^m \¥A r ■/> v ^m ■ r: ■ m X /^3\. -^r>^\ (^ jj.^ -T' iSV THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD G:^^. 6ece^. / THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD BY CHARLES LEVER AUTHOR OF "CHARLES o'mALLEY" WITH ILLUSTRATIONS VOL. I. o, > » LONDON GEORGE ROUTLEDGE AND SONS The Broadway, Ludgate NEW YORK: 416, BROOME STREET ' 1 ' LONDON t WOODFALl AND KINDKB, PRINTERS, MiLroUD LAKE, BTIiA.M', W.C. * « • a • • • • • « « • t • c « « k « t * •.. • • • » ■ • • * • . • • 1 • • * I • • • • • • ••• • I ' • • ka •••«••■ PEE FACE. Although the faulty judgment of authors on their own -V productions has assumed something like the foi'ce of a ^ proverb, I am ready to incur the hazard of avowing that the present volume is, to my own thinking, better than TO anything else I have done. I am not about to defend its N numerous shortcomings and great faults. I will not say g one word in extenuation of a plan which, to many readers, forms an insuperable objection — that of a story in letters, I wish simply to record the fact that the book afforded me O much pleasure in the writing, and that I felt an amount ■5 of interest in the character of Kenny Dodd such as I have n never before nor since experienced for any personage of " my own creation. The reader who is at all acquainted with the incidents of foreign travel, and the strange individuals to be met with on every European highway, will readily acquit me of exaggeration either in describing the mistaken impres- sions conceived of continental life, or the difficulties of forming anything like a correct estimate of national habits by those whose own sphere of observation was so limited in their own country. In Kenny Dodd, I attempted to portray a man naturally acute and intelligent, sensible and well judging where his prejudices did not pervert his •-"J VI PREFACE. reason, and singularly quick to appreciate the ridicule of any absurd situation in which ho did not figure himself. To all the pretentious ambitions of his family — to their exauercrated sense of themselves and their station — to their inordinate desire to figure in a rank above their owa, and appear to bo something they had never hitherto attempted — I have made him keenly and sensitively alive. He Bces Mrs. Dodd's perils — there is not a sunk rock nor a shoal before her that he has not noted, and yet for the life of him he can't help booking himself for the voyage. There is an Irishman's love of drollery — that passion for whnt gives him a hearty laugh, even though he come in for his share of the ridicule, which repays him for every niisad venture. If he is niomeutarily elated by the high and distinguished compar.y in which he finds himself, so far from being shocked when he discovers them to be swindlers and blacklegs, he chuckles over the blunders of Mrs. D. and Mary Anno, and writes off to his friend Purcell a letter over which he laughs till his eyes rnu. Of those broad matters to which a man of good common sense can apply his faculties fairly, his opinions arc usually just and true ; he likes truth, he wants to see things as they are. Of everything conventional he is almost inva- riably in error, and it is this struggle that in a manner reflects the light and shade of his nature, showing him at one moment clear-headed and observant, and at the next absurdly mistaken and ignorant. It was in no spirit of sarcasm on my countrymen that I took an Irishman to represent these incongruities; nay, more, I will say, that iu the very liability to be so strongly impressed from without, lies much of that unselfishness PREFACE. Vii whicli forms that staple of the national character which so greatly recommends them to strangers. If I do not speak of the other characters of the book, it is because I feel that whatever humble merit the volume may possess, is ascribable to the truthfulness of this prin- cipal personage. It is less the Dodd family for which I would bespeak the reader's interest, than for the trials of Kenny Dodd himself, his thoughts and opinions. Finally, let me observe that this story has had the fortune to be better liked by my friends, and less valued by the public, than any other of my books. I wrote it, as I have said, with pleasure ; well satisfied should I be that any of my readei-s might peruse it with as much. It was planned and executed in a quiet little cottage in the Gulf of Spezia, something more than six years ago. I am again in the same happy spot ; and, as I turn over the pages, not altogether lost to some of the enjoyment they once afforded me in the writing, and even more than before anxious that I should not be alone in that sentiment. It is in vain, however, for an author to bespeak favour for that which comes not recommended by merits of its own ; and if Kenny Dodd finds no acceptance with you on his own account, it is hopeless to expect that he will be served by the introduction of so partial a friend as Your devoted servant, CHARLES LEVER. Marola, Gulf of Spezia, October 1, 1859. CONTENTS. LETTER I. rAGB To Mk. Thomas Pcrckll, of the Grange, Brufp ... 1 LETTER IL Mrs. Dodd to Mistress Mary Gallagher, at Dodsborough . 6 LETTER in. Miss Dodd to Miss Doolan, of Ballydoolan .... 10 LETTER IV. James Dodd to Robert Doolan, Esq., TRiNiir Colleqf, Dublin 17 LETTER V. Eknny Dodd to Thomas Pcrcell, Esq 27 LETTER VI. Miss Mary Anne Dodd to JIiss Doolan, of Ballydoolan . 41 LETTER VII. Mrs. Dodd to Mistress Mary Gallagher, Dodsborouqh, . 51 X C0NTENT3. LETTER VIII, rAr.K Eettt Cubb to Mrs. Sucsas O'Shea, TRirsT's IIocse, Eruff . 59 LETTER IX. Kessy Dodd to Thomas Pukcell, Esq C2 LETTER X. Carouse Doid to JIiss Cox, at JIiss Miscixc's AciDEiir, Black Kock, Ireland 80 LETTER XI. Mr. Dodd to Tnoii.\s PnRCELL, Esq., of the Grange, Bruff . 87 LETTER XII. Mrs. Dodd to Mistress Mary Gallagher, Dodsborough . 106 LETTER XIII. From K. I. Dudd to Thomas Pi/rcell, Esq., of the Gra.nob, Bruff 119 LETTER XIV. JjMEs Dodd to Robert Doolan, Esq., Trinity College, Dpblis 131 LETTER XV. Miss Dodd to Miss Doolan, of Ballydool.vn , . . .145 LETTER XVI. Kexny L Di'Dd to Tiiijmas Purcell, Esq., op the Grange, Briff U6 CONTENTS. XI LETTER XVII. PAGE Mrs. Dodd to Mistetcss Mary Gallagher, Dodsbokough . 172 LETTER XVIII. Mary Anne Dodd to Miss Doolan, of Balltdoolan . .182 LETTER XIX. Betty Cobb to Me3. Shusan O'Shea, Priest's House, Beuf? . 195 LETTER XX, James Dodd to Robert Doolan, Esq., Trinity College, Dublin 199 LETTER XXI. Mrs. Dodd to Mistress Mart Gallagher . . . .215 LETTER XXII. Kenny Dodd to Thomas Pprcell, Esq., of the Grange, Brufp 232 LETTER XXin. Mrs. Dodd to JIistress Mary Gallagher, DoDSEor.ouGH . . 257 LETTER XXIV. James Dodd to Robert Doolan, Esq., Trinity College, Dublin 267 LETTER XXV. Kenny Dodd to Thomas Purcell, Esq., of the Grange, Bruff 270 LETTER XXVL Mrs. Dodd to Mr. Purcell, of the Grange, Bruff , , 293 XU CONTENTS. LETTER XXVII. PAG> Mas. Dddp. to Miii. Mauy Gallag.iku, II'iusr.i:EEri:it, Dods- DORouoii 296 LETTER XXVIIL James Dodd to Robert Doolan, Esq., Trinity College, Dublin 307 LETTER XXIX. Caroline Dodd to Miss Cox, at Miss Minciso's Academy, Black Rock, Ireland 331 LETTER XXX. Miss Mary Anne Dodd to Miss Doolan, of Balltdoolan . 338 LETTER XXXI. Mary Anse Dodd to JIiss Doolan, ov Ballydoolah . .316 LETl'ER XXXn. James Dodd to Robert Doolan, Esq., Trinity College, Dublin 355 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. LETTER I. TO UK. THOMAS PURCELIi, OF TUE GRAKGE, BRUFF. H6tel des Bains, Ostend. Dear Tom, — Here we are at last — as tired and sea-sick a party as ever landed on the t^ame shore ! Tvvent3--eight liours of it, from the St, Katharine Docks, six of them bobbing opposite Margate in a fog — ringing a big bell all the time, and firing minute-guns, lest some thumping India- man or a homeward-bound Peninsular should run into us — and five more sailing up and down before Ostend, till it was safe to cross the bar, and enter the blackguard little harbour. The Phoenix — that was our boat — started the night before the Paul Jones mail-packet, and we only beat her by a neck after all! And this was a piece of Mrs. Dodd's economy: the P/^ce«/a; only charges " ten-and- six " for the first cabin ; but, what with the board for a day and night, boats to fetch you out, and boats to fetch you in, brandy-and-water against the sickness — much good it was ! — soda-water, stewards, and the devil knows what of broken crockery — James fell into the " cuddy," I think they call it, and smashed two dozen and three wine- glasses, the most of a blue tea-service, and a big tureen — the economy turned out a " delusion and a snare," as they gay in the House. It's over now, thank God ! and except TOL. I, B THE PODD I'AMILY ABROAD. Bomo bruises against the bulkheads and a touch of a jaundice, T'u r.othinj.'; the worse. Wc landed at nif,'ht, and were marched oil' in a gang to the Custom House. Such a time I ucver spent before ! for when they upset all our things bn the floor, there "was" no getting them into the trunks again : and so we made our way through the streets, with shawls, and mull's, and silk dresses all round us, like a set of play-actors. As for me, I carried a turban in one hand, and a fray of artificial flowers in the other, with a toque on my head and a bird-of-paradise feather in my mouth. James fell, crossing the plank, with three bran-new frocks and a bonnet of the girls', and a thing Mrs. D. calls a " visite" — egad, they made a visite of it, sure enough, and are likely to stay some time there, for they are under some five feet of black mud, that has lain there since before the memory of man. This wasn't the worst of it ; for Mrs. D., not seeing very well in the dark, gave one of the passport people a box on the ear that she meant for poor Paddy, and we were hauled up before the police, and made pay thirty francs for "insulting the authorities," with something written on our passport besides, describing my wife as a dangerous kind of woman, that ought to be looked after. Poor Mathews had a funny song, that ran, — *' If ever you travel, it mustn't seem queer That you sometimes get rubs that you uever get here." But, faith, it appears to me that we have fallen in with a most uncommon allowance of friction. Perhaps it's all for the best, and by a little roughing at first, we'll the sooner accustom ourselves to our new position. You know that I never thought much of this notion of coming abroad, but ^Irs. D. was full tf it, and gave mo neither peace nor ease till I consented. To be sure, if it only realizes the half of what she says, it's a good specu- lation — great economy — tip-top education for Tom and the girls — elegant society without expense — fine climate — and wine for the price of the bottles. I'm sorry to leave Dodsborough. I got into a way of living there that suited me; and even in the few days I spent in London, I was missing my morning's walk round the big turnip-field, LETTERS OP INTRODUCTION. 8 and my little gossip with Joe Moone. Poor Joe ! don't let him want while I'm away, and be sure to give him his turf ofl" our own bog. We won't be able to drain the Lough meadows this year, for we'll want every sixpence we can lay our hands on for the start. Mrs. D. says, '• 'Tis the way you begin abroad decides everything ;" and, faith, our opening, up to this, has not been too pros- perous. I thought we'd have got plenty of letters of recommen- dation for the Continent while we were in London ; but it is downright impossible to see people there. Vickers, our member, was never at home, and Lord Pummistone — I might besiege Downing Street from morning till night, and never get a sight of him ! I wrote as many as twenty letters, and it was only when I bethought me of saying that the Whigs never did anything except for people of the Grey, Elliott, or Dundas family, that he sent me five lines, with a kind of introduction to any of the envoys or plenipotentiaries I might meet abroad — a roving commis- sion after a dinner — sorrow more or less ! I believe, how- ever, that this is of no consequence : at least, a most agreeable man, one Ki-autb, the sub-consul at Mcelendrach, somewhere in Holland, and who came over in the same packet with us, tells me that people of condition, like us, find their place in the genteel society abroad as nat!irally as a man with moustaches goes to Leicester Squai-e. That seems a comfort, for, between me and you, the fighting and scrambling that goes on at home about icho we'll have, and who'll have us, makes life little better than an elec- tion shindy ! K. is a mighty nice man, and full of infor- mation. He appears to be rich, too, for Tom saw as many as thirteen gold watches in his room ; and he has chains, and pins, and brooches, without end. He was trying to per- suade us to spend the winter at Mcelendrach, where, besides a heavenly climate, there are such beautiful walks on the dykes, and elegant society! Mrs. D. doesn't like it, how- ever, for though we've been looking all the morning, we can't find the place on the map ; but that doesn't signify much, since even our post town of Kellyunaignabacklish is put down in the " Gazetteer" " a small village on the road to BruiF," and no mention whatever of the police station, B 2 4 THE DOUU FAMILY ABROAD. nor Ilannfipfin's school, nor tbo Pound. That's the way the blackguards make liooks no\v-a-days! Mary Anne is all for Brussels, and, aftorwards, Germany and the Rhine, but we can fix upon notiiing yet. Send me the letter of credit on Brussels in any case, for we'll stay there, to look about u?, a few weeks. If the two townlands cannot be kept out of the "Encumbered Estates," there's no help for it; but sure any of our friends would bid a trifle, and not see ihem knocked down at seven or eit^ht years' purchase. If Tullylicknaslatterley was drained, and the stones off it, and a good top dressing of lime for two years, you'd see as fine a crop of oats there as ever you'd wish ; and thero hasn't been an " outrage," as they call it, on the same land since they shot M'Shea, last September ; and when you consider the times, and the way winter set in early, this year, 'tis saying a good deal. I wish Prince Albert would take some of these farms, as they said he would. Never mind enclosing the town parks, we can't afford it just now ; but mind that you look after the preserves. If there's a cock shot in the boundary-wood, I'll turn out every mother's son of the barony. I was going to tell you about Nick Mahon's holding, but it's gone clean out of my head, for I was called away to the police-office to bail out Paddy Byrne, the dirty little spalpeen ; I wish I never took him from home. He saw a man running off with a yellow valise — this is his story — and thinking it was mine, he gave him chase ; he doubled and turned — now, under an omnibus, now, through a dark passage — till Paddy overtook him at last, and gave him a clippeen on the left ear, and a neat touch of the foot that sent him sprawling. This done, Paddy shouldered the spoil, and made for the inn ; but what d'ye think ? It turned out to be another man's trunk, and Paddy was taken up for the robbery; and what with the swearing of the police, Pat's yells, and Mrs. D.'s French, I have passed such a half-hour as I hope never to see again. Two " Naps." settled it all, however, and five francs to the brigadier, as well-dressed a chap as the Commander of the Forces at home; but foreigners, it seems, are the devil fcT bribery. Wlieu I told Pat I'd stop it out of his wages, he was for rushing out, and taking what he called the PADDY AND THE PORTMANTEAtT. 5 worth of his money out of the blackguard ; so that I had to lock him into my room, and there he is now, crying and screeching like mad. This will be my excuse for anything I may make in way of mistakes ; for, to say truth, my head is fairly moidered! As it is, we've lost a trunk; and when Mrs. D. discovers that it was the one containing all her new silk dresses, and a famous red velvet that was to take the shine out of the Tuileries, we'll have the devil to pay ! She's in a blessed humour besides, for she says she saw the brigadier wink at Mary Anne, and that it was a good kicking he deserved, instead of a five-franc piece ; and now she's turning on me in the vernacular, in which, I regret to say, her fluency has no impediment. I must now conclude, my dear Tom, for it's quite beyond me to remember more than that I am, as ever. Your sincere friend, Kenny I. Dodd. Betty Cobb insists upon being sent home ; this is more of it ! The journey will cost a ten-pound note, if Mrs. D. can't succeed in turning her off of it. I'm afraid the economy, at least, begins badly. TUi; DOL-D FAMILY ABROAD. LETTER IT. MnS. BODD TO MISTRESS MAKY GALLAOHKR, AT DOPSBOROTJOn. Hotel of the Baths, Ostend. Dear Molly, — This is the first blessed moment of quiet I've had since I quitted home ; and even now there's the table d'hote of sixty-two in the next room, and a brass band in the lobby, with, to be sure, tlie noisiest set of wretches as waiters ever I heard, shouting, screaming, knife-jingling, plate-crashing, and cork-drawing — till my head is fairly turned with tlie turmoil. The expense is cruel besides — eighteen francs a day for the rooms, although James sleeps in the "salon;" and if you saw the bed — his father swears it was a mignonette-box in one of the windows ! The eating is beautiful ; that must be allowed. Two soups, three fishes, five roast chickens, and a piece of veal, stewed with cherries ; a dish of chops with chicory, and a meat-pic garnished with cockscombs — you may be sure I didn't touch them ; after them there was a carp, with treacle, and a big plate of larks and robins, with eggs of the same, all round. Tiien came the heavy eating: a roast joint of beef, with a batter-pudding, and a turkey stuffed with chestnuts, ducks ditto with olives and onions, and a mushroom tart, made of gi-ated chickens and other condiments. As for the sweets, I don't remember the half of them, nor do I like to try; for poor dear James got a kind of surfeit, and was obliged to go to bed and have a doctor — a comjilaint, they tell me, mighty common among the English on first coming abroad. He was a nice man, and only charged five francs. I wi.sh you'd tell Peter Belton that ; for though we subscribe a pound a year to the dispensary, Mr. Peter thinks to get six shillings a visit every time he comes over to Dods- borough — a pleasant ride of eleven miles — and sure of Bomething to cat besides ; and, now that I think of it, A " DINER PArvTICULIER." 7 Molly, 'tis what's called the learned professions in Ire- land is eating us all up — the attorneys, the doctors, the parsons. Look at them abroad : Mr. Krauth, a remark- ably nice man, and a consul, told me last night, that for two-and-sixpence of our money you'd have the best advice, law or medical, the Continent aflTords, and even that same is a comfoi't ! The tabl^ d'hote is not without some drawbacks, how- ever, my dear Molly, for only yesterday I caught an officer, the Brigadier of the Gendarmerie they call him, throwing sly glances at Mary Anne across the table. I mentioned it to K. I., but like all fathers that were a little free and easy when young, he said, " Pooh ! nonsense, dear. 'Tis the way of foreigners ; you'll get used to it at last." We dined to-day in our own room ; and just to punish us, as I suppose, they gave us a scrag of mutton, and two blue- legged chickens; and by the bill before me — for I have it made up every day — I see "diner particulier " put down five francs a head, and the table d'hote is for two ! K. I. was in a i)lessed passion, and cursed my infernal prudery, as he called it. To be sure, I didn't know it was to cost us a matter of fifteen francs. And now he's gone ofi" to the cafe, and Mary Anne is crying in her own room, while Caroline is nursing James ; for, to tell you the truth, Betty Cobb is no earthly use to us ; and as for Paddy Byrne, 'tis bailing him out of the police-oflBce and paying fines for him we are, all day. We'll scarcely save much this first quarter, for what with travelling expenses and the loss of my trunk — I believe I told you that some villain carried away the yellow valise, with the black satin trimmed with blonde, and the peach-coloured " gros de Naples," and my two elegant ball-dresses, one covered with real Limerick lace — these losses, and the little contingencies of the road, will run away with most of our economies ; but if we live we learn, and we'll do better afterwards. I never expected it would be all pure gain, Molly ; but isn't it worth something to see life — to get one's children the polish and refinement of the Continent — to teach them foreign tongues with the real accent — to mix in the very highest circles, and learn all the ways of people of fashion ? 8 THE DODD FA:\IILY ADliOAD. Besides, Dodsboroii;^li was drculful ; K. I. was settling down to a common farmer, and, iu a year or two more, would never have asked any hijj^lier company tban Purccli and Father Maher ; as for James, he was always out with the greyhounds, or shooting, or something of the kind ; and lastly, yon saw yourself what wns going on between Peter Beltou and Mary Anne ! . . . She might have had the pride and decency to look higher than a Dispensary doctor. I told her that her mother's farniiy was M'Carthys, and, indeed, it was nothing but +he bad times ever made mo think of Kenny Dodd. Not that I don't think well of poor Peter, but sure it's hard to dress well, and keep three horses, and make a decent appearance on less than eighty pounds a year — not to talk of a wife at all I I hope you'll get Christy into the Police — they are just the same as the Hussars, and not so costly. Be sure that you send off the two trunks to Ostend with the first sailing- vessel from Limerick ; they'll only cost one-and-fourpence a cubic foot, whatever that is, and I believe they'll come just as speedy as by steam. I'm sorry for poor Nancy Doran ; she'll be a loss to us in the dairy ; but maybe she'll recover yet. How can you explain Brindled Judy not being in calf? I can scarce believe it yet. If it be true, however, you must sell her at the spring fair. Father Maher had a conceit out of her. Try if he is disposed to give ten pounds, or guineas — guineas if you can, Molly. There's no curing that rash in Caroline's face, and it's making her miserable. I've lost Peter's receipt ; and it was the only thing stopped the itching. Try and get a copy of it from him ; but say it's for Betty Cobb. I was interrupted, my dear Molly, by a visit from a young gentleman whose visiting card bears the name of Victor de Lancy, come to ask after James — a very nice piece of attention, considering that he only met us once at the table d'hote, lie and Mary Anne talked a great deal together : for, as he doesn't speak English, I could only smile and say, " We-we," occasionally. He's as anxious about James as if he was his brother, and wanted to sit up the night with him ; though what use would it be? for poor J. doesn't know a word of French, yet. ^lary Anne tells me that he's a count, and that his family was FOKEIGN MANNEllS. 9 very higli under tlie late King ; but it's dreadful to Lear him talk of Louis Philippe and the Orleans branch. He mentioned, too, that they set spies after him wherever he goes; and, indeed, Mary Anne saw a gendarme looking up at the window all the time he' was with us. He spent two hours and a half here ; and I must say, Molly, foreigners have a wonderful way of ingratiating themselves with one : we felt, when he was gone away, as if we knew him all our life. Don't pay any attention to Mat, but sell the fruit, and send me the money ; and as for Bandy Bob, what's the use of feeding him now we're away ? Take care that the advertisement about Dodsborough is in the Mail and the FacTcet every week: "A Residence fit for a nobleman or gentleman's family — most extensive out-offices, and two hundred acres of land, more if re- quired," ought to let easy ! To be sure, it's in Ireland, Molly, that's the worst of it. There isn't a little bit of a lodo-ing here on the sands, with rush-bottom chairs and a painted table, doesn't bring fifty francs a week ! I must conclude now, for it's nigh post-hour. Be sure you look after the trunks and the pony. Never mind sending the Limerick paper ; it costs three sous, and has never anything new. K. I. sees the Times at the rooms, and they give all the outrages just as well as the Irish papers. By the way, who was the Judkin Delaney that was killed at BrufF? Sure it isn't the little creature that collected the county-cess : it would be a disgrace if it was ; he wasn't five foot high ! Tell Father Maher to send me a few threatening lines for Betty Cobb ; 'tis nothing but the priest's word will keep her down. Your most affectionate friend, Jemima Dodd. 10 TUE DODD PAMILY A13U0AD. LETTER III. MISS I>ODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OS BALLTDOOLAIT. Hotel (le Bellevue, Brussels. Dfarest Kitty, — If anytliinej could divert the mind from sorrow — from the " grief that sears and scalds " — it would be the delightful existence of this charming city, where associations of the past and present pleasure divide atten- tion between them. We are stopping at the Bellevue, the great hotel of the upper town ; but my delight, my ecstasy, is the old city — the Grande Place, especially, with its curious architecture of mediajval taste, its high polished roofs, and carved architraves. I stood yesterday at the window where Count Egmont marched forth to thescafibld — I touched the chair where poor Horn sat for the last time, whilst his fainting wife fell powerless at his knees, and I thought — yes, dearest Kitty, I own it — I thought of that last dreadful parting in the summer-house with poor Peter. My tears are blotting out the words as I write them. Why — why, I ask, must we be wretched ? Why are we not free to face the humble destiny which more sordid spirits would shrink from ? What is there in nai-- row fortune, if the heart soars above it? Papa is, how- ever, more inexorable than ever; and as for mamma, she looks at me as though I were the disgrace of our name and lineage. Gary never did — never could understand me, poor child ! — may she never know what it is to sutler as I do ! But why do I distress you with my sorrows ? — " let me tune my harp to lighter lays," as that sweet poet, Hayncs Bailey, says. We were yesterday at the great ball of Gount Haegenstroem, the Danish Ambassador here. Papa received a large packet of letters of introduction on Monday last, from the Foreign Office. It would seem that Lord P. thought pa was a member, for he addressed him as M.P. ; but the mistake has been so far fortunate, that we arc invited on Tuesday to dine at Lord Gledworth's, MISS DODD ON SOCIETY IN BRUSSELS. 11 our ambassador here, and we have his box for to-night at the Opera — not to speak of last night's invitation, which came from him. I woi'e my amber gauze over the satin slip, with the " jonquilles " and white roses, two camellias in my hair, with mamma's coral chain twined through the roll at the back. Count Ambrose de Eoncy called me a "rose-cameo," and I believe I did look my best. I danced with "Prince Sierra d'Aguila ISTero," a Sicilian that ought to be King of Sicily, and will, they say, if the King of Naples dies without leaving seven sons. What a splendid man, Kitty ! not tall, rather the reverse ; but such eyes, and such a beard, and so perfumed! the very air around him was like the garden of Attarghul ! He spoke very little English, and could not bear to talk French ; he said the French betrayed " la sua carissima patria ;" and so, my dear Kitty, I did my best in the syllables of the sweet south. Jle, at least, called my accent " divina," and said that he would come and read Petrarch with me to-morrow. Don't let Peter be a fool when he hears this. The Prince is in a very different sj^here from poor Mary Anne ! he always dances with Queen Victoria when he's at Windsor, and called our Prince Consort " II suo diletto Alberto ; " and, more than all, he's married, but separated from the Princess. He told me this himself, and with what terrible emotion, Kitty ! I thought of Charles Kean in Claude Melnotte, as he spoke in a low guttural voice, with his hand on his bosom. It was very dreadful, but these tem- peraments, moulded alike by southern climes and ancient descent, are awful in their passionate vehemence. I assure you, it was a relief to me when he stopped one of the trays and took a pine-apple ice. I felt that it was a moment of peril passed in safety. Tou can form no notion, dearest, of the fascination of foreign manners — something there is BO gently insinuating, so captivating, so bewitching, and withal so natural, Kitty — that's the very strangest thing of all. There is absolutely nothing a foreigner cannot say to you. I almost blush as I think of what, I now know, must have been the veriest commonplace of society, but which to my ears, in all their untutored ignorance, sounded very odd. Mamma — and you know her prudeiy— is actually in 12 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. ecstasy with tlicm. The Prince said to inc last night, "Snvcz-vous, ^Mademoiselle ! ^ladamc votro mere est d'uncbuauteclassiquc?" and I assure you ma was delighted ■with the compliment, when she heard it. Papa is not so Iractiible : lie calls them the most atrocious names, and has all the old prejudices about the Continent that we see in the old farces. Gary is, however, worse again, and thinks their easy elegance is impertinence, and all the graceful charm of their manner nothing but — her own words— " egregious vanity." Shall I whisper you a bit of a secret H Well then, Kitty, the reason of this repugnance may be, that she makes no impression whatever, notwithstanding her beauty ; and there is no denying that she does not possess the gift — whatever it be — of fascination. She has, besides, a species of antipathy to everything foreign, that she makes no effort to disguise. A rather unfortunate acquaintance ma made, on board the steam-packet, with a certain Mr. Krautii, who called himself sub-consul of somewhere in Holland, but who turned out to be a Jew pedlar, has given Gary such an opportunity of inveighing against all foreigners, that she is positively unendurable. Tliis Krauth, I must say, was atrociously vulgar, and shockingly ugly; but, as he could talk some broken English, ma rather liked him, and we had him to tea; after which, he took James home to his lodgings, to show him some wonderful stuffed birds that he was bringing to the Royal Princesses. 1 have not patience to tell you all the narrative, but the end of it was, that poor dear James, having given all his pocket-money and his silver pencil- case for a tin musical snufl-box, that won't play Weber's last waltz, except in jerks like a hiccough, actually ex- changed two dozen of his new shirts for a box of Havannah cigars and a cigar-case with a picture of Fanny Elsslcr on it ! Papa was in a towering passion when he heard of it, and hastened off to K.'s lodgings ; but he had already decamped. This unhappy incident threw a shade over our last few days at Ostend ; for James never came down to dine, but sat in his own room smoking the atrocious cigars, and contemplating the portrait of the charming Fanny — pursuits which, 1 must say, seemed to have con- duced to a most melancholy and despondent frame of mind. AN ACCOMPLISHED COUNT. 13 There was another mesaventure, my dearest Kitty. My thanks to that sweet language for the word by which I characterize it! A certain Count Victor de Lancy, who made acquaintance with us at the table d'hote, and was presuming enough to visit us afterwards, turned out to be a common thief ! and who, though under the surveillance of the police, made away with ma's workbox, and her gold spectacles, putting on pa's paletot, and a new plaid belonging to James, as he passed out. It is very shockinor; but confess, dearest, what a land it must be, where the pedlars are insinuating, and the very pickpockets have all the ease and breeding of the best society. I assure you that I could not credit the guilt of M. de L., until the brigadier came yesterday to inquire about our losses, and take what he called his signalement. I thought, for a moment or two, that he had made a mistake, Kitty, and was come for mine ; for he looked into my ejes in such a wa}', and spoke so softly, that I began to blush ; and mamma, always on the watch, bridled up, and said, " Maiy Anne ! " in that voice you must so well remember ; and so it is, my dear friend, the thief and the constable, and I have no doubt, too, the judge, the jury, and the gaoler are all on the same beat ! I have just been called away to see such a love of a rose tunic, all glace, to be worn over a dull slate-coloured jupe, looped up at one side with white camellias and lilies of the valley. Think of me, Kitty, with my hair drawn back and slightly powdered, red heels to my shoes, and a great fan hanging to my side, like grave Aunt Susan in the picture, wanting nothing but the love-sick swain that plays the flageoletat her feet! — Madame Adele,themodiste, says, "not long to wait for a dozen such" — and this not for a fancy ball, dearest, but for a simple evening party — a " danceable tea," as papa will call it. I vow to you, Kitty, that it greatly detracts from the pictorial effect of this taste, to see how obstinately men will adhere to their present ungainly and ungraceful style of dress — that shocking solecism in costume, a narrow-tailed coat, and those more fearful outrages on shape and symmetry for which no name has been invented in any language. Now, the levelling effect of this black-coat system is terrific j 14 THE r>ODD FAMILY ACUOAU. and there is no distiiiffuisliing a man of real rank from his tailor: amongst English at least, for the crosses and decorations so frequent with foreigners are unknown to us. Talking of these, Kitty, the Prince of Aguila Nci-o is splendid. He wears nearly every bird and beast that Noah had in the ark, and a few others quite unknown to antediluvial zoology. These distinctions are sad reflections on the want of a chivalric feeling in our country ; and when we tliink of the heroic actions, the doughty deeds, and high achievements of these Paladins, we are forced to blush lor the spirit that condemns us to be a nation of shopkeepers. How I run on, dearest, from one topic to another I just as to my mind is presented the delightful succession of objects about me — objects of whose very existence I did not know till now ! And then to think of what a life of obscurity and darkness wc Avere condemned to, at home! — our neighbourhood, a priest, a miller, and those odious Davises ; our gaieties, a detestable dinner at the Grange ; our theatricals, " The Castle Spectre," performed in the coach-house ; and instead of those gorgeous and splendid ceremonials of our Church, so impressive, so soul-subduing, Kitty, the little dirty chapel at Bruff, with Larry Behan, the lame sacristan, hobbling about and thrashing the urchins with the handle of the extinguisher ! his muttered "If I was near yecz ! " breaking in on the "Oremus, Domine." Shall 1 own it, Kitty, there is a dreadful vul- gai'ity about our dear little circle of Dodsborough ; and " one demoralizes," as the French say, by the incessant appeal of low and too familiar associations. I have been again called away to interpret for papa, with the police. That graceless little wretch, Paddy Byrne, who was left behind by the train at Malines, went to eat his dinner at one of the small restaurants in the town, called the " Cheval Pie," and not finding the food to his satisfaction, got into some kind of an altercation with the ■waiter, when the name of the hostel coming up in the dispute, suggested to Paddy the horrid thought that it was the " Horse Pie-honse" he had chanced upon — an idea so revolting to his culinary prejudices that he smashed and broke everything before him, and was only subdued at last CONSTANT IN LOVE. 15 by a corporal's party of the gendarmerie, who handcufTed and conveyed him to Brussels ; and here he is, now, crying and calling himself a " poor boy that was dragged irom home," and, in fact, trying to persuade himself and all around him that he has been sold into slavery by a cruel master. Betty Cobb, too, has just joined the chorus, and is eloquently interweaving a little episode of Irish wrongs and sorrows into the tissue of Paddy's woes ! Betty is worse than him. There is nothing good enough for her to eat ; no bed to sleep upon ; she even finds the Belgians deficient in cleanliness. This, after BrufF, is a little too bad ; mamma, howevei', stands by her in every- tliiag, and in the end she will become intolerable. James intends to send a few lines to your brother Robert ; but if he should fail — not improbable, as writing, with him, combines the double difiiculties of orthography and manu- script — pray remember us kindly to him, and believe me ever, my dearest Kitty, Your heart-devoted Mary Anne Dodd. P. B. must not think of writing ; but you may tell him that I'm unchanged, unchangeable. The cold maxims of worldly prudence, the sordid calculations of worldly in- terests, affect me not. As Metastasio savs : "0, se ragione intende Suhito amor, non e." I know it — I feel it. There is what Balzac calls une perversiie divine in true affection, that teaches one to brave father, and mother, and brother, and this glorious senti- ment is the cradle of true martyrdom. May my heart cherish this noble grief, and never forget that if there is no struggle, there is no victory ! Do you remember Captain Morris, of the 25th, the little dark officer that came down to Bruff, after the burning of the Sheas ? I saw him yesterday, but, Kitty, how differ- ently he looked here in his passe blue frock, from his air in " our village ! " He wanted to bow, but I cut him dead. " No," thought I, " times are changed, and we with IG THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. tlicm ! " Caroline, who was walking bcliiiid mo with James, however, not only saluted, but spoke to him. IIo said, " I see your sister forgets me ; but I know how altered ill-health has made me. I am going to leave the service." He asked where we were stopping — a most un- necessary piece of aitcntion ; for after the altercation he had with pa on the Bench at Brutf, I think common delicacy might keep him from seeking us out. Try and persuade your papa to take you abroad, Kitty, if only for a summer ramble; believe me, there is no other refining process like it. If you only saw James already — you remember what a sloven he was — you'd not know him; bis hair so nicely divided and perfumed ; his gloves so accurately fitting ; his boots perfection in shape and polish ; and all the dearest little trinkets in the world — pistols and steam-carriages, death's - heads, ships and serpents — hanging from his watch-chain ; and as for the top of his cane, Kitty, it is paved with turquoise, and has a great opal in the middle. Where, how, and when, he got all this " elegance," I can't even guess, and I see it must be a secret, for neither pa nor ma have ever yet seen him en gala. I wish your brother Robert was with him. It would be such an advantage to him. I am certain Trinity College is all that you say of it ; but confess, Kitty, Dublin is terribly behind the world in all that regards civilization and " ton." 1? LETTER IV. JAMES DODi; TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIJf. Hotel de Bellevue, Brussels. Deah Bob, — Here we are, living anotlier kind of life from our old existence at Dodsborough ! We have capital quarters at the "Bellevue " — a fine hotel, excellent dinners, and, "what I think not inferior to either, a most obliging Jew money-changer hard by, who advances " moderate loans to respectable parties, on personal security " — a process in which I have already made some proficiency, and with considerable advantage to my outward man. The tailors are first-rate, and rig you out with gloves, boots, hat, even to your cane — they forget nothing. The hairdressers are also incomparable. I thought, at first, that capillary attraction was beyond me; but, to my agreeable surprise, I discover that I boast a very imposing cTievelure, and a bright promise of moustache which, as yet, is only faintly depicted by a dusky line on my upper lip. It's all nonsense to undervalue dress : I'm no more the same man in my dark-green paletot, trimmed with Astracan, thati was a month ago in my fustian shooting-jacket, than a well-plumed eagle is like a half-moulted turkey. There is an inseparable connection between your coat and your charac- ter ; and few things so react on the morality of a man as the cut of his trousers. Nothing more certainly tells me this than the feeling with which I enter any public place now, compared to what I experienced a few weeks back. It was then half shame, half swagger — a conflict between modesty and defiance. Now, it is the easy assurance of being " all right " — the conviction that my hat, my frock, my cravat, my vest, can stand the most critical examination ; and that if any one be impertinent enough to indulge in the inquiiy through his eye-glass, I have the equal privilege to return stare for stare, with, mayhap, an initiatory sneer into the YOL. I, 18 TUE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. bargain. By the way, tlie habit of looking unutterably fierce seems to bo the first lesson abroad. The passport- people, as you land — the oflScers of the Customs — the land- lord of your inn — the waiters — the railroad clerks, all "get up" a general air of sovereign contempt for everybody and eveiything, rather puzzling at first, but quite reassuring when you are trained to reciprocity. For the time, I rather ilatter myself to have learned the dodge well ; not but, I must confess to you, Bob, that my educa- tion is prosecuted under difficulties. During the whole ot the morning, I'm cither with the goveraor or my mother. Bight-seeing and house-hunting — now, seeking out a Ilubens, now, making an excursion into the market, and making exploratory researches into the prices of fish, fowl, and vegetables ; cheapening articles that we don't intend to buy — a process my mother looks upon as a moral exercise ; and climbing up " two-pair," to sec lodgings we have no intention to take ; all because, as she says, "we ought to know everything:" and really the spirit of inquiry that moves her will have its reward — not always, perhaps, without some drawbacks, as witness what happened to us on Tuesday. In our rambles along the Boulevard de Waterloo, we saw a smart-looking house, with an ajjiclie over the door — " A loucr," and, of course, mother and !Mary Anne at once stopped the carriage for an exploration. In we went, asked for the proprietor, and saw a small, rosy-cheeked little man, with a big wig, and a very inquiet, restless look in his eyes. " Could we see the house? Was it furnished ?" " Yes," to both ques- tions. " Were there stables ? " " Capital room for four horses ; good water — two kinds, and both excellent." Upstairs wo toiled, through one salon into another — now losing ourselves in dark passages, now, coming abruptly to unlockable doors — everlastingly coming back to the spot we had just left, and conceiving the grandest notions of the number of rooms, from the man- ner of our own perambulations. Of course you know the invariable incidents of this tiresome process, where the owner is always trying to open impracticable windows, and the visitors will rush into inscrutable places, in despite of all advice and admonition. Our voyage of A HOUSE-INSPECTING MANIA. 19 discovery was like all preceding ones ; aud we looked down well-staircases and np into skylights — snuffed for possible smells, and suggested imaginary smoke, in every room we saw. While we were thus busily criticizing the domicile, its owner, it would seem, was as actively engaged in an examination of tis, and apparently with a less satis- factory result, for he broke in upon one of our consulta- tions by a friendly " No, no, ladies ; it won't do — it won't do at all. This house would never suit;" and while my mother stared, and Mary Anne opened wide her eyes in astonishment, he went on, " We're only losing time, ladies ; both your time and mine will be wasted. This is not the house for yo«." " I beg to obseiwe, sir, that I think it is," interposed my mother, who, with a very womanly feeling, took a prodigious fancy to the place the moment she discovered there was a difficulty about it. The owner, however, was to the full as decided; and, in fact, hurried us out of the rooms, downstairs, and into the street, with a degree of haste savouring far more of impatience than politeness. I rather was disposed to laugh at the little man's energetic rejection of us ; but my mother's rage rendered any " mirthful demonstration inopportune," as the French would say ; and so I only exchanged glances with Mary Anne, wlaile our eloquent parent abused the "little wretch" to her heart's content. Althouo-h the circumstance was amply discussed by us that evening, we had well-nigh forgotten it in the morning, when, to our astonishment, our little friend of the Boulevard sent in his name, " Mr. Cherry," with a request to see papa. My mother was for seeing him herself ; but this amend- ment was rejected, and the original motion carried. After about five minutes' interview, we were alarmed by a sudden noise and violent cries ; and on rushing from the drawing-room, I just caught sight of Mr. Cherry making a flying leap down the first half of the staircase, while my father's up-lifted foot stood forth to evidence what had proved the " vis a tergo." His performance of the next flight was less artistic, for he rolled from top to bottom, when, by an almost preternatural efi'ort, he made his escape into the street. The governor's passion made all inquiries perilous for some minutes ; in fact, this attempt C 2 20 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. fo niako " Chcrry-buuncc," as Gary called it, seemed to liavc got into his head, ibi' he stormed hkc a madman. At Last the causa leJli came out to be, that tliis unhappy !Mr. Cherry liad come with an apolop^y for his strange conduct the day before — b}' what think you ? By his liaving mistaken my mother and sister for what slang people call "a case of perhaps" — a blunder which cer- tainly was not to be remedied by the avowal of it. So at least thought my father, for he cut short the apology and the explanation at once, ejecting Mr. Cherry by a more summary process than is recognized in the law-courts. ^ly mother had hardly dried up her tears in crying, and I mine in laughing over this strange incident, when there came an emissary of the gendarinerie to arrest the gover- nor for a violent assault, Avith intent, &c. &e., and it is only by the intervention of our Minister here that bail has been accepted ; my father being bound to appear before the " Court of Correctional Police " on ^londay next. If we remain much longer here, we are likely to learn some- thing of the laws, at least in a way which people assure you is always most indelible — practically. If we continue as we have commenced, a little management on the part of the lawyers, and a natural desire on the part of my father to obtain justice, may pi'olong our legal affairs far into the spring ; so that we may possibly not leave this for some months to come, which, with the aid of my friend, Lazarus Simrock, may be made pleasurable and profitable. It's all very well to talk about " learning French, seeing galleries and studying works of art," my dear Bob, but where's the time ? — that's the question. My mother and the girls poach my entire morning. It's the rarest thing in the world for me to get free of them before five o'clock ; and then I have just time to dash down to the club, and have a " shy " at the ecarte before dinner. Smart play it is, sometimes seventy, ay, a hun- dred Naps, on a game ; and such players, too ! — fellows that sit for ten minutes with a card on their knee, study- ing your face, watching every line and lineament of your features, and reading you, by Jove — reading you like a book. All the false air of ease and indifference, all the THE HEKO OF OSTROLENCA. 21 brag assurance you may get up to conceal a " bad hand," isn't worth sixpence. They laugh at your puerile efforts, and tell you, " you are voled " before you've played a card. We hear so much about genius and talent, and all that kind of thing, at home, and you, I have no doubt, are full of the high abilities of some fellowship or medallist man of Trinity; but give one the deep penetration, the intense powers of calculation, the thorough insight into human nature, of some of the fellows I see here ; and for success in life, I'll back them against all your conic section and X plus y geniuses, and all the double first classes that ever breathed. There's a splendid fellow here, a Pole, called Koratinsky; he commanded the cavalry at Ostro- lenca, and, it is said, rode down the Russian Guard, and sabred the Imperial Cuirassiers to a man. He's the first ecarte and piquet player in Europe, and equal to Desha- pelles at whist. Though he is very distant and cold iu his manner to strangers, he has been most kind and good-natured to me ; has given me some capital advice, too, and warned me against several of the fellows that frequent the club. He tells me that he detests and abhors play, but resorts to it as a distraction. " Que voulez- vous? " said he to me the other day ; " when a man who calls himself Ladislaus Koratinsky, who has the blood of three monarchs in his veins, who has twice touched the crown of his native land, sees himself an exile and a ' proscrit,' it is only in the momentary excitement of the gaming-table he can find a passing relief for crushing and withering recollections." He could be in all the highest circles here. The greatest among the nobles are constantly begging and entreating him to come to their houses, but he sternly I'efuses. " Let me know one family," says he, " one domestic circle, whei'e I can go uninvited, when I will — where I can repose my confidence, tell my sorrows, and speak of my poor country ; give me one such, and I ask for no more ; but as for dukes and grand seigneurs, princesses and duchesses, I've had but too much of them." I assure you, Bob, it's like a page out of some old story of chivalry to listen to him. The splendid sentiments, the glorious conceptions, and the great plans he has for the rejeneratioft of Europe ; and how he 22 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. alihors tlio Emperor of Russia ! " It's a ' duel a mort cntro Kicliolas et moi,' " said ho to mo yesterday. " The terms of the conflict were sigucd on the field of Ostrolenca ; for the present the victory is his, but there is a time coming!" I have been trying all manner of schemes to have him invited to dine witli us. Mother and Mary Anne are with me, heart and hand ; but the governor's late mischances have soured him against all foreigners, and I must bido my time. I feel, however, when my father sees him, he'll be delighted witli him ; and then ho could be invaluable to us in the way of introductions, for he knows every crowned head and prince on the Continent. After dinner, pretending to take an evening lesson in French, I'm off to the Opera. I belong to an omnibus- box — all the fast fellows here — such splendid dressers. Bob, and each coming in his brougham. I'm deuccdly ashamed that I've nothing but a cabriolet, which I hire from my friend Lazarus at twelve pounds a month. They quiz me tremendously about my " rococo" taste in equi- page, but I turn off the joke by telling them that I'm expecting my cattle and my " traps" from London next week. Lazarus promises me that I shall have a splendid " Malibran " from Hobson, and two greys over by the Antwerp packet, if I give him a bill for the price, at three months ; and that he'll keep them for me at his stables till I'm quite ready to pay. Stickler, the other job-master here, wanted the governor's name on the bills, and behaved like a scoundrel, threatening to tell my father all about it. It cost me a " ten-pounder" to stop him. After the theatre Ave adjourn to Dubos's to supper, and I can give you no idea, Bob, of what a thing that supper is ! I remember when we used to fancy it was rather a grand affair to finish our evening at Jude's or Hayes's, with a vulgar set-out of mutton-chops, spatchcocks, and devilled kidneys, washed down with that filthy potation called punch. I shudder at the vile abomination of the whole when I think of our delicate lobster en maijonnaise, or crouton aux frrijles, red partridges in Rhine wine, and maraschino jelly, with Meet frappe to perfection. Wo generally invite some of the " corps," who abound in conversational ability, and are full of the pleasant gossip LIFE ON THE CONTINENT, 23 of the stage. There is Madlle. Leonine, too, in the ballet, the loveliest creature ever was seeu.^ They say Count Maerlens, aide-de-camp of the King, is privately married to her, but that she v/on't leave the boards till she has saved a million — but whether of francs or pounds, I don't remember. When our supper is concluded it is generally about four o'clock, and then we go to D'Arlaen's rooms, where we play chicken-hazard till our various houses are accessible. I'm not much up to this as yet ; my forte is ecarte, at which I am the terror of these fellows ; and when the races come on next month, I think my knowledge of horseflesh Avill teach them & thing or two. I have already a third share in a splendid horse called Number ISTip, bred out of Barnabas by a Middleton mare ; he's engaged for the Lacken Cnp and the Salle Sweepstakes, and I'm backing him even against the field for everything I can get. If you'd like to net a fifty without risk, say so before.the tenth, and I'll do it for you. So that you see, Bob, without De Porquet's Grammar and " Ollendorff's Method," my time is tolerably full. In fact, if the day had forty-eight hours, I have something to fill every one of them. There would be nothing but pleasure in this life, but for certain drawbacks, the worst of which is, that I am not alone here. You have no idea. Bob, to what subter- fuges I'm reduced, to keep my family out of sight of my grand acquaintances. Sometimes I call the governor my guardian ; sometimes an uncle, so rich that I am forced to put up with all his whims and caprices. Egad ! it went so far, t'other day, that I had to listen to a quizzing account of my aunt's costume at a concert, and hear my mother shown up as a precieiise ridicule of the first water. There's no keeping them out of public places, too ; and how they know of all the various processions, Te Deums, and the like, I cannot even guess. My own metamorphosis is so complete that I have cut them twice dead, in the Park ; and no later than last night, I nearly ran over my father in the Allee Verte with my tandem leader, and heard the whole story this morning at breakfast, with the comfort- ing assurance that " he'd know the puppy again, and will 24 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. break every bone in Ins body if he catches him." In consequence of -which threat, I liave given orders for a new beard and moustache of tlic Royal Albert hue, instead of black, which I have worn heretofore. I must own, though, it is rather a bore to stand quietly by and see fellows larking your sister; but JMary Anne is perfectly incorrigible, notwitlistanding all I have said to her. Gary's safety lies in hating the Continent and all foreign- ers, and that is just as absurd. The governor, it secmr', is perpetually writing to Vickers, our member, about something for me. Now, I sincerely hope that he may not succeed ; for I own to you, that I do not anticipate as much pleasure and amuse- ment from either a "snug bcrtli in the Customs" or a colonial situation ; and after all. Bob, why should 1 be reduced to accept of either ? Our estate is a good one, and if a little encumbered or so, wh}^ we're not worse off than our neighbours. If I must do something, I'd rather go into a Light Cavalry Regiment — such as the Eleventh, or the Seventeenth, than anything else. I say this to you, because your Uncle Purcell is bent on his own plans for me, which would be nothing short of utter degradation ; and if there's anything low-bred and vulgar on earth, it's what they call a " Profession." You know the old adage about leading a horse to the water; now I frankly declare to you that twenty shall not make me drink any of the springs of this knowledge, whether Law, Medicine, or Divinity lie at the bottom of the well. It does not require any great tact or foresight to per- ceive that not a man of my " set" would ever know me again under such circumstances. I have heard their opinions often enough on these matters not to be mis- taken ; and whatever we may think in Ireland about our doctor.s and barristers, they are what Yankees call " mighty small potatoes" abroad. Lord George Tiverton said to me last night, " Why doesn't your governor put you into ' the House ?' You'd make a devilish good figure there." And the notion has never left me since. Lord George himself is Member for Hornby, but he never attends the sittings, and only goes into Parliament as a means of getting leave from his regi- A GKAND FINISH. 25 ment, Tliey say Le's the " fastest " fellow in tlie service ; he has already run through seventeen thousand a year, and one hundred and twenty thousand of his wife's for- tune. They are separated now, and he has something like twelve hundred a year to live on ; just enough for cigars and brandy-and-water, he calls it. He's the best tempered fellow I ever saw, and laughs and jokes about his own misfortunes as freely as possible. He knows the world — and he's not yet five-and-twenty — perhaps better than any man I ever saw. There is not a bill-discounter, not a betting-man, nor a ballet-dancer, he is not acquainted with ; and such amusing stories as he tells of his London life and experiences. AVhen he found that he had run through everything — when all his horses were seized at Ascot, and his house taken in execution in London, he gave a splendid fete at Hornby, and invited upwards of sixty people down there, and half the county to meet them. "I resolved," said he, "on a grand finish; and I assure you that the company did not enjoy themselves the less heartily because every second fellow in my livery was a sheriff's officer, and that all the forks and spoons on the table were under seizure. There was a ' caption,' as they term it, on everything, down to the footmen's bag-wigs and knee-buckles. TVe went to supper at two o'clock; and I took in the Duchess of Allington, who assui^edly never suspected that there was such a close alliance between my drawing-room and the Queen's Bench. The supper was exquisite ; poor Marriton had exhausted himself in the devices of his art, and most ingeniously intimated his appreciation of my situation by a plate of ortolans en salmi, sautes a la Fonhlanque — a delicate allusion to the Bankrupt Commissioner. I nearly finished the dish mj'self, drank off half a bottle of champagne, took out Lady Emily de Maulin for the cotillon, and then slipping away, threw myself into a post-chaise, arrived at Dover for the morning mail-packet, and landed at Boulogne free as William Tell, or that eagle which he is so enthusiastic in describing as a most remarkable instance of constitu- tional liberty." These are his own words, Bob ; but without you saw his manner, and heard his voice, you could form no notion whatever of the careless, 26 THE DODD FA^riLY ABROAD. liappy self-satisfaction of one who calls himself irretriev- ably ruined. From all that I have been jotting down, you may fancy the set I am moving in, and the class with whom I asso- ciate. Then there is a Oerinan Graf von Blumenkoh1,and a Kussian Prince Kubitzkoy, two tremendous swells ; a young French Marquis do Trcgucs, whose mother was grand-daughter, I believe, of Madame du Barri, and a large margin of inferior dons, Spanish, Italian, and Bel- gian. That your friend Jemmy Dodd should be a star, even a little one, in such a galaxy, is no small boast; and such, my dear Bob, I am bound to feel it. Each of tlieso fellows has a princely fortune, as well as a princely name, and it is not without many a clever dodge and cunning artiiice that, weighted as I am, I can keep pace with them. I hope you'll succeed, with all my heart, for the scholar- ship or fellowship. Wliich is it ? Don't blame me for the blunder, for I have never, all my life through, been able to distinguish between certain things which 1 suppose other persons find no resemblance in. Thus I never knew exactly whether the word " people " was spelled " eo," or " oe." I never knew the Derby from the Oaks, nor sh.all I ever, I'm certain, be able to separate in my mind Moore O'FeiTal from Carew O'Dwyer, though I am confidently informed there is not a particle of similarity in tlic indi- viduals, any more than in the names. Write to me when j'our match is over — I mean your examination — and sny where j-ou're placed. I'll take you against the field, at the current odds, in " fives." And believe me, ever your attached friend, J. Dodd. 27 LETTER V. E.ESNr DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ. Hotel de Belle vue, Brussels. Dear Tom, — Tours did not reach me till j-esterday, owing to some confusion at the Post-ofBce. There is another Dodd here, who has been receiving my letters, and I Ms, for the last week ; and I conclude that each of us has learned more than was quite necessary of the other's afiairs; for while lie was reading of all the moneyed dis- ti"esses and embarrassments of your humble servant, / opened a letter dated Doctors' Commons, beginning, *' Dear sir, we have at last obtained the most satisfactory proofs against Mrs. Dodd, and have no hesitation in now submitting the case to a jury.'' We met yesterday, and exchanf^ed credentials, with an expression of face that I'm sure " Phiz " would have given a five-pound note to look at. Peachem and Lockit were nothing to it. "We agreed that either of us ought to leave this, to prevent similar mistakes in future, although, in my heart, I believe that we now know so much of each other's affairs, that we might depute one of us to conduct both correspondences. In conse- quence, we tossed up who was to ^o. He won ; so that we take our departure on Wednesday next, if I can settle matters in the meanwhile. I'm told Bonn, on the F^^hine, is a cheap place, and good for education — a great matter as regards James — so that you may direct your next to me there. To tell you the truth, Tom, I'm scarcely sorry to get away, although the process will be anything but a cheap one. First of all, we have taken the rooms for three months, and hired a job-coach for the same time. Moviug is also an expensive business, and not over-agreeable at this season ; but against these there is the set-off that Mrs. D. and the girls are going to the devil in expense for dress. From breakfast-time till three or four o'clock every 28 TEE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. day, the house is like a fair with miliiicrs, male find female, hairdressers, perfumers, shoemakers, and trinket-men. I thought we'd done with all this when we left London ; but it seems that everything we bought there is perfectly use- less, and Mrs. D. comes sailing in every now and then, to make me laugh, as she says, at a bit of English taste by showing me where her -waist is too short, or her sleeves too long; and !Mary Anno comes down to breakfast in a great stiff watered silk, which for economy she has con- verted into a house-dress. Caroline, I must say, has not followed the lead, and is quite satisfied to be dressed as she used to be. James 1 see little of, for he's working hard at the languages, and, from what the girls say, with great success. Of course, this is all for the best ; but it's little use French or even Chinese would bo to him in the Customs or the Board of Trade, and it's there I'm trying to get him. Yickers told me last week that his name is down on no less than four lists, and it will bo bad luck but we'll hit upon something. Between ourselves, Tm not over- pleased with Vickers. Whenever T write to him about James, his reply is always what he's doing about the poor laws, or the Jews, or the grant to ^Maynooth ; so that I had to tell him, at last, that I'd rather hear that my son was in the Revenue, than that every patriarch in Palestine was in Parliament, or every papist in Ireland eating veni- son and guinea-hens. Patriotism is a tine thing, if you have a fine fortune, and some men we could mention haven't made badly out of it, without a sixpence ; but for one like myself, the wrong side of fifty, with an encum- bered estate, and no talents for agitation, it's as expensive as horse-racing, or yachting, or any other diversion of the kind. So there's no chance of a tenant for Dodsborough ! You ought to put it in the English papers, with a puff about the shooting and the trout-fishing, and the excellent neighbourhood, and all that kind of thing. There's not a doubt but it's too good for any Manchaster blackguard of them all ! "What you say about Tully Brack is quite true. The encumbrances are over eleven thousand ; and if we bought in the estate at three or four, there would be so much gain to us. The Times little knew the good it was doing us when it was blackguarding the Irish lund- C0NT1NI2NTAL MANNEIvS. 