3G05
 
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 At Los Angeles 
 The Library 
 
 Form L I 
 
 TR.
 
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 DEC18HW' 
 
 Form L-9-10m-3,'27
 
 PR 
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 .ice. 
 
 University of California 
 
 At Los Angeles 
 The Library 
 
 Form L I 
 
 TR, 
 
 3605"
 
 This book is DUE on (he last date stamped below 
 
 i 
 
 .JBCTlWWi 
 
 w~m & 
 
 DEC18W 
 
 175 
 
 Form L-9-10m-3,'27
 
 THE 
 
 APPRENTICE, 
 
 A FARCE 
 
 I N ' T W O ACTS. 
 
 As it is performed at the 
 
 THEATR E - ROY AL 
 
 in DRURY-LANE. 
 By Mr. MURPHY. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 Printed for P. VAILLANT, facing Southampton- 
 Street^ in the Strand. \ 756. 
 
 S2306
 
 I ^
 
 ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 THERE was Room to apprehend, be- 
 fore the Reprefentation of the following 
 Farce, that the Subject might appear 
 > extravagant and merely ideal ; but the real 
 ^ Exiftence of it is difplayed 'in fuch a lively and 
 picturefque Manner by the Author of the 
 Prologue, and was at once fo univerfally 
 felt by the Audience, that all necefiicy of 
 faying any thing farther on this Head is now 
 entirely fuperfeded. What at prefent remains 
 * to be feared, is, that the Apprentice will not 
 ^ make fo lively a figure in the clofet, as on the 
 <v Stage, where the Parts in general were allow- 
 ed to be well performed ; where Simon wasre- 
 prefented with a perfection of folly, where 
 the Skill of Mr. Tales exhibited the Impo- 
 tence of a Mind, whofe Ideas extend very 
 2 little beyond the multiplication Table, and 
 j^ whofe Paffions are ever in a crazy Conflict, 
 unlefs when they all fubfide into a fordid 
 Love of Gain ; and where Mr. Woodward's 
 admirable comic Genius gave fuch a Spirit to 
 the whole, that there is Reafon to think, when- 
 C? ever he relinquimes the Part, the Apprentice 
 may again elope from his Friends, without any 
 one's defiring him to Return to his Bufinefs. 
 
 The Author has however endeavoured to 
 render all its Defects as excufable as he could, 
 and he wifhes no ftronger Criticifm could be 
 brought againft hirr^ than the two following 
 Obfervations, which he thinks very fingular 
 and fomewhat entertaining. " / carft, fays 
 * e one, give my Opinion of the Piece, fill I have 
 
 " Time
 
 " Time to conftder tie 'Depth of it . " " Pol fays 
 * s another, this is not all bis OWN, I remember 
 " feme of it in other Plays" in order to affift 
 tho former in his deepRefearches,andto enable 
 the latter to make good his charge of Plagia- 
 rifm, References are made to the feveral Plays, 
 from which the diftempered Hero of the piece 
 makes up his motley, but character i ft ick Dia- 
 lect. The intelligent Reader, if he think it 
 worth h ; s while to turn over rhefe Leaves, will 
 be pleaii :i to remember that a Parody does not 
 a) ways carry with it aBurlefqueon the Lines al- 
 luded to. For (as it is judicioufly remarked in a 
 note to Mr. Papers Dunciad) " // is a common^ \ 
 " but fcolijh, miftake that a ludicrous Parody of 
 " a grave and celebrated Paffage \ is a Ridicule of 
 " that Paffage. A Ridicule indeed there is in 
 " every Parody, but where the Image is transfer- 
 " red from one Object to another ', there the Ri- 
 " dicule falls not on the Thing imitated, but 
 " imitating. Thus for Inftance^ when 
 
 * Old Edward's Armour beams on Gibbers Ereajl. 
 " Jt is without Doubt an Objecl; ridiculous 
 * c enough , but then, I think, it falls neither 
 " on old King Edward, nor his Armour, but 
 " on his Armour- Bearer only" 
 
 But this is prefacing a Farce as if it were a 
 Thing of moment; I (hall therefore difmifs 
 it to the Prefs, without adding any Thing far- 
 ther, exct-pt my grateful Acknowledgements , 
 lor the very favourable Reception, wkh which 
 the Public has honoured the trifling Scenes of 
 
 Their mo ft obliged 
 
 Ta-vifiock RIK-J an d mo jl obedient Servant, 
 
 cui Jan, 1756. 
 
 ARTHUR MURPHY. 
 
 * A Lite of Pope's in a ludicrous Account f tbe Coronation wr 
 Henry the VHIlb.
 
 PROLOGUE 
 
 written by Mr. GARRICK, 
 fpoken by Mr. MURPHY, drefled in Black, 
 
 T&Ehold a Wonder for Theatric Story ! 
 ^ The Culprit of this Night, appears before ^e. 
 Before his Judges dares theft Boards to tread, 
 " With all his Imperfections on his Head!" 
 Prologues precede the Piece, in mournful Verfe ; 
 As Undertakers ivalk before the Hearfe. 
 Who ft doleful March may ft r ike the hardened Mind, 
 And wake if s feelings for the Dead behind. 
 Trickt out in Black thus Aft or s try their Art, 
 To melt that Rock of Roc Kg, the Critics Heart. 
 No afted Ft art my Vanity betray ; 
 I am indeed, what others only play. 
 Thus ff.r my f elf; . The Farce comes next in 
 Tho* many are it's Faults, at It aft 'tis NEW. 
 No fmuggled, pilfered Scenes from France <we 
 ""Tis Englijh Englijb, Sirs ! from Top to Toe 
 ThJ Coarfe my Colours and my Hand unjkilfd, 
 From real life my little Cloth is Jilfd. 
 My Hera is a Youth, by Fate dejtgn'd 
 For culling Simples, lut ivhofe Stagt-Jirvck Mind, 
 Nor Fate could rule, nor his Indentures bind. 
 A Place there is nhert fttct young ^ttixots meet ; 
 'r caird the SPOUT1NG-CLUB ; aghranu Treat! 
 Where Prentic'd- Kings alarm the Gaping Street ! 
 Thtrt Brutus flartt and flares by midnight Taper ; 
 Who all the DAY enafts a Woollen Draper. 
 There Hamlet's Gbojl fialks forth nuith doubrdFifi 1 
 Cries out 'with hollow Voice, Lift, Lift, O Lift" > 
 And frightens Denmark's Prince a young Tobatconift. j 
 The Spirit too, cleared from his deadly White, 
 Rifes a Haberdafler to the Sight I 
 Not young Attorneys have this Rage iuitbflood, ") 
 
 But change their PensyirTaUN CH EO NS, Ink for BLOOD; > 
 And (Strange Reverfel) die for their Country's Good, j 
 Thro* all the Town this Folly you may trace ; 
 M'jtlf am Witnefs '/// a common Cafe. 
 J?i>e further Proofs, could ye lut think 1 wrong ye ; 
 Look round yorfl find fome Spouting Yguths among ye.
 
 To check thefe Heroes> and their Laurels frtf, 
 To bring 'em back to Reafon, and their SHOP, 
 To raife an harmlefs Laugh <was all my Aim, 
 And if 1 Jhun Contempt, I feek not FAME. 
 Indulge this Firftling, let me but BEGIN, 
 Nor nip me in the Buddings of my Sin ; 
 Some Hgpes I cherijh in your SMILES 1 read 
 my Faults, your Candor can exceed^em. 
 
 Dramatis Perform. 
 
 ^ a paffionate Old Man, particu- 
 larly fond of Money and Figures, and 
 involuntarily uneafy about his Son. 
 
 Mr. YATES. 
 
 Dick, his Son, bound to an Apothecary, 
 and fond of going on the Stage. 
 
