i : %*sfess^^ ,^mm HR^^^P^^^ ' $f^W^ : V' - ^<&1 ,^*,,-" Vi N ^^^JN *&?& " ' . ** ' l : T l , --?^- -rsti . **- X-v ^ l -^'^'' v " ^-V-:. ! ?;-,. ^aS^?S.^ IK jdg&H r ; .: f #fe*r^& ^ Rjt? F,' j&| r i -' J^w^pyrr^^ 'J^wf- :. ' . --jSs. ^ .c .. r-#r :"-v. * ** J t: : .'. ,- -'t?4r|^:'- ,v /' / ,>'3^^% ''fltllE^ v; - ' ; ' '"-ws^^-" '^^^^^^fy^' .,' fe*'-',^^ ,'.:" *2^Vf > *': v ^^^'* ; ''^^ f - >i ^V 1 li^aR^^A'SKfvK , , *c^l f/v'v^;^lL^'r-iS^,^> : "' y PARIS IN MINIATURE* TAKEN FROM The FRENCH PICTURE at full Length, ENTITULED TABLEAU DE PARIS, INTERSPERSED WITH REMARKS and ANECDOTES. TOGETHER \Vith a PREFACE and a PQSTFACF. Bv the ENGLISH LIMNER. DCS Crotes dans routes !cs Rues, Des Catins, des Femmcs perdues. Maint Poudre qui n'a point d'Argent, Maint Faraat qui craint le Sergent, Maint Fanfaron qui toujours tremble : Voila Paris ! Que vous en femble ? SCARRON. LONDON: Printed for G. KEARSLY, No. 46, FLEET-STREET. MDCCLXXXII. [PRICE THREE SHILLINGS SEWED.] TABLE of CONTENTS. Page General Character of the Parifians - I Gaiety 5 Population - - 6 Neighbourhood - 8 Chimnies - 9 Fear well grounded 10 Political Character of a true Parifian - ibid Corrupted Atmofphere 12 Furnifhed Apartments i Hackney Coaches - 16 Pont Neuf, or New Bridge - 18 Spies 20 Police Runners - 27 Lieutenant de Police 30 Hawkers - 34 L'Eftraint on the Prefs 36 The Baftile 38 Houfe of Correction 43 Lock-up Houfes - 45 Prifons 46 Sentence of Death - 49 Executioner - 50 Retailers of News - 53 Abbes 59 Coffee Houfes - 62 Ordinaries - - 65 Filles de Joye 67 Gallantry - - 71 Page Women - - 72 Marriageable Girls - 75 Repugnance for Marri- age - 78 Young Miffes - So Sundays and Holidays > 81 Carnival 83 Beggars 86 Hotel Dieu - - 88 Clamart - 91 Foundling Hofpital - 93 Charitable Donations 96 Large Fortunes 98 Mont de Piete 105 Borough de St. Marcel 107 Cuftotn Houfe and Excile Officers 109 Phyficians - 112 A Walk - 116 The Sorbonne - - 126 Colleges - 129 Theatres - - 136 PetitesLoges - - 138 Actors - - 140 Opera Houfe - 143 Opera Girls - - 147 The Hours of Day - 149 Capitation,or Poll-Tax 158 Conclufion - if'r Poftface - 163 PREFACE, SCARRON was the firft who gave a juft and full defcription of the proud metropolis of the French empire. It was, like this preface, the better for being fhort. The partiality which I have always enter- tained for laconifm, has induced me to bring the full length picture of Paris down to a miniature : and as I do not fee that a copy mould be exact to the original even to a fault, I have taken fome liberties with my author, which I am vain enough to think will be approved of by thofe who may take the trouble of comparing. Thofe who can- not, or will not do it, need only be told, that without deviating from matters of fact, J have introduced here and there a few tints which were wanting in the Picture to give it a perfect fmim. The French painter had huddled up his fubjects together, or placed them in a wrong light I have endeavoured to introduce a better order, and remove that confufion. In fhort, like a true artift, I have improved upon my model. This is not yery modeft you'll fay I own it ; but if you PREFACE. you find it true, what matters it ? and if you do not, I know the confequcnce, and may receive my next ounce of fnuff wrapped up in a difmembered page of my own work. I ihall not be the firft and the countlefs number of writers in the fame predicament, will be my comfort. Therefore, good reader, believe me, as you cannot hurt my feelings as an author, do not fuffcr your temper to be ruffled ; pe- rufe the work, laugh at Parifian folly, meannefs and ignorance and then to the POSTFACE, " With what appetite you may." PARIS PARIS IN MINIATURE. CHARACTER OF THE PARISIANS. THERE is not a fet of people more incon- fiftant and carelefs than the generality of the Parifians. The very fame event which made them almoft frantic in the morning, is turned by them before night into ridicule and laughed at,' becauie a Parifian muft be merry, no matter for what. For near a century, they have fallen into a kind of apathy and indifference on their politi- cal interefts. This indolence is the very bane of the mind ; weakens the underfhnding, and in a manner enervates the foul. The Regent, by his pecuniary fchemes fixty years ago, overturned the fortunes, and by this means perverted the morals of the inhabitants; his reign may be looked upon as the period B at c PARIS IN MINIATURE. at which the Paiifian for ever renounced his do- metlic 1 virtues. The citizens are tradefmen ; but never were merchants : great and extenfive fpeculations be- ing above the narrow compafs of their com- mercial ideas, or perhaps incompatible with their indolence, and the tyranny of their euftom- houfe officers. As foon as a ftranger fets his foot in the flreets of Paris, he may eafily perceive that lit- tle account is made of the common people ; not the lead convenience for them, not fo much as a foet-way ; they feem to be a body totally di- ftint from the other order of citizens. The great and wealthy who ride in their carriages, enjoy the inhuman right of running over and maiming them in the ftreets : an hundred of thofe unfortunate are yearly crufhed under the wheels. The indifference with which thofe ac- cidents are heard or talked of, fliews the re- ceived opinion to be, that all muft be fubfervient to the luxury of the great. Louis XV. in- formed of the daily misfortunes occafioned by the carelefTnefs, or perhaps the malice of the drivers, cfpecially of the phaetonie petifs maitres, ufed to fay, "If I were Lieutenant of the police, not a fingle horfc-chaifc would be feen in Paris." The monarch, we fuppofe > looked upon fo tri fling PARIS JN MINIATURE. 3 trifling an attention to the fafety of his fubje&s as totally beneath his dignity, If a peaceable inhabitant of the Alps were told that there is a city in Europe where the ini- habitants run their horfes full fpeed againft their fellow-citizens ; that the former, by paying a fmall fine, purchafe the right of doing the fame the next day, he could not believe the report j his mind would fhudder at the thoughts of fo barbarous a deed. The common people are weak in their limbs, of a fhort ftature, and pale countenance. Their appearance marks out very pointedly the differ- ence between the republican and the groveling fubject of a monarchy. The latter has fear and dejection in his looks, the former walks with head erect, and freedom gives life to his every motion : he is the man truly confcious of hi? real dignity. Whatever may be faid of the modern refine- ment of manners, I maintain that the mettle, even the infolence of the common people, is the fureft pledge of their candour and probity ; whenever they fhake off that primitive rufticity they grow ferious, debauched, poor, and fall of courfe into general contempt The populace is here as abject as meannefs can make them, and not lefs ignocant than def- picable. They firmly believe that the Englifh B 2 feed 4 PARIS IN MINIATURE. feed upon raw flem -, that they go in large com* panics to plunge head long into the Thames; and that it is impoffible for a foreigner to walk the ftrcets of London without being knocked on the head. Nay, this ignorance is not confined to the lower clafs, perfons of the firll rank entertain nearly the fame opinion. The elegant fre- quenters of the Thuilleries and Luxembourg, are profeffcd Anti-anglicansi they talk of nothing but making a defcent jn England, taking Lon- don, burning the city, dining at St. James's, and eating their fupper in Dublin. Notwithftanding all this fine boafling, we neither dare to write or fpeak, yet we are im- paflioned to a degree of enthufiafm for the free- dom and independance of the Americans, whom nature has placed 1200 miles from us. In the midft of our national exultation about the ci- vil war between the Englifti colonies and the mother country, we never caft a glance on our own concerns. The cacoethes of fpeaking is one amongft the mod natural foibles of the Pa- rifians; and from the firft to the laft, they are to a man flaves to the moft ihameful and la~ mentable prejudices. How different are the Parifians from what they were once ! they could bo.aft at one time o.f PARIS IN MINIATURE. 5 of fpirit and fortitude, now they dare hardly fay thac their fouls are their own. GAIETY, We have retained the name, the meaning we have forgot. We have loft that opennefs and affability which commanded the attention of foreigners ; hcavinefs and anxiety have dif- pelled that lively freedom which befpoke that fimplicity of manners and fincerity, the token of a free and generous mind. Society holds up her head no more ; gravity and cenforial beha- viour tell every ftranger that moft of the inha- bitants are thinking of their enormous debts, and of the beft way to extricate themfelves. Theexceffive expences which luxury requires, have beggared all ranks of people, and they ex- hauft all manner of refources for the ruinous purpofe of fupporting a mere fhew. One may read in each countenance the anxiety and fchemes of every individual. Out of twenty people aP fembled together j eighteen think on the means of getting money, and fifteen will go without. Gaiety is the offspring of moderation ; we know it not ; we fain would brighten up our countenance, but real uneafinefs betrays the in- ward diftrefs of the mind. If we know of any enjoyments, they confift in fecret and folitary parties, 6 PARIS IN MINIATURE. parties, where libertinifm reigns uncontrolled, Thoufands are amufcd, not one happy. POPULATION. Mr. de Buffbn is of opinion, that each mar- riage gives birth to four children ; every year four or five thoufand marriages are confumr mated, and the number of chriftenings is from eighteen to twenty thoufand. From the fame obfervation it appears, that in Paris more girls than boys are born every year, and that a greater number of men than women pay the lad debt to nature in the fame fpace of time, within the bills of mortality of this capital, which is generally called the Heaven of Women ^ the Pur^ gatory of Men, and the Hell of Horfes. On fome particular days of fhew or rejoicing, above a hundred thoufand perfons, two-thirds of them in carriages or on horfeback, march out of town., and within fix hours after return in the fame crowd to their refpective homes : that is, when no accidents interfere ; thefe have been but too common, and a fingle walk out of the gates of Paris has brought heavy diftrefs on many families. The difafter which happened in the Place of Louis Xy. where one thoufand eight hundred people loft their lives, to pay for the fmoak of PARIS IN MINIATURE. ? of a folemn firework, has at laft awakened the attention of government, and public rejoicings are now conducted with fo much good order that little or no mifchief has happened fmce that dreadful epocha. From this inconceivable affluence of people, which would aftonifti the eye of every foreigner, it will be no difficult matter to imagine, that the King's Exchequer is yearly benefited, from this city alone^ of a hundred and twenty millions of livres, including all duties for imports and exports, tenths, poll-tax, and a nurnberlefs train of imports ; which, if ar- ranged alphabetically, would make a good fo- lio dictionary.* Yet Paris is but a fpot in the topography of the French dominions. It is not without caufe, therefore, that the monarch coaxingly calls it our good city of Paris ; it is in- deed an excellent milch cow, under the hands of defpotifm \ The court pays particular attention, not ta the opinions, but to thefmzll talk of the Parifians. In England, by the dtfpifotg, but more defpicable courtier, the inhabitants of the city are called the fcum of the earth ; th Parifians are nick- named the frogs -what fay the Grenouilles ? re the common queftion from a grandee to another. Yet when thefe very Grenouilles, on the ap- pearaiKe of their NonisndalQrSj clap their fins together, 8 PARIS IN MINIATURE; together, their revilers are pleafed ; notwith- ftanding their boafted contempt, the reception they meet with in the capital, is the criterion of their pnpulariry. Left the Parifians mould always confult their own feelings, the police takes care to hire a fet O ' A of men to clap and huzza on fuch occafions, as fail as they would forfwear themfelves for the fame price. Neverthelefs, the tokens of pub- lic fadsfaction bear an originality that no pur- chafed applaufe can imitate. NEIGHBOURHOOD. This, like Parifian gaiety* is a word, and no more ; a man is as much a ftranger to his neigh- bour as if they lived all the feas afunder. Two men of genius may live Twenty-five years in the city without knowing each other ; nay, the neareft relations, when they are at variance, though living in the fame ftreet, may be a thou- fand miles diilant. The following ftory will ferve as a proof of that neighbourly diftance. Mr. D'EJlandes, au- thor of the Hiftoire critique de la Philojophie, had paHcd a fevere cenfure on the works of the ce- lebrated Don Jacques Martin, a benedicline friar; the latter, who like all felf-opiniated writers, could not bear the keen (hafts of fatire, was PARIS IN MINIATURE. 9 was very fevere with his critic. As Mr. D'Ef- landes was very eafy and good natured, a lady took it into her head to bring them together ; D'Eflandes, under the name of Olivier, dined fe- veral times with Don Martin, continually bring- ing his own name in queftion, when the friar would exclaim, Tou t Sir, are a man full of wit and learning ; you fpeak and reajbn with real pro- fundity^ but that D'EJlandes is the meereft fool, and the mojl compkat puppy I ever heard of. This fcene, which muft have proved highly enter- taining for the company, is every hour re- peated in Paris. C H I M N I E S. The common fuel in Paris is wood, aqd the confummation of that article is fuch, that the greatefl apprehenfions are entertained of a fatal want of fo efTential a commodity. This wood, brought by water and piled up in parcels as high as a houfe, is confumed in the fpace of three months ; and this is another blefled effect of our unbounded luxury ; for- merly fervants were content with the common hall to fit in in winter, now my lady's maid has her fire place, fo has the tutor, and fo the favorite valet, fteward, &c. &c. C FEAR io PARIS IN MINIATURE, FEAR WELL GROUNDED. When one refle&s, that in Paris near a million of inhabitants are crowded on the fame fpot, and that tils fpot is not a fea-port, one may iuitly be alarmed about the future fubfif- tence of fo many beings , and our fears will (till increafe, if we confider, that what is here called commerce, and which is at befl a continual brokerage an'd local induftry, is ftraitened, circnmfcribed, and crampt on all fides ; then, indeed, the exigence of that proud city appears very precarious, for feveral caufes may occafiorr a famine, exclufive of the political fcourges which may afflict its inhabitants. Certain it is that the Parifians muft depend for their food upon the mealman, and the lat- ter is entirely at the mercy of him who is the owner of the ftreams that flow from the Seine and the Marne. POLITICAL CHARACTER OF A TRUE PARISIAN. I have already obfcrved, that the Parifians- in general are totally indifferent as to their po- litical interefl; nor is this to be wondered at in a place where a man is hardly allowed to think for himfelf. A coercive filence impofed upon every PARIS IN MINIATURE, n every Frenchman from the hour of his birth, on whatever regards the affairs of government, grows with him into an habit, which the fear of the Baftik and his natural indolence daily ftrengthens, till the man is totally loft in the fiave. Kingly prerogative knows no bounds, becaufe no one ever dared to controul the mo- narch's defpotic commands. It is true, that ac- cording to the proverb, the galled horfe hath winced. The Parifians have at times attempted to withstand tyranny ; but popular commotions amongft them had more the air of a boyifh mu- tiny at fchool ; a rod with the latter, the butt end of a firelock with the former, quiets all, be- caufe neither ad: with that fpirit and refoliuion of men who afiert their natural rip-hts. O What would cofl the minifter his life in thofe happy coun-trieG, where felf-denial and paffive obedience are unknown, is done off in Paris by a witty epigram, a fmart fong, &c. the authors of which, however, take the greateft care to re- main concealed, having continually the fear of minifterial runners before their eyes; as a bon wot has often occafioned the captivity of its au- " thor. Of this there are many inftances, but none more recent in my memory than what hap- pened during the laft war, to an officer of the Irilh brigade. He was {landing by a bonfire, which the credulity of the Parifians had kindled C 2 up 12 PARIS IN MINIATURE. up to celebrate a pretended victory or negative defeaty as they thought themfelves conquerors when not compleatly beat; the unlucky wit could not help exclaiming, " Well done, my boys, keep it up, and fliew the world that you are like the flint {lone, giving mod fire when moft ilruck upon." This poor allufion procured a fafe retreat to my gentleman, who for feveral months did not fee the outfide of the royal cage. To conclude the portrait of the Parifians, ic may be obferved, in juftice to their moral cha- racter, that they are in general of an eafy and affable temper, civil among themfelves, but ef- pecially to foreigners ; though amongft their national defects, we may number an exceflive love of themfelves ; thinking, that as there is but one faith and one God, there is but one Paris and one France, out of which there is no, falvation. CORRUPTED ATMOSPHERE. Whenever the air that we breath does not contribute to our health, it kills : yet the pre- fervation of that great and only terreftrial good feems to be the lead of man's care. A number of narrow confined ftreets, houfes fo high built as to impede the free circulation of the air, fhambles, fifh-markets, common-lhores, church- yards, PARIS IN MINIATURE. 13 yards, all contribute to impregnate the atmof- phere with corrupt and unfalubrious exhalations. The houfes being fo many ftories high are fo obvious a nuifance, that the inhabitant of the ground floor remains almoft in the dark when the fun has reached its meridian height. In vain the inhabitant ftrives, by quitting the town on Sundays and holidays, to feek a purer clime; he mufb travel a great way from Paris before he can find the wiflied-for fpot -, within fome miles round the capital he breathes the infectious vapours of accumulated dung of all forts ; and the artificer, who toils the whole week for a few hours pleafure at the end of it, for what the Englifh call a mouthful of frefh air, finds him- ielf out of the city, indeed, but not of its pef- tilential influenza. Moft churches are infected with cadaverous exhalations, and juftify in a manner the re- pugnance of fome individuals to frequent thofe places of worfhip. Yet every thing concurred to inforee the removal of fuch nuifances ; yet even authority itfelf could not effect it. But fuppofing fuch a notion to be erroneous, and that no dead corpfe is permitted to remain within the church-walls, yet thofe corpfes are not re- moved out of the capital ; and when we refledt that in the church-yard called DCS Innocents, bodies are daily buried without fo much as waiting i 4 PARIS IN MINIATURE. waiting till former ones are confumed, and that fb pernicious a practice has been carried on for above ten centuries, our imagination is hurt at the thought, and we fhudder at the inevitable confequence of the mephetic vapours that muft of courfe infect the ambient air. If any one afks how it is pofllble for men, otherwife fenfible, to live in the midft of all manner of difeafes ? My anivver will be, that long habit can make any fituation, if not com- fortable, at lead indifferent to the inhabitants of large towns in general, who do not envy the happinefs and ftrong conftitution which the country people derive from an unclouded fky ; the former take little or no notice of the grand luminary, they fee it without emotion, without gratitude, and look upon it as no better than the footman who carries the link before them. Nay, it is a falhionable refinement to mut the fun entirely out, and live by candle-light ; people of wealth and rank difdain any other, and feem perfectly out of humour with the funfhine. It is beneath their dignity to be warmed by the latter, and they leave fo vulgar an enjoy- ment to the plebeian race ; in fhort they form, if I may venture the exprefiion, an affembly of dead bodies, fliut up in fplendid tombs, fur- rounded with funeral tapers. FUR, PARIS IN MINIATURE. 15 FURNISHED APARTMENTS. Thefe are the moft conrpicuous trophies which the filthy inhabitants of the metropolis have erected to the goddefs of iloth. Cloacina would miftake them for her temples. How Shocking it is for a ftranger to enter thofe rooms ! A bed fit to adorn a pig-ftye, cafements opened to all winds, and a ftair-cale in perfect unifor- mity with the filthinefs of the aparcment. What a difgufting contrail to the eyes of an Engliih or a Dutch traveller^ who delight in the moft fcru- pulous cleanlinefs. Ready furnimed lodgings, however, have this advantage, that no creditor can difturb the peace of thofe manfions. A man who is not in buli- nefsj and has put out no negotiable bills, is there perfectly fafe from the rapacious bird of prey, called bailif. He may go out and walk abroad without fearing any attempt upon his perfon, like Bias, carrying about him all his valuables. The renters of thofe apartments are not liable to the poll-tax, but as the landlord pays it, he takes care to bring his lodger to bear part of the charges. Every perfon keeping a lodging houfe, enters the names of the lodgers in a book, and the police knows very well what to do with it. If 16 PARIS IN MINIATURE. If the occupier of a ready furni(hed apartment is free from all manner of vexation in regard to his creditors, he is on account of his very fitua- tion more open to the perfecutions of the ftate- inquifitors ; who, when they mean to have him taken up, give out that he is a thief, and as he is not known to his next door neighbour, and apparently poflfefled of no property, the word of the police-runner is taken, and not a fyllable more is faid about the matter. There are laws in being which forbid the harbouring of any proftitutes, yet thofe unfor- tunate wretches, who infeft the flreets leading to the places of public entertainment, live in ready furnilhed lodgings, but in houfes where no- body elfe would choofe to be feen, fuch as bar- bers and wine retailers, who levy the moft im- confcionable contributions upon thofe miferable objects, make them pay before-hand, and often inform againft them. HACKNEY-COACHES. Next to the naftinefs of furnifhed apartments, nothing can more offend the eye cf a flranger than the fhabby appearance of thefe vehicles, cfpecially if he has ever feen the hackney, coaches of London and Bruflels. Yet the ap- pearance of the drivers is Hill more Shocking than PARIS IN MINIATURE. 