29 lords, and depreciating Irish property. There's many a one has been able to bay in his own land for one-fifth of the mortgages on it ; and if this isn't repudiation, it's not BO far off Pennsylvania, after all. I don't quite approve of your plan for Ballyslevin. Whenever a property's in Chancery, the best thing is, to let it go to ruin entirely. The worse the land is, the more miserable the tenants, the cheaper will be the terms you'll get it on ; and if the boys shoot a receiver once or twice, no great harm. As for the Government, I don't think they'll do anything for Ireland, except set us by the ears about education and church matters ; and we're getting almost tired of quarrelling, Tom ; for so it is, the very best of dispositions may be imposed on too far ! Now, as to '* education," how many amongst those ■who insist on a particular course for the poor, ever thought of stipulating for the same for their own children ? or do they think that the Bible is only neces- sary for such as have not an independent fortune ? And as to Maynooth, is there any man such a fool as to believe that £30,000 a year would make the priests loyal ? You 'gave the money well knowing what for — to teach Catholic theology, not to instil the oath of allegiance. To expect more, would be like asking a mai-ket-gardener to raise strawberries with fresh cream round them ! The truth is, they don't wish to advance our interests in England. They're afraid of us, Tom. If we ever were to take a national turn, like the Scotch, for instance, we might prove very dangerous rivals to them in many ways. I'm sick of politics ; not, indeed, that I know too much of ■what's doing, for the last Times I saw was cut up into a new pattern for a polka, and they only kept me the supplement, which, as you know, is more varied than amusing. lu reply to your question ns to how I like this kind of life, I own to you that it doesn't quite suit me. Maybe I'm too old in years, maybe too old in my notions, but it doesn't do, Tom. There is an ever- lasting bowing and scraping, and introducing — a per- petual prelude to acquaintanceship, that never seems to begin. It appears to me like an orchestra that never got further than the tuning of the instruments ! I'm sure 80 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. that, at the least, I've exchanged bows, and prinp, and leers, with fifty gentlemen here, whom I shouhln't know to-morrow, nor do thetj care whether I did or no. Their intercourse is like their cookery, and you are always asking, "Is there nothing substantial coming?" Then they're frivolous, Tom. I don't mean that they are fond of pleasure, and given up to amusement, but that their very pleasui'es and amusements are contemptible in themselves. No such thing as field-sports ; at least, nothing deserving the name ; no manly pastimes, no bodily exercises ; and lastly, they all, even the oldest of them, think that they ought to make love to your wife and daughters, just as you hand a lady a chair or a cup of tea in our country — a mere matter of course. I need not tell you that my observations on men and manners are necessarily limited by my ignorance of the language ; but I have acquired the deaf man's pi'ivilege, and if I hear the less, I see the more. I begin to think, my dear Tom, that we all make a great mistake in this taste we've got into for foreign travel, foreign languages, and foreign accomplishments. We rear up our families with notions and habits quito inapplicable to home purposes; and we are like tho Parisian shopkeepers, that have nothing on sale but articles of luxury ; and after all, we haven't a genius for this trifling, and we make very ungraceful idlers in the end. To train a man for the Continent, you must begin early; teach him French when a child; let him learn dominoes afc four, and to smoke cigars at six, wear lacquered boots at eight, and put his hair in paper at nine ; eat sugar-plums for dinner, and barley-water for tea ; make him a steady shot with the pistol, and a cool hand with the rapier; and there he is finished and fit for the Boulevard — a nice man for the salons. It is cheap, there is no doubt ; but it costs a great deal of money to come at the economy. You'll perhaps say that's my own fault. Maybe it is. "We'll talk of it moro another time. I ought to confess that Mrs. D. is delighted with every- thing ; she vows that she is only beginning to live : and to hear her talk, you'd think that Dodsborough was one CONTINENTAL MANNERS. 31 of the new model penitentiaries. Mary Anne's her own daughter, and she raves about princes, and dukes, and counts, all day long. What they'll say when I tell them that we're to be off on Wednesday next, I can't imagine. I intend to dine out that evening, for I know there will be no standing the row I The ambassador has been mighty polite and attentive : we dined thei-e last week. A grand dinner, and line company : but, talking French, and nothing but French, all the time— Mrs. D. and your humble servant were rather at a nonplus. Then we had his box at the opera, where, I must say, Tom, anything to equal the dancing I never saw, — indecency is no name for it. Not but Mrs. D. and Maiy Anne are of a contrary opin' -^n, and taunt- ingly ask me if I prefer a " Tatter Jack Walsh," at the cross-roads, to Taglioni. As for the singing, it's screech- ing — that's the word for it, screeching. The composer is one Verdi — a fellow they tell me, that cracks every voice in Europe ; and I can believe it. The young woman that played the first part grew purple in the face, and strained till her neck looked like a half- unravelled cable ; her mouth was dragged sideways ; and it was only when I thought she was off in strong convulsions that the audience began to applaud. There's no saying what their enthusiasm might not have been had she burst a blood- vessel. I intended to have despatched this by to-day's post, but it is Saint Somebody's day, and the office closes at two o'clock, so that I'll have to keep it over, perhaps till Saturday, for to-morrow, I find, we're to go to Waterloo, to see the field of battle. There's a prince, whose name I forget, and, indeed I couldn't spell, if I remembered it, going to be our " Cicerone." I'm not sure if he says he was there at the battle ; but Mrs. D. believes him as she would the Duke of Wellington. Then there's a German count, whose father did something wonderful, and two Belgian barons, whose ancestors, I've no doubt, sustained the national reputation for speed. The season is hardly suitable for sucli an excursion ; but even a day in the country — a few hours in the fields and the free air — will be a great enjoyment. James is going to bring a Polish 0^ The dodd family auroao. friend of Ins — a great Don, lio calls bim— but I'm so overlaid witb nobilify, tlic Khan of Tartary would not surprise me now. I'll kcc']i this open to add a few lines, und only say good bye for the present. Saturday. Waterloo's a bumbug, Tom. I don't mean to say that Bony found it so some thirty odd years back, but such it now appears. I assure you they've cut away half tho field to commemorate the battle— a process mighty like slicing off a man's nose to establish his identity. Tho result is, that you might as well stand upon Houn.slow Heath, or Salisbury Plain, and listen to a narrative of the action, as visit AVaterloo for the sake of the localities. La Haye Sainte and Hougoumont stand certainly in the old places, but the deep gorge beside the one, and tho ridge from whence the cannonade shattered the other, are totally obliterated. The guides tell you, indeed, where Vivian's brigade stood— where Picton charged and fell — where Ney's column halted, faltered, and broke ; they speak of the ridge behind which the guard lay in long expectancy ; they describe to you the undulating swell over which our line advanced, cheering madly : but it's like listening to a descrij)tion of Killarney in a fog, and being informed that Turk mountain is yonder, and that the waterfall is down a glen to your right. One thing is clear, Tom, however — we beat the French ; and when I say " We," I mean what I say. England knows, and all Europe knows, who won the battle, and more's the disgrace for the way we're treated. But, after all, its our own fault in a great measure, Tom ; we take everything that comes from Parliament as a boon and a favour, little guessing often how it will turn out. Our conduct in this respect reminds me of poor Jack Whalley's wife. You remember Jack, that was postboy at the Clanbrazil Arms. Well, his wife one day chanced to find an elegant piece of white leather on the road, and phe brought it home with her in great delight, to mend Jack's small clothes, which she did very neatly. Jack set off the next day, little suspecting what was in store for bim ; but wlien'ho trotted about five miles — it was in WATERLOO. 33 tlie month of Jaly — he began to feci mighty uneasy in the saddle — a feeling that continued to increase at every moment, till at last, as he said, "It was like taking a canter on a beehive in swarming time;" and well it might, for the piece of leather was no other than a blister, that the apothecary's boy had dropped that morning on the road ; and so it is, Tom. There's many a thing we take to be a fine patch for our nakedness, that's only a blister after all. Witness the Poor Law and the " Cumbrous Estates Court," as Eooney calls it. Bat I'm wandering away from Waterloo all this time. You kngw the grand controversy is about what time the Prussians came up ; because that mainly decides who won the battle. I believe it's nearly impossible to get at the truth of the matter ; for thoucfh it seems clear enou"-h they were in the wood early in the day, it appears equally plain they stayed there — and small blame to them — till they saw the Inniskillings cutting down the Cuirassiers and sabring all before them. They waited, as you and I often waited in a row, till the enemy began to run, and then, they were down on them. Even that same was no small help ; for by the best accounts, the French require a deal of beating, and we were dreadfully tired giving it to them ! Sergeant Cotton, the guide, tells me it was a grand sight just about seven o'clock, when the whole line began cheering ; first, Adam's bi-igade, then Cooke's battalion, all taking it up and cheering madly ; the general oiEcers waving their hats, and shouting like the rest. I was never able to satisfy myself whether we gained or lost most by that same victory of Waterloo ; for you see, Tom, after all our fighting in Spain and Portugal — after all Nelson's great battles — all our triumphs and votes of thanks — Europe is going back to the old system again : kings bullying their people, setting spies on them, opening their letters, transporting the writers, and hanging the readers. If they'd have let Bony alone when he came back from Elba, the chances were that he'd not have disturbed the peace of the world. He had already got his bellyful of fighting ; he was getting old, falling into flesh, and rather disposed to tbink more of his personal ease than he used to do. Are you awaro VOL. I. D 84 THE PODD FAMILY ABROAD. that tho first thing he said on enteriniT the Tuilcries from Elba was " Avant tout un Ion diner.'' One of the marshals, •who hoard the speech, whispered to a friend, " He is greatly changed ; you'll see no more campaigns." I know you'll reply to me with your old argument about legitimacy and divine right, and all that kind of thing. Bat, ray dear Tom, for the matter of that, haven't I a divine right to my ancestral estate of I'ullylicknaslatterley ; and look what they're going to do with it, to-morrow or next day ! 'Tis much Commissioner Longfield would mind, if I begged to defer the sale, on the ground of " my divine right." Kings are exactly like landlords; theytan'tdo what they like with their own, hard as it may seem to Bay so. They have their obligations and their duties ; and if they fail in them, they come into the Encumbered Estates Court, just like us — ay, and, just like u?, they, "take very little by their motion." I know it's very hard to be turned out of your " hold- ing." I can imagine the feelings with which a man would quit such a comfortable quarter as the Tuilcries, and such a nice place for summer as Versailles ; Dodsborough is too fresh in my mind to leave any doubt on this point; but there's another side of the question, Tom. What were they there for ? You'll call out, " This is all Socialism and Democracy," and the devil knows what else, ilaybe I'll agree with you. Maybe I'll say, I don't like tho doctrine myself. Maybe I'll tell you that I think the old time was pleasantest, when, if we pressed a little hard to-day, why, we were all the kinder to-morrow, and both ruler and ruled looked more leniently on each other's faults. But say what we will — do what we will — these days are gone by, and they'll not come back again. There's a set of fellows at work, all over the world, telling the people about their rights. Some of these arc very acute and clever chaps, that don't overstate tho case; they neither go off into any flights about universal equality, or any balderdash about our being of the same stock ; but they stick to two or three hard propositions, and they say, " Don't pay more for anything than you can get it for — thnt's free-trade; don't pay for anything you don't want — that's a blow at the Church Establish- A STORMY DISCUSSION?. 35 ment ; don't pay for soldiers, if you don't want to figlit — that's at ' a standing ai^my ; ' and above all, when you haven't a pair of breeches to your back, don't be buying embroidered small-clothes for lords-in-waiting or gentle- men of the bedchamber." But here I am ao,-ain, runninjr away from Waterloo just as if I was a Belgian. When we got to Hougoumont, a dreadful storm of rain came on — such rain as I thought never fell out of Ireland. It came swooping along the ground, and wetting you through and through in live minutes. The thunder, too, rolled awfully, crashing and cannonading around these old walls, as if to wake up the dead by a memory of the great artillery, ilrs. D. took to her prayers in the little chapel, with. Mary Anne and the Pole, James's friend. Caroline stood with me at a little window, watching the lightning; and James, by way of airing his French, got into a conversation, or rather a discussion, about the battle with a small foreigner with a large beard, that had just come in, drenched to the skin. The louder it thun- dered, the louder they spoke, or rather screamed at each other ; and though I don't fancy James was very fluent in the French, it's clear the other was getting the worst of the argument, for he grew terribly angry, and jumped about and flourished a stick, and, in fact, seemed very anxious to try conclusions once more on the old field of conflict. James carried the day, at last; for the other was obliged, as Uncle Toby says, " to evacuate Flanders ; " meaning, thereby, to issue forth into the thickest of the storm, rather than sustain the combat anv lono-ei*. When the storm passed over, we made our way back to the little inn at the village of Waterloo, kept in the house where Lord Anglesey suffered amputation, and there we dined. It was neither a very good dinner nor a very social party. Mrs. D's black velvet bonnet and blue ribbons bad got a tremendous drenching; Mary Anne contrived to tear a new satin dress all down the back, with a nail in the old chapel ; James was unusually grave and silent ; and as for the Pole, all his eObrts at conversation were so marred by his bad English, that he was a downright boi'e. It is a mistake to bring one of these foreigners out with a D 2 nn rUK r>OPD FAMILY AT^nOAn. Hmall family party ! they neither understand t/ou nor you Ihem. Gary was the only one that cjijoyed herself; but she went about the inn pickinpf up little curiosities of the battle — old buttons, bullets, and the like ; and it was a comfort to see that one, at least, amongst us derived pleasure from the excursion. I have often heard descriptions of that night march from Brussels to the field ; and truly, what with the gloomy pine-wood, the deep and miry roads, and the falling rain, it must have been a very piteous all'air; but for downright ill-humour and discontent, I'd back our own journey over the same ground against all. The horses, probably worn out with toiling over the field all day, were dead beat, and came gradually down from a trot to a jog, and then to a shamble, and at last to a stop. James got down from the box, and helped to belabour them ; it was raining torrents all Ithis time. I got out, too, to help ; for one of the beasts, although too tired to go, contrived to kick his leg over the pole, and couldn't get it back again ; but the count contented himself with uttering most unintelligible counsels from the window, which, when he saw totally unheeded, he threw himself back in the coach, lighted his meerschaum, and began to smoke. Imagine the scene at that moment, Tom. The driver was undressing himself coolly on the roadside, to examine a kick he had just received from one of the horses ; James was holding the beasts by the head, lashing, as they were, all the time ; I was running frantically to and fro, to seek for a stone to drive in the linch-pin, which was all but out ; while Mrs. D. and the gii'ls, half suffo- cated between smoke and passion, wei-e screaming and coughing in chorus. By dint of violent bounding and jerking, the wheel was wrenched clean off" the axle at last, and down went the whole convcniency on one side, our Polish friend assisting himself out of the window by stepping over Mrs. D.'s head, as she lay fainting within. I had, however, enough to do without thinking of him, for the door being jammed tight, would not open, and 1 was obliged to pull Mrs. D. and the girls out by the window. The beasts, by the same time, had kicked A PLEASANT DILEMMA. 37 themselves free of everything but the pole, with which appendage they scampered gaily away towards Brussels, James shouting with laughter as if it was the best joke he had ever known. When we began to look about us and think what was best to be done, we discovered that the count had taken a French leave of us — or rather a Polish one — for he had carried off James's cloak and umbrella along with him. We were now all wet through, our shoes soaked, not a dry stitch on us, all except the coachee, who, having taken off a considerable portion of his wearables, depo- sited them in the coach, while he ran up and down the road, wringing his hands, and crying over his misfortune in a condition that I am bound to say was far more pictorial than decent. It was in vain that Mrs. D. opened her parasol as the last refuge of offended modesty. The wind soon converted it into somethinjj: like a convolvulus, so that she was fain once more to seek shelter inside the conveyance, which now lay pensively over on one side, against a muddy bank. Such little accidents as these ai'e not uncommon in our own country, but when they do occur, you are usually within reach of either succour or shelter. There is at least a house or a cabin within hail of you. Nothing of the kind was there here. This " Bois de Cambre," as they call it, is a dense wood of beech or pine-trees, inter- sected here and there by certain straight roads, without a single inhabitant along the line. A solitary diligence may pass once in the twenty-four hours, to or from Wavre. A Waterloo tourist party is occasionally seen in spring or summer, but except these, scarcely a traveller is ever to be met with along this dreary tract. These reassuring facts were communicated to us by the coachee, while he made his toilet beside the window. By great persuasions, much eloquence, French and English, and a Napoleon in gold, our driver at length consented to start on foot for Brussels, whence he was to send us a conveyance to return to the capital. This bar- gain efi'ected, we settled ourselves down to sleep, or to grumble, as fancy or inclination prompted. I will not weary you with any further narrative of our 432261 88 THE DODD FAJIILY ABROAD. sufTcrings, nor tell of that miserable attempt 1 made to doze, disturbed by Mrs. D.'s unceasing lamentations over her ruined bonnet, her shocked feelings, and her shot-silk. A little before daybreak, an empty furniture-van camo accidentally by, with the driver of which we contracted for our return to Brussels, where wo arrived at nine o'clock this morning, almost as sad a party as ever fled from Waterloo I I thought I'd jot down these few details before I lay down for a sleep and it is likely that I may still add a line or two before post-hour. Monday. My Dear Tom, — "We've had our share of trouble sinco I wrote the last postscrij)t. Poor James has been " out," and was wounded in the leg, above the knee. The Frenchman with whom he had a dispute at Hougoumonfc sent him a message on Saturday last ; but as these affairs abroad are alwaj's greatly discussed and argued before they come off, the meeting didn't take place till this moi'ning, when they met near Lacken. James's friend was Lord George Tiverton, ^Member for Hornby, and son to some Marquis — that you'll lind out in the " Peerage," for my head is too confused to remember. He stood to James like a trump — drove him to tho ground in his own phaeton, lent him his own pistols — the neatest tools ever I looked at — I wonder he could miss with them — and then brought him back here, and is still with him, sitting at the bedside like a brother. Of course it's very distressing to us all, and poor James is in terrible pain, for the leg is swelled up as thick as three, and all blue, and the doctors don't well know whether they can save it; but it's a grand thing, Tom, to know that tho boy behaved beautifully. Lord G. says : " I've been out something like six-and-twcnty times, principal or second, but I never saw anything cooler, quieter, or in better taste than young Dodd's conduct." These are his own words, and let me tell you, Tom, that's high praise from such a quarter, for the English are gi'cat sticklers for a grave, decorous, cold-blooded kind of fighting, that we don't think so much about in Ireland. The Frenchman is one Count Roger — not pronounced Koger, but llogee /-^^^ JAMES GOES "out." 39 — and, they say, the surest shot in France. He left his ca,rd to inquire after James, about half au hour ago— a very pretty piece of attention, at all events. Mrs. D. and the girls are not permitted to see .Tames yet, nor would it be quite safe, for the poor fellow is wandering in his mind. When I came into the room, he told Lord George that I was his uncle! and begged me not to alarm his aunt on any account ! I can't as yet say how far this unlucky event will inter- fere with our plans about moving. Of course, for the present, this is out of the question, for the surgeon says, that, taking the most favourable view of his case, it will be weeks before J. can leave his bed. To tell you my mind frankly, I don't think they know much about gun- shot wounds, abroad ; for I remember when I hit Giles Eyre, the bullet went through his chest and came out under the bladeboue, and Doctor Purden just stopped up the hole with a pitch-plaister, and gave him a tumbler of weak punch, and he was about again, as fresh as ever, in a week's time. To be sure, he used to have a hacking kind of a short cough, and complained of a pain now and then, but everybody has his infirmities ! I mentioned what Purden did, to Baron Seutin, the surgeon here ; but he called him a barbarian, and said ho deserved the galleys for it ! I thought to myself, " It's lucky old Sam doesn't hear you, for he's just the boy Vv'ould give you an early morning for it ! " I was called away by a message from the Commissary of the Police, who has sent one of his sergeants to make an inquiry about the duel. If it was to Roger he went, it would be reasonable enough; but why come and torment us that have our own troubles ? I Avas obliged to sit quiet, and answer all his questions, giving my Christian name, and my wife's — our ages— what religion we were — if we were really married — egad, it's lucky it wasn't Mrs. D. was under examina- tion — what children we had — their ages and sex — I thought at one time he was going to ask how many more we meant to have. Then he took an excursion into our grandfathers and grandmothers, and at last came back to the present generation and the shindy. 40 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. If it wasn't for Lord George, we'd never have got througli the business, but he translated for me, and helped me greatly ; for what with the confusion I was in, and the language, and the absurdity of the. whole thing, I lost my temper very often : and now I discover that •we're to have a kind of prosecution against us, though of •what kind, or at whose suit, or why, I can't find out. This •will be, therefore, number three in my list of law- suits here — not bad, considering that I'm scarce as many weeks in the country ! I haven't mentioned this to you before, for I don't like dwelling on it ; but it's truth, nevertheless. I must close this at last, for we have Lord G. to dinner ; and I must go and put Paddy Byrne through his facings, or there'll be all kinds of blundering. I wisli I'd never brought him with us, nor the jaunting- car. The young chaj)S — the dandies here — have a knack of driving, as if, down on us, just to see Mary Anno trying to save her legs ; but I'll come across them one day with the whip, in a style they won't like. Betty Cobb, too, was no bargain, and I wish she was back at Dodsborough. We're always reading in the newspapers how well the Irish get on out of Ireland — how industrious they become — how thrifty, and so on ; don't believe a •word of it, Tom. There's Betty, the same lazy, good-for- nothing, story-telling, complaining, discontented devil, ever she was, and as for Paddy Byrne, his fi.sts have never been out of somebody's features, except when there were handcuffs on them — semper eadem ! Tom, as we used to say at Doctor Bell's. Whatever we may be at home — and the Times won't say much for us there — it's there we're best after all. The doctors are here again to see James ; so that I must conclude with love to all yours, and Remain ever faithfully your friend, Kenny I. Dodd. 41 LETTER VI. MISS MARV ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OP BALLrDOOLAN. Dear-est Kitty, — What a dreadful fortnight have wo passed throui^'h ; we thought that poor dear James must have lost his leg ; the inflammation ran so high, and tlie pain and the fever were so great, that one night the Baron Seutin actually brought the horrid instruments Avith him, and I believe it was Lord George alone persuaded him to defer the operation. "What a dear, kind, affectionate creature he is ! He has scarcely ever left the house since it happened ; and although he sits up all night with James, he seems never tired nor sleepy, but is so full of life all day long, playing on the piano, and teaching us the mazurka ! I should rather say teaching me, for Gary, bless the mark, has taken a prudish turn, and says she has no fancy for being pulled about, even by a lord ! I may as well mention here, that there is nothing less like romping than the mazurka, when danced properly; and so Lord George as much as told her. He scarcely touches your waist, Kitty ; he only " gives you support," as he says himself, and he never by any chance squeezes your hand, except when there's something droll he wants you to remark. I must saj^, Kitty, that in L^eland we conceive the most absurd notions about the aristocracy. Now, here, we have one of the first, the very first young nobleman of the day actually domesticated with us. For the entire fortnight he has never been away, and yet we are as much at home with him, as easy in his presence, and as unconstrained, as if it were your brother Robert, or any- body else of no position. You can form no idea how entertaining he is, for, as he says himself, " I've done everything," and I'm certain so he has ; such a range of knowledge on every subject — such a mass of acquain- tances! And then he has been all over the world in his 42 TUE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. owu yaclit. It's like listcninpr to the " Aralnan Ni'<^hts," to licav liim talk about tlio Busjiliorus aud tlie Golden lloru ; and I'm sure 1 never kuew Low to relish Byron's poetry till I heard Lord G.'s description of Patras and Salamis. I must tell you, as a great secret though, that he came, the other evening, in his cloak to the drawing- room door, to say that James wanted to sr*e me ; and when I went out, there he was in full Albanian di^ess, the most splendid thing you ever beheld — a dark violet velvet jacket all biaided with gold, white linen jupe, like the Scotch kilt, but immensely full — ho said, two hundred ells wide— a fez on his head, embroidered sandals, and such a scimitar ; it was a mass of turquoises aud rubies. Oh, Kitty ! I have no words to describe him ; for, besides all this, he has such eyes, and the handsomest beard in the world — not one of those foppish little tufts they call imperials, nor that grizzly clothes-brush Young Fi'anco allects, but a regular " Titian," full, flowing, and squared beneath. Now, don't let Peter fancv that he outjht to get up a " moijen c1(je look," for, between ourselves, these things which sit so gracefully on my lord, would be downright ridiculous in the dispensary doctor; and while I'm on the topic, let me say that nothing is so thoroughly Irish as the habit of imitating, or rather of mimicking, those of stations above our own. I'll never forget Peter's putting the kicking-straps on his mare just because he saw Sir Jose])h Vickars drive with them ; the consequence was, that the poor beast, who never kicked before, no sooner felt the unaccustomed encumbrance than " she dashed out, and never stopped till she smashed the gig to atoms. In the same way, I'm certain that if he only saw Lord George's dress, which is a kind of black velvet paletot, braided, and very loose in the sleeves, he'd just follow it, quite forgetting how inconvenient it might be in what he calls " the surgerj'." At all events, Kitty, do not say that I said so. I'm too conscious how little power I have to serve him, to wish to hurt his feel- ings. You could not believe what interest has been felt about Jam.es in the very highest circles here. We were at last obliged to issue a species of bulletin every morning, and WE FIND OURSELVES FAMOUS. 43 leave it •witli the porter at the hotel door. I own to you 1 thoui^ht it did look a little pretentious at first to read these documents, with the three signatures at the foot ; but Lord George only laughed at my humility, and said that it was " expected from us." From all this you may gather that poor James's misfortune has not been un- alloyed with benefit. The sympathy — I had almost said the friendship — of Lord G. is indeed priceless, and I see, from the names of the inquiries, that our social position, has been materially benefited by the accident. In the little I have seen of the Continent, one thing sti-ikes me most forcibly. It is, that to have any social eminence or success you must be notorious. I am free to own that in many instances this is not obtained without consider- able sacrifice, but it would seem imperative. You may be very rich, or very highly connected, or very beautiful, or very gifted. You may possess some wonderful talent as a painter, or a musician, or as a dramatist. You may be the great talker of dinner-parties — the wit who never wanted his repartee. A splendid rider, particularly if a lady, has always her share of admiration. But apart from these qualities, Kitty, you have only to reckon on eccentricities, and, I am almost ashamed to write it, on follies. Chance — •! never could call it good foi-tune, when I think of poor James — has achieved for us what, in all likelihood, we never could have accomplished for ourselves, and by a turn of the wheel we wake and find ourselves famous. I only wish you could see the list of visitors, beginning with princes, and descending, by a sliding scale to barons and chevaliers ; such flourishing of hats, too, as we receive whenever we drive out 1 Papa begins to complain that he might as well leave his at home, as he is perpetually carrying it about in his hand. But for Lord George, we should never know who one half of these fine folk wci'e ; but he is acquainted with them all, and such droll histories as he has of them would con- vulse you with laughter to listen to. I need not say that so long as poor dear James con- tinues to suffer, we do not accept of any invitation what- ever; we just receive a few intimates — say fifteen or twenty very dear friends — twice a week. Then it is 44 THE DODD FA.MILY ABROAD. merely a Uttlo music, tea and perhaps a polka, always improvised, you understand, and got up without tho slightest forethought. Lord G. is perfect for that kind of thing, and whatever he does seems to spring so naturally from the impulse of the moment. Yesterday, however, just as wc were dressing for dinner, papa alone was in the drawing-room, the servant announced Monsieur le General Comte de Vanderdelft, aide-de-camp to tbe king, and immediately there entered a very tall and splendidly dressed man, with every order you can think of on his breast. He saluted pa most courteously, who bowed equally low in return, and then began something which pa thought was a kind of set speech, for he spoko so fluently and so long, and with such evident possession of his subject, that papa felt it must have been all got up beforehand. At last he paused, and poor papa, whose French never advanced beyond the second page of Cobbett's Grammar, uttered his iisual " Non comprong," ■with a gesture happily more explanatory than tlic words. The General, deeming, possibly, that he was called upon for a recapitu- lation of his discourse, began it all over again, and was drawing towards the conclusion when mamma entered. He at once addressed himself to her, but she hastily rang the bell, and sent for lue. I, of course, did not lose a moment, but, arranging my hair in plain bands, came down at once. When I came into the drawing-room I saw there was some mystification, for papa was sitting with his spectacles on, busily hunting out something in the little Dialogue IJook of live languages, and maniina was seated directly in front of the General, apparently listening to him with the utmost attention, but as I well knew, from her contracted eyebrows and pursed-up mouth, only endeavouring to read his sentiments from the expression of his features. He turned at once towards me as I saluted him, showing how unmistakably he rejoiced at the sound of his own language. " I come, mademoiselle," said he, " on the part of the king " — and he paused and bowed at the word as solemnly as if he were in a church. " His ^Majesty having obtained from the English Legation here the names of the most distinguished A MESSAGE FllOM KOY.VLTi'. 45 visitors of your countrymen, has graciously commanded me to wait upon the Honourable Monsieur " Here he paused again, and taking out a slip of paper from his pocket, read the name—" Dodd. I am right, am I not, Mademoiselle Dodd?" At the mention of his name, papa bowed, and placed his hand on his waistcoat as if to confirm his identity; while mamma smiled a bland assent to the partnership. " To wait upon Monsieur Dodd," resumed the General, "and invite him and ]Madame Dodd to be present at the grand ceremony of the opening of the railroad to Mons." I could scarcely beheve my ears, Kitty, as I listened. The inauguration ceremony has been the stock theme of the newspapers for the last month. Archbishops and bishops — cardinals, for aught I know — have been expected, regardless of expense, to bless everything and everybody, from the sovereign down to the stokers. The programme included a High Mass, military bands, the presence of the whole Court, and a grand dejeuner. To have been deemed worthy of an invitation to such a festival was a very legitimate reason for pride. " I have not his Majesty's commands, mademoiselle," said the General, " to include you in the invitation ; but as the King is always pleased to see his Court distinguished by beauty, I may safely promise that you will receive a card within the course of this day or to-morrow." I suppose I must have looked very grateful, for the General dropped his eyes, placed his hand on his heart, and said, " Oh, mademoiselle ! " in a tone of voice the most touching you can conceive. I believe, from watching my emotion, and the General's acknowledgment of it, mamma had arrived at the con- clusion that the General had come to propose for me. Indeed, I am convinced, Kitty, that such was the im- pression on her mind, for she whispered in my ear, " Tell him, Mary Anne, that he must speak to papa first." This suggestion at once recalled me to myself, and I explained what he had come for — apologizing, of course, to the General for having to speak in a foreign language before him. I am certain mamma's satisfaction at the royal invitation totally obliterated any disappointment she might have felt from baflfled expectations, and she 40 TUE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. curtseyed and smiled, and papa bowed and simpered so much, that I felt quite rele:ised when the General withdrew — havinrr previously kissed ma's hand and mine, with an air of respectful homtigo only acquired in Courts. Perhaps this scene did not occupy more Space than I have taken to describe it, and yet, Kitty, it seems to mo as though we had been inhaling the atmosphere that sur- rounds royalty for a length of time ! From my reverie on this theme I was aroused by a lively controversy between papa and mamma. "Egad !" says papa, " Pummistonc's blunder has done us good service. They've surely taken us for something very distinguished. Look out, Mary Anne, and see if there's any Dodds in the peerage." " Fudge ! " cried mamma ; " there's no blunder whatever in the case 1 We are beginning to be known, that's all ; nor is there anything very astonishing in the fact, seeing that King Leopold is the uncle to our own Queen. I should like to know what is there more natural than that wo should receive attention from his Court?" " Maybe it's James's accident," muttcTcd papa. " It's no such thing, Pm certain," replied mamma, angrily, " and it's downright meanness to impute to a mere casualty what is the legitimate consequence of our position." Now, Kitty, whenever mamma uses the word " posi- tion," she has generally come to the end of her ammuni- tion, which is of the loss consequence tliat she usually contrives with this last shot to explode the enemy's maga- zine, and blow him clean out of the water ! Papa knows this so well, that the moment he hears it, he takes to the long boat, or, to drop the use of metaplior, he seizes his hat and decamps ; which he did on the present occasion, leavinof ma and mvsolf in the field. " A Dodd, indeed, in the peerage ! " said she, contemp- tuously ; "I'd like to know where you'd find it! If it was a ^M'Carthy, there would bosoniL! dilferencc ; M'Carthy More slew Shawn Bliuy na Tiernian in the year ten thou- cand and six, and was hanged for it at his own gate, in a rope of silk of the family colours, green and white ; and I'd like to know where were the Dodds then? Put it's KIEPAKATIONS FOR COURT. 47 tlie way with youi' father always, Maiy Anne ; he quite forgets the family he married into." Though this was somewhat of unjust reproach, Kitty, I did not re]oly to it, but turned ma's attention to the king's gracious message, and the approaching cUjeuner. We agreed that as Gary wouldn't, and indeed couldn't, go, that ma and I should dress precisely alike, with our hair in bands in front, with two long curls behind the ears, white tarletan dresses, three jupes, looped up with mari- golds. The only distinction being, that ma should wear her carbuncles, and I nothing but moss-roses. It sounds very simple costume, Kitty, but Mademoiselle Adele has such taste, we felt we might rely upon its not being too plain. Papa, of course, would wear his yeomanry uniform, which is really very neat, the only ungraceful part being the white shorts and black gaiters to the knee ; and these he insists on adhering to, as well as the helmet, which looks exactly like a gigantic caterpillar crawling over a coal-box ! However, it's military ; and abroad, my dearest Kitty, if not a soldier, you are nothing. The English are so well aware of this, that not one of them would venture to present himself at a foreign court in that absurd traves- tie of footmen, called the " corbeau " coat. Even the lawyers and doctors, the newspaper editors, the railroad people, the civil engineers, and the solicitors, all come out as Torkshire Hussars, Gloucestershire Fencibles, Hants Rifles, or Royal Archers ; these last, very picturesque, with kilt, filibeg, and dirk, muchhandsomer than any other High- land regiment ! We also discussed a little plot about mak- ing pa wear a coronation-medal, which would pass admir- ably as an " order," and procure him great respect and defer- ence amongst the foreigners ; but this, I may as well men- tion here, he most obstinately rejected, and swore at last, that if we persisted, he'd have his commission as a justice of the peace fixed on a pole, and carry it like a banner before him. Of course, in presence of such a threat, we gave up our project. You may smile, Kitty, at my record- ing such trivial circumstances ; but of such is life. Wo are ourselves but atoms, dearest, and all around us are no more! As eagerly as tt^e strive upwards, so determinedly does lie drag us down to earth again, and ma's noblest 43 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. ambitions are ever tbrcatened by papa's inglorious tastes and inclinations. I'm so full of tbis dcHgbtful fete, my dear Kitty, that I can tbink of notbing else ; nor, indeed, are my tbouc^bts very collected even on tbat ; for tbat wild croatnro, Lord George, is tbumping tbe piano, imitating all tbe Opera people, and occasionally waltzing about tbe room in a manner tbat would distract any buman bead to listen to! He bas just been tormenting me to tell bim wbat I'm say- ing to you, and bade me tell you tbat be's dying to make your acquaintance ; so you see, dearest, tbat be bas beard of tbose deep-blue eyes and long-fringed lids tbat bave done sucb marvels in our western latitudes! It is really no use trying to continue. He is performing wbat be calls a " Grand Mareb, witb a full orcbestral accompaniment," and tbere is a crowd actually assembling in front of the nouse. I bad sometbing to say, bowever, if I could only remember it. I bave just recalled wbat I wanted to mention. It is tbis. P. B. is most unjust, most ungenerous. Living, aa he does, remote from the world and its exciting cares, be can form no conception of wbat is required from those who mingle in its pleasures, and alas ! partake of its trials ! To censure me for the sacrifices I am making to tbat world, Kitty, is then great injustice. I feel tbat be knows nothing of tbe.se things ! ^Vllat knew I myself of tbcm till witbin a few weeks back! Tell bim so, dearest. Tell him, besides, tbat I am ever tbe same — save in that expansion of tbe soul which comes of enlarged views of liCe — more exalted notions and more ennobling emotions ! When I tbink of what I was, Kitty, and of wbat I am, I may indeed shudder at the perils of the present, but I blush deeply for tbe past ! Of course you will not permit him to think of coming abroad ; " settling as a doctor," as he calls it, "on the Continent," is too horrid to be thought of! Are you aware, Kitty, wbat place the lawyer and the physician occupy socially here? Sometbing lower than the courier, and a little higher than the cook ! Two or three, perhaps, in every capital city are received in society, ■wear decent clothes, and wash their bands occasionally, but there it ends ! and even they are only admitted on AN EXTINGUISHER FOR P. B. 49 snfTerance, and as it were by a tacit acknowledgment of the uncertainty of human life, and that it is good to have a " learned leech " within call. Shall I avow it, Kitty, I think they are right! It is, unquestionably, a gross anomaly to see everlastingly around one in the gay Avorld those terrible remembrancers of dark hours and gloomy scenes. We do not scatter wills, and deeds, and settle- ments amongst the prints, and drawings, and light litera- ture of our drawing-room tables, nor do we permit physic- bottles to elbow the odours and essences which deck our "consoles" and chimney-pieces ; and why should we ad- mit the incarnation of these odious objects to mar the picturesque elegance of our salons ? No, Kitty ; they may figure upon a darker canvas, but they would ill become the gorgeous light that illumines the grand " tableau " of high life ! Peter, too, would be quite unsuited to the habits of the Continent. Wrapped up as he is in his profession, ho never could attain to that charming negligence of manner, that graceful trifling, that most insinuating lan- guor, which distinguish the well-bred, abroad. If they fail to captivate, Kitty, they at least never wound your susceptibilities, nor hurt your prejudices. The delightful maxim that- pronounces " Tousles gouts sont respectables," is the keystone of this system. No, no, Peter must not come abroad ! Let me not forget to congratulate you en Robert's suc- cess. What is it he has gained ? for I could not explain to Lord George whether he is a " double first," or a some- thing else. You are quite mistaken, my dear friend, about lace. It is fully as dear here as with us. At the same time, I must say we never do see real " Brussels point " in Ireland ; for even the Castle folk are satisfied with showing you nothing but their cast-off London finery ; and as to lace, it is all what they call here " application " — that is, the flowers and tracery are worked in upon common net, and are not part of the fabric, as in real " point de Bruxelles." After all, even this is as superior to " Limerick lace " as a foreiga ambassador is, in manner, to a Dublin alderman. I should like to keep this over till the dejeuner at Mons ; but as it goes by " the Messenger "—Lord Gledworth VOL. I. E 50 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. u liavinr^ pfivcn pa tlio privilog'c of tlio "baj,'" — I cannot lonjj;cr defer writing mysult' my dearest Kilty's most at- tached friend, ^Iauy Aivne Dodd. I open my letter to send you the last bulletin about James : " ^Monsieui' James Dodd has passed a tranquil night, and is proceeding favourably. The wound exhibits a good appearance, and the general fever is slight. (Signed) " Baron De Seutin. " EusTACiiE De Mornayk, Med. du lloi. " Samuel Mossix, M.R.C.S.L." We're in another mess with that wretch Paddy Byrne. The gendarmes are now in the house to inquire after him. It would seem that he has beaten a whole hackney-coach stand, and f^et the vehicles and horses off full speed down the " Mont;igne de la Cour," one of the steepest streets in Europe. When will papa see it would bo cheaper to send him home by a special steamer than to keep him here and pay for all his " escapades "? Paddy, who got on to the roof to escape the police, has just fallen through a skylight, and has been conveyed to hospital, terrildy injured. He fell upon an old gentleman of eighty-two, who says he will look to papa for compen- sation. The tumult the affair has caused is dreadful, and pa is like a madman. The General Count Vanderdelft has come back to say tV.at I am invited. f. 1 LETTER VIL MPA DOI'D TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSEOROUGH. Dear Molly,' — I scarcely have courage to take up my pen, and, maybe, if it wasn't that I'm driven to the necessity of writing, I couldn't bring myself to the effort. You have already heard all about poor dear James's duel. It was in the JPost and Galijnani, and got copied into the French papers ; and indeed I must say, that so far as notoriety goes, it was all very gratifying to our feelings, though the poor boy has had to pay dearly for the honour. His sufferings were very great, and for ten days he didn't know one of us ; even to this time he constantly calls me his aunt ! He's now out of danger at last, and able to sit up for a few hours every day, and take a little sustenance, and hear the papers read, and see the names of the people that have called to ask after him ; and a proud list it is, dukes, counts, and barons without end ! This, of course, is all very pleasing, and no one is mora ready to confess it than myself; but life is nothing but trials, Molly; you're up to-day, and you're down to- morrow ; and maybe 'tis when you think the road is smoothest and best, and that your load is lightest, 'tio just at that very moment you see yourself harnessed be- tween the " shafts of adversity." We never think of these things when all goes well with us, but what a shock we feel the hand of fate turns the tables on us, with maybe the scai-latiua or the sheep-rot, the smut in the wheat, or a stain on your reputation ! When I wrote last, I men- tioned to you the high station we were in, the elegant acquaintances we made, and the fine prospect before us ; but I'm not sure you got ray letter, for the gentleman that took charge of it thought of going home, by Norway, so that perhaps it has not reached you. It's little matter ; maybe 'tis all the better, indeed, if it never does come to hand ! The last thx'ee weeks has been nothing but troubles, V .'j2 the DODU family AiniOAD. aiul as for expense, !Molly, tlie money goes in away I never witnessed before, though if you knew all the shilts I'm jmt to, you'd pity me, and tlie sacrifices I make to keep our heads above water would drown you in tears. I don't know where to begin with our misfortunes, though I believe the first of them was AVednesday week last. You must know, ^lolly, that wo were invited by the King, who sent his own aide-de-camp, in lull fig, with crosses and orders all over him, to ask us to a breakfast, or, as they call it, a dejcihier^ in honour of the opening of a new railroad at Mons. It was, as you may believe, a very great honour to pay us, nothing being invited but the very first families — the embassies and the ministers, and we certainly felt it well became us not to disgrace either the country we came from or the proud distinction of his Majesty ; and so Mary and I had two new dresses made just the same, like sisters, very simple, but elegant, !Molly — a light stufl' that cost only two-and-five a yard, thirty-two yards of which would make the two, leaving me a breadth more in the skirt than !Mary Anne — the whole not coming to quite four pounds, without the making. That was our calculation, !ilolly, and we put it down on paper ; for K. I. insists on our paying for everything when it comes home, as he is always saying, " We never know how suddenly we may have to leave this place yet." Low as the price was, it took a day and a half before ho gave in. He stormed and swore about all the expenses of the family — that there was no end of our extravagant habits, and what with hairdressers, dancing-masters, and doctors, it cost five-and-twcnty pounds in a week. "And if it did, K. I.," said I — "if it did, is four pounds too much to spend on the dress of your wife and daughter, when they're invited to court ? If you can squander in handfuls on your pleasures, can you spare nothing for the wants of your family ?" 1 reminded him who he was and / was. I let him know what was the stock 1 came from, and what we were used to, Molly ; and indeed I believe he'd rather than double the money not have provoked the discussion. The end of it was, we carried the day ; and early on AVednesday morniiig the two dresses came home ; Mdllc. A CATALOGUE OP MISFORTUNES. 53 Adele herself coming with them to try them on. I haven't words to tell you how mine fitted ; if it was made on me it couldn't be better. I needn't say more of the general effect, than that Betty — and you know she is no flatterer — called me nothing but " miss " till I took it off. Con- scious of how it became me, I too readily listened to her suggestion to " go and show it to the master ;" and accord- ingly walked into the room where he was seated reading the newspaper. "Ain't you afraid of catching cold?" says he, dryly. " Why so ?" replied I. " Hadn't you better put on your gown, going about the passages ? " says he, in a cross kind of way. " What do you mean, K. I, ? Is not this my gown ?" " That ! " cried he, throwing down the newspaper on the floor. ''That!'' "And why not, praj^, Mister Dodd ? " "Why not?" exclaimed he; "because you're half- naked, madam ; — because it wouldn't do for a bathing- dress ; — because the Queen of the Tonga Islands wouldn't go out in it." " If my dress is not high enough for your taste, K. I., maybe the bill is," says I, throwing down the paper on the table, and sweeping out of the room. Oh ! Molly, little I knew the words I was saying, for I never had opened the bill at all, contenting myself with Mdlle. Adele's promise that making would be a "bagatelle of some fifteen or twenty francs !" AVhat do you think it came to ? Eight hun- dred and thirty-three francs five sous. Thirty-three pounds six and tenpence-halfpenny ! as sure as I write these lines. I was taken with the nerves — ^just as I used to be long ago — screeching and laughing and crying altogether, when : I heard it; and the attack lasted two hours, and left me very weak and exhausted after it was over. Oh ! Molly dear, what a morning it was ! for what with ether and cura9oa, strong sheiTy and aniseed cordial, my head was splitting ; and Betty ran downstairs into the table-d'hote room, and said that "the master was going to murder the mistress," and brought up a crowd of gentlemen after her. K. I. was holding my hands at the time ; for they say that 1 wanted to make at Mdlle. Adele to tear her eyes out; so ni THE DODD FAMILY ABKOAU. that, naturally cnoiigli, perhaps, they believed Betty's .story; liowever that might be, they rushed in a body at K. 1. •who, quit tinghold of me, seized the poker. I needn't tell you what he is like when in a passion ! I'm told the scene was awful ; for they all made for the stairs together — K. I., after tl:em ! The appearance of the place after- •wards may give you some notion of what it witnessed : all the orange-trees in the tubs thrown down, two lamps smashed, the bust of the King and Queen on the landing in shivers, several of the banisters broken ; while tufts of hair, buttons, and In'ts of cloth were strewn about on all sides. The head-waiter is wearing a patch over his eye still, and the Swiss porter, one of the biggest men I ever saw, has cut his face fearfully by a fall into a glass globe with gold fish. It was a costly morning's work, Molly ! and if twenty pounds sees us through it, we're lucky! Mr. Proffles, too, the laudlord, came up to request we'd leave the hotel ; that there was nothing but rows and disturb- ances in the house since we entered it ; and much more of the same sort. K. I. flared up at this, and they abused each other for an hour. This is very unfortunate, for I hear that P. is a baron, and a great friend of the King ; for abroad, Molly dear, the nobles are not above anj-thing, and sell cigars, and show the town to strangers to turn a penny, without any one thinking the worse of them ! All this, as you may suppose, was a blessed preparation for the court breakfast ; but yet, by two o'clock we got away, and reached the Alk'e Yerte, when we heard that all the special trains were already of]', and had to take our places in the common conveyances meant for the public, and, worse again, to be separated from K. I., who had to go into a third-class, while ilary Anne and 1 were in a second. There we were, dressed up in full style in the noonday, Avith bare necks and arms, in a crowd of bagmen, officers, and clerks, who, you may be sure, had their own thoughts about ns; and indeed there's no saying what they mightn't have done as well as thought, if K. I. didn't come to the window every time we stopped, with a big stick in his hand, and by a very significant gesture gave the company to comprehend that he'd make mince veal of the man that molested tis A GRAND PllOCESSION. 55 You may think, IMolly, of what a two hours we spent, for the women in the train were worse than the men, and aUhongh I did not understand what they said, their looks were quite intelHgible ; but I have not patience to tell you more. We reached Mons at four o'clock ; a great part of the ceremony was over. The High Mass and Benediction pronounced by the Cardinal of j\Ialines — the rail was blessed — and the deputation had addressed the King, and his Majesty had replied, and all kinds of congratulations were exchanged, orders and crosses given to everybody, from the surveyors to the stokers, and now the procession was forming to the royal pavilion, where there were tables laid out for eight hundred people. K. I.'s scarlet uniform, though a little the worse for wear, and so tight in the waist that the last thi'oe buttons were left unfastened, procured him immediate respect, and we passed through sentries and patrols as if we were royalty itself; indeed, the military presented arms to K. I. at every step, and such clinking of muskets and bayonets I never heard before. All this time, Molly, we were going straight on, without knowing where to ; for K. I. said tome in a whisper, " Let us put a bold face on it, or they'll ask us for tickets or something of the kind;" and so we went, hoping every moment to see our fi'ieud the count, vv'ho would take us under his protection. If it wasn't for our own anxieties, the scene would have amused us greatly, for there was all manner of elegant females, and men in fine uniforms, and the greatest display of jewels I ever saw ; but for all that, we were getting uneasy, for we saw that they each carried cards in their hands, and that the official came and asked for them as they passed on. " We'll be in a nice way if Vanderdelft doesn't turn up," says K. I., and as he said it, there was the General himself beside us. He was greatly heated, as if he had been runninc: or walking fast, and althouo^h dressed in full uniform, his stock was loose and his cockod-hat was without the feather. " I was afraid I should have missed you," said he, in a hurried voice to Mary Anne, " and I'm half-killed running about after you. Where's the Queen- Mother ? " This wasn't very ceremonious, my dear, but I 6t5 THE DODD rASIlLV AUKOAD. didn't know what ho said at the time ; iiideeJ, ho spoke so fast, it was all Mary Anno could do to follow him ! for ho talked of everything and everybody in a breath, " We've not a minute to lose," cried he, drawing Mary Anne's arm inside his own. " If Leopold once sits down to table, I can't present you. Come along, and I'll get you a good place." How we pierced the crowd the saints alone can tell ! but the General went at them in a way of his own, and they fell back as they saw him coming, in a style that made us think we had no common guide to conduct us. At last, by dint of crushing, driving, and pushing every- body out of our way, we reached a kind ot barrier, where two fine-looking men in blue and gold wers taking the tickets. As jNIary Anne and the General were in advance of us, I didn't see wliat happened first; but when we came up, we found Vandei'delft in a flaring passion, and crying out, " These scullions don't know me — this canaille never heard of my name ? " " We're in a mess, Mrs. D.," said K. I. to me, in a whisper. " How can that be ? " said I. " We're in a mess," says he, again "and a pretty mess, too, or I'm mistaken ;" but he hadn't time for more, for just then the General kicked up the bar with his foot, and passed in with Mary Anne, flourishing his drawn sword in the air, and crying out, " Take them in flank — sabre them, every man — no prisoners ! — no quarter ! " Oh, Molly, I can't continue, though I'll never forget the scene that followed. Two big men in grey coats burst through the crowd and laid hands on the General, who, it seems, had made his escape out of a madhouse at Ghent a week before, and was, as they said, the most dangerous lunatic in all Belgium. It appeared that he had gone down to his own country-house near Brussels, and stolen his uniform and his orders, Ibr he was once on a time aide-de-camp to the Prince of Orange, and went mad after the lievolution. Just think of our situation as we stood there, amone: all the nobles and grandees, suffocated with laughter ; for as they tore the poor General away, he cried out " to take care of the Queen-Mother, and to be sure and get some- AN Undignified retreat. 57 ih'mrr to eat for the Ai^a of the Janissaries," mcanino K. I. ! ^ ' o The mob at this time began screeching and hooting, and there's no knowing how it might have ended, if it wasn't for the little Captain— ]\rorris is his name — that was once quartered at Bruff, and who happened to be there, and knew us, and he came up and explained who we were, and got us away to a coach, more dead than alive, Molly. And so we got back to Brussels that night, in a state of mind and body I leave you to imagine, K. I. abusing us all the way about the milliner's bill, the expense of the trip, and the exposur-e ! " It's clear," says he, " we may leave this city now, for you'll never recover what you call your ' position,' here, after this day's exploit !" You may conceive how humbled and broken I was when he dared to say that to me, Molly, and I didn't so much as give him a word back ! You'll see from this that life isn't all roses with us ; and indeed, for the last two days I've done nothing but crj^, and Mary Anne the same ; for how we're ever to go to court and be presented now, nobody can tell ! Morris advises K. r. to go into Germany for the summer, and maybe he is right ; but, to tell you the truth, Molly, I can't bear that little man — he has a dry, sneering kind of way with him that is odious to me. Mary Anne, too, hates him. So Father Midier won't buy " Judy," because she's not in calf. It's just like him — he must have everything in this life his own way! Send me the price of the wool by Purcell; he can get a post-bill for it ; and be sure to dispose of the fruit to the best advantage. Don't make any jam this year, for I'd rather have the money than be spending it on sugar. You'd not believe the straits I'm put to for a pound or two. It was only last week I sold four pair of K. I.'s drab shorts and gaiters, and a brown surtout, to a hawker for a trifle of fifteen francs, and persuaded him they were stolen out of his drawers ! and I believe he has spent nearly double the money in handbills, offering a reward for the thief! That's the fruits of his want of confidence, and the secret and mysterious way he behaves to me ! Many's the time I told him that his underhand tricks cost him half his income ! C3 THE noiu) family aeiioad. I tell him every day it's " no uso to be here if we don't live in a certain ptylc ;" nnd then ho says, " I'm quite ready to go back, Jiirs. D. It was never my v.ill Oiat wo came here at all." And there he is right, for it's just Ireland he's fit for! Father JMaher, and Tom Purcell, and Sam Davis arc exnefly the company to suit him ; hut it's very hard that me and the j^irls are to suil'er for his low tastes ! The Evening Mail, I sec, puts Dodsborough down at the bottom of a column, as if it Avas Ilolloway's Ointment. That's what we get by having dealings with an Orange newspaper. They could murder us — that's their feeling. They know in their hearts that they're heretics, and they hate the True Church. Th.ere is nothing I detest so much as bigotry. Go to Heaven i/ot(7- own way, and let the Protestants go to the other place, fJieirs. Them's my sentiments, J^Iolly, and I believe they're the sentiments of a good Christian ! I'm sorry for Peter Bclton, but Avhat business has he to think of a girl like Mary Anne ? If Doctor Cavanagh was dead himself, the whole practice of the country wouldn't be three hundred a year. Try and get an opportunity to tell him what I think, and say that lie ought to look out for one of the Davises; though what a di^^pensary doctor wants with a wife the Lord only knows ! K. I. civilly says he ought to be content making blisters for the neighbours, without wanting one on his own back ! That's the way he talks of women. Father ^laher never sent mo the lines for Betty Cobb, and maybe I'll be driven to have her cursed by a foreign priest after all. She and Paddy are the torment of our lives. I saved up five pounds to send them both back by a sailing-ship, but by good luck I discovered the vessel was going to Cuba instead of Cork, and so here they are still ; maybe it would have been better if I had sent them off, though the way was some- thing of a roundabout. There's no use in mj- speaking to K. I. about Christ}-, for he can get nothing for James. We may write to Vickers every week, but he never answers; he knows Parliament won't be dissolved soon, and he doesn't mind us. If I'd my will, there would be a general Election every year, at least, and then we'd have a chance SLIPPERINESS OF POLITICAL PARTIES. 