DIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA SAN DIEGO 
 
 822 01130 3989 
 
 DVENTURES 
 of THREE GOOD BOYS 
 
 *J 
 
 HENFCf-A SHUTE
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF 
 
 CALIFORNIA 
 
 SAN DIEGO
 
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 THE MISADVENTURES OF THREE 
 
 GOOD BOYS. Illustrated. 
 A COUNTRY LAWYER. Illustrated. 
 FARMING IT. Illustrated. 
 HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY 
 BOSTON AND NEW YORK
 
 THE MISADVENTURES 
 OF THREE GOOD BOYS
 
 LUXCH TIME
 
 THE 
 
 MISADVENTURES 
 
 OF THREE GOOD 
 
 BOYS 
 
 THAT IS TO SAY, FAIRLY 
 GOOD BOYS 
 
 BY 
 
 HENRY A. SHTJTE 
 
 WITH ILLUSTRATIONS 
 BY SEARS GALLAGHER 
 
 BOSTON AND NEW YORK 
 HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY 
 
 niterjjt&e prcpjj Camfanbgc 
 1914
 
 PREFACE 
 
 THE Author of this book invites the public, or 
 such small percentage of the public as he may be 
 able to reach by this book, to go back with him to 
 the days when the forum for the discussion of all 
 questions of importance was the grocery store; 
 when the family coat-of-arms, the badge of re 
 spectability, the indicia of local eminence w r ere 
 the calfskin boot and the shaved upper lip sur 
 mounting the fan-shaped beard; when the frock 
 coat and the stovepipe hat were the hall-marks 
 of the professional man, as the hickory shirt, at 
 times partly concealed by the false bosom, the 
 paper collar, and the string tie, were of the yeo 
 man; when the grocery store sported the sign, 
 "W. I. Goods and Groceries," and the "W. I. 
 Goods" collectively were legal tender at three 
 cents a glass; when small boys everyday cloth 
 ing were a hickory shirt, one suspender, and 
 trousers consisting of two patches and a hole; 
 when the young man of the period sported the 
 plug hat, the velvet coat, and the gray trousers 
 of the dandy; when the livery stable flourished 
 and the automobile was not; when the ash-
 
 vi PREFACE 
 
 barrel, the grease- tub, and soft soap were house 
 hold necessities; when but why go further? 
 
 " Come back to your mother, ye children, for shame, 
 Who have wandered like truants for riches and fame!" 
 
 HENRY A. SHUTE. 
 
 EXETER, NEW HAMPSHIRE, 
 December 20, 1913.
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 I. THE LAMBASTES 1 
 
 II. PRISONERS OF HOPE 17 
 
 III. THE FAILURE OF THE "BiL POASTERS" COM 
 
 PANY 54 
 
 IV. PURVEYORS OF LITERATURE .... 73 
 
 V. THE BOYS BECOME A COMMITTEE ON VILLAGE 
 
 PURIFICATION 89 
 
 VI. THE MEETING OF THE COMMITTEE ON PUBLIC 
 
 SAFETY 114 
 
 VII. How GREAT A DIFFERENCE ONE SMALL LETTER 
 
 MAKES 141 
 
 VIII. SHIPWRECKED AND LOST IN THE WOODS . . 164 
 
 IX. THE BOYS GET THEIR SECOND WIND GREATLY 
 
 TO THE DISMAY OF THE CONSPIRATORS . 189 
 
 X. THE CONSPIRATORS DETECT A RAY OF LIGHT 
 
 THAT GENERATES HORRID SUSPICIONS . .211 
 
 XI. THE COUNTY FAIR 230 
 
 XII. THE COLOR LINE . 263
 
 ILLUSTRATIONS 
 
 LUNCH TIME (Page 156) Frontispiece 
 
 BlLL FELL FLAT ON HIS FACE 12 
 
 HEELS OVER HEAD INTO ABOUT Six INCHES OF WATER 36 
 THE HEARTY MALEDICTION OF MR. SIMEON FLANDERS 70 
 
 A MARVELOUS BURST OF SPEED 82 
 
 IT AFFORDED THEM AN OPPORTUNITY TO TRAVEL . 96 
 BARNEY AND THE FORCEFUL MARGARET . . . 102 
 
 HE BROKE INTO A ROAR OF LAUGHTER . . . 120 
 
 A SNEEZE THAT NEARLY RAISED THE ROOF . . 126 
 THE LAKE POURED OVER THE SIDE . . . .172 
 WAL, WAL, BOYS, T AIN T NO LAFFIN MATTER . 182 
 
 A LEISURELY SWIM 190 
 
 PICKIN BLOO ow! ow! BERRIES .... 222 
 WAKE-UP ROBINSON BEHIND OLD SKEEPSKIN . . 236 
 SWEEPS ACROSS THE WIRE A LENGTH AHEAD . . 256 
 A WHIRLWIND OF SMALL SOOTY FIGURES . . . 278 
 
 From drawings by Sears Gallagher
 
 THE MISADVENTURES 
 OF THREE GOOD BOYS 
 
 THE LAMBASTER 
 
 THINGS had been going badly with Plupy of 
 late. The general financial stringency in the 
 money market was making itself felt in his vicin 
 ity, and Plupy himself was feeling the cruel pinch 
 of poverty. Beany and Pewt were also struggling 
 with pecuniary adversity and with great diffi 
 culty keeping their heads above water. 
 
 The spring store in the woodshed with its 
 gayly colored and homemade fly-boxes, Jacob s- 
 ladders, snappers, pictures from the "Police 
 News" and "Godey s Magazine"; its cigars 
 manufactured of w T riting-book paper made into 
 little cylinders by winding it round lead pencils 
 and glueing the overlapping edges with gum 
 arabic, removing the pencil, drying the cylinder, 
 and stuffing it with sweet fern, hayseed, pow 
 dered mullein leaf, or dried corn-silk ; its bar with 
 the fly-specked, broken-nosed pitcher and handle- 
 less cups, from which was decanted and drunk 
 sweetened water; its gaudy gilt ornaments, made
 
 2 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 by girl friends had been long discontinued; its 
 receipts in the shape of old iron, broken bolts 
 and huts, rusty nails, pieces of zinc and lead and 
 copper, all of which were legal tender and easily 
 exchangeable at the hardware stores, per pound, 
 for cash, had been divided and lavished on goose 
 berries, jujube paste, taffy on a stick, cocoanut 
 cakes, and other delightful and cloying confec 
 tions. 
 
 Bankruptcy had then been avoided by collect 
 ing bones from back yards and gardens which, as 
 the snow melted from the gardens, appeared in 
 immense quantities, and were also the medium of 
 exchange for cash at the same emporium. 
 
 But the period between the melting of the 
 snow and the making of gardens was a very dry 
 period for the boys. Never had those hard and 
 mottled gooseberries in Si Smith s windows 
 seemed half so attractive or so far removed. 
 Never had the jujube paste looked so melting 
 and so delicious. 
 
 "Got any chink?" "Not a gol-darned red," 
 were the question and answer always heard when 
 the boys met. 
 
 Several councils of war were held as the situa 
 tion became desperate, and some original ideas 
 were broached, which proved impracticable after 
 consideration. 
 
 Beany advocated hiring a horse and taking
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 3 
 
 parties out to ride, but diligent inquiry at the 
 livery-stables was met with discouraging deter 
 mination on the part of the proprietors to have 
 payment in advance. 
 
 Plupy finally agreed to sell his collection of 
 birds eggs; but when he went to get them, found 
 to his intense sorrow that a half-cord of wood had 
 been dumped on them where he had carelessly 
 left them overnight. Pewt was so overwhelmed 
 by the seriousness of the loss that he had no 
 scheme to offer ; so Plupy again put on his think 
 ing-cap and thought so vigorously that his brows 
 were furrowed with lines, his ears moved, and his 
 scalp twitched horribly as he scowled. 
 
 "Telyer what, fellers, p r aps if we can get any 
 thing to sell we could do suthin . Lessee, Pewt, 
 do yer father s hens lay any now?" 
 
 "They lay well enough, but since I hooked em 
 the last time father keeps the door of the coop 
 locked." 
 
 "Gorry," said Beany, "th ain t nothin at my 
 house I can get." 
 
 " What about Pewt s printin -press? We might 
 print some cards," suggested Plupy. 
 
 "Huh! no, th ain t no chance to do anything. 
 The News Letter Job Print will print cards 
 cheaper than we can. Then most of the people 
 who ordered cards would n t take em." 
 
 " Course they would n t," scoffed Beany.
 
 4 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "You printed William Tanner s cards Bill 
 Tanner, n Miss Margaret Donovan s, Mag 
 Donovan ; whatjer spect?" 
 
 "Well, ennyway," said Pewt, by way of justi 
 fication, "everybody calls em Bill and Mag." 
 
 "We might print a newspaper. P r aps we 
 could sell it. I heard my father say that the 
 News Letter was so tame that there was n t no 
 fun in readin it. He said th was n t nothin in it 
 but somebody was en joy in the visit of some 
 body else, or somebody had painted his house,* 
 or somebody had gone to Eppin for a visit, or 
 * Willie Somebody had n t been absent nor tardy 
 during the term." 
 
 "My father said," chimed in Beany, "that if 
 somebody started a paper that would print real 
 news in it he could make a barrel of money." 
 
 "I say, fellers," said Pewt, " les try it. Franklin 
 printed a paper once when he was a boy." 
 
 "Huh! Franklin didn t print no paper; he 
 invented lightning," said Beany. 
 
 "Betcher!" 
 
 "Betcher!" 
 
 "Whattleyoubet?" 
 
 "Whattleyou?" 
 
 " Don t daster!" 
 
 "You don t daster neither!" 
 
 "Aw!" 
 
 "Aw!"
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 5 
 
 "Come on, fellers, quit jawin* now. How 
 about printin a newspaper?" 
 
 So a conference was held, and it was determined 
 that the paper should be a weekly; that they 
 should all contribute to the columns as writers 
 and reporters, and labor at its setting-up as com 
 positors, and when the sheet was completed, to 
 hawk it through the town as newsboys. 
 
 The title caused them some heartburning and 
 more or less raucous dispute. Pewt opined that a 
 bold title like "A Jolt in the Slats" or "The 
 Sidewinder" would have a tendency to attract 
 the public eye and at the same time to concisely 
 explain the viewpoint of the editors to be, "Hew 
 to the line, let the chips fall where they may." 
 
 Plupy rather objected to the coarse material 
 ism of the title and, being more of an impres 
 sionist than Pewt, suggested "The Echo," be 
 cause as he said an echo never lied, but always 
 repeated things correctly. 
 
 Beany said he did n t care a darn about the 
 name; that the thing to do was to get the paper 
 started and collect the "dosh" for it; and so after 
 some further discussion it was decided to call 
 it "The Lambaster," to indicate its policy of 
 reform in "knockin the everlastin pea-green 
 stuffin outer folly, crime, and foolishness," as its 
 prospectus, written by Plupy, stated. 
 
 The first edition of the paper opened with a
 
 6 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 short editorial by Plupy, in which he stated the 
 crying need of an independent paper, "cauzed 
 by thE eVazif polisy Of our IsteameD con Tem- 
 PoraRy," pledging the "homier" of the editors 
 and proprietors to deal with "plane fax," and to 
 call a "spaid" a "sPald" at "al" times. 
 
 Then followed a Fast Day proclamation of 
 Governor Gilman s, which would have been 
 correct but for the fact that Governor Gilman 
 had been dead many, many years. But then this 
 was of very little importance anyway. The only 
 salient point was the announcement of the date. 
 
 The second column was taken up by original 
 humor, copied, the greater part of it, from the 
 back part of divers back numbers of "Harper s," 
 to which magazine Plupy s father had for years 
 been a subscriber. 
 
 Occasionally what might have been an origi 
 nal joke crept in, as this gem:- "What iS the 
 cAuze of thE feerfull smelL on front Strete?" 
 "Answer. The oDor of decaid jentility." 
 
 As Front Street was the one street sacred to 
 the old families, some of whom were in rather 
 reduced circumstances, this little fillip must have 
 been intensely gratifying to them, and certainly 
 delighted beyond measure certain of the plain 
 people who were 1 extremely jealous of the con 
 temptuously termed "royal families." 
 
 An original, unquestionably original, poem, by
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 7 
 
 Beany, appeared, a poem with badly spavined 
 meter, in which "home" rhymed, or was used to 
 rhyme, with "groan," or, to be more accurate, 
 "grone," and other slight imperfections. How 
 ever, it was very sad, very melancholy, very 
 hopeless, as was the fashion in those days. 
 
 There was some advertising matter on the 
 second page, evidently space-filling only, without 
 money and without price. Indeed, had it not 
 been for one interesting notice, the readers of the 
 paper would have had some misgivings as to the 
 ostensible aim of the paper being in consonance 
 with its title. This was in the nature of a friendly 
 warning to a transgressor and read as follows : 
 
 "If the Man with a red muchtach whitch 
 worKs in the haRdware stoaR dont stopp hanG- 
 ing rouNd the House on the Conner of temple 
 strete we will tell his wife and her husband in our 
 paper. Sech things hadent aught to be alouD." 
 
 That the first edition of "The Lambaster" 
 created a mild sensation was not surprising. The 
 sale rapidly exhausted the supply of papers, only 
 about one hundred having been printed. These 
 sold readily at two cents and with the proceeds 
 the editors, proprietors, compositors, foremen, 
 and newsboys bought a large supply of paper and 
 printers ink and prepared for a red-pepper 
 edition for the following week. 
 
 Now reformers generally do not have to look
 
 8 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 far for work. In any small or large community 
 there are many abuses awaiting remedy, many 
 nuisances to be abated, many conditions of 
 things fairly pining for improvement. Sherlock 
 Holmes found the services of small boys of the 
 greatest service in ferreting out crime, and Sher 
 lock was a very keen blade when he entrusted 
 commissions to them. 
 
 So these three boys, thoroughly interested in 
 their work and enthusiastic for the right, began 
 to canvass the town in the interest of the Goddess 
 Reform, and found abundant work. They lis 
 tened to conversations, trailed reputable citizens 
 after dark, hung around saloons, billiard halls, 
 and barber shops, where gossip and scandal were 
 dealt in both wholesale and retail, and as a result 
 of their arduous labors they had amassed and 
 printed, at the day of issue, a collection of items 
 that astonished, amazed, delighted, scandalized, 
 and horrified the entire population. 
 
 Even at this late day it would be unwise to 
 do more than hint at the amazing disclosures of 
 this first yellow journal, and say that but for the 
 very opportune arrival of a disastrous fire which 
 swept away a large part of the main business 
 street of the town, the consequences of the publi 
 cation would have been very far-reaching. 
 
 The editorial was short and to the point. It 
 spoke of the determination of the editors to
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 9 
 
 strangle the hydra-headed monster of debauch 
 ery and crime that had swept over the town, 
 and to purify the manners and morals of the 
 citizens ; and the first crack off the bat was cer 
 tainly a base hit. It was in the form of a ques 
 tion and answer which tended to show that the 
 aim of the paper was to have a pat answer to any 
 question asked. 
 
 "Question. Had enny mAn aught to go riding 
 with a notHer man s wife at nite in a topP 
 buGy. If he hazn t then Bill Archibald has dun 
 rong last SaTuRday nite." 
 
 The next brought in six home runs. 
 
 " Bewair! 
 
 "Them six felLows whitch play cArdS over the 
 oicster salooN oN thE conneR oF wAteR and 
 scenter stRetes had beTTer stopp it. IF They 
 DonT we shalL pubLiSh thAre naims. One 
 wiRks in the PoSt ofFice, 1 wiRks in ThE 
 founDry one in a druG sTorE, one in A growseRy 
 stoRe and oNE don T wirk enny. A worD to 
 tHE wizE is suFissienT." 
 
 " Dont get mAd Pat this is afrenDly wARning. 
 
 "If Pat HennesSy licks his wifE AgAin we aRe 
 going to tell whAre he gets his licker and then
 
 10 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 Jack Devlin hAd bettEr look or he will be perse- 
 cutED to the Extent of thE law." 
 
 "The biBle says thou shAlt not covEt thy 
 naborS wife, if the rEveRent JosEph SnApp 
 hAs got a bible We gess that leef is toar ouT. We 
 hoAp we shAll not have to mEnshon this AgAin." 
 
 In this artless way did the editors enter the 
 lists with folly, crime, and foolishness as their 
 dread opponents. In this direct but unobtrusive 
 manner did they seek to point out to erring sin 
 ners the straight and narrow path, to raise up the 
 fallen, to help the unfortunate. 
 
 To say that the paper sold, would feebly ex 
 press the tremendous rush for it. The paper 
 containing the news of the firing on Sumter, or 
 the surrender of Lee at Appomattox, was not 
 fought for more eagerly than this little, unpre 
 tentious, uplifting tract bearing its message to 
 the do wnf alien. Scarcely had the first piping 
 calls of the newsboys shrilled out upon the balmy 
 air of early morning when a ravenous mob sur 
 rounded them. Every one fought for papers; 
 coppers, nickels, and even ten-cent pieces rained 
 down upon the boys. Nobody waited for change, 
 but as soon as he obtained the coveted sheet be 
 came absorbed in its contents, generally lifting 
 his voice to heaven in loud howls of delight, and
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 11 
 
 slapping his knee, and anon bending double with 
 keen enjoyment. 
 
 Plupy, Beany, and Pewt were in their element. 
 They had become literary characters; they were 
 appreciated by their contemporaries; they were 
 giving keen pleasure to hundreds ; they were in 
 stituting reforms; they were making money; 
 they jingled as they walked, jingled with silver, 
 nickel, and copper. They ran their hands into 
 their pockets and let the coins rattle through 
 their fingers with musical clinkings. They won 
 dered how much money they had earned. Sordid 
 thoughts! What did the money amount to? 
 Money ! there was plenty of that ; all they would 
 have to do would be to publish their paper, and 
 money would flow in upon them in a stream. But 
 this was fame. Fame! 
 
 They strolled along looking patronizingly upon 
 the convulsed crowd. 
 
 "Oh! You fellers do beat the devil," cried one 
 man, holding his sides. 
 
 "That s right," said another; "give it to em. 
 They ain t got no friends." 
 
 "I think you boys are doing the right thing," 
 said a lady of severe cast of countenance, "and I 
 only wish some of our grown men who publish 
 papers had half of your courage. Really, you 
 have reason to be proud." 
 
 Whether or not the boys had reason to be
 
 proud, they certainly were very proud. This 
 praise was as incense to their nostrils. They 
 guessed their fathers and mothers would think 
 they were pretty smart boys. Perhaps after this 
 when they saw their sons going down to the 
 Savings Bank every Friday to put in their 
 " chink," they would be sorry for some things 
 they had said to them and about them. 
 
 It required some courage and grit to publish the 
 truth. It was n t everybody who dast to do it. The 
 " News Letter " man did n t daster. Huh. No 
 body need ever be afraid to speak the truth, and 
 they guessed they were not afraid. Lessee, who 
 was this feller comin along? It looked like Bill 
 Archibald. Gosh! it is Bill Archibald. 
 
 The three boys paused and visibly shrunk. 
 "Gosh!" said Plupy; "d ye s pose he sees us?" 
 
 Just then Bill broke into a run pouring out 
 blasphemies. Beany dashed down an alley with 
 his legs going like spokes of a wheel. Pewt dove 
 into a store and out the back way. Plupy, with 
 the homing instinct of an Antwerp pigeon, 
 dashed for home. Bill followed. Plupy had 
 twenty yards start and ran like a greyhound. 
 With head thrown back, skinny arms gyrating 
 like windmills and hands vigorously clawing the 
 air, and long legs fairly whirring, he legged it for 
 home. 
 
 Across the Square they went like flying shad-
 
 BILL FELL FLAT ON" HIS FACE
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 13 
 
 ows. Bill gained steadily. His outstretched hand 
 came nearer and nearer to Plupy s collar. Now 
 he had him; but, no, for Plupy, ducking like a 
 rabbit, made a spasmodic, jumping-jack vault to 
 one side, and Bill overreaching himself, fell flat on 
 his face, and before he could rise Plupy turned 
 the corner like a frantic daddylonglegs, and Bill, 
 cursing like a pirate, turned down a side street. 
 
 The publication caused a most tremendous 
 sensation. Those who were mentioned were wild 
 with wrath and eager for revenge. One of the 
 more violent even went to the point of declaring 
 that if he could n t catch Plupy before night he 
 would be on the lookout for Plupy s father at the 
 five-thirty train from Boston and wipe the floor 
 with him. Pewt s and Beany s respective fathers, 
 having good reason to believe that Plupy was the 
 ringleader in all the joint deviltry of the three 
 boys, promptly and with generous vigor and 
 impartiality tanned the hides of their respective 
 sons and felt that they had made such amends 
 for the outrage as lay within their power, and 
 viewed the storm with complacency not un 
 mixed with amused appreciation. 
 
 But Plupy s father was a different proposition. 
 An extremely pliable, easy-going, and good- 
 natured man, when handled right, he was one of 
 the most obstinate, defiant, and mulish when any 
 attempt was made to intimidate or to drive him.
 
 14 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 Had any one of the injured parties approached 
 him in a conciliatory spirit, and had said, 
 "George, I feel pretty badly about this, and I 
 look to you to set things right," he would have 
 done everything to salve their wounded dignity 
 and to make amends, and to this end Plupy 
 would have fared badly under that precept of 
 Holy Writ, "Woe to that man by whom the 
 offense cometh." 
 
 Now, when Bill Archibald, thirsting for gore, 
 met the elder Shute at the station and told him 
 with many oaths, that unless he forthwith "whaled 
 the liver outer that pup boy of his," he would 
 "have his blankity blank tripe," and, further, 
 indicated his due purpose of abstracting that 
 worthy gentlemen s "tripe" by thrusting a 
 gnarled and knotted fist under his nose, the old 
 gentleman woke up to the situation with the most 
 refreshing promptness, and when Bill was picked 
 up from a tangle of hack-horses feet 
 
 "Dragged from among the horses feet, 
 With dinted shield and helmet beat, 
 The falcon-crest and plumage gone, 
 Can that be haughty Marmion!" 
 
 he was in no condition to come to time, if, indeed, 
 he had wished to, which was extremely doubtful. 
 Pat Hennessey and Jack Devlin, who were pres 
 ent to see the fun, and if advisable to take such 
 part in it as might be necessary to reduce the
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 15 
 
 elder Shute to a condition favorable to a com 
 promise, decided without argument that the 
 time was not propitious for interference, which 
 showed that their judgment was sound in this 
 instance, whatever it might have been in rela 
 tion to the quality of liquor Jack dispensed. 
 
 When the elder Shute reached home, he was 
 met by an agitated household. Plupy was always 
 bringing them into trouble and disgrace. Plupy 
 was always just escaping arrest and jail, and this 
 time something dreadful would happen, and a 
 copy of the fatal sheet was pressed into his 
 hands. 
 
 Plupy s father sat down and read, sternly and 
 unforgivingly. But as he read crinkly lines began 
 to gather at the corners of his eyes, his eyes began 
 to twinkle, and his lips to draw up at the corners. 
 Finally, a chuckle, a snort, and then he threw 
 back his head and roared. "Good!" he yelled, 
 " good ! the boys did n t say a word too much and 
 they told the truth." 
 
 "So they are going to prosecute, are they? 
 Well, let em prosecute and be hanged." And the 
 old gentleman put up so stiff a front that those 
 who came to curse, while they did not exactly 
 remain to pray, still had their enthusiasm for 
 war very perceptibly dampened after an inter 
 view with the outspoken old gentleman. 
 
 Happily that night the big Water Street fire
 
 16 MISADVENTURES 
 
 broke out, and the consequent excitement and 
 interest were such that the affairs of "The 
 Lambaster" were allowed to drift into forget- 
 fulness. 
 
 A few days later the three boys sat in Plupy s 
 barn lunching delicately on cookies, doughnuts, 
 cocoanut cakes, raw cocoanut, taffy, and goose 
 berries. 
 
 "Telyer what, fellers," said Plupy, "th ain t 
 any chance for a feller to do anything good in this 
 world; every time he tries it, he gits lammed in 
 the neck: might jest as well be a pirut." 
 
 "Thasso, Plupy," said Pewt, mumbling a huge 
 gooseberry, "or a highway robber. Whadjer say, 
 Beany?" 
 
 "Pass that cocoanut over here, will yer? Do 
 you fellers want it all?" demanded Beany. 
 
 "Aw! "said Pewt. 
 
 "Aw!" assented Plupy.
 
 II 
 
 PRISONERS OF HOPE 
 
 THE summer term of the old Spring Street 
 Grammar School in the little town of Exeter was 
 drawing to a close. It had seemed, to the very 
 lively boys of that town who were daily strug 
 gling with allopathic doses of Colburn s Arith 
 metic, Guyot s Geography, Hillard s Second and 
 Third Readers, and Kerl s Common School 
 Grammar, to say nothing of spelling, and the 
 somewhat more than allopathic, say veterinary, 
 doses of discipline incidental to the same, that 
 vacation would never come, never! 
 
 Outside, the world was fair with the balmy 
 brightness of a New England June, that month 
 unsurpassed in charm. The birds had all arrived, 
 and were mating, nesting, and filling the air with 
 song. In the brooks and small pools the lily-pads 
 had spread their thick, smooth leaves of waxen 
 green, as yet undefiled by predaceous bugs and 
 flies. Schools of small fish w r ere darting about in 
 the pools and streams, awaiting the black linen 
 hand-braided lines and small blue steel "minny " 
 hooks of the boys. And right here I wish to 
 explode the oft-exploited theory of catching fish
 
 18 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 with a bended pin and piece of tow-string. I have 
 nothing to say against the tow-string, but I am 
 gunning for the bended pin of song and story. 
 Away with it ! A murrain on it ! Years ago, when 
 one of these very boys of whom I am writing, I 
 spent a long time in vainly trying to catch a fish 
 with a pin hook. I was led to believe that this 
 feat had been the favorite accomplishment of 
 rural youth from time immemorial, from hear 
 ing a very charming young lady, traveling with 
 Father Kemp s Concert Singers, render a touch 
 ing ballad entitled "Swinging in the Lane," in 
 which a small but sentimental boy had passed the 
 greater part of a delightful boyhood in catch 
 ing minnows, with "bended pin for hook," and 
 swinging in the lane with a demure but bewitch 
 ing damsel known as "Rosy Nell." In common 
 with the rest of the audience I fell very much in 
 love with the vocalist, and as she went away with 
 the rest of the singers on the morning train with 
 out a look or a thought for me, I became a prey 
 to melancholy and spent a week or more in futile 
 efforts to emulate the hero of the song. But I 
 never could catch a fish. Either the pin would 
 not hold the bait and the fish merely knocked it 
 off with its nose and swallowed it, or the pin 
 pulled out without damage to the fish. Once in a 
 great while I would prick a small fish a bit, but it 
 always escaped little the worse for the adven-
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 19 
 
 ture. However, I soon conquered my burning 
 passion for the perfidious cantatrice that sang 
 such arrant nonsense, at least in reference to a 
 " bended pin for hook"; I say nothing derogatory 
 of Rosy Nell and the swing. I respect her, it, 
 and the combination of him, her, and it. And so 
 good came out of it after all, for I recovered my 
 spirits. 
 
 But to return to the boys. They are still pris 
 oners in the schoolhouse, and the sun and the 
 breeze and the birds and squirrels are calling 
 them away, and their legal protectors and their 
 school-teacher will not let them away, and the 
 long days of school life pass on leaden wings. To 
 be sure, one can get up in the morning and go 
 down into Moulton s or Gilman s field and pick 
 bunches of purple, white, or dogtooth violets, 
 and on Jady Hill there are bluebells, and in a 
 certain place in the Eddy Woods are lady s- 
 slipper, and in one place, which Plupy and 
 Potter only know, are bunches of trillium. 
 
 And after school at five o clock there is time 
 for a swim and a little fishing and some birds - 
 egging, and there is the noon recess when there is 
 "Three Old Cat" in the school-yard. Yes, of 
 course, there is some fun, but the boys are tired 
 of school. It never occurred to them that per 
 haps their vigorous, muscular, and enthusiastic 
 instructor, Old Francis, was just as tired of school
 
 20 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 as they were, and longed, oh! so much, to get out 
 of the dreary round of subject nominatives and 
 predicate verbs, and participial nouns, and inver 
 sion of the divisor and proceeding as in multipli 
 cation, and carrying one to the next column, and 
 of the minuend and the subtrahend, the divisor 
 and the dividend; of Morocco, Algiers, Tunis, 
 Tripoli, Barca, and Egypt, and of the thirty- 
 seven States (there were but thirty-seven then), 
 and ten Territories (there are less now), and the 
 District of Columbia; of the railroad train that 
 was rushing ahead at almost lightning speed with 
 a curve just ahead ; of old Jacob Stock, the hard 
 hearted rich man, than whom the chimes of the 
 clock were not more punctual in proclaiming the 
 progress of time; of Nebo s lonely mountain on 
 this side Jordan s wave; of the old and haughty 
 Czar, who was lonely, though princes girt him 
 round and leaders of the war; of the fingers 
 weary and worn, of the eyelids heavy and red; 
 of the warrior who bowed his crested head and 
 tamed his heart of fire, and sued the haughty 
 king to free his long-imprisoned sire; of the grave 
 too cold and damp for a soul so warm and true, 
 of the Lake of the Dismal Swamp, the firefly 
 lamp, the paddle and the white canoe; of Uncle 
 Abel, the most perpendicular, rectangular, up 
 right, downright good man that ever labored six 
 days and rested on the seventh; of the slumber
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 21 
 
 of the brave who sink to rest, by all their coun 
 try s wishes blest, where Spring with dewy 
 fingers cold returns; of the winged winds that 
 round his pathway roared; of the fact that next 
 to Washington, Greene was the ablest com 
 mander in the Revolutionary army, above the 
 middle height and strongly made; of the cold 
 gray stones and the stately ships that went on and 
 on and on, and Stout Lartius and Ocnus of Falerii, 
 and Horatius; of Campania s hinds and the thrice 
 accursed sail, and the great Lord of Luna who fell 
 at that deadly stroke; of news of battle that was 
 ringing down the street; of old Tubal Cain in the 
 days when the earth was young; of the chief who 
 in silence strode before; of the supercilious nabob 
 of the East, haughty, being great, purse- 
 proud, being rich, a governor or general in 
 the least, I have forgotten which; and of the 
 humble youth, a lad of decent parts and good 
 repute. 
 
 Perhaps the one thing that kept them from 
 despair in the hours of their dreary imprison 
 ment was the Nightingale and Oliver Optic and 
 Horatio Alger. The Nightingale was the school 
 songbook, and the half-hour of song was always 
 a welcome interruption to study and recitation. 
 And the hours when the instructor would read 
 stirring youthful tales of favorite authors were all 
 too delightfully sJiort.
 
 22 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 The object of this sagacious and far-seeing 
 teacher was twofold, or, to speak more correctly, 
 threefold. His own endurance and that of the 
 boys and girls was nearing the limit; he wished 
 to inculcate habits of industry in his charges by 
 reading to them of the small but noble-minded 
 boy who resolutely put aside the joyous pastimes 
 of boyhood and, putting his immature but sin 
 ewy hands to the plough or his undeveloped but 
 powerful shoulder to the wheel, saved his father s 
 or mother s homestead from the cruel and inter 
 est-bearing mortgage that hung over their heads 
 like the sword of Damocles, or like a pail of wa 
 ter over the doorway with a small boy at the end 
 of the string, and gained a place in the counting- 
 room of the rich but just merchant whose busi 
 ness he had saved from destruction by wonder 
 ful, not to say uncanny, but wholly precocious 
 business sagacity. 
 
 Secondly, our sagacious instructor saw the 
 advisability of applying a judicious safety-valve 
 to the pupils unrest; and thirdly, he liked the 
 stories himself. 
 
 Now these stories were excellent in their way. 
 The heroes were excellent and quite impossible 
 youth, with an eye to the main chance and with 
 "Excelsior" as their motto. They always suc 
 ceeded in their high aim, against insurmount 
 able obstacles, of accomplishing the impossible,
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 23 
 
 and they always got their reward in the last 
 chapter if not before. They were dreadful prigs, 
 but their ability to fight reconciled the boys 
 to them. Before "planting" their small but iron 
 fists between the eyes of the bully, who, we 
 must admit, needed a thrashing dreadfully, they 
 made a speech deprecating the necessity of fight 
 ing, removed coat, vest, and braces, never 
 suspenders or even galluses, rolled up their 
 sleeves displaying arms corded with muscle, and 
 in a series of beautifully arranged rounds whipped 
 the bully until he begged for mercy, and thereby 
 a beautiful lesson and a strong moral were incul 
 cated. 
 
 In spite of the fact that the fights between the 
 boys in this school and in every school, out of 
 books, were a whirlwind of pulling hair, punch 
 ing, and wrestling with no holds barred, and were 
 continued until one of the combatants hollered 
 "Nuff!" the boys took these tales without a 
 single grain of salt and believed in them abso 
 lutely. It was one of the tragedies of boyhood 
 to learn that "Hope and Have," "Haste and 
 Waste," "Work and Win," and kindred narra 
 tives were not veritable biographies. Alas and 
 alack, for Waddie Wimpleton and Tommy Top- 
 pleton, and Ragged Dick of fragrant memory. 
 
 But at that time in the boys lives there were 
 giants, and their example could not fail to im-
 
 24 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 press the boys with a desire to be sober, indus 
 trious, successful, and to develop arms corded 
 with muscles and to thrash the local bully, who 
 ever he might be, and wherever he might have 
 an abiding place. And when at last, after a most 
 interminable time, the term closed, they began 
 the long vacation with a concrete determination 
 to make a name for themselves as sober, pro 
 gressive, and reputable citizens with iron fists 
 and corded arms. 
 
 Of course, they had to luxuriate for a couple of 
 weeks in the glorious days of ease, in which they 
 fished, swam, went birds -egging, trapped squir 
 rels and rabbits ; that is to say, they set traps 
 and had those moments of breathless anticipa 
 tion in finding, as the old colored man said, 
 "dem ar traps sprong and nuffin cotch." 
 
 But after a while these mere amusements 
 palled upon them. Their companions were at 
 work. Fatty Gilman was daily seen with old 
 Edward Giddings, the white-haired, magnificent 
 old manager of the great Gilman farm, journey 
 ing to and from the hay-fields and tilled land. 
 Skinny Bruce was working for J. Getchell & Son, 
 learning the business of tinsmith, a calling in 
 which he afterwards became locally eminent. 
 Tady Finton was driving the milk cart from the 
 Cilley farm, an engagement that proved to be 
 only temporary, as Tady improved the oppor-
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 25 
 
 tunity to race the old gray plug with every 
 horse he overtook, with the result that a great 
 deal of the milk was churned to butter before 
 delivery. 
 
 Scott Brigham was waiting on table in the 
 Squamscott Hotel; Ed Towle was driving a bag 
 gage-wagon to the beach; Potter Gorham was 
 collecting specimens for the Smithsonian at 
 Washington; the three Chadwick boys were 
 whitewashing their fences and sheds and culti 
 vating their fine garden and sawing innumerable 
 cords of wood in the rear of their house. Pop 
 Clark was learning the printer s trade of Smith, 
 Hall & Clark, of the Exeter "News Letter"; 
 Fatty Melcher was peddling shavings from the 
 planing-mill and his father s carriage-shop; and 
 other boys of their acquaintance were engaged 
 in a variety of pursuits. 
 
 Plupy, Beany, and Pewt were uneasy. As long 
 as they were playing and the other boys working 
 they felt ill at ease. Had they been working and 
 the other boys playing, they would have felt much 
 the same. They wanted to do what the other 
 boys were doing. They were gregarious animals. 
 All small boys are. In this lies a moral, but one 
 not readily recognized. 
 
 So they discussed the prospect of employment. 
 They objected to severe manual labor, such as 
 raking hay, pitching it, and especially storing it
 
 26 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 away in a hot, choky, dusty mow. They had no 
 especial objection to riding on the loads or driv 
 ing the horserake. On mature consideration they 
 decided that haymaking was not for them. Then 
 they objected to gardening as too prosaic an oc 
 cupation for youths of their peculiar talents. 
 And they were not going to give the lie to prece 
 dent by engaging in such jog-trot and uninterest 
 ing employment; for no one of those priggish 
 heroes in the Oliver Optic books did work of this 
 nature. Ragged Dick blacked boots and sold 
 papers and fought with street Arabs and stopped 
 runaway horses and became great. So would 
 they do. 
 
 They would be glad to enter the drunkard s 
 cheerless home and chop wood and build a fire to 
 keep the poor wife and her helpless babes from 
 starvation and freezing to death. But they did 
 not know of any drunkards wives and children 
 who were in any such desperate circumstances, 
 and if they had, it was summer and they would 
 not freeze anyway, don t you see? And as for 
 fighting with street Arabs, why, what if they got 
 licked? It would be far better to develop their 
 corded and muscular arms first. Most of the 
 street Arabs could fight, especially the Franklin- 
 Streeters. 
 
 Some of the heroes they had read about had 
 guided people round great cities and had carried
 
 27 
 
 their baggage from the railroad stations. Ha! 
 that was it. They would do that. True, Exeter 
 was not a great city, but people came to it every 
 day in the summer; lots of people. Then the sta 
 tion, especially at the 9 o clock morning train 
 from Boston and the 5.30 P.M., was a busy place. 
 The huge and many-seated beach wagons were 
 filling up with passengers, the Exeter citizens 
 who had business in Boston were going and com 
 ing, the hackmen were fighting over passengers 
 and baggage, and things were very lively and 
 exciting. 
 
 So with great enthusiasm they voted to be 
 come guides, philosophers, friends, and baggage- 
 smashers to curious summer visitors, and the 
 next morning were on hand at the railroad sta 
 tion prepared to escort parties of excursionists 
 through the town, and to get as much amusement 
 as possible from the lively scenes that daily in the 
 summer season took place at that noted station 
 and its then famous restaurant. They met with 
 little success at first, for people coming to town 
 seemed fairly contented to carry their own bag 
 gage or to take one of the numerous convey 
 ances, instead of walking, as Plupy expressed it, 
 "on their own hind legs and givin a feller a 
 chance to earn a little honest chink." 
 
 Then the good-natured courtesy of the citizens 
 of the town toward strangers made maddening
 
 28 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 inroads on the little business they obtained. Did 
 either Plupy, Beany, or Pewt secure a customer 
 and proudly start for the main street with his 
 carpet-bag, along would come James William 
 Odlin, or Abner Merrill, or Amos Tuck, or Wil 
 liam B. Morrill, or some one of the many Exeter 
 men who daily went to Boston, and would jo 
 vially hail the stranger and annex him and his 
 carpet-bag, leaving the unfortunate guide, phi 
 losopher, friend, and baggage-smasher staring 
 blankly after his fleeting chance of gain and be 
 wailing his luck. 
 
 Still they persisted, and as they were polite 
 and pleasant, they earned quite a little money 
 for a week or ten days ; and taking into account 
 the fights between rival hackmen and drivers of 
 express and baggage-wagons, the races between 
 the driving horses of sporting patrons of the 
 road, occasional runaways, and other things in 
 cidental to travel to and from the station, they 
 felt that they were seeing life and becoming 
 prosperous. 
 
 But unfortunately there were many other boys 
 who were equally anxious for the small change 
 earned by these boys, and competition became 
 so fierce that it soon developed into lively war 
 fare, in which our three boys were speedily wiped 
 off the business map, and retired in huge disgust 
 and greatly damaged from a business that yielded
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 29 
 
 them little but bruises and desperate chases 
 through fields and across lots to their own 
 bailiwick. 
 
 But they were only temporarily discouraged, 
 and after a week of recuperation, which included 
 swimming, fishing, bullfrogging, and picking wild 
 strawberries w T hich were then ripe, they looked 
 about for another chance to emulate the heroes 
 of Oliver Optic. 
 
 This time they decided upon a nautical life, 
 a sort of fresh-water seafaring occupation that 
 appealed to them very strongly. The keeper of 
 a periodical store in the square owned a large, 
 commodious, and safe boat which he rented to 
 picnic parties. There were many other boats on 
 the river, but this w r as the largest and safest. For 
 its size it rowed very easily, but was used, for the 
 most part, by parties and not by twos or threes. 
 As Mr. Simpson, commonly known as "Hen, * 
 could spare but little time from his business to 
 pilot his patrons up the beautiful and winding 
 stream, he had to cast about for reliable assist 
 ants. 
 
 He found willing assistants in these three boys. 
 He knew them as good oarsmen, swimmers, and 
 fishermen who knew the river. To be sure, in 
 case of accident they might not be quite as effi 
 cient life-savers as grown men, but there was 
 only one chance in a thousand of any accident
 
 happening in that boat, it was so large and 
 stanch. He got but a dollar and a half a day for 
 the boat, and fifteen cents an hour for short trips. 
 He would have had to pay a man one dollar and a 
 half for his services; the boys would cost nothing, 
 as the picnic parties would be expected to give 
 them something; and if they neglected to do so, 
 he would not be expected to give them more than 
 five or ten cents each. So they were engaged and 
 entered upon their duties at once. 
 
 They bailed out the boat, scrubbed the seats 
 and inside, scraped the oars, and tacked a tin rim 
 on the edge of the blades, which were somewhat 
 frayed and split from long use, whittled out fresh 
 tholepins, and did about four dollars worth of 
 work on the old boat, for which they received 
 nothing and which they greatly enjoyed doing. 
 
 Then they awaited business which was not 
 long in coming. The second morning after their 
 engagement a party of Westerners came from the 
 beach, riding thither in one of those dreadfully 
 uncomfortable but gaudily painted beach wagons 
 to spend a day on the river. There were eight of 
 them, and they brought with them ample pro 
 visions of chicken, bread and butter, cake, pies, 
 and fruit, which the boys carefully stowed in the 
 cuddy at the bow of the boat and later generously 
 partook of at the kind invitation of their passen 
 gers. Plupy and Beany rowed, while Pewt, sit-
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 31 
 
 ting in the bow of the boat, called off the names 
 of the points of interest, Little River, The 
 Oak, Sandy Bottom, The Gravel, The Cove, 
 Cove Bridge, The Willows, Fool s Corner, The 
 Eddy ; and as he was a youth of very vivid imagi 
 nation he clothed the history of these points with 
 love, romance, and adventure, in which tales 
 Plupy and Beany, not to be left out, pantingly 
 and gruntingly chipped in with stirring reminis 
 cence, greatly to the amusement and entertain 
 ment of the party, none of whom had ever met 
 the peculiar brand of small boy that Exeter 
 produced. 
 
 Nor had they, accustomed to the wide, shal 
 low, sandy, and of ttimes muddy Western streams, 
 ever seen so beautiful a New England stream : so 
 smooth and deep and winding; so fringed with 
 overhanging alders, willows, silvery birches, and 
 flowering bushes; so shaded with giant pines, 
 grand oaks, spreading beeches, and dark-green 
 spruces and hemlocks; so bordered by lily-pads; 
 so shot with sunshine and flecked with shadows. 
 It was a revelation to them, and they gave the 
 boys highly seasoned narratives much more 
 credit than they deserved, I am afraid. 
 
 At noon they landed at the Eddy picnic 
 grounds, built a fire, unpacked their lunch, and 
 ate it al fresco, and in the afternoon dropped 
 down the winding stream to the boat-landing and
 
 32 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 declared it the pleasantest day they had experi 
 enced in the East, and promised the boys it 
 should be the beginning of a series of like trips; 
 which pleased them exceedingly, especially as 
 they gave them fifty cents to divide among 
 themselves, and complimented them highly on 
 their skillful seamanship and their entertaining 
 conversation. 
 
 The next day they took up a pa^rty of old ladies 
 and gentlemen who were staying at the Squam- 
 scott Hotel and who wished to sail upon a New 
 England stream. These people were from the 
 South, and had been used to the turbid, muddy 
 streams that ran between acres of canebrakes 
 and through lowland wooded with live-oaks and 
 Southern pine, the former festooned and hung 
 with Spanish moss and trailing vines ; and they in 
 their turn were fascinated and delighted with the 
 experience and spoke highly of and to their three 
 guides and boatmen, and with the proverbial 
 generosity of the South gave them fifty cents 
 apiece as largess. 
 
