
 baby carriage is got the oldest brand of dry battery 
 ignition and one of the wires has come loose from the 
 binding screw. It'll take about a minute and a half 
 to fix." 
 
 The proprietor nodded and passed over a dollar 
 bill. Then he sprang out onto the floor of the 
 garage. 
 
 "Eyan," he bellowed to his foreman, "get the big 
 jack, and tell Schwartz to start up the motor lathe." 
 
 Then he turned to Abe and Mawruss. 
 
 ' * This here '11 be a two hours ' job, gents, ' ' he said, 
 "and I advise you to get your supper at the hotel 
 acrosst the street." 
 
 "But how much is it going to cost us!" Morris 
 asked. 
 
 For five minutes the proprietor figured on the back 
 of an envelope. 
 
 "Fifteen dollars and twenty-two cents," he said, 
 and Abe and Morris staggered to the street, followed 
 by their wives. 
 
 Twenty minutes later Kleebaum and the chauffeur 
 drew up in front of a road house 
 
 365
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Your blow,'* the chauffeur cried. 
 
 Kleebaum nodded. 
 
 "Come across with that five first," he said, and 
 after the transfer had been made they disappeared 
 into the sabbatical entrance. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," Abe exclaimed when Morris en- 
 tered the show-room at ten o'clock the next morning. 
 "What did I told you last week! Wasn't I right 1" 
 
 "I know you told me that one party to a swap was 
 practically bound to get stuck, Abe," Morris ad- 
 mitted, "but with an oitermobile " 
 
 "Again oitermobile!" Abe cried, "You got oiter- 
 mobile on the brain, Mawruss. Whenever I open my 
 mouth, Mawruss, you go+ an idee I'm going to talk 
 about oitermobiles. This is something else again. 
 Didn't you get a morning paper, Mawruss?" 
 
 Morris shrugged. 
 
 "When a feller lives out in a place called Johnson- 
 hurst, Abe," he replied sadly, "he is lucky if he 
 could get a cup of coffee before he leaves the house. 
 Our range is busted." 
 
 "Something else is busted, too, Mawruss/' Abe 
 said as he handed the morning paper to Morris. The 
 page which contained the "Business Troubles" 
 column was folded at the following news item: 
 
 J. EDWARD KLEEBAUM, Minneapolis, Minn. The Wonder Cloak 
 and Suit Store, J. Edward Kleebaum, Proprietor, was closed 
 up by the sheriff under an execution in favor of Joseph Pfingst, 
 who recovered a judgment yesterday in the Supreme Court for 
 $5800, money loaned. Kleebaum is supposed to be in New York 
 
 366
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 trying to make some arrangements with his creditors. Later 
 in the day a petition in bankruptcy was filed against him by 
 Kugler, Jacobi and Henck representing the following New York 
 creditors : Klinger & Klein, $2500; Sammet Brothers, $1800; 
 Lapidus & Elenbogen, $750. 
 
 Morris handed the paper back to his partner. 
 
 4 'Well, Abe," he said, "what are we going to do 
 about it?" 
 
 "We already done it, Mawruss," Abe replied,, "I 
 sent down Pfingst's guarantee to Henry D. Feldman 
 at nine o'clock already, and I told him he shouldn't 
 wait, but if Pfingst wouldn't pay up to-day yet to sue 
 him in the courts. ' ' 
 
 Morris shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 "We shouldn't be in such a hurry, Abe," he said. 
 "Pfingst treated us right, and why shouldn't we 
 give him a chance to make good!" 
 
 "Because he don't deserve it, Mawruss," Abe re- 
 joined as he started off for the show-room. "If he 
 would of took better care of his daughter she 
 wouldn't of run off with this here chauffeur, and 
 Kleebaum wouldn't got to fail. Also, Mawruss, you 
 shouldn 't talk that way neither, because if it 
 wouldn't be for Pfingst you wouldn't got stuck with 
 that oitermobile which we rode in it yesterday. ' ' 
 
 "Well, I ain't out much on it, Abe." 
 
 "What d'ye mean you ain't out much on it?" Abe 
 exclaimed. "It stands you in six hundred dollars, 
 ain't it?" 
 
 ' ' Sure, I know, ' ' Morris replied, ' ' but this morning 
 
 367
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 I come downtown with the feller what rents us the 
 house out in Johnsonhurst and you never seen a fel- 
 ler so crazy about oitermobiles in all your life, Abe. ' ' 
 
 "Except you, Mawruss," Abe broke in. 
 
 "Me, I ain't so crazy about 'em no longer," Mor- 
 ris declared. "So I fixed it up with this feller that 
 he should take the Appalachian runabout off my 
 hands for four hundred dollars and he should also 
 give me a cancellation of the lease which we got of 
 his house. Furthermore, Abe, he pays our moving 
 expenses back to a Hundred and Eighteenth Street." 
 
 Abe sat down in the nearest chair. 
 
 "So you're going to move back to a Hundred and 
 Eighteenth Street, Mawruss," he exclaimed. "Why, 
 what's the matter with Johnsonhurst, Mawruss? I 
 thought you told it me Johnsonhurst was such a fine 
 place. ' ' 
 
 "So it is, Abe," Morris admitted. "The air is 
 great out there, Abe, but at the same time, Abe, the 
 air ain't so rotten on a Hundred and Eighteenth 
 Street neither, y 'understand, and the train service 
 is a whole lot better." 
 
 "You're right, Mawruss," Abe said, "and with 
 all these oitermobile rides and things you waste too 
 much time already. A feller should always con- 
 sider business ahead of pleasure. ' ' 
 
 Morris looked at his bruised and oil stained hands. 
 
 "Oitermobile riding!" he cried. "That's a pleas- 
 ure, Abe. Believe me I'd as lief work in a rolling 
 mill." 
 
 368
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEP 
 
 CHAPTER XVI 
 
 MORRIS PERLMUTTER'S front parlor rep- 
 resented an eclectic taste, and the fine arts 
 had been liberally patronized in its decora- 
 tion. On the wall hung various subjects in oil, in- 
 cluding still life, landscapes, marine scenes and 
 figures, all of which had been billed to Morris by a 
 Fourteenth Street dealer as: 
 
 A dozen assorted oil paintings @ $96 $64 
 
 A dozen shadow boxes for paintings @ 12 8 
 
 $72 
 
 But it was not at the oil paintings that B. Rash- 
 kin gazed. His eyes sought instead the framed and 
 glazed certificate of membership of Morris Perlmut- 
 ter in Harmony Lodge 41, Independent Order Mattai 
 Aaron. 
 
 "Them very people hold the mortgage, Mr. Perl- 
 mutter, ' ' Rashkin said, ' ' and with the influence what 
 you got it in the order, why " 
 
 "Lookyhere, Rashkin," Perlmutter interrupted, 
 "you're a real estater, and if you don't get up at 
 eight o'clock then you get up at nine, and it's all 
 the same; but me, I am in the cloak business, and 
 I got to get downtown at seven o'clock, and so I'm 
 going to tell you again what I told it you before. Go 
 
 369
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 and see Abe to-morrow, and put this proposition up 
 to him like it was something you never told me noth- 
 ing about, y 'understand f Then if he makes the sug- 
 gestion to me, Eashkin, I would say all right. Be- 
 cause if it should be me what would make the 
 suggestion to him, y 'understand, he wouldn't have 
 nothing to do with it. And even if he should con- 
 sent to go into it, and if we lost money on the deal, 
 Eashkin, I wouldn 't never hear the end of it. ' ' 
 
 Eashkin nodded and seized his hat. 
 
 "All right," he said, "I will do what you say, Mr. 
 Perlmutter. But with them three lots it's like this: 
 they're owned by " 
 
 Morris yawned with a noise like a performing sea 
 lion. 
 
 "Tell it to Potash to-morrow, Eashkin," he said, 
 and led the way to the hall door. 
 
 Accordingly the next morning Eashkin entered the 
 salesroom of Potash & Perlmutter, where Abe was 
 scanning the "Arrival of Buyers" column in the 
 Daily Cloak and Suit Eecord. 
 
 "Good morning, Mr. Potash," B. Eashkin said. 
 "Ain't it a fine weather?" 
 
 "Oh, good morning," Abe cried. 
 
 "You don't know my face, do you?" Eashkin said. 
 
 "I know your face," Abe said, "but your name 
 ain't familiar. I guess I seen you in Seattle, ain't 
 it?" 
 
 B. Eashkin nodded. He had never been farther 
 West than Jersey City Heights. 
 
 370
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Well, how is things in Seattle, Mister er -* 
 
 "Rashkin," B. Rashkin supplied. 
 
 "Rashkin?" Abe went on, and then he paused, but 
 not for an answer. "Rashkin why, I don't know 
 no one from that name in Seattle." 
 
 "No?" Rashkin replied. "Well, the fact is, Mr. 
 Potash, I ain't come to see you about Seattle. I 
 come to see you about three lots up in Two Hundred 
 and Sixty-fourth Street." 
 
 The urbane smile faded at once from Abe's face 
 and gave place to a dark scowl. 
 
 "Oh!" he exclaimed, "a real estater. I ain't got 
 no time to fool away with real estaters." 
 
 "This ain't fooling away your time, Mr. Potash," 
 Rashkin said. "Let me explain the proposition to 
 you. ' ' 
 
 Without waiting for permission he at once di- 
 vulged the object of his visit, while Abe listened with 
 the bored air of an unemployed leading man at a 
 professional matinee. 
 
 "Yes, Mr. Potash," B. Rashkin concluded, after 
 half an hour's conversation, "I seen it bargains in 
 my time, but these here lots is the biggest bargains 
 yet." 
 
 "Vacant lots ain't never bargains, Rashkin," Abe 
 commented. "What's the use from vacant lots, any- 
 way? A feller what's got vacant lots is like I would 
 say I am in the cloak business if I only get it an 
 empty store with nothing in it." 
 
 Abe glanced proudly around him at the well- 
 
 371
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 stocked racks, where the new season's goods were 
 neatly arranged for prospective buyers. 
 