17 than the carriages, or the fkinny hacks that drag thofe frightful machines. Some have but half a coat on, others none at all ; they are uniform in one point only, that is, extreme vvretched- nefs and infolence. One may obferve the following gradation in the conduct of thofe brutes in human lhape Before breakfaft they are pretty tractable, they grow reftif towards noon, but in the evening they are not to be borne. The commifiaries or juftices of peace are the only umpires between the driver and the drives-, and right or wrong their award is in favour of the former, who ge- nerally are taken from the honourable body of police greyhounds, and are of courfe allied to the formidable phalanx of juftices of peace. How- ever, if you would roll on at a realbnable pace> be fure you take a hackney-coachman half feas over. Nothing more common than to fee the braces giving way, or the wheels flying off in a tangent ; you come off with a broken fliin or a bloody nofe ; but then, for your comfort, you have no- thing to pay for the fare. Some years ago a report prevailed that fome alterations were to take place in the regulation of hackney-coaches j the Parifian phaetons took the alarm, and drove to Choify, where the king was at that time. The leaft appearance of a D com- i* PARIS IN MINIATURE. commotion ftrikes terror to the heart of a de-i- pot. The appearance of 1800 empty coaches frightened the monarch ; but his apprehenGons were foon removed by the vigilance of his guard and courtiers j four reprefentatives of the phae- tonic body were clapt into prifon, and the fpeaker fent to Bicetre or Bridewell, to deliver his harangue before the motley inhabitants of that dreary manfion. The fafety of the inhabitants would require, no doubt, proper attention from government, to provide carriages hung on better fprings, and in general more cleanly ; but the fcarcity and dearth of hay and ftraw, exclufive of the heavy imports of 20 fols per day for the privilege of rattling over the pavement of. Paris, when for the value of an Englifh {hilling, you may go from one end of the town to the other, prevent the introducing of fo defirable a reformation. PONT NEUF, or NEW BRIDGE. This is the greatelr. thoroughfare in Paris ; if you are in queft of any one, native or foreigner, there is a moral certitude of your meeting with him, at fartheft, in the fpace of two hours. The police-runners are convinced of this truth; here they watch their prey, and if, after a few days look-out they do not find it, they conclude, with PARIS IN MINIATURE. 19 with a certainty nearly equal to evidence, that the bird is flown. The mod remarkable monument of popular gratitude, may be feen on this bridge the fta- tue of Henry IV. And if the French cannot boafb of having in reality a good prince, they may comfort themfclves in contemplating the effigy of a monarch, whofe like they will never fee again. At the foot of the bridge, a large phalanx of crimps, commonly called dealers in human flefh, have eftablifhed their quarters, recruiting for their Colonels, who fell them whojefale to the King. They formerly had recourfe to the moft violent means, now they are only permitted to ufe a little artifice, fuch as employing foldiers trulls for their decoy-ducks, plying with liquors thofe youngfters who are fond pf the juice of the grape. Sometimes, efpecially at Martinmas and on Shrove Tuefday, which are facred in a peculiar manner to gluttony and drunkennefs, they pa* rade about the avenues leading to the bridge with long ftrings of partridges, hares, &c. others jingling lacks full of half crowns to the ears of the gaping multitude ; the poor dupes aic enfnared, they think of going to fet down to a fumptuous dinner, whilft in reality they are haftening to the flaughter-houfe. Such are the P 2 heroe? 40 PARIS IN MINIATURE. heroes picked out to be the fupport and pillars of the ftate ; and thofe future great men, that world of conquerors in embrio, are purchafedat the trifling price of ten half crowns a head. SPIES. Were not levity natural to a Parifian, good fenfe would make it necefiary, for he is every way befet with fpies. If two citizens are whifpering to each other, a third comes in and endeavours to catch the word ; the fpies of the police are a kind of regiment, ferving under the banner of curiofity, with this difference, that each of them wears a diftinc~b uniform, and alters it as occafion requires : nothing fo quick and won- derful as thofe fudden transformations. The very man who in the morning paraded the ftreets with a fword by his fide, is feen to-< wards night in a clerical accoutrement. At another time, counfcllor-like, he mews himfelf in a black coat and long curling hair ; to af- fume an hour after the more impofing appear- ance of a Bobadil, with a toledo, formidably beat- ing time to his confequential itrut. View him the next day, a golden headed cane in his hand, perfonating a financier, and apparently attentive to calculate the produce of his intereft in the new loan. In fhort, a fpy in Paris takes up PARIS IN MINIATURE. 21 up and lays down the moft whimfical and im~ poling appearances, juft as it fuits his conve- niency, or the kind of people he has to do with. Jn one and the fame day, knight of $t, Louis and journeyman barber, abbot and (hoe-black by turns ; he leaves a ball-part to vifit the moft infamous brothels. He is, in a word, all eyes, ears and legs; for he daily faunters about and vifits three times a day the fixteen wards of Pa- ris. At coflfee-houfes, retired to a folitary cor- ner, you would take him for one of thofe heavy beings who eat till they fall afleep, and wake only to eat again : he'll mam to be in a pro* found nap; nay, fnore if occafion requires; yet he has feen, he has heard all that has been faid or done. When this ftratagem fails, and he has not been able to gather fufficient matter for an information, he turns fpeaker; is the firft to talk V>old, in order to infpire his hearers with confi- dence ; then your very filence is for him a fuffi- cient weapon againft you. Whether you answer or be mute, he knows or at leaft interprets your thoughts on any particular operation of govern-, ment, and then look to yourfelf ; in an hour'* time your fate is decreed. Such are the means by which the minifter is lead into the fecrcts of every family i nay, of each individual. This knowledge has more in- fluence on the conduct of the minifters, than the 22 PARIS IN MINIATURE. the bed and mod forcible arguments that rea~ fon or politics could urge. Thus far government is not to blame -, and if they take the opinions of the fubjec"t, to purfue or new model the plans and operations of the cabinet^ the fpies may be looked upon as very ufeful, though, even in this fuppofition, the moft contemptible fet of beings. But if we confider, that from their information, often falfe, and moftly laid upon mere preemption, the liberty, nay, the very life of the citizen is at flake, we cannot but tremble at the very thought of being furrounded with fo many blood- hounds, who often are the firft to bark at their employers, the better to draw us into a fnare and tear us afterwards piece-meal for a trifling hire. The confequence is then fatal to fociety : each looks upon his neighbour with a fufpicious eye. The matter dares not ipeak before his fervant; the hufband, curfed with a wanton wife, muft dread leaft, the better to enjoy her lewd courfe of life, me is medicating on his ruin ; nay, the fa- ther has every thing to fear from a froward foil or daughter : in fhorr, one would think that the frantic author of an Englifh book, entitled, An Effay en the Depravity of Human Nature, ft ti- died his fubjecl: in Paris, where, in fact, hofpi- taliry PARIS IN MINIATURE. 23 tality is often rewarded by the captivity of the unfufpecting hod. Do not think, indignant reader, that I go too far in averting, that a wife is amongft the in- mates the mod dangerous enemy to her huf- band. I juft recoiled: to the purpofe, the fol- lowing anecdote, which happened a few years before the clofe of the late reign. Though the plot was tl laid in blood," it ended in a very ludicrous manner, and for fome time engrofied the whole talk, or rather whifper, of the Fari- fians, for none here is allowed to fpeak aloud. An eminent goldfmith was poflefled of one of the prettied women in the capital, or, per- haps, in all France. As the tradefman's mif- fbrtune would have it, the lovely partner of his bed had all tne vices and not a fpark of the vir- tues of her ft-x. Amongft a countlejs number of paramours, a certain Abbe, nearly related to one of the minifters of ftate, held the firft rank. As (he was lefs referved with this clerical Adonis , the huiband had the impertinence, to remon- ilrate, and at laft was mad enough to chide and upbraid. This was too much for female frailty t bear ; me complained to her lover of her fpoufes ungentleman-like behaviour. The plot was laid to remove the nuifance, and punilh the unfafhionable wretch for his faucy, antidiluvian notions. It was at a time when lettres de cachet were 4 PAHIS IN MINIATURE. were the bank notes with which the great men paid their debts ; the fon obtained them againft his father, and vice verfa, without further trou- ble than foliciting the favour of Comte St. Flo- renting miftrefs, who fet her price according to the degree of injuflice on which the complain* Was grounded. Our Abbe, related to the great man himfelf, applied to him for one of thofe kinds of habeas torpus, by which a parent may be removed from his houfe and family to fuch place as the mi- nifter or the purchafer of the letter thinks fit. Provided with the proper weapons, he puts them into the hands of one of thofe executors of mi- nifterial commands, call'd Exempt*. Contrary to the Abbe's expectations, and indeed to all pro- bability, the perfon he employed to adjuft mat- ters between the hulband and wife, was a dif- grace to his corps : he could feel for a friend, and had honefty enough to inform the gold- fmith under-hand, defiring him to be out of the way on fueh a particular day. About ele- ven o'clock the next night he watched the door, and feeing the Abbe enter, juft gave him time enough to undrefs and go to bed j when> knock* ing hard at the frreet door, he ordered it to be opened in the king's name; He told his errand to the fervant, and bid him fhew him up to his matter's bedchamber. In vain did the former give PARIS IN MINIATURE. 25 give him the mod pofr.ive aflurances of the mailer being from home, the Exempt was pe- remptory, and would take no denial. He foon reached the apartment, where the Abbe was complimenting the wife, in the molt affectionate manner, on her happy deliverance, when the door flew open, and a voice was heard, aflcing the lady where was her hufband ? Upon receiving the fame anfwer as he had before from the fervant, the Exempt told her, that it was very natural and praifeworthy in a wife to fcreen her hulband on fuch an emergency ; but, Ma- dam, added he, the king's command muft be obeyed ; you have a man in your bed, and furely you would not fufrer any one but your hulband to lie with you ; I have too good an opinion of you to think otherwife. Buc come, Sir, get up and drefs yourfelf, or elfe I muft take you \njlatu quo* There was no poflibility of refitting a com- mand which the Exempt could have enforced by the affiftance of three or four flout Alguafils, who waited in the anti-chamber. The Abbe got up, was hurried into a coach, gagged, and carried to the place of confinement which he had defigned for the goldfmith. As this place Was feveral hundred miles diftant from Paris, it was feme time before the affair tranfpired ; the minifter was then no more, his relation was fet E at o6 PARIS IN MINIATURE. at large, but the family did not think ic prudent to make any noife about an adventure which could reflefl no credit on- their kinfman or his profeffion. The encouragement givea to fpies and ID- formers may be ranked arnongft the caufes of that levity, for which the French are fo gene- rally ftigrnatized. Their convcrfation is ever on trifling objects* and the whole of their poli- tical creed is contained in the Gazette de France* beyond which they dare not go ; fo that go- vernment may be faid to prescribe, at lead vir \ tually, to the inhabitants of the good city of Paris what is to be the topic of their public and even private converfatiou. This is remarkable even in the mod common occurrences; if the death of a citizen is by command to be kept a fecret, a whifper goes round, " He is dead, but not a word about it till further orders." The people in fhortj feem to be loft to every notion of po- litical and civil government; and if any thing could raife a fmile on the pitying philofopher's countenance, it would be, to hear an half- ftarved ragged Parifian infift,. with all the af- fumed abfurdity of felf-importance y that Paris and Verfailles can alone give laws to Europe, nay, and to all the world. The inveterate fcab of prejudice cannot be eradicated from thefe blocks, hardened by the moft incurable folly. POLICE PARIS IN MINIATURE. 27 POLICE RUNNERS. This may be termed the fecond part of Pari- fian grievances ; yet, like even the mod poifon- ous reptile, this pack of blood-hounds, are of fome fervice to the community ; they form a mafs of corruption, which the Police diftils, as it were, with equal art and judgment; and by mixing it wtih a few falutary ingredients, fof- ten irs baneful nature, and turn it to public ad- vantage : the dregs that remain at the bottom of the (1511, are the fpies, of whom I have juft fpoken , for thefe alfo belong to the police, the diftilled matter itfelf confifts of the thief* catchers, &c. Thefe, like other fpies, have people to watch over them ; each is foremoft to impeach the other, and a bale lucre is the bone of conten- tion amongft thofe wretches, who are of all evils the moft neceflary. Such are the admirable regulations of the Pa- ris Police, that a man, if fufpedted, is fo clofely watched, that the moft minute tranfaction in which he may be concerned, is treafured up till it is proper to arreft him. The Police does not confine its care to the ca- pital only, droves of its runners are fent to the principal towns and cities in this kingdom, E 2 2 8 PARIS IN MINIATURE. wheir, by mixing with thofe whofe cha- racter is fufpicious, infmuate themfelves into their confidence, and by pretending to join in their mifchicvous fchemes, get fufficient infor- mation to prevent their being carried into exe- cution. The mere narrative of the following fact, which happened when Mr. de Sartine was at the head of this department, will give the reader an idea of the watchfulnefs of the Police. A gentleman travelling from Bordeaux to Paris with only one fervant in his company, was ftopt at the turnpike by the Cuftom-Houfe Officer, who having enquired his name, told him he mud go directly to Mr. de Sartine ; the traveller was both aftoniflied and frightened at this peremptory command, which, however, k would have been imprudent to difobey : he -went, his fears, foon fubfided at the civil re- ception he met with, but his furprize was greatly increafed when the magiftrate, whom to his knowledge he had never fcen before, calling him by his name, gave him an account of every tranfaction that had taken place previous to the gentleman's departure from Bordeaux, and even minutely defcribed the full contents of his port- manteau j now, Sir, continued the Lieutenant Ai Police, that I am well informed, 1 have a trifle more to difclofe to you ; you are going to fuch PARIS IN MINIATURE. 29 fuch an hotel, and a fcheme is laid by your fer- vant to murder you by ten o'clock Then, my lord, I muft fhift my quarters to defeat his wicked intention by no means, Sir, you muft- not even take notice of what I have faid j re- tire to bed at your ufual hour, and leave the reft to me. The gentleman went to the hotel, and followed the advice of the magiftrate : about an hour after he was laid down, when, no doubt, he was but little inclined to compofc himfdf to reft, the fervant, armed with a claip knife, entered the room on tip-toes, drew near the bed, and was about fulfilling his murderous intention, when four men, rufliing from behind the hangings, feized the wretch, who confefled all, and foon after paid, to the injured laws of humanity, the forfeit of his life. There are different forts and clafies of fpies; we have the court fpies, the bed fpies, the ftreet fpies ; fome watch over the fil/ts de joye, others keep a Iharp look-out for wits; thofe are all known by the general appellation of Mouchards* from the name of the firft man employed in that capacity by the Court of France. Although this execrable trade is carried on under the cloak by fome people of fafliion, who have no other rcfource, the profeffion is never- thelefs held fo infamous, that no limb of the police, if known for fuch, is admitted into any company -, 5 o PARIS IN MINIATURE. company ; and, indeed, why fhould we look abroad for people to come and worm out our fe- crets, when our very fervants are under govern- ment pay for that purpofe. The minifter fees his private fpies ; thefe have nothing to do with the Police, but the moft dangerous of all, as they are not fo eafily difco- vered as the commonalty of their brethren. Is it to be inftructed and to improve by what is faid of them, that the minifter have recourfe to this method of procuring information ? By no means, (tatefmen are every where the fame ; they want to know thofe whom they call enemies, becaufe they dare judge for thcmfelves, to filence by deftroying them j the only difference is, that in a mixed government they only wilh for or at- tempt, whilft in defpotic governments they cfFecT: it with equal eafe and impunity. LIEUTENANT DE POLICE. This is one of the moft ufeful magiftrates of all France, though not accounted one of the minifters ; he has, perhaps, more influence in the royal clofet than the firft of them all. He knows fo many things, that it is in his power to do a great deal of good or to occafion much mifchief. The reins he holds in his hands are compofed of numberlefs threads, which he, can PARIS IN MINIATURE. 31 at pleafure entangle and turn into a gordian knot. He punimes or fpares, gives light or darknefs $ in fhort, his authority is not lefs ex- tenfive than delicate in its execution. His functions are not limitted to the bear maintenance of good order. As he always re- ceives the firft information he can, and often does fave from an ignominious death, or other exemplary puniftiments, a number of young gentlemen, who, carried away by the torrent of their unbridled pafiions, are guilty of rob- beries or even greater crimes. In this the ma- giftrate ads from motives of humanity, as he fpares to unfortunate and innocent parents the infamy which the guilt and puniftiment of their haplefs children would bring upon the fa- mily, even to the third and fourth generation -, for in this, as in many other relpefts, the French in general are flaves to the moft cruel and unjuftifiable prejudices. But why does not the paternal care of the Lieutenant de Police extend itfelf to all ranks of citizens ? Is the fon of a tradefman, for in- ftance, unworthy of the fame attention ? Has his father or family no honour to preferve ? They may have both, but what is that to the Police ? the queftion is, " Is the malefactor born a gen- tleman ? does he belong to people of rank and fafhion ? No then away with him to the gal- lows I 32 PARIS IN MINIATURE. lows ! The Lieutenant de Police in fuch cafes, like the public officer of ancient Rome, feems to fay, de minimis non cur at Praetor, the Prastor meddles not with fuch trifles ; thus making good the faying of the wife man of Greece, " Laws are like cobwebs, the heavy drone breaks through with great eafe, the fmaller fly alone remains entangled.'* It is for the common proflitute that this fe- cond king of Paris has a heart of fteel, unlefs they can come down handibmely. Three or four hundred of thofe wretches are taken up monthly, on the limple mandate of a Commif- fary (a kind of Juflice of Peace or Warder, who acts under the Lieutenant de Police) fome are fent to Bicetre for cure, others to hofpiuls, where they are put to hard labour. This is another trifle of which the Prxtor himfelf takes no cog- nizance -, he leaves it to his Secretary, and on his mittimus the poor victims of debauchery are drove away by carts full to their place of dellination. No plea or argument can flay judgment, unlefs it is backed with a handfome prefent. The Lieutenant de Police, or his Clerk, give regular audiences to all manner of people, and have a conilant levee of their fpies and Mou~ cbards, upon whofe information the magiftrate regulates the plan of his operations for that day. PARIS IN MINIATURE. 