 The next day business was slack and the only 
 benefit they derived from their engagement was a 
 short fishing trip after the possibility of patron 
 age had dwindled to nothing. However, they did 
 not repine, because the next day, Saturday, was 
 the annual picnic of the First Congregational 
 Sunday School, and the boat had been engaged
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 33 
 
 several weeks before for that date, and they 
 reckoned confidently upon a very lucrative 
 employment. "For," as Plupy said, "every old 
 pod will want us to row em up n down the 
 river, n there will be so many who 11 want to go 
 that we ll hafter give em pretty short rides, n 
 of course they ll all wanter pay suthin fer it." 
 
 "Telyer what, fellers," said Beany, baring his 
 plump arm and doubling it up to show the swell 
 ing muscles, which were not at all evident to any 
 eyes but his own, "we ve got a hard day before 
 us to-morrer n Pewt s got to do his share of the 
 rowin stidder sittin in the bow of th boat n 
 yoppin like he s ben doin last two days." 
 
 "Thasso, Beany," said Plupy, with energy; 
 "we fellers ain t goin to pull our arms outer the 
 sockets while Pewt don t do nothin but lie to 
 the folks; that s me every time, old Pewt," he 
 finished by directing his remarks to that able 
 diplomat. 
 
 "Huh," sneered Pewt, "I was willin to do my 
 share of the rowin, only you fellers was so anx 
 ious to show off yer rowin that I thought I d 
 let yer. You wa n t so smart as ye thought." 
 
 "Well, ennyway, you ll do your part to-mor 
 rer," said Beany, with decision. 
 
 In fact they all did. 
 
 The next day was bright and sunny with a 
 light breeze to temper the heat of the sun. The
 
 34 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 boat-landing was thronged at an early hour with 
 old and middle-aged gentlemen in black broad 
 cloth coats, an excellent and appropriate gar 
 ment for a picnic in the open; young gentlemen 
 in yellow linen suits, ladies of uncertain age in 
 black bombazine dresses, younger ones, in cool 
 white, and countless girls and boys in their best 
 clothes, so appropriate for a day in the woods. 
 
 There were baskets, hampers, boxes, pails, and 
 brown-paper parcels; there were haste, hurry, 
 arguments as to precedence, arguments over the 
 capacity and relative stanchness of the boats, 
 loud demands to put "this here" and "that 
 there," hoarse entreaties to "get off my fingers," 
 and queries as to the propriety of sitting down 
 on the squash pie. There were shrieks as timid 
 maidens stepped mincingly into the boats, cries 
 of warning as the boats rocked, and charges to be 
 very careful, interspersed with shouts of "Me 
 next," and "Well, I should say, ain t she mean!" 
 and other sounds of festivity incidental to the 
 embarkation of a Sunday-School picnic. 
 
 The picnic grounds were a mile and a half from 
 the boat-landing and all the boats had to make 
 several trips, and as they raced the entire dis 
 tance each way, the boys were reduced to mere 
 skeletons by the time they landed the last merry 
 maker. Then, and before they were allowed time 
 to recover, they were in constant demand to row
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 35 
 
 parties to this point and to that point, parties 
 who did not pay and seemed to regard them as 
 mere parts of the boat s locomotive machinery, 
 and gave them little rest and no reward. 
 
 Up to this time the only consolation they had 
 derived from the excursion was in contemplat 
 ing the dripping coat-tails of that good deacon, 
 Thomas Edwin Folsom, which, from his seat in 
 the extreme stern of the boat, had been dragging 
 in the water the entire distance from the landing 
 to the picnic grounds. 
 
 They did, however, full justice to the noon 
 time lunch, which was ample, generous, and of 
 such variety that in all probability the vigorous 
 exercise they had taken, and were to take before 
 the close of the day, was the one thing that saved 
 them from that epidemic of stomach-ache that 
 generally follows a Sunday-School picnic. 
 
 After dinner their services were in immediate 
 requisition, and while the young people were 
 shrieking in swings and playing at all sorts of 
 lively games that seemed to call for every variety 
 of hideous how r l and shriek, they again took to 
 their boat and rowed solemn elderly parties up 
 and down the river, and listened to sage and 
 smug reflections over the beauty of the land 
 scape, the river, and nature in general. Did they 
 venture a remark calculated to enliven the excur 
 sion, they were told that they should n t inter-
 
 36 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 rupt their elders, whereupon they became mute 
 and possibly a bit sulky. 
 
 Occasionally they were asked, or rather com 
 manded, to give up their oars to vigorous but 
 unskilled passengers, and there ,vas some enjoy 
 ment in viewing their abortive but powerful 
 efforts to row. That amusement culminated in 
 most unholy glee when the Reverend Thankful 
 Whittaker, a distinguished guest, having caught 
 a crab, fell over backwards with his cloth-booted 
 heels in the air, hitting the Honorable Joshua 
 Robinson, who was trying to keep stroke with 
 him, a severe blow on the nose, and was asked 
 by that sorely stricken and justly but momen 
 tarily irritated gentleman, "what in thunder he 
 was tryin to do?" 
 
 And later on when, under the mistaken zeal of 
 two equally unskillful oarsmen, the boat suddenly 
 grounded on the bank, and a black-coated church 
 member, who was standing up in the boat waving 
 a white handkerchief gracefully to a group of 
 ladies on the bank, was sent heels over head into 
 about six inches of water, mud, lily-pads and 
 pickerel weed, it fully paid for their hard and un- 
 remunerated toil. It was late that evening when 
 they landed their last passenger. They locked 
 the boat to its ring, and limped slowly home 
 ward. Their arms and backs were strained, their 
 hands sore and blistered, their legs so tired that
 
 HEELS OVER HEAD INTO ABOUT SIX INCHES OF WATEK
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 37 
 
 they could scarcely walk, and when they crawled 
 into bed they were almost too tired to think. 
 
 The next day was Sunday and they could rest, 
 and rest they did all day, scarcely stirring from 
 their homes. On Monday they were feeling much 
 better, but were not sorry when evening came 
 without any call for their services. They were 
 somewhat disappointed when they only suc 
 ceeded in getting fifteen cents out of their em 
 ployer for their Saturday s work, but beyond 
 grumbling among themselves, said nothing. 
 
 On Tuesday they had completely recovered, 
 and greatly to their delight took out their beach 
 friends and were rewarded as before. On Wednes 
 day they did the same for their Southern pa 
 trons with suitable emolument, and on Friday 
 another party from the beach came, under the 
 kind recommendation of their first patrons. On 
 Saturday the boat was hired by a party who 
 preferred to do their own rowing, and the boys 
 rather enjoyed their leisure in taking an account 
 of stock and planning for the future. They were 
 very prosperous, and felt that they could slacken 
 the bent bow a bit with profit. 
 
 The next week opened prosperously in the 
 arrival of a party from Rye Beach which came 
 over the road in two very elegant equipages, left 
 them at the Squamscott Hotel stables, and en 
 gaged the boat and the boys. They were quite
 
 38 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 a bit more critical than the other parties, and 
 found fault with the boat, and the heat of the 
 sun, and the mosquitoes, and the ants in the food, 
 and other things that are looked upon as indis 
 pensable to a well-conducted picnic. 
 
 They kept the boys very busy in doing various 
 unnecessary things, at least, so it seemed to 
 the boys ; who although well paid at the close of 
 the engagement, felt that they had more than 
 earned their money. Pewt summed up the opin 
 ion of the boys by saying with profound wisdom, 
 "Some rich folks don t know nothin , nohow. 
 Ain t I right, fellers?" And Plupy and Beany 
 at once indorsed his opinion cordially. 
 
 On Tuesday they took out two parties for two- 
 hour trips which paid them well in cordial appre 
 ciation of their efforts to please and in pecuniary 
 reward, and in the afternoon they were greatly 
 pleased at receiving from the Western friends 
 a note asking them to have the boat ready for 
 them at nine o clock sharp the next morning; 
 that they were to bring a very distinguished 
 friend, a Western gentleman who was very anx 
 ious to view the beauties of the Exeter River 
 and experience the courtesies of the Exeter 
 boys. 
 
 This prospect was so exhilarating to the three 
 boys that they arose betimes or somewhat earlier 
 the next morning and washed, scrubbed, and
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 39 
 
 polished their boat, and made every preparation 
 for the comfort of their guests. 
 
 Promptly at nine they arrived, bubbling over 
 with life and spirits, and bringing with them a 
 very distinguished-looking man of about thirty- 
 five, who was introduced as Colonel Manley, a 
 veteran and commander of a regiment in the 
 Middle West during the late war. The Colonel 
 was affability itself, and shook their hands like 
 another boy and spoke very highly of what he 
 had heard of their courtesy to his friends and of 
 their ability as oarsmen, guides, and fishermen. 
 
 When they arrived at the picnic grounds they 
 grounded their boat, and the Eminent Westerner 
 assisted the ladies up the bank, while the boys 
 followed them, laden with cushions, wraps, and 
 rugs, which they spread out on the smooth coat 
 ing of dry pine needles, around a blackened space 
 overlooking the water, where the camp-fire was 
 generally lighted. Then leaving the supplies in 
 the cuddy of the boat, where the Eminent West 
 erner thought they would be cooler, the boys 
 scoured the pine growth for cones, which they 
 brought in by armfuls, plentifully smearing their 
 hands and clothing with pitch, while their guests 
 commented admiringly on their activity and 
 willingness. Then they cut up a prodigious 
 quantity of dry pine limbs and stumps and 
 kindled a fire, around which the guests sat at a
 
 40 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 safe distance from the heat of the flames and 
 chatted with great satisfaction over the beauties 
 of the woods, the sky, the river, the bright, danc 
 ing flames, and the extreme courtesy of these 
 delightful New England boys, so charming a 
 contrast to the ruder youth of the Middle West, 
 who had, unfortunately, shown so great a need of 
 training in the courtesies of their New England 
 brothers. And as they rattled on, the boys 
 brought water from the clear spring in the bank 
 just above the water-line, filled the kettle, im 
 provised a crane by laying a cross-pole over two 
 crotched-sticks and hung the kettle thereon, piled 
 up wood within easy reach, and did their utmost 
 to make the party comfortable, to deserve their 
 appreciation, and incidentally to earn a generous 
 stipend at the end of the trip. 
 
 And here the Eminent Westerner made a sug 
 gestion that filled them with delight. 
 
 "Look here, boys, I reckon you could n t take 
 the boat out and catch us a mess of red snappers 
 or catfish and dress em for us, could you?" he 
 asked. 
 
 "Red snappers, what s them?" asked Pewt. 
 
 "N catfish, too; I never seen any," said 
 Beany. 
 
 The Eminent Westerner laughed. "Why, red 
 snappers are a very common and delicious fish 
 in the W T estern rivers. The Mississippi is full of
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 41 
 
 them and of catfish. The latter have a skin like 
 an eel, no scales, a wide mouth, and sharp spines 
 in the side fins just back of the head." 
 
 "Oh, I know," said Plupy; "we call em horn- 
 pouts or bull-heads here; they grunt when you 
 catch em, n are the only fish that can do that. 
 But we don t have any red snappers here." 
 
 "We got the red striped perch," said Pewt 
 quickly, jealous of the reputation of the East. 
 
 "N pickerel, n shiners," said Beany. 
 
 "N roach, n eels, n hornpout, busters, 
 some of them," squealed Pewt. 
 
 N suckers, only we don t eat em; only hens 
 n cats n niggers," shouted Plupy. 
 
 "N hogbacks, n trout," roared Pewt. 
 
 "N striped minnies," yelled Beany. 
 
 N bullfrogs," screamed Plupy. 
 
 " N mud-turtles," shouted Pewt and Beany 
 in unison. 
 
 " N - n - - n water snakes," stuttered 
 Plupy. 
 
 Nobody could give any other specimens off 
 hand, and the enumeration ceased. 
 
 "Well," said the Eminent Westerner, laugh 
 ing, "that is a pretty good bill of fare to choose 
 from. How many are good to eat?" 
 
 "All of em except suckers n water snakes," 
 said Pewt. 
 
 "Well, I reckon you can also leave out the
 
 42 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 mud-turtles and bullfrogs, this time, anyway," 
 said the Eminent Westerner. 
 
 "Them s the best of all," said Plupy; "you 
 jest get a old bullfrog off the hook, n ketch him 
 by the hind legs n bang his head over the edge 
 of the boat till he don t kick any more, n then 
 cut off his hind legs n skin em n fry em in 
 butter n meal, n there ain t nothin better in 
 this world." 
 
 "For mercy sakes! Is that the way you do?" 
 said one of the ladies. 
 
 : Yes," said Plupy, mistaking her tone for one 
 of deep admiration; " n sometimes when you 
 give a old bullfrog a slam his stomach will come 
 out wrongside to n a lot of water-snail shells will 
 rattle out all over the boat." 
 
 "Horrible!" said the lady, in disgust. 
 
 "Ho, that ain t nothin ," said Pewt, not to be 
 outdone; "when you ketch a turtle you can 
 build a fire under him n he 11 crawl out of his 
 shell. N there is every sort of meat in him. Fish, 
 n hen, n muskrat." 
 
 " N dove, n steak, n ham, n pig," said 
 Plupy. 
 
 " N calf, n hoss, n squash, n turnip," 
 chimed in Beany. 
 
 " N boiled eggs, n sheep, n muskmelon, n 
 everything else," said Plupy comprehensively; 
 and then stopped in surprise, for the lady had
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 43 
 
 risen and stood looking at him with marked 
 disfavor. 
 
 "Do you mean to say, boys, that you ever 
 did such cruel things to frogs and turtles?" she 
 demanded, with fire in her eyes and indignation 
 ringing in her voice. 
 
 " What, we fellers? " said Plupy, in well-feigned 
 astonishment; "well, I guess not!" He added, 
 "We fellers never did no such things as them. 
 Only the Franklin-Streeters and Nigger-Hill fel 
 lers does them things. I was jest a-tellin yer 
 how they done it, n how mean it was, wa n t 
 I, Pewt?" 
 
 "Yes, course you was. T s meaner n tripe, 
 but them fellers do it every time. They had 
 ought to be arrested," answered that worthy, 
 quickly and to the point. 
 
 "Thasso, Pewt," asserted Beany, with convic 
 tion. 
 
 The fire died out of the lady s eyes and a 
 pleasant smile brightened her solemn face. 
 
 "There, boys, I believe you," she said, with an 
 air of relief. "I know you are gentlemen. Now, go 
 along and fish and don t be gone over an hour." 
 
 Much relieved, the boys ran out their boat, and 
 paddled round the corner and up the stream, 
 baiting their hooks, and looking for likely places 
 where they could try a cast. 
 
 Back on the bluff the party of Westerners lay
 
 44 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 back at ease and chatted as only volatile West 
 ern people, in love with life and enjoying every 
 moment, can chat and laugh. At times they 
 replenished the fire and moved back where they 
 could enjoy the dancing flames without absorb 
 ing any more heat than the sun s rays gave. An 
 hour passed pleasantly. The sun was at the 
 meridian, and from the sleepy village a mile 
 away came the measured toll of the twelve 
 o clock bell chiming the hour of high noon. At 
 the last stroke the mill whistle roared, its hoarse 
 voice mellowed by the distance. 
 
 The Eminent Westerner arose and stretched 
 himself. 
 
 "Twelve o clock," he said, "and I m begin 
 ning to think of dinner-time. Let s see, those 
 boys have been gone an hour. I should think it 
 almost time for them to have caught enough fish. 
 It will take some time to clean and fry them. I 
 think I will call them." 
 
 "No," said another, "wait awhile. Those boys 
 know what they are about and you may be sure 
 they will be back in good season. We can trust 
 them." 
 
 So they waited another half-hour, three quar 
 ters, an hour. The distant bell tolled one, and 
 the mill whistle roared. 
 
 " Is n t it pleasant to know that we can lie here 
 and have no business cares to bother us like those
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 45 
 
 of the working people who have to go back to the 
 shops and factories!" sighed a young blonde, 
 luxuriously lying back against a pile of cushions. 
 
 "Well, I don t know about that," chimed in a 
 black-eyed girl; "the shop people have had their 
 dinners, and we have n t, and I am as hungry as a 
 coyote." 
 
 "That s so," said the Eminent Westerner; 
 "it s about time those boys were back. I ll call 
 them." And he projected a call into the wild that 
 sounded like the bellow of a bull-buffalo. There 
 was no reply. Again he called, and again. 
 
 In the distance a cow lowed, at hand a red 
 squirrel snickered, and these with the splash of a 
 leaping fish were the only sounds heard. A slow 
 color began to steal into the Eminent Westerner s 
 sallow cheeks. 
 
 "I wonder where those young scamps are? It 
 seems to me they ought to know enough to come 
 back to dinner. I never knew a Western boy to 
 be as stupid as that," he said fretfully. 
 
 When the boys rowed around the first bend 
 they made several casts as they went along, but 
 without result, and they had gone nearly half a 
 mile before they got their first bite. This proved 
 to be a fair-sized pickerel which Beany landed, or 
 rather boated. Then Pewt got another bite, but 
 lost the fish.
 
 46 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 A quarter of a mile beyond, Pewt landed a 
 yellow perch weighing three quarters of a pound, 
 a beauty. Then Plupy had a bit of luck and 
 swung a beautiful silvery roach into the boat. 
 
 There are certain days on the river when fish 
 seem to bite well. There seems to be no reason 
 for this. Sometimes it is hot, sometimes cool; 
 sometimes rainy, sometimes fair. It seems to be 
 like luck in a game of chance. As gamblers say, 
 follow your luck. Fishermen are gamblers, none 
 more so; and these boys felt instinctively that 
 this was a fish day and that luck was with them, 
 and they determined to show these delightful but 
 benighted Westerners what a string of Eastern 
 fish was like. This was an honest, zealous, high- 
 minded, and locally patriotic intention, but be 
 fore they had proceeded far they had entirely 
 forgotten all about their guests. 
 
 On they went, loudly cheering each lucky 
 catch, wild with excitement; "darning their 
 luck," with all manner of homely and ludicrous 
 expletives, when a hooked fish wriggled off just 
 before they got their eager hands on it; "ouch"- 
 ing with vigor when a sharp spine or a barbed 
 hook pinched their fingers; calling loudly for 
 bait, and wondering "where in time that half 
 minny went. " 
 
 "Gimme a strip off th belly of that roach?" 
 asked Pewt of Plupy.
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 47 
 
 "Huh! I guess not; take the belly of your own 
 fish. I ain t goin ter spoil that one," sneered 
 Plupy. 
 
 "Whatcher steppin on my perch for?" yelled 
 Beany, as Pewt, in trying to jump from one seat 
 to another, smashed the head of one of Beany s 
 fish to a jelly. 
 
 But in spite of minor misfortunes, they were 
 having unheard-of luck, and each one s string 
 was growing. Already they were more than two 
 miles from the picnic party, the members of 
 which were in a starving condition, and judging 
 from their actions and language were very un 
 reconciled, not to say rebellious, over their fate. 
 Again and again the Eminent Westerner sent his 
 big voice echoing over the fields and through the 
 woods. Again and again the weaker members 
 sent high and shrill soprano calls soaring afar, 
 but the boys heard nothing. Nor could they be 
 heard, for they were too far away and behind a 
 rise in the land where the river crept between two 
 wooded hills. 
 
 It was now three o clock. Back at the pic 
 nic grounds a party of hungry, starving, furious 
 Western people, but lately care-free and happy, 
 were discussing what they would do to these 
 miserable rascals, these infernal little street 
 Arabs, these designing little thieves, these inhu 
 man wretches who had so taken advantage of
 
 48 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 their kindness and whom they had loaded with 
 favors. 
 
 One lady had suspected it from the first. She 
 had seen something shifty and evasive in their 
 eyes, something furtive and treacherous in their 
 evil little faces, and had thought at that time 
 that they were taking great chances with the 
 wretches. 
 
 Another said she had always been told that one 
 could not trust a New England boy, that they 
 were the most unreliable set in America. For her 
 part, give her a good, honest, homely Western 
 boy, reliable and honest, dependable and clear- 
 eyed. 
 
 Three o clock had come and gone. The Emi 
 nent Westerner, with murder in his heart and 
 blasphemy upon his lips, had made short excur 
 sions up the river to no purpose. Four o clock 
 struck in the distant village. Already the shad 
 ows were creeping eastward. Half -past four, and 
 the tinkle of the cowbell on old Speckle Face, the 
 leader of the Gilman herd, sounded supper-like as 
 she led her followers toward the road. 
 
 The party, gathering up cushions and blankets, 
 followed. They knew not the country, but the 
 Eminent Westerner knew cows. They will lead 
 us somewhere," he said; "and when I catch those 
 infernal boys - he gritted his teeth and 
 clenched his hand meaningly.
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 49 
 
 Far away Plupy was skipping for pickerel in 
 a likely reach of smooth water, bordered with 
 green lily-pads. Suddenly a thought struck him 
 that made him feel very sick. His jaw dropped, 
 as did his fishpole with a splash. 
 
 "Whatcher doin that for, scarin my fish?" 
 remonstrated Pewt. 
 
 " Gee-snicketty ! " gasped Plupy ; " what s be 
 come of our picnic party?" 
 
 "Gosh!" yelled Pewt, giving a convulsive 
 start. 
 
 " Timenation ! " shouted Beany, nearly falling 
 out of the boat at the horror of the sudden 
 recollection. 
 
 For a moment the three boys stood paralyzed 
 with dismay, and then were galvanized to sud 
 den action. They snatched their lines out of the 
 water, not even stopping to unhook a flapping 
 fish. Beany and Plupy grasped the oars, Pewt 
 slammed himself into the stern seat and grasped 
 the tiller lines. "Row like time, fellers," he 
 urged, and away they went down the river leav 
 ing a wash of bubbles and a trail of swirls in the 
 torn surface of the water. Pewt cut corners like 
 the cockswain of a varsity eight and yelled 
 encouragement to the rowers. 
 
 After ten minutes of furious straining Beany 
 blew up. "Take my place, Pewt. I m tuckered 
 out," he gasped. Pewt squirmed into place so
 
 50 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 quickly that scarcely a stroke was lost as he 
 swung into time with Plupy, and Beany seated 
 himself, panting, in the stern and the purple 
 began to fade out of his chubby countenance. 
 
 Then Plupy, after a few minutes more, ex 
 changed with Beany. In this way they ran the 
 boat at full speed until they reached the picnic 
 grounds, spurting frantically at the home stretch 
 to show the picnickers that they were doing their 
 utmost for their guests. 
 
 Alas, the grounds were empty. They grounded 
 the boat and staggered up the steep bank. The 
 fire still smouldered, but the kettle was gone. So 
 were the wraps, the cushions, and everything else 
 belonging to the picnickers, except their elabo 
 rate lunch which was in the cuddy of the boat. 
 The boys felt sick. Somewhere on the country 
 road were a party of starving, furious, outraged 
 Westerners, deserted by their guides, their boat 
 men, their pilots, and hunting for their employer. 
 Perhaps before this they had found him. 
 
 Gosh! and again Gosh! Gee-snicketty ! and 
 likewise, By Time! There was but one thing to 
 do, and that was to get there first. Down the 
 bank they tumbled and into the boat, pushed off, 
 and away they went at their best speed. Prob 
 ably that boat never made the trip from the 
 "Eddy" to the foot of South Street in quicker 
 time, The boys were light, good oarsmen, knew
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 51 
 
 the river, and were nerved to their utmost by 
 their desperate need, and the old boat had a bone 
 in its mouth for the entire distance. 
 
 When they arrived they sprang out, fastened 
 the boat, and started, as fast as their exhausted 
 condition would admit, for Simpson s store. Joy ! 
 they were in time. Simpson was dozing at the 
 back of his store when their abrupt and hurried 
 entrance awoke him. Breathlessly they told their 
 story. How the Eminent Westerner had fairly 
 driven them to go fishing. How they had obeyed, 
 although they thought it was a queer thing for 
 him to do. How he had told them not to come 
 back until they had got a good string of fish, and 
 how they had been obliged to go way up the 
 river before they got a bite, and then they had to 
 go farther up-river before they struck a good 
 place, and when they did it took a good while to 
 get enough fish so that he would n t be mad when 
 they came back; and how they rowed back as 
 soon as they got enough fish, to find the party 
 gone without paying for the boat or them for 
 their work. How they had cut wood and built a 
 fire and got pine cones and brought water and 
 worked like niggers for them. 
 
 Simpson was impressed with their story. He 
 was indignant at the way in which they had been 
 treated. For his part he had always been mighty 
 suspicious of those beach people, and if they
 
 52 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 thought because he was a countryman they 
 could hire his boat and leave without paying for 
 it well, he guessed not! he guessed not! and 
 to aid his guesswork he made use of stronger 
 language. Just as soon as his clerk came back 
 for supper he would see about it. How did the 
 people come to Exeter? In a wagon drawn by a 
 pair of blacks? Yes. Well, he had n t seen them 
 go by unless they went through Bow and Clifford 
 Streets. It would be just like them to do it. 
 They were mean enough. 
 
 In their hearts the boys fervently hoped they 
 had. They did not want to meet them. They 
 dreaded an explanation that involved cross- 
 examination. They preferred to make this an 
 ex-parte case. And they were half dead with 
 fatigue and hunger and wanted to go home. But 
 Simpson would not have it. They must wait. 
 And wait they did, for hours as it seemed to the 
 boys. In reality about a half-hour, at the end of 
 which up whirled a three-seated wagon drawn by 
 a stylish pair and driven by the Eminent West 
 erner. The light of battle gleamed in Simpson s 
 eye, as it did in the eye of the Eminent West 
 erner. 
 
 He leaped from the wagon and proceeded to 
 curl Mr. Simpson s hair with one of the most 
 ornate dressings-down that gentleman had ever 
 received. He pictured the boys as un jailed
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 53 
 
 scamps, as unhanged rogues. He fairly crumpled 
 them up with his fiery eloquence. 
 
 Mr. Simpson s eyes lost their fire. He became 
 deprecatory and then apologetic. He promised 
 to suitably punish the boys and to properly 
 amend his business methods. The Eminent 
 Westerner became calmer. He and his party had 
 just made a most satisfying repast at the boat- 
 landing where they had found their lunch intact. 
 He paid Simpson s bill, omitting any gratuity to 
 the boys. Then he sprang to his team, flourished 
 the whip, and was off. He would never come 
 again. Never! Simpson knew that, and he 
 turned menacingly to the boys. But too late, for 
 as he turned, they shot out of the shop like rats 
 escaping from a cage. He followed, but to no 
 purpose. He was a plump citizen and was not 
 fleet of foot. They were. He had been paid and 
 had supped. They were not and had not. What 
 was the use? What, indeed? and he let them go. 
 
 And what was the use of trying to do well when 
 people would treat "fellers so mean"? demanded 
 Plupy in some heat. He would never w T ork again; 
 nor would Pewt; nor would Beany. And to think 
 that them Western people had "et" up all that 
 dinner. It was tough ! tough ! And the boys were 
 starving and their backs were "broke." Gosh!
 
 Ill 
 
 THE FAILURE OF THE BIL POASTERS COMPANY 
 
 THE unfortunate ending of the boy s venture 
 into journalism, while adding to their somewhat 
 unsavory reputation, left them in a fairly pros 
 perous condition. They had money in their 
 purses, or rather pockets, and being of a highly 
 convivial and fairly generous disposition were 
 very popular with their boy and girl friends as 
 long as their money lasted. 
 
 This was not long, however, for riches are ever 
 prone to take wings, and nothing that the boys 
 did in those days had any tendency to clip or 
 shorten the growth of these wings, and very 
 shortly and after a meteoric career of extrava 
 gance the boys found themselves "broke." 
 More than this, their financial affairs were ap 
 proaching a more serious crisis than they had 
 ever faced. 
 
 The ease with which they had made their 
 money, and the happy-go-lucky way they had 
 spent it, had made them so careless and improvi 
 dent in their expenditures that they had incurred 
 a listed indebtedness of several dollars before 
 they were brought to their senses by a stern 
 demand for a cash payment.
 
 55 
 
 Very much disturbed in their minds, they held 
 a conference in the paint shop of Pewt s father, 
 while that highly gifted artist was engaged in 
 painting Fatty s barn a highly inflamed and 
 hectic red. 
 
 "Gosh! fellers," said Plupy, trying a paint 
 brush against a much-smeared door, "suthin s 
 gotter be done. I owe old Polly Colket eighty-six 
 cents for juju paste n taffy on a stick, n old Si 
 Smith mos fifty cents for gooseberries n cocoa- 
 nuts n striped candy, n Charles Folsom twenty- 
 five cents for five pipes. I dono what in timena- 
 tion to do. If father finds it out he ll larrup time 
 outer me." 
 
 "I m worse offen you," said Beany. "I hired a 
 horse n buggy of Major Blake n it cost me two 
 dollars. Then I owe old Si thirty cents, n Hen 
 Simpson fifty cents for his boat. The old man 
 said he would shake my liver out if I ever ran up 
 a bill anywhere. Hope the old man don t go into 
 Major s hotel." 
 
 "Huh! you fellers ain t smart," said Pewt. 
 "All I owe is just twenty-five cents. You hed 
 oughter charged it to your big brother, like I 
 did." 
 
 "I ain t got any big brother," said Plupy. 
 
 "I have," said Beany, "but I did n t dass to do 
 that. Jim would ha put a tin ear on me if I done 
 anything like that."
 
 56 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "Well, my brother licks me, ennyway, and I 
 gotter square up with him some way," opined 
 Pewt; "when a feller gives another feller a bat on 
 the head whenever he feels like it, the other feller 
 has got to do somethin more about it than mak- 
 in him fall into the swill-tub." 
 
 "Didjer make him do that?" asked Plupy, in 
 delight. 
 
 ; You bet," said Pewt; " n he went right in 
 head first, n got bout a quart of swill up each 
 sleeve of his coat." 
 
 "Did he lick yer?" demanded Beany. 
 
 "Naw. I wasn t there. Fatty Melcher was 
 there n Skinny Bruce, n he licked Fatty n 
 rubbed swill all over Skinny s face n down his 
 neck. He thought they done it." 
 
 : Where were you? " asked Plupy, with glisten 
 ing eyes. 
 
 "I was behind Moulton s barn peepin through 
 the lilac bushes. I tell you, it was fine to hear 
 Fatty holler n see Skinny spit. They both said 
 they did n t put the tub there, but he would n t 
 believe em." 
 
 "Well," said Plupy philosophically, "when a 
 feller falls into a swill-tub, or hits his head against 
 a door, or sits on a table n somebody pulls up 
 the end leaf, or sits on a tack, he has got to paste 
 somebody right off in order to feel anywhere near 
 right."
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 57 
 
 There was a pause for a moment while each 
 boy grinned reminiscently ; then depression set 
 tled down on the trio as the desperate condition 
 of their affairs forced itself upon them. 
 
 "Well, fellers," said Plupy, at last, "whatjer 
 goin to do about it?" 
 
 "Lessee," said Beany; "can t we get a job 
 washin wagons for Major Blake or Levi Towle? " 
 
 "Naw," said Pewt; "they don t pay nothin . 
 They jest make you wash a wagon n then they let 
 you ride on a hack to the station, or take a horse 
 round to the hotel. Th ain t no money in that." 
 
 " S past alewife time, too," sighed Plupy. 
 
 "What ifitis?" sneered Beany; "after you got 
 soppin wet n p r aps got a crack over the head 
 from somebody at hit you stid er the fish, you 
 can t get nobody to buy the fish even for hens." 
 
 "Well, ennyway, it was fun to slosh round n 
 spatter the other fellers, n if we did n t get any 
 thing out of the fish, we had fun pluggin em at 
 people. Do you remember the time that stewd- 
 cat [Academy student] came down with a stove 
 pipe hat, I had an ole lounder of an alewife n 
 I waited in the alley between Dan Ranlet s n 
 Josh Getchell s store. I could hear him comin 
 right along steppin fast, n then I saw his 
 shadow ahead of him n I swung that fish round 
 my head n let her ding jest as hard as I could, 
 n whadduyou think? Old Jerry Bragdon come
 
 58 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 along jest in time to get that old fish bang 
 right in the ear. It was Jerry that came along stid- 
 der the stewdcat. It nearly knocked his old bald 
 head off. I was so s prised that I stood there like 
 a lunatic until he saw me. Gosh ! you had ought 
 to a heard him swear, n chase me; but I got 
 away that time, n he went over to Comical 
 Brown s mother n told her that Com did it, n 
 she kep him in the yard a week. I used to get 
 Com mad after that by singin The feller that 
 looks like me. 
 
 Oh, would n t I like to catch him, 
 
 Wherever he may be; 
 Oh, would n t I give him particular fits, 
 That feller who looks like me. " 
 
 And Plupy roared and doubled up like a gigantic 
 daddylonglegs. 
 
 "Aw, come on now, fellers, lessee if we can 
 think up any way to earn some dosh. If we don t 
 think of somethin , we fellers has got to go to 
 work," said Pewt. 
 
 "The gardens is all made n it ain t time to dig 
 potatoes or pick apples," said Beany. 
 
 "We might saw some wood," suggested Pewt 
 doubtfully. 
 
 "I guess not much," said Plupy, with warmth. 
 "I get enough of that at home, n enough split- 
 tin , too. I d rather go to jail than saw wood, 
 ennyway."
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 59 
 
 "We might try to sell papers," said Beany. 
 
 "Not if I know myself," shouted Pewt and 
 Plupy in unison; "we got enough of the paper 
 business when we published The Lambaster." 
 
 "Anyhow, it was a good paper," said Beany; 
 " n it would ha went all right if the people 
 had n t got mad; but now we ve gotter try 
 somethin else, I guess." 
 
 "Say, fellers," chimed in Beany, "didjer hear 
 bout old LemTasker?" 
 
 "Aw! course I did! why doncher tell us some- 
 thin* new?" said Plupy, w T ith scorn. 
 
 "Well, f you know so much, you better tell 
 it," said Beany. 
 
 " He got sent to jail fer stealin ," asserted Plupy. 
 
 "Ho! Ho! stealin ," jeered Beany. "Plupy 
 thought he knew it all; stealin , huh!" 
 
 "Well, I know, ennyway," sneered Plupy, "I 
 was only coddin you." 
 
 "Well, if you know, tell us; just tell us, that s 
 all; I stump yer!" shrieked Beany, snapping his 
 fingers in Plupy s face. 
 
 "Aw, now, I can if I wanter," replied Plupy 
 stubbornly. 
 
 "Stealin ! Ho! Ho!" said Beany. "Old Lem 
 fell downstairs n broke his alimentary canal." 
 
 "Haw! I guess I knew that fore you did," 
 said Plupy. "Ennyway, it was n t his alimentary 
 canal. Th ain t no such thing."
 
 60 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "T is, too," said Pewt; "that is a part of a 
 feller, one of the bones of his leg." 
 
 "Huh! bone of his grandmother," sneered 
 Plupy; "call a bone a canal, -- huh!" 
 
 "They call it a canal, because it is holler like a 
 holler tree, that s why they call it a canal," said 
 Beany ; " ennyway, ole Lem Tasker fell downstairs 
 n broke his alimentary canal, n I can back it 
 up," said Beany belligerently. 
 
 "Who will they get to post bills now?" said 
 Pewt thoughtfully. 
 
 "Gosh!" they all exclaimed, as one thought 
 struck them, "less we do it." 
 
 This was providential ; it almost seemed as if 
 
 a special providence had interfered to ward off 
 
 certain bankruptcy, exposure, disgrace, and 
 
 worse yet, for disgrace sat lightly upon them, 
 
 - condign punishment. 
 
 In a moment they resolved themselves into 
 a committee of the whole acting as a ways and 
 means committee, and almost before a legislative 
 body could have elected a chairman and have 
 proceeded into executive session, the boys had 
 laid many and far-sighted plans that bade fair to 
 revolutionize the science of bill-posting. Pewt, 
 who had inherited the paternal talent for sign- 
 painting, was to prepare the company sign forth 
 with; Beany, whose father had reduced the art 
 of paper-hanging and the manufacture of flour
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 61 
 
 paste to a scientific practicality, was deputized 
 to purloin or otherwise acquire from the paternal 
 stock in trade a sufficient amount of paste to 
 withstand any demand that the business might 
 make; Plupy, whose father had once been a 
 harness-maker and had added the gentle art of 
 Carriage-trimming to his repertoire, was com 
 manded to appropriate several tack-hammers 
 and a practically unlimited supply of tacks. 
 Their headquarters was to be in Plupy s barn, 
 the absence of his father in Boston during the 
 daytime lending security both to the business 
 venture and to the accumulation of the hardware. 
 These arrangements made, the boys bestirred 
 themselves briskly, and by night the headquar 
 ters were in occupation, and this most lurid and 
 descriptive sign held a commanding position on 
 the side of the barn nearest the street: 
 
 PuriNTON, SHUTE AND WATSON 
 
 BiL POASTERS 
 
 BiLS FOR SHOWS, CircusES, OXLANS, WEoiNgs 
 FuNeraLs, BCITHS, DETHS & aLL orner 
 FESxivvmse POASTED aT LOCST prices 
 No Gob TWO Laroe & NONE TWO smaL 
 
 It was evident that Pewt had concentrated his 
 undeniable talent for composition and painting 
 on this opus, and the result was doubly gratifying
 
 62 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 to the public and the partners, and particularly 
 to the latter, as almost immediately old Mr. 
 Elkins, the auctioneer, catching sight of the 
 gaudy announcement, pulled up his old roan 
 horse and came limping into the yard, and in a 
 very short time had made a contract with the 
 boys for the "poasting" of fifty auction bills and 
 the distribution of several hundred flyers at a 
 fairly remunerative price. So the boys started 
 out with great enthusiasm, and in a very short 
 time had defiled the face of nature with hideous 
 notices of a public vendue, and had scattered 
 handbills over the entire community. 
 
 The next day business was dull, as it was on 
 the day following, and the spirits of the boys 
 became correspondingly low. On the third day 
 the advance agent of Morris Bros . Minstrels 
 came to town and promptly engaged the boys 
 to assist in the distribution and publication of 
 highly colored prints. For this, however, they 
 received no money, but satisfactory credentials 
 for admission to the hall, which delighted them 
 beyond measure; for, as Plupy said, "if the feller 
 had paid them in money they would have had to 
 pay the men they owed, but as long as he gave 
 them tickets, nobody could blame them for 
 going to the show." 
 
 The day after this the Baptist Church issued 
 notices for an oyster supper to which the public
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 63 
 
 was invited upon a twenty-five cents per capita 
 basis, and the services of the firm were solicited 
 for the proper dissemination of the knowledge. 
 But when, after spending the greater part of a 
 day in distributing bills, during which Pewt had 
 received a black eye in a fight with a Green- 
 Street boy, on whose shed he had essayed to 
 post a bill, Beany had been bitten by a dog on 
 South Street which disputed his right to fire a 
 tightly wadded bundle of bills in a window, and 
 Plupy had had his ears soundly boxed by an 
 irate lady w^hose baby he had awaked by hoarsely 
 hawking the contents of the bills into her window, 
 the boys were very indignant on learning that the 
 only compensation they were to receive was in 
 the shape of a limited whack at the refreshments, 
 and they did not like oysters. A very acrimo 
 nious dispute with the committee in charge re 
 sulted in a cash compromise only when the boys 
 declared they would go over their route again and 
 tell everybody that the date had been changed. 
 And so for a few weeks, business was good. 
 The firm worked faithfully in posting bills for 
 sheriff s sales, real estate transactions, oyster 
 suppers, notices that somebody s wife had left 
 his bed and board and that somebody forbade 
 the public from trusting her on his account and 
 that somebody would not pay any bills of her 
 contracting, or that somebody else had given his
 
 64 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 son or daughter his, her, or its time to act and 
 trade for his, her, or itself, and that somebody 
 would no longer pay any bills on his, her, or its ac 
 count, and other important documents of a legal 
 nature. In this way they gradually accumulated 
 money enough to pay one hundred cents on a dol 
 lar to their creditors, and their financial future 
 looked very bright. While money did not flow into 
 their coffers in a stream, there was nevertheless 
 a very gratifying trickle in their direction and 
 they began to plan for substantial bank accounts. 
 
 At about this time the opportunity for a finan 
 cial stroke occurred, that crisis when Fortune 
 knocks at one s door, that happy tide in the 
 affairs of men which, taken at its flood, leads on 
 to victory : a circus was to come to town. 
 
 At the time of the arrival of the advance 
 agent the reputation of the boys for prompt and 
 satisfactory work was so well established that it 
 came to his ears, and he promptly called upon 
 them and engaged their services; and the next 
 day they had the inexpressible delight of riding 
 around the town on the gayly painted advertising 
 van and of assisting in the affixing of magnificent 
 lithographs to barns, outbuildings, fences, and 
 billboards, for which they received tickets to 
 both afternoon and evening performances and a 
 promise to lead or drive a pony in the parade. 
 
 In addition to this a special agreement was
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 65 
 
 made by which a number of expecially fine litho 
 graphs were left with them to be posted the 
 night before the great day, to appear to the 
 dazzled eyes of the public on the morning of 
 the parade. For these services the boys were to 
 receive one dollar each, upon the condition that 
 the pictures were to be posted in unusual and 
 particularly appropriate places, where they would 
 attract unusual attention from their unexpected 
 positions. The agent s idea, which he carefully 
 explained to the boys, was that the art of adver 
 tising was in attracting the attention of the pub 
 lic: that is to say, a picture of a hippopotamus 
 as the Behemoth of Holy Writ would be more 
 likely to attract attention if posted on some 
 house of worship than on some barn or outbuild 
 ing, and he added several other fitting illustra 
 tions. The boys were very quick to comprehend 
 his ideas and expressed their confidence in their 
 ability to earn their money. And when the agent 
 left town he made them sinfully proud by telling 
 them they were about the gamest young sports 
 he had ever met. 
 
 During the week or ten days before the arrival 
 of the circus the boys conferred often and weight 
 ily in regard to the appropriateness of certain 
 places to serve as billboards, and outlined a plan 
 of activity that should fairly electrify the citizens 
 and win them fame and their dollar each.
 
 66 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 In the mean time they did not neglect their 
 business, but executed what "Gobs" were given 
 them, whether "larg or smal." In this way they 
 turned many an honest penny, but nothing in 
 the nature of a bonanza. 
 
 The prospect of a circus attracted much less 
 interest among the citizens than usual on account 
 of several matters of local interest which had 
 transpired. The wife of a very prominent citizen 
 had given birth to triplets ; the different factions 
 in the Baptist Church, known derisively as the 
 "Hard Shells" and the "Soft Shells," were in the 
 midst of a most desperate church fight which was 
 to culminate in a meeting on the very night of 
 the circus; the Congregational Church had dis 
 missed its pastor and engaged a new man, an 
 extremely fat and rather prosaic, not to say 
 stupid, gentleman of enormous girth, immense 
 weight, and a prodigious voice; the chairman of 
 the Board of Selectmen had inadvertently set 
 fire to his whiskers by the explosion of an oil 
 lamp, and had not only damaged them seriously, 
 but had scorched a curious and disfiguring twist 
 into his countenance which made him the most 
 ridiculous caricature ever imagined; serious 
 trouble had arisen over the removal of several 
 bodies from the old cemetery by the Trustees, 
 who had been threatened with criminal prosecu 
 tion by some of the relatives of the deceased ; and
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 67 
 
 the ordinarily quiet town was in a whirl of excite 
 ment. Naturally the acrid discussion of these 
 matters had come to the notice of the members 
 of the firm, who kept tally on whatever occurred 
 in the little town of Exeter, and quite naturally 
 sought to utilize it in whatever way might turn 
 to their profit and convenience. 
 
 The night before the arrival of the circus was 
 overcast, but in the season of full moon, so that, 
 while light enough for the purpose of posting 
 bills, it was dark enough to enable them to do it 
 unperceived. Especially was this the case in the 
 good little town, for the worthy citizens were 
 addicted to early hours, and retired betimes, and 
 as the firm had arranged matters so as to spend 
 the greater part of the night in the open by the 
 simple expedient of Beany obtaining permission 
 of his parents to spend the night with Plupy, 
 Pewt ditto with Beany, and Plupy likewise with 
 Pewt, they prepared for a long and hard eve 
 ning s work, and at about eleven o clock, when 
 the world was quietly sleeping, they silently stole 
 forth, laden with lithographs, paste, and brushes, 
 and did their deadly work. 
 