 Mr. WOODWARD. 
 
 Gargle, an Apothecary. M-.BURTON, 
 
 Charlotte , Daughter to Gargle. 
 
 Mifs MINORS. 
 
 Simon, Servant to Gargle.Mr. H. VAUGHA* . 
 Scotchman, Mr. BLAKE s. 
 
 Iri/hman, Mr. JEFFERSON. 
 
 Catcbpoky a Bayliff. Mr. VAUGHAN. 
 
 Sporting-Club , Watchmen, &c,
 
 THE 
 
 APPRENTICE. 
 
 ACT I. SCENE L 
 
 Enter W i N G A T E and S i M o x. 
 
 VV I N G A T ( E. 
 
 A Y nay, but I tell you I am 
 convinc'd I know it is fo, 
 and fo Friend, don't you x thlnk 
 to trifle with me; I know you're 
 in the Plot, you Scoundrel, and 
 
 if you don't difcover all, 1'li 
 
 Simon. Dear Heart, Sir, you won't give a 
 Body Time. 
 
 Wmgate. Zookers ! an whole Month mif- 
 fing, and no Account of him far or near, 
 
 Wounds ! it's unaccountable. Look ye 
 
 'Friend, don't you pretend 
 
 B
 
 2 The APPRENTICE. 
 
 Simon. Lord, Sir* you're fo main pafii- 
 onate, you won't let a Body fpeak, 
 
 Wingate. Speak out then, and don't fland 
 
 muttering What a lubberly Fellow you 
 
 are \ ha ! ha ! Why don't you fpeak out, 
 
 you Blockhead ? 
 
 Simon. Lord, Sir, to be fure the Gentle- 
 man is a fine young Gentleman, and a fweet 
 young Gentleman but, lack-a-day, Sir, 
 how fhall I know any thing of him ? 
 
 Wingate. Sirrah, I fay he could not be 
 'Prentice to your Mailer fo long, arid you 
 live fo long in one Houfe with him, without 
 knowing his Haunts and all his Ways and 
 then, Varlet, what brings you here to my 
 Houfe fo often ? 
 
 Simon. My Mailer Gargle and I, Sir, are 
 fo uneafy about un, that I have been run- 
 ing all over the Town lince Morning to en- 
 quire for un ; and fo in my Way, I thought 
 J might as well call here 
 
 Wingate. A Villain, to give his Father all 
 this Trouble And fo you have not heard any 
 Thing of him Friend ? 
 
 Simon. Not a Word Sir, as I hope for 
 Marcy ; tho' as fure as you are there, I be- 
 lieve I can guefs what's come on un. As fure 
 as any thing, Mailer, the Gypfies have got- 
 ten hold on un, and we fhall have un come 
 
 home as thin as a Rake, like the young 
 
 Girl in the City, with living upon nothing 
 but Cruils and Water for fix and twenty 
 Days.
 
 APPRENTICE. 3 
 
 Wingatc. The Gypjies have got hold of 
 him, you Blockhead ! Get out of the Room 
 Here, you Simon 
 
 Simon. Sir, 
 
 Wingate. Where are you going in fqch a 
 Hurry ? - let me fee ; what muft be done ? 
 a ridiculous Numfkull, with his damned 
 Caffanders and Clcppatrtfs and Trumpery ; 
 with his Romances, and his OdyfTey Popes, and 
 
 a Parcel of Rafcals not worth a Groat j 
 
 wearing Stone Buckles, and cocking his Hat ; 
 I never wear Stone Buckles, never cock my 
 Hat but, zookers, 111 not put myfelf in a 
 Pafiion Simony do you ftep back to your Maf- 
 ter, my Friend Gargle, ana tell him I want to 
 fpeak with him t;ho' I don't know- what 
 I mould fend for him for a fly, flow, he- 
 Stating Blockhead ! he'll only plague me 
 
 with his Phyfical Cant and his Nonlence 
 
 why don't you go you Booby, when I bid 
 you ? 
 
 Simon. Yes, Sir [Exit. 
 
 Wingate. This Fellow will be the Death of 
 
 me at laft 1 can't Sleep in my Bed fome- 
 
 times for him, An abfurd infignifficant 
 
 Rafca.l, to ftand in his own Light ! 
 
 Death and Fury, that we can't get Children, 
 without having a Love for 'em ! I have been 
 turmoiling for the Fellow all the Days of my 
 
 Life, and now the Scoundrel's run away .- 
 
 Suppofe I a.dverttfe the Dog, and promife a 
 Reward to any one that can give an Ac- 
 count of him well, but, why ffrould 
 
 I throw away my Money after him ? 
 
 why, as I don't fay what Reward, I may give 
 B 2 vha*
 
 4 3~Z?<? APPRENTICE. 
 
 what I pleafe when they come Ay, but if 
 
 the Villain Ihbuld deceive me, and happen to 
 
 be dead, why then he tricks me out of 
 
 two Shillings my Money's flung into the 
 
 Fire Zcokers, 111 not put myfelf in a 
 
 Paffion let him follow his Nofe it's 
 
 nothing at all to me- what care I ? 
 
 What do you come back for, Friend ? 
 
 Re-Enter Simon, 
 
 Simon. As I was going out, Sir, the Poft 
 came to the Door, and brought this Letter. 
 
 Wingate. Let me fee it The Gypfies 
 
 have got hold of him ! ha! ha ! what a pretty 
 Fellow you are! ha ! ha ! why don't you ftep 
 where I bid you, Sirrah ! 
 
 Simon. Yes Sir. {Exit. 
 
 Wingate. Well, well, I'm refolved, and 
 it ihall be fo- I'll advertife him To-morrow 
 Morning, and promife, if he comes home^ 
 all Ihall be forgiven : -^-And when the Block- 
 head comes, I may do as I pleafe ha ! ha ! 
 
 I may do as I pleafe ! Let me fee : He 
 
 had on- a Silver-loop'd Hat : 1 never 
 
 liked thofe vile Silver Loops : A Silver- 
 loop'd Hat -, and and SHdikins, 
 
 what fignifies what he had on ? I'll read 
 
 my Letter, and think no more about him. 
 Hey ! what a Plague have we here ? {mutters 
 to bimfelf] Brijlol a what's all this ?-- 
 
 " Efitemed Friend, 
 
 " Laft was 2oth u'timo, fmce none of 
 
 hicH v.'.'il (Kxafion Brevity. The 
 
 " Rea-
 
 APPRENTICE. 5 
 
 *' Reafon of my writing to thee at pre- 
 " fent, is to inform thee that thy Son came 
 * ' to our Place with a Company of Strollers, 
 * c who were taken up by the Magistrate, and 
 ** committed, as Vagabonds, to Jail. 
 
 Zooker's ! I'm glad of it a Villain of 
 
 a Fellow ! Let him lie there 
 
 " I am forry thy Lad mould follow fuch pro- 
 *' fane Couries ; but out of the Efteem I 
 " bear unto thee, I have taken thy Boy out 
 '" of Confinement, and fent him off for your 
 " City in the Waggon, which left this four 
 *' Days ago. He is configned to thy Ad- 
 " drefs, being the needful from thy Friend 
 " and Servant, 
 
 " Ebcencezor Broadbrim." 
 
 Wounds ! what did he take the Fellow out 
 for ? a Scoundrel Rafcal ! turn'd Stage- 
 Player I'll never fee the Villain's Face. 
 
 Who comes there ? 
 
 Enter Simon. 
 
 Simon. I met my Matter on the Way, Sir ; - 
 
 our Cares are over : Here he is, 
 
 Sir. 
 
 Wingate. Let him come in and do you 
 
 go down Stairs, you Blockhead. 
 
 [AV// Simon. 
 
