fc ^OF-CAll Tf , x- ^lOSAH c> ^ -r S 8 "%13AIN > ya . \\\E-UNIVER% .vlOS-AN' 25 < OQ =3 >- -n 1 T H E Clandeftine Marriage, A C O M E D Y, As it ii A i- rf.D at the Theatre Royal in Drury-l*aise. GEORGE COL M A N AND DAVID G A R R I C K. Hue adbibe viiliu:, et In una pane duobus : Vivat) et ejuf'ltm ftmiti uterque parent ! OVID. A*' N E'V/ D 1 T 'I C?'N. : _ , ~- L O N D ON: ! for T. BECKET and P. A. DE HONDT, in the Strand. M.DLC.LXX. 595S3 ml Advertifement. HOGARTH's MARRIAGE-A-LA-MODE has before furnifhed Materials to the Au- thor of a Novel, publifhed fome Years ago, un- der the Title of The Marriage- Aft : But as that Writer purfued a very different Story, and as his Work was chiefly defigned for a Political Satire, very little Ufe could be made of it for the Service of this Comedy. In Juftice to the Perfon, who has been con- fidered as the fole Author, the Party, who has hitherto lain concealed, thinks it incumbent on him to declare, that the Difclofure of his Name was, by his own Defire, refer ved till the Publication of the Piece, Both the Authors, however, who have be- fore been feparately honoured with the Indul- gence of the Publick, now beg Leave to make their joint Acknowledgements for the very favourable Reception of the CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. Written by Mr. GARRICK. Spoken by Mr. HOLLAND. and Painters i who from Nature draw beft and richeft Stores, have made this Lav}-; That each Jhculd neighbourly aj/ift his Brother, And ft eal with Decency from one another. To-night, your mat chiefs Hogarth gives the Thought^ Which from his Cam-as to the Stage is brought. And who fo fit to warm the Poet's Mind, As he who piffur'd Morals and Mankind ? But not the fame their Characters and Scenes ; Both labour for one End, by different Means \ Each, as it fuits him, takes a feparate Road, Their one great Objeft, MARRIAGE-A-LA-MODE ! Inhere Titles deign with Cits to have and hold, And change rich Blood for more fubftantial Gold / And honour* d Trade from Intereft turns afide, To hazard Happinefsfor titled Pride. The Printer dead, yet ftillhe charms the Eye-, While England lives, his Fame can never die : But he, who itruts his Hour upon the Stage, Can fcarce extend his Fame for Half an Age ; Nor Pen nor Pencil can the Aftor fdvc, Tk& Art, and Artift, foare cm common Grave. O u -'. rqp one tributary Tear, On pocr Jack Falilafpj Grave, and Juliet' j Bin' / Ton to tbtlrll'crth mi'.ft Teftimony give , *Tis i;iy. - -s alone their Fame can live. Still as the Scutes of Life willjhift away, The flrcng Impreffiow of their Art deccy. Tcitr Children cannot feel what yen kc^e known ; / boaft of QL-IXS and GIBBERS of their own: The grec.tejl Glcry of cur ;.;, /j to be felt, and be approved by YOU. Dramatis Perfonse. Lcrd Ogleby, Mr. KING. Sir John Melvil, Mr. HOLLAND. Sterling, Mr. YATES. Lovewell, Mr. POWELL. Canton, Mr. BADDF.LEV Brufh, Mr. PALMER, Serjeant Flower. Mr. LOVE. Traverfe, Mr. LEE. Trueman, Mr. AICKIN. Mrs. Heidelberg, Mrs. CLIVE. Mifs Sterling, Mifs POPE. Fanny, Mrs. PALMER, Betty, Mrs. Chamber-maid, Mifs PLYM. Trudy, Mifs MILLS. THE Clandeftine Marriage, A COMEDY. A C T I. SCENE, A rcom in Sterling V bcufe. Mifs Fanny and Betty meeting. Betty running in. MA'am ! Mifs Fanny ! Ma'am ! Fanny. What's the matter ! Betty ! Betty. Oh la ! Ma'am ! as fure as I am alive, here is your hufband Fanny. Hum ! my dear Betty ! if any body in the houfe mould hear you, I am ruined. Betty. Mercy on me ! it has frighted me to fuch a degree, that my heart is come up to my mouth. But as I was a faying, Ma'am, here's that dear, fweet - Fanny. Have a care ! Betty. Betty. Lord ! Fm bewitched, I think. But as I was a faying, Ma'am, here's Mr. Lovewell juft come from London. Fanny. Indeed ! Betty. Yes, indeed, and indeed, Ma'am, he is. I faw him crofting the court-yard in his boots. Fanny. I am glad to hear it. But pray now, my dear Betty, be cautious. Don't mention that word B again, 2 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, again, on any account. You know, we have agreed never to drop any exprefiions of that fort for fear or an accident. Betty. Dear Ma'am, you may depend upon me. There is not a more truftier creature on the face of the earth, than I am. Though I fay it, I am as fe- cret as the graveand if it's never told, till I tell it, it may remain untold till dooms-day for Betty. Fanny. I know you are faithful but in our circum- ftances we cannot be too careful. Betty. Very true, Ma'am ! and yet I vow and proteft, there's more plague than pleaiure with a fe- cret , efpecially if a body may'nt mention it to four or five of one's particular acquaintance. Fanny. Do but keep this fecret a little while longer, and then, 1 hope you may mention it to any body. Mr. Lovewell will acquaint the family with the nature of our fituation as foon as pofiible. Betty. The fooner the better, I believe : for if he does not tell it, there's a little tell-tale, I know of, will come and tell it for him. Fanny. Fie, Betty ! [blujhing. Betty. Ah ! you may well blufh. But you're notib fick, and fo pale, and fo wan, and ib many qualms Fc,nny. Have done ! I mall be quite angry with you. Betty. Angry ! Blefs the dear puppet! I am fure I fhall love it, as much as if it was my own. I meant no harm, heaven knows. Fanny. Well, fay no more of this. It makes me uneafy All I have to afk of you, is to be faithful and fecret, and not to reveal this matter, till we dif- clofe it to the family ourfelves; Betty. Me reveal it ! If I fay a word, I wifh I may be burned. I would not do you any harm for the world A/id as for Mr. Lovewell, I am fure I have loved the dear gentleman, ever fmce he got a tide- waiter's place for my brother But let me tell you both, you muft leave off your fot looks to each other, A C O M E D Y. $ other, and your whifpers, and your glances, and your always fitting next to one another at dinner, and your long walks together in the evening. For my part, if I had not been in the fecret, I ihou'd have known you were a pair of loviers at leaft, if not man and wife, as Fanny. See there now ! again. Pray be careful. Betty. Well well nobody hears me. Man and wife. I'll fay no more what I tell you is very true for all that Lovewell. \calling witbin."] William ! Betty. Hark ! I hear your hufband Fanny. What ! Betty. I fay, here comes Mr. Lovewell Mind the caution I give you I'll be whipped now, if you are not the firft perfon he fees or fpeaks to in the family However, if you chufe it, it's nothing at all to me as you fow, you muft reap as you brew, fo you muft bake. I'll e'en flip down die back-flairs, and leave you together. [Exit. Fanny alone. I fee, I fee I (hall never have a moment's eafe till our marriage is made public. New diftrefles croud in upon me every day. The folicitude of my mind finks my fpirits, preys upon my health, and deftroys every comfort of my life. It mail be revealed, let what will be the confequence. Enter Lovewell. Lovew. My love ! How's this ? In tears ? --- Indeed this is too much. You promifed me to fup- port your fpirits, and to wait the determination of our fortune with patience. For my fake, for your own, be comforted ! Why will you ftudy to add to our uneafinefs and perplexity ? Fanny. Oh, Mr. Lovewell ! the indelicacy of a fccret marriage grows every day more and more fhock- ing to me. I walk about the honfe like a guilty wretch : I imagine myfelf the objed of the fufpicion B 2 of 4 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, of the whole family , and am under the perpetual terrors of a ihameful detection. Lovew. Indeed, indeed, you are to blame. The amiable delicacy of your temper, and your quick fenfibility, only ferve to make you unhappy. To clear up this affair properly to Mr. Sterling, is the continual employment of my thoughts. Every thing now is in a fair train. It begins to grow ripe for a difcovery; and I have no doubt of its concluding to the fatisfaction of ourfelves, of your father, and the whole family. Fanny. End how it will, I am refolved it mall end foon very foon. I wou'd not live another week in this agony of mind to be miftrefs of the univerfe. Lwew. Do not be too violent neither. Do not let us difturb the joy of your filler's marriage with the tumult this matter may occafion !- I have brought letters from Lord Ogleby and Sir John Melvil to Mr. Sterling They will be here this evening and, I dare fay, within this hour. Fanny. I am forry for it. Lovew. Why ib ? Fanny. No matter Only let us difclofe our mar- riage immediately ! Lcvew. As foon as poftlble. Fanny. But directly. Lovew. In a few days, you may depend on it, Fanny. To-night or to-morrow morning. Lci'rjy. That, I fear, will be impracticable. Fanny. Nay, but you muft. Lcve&. Muft ! why ? Fanny. Indeed, you muft. I have the mofl alarm- ing reafons for it. Lovew. Alarming indeed! for they alarm me, even before I am acquainted with them What are they ? Fanny. I cannot tell you. Lovew. Not tell me ? Fanny. Not at prefent. When all is fettled, you fhall be acquainted with every thing, Lcvew. ACOMEDY. 5 LGVCW. Sorry they are coming ! Muft be dif- covered ! What can this mean ! Is it poffible you can have any reafons that need be concealed from me ? Fanny. Do not difturb yonrfelf with conjectures but reft allured, that though you are unable to di- vine the caufe, the conlequence of a difcovery, be it what it will, cannot be attended with half the miferie* of the prefent interval. Loveiv. You put me upon the rack. I wou'd do any thing to make you eafy. But you know your father's temper. Money (you will ejtcuie my frank- nefs) is the fpring of all his actions, which nothing but the idea of acquiring nobility or magnificence can ever make him forego and thefe he thinks his money will purchafe. You know too your aunt's, Mrs. Heidelberg's, notions of the fplendor of high life, her contempt for every thing that does not relifh of what me calls Quality, and that from the yaft fortune in her hands, by her late hufband, fhe abfolutely governs Mr. Sterling and the whole family : now, if they mould come to the knowledge of this affair too abruptly, they might, perhaps, be incenfed beyond all hopes of reconciliation. Fanny. Bvt if they are made acquainted with it ptherwife tt[in by owrfelv*es, it will be ten times worfe : and a difcovery grows every day more pro- bable. The whole family have long fufpected our affection. We are alfo in the power of a foolifh maid-fervant ; and if we may even depend on her fidelity, we cannot anfwer for her difcretion. Dif- cover it therefore immediately,' left fome accident fhould bring it to light, and involve us in additional difgrace. Lovew. Well well I meant to difcover it foon, but would not do it too precipitately. I have more than once founded Mr. Sterling about it, and will attempt him more ferioufly the next opportunity. But my principal hopes are thefe. --My relationlhip B 3 to 6 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, to Lord Ogleby, and his having placed me with your father, have been, you know, the firft links in the chain of this connection between the two families ; in confequence of which, I am at prefent in high favour with all parties : while they all remain thus well-affected to me, I propofe to lay our cafe before the old Lord ; and if I can prevail on him to me- diate in this affair, I make no doubt but he will be able to appeafe your father ; and, being a lord and a man of quality, I am fure he may bring Mrs. Heidelberg into good-humour at any time. Let me beg you, therefore, to have but a little patience, as, you fee, we are upon the very eve of a difcovery, that muft probably be to our advantage. Fanny. Manage it your own way. I am per- fuaded. Lovcw. But in the mean time make yourfelf eafy. Fanny. As eafy as I can, I will. We had better not remain together any longer at prefent. Think of this bufmefs, and let me know how you proceed. Lovew. Depend oh my care ! But, pray, be chearful. Fanny. I will. As Jhe is going out? enter Sterling. Ster>. Hey-day ! who have we got h(_ .5 ? Fanny, [confufed.] Mr. Lovewell, Sir f Sterl. And where are you going, huffey ? Fanny. To my fitter's chamber, Sir ! [Exit. Sterl. Ah, Lovewell ! What ! always getting my foolifh girl yonder into a corner ? Well well let us but once fee her elder fifter faft-married to Sir John Melvil, we'll foon provide a good hufband for Fanny, I warrant you. Lovew. Wou'd to heaven, Sir, you would provide her one of my recommendation ! Sterl. Yourfelf? eh, Lovewell! Lovew. With your pleafure, Sir ! Sterl. Mighty well! Lcvew. ACOMEDY. 7 Lc"jew. And I flatter myfelf, that inch a propofai would not be very difagreeable to Mifs Fanny. Sterl. Better and better ! Lovew. And if I could but obtain your confent, Sir Sterl. What ! you marry Fanny ! no no that will never do, Lovewell ! You're a good boy, to b you have no compaflion for me no pity for us poor mortals in common life. Mifs Sterl. [afetfedly.] You ? You're above pity. You would not change conditions with me You're over head and ears in love, yon know. Nay, for that matter, if Mr. Lovewell and you come together, as I doubt not you will, you will live very com- fortably, I dare fay. He will mind his bufmefs you'll employ yourfelf in the delightful care of your family and once in a feaibn perhaps you'll fit toge- ther in a front-box at a benefit play, as we ufed to do at our dancing-matter's, you know and perhaps I may meet you in the fummer with fome other citi- zens at Tunbridge. For my parr, I mall always entertain a proper regard for my relations. You fha'n't want my countenance, I aflfure you. Fanny. Oh, you're too kind, fifter ! Enter Mrs. Heidelberg. Mrs. Heidel. [at entering.} Here this evening ! I vow and perteft we mall fcarce have time to provide for them Oh, my dear! [to Mifs SlerL] I am glad to fee you're not quite in a diih-abille. Lord Ogleby and Sir John Melvil will be here to-night. Mifs Sterl. To-night, Ma'am ? Mrs. Heidel. Yes, my dear, to-night. Do, put on a fmarter cap, and change thofe ordinary ruffles ! Lord, I have fuch a deal to do, J {hall fcarce have time to (lip on my Italian luteftrino;. Where is this dawdle of a houfekeeper ? [Enter Mrs. frufty.'] Oh, here, Trufty ! do you know that people of quality are expected here this evening ? Yrttfy. i 4 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, Trufty. Yes, Ma'am. Mrs. Heidel. Well Do you be fnre now that every thing is done in the moft genteeleft manner and to the honour of the famaly. Trufty. Yes, Ma'am. Mrs. Heidel. Well but mind what I fay to you, Trufty. Yes, Ma'am. Mrs. Heidel. His Lordfhip is to lie in the chintz bedchamber d'ye hear? And Sir John in the blue damafk room His Lordihip's valet-de-fhamb in the oppofite : Trufty. But Mr. Lovewell is come down and you know that's his room, Ma'am. Mrs. Heidel. Well well Mr. Love well may make fhift or get a bed at the George. But hark ye, Trufty ! Trufty. Ma'am \ Mrs. Heidel. Get the great dining-room in order as foon as poffable. Unpaper the curtains, take the civers off the couch and the chairs, and put the china figures on the mantle-piece immediately. Trufty. Yes, Ma'am. Mrs. Heidel. Be gone then ! fly, this inftant ! Where's my brother Sterling Trufty. Talking to the butler, Ma'am. Mrs. Heidel. Very well. [Exit Trufty.] Mifs Fanny ! I perteft I did not fee you before Lord, child, what's the matter with you ? Fanny. With me ? Nothing, Ma'am. Mrs. Heidel. Blefs me ! Why your face is as pale, and black, and yellow of fifty colours, I perteft. And then you have dreft yourfelf as loofe and as big I declare there is not fuch a thing to be feen now, as a young woman with a fine waift You all make your- fclves as round as Mrs. Deputy Barter. Go, child ! You know the qualaty will be here by and by Go, and make yourfelf a little more fit to be feen. [Exit Fanny.] She is gone away in tears abfolutely cry- ing, I vow and perteft. This ridicalous Love ! we muft A C O 'M E D Y. i$ muft put a flop to it. It makes a perfect nataral of the girl. Mifs Sterl. Poor foul ! fhe can't help it. [affeRedty. Mrs. Heidel. Well, my dear ! Now I mail have an opportoonity of convincing you of the abfurdity of what you was telling me concerning Sir John Mel- viPs behaviour to you. Mifs Sterl. Oh, it gives me no manner of uneafi- nefs. But, indeed, Ma'am, I cannot be perfuaded but that Sir John is an extremely cold lover. Such diftant civility, grave looks, and lukewarm profefiions of efteem for me and the whole family ! I have heard of flames and darts, but Sir John's is a paffion of mere ice and fnow. Mrs. Heidel. Oh, fie, my dear ! I am perfetly afhamed of you. That's ib like the notions of your poor lifter ! What you complain of as coldnefs and indifference, is nothing but the extreme gentilaty of his addrefs, an exact pictur of the manners of qua- laty. Mifs Sterl. Oh, he is the very mirror of complai- fance ! full of formal bows and fet fpeeches ! I de- clare, if there was any violent pallion on my fide, I mould be quite jealous of him. Mrs. Heidel. I fay jealus indeed Jealus of who, pray ? Mifs Sterl. My fitter Fanny. She feems a much greater favourite than I am, and he pays her infinite- ly more attention, I aflure you. Mrs. Heidel. Lord ! d'ye think a man of famion, as he is, can't diftinguifh between the genteel and the wulgar part of the famaly ? Between you and your lifter, for initance or me and my brother ? Be ad- vifed by me, child ! It is all puiitenefs and good- breeding. Nobody knows the qualaty better than I do. 'fs Sterl. In my mind the old lord, his uncle, has ten times more gallantry about him than Sir John. He is full of attentions to the ladies, and fmiles, i6 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, irniies, and grins, and leers, and ogles, and fills every wrinkle in his old wizen face with comical exprefiions of tendernefs. I think he would make an admirable Sweetheart. Enter Sterling. Sterl. [at entering.] No fim ? Why the pond was dragged but yefterday morning There's carp and tench in the boat. Fox on't, if that dog Lovewell had any thought, he wou'd have brought down a turbot, or fome of the land-carriage mackarel. Mrs. Heidel. Lord, brother, I am afraid his Lord- fhip and Sir John will not arrive while it is light. Sterl. I warrant you. But, pray, lifter Heidelberg, let the turtle be dreft to-morrow, and ibme venifon and let the gardener cut fome pine-apples and get out fome ice. I'll anfwer for wine, I warrant you I'll give them fuch a glafs of Champagne as they ne- ver drank in their lives no, not at a duke's table. Mrs. Heidel. Pray now, brother, mind how you behave. I am always in a fright about you with people of qualaty. Take care that you don't fall afleep direclly after fupper, as you commonly do. Take a good deal of fnuff ; and that will keep you awake And don't burft out with your horrible loud horfe-laughs. It is monftrous wulgar. Sterl. Never fear, fifter ! Who have we here ? Mrs. Heidel. It is Monf. Cantoon, the Swifh gentle- man, that lives with his Lordfhip, I vow and perteft. Enter Canton. Sterl. Ah, Mounfeer ! your fervant. I am very glad to fee you, Mounfeer. Canton. Mom oblige to Monf. Sterling. Ma'am, I am yours Matemoifelle, I am yours, [bowing round. Mrs. Heidel. Your humble fervant, Mr. Cantoon ! Canton. I kifs your hands, Matam ! Sterl. Well, Mounfeer ! and what news of your good family ! when are we to fee his Lordlhip and Sir John ? 2 Canton. A C O M E D Y. 17 Canton. Monf. Sterling ! Milor Ogelby and Sir Jean Melvile will be here in one quarter-hour. Sterl. I am glad to hear it. Mrs. Heidel. O, I am perdigious glad to hear it. Being fo late I was afeard of fome accident. Will you pleafe to have any thing, Mr. Cantoon, after your journey ? Canton. No, I tank you, Ma'am. Mrs. Heidel. Shall I go and fhew you the apart- ments, Sir ? Canton. You do me great honeur, Ma'am. Mrs. Heidel. Come then ! come, my dear! [/* Mifs Sterling.] {Exeunt. Manet Sterling. Sterl. Pox on't, it's almoft dark It will be too late to go round the garden this evening. However, I will carry them to take a peep at my fine canal at leaft, I am determined. [Exit. A C T II. S C E N E I. SCENE, an anti-chamber to Lord Ogleby'j bed- chamber Table with chocolate, and fmall cafe for medicines. Enter Brufti, my Lord's vakt-de-chambre^ and Sterling*.? chamber-maid. Erujh. TT'OU mall flay, my dear, I infill upon it. Ch. Maid. Nay, pray, Sir, don't be fo pofitive , I can't flay indeed. Brujh. You mail take one cup to our better ac- quaintance. Ch. Maid. I feldom drinks chocolate; and if I did, one has no fatisfaclion, with fuch apprehenfions about one if my Lord mould wake, or the Swifh gentle- maji mould fee one, or Madam Heidelberg Ihould C know i8 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, know of it, I fliould be frighted to death befides, I have had my tea already this morning I'm fure I hear my Lord. [in a fright. Brujh. No, no* Madam, don't flutter yourfelf the moment my Lord wakes, he rings his bell, which I aniwer iboner or later, as it fuits my conve- nience. Cb. Maid. But fliould he come upon us without ringing Brujb. I'll forgive him if he does This key [takes a phial cut of the cafe.] locks him up till I pleafe to let him out. Cb. Maid. Law, Sir ! that's potecary's fluff. Brujh. It is fo but without this he can no more get out of bed than he can read without fpectacles \Jips. ~\ What with qualms, age, rheumatifm, and a few furfeits in his youth, he muft have a great deal of bruming, oyling, fcrewing, and winding up to fet him a going for the day. Ch. Maid, [ftps.] That's prodigious indeed [ftps.] My Lord feems quite in a decay. Brujh. Yes, he's quite a fpeclacle, \Jips, ,] a mere corpfe, till he is reviv'd and refreih'd from our little magazine here When the reftorative pills, and cor- dial waters warm his ftomach, and get into his head, vanity frifks in his heart, and then he fets up for the lover, the rake, and the fine gentleman. Cb. Maid, \fips.] Poor gentleman ! but fliould the Swifh gentleman come upon us. [frightened. Brujh. Why then the Englifh gentleman would be very angry No foreigner muft break in upon my privacy. [Jips.'] But I can aflure you Monfieur Canton is otherwiie employ'd. He is oblig'd to fkim the cream of half a fcore news-papers for my Lord's breakfaft ha! ha! ha! Pray, Madam, drink your cup peaceably My Lord's chocolate is remarkably good, he won't touch a drop but what comes from Italy. A C O M E D Y. 19 Ch. Maid, [ftpping] 'Tis very fine indeed ! [ftps.] and charmingly perfum'd it fmells for all the world like our young ladies dreiFing-bo^'es. Brujh. You have an excellent tafte, Madam, and I muft beg of you to accept of a few cakes ior your own drinking, [fakes 'cm out of a drawer in the table.] and in return, I defire nothing but to tafte the per- fume of your lips [kifles her] A fmall return of favours, Madam, will make, I hope, this country, and retirement agreeable to both, [he bows, Jhe curtjies.] Your young ladies are fine girls, rakh : [ftps] tho', upon my ibul, I am quite of my old lord's mind about them, and were I inclined to ma- trimony, I mould take the youngeft. [fiP s Ch. Maid. Mifs Fanny's the moil afFableft and the moft bell nater'd creter ! Brufh. And the eldeft a little haughty or fo Ch. Maid. More haughtier and prouder than Saturn himfelf but this I lay quite confidential to you, for one would not hurt a young lady's marriage, you know. [fips? Brujh. By no means, but you can't hurt it with us we don't confider tempers we want money, Mrs. Nancy give us enough of that, we'll abate you a great deal in other particulars ha! ha! ha! Ch. Maid. Blefs me, here's fomebody [bell rings] O ! 'tis my Lord Well, your fervant, Mr. Brufh I'll clean the cups in the next room. Brujh. Do fo but never mind the bell I man't go this half hour. Will you drink tea with me in. the afternoon ? Ch. Maid. Not for the world, Mr. Brum I'll be here to fet all things to rights - but I muft not drink tea indeed and fo your iervant. [Exit Maid with tea- [Bell rings again] board. Brujh. It is impoflible to ftupify one's felf in the country for a week without fome little flirting with the Abigails : this is much the handfomeft wench in the houfe, except the old citizen's youngeft C 2 daughter, 10 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, daughter, and I have not time enough to lay a plan for Her [bell rings.'} And now I'll go to my Lord, for I have nothing elfe to do. [going. Enter Canton with news-papers in his hand. Cant. Monfieur Brufh Maiftre Brufh My Lor ftirra yet ? Brujh. He has juft rung his bell lam goingtohim. 'Cant. Depechez vous done. [Exit Brufh. [puts on fpe flacks.] I wifh the Deviel had all defe papiers I forget as faft as I read De Advertife put out of my head de Gazette, de Gazette de Chronique, and fo dey all go Pun apres Pautre I muft get fome nouvelle for my Lor, or he'll be en- rage centre moi Voyons! [reads in the papers. ,~| Here is nothing but Anti-Sejanus & advertiie Enter Maid with chocolate things. Vat you vant, child ? Ch. Maid. Only the chocolate things, Sir. Cant. O ver well dat is good girl and ver prit too ! [Exit Maid. Lord Ogleby within. Lord Ogle. Canton, he, he [cGughs.] Canton ! Cant. I come, my Lor vat fliall I do ? I have no news- -He will make great tintamarre ! Lord Ogle, [within.'} Canton, I fay, Canton ! "Where are you ? Enter Lord Ogleby leaning on Brufti. Cant. Here, my Lor j I afk pardon, my Lor, I have not finim de papiers Lord Ogle. Dem your pardon, and your papiers I want you here, Canton. Cant. Den I run, dat is z\\ \Jhuffles along Lord Ogleby leans upon Canton too, and comes forward. Lord Ogle. You Swifs are the moft unaccountable mixture you have the language and the imperti- nence of the French, with the lazineis of Dutchmen. A C O M E D Y. 21 Cant. *Tis very true, my Lor I can't help Lord Ogle, [cries out.'] O Diavolo ! Cant. You are not in pain, I hope, my Lor. Lord Ogle. Indeed but I am, my Lor That vul- gar fellow Sterling, with his city politenefs, would force me down his dope laft night to fee a clay-colour'd ditch, which he calls a canal ; and what with the dew, and the eaft-wind, my hips and moulders are abfo- lutely fcrew'd to my body. Cant. A littel veritable eau d'arquibufade vil fct all to right again [my Lord fits down, Brufh gives chocolate. Lord Ogle. Where are the palfy-drops, Brufh ? Brufh. Here, my Lord ! {^pouring out. Lord Ogle. Quelle nouvelle avez vous, Canton ? Cant. A great deal of papier, but no news at all. Lord Ogle. What ! nothing at all, you ftupid fellow ? Cant. Yes, my Lor, I have little advertife here vil give you more plaifir den aU de lyes about nothing at all. La voila ! [puts on bis fpeftacks. Lord Ogle. Come read it, Canton, with good em- phafis, and good difcretion. Cant. I vil, my Lor. -[Cant. reads.~\ Dere is no queftion, but that the Cofmetique Royale vil utterlie take away all heats, pimps, frecks & oder eruptions of de fkin, and likewife de wrinque of old age, &fV. &c. A great deal more, my Lor be fure to afk for de Cofmetique Royale, figned by de Do&eur own hand Dere is more raifon for dis caution dan good men vil tink Eh bien, my Lor ! LordOgle. Ehbien, Canton! Will you purchafeany? Cant. For you, my Lor ? Lord Ogle. For me, you old puppy ! for what ? Cant. My Lor ? Lord Ogle. Do I want cofmeticks ? Cant. My Lor ? Lord Ogle. Look in my face come, be fincere. " Does it want the affiftance of art ? C 3 Canf t 22 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, Cent, [with bis fpefiacles.] En verite non. 'Tis very imoofe and brillian but I tote dat you might take a like by way of prevention. Lord Ogle. You thought like an old fool, Monfieur, as you gjeneiY/lly do The forfeit-water, Brufh ! [Brufh pours out.'} What do you think, Brufh, of this family, we are going to be connected with ? Eh ! Brujh. Very well to marry in, my Lord j but it would not do to live with. Lord Ogk. You are right, Brufh There is no warn- ing the Blackamoor white Mr. Sterling will never get rid of Black-Fryars, always tafle of the Borachio and the poor woman his filler is fo bufy and fo notable, to make one welcome, that I have not yet got over her firft reception ; it almofl amounted to iuftbcation ! I think the daughters are tolerable Where's my cephalick fnuff? [Brufh gives him a lax. Cant. Dey tink fo of you, my Lor, for dey look at noting elfe, ma foi. Lord Ogk. Did they ? Why, I think they did a lit- tleWhere's my glafs ? [Er\^hputs one on the table.'] The youngeft is delectable. \takes fxuf. Cant, O, ouy, my Lor very delect, inteed ; fhe made doux yeux at you, my Lor. Lord Ogle. She was particular- the eldeft, my ne- phew's lady, will be a mofb valuable wife -, (lie has all the vulgar fpirits of her father, and aunt, happily blended with the termagant qualities of her deceafed mother. Some pepper-mint water, Brufh ! How happy is it, Cant, for young ladies in general, that people of quality overlook every thing in a marriage contract, but their fortune ! Cant. Ceft bien heureux, et commode auffi. Lord Ogle. Brufh, give me that pamphlet by my bed-fide "-[Brufh goes for it.~] Canton, do you wait in the anti-chamber, and let nobody interrupt me till I call you. Cant. Mufli goot may do your Lordfhip ! A C O M E D Y. 23 Lord Ogle. [to Brufh, ivfo brings the pamphlet.] And now, Bruih, leave me a little to my ftudies. [Exit Brufh, Lord Ogleby alone. What can I poflibly do among thefe women here, with this confounded rheumatifm ? It is a mod grievous enemy to gallantry and addrefs [g?/j off his chair, j He ! Courage, my Lor ! by heav'ns, I'm another creature- [hums and dances a little.'} It will do, faith Bravo, my Lor ! thefe girls have abfolutely infpir'd me If they are for a game of romps Me voila pret ! [fmgs and dances.'} O that's an ugly twinge but it's gone. I have rather too much of the lily this morning in my complexion; a faint tincture of the rofe will give a delicate (pint to my eyes for the day. [un- locks a drawer at the bottom of the glafs, and takes out rouge ; while he's painting himfelf^ a knocking at the door.] Who's there ? I won't be difturb'd. Canton, [without.'] My Lor, my Lor, here is Mon- fieur Sterling to pay his devoir to you this morn in your chambre. Lord Ogle, [foftly.] What a fellow \~[aZoud.~\ I am extremely honour'd by Mr. Sterling Why don't YOU fee him in, Monfieur ! I wifh he was at the bottom of his ftinking canal [door opens.'] Oh, my dear Mr. Sterling, you do me a great deal of honour. Enter Sterling, and Lovewell. Sterl. I hope, my Lord, that your Lordfhip flept well in the night- I believe there are no better beds in Europe than 1 have I fpare no pains to get 'em, nor money to buy 'em His Majefty, God blefs him, don't fleep upon a better out of his palace ; and if I had laid in too, I hope no treafon, my Lord. Lord Ogle. Your beds are like every thing elfe about you, incomparable! They not only make one reft well, but give one fpirits, Mr. Sterling. Sterl. What fay you then, my Lord, to another walk in the garden ? You muft fee my water by day- light, ajjdmy walks, and my flopes, and my clumps, C 4 and 24 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, and my bridge, and my flow'ring trees, and my bed of Dutch tulips Matters look'd but dim laft night, my Lord , I feel the dew in my great toe but I would 1 put on a cut fhoe, that I might be able to walk you about I may be laid up to-morrow. Lord Ogle. I pray heaven you may ! \afide, Sterl. What iky you, my Lord ! Lord Ogle. I was faying, Sir, that I was in hopes of feeing the young ladies at breakfaft : Mr. Sterling, they are, in my mind, the fineft tuleps in this part of the world he ! he ! Cant. Braviffimo, my Lor ! ha ! ha ! he ! Sterl. They mail meet your Lordihip in the garden we won't lofe our walk for them ; I'll lake you a little round before breakfaft, and a larger before dinner, and in the evening you mail go the Grand Tower, as I call it, ha ! ha ! ha ! Lord Ogle. Not a foot, I hope, Mr. Sterling con- fider your gout, my good friend You'll certainly be laid by the heels for your politenefs he ! he ! he ! Cant. Ha! ha! ha! 'tis admirable! en verite! [laughing very heartily, Sterl. If my young man [to Lovewell.] here, would but laugh at my jokes, which he ought to do, as Mounfeer does at yours, my Lord, we mould be all life and mirth. Lord Ogle. What fay you, Cant, will you take my kinfman into your tuition ? you have certainly the moft companionable laugh I ever met with, and never put of tune. Cant. But when your Lordfhip is out of fpirits. Lord Ogle. Well faid, Cant. !r--but here comes my nephew, to. play his part. Enter 'Sir John Melvil. Well, Sir John, what news from the ifland of Love ? Jiave you been fighing and ferenading this morning? Sir John. I am glad to fee your Lordfhip in fuch John. I am glad to fee your Lordihip Lord fpirits phis morning. A C O M E D Y. 25 Lord Ogle. I'm forry to fee you fo dull, Sir What poor things, Mr. Sterling, thefe very young fellows are ! they make love with faces, as if they were burying the dead though, indeed, a marriage fome- times may be properly called a burying of the living eh, Mr. Sterling ? SterL Not if they have enough to live upon, my Lord Ha! ha! ha! Cant. Dat is all Monfieur Sterling tink of. Sir John. Prithee, Lovewell, come with me into the garden ; I have fomething of confequence for you, and I muft communicate it dire&ly. Love. We'll go together If your I ordfhip and Mr. Sterling pleafe, we'll pre- pare the ladies to attend you in the garden. [Exeunt Sir John, and Lovewell. SterL My girls are always ready, I make 'em rife foon and to-bed early j their hufbands mall have 'em with good conftitutions, and good fortunes, if they have nothing elfe, my Lord. Lord Ogle. Fine things, Mr. Sterling ! SterL Fine things, indeed, my Lord ! Ah, my Lord, had not you run off your fpeed in your youth, you had not been fo crippled in your age, my Lord. Lord Ogle. Very pleafant, I proteft, he, he, he. . [half laughing. SterL Here's Mounfeer now, I fuppofe, is pretty near your Lordfhip's ftanding ; but having little to eat, and little to fpend, in his own country, he'll wear three of your Lordfhip out eating and drink- ing kills us all. Lord Ogle. Very pleafant, I proteft What a vul- gar dog ! \afede. Cant. My Lor fo old as me ! He is fhicken to me and look like a boy to pauvre me. SterL Ha! ha! ha! Wellfaid, Mounfeer keep to that, and you'll live in any country of the world- - Ha! ha! ha! But, my Lord, I will wait upon you into the garden : we have but a little time to break - faft 26 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, faft I'll go for my hat and cane, fetch a little walk with you, my Lord, and then for the hot rolls and butter ! [Exit Sterling. Lord Ogle. I mall attend you with pleafure Hoc rolls and butter, in July ! I fweat with the thoughts of it What a ftrange bead it is ! Cant. C'eft un barbare. Lord Ogle. He is a vulgar dog, and if there was not fo much money in the family, which I can't do with- out, I would leave him and his hot rolls and butter directly Come along, Monfieur ! [Exeunt Lord Ogelby and Canton. Scene changes to the garden. Enter Sir John Melvil, and Love well. Lovaw. In my room this morning ? ImpofTible. Sir John. Before five this morning, I promife you. Lovew. On what occafion ? Sir John. I was fo anxious to difclofe my mind to you, that I could not fleep in my bed but I found that you could not fleep neither The bird was flown, and the neft long fince cold. Where was you, Lovewell ? Lovew. Pooh ! prithee ! ridiculous ! Sir John. Come now ! which was it ? Mifs Ster- ling's maid ? a pretty little rogue ! or Mifs Fanny's Abigail ? a fweet foul too ! or Lovew. Nay, nay, leave trifling, and tell me your bufmefs. Sir John. Well, but where was you, Lovewell ? Lovew. Walking writing what fignifies where I was ? Sir John. Walking! yes, I dare fay. It rained as hard as it could pour. Sweet refrelhing mowers to walk in! No, no, Lovewell. Now would I give twenty pounds to know which of the maids Lovew. But your bufmefs ! your buSneis, Sir John ! Sir A C O M E D Y. 27 Sir John. Let me a little into the fecrets of the family. Lovew. Pma ! Sir John. Poor Lovewell, he can't bear it, I fee. She charged you not to kifs and tell. Eh, Lovewell! However, though you will not honour me with your confidence, I'll ventufe to truft you with mine. - "What d'ye think of Mifs Sterling ? Lovew. What do I think of Mifs Sterling ? Sir Jcbn. Ay ; what d'ye think of her ? Lovew. An odd queftion ! but I think her a fmart, lively girl, full of mirth and fprightlinefs. Sir John. All mifchief and malice, I doubt. Loveix. How ? Sir John. But her perfon what d'ye think of that? Lovew. Pretty and agreeable. Sir Jcbn. A little grifette thing. Lovew. What is the meaning of all this ? Sir John. I'll tell you. You muft know, Love- well, that notwithflanding all appearances [feeing JL0tt/Ogleby, 6?r.] We are interrupted When they are gone, I'll explain. Enter Lord Ogleby, Sterling, Mrs. Heidelberg, Mifs Sterling, and Fanny. Lord Ogle. Great improvements indeed, Mr. Ster- ling ! wonderful improvements ! The four feafons in lead, the flying Mercury, and the bafm with Neptune in the middle, are all in the very extreme of fine tafte. You have as many rich figures as the man at Hyde-Park Corner. Steri The chief pleafure of a country houfe is to make improvements, you know, my Lord. I fpare no expence, not I. This is quite another-guefs fort of a place than it was when I firft took it, my Lord. We were furrounded with trees. I cut down above fifty to make the lawn before the houie, and let in the wind and the fun fmack-imooth as you fee. "-T!ieii I made a green-houfe out of the old laundry, and 2$ THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, and turned the brew-houfe into a pinery. The high octagon fummer-houfe, you fee yonder, is raifed on the maft of a fhip, given me by an Eaft-India cap- tain, who has turned many a thoufand of my money. It commands the whole road. All the coaches and chariots, and chaifes, pals and repafs under your eye. I'll mount you up there in the afternoon, my Lord. 'Tis the pleafanteft place in the world to take a pipe and a bottle, and fo you mail fay, my Lord. Lord Ogle. Ay or a bowl of punch, or a can of flip, Mr. Sterling ! for it looks like a cabin in the air. If flying chairs were in ufe, the captain might make a voyage to the Indies in it ftill, if he had but a fair wind. Canton. Ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! Mrs. Heidel. My brother's a little comacal in his ideas, my Lord ! But you'll excufe him.- -I have a little gothick dairy, fitted up entirely in my own tafte. In the evening I (hall hope for the honour of your Lordfhip's company to take a dim of tea there, or a iiiilabub warm from the cow. Lord Ogle. I have every moment a frem oppor- tunity of admiring the elegance of Mrs. Heidelberg the very flower of delicacy, and cream of polite- nefs. Mrs. Heidel. O my Lord!?, . ; ,, Lord Ogle. O Madam ! f**** ' eacb Other ' Sterl. How d'ye like thefe clofe walks, my Lord ? Lord Ogle. A moft excellent ferpentine ! It forms a perfect maze, and winds like a true lover's knot. Sterl. Ay here's none of your ftrait lines here but all tafte zig-zag crinkum-crankum in and put right and left to and again twifting and turn- ing like a worm, my Lord! Lord Ogle. Admirably laid out indeed, Mr. Ster- ling ! one can hardly fee an inch beyond one's nofe any where in thefe walks. You are a moft excellent ceconomift of your land, and make a little go a great way.- -It lies together in as fmall parcels as if it was placed A C O M E D Y. 29 placed in pots out at your window in Gracechurch- Srreet. Canton. Ha! ha! ha! ha! Lord Ogle. What d'ye laugh at, Canton ? Canton. Ah ! que cette fimilitude eft drole ! So clever what you fay, mi Lor ! Lord Ogle, [to Fanny.] You feem mightily en- gaged, Madam. What are thofe pretty hands fo bufily employed about ? Fanny. Only making up a nofegay, my Lord ! Will your Lordfliip do me the honour of accepting it ? [prefenting it. Lord Ogle. I'll wear it next my heart, Madam ! > I fee the young creature doats on me ! {apart. Mifs Sterl. Lord, Sifter ! you've loaded his Lord- fhip with a bunch of flowers as big as the cook or the nurfe carry to town on Monday morning for a beaupot. Will your Lordihip give me leave to pre- fent you with this rofe and a fprig of fweet-briar ? Lord Ogle. The trueil Emblems of yourfelf, Ma- dam ! all fweetnefs and poignancy. A little jealous, poor foul ! [apart. Sterl. Now, my Lord, if you pleafe, I'll carry you to fee my Ruins. Mrs. Heidel. You'll abfolutely fatigue his Lordfhip with overwalking, Brother ! Lord Ogle. Not at all, Madam ! We're in the garden of Eden, you know ; in the region of perpe- tual fpring, youth, and beauty, [leering at the women. Mrs. Heidel. Quite the man of qualaty, I perteft. [apart. Canton. Take a my arm, my Lor ! [Lord Ogleby leans on him. Sterl. I'll only (hew his Lordfhip my ruins, and the cafcade, and the Chinefe bridge, and then we'll go in to breakfaft. Lord Ogle. Ruins, did you fay, Mr. Sterling ? Sterl. Ay, ruins, my Lord ! and they are reckoned very fine ones too. You would think them ready to tumble 3 o THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, tumble on your head. It has juft coft me a hundred and fifty pounds to put my ruins in thorough repair. This way, if your Lordfhip pleafes. Lord Ogle, [going, ftops.] What fteeple's that we fee yonder ? the parifh-church, I fuppofe. Sterl. Ha ! ha ! ha ! that's admirable. It is no church at all, my Lord ! it is a fpire that I have built againft a tree, a field or two off, to terminate the profpect. One muft always have a church, or an obelifk, or a fomething, to terminate the profpect, you know. That's a rule in tafte, my Lord ! Lord Ogle. Very ingenious, indeed ! For my part, I defire no finer profpect, than this I fee before me. [leering at the womenJ] Simple, yet varied; bounded, yet extenfive. Get away, Canton ! [pu/hing away Canton.] I want no affiftance. I'll walk with the ladies. Sterl. This way, my Lord ! Lord Ogle. Lead on, Sir ! We young folks here will follow you. Madam ! Mifs Sterling I^Mifs Fanny ! I attend yoit. [Exit, after Sterling, gallanting the ladies. Canton, [following.'] He is cock o'de game, ma foy \ [Exit. Manent Sir John Melvil, and Lovewell. Sir John. At length, thank heaven, I have an opportunity to unbofom. I know you are faithful, Lovewell, and flatter myfelf you would rejoice to ferve me. Lovew. Be affured, you may depend on me. Sir John. You muft know then, notwithftanding all appearances, that this treaty of marriage between Mifs Sterling and me will come to nothing. Lovew. How ! Sir John. It will be no match, Lovewell. Lovew. No match ? Sir John. No. Lovew. You amaze me, What fhould prevent it ? Sir John. I. A C O M E D Y. Si You ! wherefore ? Sir John. I don't like her. Loveiv. Very plain indeed ! I never fuppofed that you was extremely devoted to her from inclination, but thought you always confidered it as a matter of convenience, rather than affection. Sir John. Very true. I came into the family with- out any impreffions on my mind with an unirn- paffioned indifference ready to receive one woman as foon as another. I looked upon love, ferious, fober love, as a chimsera, and marriage as a thing of courfe, as you know mod people do. But I, who was lately fo great an infidel in love, am now one of its fincereft votaries. In fhort, my defection from Mils Sterling proceeds from the violence of my attachment to another. Lo'vew. ' Another ! So ! fo ! here will be fine work. And pray who is me ? Sir John. Who is flie ! who can me be ? but Fanny, the tender, amiable, engaging Fanny. Lovew. Fanny ! What Fanny ? Sir John. Fanny Sterling. Her filler Is not fhc an angel, Lovewell ? Lovtw. Her fifter ? Confufion ! You muft not think of it, Sir John. Sir John. Not think of it ? I can think of nothing clfe. Nay, tell me, Lovewell ! was it poflible for me to be indulged in a perpetual intercourie with two fuch objects as Fanny and her fifter, and not find my heart led by infenfible attraction towards her ? You feem confounded Why don't you anfwer me ? Loveiv. Indeed, Sir John, this event gives me infinite concern. Sir John. Why fo ? Is not fhe an angel, Love- well ? Love. I forefee that it muft produce the worft confequences. Confider the conlufion it muft una- voidably create. Let me perfuade you to drop thefc thoughts in time, 4. Sir j 2 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, Sir John. Never never, Love well ! Lovew. You have gone too far to recede. A negotiation, fo nearly concluded, cannot be broken off with any grace. The lawyers, you know, are hourly expected ; the preliminaries almoft finally fettled between Lord Ogleby and Mr. Sterling ; and Mifs Sterling herfelf ready to receive you as a hufband. Sir John. Why the banns have been publiflied, and nobody has forbidden them, 'tis true. But you know either of the parties may change their minds even after they enter the church. Lovew. You think too lightly of this matter. To carry your addreffes fo far and then to defert her and for her fifter too ! It will be fuch an -affront to the family, that they can never put up with it. Sir John. I don't think fo : for as to my transfer- ring my pafiion from her to her fifter, fo much the better! for then, you know, I don't carry my af- fection out of the family. Lovew. Nay, but prithee be ferious, and think better of it. Sir John. I have thought better of it already, you Tee. Tell me honeftly, Lovewell ! Can you blame me ? Is there any comparifon between them ? Lovew. As to that now why that is juft juft as it may ftrike different people. There are many admirers of Mifs Sterling's vivacity. Sir John. Vivacity ! a medley of Cheapfide pert- nefs, and Whitechapel pride. No no, if I do go fo far into the city for a wedding-dinner, it mail be upon turtle at leaft. Lovew. But I fee no probability of fuccefs ; for granting that Mr. Sterling wou'd have confented to it at firil, he cannot liften to it now. Why did not you break this affair to the family before? Sir John. Under fuch embarraffed circumflances as I have been, can you wonder at my irrefolution or perplexity? Nothing but delpair, the fear of lofing my dear Fanny, cou'd bring me to a declaration even A C O M E D Y. 33 even now : and yet, I think, I know Mr. Sterling fo well, that, ftrange as my propofal may appear, if I can make it advantageous to him as a money-tranf- aftion, as I am fure I can, he will certainly come into it. Lovew. But even fuppofe he mould, which I very much doubt, I don't think Fanny herfelf wou'd liften to your addrefles. Sir John. You are deceived a little in that parti- cular. Lo-vew. You'll find I am in the right. Sir John. I have fome little reafon to think other- wife. Lo*vew. You have not declared your pafiion to her already ? Sir "John. Yes, I have. Levew. Indeed ! And and and how did fhe receive it ? Sir John. I think it is not very eafy for me to make my addreffes to any woman, without receiving fome little encouragement. Lovew. Encouragement ! did fhe give you any encouragement ? Sir John, I don't know what you call encourage- ment but fhe blufhed and cried and defired me not to think of it any more : upon which I preft her hand kitted it -fwore fhe was an angel and I cou'd fee it tickled her to the foul. Lcve-'jo. And did fhe exprefs no furprizc at your declaration ? Sir John. Why, faith, to fay the truth, fhe was a little furprized and fhe got away from me too, be- fore I cou'd thoroughly explain myfclf. If I fhould not meet with an opportunity of Ipeaking to her, I muft get you to deliver a letter from me. LG'VCW. I ! a letter ! I had rather have nothing Sir John. Nay, you promifed me your affiftance - and I am lure you cannot icruple to make yourfelf ufeful on fuch an occafion.