 What was the amusement, horror, delight, 
 consternation, glee, and anger of the citizens, 
 arising early to welcome the circus, to find front 
 doors, bay windows, and immaculately painted 
 walls of many of the houses thickly pasted with
 
 68 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 circus literature, and to see upon the walls of the 
 warlike church edifice the legend in scarlet letters 
 two feet long 
 
 CIRCUS TO-NIGHT! 
 COME ONE! COME ALL! 
 
 - to see upon the white painted cottage where 
 dwelt the happy mother of the triplets a much 
 more than life-size figure of a stork with the 
 words - 
 
 THE SECRET OF AMERICAN PROSPERITY 
 ON EXHIBITION IN THE BIG TENT 
 
 beneath which Pewt had neatly painted 
 THERE is LUK IN OD NUMBERS. 
 
 What was the anger of the new pastor of the 
 First Congregational Church to find hermetically 
 sealed to the front wall of the parsonage an 
 immense parti-colored picture of an enormous 
 slate-colored hippopotamus, with huge, gaping, 
 cavernous jaws of vivid crimson and the 
 words
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 69 
 
 COME AND SEE 
 
 THE GIGANTIC HIPPOPOTAMUS 
 THE .BEHEMOTH OF HOLY WRIT, 
 
 THE LARGEST, THE FATTEST, THE MOST 
 COLOSSAL, AND THE STUPIDEST QUAD 
 RUPED IN THE FOUR QUARTERS OF 
 EARTH S GRAND PALLADIUM. 
 
 COME AND HEAR HIM ROAR! 
 
 It would be dreadful to write down what the 
 Chairman of the Board of Selectmen said when 
 his horrified eyes fell on the immense picture of a 
 freak, looking strangely like him and inscribed in 
 lurid letters as 
 
 JO-JO, THE DOG-FACED MAN 
 
 A CROSS BETWEEN A KAFFIR WOMAN AND 
 
 THE HUGE BABOON OR MAN MONKEY 
 
 OF CENTRAL AFRICA 
 
 DISPLAYS AN ALMOST HUMAN INTELLIGENCE 
 
 ON EXHIBITION IN THE BIG TENT. 
 
 TO-NIGHT ! TO-NIGHT ! 
 
 ALL COME AND COME A-RUNNIN ! 
 
 The Trustees of the Cemetery, all reputable 
 and conservative citizens, broke a lifetime of wise 
 conservatism in speech and manners when they
 
 70 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 lapsed into horrid profanity as their startled eyes 
 gazed upon an immense hyena robbing a grave 
 of its dead, and below, these explanatory words 
 
 THE HIDEOUS LAUGHING HYENA, 
 
 THE GRAVE-ROBBER, WHICH BY 
 STEALTH DESCENDS INTO THE GRAVE 
 YARDS AT NIGHT AND RIFLES THEIR 
 CONTENTS FOR ITS GRUESOME AND 
 REVOLTING REPAST. 
 
 ON EXHIBITION IN THE BIG TENT. 
 TO-NIGHT ! TO-NIGHT ! 
 
 The deep and hearty maledictions of Mr. 
 Simeon Flanders, an extremely hirsute gentle 
 man with an enormous flat nose, were almost 
 excusable, when his irate glances perceived upon 
 his front door a picture of a shaggy animal with a 
 broad flat beak heralded by letters of great size as 
 
 THE DUCK-BILLED PLATIPUS, 
 
 THE MOST MARVELOUS CREATION IN THE 
 FAUNA OF AUSTRALIA. 
 
 ON EXHIBITION IN THE BIG TENT 
 THE ONLY SPECIMEN IN CAPTIVITY.
 
 THE HEARTY MALEDICTIONS OF MR. SIMEON FLANDERS
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 71 
 
 At once these outraged citizens declared war 
 against the proprietor of the circus, and before 
 the parade was in readiness the entire outfit was 
 attached for libel in more than a dozen suits, and 
 the proprietor, a muscular gentleman with an 
 immense black mustache, was diplomatically 
 endeavoring to settle the actions with compli 
 mentary tickets to the families of the plaintiffs. 
 When the offending boys were brought into his 
 presence, it required the united efforts of the 
 sheriff and the entire police force to keep him 
 from doing violence to them. 
 
 Poor boys. It was a bitter morning for them, 
 and when, after the actions had been satisfac 
 torily settled, and they from their confinement in 
 their beds heard the blare of the band, the shrill 
 trumpeting of the elephant, and the various 
 sounds of the parade, and realized that they were 
 out of it all, they were very bitter and unresigned. 
 
 The afternoon performance was crowded to 
 the ring, owing to the success of the boys as 
 advertising agents; and when at about seven 
 o clock the proprietor, driving a team of calico 
 ponies, stopped and personally interviewed the 
 parents of Plupy, Beany, and Pewt, and success 
 fully secured their release from captivity, and 
 took them in his own team to the big tent where 
 they occupied reserved seats, they decided that 
 the world was a pleasant place, after all.
 
 72 MISADVENTURES 
 
 But their fathers, fearing unexpected develop 
 ments in the future, laid an embargo upon the 
 business of the firm, which later passed into the 
 hands of Old Lem Tasker, who had providen 
 tially and very miraculously recovered from the 
 debility caused by the fracture of his " alimen 
 tary canal."
 
 IV 
 
 PURVEYORS OF LITERATURE 
 
 IN the days before the introduction of tele 
 phones, teleposts, Marconis, and other speed- 
 limit violations, the medium for the dissemina 
 tion of knowledge in the country town was the 
 weekly paper. 
 
 To be sure, in the thriving village of Exeter, 
 which owed no small part of its reputation to its 
 sole newspaper, a large percentage of its reading 
 public welcomed the weekly visits of the "Fire 
 side Companion" and the "New York Ledger." 
 "Godey s Lady s Book," which to the uniniti 
 ated served to present little beyond page after 
 page of illustrations of underwear with descrip 
 tive literature of the same, had its quota of sub 
 scribers among the women and the proprietors of 
 the dry-goods stores, I had almost said "em 
 poriums," but the word was not then in common 
 use. A few citizens who wielded financial influ 
 ence took a Boston paper, and discoursed weight 
 ily over its stock quotations and of matters of 
 national importance. 
 
 But to the very large majority of its citizens, 
 the Exeter "News Letter" was the Referee, the 
 Umpire, the Arbiter Elegantiarum, the Literary
 
 74 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 Oracle, the Compendium of Useful Knowledge, 
 the Social Register, the Mrs. Grundy, the Court 
 of Last Resort. Did a citizen desire to know the 
 particular moment at w T hich the tide turned, or 
 the moon quartered or gibbered or did things 
 that moons are supposed to do, it was to the 
 " Column of Scientific Knowledge " of the " News 
 Letter" that he turned, in preference to the "Old 
 Farmers Almanac." 
 
 Did a citizeness entertain grave doubts of the 
 precise amount of allspice necessary to the per 
 fect concoction of a pandowdy, the "House 
 wife s Receipt Department" furnished just the 
 required information. Did a politician wish to 
 nail a political lie or scarify a political opponent, 
 it was to the "News Letter" he turned for proof 
 positive of that politician s previous political 
 utterances. Did a question arise as to the precise 
 date of the birth of a child, the death of a person, 
 a marriage, an elopement, the painting of a barn, 
 the building of a house, the choking of a cow with 
 an apple, the laying of an immense egg, the first 
 crocus in spring or the last dandelion in the fall, 
 the first skimming-over of the river or the de 
 parture of the ice, the advent of the bluebird or 
 robin, the passage of wild geese, the extremes 
 of heat and cold as recorded at the residence of 
 our genial townsman Mr. Eli Perkins Blank, the 
 advent of a two-headed calf, a chicken with four
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 75 
 
 legs or a cat with two tails, proof of the same was 
 at hand in the fertile and accurate columns of the 
 " News Letter." 
 
 Then again the paper had cultivated a most 
 courteous and felicitous style of heralding events 
 that made its personals an unfailing delight. 
 Was a child born in the family of Bill Ricketts, 
 an event by no means uncommon, and of no 
 particular importance to the public, that gifted 
 paper made an epic of the occurrence by stating : 
 "Our genial townsman, Mr. William Ricketts, 
 Esq., and his fair helpmeet, Rehannah Apphia 
 Ricketts, formerly the brilliant Miss Baggs, of 
 Poplin Corner, were heart-gladdened by the 
 arrival of a nine-pound visitor on Wednesday 
 evening of this week, their seventeenth." As 
 a result Bill, I beg pardon, Mr. William 
 Ricketts, Esq., bought fifty papers and sent 
 them, marked, to his friends. 
 
 Did Jake Caswell s wife s mother, the most 
 cantankerous old frump in the county, arrive at 
 Jake s modest dwelling and proceed to raise hob 
 with its management and traditions, the "News 
 Letter" took pains to announce that "Mrs. 
 Vixanna Croper is spending the summer with her 
 son-in-law, Mr. Jacob Caswell, our enterprising 
 janitor of the town hall, and his estimable wife, 
 who are deriving no small enjoyment from her 
 sojourn."
 
 76 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 Was there a funeral, a complete list of the 
 donors of "floral tributes" was given, and any 
 omission or error was duly corrected in the next 
 publication, all of which called for heavy pur 
 chase of papers. 
 
 Indeed, so necessary was this remarkable paper 
 to the people of the town and the surrounding 
 villages, that Friday, the day of publication, 
 came to be looked upon as a sort of half -holiday, 
 in which business was practically suspended 
 while the paper was being read and discussed. 
 
 To be sure, the editor sometimes overlooked 
 errors, occasionally grotesque ones; as when, in 
 his description of the wedding of a very well- 
 known and well-loved young lady, he employed 
 the word "dainty," with frightful results, as the 
 compositor sent out the following: "Her dirty 
 hands and feet were encased in white kid"; and 
 hideous sounds of discord were the result. On 
 another occasion, the paper spoke of an exceed 
 ingly plump lady as "jelly" instead of "jolly." 
 But the errors were few. 
 
 The local delivery of the paper was accom 
 plished by newsboys or carriers, who did not cry 
 their wares, but "plugged" them into the doors 
 and windows, or upon the piazzas and porches of 
 the subscribers, and at the close of their routes 
 collected a modest but fairly generous stipend 
 from the proprietors. The distribution to out-of-
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 77 
 
 town subscribers was by United States mail, and 
 it was a stirring sight to see one of the proprietors 
 with his gayly painted handcart piled high with 
 folded and addressed papers bearing down on the 
 local post-office. 
 
 Now Plupy, Beany, and Pewt had fortuitously 
 succeeded to the job of carrying papers, vice 
 three other town boys who had resigned their 
 office on being detected in serious dereliction 
 of duty. Indeed, their resignations had been 
 handed in with such abruptness that they had 
 escaped one of the irate proprietors only by the 
 most marvelous feats of dodging, ducking, and 
 shinning over fences. 
 
 The chase had been witnessed by the boys with 
 the most sinful glee. As a sporting proposition 
 it appealed to them, and their betting instincts 
 favored the fugitives. As a spectacular panto 
 mime, it keenly touched their sense of the ridicu 
 lous, and they slapped their legs and quite 
 doubled themselves up in delight as they wit 
 nessed the frantic sprinting of the pursued, and 
 the puffing, dogged pursuit of the avenger. 
 
 But apart from the amusement they derived 
 from their artistic appreciation of the scene, their 
 business instincts at once grasped the opportu 
 nity, and after giving the overheated proprietor 
 an opportunity to cool down, they applied for the 
 vacancy. Pewt acted as spokesman, for, though
 
 78 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 he was in some respects the toughest of the three, 
 he had the faculty of looking as innocent as a 
 white dove. 
 
 To Pewt s modest request the proprietor, Mr. 
 Hall, made a hot response. 
 
 "Naw! I ve got enough of you boys," he 
 snarled. 
 
 "But, Mr. Hall," said Pewt, with convincing 
 smoothness, "we fellers is all right. All we want 
 is a chance to show you what we can do. Honest, 
 now, we will do the job slick." 
 
 "Lessee!" snapped the proprietor; "what s 
 your names?" 
 
 As the proprietor evidently did not know the 
 boys, and was exceedingly near-sighted as well, 
 Pewt glibly gave the names of three of the best- 
 behaved boys in town, whom he and the other 
 boys regarded as utter milksops and mamma s 
 darlings, Johnnie Wilson, Arthur Hanson, and 
 Willie Colcord, naturally concluding that the 
 mention of their own names would lead to unde 
 sirable complications if not actual hostilities. 
 
 "Hum," mused the proprietor, scratching his 
 chin thoughtfully; "that sounds better. When 
 ever I see three boys together, I generally con 
 clude that they are that infernal Shute boy and 
 his disreputable cronies, who everybody knows 
 are the worst boys in town. If their parents were 
 not so respectable, these boys would be in the
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 79 
 
 reform school to-day. They ought to be in for 
 life." 
 
 "Thasso, Mr. Hall," chimed in Plupy, "they 
 is pretty bad fellers. Our folks would n t let us 
 go with any such fellers as them, even if we 
 wanted to, which we don t," he concluded 
 hastily. 
 
 "They would n t be quite so bad if it warn t 
 for Pewt Purinton," added Beany; "Pewt is the 
 worst feller I ever see." 
 
 "Huh! I betyer on that," said Pewt quickly, 
 with heightened color. "Beany Watson is worse 
 than Pewt, n Plupy Shute is as bad as Beany 
 n worse, too. Pewt was all right before he went 
 with Beany and Plupy." 
 
 "Well, I guess, you old " began Plupy, with 
 an injured expression, when he was cut short by 
 the proprietor who said, "Never mind that gang 
 of rowdies. I ll give you a list of subscribers 
 and your instructions." And he produced three 
 route-lists and explained carefully the duties of 
 the position, laying especial stress upon speed, 
 promptness, accuracy, and courtesy. He charged 
 them to be careful to put the papers in sheltered 
 places in wet or windy weather, and to be civil 
 and polite to subscribers, who sometimes were a 
 bit unreasonable. 
 
 The boys promised faithfully, Pewt inform 
 ing him that they were always polite and well-
 
 80 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 behaved, " Ain t we, Arthur? Ain t we, Willie?" 
 he asked of Plupy and Beany, who vociferated, 
 "Course we are, Johnnie," as they bade a polite 
 good-bye to Mr. Hall and hurried around the 
 corner to exult with unholy joy over the auda 
 cious impersonation of Johnnie, Arthur, and 
 Willie. 
 
 They nearly came to blows, however, over the 
 division of the routes, a difficulty which Pewt 
 solved in this ingenious manner. As the down 
 town route was by far the easiest and most inter 
 esting of the three, he tactfully suggested that 
 Plupy and Beany toss up, best three in five, for 
 the choice of the Plains and over-the-river route, 
 and the length of the proceedings while the 
 young gamblers were spitting for good luck and 
 making use of strange cabalistic signs to influence 
 chance so stimulated their interest that when 
 Beany won and chose the river route, Plupy like 
 a good boy took the Plains route without grum 
 bling, leaving the downtown route for Pewt as a 
 matter of course, neither of the two realizing that 
 Pewt got the best route without the hazard of a 
 toss-up. 
 
 The next Friday, Johnnie, Arthur, and Willie 
 appeared betimes at the office of the paper, 
 received their copies, distributed them and re 
 ceived their pay with mutual satisfaction to 
 employer and employees, and for several weeks
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 81 
 
 this state of affairs continued without any com 
 plaint of a serious nature. Occasionally a paper 
 was misdelivered, but as a rule their services gave 
 complete satisfaction. 
 
 In an evil hour, however, the boys found out 
 that their predecessors had been paid nearly 
 twice as much as they were receiving. This led to 
 an indignation meeting, at which and after due 
 consideration it was agreed to go on a strike, and 
 with diabolical wisdom the strike was scheduled 
 to be declared on Friday morning at six-thirty, 
 the usual hour for the delivery of the papers. 
 
 Little did the good citizens of the town realize, 
 as they sought their w T ell-earned rest in custom 
 ary obedience to the nine o clock curfew as it 
 pealed forth from the old church-tower, the dis 
 appointment and the loss they would experience in 
 the event that capital, in the persons of Smith, 
 Hall and Clark, editors, proprietors, foremen, 
 and compositors of the "New^s Letter," should 
 fail to comply with the righteous demands of labor 
 in the guise of Johnnie, Arthur, and Willie. 
 
 At six-thirty the mine was sprung. Beany, 
 who was to be spokesman, lost heart at the last 
 moment, and Pewt was forced to break the news 
 to the firm. The meeting was short but full of 
 action, as Mr. Hall promptly adopted the tactics 
 he had employed on a former occasion, and pur 
 sued the fleeing boys far up Center Street, and
 
 82 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 with rather better success, for he got in one lick 
 at Beany that stimulated that plump youth to a 
 marvelous burst of speed, and further retained as 
 spoils of war a paper collar, so narrow had been 
 Plupy s escape. 
 
 Having shaken off their pursuer, they gathered 
 to discuss the matter. The boys felt some dis 
 comfiture over the unceremonious termination of 
 their engagement, and especially did Plupy and 
 Beany manifest a disposition to arraign Pewt for 
 his lack of business foresight and acumen. 
 
 "Now, jus see whatcher done, Pewt. You ve 
 lost us a good job for nothin ." 
 
 "That s just the way with Pewt," said Beany, 
 in injured tones. "He s never satisfied thout 
 kickin everything over." 
 
 "Whatchew fellers howlin bout?" demanded 
 Pewt sturdily. " You both wuz just as anxious as 
 I wuz to strike." 
 
 "Who tho t of it first? say I," cried Plupy. 
 
 "Thasso, Pewt, who tho t of it first? T warn t 
 me, n t warn t Plupy," added Beany, in shrill 
 tones of remonstrance. 
 
 " Course you didn t," said Pewt, spitting 
 through his teeth in disgust. "Such numheads 
 as you fellers never could think up anything 
 thout help." 
 
 "I druther be a numhead than a darn fool," 
 sneered Beany.
 
 A MARVELOUS BUKST OF SPEED
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 83 
 
 "Somebody s goin to git a punch in the ear, or 
 a lam in the snoot," predicted Pewt darkly. 
 
 "Oh, shet up, fellers," said Plupy; "les find 
 out what s best to do, thout jawin bout it. 
 Come, Pewt, whatcher goin to do bout it?" 
 
 ""Wall, fellers," said Pewt, in a more concilia 
 tory tone, "I don t believe old Hall can get along 
 without us. When he sees he can t deliver his 
 papers, he will ask us to take our jobs again, n 
 pay us most anything to git us. That s the way 
 with strikes." 
 
 "What if they hire some other fellers?" que 
 ried Beany. 
 
 "Oh, that s easy," said Pewt; "we can get 
 some pickets n beat em that way." 
 
 "Gosh!" said Plupy; "we must take the nails 
 out, for you can hit an almighty lick with a 
 picket." * 
 
 "Where 11 we get the pickets? pull em off en 
 fences?" demanded Beany. 
 
 Yah," scoffed Pewt; "don t you fellers know 
 anything? Pickets offer fence. Ho! Ho! Why, 
 pickets is fellers to watch round n keep other 
 fellers from trying to get our jobs." 
 
 "What if they get it?" asked Plupy. 
 
 "Why, foller em up n lam em," replied 
 Pewt truculently. 
 
 "S posen they is fellers which can lick us?" 
 said Plupy doubtfully.
 
 84 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "We can hook their papers, n plug things at 
 em n do lots of things to *em," replied Pewt 
 confidently. 
 
 So the boys, with the optimism of youth, made 
 the best of it and calmly awaited developments. 
 They were jubilant when they learned that one 
 of the compositors had taken one route and two 
 of the proprietors the other two, and they confi 
 dently opined that capital would be on its knees 
 ere another week. 
 
 The next Friday they were on the watch at 
 six-thirty, but saw no evidence of delivery. So 
 to while away time, they walked up the street a 
 short distance, and to their surprise and indigna 
 tion saw a student of the Academy, a "stewd- 
 cat" as they termed him, loping along delivering 
 papers with the accuracy of an old hand. 
 
 The eyes of the boys fairly bulged out at the 
 sight. That an old " stewdcat " should do the 
 work was beyond words. 
 
 "Gosh!" hissed Pewt, "le s lam time outer 
 him!" 
 
 With this desperate intention, they cut through 
 Towle s stableyard as they saw him turn into 
 Elm Street, and headed him off opposite the 
 Unitarian Church. As they bore down on him 
 with threats, he faced round and placed his 
 papers on the ground behind him. He was a 
 young fellow, perhaps two years older than the
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 85 
 
 boys, rather larger and taller, and with a very 
 frank and pleasant face with a determined look. 
 
 Seeing that the boys meant business, he pre 
 pared for war, which was not long in being de 
 clared, for Pewt, getting behind Plupy, gave that 
 lank youth a violent push which sent him flying 
 into the enemy s camp with his arms flailing the 
 air like windmills. 
 
 Rapidly as he went in, he came out still more 
 rapidly, with a bloody nose and a look of blended 
 mystification and emotion on his countenance. 
 As he went over on his back, all spraddled out 
 like a frog, Pewt, who had endeavored to get in 
 under the student s guard, received a swinging 
 blow under the ear, which he afterwards ad 
 mitted to be a "linger," and quit the field of 
 battle promptly, and just behind Beany, who 
 escaped unscathed. 
 
 The student then picked up his papers and 
 walked off, deaf to their invitation to come back 
 and try it again. While Plupy stanched his 
 bleeding nose and told what he would have done 
 if Pewt had n t pushed him, the boys laid wise 
 plans to make the carrier sick of his job. 
 
 As a majority of the citizens did not rise until 
 after the delivery of the papers, a good oppor 
 tunity was offered the boys. So the next Friday 
 they were on hand with a paper or two of tacks 
 and a hammer, and, keeping far enough behind
 
 86 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 the carrier to avoid observation, they firmly 
 tacked down to the front steps and porches the 
 papers of those late risers whose habits were well 
 known to the boys. The result was that when 
 each citizen came out and hurriedly picked up his 
 paper, he inevitably tore it in shreds, and during 
 the day complained hotly to the proper parties. 
 
 The Friday following, the boys took another 
 route, and having prepared a quantity of flour 
 paste, glued a great many of the papers to 
 gether, so that to separate the pages was an 
 impossibility. During this day, the complaints 
 at the office were so many that the proprietors 
 were at their wits end, and had their presses 
 and machinery thoroughly overhauled to prevent 
 a repetition of too great a flow of ink. 
 
 The third Friday came and the boys had an 
 other surprise for the proprietors and the pub 
 lic. Behind the "News Letter" office was a shed 
 which was used for storing piles of old "News 
 Letters" to await the arrival of the ragman. 
 Thursday night the boys procured a supply of 
 these dead papers, with great good luck finding 
 a complete supply of those of the same day and 
 month of a year or two back, and the next 
 morning, following the carrier as before, took 
 away the papers he left and substituted for them 
 the dead papers of a year before. 
 
 This time the subscribers, who had been com-
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 87 
 
 pletely fooled into reading, with increasing bewil 
 derment, these old papers, stormed the office in 
 force and demanded the blood of the bewildered 
 proprietors. An investigation was at once set on 
 foot. The student was summoned and detailed 
 the trouble he had had with the three carriers 
 whose places he took. 
 
 This let a flood of light upon the proprietors. 
 It was that miserable Johnnie Wilson, that ras 
 cally Arthur Hanson, that villainous and aban 
 doned Willie Colcord. Talk of Plupy, Beany, and 
 Pewt, they were Methodist Sunday-School boys 
 in comparison with these execrable villains. 
 
 So leaving the proper settlement of the matter 
 in their hands, the complainants departed, and 
 the three proprietors descended upon the peace 
 ful and unsuspecting families of Johnnie, Arthur, 
 and Willie. The mothers of these three boys 
 brought them, trembling, from school. They 
 weepingly denied the accusation and were de 
 nounced as liars and villains by the indignant 
 proprietors. The fond mothers took up cudgels 
 for their offspring. The fathers were sent for and 
 came home raging, and threw the proprietors 
 from the premises with much blasphemy. The 
 entire neighborhood was stirred to its depths. 
 The proprietors threatened prosecution for mali 
 cious mischief. The parents threatened suits for 
 defamation of character and trespass.
 
 88 MISADVENTURES 
 
 Finally a man arrived who said he had seen 
 the carriers nearly every morning, and he never 
 remembered to have seen these boys. Another 
 chimed in to the same effect ; then another. Then 
 the whole thing came out. The culprits were 
 none other than that infernal Shute boy, that 
 miserable Purinton boy, and that wretched Wat 
 son boy. Search was made for them, and they 
 were apprehended and identified by the carrier as 
 the three who had stopped him on his route and 
 whom he had licked. 
 
 Then their fathers were summoned. Poor 
 Plupy, Beany, and Pewt. Their fathers were just 
 and upright men, who had suffered much from 
 their sons misdeeds, and who had each forbidden 
 his respective son from associating with the other 
 two under the most severe penalties. 
 
 It was time, they agreed, that vigorous meas 
 ures should be taken. They meant it. The pro 
 prietors saw that they meant it. They expressed 
 a desire that justice might be meted out to the 
 culprits. They were given the most solemn assur 
 ances that it should be. It was. There was in 
 the minds of the boys no lingering doubt of its 
 completeness.
 
 V 
 
 THE BOYS BECOME A COMMITTEE ON VILLAGE 
 PURIFICATION 
 
 TOWARDS the closing of the long vacation and the 
 opening of the fall term, the town stores began to 
 show signs of life. These stores were in a meas 
 ure like unto the dandelion. In the spring it 
 blossomed like a rose, although of decidedly dif 
 ferent flavor and color. Then, as the summer 
 days came, it withered and died, choked by the 
 intense heat and dust. In the fall, with the return 
 of cooler weather and fall rains, it blossomed 
 again, but with a tougher, harder, more fibrous 
 stem, and with blossoms of a rather more parsi 
 monious nature as to color and softness of petal. 
 So the village storekeepers, in bright anticipa 
 tion of the brisk fall trade with the return of the 
 several hundred students of the Academy and 
 Seminary and of such of the citizens of the town 
 who deemed themselves fortunate enough to 
 have cottages at the beaches or indulgent rela 
 tives in other towns and cities, laid in a very 
 complete stock of pens, paper, slate pencils with 
 gilt paper tastefully adhering thereto; cedar lead 
 pencils that smelled deliciously of the wood; red
 
 90 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 bananas, now unhappily almost obsolete; Jes- 
 sup s Candy of delightful memory, which noth 
 ing in the line of present-day confections can 
 equal in delicacy of taste and odor; cream candy 
 that adhered in rich blobs to one s fingers and 
 prolonged the unctuous feast; striped stick 
 candy, a most enduring sweet; cream-cakes; 
 fishing-tackle, dusted and turned over in the box; 
 minny hooks, butterfly nets (some of the bright 
 est colored butterflies come in September and 
 October), popguns, squirt-guns, "Beadle s Dime 
 Novels," sling-shots, "Police Gazettes," rubber 
 footballs, blown and unblown, baseballs, very un 
 even in shape, harder than brickbats, and with 
 bas-relief seams that infallibly raised elongated 
 blood-blisters on the hands of any boy that 
 caught them; bouquets of artificial flowers that 
 nourished in their wicked bosoms a blunt, flinty 
 knob which, when worked by a strong spring, 
 would give the innocent person smelling the 
 flowers a most unchristian thump on the nose; 
 blow-guns for beans, peas, or small pieces of 
 putty; and other articles of household need. 
 
 Naturally the lack of ready money to purchase 
 some of these articles, which to the boys were 
 the practical necessities of life, wore on their usu 
 ally buoyant spirits and made them for a time 
 thoughtful, at least more so than usual. They 
 had tried running a newspaper, and after sue-
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 91 
 
 ceeding gloriously had failed ingloriously. They 
 had essayed bill-posting, and had had victory 
 snatched from their grasp just as their eager 
 hands had almost secured a strangle-hold on 
 elusive prosperity. They had plunged boldly 
 into the glittering generalities of paper-carrying 
 and had narrowly escaped jail. And they were 
 practically bankrupt: they who had displayed 
 originality, industry, and ambition, and had 
 pursued that fitful jade, Opportunity, whenever 
 she lightly crossed their path, and dropping her 
 handkerchief, fled, looking backward. 
 
 It was not that they were lazy, for they were 
 not: that is, Beany and Pewt were alive from 
 head to foot, brimming over with activity and 
 restless industry. Plupy, by reason of his phe 
 nomenal growth and lankiness, was physically 
 somewhat inert and lethargic, but had ideas. So 
 had the other two, more than they knew what to 
 do with. The three made a powerful combina 
 tion. Would opportunity come again? They 
 would wait, they would be patient, they would 
 think, and with them thought meant the incuba 
 tion of action. 
 
 It chanced that one Deacon Stebbins, who 
 lived on the Hemlock Side, had become inocu 
 lated with the ambition to raise pigs on a large 
 scale for the local market, and had established a 
 somewhat ornate, highly flavored, and extensive
 
 92 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 piggery on what was known as Jady Hill. A long, 
 low building had been erected, subdivided into 
 small inclosures with yards in which some scores 
 of pigs of all sizes were confined, and there repro 
 duced their kind with amazing fertility. 
 
 Indeed, they multiplied so much faster than 
 they matured, and matured so much faster than 
 there was a demand for them, that the good 
 deacon was put to his wits end to provide food, 
 drink, and shelter. The deacon had a few cows, 
 and had been misled by the statements made in 
 the agricultural column of the local paper to 
 the effect that an inconceivably large number of 
 pigs could be readily raised, kept, and fattened 
 by the skim milk from a preposterously small 
 number of cows. 
 
 v But once in, the deacon was game, and did not 
 propose to have his profits taken away by a too 
 premature sacrifice of his stock. So he was forced 
 to cast about for something to eke out the supply 
 of skim milk or to allow his pigs to starve to death 
 and himself to suffer the penalties prescribed for 
 those who, "Having the charge and custody of 
 cattle, horses, sheep, swine, or other domestic ani 
 mals, shall deprive the same of necessary suste 
 nance or shelter, or shall knowingly and willfully 
 permit the same to be so deprived"; and espe 
 cially as the penalties included the forfeiture of 
 the animals, the separation of the guilty party
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 93 
 
 from his accumulation of gold, silver, and negoti 
 able securities by the imposition of heavy fines, 
 and his probable incarceration in the county jail 
 for a very considerable period. 
 
 The deacon found, after diligent inquiry, that 
 the cheapest of foodstuffs for the support and 
 sustenance of his pigs was that by-product of the 
 domestic table known as swill, which could ordi 
 narily be obtained at the nominal price of going 
 after it. There was, however, another and very 
 subtle element that entered into the composition 
 of this by-product. Swill, as it was then termed, 
 waste, as it is now more delicately spoken of, 
 consisted of the odds and ends of food that could 
 not be used in composition with other articles as 
 a side dish or a serve-over. It was made up of 
 potato- and apple-parings, stale bread, pieces of 
 burned toast or crust, sour milk that had stood 
 too long unscreened and had become fly-infected, 
 coffee- and tea-grounds, soggy bread that had 
 not risen to the occasion, pale, inert, and lifeless 
 beans that had not come up to the standard set 
 by the thrifty housewife, together with the count 
 less mistakes made by the daughters of the house 
 who were being taught cookery by their accom 
 plished mammas. 
 
 In those days the enlightening pages of that 
 delightful school classic known as Physiology and 
 Hygiene taught us that the stomach of the pig
 
 94 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 was analogous to that of the human being in size, 
 shape, and digestive power. While we are willing 
 at this day to concede the two former attributes, 
 for we all have seen many people with stomachs 
 that strongly resembled the stomachs of fat hogs, 
 and whose appetites and manner of eating called 
 to mind healthy and enthusiastic specimens of 
 these animals, we cannot agree with the author s 
 views on the question of digestion. He certainly 
 must have meant ostriches, for the soggy messes 
 daily dealt out to these animals could not, I be 
 lieve, have been digested by any human stomach. 
 In the rear of or at the side of every well- 
 ordered house of that period stood a barrel and 
 two pails, or tubs, generally butter firkins that 
 had passed their usefulness as such. In the bar 
 rel were carefully placed the wood ashes from the 
 house stoves. In one of the firkins was placed 
 with equal care the grease and fat that was no 
 longer of any use in the family circle. In the 
 other firkin was carelessly thrown the waste from 
 the table. The first two receptacles were emptied 
 about once a month when the soapfat man, clad 
 in his dusty blue frock and high greasy boots, 
 drove up in his cart, and exchanged for the ashes 
 and fat a wooden measure of soft soap, a jelly- 
 like, clean-smelling composition of the color of a 
 deeply ripe horse-chestnut, and which was kept 
 in a small blue tub in the woodshed and ladled
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 95 
 
 out with a half-cocoanut. To have used any 
 thing else would have savored of treason. This 
 soft soap v/as a powerful cleanser and disinfec 
 tant and could clean a boy s grimy hands, neck, 
 and ears and cruelly sting the raw places thereon 
 more thoroughly than any other substance, ex 
 cept perhaps the turning-lathe or the spoke- 
 shave. 
 
 The waste tub was supposed to be emptied 
 every second day by some boy whose family 
 owned and cherished a pig, and who lived too 
 far from the compact part of the town to be 
 menaced by the authorities. 
 
 Now, through the carelessness of the house 
 wife, the immature daughters, or the hired help, 
 strange articles and ingredients foreign to the 
 composition of edible waste occasionally came to 
 light, often too late to save the life of valuable 
 swine. Such were broken lamp-chimneys, bot 
 tles, crockery-cups and plates, shreds of wall 
 paper, bits of lamp-wicking, a baby s shoe or odd 
 sock, jewelry of various kinds, stove-pokers, an 
 occasional set of false teeth, spectacles, -- both 
 "nigh tos" and "fur offs," -soot from stove 
 pipes, tin cans, pieces of broken bric-a-brac, and 
 small articles from the what-not in the best room. 
 
 The worthy deacon from somewhat bitter ex 
 perience was aware of this and was accustomed 
 with eyes, nose, and deft fingers to scrutinize,
 
 96 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 scent out, and pluck out these deleterious sub 
 stances before serving meals to his charges. 
 This naturally took a good deal of time, although 
 the deacon had developed remarkable skill. He 
 would form a seething mass of provender over a 
 chute of gentle slope and deftly remove all innu- 
 tritious substances with unerring instinct. Still, 
 there were times when an entire tub had to be 
 condemned, as when the servant girl had cleaned 
 the lamps and emptied the contents into the 
 tub. The condemned material was piled in a 
 huge and ever-increasing heap near the buildings 
 and became a hideous mound of decomposition, 
 smelling to heaven. 
 
 As the deacon s stock increased, he found it 
 impossible to assemble and properly sort out his 
 supplies alone, and so an opportunity was af 
 forded the boys, who occasionally visited the 
 place for the purpose of indulging in the pleas 
 ures of the chase, when, as occasionally happened, 
 some of the younger animals broke jail, to enter 
 into the fragrant pursuit of collecting waste. The 
 business rather appealed to the boys, on the un 
 explained instinct that prompts a small boy to 
 wade through mud when he has on his best 
 clothes. It afforded them an opportunity to 
 travel, inasmuch as the medium for collecting 
 and transporting the supplies was a nondescript 
 sort of coffin-like cart drawn by an exceedingly
 
 IT AFFORDKU THEM AX OPPORTUNITY TO TRAVEL
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 97 
 
 aged and bony horse, with one eye and an arti 
 ficially bobbed tail which had been shortened 
 by machinery to an all but rabbit-like appendage 
 on account of the animal being known as a tail- 
 hugger: that is, whenever the rein got under the 
 animal s tail, that tail would clamp down over the 
 rein with a viselike grip and the animal would 
 either bolt or kick and frequently did both. Of 
 course, the extreme brevity of its tail made it 
 rather difficult for the vicious old crowbait to 
 catch the reins, but it was always hopeful and 
 constantly switched its stub tail in the effort. 
 
 To prevent this the wily and experienced dea 
 con had built a high rail over the dashboard of 
 his cart over which the reins passed and were out 
 of danger, provided due care was exercised to 
 prevent them from sagging sufficiently to bring 
 them within the danger zone or infected district. 
 The extreme age of the beast would naturally 
 be supposed to have abated its vicious desire to 
 start things, but as a matter of fact it apparently 
 had no effect in deadening its ambition, and ever 
 hopeful, it switched and switched in vain. 
 
 It might well be supposed that the parents of 
 Plupy, Beany, and Pewt would have objected 
 strenuously to their sons embarking in such a 
 sphere of usefulness, but they were not consulted 
 in the matter. The mothers of these three boys 
 were famous housekeepers, whose duties kept
 
 98 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 them busy at home. Their fathers were also busy 
 men, and as long as the boys filled the woodbox, 
 split the kindlings, were on hand with fair regu 
 larity at their meals, were present and accounted 
 for evenings, and were not publicly accused of 
 any overt act of sedition by the legally consti 
 tuted authorities, their time during the long 
 vacation was their own. And so, conscious of 
 this leniency on the part of their parents, they 
 performed their household chores with praise 
 worthy diligence. 
 
 There was, of course, the usual dispute be 
 tween them as to who should drive, who should 
 lug, and who should pour in, and when this was 
 satisfactorily settled, there was a further dis 
 pute as to "whether a feller could be expected to 
 pour out a lot of slops without spatterin any." 
 Again, there was trouble when each one sought 
 the privilege of "pasting" an innocent passer-by 
 with a tempting potato or ripe and squashy 
 tomato floating on the surface of the load. And 
 as this practice brought hostilities and reprisals 
 on the part of the justly indignant victims, their 
 progress along certain streets became a general 
 engagement all along the line, in which the air 
 w T as thick with projectiles of varied nature and 
 degree of offensiveness and harder missiles of 
 offense which stimulated the old horse to unex 
 pected speed. On one occasion this ancient ani-
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 99 
 
 mal started with such suddenness that Plupy 
 went over backwards into the half-liquid con 
 tents of the cart with a prodigious splash and 
 frightful results. Indeed, before this young man 
 could go home he was compelled to go in swim 
 ming in his clothes, and, having thoroughly 
 washed them, to dry them in the hot August sun 
 and reappear at the supper-table with clean but 
 very much wrinkled and somewhat shrunken 
 garments. 
 
 But these very mishaps increased the joy of 
 living to these boys. When Plupy emerged from 
 his unexpected bath, Beany and Pewt nearly 
 died with mirth. When Beany, during brick war 
 fare with the denizens of South Street, peeped 
 over the edge of the cart just in time to receive a 
 yellow cucumber full in the face, Plupy and Pewt 
 w r ent into convulsions of laughter; and when 
 Pewt, staggering under a heavy pail of refuse, 
 tripped and fell with his load the whole length of 
 Porter Robinson s flight of steps, scattering by 
 products all over the street, Plupy and Beany 
 thought life held nothing more delightful for 
 them. 
 
 Then again they were welcome visitors. Neat 
 housewives were always glad to have their waste 
 removed, and many a cooky, many an apple or 
 pear, even an occasional two- or three-cent piece 
 came to their eager hands. An occasional small
 
 100 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 job in the line of removing crockery, tin cans, 
 and other refuse (but not edible) matter came to 
 them, and was duly worked out with the aid of 
 the deacon s outfit, but to their own profit. These 
 little opportunities were treated by the boys as 
 lucky business ventures, and as the word "graft," 
 coined by Josiah Flynt, was then unknown, the 
 use of the deacon s rolling stock and motive 
 power to advance their interests, seemed to them 
 an extremely proper thing, as long as they did not 
 jeopardize his interests or delay their collections. 
 
 And so by thrift, industry, courtesy, and strict 
 attention to business they, to use a current ex 
 pression in the "News Letter," "merited a con 
 tinuance of the public patronage." Their income 
 from these small jobs, added to the small but 
 prompt payments of their employer, who was 
 well satisfied with their work, put them in ex 
 ceedingly flourishing circumstances. Fortune 
 was greeting them with a wide smile, and they 
 were correspondingly elated and somewhat 
 chesty over it. It had not always been easy work, 
 for at times they had been put to straits in ex 
 plaining to their parents why they smelled so and 
 where for mercy sakes they had been, and their 
 excuses had been marvels of ingenuity and 
 injured innocence. 
 
 They had purchased largely at the stores and 
 were the proud owners of a joint and several
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 101 
 
 football, a sling-shot apiece, which were potent 
 weapons of defense on embattled streets and of 
 offense on hitherto peaceful ones. Plupy had 
 purchased a pair of white mice which he carried 
 in his pockets with twine, nails, chewing-gum, 
 and other plunder. He had also invested in a 
 parti-colored bantam rooster, so phenomenally 
 aged that its comb and wattles were of a deep 
 purple color, its spurs so long that it could not 
 walk without falling down, and its crowing voice 
 the merest gasping pipe. Yet in Plupy s eyes it 
 was a thing of beauty. 
 
 Pewt had thrown prudence to the winds and 
 had bought a set of oil paints on the installment 
 plan; while Beany, true to his instincts as a 
 dressy man, had bought a checked green-and- 
 white bosomed shirt thickly speckled with small 
 yellow flowers, and further embellished with pink 
 cuffs and collar. He had also invested in a box 
 of reversible paper collars for occasional wear at 
 important functions, such as church sociables 
 and picnics, short trips to the beach, the visits of 
 and to relatives, and similar occasions of weight. 
 They began again to take upon themselves airs 
 of importance, although they said very little 
 about the source of their prosperity, and each 
 boy had purchased a cheap bottle of the loudest 
 and most far-reaching cologne, with which they 
 endeavored to neutralize the penetrating odor
 
 102 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 from their business, which would have caused 
 them some embarrassment in social circles. 
 
 The life history of all great men is full of vain 
 endeavors, trials, troubles, tribulations, temp 
 tations, discouragements, blind alleys and no- 
 thoroughfares in their path to greatness. Few if 
 any have had the path to success smooth and 
 without obstacles. Ambition if worthy of the 
 name is made more ardent by obstacles. Let us 
 hope it was so in the case of these boys, for sel 
 dom if ever were single-hearted efforts for success 
 so mocked at by unkind fate. They needed all 
 their fortitude, all their cheerfulness, all their 
 optimism; for Nemesis, with a bludgeon studded 
 with jagged nails, was just ahead of them, lying 
 in wait for their close-clipped and sun-bleached 
 heads. 
 
 A move of reform in the line of sanitation had 
 swept over the town. It began by the prosecu 
 tion of one Barney McCrillis charged with main 
 taining a nuisance in keeping pigs in a most 
 unsightly sty under the kitchen windows of his 
 neighbor, Widow Margaret Doherty, a very out 
 spoken Irish lady, known to the public generally 
 as "Wild Mag." Trouble had arisen between 
 Barney and the forceful Margaret over the rela 
 tive fighting ability of her cat and Barney s 
 black-and-tan terrier, and Margaret, to avenge 
 the death of her pet, brought an action against
 
 JL -jJ 
 
 .Ja*~ - .-> 
 
 BARNEY AND THE FORCEFUL MARGARET
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 103 
 
 Barney for maintaining a nuisance and haled 
 him before Justice Hunnewell. The Court took 
 a view of the premises, heard the evidence, and 
 promptly convicted Barney and banished the 
 pig. Thereupon Barney, resolving deeply in his 
 mind that if he could n t "kape a pig, divil if ony 
 other mon shud," haled Margaret s half-brother 
 into court on a similar charge. In this trial Bar 
 ney s attorney, the Honorable W. W. Stickney, 
 summoned Dr. William Perry, who testified that 
 in his opinion late cases of typhoid which threat 
 ened to be epidemic owed their origin to un 
 sanitary pigpens, sink- drains, and other similar 
 nuisances. 
 
 Then the people awakened; public meetings 
 were held. The keepers of pigs loudly maintained 
 that any interference with their vested and in 
 alienable rights was in direct violation of the 
 constitution, "B goshamity!" Those who main 
 tained lawns and gardens joined the issue, and 
 aided by the better element won the day and 
 banished the pigs from the compact part of the 
 town. It was at the conclusion of this contro 
 versy that the deacon, owning land on Jady Hill, 
 undertook the industry that was supplying the 
 boys with pocket-money. 
 
 But reform, once started, does not always stop 
 at the point aimed at by its instigators. As soon 
 as the pigs were banished, the slaughter-houses
 
 104 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 were attacked. There were several of these 
 places that had been doing business since the 
 recollection of the oldest inhabitant. The owners 
 were indignant and engaged eminent counsel. 
 
