DA 588 A6 MAm UC-NRLF B ^ D71 fi3E \ PYRETIC SALINE, AND HAVE IT IN YOUR HOUSES. are frequently prevented and these diseases cured by its use. Auy person who lias already Smallpox should take it, and be kept in a cool and darkened room to prevent its leaving any trace on tlie features. _ The iitimerons stdtenieMts and letters relatincj to its inarvellovs ejffec.t, as a positive cure in TYPHUS, SCARLET FEVER, SMALLPOX, and other BLOOD POISONS, are most remarkable, and are painfully suij(jcstive of (jrcut neylect whenever the PYRETIC SALINE is not emploi/ed in these diseases. ^' It furnishes the Blood with its lost Saline constituents."— Bn. MoKGAN, M.D., &C. The late Dit. Turi.ey states in his letters and lectures: — ^^ I found it act as a specific in the worst form of Scarlet Fever, NO OTHER Medicine being yivcn." Sickness, Headache, and Nausea are in most cases immediately relieved by taking a teaspoonf ul in a tumbler of cold water. This can be repeated once or twice in two hours, if needful. Sea Voyages. It is a very valuable accompaniment, and should on no account be omitted ; it instantly allays the sickness. For Bilious Constitutions, giving rise to Vitiated Secretions, Indigestion and Eruptions on the Skin, a teaspoonf ul should be taken daily with the dinner, in a tumbler of water, and the same quantity on going to bed. In Measles, Scarlet, Typhus, Jungle, or Gastric Fevers, and Eruptive Diseases, it should be given in teaspoonful doses every four lumrs, in a glass half full of water, or with an increased quantity of water, if the patient suffer.^ from thirst. If accompanied with sore throat or enlarged glands, well rub into the part strong hartsliorn and oil until redness is produced. " The late Dr. Turley, of Worcester, stated he found this Saline a specific in these diseases, no other medi- ciue being required. Persons at a distance from medical aid would do well to have such simple remedies by them." — Illustrated Aews of the World. This method has been found successful iu every instance in which it has been used. DO NOTICE MV TKADE MARK AND NAME, AS ABOVE, ON A BUFF-COLOUKED WBAPPER. Q A y-j-|Q|y| —WORTHLESS IMITATIONS are now being orfereil to the Public, the only merit of which is a rahd and wrapper with a trauspo^i ion of the sentences and words of mine— a culourable imitation— In /((c/, ix,fruwlon myself and the public. Sold by all Chemists throughout England and the Colonies, and the Maker, liy, Holborn Hill, London. (ESTABLISHED SIXTY YEARS,) Is the best and only certain remedy ever discovered for preserving, strengthening, beautifying, or restoring the HAIR, WHISKERS, OR MOUSTACHES, ,' and preventing them turning grey. .^.ui^v,- *v.n ■ . j For children it is invaluable, as it forms the basis of a magnificent head of hair, prevents baldness in mature age, and obviates the use of dyes aud poisonous restoratives. Sold by all Perfumers and Chemists, at 3s. 6d., 6s. and lis. only Wholesale and Ketail by the Proprietors. C. & A. OLDRIDGE, 22, Wellington Street, Strand, W.C. ^ WORTHY A CEOWN? By OSWALD ALLAN. Look here upon this Picture, and on this."— Hamlet. LONDON: HEAD AND MEEK, 15, WINE OFFICE COURT, FLEET STREET. 18 7 6. FIVE PER CEHT. DISCOUNT FOR CASH. NO CHARGE FOR BOTTLES OR JARS. <*CXt.% AND WINE OFFICE COURT, LONDON, E.C. ALL ORDERS DELIVERED FREE WITHIN THE RADIUS. Carriage paid on Country Orders exceeding Five Pounds. CASES; -ONE SHILLING PER DOZEN ALLOWED WHEN RETURNED. SHERRIES. Pale No. 1 (f:iir diumn- wiue) Do. No. 2 (i^uod ordinary du.) Do. No. 3 (superior do.) Do. Fine Flavour Do. do. (dry) Aniontilliido . . . Hich (full bodied) . Very \Ph\e Pale (dry) . Ooldeu and Brow n 42h. t ER 1)02 263. 305. 33s. 3G3. 42^. 48d. 44.'^. 54.S. o 84S. Madeira ..... 42s. to 120s. PORTS. PER DOZ. Good Ordinary .... . 27s. Ftiperior do . 333. Fine Crusted ..... . 389. Do. du. (old in bottle) . . 423. Do. do. (lijiht and delicate) . . 4Ss. Thompson &Ci-oft's 1868 vintage, bottled 1870 543. Full Flavoured (rich and old) . 603. Fine Old EeeswinEf . 72s. And other High- class Wines up to 1443. Pints 3s. extra the double dozen. CLARETS. PER DOZ. Good Sound Bordeaux . . 14s. Do. do, Superior . 18s. Medoc 20s. St. Fstephe 223. St. Julieu ..... 25s. ]Margaux (1870) 283. St. Emilion (1870) 3i)s. Leognan (1869) 3Gs. Chateau Latour (bottled on esstate) . 48s. Do. Lartte (1865) . . 60s. Sauternes ..... 20s. t 1203. RHENISH WINES OF EVERY DESCRIPTION. BURGUNDIES. Saiitenay, ^lercurey . Macon, Beaujolais Beaime tote . Ponimard, Nuits, Voluay Chatnbertiu. Clos Vougeot Chablis, Pouilly . Meursault, Chateau Y'Quem PER DOZ , 18s. 203. , 22s. 248. . 30s. 42s. 603. 60s. 70s . to lOOs. 20s. to 303. 50s . to 15Gs. Sparkling Burgundy . from 42:3. Picts 33. extra the doubb dozen. CHAMPAGNES. PER DOZ. 30s. 383. 46s. 56s. COS. 723. 803. Good Sparkling (Saumur) . . Superior do. (Saumur) . Fine quality (Reims) (own Brand) Perinets et fils (Gold foil) . Do. (White dry Sillery). Do. (Carte Blanche) . Do. (Reserve Cuvee) Eoederer, Mo6t's, Piper's, Clicquot's, Perrier Jouet'a, and all the leading Shippers in stock. Sparkling Wines, pints 5s. extra the double dozen. 2| Discount for Cash. BRITISH AND FOREIGN SPIRITS. PER GALL. Fine old Triah Whisky .... 22s. Do. do. (reserve) . . . 24s. Fine old Scotch Whisky Do. do. (reserve) . Fine Mixing Gin . Do. Old Jamaica Rum Finest Old do. (very mellow) Fine old Brown Brandy Vfry do. do. Fine old Pale Brandy . Finest do. do. (very choice) Old Champagne Brandy Begg's Whisky, bottled at Balmoral, in cases ..... De Kuyper's Hollands, in 1 doz. cases doz. 223. 24s. 15s. 203. 263. 283. 30s. 283. 303. 333. 403. 263. Post Ofiics Orders made oavable Luddate Circus. Cheoues Crossed City Bank. INDEX. At ADDRESS .;. »; 7. ... ::; INTRODUCTION THE ROW ... THE GOLD WORSHIPPERS THE BLUE VEILED PROPHET OF BOULOGNE SOCIETY AND THE COLONEL EPILOGUE FLOTSAM AND JETSAM ••• ••• 6 7 16 83 44 50 52 380 NEWTON WILSON & CO.'S PATENT SEWING MACHINES. The " Princess of Wales " WORLD-RKNOWNED HAND LOCK-STITCH SEWING MACHINE. (Obtained the Grand Medal of Merit, Vienna, 1873.) This admirable Machine is the most perfect Lock-Stitch Hand Sewing Machine yet invented. It is so simple that the most inex- perienced can operate it witliout any previous instruction, while it IS incapable of derangement by ordinary use. The range of appli- cation is practically unlimited ; anything that can be worn or requires stitching in a house can be executed on this Machine. From muslin to dressed calico, woollen cloth, or even leather, may be sewn without change of needle and cotton, or alteration of tension. When f^xed on a stand it can be operated by hand or foot at pleasure, and it is then as eflBcient as the most costly treadle machine. JPHICE «4 4s. PRICE OP STANDS : Small Pillar Stand, £1 4s. Full-sized Stand, £1 15s. The '' Queen o' Scots." « 1 This beautiful Machine is the most complete ever produced The stitch is the twisted loop, the speed the most rapid known, the simplicity perfect, the capacity everything that can be required for use in a family. It requires no screwing or clamping to the table, and has included with it, without extra charge, a complete set of apparatus," comprising tools and needles, four hemmers different sizes, braider and braid carrier, quiltor, self-sewer, tucking-guide, tuck-marker, binder, oiler, and friller. This complete collection makes it tbe cheapest Machine ever known. FlglOli; ^3 3s. Comi>lete. THE "ROYAL" WASHING MACHINE. I»ateiitees and Sole IMatiufUctiii'ers : NEWTON WILSON AND CO., 144, HIGH HOLBORN, LONDON. This Washing Machine is, in principle and construction, unlike all others, which only vary in their modes of dashing or whisking the clothes about. This, on the contrary, washes them, and washes them in a manner precisely similar to the woman's knuckles. The tub, as shown, is 30 inches long, by 18 inches wide, and ^^^-i, ,, 9 inches deep, and is mounted with a large ribbed roller surmounted ''*' by two smaller ones, the latter work at double the speed of the former, and, at the same time, have a short traversing motion in op- posite directions, rhe clothes pass between these rol- lers and are more quickly and effec- tively cleansed than can be ima- gined. The work is simple ; a child, or even the most feeble woman can use it, and nothing is injured and not a button broken. Unlike all other Washing- Machines which are, at best, an incumbrance, and often a posi- tive nuisance, this is never in the way, and is as useful the other six days of the week as it is on the washing day. When the washing is completed the apparatus is slipped off and deposited inside, and the cover puts on, and it is then a conve- nient kitchen dresser, or ironing table, or a more handy and convenient children's bath could not be desired. The Machine can be packed for shipment, all self-contained and complete within the space of the tub, legs, and apparatus inside. Admirably adapted, therefore, for colonial use or for emigrants. Price, Plain - - - ^4 4 O I IVo, 1 Wriiig-er, ISin. lioller ^1 IS O Zinc Lined - - - ^4 lO 0|]Vo.Q do. ISin. do. ^2 OO GREAT CENTRAL DEPOT— 144, HIGH HOLBORN, LONDON. CITY DEPOT-144, OHBA.PSIDE, WEST BISID-246, BEGENT STKEBT. Y A CROWN? By OSWALD ALLAN, BEFORE the player dons the mask to play his shifting part, The face he hides too oft betrays the scrrov^ in his heart, The care within his aching breast, the while he flings his jest, Which prompts his eager yearning for the blessedness of rest. They little kno^r, who watch his strange fantastic tricks with glee. How far away from merry thoiTghts that player poor may be ; WORTHY A CROWN ? Nor deem each well-timed foolery, that's followed by a roar, Costa him a pang of j^ain intense that jars upon him sore ; For merriment may woe conceal, and oft a care- less joke But serves a -wounded spirit as a light, but useful cloak To those -whoso pride forbids them tell their agony sublime ! Like dying Spartans hid their wounds in days of olden time. So with the -writer : 'neath his motley gui^e of satire keen, He has a sadder feeling, though he dare not make it seen, — A deep and earnest feeling, that his rhymes may not betray, Which hovers still like some far cloud npon' a summer's day ; And distant though that cloud may be, yet in the sunlit sky It stands as a memento of the storm that has passed by — Pass'd by, but yet once moi'o to come with grander, miglitier force, As intervals of reckless joy are followed by remorse ! It may be that 'tis better so — that, as by Pope confessed, Man's creed should be the happy one, " What- ever is — is lest," — That in the moment's sunshine we should lose the thoughts of care. Forgetful of the storms of life that each one has to bear ; And thus, in geeming carelessness, float idly with the tide. Instead of fighting 'gainst the stream that flows in stately pride. It maybe so; but, not for me the placidncssof case, Content to smile ateiTors, and at follies that it sees; There must be some to lift their voice, a warning word to speak, Although the voice protesting be a feeble one and weak ; There must be some who will not brook the lassitude of all, Who see the slongh before them, yet are still resign' d to fall, — Who have the sense, if not the strength of mind, to give the check To tl-ujse who steer the noble ship to ruin, and to wreck. And such a .«hip fcliould never be to ruin madly hurled. That still displays the grandest flag that tune has seen unfurled : The flag thatsheltci-'d Right 'gainst Might, when all seemed gone and lost, Eut riddled though it was still flew, and counted not the cost. The giant hands that held the helm, are pai-alyscd and cold, The giant hearts that loved the .ship, are mid Death's ranks enroll'd ; The glory of their couriige though is living, but it sleeps. And Honour, that has tried in vain to wake it, sadly weeps ; For, in its sleep, the once bright sword, so dreaded by the foe. Who never yet could stand against the terror of its blow. By long disuse in worthy cause is tarnished deep with rust : Its scabbard by the craven ones is clogg'd by craven dust. Tis well our heroes cannot rise from oiit their rest again : The men who made our name renowned upon the land, and main. Who taught the haughty foreigner, with earnest- ness severe, That England then would brook from none an insult or a sneer, Who scorn'd the aid of wily speech — of empty- sounding " gush," But were the first into the fi'ay when cause was giv'n to rush : Without delaying aught to see if they could find excuse To stay the power, they held of old, our Bulldog Tars to loose. They sprang, in glorious anger, on the alien in their wrath. And swe})t him like a cobweb from Britaxxiv's haughty path. Till we were fear'd, and honour'd, by the stranger near and far, And England o'er the universe shone out the brightest star ! Alas ! 'tis changed. No more arise such heroes as we had, To guard our ancient glories, that are wrapp'd within a plaid ; And those who once with trembling awe upon our words have hung, Pvegard not now our fiercest growl — they deem it but all tongue. Lip-service has assumed the place of trusted strength of arm. And in our highest bombast they see nought to cause alarm. WORTHY A CROWN 1 With ironclads that will not float — in fact, wliose highest crown Of use has but at present been to run our othei-s down. AYith armies but a shado'^ of the strength vre represent — "Whose staled force is but a myth, (o gull the ration meant ; With officers iu either arm who ridicule provoke, Our standing arm j, to the world, is but a standing joke; While looking at our naval feats, in piping times of peace, We see our prestige on the sea each day on the decrease. It is not that the pluck is gone, that served old England well, Asgallant feats of Eed, and Blue, in petty warfare tell; We've all the old-time courage, that once held the world iu dread, But have not now the chieftains by whom valour can be led ! Since India's treach'rous Mutiny, wherein her dusky race, Outnumb'ring us by millions, tried the Lion's teeth to face, — And where a gallant handful show'd what Englishmen could do, 'Gainst hosts of crafty Sepoys, who yet dreaded e'en the few, — W^here Havelock, Outrara, Campbell, fought and died for England dear. And left a legacy of tears, to prove their love sincere, — We seem bereft of leaders for the warriors who own Allegiance vnto Britain's flag, and Britain's flag alone ! I hear the critic grumble, " What of Wolseley, and Napier 1 Of Ashantee, Magdala?" and he growls in tone severe ; . But, unabash'd, I answer. Though both Generals I applaud. In either case they only fought against a savage horde. To prove their claims to peerages, to pensions, to a name : Some higher task they must achieve, ere I endorse their fame. Such easily-won honomr would astonish, could they know. The chiefs who had the uphill work of fighting long ago ; By whom a short campaign or two, and sharper ^ ones than those Just mentioned by the critic, and against far abler foes, Were thought but nought, and only met approval just, but cold, Instead of gaining rank, j^nd thanks, and freely shower'd gold 1 * * * * It is not that the plnck is goae from all our sailors brave, As fearless now, as vrhen of yore, they sweep across the wave ; But, added to the terrors of the deep they have to plough, Is one far greater, which requires a nerve m.ore strong, I ti'ow : 0/ course they know their Captain's will to pilot them is true ; But if he is incompetent, what can the poor man do? Our tars don't mind to lose their life for duty and for home Within the heat of war, or in a storm upon the foam ; But, what they do object to is, upon a peaceful night, When all appears aboveboard, in security, and right. To suddenly, by errors grave of some one " in a fog," Be sent down to the bottom, like an iron-laden lof " For, if we have, in times like these, such blunders to deplore. Jack Tar says, " What on earth will be the con- sequence of war ?" ■» * * * These well-fed, easy councillors that guide us, smile, and say. Old England ne'er was powerful as England is to-day. Poor, weak, vain fools, too blind to see the breakers in their course. The wakening hour will come too soon to 'scape the tempest's force ! They rub their hands complacently, and smile with pity bland On every one who can't their cause for self-praise utnderstand. If but they'd look around, and note the straws upon the stream, They'd find congratulation on our state is but a dream. Have we in Europe fi-iends so firm we need not know a care ? Does young Columbia fervent love towards Mother Albion bear % WORTHY A CROWN ? And are oiir Colonics so fond of England's selfiah rule That eaeh would be, if trouble came, but Eiigliind's useful tool 1 Beliovo it not ; and, while there's time, tho bandage tear away Of self-conceit, that bidc3 from you the dangers of to-day ; Look Northward, where the rugged Bear app:-ars content — good soul ! — 'Tis India that the Bear dcwirea ; to us he leaves tho Pole ! Think not that ties of marriage will prevent his lore of greed ; No union that would ourb his lust of power he would heed. Is't there you'd seek for friendship trne 1 If so, prav bear in mind The treaty bought by England's blood— 'tis thrown unto the wind ; And see in Asia creeping down the subtle Russian Bear, ^Yho30 fond affection statesmen want we Englishmen to share. They c:innot see his word's a cheat, hia boasted love a lure, But venfe their twaddle, in the love of Russia full secure. * * * -"• Is BizzY so enraptured with the charms of Albion's Isle, That soft soap will in any way that maatc)' mind beguile ? No, ao j he waits the moment vrhen, in spito of all we'd plead. He'll crush beneath his heel the France that he has caused to bleed. All Germany will do for us, although our gold we send. Is in return her gallant tars and soldiers us tolcnd. Of course we have to pay them v.^ell, as all do, who will roam. And buy in foreign markets, not content with that of home ; And, judging from the specimens who sail a certain yacht Or drill the Guards, I cannot say that bargains we have got ! * * * '^ The three great Powers laugh at us, as well indeed they ought ; Our will to act, and power to do, they simply set at nought ; And if tkeir path we'd cross, in spite of marriage compacts' tie. They'd tear it into pieces and they'd pass it idly by. 'Tia Hot enough our Banker should supply the world with pelf. For England can depend with truth alone upon herself. Then, while there's time, let her awake, and prove by earnest work, She docs not mean in any way her duties grave to shirk ; But still in Europe, as of old, assume the place deserved, Frc shuffling, timid policy her mighty arm uiiuerv'd! Then once again our flag shall float, the first in peace or war. Respected, and both loved, and feared, as 'twas in days of yore ! * ■> •>.;- --- Yet, ere the land may be the land of former fiimous days. One hand alone can. break the spell, the dear old flag can raise : It is tho hand of One who now too long has sought recess, ForgetfuLof the people whom 'twas meant that hand should bless. Ur)heeded's been the nation's pray'r ; unheeded ! nay — e'en scorned — Thehighest place desertedby the oneit once adorn'd: Remonstrance, seemingly in vain, to check seclu- sive plans. Their only joy would seem to be, " The gath'iing of the dans." Not London's smoky grandeur, nor proud Windsor's vaulted halls, Unto a sense of duty one viajestic figure calls ; But steep'd in Gaelic sympathies, as all tho world can see. From duties to the Sister Land that person goes "scot" free \ * * -"• * Ah ! if a mem'iy of the One you've mourn'd for now so long Would only teach this selfish grief is truly, cruelly wrong, — Would teach that high estate brings cares, which you must not avoid. But that your zeal for all our weal demands that you're employ'd, — Would teach that not a shadew mere of Roy'lty can deceive The peoi)le, who supj^ly the cost of acts for which they grieve ; If but 'twould teach you, your own good is bound up in our State, The heart of all your people would indeed be most elate. And then, far more than ever, 'twould be truly understood. How well the One, who sleeps, deserves the sur- name of the Good ! WORTHY A CIIOWN ? INTRODUCTION. IT was iQ tlie tliirty-Beventh year of the reign of Brounena, the Queen of Big Bull-land, and a lineal descendant from Adam, who was daily expected by her subjects to abdicate iu favour of her 8on, Ted-dee, at about half-past twelve in the day, in the Palace of Pukkynam, that a bell was heard to ring. It rang sonorously through th^ lower offices of the magnificent building set apart for the Phlun-kees, an extraordinary race of parasitical menials that surrounded the higher grade of people in this favoured land. Twenty-eight inane faces, beneath twenty-eight powdered wigs, immediately opened fifty-six eyes, and with one consent remarked : " The Guv'ner !" Immediately afterwards a sedate-looking, slab- faced individual, in a dress somewhat akin to that of the Priests, or, as they are called, the Par-sonns of this country, crossed the anteroom and disappeared. This was Prince Ted-dee's head-cook, bottle- washer, and valet, in other words, Gen-kyns ! There was a pause ; — the pampered menials glanced inqnisitif ely at each other, and one, more loquacious than the rest, ejaculated, *' What's up f Before, however, there was time for any answer to be made to this elegant query, the door was flung suddenly open, and Gen-kyns made his appearance in an abrupt manner ; the expedition of his entrance having been evidently efiected by an enormous foot, the extremity of a tremendous brawny leg, which had propelled him noleiis volens into the midst of the assembled servants. A look of terror usurped the place of the supercilious smile, previously illumining the faces of the Phlun-kee8, and, falling upon their knees in an ecstasy of fear, they tremblingly sang in unx*on, as the owner of the leg and foot strode into the room : — (Air — " Tloe Campbells are coming.") " Our John-nee is coming, oh dear ! oh dear ! We're awfully frightened, he's so severe ; Why even Brounena he doesn't fear, And he's awfully angry, it's very clear ! He kicks ns, and whacks us, and does as he likes, And we have to grin, for no Phlun-kees have strikes. We'd better be careful, or else in a crack, Our John-nee may happen to give us the sack 1" The extraordinary individual to whom these remarks were applied deserves some description, as, without doubt, being the real ruler of Bull- land. His name, as we have said, was John-nee, and since the death of Brounena's husband, a worthy Prince named Trebla, he had quickly risen from a very subservient position to ba High Priest and Chief Councillor to the Queen. Nay, it was openly admitted by the pco[)le sur- rounding the Royal lady, that, but for the State laws prohibiting the intermixture of regal blood with other than the highest in the universe, John-nee ere long would have been raised to the position of Brounena's husband. But, in all, gave the name, he certainly occupied the place of r>;ler of Bull-land, Brouneka obeying hia slightest wishes with a slavish subserviency, destined to lead to trouble in the future. For, naturally, the people were impatient of their Queen's absurd preference for a man of such humble origin, and Brounena, blind to, or regardless of tlie national irritation, heighten«d it by dwelling in complete seclusion, and devoting the whole of her time to the beloved society of John-nee. And not alone the people, but Ted-dee, the Heir Apparent, objected to his Eoyal Mother's bad taslie. For, apart from the scandal — which, being used to scandals, but little affected him — his august parent placed on him the Ec^al functions, without also bestowing the regal guerdon necessary to their proper fulfilment. Consequently, being of an extravagant turn of mind, and fully able to spend six, or even ten times the amount of kis income, he had neither time, means, nor inclination to attend to the matters he was thus compelled to look to, and therefore John-nee was cordially detested by hia Royal Highness. But little recked John- nee of the likes or dislikes of anybody ; secure in his Royal Mistress's favour, confident in himself, and fearing nothing, he was perfectly prepared for any event that might arise. Whether he was content to remain plain John-nee, or cherished more ambitious designs, our sequel will tell. In the meantime we have very rudely left him standing in the centre of the crowd of Phlun-kees, so, revenoics d, 7ios moutcnis, premising that the High Priest was a tall, gaunt naau, with hair of the deepest and most exquisite red, clad in the costume of his native land, bearing some analogy to the garments of those WORTHY A CROWN ? sniiff-tiiking Gaels who occasionally embellish the doors of tlio ]^>ritish tobacconist. He spoke with a soft Italian accent. "Mercj!" cried Ckn-kyns in imploring accents. " Mercy !" roeohood t^venty-eight voices, in an agony of fear. " Hoot awa ! you chuckle-headed loons, or I'll gash some of you ! and now, Gknkyns, be off to your grace- less Laird, and toll him to come here at once, and be sharji, or varra woel he kens there will bo wrathfu' times !" With a joyous shout, in a second the room was clear, the wretched Piilunkees but too glad to escape so easily from their dreaded High Jt'riest's anger. Cautiously glancing around him, to see that ho was not observed, the High Priest extracted from the folds of his tartan a mysterious phial, which might contain about a pint. Placing it to his mouth, ho tran.'