---You may, without fuf- D picion, 34 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, picion, acquaint her verbally of my determined af- fection for her, and that I am refolved to alk her father's confent. Lcveiv. As to that, I your commands, you know -that is, if me Indeed, Sir John, I think you are in the wrong. Sir John. Well well that's my concern Ha ! there me goes, by heaven ! along that walk yonder, d'ye fee ? I'll go to her immediately. Lovew. You are too precipitate. Confider whatf you are doing. Sir John. I wou'd not lofe this opportunity for the univerfe. Lovevo. Nay, pray don't go ! Your violence and eagernefs may overcome her (pints. The mock will be too much for her. [detaining him. Sir John. Nothing mail prevent me. Ha! now me turns into another walk. Let me go ! [breaks from him.] I fhall lofe her. [going^ turns back.] Be fure now to keep out of the way ! If you interrupt us, I fhall never forgive you. [Exit haftily. Lovewell alone. 'Sdcath ! I can't bear this. In love with my wife ! acquaint me with his paflion for her ! make his ad- drefTes before my face ! I mail break out before my time. This was the meaning of Fanny's uneafmefs. She could not encourage him. I am fure me could not. Ha ! they are turning into the walk, and coming this way. Shall I leave the place ? Leave him to folicit my wife ! 1 can't fubmit to it. They come nearer and nearer If I flay, it will look fuf- picious It may betray us, and incenfe him They are here I muft go I am the moil unfortunate fel- low in the world. [Exit. Enter Fanny, find Sir John. Fanny. Leave me, Sir John, I befeech you leave me 1 nay, why will you perlift to follow me with idle A C O M E D Y. 35 idle felicitations, which are an affront to my cha- racter, and an injury to your own honour ? Sir John. I know your delicacy, and tremble to offend it : but let the urgency of the occafion be my excufe ! Confider, Madam, that the future happinefs of my life depends on my prefent application to you ! confider that this day muft determine my fate ; and thefe are perhaps the only moments left me to incline you to warrant my paffion, and to intreat you not to oppofe the propoials I mean to open to your father. Fanny. For fhame, for fhame, Sir John ! Think of your previous engagements ! Think of your own fituation, and think of mine ! What have you dif- covered in my conduct that might encourage you to fo bold a declaration ? I am mocked that you mould venture to fay fo much, and blufh that I mould even dare to give it a hearing. Let me be gone ! Sir John. Nay, ftay, Madam 1 but one moment Your lenfibility is too great. Engagements ! what engagements have even been pretended on either fide than thofe of family- convenience ? I v/ent on in the trammels of matrimonial negotiation with a blind D iubmifilon to your father and Lord Ogleby ; but my heart foon claimed a right to be confulted. It has devoted itfelf to you, and obliges me to plead ear- neftly for the fame tender interell in yours. Fanny. Have a care, Sir John ! do nor miflake a depraved will for a virtuous inclination. By thefe common pretences of the heart, half of our lex are made fools, and a greater part of yours defpife them for it. Sir Join. Affection, you will allow, is involuntary. We cannot always direct it to the object on which it mould fix But when it is once inviolably attached, inviolably as mine is to you, it often creates recipro- cal affection. When I laft urged you on this fubject, you heard me with more te'mper, and I hoped with lome compaffion. D 2 Fanny, 36 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, Fanny. You deceived yourfelf. If I forbore to exert a proper fpirit, nay if I did not even exprefs the quickeft reientment of your behaviour, it was only in coniideration of that refpect I wilh to pay you, in honour to my fitter : and be allured, Sir, woman as I am, that my vanity could reap no plea- iure from a triumph, that mutt refult from the black- eft treachery to her. [g* n g' Sir John. One word, and I have done, [flopping ber.~\ Your impatience and anxiety, and the urgency of the occafion, oblige me to be brief and explicit with you. I appeal therefore from your delicacy to your juftice. Your fitter, I verily believe, neither entertains any real affection for me, or tendernefs for you. Your father, I am inclined to think, is not much concerned by means of which of his daughters the families are united. Now as they cannot, mail not be connected, otherwife than by my union with you, why will you, from a falfe delicacy, oppofe a meafure fo conducive to my happinefs, and, I hope, your own ? I love you, moft paffionately and fm- cerely love you and hope to propofe terms agreeable to Mr. Sterling. If then you don't abfolutely loath, abhor, and fcorn me if there is no other happier man Fanny. Hear me, Sir, hear my final determina- tionWere my father and fitter as infenfible as you .are pleafed to reprefent them ; were my heart for ever to remain diiengaged to any other I could not liften to your propofals What ! You on the very eve of a marriage with my fitter ; I living under the fame roof with her, bound not only by the laws of friendfhip and hofpitality, but even the ties of blood, to contribute to her happinefs, and not to confpire againft her peace the peace of a whole family and that my own too ! Away ! away, Sir John ! At fuch a time, and in fuch circumftances, your addrefies only inlpire me with horror. Nay, you mutt detain me no longer. I will go. Sir A C O M E D Y. g; Sir John. Do not leave me in abfolute defpalr ! Give me a glimpfe of hope ! \_falling on bis knees. Fanny. I cannot. Pray, Sir John ! \Jlruggling to go. Sir John. Shall this hand be given to another ? [kijfing her hand.] No. I cannot endure it. My whole foul is yours, and the whole happinefs of my Jjfe is in your power, Enter Mifs Sterling. Fanny. Ha! my filter is here. Rife for fhame, Sir John ! Sir John. Mifs Sterling ! [fifing. Mifs Sterl. I beg pardon, Sir ! You'll excufe me, Madam' I have broke in upon you a little unoppor- tunely, I believe But I did not mean to interrupt you I only came, Sir, to let you know that break- faft waits, if you have finilhed your morning's devo- tions. Sir John. I am very fenfible, Mifs Sterling, that this may appear particular, but Mifs Sterl. O dear, Sir John, don't put yourfelf to the trouble of an apology. The thing explains itfelf. Sir John. It will foon, Madam ! In the mean time, I can only afilire you of my profound refpecl: and efleem for you, and make no doubt of convincing Mr. Sterling of the honour and integrity of my intentions. And and your humble fervant, Ma- dam ! [Exit in confufion. Manent Fanny, and Mifs Sterling. Mifs Sterl. Refpeft ? Infolence ! Efteem ? Very fine truly ! And you, Madam ! my fweet, delicate, innocent, fentimental fifter ! will you convince my papa too of the integrity of your intentions ? Fanny. Do not upbraid me, my dear fifter ! Indeed, I don't deferve it. Believe me, you can't be more offended at his behaviour than I am, and I am fure if cannot make you half fo miferable. D 3 Mifs ^ Q ^ S 3 3 S THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, * Mifs Sterl. Make me miferable ! You are mightily deceived, Madam ! It gives me no fort of uneafmefs, I afliire you. A bafe fellow ! As for you, Mifs 1 the pretended foftnels of your difpofition, your artful good-nature, never impoied upon me. I always knew you to be fly, and envious, and deceitful. Fanny. Indeed you wrong me. Mifs Sterl. Oh, you are all goodnefs, to be fure ! Did not I find him on his knees before you ? Did not I fee him kifs your fweet hand? Did not I hear his proteftations ? Was not I witnefs of your dif- iembled modefty ? No -no, my dear! don't imagine that you can make a fool of your elder fifter ib eafily, Fanny. Sir John, I own, is to blame ; . but I am above the thoughts of doing you the leaft injury. Mifs. Sterl. We mall try that, Madam ! I hope, Mifs, you'll be able to give a better account to my papa and my aunt for they mail both know of this matter, I promife you. [Exit. Fanny alone. How unhappy I am ! my diftrefies multiply upoq me. Mr. Lovewell muft now become acquainted with Sir John's behaviour to me, and in a manner that may add to his uneafmefs. My father, inftead of being difpofed by fortunate circumftances to for- give any tranfgrefiion, will be previoufly incenfed againft me. My fifter and my aunt will become irreconcilably my enemies, and rejoice in my difgrace. Yet, on all events, I am determined on a difcovery/ I dread it, and am reiblved to haften it. It is fur- rounded with more horrors every inilant, as it ap- pears every inftant more necefiary. ACT A C O M E D Y. 59 ACT III. SCENE I. A Ml JLntcr a fervant leading in Serjeant Flower, and Coun- fellors Traverfe and Trueman all booted. Servant. '"T"^ HIS way, if you pleafe, gentlemen ! J[_ my matter is at breakfaft with the fa- mily at prefent but I'll let him know, and he will wait on you immediately. Flower. Mighty well, young man, mighty well. Servant. Pleafe to favour me with your names. Flower. Let Mr. Sterling know, that Mr. Serjeant Flower, and two other gentlemen of the bar, are come to wait on him according to his appointment. Servant. I will, Sir. [going. Flower. And harkee, young man ! [fervanf re- turns.'} Defire my fervant Mr. Serjeant Flower's fervant -to bring in my green and gold faddle-cloth and piflols, and lay them down here in the hall with my portmanteau. Servant. I will, Sir. [Exit. Mamnt Lawyers. Flower, Well, gentlemen ! the fettling thefe mar- riage articles falls conveniently enough, almoft juft on the eve of the circuits. Let me fee the Home, the Midland, and Weftern, ay, we can all crofs the country well enough to our feveral deflinations. Traverfe, when do you begin at Hertford ? 'Traverfe. The day after to-morrow. Flower. That is a commiflion-day with us at War- wick too. But my clerk has retainers for every caufe in the paper, fo it will be time enough if I am there the next morning. Befides, I have about half a dozen cates that have lain by me ever fmce the fpring aflizes, and I muft tack opinipns to them D 4 before 40 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, before I fee my country clients again ib I will take the evening before me- and then currents calamo, as I fay eh, Traverfe ! Traverfe. True, Mr. Serjeant and the eafieft thing in the world too for thofe country attornies are fuch ignorant dogs, that in cafe of the devife of an. eftate to A. and his heirs for ever, they'll make a query, whether he takes in fee or in tail. Flower. Do you exped to have much to do on the Home circuit thefe affizes ? Traverfe. Not much nifi -prius bufmefs, but a good deal on the crown fide, I believe.- The gaols are brimfull and fome of the felons in good circum- ftances, and likely to be tolerable clients. Let me fee ! I am engaged for three highway robberies, two murders, one forgery, and half a dozen larcenies, at Kingfton. Flower. A pretty decent gaol-delivery ! Do you expect to bring off Darkin, for the robbery on Put' ney-Common ? Can you make out your alibi ? Traverfe. Oh no ! the crown witnefles are fure to. prove our identity. We mall certainly be hanged : but that don't fignify. But, Mr. Serjeant, have you much to do ? any remarkable caufe on the Midland this circuit ? Flower. Nothing very remarkable, except two rapes, and Rider and Weftern at Nottingham, for crim. con. but, on the whole, 1 believe a good deal of bufmefs. Our afibciate tells me, there are above thirty venires for Warwick. Traverfe. Pray, Mr. Serjeant, are you concerned in Jones and Thomas at Lincoln ? Flower. I am for the plaintiff. Traverfe. And what do you think on't 1 Flower. A nonfuit. Traverfe. I thought fo. Flower. Oh, no manner of doubt on't htcc cla- rJus, we have no right in us we have but one chance. Tra- A , C O M E D Y. 41 Travcrfe. What's that ? Flower. Why, my Lord Chief does not go the circuit this time, and my brother Puzzle being in the commifiion, the caufe will come on before him. True-man. Ay, that may do, indeed, if you can but throw duft in the eyes of the defendant's counfel. Flower. True. Mr. Trueman, I think you are concerned for Lord Ogleby in this affair? [to Trueman. Trueman. I am, Sir I have the honour to be re- lated to his Lordlhip, and hold ibme courts for him in Somerietihire go the Weflern circuit and at- tend the fefflons at Exeter, merely becaule his Lord- fhip's intereft and property lie in that part of the kingdom. Flower. Ha ! and pray, Mr. Trueman, how long have you been called to the bar ? Trueman. About nine years and three quarters. Flower. Ha ! I don't know that I ever had the pleafure of feeing you before. I wifh you fuccefs, young gentleman ! Enter Sterling. Sterl. Oh, Mr. Serjeant Flower, I am glad to fee you Your fervant, Mr. Serjeant ! gentlemen, your lervant ! Well, are all matters concluded ? Has that fnail-paced conveyancer, old Ferret of Gray's Jnn, fettled the articles at laft ? Do you approve of what he has done ? Will his tackle hold ? tight and ftrong ? Eh, matter Serjeant ? Flower. My friend Ferret's flow and fure, Sir- But* then, ferius aut citius^ we fay, fooner or later, Mr. Sterling, he is fure to put his bufmefs out of hand as he mould do. My clerk has brought the writings, and all other inftruments along with him, and the fettlement is, I believe, as good a fettlement as any fettlement on the face of the earth ! Sterl. But that damn'd mortgage of 60,000 /. There don't appear to be any other incumbrances, J hope ? 42 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, tfraverfe. I can anfvver for that, Sir and that Will be cleared off immediately on the payment of the firft part of Mifs Sterling's portion, You agree, on your part, to come down with 8 0,000 /. Sterl. Down on the nail. Ay, ay, my money is ready to-morrow if he pleafes he {hall have it in- India bonds, or notes, or how he chufes. Your jords, and your dukes, and your people at the court-end of the town flick at payments fometimes debts unpaid, no credit loft with them but no fear of us fubftantial fellows eh, Mr. Serjeant ! Flower. Sir John having laft term, according to agreement, levied a fine, and fuffered a recovery, has thereby cut off the entail of the Ogleby cftate for the better effecting the pnrpofes of the preient intended marriage ; "on which above-mentioned Ogleby eflate, a jointure of 2000 /. per ann. is fecured to your eldeft daughter, now Elizabeth Sterling, fpinfter, and the whole eflate, after the death of the aforefaid Earl, defcends to the heirs male of Sir John Melvil, on the body of the aforefaicj Elizabeth Sterling lawfully to be begotten. Traverfe. Very true and Sir John is to be put immediate pofiefllon of as much of his Lordfhip's Somerfetmire eftate, as lies in the manors of Hog' more and Cranford, amounting to between two and three thoufand per ann. and at the death 1 of Mr. Sterling, a further fum of feventy thoufand Enter Sir John Melvil. Sterl. Ah, Sir John ! Here we are hard at it paving the road to matrimony Firft the lawyers, then comes the doctor Let us but difpatch the long- robe, we mail foon get pudding-fleeves to work, I warrant you. Sir John. 1 am forry to interrupt you, Sir but I hope that both you and thefe gentlemen will excufe me having fomething very particular for your private ear, I took the liberty of following you, and beg A C O M E D Y. 43 beg you will oblige me wi;h an audience immedi- ately. Stcrl. Ay, with all my heart ! Gentlemen, Mr. Serjeant, you'll excufe it Bufinefs muft be done, you know. The writings will keep cold till to-mor- row morning. Flower. I muft be at Warwick, Mr. Sterling, the day after. Sterl. Nay, nay, I {han't part with you to-night, gentlemen, I promife you. My houfe is very full, but I have beds for you all, beds for your iervants, and (tabling for all your horfes. Will you take a turn in the garden, and view fome of my improve- ments before dinner r Or will you amufe yourfelves on the green with a game of bowls and a cool tankard ? My fcrvants mail attend you Do you chufe any other refreihment ? Call for what you pleafe ; do as you pleafe , make yourfelves quite at home, 1 beg of you. Here, Thomas ! Harry ! William ! wait on thefe gentlemen ! [follows the lawyers cut^ bawling and talking, and then returns to Sir John.'] And now, Sir, I am entirely at your fervice. What are your commands with me, Sir John ? Sir John. After having carried the negotiation between our families to fo great a length, after having affented fo readily to all your propofals, as well as received fo many inftances of your chearful compli- ance with the demands made on our part, I am ex- tremely concerned, Mr. Sterling, to be the involun- tary caufe of any uneafinefs. Sterl. Uneafinefs ! what uneafinefs ! Where bufi- nefs is tranfacted as it ought to be, and the parties underftand one another, there can be no uneafinefs. You agree, on fuch and fuch conditions, to receive my daughter for a wife j on the fame conditions I agree to receive you as a fon-in-law -, and as to all the reft, it follows of courfe, you know, as regularly as the payment of a bill after acceptance. Sir 44 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, Sir John. Pardon me, Sir; more uneafinefs has arifen than you are aware of. I am myfelf, at this inftant, in a ftate of inexpreffible embarraffment -, Mifs Sterling, I know, is extremely difconcerted too -, and unlefs you will oblige me with the afliftance of your friendmip, I forefee the fpeedy progrets of dif- content and animofity through the whole family. Sterl. What the deuce is all this ? I don't under- {land a fingle fyllable. Sir John. In one word then it will be abfolutely impoflible for me to fulfil my engagements in regard to Mils Sterling. Sterl. How, Sir John ! Do you mean to put an affront upon my family ? What ! refufe to Sir John. Be affured, Sir, that I neither mean to affront, nor forlake your family. My only fear is, that you mould defert me ; for the whole happinefs of my life depends on my being connected with your family by the neareft and tendered ties in the world. Sterl. Why, did not you tell me, but a moment ago, that it was abfolutely impoffible for you to marry my daughter ? Sir John. True. But you have another daughter, Sir Sterl. Well ! Sir John. Who has obtained the mod abfolute dominion over my heart. I have already declared my paffion to her ; nay, Mifs Sterling herfelf is alfq apprized of it, and if you will but give a fanction to my prefent addrefles, the uncommon merit of Mifs Sterling will no doubt recommend her to a perfori of equal, if not fuperior rank to myfelf, and our families may ftill be allied by my union with Mifjj Fanny. Sterl. Mighty fine, truly ! Why, what the plague do you make of us, Sir John ? Do you come to market for my daughter, like fervants at a ftatute- fair ? Do you think that I will fuffer you, or any man in the world, to come into my houfe, like the Grand A C O M E D Y. 45 Grand Signior, and throw the handkerchief firft to one, and then to t'other, juft as he pleafes ? Do you think I drive a kind of African flave-trade with them ? and Sir John. A moment's patience, Sir ! Nothing but the excefs of my pafiion for Mils Fanny fhou'd have induced me to take any flep that had the leaft appear- ance of any difrefpeft to any part of your family ; and even now I am defirous to atone for my tranlgrefilon, by making the mod adequate compenfation that lies In my power. Sterl. Compenfation ! what compenfation can you poffibly make in fiich a cafe as this, Sir John ? Sir John. Come, come, Mr. Sterling , I know you to be a man of fenfe, a man of bufmefs, a man of the world. I'll deal frankly with you ; and you mall fee that I don't defire a change of meafures for my own gratification, without endeavouring to make it advantageous to you. Sterl. What advantage can your inconftancy be to me, Sir John ? Sir John. I'll tell you, Sir. You know that by the articles at prefent fubfifting between us, on the day of my marriage with Mils Sterling, you agree to pay down the grofs fum of eighty thoufand pounds. Sterl. Well! Sir John. Now if you will but confent to my waving that marriage Sferl. I agree to your waving that marriage ? Im- poftible, Sir John ! Sir John. I hope not, Sir ; as on my part, I will agree to wave my right to thirty thoufand pounds of the fortune I was to receive with her. Sterl. Thirty thoufand, d'ye fay ? Sir John. Yes, Sir ; and accept of Mifs Fanny with fifty thoufand, inftead of fourfcore. Sterl. Fifty thoufand [paufing. Sir John. Inftead of fourfcore. Storh 46 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, Sterl. Why, why, there may be fomething in that. Let me fee ; Fanny with fifty thoufand inftead of Betfey with fourfcore But how can this be, Sir John ? For^you know I am to pay this money into the hands of my Lord Ogleby; who, I believe- between you and me, Sir John, is not overflocked with ready money at prefent , and threefcore thou- fand of it, you know, is to go to pay off the prefent incumbrances on the eflate, Sir John. Sir John. That objection is eafily obviated. Ten of the twenty thoufand, which would remain as a iurplus of the fourfcore, after paying off the mort- gage, was intended by his Lordfhip for my uie, that we might fet off with fome little eclat on our mar- riage ; arrd the other ten for his own. Ten thoufand pounds, therefore, I mall be able to pay you imme- diately ; and for the remaining twenty thoufand, you fhall have a mortgage on that part of the eftate which is to be made over to me, with whatever fecurity you fhall require for the regular payment of the intereft, till the principal is duly difchafged. Sterl. Why to do you juftice, Sir John, there is fomething fair and open in your propofal , and fmcc I find you do not mean to put an affront upon the family Sir John. Nothing was ever farther from my thoughts, Mr. Sterling. And after all, the whole affair is nothing extraordinary fuch things happen every day and as the world has only heard generally of a treaty between the families, when this marriage takes place, nobody will be the wifer, if we have buc difcretion enough to keep our own counfel. Sterl. True, true-, and fince you only transfer from one girl to the other, it is no more than transferring fo much ftock, you know. Sir John. The very thing. Sterl. Odfo I I had quite forgot. We are reckon- ing without our hofc here. There is another diffi- culty 5 Sir A C O M E D Y. 47 Sir John. You alarm me. What can that be ? Sterl. I can't flir a ftep in this bufmefs without confulting my fifter Heidelberg. The farrtily has very great expectations from her, and we muft not give her any offence. Sir John. But if you come into this meafure, furely Ihe will be fo kind as to confent Sterl. I don't know that Betfey is her darling, and I can't tell how far me may refent any flight that feems to be offered to her favourite niece. However, I'll do the beft I can for you. You mail go and break the matter to her firft, and by that time that I may fuppofe that your rhetoric has prevailed on her to liften to reafon, I will ftep in to reinforce your arguments. Sir John. I'll fly to her immediately : you promife me your affiftance ? Sterl. I do. Sir John. Ten thoufand thanks for it! and now fuccefs attend me ! [gowg Sterl. Harkee, Sir John ! Sir John returns. Sterl. Not a word of the thirty thoufand to my fifter, Sir John. Sir John. Oh, I am dumb, I am dumb, Sir, Sterl. You remember it is thirty thoufand. Sir John. To be fure I do. Sterl. But Sir John ! one thing more. [Sir John retur>is.~\ My Lord muft know nothing of this ftroke of friendfhip between us. Sir John. Not for the world. Let me alone ! let me alone ! [offering to go. Sterl. [holding him.'] And when every thing is agreed, we muft give each other a bond to be held fall to the bargain. Sir John. To be fure. A bond by all means ! a bond, or whatever you pleafe. [Exit haftily. Sterling Sterling alone. I fliould have thought of more conditions he's in a humour to give me every thing Why, what mere children are your fellows of quality ; that cry for a play-thing one minute, and throw it by the next ! as changeable as the weather, and as uncertain as the flocks.' Special fellows to drive a bargain ! and yet they are to take care of the intereft of the nation, truly ! Here does this whirligig man of fafhion offer to give up thirty thoufand pounds in hard money, with as much indifference as if it was a china-orange. By this mortgage, I fhall have a hold on his Terra- firma^ and if he wants more money, as he certainly will, let him have children by my daughter or no, I mail have his whole eftate in a net for the benefit of my family. Well ; thus it is, that the children of citizens, who have acquired fortunes, prove per- fons of fafhion -, and thus it is, that perfons of fafhion, who have ruined their fortunes, reduce the next gene- ration to cits. [Exit. SCENE changes to another apartment. Enter Mrs. Heidelberg, and Mifs Sterling. Mifs Stcrl. This is your gentle-looking, foft-fpeak- ing, fweet-fmiling, affable Mils Fanny for you ! Mrs. Heidel. My Mifs Fanny ! I difclaim her. With all her arts me never could infmuate herfelf into my good graces and yet (he has a way with her, that deceives man, woman, and child, except you and me, niece. Mifs Sterl. O ay ; me wants nothing but a crook in her hand, and a lamb under her arm, to be a per- feel: picture of innocence and fimplicity. Mrs. Heidel. Juft as I was drawn at Amfterdam, when I went over to vifit my hufband's relations. Mifs Sterl. And then {he's fo mighty good to fer- vants my Lord ? Lord Ogle. With any fortune, or no fortune at all, Sir. Love is the idol of my heart, and the daemon Intereft finks before him. So, Sir, as I faid before, I will A C O M E D Y. 6 7 I will marry your yonngeft daughter ; yotir youngeft daughter will marry me. Sterl. Who told you fo, my Lord ? Lord Ogle. Her own fweet felf, Sir. Sterl. Indeed? Lord Ogle. Yes, Sir; our affe&ion is mutual; your advantage double and treble your daughter will be a Countefs dire&ly I mall be the happieft of beings and you'll be father to an Earl inftead of a Baronet. Sterl. But what will my filter fay ? and my daugh- ter? Lord Ogle. I'll manage that matter, nay, if they won't content, I'll run away with your daughter in fpite of you. Sterl. Well faid, my Lord ! your fpirit's good I wifh you had my conftitution ! but if you'll ven- ture, I have no objection, if my filter has none. LordOgle. I'll anfwer for your lifter, Sir. Apropos ! the lawyers are in the houfe I'll have articles drawn, and the whole affair concluded to-morrow morning. Sterl. Very well: and I'll difpatch Lovewell to London immediately for fome frem papers I mail want, and I mail leave you to manage matters with my lifter. You muft excufe me, my Lord, but I can't help laughing at the match He ! he! he! what will the folks fay ? [Exit. Lord Ogle. What a fellow am I going to make a father of? He has no more feeling than the poft in his warehoufe But Fanny's virtues tune me 'to rap- ture again, and I won't think of the reft of the family. Enter Lovewell baftily. Lovew. I beg your Lordfhip's pardon, my Lord ; are you alone, my Lord ? Lord Ogle. No, my Lord, I am not alone ! I am in company, the beft company. Lovew. My Lord ! F 2 Lord 65 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, Lord Ogle. I never was in fuch exquifite enchant- ing company fince my heart firft conceived, or my fenfes tafted pleafure. Lovew. Where are they, my Lord ? [locking about. Lord Ogle. In my mind, Sir. Lovezv. What company have you there, my Lord ? [failing. Lord Ogle. My own ideas, Sir, which fo croud upon my imagination, and kindle it to fuch a deli- rium of extafy, that wit, wine, mufic, poetry, all combined, and each perfection, are but mere mortal Ihadows of my felicity. Lovew. I fee that your Lordlhip is happy, and I rejoice at it. Lord Ogle. You Jhall rejoice at it, Sir ; my felicity mall not ielfimly be confined, but (hall fpread its in- fluence to the whole circle of my friends. I need not fay, Love well, that you fhall have your mare of it. Lovew. Shall I, my Lord ? then I underftand you you have heard Mifs Fanny has informed you Lord Ogle. She has I have heard, and me mail be happy 'tis determin'd. Lovew. Then 1 have reached the fummit of my wifhes And will your Lordfhip pardon the folly ? Lord Ogle. O yes, poor creature, how could me help it? 'Twas unavoidable Fate and necefiity. Lovew. It was indeed, my Lord Your kindnefs diflracts me. Lord Ogle. And fo it did the poor girl, faith. Lovew. She trembled to difclofe the fecret, and declare her affections ? Lord Ogle. The world, I believe, will not think her affections ill placed. Lovew. [bowing.] You are too good, my Lord. And do you really excufe the ralhnefs of the action ? Lord Ogle. From my very foul, Lovewell. Lovew. Your generofity overpowers me. --[bowing.] < I was afraid of her meeting with a cold reception. Lord A C O M E D Y. 6 9 Lord Ogle. More fool you then. Who pleads her caufe with never- failing beauty,, Here finds a full redrefs. \Jtrikesbu breaft. She's a fine girl, Lovewell. Lovcw. Her beauty, my Lord, is her leaft merit. She has an underftanding Lord Ogle. Her choice convinces me of that. Lovew. [Awgi] That's your Lordfhip's good- nefs. Her choice was a difmterelled one. Lord Ogle. No no not altogether it beg.m with intereft, and ended in paffion. Lovew. Indeed, my Lord, if you were acquainted with her goodnefs of heart, and generofity of mind, as well as you are with the inferior beauties of her face and perfon Lord Ogle. I am fo perfectly convinced of their exiftence, and fo totally of your mind touching every amiable particular of that fweet girl, that were it not for the cold unfeeling impediments of the law, I would marry her to-morrow morning. Lovew. My Lord ! Lord Ogle. I would, by all that's honourable in man, and amiable in woman. Lo^ew. Marry her ! Who do you mean, my Lord? Lord Ogle. Mifs Fanny Sterling, that is the Coun- tefs of Ogleby that mall be. Lovew. I am aftonimed. Lord Ogle. Why, could you expecl lefs from me ? Lovew. I did not expecl: this, my Lord. Lord Ogle. Trade and accounts have deftroyed your feeling. Lo'vew. No, indeed, my Lord. \.f l ^> Lord Ogle. The moment that love and pity en- tered my breaft, I was rcfolved to plunge into matri- mony, and fhorten the girl's tortures I never do any thing by halves ; do I, Lovewell ? Lovew. No, indeed, my Lord \Jigbs.] What an accident ! F 3 Lcrd 70 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, Lord Ogle. What's the matter, Lovewell ? thou feem'ft to have loft thy faculties. Why don't you wifh me joy, man ? Lovew. O, I do, my Lord. [Jigbs- Lord Ogle. She laid, that you would explain what Ihe had not power to utter but I wanted no inter- preter for the laoguage of love. Loveiv. But has your Lordfhip confidered the confequences of your refolution ? Lord Ogle. No, Sir, I am above confideration, \vhen my defires are kindled. Lovew. But confider the confequences, my Lord, to your nephew, Sir John. Lord Ogle. Sir John has confidered no confe- quences himfelf, Mr. Lovewell. Lovew. Mr. Sterling, my Lord, will certainly re- fufe his daughter to Sir John. Lord Ogle. Sir John has already refufed Mr. Ster- ling's daughter. Lcvew. But what will become of Mifs Sterling, my Lord ? Lord Ogle. What's that to you ? You may have her, if you will. I depend upon Mr. Sterling's city- philofcphy, to be reconciled to Lord Ogleby's being his fon-m-law, inftead of Sir John Melvil, Baronet. Don't you think that your mafter may be brought to that, without having recourfe to his calculations ? Eh, Lovewell! Lc-i-fw. But, my Lord, that is not the queftion. Lord Ogle. Whatever is the queftion, I'll tell you my anfwer. I am in love with a fine girl, whom I refolve to marry. Enter Sir John Melvil. What news with you, Sir John ? You look all hurry and impatience like a meffenger after a battle. Sir John. After a battle, indeed, my Lord. I have this day had a tcvere engagement, and wanting your Lordfhip as an auxiliary, I have at laft muftered up refolution A C O M E D Y. 71 refolution to declare, what my duty to you and to myfelf have demanded from me fome time. Lord Ogle. To the bufinefs then, and be as concife as pofiible ; for I am upon the wing eh, Lovewell ? [hefmiles, and Lovewell bows. Sir John. I find 'tis in vain, my Lord, to ftruggle againft the force of inclination. Lord Ogle. Very true, Nephew, I am your wit- nefs, and will fecond the motion (han't I Love- well ? [fmiles, and Lovewell bows. Sir Jobn. Your Lordfhip's generofity ena urages me to tell you that I cannot marry Mifs Sterling. Lord Ogle. I am not at all furpriz'd at it {he's a bitter potion, that's the truth of it -, but as you were to iwallow it, and not I, it was your bufinefs, and not mine Any thing more ? Sir Jobn. But this, my Lord that I may be per* mitted to make my addreffes to the other filter. Lord Ogle. O yes by all means have you any hopes there, Nephew ?-- Do you think he'll iucceed, Lovewell ? [ fmiles, and winks at Lovewell. Lovew. I think not, my Lord. [gravely. Lord Ogle. I think fo too ; but let the fool try. Sir John. Will your Lordfhip favour me with your good offices to remove the chief obftacle to the match, the repugnance of Mrs. Heidelberg ? Lord Ogle. Mrs. Heidelberg ! Had not you better begin with the young lady firft ? it will fave you a great deal of trouble , won't it, Lovewell ? [/miles.] but do what you pleafe, it will be the fame thing to me won't it, Lovewell? [conceitedly.'] Why don't you laugh at him ? Lovew. I do, my Lord. [forces a fmik. Sir John. And your Lordfhip will endeavour to prevail on Mrs. Heidelberg to confent to my marri- age with Mifs Fanny ? Lord Ogle. I'll fpeak to Mrs. Heidelberg, about the adorable Fanny, as foon as poflible. F 4 Sir 72 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, Sir John. Your generofity tranfports me. Lord Ogle. Poor fellow, what a dupe ! lie little thinks who's in pofTeffion of the town. \afide. Sir John. And your Lordfhip is not offended at this feeming inconftancy ? Lcrd Ogle. Not in the leaft. Mifs Fanny's charms will even excufe infidelity I look upon women as the fcrx nature, lawful 1 game and every man who is qualified, has a natural right to puriue them ; Lover well as well as you, and I as well as either of you. Every man mail do his heft, without offence to any what lay you, kinfmen ? Sir John. You have made me happy, my Lord. Lcvew. And me, I allure you, my Lord. Lord Ogle. And I am fuperlatively fo allons done to horfe and away, boys ! you to your affairs, and I to mine- fuivons 1'amour. [fi n g s - t federally. ACT V. SCENE I. Fanny'j apartment. Enter Lovewell and Fanny -followed by Betty. Fanny. \\J H Y did you come fo foon, Mr. Love- VV we H ? tne family is not yet in bed, and Betty certainly heard fomebody liftening near the chamber-door. Betty. My miftrefs is right, Sir ! evil fpirits are abroad ; and I am fure you are both too good, not; to expect mifchief from them. Lcvew. But who can be fo curious, or fo wicked? Betty. I think we have wickednefs and cnriofity (enough in this family, Sir, to expect the word. Fanny. I . do expect the worit. Prithee, Betty, return to the outward door, and liften if you hear any A C O M E D Y. 73 any body in the gallery -, and let us know di- reftly. Betty. I warrant you, Madam the Lord blefs you both ! {Exit. Fanny. What did my father want witli you this evening ? Lovew. He gave me the key of his clofet, with orders to bring from London fome papers relating to Lord Ogleby. Fanny. And why did not you obey him ? Lovew. Becaufe I am certain that his Lordfhip has open'd his heart to him about you, and thofc papers are wanted merely on that account but as .we mail difcover all to-morrow, there will be no oc- cafion for them, and it would be idle in me to go. Fanny. Hark ! hark ! blefs me, howl tremble ! I feel the terrors of guilt- indeed, Mr. Lovewell, this is too much for me. Lovew. And for me too, my fweet Fanny. Your apprehenfions make a coward of me. But what can alarm you ? your aunt and fitter are in their cham- bers, and you have nothing to fear from the reft of the family. Fanny. I fear every body, and every thing, and every moment My mind is in continual agitation and dread ; indeed, Mr. Lovewell, this fituation may have very unhappy confequences. [weeps. Lovew. But it fhan't I would rather tell our ftory this moment to all the houie, and run the rifque of maintaining you by the hardeft labour, than fuffer you to remain in this dangerous per- plexity. What ! mail I facrifice all my beft hopes and affections, in your dear health and fafety, for the mean, and in fuch a cafe, the meaneft confideration -of our fortune ! Were we to be abandon'd by all our relations, we have that in our hearts and minds, will weigh againft the mod affluent c i re um fiances. I mould not have propos'd the fecrecy of our mar- riage, but for your fake j and with hopes that the moft -74 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, mod generous facrifice you have made to love and me, might be lefs injurious to you, by waiting a lucky moment of reconciliation. Fanny. Huih ! hum ! for heav'n fake, my dear Lovewell, don't be fo warm ! your generofity gets the better of your prudence -, you will be heard, and we mail be diicovered. I am fatisfied, indeed I am. Excufe this weaknefs, this delicacy this what you will. My mind's at peace indeed it is think no more of it, if you love me ! Lovew. That one word has charm'd me, as it al- ways does, to the mofl implicit obedience ; it would be the worft of ingratitude in me to diftrefs you a moment. [kiffes her. Re-enter Betty. Betty, [in a low voice.