 The counsel, holding respectable handkerchiefs 
 to their respectable and respective noses, ex 
 amined the buildings and declared everything 
 clean and shipshape and advised their clients to 
 fight it to the last ditch. The counsel for the 
 petitioners tried to examine the premises and 
 were driven out with blasphemy by the owners. 
 An injunction was asked for, witnesses were 
 summoned, legal fireworks were exploded, foren 
 sic oratory poured forth, and the injunction 
 made permanent. This did the business for the 
 slaughter-houses. 
 
 But the deacon, not maintaining a slaughter 
 house and not keeping pigs in the compact part 
 of the town, kept on his way rejoicing, added 
 largely to his stock by natural increment, and 
 daily increased his mound of innutritious but 
 highly flavored refuse. 
 
 Murmurs began to arise. The Honorable 
 Agent of the Cotton Mills whose house was a 
 half-mile to the south of the piggery, held a field 
 day or lawn party for the Upper Church parish 
 ioners on his spacious grounds one day in honor 
 of the Foreign Missionary from Babelmandeb, 
 the Reverend Thankful Whittaker, and the wind
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 105 
 
 blew from the north and tempered the August 
 heat with delicious coolness and the most ter 
 rific stenches from the piggery and its attendant 
 mound, and drove the people to take refuge 
 indoors. 
 
 Several people had remonstrated with the 
 deacon for collecting waste by day, and had 
 roundly denounced the boys for unskillful hand 
 ling of the same ; but the deacon, secure in the 
 immunity of the text of the decisions, went his 
 way unterrified. But although a most obstinate 
 old gentleman, he realized that unskillful hand 
 ling by the boys meant waste of good material, 
 and he remonstrated with the boys with senile 
 vehemence. 
 
 Once give a dog, a man, a woman, or a business 
 a bad name, and it seldom becomes better. And 
 so the deacon s business began to lose caste in 
 the minds of the populace, and the Mill Agent s 
 experience resulted in a petition to the Superior 
 Court for an injunction. Under this petition a 
 notice of fourteen days to the deacon was a pre 
 requisite to a trial upon the merits, and the 
 deacon, while feeling quite sure of the outcome, 
 nevertheless took pains to cover his mound with 
 dry earth, to clean and disinfect his buildings, 
 and to collect his supplies by night in preparation 
 for the view of the premises by the Honorable 
 Court.
 
 106 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 The night before the hearing the Honorable 
 Court arrived and took lodgings at the Squam- 
 scott. That evening there was a reception given 
 a native of the town, returning as a dignitary 
 from foreign parts, in whom the town took great 
 pride. It was a function of importance at the 
 house of the late Honorable Ezekiel Blank, on 
 Front Street. Great preparations had been made 
 for the entertainment of the distinguished guests, 
 among whom was included the Honorable Court, 
 who had been prevailed upon to lend dignity to 
 the function by his learned and urbane presence. 
 The grounds were hung with Chinese lanterns ; 
 local musicians were blowing themselves black in 
 the face on various instruments of wood and 
 brass, and sawing diminished sevenths on strings ; 
 refreshments were being served by beautiful 
 young ladies in white ; hacks were being driven 
 to the gate and were discharging loads of ladies 
 in tilters and mantillas, who pointed their toes 
 and minced gracefully on the arms of their blue- 
 coated and nankeen-trousered escorts ; when the 
 boys, passing by on their cart loaded to the gun 
 wale with fragrant waste, were attracted to the 
 place by the lights, the music, and the cheerful 
 bustle. 
 
 "Gosh," quoth Plupy, "hear the orchestra! 
 ain t that bully? I know that tune, it s the Red 
 Stocking Quickstep ; hi! hear that cornet,
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 107 
 
 ta-te-ta-te " ; and he struck into the theme with 
 vigor. 
 
 "Aw, shut up, can t ye," snarled Pewt; "how 
 can we hear anything with your yawpin like 
 that." 
 
 "Lessee if we can t drive nearer," said Beany. 
 
 So they turned the horse into the entrance by 
 the house of the Honorable James Bell, and 
 threaded their way between the more stately 
 vehicles in spite of haughty stare and smothered 
 imprecation. 
 
 As they obtained a commanding position near 
 a raised platform, the orchestra struck up "Hail 
 to the Chief," and from the front door, amid the 
 acclaim of the populace within and the ohs and 
 ahs of the peasantry without, came an imposing 
 procession, headed by the honored Principal of 
 the Academy, Dr. Soule, the returned Dignity 
 from Foreign Shores, the Honorable Court, and 
 the gracious hostess, followed by various dis 
 tinguished citizens in pairs, and took seats on 
 the platform. The orchestra ceased, and arising, 
 a double quartette from the united choirs from 
 the First and Second Congregational Churches, 
 poured their voices soulfully into that affecting 
 lyric : 
 
 "Home again, home again, from a foreign shore, 
 And oh ! it fills my heart with joy 
 To greet our friend once more."
 
 108 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 The leader of the choir had tactfully altered the 
 possessives in the song so as to convey the impres 
 sion that the populace s heart was filled with joy 
 at seeing the distinguished citizen from foreign 
 parts home again; at which the distinguished 
 citizen from foreign parts, or, to follow the lines 
 of the lyric, "foreign shore," arose and bowed 
 profoundly right and left, with his hand on his 
 heart and amid terrific applause. 
 
 The song concluded, the honored Principal 
 arose and in felicitous words, interspersed with 
 appropriate quotations from the Latin and 
 Greek, introduced the distinguished citizen from 
 foreign shores by insisting that no introduction 
 was necessary for "one whose foot was on his 
 native heath and whose head was crowned with 
 the laurel of distinguished accomplishment." 
 
 Long and insistent was the applause as he 
 ceased, and as the distinguished citizen from a 
 foreign shore arose. Handkerchiefs fluttered in 
 mimic snowstorm, bright eyes and smiles of 
 welcome outshone the sparkle of lantern or the 
 glare of gas. 
 
 Thrice he began to speak and thrice was he 
 interrupted by thunderous acclaim. Finally his 
 white and ringed hand, raised in modest depreca 
 tion, gained him a hearing, and in a voice husky 
 with feeling he began : 
 
 "My dear, dear friends and fellow-citizens:
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 109 
 
 the rewards of distinguished services, the appre 
 ciation of those great in the counsels of the 
 nation the approbation, the respect, and the 
 friendship of foreign and titled dignitaries, is 
 little compared to the ties of friendship that bind 
 one to his home town, and especially when, as in 
 this case, one can feel that he has continued to 
 hold and enjoy the friendship and has won the 
 appreciation and the approbation of these home 
 friends." 
 
 The distinguished citizen s voice faltered, and 
 he paused and pressed a white handkerchief to 
 his eyes while several of his audience sobbed 
 into white handkerchiefs, and one old gentle 
 man cleared his throat with a ringing " horaghm! 
 ah-r-rgm!" 
 
 The distinguished citizen continued: "Yes, my 
 dear friends, in fulfilling the important mission 
 with which I have been entrusted by those of our 
 nation in supreme authority, it has been my good 
 fortune to see the cities, the towns, and the peo 
 ple of the Orient and the Occident; to observe 
 their manners, their customs, to note their pecul 
 iarities of dress, of language, of religion. And I 
 am, perhaps, frank in saying that in some things 
 they are undoubtedly in advance of us. In some, 
 I say, but in many we are immeasurably their 
 superiors. In our home spirit, our home life, our 
 freedom from excesses, our respect for women,
 
 110 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 our religious and political freedom and tolerance, 
 and our cleanliness. 
 
 "And of the latter, in passing, I wish to say a 
 word. In the Orient, in the Occident, in many of 
 the finest and richest towns and cities of those 
 countries, physical cleanliness is a thing practi 
 cally unheard of. Sights, sounds, and stenches 
 that would not be tolerated one moment in a 
 New England town are the rule in foreign towns 
 and cities. But, my friends, since I have landed 
 in New England I have not beheld a sight that 
 was not fair, I have not smelled a scent that was 
 not sweet and clean." 
 
 Just then a fitful breeze stirred the leaves and 
 wafted to his nostrils a hideous stench from the 
 business conveyance of the boys. He paused, and 
 it was gone, but several of his audience turned 
 their heads inquiringly in the direction from 
 which it came. 
 
 "For a moment, my friends, the recollection of 
 those smells was so vivid that I almost believed 
 they were in our midst. Thank Heaven, good 
 friends, we in New England are, have been, and 
 will be free from any annoyances that spring from 
 uncleanliness, either morally, mentally, physi 
 cally, or politically." 
 
 Again a horrid odor swept over the assem 
 blage, and heads turned angrily, while the orator 
 took a sip of water and mopped his face. There
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 111 
 
 was a hurried consultation of some in authority 
 and a brawny attendant tiptoed from the garden 
 to the boys, who were sitting in rapt absorption 
 at the splendid scene. 
 
 "Here, you young ruffians, you take that 
 infernal old rackabones and that old cart out 
 of here, or I ll break your backs," he hoarsely 
 whispered, as he grasped the horse by the bridle 
 to lead him away, while the orator began again. 
 
 "And speaking of cleanliness I wish to say a 
 word about cleanliness of language, in which, I 
 believe, we are far in advance of other peoples 
 and nations. Truly it has been said, Let your 
 communication be Yea, Yea, and Nay, Nay, for 
 whatsoever is more than this cometh of evil, and 
 -What in hell is the matter?" he roared, as a 
 series of fearful equine squeals and hoarse impre 
 cations arose and a kicking, squealing horse burst 
 through the fence and into the inclosure with a 
 burly figure hanging to its bridle and swinging to 
 and fro like an ear-ring. 
 
 It seemed that when the attendant spoke so 
 roughly to the boys and seized the bridle, the 
 reins dropped from Plupy s hands and the old 
 horse felt them touch its tail. Here was the 
 opportunity it had waited for so long, and the 
 tail gripped the reins and the mad animal bolted 
 for the audience, squealing and kicking. The 
 audience fled, holding up its skirts and shrieking;
 
 112 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 the orchestra seized its instruments and rushed 
 for the grove; the distinguished stranger vaulted 
 over the rail like a youth of twenty and fled to the 
 house, leaving the hostess to look out for herself; 
 the Honorable Court shinned up the nearest tree 
 with the agility of a boy of fifteen ; the three boys 
 pulled, sawed, shouted, and swayed dangerously 
 from their perch on the pitching, splashing, spat 
 tering cart, and the attendant hung on with 
 gasping grunts and curses, occasionally touching 
 the ground with jolting infrequency. Round 
 they went, twice round the garden, treading 
 down choice plants, knocking down latticework 
 frames, generating every sort of horrid and un 
 godly stench until the wheel cramped, the boys 
 flew out, the body of the cart turned over like a 
 wrestler thrown over the shoulder of his oppo 
 nent, and came to the ground a wreck of shat 
 tered boards, and with a squattering splash, and 
 the horse, freed of his burden, stopped quietly. 
 
 And then the guests came out, the populace 
 descended from trees and crawled from under 
 various places of refuge, and the peasantry 
 swarmed through the broken fence and discussed 
 the matter in high-pitched, strident voices and 
 with great animation. 
 
 It was a dreadful mess, a dreadful, dreadful 
 mess! The boys had fled through the trees and 
 across gardens to Court Street and home. The
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 113 
 
 Honorable Court had withdrawn to his hotel, 
 fearing lest he might be biased in the hearing of 
 the morrow; the populace and peasantry, leaving 
 the attendants with mops, brooms, pails, wood 
 ashes, disinfectants, and deodorizers to clean up. 
 And on the morrow the hearing took place. 
 The view was had ; the evidence heard, and 
 such evidence! The deacon s lawyers fought 
 tooth and nail; the Honorable Court was a just 
 and unbiased Court; but the injunction was made 
 permanent, and the Honorable Court in signing 
 the decree underscored its name thrice. The 
 deacon went out of business owing Plupy, Beany, 
 and Pewt two week s arrears in salary. And thus 
 once more did evil fortune smite them heavily.
 
 VI 
 
 THE MEETING OF THE COMMITTEE ON PUBLIC 
 SAFETY 
 
 THE next morning the story of the unfortunate 
 termination of the reception to the distinguished 
 citizen from a foreign shore was known to every 
 one in town and exhaustively discussed. The day 
 after, for journalistic enterprise was not as keen 
 in those days as in the present day, most lurid 
 and amusing accounts filled the city dailies. The 
 names of the parties were given, those of the 
 boys and their employer in large type, and the 
 story adorned with every flight of fancy that im 
 agination could suggest. 
 
 The boys were intensely flattered by the more 
 or less veracious accounts of their life and suffer 
 ings, and the highly colored narrations of their 
 attempts to earn an honest living in various lines 
 of endeavor; but their relatives were horrified, 
 and their mothers so earnestly laid the matter 
 before their respective husbands that these wor 
 thy burghers decided to call a meeting of the 
 advisory board, consisting of these gentlemen, 
 sitting in Brad s paint-shop with closed doors. 
 
 It was a very common thing for these gentlemen
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 115 
 
 to spend a part of their day of rest in this shop 
 discussing matters of common interest. Pewt s 
 father, known to his associates as "Brad," as 
 usual repaired to his shop after breakfast, and in 
 his shirt-sleeves and carpet-slippers took a seat 
 and slowly and deliberately cut thin slices of 
 tobacco from a plug, ground it thoroughly in his 
 palms, loaded an old corncob pipe, lighted it 
 with much puffing, leaned back and alternately 
 spat and sent out clouds of fragrant blue smoke. 
 Soon Plupy s father, "George," appeared, clad in 
 a sort of picturesque neglige, his ordinary Sab 
 bath costume, followed after an interval of a few 
 minutes by Beany s father, "Wats," resplendent 
 in a most stunning attire and smoking a silver- 
 mounted meerschaum. George, whose daily trips 
 to Boston as a government employee compelled 
 him to dress well during the week, took occasion 
 to lounge and loaf on Sunday in the most non 
 descript garments, while Brad and Wats, whose 
 business as painters, grainers, and paper-hangers 
 compelled them to wear during working hours the 
 checked blouse and paint-encrusted overalls of 
 their trade, appeared on Sunday in the guise of 
 gaudy butterflies but recently emerged from the 
 dingy chrysalis. 
 
 "Seen the papers, Brad?" queried the elder 
 Shute, as he knocked the ashes from a five-cent 
 cigar.
 
 116 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "Ain t seen nothin else," replied that gentle 
 man rather snappishly. 
 
 "Whatcher got to say about it, Wats?" con 
 tinued Plupy s father. 
 
 "Dunno, George," replied Wats doubtfully; 
 "them boys are the infernalest boys I ever see," 
 he continued, quite appropriately and with entire 
 conviction. 
 
 "Seems to me we did n t use to have any such 
 carryin s-on when I was a boy, did we, Wats?" 
 opined Brad judicially, making an astonishingly 
 accurate shot for the pipe-hole in the chimney 
 and replacing his pipe with the consciousness of a 
 deed well done. 
 
 "Never in this world," said Wats convincingly. 
 "Of course, I did n t live here when I was a boy, 
 but I guess boys were pretty much the same in 
 Maine n New Hampshire then, n the boys 
 down my way in Saco n Biddeford were pretty 
 good boys." 
 
 "That s so," said Plupy s father; "I believe it, 
 for the boys of my day, when Brad and I were 
 at school here, were pretty respectable chaps. 
 I wonder what the reason is for the change? I 
 don t understand it." 
 
 "Wall, George," said Brad, "one really bad 
 boy in a neighborhood can do a good deal towards 
 making jailbirds of every other boy in that neigh 
 borhood. Now, when I moved down on Court
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 117 
 
 Street, I cal late there wa n t a better-behaved 
 n more reliable n dependable critter in th hull 
 State than that boy Clar nce of mine. But jest as 
 soon as he began to crony round with that ere 
 Harry of yourn, I began to see a difference. He 
 wa n t the same boy nohow. S phi seen it, too." 
 And he changed legs and spat convincingly. 
 
 "Well, Brad," said the elder Shute, with a 
 growing gleam in his eyes, "you may be right, 
 but it would be pretty hard to convince me and 
 my wife and all the rest of us that before your 
 boy came down here to this neighborhood the 
 boys here were not as good a set of boys as they 
 were in our time. Wats s boy, Elbridge, was 
 about the only boy in the neighborhood that 
 people were suspicious about, and he was well 
 enough until he got in with your boy." And the 
 elder Shute bit his cigar in twain to emphasize 
 his point. 
 
 "Well, as to that, my boy was in this neighbor 
 hood before either of your boys, n up to the time 
 that Harry Shute n Clarence Purinton came 
 here, I never heard a word of criticism from any 
 one. Since they came into this neighborhood he 
 has been in trouble all the time. I have told him 
 more n forty times that if I catch him with either 
 Clarence Purinton or that Harry Shute, I would 
 take the hide off en him." And Wats glared about 
 him as if challenging contradiction.
 
 118 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "Jest what I said to Clar nce," said Brad; 
 "Clar nce, sez I, if I ketch ye with that Shute 
 boy n that Watson boy, I 11 raise welts on ye all 
 up and down ye ez big ez school rulers." 
 
 "I m glad you both did, and you have no 
 idea how I appreciate your kindness. Anything 
 that will keep your two boys from associating 
 with mine receives my most unqualified ap 
 proval," said Plupy s father, with fine sarcasm, his 
 eyes retiring deeply beneath their beetling brows. 
 "And I told my boy that if I ever caught him 
 with that Pewt and that Beany, as they call 
 them, I would tan his hide so that it would n t 
 hold water, and that if I ever caught either of 
 those rascals on my premises I would hang them. 
 And I want to say right here," he continued, 
 bringing his hand down so hard on the bench that 
 hardware rattled, paint slopped, and the glorious 
 Goddess of Liberty in her gaudy frame, holding 
 aloft the evenly rippled flag, almost sprang from 
 her perch, "that I believe those two boys came 
 honestly by their deviltry and inherited it from 
 their fathers who are no better than the boys." 
 
 Wats and Brad sprang to their feet crimson 
 and choking with indignation, reminding one 
 forcibly of the occasion when 
 
 "Each guest upstarted at the word 
 And laid his hand upon his sword 
 With fury-flashing eye."
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 119 
 
 What the result might have been nobody can say. 
 Whether Plupy s father could have held his own 
 with his two opponents, smaller, but wiry and 
 toughened by daily feats of climbing ladders, or 
 whether he was destined to go down in glorious 
 defeat overpowered by numbers; whether or 
 not the air would be thick with paints, brushes, 
 gaudy chromoscopes, rolls of wall-paper, putty- 
 knives, paste-brushes, ceiling-scrapers, oils, siz 
 ing, galvanized action, and bursts of profanity, 
 or they would adjourn to the green, peel and 
 settle their difficulty by a triangular battle to the 
 dismay, consternation, astonishment, and delight 
 of the happy church-goers, was never satisfac 
 torily settled. 
 
 Happily for all concerned, their good name, 
 fame, and reputation, happily for the close 
 friendship that had endured between them for 
 years, Plupy s father s temper was as quick as a 
 flash of powder and as soon over; and the sight 
 of these ordinarily peaceful citizens, filled to the 
 brim with good will to all, springing to answer 
 the call to arms and breathing defiance, was too 
 much for his risibles, and he broke into a roar of 
 laughter that lasted until the faces of the two 
 other fathers began to relax, the fire to fade from 
 their eyes, and the corners of their mouths to 
 work. 
 
 "Don t see whatcher laughin at," said Brad,
 
 120 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 dropping a hickory stirring-stick which he had 
 instinctively reached for. 
 
 "Neither do I, George," said Wats, unclinch- 
 ing his fists and allowing the white to die out of 
 his knuckles and the flash of anger to fade from 
 his face; "it ain t no laughin matter." 
 
 "Sit down, Brad; sit down, Wats; you two 
 infernal old jackasses. I ll take it all back; I m 
 worse than any of you," and he roared again. 
 "Did you ever see such a set of infernal old hypo 
 crites as we are. Good, reliable boys we were, 
 were we? I don t know what Wats was as a boy, 
 but I do know that Brad and I were the two 
 worst boys in town and ought to have been in 
 jail for life. Say, Brad, do you remember the time 
 we rigged a tit-tat-to on Betty Clifford s window 
 and had half the neighbors looking for spirits." 
 
 "I remember it, yes," said Brad, grinning sym 
 pathetically. " N the next night when we tried 
 it with a brick n it went through the window n 
 took the sash with it! - - Yes, yes, George, what 
 jailbirds we were," said Brad, chuckling and 
 puffing his pipe, while Wats grinned and lit his. 
 
 "And do you remember when we climbed into 
 the First Church steeple and tied a cord to the 
 bell-tongue, ran it to a tree in the next lot, and 
 tolled it at twelve o clock every night for a week? " 
 
 "Gosh! yes, George, I shall never forget it," 
 said Brad, wiping his eyes.
 
 
 HE BROKE INTO A ROAR OF LAUGHTER
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 121 
 
 "Do you remember when Jim Melcher and 
 you and I found where the Selectmen threw the 
 crows heads for which they paid bounty, and we 
 used to crawl in under the office floor and get 
 those heads and get pay for them again?" 
 
 "Remember it! I should say I do; n if them 
 old heads had n t got so high I guess we would 
 have been doin it now," gasped Brad, choking 
 on a misdirected puff of acrid smoke. 
 
 "Who threw the skunk-bladder into the Hard 
 Shell Baptist Revival meeting, Brad?" 
 
 "I didn t, George, honest, now," said Brad, 
 slapping his knees; "did you?" 
 
 "No, I swear I didn t," said George; "some 
 said it was Bill Clark, some said me, some laid it 
 on to Jim Melcher, and others on to Bill Young. 
 I was there, though. Great snakes! how those 
 revivalists did come piling out of that church, 
 phewing and spitting just like a lot of crazy tom 
 cats; oh, dear, oh, dear," gasped Plupy s father, 
 while Wats held onto his sides with both hands. 
 Member when the Adventists were holding 
 meetings over Jewell s paint-shop and we took 
 down the steps and then started the fire-alarm 
 and they came out heels over head." 
 
 "Don t, George, I shall bust if you say any 
 more," pleaded Brad, almost in collapse; "we 
 were the toughest set of rowdies in this country." 
 
 "And that is n t all. I could sit here for two
 
 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 hours and tell one thing after another that Brad 
 and I did with some of the other good, reliable 
 Sunday-School boys of the time, Bill Young, 
 Jim Melcher, Roland Folsom, Charlie and Jim 
 Folsom, Bill Bowley, Charles Taylor, and a few 
 other sissy boys that we would like to have our 
 boys take after. Oh, I could tell a few things," 
 said George, shaking his head ominously, while 
 his eyes danced. 
 
 " Tell em, tell em, George," said Wats, with en 
 thusiasm. " I did n t know Brad was such a feller." 
 
 "Brad! well, he was about the liveliest boy in 
 this town. Ever hear of the time he peppered the 
 clam chowder at the fireman s ball supper?" 
 asked Plupy s father. 
 
 "Now, look here, George, they ain t no sense 
 in layin that on to me; you know that you n 
 Jim Melcher n Charles Taylor got that thing 
 up, n I did n t have anything to do with it," 
 protested Brad. 
 
 "Who bought the pepper? tell Wats that," 
 said Plupy s father. 
 
 "Who paid for it n got Jim Melcher to put it 
 in? Tell him, George, tell him," urged Brad in his 
 turn; "only tell it as t is." 
 
 "Well, what did you do? Tell a feller n don t 
 keep him waitin ," urged Wats. 
 
 "Well, you see, the fire companies in those 
 days had an annual ball some time in January, to
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 123 
 
 which the Amesbury and Newmarket and South 
 Newmarket boys were invited. It was a great 
 time, and began with a supper, generally a clam 
 chowder in the court-room at about half-past six, 
 and afterwards a ball lasting from eight until 
 about five the next morning. 
 
 "An old colored man named Archelaus Husoe 
 usually got up the chowder, and made it in a huge 
 cauldron holding about two barrels. A commit 
 tee of the companies always went to Hampton 
 Beach the day before and got two barrels of 
 fresh clams, and generally got drunk before they 
 returned. Then another committee shucked 
 them, I mean the clams, not the committee, 
 - and got them ready. The afternoon before the 
 supper Archelaus Husoe and a half-dozen other 
 niggers, Tashes, Harrises, and Husoes, took 
 charge of the cooking and serving. 
 
 "There was a committee of firemen to receive 
 the guests and another committee on liquid re 
 freshments, which were generally new rum and 
 gin. All the firemen appeared in red shirts 
 and helmets, and it was a very lively time. Old 
 Archelaus had a good idea of effect and insisted 
 on promptness, and at precisely half-past six 
 o clock the long tables were ready, with the pint 
 bowls filled with steaming chowder, the cups with 
 fragrant coffee, the crackers and pickles and large 
 spoons ready. Then the company marched in
 
 124 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 with their ladies and took seats, the chairman 
 gave the signal, Play Away, and the spoons 
 were dipped and the feast began. Thus there was 
 no haste and no delay. No slopping of the con 
 tents of bowls down the necks or over the shirts 
 of the men or the dresses of the ladies. 
 
 "To do this successfully Archelaus had to en 
 gage plenty of aides, and as he preferred gratui 
 tous service when he could get it, and as those 
 who helped him could attend the ball and hear 
 the music and fill up on chowder and pies, beans, 
 cake, and other dainties, invitations to help wait 
 on table, carry chairs, arrange dishes, and keep 
 the chowder from burning were much sought 
 after by the boys. 
 
 "So that evening Brad, Bill Young, Jim Mel- 
 cher, Charles Taylor, and a few other choice 
 jailbirds, not including myself, of course, I 
 include myself in the crowd but not in the jail 
 birds, were among the waiters and assistants. 
 Well, we worked all the afternoon and had a good 
 time, and if it had n t been for Brad everything 
 would have gone all right." 
 
 "Why on account of me?" said Brad. 
 
 "You keep still, Brad; I m telling this story," 
 said Plupy s father. "Well, as I was about to 
 remark, Brad was always full of the devil and up 
 to all sorts of unexpected things, and so it oc 
 curred to him "
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 125 
 
 "Come, now, who put up this thing, anyway? 
 T was either you or Jim 
 
 "Hold your horses, Brad, I have the floor," 
 said Plupy s father, continuing; - "to put some 
 thing in the chowder to warm them up a bit. He 
 first suggested a gallon of rum, but we could n t 
 get it, as we had no money." 
 
 : You suggested that, George, yourself," inter 
 rupted Brad. 
 
 "And so Brad said a couple of pounds of 
 cayenne pepper would warm things up in good 
 shape." 
 
 "That was what Jim said," protested Brad. 
 
 "And so Brad \vent down to Nat Weeks s 
 store, and bought a couple of pounds of cayenne. 
 
 "Then Jim and I were left to stir the chow 
 der, and Brad, who was helping the other boys 
 arrange the tables, purposely dropped and broke 
 a plate, and the moment Archelaus heard that, he 
 dashed out into the court-room to see what the 
 trouble was, and I, that is, I mean Jim Melcher, 
 poured the whole two pounds into the chowder, 
 and before Archelaus came back we had got it 
 pretty well stirred in. Of course, when Archelaus 
 came back he sneezed and we sneezed some, and 
 Archelaus swore at us for sneezing towards the 
 cauldron, and then he began to sneeze again; but 
 it happened that some one had upset a pepper- 
 shaker on one of the tables, and Archelaus had
 
 126 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 been brushing it up and so he did n t suspect 
 anything except that he thought we were mock 
 ing him; you know a nigger is a bit sensitive 
 when it comes to any one sneezing before him; 
 you remember the song - 
 
 Nigger, nigger, never die, 
 Black face and chiny eye, 
 This the way the nigger goes, choo, choo, choo ! 
 
 Well, he swore at us, and said he would knock our 
 heads off if we did n t stop; but he was too busy 
 to do it, and as he had tasted the chowder just 
 before he went out and had pronounced it all 
 right, he did n t taste it again, and we were safe, 
 as Archelaus, although a nigger, was as neat as a 
 pin and did n t allow any one else to taste it. 
 
 "So he filled the bowls and had them carried 
 in and placed on the table, and every now and 
 then he gave a loud sneeze and cursed the boy 
 who upset the pepper-shaker. At last all was 
 ready, and the orchestra struck up and the fire 
 men, their guests, and ladies marched in and took 
 their places. Just as there was silence and the 
 chairman was rising, Archelaus let out a sneeze 
 that nearly raised the roof, and made every one 
 laugh. Knowing what was coming I thought I 
 should die. 
 
 "Then the chairman said, Ladies and gentle 
 men, eat hearty and give the house a good name ; 
 and then he shouted through his trumpet, Play
 
 - *-"* " 
 
 A SNEEZE THAT NEAKLY RAISED THE ROOF
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 127 
 
 away, Two/ and every one dipped his spoon and 
 took a good swallow, and then made a frightful 
 face, and of all the spitting, coughing, gagging, 
 sneezing, retching, cursing, and swearing, I never 
 heard anything like it. Brad and I were on duty 
 in the upper part of the hall, and I could see 
 Archelaus and the other niggers, with their 
 mouths open and eyeballs bulging like crocky 
 doorknobs, wondering what the trouble was. 
 
 "Some one cleared his throat enough to yell, 
 The black nigger put cayenne pepper in the 
 chowxler, and every one who could speak with 
 out choking to death began to yell, Kill the 
 niggers, kill the black cusses ; and a score of 
 brawny fellows who had fortunately spit before 
 they swallowed the fiery chowder, made a rush 
 towards the kitchen, while the rest clawed at 
 their own throats, choked, gasped, and gurgled 
 and fought for w r ater, and the niggers scattered 
 like rabbits. 
 
 "Well, there was a tremendous row made 
 about it, and an investigation was made and 
 prosecution threatened. We boys were scared 
 to death about it, but when our turn came to be 
 examined lied like pirates, and it was never found 
 out who the miscreants were. Enough was de 
 veloped to show that the cook had nothing to 
 do with it, and I think the firemen after a time 
 paid his bill. They were a good set of fellows, a
 
 128 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 bit rough in their ways and a bit too partial to 
 rum, but they had their good points. Still, as 
 they were firemen, they ought to have been able 
 to stand a little thing like cayenne pepper. But 
 it was a mean trick, and it would n t have hap 
 pened if it had n t been for that Brad Purinton." 
 
 "N* that George Shute," chimed in Brad, 
 "who thought out the whole thing." 
 
 "Well, to tell the truth, while I cannot truth 
 fully disclaim some responsibility in the matter, 
 I doubt very much if any one would believe for a 
 moment that I was the ringleader of the boys of 
 that time. But it was hard on those niggers. I 
 shall never forget how they scattered. Some of 
 them were not seen for days. It was said that 
 Archelaus Husoe ran eight miles toward North- 
 wood without stopping. I have an impression 
 that some of those niggers never did come back. 
 At all events, there was a black skeleton found in 
 the woods halfway between Kingston arid Fre 
 mont two years afterwards." 
 
 "A black skeleton, George, ye don t say! I 
 never heard of that. You remember how black 
 them Husoes were. Ez likely ez not, t was one 
 of them Husoes," said Brad excitedly, while 
 Wats nodded in silent confirmation and Plupy s 
 father nearly strangled over a puff of smoke. 
 
 "Well, those were great times, but I don t 
 know as we were any better when we grew up,"
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 129 
 
 said Plupy s father. "Remember, Wats, just 
 after you got here, the big fight with the New 
 market gang that began in Rufe Cutler s saloon? 
 You came downtown that night with a velvet 
 coat and a tall hat, and waded right in. We never 
 saw the hat again, but I remember how that vel 
 vet coat looked when the fight was over and we 
 had cleaned them out. You were always a dressy 
 cuss, Wats, but that time you were the raggedest 
 and most bunged-up individual I ever saw." 
 
 "I remember that, too," said Brad; "I came 
 out of that with my nose turned way round on 
 one side, one eye closed, n both thumbs out of 
 joint, n I had promised to paint Peace on 
 Earth and Good Will to Men on a big banner 
 for the First Church Sunday-School the next 
 morning, n I did it, too, but I cal late I did n t 
 quite git into the spirit of the thing." 
 
 " Member the next fight we had with them 
 Newmarket and South Newmarket fellers?" 
 chimed in Wats. "I was down at the Wiggin 
 Tavern at South Newmarket, n it begun in the 
 front entry. Some one said something to you, 
 George, that you did n t like, n you hit him n 
 knocked him halfway up the front stairs. Then 
 the fight begun n lasted for over a half-hour, but 
 they were too much for us that time. I remember 
 George Kitchens n the three Husoe boys got 
 separated from the crowd n were chased down
 
 130 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 to the wharf n jumped in, swam across, n 
 came back home through Stratham. Those 
 Squamscott Machine Works fellers were a 
 pretty tough set." 
 
 Yes, but we had ought to got licked that 
 night, for some of our best fighters wa n t there. 
 Al Lane and Ben and Plummer Kelly, Jerry Tan 
 ner and Newt Marsh were away, and there were 
 some Eppin fellers there to help the South 
 Newmarket gang. 
 
 "But the next time we licked them on their 
 own grounds. That night they had a big crowd 
 of fighters from the three towns, and we had 
 all our best men, the Lane boys, Jim Robinson, 
 Ben and Plummer Kelly, Ben, Jim, and George 
 Ellison, Jerry Tanner, Bill Clark, Bill Young, 
 George Kitchens, and the three Husoe boys, 
 and how those niggers could stand thumps on the 
 head! We met em in the square and they had 
 arranged it pretty well. Remember those two 
 roads; one going towards Littlefield s Crossing 
 and one down towards the river? Well, they had 
 posted a big gang of men down these roads, and 
 when our crowd had all got by and started in to 
 tackle the main crowd, these two gangs piled on 
 us from behind to cut off our retreat. But we 
 were not retreating very much that night. I 
 was never in such a fight as that in my life. It 
 was punch, hit, clinch, let go, butt (I saw Arche-
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 131 
 
 laus Husoe butt a South Newmarket fellow a 
 rod), knock down, and drag out. If a fellow was 
 down we tramped right over him. There was no 
 time to stop for the wounded. It was every man 
 look out for his head and wind. Apart from the 
 fact that sometimes a fellow had two or three at 
 him at once, it was a square fight enough, and no 
 clubs or rocks were used and no brass knuckles, 
 and I don t think any one was struck while down 
 except when two fellows had clinched and were 
 rolling on the ground and hammering each other. 
 We everlastingly cleaned em out that time. 
 They sent for old Judge Blackford, of New 
 market, and he stood up on a barrel and read the 
 riot act, or tried to ; but they yanked his barrel 
 out from under him, and he came down heels over 
 head and struck for the nearest doorway. 
 
 "After we had driven them out of their own 
 square and chased them into alleys, we collected 
 our men and marched back. Every fellow was 
 more or less bunged-up, but nobody badly hurt 
 and every one could walk, and we all felt pretty 
 good over the result. Seth Tanner and George 
 Kitchens wanted to burn the Wiggin Tavern, and 
 we had to persuade them not to and bring them 
 along with us. The next day there was a lot of talk 
 about it, and there was talk of prosecution for 
 riot, but they would have had to arrest about 
 all the able-bodied young fellows in four towns,
 
 132 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 and I guess they thought better of it. That was 
 the last big fight we had," said Plupy s father, 
 sighing over the decadence of those degenerate 
 times. 
 
 "But there was plenty of excitement besides 
 fights in those days," sighed Brad. " Member 
 the fights with the students?" 
 
 "Uh huh," said Plupy s father, relighting his 
 stump of cigar. 
 
 "Member the time the people raided Dan 
 Meader s saloon, George?" 
 
 "Thunder, yes, Brad, I guess I do remember 
 that," said George, discarding his glowing stub in 
 his interest in the recollection. 
 
 "What about it, Brad?" asked Wats; " t 
 sounds interesting." 
 
 "Let George tell it; he has the knack of mak 
 ing things look full ez well ez they are," said 
 Brad, with marked emphasis and a humorous 
 wrinkle at the corners of his mouth. 
 
 "Go ahead, George," said Wats, "spin her 
 out." 
 
 "All right, gentlemen," said Plupy s father, 
 "thanking Brad for the compliment and Wats for 
 his flattering interest in the matter and the atten 
 tion he gives to my modest yarn, I will endeavor 
 to satisfy a curiosity natural under the circum 
 stances." 
 
 "You see, Wats," he said, relapsing into his
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 133 
 
 more natural manner and flicking the ashes from 
 his cigar, "there used to be a saloon on lower 
 Water Street, nearly opposite where Tom Con 
 ner s store now is. It was a low, shedlike build 
 ing, and was kept by a small humpbacked man 
 named Dan Meader. Dr. Price, a little wizened 
 colored man who wore a tall hat and cleaned 
 clothes by steam, lived near there. You remem 
 ber him, Brad?" 
 
 "Uh huh," said Brad, removing his pipe and 
 shooting a deadly brown streak into the pipe- 
 hole in the wall. 
 
 "There were a number of other saloons on the 
 street George Harris s and Rufe Cutler s, but 
 they were pretty decent places. At that time all 
 the grocery stores sold New England rum by the 
 glass at three cents a glass, and allowed the cus 
 tomer to pour out his own drink. But only the 
 more respectable men patronized the grocery 
 stores. The bad men all flocked to Dan Meader s 
 place. He sold the hottest brand of liquor ever 
 known: made out of fusil oil, logwood shavings, 
 and old-fashioned hotdrops. 
 
 "There were some awful fights there. Not 
 decent, properly conducted, harmless affairs, 
 such as I have told about, when fellows, full of 
 ginger, fought with their fists for fun, but fights 
 with glasses and bottles and chairs and bung- 
 starters.
 
 "The place got an awful name. The hardest 
 citizens in the town congregated there every 
 night and raised particular Cain. They would go 
 home at midnight, or two or three in the morn 
 ing, yelling and screeching like wild men. People 
 began to be afraid to go by the place at night, 
 and there were several complaints of men being 
 robbed and thrown out. 
 
 "Finally, the better class of men in town began 
 to talk about taking the matter up. My father 
 was interested in it. You remember him, Brad, a 
 gentleman if ever there was one in this world. He 
 was a frail, sickly man, but he had the courage of 
 his convictions. The local officers were not up to 
 their work, the county sheriff did n t give them 
 any satisfaction, and a secret meeting was held in 
 the vestry of the First Church. Jim Melcher and 
 I got in by the door leading to the belfry and sat 
 down by the ventilator where we could see and 
 hear everything. Father made the last speech. I 
 can see him now, straight as an arrow, slender as 
 a reed, his eyes gleaming like coals and his up 
 raised hand quivering with feeling. He finished 
 in these words : Gentlemen, I am and have been 
 a law-abiding citizen. I yield to no man in my 
 respect for the constitution, the laws of our 
 State, the customs and ordinances of our town ; 
 but when these laws have been defied and 
 trampled on, when public decency has been out-
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 135 
 
 raged, public and individual safety endangered, 
 disorder let loose in our midst, our wives and 
 daughters insulted, our boys in danger of being 
 corrupted; when roisterous drunkards and 
 thieves make our nights hideous with their 
 drunken revelry, their licentious and obscene 
 talk; when the legally constituted officers of the 
 law offer no protection, even though sworn com 
 plaints are placed in their hands, it is time for the 
 reputable citizens of this town to abate this nui 
 sance by force, and we are unworthy to be citizens 
 of our town if we shirk this sacred duty. 
 
 "Well, after father spoke they laid their plans 
 to meet the next night at eleven o clock at 
 father s trunk store and to go down and raid the 
 place. After they had gone, Jim and I came 
 down and skinned for home. 
 
 " Well, in some way it leaked out that something 
 was to happen the next night. Never mind how, 
 but just what was to happen nobody knew. If it 
 came to the ears of the Meader gang, they paid 
 no attention to it, unless, perhaps, they got a more 
 numerous and tougher gang together and began 
 earlier to sing and yell and whoop. I know father 
 told me not to go out that evening, and mother 
 and the rest of them were very much worried. 
 But as soon as father left the house I skipped out. 
 
 "At nine o clock the stores closed, but there 
 were a good many persons on the street. At
 
 136 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 ten there were crowds of people quietly walking 
 around, sitting in groups, but making very little 
 noise. The noise inside was enough to drown any 
 noise outside. By a quarter of eleven the noise, 
 the cursing and swearing and yelling, was awful. 
 I would n t have gone into that place for a 
 thousand dollars. Every one waited with hearts 
 thumping. Ten minutes to eleven, five minutes, 
 three, two, one, eleven struck from the town bell, 
 and then we heard them coming down Water 
 Street. The only noise they made was their regu 
 lar marching step as they marched two by two. 
 Every fourth man carried a lantern and each 
 man walked with a heavy oak staff. There were 
 the very finest men in town, dressed in their best 
 black coats, white stocks, and stovepipe hats. A 
 dozen carried between them a peeled hemlock 
 tree about six inches through, and not a man 
 looked right or left. 
 
 "I tell you, gentlemen, I never had such a 
 feeling go through me as when I saw that sight. 
 A lump arose in my throat, and I was so excited 
 that I could scarcely breathe. I think every one 
 felt the same, and a big hulking man near said in 
 a hoarse whisper, God! those men mean busi 
 ness! When they arrived at the house they 
 formed a double ring around it, and my father 
 stepped up to the door and knocked with his 
 heavy stick. Instantly there was silence within.
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 137 
 
 " Who s there, and what do you want? sounded 
 Dan s shrill voice. 
 
 " * Daniel Meader, said father, in the name of 
 the State of New Hampshire I command you to 
 open this door. 
 
 " Go to blazes ! you - - ; and then there was 
 a terrific yell inside and the most awful cursing I 
 ever heard. Father came down the steps and 
 said, Break in the door, men, and about twenty 
 men got hold of the log and ran towards the door. 
 When that log struck the door it smashed it into 
 kindling wood, and the men went in like sheep 
 through a hole in the fence. 
 
 "We expected a big fight, but the appearance 
 of these men with their oak clubs, their broad 
 cloth coats, and the vigor with which they 
 smashed in that door took all the fight out of the 
 rowdies. One or two started to resist, but they 
 were knocked down. The majority broke for the 
 windows and doors, but found themselves in a 
 trap, and surrendered. Then the raiding party 
 brought out all the jugs, bottles, kegs, barrels, 
 and cases of liquor, smashed them and poured the 
 liquor into the river, and took out the doors and 
 windows and pulled down the building. Then at 
 about two o clock in the morning they started 
 with their prisoners in barges for the Massachu 
 setts line, and when they arrived there let them 
 go, warning them that if they ever came back
 
 138 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 to Exeter or to this State, they would hang 
 them." 
 
 "By thunder, George, that was pretty fine, I 
 think," said Wats. 
 
 "Fine! I should say so/ said Plupy s father, 
 with shining eyes; "the finest thing I ever saw. 
 I tell you, that sight did more to straighten out 
 some of our young fellows than anything that 
 could have happened. Not because they were 
 afraid, but because they saw, perhaps for the 
 first time, the best element of the town insisting 
 on their rights and the rights and interests of all. 
 And there was n t a man or boy in the crowd that 
 would n t have followed those men right into the 
 jaws of hell, and if those roughs had started in to 
 resist they would have had the whole town on 
 them. I was only a boy, but I hunted up the 
 biggest stone I could find and edged towards 
 the saloon, and all the other men and boys were 
 ready, too. 
 
 " So now we might as well admit that we don t 
 want to have any more of this fool talk about 
 being good boys when we were young. I tell you, 
 Brad, and you, Wats, that our boys are pretty 
 decent boys, as boys go, a long ways ahead of us, 
 which, perhaps, is partly due to the times and the 
 change of things for the better. And I think we 
 have made a mistake in keeping them away from 
 each other. If my boy is over here with my per-
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 139 
 
 mission and yours, he will be more likely to be 
 out of mischief than if he were off somewhere 
 with Clarence and Elbridge against our will. 
 They will be together somehow and we might as 
 well make the best of it. And the same is true 
 of both your boys. They are a set of lively boys, 
 but I believe they will turn out all right. We did, 
 and I 11 swear we were twice as bad as they were. 
 Hello! time to go to dinner." 
 
 "Hold on a minute, George," said Wats, who 
 was not to be diverted from the main question by 
 absorbing narratives, "what s to be done with 
 these boys? It is really time for the schools 
 to open, one week from to-morrow, ain t it, 
 Brad?" 
 