59 of getting something. I don't know ys'liicli is worst, the Whisfs or the Tories, nor is there much difference between them. K. I. supported each of tbom in turn, and never got bit nor sup from one or other, jet ! I was sounding K. I. about Christy last night, and lie thinks you ought to send him to the gold diggings ; he wants nothing but a pickaxe and a tin cullender and a pair of "waterproof boots, to make a fortune there ; and that's more than we can say of the County Limerick. There's nothing so hard to provide for as a boy in these times, except a girl ! The trunks havg not arrived yet ; I hope you despatched them. YovlV attached and sincere friend, Jemima Dodd. LETTER VIIL BETTT COEB TO MRS. SHU3AN o'SHAT, PMESt's HOTISE, BRUFF. Dear Misses Shusaii, — This comes with my heart's sorrow that I'm not at home where I was bred and born, but livin' abroad like a pelican on a dissolute island, more by token that I never wanted to come, but was persuaded by them that knew nothin' about what they wor talking ; •but thought it was all figs, and lemons, and raisins, with green pays and the sun in season all the year round; but, on the contrahery, sich rain and wind I never seen afore ; and as for the eating, the saints forgive me if it's not true, but I b'l'eve I ate more rats since I've come, than ever ould Tib did since she was kittened. The drinkin's as bad, or worse. What they call wine is spoilt vinegar; and the vegables has no bone nor eatin' in them at all, but melts away in the mouth like butter in July. But 'tis the wickedness is the worst of all. Shusau ! but the men is bad, and the women worse. Of all the devils ever I GO THE DODD FAMILY ALUO.VD. liccrd of, tlicy bate tlicm, 'Tisu't a quiet walk to mass on Sunday, with maybe a decent boy beside you, discoorsin', or tlie Hke, and tlien sitting under a hedge for the evening, with your apron afore you, talkin' about tlie praties or tho price of pigs, or maybe tho polis ; but here 'tis dancin', and ronipin', and catin', with merry-go-rounds, swing- swongs, and skittles, all the day long. The danciu's dreadful ! they don't stand up foment other, like a jig, where anything of a dacent partner wouldn't so much as look hard at you, but keep minding his steps and humorin' the tune ; but they catch each other round the waist — 'tis true I am saying— and go huggin' and tcarin' about like mad, till they can't breathe nor spake ; and then, tho noise ! for 'tisn't one fiddle they have, but maybe twenty, with horns, and flutes, and a murderin' big brown tube, that a man blows into at one side, that makes a sound like tho sea among the rocks at Kelper ; and that's dancin', my dear ! I got lave from the mistress last Sunday to go out in the evening with Mr. Francis, the currier, as they call him — a mighty nice man, but a little free in his manners; and we went to the Moelenbeck Gardens, an iligant place, no doubt, with a hundred little tables under the trees, and a flare for dancin' and fireworks, and a boat on a lake, with an island in it, where there was a hermit — a fine- looking ould man, with a beard down to his waist, Ijut, for all that, no better than he ought to be, for he made an od'er to kiss me when I w-as going into the boat, and Mr. Francis laughed at me bekase I was angry. No matter, we went off to a place they call the Temple of Bakis, where there was a fat man, as I thought, stark nakit ; but it was flesh-coloured web he had on, and he was settin' on a beer-barrel, with a wreath of roses round his head, and looking as drunk as ever I seen ; and for half a franc apiece, Bakis pulled out the spiget, and gave you a glassful of the nicest drink ever was tasted — warm wine, with nutmeg in it, and cloves, and a taste of mint. I was afeerd to do more nor sup, seein' the place and the croud; but indeed, Shusan, little as I took, it got into my head ; and I sat down on the steps of the Temple, and begun to cry about home and J3odsborough : and something came over mc that Mr. Francis didn't mane wcllj and so I told BETTY COBB's TROUBLES. Gl everybody that I was a poor Irish girl, and that he was a wicked blaguard ; and then the polis came, and there was a shindy ! I don't know how far my head was wrong all the time ; and they said that I sung the " Croniawn Dhubh ;" maybe I did; but I know that I bate oflF the polis ; and at last they took me away home, when every stitch on me was in ribbins ; my iligant bonnet with the green bows as flat as a halfpeny ; and the bombazine the mistress gave me, all rags ; one of my shoes, too, was lost ; and except a handful of hair I tore out of the corporal's beard, 'twas all loss to me. This wasn't the worst ; for little Paddy Byrne, that was in bed for a baiting he got 'mong the hackney-coachmen, jumped up and flew at Mister Francis for tlie honour of ould Ireland ; and they fit for twenty minutes in the pantry, and broke every bit of glass and chancy in the house, foi-bye three lamps and some alybastard figures that was put there for safety ; and the end of it was, Mr. Francis was discharged, but wouldn't take his wages, if the master didn't pay him half a year in advance, with diet and washing, and his expenses home to Swisserland, wherever that is ; and there it is now, and master is in a law-shute, that evei-ybody says will go agin him ; for there's one good thing abroad, Shusan dear, the coorts stands by poor sarvants, and won't see them wronged by any cruel masters ; and maybe it would be taching ould Mister Dodd something, if they made him smart for this ! Ye may think, from all this, that I'd be glad to be back again, and so it is. I cry all day and night, and sorrow stich I do for either the mistress or the young ladies, and maybe at last they'll see 'tis best to send me home. They needn't begi'udge me the thrifle 'twould cost, for they're spending money like mad ; and even the mistress, that would skin a flay in Ireland, thinks nothing of layin' out ten or fifteen pounds here of a day. Miss Mary Anne is as bad as the mother, and grown so proud and stand off that I never spake to her. Miss Caroline is what she used to be, barrin' the spirits ; to be sure, she has no divarsion and no horse to ride, nor doesn't be out in the fields as she used, but for all that she bears it better than myself. Mister James is grown a young man in three weeks, and never passes me on the stair without a wink C2 THE DODD FAMILY ADnOAD. or a look of the same kind ; that's the way tlic Continent taclies good manners ! JNIr.s. Shusaii ! oh dear! oh dear! but 'tis wishing it I am, the day I come on this incon- tcntial tour. If I can't get back — though it's not my fault if I don't — send me the pair of strong shoes you'll find in my hair trunk, and the two petticoats in the corner. If you could get a bhxde in the big scissors, send it too, and the two bits of dimity I want for mcndin'. There was some Dandy Lion in a paper, I'd. like; for there's none here, they say, has strength in it. You'll bo able to send me these by somebody coming this way, for I hoerd mistress say everybody is travelliu' these times. What was it Father Tom used to take for the redness in his nose? mine is tormentin' me dreadful, and though I'm poulticin' it every night with ash-bark, earth-v,-orms, and dragon's blood, I think it's only worse it's gettin'. ]\lr. Francis said that I must larn to sleep with my nose higher than my head, though how I'm to do it, the saints alone can tell ! No time for more than to say your loving friend, Beth' Cobb. LETTER IX. KEHNX DODD TO TUOilAS rimCELI-, EilQ, BcUerae, Ernssela. Dear Tom, — It's no use in talking ; I can't go over to Ireland now, and you know that as well as my.self. Besides, what's the good of me taking a part in the eico- tions ? Who can tell which side will be uppermost, after all? And if one is "to enter, it's as well to ride the winning hor.vC." Vickcrs has behaved so badly, that I don't tliink I'd support him ; but there's a fortm'ght yet before the elections, and perhaps he may see the errors of his ways before that ! I've little heart or spirits for politics, for my life is SLOW PROGRESS OF BIEDICAL SCIENCE. G3 fairly bothered out of rae with domestic troubles. James is going ou very slowly. There was a bit of glove-leather round the ball — a most inexcusable negligence on the part of his second — tliat has given much uneasiness ; and he has a kind of night fever, that keeps him low and weak. "With that, too, he has too many doctors. Three of them come every morning, and never go away without a dispute. It strikes me forcibly, Tom, that medical science is one of the things that makes little progress, considering all the advantages of our century. I don't mean to say that they don't know better what's inside of you, what your bones are made of, that they haven't more hard names for everything than formerly ; but that when it comes to cure you of a toothache, or a colic, or a fit of the gout, my sure belief is they made just as good a hand of it two hundred years ago. I won't deny that they'll whip off your leg, tie one of 3'our arteries, or take your hip out of the socket quicker than they used long ago ; but how few of us, thank God, have need of that kind of skill ! and if wo have, what signifies a quarter of a minute more or less ? Tim Hackett, that was surgeon to our County Infirmary forty years, n^ver used any other tools than an old razor and a pair of pincers, and I believe he was jasfc as successful as Astley Cooper ; and yet these fellows that come to see James cover the table every day with instru- ments that would puzzle the Royal Society — things like patent corkscrews, scissors with teeth like a saw, and one little crankum for all the world like a landing-net : James is more afraid of that than all the rest. When I saw it first, I thought it was a new contrivance for taking tho fees in. The Pharmacopoeia — I hope I spell it right — is greater, to be sure, than long ago, but what's the advan- tage of that ? We never discover a new kind of beast for food, and I see little benefit in multiplying v.hat only disgusts you. 'Tis with medicine as with law, Tom ; the more precedents we have^ the jnore confused we get ; and where our ignorant ancestors saw their way clearly, we, with all our enlightenment, never can hit on the right track at all. The mill-owner and the engineer, the tanner, the dyer, the printer — ay, even tlie farmer, picks up some- C4 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. iLinp; every day that helps him in liis eraft. It's only the learued professions that never learn anythiiir,' : niaybo that's how they got the name " lucus a non," Tom, as Doctor Bell would say. You keep preaehini^' to mc about economy and making "both ends meet," and all that kind of balderdash; and if you only saw the way we're living, yould be surprised at our cheapness. Wlunevor a five-ponnd note sees mo through our bill for the day, I give myself a bottle of champagne at night out of gratitude ! You remember all ]\Irs. D.'s promi.scs about thrift and saving; and, faith, I must say, that so far as cutting " down the estimates " for the rest of the famil}', she's worthy of the Manchester school, but whenever it touches herself, her liberality becomes boundless. I believe it would le cheaper to give the milliner a room in the house than pay her coach-hire, for she's here every morning, and generally in my room when I'm shaving, sometimes before I'm up. Kot that this trifling circumstance ever disconcerted her. On my conscience, I believe she'd have talicn Eve's measure before Adam, without a blush at the situation ! So far as I have seen of foreign life, Tom, shamelessness is the grand charac- teristic, and I grieve to say that one picks up the indecency much easier than the irregular verbs. 1 wish, however, T had nothing to coni2:)]aiu of but this. I told you in one of my late letters that I was getting into law here ; the plot is thickening since that, and I have now, I believe, four actions — I hope it is not five — pending in four different courts ; in some I'm the plaintiff, in some the defendant, and in another I'm something between the two; but what that may be, or what con- sequences it entails, I know as much as I do about calculating the next eclipse ! Indeed, to distinguish between the several suits, and the advocates I have engaged, is no small dilliculty, and a considerable part of every conference is occupied with purely introductory matter. These foreign lawyers have a mysterious kind of way with them too, that always gives you the impres- sion that a lawsuit is something like the Gunpowder Plot ! There's a fellow comes to me every morning for instruc- A D05IEST1C GUERILLA, G5 tions, as he calls it, muffled up in a great cloak, and using as many precautions against being seen by the servants as if he were going to blow up the Government. I'd not be so sensitive on the subject, if it hadn't provoked a species of annoyance, at which, perhaps, you'll be more disposed to laugh than sympathize. For the last week Mrs. D. has adopted a kind of war- fare at which she, I'll be bound to say, has lew equals and no superior — a species of irregular attack, at a,ll times and on all subjects, by innuendo and insinuation, so dexterously thrown out as to defy opposition ; for you might as well take your musket to keep off the mosquitoes ! What she was driving at I never could guess, for the assault came on every flank, and in all manner of ways. If I was dressed a little more care- fully than usual, she called attention to my " smartness ; " if less so, she hinted that I was probably going out " on the sly." If I stayed at home, I was " waiting for some- body ; " if I went out, it was to " meet them." But all this guerilla warfare gave way at last to a grand attack, when I ventured to remonstrate about some extrava- gance or other. "It came well from one,'' she burst forth, with indignant anger — " it came well from me to talk of the little necessary expenses of the family — the bit they ate, and the clothes on their backs." She spoke as if they were Mandans or Iraquois, and lived in a wio'wam! "It came well from me, living the life I did! to grudge them the commonest requirements of decency!" " Living the life I did ! " I avow to you, Tom, the words staggered me. Warren Hustings tells us, that when Burke concluded his tei-rible invective, that he actually sat for five minutes overwhelmed with a sense of guilt ; and so stunning was this charge, that it took me full double as long to rally 1 for though Mrs. D.'s eloquence may not possess all the splendour or sublimity of the great Edmund, there is a homely significance — a kind of natural impressiveness about it, not to be despised. " Living the life I did," rang in my ears like the words of a judge in a charge. It sounded like — " Kenny Dodd, you have been fairly convicted by an honest and impartial jury ! " and I confess I sat there YOL. I. F C)C) THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. expecting to hear '' tlic last pcntcncc of tlio law." It was oiil}' after some interval I was ablo to ask myself, " what was really the kind of life I had been leading ? " My memory assui-ed me it was a very stupid, tiresome existence — very good-for-notliing and uninstrnctive. It ■was by no mcnns, however, one of flagrant vice or any ontrngeous wit-kedncss; and I couldn't help muttering with honest Jack, — "If sack and sugar Le a sin, Goi.1 belji the wicked !" Tlic only tilings like personal amusements I had indulged in being gin-and-water and dominoes — cheap pleasures, if not very i'ascinating ones ! " Living the life I did ! " Why, what does the woman mean ? Is she throwing in my teeth the lazy, useless, unpi'ofitable course of my daily existence, Avithout a pursuit, except to hear the gossip of the town — without an object, except to retail it ? " ^Irs. D.," said I, at last, "you are, generally speaking, comprehensible. AVhat- ever faults may attach to your parts of speech, it must be owned they usually convey your meaning. Now, for the better maintenance of this characteristic, will you graciously be pleased to explain the words you have just spoken ? What do you mean by the ' life I am lead- ing?'" "Not before the girls, certainly, Mr. D.," said she, in a Lady !Macbeth whisper, that maele my blood curdle. The mischief was out at once, Tom — I know you are laughing at it already — it's quite true, she was jealous — mad jealous ! Ah, Tom, my boy, it's all very good fun to laugh at Kecley, or Buckstone, or any other of those divci'ting vagabonds who can convulse the house with such a theme, but in real life the farce is downright tragedy. There is not a single comfort or consolation of your life that is not kicked clean from under you ! A system of normal agitation is a fine thing, they tell us, in politics, bat it is a cruel adjunct of domestic life ! Everything you say, every look you give, every letter you seal, or every note you receive, are counts in a mysterious indictment against you, till at last you are faraid to blow 3-our nose, lest it be taken for a signal to MARY JANE. 67 the fat widow kcly that is caressing her poodle at the window over the way ! You may be sure, Tom, that I repelled the charge with all the indignation of injured innocence. I invoked my thirty years' good character, the gravity of my demeanour, the grey of my whiskers; I confessed to twenty other minor misdemeanors — a taste for practical jokes, a love of cribbage and long whist ; I went further — I expressed a kind of St. Kevenism about women in general ; but she cut me short Avith — " Pray, Mr. D., make one exception ; do be gallant enough to say that there is one, at least, not included in this category of horrors." '' "What are you at now ? " cried I, almost losing all patience. "Yes, sir," said she, in a grand melodramatic tone, that she always reserves for the peroration — as postilions keep a trot for the town — "yes, sir, I am well accustomed to your perfidy and dissimulation. I know perfectly for what infamous purposes abroad your family are treated so ignominiously at home ; I'm no stranger to your doings." I tried to stop her by an appeal to common sense — she despised it. I invoked my age — egad ! I never put my foot in it till then. That was exactly what made me the greatest villain of all ! "Whatever venera- tion attaches to white hairs, it must be owned they get mighty ill treated in discussions like the present — at least, Mrs. D. assured me so, and gave me to understand that one pays a higher premium for their morality, as they do for their life-assurance, as they grow older. "Not," added she, as her eyes glittered with anger, and she sidled near the door for an exit — " not but, in the estima- tion of others, you may be quite an Adonis — a young gentleman of wit and fashion — a beau of the first water ; I have no doubt Mary Jane thinks so — you old wretch ! " This, in^ alt, and a bang of the door that brought down an oil picture that hung over it, closed the scene. " Mary Jane thinks so ! " said I, with ray hand to my temples to collect myself. Ah, Tom ! it would have required, a cooler head than mine was at that moment to go hunting through the old archives of memory ! jSTor will I torment you with even a narrative of my strus:gles. F 2 ^ 63 TUE DODD FAMILY ABUOAP. I pnsscd that evening niul tlie iiif^^ht in a state of lialf cli.>y the way, ^Nfoms is a better fellow than I used to think him : a little priggi.sh or so, but good-hearted at bottom, and honest as the sun. I think he has an eye on Mary Anne. Not that at present he'd have much chance in that quarter. These foreign counts and barons give a false glitter to society that throws into the shade all untitled gentility ; and your mere country gentleman beside them is like your mother's old silver teapot on a table with a show specimen of Elkington's new galvanic plate. Not but if you wanted to raise a trifle of money on cither, the choice would be very difficult. I'll keep anything more for another letter, and now sign myself Tour old and attached friend, Kenny I. Dodd. Petits Cannes, Brussels, Tuesday Morning. LETTER XIL Mng. DODD TO MISTRESS MART OALLAGHF.R, DOCSBOROTTGH. Deau Molly, — The blessed Saints only can tell what sufferings I have gone through the last two days, and it's more than I'm equal to, to say how it happened ! The whole family has been turned topsy and turvy, and there's not one of us isn't upside down ; and for one like me, that loves to live in peace and enmity with all mankind, this is a sore trial ! Many's the time you heard me remark that if it wasn't for K. I.'s temper, and the violence of his passion, that A MOTHER S POINT OP VIEW. 107 ■we'd be rich and well off this day. Time, tliey say, cures many an evil ; but I'll tell you one, Molly, that it never improves, and that is, a man's wilful nature; on the contrary, they only get more stubborn and cross- grained, and I often think to myself, what a blessed time one of the young creatures must have had of it, married to some patriarch in the Old Testament ; and then I reflect on my own condition — not that Kenny Dodd is like anything in the Bible ! And now to tell you, if I m able, some of my distresses. You have heard about poor dear James, and how he was shot, but you don't know that these last sis weeks he has never been off his back, with three doctors, and sometimes five-and -thirty leeches on him ; and what with the torturing him with new-fashioned instruments, and continued "repletion," as they call it — if it hadn't been for strong wine-gruel that I gave him, at times, "unknownst" — my sure belief is that he wouldn't have been spared to us. This has been a terrible blow, Molly ; but the ways of Providence is unscrupulous, and. we must submit. Here it is, then. James, like every boy, spent a little more money than he had, and knowing well his father's temper, he went to the Jews to help him. They smarted the poor dear child, who, in, his innocent heart, knew nothing of the world and its wicked ways. They made him take all kinds of things instead of cash — Dutch tiles, paving-stones, an altar-piece, and a set of surveying tools, amongst the rest, and these he had to sell again to raise a trifle of cash. Some of them be disposed of mighty well — particularly the altar-piece — but on others he lost a good deal, and, at the end, was a heavy balance in debt. If it hadn't been for the duel, however, he says he'd have no trouble at all in *' carrying on " — that's his own word, and I suppose alludes to the business. Be that as it may, his wound was his ruin. Nobody knew how to manage his aflfairs but himself. It was the very same way with my grandfather, Maurice Lynch McCarthy, for when he died there wasn't a soul left could make anything of his papers. There was large sums in them —thousands and thousands of pounds mentioned — but 108 THE DODD FAMILY ABUOAD. wlicro tlicy were, and what's become of them, wo never discovered. And so with James. There he was, stretched on his bed, while vilhiius and schemers were working his ruin ! The business came into the courts, here, wliich, from all I can learn, ^Jolly, are not a bit better than at home with ourselves. Indeed, I believe, wherever one goes, lawyers is just the same for roguery and rainpacity. To be sure, it's comfort to tliiuk that you can have another, to the full as bad as tlie one against you ; and if there is any abuse or bad language going, you can give it as hot as you get it; that's equal justice, ^lolly, and one of the proudest boasts of the British constitution! And you'd suppose that K. I., sitting on the bench for nigh four-and- twenty years, would know that as Avell as anybody. Yet what does he do ? — you'll not believe mc when I tell you! Instead of paying one of these creatures to go in and torment the others — to pick holes in all he said, and get fellows to swear against them — he must stand out, forsooth, and be his own lawyer ! And a blessed business he made of it ! A reasonable man would explain to the judges how it all was — that Jimies was a child — that it was the other day only he was Hying a kite on the lawn at home — that he knew as much about wickedness as K. I. did of Poradisc^ — that the villains that led him on ought to be publicly whipped ! Faith, I can fancy, Molly, it was a beautiful field for any man to display every commotion of the heart; — but what does he do? He gets up on his legs — I didn't see, but I'm told it — he gets up on his legs and begins to ballyrag and black- guard all the courts of justice, and the judges, and the attorneys, down to the criers — he spares no'judy ! There is nothing too dreadful for him to say, t.nd no words too bad to expre.ss it in ; till, their patience being all run out, they stop him at last, and give orders to have hint taken from the spot, and thrown into a dungeon of the town gaol — a terrible old place, Molly, that goes by the name of the " Petit Careme ! " and wliere they say the diet is only a thin sheet of paper above starving. And there he is now, Molly : and you may picture to yourself, as the poet says, " what frame he's in! " The KEEPING IT SNUG. 109 news reached me when we were going to the play. I was under the hands of the hair-dresser, and I gave such a screech that he jumped back, and burned himself over the mouth with the curling-irons. Even that was a relief to me, Molly ; for Mary Anne and myself laughed till we cried again ! I was for keeping the thing all snug and to ourselves about K. I. ; but Mary Anne said we should consult Lord George, that was then in the house, and going with us to the theatre. They are a wonderful people, the great English aristocracy ; and if it's anything more than another distinguishes them, 'tis the indiiference to every kind and description of misfortune. I say this, because, the moment Lord George heard the story, he lay down on the sofa and laughed, and roared, till I thought he'd split his sides. His only regret was that he hadn't been there, in the courts, to see it all. As for James's share of the trouble, he said it " didn't signify a rush ! " He made the same remark I did myself — that James was the same as an infant, and could, consequently, know nothing of the world and its pompous vanities. " I'll tell you how to manage it all," said he, " and how you'll not only escape all gossip, but actually refute even the slightest scandal that may get abroad. Say, first of all, that Mr. Dodd is gone over to England — we'll put it in the Galipiani — to attend his parliamentary duties. The Belgian papers will copy it at once. This being done, issue invitations for an evening at home, ' tea and dance ' — that's the way to do it. Say that the governor hates a ball, and that you are just taking the occasion of his absence to see your friends without disturbing him. The people that will come to you won't be too critical about the facts. Believe me, the gay company will be the veryjast to inquire where is the head of the house. I'll take care that you'll have everybody worth having in Brussels, and with Latour's band, and the supper by Dubos, I'd like to see who'll have a spare thought for Mr. Dodd the absent." I own to you, Molly, the counsel shocked my feelings at first, and I asked my heart, " What will the world say, if it ever comes out that we had our house full of com- pany, and the height of gaiety going on, when the head 110 TUE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. of the family was, maybe, in chains in a dungeon ? " "Don't you perceive," says Lord Cr., "that what I'm advising will just prevent the possiljility of all that? — that you are actually rescuing your laniily, by a master- stroke, from the evil consequences of !Mr. D.'s rashness? As to the boldness of the policy," added he, " that is tho only merit it possesses." And then he said something about the firing at St. Sebastian above somebody's head, that I didn't quite rightly understand. The upshot was, Molly, I was convinced, not, you may be sure, that I felt any pleasure or gratification in the prospect of a ball under such trying circumstances, but just as Lord G. said, I felt I was " rescuing the family." When we came home from the play — for we went with heavy hearts, I assure you, though we afterwards laughed a great deal — we set about writing the invitations for "Our Evening;" and although James and Mary Anne assisted Lord Gr., it was nigh daybreak when we were done. You'll ask, where was Caroline ? And you might well ask ; but, as long as I live I'll never forget her un- natural conduct! It isn't that she opposed everything about the ball, but she had the impudence to say to my face, " that hitherto we had been only ridiculous, but that this act would be one of downright shame and disgrace." Her language to Lord George was even worse, for she told him that his " counsel was a very sorry requital for the generous hospitality her father had always extended to him." Where the hussey got the words so glibly, I can't imagine ; but she, that rarely speaks at all, talked away with the fluency of a lawyer. As to helping us to addrcbS the notes, she vowed she'd rather cut her fingers ofl'; and what made this worse was, that slie's the only one of them knows the genders in French, and whether a soii-ee is a man or a woman ! You may imagine the trouble of the next day ; for, in order to have tlie ball come oif before K. I. was out, we were only able to give two days' notice. Little the people that come to your house to dance or to sup know or think what a deal of trouble — not to say more— it costs to give a ball. Lord George tells me, that even the queen herself always gives it in another house, so she's not put out of PKEPAEATIONS FOR THE PARTY. Ill her way with the preparations — and, to be sure, what is more natural ? — and that she wouldn't like to be exposed to the turmoil of taking down beds, hanging lustres, fixing sconces, raising a platform for the music, and settling tables for the supper. I'm sure and certain, if she only knew what it was to pass such a day as yesterday was with me, she'd never have a larger party than that lord that's always in waiting, and the ladies of the bedroom ! As for regular meals, Molly, we had none. There was a ham and cold chickens in the lobby, and a veal pie and some sherry on the back stairs ; and that's the way we breakfasted, dined, and supped. To be sure, we laughed heartily all the time, and I never saw Mary Anne in such spirits. Lord George was greatly struck with her — I saw it by his manner — and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if something came of it yet! I have little time to say more now, for I'm called down to see the flowerpots and orange-trees that's to line the hall and the stairs ; but I'll try and finish this by post hour. As I see that this cannot be despatched to-day, I'll keep it over, to give you a " full and true " account of the ball, which Lord George assures me will be the greatest fete Brussels has seen this winter ; and, indeed, if I am to judge from, the preparations, I can well believe him ! There are seven men cooks in the kitchen making paste and drinking sherry in a way that's quite incredible, not to speak of an elderly man in my own room that's doing the M'Carthy arms in spun-sugar for a temple, that is to repre- sent Dodsborough in the middle of the table, with K. I. on the top of it, holding a flag, and crying out something in French that means welcome to the company. Poor K. I., 'tis something else he's thinking of all the time! Then, the whole stairs and the landing is all one bower of camellias, and roses, and lilies of the valley, brought all the way from Holland for another ball, but, by Lord George's ingenuity, obtained by us. As for ice, Molly, you'd think my dressing-room was a Panorama of the North Pole ; and there's every beast • of that i-egion done in strawberries or lemon, with native creatures, the colour of life, in cofiee or chocolate. The music will be the great 112 THR DODD FAMILY ABROAD. German Brass l^and, flfty-cit^lit performerH, and two Blacks with cymbals. They're practi.-.iiif^ now, and llie noise is dreadful ! Carts arc cornini; in every moment with various kinds of eatables, for 1 must tell yon, Molly, they don't do thiiic:s here the way we used at Dodsboronph. Plenty of cold roast chickens, tongues, and sliced ham, apple-pies, tarts, jell_v, and Spanish ilummer}', with Naples biscuits and a plum-cake, is a fine supper in Ireland ; and if yon bcfjin with sherry, you can always 6uish with punch : but here, there's nothing that ever was eaten they won't have. Ice when they're hot, soup when they're chilly, oyster patties and champagne continually during the dancing, and every delicacy under the sun afterwards on the supper-table. There's notliing distresses me in it all hut the Polka, ]\Iolly. I can't learn it. I always slide when I ought to hop, and where there's a hop, I duck down in spite of me 1 And whether it's the native purity of an Irishwoman, or that I never was reared to it, I can't say, but the notion of a man's arm round me keeps me in a flutter, and I'm always looking about to see how K. I. bears it. I suppose, how- ever, I'll get through it well enough, for Lord George is to be my partner, and as I know K. I.'s " safe," my mind is more easy. Perhaps it's the shortness of the invitation, but there's a great many apologies coming in. The English Ambas- sador won't come. Lord G. saj's it's all the better, for the Tories are going out, and it will be a great service to K. I. with the AVliigs if it's thought he didn't invite him ! This may be true, but it's no reason in life for the Austrian, the French, the Prussian, and the Spanish ^linisters sending excuses. Lord George, however, thinks it's the terrible state of the Continent explains it all, and the Despotic Powers are so angry with Lord Dudley Stuart and Roe- buck, that they like to insult the English ! If it be so, they haven't common sense. Kenny James has taken a turn with all their parties, and much good it has done liim ! Lord G. and Mary Anne are in high spirits, notwith- standing these disappointments, for " the Margravine " is coming — at least so he tells me ; but whether the Mar- CAPTAIN morris's MEANNESS. 113 graviue be a man or woman, Molly, or onlj'' something to eat, I don't rightly know, and I'm ashamed to ask. I have just been greatly provoked by a visit from Cap- tain Morris, who called twice this morning, and at last insisted on seeing me. He came to entreat me, he says, " if not to abandon, at least to put off", our ball till Mr. Dodd's return." I tried to browbeat liim, Molly, for his impertinent interference, but it wouldn't do ; and he showed me that he knew perfectly well where K. I. was — a piece of information that, of course, he obtained from Caroline. Oh, Molly dear, when one's own flesh and blood turns against them — when children forget all the lessons you've been teaching them from infancy — it's a sore, sore trial ! Not but I have reason to be thankful. Mary Anne and James are like part of myself; nothing mean or little-minded about them, but fine, generous, con- fiding creatures — happy for to-day, hopeful for to-morrow ! When I mentioned to Lord C what Morris came about, he only laughed, and said, " It was a clever dodge of the half-pay — he wanted an invitation ; " and I see now that such must have been his object. The more one sees of mankind, the greater appears their meanness ; and in my heart I feel how unsuited guileless, simple-hearted crea- tures like myself are to combat against the stratagems and ambuscades of this wicked world. Not that little ^Morris will gain much by his morning's work, for Mary Anne says that Lord George will never suffer him to get on full pay as long as he lives. " A friend in need is a friend indeed," Molly, more pai-ticularly when he's a lord. The Margravine is a princess, Molly. I've just found it out ; for James is to receive her at the foot of the stairs, Mary Anne and myself on the lobby. Lord G. says she must have whist at half-" Nap." points, and always play with her own " Gentleraan-in-Waiting." She never goes out on any other conditions. But he says, " She's cheap even at that price, for an occasion like the pi'esent ; " and maybe he's right. i No more now, for my gown is come to be tried on. * * * * * I * ; "" ****** Dear Itlolly, I'll try and finish this, since, maybe, it's 70L. I J 114 THE DODD FAMILY ABUOAD. tlic last lines you'll ever receive from your nttacLccl friend. Three days liavo elapsed since I put my hand to paper, and three such days I'll bo bound no human creature ever pasisod. Out of one fit of hysterics into another, and tak- ing the strongest stimulants, with no more effect than it" they were water ! ^ly screeches, I am told, were dreadful, and there's scarcely one of the family can't show the mark of my nails ; and this is what K. I. has brought me to. You know well what I used to Buffer from him at Dodsborough, and the terrible scenes we always had when the Christmas bills came in ; but it's all nothing, Molly, to what has happened here. But as my uncle Joe Baid, no good ever came out of a " mess-alliance." My moments are few, so I'll be brief. The ball was beautiful, Molly ; there never was the like of it for ele- gance and splendour! For great names, rank, fashion, beauty, and jewels, it was, they tell mo, far beyond tho Court, because we had a great many people who, from political reasons, refuse to go to Leopold, but who had no prejudices against your humble servant ; for, strange enough, they have Orangemen here as well as in Ireland ! Princes, dukes, counts, and generals came pouring in, all shining with stars and crosses, blue and red ribbons, and keys worked on their coat-tails, till nearly twelve o'clock. There were then nigh seven hundred souls in the house, eating, dancing, drinking, and enjoying them- selves ; and a beautiful sight it was : everybody happy, and thinking only of pleasure. Mary Anne looked ele- gant, and many remarked that we must be sisters. Oh dear, if they only saw me now ! There was a mazurka, that lasted till half-past one, for it's a dance that everybody must take out each in turn, and you'd fancy there was no end to it, for indeed they never do seem tired of embracing and holding each other round the waist ; but Lord George came to say that the Margravine had finished her whist and wanted her supper, so down we must go at once. James was to take her Supreme Highness, and tho Prince of Dammiseisen — a name that always made mo laugh — was to take me ; but he is a great man in Ger- many, and had a kingdom of his own till he was " modi- THE BALL-SUPPEE. 115 fied " by Bonaparte, which means, as Lord George says, that " he took it out in money." But why do I dwell on these things ? Down we went, Molly — down the narrow stairs — for the supper was laid out below — and a terrible crush it was, for, strange as it may seem, your grand people are just as anxious to get good places as any ; and I saw a duke fighting his way in, just like old Ted Davis, at Dodsborough ! When we came to the last flight of stairs the crowd was awful, and the banisters creaked, and the wood-work groaned, so that I thought it was going to give way ; and, instead of James moving on in front, he pressed back upon us, and increased the confusion, for we were forced forward by hundreds behind us. "What's the matter, James ? " said I. "Why don't you go on ? " " I'd rather be excused," said he. " It's like Donny- brook Fair, down there — a regular shindy ! " It was no less, Molly ; for although the hall was filled with servants, there were two men armed with sticks, laying about them like mad, and fighting their way to- wards the supper-room. " Who are those wretches ? " cried I ; " why don't they turn them out? " The words weren't well out, my dear M0II3-, when the door gave way, and the two, trampling down all before them, passed into the room. From that moment it was crash after crash ! Lamps, lustres, china, glass, plates, dishes, fruit, and confectionary, flying on all sides. In less time than I'm writing it, the table was cleared, and of the elegant temple there wasn't a bit standing. I just got inside the door to see the M'Carthy arms in smithereens ! and K. I. — for it was him ! — dancing over them, with that little blackguard Paddy Byrne smashing everything round him ! I went off into fits, Molly, and never saw more ; and, indeed, I wish with all my heart that I never came to again, if what they tell me be only true. K. I., it seems, no sooner demolished the supper, than he set to work on the company. He snatched olf the Margravine's wig, and beat her with it, kicking Dammiseisen and two other princes into the street. They say that manv of the I 2 116 THK DODD FAMir-Y ABROAD. nobility leaped out of the first-piiir windows, and one fat old gcntli'inan, a cluiniberlaiii to tlie King of Uavaria, was caught liy a lamj) iron, and hung there for twenty minutes, with a mob shouting round him ! This all came of the Belgians letting out Iv. I. at one o'clock, which, according to their reckoning, was the end of his three days. I'm getting another attack, so I must conclude. We left Brussels the next morning, and arrived here the same night. I don'i know where we are going, and I don't care, K. I. has never had the face to come near me since his infamous conduct, and I hope, for the little time I may be .spared on this side of the grave, not to see him again. I^lary Anue is in bed too, and nearly as bad as myself; and as for Caroline, I wouldn't let her into tlie room ! Lord George took James away to his own lodg- ings till K. I. learns to l)ehave more like a Christian ; but when that may be is utterly beyond Your afilictcd and disgraced friend, Jemima Dodd. Hotel d'Angletcrre, Liege. • **#*« Dear Molly, I open this to say that I have made my will, for, if Uivine Providence doesn't befriend me, your poor Jemima will be in paradise before this reaches you ! I have left you my black satin with the bugles, and my brown bombazine, which, when it is dyed, will be very nice mourning for common wear. I also bequeath to you the things you'll find in the oak press in my own room, and ten silver spoons, and a fish-knife marked with the M'Carthy arms, which, not to be too jjarticuiar, I have put down in the will as " plate and linen." I leave you, besides, my book of " Domestic Cookery," " The Com- plete Housewife," and the " Way to Glory," by St. Francis Xavier, There are marks all through them with my own pen ; and be particular to observe the receipt for snow pancakes, and the prayers for a " Plenary " after Candlemas. MR. DODd's good-bye TO LIFE. 117 It will be a comfort to your feelings to know that I am departing from this life in peace and charity with every one. Tell Mat I forgive him the fleece he stole out of the hayloft ; and though he swears, still, he never laid hand on it, who else was there, Molly ? You can give Kitty Hogan the old shoes in the closet, for, though she never wears any, she'd like to have them for keepsakes ! K. I. cared too little for my peace, here, to suppose that he will think of my repose hereafter, so that Father John can take the yearling calf and the two ewes out in masses! My feelings is overcoming me, M0II3', and I can't go on ! breathing my last, as I am, in a far-away land, and sink- ing under the cruelty of a hard-hearted man ! I think it would only be a decent mark of respect to my family if the McCarthy arms was hung up over the door, to show I wasn't a Dodd. The crest is an angel sheltering a fox, or a beast like a fox, under his wing ; but you'll see it on the spoons. When you sell the piggs — maybe I oughtn't to put two g's in them, but my head ig wandering — pay old Judy Cobb two-and-sevenpence for the yarn, and say that I won't stop the uiuepence out of Betty's wages. Maybe, when I'm gone, they'll begin to see what they've lost, and maybe K. I. will feel it too, when he finds no buttons on his shirts and the strings out of his waistcoat ; and what's far worse, nobody to contradict him, and control his wilful nature! That'3 the very struggle that's killing me now ! Nobody knows, nor would believe, the opposition I've given him for twenty years. But hell feel it, Molly, and that before I'm six weeks in the grave. I don't know my age to a day or a month, but you can put me down at thirty-nine, and maybe the Blast of Free- dom would say a word or two about my family. I'd like that far better than to be " deeply regretted," or " to the inexpressible grief of her bereaved relations." I have made it a last request that my remains arc to be sent home, and as I know K. I. won't go to the expense, he'll have to bear all the disgrace of neglecting my dying entreaty. That's my legacy to him, Molly ; and if it's not a very profitable one, the " duty " will not be heavy. Remember me affectionately to everybody, and say that 118 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. to the last my hcjii-t was iu my own country ; and indeed, Molly, I never did hear so much good about Ireland as since we loft it ! I have just taken a drauji^ht, that has restored nio won- derfully. It has a taste of cura(,'oa, and evidently suits my constitution. !Maybo Providence, in his mercy, means to reserve me for more trials and misfortunes ; for I feel sti'ongor already, and am goint,' to tasto a bit of roast duck, with sago and onions. JJetty has done it for mo herself. If I do recover, ^Moll}', I promise you K. I. won't find me the poor submissive worm he has been trampling upon these more than twenty years ! I feel more like myself already ; the " mixture " is really doing me good. You may write to me to this place, with directions t ) be opened by ^lary Anne, if I'm no more. Tho very thought of it overwhelms me. The idea of one's own death is the most terrible of all afllictious ; and as for me, I don't think I could ever survive it. I mean to send for K. I., to take leave of him, and for- give bim, before I go. I'm not sure that I'd do so, Molly, if it wasn't for the opportunity of telling him my mind about all his cruelty to me, and that I know well what he's at, and that he'll be married again before six months. That's the treachery of men ; but there's one comfort — they are well paid off for it when they marry — as they always do — some young minx of nineteen or twenty. It's exactly what K. I. is capable of; and I mean to show him that I see it, and all the consequences besides. The mixture is really of service to me, and I feel as if I could take a sleep. Mary Anne will seal this if I'm not awake before post hour. 119 LETTER XIII. FROM K. I. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRtJPP, Liege, Tuesday Evening. My dear Tom, — Your reproaches are all just, but I really have not had courage to -wield a pen these last three weeks, nor have I now patience to go back on the past. Perhaps when we meet — if ever that good time is to come round again — I may be able to tell you something of my final exit from Brussels ; but novt^ with the shame yet fresh, and the disgrace recent, I cannot find pluck for it. Here we are at what they call the " Pavilion," having changed from the Hotel d'Angleterre yesterday. You must know, Tom, that this same city of Liege is the noisiest, most dinning, hammering, hissing, clanking, creaking, welding, smelting, and furnace-roaring town in Europe. Something like a hundred thousand tinkers are at work every day ; and from an egg saucepan to a steam-boiler there is something to be hammered at by every capacity ! You would say that tumult like this might satisfy the most craving appetite for uproar ; but not so : the Liegeois are regular gluttons for noise, and they insist upon having Verdi's new opera of " Nabuchodonosor " performed at their great theatre. Now, this same theatre is exactly in front of the Hotel d'Angleterre, so that when, by dint of time, patience, and a partial dulness of the acoustic nerves, we were getting used to steam - factories and shot-foundries, down comes Verdi on us, with a din and clangour to which even the works of Seraing were like an ^olian harp ! Now, of all the Pretenders of these days of especial humbug, with our " Long ranges," Morison's pills, and Louis Napoleons, I don't think you could show me a greater charlatan 120 THE DODD FAMILY ABUOAD. than tliis samo Vcnli. I don't pretend to know a bit about music ; I only knew two tunes all my life, " God Bavo tlie King " and " ratrick's Day," and these only because wo used to stand up and take off our hats to them in the Dublin theatre ; but modnhited, soft sounds have always had their cllcct on me, and I never heard a country girl singing as she beetled her linen beside a river's bank, or listened to the deep bay of an old fox- hound of a clear winter's morning, without feeling that there was something inside of me somowhcro that re- sponded to the note. But this fellow is all marrow-bonea and cleavers! Trumpets, drums, big fiddles, and bassoons are the softest things he knows. I take it as a providen- tial thing that his music cracks every voice after one season ; for before long there will be nobody left in Europe to sing him, except it be the steam-whistlo of an express train ! But we live in strange times, Tom, tint's the fact. The day was when our operas used to be taken from real life — or what authors and poets thought was real life. We Lad the "Maid of tlie Mill," and the "Duenna," and *' Love in a A'^illagc," and a score more, pleasant and amusing enough; and except that there was nothing wrong or incomprehensible in them, perhaps they might have stood their ground. There was the great failure, Tom ; everybody could understand them, and nobody need be shocked. Now, the taste is, puzzle a great many, and shock every one ! A grand opera now must be from the Old Testament. Not even drums and kettle-drums would save you, if you haven't Moses or Melchisedek to sit down in white raiment, and see some twenty damsels, with petticoats about as long as a lace ruffle, capering and attitudinizing in a way that ought to make even a patriarch blush. Now, this is all wrong, Tom. The public might bo amused without profanity, and even the most inveterate lover of daucing needn't ask David and Uriah for a pas de detix. And now, let me remark to you, that a great deal of that so-much-vaunted social liberty abroad is neither more nor less that this same latitude with respect to any and everything. We at home were bred RETEENCHMENT. 121 up to believe that good breeding mainly consists in a certain reserve — a cautious deference not alone for the feelings, but even the prejudices of others; that you have no right to offend your neighbour's sense of respect for fifty things that you held cheaply yourself. They reverse all this here. Everybody talks to you of yourself, ay, and of your wife and your mother, as frankly as though they were characters of the heathen mythology ; they treat you like a third party in these discussions, and very likely it was a practice of this kind originally suggested the phrase of being " beside oneself." You'll perhaps remark that my tone is very low and depressed, Tom ; and I own to you I feel so. For a man that came abroad to enjoy himself, I am, to say the least, going a mighty strange way about it. The most rigid moralist couldn't accuse me of any epicurism, for I seem to be husbanding my continental pleasures Avith a laud- able degree of self-denial. Would you like a peep at us ? Well, Mrs. D. is over there in No. 19, in bed with four- teen leeches on her temples, and a bottle as big as a black jack of camphor and sal- volatile beside her as a kind of table beverage ; Mary Anne and Caroline are somewhere in the dim recesses of the same chamber, silent, if they're not sobbing; James is under lock and key in No. 17, with Ollendorff's Method, and the Gospel of St. John in French ; and here am I, trying to indite a few lines, with blast furnaces and brass instruments baying ai'ound me, and Paddy Byrne cleaning knives outside the door ! Mrs. D.'s attack is not serious, but it is very distress- ing. She has got the notion into her head that foreign apothecaries have a general pardon for poisoning, and so she requires that some of us should always take part of her physic before she touches it. The consequence is, that I have been going through a course of treatment that would have pushed an elephant rather hard. I can stand some things pretty well ; but what they call refri- gerants, Tom, phay the devil with me ! and I am driven to brandy and water to an extent that I can scarcely call myself quite sober at any time of the day. Were we at home in Dodsborough, there would be none of this ; so that here, again, is another of the blessings of our foreign 122 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. experiences ! Ali, Tom ! it's all arnistako from beginning to end. Yon wonUln't know your old friend if you saw him ; and although they've jniddcd mo out, and squeezed me in, I'm not tlio man I used to be ! You toll me that I'm not to expect any more money till November ; but you forgot to tell mo how I'm to live without it. We compromised with the Jews for fifteen hundred. Our " extruordinaries," as the officials would call tlicm, amounted to three more ; so that, taking all things into account, we have been living since April last at a trifle more than eleven thousand a year. It's a mercy that when they sell a man out by the Encumbered Estates Court, they ask no impertinent questions about how ho contracted his debts. I'd cut a sorry iigure under such an examination. We have begun the economy, Tom, and I hope that even you will be satisfied ; for although this place is detestable to me, here I'll stay, if my hearing can stand it, till winter. !Mary Anne says we might as well be in Birmingham, and my reply is, I'm quite ready to go there ! I own to you I have a kind of diabolical delight in seeing them* all nonplussed. There are neither dukes nor marquises here, neither princesses nor ballet dai'cers ! The most reckless spendthrift could only ruin himself in steam-boilers, gun-barrels, and kitchen-ranges ; — there's nothing softer than east-iron in the whole town. Our rooms are in the third story. James and I dine at the public table. Our only piece of extravagance is the doctor that attends Mrs. D. ; and if you saw him, you'd scarcely give him the name of a luxury ! I needn't say that there is very little pleasure in all this ; indeed, for anything I see, I think we might be leading the same kind of life in Kilmainham Gaol ; and perhaps at last they'll see this themselves, and consent to return home. 1 go out for an hour's walk every day, but it does me little good. My usual stroll is to a shot factory, and back by a patent bolt and rivet establishment ; but this avoids the theatre, for I own to you Nabucco, as they call him for shortness, shouts in a manner that makes me quite irritable. James never leaves his room; he's studying hard at PADDY Byrne's philosophy. 123 last ; and although his health would be the better for a little exercise, I'll just leave him to himself. It's right he should pay some penalty for his late conduct. As for the girls, Mary Anne is indignant with me, and only comes to say good morning and good night ; and Gary, though she tries to look cheerful and happy, is evidently fretting in secret. Betty Cobb takes less trouble to repress her feelings, and goes howling about the hotel like a dog run over by the mail, and is always getting accompanied by strange and inquisitive travellers, who insist upon hearing her sorrows, and occasionally push their inquiries even as far as my room ! Paddy Byrne alone appears to have taken a philoso- phical view of his position, for he has been drunk ever since we arrived. He usually sleeps in the hall, on the stairs, or the lobbies ; and although this saves the cost of a bedroom, the economy is counterbalanced by occasiona little reprisals he takes, as stray gentlemen stumble over him with their bedroom candles. At such moments he smashes lamps and china ornaments, for which his wages will re- quire a long sequestration to clear off. And now a word about home. Our English tenant, you tell me, is getting tired of Dodsborough ; we guessed how it would be already. " He thinks the people lazy ! " Ask him, did he ever try to cut turf, with two meals of wet potatoes per diem ? " They are bigoted and superstitious too." How much better would they be if they knew all about Lord Rosse's telescope ? " They won't give up their old barbarous ways." Isn't that the very boast of the Con- servative party? Isn't that what Disraeli is preaching every day and every hour ? — " Fall back upon this — fall back upon that — think of the spirit of your ancestors." Now they say, our ancestors yoked their horses by the tails to save a harness. It's rather hard that all the " progress," as they call it, must begin with the poor. It's a dead puzzle to me, Tom, to explain one thing. All the moralists, from the earliest ages, keep crying up humility, and telling you that true nobility of soul consists in self- denial and moderation, simple tastes, and so on ; and yet, what is the great reproach they bring against Paddy ? Isn't it that he is satisfied with the potato ? There's the 124 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. head and front of his oflcncc. That ho doesn't want beef, like tho En<;lishniau — nor soup and three courses, liko " ^lounsccr " — nor siiuerkrant and roast veal, hke a Ger- man ; "cups and cokl wiiti-r " being the food of a fellow that could tiirash the whole three of them all round, and think it mighty good fun besides. Poor Dan used to say that ho was the best abused man in Europe : but I'll tell you that the potato is the best abused vegetable in tho universal globe. From the Times down to the Scotch fanners, it's one hue-and-cry after it —"The tilthy root "—" The disgusting tuber "—" Tho source of all Irish misery " — '• The father of famine, and mother of fever" — on they go, blackguarding the only food of the people, till at last, as if it were a judgment on their bad tongues, it took to rot in the ground, and left us with nothing to eat. Now, Tom, you know as well as myself, Ireland is not a wheat country ; it's one year in three that we can raise a crop of it ; for our climate is as treacherous as the English Government. I hope you wouldn't have us live on oats, like the Scotch ; nor on Indian corn, like the savages; so what is there like the potato? And then, how easy the culture, and how simple the cookery ! It does well in every soil, and agrees well with eveiy constitution. It feeds the peasant, it fattens the pig, it rears the children, and supports tho chickens. AVliat can compare with that? Do you know that there's no cant of the day annoys me more than that cry about model farming, and green crops, and rotations, and subsoiling, and so on. The whole ingenuity of mankind would seem devoted to ascertaining how much a bullock can eat, and how little will feed a labourer. Stufl" one and starve the other, and you may be the President of an Agricultural Society, and Chairman of your Union. What ti'catises we have upon stock, and improving the breed of boars I Will you tell me who ever thought of turning the same attention to tho condition of the people ? and I'm sure, if you go into the county Galway, you'll soon acknowledge that they need it. " Look at that lanky pig," calls out the Scotch steward, in derision ; "his snout and his legs are fit for a greyhound ! " But I say, " Look at Paddy, there, ilia "the test op prosperity." 125 neck is slirivelled and knotted, like an old vine-tree ; bis back rounded, and his legs crooked ; all for want of caro and nourishment. Is all your sympathy to be kept for the sheep, and have you none for the shepherd ? " I made some memorandums for you about Belgian farming, but Mary Anne curled her hair with them. It's no loss to you, however, for their sA'stem wouldn't do with us. Small tenures and spade husbandry do mighty well here, because there are great cities within a few miles of each other, and agriculture takes somewhat the character of market gardening ; but their success would be far different were there long distances to be traversed with the produce. This country is certainly prospering ; but I'm not so certain that it can continue to do so. Their industry is now stimulated to a high state of productiveness, because they are daily extending their railroads ; but there must come an end to that, and it strikes me that a country that only deals with itself is pretty much what the adage sa^'s of the " man that is his own doctor." They are now, however, enjoying what your political economists all agree in pronouncing to be the great test of prosperity. Everything has nearly doubled in price : house rent, meat, vegetables, wages, clothes, luxuries of all kind, and, of course, taxation. I own to you I never clearly understood this problem ; it always seemed to me as if a whole population took to walk upon stilts, for the pleasure of thinking themselves nine feet high. These matters put me in mind of Yickars. I now see that I was wrong in not going over to the election. His tone is quite changed, and he writes to me as if I were a deputation from the distressed hand-loom weavers. He acknowledges mine of the 5th ult., and he deplores, and regi'ets, and feels constrained to remind me, and so on, ending with being " humble and obedient " — two things that I believe his own mother never found him. The fact is, Tom, he's in parliament, and he is a Lord of the Treasury, and he doesn't care a brass farthing for one of us. Do you remark how the Ministerial papers praise the Government for promoting Irishmen ? It is not on the ground of their superior capacity for office, their readi- 12G THE DODD FAMILY ABROAP. iicss and natural ability. Nothing of the kind ; it is simply the uiihounded generosity of the administration, and j)erhaps as a proof of their humility! They put an Irishman in the Cabinet, just as the Jiomaii Conqueror took a slave in his ehariot, to show that they don't intend to forgot themselves ! I wish Punch would make a picture of it. Pat with his pipe in his mouth beside the Premier ; the roguish Jeer of the eye, the careless ease of his crossed legs, and small-clothes open at the knee, would be a grand contrast to the high-bred air of his companion. iJon't bother me any more about the salmon weirs ; make the best bargain you can, and I'll bo satisfied. It appears to me, however, the more laws we have, the less fish we catch. In ray father's time there was no legisla- tion at all, and salmon was a penny a pound. The fish seem to hate acts of parliament just as much as ourselves. And, talking of that, I'm glad we're out of our scrape with the Yankees. Depend upon it, all the cod that ever was salted wouldn't pay for one collision. It wouldn't be like any other war, Tom, for French and Russians, Austrians and Italians, have each their separate peculiari- ties — giving certain advantages in certain situations ; but we — that is, English and Americans — fight exactly in the same way. Each knows every dodge of the other — long sixty-fives and thirty- twos, boarders, riflemen, riggers — all alike. It's the old story of the Kilkenny cats, and I'm greatly afraid our " tail " would be nearly as much mauled as Jonathan's. The longer I live, the nearer I find myself drawing to these Yankees ; and I've some notion of going over there to have a look at them. They tell me that the worst thing about them is the air of gravity, even of depres- sion, that prevails — a strange fault, considci'ing how many Irish there are amongst them ; but I supjiose Paddy is like the rest of the world, and he loses his fun when he gets prosperous. There was Tom Martin, that went our circuit, and there wasn't as pleasant a fellow at the bar till he got into business. Thei'c was no good asking him to dinner after that; as he owned himself, " be kept his jokes for his clients." Now, there may be UNKIND COURTESY. 127 something like this the case in America; at all eveuts, Tom, I'd have one advantage, there — I'd know the lan- guage, what I'm never likely to do here ; not but I'm doing my best every day at the table d'hote ; occasion- ally, perhaps, with some sacrifice of the "propers;" but as a foreigner is too polite to laugh, the stranger has little chance to learn. For my own part, I'd rather they'd tell me when I was wrong, and give me some hope of going right. I'd think it more friendly of a man to say, " Kenny Dodd, you're going into a hole," than if he smiled and simpered, and assured me that I was in the middle of the path, and getting on beautifully. And there isn't any good-nature in it ; not a bit. It's not good-heartedness, nor kindness, nor amiability. I don't believe a word of it ; because the chap that does it isn't thinking of you at all — he's only minding himself; he's fancying how he's delighting you, or captivating your wife, or your sister-in-law ; or, if it's a woman, she wants to fascinate or make a fool of you.. The real and essential difference between us and all foreigners is, that they are always thinking of what effect they are producing ; they never for a single moment forget that there is an audience. Now we, on the con- trary, never remember it. Life with them is a drama, in all the blaze of wax-lights and a crowded house ; with us, it's a day-rehearsal, and we slip about, mumbling our parts, getting through the performance, unmindful of all but our own share in it. More than half of what is attributed to rudeness and unsociality in us, springs out of the simple fact that we do not care to obtrude even our politeness when there Beems no need of it. Our civilities are like a bill of exchange, that must represent value one day or other. Theirs are like the gilt markers on a card table : they have a look of money about them, but are only counter- feit. Perhaps this may explain why our women like the Continent so much better than ourselves. All this mock interchange of cou.rtesy amuses and interests them ; it only worries us. To come back to Vickars. He'll do nothing for James. His "own list is quite full;" he "has mentioned his 128 TnE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. name," he sa3-s, " to the Secretary fur tlie Colonics," and will speak of him " at the Homo Office." But I know Avhat that means. The party is f^nk' fur the present, and don't need our dirty voices for many a day to come. It's distressing mo to find out what to do with him. Can you get mo any real informaticm about the gold diggings? Is it a thing that would suit him? His mother, 1 know well, wouki never consent to the notion of his working with his hands ; but, upon my conscience, if it's his head lie's to depend on, he'll fare worse ! He is very good- looking, six foot one and a half, strong as a young bull ; and to ride an unbroken horse, drive a fresh team, to shoot a snipe, or hook a salmon, I'll back him against the field. I hear, besides, he's a beautiful cue at billiards. But what's the use of all these at the Board of Trade, if he had even the luck to get there? !Many's the time I've heard poor old Lord Kilmahon say, than an Irish educa- tion wasn't worth a groat for England ; and 1 now see the force of the remark. Not but he's working hard every day, with French, and fortification, and military surveying, with a fine old ofliccr that served in the wars of the Empire — Captain de la Bourdonayc — a regular old soldier of Bony's day, that hates the English as much as any Irishman going. He coiDCS and sits with me now and then of an evening, but there's not much society in it, since we can't understand each other. We have a bottle of rum and some cigars between us, and our conversation goes on somewhat in this fashion : — " Help yourself, mounscer." A grin and bow, and something mumbled between liis teeth. "Take a weed ? " We smoke. " James is getting on well, I hope ? ^lon fils James improving, eh? Grand general one of these days, eh ? " " Oui, oui." Fills and drinks. " Another Bonaparte, I suppose ? " "Ah! le grand homrae ! " Wipes his eyes, and looks up to the ceiling. BAITING THE FRENCUMAN. 129 "Well, we thrashed him for all tint! Faith, we made him dance in Spain and Portugal. AVhat do you say to Talavera and Yittoria ? " Swears like a trooper, and rattles out whole volumes of French, with gestures that are all but blows. I wait till it's over, and just say " Waterloo ! " This nearly drives him crazy, and he forgets to put water in his glass; and off' he goes about Waterloo in a way that's dreadful to look at. I suppose, if I understood him, I'd break his neck ; but as I don't, I only go on saying " Waterloo " at intervals ; but every time 1 utter it, he has to blow off the steam again. When the rum is finished, he usually rushes out of the room, gnashing his teeth, and screaming something about St. Helena. But it's all over the next day, and he's as polite as ever when we meet — grins, and hands me his tin snuff-box with the air of an emperor. They're a wonderful people, Tom ; and though they'd murder you, they'd never forget to make a bow to your corpse. You may imag^ine, from what I tell you, that I am very lonely here ; and so I arn. I never meet anybody I c;in speak to — I never see any newspaper I can read! I eat things without knowing the names of them, or, what's worse, what they are; and all this I must do for economy, while I could live for less than one-half the expense at Dcdsborough ! Mary Anne has just come to say that the doctors are agreed Mrs. D. must be removed — the noise of the town will destroy her. My only surprise is that she didn't discover it sooner. They speak of a place called Chaude Fontaine, seven miles away, and of a little watering-place called Spa. But I'll not budge an inch till I have all the particulars, for I know well they're all dying to be at the old work again — tea-parties, and hired horses, and polkas, in the evening, and the rest of it. Lord George has arrived at Liege, and I wouldn't be astonished if he was at the bottom of it all ; not but he behaved well in James's business. To deal with a Jew there's nothing in the world like one of your young sprigs of nobility ! Moses doesn't care a bulrush for you or me ; but when he hears of a Lord Charles or Lord Augustus, he alters his tone. It is yoL. I, K 100 THE DODD FAMILY ABUOAD. tliafc class wliicli supplies his customers, and be dares not outrage tlniu. I wish you saw the way he managed onr friend Lazarus ! lie wouldn't look into his statement, read one of \.is accounts, or even bestow a glance at the bills. " I'm up to all those dodges, Lazzy," said he; "it's no use coming that over me. AVhat'U you do it for ? " " Ah, nsy good Lord Shorge, you know better as me, that we cannot give away our moneys. Here are all tliu bills. " " Don't cnre for that, Lazzy — v.on't look at 'em. "NVhat'll ycu do it for?" " If 1 lend my moneys at a fair per shent " " Well, what's the figure to be ? Say it at once, or I'm off." " You'll shurely look at my ciuims " " Not one of them." "Xor the bills r" "No." " Nor the vouchers?" "No." " Oil dear ! oh dear ! how hard yon are grown, and you so young, and so handsome, so little like " " Never mind the resemblance, but answer me. How much ? " " It's impossible, my Lord Shorcre ! " " Will two hundred do ? Well.