 "But the real-estate business ain't like the cloak 
 business, Mr. Potash," B. Rashkin said. 
 
 "Real estate!" Abe interrupted. "Vacant lots 
 ain 't no real estate, Rashkin. Vacant lots is just imi- 
 tation real estate. You couldn't say you got it real 
 estate when you only got vacant lots, no more as a 
 feller what buys a gold setting could say he's got it 
 a diamond ring." 
 
 "Diamonds is something else again," said B. 
 Rashkin. "I ain't no judge of diamonds, Mr. Potash, 
 but about real estate, Mr. Potash, I ain't no fool 
 neither, y 'understand, and these here three lots what 
 I talk to you about is the only three vacant lots in 
 the neighborhood. ' ' 
 
 "Might you think that's a recommendation, 
 maybe, Rashkin," Abe replied, "but I don't. You 
 come around here to try to sell it me a couple of 
 lots, and you got to admit yourself they're stickers." 
 
 "They ain't stickers, Mr. Potash," B. Rashkin 
 protested. 
 
 "No?" Abe said. "What's the reason they ain't 
 stickers, Rashkin? If they ain't stickers why ain't 
 somebody built on 'em?" 
 
 "You don't understand," B. Rashkin explained. 
 "Them lots is an estate that was in litigation, and 
 it's only just been settled up; so that they couldn't 
 sell 'em no matter who would want to buy 'em. Now 
 I got 'em to entertain an offer of eighty-three thirty- 
 
 372
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEK 
 
 three apiece, or twenty-five thousand for the three 
 lots, all cash above a blanket mortgage of ten thou- 
 sand dollars held by the Independent Order Mattai 
 Aaron. I seen it also Milton M. Sugarman, the at- 
 torney for the L 0. M. A., and he tells me that they 
 would probably be agreeable to make a building loan 
 on them lots of twenty-five thousand on each thirty- 
 seven six front." 
 
 ''That don't interest me none neither," Abe re- 
 plied, "because I ain't in the building business, Bash- 
 kin ; I am in the cloak and suit business. ' ' 
 
 "Sure, I know," said Eashkin; "but this is an 
 opportunity which it wouldn't occur again oncet in 
 twenty years." 
 
 "Don't limit yourself, Eashkin," Abe retorted. 
 "Make it fifty years. It's all the same to me, be- 
 cause I wouldn't touch it, Eashkin." 
 
 "But, Mr. Potash," Eashkin broke in, "if your 
 partner, Mr. Perlmutter, would be agreeable, 
 wouldn' you consider it?" 
 
 "What's the use asking me hypocritical questions, 
 Eashkin?" Abe replied. "Mawruss would no more 
 touch it as I would. You don't know what a crank I 
 got it for a partner, Eashkin. If I would just hint 
 that I wanted to buy real estate, y 'under stand, that 
 feller would go all up in the air. And even if he 
 would buy it with me yet, and we should lose maybe 
 a little money, I would never hear the end of it. 
 That's the way it goes with a feller like Mawruss 
 Perlmutter, Eashkin. ' ' 
 
 *4Potath & Perlmutter, 373
 
 B. Rashkin put on his hat and rose sadly. 
 
 "Well, Mr. Potash," he concluded, "all I can say 
 is you lost a splendid opportunity. Why, if I could 
 only get it a feller to take over one of them thirty- 
 seven six parcels, I would buy the other one myself 
 and put up a fine building there!" 
 
 "I'm sure I ain't stopping you, Rashkin," Abe 
 said. "Go ahead and build, and I wish you all the 
 luck you could want; and if you should get somebody 
 else to take the other one and a half lots, I wish him 
 the same and many of 'em. Also, Rashkin, if I was a 
 real estater I would be glad to fool away my time 
 with you, Raskin, but being as I am in the cloak 
 business I you ain't going, Raskin, are you?" 
 
 Rashkin answered by banging the door behind 
 him and Abe repaired to the cutting-room, where 
 Morris Perlmutter was superintending the reception 
 and disposal of piece goods. 
 
 "Who was that salesman you was talking to a 
 while ago, Abe?" he asked innocently. 
 
 "That wasn't no salesman, Mawruss; that was a 
 loafer," Abe replied. 
 
 "A loafer!" Morris said. "He didn't look like a 
 loafer, Abe. He looked like a real estater. ' ? 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," said Abe, "to me a real estater 
 looks like a loafer, especially, Mawruss, when he 
 comes around with a bum proposition like he got 
 it." 
 
 "What for a proposition was it, Abe?" Morris 
 asked. 
 
 374
 
 "Ask me!" Abe exclaimed, "That real estater 
 gives me a long story about some vacant lots, and an 
 estate, and the Independent Order Mattai Aaron, and 
 a lot more stuff what I don 't believe the feller under- 
 stands about himself. ' ' 
 
 "But there you was talking to that real estater 
 pretty near an hour, Abe, and you couldn't even tell 
 it me what he wants at all, ' ' Morris protested. 
 
 ' ' To tell you the truth, Mawruss, ' ' Abe replied, * * I 
 ain't interested in what real estaters says. Real 
 estaters, insurance canvassers and book agents, Maw- 
 russ, is all the same to me. They go in by one ear 
 and come out by the other." 
 
 "Why, for all you know, Abe, the feller would have 
 maybe some big bargains." 
 
 "If you are looking for bargains like that feller 
 got it, Mawruss," Abe retorted, "you could find 
 plenty of 'em by green-goods men. If you give me 
 my choice between gold bricks and vacant lots, Maw- 
 russ, I would say gold bricks. ' ' 
 
 Morris turned away impatiently. 
 
 "What do you know about real estate, Abe?" he 
 cried. 
 
 "Not much, Mawruss," Abe admitted, "but I 
 know one thing about gold bricks, Mawruss: you 
 don't got to pay no taxes on 'em." 
 
 That evening B. Eashkin again presented himself 
 at the One Hundred and Eighteenth Street residence 
 of Morris Perlmutter, and with him came Isaac 
 Pinsky, of the firm of Pinsky & Gubin, architects. 
 
 375
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 Mr. Pinsky had a roll of blue-prints under his arm 
 and a strong line of convincing argument at the tip 
 of his tongue, and the combination proved too much 
 for Morris. Before Eashkin and Pinsky left that 
 evening, Morris had undertaken to purchase a plot 
 thirty-seven feet six inches by one hundred feet, ad- 
 jacent to a similar plot to be purchased by Eashkin. 
 Moreover, he and Eashkin engaged themselves to 
 erect two houses, one on each lot, from the plans and 
 specifications that Pinsky held under his arm. Each 
 house was to be identical with the other in design, 
 construction and material, and an appointment was 
 then and there made for noon the next day at the 
 office of Henry D. Feldman, attorney at law, for 
 the purpose of more formally consummating the 
 deal. 
 
 Thus, when Morris entered the show-room the next 
 morning it became his duty to break the news to his 
 partner, and he approached Abe with a now-for-it 
 air. "Well, Abe," he said, "you was wrong." 
 
 "Sure, I was, Mawruss," Abe replied amiably. 
 ' * With you I am always wrong. What 's the matter 
 now?" 
 
 "You was wrong about that feller Eashkin," Mor- 
 ris explained. "He was up to my house last night, 
 and put the same proposition up to me what he told 
 it you yesterday, and the way I figure it, Abe, we 
 would make money on the deal." 
 
 "I ain't so good on figures what you are, Maw- 
 russ, ' ' Abe replied. ' ' All I can figure is I got enough 
 
 376
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 to do to attend to my own business, Mawruss, with- 
 out going into the building business." 
 
 1 'But we wouldn't got to go into the building busi- 
 ness, Abe," Morris protested. "All we got to do is 
 to put down eight thousand dollars for the lot. Then 
 the I. 0. M. A. makes us a building loan of twenty- 
 five thousand dollars. Rashkin's got plans and 
 specifications drawn by Pinsky & Gubin, a first-class, 
 A Number One archy-teck concern, for which he 
 wouldn't charge us nothing, and then, Abe " 
 
 He paused to fix Abe's attention before finishing 
 his explanation. 
 
 "And then, Abe," he continued, "we hire my Min- 
 nie's brother, Ferdy, what knows the building busi- 
 ness from A to Z, to build it the house for us. All 
 we would got to do is to put up the four thousand 
 apiece, Abe, and when the house is finished Rashkin 
 says we could sell it like a flash." 
 
 "I never sold a flash, Mawruss," Abe said; "and, 
 anyhow, Mawruss, while I ain 't saying nothing about 
 your Minnie 's family, y 'understand, if I would got to 
 go into a deal with a horse-thief like Ferdy Roth- 
 schild, y 'understand, I would take my money first and 
 deposit it for safety with some of them fellers up in 
 Sing Sing. Such a show I should have of getting it 
 back, Mawruss." 
 
 "Lookyhere, Abe," Morris said, "before you 
 would make some cracks about my Minnie's family, 
 how about your Rosie's brother, the one what " 
 
 "S'all right, Mawruss," Abe broke in. "I ain't 
 
 377
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEK 
 
 saying my wife 's brother is so much, neither. This is 
 the way I feel about a feller 's wife 's brother : If he 
 got a little money then he treats you like a dawg, 
 Mawruss, and if he's broke, y 'understand, then your 
 wife gives him all your cigars and ties, and if you 
 should happen to have the same size neck, Mawruss, 
 then all your life you are buying collars and shirts 
 for two. No, Mawruss, I ain't got no confidence in 
 anybody's wife's brother, especially, Mawruss, if a 
 feller should make it a dirty failure like Ferdy Roth- 
 schild did and then takes all the money and blows it 
 in on the horse-races." 
 
 "That's from old times already," Morris pro- 
 tested. "To-day he's a decent, hardworking feller, 
 Abe, and for two years he's been working for the 
 Rheingold Building and Construction Company. 
 What he don't know about putting up tenement 
 houses, Abe, ain't worth knowing." 
 