 "Uh huh, one week from to-morrow," as 
 serted Brad, cleaning the stem of his pipe by 
 running a broom-straw through it and blowing 
 through it until his eyes nearly popped out and 
 the corners of his mouth drew down like a bald- 
 headed gentleman in the orchestra playing the 
 bassoon. 
 
 "Now Elbridge is bedeviled to go to work n 
 don t want to go to school any more, n I think 
 the best thing for me to do is to get him a chance 
 to work about one week n he 11 be willing to go 
 back to school n stay there," continued Wats. 
 
 "That s a good idea, Wats; my boy is just in 
 that condition when he is no good in school and
 
 140 MISADVENTURES 
 
 almighty little out of school. He feels like going 
 to work and won t study, and he says Brad s boy 
 is just as bad. Crazy to work, eh, Brad?" 
 
 "Uh huh," said Brad; " Clar nce, sez I, 
 * Clar nce, ef ye a-bound to work, s all right; when 
 I wuz young I never had no chance to go to 
 school much, n if I wuz you I would stick to 
 school ; but Clar nce he won t hev it, n I think 
 we better gin em a little of their own medicine; 
 whadger say, George?" 
 
 "I ll tell you what I will do. You know 
 Getchell has advertised for boys to learn the 
 plumbing trade. Now the first thing to put the 
 boys doing at Getchell s is lifting iron pipe and 
 stoves and pig lead and other things, and after 
 about three days of it a boy would prefer to go to 
 the reform school rather than stay at work. Now, 
 I 11 see Josh and make arrangements for him to 
 take these three boys. Just you leave it to me 
 and don t any one put in his oar. I will see him 
 this afternoon, and you send ^the boys down to 
 my house this evening." 
 
 "All right, George, we will leave it to you," 
 said Wats and Brad. 
 
 And the three worthies shook hands and sepa 
 rated, each one feeling in his heart that his boy 
 was a good deal better than the other two. And 
 so the boys gained a point in the removal of the 
 embargo against associating one with another.
 
 VII 
 
 HOW GREAT A DIFFERENCE ONE SMALL LETTER 
 MAKES 
 
 THE evening of the same day the three boys, 
 delighted at their uncensored association one 
 with another, came grinning into Plupy s yard 
 where Plupy s father sat smoking, and reported 
 to that gentleman. 
 
 "Well, boys," he said, removing his pipe, "I 
 understand you don t care to go to school next 
 week. What s your reason?" 
 
 " Druther go to work n earn some chink," 
 said Plupy. 
 
 " T s about time to be gettin to work if a feller 
 ever intends to," said Pewt, hitching up his collar 
 and pushing his false bosom back into place. 
 
 "I hate school ennyway," said Beany, " n I d 
 ruther go to work than to school." 
 
 " But if you could leave school and not work, 
 wouldn t that suit you all better?" asked 
 Plupy s father with a whimsical smile. 
 
 "Huh!" said Beany; "they ain t no such thing 
 as not goin to school and not doin nuthin 
 neither." 
 
 "That s so," said Pewt; "gosh! no!"
 
 142 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "Wisht there was," sighed Plupy. 
 
 "In other words, boys, you think the millen 
 nium won t come just yet?" said Plupy s father. 
 
 "Dunno who he is," said the boys, much mys 
 tified. 
 
 "Well, boys, I ve got a job for you, and one 
 that I think you will like," he continued. 
 
 "Gosh!" said Beany fervently, "that s bully." 
 
 "You bet," asserted Pewt with emphasis. 
 
 Plupy s emotions overcame him to the effect 
 that he said nothing, but lifted one gaunt leg 
 up twice to an astonishing height and breathed 
 heavily through his widespread mouth. 
 
 "I want you boys to start in to learn plumb 
 ing; that is a mighty good business and pays 
 better than anything I know except burglary 
 and embezzlement of trust funds, and - 
 
 But he got no further, for the boys interrupted 
 him with raucous yells. 
 
 "Plummin !" yelled Plupy; "plummin ! Just 
 what I wanted to do. Oh, golly!" and he ca 
 vorted afresh. 
 
 "Plummin !" screeched Beany; "ain t that 
 jest rippin ?" 
 
 "I know the best place in this world for them," 
 yelled Pewt. 
 
 "Easy, boys, don t get excited; you may not 
 like this trade quite so well after a few days of it. 
 Now, this is the way I have arranged it. To-
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 143 
 
 morrow morning you go down to Mr. Getchell s 
 store and tell him you are the three boys I spoke 
 to him about. Then he will give you whatever 
 supplies you need and tell you what to do," said 
 Plupy s father. 
 
 "I guess we know what to do all right," said 
 the three boys exultantly, wagging their heads 
 knowingly at one another. 
 
 "Well, perhaps you won t be so cocksure of 
 yourselves in a day or two, and may be willing 
 to learn a thing or two," insisted Plupy s father 
 reprovingly. 
 
 "Oh, yes, Mr. Shute," said Beany, anxious to 
 propitiate the bearer of such cheerful tidings, 
 "we want to learn everything about it, but how 
 can we go plummin in the winter?" 
 
 "You needn t bother about the winter yet. 
 There is more plumbing in the winter season than 
 at any other time and the plumbers get better 
 prices," said Plupy s father. 
 
 The boys looked a bit dubious at this, but 
 cheered up in view of the delights of a practically 
 immediate future. But the practical Beany had 
 a question to ask. 
 
 "What if old I mean Mr. Getchell won t 
 give us our supplies without pay?" 
 
 "He will give them all right; you need not 
 worry about that one bit," said Plupy s father 
 reassuringly.
 
 144 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "Well, sayin he had changed his mind?" 
 persisted Beany. 
 
 "He won t change his mind. But if there is 
 any trouble, why, just wait until I get home," 
 replied Plupy s father. 
 
 "But," insisted Beany, "if he should change 
 his mind, it would be pretty tough to lose a whole 
 day when we might be workin n earnin 
 money." 
 
 "Oh, as to that, if you are so particular about 
 it, I will write a note to him. You have certainly 
 got the right spirit about starting in, and if you 
 only persist in that spirit, it won t be very long 
 before you all are expert plumbers," said Plupy s 
 father. 
 
 "Well, I don t believe it will be very hard to 
 be expert plummers if we know the best places," 
 opined Pewt. 
 
 "Well, the best place I know is Getchell s, and 
 you go there. Kelley and Gardner keep good 
 hardware and groceries, but they don t do any 
 plumbing," said Plupy s father, as he went into 
 the house. He soon returned, with a note which 
 read as follows : 
 
 MESSRS. JOSHUA GETCHELL AND SON : 
 
 GENTLEMEN : The boys of whom I spoke to 
 you are somewhat apprehensive that you may 
 change your mind in relation to furnishing their
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 145 
 
 supplies without a cash deposit. As they are 
 anxious to begin work, and I wish to encourage 
 industry, I trust you will be willing to make 
 this arrangement with them: Let them have 
 whatever supplies they may need and charge the 
 same to my account. Then I will see that they 
 pay me for the same, and in the end they will, I 
 hope, be in the possession of more money than 
 they expect. 
 
 By this diplomatic stratagem I may possibly 
 work a reformation in these boys in relation to 
 their habit of thoughtless waste of time. 
 Very truly yours, 
 
 GEORGE S. SHUTE. 
 
 Plupy s father read as much of this to the boys 
 as he thought proper, and then sealed it and 
 handed it to Beany with instructions to deliver it 
 to Mr. Getchell in person, informed them that 
 their mothers would put their noon lunch up for 
 them, and having urged upon them the necessity 
 of cheerfulness, tact, industry, and promptness, 
 left them with the caution to say nothing to any 
 one about their business. 
 
 Left alone, they withdrew to the barn and in 
 bated breath discussed their wonderful streak of 
 luck. 
 
 "Plummin , gosh!" said Plupy; "I never had 
 enough of plummin ; we can eat all we can hold
 
 146 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 at first, then fill our pails n stop at noon n eat 
 our lunch under a tree, n in the afternoon sell 
 our berries n rake in the chink." 
 
 "Yes," chimed in Pewt with immense enthu 
 siasm, " n we can do a little fishin whenever we 
 get near a pond or river." 
 
 * N we can build a fire n fry our fish n eat 
 em," chuckled Plupy. 
 
 "N have a swim," seconded Beany, who was 
 so fat that he could float like a cork. 
 
 "N p r aps get a shot at a duck or patridge," 
 said Pewt. 
 
 "Say, fellers, was there ever ennything so 
 lucky! I wonder what has got into our fathers? 
 We have got to do some pretty good work or 
 we ll never get another chance," said Plupy, 
 looking to the future. 
 
 "Oh, we gotta work part of the time. F we 
 don t we ll lose our jobs. F we fail a few more 
 times we will be about ready to hang on to posts 
 all the time jest like some of those old bums. 
 This time we ve got to do somethin ," said 
 Pewt. 
 
 "Well, t ain t been our fault before. We made 
 money every time. When we run the paper, f 
 it had n t been for people bein so darn sensitive 
 we need n t had no trouble. A feller had n t 
 oughter get mad when a feller has wrote the 
 truth about him/ said Beany; "huh! they ain t
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 147 
 
 no sense in that, n we was makin more dosh 
 than I could spend, too." 
 
 "We were leather heads to strike on the paper- 
 carryin job," said Plupy; "they ain t no doubt 
 about that. But that was Pewt s doin . He 
 wa n t satisfied with makin money." 
 
 "Well, ennyway, Plupe, I done all I could to 
 get you out of the scrape n make old Smith, 
 Hall n Clark raise our pay." 
 
 "Yes, you did, didn t ye!" scoffed Plupy 
 hoarsely; "you got me a good bloody nose from 
 that stewdcat when I sailed in n you and 
 Beany did n t dass to - 
 
 "Huh!" said Beany, "talk about sailin in; 
 huh ! you would n t ha dassed to sail in if Pewt 
 had n t pushed you." 
 
 "I would ha dassed to, n I was jest a-goin to 
 sail in when Pewt pushed me so quick that I 
 could n t dodge him. I was goin to dodge under 
 him n get the underholt n then you fellers 
 could lam him," said Plupy in an aggrieved tone 
 of voice. 
 
 "Huh! that s a pretty way to fight. Hold a 
 feller n let the others lam him. I d be ashamed 
 to fight that way," said Pewt in utter scorn. 
 
 "I d be ashamed to be afraid n run like white 
 heads when another feller is holdin him, enny 
 way," said Plupy. 
 
 "But ye did n t hold him. F you had, we d
 
 148 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 a* stayed all right. Why in time did n t ye hold 
 him?" queried Beany scornfully. 
 
 "Cause Pewt gimme a push, n I could n t, n 
 you fellers left me there n run. I guess I know 
 who had ought to been ashamed. Ennyway, 
 t ain t me," yelled Plupy. 
 
 "Huh!" said Beany. 
 
 "Huh! "said Pewt. 
 
 Then there was a pause and they scowled at 
 each other balefully. 
 
 Finally Beany s face cleared. " What time you 
 goin down to Getchell s to-morrow, Plupe?" he 
 inquired amiably. 
 
 "Oh! bout six, I guess," said Plupy with 
 affected carelessness. 
 
 "The store ain t open till about seven," said 
 Beany. 
 
 "Thasso," said Plupy, restored to his usual 
 cheerfulness. "Les all meet there at seven n 
 get the things we want. Lessee, we want three 
 six-quart pails, n some dinner-pails with cups 
 like the workin men have." 
 
 "Six-quart grandmothers!" said Pewt; "what 
 we want is ten-quart pails. We had ought to pick 
 ten quarts in bout an hour or hour n half n 
 sell em easy." 
 
 "Thasso, Pewt," said Plupy eagerly; "we 
 can t pick ten quarts in a six-quart pail." 
 
 "I tell ye how we can do it," said Beany, who
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 149 
 
 was somewhat addicted to gastronomic pleasures ; 
 "we can pick our six-quart pails full, then pick 
 two quarts apiece n eat em, then eat the lunch 
 out of our pails, n then pick two more quarts in 
 our lunch-pails. That makes ten quarts each. 
 Lessee," he continued, pulling out a pencil and 
 muttering, "Six n two is eight n two is ten, 
 put down your naught n carry your one, one n 
 naught is nothin . Say," he continued, "that 
 ain t right. If we pick ten quarts n eat two, 
 they must be somethin left." 
 
 "Course! you loon; they is eight quarts left. 
 F you et em all, they w T ould n t be enny left, 
 explained Pewt. 
 
 "Unless there would be a fearful old belly 
 ache," added Plupy facetiously. 
 
 "I know it seems so, but I tell you it don t 
 figger so," said Beany; "look here, six n two is 
 eight," he continued, as the boys looked over his 
 shoulder, " n two is ten, put down your naught 
 n carry your one; that s all right, ain t it?" 
 
 "Uh huh," said Pewt. 
 
 "Uh huh," said Plupy; "chuck her down." 
 
 "There," said Beany, making a cipher with 
 some twisting of his tongue and facial contortion. 
 
 "Then carry your one, loony," said Pewt. 
 
 "Why don t you carry it, Beany? chuck her 
 down," said Plupy, with earnest admonition. 
 
 " Hold on; don t be too darn fast," said Beany;
 
 150 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "that s where the trouble is, Plupe; they ain t 
 nothin to go down, one n naught is naught." 
 
 "One n naught is naught; whatcher talkin 
 about! " snorted Plupy ; " one n naught is one, 
 putter down." 
 
 "Won t," said Beany obstinately; "one J n* 
 naught is nothin ." 
 
 "Look here, Beany," said Plupy; "one is one, 
 ain t it, now?" 
 
 "Uh huh," assented Beany; "enny fool would 
 know that." 
 
 " N naught is naught, Beany, ain t it?" 
 
 "Uh huh; course it is," said Beany. 
 
 N if you have got one n don t add nothin 
 to it, it makes it one, don t it?" 
 
 "But you do add somethin to it; you add 
 naught; you gotta add naught to it to do the 
 example," said Beany doggedly. 
 
 "But naught is nothin , ain t it?" said Plupy, 
 catching himself by the hair and lifting hard. 
 
 "Uh huh," said Beany; "naught is nothin all 
 right." 
 
 " N if you add nothin to one, it makes it one, 
 don t it?" explained Plupy. 
 
 "But you said first, if you don t add nothin to 
 it/ n now you say, if you do add nothin to it. 
 Which do you mean? Why don t you say which 
 way you want to do it n stick to it?" 
 
 " Cause it don t make no difference whether
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 151 
 
 you do add nothin or don t add nothing it s 
 not bin !" yelled Plupy in great excitement; 
 " nothin s nothin , n you can t add it or sub 
 tract it or multiply it or divide it, n you oughter 
 know it." 
 
 "That ain t so," said Pewt, who had been fol 
 lowing the arguments with a wrinkled brow and 
 deep thoughts; "there was a feller in Boston 
 which took a ten-dollar bill n added a naught to 
 it n got a hundred dollars fer it n got in jail fer 
 it. So Beany s more right than you be." 
 
 "That s so, Plupy," said Beany; "you ain t so 
 smart as you think you are. One n nothin is 
 nothin , ain t it, Pewt? Ennyway, I can prove 
 it." 
 
 "Lessee ye do it," dared Plupy. 
 
 "Well, I can, and you jest see," said Beany 
 confidently. "How much is five times one?" 
 
 "Five, of course," said Plupy; "gimme a hard 
 one." 
 
 "How much is one n one? " continued Beany, 
 with a sinister gleam in his eye, while Pewt 
 nodded sagely. 
 
 " Two, of course," said Plupy; " whatcher tryin 
 to get through you, ennyway?" 
 
 "How much is five times naught?" 
 
 "Naught," added Plupy, "just as I told you." 
 
 "Who said it wasn t?" demanded Beany 
 in some heat. "Well," continued Beany, with
 
 152 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 finely calculated logic, "if five times one is five, 
 n one n one is two, then multiplying is more 
 than adding." 
 
 " Course it is," said Plupy; "I could have told 
 you that." 
 
 " But you did n t, did you, come now, did you ? " 
 demanded Beany. 
 
 "No, I didn t, cause you didn t ask me," 
 said Plupy sulkily. 
 
 "Well, if multiplyin is more than addin , n 
 if five times naught is nothin , then, of course, 
 one added to naught can t be as much as 
 five multiplied by naught, which ain t nothin . 
 Whatcher got to say about it, now, old Plupe?" 
 demanded Beany triumphantly. 
 
 What Plupy, who jumped to his feet red-faced 
 with anger, would have said to contradict this 
 statement and refute Beany s logic may never 
 be known, as the boys were called home and left, 
 after promising to meet at seven the next morn 
 ing. 
 
 The next day at seven o clock the boys were 
 at Getchell s store, and were very much disap 
 pointed when they found that gentleman had 
 taken the six- thirty train for Boston. When they 
 presented their case to the good-natured man 
 ager, Mr. Willis, he asked for their authority, and 
 was given the letter of credit from Beany s 
 father.
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 153 
 
 Having read this, and impaled it on a sharp 
 hook, he expressed to them his entire willingness 
 to honor their demands to a reasonable amount. 
 Thereupon the boys ordered three tin ten-quart 
 pails, three dinner-pails, three quart dippers to 
 pick into, three leather belts. These articles were 
 regarded as necessary tools of their trade. Then 
 with the laudable desire to protect themselves 
 from foreign invasions, domestic seditions, and 
 dangers from wild animals, they bought a double- 
 barreled pistol, a pound of powder, and a powder- 
 flask and bullet-pouch. Then, as mere luxuries, 
 they purchased three braided linen fish-lines, a 
 hand-painted rubber frog, and a collection of as 
 sorted hooks, all of which articles were charged 
 to Plupy s father at a sum total of six dollars and 
 seventy-five cents. 
 
 Then running home they ate their breakfasts 
 hastily, had their lunch-pails filled by their anx 
 ious mothers, to whom, mindful of their prom 
 ises of entire secrecy, they told nothing, and de 
 parted on their quest. 
 
 Rumor had it that berries were plenty on the 
 Epping Road section, back of the Oak Lands, and 
 so they journeyed thither, talking, as only boys 
 can talk, of their prospects. 
 
 Leaving the road by the Johnny Watson place, 
 they struck into the swamp land. There they 
 proved that Rumor was more truthful than usual,
 
 154 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 for here they found the high-bush blueberries 
 luscious and abundant, and they at once began to 
 pick and eat, with unctious "urns!" and "ahs!" 
 of satisfaction. It seemed as if they could eat 
 all day, and that Beany s project of eating two 
 quarts each might be a possibility. But they 
 realized that they must be prudent and get a 
 pailful each if possible, and after a while the soft 
 drum of the berries on the bottoms of their cups 
 began. It was most interesting work, and they 
 worked eagerly, pulling down tall bushes and 
 picking rapidly, at times breaking into whoops of 
 delight and surprise at finding particularly large 
 and juicy berries. 
 
 But berry-picking is to most people a rather 
 tiresome task and not without accidents and 
 mishaps. Beany got into a thorn bush and pain 
 fully lacerated his legs and hands, and Plupy, 
 after filling his tin cup to the brim, tripped and 
 fell heavily as he was racing to pour its contents 
 into his pail, and lost most of them in the under 
 brush, roots, and moss. 
 
 Pewt alone, having eyes and instincts for the 
 woods, as well as very nimble fingers, picked 
 nearly twice as fast as the other boys and got 
 better berries, and much cleaner picked. When 
 the noon hour arrived, he had picked nearly six 
 quarts of fine, ripe berries, while Plupy and 
 Beany had picked about three quarts each, and
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 155 
 
 all three boys, despite the fact that they certainly 
 must have eaten a pint each, were in a state of 
 famine impossible to describe. 
 
 "Gosh!" said Plupy, wiping a very red and 
 scratched face, " bout time for grub. I m most 
 starved." 
 
 "So m I," said Beany, pouring a half -cup of 
 berries into his huge pail. "By time! I didn t 
 know it took so many berries to fill a ten-quart 
 pail. Come on, Pewt." 
 
 "Hold on a minute; I want to finish this cup 
 full," said Pewt, who had just found a well-filled 
 bush. 
 
 "Oh, come on, Pewt, le s build a fire; I could 
 eat a dead rat," said Plupy. 
 
 "No, we don t \vant no fire," objected Beany. 
 "It s too darn hot, ennyw^ay, n , sides, it takes 
 too long. I wisht I had a drink of water." 
 
 After a while Pewt filled his cup, and then the 
 three boys sat down under a giant pine and 
 opened their tin dinner-pails. Bread and butter, 
 doughnuts, hard-boiled eggs, apple pie, and a 
 bottle of coffee, much sweetened and very weak. 
 Mm ! Mm ! what a feast and what appetites. 
 
 "Gosh! this is fun," said Beany, mumbling 
 through a huge mouthful. 
 
 " Google-oogle-oogle," gurgled Plupy, quaffing 
 a bumper from a bottle; " s bully." 
 
 " M chump, m chump, m chump," went Pewt s
 
 156 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 teeth steadily through a huge slice of bread and 
 butter. 
 
 "Tell ye what le s do, m chump m m, 
 fellers," said Beany, "after we glug-glug, 
 oom get through eatin , le s m glug go sell 
 our berries." 
 
 "Thasso, Beany, n after we m chump, 
 oogum," said Plupy, stretching his neck like a 
 hen in his endeavor to swallow a hastily masti 
 cated mouthful - "get through - 
 
 "Hi, there, Plupy! keep your hand out er my 
 berry-pail; f you want to eat any berries, eat 
 your own," yelled Pewt. 
 
 "Arh-h hoag-g- hoag-g- s-sptu!" shouted 
 Plupy, spitting furiously ; : I chewed up a 
 squash bug, s-sptu-u-u-oag." 
 
 "Served ye right fer eatin outer my pail," 
 said Pewt indignantly. 
 
 "You needn t be so mean bout your old 
 berries; you had more n I did, ennyhow," said 
 Plupy reproachfully, wiping his mouth with an 
 extremely soiled and dingy handkerchief. 
 
 "Yes, I ve got more n you lunkheads have 
 because I picked while you two fellers et. F 
 you d worked the way I did, you d have had as 
 many," retorted Pewt with warmth. 
 
 "Huh!" said Beany, drawn into the discussion 
 by no fault of his own; "you would n t have had so 
 many if you had n t hogged all the best bushes."
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 157 
 
 "I did n t neether," snarled Pewt; " I got the 
 best bushes cause I found em. If you fellers 
 could see an inch beyond your nose, you could do 
 it, too." 
 
 "I guess we can see as well as you, old Pewt; 
 you ain t so smart," jeered Beany. 
 
 "Well, I picked more berries than you did, 
 didn t I?" demanded Pewt, as one stating an 
 axiom. 
 
 "Who said you did n t?" said Plupy, backing 
 away from so self-evident a truth. 
 
 " N I ve got em, ain t I?" said Pewt, again 
 advancing an irrefutable proposition. 
 
 "Well," said Plupy, "what if you have ? What- 
 ofit?" 
 
 "Well, I m goin to keep em," said Pewt with 
 finality. 
 
 "Ain t we partners? ain t we, Pewt, ain t we, 
 Plupy?" demanded Beany. 
 
 "Course we are; who got up this thing, enny- 
 how?" piped Plupy, his voice flying off the han 
 dle in his earnestness. 
 
 " You did n t; neether of you fellers got it up; 
 neether of you knowed enough," said Pewt, his 
 eyes snapping with anger. 
 
 " Whose father got it up? Whose father got us 
 our job n whose father bought our tin pails?" 
 yelled Plupy. 
 
 "I don t care," said Pewt, with exaggerated
 
 158 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 scorn; "I didn t go into no partnership with 
 fellers who want to eat while I work." 
 
 N we did n t go into partnership with no 
 feller which wants to take all the profits, did we, 
 Beany?" growled Plupy, with a gasp of indig 
 nation. 
 
 "Me, too, did n t," chimed in Beany, his face 
 red with anger. 
 
 "Well, whatcher goin to do about it?" de 
 manded Pewt, with elaborate unconcern, dex 
 terously flipping a jackknife into the ground. 
 
 "I ll tell you what I m goin to do bout it, 
 Pewt. I m goin to take my father s pails, n 
 pistol, n fishin -lines, n things, n Beany n I 
 are goin to be partners, n you can carry your 
 old blueberries home in your pockets," said 
 Plupy with determination. 
 
 "Ho!" barked Pewt, becoming suddenly very 
 much alive to the occasion; "lessee you get em; 
 just come n take em, come on, now." And he 
 squared menacingly. 
 
 "We both can; come on, Beany; we re part 
 ners now n have got to stand together," said 
 Plupy, calling up his reserves. 
 
 "I m with ye, Plupe," said Beany, springing 
 into the breach with promptness. "Pewt has 
 needed a lickin for some time." And the two 
 boys advanced with wary deliberation upon their 
 late business associate.
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 159 
 
 Now Pewt, under ordinary circumstances, was 
 rather more than a match physically for either 
 one of the boys, as he was in coolness and craft. 
 But he had little hopes of success with both of 
 them as opponents, and the prospect of a thrash 
 ing as well as the loss of the partnership effects 
 was enough to make him extremely anxious to 
 avoid the encounter. Pewt was enjoying what 
 would have been known at the present day as 
 a "soft thing," or a "snap," and he was a boy of 
 good judgment, and so he resorted to diplomacy. 
 
 "Say, fellers, what s the use fightin about it? 
 I was only coddin ye. Y ought to know me well 
 enough by this time to know that." And he 
 smiled at his indignant copartners with engaging 
 warmth, which had the effect of disarming their 
 wrath, as they were both peaceful lads. 
 
 "F that s so, s all right s far s I m con 
 cerned," said Plupy, returning to the earth. 
 
 "S all right for me, too," said Beany, beaming 
 in his turn. 
 
 "Now, le s get out the pistol n plug some- 
 thin ; let Plupy have the first shot," said Pewt, 
 with unparalleled generosity. 
 
 So the boys loaded up their miniature cannon, 
 and tacking a square piece of paper to a tree, shot 
 at this target for a full half-hour, and as they 
 gradually decreased their distance until it was 
 within range, and, indeed, almost within reach
 
 160 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 of their outstretched arm, they soon had it well 
 pierced with bullets. 
 
 Then they again set to work and picked berries 
 for an hour or two, and with their pails about 
 half-full they started back to town, changing 
 arms every thirty yards and sitting down to rest 
 every few minutes; and as wherever they rested 
 they filled in their time in eating out of their 
 pails, they arrived at the stores with the contents 
 of their pails in a somewhat more than decimated 
 condition. They found no difficulty in selling 
 their wares, as there was a brisk demand for 
 berries, although they were somewhat disap 
 pointed at the price, which was but eight cents a 
 quart. As the retail price was from twelve to 
 fifteen cents, they threatened to peddle them out 
 from house to house; but as this involved addi 
 tional carrying of heavy pails, and as Plupy s 
 arms were, as he expressed it, pulled out until 
 they hung several inches below his knees, they 
 closed with the dealer, and divided ninety-six 
 cents for their day s work. 
 
 Then, to fill in the day, they went in swimming 
 at the gravel point, and fished for two or three 
 hours with very indifferent success, and finally 
 arrived at their homes so dead tired that they 
 went to bed before supper, and when their fathers 
 arrived they found their respective sons sound 
 asleep.
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 161 
 
 Meeting Plupy s father that evening, Brad 
 said, "George, I guess ye hit the nail on the head 
 this time. Clar nce wuz asleep when I got home, 
 n I never knew it to happen before sence he was 
 big enough to git around." 
 
 "My boy was, too. He lay there with his 
 hands all stained and scratched, a sort of a 
 blue stain on the ends of his fingers. Guess they 
 must have had him working in lead, solder 
 ing, or something of the kind," said Plupy s 
 father. 
 
 "I guess after about one more day of it they 
 will be ready to go back to school. Nothing like 
 hard work to reconcile a boy to his books. Yes, 
 George, you sartin hit it that time," rejoined 
 Pewt s father. 
 
 Just then Beany s father drove up in a smart 
 rig. 
 
 "Hullo, Brad! Hullo, George!" he shouted. 
 "Got something funny to tell you. When I got 
 home to-night I found out that Elbridge had 
 gone to bed as soon as he got home. His mother 
 said he was just about ready to drop. I thought 
 he must be sick, n so I went in n spoke to him, 
 n whadger think he said?" 
 
 "Dunno, Wats," said Brad. 
 
 "What was it, Wats? " asked Plupy s father. 
 
 "Ha-ha, the funniest thing," laughed Wats; 
 "he half-opened his eyes n said, Had a bully
 
 162 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 time, father, got twelve quarts ; n then he went 
 to sleep again." 
 
 "Ha-ha," laughed George and Brad in huge 
 enjoyment. 
 
 "Twelve quarts; I guess they did; twelve hun 
 dred pounds of lead, I guess. Funny how a boy 
 will dream. It s a good thing to dream of pleasant 
 things after working too hard. It kind of rests a 
 fellow. But he was a game little chap to say he 
 had a good time. I guess he must have been 
 dreaming that, too," said Beany s father. "Had 
 n t we better see Getchell n ask him to go a bit 
 easy on the boys? We don t want to have them 
 break anything or get lame," he went on anx 
 iously. 
 
 "No, Wats," decided Plupy s father firmly. 
 "They won t hurt themselves any. The men will 
 see to that. The only way to drive them back to 
 their books is to make them so sick of their jobs 
 that they will have to quit. Of course, we have 
 got to be pretty careful about it, for if their 
 mothers find out about it, it is all off." 
 
 "That s so, George," said Brad affirmatively; 
 "if S phi found out about this, I dunno ez I 
 should darst to go home." 
 
 "Well, I charged Harry not to say a word to 
 any one," said Plupy s father. 
 
 " N I charged Clar nce," said Brad. 
 
 " N I charged Elly, too," said Wats; "so I
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 163 
 
 guess everything is all right." And the worthies 
 separated feeling that they had secured a grape 
 vine lock on their sons obstinate determina 
 tion to throw away the golden opportunity of a 
 common-school education for which their local 
 town was famous.
 
 VIII 
 
 SHIPWRECKED AND LOST IN THE WOODS 
 
 THE next morning at about eight the boys, 
 still somewhat footsore and stifi[ from hard work, 
 met for the day s journey. First they decided 
 to exchange their ten-quart pails for four-quart 
 pails, which showed that they were boys of excel 
 lent judgment. Next, yielding to a desire on their 
 part to try a part of the country that furnished 
 more attractions in the way of hunting and fish 
 ing grounds, they struck for Kingston Pond. 
 This was a beautiful sheet of water about six 
 miles away, said to abound in perch and pickerel. 
 The distance was great, but they thought the 
 prospect justified them in extra exertions, and so 
 they trusted in fortune. 
 
 It was nearly ten o clock when they arrived 
 there, and they were so hot and dusty that they 
 took a refreshing swim as soon as they could peel 
 their clothes. Greatly refreshed by this, they 
 were fortunate in finding plenty of berries, and 
 by one o clock had filled their pails, when they 
 rested and ate their lunch luxuriously. Then 
 they baited up and fished halfway round the lake, 
 with a success that amazed them and filled them 
 with the greatest delight. Again they swam, tried
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 165 
 
 ineffectually to shoot sandpipers that were flit 
 ting along the beach, and refreshed themselves 
 for their long journey home. It was half-past 
 seven before they had disposed of their berries 
 and fish, which netted them eighty-two cents 
 each, and when they had eaten their supper 
 they went to bed in an exhausted condition. 
 Each one resisted all attempts on the part of 
 their respective mothers to find out what he had 
 been doing, beyond saying that he was working 
 and that his father knew all about it. 
 
 The next morning Plupy s father had time to 
 ask him where he was, so late, and found that he 
 had been in Kingston. He smiled grimly, but 
 only said, "I suppose you have to go where your 
 work calls you." 
 
 ; Yessir," said Plupy. 
 
 The third day was a repetition of the second. 
 The boys walked to the pond, picked their ber 
 ries, swam, shot successfully at a mark and unsuc 
 cessfully at everything else, fished and delivered 
 their wares at a late hour. They were in some 
 what better condition, although very tired. They 
 had caught fewer fish, but these few were grati- 
 fyingly large and netted them rather more, each 
 boy storing away the sum of ninety cents against 
 a time of need. After supper they sat up until 
 about half-past eight, and appeared to be satis 
 fied with their lot in life.
 
 166 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 Their fathers, the conspirators, began to be a 
 bit worried. According to their calculations the 
 boys by this time should be on their knees beg 
 ging to be allowed to go to school. Something 
 was wrong with their calculations. 
 
 So George went over to see Wats, and he and 
 Wats proceeded to Brad s shop for a conference. 
 
 "I did n t suppose for a moment that those 
 little devils would stand out like this," said 
 Plupy s father. "Harry is generally so infer 
 nally lazy that it s as much as we can do to get 
 him to fill the woodbox. And how in thunder he 
 sticks it out to work for Getchell as a plumber, 
 beats me. He comes home so tired that he can 
 scarcely wait to eat his supper before going to 
 bed, and in the morning he is ready to go again. 
 I can t see into it." 
 
 "Nor I can t either, George," affirmed Wats. 
 "If it had been a job of driving a hack for Levi 
 Towle or Major Blake, or handling baggage for 
 the beach teams, or something like that, I 
 would n t be a bit surprised; but for them boys 
 to be set so on learning to be plumbers n lug 
 spipe n lift stoves n put up tin washboiler 
 for sale without gettin sick of it beats me." 
 
 "The time Harry worked for Tom Conner, he 
 only lasted about three days, but that time he 
 was chased out by old Tom because he hit old 
 Tom on the nose with a sling-shot or some sort of
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 167 
 
 a pistol that shot small pebbles or large bullets. 
 Harry always said it was an accident, but I 
 always thought that while, perhaps, it was an 
 accident in hitting him, it was no accident in 
 aiming at him. I went down to see old Tom 
 about it, and he said those infernal boys waited 
 until he stepped into the store and deliberately 
 let drive at him. You know Tom has a pretty 
 big rooter. Well, it must have hit him an 
 almighty rap, for his nose was as red as a beet 
 when I saw him." 
 
 "I think the boys didn t intend to hit him, 
 because I asked Elly about it n he said they 
 were layin for old Gilmore s plug horse to wake 
 him up, n old Tom came around the corner 
 just in time to get it in the bugle," explained 
 Wats. 
 
 "That s what Clar nce said," testified Brad, 
 n I guess t must be so, because I never knew 
 Clar nce to tell me a lie in his life." 
 
 "Good Gad!" exclaimed W T ats. 
 
 "Holy Moses!" shouted Plupy s father. 
 
 "What s the matter?" demanded Brad, giving 
 a start of indignation. 
 
 "Oh, nothin , Brad," said Plupy s father; "I 
 was just thinking of something I had forgotten 
 to order at the store." 
 
 "A cussed hossfly bit me just back of the 
 ear," explained Wats tactfully. "What did you
 
 168 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 say to old Tom? They say he gave your boy a 
 pretty hard canin ." 
 
 "Well, he did; but as I should have done the 
 same under similar circumstances, I was not in a 
 position to say much. I only went down to find 
 out the facts and to satisfy the women folks, who 
 were pretty much excited about it. He claimed 
 that he had lost about fifty dollars by the opera 
 tion and took me out and showed me his coat 
 where he had fallen flat on his back. It was stiff 
 with molasses. I would have given a dollar to 
 have seen it. Harry said that if he had not 
 slipped, himself, he would have got away." 
 
 "Well, so far, the boys hain t got chased out, 
 n t don t seem s ough they would. But why 
 they like it s prises me," said Brad; "but I guess 
 t is because they are working for somebody else 
 than their own folks. Ye remember, George, 
 when we were boys, you alwuz liked to saw 
 wood in my yard better n you did in your 
 own, n I liked to saw wood in your yard bet 
 ter n I did in my own. T is allus so, George, 
 n I guess t will allus be so," concluded Brad 
 philosophically. 
 
 "That will explain a good deal, Brad," replied 
 George; "but there has got to be some fun in it 
 somewhere, to make em stick. There may be 
 some fun in plumbing, but the only fun I ever 
 could see that a plumber got out of life was in
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 169 
 
 making and collecting outrageous charges for 
 everything he did." 
 
 " N often enough for things he didn t do," 
 said Wats, with the deep feeling of one who had 
 lately had some plumbing done. 
 
 "Well, gentlemen," said Pewt s father, "guess 
 we d better let it go a day or two longer. For my 
 part, I expect they ll give up in about two days 
 more, n p r aps one, n I ll bate ye they do." 
 
 So the other worthies, convinced beyond per- 
 adventure of the prophetic vision of that gifted 
 seer, Brad, as well as of his philosophical accept 
 ance of the situation, decided to wait a day or two 
 longer, feeling sure that by that time the boys 
 would be anxious to resume their grammar-school 
 education, which bid fair to be seriously neglected. 
 
 The next morning the boys awoke betimes and 
 ate hugely of the family breakfast, demanded 
 loudly that their dinner-pails be filled a little 
 more solidly and to the brim, and started out in 
 high spirits on their long tramp to the pond. This 
 day they had planned a change of programme 
 which involved a slight change in their bill of 
 fare. They had decided to have fish broiled 
 before a camp-fire. They had decided that, how 
 ever praiseworthy the accumulation of money 
 was, it was not meet that in the accumulation of 
 wealth they should neglect their physical welfare. 
 
 They had added to their income by the sale of
 
 170 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 their fish. They had eaten not a solitary fish, and 
 their appetites, indeed, their whole beings, called 
 loudly for fish. There were fish in plenty and 
 berries in plenty and money in plenty. They 
 were cloyed with berries, they loved money, but 
 they craved fish. Hereafter they would both eat 
 and sell fish. They would sell berries, but would 
 eat not one, at least, not yet. They did n t be 
 lieve they ever could eat berries again. They 
 did n t even hope they would want to eat any 
 more berries. Hang berries, anyway! 
 
 And so, when they arrived at the berry-swamp 
 they picked faster than ever before, and as they 
 wasted none, and had only their pails to fill, they 
 had finished their berry-picking in little over an 
 hour and were ready for the pleasures of the day. 
 Quickly peeling their clothes, they took a refresh 
 ing swim, came out, dressed, carefully concealed 
 their pails of berries and dinner-pails, and baited 
 up. A half-hour later Pewt, in crossing a small 
 brook that led into the pond, found an old, rotten 
 boat, half submerged on the shore of the brook. 
 A loud hoo-hoo drew the attention of Beany and 
 Plupy. 
 
 "Whatcher found, Pewt?" yelled Beany. 
 
 "Found a bully boat, oh, a ripper; come on 
 over here, fellers," yelled Pewt. 
 
 Plupy and Beany tore spattering up the beach 
 and over the smooth stones like sandpeeps.
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 171 
 
 Sure enough, there was a boat, somewhat dam 
 aged, but in farily good condition, considering. 
 
 They tried to pull the boat up the bank, but as 
 it was half -full of water it resisted their utmost and 
 grunting exertions. Finally, by all three getting 
 on one side and lifting until their eyeballs nearly 
 popped from their sockets, they managed to tip 
 it far enough to pour out most of the water, and 
 then, by wading in to their knees and pulling the 
 stern round sharply, they drew it nearly out of 
 the water. Then another titanic heave, and they 
 got the rest of the water out. Then they exam 
 ined it carefully and found that with a little 
 patching up it would do, providing they bailed 
 lustily. There was a small island in the pond with 
 a rocky headland and deep water, where they felt 
 sure they could get some large fish. 
 
 So they set to work, and in a short time had 
 the boat in a fairly serviceable condition and in 
 the pond. The water ran through the cracks 
 rather freely, but with their pint dippers they 
 could bail it out a little faster than it ran in, 
 and they felt sure they would have no trouble, 
 and with Plupy bailing vigorously and Pewt and 
 Beany paddling skillfully with two paddles im 
 provised out of a board, they struck out for the 
 island, a half-mile distant, trusting in that kind 
 Providence that watches over boys, and soon 
 beached their boat on the sandy beach.
 
 172 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 Then they fished, and from the deep water 
 just beyond the rock they pulled out splendid 
 perch, and although it was broad daylight, but 
 somewhat overcast, they caught two or three 
 enormous hornpout, that occasionally bite in the 
 daytime in deep water. Before long they had 
 enough for their meal and to carry home, but, 
 allured by the unusual size of their fish, kept on 
 until their hunger was so keen that they desisted, 
 strung their fish on a long strong withe, where 
 they made a brave show, and started for their 
 boat. 
 
 And now for the first time since they started 
 out in their new profession, Fortune turned her 
 glowing and amiable countenance from them. 
 As they were paddling and bailing in friendly 
 rivalry, suddenly Beany s leg went through the 
 rotten bottom of the craft. Had he left that 
 plump member to stop up the hole, all might 
 have been well, but he exercised his first and 
 primitive instinct, to withdraw that member 
 with a yell of surprise and horror, and a stream 
 of water poured into the doomed craft. 
 
 "She s sinkin , fellers; she s sinkin !" yelled 
 Pewt; "turn her towards the nearest shore; 
 paddle like thunder, Plupy; bail your darndest, 
 Beany!" 
 
 Beany, with great presence of mind, promptly 
 sat down in the bottom of the boat in the hole he
 
 THE LAKK POURED OVER THE SIDE
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 173 
 
 had made, and, as he was an extremely plump 
 youth, for a while the hungry waters of the lake 
 were baffled; but not for long, as, in spite of his 
 generous weight, the rush of the water fairly 
 floated him away from the fatal hole and the boat 
 rapidly began to settle. 
 
 Any one who has been in a boat partly filled 
 with water knows how extremely difficult it is to 
 keep the boat right side up. The slightest move 
 ment rocks the boat, its fluid contents rush to one 
 side, and over goes the boat. 
 
 This was the case with the boys boat. Plupy 
 and Beany frantically paddling, one on each side, 
 kept the boat fairly level, but Beany, in his exer 
 tions to keep his seat and to bail at the same time, 
 rocked the boat. The boys yelled directions and 
 threw their weight on the opposite side. Back 
 she came, the water surging powerfully. More 
 yells and more violent dodging about by the 
 boys, until the lake poured in over the side, and 
 the boat and the boys disappeared in deep water 
 far from the shore. 
 
 Only for a few seconds did the boys remain 
 under, but reappeared sputtering and blowing 
 water from their mouths. Pewt and Beany were 
 good swimmers, but Plupy was a sort of hu 
 man bullfrog, and encouraging one another they 
 struck out for the nearest shore, swimming easily 
 so as not to get what Pewt termed "tuckered
 
 174 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 out," and after a swim of about fifteen minutes 
 they dragged themselves, streaming water and 
 somewhat exhausted, on the beach, and took an 
 account of stock. They had lost their hats, their 
 fishing-tackle, and what was of more importance, 
 their string of beautiful fish. 
 
 "Gosh darn it!" said Plupy, stung to extreme 
 language by the irreparable loss; "ain t that just 
 our thunderin luck! Just as soon as we ve 
 caught the best string of fish we ever caught in 
 our lives before, to lose em like this." 
 
 "Plupe, we can ketch some more," suggested 
 the optimistic Beany. 
 
 "Naw, we can t neither!" snarled Pewt, 
 " cause we ain t got no more hooks n lines." 
 
 "Gosh! that s so, n that makes it worse n 
 ever," lamented Plupy. "Well," he continued 
 resignedly, "I m bout starved. I could eat a 
 raw hornpout. Le s go over to where we left our 
 dinner-pails n dry our clothes in the sun u eat 
 our dinner. Ennyhow, we ve got enough to eat 
 even if we ain t got any fish." 
 
 And now, Fortune, not contented with her ill 
 treatment of the boys, administered another sly 
 rap, probably for old acquaintance sake; for 
 when the boys sought to act on Plupy s advice, 
 they found to their dismay that they had landed 
 on the farther bank of a deep wide stream, and 
 they found themselves cut off from their com-
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 175 
 
 missary department, with neither bridge, ford, 
 nor boat in sight. Immediately there was a dis 
 cussion as to whether or not they should swim the 
 river in their clothes or without them, or walk 
 upstream until they found a bridge or ford. 
 
 Plupy, the human bullfrog, urged the former 
 course, which he advocated as "just s easy as 
 nothin ." 
 