^two fifty ? " " No, nor twelve fifty, my lord. 1 will have my claim." " That's what I want to come at, Lazzy. How much ?" This process goes on for half an hour, without any apparent result on cither side ; when at last Lord George, taking out his pocket-bouk, proceeds to count various bank- notes on the table. The effect is magical ; the sight of the money melts Lazarus — he hesitates, and gives in. Of course his com|jliance does not cost him much ; fifty per cent, is the very lowest we escape for ! 13ut even at this, Tom, our bargain is a good one. I see it all, Tom ; they are bent on getting to a watering- place, and that's exactly the very thing I won't siand. Our Insh notions on these subjects are all taken from Bundoran, or Kilkee, or Dimmore, or some such localities; c HOME WATERING -PLACES AND FOREIGN. 131 and vv'liere, to say the least, there is not a great deal to find fault with. Tiresome they are enough ; and, after a week, or so, one gets wearied of always walking oyer ankles in deep sand, listening to the plash of the tide, or the less musical squall of some half-drowned baby, or sitdng on a rock to watch some miraculous draught of fislies, that is sure to be sent off some twenty miles into the interior. These, and occasional pictorial studies of your acquaintances, in all the fascinations of oil-skin caps and wet drapery, tire at last. But they are cheap pleasures, Tom ; and, as the world goes, that is something. Now, from all I can learn, for I know nothing of them myself, your foreign watering-place is just a big city taking an airing. The self-same habits of dress, late hours, play, dancing, debt, and dissipation ; the great difference being, that wickedness is cultivated in straw hats and Eussia-duck, instead of its more conventional costume of black coat and trousers ! From my own brief experience of life, I think a garden by moonlight is just as dangerous as a conservatory with coloured lamps ; and a polka in public is less perilous than a mountain excursion, even on donkeys ! They'll not catch me at that game, Tom! I have just discovered in " Cochrane's Guide" — for I have burned my " John Murray " — the very place to suit me — Bonn on the Rhine. He says it has a pleasant appeai'ance, and contains 1,300 houses and 15,000 in- habitants, and that the Star, kept by one Schmidt, is reasonable, and that he speaks English, and takes in the Galignani — two evidences of civilization not to be despised. I think I see you smile ; but that's the fact — we come abroad to hunt after somebody we can talk to, or find a newspaper we can read — making actual luxuries of what we had eveiy day at home for nothing. Besides these, Bonn hs,ij a university, and that will be a great thing for James, and masters of various kinds for tlie girls ; but, better thau all this, thei'e's no society, no balls, no dinners, no theatre. The only places of public amusement are the Cathedral and the Anatomy House; and even Mrs. D. will be puzzled to get up a jinketiug in them, I'll write to Schmidt this evening about rooms, and I'll K 2 102 THE DODD FAMILY AIUIOAD. bIiow liiin that wc are not to be "done," like jour newly- arrived Jiulls ; for I won't pay more than " four-and-six " a head for dinner; and pliiity it is too. I wLsh wc could liave remained liere ; l)ut now that the doctors havo decided apiinst it, there's no help. It is not that I liked the place — Hiaven knows I have no right to be pleased ■with it — but I'll tell you one great advantnge about it: it was actually " breaking them all in to hate tho Continent;" another month of this tinkering din, this tiresome table d'hote, and wearisome existence, and I'd wager a trifle they'd agree to any terms to get away. You'd not believe your eyes if you saw how they arc alteied. The girls so thin, and no colour in their cheeks; James as lank as a greyhound, and always as if half asleep; and myself, piutt'y, and full, and short-winded, irascible about every thing, and always thirsty, without anything wholesome to drink. But I'd bear it all, Tom, for the result, or for what I at least expect the result •would be. I'd .submit to it like a course of physic, look- ing to the cure for my recompense. Shall I now tell you, Tom, that I have my misgivings about Mrs. D.'s illness. I was passing the lobby last night, and I heard her laughing as heartily as ever slie did in her life, though it was only two hours before she had sent down for ihe man of the house to witness her will. To be sure, she always does make a will whenever she takes to bed ; but this time she went further, and had a grand leave-taking of ua all, which I only escaped by being wrappei' up in blankets, under the " influence," as the doctors call it, of " tartarized antimony," of which I partook, to satisfy her scruples, before she would taste it. if I have to perform much longer as a pilot balloon, Tom, I'm thinking I'm very likely to explode. As lor one word of truth from the doctors, I'm not such a fool as to expect it. The priest or the physician that att nds your wife always seems to regard you as a natural enemy. If he happen to be well bred, he con- ducts himself with all the observance due to a dis- tinguished opp'Mieut ; but no confidence, Tom — nothii g candid. He never forgets that he is engaged for the " opposite party." ^ Foreign doctors. 133 Your foreign doctor, too, is a dreadful iinimal. He lias not the bland look, the soft smile, the noiseless slide, the snowy shirt-frill, and the tender squeeze of the hand, of our own fellows, every syllable of whose honeyed lips seems like a lenitive electuary made vocal. He is a mean, scrubby, little, damp-looking chap, not unlike the bit of dirty cotton in the bottom of an inlv-bottie, the incarnation of black draught and a bitter mixture. He "svon't poison you, however, for his treatment ranges between dill-water and syrup of gum ; in fact, to use the expressive phrase of the French, he only comes to " assist" at your death, and not to cause it. I have remarked that homoeopathic fellows are more attentive to the outward man than the others, whatever be the reason. Their beards and whiskers are certainly not cut on the intini- tesimal principle, and, assuredly, flattery is one of the medicaments they never administer in small doses. By the way, Tom, I wish this same theory could be applied to the distresses of a man's estate as well as that of his body. It would be a right comfortable thing to pay off one's mortgagees with fractional parts of a halfpenny, and get rid of one's creditors on the " decillionth " scale. I have now finished my paper, and I have just dis- covered that I have not answered one of your questions about home affairs ; but, after all, does it matter nmch, Tom ? Things in Ireland go their own way, however we may strive to direct and control them. In fact, I am half disposed to think we ought to manage our business on the principle that our countryman drove his pig — turning his head towards Cork because he wanted him to go to Fermoy ! Look at us at this moment. We never were £0 thoroughly divided as since we have enjoyed the benefits of a united education ! It Tullylicknaslatterley must be sold, see that it is soon done; for if we put it off till Noveaiber, the boys will be shooting souiel)ody, or doing some infernal folly or other, that will take five j'ears ofi' the purchase-money. These Manchester fellows are always so terrified at what is called an outrage ! Sure, if they had the least know- ledge of the doctrine of chances, they'd see that the estate where a man was shot was exactly the pi ce thn-e IP)! Tni-: DODD FAMILY AIIIIOAP. would Lo no more mischief for mfiuy a year to come. Tlic only spot where accidents are always recurring is the drop in front of a gaol. Try and persuade the Englishman to take Dodsbornngh for another year. Tell him Ireliind is looking up, prices are improving, &c. If ho be Hibernian in his leanings, show him how teachable Paddy is— how disposed to learn, and how gratetid for instruction. If he be bitten by the Times, tell him that the Irish are all emigrating and that in three years there will neither be a Pat, a priest, nor a potato to be seen. As old Fitzgiljbon used to say on our circuit, " I wish I had a hundred pounds to argue it either way ! " I can manage to keep afloat for a couple of weeks, but bo sure to remit me something by that time. Yours, ever sincerely, Kenny I Dodd. LETTER Xiy. JAilES DODD TO ROEERT DOOLAN, ESQLIRE, TRIXITT COILF.OK, DrBlIS. Liege, Tuestlay Jlorning. ;Mv dear Bob,— a thousand pardons for not answering cither of your two last letters. It was not, believe me, that I have not felt the most sincere interest in all that you tell me about yourself and your doings. Far fi-om it : I finished two bottles of Hock in honour of your Science Premium, and I have called a short-tailed hack Bob, after you, though unfortunately she happens to be a mare. Mine has been rather a varied kind of existence since 1 ■wrote last. A little in the draught-board style, only that the black chequers have rather predominated ! I got "hit hard" at the Brussels races, lost twelve hundred at JAMES AT Ills STUDIES. 135 ecarte, and had soir.e iifjly misadventures arising out of a too liberal use of my autogrnph. The governor, however, has stiampcd up, and though the whole affair was serious enough at one time, 1 fancy that we are at length over the stiff country, and with nothing but grass fields and light cantering laud before us. The greatest inconvenience of the whole has been, that v.-e've been laid up here, " dismasted and in ordinary," for the last three weeks, during which my mother has made a steeple-chase throu^^h the Pharmacopoeia, and the governor finished all the Schiedam in the town. In fact, there has been nothing very serious the matter with her, but as we left the capital under rather unpleasant circumstances, we came in here to " blow off our steam," and cool down to a reasonable temperature. To reduce the budget and re- trench expenditure, the choice was probably not a bad one, since we are housed, fed, and done for on the most reasonable terms ; but the place is a perfect disgust, and tliere is actuall}^ nothing for a man to do, except to poke into steam-engines and prove gun-barrels. As for me, I never leave my room from breakfast till table d'hote hour. My French master comes at eleven and stays till four. This sounds all very diligent and studious, and so thinks the governor, Bob. The real state of the case is, however, different. The distinguished officer of the Old Guard engaged to instruct me in military science and mathematics is an old hairdresser, who combines with his functions of barber the honourable duties of laquais de place and police spy, occasionally taking a turn at the "scholastic" whenever he is lucky enough to find any English illiterate enough to be his dupes. The governor heard of him from the master of the hotel, and took him especially for his cheapness. Such is the Captain de la Bourdoiiaye, who swaggers upstairs every morning with a red ribbon in his button-hole, and a curling-iron in his pocket, for I take good care, Bob, that as he cannot furnish the inside of my head, he shall at least decorate it witlu out. I must say this is a most nefarious old rascal, and I have heard of more villany from him than I ever knew before. He knows all the scandal and^ gossip of the town, and 136 THE noDD FAMILY AEROAD. retails it wilh nn almost diabolical rarincss. As I have already made use of liim in various Avays, we aro boniul to each other in the very heaviest of recognizances. Ho brought me yesterday a note from Lord George, who had just arrived here, but judgid better not to see me till ho liad called on the governor. Tiic captain was once Lord G.'s courier, and I believe, the chief mentor of his earlier continental experiences. Lord George has behaved like a trump to me. ]fe has brought away from Ih-ussels all my trajis, which, in the l)aste of my retreat, I had fancied fallen into the hands of the enemy. The brown mare Eob, a neatish dennet, two sets of single harness, a racing saddle, a lady's ditto, three chests of toggery, all my pipes and canes, and a bull- terrier — the whole of wliich would have to-day been the chattels of Lazarus, had not Lord G. made out a bill of sale of them to himself, and got two "respectable " advo- cates to swear they were witnesses to it. The fun of this is, Lazarus saw all the knavery, and Tiverton never denied it ! The most rascally transactions are dashed with such an air of frankness and candour, that, hang me ! if one can regard them as transportable oirences ! I know all this would be infamous in England — it wouldn't be quite right even in Ireland, Bob — but here we are abroad, and the latitude wr.rps morality just as the vicinity to the pole afiects the com])ass. I have learned from Lord George that there are to be races at a place called Spa, about twelve miles off, and that if Bob were in training we might do a good thing among "les gentlemen riders," who certainly ride like neither gents nor jocks. George slipped his knee-cap at a gate the other day, and cannot ride ; and how I am to get away from this for an entire day without the gover- nor's knowledge, is more than I can see. I have told the captain, however, that he must manage it somehow, or I'll turn king's evidence and betray him ; so that the case is not yet hopeless. Bob is exactly the kind of thing to walk into these fellows. She's very nearly thorough-bred, but has a cock-tailed look about her, and, with a hogged mane and a short dock, is only, to all apj)carance, a clever hack- ney. I know well that these foreigners have got fii-st-ratc VALUABLE KNOWLEDGE. 137 Cattle : tlicy buy the very best of hoi'ses, and the smartest carriages, of London ; but what avails it ? thej- can neitiier ride nor drive ! They curb up a thorough-bred so that he's thrown clean out of his stride, and they clap the saddle on his withers so that he is certain to come smash down if he tries to cross a furrow. You can imagine what hands they have, when I tell you that they all hold on by the head ! Lord G., however, who knows them well, says that there's no use in bringing over a good horse against them. They are confoundedly cautious, and what tliey lack in skill they make up in cunning ; and if they heai'd of any- thing that ran second at Goodwood or Chester, they'd "shut up" at once. It's only a "dodge" will do, he says, and I am certain nobody knows better than he does. Whenever they get pluck enough for hurdle-raciui-, there will be some money to be picked up abroad ; but the prosperity won't last, for when one fellow breaks his neck, there will be an end of it. I'll not close this till I can tell you the success of our scheme for the races. Meanwhile to your questions, which, to make short work of, I'll answer all at once. It's all very fine to talk about studying, and the learned pro- fessions, but how many succeed in them ? Three or four swells carry off the stakes, and the rest are nowhere ! Let me tell you. Bob, that the fellows that really do best in life never knew trade nor profession, except you can call Tattersall's yard a lecture-room, and short-whist a calling. There's Collingwood's got two hundred thousand with his wife; Upton, he's netted thirty on the last Derby, and stands to win at least twelve more on the Spring ^Meeting. Brook — Shallow Brook, as you used to call him at school — has been deep enough to break the bank at Hamburg ! I just wish you'd show me one of your University dons who could do any one of the three! If it came to a trial of wits, the heads of houses wouldn't have houses over their heads. Believe me, Bob, the poet was right, " The proper study of mankind is man ! " and if he add thereto a little knowledge of horseflesh, there's no fear of him in this life ! Look at the thing in another light, too. The Church is only open to the Protestants ; the bar is, then, the sole 133 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. profession with prcat rcwni'ils; for as to tlic army ami navy, they may do to spend money in and leave when you're sick of them, but notliin;^' else. Now the bar is awful labour; ten or twelve hours a day for three or lour years, as many more in a special pleader's onicc, six years after that reportinc^ for the newspapers ; and, perhaps, after three or four slrugglin;^ terms you dropoifcjut of tlio course altogether, and are only heard of as writing a threatening letter to Lord John Ilusscll, or as our "own Correspondent at Tahiti 1 " As to physic, " I throw it to the dogs." It's not a gentlemanly calling! So long as a fellow can rout you out of bed at night for a guinea, it's all nonsense to talk about independence. Your doctor hasn't even the cab- man's privilege to higgle for a trifle more. Ileal liberty. Bob, consists in having no craft whatsoever. Like the free lances in the sixteenth century, take a turn of service wlierever it suits you, but wear no man's livery. As Lord George remarks, wh3never a fellow takes to that line of life tlie men are all afraid, and the women all delighted with him ; he's so sure with his pistol and so lax in his principles, nothing obstructs his progress. This same glorious independence 1 am like cnou;;h to attain, since, up to this n^.oment, I am a perfect gentleman, according to Lord George's definition ; nor could J, by any means that I know of, support myself for twenty-four liours. You would probably remark, that so blank a prospect ought to alarm me. Not a bit of it! I never felt more thoroujihlv confident and at ease than now as I write these lines. George's theory is this : Life is a round game, with some skill and a vast amount of hazard ; the majority of the players are dupes; who, some, from in- attention, some from deficient ability, and others, again, from utter indifference, are easy victims to the few shrewd and clever fellows that never neglect a chance, and who know when to back their luck. "Do not be too eager," says George — " do not be over anxious to play, but just walk about and watch the game for a year or so, and only cut in when it suits you. By that time you havemastei'ed the peculiar style of every man's play. You are up to all their weakncs.scs, and aware of where their strength licsj f UIGH-FLOWN NOTIONS. 139 and if you can only afford to lose a little casli yourself at the start, and pass for a pigeon, your fortune is made ! " This, of course, is but a sorry sketch of his system ; for, after all, it requires his own dashing description, his figurative manner, and his flow of illustration, to make the thing intelligible. He is, in reality, a first-rate fellow, and may be what he chooses. All that I know of life I owe to his teaching ; and I own to you I was in the " lowest form " when ho began with me. Tiie only thing that distresses me now, is the fear that Vickars may yield to the governor's solicitations, and give, or get me, something — some confounded official appointment, thatwouldshut me up all day in a Government office, on mayhap one hundred and tv^enty per annum, with a promised increase of ten pounds Avhen I attain the age of fifty. I'd neai-ly as soon be in the hulks as the Home Office, and I'm certain that pounding oyster-shells is just as intellectual, and a far more salubrious occupation, than precis writing ! The dread of such a destiny has induced me to take a rather bold step, and one which it is possible you will not exactly approve of. I have written, myself, a ''pi'ivate and strictly confidential" note to Vickars, to say that my father's application to him on my behalf never had my sanction nor approval — that I despise the Board of Trade, and hold the Customs uncommon cheap ; and that although there are some gentlemen in what they call the diplomatic service, that all the junioi'S are snobs, and the grade above them — what George calls snoozers — old red-tapery fellows, that label their washing bills "soap question," and send out their boots to be new soled in an old despatch- bag, I have added a few lines, by way of showing that ray repugnance does not proceed from any disinclination to exertion or an active life, that I am quite ready to accept of a commission in the guards, or any good post in the household, where my natural advantages might be seen and appreciated. I have not told Lord George about this, because he is tremendously opposed to my taking anything like ofiice. He says it's not only " bad style," but a positive throwing away of oneself; since, whenever they do get a regularly 1-10 TUK nODD FAMILY ABROAD. clever fellow ainonp^st tlicm, tlioy alwa3's keep liim in some f-ubunliiinfo position. " Tlioy'll just tivat you tlio wjiy tlicy did Edmund JJuikc," he says ; and thoujjh I'm n()t aware how that was, 1 am quite satisfied that it was a rasially shame ! Our name, ton, I own to you, in all frankness, is awfully at,Minst us. Lord George has advised me over and over to add a syllable or two to it; so I .should, perhaps, if I were not living with the governor; but. for the present, I must submit. The eaptain has just dropped in to telJ mc that all is arranged — I am to have a fearful toothaehe, and be con- fined to bed for two days ; and this, witli heavy blankets and nitre whuy, will take at least seven j)ounds olf me. The governor is to be seduced into an excursion, to Eee the works of Seraing. AVe have contrived to have his card of admission dated for a particular day, and tlie liaekney coachman has been bribed to break down on the way home, and detain him several hours. Lord George is to have a drag ready for me at the outside of Liege at ciijlit o'clock, and 1 hope to figure on the course by twelve ! IRIary Anne alone is in the secret. 1 was obliged to tell lier, since, without her aid, I should have had no jacket; but she has cut up a splendid green satin of my mother's, which with white sleeves and cap to match, will turn me out rather smart, and national to boot. Bob is already gone, and has had her canters for the last four mornings, BO that who knows but that we shall do something. You describe to me the trepidation of heart you felt on going up for honoui-s at college — the fits of heat and cold, the tremblings, the sighings, the throbbings, and fainlish- ness ; trust me, Bob, it's all nothing to what one expe- riences on the eve of a race ! Your contest is conducted in secret — your success or failure is witnessed by a few ; ours is an open tournament, with thousands of spectators, ■who are, or who at least fancy that they are, most com- petent judges of the perl'ormance ; and if it be a glorious thing to come sweeping paft the grand stand amidst the vocilerous cheers of a mighty host, to catch the fitl'ul glance of waving liats and floating handkerchiefs as you dash by, it is a suriy ali'air to come hobbling along dead- lame or broke down, three hundred yards behind, greeted THE RACES. Ill only by tlie scoffs of the multitude aud tbo jokes of the greasy populace. Which of these fortunes is to be niiue you shall hear before I seal this epistle ; and now, for the present, adieu ! Friday Evcnii:g. I have just an hour before the post closes to announce to you ni}' safe return here, though I greatly doubt if my swelled aud still trembling fingers will make me legible. We started at cock-crow, and i-eached Spa for an early breakfast, having " tooled along " with a spicy tandem the thirteen miles in an hour. .Before eight o'clock I had taken a hot bath, and reduced my weight nine pounds, having taken seven rounds of the race-course in a heavy fur pelisse of Lord George's. Twenty minutes more toil- ing, and some hot lemonade, completed my training, and left me by twelve o'clock somewhat groggy in gait and white about the gills, and, as George said, very much like a chicken boiled down for broth ! Our game was not to bet on the general race, but to look on as mere spectatoi's and see what could be done in a private match. This was not so easy, since these Belgian fellows were so intent on the "Liege St. Leger '' and the " Spa Derby," and twenty other travesties of the like kind, that they would not listen to anything but what sounded at least like English sport. W^o had, therefore, to wait with all due patience for their tiresome races — "native horses and native jockeys," as the printed pro- gramme very needlessly informed us. "Flemish mares and fat riders " would have been the suitable description. I had almost despaired of doing anything, when near five o'clock George came up to say that he had made a match for a hundred Naps, a side — Bob against Bronchitis, twice round the course — I to ride my own horse, and Count Anicdee de Kaerters the other, he giving me twelve pounds and a distance. Not too much odds, I assure you, since Bronchitis is out of Harpsichord by a Bay iliddleton mare. Before I had reached the stand, George had made a very pi-btty book, taking five, and even seven to two, against 112 Till: DODD FAMILY .\!!i:OAP. IJol), ami an even Gfty on licr hciiip: distanced. Still I was far from coiufortablo when I saw Bruiicliitis ; a sjileiulid- loukiiig horse, witli a great shqiping Klriih-, lij,^ht about tho head, and stronj^ in tho quarters; just tho kind of horse that wants no riding whatever, onlj to bo let do his own svork his own way. "The niaro can't gallop with that horse, George ! " said I, in a whisper. " She'll never see liini alter tho first time nnind ! " " I'm half afraid of that," said he, in the same low voice. " They told me he wasn't all right, but he's in top con- dition. Wo must see what's to bo done."* lie smoked his ci;j;ar quite coolly for a minute or two, and then said, "Ah, here comes the Count! 1 have it, 'Jim!'" — he always calls mo "Jim" — "just mind me, and. it will all come right." I was by no means convinced that everything was so Bafo, however ; and had I been possessed of the tllty Naps, required, I should gladly have paid the forfeit. Fortu- nately, as it turned out, I hadn't so much money ; so into tho scale I went, my heart being the heaviest spot about me ! "lOleven two," said George; " we'll say eleven." The count weighed eleven stone four, which, with his added weight, brought him to upwards of twelve stone. " It's exactly as I suspected," whispered George to me. " The Belgian has weighed himself as if he was a gold guinea. He has been so anxious not to give you an ounce too much, that he has outwitted himself. All that you've to do, Jim, is, ride at him ever}' now and then ; tease and worry tho fellow wherever you can, and try if you can't take some of tliat loose flesli off him before it's over." I saw the scheme at once. Bob, I had nothing whatever to do but to save my distance to win the race ; for it was clearly impossible that the count could go twice round a mile course, and come in as heavy as he started. I must be brief, for my minutes ai-e few. Would that you could have seen us going round! I, lying always on his quarter; making a rush whenever 1 got a bit of ugly ground ; and, though barely able to keep up with him, just being near enough to worry liim. He wasn't much THE CCITXT IN THE SCALES. 143 of a rider, it is true, but he knew quite enou^li to see that he could run a\Yay from me wliciiever he liked ; and so Le did when he came to the last turn near home. Off he ■went at speed, pitching the mud behind him, and making my smart jacket something like a dirty draught-board. It ■was only by dint of incessant spurring, and tremendous punishment, that I was able to get inside the distance- pust ju^t as the cheering in front announced to me that ho had ])asscd the grand stand. 2Iij canter in — for 1 was so dead beat, it ■was ou^}' a canter — was greeted with a universal yell of derision. To have a laugh agi inst the Engbshman on a race-course was a national triumph of no mean order. "It was a ' set-otL' against Waterloo," George said. In I came, splashed, spattered, and scorned, but not crestfallen, Bob, for one glance at my victorious rival satisfied me that all ■was safe. The count "was so com- pletel}'' f\igged that he could scarcely get dov\-n from his horse, and when he did so he staggered like a drunken man. " Come now, count, into the sca-le ! " cried Lord George ; "show your weight, and let us pay our money !" "I have weighed already," said the other. " I weighed before the start." . " Very true," rejoined George, "bat let ns see that you are the same weight still." It required considerable explanation and ai-gument to show the justice of this proposition, nor was it till a jury of Engli.^h jocks decided in its favour that the Belgians ■were convinced. At last he did consent to get into the scale, and to the utter wonderment of all but the few English present, it was discovered that he had lost something like six pounds, aiid consequently lost the race. It was capital fun to eee the consternation of the Belgians at the announcement. They had been betting with such perfect certainty ; they had been giving- any odds to tempt a wager ; and tliere they were ! " in," as George said, " for a whole pot of money." While they were counting down the cash, too, George kept assui'ing them that the lesson they had just received Ml THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. wns "clicnp as diit ;" " lliat it out^'lit hy iMLcIit to liavo cost tlieiu tliousaiids instead of 1iuiu1it()s, but that we jnu- fcrrcd doing the tiling in an amicable ^vay." At such times, I must say, George is perfect. He is bo cool, so courteous ; so apparently serious, too, tliat even his sharp- est cuts seem liUe civil speeches and kindly counsel. 1 never admired him more than when, having bought a courier's leather-liag to stall' (he gold in, ho slung it round his neck, and, taking leave of the Jiarly with a polite bow, said,^ "There are times, gentlemen, when cfno goes all the liprhter lor a little additional weifxht!" I scarcely remember how we reached Liege. It was almost one roar of laughter between us the whole road! And then such plans and schemes for the future! Luck stood by lue to the last. I reached home before the governor, and in time to resume my bandages and my toothache. Mary Anne had taken care to have a very tidy bit of dinner ready; and now, while I sip my Bordeaux, I dedicate to you the last moments of my long and eventful da}-. I do not ask of j'ou to write to me till you hear again, for there is no guessing where I may be this day fort- night. Vickars may possibly respond to my request ; or I may find some complaisant doctor to order me to a distant watering-place, in wliich case I may get free of the Dodd famih--, who, I own to you. Bob, are a serious drawback on the progress and advancement of your Attached, but now wide-awake friend, James Dodd. Dodd pero has just come home with a sprained ankle. The scoundrel of a coachee overdid liis instructions, and up-et the " conveniency " into a lime-kiln. I supjioso I'll have to pay two or three Kaps. additional for the damage. One good result, however, hab followed : the governor is in such a rage that ho has determined to leave this to-morrow. U5 LETTER XV. MISS BODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAIT. ^ly DEAKEKT KiTTY, — I do not, indeed, deserve your re- proaches. Mine is not a heart to forget the fondest ties of early affection, nor would you cliarg'e me "with this were you near me. But how can j/ou, lying peacefully in the calm haven of domestic quiet, "sleeping on your shadow," as the poetess sa\'s, sympathize with one storm- tossed, and all but shipwrecked on the wild, wide ocean of life? Of the past I cannot trust myself to sp^ak, and I must say, Kitty, if there be one lesson which the Continent teaches above all others, it is not to go over the bygone. A week ago, in foreign acceptation, is half a century ; and he who remembers the events of yesterday rather A'erges on being a "bore" for his pains. Probably it is the intensity with which they throw themselves into tlie " present" that imparts to foreigners their incontestable superiority in all that constitutes social distinction — their glowing enthusins;n even about what we should call trifles — their ardour to attain what we should deem of little m iment! If you were not to witness it, Kitty, you couldn't believe what an odious thing your regular untravelled Englishman is. His })ride, his stiffness, his self-conceit, his contempt for everybody and everything, from good breeding to grammar. Contrast him Avith your pliant Frenchman, your courteous German, or your devoted Italian ; so smiling and so submissive, so grateful for the slightest mai'k of your favour, that you feci all the power of riches in the wealth of your smiles, or the resources of your wit ! And they are so ingenious in discovering your perfec- tions ! It is not alone the rich colour of your hair, the arch of your eyebrow, or the symmetry of your instep, Kitty, but even the secret workings of your fanc}-, the fitful playings of your imagination : these they under- VOL. I. L 146 THE DODD FAMllA' ACnOAT). staiul by a kind of ma^'ic. I really believe tli:it t'lo rca5;on Englisliiiien do not comprehend 'women is, that they despise and look down upon them. Foreigners, on tho other hand, adore and revere tliem I There is a kind of worsliip paid to tlic sex aljroad that is most fascinating. One reason for all this may be, that in Enp;land there arc so many roads to ambition quite separated from female intlucncc. Now here this is not the case. Wo ai'C every- thing abroad, Kitty. Political, literary, artistic, fashion- able — as we will. Wc can be fascinating, and go overy- ■where, or exclusive, and only admit a ciioscn few. Wo can be deep in i:ll the secrets of State, and exhausted with all the cares of the cabinet, or can be lionnes, and nfT^ct ciu^ars and men society, talk scandal and coulisse?, wear all the becoming caprices of costume, and be even more than men in independence. I see — or I fancy that I see — yonr astonishment at all that I am telh'ng you, and that you half exclaim, " Whero and how did ]\lary Anne learn all this ?" I'll tell you, uiy dearest Kitty, since even the expansion of heart to my oldest friend is not sweeter to me than the enjoyment of speaking of one wdiose very name is already a sjjell to mo. You must know, then, that after various incidents, too numerous to recount, we left Brussels for Liege, where poor mamma was taken so ill that we were force 1 to remain several weeks. This, of course, threw a gloom over our party, and deprived me of the inestimable pleasure I should have felt in visiting the scenes so grapli- ically described in Scott's delightful " Qiicntin Durward." As it was, I did contrive to make acquaintance with the old palace of the prince bishops, and brought awa}', as Bouvenir, a very pretty lace lappet and a pair of {,'old ear- rings of ar.tique form, which I wanted greatly to suit a mo//en dje costume that I have just completed, and of •which I shidl speak hereafter. Liege, however, did not agree with any of us. Mamma never slept at night ; papa did little else than sleep day and night ; poor James overworked himself at study ; and Gary and myself grew positively plain ! so that we started at last for Aix-la-Chapelle, intending to proceed direct to the Rhino. On arriving, however, at the " Quatre Saisons" A ILEASANT DEAUGHT. 147 Hotel, pa found an excellent stock of port wino, -winch an Englishman, jnst decensctl, had brouglit over for his own drinking, and he resolved to remain -while it lasted. There were fortunately only seven dozen, or we should not have got away, as ^ve did, in three weeks. JSTot that Aix was entirely devoid of amusement. In the morning there is a kind of promenade round the bath- house, where you drink a sulphur spa to soft music ; but, as James says, a solution of rotten eggs in ditch v/ater is scarcely pahatable, even with Donizetti. After that, you breakfast witli what appetite you may ; then you ride out in large parties of fifteen or twenty till dinner, the day being finished with a kind of half-dress, or no dress, ball at " the rooms." The rooms, my dear Kitty, require a word or two of description. They are a set of sis or seven salons of considerable size, and no mean pretension as to architecture ; at least, the ceilings are very handsome, and the architraves of doors and windows display a vast deal of ornament, but so dirty, so shamefully, shockingly dirt}'-, it is incredible to say! In some there are news- papers ; in others they talk ; in one large apartment there is dancing ; but the rush and recourse of all seem to two chambers, where they play at rouge-et-noir and roulette. I only took a passing peep at this pandemonium, and was shocked at the unshaven and ill-cared-for aspect of the players, who really, to my eyes, appeared like persons in great poverty ; and, indeed. Lord George informs me that the frequenters of this place are a very inferior class to those who resort to Ems and Baden. I was not very sorry to get away from this ; for, inde- pendently of other reasons, pa had made us very remark- able — 1 had almost said very ridiculous — before the first week was over. In order to prevent James from frequent- ing the play-room, papa stationed himself at the door, where he sat, with a great stick before him, from twelve o'clock every day till the same hour at night — a piece of eccentricity that of course drew public attention to him, and made us all the subject of impertinent remarks, and, indeed, of some practical jokes : such as sudden alarms of fire, anonymous letters, and other devices, to seduce him from his watch. L 2 318 THE nonn famiia aliioad. II \vas, tlicrcfore, an inexpressible relief lo mc to licat* that wo were oil" lor Colof^ue — that eity of sweet waters and a glorious c.itheilral I — though I must own to you, Kitty, that in the lirst of these two attraetions the piaco is disapj)(>iiiting. The manufacturers of the far-fanictl perfume would stem so successfully to have extracted llio odour of tho richly-gilted flowers, that they have actually lelt nothing enduiahle hy human nose! Of all the towns in Europe, it is, they tell, the very worst in this respect; and even papa, who, between snulf and nerves long inured to Irish fairs and quarter sessions, is tolerably indillerent — even ho said that he felt it " rather close and stufiy." As for the cathedral, dearest, 1 have no words to convey my sensations of awe, wonderment, and worship. Yes, Kitty, it was a sense of soft devotional bewilderment — a kind of deliciously pious rapture I felt come over mc, as I sat in a dark recess of this glorious building, the rich organ notes pealing through the vaulted aisles, and float- ing upwards towards the fretted roof. Kven Lord George — that volatile spirit — could not resist the influence of tho spot, and he pressed my hand in the fervour of his feelings — a liberty, 1 need scarcely tell you, he never would have ventured on under less exciting circumstances. Shall I own to you, Kitty, that this sign of emotion on liis part emboldened me to a step that you will call one of daring heroism. I could not, however, resist the tompta- 1if)n of contrasting the solemn grandeur and gorgeous sublimity of our Church with the cold, unimpressive naked- ness of his. The theme, tho spot, tho hour — all seemed to inspire me, Kitty ; and I suppose I must have pleaded eloquently, for his hand trembled, his head drooped, and almost fell upon my shoulder. 1 told him repeatedly that it was his reason I wished to convince — that I neither desired to captivate his imagination, nor engage his heart. " And why not my heart ? " cried he, passionately. " Is it that " Oh, Kitty, who can tell what he would have said next, if a dirty little acolyte had not whisked round the corner and begged of us to move away and let him light two tapers beside a skull in a glass case? The ofiicious littlo wretch might, at least, have waited till we had gone away ; QyiP. .=_=^.^5i^^fi^^ to return to our hotel, and then the streets were quite deserted, and we walked along in silent thoughtfulness, I A ^'EW AEllIVAL. 151 leaning on Lord G.'s arm, and wisliing — I know not well Avby — that we had two miles to go ! We are stopping at the " Emperor," a very fine hotel that looks out upon the Rhine, and, as my v/indow over- hangs the river, I sat and gazed upon the rushing waters till nigh daybreak, occasionally adding a line to this scrawl to my dearest Kitty, and then wafting a sigh to the night-breeze as it stole along. And now at length, and after all these windings and digressions, I come to what I promised to speak of in the early part of this rambling epistle. We were at breakfast on the morning after what Lord G. calls oar " cathedral service " — for he persists in quizzing about it, and says that pa v.'as practising to become a " minor canon," when a very handsome travelling-carriage drove up to the hotel door, attracting us all to the windows by the noise and clatter. It was one of those handsome britschkas, Kitty, that at once bespeak the style of their owner; scrupu- lously plain and quiet — ^almost Quaker-like in simplicity, but elegant in form, and suri^ounded with all that luxury of cases and imperials that show the traveller carries every indulgence and comfort along with him. Tiiere was no courier, but a very smartly-dressed maid, evidently French, occupied the rumble. While we stood speculating as to the new arrival, Lord George broke out with a sudden exclamation of astonishment and delight, and rushed downstairs. The next moment he was at the side of the carriage, from which a very fair, white hand was extended to him. It was very easy to see, by his air and manner, that he was on the most intimate terms with the fair traveller ; nor was it difficult to detect, by the gestures of the landlord, that he was de!)loi-ing the crowded state of the hotel, and the impossibility of affording accommodation. As is usual on such occasions, a considerable crowd had gathered — beggars, loungers, luggage-porters, waiters, and stablemen, who all eagerly poked their heads into the carriage, and seemed to take a lively interest in what was going forward, to escape from whose impertinent curiosity Lord G. entreated the lady to alight. To this she consented, and we saw a very elegant-lock- lo2 THE DODD FAMILY ADROAP. iiig person, in a kind of linlf-nionrnincr. descend from tlio cairiii<,'(', displaying what James culled a "stunning foot and ankle " iis she alighted, "NVe had no time to resume our seats at the hieakfast-tahle, when Lord Cieor;:o rushed in, saying, "Only think, there's !Mrs. Gore Iiampt.)n arrived, and not a place to put her head in ! Her stupid courier has, they say, gone on to Bonn, although she told liim she meant to stay some days here." Now, my dearest Kitty, I hlush to own that not one of ns had ever heard of Mrs. Gore Ilamjiton till that hour, although unquestionably, from the way Lord George announced the name, she was as well known in the great world as Albert Prince of Wales and the rest of the Iloyal Family. We of course, however, did not exhibit our ignorance, but deplored, and regretted, and sorrowed over her misfortune, as though it had been what the Times calls " a shocking case of destitution." "It just shows," said Lord George, as he walked hur- riedly to and fro, rubbing his hands through his hair in distraction, " that with every accident of fortune that can befall human beings — rank, wealth, beauty, and accom- plishment — one is not exempt from the annoyances of life. If a rnau were to have laid a bet at Brookes's, that Mrs. Gore Hampton would be breakfasting in the public room of an hotel on the Rhine on such a day, he'd have netted a pretty smart sum by the odds." " And is she ? " cried three or four of us together. *' Is that possible? " " It will be an accomplished fact, as the French sa\', in about tea minutes," cried he, " for there is really not a corner unoccupied in the hotel." AVe looked at each other, Kitty, for some seconds in silence, and then, as if by a common impulse, every eyo •was turned towards pajia. Whatever his feelings, I cannot pretend to guess, but he evidently shrank from our Bcrutiny, for he opened the GaJignani and entrenched him- self behind it. " I'm sure that either INIary Anne or Gary," broke in mamma, " would willingly give up her room." "Oil! delighted — but too liappy to oblige," cried we together. But Lord George stopped us. "That's tlie CAUGHT EN DESHABILLE. 153 ■worst of it — slie 3s so timid, so feai'ful of giving- trouble, and especially when she is not acquainted, that I'm certain she could not bring herself to occasion all this inconvenience." " But it will be none whatever. If she could be content with one room^ -" " One room ! " cried he — " one room is a palace at such a moment. But that is precisely the value of the sacrifice." "We assured him, again and again, that we thouglit notliing of it ; that the opportunity of serving any friend of his — not to speak of one so worthy of every attention — was an ample recompense for such a trifling inconve- nience. "We became eloquent and entreating, and at last, I actually believe, we had to importune him at least to give the lady herself the choice of accepting our propo- sition. " Be it so," cried he, suddenly ; and, starting up, hurried downstairs to convey our message. When he had left the room, we sat staring at each other, as if profoundly conscious that we had done some- thing very magnanimous and very splendid, and yet at the same time not quite satisfied that we had done it in the right "way. ]\Iamma suggested that papa ought to have gone down himself with our offer. He, on the contrar}^, said that it was her business, or that of one of the girls. James was of opinion that a civil note would be the proper thing. " Mrs. Kenny James Dodd, of Dodsborough, presents her respectful compliments," and so forth — thus giving us the opportunity of mentioning our ancestral seat, not to speak of the advantage of round- ing off a monosyllabic name with a sonorous termination. James defended his opinion so successfully, that I actually fetched my writing-desk and opened it on the breakfast- table, when Lord George flung wide the door, and an- uounced " Mrs. Gore Hampton." You may judge of our confusion, when I tell you that mamma was in her dressing-gown and without her cap ; papa in his shocking old flannel robe de chamhre, with the brown spots, which he calls his " Leprosy," and a pair of fur boots that he wears over his trousers, giving him the 151 THE DODD FAMILY AnuOAP. look of tlic Kr.ssinn fcrryni::n \vc i-cc in tlic vipfnetto of " Elizabeth, or the Kxilcs of Siberia ; '' Gary and I in curl- papers, and " not fastened ; " and James in a sailor's check .s'lirt and Russia-duck trousers, whh a red sasli round him, and an enormous p'pe in his hand — a pic- turesque group — if not a plcasinf^ one. I mention tlicFO details, dearest Kitty, loss as to any rehitiou they bear to ourselves, than for the sake of comn)cmoratinq' the iniinitablo tact of our accomplished visitor. To any ono of less perfect breeding tlic situation might liave seemed awkward — almost, indeed, ludicrous. JMamVna's eilbrts to make her scanty drapery extend to the middle of her legs — papa's struggles to hide his feet — James's endea- vours to escape by an inijn'acticablc door — and Gary and myself blushing as we tried to shake out our curls, mndo up a scene that anything short of courtly good manners might have laughed at. In this trying emergency slic was perfect. The easy grace of her step, the elegant quietude of her manner, the courtesy with which she ackno.wledged what sho termed " our most tliouofhtful kindness," were actnnl fascinations. It seemed as if sho really carried into tho room with her an atmosphere of good breeding, for we, magically as it were, forgot all about the absurdities of our appearance. Mamma thought no more of her almost Highland costume, papa crossed his legs with the air of an old elephant, and James leaned over the back of a chair to converse with her, as if ho had been a captain of the Goldstreams in full uniform. To say that she was charming, Kitty, is nothing ; for, besides being almost perfectly beautiful, there is a grace, a delicacy, a feminine refinement in her manner, that make you feel her love- liness almost secondary to her elegance. It seemed, besides, like an instinct to her, the way t^he fell in with all our humours, cnjoj-ing with keen zest papa's acuto and droll remarks about the Gontinent and the habits of foreigners, mamma's opinions on the subject of dress and domestic economy, and James's i;otions of "fast men" and " sujart ])eople " in general. She repeatedly assured us that she concurred in every- thing we said, and gave exactly the same reasons for HASTILY FOEMEU FRIENDSHIP. 155 pi'cfemng the Continent to England that we did, instanc- ing the very fact of our making acquaintance in this unceremonious manner, as a palpable case in point. " Had we been at the Star and Garter at Windsor, or the Albion at Brighton," said she, "you had certainly left me to ray fate, and I should not have been now eujoving the privilege of an acquaintance that I trust is not destined to end here." Oh ! Kitty, if you conld but have heard the tone of winning softness with which slie uttered words simple as these. But, indeed, tlie real charm of manner is to invest con'imon-places with interest, and impart to the mere nothings of intercourse a kind of fictitious value and importance. She congratulated us so heartily on travel- ling icithout a courier — the very thing w'e were at the moment ashamed of, and that mamma was trying all manner of artifices to conceal. " It is so sensible of you," said she, " so independent, and shows that you thoroughly, understand the Continent. Travelling as J do "• — there was a sorrowful tenderness as she said this, that brought the tears to my eyes — " travelling as I do," — she paused, and only resumed after a moment of diSiculty — "a courier is indispensable; but you have no such neces- sity." "And Gregoire apparently wants to shov/ you how well you could do without him," cried Lord George. " He has gone on to Bonn, and left you here to your destiny." " Oh, but he is such a good, careful old creature," said .she, " that though he does make fearful mistakes, I cannot be angry with him." " It's very kind of you to say so," resumed he; "but if/ told him that I meant to stoj^ at Cologne, and he went forward to order rooms at Bonn, I'd break his neck when we met." " Then I assui-e you I shall do no such thing," added she, taking off her gloves, as if to show how unsuited her beautifully taper fingers, all glittering with gems, would be to any such occupation. "And now you'll have to wait here for Fordyce ? " said he, half angrily. " Of course I shall ! " said she, with u sweet smilo. loG TUE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. Lord George made some rejoinder, but I could not hear it, to this, and so, Kitty, we all detennined, that instead of at once settinODD to MIS3 DOOLAX, op BALLVnOOLAW. Grand Hotel du lihin, Bonn. Deat^est Catiiebixe, — Forgive me if I substitute for the loved appellation of infancy the more softly soundincr epithet which is consecrated to verse in every language of Europe. Yes, thou mayst be Kate of all Kates to the rest of Christendom, but to me thou art Catherine — " Catrinella mia," as thou wilt. Here, dearest, as I sit embowered beside the wide and winding Rhine, the day-drcani of my childhood is at length realized. I live, I breathe in the land gloriOed by genius. Reflected in that stream is the castled crag of Drachenfels, mirrored as in my heart the image of my dearest Catherine. How shall I tell you of our existence here, f:\scinated by the charms of song and scenery, elevated by the strains of immortal verse? We are living at the Grand Hotel du Rhin, ray sweet child ; and having taken the entire first floor, are regarded as something like an imperial family travelling under the name of Dodd. I told you in my last of our acquaintance with Mrs. Gore Hampton. It has, since then, ripened into friend- ship. It is now love. I feel the dangerous captivation of speaking of her, even passingly. Her name suggests all that can fascinate the heart and enthral the imagination. She is perfectly beautiful, and not less gifted than she 13 lovely. Perhaps I cannot convey to my dearest Catherino a more accurate conception of this charming being than by mentioning some — a few — of the changes wrought by her influence on the habits of our daily life. Our mornings are scientific — entirely given up to botany, chemistry, natural history, and geology, with occasional readings in political economy and statistics. We all attend these except papa. Even James has become a most attentive student, and never takes his eyes off Mrs. THE day's PKOCEEmXGS. 183 G. during the lecture. At three -we lunch, and then mount our horses for a ride ; since, thanks to Lord George's attentive politeness, seven saddle-horses have been sent down from Brussels for our ui-e. Once mounted, "\ve are like a school released from study, so full of gaiety, so overflowing with spirits and animation. Where shall we go ? is then the question. Some are for Godesberg, where we dismount to eat ice and stroll through the gardens ; othei-s, of whom your ]\Iary Anne is ever one, vote for Rolandseck, that being the very spot whence Roland the bravo ^ — the brave Roland — sat to gaze upon those convent walls that enclosed all that he adored on earth. And oh ! Catherine dearest, is there amongst the very highest of those attributes which deify human nature any one that can compai'e with fidelity ? Does it not comprise nearly all the virtues, heroic as well as humble ? For my part, I think it should be the great theme of poets, blend- ing as it does some of the teuderest with some of the grandest traits of the heart. From Petrarch to Paul — I mean Virginia's Paul — there is a fascination in these examples that no other quality ever evokes. My dearest Emily — I call Mrs. G. II. by her Christian name always — -joined me the other evening in a discussion on this Bubject against Lord George, James, and several others, our onl^' cavalier being the Ritter von Wolfenscha'er, a young German noble, who is studying here, and a remark- able specimen of his class. He is tall, and what at first seems heavy-browed, but, on nearer acquaintance, displays one of those grand heads which are rarely met with save on the canvas of Titian ; he wears a long beard and moustache of a reddish brown, which, accompanied by a certain solem- nity of manner and a deep-toned voice, impress you with a kind of awe at first. His family is, I beHeve, the oldest in Germany, having been Barons of the Black Forest, in some very early centur3^ " The first Hapsburg," he says, was a " knecht," or vassal, of one of his ancestors. His pride is, therefore, something indescribable. Lord George met him, I fancy, first at some royal table, and they renewed their acquaintance here, shyly at the beginning, but after a while with more cordiality ; and 181 THK PODD FAMILY AllUOAD. now he is liere every day singinf:^, Rkctcliinp, reciting Scliiller and Goellie, tulkiiiL,' tlio most dtlifjlitfiil rhapso- dies, and raving al)out nioonli-^lits on the iJrocken, and mysticism in the Hartzwald, till my very braia turns with distractiou. Don't you detest the "positif" — the dreary, tiresome, tame, sad-colonrod robe of reality ? and do you not adore the prismatic-tinted drapery, that envelops the dream- creatures of iniaLrination ? 1 know, dt arest Catherine, that you do. I lei'l by myself how you shrink fiom the stern aspect of reality, and love to shroud yourself in the graceful tissues of fancy ! How, then, would you long to be here — to discuss with us themes that have no possible relation to anything actually existing — to talk of those visionary essences which form the creatures of the unreal world r' The "Hitter" is perfectly charming on these suljects; there is a vein of love through his metaphysics, and of metaphysics through his love, that elevates while it sub- dues. You will say it is a strange transition that makes me flit from these things to thouo'hts of home and Ireland ; but in the will'ul wandering of my fancy a vision of the past rises before me, and I must seize it ere it depart. I wish, in fact, to speak to you about a passage in your last letter, which has given me equal astoni.shment and sufi'er- ing. What, dearest Kitty, do you mean by talking of a certain ]ierson's "long-tried and devoted aHection" — "his hopes, and his steadfast reliance on my truthfulness"? Have I ever given any one the right to make such an appeal to me r* I do really believe that no one is less exposed to such a reproach than i am ! I have the right, if I please, to misconstrue your meaning, and assume a total ignorance as to whom you are referring. But I will not avail myself of the privilege, Kitty — I will accept your allusion. You mean Doctor Belton. Now, I own that I write this name with considerable reluctance and regret. His many valuable qualities, and the natural goodness of his disposition, have endeared him to all of that humble circle in which his lot is cast, and it would grieve me to write one single word which should pain him to hear. But I ask you, Kitty, wliat is there in our relative stations in society which should embolden him to COMPENSATIONS OF HIGH LIFE. 185 offer me attentions ? Do we move in the same sphere ? have we either thoughts, ideas, or ambitions — have we even acquaintances — in common ? I do not want to mag- nify the position I hold. Heaven knows that the great world is not a sea devoid of rocks and quicksands. No one feeL"!its perils more acutely than myself. But I repeat it : Is there not a wide gulf between us ? Could lie live, and move, think, act, or plan, in the circle that I associate with ? Could / exist, even for a day, in his ? No, dearest, impossible — utterly impossible. Tlie great world has its requirements — exactions, if you Avill ; they are imperative, often tyrannical : but their sweet recompense comes back in that delicious tranquillity of soul, that bland impertur- bability that springs from good breeding — the calm equan- imity that no accident can shake, from which no sudden shock can elicit a vibration. I do not pretend, dearest friend, that I have yet attained to this. I know well that I am still far distant from that great goal ; but I am on the road, Kitty — my progress has commenced, and not for the wealth of worlds would I turn back from it. AVith thoughts like these in my heart — instincts I should pei^haps call them — how unsuited should I be to the hum- ble monotony of a provincial existence. Were I even to sacrifice my own happiness, should I secure his ? My heart responds. No, certainly not. As to what you remark of the past, I feel it is easily replied to. The little chapel at Bruflf once struck me as a miracle of architectural beauty. I really fancied that the doorway was in the highest taste of florid Gothic, and that the east window was positively gorgeous in tracery. As to the altar, I can only say that it appeared a mass of gold, silver, and embroidery, such as we read of in the '* Arabian Nights." Am I to blame, Kitty, that, after liaving seen the real splendours of St. Gudule, and the dome of Cologne, I can recant my former belief, and acknowledge that the little edifice at Bruff is poor, mean, and insignificant; its ai-chitecture a sham, audits splen- dour all tinsel ? and yet it is precisely what I left it. You will then retort, that it is / am changed ! I own it, Kitty. I am so. But can you make this a matter of reproach ? — If so, is not every step in intellectual progress 18(1 THE PODD FAMILY AIsnOAD. — every stage of development a stigma? Your tlieory, if Ciirricd out, would soar beyond llie limits of this lilo, and dare to assail the angelic existences of the next ! But you could not intend this ; no, Kitty, I acquit you at once of such a notion ; even the defence of your friend could not make you so unjust. Doctor Belton must, surely, be in error as to any supposed pledges or promises on my part. 1 have taxed my memory to the utmost, and cannot recall any such. If, in the volatile gaiety of a ehildisli heart — remember, sweetest, I was only eighteen ■when I left home — I may have said some silly speech, surely it is not ■worth remembering, still less recording, to make me blush for it. LastI}', Kitty, I have learned to know that all real happiness is based upon filial obedience ; and whatever sentiments it would be possible for me to entertain for Dr. B. would be diametrically opposed to the wislics of my papa and mamma. I have now gone over this question in every direction I could think of, because I hope that it may never more recur between us. It is a theme which I advert to with sorrow, for really I am unable to acquit of presumption one whose general character is conspicuous for a modest and retiring humility. You will acquaint him with as much of the sentiments I here express as you deem fitting'. 1 leave everything to your excellent delicacy and discre- tion. 1 only beg that I may not be again asked for explanations on a matter so excessively disngreeable to discuss, and that I may be spared alluding to those peculiar circumstances which separate us for ever. If the time should come when he will take a more reasonable and just view of our respective conditions, nothing will bo more agreeable to me than to renew those relations of friendship which we so long cultivated ns neighbours; and if, in any future state 1 may occupy, I can be of Iho least service to him, I beg you to believe that it will be both a pride and a pleasure to me to know it. It is needless, after this, to answer the question of your postcript. Of course he must not write to me. Nothing could induce me to read his letter. That he should ever have thouL;ht of such a thing is a jiroof — and no slight one — of his utter ignorance of all the conventional rules TO^^E OP SOCIAL INTERCOUrvSE. 187 whicli rer^'ulate social intercourse. Bat a truce to a theme 80 painful. I answer your brief question of the turn-down of your letter as curtly as it is put. InTo ; I am not in love with Lord George, nor is he with me. We regard each other as brother and sister ; we talk in the most unreserved confidence ; we say things -which, in the narrower preju- dices of England, woidd be infallibly condemned. In fact, Kitty, the sway of a conscientious sense of right, the inwai'd feeling of purity, admit of many liberties here, which are denied to us at home. Here I tell you in one word what it is that constitates the superiority in tone of the Continent over our own country — I should say it was this very same freedom of thought and action. The language is full of a thousand graceful courtesies that mean so much or so little. The literature abounding in analysis of emotions — that secret anatomy of the heart, so fascinating and so instructive ; the habits of society so easj', and so natural ; and then that chivalrous homage paid to the sex, all contribute to extend the realms of conversational topics, and at the same time to admit of various ways of treating them, such as may suit the temper, the talent, or the caprice of each. Hov/ often does it happen from this that one hears the gravest themes of religion and politics debated in a spirit of the most sparkling wit and levity, while subjects of the most trivial kind are discussed with a degree of seriousness and a display of learning actually astounding ! This wonder- ful versatility is very remarkable in another respect ; for, strange enough, it is the young people abroad who are the gravest in manner — the most reserved and most satuimine. The high-spirited — the buoyant — and most daring talkers are the elderly. In a word, Kitty, everything here is the reverse of that at home ; and, I am forced to confess, possesses a great superiority over our own notions. I am dying to tell you more of the Hitter, which, 1 must explain to you, is the German for " Chevalier." If you want a confession, too, I will make one, and that is, that he is desperately in love with a poor friend of youn^, who feels herself quite unworthy of the devotion of this scion of thirty-two quarterings. 