 "And what I don't know about putting up tene- 
 ment houses, Mawruss," Abe said, "would fill one of 
 them Carnegie Libraries, Mawruss; and also, fur- 
 thermore, Mawruss, I don't want to know nothing 
 about it, neither. And also, Mawruss, if you should 
 stand there and talk to me all day it wouldn't make 
 no difference. If you want to build tenement houses, 
 Mawruss, you got my permission; but you could 
 leave me out. I got my own troubles with cloaks." 
 
 Morris rose. 
 
 "All right, Abe," he said. "I give you your 
 chance, Abe, and you wouldn 't take it. ' ' 
 
 378
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "What d'ye mean, Mawruss?" Abe asked. 
 
 ' * I mean, Abe, that I will go into this alone by my- 
 self, and only one thing I beg of you, Abe : don't come 
 to me in six months' time and claim that I wouldn't 
 let you in on a good thing. I have done my best. ' ' 
 
 The air of simple dignity with which Morris deliv- 
 ered his ultimatum was marred to some extent by a 
 raucous laugh from Abe. 
 
 "Don't do me no favors, Mawruss," he jeered. 
 "All I got to say is that if I was you, Mawruss, I 
 would get this here archy-teck and B. Rashkin, and 
 also your brother-in-law, Ferdy, together, and I 
 would make 'em an offer of settlement for, say, three 
 thousand dollars, Mawruss. Because the way I 
 figure it out, this thing would stand you in as much 
 money as that and a whole lot of worry, too." 
 
 "You shouldn't be so generous with your advice, 
 Abe," Morris retorted. 
 
 "Oh, I don't charge you nothing for it, Maw- 
 russ, ' ' Abe said, as he turned to the ' * Arrival of Buy- 
 ers" column, and, for lack of appropriate rejoinder, 
 Morris snorted indignantly and banged the show- 
 room door behind him. 
 
 For the remainder of the afternoon Abe's face 
 wore a malicious grin. It was there when Morris left 
 to keep his appointment at Henry D. Feldman's office, 
 and when he returned four hours later the malice, if 
 anything, had intensified. 
 
 "Well, Mawruss," Abe cried, "I suppose you fixed 
 it all up?" 
 
 379
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 "It don't go so quick, Abe," Morris replied. His 
 manner was as cheerful as only that of a man who has 
 struggled hard to repress a fit of violent profanity 
 can be for the meeting at Henry D. Feldman's ofSco 
 had been fraught with many nerve-racking incidents. 
 Imprimis, there had been Feldman 's retainer, a gen- 
 erous one, and then had come the discussion of the 
 building-loan agreement with Milton M. Sugarman, 
 attorney for the I. 0. M. A. 
 
 Feldman assured Morris that it was customary for 
 the borrower to pay the fees of the attorney for the 
 lender, incidental to drawing and recording the neces- 
 sary papers, and Morris had also learned that the 
 high premiums of insurance for the building to be 
 erected would come out of his pocket. Moreover, he 
 had seen B. Eashkin credited with commissions for 
 bringing about Morris' purchase of the lot, and for 
 the first time he had ascertained that he also owed B. 
 Eashkin two hundred and fifty dollars commission for 
 procuring a building loan from the I. 0. M. A. 
 
 So far he reckoned that his investment exceeded B. 
 Eashkin 's by a thousand dollars, and when he consid- 
 ered that B. Eashkin would be his own superintend- 
 ent of construction, while he, Morris, would be obliged 
 to hire Ferdy Eothschild, at a compensation of seven 
 hundred and fifty dollars, to perform that same office 
 for him, Abe's advice appeared too sound to be 
 pleasant. 
 
 "No, Abe," he said, "it don't go so quick. I got 
 another appointment for next week." 
 
 380
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 Abe grunted. 
 
 "All I got to say, Mawruss," he commented, "you 
 shouldn 't forget you are a partner in a cloak and suit 
 business. ' ' 
 
 "Don't worry," Morris replied; "you wouldn't let 
 me forget that, Abe. ' ' He strode off toward the cut- 
 ting-room and once more Abe resumed his fixed grin. 
 
 It must be confessed that through the entire six 
 months of his building operations Morris maintained 
 a stoic calm that effectually hid the storm raging 
 within his breast. All the annoyances incidental to 
 building a house were heaped on Morris, and both 
 he and Eashkin, equally, suffered petty blackmail at 
 the hands of the attorney and the architect for the 
 building-loan mortgagee. 
 
 In the meantime Abe 's grin gained in breadth and 
 malice, and on more than one occasion Morris had 
 foregone the pleasure of assaulting his partner only 
 by the exercise of remarkable self-control. 
 
 "Do me the favor, Abe," he said at length, "and 
 let me in on this joke." 
 
 "It ain't no joke, Mawruss," Abe replied. "I 
 thought you found that out already." 
 
 "If you mean the house, Abe," Morris answered, 
 "all I got to say is that, if there should be any joke 
 about it, Abe, the joke is on you, for that house is 
 pretty near finished." 
 
 "I'm glad to hear it, Mawruss," Abe said. "I 
 suppose Ferdy Eothschild did it a good job on the 
 house. ' ' 
 
 381
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 "Sure, he did," Morris said. 
 
 "He didn't get no rake-offs from material men or 
 nothing, Mawruss. What?" Abe asked. 
 
 ' ' Rake-offs ! ' ' Morris cried. ' ' What d 'ye mean by 
 that?" 
 
 "I mean I seen it Gussarow, the glass man, on the 
 subway last night, Mawruss," Abe explained, "and 
 he says that for every pane of glass what went into 
 your house, Mawruss, Ferdy Rothschild gets his rake- 
 off." 
 
 "Well, what do I care?" Morris retorted. "If 
 Gussarow could stand it, Abe, I can. ' ' 
 
 "Gussarow can stand it all right, Mawruss," Abe 
 said reassuringly. "All he's got to do is to put it on 
 the bill." 
 
 "Well, if he put it on my bill, Abe, ' ' Morris replied, 
 "he also put it on Rashkin's bill, because him and me 
 bought the same building material all the way 
 through, and I wouldn't pay no bills till I saw that 
 Rashkin don't get charged less as I do." 
 
 This was conclusive, and Abe's grin relaxed for 
 several inches, nor did it resume its normal width 
 until some days later when Morris began to negotiate 
 for his permanent mortgage loan. Once Morris 
 remonstrated with him for his levity. 
 
 "Must you go around looking like a crazy idiot, 
 Abe?" 
 
 "I must got to laugh, Mawruss," Abe protested, 
 "when I seen it Sam Feder, of the Kosciusko Bank, 
 this morning, and he tells it me you got a permanent 
 
 382
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 mortgage from the I. 0. M. A. He says Milton M. 
 Sugarman told him you got it ahead of Rashkin, be- 
 cause you got influence as a lodge brother of Sugar- 
 man.'* 
 
 "Sure, I did," Morris admitted. 
 
 "And then, Mawruss," Abe went on, "Rashkin 
 hears that the I. 0. M. A. is going to make you a per- 
 manent loan, so he goes to see Sugarman too." 
 
 ' ' That 's right, ' ' Morris agreed. 
 
 "And he says to Sugarman that so long as Sugar- 
 man is got to search the title to your house he 
 wouldn 't have to search the title to Rashkin 's house, 
 because both houses stands on the same piece of prop- 
 erty. So he makes a proposition that if Sugarman 
 would charge him only a hundred dollars he would 
 put in an application by the I. 0. M. A. for a per- 
 manent loan. Otherwise he would get it from a life- 
 insurance company. ' ' 
 
 Morris nodded ironically. 
 
 "And Sugarman says he would do it, I suppose," 
 he broke in. "No, Abe, Sugarman ain't built that 
 way. It costs me five hundred dollars for that loan, 
 Abe." 
 
 "I know it did, Mawruss," Abe said, "and Feder 
 says that Sugarman told him he charges you five hun- 
 dred dollars, and so he don't want to be a hog, Maw- 
 russ, and, therefore, he closes with Rashkin for a hun- 
 dred and fifty." 
 
 Morris' jaw dropped and he stared at Abe. 
 
 "Furthermore, Mawruss," Abe went on, "Rash- 
 
 383
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 kin comes in to see Feder the other day and tells 
 Feder he would be glad to make a quick turn. And 
 he tells Feder that house stands him in eight thou- 
 sand dollars cash and he would be glad to sell it for 
 forty-four five, all cash above the new first mortgage 
 of thirty-three thousand. " 
 
 Morris nodded. 
 
 "But, Abe," he croaked, "how could he do that? 
 Reckoning all the mortgages and everything, and 
 what I invested and paid out for building material 
 over and above the building loan, that house stands 
 me in just eleven thousand two hundred and fifty 
 dollars cash. If I would come out even on that house 
 I got to sell it for forty-five seven-fifty, and I reck- 
 oned on forty-seven thousand as a fair price for the 
 house." 
 
 "Sure, you did," Abe said cheerfully. 
 
 "And how that feller, Rashkin, could claim that 
 his house stands him in eight thousand dollars cash 
 is more as I could understand, Abe," Morris said. 
 "Because while I know it I spent for commissions 
 and for Ferdy Rothschild a couple thousand more as 
 Rashkin, A.be, our building material cost the same, 
 Abe." 
 
 "Sure it did on the bills, Mawruss," Abe replied; 
 "but Gussarow says that of course he don't know 
 nothing about the other material men, but when he 
 sends the bill to you he also sends the same bill to 
 Rashkin, and when you send him a check for your 
 bill, Ferdy Rothschild gets five per cent. Also Rash- 
 
 384.
 
 kin sends Gussarow a check for his bill with five per 
 cent, discount, and Ferdy Rothschild schmiers Rash- 
 kin a twenty-dollar note, and that's the way it goes." 
 
 Morris sat down in the nearest chair and blinked 
 helplessly at Abe. 
 
 "What do you think for a couple of crooks like 
 that, Abe f " he croaked. 
 
 "What do I think, Mawruss?" Abe repeated. "I 
 think that one of 'em is a brother-in-law, Mawruss, 
 and the other is a real estater, Mawruss, and that's 
 a bad combination. ' ' 
 
 "But I could make 'em arrested, Abe?" Morris 
 declared, "and, by jimminy, I will do it, too/ 
 
 Abe shrugged. 
 