33 If, norwi'hftanding the good order eftablifhed and maintained by the Police, there fhould happen any alarming accident, either by nightly murders or otherwife, it is carefully concealed. Suicides, whole bodies were formerly drawn upon a wicker fledge, an ignominy which falls as heavy on the relations of the deceafed as hang- ing or breaking of him on the wheel would have done, are now interred fccrctly by the order of the Police; nor is this done in compliment to the furvivors, but merely becaufe were the lift of filicides as public here as it is in London, we fhould have no realbn to call this frenzy la maid- die Angloije. The fame wife and provident precautions are taken to conceal the death of thofe who have been crufhed under the wheels of carts, coaches, and other carriages j or killed by the accidental fall of tyles, chimney-Hacks, &c. Were thefe unfortunate events faithfully recorded, every in- habitant would be flruck with horror, and fly from fo dangerous an abode. Let a ftranger re- pair to the Hotel-Diet^ the Morne, or public bone-houfe ; there he will fee the deplorable remains of victims which daily fall a facrifice to thofe numberlefs cafualties. HAWK. 3 4 PARIS IN MINIATURE. HAWKERS. After having given a curfory account of the fpies and their monarch the Lieutenant de Police, I fhall fay a few words of a fetof men on whom thofe birds of prey are wont to fatten their keenefl talons. The bufmefs of thofe people is to be the itinerant beafts of burthen of literature, as the bookfellers are its eater-pillars ; illiterate, and hardly able to read, the hawkers may be faid to deal in a ware as perfectly foreign to them as the bufmefs of mixing up colours Would be to the blind. They only know the price of each book from a fix-penny flice up to any amount. The Police-runners haunt *hem every where, and fuch is the latter's ap- prehenfions of falling under the cenfure of the defpotic magiftrate, and altogether their igno- rance, that fome fell even prayer-books under the cloak with as much care and circumfpec- tion as if it were an immoral or political pam* phlet. Thofe poor harmlefs hawkers, who give a circulation to the clandefline works of the wri- ters of every denomination, without being able to read a fingle line : who, without fo much as fufpecting it, are the aflerters of public free- dom, and with no other view than to procure to PARIS IN MINIATURE. 35 to themfelves a fcanty fubfiftence, are the fifil to feel the refentment of the offended great. It would be, perhaps, if not dangerous at leaft impolitic, to attack the author himfelf i but a hawker fent to the Baftile or fattened in the public market by an iron carcanet, is a matter of too little importance to be noticed by the public, Will minifters never be wife enough. to defpife fuch dark aflaffins ? make themfelves invulnerable by a prudent and open adminiftra- tion ! Let them remember, that fincere praife rnufl be dumb, adulation alone be heard, if candid criticifm cannot raife its voice. Let their refentment fall on the world of fycophants that furround them, but never Hand in fear of thofe pamphlets, which, however libellous they may be fuppofed, contain now and then a few wholefome truths ; befides, the world will judge between the ftatefman and his detractors. An unjuft and ill-founded fatire hardly outlives the fortnight, and then falls into deferved and general contempt. So heavy are the (hackles and reftri portant an act of authority is in itfelf jufti- fiable. Neverthelefs, as no good or evil is perfectly without alloy, even thofe grievances, however heavy they may appear, are productive of fome ad vantage to fociety. There are an infinite O number of Idler crimes againft good order, of which the tedious manner of proceeding in our courts of juftice cannot take cognizance, no more than forefee and punifh them, or even check their career. A bold and fubtle crimi- nal would efcape through the bye paths that crofs every way the wildernefs of our civil law- Thofe of the police are more precife and to the purpofe. LOCK- PARIS IN MINIATURE. 45 LOCK-UP HOUSES. Thefe arc of very lace invention, and erected for the purpofe of keeping the ttreets clear from beggars, and that the eye may be no longer hurt by the (hocking contraft f extreme wretch- ednefs crawling by the fide of luxury. Thofe mendicants are thrown into dark and filthy manfions ; habitual idlenefs, bad nourifhment, their forlorn fituation, the great number of their fellow fufferers, heaped up together in a nar- row confined fpace j all thefe caufes, each of which is a kind of death, foon brings a real one upon them. Whatever be the pretence of thefe eftablifh^ ments, of which inhumanity alone could trace and execute the plan ; they militate againft na- ture, the civil laws, a wife politic, and religion itfelf. This reflection has, no doubt, been pow- erfully felt by a lady, who, whilft her hufband was at the head of the finances, never folicited his favour but for diftrefied innocence and the induftrious poor, an honour to her fex, the boaft of her country, and the delight of all her acquaintance; or, to fum up the whole, and even exceed all praife in two words, Madame NECKER has made it for fome years her bufinefs to remedy the m'oral evil hitherto complained of, 4o PARI SIN MINIATURE. of, by building houfes for the reception of the fiecefmous, where induftry fhall be properly encouraged, and indigence relieved in a manner equally comfortable and flri&ly confonant with humanity's facred rules. PRISONS. The provident law feizes equally upon the innocent and guilty, when fuch a ftep is necef- iary to bring villainy to light and condign pu- tiimment: but as imprifonment is of icfelf a grievous afflictive pain, it ought to be foftened in the beft manner pofiible. To fecure a man, is it neceflary to endanger his health, call him into a horrid dungeon, to linger away a life of horror, furrounded on all fides by a gang of villains whofe very fight is a torment ? If upon fufpicion, and only for the greater fafety of fociety at large, it is requifite to feize upon and fecure a citizen, let him not be ex- pofed to the mercy of an avaricious gaoler; let him not, when torn from his family and friends, be confounded with thofe who nre doomed to an ignominious death ; for af- ter all, a man thus imprifoned may prove in- nocent, The hardfhips of fuch a fituation is moft keen- Iv felt here, where the goals are confined and un- PARIS IN MINIATURE. 47 unwholefome, where the prifoners breathes the moft infectious air ; if he would be by himfclf he muft pay fixty livres per month for a pri- vate hole, not above ten feet fquare j every kind of necefiaries fetch there a double price, and one would imagine, that a heavy tax is laid upon the prifon, in order to encreafe the wrctchednefs of its devoted inhabitants. The police within thefe horrid habitations is kept by the turnkeys, affifted by large maftiffs, fo congenial with the former, that it is not eafy to decide, which of them all is the compleateft brute. Thefe pupils, worthy of fuch matters, are obedient to their every nod ; and as they are well taught, at the firft fignal of their chiefs o * Cj they throttle a prifoner, and force him back to his dungeon. A little narrow but very thick door opens two hundred times an hour, to let in whatever is needful for the prifoners, there being no other entrance. The caclots, ctherwife black or condemned holes, prefent to the affrighted eye an epitome of all the human miferies, heaped up together, The moft abandoned debauchery reigns there imcontrouled, and the idle villain is daily pra&ifmg new crimes. The few wretches who linger within thefe fubterraneous abodes, are called Pailleux, from the flraw which is their only 48 PARIS IN MINIATURE. only bed But let me here drop the pencil, humanity fhudders even at this feeble (ketch of real mifery and wretchednefs. Yet before we quit this woeful place let us take notice of one horror more. At the very entrance, the firft object that wounds the eye is a coffin, common to all to carry off the dead corpfes, one by one, except the deceafed are of fo flim a fize as to be crammed together two and two. It is made up of very thick and folid boards, fo far indeed that the common bier of the Cha- telet has been in tife for above four-fcore years ; and yet this very fight which appals humanity is the moft comfortable profpect of the unfor- tunate victims for which it is deftined, and they jocofely call it amongft themfelvcs the Pje- crujl. O ye whom we mifcall favages ! inhabitants of the moft northern parts of America, ye are faid to feed on the flefh of your conquered foes, but you are humane and gentle, and your deeds are commendable, when compared to the fright- ful pictures my indignant but faithful pencil could draw, to the eternal (hame of our boafted humanity and refinement; if we have any it is in being more barbarous than yourfelves. Yet hold fome comfort is in profpect, mercy and mildnefs fit on the throne, the paternal care of our new monarch is awakened, and an edift PARIS IN MINIATURE. 4$ edict is preparing to relieve that unhappy part of his fubjects, who may have provoked the Jaws tojuftice, but not to barbarity ! SENTENCE OF DEATH. After a prifoner has feen death under fo many forms, when his foul is in a manner xvithered, his fpirit exhaufted, and life is grown a burthen, the fentence that ends his fufferings mould, it feems, be mofl welcome to him it would be fo, were not our laws more calcu- lated to torture the body than fimply to punifti the criminal. A man who pays the forfeit of his life to the injured laws of his country, has, in the eyes of reafon, more than fufficiently atoned for his crime, but here induftrious cruel- ty has deviced the moft barbarous means of avenging the wrongs done to fociety, and ths breaking the bones of a wretch on a crofs, tvvift- ing his mangled body round the circumference of a wheel, are inventions worthy of the fertile brains of a Pbalaris, and mew to the fulled de- monflration, that fuch inhuman laws were more levelled againft the man, than the crime for which he is doomed to fuffer. Did the murderer, fhulking in the woods, ever thought of inflicting fuch horrid torments on the victims of his thirfl after a paltry ore ; he H gives 50 PARIS IN MINIATURE. gives the fatal blow, but dreads to face the ob- J<5t of his crime , he kills at once, and flies from the bloody fpot, a prey to his remorfe : whilft juftice, more cruel by far, tells, with un- clouded brow, for the fpace of twenty-four hours, the horrid groans of the wretch who dies, as it were, by inches, amidft the moft agonizing tortures. EXECUTIONER. The executioner in Paris enjoys a revenue of no lefs than 18,000 livres j his figure is perfectly well known to the populace, he is for them the greateft tragedian. Whenever he exhibits, they croud round his temporary ftage, our very women, even thofe, whofe rank and education Ihould infpire with the mildeft fenti- ments, are not the laft to fhare in thofe horrid fpectacles. I have feen fome of thofe delicate creatures, whofe fibres are fo tender, fo eafily fhaken, who faint at the fight of a fpider, look unconcerned on the execution of Damtens, and he the laft to avert their eyes, from the moft dreadful punifhment that ever was deviced to avenge an offended monarch. The Bourreau, though the laft, and by his employment ftigmatized with ignominy, has no badge to diftinguifh him from the reft of the PARIS IN MINIATURE. 51 the citizens ; and in this particular, I think, the Police very deficient, efpecially when he executes the dreadful commands of the law. It is not only ridiculous, it is Ihocking in the extreme, to fee him afcend the ladder : his head dreff-d and profufely powdered, a laced coat, filk ffcockings, and a pair of as elegant pumps as ever fet off the foot of the moft refined petit- maitre. Should he not be clad in garments more fuitable to the minifter of death ? What is the confequence of fo grofs an abfurdity ? A populace, not overburthened with the feelings of fimpathy, are all taken up with admiration for the handfome cloaths and perfon of Charles Break-bones (nickname given to the executioner). Their attention is engrofied by the genteel be- haviour and appearance of this deputy of the monarch of terrors : they have hardly a thought to beftow upon the malefactor, not one on his fufferings, and of courfe the intention of the Jaw is fruftrated ; the dreadful example meant to frighten vice from its criminal courfe has CJ no effect on the minds of the fpectator, much more attentive to the point-ruffles, and the rich cloaths of the man, whofe appearance mould con- cur in adding to the folemnity, than to the awful memento fee up by a dire necefTity, to inforce the practice of virtue by mewing, that he who lives in crimes mull die in infamy, II 2, Th- 52 PARIS IN MINIATURE. The executioner, from the ftigma inherent to his profeffion, and of courfe to himfelf, can- not look out for alliances among the other ranks of citizens. The very populace, though as well verfed in the hiftory of the hangman and ma- lefactors, as people of a more refined education are with the fovereigns of Europe and their minifter?, would think it a difgrace to inter- marry with his family to the lateft generation. It is not many years fmce the Bourreau of Paris publicly adverdfed, that he was ready to beftow the hand of his daughter, with a portion of one hundred thoufand crowns, in favour of any na- tive Frenchman who would accept of it, and agree to fucceed him in bulinefsj the latter claufe would have daggered avarice itfelf, and Charley was obliged to follow the former prac- tice of his predecefibrs in office, and marry his heirefs to a provincial executioner. Thefe gen- tlemen, in humble imitation of our bimops, take their furnames from the cities where they are fettled, and among themfelves it is Monfieur of Paris, Monfieur of Rouen, &c. &c. 1 cannot difmifs this article without obferving the impropriety of having the felons executed in the very center of the capital ; the renters of the Place de Greve, who have lent their money to government, are witnefs three or four times a month of t^e fad fpectacle, and their ear.3 grated PARIS IN MINIATURE. 3 grated with the difmal groans of the tortured malefactor. But as I have had occafion to remark, the code of our criminal laws is fo entangled, that a new one ought to be fettled, to give to this part of our legiflature that appearance which diftinguifhes the operation of juftice from the atrocious deeds of a blood-thirfty tyrant. I Ihall conclude this chapter by the follow- ing narrative, the fact is now recent in every man's memory, and may fcrve as a leflbn to all judges, not to be too hafty in admitting cir- cumftantial evidence as an irrefragable proof of guilt. ^ About feventeen years ago a country girl left her peaceable home to come to the capital, and as her misfortune would have it was hired by a man who was tainted with all thofc vices that difgrace humanity. She was handfome, and foon kindled in her mailer's bofom a paffion which nothing but enjoyment could allay. But -he folicited in vain, virtue fenced her on every fide. She had not been long enough in Paris to have entirely fhaken off the romantic notions ^of innocence, which Ihe had imbibed in a parent's humble cottage Difappointed love de- ipairs and pines away but the luftful man knows no bounds, and as the only fentiment that actuates him is brurality, if he is fruftrated in his criminal attempts, rage and hatred take the 54 PARIS IN MINIATURE. the place of his wanton defires it was here the cafe foiled in his expectation, he bent all his thoughts on revenge, and devifed the moft diabolical one that hell-born villainy alone could have imagined. Having found means to open, by a falfe key, a box belonging to the ill-fated girl, he fecretly lodged therein a great quantity of his property, fuch as plate, &c. marked with his name- then privately fent for a Commiflaire, complained of his being robbed, requeuing he would inftantly fearch the houfe. The girl with all the candour of confcious innocence was the firft to offer her box it was ranfacked, and the fuppofed ftolen goods were found artfully con- cealed under the cloaths She was apprehend- ed : her very furprife conftrued into a filent proof of her guilt, and fhe,. after a fhort trial, fentenced to be hanged. Providence, however, feemed to interfere : the hangman, a novice in his profeffion, per- formed the operation in a bungling manner ; fhe was hanged, but not flrangled, The fur- geon, who had bought the body, took it home, but foon, to his great furprife, found that fhe had fome life remaining ; he gave her all the afiiftance his art could afford, and in a few mi- nutes recovered her entirely. The PARIS IN MINIATURE. 55 The poor girl was not re-hanged, as falfely afferted in the Journal de Paris, but by the advice of a prieft, whom the careful furgeon had lent for, ftie retired to the country, under the protection of a lady well known for her huma- nity and benevolence. Mean while the affair tranfpired, and the monfter, by a timely flight, efcaped his deferved fate. It is faid that he is now in England, where, in the capacity of a French teacher, he earns a tolerable livelihood. Oh, why does not the Almighty in his wifdom imprint on the cheek of fuch villains, in characters of blood, this ufeful caution : BEHOLD A MUR- DERER ! Yet the wretch of whom we fpeak here, is even worfe than the aflaflin, fince the wounds he gives are not only mortal to the body, but to that which is more precious than life, I mean, honour and a good name. But enough indeed too much of thefe horrid defcriptions , let us drop the veil, and huma- nity dry up her tears, whilft I endeavour to amufe my readers with fome Parifian pecu- liarities. RETAILERS OF NEWS. A groupe of .news-mongers, in deep debate on the political interefts of Europe, (landing in the 56 PARIS IN MINIATURE. the fhady walks of the Luxembourg, prefent to the eye a moft curious picture. They difpofe of kingdoms, regulate the finances of fove- reigns, and, in the twinkling of an eye, march whole armies from north to fouth. Each of them is tenacious of his opinion, and fwears, right or wrong, to ihe truth of his aflertion. But lo ! the laft comer contradicts every thing that has been faid. The fame, who triumphed in the morning, finds himfelf totally routed at feven in the evening -, but the next day, at the Sanhe- drim of thofe wife politicians, the laft night's informant gains a compleat victory. All the bloody operations of war become an object of amufement for the old, idle, talkative fools a and engrofs the whole of their converfation. What ought to aftonifti a fenfible mind, is the profound and fhameful ignorance of all thofe news-mongers on the character, ftrength, and political fuuation of the Englifh nation. It is true, that, under the ilated roof of the rich and great, no better notions are entertained in general. The French treat the Englifh, when they are not prefent, in a tone of fuperiority, haughtinefs, and contempt, which muft make a fenfible hearer lament the folly of the cowardly detractors. The Parifians (land the ftronceft u example of a people obedient to national preju- dices, They believe in the Gazette de France^ which PARIS IN MINIATURE. 57 \vith as implicit a faith as any article of their religious creed, tho it ferves only to propagate the moft impudent falflioods, and calmly palm them upon the indignant world, yet the Parifians fwearby no other-, it is their only political gofpel. They will ferioufly maintain, that it is in the power of their grand monarch to fubdue Eng- land at his mighty pleafure ; and affert, that if a defcent is not made in London, it is becaufe the minifters are not willing to do it, from caufes better known to themfelves ; nay, they go fo far as to fuppofe, that they might prevent that nation from navigating on the riverThames. All thefe impertinencies are daily uttered by perfons from whom one has leaft reafon to ex- pect them. Hear them talking on other fub- jccts, you will find them fenfible and even pro- found ; but when England is mentioned, one would readily conclude, that they have neither judgment, knowledge, nor reading. They have not the leaft idea of its ccnftitution, and they fpeak of it as a critic, who does not understand Englifh, comments upon Shakefye&ft. Thefe foolifli affertions deferve only the contemptuous fmile of men who are better informed. The great misfortune is, that thefe abfurd opinions are not confined to the lower clafs of people. Perfons of rank, nay," men of letters themfelves are not, in that refpedV, unlike the news-mongers. I The 3 8 PARIS IN MINIATURE. The following trait will give my readers fome idea of that national prejudice, which our good Parifians entertain againft the Englifh in general. A citizen of the Rue Corddiercs, was affidu- oufly attentive to the ravings of an Abbe, afworn enemy of the Englifii. This Abb charmed and delighted the old gentleman by his vehe- ment declamations. He was for ever repeating, " we muft raife thirty thoufand men, embark thirty thoufand men* land tbirty tkoujand men, this operation will perhaps coft thirty thousand men, but we mail poflefs ourfelves of London, and what is the lofs of thirty thoufand men to complete ib glorious an expedition ?" This was his daily, and you will own, good reader, \zryjenfible argument ; in fact, he had jio other to urge Some months after, his gaping admirer fell fick, and on his death-bed remem- bered his dear Abbe, whom he could no longer expect to hear : but the Abbe had predicted the approaching and infallible deftrudion of Eng- land, by means of thirty tloujand men. To give him therefore a teftimony of his lincere grati- tude (for this good man hated the Englifii with- out knowing wherefore), he left him a legacy, couched in the following words : " I will and 'bequeath to the Abbe thirty tbcvfandmen, twelve hundred livres a-vear. I do not know him by any othtr name -, but he is ?. good patriot, who has PARIS IN MINIATURE. 