168 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. In a worklly point of view, Kitty, the possibility of Buch an event would be brilliant beyond eoncejjtion. His estates are a prineij)ality, and liis .Schloss von AViillLiiberg one of the wonders of the lilack Forest. Does not your heart swell and bound, dearest, at tlic thoup;ht of a real castle, in a real forest, with a real baron, Kitty ? one of those cruel creatures, perhaps, who lived in feudal times, aiid always killed a child, to warm their feet in his heart's blood. Kot that our Kitter looks this. On the contrary, be is gentle, low-voiced, and dreamy — a little too dreamy — it 1 must say it, and not sufllciently alive to the rattling drolleries of Lord George and James*, who torment him unceasingly. Mamma likes him immensely, though their intercourse is limited to mere bows and greetings ; and even papa, whose prejudice against foreigners increases with every day, acknowledges that he is very amiable and good tem- pered. Gary ajipears to me to be greatly taken with him, but he never notices her, nor pays her the slightest atten- tion. I'm sure I wish he would, and I should be delighted to coi. tribute towards such a conjuncture. AV'ho knows what may happen later, for he has invited us all to the Schloss for the shooting season — some time 1 believe in autumn — and papa has said " Yes." ] now come to another secret, dearest Kitty, depending on all your discretion not to divulge it, at least for the present. Mamma has received a confidential note from "Waters, the attorney, informing her that she is to succeed to the M'Gartliy estates and property of the late Jones M'Garthy, of M'Garthy's Folly. The amount is not yet known to us, and we are surrounded by such difficulties, from our desire to keep the matter secret, that we cannot expect to know the particulars for some time. The estates were considerable ; but, like those of all the Irish ai'isto- cracy, greatly encumbered. The personal property, mamma thinks, could not have been burdened, so that this alone may turn out handsomely. By some deed of settlement, or something of the kind, executed at papa's marriage with mamma, he voluntarily abandoned all right over any property that should descend to her, so that she will possess the unlimited con- MUCH IN A NAME. 189 trol over this bequest. Islr. Waters mentions that the testator desired — I am not certain that he did not require as a condition — that we should take the name of M'Carthj. I hope so with all my heart. I do not believe that any- thing could offer such obstacles to us abroad as this terrible and emphatic monosyllable ; now, Dodd M'Carthy has a rhythm in it and a resonance also. It sounds territorially, too ; like the de of French nobility. We should figure in fashionable " Arrivals and Departures " with a certain air of distinction, that is denied to us at present ; and I really do not see why we should not be " The M'Carthy." You know, dearest, that the Herald's ofl&ce never interferes about Celtic nobility, inasmuch as its origin utterly defies investiga- tion ; and there are, consequently, no pains nor penalties attached to the assumption of a native title. How I should be delighted to hear us announced as " The M'Carthy, family and suite," with an explanatory para- graph about papa being the blue or the black knight. The English ai'e always impressed with these things, and foreigners regard them with immense devotion. There is another incalculable advantage, Kitty, not to be over- looked. All little eccenti'icities of manner, little peculiar- ities of accent, voice, and intonation, of which neither pa nor ma are totally exempt, instead of being criticized, as some short-sighted folk might criticize them, as vulgar, low, and common-place, rise at once to the dignity of a national trait. They are like Breton French, or certain Provencal ex- pressions in use amongst the ancient " Seigneurie " of the land. They actually dignify station, instead of disgracing it, so that a " brogue " seems to seal the very patent of your noblity, and the mutilations of your parts of speech stand for quarterings on your escutcheon. It might seem invidious were I to quote the instances which support my theory ; but I assure you, seriously, that social success, to be rapid, I'equires aids like these. There was a time when being a Villiers, a Stanley, or a Seymour gave you a kind of illusory nobility. You were a species of human shot-silk, that turned blue in one light, and brown in another; but now that Burke is read 100 TUE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. iu tlio national schools, and llic " Almanach cleGoUia" in the godless colloufcs, dece|)tion on this head is impos- sible. They take you " to book " at once. You can't bo one of the Howards of Ettinhani, for Lady ^lary died chihlless — nor one of tlie Worseley branch, for the present maiquis, who married Lady Alice de Courtenaye, had only two chiUlren, one, Biitish envoy at the court of Prince of Salnis und Schweinigen, the other, &c. In fact, Kitty, you are voted nobody. TJiey will not allow you father nor mother, uncle nor aunt, nor even any good friends. Better be Popkins, or Perkins, Snooks, or even Sniitli, than this! The Celtic noblesse, however, is a safe refuge against all impertinent curiosity. Tracing the Dodd ^M'Carth}' to his parent stem would be like keeping count of the sheep in Sancho's story. Besides, matters of succession are made matters of faith in the Church, and wh}' shouldn't tliey be in the M'Carthy family ? I don't suppose we want to be more infallible than the Pope ? 1 have not forgotten what you mentioned about your brother Robert ; nor was it at all necessary, my dear Kitty, for you to speak of his talents and acquirements, which I well know are tirst-rate. I took an opportunity the other day of alluding to the matter to Lord George, who has influence in every quarter. I told him pretty much in the words of your letter, that he was equally distin- guished in science as in classics, had taken honours iu both, and was in all other respects full\' qualified to be a tutor. That, being a gentleman by birth, though of small fortune, his desire was to obtain the advantages of foreign ti-avel, and the opportunity of acquiring modern languages, for which he was quite willing lo assume all the labour and fatigue of a teacher. He stopped me short here by saying, " I'm afraid it's no go. They've made a farce, and a devilish good one, too, of the ' li-i.sh Tutor; ' and I half suspect that Dr. O'Toole, as he is called, has spoiled the trade." I tried to introduce a word about Robert's attainments, but he broke in with — " That's all very well ; I'm quite sure of everything you say. But who takes a ' coach ? ' " — That's the slang for tutor, Kitty ! — " No one takes a QUALIFICATIONS FOK A " BEAR-LEADEK. ' 191 * coach ' for his learning no\v-a-days. What's wanted — • parlicuhirly when travelling — is a shai^p, Avide-awake fellow, that knows all the dodges of the Continent as well as a courier, can bully the police, quiz the custom-house, and slang the waiters. He ought to be up to the opera and the ballet ; be a dead hand at ecarte, and a capital judge of cigars. After these, his gi-eat requisites are never ceasing good-humour, and a general flow of high spirits, to stand all the bad jokes and vapid fun of young college men ; a yielding disposition to go anywhere, with anyone, and for anything that may be proposed ; and, finallj', a ready tact never to suppose himself included in any invita- tion with his 'Bear,' who, however well he may treat him, will always prefer leaving him at home when he dines at an ' Embassy.' " This is a rapid sketch of a tutor's life and habits, as practised abroad, Kitty ; and I moi'e than suspect Robert would not like it. Should I be in error, howevei-, and that such would suit his views, I'm sure I can reckon on Lord George's kindness to find him an appointment. Meanwhile, let him " accustom himself to much smoking, and occasional brandy- and-water, lay in a good stock of droll anecdotes, and if he can acquire any conjuring knowledge, or tricks on the cards, it will aid hiui greatly." These hints are Lord Gr.'s, and, I am sure, in- valuable. A thunderstorm has just broken over the valley of the Rhine, and the dread artillery of heaven comes pealing down from the " Lurlie " like a chorus of demons in a modern opera. Our excursion being impossible, I once more resume my task, and again seat myself to hold com- munion with my dearest Kitty. I find, besides, innumerable questions still unanswered in 3^our last dear letter. You ask me if, on the whole, I am happier than I was at Dodsborongh ? How could you ever have penned such a qutere ? The tone of seriousness which you tell me of, in my letters, admits, perhaps, of a softer epithet. May it not be that soul-kindled elevation that comes of daily association with high intelligences ? If I were but to tell you the names of the illustrious writers and great thinkers whom we meet here almost Vjl THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. every evciiintr, Kitt}', you would no louger bo amazed at the soaring Hight my f'acultiLS liave takeu. Not that they appear to us, my dearest friend, in the mystic robes of scieiicp, but in tlic humble garb of cnnimon life, playing " groschen '' whist, or a game of triotrac. Just fancy, if you can, Professor Faraday playing " petits jeux," or AVdllaston engaged at " hunt Hie slipj)or." These are the intimacies, this the kind of intercoui'se, which imj)crccptibly cultivate the mind, and enlarge the nndcrstanding ; for, as Mvs. Gore Hampton beautifully observes, " The charm of high-bred manner is not to bo acquired by attendance on a ' levee ' or a ' drawing-room,' it is imbibed in the atmosphere that pervades a court, in the daily, honrl}' association with that harmonious elegance that surrounds a sovereign." So, deai'cst Kitty, from intercourse with great minds is there a perpetual gain to our stock of knowledge. " They are," as Mrs. Gr. says, *' the charged machines from which the electric sparks of genius are eternally disengaging themselves," AVhat a privilege to be the receivers! There is a wondrous charm, too, in their simplicity, as well as in that habit they have of mystically connecting the most trivial topics with the most astounding specula- tions. A fairy tale becomes to them a metaphysical alle- gory. You would scarcely credit what curious doctrines of socialism lie veiled under " Jack the Giant Killer," or that the Marquis of Carabas, in the talc of " Puss in Boots," is meant to illustrate the oppression of the landed aristocracy. Nor is this all, Kitty ; but they go further, and they are always speculating on something beyond the actual catastrophe of a story ; as the other evening I heard a learned argument to show, that had Bluebeard not been killed, he would have inevitably formed an alliance with " Sister Anne," just for the sake of support- ing the cause of "marriage with a deceased wife's sister." I only mention these as passing instances of that rich imaginative fertility, which is as much their characteristic as is their wonderful power of argumentation. Lord George and James worry me greatly for my admiration of Germany and the Germans. They talk, in slang, on themes that require a high strain of intclligeuce CONTINENTAL CIVILIZATION. 193 to coraprelicnd or even appreciate. No wonder, then, if their frivolity offend and annoy me ! The Hitter von Wolfenschafer is an unspeakable relief to me, after this tiresome quizzing. Shall I own that Gary is their ally in the same ignoble warfare ? Indeed, nothing surprises, and, at the same time, depresses me raoi'e than to remark the little benefit derived by Caroline from foreign travel. She would seem to sit down perfectly contented with the information derived from books, as though the really sub- stantial advantages of a residence abroad were not all dependent on direct intercourse with the people. " Why not read Uhland and Tieck at home at Dodsborough ? " say I to her. " To what end do you come hundreds of miles away from your country, to do what might so easily have been accomplished at home? " AVhat do you think was her reply ? It was this : " That is exactly what I should like to do. Having seen some parts of the Con- tinent, having enjoyed the spectacle of those wonderful things of nature and of art which a tour abroad would display, and having acquired that facility in languages which comes so rapidly by their daily use, I should like to go home again, adding to the pleasures my own country supplies, stores of knowledge and resources from other lands. I neither want to think that Frenchmen and Germans are better bred than my own countrymen, nor that the rigid decorum of English manners is only a flimsy veil of hypocrisy thrown over the coarse vices of a coarse people." Now, my dear Kitty, be as national and patriotic as one will ; play " Rule Britannia" eveiy morning, with varia- tions, on the piano; v/ear a Paisley shawl and a Dunstable bonnet; make yourself as hideous and absurd as the habits of your native country will admit of — and tliat is a wide latitude — you will be obliged to own the startling fact, the Continent is more civilized than England. Daily life is surrounded with more of elegance and of refine- ment, for the simple reason that there is more leisure for both. There is none of that vulgarity of incessant occu- pation so observable with us. Men do not live hero to be Poor-law guardians and Quarter Sessions chairmen, directors of railroads, or members of select committees. VOL. I. 19-i TUE DOPI) FAMILY ABROAD. Tlicy choose the nobler ambition of mental cultivation and iutclk'clual polish, Tliey study the arts which adorn social intercourse, and acquire those graceful accomplish- ments which iascinate in tliu great world, and in the phrase of the newspapers, " make home happy." I have now come to the end of n)y p;ipcr, and perhaps of your patience, but not of my arguments on this tiieme, nor the wish to impress them upon my dearest Kitty. Adieu ! Adieu ! I can understand your astonishment at reading this, Kitty; but is it not another proof that Ireland is far behind the rest of the world in civilization ? The systems exploded everywhere arc still pursued there, and the un- proiitable learning that all other countries have abandoned, is precisely the object of hardest study and ambition. There are twenty other things that I wif^hed to consult my dearest Kitty about, but I must conclude. It is now nigh eleven o'clock, the moon is rising, and we are off on our excursion to the Drachenfels — for you must know that one of the stereotyped amusements of the Continent is to ascend mountains for the sake of seeing daybreak from the " summit." It is frequently a failure as regards the picturesque ; but never so with respect to the pleasure of the trip. Think of a mountain path by moonlight, Kitty ; your mule slowly toiling up the steep ascent, while some one near murmurs " Cliilde Harold" in your ear, the perils of the way permitting a hundred little devotional atten- tions so suggestive of dependence and protection. I must break oti' — they are calling for me ; and 1 have but timo to Avrite myself my dearest Kitty's dearest friend, Maky Anxe Dodd. 195 LETTER XIX. BETTT COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN o'SHEA, PRIESt'S HOUSE, BRTJPF. Dear Misses Shusax, — I thought before this I'd be back again in BrufF, but I leave it all to Providence, that maybe, all the time, is thinkin' little about me. It's not out of any unpiety I say this, but bekase the longer I live the more I see how sarvants are trated in this world; and the next I'm towld is much the same. If the mistress would let me alone, I'd get used to the ways of the place at last, for there's some things isn't so bad at all ; since we came to this we have four males every da)% but, if you mind grace, you might as well have none. They've a puddin' for everything, fish — flesh — fowl — vegebles, it's all alike ; but the hardest thing is to eat blackberries with beef, or stewed pork with rasberries ; not to spake of a pike with pine-apple, that we had yes- terday. There is always an abundance and a confusion at dinner that's plazing to one's feelin's ; for, indeed, in Ireland there is no great variety in the servants' hall, and polatics has a sameness in them that's very tiresome. We are livin' now at an elegant hotel, where we sit down forty-seven of ns every day, at the sound of a big bell at one o'clock. They call it the table doat, and I don't wonder they do, for it's the pleasantest place I ever see. We goes down, linked arm-in-arm, me and Lord George's man, Mister Slipper, and the Frinsb made lanin' on Mounseer Grregory, the currier ; and there's as much bowin' and scrapiu', or more, than upstairs in the parlour. Mr. Slipper takes the head of the table, and I am on his rite, and mamsel on his left, and the dishes all cums to us first, and we tumble the things about, and helps ourselves to the best before the others, and we laff so loud, Shusan, for Mr. Slipper is uncommon drol, and tells a number of stories that makes me cry for laffin' ; and he is just as polite, too, for whiuever he tells anything 2 19G THE DODD FAMILY AUIiOAD. wrong ho says it in French. And if you only hcord the way Tnast(>r.s and mistresses is spoke of, Sluisan, you'd pity poor sarvants that has to live with thcni, and put up with their bad 'umors. Mr. Slipper himself is trated like a dogr, on cii^hty pounds a year, and what he calls the spoils — that's the close that's spoiled, ilauy the day he never sees the newspaper, for Lord G. sticks it in his pocket, and carries it out with him ; and when he went out to tay, the other evcnin', there wasn't an embroidered shirt of his master's to put on, and he was obleeged to take a plain cambric to make a clane breast of it! " Faix," says he, " there's no savin' what will happen soon, and maybe the day'U cum I'll have to buy my own cigars." He had an iligant place before this one — Sir Michael Bexley — but tho' the wagis was high, and the eating first- rate, he couldn't stay. " We wore in Vi-enna," says he, " where they dance a grate dale in sosiety, and Sir Michael's hands and feet was smaller than mine, and I couldn't wear either his kid gloves or his dress-boots, and goin' out every night the expense was krushin'." Mamsel is trated just as bad. It's maybe three w^hen she gets to bed ; her mistress, Mrs. G., wouldn't take a flour out of her head herself, but must have the poor crayture waitin' there, like a centr}-. And maybe it's at that time o'night she'll take the notion of seein' how it bekomes her to have her hare, this way or that, or to see if she'd look better with moi'e paint on her, or if her eye- brows was blacker. Sometimes, too, she takes a fit of tryin' ball dresses, five or six, one after another ; but mamsel says, she thinks she cured her of that by dropping some lamp oil over a bran new white satin, with Brussels laoc, that was never worn at all. As Mr. Slipper sa3's, " Our ingenuity is taxed to a degree that destroys our dispositions ; " and I may here observe, Shusan, that all sarvants ever I heerd of get somehow worse trated than Irish. I don't mane in regard to wagis, bekase the Irish cartainly gets laste, but I spake of tratcment ; and the raj'son is this, Shusy, the others do their work as a kind of duty, a thing they're paid for, and that they ought to do ; we, the Irish I mane, do everything as if it was out of our own goodness, and HOW TO MANAGE A MISTRESS. 197 tliat we wouldn't do it if we didn't like ; and that's the real way to manage a master or a mistress. If he asks for a knife at diner, sure he can't deny it's a knife bekase it's dirty, there wouldn't be common sense in that. There's two ways of doin' everything, Shusan ; but, easy as it is, the Irish is the only people profits by the lesson ! It's only ourselves, Shusan dear, knows how to make a master or mistress downright miserable I It is true we seldom have good wagis, but we take it out in temper. If ye seen the life I sometimes lead the mistress you'd pity her ; but why would you after all ? wasn't I taken away from my home and country, and put down here in a strange place ; and if I didn't spend the day now and then cryin', would she ever think of razing my sperits with a new bonnet, or a pare of shoes, or a ticket for the play ? Take them azy, Shusy, and they'll take you the same. But if you show them they're in your power, take to your bed, sick, when they're in a hot hurry, and want you most, be sulky and out of sperits when they're all full of fun, and go singin' about the house the day they've got a distressin' letter by the post, — keep to that, and my shure and sartain beleef is, that you'll break down the sperit of the wickidest master and mistress that ever breathed. Isn't my mistress, I ask you, as hard to dale with as any ? Well, many's the time, when I'm listenin' at the doore, I heerd her say, " Betty can't bear me in that shawl — Betty put it somewhere, and I'm afraid to ask for it — Betty's in one of her tantrums to-day, so I must not cross her. I wish I knew how to put Betty Cobb in good humour." " Faix, ma'am," says I to myself, " I believe you well, and it would puzzle wiser heads nor you ! " And now. Misses Shusan dear, is it any wonder that our tempers get spoiled ? seein' the lives we lade, and the dreadful turns and twists we are obleeged to give our natral dispositions. It's for all the world like play- actin'. There's many things different betune this and home, and first and foremost religion, Shusan. Religion isn't the same at all. To begin, there's no fastin' at all, or next to none j maybe that's bekase, by the nature of the 193 THE DODD FA:\rrLY ALROAP. cookery, iioliotly could toll what it was ho was ealia*. Then, tliero's little peiianco — and the little there is yo can pet oil of it by a tlirifle. Ye <,'0 to conf'essin' whin yo like, and ye kerp anytliinjj back for another time that yo don't wish to tell just then. In fact, my dear, it comes to this — it's harder to go to Heaven in Ireland than any place ever I hcerd of, and costs more money into the barrjain ! The priests hasn't half the power they have in Ireland, they're not as well paid, and tliey can't curse a congrega- tion, nor do any other good action that isn't set down in their duty. It's the polis, Shusy, that makes ye tremble abroad, and that's the great dillerenco between the two countries. As to morils, my dear, I'm afraid we're not supnriar, for it's the women always makes love to the men, which, till you get used to it, has a mighty ugly appearance. I b'l'eve it's the smokin' leads to this, for a German wouldn't take his pipe out of his mouth for anything ; so that courtin' isn't what it is at home. These is my general remarks on the habits of furriners, which I give you as free as you ask for them. As to the famil}', nobody knows where the money comes from, but that tliey're spendin' it in Jashins, is true as I'm here. And they're broke up, Shusy, and not the way they used to be. The master walks out alone, or with Miss Caraline. Miss Mary Anne stays with the mother; and Master James, that's now a grone man, and as bowld as brass besides, is always phelanderin' about with Mrs. G-., the lady that lives with us. 1 mistrust her, Sliusan dear, and Mamsel Virginy, her made, too, though she's mighty kind and polite to me, and says she has so many " bounties " for the whole family. Paddy Byrne is exactly what you suspect. There's nothin' would put the least polish on him. The very way he ates at the table doat disgraces us ; whenever he gets a thing he likes, instead of helpin' himself and passin' ifc on, he takes the whole dish before him, and conshumes it all. As he is always ready to fite, they let him do as he likes, and he is become now the terror of the place. I have towld ye now about everybody bat the ould currier, BETTY ASPIRES TO " TEACH " ENGLISH. 199 Mounseer Gregory, an invetberate ould Frinsh bla' guard, that never has a dacent word in his mouth, though he hasn't a good tooth iu it, and ye'd say 'twas at his prayers the ould hardened sinner should be. The very laff he has, and the way his bleery eyes twinkle, is a shame to see ! It's nigh to fifty years since he took to the road, so that you may think, Shusan dear, what a dale of innequity he's seen in that time. It's dreadful sometimes to listen to him. If I wasn't ashamed to write them, I'd tell you two or three of his stories, but I will when we meet; and now with my hearty blessin' and love, I remane yours to command, Betty Cobb. What's this I beer about one of the M'Carthys dyin', and leavin' his money to the mistress ? Get the news right for me, Shusan dear, for I mane to ask for more wagis if it's true, and if Mrs. D. won't decrease them, I'll lave the sarvis. Mamsel Virginy towl me last nite there was a duches here that wants a confidenshal made to tacbe her only daughter English, and that's exactly the thing to shoot me ; five hundred franks a year is equal to twenty pounds, all eatin' and washin', not to mention the hoith of respect from all the men-ials in the bouse. I'm takin' Frinsh lessons from ould Gregory every evenin', and he says I'll be in my " accidents " next week. LETTER XX. JAMK3 EODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN ESQTJIRK, TfilNITT COLLEGE, DUBLIN. You guessed rightly, my dear Bob ; my letter to Vickara has turned out confoundedly ill, though I must say, all from his total want of gentlemanlike feeling. To my inetfable horror the other morning, the post arrived with 200 THE DODD FAMILY ABKOAD. a largo packet for the governor, contairiing my "strictly privuto and confidential " epistle, which this infernal son of a pen wiper sends coolly back to bo read by my father. blatters were not going on exactly quite smooth before. "We had had a rather stormy sitting of the Cabinet tho evening previous on tiic estimates, Avliicli struck tho President of the Council as out of all bounds ; and yet, all things considered, were reasonable enough. You know, Bob, wo aro a strongish party. Mrs. G. H., with maid and courier ; Lord George and man ; tho Dodd family five, with two native domestics, and two foreign supernumeraries ; occupying the first floor of the first hotel at Bonn, with a capital table, and a considerable quantity of wine, of one kind or other; these — without anything that one can call extravagance — swell up a bill, and at the end of a month give it an actually formidable look. " What are these ? " said the governor, peering through his glasses at a long battalion of figures at the foot of tho score — " what are these ? Grosjhen, eh ? " " Pardon, Monsieur le Comte," said the other, bowing, " dey arc Prussian thalers ! " I wish you saw his face when he heard it ! George and I were obliged to bolt out of the room, or we should have infallibly exploded. " You'd better go back," said George to me, after wo had our lauc'h out; "I'll take a stroll with tho women- kind till you smooth him down a bit." A pleasant office this for me ; but there was no help for it, so in I went. The first shock of his surprise was not over as I entered, for he stood holding the bill in one hand, while he pressed tho other on his forehead, with a most distracted expres- sion of face. "Do you suspect," said he — "have you any notion of ■what rate we aro living at, James ? " " Not the slightest," replied I. " Do you think it's of any consequence ? " asked ho again, in a harsher tone. " Why, of course, sir, it — is — of some con " " I mean," broke ho in, " does it signify whether I go A SMASH. 201 to gaol, and the rest of you to the workhouse — if there be a workhouse in this rascally land ? " Seeing that he had totally forgotten the landlord's presence, T now motioned to that functionary to leave the room. The noise of the door shutting roused up the governor again. He looked wildly about him for an instant, and then snatching up the poker he aimed a blow at a large mirror over the chimney. He struck it with such violence that it was smashed in a dozen pieces, four or five of which came clattering down upon the floor. " I'll be a maniac," cried he. " They shall never say that I ran into this extravagance in my sober senses — I'll finish my days in a madhouse first." And with these words he made a rush over to a marble table, where a large porcelain vase was standing ; by a timely spring I overtook him, and pressed him down on an ottoman, where, I assure you, it required all my force to hold him. After a few minutes, however, there came a reaction ; he dropped the poker from his grasp, and said, in a low, faint voice, " There — there — I'll do nothing now — you may release me." There's not a doubt of it, Bob, but he really was insane for a few moments, though, fortunately, it passed away as rapidly as it came. " That," said he, with a motion towards the look- ing-glass — " that will cost twenty, or twenty-five pounds, eh?" "Not so much, perhaps," said I, though I knew I was considerably below the mark. " AVell, I'm sure it saved me from a fit of illness, any- how," rejoined he, sighing. " If I hadn't smashed it, I think my head would have burst. Go over that, James, and see what it is in pounds." I sat down to a table, and after some calculation made out the total to be two hundred and seven pounds stei'ling. "And with the looking-glass, about two hundred and thirty," said he, with a sigh. " That's about — taking everything into consideration — five thousand a year." "You must remember," said I, ti'ying to comfort him, 202 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. •* that these nro not our expenses solely. There's Tiverton and his servant, iiiul Mrs. (Jure llauiijton and Ler people also." " So there i.s," added lie, quickly ; " but they had noihiiif^ to do with Ihaf ; " and he pointed to the con- founded lookintT.glass, which someliow or other had taken a fast hold of his imagination. " Eh, James, that was a luxuiy we had for ourselves ! " There was a bitter, sar- donic laugh that accompanied these words, indescribably painful to hear. *' Come now," said he, in a more composed and natural voice, " let us see what's to be done. This is a joint account, James ; why not have sent it to Lord George — ay, to the widow also. They may as well frank the Dodd family, as tie pay for tJiem — of course omitting the look- ing-glass." I hinted that this was a step requiring some delicacy in its management ; that if not conducted with great tact, it might be the occasion of deep offence. In a word, Bob, I surmised, and conjectured, and hinted a hundred things, just to pain a little time, and turn him, if possible, into another channel. " Well, what do you advise ? " said he, as if wishing to fix me to some tangible project. For a moment I was bent on adopting the grand parlia- mentary tactic of stating that there were " three courses open to the House," and then going on to show that one of these was absurd, the second impracticable, and the last utterly impossible; but I saw that the governor could not be so easily put down as the Opposition, and so I said, " Give it till to-morrow morning, and I'll see what can be done." Here I felt I was on safe ground, for throughout life I have ever remarked, that whenever an Irishman is in difficulties, a reprieve is as good as a free pardon to him — for so is it, the land which seems so thoroughly hope- less in its destinies, contains the most hopeful population of Europe ! The delay of a few hours made all the difference in the governor's spirits, and he rallied and came down to supper just as usual, only whispering as we left the room, ** ON HER majesty's SERVICE," 203 •with a peculiai' low chuckle in his voice, "I wouldn't wonder if the fire there cracked that chimney- glass." " Nothing more likely," added I, gravely ; and down we went. It might possibly be out of utter recklessness, or per- haps from some want of a stimulant to cheer him, but he insisted on having two extra bottles of champagne, and he toasted Mrs. Gore Hampton with a zest and fervour that certainly my mother didn't approve of. On the whole, however, all passed off well, and we wished each other good night, with the pleasantest anticipations for the morrow. All was well ; and we were at breakfast the next morn- ing, merrily discussing the plans for the day, when the post arrived, with that ominous-looking packet I have already mentioned. " Shall I guess what that contains? " cried Lord George, pointing to the words, " on her Majesty's service," printed in the corner. " They've made you Lord-Lieutenant of your county, Dodd ! You shake your head. Well, it's something in the colonies they've given you." " Perhaps it's the Civil Cross of the Bath," said Mrs. Gore Hampton. " They told me, before I left town, they were going to select some Irishman for that distinction." *' I'd rather it was a baronetcy," interposed my mother. "You are all forgetting," broke in my father, " that it's the Tories are in power, and they'll give me nothing. I was always a moderate politician, and, for the last ten or fifteen years, there was nothing so unprofitable. Violence on either side met its reward, but the quiet men, like myself, were never remembered." " Then hang me if I should have been quiet ! " cried Lord George. "Well, you see," said my father, breaking his egg slowly with the back of his spoon, " it suited me ! I've seen a great deal of Ireland ; I'm old enough to remember the time when the Beresfords governed the country — if you can call that govei-nment that was done with pitched- caps and cat-o'-nine-tails — and I remember Lord Whit- worth's Administration, and Lord Wellesley's, and latterly Lord Kormanby's. But, take my word for it, they were 204 TDE DODD FAMILY AliROAD. wroriff. every one of them, and tlic reason was this : tlio Kni^lish had a notion in tiicir heads tliat Ireland must always be ruled through tlic intervention of some leader- ship or other. One time it was the Protestants, then it was the landlords, then came Dan O'Connell, and lastly it was the priests. Now, every one of these failed, because they couldn't perform a tithe of what they promised ; but still they all had that partial kind of success that saved the Administration a deal of trouble, and imposed upon the English the notion that they were at last learning how to govern Ireland, ileanwhile, I'll tell you what was happening. The Government totally forgot there was such a thing as a people in Ireland, and, what's worse, the people forgot it themselves ; and the consequence was, they sank down to the level of a mean party liillowing — a miserable shabby herd — to shout alter an Orange or a Green Demagogue, as the case might be. It was a faction, and not a nation ; and England saw that, but she had not the honesty to own it was her own doing made it such. It was seeing all this made rne a moderate politician, or, in other words, one who reposed a very moderate confidence in either of the parties that pretended to rule Ireland." " 13ut you supported your friend, Vickars, notwithstand- ing," said Lord George, slyly. " Very true, so I did ; but I never put forward any mock patriotism as the reason. What I said was, 'Ye're all rogues and vagabonds alike, and as I know you'll do nothing for Ireland, at least do something for the Dodd family ;' and now let us sec if he has, for I perceive that this address is in his handwriting." I own to you, Bob, I quaked somewhat as I saw^ him smash the seal. Ikly mind misgave me in fifty ways. " Vickars," thought I, " has given me some infernal store- keepership in the Gambia, or made me inspector of yellow fever in Chusan." I surmised a dozen diticrent promo- tions, every one of which was several posts on the road to the next world. Noi" were my anticipations much brightened by watching the workings of the governor's face as he perused the epistle, for it grew darker and darker .the angles of the mouth were drawn down, till odd, liouu. I am able to give you the precious document word for word, for, if I went over it once, I did so twenty times. " Perhaps you might like to refresh your memory by a glance at the enclosure," said my father. " My Lord George will kindly hand it to you." " It is a devilish good letter though, I must say," broko in George ; who, to do him justice. Bob, never deserts a friend in difficulties. " It's all very fine of this fellow to talk of his inability to do this, that, and t'other. Sure, we all know how they chop and barter their patronage with one another. One says, you may have that thing at Periiambuco, and then another says, ' Very well, there's an ensigncy in the Fifty-ninth.' And that's only gammon about the appointment made out yesterday ; he wants to ride off on that. A sharp fellow your friend Vickars. He'd look a bit surprised, however, if you were to say that this letter of ' Jem's * was a forgery, and that you most gratefully accept the nomination he alludes to, and which, of course, is not yet filled up." "Eh, what! how do you mean?" cried my father, eagerly, for he caught at the very shadow of a chance with desperate avidity. " I was only in jest," said Lord George, who merely wanted, as he afterwards said, " to hustle the governor through the deep ground " of his auger. " I was in jest about them, for 'Jem's' letter is so good, so exceedingly well put, that it would be downright folly to disavow it. You have no idea," continued he, gravely, '* what excellent MRS. GORE HAMPTON INTERESTED. 207 policy it is always to ask for a high thing. They respect you for it, even when they give you nothing ; and then, when you do at last receive some appointment, it is so certain to be beneath what you solicited, it establishes a claim for your perpetual discontent. You go on eternally boring about neglect, and so on. You accepted the humble post of Envoy at Stuttgard, for instance, under an implied pledge about Vienna or Constantinople. Besides these advantages, it is also to be remembered that, every now and then, they actually do take a fellow at his own valua- tion, and give him what he asks for." "Lord George is quite right," chimed in Mrs. Gore Hampton; "half of these things are purely accidental. I remember so well my uncle writing to beg that the tutor of his boys might get some small thing in the Church, just at the moment when the bishop of the diocese had died, and the minister, reading the letter carelessly — my uncle's hand is very hard to decipher — mistook the object of the request, and appointed him to the bishopric." " In that case," remarked my father, dryly, *' I think Mrs. D. had better indite an epistle to the Home Office." And, although this was said in a sneer, the laughter that followed went far to restore us all to good-humour, par- ticularly as Lord George took the opportunity of explain- ing to Mrs. Gore Hampton what had occurred, bespeaking her aid and influence in our behalf. " It is so absurd," said she, " that one should have any difficulty about these things, but such is the case. The duchess will be cei-tain to make excuses ; she cannot ask for something, because she is 'in waiting,' or she is not in waiting. Lord Harrowcliff is sure to tell me that he has just been refused a request, and cannot subject himself to another humiliation ; but I always reply, these are most selfish arguments, and that I really must have what I want ; that a refusal always attacks my nerves, and that I will not be ill merely to indulge a caprice of theirs. What is it Mr. James wants ? " There was something so practical in this short question, Bob, something so decisive, that had she been talking the rankest absurdity but the moment before, we should have forgotten it all in an instant. 203 THE DODD FAMILY iVBROAD. " A nicro notliinrr," roj>lie(l Lord Gcorgo. " You'll smile when you licar what we're making such a fuss about." As ho said those words, he muttered in the governor's car, " It's all right now; she detests asking a favour, but, it" she tcill stoop to it " au expressive gesture implied that success was certain. "Well, you haven't told inc what it is," said she again. Lord George passed round to the back of her chair, and whispered a few words. She replied in the same low tone, and then they both laughed. " You don't mean to say," cried she, tin-nlng to my father, "that you have experienced any dilliculty about this trifle?" The governor blundered out some bashful confession, that he had encountered the most extraordinary obstacles to his wishes. "I really think," said she, sighing, "they do these things just to provoke people. They wanted Augustus t'other day to go out to the Cape, and I assure you it was as much as Lady Mary could do to have the appointment changed. They said his 'regiment' was there. ' Tant pis for his regiment ! ' replied she. ' It must be a most disgusting station.' And that is, I must say, the worst of the Horse Guards ; they are always so imperative — so downright cruel. Don't you agree with me, Mrs. Dodd ? " •' They couldn't be worse than the regiment I've heard my father speak of," replied my mother. " They were culled the ' North Britains,' and were the wickedest set of wretches in the rebellion of '08." This unhappy blunder set my father into a roar of laughter, for latterly it is only on occasions like this that he is moved to any show of merriment. Mrs. Gore Hampton, of course, never noticed the mistake, but say- ing, " Now for my letters," ordered her writing-desk to be brought : a sign of promptitude that at once diverted all our thoughts into another channel. "Shall I write to the duke or to Lady Mary first?" said she, pondering ; and her eyes, accidentally falling upon my mother, slie thought herself the person addressed, and replied, — " Indeed, ma'am, if you ask me, I'd say the duke." " CAROLINE WALKED INTO THE LOBBY." 209 " I'm for Lady Mary," interposed Lord George. " There's notliing like a woman to ferret out news, and find a way to profit by it. The duke will just saj', casually, * I've got a letter somewhere — I hope I have not mislaid it — about a vacancy in the " Coldstreams ; " if you hear of anything, just drop me a hint. By the way — • is Fox in the Fusiliers still ? ' — or, ' I hope they'll change that shako, it's monstrous ! ' Now, my Lady Mary will go another way to work. She'll remember the name of everybody that can be possibly useful. She'll drive about, and give little dinners, and talk, and flatter, and cajole, and intrigue, and growing distant here, and jealous there, she'll bring into action a thousand forces that mere men-creatures know nothing of." " I'm for the duke still," said my mother; and Mary Anne, by an inclination of her head, showed that she seconded the motion. It became now an actual debate. Bob, and you would be amazed were I to tell you what strong expressions and angry feelings were evoked by mere partisanship, on a subject whereupon not one of us had the slighest know- ledge whatsoever. My father and I were with Tiverton, and as " Caroline walked into the lobby," as George phrased it, we carried the question. Mrs. G., howevei', declared that, beside the casting voice, she had a right to a vote, and giving it to my mother's side, we were equal. In this stage of the proceedings a compromise alone could be resorted to, and so it was agreed that she should write to both by the same post ; but the discussion had already lost us a day, for the mail went out while my mother was "left speaking." I have probably been prolix, my dear friend, in all this detail, but it will at least show you how the Dodd family conduct questions of internal policy ; and teach you, besides, that Cabinets and Councils of State have no special prerogative for folly and absurdity, since even small and obscure folk like ourselves can contest the palm with them. Neither could you well believe what small but bitter animosities, what schisms, and what divisions grew out of a matter so insignificant as this. " The remainder of the VOL. I. p '210 TUK DODD FAMILY ABUOAD. day wns pnssorl |2:looniily onnncjli, for wo each of bs avoided the other, with thut misgiving that bclougs to those who have uneasy consciences. They say tliat a good harvest often saves a bad admini- stration ; certainly a fine day will frequently .avert a domestic broil. Had the morning which followed our debate been a favourable one, the chanoes are we should have been away to the Seven ^lountains, or the village of Konigs Winter, or some such place ; bad luck would have it, that the rain came down in torrents from daybreak, heavy clouds gathered over the Rhine, shutting out the opposite bank from view, so that nothing remained to us but home resources, which is but too often a brief expression for row and recrimination. Breakfast over, each of us, as if dreading a " call of the House," affected some peculiarly pressing duty that ho had to perform. The governor retired to pore over his accounts, and tried to make out that the debit against him in his bank-book w^as a balance in his favour. My mother retreated to her room to hold a grand inspection of her wardrobe; a species of review that always discovers several desertions, and a vast amount of " unserviceables." Leav- ing her and ]\Iary Anne in court-martial over Betty Cobb, who, as usual, when brought up for sentence, claimed the right to be sent home, 1 pass on to Lord George, whose wet days are generally devoted to practising some new " hazard off the cushion," or the investigation of that philosopher's stone, a martingale at Rouge-et-Noir, and I arrive at my own case, which invariably resolves itself into a day of gun and pistol cleaning — an occupation mysteriously linked with gloomy weather, as though one ought to have everything in readiness to blow his brains out, if the mei'cury continued to fall. Mrs. G. had a headache, and Caroline was in pui'suit of one over the pages of the " Thirty Years' AV^ar." Such was the tableau of the Dodd family on this agreeable day. I don't give myself much up to reflection, Bob. I have always thought that as life is a road to be travelled, one Btep forward is worth any number in the opposite direc- tion ; but I vow to you that, on this occasion, I did begin to ponder a little over the past and the present, with a MRS. D. PLATING EAVESDROPPER. 211 half-glance at the future. What the governor had said the day before was no more than the truth — we were living at a tremendous rate. If all belonging to us were sold, the capital would scarcely afford six or seven years of such expenditure. These were serious, if not stunning reflections, and I heartily wished they had occupied any other head than my own. To you — who have always given your brains their own share of work — thinking is no labour. It's like a gallop to a horse in hard hunting condition, and only serves to keep him in wind ; but to one, whose faculties are, so to say, fresh from grass, the fatigue of thought is no trifling infliction. Slow men, I take it, suffer more than your clever fellows on these occasions, since their minds are not suggestive of expedients, and they go on plodding over the same ground, till they make a beaten course in their poor brains, like an old race-ground. Something in this fashion must have occurred to me; for by dint of that dreary morning's rumination, I half made up my mind to emigrate somewhere, and if I didn't exactly know where, the fault lies more in my geography than my spirit of enterprise. The only book I could lay my hands on likely to give me any information was " Cook's Voyages ; " and this, I remembered, was in the governor's I'oom. I at once" descended the stairs, and had just reached the little con- servatory outside of it, when I caught sight of a woman's dress beneath the thick foliage of the orange-trees. I crept noiselessly onward, and after a very devious series of artful dodges, I detected Mrs. D. playing eavesdropper at the governor's door. I tried to persuade myself that I was mistaken. I did my best to fancy that she was botanizing or " bouquet " gathering ; but no, the stubborn fact would not be denied. There she was, bent down, with ear and eye alternately at the keyhole. Neither the act nor the situation were very dignitied, and determining that she should not be detected by any other in this predicament, I kicked down a flower- pot, and, before I had well time to replace it, she was gone. I'm quite prepared for the laugh you.'ll give. Bob, when I own to you, that no sooner had I seen her vanish from p 2 212 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. the horizon, than 1 (lclil)crait'ly took my place exactly whore she hail been. Of course, my sense ol' honour and delicacy suggested that I had no other object in view than to ascertain what it was that had drawn her to tlie s[)ot. Any curiosity that possessed mo was strictly confined to this. I accordingly bent my ear to the keyhole, and had just time to recognize !Mrs. Gore Hampton's voice, when tko noise of chairs being drawn back, and the scaffling sounds of feet, showed that the interview had come to an enil. Scarcely a moment was left me to shelter myself among the leaves, when the door opened, " discovering," as stage directions would say, ^Ir. Dodd and Mrs. Gore Hampton in conversation. There was really a dramatic look in the situation, too. The governor's flowered dressing-gown and velvet skull, cap, decorated in front by his up-raised spectacles, like a portcullis over his nose, contrasted so well with the graceful morning robe of Mrs. G., all floating and gauzy, and to which her every gesture irn2:)arted some new character of vapoury lightness. " Dear Mr. Dodd," said she, pressing his hand with, extreme cordiality, "you have been so very, very kind, I really have no words to express what I feel towards you. 1 have long felt that I owed you this explanation — I have tried to summon courage for it for weeks past — then I sometimes doubted how you might receive it." "Oh, madam ! " interrupted he, gracefully closing his dra- pery with one hand, while he pressed the other on his heart. " You kind creature !" cried she, enthusiastically. "I can now wonder at myself that I should ever have admitted a doubt on the question. But if you only knew what sorrows I have seen — if you only knew with what severe lessons mistrust and suspicion have become graven on this heart, j'oung as it is " "Ah, madam!" murmured he, as though the last few words had made the deepest impression upon him. "Well, it's over now," cried she, in her more natural tone of gaiety. " The weary load is off me, and I am myself again — thanks to 3'ou, dear, dear kind friend." 'Faith, Bob, from the enthusiasm of the utterance of this last speech, I thought that a stage embrace ought to A MYSTERIOUS INTERVIEW. 213 have followed ; and I believe that the governor was of my mind too, and only restrained by some real or fancied necessity to keep his toga closed in front of him. Mrs. G., however, as though fearing that he might ultimately forget the " unities," again pressed his hand with both her own, and murmuring, " With you, then, my secret is safe — to 1/ou all is confided," she hurried away, as if over- come by her feelings. I could not guess what might have reached my mother's ears, but I thought to myself, if she only had heard even this much, and witnessed the fervour with which it was uttered, the governor's life for the next few weeks needs not be envied by any one out of a condemned cell. Not that to me the scene admitted of any inter- pretation which should warrant her suspicions ; but so it is, she takes a jealous turn every now and then, and he can't take a pinch of snuff without her peering over his shoulder to see if he has not got a miniature in the lid of the box. He used to try to reason her out of these notions — his vindications even took the dangerous length of certain abstract opinions about the sex in general, very far from complimentary — but latterly he has sought refuge in drink, which usually ends in an illness, so that an attack of jealousy was the invariable premonitory symptom of one of gout; and my mother's temper and tincture of colchicum seemed inseparably connected by some unseen link. From these thoughts I followed on to others about the scene itself, and what possible circumstance could have led Mrs. G. H. to visit the governor in his own room, and what was the prodigious mystery she had just confided to his keeping. ^ Probability, I fear, takes up little space in any speculation about a woman. I am sure that if I were to recount to you one-half of the absurd and extra- vagant fancies that occurred to me on this occasion, you would infallibly set me down as mad. I'll not tax your patience with the recital, but frankly confess to you that I have not a clue, even the slightest, to the mystery ; nor from the manner in which I have learned its existence, can I venture to ask Lord George to aid me. The incident had one effect— it totally banished emigra- 214 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. tion, dealings, and log liuts from my mind, and set my tlioiiL^'lits a rambling u{)on all the strange people and extra- ordinary events that travelling abroad introduces one to ; and with this reflection I strolled back to my room, and sat brooding over the fire till it was time to dress for dinner. Although you may not have the vaguest notion of what is passing in the minds of certain people, the very fact that they are fully occupied with certain strong feelings is a reason for observing them with an extraordinary interest ; and so was it that our party at table that day ■was full of meaning to me. There was a kind of languid repose about Mrs. Gore Hampton's manner which seemed especially assumed towards the governor, and a certain fidgety consciousness in his, sufficiently noticeable ; while my mother, dressed in one of her war turbans, looked unutterably fierce things on every side. It was easy enough to see tliat all this additional weight upon the safety-valves of her temper threatened a terrible explo- sion at last, and it required all the tact I could muster to my aid to defer the catastrophe. Lord George gave me, too, his willing aid, and by the help of an old Pro- fessor of Oriental Languages, we made up her rubber of whist in the evening. Alas, Bob ! even four by honours couldn't console her for the " odd trick " she suspected the governor was play- ing her ; and she broke up the card-table, and retired with that swelling dignity of manner that is the accom- paniment of injured feelings. It had been our plan to proceed from this place direct to Baden-Baden, which, from everything I can learn, must be a perfect Paradise ; but now, to my great surprise, I discovered that for some secret reason we should first go to Ems, and remain there a week or two before proceeding further. This arrangement was Mrs. G.'s, and Lord George seemed to give it his hearty con- currence ; alleging, but for the first time, that it was absurd to think of Baden before the middle of July. I could easily perceive that this change of purpose con- tained some mysterious motive, but, as Tiverton persisted in aven-ing that it was " all on the square," and " no double," I had to accept it as such. A DIVIDED CABINET. 215 Such is, therefore, our position as I write these lines ; and although to-morrow might develop the first move- ment of the campaign, I cannot keep mj letter open to communicate it. You will see that we are as divided as a Ministerial Cabinet, Some, of us, doubtless, have their honest convictions, and others are, perhaps, plastic enough to receive impressions from without, but how we are to work together, and how, as the great authority said, the " Government is to be carried on," is more than yet appears to Tour ever attached friend, James Dodd. I open my letter to say that Lord G. has just dropped in to tell me what is the plan of procedure. The Grand Duchess of Hohenschwillinghen is to arrive at Ems this week, and Mrs, G. H, is anxious to wait vipon her at once. They were dear friends once, but something or other inter- posed a coolness between them of late years. Lord G. endeavoured to explain this, but I couldn't follow the story. It was something about one of our royal family wanting to marry, or not to marry, somebody else, and that Mrs. G. H., or the duchess, had promoted or opposed the match. Suffice, it was a regular kingly shindy, and all engaged in it were of the blood royal. The really important thing at the moment is, that the governor is to conduct Mrs, G, H, to-morrow to Ems, and we are to follow in a day or two. How my mother will receive this information, or who is to communicate it to her, are questions not so easily solved. LETTER XXL MRS, DODD TO MISTEBSS MARY GALLAGHEB. My dear Molly, — If it wasn't that I am supported in a wonderful way, and that my appetite keeps good for the bit I eat, I wouldn't be able to sit down here and relate 210 THE DODD FAMILY ARROAD. llic sufTorinr^s of my nniiclcil licart. Thcro has been iiotliing but trials anil tribulations over mo since I wrote last, and I knew it was coming, too, for that dirty beast, Paddy Byrne, upset the lamp, and spilled all tlie oil over the sofa the other evening; and whilst the others were scouring and scrubbing with s]»irit of soap and neumonia, I sat down to cry heartily, for I foresaw what was coming ; and I knew well that si)ilt oil is the unluckicst thing that ever happens in a family. Maybe I wasn't right. The very next morning Betty Cobb goes and cuts my antic lace flounce down the middle, to make borders for caps ; and that wasn't enough, but she puts the front breadth of my new flowered satin upside down, so that, "to make the roses go right," as James says, " I ought to walk on my head." That's spilt oil for you ! AVhilst I was endeavouring to bear up against these, with all Christian animosity, in comes the post-bag. The very sight of it, -Molly, gave me a turn ; and, I declare to you, I knew as well there was bad news in it as if I was inr^ide of it. You've often heard of a "presentment," Molly, and that's what I had; and; when you have that, it's no matter what it's about, whether it's a road tliat's broke up, or a bridge that's broke down, take my advice and never listen to what they call " reason," for it's just flying in the face of Providence. I had one before Mary Anne was born, I thought the poor baby would have the mark of a snail on her neck ; and true enough, the very same week K. I. was shot through the skirts of his coat; and came home with five slugs in him ; and, when you think, as Father Maher said, " Slugs and snails are own brothers," or, at least, have a strong anomaly between them, my dream came true ; not but I acknowledge grate- fullv that, in this case, the fright was worse than the reality. Well, to come back to the bag ; I looked at it, and said to myself, as I often said to K. I., " Smooth and slippery as you seem without, there's bad inside of you ; ' and you'll see yourself if I wasn't right both ways. The first letter they took out was for myself, and in Waters's handwriting. It began with all the balderdash THE LEGACY DWINDLES. 217 and hard names the lawyers have for everything, trying to confuse and confound, just as, Father Maher saj-s, the " scuttle fish " muddies the water before he runs away ; but, towards the end, my dear, he grew plainer and more conspicuous, for he said, " You will perceive, by the sub- joined account, that after the payment of law charges, and other contingent expenses, the sum at your disposal will amount to twelve hundred and thirty-four pounds six and ninepence-halfpenny." I thought I'd drop, Molly, as I read it ; I shook and I trembled, and I believe, indeed, ended with a strong fit of screeching, for my nerves was weak before, and really this shock was too much for any constitution. Twelve hundred and thirty-six ! when I expected, at the very least, fifteen or sixteen thousand pounds ! It was only that very blessed morning that I was planning to myself about a separation from K. I. I calculated that I'd have about six hundred a year of my own ; and, out of decency sake, he couldn't refuse me three or four more, and with this, and my present know- ledge of the Continent, I thought I'd do remarkably well. For I must observe to you, Molly, that there's no manner of disgrace, or even unpleasantness, in being separated abroad. It is not like in Ireland, where everybody thinks the worse of you both ; and, what between your own friends and your husband's friends, there isn't an event of your private life that's not laid bare before the world, so that, at last, the defence of you turns out to be just as dreadful as the abuse. No, Molly, here it's all ditferent. Next to being divorced, the most fashionable thing is a separation, and for one woman, in really high life, that lives with her husband, you'll find three that does not. I suppose, like everything else in this sinful world, there's good and there's bad in this custom. When I first came abroad, I own, I disliked to see it. I fancied that, no matter how it came about, the women was always wrong. But that was merely an Irish prejudice, and, like many others, I have lived to get rid of it. There's nothing con- vinces you of this so soon as knowing intimately the ladies that are in this situation. Of all the amiable creatures I ever met, I know nothing to compare with them. It is not merely of manners and 218 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. gooil breeding that I spcalc, liut the gentle, mild quietness of their temper — a kind of submissive softness that, lown to you, one can't have with their husbands, and maybo that's tho reason they've left them. I merely mention this to show you, that if I had a reasonably good income, and was separated from K. I., there's no society abroad that I mightn't be in ; and, in fact, my dear Molly, I may Bum all up by saying, that living with your husband may give you some comlbrt, when you're at home, but it cer- tainly excludes you from all sympathy abroad ; and for one friend that you have in the former case, you'll have, at tho least, ten in the latter. This will explain to you why and how my thoughts ran upon separation, for if I had stayed, in Ireland, I'm sure I'd never have thought of it ; for I own to you, with shame and soiTow, Molly, that we know no more aljout civiliza- tion in our poor Ireland, " than," as Lord George says, *' a prairie bull does about oil-cake." You may judge then of what my feelings was when I read Waters's letter, and saw all my elegant hopes melting like jelly on a hot plate. Twelve hundred pounds ! Was it out of mockery he left it to me ? Faith, Molly, I cried more that night than ever I thought to do for old Jones M'Carthy ! Myself and Mary Anne was as red in the eyes as two ferrets. The first, and of course the great shock, was the loss of the money, and after that came the thought of the way K. I. would behave when he discovered my disappoint- ment. For I must tell you that the bare idea of my being independent drove him almost crazy. He seemed, some- how, to have a kind of lurking suspicion that I'd want to separate, and now, when he'd come to discover the trifle I was left, there would be no enduring his gibes and his jeers. I had it all before me how he'd go on, tormenting and harassing me from daylight to dark. This was dread- ful, Molly, and overcame mo completely. I knew him well ; and that he wouldn't be satisfied with laughing at my legacy, but he'd go on to abuse the M'Carthy family and all my relations. There's nothing a low man detests like the real old nobility of a country, Mary Anne and I talked it all over the whole night, and AN AETFUL WOMAN. 219 turned it every way we could think. If we kept the whole secret, it would save "going into black" for ourselves and the servants, and that was a great object ; but then we couldn't take the name of M'Carthy after that of Dodd, quartering the arms on our shield, and so on, without announcing the death of poor Jones M'Carthy. There was the hitch ; for Mary Anne persisted in thinking that the best thing about it all was the elegant opportunity it oflfered of getting rid of the name of Dodd, or, at the least, hiding it under the shadow of M'Carthy. Ah, my dear Molly, you know the proverb, '* Man pro- poses, but fate opposes." "While we were discoursing over these things, little I guessed the mine that was going to explode under my feet. I mentioned to you in my last, I think, a lady with whom we agreed to travel in company — a Mrs. Gore Hampton, a very handsome, showy woman — though I own. to you, Molly, not what I call " one of my beauties." She is tall and dark haired, and has that kind of soft, tender way with men, that I remark does more mischief than any other. "We all liked her greatly at first — I sup- pose she determined we should, and spared no pains to suit herself to our various dispositions. I'm sure I tried to be as accommodating as she was, and I took to arts and sciences that I couldn't find any pleasure in ; but I went with the stream, as the saying is, and you'll see where it left me ! I vow to you I had my misgivings that a hand- some, fine-looking young woman was only thinking of dried frogs and ferns. They weren't natural tastes, and so I kept a sharp eye on her. At one time I suspected she was tender on Lord George, and then I thought it was James ; but at last, Molly darling, the truth flashed across me, like a streak of lightning, making me stone blind in a minute ! "What was it I perceived, do you think, but that the real " Lutherian " was no other than K. I. himself. I feel that I'm blushing as I write it. The father of three children, grown up, and fifty-eight in November, if he's not more, but he won't own to it. There's things, Molly, " too dreadful," as Father Maher remarks, " for human credulity," and when one of them comes across you in life, the only thing is to take up the 220 TllK DODD FAMILY ABKOAr. Litany to St. Joseph, and p^o over it onco or twice, llien read a chapter or two of Dr. Croft's " ^Modern Miracles of the Church," and by that time you're in a frame to believe aiiythinf^. Well, as I hadn't the book by me, I thought I'd take a solitary ramble by myself, to reflect and consider, and down I went to a kind of green-house that is full of orange and lemon-trees, and where I was sure to be alone. K. I. has what he calls his dressing-room — it's little trouble dressing gives him — at the end of this, but I ■wasn't attending to that, but sitting with a heavy heart under a dwarf fig-tree, liko Nebuchadnezzar, and only full of my own misfortunes, when I heard tiirough the trees the rustling sound of a woman's dress. I bent down my head to see, and there was ^Irs. G. in a white muslin dressing-gown, but elegantly trimmed with !Malines lace, two falls round the cape, and the same on the arm, just as becoming a thing as any she could put on. " What's this for," said I to myself; for you may guess I knew she didn't dress that way to pluck lemons and green limes ; and so I sat watching her in silence. She stood, evidently listening, for a minute or two ; she then gathered two or three flowers, and stuck them in her waist, and, after that, she hummed a few bars of a tune, quite low, and as if to herself. That was, I suppose, a signal, for K. I.'s door opened ; and there he stood him- self, and a nice-looking article he was, Avith bis ragged robe de chambre, and his greasy skull-cap, bowing and scraping like an old monkey. " I little knew that such a flower was blooming in the conservatory," said he, with a smirk I suppose he thought quite captivating. " You do not pretend that you selected your apartment here but in the hope of watching the unfolding buds," replied she ; and then, with something in a lower voice, to which he answeied in the same, she passed on into his room, and he closed the door after her. I suppose I must have fainted, ^lolly, after that. I remembered nothing except seeing lemon and orange- trees all sliding and flitting about, and felt m3'self as if I was shooting down the Eliinc on a raft. Maybe it's for worse that I'm reserved. Maybe it would have been well for me if I was carried away out of this world of woe, MRS. D. SUBDUES HER INDIGENT FEELINGS. 