 Enter
 
 6 T7:e APPRENTICE. 
 
 Enter Gaygle. 
 
 Wingate. So, Friend Gargle, Here's a 
 
 fine Piece of Work Dick's turned Vaga- 
 bond ! 
 
 Gargle. He muft be put under a proper 
 
 Regimen directly, Sir. He arrived at my 
 
 Houfe within thefe ten Minutes, but in fuch 
 3 Trim ! He's now below Stairs I judged 
 it proper to leave him there, till I had pre- 
 pared you for his Reception. 
 
 Wingate. Death and Fire what could put 
 it into the Villain's Head to turn Buffoon ? 
 
 Gargle. Nothing fo eafily accounted for : 
 Why, when he ought to be reading the Dif- 
 penfatory, there was he conflantly poring 
 over Plays, and Farces, and Shakefpear. 
 
 Wingate. Ay, that damned Shakefpear ! 
 I hear the Fellow was nothing but a Deer- 
 
 ilealer in Warwick/hire . Zookers ! if they 
 
 had hanged him out of the Way, he would 
 not now be the Ruin of honeft Men's Chil- 
 dren. But what Right had he to read 
 
 Sbakefpear ? -. 1 never read Shakefpear ! 
 
 Wounds ! I caught the Rafcal, myfelf, read- 
 ing that nonfenfical Play of Haniblet* where 
 the Prince is keeping Company with Strol- 
 lers and Vagabonds : A fine Example* Mr. 
 Gargle ! 
 
 Gargle. His Diforder is of the malignant 
 Kind, and my Daughter has taken the In- 
 fection from him blefs my Heart ! She 
 
 was as innocent as Water-gruel, till he ipoilt 
 
 her ;
 
 The APPRENTICE.' 7 
 
 her : I found her, the other Night, in 
 
 the very Fact. 
 
 Wingate. Zookers ! you don't fay fo ! - 
 caught her in the Fact ! 
 
 Gargle. Ay, in the very Fad:, of reading a 
 Play-book in Bed. 
 
 Wingate. O, is that the Fact you mean ? 
 is that all ? tho' that's bad enough. 
 
 Gargle. But I have" done for my young 
 
 Madam : I have confined her to her 
 
 Room, and locked up all her Books. 
 
 Wingate. Look-ye, Friend Gargle, I'll never 
 fee the Villain's Face : Let him follow his 
 Nofe and bite the Bridle. 
 
 Gargle. Lenitives, Mr. Wingate, Leni- 
 tives are propereft at prefent : His Habit 
 
 requires gentle Alteratives : but leave him 
 
 to my Management ; about twenty Ounces 
 
 of Blood, with a Cephalic Tincture, and 
 
 he may do very well. 
 
 Wingate. Where is the Scoundrel ? 
 
 Gargle, Dear Sir, moderate your Anger, 
 and don't ufe fuch harfh Language. 
 
 Wingate. Harfh Language ! Why do 
 
 you think Man, I'd call him Scoundrel, if 
 
 I had not a Regard for him ? You don't 
 
 hear me call a Stranger a Scoundrel. 
 
 Gargle. Dear Sir, he may flill do very well, 
 the Boy has very good Sentiments. 
 
 Wingate. Sentiment ! a Fig for Senti- 
 ment ! let him get Money, and never mifs 
 an Opportunity I never mifs'd an Op- 
 portunity ; got up at Five in the Morning,- 
 flruck a Light, made my own Fire 
 worked my Finger's Ends and this Va- 
 gabond
 
 8 be APPRENTICE." 
 gabond of a Fellow is going his own Way 
 with all my Heart What care I ? let him 
 follow his Nofe let him follow his Nofe 
 a ridiculous 
 
 Gargle. Ay ridiculous indeed, Sir Why 
 for a long Time paft, he could not converfe 
 
 in the Language of common Senfe. Afk 
 
 him but a trivial Queftion, and he'd give 
 fome cramp Anfwer out of fome of his Plays 
 that had been running in his Head, and fo 
 there's no underftanding a Word he fays.- 
 
 Wtngate. Zookers ! this comes of his keep- 
 ing Company with Wits, and be damned to 
 'em for Wit's ha ! ha ! Wits ! a fine 
 Thing indeed ha ! ha ! It's the moft beg- 
 garly, rafcally, contemptible Thing on 
 
 Earth. 
 
 Gargle. And then, Sir, I have found out 
 that he went three Times a Week to a Spout- 
 ing-Club. ; 
 
 Wingate. ASpouting-Club, Friend Gargle I 
 What's a Spouting-Club ? 
 
 Gargle. A Meetting of Prentices and Clerks 
 and giddy young Men, intoxicated with Plays ; 
 and fo they meet in Public Houfes to aft 
 Speeches ; there they all neglect Bufmefs, de- 
 Ipife the Advice of their Friends, and think of 
 nothing but to become Actors. 
 
 Wingate. You don't fay fo ! a Spo^i ting- 
 Club ! wounds, I believe they are all mad, 
 
 Gargle. Ay, mad indeed, Sir: Madnefs- 
 is occafionedin a very extraordinary Manner, 
 the Spirits flowing in particular Channels. 
 
 Wingate. 'Sdeath, your'e as mad yourfelf as 
 
 any of them. 
 
 Gargle.
 
 APPRENTICE. 9 
 
 Gargle. And continuing to run in the fame 
 Duds. 
 
 Wingate. Ducks ! Damn your Ducks ! 
 
 Who's below there ? 
 
 Gargle. The Texture of the Brain becomes 
 diforder'd, and [Wingate walks about uneafily 
 and Gargle follows} thus, by the PrefTure on 
 the Nerves, the Head is difturbed, and Ib 
 your Son's Malady is contracted. 
 
 Wingate. Who's without there ? Don'r 
 
 plague me fo, Man. 
 
 Gargle. But I mail alter the morbid State of ' 
 the Juices, correct his Blood, and produce 
 laudable Chyle. 
 
 Wingate. Zookers, Friend Gargle, don't 
 
 teaze me fo Don't plague me with your 
 
 phyfical Nonfenfe. Who's below there ? 
 Tell that Fellow to come up. 
 
 Gargle. Dear Sir, be a little cool In- 
 
 flammatories may be dangerous. Do, pray, 
 Sir, moderate your Paffions. 
 
 Wingate. Prithee, be quiet, Man I'll 
 
 try what I can do Here he comes. 
 
 Enter Dick. 
 
 Dick. Now, my good Father, what's the 
 Matter ? * 
 
 Wingate. So, Friend, you have been 
 
 upon your Travels, have you ? You have 
 
 had your Frolic ? Look-ye, young Man, 
 
 I'll not put myfelf in a Pafiion : But, 
 
 Death and Fire, you Scoundrel, what 
 
 C Right 
 
 * Humlep.
 
 io *rhe APPRENTICE.' 
 Right have you to plague me in this Man- 
 ner ? Do you think I muft fall in Love 
 
 with your Face, becaufe I am your Father ? 
 
 Dick. A little more than Kin, and lefs than 
 Kind. * 
 
 Wwgate. Ha! ha ! what a pretty Figure 
 
 you cut now ? ha ! ha ! why don't 
 
 you fpeakyou Blockhead ? Have you 
 
 nothing to fay for yourfelf ? 
 
 Dick. Nothing to fay for yourfelf ? 
 
 what an old Prig it is ? 
 
 Wingate. Mind me, Friend I have 
 
 found you out I fee you'll never come to 
 
 Good. Turn Stage-player ! Wounds ! 
 
 you'll not have^an Eye in your Head in a 
 
 Month ha'! ha ! you'll have 'em 
 
 knocked out of the Sockets with withered 
 Apples remember I tell you fo. 
 
 Dick. A Critic too ! \wbijtles'] Well done 
 old Square-toes. 
 