} Pm forry to difturb you. Fanny. Ha ! what's the matter ? Loveiy. Have you h-^ard any body ? Betty. Yes, yes, I have, and they have heard you too, or I am miftaken if they hzdfeen you too, we Ihould have been in a fine quandary. Fanny. Prithee don't prate now, Betty ! Lovew. What did you hear ? Betty. I was preparing myfelf, as uiual, to take me a little nap. Lcvew. A nap ! Betty. Yes, Sir, a nap ; for I watch much better fo than wide awake ; and when I had wrap'd this handkerchief round my head, for fear of the ear- ach from the key-hole, I thought I heard a kind of a fort of a buzzing, which I firft took for a gnat, and fhook my head two or three times, and went fo with my hand Fanny. Well well and fo Betty. And fo, Madam, when I heard Mr. Love- well a little loud, I heard the buzzing louder too and pulling off my handkerchief foftly I could hear this fort of noife [makes an indiftintt noife like fpeaking. Fanny. Well, and what did they fay ? Betty. A C O M E P Y. 75 Betty. Oh ! I could not underftand a word of what was faid. Loveiy. The outward door is lockM ? Betty. Yes j and J bolted it too, for fear of the word. Fanny. Why did you ? they muft have heard you, if they were near. Betty. And I did it on purpofe, Madam, and coiigh'd a little too, that they might not hear Mr. Lovewell's voice -when I was filent, they were filent, and Ib I came to tell you. Fanny. What fhall we do ? Lovew. Fear nothing ; we know the worft ; it will only bring on our cataftrophe a little too loon but Betty might fancy this noife -(he's in the confpiracy, and can make a man of a moufe at any time. Betty. I can diftinguim a man from a moule, as well as my betters I'm lorry you think fo ill of me, Sir. Fanny. He compliments you, don't be a fool I- Now you have fet her tongue a running, fhe'll mut- ter for an hour, [to Lovewell.] I'll go and hearken myfelf. [Exit. Betty. I'll turn my back upon no girl, for fmcerity and fervice. [b^f afide, and muttering. Lovew. Thou art the firft in the world for both ; and I will reward you foon, Betty, for one and the other. Betty. I'm not mercenary neither I can live on a little, with a good carreter. Re-enter Fanny. Fanny. All feems quiet fuppofe, my dear, you go to your own room I mail be much eafier then and to-morrow we will be prepared for the difcovery. Betty. You may difcover, if you pleafe -, but, for my part, I mail ftill be fecret. [halfajide, and muttering. Lcvew. Should I leave you now, if they ftill are upon the watch, we mail lofe the advantage of our delay. Befides, we mould confult upon to-morrow's bufmefs. Let Betty go to her own room, and lock - ^^ i the 76 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, the outward door after her ; we can faften this ; and when me thinks all fafe, fne may return and let me out as ufual. Betty. Shall I, Madam ? Fanny. Do ! let me have my way to-night, and you fhall command me ever after. \I would not have you furprized here for the world. yray leave me ! I mall be quite myfelf again, if you will oblige me. - Lovew. I live only to oblige you, my fweet Fanny ! I'll be gone this moment. [going. Fanny. Let us liften firft at the door, that you may not be intercepted. Betty lhall go firft, and if they lay hold of her Betty. They'll have the wrong fow by the ear, I can tell them that. [going haftily. Fanny. Softly foftly Betty ! don't venture out, if you hear a noife. Softly, I beg of you ! See, Mr. Lovewell, the effects of indifcretion ! Lovew. But love, Fanny, makes amends for all. [Exeunt all foftly. SCENE changes to a gallery, which leads to fever al bed-chambers. Enter Mifs Sterling, leading Mrs. Heidelberg in a night-cap. Mifs Stcrl. This way, dear Madam, and then I'll tell you all. Mrs. Ileidel. Nay, but Niece confider a little don't drag me out in this figur let me put on my fly-cap ! if any of my Lord's fammaly, or the coun- fellors at law, mould be ftirring, I mould be per- digus difconcarted. Mifs Sterl. Bur, my dear Madam, a moment is an age, in my fituation. I am fure my filler has been plotting my difgrace and ruin in that chamber O Ihe's all craft and wickednefs. Mrs. HeideL Well, but foftly, Betfey ! you are all in emotion your mind is too much fluftrated you 4 can A C O M E D Y. 77 can neither eat nor drink, nor take your natural reft compofe yourfelf, child ; for if we are not as wary- fome as they are wicked, we fhall difgrace ourfelves and the whole fammaly. Mifs Sterl. We are difgraced already, Madam. Sir John Melvil has forfaken me ; my Lord cares for nobody but himfclf ; or, if for any body, it is my fifter ; my father, for the fake of a better bargain, would marry me to a 'Change-broker j fo that if you, Madam, don't continue my friend if you for- fake me if I am to lofe my beft hopes and confo- lation in your tendernefs and affec-tions I had better at once give up the matter arid let my fifter enjoy the fruits of her treachery trample with fcorn upon the rights of her elder fifter, the will of the beft of aunts, and the weaknefs of a too interefted father. [Jhe pretends to be burfting Into tears all this fpeech. " Mrs.PIeidel. Don't, Betfey keep up your fpurrit I hate whimpering I am your friend depend upon me in every partickler but be compofed, and tell me what new mifchief you have difcover'd. Mifs Sterl. I had no defire to deep, and would not undrefs myfelf, knowing that my Machiavel fifter would not reft till me had broke my heart : I was fo uneafy that I could not ftay in my room, but when I thought that all the houfe was quiet, I fent my maid to diicover what was going forward ; me immediately came back and told me that they were in high confiscation ; that me had heard only, for it was in the dark, my filler's maid conduct Sir John Melvil to her miftrels, and then lock the door. Mrs. Heidel. And how did you conduct yourfelf in this dalimma ? Mifs Sterl. I return'd with her, and could hear a man's voice, though nothing that they faid diitinctly and you may depend upon it, that Sir John is now in that room, that they have iettled the matter, and will 7 g THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, run away together before morning, if we don't prevent them. Mrs. Heidel. Why the brazen flut ! has me got her fitter's hufband (that is to be) lock'd up in her chamber! at night too! I tremble at the thoughts ! Mifs SterL Hufh, Madam ! I hear fomething. Mrs. Heidel. You frighten me let me put on my fly-cap I would not be feen in this figur for the world. Mifs SterL J Tis dark, Madam ; you can't be feen. Mrs. Heidel. I proteft there's a candle coming, and a man too ! Mifs SterL Nothing but fervants ; let us retire a moment ! [they retire. Enter Brum half drunk, laying hold of the Chamber- maid, who has a candle in her hand. Ch. Maid. Be quiet, Mr. Brufh; I mail drop down with terror ! Brujh. But my fweet, and moft amiable chamber- maid, if you have no love, you may hearken to a jittle reafon ; that cannot pofiibly do your virtue any harm. Ch. Maid. But you will do me harm, Mr. Brum, and a great deal of harm too pray let me go I am ruin'd if they hear you I tremble like an alp. Brujh. But they {han't hear us and if you have a mind to be ruined, it mail be the making of your fortune, you little flut, you ! therefore I lay it again, if you have no love, hear a little reafon ! Ch. Maid. I wonder at your impurence, Mr. Brum, to ufe me in this manner ; this is not the way to keep me company, I affure you. You are a town rake I fee, and now you are a little in liquor, you fear nothing. Brujh. Nothing, by heav'ns, but your frowns, moft amiable chamber-maid ; I am a little electrified, that's the truth on't ; I am not ufed to drink Port, and your A COMEDY. 79 your matter's is fo heady, that a pint of it overfets a claret-drinker. Cb. Maid. Don't be rude ! blefs me ! I mall be rnin'd what will become of me ? Brujh. I'll take care of you, by all that's honour- able. Cb. Maid. You are a bafe man to ufe me fo I'll cry out, if you don't let me go. That is Mifs Ster- ling's chamber, that Mifs Fanny's, and that Madam Heidelberg's. [pointing. Bru/h. And that my Lord Ogleby's, and that my Lady what d'ye call 'em : I don't mind fuch folks when I'm fober, much lefs when I am whimfical rather above that too. Cb. Maid. More fhame for you, Mr. Brufh ! you terrify me you have no modefty. Bru/h. O but I have, my fweet fpider-bruflier ! for inftance, I reverence Mifs Fanny (he's a moft delicious morfel, and fit for a prince with all my horrors of matrimony, I could marry her myieif but for her filter Mifs SterL There, there, Madam, all in a ftory ! Cb.Maid. Blefs me, Mr. Brufli ! I heard fome- thing ! Brujh. Rats, I fuppofe, that are gnawing the old timbers of this execrable old dunsreon If it was ^P mine, I would pull it down, and fill your fine canal up with the rubbim , and then I Ihould get rid of two damn'd things at once. Cb. Maid. Law ! law ! how you blafpheme ! we Ihall have the houfe upon our heads for it. Brujh. No, no, it will laft our time but as I was faying, the elder fifter Mifs Jezabel Cb. Maid. Is a fine young lady, for all your evil tongue. Brujb. No we have fmoak'd her already, and unlels fhe marries our old Swifs, (he can have none of us~.no, no, flie won't do we are a little too nice. 2 Cb. Maid. Bo THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, Cb. Maid. You're a monftrous rake, Mr. Brufh, and don't care what you fay. Brujh. Why, for that matter, my dear, I am a little inclined to mifchief ; and if you won't have pity upon me, I will break open that door and ravifh Mrs. Heidelberg. Mrs. Heidel. [coming forward.] There's no bearing this you profligate monfter ! Cb. Maid. Ha ! I am undone ! Bruflj. Zounds ! here me is, by all that's mon- ftrous. [runs of. Mifs Sterl. A fine difcourfe you have had with that fellow ! Mrs. Heidel. And a fine time of night it is to be here with that drunken monfter ! Mifs Sterl. What have you to fay for yourfelf ? Ch. Maid. I can fay nothing. I am fo frighten'd, and fo afham'd but indeed I am vartuous I am vartuous indeed. Mrs. Heidel. Well, well don't tremble fo , but tell us what you know of this horrable plot here. Mifs Sterl. We'll forgive you, if you'll difcover all. Cb. Maid. Why, Madam don't let me betray my fellow fervants I fhan't deep in my bed, if I do. Mrs. Heidel. Then you mail deep fomewhere elie to-morrow night. Cb.Maid. O dear! what (hall I do ? Mrs. Heidel. Tell us this moment, or I'll turn you out of doors directly. Cb. Maid. Why our butler has been treating us below in his pantry Mr. Brufh forc'd us to make a kind of a holiday night of it. Mifs Sterl. Holiday ! for what ? Cb. Maid. Nay I only made one. Mifs Sterl. Well, well ; but upon what account ? Cb. Maid. Becaufe, as how, Madam, there was a change in the family they laid, that his honour, Sir John was to marry Mifs Fanny inltead of your Ladyfhip. Mifs A C O M E D Y. Si , Mifs Sterl. And fo you made a holiday for that- Very fine ! Cb. Maid. I did not make it, Ma'am. Mrs. Heidel. But do YOJ know nothing of Sir John's being to run away with Mifs Fanny to-night ? Cb. Maid. No, indeed, Ma'am ! Mifs Sterl. Nor of his being now locked up in my filler's chamber? Cb. Maid. No, as I hope for marcy, Ma'am. Mrs. Heidel. Well, I'll put an end to all this diredly do you run to my brother Sterling Cb. Maid. Now, Ma'am ! - 'Tis fo very late, Ma'am Mrs. Heidel. I don't care how late it is. Tell him there are thieves in the houle that the houfe is o'fire tell him to come here immediately go, I fay ! Cb.bfc.id. I will, I will, though I'm frighten'd out of my wits. [Exit. . Mrs. Heidel. Do you watch here, my dear ; and I'll put myfelf in order, to face them. We'll plot 'em, and counter-plot 'em too. [E:-:it into h:r cbamber. Mifs Sterl. I have as much plcafure in this revenge, as in being made a countefs ! Ha ! they are unlock- .. ing the door. Now for it ! [retires. Fanny'* deer is unkdi'J cind Betty ccmes out with a .iidk. Mifs Sterling approaches her. Betty, [c ailing wit hi n.~\ Sir, Sir! no w's your time - jjdl's clear. [Seeing Mifs Sterl.] Stay, (lay not yet - \ve are wat;ch'd. Mifs Sterl. And fo you are, Madam Betty ! } Sterling lays bold of her, while Betty locks .locr, and puts the key i::io her. pocket. . {tunimgrcund.} What's the matter, Madam? Mil's- Stir!. Nay, that you mail tell my father and i aunt, -Madam. Betty. I am no tell-tale, Madam, and no thief; they'll get nothing from me. Mifs Sterl. You have a great deal of courage, G Betty; 82 Betty ; and confidering the fecrets you have to keep, you have occafion for it. Betty. My miftrels fliall never repent her good opinion of me, Ma'am. Enter Sterling. Sterl. What is all this ? what's the matter ? why am I difturbed in this manner ? Mifs Sterl. This creature, and my diftrefies, Sir, will explain the matter. Re-enter Mrs. Heidelberg, with another bead-drefs. Mrs. Heidel. Now I'm prepar'd for the rancounter well, brother, have you heard of this fcene of wickednets ? Sterl. Not I but what is it? Speak ! I was got into my little clofet all the lawyers were in bed, and I had almoft loft my fenfes in the confufion of Lord Ogleby's mortgages, when I was alarmed with a foolifh girl, who could hardly fpeak -, and whether it's fire, or thieves, or murder, or a rape, I am quite in the dark. Mrs. Heidel. No, no, there's no rape, brother ! all parties are willing, I believe. Mifs Sterl. Who's in that chamber ? [detaining Betty, wbc feemed to be ft eating away. Betty. My miftrefs. Mifs Sterl. And who is with your miftrefs ? Betty. Why, who (hould there be ? Mifs Sterl. Open the door then, and let us fee ! Betty. The door is open, Madam. [Mifs Sterling goes to the door.} I'll fooner die than peach ! [Exit haftily, Mifs Sterl. The door's lock'd ; and (he has got the key in her pocket. Mrs. Heidel. There's impudence, brother ! piping hot from your daughter Fanny's fchool ! Sterl. But, zounds ! what is all this about ? You tell me of a fum total, and you don't produce the particulars. Mrs 4 A C O M E D Y. 83 Mrs. Heidel. Sir John Melvil is lock'd up in your daughter's bed-chamber. There is the particular ! Sterl. The devil he is ? That's bad ! Mifs Sterl. And he has been there fome time too. Sterl. Ditto! Mrs. Heidel. Ditto ! worfe and worfe, I fay. Til raife the houfe, and expofe him to my Lord, and the whole fammaly. Sterl. By no means ! we fhall expofe ourfelves, lifter ! the beft way is to infure privately let me alone! I'll make him marry her to-morrow morning. Mifs Sterl. Make him marry her ! this is beyond all patience ! You have thrown away all your affec- tion ; and I fhall do as much by my obedience : un- natural fathers make unnatural children. My re- venge is in my own power, and I'll indulge it. Had they made their cfcape, I mould have been expofed to the derifion of the world : but the deriders fhall be derided ; and fo-.-help ! help, there ! thieves ! thieves ! Mrs. Heidel. Tit-for-tat, Betfey ! you are right, my girl. Sterl. Zounds ! you'll fpoil all you'll raife the whole family, the devil's in the girl. Mrs. Heidel. No, no ; the devil's in you, brother. I am afham'd of your principles. What ! would you connive at your daughter's being lock'd up with her filter's hufband ? Help ! thieves ! thieves ! I fay. [cries out. Sterl. Sifter, I beg you ! daughter, I command you ! If you have no regard for me, confider your- felves ! we fhall lofe this opportunity of ennobling our blood and getting above twenty per cent, for our money. Miff Sterl. What, by my difgrace and my fifter's triumph ! I have a fpirit above fuch mean confide- rations ; and to mew you that it is not a low-bred, vulgar 'Change-Alley fpirit help ! help ! thieves ! thieves ! thieves ! I lay. G 2 Sterl. |4 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, Sterl. Ay, ay, you may fave your lungs the houfe is in a4 uproar ; women at belt have no dik cretion ; but in a paffion they'll fire a houfe, or burn themlelvcs in it, rather than not be revenged. Enter Canton, in a night-gown and flippers. Cant. Eh, diable ! vat is de raifon of dis great noife, dis tintamarre ? Sterl. Afk thole ladies, Sir ; 'tis of their making. Lord Ogleby [calls within.] Brufh! Brum! Canton! where are you? What's the matter ? [rings a bell.} Where are you ? Sterl. 'Tis my Lord calls, Mr. Canton. Cant. I com, mi Lor ! [Exit Canton.] [Lord Ogleby ft ill rings, Serjeant Flower [calls within.] A light ! a light here ! where are the fervants ? Bring a light for me and my brothers. Sterl. Lights here ! lights for the gentlemen ! [Exit Sterling-. Mrs. Heidel. My brother feels, I fee your fitter's turn will come next. Mifs Sterl. Ay, ay, let it go round, Madam, it is the only comfort I have left. Re-enter Sterling, with lights^ before Serjeant Flower (with one boot and a flipper) and Traverfe. Sterl. This way, Sir! this way, gentlemen? Serjeant Flower. Well ; but Mr. Sterling, no dan- ger I hope. Have they made a burglarious entry? Are you prepared to repulfe them ? I am very much alarm'd about thieves at circuit-time. They would be particularly levere with us gentlemen of the bar. Traverfe. No danger, Mr. Sterling, no trefpafs, I hope ? Sterl. None, gentlemen, but of thofe ladies making. Mrs. Heldd. You'll be afham'd to know, gentle- men, that all your labours arid ftudies about -this 5 young A C O M E D Y. 85 young lady are thrown away Sir John Melvil is at this moment lock'd up with this lady's younger fifter. Serjeant Flower. The thing is a little extraordinary, to be fure but, why were we to be frighten'd out of our beds for this ? Could not we have try'd this caufe to-morrow morning ? Mifs Sterl. But, Sir, by to-morrow morning, per- haps, even your afliftance would not have been of any fervice the birds now in that cage would have flown away. Enter Lord Ogleby [/ bis role-de-clambre^ night-cap^ &c.---kaning on Canton.] Lord Ogk. I had rather lofe a limb than my night's reft what's the matter with you all ? Sterl. Ay, ay, 'tis all over ! Here's my Lord too. Lord Ogle. What's all this fhrieking and fcream- jng ? Where's my angelicly Fanny ? She's fafe, I hope ! Mrs. Heidel. Your angelick Fanny, my Lord, is lock'd up with your angelick nephew in that chamber. Lord Ogle. My nephew ! then will I be excommu- nicated. Mrs. Heidel. Your nephew, my Lord, has been plotting to run away with the younger fifter \ and the younger fifter has been plotting to run away with your nephew : and if we had not watch'd them and call'd up the fammaly, they had been upon the fcamper to Scotland by this time. Lord Ogle. Look'ee, ladies! I know that Sir John has conceived a violent paffion for Mifs Fanny ; and I know too that Mifs Fanny has conceived a violent paflion for another perfon -, and I am fo well convinc'd of the rectitude of her affections, that I will fupport them with my fortune, my honour, and fny life. Eh, mari't I, Mr. Sterling ? [fmiUngJ] what ' lay you ? G 3. Ster?. B6 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, Stei-l. [fulkily.] To be fure, my Lord. Thefe bawling women have been the ruin of every thing. [a/ide. Lord Ogle. But come, I'll end this bufmefs in a trice if you, ladies, will compofe yourfelves, and Mr. Sterling will infure Mifs Fanny from violence, I will engage to draw her from her pillow with a whifper thro' the keyhole. Mrs. Heidel. The horrid creatures !--rJ fay, my Lord, break the door open. Lord Ogle. Let me beg of your delicacy not to be tpo precipitate ! Now to our experiment ! {advancing towards the door. Mifs Sterl. Now, what will they do ? my heart will beat through my bofom. Enter Betty, with the key. Betty. There's no occafion for breaking open doors, my Lord ; we have done nothing that we ought to be alham'd of, and my miflrefs ihall face her enemies.- [going to unlock the door. Mrs.- Heidel. There's impudence. LcrdOgle. The myftery thickens. Lady of the bed- chamber! [to Betty.] open the door, and intreat Sir John Melvil (for thefe ladies will have it that he is there) to appear and anfwer to high crimes and mif- demeanors. Call Sir John Melvil into the court ! Enter Sir John Melvil, on the other Jidc. Sir John. I am here, my Lord. Mrs. Heidel. Heyday ! Mifs Sterl. Aftonifhment ! Sir John. What is all this alarm and confufion ? there is nothing but hurry in the houfe ; what is the reafon of it ? Lord Ogle. Becaufe you have been in that cham- ber -, have been ! nay, you are there at this moment, as thefe ladies, have protefted, fo don't deny it Traverfe. This is the cleareft alibi I ever knew, Mr. Serjeant. Flower. A C O M E D Y. 87 Flower. Luce clarius. Lord Ogle. Upon my word, ladies, if you have often thefe frolicks, ic would be really entertaining to pafs a whole fummer with you. But come [to Betty.] open the door, and intreat your amiable miftrefs to come forth, and difpel all our doubts with her fmiles. Betty, [opening the door.] Madam, you are wanted in this room. [pertly. Enter Fanny, in great confufion. Mifs Sterl. You fee fhe's ready drefled and what confufion me's in ! Mrs. Heidel. Ready to pack of, bag and baggage ! her guilt confounds her! Flower. Silence in the court, ladies ! Fanny. I am confounded, indeed, Madam ! Lord Ogle. Don't droop, my beauteous lily ! but with your own peculiar modefty declare your flate of mind.- Pour conviction into their ears and raptures into mine. [fmiling. Funny. I am at this moment the mod unhappy moft diftreft the tumult is too much for my heart- and I want the power to reveal a lecret, which to con- ceal has been the misfortune and milery of my my [faints away. Lord Ogle. She faints ; help, help ! for the fair- eft, and bed of women ! Betty, [running to her.'] O my dear miftrefs ! help, help, there ! Sir John. Ha ! let me fly to her afiiftance. Lovewell rujhe s out from the chamber. Lovew. My Fanny in danger ! I can contain no longer. Prudence were now a crime , all other cares were loft in this ! fpeak, fpeak to me, my deareft Fanny ! let me but hear thy voice, open your eyes, and blefs me with the fmalleft fign of life ! [during this fpeecb they are all in amazement. Mifs Sterl. Lovewell! I am eafy.--- G 4 Mrs. 88 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, Mrs* Heidel I am thunderftruck'! Lord Ogle. I am petrify'd ! Sir John. And I undone ! Fanny, [recovering.'] O Lovewell ! even fupported by thee, I dare not look my father nor his Lordlhip in the face> Sterl. What now ! did not I fend you to London, Sir? Lord Ogle. Eh IWhat ! How's this ? by what right and title have yoif been half the night in that lady's bed-chamber ? Lovew. By that right which makes me the happieft. Of men ; and by a title which I would not forego, for any the beft of kings could give. Betty. I could cry my eyes out to hear his magni- mity. Lord Ogle. I am annihilated ! Sterl. I have been choaked with rage and wonder ; but now I can fpeak. Zounds, what have you to fay to me ? Lovewell, you are a villain. You have broke your word with me. fanny. Fndeed, Sir, he has not You forbad him to think of me, when it was out of his power to obey you i we have been married theie four months. Sterl. And he. {han't flay in my houfe four hours. "What balenels and treachery ! As for you, you mail repent this ftep as long as you live, Madam. Fanny. Indeed, Sir, it is impoflible to conceive the tortures I have already endured in conlequence of my difobedience. My heart has continually upbraid- ed me for it ;- and though I was too weak to itrug-gle with affection, -.1 feel that I muft be miferable for ever without your forgivenefs. SterL Lovewell, you {hall leave my houfe direct- ly ; and you (hall follow him, Madam, [to Fanny, Lord Ogle. And if they do, I will receive them into ;nine. Look ye, Mr. Sterling, there have been ibme rniitakesj A C O M E D Y. 89 miftakes, which we had all better forget for our own lakes , and the beft way to forget them is to forgive the caufe of them ; which 1 do from my foul. Poor girl ! I iwore to iupport her affection with my life and fortune , 'tis a debt of honour, and muft be paid you fwore as much too, Mr. Sterling , but your laws in the city will excuiejyc#, I fuppofe ; for you never ftrike a "balance without errors excepted. Sterl. I am a father, my Lord ; but for the fake of all other fathers, I think "I ought not to forgive her, for fear of encouraging other filly girls like herfelf to throw themielves away without the confent of their parents. Lo-vew. I iiope there will be no danger of that, Sir. Young ladies with minds, like my Fanny's, would ftartle at the very fhadow of vice ; and when they know to what uneafmefs only an indifcretion has expofed her, her example, inftead of encouraging, will rather ferve to deter them. Mrs.HeideL Indifcretion, quoth a! a mighty pretty delicat word to exprefs obedience I Lord Ogle. For -my part, I indulge my own pafllons too much to tyrannize over thole of other people. Poor fouls, .Lfujy them. And you muft forgive them too. Come, come, melt a little of your flint, Mr. Sterling ! Stcrl. Why, why as to that, my Lord to be fure he is a relation of yours, my Lord what fay you, lifter Heidelberg ? Mrs. Heidel. The girl's ruined, and I forgive her. Sterl. Well fo do I then.--TNay, no thanks [to Loveixell and Fanny, 'who feem preparing to fpeak.~\ there's an end of the matter. Lord Ogle. But Lovewell, what makes you dumb all this while ? Lovew. Your kindnefs, my Lord I can fcarce believe my own fenfes they are all in a tumult of fear, joy, love, expectation, and gratitude ; J ever was, and am now more bound in duty to your Lord- Ihip. go THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, fhip. For you, Mr. Sterling, if every moment of my life, fpent gratefully in your fervice, will in fome meafure compenfate the want of fortune, you perhaps will not repent your goodnefs to me. And you, la- dies, I flatter myfelf, will not for the future fufpect me of artifice and intrigue I mall be happy to oblige and ferve you. As for you, Sir John Sir John. No apologies to me, Lovewell, I do not deferve any. All I have to offer in excufe for what has happened, is my total ignorance of your fitua- tion. Had you dealt a little more openly with me, you would have faved me, and yourfelf, and that lady, (who I hope will pardon my behaviour) a great deal of uneafmefs. Give me leave, however, to allure you, that light and capricious as I may have appeared, now my infatuation is over, I have fenfi- bility enough to be afhamed of the part I have acted, and honour enough to rejoice at your happinefs. Lovew. And now, my deareft Fanny, though we are feemingly the happieft of beings, yet all our joys will be dampt, if his Lordfliip's generofity and M'r. Sterling's forgivenefs mould not be fucceeded by the indulgence, approbation, and confent of thefe our beft benefactors. [To tbe audience. FINIS. EPILOGUE. Written by Mr. GARRICK. CHARACTERS */ the EPILOGUE. Lord Minum - - - - Mr. DODD. Colonel Trill - - - - Mr. VERNON. Sir Patrick Mahony - - Mr. MOODY. Mifs Crotchet - - - - Mrs. Mrs. Quaver ... - Mrs. LEE. Firft Lady ----- Mrs. BRADSHAW. Second Lady - - - Mifs MILLS. Third Lady - - - - Mrs, DORMAN. SCENE, an Aflembly. Several Perfons at Cards, at different Tables ; among the reft Col, Trill, Lord Minum, Mrs. Quaver, Sir Patrick Mahony. At the Quadrille Table. Col.T. T AD I ES, with Leave J j zd Lady. Pafs! ^d Lady. Pafs! Mrs. Qu. You muft do more. Col. T. Indeed I can't. Mrs. <%u. I play in Hearts. Col. T. Encore ! id Lady. What Luck ! Col. T. To-night at Drury-Lane is play'J A Comedy, and toute nouvelht. Spade ! Js not Mifs Crotchet at the Play ? Mrs. $. My Niece Has made a Party, Sir, to damn the Piece. At the Whijl TabL. Ld. Min. I hate a Playhoufe Trump ! It makes me lick. I/? Lady. We're two by Honours, Ma'am. Ld. Min. And we th' odd Trick. Pray do you know the Author, Colonel Trill ? Col. T. I know no Poets, Heav'n be prais'd ! Spadille! \JtLady. I'll tell you who, my Lord! [Whij; n my Lord. Ld. Min. What, he again ? " And dwell fuch daring Souls in little Men ?" Be whofe it will, they down our Throats v/ill cram it! Col. T. O, no. I have a Club the beft. We'll damn it. Mrs. EPILOGUE. IKrs. Qii. O bravo, Colonel ! Mufic is my Flame. Ld. Min. And mine, by Jupiter! We've won the Game. Col. T. What, do you love all Mufick ? Mrs. Qu. No, not Handel's.' And nafty Plays Lord Min. Are fit for Goths and Vandals. [Rife from the Table and pay. From the Piquette Table. Sir Pat. Well, faith and troth ! that Shakefpeare was no Fool ! Col. T. I'm glad you like him, Sir ^ So ends the Pool ! [Pay atui rife from Table* SONG ly jbe Colonel I hate all their Nonfenfe, Their Shakefpeares and Johnfons, Their Plays, and their Playhoufe, and Bards ; 'Tis fmging, not faying ; A Fig for all playing, But playing 1 , as "weHo," at "Cards ! I love to fee Jonas, Am pleas'd too with Ccmus ; ., Each well the Spectator rewards. So clever, fo neat in Their Tricks, and their Cheating I Like them we would fain deal bur Cards. Sir Pat. King Lare is touching! And how fine to fee Ould Hamlet's Ghoft! " To be, or not to be." What are your Op'ras to Othello's Roar ? Oh, he's an Angel. of a Blackamoor ! Ld. Min. What, when he choaks his Wife ? Col. T. And calls her Whore.? Sir Pat. King Richard calls his Horfe And then Macbeth, Whene'er he murders takes away the Breath. My Blood runs cold at every Syllable, To fee the Dagger that's invifible." [All lai;gb. Sir Pat. Laagh if you pleafe, a pretty Play Ld. Min. Is pretty. Sir Pat. And when there's Wit in't Col. T. To be fure 'tis wiity. Sir Pat. I love the Playhoufe now fo light and gay, With all thofe Candles, they have ta T cn awav ! [All laugh* For all your Game, vrhat makes it fo much brighter i Col. T. Put out the Lights, and then Ld. Min. 'Tis fo much lighter. Sir Pat. Pray do you mane, Sirs, more than you exprefs ? Col. T. Juft as it happens Ld. Min. Either more, or lefs. E P I L O G U E. Mrs. Qu. An't you aflran'd, Sir ? [u. Well, Crotchet, what's the News ? Mifs Cre. We've loft the Day. Col T. Tell us, dear Mifs, all you have heard and fees. Mifs Cm. I'm tir'd a Chair here, take my Capuchin ! Ld. Min. And isn't it damn'd, Mils ? Mifs Cro. No, my Lord, not quite : But we mail damn it. Col. T. When ? Mifs Cro. To-morrow Night, There is a Party of us, all of Fafluon, Refolv'd to exterminate this vulgar Paflion : A Playhoufe, what a Place ! -I maft forfwear it. A little Mifchief only makes one bear it. Such Crowds of City Folks ! fo rude and preffing ! And their Horfe-Laughs, fo hideoufly diftrefling! Whene'er we hifs'd, they frown'd and fell a fwearing, Like their own Guildhall Giants fierce and ftaring I Col. T. ,. What faid the Folks of Faihion ? were they crofs ? Ld. Min. The reft have no more Judgment than my Horie. Mifs Crf. Lord Grimly fwpre 'twas execrable Stuff. Says one, Why fo, my Lord ?- My Lord took Snuff, In the iiril Ad Lord George began to doze, And crlticis'd the Author through his Nofe ; So loud indeed, that as his Lordfhip fnor'd, The Pit turn'd round, and all the Jirui.es encor'd. * Some Lords, indeed, approv'd the Author's Jokes, Ld. Min. We have among us, Mifs, fame foolifti Folks. Mifs Cro. Says poor Lord Simper Well, now to my Mind The Piece is good ;-*-but he's both deaf and blind, Sir Fat* - Upon my Soul a very pretty Story ! And Quality appears in all its Glory I- There was fome Merit in the Piece, no Doubt ; O, to be fure !--- if one could find it out. Col. T. But tell us, Mifs, the Subjeft of the Play. Mifs Cro. Why, 'twas a Marriage -yes, a Marriage Stay ! A Lord, _an Aunt, two Sifters, and a Merchant- A Baronet ten Lawyers a fat Serjeant-- Are all produc'd to talk with one another; And about fomething make a mighty Pother ; They all go in, and out; and to, and fro; And talk, and quarrel as they come and go- Then go to Bed, and then get up and then---- Scream, faint, fcold, kifs, arid go to Bed again. \AttlaMfb. Such EPILOGUE, Such is the Play Your Judgment ! never fham h. Col T. Oh, damn it ! Mrs. >u. Damn it ! ift Lady. Damn it ! Mifs Cro. Damn it ! Ld. Min. Damn it ! Sir Pat. Well, faith, you fpeak your Minds, and I'll be free Good Night ! this Company's too good forme. [Going. Col. 7*. Your Judgment, dear Sir Patrick, makes us proud. {Alllaugb. Sir Pat. Laugh if you pleafe, but pray don't laugh too loud. [Exit. RECITATIVE. Col. T. Now the Barbarian's gone, Mifs, tune yonr Tongue, And let us raife our Spirits high with Song ! RECITATIVE. Mifs Cro. Colonel, de taut mon C&url've one in petto, Which you mail join, and make it a Duetto. RECITATIVE. Ld. Min. Bella Signora, et Amico mio ! I too will join, and then we'll make a Trio. CcL T. Come all and join the full-mouth'd Chorus, And drive all Tragedy and Comedy before us ! All the Company rife, and advance to the Front of the Stagt, AIR. Cel. T. Would you ever go to fee a Tragedy ? Mifs Cro. Never, never. Col. T. A Comedy ? Ld. M. Never, never, Live for ever ! Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee ! Col. T. LordM. and Mifs Cro. Live for ever ! Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee I CHORUS. Would you ever go to fee, fcV. C Y M O N. DRAMATIC ROMANCE. As it is Performed at the THEATRE-ROYAL in DRURY-LANE. The MUSIC by Mr. ARNE. "-SOLI CANTARI PERITI ARCADES. A NEW EDITION. LONDON, Printed for T. BECKET and P. A. DE HONDT, the Strand. MDCCLXX. PROLOGUE, For New Year's Day. Spoken by Mr. KING. ICome, obedient at my Brethren's Call, From Top to Bottom, to falute you all; Warmly to wiflj, before our Piece you view, A happy Tear to you you -you and you ! Box' Pit iGall r -zGall>. From you the Play'rs enjoy and feel it here, The merry Chriftmas, and the happy Year. There is a good old Saying pray attend it ; As you begin the Tear, you'll fur ely end it. Should any one this Night incline to Evil, He"* II play for twelve long Months, the very Dtvil! Should any married Dame exert her Tongue, She'll Jing the Zodiac round, the fame fweet Song: Andfhould the Hujlandjoin bis Mujic too, Why then 'tis Cat and Dog, the whole Tear thro*. Ye Sons of Law and Phyfic, for your Eafe 9 Be fur e this Day you never take your Fees : Can't you refufe ? Then the Difeafe grows ftrong, Yotfll have two Itching Palms Lord knows l;ow long ! Writers of News by this Jlrange Fate are bcundj They fib To-day, and fib the whole Tear round. You Wits ajfembled here t both great andfmally Set not this Night afloat your Critic Gall-, If youjhoutd fnarl, and not incline to Laughter, What fweet Companions for a Twelvemonth after! You muft be muzzled for this Night at Uajl ; Our Author has a Right this Day to fcaft. He has not touch'd one Bit as yet. Remember , 'Tis a long Fait from now to next December. 'Tis. VI PROLOGUE. 9 fis Holiday ! you are our Patrons new ; (to the upper Gallery. If you but grin, the Critics won't Bow, wow. As for the Plot, Wit, Humour, Language 1 Beg youfuch Trifles kindly to pafs by -, The moft ejfential Part, which fomething means, As Dnjj'es, Dances, Sinkings, Flyings, Scenes, They'll make you Jiare nay, there isfuch a thing^ Will make you flare ftill more ! for I muft fing : And Jhould your Tafte, and Ears, be over nice, Alas ! you'll Jpoil my Singing in a Trice. Jfycujhould growl, my Notes will alter fo on, J can't be in if you are out of Tune ! Permit my Fears your Favour to be/peak, My Part's ajlrong one, and poor I but weak. (alluding to his late Accident. Jf you but fmile, Pmfirm, if frown, Iftumble Scarce well of one, fpare me a fecond Tumble ! Dramatis Perfbnse. MERLIN, Mr. BENSLEY. CYMON, Mr. VERNON. DORUS, Mr. PARSONS. LINGO, .Mr. KING. DAMON, Mr. FAWCETT. DORILAS, Mr. Fox. HYMEN, Mr. Gioaci. CUPID, Mifs ROGERS. Demons of Revenge, Mr. CHAMPNESS, &c. &c. Knights, Shepherds, &c. &c. &c. &c. URGANDA, Mrs. BADDELEY. SYLVIA, Mrs. ARNE. FATIMA, Mrs. ABINGTON. Firft SHEPHERDESS, Mils REYNOLDS. Second SHEPHERDESS, Mifs PLYM. DORCAS, Mrs. BRADSHAW. SCENE, ARCADIA. c >u * f Y M o N. A DRAMATIC ROMANCE. A C T I. SCENE, URGANDA'S Palace. Enter MERLIN and URCANDA. U R G A N D A. hear me, Merlin, . I befeech hear me. MERLIN. Hear you ! I have heard you for years have heard your vows, your protefta- tions Have you not allur'd my affections by every female art ? and when I thought that my unalterable paffion was to be rewarded for its conftahcy W T hat have you done ? Why, like mere mortal woman, in the true fpirit of frailty, have given up me and my hopes for what ? a boy, an ideot. B VRCAN- 44^4+ . .: 2 C Y M O N. U R G A N D A. Ev'n this I can bear from Merlin.. MERLIN. You have injur'd me, and muft bear more. U R G A N D A. I'll repair that injury. MERLIN. Then fend back your fav'rite Cymon to his diiconlolate friends. U R G A N D A. How can you imagine that fuch a poor igno- rant object as Cymon is can have any charms for me ? MERLIN. Ignorance, no more than profligacy, is ex- cluded from female favour; the fuccels of rakes and fools, is a lurfkient warning to us, could we be wife enough to take it. U R G A N D A. Yon miftake me, Merlin ; pity for Cymon's ihte of mind, and friendfhip for his father, have induc'd me to endeavour at his cure. MERLIN. Falfe, prevaricating Urganda! Love was your inducement. Have you not ftolen the prince irom his royal father, and detained him here by your power, while a hundred knights are in iearch after him ? Does not every thing about you prove the confequence of your want of ho- nour and faith to me ? Were you not plac'd on. this happy fpot of Arcadia, to be the guardian of its peace and innocence ? and have not the Arcadians C Y M O N. 3 Arcadians liv'd for ages the envy of lefs happy, becaufe Ids virtuous people ? U R G A N D A. Let mebefeech you, Merlin, fpare my fliame. MERLIN. And are they not at laft, by your example, funk from the ilate of h.ippineis and tranquil- lity to that of care, vice, and folly ! Their once .happy lives are now imbitter'd with envy, paf- fion, vanity, felfifhnefs, and inconftancy; and who are they to curfe for this change ? Urgan- da, the loll Urganda. A 1 R. Jf pure are tbe fyrings of the fountain, O As -purely the river will flow, $_. If noxious the ftream from the mountain, ^ ^ It poifons the valley beloiv : ^ 5- So of vice , or of virtue, pojfifti ~. ** Tbe throne makes the nation^ ^ " Thro" 1 e^ry gradation^ ^ Or wretched, or blejl. ^ URGANDA. Let us talk calmly of this matter. MERLIN. I'll converfe with you no more becaufe I will be no more deceiv'd : I cannot hate you, tho" I fhun you Yet, in my mifery, I have this confolation, that the pangs of my jealouly are at Icalt equall'd by the tormen:s of your Iruit- lefs paflion. B 2 Still 4 C Y M O N. Still wifti and figh, and wifh again, LOVE is dethron'd, REVENGE fhall re'gn ! Still (hall my pow'r your arts confound, AND CYMON'S CURE SHALL BE URGANDA'S WOUND. [Exit Merlin. U R G A N D A. <* Ar.d Cymon'j cure Jhall be Urganda'^ wound l n What my fiery is couch'd in thefe words ? What can he mean ? Enter Fatima, looking after Merlin. F A T I M A. Fll tell you, madam, when he is out of hear- ing He means mifchief, and terrible mifchief too; no lefs, I believe, than ravifhing you, and putting my tongue out I wifli we were out qf his clutches. U R G A N D A. Dun't fear, Fatima. FATIMA. I can't help it, he has great power, and is mif- chievoufly angry. U R G A N D A. Here is your protection, (Jbfwitg hzr wand,} My power is at lead equal to his (mitfes.) " And CymonV cure Jhall be Urganda'j wound!" FATIMA. Don't trouble your head with thefe odd erds of verles, which were fpoke in a paffion ; or, perhaps, for the rhyme's fake. Think a lictlc to clear us from this old mifchief-muking con- jurer What will you do, madam ? UJLGANr C Y M O N. 5 U R G A N D A. What can I do, Fatima ? F A T I M A. You might very eafily fettle matters with him, if you cou'd as eafily fettle 'em with your^ felf. U R G A N D A. Tell me how ? FATIMA. Marry Merlin, and fend away the young fel- low. (Urganda Jhakes her bead.} I thought fo we are all alike, and that folly of ours of pre- ferring two-and-twenty to two-and-forty, runs thro' the whole fex of us but, before matters grow worfe, give me leave to reafon a little with you, madam. URGANDA. I am in love, Fatima FATIMA. And poor reafon may ftay at home me ex- a<5tly ! Ay, ay, we are all alike but with this difference, madam yourpaflionisfurelyaftrange one you have ftolen away this young man j who, bating his youth and figure, has not one fingle circumftance to create aflre&ion about him: He is half an ideot, madam, which is no great compliment to your wifdom,your beauty, or your power. URGANDA. I defpife them all -for they can neither relieve my paflion, or create one where I would have fhcm. 8 AIR. 6 CYMON] A I R. What is knowledge ) and beauty, and -power, Or wlat is a.y magical art ? Can I fir a day, for an hour, Have beauty to make the ycutb kind, Ilavepo-w'r o'er Us mind, Or knowledge to warm bis cdd heart : ! r,o a weak boy all my magic difarms, And Ifigballtbe day with my power and my charms. \ F A T I M A. Sigh all the day !- More fhame for you madam Cymon is incapable of being touch'd with any thing; norhing gives him pleafure, but twirling his cap, and hunting butterflies hc'il make a lad lover indeed, madam U R G A N D A. 1 can wait with patience for the recovery of his underftanding -, it begins to dawn already. F A T J M A. Where pray ? U R G A N D A, In his eyes. F A T I M A. ' Eyes ! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Love has none, ma- dam the htart only lees, on theie occafions Cymon was born a fool and his eyes will never look as you would have them, take my word for it. U R G A N D A. Don't make me def[ air, Fatima. 4 FATIMA. C Y M O N. 7 F A T I M A. Don't lofe your time then; 'tis the bufmefs of beauty to make fools, and not cure 'em Even I, poor I, could have made twenty fools of wile men, in half the time that you have been en- deavouring to make your fool fenlible O ! 'tis a lad way of Ipending one's time. U R G A N D A. Hold your tongue, Fatima my paffion is too fer.ous to be jetted with. FATIMA. Far gone indeed, madam and yonder goes the precious objedt of it. (looking out. U R G A N D A. He feems melancholy : what's the matter with him ? FATIMA. He's a fool, or he might make himfclf very merry among us I'll leave you to make the mod of him. U R G A N D A. Stay, Fatima and help me to divert him. FATIMA. A fad time, when a lady muft call in help to divert her gallant ! but I'm at your fervice. U R G A N D A. A I R. Hither, all my fpirits, With your magic powers attend^ Chafe the mifts that do -id bis mind: Mufick, melt the frozen boy, Raife his foul to love and joy ; Dulnefs makes the heart unkind. Enter C Y M O N, Enter Cymon melancholy. C Y M O N. What do you-fing for ? Heigho ! F A T I M A. What's the matter, young gentleman ? CYMON. Heigho ! U R G A N D A. Are you not well, Cymon ? CYMON. y eSj I am very well. U R G A N D A. Why do you figh then ? CYMON. Eh! (looks foolijhly.) F A T I M A. Do you fee it in his eyes, now, madam ? U R G A N D A. Prithee, be quiet What is it you want ? tell me, Cymon Tell me your wiflies, and you (hall have 'em. CYMON. Shall I? U R G A N D A. Yes indeed, Cymon. F A T I M A. Now, for it. CYMON. I wilh heigho.! tJRGAN- C Y M O N. 9 U R G A N D A. Thefe fighs muft mean fomething. (afide to Fatima.) F A T I M A. I wifh you joy then; find it out, madam. U R G A N D A. What do you figh for ? C Y M O N. I want (figbs.) U R G A N D A. What, what, my fweet creature ? (eagerly.) C Y M O N. To go away. FATIMA. la! the meaning's out. U R G A N D A. What would you leave me then ? C Y M O N. Yes. U R G A N D A Why would you leave me ? C Y M O N. 1 don't know. U R G A N D A. Where would you go ? C Y M O N. Any where. U R G A N D A. Had you rather go any where, than ftay with me? * C CYMOtft io C Y M O N. CYMON. I had rather go any where, than flay with any body. U R G A N D A. But you can't love me, if you would leave me, Cymon. C Y M O N. Love you ! what's that. U R G A N D A. Do you feel nothing here ? In your heart, Cymon ? CYMON. Yes, I do. U R G A N D A. "What is it? CYMON. I don't know. (/&* ) U R G A N D A. That's a figh, Cymon am I the caufe of it? CYMON. Yes, indeed you are. U R G A N D A. Then I am bleft ! F A T I M A. Poor lady ! U R G A N D A, But how do I caufe it ? CYMON. You won't let me go away. F A T I M A. Poor lady \ (ofide.