^ferred the contents to himself. Its eflect was wondrous ; his eyo brightened, his form seemed to dilate, and an air of comparative dignity to adorn his whole dej>ortment, as with a firm step he left the room. If wo were not aware that no Italian drinks the beverage we could have sworn tho magic draught to have been the choicest Scotch whisky. Bat no matter ! \VORTHY A CROWN ? THE ROW. "Awake ye ! awake ye, my noble Lord ! Though headache thy brow may ch\im, — If not for good reason, now rest assured, At one in the day you should not be bored, For to rise so early 's a shame. But ' over the way ' there's a deuce of a I'ow, — Broukena's awaitwg you tbere, — She's a very red face and I fear it's a case Of temper, and it has put me in a scare ! The High Priest, John-nee, has assaulted me In a tender part of the person — brute ! — He kick'd me so hard, That I ask'd for his card, But he only grinn'd, and told me to * scoot !' Then arise ye ! ai'iseye, my noble Lord ! And tub ye and don ye the suit of PooiiE, — A moment to lose you can't afford, — There's something wicked upon the board, Or Gen-ktns is quite a fool ! So do not delay, Get over the way, If not for your own, for the sake of me ; For I do so smart, That I haven't the heart To risk the di-ead wrath of the great John-nee !" EreGEN-KTNS had finished,Prince Ted-dee awoke, And words to the point his Koyal Highness spoke: " Come don't make a fuss, You funny old cuss, And fidget, and worry your poor master thus ; You're a jolly old cock, But you shouldn't thus shock My nerves with so cbeadful and thund'ringaknock, Last night I was tight, And I shall not feel right Until I have swallow'd some seltzer, and hock : Johannisberg fetch, You timid old wretch. And then I'll be up in a moment, or quicker. But I'm hang'd, if I rise, till I've just had a liquor !" In a moment, the draught Was prepared with the craft Of a skilful hand, that well knows its work ; And the Prince arose, And donn'd his clothes. For he knew that he couldn't the interview shirk. Ho tubb'd and he rubb'd and he scrubb'd him well, And he put on the clothes that become a swell ; ** With a watch, and some rings, And some neat little things. That, to suii Ted-dee's taste, had expressly been made for, It's needless to say that they hadn't been paid for. No breakfast he'd touch, — He never ate much. At the early morn (ere a walk he'd done) ; But he thought, by Jove, he Could take an anchovy Aad a glass of brown sherry of " Forty-one." Twas got in a tri-ce, Mo.-jt tasty and nice, Indeed, if you've over been screw'd, take advice (Which worthy of quoting, indeed, is very), Try anchovy toast, and a glass of brown sh'erry. As he went through the hall, Where the visitors call. He saw all his youngsters were playing at ball; And he said, " Tell mamma, That I have not gone far, But over the way, just to see my mother, So let her impatience till I return smother I" Then, muttering low, He observ'd, " Here's a go ! The missus, I know, intends giving me fits. She can't bear late hours, she always admits, — It's enough to drive anyone out of their wits !" In a snug little room, With an air of gloom, BuoUNENA was sitting, and by her Joiin-Nee, And her face was red, For by some it was said, Bkqunena at times was an angry she. And Ted-dee, says he, " I can plainly see From the state of affairs that a fuss there'll be !"' While the great High Priest Did not seem in the least Embarrass'd, but twiddling his thumbs never ceased. With an easy air, Which his heart didn't share. Prince Ted-dee bestow'd a salute on his mei'e, But no notice took, By even a look, Of tJie great High Priest with his great gold crook ! Though John-nee was riled, He only smiled, — A habit he had when he chanced to be wild ; A nd, for my part, I know, If I've got any foe, I'd rather he'd frown than a smile he should show. WORTHY A CROWN Still TED-D}iK WAS a Ti incp, Aiul, though open to hints, . He didn't the alighteat annoyance evince; But with absence of ire, That all must admire, Suggftsted John-nee should at once retire. " Your Royal Highness, 'tis clear, From all I can spoor, Decidedly / am not wanted here ! So, your Alajesty, please. To set me at ease (As one who would reverence the Eoy'l decrees), Let mo make my bow, For the present, ^'Mfif now V Although a frown eat on her regal brow, A nod gave assent. And the High Priest went, Very much to the young Prince Ted-dee's content, " And now we're alone" (Ted-dke's voice had a tone Of nci'vousness he to himself wouldn't own), " My Royal Mother, say. In whatever way I can meet your views, and I'll try to obey 1" " O Ted-dee ! O Ted dee ! I've sent you to beg (Now don't makeme nervous by twiddlingy our leg). To beg you to be, for the sake of your Ma, In future a much better boy than you are. I'm really alarmed at the things that I hear Taking place, every day, in your princely career ! I'm grieved, and surprised, that your ways give a handle To such an amount of the wickedest scandal ; You well know, my lad. The example you had In your youUi ihould have taught you the good from the bad ! Eecollect, my dear Ted, You went early to bed. And with excellent precepts we cramn'd your small head ; You never were taught, When young in the Court, To do but exactly the things that you ought ! And ue'er a bad word Your ears ever heard ; Indeed, people said it was almost absurd To fill up your noddle With what they call'd twaddle, But which we estcem'd as, of training, the model; The mildest of books, And the oldest of cooks (Weeded out from the ones who were plainest in looks). Were duly selected. And if we detected The least flaw, they each were wstonfer rejected ! All the best sermonisci'3. We had as advisers ; From Bishops of birth, down to those sprung fi-om Sizars, Your morals to brighten. Your mind to enlighten, And Bogy away from our Ted-dee to frighten ! 'Tis true we were gay. In a rational way (Although, s'ljict I've found out the sin of a play), But then held aloof Wicked Opera Bouffe, Which since has polluted each Thespian roof; With plays we were suited. Extremely diluted. And thus all the scorn of the godly refuted ; Though an hour we'd pass To laugh at a farcp, AltliOugh I've since thought we were wicked, alaa ! But, nevertheless, All the world will confes?, Our gaiety never fell into excesx. All that the collegefi, Had of their knowledge."?. Sciences dee]), and the gravest of ' ologies,' Freely we shower'd, — If e'en overpower'd. At least own you mentaUy richly were dower'd ! It all was in vain, I acknowledge with pain, — In fact, I must say, though my speech may be plain. Despite each endeavour, To make our son clever, Ted-dee still rcmain'd just as stupid as ever, And both, 'neath the school And ''Varsity' rule, Yoii were generally voted a good-natured fool I This was vexing enough (Now yoii needn't say ' Stuff!' — You needn't be vulgar if e'en you feel gruif); But e'en tliat I'd have borne, Though it caus'd me to mourn. If the lessons of youth you'd not held up to scorn, — Had not caused me to speak, But kept pious, and meek, At the head of the Anti-Extravagant clique ; Had busied your mind, As your parents designed, In good works of every temperate kind — ■ Such as school treats of mine. Where ujy subjects incline To revel in tea and in weak ginger wine; — "^m OR THE Wonders of the Ocean Deep. NATURE'S PERFECTION APAGOGICAL, niSCOVp:RED A.D. MDCGCLXXIiI. -BIT -vsriv^:. z^otj:pj^±^id. Under Providence, Kcientific researclies have resulted in the production of a pure Decoction from the Ozone Seaweed, which has proved to he a great blessing in the cure of Rheumatic Gout and Rheumatism in all its stages, and also in the preparation of Ozone Seaweed Fruit-Spirit. Suffice it to say its qualities are marvellous, — like all natural products, perfect and full of Nature's restoratives. The Ozone Fruit-Spirit to be taken as prescribed. It is perfectly harmless. Forbearing to puff it up as to the cure of everything; doubtless, the Public will soon find its 'virtues. One thing may be mentioned ; a few tea-spoonfuls of the Ozone Fruit-Spirit, in tea or coffee at meal times, effected a cure of a bad case of Piles. It will also keep the inside in an easy, peaceful condition. CAUTION. — As there is a wide field open for the preparation of a spurious and highly daiigerous article under similar titles, I have therefore reo'istered mv lables bearing my signature and stamp, coupled with Govern- ment stamp, to prevent fraud. NONE GENUINE WITHOUT THIS SIGNATURE. DECOCTION, for outward application only, sold in Bottles, Is. 9d. & 2s.9d. FRUIT SPIRIT, in Bottles, 2s. 9d. 4s. 6d. and lis. *^ 7, BLACKFRIARJ~R0AD, LONDON, S.E. 1^ SOLD BY ALL CHEMISTS. |^| i&5 ^\3: ENTERED AT STATIONERS' HALU. i£^ 'yj&ilM!/"-:'-^- i WORTHY A CROWN ? Or if you Lad shown, When up you had grown, The slightest soupgon of a practical tone- Brought out an invention. Or shown some pretension To write a few hymns to attract some attention : Content I'd have been. If but I had seen My Ted-dee was worthy his country and Queen ! You were up to your larks And the butt of remarks In common with other young rascally sparks ; You kicked o'er the traces In manifold places, And appeared far too fond of the prettiest faces j Not that I intend. On this point to extend : It's one a Eoyal Mother can do nought but end ! But, oh ! dear no, That was all too slow ; For the Heir Apparent the pace must go ! With horror I saw, That, long before The age that you cease to be infant in law, * Then you drank, and you smoked. With plebeans you joked, Disdaining the fact that your pedagogues croak'd ; You were worse than the rcit In the family nest. Though Nauticus was, too, by no means the best— 10 WORTHY A CROWN ? When from sea bo would come, He smelt so of rum, And sent in such bills that hia father looked ghim ; But then ho was only a poor youiig'n- son, Whose doings wore really an object to none ; While you, as the heir to a name, aud a throne, Had far best have let all such nonsoRsc alone ! We thought, -when once mairiod, you'd surely be quiet, And give up for IIymrn all racket aud riot ; Aud so wo ' espoused ' you to ono who e'cu ymi. Must own is for exccllenco cquall'd by few, — A dear little Lily, — Now don't call me silly, — You won't find her equal in all Piccadilly ; With sweetest of fsiee?, her temper like hcnoi/, Although, as we know, she'd uo penny of money: Well, never mind that. As I said, when once wed, We thought into steadier ways you'd be led ; Resign each small failing, Thus cease our Royal wailing Aud smoothly o'er married life's ocean go sailing ! But you've gone on again so — it's near caused my death — " Here Her Majesty paused, being quite out of breath. Prince Ted-de wk o'd listtn'd, and bitten his nails, Here rose, aadhis hands placed beneath his coat tails ; With his back to the fire — a position you'll find Each Briton's affecteil from time out of mind — Saying, '* No doubt, dear mother, there's much that you've said For which no excuse can be made by your Ted. I p'rhaps was a piekle, To learning most fickle, And caused yeu both many a tear down to trickle; Was too often rude, And ne'er understood The charm that it is to be thoroughly good ! Well, that is coufess'd; I hate, and detest Good story-book heroes in mild language dress'd : Bad Tommy to me, Who stole up a tree, And ate all the apples obtained there to be, Deserved in my eyes, A far richer prize, Than piou3 young Peter, who never told lies, Who never would fight, — His teacher's delight, — In short, was a spoonified dufi'er, ma'am, quite ! I teas a bad boy, And I lov'd to annoy My Blaster — that old solemn sanctified boy ; The guv'uer got cross, When I would tease the 'Hoss' Aud cared less for books than to play ' pitch and toss ;' But, be that as it may, I merely can say I was not the only one bad in my day ! — The very tight rein You held to restrain My youth, was the great cause of what you com]>lain ! Besides, mum, remember, I'm spark of an ember, Consider'd the hottest of ev'ry hot member : The one you'll find each Who wants cant to preach, Describing 'i''irsi(?ew« in all Europe's wide reach;' A party whoso orgies, And gaming, and gorges, Uuequall'd in history, mother, by George, is!" BuouNENA jump'd up and said, " Sir, you'll please be Respectful, concerning the family tree ; For, indeed, no use Is each paltry excuse. Bkounena, though old's, not a bit of a goosel I'll have you to know I intend you to go For awhile o'er the sea : thus my subjects I'll show I consider it best that you are for a while, Sent into a grand sort of priiicely exile ! 'Twas unto this end that I sent for you now ; — Nay, smoothe that undutiful frown from your brow ! You know Queen Brounena, though lamblike in lingo, Can obstinate be, as you'll find out, by Jingo !" " Exile !" quoth his Highness ; " Why, what do you mean V " That, my Teddee, you'll find out, remains to to be seen I The fact is, the nation, with vci-y bad taste. Of late has each fitting occasion embraced To comment on what it has noticed with grief — ■ Your fast way of living's beyond all belief It's true that you have some regard for appear- ance. But not quite enough to .avoid interference ! You show up at church, But I don't think you search For the very best preachers to speak to you there : Indeed, I'm afraid you don't very much care As long as the cushions are stuff'das they ought, And the music is good, and the sermons are short ! WORTHY A CROWN ? 11 Theu the rumoiira are, — oli, it is shockiug to tluak of !— You're standing, we bear, upon ruia the briuk of! " Then, look at your debts : Why, the thought almost sets Your iDOther iusane — but what use are regrets'? Your drinking, and gaming's A positive shame in A Prince, who such tendencies ought to be taming. I'm tii-ed out of helping you — even the Jews Are beginning to shy at your Eoy'l I.O.U.'s, On the turf, as a verdant young flat you've been seen : On the turf, did I say 1 — no, I meant ' on the green !' In fact, your extravagance must be put down — " Prince TED-DEKiuterpos'd here, with such a dark frown, " You'll excuse me, mamma, my sins, piay indict 'em. But as for extravagance, that is an item I v/on't hear you speak of; for, pray recollect, ]f frugality you from your children expect. And if you'll not do half the State work yourself, You must expect sometimes to shell out the pelf ! To me you leave most Of the duty of host. At balls, fetes, and drawing-rooms, — and, dear mamma. If y^ou but knew truly what thieves tailors are, What it costs to buy boots, (I will leave out cheroots), — Why, it really requires a large balance at Coutts'. Though the work I don't like, I don't want to strike. But in self-defence, mum, must surely decline, oh! The post of Prince-Regent — if you grudge the rhino ! If State duties you hate, Why, the pity is great. You don't turn it up, and at once abdicate : Then, filled with a sense of my duty as King, You'll soon find the world will with my reform ring; But while I am aeither a King nor in private, You cannot well gibe at the pace that I drive at ! Let others hoard treasures, But I love my pleasures, And will to secure them take very good measures !" The Queen looked astouish'd, But quickly admonished Her Ted-dee, rebellious, with passion terrific : " I have been to the present, Sir, truly pacific ; For, being a mother, I couldn't quite smother My love for a son, though he's caused me such bother. Yet, seeing it's only a folly to chide you, I'll take care by deeds to endeavour to guide you ; For, know to your shame. But to-day Georgey came To plead for a friend of yours — 'What was his name 1 Oh, ' Butcher,' or * Tailor,' or 'Grocer ' — some brute High in favour with George as a veteran recruit ; Who, just as a proof of his courage, would fain Insult a young lady he met in the train. A great gallant colonel — who can but admire The conduct of one who has been under fire ? At least, so 'tis said, till he'd quite lost his head And committed an act e'en his friends own ill- bred. — But in vain Georgey's pleading ! I've ever been moral. And so I've discharged him — there'd near been a quarrel ; For I stuck to my word, and I've dock'd every laurel ! " That's one of your beauties — His principal duties To thrash all his men into strict discipline. Then be off up to town and his orgies begin ! Then, there was the Major, That valiant old stager, Who had, as we know, for blind hookey a rage, ah ! — That is, upon gaming of all kinds was sweet. If he only^could get the fair chances to cheat ! That's another fine friend — How you can, boy, descend Your hand to such blackguards and thievesj^to extend I cannot make out ! For the rest of the crew Of your pals, they take very much, Ted, after you,— In fact, they're all tarr'd with the very same brudh — Fond of loio language, ladies, late hours, and lush !" Prince Ted-dee look'd savage, remark'd " I'm your debtor ; The less though that's said about lush — why, the better !" " That's more than enough !"' quoth the Queen, with a shriek ; " I'll get rid of you, and the whole of your clique. 12 WORTHY A CROWN ? To ludigo send you — you'll come back more pensive ; You can go ' vid Suez,', tis not so expensive ! — Insult your poor Ma, — if yuur Pa were but here, Oh ! wouldn't he whop you for that remark, dear V Prince Ted-dee's eyes flosh'd, and he said, '''Were he here, With several matters would he interfere, — At least, he would soon teach the First of these Islands A new tune to exchange for ' My heart's in the ni When cant and humbug, rostrums mount And turn themselves to good account ; When ev'ry swindle, great or small. Some fools for victims e'er can call ; When e'en religion, though it scold At others' wicked lust for gold, Yet shows itself not quite averse Unto the charms of well-filled purse ; When glory sinks beside the worth Of glitt'ring nuggets, dug from earth ; When love gives place to sordid things, And soars aloft on golden wings, Or sometimes, if the gold be scant. Will condescend a humbler flight — And, as for riches it doth pant, In paper pinions take delight ; When statesmen sheathe th' avenging sword, Once ardent from it's rest to flash, And smiles to insult can accord, If but the wound is healed by cash : — In short, when each of human kind To ev'ry other motive's blind, — Save that which makes all else a blank, Except a balance at the bank, — 'Tis meet the Minstrel should unfold The tale of those who worship gold ; Who worship gold with faith more tru.o Than any creed on earth e'er knew, And grudge not time, or toil, nay, life, If, but, within th'anrif'rous strife, They gain by passion, plot, or power, A due share of the glitt'ring shower, — The shower, that, unlike nature's rain, Refreshing every hill and plain, Like liquid lava burns up all On whom its searing force may fall, Leaves each, fresh heart it rules — alas ! — A wither'd ashen callous mass ! If e'er in Nedthreadle-street you chance to be, Just glance at the house numbcr'd nine-thirty- three, And you'll own that it's size, and its beauty evince It a suitable residence e'en for a prince. 'Mong merchants its owner is counted a prince. Although, from the envious you might hear hints Affecting his credit ; but jealousy ne'er Has mercy, as everyone well is aware. And we cannot expect that she therefore would spare The great '' Baron" Gusn, who, I vow and declare. Caused e'en City big wigs most solemn to stare At his tricks of finance, and observe they had ne'er Met a fakir of gold who could with him compare; For there wasn't a jiie Into which he'd not try A finger to dip you may really rely ; At times he would manage to add, too, his thumb. And in most of such cases he'd pull out a "plum." The luck of some persons is really quite funny, — All that Baron Gush touch'd seem'd to turn into money; In trick'ry of " spec' " e'en a Yank he was " wide " as. In short, nothing less than a modernised Midas. And what was the best, But offended the rest. Of his friends, who were not of such talent possessed, — By the way that he managed the public to gull. That worthiest of bodies (whose intellect's dull) Imagined the Baron their friend, not a doubt of it, Unable to see all the tin he made out of it. With an acumen rare, He once spotted a square, Whose enclosure near drove the great Coles to despair ; Where once had been gras^. Gush found nothing, alas ! But of bricks, dirt, and rubbish a mis'rable mass, With a sprinkle of cats, whose nocturnal bewailings In the scene of their orgies within those old railings Caused language most strong from the ladies, whose failings, Inclined them to lean to enjoying the air. At a very late hour of night in the square. What once was a statue the centre adorned, Whese shocking appearance the art critics mourned ; r-Mf. a---t .i-..-^-> -,.^ ., WORTHY A CROWN ? 