 V/ingate. Look-ye, young Man take 
 
 Notice of what I lay : I made my own 
 
 Fortune, and I could do the fame again. 
 Wounds ! if I were placed at the Bottom 
 of Chancery-Lane^ with a Brufn and Black- 
 ball, I'd make my own Fortune again 
 
 you read Sbakefpear ! Get Cocker's Arithme- 
 tic you may buy it for a Shilling on any 
 
 Stall beft Book that ever was wrote. 
 
 Dick. Pretty well, that ; Ingenious, 
 
 Faith ! Egad, the old Fellow has a 
 
 pretty Notion of Letters. 
 
 Wingatc.
 
 77je APPRENTICE. ir 
 
 . Can you tell how much is five 
 Eighths of three Sixteenths of a Pound ? Five 
 Eighths of three Sixteenths of a Pound Ay, 
 
 ay, I fee you're a Blockhead : Look-ye, 
 
 young Man, if you have a Mind to thrive 
 in this World, ftudy Figures and make your- 
 felf ufeful make yourfelf ufeful. 
 
 Dick. * How weary, ilale, flat and unprofit- 
 able feem to me all the Ufes of this World! 
 
 Wingate. Mind the Soundrel now. 
 
 Gargle. Do, Mr. Wingate, let me fpeak to 
 
 him, foftly, foftly, I'll touch him 
 
 gently : Come, come, young Man, lay 
 
 afide this fulky Humour, and fpeak as be- 
 comes a Son. 
 
 Dick, f O Jeptha, Judge of Ifrael^ what a 
 Treafure had'ft thou ? 
 
 Wingate. What does the Fellow fay ? 
 
 Gargle. He relents, Sir, Come, come, 
 
 young Man, he'll forgive, 
 
 Dick. J They fool me to the Top of my 
 
 Bent. Gad, I'll hum 'em, to get rid of 
 
 'em, a truant Diipofition, good my Lord: 
 
 No, no, flay, that's not right I have a 
 
 better Speech. " || It is as you fay when 
 " we are fober, and reflect but ever ib little on 
 " our Follies, we are afliamed and forry ; 
 " and yet, the very next Minute, we rum a- 
 " gain into the very fame Abfurdities." 
 
 Wingate. Well faid Lad, well faid mind me, 
 
 Friend : Commanding our own Paffions, and 
 
 artfully taking Advantage of other People's, 
 
 is the fure Road to Wealth: Death and 
 
 C 2 Fire 
 
 Hamlet, f Ditto. + Ditto. l( Safpicious Hulband,
 
 12 $be APPRENTICE. 
 
 Fire!- but I won't put myfelf in a Paf- 
 
 fion : It's my Regard for you makes me 
 
 fpeak ; and if I tell you you're a Scoundrel, 
 its for your Good, 
 
 Dick. Without Doubt, Sir. \ftifling a Laugh. 
 
 Wingate. If you want any Thing, you mail 
 
 be provided : Have you any Money in 
 
 your Pocket ? ha ! ha ! what a ridiculous 
 Numfkull you are now ? ha! ha! Come, 
 here's fome Money for you. \Pulls out bis 
 Money and looks at it.'] I'll give it to you an- 
 other Time , and fo you'll mind what I fay 
 to you, and make yourfelf ufeful for the 
 future. 
 
 Dick. * Elfe, wherefore breath I in a 
 Chriftian Land ! 
 
 Wingate. Zookers ! you Blockhead, you'd 
 better Hick to your Bufmefs, than turn Buf- 
 foon, and get Truncheons broke upon your 
 Arm, and be tumbling upon Carpets. 
 
 Dick, f I mall in all my beft obey you, 
 c; r 
 
 Oil . """ 
 
 Wingate. Veiy well, Friend, very well 
 
 faid you may do very well if you pleafe ; 
 
 and fo I'll fay no more to you, but make 
 yourfelf ufeful, and fo now go and clean 
 yourfelf, and make ready to go Home to 
 
 your Bufmefs and mind me young Man, 
 
 let me fee no more Play-Books, and 
 
 let me never find that you wear a lac'd Waift- 
 
 coat you Scoundrel; what right have 
 
 you to wear a lac'd Waiftcoat ? I never 
 
 wore a lac'd Waikcoat ! never wore one 
 
 till 
 
 * Richard III. f Hamlet.
 
 APPRENTICE. 13 
 
 till I was Forty But I'll not put myfelf 
 
 in a Pafiion go and change your Drefs, 
 
 Friend. 
 
 Dick. I mall Sir 
 
 * I muft be cruel, only to be kind, 
 
 Thus bad begins, but worfe remains behind. 
 
 Cocker's Arithmetick, Sir ? 
 
 Wingate. Ay, Cocker's Arithmetick 
 
 ftudy Figures, and they'll carry you through 
 the World 
 
 Dick. Yes, Sir, (fifing a Laugh) Cocker's 
 Arithmetick ! [*//. 
 
 Wingate and Gargle. 
 
 IVingate. Let him mind me, Friend Gargle^ 
 and I'll make a Man of him. 
 
 Gargle. Ay, Sir, you know the World. > 
 
 the young Man will do very well I wifh 
 
 he were out of his Time ; he fhall then have 
 my Daughter 
 
 Wingate. Yes, but I'll touch the Cam 
 he ihan't finger it, during my Life. I muft 
 
 keep a tight Hand over him [Gees to the 
 
 Door.'] Do ye hear, Friend ! Mind 
 
 what I fay, and go home to your Bufmefs 
 
 immediately Friend Gargle, I'll make a 
 
 Man of him. 
 
 Enter 
 
 * Hamlet.
 
 14 *Tbe APPRENTICE: 
 
 Enter Dick. 
 
 Dick, f Who called on yfote .? . Did not 
 Rarbaroffa require me here ? 
 
 Wingate. What's the Matter now ? - 
 Baro/a ! - wounds ! - what's Baro/a ? 
 - does the Fellow call me Names ? - 
 what makes the Blockhead ftand in fuch 
 Confufion ? 
 
 Dick. That Earlaroffa mould fufpect my 
 Truth! - 
 
 Wingate. The Fellow's ftark flaring mad 
 get out of the Room you Villian, get 
 out of the Room. 
 
 [Dick ftands in a fallen Mood. 
 
 Gargle. Come, come, young Man, every 
 thing is eafy, don't fpoil all again - go 
 and change your Drefs, and come Home to 
 your Bufmefs - nay, nay, be ruled by me 
 
 [fbrujts him of. 
 
 Wingate. I'm very peremptory, Friend 
 Gargle -, if he vexes me once more, I'll have 
 nothing to fay to him - well, but, now 
 I think of it - 1 have Cocker's Arithme- 
 tick below Stairs in the Counting-Houfe - 
 I'll ftep and get it for him, and fo he fhall 
 take it Home with him - Friend Gargle 
 your Servant. 
 
 Gargle. Mr. Wingate a good Evening to 
 you - you'll fend him Home to his 
 Bufmefs - 
 
 f The laft new Play called BarbaftJ/a.
 
 <fhe APPRENTICE. 15 
 
 Win*att. He (hall follow you home directly. 
 Five Eighths of Three Sixteenths of a Pound! 
 multiply the Numerator by the Deno- 
 minator i five Time Sixteen is ten Times 
 
 Eight, ten Times Eight is Eighty, and a 
 
 a carry one. [Exit. 
 
 Enter Dick and Simon. 
 
 Simon. Lord love ye, Mailer I'm fo 
 
 glad you're come back come, we had 
 
 as good e'en gang Home to my Matter 
 Gargle's . 
 