 "You couldn't do that, Mawruss," he said, "be- 
 cause in the first place, Mawruss, your Minnie 
 wouldn't stand for it; and in the second place, them 
 two fellers would fix up a fine story between 'em 
 and the judge would let 'em go. And then, Maw- 
 russ, they would turn around and go to work and 
 sue you for false arresting; and the first thing you 
 know, Mawruss, it would stand you in a couple of 
 thousand dollars more." 
 
 Morris nodded sadly. 
 
 "I believe you're right, Abe," he murmured. 
 
 "Sure, I'm right, Mawruss," Abe said; "and also, 
 Mawruss, while I wouldn't want to say nothing to 
 make you feel worse already, I got to say, Mawruss, 
 that if you would believe I was right six months ago 
 yet, you wouldn't got to believe I was right now." 
 
 335
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 Morris nodded again. He was thoroughly 
 crushed, and he looked so appealingly at his partner 
 that Abe was unable to withhold his comfort and 
 advice. 
 
 "Lookyhere, Mawruss," he said, "a feller's got 
 to make a mistake sometimes. Ain't it! And if he 
 didn't get stuck for a couple of thousand dollars 
 oncet in a while he wouldn't know the value of his 
 money. Ain't it? But as this thing stands now, 
 Mawruss, I got an idee you ain't stuck so bad as what 
 you think." 
 
 ' ' No f " Morris said. ' ' Why ain 't I, Abe ? " 
 
 "Well, Mawruss, I'll tell you," Abe began, with 
 no clear conception of how he would finish. "You 
 know me, Mawruss; I ain't a feller what's got a 
 whole lot to say for myself, but I ain't got such bad 
 judgment, neither, Mawruss." 
 
 "I seen fellers with worser judgment as you, 
 Abe," Morris said. 
 
 Abe could not forbear a stare of astonishment at 
 this grudging admission. 
 
 "At last you got to admit it, Mawruss," he cried; 
 "but anyhow, Mawruss, go ahead and finish up this 
 here permanent-mortgage-loan business, and then, 
 Mawruss, I will do all I can to help you out." 
 
 Morris rose to his feet. 
 
 "Well, Abe," he began in shaking tones, "I must 
 got to say that I " 
 
 "Lookyhere, Mawruss," Abe broke in savagely, 
 4 'ain't we fooled away enough time here this morn- 
 
 386
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 ing? Just because you got your troubles with this 
 here building, Mawruss, ain't no reason why we 
 shouldn't attend to business, Mawruss." 
 
 He handed Morris a black cigar, and as they 
 started for the cutting-room they gave vent to their 
 pent-up emotions in great clouds of comforting 
 smoke. 
 
 The next fortnight was fraught with so many dis- 
 agreeable experiences for Morris that he appeared to 
 age visibly, and once more Abe was moved to ex- 
 press his sympathy. 
 
 "You shouldn't take on so, Mawruss," he said, 
 the morning after the permanent loan was closed. 
 "The first thing you know, Mawruss, you will be 
 getting a nervous break-up, already." 
 
 ' ' I bet yer I would get a nervous break-up, Abe, ' ' 
 Morris agreed. "If you would be me, Abe, you 
 would get a nervous break-up, too. In the first 
 place, Abe, I got to pay them suckers them archy- 
 tecks, Pinsky & Gubin, a hundred dollars before they 
 would give it me their final certificate, and then, 
 Abe, I got to schmier it a feller in the tenement- 
 house department another hundred dollars. And 
 then, Abe, I told it them other two crooks what I 
 thought of 'em, Abe, and you ought to hear the way 
 that horse-thief talks back to me, already." 
 
 "Horse-thief!" Abe said. "Which one, Maw- 
 russ!" 
 
 ' ' That Ferdy Rothschild, Abe, ' ' Morris continued. 
 "So sure as I stand here, Abe, if that feller wouldn't 
 
 387
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 be my wife's brother, I would make for him a couple 
 blue eyes he wouldn't forgot so quick." 
 
 "With a feller like that, Mawruss," Abe said, 
 "you shouldn't bother yourself at all. If you make 
 a lowlife bum a couple blue eyes, he will make you 
 also a couple blue eyes, maybe, and that's all there 
 is to it, Mawruss. But when you make it a crook 
 like Ferdy Rothschild a couple blue eyes, then that's 
 something else again. Such a schwindler like him, 
 Mawruss, would turn right around and sue you in 
 the courts yet for damages, and the first thing you 
 know you are stuck for a couple thousand dollars." 
 
 "Well, I am through with him, anyhow," Morris 
 replied, "so we wouldn't talk no more about him. 
 
 A dirty dawg like him, Abe, ain't worth a a " 
 
 He was searching his mind for a sufficiently trivial 
 standard of comparison when Abe interrupted him. 
 
 "I thought you wasn't going to talk about him, 
 Mawruss," he said; "and, anyhow, Mawruss, what's 
 the use talking about things what is past already? 
 What we got to do now, Mawruss, is to sell that 
 house." 
 
 "I know it, Abe," Morris replied ruefully, "but 
 how are we going to sell that house with B. Rashkin 
 going around offering to sell the identical same house 
 for forty-four five? If I would be lucky enough to 
 get forty-five seven-fifty for mine, Abe, I would still 
 be out several hundred dollars." 
 
 "You talk foolish, Mawruss; you would get forty- 
 seven thousand, sure, for that house." 
 
 388
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 ' ' Would I?" Morris cried. "How would I do 
 that?" 
 
 "Leave that to me," Abe replied. 
 
 He put on his hat and coat. 
 
 "Where are you going, Abe?" Morris asked. 
 
 Abe waggled his head solemnly. 
 
 "You shouldn't ask me, Mawruss," he said. "I 
 got an idee. ' ' 
 
 It was a quarter to twelve when Abe left the loft 
 building on Nineteenth Street, and he repaired im- 
 mediately to the real-estate salesroom on Vesey 
 Street, where auction sales of real estate are held at 
 noon daily. To this center of real-estate activity 
 comes every real-estate broker of the East Side, to- 
 gether with his brothers from Harlem and the Bronx, 
 and Abe felt reasonably sure that B. Rashkin would 
 be on hand. 
 
 Indeed, he had hardly entered the salesroom when 
 he descried B. Rashkin standing on the outskirts of 
 a little throng that surrounded the rostrum of a 
 popular auctioneer. 
 
 "Now, gentlemen," said the auctioneer, "what am 
 I offered for this six-story, four-family house. Re- 
 member, gentlemen, it is practicaly new and stands 
 on a lot forty by a hundred. ' ' 
 
 "Forty thousand," said a voice at Abe's elbow. 
 
 "Come, gentlemen," the auctioneer cried, "we 
 ain't making you a present of this house, exactly. 
 Do I hear forty-one? Thank you, sir. At forty- 
 one at forty-one at " 
 
 45 Potash <Sf Perlmutter. 389
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 Abe sidled up to B. Bashkin and in firm tones he 
 made the next hid. 
 
 "Forty-one five," he said. 
 
 "Forty-one five," the auctioneer repeated, and 
 B. Rashkin turned to look at the bidder. He 
 started visibly as he recognized Abe, who bowed 
 coldly. 
 
 "Why, hallo, Mr. Potash," Rashkin exclaimed. 
 "I didn't know you was in the market for property." 
 
 "Why not!" Abe said. 
 
 "Well, on account you got a partner who " 
 
 "You don't got to rub it in, Mr. Rashkin," Abe 
 interrupted. ' ' If my partner did know a good thing 
 when he seen it, Mr. Rashkin, I don't need to be re- 
 minded of it." 
 
 "A good thing!" Rashkin said in puzzled accents. 
 "Why, I ain't " 
 
 He stopped in time and forced himself to smile 
 amiably. 
 
 "Yes, Mr. Rashkin," Abe went on, as he imper- 
 ceptibly edged away from the crowd. "Would you 
 believe it, that feller tells me this morning he's got 
 already a fine offer for the house?" 
 
 "You don't tell me," Rashkin said as they ap- 
 proached one of the salesroom doors. He too was 
 edging away from the crowd and congratulated him- 
 self that Abe had made no further bid. "I'm glad 
 he should get it. For mein part, Mr. Potash, I 
 would be glad to sell my house, too." 
 
 Here he made a rapid mental calculation and ar- 
 
 390
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 rived approximately at the price that would yield 
 Morris a profit. 
 
 "I had myself an offer of forty-six seven-fifty for 
 my house, Mr. Potash," he hazarded. 
 
 Abe was ostentatiously surprised. 
 
 "So!" he said, with an elaborate assumption of 
 recovering his composure. 
 
 ' ' Yes, Mr. Potash, ' ' Rashkin went on. He was be- 
 ginning to feel that the figure was too low. "That's 
 the offer I received and I wouldn't take a cent less 
 than forty-eight." 
 
 "Let me see," Abe mused, as they paused in front 
 of a bakery and lunchroom a few doors down the 
 street. "You got a first mortgage thirty-three 
 thousand dollars, and that would give you a pretty 
 big equity there, Mr. Rashkin." 
 
 "Wouldn't you come inside and take maybe a cup 
 of coffee, Mr. Potash?" Rashkin suggested. 
 
 "I shouldn't mind if I will," Abe said; and they 
 entered the bakery together. "Would you want all 
 cash above the mortgage, Mr. Rashkin?" 
 
 "Just now, Mr. Potash," Rashkin replied, "I want 
 a little something to eat. Give me a piece of stollen 
 and a cup of coffee." 
 
 "Milk separate?" the waitress asked. 
 
 B. Rashkin nodded haughtily and then turned to 
 Abe. 
 
 "What will you have, Mr. Potash?" he asked. 
 
 * * Give me also a cup of coffee and a tongue sand' 
 wich, ' ' he announced to the waitress. 
 
 391
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 4 
 
 11 White or rye bread?" said the waitress. 
 
 "Rye bread," Abe replied. 
 
 "We ain't got no rye bread; I could give you a roll 
 sandwich," she declared solemnly. 
 