 Pewt, also a good swimmer, was willing to 
 swim the river, but advised removing their 
 clothes, wringing them out, and carrying them on 
 their heads; but Beany, whose long swim had 
 severely tried his powers, absolutely refused to 
 enter the water again under any consideration. 
 
 Then Plupy was urged to swim across and 
 bring back the dinner-pails; but he refused flatly, 
 taking the retributive theory that if Beany was 
 so "scart" and so mean that he would let them 
 starve to death rather than wet his feet again, he 
 would see Beany starve before he would swim the 
 river twice, and for his part he guessed he could 
 stand it as long as Beany could. 
 
 Finally, it was agreed that they should wring 
 out their clothes and hunt up a place to cross the 
 river dry shod, and they stripped and wrung out 
 their clothes powerfully and then donned them in 
 a much wrinkled and somewhat clammy condi 
 tion. Then they started up the stream, and in a 
 short time were in a glow from their exertions.
 
 176 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 Through briers, alders, swampy places, over 
 stumps of huge pines and hemlocks, fences and 
 stone walls, they followed the winding course of 
 the stream for more than an hour, occasionally 
 making a detour to avoid some especially diffi 
 cult place. At last, when they were beginning to 
 despair of ever finding a bridge, they came upon 
 a highway and a strong bridge. Much encour 
 aged, they crossed the river and commenced their 
 journey dinnerwards, their spirits rising and their 
 fatigue disappearing. The other side of the river 
 ran for a mile and a half or two miles through 
 cleared field and pasture, which the boys made 
 at a jog-trot like horses homeward bound with 
 visions of oats, hay, and water before their eyes. 
 They were tremendously disgusted to find at 
 the end of this mile and a half stretch another 
 bridge which they had failed to see in making a 
 detour, and still more pained at finding two more 
 on their further progress towards the lake, one of 
 which must have been within a half-mile of the 
 lake. When they found this out, their feelings 
 were too deep for words, and each one accused 
 the others of advising the detour. Their anxiety 
 to complete their journey and get to their belated 
 dinner stopped the dispute and drove them for 
 ward. And now, as if to offset the smooth path 
 of their return through the cleared land, they 
 came upon a region almost impassable on account
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 177 
 
 of blackberry vines, wild raspberry bushes bris 
 tling with thorns, a tangled network of wild 
 grapevines, and a jungle of underbrush. Here 
 Pewt, the acknowledged pathfinder of the party, 
 proposed an abrupt turn to the right, away from 
 the stream, and in a direction which led to a 
 heavy growth of timber, through which he was 
 confident he could lead them at once to the lake. 
 This seemed reasonable, and they started with 
 renewed hope. 
 
 The timberland was farther than they sup 
 posed, but they soon reached it and bore to the 
 left, but not as much as they supposed, for, after 
 traveling a half-hour, they found themselves ap 
 parently no nearer the lake than before. After 
 an anxious consultation, they started again in a 
 new direction, which they followed for a long time 
 without result. Then they held another and still 
 more anxious conference, at the close of which 
 Pewt, in order to dispel a growing doubt of his 
 ability as guide, volunteered to climb a tree and 
 take an observation, and forthwith shinned up a 
 giant pine to a great height, from which elevated 
 situation he could see several ponds without be 
 ing able to identify the one they longed to reach. 
 However, Pewt professed his ability to lead them 
 in the right direction without further trouble, 
 and on his descent, they started under his guid 
 ance in an entirely new direction, and in about a
 
 178 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 quarter of an hour, to their intense delight, came 
 out upon the shore of a lake. The shout of Xeno- 
 phon s warriors, "Thalatta! Thalatta!" at the 
 long-looked-for view of the sea, was a flute-note 
 compared with the shrill and raucous yells of 
 the three boys when they perceived through the 
 trees the gleaming sheen of water. They were 
 tired, thirsty, and well-nigh hopeless. Before 
 them lay food, drink, and rest, and they rushed 
 through the intervening fringe of trees like w r ild 
 men, only to find themselves on the shore of an 
 entirely different but much smaller lake. 
 
 They were so stunned with disappointment 
 that they dropped on the beach exhausted and 
 almost in tears, and lay there for some time in 
 speechless distress. 
 
 "Well," said Pewt at last, "we re lost fast 
 enough, but we can get a drink of water." And 
 he rose and, lying down on a rock that lay half in 
 and half out of the water, he took a long drink, 
 making way for the other boys who imitated 
 him, much to their refreshment. Then they 
 washed their hands and faces in the cool water 
 and took a more hopeful view of the situation. 
 
 Still, they were quite unhappy and uneasy, 
 and although only the day before they had 
 thought they would never eat another blueberry, 
 their hunger was so great that they spent a quar 
 ter of an hour in eating greedily from a bush
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 179 
 
 of ripe berries near the edge of the water. Al 
 ready the sun was well on its way towards the 
 west and the long shadows were slanting east 
 ward, when they set out again, following the 
 shore of the pond, hoping to find a cart-path or 
 footpath that might lead them to some traveled 
 road. This was a good thought, and within a half- 
 mile they found a wood road that showed signs of 
 recent use, and into which they turned with re 
 newed hope. It led through a growth of splendid 
 pines a most interminable distance. It seemed 
 as if there was no end of towering pines, inter 
 spersed with hemlock and an occasional oak. 
 The shadows darkened, and there was a sepul 
 chral quiet in the woods that oppressed them 
 heavily. Plupy felt a strange comfort in clutch 
 ing his trusty pistol, although it was out of com 
 mission from the accident to the boat. 
 
 "If only a squirrel would chitter or a bird call," 
 thought Plupy, "it wouldn t be so gloomy. * 
 And when just then a "redder" set up a shrill 
 "skirl" of indignation at the three trespassers, 
 they jumped a foot or more in sudden terror. 
 Then a wood thrush set up its evening song, 
 which sounded eerily and uncanny in the twi 
 light of the deep woods. The boys kept closer 
 together. It would have taken but little to have 
 started them running in a panic, but luckily 
 nothing happened.
 
 180 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 By and by it became lighter, the trees were 
 farther apart, and at last they came out into an 
 open pasture through which the cart-path led. 
 The sun was still well away from the horizon, and 
 they followed this path to where it joined a some 
 what disused road, down which and in the direc 
 tion they were going was a house and barn. Joy! 
 they were in sight of civilization, and they has 
 tened their pace as fast as their weary legs would 
 allow them. Again they were doomed to disap 
 pointment, for the farm was deserted. But, at 
 least, the house faced a broad, traveled country 
 road that, as Pewt said, "led somewhere." While 
 they were waiting, uncertain in which direction 
 to go, a young countryman came driving along in 
 an empty two-seated carryall. They stopped him 
 and asked him the way to Exeter. He told them 
 it was about four miles, and said that he was 
 going to Exeter; and upon their asking him for a 
 ride told them he would take them there for fifty 
 cents, and upon their saying they had no money, 
 drove off with a sneering laugh and the words, 
 "Walk there, you little devils." 
 
 Disappointed in not obtaining a ride, but 
 greatly relieved at their escape from a night in 
 the woods, they started limping towards Exeter, 
 when they heard a man shouting to his oxen, and 
 turned to see a burly, bewhiskered farmer driving 
 a yoke of oxen hitched to a haycart loaded with a
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 181 
 
 grandly modeled load of hay. They stopped and 
 drew up at the side of the road to wait for him, 
 and Plupy, encouraged by his good-natured face 
 and his brisk nod, told him of their plight, at 
 which he smote his knee and laughed heartily. 
 
 "Wai, wal, boys, t ain t no laffin matter, I 
 know, cause I ve been in jest such scrapes my 
 self, more n once. I swanny, I wisht I had n t et 
 my supper to home stiddier n bringin it along 
 ez I ginerally do ; I d gin ye the hull on it, that I 
 would, boys. But I 11 tell ye what ye can do. Ye 
 look baout petered aout, n no mistake baout 
 it; yeou jist git up on my load of hay n go t* 
 sleep, n jest ez soon ez I git to the square I ll 
 wake ye up. I m a-goin ez fur ez old Dr. Bill 
 Perry s, jest beyond Major Blakeses tarven. 
 I m tew hours late as t is." 
 
 "How can we climb up there? It s pretty 
 high," asked Beany. 
 
 "Ho, I ll show ye," said their new friend, and 
 taking them in his brawny hands he sent them 
 flying, one after the other, on the lofty load. 
 
 : Thar, now, boys, just git inter the middle on 
 t whar ye won t fall aout n go t sleep," said 
 the good-natured giant, calling to his slow-paced 
 cattle. 
 
 Aloft in the sweet hay the boys were not long in 
 taking his advice, and fell asleep almost instantly. 
 Just before he \vent to sleep, Plupy said, sleepily,
 
 182 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "If I ever get a chance to do something for that 
 man I ll do it," -a pause, then with more 
 vigor, " n if I ever get a chance to lam the snoot 
 offen that feller which would n t give us a ride, 
 I 11 do it, too, - - and a loud snore continued 
 the sentence. 1 
 
 It was nearly dark when the cart stopped be 
 fore Dr. Perry s house in the square and at the 
 head of Court Street, where the three boys lived. 
 A few minutes later three bedraggled, tired, hag 
 gard, and ravenously hungry boys sat down to 
 belated suppers, and astonished their mothers 
 by the almost unlimited quantity of food which 
 they demanded and greedily stored away. After 
 stoutly evading their mothers questions, on the 
 plea that it was a secret, beyond admitting that 
 they had passed a wretchedly disappointing day, 
 they crawled off to bed, almost too tired to un 
 dress. 
 
 That evening the three fathers met on the 
 schoolhouse steps. Ordinarily these gentleman, 
 fatigued with the duties of the day, spent their 
 evenings smoking on the steps of their modest 
 
 1 Curiously enough, twenty or more years later, when Plupy 
 was a practicing attorney in his own town, he became counsel 
 for the farmer who had given them a ride, in a most iniqui 
 tous suit involving the old man s homestead, which was brought 
 against him by this same man; and not only did he win out and 
 save the old fellow s farm, but he gave the plaintiff so scathing 
 a dressing-down that for a long time he scarcely dared show his 
 face in public.
 
 WAL, WAL, BOYS, TAIX T XO LAFFIX MATTER
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 183 
 
 habitations, entertaining the members of their 
 families, and such neighbors and friends as might 
 drop in, with cheerful and enlightening converse. 
 But mindful of the fact that an open discussion 
 of the matter of vital importance could not be 
 held in the presence of any one of the mothers 
 of these boys, without absolute certainty of the 
 exposure and consequent failure of their scheme, 
 they took occasion to hold these little conferences 
 apart from their families in some place conven 
 ient of access and conducive to secrecy 
 
 The three were quite jubilant when they met, 
 and especially lauded Brad for the accuracy of his 
 predictions. 
 
 "It s just as you said, Brad," said Plupy s 
 father, smiling; "about one day more and we ll 
 have those three young rascals promising us any 
 thing, provided we will let them go to school. 
 Lessee, to-morrow is Thursday, and they will 
 have had all they want of work. I guess we had 
 better make them work Friday, and Saturday we 
 can let em rest up. They will need it, too, judg 
 ing from the way Harry looked when he crawled 
 in to supper to-night. I had hard work persuad 
 ing my wife that I was doing the best thing for 
 the boy s interest. If she really knew what sort 
 of work they were doing, it would be stopped 
 pretty quickly, I can tell you." And he replaced 
 his cigar and blew out a fragrant cloud.
 
 184 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 You re right, George," assented Wats; "my 
 Elly came home to-night so tired that he was 
 almost ready to cry. But eat ! I never saw a boy 
 eat so much as he did. He was so used up that I 
 was a little worried, n just before I came over 
 here I went up to his room n he opened his eyes 
 n looked at me n said, * We caught the biggest 
 string of fish I ever saw, n then he was asleep 
 again. Ho! Ho! ain t that the funniest thing? 
 did n t know what he was talkin about; was 
 sound asleep all the time. I never saw the beat 
 of it." 
 
 That s a queer thing about dreams," said 
 George thoughtfully; "you know the saying 
 Dreams go by contraries ; there s a good deal 
 of truth in it. Now, these boys have been work 
 ing like niggers, soldering tea-kettles, putting up 
 stovepipes, piping houses for water, and doing all 
 sorts of hard work that they don t want to do, 
 and only do it to get out of going to school, which 
 they hate worse than work; and as soon as they 
 drop asleep, probably aching in every joint, they 
 begin to dream of going fishing and having good 
 times. I suppose it is a wise provision of nature 
 to rest the mind by taking it from unpleasant 
 things." 
 
 That ain t allers the case, George," opined 
 Brad, with a quizzical smile, "for when me n 
 Wats painted the Goddess of Liberty on the
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 185 
 
 cupola of the town hall, I dreamt I was minin 
 coal a thousand feet down in the ground n that 
 did n t rest my mind much, I can tell you. But 
 I ll admit that dream went by contraries." 
 
 "Well, if things keep this way for about a day 
 more, n the women don t find it out, we are all 
 right; but we ve got to be mighty careful, I tell 
 you," said Wats, impressively serious. "It s 
 gettin mighty near the end of vacation, with 
 school beginnin next Monday, n if the boys can 
 stand a week of this kind of work it will be all up 
 with school for those boys for the next term." 
 And he shook his head despondently. 
 
 "Well, don t get low over it, Wats," said 
 George cheerfully, clapping him on the back; "I 
 tell you, we have got the net right over their 
 heads, and w r e are going to have them kicking 
 and hollering to get out and promising to be 
 good; don t you think so, Brad?" 
 
 "Ther ain t no doubt on t, George; not the 
 leastest mite," said Brad, swinging his feet judi 
 cially, and sending a shot into the darkness, 
 "onless the w r omen get enter what them boys is 
 doin . We got to be a mite keerful o that. I had 
 a mighty narrer escape las night. When Clar nce 
 kem crawlin in, w r alkin limber-legged, he wuz so 
 tired, n et pretty near everything on th table 
 but th crockery n dishes n th tablecloth, 
 n th knives n forks n spoons, n th spittoon
 
 186 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 in th corner, my wife S phi, she up "n said, 
 Bradberry Purinton, what be ye a-doin to 
 Clar nce? I want ter know what that boy is 
 a-doin to rnake him come home every nite eana- 
 most petered out ter nothin ; I want ter know, 
 Bradbury. 
 
 "Wai, I seen I wuz in fer t, n I said, cam n 
 dignified, S phi, thet boy is workin n workin 
 hard, n I m a-doin it fer his good, sez I. 
 
 I know it, Bradbury, said S phi; but don t 
 ye think yer overdoin it a bit? I tell ye, Brad 
 bury, I worried bout it when I see Clar nce 
 comin home too tired ter eat n scarcely able to 
 crawl upstairs to bed, sez she. 
 
 "Great Jerusalem! sez I; too tired to eat! 
 that boy et more to-night than I could eat in 
 three meals, n I m tol able hearty myself, sez I. 
 Well, sez she, lafHn , I dmit he et enough, 
 but he wuz too tired to do anything else, n I 
 wanter know what he is a-doin , sez she. 
 
 "Now, S phi, sez I, I want ye to just trust 
 me to the end of the week n then I ll tell all 
 bout it. Ter sorter ease yer feelin s I 11 tell yer 
 this much: now, Clar nce n that Shute boy n 
 that Watson boy is all a-workin at a good trade, 
 but a hard trade. We s a-hopin they will git so 
 sick on t that they will want to go to school n 
 study like good fellers. Ef they stick to their 
 work, they will learn a good trade that will arn
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 187 
 
 them good wages, more n I m a-gittin , which 
 will be a good thing fer em. Ef they git sick on 
 t, they will be willin to go to school next Mon 
 day n put in like good fellers, which will be a 
 good thing fer em, too. I cal late they re bout 
 ready to gin up now, sez I. 
 
 " Well, Bradbury, - - n I knowed she wuz 
 a-comin round cause she left out the Purinton; 
 when she says, Bradbury Purinton, I know 
 suthin is comin ; sez she, I m a-goin to trust ye 
 till the end of the week n not a day longer, sez 
 she; only I wish Clar nce wuz in better company 
 than them boys, sez she. You see," continued 
 Brad apologetically, "S phi is a leetle preju 
 diced; women sometimes are; you don t mind 
 thet, do ye?" 
 
 "Not a bit, Brad," said Plupy s father heart 
 ily; "I have no doubt these boys have bothered 
 the life out of her. But if either of them or any of 
 the rest of us was sick, she would drop everything 
 to nurse em and look after em, as she has done 
 time and again." 
 
 "That s so, Brad," added Wats fervently; 
 "she is one of a thousand." 
 
 "I guess, gentlemen," said Brad, "that ef all 
 the good in us fellers wuz a-multiplied by five, er 
 p r aps by ten, that we would n t be good enough 
 for our women folks." 
 
 "Not if t was multiplied by fifty," said Wats,
 
 188 MISADVENTURES 
 
 nodding his head sagely, and going the worthy 
 Brad forty better. 
 
 "You re right, Wats," said Plupy s father; 
 "more n that, too." 
 
 "N it s kinder tuff to worrit em so, but we 
 re doin it fer their good n th boys good, too; 
 ain t we, George?" appealed Brad. 
 
 "We are, Brad," said George. 
 
 " You bet," said Wats. 
 
 And they separated in high good humor with 
 themselves and the world at large.
 
 IX 
 
 THE BOYS GET THEIR SECOND WIND GREATLY TO 
 THE DISMAY OF THE CONSPIRATORS 
 
 THANKS to the nap on the hay cart, the hearty 
 and refreshing meal, and about eight hours of 
 sound sleep in their beds, the three boys awoke 
 with their spirits unquenched, and but slightly 
 dampened by their unfortunate experiences of 
 the day before. They were still hungry and a 
 trifle stiff and footsore, but they knew that these 
 ailments would quickly disappear with a little 
 exercise. They felt anxious to be on their way 
 because they felt that they must find their pails 
 or undergo severe penalties and suffer great loss. 
 Besides, as Plupy said, if they found the pails full, 
 as they left them, they could start fishing and 
 swimming, as they need n t pick a single berry. 
 
 So they prudently laid in another supply of 
 lines and hooks, and providentially for them and 
 the scheme of their wily fathers, went to Kelley 
 and Gardner s store, instead of Getchell s, as the 
 latter was a hundred yards or more down the 
 street and they were in a hurry; and in a remark 
 ably short while after leaving their houses they 
 were making excellent time towards the lake, in
 
 190 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 excellent spirits and chattering like a flock of 
 blackbirds. Great was their joy when they found 
 their pails and the contents as they left them, 
 and then they prepared for a leisurely swim, lux 
 uriating in a morning free from carking care and 
 onerous responsibilities. Plupy swam astonish 
 ing distances under water, Pewt dove with the 
 sinuous grace of an otter, and Beany floated 
 without wiggling a toe or a finger, so fat was he. 
 Then baiting up, they cast for perch and pickerel, 
 with most gladsome results. Fortune was again 
 smiling, xerhaps the cheerful courage of these 
 small boys had won her favor. Fish bit greedily, 
 fought gamely, and died hard amid yells of joy 
 from the boys. 
 
 They built a fire at noon and cooked and ate 
 some of their catch. Never had fish seemed so 
 toothsome and delightful. Never did bread and 
 butter, boiled eggs, apple pie, doughnuts, and 
 day-old coffee taste so well. After dinner they 
 rested awhile, went in swimming, dressed, and 
 started home in huge content. The dealers wel 
 comed them and paid liberally for their berries 
 and fish. This night each boy added one dollar 
 and seven cents to his pile of currency, and as it 
 was band-concert night did not go to bed until 
 nine o clock. Their mothers breathed a sigh of 
 relief. But the fathers! What of them? 
 
 That night again the three fathers met after
 
 A LEISURELY SWIM
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 191 
 
 the band concert. This time Brad was not as 
 complacent over his predictions as on the former 
 evening. Something was wrong with his calcula 
 tions, and he did n t like to have his predictions 
 go awry. Both Wats and George were uneasy 
 about it. 
 
 " It looks to me, Brad, as if we were in a corner. 
 I don t like the way things look," said George 
 querulously, as if it were Brad s fault. 
 
 "Well, George, t ain t my fault," said Brad 
 quickly, resenting his tone. "I did n t start this 
 ere thing; it was your proposal, George." 
 
 ; Yes, that s so, George; you got us into this 
 scrape n now you got to get us out; ain t that 
 fair?" asked Wats. 
 
 : Ye-e-s, I suppose I did start the cussed thing, 
 but I had no idea it would work the way it seems 
 to be working," said Plupy s father slowly, realiz 
 ing that it was his move. 
 
 "I had no idee there wuz so much work in 
 them little cusses, no more n I hed an idee a beef 
 critter could fly or a goose could gobble. Mebbe 
 the best thing thet could happen to them or to 
 us is to hev em stick to it. Th ain t no better 
 job than plumbin , now, I tell you," said Brad, 
 bringing out his plug of nigger-head and his knife. 
 
 "The job s all right, Brad ; I m not finding any 
 fault with the job," said George; "a plumber s 
 trade is worth more than a burglar s jimmy to
 
 192 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 make money ! But those boys are not old enough 
 to leave school yet, and we have got to make 
 some arrangement to get them back to school 
 without breaking our word to them. We can t 
 do that, but perhaps we can get out of it some 
 way." 
 
 "Can t we buy em by givin em wages to go 
 to school?" queried Wats. 
 
 "Not if I know myself," said Brad, with a 
 thread of excitement foreign to his placid nature; 
 "onc t I told Clar nce I d gin im ten cents a 
 week to go ter school, n Clar nce he started out 
 ter go reg lar, n then, before I knew it, I wuz 
 payin im ten cents more a week for study in , n 
 ten cents more fer not bein tardy, n ten cents 
 more fer comin right home after school wuz out; 
 n finally, I got mad n told him that ef he 
 did n t go to school reg lar n study, n git thar 
 in time, n come home to his meals prompt, I 
 would welt the tarnal hide offen im; n he done 
 it, I tell you." 
 
 That s right, George; Brad s right; t won t 
 do to pay em. Those little devils would bank 
 rupt us in a month," shouted W T ats earnestly. 
 
 The only way I can see is to wait until they 
 do some sort of mischief that they ought to be 
 licked for, and then, instead of licking them, to 
 order them off to school. That appears to me the 
 only solution of the matter, and unless they have
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 193 
 
 changed considerably within a week, we won t 
 have long to wait," said George hopefully. 
 "Why, only last week Harry did something that 
 I ought to have tanned his hide for, and I would 
 have done it if I had n t laughed so much." 
 
 "What wuz it, George?" said Wats, anxious 
 for a story. 
 
 "Well, you know, his grandmother wears a 
 double set of false teeth, which she takes out at 
 night and puts in a glass of water on a little 
 light stand by the side of her bed. One day last 
 week she forgot them and came down to break 
 fast without them. It was Sunday, and I was 
 there to breakfast. Well, I told Harry to go up 
 and get them for his grandmother, and when he 
 came down, what do you think the little cuss had 
 done?" 
 
 "I dunno, George," said Brad, "onless he 
 broke em." 
 
 "Well, that boy had put both sets into his 
 mouth, and came into the room with a grin on 
 him that reminded one of a cross between a 
 beaver and a pumpkin jack-o-lantern. Well, it 
 was so funny that we all laughed, but it was n t 
 so funny for him, after all, for I thought I would 
 have to split his mouth to his ears to get them 
 out," said Plupy s father. 
 
 "Well, boys," said Wats, "we ve got two more 
 days. If they don t git sick of their jobs by that
 
 194 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 time, we ve got to trust to their doin something 
 Sunday to get licked for, n then we Ve got em 
 where we want em. Whassay, Brad? Whassay, 
 George?" 
 
 "I cal late that s jest what we ve gotta do," 
 said Brad philosophically. 
 
 "You re right, Wats," said Plupy s father. 
 And the three separated thoughtfully. 
 
 The next day, Friday, was one of those late 
 August days when there was a tinge of September 
 coolness in the air, when a boy in good health 
 tingles with life from his head to his toe, and 
 dances along like a yearling colt ready to jump 
 out of his skin with condition, and so these boys 
 awoke and jumped out of bed without yawning 
 and stretching. At breakfast they were full of 
 spirits, and their mothers felt their fears ground 
 less as they beamed upon their hearty offspring 
 and smiled at their appetites, as they packed their 
 dinner-pails to the brim with plain and whole 
 some fare. While they w r ould have given much 
 to know the secret of their hard work, they re 
 spected their confidences and asked them not a 
 question. 
 
 The trip to the lake seemed shorter than ever, 
 the air was so crisp and clear. The full-grown 
 young of the swallows were sitting in rows crowd 
 ing the telegraph wire, and darted upward in 
 clouds when the boys would throw a stick against
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 195 
 
 the wire. The bluebirds were beginning their fall 
 songs, after having disappeared in the pastures 
 during the late spring and summer. The bobo 
 links had completely changed their suits and were 
 flying over the fields with the sharp "spink, 
 spink," which seemed a brisk farewell to the 
 North. Pigeon hawks were numerous, and alter 
 nately hovered with rapidly beating wings over 
 the fields and darted downward upon a field 
 mouse or mole. Far above with motionless wings 
 hung a huge hawk, drifting, with sudden swoops 
 magnificent, from left to right, rising and fall 
 ing with ease, and floating like a thing without 
 weight or care. The corn stood lush and green, 
 the ears well formed, the tassels erect and stiff 
 like bayonets. The potato tops were still green, 
 but verging on the yellow as the tubers ripened. 
 The fields, but lately brown from the hot July 
 and August sun, were becoming green again, and 
 in patches the second crop of pink-blossomed 
 clover attracted bees and vivid scarlet butterflies. 
 It was a day that filled one with the joy of living, 
 and the boys, secure in their promised immunity 
 from school, felt that they were on the high-road 
 to success and prosperity. How lucky and happy 
 they were, and how far away and almost forgot 
 ten were their unhappy experiences of Wednes 
 day! 
 
 Again their day passed in happy work and
 
 196 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 pleasure. They found plenty of berries and filled 
 their pails with dispatch. They swam and dove, 
 ran races on the beach, skipped stones to tre 
 mendous distances, and then fished with unusual 
 success. When their ambitions in that line were 
 satisfied, they sat on the beach at the water s 
 edge and cleaned and scaled several of the smaller 
 fish, cooked them thoroughly in a frying-pan 
 that Pewt had purloined from his mother s pan 
 try, and ate a most hearty and satisfactory meal, 
 with appetites that boys, and boys only, have. 
 Then they rested, told stories, sang, imitated all 
 sorts and kinds of animals and birds, and then, 
 warned by the slanting eastward shadows, took 
 up their full pails and started for home. 
 
 As berries were becoming a bit scarce, they 
 felt justified in charging a cent more a quart 
 for them, which made their receipts fully equal 
 to their best day since they had become self- 
 supporting. Arrived in town and their berries 
 disposed of nearly half an hour before teatime, 
 they took occasion to purchase a few trifles in the 
 way of choice confectionery, which they heroic 
 ally refrained from eating and put in their 
 pockets for after-supper consumption. 
 
 After supper, very much at their ease, they 
 strolled about town, patronized some of their 
 boy friends, whom they made very envious 
 and therefore indignant by talking importantly
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 197 
 
 of business prospects and the possession of great 
 wealth ; hinted broadly of foreign travel in 
 Kingston, Epping, Brentwood, and other distant 
 lands; carelessly drew bills from their pockets 
 and jingled their coin; commented on the mis 
 fortunes of the other boys in having to go to 
 school the next Monday, while they were earning 
 money in important business connections and 
 seeing a good deal of the country; and as they 
 did not divulge to their enviously admiring 
 friends any of the actual incidents of the week, 
 they made their erstwhile friends so disgusted 
 with their superior airs that they jeeringly 
 turned away and left the prosperous trio to stroll 
 along with uplifted chins, not, however, unas- 
 sailed by shrill opprobrium. 
 
 "Ho! huh! them three fellers feel pretty 
 smart," jeered Fatty Melcher. 
 
 "Jest cause they got a leettle chink. Bet they 
 hooked it of some one," said Gran Miller bitterly. 
 
 "Hi, old Plupy; howjer come out on The 
 Lambaster ; who got nearly pulled in that 
 time?" shrilled Pop Clark. 
 
 "How bout drivin a swill cart for old Steb- 
 bins! Phew! keep away from me!" shrieked 
 Skinny Bruce derisively, holding his nose; 
 "pretty smart, ain t yer? Ho ! ho ! old Plupy and 
 Beany and Pewt." 
 
 But the three boys answered in kind:
 
 198 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "Skinny Bruce, what s the use 
 To chew tobacker and spit out the juice?" 
 
 yelled Plupy; and then for Gran Miller s benefit 
 quoted the immortal couplet mentioned by the 
 elder Shute and ending in "Choo, Choo, Choo," 
 followed by 
 
 "Gran Miller Tash, with his pockets full of hash," 
 and, 
 
 "Granville Miller the barber, he went to shave his 
 father," 
 
 which ditties had the effect of inciting Gran to 
 frantic attempts to catch and destroy them, 
 whereat they fled joyously, taunting him as they 
 ran, and dodging the stones he picked up and 
 hurled at them. 
 
 Indeed, it was a great day for the three boys. 
 
 But their fathers were literally up a blind alley, 
 and could only trust in the hope that ill fortune, 
 that so often smote the boys hip and thigh, would 
 yet deliver them into their paternal hands. 
 
 "These little cusses are looking better every 
 night. I d no idea they could stick to a job like 
 that," said Plupy s father despondently, as they 
 met after supper to talk it over. 
 
 "Wai, George, I ain t so much s prised as I 
 might hev been. Ye see, them boys has allers 
 stuck to their jobs ez long ez their jobs has stuck 
 to them. When they run that ere paper of
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 199 
 
 theirn they d a kep on a-printin on t f th 
 fellers they printed things about had n t ha got 
 mad n made things lively fer them n fer us. 
 Ain t thet so?" demanded Brad. 
 
 "Thasso, Brad," said Wats. 
 
 "You re right, Brad," said Plupy s father. 
 
 " N ag in, when they got up thet bill-postin 
 company, they done fust-rate fer a while, n f 
 it had n t been fer thet ere circus feller who got 
 em to put up them ere picters where they did, 
 they might ha been a-postin bills to-day n 
 makin money," continued Brad, pushing a plug 
 of tobacco into the extreme corner of his mouth 
 and wrenching a quid therefrom. 
 
 "That s just about the way t was," admitted 
 Wats. 
 
 "I shall have to agree with you," assented 
 Plupy s father. 
 
 "Then ag in, they d ha done well in carryin 
 papers ef Smith, Hall n Clark hed done right by 
 em, n had n t druv em to strike fer decent pay. 
 I tell ye, I stopped my News Letter that day, 
 n I ain t never goin to take it ag in in my life," 
 said Brad with conviction. 
 
 "Well, Brad," said Plupy s father, "I did n t 
 blame the boys much for wanting more pay, but 
 I did n t quite like the way they went to work 
 to get it. They not only lost their job, but they 
 prevented a good many people from getting their
 
 200 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 Friday paper. But I guess they got hurt more 
 than any one else. But you are right, Brad, 
 about their sticking to their jobs. The thing now 
 is to find some way to break them away from 
 their jobs, so that we can send them to school. I 
 can t just see my way clear to anything; that is, 
 anything fair to them. Of course, we can change 
 our minds, but with our agreement and under 
 standing, I don t feel like doing anything that 
 will make them think that we have broken our 
 word. They accepted our promise, and have 
 kept their word with us, and have worked like 
 niggers cutting down a possum tree, and I tell 
 you, gentlemen, it is a pretty serious situation. 
 Those boys must go to school, but how we can 
 bring it about without breaking our word to 
 them is a problem. Perhaps something will hap 
 pen, but I don t know what." 
 
 "Suthin allers hez happened," said Brad 
 happily. 
 
 "Every time, so far," corroborated Wats. 
 
 "Well, we ll hope for the best," said Plupy s 
 father. And they separated for the night. 
 
 As the next day was Saturday, the boys 
 thought they would introduce a little variety into 
 their day s programme which would serve to pre 
 vent the regularity of their proceedings from be 
 coming monotonous. During the course of the 
 week they had used up their powder and most
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 201 
 
 of their bullets in firing their pistol at a mark 
 and in attempts at shooting squirrels and birds. 
 While they had attained something of a mastery 
 over the weapon when shooting freehanded or 
 with a rest and at a mark or target, they had been 
 utterly unable to hit any living thing. This had 
 been something of a mortification to them, and 
 they decided to put in a good part of the day 
 in shooting. They had seen a cock partridge 
 the day before, and they confidently reckoned on 
 making it warm for him. So Saturday morning 
 they rose early full of this idea, and after break 
 fast hurried downtown to purchase ammunition, 
 and to save time bought their powder and bullets 
 of Kelley and Gardner. They were somewhat 
 inclined to go to Getchell s, and to try to get it on 
 tick by apt reference to the letter of credit; but 
 Plupy had an idea in the back of his brain that 
 he had gone too far for the first time in charging 
 the pistol, ammunition, and fishing-tackle to his 
 father, and felt that he had better not tempt 
 Providence too far a second time. So they di 
 vided the expense evenly between the three, took 
 up their pails, and started for the lake. 
 
 Notwithstanding the fact that they had picked 
 for five days from the supply of berries in this 
 same locality, and had made serious inroads upon 
 what seemed at first to be an endless supply, yet 
 their fingers had acquired so great deftness that
 
 202 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 they filled their pails quicker than they had been 
 able to do the first day out, and they realized that 
 they would have to hunt up a new supply before 
 many days. Yet they had no fear that they 
 would fail to find an ample supply, and felt 
 secure in the future. This day they were too 
 anxious to try their luck with the partridges to 
 think much about the berry-supply, although in 
 their quest for game they meant to keep their 
 eyes open for berries, with a view to profitable 
 business transactions for the next few weeks. 
 They also felt that later in the fall they could add 
 wild grapes to their stock in trade and derive a 
 steady income from it. Later on, they reckoned 
 confidently upon a brisk business in ivory plums 
 and partridge berries. 
 
 Indeed, like prudent and far-seeing business 
 men, they had cast into the future the eye of 
 shrewdness and foresight, although they had not 
 discussed the matter exhaustively as partners 
 should, and as they undoubtedly would do before 
 the time came to act in concert. Certainly with 
 an old cock partridge in the immediate neigh 
 borhood, which was supposed to be the mate of 
 another plump bird and the father of a very 
 numerous family of well-grown young birds, the 
 boys did not bother themselves about the future. 
 
 As soon as they filled their pails, they loaded 
 up the pistol and drew lots for first shot, which
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 203 
 
 fell to Beany, who grasped the pistol and with the 
 other two boys went sneaking, in Indian fashion, 
 through the woods. 
 
 Soon a sharp "chirr" of a "redder" sounded 
 above their heads and the boys froze like well- 
 trained setter dogs. 
 
 "There he is, Beany, right over your head, on 
 that branch. See his tail jerk? Let him have it," 
 said Plupy in a hoarse whisper. 
 
 "Plug him, Beany!" said Pewt sharply; "plug 
 him when he is face towards you." 
 
 Beany raised the pistol carefully and took care 
 ful aim while the little red varmint snickered 
 and chattered. Click ! the hammer came down, 
 but the cap refused to explode and the squirrel 
 darted away. 
 
 "Darn those old caps; they ain t no good," 
 snarled Beany in deep disgust, recapping the 
 weapon. Then the boys waited silently until the 
 squirrel s curiosity overcame his prudence, and 
 he stole down the trunk of the tree to within a 
 few yards of the boys, where he set up a shrill 
 snicker of contempt and ridicule. 
 
 Again Beany, amid the breathless silence of 
 the boys, aimed the pistol and pulled the trigger. 
 Bang I there was a report like a small cannon, a 
 flash, and a cloud of smoke. The squirrel went 
 over backwards and fell from the limb. 
 
 "I hit im! I got im!" shrieked Beany.
 
 204 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "You got im, Beany! You got ini!" yelled 
 the other boys in chorus. 
 
 But no, it caught a limb below, and with fran 
 tic gyrations of tail and body ran along the limb 
 to the trunk, up which he sped like a flash of 
 red lightning and disappeared in the tree-tops, 
 as Beany, wildly excited, fired the second barrel 
 into space in a vain endeavor to stop the squirrel. 
 
 "Gosh! I know I hit him," said Beany; "he ll 
 crawl away and die somewhere," he continued, 
 when suddenly, as if in refutation of his claim, 
 from a distant tree there came a mocking "chir-r- 
 r-snickety." 
 
 "Snicker away, you red-headed little cuss," 
 said Beany balefully; "I ll get you some day." 
 
 Then it was Plupy s turn, and he carefully 
 loaded both barrels and capped them with a 
 careful selection of caps. It was really Pewt s 
 turn, but he generously gave Plupy hi? turn, 
 cunningly judging that two explosions such as 
 Beany s shots had made would drive everything 
 but a red squirrel out of the immediate neighbor 
 hood. Now, this wary woodsman thought that, 
 by keeping Plupy from wandering far afield, he 
 could probably confine his efforts as a marksman 
 to another red squirrel or perhaps a saucy blue 
 jay; whereupon he would take his turn, and he 
 intended to strike for a distant part of the wood 
 where the partridges would be likely to hide.
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 205 
 
 But as every sportsman knows, a partridge is 
 likely to do the thing least expected, and in spite 
 of the noise of the shots and the yells of the boys, 
 this old cock, instead of decamping, waited until 
 Plupy had finished loading, and then with sub 
 lime impudence walked out upon a huge log and 
 stood calmly looking at the boys. Plupy gasped 
 and stiffened and his jaw dropped in astonish 
 ment. For a moment he did not dare lift the 
 pistol, then slowly it came up, but before he could 
 fire the bird sprang into the air with a thunderous 
 roar of wings. Plupy swung in the direction of 
 the whirring bird, shut his eyes and fired wildly, 
 and the thousandth chance won. There was a 
 thump on the ground, a scuffle of beating wings 
 among the ferns, and the boys flung themselves 
 frantically on the convulsively bounding body of 
 the plump bird, shot through the head. How 
 the boys admired him, held him up and contem 
 plated him from every angle, stroked his plum 
 age, "hefted" him, and talked about him. But 
 there were drawbacks to the perfect enjoyment 
 of the other two boys. 
 
 Beany was sure that he could have hit him if 
 he had had the chance, but then he "didn t 
 never have no luck, nohow T ." 
 
 Pewt lamented the fact that he had been fool 
 enough to give up his chance to Plupy, and 
 taunted that gentleman with that fact, and
 
 206 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 claimed that Plupy could not do it again in a 
 thousand tries, in which he was probably cor 
 rect. But nothing could dampen Plupy s joy. 
 He had hit it once and that was enough. 
 
 Then Pewt took his turn at the artillery. In 
 fairness Plupy had one more barrel to fire, but 
 he did not press this claim, preferring to look at, 
 carry, and admire his wonderful bird. For an 
 hour they sneaked and peered and squinted from 
 thicket to thicket. Once, in the deep woods, a 
 partridge rose so quickly and with such a sudden 
 and bewildering roar of wings that Pewt pulled 
 the wrong trigger by mistake, and before he 
 could shift his forefinger the bird was out of 
 sight. This failure moved Plupy to make some 
 remarks about how he did it, and he was grump 
 ily told to "shut up" by the angry and disap 
 pointed Pewt. Finally, they came out on the 
 shore of the lake, and there, in the water, within 
 easy range and right before their eyes, floated a 
 plump little grayish bird, a diver or butter- 
 ball, with which the boys were unfamiliar. 
 
 "Gosh! Pewt, a wild duck; paste him," said 
 Beany. 
 
 "Shut up, you fool; do you want to scare 
 him?" growled Pewt. 
 
 Slowly and coolly Pewt drew up the pistol. 
 He was really a far better shot than the other 
 boys, and things looked bad for the pretty bird,
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 207 
 
 that cocked its head and looked at the boys with 
 its bright eyes. 
 
 Bang ! Spat went the bullet where the bird had 
 floated a second before, but the bird had dived at 
 the flash and disappeared. 
 
 "You ve killed him, Pewt, and he s sunk," 
 yelled Plupy, pulling off his shoes preparatory to 
 diving for him. 
 
 Just then, a hundred yards farther out, the 
 bird came to the surface like a cork and scratched 
 its head with one foot. Again the pistol spoke 
 and a bullet skipped over the water towards 
 the diver, but without splash or whirl it disap 
 peared. For a long time the boys watched. At 
 last, far out on the smooth surface of the lake, 
 it appeared again, and then slowly faded out in 
 the distance. 
 
 The boys then found that they were hot, tired, 
 and hungry. But first they went in swimming, 
 Plupy carefully leaving the partridge where he 
 could cast a protecting eye upon him ; and as no 
 boy in health can help having a good time while 
 swimming, in a moment they were splashing, 
 ducking, and diving in imitation of the escaped 
 bird, and shouting with joy. While they were en 
 grossed in this a pointed nose was thrust out of 
 a thicket, two bushy ears were focused first on 
 the splashing boys, then at the dead bird on the 
 beach. The bushy tail twitched, the muscular
 
 208 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 legs marked time a moment to gain a pur- 
 chase,there was a streak of yellowish red fur, a 
 flash of white teeth, and the bird went into the 
 wood with tremendous bounds in the jaws of a 
 vixen fox, just as Plupy cast a glance towards his 
 prize. 
 
 There was a wild yell of rage and despair from 
 Plupy, echoed by the other boys, and a splash 
 ing, spattering race to the beach in time to see 
 the old fox disappear like a flash over the brow 
 of the incline towards the pasture. 
 
 Wild was the rage and profound the despair 
 of Plupy. For a while he refused to be com 
 forted, but by and by he allowed himself to be 
 tempted to eat his lunch and yielded to his appe 
 tite, and after a good meal decided not to retire 
 from the world or commit suicide. 
 
 As they had not taken any time to fish, they 
 still had an hour or two to use up before their 
 return; and when Pewt proposed that they fill 
 their dinner-pails with berries, Plupy assented 
 wearily feeling that nothing mattered much 
 since he had lost the partridge, and Beany, 
 seeing the others at work and not liking to be 
 out of it, complied with Pewt s suggestion, al 
 though with some reluctance. It took about a 
 half-hour to fill their dinner-pails, and then they 
 rested a half-hour and shot at a mark for prac 
 tice, intending to make an early start for home,
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 209 
 
 calculating that with the added weight of a full 
 dinner-pail they could not make as good time as 
 usual. 
 
 Just before they started, as Plupy was about 
 to take a last shot with the pistol, Pewt sug 
 gested that he hold the muzzle of the pistol 
 against a tree to see how loud a noise it would 
 make. Plupy demurred to this, fearful of the con 
 sequences, upon which Pewt accused him of being 
 scared. Plupy, jealous of his reputation for cour 
 age, walked to the trunk of a smooth maple, held 
 the muzzle of the pistol firmly against the tree 
 and pulled the trigger. There was a terrific ex 
 plosion, a cloud of smoke, a grunt from Plupy, 
 and when the smoke cleared away, Plupy lay on 
 his back, his arms thrown over his head, his right 
 hand clutching the grip of a pistol, and appar 
 ently lifeless. 
 
 The boys shrunk back in horror, and then 
 rushed to his aid and raised him, dazed and 
 wobbly, to his feet. It was some time before they 
 ascertained that he was not seriously hurt, but a 
 rapidly growing lump on his forehead showed 
 that the force of the explosion and the recoil of 
 the weapon had jerked his arm back with such 
 force that he had hit himself a severe punch and 
 had made a mouse on his marble brow. He was 
 otherwise uninjured, but the pistol was a wreck; 
 nothing left of it but the stock and the hammers.
 
 210 . MISADVENTURES 
 
 Why the latter had not cut his head open is one of 
 the mysteries that surround a boy s life. 
 
 The loss of the pistol, following so closely the 
 loss of the partridge, almost robbed Plupy of his 
 recuperative powers, and he became a pessimist 
 on the spot. As they tramped homeward, the 
 two other boys were so full of giggle over Plupy s 
 mishap that they could scarcely conceal the 
 cause of their mirth, which amused them still 
 more. But not alone Plupy, but they themselves, 
 were destined to be pessimists before the day was 
 over.
 
 X 
 
 THE CONSPIRATORS DETECT A RAY OF LIGHT 
 THAT GENERATES HORRID SUSPICIONS 
 
 IT was the custom of the good merchants of 
 that day to send their weekly bills on Saturday 
 to their customers, I will not say victims of 
 the system of credit then prevailing. The cus 
 tomer was supposed to appear at the store dur 
 ing the evening to pay the same and commence 
 a new credit, and to dispute the bill should any 
 error exist. 
 