17 Indeed, one of them, fired -svith a nolle resolve Some beauty e'en out of that form to evolve, One day painted the horse, and the rider, with taste, While with foolscap the head, so much battered, was graced, As a hint to the stupids, who daily wrote stuff About what should be done, that they'd said quite enough. The square, that had been for so many years lost, To the people at laige, s\« a place they could walk in, And list to the Band, or could flirt, or could talk in. To gain a fresh laure^, He promised that floral Embellishmeuts (all in a style strictly moral) Well, when Gusii had once seen This said square, he with keen And shrewd penetration remarked, "All serene !" A little time after, he wrote Piog a note (I really forget it, and so cannot quote). And offer'd to buy and present, free of cost, And stalue of Shakespoke should take up the place Of the old-time adornments, that were a disgrace, And to prove that he meant it, and so wouldn't fail. He sent them a cheque for the cash on the nail. 18 WORTDY A CROWN? Tlien, as good as his word, lie to eiurgy stirred, Sot the gai'd'neis, and masons to work like a bird ; And the press jind the imblic united to praise Biron Gusii, and his gift, iu a scries of lays, I'hat fail'd not hi.4 ci edit and spirits to raise ; For the penuy-a-llners camo to t!ie spot, And they drank Gusil's health in full many ap )t, A.Iihougli iufhienc.! thi^mthat of course would not; And Birou (Jusii said, with an amiable sigh, " I've only just found what a good b;)y am I." In the midst of all this, Tlicro went something amiss, And Gvsu was cast down from the summit of bliss, 'Twas rumoured about, that, with extra good setiso, He'd managed to save the enormous expense T^lat his present entailed, by a purchase of laud, Hound tlie site he'd reclaim'd in a manner so grand ; And 'twas said in the future the spec, would well As the neighbourhood 'gan to improve since that day. Then, despite Lis indignant disclaimei-s, the papers At once turned denouncing such sauce, and such capers ; From wliich I much fear that the Baron's not credited With motives quite pure, save by journals now edited By persons suspiciously partial to " gush," Who (as long as well paid) do not know how to blush, But are ready in print at all seasons to rush. Besides this mishap, His misfortunes to cap, (Although Gush, all admit, was a fortunate chap). It chanced that one Boobery sought satisfaction From the Baron, and, therefore, must fain bring an action Against the great GTrsn, and Goliah the scribe, Who 'gainst BoouEur schemes, and the rest of his tribe, Had written with venom in thundering lines, Intending to blow up all BooBERt's mines, Though not to destroy them, exactly, it seems ; For Gush (among other remai-kable schemes) Imagined that he might successfully float (If GoLiAH consented to pilot the boat) The verj same mines that, with scam light, and airy, GoLiAH called traps for the wealthy unwary ! GoLiAH WHS feared, for the might of his pen Was j)aramount 'niongst all Pecunia's men. To the councils of all the great folks he'd admission, — He was thought far above any thought of sus- picion, — In fact, was an Editor truly patrician. So just think of the fuss. Or as Yankees say " inuss," When his colleagues began the affair to discuss ! The Tallowcraft ravcil, said it was no believer In one of these l^imes, but it quite forgot Khiva, When the public had dubbed it an ariant deceiver ; Then the Banner, with passion quite furious shook. And i\iQ Nuisance,^ saintly, and solemn tone took; While the Boast of the Morning, so aristocratic, Said GoLiAH, if guiltless, was simply lunatic ; And the rest of the sheets vented page after Full of blarney, and bluster, and rubbish, andrage. The trial took place. With a confident face, Great Gush faced the Jury, and Judge of the case, And the artless way that he parried each thrust Of the Q C.'s, and Sergeants, admire all must. And GoLiAH talked big, To each son of the wig, And crimson'd at questions he called infra dig. He pleaded the freedom entire of the press If it chooses to curse, or it chooses to bless, (Forgetting great Gush had just thtn made a spec', oh ! In the newspaper line, or so said Rumour's Echo), And he spoke with an air most grave, and grim, Of his sense of the power entrusted to him. But 'twas all in vain; for, though Gush got free By the skin of his teeth, it w^as not to be For GoLiAH the scribe — full of woe his cup. As the Judge dead against him the case summed up; While his dignified anger, and wi'ath knew no bounds, For the costs he'd to pay,^d some five hundred pounds ! But though Gush's career was attended by thorns. The popular ve^rdict against him he scorns ; Although, sundry matters besides these iu question Had certainly caused him some slight indigestion, Such as dabbling in Loans to those States, whom we know, Ne'er pay back a cent of whatever they owe ; WORTHY A CROWN ? 19 Not that hi lost his moaey — b/ no means, but still,' While trying in this way his pockets to fill, The folks who siibdcribed their hard cash to each venture, And lost it, were loud in their threats, and their censure, A.nd found ready ears, that would list to their woes. And Gush's small failings in large print disclose. Yet a smile he still wore, And himself didn't bore, But dressed, dined, and drank with the gusto of yore ; Sipped his soup, and his punch, at the altar of Birch, And looked trim as a bride when she entera the church. Apropos of a bride, we forgot Gush's child — As charming a creature as ever yet smiled ; Her nfime, Gloriana — a beauty, whose eyes Were perfection in colour, expression, and size : Her figure, divine as her face ; all admitted Her dresses, the chastest that Worth ever fitted ; The hearts she had broken, a Stoic had pitied ; Her boots were the neatest that Stultz ever made ; Her bonnets were triumphs, and Fashion, dis- mayed, Retreated in modesty into the shade ; Her locks, a pure golden — a typical hue Of the wealth that she owned, as Belgravia knew; — In brief, a real treasure, Beyond human measure, Whom to bow down, and worship, was really a pleasure. Her lovers were legion, and all of them sighed To make Glokiana, the beauteous, a bride ; While swell younger sons, who adored her afar. Whose wits, with theii* fortunes, were just on a par, Admitted the filly of Gush was a star, But couldn't, by Jove ! stand the thought of her Pa. * * * * Within the City it is night, The Town's ablaze with life, and light, And, hark ! there comes the street along The murmur of a busy throng; The sounds of p'licemen's voices stern, Who back the thoughtless cabbies turn, And wave their truncheon ia each eye, Of those who would the law defy. And tread too close upon the heels * Of most aristocratic wheels. For know, within Egyptia's Hall, The great Lord Flint holds festival. Around the portals mark a crowd Of loungers, who aie not allow'd Within the sacred mystic line, Of those who come to dance, and dine. Where, in the morn, the cailifi" loons Who spend their time in stealing spoons. Or creeping down the areas sly, When Jane, and Sookie, are not nigh, Are taken 'fore the City Beak, His punishment on them to wreak. Behold, instead, a surging mass Who may not through those portals pass, But watch the white-tied whisker'd swellsj Escorting Westend dames, and belles. To join the feast, that knows no stint, Prepared for them by portly Flint. Up the wide stairs, where fair feet tread, As, though upon some verdant bed, A host of gaily blazoned girls. In silks, and feathers, flowers, and curls, Invade the light resplendent halls. The fame of whose historic walls. Is unto gourmets dear, and sweet. For they but live, that they may eat. See Flint, the night's important host, Of Bulland's City great the boast, How well his duties on him sit ! For him, no trace of vulgar wit, But, in its place, a lordly ease, That speaks of civic dignities ; And well-spent nights at luscious feeds, Whereat each visitor but heeds The Carte, that shibboleth of Creeds. Around him cluster dames, and knights. Whose names are known in countless fights, Who've proved by deeds that they have val- He in the field, as in Mall Pall ; And here, and there, with swelling mien, Some great commercial chief is seen, Oblivious of the scene he mocks — His very soul absorbed in stocks. And hands clink glasses, nought that reck, However heavy be the cheque, That wife, or daughter, should opine 'Twere well for peace, that they should aigq, And Lazarus is hero as well, To aid the jinks of Dives swell ; But not in rag? exactly — no, .4I A decent dress he here must show j ^ The crumbs he gathers, wealth will spare, If gathered with a proper air, c 2 20 WORTHY A CROWN ? Of tliat decorum it enjoins To all ou whom it spends ith coins ; " Dine, and lie welcome I" Wealth doth cry, '* But noV'i- forgot the pure white tie And suit of black, consonant with the night, — This done, let loose the dogs of appetite." Buzzing throughout the spacious room there rings The last new scandal about men, and things : How Ducal Coaly, sick of nuptial strife, Seeks freedom from the burden of a wife ; How, as his amours are by no means small, His chances are not wondrous after all ; How Morne's Koyal bride for money Las to forage, — How tired she is of piety, and porridge ; How Boots is getting sick of priestly rule — For though a Mai quis, he's not quite a fool ; How young Lord Gooseberry is going to preach, — How well at Banquets he can make a speech ; How Demi-mondia's ruined Billmank young, Who has no name bad enough for her tongue ; Howpeoi- Lord Squanborough still feels the blow Of what lie dropped in theatres long ago ; How Nauticus declared he'd punch the head Of that sage Prince who lately heaved the lead Upon his mother's yacht, and risked her Grown, Another yacht by calmly running down ; How a famed Glub, 'neath Folytechnia's shade Will very shortly by the heels be laid, As merely being but a gaming hell, For Hebrew rooks, and wealthy pigeons swell ; How Lady Pious paints, and sometimes swears At servants, who may rile her unawares; How Caj)tain Grackiton, whose wit's divine, Beads up Joe Miller, ere he goes to go dine ; How Prince Sixrymae can't drill one battalion ; How Serving's studying Macbeth in Italian ; How Sanjiell, and the Chamberlain, long foes, Are friends at last ; and how the pair propose To write a Bouffe, as sure as eggs are eggs, WhicV Barford finds the tin for, Dicic the legs ; How scatidal lately has found great i-esources. Through startling increase in the year's divorces ; How — how, in fact. Dame Fashion whirls along, And all tlie follies of her motley throng, With all the changes in her ranks by death, — While *•' reputations die at every breath." These furnish matter for the interest Of those who come from, or affect the West ; While graver topics, of a heavier sort. Employ the tongues of Fliijt's peculiar court ; Where Bulls, and Bears, in friendly union meet, Their armour off, in fellowship complete. Where eyebrows arch, or hungiy optics flash, At hints of firms considered safe to smash ; And not more kind the shafts of scandal here — Rougher, perchance, and none the less sevei'e ; For if fair woman's needle-prick is keen, Man's Hword-thrusts leave a wound that can be seen! Dressed a ravir^ Beside her a Peer, With a glass in his eye, and a bit of a sneer, Is fair Globiana, and, circling her chair, A cluster of suitors for whom she don't care ; And she favours them all with a stony-like stai'e. Though the Peer isn't young, and he's fearfully poor. And he's anxious to wed her, he isn't a bore ; For but little he says, as he stands close by. With that sneer on his lips, and that glaaa in his .eye, Which suits Gloeiana at present, for she Is deep in a dream of wild ecstacy Of the blissful past, where, on Hampstead Heath, She met him, around whom, her young fancies ■wreath. He wasn't o'er rich, if the truth be said, And he wore three hats on the top of his head ; From which it is clear, or it should be to you. The loved one, of course, was the son of a Jew j But he sung a wild strain in a key so low, That it thrilled her heart, it was called " Old do' r And she summoned the youth to her palfrey's side — I ought to have said she was taking a ride— And she asked his name, and he murmured ♦' Mo !" And she said, " Your game ?" and he said, " Old clo' 1 " Then a smile illumined her face, and heart As she whipped her donkey, and turned to depart ; And she bade him call on the following morn, And bid for some garments, all tattered, and torn. Her Pa, in his poorer days, once had worn. Next, she flashed a glance from her violet eyes, That danced before Mo, as the sun in the skies j And his eagle eye, in return, gave a look. Expressing full well that he knew his book ; And the following morning he ventured to call. And bought two tons of clothes for just nothing at all, And regaled him deep on the Baron's best fai*e, And sat him in state in the Baron's best chair. For he felt for the Baron he didn't much care ! Gloriana fell Beneath Cupid's spell. Though why, for the life of her, she couldn't tell ; WORTHY A CROWN! 21 And the Levite drank of the passionate draught, For he felt the full force of the blind God's shaft ; And he frequently came when the old man was out, Who would have been far more uncivil, no doubt, And be gave to his darling an ebony chain, Which costs one and-three, out of Petticoat Lane ; And their youn^ hearts clung, through the world might carp, And Mo serenaded her with the Jew's hai'p ; And all was as fair as a gipsy girl's face. When she asks you with silver her palm to trace. ;)s -::• * •» Wherefore to-night was Gloriana sad 1 Because she had not seen her Hebrew lad. Two weeks had passed, since last his arms had pressed Her glowing form unto his manly breast ; Two weeks — long weeks, — no line — and not a word ! Thus was her maiden soul to sorrow stirred. E'en Baron Gush, absorbed in money quest. That there v/as something wrong seems to have guess'd ; But, when he rallied her, the artful jade The usual wit of womankind display'd, Own'd she was dull — was simply somewhat bored — 'Twas a mere headache he might rest assured, — Then kissed her foolish sire, who, lynx-eyed man When speculative matters came beneatVi his scan. Was, in the hands of lovely woman weak, — ■ A simple, guileless infant, so to speak. Amid a clique of monetary kings. Talking of stocks, and other weighty things, The Baron stood, his honest-seeming face All thought of aught but probity would chace, — The cynosure of eyes, who marked him well, Who knew the secrets that his tongue could tell. Now of Cute Collar was the clang of talk, How he contrived Blind Justice so to balk. And laugh'd to scorn, the Peelers on his trail. To whom he gave — in double sense — leg bail. And many a sneer the coterie went round, Of prosecutions falling to the ground, And prosecutors, some of whom, I fear. From guilt — than those they charge — are not more clear ; Those who condone the crime for selfish ends, To law, and justice are no more the friends, Than he, who boldly dares commit the act. Nor blushes, if he's caught, to own the fact. Then rose a Babel of past swindles great, — Of oil-well fakes, of railways inchoate, Of " bogus " companies — a ghastly train- That only live in the promoters' brain ; Of Yankee State debts now in liquidation, Intended but to meet repudiation ; Of sham Insurance specs, that only live A bonus to their swindling Boards to give ; Of Coal Rings and their prices — fearful shams ; Of Brittle Bank prospectuses, whose " crams " Were big enough to dupe a host of lambs ; And round the group there rang the shout of fun, Applauding those who "did" — those who were " done " But served to raise the laugh at softness deep, Which never told them, " Look before you leap !" For in that brilliant circle no one spake In angry protest for the victims' sake. And were there none whose conscience felt a qualm. Felt no reproach their pity to alarm 1 Was there no thought of those who lost their mite. In cheats like these, that " sharper " men delight ; Of happy homes left desolate, and cold. By this accursed thirst for dev'lish gold ; Of widows, orphans, struggling for a crust. Through this unquenchable, and horrid lust j Of crime, of suicide, by madden'd souls, O'er which the Juggernaut of ruin rolls, And, by its awful honour-crushing means, Transforms good men unto the rank of fiends 1 I doubt it much. Among that heartless crew Who daily conjugate the verb " to do," The thought of pity found no resting-place : Indeed, 'twould be to such a sheer disgrace. And Gloriana, though absorb'd in thought, Yet flirted calmly as a beauty ought, — Drove Jones half-mad, sent Smythe into despair. And tortured Brown, with such a pretty air. That Virtue's self could scarcely help but honour. And all this with the face of a Madonna, — Till e'en the Peer, if looks may e'er be trusted. Though very blase felt almost disgusted. Lord Flint was relating, with aspect of glee, The tale of his visit to frisky " Par-ree," Where the Monarch of money was fSted, we know, In the very best form the Parisians could show, — And the Lord Flint's carriage accomp'nied him too, And was freely shown off to the people's view, — And the people cheer'd, as they very well might. For thev never before had seen such a sight ; M WORTHY A CROWN ? And they thought — and 'twas only what many would do — That this was of Bull-land the monarch true, For never such style did real Roy'lty display — With carriages, hor-es, or trappings, so gay — Or such wonderful robeH, with such trimmings of gold, Did ever the Monsirurs before behold. So no wonder that Flint got a wolcome great, — 'Twas less for himself, though, than 'twas for his state. And he smilingly said, " I was glad to get back ; For though there of wit, and of wine, was no lack, I got sorely afraid, from their manner, and tone. Not having a King, at the time, of their own, They might have by force seated me on the throne ! And though great is the honour to rule o'er the French I'd rather be safe on my Civic bench. Where one 's certain one's reign, if a short one,'s secure. And need never the fear of a shindy endure !'' Then began they talk of Eoyal visits of late. To Bull-land, where foreiguei'S came in their !?tate ; Of the goodness of Flint, and the monarch before him. Who, fill'd with a sense of true proper decorum, Likewise the immutable fitness of things. Never grudged Kings a welcome full worthy of Kings ; Though true Koy'lty — alas ! what has Bull-land befell ?— As a rule, send its visitoi-s to an hotel ; — Unless he's a heathen, then nothing's too good For his use, or his welcome, be it understood. The palace so long for its gravity known To the pranks of the Char fully open is thrown : Propriety hardly his doings conld bear 'em, He turned the whole place into nought but a harem. Ah ! the terrible way That, day after day. The Char would go on, was most bad, I must say. Half-tight he would get. Upon gin, heavy wet, Hot vrhisky, and rum, quite forgetting sherbet ; The rules of his creed at defiance he set. But, apart from his diet, The rumpus, and riot In the palace, forbade any notion of quiet. In place of amusements, a trifte discreet. The naughty old Char, and the rest of his suite, Went frisking about. In a way that, no doubt. Caused Her Mujcsty solenjn, with anger to pout. Prizefighters would figlit Before Idm each night ; In games pugilistic the Char took delight; And great Willy Jaw, The Char came before, And, with him, of terriers wondrous a score ; Some rats were brought To afford them sport. Alack ! that ever a Christian court Should hear of, with grief, and horror, afar, Such doings as those of that wicked old Cuar ! Fair coryphdes, Out of those plays. That the Lord Chamberlain's ire always raise, Daily, and nightly, Airily, lightly, Danced for the Char, and attired very slightly ; In fact, at his jinks My modest Muse winks. And I may not pursiie this sad topic, methinks. Suffice just to mention the generous manner He treated the servants — he gave each a " tanner,^ His blessing, and also a carte de phiz-ite Of himself and the rest of his beautiful suite ; And 'tis said, when the palace he quitted next morn, The housemaids rail'd out in a passion of scorn. For it took tons of soap, and whole seas of hot water. To clean up the part that had been the Char's quarter. Yet this potentate, I must candidly state, Who was but, after all, a mere monarch fourth- rate. Met far more attention Than those I could mention, Who unto good treatment had greater pretension. For the great Polar Bear (Though we didn't quite dare To snub him, because of a Princess the ph-e) Was treated quite coolly, compared with tha Char, On whom he looks down upon as below par. Then the Sultan of Turkey (that poor invalid, Whose children rebellioixs, of different creed, Are giving him trouble) was snubb'd you'll con- fess — In fact, as Poyal hosts, we are mean to excess. These two are but samples of muddling and mix- ing Which some day, perchance, may get Bull-land a fix in ! WORTHY A CROWN ? §3 There are more I could quote — Yes, monarchs of note, Though, dwelling, perhaps in some regions remote. Ho matter ! the two I have mentioned will do ; They're the biggest of all, of the visitor's crew ; Bat I trust that some day, we shull learn how to tieat Our visitors with hospitality meet. * * * The flutes tootle-too, and the brass trumpets bray, And the big drums go bang, and the music is gay. And the favoured one, who could take a glance At the beautiful houris who whirl in the dance, Might compare the scene that his eye delights, To something akin to th' Arabian Nights. Gloriana felt ill, And dismal, but, still, With that stately Peer walked througk a solemn quadrille ; And not being sordid, A dance she accorded To poor little Brown — and his patience rewarded. The Peer wasn't pleased, But his mind was eased. When, a moment after, the chance he seized And a valse he requested (A thing he detested, But, which, Gloriana, he knew, interested). It's granted ; they fly, In the flash of an eye, Round the room, you in vain may to follow them try ; And what's more delightful than valsing, pro- vided Your partner at valsiiig's a clipper decided ? It gladdens the heart as you whirl to the strains Of music celestial, and joyousness reigns In a bosom, that solace for woes would refuse, Sufik unpleasantly low in the deepest of blues. And so "with the fair Gloriana : her care And wretchedness, seemed to dissolve in the air, As stopping at last, with a rosy like hne On those cheeks, whose attractions were equalled by few, She murmured, " My Lord, why, your dancing's perfection ; I truly feel lionoured to be your selection ; That last vake was really uncommonly nice — I think I might manage a strawberry ice !" A waiter was passing the satisfied Peer, And the nobleman called him, and said, " Como here ! Just fetch me an ice. And mind that it's nice !" The amiable waiter was ofi* in a trice. And not long away, Ere he came with a tray. The wish of that nobleman grave to obey. " But what is there wrong V Crietl the stupefied throng, As the young lady call'd out, with energy strong : " That face 1 that face ! I surely can trace The features of Mo ; he's in very bad case !" And then, with a shriek, she fell down on the floor In the strongest hysterical fits ; and, what's more. That waiter young Immediately flung Down the tray, and the ices, and ma'lly clung To the fair Gloriana ; while, as for the Peer, He was deluged in ices, and ginger beer, And, catching up Mo by the nearest ear. He kicked him right down that ballroom clear, Disregarding the squalls, And the bawls, and the caUs From all of the guests, in the Lord Flint's halls, The form of that waiter continued to treat Like a football, until it reclined in the street j There a Hans-m he hailed, Which two sliillings entailed, And he bade him go fast — and away he mailed. And see ! the Lord Mayor and his visitors rush, To proffer their aid to the prosti-ate Miss Gush. » # •» « £4 WORTHY A CROWN ? Prince Ted-dee could think of nothing all day but the misery of those two young Iover«. All his gaiety was gone — ho even dipped his Bcltzer and brandy, more as an oblation on the altar of custom, than with any enjoyment — even the mildest jokes of the Melancholy Bash, and his most dismal cadences, failed to arouse him from his lethargy. He felt, too, without knowing why, a sort of adde 1 fuel to tho flame already commencing to burn in his heart. Above fill, her intimate knowledge with the doings of the day in tho far-distant Bull-land, — her evident acquaintance with men, anc matters, ordinarily a closed book to the multitude, astonished him beyond measure. At times, too, he could not but trace a resemblance in tone, and occasionally in feature, to some ouo whom uneasiness regarding this feminine Minstrel — Laila. Her charms had made a powerful impresiion on his heart — always iufl.ammable — and her peculiar modesty of demeanour, which checked alike the Royal traveller and his suite from committing any impropriety in her presence, he had before met ; but, on endeavouring to satisfy himself as to when, and where, he was baffled. The Melancholy Bash was somewhat angry with himself for having introduced so successful a rival into the presence of his Royal Highness, WORTHY A CROWN 1 25 for ber star was evidently in the ascendant, and the feeble efforts of his own muse were pooh- poohed for the nonoe by the Prince, and con- sequently his companionB. For, as the chameleon assimilates itself with tlie hue of whatever may be its surroundings, so the courtiers took their colour from the Prince, and treated Bash with a coldness that certainly bord'.red on con- tempt. population exhibited any extraordinary enthu- siasm at the presence of their future rulei\ Cheers there were, it is trno ; but these princi- pally from the hired claquers of the native Government. Because,candidly speakirg, owing to the extreme economy of the Eome powers, the party cut a sorry figure, and, to the eyes of the Indigo mrtgnates, accustomed to the most magnificent For some day^^ after the recital of the fore- going, the Royal party Avas travelling at a rapid rate throngh the magnificent plains of