59 has aflerted at the Luxembourg, that the Englifh, that odious nation, who dethrone their fove- reigns, will loon be deftroyed." On the depofition of many witnefles, who attefted that fuch was the furname of the Abbe, who frequented the Luxembourg from time im- memorial, and that he had always Ihewn him- felf a faithful antagonift of thofe fierce republi- cans, the legacy was paid him. Were it poflible to print all that is faid in Paris, in the courfe of only one day, it mult be confefled that it would be a very ftrange compilation. What a heap of contradictions ! The idea alone provokes rifibility. ABBES. As in the foregoing article we have men- tioned the word Abbe, and as I have the pre- fumption to fuppofe, that my xvork may be translated, I think it neceflary to give fome ac- count of that heterogeneous being. Paris is full of them. True clerical drones, they ferve neither the church nor the flate, and live in the mod exceffive idlenefs. Ro- binfon Crufoe obferves, that a robuft body, which would have made an excellent porter, was often fpoiled, by concealing his man- ly limbs under a black gown. But Robin- I 2 fon 60 PARIS IN MINIATURE. fon Crufoe was a favage ; had he had the kappinefs of being born at Parisj he would have changed his note. In moft houfes you will find an Abbe, who is ftyled the Friend^ though in reality he is no more than a dignified valet, who commands over the livery fervants - 9 is alfo the humble fer- vant of Madame ; affifls at her toilet ; and with- out doors, directs the affairs of Monfteur ; and often acts the honorable part of pander to his patron. That perfonage is tamely fubfervient to the will and caprice of his protectors during a number of years, with the only view of having his name entered on the lift of church-livings. They at length fucceed, and receive, after years, the dear bought reward of their fervility : meanwhile they enjoy a good table, with other trifling advantages to be met with in the abode of opulence, The lady's maid informs them of every thing that pafles ; they know all the fecrets of the matter, the miftrefs, and the fervants. Next come the preceptors ; thefe are alfo abbes. In great families they are fcarcely dif- tinguifhed from the menial fervants. During the courfe of young mailer's education, however, they have a fmall portion of attention paid them> asfoon as it is finimed, they are prefented with a trifling penfion, or a living is procured for them; they PARIS IN MINIATURE. 61 they are then difmified, without farther reward or ceremony. The little efteem that they enjoy, is a reafon why they arefo indifferent for the im- provement of their pupils ; but how is it to be fuppofed, that fifty pounds fterling a-year is a fufficient recompence for the education of a young man, the moft difficult and uncertain of all talks. Befides, nemo dat quod non habet ; it muft be a man of fuperior abilities, who can really open the mind to receive inftruction, and who can correct an ungrateful and perverfe nature. Here are alfo, under the denomination of abbes, many nondefcripts, without either band or other infignia of the clerical profeffion, drefied in a Pruffian coat with gold bottons, their hat under their arm, ftrut about with heads moft impertinently drefied, and give themfelves the rnoft effeminate airs. Pillars of the theatres and of coffee-houfes ; bad com- pilers of worthlefs pamphlets, or doers of faty- rical extracts , it may be afked how they can belong to the church ? for thofe alone who ferve the altar have a right to be called eccle^ liaftics. They heverthelefs ufurp the name, becaufe they now and then wear the clerical habit when it can fuit their purpofe. To the great fcandal of religion this is fuf- fered ; but why, I know not. Yet, true it is, that 6z PARIS IN MINIATURE. that without the lead pretence to that diftinc- tion, whoever likes it may wear the caflbck. It is more in fafhion than ever, as it is the cheapeft wear, gives the bearer an air of dif- tindion, and does not, as formerly, exclude him from vifiting certain places which were once {hut againft the clergy. It was not permitted to the real or pretended Abbes, twenty-five years ago, to vifit a Lais; the proftitute who laid an information againft them before theCom- miflary, had fifty livres, which were paid by the Bifliop. This odious inquifition, which united the double vice of perfidy and fliame, no longer ex i Its, COFFEE-HOUSES. There are in this capital between fix and feven hundred coffee-houfes, the common refuge of idlenefs and poverty, where the latter is warmed without any expence for fuel, and the former entertained by hearing every thing that is faid and gazing at the crowds who make their en- trance and exit by turns, that is, in other words, feeing an hundred new faces in an hour. In other countries, where liberty is more than an empty name, a coffee-houfe is the rendez- vous of politicians, who freely canvafs the con- duel: of the .minifter, or debate on matters of ftate. PARIS IN MINIATURE. 63 ftate. Not fo here ! I have already given a very good reafon, why the Parifians are fparing of their political reflexions. If they fpeak at all on flate matters, it is to extol the power of their fovereign, and the wifdom of his coun- cellors. A half ftarved author, or a powdered Bias, with all his wardrobe and moveables on his back, dining there on a dim of coffee and a halfpenny roll, talks big of the immenfe re- fources of his country, and the great plenty of every necefiary of life, whilft his only fupper is the fleam arifing from the rich man's houfe, as he returns to his empty garret. The moft important points which engrofs the converfation, are of a far different nature. Authors are arraigned before the areopagus that (its there in judgment. Here the fpeakcrs may talk about and about it without having any thing to apprehend from the fpies, provid- ed they do not take part againft thofe writers whofe works have been ftigmatifed by the lite- rary inquifitors. The productions that they are at liberty to canvafs, approve, or condemn, confift of dramatic pieces, weekly or monthly magazines. On thefe criticifm may, and does feed, even to furfeit. Thofe who have juft en- tered the litts of literature, (land in dread of this awful tribunal, where a dozen of grim- looking critics deal out reputation by whole - fele. 64 PARIS IN MINIATURE. fale. Woe to the young poet, to the new actor or aclrefs, they are often all of them fcntenced without trials, cat-calls, deftined to grate their affrighted ears, are manufactured here overadifli of chocolate. Our brave anceftors ufed to refort to taverns and public-hcufes for the pleafure of meeting together in a focial manner; they kept up this good humour, their temper was not foured yet, nor their Ipirit broken, as ours are ever fince the encroaching hand of'defpotifm has clapped a pad- . lock on our lips ; nothing is feen but clouded and vacant countenances, or if they expreis any thing, it is that uneafinefs and anxiety which fprings from the dread every man (lands in of his neighbour. Though I afcribethis very fatal alteration moftly to our political fhakles, I am of opinion, that the change of liquor may be fet down for the na- tural caufe of that almoft univerfal dejection. Our forefathers drank that mirth-infpiring li- quor which Burgundy and Champaign fupplied them with. This gave life to their meetings Ours are more fober no doubt, but is that fo- briety the companion of health by no means to the generous wine we have fubftituted a black beverage, bad in itfelf, but worfe by the manner it is made in all the coffee-houfes of this fafliionable metropolis. But the good Pa- rifians PARIS IN MINIATURE. 65 riflans are very carelefs about the matter ; they fwallow what is put before them, and quaff down this baneful waih, which in its turn is droven down by a more deadly poifon, miftakenly called cordials. ORDINARIES. Thofe of the Parifians who are iingle, and can afford to pay for a better dinner than a cof- fee-houfe walh, refort to the Table d'Hotes, or Ordinaries. If the former may be called the abode of dulnefs, the latter are certainly the temple of gluttony. It is the misfortune of a ftranger to be obliged to put up with the fare commonly ferved up in thefe places. I fay his misfortune, becaufe he is often expofed to pay for a dinner, and in reality to have none. This is a myftery which I lhall difclofe for the benefit of thofe foreigners who may chance to cad their eye on this article. Yet the behaviour of my polite countrymen, in this circumftance, militates fo ftrongly againft the received opinion of our courtlinefs and ci- vility, that I blulh to be compelled to acknow- ledge, that at ordinaries they fhew more appe- tite than good breeding The greater the rea- fon I have to undeceive thofe who intend to vifit this capital There is always at the Tables K d'Hotes 66 PARIS IN MINIATURE. a fet of regular cuftomers, whofe com- plaifant ftomach digefts as faft as their de- vouring jaws can fupply its unconfcionable crav- ings. Thefe modern Milos who, if they can- not like the Crotonian of old, kill an ox with no other weapon than their fift, would prove a match for him in point of eating it up, divide amongft themfelves the whole fpoil of the table, and leave to their vifitors what they cannot con- fume. Woe then to the modell ftranger woe to thofe who are flow at their meals placed between thofe cormorants, they will have foon reafon to curfe them as heartily as ever Sancho Panca did his phyfician. The table will be cleared before they have had time to look about. In vain will they call back the waiters-, thefe fellows, whofe ears are waxed, mind nei- ther entreaties nor menaces. The only advice I can give to thofe who mean to vifit thefe eat- ing-houfes is, to learn the ufeful art of eating. If they are naturally well bred, let them forget their good manners at the door, for if they do not help themfelves, they run the chance of not being ferved at all. The above is not, however, the moft dh~ agreeable circumftance attending thofe motley crews, there are others more difgufting to thofe who have an averfion for lafcivious difcourfes, and PARIS IN MINIATURE. 67 who with the Englifh poet, and indeed all honeft men hold it as an axiom that, " Want of decency, is want of fcnfe." Thofe cannibals, who are blefied with ojlrkkian ftomachs, have all the garrulity and talkative- nefs of magpies, and often having dined for themfelves and for you, will ftun your ears with their loquacity, and wound your feelings by the mod undelicate language. t-> CJ Hear then, O ftranger, whom chance, bufi- nefs, or too good an opinion of this place and its inhabitants, compel or induce to leave your country and friends, avoid the Tables d'Hotes, if poffible, the lead evil that can attend your frequenting them is, to be at fhort allowance ; there are moral evils, which, in fuch places, foon become epidemic avoid them, he that entered it with innocence, often retires with guilty thoughts in his mind. Keep yourfelf to your- felf, and if you would be comfortable, fend for your dinner from the next Tralteur^ you will be well ferved, and have value for your money. FILLES DE JOYE. This is but too common a tranfition, good reader, from the place where I left you laft ; as K 2 I write 68 PARIS IN MINIATURE. I write for your information, let no one be a- larmed at the title of this chapter, I talk of an evil, but I mean none. Women of this (lamp are not the moft dan- gerous of their fex. Kypocrify does nor enter in the catalogue of their vices. They never can occafion fuch mifchiefs as that cunning wan- ton, hanging out the falfe colours of love and modefty ; moft of the former defcrve our pity, the latter our hate and indignation. Too frequent a commerce with thofe unfortu- nate wretches is productive of this evil, that moft of our young men take nearly the fame liberties with the real modeft women, and al- inoft treat them in the fame manner, fo that in this pretended refined age, love is but another word for lull and brutality. Our principals of gallantry fo widely differ from the fimplicity and candour of our fore- fathers, that our converfation with the moft re- fpedtable women keep hardly within the bounds of common delicacy. Scandalous anecdotes, impure vvitticifm, plain double entendre^ confti- tute two thirds of our propos gaknt. It is high time to put a ftop to this licentioufnefs: this conlummation fo devoutly to be wifhed, muft be the work of women ; let them Ihew a proper refentment, and the meft petulant coxcomb will either fly the prefence of a virtuous fair, and PARIS IN MINIATURE. 69 and then fo much the better for her fex, or me will make a convert, and thus benefit fociety. Indeed, fo defireable an alteration cannot take place too foon, it is almoft impoflible for the boldeft imagination to conceive another de- gree beyond theprefent corruption of our mo- rals, from the higheft to the loweft rank of people, Paris is a compleat Babylon. Upon a moderate computation there are in Paris 30,000 impures of the lower clafs, and about 10,000 more decently indecent^ known by the name of filles entretenues (kept ladies), who are in reality a transferable ftock, and yearly made over from one mafter to the other ; they were formerly called femmes amoureufes, and filles folks de leur corps. It is a grofs mifnomer, thefe venal beauties are not amorous^ and if they play the fool with themfelves, thofe who frequent them are flill more infane. Yet the police fingleout their female fpies from among thofe proftitutes ; its agents lay them under the heavieft contributions, and mew them- felves more contemptible than the meaneft of the MefTalinian tribe ; yes, there are in this metropolis, beings more vile than the mofl abandoned flreet-walker, and this thing is a police runner. As we have before obferved, great number of thofe wretches are taken up by night, in fo arbitrary 70 PARIS IN MINIATURE. arbitrary a manner, that a political fpeculator cannot but condemn, as highly derogatory to the refpecl: due to the domeftic afylum, to the weaknefs of the fex, and as likely to be produc- tive of evil confluences to fome of thefe un- fortunate victims of men's innate villainy. They are carried to the goal of the Rue Sf. Martin, and on the lafb Friday of every month they pafs mufter before the Police, that is to fay, they hear on their knees the fentence that condemns them to be imprifoned in the Salpe- trlere (Houfe of Correction) ; they are allowed neither attorney nor council, and inferior defpo- tifm, the worfe of all tyrannies, pronounce their due! The next day they are cramped into an open cart, all of them ftanding, fome weep, fome cover their faces, whilft others more inured to infamy, receive and retort the infults of an un- ruly populace in the moil indecent language. This fcandalous (hew goes through the town in the day-time, and both the behaviour and lan- guage of thefe women is a frefh breach of pub- lic decency. The matrons and the better, that is, the wealthiefl amongft them, by coming down handfomely, enter into articles of capitu- lation, and are allowed covered waggons. Without any exaggeration, the money fpent upon, all women of that clafs, may be eftimated at PARIS IN MINIATURE. 71 at fifty millions of livrcs per annum, whilft the whole amount of the monies applied to cha- ritable ufes is rated at three millions only, a difproportion that opens a wide and diftrefsful theme for fpeculation. But what above all muft deeply wound every reflecting mind is, that prostitution is become an unavoidable and al- moft neceflary evil. If that baneful fource fhould be ftopt 20,000 wretches muft ftarve, as their manual of work could hardly furfice to feed and cloath them. O ye legiflators, here is room for meditation, even to madnefs ! GALLANTRY. This is the triflng toy, which has taken the place of that honourable love, that fubfifted amongft us till within this century. Love, properly fpeaking, is now, at lead in Paris, no more than a kind of tempered liber- tinifm, which captivates our fenfes without ty- ranizing over reafon or duty, equally diftant from the debauchery and exceffive tendernefs decent where it can be fo, and delicate even in inconftancy. Our women feem to encourage that kind of nonchalance in love affairs, by their own example. The word is now, love till you are weary, and change before difguft comes on a pretty, or at lead, 72 PARIS IN MINIATURE. leaft, eafy kind of philofophy, deeply inforced by practice ; fo far indeed, that I vvifh our laws would expunge from the criminal code, the arti- cle Rape, as there are no Lucrettas now a-days, and that no man would take the trouble of being a Tarqmnius. Free and eafy is the motto of both fex, and if this alteration in our manners does no honour to our morals, it muft be owned, at leaft, that if we are not the moft paffionate, we have an exckifive right to be filled the moft indolent of all people. Love amongft us, therefore, cannot be called the tyrant of the heart ; and, perhaps, it is fo much the better for us, as carelefs love cannot be productive of fo many crimes as have been the confequence of that pafiion, when carried to ex- ccfs ; but at the fame time, it argues the lofs of many virtues in both fexes and where lies the fault ? Why is not the fair fex as amiable now, and as capable of infpiring a refpectful and lad- ing paflion ? Becaufe they have forfeited our cfteem. WOMEN. The obfervation of Jean Jacques Rouffeau, is but too well founded, when he fays, that our women, who have by degrees crept into all public places, and daily mix with the other fex, PARIS IN MINIATURE. 73 fex, have taken the haughtinefs, the looks, and the very gait of the latter. Paris is full of women who fay, like Ninon de rEnclos, " I have made myfclf a man" j the confequence is, that the homage we now pay to the fair, is borH tquivocal and affronting. The wncer above quoted has been fo fevere upon the Parifian ladies, and his arguments are fo well fupported, that I dare not contradict him, left any apology in their favour mould only ferve as a foil to fet off his reafoning. He is of opinion, however, that one may find a friend amongft them Yes, there are fome whofe good fenfe will make them capable of friend/hip, but in love they are all alike, fickle, inconftant, and more given to fenfuality than capable of the nobler refinements of a paffion which, if not founded on felf-efleem, is the dif- grace of mankind. Lord Chefterfield, after having beftowed on our ladies the moft fulfome and unmerited praife, becomes at lall a convert to truth, and concludes by whifpering to his fon, that they may be looked upon as fo many over-grown babes, who mould be amufed with two toys : galantry and adulation. The ladies amongft us have loft the moft endearing qualities of their fex, baihfulnefs, fim- plicity of manners, and delicacy of fentiment. L They 7 4 PARIS IN MINIATURE. They have made up this irreparable lofs by a; lively imagination, and the graces both of lan- guage and manners : they are more fought af- ter, but lefs refpedted , we ate attached to them without trufting to their love. But as they ad- vance in years, they are defpifed and forlorn,, and their only refource is, to become religious,, run from church to church, hear every fermon, vifit no one but their father confeflbr, and think themfelves the only phoenix of their ftx, after having been perhaps a difgrace to it, and thus end in hypocrify, a life idly Ipent in wantonnefs and diffipation. SEPARATIONS. This is the end of mod marriages amongft us. We are not allowed the divorce, but our laws permit a feparation, which in itfelf is worfe than the former, fince it renders fo many be- ings totally ufelefs to fociety, when they go Dot fo far as to be a difgrace to it j the latter, in- deed, is moftly the cafe : our paflions being the fame, and having no lawful excufe to indulge it by a mere feparation, we follow, without reftraint, the impulfe of nature, and being neither mar- lied nor yet fingle, the parties are at liberty to do as they pleafe, and a feparation, moftly founded on mifconducl:, legitimates in a man- ner a continuance of the fame. There PARIS IN MINIATURE. 75 There are two forts of feparations, one by law, and the other by mutual confent ; the for- .rner is not fo common perhaps, becaufe it muft be purchafed, and fometimes, after a hufband has fpent a great deal of money, to expofe his own and his wife's infamy, the award of the law is not given in his favour. As for fepara- tion by mutual confent, it often takes place be- fore the honey-moon is over, or after Madame has given an heir to the family.; it continues until the parties are tired of it. In this fenfe moft of our married people may be faid to be in a conftant ftate of feparation. They live, it is true, under the fame roof, but are in a man- ner ftrangers to each other, and might be a hundred miles afunder, were it not to fave ap- pearances. MARRIAGEABLE GIRLS. The number of antiquated maidens who have palled the proper age for marriage is incredible, becaufe nothing is fo difficult as to bring about fuch an alliance, not fo much for its being an "engagement for life, as on account of the pre- vious ceremoney of depofiting in the hands of a notary the requifite marriage-portion. Ugly ones we have in plenty, they are paficd by un- noticed, unlefs they can redeem that natural L 2 defect 76 PARIS IN MINIATURE. defect by a heavy purfe ; and even without this afTiftance, thofe to whom nature has been moft partial, can hardly find a hufband. It were well to revive in Paris a cuftom which prevailed amongft the Babylonians. Ail the marriageable girls were, at a certain time of the year, afiTem- bled in the market-place, the youth of the other fex came there to purchafe, and of courfc bid for the handicraft, and ihe money they dcpo- fjted was afterwards employed to portion the ugly and forlorn. Marriage is now looked upon as an unfup- portable yoke ; celibacy, as a life of eafe and quiet. The maids, or to fpeak more clearly, the unmarried girls in the middling rank, are very common. Several of them join in fo- ciety, make a common flock of their for- tunes, and fink the capital to enjoy a more comfortable revenue. This voluntary abnega- tion and anti-conjugal fyftem, from a fex whofe firft inclination ought to be for marriage, is not perhaps the lead confpicuous of our peculiari- ties. Amongft the Lacedemonians the married wo- men affembled every year, and in the Temple of V*nus feverely flogg.d the celibatarians of th-'rir k-x. What would Lycurgus iay now, were he fn fee our reputed maidens fly from the of Hymen, prefer celibacy, become the panegy rifts PARIS IN MINIATURE. 