 Dick. No, no, Simon^ ftay a Moment 
 
 this is but a fcurvy Coat I have on and 
 
 I know my Father has always fome Jemmy 
 
 Thing lock'd up in his Clofet 1 know 
 
 his Ways He takes 'em in Pawn, for 
 
 he'll never part with a Shilling without Se- 
 curity. 
 
 Simon. Hufh ! he'll hear us ftay, I 
 
 believe he's coming up Stairs. 
 
 Dick. [Goes to the Door and liftens.] No, 
 no, no, he's going down, growling and 
 grumbling ay, fay ye fo " Scoundrel, 
 " Raical Let him bite the Bridle" " Six 
 *' Times Twelve is Seventy-two" all's fafe 
 Man, never fear him. Do you ftand here 
 I fhall difpatch this Bufmeis in a Crack. 
 
 Simon. Blefllngs on him ! what is he about 
 now ? why the Door is locked, Mailer. 
 
 Dick. Ay, but I can eafily force the Lock 
 you fhall fee me do it as well as any Sir John 
 Brute of 'em all , this right Leg here is the 
 
 " bed
 
 16 ffie APPRENTICE.' 
 
 beft Lockfmith in Emgland fo, fo, -*- [ forces 
 tbe Door and gees in.] 
 
 Simon. He's at his Plays again Odds my 
 Heart, he's a rare Hand he'll go through 
 with it, I'll warrant him Old Cojer muft 
 not fmoke that I have any Concern I muft 
 
 be main cautious Lord blefs his Heart, 
 
 he's to teach me to ac~l Scrub. He begun 
 
 with me long ago, and I got as far as the 
 Jcfuit before a went out of Town : 
 
 " * Scrub Coming, Sir Lord, Ma'am, 
 " Iv'e a whole Packet full of News fome 
 " fay one Thing and fome fay another -, but, 
 
 " for my Part, Ma'am, 1 believe he's a 
 
 " Jefuit" that's main pleafant " / believe 
 be s a Jefuit." 
 
 Re-enter Dick. 
 
 Dick, f I have done the Deed Didft thou 
 not hear a Noife ? 
 
 Simon. No, Mafter ; we're all fnug. 
 
 Dick. This Coat will do charmingly I 
 
 have bilked the old Fellow nicely. J In a 
 
 dark Corner of his Cabinet, I found this 
 Paper -, what it is the Light, will Ihew. 
 
 I promife to pay ha! 
 
 I promife to pay to Mr. Money trap^ or Or- 
 der, on Demand 'tis his Hand a Note of 
 his y e t m0 re The Sum of feven Pounds 
 fourteen Shillings and Seven-pence, Value 
 received, by me 
 
 London this i5th June, 1755-- 'Tis want- 
 ing what mould follow bis Name mould 
 
 fol- 
 
 * Stratagem, f Macbeth. J VUe the Mourning Ericle.
 
 APPRENTICE! ij 
 
 follow but 'tis torn off becaufe the Note 
 is paid. 
 
 Simon. O Lud ! Dear Sir, you'll fpoil all 
 I wifh we were well out of the Houfe Our 
 beft Way, Matter, is to make off directly. 
 
 Dick. I will, I will ; but firft help me on 
 
 with this Coat Simon, you mail be my 
 
 Dreffer you'll be fine and happy behind the 
 Scenes. 
 
 Simon. O Lud ! it will be main pleafant- I 
 have been behind the Scenes in the Country, 
 when I liv'd with the Man that fhew'd wild 
 Beaftices. 
 
 Dick. Hark-ye, Simon -, - when I am 
 playing fome deep Tragedy, and * cleave the 
 general Ear with horrid Speech, you muft 
 fland between the Scenes, and cry bitterly 
 
 [Teaches him. 
 
 Simon. Yes, Sir. 
 
 Dick. And when I'm playing Comedy, you 
 muft be ready to laugh your Guts out [Teaches 
 
 him. ] for I mail be very pleafant Tolde- 
 
 roll [Dances.'] 
 
 Simon. Never doubt me, Sir. 
 
 Dick. Very well -, now run down and open 
 the Street-Door , I'll follow you in a Crack. 
 
 Simon. I am gone to fe-rve you, Mailer 
 
 Dick, -f To ferve thyfelf for look ye, 
 
 Simon, when I am Manager, claim thou of 
 me the Care o'th' Wardrobe, with all thofe 
 Moveables, whereof the J Property-Man now 
 
 (lands poffeft. 
 
 D Simcn. 
 
 * Hamlet, f Richard III. 
 
 J The Property-Man, in the Play-Honfe Phrafe, is 
 the Perfon who gives Truncheons, Daggers, rV. to the 
 .Aftors, as Occalion requires.
 
 iS The APPRENTICE." 
 
 Simon. O Lud ! this is charming Hum ! 
 I am gone. [Going. 
 
 Dick. Well, but harkye, Simoa, come hi- 
 ther * what Money have you about 
 
 you Mafter Matthew ? 
 
 Simon. But a Tefter, Sir, 
 
 Dick. A Teller ! That's fomething 
 
 of the leaft, Mafter Mathcw^ let's fee 
 
 it. 
 
 Simon. You have had fifteen Sixpences 
 now 
 
 Dik. Never mind that I'll pay you 
 
 all at my Benefit 
 
 Simon. I don't doubt that, Mafter 
 
 but mum. [Exit. 
 
 Dick, folus. 
 
 -f Thus far we run before the Wind. 
 
 An Apothecary ! make an Apothecary 
 
 of me ! J what cramp my Genius over 
 
 a Peftle^and Mortar, or mew me up in a 
 Shop, with an Alligator ftuft, and a beggarly 
 Account of empty Boxes ! to be culling 
 Simples, and conftantly adding to the Bills 
 
 of Mortality. No ! no ! It will be 
 
 much better to be parted up in Capitals, T'he 
 Part of Romeo by a young Gentleman who never 
 appeared on any Scagc before ! My Am- 
 bition fires at the Thought But hold, 
 
 t mayn't 
 
 * Every Man in his Humour. f Richard III. 
 % Vide Rome* and Juliet.
 
 APPRENTICE. 19 
 
 mayn't I run fome Chance of failing 
 
 in my Attempt Rifled, Pelted, 
 
 laughed at, not admitted into the Grr,?n- 
 
 Room that will never do * Down 
 
 bufy Devil, down, down. Try it again. 
 Loved by the Women, envied by the Men, 
 applauded by the Pit, clapped by the Gallery, 
 admired by the Boxes. " Dear Colonel, is not 
 '' he a charming Creature." " My Lord, 
 
 " don't you like him of all things." 
 
 " Makes Love like an Angel." " What 
 
 " an Eye he has ? fine Legs! " 
 
 " I'll certainly go to his Benefit." Ce- 
 
 leftial Sounds ! And then I'll get in 
 
 with all the Painters, and have myfelf put up 
 
 in every Print-Shop in the Character of 
 
 Macbeth I " This is a forry Sight." (ftands an 
 Attitude.) In the Character of Richard (Give 
 
 me another Horfe, bind up my Wounds.) 
 
 this will do rarely and then I have a 
 
 Chance of getting well married O 
 
 glorious Thought ! f By Heaven I will 
 
 enjoy it, though but in Fancy But, 
 
 what's o'Clock ? it muft be almoft nine. 
 
 I'll away at once, this is Club-night. 
 
 'Egad I'll go to 'em for a while the 
 
 Spouters are all met little they think 
 
 I'm in Town they'll be furprized to 
 
 fee me Off I go, and then for my Af- 
 
 fignation with my Mafter Gargle's Daughter 
 
 Poor Charlotte ! Ihe's lock'd up, 
 
 but I fhall find Means to fettle Matters for 
 
 .her Efcape She's a pretty Theatrical 
 
 D 2 Genius 
 
 * Venice Preierv'd. Tamerlane.
 