Indigo. Therefore, there was no opportunity for Laii^a to continue the tragic narrative of the Gold Worshippers, It cannot be said that the native pageantry, the unassuming— not to say beggaryl — procession was greeted with very unequivocal marks of derision. One day was occupied in a tiger hunt, in which his Royal Highness pUyed a prominent part, and had every opportunity of displaying his prowess, 26 WORTHY A CROWN » and sporting experience, for, having first been car^ fully pL4ce(l in one of the strongest furtie'^.st s, to"' tlx-r with tlie more VHlned members of the eoi-teg'', the infuriated animals were driven with- in the Royal ninge. The Prince did notcxiiibit the sliglitest fear at this ciitical moment; but, armed only with an eiglity-one-ton gun, wliich hnd been sent out from Foolwich for tiie expnss purpose, fired at the terrific beast and killed it instantly, by a well-directed shot in the left eye. This superb act of courage, and sportsmanlike skill, was of course rapturously applauded, and the Special Correspondents who accompanied the Prince, devoted several thousand columns in commemorating this brilliant performance. Some of the Opposition organs endeavoured to throw discredit on the affair, indeed, to say that, nnder the circumstances, there was no particular bravery displayed ; but, tiiis was evidently malice, and, as such, was treated by the Royalists. Prince Tei>-dee made innumerable presents ; but, strange to say, this liberality did not evoke any wonderful outburst of gratitude on the part of the receivers, as, in most cases, they were given in return for others of a far more costly description. In fact, the eminent firm of Trash, Rubbish, & Co., of Biuraraagem, supiolitd the ■whole lot of gifts at wholesale prices, and had done the thing remarkably cheap, considering the job was a Royal one. The Prince Teb-dee, personally, was rather popular, for he was more sociable in his manners than the members of his suite ; and, although he ■was horribly bored with the whole affair, he philosophically made up his mind to make the best of it ! One thing certainly called forth his approba- tion — the Indigoan cookery. This being of a remarkably hot, and spicy nature, at once recom- mended itself to the p^ilate of the blase Prince, •whoso appetite required very strong stimulants. He received occasional letters from his Royal Mamma, plentifully interlarded with pious ex- pressions, but, not enclosing anything more worthy his Royal Highness's perusal than the strongest, and most fiery tracts, such as, " The Watering-pot for the Dusty Path of Sin," ** Pious Sandwiches for Hungry Sinners," "A Solemn Squirt to Quench the Flames," and others of a similar nature, which the Prince found of some use for pipelights. Indigo, at present, had shown our hero nothing worth the enormous expenditure of time, and trouble, that he had incurred in reaching it. BuU-landish society out there was Bull landish society at home in niininture, only with the meaner side of society's little weaknesses depicted in rather stronger tints than in his Royal island heritage. Caste was, perhaps, a little stronger also in fndigo. The prevailing tone, however, of the whole of (he palefaces was intense enmii, from wiiich the coming of so mighty a Prinoe as the gre:it Tko-dee rould hardly arouse them. The inferior fellow-travellers of his Royal Highness liad behaved themselves tolerably well. The play had been pretty deep as usual ; but the usual scandals anent cheating among the Heir's convives Avore, for once, happily absent. This mny be owing, in some measure, to the Heir himself, who, somewhat staggered at the recent disclo- sures, which were a little too warm for even his disregard, had spoken with decidedly stern em- phasis upon this point. During all this time the Prince's thoughts were fixed u[)on Laila ; and the old adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder was certainly veri- fied in this instance, for the few days that had elapsed since her last appearance were sufficient to I'ender him more infatuated than ever. Vainly he had endeavoured to penetrate the mystery (>f her origin, and attempted to discover the secret of her whereabouts. In either instance, he had only met with disappointment. For once, too, the Melanchol}' Bash failed to aid hira. Whether knowingly, or not, the Chamberlain declared himself powerless to assist his Royal Highness, in any way, despite his tears, prayers, and imprecations. It was after a more than usually animated interview on this matter, which had the usual result, that, as the Prince was pacing his room with indignant haste, utterly regardless that the thermometer marked llC in the shade, he re- ceived an unsigned letter, but which he had no ditficulty in guessing was from the lovely Minstrel. After reiterated exprtssions of loyalty, and res()ect to his Royal person, the writer observed that she was fully aware of the trouble to which the Prince had put himself to discover the real name, and whereabouts, of the Minstrel. Although highly flattered at the compliment, the writer proceeded to say, that there were reasons of the strictest nature, making it necessary that her incognito should be preserved. Having given his Royal Highness her confi- dence so far, she felt sure, that, as a gentleman, he would cease to try to penetrate her secret ; "But," she concluded, "nnless you pledge your Royal word to that effect, which will set my mind at ease, I must bid you farewell for ever. If, however, your Royal Highness accede to my request, wear the accompanying red rose, in your buttonhole, at dinner, this evening, and your slave will once more be with you." Although Prince Ted-dee was dismayed to find himself balked in his cherished plans, yet, WORTHY A CROWN f 27 fearing that the beaateous Laila "woii4d keep her word, and be Inst to hira f >r ever, and, m re- over, being touched by the appeal to his innate chivalry — and red roses also being; somewhat scarce in Indigo — he accordingly, as was his wont, rasigned hiraself to circumstances, and, carefully placinjj the floral emblem to its best advantage in his buttonhole, with a better appetite than usiial, descended to dinner. That meal having been discussed, and tbe fragrant calnraet having been handed to one, and all, his Koyal Highness bade the Melancholy Bash introduce Laila. In a few minutes after, he returned with the fair Troubadour, who, un- observed, favoured the Piroce Ted-dek with a look of deep gratitude, and a somewhat tenderer feeling. Having been placed by tlie Royal hands on the most comfortable ottoman in tho saloon, the Miubtrel continued her lay. 28 WORTHY A CROWN ? In a suburb of town, Tliat's known to renown, Where on late market gardens, new houses look down, And there, oVn now, remains A small remnant of lanes, Closo to brickfields, new pubs, and the under- ground trains, — There, if you've a mind, 'Twill be easy to fiud The palace, that Gusii for his mansion assigned. It was spick, span, and bright, from the roof to the basement : Was Gothic in tone, with full many a casement, Well fitted to fill simple minds with amazement. But a short time ago. Gush determined, you know, To buy up the land of a neighbourhood low. Where the Paddies full long had resided in ease Such as suits them, and mingled with wakes, and with sprees. Well fitted their rolatile spirits to please. But Gush bought the ground, And they speedily found Their quarters to shift, theywere certainlybound ; So these knights of the blouse, After several rows, By the aid of the p'lice from the scene made their bows. And soon on the site of those shanties is reared A dwelling Sir Christopher might have revered. A fault if it had — I'd not carp, let me state — Butstillitmightseem,p'rhaps,athoughttooornate. And here the great GusH built his nest, and he smiled; At the thought 'twould jnst do for his beautiful child. And he spared no expense ; but the chroniclers say, That he did some big "specs" on the very same day That he had resolved on that gi'eat outlay. And builders, and masons, and carpenters too, Andbricklayer8,andblacksmiths,andallofthecrew With painters, and gard'ners, and heaven knows who, He sent for, and bade them the very best do, To build him a mansion, complete to the view, That none could surpass, and e'en equalled by few; And he said, " For your money don't be in a stew: I always pay cash — spurning false I U — So, believe me, the order you won't have to rue. You'll ne'«rhav« occasion the Baron to sue !" And they swallowed the bait, as they would, he well knew. * * * * The moon shone brightly o'er each tall And chimney-oumber'd, red-brick wall. When, cautiously, a form drew near 'Neath Gloriana's lattice clear. Whose plate-glass, burnished well, and bright, Reveal'd a faint, and flickering light, Like that, its feeble ray which throws When wearied beauties seek repose : The form, though of a manly youth, Moved somewhat awkwardly — in sooth, As though yet suffering from the fray Of some not distant battle day. Or — what will minds prosaic suit^ As if a huge, unfriendly boot Had been applied with force unkind, And — blush not Muse — applied behind ; But still, with weary step, and slow. It struggled forward, though of woe Some sounds, and perhaps an oath or so Of niirsed revenge, there came from " Mo." Yea, it was Mo the place who haunted,^ The lovesick Moses, still undaunted, Who sought his love, though suffering sore From noble's toe, as told before ! Then, as a lusti'oua moonbeam fell. Upon the room he loved so well. With shaky voice, the youth essayed The following sweet serenade. Which drew the tears from beauty's eyes. In Offenbach's sweet " Bridge of Sighs." (Air — " Star upon Star." Offenbach.) " Dear one, your Pa's now snoring, Which I am not deploring; Ere it commences pouring. Come down, my love, to me ! And, because the night air's chilly. To guard thy most sainted form. Pray bring down — don't think me silly — A stiff glass of brandy warm I Ah ! I would go in ecstatics. But I've got the rheumatics, And amongst sheer lunatics Classed I deserve to be ! " Come, love, the night is waning, And it's commencing raining; I, too, must catch the train in Less than of minutes ten, Or I else shall have to cab it ! — We're beyond the radius here, And it's an expensive habit, That I cannot bear, my dear ! Ah I Quick, for the raindrops patter i Quick, for my poor teeth chatter j Oh, what can be the matter 1 Why don't you come to me ?" WORTHY- A CROWN? 29 But no response, except some am'rous tabhies. And passing wheels of home-returning cabbies, — Alas ! no sound upon his ear there fell ; And soft he muttered, "Ain't this here a sell I" But, undismayed, his wrath he checked with puin. And bravely strove to sing another strain. (Air — *' Goodbye, sioeetheart, goodbye !") " Beneath your window, love, I'm shaking, — To stand here long by no means is a treat, For I with honest fear am quaking. Of bobbies stern — of bobbies on their beat ! They'd run me in without a doubt, So quickly now skedaddle love must I : So if asleep — or if you're out — Goodbye, sweetheart, goodbye ! Goodbye, sweetheart, goodbye ! So, if asleep, or if you're out — Goodbye, sweetheart, goodbye 1" This song was more lucky : a halfpenny fell At the f-et of the amorous musical swell, And the fair Gloriana appeared on the scene. Attired in a dressing-gown charming, of green ; And she stood on the balcony much in the way Tliat Miss Juliet did in an earlier day, And she chanted, in voice that was dulcet, and low. An air from the Daughter of Madame Angot. (Air — Conspirators^ Chorus. Madame Angot.) " Oh, my love, what I've suffered, I cannot really tell, Since the time when misfortune my poor Moses befeU ; Both to sleep, or to eat, I've been unable, I swear, And for even dress. Mo, I didn't care ! Oh, when I saw that dear form of thine Kicked by the Peer, I did much repine ; For I knew he'd hurt you greatly, 'Cause his boots repaired were lately, And I swore he should ne'er be mine ! Though Pa's fury has been fearfiJ, Whicbi has made things far from cheerful, I'll no other's be, my Moses dear, than thine !" Quoth Mo ; " For days I'd vainly tried To gain my Gloriana's side ; For days had faced the streets with woe, Insanely murmui'ing ' Old clo' !' But all in vain ; no trade I did. And I was also sternly bid, By blue-clad serfs, with buttons bright, Those caitiffs stern, who cooks delight, To move on ever, till I thought My wretched brain, thus overwrought. Must soon give way, ere I could sea The one, who's all the world to me ! '■■ I bribed a menial, and 1 found Unto that ball Uiafc \ou were bound, And to tliti pastrycook I hied. The uight/s provision who supplied ; f gained liis ear — I told my tale, Asia treated him to weak four ale — Gained his coasent, as waiter I To gain a word with you should try— You know the rest; how kicked, and cuQyl, And nearly out my candle snuffed. By means I shudder to depict. From out your presence I was kicked 1" ** No more, no more, On that sad score ! Though deeply I the deed deplore, To-morrow night shall see us far From wicked Peer and stern Paf>a ; We'll leave this pompous scene of wealth. Fly in an omnibus by stealth ! Content with little, we'll not wrangle. But buy ourselves a patient mangle ; And when upon your rounds you trudge. At home I'll be a patient drudge, — Await your coming, hubby deary. Nor scold if your'e a little beery !" " Oh blissful union I" muttered Mo, " It sends my fond heart in a glow ; But tell me, darling — don't be rash- How are you off for ready cash ]" The maiden wink'd a sweet responsive wink, And ehooka purse with sweetly sounding chink ; What Mo was going to say, none e'er will know. For, at the same time, he received a blow, From truncheon hard, which simply laid him low. And quick the scene, but lately one of peace. Is crowded by the helmets of p'lie<>, And, in their midst, as to seize Mo they rush — Upon his nose a more than crimson flush — In all his wrath, behold the Baron Gush 1 The Peelers all, with triumph on their brow, Together sing this strain, rejoicing now : CHORUS. (Air — The Scamp.) "Oh, although very moral Wd look. We're not at all good, you must know ; We swindle each housemaid and cook, Around on our beat as vre go ! We run folks in who're perfectly right. And scoundrels we often let go ! And if there is a fight. Why you search for us might, We take care on the scene ne'er to show ! to WOKTHY A CROWN t Oh ! if ever there were some d — d scamps, We flatter ourselves they are we ; In 'rushing' and lushing, And cheek most unblushing, Such scamps yet you never did seel" Tliey seized their prisoner. Then Gusii observed: "Although, from duty, never have 1 swerved, Yet, Btill, of scmdal I've a perfect horror " "Oh, please, great Gusu, I'm really full of sorrerf Th's from poor Mo, who quickly held his peace, Btiiig again knock'd down by eighteen p'lice — " Therefore," said Gush, "as he is rather young, Perhaps less rash in deed, than in his tongue, Instead of charging him, my friends, you see, — In which case scandal's flood will be set free, — I purpose placir)g him 'neath lock and key, Just for the night, and, in the morning, he Shall give a clear, and full account to uie. Of how around my house he chanced to bo !" The Sergeant looked glum, and he said, " That would lob Intelligent oflicers of a good job. This capture, so daring, our names will enshroud With gloiy, and perhaps we'll be something allowed ; So, though sorry to do so, I'm bound to say, no. My Lord, we cannot let the piisoner go !" "Oh, I take you!" said GuSH, "Why I must Lave been dense : It's a question, of course, of pounds, shillings, and pence ! Well, bend to my view, and I'll quickly contrive, — ah!— That you and the rest shall each collar a fiver." Like magic, his words change the tone of the force, — " To obligate gents why they're ready in course ; And, no doubt, the Bai-on is right ; so they hope He'll look sharp with the cash, and they're ready to slope." The raat'er'a soon settled. The prisoner's placed, With arms, and hands, tied to the back of his waist, In the coal-cellar deep, where the beetles carouse, And who Mo, from his slumbers, most quickly arouse. How he passes the night, I cannot well say ; But I know that he prays for th.e coming day. » * *■ * It is morning at last, The long night has parsed, And the world seem^ awakening from sleepiness ^st, — On the table display'd, Ev'ry luxury's laid. From a oold pheasant pie down to Scotch mar- malade. There are rounds of nice tWist, And cold joints roast. And of nick nacks, and goodies, a regular host : Such as toothsome sardines, And the plums of Orleans, And kidneys, and bacon, and all other mean;*, To tickle the appetite, when it should need A stimulus great, to induce one to feed. Gloriana is there, And a look of deep care Depresses those features exquisitely rare; And her parent's naost glum, Though he sits very mum, And at times he applies to a bottle marked " Hum." At his daughter he glares. To himself, too, he swears. And in fact is the surliest surly of bears ; Then a bell he rings. And an oath he flings At the man who comes to remove the things. And he bids him, " Away ! — Without further delay, Produce me the caitiff, the night who lay In the coal-cellar deej), sans of light a ray !" And soon they brin^ back. All br'grimed, and black. That amorous Mo, with his Jew's-harp and pack ; And they vent on him many a sneer and a snack. But still Glokiana, although she's uiducky. Possesses a heait tliat is tender, and plucky ; And whispers, " Old boy, though the old man frown, Your pecker keep up, and don't be cast down f" Then bellows the Baron, indignantly, " Fellow, The cause of this rash act I'd have you to tell, oh !" And Mo, very much in the slyle of Othello, As far as the shade of his face, and his hands, To make his excuses forth boldly stands; When, hark ! like a shock, Sounds the postman's knock, As the hour of eight chimes out from the clock ; And the Baron said, " Wait !"— For, all legends relate, The post was to him like the finger of fate. His letters are brought, And quick, e'en as thought In his eager hands all the missivea are aaugUt; WORTHY A CROWN ? SI And he first opens one, and he reafis it down, Ajid his face wears a deeper, and darker frown ; Then the next he reads, and its contents, too, Are not over-pleasant, 'tis plain to tlie view ; Then the third, and fourth ; and the menial throng Can see there undoubtedly is something wrong. "With a quivering hand, and an ashen cheek. That, far more than words, his feeliugd speak, He opens the last — 'tis i)lain to see This is the hist blow to the falling ti"ee. "I'm ruined, I'm done! For, each son of a gun, I've asked for assistance, will proffer me none ! Too long I have tded The crisis to hide, But no more I can stem misfortune's tide. I've long cut a dash, — But I've been too raali,— So, at last I've come to downright smash ; And when I'm examined, I fear 'twill be found I shall not pay even one sous in the pound !" Then up and spake Mo, — " Come, tinish your woe. For I am no humble old clothesman, know, But, son of a Peer, Who e'en you must revere. For he lias at leiisfc uinet,y thousand a-year ! Your daughter I've woo'd III tliis manner rude. To see if her churms could faith include^ And I've found her true ; And I'm not a Jew, As quickly, my noble, I'll prove to you ! I'll give you some tin. Your name back to win, — For I can't but be kind to my future wife's kia. ^o, cheer np, my buck, For, know, you're in luck ! I know you're a good one, with plenty of pluck, And rely that for once you oil have struck !" Then the Baron, astonished, no word expressing, Soon joined the young pair, and gave them his blessing, And asked Moses' pardon (his real name wasFRED) For the kicks he'd received and the whacLs on his liead, And the joy was immense in the Baron's domain, And he promi^sed he never would fiddle again; And now, on religion, he's gone nearly cranky. And fancies he's gifted as Moody and Sankey ; And the lady, and Fked, Soim after were wed, And they live very happily now, it is said; And the Baron, once " fly," now with fervour will scold If he chances to hear of the Worship of Gold I 82 WORTHY A CROWN? At the conclusion of Laila's relati'm of tlie Gold Worshippers, tln^ Prince Ted-J)EK expressed himself highly doliglittd with the narration — un approval that wan cndorticd by Iho members of Ids suite with great \vurn\tli, luid cord idity. Indeed, the fair Laila was an object of the most intense interest to the young o-outs surrounding his Royal Highness, and, had it not been that the strongly-marked partiality their Royal Master displayed for the fair Minstrel, effectively con- vinced them, that to annoy, or insult her in any way, would bring down upon them the full weight of the Piincely displeasure, there is little doubt that she would have been subject to an embarassing amount of flattery, and equivocal attentions. But, as before said. Prince Ted-dee's respectful attitude towards Laila, was an example that not even the most reckless, and wilful of his suite could blind himself to ; and, when I add to this the dignity, and self-possession which were the marked characteristics of the young lady, when her duties were over, the reader will readily understand that she escaped many perils which would have beset the path of one similarly circumstanced. During all thi», the Prince continued his onward route, varied by occasional stoppages at different cities, where his arrival was the signal for any amount of absurd, and nauseating expressions of loyalty from the whites, which, however, found little, or no echo in the native population. Tiiis portion of the people seemed to survey the whole affair with a listlessness akin to the most supreme diadaia. Vainly the Government organs got up the most enthusiastic and glowing descriptions of the receptions of the young Prince. They looked admirable on paper, but were outrageously chaffed by the Indigoan journals of the natives, as well they might expect to be ; for even his Royal Highness (who, what- ever his faults, had the merit of candour) remarked, on reading one more than usually high-flown description of some portion of his progress, ** What terrific lies !" Nevertheless, there was plenty of eating, and drinking, and compliment paying, and the usual amount of tomfoolery expected in such cases ; and the Home journals expressed their delight, and wrote long ailidos on Indigoan policy, which no one understood anything about (an.l the writers less than any one) ; and everything M'ent merry as a M-orlding bell. In the midst cf all this content, and happiness, there was one miserable being, whose heart was ill at ease, — one wretched individual whom not all the s])lendour surrounding could give happi- ness to, — and this was no other than the Cham- berlain, the Melancholy Bash ! For his star was completely overclouded by Laila ! His songs were scarcely listened to, and at times his auditors were not scrupulous as to wounding his fetlings by loudly-expressed remarks of impatience and disgust. Comparisons were made between himself, and the new comer, with the usual effect of such comparisons. In fact, the Melancholy Bash was completely overpowered. His almost superhuman effort to retain his old position of Chief Entertainer to the Prince's Court was decidedly gone. Although ho held the shadov/ of authority, the substance had fled. And, therefore, the Melancholy Bash was a very unhappy comic vocalist ! It may be asked, why, if the Chamberlain found the female Minstrel Laila so much in his way, he did not use the authority he possessed to get I'id of her? But, it must bo remembered, Laila was the protege of the Prince, his master ; and, much as he might have desired the girl's absence, to accomplish his desire would have been a task of much difficulty, and risk. In the meantime, he was forced to be content with continually venting remarks of a dispa- raging nature with I'egard to the poetical, and lyrical efforts of Laila, which, however, did not seem in the least to affect that beautiful young creature, and were received by the others as merely the customary ebullitions of feeling of one jealous of another's success. It was on a more than usually beautiful evening, as they were passing through the magni- ficent sceneiy of Slobbery wallah, that the fair Minstrel was ordered to attend the Royal party, after the evening meal had been discussed, and, having taken her accustomed place beside his Royal Highness, commenced the relation of the legend whioli shall receive the name of "The Blue Veiled Prophet of Boulogne 1" TEN POPULAR EEPEIlfTS OF AND OTHER Early English Newspapers. ENGLISH MERCURIE. July 23, 1588. " Invasion of England." WEEKELY NEWES. Jan. 31, 1606. " Execution of Guy Fawkes." THE GAZETTE. Sept. 6, 1558. " Death of Oliver Cromwell." THE NEWES. July 6, 1665. " The Plague." LONDON GAZETTE. Sept. 10, 1666. " Great Eire of London." THE TIMES. Oct. 3, 1798. " Battle of the Nile." THE TIMES. April 16, 1801. " Battle of Copenhagen." THE TIMES. Nov. 7, 1805. " Battle of Trafalgar." THE TIMES. Jan. 10, 1806. " Funeral of Lord Nelson." THE TIMES. June 22, 1815 " Battle of Waterloo " Complete in Wrapper, One Shilling i's^I^ampI^ THE INTELLIGENCER. Feb. 5, 1618. " Execution of Charles I." Post Free l^d. Facsimile of Magna Charta Post Free Ud. Facsimile of Death Warrant Charles I. Post Free 2id. THE TIMES Jan. 26, 1793. " Execution of Louis XVI." Post Free Ud THE TIMES. July 3, 1797. " Execution of Richard Parker." Post Free l^d. Facsimile of Death Warrant Mary Queen of Scots. Post Free Ud. THE TIMES Aug. 15, 1821. " Funeral of Queen Caroline." Post Free 2^d. HEAD 6f MEEK, 15, Wine Office Court, Fleet Street, And all ITewsagents and Bookstalls. ^ % .Q o^ TABLE D'HOTE x< Six O'CLOCK. HOTEL 264, 265, 266, 267, TOTTENHAM COURT ROAD \ '<^X H^iblk antr ||ri&at^ ginitig §l00ms* A^ $!