} 4 URCANDA. C Y M O N. U R G A N D A. Will you love me, If I let you go ? C Y M O N. Any thing, if you'll let me go pray let me g- U R G A N D A. You can't love me, and go too. C Y M O N. Let me try. F A T I M A. I'm out of all patience what the deuce would you have, young gentleman ? Had you one gram of underfbnding, or a fpark of fenfibility in you, you would know and feel yourfeU to be the hap- pieft of mortals. C Y M O N. I had rather go, for all that. F A T I M A. The p'cture of the whole fex ! Oh ! madaTi fondnefs will never do, a little coquetry is the thing , I bait my hook with nothing elfe ; and I always catch fifh. (afide to Urganda.) U R G A N D A. What ! had you rather go away than live here in fplendor, be caref-,'d by me, and have all your commands obey'd ? C Y M O N. All my commands obcy'd ? URGANDA. Yes, my dear Cymon \ give me y^- ff! Yion*, and I w,li give you my power you Hull be lord of me and mine, C 2 CYMON, , 2 C Y M O N, C Y M O N. Ola! F A T I M A. O, the fool! U R G A N D A. I will (hew him my power, and captivate his heart thro' his fcnfes. F A T I M A. You'll throw away your powder and fhot. Urganda waves her wand, and the ft age changes to a magnificent garden. Cupid and tbe Loves de- fiend, CUPID. A I R. / why will you call me again, 9 Tis in vain^ 'tis in vain ; The pow'rs of a god Cannot quicken this clod, Alas ! // is labour in vain : O Venus my mother , fome new objeft give her ! Ibis blunts all my arrows, and empties my quiver. A dance by Cupid and followers. "During tbe entertainments of Singing and Dancing y Cymon at firft flares about him, then grows in- attentive, and at laft falls ajlcep. URGANDA. Look, Fatima, nothing can affect his infenfi- bility and yet, what a beautiful fimplicity ! FATIMA. C Y M O N. 31 F A T I M A. Turn him out among the fheep, madam, and think no more ot him 'Tis all labour in vain, as the fong fays, I allure you. U R G A N D A. Cymon, Cymon! what are you dead to thefe entertainments ? CYMON. Dead ! I hope not. (Jlarts.) U R G A N D A. How can you be fo unmov'd ? CYMON. They tir'd me fo, that I wifh'd 'em a good night, and went to deep But where are they ? U R G A N D A, They are gone, Cymon. CYMON. Then let me go too. (going.) F A T I M A. The old ftory J U R G A N D A. Whither would you go ? Tell me, and I'll go with you, my fweet youth. CYMON. No, I'll go by myfelf. U R G A N D A. C Y M O N. 19 \vifh fhe was out of the country with all my foul. FIRST SHEPHERDESS. And fo (he ought to be. She has no bnfinefs here with her good qualities. Nobody knows who flic is, or whence fhe came. She was left here with old Dorcas ; but how, or by whom, or for what, except to make mifchiet among us, I know not There is fome myftery about her, and I'll find it out. SECOND SHEPHERDESS. But will your quarrelling with her bring back your fweetheart? FIRST SHEPHERDESS. No matter for that when the heart is over- loaded, any vent is a relief to it; and that of the tongue is always the readied and moft natural So it you won't help me to find her, you may day where you will. LINGO, finding without. Care files from the lad that is merry. SECOND SHEPHERDESS. Here comes the merry Linco, who never knew care, or felt forrow. If you .can bear his laughing at your griefs, or finging away his own, you may get fome information from him. Enter ~L\nco Jinking. LINCO. What, my g'rls of ten thoufand .! I .was this moment defying love and all his mifchief, and you are fent in the nick by him, to try my ^courage-, but I'm above temptation, or below it I duck down, and all his arrows fly over me. Dz AIR. 26 C Y M O N. A I R. Care flies from the lad that is merry, Who's heart is as found, And cheeks are as round, . As round, and as red as a cherry. FIRST SHEPHERDESS. What, are you always thus? L I N C O. Ay, or Heav'n help rre! What would you have me do as you do walking with your arms a.crofs, thus heighho'ing by the brook fide among the willows. Oh! fye r'or fliame, laflcs! young and handlome, and fighing after one fellow a-piece, when you mould have a hundred in a drove, following you like like you mall have the fimiie another time. SECOND SHEPHERDESS. No; prithee, Linco, give it us now. L I N C O. You fhall have it or, what's better, I'll tell you what you are not like you are not l;ke ' our Shepherdefs Sylvia (he's fo cold, and fq coy, that (he flics from her lovers, but is ne- ver whhout a fcore of them; you are always runr.ing after the fellows, and yet are always alone; a very great difference, let me tell you - froft and fire, that's all. SECOND SHEPHERDESS. Don't imagine, that I am in the pining con- dition my poor fiftcr is I am as happy as Ihe is jfmferable. LINCO C Y M O N. at LIN C O. Good lack, Pm forry for't. SECOND SHEPHERDESS. What, forry that I am happy ? L I N C O. O! no, prodigious glad. FIRST SHEPHERDESS. That I am miferable? LINGO. No, no: prodigious forry for that and prodigious glad of the other. FIRST SHEPHERDESS. Be my friend, Linco ; and I'll confefs my folly to you. LINCO Don't trouble yourfelf 'cis plain enough to JDC feen but I'll give you a receipt for it without fee or reward there's iriendfhip for you. FIRST SHEPERDESS. Prithee, be ferious a little. L I N C O. No; Heav'n forbid! if I am ferious, 'tis all over with me I Ihould foon change my rofes for your lilies. SECOND SHEPHERDESS. Don't be impudent, Linco But give us your receipt. LINCO. A I R. I laugh, and Ifing, J am blithfom and free ', The rogue's little jling^ It can never reach me : For with fat, !a, /j, la! And ha, ha t ha, ha! It can ntver reach me. if r Y M o N. n. Myjkin is fo tough, Or fo blinking is be, He can't pierce my buff, Or be wjfes poor me. For with fal, la, la la! And ha, ha, ha, ha ! He mijfes poor me. III. O, never be dull, By the fad id How tree: Of mirth be brim full, Attd run ever like me. For withfal, la, la, la ! And ha, ha, ha, ha! Run over like me. FIRST SHEPHERDESS. It won't do ! L I N C O. Then you are far gone, indeed. FIRST SHEPHERDESS. And as 1 can't cure my love, I'll revenge it* L I N C O. But how, how, (hepherdefs ? FIRST SHEPHERDESS. I'll tear Sylvia's eyes out. L I N C O. That's your only way for you'll give your nails a feaft, and prevent mifchief for the future Oh! tear her eyes out by all mear 9. SECOND C Y M O N. 23 SECOND SHEPHERDESS. How can you laugh, Linco, at .my lifter in her condition? LINCO. I muft laugh at fomething; fhall I be merry wich you ? SECQND SHEPHERDESS. The happy fhepherd can bear to be laugh'd at. LINCO. Then Sylvia might take your fhepherd with- out a figh, tho' your filter would tear her eyes our, SECOND SHEPHERDESS. My fhepherd ! what does the fool mean ? FIRST SHEPHERDESS. Her (hepherd! pray tell us, Linco. (E#gwfy, LINCO. 'Tis no fecret I fuppofe I only met Damon and Sylvia together. SECOND SHEPHERDESS. What, my Damon ? LINCO. Your Damon that was, and that would be Sylvia's Damon if me would accept of him. SECOND SHEPHERDESS. Her Damon! I'll make her to know a wicked Out !-- a vile fellow Come, fifter, I'm ready to go with you well give her her own if our old governor continues to caft a fheep's eye at me, I'll have her turn'd out of Arcadia, I warrant you. FIRST 24 C Y M O N. FIRST SHEPHERDESS. This is fome comfort, however, ha, ha, ha! SECOND SHEPHERDESS. Very well, fitter! you may laugh, if you pleafe but perhaps it is too foon Linco may be miftaken; it may be your Dorilas that was with her. LINCO. And your Damon too, and Strephon, and Colin, and Alexis, and Egon, and Croydon, and every fool of the parilh but Linco, and he Sticks to fal, lal t la, la ! And ha> ha y ha ! FIRST SHEPHERDESS. I can't bear to fee him fo merry , when I am fo miferable. [Exit. SECOND SHEPHERDESS. There is fome fatisfaction in feeing one's fitter as miferable as one's felf. [ Exit. LINCO , Ha, ha, ha! O how the pretty fweet tern- per'd creatures are ruffled. A I R. ttis love puts 'em all in commotion. For preach what you will, 'They cannot beftillj No more than the wind or the ocean. [Exit. SCENE C Y M O N. 25 SCENE, changes to a rural profpefl. Sylvia is d';f cover* d> fyng upon a bank. Enter Merlin. MERLIN. My art fucceeds which hither has convey'd, To catch the eye of Cymon, this fweet maid. Her charms (hall clear the mifts which cloud his mind, And make him warm, and fenfible, and kind j Her yet cold heart with pafiion's fighs (hall move, Melt as he melts, and give him Love for Love. This magic touch mall to thefe flowVs impart [Touches a baftet of flowers with his wand, A power when beauty gains, to fix the heart; A power, the falfe enchantrefs mail confound , And CymonV cure Jk all be Urganda'j wound. [Exit, Enter Cymon with his Bird. CYMON. Away, prifoner, and make yourfelf merry. (Bird flies.} Ay, ay, I knew how it would be with you much good may it do you, Bob. What a fweet place this is ! Hills, and greens, and rocks, and trees, and water, and fun, and birds ! Dear me, 'tis juft as if I had never feen it before ! [Wkiftles about till he fees Sylvia, then flops and Jinks his whtftling by degrees, with a look and attitude offoolijh ajtonijhment. E O la ! 26 C Y M O N, C la! wrnt's here!-- -'Tis fomethingf dropp'd from the Heavens fure, and yet 'tis like a \vormn too! Blefs me! is it alive! (Sighs.} It can't be dead, for its cheek is as red a^ a role, and it moves about the heart of it I am afraid of it, and yet can't leave it. 1 begin to feel fomething ftrange here. (Lays his hand on his b art aifdjfgbs.) I don't know what's the mat- ter with me 1 wifh it would wake, that I might fee iis eyrs. If it fbould look gentle, and fmile upon me, I {hould be glad to play with it Ay, ay. thrre's fomething now in my bread that they toH me of it feels oddly to me and yet I don'c difiike it. A I R. (advancing.) (retiring,) (advancing.) (retiring.) (advances and retires.) amaze ! Wonder, Praife, or ever could I gaze f Creep Jiill near it, Yet I fear it, I can neither flay nor go, Can '/ forfake it, Dare not ivake it, SLall 1 touch it ? no, no, no ! II. Cymon, fare thou art poffe/t, S -me! kings got into tly brcaft, Gently Jleating, Strangely feeling, And my heart is panting fo, Fm fad and nd retires gently, pulling off his cap. SYLVIA, (confuftd ) Who's that ? C Y M O N. 'Tis I. (bowing and befit ating.} SYLVIA. What's your name ? C Y M O N. Cymon. S Y L V I A. What do you want, young man ? E 2 CYMON. a g C Y M O N. C Y M O N. Nothing, young woman. SYLVIA. "What arc you doing there ? C Y M O N. Looking at you there. SYLVIA. What a pretty creature it is ! (4fidt.) C Y M O N. What eyes it has ! (dfide.} SYLVIA. You don't intend me any harm ? C Y M O N. Not I indeed! -I wim you don't do me fome. Arc you a fairy, pray ? SYLVIA. No I am a poor harmlcfs fhepherdefs. C Y M O N. T don't know that You have bewitchM me, 1 believe. SYLVIA. Indeed, I have not ; and if it v/as in my power to harm you, I'm fure it is not in my inclination. C Y M O N. I'm fure, I would truft you to do any thing with me. SYLVIA. Would you? (Sighs.} C Y M O N. Yes, indeed, I would. (Sighs) SYLVIA. C Y M O N, 29 SYLVIA. i Why do you look fo at me ? C Y M O N. Why do you look fo at me ? SYLVIA. I can't help it. (Sighs.} C Y M O N. Nor I neither (Sighs.*) I wifli you'd fpeak to me, and look at me, as Urganda does. SYLVIA. What the Enchantrefs ? Do you belong to her? C Y M O N. I had rather belong to you I would not de- firc to go abroad, if I did. SYLVIA. Does Urganda love you ? C Y M O N. So (he fays. SYLVIA. I'm forry for it. C Y M O N. Why are you forry, pray ? SYLVIA. I fhall never fee you again I wiih I had not feen you now ! C Y M O N. If you did but wifh as I do, all the enchant- refifes in the world could not hinder us from fee- ing one another. SYLVIA. ' 3 o C Y M O N. SYLVIA. Do you love Urganda ? C Y M O N. Do you love the Shepherds ? SYLVIA. I did not know what Love was this morning. C Y M O N. Nor I, 'till this afternoon. Who taught you, pray ? SYLVIA. Who taught you ? C Y M O N. (Bajhful} You. SYLVIA. (Biujhing.) You. C Y M O N. You could teach me any thing, if I was to live with you I fhould not be call'd Simple Cy- mon any more. SYLVIA. Nor I, hard-hearted Sylvia. C Y M O N. Sylvia what a fweet name ! I could fpeak it for ever. (Transported.} SYLVIA. I can never forget that of Cymon : Tho' Cy- mon may forget me. (Jtgbs.) CYMON. Never, never, my fweet Sylvia. [Fa!Ts on bis knees, and kiffes her band. SYLVIA. C Y M O N. 3 r SYLVIA. We fliall be feen and feparated for ever ! Pray let me go we are undone if we are feen 1 muft go I am all over in a flutter ! C Y M O N. When fhall I fee you again ? In half .aa hour ? SYLVIA. Half an hour ! that will be too foon No, no, it muft be three quarters of an hour. C Y M O N. And where, my fweet Sylvia? SYLVIA. Any where, my fweet Cymon. C Y M O N. In the grove by the river there. SYLVIA. And you fhall take this to r emember it. (Gives him the nofegay enchanted by Merlin.) I wifa it were a kingdom, I would give it you, and a queen along with it. CYMON. How my heart is tranfported ! and here is one for you too ; which is of no value to me, unlefs you will receive it take it, my fweet Sylvia. [Cymon gives her UrgandaV nofegay. DUET. 32 C Y M O N. DUET. Syl. O take this nofegay^ gentle youth, Cym. And you, fives t waid, take mine; Syl. Unlike thefe flower s^ be thy fair truth \ Cym. Unlike thefe flowers be thine. Thefe changing foon^ Will fan decay ^ Be fweet till noon^ tfben gafs away. Fair for a time their tranfunt charms appear \ But truth unchanged /hall bloom for ever here. [Each prefling their Hearts. [Exeunt. END of tie SECOND ACT. C Y M 6 N, ACT III. SCENE, before Urganda'j Palace. Eiiter Urganda 'and Fatima. U R G A N D A. IS he not return'd yet, Fatima ? FATIMA. He has no feelings but thofe of hunger; when that pinches him, he'll return to be fed, like other animals. U R G A N D A. Indeed, Fatima, his infenfibility aftonifhes and diftra&s me. I have exhaufled ill my arts to overcome it; I have run all dangers to make ah impreffion upon him ; and, inilead of rinding my paOTion in the lead abated by his ingratitude, I am only a greater Have to my weaknefs, and more incapable of relief. FATIMA. Why then I may as Well hold my tongue - but before I would wafte all the prime of mjr 'womanhood in playing fuch a lofing game, I would but 1 fee you don't mind me, madam, and the refore I'll fay no more I know the con- fequence, and muft fubmit. F tJRGAM- 34 C Y M O N. U R G A N D A. What can I do in my fituation ? F A T I M A. What you ought to do and you belye your beauty and und^rltanding by not doing it. U R G A N D A. Explain yourielf. F A T I M A. To fecure my tongue, and your honour, (for M-rlin will have you by hook or by crook) marry him directly it will prevent mifchief at kail fo much f ' r prudence. During y:>ur ho- rey-moon, I will h;de the young grntleman, and if he has any tinder in him, kindle him up for you. If your hufband fhould be tired of you, as ten to one he will, I'll ftep in his way, he may be ghd of the change, and in return, Fll rrilore young Simplicity to you. That's vhat I call a fafoioqable icheme. U R G A N D A. I can't bear trifling at this time you'll make m a angry with you But fee where Cymon ap- proacheshe icems tranfported Look, look, Farima! He is kifilng and embracing my nofe- g j .y it has had the dciired effecl, and I am happy we'll be invifible, that I may obierve his tranfports. Urganda waves her wand, and retires with Fatima. Enter Cymon, hugging a nofeg.y. CYMON. Oh my drar, fwert, charming nof'gay ! To fee thee, to linell thce, and to tafle thee, (Kijfes 4 ^-) C Y M O N. 35 it.} will make Urganda and her garden delight- ful to me. (KrJ/es it.} F A T 1 M A. What does he fay ? URGANDA. Hum, hum ! all tranfport, and about me ? What a change is rhis ? C Y M O N. With this I can want for nothing. I pofiefs every thing with this. My mind and heart are expanded : I feel I know not what Every thought that delights, and every pafliun that tranfports, gather, like ib many bees, about this treafure of fwtetnefs. Oh, the dear, dear nofegay, and the dear, dear giver of it ! URGANDA. The dear, dear giver. Mind that, Fatima ! What heavenly eloquence i Here's a change of heart and mind! heigho ! FATIMA. I'm all amazement ! in a dream ! but is that your nofegay ? URGANDA. Mine ! how can you doubt it ? FATIMA. Nay, I'm near figured. c y M o N, She has not a beauty that is not brought to mind by rhefe flowers.- This is the colour or hair this GJ her (kin this of her c'-.cek- of hr-r yes Jiis of her \.\^ fweet, 1\\- and th-fe ro'e bu !s Oh ! 1 (hall go wits with pleasure ! F 2 FA 3 C Y M O N. F A T I M A. 'Tis pjty to lofe 'em the moment you have found 'em. U R G A N D A. O Fatima! I never was proud of my power, or vain of my beauty, till this tranfporting mo- ment ! C Y M O N. Where (hall I put it ? Where mall I conceal it from every body ? I'll keep it in my bofom, riext my heart, all the day , and at night, I will put it upon niy pillow, and talk to it and fi^h to it and fwear to it and fleep by it and it for ever and ever ! A I R. What exqut/ife pleafure ! Thisfooeet treafure from me they Jh all never Sever ; In thee, in thee. My charmer I fee, Plljigh, and carefs ril kifs thee, and prefs thee $hus^ thui) to my bofom for ever and ever. Urganda and Fatima come forward, Cymon ftarts at feeing Urganda, and puts. tb& nofegay in his bofom with great confufion. URGANDA. (Smiling.) Pray, what is that you would kifs, and prefs tp your bofom for ever and ever ? c y M o N. Nothing but the end of an old fong the fliep- herds taught me, u rilfigh and carefs thee, VU kifs. C Y M O N. ^ kifs tbee and prefs thee" that's all [Pretends toftnr* F A T I M A. Upon my word! a very hopeful youth indeed, and much improved in his finging What think you know ? {Afide to Urganda. U R G A N D A. Nothing but his bafhfulnefs ftruggling with his paflion. What was that you was talking to ? C Y M O N. Myfelf, ;o be fure, I had nothing elfe to talk to. URGANDA. Yes, but you have, Cymon don't be afliarn'd of what you ought to be proud of there is fomething in your bofom, next you heart. C Y M O N. Yes, fo there is. URGANDA. What is it, Cymon ? (Smiling,} F A T I M A. Now his mpdefty is giving way ; we (hall ha.ve him at laft. (afide. CYMON. Nothing but a nofegay. URGANDA. That which I gave you ? let me fee it. CYMON. What! give a thing, and take it away ain ? URGANDA. I would not take it away for the world. 3 8 C Y M O N. C Y M O N. Nor would I give it you, for a hundred worlds. F A T I M A. See it by all means, madam. I have my rea- fons. (afide to Urganda.) U R G A N D A. I muft fee it, Cymon, and therefore no delay you cannot have the love you feem'd to have but now, and refufe me. CYMON. O but I can, and for that reafon. URGANDA. Don't provoke me I will fee jr., or (hut you up for ever. C Y M O N. What a ftir is here about nothing! Now are you fausfied ? [He holds the nofegay at a diftance. Urganda and Fatima luck at one another with fur- FATIMA. I was right. URGANDA. And I am miferable ! CYMON. Have you feen it enough ? URGANDA. That is not mine, Cymon. CYMON. No 'tis mine. URGAN- C Y M O N. 39 U R G A N D A. Who gave it you ? C Y M O N. A perfon. U R G A N D A. What perfon male or female ? C Y M O N. La ! how can I tell ? F A T I M A. Finely improved indeed ! a genius ! (aftde) U R G A N D A. I muft difiemble. (af;dc.} Lookee, Cymon; I did but fport with you the nofegay was your own, and you had a right to give it away, or throw it away. CYMON. Indeed, but I did not I only gave it for this which as it is fo much finer and fweeter, I thought would not vex you. U R G A N D A. Heigho ! (afide.} F A T I M A. Vex her ! O not in the lead. But you mould not have given away her prefent to a vulgar creature. CYMON. How dare you talk to me fo ? I would have you to know, me is neither ugly, nor vulgar. F A T I M A. Oh (he ! your humble lervant, young Sim- plicity ! La, how can you tell whether it is male or female! (Mimicks Cymon, who ferns confounded. URGAN- 4 " I'll kifs thee, and prefs thee " Thus, thus, to my bofom for ever and " ever." [Exit Cymonjinging* F A T I M A. You are a philofopher, indeed ! I) R G A N D A. A female one Fatirria : I have hid the moft racking jealoufy under this falfe appearance, in order to deceive him. I mail by this means difcover the caufe of his joy, and my mitery 5 and when that is known, you fhall fee whether I am moft of a woman, or a philofopher. F A T I M A. Ill lay ten to one of the woman, in matters of this nature. U R G A N D A. Let him have liberty to go wherever he pleafes 1 will have him watch'd ; that office be your's, my faithful Fatima about it in- ftantly don't lofe fight of him no reply a word more. C Y M O N. 41 F A T I M A. That's very hard but I'm gone. [#;'/ U R G A N D A. When I have difcovcr'd the object of his pre- fent tranfports, 1 will make her nv.'re wretched than any of her fex except myfelf. A I R. Hence every hope ', and every fear ! Awake ,~ awake, my power and pride, Let Jealoufy, Jlern Jealoufy appear ! With Vengeance at her fide ! II. Whofcornsmy charms, my power Jh all prcvs. Revenge fucceeds to flighted love! Revenge! But Ob, my fighing heart With rebel Love takes part ; Now pants again with all her fears, And drowns her rage in tears. [ex it. SCENE, Dorcas'* Cottage. Sylvia at the door with Cymon'j nofgay in her hand. A I R. Thefe flowers, like our hearts, are united in one, And are bound upfofaft, that they can't be undone; So well are they blended, fo beauteous to fight, There fprings from their union a tenfold delight ; Nor poifcn, nor weed here^ our pajfion to warn ; But fweet without briar, the rofe without thorn. G The 42 C Y M O N. The more I look upon this nofegay, the more I feel Cymon in my heart and mind Ever fince I have feen him, heard his vows, and received this nofegay from him, I am in conti- nual agitation, and cannot reft a moment. I wander withottt knowing where 1 fpeak without knowing to whom, and I look with- out knowing at what. Heigho ! how my poof heart flutters in my breaft ! Now I dread to lofe him, and now again I think him mine for ever ! A I R. why fhoitla we forrow, who never knew Jin ! Letfmiles of content Jhew our rapture within : 'This love has fo raised me, I now tread in air ! He's furefent from Heaven to lighten my car el II. Each Jhepherdefs views me with fcorn and difdain ! Each Jhepberd purfues me^ but all is in vain : No more will 1 for row, no longer defpair^ He's fur efint from Heaven to lighten my care! (LiNco is feen lijlening to herfinging,} LINGO. If you were as wicked, fhepherdefs, as you are innocent, that voice of your's would corrupt juftice herfelf, unlefs fhe was deaf, as well as blind. SYLVIA. I hope you did not overhear me, Linco ? 1 1 x eo. C Y M O N. 43 LINGO. O,but I did tho* and, notwithflanding I come as the deputy of a deputy governor, to bring you before my principal, for fome complaints m;;de againft you by a certain fhepherdefs, I will Hand your friend, tho' I lofe my place for it there are not many fuch friends, mepherdefs. SYLVIA. "What have I done to the fhepherdefies, that they perfecute me fo? LINGO. You are much toohandfome, which is a crime the beft of 'em can't forgive you. SYLVIA. I'll truft myfelf with you, and face my ene- mies. [As they are going, Dorcas calls frem tbe Cottage. DORCAS. Where are you going, child ? Who is that with you, Sylvia? LINGO. Now mail we be ftopp*d by this good old wo- man, who will know all and can fcarce hear any thing. DORCAS (coming forward.} I'll fee who you have with you. LINGO. 'Tis I, dame, your kinfman Linco. (Speaks loud in her ear. G 2 DORCAS. 44 C Y M O N. DORCAS. O, is it you, honeft Linco ! (fakes Us hand.} Well, what's to do now. LINCO. The governor de fmrs to fpeak with Sylvia ; afri-ndly enquiry, that's all. (Speaks loud.} DORCAS. For what, for what tell me that I have nothing to do with his defines, nor Ihe neither he is arown very inqiiifitive of late about fhepherdtflcs Fine doings, indeed ! No fuch doings when I was young if he wants to ex- amine any body, why don't he examine me ? I'll give him an anfsver, let him be as inquifidve as he pleafes. LINCO. But I am your kinfman, dame, and you dare trull me lure. (Speaks hud. DORCAS. Thou art the beft of 'em, that I'll fay for thee : but the beft of you are bad when a young woman is in the cafe 1 have gone through great difficulties myfelf, I can affure you, in better times than thefe : why muft not I go too ? LINCO. We fhall return to you again before you can get there. (Still fpeaking loud} SYLVIA. You may truft us, mother, my own inno- cence, and Linco's goodnefs, will be guar4 enough for me. C Y M O N. 45 DORCAS. Eh ! what! L I N C O. She fays, you may truft me with her inno- cence. (Speaking louder. DORCAS. Well, well I will then thou art a fweet creature-, and I love thee better than even I did my own child .kiffes Sylvia.) When thou art fetched away by him that brought thee, 'twill be a woeful day for me. Well, well, go thy ways with Unco I dare truft thee any where I'll prepare thy dinner at thy return ; and bring rny honeft kinfman along with you. L I N C O. We will be with you, before you can make the pot boil. DORCAS. Before what ! L I N C O. We will be with you, before you can make the pot boil. (Speaks very hud, and goes off with Sylvia. DORCAS. Heav'n fhield thee, for the fweeteft, bed crearure that ever bleft old age What a comfort Hie is to me! Ail I have to wifh for in this world, is to know who thou art, who brought thee to me, and then to fee thee as happy as thou haft made poor Dorcas. Whatman the governor want with her? I wifh I had gone too I'd have talk'd to him, and to the purpole We had no iuch doings when I was a young woman ! they never made fuch a fufs with me ! A I R. 4 6 C Y M O N. A I R. When J were young, the? now am old, The men were kind and true ; But now they're grown fo falfe and hid, What can a woman do ? Now what can a woman do f For men are truly ^ So unruly, I tremble at feventy-two ! II. When I were fair thd* now fo fo, No hearts were given to 'rove, Our pulfes beat nor f aft, ncr Jlow, But all was faith and love ; What can a wcman do ? Now what can a woman do ? For men are truly > So unruly, I tremble at feventy- two ! [Exit. SCENE, the Magiftrates Houfe. Enter Dorus, and Second Sbepberdefs. D O R U S. This way, this way, damfel now we are alone, I can hear your grievances, and will re- drefs them, that I will you have my good liking, damfel, and favour follows of courfe. SECOND SHEPHERDESS. I vvant words, your honour and worfliip, to thank you fitly. DORUS, G Y M O N. 47 D O R U S. Smile upon me, damfel Smile, and com- mand me your hand is whiter than ever, I proteft you muft indulge me with a chafte lalute. (ki/es her bar.d. SECOND SHEPHERDESS. La ! your honour. (Curtftes.) D O R U S. You have charm'd me, damfel ; and I can deny you nothing another chafte lalute 'tis a perfect cordial (kijfes her band.} Well, whar. fhall 1 do with this Sylvia, this ftranger, this baggage, that has affronted thee ? I'll fend her where fhe mail never vex thee again an impu- dent, wicked (kijjes her hand.} I'll fend her packing this very day. SECOND SHEHEPRDESS. I yow your worfhip is too good to me. (Leering at him. D O R U S. Nothing's too good for thee I'll fend her off directly. -^-Don't fret and teaze thylelt about her go me mail, and fpeedily too. 1 have fent my deputy Linco for that Dorcas, who has harbour'd this Sylvia without my knowledge, and the country mail be rid of her to-morrow morning. Smile upon me, damfel fmile upon me. SECOND SHEPHERDESS. I wou'd I were half rs hanufome as Sylvia, I might imile to good purpofe. 8 DORUS. 48 C M YON. D O R U S. I'll Sylvia her! an impudent vagrant She can neither fmile or whine to any purpofe, while I am to govern.' >hr fhall go to morrow,. damfel this hand, this lily hand, has fign'd her fate, (kiffes if.) Enttr Linco. L I N C O. No bribery and corruption, I beg of your honour. D O R U S. You are too bold, Linco Where did you learn this impertinence to your fuptriors ? LINCO. From an old fong, and pleafe your honour, where I get all my wifdom Heav'n help me. AIR. Jfjhe wbifpers the judge ^ be be ever fo wife, c Tho > great and important h s truft is ; His hand is unfteady, a pair of black eyes Will kick up the balance 'cfjuftice. II. If his pajjiom areflrong^ his judgment grows weak, For love thro 9 his veins will be creeping ; And his worjbip, when near to a round dimple cb:ek, Tbo* he ought to be blind) wi& be peeping. DORUS. C Y M O N. 49 D O R U S. Poo, poo, 'tis a very foolifh fong, and you're a fool for finging it. SECOND SHEPHERDESS. Linco's no friend of mine; Sylvia can ling, and has enchanted him. L I N C O. My ears have been feafted, that's moll certain but my heart, damfel, is as uncrack'd as your virtue, or his honour's wifdom. There is not too much prefumption in that, I hope. D O R U S. Linco, do your duty, and know your diftance What is come to the fellow ? he is fo altered, I don't know him again. LINCO. Your honour's eye-fight is not fo good as ft was I am always the fame, and Heav'n forbid that mirth mould be a fin I amhalways laugh- ing and finging let who will change, I will not. I laugh at the times, but I can't mend 'em They are woefully alter'd for the worfc but here's my comfort. \Sbcwing bis tabor and -pipe. D O R U S. I'll hear no more of this ribaldry I hate poetry, and I don't like mufick Where is this Vagrant, this Sylvia? LINCO. In the juftice-chamber, waiting for your ho- uour's commands. D O R U S. Why did not you tell me fo ? H LINCO. 5* C Y M O N LINGO I thought your honour better engaged, and that it was too much for you to try two female caufes at one time. D O R U 3. You thought! I won't have you think, but obey Times are chang'd indeed! Deputies inuft not think for their fuperiors. L I N C O. Muft not they! What will become of our poor country! (gting* D O R U S. No more, impertinence, but bring the culprit hither. L J N C O. In the twinkling of your honour's eye. [Exit. SECOND SHEPHERDESS, I leave my griefs in your wqrlbip's hands, D O R U You leave 'em in my heart, damfel, where they foon mall, be changed into pleafures wait for me in the juftice chamber Smile, damfel, fmiie upon me, and edge the fword of juftice. .Enter Linco and Sylvia. SECOND SHEPHERDESS/ Here fhe comes-jfee how like an innocent fhe looksBut I'll-be gone I truft in your wor- Ihip I hate the fight of her I cou'd tear her' mfty eyes out. [Exit DOR us* G Y M O N. 5 i D O R U S. [Gazing at Sylvia. Hem, hem ! I am told, young woman hem, hem ! that ihe does not look fo mifchievous as I expedted. \_Afide^ and turning from her. LINGO. Bear up, fweet fhepherdefs! your beauty and innocence will put injuftice out of countenance. SYLVIA. The mame of being fufpe&ed confounds me, and I can't fpeak. D O R U S. Where is the old woman, Dorcas, they told me of? Did not I order you to bring her before me? L I N C O. The good old woman is fo deaf, and your reverence a little thick of hearing, I thought the bufinefs would be fooner and better done by the young woman. D O R U S. What at your thinking again- Young (hepherd- efs, I hear I hear Hem! Her modefty pleafes me.(y^fc.) What is the reafon, I fay Hem! that that I hear She has very fine features. \_Afidt ', and turning from her. L I N C O. Speak, fpeak, Sylvia, and the bufinefs is done. D O R U S. Js not your name Sylvia ? H 2 LJNCO. $2 ? Y M O N, L I N C O. Yes, your honour, her name is Sylvia. D O R U S. I don't afk you What is your name ? look up and tell me, Ihepherdefs. SYLVIA. Sylvia ! (Si^Bs and curtfas, D O R U S. What a fweet look with her eyes (he has ! (Jjlde.} What can be the reafon, Sylvia that that Hem ! I proteft me difarms my anger. [A/ide, and turns from her. L I N C O. Now is your time; fpeak to his reverence, D O R U S. Don't whifper the prifoner. SYLVIA. Prifoner! Am I a prifoner then? D O R U S. No, not abfolqtely a prifoner; but you are charged, damfel Hem, hem charged, damfel I don't know what to fay to her. \_AJide and turns from her. SYLVIA. With what, your honour ? LINGO. If he begins to. damfel us, we have him (ure. 2 SYLVIA, C Y M O N. $3 SYLVIA. What is my crime ? L I N C O. A little too handfome, that's all. D O R U S. Fold your peace Why don't you look up in my face if you are innocent ? (Sylvia looks at Dorus with great modeftyJ) I can't Hand it fhe has turn'd my anger, myjuftice, and my whole fcheme, topfy-turvy Reach me a chair, Linco. I, I N C O. One fweet fong, Sylvia, before his reverence gives fentence. [Reaches a chair for Dorus. DORUS. No finging, her looks have done too much Already. LINCO. Only to foften your rigour. A I R. From duty if the Jhepherd Jiray, And leave his flocks to feed, The wolf 'will feize the harmlefs prey, dnd innocence will bleed. II. In me a harmlefs iamb behold, Oppreft with every fear ; Q guard, goodjhepherd, guard your fold, For wicked wohef are near. [Kneels. 54, C Y M O N D o R u s. I'll guard thee, and fold thee too, my lambkin and they (han't hurt thee This is a melting ditty indeed! Rife, rife, my Sylvia. [Embraces her. Enter Second Shepherdefs. [Dorus and/tie jlart at Jedng each other, SECOND SHEPHERDESS. Is your reverence taking leave of her before you drive her out of the country ? DORUS. How now! What preemption is this, to break in upon us fo, and interrupt the courfeof juftice? SECOND SHEPHERDESS. May I be permitted to fpeak three words with, your worlhip ? DORUS. Well, well, I will fpeak to you I'll come to you in the the juftice-chamber preicntly, SECOND SHEPHERDESS. I knew the wheedling Out would fpoil all but I'll be up with her yet. \_dfde and Ex. DORUS. I'm glad flie's gone Linco, you muft fencj her away I won't fee her now, LINCO. And lhall I take Sylvia to prifon? D O R -U S. No, no, no; to prifon! mercy forbid!-^ What a fin fliould I have committed to C Y M O N. $ 5 pleafethat envious, jealous-pated fhepherdefs ? Linco, comfort the ctamlcl Dry your eyes, Sylvia I will call upon you myfelf andexamine Dorcas myfelf and protect you myfelf and do every thing myfelf I profefs (he has bewitched me 1 am all agitation ' ' ;1 " -on you to- morrow perhaps r --punaps in half an hour--Takecar- ., I .-inco-fhe has bewitched me, and 1 (hall iofe my wits if I look on her any- longer O'.i \ the fweet, lovely, pretty, delightful creature LINCO. r oi't whimper now, my fweet Sylvia Ji.itice has taken up the fword and fcales again, c.nd your rivals (hall cry their eyes out The day's our own. A I R. Sing kigr> derry deny, "The day is our civn, Be wife and be merry \ Let for row alone - 9 Alter your tone, 'To high derry derry, Be wife and be merry. The day is our own. [Exeunf. END cf the THIRD ACT. C Y M O ACT SCENE, an old Caftle. Enier UK G AND A, greatly agitated. U R G A N D A. LOST, loft Urganda ! Nothing can controul The beating temped of my reftlefs foul ! \Vhilc I prepare, in this dark witching hour, My potent fpells, and call forth all my power Arife, ye demons or" revenge, arife ! Begin your rites unfeen by mortal eyes ; Hurl plagues and mifchiefs thro' the poifon'd air rf And give me vengeance to appeaie dcfpair ! Chorus (underground] We come, we come, we' come. (She waves btr wandy and the cajile vani/hes.} The firft Demon of revenge arifcs* A 1 R. , WTyih mortals charm their cares injleep^ And demons bowl below^ Urganda calls us from the deep, Arife, ye fons of woe ! Ever bufy^ ever witting, All thcfe horrid tafis fulfilling, Which draw from mortal breafts the groati* And make tbdr torments like our own. Chorus (underground] We come, we come, wtf come ! Demerit C r M O N 57 Demons arife and perform their rites. Then Exeunt,, with Urganda at tbtir bead. S C E N E, the Country. Enter LINCO, drawing in DAMON LINGO Nay, nay, but let me talk to you a little by the lark you are early ftirrers has not that gad- fly jealoufy ftung you up to this fame mifchief you are upon ? DAMON. We are commanded by our governor, who has orders from Urganda to bring Cymon and Sylvia before her. LINCO. And you are fond of this employment, are you ? fye, for fhame I know more than you think I know. You were each of you Cgood fouls !)be- troth'd to two (hepherdefies but Sylvia comes in the nick, and away ;go vows, promifes, and proteftations me loving Cymon, and defpifmg you and you. You (hating one another) join cordially to diftrefs them for loving one another fye, for Ihame, fhepherds ! DAMON. What will the governor fay to this? This is fine treatment of your betters, LINCO. If my betters are no better than they mould be, 'tis their fault, and not mine Urganda, Dorus, and you, not being able to reach the I -grapes, 8 C Y M O N. grapes, won't let any body elfe tafte them fye, for fhame, (hepherds 1 DAMON." We have no time to lofe we muft raife the fhepherds, and hunt after thefe young finners ; and you, Mr. Deputy, for all your airs, muft make one in the chafe. LINGO. Before I would follow unlawful game to pleafe a hot-liver'd enchantrefs, an old itching gover- nor, and two fuch jealous-pated noodles as your- felves, I would thruft my pipe through my tabor, chuck it into the river, and myfelf after it. DAMON. Here comes the governor ; now we mall hear what you will fay to him. LINGO. Jnft what I have faid to you ; an honeft laugh- ing fellow, like myfelf, don't mind a governor, though 1 mould raife his fpleen, and lofe my place into the bargain there are not many de- puties in Arcadia of the fame mind. D O R I L A S. Come, come, let us mind our bufinefs, and not his impertinence. DAMON. If the governor would do as I wim him, you would have your deferts, Mr. Deputy Linco. LINGO. And if Cymon could do as I wilh him, you would have your deferts, my gentle fhepherds. Enter C Y M O N. 59 Enter Dorus and Arcadians. D O R U S. Where have you been, Linco ? I fent for you an hour ago. LINCO. I was in bed, your honour; and as 1 don't walk in my fleep, I could not be well with you before I was dreis'd. DORUS. No joking no joking we are ordered by the Enchamrefs to fearch forCymon and Sylvia, and bring them before her. LINCO. I hate to fpoil fport To I'll go home again: (Going.) DORUS. Stay, Linco (be returns'). I command you to do your duty, and go with me in purfuit of thefe young criminals. LINCO. Criminals! heaven blefs them, I fay! I'll go home again. (Going.} DORUS. Was there ever fuch infolence ! Come back, Linco ; how dare you difobey what I order, and Urganda commands ? Give me an anlwer. LINCO. Confcience! confcience! Governor an old fa- fhion'd excufe, but a true one 1 cannot find in my heart to difturb two fweet young I 2 creatures 60 C Y M O N. creatures whom as heaven has put together, I will not attempt to divide; ,'twould be a crying n i I'll go home again. D O R U S. You are a fcandal to your place, and you {hall hold it.no longer; I'll take it from you in- flantly. L I N C O. You cannot take from me a quiet confcience gnd a merry heart; you are heartily welcome to all the reft, Governor. D O R U S. I difmifs you from this moment you (hall be no deputy of mine you mail fufrer for your arrogance ; I (hall tell the Enchantrefs that you are leagu'd with this Sylvia, and will not do your duty. I, I N C O. A word with your honour could you have been leagu'd with this Sylvia too, you would not have done your duty, Mr. Governor. D O R U S. Hem !--- Come along, fhepherds, and don't mind his impudence. [_Exemt Dorus and Shepherds. LINGO. I wifh your reverence a good morning, and I thank you for all favours any fool now that was lefs merry than myfclf, would be outoffpi- rits for being out of place; but as matters are now turn'd topfy turvy, I won't walk upon my head for the beft office in ArcadU--And fo my C T M O N. 61 virtuous old governor, get what deputy you pleafe; I fhill ft ck to my tabor and pipe, and fjng away tne lois of one place, till I can whittle myfelf into another. A I R. When peace here was reigning , And love without waining, Or care or complaining, &afe pe.ffions difdaining; This, thii -was my way, With my pipe and my, tabor* I laugh* d down the day, Nor envy'd the joys of my neighbour, II. Now fad transformation Runs thro" the whole nation ; Peace* love, recreation, AH changed to vexation; This, this is my -r.jc.y, With my pife ard my tabor, I laugh down the day, And pity the cares cj my neighlour. III. While all are defigning, Their friends undermining^ ^ ,~ Reviling, repining, To mifchief inclining ; g> *f Thts, this is my way, ^" ^* With my pipe a d my tabor, S' * J laugh duwn the day, * ^* And pity the cans of my neighbour. [Exit. SCENE, 2 C Y M- O N. SCENE, another Part of the Country. Enter FATIMA. Truly a very pretty mifchievous errand I am fenr upon I am to follow this foolifh young fellow all about to find out his haunts not lo foolilh neither, for he is fo much improved of late, we Ihrewdly fufpect that he muft have fome female to fharpen his intellects For love, among many other ftrange things, can make fools of wits, and wits of fools. I faw our young par- tridge run before me, and take cover here- O abouts , I muft make no noife, for fear of alarm- ing him ; befides, I hate to difturb the poor ihings in pairing time. [Looks thro* tbs bujhes. Enter MERLIN. MERLIN. I {hall fpoil your peeping, thou evil counfellor of a faithlefs miftrefs I muft torment her a little for her good Such females mufb feel much to be made juft and reafonable creatures. Fatima, peeping thro* the bujhes. There they are our fool has made no bad Choice Upon my word, a very pretty couple ! and will make my poor lady's heart ach. MERLIN. 1 mail twinge yours a little before we part. FATIMA. Well faid, Cymon ! upon your kn-ees to her ! Xow for my pocket-book, that I may exactly 8 defcribe C Y M O N. 63 defcribe this rival of ours ; flie is much too hand" fome to live long, (he will be either burnt alive, thrown to wild beads, or (hut up in the Black Tower the greateft mercy fhe can have will be to let her take her choice. [fakes cut a pocket -frock. MERLIN. May be fo but we will prevent the prophecy, if we can. Fatima, writing in her book. She is of a good height, about my fize a fine fhape, delicate features charming hair heavenly eyes; not unlike my own with fuch a fweet fmile ! She muft be burnt alive ! yes, yes, fhe muft be burnt alive. [Merlin taps her upon the Jhoulder 'with his wand. FATIMA. Who's there! blefs me ! Nobody I proteft it ftartled me. I muft finifti my picture. [Writes- en. [Merlin waves his wand over ber head. Now let me fee what I have written. Blefs me, what's here ! all the letters are as red as blood My eyes fail me ! Sure I am bewitched (Reads and trembles.} Urganda^j a Jkameful paf- Jion for Cymon, Cymon a moft virtuous om for Sylvia ; as for Fatima, wild beafts, the Black Tower^ and burning alive, are too good for her. (Drops the book.} I have not power to ftir a Hep I knew what would come of affronting than devil Merlin. [Merlin is vifibk. T.I E R L I N. True, Fatima, and I am here at your fervice, FATIMA. 64 C Y M O N. F A T I M A. moft magnanimous Merlin ! don't fet yotif wit to a poor foolifh weak woman. MERLIN. Why, then, will a foolifh weak woman fet her wit to mr ? But we will be better friends for the future Mark me, Fatima. [Holds up his wand, F A T I M A. No conjuration, I befeech your worfhip, and you mail do any thing with me. MERLIN. 1 want nothing of you but to hold your tongue* FATIMA. Will nothing elfe content your fury ? MERLIN. Silence, babler. FATIMA. I am your own for ever, moft merciful Mer- lin ! I am your own for ever O my poor tongue ! I thought I never mould have wagg'd thee again What a dreadful thing it would be to be dumb ? MERLIN. You fee it is not in the power of Urganda to protect you, or to injure Cymon and Sylvia I will be their protector againft all her arts, tho* fhe has leagu'd herfelf with the demons of re- venge We have no power but what refuhs from our virtue. FATIMA. I had rather lofe any thing than my fpeech. MERLIN* C Y M O N. 5 MERLIN. As you profefs yourfelf my friend (for, with all my art, I cannot fee into a woman's mind) I will mew my gratitude, and my power, by giv- ing your tongue an additional accomplishment. F A T I M A. What, mail I talk more than ever ? MERLIN. (Smiling.) That would be no accomplifhmenr, Fatima. No, I mean that you fhould talk lefs When you return to Urganda, me will be very in- quifitive, and you very ready to tell her all you know, F A T I M A. And may I without offence to your wormip ? MERLIN. Silence, and mark me well obferve me truly and punctually. Every anfwer you give to Ur- ganda's queftions, mufl be confined to two words, Yes and No I have done you a great favour, and you don't perceive it. F A T I M A. Not very clearly, indeed. (Afide MERLIN'. Beware of encroaching a fingle monofylbble upon my injunction ; the moment another word efcapes you, you are dumb. F A T I M A, Heaven preferve me ! what will become of me ! K 66 MERLIN. Remember what I fay as you obey or neg- lect me, you will be punifhed, or rewarded. [MerYmjlrikes thefcene, which opens and dif- covers his dragons and chariot, which carry him awdy. Farewell (Mw>g tober}. Remember me, Fatima. F A T I M A. I (hall never forget you, I am fure What a polite devil it is and what a woeful plight am I in? This 'confining my tongue to two words is much worfe than being quite dumb. I had ra- ther be Hinted in any thing than my fpeech Heigho There never fure was a tax upon the tongue before. A I R. tax my tongue, it is ajhame : Merlin, fure, is much to blame, Not to let itfwectly flow. Yet the favours of the great, And the filly maiden's fate, Of ten follow, Yes or No. Lack-a-day ! Poor Fatima ! Stinted fc, To Yes or No. II. Should I want to talk and chat, tell Urganda this or that.