 "All right, give me a roll tongue sandwich," Abe 
 concluded, and once more addressed B. Rashkin. 
 
 "Of course you would take back a second mort- 
 gage, Mr. Rashkin," he said. 
 
 "Well, I might take two or three thousand dol- 
 lars, a purchase-money mortgage, but no more," 
 Rashkin replied, as the waitress returned empty- 
 handed. 
 
 "Rolls is all out," she said. "I'll have to give 
 you white bread." 
 
 "All right," Abe replied. 
 
 "Did you say Swiss cheese or store cheese!" she 
 inquired mildly. 
 
 "Tongue!" Abe and B. Rashkin roared with one 
 voice. 
 
 "Well, don't get mad about it," the waitress 
 cried, as she whisked away toward the coffee urns. 
 
 "I'll tell you the truth, Mr. Potash," B. Rashkin 
 continued. "I give that house to a number of real 
 estaters, already, and I'm considering a good offer 
 from a feller what Ferdy Rothschild brings me. The 
 feller makes me a fine offer, Mr. Potash, only he 
 wants me to take back a second mortgage of five 
 thousand dollars ; and I told Ferdy Rothschild if he 
 could get his customer to make it all cash above a 
 second mortgage of three thousand dollars I would 
 
 392
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTER 
 
 consider it. Ferdy says he expects his customer in 
 to see him this afternoon, already, and he will let 
 me know before I go home to-night." 
 
 In this rare instance B. Eashkin was undergoing 
 the novel experience of speaking the truth only 
 slightly modified, for that very morning Ferdy 
 Eothschild had produced a purchaser who was will- 
 ing to pay forty-six thousand dollars for Eashkin 's 
 house. This deal the purchaser proposed to con- 
 summate by taking the property subject to a first 
 mortgage of thirty-three thousand dollars, by ex- 
 ecuting a second mortgage of seven thousand dol- 
 lars, and by paying the six thousand balance of the 
 purchase price in cash. 
 
 B. Eashkin had told Ferdy that if the customer 
 would agree to pay eight thousand five hundred dol- 
 lars in cash and to reduce the second mortgage pro- 
 portionately, the deal would be closed; and Ferdy 
 had promised to let him know during the afternoon. 
 
 "Lookyhere, Eashkin," Abe said at length, 
 "what's the use beating bushes around! You know 
 as well as I ^do that me and my partner don't get 
 along well together, and I would like to teach that 
 sucker a lesson that he shouldn't monkey no more 
 with real estate, y 'understand. I'll tell you right 
 now, Eashkin, I would be willing to lose maybe a 
 couple hundred dollars if I could get that house from 
 you and sell it to the feller what makes the offer to 
 Mawruss Perlmutter." 
 
 "You and Perlmutter must be pretty good friends 
 
 393
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 xr- 
 
 together, " Rashkin commented. "But, anyhow, I 
 am perfectly willing to help you all I can, because 
 ^nen a feller practically calls you a bloodsucker and 
 a horse- thief, Mr. Potash, naturally you don't feel 
 too friendly toward him. But one thing I got to 
 say, Mr. Potash, and that is I couldn't sell my 
 house for a penny less than forty-eight thousand 
 dollars." 
 
 Abe put down his cup of coffee and stared at Rash- 
 kin. 
 
 "That's a lot of money, Mr. Rashkin," Abe said, 
 "and that would mean pretty near twelve thousand 
 cash." 
 
 B. Rashkin nodded calmly and Abe pondered for 
 a moment. 
 
 "Well, Rashkin," Abe said, "I am willing I 
 should spend some money, y 'understand, and so I 
 would make you this offer: Would you give me an 
 option on the house at forty-eight thousand for two 
 weeks, supposing I paid you, we will say, two hun- 
 dred dollars?" 
 
 Rashkin shook his head. 
 
 "We will say then two hundred and fifty dollars," 
 Abe said ; but Rashkin declined. 
 
 Immediately they commenced to bargain vigor- 
 ously, and at intervals of five minutes each modi- 
 fied his price for the option, until half an hour had 
 expired, when they met at four hundred dollars. 
 
 "All right," B. Rashkin cried, "let us go and see 
 Milton M. Sugarmen and draw up the option." 
 
 394
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 "I am agreeable," Abe said; "any lawyer could 
 draw it up, so far as I am concerned." 
 
 They rose from the table without leaving the cus- 
 tomary nickel for the waitress and, as they passed 
 out of the door, she glared after them and indig- 
 nantly adjusted her pompadour with both hands. 
 
 "Pipe them two high-livers," she hissed to the 
 waitress at the next table. * ' I knew them guys was 
 going to pass me up as soon as I laid me eyes on 
 'em." 
 
 She heaved a tremendous sigh. 
 
 "Y'orter heard the roar they put up about a 
 tongue sandwich, ' ' she said. ' ' Am 't it funny, Kitty, 
 how tightwads is always fussy about their feed!" 
 
 When Abe returned to his place of business a 
 couple of hours later, he found Morris adding up 
 figures on the back of an envelope. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris cried, "what's new about 
 the house?" 
 
 "I'll tell you what's new, Mawruss," Abe replied. 
 "Just add four hundred dollars to them figures on 
 that envelope, and you'll find out what that house 
 costs you up to date." 
 
 "WTiat do you mean?" 
 
 "Never mind what I mean, Mawruss," Abe said. 
 "I'll tell you later what I mean. The thing is now, 
 Mawruss, I got to know one thing and I got to know 
 it quick. Where could I find this here lowlife 
 brother-in-law of yours!" 
 
 "Let me see," said Morris. "It's already two 
 
 395
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 o'clock, so I guess, Abe, you would be liable to get 
 him in the back room of Wasserbauer's Cafe. Him 
 and a feller by the name Feinson and that lowlife 
 Rabiner plays there auction pinochle together." 
 
 "But ain't he got no office, MawrussT' Abe asked. 
 
 "Sure, he's got an office," Morris replied. "He's 
 got it desk-room with a couple of real estaters on 
 Liberty Street, Abe. Look him up in the telephone 
 book. He's got a phone put in too, Abe, with my 
 money, I bet yer." 
 
 Abe consulted the telephone book and again put 
 on his hat. 
 
 "Where are you going now, Abe?" Morris asked. 
 
 "I'm going down to Ferdy Rothschild's office," 
 Abe replied. 
 
 "But you wouldn't find him in, Abe," Morris pro- 
 tested. 
 
 *I hope not," Abe replied; and for the second time 
 that day he left his place of business and boarded a 
 downtown L train. 
 
 Ferdy Rothschild's office was tucked away in an 
 obscure corner of a small office building on Liberty 
 Street, and as Abe plodded wearily up three flights 
 of stairs he overtook a short, stout gentleman headed 
 in the same direction. 
 
 "A feller what's got his office on the top floor of a 
 back-number building like this, ' ' said the exhausted 
 traveler, "should keep it airships for his custom- 
 ers." 
 
 "I bet yer," Abe gasped, as they reached the land- 
 
 396
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 ing together, and then in silence they both walked 
 side by side to the office of Ferdy Rothschild. 
 
 Abe opened the door and motioned his companion 
 to enter first, whereat the stranger nodded politely 
 and walked into the office. 
 
 1 'Is Mr. Rothschild in?" he said to the office-boy, 
 who was the sole occupant of the room. 
 
 "Mr. Rothschild, now, telephoned," the boy re- 
 plied, "and he says, now, that if a guy comes in by 
 the name of Marks to tell him he should wait." 
 
 "Did he say he would be right in?" Mr. Marks 
 asked. 
 
 "No," the boy answered, "but he'll be in soon, 
 all right." 
 
 "How do you know that?" Abe asked. 
 
 "Because, now, I heard him tell the other boys 
 that he wouldn't set no longer time limit," the boy 
 replied; "but he says he'd play four more deals and 
 then he'd quit. See?" 
 
 Mr. Marks looked at Abe and broke into a 
 laugh. 
 
 "That's a fine lowlife for you," he said. "That 
 feller tells me I should be here at three o'clock sharp 
 and he fools away my time like this." 
 
 Abe nodded. 
 
 "What could you expect from a feller like that?" 
 Abe commenced, and then broke off suddenly "but 
 excuse me. He may be a friend of yours. ' ' 
 
 "Gott soil huten," Mr. Marks replied piously. 
 "All I got to do with him is that he brings me a 
 
 397
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 proposition I should buy a piece of property which 
 he got it to sell." 
 
 "That's a funny thing," Abe said. "I came here 
 myself about a piece of property what I just bought, 
 and I understand he tried to sell the property for 
 the feller what I bought it from." 
 
 Abe took the option from his breast pocket and 
 opened it on his knee, while Mr. Marks glanced at 
 it furtively, not unnoticed by Abe, who aided his 
 companion's inspection by spreading out the paper 
 until its contents were plainly visible. 
 
 "Why!" Mr. Marks cried. "Why, that is the 
 house what this here Rothschild said he would sell 
 it me." 
 
 Abe looked up sharply. 
 
 "You don't say so?" he said. "How could he 
 sell you that house when I got this here option 
 on it this morning for forty-eight thousand dol- 
 lars?" 
 
 "Forty-eight thousand dollars!" Mr. Marks ex- 
 claimed. "Why, he says I could buy it for forty-six 
 thousand dollars." 
 
 Abe laughed with forced politeness. 
 
 "Well, if you could of got it for forty-six thou- 
 sand you should of took it, ' ' he said. ' ' I want forty- 
 nine thousand for it." 
 
 It was now Mr. Marks' turn to laugh. 
 
 "You couldn't get forty-nine thousand for that 
 house," he said, "if the window-panes was dia- 
 monds already."
 
 POTASH & PEELMUTTEE 
 
 "No?" Abe retorted. "Well, then, I'll keep it, 
 Mister " 
 
 "Marks," suggested Mr. Marks. 
 
 * ' Marks, ' ' Abe went on. "I'll keep it, Mr. Marks, 
 until I can get it, so sure as my name is Abe Potash. ' ' 
 
 "Of Potash & Perlmutter?" Mr. Marks asked. 
 