 20 The APPRENTICE. 
 
 Genius If fhe flies to my Arms like a 
 
 Hawk to its Perch, it will be fo rare an Ad- 
 venture, and fo Dramatic an Incident ; 
 
 * Limbs do your Office, and fupport me well j 
 Bear me but to her, then fail me if you can, 
 
 * The Orphan. 
 
 END of the FIRST ACT. 
 
 A C T
 
 fbt APPRENTICE. 21 
 
 ACT II. SCENE J. 
 
 Scene difcovers the Spouting-Club, the Members 
 feated and roaring out Bravo, while oneftands 
 at a Diftance repeating. 
 
 ijl, Member./^MJRS'D he your Senate, 
 
 \^4 curs'd your Conftitution 
 The Curie of growing Factions, and 
 
 Divifions 
 Still vex your Councils. * 
 
 zd. Memb. Don't you think this Action a 
 little confined ? 
 
 if. Memb. Pfha ! you Blockhead; don't 
 you know that I'm in Chains ? 
 
 zd. Memb. Blockhead fay ye ? was not I 
 the firft that took companion on you, when 
 you lay like a fneaking Fellow under the 
 Counter, and fwept your Mafters Shop in 
 a Morning ? when you read nothing but the 
 Toung Man's Pocket Companion, or the 'True 
 Clerks. Vade Mecum, did not I put Cbrononr- 
 hotbontbologos in your Hand ? 
 
 AIL Bravo ! Bravo ! 
 
 Prefident. Come, Gentlemen, let us have 
 no Difputes. Confider Gentlemen, this is the 
 Honourable Society of Spouters, and fo to 
 put an end to all Animofities, read the feventh 
 Rule of this Society. 
 
 A 
 * Venice Prefcrv'd.
 
 22 The APPRENTICE. 
 
 A Member Reads, 
 
 " That Bufmefs, or want of Money , foall not 
 <c be received as an Excufe for Non-Attendance, 
 " nor the Anger of Parents or other Relations, 
 " nor theComplaints of our Mafters be ever heard; 
 " by which means this Society will be able to bo aft 
 *' its own mimic Heroes, and be a Nurfery of 
 " Young Actorlings for the Stage, in fyight of 
 " the Mechanic Genius of our Friends. 
 
 Prefident. That is not the rule I mean ;--- 
 but come, * we'll fill a Meafure the Table 
 round now good Digeftion wait on Appetite, 
 and Health on both. 
 
 All. Huzza, huzza, huzza. 
 
 Prefident. Come Gentlemen, let us have 
 no Quarrels. 
 
 AH. Huzza, huzza. - 
 
 Scotchman. Come now I'll gee you a Touch 
 of Macbeeth. 
 
 ift. Memb. That will be rare, come let's 
 have it. - 
 
 Scotchman. What do'ft Her at Mon ? I have 
 had muckle Applaufe at Edinburgh, when I 
 enacted in the Reegiceede, and I now intend 
 to do Macbeeth I feed the Dcggcr Yefterneet, 
 and I thought I mould ha' killed every one 
 that came in my way. 
 
 Irijhman. Stand out of the way Lads, and 
 you'll fee me give aTouch of 'Othello myDear 
 (takes the Cork and burns it and blacks his Face) 
 The Devil burn the Cork it would not do it 
 
 fa.il enough. 
 
 * Macbeth.
 
 T&? APPRENTICE. 23 
 
 ift. Memb. Here, here I'll lend you a help- 
 ing Hand, (Blacks him.) 
 
 (Knocking at the Door.) 
 id. Memb. * Open Locks,whoever Knocks. 
 
 Enter Dick. 
 
 Dick, f How now ye Secret, Black, and 
 Midnight Hags ? what is't ye do ? 
 
 All. Ha ! the Genius come to Town 
 Huzza ! huzza ! the Genius 
 
 Dick. How fare the honeft Partners of my 
 Heart ? Jack Hopelefs, give us your Hand 
 Guilder ft en yours Ha ! Rofencrofs Gentle- 
 men I rejoice to fee ye But come, the News, 
 the News of the Town ! has any thing been 
 Damned ? any new Performers this Winter ? 
 How often has Romeo and Juliet been acted? 
 come my Bucks inform me, I want News. - 
 ift. Memb. You mall know all in good 
 Time. but prithee my Dear Boy how was 
 it ? you play'd at Briftol, lets hear. 
 id. Memb. Ay, lets have it Dear Dick. 
 Dick. Look ye there now J lets have it 
 Dear Boy, and DearD/V. 
 
 ift. Memb. Nay, nay, but how was you 
 receiv'd-*- 
 
 Dick. Romeo was my part I touch'd 
 
 their Souls for 'em, every pale Face from 
 the Wells was there, and fo on I went but 
 rot 'em, never mind them || what Bloody 
 Scene has Rofetus now to act ? 
 
 tf. 
 
 * Macbeth. f Ditto, t Sufpicious Hulband. 
 jj Richard III.
 
 24 7&? APPRENTICED 
 
 i/?. Memb. Several Things But Genius^ 
 why did you come to us fo late ? ,Why did 
 not you come in the Beginning of the Night ? 
 
 Dick. Why, I intended it : But who mould 
 I meet in my Way but my Friend Catcall, a 
 devilim good Critic ; and fo he and I went 
 together and had our Pipes, to * clofe the Ori- 
 fice of the Stomach you know -, and what 
 do you think I learn'd of him ? 
 
 i ft. Memb. I can't (ay. 
 
 Dick. Can you tell, now, whether the Em- 
 phafis mould be laid upon the Epitaph f } or the 
 Subjiantive ? 
 
 ift. Memb. "Why, no.- 
 
 Dick. Ever, while you live, lay your Em- 
 phafis upon the Epitaph. 
 
 Irijhman. Arrah, my Dear, but what is 
 that fame Epitaph now ? 
 
 Dick. J Arrah, my dear Coufm Mack/hane? 
 won't you put a Remembrance upon me ? 
 
 Irijhman. Ow ' but is it mocking you are ? 
 Look-ye, my Dear, if you'd be taking 
 me off Don't you call it taking off ? By 
 my Shoul I'd be making you take yourfelf 
 
 off. What ? If you're for being obftropo- 
 
 lous, I would not matter you three Skips of 
 a Flea. 
 
 Dick. Nay, prithee, no Offence I hope 
 we mail be Brother-players. 
 
 Irijhman. Ow! then we'd be very good 
 Friends -, for you know two of a Trade can 
 never agree, my Dear. 
 
 Scotchman* 
 
 * Every Man in Ins Humour. 
 
 t By Miftake for the Epithet. t Stratagem,
 
 APPRENTICE.' 25 
 
 Scotchman. Locke is certainly reet in his 
 Chapter abbot innate Ideas ; for this Mofi is 
 born without any at all and the other Mon 
 yonder, I doot, is no great Heed-piece. 
 
 Dick. What do you intend to appear in ? 
 
 Iri/hman. Othollo, my Dear, let me alone ; 
 you'll fee how I'll boddcr 'em Tho* by my 
 Shoul, myfhelf does not know but I'd be- 
 frightened when every Thing is in a Hub-bub, 
 and nothing to be heard, but " Throw him 
 over" " over with him" "off, off, off the 
 " Stage" " Mufic" " vorft / ha? fome 
 " Orange-chips" " won't / ha' ferns Non- 
 " pareills." * Ow ! but may be the dear 
 Craturs in the Boxes will be lucking at my 
 
 Legs Ow ! to be fure the Devil burn 
 
 the Luck they'll give 'em. 
 
 Dick. I Ih'all certainly laugh in the Fellow's 
 Face. 
 