-. How Jhatt I about it go / 6 Let C Y M O N. 67 "Let her afk me what Jhe will t Jwuft keep my clapper ft 'ill, Striking only Yes or No. Latk-a-day ! Poor Fatima ! Stinted f&, To Yes or No- [Exit. SCENE, Enter Cymon and Sylvia (arm in arm). CYMON. You muft not figh, my Sylvia love like ours can have no bitter mingled with its fweets. It has given me eyes, ears, and underftandingj and till they forfake me, 1 mirft be Sylvia's. SYLVIA. And while I retain mine, I know no hap- pinefs but with Cymon , and yet Urganda CYMON Why will you fully again the purity of our joys with the thoughts of that unhappy, becaufe guilty, woman. Has not Merlin difcovered all that was unknown to us ? Has he not promifed us his protection, and told us, that we are the care of fuperior beings, and that more blefllngs, if poffible, are in (lore for us ? What can Sylvia want, when Cymon is completely bleft ? SYLVIA. Nothing but my Cymon ; when that is fecure to rre, I have not a vvifh for more. CYMON. Thy wiflies are fulfilled then, and mine in tlce ! K 2 SYLVIA. 68- C Y M O N SYLVIA. Take my hand, and with it a heart, which, till you had toueh'd, nsver knew, nor could even imagine, what was love; but my paflion now is as fincere as it is tender, and it would be ungrateful to difguife my affections, as they are my greateft pride and happinefs. C Y M O N. Tranfporting maid ! [KiJ/es her band* SYLVIA. A I R. T'bis cold flinty heart it is ycu who have tvarm'd, Ton wakirfd mypajjions, myfenjes have charm* d ; In vain againft Merit and Cymon 1 Jlrove -, Whafs life without psjfion -fweet pajfion of love ? II* The fr oft nips the bud, and the rofe cannot blow, FrCfii yc-utb that isfroft-nipt no raptures canflow % Elyfimn to him but a dejcrt will prove ; What's life without pajjlor. -fweet pajjion of love ? III. ThefpringfnoiiJ, be warm* the young feafon be gay, Her birds and her fawrets make bl.thfome Lcve bleffes the cottage^ cwdfings thro* the grove ; Wbafs life without paff.on facet pajfion of love ? CYMON. Thus then I fcize my treafure, will protect ir with my life, and will never refign it, but to heaven who gave it me. [Embraces her. Enter CYMON 69 Enter Damon and Dorilas on one fide , and Dorus and bis followers on the other , who ft art at fie- ing Cymon and Sylvia. DAMON. Here they are ! SYLVIA. Ha ! blefs me ! (Jlarting) DORUS. Fine doings indeed ; [Cymon and Sylviz ftand amaz'dand afoam'a. DORILAS. Your humble fervant, modeft madam Sylvia! DAMON. You are much improv'd by your new tutor. DORUS. But I'll fend her and her tutor where they (hall learn better. I am confounded at their affurance! Why don't you fpeak, culprits? CYMON. We may be afliam'd without guilt, to be watch'd and furpriz'd by thofe who ought to be more alham'd at what they have done. SYLVIA. Be calm, my Cymon, they mean us mifchief. CYMON. But they can do us none j fear them not, my fiirpherdels. DORUS. D O R U S. Did you ever hear or feefuchan impudent couple ? but I'll fecure you from fiich intem- perate doings. DAMON. Shall we feizs them, your worflrp, and drag 'em to Urganda? D O R U S. Let me fpeak firft with that (hepherdefs. [As be approaches, Cymon puts her behind klm> C Y M O N. That fhepherdeis is not to be fpoke with. D O R U S. Here's impudence in perfection ! Do you know who I am, (tripling ? C Y M O N. I know you to be one who ought to obferve the laws, and protect innocence; but having paflions that difgrace both your age and place, you nei- ther do one or the other. D O R U S. I am aftonifa'd ! What arc you the fooliih young fellow I have heard fo much of? CYMON. As fure as you are the wicked old fellow I have heard fo much of. D O R U S. .Seize them both this inftant. CYMOV* C Y M O N. 71 C Y M O N. That is Conner faid than done, Governor. [As they approach on loth fides to feize them, le fnatches aftafffrom one of the/hepberds and beats them beck.'] D O R U S. Fall on him, but don't kill him, for 1 mud make an example of him. C Y M O N. In this caufe I am myfelf an army ; fee how the wretches ftare, and cannot ftir. A I R. Come on, come on, A tboufand to one, I dare you to come on. Tho* unpraftis'd andycwg. Love has made me ft out and ftrong ; Has given me a charm, Will not fuffer me to fall; Has ftee?d my heart, and nerv'd my arm, To guard my prericus all. [Looking at Sylvia. Come on, come on, &c. [Exit. SYLVIA. Merlin, now befriend bim ! From their rage defend him ! [While Cymon drives off the party of Jhepberds on one fide> enter Dorus and his -party -, who fur- rouhd Sylvia.] D O R U S. Away with her, away with her SYLVIA, 72 C Y M O N. SYLVIA. Protect me, Merlin! Cymon ! Cymon! where art thou, Cymon ? D O R U 8. Your fool Cymon is too fond of fighting to mind his miftrefs j away with her to Urganda, away with her. [They burry her off. nter Shepherds, running acrofs difordered and beaten by Cymon. Damon (looking lack.} 'Tis the devil of a fellow ! how he has laid about him ! [Exif, D O R I L A S. There is no way but this to avoid him. {Exit'. Enter Cymon (in confufion and out cf breath.} I have conquered, my Sylvia! Where art thou ? my life, my love, my valour, my all ! What, gone ! torn from me ! then I am con- quer'd, indeed ! \Hc runs off, and returns frveral times during tie fympbony of tbe following fong.'] AIR. C Y M O N. 73 A I R. Torn from me, torn from me, which way did they take her ? To death theyjhall biar me, To pieces /hall tear me, Before Pllforfakeber! Tho' faft bound in a fpell, By Urganda and bell, ril burji thro' their charms, Seize my fair in my arms; Then my valour Jhall prove. No magick like virtue, like Virtue and Love ! END of the FOURTH ACT. ACT 7 4 C Y M O N. A c T v; SCENE, a Grotto. Enter URGANDA and FATIMA. U R G A N D A. YES ! No ! forbear this mockery What can it mean ? I will not bear this trifling with my paflion Fatima, my heart's upon the rack, and muft not be fported with Let me know theworft, and quickly toconceal it from me is not kindnefs, but the height of cruelty Why dog't you fpeak ? (Fatima Jbakes her bead. Won't you ipeak ? FATIMA. Yes. URGANDA. Go on then. FATIMA. No. URGANDA. Will you fay nothing but No ? FATIMA, Yes, URGAIf- C Y M O N. ; 5 U R G A N D A. Diftradting, treacherous Fatima ! Have you feen my rival ? FATIMA. Yes. U R G A N D A. Thanks, dear Fatima ! well now go on. FATIMA. No. U R G A N D A. This is not to be born Was Cymon with her? FATIMA. Yes. U R G A N D A. Are they in love with each other ? FATIMA. Yes. U R G A N D A. Where did you fee my rival ? (Fati her head.} Falfe, unkind, obftinate Fatima ! Won't you tell me ? FATIMA. No. U R G A N D A. You are brib'd to betray me ? FATIMA. No. U R G A N D A, What, (till Yes and No ? L 2 FATIMA. C Y M O N, F A T I M A. U R G A N D A. And not a fmgle word more ? F A T I M A. No. U R G A N D A. Are you afraid of any body ? F A T I M A. Yes. U R G A N D A. Are you not afraid of me too ? F A T I M A. No. U R G A N D A. Infolence ! Is my rival handfome ? tell me that. F A T I M A. Yes. U R G A N D A. Very handfome ? F A T I M A. Yes, yes. U R G A N D A. How handfome ? handfomer than I, or you ? F A T I M A. Yes T$Q (befit ating.) RGAN- C Y M O N. 77 U R G A N D A. How can you fee me thus miferable, and not relieve me ? have you no pity for me? F A T I M A. Yes ! (figling.) U R G A N D A. Convince me of it, and tell me all. F A T 1 M A. No! (figbing.) U R G A N D A. I (hall go diftra&ed ! Leave me. F A T I M A. Yes. U R G A N D A. And dare not come into my prefencc. F A T I M A. % NO. (Curtfies, and Exit. Urganda alone. She has a fpell upon her, or me could not do thus Merlin's power has prevailed he has in- chanted her, and my love and my revenge arc equally difappointed. This is the completion of my mifery ? Enter DOR us. D O R U S. May 1 prefume to intrude upon my fovereign's contemplations ? URGANDA. *r8 C Y M O N. U R G A N D A. Dare not to approach my mifery, or thou {halt partake of it. D O R U S. I am gone and Sylvia (hall go too. (Going.') U R G A N D A. Sylvia, faid you? where is ihe? where is me? Speak, fpeak and give me life or death. D O R U S. She is without, and attends your mighty will. U R G A N D A. Then I am queen again ! Forgive me, Do- rus I was loft in thought, funk in dtfpair , I knew not what I faid but now I am rais'd again ! Sylvia is fafe ! D O R U S. Yes ; and I am fafe too, which is no fmall com- fort to me, confidering where I have been. U R G A N D A. And Cymon has he efcap'd ? D O R U S. Yes, he has efcap'd from us ; and a what is better, we have efcap'd from him. U R G A N D A. Where is he ? D O R U S. Breaking the bones of every fhepherd he meets. 4 URGANDA, C Y M O N. 79 U R G A N D A. Well, no matter I am in pofleffion of the prefent object of my pafTion, and I will indulge it to the height of luxury ! Lee 'em prepare my victim inftantly for death. D O R U S. For death ! Is not that going too far ? U R G A N D A, Nothing is too far (he makes me fuffer ten thoufand deaths, and nothing but her's can ap- peafe me. (Dorus going.} Stay, Dorus I have a richer revenge -, fhe (hall be Ihut up in the Black Tower 'till her beauties are deftroy'd, and then I will prefent her to this ungrateful Cymon Let her be brought before me, and I will feaft my eyes, and eafe my heart, with this devoted Sylvia No reply, but obey. DORUS. It is done This is going too far. {Afide. [Exit, Jhrugging up hisjhoulders. Uranda. * Jlill of raging winds the fport, My foipwreck'd heart jhall gain the port; Revenge, the pilot, fteers her way ; No more of tendernefs and love, tfhe eagle in her gripe has feiz *d the dove, And thinks of nothing but her prey. Enter Sylvia, Dorus, and Guards. URGANDA. Are you the wretch, the unhappy maid, who has dar'd to be the rival of Urganda ? SYLVIA. So CYMON. SYLVIA. I am no wretch, but the happy maid, who am pofiels'd of the affections of Cymon, and with t hem have nothing to hope or fear. U R G A N D A. Thou vain rafh creature! I will make thee fear my power, and hope for my mercy. \Wave s her wand, and the fcene changes to the Black Rocks. SYLVIA. 1 am (till unmov'd. (Smiling.} U R G A N D A. Thou art on the very brink of perdition, and in a moment wilt be clofed in a tower, where thou (halt never fee Cymon, or any human be- ing more. SYLVIA. While I have Cymon in my heart, I bear a charm about me, to fcorn your power, or, what is more, your cruelty. [Urganda waves her wand, and the Black Tower appears.'] URGANDA. Open the gates, and inclofe her infolence for ever. SYLVIA. I am ready. (Smiling at Urganda.) AIR. * various deaths furround me, No terrors can confound me ; Protected from above , I glory in ny love ! C Y M O . N. 8l T Againft tby cruel might ^ And in this dnadful hour 3 I have a fure defence^ 'Tis innocence! That hea\?nly right, faile on guilty power ! U R G A N D A. Let me no more be tormented with her; I cannot bear to hear or fee her. Clofe her in the tower for ever! [They put Sylvia in the tower.] Now let Merlin releafe you if he can. [Emhingly. [If thunders; the tower and recks give way to a magnificent amphitheatre, and Merlin ap- pears in the place where the tower funk; All Jhriek, and run off except Urganda, who is fir uck with terror.] MERLIN. Still mail my power your arts confound ; //WCymon's curejhall be UrgandaV wound. [Urganda waves her wand, MERLIN. Ha! ha! ha! your power is gone URGANDA, I am all terror and (hame in vain I wave this wand I fed my power is gone, yet I ftili retain my paffions My mifery is complete! MERLIN. It is indeed! No power, no happlnefs were fuperior to thine till you funk them into your folly you now find, but too late, that there is na magic like virtue. [Sound of warlike inftniments^ M I'SQANDA, 82 C Y M O N. U R G A N D A. What mean thofe founds of joy? my heart forebodes, that they proclaim my fall and dif- honour. MERLIN. The knights of the different orders of chivalry, who where lent by Cymon's father in queft of his fon, were drawn hither, by my power, from their fe- veral ftations to one fpot, and at the fame inftant ; the general aftonimment at their meeting, wasfoon changed into general joy, when they were told, by what mans, and upon what occafion they were fo unexpectedly afiembled ; and they are now pre- paring to celebrate and protect the marriage of Cymon with Syhia. U R G A N D A. Death to my hopes ! then I am loft indeed ! MERLIN. From the moment you wrong'd me, and yourftlf, I became their protector I counter- acted all your ichemes, I continued Cymon in his ftate of ignorance till he was cured by Syl- via, whom 1 conveyed here for that purpoie ; that mepherdefs is a princefs equal to Cymon They have obtained by their virtues the throne of Arcadia, which you have loft by But I have done ; I fee your repentance, and my anger melts into pity. U R G A N D A. Pity me not I am undeferving of it I .have teen cruel and faithltfs, and ought to be wretch- ed Thus I deftroy the fmall remains of my fo- vercignty. (Breaks her wand.} May power, bafely fcxcrted, be ever thus broken and difperfed ! ws aivay her ixc.nd. Forgive C Y M O N. 83 Forgive my errors and forget my name, O drive me hence with penitence and fharne; From Merlin, Cymon, Sylvia, let me fly, Beholding them, my fhame can never die. [Exit Urganda. MERLIN. Falfehood is punimed, virtue rewarded, and Arcadia is happy ! MARCH. [Enter the proceffion of knights of the different orders of Chivalry, with Inchanters, &c. who range themfelves round the amphitheatre, fol- lowed by Cymon, Sylvia, and Merlin, who are brought in triumph drawn by Loves, pre- ceded by Cupid and Hymen walking arm in arm. Then enter the Arcadian Ihepherds, with Dorus and Linco at their head, Damon and Dorilas, with their fhepherdefles, &c. Merlin, Cymon and Sylvia defcend from the car. Merlin joins their hands, and then fpeaks the following lines.] MERLIN. Now join your hands, whofe hearts were join'd before, This union fhall Arcadia's peace reftore: When Virtues fuch as thefe adorn a throne ; The people maketheir Ibverelgn's blifs their own: Their joys, their virtues, fliall each fubjed: (hare ; And all the land reflect the royal pair ! CHORUS. Each heart and each voice In Arcadia rejoice ; M 2 Let C M Y O Let gratitude raife To great Merlin our f raife : Long, long may weft/are The bhJJ-Kgs of this fair ! Long, long may they live, To/hare the blifs they givt ! Cymon, Sylvia, and McrYm retire to tbe knights > while Linco calls thefaepherds about him. L I N C O. My good neighbours and friends ( for now I am notafoam'd to call you fo) your deputy Linco has but a fhort charge to give you. As we have turn'd over a new, fair leaf, let us never look back to our pafl blots and errors. D O R U S. No more we will, Linco. No retrofpe&ion. LINCO. I meant to oblige your worfhip in the propo- fhion ; I fhall ever be a good fubject (bowing to Cymon and Sylvia), and your friend and obedi- ent deputy. Let us have a hundred marriages directly, and no more inconftancy, jealoufy, or coquetry from this day The belt purifier of the blood is mirth, with a few grains of wifdom we will take it every day, neighbours, as the bed prdcrvative againfi bad humours : Be merry and wife, according to the old proverb, and I defy the devil ever to get among you again-, and that we may be fure to get rid of him, let us drive him quite away with a little more finging and dancing, for he hates mortally mirth and good fellowship. A DANCE C Y M O N. 85 A D A N C E of Arcadian Shepherds and Shepherdess* A I R. DAMON. Each fiepherd again /hall be covjlant and kind. And ev'ry ftrayd heart Jhall each Jhephertiefs find. DELIA. If faithful our Jhepherds^ we always are true, Our truth and ourfaljbvod we borrow from ycu. CHORUS. Happy Arcadians Jlill Jhall be j Ever be happy while virtuous and free. F A T I M A. Let thofe who thefaord and the balance muft hold, 2"0 intereft be blind, a>:d to beauty be cold: When juftice has eyes her integrity fails, Her Jwcrd becomes blunted, and down drop her fcales. CHORUS. Happy Arcadians////^// be ; Ever be happy while virtucuS and free. L I N C O k The blifs -of your heart no rude care Jhall molefl^ iyb, h innoi. ent mirth is your bofom'sfweet gueft ; Of that happy pair let us worthy be feen. Lwe, honour, and copy your king and your queen. CHORUS. 86 C Y M O N. CHORUS. Happy Arcadians Jit It 'jhall be ; Ever be happy while virtuous and free. SYLVIA. Let love, peace * andjoy jlill be feen hand in hand, To dance on this turf^ and again blefs the land. C Y M O N. Love and Hymen of blejjings have opened their Jlcre t For Cymon with Sylvia canwtjh nothing more. BOTH. Love and Hymen of blejjings have opened their ft ore, HE. 1 For Cymon with Sylvia j Y can wi/h nothing mere. ' J CHORUS. Happy Arcad ians jlill Jball be ; Ever be happy while virtuous and free. SHE. For Sylvia with Cymon { FINIS, EPILOGUE, Written by GEORGE KEATE, Efq. Spoken by Mrs. ABINGTON. Enter , peeping in at the Stage- Door. IS the ftage clear ? blefs me ! I've furh a dread ! It feems enchanted ground, where'er I tread! [Coming forward. What noife was that ! hufli ! 'twas a falfe alarm I'm Cure there's no one here will do me harm : Among'ft you can't be found a Tingle knight, Who would not do an injur'd damfel right. Well Heav'n be prais'd ! I'm out of magic reach, And have once more regain'd the pow'r of fpeech : Aye, and I'll ufe it for it muft appear, That my poor tongue is greatly in arrear There's not a female here but fhar'd my woe, Ty'd down to YES, orftill more hateful NO. NO is expreffive but I muft confefs, If rightly queftion'd, I'd ufe only YES. In MERLIN'S walk this broken wand I found, [Shewing a broken wand. Which to two Words my fpeaking organs bound. Suppofe upon the town I try his (pell Ladies, don't ftir ! You ufe your tongues too well ! How tranquil every place, when, by my /kill, Folly is mute, and even Slander ftill ! Old Goffips fpeechlefs Bloods wou.'d breed no riot, And all the tongues at Jonathan's lie quiet ! Each grave Profejjion muft new bufli the wig; Nothing to fay, 'twere needlefs they look big ! The reverend Doflor might the change endure, He would fit ftill, and have his Sine Cure ! Nor could -Great Folks much hardfhip undergo ; They do their bus'nefs with an AYE or NO ! . Bur, come, 1 only jok'd difmifs your fear j Tho' I've the pow'r, I will not ufe it here, ni EPILOGUE. I'll only keep my magic as a guard, To awe each critic who attacks our bard. I fee fome malcontents their fingers biting, Snarling, " The ancients never knew fuch writing- * c The drama's loft ! the managers exhauft us With Op'ras, Monkies y Mab^ and Dr. Faujius*' Dread Sirs, a word ! the public tafte is fickle j All palates in their turn we ftrive to tickle; Our cat'rers vary; and you'll own, at leaft, It is Variety that makes the feaft. If this fair circle fmile and the Gods thunder, I with this wand vviil keep the critics under. 2 7, <'/<< ANEW DRAMATIC ENTERTAINMENT, CALLED A Chriftmas Tale. IN FIFE P ARTS. AS PERFORMED AT THE THEATRE-ROYAL I N DRURY-LANE. Embellifhed with an Etching, by Mr. Loutbcrbourg. THE THIRD EDITION. LONDON: Printed for T. BECKET, the Corner of the Adelphi, in the Strand. 1774. [ Price One Shilling and Six-pence,] T H E writer of the following Talc begs leave to make his acknow- ledgements to the publick, for their very favourable reception of it : He hopes that the fuccefs attending this attempt, fo well fupported by the Scenery, Mufick, and Performers, will excite fuperior talents to pro- ductions of the fame kind, more worthy of their approbation. P R O* PROLOGUE. Mufic piays, and feveral perfons eater with different kind of difhes. After them Mr. PALMER, in the darker cf CHRISTMAS. O en prepare my bounty for my friends. And fee thut mirth with all her crew attends : To the AUDIENCE. Behold a perfonage well known to fame \ Once Icv'd and honour' d Chriftmas is my name ! My officers of ft ate ?;;y tajle difplay ; Cooks, Bullions, pajlry-ccoks, prepare my way I Holly, and ivy, round me honours fpread, j?;:d my retinue Jhcw, I'm not ill-fed : Aline' d pics by way of belt, my breajl divide, And a large carving knife, adorns my fide ; 'Tis no FopV weapon, 'twill be often drawn ; This turban for my head is collar' d brawn ! Tho' eld, and white ir.y locks, my cheeks are cherry, Ji^cirm'd by good fires, good cheer, I'm always merry : jriih carrol, fiddle, dar.ce, andpleafant tale, "J'lft, gibe, prank, gambol, mummery and ale t I, Englijh hearts rejcic'd in days of yore ; For new ftrange modes, imported by the f core, You will net fur e turn Chriftmas cut cfdccr! Suppoft jMtrfteoeS) well feated by a fire, (Stiick cljfe, you fesm more warm than you defire) Cld father Chriftmas now in all his glory, Begs, with kind hearts, you'll HJlcn to his Story : Clear Well your minds from politicks and fplcen, Hear my Fale cut -fee all that's to be feen ! Take care, my children, that you well behave, T(.u, ;';-, in blue, red cape ;:si quite Jo grave : That PROLOGUE. That critlck there in black fo Jlern and thin, Before you frown, pray ht the tale begin Ton in the crimfon capuchin , I fear you, Iffyy, Madam, at this time fo crofs appear you ? Excufe me pray I did not fee your hujband near you. Don't tfnnk, fair Ladies, I expeft that you, Should hear my tale you've fomething elfe to do : Nor will our beaux, old Englijb fare encourage ; No foreign tajie, could ier digejl plumb-porridge. 1 have nt fauce to quicken lifelefs ftnners, My food is meant for * honeft hearty grinncrs ! For you youfpirits with good J^omachs bring ; O make the neighboring roof with rapture ring ; Open your mouths, pray fwallaw every thing ! Critich beware, how you our pranks defpife j Hear well my tale, or you Jhant touch my pies ; 77* prrotrb change be merry, but not wife. * To the upper gallery. DRAMATIS Dramatis Perfonae. MEN. BONORO, Good Magician^ Mr. BANNISTER, FLORIDOR, bis Son y Mr. VERNON, TYCHO, bis 'Squire, Mr. WESTON, FALADEL, Gcntleman-UJber, Mr. PARSONS, NIGROMANT, Bad Magician, Mr. CHAMPNESS. Mr. DIMOND, f Mr. GRIFFITH, { I Matter BLANCHARD.^ WOM KADEL, MESSENGERS. CAMILLA, ROBINETTE, EN. Mrs. SMITH, Mrs. WRIGHTEN, GOOD and EVIL SPIRITS, in various Charatters^ by Mr. HURST, Mr. ACKMAN, Mr. W. PALMER, Mr. Yv RIGHT, Mr. WRIGHTEN, Mr. COURTNET, Mils PLATT, Mrs. JOHNSTON, Mrs. BRADSHAW Mrs.MiLLiDGE,Mrs. SCOTT, 6ff. 6ff. &c. DANCES. By Sig. COMO, Mr. ATKINS, Mr. GEORGI, CRESPI, Mrs. SUTTON, Mrs. GEORGF, The SCENERY invented by Mr. DE LOUTHERBOURC,' MUSICK, by Mr. DIBDIN. CHRISTMAS TALE. PART I. S C E N E I. A beautiful Land/kip. Enter ROBINETTE. ROBINETTE. JL Y C H O ! Tycho ! where are you, Tycho ? fure the fellow has tak_cn me at my word, and gone to hang or drown himfelf he threatned both Lovers are great bullies, and fwear a thoufand things they never intend lo perform ; if the poor woman fhewsany fear, the bullies rave the more, and fhe gives up at once that noblcft privilege of the fex, making the wifeft fools, and the ftouteft miferable I have a tongue to be fure that O moves quick, and by out-running my wit fometimes, may encourage young coxcombs to hope too much ; but then my heart all the while, poor thing ! knows nothing of the matter, and feels no more, than my (hoe-knots. B SONG. SONG.; My eyes may fpeak pleafure, Tongue few without meafure, Yet my heart in my bcfim lies Jiill j Thus the riwr is flowing, The mill- clapper going, But the miller's ajletp in his mill. TJiough lovers furround me, With fpeeches confound me, Yet my heart in my bcfcm lias Jiill \ Thus the river is jlov:i;ig, The mill-clapper going, But the miller's ajleep in his mill. The little God eyes me, And thinks to furprife me, But my heart is awake in my breaji ; Thus beys Jlily creeping, Would catch the bird Jleeping, But the linnet's awake in his nejL Where can this Tycho have hid himfclf ? I'm fure he went this way ftay, is not that my gentleman creeping along the fide of the canal ? It is cither he, my other lover Faladel, or the monkey in his new livery ; I muff: give him a little more hope, or we fhall have no more fport with him. [Exit Rob. TYCHO (peeping out of a tree.) There's a hard-hearted fhe-devil for you ! do I look like a monkey in a new livery ? I don't know how love may have alter'd me, but I know a few weeks a^o, that I had the beft face in this ifland, or my glafs is a deceiver >f youth, If I had n,ot fo much tendernefs in my com- pofition, A CHRISTMAS TALE. pofition, I would play the devil among thefe petticoats But here me comes again, and I can't fay boo ! to her for the life of me. Re-enter ROBINETTE. ROBINETTE. It was the monkey, and a very pretty fellow he is, now he is well drefTed. (Tycbo fighs in the tree.) La ! what's that ? .did not I hear fomebody figh ? It muft be my lover, Tycho ! where are you, Tycho ? T Y C H O (In the tree, and out of fight.) Here am I ! ( f'ghing. ROBINETTE. Where ? TYCHO. Here. (figging. ROBINETTE. Where, I fay ? Pray fhew your fweet face. TYCHO. Here it is. (peeping out) When you lofe this, you won't get a better. ROBINETTE. Not till I buy a gingerbread one What are you doing there ? TYCHO. I was going to hang myfelf for love ; but, having left the cord behind me, I fell afleep 'till you waken'd me Pray lend me your garters, for I will not live, that I am refolv'd. (feghing. ROBINETTE. Come down, and I'll lend you any thing What cart I poflibly do y/ith this ftrange animal. (afide* Enter TYCHO. TYCHO. Mere am I ! B 2 4 A C H R I S T M A S T A L E. ROBINETTE. What is it you want ? T Y C H O. Death or you, I muft have one of you. ROBINETTE. Have not I told you often, and I will now repeat it, that I can't leave Camilla ; let but FJoridor, your friend, get the confent of Camilla, my friend, then I R.obinetts, her friend, take you Tycho, bis friend What would the fellow have ? T Y C H O (mattering.) Your friend, and my friend, and Ins friend, and her friend : then all are friends Isn't it fo ? ROBINETTE. To be fure Now go about your bufmefs. TYCHO. O blefs me ! now I am come to myfelf, I muft. fend Floridor immediately to his father, upon fpecial matters : I thought to make away with myfelf, and quite forgot it. ROBINETTE. Floridor is as violent in love, as you are melancholy : You muft both mend your manners, or Camilla and I fhall look out for others No more melancholy, Tycho, if you love, and would win me. TYCHO. Am I too melancholy for you ? ( 'Jighing. ROBINETTE. Too melancholy ! your face feems preparing for a funeral inftead of looking out for a wedding : I hate me- lancholy, and all melancholy people : A cloudy face be- tokens a cloudy heart, and I will have neither : Never will 1 fail to the port of matrimony but with a fmiling fea, and clear fky tha-t's the way to make a good voyage of it. TYCHO. A CHRISTMAS TALE. 5 T Y C H O. And fo it is, faith ; ho ! he ! he !--- My fuce \vill be- come frnilcs, as well as a great deal of thinking: I have ftu jy'd rr.yfelf into melancholy, but I'll burn my book?, and be as merry as you" pleafe to make me. He 1 he ! he ! ROBINETTE. Now you dance about my heart, and will certainly run away with it. T Y C H O. He ! he ! he ! But where'* Faladel, Robinette ? ROBINETTE. Perhaps flceping in fome tree for love of me, as you did. T Y C H O. If he would do the other thing for you, I fhould be very happy. (f'ghing. ROBINETTE. Melancholy and jealous too !-- -I declare oft Fye for fhame ! a man, a young man, cf perfon, parts, addrefs, and converfation, to be jealous of an old fimpering, fwag- gering, rhiming gendeman-ufhcr, who is as dry as a mum- my, and talks of love ; has no ftrength, and talks of fighting giants ; has no wit, and thinks to gain me ! O fyc, for fhame ! T Y C II O. It is, imVed, both a fin aivl a fhame I'll know my- felf better, and be afraid of nobody but you, Robinette : I would fay mere, but it is time for me to 1^-^, he ! he ! he ! is it not ? ROBINETTE. Now you fhew yourfelf to advantage But, look at the lover j there ! they rrave had a frefh quarrel, I fuppofe j go and end it ; and taka ths ho: fool home to his father to cool hun. TYCflO. 6 A CHRISTMAS TALE. T YCHO. I'll be melancholy no more to pleafe you, Robinctte, I will dance when I am fad ; be pert and merry, tho' I have nothing to fa^, like other young gentlemen ---- I'll* be quite in the mode, more of the monkey, and lefs of the man ---- Tol, lol, lol ---- Will that do ? bye Robinette. Tol , lol, lol Heigho ! (Dances off", and figbs. ROBINETTE. I do like this fellow a little, though I plague him fo and perhaps I plague him becaufe I like him he's a ftrange creature, and yet I like him I'm a ftrange crea- ture too, and he likes me he has a hundred faults , hold, hold, Signora Robinetta have not you a little fault or two in the corner of your heart, if your neighbours could come at them ? --------- O woman ! woman ! what an agreeable, whimfical, fanciful, coy, coquettifh, quick-fighted, no-fighted, angelical, devillifh, jumble of agreeable matter art thou ? S ON G. O the freaks of womankind? As fwift as thought we breed 'em : No whims will Jlari'e in woman's mindt For vanity will feed 'em ; Teazing ever, Steady never ; Who the foiftiug clouds can bind ? O the freaks cf womankind ! &c. ick of ear, and Jharp of eye, Others faults we hear and fpy t But to our own, Alone, We are both deaf and blind. O the frdalcs cf womankind ! &c. [Exit Rob. SCENE A C II R I S T M A S T A L E. 7 SCENE II. CAMILLA'.; magnificent Garden. Enter FLORIDOR, CAMILLA, and TYCHO. CAMILLA. I cannot bear your jealoufy. ' FLORIDOR. My jealoufy would have merit with you, if you lov'd as I did but I have done, Madam, and have nothing more to fay. TYCHO. Then go to your father, who has fomething to fay to you. FLORIDOR. I'll follow you, Tycho. (vjalks about in difcrder. TYCHO. What do you ftay for, if you have no more to fay ? FLORIDOR. I will but lay three words, and then I'll come. TYCHO. If you have three words, the lady will have three thou- fand ; which, at about two hundred and fifty words a minute will juft take up I know my time, and will be with you again, [ExitTychs. C A M I L L A. Pray go to your father, I have told you my mind, Flo- ridor, why will you prefs me to change it ? Don't let an jll-opinion of your fex miflead^jw, and injure me! I am refolv'd You have my heart, I confefs it 'tis ungene- rous to urge me farther, when you know my greateft dif- frefs is to refufe you any thing. FLOR- 8 A C H R I S T M AS TALE. F L O R I D O R. My fufpicions, Camilla, are the ftrongeft proofs of my pafllon. CAMILLA. Can you fufpcft me of fuch falfthood, as to pretend a pafiicn for you, and fecretly indulge one for another. F L O R I D O R. Nigromant, though a wicked, is a powerful magicir.n, and his frequent vifits might alarm a heart lefs ienfible than mine. CAMILLA. My pride will not let me anfwer an accufation that re- fle&s the grcateft difhonour, both upon you and myil-lf. FLO RID OR. How can you fuffer me to be tcrtui'd with jealoufy^ when you might CAMILLA. Sfop, Floridor ! when I might what ? Scorn a father's commands, given me with his laft breath and blefiing I FLORIDOR. With his laft breath, and blerTmg ! CAMILLA. Upon his death bed he enjoin'd me, with tears in his eyes, not to give my hand but to him who could give me proofs of what this inchanted laurel would unfold. .FLORIDOR. And what are they ? I conjure you tell me. CAMILLA. See, and behold ! (Tljc laurel unfolds and di fevers tl;c wcrds Valor, Conflancy, and Honour, in letters cf geld.) You have prov'd your Love to me, by its unfolding at your Now read what more is onoro's cell, I'm r ibiv'd as I have lefspaf- fion, I mall appear more scr.crous by looking after my lover in his prefcnt fit'. ..---I nevef :::icv/ 'till this mo- ment that I was half fo good a creature a^ I really am. [Exit Rob. SCENE the Outftde of B O N O R O'j Cell. Enter CAMILLA. CAMILLA. Farewel, O farewel, my Floridor ! Thou fteft, but can'fr not hear with what reludiancc I am feparated from thee ! He too with unwilling fteps moves flow along, and turns his head this way, tofhew that duty and inclination, cannot yet be rcconcil'd---now he ftands ftill, and with his eyes and one hand rais'd to Heaven, prefling his bo- Ibm with the other, he feems to fwear eternal love ! I will ratify that vow, and make it mutual now he feems diftrefs'd, and hurries down the hill, and now he's gone ! , and now I'm wretched ! heigh-ho ! Enter R O I N E T T E. ROBINETTE. Heigh-ho ! why he'll come again, coufin, depend > it. C AM- 32 A CHRISTMAS TALE. CAMILLA. May I depend upon his coming again as he goes a-vvay, conftant and faithful ; his father warn'd him to let no plea- fure entice him Is not that alarming ? ROBINETTE. What is it your turn to be jealous ? CAMILLA. Can one love much, and not be jealous a little ? ROBINETTE. Can you be long in doubt, and have fupernatural powers to affift you ? CAMILLA. The. paffions of Love counteracts all operations of ma- gic, and levels us with the weakeft we can try gold, but we can't make it it is conceal'd by nature from the wifefl of us. ROBINETTE. Make a trial of his afte&ions then, by afluming a form, if pofEble, handfomer than your own. CAMILLA. That is not In my power j I can affume a form lefs agree- able, if pofiible, than my own, and with that, and fome other circtfmftance I am now going upon the trial. ROBINETTE. I will attend you. CAMILLA. No*, I fhall difpenfe with your company for fome time,. I leave you miftrefs of my garden, and my caftle ; fee whom you pieafe, and do what you pleafe ; make yourft-if happy, while I perhaps am feeking to be miferable. (figbs. SONG. A CHRISTMAS TALE. 3 SONG. O bow weak willpower and reafcn, To this byfom tyrant prove. Every aft is fancied t> eafsn, By the jealous fovereign Love ! PaJJion urgd the youth to danger y Pajjlon calls him back again j Pajjlon is to peace a Jiranger, Seek I mujl my blifs or bane. So the f caver 1 d minds that languifa And in fcorching torments rave, Thus to end or eafe their anguijh, Headlong plunge into the wave. [Exit Camilla. ROBINETTE; Poor creature ! I would not have her cares for all her iCj and her grandeur Mirth has got fuch pofleflion of my heart, that I defy all the handfome fellows in the World to take more of it, than I pleafe to give them. I have two lovers, which I keep as two Monkies to divert me j 1 make 'em play me a thoufand tricks, can change the very nature of 'em if they grow mifchievous, I punim 'em if all monkies were ferved fo, there would be lefs impertinence in the world but mum one of 'em is here this is too old, and too lively, I muft make him melancholy or turn him off. F Entef 34 A CHRISTMAS TALE. Enter F A L A D E L. FALADEL. Signiora Robinette I have follow'd you to fay half a dozen kind words to you, and vanifh ; he ! he ! he ! by my faith and wand, I will not encroach upon you ! ROBINETTE. By my faith and fardingale, you may vanifh before you have faid the kind words to me if you pleafe ! he ! he ! he ! (mimichkim.) Well, what do you follow me for ?-- FALADEL. I could not help it I knew where you was going, I followed you, and the following little ode came alono- with me, and is at your fervice. ODE. Alack-a-day f You would not Jlay^ I follow* d geji Like faithful Tray, With you to play y Or here to Jlay^ At feet to lay ; for by my fay y Whatever you Jay t By night or day y Whllfi I am clay, For ever aye, Take pity pray ROB- A CHRISTMAS TALE. 35 ROBINETTE, Upon my word that's very pretty and very moving. F A L A D E L. Indeed and alack-a-day, I (hall certainly die loon, if you don't cure me with kindnefs, he ! he ! ho ! I (hall in- deed, for ever and for aye he ! he I ROBINETTE. What is your diforder, pray ? F A L A D E L. Alack-a-day ! I'm troubled with the Tycho Signora Robinette, do you underftand me ? he ! he ! he ! by my faith I am ! ROBINETTE. Jealoufy I proteft and of poor Tycho F A L A D E L. Poor or rich I am troubled with the Tycho, and t muft either take fteel myfelf, or make my rival take it do you underftand me ? he ! he ! he ! (claps his hand upon bis fword) it is a ferious matter I do afTure you he ! he ! he ! there muft be blood Ihed he ! he ! he ! by my faith *and wand, there muft ! ROBINETTE. I wifh you would make it a ferious matter, and not be grinning fo, to fpoil one of the handfomeft faces in the iiland. F A L A D E L. Alack-a-day ! I can't help laughing for the life of me, I was born fo tho' I'm unhappy all the while to defpera- tion, he ! he ! he ! by my faith and wand I am ! ROB- 3 6 A C H R I S T M A S T A L E. R O B I N E T T E. By my faith too, my heart fhall never be a prize for the beft grinner ; you muft (hew your love to me, by wear- ing a face of dsfperation, indeed. F A L A D E L. What kind of iace is that ? ROBINETTE. Thus your eyes thus looking about as it were thus *- -or thus ( Jbe puts on different faces. FALADEL. Looking about for what ?* my fweet cruel quren of hearts ! he ! he ! he ! ROBINETTE. For a tree, or a canal to be fure, to put an end to your defpair. FALADEL. To dangle, or float upon ! I underftand you he ! he ! he ! by my faith I'll hit your tafte, or die for it - will this do ? or this or this he ! he ! he ! SONG. A CHRISTMAS TALE 37 * S O N G. By my faith and wand, Gracing now my band, I'm at your command, For ever and for aye. Heart within my breaji, Never jhall have rejt, 'Ti/l of yours pojjejt ; Htigh-ho ! alack-a-day ! Do you want a Knight ? Ready, brifk, and tight Foes and fiends to fight, For ever and for aye. If you want a flave, Whom you will not fove? Send me to my grave, I'nt dead alack-a-day / I'll ftand by my fong for ever and aye. R O B I N E T T E. You're at your grinning again. F A L A D E L, Alack-a day ! and fo I am I can't flop it my fea- tures run away with me but I'll go and pratife a little by myfelf and return again directly, quite a new crea- tureby my faith I will ! [Exit. ROBINETTE. Ha ! ha ! ha ! if every woman before marriage, would but train up her lovers to her inclination, as fhe does her birds er * -Tbit fong i} emitted Jintt thtfrjl night. 3 S A CHRISTMAS TALE. or her dogs, we never fhould have an unhappy marriage j to be too much in love, and to give men their way, ipoils every thing But what have we here ? my lover, Tycho, and prepar'd for battle ! like matter, like man j he comes to take his laft adieu He feems very fad and thought- ful ; bat he fees me, and brightens up into unnatural fmiles Ah, Signior Cavaleiro Tycho ! Enter TYCHO, (arm' das Fionas 'Squire.) TYCHO. Here am I ! as merry as my fituation will permit me I have leave to kifs your fair hand and away. Tho' I am made a 'Squire, I have had fad luck fmce I faw you, (look- ing grave, but recollecting himfelf.) But it is all over, and I don't mind it now, he ! he ! he ! ROBINETTE. If I had not taught you to laugh at misfortunes, your iaft, ad venture, with the evil fpirits, would have broke your heart. TYCHO. There was the devil to do ! I have not recover'd my fright yet, I am fure, tho' I put a good face upon it, be ! he ! he 1 ROBINETTE. Sad work indeed ! but how was it ? TYCHO. Two fhe-devils throw'd me into a trance, and as I could not help myfelf in my flecp, they help'd themfelves out of their prifons, and left me to pay the reckoning. ROBINETTE. .&nd a long one it was. TYCHO. It was indeed ! but our kind old gentleman, gave me a four look, a longfpeech, pity'd my weaknefs, and forgave ae 'tis a good old foul ! ROB- A CHRISTMAS TALE. 39 ROBINETTE. Sad work indeed, Tycho ! f Y C H O. It was horrible^ horrible^ and mft horrible ! He ! he ! he ! R O B I N E T T E. But how was it ? TYCHO. You muft know I love mufic vaftly, tho' I don't finga note and two fhe angel-devils, lung me fo out of my (enfes, that I fell faft afleep. ROBINETTE. Ay, ay, your old diforder But I am forry you can't fmg ; your rival, Faladel, who was here juft now, fmgs very prettily. TYCHO. Yes, he may fmg ; but he can't write as I can I have wrote a fong upon you ; and who knows but you may teach me to fmg as you have taught me to laugh, he ! he ! he ! (Endeavours tofinf. ROBINETTE. O pray let's hear it. TYCHO, (fas.) Siueet Robinette^ Tour eyes are jct^ Your eyes are grey, but no matter for that, poets may fuppofe any thing. Sweet Robinfttty Tour eyes are jet^ And teeth are lily white You have a fine fet of teeth, and if you had not, I was refolv'd to give 'em to you I don' love by halves. Tour cheeks are rofes t Lips are po/its, And your nofe is bright ! Let 40 A CHRISTMAS TALE. Let my rival do that if he can I wrote it, and fet if myfelf. ROBINETTE. I don't doubt it But, Tycho, I don't know if a brl^bt nofe, is any compliment. TYCHO. Why not ? You muft have fomething bright about you but I don't want for words you may alter it to ivcnd'rous right or white or light or tight a tight nofe, is nx> bad thing as times go ; he ! he ! he ! Here comes my rival ; fhall I h infel my maiden fword, and lay him dead at your feet ? ROBINETTE. By no means Kill him with jcaloufy ! See how me- lancholy he is ; he has loft all his fpirit. TYCHO. And I have got it ; he! he! he ! What a difmal piece of mortality it is : I am quite afham'd now that ever I wore fuch a face as his. ROBINETTE. Now for a curious fcene ! Enter F A L A D E L. FA LA DEL. I hope I have conquered my foolifh nature, Robinette, internally and externally, for ever and aye. But there's my rival, (feeing Tytho) fhall I facrifice him to your beauty and my paflion ? (claps his hand to bis fivord. ROBINETTE. O, by no means ! draw your wit upon him ; cut him up with that ! (afide to Fa!. F A L A D E L. You command me. What a fimple fellow it is, grin- ninj like an jdeot, without ideas I ROB- A CHRISTMAS TALE. 41 ROBINETTE. l)id not I tell you fo ? A fmirking face gives me the heai c-bura. (afide to Fal, T YCHCX What a poor melancholy fool it is he has done for t&imfelf I fee. Look: at old Mifrrable, Robinette -, he ! he J he 1 (afide to Rob-, and grinning. ROBINETTE. What a figure from top to toe ! Attack him, Tycho. (afide to Tycho. TYCHO* YoUr fervant, Signior Faladel I am fdrry for your misfortune ; he ! he ! he ! FALADEL. What misfortune, pray Mr. Merry Andrew ? ROBINETTE. Attack his grinning, Faladel. (afide to Fal.) Attack his melancholy, Tycho. (afide to Tycho. TYCHO. I verily thought, Don Faladel, that you had put your face into mourning for fome family misfortune j ha ! ha ! ha ! FALADEL. How can I help being melancholy, when I fee how contemptible your grinning has made you ? what a fu- perlativc nappinefs ! I would laugh now if I durfr. (begins to laugh and faps. ROBINETTE. As you are both my friends, and one of you fomething more TYCHO. A great deal more, I believe. (afide. FALADEL. I thought fo, poor foul ! (afide. G ROB- 42 A CHRISTMAS TALE. ROBINETTE. Pray let me introduce you to know each other better T YCHO. I have no obje&ion ; he ! he ! he ! F A L A D E L. I can have none to your commands. ROBINETTE. Take hands then You muft not be rivals, (for I can but love one of you) and therefore be friends. (Each of 'em U'infc at Robinttte 9 which Jhe returns , as they are taking hands.) F A L A D E L. What a fool fhe make of the poor man ! (afule. T Y C K O. How fhe fhews Difrnd off ! (afide. R O 1UNET.TE. Thank you, gentlemen I need not lay which is my choice* BOTH. No, no. (both nodding at her* F A L A D E L. It is too plain. T Y C H O, Kalf an eye may fee it. ROBINETTE. I muft, therefore, now take my leave; firfr of you, Sjgnior Tycho Diitrefb'd damfels, imprifon'd Knights, and various rd. ,-ntures attend you Don't be jealous, Signior Faladel, if I conduct this redoubted and mag- nanimous 'Squire a little on his way. F A L A D EL. Nut in the leaft ! How fhe jeers him. (afide. ROBINETTE. Come, Don Tycho, the fword is drawn, the lance is couch'd, and the Knight is impatient. TYCKQ. A CHRISTMAS TALE. 43 T Y C H O. Donna Robinette, my fword is thine, my valor th : -v, my heart is thine, my blood is thine, and at my return, my body fhall be thine. Signior Difmallo, farewcl ! I wilh your body joy of its wooden head. He! he! he ! [Exit laughing with Robinette, F A LADE L. By my faith and wand, if I had not been commanded to the contrary, I would have divided his body, and fpoil'd his grinning. But fhs hates and detefts him for it, as fhs adores me for the contrary. * S O N G. Once as merry as the lark I mounted to the fty, But new I'm grown afcbcrfpark t And like an cwl^ The wiftjlfnvl, IJ^lll roll a difmal eye ; For Robinette will have it fe y And what foe ivill fltall &, / therefore take to ho ! hs ! ho f And turn off be ! he ! he / Once as merry as the hid^ Ifri/k'd it o'er the ground^ But face I am to laugh forbid^ An afs I am, A Jheep, a lamb^ Shit up in difmal pound. For Robin fttc will have it fo. And what Jhe will Jhall be^ I therefore take to ho ! ho / ho ! And turn off he ! he ! he ! * Omitted in the reprefentation, G 2 Enter 44 A CHRISTMAS TALE. Enter ROEINETTE. ROBINETTE. Poor foollfh fellow, he is gone j he'll be a breakfaft for fome giant. I begin to pity him. F ALA DEL. Alack-a-day ! he does not know his own weaknefs, and has fuch a contemptible figure that he is below your pity, by my faith he is. ROBINETTE. I like his fpirit of Knight-errantry it becomes him. F A L A D E L. Do you ? I have a prodigious quantity of it myfelf, and by my faith and wand, fay but a word and I will be among the dragons, monfters, giants, and hobgoblins to- morrow morning. ROBINETTE. Will not that be depriving Camilla of the moft com- plete gentleman-ufher, that ever bore wand. F A L A D E L. Alack-a-day ! all titles and fervices fhall be given up for that of being your moft humble fen-ant and obedient Knight for ever, and for aye ! ROBJNE TTE. If you will go I ftiall prefent you with a fcarf come on, Sir Faladel. PUETTE, A CHRISTMAS TALE. 45 D U E T T E, BOTH. O the delight ! To be an errant Knight 1 ROB. O'er mountain, hill and rock, In rain, and wind, and faw 9 411 dangers he mujl mock) And mujl with pleasure go. Quivering) and quaking^ Shivering and Jhaking^ Difmal nightS) Horrid fprightf) f,rons roaring) Manjlers faring, CaJMtt tumbling Thunder grumbling^ BOTH. O the delight \ To be an errant Knight ! R B, Damfels fqueaking) Devils jhrieklng) Clubs and giants^ Hurl defiance) Night and day, Lofe the way) Spirits Jinting) Nothing drinking) Beat and beating^ Little eating) Broken bones. BOTH. O the delight ! To be an errant Knight ! End of the 'Third Part. 46 A CHRISTMAS TALE. PART IV. S C E N E I. A dark Wood. Enter FLORIDOR, (In great MJlrefs'd.) SONG. C R U E L fiends par/tie me ! Torment me, and undo me ! My rifmg hopes are crojl^ My Sword and Shield are loft My Irsafi with valor glow'd, Fam<" her temple fiew'd) Fiends havs. irlerpos' 'd y the gaits are ever, ever closed ! Away with dcjpair to the -wii:^ Nothing daunts the noble mind j Crown' d with thefe flowers I 'II take the field 9 My foes with this charm 1 will face , Love alone Jhall fupply the place^ Of helmet , fword y andjfneld / What a feries of diflrefles, finee they broke their pri- fons, have thefe evil fpirits prepar'd for me ! they have eonvey'd my fword and fhicld from Tycho j have, by their mifchievous arts, difturb'd and intoxicated his mind, and all my fair profpedl of renown, and pofieffion of the highcft A CHRISTMAS TALE. 47 higheft earthly blifs with Camilla is vanifh'd and gone ! what can I fay to her ? what can I plead to my father ?