 "That's my name," Abe said. 
 
 "Why, then, your partner owns yet the house next 
 door!" Mr. Marks cried. 
 
 "That ain't no news to me, Mr. Marks," Abe said. 
 ' * In fact, he built that house, Mr. Marks, and I got so 
 tired hearing about the way that house rents and 
 how much money he is going to get out of it that I 
 bought the place next door myself. ' ' 
 
 "But ain't that a funny thing that one partner 
 should build a house and the other partner shouldn't 
 have nothing to do with it ? " Mr. Marks commented. 
 
 "We was partners in cloaks, Mr. Marks, not in 
 houses," Abe explained. "And I had my chance to 
 go in with him and I was a big fool I didn't took it." 
 
 Mr. Marks rose to his feet. 
 
 "Well, all I can say is," he rejoined, "if I got it 
 a partner and we was to consider a proposition of 
 building, Mr. Potash, we would go it together, not 
 separate. ' ' 
 
 "Yes, Mr. Marks," Abe agreed, "if you had it a 
 partner, Mr. Marks, that would be something else 
 again, but the partner what 7 got it, Mr. Marks, you 
 got no idee what an independent feller that is. I 
 can assure you, Mr. Marks, that feller don't let me 
 
 399
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 know nothing what he is doing outside of our busi- 
 ness. For all I would know, he might of sold his 
 house already." 
 
 ' 'You don't mean to say that his house is on the 
 market, do you?" Marks said sharply. 
 
 "I don't mean to say nothing," Abe replied, as he 
 started to leave. "All I mean to say is that I am 
 tired of waiting for that lowlife Rothschild, and I 
 must get back to my store." 
 
 "Wait a bit; I'll go downstairs with you," Marks 
 broke in. 
 
 As they walked down to the elevated road they ex- 
 changed further confidences, by which it appeared 
 that Mr. Marks was in the furniture business on 
 Third Avenue, and that he lived on Lenox Avenue 
 near One Hundred and Sixteenth Street. 
 
 "Why, you are practically a neighbor of Mawruss 
 Perlmutter, " Abe cried. 
 
 "Is that sol" Mr. Marks said, as they reached the 
 elevated railway. 
 
 "Yes," Abe went on, "he lives on a Hundred and 
 Eighteenth Street and Lenox Avenue." 
 
 "You don't say so?" Mr. Marks replied. "Well, 
 Mr. Potash, I guess I got to leave you here." 
 
 They shook hands, and after Abe had proceeded 
 half-way up the steps to the station platform he 
 paused to observe Mr. Marks penciling an address in 
 his memorandum book. 
 
 When he again entered his show-room Morris had 
 just hung up the telephone receiver. 
 
 400
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 "Yes, Abe," he said, "you've gone and stuck your 
 feet in it all right." 
 
 "What d'ye mean?" Abe asked. 
 
 "Ferdy Rothschild just rung me up," Morris ex- 
 plained, "and he says you went down to his office 
 while he was out, and you seen it there a feller what 
 he was going to sell Rashkin 's house to, and you went 
 and broke up the deal, and that he will sue you yet in 
 the courts." 
 
 "Let him sue us, ' ' Abe said. ' ' All he knows about 
 is what the office-boy tells him. I didn't break up no 
 deal, because there wasn't no deal to bust up, Maw- 
 russ." 
 
 "Why not?" Morris asked. 
 
 "Because if the deal was to sell Rashkin 's house,'* 
 Abe explained, "Rothschild ain't in it at all, because 
 I myself is the only person what could sell that 
 house. ' ' 
 
 He drew the option from his breast pocket and 
 handed it to Morris, who read it over carefully. 
 
 "Well, Abe," Morris commented, "that's only 
 throwing away good money with bad, because you 
 couldn't do nothing with that house in two weeks or 
 in two years, neither." 
 
 "I know it," Abe said confidently, "but so long 
 as I got an option on that house nobody else couldn 't 
 do nothing with it, neither. And so long as Rashkin 
 ain't able to undersell you, Mawruss, you got a 
 chance to get rid of your house and to come out even, 
 Mawruss. My advice to you is, Mawruss, that you 
 
 401
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 should get a hustle on you and sell that house for 
 the best price you could. For so sure as I sit here, 
 after this option expires, and Eashkin is again offer- 
 ing his house at forty-five thousand, you would be 
 positively stuck." 
 
 1 'I bet yer I would be stuck, Abe" Morris agreed. 
 "But I ain't going to let no grass grow on me, 
 Abe. I will put in an ad. in every paper in New 
 York this afternoon, and I'll keep it up till I sell the 
 house." 
 
 "Maybe that wouldn't be necessary, Mawruss," 
 Abe said, with a twinkle in his eye. 
 
 "What d'ye mean?" Morris asked. 
 
 Whereupon, Abe unfolded at great length his ad- 
 ventures of the day, beginning with his meeting B. 
 Rashkin at the Real-Estate Exchange, and conclud- 
 ing with Mr. Marks' penciled memorandum of Mor- 
 ris' address. 
 
 "And now, Mawruss," Abe concluded, "you seen 
 the position what I took it, and when that feller 
 Marks calls at your house to-night you should be 
 careful and not make no cracks. Remember, Maw- 
 russ, you got to tell him that as a partner I am a 
 crank and a regular highbinder. Also, Mawruss, you 
 got to tell him that if I wasn't held by a copartner- 
 ship agreement I would do you for your shirt, y 'un- 
 derstand?" 
 
 Morris nodded. 
 
 "I know you should, Abe," he said. 
 
 "What!" Abe roared. 
 
 402
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEB 
 
 "I mean I know I should," Morris explained; "I 
 know I should tell this here Marks what you say." 
 
 Abe grew calm immediately, but he left further 
 tactics to Morris' discretion; and when Mr. Marks 
 called at the latter 's house that evening Morris 
 showed that he possessed that discretion to a degree 
 hardly equaled by his partner. 
 
 "Yes, Mr. Marks," he said, after he had seated 
 his visitor in the easiest chair in the front parlor 
 and had supplied him with a good cigar, "it is true 
 that I got it a house and that the house is on the 
 market for sale.'" 
 
 He paused and nodded sadly. 
 
 "But I also got it a partner, Mr. Marks, and no 
 doubt you heard already what a cutthroat that feller 
 is. I assure you, Mr. Marks, that feller goes to 
 work and gets an option on the house next door which 
 you know is identical the same like my house is. Yes, 
 Mr. Marks, he gets an option on that house for forty- 
 seven thousand five hundred dollars from the feller 
 what owns it, when he knows I am already negoti 
 ating to sell my house for forty-seven seven-fifty.' 
 
 This willful misstatement of the amount of thfc 
 option produced the desired result. 
 
 "Did you seen it the option!" Marks asked cau- 
 tiously. 
 
 "Well, no, I ain't seen it, but I heard it on good 
 authority, Mr. Marks," he said, and allowed himself 
 two bars' rest, as the musicians say, for the phras* 
 to sink in, 
 
 403
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 "Yes, Mr. Marks, on good authority I heard it 
 that Potash pays five hundred dollars for a two- 
 weeks' option at forty-seven thousand five hundred 
 dollars. ' ' 
 
 "Forty-seven thousand five hundred dollars?" 
 Marks said with a rising inflection. 
 
 "Forty-seven thousand five hundred,'* Morris re- 
 plied blandly, "and I guess he got a pretty cheap 
 house, too.'* 
 
 "Well, I ain't got the same opinion what you got," 
 Marks retorted. "I got an opinion, Mr. Perlmut- 
 ter, that your partner pays a thousand dollars too 
 much for his house." 
 
 "Is that so?" Morris replied, and then and there 
 began a three-hours' session which terminated when 
 they struck a bargain at forty-seven thousand dol- 
 lars. Ten minutes later Marks left with a written 
 memorandum of the terms of sale on his person, 
 while Morris pocketed a similar memorandum and 
 fifty dollars earnest money. 
 
 The next morning an executory contract of sale 
 was signed in Henry D. Feldman's office, and pre- 
 cisely two weeks later Mr. Marks took title to Mor- 
 ris ' property which, after deducting all expenditures, 
 netted its builder a profit of almost two thousand dol- 
 lars. This sum Morris deposited to the credit of the 
 firm account of Potash & Perlmutter, and hardly had 
 the certified check been dispatched to the Kosciusko 
 Bank when the door opened and Eashkin and Ferdy 
 Rothschild burst into the show-room. 
 
 001
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 "Bloodsucker!'* Rashkin cried, shaking his fist 
 under Abe's nose. "What for you didn't take up 
 your option ? " 
 
 Abe stepped back hurriedly and put a sample table 
 between himself and B. Rashkin. 
 
 "Must I take it up the option?" he said calmly. 
 "Couldn't I let you keep it the four hundred dollars 
 if I wanted to?" 
 
 Rashkin looked at Ferdy Rothschild. 
 
 "That's a fine murderer for you. What?" he ex- 
 claimed. 
 
 "Him, I ain't surprised about," Ferdy Rothschild 
 replied, "but when a feller should do his own wife's 
 brother out of a commission of four hundred and 
 sixty-five dollars, Rashkin, what a heart he must have 
 it. Like a piece of steel." 
 
 "Don't talk that way, Ferdy," Morris commented, 
 without emotion. "You make me feel bad. I got 
 lots of consideration for you, Ferdy, after the way 
 you treated me already. Yes, Ferdy, I think a whole 
 lot of you, Ferdy. You could come to me with your 
 tongue hanging out from hunger yet, and I wouldn't 
 lift a little finger." 
 
 Ferdy turned and appealed to B. Rashkin. 
 
 "Ain't them fine words to hear from my own 
 brother-in-law?" he said. 
 
 "Nobody compels you to stay here and listen to 
 'em, Rothschild," Abe interrupted. "And, anyhow, 
 Rothschild, you could make it more money if instead 
 you stayed here you would go downtown to Henry 
 
 6 Potash & Perlmutter. 405
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEK 
 
 D. Feldman's office and sue this here Rashkin in the 
 courts for your commission. I was telling Feldman 
 all about it this morning, and he says you got it a 
 good case." 
 