 This made Saturday evening the busiest even 
 ing of the week. The streets were lined with 
 farm-wagons, the sidewalks crowded with busy 
 shoppers, the shopkeepers genial in the receipt 
 of moneys and the exchange of commodities. 
 
 The boys had arrived home rather earlier than 
 usual and had disposed of their berries for a good 
 price. The receipt of the money had put Plupy 
 in a better frame of mind, and as the mouse was 
 beginning to turn black without causing him any 
 pain, he was beginning to be very proud of the 
 solicitude of the people he met and their open 
 expression of admiration for the way in which he 
 bore the pain of so serious an accident. In his
 
 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 delight in sympathy and admiration, he quite 
 regained his good humor, although he occasion 
 ally put his hand to his head and feigned a 
 grimace of pain. 
 
 As he knew to a certainty that if he went home 
 his mother would put him to bed and send for a 
 doctor, and as he did not want to go to bed and 
 was not in need of a doctor s services, he decided 
 not to go home until bedtime ; and to his sugges 
 tion that the boys get their supper downtown, the 
 boys at once agreed, as a fitting celebration of a 
 week s hard and unremitting toil. 
 
 So they proceeded to Baker Davis s, near the 
 American House, and invested in a supply of 
 cream-cakes, cookies, jumbles, and other dain 
 ties of a somewhat questionable character, and 
 which could be digested in large quantities only 
 by boys of this age, and perhaps ostriches. With 
 these articles in a brown-paper bag tied with 
 white string, they retired to a suitable place near 
 the milldam and ate a very satisfactory meal. 
 
 When Plupy s father arrived home that even 
 ing, he asked about his son, and was told he 
 had not returned from work, which pleased him 
 hugely, as he hoped the boys had experienced 
 a very hard day. After supper he examined a 
 number of bills that had been sent in, among 
 which was a bill from J. Getchell, which he took 
 up with a gleam of interest and a chuckle as he
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 213 
 
 recollected how he had fooled the boys; but his 
 grin faded away as he read: 
 
 3 six-quart pails at 50 cts $1.50 
 
 "Wonder what he used those pails for?" he 
 queried. 
 
 3 dinner-pails at 50 cts $1.50 
 
 "Those are all right, only a thundering price." 
 
 3 belts at 15 cts 45 
 
 "Don t see what they want belts for." 
 
 Double-barreled pistol $2.00 
 
 "What in the devil?" he shouted. 
 
 Powder 28 
 
 "What does that cussed boy think, it s Fourth 
 of July?" 
 
 Powder-flask and bullet-pouch 50 
 
 "Perhaps he thinks the war ain t over!" 
 Rubber Frog 15 
 
 "I 11 rubber-frog him." 
 Hooks and lines 39 
 
 "If Getchell thinks I ll stand any such out 
 rage as this, he ll find he has made the mistake 
 of his life." 
 
 Total $6.77 
 
 Please remit. 
 
 "Six dollars and seventy-seven cents, please 
 remit," shouted Plupy s father; "oh, yes, I ll
 
 214 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 remit all right. I wonder what he thinks I m 
 doing? Fitting out an expedition against Vicks- 
 burg or raising a company? Pails and belts and 
 pistols and powder, eh ! Where s the cannon and 
 the cavalry horses and the shells and mortars 
 and chain shot? Where s the ambulance wagon 
 and the government mules? Gimme my hat!" 
 he yelled, seizing the article, and clapping it on 
 his head, and rushing out of the house. 
 
 So great was his speed that he nearly jumped 
 over the heads of Wats and Brad, who were 
 coming for a conference. 
 
 "What s your hurry, George; goin to start the 
 fire-alarm?" asked Wats jocosely. 
 
 "Th ain t no fight or free lunch downtown 
 that I heerd of, George, so ye better stop awhile," 
 drawled Brad humorously. 
 
 "Look here, Wats; this is no laughing matter; 
 look at this bill that Getchell sent me," howled 
 Plupy s father, thrusting the bill before their 
 eyes. : Two kinds of pails, pistols, powder and 
 balls, bullfrog, fishing-lines and hooks. What in 
 thunder is he trying to play on us?" 
 
 " Us? " said Brad; "I don t see how I come 
 into this. I don t see any charge against me. 
 This seems to be a bill against you." 
 
 "Nor me," said Wats, examining the bill 
 carefully. 
 
 "Well, perhaps you may think so, but I tell
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 215 
 
 you fellows that it concerns you more than you 
 think. When I told those boys to go down to 
 GetchelPs to work, as you told me to, I gave 
 them an order for their supplies, as they were 
 afraid he might not be willing to give them what 
 they wanted. Now, if this bill is right, these boys 
 have hung us up for pails and belts and powder 
 and shot and all sorts of Christmas presents, and 
 I guess you 11 find you are interested as much as 
 I am, although your names ain t on the bill," 
 said Plupy s father convincingly. 
 
 Upon this both Brad and Wats became very 
 much alive to the danger, and suggested that 
 they at once proceed to Getchell s and investi 
 gate the matter. 
 
 "Just going to do it. C m on," said George 
 shortly, and led the way with mighty strides. 
 
 Water Street was alive with cheerful bustle. 
 People were coming from stores, laden with tea, 
 coffee, sugar, calico, ribbons, kerosene cans with 
 potato stoppers on the nozzles, salt mackerel, 
 and dried codfish. Storekeepers were smilingly 
 checking up accounts, receiving cash and checks, 
 while their clerks were displaying goods, rushing 
 from barrel to barrel with tin scoops, weighing 
 the contents in huge tin receptacles on scales, 
 and wrapping them up in brown papers secured 
 by twine. In the stores and on the street people 
 were gossiping in groups, while elderly men sat
 
 on benches in front of the places of business and 
 discussed matters of local and national impor 
 tance and spat thoughtfully. 
 
 It was a busy, happy village scene when the 
 three parents, shoulder to shoulder, with deter 
 mined, frowning faces, strode down the street 
 and into one of the largest stores, known as 
 Getchell s hardware store. They found the pro 
 prietor, a very tall, huge man, with a fine benevo 
 lent face with deep-set eyes peering through 
 spectacles, sitting at his desk. 
 
 "Look here, Joshua," said George, "what is 
 the meaning of this?" And he thrust the bill 
 before his eyes. 
 
 The proprietor took the bill. 
 
 "H m," he said thoughtfully; "three pails, 
 three dinner-pails, pistol, powder, bullets, hooks, 
 lines; h m, I guess you must be thinking of going 
 camping, or mebbe you ve been, George." 
 
 "Camping be hanged," said George rudely. 
 "What do you suppose a man of my age is doing, 
 going camping? I have n t bought any of these 
 things, and I won t pay for them." 
 
 "Well, if you have n t ordered them, you ought 
 not to pay for them; but if you have, well, that 
 is a different proposition," said the proprietor 
 smilingly. "Mr. Willis!" he called to the elderly 
 clerk, "what do you know about this bill, it is in 
 your handwriting?"
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 217 
 
 Mr. Willis, a man with a white chin beard, came 
 forward, nodding smilingly to the three remon 
 strants, and looked up the bill. 
 
 "Oh, yes, I remember," he said; "three boys 
 came in here a week ago, no, last Monday 
 morning, and gave me a note from Mr. Shute, - 
 from you, George, I put it on the book. Here 
 it is," and he handed George his letter of credit to 
 the boys. "You wrote that, I suppose?" 
 
 "Yes," admitted Plupy s father; "I wrote that 
 letter and gave it to the boys. But the under 
 standing was that Joshua here was to furnish the 
 boys with whatever they needed to work for him, 
 and I gave them the letter so that he might know 
 they were all right. You remember that, Joshua, 
 don t you?" 
 
 "Yes, I remember all that about hiring the 
 boys, but as I never heard anything more from 
 you or the boys, I supposed you had given up the 
 idea or backed out. Why did n t you keep your 
 agreement?" demanded the proprietor. 
 
 "Agreement! Keep my agreement! What are 
 you talking about?" gasped Plupy s father. 
 " Don t you know anything about your own busi 
 ness? Those boys have been working here all this 
 week and coming home nearly dead every night. 
 I guess you had better wake up." And Plupy s 
 father laughed derisively. 
 
 "Well," said the proprietor quietly, "it may
 
 218 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 be as you say, George, and these boys may have 
 been working here all the week without my 
 knowing it, but I generally know every one who 
 works for me, and I don t believe I have got out 
 of the habit yet. How is it, Mr. Willis; have we 
 had any new boys working this week?" 
 
 "Th ain t nary boy been round here that I ve 
 seen, not a one, Mr. Getchell. I sh d ha known 
 it ef th hed been," said Mr. Willis decidedly. 
 
 The three fathers gazed at one another in 
 speechless amazement. Finally, Plupy s father 
 recovered his speech. 
 
 "Well, I ll be gin-fizzled!" he ejaculated. 
 
 "Did you ever see or hear tell of such boys?" 
 said Wats, addressing the universe generally, in 
 a tone of conviction that admitted of but one 
 answer. 
 
 "I dunno s I ever did," replied Brad, assuming 
 the duties of the universe, but with characteris 
 tic caution leaving a loop-hole to escape through. 
 
 "Have you seen these boys on the streets this 
 week; perhaps they have made a mistake and 
 went to Kelley and Gardner s instead?" sug 
 gested George, clinging to a straw. 
 
 "But they wouldn t have bought their sup 
 plies here if they had n t understood they were to 
 come here," said Mr. Getchell, preparing Plupy s 
 father for the worst. 
 
 "Oh, I don t know; they might have thought
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 219 
 
 they could go to either place," continued George, 
 still clinging to his straw, feeble though it 
 seemed. 
 
 "But I know they have n t worked either for 
 us or for Kelley and Gardner, for I have seen 
 them on the streets two or three times this week 
 with a fine string of fish," said Mr. Willis, pull 
 ing the straw from under George and ruthlessly 
 letting him down. 
 
 "Fish!" thundered Plupy s father, glaring at 
 the other two. 
 
 "Hooks and lines, thirty-nine cents," quoted 
 Wats in querulous tones. 
 
 "Rubber frog, fifteen cents," groaned Brad, in 
 a tone of shrill conviction. 
 
 "Pistol, two dollars," continued Plupy s father. 
 "Say, Willis," he continued, "they must have 
 shot something. Did n t have a moose or deer, 
 bear or catamount?" he inquired with fine sar 
 casm. 
 
 "Wai, ez to that, I hearn em talkin with some 
 other boys bout shootin a partridge, n a fox 
 gittin it, but I s posed t wuz just boys talk," 
 replied Willis with a tolerant grin. 
 
 "This ere thing must be looked inter," said 
 Brad grimly. 
 
 The three men turned as one and strode out of 
 the store, forgetting to salute the proprietor and 
 his friend.
 
 220 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "Wait a moment, George," said the proprie 
 tor; "you forgot to pay that bill." 
 
 "So I did, Joshua; hang the bill, anyway," 
 growled George, pulling out a leather pocketbook 
 and loosing a long strap, and he paid the bill 
 and joined his friends, and they strode away up 
 the street shoulder to shoulder like Dumas three 
 guardsmen; Wats, debonair, eagle-beaked, with 
 mustache upturned at the ends, and glistening 
 side-whiskers, the gallant Athos; George, tall, 
 broad-shouldered, and good-natured, imperson 
 ating the gigantic Porthos; and Brad, dignified, 
 sardonic, the able and astute Aramis. As they 
 walked up the street, glancing neither to left nor 
 right, people gazed at them in astonishment. 
 Something must be seriously wrong, indeed, with 
 these men, when the ordinary courtesies of life 
 were not forthcoming, the genial smile and 
 jolly nod of George, the courteous inclination 
 and hand-wave of Wats, the dignified salute of 
 Brad. "What can be the matter?" said the 
 mystified peasantry. 
 
 Suddenly the three men met the objects of 
 their search in front of the town hall, strolling 
 along at their ease. The three fathers gasped 
 with surprise to see their offspring so little 
 affected by the hideous secrets in their small 
 bosoms. But inexorable duty spurred them on, 
 and they shrunk not. Advancing, George seized
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 
 
 his offspring by the collar, to that lank youth s 
 unbounded amazement; Brad took his boy by the 
 ear with such vigor that he lifted him from the 
 ground so that he stood on tiptoe on only one 
 foot and his face was drawn awry with a hideous 
 grimace of pain, astonishment, and uncertainty 
 lest the ear give way; while Wats grasped his 
 graceless son by the scruff of the neck as one 
 takes an offending cat. 
 
 "Where have you been this week and what 
 have you been doing?" growled George between 
 his teeth. 
 
 "That s what we want to know," said Brad, 
 lifting a few more pounds. 
 
 "And we re goin to find out," hissed Wats, 
 rattling Beany s teeth with a sharp and vigorous 
 shake. 
 
 "Blueberryin I" gasped Plupy. 
 
 "Pickin bloo-ow! ow! ow! berries," said 
 Pewt, out of the lower corner of his mouth, the 
 upper corner having followed his ear, stretched 
 to the breaking-point. 
 
 " Pup-pup-pup-icking bub-bub-bub-loo-bub- 
 bub-erries," stuttered Beany, as his head oscil 
 lated from side to side and the syllables came out 
 in staccato jerks. 
 
 People passing stopped in amazement, and 
 Plupy s father recollected himself. He released 
 his son.
 
 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "Now we will go to Brad s shop and settle this 
 matter once for all. You boys march ahead and 
 we will follow," he said with authority. 
 
 Brad released Pewt, whose one-sided features 
 settled gradually into place, leaving only an ex 
 pression of complete mystification. "March!" 
 said Brad with military terseness. 
 
 Wats allowed Beany s head to cease its oscilla 
 tions. You travel!" he said succinctly. 
 
 The boys traveled, wondering what the trouble 
 was, but not daring to express any opinion in re 
 gard to it. The three parents followed, shoulder 
 to shoulder. 
 
 "I wonder what those three little devils have 
 been at this time?" said one person. 
 
 "Don t know," said another; "hope they will 
 get what they deserve this time." 
 
 "Pretty bad boys, I am afraid," said a third 
 regretfully. 
 
 "Yep," said a fourth; "they ought to have 
 been killed or sent to jail years ago." 
 
 On marched the three worst boys in the town. 
 
 Their fathers followed in the guise of Nemesis, 
 - three of her, in fact. 
 
 They arrived at Brad s shop, opened the door, 
 and entered. The three fathers followed, closed 
 and locked the door, and lit the lamp. In the dim 
 light of the kerosene filtered through a red flannel 
 wick, their faces looked stern and unforgiving, as
 
 PICKIX BLOO OW ! OW ! BERRIES
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 
 
 ready to do exact justice. Their sons faces ex 
 pressed bewilderment, but little fright, for they 
 were sustained by a sense of right. "They 
 had n t done nothin ." 
 
 Plupy s father began proceedings. "Now, you 
 young rascals, I want to know - " he exploded, 
 when Wats cut in, "Before I tan the hide offen 
 you, Elbridge - when they were interrupted 
 by Brad. 
 
 "Now, George; now, Wats; just lemme talk to 
 em keerful n quiet like. You fellers get too 
 excited. We gotter use some judgment bout 
 this; not blow up like steam b ilers." 
 
 You re right, Brad; we ll leave it to you," 
 said Plupy s father. 
 
 "Go ahead, Brad; we ll keep quiet," said 
 Wats. 
 
 "Now, then, boys," said Brad, "what we 
 wanter know is how come ye to go blueberryin 
 stidder goin to work, th way we told ye tew. 
 Now, tell the truth on t n p r aps we may be a 
 leetle bit easy on ye." 
 
 "Why," said the boys, "Mr. Shute told us to 
 go, n so we done it." 
 
 ; You infernal little liars!" began Plupy s 
 father in great wrath, when Brad interrupted 
 him with dignity. 
 
 "Look here, George; I thought ye was a-goin 
 to lemme settle this ere thing."
 
 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 Plupy s father restrained himself with diffi 
 culty. "Go ahead, Brad," he said, somewhat 
 sulkily; "and you boys tell the truth if you know 
 what s good for you," he said warningly. 
 
 "D ye mean to say, Clar nce, thet George 
 Shute told ye to go pickin blueberries and 
 fishin ?" 
 
 "He didn t say nothin bout fishin , but he 
 told us to pick berries, n blooberries is berries, 
 ain t they?" said Pewt, aggrieved; "ain t that 
 so, Plupy; ain t that so, Beany?" he demanded 
 of the other two boys. 
 
 : Yes, he did, too," said Plupy and Beany in 
 unison, casting reproachful glances at Plupy s 
 father. 
 
 "Of all the infernal- began George, but 
 Brad cut him short with a wave of the hand, and 
 a "Now, Mister Shute," and George subsided. 
 
 "And old Shute I mean Mr. Shute told 
 us to go to old man Getchell s and get what we 
 wanted, and give us a note and we done it," 
 continued Pewt; "ain t that so, fellers?" 
 
 " Yes, that s so, Pewt; he done it," shouted the 
 boys in corroboration. 
 
 "H m," muttered Brad, casting an expressive 
 look upon Plupy s father, who was with diffi 
 culty restraining himself from springing upon 
 his accusers and destroying them. 
 
 "Wai, f he gin ye a note to git supplies to go
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 225 
 
 a-blueberryin , whadger git a pistol fer?" adroitly 
 cross-examined Brad, "hey? Whadger git a dan 
 gerous n deadly weepon fer?" he repeated, 
 feeling that he had his witness in a corner. 
 
 "Well, Plupy done that," said Pewt, at which 
 George gave a convulsed start and glared bale- 
 fully at his son. 
 
 "Hum; so Plupy done it, did he? Wai, whad 
 ger gotter say bout it, Plupy?" demanded the 
 inquisitor, turning to Plupy, who colored with 
 embarrassment at having the matter thrust upon 
 his shoulders. 
 
 "Well, I -- that is, I kinder thought, s long as 
 we was goin to work in the woods, that p r aps 
 we might meet a bear or a tramp or suthin , n 
 p r aps we needed a pistol to protect ourselfs; n , 
 ennyway, they is bears sometimes round blue 
 berry patches, sometimes," he continued ear 
 nestly. 
 
 "Wai, f George told ye ter go blueberryin , 
 whadger go a-fishin fer?" queried Brad. 
 
 "Why," said Pewt, taking upon himself the 
 burden of answering the last question, "we 
 thought you would n t mind, s long s we filled 
 our pails first, n we did every time; did n t we, 
 fellers?" 
 
 "Yes, we did," assented the "fellers." 
 
 "Whadger do with the berries?" pursued 
 Brad.
 
 226 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 "Sold em to old man Conner s store," an 
 swered Pewt. 
 
 "Whadger do with yer fish?" persisted Brad. 
 
 "Et some n sold the rest to Oliver Lane," 
 said Pewt readily. 
 
 "How much money did ye get?" asked Brad 
 with deep irony. 
 
 "I got six dollars n fifteen cents." 
 
 " N me, too," said Beany. 
 
 " N me, too," chipped in Plupy. 
 
 The three fathers looked amazed, whereupon 
 the boys displayed their wealth. 
 
 "Now, fer the life of me, I hain t the leastest 
 idee why you boys went blueberryin when you 
 were told to go to work for Getchell. Th ain t no 
 mistake, is they, George? " Brad asked, turning to 
 Plupy s father in bewilderment. 
 
 " No, sirree ! " said George; " I told them as plain 
 as I could that they were to learn plumbing." 
 
 That s so," said the boys, wagging their 
 heads in vigorous assent; "that s just what he 
 said n that s just what we done." 
 
 "But what has blueberryin got to do with 
 working in a tin-shop?" demanded Brad indig 
 nantly. 
 
 "But he didn t say nothin bout workin in 
 no tin-shop," chorused the boys; "he told us to 
 go down to old man Getchell s to get what we 
 needed to go a-plummin !"
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 
 
 "But what s blueberryin got to do with 
 plumbin !" snarled Brad impatiently. 
 
 "Why, darn it all, father," said Pewt, in dis 
 gust and desperation, "ain t it plummin to go n 
 git blueberries or raspberries or ivory plums or 
 candy plums or any kind. What s the matter 
 with you? We done jest as he told us to, n we 
 ain t had no thanks for it, n we - 
 
 But he got no further. Once before George s 
 hearty laugh and keen sense of humor had saved 
 the situation, and again he broke out, "I ll be 
 gin-fizzled if these little devils won t be the death 
 of us, Brad." And he roared in paroxysms of 
 laughter, while Wats slapped first one leg and 
 then the other, tottered to the side of the room 
 and doubled up until the tears ran down his face, 
 and Brad, leaning back in his chair and open 
 ing his mouth until his eyes were tightly closed, 
 cackled with delight like a hen. 
 
 Long they laughed until the boys began to 
 grin and finally to laugh from the contagion. At 
 last, from sheer inability to laugh longer without 
 breaking something necessary to their raiment or 
 welfare, they stopped and explained matters to 
 the boys, and then, telling the boys to remain a 
 moment, they went out to discuss the matter. It 
 required but little discussion, for they were de 
 lighted at the turn things had taken, which gave 
 them an opportunity to conclude matters very
 
 228 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 much to their satisfaction and the welfare of the 
 boys if not their wishes in the matter. Then they 
 returned, after certain moneys had changed 
 hands, and Plupy s father explained to the boys 
 kindly that the whole affair had been an unfor 
 tunate misunderstanding; that they appreciated 
 the good intentions of the boys, the fairness and 
 faithfulness with which they had carried out their 
 part of the agreement; but that, as the agreement 
 had been misunderstood by both parties, each 
 and all of the contracting parties were relieved 
 from any further obligations under it. 
 
 "But how bout goin to school; don t we git 
 out of that?" demanded Pewt, aggrieved. 
 
 "No, boys," replied Plupy s father kindly. 
 " We cannot in fairness to you let you quit school. 
 It may seem hard to you now, but when you are 
 older you will realize that we are doing the right 
 thing by you, and you would never forgive us if 
 we did otherwise." 
 
 "Huh!" said Pewt, in deep disgust; "that s 
 what they all say after they has got through 
 school n ain t got to go any more." 
 
 "Huh!" grumbled Plupy. 
 
 "Huh!" groaned Beany. 
 
 "But in consideration of your hard work, we 
 will let you have the money you earned, but we 
 must have that pistol," he continued. "Where 
 is it?"
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 
 
 "It s busted," said Plupy; "Pewt stumped me 
 to hold it against a tree n fire it, n I wa n t goin 
 to take no stump from nobody, n I fired it n it 
 blew up n hit me this lick in the head." And he 
 pointed to his mouse, which had gone down per 
 ceptibly, but was still quite in evidence. 
 
 "For Heaven s sake, don t you ever think?" 
 snorted Plupy s father in disgust. "I s pose if he 
 had stumped you to jump into the river, you 
 would have done it, would n t you?" 
 
 "I might ha done it if he d stumped me," said 
 Plupy, hanging his head. 
 
 "Well, boys, let the pistol go, but we will take 
 the pails until - 
 
 "Until you go plummin again," said Brad. 
 
 "Huh!" said the boys, with deep feeling.
 
 XI 
 
 THE COUNTY FAIR 
 
 AND so as fate had ordained and the three 
 fathers planned, the boys went to school the next 
 Monday. They went with some reluctance, for 
 they had talked and bragged a good deal to their 
 friends about quitting school for good and all, 
 and they felt sure that these friends would have 
 a bit of fun at their expense. But they were, even 
 at that day, skilled politicians, and knew well 
 that a "pull" with the higher powers would help 
 them mightily, and they proceeded at once to 
 prepare this pull. 
 
 There were several boys somewhat their su 
 periors in age and very much so in fistic ability. 
 These were Scotty Brigham, Tady Finton, and 
 Jack Melvin. To have offered or given either of 
 these boys a bribe to thrash any one would have 
 brought on the giver an immediate "lickin ," but 
 a proffer of dainties as a matter of friendship 
 brought about a sort of defensive alliance that 
 might at any time become an offensive one, so 
 narrow is the distinction in the case of armed 
 neutrality among nations and schoolboys. 
 
 And so by this judicious distribution of small 
 portions of their store of refreshments they became
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 231 
 
 in high favor with these juvenile Heenans, and 
 after several sarcastic youths had been caught 
 and severely "lammed" by these gifted pugi 
 lists, and the three 4 boys had themselves con 
 quered in battle some shrill but insignificant ene 
 mies, they found going to school again was not 
 half as bad as they had feared. 
 
 Then again the tale of their adventures at the 
 lake, and in particular the stirring relation of the 
 sinking of the boat, the long swim of the boys 
 which had been magnified into a two-mile swim, 
 and the rescue of Beany in the last stages of ex 
 haustion, as well as the shooting of the cock par 
 tridge " bigger n a turkey gobbler " and its rape 
 by a fox, were themes that earned them a fear 
 some reputation. 
 
 And so with the advent of the football season, 
 the pea-blower season, and the season of bone 
 clappers, the month of September passed in 
 peace and plenty. Then in early October came 
 the great event of the year, -- the Rockingham 
 County Fair. To us who attend the huge Agri 
 cultural Fair of to-day, with its interesting but 
 abominable Midway, its magnificent array of 
 blooded stock, its splendid racing and horse 
 show, its automobile and aeroplane death- 
 daring, its wonderful demonstration of farm im 
 plements and machinery, the old-time fairs may 
 seem of trivial importance.
 
 232 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 But no. In our boyish vision the old Rocking- 
 ham County Fair, held in Exeter in the six 
 ties, was the most marvelous exhibition ever 
 held on the American continent, its exhibits the 
 most gorgeous, its horse-racing the most exciting, 
 its pulling-matches with oxen, its ploughing- 
 matches with oxen and horses, the most stupen 
 dous contests ever dreamed of. Why, how long 
 would an automobile truck of one hundred horse 
 power stand up against old William Conner s 
 string of three yoke of Hereford oxen under the 
 goad? "Huh!" and again, "Huh!" --with an 
 accent of utter contempt. 
 
 What of the pacing record of 1.58J as against 
 the 2.39J of some of the trotters and pacers of the 
 sixties. Well, I guess if the modern trotters and 
 pacers were put on the little half-mile track in 
 Exeter in the old days, beside old "Sheepskin," 
 with Wake-up Robinson in the sulky, or with 
 Scott Locke behind "Nellie," or Ben Adams be 
 hind "Old Regulator," where would the modern 
 pacers and trotters be? : Tell me that, fellers; 
 jest tell me that! Huh! Well, I guess! Huh!" 
 
 It was, indeed, a great time. The course of 
 years has brought us the World s Fair in Phila 
 delphia in 1876, the Chicago Exposition of 1893, 
 that of Buffalo in 1901, of St. Louis in 1904, of 
 Seattle in 1909, and one is projected for San 
 Francisco in 1915; but where are they in com-
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 233 
 
 parison with the old Rockingham Fair on the 
 Gilman Field in Exeter, New Hampshire, U.S.A., 
 in the sixties. Where are they, I say? And 
 again, "HuLi" 
 
 The old town was in the throes of prepara 
 tion for weeks before the event. The field of 
 afternoons was alive with teams working on the 
 grounds. The track was leveled as far as practi 
 cable and the grass mowed and all refuse raked 
 up and burned. The fences were repaired; new 
 posts put in and all freshly whitewashed. The 
 sheds were repaired, and put in good shape; 
 new booths erected for the exhibition of cattle, 
 horses, sheep and swine, and fowl; ground broken 
 for the pulling-matches, and countless other tasks 
 performed. As the grounds were surrounded by 
 a high board fence, and as every year numerous 
 peep-holes were excavated by small boys who 
 were unable to get in, and who with great in 
 genuity knocked out knot-holes and made aper 
 tures by pulling out decayed parts of the boards, 
 naturally a great amount of work was absolutely 
 necessary to put this bulwark in such condi 
 tion that not even the prying eyes of the non- 
 paying patrons of the fair could penetrate its 
 secrets. 
 
 Then there were hay, grain, and stubble to 
 buy for the ruminants; the judges stand to be 
 reinforced with additional props to its weather-
 
 beaten, spindly, and tottery legs, so that the 
 hoarse gentleman with the huge black mustache 
 who leaned out of his eyrie and occasionally bel 
 lowed "Go!" -but more often rang a large 
 dinner-bell to a procession of wildly scrabbling 
 horses and his companions, who compared 
 watches at the end of a race and wrangled un 
 seemly, might not come to everlasting smash as 
 did one Humpty Dumpty. All this, done under 
 the eyes of the small boys, did much to whet their 
 ambitions for the future and to distract their at 
 tention from their daily school tasks. 
 
 As the day of the fair approached, strange peo 
 ple began to arrive. A grimy individual with 
 peaked cap, driving a rangy, gamy-looking ani 
 mal in a prodigiously high-wheeled sulky, under 
 which dangled a pail, a roll of blankets, an extra 
 whip, and a pair of rubber boots, attracted imme 
 diate attention as a famous driver of an equally 
 famous trotter or pacer. A diminutive, bandy 
 legged gentleman in topboots, much too large 
 for his skinny legs, mounted on a flat saddle 
 strapped to a giraffe-like equine, the rider s knees 
 on a level with his ears, and his head sunk be 
 tween his shoulders, bespoke some well-known 
 and daring jockey with a runner in a direct line 
 of descent from "Flying Childers." And for a 
 week or more the boys gathered at the track 
 before and after school, on the chance of seeing
 
 235 
 
 these gentlemen fly round the track on a practice 
 spin with these wonderful animals. 
 
 Happy the day and fortunate the youth who 
 could get the coveted opportunity to lead around 
 a blanketed horse in the cooling-out process 
 after a warming-up heat, or who could carry 
 w^ater for, or hand brushes or currycombs to, 
 the drivers who acted as grooms, trainers, and 
 rubbers-down to their skinny charges. At about 
 this time the local horsemen began to put on 
 fearful and wonderful costumes and to drive 
 through our streets at highly irregular gaits. To 
 see old "Wake-up" Robinson astride a two-story 
 sulky coming down the street behind "Old 
 Sheepskin," so called because of the heavy sheep 
 skin padding he wore on breastplate and breech 
 ing, his driver s long black whiskers streaming 
 away behind and over its wearer s shoulders, his 
 peaked cap with long visor pulled down over his 
 eyes, and his wide grinning mouth emitting his 
 hoarse war-cry from which he derived his nick 
 name "Wake-up," was a sight for the gods. 
 
 On this occasion that eminently dignified and 
 respectable storekeeper, Henry Dow, at the 
 "Sign of the Big Boot," an immensely tall and 
 dignified man with a crest of long hair that re 
 minded one forcibly of a blue jay, daily climbed 
 aboard an unusually tall and spindly sulky and 
 held the "webbings" over a dappled, switch-
 
 236 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 tailed pony of not over fourteen hands, which 
 gave him the appearance of driving a sheared 
 sheep, and jogged him up the street to the track. 
 
 Even that pillar of the Advent Church, the 
 venerable Nathaniel Churchill, could not refrain 
 from exercising his smooth roadsters in a road- 
 cart or four-wheeled skeleton wagon, although 
 his religious scruples and strict puritanical up 
 bringing did not allow him to indulge in horse- 
 racing. Indeed, he did not even attend the fairs 
 to witness it, although the struggle between his 
 perfectly natural desire and his religious views 
 must have caused the good old man untold suf 
 fering. And as he was unquestionably the best 
 horse-breeder and judge of horses in the county, 
 and possibly in the State, it was a great pity and 
 a loss to the town, and to him, for he had some 
 real horses. 
 
 The track upon which these memorable races 
 were held was peculiar in several respects. In the 
 back stretch there \vas for several rods a hollow 
 where the road fell away rapidly, then as rapidly 
 regained its level. Beyond this for fully one hun 
 dred yards was a dense growth of scrub pines 
 that effectually concealed the progress of the 
 horses from the anxious gaze of those financially 
 or otherwise interested in the race, which added 
 to the delightful uncertainty of the contest, and 
 made the choice of a favorite a most hazardous
 
 WAKE-UP ROBINSOX BEHIND OLD SHEEPSKIN
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 237 
 
 pursuit. Indeed, horses having a record in the 
 thirties, and on that account acclaimed as sure 
 winners, ofttimes came in disgracefully in the 
 rear of two-forty -five trotters, and were lucky if 
 they w r ere inside the distance flag. 
 
 It came about in this way: A horse driven at 
 top speed at a trot or pace, suddenly dipping into 
 the hollow, was thrown out of its stride, lost its 
 legs, and had to gallop to keep from falling. If by 
 any possibility the horse was sturdy and steady 
 enough to hold his stride when going downhill, 
 he was practically certain to lose it coming out 
 of the hollow. So it became the practice of the 
 drivers on approaching the hollow to loosen their 
 reins, stimulate their horses by a cut of the whip 
 and a loud yell of encouragement, take both 
 slopes at a furious gallop and trust to luck and 
 skill to pull their horses to their stride just before 
 they came out of the woods and into the gaze of 
 the hoarse gentleman with the enormous mus 
 tache, and of his horsy friends who compared 
 watches at the finish. 
 
 In this way a horse that could gallop might, 
 although far behind at the dip, arrive at the home 
 stretch in advance of a much faster and steadier 
 trotter or pacer, and stand an excellent chance of 
 winning the stakes. This led to many protests on 
 the part of drivers who claimed that they were 
 designedly fouled by rivals, and much unseemly
 
 238 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 language was indulged in by participants in 
 the races which led to fist-fights, in which the 
 whole neighborhood of the finish-line became em 
 broiled. 
 
 Again, the strain on the fragile and ofttimes 
 rickety wooden sulky wheels was very great at 
 the rise from the dip, and occasionally splintering 
 crashes were heard, and from the shadow of the 
 woods bounded frantically kicking horses, driver- 
 less, and attached to one-wheeled and splintered 
 sulkies, and followed at a distance by limping and 
 swearing men, who on reaching the judges stand 
 raised their hands to high Heaven and invoked 
 curses on their successful rivals. Indeed, a horse 
 race at the old Rockingham Fair was a thing of 
 powerful uncertainty, and of an attractiveness 
 far superior to anything of modern times, and the 
 populace crowded to see and occasionally to take 
 part in some of the exciting phases of the sport. 
 
 Then, there was the slow race, where to insure 
 the utmost speed possible and to prevent each 
 owner or driver from trying to win the race by 
 driving his horse as slowly as possible and taking 
 up the greater part of the day in accomplishing 
 a mile, each man entering a horse had to drive 
 his rival s horse and have his own driven by the 
 rival, and each man stimulated his rival s horse 
 to his utmost speed in order to win the race by 
 beating his own horse.
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 239 
 
 This also created a deal of interest; and as each 
 man literally lambasted his rival s horse, the 
 finish of the race frequently brought the drivers 
 into fistic collision as they viewed the welts on 
 their damaged plugs. However, no professional 
 training was necessary for this race, unless it 
 might be training of a pugilistic nature which 
 was of the greatest possible assistance. 
 
 For many evenings before the opening day of 
 the fair, the Exeter Cornet Band practiced with 
 hideous intonation and terrific ensemble, which 
 was the sweetest possible music to the boys, who, 
 with troops of others, spent their evenings in and 
 around the high-school yard chasing, dancing, 
 wrestling, yelling, and jumping fences and strad 
 dling posts, while the band, aloft in a back room 
 of the old town hall, long since abandoned as the 
 seat of the municipality, and the home of Tor 
 rent No. 3, collared and threw such masterpieces 
 of music as the "King John March," "Shoo, 
 Fly, Doan Bodder Me," the "Washington 
 March," the "Mulligan Guards," and other 
 fortissimo selections. 
 
 Plupy, however, was always present at these 
 rehearsals, but never joined in these mad scenes 
 of riot and jollity. Instead, he sat on the stairs of 
 the band room, as near to the door as he could 
 get, and drank in this flood and tempest of sound 
 as one entranced. Poor boy; he was born with a
 
 240 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 most intense love of music, and thought a bands 
 man a being far higher than a governor or even a 
 president. He had for a long time been trying to 
 earn and save money enough for a cornet, but, 
 being of a convivial and somewhat self-indulgent 
 nature, had drawn on his fund so frequently that 
 it had never risen to a point of accumulation 
 at which the purchase of a cornet was remotely 
 probable. But these rehearsals, far exceeding in 
 number the regular weekly rehearsals, made an 
 other element in the popularity of the fair. 
 
 Rooms at the various hostelries were engaged 
 in advance by gentlemen in high boots, paper 
 collars, false bosoms, and detachable cuffs. Stall- 
 room for horses was bespoken. The clerks and 
 proprietors of the Squamscott (Major s), the 
 American (Levi s), and the Granite House 
 (Hoyt s) became bustlingly active, affable, and 
 polite. The saloons, long since defunct, thank 
 Heaven! had laid in heavy supplies of fiery and 
 controversial liquors and were confidently reck 
 oning on a heavy business. 
 
 Morning and night the hopeful farmer curried 
 and rubbed down his pet cow or brood mare 
 with colt, viewed his mammoth squash, his ele 
 phantine pumpkin, apoplectic apple, or blushing 
 peach. Daily the thoughtful wife watered and 
 coaxed her brilliant asters, braided her rugs, and 
 consulted the cookbook and her neighbors for
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 241 
 
 effective recipes for bread, pastry, and culinary 
 dainties, all for exhibition in the "Ladies 
 Department." Octogenarians recalled their 
 choicest tales of "ye olden time," and had 
 mother overhaul their broadcloth coats, their 
 stovepipe hats, and gray woolen trousers. Octo- 
 genarianesses sewed the thirty-five hundredth 
 patch of dimity or silk or calico, and "nary one 
 alike," on her patchwork quilt, and confidently 
 awaited first, second, third prize, or honorable 
 mention. 
 
 The daughter of the house painted astonishing 
 pictures in most amazing colors, or wove "God 
 Bless Our Homes" in rainbow hues, and drew 
 astounding animals in black and white, which she 
 labeled for identification as a matter of conven 
 ience to the judges. The scholars in the public 
 schools prepared writing-books, with a variety of 
 ennobling sentiments, in the finest and most 
 elaborate of long hand, while the drawing-teacher 
 took down from the wall of his room the pen-and- 
 ink sketch of an impossible deer and an equally 
 fabulous bird of paradise that had cost him 
 prodigies of penmanship and marvels of careful 
 erasure. 
 
 Indeed, every kind and condition of men, wo 
 men, and children were vitally interested in this 
 fair and looked forward to its event with the 
 greatest of pleasurable anxiety. The old fair was
 
 242 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 like the game of golf : every one who desired could 
 play it with satisfaction. Unlike that game, every 
 one wished to play the fair, and did; and with 
 that condition of public sentiment, what wonder 
 that our three boys were well-nigh crazy with 
 delight. 
 
 The schools were to have a three days vaca 
 tion, the life of the fair. Inasmuch as the entire 
 Prudential and School Committee were either 
 officials of the fair or exhibitors, and the honored 
 principals of the high and grammar schools were 
 enlisted as marshals, and entitled to wear the 
 crimson sash and to brandish the baton covered 
 with gilt paper and further embellished with rib 
 bons, as a badge of authority, and as most of 
 the female teachers had charge of the school 
 exhibit of writing and compositions, a vacation 
 was absolutely necessary, and the matter had 
 been accomplished with a great deal of tact, 
 diplomacy, and finesse on the part of these 
 shrewd instructors. 
 
 The afternoon before the fair was almost as 
 interesting as the first day. Bronzed and hardy 
 farmers led immaculately clean cows through the 
 streets, blanketed in gay colors, with "Maud," 
 "Genevieve," or some other endearing or de 
 scriptive name stitched in scarlet on their gaudy 
 coverings. Occasionally in the haste of prepara 
 tion the blankets were accidentally changed, and
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 243 
 
 one might see a savage-looking bull led through 
 the streets with the name "Annie Laurie," or the 
 legend, "This animal gave thirty -two quarts of 
 milk in one day." Or a line-back "mooley" 
 might bear the embroidered name of "Prince 
 Edmund." These were purely accidental errors; 
 but a painful lack of a knowledge of history was 
 betrayed when the proud owner of a huge bull 
 named George Washington advertised him in 
 glaring blanket capitals as the father of a long 
 line of distinguished progeny, and an equally 
 proud exhibitor of a noble cow had named her 
 Queen Elizabeth, and on her blanket was a dec 
 laration that she was the dam of three pairs of 
 twins within three years. 
 
 There were tents containing a two-headed 
 calf, a horse with five legs, an educated pig, and 
 an armless man who could write his name, or 
 for that matter any person s name, with his toes 
 (there were no Poles, Russians, Lithuanians, or 
 Armenians in America in those days) , and would 
 do so for a consideration. There was, of course, 
 the living skeleton, his companion, the pinky- 
 white fat woman, and the dreadful bearded lady, 
 the sleeping beauty whose bosom rose and fell 
 rhythmically as long as Jimmy turned the crank. 
 There was a long, polished case on wheels, with 
 small peep-holes of polished magnifying glass, 
 through which holes, at the modest price of one
 
 244 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 penny, you gazed enthralled upon colored prints 
 from the then very recent war of the rebellion, 
 with which you were probably familiar from 
 the pages of Harper s or some other magazines, 
 but without the coloring and enlargement. Pie 
 and coffee stands, lemonade booths, ginger-pop 
 stalls, and counters for the serving of plain beans 
 and brown bread were knocked together of pine 
 boards and tenpenny nails. 
 
 It would require a book to tell the various 
 attractions, exhibits and amusing episodes of that 
 fair. They were crowded into three days, and it 
 was, indeed, three days of thrilling enjoyment for 
 the boys, and Plupy was especially fortunate in 
 securing a season ticket in this manner: Charles 
 Taylor was an official of the fair management, 
 occupying the position of commissary -general to 
 the livestock department; that is, he was the 
 official purchaser and distributor of the hay, 
 grain and roots, straw, and other provender for 
 the various kinds and conditions of animal in the 
 fair; and as such he was a very busy man, and to 
 facilitate his rapid transit he had borrowed of his 
 particular friend George, Plupy s little mare, 
 Nellie, the very animal with which Plupy and the 
 politician had made that speed record but dis 
 astrous trip to Hampton Falls. This loaning of 
 the horse gave, as may be supposed, peculiar 
 privileges to Plupy, which that youth extended,
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 45 
 
 whenever possible, to his two cronies, Beany and 
 Pewt. 
 
 It also transpired that the use of Nellie by the 
 worthy commissary furnished a good deal of ex 
 citement for our friends and for the patrons of 
 the fair, and a great deal of embarrassment to the 
 book-makers and betting men. Nellie was quar 
 tered in the horse-sheds with distinguished com 
 pany, having a stall of her own and other furni 
 ture necessary to the comfort of a race-horse, to 
 which she had not been accustomed, but which 
 she took to like a duck to water; for one of 
 the grooms and rubbers-down of the trotters 
 and pacers daily rubbed, curried, bandaged, hot- 
 watered, cold-creamed, massaged, and in other 
 ways testified to his appreciation of certain for 
 bidden favors extended to him by the good- 
 natured but designing commissary. 
 
 In this way, and with generous feeding, the 
 little animal was ready to jump out of her skin 
 with spirits, and as she darted down from place 
 to place on her errands with the commissary she 
 attracted much attention by her good looks and 
 her rapid gait. She was a bit tender in her fore 
 feet for pavements, which circumstance had 
 brought her within the range of Plupy s father s 
 modest pocketbook; but care and the soft coun 
 try roads had practically cured her, and a week s 
 care by an expert stableman had worked wonders.
 
 246 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 There were races during the afternoons of the 
 three days, which races commenced at two o clock 
 and were generally finished by five, unless dead 
 heats rendered an extra heat or two necessary 
 to a decision. Beginning with the lower-class 
 horses, the 3-minute class, the 2.48, the free slow 
 race. The second-day card was the 2.44 and the 
 2.40 class and the pacing race for stallions. The 
 third, which was the great day, offered, as a 
 climax programme, the 2.36 and 2.30 trots and 
 the free-for-all, with a purse of $175 with $100 
 for first, $50 for second, and $25 for third horse. 
 In this free-for-all any one, who fancied his horse 
 and could raise an entry fee of ten dollars, could 
 take part in the race; but, as the purse brought 
 out the best horses, it was seldom that a really 
 mediocre horse was started. Indeed, it occurred 
 not infrequently that a horse that had previously 
 trotted in a low-time race, not previously holding 
 a fast record, would make it extremely interest 
 ing for the favorites, and render the long-shot 
 men in the betting correspondingly jubilant at 
 the close of the race. It was this that made the 
 free-for-all the race par excellence of the fair, and 
 the nerves of the book-makers and betting men 
 exceedingly banjoey during the heats. 
 