^' WINE SHADES. V V ,1 II ,li»l" - /. WORTHY A CROWN ? 33 THE BLUE VEILED PROPHET OF BOULOGNE. In that delightful town by Gallia's sea, Boulogne-sur-Mer, — that Paradise to me, — Where Bull-land's exiles, hard up or disgiace(\ From every quarter have for ages raced ; Here, ou the throne, to which the blind belief Of millions raised him, sat that sporting cliief The great Welcher nee ! O'er his features hung A veil — a dark blue veil which he had flung Where sharpest of all sharps, the betting man, Here roams at ease, to mould each swindling plan, And gives not one regret to orgies o'er Upon the verdant turf of Bull- land's shore, But smiles, content in foreign lands to roam, If but allowed to fleece those still at home ; — In mercy there, to hide from flats so green The keenest features turfites e'er had seen. Expelled from Bull-land — forced to "takehi'shook" With other knovving ones who make a book — To Caledonia first he made his way, But all too brief was his allotted stay : SI WORTHY A CROWN ? Once more unto the law had he to yield, And seek a refuge in a farther field. Yet, still undaunted, he could find it pay, To state within the papers ev'ry day, The odds Wkl-ciieu-nee was ])rei)ared to lay ; And, undismay'd liy threats Ironi Scotland-yard, His artful games he would not still disciivd. Till angry Justice rose, with llaniing brand, To hunt these enemies from out the land, And bade the Chieftain I'oar, again, his throne In Gallia's Bohemia — that's Boulogne. On either side the Channel oft he " lands," Of young Believers thousands he commands — Youiig-bleai'-eyed nincompoops fall in his nets, With whom he does a roaring trade in bets. Sons of poor gentlemen, of snobs, of snips, Believe in great Wel-cher-nee's latest " tips ;" And he is foremost 'mong the smooth-tongued scamps. Who can exti'act their victims' postage stamps. Oily his tongue, well fitted to deceive The blatant fools who " Prophets " still believe ; E'en to himself the truth he'd scarcely tell, But what he was, though, he knew very well. More humble I'ogues might copy him in vain, But found their labour met with little gain. First among knowing ones Wel-cher-nee stood, " And left his country for his country's good." * * ■::• * 'Twas whispered bysomp,that the Prophet's career Was wondrously strange, and, from all that I hear, That assertion was based on some truth, it is clear. Of his youth, though but little was known, Rumour said, it By no means appeared to be much to his credit. 'Twas thought he'd been reared in the tenderest style, _ That on his commencement the Fates seemed to smile ; It was said that he came of a good county stock. Whose name, and whose fame were as fiim as a rock, — That he entered on life with a cnpital start. And didn't seem like to be " put in the cart ;" And those cronies averred, who than others knew more. That Wel-cher-nee was noted, in past days of yore. As a swell in the " Row," in Mayfair, and the Corner, — Indeed, of all three was the constant adoruer ; 'Twas mooted that, then, he was courted by tliose. Who now at Wel-cher-nee would turn up their nose. At Newmarket meetings the trainers would doff Their hats to the one, then considered "a totF;" While at IMelton his stud called for high admira- tion From those who in hunting find great relaxation. At Poole's he had tick ; and in Bond-street each shop Would welcome the famous extraA'agant fop ; Jle'd rooms in the Albany, furniture rare. And pictures, whose value to gauge I wou't dare, Tlie choicest of weeds, The handsomest steeds, And gave the most charming and toothsome of feeds — In brief, was a fast-living liberal chap, Who cared fur his future " the divil a rap." Around him there gathered the usual lot Who cling to a swell when there's aught to got, Anonymas I'adiant, and those of the brood Whose nets are spread wide in St. John's shady Wood ; Those beautiful Circes, Who're men's greatest curses. Who drain (just like leeches, the life blood) their purses. And leave them, at once, when they meet with reveises ; Those butterflies bright. Who shine best at night, And mankind to ev'ry batl action incite. Nor leave them until they are " bottled up ' quite ! Alas ! though men blame, They forget, to their shame, The fault of all this their own passions must claim. 'Tis man who instils the first poison of love. In the heart of the girl, that he dares to reprove ; 'Tis man who first teaches the maiden to stray From that strait, but most truly, monotonous way In which Piety v/alks, with a mien most severe, That fills would-be converts with terrible fear. For it hints: "If a sinner, you musu't come here." Can Virtue be shocked at the progress of Vice When the strongest of baits that it tries to entice Its sister thus falUn, are, not kindly acts, But too frequently patronage pious, and tracts 1 The heart that is bleeding, will bleed none the less, That it knows its own guilt is the cause of distress ; And, to save it in time, we should teach it to feel The 2^l^cisure we share with the duty to heal, And a few words of kindness in sisterly tone May once more rear the soul, for the time over- thrown. WOUTHY A CROWN? 35 But, good gi'acious ! wliat's this 1 Why, there's something amiss, — Of sentiment, moral, I'm in an abyss. Excuse my divergence — now grant my beseeching, Pray don't think that / afleot Sunday-school teaching — I did not intend in the least to be preaching ! To return to Wel-cher-nke Besides these good ladies, He'd plenty of male fellow trav'llers to Hades : Some young, and some old, Some cautious, some bold. But all in the reg'ment of " Bad lots " enrolled. You would find beardless boys, with no hair on their chin, And each one, though youthful, an adept in sin, — Their youth but increasing their passion for evil, And driving them rather more fast to the devil ; Whileold gr;vy-]iairedror(t'S,inwhom longhad died The la?t si)ark of goodness, with each other vied As to who the most speedily downwards could glide ; Not a trick, nor a cheat, but which gaily they'd bend to, Not a meanness on earth, that they scorn'd to descend to ; Men by whom truth, and honour, were laid on the shelves. And such liars, they couldn'tbelievein themselves! Some were jjigeons at present, like him they surrounded, And, p'lhaps, hardly yet, had the deepest depths sounded, But were destined, full surely, and down in Fate's books. To gradually turn from white pigeons to rooks I Their amusements were few, But sensational, too, — They'd dice, drink, and dissipate till all was blue ; And their gods were " Blind Hookey," " Un- limited Loo," " Draw Poker," and " PTazard," and more of the host, That in circles of gamblers, of course, rule the roast ! The Turf was their heaven, where *ea:-h strove his bes!-. His fellows to do with a devilish zest : The highest among them was he wlio could claim The clearest, best title to honest men's shame. In fact, to sum np — and I dread no refuter — Than them, upon earth, you'd find nobody 'cuter. You will Avell understnnd, That, within such a band. Where rogues were as thick as the seashore with sand, Wel-ciier-nee soon came to the end of hl3 tether, — In fact, very soon Wiis "dead broke" altogether. And so it fell out one fine day of ihe Oaks, Where the party who went had been full of their jokes. After leaving Crcmorne, A good deal after dawn, — 'Twas before Canon CiiOMWELL caused John Baum to mourn, — He got home to his rooms, as the daylight was breaking. With a head that was aching, A hand that was shaking, — A pretty good sign all night he'd been raking ; And he cried, " I can see, Its all over with me, — I'm diddled, I'm done, I am quite up a tree ; I'm mined, in fact, and Pre not got a stiver j I'm naked of tin as of clothes was GoDiVA !" For once, 'twas the truth ; But our knowing brave youtli, Disdaining regrets as unmanly, forsooth ! To account turned his brains, and (he being no dunce). After some short reflection, determined at once, As he had by others been done \ip in town, To do the same parties again very brown. Or, as that course was doubtful, consid'ring their nous, He decided on tumbling in swindling folks — souse ! And thus to recover from others his pelf, In the very same way he had lost it himself. 'Twas said, and 'twas done, A nd, as sui'e as a gun, 'Twas soon found to beat him ixi fahes th-Qve were none. From a yowng man renowned among shaips as a mark. He grew keen as a razor, and deep as a shark. Wretched ti-adesmen, who trusted him, wept o'er their ills ; They got very short answers to very long bids ; Importunity's tide he'd a quick way to stem ; As for duns, he with vigour, at once consigned them To a place very like the next letter to M ! When his credit was flown, He gave vent to no gioan, Though he sprang a few oaths, in a raild under- tone; But his genius at cards tried to turn to account, And won for a time to a goodly amount ; 36 WORTHY A CROWN ? Till some cynics, who wouldn't in pure luck believe, Of Wel-cher-nee got doubtful, — to tell it I gi'ieve, — And they watched, and fouud carda he'd concealed in his sleeve. This misha}) caused his rout, In club card-rooms, no doubt, For of all, the next day, did he get the kick out. He, of coui'se, was most vexed. And immensely perplexed As to what to decide on as best to do next. A bright thought then struck him : stiyshe, "My wit sharp is — I'll soon make some tin out of some of those harpies, Who gaily to rob me in loans were content, At the int'rest of only four hundred per cent. !" In delight with his plan, to the West off he flies, And he drops on — and much to the parties' surprise — Those folks who lend money to greenhorns of station ; In fact, are the Vampires of Bull-land's great nation. He visited Eoss-eye, and Flurray tlie Bald, (The Crocodile usurer this one is called, And near Dickapilly in comfort's installed) Then, over the way, to old Speakhard lie went, That amiable Jew, who's a face of content, Who pays for his chambers a very high rent, And on being thought Christian's uncommonly bent — Financier, he styles himself, which is most funny, Suh road, he first lends his clients the money ; Then blandly arranges his flat's small affairs, Thus (landing on both sides) their money he shares ; For he first lends the tin — yes, there isn't a doubt of it — And gets them to pay him, for getting them out of it; On his stairs you may often poor nobles discover, Of " Jordan tJis other side " did he get over ! Of all the bad lot, he's the very worst scamp. And the law will, no doubt, soon his genius cramp. Then he called on a neighbour, one Pallisher bight, Who shines out among all these gentlemen bright ; For, to give him his due, he don't honesty flash, But plainly says, "I must be paid for my cash." Next, on Louis and Henri, two brothers, he peeped, And found, to their eyes, they in bus'ness were steeped ; But he didn't see Caesar, the King of the lot. For that Crcesus, of late, too conceited has got. And does no more bills, as he's tired of the caper, Having made a gigantic amount out of paper ! And some others there were, to the best of belief ; But, at any rate, these were of beauties the chief. He arranged with them all to bring clients to borrow (As he had of old, to his infinite sorrow). For which he would get his commission on loans, Exclusive of what ev'ry money tout bones. But the game didn't last, Though he started full fast. And in to\iting for Jews he has ne'er been sur- passed. For a time 'twas all right; he got customers plenty. The most of them hobble-de-hoys about twenty. And by the address, and the tact he displayed. For some months he did an undoubted good trade. But the greenhorns got shy ; and the ones done so brown. Complained of their treatment all over the town. While, to sum up the whole of the money-hawk's ills. The parents disputed a whole lot of bills, And the scorn of the World, too, stuck fast in their gills. Welcher-nee began to be cut right, and left. And was of his senses, they say, near bereft. That game being up, he came down one more peg,— Among Welchers he suddenly came as a "leg," — As a "leg," but remember, a grand sort of one. Who unto the lowest as yet never fell. But looked as though whether he lost, or he won. Was a thing of no moment to such a big swell. At the meeting3 all over the country, Wel- cher-nee Was found, as at Westminster Courts an attorney, Gotup in a costume as faultless as could be, And, therefoi-e, considered a wealthy man would be. He took odds and he laid ; But, I'm sadly afraid, If he lost, that the winners but seldom got paid. By this time, of course, he was what, at a glance. The man of the world calls a thorough Free Lance. Hisfriendslonghad cuthim,he found, to his cost, As one who was utterly done for, and lost. WORTHY A CROWN ? 37 Aud yet he kept on, in despite of their sneer, And managed a capital income to clear ; But the game got too hot, — Though he swindled a lot, 'Twas fated that he, too, should soon "go to pot." At some races one day, when his betting pui'suing, Surrounded by several flats he was doing, He felt himself collared, and hit in the jaw, By a victim he'd welched at a meeting before. Then the rest of the crowd Kevenge on him vowed, And it sftemed as though Fortune determined to cloud His course, that had hitherto fortunate been, By venting upon him her bitterest spleen. They kicked, and they cuffed him. They beat him, they " scruffed him," In every manner reviled, and rebuffed him ; They pulled out his hair ; Off his clothes did they tear, Which drove the poor wretch to the utmost despair ; And really his life was in danger — no doubt of it,— He hadn't the ghost of a chance to get out of it ; Till the Peelers, at last, when all hope seemed beyond. Fished him out of a neighbouring deep, muddy pond. Into which he'd been ilnng, as a thief, aud a rogue, For ducking with sportsmen's a fashion in vogue. After this, it would seem, He planned many a scheme To extract from the milk of man's kindness the cream. Than he, no one better To beg, in a letter, Describing himself as a martyrised debtor, Who thought if but dead it would be all the better ! He knew how to pen the appeal that quick kin- dles In charity's bosom the ember. All swindles To him came as easy as shelling green peas,— In fact, they appear'd to him Life's greatest spiees. But, in spite of his talent, his cheek, and the rest Of attaiuinents he had fellow mortals to best, He was doomed, like more honest folks, mis'ry to sup. Or, in other words, came to be beastly " hard up !" We lose sight of him here For full many a year. How he lived goodness knows, for I have no idea — In fact, all this part of his life's changeful history Ib swathed in the deepest, and densest of mystery. Some say — but then slander too often is venal — • A decade was passed in imprisonment penal, — In short, that, although great Wel-ciier-nee might brag. He had been nothing less than a regular " lag " — A title bestowed upon those, I believe. Who are convicts, or out on a ticket-of-leave ! However that may be, 07ie matter is certain O'er his life for long years there descends a thick curtain. Till some time before he from Bull-land had flown To appear as the Prophet of Sport ia Boulogne! In Boulogne, we are told, Since the ages of old, No old bathing women at visitors scold. When they timidly shirk entering sea-water cold. In their place, we have bathing men, polished, urbane. And Dryads, in fact, of whom none can complain. Well, one of these elderly seahorses, bland, Whose rank was but humble, whose name though was grand (For, if asked for it, he would his fine teeth disclose As he answered " Jacques Cesar Achille de BONNECHOSE "), Had a very sweet daughter. The Belle of her quarter, A French diamond, indeed, of the very first water, Who had all Boulogne, and its young men to court her ; — A charming brunette. With eyes black as jet, That were formed by Dame Nature from birth to coquette. And a figure, and bust, that, by general election, Were candidly owned to be simple perfection ; While her feet and her hands were, — but steady, my IMuse, I wish that a calmer deportment you'd choose, Or to stay in your company I must refuse ! — Her name Henriette, Such a sweet little pet. Whose path anxious Frenchmen with ardour beset. Henriette was a dear little woman, and knew How to angle her sweethearts, who sought her to woo. She'd flirt with them all; butshe puzzled them all, As to really on whom would her choice chance to fall. She broke half the hearts in the town and vicinity ; In fact, was in all respects, quite a divinity. 33 WORTHY A CROWN ? But out of her beaux, Who Kulluiecl such woes, In pur^^uit of our fair Mademoiselle de IjOXNE- CUOSR, Most ardent among them was Hexiii Cociion, A fat wealthy cook, who was dead nuts upon T!ie sweet HL;NRiETTii: ; to whom, day after diiy. His addresses in form, he would gallantly jwy ; He'd biing her such goodies, sitch puddings, and pies, And entrees delicious, to gladden her eyes, With choice oyster patties, and tartlets (livi»o, AwA jidtes aux triiffcs on which gourmets might dine, For, in cooking, great Henri was notably good. Ami the art of a chef to the full understood. While, though dear Henri ette was angelic indeed, She by uo means disdained onnicedainties to feed ; For, be sure, lovely woman, in most things un- stable, Is generally sweet on delights of the table. Among Henri's rivals, both youthful and aged. There was none that his ft ar or attention engaged Akin to Wel-ciier-nef, in Henri's eyes hideous. As being a rival from Albion perfidious, For the Prophet, above must of weaknesses human. Was still slave to one — 'twiis the worstiip of woman, And firmly his mind, and affections had set On the person, and heart, of the said Heneiette, AYho he thought was the cleverest filly he'd met. Fere Bonnechose said little to Henriette's suitors ; Of parents was he the most mild of all tutors ; To each, and to all, he politeness would show. Providing they brought him des 2)etits cadeaux. Such as 'baccy or wine, but a smile if you'd see On the face of her Pa, you'd suggest ecm de vie, Which he swallowed like elderly maidens drink tea. He didn't care muoli who might woo Henriette, For each lover was sure to bring fish to his net. Wel-ciier-nee and Henri v.-cre foes to the core, Yet a mutual appearance of friendship they wore. When they met, why with anger they coitainly trembled ; But, spite ('f their feelings, they ever dissembled. For both thought the other a fool in his heart ; And, while inly determined to try every art His rival to ruin, thought fit rage to smother. That thus each might keep a strict watch on the other: So publicly, privately, daily, and nightly. They treated each other " uncommon politely." To gain o'er Wel-ciier-nee, fat Henri had wishes, Souiten wouldfavour our friend with made dishes. To tickle his palate, and gladden his soul — By no means bad strategy, fiiends, on the whole. Wel-CHI'.r-nek, too, filled with a similar thought, For Henri, cigars and cheap ties often bought; And, ever avoiding the subject of courting, Instilled in his lival a licice love for sporting. Hkxri fell in the t.ap; for his nature was greedy, And, being cxtravagarit, oft he Wiis needy. The Alien, he saw with disgust, and tsurprise, lleajjcd more tin from sporting, than ke from his pies. He saw him looked up to by English, and Fi'ench, (Who racing affecteil) like one on the Bench ; And he argued, " If he can amass wealth like this, ' Le Sport ' as a ' spec ' cannot be quite amiss ; So I'll flatter his vanity, make him believe That I'm only a fool, while I'll laugh in my sleeve, His coDfidence win, and his secrets find out ; Thus enriching myself at his cost without doubt." The plan was a good one ; it filled him with hope ; But he didn't quite know yet with whom he'd to cope. Wel-ciiek-nee was doing a capital trade In "tips," and in betting; the postmen e'en said The letters they biou^ht him by every mail Were sufficient to try e'en the back of a whale. The stamps that he got from the tyros in I'acing, Who thought his tips chances well worthy embracing, Came in by the dozen, accomp'nied by those Bits of paper all like, which we call P.O.O.'s. But, in spite of all this, and these prosperous days, Wel-cher-nee seemed no better off, by his ways; For, though smoking and drinking the deuce of a lot, The ghost of a farthing he never had got ; From which I premise. In spite of his liesi. That he had some big drag or some family ties. Whose mouths, if not stopped by a sop of some tin, W^ould talk, and would thus to annoy him begin ; So that even the money he made by his pro- phecies, Out of the idiots whom he gave the " oflices," Melted away in a stranpe kind of manner. And often the Prophet had scarcely a tanner. ;ic * * * The sun long had set Eie the Prophet had met, That eve, the delightfully fair Hei^riette, WORTHY A CROWN ? 