221 wickedness, and artful widows. When I came to myself, I suddenly recalled everything ; and it was as much as I could do not to scream out and bring all the house to the spot and expose them both. But I subdued my indigent feelings, and, creeping over to the door, I peeped at them through the keyhole. K. I. was seated in his big chair, she in another close beside him. He was reading a letter, and she watching him, as if her life depended on him. "Now read this," said she, thrusting another paper into his hand, "for you'll see it is even worse." " My heart bleeds for you, my dear Mrs. Gore," said he, taking off his spectacles and wiping his eyes, and red enough they were afterwards, for there was snuff on his hankerchief — " my heart bleeds for you ! " These were his words, and why I didn't break open the door when I heard them, is more than I can tell. " I was certain of your sympathy ; I knew you'd feel for me, my dear Mr. Dodd," said she, sobbing. " Of course you were," said I to m^^self. " He was the kind of old fool j^ou wanted. But, faith, he shall feel for me, too, or my name is not Jemima." " I don't suppose you ever heard of so cruel a case ? " said she, still sobbing. " Never — never,'' cried he, clasping his hands. " I didn't believe it was in the nature of man to treat youth, beauty, and loveliness with such inhumanity. One that could do it must be a Creole Indian." " Ah, Mr. Dodd ! " said she, looking up into his eyes. "In Tartary, or the Tropics," said he, " such wretches may be found, but in our own country, and our own age- Ah, Mr. Dodd," said she again, "it is only in an Irish heart such generous emotions have their home I " The artful hussey, she knew the tenderest spot of his natui'e by an instinct ! for if there was anything he couldn't resist, it was the appeal to his being Irish. And to show you, Molly, the designing craft of her, she knew that weakness of K. I. in less than a month's acquaint- ance, that / didn't find out till I was eight or nine years married to him. 222 THE DODD FAMILY ABUOAD. For a minute or two my feelings overcfimo mo so mncb, that I couldn't look or listen to them ; but when I did, she had lu-r hand ou his arm, and was saying, in the softest voice, — " I may, then, count upon your kindness — I may rest assured of your friendship." " That you may — that you may, my dear madam," paid he. Yes, Molly, he called her madam to her own face. " If theie should be any cruel enough, ungt>nerous enouijh, or base enough," sobbed she, " to calumniate me, you will bo my protector; and beneath yowr roof shall I lind my refuge. Your character — your station in society — the honourable position you have ever held in the world — your claims as a father — your age — will all give the best contradiction to any scandal that malevolence can invent. Those dear venerable locks " Just as she said this, I heard somebody coming, and in haste, too, for a flower-pot was thrown down, and I had barely time to make my escape to my own room, where I threw m^-self on my bod, and cried for two hours. I have gone through many trials, Molly. Few women, I believe, have seen more affliction and sorrow than my- self; from the day of my ill-suited mai-riage with K. I. to the present moment, I may say, it has been out of one misery into another with mo ever since. But I don't think I ever cried as hearty as I did then, for, you see, there was no delusion or confusion possible ! I heard everything with my own ears, and saw everything ■with my own eyes. I listened to their plans and projects, and even heard them rejoicing that, because he was stricken in years, and the father of a grown family, nobody would suspect what he was at. " Those dear venerable locks," as she called them, were to witness for him ! Oh, Molly, wasn't this too bad ; could you believe that there was as much duplicity in the world as this ? I own, / never did. I thought I saw wickedness enough in Ireland. I know the shameless way I was cheated in wool, and that Mat never was honest about rabbit-skins. But what was all that compared to this ? MAKY ANNE's EEASONma. 223 When I grew more composed, I sent for Mary Anne, and told her everything; but just to show you the perver- sity of human nature, she wouldn't agree to one word I said. It was law papers, she was sure, that Mrs. Gr. was showing ; she had something in Chancery, maybe, or perhaps it was a legacy " tied up," like our own, " and that she wanted advice about it." But what nonsense that was ! Sure, he needn't be the father of a family to advise her about all that. And there I was, Molly, with- out human creature to support or sustain me ! For the first time since I came abroad, I wished myself back in Dodsborough. Not, indeed, that K. I. would ever have behaved this way at home in Ireland, with the eyes of the neighbourhood on him, and Father Maher within call. I passed a weary night of it, for Mary Anne never left me, arguing and reasoning with me, and trying to con- vince me that I was wrong, and if I was to act upon my delusions, that I'd be the ruin of them all. " Hero we are now," said she, "with the finest opportunity for getting into society ever was known. Mrs. G. is one of the aristocracy, and intimate with everybody of fashion : quarrel with her, or even displease her, and where will we be, or who will know us ? Our difficulties are already great enough. Papa's drab gaiters, and the name of Dodd, are obstacles in our way, that only great tact and first-rate management can get over. When we are swimming for our lives," said she, *' let us not throw away a life-preserver." "Wasn't it a nice name for a woman that was going to shipwreck a whole family. The end of it all was, however, that I was to restrain my feelings, and be satisfied to observe and watch what was going on, for as they could have no conception of my knowing- auvthine:, I mio-ht be sure to detect them. When I agreed to this plan, I grew easier in my mind, for, as I remarked to Mary Anne, " I'm like soda-water, and when you once draw the cork, I never fret nor froth any more." So that after a cold chicken, cut up with salad, a thing Mary Anne makes to perfection, and a glass of white wine negus, I slept very soundly till late in the afternoon. 221 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. ^riiry Anno canio fwicc into my room to see if I was awiikc, but I was lying in a dreamy kind of half-sleep, and took no notice of her, till she said that !Mrs. Gore Hampton was so anxious to speak to me abOPD FAMILY ABROAD. and so on ; but I see tlio folly of it all now. The truth is, Tom, tli!\t tlicrc is a faculty of accommodation in human nature, and wherever you arc placed, under ■whatever circumstances situated, you'll discover that your spirit, like your fitomach, learns to digest everything; though I won't deny that it may now and then be at the cost of a heartburn in the one case as well as the other. When I wrote to you last I was living a kind of pas- toral life — a species of ^lelibctus, without sheep! If I remember aright, I left off when wc were just setting out on an excursion into the forest — one of those charming rides over the smooth sward, and under the trellised shadow of tall trees, now, loitering pensively before some vista of the wood, now, cantering along with merry laughter, as though with every bound we left some care behind never to overtake us. Ah, Tom, it's no use for me to argue and reason with myself ; I always find that I come back to the same point, and that whatever touches my feelings, whatever makes my heart vibrate with plea- Bant emotion, whatever brings back to me the ardent, conOding, trustful tone of my young days, does me good, and that I'm a better man for it, even though " the situa- tion," as you would call it, was rather equivocal. Don't mistake me, Tom, Purcell I don't want to go wrong ; I have not the slightest inclination to break my neck. The height of n)y ambition is, only to look over the precipice. Can't you understand that? Tr}-- and " realize " that to yourself, as the Yankees say, and you'll at once compre- hend the whole charm and fascination of my late life here. I was always "looking over the precipice," always speculating upon the terrible perils of the drop, and always half hugging myself in my sense of security. Maybe this is metaphysics again ; if it is, I'm sorry for it, but the German Diet must take the blame of it — a course of sauerkraut would make any man flighty. "Well, I'll spare you all description of these " Forest days," at whatever cost to my own feelings ; and it is not every man that would put that much constraint upon himself, for something tells me that the theme would make me " come out strong." That, Avhat with my descriptive powers as regards scenery, and my acuto ] "l NEVER THOUGHT HE HAD THIS IN HIM." 273 analysis on the score of emotions, I'd astonish j'ou, and you'd be forced to exclaim " Kenny is a very remarkable man. Faith! I never thought he had this in him." Nor did I know it myself, Tom PurceU ; nor as much as suspect it. The fact is, my natural powers never had fair play. Mrs. D. kept me in a state of perpetual conflict. " Little wars," as the duke used to say, " destroy a state; " and in the same way it's your small domesticities — to coin a word — that ruin a man's nature and fetter his genius. You think, perhaps, that I'm employing an over-ambitious phrase, but I am not, Mrs. G. H. assured me that I actually did possess " genius," and I believe in my heart that she is the only one who ever really understood me, No man understood human nature better than Byron, and he says, in one of his letters, " that none of us ever do anything till a woman takes us in hand ; " by which, of course, he means the developing of our better instincts — the illustrating our latent capabilities, and so on ; and that, let me observe to you, is exactly what our wives never do. With them, it is everlastingly some small question of domestic economy. They " take the vote on the supplies" every morning at breakfast, and they go io bed at night with thoughts of the "budget." The woman, therefore, referred to by the poet cannot be, what we should call in Ireland, " the woman that owns you." And here, again, my dear friend, is another illustration of my old theory — how hard it is for a man to be good and great at the same time. Indeed, I am disposed to say that Nature never intended we should, but in all pro- bability meant to typify, by the separation, the great manufacturing axiom — " the division of labour." Be this as it may, Byron is right, and if there be an infinitesimal spark of the divine essence in your nature, your female friend will detect it with the same unerring accuracy that a French chemist hunts out the ten-thou- sandth part of a grain of arsenic in a case of poison. It would amaze you were I to tell you how markedly I perceived the changes going on in myself when under this influence. There was, so to say, a great revolution going on within me, that embraced all my previous thoughts and opinions on men, manners, and morals. I YOL. I. T 27-1 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. felt tlmt hitherto I had been taking,' a kind of Dutch view of lifo Irom tlio mere level of surrouiuling ohjccts, but that now I was elevated to a high and commanding position, from which I looked down with calm dignity. I must observe to you that Mrs. G. II. was not only in the highest fashiouablo circles of London, but that sho was one who took a very active part in political life. This will doubtless surprise you, Tom, as it did myself, for we know rcall}' notliing in Ireland of the springs that set great events in motion. Little do we suspect the real influence women exercise — the sway and control they practise over those who rule us. I wish you heard !Mr8. Gr. H. talk, how she made Bustle do this, and per- suaded Pumistone do the other. Foreign alFairs are her forte, and, indeed, she owned to mo that .purely Home matters were too narrow and too local to interest her. What she likes is a great Russian question, with the Bopphorus and the Danubian Provinces, and the Hospodar of Wallachia to deal with ; or Italy and the Austrians, with a skirmishing dash at the Pope and the King of Kaples. She is a Whig, for she told me that the Tories were a set of rude barbarians, that never admitted female influence ; and " the consequence is," says she, " they never know what is doing at foreign courts. Now we knew everything : there was the Princess Sleeboffsky, at St. Petersburg ; and the Countess von Schwarmercy, at Berlin ; and Madame do la Tour de Force, at Florence, all in our interest. There was not a single impertinent allusion made to England, in all the privacy of royal domestic life, that we hadn't it reported to us ; and we knew, besides, all the little ' tcndrcsses ' of the different statesmen of the Continent, for, in our age, we bribe with Beauty, where foi'merly it was a matter of Bank-notes. The Tories, on the other hand, lived with their wives, which at once accounts for the narrowness of their views, and the limited range of their speculations." All this may read to you like a digression, my dear Tom, but it is not ; for it enables me to exhibit to you some of those traits by which this fascinating creature charmed and engaged me. She opened so many new views of life to me — explained so much pf what was INFLUENCE OF WOMEN. 275 mystery to me before — recounted so many amnsing stories of great people — gave me such passing glimpses of that wonderful world made up of kings, and kaisers, and ministers, who are, so to sa^^, the great pieces of the chess- board, whereon tva are but pawns — that I actually felt as if I had been a child till I knew her. Another grand result of this kind of information is, that, as you extend your observation beyond the narrow sphere of home — whether it be politically or domestically — you learn at last to think so lii,tle of what you once regarded as your own immediate and material interests, that you have as many^ — maybe more- — sympathies with the world at large than with those actually belonging to you. Such was the progress I made in this enlightenment, that I felt far more anxious about the Bosphorus than ever I did for Bruflf, and would rather have seen the Austi'ians expelled from Lombardy than have turned out every "squatter" off my own estate at Dodsborongh. And it is not only that one acquires grander notions this way, but there are a variety of consolations in the system. You grumble at the poor-rates, and I point to the popula- tion of Milan paying ten times as much to their tyrants. You exclaim against extermination, and I reply, " Look at Poland," You complain of the priests' exactions, and I say, " Be thankful that you haven't the Pope." Now, Tom, come back from all these speculations, and bring your thoughts to bear upon her that originated them, and don't wonder at me if [ didn't know how the days were slipping past ; nor could only give a mere passing, fugitive reflection to the fact that I have a wife and three children somewhere, not very abundantly fur- nished with the " sinews of war." I suppose, if we could only understand it, that we'd discover our minds were like our bodies, and that we sometimes succumb to influences we could resist at other moments. Put your head out of the window at certain periods, and you are certain to catch a cold. I conclude that there are seasons the heart is just as susceptible. I cannot give you a stronger illustration of the strange delirium of my faculties than the fact that I actually forgot the princess whom we came expressly to meet, an^ T % 27G THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. never onco asked about licr. Tt was some time in the sixth week of our sojourn that the thoui^lit shot through my brain — " "Wasn't there a princess to be here ? — didn't we expect to see her ? " Uow Mrs. G. H. lauj,'hed when I asked her the question! She really couldn't stop her- self for ten minutes. "But I am right," — cried 1 — • " there really was a princess ? " " To be sure you are, my dear ^Ir. Dodd," said she, wiping her eyes ; " but you must have been living in a state of trance, or you would have remembered that the poor dear duchess was obliged to accompany the empress to Sicily, and that she couldn't possibly count upon being here before the middle of September." " What month are we in now ? " asked I, timidly. " July, of course ! " said she, laughing. " June, July, August, September," said I, counting on my fingers ; " that will be four months ! " " "What do you mean ? " asked she. " I mean," said I, " it will be four months since I saw Mrs. D. and the family." She pressed her handkerchief to her face, and I thought I heai'd her sob; indcecl, I am certain I did. Nothing was further from my thoughts than to say a rude thing, or even au unfeeling one, and so I assured her over and over. I protested that it was the very first time since I came away that I ever as much as remembered one belonging to me ; that it was impossible for a man to feel less the ties of family ; that I looked upon myself — and, indeed, I hoped she also looked upon me in a way — in fact, regarded me in a light — I'm not exactly clear, Tom, •what light I said ; of course, you can imagine what I intended to say, if I didn't say it. "Is this really true?" said she, without uncovering her face, while she extended her other hand towards me. " True ! " repeated I. " If it were not true, why am I here ? Why have I left " I just caught myself in time, Tom. I was nearly " in it" again, with an allusion to Mrs. D. ; but I changed it, and said : " Why am I your slave — why am I at your feet " Just as I said that, suiting the action to the words, the door of the room waa THE REAL LORD HARVEY. 277 jerked violently open, and a tall man, with a tremendous bushy pair of whiskers, poked his head in. " Oh, heavens ! " cried she ; " ruined and undone ! " and fled before I could see her, while the stranger, fastening the door behind him with the key, advanced towards me with an air at once so menacing and warlike that I seized the poker, an instrument about four feet six long, and stood on the defensive. " Mr. Kenny Dodd, I believe," said he, solemnly. " The same !" said I. " And not Lord Harvey Bruce, at least on this occasion," said he, with a kind of sneer. " No," said I, " and who are you ? " •' I am Lord Harvey Bruce, sir," was the answer. I don't think I said anything in reply ; indeed, I am quite sure I did not say a syllable ; but I must have made some expressive gesture, or suff"ered some exclamation to escape me, for he quickly rejoined, — " Yes, sir, you have, indeed, reason to be thankful ; for had it been my wretched, miserable, and injured friend instead, you would now be lying weltering in your blood." " Might I make bold to ask the name of the wretched, miserable, and injured gentleman to whom I was about to be so much indebted? " " The husband of your unhappy victim, sir," exclaimed he, and with such an energy of voice that I brandished the poker to show I was ready for him. " Yes, sir, Mr. Gore Hampton is now in this village — to a mere accident you owe it that he is not in this hotel — ay, in this very room." And he gave a shudder at the words, as though the thoughts they suggested were enough to curdle a man's blood. " I'll tell you what, my lord," said I, getting the table between us, to prevent any sudden attack on his part, " all your anger and high-flown indignation are clean thrown away. There is no victim here at all — thei'eis no villain ; and, so far as I am concerned, your friend is not either miserable or injured. The circumstances under which I accompanied that lady to this place are all easy of expland- 279 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. tion, and such as require a very din'creut acknowledgment from what you seem disposed to mako for them." " It' you thiuk you are dealing with a schoolboy, sir, you are somewhat mistaken," broke ho iu. " I am a man of the world, and it will save us a deal of time, sir, if you will please to bear this plain fact in your memory." " You may be that, or anything else you like, my lord," said I ; " but I'd have you to kuow that I am a man well respected in the world, the father of a grown-up family. There is no occasion lor that heavy groan at all, my lord ; the case is not what you suspect. I came here purely out of friendship " "Come, come, sir, this is sheer trifling, or it is worse, it is outrageous insult. The man who elopes with a woman, passes under a false name, retires with her into one of the most remote and unvisited towns of Germany, is dis- covered — as I lately discovered you — only insults the understanding of him who listens to such excuses. Wo have tracked you, sir — it is but fair to tell you — from the Rhine to this vilhige. We are prepared, when the proper time comes, to bring a host of evidence against you. In all probability a more scandalous case has not come before the public these last twenty years. Rest assured, then, that denial, no matter how well sustained, will avail you little; and when you have arrived at this palpable convic- tion, it will greatly facilitate our progress towax'ds the termination of this unhappy business." " Well, my lord, let us suppose, for argument's sake — 'without prejudice,' however, as the attorneys say — that I see everything with your eyes, what is the nature of tlie termination you allude to ? " " From a gentleman coming from your side of St. George's Channel, the question is somewhat singular," observed he, with a sneer. " Oh, I perceive," said I ; " your lordship means a duel." He bowed, and I went on : " Very well ; I'm quite ready, whenever and wherever you please ; and if your friend shouldn't make the arrangement inconvenient, it would be a great honour to me to exchange a shot with your lordship afterwards. I have no frieud by me, it is WANT OF A ** FRIEND.** 279 true ; but maybe the landlord would oblige me so far, and I'm sure you'll not refuse me a pistol." " As regards your polite attentions to myself, sir, I have but to say I accept them ; at the same time, I fear you are paying me a French compliment. It is not a case for a formal exchange of shots ; so long as Hampton lives, you can never leave the ground alive ! " " Then the best thing I can do is to shoot him," said I ; and whether the speech was an unfeeling one, or the way I said it was bloodthirsty, but he certainly looked any- thing but easy in his mind. " The sooner we settle the affair the better, sir," said he, haughtily. *' I think so too, my lord." " With whom can I then communicate on your part ? " " I'll ask the landlord, and if he declines, I'll try the little barber on the Platz." " I must say, sir, it is the first time in my life I find myself in such company. Have you no countryman of your acquaintance within a reasonable distance? " " If Lord George Tiverton were here^ " " If he were, sir, he could not act for you — he is the near relative of my friend." I thought of everybody I could remember : but what was the use of it ? I couldn't reach any of them, and so I was obliged to own. He seemed to ponder over this for some time, and then said, — " The matter requires some consideration, sir. When the unhappy result gets abroad in the world, it is necessary that nothing should attach to us as men of honour and gentlemen. Your friends will have the right to ask if you were properly seconded. " By the unhappy result, your lordship delicately insin- uates my death ? " He gave a little sigh, adjusted his cravat, and smoothed down his moustaches at the glass over the chimney. " If it should occur as your lordship surmises," said I, " it little matters who ofiBciates on the occasion; indeed," added I, stroking my beard, "the barber mightn't be an inappropriate friend. But I've been ' out ' on matters of this kind a few times, and, somehow, I never got grazed 2S0 THE DODD FASriLY AHROAD. yet: and that's more than the man op])Osite mo was ablo to say." "You'll stand before a man to-morrow, sir, that can hit a Napolcou at twenty paces." Faith, Tom, I was uigh saying I wish ho could find one for a mark about me; but I caught myself in time, and only observed, — " lie must bo an elegant shot." " Tho best in the Blues, sir ; but this is beside tho question. The difficulty is now about your friend. There may be some retired officer here — some one who has served ; if you will institute inquiry, I'll wait upon you this evening, and conclude our arrangements." I promised I'd do all in my power, and bowed liim out of the room and downstairs with every civility, which, I am bound to say, he also returned, and we parted on excellent terms. Now, Tom, you'll maybe think it strange of me, with a thing of the kind on hand, but so it was, the moment he •was off, I went to look for Mrs. Gore Hampton. " The lady ? " cried the waiter ; " she started with extra- post half an hour ago." " Started !" exclaimed I — " which way ?" " On the high road to Munich." " She left no letter — no note, for me ?" " No, sir." "Poor thing — overcome, I suppose. She was crying, wasn't she ?" " No, sir, she looked very much as usual, but hurried, perhaps ; for she nearly forgot the ham sandwiches she had ordered to be got ready for her." "The ham sandwiches!" exclaimed I, and they nearly choked me. " I'm going to be shot for a woman that, in the very extremity of her ruin, has the heart to order ham sandwiches ! " That was the reflection that arose to my mind, and can you fancy a more bitter one " Are you sure," asked I, " the sandwiches weren't for Madame Virginic, or the little dog?" " They might, sir, but my lady desired us to be sure and put plenty of mustard on them." This was the damning circumstance, Tom. She was DESERTED. 281 fond of mustard — I had often remarked it — and just see, now, on what a trivial thing a man's happiness can hang. For I own to you, so long as I was strong in what I fancied to be her good graces, I could have fought the whole regi- ment of Blues ; but when I thought to myself, " She doesn't care a brass farthing for you, Kenny Dodd; she may be laughing at you this minute over the ham sandwiches " — I felt like a drowning man that had nothing to grapple on. /Talk of unhappy and injured men, indeed ! Wasn't I in that category myself? Not even a husband's selfishness could dispute the palm of misery with me ! In the matter of desertion we were both in the same boat, and for the life of me, I don't see what we could have to fight about. I never heard of two sailors rescued from shipwreck quarrel- ling as to who it was lost the vessel ! " The best thing for us to do," thought I, " would be to try and console each other, and if he be a sensible, good- hearted fellow, he'll maybe take the same view of it. I'll ask him and my lord to dinner ; I'll make the landlord give us some of that wonderful old Steinberger, that was bottled three hundred years ago ; I'll treat them to a regular Saxon dish of venison with capers, washed down with Marcobrunner, and if we're not brothers before morn- ing, my name isn't Kenny Dodd." I was on " these hospitable thoughts intent," when Lord Harvey Bruce was again announced. He had found out an old sergeant-major of artillery, who, for a consideration, would undertake the duties of my second — kindly adding, that he and his family, a very large one, would also attend my obsequies. I interrupted his lordship to remark that an event had just occurred to modify the circumstances of the case, and mentioned Mrs. Gore Hampton's departure. " I really cannot perceive, sir," replied he, " that this in any way affects the matter in hand. Is my friend less injured — is his honour less tarnished, because this unhappy ■woman has at last awoke to a sense of her degraded and pitiable condition ?" I thought of the sandwiches, Tom, but could say nothing. "Are you less his greatest enemy on earth, sir?" cried he, passionately. £82 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. "Now listen to nie patiently, my lord," said I. " I'll bo ns brief as I can, for both our sakcs. I don't value it one rush whether I go out with your friend or not. If you want a proof of what I say, step into the little garden hero and I'll give it to you. I'm neither boasting, nor blood- thirsty, when I say that I know how to stand at either end of a ])istol ; but there's nothing to fight about between us." "Oh, if yuu renew that line of argument," cried he, interrupting me, "it is totally impossible I can listen." " And why not ? " said I. " Is it a greater satisfaction to your friend to believe himself injured and dishonoured, than to know that he is neither one nor the other?" " Then why did you come away with her?" " I can't tell," said I, for my head was quite confused with all the discussion. " And why call yourself by my name at Ems ? " " I cannot tell." " Nor what do you mean by the attitude in which I found you when I entered the room?" " I can't tell that either," cried I, driven to desperation by sheer embarrassment. " It's no use asking me any more. I have been living for the last five or six weeks like one under a spell of enchantment. I can no more account for my actions than a patient in Swift's Hospital. I'm afraid to commit my scattered thoughts to paper, lest they might convict me of insanity. I know and leel that I am a responsible being, but somehow my notions of right and wrong are so confused, I have learned to look on so many things diflerently from what I used, that I'd cut a sorry figure under cross-examination on any matter of morality. There's the whole truth of it now. I'd have kept it to myself if I could ; I'm heartily ashamed at owning to it — but I can't help it — it would come out. Therefore don't bother me with, 'Why did you do this?' 'What made you do that ? ' for I can give you no reasons for any- thing." "By Jove! this is a very singular affair," said he, lean- ing over the back of a chair, and staring me steadfastly in the face. "Your age -your standing in society — your appeai'ance generally, Mr. Dodd, would, I feel bound to say, rather " Hero he hesitated aud faltered, as if PLEASANT PROSPECTS. 283 the right word was not forthcoming, and so I continued for him, — " Just so, my lord ; would rather refute, than fix upon me, such an imputation. I'm not very like the kind of man that figures usually in these sort of cases." "As to that," said he, cautiously, "there is no saying. I am now only speaking my own private sentiments, the result of impressions made upon myself as an individual. Courts of Law take their own views of these things ; and the House of Lords has also its own way of regarding them." The words threw me into a cold perspiration from head to foot, Tom ! Courts of Law ! and the House of Lords ! wasn't that a pi'etty prospect for an encumbered Irish gentleman ? A shot, or even two, at twelve or fourteen paces, cannot be a very expensive thing, in a pecuniary point, to any man, and there's an awkwardness in declining it if others are anxious to have it, so that you appear un- gracious and disobliging. But Westminster Hall and St. Stephen's, Tom, is mighty different. I won't speak of the disgrace that attends such a proceeding at my time of life, nor the hue-and-cry that the Px"ess sets up at you, and follows you with to your own hearth — " the place from whence you came," and where now your wife waits for you — to perform the last sentence of the law. I won't allude to Punch and the Illustrated News, that live upon you for three weeks ; but I'll just take the thing in its simplest form — financially. Why, racing, railroads, con- tested elections, are nothing to it. Ton go to work exactly as Cobden says France and England do with their arma- ments : Chatham launches a seventy-four, and out comes Cherbourg with aline-of-battle ship — "Injured Husband," secures Sir Fitzroy Kelly ; " Heartless Seducer,"sends his brief to Cockburn. It's a game of brag from that moment ; and there's as much scheming and plotting to get a hold of Frank Murphy, as if he was the knave of spades ! It matters little or nothing what the upshot of the case may be : you may sink the enemy, or be compelled to strike your own flag ; it doesn't signify in the least ; the damages of the action are fatal to you. Now, Tom, although I never speculated in all my life 281 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. as to fi^'urinp; in an aiFair like this, these considt-rations were often strongly impressiil upon nio by reailiug tho newspapers, and 1 had corao to the conclusion that a man should never think of defending an action of this kind, no more than he would a petition against his election, and for the same reason. Since, althongh not actually guilty in the one case or the other, you are certain to have com- mitted so many indiscretions — written, maybe, so many ridiculous letters — and, in fact, exposed yourself so much, that if you cannot keep out of sight altogether, the next best thing is, let the judgment go by default. I say tliis to show you, that the moment my lord threw out the hint about law, I had made up my mind from that instant. "I sincerely wish," said he, after some deliberation, " that I could hit upon any mode of arranging this affair; for although I own you have made a strongly favourable impression upon me, ' Dodd ' " — he called me Dodd here, quite like an old friend — " wc cannot expect that Hampton could concur in this view. The fact is, the whole thing has got so much blazed abroad — they are so well known in the fashionable world, both home and foreign — she is so very handsome, so much admired, and he is such a charm- ing fellow — the case has created a kind of European kclat. Looking at the matter candidly, there may be a good deal in what you have said, but, as a man of the world, I am forced to say that Hampton must shoot you, or sue for a divorce. I am well aware that whichever course he adopts many will condemn him. In the clubs there will be always parties. There may spring up even a kind of juste milieu, who will say, ' Now that poor Dodd is dead, I wonder if he really icas guilty?" " I protest I feel very grateful to them, my lord," said I. But ho paid no attention to my remark, and went on, — " If vengeance be all that a man looks for, probably the law of the laud will do as much for him as the law of honour. You ruin a fellow, irretrievably ruin him, by au action of this kind. You probably remember Sir Gay- brook Foster, that ran off' with Lady Mudford? Well, he had a splendid estate, didn't owe a shilling, they said, before that ; they tell me now that some one saw him the OVER A FLASK OF STEINBEEGER. 285 other day at Geelong, croupier to a small ' hell.' Then there was Lackington, whom we used to call the ' Cool of the Evening.' " " I never knew one of them, my lord," said I, im- patiently, for I didn't care to hear all the illustrations of his theory. " Lackington was older than you are," continued he, " when he bolted with that city man's wife — what's his confounded name ? " " I am shamefully ill-read, my lord, in this kind of literature," said I, "nor has it the same interest for mo that it seems to afford your lordship. May I take the liberty of recalling your attention to the matter before us P" " 1 am giving to it, sir," said he, gravely, "my best and most careful consideration. I am endeavouring, by the aid of such information as is before me, to weigh the difficulties that attach to either course, and to decide for that one which shall secure to my friend Hampton the largest share of the world's sympathy and approval. I have seen a great deal of life, and all that I know of it teaches the one lesson — distrust, rather than yield to, first impressions. A while ago, when I entered this room, I would have said to Hampton, ' Shoot him like a dog, sir.' Now, I own to you, Dodd, this is not the counsel I should give him. Now, understand me well, I neither acquit nor condemn you ; circumstances are far too strong against, you for the one, and I have not the heart to do the other." " This talking is dry work, my lord," said I. " Shall we have a glass of wine ? " " Willingly," said he, seating himself, and throwing his gloves into his hat, with the air of a man quite disposed to take his ease comfortably. Our host produced a flask of his inimitable Steinberger, and another of a native growth, to which he invited our attention, and left us to ourselves once more. We tilled, touched our glasses, German fashion, drank, and resumed our converse. " If any man could have told me, twenty-four hours ago, that I should be sitting where I now find myself, and with you for my companion, I'd have told him to his face 280 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. ho was a calnmniator and a scnundrol ! Tliis time yester- day, Dodd, I'd have put a bullet through you, myself." " You dou't say that, my lord ? " " I do say, and rc[)eat it, I believed you to be the greatest villain the universe contained. 1 thought you a monster of the foulest depravity." " Well, I'm delighted to have undeceived you, my lord." " You Jiare undeceived me ! — I own to it. I believe, if I know anything, it is human nature. I have not been a deep student in other things, but in the heart of man I have read deeply. I know your whole history in tliis aflair, as well as if I was present at the events. You never intended seduction here." " Nothing of the kind, my lord — never dreamed of it!" " I know it, I know it. She got an influence over you — she fixscinatcd you — she held you captive, Dodd. She mingled in your thoughts — she became part of all your most secret cogitations. With that warm, impulsive nature of your country, you made no resistance — you could make none. You fell into the net at once— don't deny it. I like you the better for it — upon my life I do. Don't sup- pose that I'm Archbishop of Canterbury or Dean of Dur- ham, man." " I don't suspect in the least," said I. " I'm no humbug of that kind," said he, resolutely. " I'm a man of the world, that just takes life as he finds it, and neither fancies that human nature is one jot better or worse than it is. Hampton goes and marries a girl of sixteen ; she is very beautiful and very rich. What of that? She leaves him — and what becomes of the wealth and beauty ? She is ruined — utterly ruined ! He has his action at law, and gets swingeing damages, of course. What's the use of that? Will twenty thousand— will forty — would a hundred thousand pounds serve to com- pensate him for a lost position in life, and the alFection of that charming creature ? You know it would not, sir. Don't affect hesitation nor doubt about it. You know it would not." *' That wasn't what I was thinking of at all, my lord, THE WAY TO A COMPROMISE. 287 I was only speculating on the mighty small chance your friend would have of the money." " Do you mean to say, sir, that the iury wouldn't give it r "The jury might, but Kenny Dodd wouldn't," said I. " The Queen's Bench, sir, or the Court of Exchequer, would take care of that. They'd issue a ' Mandamus ' — the strongest weapon of our law ; they'd sell to the last stick of your property ; they'd take your wife's jewels — the coat off your back " "As to the jewels of Mrs. D.," says I, "and my own wardrobe, I'm afraid they'd not go far towards the liqui- dation." " They'd attach every acre of your estate." "Much good it would do them," said I. "We're in the Encumbered Court already." " Whatever your income may be derived from, they're sure to discover it." "Faith!" said I, "I'd be grateful to them for the in- formation, for it's two months now since I heard from Tom Purcell, and I don't know where I'm to get a shilling!" " But what are damages, after all! " said he; "nothing, absolutely nothing ! " "Nothing indeed ! " said I. " And look at the misery through which a man must wade ere he attain to them. A public trial, a rule to ^how cause, a motion — three or four thousand gone for that. The case heard at Westminster Hall — forty-seven witnesses brought over special from different parts of the Continent, at irom two guineas to ten per diem, and travelling expenses — what money could stand it ; and see what it comes to : you ruin some j^oor devil, without benefiting yourself. That's the folly of it ! Believe me, Dodd, the only people that get any enjoyment out of these cases are the lawyers ! " " I can believe it well, my lord." " I know it — I know it, sir," said he, fiercely. " I have already told you that I'm no humbug, I don't want to pretend to any nonsense about virtue, and all that. I was once in my life — I was young, it is true— in the same 283 THE DODD FAMILY AUROAP. prciliVamcnt you now ptniid in. It won't do to speak of the parties, but I suspect our cases were very similar. The iriend who acted i'or tlie linsbund happened to bo one who knew all my family and connections. He came frankly to mc, and said, — " ' Bruce, this aiVair will come to a trial — the damages ■will be laid at ten thousand — the costs will be about three more. Can you meet that ? ' " No,' said I, ' I'm a younger son — I've got my com- mission in the Guards, and eight thousand in the "Three- and-a-Half's " to live on, so that I can't.' " What can you pay ? ' said he. " ' I can stand two thousand,' said T, boldly. '* * Say three,' said he — ' say three.' " And I said, ' Three be it,' and the affair was settled — an exposure escaped — a reputation rescued — and a clear saving of sometbing like ten thousand pounds : and this just because we chanced both of us to bo ' men of the world.' For look at the thing calmly; how should any of us have been bettered by a three days' publicity at Nisi Prius — one's little tendernesses ridiculed by Thcsiger, and their soft speeches slanged by Serjeant Wilkins. Turn it over in your mind how you may, and the same conclusion always meets you. The husband, it is true, gets less money; but then ho has no obloquy. The wife escapes exposure ; and the ' other party ' is only mulct to one- fourth of his liability, and at the same time is exempt from all the ruffianism of the long robe ! A vulgarly- minded fellow might have said, ' What's the woman's reputation to me ? I'll defend the action — I'll prove this, that, and t'other. Ill engage the first counsel at the bar, and fight the battle out. I don't care a jot about being blackguarded before a jury, lampooned in the papers, and caricatured in the windows, he might say ; * what signifies to tne what character I hold betbre the world — I have neither sons nor daughters to suffer from my disgrace.' I know that all these and similar reasons might prompt a man of a certain stamp to regret this course, and say, ' Be it so. Let there be a trial ! ' But neither you nor /, Dodd, could see the matter in this light. There is this peculiarity about a man of the world, that not alone ho FISHING FOR EXPLANATIONS. 289 sees riglitly, but he sees quickly; he judges passing events with a kind of instinctive appreciation of what will be the tone of society generally, and he says to himself, ' There are doubtless elements in this question that I would wish otherwise. I would, perhaps, say tliis is not exactly to my taste ; I don't like that ; ' but whoever yet found that he broke his leg exactly in the right place ? What man ever discovered that the toothache ever attacked the very tooth he wanted ? I take it, Dodd, that you are a man who has seen a good deal of life ; now did your heart ever bound with delight on seeing the outside of a bill of costs ? or on hearing the well-known knock of a better known dun at your hall door ? True philosophy consists in diminishing, so far as may be, the inevitable ills of life. Don't you agree with me ? " "With the general proposition I do, my lord; the question here is, how far the present case may be con- sidered as coming within your theory. Suppose now, just for argument's sake, I was to observe that there was no similarity between our situations ; that while you openly avow culpability, J, as distinctly, deny it." " Tou prefer to die innocent, Dodd ? " said he, puffing his cigar coolly as he spoke. " I prefer, my lord, to maintain the vantage ground that I feel under my feet. Had you been patient enough to hear me out, I could have explained to your perfect satisfaction how I came here, and why. I could have shown you a reason for everything that may possibly seem strange or mysterious " " As, for instance, the assumption of a name and title that did not belong to you — a fortnight's close seclusion to avoid discovery — the sudden departure for Ems, and headlong haste of your journey here — and, finally, the attitude of more than persuasive eloquence in which I myself saw you. Of course, to a man of an ingenious and inventive turn, all these things are capable of at least some approach to explanation. Lawyers do the thing every day, some, with tears in their eyes, with very affect- ing appeals to Heaven, according to the sums marked on the outside of the briefs. If your case had been one of murder, I could have got you a very clever fellow who VOL. I. U 200 THE T>OT)T> FAIMILT ABROAD. •would linvo invoked divine vcnpcanco on his own head in open court if he were not in heart nnd soul assured of your spotless innocence ! liut now please to bear in mind that we arc not in Westminster Hall. Wo are here talking fiankly and honestly, man to man — sophistry and special pleading avail nothing ; and hero I candidly tell you, that, turn the matter how you will, tlie advice I have given is the only feasible and practicable mode of escaping from this diiiiculty." If you think me prolix, my dear Purcell, in narrating so circumstantially every part of this curious interview, just remember that I am naturally anxious to bring to bear upon i/our mind the force of argument to which mine at last yielded. It is very possible I may not be able to present these reasonings with all the strength and vigour with which they appealed to myself. I may — like a man who plays chess with himself — favour one side a little more than the other, or it is possible that I may seem weaker in my self-defence than I ought to have been. However you interpret my conduct on this trying occasion, give me the benefit of never having for a moment forgotten the fame and fortune of that lovely creature whose fate was in my hands, and whom I have rescued at a heavy price. I do not wish to impose upon you the wearisome task of reading all that passed between my lord and myself. The whole correspondence would fill a blue book, and be about as amusing as such folios usually are. I'll spare you, therefore, the steps of the negotiation, and merely give you the heads of the treaty : — " Firstly, Mr. G. H., by reason, and in virtue of certain compensations to be hereafter stated, binds himself to consider ]\Irs. G. H. in all respects as before her meeting K. I. D., regarding her with the same feelings of esteem, love, and affection a.? before that event, and treating her ■with the same ' distinguished consideration.' " Secondly, K. I. D., on his part, agrees to give accept- ances for two thousand pounds sterling, with interest at the rate of five per cent, per annum on same till the time of payment. The dates to he at the convenience of K' I. D-, always provided that the entire payment bQ TERMS OF THE TREATY. 291 completed within the term of five years from the present day. "Thirdly, K. I, D. pledges his word of honour never to dispute or contest his liability to the above debt, by any unworthy subterfuge, such as ' no value,' ' intimidation used,' or an}- like artifice, legal or otherwise, but accepts these conditions in all the frankness of a gentleman." Here follow the signatures and seals of the high con- tracting parties, with those of a host of witnesses on both sides. Brief as the articles read, they occupied several days in the discussion of them, during which Hampton retired to a village in the neighbourhood, it not being deemed " etiquette " for us to inhabit the same town until the terms of a treaty had laid down our respective positions. These were my lord's ideas, and you can infer from them the punctilious character of the whole negotiation. Lord Harvey dined and supped with me every day, breakfasting at Schweinstock with his principal. I thought, indeed, when all was finally settled between us, that G. H. and I might have met and dined together as friends ; but my lord negatived the notion strongly. " Come, come, Dodd, you mustn't be too hard upon poor Gore; it is not generous." And although, Tom, I cannot see the force of the observation, I felt bound to yield to it, rather than appear in any invi- dious or unamiable light. I, consequently, never met him during his stay in the neighbourhood. Lord Harvey left this, about ten days ago, for Dresden. We parted the very best of friends, for with all his zeal for G. H., I must say that he behaved handsomely to me throughout ; and in the matter of the bills, he at once yielded to my making the first for £500, at nine months, though he assured me it would be a great convenience to his friend if I could have said " six." I should have quitted this to join the family on the same day ; but when I came to pay the hotel bill, I found that the dinners and champagne during the week of diplomacy had not left me five dollars remaining, so that I have been detained by sheer necessity, and partly by my own will, and partly by my host's sense of caution, my daily life has been gradually despoiled of its little enjoyments, till I find 292 tup: dood family abroad. myself in the narrow circumstances of which this letter makes mention at the opening'. From beginning to end, it would bo difficult to imagine a more unlucky incident ; nor do I believe that any man ever got less for two thousand pounds since the world began. You cannot say a severe thing to me that 1 have not said to myself; you cannot appeal to my age, and my habits, with a more sneering insolence than I am daily in the hal)it of doing; your very bitterest vituperations would be mild in comparison to one of my own soliloquies, so that, as a matter of surplusage, spare me all abuse, and rather devote your loose ingenuities to assisting me out of my great embarrassments. I know well, that if wo don't discover a gold mine at Dodsborough, or fall upon a coal shaft near Brufl", that I have no possible prospect to pay these bills ; but as the first of them is nine months oft', there is no such pressing emergency. The immediate necessity is, to send me enough to leave this place, and join Mrs. D. and tho family. Write to me, therefore, at once, with a remit- tance, and mention where they are— if still at Bonn, where I left them. Tou had also better write to Mrs. D. ; in what strain, and to what purport, I must leave to yonr own ingenuity. As for myself, I know no more how to meet her, nor what mood to assume, than if 1 were about to enter the cage of one of Van Amburgh's lions. Now, I fancy, that maybe a contrite, broken-hearted look would be best ; and now, I rather lean to the bold, courageous, over- bearing tone ! Heaven direct me to what is best, for I never felt myself so much in want of guidance ! When you write to me, be brief; don't worry me with details of home, and inflict me with one of your national epistles about famine, and fever, and faction fights. I have no pity for anybody but myself just now, and I care no more for what's doing in Tipperary than if it was Canton. It will be time enough when I join the others to speculate upon whither we shall turn our steps, but my present thoughts tend to going back to Dodsborough. I wish from my soul that we had never left it, nor embarked in this infernal crusade after high society. A HINT FOR THE HUMANE SOCIETY. 293 education, and grandeur — the vain pursuit of which leaves me to write myself, as I now do, your most miserable and melancholy friend, Kenny Dodd. P.S. — I have a gold watch, made by Gaskin of Dublin about fifty years back ; but it's so big and unwieldy that nobody would buy it, except for a town clock. The case of it alone wouldn't make a bad-sized covered dish, and I'm sure the woi-ks ai-e as strong as a French steam- engine ; but what's the use of it all if I can't find a purchaser ? I have already parted with my tortoiseshell snufi'-box, that my grandmother swore belonged to Quintus Curtius ; and the only family relic remaining to me is a bamboo sword-cane, the being possessed of which, if it became known, would subject me to three months' imprisonment in a fortress, with hard labour ! If I were in Austria the penalty is death — and maybe that same would be a mercy in my misfortunes. The only walk whei'e I don't meet my duns is down by a canal — a lonely path, with dwarf willows along it. I almost think I'd have jumped in yesterday, if it wasn't for the bull-frogs — the noise they made drove me away from the place. Depend upon it, Tom, the Humane Society ought to get the breed for the Serpentine. It's only a most " determined suicide " could venture into their company ! The chorus in " Robert le Diable " is a love ditty compared to them I LETTER XXVI. MRS. DODD TO MR. PUKCELL, OP THE GRANGE, BRtTFP. Baden-Baden, Dear Me, Purcell, — Tour letter is now before me, and if I didn't know the mark of your hand before, I'd scarce believe the sentiments was yours. It well becomes you, one that but one woman would ever accept of, to 294 TUE DODD FAMILY AUJIOAD. lecturo tho likes of mo on the way I ought to treat my husband. A stingy old croatuiu that nits t-roakiug ovor an extra sod of turf on the fire, and counts out the potatoes to the kitclien.is not exactly tho kind of andiority to dictate laws to the respectable head of a family ! I often suspected tho nature of the advice you gave K. I., but I didn't think you'd have the hardihood to come out with it you/'Av//", and to nic ! How inueh you must have forgotten both of us, it's mighty clear ! Where did you get all the elegant expressions about K. I.'s " unavoidably prolonged absence "— '• the sacrifices exacted from friendship" — "the generous ardour of a chivalrous nature," and the other fine balderdash you bestow upon your friend's disgraceful Ijchaviour ? Do you know what you are talking about ? Have you a notion about the aflair at all ? Answer me that. Are you aware that he is now two months and four days away without as much as a letter, except a bit of an impertinent note, once, to ask are we alive or dead, not a sixpence iu cash, not a cheque, nor even a bill that we might try to get protested, or whatever they call it ? I don't make any illusions to why ho went, and what ho went for. I wouldn't disgrace my pen with the subject, nor myself by noticing it ; but, except yourself, in the brown wig and the black satin small clothes, I don't know one less suited to perform the "Luthorian." You are a nice pair, and I expect nothing less than to hear of yourself next ! And you have the impudence to tell me that these are some of the " innocent freedoms of Continental life 1 " AVhat do 1/ou know about them, I'd beg to ask — yoii, that never was nearer the Continent than ^lalahide r* As to tho innocent freedoms of the Continent, there's nobody can teach me anything ; I see them before me in the day when I drive out, at the table d'hote where I dine, and at every ball where they dance. Sweet innocence it is, indeed ! and particularly when practised by the father of a grown-up family — fiity-seveu, he says, in June, but more likely sixty odd, for I know many of his co-trum- peries, and nice young gentlemen they are, too ! You assure mo that you sympathize sincerely with K. T. I've uo objection to that ; he'll need all the comfort it PLAIN SPEAKING. 295 can give liim when lie comes home again, or I'm much mistaken. With the help of the saints, I'll teach him the differ between going off with a lady and living with his lawful wife. If he didn't know the distinction before, he shall now ! And then you think to terrify me about the state of his health. It won't do, Mr. Tom Purcell. He'll live to disgrace us this many a year. I know well what his constitution can bear, and what he calls the gout is neither more nor less than the outbreaks of his violent and furious temper ! Never flatter yourself, therefore, that you can make any of us uneasy on that score ; and if he comes back on a litter it won't save him. Your " sincere regrets that we ever came abroad," are very elegantly expressed, and require all my acknowledg- ments. Isn't there anything else you are sorry for ? Isn't it grief to you that we never caugbt the small-pox, or that James wasn't transported for forgery ? We ought to have stayed at Bruff; and, judging from the charms of your style, I have no doubt that we might have derived great benefit from your vicinity. You are eloquent, too, about expense ; and add, that you always believed that there was no economy in living abroad. Perhaps not, sir, if one unites foreign vices with home ones ; but I beg to say, when we left Dodsborough, I, for one, never contemplated the cost of tioo establish- meats — take that, Mr. Tom Purcell ! I wonder at myself how I keep my temper, and con- descend to argue with you about points on which an old bachelor, or widower (for it's the same), must necessarily be ignorant. Don't you perceive, that for you to discourse on family matters, is like a deaf man describing music ? And you wind up about the privileges of old friendship, and- so on! It's a new notion of friendship that makes a man impudent ! Where did you ever hear that knowing people a long time was a reason for insulting them ? As to your kind inquiries for the girls, I'd have liked them as well if not coupled with those ''natural fears" for the con sequences of foreign contamination. Mary Anne and myself got a hearty laugh out of your terrors ; and so I forgive your mention of them. 296 TUE DODD FAMILY ADROAP. James is quite well ; uud would, ho says, bo better, if that remittance you spoke of liad arrived. You tell me that the M'Carthy legacy is paid, and tlic money lodj^cd at Latouche's. But what's the use of that? It's here 1 want it. Find out a safe hand, if you can, and Bend it over to me ; for I'm resolved to have nothing to do with bills as Ion;:; as T live. And now I believe I have gone through the principal matters in your last, and I hope given you my ideas as clearly as your own. It may save you some time and stationery if I say that my mind is made up about K. I. ; and if it was Queen Victoria was interceding for him, I'd not alter my sentiments. It's no use appealing " to the goodness of my heart, and the feminine sweetness of my nature ; " all that you say on that head is only a warning to me not to let my weaknesses get the upper hand of me : a lesson I will endeavour to profit by, so long as I write myself, Your very obedient to command, Jemima Dol)D. LETTER XXYII. MRS. DODD TO MRS. MARY OALLAQHEH, HOUSEKEEPER, DODSBOROtTOH. Dear Molly, — I Pond you herewith a letter for Tom Purcell, which you'll take care to deliver with your own hands. If you are by when he reads it, you'll, maybe, perceive that it's not the " compliments of the season " I was sending him. He says he likes plain speaking, and I trust he is satisfied now. You are already aware of the barbarous manner K. I. has behaved. I've told you how he deserted me and the family, and the disgrace that he has brought down upon ns in the face of Europe ; for I must observe to you, Molly, that whatever is talked of here goes flying over THE PEACE CONGRESS. 297 the whole world, and is the common talk of every Court on the Continent. I could fill chaptsrs if I was to describe his wickedness and inhumanity. "Well, my dear, what do you think ! but in the face of all this Mr. Tom Purcell takes the opportunity to read me a long lecture on my "congenial" duties, and to instruct me in what manner I am to treat K, I. on his return. Considering what he knows of my character, Molly, I almost suspect that he might have spared himself this trouble. Did he, or did any one else, ever see me posed by a difficulty ? When did any event take me unawares ? Am I by nature one of those terrified creatures that get flurried by misfortune ? or am I, by the blessing of Provi- dence, gifted in a remarkable manner with great powers of judgment, matured by a deep knowledge of life, and a thorough acquaintance with the wickedness of the human heart ? That's the whole question — which am I ? Is it after twenty-six years studying his disposition and pon- dering over all his badness, that any one dan come and teach me how to manaofe him ? I know K. I. as I know my old slipper ; and, indeed, one is worth about as much as the other! I haven't the patience — it would be too much to expect from any one — to tell you how beautifully Mister Tom discourses to me about the innocent freedoms of the Continent, and the harmless fragilities of female life abroad ! Does the old sinner believe in his heart that black is white abroad ? and would he have me think that what's murder in Bruflf was only a justifiable hom'-a-side at Brussels? If he doesn't mean that, what does he mean ? Maybe, to be sure, he's one of the fashionable set that make out that the husband is always driven to some kind of vice or other by his wife's conduct ! For, I must remark to you, Molly, there's a set of people now in the woi'ld — they call themselves " The Peace Congress," I think — that say there must be no more wars, no fighting, domestically or nationally ! Their notion is this : everybody is right, and nobody need quari-el with his neighbour, but settle any trifling disagreement by means of arbitration. Mister Tom is, perhaps, an arbitrator. Well, I hope he likes the office ! Since I knew anything of life myself, I always found that, 203 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. if tliero was three people mixed up in a shindy, there was no hope of settling it, on any terms. He says, K. I. is comini^ iioiiie. Lot him come, says I. Let him surrender hiniscH, Molly, and justice will take its course. That's all the satislaction I'll give either of them. "Don't he vindictive," says !Mister Tom. Isn't that pretty language to use to me, I ask ? Is tlie Chief Justice "vindictive," Molly, when he says, "Stand forward, and hear your sentence? " Is he behaving " unlike a Chris- tian " wlieu he says, "Use the little time that's left you in making your peace? " Tlie old creature then goes on to quote Scripture to mc, and talks about the prodigal son. *' Very well," says I, " be it so. K. I. may be that if he likes, but I'll not be the fatted calf- that's all ! " The fact is, Alolly, I'm im- mutable as the !Maids and Prussians. They may talk till they're black in the face, but I'll never forgive him ! Wouldn't it be a nice example, I ask, to the girls, if I was to overlook K. I.'s conduct, and call it a " venal " oll'ence? And this, too, a\ hcu the eyes of all Europe is staring at us. "How will !Mrs. D. take it?" says the Prince of this. " What will Mrs. D. say to him ? " says the Duke of that. "Dees she know it yet?" asks the Archduke of ]Moravia. That's the way they go on from morning till night ; so that, in fact, Molly — as Lord George observes—" he is less of a private culprit than a great public malefactor." There's the way I am forced to look on the case ; and think more of the good of society than of my family feelings. Such are my sentiments, Molly, after giving to the case a most patient and careful consideration ; and it's little good in Tom Purcell's trying to oppose and obstruct me. If it were not for tins unhappy event, I must own to you, !Molly, that wo never enjoyed ourselves anywhere more than wo do here. It's a scene of pleasure and gaiety all day— and, indeed, all night long ; and nothing but the anticipation of K. I.'s return could damp the ardour of our happiness. However it's managed, I can't tell ; but the most elegant balls and entertainments are given here DIFFERENT KINDS OF BALLS. 299 free and for nothing ! Wlio keep up the I'ooms, pays for the lighting, the servants, and the refreshments, is more than I can say. All I know is, that your humble servant never contributed a sixpence to one of them. Lord George says that the Grand Dake is never happy except v?hen the place is crammed; and that he'd spend his last shilling rather than not see people amuse themselves. And there's a Frenchman, too — a Mr. Begasset, or Benasset, or some- thing like that — who is so wild about s,musement, that he goes to any expense about the place, and even keeps a pack of hounds for the public. Contrast this, my dear Molly, with one of our little miserable subscription balls at home, where Dan Cassidy, the dancing-master, is driving about the countrj^, for maybe three weeks, in his old gig, before he can scrape together a matter of six or seven pounds, to pay for mutton lights, two fiddles, and a dulcimer ; and, after all, it's perhaps over the Bridewell we'd be dancing, and the shouts of the dirty creatures below would be coming up at every pause of the music. Now, here, it's like a royal palace — elegant lustres, with two hundred wax-lights in each of them ; a floor like glass. Ask Mary Anne, if it isn't as slippery ! The dress of the company actually magnificent! none of your little shabby-coloured muslins, or Limerick lace ; none of your gauze petticoats, worn over glazed calico, to look like satin, but everything real, Molly — the lace, the silk, the satin, the jewels, the gold trimmings, the feathers — all the best of the kind, and fresh as they came out of the shop. Tou don't see the white satin shoes with the mark of a man's foot on them, nor the satin body with four fingers and a thumb on the back of it, as you would at a Patrick's Ball in Dublin ! Everything is new for each night. How Mary Anne laughs at the Irish notions of dress, of what they call in the Evening Post " a beautiful lama petticoat over a white satin slip !" or " a train of elegant figured tabinet." AVhy, Molly darling, you might as well wear a mackintosh, or go out in a suit of glazed alpaca cloth. Mary Anne says that the ball at the Castle of Dublin is like a tournament, where all the company dance in armour ; and, indeed, when I think of the rattling of 800 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. bead bracelets, false pearls, and IJcrlin necklaces, it rather reminds me of a hornpipe in fetters ! I must confess to you, Molly, there's nothing' as low anywhere as JJublin, and latterly, when anybody asks !M;iry Anne or me if it's pleiisant, we always say with a strong English accent, " Our military friends say, vastly, but we really don't know ourselves." Isn't that a pretty pass to be reduced to? But I'm told that all the Irish, of any distinction, are obliged to do the same, and never confess to have seen more of Ireland than one does from the Welsh mountains. It's no want of patriotism makes me say this. I wish, with all my heart, that Ireland was a perfect paradise ; and it's no fault of mine that Provi- dence intended otherwise. If I wasn't writing with my head so full of Tom Purcell and his late impudence, I'd have plenty to tell you about the girls and James, !Mary Anne is more admired than any girl here, and so would Gary, if she'd only let herself be so ; but she has got a short, snubby, tart kind of way with people, that never goes down abroad, where, as Lord G. says, " every cat plays with his claws covered." And as to Lord George himself, I wonder is it Mary Anne or Gary that he's after. I watch him day by day, and can make nothing of it ; but sure and certain it is he means one of the two, and that is the reason why he left this suddenly the other morning for England, and saying, — " There's no use letter-writing ; I'll just dash over and have a talk with my governor." I wouldn't ask him about what, but I saw the way the girls looked down when he spoke, and that was enough to \i ■show me in what quarter the wind was blowing. I wish from my heart and soul the proposal would come before K. I. came back. I'd like to have to show the superior way I have always managed the family aflairs ; for I needn't tell you, Molly, that he never had an eye to the peerage for one of his daughters ! but if he returns before it's settled, he'll say that lie had his share in it all ! As to James, he is everything that a fond and doting mother could wish. Six feet two and a half — he grew the half since he came here — with dark eyes, and a pair of whiskers and moustaches that there's not the like hero, HYDROPATHY FOR IRELAND. 