~ T Y C H O, (within.) Signior Don Floridor, the loft fheep is found ! F LORIDOR. Here comes again the unhappy intoxicated wretch- where are you, Tycho ? Enter TYCHO, (drunk.) TYCHO. Here am I. FLORIDOR. Have you recover'd my fword and (hield ? TYCHO. No but I have recover'd a better thing hie my underftanding ! FLORIDOR. I wifh I could fee a proof of it. TYCHO. I wifh you had fouaj your s, and then you would not Be in fuch a paflion. FLORIDOR. Tycho, colled yourlelf, and anfwer a few queftions. T Y C H O. Do you hav- all your leiifes about you, or I fhall be too hard for you. FLORIDOR. Prith'ee, peace -in the firft place, at what time did you perceive yourfclf difordered ? TYCHO. As foon as I found that I had loft my fenfes. FLORIDOR. How came you to lofe your fenfes ? TYCHO. 4 S A CHRISTMAS TALE, T Y C H O. As other people Jo by feeing a fine woman. F L O R I D O R. What, Robinctte ? T YCHO. Much handfomer ! FLO RID OR. What did fhe do ? anfwer quickly. T Y C H O. Don't be in fuch a paflion thus it is Don Tychoj fays fhe, (looking with fuch fweetnefs as I do now) I have long admir'd you, lov'd or ador'd you I forget which* F L O R I D O R. No matter which. T YCHO. I muft be 'hie- exaft looking fweetly as I faid before fhe ftretched out the whiteft arm, with the tapereft fingers thus here, Don Tycho, take this- whenever you find yourfelf diftrefs'd in mind tafte it and be yourfelf again fhe gave it me, figh'dy wept much^ and took to her heels I had juft parted with Robinette, who with tears in her eyes, gave me this fcarf I feeing the poor creature fo tender hearted about me I grew ten- der hearted about her found myfelf low fpirited, very low fpirited ; tapp'd the elixir of life, and was enchanted as you faw me. FLORIDOR. Drunk you mean as I now fee you. TYCHO. No, enchanted. F L O R I D O R. Enchanted ! TYCHO A CHRISTMAS TALE. 49 T Y C H O. Yes, I fay enchanted I fpeak plain, Cure ; I kn ' what drunkennefs is well enough ; heu is the enchanted vial ! (Jbewi it. F L O R I D O R. It was an evil fpirit that deluucJ you. T Y CHu. Good or evil fpirit, it is gone. (turns up the vial. FLO RID OR. It was one of the evil fpirits your folly fet at liberty, that met you, tempted, and overcame youand the con- fequences have undone u c . T Y C H O. I fhall know the traitrefs again when I fee her ; but don't fret about your fword and fhield you fhall have mine, and I'll iiand by, if I can, and fee fair play. FLO RID OR. I fhall go diftradted with my misfortunes ! T Y C H O. Hhre is the evil fpirit ! hold, hold, if it is, fhe is vaftly alter'd fince I faw her. Enter CAMILLA, (as an OldlVaman.) CAMILLA. Hold your peace, you intoxicated fool, or jou'll repent your prefumption. T Y C H O. I am not intoxicated with your perfon, Madam Nofe and Chin. FLOR I DOR. Ccafe your ribaldry, Tycho forgive his folly, he is H not 5 o A C H R I S T M A S T A L E. not himfelf, or he would not have given his tongue fuch licence. CAMILLA. Young Knight, civility fhould always be rewarded--- what is the matter with you ? can I be of fervice ? FLO RID OR. Impoflible ! impoflible ! my mind will burft with agony ! T Y C H O, (to Camilla.) I know you have a charm for the tooth-ach, and a fpcll for the ague but can you difchant, or unconjure my brains that is, can you with witch elm, crooked pins, a dry toad, or any of your family receipts, make me as fen- fible as I was before. CAMILLA. Very eafily'--drink of the water of yonder brook, plen- tifully, and reft yourfelf upon the bank 'till you are call'd for, and the vapours of your brain will difperfe, and you'll be fobcr again. T Y C H O. As I'm a little thirfty, and a little fleepy, I'll take your prefcription ; and if I was not already over head and ears in love, I wculd take you too Kind old lady, your's - Hark'ee if you are his friend too give the Knight a lit- tle advice, and bid him take mine, if he would go thro' life as he ought to do. [Exit Tycba, jlavgcring. CAMILLA, (to Fleridor, who walks about diJJra ft cdly.) Vexation, young man, will never find your fword and flrield. F L O R I D O R. Tormenting me will never cure my vexation why will you torment me, when you can't aflift me ? C A M- A CHRISTMAS TALE. 51 CAMILLA. Young Knight, you don't know what I might do with kind ufage. FLORID OR. Unavailing pity, as it wounds our pride, doubles our diftrefs. CAMILLA. Paflion blinds you, and you can't fee your friends. SONG. Young man, young man. Be this your plan, JVifdom get where'er you can ; See, fee, The humble bee, Draws wealth, from the mcanejl of flowers, Then hies away, JVtth his precious prey, No pajjlon his prudence fours. Young man, young man, Be this your plan, Wifdom get where'er you can. Wild youth, Ptijjion and truth, , So oppofite never agree j Be prudent, f*ge Draw wit from old age, And be wife as the humble bee. Young man, young man, Be this your plan, Wifdom get where'er you can, FLOR- 52 A CHRISTMAS TALE. FLORIDO R. Pardon me, venerable lady you have cool'd my heated imagination, and my folly is a convert to your wifdorn. CAMILLA. I will jbew my wifdorn, by afking before-hand what re- ward you will give me, to recover your fword and fhield. F L O R I D O R. You ihall command my fervices, and every thing in my power. CAMILLA. Shall I? F L O R I D O R. By my fword, and honour of Knighthood ! SOLEMN AIR. By my jbield and my By the chaplet that circles my By a Knight's facred word j IFhaiever you cfk^ How dreadful the ta/k, 'To fcrfcrm zY, 'fore beav'n I vow CAMILLA. Will you as a pledge of our compact, give me thofe trifling flowers that are ty'd round your head ? F L O R I D O R. Trifling .flowery and give them to you ! you mould fooner take my head from my body, or tear my heart from my bofom, than have the fmalleft bud of my fweet a's chaplet. C A M- A CHRISTMAS TALE. 53 CAMILLA. love's extravagance ! I may command every thing in your power, but what you don't chufe to part with. FLO RID OR. Afk my life, and you mall have it this wreath is dearer to me than my life. CAMILLA. Well, well, I'll take you at your word. " Whatever I afk, " How dreadful the tafk, " To perform it, 'fore Heaven you vow." Behold what charms there are in a young hero's fervices ! (She waves her Jlick^ the wood opens , and difcoven bis fword and Jhidd y hung upon the Jlem of a tree.) FLORIDOR, (rum and takes them down.) How delightful to my eyes, are thefe inftruments of my fame and glory ! Now tafk my fervice and my gratitude. CAMILLA. 1 am not in hafte for my reward other cares demand your fervices I mail call upon you in my turn. FLORIDOR. To whom am I bound in gratitude for ever ? CAMILLA. Grinnelda is my name. DUETTE. 54 A CHRISTMAS TALE. D U E T T E. Remember, young Knight, remember. Remember the words that I Jay, Dont laugh ui my age, Nor fcorn at my' rage, For ths I have paji my A fay, I'm mt frozen up in December. Remember, I ivill remember, Remember the words that you fay, I boiinir 'your age, Nor fcorn at your rage, And tho' yiu are poft your May, Your heart isftill warm in December. r Exeunt. SCENE II. 7 be Quifide and beauty, will repay, Enttr F L O R I D O R and T Y C H O. T YCHO. What a fine refrefhment this is after the hard labour of fighting and trying caufes? F L O R I D O R. Tycho ! has Faladel receiv'd the benefit he expelled, from the touch of my fword ? TYCHO. 64 A CHRISTMAS TALE; T Y C H O. It was wonderfully efficacious ! he moulted fo fan% that tho' he made all the hafte he could to his apartment, he left as many feathers in the way, as if he had been pluck'd for the fpit the moment he is pick'd clean from the owl, he will refume the monkey again, and appear before your honour, to pick a quarrel with me j the old bone of contention, Robinette. FLORIDOR. We fhall cool his courage bring before us the un- happy beauties, who have been forc'd away, and confined for the tyrant's pleafures. T Y C H O, (goes to the door^ and calls.) Open the female apartments, and let their treafures be, pour'd down at the feet of the conqueror Thofe that belong to the 'Squire, I fliall vifit privately, and difpofe off by private contract. [The chorus is fung again , during which) many women of the Seraglio , enter viel'd^ and at lajl Camilla^ (who is in chains) and Robinette : They throw tip their veils* FLORIDOR, (Jlarting.) Earth and heaven ! Camilla ! T Y C H O. Hell and the devil ! Robinette ! FLORID OR. All my laurels are blafted ! T Y C H O. Mine are in a fad pickle too ! CAMILLA, (running to Floridor.) My life, my love, my Floridor ! all my forrows vanifl* A CHRISTMAS TALE 65 in thefe arms ! (asfheruns to Floridor^ he turns away.) What cold, and regardlefs of me ? F LORI DOR. Can I fee you here, in the Seraglio of Nigromant, and not have caufe to lament, in the 'midft of my triumph ? CAMILLA. Can you fee me here, and in chains, and not find caufe for a greater triumph than that which you have gain'd ? unjuft and ungrateful Floridor Iwe were fciz'd upon by the magician, convcy'd here to be thr flaves of his p^afure; but my heart was engag'd, my mind was free, I refilled his paffion, fcorn'd his pow'r, and I triumph'd in thefe chains ! unjuft and ungrateful Fbridor ! FLORIDOR. Then I have conquer'd, indeed ! and thus I feize the brighteft reward, that ever conqueft was crown'd withal ! (after embracing her^ he takes off her chains. T Y C H O. Where are your chains, Robinette ? ROBINETTE. I left 'em behind me. T YCHO. I believe they flip'd eafily off but did you refift tooj Robinette ? ROBINETTE. I won't fatisfy you don't think that I am like Camilla, to be fufpe&ed one moment, and hugg'd the next ! T Y C H O. Only fay to fatisfy my honour that you came here againft vour will, and I'll pafs over the confequences. ROBINETTE. Your honour !- 1 prefer one feather of my favorite owl, I have here, to your whole mind and body. K 66 A CHRISTMAS TALE. T Y C H O. O ho ! Signiora Robinette, have I caught you ? what, do you prefer that owl, Faladel, tome? ROBINETTE. To all the world at prefent I did like monkies fome- time ago my mind is chang'd I hate grinning and folly___I am for wifdom and gravity and Ib follow your inclinations, as I (hall mine. [Exit Rob. T Y C H O. And fo I will ; for my inclinations are to follow you She (hall either take me round the neck diredlly, or I'll wring her owl's neck off before her face She has taught me to be merry, and I won't be made miferable again, if I can help it I have not conquer'd the evil fpirits for nothing. [Exit Tycho after Rob. FLORIDOR and CAMILLA come forward^ SONG in DIALOGUE. CAMIL. The Jlorm Jhall beat my breajl no more, The veffel fafe, the freight on Jhore, No more my bark Jhall tempt the fea, Scap'd from the rock of Jealoufy. F LOR I. Bright are the flowers which for jn this wreath , And frejh the odours which they breathe \ Thus ever Jhall our loves be free. From cruel blights of Jealoufy. BOTH. JVithrofes and with myrtles crowned, The conqu'ror. Love, fmile s all around, Triumphant reigns by heav'n's decree. And leads in chains grim Jealoufy. [ At the end of the fong a MefTenger enters.] M E S- A CHRISTMAS TALE. 67 MESSENGER. For the conqueror, Floridor ! (delivers a letter. F L O R I D O R. (reads.) By my aJJt/Jance you recover d your fujord and ftjield t by which you have conquered Nigromant, and are pof- fefsd of his treajures : Ton are now worthy of my love, and therefore I demand youi 's : What ever you afk, How dreauful the taflc, To perform it, 'fore heav'n I vow. i GRINNELDA. What a fpiteful old hag ? [Flor. Jlands confounded. CAMILLA. Whence comes that letter, Floridor, hich diftrelFei and confounds you fo ? I beg to fee it what's the mat- ter ? You alarm me ! FLORIDOR. Don't be alarm'd, indeed it is nothing ! CAMILLA. Then let me fee this nothing what, mere confounded ? O, Floridor ! falfe, falfe, Floridor ! FLORIDOR. To convince you, how little I value the writer, and re- gard the contents thus I deftroy at once her vanity and your apprehenfions. [ He tears the letter ; it thunders, and grows dark ; fames of fire are feen thro' the Seraglio windows j all but Floridor quit the place Jhrieking. ] Is heav'n and earth in league againft me ? what have I done, to provoke this war of elements? K 2 r nter 68 A CHRISTMAS TALE. Enter T Y C H O. (terrify d.) T Y C H O. The devils are got lofe again O, Signior Floridof, what have we done ? The paiace is on fire, the ladies have loft their fenfes, and I have loft both the ladies and my fenfes, fpr I faw FLORID OR. What, what ? where is Camilla ? TYCHO. . I thought I faw her carried thro' the air by the kind old witch, who fober'd me, and recover'd your fword and fhield but away fee the flames are coming upon us ! I am no Salamander as you are, and therefore I fhall get into a colder climate. [Exit Tycho running* FLORIDOR. I will brave it all ! [ The Seraglio breaks to pieces and difcovers the whole palace / flames. ] SONG. Let the loud thunder rattle, Flajh light 1 ning round my head, Place me in the front of battle. By rage and horror led ; Tho' death in all her ghajtly forms appear, My heart, tJxit knows no crime, can kntw no fear. I The flames and the ruins of the caftle vanifh away, and difcorer a fine moon-light fcene. ] FLOR A CHRISTMAS TALE. 69 FLO RID OR. What can all this mean ? by what offence unknown to me have I brought this complicated diftrefs upon me ? Enter T Y C H O ( frighten 'd.) T Y C H O. What a dreadful combuftion is this ! Where my Knight is, I can't tell ; and where I am, and how I got here, the fiends alone who brought me here can tell F L O R I D O R. Hark ! did not I hear a voice who's there ? T Y C H O. I hear a voice too ! I am afraid no friendly one ; I ex- pet every moment to feel feathers upon my fl:in, and a crooked beak inftead of a nofc. FLORIDOR. Who is muttering there ? art thou a good or evil fpirit ? T Y C H O. lam neither at prefcnt and how you, Signior Floridor, can (peak with fo clear a tone of voice in fuch a place as this, and in your condition, puzzles my philofophy ? FLORIDOR. My confcience upbraids me with nothing, and why (hould I fear? T YCHO. My confcience is not quite afleep but I hope my playr- ing at hide-and-feek with the feraglio girls a little, cannot be any great offence, after Robinette had difcarded me Enter C A M I L L A (as an old woman.) C A M I L L A. Joy to you, Floridor ! joy to myfelf now I have caught you near my own premifles, I mail not let you go till you have fulhll'd your engagements with me - FLOR- 7 o A CHRISTMAS TALE. FLORIDOR. Where is Camilla, pray ? CAMILLA. I have her fafe, and very fafe a pledge for your ful- filling the conditions of our treaty. FLORIDOR. My fword is ready to obey your commands. CAMILLA. Pooh ! pooh ! I want no affiftance of your Jword^ not I j I muft have your love, young man, and in return you fhall have my maiden affections, for they were never yet beftow'd upon any one., FLORIDOR. What can I do, or fay to her, while my Camilla is in danger ? TYCHO. Tell her you'll have her fhe can't live long, and then Camilla may be your's. (afide to FIor> CAMILLA. What are you muttering to him ? TYCHO. I was only wiming him joy of his good fortune, of which he does not feem quite fo fenfible as he ought. CAMILLA. His joy, perhaps, is fo great, he wants words to exprefs it. TYCHO. What will become of us ? pray if I may be fo bold, what tomb is that ? your late hufband's ? CAMILLA. A CHRISTMAS TALE. 71 CAMILLA. No, no, fool ! I am yet a virgin that tomb is in- tended to bury any ungrateful lover, that may chance to come in my way do you fee that houfe there ? ( pointing behind tbt fctnu. T Y C H O. I fee that houfe do you call it ? I have feen a hand- fomer pigfye. (afide. CAMILLA. Aye, that houfe and all its furniture are mine go you there, and prepare for our approaching nuptials. T Y C H O. She's mad ! I can't ftand upright in the houfe, unlds I put my head out of the chimney. CAMILLA. Why don't you do as I order you ? T Y C H O. I'll bring it here, if you pleafe ? CAMILLA. If you are infolent I fhall take another courfe with you do as I bid you, or T Y C H O. You'll make me I am gone. [Exit TyJtt. DUETTE, 72 A C H R I S T M A S T A L E. D U E T T E. CAMILLA. Take my hand my heart is thine, FLORIDOR. My hand and heart they are not mine, CAMILLA. May love and all its joys be thine f FLORIDOR. Ye gods above! Are ttxfe the promised joys of love ? CAMILLA. Thefe are the raptures calTd divint f FLORIDOR. My hand and heart they are not mine. CAMILLA. May love for many, many years , Without its doubts, its cares and fears. Each moment of our life controul. FLORIDOR. What anguljh tears my torturd foul? CAMILLA. Let me, fweet youth, thy charms behold \ And in thcfe arms thy beauties fold. FLORIDOR. / cannot hold, I cannot hold ! i ' CAMILLA. No more can I, no more can I, I blujh for Jhame, Ofye! fye ! FLORIDOR. I am all on fire ! CAMILLA. And fo am I, andfo am L FLORIDOR. // burns, deftroys, What can I do ? CAMILLA. I feel it too! O let's retire, And hide our loves ! FLORIDOR. Ye gods above ! Are thefe the promis'd joys of love t C A M I L L A. Come along come along I muft compel you to be happy give me fatisfaclion, or you will repent it [takes hsldcf his hand.] FLO- A CHRISTMAS TALE. 73 F L O R I D O R. Draw mc^ tear me to pieces with wild horfes my laft breath (hall figh Camilla for I am her's and her'salone-- (The jlage grows light, and Camilla quitting at once the form of the old Woman^ ajjumes her real char after and drefs.) CAMILLA. And I am Floridor's, and Floridor's alone ! (Floridor Jlarts andjlands aftoniflfd* Behold the reward of thy valor, con/tancy and honour ! the fire has try'd, and prov'd the value of the metal come to my arms, my hero ! F L O R I D O R. Was Grihnelda, Camilla ! wonderful heav*n ! let me firft return my thanks there, (kneth) for infpiring me with that valor, conjlahcy and honour, that has borne me up againft every trial, and completed my glory arid happinefs, in the arms of my Camilla ! (runs and embraces her. CAMILLA. I refign my pow'r, fortune, every thing to love, and be belov'd by thee. (mufic is heard* B O N O R O, defcends in a cloud. But fee your father, to perfect our union. B O N O R O. SONG. Clouds that had gathered o'er the daft Now leave the heav'ns more bright^ Vice before virtue's powerful ray, Sinks to the Jhadet of night. evil fprlghts, thdl late rufidfrth, Are now in darknffs bound j H'*hile beaitty, valor, matchlefi tvortk, Spread wide their fun/hint round, L Enft* 74 A C H R I S T M A S T A L E. Enter T Y C H O, (frigid.) , T Y C H O. Am I afleep, or awake, or neither, or both ? it mu,fl: be a dream CAMILLA. I forgot poor Tycho have you prepar'd for the nuptials ! TYCHO. I had alrnoft prepar'd for a long voyage in the air. I was luckily put of the hut to furvey it, when a wind to,ok it up like a boy's kite, and it was foon out of fight I wifh the old hag had been in it. FLOR ID O R. I mi^ft not hear you fay a word againft Grinnelda, 'tis thro' her that I am in poffeirion of Camilla TYCHO. Then heay'n blefs her for it, fay I but I fee I muft be thro' fomebody, to be in poffcffion of Robinette and now is the time (draws. Enter ROBINETTE and FALADEL. F ALA DEL. Ey my faith and wand, there is my rival, and he that will not die for you, ought not to live ; and fo let the ftouteft heart take you for ever, and for aye. (draws. TYCHO, You owl, you ! come on, I will foon make you look more diimal than you are ! FALADEL. You monkey, you !-- - 1 v/ill fpoiJ your grinnine, and fettle }our feature? in a moment, by rry Knighthood, I wi I ROBINETTE. Valiant . Dons, # word with both of you, before vou / Jil for th^i which \ ou can never obtain be affur'd, what e\tr A CHRISTMAS TALE. ?s ever liberties, I may have taken with your folly, that I can never give my heart to an owl. T Y C H O. That's fome comfort he ! he ! he ! ROBINETTE. Nor a monkey F A L A D E L. I am fatisfied, for ever and for aye. (turns off. T Y C H O. Here take your fcarf again, (pulling it off} I won't ftay to be laugh'J at if your love-ftomach for me returns you know where to fend for fome plumb cake, this ho- liday time, and fo your fervant. [Exit Tycho. [Boner o waves his -wand, tie cloud ufccr.ds^ and dij covers a fine drjfant profpscJ cfthejea, and a cajUe at a dijianc*> ic'itb the fun rifmg. B O N O R O. Ye once mnfl vurctcbcd of mankind^ By tyrant pou/r and lujl confindj From vice and jluifry frtt) Come join our farts , and thi* wfiymsvf t To celebrate their virtuous love, And your own liberty ! Enter tie different cbarafters of the Seraglio t MEN and WOMEN, ana join in A GRAND DANCE. BONORO. 7 6 A CHRISTMAS TALE. BONORO, FLORIDOR, CAMILLA, R O B I N E T T E, &c. &c. come forward. SO N G. BON. fior.our is to beanty plighted, Hearts with hands, Jhall be united, Hymen comes, his torch is lighted ! Honour, truth, and beauty call, Attend the nuptial fe/lival. f LOR. Lsi'e In my brcaft, no jlcnn blowing, Pc'e/s each tide is fuller gmwtng, And in grateful Jlrains oerfawing. Honour, truth, &c. ROB. Love in my breajl, tho a rover j Calmly fporting ivith each lover^ Will ty Jay with joy run ever / Honour, truth, &c. L* r 'e in my brtajl knows no meafure. Swells and alni'ft burfts luith pleafut'Cf H M la Jhare its bcitr.dlefs treasure. FLOR. I _ CAM i Love in mybrcair, &c. GRAND CHORUS. Let the ivritten page, Thro' every age, Record the wond'rous Jlory ; "Tis decreed from above, Her virtue Jhou'd be crown* d with love, And his tuith love and glory. FINIS, CHANCES. WITH ANEW EDITION. LONDON: Printed for the PROPRIETORS: And Sold by T. BECKET, the Corner of the Adelphi, in the Strand. 1774, DRAMATIS PERSONS. DON- JOHN, r.^ ^ ^ J Mr. G A *R ,. T- r- I Gentlemen, ] . DON FREDERICK, ^ ^Mr. JEFFERSON. DUKE, Mr. PACKER. PETRUCHIO, Mr. J AICKIN. ANTONIO Mr. PARSONS. f"Mr. J. BANNISTER. DUKE'S Party, J [Mr. YATES. f Mr. FAWCETT. PETRUCHIO'S Party, [Mr. GRIFFITH. PETER, and C Servants to Don ("Mr. W. PALMER. J John and Don< ANTHONY, Frederick. [Mr. BURTON. SURGEON, Mr. WRIGHTEN. FRANCISCO, Mr. WRIGHT. WOMEN. Firft CONSTANTIA, Mifs YOUNGE. Mother-in-LawtoCoNSTANTiA, Mrs. HOPKINS. KINSWOMAN, Mifs PLATT. LANDLADY, Mrs. BRADSHAW. NURSE, Mrs. LOVE. Second CONSTANTIA, Mrs. ABINGTON. ADVERTI SE M E N T. THE three firft ads of The Chances, originally written by Beaumont and Fletcher, have been much approv- ed of; but thofe authors, in this, as in many other of their plays, feeming to grow tir'd of their fubjecl:, have fmifhed it with an unfkilfulnefs and improbabi- lity which fhew, at leaft, great hafte, and negligence. The Duke of Buckingham ^ in his edition of this Comedy, gave a new turn and plan to the two laft a6ls, and certainly added intereft, and fpirit, to the fable and dialogue; but the play, when it came out of his hands, was ftill more indecent than before. The fami- liar, and often irregular, verification of the the original, is prefer v'd in this edition ; nor has the prefent editor chang'd into meafure thofe parts, which the Duke thought proper to write in profe. Should this play be thought, in its pre- fent ftate, a more decent entertainment, it is all the merit that is claim a from thefe neceffary, tho' flight additions, and alterations. THE THE CHANCES. ACT I. SCENE I. A CHAMBER. Enter Peter and Anthony, t-wo Servants. PETER. V V OULD we were remov'd from this tow That we may tafte fome quiet ; for mine own part, I'm almoft melted with continual trotting .Ai'trr enquiries, dreams, and revelations, ho knows whom,or A here? Serve wenching foldiers ! Ill lerve a prieft in lent fiill, and eat bell ropes, Ant. Thou art the forwardeft fool Pet. Why, good tame Anthony, Tell me but this , to what end came we hither ? Ant. To wait upon our mafters. Pet. But how, Anthony ? Anlwer me that ; refolve me there, good Anthony. Ant. To ferve their lifts. Pet. Shew your ufes, Anthony. Ant. To be employ'd in any thing. Pet. No, Anthony, Not any thing I take it, nor that thing B We 2 THE CHANCES. We travel todifcover, like a new ifland ; A fait itch ferve fuch uies ! I'll give 'em warning. Ant. Come, come, all will be mended: This invisible Of infinite report for fhape and beauty, (woinaiij That bred all this trouble to nopurpofe, They are determin'd now no more to think or). Pet, Were there ever Men known to run mad with report before ? Or wander after that they knew not where To find , or if found, how to enjoy ? Are mens brains Made now-a-days with mak, that their affections Are never fober; but, like drunken people, Founder at every new fame ? I do believe too 'i hat men in love are ever drunk, as drunken men Are ever loving. Ant. Prithee be thou fober, And know that they are none of thofe, not guilty Of die leait vanity of love , only a doubt Fame might too far report, or rather flatter The graces of this woman, made them curious To find the truth -, which, fmce they find fo Lock'd up from their fearches, they are now refolv'd To s\vt the wonder over. ^j Pet. Would they were refolv'd To give me fome new fhoes too ; for I'll be fworn Theie are e'en worn out to the reaibnable foles In their good worfhip's bufmefs : And fome deep Would not do much amifs, unltfs they mean To make a bell- man of me : here they come. [Exeunt. Enter Don John and Frederick. John. I would we could have feen her tho* : for furc She muft be fome rare creature, or report lies : All mens reports too. Fred. I could well wifh I had feen Conjtantia : But fmce Jhe is fo conceal'd, plac'd where No knowledge can come near her, fo guarded As 'twere impoflible tho' known, to reach her, I have made up my belief. I have THE CHANCES. John. Hang me from this hour, If I more think upon her; But as flie came a ftrange report unto me, So the next fame mail lofe her. Fred. 'Tis the next way ; But whither are you walking ? John. My old round, After my meat, and then to bed. Fred. Your fervant then John. Will not you ftir ? Fred. I have a little bufmefs. John. I'd lay my life, this lady ftill : Fred. Then you would lofe it. John. Pray let's walk together. Fred. Now I cannot. John. I have fomething to impart. Fred. An hour hence I will not mifs to meet you. John. Where ? Fred. Pth f highftreet: For, not to lye, I have a few devotions To do firft, and then I am your's, Don John. John. Devotions, Frederick! well I leave you to*em ; Speed you well but remember Fred. I will not fail. [Exeunt. S C E N E II. A STREET. Enter Petruchio, Antonio, and two Gentlemen. Ant. Cut his wind-pipe, I fay. i Gent. Fie, Antonio. [him : Ant. Or knock his brains out firft, and then forgive If you do thruft, be fure it be to th' hilts, A furgeon may fee through him. 1 Gent. You are too violent. 2 Gent. Too open, indifcreet. Petr. Am I not ruined ? The honour of my houfe crack'd ? my blood poifon'd? My credit and my name ? B 2 2 Gent. 4 THE CHANCES. 2 Gent. Be fure it be fo, Before you ufe this violence. Let nor doubt, And a fufpedling anger fo much f\vdy )ou ; Ycur wifdom may be queftion'd. Ant. I fay kill him, And then difpute the caufe. 2 Gent. Hang up a true man, Becaufe'tis pofiible he may be thievifh ? Alas ! is this good juftice ? Petr. I know as certain As day mult come again, as clear as truth, And open as belief can lay it to me, That I am bafely wrong'd,wiong'd above reccrrspence, Malicioufly abus'd, blafted tor ever In name and honour, loft to all remembrance, But what is fmeur'd and fhamcful : 1 mull kill him, Neceflity compels me. i Gent. But think better. Petr. There's no other cure left -, yet witnefs with me All that is fare in man, all that is noble. I am not greedy of his life I feck for, [fible, Nor thirft to fhed man's blood -, and would 'twere pol- J wim it from my foul, My fword mould only kill his crimes : no, 'tis Honour, honour, my noble friends, that idol honour, That all the world now worfhips, not Petrucbio^ Muft do this juftice. Ant. Let it once be done, And 'tis no matter, whether you or honour, Or both be acceflary. 2 Gent. Do you weigh, Petruc'tio, The value of the perfon, power, and greatness, And what this fpark may kindle ? Petr. To perform it, So much I am tied to reputation, And credit of my houfe, let it raife wild-fires, And ftorms that tofs me into everlafting ruin., I p,uft through if you dare fide me Ant. THE CHHNCES. 5 Ant. Dare ! Say we were all fire to d'e in this venture, .As I am confident againft it ; Is there any Amongft us ot io fat a fenfe, fo pamper'd, "\\ ould chufe luxuricufly to lie a bed, And purge away his Ipirit ? fend his foul out In fugar-fops, and fyrups ? give me dying, As dying ought to be, upon my enemy \ Let 'em be ail the World, and bring along Cain's envy with thrm I will on. 1 Cent. We'll follow. Petr. YouVe friends inJeed ! 2 Gent. Here is none will fly from you ; D > it in whatdrfign you pleale, we'ii buck you. Pctr- That's f:>oken heartily. Ant. And he that flinches, ' May he die loufy in a ditch. j Gent. Is the c::ufe fo mortal ? nothing bu: hi j life ? Pctr. Believe me, A lefs offence has been the defolation Of a whole name. 1 Gent. No other way to purge it ? Pet*. There is, but never to be hop'd for. 2 Gent. Tlr.nk an hour more, And if then you find no fafer road to guide you, "We'll let our reft too. Ant. Mine's up already, And hang him for my part, goes lefs than life. [Exeunt-. SCENE III. Enter Don John. Join. The civil order of this city, Naples, Makes it belov'd and honour'd of all travellers, As a molt fate retirement in all troubles , Befide the whollbmc fear, and noble temper Of thole minds that inhabit it, lately wife, And to all flr:inaers courteous : Cut I fee My admiration has drawn night upon : And longer to expeft my friend may pu'.i : Inte 6 THE CHANCES. Into fufpicion of too late a ftirrer, Which all good governments are jealous of, I'll home, and think at liberty : yet certain, 'Tis not fo far night as I thought ; for fee, A fair houfe yet itands open, yet all about it [play : Are clofe, and no lights ftirring ^ there may be foul I'll venture to look in If there be knaves, I may do a good office. Within. Signion John. What? How is this? Within. Signior Fabritio. John. I'll go nearer. Within. Fabritio. [done. John. This is a woman's tongue, here may be good Within. Who's there ? Fabritio ? John. Ay. Within. Where are you ? John. Here, Within. O come, for Heaven's fake ! John. I muft fee what this means. Enter a Woman with a Child. (noife , Worn. I have ftay'd this long hour for you, make no Foe things are in ftrange trouble here be fecret, 'Tisvrorthyour care: be gone now; more eyes watch us Than may be for our fafeties. John. Hark ye Worn. Peace; good-night. \Exit faulting the door.] John. She's gone, and I am loaden fortune for me! It weighs well, and it feels well ; it may chance To befome pack of worth: by the mafs tis heavy ! If it be coin or jewels, 'tis worth welcome. I'll ne'er refufe a fortune I am confident *Tis of no common price : Now to my lodging : If it be right, I'll blefs this night ! [Exit SCENE IV. Another STREET. Enter Duke and three Gentlemen. i)uks. Welcome to town, are ye all fit ? i Gent, THE CHANCES. ? 1 Gent. To point, Sir. Duke. Where are the horfes ? 2 Gent. Where they were appointed. Duke. Be private all, and whatsoever fortune Offer itfelf, let us ftand lure. 3 Gent. Fear not ; 'Ere you (hall be endanger'd, or deluded, We'll make a black night on't. Duke. No more, I know it j You know your quarters ? 1 Gent. Will you go alone, Sir ? Duke. You fhall not be far from me, the leafl noifc Shall bring you to my refcue. 2 Gent. We are counfell'd. [Exeunt. SCENE V. Enter Don John, with a Child crying. John. Was ever man fo paid for being curious ? Ever fo bobb'd for fearching out adventures, [peeping As I am ? Did the devil lead me ? muft I needs be Into men's honfes where I hid no bufmefs, And make myfelf a mifchief ? J Tis wellcarry'd ! I muft take other mens occafions on me, And be I know not whom : moft finely handled ! What have I got by this now ? What's the purchafef A piece of pap and caudle-work a child, Indeed an infidel : this comes of peeping ! What a figure do I make now ! good white bread, Let'.-.. ; :i. e no bawling wi'ye' ; 'fdeath, have I Known wenches thus long, all the ways of wenches, Their fnares and fubtilties ? Have I read over All their fchool-Iearning, ftudied their quirks and And am I now bumfiddlcd with a baftard ? [quiddits, At my age too ! fie upon't ! Well, Don John, You'll be wifer one day, when you have paid dearly Fora collection of thele butter prints ! 'Twould not grieve me to keep this ginger-bread, Were it of my own baking i but to beggar John. 8 T H E C It A N C E 5. Myfelf in caudles, riurfes, coral, bells and babies, For other mens iniquities! a little Troubles me , what fliall I do with it now ? Should I be caught here dandling this pap-fpoon, 1 mall be fung in ballads ; 'prentice boys Will call me nick names as I pafs the ftreets ; I can't bear it ! no eyes are near I'll drop it For the next curious coxcomb how it fmiles upon me! Ha ! you little fugar-fop ! 'tis a fweet baby , 'Twere barb'rous to leave it ten to one would kill it ; Worfe fin than his who got it Well, T'll take it, And keep it as they keep death's head in rings, To cry memento to me. No more peeping ! Now all the danger is to qualify The good old gentlewoman, at whofe houfe we lodge ; For fhe will fall upon me with a catachiim Of four hours long I muft endure all , For I will know this mother Come, good wonder, Let you and I be joggin your ftarv'd treble Will waken the rude watch elfe. All that be Curious night-walkers may they find my fee. [Exit, S C E N E VI. A STREET. Enter Frederick. Fred. Sure he's gone home: I've beaten all the pur- But cannot bolt him ! what's here ! [liens, Enter Conftantia Con. I am ready, And through a world of dangers am flown to you ; Joe full of hafle and care, we are undone eife : Where are your people ? which way muft we travel ? For Heaven's fake flay not here, Sir. bred. What may this prove ? Ccn. Alas ! I am miltaken, loft, undone, For ever perifh'd ! Sir, for Heaven's fake tell me, Are you a gentleman ? Fred. I am. Ccn. Of this place ? Fred. THE CHANCES. Fred. No, born in Spain. Con. As ever you lov'd honour, As ever your defires may gain their ends, Do a poor wretched woman but this benefit, For I am forc'd to truft you. Fred. You have charm'd me, Humanity and honour bids me help you ; And if I fail your trull Con. The time's too dangerous To ft ay your proteflations : I believe you, Alas ! I muft believe you : from this place, Good noble Sir, remove me inilantly. And for a time, where nothing but yourfelf, And honed ccnverlation may com near me, In ibme fecure place fettle me : What I am, And why thus boldly I commit my credit Into a Granger's hand, the fear and dangers That force me to this wild courle, at more leiiure I fhail reveal unto you. Fred. Come, be hearty, He muft ftr ike thro* my life that takes you from mt.[Ex t SCENE VII. Enter Petruchio, Antonio, and two Gentlemen. Petr. He will furecome. Are you all well arm'd ? Ant. Never fear us : Here's that will make 'em dance without a fiddle. Petr. We are to look for no weak foes, my friends, Nor unadvifed ones. Ant. Beit gamefters make the belt play j We mall fight dole and home too. i Gent. Antonio, You are a thought too bloody. Ant. Why all phyficians And penny almanacks allow the opening Of veins this month ; why do you talk of bloody ! What come we for, to fall to cuffs for apples ? What, would you make the caufe a cudgel quarrel ? C On I0 THE CHANCES. On what terms Hands this man ? Is not his honour Open'd t'his hand, and pick'd out like an oyltcr ? His credit like a quart-pot knock'd together, Able to held no liquor ? Cle;jr out this point. Petr. Speak Ibftly, gentle coufin, 'Ant. I'll fpeak truely, What mould men do, aliy'd to thtfe difgraces, Lick oVr his enemy, fir down, and dance him ? Cry, that's my fine boy ! thou'lt do ib no more, child. Petr. Here are no iuch cold pities. Ant. By St. Jaques, They mall not rind me one ! here's old tough Andrex, A fpecial friend of mine, and he but hold, I'll flrike 'em fuch a horn-pipe : Knocks I come for, And the bcft blood I light on -, I prcfds it, Not to fcare code i mongers , if I lok my own, My audit's call, and turewcll five-and- fifty. Pe>r. Let's talk no longer,place yourieif withfilence, As I direc"l you ; and when time calls us, As you are friends, fo mew yourfelves. Ant. So be it ; O how my fingers tingle to be at 'em! [Exeunt. SCENE VIII. A CHAMBER. Enter Don John and bis Landlady. Land. Nay, fon, if this be your regard. John. Good Mother. Land. Good me no goods, your coufin and yourielf Are welcome to me, wh lift you bear yourfelves Like honed and true gentlemen : Bring hiihtr To my houfe, that have ever been repmcd A gentlewoman of a decent, and fair carriage, And fo behav'd mylclt John I know you have. Lat.d. Enng hither, as I fay, to make my name Stink in my neighbour's noftrils, your devices, Your brats got out of allicant and broken caths ; Your THE CHANCES. u Your linfey-woolfey work, }our hafly-puddings' I fafter up your filch'd iniquities ! You're deceiv'd in me, Sir, I am none Of thole receivers. John. Have I not (Worn unto you, 'Tis none of mine, and fhevv'd you how I found it ? Land. You found an eafy fool that let you get it. John. Will you hear me ? Land. O^ths ! what care you for oaths to gain your ends, When you are high and pamper'd r what faint know Or what religion but your wicked paffions ? (you ? I'm Pick to fee this dealing. Jcbn. Heaven forbid, mother ! Land. Nay, I am very fick. John. Who waits there ? Pet. Sir! (within) John. Bring a bottle of Canary win?. Land. Exceeding fick, Heaven help me! John. Hafle you, Sirrah ! I limit: e'en make her drunk Nay, gentle mother. Lend. Now fie upon you ! was it for this purpofe You fetch'd your evening walks for your devotions, For this pretended holineis ? No weather, Not before day, could hold you from the mattins : W T ere thefe your bo-peep prayers ? you've pray'd well, And with a learned zeal watch'd well too , your faint It fecms was pleas'd as well. Still ficktr, ficker ! Enter Peter with a bottle cf wine. Jchn. There's no talking to her till I havedrench'd her: Give me: here, mother, t; ke a good round draught. It will purqe fpleen from your fpirits , deeper, mother. Land. Ay, ay, ion, you imagine this will mend all. Jchn. All Pfaith, mother. Land. I confefs the wine Will do its part. John* I'll pledge you. Land. But, fon Jckn. C 2 12 THE CHANCES. Jean. I know your meaning, mother, touch it once more. Alas, you look net well ' take a round draught, It warms the blood well, and rcflorcs the colour. And then we'll talk at large. Land. A civil gentleman ! A ftranger ! one the town holds a good regard of ! John. Now we grow kind and maudlin. (afidf, Land. One that fhould weigh his fair name ! Oh, a flitch! John. There's nothing better for a ftitch, gooc} mother, Make no fpare of it, as you love your health ; Mince not the matter. L&nd. As I laid, a gentleman lo^ge In my houfe! Now Heav'n's my comfort, Signer! John. And the wine good, mother I look'd for this, Land. I did not think you would have us'd me thus \ A woman of credit, one, heav'n knows, That loves you but too tenderly. John. The thunder ceafes, and the rain defcends. Land. What do you fay, fon ? John. I fay, mother, That I ever found your kindnefs, and acknowledg'd it, Land. No, no, I'm a fool to counfel you. Where's the infant ? Come let's fee your workmanfhip. John. It is none of mine, mother, but I'll fetch it. Here it is, and a lufty one. Land. O Heav'n blefe thee ! Thou hadil a hafty making ; but the beft is, 'Tis many a good man's fortune : As I live, Your own eyes, Signior ; and the nether lip As like you, as you had fpit it. John. I'm glad on't. Land. Blels me, what things are thefe ? Jchn. I thought my labour Was THE CHANCES. 