39 Who offered him (after the visual evasion Of girls iu sucli cases), through lots of persuasion, That he should be blessed by her haucl, could he prove In riches fat Henri he was but above. In which case she promised her hand, and her love. Three weeks he was given ; he vowed he'd succeed; So at once to his task he proceeded with speed. " My first stej)," said he, " Most surely should be To ruin this fat cook, who so worries me. Thea, when she finds out that he liasti't a cent, To give him the sack she will be quite content, Although for her first love she might p'lhaps repine, There's no doubt but that nnto me she'll incline. And crown by our union my cherished design." I oug'»t to have said, That Henui he'd led Long ere this into betting, but never had "bled," For reasons like those which now ran in his head. On the other hand, he Caused our Frencli friend to be A winner — although in a small way — of three Or mayhap of four hundred francs, which our cook Great care not to spend a sous certainly took. He was oiot then surprised When Wel-ciier-nee advised. That, if he the thought of a fortune e'er prized, He would take his advice, and the chances embrace Of winning a hatful upon the next race ! But the Prophet vowed, tell him the winner he'd not. If he wouldn't agree to stake all that he'd got In the world on the issue, in fact, the whole lot. Henri's avarice great was too much for his fear, — He paused for a moment, as though not quite clear As to his bona fides who tempted him here. But greed was too much for his prudence at last. And, dazzled, his caution far from him was cast ; For, thinking Wel-cher-nee a fool, he ne'er gave A thought that a plot might lurk under the suave And the affable way that he found him behave. So, after reflecting some hours, he went To Wel-cher-nee, and said : " Yes, mon cher, I consent." Wel-cher-nee's delight Was wonderful quite ; To smother his joy he'd to use all his might, Which might stop the fish, ere he'd yet made his bite. So he put on an aspect of pure unconcern, Eemarking that thus he a fortune could earn. He inquired the amount He could turn to account To gain golden blessings from Sport's gen'rous fount ; And when Henri told him, of tin, what he'd got of it, Advised him at once to invest the whole lot of it. While Henri, deooyed by the passion of gain, No longer himself or his greed could restrain ; But, trusting Wel-cher-nee, resolved to invest On the hoise that the Prophet had said was the best That ever left stable, or ever won race, In fact, was unequalled for speed, and for grace. Whose victory was certain as death, or the taxes, Or this world revolves but upon its own axis. Though, I may hint to you. No horse you e'er knew Was equal to this as an arrant old sci*ew. It had seemingly just as much chance as an ass, In the Derby, the winning-post foreuiost to pass. Buc Henri was blind To all faults of this kind. And got very long odds, and took all he could find, Till he'd laid oixt the whole of his property small On the horse that the Prophet called king of them all! The great Prophet chuckled with mirth, and with glee, For he thought that his rival a gone coon would be, — A thought that was certainly pleasure to he ! And he laid out his tin on the favourite crack, A horse from the first he continued to back. Which he sent his subscribers, with one or two more That in betting were quoted each day to the "fore;' Then having despatched a large parcel of " tissue," And having a drink, calmly waited the issue ! * * * * 'Twas evening nearly upon the Parade, Miss Henri ette all of her beauties displayed, And this was the day when the wonderful race On which so much hung, was arranged to take place. Beside Henriette the two rivals were walking, And earnestly to her the couple were talking, On Wel-cher-nee's face A smile you could trace, As he thought of his rival's approaching disgrace. 40 WORTHY A CROWN ? And IIenbi looked glmn, For clrtrk lumovirs li;ul come To his cars of the Trophet, tluit worried him ♦'some." As for til at pet, The loved Hknrikttf, "With both she was fully content to coquette. For she knew she was safe let whoever might win, Of gaining a husband with plenty of tin ! * * * * The daylight was Avaning, o'er ocean and all The deep pur[)le shadows began fast to fall ; When, hark ! came a sound of a hurrying crowd, Who jostled each other, and talked very loud, And both of the suitors exclaimed, witl\ a face Flushed with hea*-, " That no doubt's the result of the race !" Henri's off like a shot, But Wel-cher-nee did not But Itisurely move from the girl, or the spot. He confident seemed, Himself safe he deemed ; That aught could go wrong, why he never e'en dreamed ; But relied in full trust on the Avay he had schemed. Then, judge his surprise, — How he opened his eyes, — When he notes a fat form that to both of them flie.^ It is Henri, the cook ; On his face is a look Of triumph intense, in his hand, too, a book ; And he cannot e'en speak, and he cannot e'en cry For a moment or two, but he pipeth his eye As people oft do when their passions decoy, And cause them, as bards say, " To weep for pure joy." At last he discovers a smile-laden face. And he folds poor Wel-cher-nee in close embrace, As be cries, " i/y horse, Monsieur, has von the race /" Wel-cher-nee said nought as he turned with a glare, And frothed at the mouth with deep rage and despair, And hate unto both of that amorous pair. He gave a deep frown. Then he tumbled down Full smash on the top of his bald old crown. The shock was too great, For his wretched old pate ; He went " clean off his nut," so the bystanders .state. And from that day his manner v,'as notably strange, — In fact, as his pals said, " he vmntedhis change !" And into an idiot he turned from that day. Whose aim was with children at horses to [day, A nd babble of " swindles " in such an odd way, — It was painful to hear him I've often heard say. And all London was flooded with grief and dis- may, When they heard how Wel-cher-nee no longer would prey On Society's fools in a 'cute kind of way. As for Henriette fair And her Henri, the pair Were united next week by the priest or the maire, I'm really not certain, I'm bound to declare. And Henri was happy the first day or two ; But he soon found his wife was a bit of a shrew. Her tongue was most long, but her temper was short. And she oft did the things that no wife ever ought ; And his life was a rais'ry — so much so indeed, He often regretted he e'er did succeed In robbing Wel cher nee, the Prophet of lies, Of such a hot-tempered connubial prize. Henriette called her husband a fool, and a dolt. And one raorUjUg he found that she'd thought fit to bolt With a gendarme, whose whiskers, and dignified air Had induced Henriette all his fortunes to share. So from Henri the lady was off like a flash, First taking good care to secure all the cash. With which for S'^me months did thje pair cut a dash. The 2)air cut a dash ; while, 'tis worthy of note, The sole thing that Henri cut was his oiifn throat. Which gave rise among the young maidens, and sparks. To lots of uncommonly cutting remarks. This winds up the tale, in a very sad tone, Of the end of the Prophet of Sport ia Boulogne ! WORTHY A CROWN ? 41 There was a great divergence of opinion as to the merit of the foregoing story. The Melancholy Bash naturally pooh-poohed it, and said that, for his part, he could see little to interest the auditor, for there was nothing in the shape of a chorus, without which nought can be of interest to the public. The remainder of the suite of the Prince expressed tkeir general approval of the poem, but a tolerable filly; and, as to dropping his coin, a Welcher's too used to that kiud of thing, for it to affect him in any particular way." Prince Ted dee said nothing, but he thought a great deal ; and, as a token of his Royal appioba- tion, ere Laila retired, he presented her with a rare ring of value from off his own finger, which was dear to him in a double sense. The latter expression is used advisedly, the ring being part objected to the effect produced by the failure of Wel-cher-nee's plans upon his mind, which they thought was rather absurd, inasmuch ap Coach- INGTON said : — " No fella would be such a con- summate ass as to go off his head, because he'd lost the chance of running in double harness with of the proceeds of one of the Prince's " kites,' which had been cashed by an Eminent West End Vampire. * * * * The Royal Progress continued. Through cities, and villages, o'er mountains, and 42 WORTHY A CKOWN? plains, across rivers, and lakes, went the Ilcir of Bnll-laiicl. lie made many f^pt'echey, gave many patent tire engines — cheap and Jiasty, and couse- cpiently of no use when wanted ; whole van-loads of mangles, which the native Princesses did not in the least understand, and wouldn't work when they did ; any amount of Ger^nan toys, for the children of his hn.st-s to play with ; and a cheap assortment of snuff- boxes, and tobacco-pouches for the more eldeily of his entertainers. The Prince's passion for Imila had by no means diminished ; on the contrary, it had in- creased to fuver heat, but the Minstrel still repelled and scorned every advance. Indeed, had not the Prince preserved a studiously re- spectful mien towards his beautiful feminine Trouliadour, he well knew that she quickly would resent the noa-fulfilment of his promise, and leave him at once. These reasons restrained him effectually from any ebullition of feeling, which, however, he could not keep under altogether. It was noticed that his Royal Highness, at any time no contemptible Bacchanalian, vrent in for the pleasures of the Wine cup more than ever. He drank deep, and, what's more, induced the suite to do so, who of course followed the Royal example. Not that they wanted great inducement, for they were i)artial to their liquor to a man, and t0')k it freely — some said too freely ; but that was their own business, whatever scandal might think proper to assert. The Prince was inundated with correspondence from Bull-laud ; but there was little of moment in it. Things seemed to be going on in the same jog-trot way. The Queen was, of course, at Malboral, where the retainers had been feasted right royally by the Imperial owner of the Castle. The p ipers were full of the domestics' festivi- ties. In one Prince Ted-dee read a description of his Royal mother's dress upon one joyous occasion. Although mourning was not altogether dis[)ensed with. Her Majesty made slight con- cessions towai'ds the gaiety of the siirroundings, and wore some magnificent jewellery, while her hair was tastefully ornamented by a gilhj-flower, a blossom that flourishes in the region of Malboral, and for which the Queen evinced great partiality. Letters he continued to receive from Her Majesty ; but, being fully aware of their general tpuor, he seldom took the trouble of opening them, bestowing them on the Melaiicholy Bash, who carefully burned the substance of each epistle, but preserved the Royal autograph, which he sold to collectors at a moderate price. The Prince had now been near upon his allotted time in Indigo, and was burning with impatience to return to the delights of Bull-land's metropolis. He was tired of sight-seeing. It became posi- tively odious to him. As for dining in public, dancing in public, drinking in public, and, above all, s|)eaking in public, to a lot of people the niiijority of whom he couldn't understand, and who couldn't understand him, he expressed his opinion of it as being " i-ather worse than a third- rate pantomime at an East-end house." For the Prince was a regular theatrical man, and a learned critic in pieces. Both before, and behind the scenes, he was an acknowledged judge of what is good in the Thespian art, and also con- sidered a highly respectable authority on the sul ject of legs. But we are digressing. An important event happened at this time to the Prince Ted-dee, which had an astounding eft'ect upon hi safter-life, and rendered him more than ever a debtor to the lovely Laila. It was after a more than ordinarily fatiguing day, when the Prince Ted-dee was utterly ex- hausted with the severe work of his high position, entailing upon him gorging to an extreme excess, and venting a particular quantity of bosh, that the Melancholy Bash, to cheer the spirits of His Royal Highness, suggested that the private troupe of Nautch Girls who accompanied the Royal party, should disport themselves before him, to divert his Princely mind from its load of care and anxieties. Accordingly, a beauteous bevy of dark-haired nymphs went through their erratic evolutions before His Royal Highness. Although their performance was by no means equal either in abandon, or vigour, to those of the Can-can performers in his own native land, the Prince Ted dee, who was always an admiier of the " light fantastic," more especially this parti- cular branch of it, was rather amused by the performance. One of the Indigoan young ladies betrayed an activity, and grace, that aroused the Prince from his lethargy; and, at the close of the dance, when the fair beauties were retjiring, he recalled the one in question, and bade her drink the reno- vating cnp of Fizz which restores the most lan- guid of revelleis ! ir^eeing that she was bashful, and did not like imbiliing before so numerous an assemblage. His Koyal Highness bade them leave him alone with the corypliee who had so interested liim. In a moment the room was clear, though some of the suite gave vent to remarks very much at variance with the opinion they ordinarily expressed of the WORTHY A CROWN? 43 well-known virtuous temperament of His Royal Highness. lu order to place her at ease, and a ssure her that she need not be alarmed, though even within so mighty a presence, the Prince seated himself by her side, and, taking one hand in a fatherly, nay even affectionate manner, was about to give her some paternal advice, and arrange for her retirement from so questionable an occupation as that in which she was engaged, when the door suddenly opened, and Laila, with an air of the most severe reproach, stood before the astonished pair. With a hangtity gesture she pointed out the door to the terrified dancer, who fled before the wrathful glance of the beau- teous Minstrel. The Prince looked ashamedof himself, although as we are in the secret of his good intentions, we cannot see why he did so. For a moment Vioth were silent. Then Laila taking up her Joo'sarp, said, "Will your High- ness permit me to point out in song, tlic pt;ril« into which an unguarded moment may load a young, and ardent temperament ?" The Prince bowed assent, with a somewhat sheepish air, and the Troubadour dashed into the affecting episode of " Society and the Colonel." ®3^Sg|P^ 4i WORTHY A CROWN ? SOCIETY AND THE COLONEL. One morn a Colonel left the gate Of Horsemongeria, desolate, And, as he listened to the cliafF That greeted him upon his going, He thought it was too bad, by halF. And anger, tno, was nearly showing, — And sighed to think of the disgrace It was to him to leave that place. " How happy," lemarked this wai-rior there, " Ave those luckier swells who know no care, Who, if rather ardent like me, ne'er fall Into making too free with young ladies fair, With beautiful eyes, and with beautiful haii', But to get locked up for it after all. Though sweet are the pleasures of having a spree — Uf flirting, of love, and of Soda and B ; Though pleasant are all of Dax Cupid's arts, Yet the pace gets too fast For long thus to last. And one ought not to trifle with female's hearts ; But she had no mamma, And I went on too far, lu the raihvay ti-ain, with my lar de dar. But misfortx^ne's cup It caused me to sup ; For the end of it was, she lock'd me up. 'Twas said by fast men Of the Upper Ten, To send me to jail was a deuce of a shame ; While those who were low Were loud in their woe That I didn't get more than a shocking bad name, And twelve months' seclusion from riot and revelry, Wine, wit, and women, and general devilry, And also deprived of my rank as a Colonel (The last was a punishment really infernal). A t the twel ve months in prison I did not much blench, — 'Twas by no means much worse than the old Queen's Bench, — And I'd plenty of liquor, and novels in French ; And I sawall my friends from the morn to the night, And the days speeded on with a swallow-like flight. My dear old pal. Bet, was a regular brick, To let me get off from hard labour slick ; But I felt rather wretched, and awfully queer. Till I saw that he didn't seem very severe, Though he looked upon me with a face most austere. But still I've been jolly the time I've been here ! It was certainly quiet, but the rent wasn't dear, And over the way they sold capital beer ! " There's one thing alone that worries my mind : Society now has quite cut me, I find, And wont be at all to frivolity blind. 'Tis shocking to think of; it fills me with woe No more to be seen in the Club or the * Row ;* To be a Pariah in Bond-street, where I Was courted and prized in the time now gone by ; To be exiled from parties, from croquet, from balls. Debarred from the pleasure of nice morning calls, And all because once, in a moment of passion, I ruined myself in a most absurd fashion, — Indeed, proved that I was a regular rash'un. " But now it's all vanished, and / nevermore Shall shine in Society swell as of yore ; Which certainly is a most terrible bore !" An old-time friend, who saw him wailing, Kinder than most to his friend's failing, Drew near, and, as to him he listened, A tear within his optic glistened. And, falling down upon his nose. Like some bright diamond graced its end, As gulping down his thought of woes, He thus addressed his ancient friend : — " Swell of a fair but erring line," — Gently he said — " one hope is thine ! 'Tis written in the Book of Fate, That he may yet forgiveness see ; Who brings that gift, that's, let me state, The most prized by Society ! Go, seek it, and redeem thy sin, — 'Tis sweet to let the pardon'd in." But whither shall the Colonel go To seek this boon ? He doth not know ! — While thus he mused his ^yes with pride. Fell on a yellow Bradshaw's Guide. " Ha ! ha I" said he, " a happy thcught, — I'll hie me to some foreign Court, And place my sword, with faith complete, At some rich foreign monarch's feet. — Those potentates, whose time's employed In beating rebels who've annoyed Their peace of mind, who always pay For Britons' help in a proper way. Thus, thus I'll gain another name, Begild my somewhat tarnished fame. WORTHY A CROWN ? 45 And win again the former place I held within Belgravia's race ; For reputation seems to me, The best gift for society !" No sooner said, than off he flew Unto the King of Timbuctoo. That dusky monarch hailed with joy The advent of that beamish boy ; And as a proof of gratitude, For his behaviour in the feud. He was appointed Gen'ral Chief, Much to the other Gen'ral's grief; And, having reap'd a goodly crop Of goodly wares from honoiir's shop, Returned to London, hoping he Might once more gain Society. For, just then, he was fierce at war With King BuMBELLO of Nypore. The gallant Colonel slashed, and hashed, The dusky foe, whom soon he smashed ; BuMBELLO had to quite cave in, Which made the Timbuctooan grin, Alas ! his was a hopeless aim ! Despite his long high-sounrling name, And all the pomp, and ciicnmstance, Of dress that martial fame enhance, He met with ill success in what His heart was fix'd with ardour hot. 46 WORTHY A CROWN? *' Sweet," said his swell fi-iencl, as he gave The papers iu his honest-hmid, — " Sweet is our welcoiii' of tlie brave, Who figlit within a distant land. And p;atlier honours ; hub, you see, 'Tis scaicc enough to let you be llf'stored to good society ! J g' icve to say, as yet in vain Is all you've done; but, try again — • Than rank or reputation liigh, To please the God of Fashion's eyo, You must present some richer gift, Ere you may hope your eyes to lift, Again within the sacred I'insr, Where Upper Tendom has its fling." Tis said ; he leaves him to his aims. This persecuted squire of dames. Alas ! his heart is liot, and weary. He looks like folks who have been beerv Tlie night before — whose hearts are d'.Ul, With pains intense within their sktiU. " What can I do," quoth he, "to wiij My place once more swell folks within ? What can I do once more to be Caress'd by that society, That scorns me now with mild contempt, As one who is from hope exempt? Ah ! happy thought ! a feat I'll do From which some good may p'rhaps accrue I have it now ! Like Captain Webb, I'll take the tide before its ebb : A famous swim I'll also try. And conquer or — I'll pipe my eye ! To Lambeth Baths he straight repairs, And to take lessons he prepares. And all day long within the Bath He paddles, scornful of the wrath Of the attendants, damp, aud grim, Who get fatigued of such as swim Within their swimming bath all day, But not one farthing more will pay. At last he thinks it time that he Should leave the Bath and seek the sea, Wherein he purposes to float From Bull-land's coast, without a coat. Unto the Gallic shore, in flannel, — In fact, to cro.*s the dangerous Channel, Like wondrous Webb, most brave of men, AViioee act of bravery Fame will pen. As long as Courage praise shall crown With well deserved and bright renown ! The Colonel, with much care and toil. Rubbed himself well with herring oil. Drank half a keg of brandy neat, Some Bass's beer, ate pounds of meat; Then, feeling armed against the worst, Or feeling he was like to burst. From off the pier he jurat)cd with glee Into the deep, and briny sea. He swam and swam quite lion-hearted, Nor from his purpose once departed ; But what filled him with deepest grief. And almost is beyond belief. He found himself just where he started. Although twelve hours had run away Since he commenced his swim that day. They fished him out in sorry plight, — In fact, he was exhausted quite, — But, still, he hoped the trial might serve To dub him as a man of nerve. In whom patricians would believe. And gladly in their homes receive. But all iu vain ; and, what was hard, Instead of meeting a reward, He but got chaffed all over town. About the way he near went down,-^ In fact, despite his risk of limb And life within that dreadful swim. Folks only laughed and said that he. Though a good soldier, couldn't be Equally clever on the sea ; Fi'om which 'twas very plain to see. He'd not won back Society. * * * » For months, and years he pondered o'er His plan to gain his place once more; And many ways he tried, but all Were fated to the ground to fall. Society began to lose The mem'ry of his fatal cru'se ; But, though that mishap was forgot, His naughty escapade was not. At last a happy scheme he planned. That ought, he thought, success command ; A light broke in upon his mind, Said he, " Society is blind To gravest faidts of human kind. If but those who commit them hold A well-filled purse of glittering gold; Sociiity is ne'er severe If riches but endow us here. So let me now at once begin This sov'i'eign remedy to win — This wealth that is the golden key To any good society ; Once won, I soon shall have again The place I long have sought in vain." * * 4S- * Ten weary years had fled with speed. Since that brave Colonel did the deed. WORTHY A CROWN ? 47 For which he had to suffer so In Horsemongeiia, we know, When, all at once, upon the scene rie came with proud, and haughty mien, And sought the circles where he'd been Once foremost as a welcome guest, And ever to perfection dressed. And quickly flies the rumour round That he has an old heiress found — A million-pounder — rather ok), But simply full of notes and gold ; A foreign lady, thej" say true, And one who is of ebon hue; But what if she be white or black, If but she's money at her back 1 For see, Society is gl^d, Indeed, with eagerness half-mad, To welcome back the prodigal To Piccadilly, and Pall Mall ; For what for faults can it now care, Consid'ring he's a millionaire 1 Of even crimes it little recks. Thinking of how he can write cheques Of large amounts with simple ease, And's fond of hospitalities Extensive, where Socit^ty Can always feast and feted be ! His bank-book holding in his hand. At Fashion's gate he takes his stand ; And, as it opes, and lets him through, The long-lost Aidkn comes in view, And, with a bright ecstatic face. Amid the throng he takt>s his place. " Joy, joy, for ever ! My task is done. The gates ai'e passed. Society's won ; Oh, am I not ha{)py ? I am, I am ! To thee. Society, all gives way ; To-night unto all will I stand Sam, For I feel as a Can-can dancer — gay 1 Farewell, ye snobs, with whom long I Have dwelt in wretched obscurity, INIy feast will now be with drimes, and men, Of the highest class in the Tipper Ten ; Farewell, ye sprees of a v;mished time, When I drank so much as to pass belief; Henceforth a respectable party I'm, And never again I'll come to grief! Joy, joy, for ever ! My task is done, I've got some cash, and Society's won !" 