77 panegyrifts of that folitary life, and live in a kind of mafculine freedom, a liberty which at no time, and in no country, was ever the pri- vilege of their fex. What is the confequence of this flrange per- verfion of order ? People of fortune, who live fingle, or marry too late, beget no children: the poor, who venture boldly on matrimony, but too foon have large families ; fo that all the wealth of the country remains in the hands of a few; and thofe have lefs who want moft. Our private focieties are difgraced by thole old maids, who have difdained the reipectable title of wives and mothers. They carry their ufelefs and worn-out carcaffes from houfe to houfe ; but do they expeft thofe kind of non- entities to ufurp, or even {hare in the efteem and regard which are due to a mother of a fa- mily, furrounded by a numerous offspring? They ought on the contrary to meet every where with the moft contemptuous treatment, the more fo, as they are generally more peevifh, ill-natured, and covetous, than any woman who is or has been married. The virtues of their fex they neither know nor practice, but they exceed them all in thofe vices and ridicules that beg- gar "the contempt of every rational being. R E. 78 PARIS IN MINIATURE. REPUGNANCE FOR MARRIAGE. Whilft fo many maidens enjoy the moft un- bounded and licentious freedom, which does not even turn to the increafe of population, what (hall we fay of that almoft infinite number of young girls who under the care of their auftere parents are by their indigence, or foolifh pride, doomed to an eternal celibacy ? Are they not on the brink of the abyfs, and will they not fooner or later fall a prey to melan- choly or libertinifm? Beauty and virtue are valued at nought, unlefs they are fet off by fomethingfar more precious than either a large pcrdon. There certainly muft be a conilitutional defect in our laws, fmce man dreads to enter into the molt defireable engage- ment. Frightened at the heavy charges which the title of hufband muft bring upon him, he refules to pay this natural tribute to his ungrate- ful or at leaft abufed country. Either women have ac~led wrong and againft their own intereft in encouraging luxury, or elfe we have reached the lad degree of corrup- tion. No one will take a wife without a for- tune becaufe he muft fupport her extravagan- cies, and this very thought is fufficient to infpire him with a kind of antipathy for the indiilb- luble PARIS IN MINIATURE. 79 luble bond which he ties with a vifible reluc- tance. But how fhould we be furprifed at the num- ber of celibatarians of both fexes, when we confi- der that in Paris all manner of vices prevail, and are no where indulged at an eafier rate. How could a fenfible man, who reflects on the dilfi- pated life of our women, the contempt they fhevv for their moft eflential duties, not be hurt, and dread the confequence of entering into a ftate, the butt of ridicule, and in which he can find no redrefs from the law until his wrongs are publicly known, and that nothing more can be added to his difgrace ? Amongft the numberlefs caufes of our anti- matrimonial inclinations, the effrontery of our married women certainly holds the firft rank. Piqued at feeing the fuccefs of the courtizans, who engrofs the whole of our diflipated youths of fafhion, they form a kind of middling ftate between the proftitute and the modeft woman, they hide all the vices of the former under the Jatter's cloak, and of courfe are by far more dan- gerous ; nay, profligacy is come to fuch a pitch in this metropolis, that women, forgetting the amicable modefty, which alone gives value to their charms, and keeps up our defire, ac~l im- pudently the lover's part. Thefe are difagree- able So PARIS IN MINIATURE. able truths, yet I do not exaggerate they are only in miniature. YOUNG MISSES. How could the fair fex efcape that general corruption which we have but too juft a reafon to lament? A young girl can hardly ftammer a few inarticulate accents, when her provident mother reads her the firft lecture of felf-conceit and coquetry. There is nothing fo ridiculous as our dolls of five or fix years old ; at that age Mifs is no more a child. In public walks they already appear pinched up in the ftiff attire of fifteen. It is curious enough to fee them flrut about and torture their little bodies to imitate the gait of the grown ladies, their very looks and appearance ; giving to their hoops, much bigger than themfelves, all thofe fafhionable motions which they copy from their mamma. How fuch abfurdities muft fhock a thinking man who reflects on their dangerous confe- quences ! The good mamma or governefs, who walks behind her hopeful pupil or child, feems in raptures at the great airs of the little thing, and now and then, by way of encouragement, tells her, in a confequential tone, than in all the Faubourg /. Marcel taken collectively. It is in thofe dreary habitations, diftant from the central pare of the capital, that the ex- haufted fpendthrift, the man-hater, and the doating alchymifl feek for concealment and ob- fcurity. Some ftudious men alib prefer that refidence, and others who chufe to live retired from the world and the tumult ufual in the neighbourhood of p!ay-houfes. There they are furc not to be diflurbed by troublefome vifitors. Curiofity alone can induce a man to refurt to a place whofe inhabitants feem to be a race of men in every refpecl: different from the reft of the Parifians P 2 Here io8 PARIS IN MINIATURE. Here {editions and mutiny have their origin, and the embers of diflention are foon qtoickened into a fiame in this abode of obfcure wretched- nefs. The inhabitants have no other clock they can confult, but the rifing and fetting of the fun ; they are, in comparifon of their more refined neighbours, three centuries back in point of the prevailing arts and manners. Every private contention becomes a public difpute, and the difcontented wife pleads her caufe in the mid- dle of the ftreet, funimonsthe culprit before the tribunal of the populace, and in their prefence makes a public confeflion of her man's turpitude. The moft material points in litigation are here determined by fifty cuffs, and when one of the parties has had his face handfomely fcratched, they meet at night and make it up over a bottle of four wine. One fmgle room generally contains a family; the whole of the furniture not worth twenty crowns j every quarter day they fhift from hole to hole, as they are turned out for non-pay- ment of rent. Not one pair of fhoes, except wooden ones, is to be found in thefe lodging- houfes, Yet every Sunday they march out in crouds to Vaugirard, and fill up its numberlefs public houfes, to drink themfelves out of all feelings. After which they enter into a place called Sdle des PARIS IN MINIATURE. 109 dts Gueux (Beggar's Hall), and at the fcraping of a blind fidler dance away the remainder of their forrow, which on the next day returns upon them with tenfold force. But no matter, they have drank in one day for the whole week, and patiently wait for the Sunday following. CUSTOM-HOUSE AND EXCISE OFFICERS. As I love gradation, afcendendo, after having fpoken of the loweft I (hall fay a few words about the higher fort of Parifian Canaille ; I mean the Cuftom-Houfe and Excife Officers. Their number is countlefs, nor do they rate very high the price of their infamy. Their wages are from 800 to 1500 livres per annum. thofe of the latter clafs wear velvet, and point ruffles ; and the price of the lace that bedaubs their coat, is a manifeft robbery committed upon their ftomachs, making their appetite fub~ fervient to their love for mew ; hence the old French proverb, habit dori ventre de fon Lace your coat and feed upon bran. They tranfact all their bufinefs pen in hand ; the meaneft of this mean tribe muft underftand writing and accounts, as the entrance of a bot- tle of wine, a capon, a drove of oxen, &c. is to be fet down moft carefully in the regifter kept for that purpofe. Thefe ufelefs beings have learnt no PARIS IN MINIATURE. learnt nothing, know nothing, and have not #n idea beyond the four rules of arithmetic ; the following fact will ferve to prove the former part of my aflertion. A gentleman, during his ftay at Baffora, had purchafed a very curious mummy. As the box that contained it was rather too cumberfome for his travelling poll - chaife, being arrived at Auxerre> he fent it by the ftage-coach. The latter was fearched, according to cuftom, at the gates of Paris ; the wife officers broke open the box, and feeing a body blackened all over, gravely pronounced it to be the remains of a man baked in an oven ; the antique bandages came in fupport of their opinion, as they mif- took them for a fhirt half-burnt; and after a proper irjqueft, the fuppofed murdered was fent to the Morne, or bone-houfe, to be owned. Some hours after, the owner made his appear- ance to claim his property, which he fuppofed was detained at the office. On his firft requifi- tion, the wife men of Gotham looked at him with a mixture of amazement and horror -, feeing him fall into a downright paflion, one of the officers, more fenfible than the reft, approached and foftly whifpercd in the traveller's ear, that he had better hold his tongue, and fave his neck from the haher, by a timely flight. Unable PARIS IN MINIATURE, in Uunable to guefs at the meaning of fo un- expected an addrefs, the gentleman retired half mad with anger and difappointment, and di- rectly applied to the Lieutenant de Police. Af- ter having danced attendance for three days, he at lad obtained, from the grave magiftrate, a permit, in form, to take away from the bone- houfe the Egyptian prince, or princefs ; who, after having flept found for two thoufand years within the pyramid, was on the eve of receiving Chriftian burial. Nothing fo truly ridiculous as the fortunate few amongft thefe officers, who can boaft of three thoufand livres falary ; they give them- felves confequenual airs, and look down with the mod fupercilious contempt on the reft of their tribe. It is curious enough to fee them with a grace, peculiar to themfelves, turn up their ruffles, cut a pen, or mend a quill, and try it with as much precaution, as if the wel- fare of the ftate depended on their book of entrance. The pendulum of the clock deter- mines all their motions : they know to a mi- nute when they are to leave or return to their fifth (lory and fo do their wives. PHY- iizPARIS IN MINIATURE. PHYSICIANS. I acknowledge myfelf guilty of a very great injuftice, when, enumerating the plagues that infeft the poor Parifians, I forgot to mention the fons of EJculapius ; but I crave their pardon, and beg they will accept for apology the old adage, it is better late than never. Inftead of that gravity, which their profeflion feems to require, our doctors have all the ton, the airs and ridicules of that doubtful gender of beings, called petit-maitres They are in fact the frettiejl phyficians in all Europe. You will not find in them thofe ferious mortals, who, de- termined to ufe all their (kill to cure, or at lead to allay your diforder, fliew their difpleafure at your not following their prefcriptions. Our doctors know better manners, they talk of every thing but their art, and the patient's difeafe. "With fmile ineffable, a modern Efculapius - gloves a lily white hand, and after brandifhing before your eyes a mod fuperb brilliant, me- thodically turns up his point ruffle, feels your pulfe, with the beft grace, proclaims you found and healthy, never feeming to fufpect the lead danger, be the diforder what it may. Seated by the bed-fide of a dying man, he afiumes the chearfnl looks of hope : fpcaks a few words of comfort^ PARIS IN MINIATURE. 113 comfort, retires, and continues his getting hu- mour as he goes down the ftaircafe an hour after, the patient expires ! When a phyfician has difpatched half a fcore of plebeians, through ignorance or inattention, he is perfectly reconciled to the accident, and thinks no more about it. But if he has the misfortune of fending out of the world a man of rank and confequcnce, the poor wretch is in- confolable, and for a whole fortnight his deject- ed looks feem to implore the compaffion of every one he meets. A certain number of phyficians have divided the different walks of Paris, and the fick of the capital, amongft themfelves. When any of them has been guilty of fome great miftake in the manner of treating his patient, the moft profound fecret is kept by his brethren, who perhaps the next, if not the fame day, will (land in need of the like indulgence. Nay, fuch is their fraternal union, that they will let a man die rather than contradict the method purfued by their good brother And the pa- tient expires, furrounded by ten phyficians. They fee very well what fhould be done, if not to avert entirely, at leaft to flay for a while the deftruftive hand of death ; but the Efprit de corps, the killing deference they have for each other will not permit them to interfere, and they ii 4 PARIS IN MINIATURE. they tamely fuffer the firft of them that was called to follow his own ideas, and methodi- cally finifh a work he had fo wifely begun. Thofe very difcrete accomplices experience, in their turn, the fame regard and complai- fance. If they condefcend to apologize, they ground their plea upon the uncertainty of their art But if they are convinced of this truth, why do they continue the fame bloody track, without deviating either to the right or to the left ? Why are they fo tenacious of their old and execrable method, when they are confcious how deficient and dangerous it is ? The rea- fon is obvious, by throwing a thick impene- trable veil over their proceedings : they make ef their art a lucrative trade. The difference their pride has eftablifhed be- tween the writer of a prelcription and the man who is to mix it, (eems to me a great obftacle to the cure of a difeafe. They will not even take the trouble of analyfmg their drugs by the affiftance of chemiftry, and though they have hardly a fuperfkial knowledge of thofc com- pounds ; they boldly prefcribe thofe dreadful banes which come out of the apothecary's fhops So that the poor patient has, befides his diforder, two ^vils to contend with, the ralhnefs of the prefer Her, and the ignorance of the man who is to prepare the medicine. The PARIS IN MINIATURE. 115 The art of phyfic, therefore, now-a-chys is no more than a bold empirifm, which derives all its fame from our credulity. Its uncertain- ty is fully known to thofe who practice it : not- withftanding their confcioufnefs, they will not give it up, becaufe it brings money. Yet they are the firft, thefe worft of quacks, to run down quackery. If a man, pofTefled of a family me- dicine, which he even diftributes gratis, is fuc- cefsful in the cure of any diforder, he is direct- ly ftigmatifed by the faculty Ye bold afTaffins, for once open your eyes to the light of truth ! To ye we owe no falutary difcovery ; but to what ye are pleafed difdainfully to call em- pirifm, we are indebted for the bark, emetic, inoculation, &c. Do not miftake me, how- ever, as pleading the caufe of quacks ; but your ignorance makes it doubtful, which of the two profcfliens is moft hurtful to mankind. Shall we never behold the man of true know- ledge, who will with a bold but generous hand deftroy the altars of Efculapius^ where our mo- dern practitioners daily facrifice new victims, break the furgeon's lancet, fhut up thofe (hops where the apothecary retails his poifon ; who will, in fine, fubftitute a fure method to that phyfic, merely conjectural, which prevails a- mongft the members of the faculty. Oh, for that friend of mankind who will new model an art ii6 PARIS IN MINIATURE. art which now confifts in killing according to rule, and has ignorance and antiquated preju- dice for its iupporters. " A confummation de- voutly to be wifhed!" But now, courteous reader, let me lead you through the flreets of Paris. They are not very clean, but fuch as they are, they will furnifli matter of information, and that is all I want to give, or you can wifh to receive, A WALK, As I crofs the flreets of Paris, methinks I travel through the ruins of antiquity, every corner recalls to my memory the moft intereft- ing events of our national hiftory. I fhall not tire the reader by entering into a detail of every object,' but only fclecl fuch as I think moft worthy of being recorded. Obferve that noble and wide ftreet St. An- toine, this, under former reigns, was a turnip- field; here Henry II. was mortally wound- ed in a tournement, by Montgomery ; here alfo fell, by each others hand, the infamous minions of Henry III. and this fpot, now fo full of houfes and inhabitants, reminds me that, under Louis k Gros, the duties paid at the northern gate, yielded no more than twelve livres per annum, that is about four hun- dred, PARIS IN MINIATURE. 117 dred and eight of our prefent currency, and I fay to myfelf, Paris was then a fmall place, but its inhabitants, if fewer, were more happy, If my foot flips on the ftones, I immediately recolleft, that the ftreets were not paved before the year 1184, and that it was done on a plan propofed by a Financier, who was at the greateft part of the expence Thanks to the good man ! fuch another of his profeffion would not be found now-a-days, fearch the whole kingdom throughout. As I crofs the Place des Victoires, where ftands the ftatue of Louis XIV. a monument erected to national vanity, and a {landing record of kingly pride and popular adulation ; it occurs to my remembrance, that this was at one time the moft dangerous part of this capital. Thieves and murderers held here their aflemblies -, and even in the very face of day committed their de- predations on the pafiengers. Query. Could a better fpot be pitched upon for the purpofe of placing the effigy of that royal robber, born for the ruin of his fubjedh, and the difturbance of Europe ? who aim'd at univerfal monarchy ; facrificed the wealth and happinefs of a whole kingdom to purfue that empty lhadow; who lived a tyrant and died an idiot ? The Rue tFEnfer, or Hell-ftreet, was haunted fpme centuries ago by ghofts and fprites of all kinds. n8 PARIS IN MINIATURE. kinds. St. Louis, who was then on the throne, thought that the beft way to fend the devil back again to his dreary home, was to make a prefent of it to the Carthufian monks. He was right : and as one nail drives out another, no fooner did the holy friars take poiTcfiion of the premifes, than the infernal fpirics made room for their fuperiors* and ever fince that place yields to the convent a confiderable revenue, which amply repays them for the trouble taken by their predeceffbrs. Yet this very Rue d'Enfer is in much greater danger now, than ever it was from its former vifitors ; and the quarries, on which it is built, may, by undermining the houfesof the inhabitants, bring them into a jeopardy where the fkill of furgeons will be more effectual than all the Pater-nofters, ,holy water, and exorcifms of their fandified landlords. ]t was in the Rue Pctterie, that the firft play-houfe wasbuik. The regulation and police of the theatres was then within the department of the Attorney-general, and not as it is now, in the hands of ignorant or partial Lords of the Bedchamber , who at that time, when every one followed his own trade, made the King's bed, and had nothing elfe to do. At the Halles, or general market, Claries V. then only Dauphin, made a famous fpeech again It rles, furnamed the Mrfckievous, King pf Navarre < PARIS IN MINIATURE. 119 Navarre. But then every one had a right to judge for himfelf: and the former was hiffed and hooted from the huftingSj, fans ceremonie, be- caufe he had neither the good mien, the elo- quence, nor the folidity of reafoning of his anta- goriift. View now the Bute St. Rock, that little mount, not an hundred years ago, was full of wind-mills ; and fuch is the rage for building and extending the limits of the capital, already too large, that fome writers afcer me will, in all probability, have the fame remark to make on the hill now called Moni-Martre, or Martyr's- Mount. It was at the Bute St. Roch that the Maid of Orleans diftinguimed herfelf ; and was wounded at thefiege of Paris, then in the hands of the Englifh Would the latter had preferved it even to this day ! we could at leaft think and fpeak for ourfelves. RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE. Here dwells pe- dantifm, and if I may be allowed the expref- fion, learned ftupidity. This Univenlty en- joyed formerly the moft diftinguifhed privileges, fome of which are now grown obfolete, and only recorded in its archives. This body of men, who never did any fervice to the ftate but that of giving the plan for eftablifhing a port-office, was very tenacious of thole preroga- tives , at the lead appearance of erjcroachmeni: upon 120 PARIS IN MINIATURE, upon them, the Univerfity ordered its fchools to be fhur, no lectures then of divinity, no fer- mons, no teaching whatever could take place, until thefe mighty men were foothed into a better temper, and government was glad to make it up Now, they would be taken at their word and the better for that. It is not only extravagant, it is folly to extreme, to main- tain, at a large lalary, one hundred profeffors to teach What ? a little Latin, and the art of fophiftry : that is all their employment, whilft not one of the pupils, at his leaving the Uni- verfity, knows his mother-tongue, which thofe very pedagogues can neither fpeak nor write with propriety. There are ftill fome faint remains of the ancient power of that ufclefs body, but they confift in mere matter of form. When the rector, or head of the Univerfity, which by the by is ftiled the King's eldefl Daugther, and a fad trull me is, goes to Verfailles, the folding doors of the King's apartment are thrown open, and every three months he parades the flreets, in all the pomp and majefty of the Emperor of Genius and Farifian Intellects and this re- doubted monarch is, for the mod part, a pe- dant full of Latin and Greek, burfting at the thoughts of his aflumed importance for the reign of the ROLLINS is no more ! If the rec- tor PARIS IN MINIATURE. 