13 Was not all loft-, 'tis gold, and thefc are jewels, Both rich and right, I hope. Land. Well, well, fon John^ I fee you are a wood-man and can chufc Your deer, tho' it be i' th' dark ; Here I am with you now, when, as they fay, Your pleafure comes with profit; when you muft needs do, Do where you may be done to ; 'tis a wifdom Becomes a young man well John. Confound your proverbs. All this time, good mother, The child wants looking tdo, wants meat and nurfes. Land. Now blefling o' thy hearr, it mail have all, And inftantly -, I'll feek a nurfe myfelf, fon. 3 Tis a fweet child : ah, my young Spaniard ! Take you no further care, Sir. John. Yes, of thefe jewels, I muft, by your good leave, mother ; thefe are mine : The gold for bringing up on't, I freely render To your charge : for the reft I'll find a maftcr. But where's Don Fred'rick, mother ? Land. Ten to one, About the like adventure ; he told me He was to find you out. Jchn. Why mould he flay thus ? There may be fome ill chance in't j fleep I will not, Before I have found him : Well, my dear mother, let the child be look'd to ; And look you to be rewarded. About it Strait, good mother. Land. No more words, nor no more children, Good fon, as you love me this may do well : This (hall do well : Eh ! you little fweet cherub ! John. So, fo, I thought the wine wou'd do its duty : She'll kill the child with kindnefs ; t'other glafs, And me had ravilh'd me : There is no way Qf bringing women of her age to reafon But 14 THE CHANCES. But by this g ; rl? of fifteen arc caught Fifty ways, they bite as faft as you throw in j But witji the old cold 'tis difPrent dealing, 'Tis wine muft warm them to their fenfe of feeling. [Exit. ACT II. SCENE I. ^CHAMBER. Enter Frederick and Anthony, with a Candle. Fred. f~^ IVE me the candle , fo, go you out that VJT way. Ant. What have we now to do ? Fred. And on your life, Sirrah, Let none come near the door without my knowledge ; No not my landlady, nor my friend. Ant. Tis done, Sir. Fred. Nor any ferious bufmefs that concerns me. Avt. Is the wind there again ? Fred. Be gone. Ant. I am, Sir. [Exit. Fred. Now enter without fear-: Enter ift Conftantia with a jewel. And, noble lady, That fafety and civility you wifh for Shall truly hear attend you : no rude tongue Nor rough behaviour knows this place ; no wifhes Beyond the moderation of a man, Dare enter here. Your own defires and innocence, Join'd to my vow'd obedience, {hall protect you. Con. You are truly noble, And worth a woman's truft : let it become me, (I dobefeech you, Sir) for all your kindnefr, To render with my thanks this worthleis trifle ; I may be longer troubleibme. Fred. Fair ofHces Are (till their own rewards ; Helens blefs me, lady, Frem felling civil courtefies. May it plede you, If THE C H A N C & S. 15 If you will force a favour to oblige me, Draw but that cloud afide, to iatibfy me For what good angel I am engag'd. Con. It mall be; For I am truly confident you are honeft : The piece is fcarce worth looking on. Fred. Truft me, The abflraft of all beauty, foul of fweetnefs ! Defend me, honeft thoughts, I mall grow wild elfe ! What eyes are there ! good blood be temperate, I mult look off: too excellent an object Confounds the fenfe that fees it : noble lady, If there be any further fervice to caft on me, Let it be worth my life, fo much I honour you Ccn. Your fcrvice is too liberal, worthy Sir. Thus far I mail entreat Fred. Command me, lady : You make your power too poor. Con. That prefemly, With all convenient hade, you will retire Unto the iVreet you found me in. Fred. 'Tis done. Ccn. There, if you find a gentleman opprefs'd With force and violence, do a man's office, And draw your fword to reicue him. Fred. Ile'sfafe, Be what he will ; and let his foes be devils, Arrn'd with your beauty, I mall conjure 'em. Retire, this key will guide you : all things neceflary Are there before you. Con. All my pray ers go with you. [Exit. 1'red. Men fay gold Does all, engages ail, v/crks thro' all dangers : Now I fay, btauty can do more. The king's exchequer, Nor all hi \veakhy Indies, could not draw me 'Thro' h;ilr tLofe celeries this piece of pleafure Might make me leap into : we are all like fea-charts, Ail our endeavours and our motions (As i6 THE CHANCES. (As they do to the north) (till point at beauty., Still at the faircft ; yet to her, I vow, Unlefs it be her own free gratitude, My hopes {hall die, and my tongue rot within me, 'Ere I infringe my faith now to my refcue [Exit. S C E NE II. A STREET. Enter Duke, purfifd by Petruchio, Antonio, and that Party. Duke. You will not all opprefs me ? Ant. Kill him i' th* wanton eye : Let me come to him. Duke. Then you mall buy me dearly, \theyfight, the Enter Don John. Duke falls. John. Sure 'tis fighting ! My friend may be engag'd : Fie, gentlemen, Tnis is unmanly odds , prefs upon A fall'n enemy ! it is cowardly Thus will I protect him ! [Don John leftrides him, Ant. I'll Itop your mouth, Sir. John. Nay, then have at thee freely : There's a plumb, Sir, to fatisfy your longing. Petr. He's fallen ; I hope I have fpcd him : "Where's Antonio ? Ant. I muft have one thru ft more, Sir, John. Come up to me. Ant. A miichief confound your ringers. He's given me my quietus eft ; 1 felt him In my fmall guts , I'm fure he's feez'd me ; This comes of fiding with you. Petr. I hear more refcue coming. \rampUng&ftbin. Ant. Let's turn back then , My fkulPs uncloven yet, let me but kill ! Petr. Away, for hcav'n's fake, with him. [They hurry him off. Enter the Duke's Parly. John. Help, gentlemen how is it ? Duke THE CHANCES, 17 Duke. Well, Sir, Only a little ftagger'd: Dukes Party. Let's purfue 'em. Duke. No, not a man, I charge you : Thanks, good coat, Thou haft fav'd me a fhrew'd welcome , 'twas put home, \Vith a good mind too, I'm fure on't. Jehn. Are you fafe then ? Duke. My thanks to you, brave Sir, whofe timely And manly courteiy, came to my refcue. [valour, John. You had foul play offer'd you, and fhame befal That can pafs by oppreflion. [him Di:ke. May I crave, Sir, But this much honour morej to know your name, And him 1 am fo bound to ? Jobn. For the bond, Sir, 'Tis every good man's tie : to know me further, Will little profit you ; I am a ftranger, My country Spain, my name Don Jckn y a gentleman That came abroad to travel. Duke. I have hear'd, Sir, Much worthy mention of you, yet I find Fame fhort of what you are. John. You are pleas'd, Sir, To exprefs your courteiy : May I demand As freely what you are, and what mifchancc Caft you into this danger ? Duke. For this prelent I mud defire your pardon : You mail know me* 'Ere it be long, Sir, and a nobler thanks, Than now my will can render. John. Your will's your own, Sir. (Looking about i Duke. What is't you look for, Sir ? have you loft any thing ? 'John. Only my hat i' th' fcufHe ; fure thefe fellows were night-fnaps. Duke. No, believe me, Sir : Pray ufe mine, For 'twill be hard to find your own now. D Job* 18 THE CHANCES. John. Indeed I cannot. "Duke. Indeed you (hall ; I can command another." I do befeech you honour me. Jdm. Well, Sir, then I will, And ib I'll take my leave. Duke. Within thefe few days I hope I mall be happy in your knowledge -, Till when I love your mem'ry. [ Exit with bis party. John. And I your's : This is fome noble fellow ! Enter Frederick. Fred. *Tis his tongue fure : Don John! John. Don Frederick! Fred. You're fairly met, Sir ! Prithee tell me what revelation haft thou had to-night, That home was never thought of ? John. Revelations ! I'll tell thee, Frederick : But before I tell thee, Settle thy underftanding. Fred. 'Tis prepar'd, Sir. John. Why then mark what (hall follow : This night, Frederick, this wicked night Fred. I thought no lefs. John. This blind night What doll thou think I have got ? Fred. What fuch wanton fellows ought to get. John. Would 'twere no worfe : You talk of revela- I have got a revelation will reveal jne [tions. An errant coxcomb whilft I live. Fred. What is't ? Thou haft loft nothing ? John. No, I have got, I tell thee. Fred. What haft thou got ? John. One of the infantry, a child. Fred. How ? John. A chopping child, man. Fred. Give you joy, Sir. Job*. THE CHANCES. 19 John. I'll give it you, Sir, if it is joy. Fred*rick, This town's abominable, that's the truth of it. Fred. I {till told you, John^ Your wenching muft come home i I councell'd you, But where no grace is John. 'Tis none of mine, man. Fred. Anfwer the parifh fo. John. Cheated in troth : Peeping into a houfe, by whom I know not, Nor where to find the place again ; no, Frederick, 'Tis no poor one, That's my belt comfott, for't has brought about it Enough to make it, man. Fred. Where is't ? John. At home. (Signior, Fred. A faving voyage : But what will you lay, To him that fearching out your ferious wcrlhuj, Has met a ftranger fortune ? John. How, good Frederick ? A militant girl to this boy would hit it. Fred. No, mine's a nobler venture : What do you think, Sir, Of a diftrefied lady, one whofe beauty Would over-fell all Italy ? John. Where is me ? Fred. A woman of that rare behavior, So qualify'd, as love and admiration Dwell round about her ; of that perfect fpirit ! John. Ay marry, Sir. Fred. That admirable carriage, That fwectnefs in difcourfe ; young as the morning, Her blufhes ftaining his. John. But where's this creature ? Shew me but that. Fred That's all one, (he's forth-coming. I have her fure, boy. John. Hark'ee, Frederick^ What truck betwixt my infant ? D 2 Fred, 30 THE CHANCES, Fred. 'Tis too light, Sir, Stick to your charge, good Don John, I am well, John. But is there fuch a wench ? 'Fred. Firil tell me this : Pid you not lately, as you walk'd along, Difcover people that were arm'd, and likely TO do offence ? John. Yes marry, and they urg'd it, s far as they had fpirit. Fred, fray go forward. John. A gentleman I found engag'd among'ft 'em, It ieems of noble breeding, I'm fure brave metal ; As I return'd to look you, I fet into him, And without hurt (I thank heav'nj reicu'd him. Fred. My work's done then : And now to fatisfy you, there is a woman, Qh John ! there is a- woman John. Qh, where is me ? Fred. And one of no lefs worth than I affure you, And which is more, falien under my potection. John. I'm glad of that , forward, fweet Frederick. Fred. And which is moft of all me is at home too, Jchn. Come, let's be gone then. (Sir. Fred. Yes , but 'tis moft certain You cannot fee her, John. John, Why? Fred. She has fworn me, That none elfe mall come near her ; not my mother, Till ibme doubts are clear'd. John. Not look upon her ? --"What chamber is (he in ? Fred. In ours. John. Let's go, I fay : A woman's oaths are wafers, break with making ; They muft for modefty a little : we all know it j J-et's go, I fay Fred. No, I'll gflure you, Sir. Jabn. Not fee her ! I fmell an, old dog-trick of your's. Look'ee, FrefrUk, T H E C H A N C E S. 2 i You talk'd to me of wenching, let's have fair play, Square dealing I would wifh you. Fred. You may depend upon it, John. John. Tell me, And tell me true, is the caufe honourable ? Or for your pleafure ? Fred. By all our friendfhip, Jobn^ 'Tis honeft, and of great end. John. I'm anfwer'd ; But let me fee her tho* Fred. I can't. John. Leave the door open as you go in. Fred. I dare not. John. Not wide open, But juft fo as a jealous hufband Would level at his wanton wife through. Fred. That courtefy, If you defire no more, and keep it ftric~tly, I dare afford you : Come, 'tis now near morning. John. Along, along then, dear Frederick. [Exeunt. Enter Peter and Anthony. Pet. Nay, the old woman's gone too. Ant. She's a eater-wauling Amongft the gutters ; But conceive me, Peter, Where our good mafters mould be. Pet. Where they mould be, I do conceive , but where they are, good Anthony Ant. Ay, there it goes : my matter's bo-peep with With his fly popping in and out again, (me, Argu'd a caufe Pet. My faint-like Don has hir'd a chapel In the corner there, for his pious ufes, Where I, againft my will, watch, faft and pray. Ant. Hark ! (Lute founds. Pet. What! Ant. Doft not hear a noife ? .'tis a lute. P*/, C 2 THE; CHANCES. Pet. Odd it's a lute or a drum where is it ? Ant. Above, in my mailer's chamber. fet. There's no creature : he hath the key himfelf, Ant. Let him have it this is his lute. [man. (Singing wit bin. Pet. I grant you -, but who ftrikes it ? Ant. An admirable voice too ! hark you. Pet. Antbony^ Art fure we are at home ? Ant. Without all doubt, Peter. Pet. Then this muft be the devil. Ant. Let it be. Good devil, fmg again : O dainty devil, Peter, believe it, a moft delicate devil ! The fweeteft devil ! Enter Frederick and Don John, Fred. If you would leave peeping. John. I cannot by no means. jprfeA Then come in fottly -, And as you love your faithj prefume no further Than you have promifed. John. Bafta. Fred. What makes you up fo early, Sir ? Jobn. You, Sir, in your contemplations ! Pet. O pray you peace, Sir. Ant Hum! hum! (Lute founds. Fred. Why peace, Sir ? Pet. Do you hear ? John. *Tis your lute : fhe's playing on't. Ant. The houfe is haunted, Sir ! For this we have heard this half year. Fred. You faw nothing ? Ant, Not I. Pet. Nor I, Sir. Fred. Get us our breakfaft then, And make no words on't. Jcbn. We'll undertake this fpirit, if it be one. THE CHANCES* 23 Ant. This is no devil, Peter: Mum ! there be bats abroad. [Exaal. Fred. Stay, now (he fings ! John. An angel's voice, I'll fwear ' Fred. Why didft thou Ihrug fo ? Either allay this heat, or as I live I will not truft you. John. Pafs I warrant you. [Exeunt. SCENE III. Another CHAMBER. Enter ift Conftantia, with a lute. Thou friendly foothing inftrument, my better Genius has furely laid thee in my way, That thy fweet melancholy ftrain might echo To the forrows of my heart, left it o'er-burthen'd Should, from reflection, fink into defpair. SONG. I. How cruelly fated is woman to woe, TLOO weak to contend, fiill befet by the foe : Tho* each wijhwe conceiv'd,Jhou y a be cr own* d with fnccefs^ What would flow from thofe wijhes, but care, anddiftrefs. For love intervenes, and fancy's gayfcenes, Alis ! are clouded all o'er, *The fun quits thejkies, hope Jickens, and dies, Heigho ! the heart fays no more. II. Tho' beauty and riches together confpire, To flatter our 'pride, and fulfil each dejire ; Nor beauty, nor ricbts, give peace to that brcaft, Which paffion has tortur'd, and grief has opprefs'd. For love intervenes, and fancy's gay fcener y /lias! are clouded all o'er, The fun quits thejkies, hope fickens, and dies, Height ! the heart fays no more. To 24 THE CHANCES. To curfe thofe flars that men fay govern us, To rail at fortune, to fall out with fate, And tax the general word, will help me noxhing Alas, I am the fame (till, neither are they Subject to helps or hurts ; our own delires Are our own fates, our own ilars all our fortunes, Which, as we fway 'em, fo abufe, or blefs us. Enter Frederick, and Don John peeping. Fred. Peace to your meditations. John. Pox upon you, Stand out of the light. i Con. I crave your mercy, Sir ! My mind o'er-charg'd with care, made me unmannerly, Fred. Pray you fet that mind at reft,all mall beperfedh John. I like the body rare , a handlome body, A wond'rous handfome body would fhe would turn : See, and that fpightful puppy be not got Between me and my light again. Fred. '1 is done, As all that you command mail be : The gentleman Is fafely off all danger. John. los Dios ! what a rare creature ! I Lon. How mall I thank you, Sir ? how fadsfy ? Fred. Speak foftly, gentle lady, all's rewarded. Now does he melt like marmalade. John. Nay, 'tis certam, Thou art the fweeteft woman that eyes e'er look'd en I J hope thou art not honeft. Fred. None difturb'd you ? i Con. Not any, Sir, nor any found came near me j I thank your care. Fred. 'Tis well. John. I would fain pray now, But that the devil, and that temptation What are we made to fuffer ! Fred. Pull in your head and be hang'd. John. Hark'ee, Fred'rick, I have brought you home your pack-faddle. Fred. THE CHANCES. 25 Fred. Fie upon you. (Afide to Don John. i Con. Nay, let him enter : fie, my lord the duke, Stand peeping at your friends. Fred. You are cozen'd, lady, Here is no duke. i Con. I know him full well, Signior. "John Hold thee there, wench. Fred. This mad-brain'd fool will fpoil all. i Con. I do befeech your grace come in* 'Join. My grace ! There was a word of comfort. Fred. Shall he enter, Whoe'er he be ? John. Well followed, Frederick. i Con. With all my heart. Enter Don John. Fred. Come in then. John. Blefs you, lady. (Conftantiajtarts. Fred. Nay, ttart not , tho' he be a ftranger to you, He's of a noble drain, my kinfman, lady, My countryman and fellow-traveller : He's truly honeft. John. That's a lye. Fred. And trufty, Beyond your wifhes : valiant to defend, And modeft to converfe with as your blumes. John. Modeft to converfe with ! here's a fellow : Now may I hang myfelf ; this commendation Has broke the neck of all my hopes ; for now Muft I cry, noforfootb, and ay fcrfootb, zndfurefy, And truly as I live,, and as I am honeft. He's done thefe things on purpofe -, for he knows, Like a moft envious rafcal as he is, I am not honeft this way O the traitor ! H'has watch'd his time I mall be quit with him. i Con. Sir, I credit you. Fred. Go ialute her, John. E Jdn 26 THE CHANCES. Join. Plague o' your commendations. i Con. Sir, I Ihall now defire to be a trouble. John. Never to me, fweet lady j thus I feal My faith, and all my iervices. (ktffes her hand. i Con. One word, Signior. John. What a hand the rogue has ! foftcr than down, Ana whiter than the lily and then her eyes ! What points me at ? my leg, I warrant ; or My well-knit body : fit faft, Don Frederick. Fred. 'Twas given him by that gentleman You took fuch care of, his own being left i' th' fcuffie.. i Con. With much joy may he wear it : 'tis a right I can affure you, gentlemen , and right happy (one,. May he be in all rights for that noble fervice. Fred. Why do you blufh ? i Ctn. It had almoft cozen'd me : For not to lye, when I fay that, I look'd for Another owner of it : but 'tis well. Fred. Who's there? (Knocking. Pray you retire, madam , come in, Sir. [Ex. Con. Enter Anthony. Now what's the news with you ? Ant. There is a gentleman without Would fpcak with Don John ! Fred. (Speaking to Don John, who is peeping afts? ConftatTtia.) Don John. John. (Still peeping.) What's the matter ? Fred. Leave peeping, Jehn, you are wanted. John. Who is it ? Ant. I do not know, Sir, but he mews a man Of no rr-an reckoning. John. Let him ihe w his name, And you return a little wifer. [Exit Ant. Fred. How ('> you like her, John? John. As v.-ell as von, Frederick^ For all I am honed ; you mall find it too. Fred. Art tiiou not hoaeft f John, THE CHANCES. 27 John. Art thou an afs, And mode/1 as her blujhes ? What a blockhead Would e'er have pop'd out fuch a dry apology For his dear friend ? and to a gentlewoman, A woman of her youth and delicacy ? They arc arguments to draw them to abhor us. An honeft moral man ! 'tis for a conftable , A handfome man, a wholfome man, a tough man, A liberal man, a likely man, a man Made up like Herculus, flout, ftrong, and valiant Thefe had been things ro hea ; n tc, things catching \ But you have luch aip'cea conlideration, Such qualms upon your woifnvp's conscience, (you, Such chilblains in your blood, that all things pinch Which nature and the liberal world makes cuftom ; And nothing but uir honor! dearhonor! fweet honor !-- O damn your water-gruel honor ! Fred. I am lorry, John. John. And fo am I, Frederick ; but what of that ? Fie upon thee, a man of thy difcretion ! That I was trufty and valiant, were things well put in ; But modeft ! a modeft gentleman ! wit ! wit ! where wa'ft thou ? Fred. It mail be mended , And henceforth you mail have your due. Enter Anthony. John. I look for't ; how now, who is't ? Ant. A gentleman of this city, And calls himielf Petnichio. John. Petruchio ! i'll attend him. Enter \fl Conftantia. i Con. How did he call himfclf ? Fred. Petruchio ; Does it concern you ought ? j Con. O gentlemen, The hour of my deftruclion is come on me, 1 am difcover'd, loft, left to my ruin : As ever you had pity E 2 a* THE CHANCES. Join. Do not fear ; Let the great devil come, he fhall come thro' me firfl : Loft here, and we about you \ i Con. To you, and your humanity, a haplefs Helplefs creature, begs for fafety O grant Me your protection to your honors, Sirs, I fly as to the altar for a refuge : If ever innocence, undone by paflion. And facrific'd by pride, could warm your breads In my behalf, now hear behold the ruin, And that lacrifice , be your noblcnefs My fancVary, and fhield a woe-fjck heart From all its terrors and afflictions. (Kneeling. John. Pray rife. Fred. Fall before us ? i Con. O my unfortunate eflate, all angers Compar'd to his, to his Fred. Let his and all men's, (fake. Whiift we have power and life j Hand up for heav'n's John. And for my lake, be comforted. i Con. I have offended heav'n too ; yet heav'n knows, John. Ay, heav'n knows that we are all evil : Yet heav'n forbid we fhou'd have our deferts. What is he ? i Con. Too, too near to my offence, Sir : O he will cut me piece-meal ! Fred. 'Tis no treafon ? J~ohn. Let it be what it will : if he cut here, I'll find him cut-work. Fred. He mult buy you dear, With more than common lives. John. Fear not, nor weep not : By heav'n I'll fire the town before you perifh, And then the more the merrier ; we'll jog with ycu. Fred. Come in, and dry your eyes. John. Pray no more weeping : Spoil a fweet face for nothing ! my return Shall end all this, I warrant you. i Con. Heaven gran lit ! ' [Exeunt. SCENE; T H E C II A N C E S. 29 SCENE III. Enter Petruchio, "jcitl a letter. Petr. This man Ihould be of quality and worth By Don Alvaro's letter, for he gives No flight recommendation of him : I'll e'en make ufe of him. Enter Don John. Jebn. Save you, Sir ! I am lorry My buiintis v. as fu unmannerly, to make you \Vait thus Icng here. Petr. Occalions muft be ferv'd, Sir : But is ycur name Don John ? John. It is, Sir. Petr. Then, Firft for your own brave fake I muft embrace you ^ Next, for the credit of your noble friend, Hernanda de Aharo, make you mine : Who lays his charge upon me in this letter, To look you out, and for the virtue in you, Whilst your occafions make you refident In this place, to fupply you, love and honour you 5 Which had I known fooner - Join. Noble Sir, You'll make my thanks too poor : I wear a fword, Sir, And have a fervice to be ftill difpos'd of, As you mall pleafe command it. Petr. That manly courtefy is half my bufmefs, Sir; And to be fliort, to make you know I honour you, And in all points believe your worth-like oracle ; This day Petruchio, One that may command the ftrength of this place, Hazard the boldeft Ipirits, hath made choice Only of you, and in a noble office. Jobn. Forward, I am free to entertain it. Petr. Thus then, I do beftech you mark me. Jobn. I mall, Sir. Petr. 3 o THE CHANCES. Petr. Ferrara's duke, would I might call him \vor- But that h* has raz'd out from his family, ( tn y> As he has mine with infamy ; this man, Rather this powerful moniter, we being left But two of all our houfe to ftock our memories, My filter Conftantia and myfelf ; with arts and witch- Vows and fuch oaths heav'n has no mercy for, (crafts, Drew to difhonour this weak maid by Health, And fecret pafTages I knew not of. Oft he obtain'd his wimes, oft abus'd her, I am amam'd to fay the reft : This purchas'd, And his hot blood allay'd, he left her, And all our name to ruin. John. This was foul play, And ought to be rewarded fo. Petr. I hope fo, He 'fcap'd me yefter-night which if he dare Again adventure for, I will pardon him. John. Sir, what commands have you to lay on me ? Petr. Only thus ; by word of mouth to carry him A challenge from me,thatfo(if he havehonourin him) We may decide all difference betwixt us. John. Fair and noble, And I will do it home : When mall I vifit you ? Petr. Pleafe you this afternoon, I will ride with you, For at the caftle, fix miles hence, we are fure To find him. John. Pll be ready. Petr. My man mall wait here, And conduct you to my houfe. John. I fhail not fail you. [Exit Petruchio. Enter Frederick. Fred. How now ? John. All's well, and better than thou could'ft ex- pect, for this wench is certainly no veftal but who do you think that me is ? guefs an thou canft. Fred. I cannot. John, THE CHANCES. 31 John. Be it known then to all men, by thefe pre- fents, this is fhe, (he, and only fhe, our curious cox- combs have been fo long hunting after. (John. Fred. V\ r \\Q,Conftantia? thoutalk'ft of cocks and bulls, John. I talk of wenches, Frederick ! this is the pullet we two have been crowing after. Fred. It cannot be. Jckn. It can be, it mall be, and rruft be filler to DcnPetrucbio her n&mtConft*ntia I know all, man. Fred. Now I believe John. I both believe and hope it. Fred. Why do you hope it ? John. Firft, becaule fhe is handfome ; and next, be- caufe fhe is kind there are two reafons for you : now do you find out a third, a better if you can : for take this, Frederick, for a certain rule, fince fhe has oner began (he'll never give it over ; ergo, if we have good luck, in time fhe may fall to our (hare. Fred. I can't believe her dilhoneftfor all this : She has not one loofe thought about her. John. No matter for that, Ihs's no faint There has been fine work, dainty doings, Frederick ! Fred. How can you talk fo ? John. Becaufc I think fo ; now you think fo, and talk otherwife ; therefore I am the honefter, though you may be the modsfttr man. Fred. Well, well, there may have been a flip. John. Ay, and a tumble too, poor creature I fear the boy will prove her's I took up laft night. Fred. The devil ! John. Ay, ay, he has been at work Let us go in, and comfort her; that fhe is here, is nothing yet fuf- pected. Anon, I'll tell you why her brother came, (who by this light is a brave fallow) and what honour he has done me in calling me to ferve him. Fred. There be irons heating for Ibme, Don John. John. Then we muft take care not to burn our lingers, Frederick, [Exeunt* ACT 32 THE CHANCES. ACT III. SCENE I. A CHAMBER* Enter Landlady and Anthony. , Sir, who is it that keeps your mafter 1 A*t. I fay to you, Don John, (company ? Land. I fay what woman ? Ant. I fay fo too. Land. I fay again, I will know. Ant. I fay, 'tis fit you ihould. Land. And I tell thee, he has a woman here. Ant. I tell thee 'tis then the better for him. Land. Was ever gentlewoman So frumpt up with a fool ? Well, fancy Sirrah, I will know who it is, and to what purpofe ? I pay the rent, and I will know how my houfe Comes by thefe inflammations : If this geer hold, Beft hang a fign poft-up, to tell the rakes, Here you may have whenches at livery. Ant. 'Twould be a great eafe to your age. Enter Frederick. Fred. How now ? Why what's the matter, landlady ? Land. What's the matter ! You ufe me decently among you, gentlemen. Fred. Who has abus'd her j you, Sir ? Land. Od's my witnefs, I will not be thus treated, that I will not. Ant. I gave her no ill language. Land. Thou lieft, Sirrah - Thou took'ft me up at every word I fpoke, As I had been a maukin, a flirt gillian : And thou think'il, becaufe thou canit write and read, Our nofes mult be under thee. Fred. Dare you, Sirrah ? Ant. Let but the truth be known, Sir, I bcfeech you ; She raves of wenches, and I know not what, Sir. Land. Go to,thouknow'ft too wcH,thou wicked valet, Thou inftrument of evil. Ant. THE CHANCES. 33 Ant. As I live, Sir, fhe's ever thus till dinner. Fred. Get you in, Sir, I'll anfwer you anon: [Ex. Ant, Now to your grief, what is't ? for I can guefs Land. You may , with fhame enough, Don Frederick, If there were fhame amongft you ; nothing thought on. But how you may abule my houfe : not latisfy'd With bringing home your bafurcis to undo me, But you mutt drill your wenches here too : my patience, Becaufe I bear, and bear, and carry all, And as they fay, am willing to groan under, Mud be your make-fport now. Fred. No more of thefe words, Nor no more murm'rings, woman ; for you know That I know fomething I did fufpect your anger, But turn it prefcntly and handfomly, And bear yourfelf difcreetly to this lady 5 For fuch a one there is indeed. Land. 'Tis well, Sir. Fred. Leave off your devil's mattins, and your me- Or we mail leave our lodgings : (lancholies,* Land. But mine honour ; And 'twere not for mine honour Fred. Come, your honour, Your houfe, and ycu too, if you dare believe me,- Are well enough : fleek up yourfelf, leave crying, For I 01 lift have you entertain this lady With all civility, me well deferves it, Together with all fervice : I dare truil you, For I have found you faithful. When you know her; You'll find your own fault i no more words, but do it, Land. You know you may cornmand me. Enter Don John. John. Worfhipful landlady, How docs thy fwanfldn petticoat ? by heav'n, Thou look'ft moft amiable ! now could I willingly ( And 'twere not for abufing thy Geneva print there) Venture my pcrlbn with thee. F Land. 34 THE CHANCES. Land. You'll leave this roguery, When you come to my years. Jebn. By this light, Thou art not above fifteen yet ! a nicer girl ! Thou haft not half thy teeth ! (Knocking. Fred Somebody knocks -, See who it is, and do not mind this fellow. Land. I beg, Sir, that you'll ule me with decorum. John. Ay, ay, I'll promife you with nothing elfe. And will you begone ', my love, my love (Singing. Exit Landlady. Was there ever fuch a piece of touchwood ? Fred. Prith*ee, John, let her alone, me has been Well vex'd already fhe'll grow ftark mad, man. John. I would fain fee her mad an old mad wo- Fred. Don't be a fool. (man John. Is like a miller's mare, troubled with the She makes the rareft faces. (tooth-ach - f Fred. Prith'ee be lober. Re-enter Landlady. John. What, again ! Nay, then it is decreed, tho' hills were fet on hills, And feas met leas to guard thee, I would through ! Land. Od's mv witncfs, if you ruffle me, 111 fpoil your fweet face for you. John. Oh raptures ! raptures ! (Kijfing her.~] (She runs after him.) What, will you hurt your own fon ? (She looks kind upon him. ) Land. Well, well, go, go to the door, there's a gentleman there would Ipeak with you. John. Upon my life, Petruchio , good, dear land- lady, carry him into the dining-room, and I'll wait upon him prelently. Land. Weil, Don John, the time will come that I fhall be even with you. \Exit Land. John. THE CHANCES. 35 John. I muft begone about this bufinefs Won't you go too, Frederick ? Fred. I am not requefted you know befides the Lady will want advice and coniblation. John. Yes ; and I know too, with all your modefty, That you will be ready to give it her. Fred. For fhame, John, how can you ramble fo ? You know you may truft me. John. I had rather truft a cat with fweet milk, Frederick. Fred. I'll but fpeak to her, and follow you. John. Indeed? Fred. Indeed. . John. Upon your honour ? Fred. Upon my honour. John. And your modefty ? Fred. Phoo ! phoo ! don't be a fool. John. Well, well, I mail truft you now I'm eafy. Exit Don John. Enter i Conftantia. i Con. What, no way to divert this certain danger ? Fred. Impoffible ! their honours are engag'd. i Con. Then there muft be murder, and I the caufe ! Which, gen'rous Sir, I mall no fooner hear of, Than make one in't : you may, if you pleuie, Sir, Make all go lefs. Do, Sir, for heaven's fake, Let me requeft one favour. Fred. It is granted. i Lcn. Your friend, Sir, is I find, too refolute, Too hot and fiery for the caufe : as ever You did a virtuous deed, for honour's fake, Go with him, and allay him *. your fair temper, And noble difpofition, like wifh'd mowers, May quench thefe eating fires, that would fpoil all elle : I fee in him deft ruction ! Fred. I'll do't And 'tis a wife confederation : I'll after him, lady-^What my beft labour, With 36 THE CHANCES. With all the art I have can work upon 'em, Be fure of, and expect fair end ; the old gentlewoman Shall wait upon you , me is difcreet and fecret, And you may trufl her in all points. i Con. You're noble. Fred. And Ib I take my leave. J hope, lady, a happy iffue for all this. i Con. All heaven's eare upon you, and my prayers ! [Exeunt Jeveralty. SCENE II. Enter a Surgeon, and a Gentleman. Gent. What fymptoms do you find in him ? Sur. None, Sir, dangerous, if he'd be rul'd. Gent. Why, what does he do ? Snr. Nothing that he fhou'd. Firft he will let no liquor down but wine, and then he has a fancy that he muft be drefs'd always to the tune of John Dory. Gen. How, to the tune of John Dory ? Stir. Why, he will have fiddlers, and make them play and fmg it to him all the while. Gent. An odd fancy indeed. Enter Antonio. Ant. Give me fome wine. Sur. I told you Ib 'Tis death, Sir. Ant. 'Tis a horfe, Sir : Doft thou think I mall re- cover with the help of barley-water only ? Gent. Fie, Antonio , you muft be govern'd. Ant. Why, Sir, he feeds me with nothing bwt rot- ten roots and drown'd chickens, ilew'd pericranhuns and pa-maters -, and when I go to bed (by heav'n 'tis true, Sir) he rolls me up in lints, with labels at 'em, that I amjuft the man i' th' almanack, my head and face is in Aries' place. Sur. Will't pleafe you, to let your friends fee you ppen'd ? Ant. Will't pleafe you, Sir, to give me a brimmer ? I fed THE CHANCES. 37 I feel my body open enough for that. Give it me, or I'll die upon thy hand, and Ipoil thy cuftom. Sur. How, a brimmer ? Ant. Why, look you, Sir, thus I am us'd dill , I can get nothing that I want. In how long a time canft thou cure me ? Sur. In forty days. Ant. I'll have ados; mail lick me whole in twenty : In how long a time canit thou kill me ? Sur. Presently. Ant. Do't j that's the fhorter, and there's more delight in't. Gent. You muft have patience. Ant. Man, I muft have bufmefs ; this foolifh fellow hinders himfelf : I have a dozen rafcal to hurt within thefe five days. Good man-mender, ftop me up with parfley likeitufF'd beef, and let me walk a broad : and let me be dreft to that warlike tune, John Dory. Sur. You mail walk fhortly. Ant. I will walk prefently, Sir, and leave your fal- lads there, your green falves, and your oils ; I'll to my old diet again, ftrong food, and rich wine, and fee what that will do. Sur. Well, go thy ways, thou art the maddeft old fellow I e'er met with [Exeunt. SCENE III. Enter i Conftantia and Landlady. i Ccn. I have told all I can, and more than yet Thofc gentlemen know of me, ever trufting Your concealment-- but are they fuchftrange creatures ? Land. There is the younger, ay, and the wilder, Don John, the arrant'ft Jack in all this city: Has been a dragon in his days ! the truth is, Whofe chaftity he chops upon, he cares not, He flies at all ; baftards, upon my confcience, }rle has now a hundred of 'cm : The Lift night He 3$ THE CHANCES. He brought home one ; I pity her that bore it, But we are all weak vefTcls. Some rich woman (For wife I dare not call her) was the mother, For it was hung with jewels -, the bearing cloth No lefs than crimfon velvet. i Ccn. How ? Lend. 'Tis true, lady. i Con. Was it a boy too ? Land. A brave boy ! i Con. May I fee it ? For then: is a neighbour of mine, a gentlewoman, Has had a late mifchance, which willingly I would know further of: now if you pleafe To be fo courteous to me. Land, You fliall fee it : What do you think of thefe men, now you know 'em ? Be wife, or you'll repent too late ; I tell you But for your own good, and as you will find it. i Con. I am advis'd. Land. No more words then , do that, And inftantly, I told you of : be ready : Don John* I'll fit you for your frumps. (ajide. i Ccn. I will, dame : But mail I fee this child ? Land. Within this half hour : J^et's in, and then think better. [Exeunt, SCENE IV. Enter Petrachio, Don John, and Frederick. John. Sir, he is worth your knowledge, and a gentle- (It I, that fo much love him, may commend him) [man That's full of honour -, and one, if foul play Should fall on us, will not fly back fu>r iilips. Pdr. You much honour me, And once more J .pronounce you both mine. Fred. Stay ; What troop is that below i' th' valley there ? Job*. THE CHANCES. 59 John. Hawking, I take it. Petr. They are fo ; 'tis the Duke, 'tis even he, gentle- Sirrah, draw back the horfes till we call you : (men j I know him by his company. Fred. I think too He bends up this way. Petr. So he does. John. Stand you ft ill, Within that covert till I call : you, Frederick, By no means be not feen, unlefs they offer To bring on odds upon us : He comes forward ; Here will I wait him fairly : To your places. Petr. I need no more inftrudt you. John. Fear me not. [Petr. and Fred, retire. Enter Duke, and his Party. Duke. Feed the hawks up, We'll fly no more to day ; O my bleft fortune ; Have I fo fairly met the man ! John. You have, Sir, And him you know by this. (Shewing his bat. Duke. Sir, all the honour, Arid love John. I do befeech your grace flay there. Difmils your train a little. Duke. Walk afide, And out of hearing, I command you : now, Sir, Be plain. John. I will, and fhort ; You have wrong'd a gentleman, beyond all juftice, Beyond the mediation of all friends. Duke. The man, and manner of wrong ? John. Petruchio is the man; The wrong is, you have difnonour'd his fifter. Duke. Now ftay you, Sir, And hear me a little : This gentleman's Sifter that you have nam'd, 'tis true I have long lov'd ; As true I have polTcfs'd her : no lei's truth, I have 40 THE CHANCES. I have a child by her. But that fhe, or he, Or any of that family are tainted, Suffer dilgracc, or ruin, by my pleafures, I wear a Iword to ilicisfy the world, no, And him in this culb when he pleaics -, for know, Sir, She is my wife, contracted before heaven ; (A witnefs I owe more tie to than her brother) Nor will I fly from that name, which long fmce Had had the church's feal, and approbation, But for his jealous nature. John. Sir, your pardon ; And all that V.MS my anger, now my fervice. Duke. Fair Sir, I knew I mould convert you ; had we But that rough man hear now too - John. And you fhall, Sir. "What hoa ! hoa ! Duke. I hope you have laid no ambulh. Enter Pctruchio. John. Only friends. Duke. My noble brother, welcome -, Come pxit your anger off, we'll have no righting, Unlefs you will maintain I am unworthy To bear that name. Petr. Do you fpeak this heartily ? Duke. Upon my foul, and truly : the firft pried Shall put you out of thefe doubts. Pzir. Now I love you, And befeech you pardon my fufpicions , You are now more than a bother, a brave friend too. John. The good man's overjoy'd. What ho ! IVlr. Madefy^ you may come forth now Enter Frederick. bred. Flow goes it ? John. Why the man has his mare again, and all's The duke profefTes freely he's her hufband. (well. Fred. 'Tis a good hearing. John. Yes, for modeft gendemen ; 1 muft prefent you may it pleafe your grace Tor THE CHANCES. 41 To number this brave gentleman, my friend, And noble kinfnian, among thofe your fcrvants : He is truly valiant, and modeft to convene with. Duke. O my brave friend j you mower your boun- ties on me. Amongfl my bed thoughts, Signior, in which number You being worthi:y dilpos'd already, May freely place your friend. Fred. Your grace honours me. Pcir. Why this is wonu'rous happy : But now, bro- No\v comes the bitter to our fweet: Conftantia! (ther, Duke. Why, what of her ? Petr. Nor what, nor where do I know: Wing'd with her fears, laft night beyond my know- She quit iny houfe, but whither (ledge, Fred. Let not that Duke. No more, good Sir, I have heard too much. Petr. Nay fink not. She cannot be fo loft. Join. Nor mall not, gentlemen ; Be free again, the lady'b found : that fmile, Sir, Shows you ditlruft your fervant. Duke. I do befcech you. John. You fhall believe me, by my foul, fhe'sfafe. Duke. I leaven knows I would believe, Sir, Fred. You may fafvly. John. And under noble ufage: this modeft gen tlc- Speak Frederick. (man Fred. I met her in all her doubts laft night, and to my guard (Her fears being itrong upon her) me gave her perfon ; I waited on her to our lodging; where all refpect, Civil and rjoncft fervice, now attend her. Petr.. You may believe now. Duke. Yes I do, and itrongly : Well, my good trends, or rather my good angels, For you have both preferv'd me ; when theie virtues Pie in your friend's remembrance G John. 42 THE CHANCES. John. Go jd, your grace, Lofe no more time in compliments, 'tis too precious ; I know it by myielf, there can be no hell To his that hangs upon his hopes. Petr. He has hit it. Fred. To horle aga ; n then, for this night I'll crown With all the joys you wifh tor. (y ou Petr. Happy gentlemen ! [Exeunt. Enter Franciico and a Man. Fran. This is the maddeft mifchief ! never fool was fo fobb'd off as I am, m;:de ridiculous, and to my- fclr", mine own afs , truft a woman ! I'll truft the de- vil firft, for he dares be better than his word fome- times : Pray tell me in. what obicrvance have I ever fail'd her? Man. Nay, you can tell that beft yourfelf. Fran. Let us cor.fiuer. Enter Frederick and Don John. Fred. Let them talk, we'll go on before. Fran. Where didft thou meet Ccr.fianlia, and this woman ? Fred. Confiantia ! What are thefe fellows ? Stay by all means. (Theyliften. Man. Whs, Sir, I met her in the great ftreet that coir.es from the market-place, juit at a turning by a goldfmith's mop. Fred. Stand itill, John. Fran. Well Confiantia has fpun herfelf a fine thread now : What will her beft friend think of this ? Fred. John, I fmell fome juggling, John. John. Yes, Frederick, I fear it will be prov'd fo. Fran. But wh.-.t mould the reafon be, doft think, of this fo fudden change in her ? Fred. 'Tisfhe. Alan. Why truly, I fufpect flie has been enticed to it by a ftranger. John. Did you mark that, 'Fran, Stranger !. who ? THE CHANCES. 43 Man. A wild gentleman that's newly come to town. Fred. Mark that too. John. Yes, Sir. bran. Why do you think fo? Man. I heard her grave conduclrefs twattle fome- thing as they went along, that makes me gueis it. John. 'Tis me, Frederick. Fred. But who that he is, John"? Fran. I do not doubt to bolt 'em out, for they muft certainly be about the town. Ha! no more words. Come, let's be gone. (Franciico and Man feeing Don Fred. Well. John and Fred, they retire. John. Very well. Fred. Dilc reedy. John. Finely carried; Fred. You have no more of thefe tricks ? John. Ten to one, Sir, 1 (hall meet with them, if you have. Fred. Is this fair ? John. Was it in you a friend's pairt to deal double? I am no afs, Don Frederick. Fred. And Don John y It fhall appear I am no fool : difgrace me To make yourfelf thus every ,, oman's courtefy ? *Tis boyilh, 't;s bafe. John. ' 1 is falfe; I privy to this dog- trick ! Clear yourfelf, for I know where the wind fits, Or as I have a life [Trampling within. Fred. No more, they are coming , ihew no difcon- tent, let's quietly away : If fhe be at home our jeal- oufies are over ; if not, you and I muft have a farther parley, John. John. Yes, Don Frederick^ you may be fure we fhall ; but where are thefe fallows ? Plague on 'em, we have loft them too in our fpleens, like fools. Enter Duke and Petruchio. Duke. Come, gentlemen, let's go a little fafter : Suppole you have all miftrefies, and mend Your pace accordingly. G 2 John 44 THE CHANCES. John. Sir, I mould be as glad of a miilrefs as ano- ther man. Fred. Yes, o'my confcience wouldft thou, and of any other man's miilrefs too, that I'll anfwer for. {Exeunt SCENE V. Enter Antonio and his Man. Ant. With all my gold? Man. The trunk broken open and all gone ! Ant. And the mother in the plot ? Man. And the mother and all. Ant. And the devil and all, and all his imps go with 'em. Belike they thought I was no more of this world, and thole trifles would but difturb my confcience. Man. Sure they thought, Sir, you would not live to difturb 'em. Ant. Well, my fweet miilrefs, I'll try how hand- fomely your ladyfhip can caper in the air! there's your mafter-pisce. N > imaginations where they mould be? Man. None, Sir; yet we have fear ch'd all places we fufpefled \ I believe they have taken towards the port. Ant. Give me then a water-conjurer, one that can raife water-devils ; I'll port 'em : play at duck-and- drake with my money ! Get me a conjurer I fay, en- quire out a man that lets out devils. Man. I do'nt know where. Ant. In every ftreet, Tom Fool; any blear-ey'd people with red heads and flat nofes can perform it. Th;.'U malt know them by their half-gowns, and no breeches. Find me out a conjurer, I fay, and learn his price, how he will let his devils out by the day. I'll have 'em again if they be above ground. \Exeunt* SCENE VI. Enter Duke, Petruchio, Frederick, and John. Petr. Your grace is welcome now to Naples ; fo you are all, gentlemen. THE CHANCES. 