43 WORTHY A CROWN? Til is narration had the desired effect of making the Prince feci heartily ashamed of himself; and his downcast looks, and humbled manner, ■wcie the best guarantees of the improvement that had taken place in his morals. lie also seemed familiar with the fame of the chief actor in the legend, saying that a parallel case had recently come under his notice in hi-i own country. Having regally rewarded the fair Troubadour, he di'^missed her to her apartments ; and, ou the suite being again summoned to his presence, they could see a decided change iu the manner, and speech of their Royal master. Instead of the flippant, and somewhat dcbownaire deportment usiudly affected by the Frince Ted-dee, it was replaced by a very uncommon gravity of mien, most foreign to the Princely style. When the bedroom candlesticks vvere brought in, he was heard to ask the Chamberlain for a basin of water-gruel and if he could procure him a copy of " Blair's Sermons," or any other pious work, edifying to the morals. On the Melancholy Bash stating, with some surprise, that he regretted to say that they had nothing of the kind on the premises — the most moral work among the suite being " Ruff's Turf Guide, or the Racing Calendar" — the Prince was observed to weep sadly, and at once retired to his bed- room, totally regardless of the slightly veiled disgust, and wonderment of h?s retinue. * * * * It was midnight ! The Prince was soundly asleep in his chamber, when he was rudely awakened by the ever faith- ful Gen-kyns, who, in a low tone, hurriedly entreated His Royal Highness to drens himself, as matters of the gravest urgency demanded his immediate attention. With a half-muttered oath, which, in view of his late conversion, he changed into a pious ejaculation, having reference to that celebrated scriptural performer who piped before Moses, the Prince Ted-dee hastily attired himself, and, having kicked Gen-kyns over the room, bade him tell the nature of the business that had led to so unwarrantable an intrusion. Without going into details, Gen-kyns, with a motion of his hand impressing caution on his hearer, begged his Royal Highness to follow him into the adjacent apartment. His Royal Highness, seeing the gravity of the situation, at once complied. On entering the room, he saw a ghostly figure in a burnous at the other end of the room. On approaching it he found, to his intense astonish- ment — and, we regret to say, delight — that it was Laila. The old man was still strong within the Royal temperament ; and, thinking it was a favour from the lady he so admired, the Prince strode forward, but Laila instantly drew back, while the agitated face that she wore denoted some cause very diffe- rent from that which the Prince at first thought was the motive for her presence. " What brings you here, Laila 1" said His Royal Highness. " To warn you that you're standing on the brink of a precipice — that you are in danger of losing your Crown in the future ; nay more, your liberty, ^unless you at once follow my advice !" The Prince was now thoroughly alive to the critical position in which he stood, while Lail\. briefly, but clearly divulged to him, that, through sources of information, whose genuineness he could not doubt, she had learned that John- nee, in Bull-land, had just raised a revolt against the Royal authority, assisted by a large section of the masses of the people whom he had incited to rebel. The Queen, and he having quarrelled, on his having endeavoured to force the Royal Lady into some act which even she would not assent to, John-nee at once appeared in his true character of rebellious subject. Aided by the disaffected portion of the people, and those who are ever ready to act in opposition to the consti- tuted authorities, the rebellion had assumed a dangerous aspect. Not only this, but Laila had overheard a plot against the person of the Prince, and urged his immediate flight thete, and then; pointing out that his speedy presence on the scene could alone put an end to the flame of insurrection, burning brightly over Bull-land. Willi a voice quivering with excitement, and gratitude. Prince Ted-dee hurriedly thanked the girl, and — on being told that every arrangement had been made for his flight at that instant — only waited to acquaint the ducal Tothefland, whom he bade accompany him, and, in a few minutes more, the party were well on their way to Bull- land. * * * * Two months after this, the oceanic steamer Idalia conveyed, among other passengers, a tall, gaunt man who evidently dreaded the observation of his fellow voyagers, as he kept below till the vessel was fairly at sea. This was no other than John-nee, who was flying from Bull-land in terror of his life. His plans had disastrously failed. His friends had collapsed, and left him utterly alone, and he had WORTHY A CROWN ? 49 ignomiuiously been beaten in every way by the Koyal forces, whom the unexpected retiu*n of the Royal Heir had exhilarated, and strengthened. For, ill an incredil>ly short space of time he had reached home, and at once placed himself at the helm, betraying a d guity, statesmanship, and courage in the field that proved him (when necessary to be so) every incli a Koyal Hd'O. At the celebrated Battle of Gillycrankie, John-nee, and his rebellious forces were com- pletely defeated, and crushed, by the Royal troops, whose ardour, and loyalty had been heightened bj' a promise of a munificent grant of one farthing per diem, and a flannel waist- 00 it, for each noble warrior in the event of tlie Prince being successful. In addition to this stupendous liberality, a Royal edict was promulgated, making it a c;ipital ofilenc;! for any policeman to be found within the sflo ed prt^cincts of all the kiichens in Bull land. This gave great delight to the gallant fellows, — in fact, inspired them with such courage that the lesult of the day was never in doubt. As JouN NEE, mounted on a Shetland pony, hurriedly took his flight in disguise from the Bcene of carnage, be heard his Koyal Highness and the army indulging in a paean of victory, which ran thus : — (Air — " There's another good man gone wrong !") We've fought like Trojans all the day, Against the rebels picked ; And John-nee we've knocked into smash, — In fact, completely licked. In Beer and Beauty we'll indulge, — Fit crowns for valour strong, — For, as to John-nee, all will own There's another good man gone wrong ! CHORUS. There's another good man gone wrong ! There's another good man gone wrong ! He's got it hot. And gone to pot, — Oh ! there's another good man gone wrong ! While, in allusion to the universal love borne to the Prince Ted-pee, the united forces burst into a roar of delight as they warbled in unison to a popular chan)e bleak wind whistling through the door, The sickly child of want and care Hearing the mirth it cannot share. The hapless mother, wretched sire. The empty cupboard, scanty fire, The pangs of hunger— crime's best friend 1 The oath at times that will not mend, The shadow gaunt of Death — grim guest, Yet not unwelcome, bringing rest ; — This is, amid a city's roar. What Cliriatmas means unto the poor ! But what should Christmas teach to all, Whom men and women brethren call ? By Christmas we should understand The kindlier heart, the freer hand, The purer^ broader road of life That lead to love, and not to strife ! The charity that leaves to God Who shall or shall not kiss the rod ; The golfrleu rule to all and each That acts the good it tries to preach ; The faith in Him, for all who died And brought the bhssed Cbriatmaetide, O'er others' sins who threw the pall ; — : Oh, this should Christmas teach to all ! t O. A. ALVEKTISEMENTS. St |{ojra{ ftlftM Itittnt. 1875. INVALUABLE TO HOUSEHOLDERS! THE PATENT CINDER-SAVER. {Acknowledged on all hands to be the most useful Invention of the age.) The chief advantages of this iuvention ia its combinatiou of ECONOMY AND OLEANLTISrESS. for it is 80 arranged as to suit the immediate convenience of all who are desirous of effecting a saving in the cost of Fuel, an advantage that will be universally admitted as invaluable at a season of the year when Fuel can only be obtained at a fabulous price. The PATENT CINDER SAVER is so constructed and adorned as to be alike suitable for use in tie drawing-room as in the kitchen, in the parlonr as in the nursery. It is on a self-acting principle, and separates the cinders from the ashes as they fall from the fire, thereby , removing the necessity of sifiing, so that the great loss of cinder is obviated, am) the ashes being received in a box, can be removed at pleasure, without causing the clouds of dust that rise from a i-iniilar operati °n in couuectiou with the common sifter. By its use sifting is dispensed with, .-ind a clean fireplace always eusuied. ANTI-INCRUSTING FOREIGfy H cofiiiposmofy, FOR PREVENTING AND REMOVING INCRUSTATION IN STEAM BOILERS, And the only Composition that will Prevent Priming. ADAPTED EITHER FOR MARINE, STATIONARY, OR LOCOMOTIVE, HOWEVER INTRICATE. The FOflEIGN HERB COiMPOSITION for Steam Boilers has obtained the notoriety of removing Incrustation, however thick, and any further accumulation, without injury to the Iron whatever, it beino' perfectly free from all pernicious matter. The many misfortunes constantly occurring from Boilers becoming foul, through incrustation, the grei loss of time caused thereby in cleaning and chipping, the ^reat wear and tear in Boilers, especially Tubular Boiler.-*t from this cause, independent of the extra comsumption of Fuel, proves that anything that can remove, incrustation, must be a great source of economy to all users of Steam Power. The use of the FOREIGN HERB COMPOSITION in accordance with the Directions given will entirely prevent all the above annoyances ; and the fact of this Composition preventing priming, toirether with its other capabilities, render it superior to all others in use. It is adapted for either Fresh or Salt Wator, and is particularly essential for Marine Boilers, as it will neutralise Sea Salt, and keep the Boiler, Steam Cocks, and Gauge Glasses always clear. ONE TRIA L WILL PROVE ITS SUP ERIORITY. Price 70s. per Cwt. CHARLES GEO. POUPARD, Patentee & Manufacturer, 1, EASTERN ROAD, WEST HAM, STRATFORD, LONDON, E. And ofLUBRICATIHB OILS, COTTON-WASTE, TALLOW, dc. iPTil Pi-.ii Tf'jTH^imui'i. 54 ADVERTISEMENTS. TESTIMONIA^LS. MR. C. G. POUPARD, City Flour Mills, Upper Thames-street, London, Dec. 2nd, 1869. In reply to yours respectinj? the IJkrb Composition, we have much pleasure in informing you that we find it answer the intended purpose far better than anything wo have tried, and since using it, our boilers are much cleaner than we have ever before seen thom ; we foel that it only requires trying to be appreciated and are confident it will prove a great success, by supplying a remedy so long and anxiously wished. Yours truly, J. & J. HADLEY. India Rubber Works, Guildford-etreet, Lambeth, July 30th, 1800. Mr. C. G. Poupakd, Dear Sir, — Respecting your CoMrosmoN, I find it quite up to your .stntemont of its propertie.'--, and as I can perceive no injurious action on the Iron of our Boiler, I .shall continue to use it, as 1 find it the best I have yet tried. \V. BEIJ,. Ca.ssell, Patter, and Galpin, Printers and Publishers, Ludgate-hill, C/'ity. llK.iR Sir,— The use of your Comi'ohition prevents incrus- tation and dissolves the deposit exi.sting in the Boiler. Yours truly, F. WILSON. Winchester Wharf, Banksido, London. Mr. C. G. Poupard, We fully approve of your Composition for the removal of incrustation ou Steam Boilers. Yours truly, EDWARD GRIPPER & CO, Yorkshire Publishing Co., Otley, York, Mr. Pcppard, April 2'9th, 1869. Dear Sir, — In answer to yours respecting the Boiler Com- position, I have tried it, and found it far superior to any I have yet used ; the last time the Boiler was looked into wo found it had cleared off all incrustation. Our water here is very hard, from a limestone gravel. I am, yours respectfully, SAMUEL TAYLOR. General Label Printers, Glasshouso-yard, Aldersgate-street, E.C. Dear Sir, — Your Composition answers every purpose for what it is intended. Please send us double the quantity of last and oblige. FELL & BRIANT. Savoy Steam Feather Works, Savoy-street, Strand, London, W.C., May 31st, 1870. Mr. C. O. Pouparp, Dear Sir,— \Ve have tried your Composition and are per- fectly satisfied with its results, wo have also tested it and find it free from Alkali. We are, yours truly, RALPH GARTH & CO. Oil and Drug Mills, Great Sutton-street, E.C, London, January 4th, 1871. Mr. C. G. Poupakd, Dear Sir, — Wo have now u.sed your Boiler Composition (,. I some months, and find it much the best we have tried. We are, Sir, yours faithfully, FERRIS & WILLIAMS. 5 and 6, Ivy-lane, Paternoster-row, London, E.C, January 14th, 1870. Mr. C G. Poupard, Dear Sir,— We have the pleasure to state that having used your Composition for upwards of three months, we have proved it to be of great value in preventing incrustation in our Boiler and will be happy to recommend its use. SMITH BROTHERS. Steam Biscuit Manufactory, Fratton, Portsmouth. Dear Sir, — Your Patent Herb Compo8ITION I have tried for thres months, and it has given every satisfaction, will recommend it highly. Yours truly, W. GUNNELL & CO. 12, Ordnancerow, Portsea. This is to certify that I have used your Patent Herb CojiPOSiTlON for re:iioving incrustation from Boilers, and am atisfied with it5 effectiveness. H. M. EMANUEL. Mineral Water Manufacturer, Burdett-road, Limebouse. Mr. Poupard, Dear Sir, — I have tried your Composition, and find it far better than what I have been using ; I shall have much pleasure in recommending it to my friends. Yours truly, T. B. LAWS. Sawing and Planinj Mills, Brunswick-street, Blackriars, Mr. Poupard, Nov. Ist, 1869. I have tried your Herb Composition in one of my Boilers, and find it prevents incrustation, a fine light dust which could be .scraped and swept out was found in the Boiler after using it for two months. ALFRED H. HAGGIS. Phoenix Sugar WorLs, Stewart's-lane Battersea, Mr. C G. PouPAiiD, Sept. 16th, 1874. Sir, — We have much pleasure in testifying to the great value of your material for preventing the incrustation of Steam Boilers, which has saved us in the past year several weeks' stoppage, and much expense, besides the loss of business. It is perfectly effective for tho purpose you supply it. I shall be happy to recommend it personally on any occasion. I am, yours faithfully, RICHARD WRIGHT, P. P. ROSS GILLMAN. Oil and Cake Mills, 25 to 31, Rugby-street, Liverpool, Nov. 11th, 1869. Dear Sir,— We find your Herb Composition effectually prevents incrustation, and are perfectly satisfied with it. Yours respectfully, E. R. BROADBENT, Pro H. & J. WALLACE. Williams and Sons, Builders, Thornhill-square, Islington, London, Sept. 26, 1870. Mr. C. G. Poupard, Dear Sir, — This is to certify that I have tried your Com- position, and I am pleased to say that it surpassed my greatest anticipations. Yours truly, J, HORTON, Engineer- Engineers, &c., 7, Portland-street, W ardour-street, Soho, London, Dec. 3ist., 1870. Sir, — We have tried the Composition for our Boiler, sup. plied to us by Mr. C G. Poupard, and in every respect it gives us great satisfaction. WEBB BROTHERS. London Journal Office, Brixton-hill, Jan. 10th, 1871. Sir, - We have used your Composition now for twelve months, and find it to answer better than any we have used before, we have never had our Boiler Prime since we have used it. I am, yours respectfully, J. SHELTON, Engineer. Saw Mills, Engineers, &c., Oakley Works, King's-road, Chelsea, 31st May, 1872. Mr. C. G. Poupard, We have tried your Boiler COMPOSITION, and never found any to satisfy us before. Pro S. WORSSAN & CO., F, Wokssan. City Mercantile Steam Printing Office, 3, White-hart-court, Bishopsgate, 15th May, 1871. Mr. C. G. Poupard, Sir, — Having used your Composition for Boilers, and finding the result perfectly satisfactory, I shall have pleasure in recommending it. Yours respectfully, F. FELLOWS, Manager. Caledonian Steam Towing Co., Orchard-place, Blackwall, 7th May, 1872. Dear Sir, — I have much pleasure in informing you that the Herb Composition supplied by you for our Steam Tug Boilers, is far superior to any I have ever tried, and can recom- mend it for Marme Boilers. J. JENNINGS. .... . FLOTSAM AND OETSAM. 55 FROM DEATH-LIFE! The darkness of his cynic mind Was lighted up ; A TALE OF THE GREAT PLAQUE. He saw man was for man designed. And that, though all are weak and blind. And Sorrow sup. A WORLDLY man of sceptic soul, Yet none need lack a helpful ray His heart his throne, Of God's own light From whence he railed out on the whole Who through Life's desert take their way Of Life, and all its bitter dole, In peace with brethren poor of clay. Lived quite alone. And love the right: For him no sun e'er shone, nor blue He saw this worldly pilgrimage Looked heaven's skies ; Is not the end ; The spell of beauty he ne'er knew. Learned that the fool might teach the sage, But scoffed the good, laughed down the true. And that from this mere eailhly cage And deemed him wise ! On high we wend ; And thus unloving, and abhorred, Learned that the richest gems of earth He took his way. High in the world with which he warred, Are gracious thoughts, And that a peasant might give birth To e'en as true, and noble worth As dwells in Courts ! Eich in an ever-growing hoard ; — Years found him grey. ■^ JK. -^ -ifm ^ And then a horror most profound TT yr 7r n" TT On him there fell ; The Pkgue fell fierce upon the land, He saw that child with glory crowned. And struck him down ; And knew his wisdom had but bound All fled that fatal city banned. His lot for hell ; Nor even one could wealth command To soothe Fate's frown ! Then, in his agony of thought. His heart grew great ; While he had jested at a corse, And from his new-found God he sought Borne sadly by — Forgiveness for the ills he'd wreught. Without a feeling of remorse — And gentler fate. Fell on him, in its mighty force, God's vengeance high ; The shadows deepened ! Wrestling still With pride, he prayed. And he, who, but an hour agone. And broke old scorn with iron will. Kecked nought of death, Nor heeded that his frame grew chill, Now lies with cheeks fear-stricken, wan, But God obeyed. His eyes the deadly film upon. And battling breath ; And when despair of all did tempt Him yet to shun And, save a little child who'd dropped, His God, as one from hope exempt. As though a stone, He miirmured, with one grand attempt : Before his door, as he had stopped, "Thy will be done !" And would the death-sweat there have mopped, " Thy will be done !" he breathed, and slept He was alone ! In Death's embrace ; Alone in that deserted street. And though no friends around him wept, Where all was gloom ; • With shining face on high he leapt Alone with but his own lieai-t's beat, In that lone place ! And that poor child to help him meet "Thy will be done !" The evening breeze His hovering doom ! Seemed lingering o'er Through this the child did calm remain, The words that brought the parched heart ease, And watched the sun. And surely tender melodies Whose dying rays no more again The echoes bore ! Their glory on his brow should rain ; — # * -Tf- * * His course was run ! Oh ! ye who toil in this hot life " Thy will be done," his little lips. With heavy load, With effort, sighed ; Although yoivr path with thorns be rife, Then — as a tiny dew-di-op drips And endless, too, the bitter strife. From flower to flower, from whence it slips And sharp the goad, To earth — he died ! Faint not beneath the weight of care, He died — and deeper grew the shade Though sore oppressed ; O'er housetop tall ; For if one worthy but despair. And the rich man, who ne'er had prayed, Could gain His bounteous mercy rare. Felt o'er his soul a shadow laid. Ye shall be blessed ! As though a pall. -^s=: — . Oswald Allan. 66 ADVERTISEMENTS. JOHN TANNS RELIANCE SAFES 11, NEWGATE STREET, E.G. X^ZS'X' I*OST J. ESS ON, MILLWRIGHT AND ENGINEER, 10, Johnson's Court, Fleet Street, E.G., AND PEMBERTON ROW, GOUGH SQUARE. ALL KINDS OF PRINTERS' AND BOOKBINDERS' MACHINERY EXPEDITIOUSLY REPAIRED. Four Royal Drop- Bar Perfecting Machine, by Brown. Fouv Demy Fast Drup-Bar Perfecting Machine, by Dryden. "Times" size, "Two Feeder," in thorough working order, baa been printing one of our leading Morning Newspapers. Double Royal Perfecting Machine, by Napier. Double Demy Perfecting Machine, by Napier. Double Demy Desideratum Machine, by Napier. Double Demy Ingle Machine, in first class working order. Double Demy Bremner Machine. Double Demy Main's Machine. Patent Card Priuting Machine, to print without ink. Will print 100 per Minute, and was exhibited and worked in the Exhibition ; also, Cases and Type for the above Machine. Large, powerful Rolling and Glazing Machine, treble geared. Ink and Colour Grinding Mill, with three Rollers. 26-inch Diagonal Catting Machine, secondhand. 26-inch Vertical Cutting Machine, by Dawson Otley. 18-inch Cutting Machine, by Wilson. Super Royal Albion Press, by Hopkinson & Cope. Two Super Royal Columbians. Demy Columbian. Demy Albion Press, by Hopkinson & Cope, nearly new.' Demy Stanhope Press. Several Litho Presses. Two Galley Presses. Three Hoi-se-jwwer Veitical Engine and Boiler, the Boiler new. Four Horse-power Vertical Engine and Boiler com« biued. Eight Horse-power Vertical Boiler, by Middleton. Engines and Boilers in Stock from two to twelve florae" powei'. &c., &c., &c. Ag-ent fov £Sicl£ex*toii's ILiitlio ]>laelxiiies. ALL KINDS OF PRINTING MACHINES &. PRESSES BOUGHT.] FLOTSAM AND JETSAM. 57 THE SWELLS. Not by Edgar ^llan Poe. Listen to the lisping of the swells — Awful swells ! Ennui in intensity their drawling accents tell, As they saunter in the " Eow," With entourage comme ilfauty Far too hhise e'en to speak, Save in childish pipings weak, Out of tune, — In a mild expostulation at the want of something new, In a clamorous appealing at the dearth of aught to do, — Looking cool, cool, cool, At all " get-ups " not by Poole, As club scandal they retail Of the last connubial sale Of the day ! How they leer. And peer, and sneer, At Saint John's Wood broughams queer. In a charmingly debilitated way ! Next, we have another kind of swells — Seedy swells ! Impecuniosity within (heir aspect dwells, And their boots, and hats, and clothes, Fadly foreign are to those W^hich our former friends disclose Every day ! And they dismally recur unto the days ere tick expired, When they dined and wined ad lib., and were both feted and admired — Ere the Hebrew would refuse To transmute their I O U's, And they only know the blues Asa bore ; When the features of their creeds Wete feeds, and weeds, And steeds. And the tliought of being poor In the future they ne'er saw, But would greet it with a roax', To be sure ! Last, we have the naughtiest of swells — Howling swells ! £ach, in larks nocturnal, both our other friends excels. Thinking nought of getting "tight," Bcreechiug out in wild delight In the "startled eve of night" Tavern melodies, despite The warning of the much-disgusbed " p'lice," Making rows, rows, rows, Imitating small bow-wows, While the cats on all the tiles. Whom this mad defiance riles, Add their quota to the torment of the Peace ! Yes, these swells, swells, swells, Bibulation deep impels To wake the peaceful midnight with their yells yell^, yells, With their yells, yells, yells, yells, yells, yells, yells — Their sleep-destroying, horrifying yells ! THE BOHEMIAN'S FAREWELL. Very much "after" Byron, Farkwell to the Strand, and my uppermo->t story, Which bore on the door in rude letters my name ; Whoseshelter I'vecourted with countenance goiy, When street rows had soiled both my linen and fame ! I've warred with a landlord, who conquered me only When liquor and love had allured me too fai-, And the lodger made love to his fair daughter lonely. While she giggled softly, and murmured "Ask ma!" Farewell to the Strand ! While the moupy had crown'd me, Of coin for sprees I ne'er yet felt the dearth ; But Poverty says, I must leave as I found thee, Decayed in my garments, and sunk in my worth I Oh ! for the numberless sov'ieigns I've wasted In strife with the p'lice ere my orgies were dune ! Oh ! for the numberless liquoi-s I've tasted. With blackened eyes fixed upon multiplied sua Farewell to thee. Strand ! But, when Bankruptcy rallies, And calls me once moi'e to thy regions, why then, As the old well-known footstep recrosses thine alleys, Welcome me back to Bohemia again ! E'en 3^et I may baffle the duns that surround rae, E'en yet may thy street be aroused by my voice; And when for a spree you have gathered around me, Then turn, and call on the chief of your choice ! JoHiT J. BoSWORTH. 