121 tor dies in office, the Univerfity has the right to have his remains depofited at St. Denis, the burying-place of the Kings of France. But, humane reader, let me fly from the found of a bell that grates my ears, and ftrikes terror to my foul it is that of St. Germain I'Auxerrois. It rung the lignal of the maf- facre of St. Bartholomew -a. day that fhould be for ever blotted out from our annals But even all the waters of the ocean cannot waih off the bloody ftain Would you believe ir, reader ? a fanatic clergyman has dared, within thefe twenty years, to publifh a pamphlet in de- fence of that attrocious deed But, to the ho- nour of our laws and magiftracy be it faid, the parliament of Paris infiifted an exemplary punimment on the author, and his execrable apology was burnt, as the wretch ought to have been himielf, by the hands of the common exe- cutioner. As I pals through the Rue Trouffe Vaclce^ I cannot help fmiling, when I recoiled! that Car- dinal de Lorraine, at his return from the Coun- cil of Trentum, and preparing for a triumphal ^ntry in the capital, was let upon, in this very ftrcet, by Montmorency. The poor diftrelTed Cardinal, compelled to give way, ran into the back parlour of a tredefrruin,and from thence flew up flairs, and hid himfelf under the bed of an R old 122 PARIS IN MINIATURE. old woman, where he remained until night had difperfed his purfuers. Behold that well in the Rue Truandarie; I view it with a reverential awe. It was on its brink that the lovers of old plighted their faith to each other an oath more religioufly kept than that which we now take before the altars erected to the God of Truth in that golden age the parties meant what they faid, and we hardly know our own meaning. It is in the old Rue du Temple that the Duke of Burgundy fell, by the hands of his aflaffin the Duke of Orleans, only brother to Charles VI. who, though a mad-man and an idiot, was fuf- fered to continue on the throne and why not ? the race of fceptred fools did neither begin, nor end with that unfortunate prince. When I take a boat to crofs the water, at the quay Malaquaist.l am hardly pumed off from the more, when I recall to my mind, that two centuries ago, the great and good, but too amorous Henry IV. was in the fame fltuation. When entering into a converfation with the waterman, who knew not his fovereign in the perfon of a plain drefTed gentleman, unaccom- panied by any one What think you of the new peace (of Vervins)> honeft fellow ? faid Henry Think ! why I don't know, I derive no advantage from it. There be a load of taxes, PARIS IN MINIATURE. 123 taxes, and this here boat of mine, with which I can hardly get a livelihood, pays duty to the King. But doll not you think, that his majefty \vill lower thefe taxes ? Why, as to that there matter, the King is a good man enough, that he is, and God blifs him. But then, he has a miflrefs, who muft go fo fine, and have fb many trinkets, that we poor devils are obliged to pay for it yet I fhould not begrudge it, if To be that fhe belonged to him alone ; but, between you and I, me is an arrjnt jade, and has a fcore of lovers befides him. It was true enough, and Henry knew it. It is recorded, that, going to pay a vifit to one of his favourites, Belgrade, who was engaged with her, had hardly time to hide himfelf under the bed ; as he did it in a hurry, he could not fo well conceal himfelf, but that part of his cloaths remained in fight. The King took no notice, but having fet down to a cold collation, ready prepared, he took a cake, and flung it under the bed, faying : * f every body mull live." He never refented this affront, which a more inclement matter would have warned off in the blood of the rafh intruder What a pro- digious contrail we fee here between the man and the prince; how frail and contemptible the former, how great and magnanimous the lat- ter ! Thcfe are thy fports, O nature \-Henry R 2 was i2 4 PARIS IN MINIATURE. was born to be the weakeft of mortals, and the mod renowned fovereign. Turn your eyes towards that lofty building, it is the Academic Francoife, where, as faid the witty Pirron. There are forty members, who have as much learning as comes to the fhare of four men. This eftablifhment was fet on foot by Richelieu, whofe every undertaking conflant- ly tended to defpotifm ; nor has he, in this in- ilitution, deviated from this rule : for the Aca- demy is manifestly a monarchical ellabli foment. Men of letters have been enticed to the capital as the grandees, and for the fame purpofc, that is, to keep a better watch over them. The confequence is fatal to the progrefs of know- ledgc ? becaufe every writer being ambitious of a feat in that modern Areopagus, and knowing that his fuccefs depends on court-favour, does every thing to merit the latter, by facrificing to the goddefs of flattery, and preferring mean adulation that leads him to academical honours, to the more ufeful and manly employment of fettingup, as they mould, for the preceptors of mankind. Hence the Academic enjoys no manner of confideration, either at home or abroad ; Paris is the only place where it can fupport any kind of confequence ; though, even there, forely badgered by the wits of the capital, who, ex- pecting PARIS IN MINIATURE. 125 pecting neither favour nor fiiendlhip from that corps, point all their epigrammarical batteries againft their members ; there is but too much room for pleafantry, and keen farcafm. For is it not ridiculous to an extreme, that forty men, two-thirds of whom owe their admiffion to ca- bal, or vile fervility, ihould be by patent creat- ed arbiters of tafte and literature, and enjoy the exclufive privilege of judging for the reft of their countrymen ; but their principal function has been, to give currency, or flop the circu- lation of new coined words ; regulating the pro- nunciation, orthography, and idioms of the French language Is this a fcrvice or injury to the language itfelf ? I rather think the latter to be the cafe. The Academie Franccife may be looked upon as a partition wall that divides men and letters into two different claffes, who having conftantly in view the academical chair, which they look upon as the ne plus ultra of literary fame, it being the only way to penfions and preferment, inflead of becoming, as they ought to do, the oracles of the age and their nation, content themfelves with being the echos of that dread- ed tribunal , hence the abject ftate of literature in the capital. We have fome, however, who boldly thiak for themfelves, truft to the judg- ment of the public, and laugh at the award of the Academic. PARIS IN MINIATURE. Academe. Nothing can mark the contempt in which a few fpirited writers hold the decrees of the forty foreftallers of French wit and refine- ment, than the following epitaph, which the author above cited, the dread of Voltaire^ the icourge of witlings, Firron, ordered to be en- graved on his tomb-ftone : CY GIT PlRON OJTI NE FUT RIEN, PAS MEME ACADEMICIEN. THE SORBONNE. If the edifice, which we have juft paft by, is the feat of literary dcfpotifm, the Sorbonne may be called the throne of ignorance, fuperftition, and folly. This foundation is the work of an. obfcure prieft, whole name it retains, though af- terwards enlarged, beautified, and amply endowed by Cardinal Richelieu, who, as we have had oc- cafion to mention in the foregoing defcription, never formed an eltablilhment which did not tend, in fome meafure, to fupport his favourite plan of carrying arbitrary power beyond all bounds. "Whilft his politics made flaves of the fubjects, he fupported this kind of fpiritual in- quifition, in order to enthral their very minds. The Sorbonne was confulted on all occafions, and the decree of a few ignorant divines, refpected as the oracles of the Deity itfclf. Though it is obvious PARIS IN MINIATURE, 127 obvious that, what is called fcholaftic divinity, is the greatefl evil that the blind zeal of en- thufiafm could ever introduce in religious mat- ters, as it has only ferved to raife doubts amongft the fenfible part of mankind, and bind over the reft to fuperftition and fanaticifm. The Sorbonne, in ages of ignorance, muff have (hone in its brightcft luftre ; but in our en- lightened days it is become the object of con- tempt and ridicule, becaufe its members have ufurped the power of pronouncing, as umpires, on every fubjecl, either of politics, moral, reli- gion, and even phyfics : for it is not many years lince thofefages pronounced, ex cathedra, chat it was a fin to inoculate for the fmall-pox, nothing Ihort of hell flames, was denounced againft the operator, the encourager, and the patient ; all the world laughed at the awful fen fence, and inoculation daily acquired new partifans ; be- caufe, unfortunately for thofe clear fighted mor- tals, reafon, common fenfe, and experience were in this, as in mod of their decrees, in fa- vour of the other fide of the queftion. A work, containing all that has been faid and printed by the Sorbonne for three centuries back, would prove a very curious compilation. Ne- ver did ignorance, amongft the moft fuperftitious people, give more (Inking examples of folly and ridicule; becaufe this learned corps prefumed, 2 from 128 PARIS IN MINIATURE. from its very firTt inftitmion, to give the law t6 all other divines, as pretending to know more than all of them put together; and. by degrees, referring every art and fcience, and even hiftory, to religion, they took upon themfelves to pro- nounce on matters which were entirely foreign to their jurifdiction ; if any fhould be affigned to a let of impoftors who have princely falaries, and employ their leifure in deviling new means to fupporc their credit by mifleading the vulgar, and maintain their affumed importance by work- ing upon the credulity of the weaker part of mankind. The Mahometan doctors are far more rational than ours. The former give out that their great Prophet had publickly declared, that out of i2jOOO words contained in the Alcoran, one third only can be depended upon for truth ; fo that when any obfcure paiTage, or forrie inde- fenfible extravagancy occur, inftead of going to loggerheads about an explanation, or endeavour- ing to find out fenfe or meaning where there is neither, they fet it down amongft the 8,000 falfehoods, and thus decline entering into dif- putes, from which they never could extricate themfelves. By this means they wifely reject all contradictions and improbabilities, and never feek to humble or impofe upon human under- landing. Had PARIS IN MINIATURE. 129 Had the Sorbonnians acted with the fame judg- ment, they would not in their theological deli- rium have maintained opinions which, in former times, drew upon them a general hatred; nor would they now be as they are, the butt of ri- dicule, the mere bye word of every man who pre- ierves a angle grain of common fenfe But they mind very little what the world can fay, pro- vided they receive their ftipend quarterly. They may exclaim with the mifer in Horace : " He cares not for the world, who riots in plenty." COLLEGES. After having taken a furvey of the two pa- laces erected to pedantifm and folly, it is but juftice to fay fomcthing of the places where thofe great qualities are acquired. If we can yet boaft of fome men of letters and real genius, it is becaufe thefe, as the poets, owe every advantage they poflefs to nature, and not to art or education ; for no- thing is worfe calculated than our colleges to improve natural abilities, or advance the pro- grefs of fcience and literature. An hundred pedagogues are appointed, and well paid by government, to teach our youth the Greek and Latin tongues ; and after ten years fpent in the ufelefs purfuir, not an hundred out of one thou- S fand i 3 o PARIS IN MINIATURE. fand amongft them are perfect in either. It is not that I mean to reflect on the futility of thofe fcientific languages, I only blame the mif- taken notion of teaching them before the pupils have received the firft rudiments of their own tongue. This fhould be the primary object of their ftudy, and the former be acquired after- wards, as an acceflary accomplishment. Befides, if we confider this mode of educa- tion in a political line, we may well .wonder how it ever could be admitted in a monarchy. Its fubjects, from their infancy, are taught to admire thofe brave Romans, who, before they were enflaved by their tyrants, gave laws to the whole world, It cannot be diiputcd, that a profound ftudy of the Latin tongue gives a cer- tain relifli for republicanifm. It is no lefs cer- tain, that, after having heard of the fenate, of the freedom and majefty of the Roman people, rheir victories, of Csefar falling under the aveng- ing hands of indignant and oppreiTed liberty, of a Calo who would not furvive the overthrow of the conftitution, it is hard to find one's felf, after all, neither better nor worfe than a plain inhabitant of Paris, the fport of arbitrary power. Thus our youth are taught, in the earlier part of their life, a doctrine which it muft: be their firft ftudy afterwards to unlearn, and to* tally PARIS IN MINIATURE. 131 tally forget, as entirely incompatible with their advancement, happinefs, and fafety, nay their very being itfelf; or if they remember any thing of it, it will only ferve to embitter their miferies, by a painful comparifon. Yet it is an abfolute monarch who pays thofe profeflbrs, who gravely expound to his fubjec"ls the bold fpeeches of ancient orators againft the kingly power ; fo that a fenfible young man, juft come from the Univerfity, cannot help, at his firft feeing V erf allies ^ to recollect the immortal name of Brutus, and of all thofe fierce enemies ofdefpotifm. His ideas are confounded, either he is a fool by nature, and born to ilavery, or it muft be fome time before he can be recon- ciled to a country where there are neither tri- bunes nor decemvirs, fenators nor confuls. Thus this great fcholar has been learning ten or twelve years what it is his intereft to forget in as many hours. Much is faid by fome of our enthufiaftic countrymen of the numerous fchools, fuch as thofe of drawing, &c. founded by princely mu- nificence. But unprejudiced as I am, I will maintain, that thefe eftablifhments are more hurtful than ferviceable to the ftate and fub- jedts, as they tend to infpire a tafte for refine- ment, and the preference given to the agreeable over the ufeful arts. The tradefman will have S 2 his j 3 2 PARIS IN MINIATURE. his fon learn the former, and quit the profef- fion of the latter, in which he would prove of equal fervice to himfelf and to fociety But I will have my ion to become a painter, or a. fcholar Ralh prefuming fool, thy darling Ihall be neither ! Thofe drawing-fchools only mul- tiply the number, already countlefs, of ignorant dawbers, and from the colleges iflue that fwarm of fcribblers, who, having no other refource than their pen, and too well taught to ftoop to be ufeful, make the fenfible part of mankind al- moft lament, that the art of printing ever was difcovered. But let us here put an end to our walk , it would foon become dangerous I hear the fmack of a coachman's whip let us return in fafety, and examine at a diitance. You could not guefs where they are driving, preceded and followed by a numerous populace, fome of whom will pay dear for their curiofity. They are in their way to the Rue aux Ours, to give, in the eigh- teenth century, a fpedtacle worthy of the ages of barbarifm and ignorance. You mull be informed that every year, on the gd of July, the effigy of a Swifs is burnt, in the ftrcet above mentioned, becaufe on fuch a day and hour, fome centuries back, an im- pious Swifs, it is laid, mod facrilegioufly {tabbed an image of the Virgin Mary, when there ifiued forth PARIS IN MINIATURE. 133 from the wound a ftream of the pureft blood ! ! ! Nothing more ridiculous than this fooliih cuflom ; but it is of long {landing, and in religious matters this very circumftance is a recommendation. The effigy was formerly drefled in character, but the Swifs refented it as a national affront, and ever fince it is covered only with a kind of waggoner's frock. It confifls of a coloflus, made of wicker, laid on a man's moulder, who flops and makes the effigy bow before every madona he meets with on his way. A drum opens the march. The colofTus, which reaches as high as the firft floor, wears long ruffles, a large bag- wig, holding in his right hand a wooden dag- ger, painted red, and nothing is fo laughable as the different poftures into which it is thrown by the man who bears it. However ridiculous both the flory and cuf- tom may appear, fome of our moft folemn ce- remonies can boaft of no better foundation. Thus the Ste. Ampoule (or Oil-phial), is made ufe of to anoint our Kings. Yet is there a man of fenfe in the afTembly who can believe, that a dove brought it down from heaven, hanging up from her bill. No one is credulous enough to have any faith in the miraculous cure of the fcrofida y by the impofition of royal hands. Yet the phial will always remain in ufe, and our monarch* i 3 4 PARIS IN MINIATURE, monarchs will ever touch thofe who are affftcted with what is called the king's evil, and cure no patient. But fuperftition is the principal fup- porter of defpotifm, and wherever the latter prevails the former is encouraged. Look to the right, and fee the end of all pub- lic rejoicings in Paris, fee that fcore of unfor- tunate men ; fome of them with broken legs and arms, fome already dead, or expiring. Moil of them are parents of families, who by this ca- taftrophe muft be reduced to all the horrors of mifery. I had foretold this accident as the confequence of that file of coaches which paffed us before. The Police takes fo little notice of this kind of chance-medley, that if any thing can be wondered at, it is that fuch accidents, though but too frequent, are not ftill more nu- merous. The threatning wheel, that runs along with fuch rapidity, carries an obdurate 'man in power, who has not leifure, or indeed cares not to obferve, that the blood of his fel- !o\v-iubjecls is yet frelh on the Hones over which his magnificent chariot rattles fo fwiftly. They talk of a reformation, but when is it to take place ? All thofe who have any ftiare in the adminiilration keep carriages, and what care they for the pedeftrian traveller r JKAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU, in the year 1776, In- the road to MffafcMontant, was beat down by PARIS IN MINIATURE. 135 by a large Lapland dog, and remained on the fpot, whilft the matter, fecure in his berline, patTed him by with that ftoic indifference which amounts to favage barbarity. Roujfi&u, lame and bruifed, was taken up, and conducted to his houfe, by fome charitable peafants. The gentleman, or rather barbarian, hearing who was the perfon whom the dog had beat down, fent a fervant to know what he could do for him. " Tell him, faid Roujfeau, to chain his dog for the future ;" and dimifled the rnef_ fenger. When a coachman has crulhed or crippled any paffenger, he may be carried before a Com- miffaire, who gravely enquires, whether the ac- cident was occafioned by the fore-wheels or by the hind ones ? If one fhould die under the lat- ter, no pecuniary damage can be recovered by the heirs at law, becaufe the coachman is an- fwerable for the former, and even in this cafe there is a Police ftandard, by which he is judged in a fummary manner, fo much for arms and legs, the price is ready fettled. And we boaft of being a civilifed nation ! It is mere boaft indeed ; we may think fo, but no body elfe will believe it. T H E A- 136 PARIS IN MINIATURE. THEATRES. I mall fay nothing of the naftinefs that diftin- guifh thefe places of general refort, becaufe I would not wifh to injure the property of the comedians ; nor mall 1 inveigh againil the info- lence of the box-keepers, and other fervants of our theatres, as it would give to the world a bad opinion of the proprietors themfelves, to whom fome cenforious readers might apply the pro- verb, Like wafttr like man , and think it a truifm. I intend to confine myfelf to thofe points that more materially concern the fpedtator when he is once got in, and has the good fortune to pro- cure a clean feat. Firft, let us furvey the Pit. Here every body ftands. You will imagine that its inhabi- tants are the formidable umpires of tafte and dramatic productions; this may or may not be, juft as it fuits the caprice or convenience of the Police, or the Lords of the Bedchamber; who from making their matter's bed, as we have ob- ferved before, have raifed themfelves by degrees to judge of things which they hardly underftand- Hence an adtrefs is palmed upon the public : whether fhe is good or bad is not the queftion ; but whether fhe has had the good fortune to pleafe one or the whole of thofe gentlemen, and every PARIS IN MINIATURE. 