 The days had passed in a riot of good times 
 for the boys, whose appetites were insatiable. 
 The good old town had an air of demoralization.
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 247 
 
 paper littered the streets leading to the grounds. 
 Unfortunates without legs sat on the pavements 
 and ground hideous and unfinished symphonies 
 on tiny box-organs: I can distinctly remember 
 some of these tunes after a lapse of over forty 
 years. Demoralized county sports leaned against 
 posts and spat and swore. Marshals in gaudy 
 sashes clattered up the streets. There were vil 
 lage cut-ups with their girls promenading with 
 red balloons and riding-whips bound in blue and 
 crimson-paper ribbons. A man who could play 
 phenomenal cornet solos on a tin-tunnel, includ 
 ing the "Wood-up Quickstep," called crowds to 
 his broad platform, where he sold them bottles 
 of cure-all warranted effective for all ills ranging 
 from bunions to religious controversies. The 
 town hall was the theater of the horticultural, 
 patchwork, tidy, and art exhibit, and the steps 
 were littered with peanuts and the remains of 
 countless lunches. The governor had arrived, 
 and was escorted to the fair grounds by the band 
 and a detachment of veteran soldiers and the 
 entire force of marshals in a champing, curveting 
 line. The crowd was immense; the two races had 
 been trotted amid great excitement ; and the final 
 race of the day, the free-for-all, was called. 
 
 Just before the last heat of the previous race, 
 Plupy, who had accompanied a sweating trotter 
 to the stables to see him rubbed down and
 
 248 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 cooled, to him an interesting sight, and to 
 drink his fill of the spicy and instructive remarks 
 of the stableman, overheard something that 
 filled him with an idea almost too big for him to 
 grasp. One of the rubbers, incensed at the poor 
 showing of his charge, profanely allowed to his 
 mates that he would be blankity blanked if he 
 couldn t take that little bay mare, Nellie, and 
 clean out half the racers in the stable. Plupy 
 gasped at the brilliancy of the idea that sud 
 denly struck him, and he edged nearer the 
 group. 
 
 "Say, that s my horse you are talking about; 
 d ye s pose they would gimme a chance?" he 
 asked. 
 
 The grooms laughed and said, "Any one can 
 enter a horse for the free-for-all that can raise 
 ten dollars for the entry fee." 
 
 Plupy gasped at the enormity of the amount, 
 sighed at the recollection of his depleted cornet 
 fund, and his jaw dropped in despair. Had he 
 known this at the opening of the fair, he and 
 Beany and Pewt could have pooled their pos 
 sessions and have made up the entry fee; but, 
 alas, to quote again from Dumas immortal hero, 
 "Nothing remained but bitter memories." 
 
 But the groom suddenly came to his assistance. 
 "Look here, fellers, what s the reason we can t 
 dress this young feller up in a driver s suit and
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 249 
 
 cap, hook up the mare, and have him drive in 
 with the rest? The chances are that nobody will 
 know the difference, and he may get a chance. 
 Whadger say?" he demanded. 
 
 It is not my purpose to record here just about 
 what they said. It was exceedingly profane, but 
 very much to the point. Would the little feller do 
 it? The little feller would, and rapid preparation 
 began. Plupy was invested with a spotted shirt, 
 a yellow cap with an immense visor, a whip, and 
 a pair of gloves, all of which were much too large 
 for him. The cap in particular rested on his ears, 
 the generous spread of which prevented him 
 from being totally eclipsed. In fact, he looked 
 like a suit that had been discarded and thrown 
 into a corner. As he desired above all things to 
 escape recognition and expulsion, this was very 
 much to his taste. Meanwhile the grooms in 
 structed him in the code of the track. 
 
 "You ll hafter take th outside, the farthest 
 horse from the pole horse. In turnin to score, 
 allers turn to the left. Don t let yer hoss break 
 at the line, or ye 11 be sent back. It don t mat 
 ter if you are a bit behind at the start; you can 
 make it up with a good horse; but don t start 
 ahead of the pole horse or they ll ring you back. 
 N if you git a chance to pass a hoss, don t cut in 
 ahead of him unless you are at least a length 
 ahead or they ll protest you. Mind this; don t
 
 250 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 git the pole behind a leadin hoss, or you 11 git in 
 a pocket." 
 
 "What s that?" asked Plupy. 
 
 "Why, it s this: If you git behind a hoss at the 
 rail, n another hoss gits on your right, there 
 ain t no way to git out nless you jumps over or 
 pulls yer hoss back n goes round em, n yer 
 can t do neither thout losin the race. Unner- 
 stan ?" 
 
 Plupy understood. 
 
 "N one thing more; don t try to beat every 
 body the first time round, n don t let go of yer 
 hoss when a driver runs by yer. Runnin don t 
 count, n no feller can run by the wire a winner. 
 Th only place to run a hoss is when you get to 
 the dip; run her then, but take her down to a 
 trot as soon as you get outer the dip. Some of the 
 green drivers run their hosses until they come 
 out of the woods, n by that time th hoss has got 
 into his runnin stride n it s hard to pull him 
 down, n a square trotter may beat him out at 
 the finish. 
 
 "Now, don t get excited. Talk to your horse 
 quiet like. Th other drivers will yell like In 
 dians n try to make yer mare break. Just tend 
 to keepin yer mare straight, n when you come 
 outer the woods th second time round, put for the 
 wire as fast as you can ithout makin her break. 
 Now, don t be a bit afraid; they can t do no more
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 251 
 
 to ye than takin yer outer the race, n I guess 
 ye 11 git one heat trotted, ennyway. There goes 
 the bell now. Wait till most of em gits out. 
 Sorry ye ain t got time for a warmin -up heat, but 
 t won t be safe. 
 
 "There goes old Wake-up Robinson with 
 Sheepskin n Benson with Flyin Cloud, n 
 Nealey Travers with Billy Boy, n old man 
 Dow with that dock-tailed pony; beat him, 
 ennyway, whatever you do; n hello! there s 
 Jim Flanders with Rex. You ll do well if you 
 can get inside the distance with that hoss. He s 
 flighty n if he gets nervous, Jim can t keep him 
 on his feet. Go ahead now," said the groom, who 
 had been examining the harness and sulky while 
 talking, loosening a strap here, tightening one 
 there, pulling the sulky back to see that the little 
 mare had breeching room. "Go ahead." And 
 giving Plupy a last instruction to keep cool and 
 keep his horse cool, he gave him a clap on the 
 shoulder and the little mare a pat on the flank, 
 and they were off. 
 
 To this day Plupy has never forgotten his in 
 tense pride and fear as he trotted on the track in 
 company with these great drivers: pride in his 
 horse and in his own importance and fear that he 
 might be detected and humiliated before the 
 crowd, and in particular fear that his father, who 
 with his sisters was in a row of seats, the prede-
 
 252 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 cessor of the grand stand of later days, might 
 recognize the horse and him and publicly lam 
 baste him. Knowing, however, that Nellie, in 
 her strange harness and vehicle, looked unfa 
 miliar and like a rat, and feeling that he looked 
 like nothing else under the sun, he hoped not to 
 be recognized. 
 
 As he drove to the scoring-line, there was a 
 laugh at his ridiculous appearance, but admiring 
 comments on his horse, and something in the 
 gait of the little mare at once caught the crowd. 
 
 "Go it, Tom Thumb," bellowed a big voice to 
 the small boy. 
 
 "Don t let em break yer hoss, scarecrow," 
 shouted another. 
 
 "Look out for old Wake-up," continued a 
 third. 
 
 Plupy nodded and grinned, but his heart was 
 thumping so loudly that he could hear it, and 
 there was a lump in his throat that nearly choked 
 him to death. Then the bell rang, the mob of 
 horses started with a rush for the wire, and with 
 them charged the little mare, pulling double. 
 Plupy was behind on the outside, but Rex broke, 
 and the bell rang. Plupy pulled and talked the 
 mare down and turned her, nearly colliding with 
 Sheepskin and earning a hearty curse from old 
 Wake-up. 
 
 As they came back to score, Plupy s father,
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 253 
 
 whose eye had been caught by Nellie the moment 
 she entered the track and who had been staring 
 intently at her, suddenly recognized her and her 
 driver, and hurried out of the stand and rushed 
 towards the track shouting to his metamorphosed 
 son to "come out of that." 
 
 He was too late, however, for the bell rang, and 
 with a rush they started for the wire, just as 
 Beany and Pewt, with eyes standing out a full 
 inch, shrieked, "Plupy! Gosh! It s Plupy," and 
 jumped up and down in excitement. 
 
 The horses in an unbroken line swept by the 
 wire. "Go!" bellowed the starter. 
 
 The crowd cheered. It was a start. Sheepskin 
 had the pole, and at once took the lead, closely 
 followed by Flying Cloud. A half-length behind, 
 with his nose at Flying Cloud s saddle, came 
 Billy Boy, with the Dow dapple about on a line 
 and a full length behind, and on the outside came 
 Nellie and Rex, going like clockwork. Along the 
 first half the dapple gave way to the little mare, 
 who came up to Billy Boy s throat-latch, with 
 Rex even with the mare, and Rex s driver grin 
 ning good-naturedly at the boy. 
 
 "Steady she is, lad," he cautioned. "I m goin 
 to win this race if Rex is not too cranky ; but do 
 your best ; don t let your horse get away from you 
 at the dip." 
 
 Plupy nodded and watched his mare. The
 
 254 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 wind was singing in his ears and he was tingling 
 all over. 
 
 They were at the dip, and the horses took it at 
 a furious gallop, Plupy keeping well to the out 
 side for safety and anxious not to unduly excite 
 the mare, and had her going steadily fifty feet 
 beyond the dip, passing Billy Boy, whose driver 
 had trouble in pulling him down. Meantime Rex 
 had left the mare, was rapidly overtaking Flying 
 Cloud and Skeepskin, going like a machine with 
 a beautiful stride, and they passed the wire the 
 first time down with Skeepskin a nose ahead of 
 Rex, who was rapidly overtaking him, Flying 
 Cloud at Rex s wheel, and three lengths behind 
 came Plupy s little mare, leading Billy Boy by a 
 short head, while the dappled pony trailed four or 
 five lengths in the rear. 
 
 The people yelled encouragement. 
 
 "Go it, you little devil!" roared one man lean 
 ing over the rail. 
 
 "That s the boy for you!" shouted another. 
 
 "Steady!" shouted the groom; "keep her 
 steady; don t let em break her!" 
 
 Pewt and Beany cheered shrilly, "Go it, 
 Plupe! Put on the whip! Beat old Whiskers!" 
 
 Plupy s father waved frantically, forgetting 
 his scruples as he saw how the game little mare 
 stuck to the leaders. 
 
 One hundred yards from the wire on the first
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 255 
 
 quarter of the second lap, Rex put on a burst of 
 speed that left Skeepskin and Flying Cloud in 
 the rear, and the little mare lost a half-length in the 
 spurt which the gray made to keep up with Rex, 
 but gained a half-length on Billy Boy as that 
 trotter felt the strain of the pace. 
 
 Then Rex went off his feet in a tangled break, 
 and before he reached the dip was passed by both 
 the gray and Flying Cloud and went down the 
 incline neck and neck with Billy Boy, whose 
 driver had driven his horse to a gallop a good 
 hundred yards from the dip and had passed 
 Plupy s mare, to the speechless dismay of Beany 
 and Pewt and of the crowd, whose sympathies 
 were with the boy and the gallant little horse. 
 
 "Nealey s too much for the boy; beat him by a 
 trick," said one. 
 
 "Too bad," said another; "I thought the little 
 cuss might have a chance, but he don t know the 
 ropes like an old-timer." 
 
 "He ll be out of it before they get out of the 
 woods. Watch out now," as the whistling of 
 whips, the yells of the drivers, and the rapid beat 
 of flying hoofs were heard. "Here they come," 
 yelled hundreds of voices, and the crowd rose to 
 its feet in excitement as the horses burst out of 
 the woods, Sheepskin a length to the front, its 
 driver leaning forward, plying the whip and yell 
 ing his war-cry of "Wake-up, thar! Wake-up,
 
 256 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 thar!" in a voice like a fog-horn, while at his 
 wheel was Flying Cloud going like a whirlwind 
 and Benson yelling like a demon, neck and neck 
 with Billy Boy, whose gallop had rested him and 
 whose driver cursed and whipped as the trotter 
 went off his feet. But what was this? For still 
 on the outside two lengths to the rear and two 
 hundred yards from the finish came a little bay 
 mare with her neck stretched forward, her trim 
 ears laid flat to her head, her mane flying, and 
 her slim legs going like piston-rods in a wild 
 engine, while on the sulky, with hair flying and 
 cap gone, eyes blazing and shrill voice encour 
 aging the mare in a high squeaky falsetto, sat 
 Plupy. 
 
 The crowd went wild. Shouts, shrieks, bellows 
 of encouragement, and hoarse directions were 
 showered on the driver. Beany and Pewt yelled 
 like ones possessed, while the groom leaned over 
 the rail until he held on by his eyelids. 
 
 She has passed the plunging Billy Boy; she is 
 up to the Cloud s wheel, to his flank, his saddle, 
 she creeps up to his throat-latch; she is by him, 
 a head, a neck, a half-length; she is clear, and has 
 lapped the big gray fifty yards from the wire. 
 
 The driver s whiskers stand out straight be 
 hind him ; he sees the little bay head at his elbow, 
 and down comes his whip on the gray again 
 and again. He yells and swings his whip, wildly
 
 SWEEPS ACROSS THE WIRE A LENGTH AHEAD
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 257 
 
 trying to break up the little mare; but he might 
 as well try to stop the flight of time. She 
 reaches his saddle, then his shoulders, and then 
 with a mighty burst of speed passes him and 
 sweeps across the wire a length ahead. 
 
 How the crowd roar and cheer! The groom 
 comes rushing into the ring and unchecks the 
 little mare, blankets her, and gives her a mouth 
 ful of water. She is dripping, and her nostrils are 
 dilated and her satin skin a network of throbbing 
 veins. Other grooms rush in and shout profane 
 congratulations to Plupy, who is in a daze of 
 delight. He can scarcely believe it true. He has 
 beaten all these race-horses in a real race. Nellie 
 has done it, and both he and Nellie are famous. 
 
 " Gosh ! " he exclaimed in amazement. "Gosh ! 
 We done it." 
 
 But as the grooms led away the horses, in front 
 of the judges stand the drivers, headed by old 
 Wake-up, wrangled profanely, and protested 
 against the race. 
 
 That mare hain t entered, n wa n t on the 
 score-card, n ain t got no right to be in the 
 race," barked Wake-up hoarsely, brandishing his 
 whip. 
 
 "Shut up, Whiskers," said a man in the 
 crowd; "you re mad cause the little feller beat 
 ye!" 
 
 "I can beat that mare ten lengths in the half-
 
 258 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 mile and distance her in the mile, n I ll do it, 
 too, if she is entered fair and square," yelled 
 Wake-up, his whiskers bristling with rage. 
 
 "Ah-h, you could n t beat a stone boat 
 hitched to oxen with that old crow-bait," shouted 
 another; "why don t you give the boy a chance? " 
 And the crowd cheered and groaned. 
 
 "I ll pay the entry fee," yelled a man, pulling 
 out a roll of bills, "and I ll back that mare and 
 the boy for anything any one wants to cover." 
 And he flourished his bills at the crowd amid 
 cheers. 
 
 "I protest; t ain t reg lar; th mare had 
 oughter been entered before the race; I protest," 
 yelled the driver of Flying Cloud to the judges. 
 
 "Don t blame ye; I d do it if I hed to drive 
 thet ole caliker plug of yours," yelled another in 
 the crowd, at which there was a shout of laugh 
 ter. 
 
 "We gotter drive bosses cordin to the rules," 
 barked W r ake-up. 
 
 "That s a durn sight more n you ever did, ole 
 furze brush; ye tried to break up the boy s hoss 
 when he was passin ye. You drive cordin to the 
 rules! You never did that in yer life," said an 
 other angrily. 
 
 " What do you say, Flanders ? " some one asked 
 the driver of Rex, who had said nothing. 
 
 " I say, give the boy a chance. I 11 beat him if
 
 259 
 
 I can, but I ll beat him fair. And I ll pay his 
 entry fee if none of his friends will," said Flan 
 ders, with a good-natured grin. The boy s all 
 right, and the mare s all right, and I say, give 
 em a fair chance at the purse." 
 
 "Good boy!" yelled an enthusiast; "that s 
 what I call square." 
 
 "Give the boy a chance," shouted the crowd, 
 jostling and crowding around the judges stand. 
 "Give em a chance," they roared, "or we ll pull 
 the stand down." 
 
 "Gentlemen," roared the big- voiced starter, 
 "this race is goin to be on the square, whether 
 you pull the stand down or not. I d like to see 
 the boy win, but he did n t enter his boss before 
 the race, and he can t do it after one heat. The 
 protest is sustained." 
 
 "Aw ! Pull him out of the stand ! Give us a fair 
 judge. Call off the race," roared the crowd, 
 surging towards the stand. 
 
 Things were looking very bad for the judges 
 and the drivers when Plupy s father, who had 
 been making a hurried but devious passage 
 through the crowd of people and carriages, 
 jostled his way through the jam in front of the 
 judges stand. 
 
 "Look here, gentlemen," he said, facing the 
 crowd; "hold on just a minute. I ve some in 
 terest in this matter. The boy is mine and the
 
 260 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 mare is mine, and I m not going to allow my boy 
 to drive another heat. I did n t enter the mare, 
 and did n t know anything about it until I saw 
 her in the track. I came here to see the race and 
 I believe in it, but as long as my boy is under my 
 authority, he does n t drive race-horses. When he 
 grows up, he can do as he pleases, but not now." 
 
 The crowd was variously affected. Some ap 
 plauded, some hissed, some groaned. 
 
 But Flanders shouted, " Gentlemen ! the boy s 
 father is right and the judge is right. Better let 
 the race go on. I want to get Mr. Robinson s 
 scalp, myself," he added, grinning broadly, at 
 which the crowd cheered and laughed uproari 
 ously. 
 
 "One word more, gentlemen," said Plupy s 
 father. " If Mr. Robinson is anxious to see a race, 
 I ll put up a hundred dollars against his fifty 
 that I can step into the sulky and beat him with 
 that little mare, one heat, best two in three, or 
 three in five, and I never drove a race-horse in 
 my life." 
 
 "Ah-h-r-r!" sneered that gentleman; "you 
 could n t raise a fifty cents." 
 
 "Couldn t, eh?" said Plupy s father, pulling 
 a wad of bills out of his pocket and flourishing 
 them before Wake-up s face. "That money was 
 earned honestly and not by pulling good horses 
 or throwing races. Now, cover it if you dare, and
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 261 
 
 bring out your horse. Only you ll drive fair for 
 once, you old whisk-broom, you; for if you try 
 any games with me, I 11 not only beat you, but as 
 soon as the race is over, I 11 pull you out of that 
 gig of yours and dust this whole track with that 
 old stable-broom you wear on your face." And 
 he thrust his fist full of bills so close to that be- 
 whiskered gentleman s face that he took several 
 quick steps backward. 
 
 This time there was no question about the ap 
 plause. The crowd yelled with delight and jeered 
 the discomfited driver as he hastily strode to the 
 stables without covering the bet. Whereat Plupy s 
 father grasped his staring and open-mouthed son 
 by the hand, and said, "Come, hurry up, get out 
 of that infernal rig of yours, and don t you ever 
 do that again as long as you live." And they hur 
 ried to the stables, followed by Beany and Pewt 
 and a train of retainers, where they found the 
 groom hard at work on the mare. 
 
 When told of the decision, the groom was ex 
 ceedingly profane, and allowed there was no 
 justice in this world anyway. 
 
 But for the glow of winning this heat, Plupy 
 would have been bitterly disappointed in not 
 securing a part of the purse; but after the race, 
 in which old Sheepskin and his driver were 
 disgracefully beaten, not only by Rex but by 
 Flying Cloud and Billy Boy, to the huge and out-
 
 262 MISADVENTURES 
 
 spoken delight of the crowd, Flanders, the good 
 natured driver, sought him out and gave him 
 a five-dollar bill and several hundred dollars 
 worth of good advice in regard to racing. 
 
 "Keep out of it, boy. Horse-racing never did 
 any man any good. It leads to drinking and card- 
 playing and gambling. I m making money now 
 at it, but I m going to quit it as soon as I 
 can. This may be my last race. I hope so, for 
 I ve seen too many men go to the devil with it. 
 The saddest thing in the world is a broken-down 
 driver, and they mostly become broken down 
 before they quit. So promise me you 11 keep out 
 of it, boy." And he offered his hand. 
 
 Plupy promised, and shook on it; a promise, I 
 am glad to say, he has kept to this day.
 
 XII 
 
 THE COLOR LINE 
 
 Eeny, Meeny, Miny Mo, 
 Carpe negrum digito, 
 Sin exclamat relinquo, 
 Eeny, Meeny, Miny Mo. 
 
 THE five dollars, so generously given by the 
 driver, put the boys finances again in good con 
 dition. Plupy first got the bill changed into 
 specie, as seeming much more tangible and easily 
 handled, and, putting a part of it away in hoard 
 to make good the depletion of his cornet money, 
 kept the rest for daily use. So much in those 
 days could be bought for a few pennies that the 
 sum he reserved for his daily needs should have 
 lasted a long time. Still, arrow-rifles were expen 
 sive, costing fifty cents each, and arrows costing 
 five cents each are easily lost and very fragile. 
 Pea-blowers, although not expensive, cost some 
 thing, as well as the other necessaries of life; that 
 is to say, sling-shots, dime novels, B. B. shot, 
 really one of the vital necessaries, glue and 
 paste, kite twine, white mice, tin whistles, box 
 traps. So it was not long before poor Plupy 
 began to feel the pinch of dire poverty. 
 
 Beany, who was a spendthrift of a gastronomi-
 
 264 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 cal turn, was also in financial straits. Pewt, who 
 was of a somewhat thrifty turn of mind, always 
 had money, and always wanted more, and so he 
 was eager to embark in any scheme of industry 
 or adventure that promised a fair return. 
 
 They had long since decided that they could 
 dispense with fame. Fame always seemed to 
 entail heavy responsibilities. It seemed a pre 
 cursor of misfortune. Had they not obtained 
 both fame and comparative fortune on several 
 occasions, and had not fame robbed them again 
 and again of their fortune and deprived them of 
 their advantageous business connections? Away 
 with fame ! Hereafter they would follow fortune. 
 Henceforth they were practical utilitarians, and 
 had their eyes open for opportunities. 
 
 They were willing to work to a reasonable 
 extent, but not to become dull plodders. The 
 different lines of industry that had known them 
 had offered marked opportunities for adven 
 ture. In several the extent of these opportuni 
 ties had been undreamed of by them. Dull, plod 
 ding, uninteresting toil had no charms for them. 
 Perhaps that was the reason why they never 
 attempted to secure engagements in sawing or 
 chopping wood. Indeed, it was only through stern 
 parental command that they could be prevailed 
 upon to do such tasks at home. 
 
 And so to those who knew and appreciated
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 265 
 
 their peculiar qualities, it may have been inex 
 plicable that these three boys should go into 
 the charcoal delivery business. In those days the 
 charcoal business flourished exceedingly in the 
 fall of the year. Large vans were seen on the 
 streets every day, heaped full of charcoal, and 
 generally drawn by emaciated plugs that seemed 
 cruelly overloaded until one reflected that char 
 coal was one of the lightest substances in com 
 mon use. These vans were driven by gaunt and 
 hollow-cheeked men, so sooty and blackened 
 that their nationality was known only by the fact 
 that they were so much blacker than negroes. 
 
 Charcoal was then as much of a household in 
 stitution as soft soap. To-day both substances 
 are but little known. Charcoal was obtained 
 by burning wood usually birch, beech, or some 
 other hard wood in kilns or mounds from 
 which the air was excluded, something, I imag 
 ine, on the principle of the fireless cooker of 
 modern times. The result was that after days, if 
 not weeks, of steady but retarded combustion, 
 the fire died down from sheer sulkiness, like a 
 small boy who feels himself unappreciated, leav 
 ing a mass of intensely black charcoal. 
 
 A charcoal-man always exercised a subtile fas 
 cination over the boys. He smelled of the woods; 
 also quite strongly of a black clay pipe which, in 
 contrast to the Stygian blackness of his acquired
 
 complexion, seemed of a soft gray color, and in 
 which he smoked the strongest of nigger-head 
 plug, a very appropriate name under the cir 
 cumstances. This tobacco burned very freely and 
 sent out vast clouds of rich blue smoke. It is 
 probable that, as the tobacco was ground fine 
 between the horny palms of the charcoal-man, it 
 acquired additional fuel from the acquired com 
 plexion of the same, and there is a fascination in 
 watching the workings of a free pipe in the mouth 
 of a worthy citizen. 
 
 Then, again, charcoal-men were generally 
 good-natured and light-hearted. They lived a 
 sort of hand-to-mouth, free-and-easy life. Far 
 from the haunts of man, sometimes a mile or a 
 mile and a half afar, they burned their wares in 
 huge piles covered with turf and earth. 
 
 Their chief occupation during the incubation 
 of these huge piles of carbonized brands from the 
 burning was to sit cross-legged on a log or rudely 
 fashioned seat, in front of a shanty of unplaned 
 boards, smoking, at times rising lazily to throw 
 a shovelful of earth on the mound to quench a 
 growing and impudent blaze, and at times to 
 take down a muzzle-loading, single-barreled shot 
 gun and to disappear in the woods at a loping, 
 wolf -like trot, to return after a short absence 
 with a partridge, a cottontail rabbit, or a gray 
 squirrel or two. It was a wild, free, healthful, but
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 267 
 
 not particularly remunerative life from a finan 
 cial standpoint. Still, it had its undeniably good 
 points. 
 
 A charcoal-man did not have to wash; did not 
 have to undress nights ; did not have to wear col 
 lars or cuffs or neckties ; was not obliged to black 
 his boots on occasions of state; could "sass" a 
 man any time he wanted to, because no "feller" 
 wanted to fight with a charcoal-man any more 
 than he would with a man who had smallpox or 
 measles or cholera or scarlet fever, or any other 
 contagious disease. 
 
 In addition to this he could "holler" louder 
 than any other peddler. Any one can "holler" 
 "Charcoal!" twice as loud as he can "Pie 
 apples," or "Glass put in," or "Old rags," or 
 "Fresh strawberries," or "New potatoes," or 
 "Umbrellas to mend." Try it and see. Indeed, 
 the musical and far-reaching cry of 
 
 "Charcoal!" "Charcoal!" 
 
 always seemed to the boys the triumph of musi 
 cal acoustics. 
 
 What wonder, then, that the charcoal-man 
 was a favorite institution for the country town 
 and country boys! And then his wares were in 
 universal demand, and so cheap as to be within
 
 268 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 the reach of all. Did a man wish to purify his 
 well-water, he used charcoal. Did he wish to 
 asphyxiate a cat, dog, or hen that had outlived 
 the usefulness accorded to such animals, he used 
 charcoal fumes in a confined space. Did he wish 
 to cure his pigs, stricken with mortal disease, it 
 was to charcoal he turned. 
 
 At morn he rose and kindled the fire in the 
 coal stove with charcoal; and if he observed 
 the rules of health and cleanliness, he cleaned his 
 teeth with charcoal. Did an enemy oppress him 
 or say evil things of him, he scorned to pour coals 
 of fire on his head, but during the silent hours 
 of the night wrote charcoal calumnies upon his 
 white-painted fence or barn. 
 
 Yes, charcoal was a power in those days, and 
 the charcoal-man an institution without which, 
 and without soft soap, I shudder to think of 
 what the country towns would have become. 
 
 I have already said, I think, that Wednesday 
 and Saturday afternoons were half -holidays. If 
 I omitted to say this, it was a serious omission for 
 which I apologize. 
 
 It speaks well for these boys that they were 
 willing to sacrifice their half-holidays to their 
 business and utilitarian instincts. Half -holidays 
 were generally sacred to football matches on the 
 Academy grounds, and between evenly divided 
 bodies of numerous students. It was the custom
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 269 
 
 of the town boys to view these contests from 
 points of vantage and to howl their small heads 
 off in the excitement of the game. 
 
 Then it was the time of the annual migration 
 of smelts and frost fish up the river, and the 
 wharves were crowded with fishermen industri 
 ously catching these delicious fish, and thereby 
 earning the gratitude of their relatives and in 
 dulging in the pleasures of the sport. Yet, in 
 spite of these powerful attractions, we find these 
 three boys, clad in old clothes, with artificially 
 darkened complexions, riding on a huge char 
 coal van and piercing the echoes with hideously 
 musical cries. 
 
 They were disappointed in one thing: a piece 
 of charcoal is a very poor projectile. It is too 
 light, very much too light, and the most vigorous 
 throwing arm can do but little with a piece of 
 charcoal as a missile. It has further drawbacks. 
 Unlike an over-ripe cucumber or tomato or tur 
 nip, it will neither squash nor spatter. Unlike 
 an aged egg or deceased cat, it will not diffuse 
 horrid smells, and render the person struck a 
 temporary outcast from society. Nor does it 
 raise welts, bruises, or contusions upon the hap 
 less victims of its flight. In fact, a piece of char 
 coal falls short, in many particulars, of being a 
 handy missile of offense or defense, as any boy of 
 spirit and experience can readily see.
 
 270 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 And so, when our friends took service with the 
 charcoal-man, they were under no illusions in the 
 matter. But they were not unaware, and from 
 much experience, that the charcoal of commerce 
 and daily use was about the best article on the 
 market for the making-up of nigger minstrels, 
 and that during the nigger minstrel season it was 
 extremely difficult to obtain any of this indis 
 pensable article, either by purchase, entreaty, ca 
 jolery, or grand larceny, and they were boys of 
 marked foresight. 
 
 Their duties consisted in advertising their 
 employer s wares by hideous competition in the 
 variety and piercing quality of their yells, and in 
 loading huge baskets from the cart and unloading 
 them into sheds and cellars under the watchful 
 eyes of housekeepers and of that variety of man 
 that stays at home and putters around. It was 
 not very hard work, for the substance was very 
 light, and as the poorest sort of knotted, twisted, 
 and bent wood is generally used in the manu 
 facture, it does not readily shake down in a 
 basket, and what may appear to be an immense 
 pile of charcoal, when reduced to its least com 
 mon denominator, --to borrow a phrase from 
 our old-time common enemy, Mr. Colburn, of 
 arithmetic infamy, may be a poor thing and 
 a pitiful. 
 
 Indeed, Plupy, misled by the bulk of the first
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 271 
 
 basket-load he was to deliver, put so much 
 strength of endeavor into lifting it that he threw 
 the whole load not only over himself, the side 
 walk, and the toiling Beany, but earned a sharp 
 cut over the legs from the stout cane of an indig 
 nant old gentleman whose gray woolen trousers 
 and blue high-collared coat he had plentifully 
 showered with the dusty and very insinuating 
 material. 
 
 However, it was his baptism of fire, and hav 
 ing indelibly blackened himself almost beyond 
 recognition, he plunged into the business with 
 an ardor that greatly commended him to his 
 employer, which, while it enabled that gentle 
 man to do nothing more than drive the horse 
 and collect the money, earned Plupy such en 
 comiums that Beany and Pewt became jealous, 
 and competed so furiously with him and with one 
 another that in a short time it would have been 
 an impossible task to distinguish either boy from 
 the blackest of black little negroes, and the entire 
 load had been distributed. 
 
 Then there was the delightful ride to the camp, 
 the loading of the team, the examination of the 
 shanty, the speculation as to how many par 
 tridges and rabbits the gun had shot, and 
 whether or not it might not have given the death - 
 shot to deer, bear, and catamount. Then came 
 the ride back to town on the load, during which
 
 272 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 the charcoal-man sang in a very hoarse, char- 
 coaly sort of voice, a stirring ballad about one 
 Sally, who was adjured by the sooty vocalist and 
 admirer to 
 
 "Come up, come down, 
 Come twirl her heel around," 
 
 and offering her encouragement to the effect that 
 
 "The old man has gone to town, 
 Sally, come up in the middle," 
 
 to which the boys listened with breathless in 
 terest and attention, although the eccentricities 
 of the melody grated somewhat on Plupy s mu 
 sical ear. 
 
 All that afternoon and until long after dark 
 the boys worked, growing blacker and blacker as 
 they became more heavily coated with coal-dust. 
 On the second trip to the shanty, they ate their 
 lunches, which they had prevailed upon their 
 mothers to put up for them, and the charcoal- 
 man cooked some sausages over a fire, which 
 sausages they thought tasted better than any 
 thing they had ever eaten in the whole course 
 of their lives. The charcoal-man also made 
 them some tea, which they drank in huge gulps, 
 just as he did, and pronounced bully, although, 
 as a matter of fact, they did n t particularly 
 like it. 
 
 But the tea and the hot sausages braced them
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 273 
 
 up very much and enabled them to get through 
 the rest of the afternoon with a great deal of 
 credit, for they had worked very hard and were 
 tired and sore. But under the combined stimulus 
 of food and drink, good-fellowship and cheer 
 ful song, they worked up to the limit of their 
 strength and earned generous praise from their 
 employer, and what they valued more, for 
 they had learned that too extravagant praise is 
 only too often a base substitute for more solid 
 reward, fifty cents for them to divide, and a 
 promise of further employment on the following 
 Saturday. 
 
 After their sooty friend departed on his empty 
 van, the boys found the evening before them. 
 They were so densely black that their first 
 thought was to wash off the stains of labor. But 
 the impracticability of that course was at once 
 apparent. The swimming season had long since 
 waxed and waned, and the water in the river was 
 so cold that the thought of a bath in it set their 
 teeth chattering. It was not bath-night at home, 
 that day in the week when, after the supper 
 dishes were washed and put away, the largest 
 family tub was brought into the warm kitchen 
 and filled with warm water. Beside it was 
 placed a crock filled with soft soap. Coarse roller 
 towels were hung over chairs, and coarse wash 
 cloths were draped over the sides of the tub,
 
 274 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 while beside it stood the mother of the victims, 
 her sleeves rolled to her shoulders, and her form 
 draped in a blue apron that reached from neck to 
 heels, and wearing rubbers on her feet. 
 
 It was not fun; it was "peine forte et dure"-, it 
 was martyrdom; it was a relic of barbarism; it 
 was worthy of the Spanish Inquisition; it was - 
 well, there are no words sufficient to describe it. 
 Mothers were so particular about one s ears and 
 scalp and neck. Then they kept on scrubbing 
 after soap had got in one s eyes and nose, and 
 when they used the towels they nearly scraped 
 the skin off a " feller." 
 
 And although it was not bath-night, the boys 
 reckoned with certainty that, were they to ven 
 ture home before their tired mothers had gone 
 to bed, bath-night would be at once declared, a 
 special one in which drastic torments would be 
 inhumanly employed to restore the boys to their 
 normal condition of comparative cleanliness. 
 
 No; the boys knew better than to go home, 
 and naturally sought to get as much enjoyment 
 as possible out of their unusual condition. With 
 this laudable intention they sought to lay violent 
 hands upon such of their acquaintances as they 
 felt they could lick, and by embracing them ar 
 dently to leave as much black sticking to their 
 clean hands and faces and neat suits as was 
 possible under the circumstances.
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 275 
 
 This was great fun, and they persisted until 
 they made such nuisances of themselves that 
 they were threatened with arrest by Constable 
 Swain, whereupon they made themselves exceed 
 ingly scarce, but not before they had printed in 
 delible proofs of themselves on numerous and 
 unfortunate acquaintances. 
 
 Driven from the lighted avenues, they sought 
 the more secluded streets, and began that de 
 lightful pastime which consists in hiding behind 
 a tree and springing out upon the unwary pedes 
 trian with horrid outcry and appalling grimace. 
 As the usual effect of this was to terrify the vic 
 tim almost out of her senses, as from motives 
 of prudence the trick was only tried upon wo 
 men and girls, it was looked upon by the boys 
 as an exciting and amusing trick, but was really 
 one that should have been rewarded with a sound 
 thrashing or a term in the Reform School or 
 House of Correction. 
 
 There was an element of danger in it, as they 
 found out; for, as they pursued their way down 
 Elliot Street, the scream of terror of a victim 
 brought a man out of a doorway like an avenging 
 angel, and had he not been blinded by coming 
 out of a lighted room into the darkness of 
 the street, they might not have escaped. But 
 as they had a fine start and knew the avenues 
 of escape, they led him through devious ways
 
 276 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 until his wind left him and he pulled up pant 
 ing and vowing vengeance on those infernal 
 niggers. 
 
 Their escape and mistaken identity delighted 
 them beyond measure, and pursuing their way 
 they came out on Front Street, and, rightly judg 
 ing themselves safe from further pursuit and de 
 tection, they again concealed themselves behind 
 trees and waited a victim. They had not long to 
 wait before a tall woman with swinging, man 
 nish tread came down the street, and the boys 
 were obliged to stuff their hats in their mouths 
 to stifle their laughter that would bubble out 
 as they contemplated the convulsive start and 
 agonized shriek of the woman when suddenly 
 confronted with the three outrageous little black 
 amoors. 
 
 But there seemed to be a slight discrepancy 
 between the result, as they had calculated it and 
 as fate had arranged it. The result would cause 
 no surprise to any citizen when it transpired 
 that the lady for whom they had so kindly and 
 thoughtfully arranged this little surprise party 
 was a widely known and respectable scrub 
 woman of great length, strength, and activity, 
 who "feared no foe in shining armor," neither 
 man, beast, bird, fish, nor reptile. She was half- 
 Indian, was double-jointed, flat-chested, long- 
 armed, and lean-hipped. She could see in the
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 277 
 
 dark like a cat, had a sense of hearing as delicate 
 as that of a hound, and had instantly detected 
 the presence of some one behind the trees and 
 was ready for him. 
 
 On she came, leaning forward slightly, step 
 ping lightly, her corded hands opening and shut 
 ting like the claws of a bird of prey. The boys, 
 who could not see her fell preparations for action 
 without betraying themselves and spoiling the 
 joke, waited until she was nearly abreast of the 
 trees behind which they were concealed, and 
 suddenly sprang out with wild yells of glee, 
 which abruptly turned to shrill cries of pain and 
 terror; for as they sprang she was on them like 
 a tornado, and for a few minutes there was a 
 whirlwind of small sooty figures around a central 
 axis of vituperative amazon. She slapped them 
 to the right, she boxed them to the left, she threw 
 them against each other like bags of old clothes, 
 she threw them to the ground, she pulled them 
 up by the hair, she tore their clothes, she shrieked 
 imprecations at them, while they yelled with 
 terror. 
 
 Had they been white boys, they would have 
 gotten off lightly; but they were niggers, imps of 
 blackness, sooty little devils, and she, as a mem 
 ber of the two superior races, hated niggers with 
 a deadly hate. 
 
 Something clinked on the sidewalk, and in
 
 278 THE MISADVENTURES OF 
 
 spite of the noise, which was attracting the atten 
 tion of the people in the neighboring houses, she 
 heard it, and in spite of the darkness, she saw it. 
 It was a half-dollar which had not been divided 
 and consequently had not been spent. She 
 dropped the boys and dove for it, and they went 
 over the fence and away like cats escaping from a 
 bulldog. 
 
 The wondering neighbors came out to see what 
 the matter was, and a crowd gathered. The 
 virago explained volubly that three niggers - 
 miserable, pesky, dratted, sticky little niggers 
 tried to scare her and she whaled em good. If 
 they had n t dropped a half-dollar, she would 
 have been whalin them still. But a half-dollar 
 was "wuth" all the niggers that "wuz ever 
 borned," and it was "putty doin s if a respect 
 able widow woman could n t go along the street 
 without bein insulted by a passel of niggers." 
 The crowd cordially indorsed her opinion, and 
 rural quiet stole over the little street. 
 
 Far away under the thick screen of kindly 
 bushes, Plupy, Beany, and Pewt in bated 
 breath discussed their situation, compared their 
 bruises, and alternately shivered with dread and 
 listened. Everything was quiet, but for another 
 half-hour they lay there until the nine-o clock 
 bell rang from the belfry of the old church, and 
 then, knowing full well the dire consequences
 
 A WHIRLWIND OF SMALL SOOTY FIGURES
 
 THREE GOOD BOYS 279 
 
 of being out after nine, they stole homeward, 
 slipped in the back way, and skillfully avoiding 
 the notice of their parents crawled into bed, so 
 bruised, tired, bewildered, and so depressed over 
 the loss of the half-dollar that they could scarcely 
 wait to undress, and totally forgot about their 
 condition. 
 
 The next morning their mothers, going to the 
 chambers of their respective hopefuls, uttered 
 loud shrieks of dismay when they beheld what 
 they thought was a small colored boy soundly 
 sleeping in the dirtiest, dingiest, blackest bed 
 clothes they had ever seen. But being courageous 
 women, they made prompt investigation, and 
 soon laid bare the secrets that their sons would 
 fain have hidden. 
 
 Will the boys ever forget the domestic up 
 heaval that ensued? The scrubbing with soft 
 soap and hot water, the anointing with lard, and 
 the re-scrubbing with more soap and hotter 
 water; the burning of their clothes and hats; the 
 lamentations over ruined sheets and pillow 
 cases; the rough-drying with the coarsest of 
 crash towels; of their disgrace during the long 
 day of waiting for their fathers to come home 
 and properly convince them of the heinous na 
 ture of their offense; of the nameless methods 
 that these same fathers took to bring their sons 
 to a realizing sense of their unworthiness; of the
 
 280 MISADVENTURES 
 
 embargo laid by these tyrannical and unappre- 
 ciative gentlemen upon enterprise and industry 
 outside the family chores? 
 
 Will they ever forget it? / never have. 
 
 THE END
 
 fffcc fiifccrsibe 
 
 CAMBRIDGE . MASSACHUSETTS 
 U . S . A
 
 FARMING IT 
 
 By HENRY A. SHUTE 
 
 "There is nothing funnier in Mark Twain." 
 
 Grand Rapids Herald. 
 
 " Every man and woman who lives, or ever has lived, 
 in the country will appreciate the situations described. 
 . . . They are funny enough to disturb the calm of the 
 most serious countenance." Boston Globe. 
 
 " Includes more fun than is concealed in all his other 
 books taken together." - Living Age. 
 
 "The book is extraordinarily frank . . . spicy and 
 enlivening." Baltimore News. 
 
 " A wholesome and invigorating sort of book. . . A 
 real story of real life cheerfully narrated." 
 
 New York Times. 
 
 Fully illustrated by Reginald B. Birch 
 1 2 mo. $1.20 net. Postage 12 cents 
 
 HOUGHTON Y^G BOSTON 
 
 / \s%S* 
 
 MIFFLIN /^5W AND 
 
 COMPANY ra Ira NEW YORK.
 
 A COUNTRY LAWYER 
 
 By HENRY A. SHUTE 
 
 " Rarely do we find a book so full of wholesome senti 
 ment. . . . Fairly bubbles with good humor. ... A book 
 well worth reading and then well worth remembering." 
 
 Boston Globe. 
 
 "Judge Shute has told a good story, at the same time 
 incorporating into it the stir, bustle and ginger of a New 
 Hampshire town." Milwaukee Free Press. 
 
 " Humor and clever portrayal of country character pre 
 vail in this story." Detroit Free Press. 
 
 "Judge Shute has told a thoroughly readable story, and 
 one which has the added charms of freshness and spirit." 
 
 Minneapolis Journal. 
 
 Illustrated. i2mo. $1.25 net. Postpaid, $1.37 
 
 HOUGHTON r$jL BOSTON 
 
 MIFFLIN /^C AND 
 
 COMPANY felfel NEW YORK
 
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 CENTRAL UNIVERSITY LIBRARY 
 
 University of California, San Diego 
 
 DATE DUE 
 
 JUN 1 R 198E 
 
 
 MAR 3 1 1988 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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 UCSD Libr.
 
 A 0008 8256 
 
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