301 dressed in the very top of the fashion, with opal and diamond studs to his shirt and waistcoat, and a black velvet paletot with turquoise buttons for evening wear. The whole room turns to look at him wherever he goes, for he walks along just for all the world as if he owned the place. You may suppose, my dear Molly, how little he resembles K. I. ; and, indeed, I have heard many make the same remark when we were at Bonn. I made Mary Anne write me down a list of the great people here who have all called on us ; but what's the use of sending it, after all ? You couldn't pronounce them if they were before you ! I send you, however, a bit I cut out of GaJignani's Messenger, where you'll see that we are put down amongst the distinguished visitors as "Madame M'Carthy Dodd, family and suite!" James still thinks if K. I. would call himself " The O'Dodd," it would serve us greatly ; and Mary Anne agrees with the opinion ; and perhaps now, when he comes back under a cloud, as one may say, it may not be so difficult to make him give in. As James remarks, " Print it on your card, call out and shoot the first fellow that addresses you as Mr. — make it no laughing matter for anybody, before your face at least — and the thing is done." Maybe we'll live to see this yet, Molly, but I fear it won't be till Providence sends for K. I. I spoke rather sharply to Waters in my last ; and I find now that the legacy is paid into Latouche's. Will you remind Purcell, that to be of any use to me, the money ought to be here. As to the Loan Fund, I wonder how you have the face to ask me for anything, knowing the way I'm in for ready cash, and that I'd rather borrow than lend any day. Tell Peter Belton, also, that I stop my subscription after this year to the Dispensary; and I am quite sure the old system of physic is nothing but legalized poisoning. Looking to the facilities of the country, and the natural habits of the people, I'm con- vinced, Molly, that the water-cure is what you want in Ireland ; and I've half a mind to write a letter to one of the papers about it. Cheapness is the first requisite in a poor country ; and any one can vouch for it, water isn't a dear commodity with yout 802 TllK DODD FAMILY AnilOAT). Father [Mahcr's remarks upon poor Jones M'Cariliy is, I must say, very niifci-liii'^' ; ami I don't coiucido with tlio conclusions ho draws iVoni tht-m ; for if ho was half as bad as ho says, masses will do him little pood: and for a few thousand years, more or less, I can't afford to ])ay fifty i)ounds! Ask him, besides, is it reasonable, that ■when the price of everything is falling, with Free-trade, that the old tarilf of Purgatory is to bo kept up still ? That would bo downright absurd ! Priests, my dear ;Molly, must lower their rates, as the Protectionists do their rents : that's " one of the demands of the age, and can't be resisted." As Lord George says, " The Church, like the railroad people, lell into the mistake of lavish expenditure ! Purgatory was like a station, and ought never to be made too costly. No one wants to live there: the most one requires is, to be decently comfortable, till you can 'go on.' What's the use of fine furniture, elegant chairs and carpets ? they're clean thrown away in such a place." If Father Mahcr thinks that the re- marks arc not uttered in a respectful spirit, tell him he's wrong ; for Lord G. and all his family are great Whigs, and intend to do more mischief to the Established Church than any party that ever was in power; and I must say, I never heard Father Maher abuse Protestants, bigotry, and intolerance more bitterly than Lord G. It is so seldom that one ever hears really liberal sentiments, or anything like justice to Ireland, I could listen to him for hours when he begins. If I'm right in my conjecture about the object of his journey to London, it will be the making of James; since, once that we are connected with the aristocracy, Molly, there's nothing we cannot have ; for, you see, the way is this : if you belong to the middle classes, they expect that you ought to have some kind of fitness for the occupation you look for ; and they say, " This wouldn't suit you at all ; " "That's not your line in the least;" but when you are one of the " higher orders," there's, so to say, a general adaptiveness about you, and you can do any- thing they ])ut before you, fi-oni ranging Windsor Forest to keeping a lighthouse ! When one reflects upon that, it's no wonder that one of our great poets Bays : " Oh, UNSUITED FOR IRELAND. 303 bless," or "preserve" — I forget which — "our old nobility!" Go into any of the great public offices — the Foreign or the Colonial, for instance — and they tell me that such a set of incapable-looking creatures never was seen, with spy- glasses stuck in their eyes, airing themselves before a big fire, and reading the r/me5 ; and yet, Molly — confess it we must — the work is done somehow, and by somebody. It reminds me of a paper-mill I once saw, and no matter how dirty and squalid the rags that went in, they came out " Beautiful fine wove," or " Bath extra." As to the questions in your last, I can't answer a tithe of them. You go on, letter after letter, with the same tiresome demand — " Are we as much in love with the Continent as we were ? Is it so cheap ? Is the climate as fine as they say ? Is there never any rain or wind at all ? Is everj'body polite and agreeable ? Is there no such thing as backbiting or slandering ? Are all the men handsome and biuve, and all the women beautiful and virtuous?" This is but a specimen taken at random out of your late inquiries ; and I'd like to know, that if even you gave me " notice of a question," as they do in the House, how could I satisfy you on these points ? The most I can do is to say, that there may be some slight exaggeration in one or two of these — the rain, for instance, and the virtue — but that, generally speaking, the rest is all true. I can be more explicit in regard to what you ask in your last postscript — "After living so long abroad, can we ever come back to reside in Ireland?" Never, Molly, never! I make neither reserve nor qualification in my answer. That would be clearly impossible ! for it's not only that Ireland would be insupportable to us, but, as Mary Anne remarks, " we would be insupportable to the Irish." Our walk, our dress, our looks, our accent, our manner with men, and our way with women ; the homage we're used to ; the respect we feel our due ; the topics we discuss with freedom, and the range of our views generally over life, would shock the whole popula- tion from Cape Clear to the Causeway. It's not easy for mo to explain it to you, Molly ; but, somehow, everything abroad is difierent from at home, 301 THE DOPD i-;m:ly abroad. Not only the things you talk of, but the way you talk of them, is quito distinct ; and tho whole world of men, morals, and manners, have quite another standard ! It is the same with one's thoughts as with their diet; half tho things we like best are only what is called acquired tastes. Trouble enough we often have to learn them ; but when once we do so, who'd be fool enough to go back upon his old ignorance again? High society and genteel manners, !Molly, however you may like them when you arc used to them, are just like London porter — mighty bitter when you first taste it. I know there are plenty of people will tell you the contrary, and that they took to it naturally like mother's milk ; but don't believe them, it's quito impossible it could be true. Once for all, I beg to tell you that there's no earthly use in tormenting and teasing us about the state the houso is in at Dodsborough ; how the roof is broken here, and the walls given way there. I trust sincerely that it may soon become perfectly uninhabitable, for I never wish to see it again ! I often think it wouldn't be a bad plan for K. I. to go back and reside there. I'm sure if he collected his rents himself, instead of leaving all to Tom Purccll, it would be " telling him something." You say that tho country is getting disturbed again, and that they're likely to have a "sharp winter for the landlords ; " but if it was the will of Providence anything should happen, I hope I have Christian feelings to support me! Indeed, I'm well used to trials now ! It's a mistake, besides, Molly, to suppose that these — I hate to call them " outrages," as the newspapers do — these little outbreaks of the boys have any deep root in the country. The Orangemen, I know, would make them out as a regular system, and say that it's an organized society for murder ; but it's no such thing. Father Maher himself told me that he spoke against it from the altar, and said: "What a pass the country has come to," says he, " that the poor labouring hard-working man has no justice to rit,'ht him, except his own stout heart and strong arm." AVhat could he say more than that, ^loUy ? but even those beautiful expres- sions didn't save him from tho Evening Mail! The English are always boasting about their bravery A COMPROMISE WITH ASSASSINS. 305 and tlieir courage, and so on ; and when any one says, " Why don't you buy property in Ireland ? " the answer is, " We're afraid." I have heard it myself, Molly, with ray own ears. But their ignorance is even worse than their cowardness, for if they only knew the people, they'd see there was nothing to be frightened at. Sure, I remember myself, when we lived at Cloughmanus, Sam Gill came up to the house one morning, to say that there was two men come from below Lahinch to shoot K. I. " They have the pass words," says he, " and all the tokens, and though I'm your honour's man, I was obliged to take them into my house and feed them." " It's a bad business, Sam," says he. " What are they to get for it ? " " Five pound between them, sir — if it's done com- plete." "Would they take three," says K. I., " and let me live?" " I don't know, sir ; but, if you like, I'll ask them." " I would like it, indeed," says K. I. And down went Sam to the gate-house, and spoke to them. They were both decent, reasonable men, and agreed at once to the oifer. The money was paid, and the two came up and ate a hearty breakfast at the house, and K. I. walked more than a mile of the road with them afterwards — talking about the crops and the state of the country down westward — and shook hands with them cordially at parting. Now, Molly, this is as true as the Bible, and yet there's people and there's newspapers call the Irish "irreclaimable savages." It is as big a lie as ever was written ! The real truth is, they don't know how, if they really wished, to reclaim them ! And, after all, how little reclaiming tliey need ! To hear English people discuss Ireland, you'd sup- pose that it was the worst part of Arabia Felix they were describing. But I haven't patience to go on ; I fly out the moment I hear them, and, faith, they're not proud of themselves when I'm done. " I wish you were in the House, Mrs. Dodd," says one of them to me the other night. " I wish I was," says I ; " if I wouldn't make it too hot VOL. I. X 30G TDE DODD FAMILY AKIIOAD. for Slowhnck, my iiunio isn't Jciiiinui ! lor he's tlie one that iibuscs us mosL ol all ! " Well, 1 must say, wo uro well repaid for all the cruel treatment wo receivo at home, by the kindness and " consideration," as they call it, we lueet with abroad ! The minute a foreiguer hears we're Irish, he says, " Oh dear, how sorry we are for your sulfer- ings ; wo never cease deploring your hard lot;" and to be sure, Molly, " wicked Old England," and the " Harlequin Pla<4-," as Dan called it, come in for their share of abuse. Besides these advantages, I must remark that Catholics is greatly thought of on the Continent; for it isn't as in Ireland, where's it's only the common people to mass. Here you may see royalty at their devotions. They sit in little galleries with glass windows, which they open every now and then, to take part in the prayers ; and indeed, whatever rank and i'ashion is in the place, you'ie sure to see it "at church;" mind, Molly, at church, for no educated Catholic even says "at mass." You want to hear " all about the converts to our holy faith," you say, but this isn't the place to get you the best information ; but as I hope we'll pass the winter in Italy, I'll, maybe, be able to give you some account of them. Lord George tells me that the Pope makes Rome delightful to strangers ; but whether it's " dinners," or " rccejjtions," I don't know. At any rate, I conclude he doesn't give ♦'balls." What a fuss they're making all over the world about these " rapparees," or refugees, or whatever they call them. My notion is, Molly, that we who harbour them have the worst of the bargain ; and as to our fighting for them, it would be almost as sensible as to take up arms in defence of a flea that got into your bed ! Considering how plenty blackguards are at home, I think it's nothing but greedi- ness in us to want to take llussian and Austrian ones ! Wo have our own villains ; and any one of moderate desires might be satisfied with them ! These arc Lord G.'s sen- timents, but I'm sure you like to hear the opinions of the aristocracy on all matters. What you say about Bony's marriage was the very thought that occurred to myself, and it was just the turn of a pin whether Mary Anne wasn't at this moment Empress A PUZZLING SITUATION. 307 of France ! Well, who knows what's coming, Molly ! There's many a one, now in a private station, and mighty hard up for means, that will, maybe, turn oat a King or a Grand-Dake before long. At any rate, no elevation to rank or dignity will ever make me forget my old friends, and yourself, the first of them. And with this, I subscribe myself, Yours ever affectionately, Jemima Dodd McCarthy. P.S. — I'll make one of the girls write to you nest week, for I know I'll be so much overcome by my feelings when K. I. arrives, that I'll be quite incapable to take up my pen. I soraetini's think that I'll take to my bed, and be " given over," against the day of his coming; for you see there's nothing gives such solemnity and weight to one's reproaches as their being last words. You can say such bitter things, Molly, when you are supposed to be too weak to bear a reply. But I've done this once or twice before, and K. I. is a hardened creature. Lord G says : " Treat him as if it Avere nothing at all — as if you saw him yesterday : don't give him the impor- tance of having irritated you. Be a regular woman of fashion." If my temper would permit, perhaps this would be best of all ; but have I a right to acquit a " gi'eat public malefactor ?" That's a " case of conscience," Molly, that perhaps only the Church could resolve. The saints direct me ! LETTER XXVIir. JAMES DODD TO KOBERT DOOIAN, ESQUIRE, TRISITY COLLEGE, DUBLre. My dear Bob, — It is quite true, I am a shameful corre- spondent, and your last three letters now before me, unanswered, comprise a ti-emendous indictment against me ; but reflect for a moment, and you will see that in X 2 308 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. all complaints of this kind thero is a certain amount of injustice, since it is hardly possible ever to find two people whose tastes, habits, and present circunistancea place them on such terras of perfect equality that the interchange of letters is as easy for one as the other. Think over this for a moment, and you will perceive that sitting down at your quiet desk, in "No. 2, Old Square," is a different process from snatching a hurried moment amidst the din, the crash, and the conflict of life at Baden ; and if your thoughts flow on calmly, tinctured with tho solemn influences around you, mine as necessarily reflect an existence chequered by every rainbow hue of good or evil fortune. Be therefore tolerant of my silence and indulgent to my stupidity, since to transmit one's thoughts requires pre- viously that you should think; and who can, or ever could, in a place like this ? Imagine a winding valley, with wooded hills rising in sonic places to the height of moun- tains, in the midst of which stands a little village — for it is no more — nearly every house of which is a palace, some splendid hotel of France, Russia, or England. You pass from these by a shady alley to a little rustic bridge, over what might be, and very possibly is, an excellent trout- stream, and come at once in front of a magnificent struc- ture, ferscoed without and gilded and stuccoed within. " The llooms," the Temple of Fortune, the ordeal of des- tiny. Bob, is held here ; and the rake of the croupier is the distafl' of the Fate. Hither come flocking tho repre- sentatives of every nation of the world, and of almost every class in each. Iloyalt}', princely houses, and nobility with twenty quarterings, are jostled in the indiscriminate crowd with houseless adventurers, beggared spendthrifts, and ruined debauchees. All who can contribute the clink of their Louis d'or to the music are welcome to this orchestra ! And women, too, fair, delicate, and lovely, the teuderest flowers that ever were nursed within domes- tic care, mixed up with others, not less handsome per- haps, but whose syren beauty is almost diabolic by com- parison. What a Babel of tongues, and what confusion of characters ! The grandee of Spain, the escaped galley slave, the Hungarian magnate, the Loudon " swell," the A MIXED SOCIETY. 309 old and hoary gambler with snow-white moustaches, and the unfledged minor, anticipating manhood by ruining himself in his "teens." All these are blended and com- mingled by the influence of play ; and, difl^ering as they do in birth, in blood, in lineage, and condition, yet are they members of one guild, associates of one society — the gambling-table. And what a leveller is play ! He who whispers in the ear of the Crown Prince yonder is a branded felon from the Bagnes de Brest ; the dark-whis- kered man yonder, who leans over the lady's chair, is an escaped forger ; the Carlist noble is asking friendly coun- sel of a Christino spy ; the London pickpocket offers his jewelled snuff-box to an Archduke of Austria. " How goes the game to-day ? " cries a Neapolitaa prince of the blood, and the question is addressed to a red-bearded Corsican, whose livelihood is a stiletto. " Is that the beautiful Countess of Hapsburg?" asks a fresh-looking Oxford man ; and his friend laughingly answers : " Not exactly ; it is Mademoiselle Varenne, of the Odeon." The fine-looking man yonder is a Mexican general, who carried off the military chest from Guanaguato ; the pom- pous little fellow beside him is aLucchese count, who stole part of the Crown jewels of his sovereign ; the long-haired, broad-foreheaded man, with open shirt-collar, so violently decouncing the wrongs of injured Italy, is a Russian spy; and the dark Arab behind him is a Swiss valet, more than suspected of having murdered his master in the Mediterranean. Onr English contingent embraces lords of the bedchamber, members of Parliament, railroad magnates, money-lending attorneys, legs, swells, and swindlers, ar?d a small sprinkling of University men, out to read and be ruined — the fair sex, comprising women of a certain fast set in London, divorced countesses, a long category of the widow class, some with daughters, some without. There is an abundance of good looks, splendid dress, and money without limit ! The most striking fea- ture of all, however, is the reckless helter-skelter pace at which every one is going, whether his pursuit be play, love, or mere extravagance. There is no such thing as calcula- tion — no counting the cost of anything. Life takes its tone from the tables, and where, as wealth and beggary 810 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. succeed each otlur, so docs every possible extreme of joj and misery, people wagur their passions and their emotions exactly as they do their bank-notes and thoir gold jiieces. Chance, my dear ]iob — chance is ten times a more intoxi- cating liqnor than ehampaj^ne, and once take to "dram- ming " with fortune, and you may bid a long adieu to sobriety! I do not speak here of the terrible infatuation of play, and the almost utter impossibility of resisting it, but I allude to what is infinitely worse, the certainty of your applying play theories and play tactics to every event and circumstance of real life. The whole world becomes to you but one great green cloth, and everything in it a question of luck ! Will the bad run continue here ? Will good fortune stand much longer to you ? These are the questions ever rising to your mind. You grow to regard yourself as utterly powerless and impassive ; a football at the toe of Destiny ! I think I see your eyebrows upraised in astonishment at these profound reflections of mine. You never suspected rae of moralizing, nor, shall I own it, was I aware myself that I bad any genius that way. Shall I tell you the secret, Bob — shall I unlock the mysterious drawer of hidden motives for you ? It is this, then : I have been a tremendously heavy loser at Rouge-et-Noir ! As long as luck lasted, which it did for three weeks or more, I enjoyed this place Avith a zest I cannot describe to you. The moralists tell us that prosperity hardens the heart ; I cannot believe it. I know, at least, that in my brief experience I never felt such a universal tenderness for everything and everybody. I seemed to live in an atmo- sphere of beauty, luxuiy, and splendour; every one was courteous ; all were amiable ! It was not alone that fortune favoured me, but I appeared to have the good wishes of all beholders ; words of encouragement mur- mured around me as I won ; soft bewitching glances beamed over at me, as I raked up my gold. The very banker seemed to shovel out the shining pieces to me with a sense of satisfaction ! Old veterans of the tables peeped over me to watch my game, and exclamations of wonder and admiration broke forth at each new moment of my triumphs I I don't care what it may be that con- THE WORSHIP OF SUCCESS. 311 stitutes tlie subject of display : a great speech in the House, a splendid picture at the Gallery, a novel, a song, a spirited lecture, a wonderful feat of strength or horse- manship ; but there is an in^Yard sense of intoxication in being the "cynosure of all eyes" — the "one in a thousand " — that comes very nigh to madness ! Many a time have I screwed up my hunter to a fence — a regular yawner — that I knew in my heart was touch-and-go with both of us, simply because some one in the crowd said, " Look how young Dodd will do it." I made some smashing ventures at the " tables," under pretty similar promptings, and, I must say, with splendid success. *' Are 3'ou always so fortunate !" asked a royal person- age, with a courteous smile towards me. " And in everything ?" sighs a gentle voice, with a look of such bewitching softness that I forgot to take up my stake, and see it remain on the board to double itself the next deal. Besides all this, there is a grand magnificence in all your notions under the access of sudden wealth. You give orders to your tradespeople with a Jove-like omni- potence. You revel in the unbounded realms of " I Avill." What signifies the cost of anything — the most gorgeous entertainment ? It is only adding twenty Naps. to your next bet ! That rich bracelet of rubies — pshaw ! — it is to be had for the turn of a card ! In a word, Bob, I felt that I had fallen upon the " Bendigo Diggins," without even the trouble of the search ! I wanted fifty Naps, for a caprice, and strolled in to win them, as coolly as though I were changing a cheque at my banker's ! " Come, Jim, be a good fellow, and back me this time ; I'm certain to win if you do," whispers a young lord, with fifteen thousand a year. " Which side is Dodd on ? " asked an old peer, with his purse in his hand. " How I should like to win eighty Louis, and buy that roan Arab," whispers Lady Mary to her sister. " I'd rather spend the money on that opal brooch," murmurs the other, " Egad ! if I win this time, I'll start for my regiment 812 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAn. to-uipflit," mutters a pale-looking sub., with a red spot in one cheek, and eyes lustrous as if on tiro. Fancy the power of him wlio can accomplish these, and a hundred like longinp^s, without a particle of sacrifice on his own part ! Imagine, my dear Bob, the conscious rule and sway thus suggested, and ask yourself what ecstasy ever equalled it ! I possessed all that Peter Schlcmihl did, and hadn't to give even my " shadow " in return. During these three glorious Avecks, I gave dinners, concerts, and suppers, commanded plays, bespoke operas, patronized Immbugs of all kinds, and headed charities without number. As to presents of jewellery, I almost fancied myself a kind of distributing agent for Storr and Mortimer. The hotel stables were filled with animals of all kinds belonging to me — dogs, donkeys, horses, Spanish mules, and a bear ; while every shape and description of equipage crammed the coach-houses and the court-yard. One of these, with a single wheel in front, and great facilities for upsetting behind, was invented by a Baden artist, and most flatteringly and felicitously called " Le Dod." Wasn't that fame for you, my boy ? Think of going down to posterity on noiseless wheels and patent axles ! fancy being transmitted to remote ages on C springs and elastic cushions! Suoh was the rago for my patronage, that an ingenious cutler had dubbed a newly-invented forceps by my name, and I was introduced into the world of surgery as a torture. Now for the obverse of the medal. It was on that un- Inckiest of all days — a Friday — that fortune changed with me. I had lain all the morning a-bcd, after being up the whole night previous, and only went down to the Ilooms in the evening. As usual, I was accompanied by my train of followers, lords, baronets, M.P.s, foreign counts and chevaliers — for I went to the field like a general, with his full staff around him ! You'll scarcely believe me when I tell you. Bob, but I say it in all truth and seriousness, that so long as my star was in the ascendant — so long as my counsels were what Homer would call " wealth-bestowing words," there was not an opinion of mine upon any subject, no matter how great my ignorance of it might have been, that was not listened to with deference and repeated with YOUNG dodd's luck. 313 approval. " Dodd said so yesterdary " — " I heai' Dodd thinks highly of it" — "Dodd's opinion is unfavourable;" and so on, were phrases that rang around me from every group I passed, and from the " odds on the Derby " to the " division on the Budget," there was a profound impression that my sentiments were worth hearing. The pleasantest talkers in Europe, the wittiest conversers that ever convulsed a dinner-party with laughter, would have been deserted and forsaken to hear me hold forth, whether the theme was art, literature, law and politics, or the drama, or any other you please to mention, and of which my ignorance was profound. My luck was unfailing. " Dodd never loses," — " Dodd has only to back it ;" these were the gifts which all could acknowledge and profit by, and these no man undervalued or denied. " Benasset " — this was the proprietor of the tables — " has been employing his time profitably, Dodd, during your absence. He has made a great morning of it — • cleared out the old Elector, and sent the Margraf of Eagatz penniless to his dominions." This was the speech that met me as I entered the door, and a general all hail followed it, " Now, you'll see some smart play," whispered one to his newly-corae friend. " Here's young Dodd ; we shall have some fun presently." Amid these and similar mur- murings I approached the tables, at which a place for me was speedily made, for my coming was regarded by the company as a good augury. I could dwell long upon the sensations that then thronged my brain ; they were certainly upon the whole highly pleasurable, but not unmixed with some sadness ; for I already was beginning to feel a kind of contempt for my worshippers, and for myself too, as the unworthy object of their devotion. This scorn had not much leisure granted for its indulgence, for the cards were nowpresented to me for " the cut," and the game began. As usual, my luck was unbroken. If I had doubled my stake, or by caprice withdrew it altogether, it was the same. Fortune seemed to wait upon my orders. Revel- ling in a kind of absolutism over fate, I played a thousand pranks with luck, and won — won on, as if to lose was an 814 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. inipossibilify. Wlmt strnnrrc fancies crossed my mind ae I Biit there ; vnguo fears, shadcnvy terrors of the oddest kind, wild, dreamy and undetinod ! Visions of joy and misery ; oririos, mad and furlDUs willi mirth, and agonizing sights of misery, tlioughts of men who had made compacts with the Fiend, and the terrors that beset them in the midst of their volnptnous abandonment ; Bolsliazzar at his feast ; Faust on the Brocken, rose to my mind, and I almost started up and fled from the table at one moment, so impressed was 1 by these images ! Would that I had ! "Would that I had listened to that warning whisper of my good genius that was then admonisliing rnc ! My reverie had become such at last, that I really never saw nor heard what went on about me. You can picture my condition to yourself when I say, that I was only re- called to self-possession by loud and incessant laughter, that rang out on every side of me. " What's the matter — what has happened ? " cried I, in amazement. " Don't you perceive, sir, "said a bystander, " that you have broken the iDank, and they are waiting for a remittance to continue the play ?" So it was, Bob ; I had actually won their last Napoleon, and there I sat pushing my stake mechanically into the middle of the table, and raking it up again, playing an imaginary game, to the amusement of that motley crowd, who looked on at me with screams of laughter. I laughed too, when I came to myself. It was such a relief to me to join, even for a moment, in any feeling that others experienced ! The money came at last. Two strongly-clasped, heavil}'- ironed coffers were borne into the room by four powerful men. I watched them with interest as they uidocked and poured forth their shining stores ; for in imagination they were already my own. 1 believe at that moment, if any one had oflered to assure me the winning of them " lor fifty Naps.," that I should have rejected the proposal with disdain, so impossible did it seem to me that luck could desert me ! Do you know, Bob, that what most interested me at the time, was the varied expressions displayed by the company at sight of the gorgeous treasure before them. It was strange to mark how little all their good CHANGE OF LUCK. 315 breeding and fine manners availed to repress vulgarity of thought and feeling, for there was greed, or envy, or hatred, or some inordinate passion or other, on every face around ; looks of mild and gentle meaning became dashed with a half ferocity ; venerable old age grew fretful and impatient ; youth lost its frank and careless bearing ; and, in I'act, gain, and the lust of gain, was the predominant and overbearing thought of every mind, and wish of every heart ! I pledge you my word, there was more animal savagery in the expi-essions oii all sides than ever I saw on a pack of yelping fox-hounds when the hunts- man held up the fox in the midst of them. It was the comparison that came to my mind at the moment, and I repeat it, with the reservation that the dogs behaved best. There was an old careworn, meanly-dressed man, Avith a faded blue ribbon in his button-hole, seated in the place I usually occupied, and he ai'ose to give it to me with that mingled air of reluctance and respect which it is so hard to resist. His manner seemed to say, " I am too poor and too humble to contest the matter, but I'd remain here if I could." " So you shall, then," said I to myself and pushed him gently down upon the seat again. "By Jove! the old fellow has got the lucky place," cried one in the crowd behind me. " Hang me, if Dodd hasn't given up his old chair ! " said another. " I'd rather have had tliat seat," exclaimed a third, " than one at the India Board." But I only laughed at these absurd superstitions — as though it were tiie spot, and not myself, that Fortune loved to caress ! As if to resent the foolish credulity, I threw a heavy bet on the table, and lost it ! Again and again I did the same, with the like result : and now a murmur ran through the room that luck had turned with me. I had given up my winning seat, and was losing at every turn of the cards. "Let me have a peep at him," I heard one whisper to his friend behind. " I'd like to see how he bears it! " " He loses remarkably well," muttered the other. " Admirably ! " said another. " He seems neither con- fident nor impatient, I like the way he stands it." 81G THE DODD FAMHA' ABROAD. " Egad, his band trembles tbougb ! lie toro tbat bank- note in trying to get it out of his fingers ! " " His liand is hot too — sec how tlie Louis stick to it!" " They'll not do so veiy long, depend on't," said a close- shaved, -svcll-whiskered fellow, with a knowing eye ; and the remark met an approving smile from the by- standers. "I have just added up his last fifteen bets," said a young man to a lady on his arm, " and what do you think he has lost ? Forty -eight thousand francs — close on two tliousand ] ounds ! " " (^iiite enough for one evening! " said I, with a smile towards him, which made both himself and his friend blush deeply at being overheard ; and with this I shut up my pocket-book, and strolled away from the tables into another room, where there were chess and whist-players. I took a chair, and affected to watch the game with interest, my heart at the moment throbbing as though it would burst through my chest. Don't mistake. Bob, and fancy it was the accursed thirst for gold that enthralled me. I swear to you, that mere gain, mere wealth, never entered into my thought at that moment. It was the gambler's lust — to be the victor, not to be beaten — that was the terrible passion that now struggled and stormed within me! I'd like to have staked a limb — honour — happiness — life itself — on the issue of a chance; for I felt as though it were a duel with destiny, and I could not quit the ground till one of us should succumb ! How poor and unsatisfying seemed the slow combina- tions of skill, as I watched the chess-players ! What miserable minuteness ! what petty plottings for small results! — nothing grand, great, or decisive! It was like being bled to death from some wretched trickling vessel, instead of meeting one's fate gloriously, amidst the roar of artillery and the crash of squadrons ! I lounged into the salons where they dance ; it was a very brilliant and a very beautiful assembly. There were faces and figures there that might have proved attractive to eyes more critical than my own. My sudden appear- ance amongst them, too, was rapturously welcomed. 1 was already a celebrity ; and I felt that amidst the soft glances CORIllJPTING INFLUENCE OF PLAY. 317 and beaming smiles around me, I had but to choose out her whom I would distinguish by my attentions. My mother and the girls came to me with pressing entreaties to take out the beautiful Countess de B., or to be presented to the charming Marchioness of N. There was a dowager archduchess who vouchsafed to know me. Miss Some- body, with I forget how many millions in the funds, told Mary Anne she might introduce me. Already the master of the ceremonies came to know if I preferred a mazurka or a waltz. The world was, so to say, at my feet ; and, as is usual at such moments, I kicked it for being there. In plain English, Bob, I saw nothing in all that bright and brilliant crowd but scheming mammas and designing daughters — a universal distrust — an utter disbelief in everything and everybody had got hold of me. Whatever I couldn't explain, 1 discredited. The ringlets might be false ; the carnation might be rouge ; the gentle timidity of manner might be the cat-like slyness of the tiger ; the artless gaiety of heart, the practised coquetry of a flirt — ay, the very symmetry that seemed perfection, might it not be the staymaker's ! Play had utterly corrupted me, and there was not one healthy feeling, one manly thought, or one generous impulse left within me ! I left the room a few minutes after I entered it. I neither danced nor got presented to any one ; but after one lounging stroll through the salons, I quitted the place, as though there was not one to know, not one to speak to ! I have more than once witnessed the performance of this polite process by another. I have watched a fellow making the tour of a company, with a glass stuck in his eye, and his hand thrust in his pocket. I have tracked him as he passed on from group to group, examining the guests with the same coolness he bestowed on the china, and smiling his little sardonic appreciation of whatever struck him as droll or ridiculous ; and when he has retired, it has been all I could do not to follow him out, and kick him down the stairs at his departure. I have no doubt that my conduct on this occasion must have inspired smiliar sentiments ; nor have I any hesitation in avowing that they were well merited. AVhen I reached the open air, I felt a delicious sense of 318 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. relief. It was so still, so calm, so tiMiiquil ! a bri^'ht btai-iit siiinmcr'.s iii;^^ht, with hero iiiul tlioro a murmuring of low voices, a gciitlo laut^h, heard ainont^st the trees, and the nistlini,'' souiuls of silk drapery bnishiiiti^ throu(^h tlio alloys — all those little suggestive tokens that bring up one's remiuisceuccs of "Those odorous hours In j;usmiiic bowers, Or under the linden-treol" But they only came for a second. Bob, and they left not a trace behind them. The monotonous rubric of tho croupier rang ever through my brain — " Faites votre jcu, Messieurs ! " — " Messieurs, faites votre jcu ! " The table, the lights, the glittering gold, the clank of the rake, were all before me, and I set off at full speed to the hotel, to fetch more money, and resume my play. I'll not weary you with a detail, at every step of which I know that your condemnation tracks me. I re-entered the play-room, secretly and cautiously ; I approached tho table stealthily; I hoped to escape all observation — at least, for a time ; and with this object I betted small sums, and attracted no notice. My luck varied : now, inclining on this side; now, to that. Fortune seemed as though in a half-capricious mood, and, as it were, undetermined how to treat me. " This comes of my own miserable timidity," thought I ; " when I was bold and courageous, she favoured me. It is the same in everything. To win, one must venture." There was a vacant place in front of me ; a young Hungarian had just quitted it, having lost his last "Louis." I immediately took it. The card on which he had been marking the chances of the game still lay there. I took it up, and saw that he had been playing most rashly ; that no luck could possibly have carried a man safely through such a system as he had followed. I must let you into a little secret of this game, Bob, and do not be incredulous of my theory, because my own case is a sorry illustration of it. Where all men fail at Rouge-et-Noir, is from temper. The loser makes tremen- dous etforts to re])air his losses ; the winner grows cautious with success, and diminishes his stake. Now the wise CAUGHT IN THE WHIRLPOOL. 3l9 course is, play lov.^ when you see Fate against you, and back your luck to the very limit of the bank. You ask, perhaps, " How are you to ascertain either of these facts? What evidence have you that Fortune is -with or against you? " As you are not a gambler, I cannot explain this to you. It is part of the masonry of the play-table, and every one who risks heavily on a chance knows well what are the instincts that guide him. I own to you, that though well aware of these facts, ond thoroughly convinced that they form the only rules of play, I soon forgot them in the excitement of the game, and betted on, as caprice, or rather as passion, dictated. We Irish are bad stuif for gamblers. We have the bull- dosf resistance of the Eno-lishman — his stern resolve not to be beaten — but we have none of his caution or reserve. We are as impassioned as the men of the South, but we are destitiite of that intense selfishness that never suffers an Italian to peril his all. In fact, as an old Belgian said to me one night, we make bad winners and worse losers ; too lavish in one case, too reckless in the other. I am not seeking excuses for my failure iu my nation- ality. I accept the whole blame on my own shoulders. With common prudence I might have arisen that night a large winner ; as it was, I left the table with a loss of nigh three thoasraid pounds. Just fancy it, Bob — five thousand pounds poorer than when I strolled out after luncheon. A sum sufficient to have started me splendidly in some career — the army, for instance — gone without enjoyment, even without credit ; for already the critics were busily employed in analyzing my " play," which they unanimously pronounced " badly reasoned and con- temptible." There remained to me still — at liome in the hotel, fortunately — about eight hundred pounds of my former winnings, and I passed the night canvassing with myself what I should do with these. Three or four weeks back I had never given a second thought to the matter, indeed, it would never have entered my head to risk such a sum at play ; but now, the habit of Avinning and losing heavy wages, the alternations of affluence and want, had totally mastered all the calmer properties of reason, and I could entertain the notion without an eifort. 820 The dodd family abroad. I'll not tire you with my rcasonint,'.s on this subject. Pro- bably you would scarcely dignify them with the name. They all resolved themselves into this : " If I did not play, I'd never win back what I lost ; if I did, I might." My mind once made up to this, I began to plot how I should proceed to execute it. I resolved to enter the room next day just as the table opened, at twelve o'clock. The players who frequented tlie room at tliat hour were a few straggling, poor-lo(jking people, who usually combined together to make up the solitary crown-piece they wished to venture. Of course I had no acquaintances amongst them, and, therefore, should be free from all the embarras- sing restraints of observation by my intimates. My judg- ment would bo calmer, my head cooler, and, in fact, I could devote myself to the game with all my energies uncramped and unimpeded. Sharp to the moment of the clock striking twelve, I entered the room. One of the croupiers was talking to a peasant-girl at the window. The other, seated on a table, was reading the newspaper. They both looked astonished at seeing me, but bowed respectfully, not, liowever, making any motion to assume their accustomed places, since it never occurred to them that I could have come to play at such an hour of the morning. A little group, of the very " seediest " exterior, was waiting respectfully for when it might be the croupiers' pleasure to begin, but the functionaries never deigned to notice them. "At what hour are the tables opened?" asked I, as if for information. " At noon, ^Monsieur le Comte," said one of the croupiers, folding up his paper, and producing the keys of the strong-box; " but, except these worthy people " — ■ this he said with a most contemptuous air of compassion • — " we have no players till four, or even five, of the afternoon." "Come, then," said I, taking a seat, "I'll set the virtuous fashion of early hours. There go twenty Naps, for a beginning." Tiie dealer shuffled the cards. I cut them, and wo began. We, I say ; because I was the only player, the little knot of humble folk gathering around me in mute A KEEN OBSERVEK, 321 astonishment, and wondering what millionaire they had before them. If I had not been too deeply engaged in the interest of the game, I should have experienced the very highest degree of entertainment from the remarks and comments of the bystanders, vv^ho all sympathized with me, and made common cause against the bank. Some of them were peasants, some were small shop- keepers from distant towns — the police regulations exclude all natives of Baden, it being the Grand-Ducal policy only to pillage the foreigner — and one, a half- starved, decrepit old fellow, had been a professor of some- thing somewhere, and turned out of his universit}'' to starve for having broached some liberal doctrines in a lecture. He it was who watched me with most eager intensity, following every alternation of my game with a card and a pin. At the end of about an hour I was winner of something more than two hundred pounds, and I sat betting on, my habitual stake of five, or sometimes ten, "Naps." each time. *' Get up and go away now," whispered the old man in my ear. "Tou have done enough for once — gained more in this brief hour than ever I did in any two years of hard labour." "At what trade did you work?" asked I, without raising my head from my game. " My faculty was the ' Pandects,' " repjied he, gravely ; "but I lectured in private on history, philology, and chemistry." Shocked at the rudeness of my question to one in his station, I muttered some half-intelligible excuse ; but he did not seem to suspect any occasion for apology — never recognizing that he who laboured with head could arrogate over him who toiled with his hands. " There, I told you so," broke he in, suddenly. "You will lose all back again. You play rashly. The runs of the game have been ' triplets,' and yoi(, bet on to the fourth time of passing." " So, then, you understand it ! " said I, smiling, and still making my stake as before. "Let the deal pass — don't bet now," whispered he, eagerly. TOL. I. T 822 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. " llcrr Eplirfiim, I have warned you already," cried tho croupicM', " tliat if you persist in disturbing; iiio gentlemen who play here, 3'ou will be removed by the police." Tho word police — so dreadful to all Gcrraan cars — made the old man tremble from head to foot ; and ho bowed twice or thrice in hurried submission, and protested that ho would bo more cautious in future. "You certainly do not exhibit such signs of good for- tune on your own person," said tho croupier, " that should entitle you to advise and counsel others." " Quite true, Herr Croupier," assented he, with an attempt to smile. " Besides that, if you reckon upon the count's good- nature to give you a trifle when the game is over, you'll certainly merit it better by silence and respect now." Tho old man's face became deep scarlet, and then as suddenly pale. He made an effort to say something, but though his hands gesticulated, and liis lips moved, no sounds were audible, and with a faint sigh ho tottered back and leaned against tho wall. I sprang up and placed him in a chair, and, seeing that he was overcome by weakness, I called for wine, and hastily poured a glassful down his thi-oat. I could not induce him to take a second, and he seemed, while expressing his gratitude, to bo impatient to get away and leave the place. " Shall I see you home, Herr Ephraim ? " said I ; " will you allow me to accompany you ? " " On no account, Herr Graf," said lie, giving me the title he had heard the croupier address me by. " I can go alone ; I am quite able, and — I prefer it." " But you are too weak, far too weak to venture by yourself — is he not so?" said I, turning to the croupier to corroborate my w'ords. A strangely significant raising of the eyebrow, a sort of — I know not what — meaning, was all the reply he made me ; and half ashamed of tho possibility of being made the dupe of some practised impostor, I di'ow nigh the table for an explanation. " What is it ? what do you mean ? " asked T, eagerly. A shrug of the shoulders, and a look of pity, was his answer. *' Is he a hypocrite ? — is he a cheat ? " asked I. A DANGEROUS CHARACTER. 323 "Perhaps not exactly that,^' said be, shuffling the cards, " A drunkard — does he drink, then ? " asked I. "I have never heard so," said lie. "Then what has he done? — what is he?" cried I, impatiently. He made a sign for me to come close, and then whis- pered in my ear what I have just told you, only with a voice full of holy horror at the crime of a man who had dared to have an opinion not in accordance with that of a Police Pi'efect ! That he — a man of hard study and deep reading — should venture to draw other lessons from history than those taught at drum-heads by corporals and petty officers ! " Is that all ? — is that all ? " asked I, indignantly. " All ! all ! " exclaimed he ; " do you want more ? " " Why, these things may possibly interest police spies, but they have no imaginable concern for me." " That is precisely what they have, sir," said he, hastily, and in a still more cautions tone. " You could not show that miserable man a kindness without its attracting the attention of the authorities. They never could be brought to believe mere humanity was the motive, and they would seek for some explanation more akin to their daily habits. As an Englishman, I know your custom is to treat these things haughtily, and make every personal insult of this kind a national question ; but the inconvenience of this course will track you over the whole Continent. Your passport will be demanded, here — permission refused you to remain, there. At one town your luggage Avill be scrutinized — at another, your letters opened. I conclude you come abroad to enjoy yourself. Is this the way to do it? At all events he is gone now/' added he, looking down the room, " and let's think no more of him. Messieurs, faites voire jeu," and once more rang out the burden of that monotonous injunction to ruin and beggary ! I wasn't exactly in the mood for high pla}'- at the moment; on the contrary, my thoughts were with poor Ephi'aim and his sorrows ; but, for very pride's sake, I was obliged to seem indifferent and at ease. For X Y % 821 THE DODD FAMILY AIJIIOAD. must tell you, Bob, this cold, im))as.sive bearing is the liigh brt'cdintjf of tlio play-tal>le, and to transj,'rL'Ss it, even for an instant, is a gross breach of good manners. I have told you my mind was prcoccuinod ; tho results were soon manifest in my play. Every " couj) " was ill-timed. I was always on the wrong colour, and lost without in- termission. " This is not your ' beau moment,' ^Monsieur lo Comte," said the croupier to mc, as ho raked in a stake I had suffered to quadruple itself by remaining. " I should almost say, wait for another time ! " *' Had you said so half an hour ago," replied I, bitterly, " the counsel might have been worth heeding. Tiicro goes the last of twenty thousand francs." And there it tiid go, Bob ! swept in by the same remorseless hand that gathered all I possessed. I lingered for a few moments, half stunned. I felt like one that requires some seconds to recover from the effects of a severe blow, but who feels conscious tliat with time he shall rally and be himself again. After that I strolled out into the open air, lighted my cigar, and turned off into a steep path that led up the mountain side, under the cover of a dense pine forest. I walked for hours, without noticing the way at either side of me, and it was only Avhen, overcome with thirst, I stooped to drink at a little fountain, that I perceived 1 had crossed over the crest of the mountain, and gained a little glen at its foot, watered by what I guessed must be a capital fishing-stream. In- deed, I had not long to speculate on this point, for, a few hundred yards off', 1 beheld a man standing knee-deep in the water, over -which he threw his line, with that easy motion of the wrist that bespeaks the angler. I must tell you that the sight of a fly-fisher is so far interesting abroad, that it is only practised by the English; and although, Heaven knows, there is no scarcity of them in town and cities, the moment you wander in the least out of the beaten, frequented track of travel, you rejoice to see your countryman. I made towards him, therefore, at once, to ask what sport he had, and came up just as ho had landed a good-sized fish. A CHAT WITH CAPTAIN MORRIS. 325 "I see, sir," said I, " that the fish are not so strong as in our waters. You'd have given that fellow twenty minutes more play, had he been in a Highland tarn." "Or in that brisk little river at Dodsborough," replied he, laughing; and, turning round at the same time to salute me, I perceived that it was Captain Morris. You may remember him being quartered at BrufF, about two years ago, and having had some altercation with my governor on some magisterial topics. He was never much to my taste. I thought him somewhat of a military prig, very stiff and stand off, but whether it was the shoot- ing-jacket vice the red coat, or change of place and scene, I know not, but now, he seemed far more companionable than I could have thought him. He was a capital angler too, and spoke of shooting and deer-stalking like one passionately fond of them. I felt half ashamed at first, when he asked me my opinion of the trout streams in the neighbourhood, and it was only as we warmed up, that I owned to the kind of life I had been leading at Baden, and the consequences it had entailed. " Fortunately for me, in one sense," said he, laughing, " I have always been too poor a man to play at anything ; and chess, which excludes all idea of money, is the only game I know. But of this I am quite sure, that the worst of gambling is neither the time nor the money lost upon it ; it is the simple fact that, if you ever win, from that moment forth you are unfitted to the pursuits by which men earn their livelihood. The slow, careworn paths of daily industry become insufferable to him who can compass a year's labour by the turn of a die. Enrich yourself but once — only once — at the play-table, and try then what it is to follow any career of patient toil." He had seen, he said, many examples of this in his own regiment; some of the very finest fellows had been ruined by play, for, as he remarked, " it is strange enough, there are few vices so debasing, and j-et the natures and tem- peraments most open to the seduction of the gaming-table are very far from being those originally degraded." I suppose that his tone of conversation chimed in well with my thoughts at the moment, for I listened to all he said with deep intei-est, and willingly accepted his inviiation 32G THE DODl) FAMILY AHROAD. to oat some of bis morning's sport at a little cottage, wliorc lie lived, hard by. lio bad tiilcLii it for tlio Kcason, and was staying tbcro with his mother, a chanuing old lady, who welcomed me with great cordiality. 1 dined and passed the evening with them. I don't remember when I spent one so much to my satisfaction, tor there was something more than courtesy — something beyond mere politeness in their manner towards me ; and I could observe in any chance allusion to the girls, there was a degree of real interest that almost savoured of friendship. There was but one point on wliich 1 did not thoroughly go with ^Morris, and that was about Tiverton. On that 1 found him full of the commonL»st and most vulgar prejudices. He owned that there v/as no acquaint- anceship between them, and therefore I was able to attri- bute much, if not all, of his impressions to erroneous information. Now I know George intimately — nobody can know him better. He is what they call in the world " a loose fish." He's not overburdened with strict notions, or rigid principles ; he'd tell you himself, that to be en- cumbered with either would be like entering for a rowing- match in a strait waistcoat ; but he is a fellow to share his last shilling with a friend — thoroughly generous and free-hearted. The.se are qualities, however, that men like Morris hold cheap. They seem to argue that nobody stands in need of such attributes. I ditier with them there, totally. My notion is, that shipwreck is so common a thing in life, it is always pleasant to think that a friend can throw you a spare hencoop when you're sinking. We chatted till the night closed in, and then, as the moon got up, Morris strolled with me to within a mile of Baden. "There!" said he, pointing to the little village, now all spangled with its starry lights — " there lies the fatal spot that has blighted many a hope, and made many a heart a ruin ! I wish you were miles away from it ! " "It cannot injure me much now," said I, laughing ; " I am as regularly ' cleaned out ' as a poor old professor I met there this morning, Herr Ephraim." "Not Ephraim Gauss?" asked he. "Did you meet him ? " A FRIENDLY WAKNlNa. 327 " If that be his name, a small, mean-looking man, with a white beard -" " One oC the first men in Germany — the greatest civilian —the most learned Orientalist — and a man of almost universal attainment in science — tell me of him." I told him the little incident I have already related to you, and mentioned the caution given me by the croupier. " Which is not the less valuable," broke he in, " because he who gave it is himself a paid spy of the police." I started, and he went on. " Yes, it is perfectly true ; and the advice he gave you was both good and well intended. These men who act as the croupiers are always in the pay of the police. Their position affoi'ds them the very best and safest means of obtaining information ; they see everybody, and they hear an immensity of gossip. Still, it is not their interest that the English, who form the great majority of play-victims, should be excluded from places of gambling resort. With them, they would lose a great part of their income ; for this reason he gave you that warning, and it is by no means to be despised or undervalued." Afc length we parted, he, to return over the mountain to his cottage, and I, to continue my way to the hotel. " At least promise me one thing," said he, as he shook my hand : " you'll not venture down yonder to-night ; " and he pointed to the great building where the play went forward, now brilliant in all its illumination. " That's easily done," said I, laughing, " if you mean as regards play." " It is as regards play, I say it," replied he ; "for the rest, I suppose you'll not incur much hazard." " I say that the pledge costs little sacrifice ; I have no money to wager." " All the better, at least for the present. My advice to you would be, take your rod, or, if you haven't one, take one of mine, and set out for a week or ten days up the valley of the ' Moorg.' Tou'll have plenty of fishing, pretty scenery, and, above all, quiet and tranquillity to compose your mind and recover your faculties after all this fevered excitement." He continued to urge this plan upon me with consider- 3'28 TRE ponn family abroad. able show of reason, and Bucli success, that as I shook his hand for the last time it was in a promise to carry out tlio scheme. He'd have gone witli me liimsclf, ho said, but that he couhl not leave his mother, even for a few days ; and, indeed, this I scarcely reirrettcd, because, to own tho honest fact, my dear Bob, 1 fc-lt that there was a terrible gulf between us in fifty matters of thought and opinion; and, what was worse, I saw that he was more often in the right than myself. Now, wise notions of life, prudent resolves, and sage aphorisms, arc certain to come some time or other to everybody ; but I'd as soon think of "getting up" wrinkles and crows' feet as of assuming them, at one-and-twenty. I know, at least, that's Tiverton's theory, and he, it can't be denied, does understand tho world as well as most men. Not that I do not like Morris ; on the contrary, I am sure he is an excellent fellow, and worthy of all respect, but somehow he doesn't " go along," Bob ; he's — as we used to say of a clumsy horse in heavy ground — " he's sticky." But I'm not going to abuse him, and particularly at the moment when I am indebted to his friendship. AVhen I reached the hotel I was so full of my plan that I sent for the landlord, and asked him to convert all my goods and chattels, live and dead, into ready cash. After a brief and rather hot discussion the scoundrel agreed to give me two hundred " Naps." for what Avould have been cheap at twelve. No matter, tliought I, I'll make an end of Baden, and if ever I set foot in it again " " Come, out with the cash, ^Faster Miiller," cried I, impatient to be off; " I'm sick of this place, and hope never to set eyes on't more !" " Ah, the ' Herr Graf is going away then ? " said he, in some surprise. *' And the ladies, are tliey, too, about to leave ? " " I know nothing about their intentions, nor have you any business to make the inquiry," replied I ; "pay tliis money, and make an end of it." He muttered something about doing the thing regularlj', not having " so much gold by him," and so on, ending with a promise that in half an hour I should have the cash sent to my room. OFF FOR A •'A'EEK'S FISHING. 329 I accordingly hurried upstairs to put away my traps. My mother and tlie girls had already gone out for the evening, so that I wrote a few lines to say that 1 was off for a week's fishing, but would be back by Wednesday. I had just finished my short despatch, when the landlord entered with a slip of paper in one hand and a canvas bag of money in the other. " This is the inventory of the goods, Herr Graf, which you will please assign over to me, by affixing your sig- nature." I wrote it at once. " This is my little account for your expenses at the hotel," said he, presenting a hateful-looking- strip of a foot and a half long. " Another time — no leisure for looking over that now ! " said I, angrily. " Whenever you please, Herr Graf," said he, Avith the same imperturbable manner. " You will find it all correct, I'm sure. This is the balance ! " And opening the bag he poured forth some gold and silver, which, whea counted, made up twenty-seven ITapoleons, fourteen francs. •' And what's this? " cried I, almost boiling over with rage. " Your balance, Herr Graf. All that is coming to you. If you will please to look here " " Give me up that inventory — that bill of sale," cried I, perfectly wild with passion. He only gave a grim smile, while, by a significant ges- ture, he showed that the paper in question was in his breeches-pocket. For a second. Bob, I was so thoroughly beside myself with passion, that I determined to regain possession of it by force. To this end I went to the door, and locked it ; but by the time I returned to him, I found that he had thrown up the window and addi'essed some words to the people in the court-yard. This brought me to my senses, so I counted over my twenty-seven N'aps., placed the bill on the chimney-piece, unlocked the door, and told him to go ; an injunction which, I assure you, he obeyed with such alacrity, that had I been disposed to assist his exit I could not have been in time to do it. For both our sakes I'll not recall the state of mind in 830 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. wliii'li this scene left me. As to goinp; an excursion ■with such a sum, or rather with wliat ■\voukl liavc remained of it, after paying; waiters, porters, and sucli-like, it was too absurd to think of, so that I coolly put it in my pocket, walked over to the rooms, threw it on the ^'reen clotli of the gaming-table — and — lost it ! There ends the episode of my last fortnight's existence — as dreary and disreput- able a one as need be. As to how I have passed the last four days I'm not quite so clear! I have walked some twcnty-tive or thirty miles in each, dining at little way- side inns, and returning late at night to Baden. Passing through picturesque glens, and along mountain rideres of boldest outline, 1 have marked little. I remom- ber still less. Still the play-fever is abating. I can sleep without dreaming of the croupier's chant, and I awake without starting at any imaginary loss ! I feel as though great bodily exertion and fatigue would ultimately antago- nize the excessive tension of nerves too long and too pain- fully on the stretch, and I am steadily pursuing this system for a cure. When I come home — after midnight — I add some pages to this long epistle, which I sometimes doubt if I shall ever have courage to send you ! for there is this poignant misery about one's play misfortunes, you never can expect a friend's sympathy, no matter how severe your sufferings be. The losses at play are thoroughly selfish ills — they appeal to nothing for consolation ! You will have remarked how I have avoided all mention of the family in this epistle. The truth is, I scarcely ever see my mother or ilary Anne. Caroline occasionally comes to me before I'm up of a morning ; but it is to sorrow over domestic griefs of one kind or other. My father is still away, and, strangely too, we do not hear from him ; and, in fact, we are a most ill-ordered, broken- up household, each going his own road, and that being — in almost every case, I fear — a bad one. This recital — if it be ever destined to come to hand — may possibly tend to reconcile you to home life, and tho want of those advantages which you are so thorouglily convinced ])ei'tain to foreign travel. I know that in my preseiit mood I am very far from being an impartial TIVERTON ON THE JEW BILL. 331 witness, and I am also aware tliat I am open to the reproacli of not having cultivated those arts which give to Continental residence its peculiar value ; but let me tell you, Bob, the ignorance with which I left home — the utter neglect of education in youth — left me unable to derive profit from what lay so seemingly accessible. You do not plate over cast-iron, and the thin lacquer of gold or silver would never even hide the base metal beneath. I haven't courage to go over and see Morris ; and here I live, perfectly isolated and companionless. Tiverton writes me word that he'll be back in a few days. He went over to speak on the Jew Bill. He says that his liberal speech on that measure " stood to him" very hand- somely in Lombard Street. He has forwarded the report of his oration, but I haven't read it. His chief argument in favour of admitting them into Parliament is, " There are so few of them." It's very like the lady's plea — of the child being a little one. However, I don't think it signifies much one way or t'other ; but it seems strange to exclude men from legislation who claim for their ancestor the first Lawgiver. I shall be all eagerness to hear what success you have had for the scholarship. You are a happy fellow to have heart and energy for an honourable ambition ; and that you may have "luck" — for that is requisite, too — is the sincere wish of your attached friend, James Dodd. LETTER XXIX. CAROLINE DODD TO MISS COX, AT MISS MINCING* 3 ACADEMY, BLACK ROCK, IRELAND. The Moorg Tlial. Mt dear Miss Cox, — How happy would you be if only seated in the spot where I now write these lines ! I am at an open window, the sill of which is a great rock, all covered with red-brown moss, and beneath again, at some thirty feet lower, runs the clear stream of the Moorg river. 