137 every one knows what price flie has paid for her adtniffion. On the other hand, thofe mighty monarch* of the ftage have their Ladies of the Bedchamber j and a young handfome fellow, who is defirous to enlift in the train of Melpo- mene or Thalia, knows at what rate he can pur- chafe a commiffion. From this true ftate of the matter, let every one judge of the generality of French actors But to the Pit again : Not a play is reprefented here without a guard of thirty men, with a few rounds each, to quiet the fpeclators. This internal guard keeps* the frequenters of the Pit in a kind of pafiive con- dition ; and whether you are tired, crouded, or bruifed, beware of giving any fign of uneafinefs or difcontent. Yet that poor public pays to take, not what they wifh for, but what is given them. Sur- rounded with armed men., they muft neither laugh too loud at a comedy, nor exprefs their feelings at a tragedy in too pointed a manner. Hence the Pit, except in fome fits of a traa- fient eftervency, is mournfully dull ; if one offers to give any fign of his exigence he is collared by one of the guards, aad carried, -pro forma, be- fore a Commiflaire ; I fay for form fake, for every one in the play-houfe is under martial law ; the civil magistrate is only there to hear and approve of the fentence pafled upon the cul- T pritj i 3 8 PARIS IN MINIATURE. prit by the officer of the guard ; who, upon the report, feldom exact, but often groundlefs of the foldier, orders the accufed party to prifon ; and the Commiflaire, without enquiring into the merit of the charge, or fo much as daring to hint at the lead objection, figns the mittimus. PETITES LOGES. This is a modern refinement, or rather a pub- lic and very indecent nuifance, introduced to pleafe the humour of a few hundreds of our women sf fafhion. Thefe are held by fubfcrip- tion from year to year , nay, from mother to daughter, as part of her inheritance. Nothing could ever be devifed or better calculated to fa- vour the impertinent -pride and idlenefs of a firft rate actor, who being paid handlbmely by their fhare of the fubfcription, even before the beginning of the feafori, takes no trouble about getting up new parts, but folicits, under fome pretence or another, leave of abfcnce ; and receives annually near 18,000 livres from the inhabitants of the capital, whilft he is holding forth at Bruflels. Another objection againft thefe hired boxes is, that the comedians have conftantly refufed to admit the authors of new plays to a lhare in 'the fubfcription money ; and they are fo fenfible of PARIS IN MINIATURE. 139 of this advantage, that they are daily improving ic by throwing part of the pit into thofe kind of boxes. Whilft the public complains loudly of fuc.h encroachments on the liberty of the play-houfes, hear the apology fet up by our Belles : " What ! will you then, to oblige the canaille, compel me to hear out a whole play, when I am rich enough to fee only the laft fcene ? this is down-right ty- ranny, I proteft There is no Police in France now-a-days. Since I cannot have the come- dians to come to my own houfe, I will have the liberty to come in my plain difhabille, enjoy my arm-chair, receive the homage of my humble fuitors, and leave the place before I am tired; it would be monftrous to deprive me of all thefc indulgences, and positively encroach upon the prerogatives of wealth and ben-ton" A lady therefore, to be in faihion, muft have her petite-loge, her lap-dog, &c. but above all a man-puppy, who ftands, glafs in hand,' to tell her ladyfhip who comes in and goes out ; name the a&ors, &c. whilft the lady herfelf difplays a fan, which by a modern contrivance anfwers all the purpofe of an Opera-glafs, with this ad- vantage, that fhe may fee without being feen. Meanwhile the honeft citizen, who, like a taite- lefs plebeian, imagines that play-houfes are opened for entertainment, cannot get in for his T 2 money, 140 PARIS IN M'lNIATURt. money, becaufe part of the houfe is let by the year, though empty for the beft part of it, fo that he is obliged to put up, inftead of rational amufement, witty the low and indecent farces acted on the booth of the Boulevars. ACTORS. The comedians will always remain excommu- nicated till the king, parliament, and clergy think -proper to repeal the church anathema, de- nounced againft them. Such is the force of prejudice, or rather another proof of our na- tional inconfiftency. However, they had better laugh at the excommunication, than feek to have it repealed, or what would be a greater folly, buy it off, like their Italian comrades in this city, who have compounded with the Pope, and pay a certain fum annually to keep off the ecclefiaftical cenfure* The celebrated aclrefs, Mademoifelle Clairon, attempted once to bring the queftion before the tribunal of juftice, but the advocate, or counfel, who figned her brief for that purpofe, had his name {truck out of the lift, and by attempting to reconcile his client with the church, loft a com- fortable and lucrative fituation in life , to ftiew the world, however, how good he prefumed the caufe to be, he entered the carrier of the ftage, where PARIS IN MINIATURE. 141 -where he met with little or no fuccefs j fo that, betides the Pope's curfe, he was completely damned by the public. Some time after this, the .lady above men- tioned, encurred a cenfuremuch heavier than all the papal bolts, Ihe took fome offence, and fulkcd with the public. An actor or acTrefs, in this cafe, be the pretence or reafon what it may, is always wrong. The houfe being full, and the curtain drawn up, flie, on account of fome green-room difpute, refufed to make her appearance. The pit was now as outrageous as a French pit could be, and the actrefs, for that night, was fafely lodged in the prifon of Fort L'Eveque -, in order, as (lie thought, to be revenged of that impertinent public, and the Jaucy Lords of the Bedchamber who had con- fined her, ftie quitted the ftage, in the humble confidence that Ihe would be entreated to re- afiume the fcepter of Melpomene, which, it muft be owned, me fwayed with becoming dignity. In this, however, fhe was miftaken, and fhe had not left Paris three days, when fhe was en- tirely forgotten. ' Lewis XIV. was peculiarly nice in the choice of actors-, none could be admitted but thofe who had a noble prefence and elegant ftature ; but amongft the prefent race of players, there are but too few that can boaft of an impofiog appearance, i 4 2 PARIS IN MINIATURE. appearance. What idea can a foreigner con- ceive of our theatrical taile, when he fees little diminutive creatures attempt to reprefent the grandeft and mofl celebrated characters recorded in hiflory ? He cannot but harbour a very in- different opinion of our outward accomplifh- ments ; and his mere conjectures he palms after- wards as general truths upon his countrymen. Our performers daily decreafe in height and fize ; thofe who are of a fliort ftature, give the preference to fhorter ones, thinking that thefe will prove a foil to make them appear to better advantage ; and if this error prevails for one fingle generation, we (hall have none but Lilli- putians, who, by attempting to reprefent the heroes of ancient and modern times, will only be the caricatures of thofe great men. In order to apologize for thofe dwarfifh. tra- gedians, it may be urged, that Alexander was a little man. I would have admired him, and even with his head inclining on one fide, when he was in his tent, or leading his army on to victory and conqueft ; but now that he is dead, I -.vifh to fee him reprefcnted in a ftile that beft fuits the idea I entertain of a man whofe name has filled the world with wonder. The former perhaps might be more characterise, but na- ture fhould fometimes wear a mafk ; we like to fee her perfections^ not her faults. OPERA- PARIS IN MINIATURE. 143 OPERA-HOUSE. We have, or rather we bad, an Opera; not that I allude to the late conflagration which levelled to the ground the foperb and coftly edifice of the Palais Royal, hut take my mean- ing literally : -we bad once an Opera, for what is now called by that name, is merely a Play- huufe, that opens and (huts regularly twice a week, to no other purpofe than to keep up a mere appearance. Dancers .we have none j foreign gold is the load-ftone that attracts them all out of this country ; nor is it any wonder, for the bed performer in that line, who has an opportunity of jumping from a fcanty falary of three thoufand livres into a fortune of as many guineas, to (lay at home, muft be either a fool or a zealous patriot indeed All the world knows that we are neither. As for fingers, they are entirely out of the queftion ; and he certainly was a bold enter- prizing genius who firft thought, that our lan- guage was fufceptible of that kind .of mufic which is requifite to form an Opera ; the more fo that, by a ftrange contradiction, fuch a fyi- lable which ending in E mute is not pronounced in profe, muft be dwelt upon in poetry, and has a very harfh and guttural found. Thefe defefts 144 PARIS IN MINIATURE. defefts might, in fome refped, be atoned for, and the eye at leaft gratified by the difplay of the moft fuperb fcenery ; but the fame are fo often repeated, that the want of novelty, which alone could fupport this kind of entertainment, muft foon operate a revolution, and fave the millions that are to be laid out in rebuilding the Opera-houfe. It is not, however, that we want for good mufic, Ghck and Picini deferve the higheft praife. But as long as they cannot reform the language, and as long as the Eu Eu of an mute will continue to grate my ear; the Opera can never be a favourite place of re- fort for me. The balls given at this theatre are a moral evil, which loudly calls for redrefs, as it only ferves to increafe that licendoufnefs, or rather IN bertinifm, which reigns uncontrouled in this metropolis, where vice rides triumphant, whilft humble virtue dares not lift up her eyes, fure to encounter, on every fide, objects that muft mock her modefty. The opera ball is the refort of thofe half-modeft women, whofe wantonnefs, if I may be allowed the expreflion, is bafloful, and dares not yet break through all reftraints. Here, under the mafk, they meet and are met , fecure, under their difguife, they give full fcope to their vicious inclinations, becaufe indifferent as to guilt, they only ftand in dread of the public opinion, PARIS IN MINIATURE. 145 opinion, which the next day they take care to court by the beft difiembled hypocrify. In other countries, thefe noclurnal meetings are eftimated only in proportion as the mafks prove entertaining, here we judge of them by their number , the talk of the next day is not that fiich or fuch mafk was witty. and pleafing, but that the place was nwnftroujly crowded ; fo that a mafquerade is the very thing* if one is in danger of being flifled. In thefe balls, however, our predc-cefibrs gave themfelves up to mirth and jollity. It is no c fo now, and people are as referved in their con" verfation, as in any other public place where a man is almoft fure to find a fpy in every one he fpeaks to. One muft either talk nonfenfe, or be filent, and dulnefs, lead on by defpotifm, prefides in this as well as in other public places of diverfion. I have been prefent at a ball where there were not lefs than fifty foldiers, armed with horfe- piftols under their dominos, and fix rounds a- picce. Thiscircumftance was not publicly known until the next day. But it muft be owned, that this was a very ftrange kind of entertainment ! When a Carmc^ a Francifcan, or a Benedifline friar has been fo lucky as to efcape from his Cloyfter, and to enjoy the fight of the ball without being found out, he thinks himfeU greater than the U Pope ; 146 PARIS IN MINIATURE. Pope ; he does not know, perhaps, that tne Levitic order are the very pillars of the Opera- houfe on thofe nights, where they either come by appointment from fomc modejl wanton, or, like the roaring lion, feeking for prey. I will maintain, that two-thirds of the feductions, which are the confequence of thefe motley af- femblies, may be laid to the charge of the clergy; for in this particular they are not con- tent with mere tything. The only matter which is treated here with a kind of folemnity, and as a bufinefs of the firft importance, is a Quadrille-dance. The firfl time I faw it, I could hardly believe my eyes, as I had no thought that fuch a trifle ever could be attended with fo much pompoGty. But danc- ing is now-a-days looked upon more as a na- tional affair, than a mere amufement. Our moft celebrated milliners drefs up a doll, in all the fplendor of the reigning famion, it is fent as a pattern into foreign countries ; jufl fo our danc- ing or ballet-mafters fend the plan of a Ballet^ of a Country-dance, or a Quadrille^ to be performed fix hundred miles from the capital, and the let- ter that contains the precious information, is re- ceived with far more pleafure than the account of a victory by fea and land Indeed, reader, I blufh to own our national weaknefs, and how fuperficial we really are, but I am bound to PARIS IN MINIATURE. 147 to tell the truth, and I do not write a word be- yond it. The price is fix livres a-head, and for that money your ears are dunned by a mufic equally monotone and noify. If you have no amorous intrigue upon your hands, nor any rendezvous to the purpofe, you have no bufinefs here, un- lefs you delight in folkary dulnefs : as one-third at lead of the fpedtators come there only to have it in their power to fay : " I was at the ball laft night prodigious fine! the crowd was fuch, that I hardly efcaped being crufhed to death." OPERA GIRLS. A ftranger would hardly think that we are in reality the mod didred of all nations, when he fees the immenfe fums lavifhed in the pur- chafe of the fuperfluities for which an unbound- ed luxury is infatiably craving. The Opera- houfe is fupported at a mod extravagant ex- pence, for no other purpofe than apparently to favour the progrefs of effeminacy : betaufe the man forgetful of his dignity is more difpoff d to fubmit to paffive obedience, and is eafily en- flaved. Nothing has been fpared for the above poli- tical purpofe, and the art of the Opera-girls U 2, too i 4 8 PARIS IN MINIATURE. too well anfwers the views of government. They have devifed thofe wanton alluring pol- tures, which kindle dcfire in a youthful mind. The boldnefs of their looks, which ought to operate as a counterfpel, adds new feuel to the fire. The deluded youth pays, at the mod ex- ceflive rate, the firft ftep that leads him to ruin ; for, although fatiety and difguft is all the refult of venal love, yet he continues to fupport his Har- lot in all her extravagancies, becaufe it gives him the air of a man of fafhion, and he exhaufts a patrimony which his ungrateful miftrefs often (hares with her own footman, who is the fa- vourite, and even penfioned rival of the fool of quality. As foon as a young girl has found means to elope from under the parental wing, Che flies to the Opera, where, by a particular by-law, fhe is free from all controul on the part of her friends, and literally becomes public property. She foon finds a keeper; appears in the green-room, glittering with diamonds, and receives the ho- mage of her companions, who revere the new comer in proportion to the richnefs and bril- liancy of her drefs. There exifts amongft them a kind of diftinclion, and they are clafled ac- cording to their refpective opulence ; fo that the wealthiefl does not look as if Ihe carried on the fame trade with her fitters in iniquity. She receives PARIS IN MINIATURE. 149 receives a new aftrefa, or female dancer, with all the haughtinefs of confcious fuperiority, and afTumes with her tradefmen the air of a woman of quality. In her prefence the Police Minos 6t grins horrible a ghaftly fmile," and the cour- tier feems to forget his fclf-irnportance. Every morning her toilet is decked with fome new gifts, offered to that goddefs of the day, by her doating votaries. The river Paftolus glides along her houfe in a perpetual dream. A fim- plc fmile, a nod of protection, or the waving of her hand, turns a hundred heads, and makes her a world of new profelytes. THE HOURS OF THE DAY. The different hours of the day offer by turns the image of perpetual motion and ftagnating tranquillity, the fcene fhifts from one to the other in a conftant fucceffion, and nearly with- in the fame fpace of time. At feven o'clock all the gardeners, who have been to market, return to their marflies, be- ftriding their hacks, or affes, with empty bafkets. One is not troubled then by the ratling of coaches, nor meet with any body in the ftreets but clerks going to their refpective offices, with their heads drolled and profufely powdered, ac this unfafhionable time of the day. About 150 PARIS IN MINIATURE. About nine, the ftreets are crouded with a fwarm of barbers and hair-drefiers, holding iti one hand their curling-irons, in the other a ready dreffed perriwig, their cloaths bepowdered from top to bottom ; this is the livery of their pro- feflion, on which account they are by the popu- lace nicknamed Merlans (Whitings). At the fame time the coffee-houfe waiters carry break- fails to the inhabitants of ready furnifhed apart- ments, whilft our unexperienced centaures> fol- lowed by their footmen, gallop away towards the Boulevard to the great terror of the harm- lefs pafTenger, who is often the victim of their bad horfemanfhip. As the clock ftrikes ten, a fable cloud of lawyers, and other limbs of the law, in two dread-infpiring divifions march on towards the Palais and the Cbatelet y the judges to fleep, the pleaders to wafte their lungs, and the clients to lofe the belt or win the worft caufc, according to the humour in which the judge awakes from his ilumber. Nothing is to be met with, but men drefled in bands and black gowns, laden with bags full of briefs, rejoinders, &c. plaintiffs and defendants in full cry after them. At twelve, money and change brokers haften in crouds to the Bourfe, or Exchange, whilft the idlers lounge away towards the Palais Royal, (b fee, but much more to be fcen. The Fau- bourg PARIS IN MINIATURE. 151 vourg and ftreet of St. Honote, where dwell the Financiers and other men in place are, at this hour, filled with humble fuitors, who come to folicit for penfions or places. Thofe who make their heads and wits pay for the relief of their hungry ftomachs, prepare themfelves to refort under fome of thofe hofpi- table roofs, where genius in diftrefs is always fure to find a good table ; you may fee them fee off for fo commendable an expedition in the bed clrefs they could hire or purchafe, walking on tiptoe for fear of fplafhing their white (lockings, and treading as light as pofllble from one end of Paris to the other ; avoiding, with the greateft care, though not always with the defired fucctfs, the unmerciful approach of carriages, efpecially the hackney ones j as this is one of the mofl bufy hours of the day for thofe uncomfortable vehi- cles ; fuch is indeed the great demand for them, that the firft caller gets in at one door, and a fecond, fcaling on the other fide, fits himfelf down by the former, and then a formal appeal lies before the Qmmi$aw#) who determines the priority of right between the contending par- ties. An hour after the (Ireets are cleared. It is din- ner time A perfect calm fuccceds to the rattling florm of coaches, vinaigrettes, cabrioles, &c. .but this tranquillity is loon difturbed again. At I 5 2 PARIS IN MINIATURE. At a quarter pad five, Hell is in a manner broke loofe. Woe to him who is obliged to walk the (treets at that time, as they are blocked up by carriages croffing each other, and racing it towards the play-houfes and public walks. Peace and quiet return again ; and at feven in the evening all is filent, 33 if the whole city and its inhabitants were laid under the powerful fpell of fome enchanter. It is the moft danger- ous part of the evening in autumn, becaufe the Guef y or watch, is not yet fet, and many out- rages are committed about that time. At nine o'clock the charm is deftroyed, and the noife of carriages fluns once more your ears, and threatens the lives of the foot paflengers : it proclaims the return of idle opulence from a tragedy, which they did not feel ; or a comedy, which they would not underftand, becaufe it held up too faithful a mirror to their vices and folly. This is alfo the time when venal beauty ftalks abroad, when the devoted victims of debauchery, lip to their ancles in mud, purfue the pafTengers, and accoft them in a language fuitable to a mind loft to all feelings of decency and felf-efteem. This is tolerated under pretence that public in- continency is the beft preferver of private cha- flity ; that proflitution prevents violence, and that were it not for thefe votaries of promif- CUOU3 PARIS IN MINIATURE. 