 Irijbman* Ow ! never mind it let me 
 
 alone, my Dear may-be I'd fee a little 
 
 round Face from Dublin in the Pit, may-be I 
 wou'd ; but then, won't I be the firft Gentle- 
 man of my Name that turn'd Stage-Play'r ? 
 My Coufms would rather fee me ftarve like 
 a Gentleman, with Honour and Reputation 
 Mylhelfdoes be afham'dwhenl think of it. 
 
 Scotchman. Stay till you hear me give a 
 Speecimen of Elocution. 
 
 Dick. What, with that Impediment, Sir ? 
 
 Scotchman. Impeediment ! what Impeedi- 
 
 ment ? I do no leefp do I ? 1 do no 
 
 fqueent I am well leem'd,, am I not r 
 
 Irijhmati. By my Shoul, if you go to that, 
 
 I am as well timber'd myfelf as any of them, 
 
 E and
 
 26 be APPRENTICE. 
 
 and mall make a Figure in genteel and top 
 
 Comedy. 
 
 Scotchman. I'll give you Speecimen of Mock- 
 beeth 
 
 Irijhman. Make Hafte, then, and I'll be- 
 gin Othollo. 
 
 Scotchman. Is this a Dagger that I fee be- 
 fore me, &c. 
 
 Irijhman. [collaring him.} * Willian, be fure 
 you prove my Love a Whore, 6? c . 
 
 [Another Member comes forward with his Face 
 powdered, and a Pipe in his Hand.] 
 
 I am thy Father's Spirit, Hamlet 
 
 Dick. Po ! Prithee ! you're not fat enough 
 for a Ghoft. 
 
 Memb. I intend to make my firft Appear- 
 ance in it for all that, only I'm puzzled a- 
 bout one Thing I want to know, when I 
 come on firft, whether I mould make a Bow 
 to the Audience ? 
 
 Another Memb. Now, Gentlemen, for the 
 true Way of Dying [Ipreads a Blanket.} 
 
 now for a little Phrenzy [Repeats a dying 
 
 Speech^ and rolls himfelfup in the Blanket.'] 
 
 [Watch behind the Scenes ; Paft Five o 'Clock, 
 cloudy Morning.'] 
 
 Dick. Hey! paft five o'Clock'Sdeath, I 
 fhall mifs my Appointment with Charlotte 
 I have ftaid too long, and mail lofe my Pro- 
 felyte Come, let us adjourn . 
 
 All. Ay, let us fally forth. 
 
 Irijhman. With all my Heart ; tho' I mould 
 have bodder'd 'em finely if they had ftaid. 
 
 Scotchman. I mould have meen'd in Moc- 
 
 Iceth * but never meend it I'll go 
 
 now 
 
 * Othello.
 
 *fhe APPRENTICE. 27 
 now to my Freend the Bookfeller, and tranf- 
 Jate Cornelius 'Tgcitus, or Grotiits de 'jure Belli, 
 and fo, Gentlemen, your Servant. 
 
 All. Huzza! Huzza 
 
 Dick. * We'll fcower the Watch Con- 
 
 fufion to Morality I wifh the Conftable 
 
 were married Huzza, Huzza 
 
 Irijhman. By my Shoul, myfhelf did not 
 care if I had a Wife, with a good Fortune, to 
 
 be hindering me from going on But no 
 
 matter I may meet with a willing Cratur 
 
 fomewhere [Exit Jinging. 
 
 All. Huzza, Huzza! . [Exeunt, 
 
 SCENE a Street. 
 
 Enter a Watchman. 
 
 Paft five o'Clock, cloudy Morning. Mercy 
 
 on us all mad I believe in this Houfe - 
 
 They're at this Trade three Nights in the 
 
 Week, I think Paft five o'Clock, 4 
 
 cloudy Morning. 
 
 All. Huzza, (without) 
 
 Watchman. What in the Name of Wonder 
 arc they all at ? 
 
 Hurra, Hurra, 'without. Enter the Sf outers* 
 
 Dick, -f Angels and Minifters of Grace de- 
 fend us. 
 
 E 2 I ft 
 
 Sir John Brute. t Hamlet.
 
 28 *The APPRENTICE, 
 
 i ft Memb. * By Heavens I'll tear you 
 Joint by Joint, and ftrew this hungry 
 Church-yard with your Limbs. 
 
 Dick. -}- Avant, and quit my Sight 
 
 thy Bones are marrowlefs There's no 
 
 Speculation in thofe Eyes, that thou doft 
 glare withal. 
 
 Watchman. Prithee, don't difturb the 
 Peace 
 
 A Member. J Be fure you write him down 
 an Afs. 
 
 Dick. Be alive again, and dare me to the 
 
 Dcfart with thy Pole, take any Shape 
 
 but that, and my firm Nerves mall never 
 tremble 
 
 Watchman. Soho f Soho ! 
 
 Enter Watchmen from all Parts, fome drunk, 
 feme coughing^ &c. 
 
 2d Watchman What's the Matter there ? 
 
 i ft Watchman. Here are the Diilurbers of 
 the Peace I charge 'em all 
 
 Dick. l| Urimanner'd Slave, advance your 
 Halbert higher than my Breaft, or by St. 
 Paul, I'll ftrike thee down, and fpurn thee, 
 Beggar, for this Infolence 
 
 [They fight, Dick is knocked down. Exeunt 
 Watchmen fighting the reft. 
 
 Dick. **I have it ; it will do , 'Egad 
 
 I'll make my Efcape now ^O I am For- 
 
 i unc's Fool [Exit. 
 
 Re- 
 
 * Romeo. f Macbeth. J Much ado 
 
 :>bout Nothing. f Macbeth. )j Richard. 
 
 * ' Romeo.
 
 APPRENTICE. 29 
 
 Re-enter Watchmen^ &c. 
 
 W&tchman. Come, bring 'em along - 
 i ft Memb. * Good Ruffians, hold awhile 
 2d Mcmb. f I am unfortunate, but not a- 
 {hamed of being fo 
 
 Watchman. Come, come, bring 'em along 
 
 [Exeunt. 
 
 SCENE, another Street, 
 
 Enter Dick, with a Lantborn and a Ladder. 
 
 All's quiet here ; the Coaft's clear ; -now 
 for my Adventure with Charlotte this Ladder 
 will do rarely for the Bufmefs tho* it would 
 be better, if it were a Ladder of Ropes 
 but hold ; have not I feen fomething like this 
 on the Stage ? yes I have in fome of the 
 Entertainments Ay, J I remember an Apo- 
 thecary, and hereabout he dwells this is my 
 Mafter Gargle's -, being dark, the Beggar's 
 Shop is ftiut what ho ! Apothecary but 
 foft, what light breaks thro' yonder Window 
 It is the Eaft, and Juliet is the Sun, arife 
 fair Sun, &c. 
 
 Charlotte. Who's there ? my Romeo ? 
 
 Dick. The fame my Love, if it not thee 
 difpleafe. 
 
 Charlotte. Hufh ! not fo loud, you'll waken 
 my Father. 
 
 Dick. Alas! there's more peril in thy Eye. 
 
 Char- 
 * Revenge, f Oroonoko. Romeo. Romeo.
 
 30 The APPRENTICE. 
 
 Charlotte. Nay, but prithee now I tell 
 you you'll fpoil all what made you flay fo 
 long ? 
 
 Dick. * Chide not my Fair, but let the 
 God of Love laugh in thy Eyes, and revel 
 in thy Heart. 
 
 Charlotte. As I am a living Soul, you'll 
 ruin every thing , be but quiet, and I'll come 
 down to you {Going. 
 
 Dick. No, no, not fo faft Charlotte let 
 us ad: the Garden Scene firft 
 
 Charlotte. A Fiddleftick for the Garden 
 Scene 
 
 Dick. Nay, then I'll aft Ranger up I go, 
 Neck or nothing. 
 