58 ADVERTISEMENTS. AMUSEMENT WITHOUT END. I'l'ico Five SsHiilliiirj-s, h Book to delight the intelligent, the youth of quick or dull parts, and to make the home circle a happy one. A Boole like this must prove a welcome guest ; as it is essentially a book to airmse, and a wonderful addition ill enlivening the festivities of evening parties, the home possessing this book need never fear ennui. ROYAL AND IMPERIAL MOVEABLE Price 2s. 6d., half bound. Very large bold Figuree printed in Oil-Coloura ; which, by a new and simple arrangement, in each Scene are made to act at the same time. The gieateat Novelty for Children ever produced. THE SURPRISE PICTURE BOOKS. PRICE ONE SHILLING & SIXPENCE EACH: SIX READY, VI2.- 1. Robinson Crusoe. 2. Transforming Performances. 3. Punch and Judy, with true account of the Maniii^c'' of Miss .iii'ly ami Masten riincli. 4. The Surprise Ridiiig Hood and Cinderella. 5. Clown and Pantaloon's Pantomimic Fun and TPtlCKS, with Surprise riclures. 6. The Surprise Picture Alphabet. The Trans- forming Pictures to tliis series of l)ool<5 make them the wonder of the youiic; anil the suprise and (lyli;;ht uf every(ine. The St. Dunstan's 10s. Bo!x of Fun and Amusement, affording endless mirth. Contnining Toys Ihnt will mnlcp fun for a whole evening iind amusemeut for all times. Complote, in handsome Box, 10s. THE P^THOIVA^GE OIT TINDER Debrett's Handbooks to the Aristocracy, Are the cheapest and most reliable WorliS of the land, and supply more infornntion of r,iviNG Miombeks OF THE >'uBlLrrY and the imme- diate family connections than all other rublications C(iml)inei1. DEAN and SON, Publishers, Christmas Card Manufacturers, 160a. Fleet Street, E.G. MANUFACTURERS OF CAED AND DfiAWOa BOAEDS, MESSAGE CARDS, ETC., Surface Coloured Papers of all kinds for Bookbinders and Printers, HOT PRESSING AND GLAZING OF PAPERS, 35, Clerkenwell Green, Farringdon, Road, London,-^ E.G. HEALTH A SOURCE OF HAPPINESS. IMPORTANT MEDICAL & SOCIAL WORKS. BY DR. HENRY SMITH. Enlarged Edition, 140 pages, free by post, two stamps, in envelope. Debilitating and Nervous Diseases; their Cause and CUKE ; or, HEALTH, HOW LOST and HOW REGAINED. A WAKNIN'O VOICE TO YOUTH AND MANHOOD. This work gives Dr. Smith's Treatment (the result of tweuty-six years' special practice) for the Cure of all Diseasps of the Nervous System, Nervous Dirliilily, Meiitil and I'liysical Depression, I'alpitation of the Heart, Noises in the Head and Ears, Indecision, Impaired Siaht and JJeniory, Indigestion, Lo>s of Energy, Pains in the Back, Constipation, Blushing, Hysterin, Timidity, Self- distrust, Dizziness, Love of Solitude, Groundless Fears, Muscular Kelaxation, &o., resulting from Exhaustion of Nerv«"Power, the effect of Overtaxed Energies, Enervating Habits, and other abuses of tho system which, if neglected, end in premature decline and death. GIVES ADVICE ATSiD INSTRUCTION, Illustrated with Cases and Testimonials, with means used in each Case. Glossary of Medical Terms. Important Rules to be observed by Patients, New Chapter on .Marriage, Its Obligations, &,o. Free by post ( 102 pages), seven stamps, in envelope. Woman; Her Duties, Relations, and Position. Subjects treated : Girlhood, Maidenhood, Courtship, Marriage, Jlothcrhood, Female Eilucation, Woman as a Wife, Woman as a Mother, ic, &c. It is a treatise on suhjects of vital importance to Woman. N.B.— A SPECIAL EDITION, BEAUTIFULLY ILLUSTRATED WITH Enoea VINOS ON WOOD, Cloth gilt, One Shilling. Addi-ess Di-. H. S^IITM, S, Burton Oresoeiit, Lonclon, W.O. FLOTSAM AND JETSAM, 59 BmKIE'S BLUNDER. A LAY OF COLD CHICKEN AND COURTSHIP. Being me forth my Britiuh toga, Clothe me iu my waistcoat white ; For to-night I have to go far To a patty held by nighi! Give me now ray spotless collar, Next my studs of coral pure, Then my cambric tie will follow — Hark ! my Haueom's at the door ! Now, my Mary, thou best menial That e'er bless'd the hearts of men, I'll excuse all errors venial, But shut up my house at ten. As for robbers, burglars — these men I don't care about a button ; But beware of azure p'licemen, Who go in for love and mutton. Then unto my chariot driver, Who stands grinning at the door, I say, proudly, " Look alive, ah ! South-street, Hyde-pank, number four 1" Three small boys, who've seen my parting. Viewed my visage blithe and gay, Just as my cab's swiftly starting. Most insanely shout : " Hooray ! " Fast through square and swell street trotting, Flies my cab at dang'rous rate. Till at Swangle's door I'm knocking With a booom most elate. Open'd is the door by Puffins — Leads me to a small room, where I can smell both tea and muffins And arrange my ambient hair. Then a "buttons" small, whose post is To announce the guests who come. Ushers me unto the hostess With, "Here's Mr. Binkie, mum!" And the hostess, fair and curly. With large eyes of lustrous blue, Says : " How kind to come thus early ; But, you know, its just like you !" Straight I plunge into a chaos Both of converse and of dance, And my bright and brilliant sallies Meet with many a radiant glance. Maidens young and maidens olden. Womankind of every age, With dark eyes, and trtsses golden, By my nonsense I engage. Jokes culled from the comic journals Do I vent to parent? fat, Till they shake their sides with laughter At my mirth-provoking chat. Swangle, who is bald and pursy. With an idiotic phiz, In his ecstasy of humour. Roars out : " What a chap he is !" And, in fact, I'm the attraction Of the party, without doubt, Though some envious white-tied boobies Venom'd shafts of satire shout. Yet my heart is strangely lonely j For my eyes as yet don't fall On the one I love so fondh' — Love the truest, best of all. Ettie Timkins, fair and beauteous As the — well, you know the rest, Don't I love the ground she walks on ; But her old aunt I detest. Her old aunt, Melinda Griggle, Who's of old and frosty mien. Yet will ape the drens and manners Of a virgin of sixteen. And who will insist on flirting, In a nasueous way wii'i me, With which, just to yvt . i .ir Ettie, I am forced content L > be. Ah ! the room grows biigbler, surely, Lightent^d is my mental gloom, See my Ettie and Melinda Come at last into the room ! Aunt Melinda dressed exactly Like her sweet and charming niece^ Why such sacrilege so hideous, Won't that poor old lady cease ? But what's this beside my Ettie, Whose baboon-like face is this Bending o'er my heart's best treasure ?- Something surely is amiss. Red his hair, and red his features. Redder than them all his nose ! And my jealous fear and anger Ev'ry moment stronger grows. But, in answer to my queries. When the hirsute ape is gone, EttiH sii^hs, with head averted, "It is only Cousin John !' How I hate that wretched cousin. Though I curb my wrathful ire! But. when he again returns, I With a haughty mien retire. Still he's very tall, and brawny. Very broad and straight in back, Therefore I keep very civil. Though my heart is on the raok. Presently the old Melinda Bids me whirl her in the dance, I consent, for love of Ettie, Though she gives a scornful glance. Round the room with that old party I gyrate with reckless dash, When — oh, horror ! — comes collision,^ Such a fearful, sounding smash ! To my grief I see 'tis Ettie, As I s-prawl upon the floor. While her horrid red-haired cousin Bursts into a heartless roar ! I could strangle him with pleasure ; While Meliuda's look of wrath Mic'ht subdue a Bengal tiger If it came across her path ; But on John it falls unheeded. As he does that fiendish grin, And some ftvuzied words I mutter. That no parson's heart would win! Supper's over, and I somehow Feel a trifle dazed and light. Though I'd laugh to scorn suggestion Hinting I'm a little tight. 60 FLOTSAM AND JETSAM. But I feel 80 "loose and carelesp," Ab our Yankee cousins say, Tbat, ahhmigh but lately savage^ I again am almost gay. For, emboldened by the Clicquot, I resolve at once to aek Ettie for her hand while feeling Equal to the arduous task. See, my darling leaves the dancers, Seeking the etquestered gloom Of the tea room, now deserted. And I go to meet my doom ! It is dimly I'f^hted trulv, And my love's averted head Hidf s the blushes as I ask ber If she will her Biukee wed. "But be mine, my sweet," I murmur, ""And thy life with joy I'll fill ? ' With a maiden's timid fervour She replie?, " Jily dear, I will !" Then, in rapture to car.ss her, Straight 1 ope my eager arms, And «ith mad devotion clas;> her — Cla?p those bright and radiant charms. But what's this ? Why, goodness gracious ! Credit my own eyes I can't ! 'Tis not Ettie I've pr 'posed to — 'Tis ber hag-like maiden aunt ! While, to crown the cup of mis'ry, Ettie comes the scene upon. Followed by the one I hate po. That most odious Cousin John I 'Tis in vain my loud protesting, For Melinda stops my jaw By a hint, that, if I scorn her, She'll appeal unto the Law ! John and Ettie then assure me (Which but makes me more enraged) That I needn't fret myself so, For they've been for months engaged I «t^ * * * * On the morrow I'm to wed her — Wed that ancient maiden dame: How I long to fly from England, And conceal my wrath and shame ! But Melinda watches Binkie Asa tabby does a mouse, Ard I get no chance of leaving For a moment e'en the house. So I'll wed the false Melinda — For I've been a foolish dolt — But when once the chance I light on, Like a shot from her I'll bolt, — Bolt, and live a hermit lonely, 'Mong the dupkv Carribec, WLsre there'tt no deceitful woman. Where one's heart may be at ease, And in placid calm I'll ponder On the sweetheart that I've lost, Briod npon the days of passion Ere my heart felt fortune's frost I Thus at least I'll have seclusion In the primal forest's gloom ; Hoping that my friends will pro6t By the thought of Binkie's Doom! Archibald Bichardson. RTH & ELLIS, THEATRICAL, COLOUR, AND GENERAL PRINTERS, "BLOOMSBURY STEAM -PRINTING WORKS," ei & 62, man street, w.o, (PRINTERS OF THE WRAPPER OF THIS BOOK.) CATALOGUES, PAMPHLETS, CIRCULARS, BILL-HEADS, CARDS, &a, PRINTED IN THE NEATEST STYLE. ipaftrmib ^roigrnmrnes for Cbeafrts, Jmutmr l^erfonnairtcf?, ^t. In Connection Avith tlie Ci'O-wn Pevfiuniei'y Company, W. HOWES, 122 & 122, CURTAIN ROAD, LONDON, E,C., Manufacturer of Looking-glasses, Console and Pier Tables, Girondoles, and Picture Frames, CARVER, GILDER , PLATE-GLASS FACTOR A ND SILVERER. The Public Supplied at Manufacturers' Prices. A Lar^e Collection of Valuabis Oil Paintings and Water-colour Drawings for Sale. —^■'=~ili"^^^^"— rr'^^'°"^°°'Br >^.! p. n. RIMMEL'S ELEGANT N OVELTIES FOR THE WINTE R SEASON. Cl^ristmas anir i:eto frafs Carbs snb ^atlrts. In immense variety, all sweetly scented. RIMMEL'S PERFUMED ALMANACS FOR 1876. National F'jwers, 6d. Comic Pocket-Book, Is. Baby Fan Almanac, la K" / Perfume Bp^os, Hampers, Baskets, &c., from 6d. mi©a^¥«li@WMl^® i©mir OAimi. from 78. ea. to £8 8. EXPANDING GLOVE AND HANDKERCHIEF BOXESi TOxLET BOTTLES AND SMELLING BOTTLES. THE NEW JEANNE D'ABC GIEDLE. CHATELAINES, AUMONIERES, FAN HOLDERS, &c. NOVEL AND FASHIONABLE FANS, The most choice and extensive stock in London. Satin Qlove and Handkerchief Sachets, Music Eolls, &c. THE NEW GUSHING ROSE. Pepfume Yapopizeps fop Pupifying" & Scenting" the Atmosphepe DRAWING ROOM AND DINNER TABLE FOUNTAINS. Of the most original and amusing description. SEE PAETICtJLAKS WITHIN. EUGENE RIMMEL, Perfumer hy Appointment to H.R.H. the Princess of Wales, 96, STEA.ND; 128, EEQENT STREET., aad 24, COENHILL, LONDON. 76, KING'S EOAD, BEIGHTON, and 17, BOULEVARD DES ITALIEN8, PAEI3 Kl Rimmel's Elegant Novelties for the Winter Season, RIMMEL'S PERFUMED ALMANACS FOR 1876. '-^'irtW' NATIONkL FLOWERS Beautifully illuminated. Price Cd., by post for 7 stamus. RiMMEL's Comic Pocket-book Almanac. Quaintly illustrated. Price Is., by post for 13 stamps. RIMMEL'S BABY FAN i^LMANAC, A perfect bijon, with 12 humorous designs. Price, Is., by post for 13 stamps. Rimmel's Christmas Souvenir Expanding into a Miniature Fan. Price, Is. 6d by post for 19 stamps. CHRISTMAS CARDS. CHILDREN'S CHRISTMAS CARDS, brightly coloured, Is., '2s., and 3s, per dozen. ILLUMINATED BOOK - MARKER, with Christmas and New Years Mottoes, 3s. per doz. CHRISTMAS MOTTOES with floral borders, 3s. and 4s. per dozen RELIGIOUS SUBJECTS, 3s., 4s., and 6s. per doz<^n. THE NEW FLORA:, "i"! \:'K.iiROUND ' AR'', very effective, W. LACE CARDS, with hand-painting on silk. Is., Is. 6d., 2s. 6d.. and 3s. 6d. FRENCH CARDS, with satin and pearl flowers, Is., Is. Gd., and 2s. 6d. THE NEW HAND PAINTED CARD, very chaste and artistic, i.. ''■■oes Is., Floral designs, 23. 6d. and 33. 6d. One hxindred other sorts exquisitely mounted, 6d., Is., Is. (.Jd., 2s. 6d., 3s. 6d., 5s., and 7s. 6d. Fifty different patterns, all richly mounted and sweetly perfumed, 6d., Is., Is. 6d., 2s. 6d., 3s. 6d., 53., and lOs. 6d. A.ny of tlie above sent by Post on receipt of stamps, with one extra for Postage. PERFUMED DINNER CARDS AND MENUS. THE NEW CHRISTMAS DINNER CARD, 6 hunlorous designs, 2s. per dozen ; by post 25 stamps. WILLOW PATTERN DINNER CARDS, Is. 6d. Menus, 3s. 6d. per dozen, ILLUMINATED DINNER CARDS, Is., Is. 6d., and 23. 6d., with Menus at the back, Ss. 6d. per doz FANCV' BOXES, BASKETS, HAMPERS. &o. ALL CONTAINING PEEFUMEEY. Paper Boxes, vailous patterns, richly Gilt or Illuminated. 6d., Is., Is. 6d., 23. 6d., 33. 6d., and 5s. Polished Wood Boxes, 2s. 6d., painted tops, 3s. 6d., with Locks, 3s. 6d., 5s., 7s. 6d., and 10s. 6d. Open and Closed Baskets, 6d.. Is., Is. 6d., 2s. 6d.. 3s. 6d. and .'is. Christmas Hampers, containing 3 Champagne Bottles of Scent, 23. 6d, Japanese Boxes, quaintly ornamented, from 2s. 6d. to 10s. 6d. THE HALF-GUINEA. CHRISTMAS HAMPER, Containing Perfumes, fJraekers, Christmas Cards, and Ornaments for Christmas Trees. THE HALF-GUINEA CASKET OF BEAUTY, Containing all the preparations necessary for preserving and improving the complexion. FANCY CASES FiLLED WITH PERFUME Fancy Wood, two cut bottles, 8s., 9s. 6d.. and 10s. 6d. Three bottles, 12s. 6d., and 1.5s. Leather, two bottles, 7s. 6d., 10s. 6d., 12s. 6d., and IGs. Three bottles, 25s., 33s., 36s., 40s. Six bottles. 24s., 50s., 60s., and 70s. Velvet, two bottles, 22s. and 24s. Three bottles, 35s. Four bottles, 50s. Tortoiseshell, two bottles, 27s. Three bottles, 38s. Four bottl-s. 4os. Mother o' Pearl, tvro bcttles, 31s. 6d. Three bottles, 42s. Four bottles. 50s. Leather, with oxydized silver relief ornaments, two bottles. 27s. Three bottles, 42s. MUSICAL SCENT-CASES, from Two Guineas. r Q ..t.r>^>.^ n^^loe 9q m ■ 1R ai-tifilps. .'is. ; .Sfi articles. 10a. 6d. ; 72 articles, ^81 Is. ar.d 42s. Four bottles, 12s. 6d., 27s., and Lmmel's Elegant Novelties for the Winter Season. NEW AND FASHIONABLE FANS, (Specially Manufactured for E. Rimmel.) Tne most extensive and choice selection to be found in London. Black Giant Fan painted Baptiste 7s. Do. do. lai'j,'e 8s. od. and Ss. Do. plain silk 10s. to 258. Do. painted satin 123. 6d. to ^1 Is. Do. painted silk 12s. 6d. and 15.s. Richly painted £1 Is. to .£5 Ss. Ivory and Tortoiseshell Fans from .£1 2a. to ,£3 38. Paper Watteau Fans ... 2a. 6d. White Gauze ... ... 5s. Do. ... ... 6s. Spangled Gauze, gold mount Ts. 6d. Plain Silk or Satin ... 10s. Do. painted ... 12s. 6d. Richly painted silk, carved mounts, from £1 Is. to ,£5 53. j *i ^a uu THE NEW PEACOCK-TIPPED FAN, very elegant, from £ll3. THE NEW WOOD CHATELAINE FAN *rom Is. 6d. ^ PLAIN OR PAINTED SILK FANS, mounted to match the color of any — dress, from 12s. 6d. to £(> Gs BLACK, PLAIN AND PAINTED FANS, gold mounts and spangles, from 7s Od to £3 3s WHITE FANS, painted or spangled, gold mounts, from 12s. 6d. to £3 3s. Pearl Mounted Fainted Silk Fans, from £3 12s. to £20. Pearl Mounted Rich Real Lace Fans, from £4 4s. to £25. VIENNESE, CHINESE AND BRAZILIAN FANS. EIMMEL'S SURPRISE BOUQIIKT^ FANS, Violets, 23. 6d. ; Rose-buds, 3s. : Full Blown Roses, 5s. 6d. and 6s. ; Grouped Flowers, 6s. 6d. Camelias 73. 6d. N.B.— These Fans are mounted to order with special Flowers for Wedding Parties. ' Screen Fans, 6d. ; Telescope Fans, Is.; Printed, Is. 6d. ; Painted, 2s.; with Lace Edging, Ss. 6d. THE NEW RUSTIC TELESCOPE FAN, Is. Gd. and 28. 6d. .mmel's New Perfumed Plain or Painted Music Rolls, From One Guinea, a charming present for a Lady. The New Half Guinea Japanese Mosaic Set, Containing Glove, Handkerchief and Collar Boxes; a neat present for a Gentleman. ^LOVE AND HANDKERCHIEF BOXES, in Sets, I8s.; £158.; £2 28.; and £3 3s. The new Combination Velvet HandkercMef and Glove Box, .£3 3s- Perfumed, Plain, or Painted Satin Sultanas, For Gloves and Handkerchiefs. A most recherche article, in all colors, 8s. 6d., 15s., 17s. 6d., £1 23. and £i 23, From ,£1 5s. to ^84 4s. A Choice Assortment of Ladies' and Gentlemen's Purses. CHATELAINE PURSES, 7s. 6d. and 10s. 6d. FAN HOLDERS, 2s. 6d., 3s. 6d., 4s. 6d. and 63. 64. THE NEW JEANNE D'ARC GIRDLE and AUMONIERE ROLAND. MOROCCO, RUSSIA, AND SEAL-SKIN CIGAR CASES. iSOME CUT GLASS TOILET BOTTLES, various patterns, from the celebrated Baccarat Manufactory, m CHINA TOILET SETS from Half-a-Guinea. jING BOTTLES, Single Smelling Bottles, silver caps, from Ss. ; Double from 43. 6d. ; silver gilt caps from 53. 6d. ; spring tops, single, from 16s. ; double, from 18s. THE NEW CHATELAINE SMELLING BOTTLE. lask, dead gold, 3s. 6d. j Engraved, 5s. ; oxydized with clasp, 5s. ; Forester's Horn, 10s. 6d. The Lorgnette Smelling Bottle, from 15s. THE NEW SELF-ACTINa PERFUME DIFFUSER To cool and Perfume the Atmosphere in Apartments and Sick Rooms, 2i. 6d. Rimmel' s Patent Dinner Table Fountains. To replace the Rosewater Salver, 15s. ; .£1 Is. ; ^£2 2s. ; £2 10s. ^^ Rimmel's Ne^w Perpetual Perfume Fountains, '■^' (Storer's Patent) foe the dkawing-koom and ball-room. Can be set going pernetually, by simply reversing the cisterns, Price ^£2 17s. 6d., <£3 3s., .£4, and ^5 10s. ''^-^--"' — ^ ^^^■.■,^x^^^■^^ TJ^4. ^,.-. A ,^-^^\ i-^r^ *\ ^-^ Rimmers Elegant Winter Novelties. For Dinners, Balls, Parties, or other Social Gatherings. ALL VERY ELEGANT AND AMUSING. EOSEWATER CRACKERS, with choice Mottoes from Standard Poets, 2g. per dozen COMIC OONVEliSATION CRACKERS, containing a serioa of questions and answers, humorously illustrated, '2a. 6il. per dozen. LOTTERY CRACKERS, each containing some different device, 4g. per dozen (in neat package?.) ORACULAR CRACKERS, containing a rhymed Oracle of Destiny, 3s. 6d. ner doz. FLORAL CRACKERS, containing a beautiful scented Flower, with motto, 5s. 6d. per d«z. FAN CRACKERS, containing an expanding Screen Fan, 5s. 6d. per dozen. COSTUME CRACKERS, containing a Headdress or other piece of attire, 3s. 6d. per dozen. PASSIONS OF THE PERIOD, the last out, containing a bottle of scent and a quaint design, illustrating what is your ruling passion, 4s. Gd. per dozen. THE NEW GUSHINa ROSE. A most amusing device, which placed in the button-hole emits a jet of rose water. Is. 6d. RIMMEL'S CHRISTMAS PERFUME CASKET. Three bottles of scent and a sachet in a pretty illuminated box, Ss. FLORA'S FOUNTAIN a charming miniature stand, distilling sweet scent, 5s. Jardinieres, containing perfume. Is. 6d. and 2s. 6d. Richly Mounted Perfumery Boxes, forming a handsome present, lOs. 6d., 15s., ^61 Is., £2 23, & ^63 3s. RIMMEL'S PERFUMES FOR THE HANDKERCHIEF Star of India. Ihlang-Ihlang. New Mown Hay. Jockey Club. Prmce of Wales. Vanda. Magnolia. i^ss. Bouquet. Alexandra. White Rose. Cuir de Russia. Bising Star. Duke of Edinburgh. Frangipane. White Lilac. Marimon Etoile du Nord. Wood Violet. Malvetta, I Belocca, &c. Price from 2s, 6d. per bottle. Three bottles in a pretty box for 7s. The Exquisite, a highly concentrated Perfume, in a neat case, Ss. Of world-wide reputation. Is., 2s. 6d. and 5s. RIMMEL'S SUPERIOR EAU DE COLOGNE, Is., 2s. 6d. and Ss. RIMMBL'S MITCHAM LAVENDER V/ATER, from 6d, RIMMEL'S TOILET WATER, of delicious fragrance, 2s. 6d., 4s. 6d, and 68. RIMMEL'S PURE WHITE GLYCERINE SOAP, the best for the skin, 6d. and Is. RIMMEL'S LIME JUICE AND GLYCERINE, for the Hair, Is. 6d., 2s. 6d. and 5s. GENUINE WEST INDIA BAY RUM, for removing dandriff, 2s. 6d. and 53. BIM MEL'S SNOJF WHITE CUE AM, for improving the t)hin Is. 6d. RIMMEL'S GLYCERINE COLD CREAM, for chapped hands, Is. RIMMEL'S LOTION, for beautifying the complexion, 2s. 9d. 4s. 6d. and 8s. 6d. A refined, adherent and invisible Toilet Powder, for whitening the skin and giving it a velvet-like texture. Is. 6d., with puff 2s, BIMMEL'S AQUA DENTINE, an Extract of Southern Flowers, for cleansins: and whitetiing the Tct refreshing the Mouth, 2s. 6d. RIMMEL'S PHOTOCHROME, a new Pommaae, for restoring grey hair and beard to their original colour through the a; light, 3s. 6d. . RIMMEL'S PERFUME VAPORIZER, for Purifying the Air in Apartments and Rooms. Bronze 8s., Plated 12s. "•B.-^All Orders hy Post to be accompanied with a remittance. A Guinea's worth sent Carriage Free to any Rauway Station in No bottle can be forwarded by Post. A Splendid Gift Book, RiMMEL'S French Edition op " The Book of Perfumes,' ^ " Le Livre des Parfmns," with a Preface by Alphonse Karr. I;arge, in 8vo, richly bound, 400 engravings, 12 ehromos, Ss. By post 104 stamps. Scented Programmetji^ BaiU, Concerts, Amateur Theatricals, &fc. Terms on application EUGENE RIMMEL, Perfumer by Appointment to H.R.H. the Princess of Wales. ELEX: TR I CITY I S-ftilf^ PULVERMACHEK'S IMPORTANT NEW IMPROVEMENTS. PATENT GALVANIC CHAIN-BANDS, BELTS, BATTERIES, &,c. HAVE NOW STOOD THE TEST OP THIRTY YEARS' SUCCESSFUL EXPERIENCE. At the Price of 5s., sufferers are, by these improvements, enabled to benefit from the vast curative povrers of the above self applicable Galvanic appliances in a ivarin, dry and comfurtahle manner. Authentic evidence of remarkable cures in a great variety of ailments is given in Pulvermacher's Pamphlet, " Galvanism, Natuue's Chief Restokeb of Impaired VrrAL EsERGT," post free on application, for three stamps, to J, L. PULVEEMACHER'S Galvanic Establishment, 194, Regent Street, London, W. (nearly opposite conduit street.) CA UTION.— Beware of any other address in Regent Street than this. ipREPPmmmimiffmmsmmm^!iimmm^\ i£^£|^Ab ki iraJLN \m^ M Medical Testimony states that unquestionably no other remedy exists which is so certain in its effects. ASTHMA, WINTER COUGH, BRONCHITIS, DIFFICULTY OF BREATHING, alike yield to its influence. One Lozenge alone gives the sufferer relief. Many remedies are sold that contain Mor- phia, Opium, or violent drugs, but KEATING "S COUGH LOZENGES are composed only of the purest simple drugs, and the most delicate in health may use them with perfect confidence. KEATING'S COUGH LOZENGES are pre- pared by Tjiomas Keating, St. Paul's Churcliyard, and sold by all Chemists, in Boxes, Is. Ud. and 2s. ARE THE BEST. Being immensely superior to anything ever introduced for Family or Dressmalting purposes. Before buying any other, the Public are requestpd to see these Machines, or send for a Prospcctna to Taylor's Patent Sewing Mac- hine Co., Great Driffield, or 97, Cheapside, London. Aiiglo-Aniericaii Uarvels of Efficiency and Economy. Proved Economisers of Fuel. Save their cost in 12 months use. ^ Stoves & RanA'es When required theyi are independent ofl fireplaces and brick- work setting, and they perfectly cure smoky chimneys. For fnll particulars of their famed " Livingstone" & other Ranges & Heating Stoves, apply to the Contractors, MURDOCH and Co., Laurence Pountney Hill, Cannoa Street, London. THOUSAKBB OP TESTIKONIALS FOBWABDEDFBOM ALL PARTS, TO BE BAD OM APPLICATION TO nOE FBOPBIETOB. BY HER MAJESTY'S ROYAL LETTERS PATENT. "FIRES INSTANTLY LIGHTED" WHEELS, BT SQTTAHM. STEVENSON'S SAFE, CLEAN AND EFFECTIVE, (A GREAT SAVING OP TIME TO SERVANTS) ENTIRELY SUPERSEDING BUNDLE WOOD. Extensively patronised in the House of Peers, Universities, among tM Nobility, Oentry, principal Hotels, Club Houses, etc. Sold by all Oilmen and Grocers, or "Wholesale of STEVENSON &: Co., SOLE PATENTEES AND '^ATiiVYKCTlVB.'ERS.^l^^l^^^l'XSo^ 18, WHARF ROAD, CITY ROAD, LONDON, N. ' receipt of P.O.O. *00 delirered free In Town and Suburbs, 12b. 6d. or 1,000, 2'Js. J..- Li a'64nK REC'D LD JUN5 '64-iPM MAY 6 1966 3 4 ^^WV2 3 f55S <^ f-- 1 3 1998^ iS» APR I 3 Jg98 -^''li aLjARL udi ilo ^-- LD 2]A-40to-11,'63 (E1602slO)476B Univetsity of California General Library Berkeley I 14 DAY USE ii RETURN TO DESK FROM WHICH BORROWED LOAN DEPT. This book is due on the last date stamped below, or on the date to which renewed. Renewed books are subject to immediate recall. i A