155 cuous love, the unruly pafiions of which hu- man frailty is heir to, would intice man, who on the chapter of women is a monfter, to fe- duce innocence. All this imy be true; never indeed were rapes Icfs known or talked of than in the prefent time, but whether this circum- fhnce may be adduced as an argument in fup- port of the toleration alluded to, or implies a reflection on womankind, is more than I dare attempt to determine. Meanwhile thefe fcandalous fcenes are acted clofe to the door of the honefl tradefman, whofc daughters are both ear and eye witneffes of what pafles under their very windows. The lan- guage and actions of thofe deluded wretches becomes a public lecture on the moft infamous debauchery, and that mind muft be ten times folded in Virtue's fteel that can efcape corrup- tion, and amidft the confufed and ear-grating vociferations of Harlots, perufe with attention and profit the Philofopher's Treaty on Cha- ftity. At eleven o'clock fuppers are nearly ended, the cofFee-houfe politicians, indigent fcribblers, ftarving garratecrs, Ihut out from their places of refort, are now on their way to their ready furnifhed apartments, if fuch a name can be given to a final I room, or rather hole on the fifth or fixth (lory, where all the moveables con- X fift I54PARIS IN MINIATURE. fift in a couple of broken chairs, a moft wretch- ed bed, and worfe bedding. The forlorn daugh- ters of proftitution give up their chace, or ftand clofe to the walls and in dark corners, left they Ihould be taken up by the Guet y or watch, who now beat their rounds : for the fupreme legi- flator of the Cvnartle, the formidable Lieu- tenant de Police has faid, " 'Till eleven at night thou mayeft revel in all manner of excefs, in- fult the paflengers, mew thyfclf the difgrace of thy fex and humanity, but after that hour, thou fhalt only be permitted to fin in private j" and in thefe matters that magistrate is the law and prophets. Between twelve and one, the fnoring tradef- man is roufed by the rattling noife of the coaches. Such is the contempt of the great for every thing that might in any refpect bring them to the (landard of other men, that what is night for thefe, is by the former turned into day, for none but the plebeian can be mean enough to fet with the fun and rife with that brilliant luminary, whofe firft chearing rays never were meant to irradiate any other being than the brutes, or what is flill lefs in the eyes of the great, the labouring part of mankind. Long before the break of day, ten thoufand countrymen and women arrive at the gates of Paris, with the provifions of fruit, pulfe, and flowers, PARIS IN MINIATURE, 155 flowers, and after having undergone a thorough fearch from the officers, are permitted to enter the city, and carry their ufcful loads to the HalleSj a place which is the mart for all the markets in Paris. And this is another amongft the many grievances that daily increafe the di- ftrds of the poor : as it favours only the fore- ftallers and retailers, who fell to the indigene the leavings of the rich, at a higher price than the latter purchafe at the firft hand. Every ne- ceflary of life is dearer by one-third to thofe who, not being able to procure at once a cer- tain quantity of provifions, are obliged to buy of the lowefl retailer, who has bought at the iecond hand what he fells by retail. Thus the lower fort of mechanics and journey- men pay for their wine, wood, butter, eggs, &c. at a far greater rate than the Duke of Orleans, or the Prince of Conde, and that great man, who enjoys three millions per annum, gets his pro- vifion much cheaper than the wretch who toils from morning to night to earn a fcanty fuften- ance. The former drinks the beft of wines at the fame price as the latter purchafes from the next public houfe an adulterated and noxious beverage. Salt, for inftance, that efiential article, which nature gives fo liberally, is retailed out at the extravagant rate of thirteen fous per pound. The X 2 retailers PARIS IN MINIATURE. retailers pay that price for it to the contractor, or fermier-general of that department. They are not permitted, it is true, to increafe the price, but then every body muft live, they therefore mix it with any thing that can add to the weight ; and I remember to have heard a little girl, in the innocence of her heart fay to a cuftomer, " That (he could not let her have any fait then, becaufe her mamma, who v/as then out, had not yet put into it the ufual quantity of afhes." This abufe is not only known and winked at, but in fome manner fup- portcd by government, who, by granting a li- cence to retail a fait, which they fell to the re- tailer at the very fame price that the latter is to fell it for, feem to give a tacit confent to thofe fraudulent practices. As to the wine, or rather baneful compounds fold under that denomination by the publicans, it is by far more fatal to the lower clafs of peo- ple, who drink the poifonous liquid. For no- thing is fo eafy as to adulterate the wine, cyder, and brandy. The retailer fhut up in his cellar, fccretly performs the hellifh mixture, and yet we have not an inftance of one of thefe wretches having been brought to the gallows, the juft reward of thofe murderous villains, more dan- gerous by far to mankind in general, than the mod notorious malefactors , A chy- PARIS IN MINIATURE. 157 : A chymift of great reputation has found out a liquid, by the ufe of which not only the adul- teration is completely detected, but effectually prevented, where it has not yet taken place. So valuable a difcovery entitles the author to the thanks of his fellow-citizens, and the particular attention of a fovereign, who has at heart the welfare and prefervation of his fubjects. But where is he to be found ? Upon repeated trials being made, it was proved to anfwer every re- quifite purpofe i the inventor was praifed, hi* difcovery much admired, but no more. Monf. DE JUSTAMOND, the ingenious chy- mift alluded to, had fome thoughts of offering it to fome perfons in England^ but it feems that there, as well as here, fecrets that have no other propriety than to ferve the nation without en- riching its rulers, are not thought worth atten- tion. I remember to have read, in a letter from London, that the method was propofed about eighteen months ago to a man in power, whofe anfwer was : " that government cared little a- bout the quality, provided the quantity export- ed brought a fufficient revenue to the Ex- chequer." Is this the anfwer of an Englifh- man ? Sacred humanity where haft thou fled ! But let us complete our journal. At fix in the morning, and until feven in the depth of winter j but by three hours earlier in the 158 PARIS IN MINIATURE. the fine feafon, the labourers and artificers quit their hard pillows, and return to their toils and fatigues alas ! after a day fpent in all manner of hard (hips, but foftened by the hopes of car- rying fome comforc to his unfortunate wife and children, he finds his little hovel inhabited by Grangers, his family turned out of doors, and his bed occupied by peribns unknown to him This is an enigma for the reader, if he is un- acquainted with our barbarous laws and cuftoms. In this cafe, let him perufe the following chapter. Its fubject may be called the Coup de Grace given by defpotifm to forlorn indi- gence. CAPITATION, or POLL-TAX. This tax, though not perhaps fo heavy and griev- ous as the tenths and the duties laid upon the en- trance of the commodities and even neceflaries of life, is far more cruel, as it is levelled at the perfon of the inhabitant. Thanks to the fertile ima- gination of thofe public leeches, called Finan- ciers; the Capitation^ whofe very name conveys the idea of fervitude, takes daily ftrides towards an arbitrary increafe, which would foon make of it a burthenfome impofition > were not the way opened to reclamation againfl this oppref- fion. The Prevot des Mardwnds, or Mayor of Paris, PARIS IN MINIATURE. 159 Paris, is judge in thefe matters, and will, if applied to in time, redrefs the grievance com- plained of; but will every Prevut des Marchands be as honeft as a CAUMARTIN ? The odds art againft it. If an inhabitant is backward in paying his Capitation, he is not proceeded againft in the common law, that is to fay, that his furniture and moveables are not directly feized upon and fold on the fpot, but he is put tinder martial law, and this alludes to the concluding words of the foregoing chapter. The collector, in the King's name, fends garrifon at free quarters in the houfe of the delinquent ; they will ileep in his bed, and humanely indulge him to lay on the boards. There are Capitations fo low as thirty fols ; but the King's brave troops will find their way to the mod wretched habitation, to exact the tribute from the induftrious but unfortunate parent of a large family, to whom government ought, in juftice and mercy, to allow fome trifle towards repairing an hovel opened to all the inclemency of the weather. Every fubject, not even excepting the Dau- phin himfelf, pays the Poll-tax ; the clergy however, with their ufual fineffe, and in the name of that Being whom they daily infult more than they fervc his caufe, have afked, and ob- tained, 160 PARIS IN MINIATURE. tained, to be free from a burthen which, amongft" others, they have charitably fhaken off from their own fhoulders " that it might lie heavier upon thofe of the people." Ever true to their own doctrine, but more fo to their intereft : " Their heaven they promife, but our earth they covet." Jean Jacques Rott/feait, who certainly was bet- ter than them all, having refufed to pay his Co* fitation^ by reafon that the city corporation, who were then managers of the Opera-houfe, owed him 60,000 livres, for his Devin du Village, was threatened' with a garri/on. When the re- ceiver having been timely informed, laid the important cafe before the Prevot and Aldermen in common council affemblcd, a motion was inftantly made, and by a great majority, the city Sanhedrin refolved generoujly, to forgive the author of Emile the three livres twelve fols capitation ; but not a word was fpoken of the 60,000 livres claimed by that great man. I can vouch to the truth of this fadt, as I was witnefs of the proceedings againft Roujfcau, and his obftinate refufal to comply. It was not for the fum itfelf, no man ever had a more fove- reign contempt for pecuniary concerns ; befides, the above quota is no more than the rate of a common maid-fervant, but he looked upon it as a piece of injustice, in which he would have thought PARIS IN MINIATURE. 161 thought himfelf an accomplice, had he paid the iniquitous demand. He ftriclly forbad his wife and friends to pay for him, under pain of incurring his difpleafure and indignation. It was in vain to remonttrate, that the King's gar- rifon in thefe cafes have no kind of regard for celebrated writers whoever they may be. Well, would he reply, let it be fo ; let them take pof- feffion of my room, and even the bed, I fhall go, fet myfclf down at the foot of a tree, and there wait quietly for death. He was a man capable of doing as he faid. Luckily the ma- giftrate found him out in time to prevent it- he lived then in an apartment, on the fifth ftory, in the Rue Platriere, not far from the Poft- office. CONCLUSION. Were I to continue the detail of our vices and follies, it would fwell this work to a couple of folios, and ferve no other purpofe than to expofe them, without efFecYmg any falutary al- teration amongft us. Our women would ftill remain what they are, coquetf, until thirty, nor would they give over their pretenfions to beauty and love, until they find that neither rouge nor cofmetics, laid ever fo artfully, can hide from the preying eye of a malicious world the au- thentic certificate of their age, deeply engraved Y on 162 PARIS IN MINIATURE. on their once admired faces, by the rude hand of all deftroying time, and that they can no longer pafs their fhrivelled rinkles for lovely dimples. In fhort, they would, as they do now, end in religious hypocrify, a life fpend in folly and diffipation. On the other hand, our men of quality would continue in their faihionable vices. The mid- dling flate, and our populace, in their ignorance, wretchednefs, and abfurdities ; and Paris re- main to the end of its exiftence, the dirtied, moft debauched, pooreft, and yet the moft ri- diculoufly proud and prefumptuous of all thf cities built fince the deduction of Babylon. VOILA PARIS ! QUE vous EN SEMBLE ? POST- POSTFACE. Quid rides ? Mutato nomine de te Fabula narratur. - OW I came by that fcrap of Latin, good reader, or whether I underftand it or not, is neither worth your while to enquire, nor mine to tell. I can however inform you what I mean by it, and that is, " A fool is often the fport of a greater fool than himfelf." You feem difpleafed ferene reader, I cannot help it, for I think the faying very applicable in the prefent cafe ; I mean to do more, I lhall prove it, and whether your fclf-pride allows it or not, I know confcience mutt, and that is enough for me. Placed at three hundred miles diftance, you have laughed at the folly of the Parifians, fo have I for ten years together on the very fpot. But at my return to London, I (hook my head and faid ' THIS is PARIS AGAIN!' The ftreets are cleaner and more commodious, I own it, but iliould the difference between the Englifli and French metropolis, between the abode of freedom and flavery, confift only in mere acceflaries and outward ornaments? Thediftinc- Y 2 tio 164 P O S T F A C E. tior, ought to exift between men and men. The Britons mould be known by a practice of all thofe virtues which become the Tons of liber- ty, and preferve unfullied their noble inhe- ritance, by continuing to be the terror and ad- miration, as they are objects of envy to all Eu- rope. But how low are the mighty fallen ! we are French in our very manner of eating Our women have firft caught the contagion : they live, they talk, they love a la Fran$oife-, and our men, to mow that Englifh genius, can im- prove upon every thing, arc become far more diflblute in their morals, more effeminate in their manner of living, and more extravagant in drefs , in fine, greater coxcombs than the moil finical Frenchman. Thus with their dancers, frifeurs, and iwpures, we have imported all the vices and follies of thofe modern Sybarites, without a grain of their virtues. I do not mean to caft a general reflection, and pafs fo heavy a cenfure on the whole nation Thanks to Heaven ! there are ftill fome men who are an honour to their country. May they continue in thofe principles, and remember, that there is not a being more contemptible and ridi- culous, than a Frenchified Englifliman. But as ] mean in this Poftface to draw a fhort parallel bt-twetn the two Capitals, let us examine the ;ul\ antages we have above our neighbours. One P O S T F A C E. One of the greateft grievances which the French groan under, arife from that fvvarm of government fpies, who furround them on all fides, introduce themfelves into their families, and betray their fecrets to a defpotic minifler. We have no fuch wretches, or if there are any, it is to watch the man in place; but this is only between minifter and minifter, the honeft man has nothing to dread from them. Yet are we not curfed with a greater evil ? We have in- formers, the word, the meaneft, the moft infa- mous herd of degraded mankind. The former, by catching at every word you utter, will per- haps bringupon you a temporary confinement. . The latter may endanger your life. Shame, e- ternal fhame upon that government, who encou- rages and rewards fuch wretches ! It is Sfylock's bond, fo much for a pound of human flefh. The French are deprived of the liberty of the prefs we enjoy it without controul But what is the ufe we makeot this our conftitutional pri- vilege ? Our newfpapcrs are turned to the word of purpofes our pamphleteers indulge their own fplcen, without confulting the general good they revile men in power, not to point out to them more eligible plans, but for the mere pur- fofc of treating them with the moft opprobioui language. I have read all the political reveries of our ftate reformers, on both fide of the qucilion, and i66 P O S T F A C E. and this leclure has convinced me, that we arc in temporal, what divines are, or at leaft have been, in religious matters, embroiling every thing, and confounding, as it were, confufion itfelf. What every rational being ought to under- ftantl by the liberty of the prefs, is the freedom of delivering his thoughts upon every object in which, as a member of fociety, he finds himfelf concerned ; to cenfure the mifconduct of the flatefmen, not to abufe them: For political pamphlets fhould be no more than an expoftulat- ing converfation between the fubjedt and the ruling powers fome good might then be done : but, in order to enforce argument, is it necefla- ry to rail at facred Majefty, and grofly infult the man in the minijler ? The Emperor has indulged his fubjects with the liberty of the prefs it was abufed as foon as granted. To prevent licentiouinefs, it was or- dered that no books on any fubjeft Ihould be publilhed, without the real name of the author. This regulation is wife, and no ways inimical to the liberty of the prefs j it only checks the ca- reer of thofe affafllns who fct upon you in the dark, and flab you in the tendered part. A well-meaning man finds fault where there is any, cells it to the world, and mould not be afraid to avow himfelf, fmce he is confcious of intending no harm, but on the contrary, of endeavouring to P-OSTFACE. 167 to do good. The cowardly abufive fcribbler ma? fly the light, becanfe he dreads it the honed man has no fuch fears about him. In France they complain of their criminal law Is ours better regulated ? I will not enter into a diffcrtation about the matter, ic would car- ry me too far : but let us fuppofe that we are fuperior to them in this refpect are they not fo to us in point of civil law, at leaft in what regards matters between debtor and creditor. I ftiudder when I think it is in the power of every villain to deprive a man, not only of his liberty, but even of his future profpect in life, by fwearing a falfe debt againft him : The unfortunate victim is taken up and imprifoned for want of bail, the real creditors take the alarm, twenty detainers arr lodged in an inftant, and the man is ruined. But he may try the caufe granted ; yet what avails it him, the plaintiff, who keeps out of the way or flies the country, is caft for non-appearance, and for your comfort, you have a counfel to fee, an attorney's bill to difcharge, and other ex- pences to defray. It is not long fince, a worthy and refpe&able tradefman of Coventry-ftreet, very active in profecuting fwindlers, was arrcfled for 1 100 1. at the fuit of one of thofe wretches a rafcal without hardly a Ihirt to his back, fwcars to a debt of nool. and is believed ! And why not ? the oath brings money to the perfon who tenders i6S POSTFACE. tenders it, and take it who lifts. In France, 2 debtor is fummoned to appear, has fufficient time allowed him, nor is he caft, but upon the authenticity of the vouchers produced againft him by the creditor. The French pay little or no poor's rates no wonder that their cities and towns mould be filled with beggars. But we are oppreffed with a very grievous tax to prevent the fame ill-con- venience ; yet I cannot walk the ftreets of Lon- don, without being fliocked at the fight of hu- man mifery, whilft the more fturdy beggars of both fexes follow to force an aim from the paf- fenger, or abufe him if he refufes it. But you will fay, there are good laws to prevent it; if fo, why are they not put in force ? You have laughed with me at the fuperm'tion and credulity of the populace and does not eve- ry Frenchman that comes over, find you far more weak and credulous than any of his coun- trymen ? Are you not conftantly the dupes of quacks of every denomination in politics, phy- fic, and even religion ? Are you not daily im- pofed upon by thofe French Refugees, who read, dance, cook, and draw teeth, and get more in a month, from your mifplaced genero- fity, than they could earn in half a (core of years on the Continent : where they would fuffer the firft-rate genius of this country to linger away his life P O S T F A C E. 169 life in wretchednefs and obfcurity ; whilft we Javifh thoufands upon their moft needy adv.en- turers. Then, reader, clap your hand to your bread, and anfwer the queftion : Who are the Fools ! The defcripdoo of a French phyfician has a little ruffied the gravity of your countenance fo much the better. Now dived him of that foppery which is inherent to every Frenchman, but would fit very aukwardly upon an Englidi Eculapius ; only examine the former as to his ignorance, you will think yourfelf perfectly at home ; the fame uncertainty in their art, the fame obftinacy in following their old beaten track, be the confequence what it may ; in fhort, the fame inveteracy againft quacks, and only differing from the latter, in that they are fo by patent. What the celebrated Chancellor Bacon reports as the irreuerend jeft of a Jew Phyfician, tho* perhaps his own, may be applied to the whole tribe ofMfdefin* Doflores : "Like bidiops they have the power of binding and loofing, and nothing more." You feem aftoniihed at the formidable army of venal beauties fcattered about Paris, to the num- ber of 40,000 effective women : Then you have not muftered the female forces of this capital, otherwife, exclufive of volunteers, you would think them a match at lead, and that in every Z refped 1/0 POSTFACE. refpeft of impudence and infamy. But here I drop the curtain. I could continue the comparifon further, but 3 am not writing a volume; befides, I am checked in my career by the Publilher, who is afraid left I fhould exceed certain bounds, which he knows to be the ne plus ultra of the expences which you wifh to be at for the purchafe of a book. And fuch amongft you, who fcruple not to pay twenty guineas for the capers of a French dancer, would not beftow fivefhillings to refcue the works of a Bacon from total oblivion well, then-, adieu ? Yet I will have the raft word, and tell you, that the London Cockney is as abfurd, as conceited, and as ridiculous, as the Badaud de Paris. -And fo faying, I leave you to your private meditation. From my Garret, April i ^th, 1752. FINIS. University of California SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY Return this material to the library from which it was borrowed. SfcLF QL NON-RENEWABLE SEP 8 DUE 2 WKpOM D UCLA AcQ&SS S iry&an < i630 University Box 95 1575 Angeles, 1990 \TE Rt^tiVED rRVICES Research Library 1-1575 A 000090913 5 *iiSS&SiwfX5Sa8(,j|j II egp^*Hj3SMtSE SuiX'-- V^^'^ES^' r v*fev^i^% BL ir'Crflk'*- ?t5t 9r*CS*A .^'ft- >*NtjLjkH A Tv- *3> \ V^L"V X, TT/T jt-* i y^K s xV*- - a* -* B -*^";_--t. ^-*~ -v x ***, J^&T'-CJ^'^ -"- sr*-iar< ' 3? IJ^^CwS^^fei^^^^^^* t^-wr^i^ -v ;V V*Sv ' : ^r^ ^*r%^^ '^ ^ ^^O *./ -aU L'Jfii^-w ii' J > 'iT''^^-fir'f'''^" 1 ?' l ir^if ' *i^. > ^P* -t^^iPw -^ v^*->- 'xr-tv w^v ^ ^^t^S^sv^sT^WJHO^v: sr~ ' ^: BWl^^^P^^ffl^K^K^CT