 "Rothschild," Rashkin cried pleadingly, "where 
 are you going?" 
 
 "You shouldn't talk to me," Rothschild answered. 
 "Potash is right. I brought this here Marks to you 
 and he was ready and willing to purchase at your 
 terms, and so, therefore, you owe me a commission 
 of four hundred and sixty-five dollars." 
 
 The next moment he banged the door behind him 
 and five minutes later he was followed by B. Rashkin, 
 who had filled that short space of time with an ex- 
 haustive and profane denunciation of Potash & Perl- 
 mutter, individually and as copartners. 
 
 Five days afterward Morris examined the list of 
 real-estate conveyances in the morning paper, after 
 the fashion of the reformed race-track gambler who 
 occasionally consults the past performances of the 
 day's entries. 
 
 He handed the paper to Abe and pointed his finger 
 to the following item: 
 
 264th St. 2044 East 37.6x100.10; Baruch Rashkin to the 
 Royal Piccadilly Realty Co. (mtg $33,000), $100. 
 
 "That's only a fake," Abe said. "I seen in the 
 paper yesterday that Rashkin incorporated the Royal 
 Piccadilly Realty Company with his wife, Goldie 
 Rashkin, as president; and I guess he done it be- 
 
 M
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTEE 
 
 cause he got scared that Eothschild would get a judg- 
 ment against him. And so he transfers the house to 
 the corporation." 
 
 "But if he does that, Abe," Morris cried gleefully, 
 "Ferdy Eothschild would never collect on that judg- 
 ment, because that house is all the property Eash- 
 kin's got." 
 
 "I hope you don't feel bad about it, Mawruss," 
 Abe said. 
 
 "I bet yer I feel terrible, Abe," Morris said iron- 
 ically. * ' But why did Eashkin call it the Eoyal Pic- 
 cadilly Eealty Company, Abe?" 
 
 "For the sake of old times yet, "Abe answered. 
 "I hear it from Sol Klinger that before Eashkin 
 busted up in the waist business he used to make up a 
 garment called the Eoyal Piccadilly. ' * 
 
 "Is that so?" Morris commented. "I never heard 
 he busted up in the waist business, Abe. Why 
 couldn't he make a go of it, Abe!" 
 
 "Well, Mawruss, it was the same trouble with him 
 like with some other people, I know," Abe replied 
 significantly. "He was a good manufacturer but a 
 poor salesman ; and you know as well as I do, Maw- 
 russ, any fool could make up an article, Mawruss, 
 but it takes a feller with judgment to sell it." 
 
 4t7
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEE 
 
 CHAPTER 
 
 T~^VlD the sponger send up them doctors yet?" 
 
 J said Morris with a far-away look in his 
 
 bloodshot eyes, as he entered his place 
 
 of business at half past seven one morning in March. 
 
 "Doctors?" Abe repeated. "What are you talk- 
 ing about doctors!" 
 
 Morris snapped his fingers impatiently. 
 
 "Doctors! Hear me talk!" he cried. "I meant 
 kerseys." 
 
 * ' Listen here, Mawruss, ' ' Abe suggested. * ' What 's 
 the use you monkeying with business to-day? Why 
 don't you go home?" 
 
 "Me, I don't take things so particular, Abe," 
 Morris replied. "Time enough when I got to go 
 home, then I will go home." 
 
 "You could do what you please, Mawruss," Abe 
 declared. "We ain't so busy now that you couldn't 
 be spared, y 'understand. With spring weather like 
 we got it now, Mawruss, we could better sell arctic 
 overshoes and raincoats as try to get rid of our line 
 already. I tell you the truth, Mawruss, I ain't seen 
 business so schlecht since way before the Spanish 
 War already." 
 
 "We could always find something to do, Abe," said 
 Morris. "Why don't you tell Miss Cohen to get out 
 them statements which you was talking about?" 
 
 iOS
 
 POTASH & PEKLMUTTER 
 
 "That's a good idee, Mawruss," Abe agreed. 
 "Half the time we don't know where we are at at all. 
 Big concerns get out what they call a balancing sheet 
 every day yet, and we are lucky if we do it oncet a 
 year already. How long do you think it would take 
 her to finish 'em up, Mawruss?" 
 
 The far-away look returned to Morris* eyes as he 
 replied. "I am waiting for a telephone every min- 
 ute, Abe," he said. 
 
 Abe stared indignantly at his partner, then he 
 took a cigar out of his waistcoat pocket and handed 
 it to Morris. 
 
 "Go and sit down and smoke this, Mawruss," he 
 said. "Leon Sammet gives it to me in the subway 
 this morning, and if it's anything like them souve- 
 nirs which he hands it out to his customers, it'll 
 make you forget your troubles, Mawruss. The last 
 time I smoked one, I couldn't remember nothing for 
 a week." 
 
 Morris carefully cut off the end of Abe's gift with 
 a penknife, but when he struck a match the telephone 
 bell rang sharply. Immediately he threw the cigar 
 and the lighted match to the floor and dashed wildly 
 to the firm's office. 
 
 "Do you got to burn the place up yet?" Abe cried, 
 and after he had extinguished the match with his 
 foot, he followed his partner to the office in time to 
 view Morris* coat tails disappearing into the eleva- 
 tor. For two minutes he stood still and shook his 
 head slowly. 
 
 40
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTER 
 
 "Miss Cohen," lie said at length, "get out them 
 statements which I told it you yesterday, and so soon 
 you got the drawing account finished, let me have 
 it. I don't think Mr. Perlmutter will be back to- 
 day, so you would have lots of time to do it in." 
 
 It was almost two o'clock before Miss Cohen 
 handed Abe the statement of the firm's drawing ac- 
 count, and Abe thrust it into his breast pocket. 
 
 "I'm going out for a bite, Miss Cohen," he said. 
 "If anybody wants me, I am over at Hammersmith's 
 and you could send Jake across for me." 
 
 He sighed heavily as he raised his umbrella and 
 plunged out into a heavy March downpour. It had 
 been raining steadily for about a week to the com- 
 plete discouragement of garment buyers, and Ham- 
 mersmith's rear cafe sheltered a proportionately 
 gloomy assemblage of cloak and suit manufacturers. 
 Abe glanced around him when he entered and se- 
 lected a table at which sat Sol Klinger, who was 
 scowling at a portion of Salisbury steak. 
 
 "Hallo, Sol," Abe cried. "What's the trouble. 
 Ain't the oitermobile running again?" 
 
 "Do me the favor, Abe," Sol replied, "and cut 
 out them so called alleged jokes." 
 
 He turned toward a waiter who was dusting off 
 the tablecloth in front of Abe. 
 
 "Max," he said, stabbing at the steak with a fork 
 held at arm's length and leaning back in his chair 
 as though to avoid contagion. "What d'ye call this 
 here mess anyway!" 
 
 410
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 The waiter examined the dish critically and 
 nodded his head. 
 
 " Sally 's-bury steak, Mr. Klinger," he murmured. 
 "Very nice to-day.'* 
 
 "Is that so?" Sol Klinger rejoined. "Well, 
 lookyhere Max, if I would got it a dawg which I 
 wanted to get rid of bad, y 'understand, I would feed 
 him that mess. But me, I ain 't ready to die just yet 
 awhile, y 'understand, even though business is rotten, 
 so you could take that thing back to the cook and 
 bring me a slice of roast beef; and if you think I got 
 all day to sit here, Max, and fool away my time " 
 
 "Right away, Mr. Klinger, right away," Max cried 
 as he hurried off the offending dish, and once more 
 Sol subsided into a melancholy silence. 
 
 ' ' Don 't take it so hard, Sol, ' ' Abe said. ' * We got 
 bad weather like this schon lots of times yet, and 
 none of us busted up. Aint it ? " 
 
 "The weather is nix, Abe," Sol replied. "If it's 
 wet to-day then it's fine to-morrow, and if a concern 
 ain't buying goods now all right. They'll buy 'em 
 later on. Ain't it? But, Abe, the partner which 
 you got it to-day, Abe, that's the same partner which 
 you got it to-morrow, and that sucker Klein, Abe, 
 he eats me up with expenses. What that feller does 
 with his money, Abe, I don't know." 
 
 "Maybe he buys oitermobiles, Sol," Abe sug- 
 gested. 
 
 "Supposing I did buy last spring an oitermobile, 
 Abe," Sol retorted. "That is the least. I bet yer 
 
 411
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 that feller Klein spends enough on taxicab rides for 
 customers, and also one or two of 'em which she ain't 
 customers, as he could buy a dozen oitermobiles al- 
 ready. No, Abe, that ain't the point. The first year 
 Klein and me goes as partners together, he over- 
 draws me two hundred and fifty dollars. Schon gut. 
 If the feller is a little extravagent, y 'understand, he's 
 got to make it up next year." 
 
 Sol paused to investigate the roast beef which Max 
 had brought, and being apparently satisfied, he pro- 
 ceeded with his narrative. 
 
 "Next year, Abe," he continued, "Klein not only 
 ain't made up the two hundred and fifty, Abe, but 
 he gets into me three hundred dollars more. Well, 
 business is good, y 'understand, and so I don't kick 
 and that's where I am a great big fool, Abe, because 
 every year since then, Abe, that sucker goes on and 
 on, until to-day our balance sheet shows I got five 
 thousand more invested in the business as Klein got 
 it. And if I would tell him we are no longer equal 
 partners, Abe, he would go right down to Henry D. 
 Feldman, and to-morrow morning there would be a 
 receiver in the store." 
 
 Sol plunged his fork into the slice of roast beef 
 as though it were Klein himself, and he hacked at it 
 so viciously that the gravy flew in every direction. 
 
 "Max," he roared, clapping his handkerchief to 
 his face, "what the devil you are bringing me here 
 soup?" 
 
 It was at least five minutes before Sol had ex- 
 
 412
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 hausted his stock ot profanity, and when at length 
 the tablecloth was changed and Abe had ministered 
 to the front of his coat with a napkin dipped in water, 
 Sol ceased to upbraid the waiter and resumed his 
 tirade against his partner. 
 