45 John. Don Frederick, will you flep in and give the lady notice who comes to vifit her ? Petr. Bid her make hafte; we come to fee no ftranger a night-gown will ferve turn : Here's one th.it knows her nearer. Fred. I'll tell her what you fay, Sir. [Exit. Pctr. Now will the fport be, to obferve her altera- tions, how betsvixt fear and joy flit will behave her- felf. Duke. Dear brother, I mud entreat you Petr. I conceive your mind, Sir 1 will not chide her, but like a fummer's evening againft heat Enter Frederick and Peter. Jchn. How now ? Fred. Not to abufe your patience longer, nor hold you off with tedious circumftances ; for you muft know Jcbn What I knew before. Petr. What? Duke. Where is me ? Fred. Gone, Sir. Duke. How! Pctr. What did you fay, Sir? Fred. Gone; by heaven remov'd. The woman of tire houfe too. Petr. What, that reverend old woman that tired me with compliments ? I red. The very fame. John. Well, Don Frederick. Fred. Don John, it is not well : But John. But what ? Petr. Gone ! Fred. . This fellow can fatisfy I lye not. Pet. A little after rny mafter was departed, Sir, with this gentlemen, my fellow and myfelf being fent on bufmels, as we muft think on purpoie Jcb::. Yes, yes, on purpofe. Petr. 46 THE CHANCES. Petr. Hang thefe circumftances, they always ferve toufher in ill ends. John. Gone ! Now could I eat that rogue, I am fo angry. Gone ! Peir. Gont-! Fred. Directly gone, fkd, fliifted : what would you have me lay ? Duke. Well, gentlemen, wrong not my good opi- nion. Fred. For your dukedom, Sir, I would not be a knave. John. He that is, a rot run in his blood. Petr. But, hark'ee, gentlemen, are you fure you had her here ? Did you not dream this ? . John. Have you your nofe, Sir ? Petr. Yes, Sir John. Then we had her. Petr. Since you are fo ihort, believe your having her mall fuffer more conftruction. John. Well, Sir, let it lufter, (Turns off pee-vifhly . Fred. How to convince you, Sir, I can't imagine j but my life mail juftify my innocence, or fall with it. Duke. Thus, then for we may be all abus'd. Petr. 'Tis poflible. Duke, Here let's part until to-morrow this time; we to our way to clear this doubt, and you to yours : pawning our honours then to meet again , when if fhe be not found Fred. We ftand engag'd to anfwer any worthy way we are call'd to. Duke. We afk no more. Petro. To-morrow, certain. John. If we out-live this night, Sir. [Exeunt Duke and Petruchio, Fred. Very well, Don John ! John. Very ill, Don Frederick ! Fred. We have fomewhat now to do. "John. With all my heart, I love to be doing. Fred. THE CHANCES. 47 Fred. If me be not found we muft fi^ht. 7^. I am glad on't, I have not fought a great while. Fred. I am glad you are fo merry, Sir. John. I am lorry you are fo dull, Sir. Fred. I hate tnrLn^ when my honour's at (lake. John. If you will {take your honour upoa trifling things you muft ; for my parr, I'll not look like a murderer in tapeftry as you do thus : for all the honour in Criitcndom. Fred. Here lee us part , and if the lady be Not forth-coming, ? Tis this, Don J^bn, mall damn your levity ! ( Clt'.p-ping Us bc.nd upcn bis fwcrd. John. Or this fnali tickle up your mociefty ![ ACTIV. SCENE I. A TAVERN. Enter 2 Conftantia, and ber Mother. T TOLD, Cons, hold, for goodnefs, hold ; I Jfj. urn in that deicrtion ol fpirit for want of breath, tuat I am almoft reduced to the neceflity of no: being able to defend in ; f h ugainft the inconveni- ence of a fall. 2 Ccn. Drar mother, let us go a little fafter to fs cure ourfelves from Antonio : for n^y part I am in that terrible iright, that I can neither think, fpeak, nor fUnd ftill, 'nil we are Lie a fh:p- board, and out of fi_ht of the more. Moth. Out of light of the fliorc ! why do you think Til depatriate ? 2 Con. dtyatriate ? what's that? Moth, Why, you fool you, leave my country: what will you never bsrn to fpeak out of the vulgar road ? 2 Con. O 1 -ord ! this hard word will undo us. JWctb* As I am a chnftkin, if it were to fave my ho- nour 48 THE CHANCES. nour (which is ten thoufand times dearer to me than life.) I would not be guilty of fo odious a thought. 2 Con. Pray, mother, iince your honour is .u dear to you, conlider that if we are taken, botli in and \ve are loft for ever. Moth. Ay, girl ; bur what will the world fay, if they fhould hear fo odious a thing of us, as that we fliould depati iatt ? 2 Con. Ay there's it; the world ! why mother, the world does not care a pin if both you and I were hang'd ; and that we mail be certainly, if Antonio takes us, for you have run away with his gold. Moth. Did he not tell you that he kept it in [his trunk for us , ? and had not I a right to take it when- ever I pleas'd : you have loft your reafoning faculty, Cons. 2 Con. Yes, mother, but you was to have it upon a certain condition, which condition I would foon-r ftarve than agree to. I can't help my poverty, but I can keep my honour, and the richeft old fellow in the kingdom {han't buy it : I'd fooner give it away than fell it, that's my fpirit, mother. Moth. But what will become of me, Cons? I have fo indelible an idea of my dignity, that I muft have the means to fupport it; thole I have got, and 1 will ne'er depart from the demarches of a perfon of qua- . lity; and let come what will, I mail rather chulc to fubinit myfelf to my fate, than ftrive to prevent it by any deportment that is not congruous in every degree to the ilcps and meafures of a ftridt pra<5ticiwncj of honour. 2 Con. Would not this make one ftark mad ? your ftile is no n:ore cut of the wy than your manner of manning ; yoii firft fell me to an ugly oU fcllo.v, then vo# run away with me, and all his gold-, and now, "like a iU'ici practitioner of honour, ici^lve 10 be taken, rather than dcp&triate y as you call it. Moth. As I am a chriftian, Con^ a tavern, and a very THE CHANCES. 49 very decent fign-, I'll in, I am refolv'd, though by it I mould run a rifque of never fo ftupendous a nature ! 2 Con. There's no Hopping her : what mall I do ? (afide. Moth. I'll fend for my kinfwoman and fdme mulic, to revive me a little, for really, Cons, I am reduced to that fad irnbecillity, by the injury I have done my poor feet, that I am in a great incertitude, whether they will have livelinefs fufficient to fupport me up to the top of the ilairs, or no. [Exit Mother. 2 Con. I have a great mind to leave this fantaftical mother-in-law of mine, with her ftolen goods, take to my heels and feek my fortune , but to whom mail I apply ? Generofity and humanity are not to be met with at every corner of the ftreet. If any young fel- low would buttake a liking to me, and, make an honeft woman of me, I would make him the befb wife in the world : but what a fool am I to talk thus ? Young men think of young women nowa-days, as they do of their cloaths : it is genteel to have them, to be vain of 'em, to mew 'em to every body, and to change 'em often when their novelty and fafhion is over, they are turn'd out of doors to be purchas'd and worn by the firfl buyer. A wife, indeed, is not fo eafily got rid of; it is a fuit of mourning that lies neglected at the bottom of the cheft, and only mews itfelf now and then upon melancholy occafions. What a terrible proipe6t ! however, I do here fwear and vow to live for ever chafte, 'till I find a young fellow who will take me for better and for worle. Law ! what a defperate oath have I taken ! Mother, (looking out at the window) Come up Cons, the fiddles are here \_Mothergoes from the window. 2 Con. I come. T muft be gone, tho' whither I cannot tell ; thefe fid- 'dles, and her dilcreet companions, will quickly make. H an 5 o THE CHANCES. an end of all fhe has flolen ; and then for five hun- dred new pieces fells me to another old fellow, whom 1 will ferve in the very fame manner. She has taken care not to leave me a farthing, yet I am fo, better than under her conduct, 'twill be at worft but begging tor my life: and Starving were to me an eafier fate, Than to be forc'd to live with one I hate. [Goes t(p to I:cr Mctker. SCENE II. Enter Don John. Jcln. It will not out of my head, but that Don trcdtrick has fent away this wench, for all he carries it fo gravely : Yet, methinks, he mould be honefter than fo ; but thefe grave men are never touch'd upon fuch occafions ; mark it when you will, and you'll find a grave man, efpecially if he pretend to be a a precile man, will do you forty things without re- morfe, that would ftartle one of us mad fellows but to think of. \-Mufic abcve.~\ What's here, mufic and women ? the befl mixture in the world ! would I were among 'em (Mi'fic c.gc.in, and a woman r.ppears in tie balcony) that's a right one, I know it by her fmile O'my confciencc, take a woman mafk'd and hooded, nay cover'd all o'er, fo that you can't fee one bit of her, and at twelve fcore diftance, if ihe be a le- veret, as ten to one fhe is, if I don't hit her, fay 1 am no inarkfman. I have an eye that never fails me ah ! rogue! fne's right too, I'm fure on't; here's a brave parcel of 'em ! (Mujtc ftill and dancing. Mcth. Come, come, let's dance in t'other room, 'tis a great deal better. Jcbn. Say you lo ? what, now, if I mould go up and dance too ? it is a tavern. Rot this bufmels. Why jfhould a man be hunting upon a could fcent, vhen there is fo much better fport near at hand ? I'll in. THE CHANCES. 51 in, I am refolved, and try my own fortune -, 'tis hard luck if I dont get one of 'em ! [As he goes to the door. Enter 2 Conftantia. See here's one bolted already -, fair lady, whither fo faft? 2 Con. I don't know, Sir. John. May I have the honour to wait upon you ? 2 Con. Yes, if you pleafe, Sir. John. Whither ? 2 Con. I tell you I don't know. John. She's very quick. Would I might be fo happy as to know you, lady. 2 Con. 1 dare not let you fee my face, Sir. John. Why? 2 Con. For fear you mould not like it, and then leave me , for to tell you true, I have at this prefent very grei.t need of you. John. Haft thou ? Then I declare myfelf thy champion : and Ipt me tell you, there is not a better knight-errant in all chriitendom, than I am, to fuc- cour diftreft damfels. 2 Con. What a proper, handfome, fpirited fellow this is! if he'd love me now as he ought, I would never feek out further. Sir, I am young, and unex- perienced in the world. John. If thou art young, it's no great matter what thy face is. 2 Con. Perhaps this freedom in me may feem ftrange-, but, Sir, in ihort, I'm forc'd to fly from one I hate: Will you protect me? John. Yes, that I will, before I fee your face ; your fhape has charm'd me enough for that already. 2 Con. But if we mould meet him, will you here promife me, he mall not take me from you ? John. If any one takes you from me, he mall take my life too ; if I loie one, I won't keep t'other they mail go together. 2 Con. For heaven's fake then conduct me to fome H 2 place, 52 THE CHANCES. place, where I may be fecur'd awhile from the fight jbf anyone whatfoever. John. By all the hopes I have to find thy face as lovely as thy fhape, I will. . 2 Con. Well, Sir, I believe you, for you have an ho- neft look. Jchn. An honejt look! Zounds, I am afraid Don Frederick has been giving her a character of me too. Come, pray unmafk. 2 Con. Then turn away your face, for I'm refolv'd you mail not fee a bit of mine, 'till I have ice it in or- der, and then John. What then ? 2 Con. I'll ftrike you dead. John. A mettled wench, I warrant her ! If me be but young now, and have but a noie on her face, ftie'll be as good as her word Come, my dear, I'm e'en panting with impatience Are you ready? (As he turns Jlowly round, foe gets on the otherf.de] S'death, wjiere is me ? 2 Con. Here ! ftand your ground if you dare ! John. By this light, a rare creature ! ten thoufand times handfomer than her we feck for ! this can be fure no common one : pray heaven me be a kind one ! 2 Con. Well, Sir, what fay you now ? John. Nothing-, I'm fo amaz'd I am not able to Jpcak. Prith'ee, my fweet creature, don't let us be talking in the ftreet, but run home with me, that I may have a little private innocent converfation with \ou. 2 Con. No, Sir, no private dealing, I befeech you. John. S'heart, what mail I do? I'm out of my wits. Hark'ee, my dear foul, canfl thou love me ? 2 Con. If I could, what then ? John. Why then I mould be the happiefc man alive ' (Kijfing her hand. 2 Con. Nay, good Sir, hold remember the conditions. John. Conditions! what conditions? I would not wrong thse for theSimverfe ! /* * Then you'll por ff ^. THE CHANCES. 53 John. "What, what: I'll promife any thing, every fhins;, thou dear, fweet, bewitching, heavenly woman j 2 Con. Do make me an honeft woman ? l John. How the devil, my angel, can I do that, if you are undone to my hands ? 2 Con. Ay but I am not -I am a poor innocent lamb, juft efcaped from the jaws of an old fox. John. Art thou, my pretty lamb ? then I'll be thy Shepherd, and fold thee in thefe arms. (Kffes her band. 2 Con. Ay, but you siuft not eat the lamb yourfelf. John. I like you fo well, I will do any thing for thee. This girl lure was made on purpofe for me : fhe is juft of my humour my dear delightful incognitta ! I love you ib much, it is impofilble to fay how much I love thee! my hear,, my mind, and my foul, are tranfported to luch a degree, that- that that damn it, I can't talk fo let us run home, or the old fox, jny lamb, will overtake us. ,7 cut. SCENE III. Enter Frederick and Franc ifco. Fred. And art thou fure it was Conftantia,^ fay'ft thou, that he was lending ? Fran. Am I lure I live, Sir ? why, I dwelt in the houfe with her; how can I chufe but know her? Fred. But didft thou fee her face ? Fran. Lord, Sir, I faw her face as plain as I fee your's juft now, not two tercets off. Fred- Yes, 'tis even fo; I fufpected it at rirft, but then he foreiwore it with that confidence Well, Don John, if thefe be your practices, you fhall have no more a friend of me, Sir, I aflure you. Perhaps, tho' he met her by chance, and intends to carry her to her Brother, and the Duke. Fran. A little time will fhew Gad-fo, here he is I fred. I'll ftep behind this mop, and obfrrve him. Enter Don John and zConftantia. John. Here now go in-, and let me fee who will get you out again without my leave. 2 Cons. 54 THE CHANCES. 2 Ccn. Remember you have given your honour. John. And my love and when they go together, you may always truft 'em. Fred. Dear Don John. ( John puts Conftantia /', and leeks the door} John. Plague o'your kindnefs: how the devil comes he here j uft at this time ? Oh, how do you do, pre* a rick? Now will he afk me forty foolifh queftions, and I have fuch a mind to talk to this wench, that I cannot think of one excufe for my life. Fred. Your fervant, Sir: pray who's that you lock'd in juft now at the door ? John. Why, a friend of mine that's gone up to read a book. Fred. A book ! that's a quaint one, i'faith : prhh'ee, Don John^ what library has thou been buying this af- ternoon ? for i* th' morning, to my knowledge, thou had it never a book there, except it were an almanack, and that was none of thy own neither. John. No, no, it's a book of his own, he brought along with him : a fcholar that's given to reading. Fred. And do fcholars, Don John> wear petticoats now- a- days ? John. Plague on him, hehasfeenher Well, Don Frederick^ thou know'ftl am not good at lying-, 'tis a woman, I confcfs it, make your beft on't, what then ? Fred. Why then, Don John> I defire you'll bepleas'd to let me fee her. John. Why fairh, Frederick, I mould not be againft the thing, but you know that a man muft keep his word, and me has a mind to be private. Fred. But, John* you may remember when I met a lady fo before, this very felt-lame lady too, that I got leave for you to fee her, John. John. Why, do you think then that this here is Cor.jlantia ? Fred. I cannot properly fay I think it, John, becaufe I know it -, this fellow here faw her as you led her i' th' ftreets. Jokn THE CHANCES. 55 John. Well, and what then ? who does he fay it is ? Fred. Afk him, Sir, and he'll tell you. Job}!. Hark'ee, friend, doft thou know this lady? Fran. I think I mould, Sir-, I have liv'd long enoiurh in the hou'o \vith her to know her fure. John. And how do they call her, prith'ee ? Fran. Con/lamia ! j'c/'.i'f. How! Conftar.tia! Fran. Yes, Sir, the woman's name is Conftgntia, that's flat. Jcbn. Is it fo, Sir ? and fo is this too. (Strikes him. Fran. Oh, oh! (Runs out. John. Now, Sirrah, you may fafely fay you have not bore falfe witnefs for nothinrr. Fred. Fie, Don John! why do you beat the poor fellow for doing his duty, and telling truth ? John. Telling truth! thou talk'it as if thou hadft been hired to bear falfe witnefs too : You are a very line gentleman. Fred. What a ftnmge confidence he has ! but is there no fhame in thce ? nor no confideration of what is jull or honeft, to keep a woman thus againft her \vill, that thou know'lt is in love with another man too? doft think a judgment will not follow this ? John. Good dear Frederick, do keep thy fentences and thy fentimcnts, which are now out of fafhion, for forne better opportunity : this here is not a fit fubject for 5 em : I tell thee me is no more Conftantia than then art. Fred. Why won't you let me fee her then ? Jcbn. Becaufe 1 can't : befides, me is not for thy tafte. F> L\l. How fo ? John. Why, thy genius lies another way -, thou art all for flames and darts, and thole fine things ! now I am for pure, plain, fimple love, without any embroi- dery -, I am not fo carious, Frederick, as thou art. Fred. Very well, Sir ; but is there no fhame, but is this worthy in you to delude John 56 THE CHANCES. John, But is there no foame! but is this worthy ! what a many bids .:re here ? If I mould tell thee now fo- lemnly thou hail but one eye, and give thee reafons for it, wcuidir thou believe me ? Fred. I think hardly, Sir, againftmy own knowledge. John. Then why doll thou, with that grave face, go about to perfuade me againft mine? you mould do as you would be done by, Frederick. Fred. And fo I will, Sir, in this very particular, fmce there's no other remedy ; I mail do that for the duke and Pe'ri'.cbio, which I mould expecl: from them upon the like occafion : In fhort, to let you fee I am as feniible of my honour, as you can be careleis of your's -, I muft'tell you. Sir, that I'm refolv'd to wait upon this lady to them. John. Are you fc, Sir ? Why, I muft then, fweet Sir, tell you again, I am refolv'd you fha'n't. Ne'er (tare nor wonder ' I have promis'd to preferve her from the fight of any one whatsoever, and with the hazard of my life will make it good : But that you may not think I mean an injury to Petruchio^ or the duke, know, Don Frederick, that tho' I love a pretty girl perhaps a little better, I hate to do a thing that's bafe as much as you do. Once more upon my ho- nour, this is not Conftantia \ let that fatisfy you. Fred. All that will not do {Goes to the doer. John. No ! why then this mail, (draws) Come not one fj:ep nearer, for if thou doft, by heaven I'm thro' you. Fred. This is an infolence beyond the temper of a man to fuffer. Thus I throw off thy friendihip, and fmce thy folly has provok'd my patience beyond its natural bounds, know it is not in thy power now to fave thyielf. Jobn. That's to be try'd, Sir, tho', by your favour (Looks up to the balcony] Miftrefs what-d'ye-cali- 'em, prith'ee look out now a little, and fee how I'll fight for thee. Fred. Come, Sir, are you ready ? John. O lord, Sir, your fervanr. [Fight. S C E N E- THE CHANCES. 57 SCENE IV. Enter Duke and Petruchio. Petr. What's here, fighting? let's part 'em. How* Don Frederick again it Don John ? How came you to fall out, gentlemen : What's the cauie ? Fred. Why, Sir, it is your quarrel, and not mine, that drew this on me : I Jaw him lock Conft antic, up into that houfe, and I defir'd to wait upon her to you; that's the caufc. Duke. O, it may be he defign'd to lay the obliga- tion upon us himfelf Sir, we are beholden to you for this favour beyond all p<&bi\\tyof-t-[approacbing].QhfL John. Pray, your grace, keep back, and don't throw away your thanks before you know whether I have de- ferv'd 'em or no. O, is that your defign ? Sir, you mud not go in there. (Petruchio's going to the door. Petr. How, Sir, not go in ? John. No, Sir, molt ccrui-ily not go in.. Petr. She's my filter, and 1 will fpeak to her. John. If me were your mother, Sir, you fliou'd not, rho' it were but to a(k her bleiling. Petr. Since you are fo pofitive, I'll try. Join. You mall rind me a man of my word, Sir. (f&t. Dukt. Nay, pray gentlemen, hold, let me compofe this matter. vVhy do you make a Icruple of letting us fee Ccnftantia ? John. Why, Sir, 'twould turn a man's head round to hear theie fello .vs talk fo j there is not one word true of all that he has laid. Duke. Th^n you do not know where Ccnftantia is ? Join. Not I, by heavens ! Fred. O monft.-ous impudence! upon my life, Sir, t faw him force her into that houle, lock her up, and ,he key is now in his pocket. Join. Now that is two Les , for firft he did not fee ,er, and next all force is unneccfiary flic is fo very willing I Duke. THE CHANCES. Duke. But look'ec, Sir, this doubt may eafily be cleared ; let either Petruchio or I but fee her, and if fhe be not Conftantia^ we engage our honours (tho' we mould know her) never to difcover who fhe is. John. Ay, but there's the point now that I can ne'er conlcnt to. Duke. Why? John. Becaufe I gave her my word to the contrary. Petr. Pifh, I won't be kept off thus any longer: Sir, either let me enter or I'll force my way. Fred. No, pray Sir, let that be my office -, I will be revenged on him for having betray'd me to his friend- Ihip. [Petr. and Fred, offer to fight with John. Duke. Nay, you fhall not offer him foul play* nei- ther. Hold, brother, pray a word j and with you too, Sir. ( They walk a/ide. John. I would they would make an end of this bufinefs, that I might be with her again. Heark'ee, gentlemen, I'll make ye a fair proportion, leave off this ceremony among yourfelves, and tho(e difmal threats againft me ; philip up, crofs or pile, who fhall begin firft, and I'll do the beft I can to entertain you all one after another. Enter Antonio. Ant. Now do my fingers itch to be about fomc- body's ears for the lofs of my gold. Ha J what's here to do, fwords drawn ? 1 muft make one, tho' it coft me the finging of ten John Dories more. Courage, brave boy ! I'll fland by you as long as this tool here lafts ; and it was once a good one. Petr. Who's this ? Antonio ! O, Sir, you are wel- come, you mall be e'en judge between us. Ant. No, no, no, not I, Sir, I thank you -, I'll make work for others to judge of, I'm refolv'd to fight. Petr. But we won't fight with you. Ant- Then put up your fwords, or by this hand I'll lay about me. ('f bey put up their faords, John. Well faid, old Bilboa> i'faith. Brfr, T H E C H A N C E S. 54 Petr. Pray hear us tho' : this gentleman faw him lock up my filler into this houfc, and he refufes to let u s fee her. Ant. How, friend, is this true ? (Going to him. John. Not fo hafty, I befeech you. Look'ee, gentlemen, to mew you that all are miftaken, and that my formal friend there is an afs Fred. I thank you, Sir. John. I'll give you my confent that this gentleman here mall fee her, if his information can fatisfy you. Duke. Yes, yes, he knows her very well. John. Then, Sir, go in here, if you pleafe ; I dare truft him with her, for he is too old to do any mif- chief. [ Antonio goes in. Fred. I wonder ho\V my gentleman will get off from all this. John. I mall be even with you, Don Frederick^ ano- ther time, for all your grinning. How now ! what noife is that ? (Not ft within the hottfe. Enter Peter. Pet. The gentltman! John. Where is he? Pet. He's run out of the back-door, Sir. John. How fo ? Pet. Why, Sir, he's run after the gentlewoman you brought in. John. 'Sdeath howdurftyou let her out? Pet. Why, Sir, I knew nothing. John. No, thou ignorant rafcal, and therefore I'll beat fomething into thee. (beats him) Run after her, you dog, and bring her back, or [Peter runs off. Fred. What, you won't kill him ? John. Nay, come not near me, for if thou doft, by heavens, I'll give thee as much i and would do fo however, but that I won't lofe time from looking after my dear fwcet A plague confound you all. (Goes in, and fonts the door after him* I 2 Dvkt 60 THE CHANCES. Duke. What, he has {hut the door ! Fred. It's no matter, I'll lead you to a private back- w;iy, by that corner, where we fhall meet him. [Exeunt A C T V. S C E N E I. A STREET. Enter i Conftantia. i Con. /^\H whither {hall I run to hide myfelf f \_J The conftables has fcized the landlady, and I'm afraid the poor child, too. How to return to Don Frederick's houfc, I know not , and if I knew, I durft not, after thole th:ngs the landlady has told me of him. You powers above look down and help me! I am faulty I confefs, but greater faults have of- ten met with lighter punimrrients. Enter Don John. 'Join. FIT almoft dead with running, and will be fo quite, but I'll overtake her. i Con. Hold, Don Jehu, hold ! John. Who's that ? Ha ! is it you, my dear ? i Con. For heaven's fake, Sir, carry me from hence, or I'm utterly undone. John. Phoo, plague, this is th'other : Now cou'd I almoft, beat, her, for but making me the proportion. Madam, there are fome a coming, that will do it a g'reat deal better ; but I'm in inch haite, that I vow to Gad, madam i Con. Nay, pray, Sir, flay, you are concern'd in this as well as I , for your woman is taken. John. Ha ! my woman ? [Gees back to her. I vow to Gad, madam, I do fo highly honour your ladyfhip, that I wou'd venture my life a thoufand times to do you fervice. But pray where is ilie ? i Ccn. Why, Sir, me is taken by the conftable. John- Conftiibk ! which way went he ? I Con. T H E C H A N C E S. 6t i Con. I cannot tell, for I run out into the flreets juft as he had feiz'd upon your landlady. John. Plague o' my landlady ! I mean the other woman. i Ccn. Other woman, Sir ! I've feen no ether wo- man, never fince I left your houle ! John. 'Sheart, what have I been doing here then all this while? Madam, your molt humble i Ccn. Good Sir, be not ib cru^l, as to leave me in this diftrefs. John. No, no, no-, I'm only going a little way, and will bcrback again prefently. i Ccn. But pray, Sir, hear me, I'm in that dan- ger John. No, no, no ! I vow to Gad, madam, no danger i' th' world. Let me alone, I warrant you. (Hurries off. i Con. He's gone, and I a loft, wretched, mile- ruble creature, for ever ! Enter Antonio. Ant. O, there flic is i Ccn. Who's this, Antonio I the fierceit enemy I have. [Rum away. Ant. Are you fo nimble-footed, gentlewoman ? A plague confound all whores ! [Exit. S CE N E II. A STREET. Enter Mother to the 2 Ccnftantia and Kinfwoman. Kinf. But, madam, be not ib angry, perhaps fhe'll come ;Tgain. Moth. O kinfwoman never fpeak of her more ; for flic's an odious creature to leave me thus in the lurch. I have given her all her breeding, and mftrudted her with my own principles of education. Kinf. I proteir., madam, I think fhe's a perfon that knows as much of all that as Moth. Knows, kinfwoman ! There's neVr a fe- male in Italy* of thrice her years, knows fo much the 6*2 T H E C H A N C E S. the procedures of a true gallantry ; and the infallible principles of an honourable friendfhip, as fhe does. Kinf. And therefore, madam, you ought to love her. Moth. No, fie upon her, nothing at all, as I'm a chriftian. When once a perfon fails in fundamentals, flic's at a period with me. Befides, with all her wit, Conftantia is but a fool, and calls all the minauderies of a bonne mine, affectation. Kinf. Indeed, I muft confefs, (he's given a little too much to the carelefs way. Moth. Ay, there you have hit it, kinfwoman ; the carelefs way has quite undone her. Will you believe me, kinfwoman ? as I am a chriftian, I never could make her do this nor carry her body thus but juft when my eye was upon her ; as loon as ever my back was turned, whip her elbows were quite out again : Wou'd not you flare now at this ? Kinf. Blefs me, fweet goodnefs ! But pray, madam, how came Conftantia to fall out with your ladyfhip ? did fhe take any thing ill of you ? Moth. As I'm a chriftian I can't refolve you, unlefs it were that I led the dance firftj but for that fhe muft excufe me ; I know fhe dances well, but there arc others who perhaps underftands the right fwim of it as well as fhe Enter Don Frederick. And tho' I love Conftantia Fred. How's this ? Conftantia ! Moth. I know no reafon why I mould be debarred the privilege of mewing my own Geno too fometimes. Fred. If I am not miftaken, that other woman is fhe Don John and I were directed to, when we came firfl to town, to bring us acquainted with Conftantia. I'll try to get fome intelligence from her. Pray, lady, have I never feen you before ? Kinf. Yes, Sir, I think you have,' with another ftranger, THECHANCES. 63 ftranger, a friend of your's, one day as I was coming out of the church. Fred. I'm right then. And pray who were you talking of? Moth. Why, Sir, of an inconfiderate inconfiderable perfon, that has at once both fori cited the honour of my concern, and the concern of her own honour. Fred. Very fine indeed ! and is all this intended for the beautiful Conjlantia ? Moth. O fie upon her, Sir, an odious creature, as I'm a chriftkn, no beauty at all. Fred. Why, does not your ladylhip think her hand- fome? Moth. Serioufly, Sir, I don't think fhe's ugly, but as I'm a chriftian, my pofition is, that no true beauty can be lodg'd in that creature, who is not in fome meafure buoy'd up with a jutt fenfe of what is incum- feent to the devoir of a perfon of quality. Fred. That pofition, madam, is a little fevere: but however me has been incumbent formerly, as your la- dymip is pleas'd to fay ; now that (he's married, and her hulband owns the child, me is fufficiently juftify'd for what me has done. Moth. Sir, I muft, blufhingly, beg leave to fay you are in an error. I know there has been the paf- fion of love between 'cm, but with a temperament fo innocent and lo refin'd, as it did i;npofe a negative upon the very poffibility of her being with child. No, Sir, I affure you, my daughter Conjlantia has never had a child : A child! ha, ha, ha 1 O goodnefs fave us, a child ! Fred. Well, madam, I mall not difpute this with you any further -, but give me leave to wait upon your daughter-, for her friend, I affure you, is in great impatience to fee her. Moth. Friend, Sir! I know none me has, I'm fure {he loaths the very firfit of him. Fred. Of whom? Moth. 64 THECHANCES. Moth. Why, of Antonio, Sir, he that you were plcas'd to fay ha, ha, ha ! "Fred. Still \\orfe and worfc. 'Slife! cannot me be content with not letting me underftand her ; but muft alforefolve obftinately not to underftand me, becaufe I fpeak plain ? Why, madam, I cannot exprefs my- fdf your way, therefore be not offended at me for it. I tell you I do not know Antonio, nor never nam'd him to you ? I told you that the duke has own'd Conftait- tia for his wife, and that her brother and he are friends, and are now both in fearch after her. Motb. 7 hen as I'm a chriftian, I fufpect we have both been equally involv'd in the misfortune of a mif- take. Sir, I am in the dernier ccnfufion to avow, that tho' my daughter Ccnftantia ru:; been liable to feveral addrefics ; yet me never had the honour to be produc'd to his grace. Fred. So, now the thing is out. This is a damn'd bawd, and I as dam'd a rogue for what I did to Don Jcbr.; for o'my confcience, this is that Ccnftantia the fellow told me of. I'll make him amends, whate'er it coft me. Lady, you mutf give me leave not to part with you, till you meet with your daughter, for fome reafcns I mall tell you hereafter. Mcth. Sir, I am fo highly your cbiigee for the man- ner of your enquiries, and you have grounded your determinations Upon fojuft a bails, thatl mail not be afhanf d to own myfcjf a votary to all your com- mands. [Exeunt SCENE III. A STREET. Enter ? Conflantia. 2 Ccr,. So ! thanks to my youth and my heels, I am once more free from Antonio what an efcape! and yet, what a misfortune ! I have no great reafon to rejoice for tho' I have got clear from the old fellow, I have loll the young one to6. I did not \vifh to out-run 'em both but whither to go now ? that's the THE CHANCES. 65 the queftion. 1 wilh my fpirited young Spaniard was hereto anfwer it but that this wild fpark, whom I lik'd ib well, and who fwore he lik'd me, fhould fend that old piece of mifchief to diftrefs me, and drive me out of the houfe, puzzles me exceed- ingly ! I wifh I could fee him once more to explain this matter to me. May I never be married if he is not coming this way ! Shou'd he prove falfe, my poor heart will have a terrible time of it now for the proof \Walks tifide. Enter Don John, holding Peter. John. Did you run after her, as I order'd you,Sirrah ? Pet. Like any greyhound, Sir. John. And have you found her, rafcal ? Pet. Not quite, Sir. John. Not quite, Sir ! You are drunk, fellow ! Pet. A little, Sir 1 run the better for it. John. Have you feen her ? fpeak quickly, or fpeak rio more. [Shaking him. Pet. Yes, yes, I have feen her. John. Where ! where ( Pet. There ! there ! John. Where's there, Sirrah ? Pet. There where I faw her in the ftreet ! John. Did you overtake her ? (down." Pet. I was overtaken myfelf, Sir, and hie -fell John. Then me is gone ! irrecoverably gone ! and I mall run diftractcd. [2 Conftantia taps him on the /boulder, he turns, and they gaze at each other. John. Heigho ! Pet. Never was fo near death in all my life ! [Ex. Pet. John. O my dear foul, take pity o' me* and give me comfort ; for I'm e'en dead for want of thee. 2 Con. O you're a fine gentleman indeed, to fhut me up in your houfe, and fend another man to me. John. Pray hear me. a Con. No J will never hear you more after fuch K art 66 THE CHANCES. an injury , what would you have done, if I had been kind to you, that you could ufe me thus before ? John. By my troth, that's fhrewdly urg'd. 2 Con. Befides, you bafely broke your word. John. But will you hear nothing ? nor did you hear nothing ? I had three men upon me at once, and had I not confented to let that old fellow up, who came to my refcue, they had all broken in whether I wou'd or no. 2 Con. It may be fo, for I remember I heard a noife , but fuppofe it was not fo, what then ? why then I'll love him however. Hark'ee, Sir, I ought now to ufe you very fcurvily ; but I can't find in my heart to do fo. John. Then heaven's bleffing on thy heart for it. 2 Con. But a John. What? 2 Con. I would fain know John. What, what ? I'll tell thee any thing, every thing. 2 Con t I wou'd fain know whether you can be kind to me. John. Look in your glafs, my charmer, and anfvver for me. 2 Con. You think me very vain. John. I think you devilifh handfome. 2 Con. I mail find you a rogue at laft. John. Then you mall hang me for a fool , take your garters and 'do it now if you will. (Sighing* 2 Con. You are no fool. John. O yes, a loving fool. 2 Con. \V ill you love me for ever ? John. I'll be bound to you for ever you can't defire better fecurity. 2 Con. I have better fecurity, John. "W hat's that, my angel ? 2 Con. The tendered affection for you now, and the kindeft behaviour to you, for ever more. John. THECHANCES. 67 John. And I, upon my knees, will fwear, that> that what (hall I Iwear ? 2 Con. Nay uic what words you pleafe, fo they be but hearty. John. I fwear then by thy fair felf, that looks fo like a deiry, and art the only thing I now can think of, that I'll adore you to my dying day. 2 Con. And here I vow, the minute thou doft leave me, I'll leave the world that's kill myfelf. John. O my dear heavenly creature ! we'll love as Iqng as we live, and then we'll die together and there's an end of both of us. But who is this my old new friend has got there ? Enter i Conftantia, and Antonio who feizes her. Ant. O have I caught you, gentlewoman, at lafl ! ~ Come give me my gold. 1 Con. I hope he takes me for another \ I won't anfwcr, for I had rather you mould take me for any one, than who I am. John. Pray, Sir, who is that you have there by the hand ? Ant. A perfon of honour that has broke open my trunks, and run away with all my gold ; yet I'll hold ten pounds I'll have it whipp'dout of her again. 2 Con. Done, I'll hold you ten pounds of that now ! Ant. Ha ! by my troth you have reafon, and lady, I afk your pardon ; but I'll have it whipp'd out of yen then, goflip. (Going to her. John. Hold, Sir, you muft not meddle with my goods. (Stopping him. Ant. Your goods ? how came fhe to be your's ? I'm fure I bought her of her mother for five hundred good pieces in gold. John. A.y, Sir, but that bargain won't hold good in our court j befides, Sir, as I told you before, fine's mine, Don. Ant. Your'Sj Sir ! by what right ? K 2 John. 6S THE CHANCES. John. The right of pofiefiion, Sir, the law of love, ana confent of the parties Ant. And is this fo, young lady ? 2 Con. Yes, young gentleman, it is. You purchafe me! And cou'd you imagine, you old fool you, that I wou'd take up with you, while there was a young fellon to be had for love or money. Purchafe your- felf a little wit, and a great deal of flannel againfl the cold weather, or, on my word, you'll make a melan- choly figure. Ha! ha! ha! John. He does make a melancholy figure, ha! ha! You had better let her alone, Don-, why, Ihe's too hard for me Ant. Indeed I think fo But pray, Sir, by your leave, I hope you will allow me the fpeech of one word to your goods here, as you call her^ 'tis but a. fmall requcft. John. Ay, Sir, with all my heart how, Ccnftan- tia ! Madam, now you have feen that lady, I hope you will pardon the hafte you met me in a little while ago i if I committed a fault, you muft thank her for it. i Qcn. Sir, if you will, for her fike, be perfuaded to protect me from the violence of my brother, I mall have reafon to thank you both. John. Nay, madam, now that I'm in my wits again, and my heart's at eafe, it (hall go very hard, but 1 will fee your's fo too -, I was before diftracted, and 'tis not ftrange that the love of her fhou'd hinder me from remembering what was due to you, fince it made me fpre.-et myfelf. i Ccr>. Sir, I do know too well the power of love, by rry own experience, not to pardon all the effects of it in another. Avt. Well, then I'll promife you, if you will but help me to recover my gold again, that I'll never trouble you more, 2 CGH THE CHANCES. 6 9 2 Con. A match j and 'tis the beft that you and I could ever make. John. Pray, madam, fear nothing ; by my love I'll ftand by you, and fee that your brother fliall do you no harm. 2 Con. Hark'ee, Sir, a word : how dare you talk of love to any lady but me, Sir ! John. By my troth that was a fault, but I meant it only civilly. 2 Con. Ay, but if you are fo very civil a gentle- man, we mall not be long friends : I fcorn to (hare your love with any one whatfoever, and for my part, I'm refolv'd cither to have all or none. John. Well, well, my dear little covetous rogue,' thou (halt have it all thus I fign and fcal (kijjes her hand) and transfer all my (lock of love to thee 'tis plac'd in a fure fund, where the principal and in- tereft fhall never be diminifh'd and you fhall enjoy both without the fmalleft breach of faith on either fide. 2 Ccn. I accept it in the warmeft fpirit of love and gratitude. Enter Frederick and Mother. Fred. Come now, madam, let us not fpeak one word more, but go quietly about our bufmefs ; not but that I think it the greateft pleafure in the world to hear you talk, but Moth. Do you indeed, Sir! I fwear then- good wits jump, Sir j for I have thought fo myfelf a very great while- Fred. You've all the reaton imaginable. O Don C-/ John^ I a(k thy pardon ! but I hope I (hall make thee amends, for I iiave found out the mother, and (he has promis'd to help thee to thy raiftrcfs again. John. Sir, you may fave yotir labour, the bufmefs is done, and I am fully fatisfy'd. Fred. And doft thou know who (he is ? John. ;o THECHANCES. John. No faith, I never afk'd her name. Fred. Why then I'll make thee yet more fatisfy'd j this iady here is that very Conftantia John. Ha ! thou halt not a m;nd to be knock'd o'er the pate too, haft thou ? Fred. No, S ; r, nor dare you do it ne : ther j but for certain this is that very felf lame Lcnftantia that thou and I fo long look'd after. John. I thought me was fomething more than or-. dinary -, bu: mall I tell thee now a ftranger th.ng than all this ? Fred. that? Jchn. "Why I will never more tlvnk of any other woniaa fo/. her .lce. Fred. Thiii indeed is ftrange, but you arc much altered, Jchn\ it was but this morning tii.-c \.,-men were Inch hypocnies, that you would not trail a iingle mother's daughter, o; John. Ay, biii'.vhen Lhini;? are at the worft, they'H mend example does evri ^, Frede^-k^ z>.: the fair fex will certainly gfl -never the greateft is the bcft woman in the kinrium List's what I truft too. /r^. Well parry'd, John. John. See here, Frederick! the loft jewel is found. (Shewing i Conftantia. 2 Co. Come, mother, deliver your punt ; I have delivered myfelf up to this young fellow, and the bargain's made with that old fellow, fo he may have his gold again, that all mail be well. Moth. As 1 am a chriftian, Sir, I took it away only to have the honour of reftoring it again ; for my h.-.rd fate having not beftow'd upon me a fund which might capacitate me to make you prefents of my own, I had no way left for the exercife of my generofity but by putting myfelf into * condition of giving back what was your's. Ant THE CHANCES. 7 i Ant. A very generous defign indeed ! So now I'll e'en turn a fober perfon, and leave off this wenching, and this fighting, for I begin to find it does not agree with me. Frtd. Madam, I'm heartily glad to meet your lady- fhip here ; we have been in a very great diforder fiace we faw you. John. What's here ? our hndlady and the child again ! Enter Duke, Pretuchio, *nd Landlady, with the Child. Petr. Yes, we met her going to be whipp'd, in a drunken conftable*s hands that took her for another. John. Why then, pray let her e'en be taken and whipp'd for herfclf, for on my word me deferves 'it. Land. Yes, I'm fure of your good word at any time. i Ccn. Hark'ee, dear landlady. Land. O fweet goodnels ! is it you ? I have been in luch a pack of troubles fincc 1 faw you ; th.y took me, and they tumbl'd me, and they haul'd rne, and they pull'd me, and they call'd me painted Jezebel^ and the poor little babe h^re did fo take on. Come hither, my lord, come hither : here is Conftantia. i Con. For heaven's fake peace , yonder's my bro- ther, and if he dilcover me, I'm certainly ruin'd ! Duke. No, madam, there is no danger. i Con. W'..-ie there a thoufand dangers in thole arms, I would run thus to meet them. Duke. O my dear ! it were not iufe that any fliou'd be here at prcfent; for now my heart is fo o'er- prefs'd with joy, that I fhou'd fcarcc be able to de- fend thee. Petr. Sifter, I'm fo afham'd of all my faults, which my miftake has made me guilty of, that I know not how to afk your pardon for them. i Con. No, brother, the fault was mine, in miftak- ing 72 THECHANCES. ing you fo much, as not to impart the whole truth to you at firit ; but having begun my love without your confcnt, ! never durft acquaint you with the progrefs of it. Duke. Come, let the confummation of our prefent joys blot out the memory of all thefe paft miftakes. John. And when mail we confummate our joys ? 2 Con. Never : We'll find out ways mail make 'em laft for ever. John. A mach, my girl Come let us all away, And celebrate The CHANCES of this day; My former vanities are paft and gone, And now I fix to happinels and one ; Change the wild wanton, for the fober plan, And, like my friend besome a Modeft man. FINIS. University of California SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY Return this material to the library from which it was borrowed. 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