032 THE DOBD FAMILY ABROAD. Two gipf.intic mountains, clad in pine forests to the sum- mits, enclose the valley, tlio view of wliich, however, extends to full two miles, showing' little peeps of farm- houses and mills along tlio river's bank, and high upon a great bold crag, the ducal castle of Eberstein. The day is hot but not sultry, for a light summer breeze is playing over the water, and, high up, the clouds move slowly on, now casting broad masses of mellow shadow over the deep- tinted forest. The stream here falls over some masses of rock with a pleasant gushing music, that harmonizes well with tho songs of tho peasant girls, who arc what we should in Ireland call " beetling" their clothes in the water. On the opposite bank some mowers are seated at their dinner, under the shadow of a leafy horse-chestnut tree, and, far away in the distance, a waggon of the newly-cut hay is traversing the river ; the horses stop to drink, and the merry children are screaming their laughter from the top of the load. I hear tliem even here. That you may learn where I am, and how I have como hither, let me tell you that I am on a visit with Mrs. Morris, the mother of Captain M., at a little cottage they have taken for the season, about twelve miles from Baden, in a valley called the Moorg Thai. If its situation be the very perfection of picturesque choice, it contains within quite enough of accommodation i'or those who occupy it, Tho furniture, too, most simple though it be, is of that nice old walnut- wood, so bright and mellow-looking ; and our little drawing-room is even handsomely ornamented by a richly carved cabinet and a centre table, the support of which is a grotesque dwarf with four heads. Then wo have a piano, a reasonably well-filled book-shelf, and a painter's easel, to which I turn at intervals, as I write, to give a passing touch of light to those trees now waving in the summer's wind, and which I destine, when finished, for my dear, dear governess. All the externals of rural life in Germany are highly picturesque — I might almcst call thern poetic. The cottages, the costume, the little phrases in use amongst the people, their devotional offices, and, above all, their music, make up an ideal of countiy life such as I scarcely conceived possible to exist. ENLIGHTENMENT OF THE PEOPLE. 333 There is, too, I am told — for my imperfect knowledge of the language does not permit me to state the fact of myself — an amomit of information amongst the people seldom found in a similar class throughout the rest of Europe. I do not mean the peasantry here, but the dwellers in the small villages — those, for instance, who follow handicrafts and small trades, and who are usually great readers and very acute thinkers. Denied almost entirely all access to that daily literature of newspapers on which our people feed, they fall back upon a very different class of writing, and are conversant with the works of their great prose and verse writers. Tlieir thoughts are thus idealized to a degree ; they themselves become assuredly less work-a-day and practical, but their hopes, their aspira- tions, and their ambitions, take a higher flight than we could ever think possible from such humble i-estiug-places. Mrs. Morx'is, who knew Germany many years ago, tells me that those fatal years of '48 and '49 have done them great injury. Suddenly called upon to act, in events and contingencies of which they derived all their knowledge from some parallels in remote history, they rushed into the excesses of a mediceval period, as the natural conse- quences of the position ; and all the atrocities of bygone centuries were re-enacted by a people who are unques- tionably the most docile and law-obeying of the whole Continent. They are now calming down again, and there is every reason to think that, if unshaken by troubles from without or within, Germany will again be the happy land it used to be. Forgive me, my dear Miss Cox, if I grow tiresome to you, by a theme which now fills all my thoughts, and occupies so much of our daily talking. Captain M. has gone to England on some important matter of business, and the old lady is my only companion. Oh, how you would like her ! and how capable you would be of appreciating traits and features of her mind, of which I, in my insufficiency, can but dimly catch the meaning. She is within a year or two of eighty, and yet with a freshness of heart and a brightness of intellect that would shame one of my age. The mellow gaiety of heart that, surviving all the trials 33-1 TnE DODn family aproad. of life, lives on to romoto ago, liopoful in the midst of disappointments, trustint,' even when betrayed, is tho niorit captivating trait tliat can adorn our jjoor nature. The spirit that can extract its pleasant memories from tho past, forgetting all their bitterness, is truly a happy one. This she seems to do, in all gratitude for what blessings remain to her, after a life not devoid of misfortune. She is devotedly attached to her son, who, in return, adores her. Probably no picture of domestic affection is moro touching than that subsisting between a man already past youth and his aged and widowed mother. The littlo tender attentions — the watchful kindnesses on both sides — those gi-aceful concessions which each knows how and when to make of their own comfort — and, above all, that blending of tastes by which at last each learns to adopt some of the other's likings, and, even in prejudices, to become more companionable. To me, the happiness of ray present life is greater than I can describe to you. The peaceful quietude of an existence on which no shocks obtrude is unspeakably delightful. If the weather forbid us to venture abroad, which on fine days we do for hours together, our home resources are numerous. The little cares of a household, amusing as they are, associated with so many little peculiar traits of nationality, help the morning to pass ; after which I draw, or write, or play, or read aloud, mostly German, to the old lady, AVhatevcr my occupa- tion, be it at the easel, the desk, or the pianoforte, her criticisms are always good and just ; for, strange to say, even on subjects of wliich she professes to know nothinjr, there is an instinctive appreciation of the right ; and this would seem to result from an intense study, and deep love of nature. She herself was the first to show me, that this was a charm which the Bible possessed in the most remarkable manner, and, unlike other literature, gave it the most uncommon value in the eyes of the huniijlcst classes, who are from the very accidents of fortune tlic deep students of nature. The language whoso illustra- tions are taken from objects and incidents that every peasant can confirm, has a direct appeal to a hnvly hcirt; and there is a species of flattery to his intelligence in the GREATNESS OF SHAKSPEARB. 335 fact, that iuspiration could not typify more strongly its conception than by analogies open to the lowliest son of labour. After this, she places Shakspeare, whose actual know- ledge is miraculous, and whose immortality is based upon that very fact, since the true will be true to all ages and people ; and, however men's minds may diflTer about the forms of expression, the fact will remain impei-ishable. According to her theory, Shakspeare understood human nature as learned men do an exact science — where certain results must follow certain premises and combinations inevitably and of necessity. How otherwise explain that intimate acquaintance with the habits and modes of thought of classes of which he never made one ? How account for the delineation of kingly feelings by him who scarcely saw the steps of a throne ? " And yet," said Mrs. M., " Louis Philippe himself told me, that Shak- speare's kings were as true as his lovers. His Majesty once amused me much," said she, " by alluding to a passage in ' Hamlet,' which assuredly would never have occurred to me to notice. It is where the King and Queen arc dismissing their attendants from further wait- ing. His Majesty says, ' Thanks, Rosenkrantz, and gentle Guildenstern ; ' on which the Queen adds, 'Thanks, Guildenstern, and gentle Rosenkrantz.' 'Now,' said Louis Philippe, ' one almost should have been a Queen to know that it was needful to balance the seeming prefer- ence of the Royal epithet, by inverting the phrase.' " While I ramble on thus, I may seem to be forgetting the subjects on which more properly I ought to dwell — home and family. Our pursuit of greatness still con- tinues, my dear Miss Cox. We are determined to be fine people ; and, I suppose, after all, that our short-comings and disappointments are not greater than usually fall to the lot of those who aspire to what is beyond or above them. In England the gradations of I'ank are as fixed as the degi-ees of a service; and we, being who and what we are, could no more pretend to something else than could a subaltern pass off for a colonel to his own regiment. Here, however, there is a general scramble for position, and each seems to have the same privilege to call himself 33G THE DODD FAMILY ALKOAD. what ho likes, that lio exercises over (lio mere spell irif*' of his name. I judge tliis to be tlic case iVoiu the anecdotes I have lieard in soeicty about the Count this, and the liarou that. Since papa's absence in the interior of Germany, whither he accompanied ^Irs. Gore Hampton, to visit, I believe, some crowned head of her acquaintance, mamma has pursued a kind of royal ])rogress towards greatness. Our style of living has been most expensive — I might almost call it splendid. We have servants, horses, equip- age—everything-, in f\ict, that appertains to a certain station, but one, and that one thing unfortunately is the grand requisite of all — tlie air that belongs to it. The truth is, ^liss Cox, as tlie old lawyer one day said at dinner to papa, " You prove too much, Mr. Dodd." That is exactly what mamma is doing. She dresses magnifi- cently lor small occasions ; she insists too eagerly upon what she deems her due ; and she is far too exclusive with respect to those who seek her acquaintanceship. Would. you believe it, that though I am permitted to accept the kind hospitality which 1 at this moment enjoy, it is upon the condition tliat neither mamma nor Mary Anne are to " be draj^ged into the mire of low intimacies ;" that Mrs. Morris is to be " Cai-y's friend." Proud am I, indeed, if she will deign to consider me such ! I must acknowledge that mamma's " Wednesdays " collected all that was hiofh and distinfjuished at Baden. We had the old Kurfiirst of something, with a long white moustache, and thirty orders ; an archduchess with a hump-back, and a mediatized prince with one eye. There were generals, marsluils, ministers, envoys, and plenipos without end — "your highness" and " your excellency" were houseliold words round our tea-table. But I often asked myself, "Are not these great folk paying oS' in falsehood the imposition we are practising upon them ? Are they not laughing at the ' Dodds,' and their thousand solecisms in good breeding ? " These would be very un- worthy suspicions of mine if I did not feel convinced they were well founded ; but more than once I have over- heard chance Avords and phrases that have suffused my cheeks with " shame-red," as tlie Germans call it, for an hour after. Ts it not an indignity to accept hospitality BISTEELY PRAISE. 337 and requite it by ridicule ? Is it not base to receive atten- tions, and reiDay them in scorn ? "Whether it is from feeling as I do on the subject or not, I cannot say, but James rarely or never appears at mamma's receptions. He is among what is called " a fast set ;" but I always incline to think that his nature is not corrupted, though doubtless sullied, by the tone of society around us. You ask me about Mary Anne's appearance, and here I can speak without reserve or qualification. She is, indeed, the handsomest girl I ever saw ; tall and well-propor- tioned, and with a carriage and a style about her that might grace a princess. A critic, inclined to severity, might say there was perhaps a slight tendency to haugh- tiness in the expi-ession of the features, especially the mouth ; the head, too, is a little, a very little, too much thrown back ; but somehow these might be defects in another, and yet, in her, they seem to give a peculiar stamp and character to her beauty. All her gestures are grace itself, and her courtesy, save that it is a little too low, perfect. She speaks French and German fluently, and knows the precise title of some hundred acquaint- ances, every one of whom would be distracted if defrauded in the smallest coin of his rank. I need not say how superior all these gifts make her to your humble and unlettered correspondent. Yes, my dear Miss Cox, the French " irregulars " are the same puzzle to me they used to be, and my mind will no more carry me on to the verb at the end of the German sentence than will my feet bear me over fifty miles a day. I am the stupid Caroline of long ago, and what renders the case so hopeless is, with the best of dispositions to do otherwise. I am, however, improved in my painting, particularly in my use of colour. I begin at last to recognize the merits of harmony in tint, and see how Nature herself always contrives to be correct. I hope you will like the little sketch that accompanies this ; the rock in the fore- ground is the spot on which I sit at eveiy sunset. Would that I had you beside me there, to counsel, to guide, and to correct me ! When Captain Morris returns, I shall leave this, as VOL. I. z 338 THE DODD FAMILY ABllOAD. ili-s. !M. will not require my t-ompanionship any longer, nltliough she is alrciidy planning twenty things wo aro to do then. Pray, tlicreforo, write to me, as before, to Baden ; and with my most allectionuto regards to all who may remem- ber me, and my dearest love to yourself. Believe me, yours ever, Caroline Dodd. LETTER XXX. MIF3 MAUY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOIAN, OF BAI.LrDOOLAS. My deadest KiiTY, — It was our names you saw in the Morning Fost ! We are " The Dodd M'Carthys." It was no use deferring the decision for papa's return ; and, as I observed to mamma, circumstances are often stronger than ourselves ; for, in all likelihood, Louis Napoleon would not have declared the Empire so soon if it were not for the " Rouges," or the Orleanists, or the others. Events, in fact, pressed us from behind — go forward we must; and so, like the distinguished authority I have mentioned, we accepted greatness, in the shape of our present desig- nation. We took the great step on Monday evening last, and issued one hundred and thirty-eight cards for our Wednes- day at home, as Madame Dodd M'Carthy. Of course, I conclude the new title was amply discussed and criticized; but, as James remarked, the cotqy d'etat succeeded per- fectly. Ho sent me three different bulletins during the day irom " the Rooms," where he was engaged at play. The first was briefly — " Great excitement, and much curiosity as to the reasons. Causes assigned — vague, various, and contradictory. Strict silence on my part." ASSUMPTION OF A NEW TITLE. 339 Tlie second ran — " Funds rising rapidly — confidence re- stored." The third was — " Victory — opposition cimshed, annihilated — dynasty secure. Send a card at once to the Crown Prince of Dalmatia, at the ' Lion.' He is just come." Mamma's nervous tremors during this eventful day were dreadful. Nothing sustained her but a high consciousness, and some excellent cnra9oa. Every cry in the sti'eet, every chance commotion, the slightest assemblage beneath our ^Yindows — she took for popular demonstrations. You know, my dearest Kitty, we live in really eventful times, and nobody can answer for how the mere populace will receive any attempts to recover ancient feudal privileges. I own to you frankly the attempt was a bold one. We, so to say, stemmed the foamy torrent of Democracy at its highest flood ; but the moment was also propitious. Now or never was the time for nobility to raise its head again ; and tee, I am proud to say, have given the initiative to astonished Europe. From the hour that we took the great step, Kitty, I felt my heart rise with the occasion. My spirit seemed to say, " Swell to the magnitude of those grand proportions around you ;" and I really felt myself, as it were, disenthi-alled from the narrow limits of a mere Dodd, and expanding to the wide realms of a M'Carthy ! If you only knew the sufferings and heart-barnings that plebeian appellation has cost us ! The hateful monosyllable seemed to drop down like a shell in the midst of a company; and often has it needed a fortnight's dinners and evening parties, in a new place, to overcome the horrid impression caused by the name of Dodd ! Now, as it stands at present, it serves to give vigour and energy to the name. Dodd M'Carthy is like Gorman CMooi-e, Grogan 0'Dwyer,or any other of the patronymics of ancient Ireland. From the deep interest caused by this decisive step, I was obliged at once to turn to the details of our great reception to be held on the Wednesday following, for it was necessary that in splendour and distinction it should eclipse all that had preceded it. Happily for us, dearest Caroline was absent as well as papa; she had gone to z 2 810 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. spend a week with a tiresome old lady some miles away, and wc were therefore relieved from the annoyance of that vexatious restraint imposed by the mere presence of those whose thoughts and ideas arc never yours. I have already told you that she has taken up a completely mistaken line, and utterly destroyed any natural advantages she pos- sessed. I told her so myself over and over; I reasoned and argued the question deliberately. " I sec," said I, " your tastes are not those of high and fashionable society. You do not feel the instinctive fascination that comes of being admired by the distinguished classes. Your ambitions do not soar to those aristocratic regions whose atmosphere breathes of ro^-alty. Be it so ; there is anotlier path open to you — the sentimental and the romantic. Your hair suits it, your complexion, your figure, your style generally, will easily adapt themselves to the character. If not a part that attracts general admiration, it is one which never fails, in every society, to secure some favourable notice ; and elder sous, educated cither ' at home or in clergymen's families,' are constantly captured by its fascina- tion." This, I must remark to you, Kitty, is perfectly true, and it is of great consequence frequently to have a woman that suits shy men, and saves them the much- dreaded exhibition of themselves by talking aloud. I told her all this, and I even condescended to use arguments derived from her own narrow views of life, by showing that it is a style requiring little expense in the way of dress ; ringlets and a white muslin "peignoir" of a morning, a broad-leaved straw hat for the promenade, something, in short, of the very simplest kind, and no ornaments. No ! my dearest Kitty, it was of no use ! She is one of those self-opinionated girls that reason never appeals to. She coolly replied to me, that all this would be unreal and unnatural — "a mere piece of acting," as she said, and consequently unworthy of her, and unbecoming. I repeat the very words of her reply, to show you the great benefits she has derived from foreign travel ! Why, dearest Kitty, nobody is real — nobody pretends to be real abroad ; if they were to do so, they'd be shunned like wild beasts. What is it, I ask, that constitutes the vei'y essence of high breed- ing ? Conventional usages, forma of expression, courtesies, MISS DODD'8 ADMIREXiS. 341 attentions, flatteries, and observances — all stimulated, all put on, to plea.se and captivate. Reject this theory, and instead of society, you have a mob ; instead of a salon, you have a wild beast " menagerie." Caroline says she is Irish ; she might as well say she was Cochin-Chinese. Nobody can recognize any trait in that nationality but its uniform " savagery," for I must tell you, Kitty, that Ireland itself — though politically deplored, pitied, and wept over, abroad — is encumbered by geographical doubts and difficulties like the North- West Passage. Many suppose it to be a town in the West of England ; others fancy it a barren tract along the coast ; and a few, whose sympathies are more acute for suffering nations, fancy it to be a species of penal settlement in an unknown latitude. If Caroline even developed the character — if she had, as the French say, cn'e le role of an Irish girl, what with eccentricities of dress, manner, and Moore's melodies, something might be made of it. It admits of all those extravagances that are occasionally admired, and any amount of liberty with the male sex. Cary's reading of the part was very different ; it was neither poetic nor pictorial ; in fact, it was a mere vulgar piece of common- place devotion to home and its tiresome associations, and a clinging attachment to whatever recalled memories of our former obscurity — these "national traits " being eked out with a most insolent contempt for the foreigner, and a compassionate sorrow for the patience with which loe endured him. Pardon me, my dearest friend, if I weary you with this unpleasant theme, but I wish to satisfy your mind, that if my sisterly affection be strong, it still does not tyrannize over my reason, and that increased powers of judgment, if they elevate the understanding, are frequently exercised at the cost of our tenderest feelings. To come back to the point whence I started, '• our Wednesday " — and this, by the way, enables me to answer some of the questions in your last. You ask about my admirers ; you shall have the catalogue as lately revised and corrected, though I scarcely flatter myself that the names will admit of vocal repetition. First, then, there is the Neapolitan Prince Sierra d'Aquila Nero, whom I 842 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. iih'cacly mcutioned to you in one of my letters from Brussels. In my then innocence of the Continent I thought him charming, so imiiasKioncd, so poetical, and so perfumed. Now, Kitty, I iind him an iutolorablo old bore; he is upwards of seventy, but so painted, patched, and plastered, as to pass oirpanoraniically for fivc-and-forty. lie allects all the habits and even the vices uf young men. Ho keeps saddle-horses that he dare not ride, and hires a " chasse," though ho never fuvs a gun ; and lastly, issues from his hairdresser's shop at intervals with a wig of shortened proportions, coolly alleging that he has just had his hair cut! AVhen he drives out of an evening the whole Alleo recks of " Bergamot," and the flutter of his handkerchief is a tornado in the Spice Islands. Need I say that Jiis chance is at zero ? Count Rastuchewitsky, a Russian Pole, comes next — at least in order of seniority ; a short, stern-looking man, of about fifty, with a snow- white beard and moustache, with abrupt manners, and an unpleasant voice. I believe that he only pays me any attention because he sees the prince do so, for he hates all Italians, and tries to thwart them in everything. The count's great claim to distinction rests upon his fiither, or mother, I forget which, having helped to assassinate the Emperor Paul — a piece of chivalry that ho dwells on unceasingly. The Chevalier de Courcelles makes " No. Three," and thirty years ago he might have been very pi'csentable, but be belongs to a school even older than his time. He is of the Richelieu order, and seems to be always in a terrible fright about the eScct of his own powers of fascination : his constant effort being to show you that he really is not fond of making victims. There is a German Graf von Herrenshausen, a large, yellow-bearded, blear-eyed monster, with a frogged coat and a huge pipe stick projecting from the hind pocket, who kisses my hand whenever we meet, and leers at nie from the whist- table — for, happily, he is past dancing — like a Ghoul in an Eastern tale. There area va-st number of others, one or two of whom I reserve for favourable mention hereafter ; but these arc tlic true "pretcndants,"' of which number, I believe, I might select the one which pleases me best. "home PRODUCTIONa." 8-13 Amongst "home productions," as you term them, I may mention the Honourable Sackville Cavendish — a thin, pale, white-eyebrowed babe of diplomac}^ that smallest of Foreign Office infants yclept an " unpaid attache." He has just emerged from the " nursery " at Downing Street, and is really not strong enough to go alone. I have supported him in an occasional polka, and " hustled him," as James called it, through a waltz, and have in turn received the meed of his admiration as expressed in the most lacklustre eyes that ever glittered out of a doll's head ; and, lastly, there is Mister Milo Blake O'Dwyer, who formerly — O'Connell rognante — represented the town of Tralee in Parliament, and who now, with altered fortunes, performs the duty of Foreign . Correspondent to that great newspaper, " The Sledge Hammer of Freedom." Perhaps I'm not strictly correct in enrolling him amongst the number of my worshippers ; with more rigid justice, I believe he belongs to mamma ; at least he's in constant attendance upon her, and continually assures me, with upturned eyes and a smack of the lip, that she is a " gorgeous woman," and " wonderfully pre- served ! " This worthy individual is really a curiosity; since being in manner, exterior, knowledge, and fortune totally deficient of all those aids which achieve success in society, he has actually contrived, by the bare force of impudence, to move with, and be received by, persons in the very first ranks. Foreigners, I must tell you, Kitty, conceive the most ridiculous notions of England ; one of the most popular of which is, that more than one- half of our government is carried on by newspaper writing, the minister contributing his sentiments, one day, some individual of the public replying, the next. Now, the illustrious Milo takes every opportunity of propping up this fallacy, while he represents himself as the very bone and sinew of all English opinion on the Continent. To believe him, no foreign prince or potentate cotild raise a sixpence on loan till he subscribes the scheme. How many an appropriation of territory have his Avarn- ings ax"rested ? From what cruelties has he saved the Poles ! What a crisis did his pen achieve in the fortunes JJ-14 TUE DOUD FAMILY AI3I!0AD. of llunc^ary ! Aud tlicn the bushels of diamond snufT- boxcs that ho has thrown from liini with disgust, tlio "heaps of orders that he has rejected with proud sconi ! " As ho says himself, " Haven't 1 more power than them all ? "When I send off my article to the SleJ(/c, don't I sec them tremblinpj and shaking for what's coming? A}-, says I to myself, haughty enough you look to-day, but won't I expose your Majesty, won't I lay bare the cruelties of your prisons and the infamy of your spies ! And your Eminence, too, how silky you arc ; but I know you well, and I've a copy of the last rescript you sent over to Ireland ! Don't be afraid, my little darling ; never mind the puppies that hissed you at Parma, I'll make your fortune in London. A word from mo to Lumley, and it's as good as five thousand pounds in the bank ! " It I'eally gives me a great notion of the glut of genius tliat we possess in England, when you see a man whose qualifications are great in war and peace ; whoso know- ledge ranges over the world of politics, religion, literature, fine arts, and the drama ; who knows mankind to per- fection, and understands statecraft to a miracle, witli no higher nor prouder position than that of writing for tho Slethje. It is but fair to own that he has been of great service to us here. The hardest thing to find in the world is some person of pushing habits and impudent address, who will speak of you at all times and in all companies, doing for you, socially, what, in the world of trade, is accomplished by huge advertisements and red- lettered placards. Now, one really cannot stick up on the walls great announcements of " unrivalled attraction," the " positively last night but one " of Mrs. Dodd's great soirees, and so on, but you can come pretty nigh the same result by a little tact and management. A few insigni- ficant commissions about camellias, a change of arrange- ment about the fiddles, entrusted to him, and Milo was prepared to go forth, trumpet in hand, for us, from day to dark. Woo to the luckless wight that hadn't got a card for our " Evening ! " the obligation ^Milo would place him under was a bond debt for life. Tiien he contrived to know everybody, and though he made sad hash of their names, they only smiled at his blunders. INCONVENIENT REMINISCENCES. 345 I have heard that a great English minister one day confessed that the only exaction of office he never could thoroiighly reconcile himself to, was the nature of those persons he was occasionally obliged to employ as subordi- nates. I suppose that, without being leader of a cabinet, everybody must have experienced something or other of this kind in life. I think I hear you ask, "Where is the Eitter von Wolfenshafer all this time ? "What has become of him ? " you say. Ton really are very tiresome, dearest Kitty, with your little poisonous allusions to " old loves," former attachments, and so on. As to the Ritter, however, I heard from him yesterday ; he cannot, it seems, come to Baden ; his father is not on terms with the Grand-Duke, and he strictly charges me not to mention their names to any one. His letter repeats the invitation to us all to spend some weeks at the " Schloss "• — an arrangement which might, very possibly, suit our plans well, since, when the season ends here, it is still too early to go into winter quarters ; and one is sorely puzzled what to do with the late autumn, which is as wearisome as the time one passes in the drawing-room before dinner. Of course we must await pa's return, to reply to this invitation ; and I incline to say we shall accept it. Why will you be so silly as to remind me of the follies of my childhood ? Are there no naughtinesses of the nursery you can rake up to record ? You know as well, if not better than myself, that the attentions you allude to could never have been seriously meant ! nor could Dr. B. believe them such, if not totally deficient in those qualities of good sense and judgment for which I always have given him credit. I will not say that, in the artless gaiety of infancy, I have not amused myself with the mock devotion he proffered ; but you might as well reproach me with fickleness for not taking a child's interest any longer in the nursery games that once delighted me, as for not sustaining my share in this absurd illusion ! I plainly perceive one thing, Kitty — the gentleman in question has very little pride ; but even that, in your eyes, may be an excellence, for you have discovered innumer- able merits in his character under circumstances which, I 816 TEE DODD FAMILY ABROAD, am constrained to own, have failed to impress mo with a suitable degree of interest. The subject is so very un- pleasant, however, that I must beg it may never bo reopened between us ; and if you really feel for liirn so acutely as you say, I can only suggest that you should hit upon Rome plan of consolation perfectly independent of any aid from your attached friend, Maky Anne. LETTER XXXI. MART ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OP BALLTDOOLAH. My dearest Kitty, — Another delay, and more " last words ! " I had thought that my poor epistle was already miles on the way towards you, wafted by the sighs of my heaving heart, but I now discover that Mr. Cavendish will not send off his bag to the Foreign Oflfice before Saturday, as the Grand-l)ukc wants to send over some guinea-pigs to the royal children, so that I shall detain this till that day, and perhaps be able to tell you of a great " pic-nic " we ai-e planning to the Castle of Eber- stein for Thursday next. It is one of the things every- body does here, and of course we must not omit it. James talks of the expense as terrific, which really comes with an ill grace from one who wagers fifty, or even sixty, Napoleons on a card! Besides, a " pic-nic " is an asso- ciation, and the whole cost cannot fall to the share of an individual. The Great Milo begs that we will leave everything to him, and I feel assured that it is the wisest course we can adopt, not to speak of the advantage of seeing the whole festivity glowingly described in the columns of tlie Sledge. The Princess SlobofTsky has just driven to the door, so I must conclude for the present. I come back to say that the pic-nic is fixed for Thursday, the number to be, by .special request of the princess, limited to forty — the list to be made out this evening. A START UNDER DIFFICULTIES. 347 " Mammas " to go in open carriages- — young ladies liorse- back or ass-back — men indiscriminately ; no more at present decided on. I am wild with delight at the plea- sure before us. Would you were one of us, dearest Kitty ! Thursday Morning. Oh, Kitty, what a day ! It might be December in London. The rain is swooping down the mountain sides, and the wind howling fearfully. It is now seven o'clock, and my maid, Augustine, has called me to get up and dress. Mamma has had two notes already, which, being in French, she is waiting for me to read and reply to. I'll hasten to see what they mean. One of the " billets " is from the Duchesse de Sargance, merely asking the question, " Que faire?" The other is from the Princess SlobofFsky, Avho, in consideration "for all the trouble mamma has been put to," deems it better to go at all events, and that we can dine at the Grand- Ducal Schloss, instead of on the grass. This reads omin- ously in one sense, Kitty, and seems to imply that ive are giving the entertainment ourselves ; but I must keep this suspicion to myself, or we should have a terrible exposure. When an evil becomes inevitable, patient submission is the true philosophy. Ten o'clock. What an animated, I might almost call it a stormy, debate we have just had in the drawing-room. The as- sembled lieges have been all discussing the proposed excursion ; if that can be called discussion, where every- body screamed out his own opinion, and nobody listened to his neighbour. The two parties for and against going divided themselves into the two sexes — the men, being for staying where we are, the ladies as clamorously declar- ing for the road. Of course the " Ayes " had it, and we are now putting the whole house in requisition for cloaks, mantles, and macintoshes. The half-dozen men for whom no place can be made in coach or " caleche " are furious at having to ride. I half suspect that some attachments, whose fidelity has hitherto defied time and years, will yield, to-day, before the influence of mere water. The 848 Tiu: UODD 1''a.mil,v ajji;oad. truth is, Kitty, foreigners dread it in every sbapc. They mix !i Httlo of it, now and tlion, with their wine, and tliey rather like to see it in fountains and "jets d'eau," but tlierc ends all the acquaintance they over desire to maintain with the pure clement. I must confess tiiat the aspect of the "outsiders" ia suggestive of anything ratlier than amusement. They stand to be muilled and waterproofed like men who, hav- ing resigned themselves to an inevitable fate, have lost all interest in the preliniinaries that conduct to it. They are, as it were, bound for the scafl'old, and they have no care for the shape of the "hurdle" that is to draw them thither. The others, who have secured inside places, are overwhtlmingly civil, and profuse in all the little attentions that cost nothing, nor exact any sacrifice. I have seen no small share of national character this morn- ing, and if I had time could let you into some secrets about it. The arrangement of the company, that is, who is to go with whom, is our next diiliculty. There are such intri- cacies of family histoiy, such subtle questions of propriety to be solved, we'd not get away under a year were wo to enter upon half of them. As a general rule, however, ladies ought not to be packed up in the same coach with the husbands from whom they have been for years separated, nor people witli deadly feuds between them to be placed vis-a-vis. As to the attractive principles, the coliesionary elements, Kitty, are more puzzling still, since none but the parties themselves know where the minds arc simulated and whei'e real. j\Iilo has taken a gx'cat part of this arrangement upon his own hands, and from what I can see, with his accus- tomed want of success in all matters of tact and delicacy. Of this, however, he is most beautifully unconscious, and goes about in the midst of muttered execrations with the implicit belief of being a benefactor of the human race. I wish you could see the self-satistied chuckle of his greasy laugh, or could hear his mumbled " ^laybe I don't know Avhat ye'r after, my old lady. Haven't I put the little count with the green spectacles next you ; don't I under- stand the cross looks ye'r giving me ? Ah, uiademoisclle, SADDLED WITH THE COST. 849 never feai' me, I have iu my eye for you — a wink ia enougli for Milo Blake any day. Yes, my darling, I'm looking for him this minute." These and such-like mut- terings will show you the spirit of his ministering, and when I repeat that he makes nothing but blunders, you may picture to yourself the man. He has appointed himself on mamma's staff", and as I go with the princess and the Count Boldourouki, I shall see no more of him for a while. It is quite clear, Kitty, that we are the entertainers, though how it came to be so, I cannot even guess. Some blunder, I suspect, of this detestable Milo : and Jamea will do nothing whatever. He is still in bed, and, to all my entreaties to get up, merely says that he'll be with us at dinner. The hampers of proggery will fill two carriages, and a charette with the champagne in ice is already sent forward. Three cooks — for such, I am told, are three gentlemen in black coats and white neckcloths — are to accompany us ; and the whole preparations are evidently got up in the " very first style," and " totally regardless of expense." Twelve o'clock. Another dilemma. There is only one "bus" in the town ; and as none of the band will sit outside in this terrible weather, what is to be done ? Milo proposes billet- ing them, singly, here and there, through the carriages; but the bare mention has excited a rebellion amongst the equestrians, who will not consent to be treated worse than the fiddlers ! The Commissary of Police has just sent to know if we have obtained a ministerial permission to assemble in vast numbers and for objects unnamed." I have got one of the German nobles to settle this difficulty, which, in Milo's hands — if he only heard of it— might become formidable. Happily, he is now engaged " telling off"' the band, and selecting from the number such as we can find room to accommodate. The permission has been accorded, the carriages are drawing up, the guests are taking their seats, we are ready — we are off". 850 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. Saturday Morning. Dkarest Kittv, — Mv. Cavendish lias just scat mc word that tho courier will .start iu half an hour, so that I have only time for a few lines. Ulooraily as tho day broke yesterday, its scttinf* at evenint^ was infinitely sadder, and more sorrowful. Never did a prospect of pleasure provo more delusive ; never did a scene of enjoyment terminate moi'e miserably. Tears of anguish, of passion, and of shame, blot my ■words as I write them. You must not ask mc to describe the course of events, when my mind has but room for tho sad catastrophe that closed them ; but in a few brief lines I will endeavour to convey to yoa what occurred. Our journey to Eberstein, from being all up hill and over roads terribly cut up by the weather, was a slow process. The procession, some of the riders remarked, had a most funereal look, winding along up the zig-zags of the mountain, and on a day which assuredly suggested few thoughts of pleasure. I can only answer for my own companions ; but they, I am bound to say, were in tho very worst of tempers the whole way, discussing the whole plot of tho excui'sion with — considering mamma's share in it — a far greater degree of candour than politeness. They ridiculed pic-nics in general; pronounced them vulgai', tiresome, and usually " failures." They insinuated that they were tho resources of people who felt more at ease in the semi-civilized scramble of a country party than amid the more correct courtesies of daily life ! As to the " diner sur I'herbe " itself, it was a shocking travestie of a real dinner. Spiders and cockroaches settled iu your soup, black beetles bathed in your champagne, wasps con- tested your fruit with you, and you were lucky if you did not carry back a scorpion or a snake in your pocket. Then the company carae in for its share of comment. So many people crept in that nobody knew, nobody acknowledged, and apparently nobody had invited. You always, they said, found that all your objectionable acquaintances dated from these parties. Lastly, they were excursions which no weather suited, no toilet became ! If it were hot, tho sufferings of sun-scorching and mosquitoes were iusuflfer- able. If it proved bad and rainy, they were in the sad CRITICISMS OP THE DISCONTENTEO. 851 situation of that very moment ! As to dress, who could fix upon a costume to be becoming in the morning, grace- ful in the afternoon, and fresh and radiant at night ? In a word, Kitty, they said so much, and so forcibly, that nothing but great consti'aint upon my feelings saved me from asking, " Why, in Heaven's name, could they have consented to come upon an excursion, every detail of which was a sorrow, and every step a suffering? " No other theme, however, divided attention with this calamitous one ; and as we toiled languidly up the moun- tain side, you can fancy with what pleasant feelings the way was beguiled. At last we reached the castle ; but fresh disappointment here awaited us. Although parties wei^e admitted to see the Schloss and the grounds, they could not obtain leave to dine anywhere within the precincts. We begged hard for a room in the porter's lodge, the laundry, the stable, even the hayloft ! but all without success. We at length capitulated for a moss-house, where the rain came filtering down through a network of foliage and birds'-nests ; but even this was refused. What was to be done ? The army was now little short of mutiny ; a violent debate was carried on from carriage windows ; and strong partisans of particular opinions went slopping about, with tucked- up trousers and huge umbrellas, trying to enforce their own views ! Some were for an equitable distribution of the eatables on the spot. "Food commissaries," as the Germans expressed it, being chosen, to allot the victuals to each coach ; some were for a forcible entry into the castle, and an occupation by dint of arms ; others voted for a return to Baden ; and lastly, a small section, which gradually grew in power and persuasiveness, suggested that, by descending the opposite side of the mountain, we should reach a little inn in the Moorg Thai, much fre- quented by fishermen, and where we were sure to find shelter at least, if not something more. The " Anglers' Rest " was now adopted as our goal ; and thither we started,' with some slight tinge of renewed hope and pleasure. Our journey dotvn was nearly as slow as that np the mountain ; for the steep descent required the greatest caution, with heavily-laden and jaded horses. It was, 352 THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. therefore, already dark wlien wc reached . One of tlio worst features of this unlucky occnrrenco was, tlmt it happened at liadcn. Baden is, so to say, ono of those great bunking-hou.sps at wliich a note is Bure to be jji'csented at some j)eriod or other of its circuhition, and here wo were now — declared a " forgery," pronounced " not negotiable." Tliese were the bitter thoughts which each of us had now to revolve in secret, tormenting our several ingenui- ties to find a remedy for the evil. The governor was apparently the first of us to rally, for ho turned round at last to the table, cleared a small spot for his operations at a corner, helped himself to some of a gamo pie, and began to eat like one who had not relished such delicacies for some time back. " Alay I give you a glass of champagne, sir? " said I, seeing that he was " going in " with an air of determina- tion. " With all my heart," responded he ; " but I think you might as well open a fresh bottle." I did so, Bob, and followed it by another, of which I partook also. " There are some excellent fellows out there in the kitchen," said the governor. " There is a little lame tailor from Anspach, and an ivory-turner from the town of Lindau, botli as agreeable companions as ever I journeyed with. Take them out that pie, James, and let the waiter fetch them half a dozen bottles of this red wine. Pay Jacob — he's the tailor — four florins that I borrowed from him ; and beg of Herman, a little Jewish rogue, with an Astracan cap, to keep my tobacco-bag, out of remembrance of me. Tell the assembled company that I'll see them all by-and-by, for, at present, I have some family alfairs to look after. Be civil and courteous, with them, James, they all have been so to me ; and if you'll sit down at the table for half an hour, and converse with them, take my word for it, boy, you'll not rise to go away without being both wiser and humbler." I set about my mission with a willing heart. I was glad to do anything which should give the governor even a momentary satisfaction; and I was well pleased, also, to mark the calm, dispassionate tone of his language. The " Lehr-Ju"geu" received me with a most respect- AN EVENING WITH LEHR-JUNGEN. 3G3 ful courtesy, in which, however, there was not the very sh"ghtest taint of subserviency or meanness. They showed me that they really felt kindly, and even affectionately, towards my father, who had been their companion for the last nine days on foot. They enjoyed in a high degree the dry humour which he possesses, and they relished his remarks on the country, and the people, through which they travelled, savouring as they did of a caustic shrewd- ness perfectly new to them. In fact, I soon saw that his frank temperament, enriched by that native quaintness every Irishman has his shai-e of, had made him a prime favourite with them, and they were equally disposed to be flattered by his acquaintanceship as attached to himself. I sat with them till past midnight. Indeed, when I heard that our family had ordered bedrooms and retired for the night, I was not sorry to dissipate my cares, even in much humbler society than I had left home to foregather with. It is not necessary I should make any confession to you of my unlettered ignorance, nor own how deplorably defi- cient I am in every branch of knowledge or acquirement. I was a stupid schoolboy, and an idle one, and the result is not very diSicult to imagine ; and yet, with all these disadvantages, I have a lazy man's craving for informa- tion, if I only could obtain it easily. I'd like to be cui-ed, if the doctor would only make the physic palatable. Now, will you believe me, Bob, when I say, that these poor travelling tradesfolk, patched and threadbare as they were, talked upon subjects of a very high character, and discussed them too, with a shrewdness and propriety per- fectly astonishing. I had been living in Germany for some six or eight months, and yet now, for the first time, did I hear mention made of the popular literature of the day — who were the writers most in vogue, and what modifications p.iblic taste was undergoing, and how the mystical and the imaginative were giving way before a practical common-sense and common-place spirit more adapted to the exigencies of our age. This, I must observe, they entirely ascribed to the influence of England, which they described as being paramount on the Con- tinent since the peace. Not alone that the vast hordes of SlU THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. our nation flooded every land of Europe, but that our mechanical arts, our inventions, and our literature, per- vaded every nook and crevice of the Continent. As the tailor said, " It is not alone that we confoi-m to your notions in dress, and endeavour to make our coats loose and square-skirted, to look English, but there is an Anglomania in all things, even where we will not confess it. Our novelists, too, have followed the fashion, and instead of those dreamy conceptions, where the possible and impossible were always in conllict, we have now domestic stories, ay, even before wo have domesticity it- self." I do 7iot quote my friend Jacob for anything remarkable in the sentiment itself, though I believe it to be just and true, but to show the general tone of a conversation maintained for hours by a set of poor artisans, not one of whom would not be well contented could he earn a shilling a day. Perhaps yo\i will ask me, if, in their several trades, these fellows were the equals of our own? In all prob- ability they were not. The likelihood is, they were greatly inferior, as in every detail of the useful and the practical Ciermany is far behind us ; but it is strange to speculate on what such a people may, or might, become, if their institutions should ever conform to the development of their natural intelligence. Tiiis again is the tailor's remark — and I could " cabbage " from him for hours together, I thought a hundred times of you, Bob. How i/ou would have enjoyed this strange fraternity. "What amusement — not to say something better and higher — you would have abstracted from them. What traits of native humour — what studies of character! As for me, much, by far the greater part, was lost upon me for want of previous knowledge of the subjects they discussed. Of the kingdoms whose politics they canvassed I .scarcely knew the names ; of the books, I had not even heard the titles ! I have no doubt many of their opinions were incorrect ; much of what they uttered might have been illogical or inaccurate ; but making a wide allowance for this, I was struck by the general acuteness of their NOTORIETY OP " THE DODDS." 865 remarks, and tlie tone of moderation and foi^bcarance that characterized all they said. This brief intercourse has at least taught me one thing — which is not to look down with any depreciating pity on the troops of these wayfarers we pass on the road, still less to ridicule their absurd appearance, or make a jest of their varied costume. I now know that amidst those motley figures are men of shrewd intelligence and culti- vated minds, content to follow the very humblest callings, and quite satisfied if their share of this world's good things never rises higher than black bread and a cup of sour wine. I should like greatly to see something more of the gipsy life they lead, and if ever the opportunity offer, shall certainly not suffer it to escape me. We left the inn of the ]\Ioorg Thai at daybreak, my mother and Mary Anne in one carriage, the governor and myself in a little open caleche. He spoke little, and seemed deep in thought all the way. From an occasional expression he dropped, I dreaded to surmise that he had resolved on returning to Ireland. One remark which he made of more than ordinary bitterness was, " If we go on as we are doing, we shall at length close every town of Europe against us. We left Brussels in shame, and now we quit Baden in disgrace : the sooner this ends the better." We did not proceed the whole way to Baden, but stopped about a mile from it, at a village called Licliten- thal, where we found a comfortable inn, with moderate charges. From this I was despatched to our hotel, after nightfall, to arrange our aff"airs, settle our bill, fetch away our baggage, and make all necessary arrangements for departure. I am free to own that I entered on my mission with no common sense of shame. I knew, of course, how our story had by this time become the table-talk of Baden, and how, from the prince to the courier, "the Dodds " were the only topic. Such notoriety as this is no boon, and I confess. Bob, that I believe I could have submitted my hand to the knife with less shrinking of the spirit than I raised it to pull the door-bell of the Hotel de Kussie. 8G6 THE DODD FAMILY AliROAD. "Whou a man has to encounter an anticipated humilia- tion, ho usually ])uts on an extra amount of ollcnsivo armour. I supjiose mine, on tliis occasion, must have been of unquestionable strength. None seemed willing to put it to the proof. The host was humble — the waiters cringing — the very ])ortcr fawned on me ! The secretary — at your flash hotels abroad they always have a secretary, usually a Pole, who has an immense estate under seques- tration somewhere — this dread functionary, who, in pre- senting you the bill, ever gives you to understand that ho is quite prepared to aflbrd you personal satisfaction for any item in the score — even he, I say, was bland, courteous, and gentle. I little knew at the moment to what circum- stance I owed all this unexpected politeness, and that this silky courtesy was a very diiferent testimony from what I suspected ; it being neither more nor less than the joyful astonishment of the household at seeing one of us again, and an amazement, rising to enthusiastic delight, at the bare possibility of our paying our bill ! Already in their estimation the " Dodd tamily" had been pronounced swindlers, and various speculations were abroad as to the value of the several trunks, imperials, and valises we had left behind us. My mother, in her abject misery — you may imagine the amount of it from the circumstance — had given me her bank-book, with full liberty to deal with the balance in her favour. In fact, such was her dread of encountering one of her former acquaintances, that I verily believe she would have agreed to an exile to Siberia rather than pass one more week at Baden. Our bill was a swingeing one. "With all the extei'nal show of politeness, I plainly saw that they treated us just as Napoleon used to treat a con- quered nation whose imputed misconduct had outlawed it ! For us there was no appeal ; ice could not threaten the indignation of powerful friends — the terrors of fashion- able exposure — not even the hackneyed expedient of a letter in the Times ! Alas ! we had ceased to be " reason- able and suflicient bail" for any statement. Such charges never were seen before, I'd swear. Dinners and suppers figured as unimportant matters. It was the •' extraordiuarics " that ruined us ; fur your hotel-keeper BILL-SETTLING AT BADEN. 367 is obliged, for very shame's sake, to observe a semblanco of decorum in his demands for recognized items. It is in the indefinable that he revels; just as your geographer indulges every caprice of his imagination when laying down the limits of land and water at the Polo ! It would not amuse, nor could it instruct you, were I to give the details of this iniquitous demand. I shall there- fore spare you all, save the grand fact of the total, wherein something less than six weeks' living of four people, with as many servants, amounts to a fraction under three hundred pounds sterling ! Meanwhile, the price of rooms, breakfasts, beds, &c., were all reasonable enough. It was " Eclairage," " Service," "Eeceptions, Mardi," "Mercredi," and " Jeudi." These were the heavy artillery, to which all the rest was a light-dropping fire. This bill-settling is indeed an awful process; for when you rally from the first horror-stricken feelings that the sum total calls up, and aro blandly asked by the smirking secretary, " To what is it that Monsieur objects ? " you are totally powerless and prostrated. Your natural impulse would be to say, " To the whole of it — to that infamous row of figures at tho bottom ! " In all probability, you never made an hotel bill in your life. The wretches know this, and they feel the full force of your unhappy situation. Just fancy a surgeon saying, " What particular part of the operation do you dislike, sir ? It can't be the first incision; I made it in Cooper's method — one sweep of the knife. You surely have no complaint about the arteries — I took them up in eighteen seconds by a stop watch." " What do I care for all this ? "you answer. " I know nothing about science, but I am fully ojDen to the impression of pain." Nothing, however, kills me like the fellow saying, " If Monsieur thinks the lemonade too dear, we'll take off half a franc." Two-and-sixpence deducted from a bill of three hundred pounds ! I went through all this, and more. I went through special appeal cases, from twenty subordinates, on peculiar infractions of broken heads, smashed crockery, and damaged furniture, which each assured me in turn " would be charged a^^ainst liim," if Monsieur had not the "honoui"- able consideration " — that's the formula — to pay it. I 8G3 THE DODD r.uni.v m r.\-n. satisfied Ronio, I compromised with others ; I resisted none. No, Bob. Tlioro was no "locus standi," as you would call it, lor opposition. None of the Dodds could come into court, and claim to be beard as witnesses. This agreeable function concluded, I drove olf to the Police Commissary about our passport. The " authorities" had finished the duties of the day. The bureau was closed. I asked where the " authorities " lived, and was told the street and the number. I went there, but the "authorities" were at their " cafe." They liked "their dominoes and their beer ;" and why should they not have their weaknesses ! I hastened to the cafe ; not one of those brilliantly decorated and lighted establishments where foreigners of all nations foregather, but a dim-looking, musty, sanded- floored, smoke-dried den, filled with a company to suit. There was that mysterious half light, and that low whis- pering sound which seemed to form a fit atmosphere f')V spies and eavesdroppers, of which 1 need scarcely tell you government officials are composed. By the guidance of the waiter, I reached the table where the Herr von Schureke was seated at his dominoes. He Avas a beetle-browed, scowling, ill-conditioned-looking gent of about fifty, who had a trick of coughing a hard dry cough between every word he uttered. " Ah," said he, after I explained the object of my visit, *• you want your passport. You wish to leave Baden, and you come here, to give yoi!.r orders to the Polizey Beamten as if you were the Grand-Duke ! " I deprecated this intention in my politest German ; but he went on. " Es geht nicht"— literally, " It's no go " — " my worthy friend. We are not the olHcials of J'Jngland. AVe arc IJadeners. We are the functionaries of an independent sovereign. You can't bully us here, with your line-of- battle ships, your frigates, and bomb-boats." " No. Gott bewahr ! " echoed the company ; " that will do elsewhere — but Baden is free ! " The enthusiasm the sentiment evoked brought all the guests from the several tables to swarm around us. 1 assured the meeting that Cobdeu and Co. were not ENGLAND IN FOREIGN ESTIMATION. SG9 more pacifically minded than I was ; that as to anything like threat, menace, or insolence towards the Gran(?,» Duchy, it never came within thousands of miles of m^^ thoughts ; that I came to make the civilest of requests, in the very humblest of manner ; and if by ill-luck the distinguished functionary I had the honour to ad- dress should not deem either the time opportune, or the place suitable '* You'll make it an affair for your House of Commons," broke he in. " Or 3'-our Tl-mes newspaper ! " cried another, converting the title of the Thunderer, into a strange dissyllable. " Or your Secretary of State will tell us that you are a ' Civis Romanus,' " wheezed out a small man, that I heard was Archivist of something, somewhere. " Bi'itannia rule de waves, bat do not rule de Grand Duchy," muttered a fourth, in English, to show that he was thoroughly imbued, not alone with our language, but the spirit of our Constitution. " Eeally, gentlemen," said I, " I am quite at a loss for any reason for this audible outburst of nationality. I disclaim the very remotest idea of offending Baden, or anything belonging to it. I entertain no intention of con- verting my case into a question of international dispute. I simply wait my passport, and free permission to leave the Grand-Duchy and all belonging to it." This declaration was unanimous y pronounced insolent, offensive, and insulting ; and a vast number of unpleasant remai^ks poured down upon England and Englishmen, which, I need not tell you, are not worth repetition. The end of all was, that I lost temper too — the wonder is how 1 kept it so long — and ventured to hint that people of my country had sometimes the pi'actice of righting themselves, when wronged, instead of tormenting their Government or pestering the Times newspaper ; and that if they had any curiosity as to the Iwio, I should be most happy to favour any one with the information that would follow me into the street. There was a perfect Babel of angry vociferation as I said this ; the meaning of which I might guess, though the words were unintelligible ; and, as I issued forth into the VOL. I. B B 870 THE DODD FAMILY AUllOAD. Btrcct, expressions of angry indignation find insult wero actually showered upon mo. I readied Lichtentlial late at night ; the governor was in bed, and I hastened to " report myself" to him. This done, I sat down to give you this full narration of onr doings; and only regret that I must conclude without telling you anything of our future plans, of -which I know actually nothing. I should liave spared you the uninteresting scene with the authorities, if you liad not asked mc, in your last, " Whether the respect felt towards England hy every foreign nation did not invest the travelling Englishman with many privileges and im- munities unknown to others?" 1 have heard that such was once the case. I believe, indeed, there was a time that any absurdity or excess of John Bull would have been set down as mere eccentricity — a dash of that folly ascrib- able to our insular tastes and habits ; but this is all changed now ! Partly from our own conduct ; in part from real, and sometimes merely imputed, acts of our rulers ; and partly from the tone of our Press, which no foreigner can ever be brought to understand aright, we have got to be thought a set of spendthrift, wealthy, reckless misers, lavish and economical by turns, socially proud and ex- clusive, but politically red republican and levelling — tyrants in our families, and democrats in the world ; in fact, a sort of living mass of contradictory qualities, not ren- dered more endurable by coarse tastes and rude manners ! This, at least, Morris told me, and he is a shrewd observer, like many of those sleepy-eyed, quiet "coves" one meets with. Not that he reads individuals like Tiverton ! No ; George is unequalled in ready dissection of a man's motives, and will detect a dodge before another begins to suspect it. I wish he were back; I feel frequently so helpless without his counsel and advice. The turf is, surely, a wonderful school for sharpening a man's faculties, and it gives you the habit of connecting words with motives, and asking yourself, " What does So-and-so mean by that ?" " What is he up to now ?" that, at last, you decipher character, let its lines be written in the very faintest ink ! Our post leaves at daybreak, so that I shall just have time for this. When I write next, I'll answer — that is if " WOEKERS' " NEED OF BRAINS. 371 I can — all your questions about myself, wliat I incau to do, and when to begin it. Not, indeed, that they are themes I like to touch upon, for somehow all the quiet pursuits of life look wonderfully slow and tiresome affairs in comparison with the pano- ramic effects of travel. The perpetual change of scene, actors, and incidents, supplies in itself that amount of excitement which, under other circumstances, calls for so much exertion and effort. There is another thing, also, which has always given me great discouragement. It is, that the humbler walks of life require not only an amount of labour, but of actual ability, that are never called for in higher positions. Think of the work a fellow does as a doctor or a lawyer ; and think of the brains, too, he has to bring to these cai'eers, and then picture to yourself a man in a Government situation, some snug colonial gov- ernorship, or something at home — say, he's Secretary-at- War, or has something in the household. He writes his name at the foot of an occasional report or a despatcli, and he puts on his blue ribbon, or his grand cross, as it may be, on birthdays. There's the whole of it ! As Tiverton says, " One needs more blood and bone now-a- days for the hack stakes than the Derby;" he means, of course, in allusion to real life, and not to the turf ! Don't fancy that I take it in ill part any remarks you make upon my idleness, nor its probable consequences. We are old friends, Bob ; but even were we not, I accept them as sincere evidence of true interest and regard, though I may not profit by them as I ought. The Dodds are an imprac- ticable race, and in nothing more so than by fully appre- ciating all their faults, and yet never making an effort for their eradication. Some people are civil enough to say how very Irish this is ; but I think it is only so in half, inasmuch as our per- ceptions are sharp enough to show us even in ourselves those blemishes which your blear-eyed Saxon would never have discovered anywhere. Do you agree with me ? Whether or not, my dear Bob, continue to esteem and believe me ever your affectionate friend, James Dodd. 872 THE DODU FAMILY AlJUOAD. Tlioiif,'li I am totiilly innocent as to our future, it is better nut to write till you hear af,';un from nie, Tor of course wc shall leave this at once ; but, where for? that'a the question. END OP VOL. I. Woodfall & Kinder, rrintcrs, Mllford Lane, Btrand, Loudon, W.C, UNIVERSITY of CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES LIBRARY UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY Los Angeles This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. Form L9-25m-8, '46(9852)444 H'-f. rn 4884 Lever - ^1^ The Dodd famn .r 1870 abroad. delayed Bag PR 4884 1870 v.l i WM H^HHHi f^. E^^Ji^m ^■I^^^IhH^^H hi^ ^ 000 373 318 ^;\'-ri:^ DO X E Y '.*M FPaNGISCO m ^i :'s '« <^ - y>:i r.j; .*:V .:,'.* ■ »: i i ::>/:■; '^f-. •^ iicj :^/A ,