 "Yes, Abe," he said, "you are in luck. You got 
 a partner, y 'understand, which he is a decent re- 
 spectable feller. I bet yer Mawruss would no more 
 dream of overdrawing you, than he would fly in the 
 air. ' ' 
 
 "Wait till they gets to be popular, Sol," Abe re- 
 plied. "You could take it from me, Sol, Mawruss 
 would be the first one to buy one of them airyplanes, 
 just the same like he bought that oitermobile yet." 
 
 "That's all right," Sol said. "Mawruss is a 
 good live partner. He sees people round him good, 
 decent, respectable people, mind you is buying 
 oitermobiles, Abe, and so he thinks he could buy one, 
 too. There ain 't no harm in that, Abe, so long as he 
 keeps inside his drawing account, but so soon as one 
 partner starts to take more as the other money out 
 of the business, Abe, then there is right away trouble. 
 But certainly, Abe, Mawruss wouldn't do nothing like 
 that." 
 
 "Sure not," Abe replied, "because in the first 
 place, Sol, he knows I wouldn't stand for it, and in 
 the second place, Mawruss ain't out to do me, y 'un- 
 derstand. I will say for Mawruss this, Sol. Of 
 course a partner is a partner, Sol, and the best of 
 partners behaves like cutthroats at times, but Maw- 
 
 413
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 russ was always white with me, Sol, and certainly I 
 think a whole lot of that feller. Just to show yon, 
 Sol, I got Miss Cohen to fix it up for ns a statement 
 of our drawing account which I got it right here in 
 my breast pocket, and I ain't even looked at it at 
 all, so sure I am that everything is all 0. K." 
 
 "I bet yer you overdrew him yet/' Sol observed. 
 
 "Me, I ain't such a big spender, Sol," Abe replied 
 as he unfolded the statement. "I don't even got to 
 look at the statement, because I know we drew just 
 the same amount. Yes, here it is Sol. Me, I drew 
 six thousand two hundred dollars, and Mawruss 
 
 drew six thousand two hundred and . Well, 
 
 what do you think for a sucker like that?" 
 
 "Why, what's the matter, Abe?" Sol cried. 
 
 Abe's face had grown white and his eyes glittered 
 with anger. 
 
 "That's a loafer for you!" he went on. "That 
 feller actually pocketed fifty-two dollars of my 
 money." 
 
 "Fifty-two dollars?" Sol repeated. "What are 
 you making such a fuss about fifty-two dollars for?" 
 
 "With you I suppose fifty-two dollars is nothing, 
 Sol?" Abe retorted. "I suppose you could pick up 
 fifty-two dollars in the streets, Sol. What? Wait 
 till I see that robber to-morrow. I'll fix him. Ac- 
 tually, I thought that feller was above such things, 
 Sol." 
 
 "Don't excite yourself, Abe," Sol began. 
 
 "I ain't excited, Sol," Abe replied. "I ain't a 
 
 414
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 bit excited. All I would do is I will go back to the 
 store and draw a check for fifty-two dollars. I 
 wouldn't let that beat get ahead of me not for one 
 cent, Sol. If I would sit down with my eyes closed 
 for five minutes, Sol, that loafer would do me for 
 my shirt. I must be on the job all the time, Sol, 
 otherwise that feller would have me on the streets 
 yet." 
 
 For a quarter of an hour longer Abe reviled Mor- 
 ris, until Sol was moved to protest. 
 
 "If I thought that way about my partner, Abe," 
 he said, "I'd go right down and see Feldman and 
 have a dissolution yet." 
 
 "That's what I will do, Sol," Abe declared. 
 "Why should I tie myself up any longer with a cut- 
 throat like that ? I tell you what we '11 do, Sol. We '11 
 go over to the store and see what else Miss Cohen 
 found it out. I bet you he rings in a whole lot of 
 items on me with the petty cash while I was away 
 on the road." 
 
 Together they left Hammersmith's and repaired 
 at once to Potash & Perlmutter's place of business. 
 As they entered the showroom Miss Cohen 
 emerged from her office with a sheet of paper in her 
 hand. 
 
 "Mr. Potash," she said, "when you were in 
 Chicago last fall you drew on the firm for a hun- 
 dred dollars, and by mistake I credited it to you 
 on your expense account. It ought to have been 
 charged on your drawing account. So that makes- 
 
 415
 
 POTASH & PEKLMUTTER 
 
 your total drawing account sixty-three hundred dol- 
 lars. " 
 
 Abe stopped short and looked at Sol. 
 
 "What was that you said, Miss Cohen?" he asked. 
 
 "I said that I made a mistake in that statement, 
 and you're overdrawn on Mr. Perlmutter forty- 
 eight dollars," Miss Cohen concluded. 
 
 "Then hurry up quick, Miss Cohen," Abe cried, 
 "and draw a check in my personal check book on 
 the Kosciusko Bank to Potash & Perlmutter for 
 forty-eight dollars and see that it's deposited the 
 first thing to-morrow morning." 
 
 He handed Sol a cigar. 
 
 "Yes, Sol," he said, "if Mawruss would find it 
 out that I am overdrawn on him forty-eight dollars, 
 he would abuse me like a pickpocket. That feller 
 never gives me credit for being square at all, Sol. I 
 would be afraid for my life if he would get on to 
 that forty-eight dollars. Why, the very first thing 
 you know, Sol, he would be going around telling 
 everybody I was a crook and a cutthroat. That's 
 the kind of feller Mawruss is, Sol. I could treat him 
 always like a gentleman, Sol, and if the smallest little 
 thing happens to us, 'sucker' is the least what he calls 
 me." 
 
 At this juncture the green baize doors leading into 
 the hall burst open and Morris himself leaped into 
 the show-room. His necktie was perched rakishly un- 
 derneath his right ear, and his collar was of the 
 moisture and consistency of a used wash rag. His 
 
 416
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 clothes were dripping, for he carried no umbrella, 
 and his hair hung in damp strands over his fore- 
 head. Nevertheless he was grinning broadly, as 
 without a word he ran up to Abe and seized his hand. 
 For two minutes Morris shook it up and down and 
 then he collapsed into the nearest chair. 
 
 ' ' "W ell, Mawruss, ' ' Abe cried, * * what 's the matter ? 
 Couldn't you say nothing? What did you come 
 downtown again for? You should have stayed up- 
 town with Minnie." 
 
 "S'all right, Abe," Morris gasped. "S'all over, 
 too. The doctor says instead I should be making a 
 nuisance of myself uptown, I would be better off in 
 the store here. He was there before I could get 
 home. ' ' 
 
 ' * Who was there ? ' ' Abe asked. ' The doctor ? ' ' 
 
 "Not the doctor," Morris went on. "The boy was 
 there. Minnie is doing fine. The doctor said every- 
 thing would be all right." 
 
 "That's good. That's good," Abe murmured. 
 
 "Y'oughter seen him, Abe. He weighed ten 
 pounds," Morris continued. "I bet yer he could 
 holler, too, like an auctioneer already. Minnie says 
 also I shouldn't forget to tell you what we agreed 
 upon." 
 
 "What we agreed upon?" Abe repeated. "Why 
 we ain't agreed upon nothing, so far what I hear, 
 Mawruss. What d'ye mean what we agreed 
 upon?" 
 
 "Not you and me, Abe," Morris cried. "Her and 
 
 417
 
 POTASH & PEBLMUTTEB 
 
 me. We agreed that if it was a boy we'd call him 
 Abraham P. Perlmutter already.'* 
 
 He slapped Abe on the back and laughed uproari- 
 ously, while Abe looked guilty and blushed a deep 
 crimson. 
 
 "Abraham Potash Perlmutter," Morris reiterated. 
 " That's one fine name, Sol." 
 
 It was now Sol's turn to take Morris' hand and 
 he squeezed it hard. 
 
 "I congradulate you for the boy and for the name 
 both," he said. 
 
 Once more Abe seized his partner's hand and shook 
 it rhythmically up and down as though it were a 
 patent exerciser. 
 
 "Mawruss," he said, "this is certainly something 
 which I didn't expect at all, and all I could say is 
 that I got to tell you you would never be sorry for 
 it. Just a few minutes since in Hammersmith's I 
 was telling Sol I got a partner which it is a credit 
 and an honor for a feller to know he could always 
 trust such a partner to do what is right and square 
 
 and also, Mawruss, I Miss Cohen, ' ' he broke off 
 
 suddenly, "you should draw right away another 
 check in my personal book for a hundred dollars." 
 
 "To whose order?" Miss Cohen asked. 
 
 Abe cleared his throat and blinked away a slight 
 moisture before replying. 
 
 "Make it to the order of Abraham P. Perlmut- 
 ter," he said, "and we will deposit it in a savings 
 bank, Mawruss, and when he comes twenty-one years 
 
 418
 
 POTASH & PERLMUTTER 
 
 old, Mawruss, we will draw it out with anything else 
 what you put in there for him, Mawruss, and we will 
 deposit it in our own bank to the credit of Potash, 
 Perlmutter & Son." 
 
 Sol Klinger's face spread into an amiable grin. 
 
 "You could put me down ten dollars on that sav- 
 ings bank account, too, boys," he said as he reached 
 for his hat. "I've got to be going now." 
 
 "Don't forget you should tell Klein it's a boy," 
 Morris called to him. 
 
 "I wouldn't forget," Sol replied. "Klein'll be 
 glad to hear it. You know, Mawruss, Klein ain't 
 such a grouch as most people think he is. In fact, 
 taking him all around, Klein is a pretty decent fel- 
 ler." 
 
 As he turned to leave, his eye met Abe's, and both 
 of them smiled guiltily. 
 
 "After all, Abe," Sol concluded, "it ain't what 
 partners says about each other, Abe, but how they 
 acts which counts. Ain't it!" 
 
 Abe nodded emphatically. 
 
 "An old saying but a true one," Morris declared. 
 "Actions talk louder as words." 
 
 THE END. 
 
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