 Charlotte. Dear Heart* you're enough to 
 frighten a body out of one's Wits Don't 
 come up I tell you there's no occafion for 
 the Ladder I've fettled every thing with 
 Simon, and he's to let me thro' the Shop, when 
 he opens it. 
 
 Dick. Well, but I tell you I would not 
 give a Farthing for it without the Ladder, and 
 fo, up I go. 
 
 Enter Simon at the Door, 
 
 Simon. Sir, Sir, Madam, Madam 
 Dick. Prithee be quiet Sitnon I am afcend- 
 ing the high Top Gallant of my Joy 
 
 Simon. An't pleafe you Matter, my young 
 Miftrefs may come thro' the Shop I'am go- 
 ing to fweep it out, and me may Efcape 
 
 that way fail enow 
 
 Char- 
 
 * Fair Penitent.
 
 The APPRENTICE.' $f 
 
 Charlotte. That will do purely and fo do 
 you flay where you are, and prepare to re- 
 ceive me [Exit from above. 
 
 Dick. No, no, but that won't take you 
 fhan't hinder me from going thro* my Part 
 
 (goes up} * a Woman by all that's lucky 
 
 neither old nor crooked in I go 
 
 (goes in) and for Fear of the Purfuit of the 
 Family, I'll make fure of the Ladder. 
 
 Simon. Hift ! hift ! Mafter leave that 
 
 there to fave me from being fufpected 
 
 Dick. With all my Heart Simon 
 
 [Exit from above. 
 
 Simon alone. Lord love him, how comical 
 
 he is ! it will be fine for me, when we're 
 
 playing the Fool together, to call him Bro- 
 ther Martin. " -j- Brother Martin" 
 
 Enter Charlotte. 
 
 Charlotte. O Lud! I'm frighted out of my 
 Wits, where is he ? 
 
 Simon. He's a coming, Ma'am (calls 
 to him) " Brother Martin" 
 
 Enter Dick. 
 
 Dick. J Cuckold him, Ma'am, by all means 
 - I'm your Man. 
 
 Charlotte. Well now, I proteft and vow, I 
 wonder how you can ferve a Body fo 
 
 feel with what a Pit-a-pat Action my Heart 
 
 beats 
 
 Dick, 
 
 * Sufpicious Husband. f Stratagem. 
 
 J Suftncious Husband.
 
 32 f/je APPRENTICE. 
 
 Dick. * J Ti$ an Alarm to Love quick 
 let me fnatch thee to thy Romeo's Arms, &c. 
 
 Watchman behind the Scenes. Paft Six o'Clock, 
 and a cloudy Morning - - 
 
 Charlotte. Dear Heart, don't let us ftand 
 fooling here - as I live and breathe we 
 {hall both be taken - do for Heaven's 
 Sake let us make our Efcape. 
 
 Watch. Paft Six o'Clock, a cloudy Morn- 
 
 ing - ~ 
 
 Charlotte. It comes nearer and nearer ; let 
 
 us make off - 
 
 Dick. Give us your Hand then - - my 
 
 pretty little Adventurer I attend you. 
 
 f Yes, my dear Charlotte, we will go together, 
 Together to the Theatre we'll go, "> 
 
 There to their ravifh'd Eyes our Skill we'll / 
 mew, f 
 
 And point new Beauties to the Pit below. J 
 Simon. Heaven's blefs the Couple of 'em ; 
 
 but mum ! 
 
 \Exit> and Jhuts the Doors after him* 
 
 Enter Bailiff and his Follower. 
 
 Bailiff. That's he yonder, as fure as you're 
 alive Ay, it is and he has been about fome 
 Mifchief here. 
 
 Follower. No, no, that an't he that one 
 wears a laced Coat tho' I can't fay as fure 
 as a Gun, it is he 
 
 Bailiff. Ay, I fmoked him at once- - Do 
 you run that \Yay and Hop at the Bottom of 
 
 * Old Datchelor. | V]di Dlftref-'d
 
 APPRENTICE: 33 
 
 Catherine-Street , I'll go up Drury-Lane, and 
 between us both, it will be odds if we mifs 
 him. [Exeunt, 
 
 Enter Watchman. 
 
 Watch. Paft Six a Clock and a cloudy 
 Morning. Hey-day ! what's here, a Lad- 
 der, at Mafter Garglis Window ? 1 muft 
 
 alarm the Family Ho ! Mafter Gargle - 
 
 [Knocks at the Door. 
 
 Gargle above. What's the Matter? How 
 
 comes this Window to be open ? ha! 
 
 a Ladder ! Who's below there ? 
 
 i ft. Watch. I hope you an't robbed, Mafter 
 
 Gargle ? As I was going my Rounds, I 
 
 found your Window open. 
 
 Gargle. I fear this is fome of that young 
 
 Dog's Tricks Take away the Ladder ; I 
 
 muft enquire into all this. [Exit. 
 
 Enter Simon, tike Scrub. 
 
 Simon. * Thieves ! Murder ! Thieves ! 
 Popery ! 
 
 Watch. W T hat's the Matter with theJFellow ? 
 
 Simon. Spare all I have, and take my 
 Life 
 
 Watchman. Any Mifchief in the Houfc ? 
 
 Simon. They broke in with Fire and Sword 
 
 they'll be here this Minute Five 
 
 and forty this will do charmingly 
 
 *' my young Mafttr taught me this." [Afdc. 
 F ift 
 
 * Vide Stratagem.
 
 34 ffo APPRENTICE.' 
 
 i&Waicbman. What are there Thieves in the 
 
 Houfe ! 
 
 Simon. With Sword and Piftol, Sir, 
 
 Five and forty 
 
 Watch. Nay, then it's Time for me to go, 
 
 for mayhap I may come to ha* the 
 
 worft on't [Exit Watchman. 
 
 Enter Gargle. 
 
 Gargle. Dear Heart ! dear Heart . flic's 
 
 gone, flic's gone my Daughter ! my 
 
 Daughter ! what's the Fellow in fuch a 
 
 Fright for ? 
 
 Simon. Down on your Knees down 
 
 on your Marrowbones (this will make 
 
 him think, I know. nothing of the Matter- 
 
 Blefs his Heart for teaching me, Down on 
 
 your Marrow-bones. 
 
 Gargle. Get up, you Fool, get up*. 
 Dear Heart, I'm all in a Fermentation. 
 
 Enter Wingate, reading a News-Paper, 
 
 " Wanted, on good Security, Five hundred 
 <e Pounds, for which lawful Intereft will be 
 " given, and a good Prasmium allowed : 
 " Whoever this may fuit, Enquire for S. T< 
 " at the Crown and Rolls in Chancery-Lane" 
 This may be worth looking after. I'll have a 
 
 food Praemium If the Fellow's a Fool, I'll 
 x my Eye on him Other People's Follies 
 are an E'ftate to the Man that knows how to 
 make himfelf ufeful So, Friend Gargle^ 
 
 your up early, I fee nothing like rifmg 
 
 early
 
 fhe APPRENTICE.' 35 
 
 eatly nothing to be got by lying in Bed, 
 
 like a lubberly Fellow. What's the Matter 
 with you ! ha ! ha ! you look like a ha ! 
 ha! 
 
 Gargle. O no Wonder My Daughter, 
 my Daughter ! 
 
 Wingate. Your Daughter ! what fignifies - 
 afooliftiGirl? 
 
 Gargle. Oh dear Heart ! dear Heart ! 
 
 out of the Window 
 
 Wingate. Fallen out of the Window ! 
 well, fhe was a Woman, and it's no Matter 
 
 if fhe's dead, fhe's provided for. Here 
 
 I found the Book - could not meet with 
 
 it lad Night Here it is- there's more 
 
 Senfe in it, than in all their Macbeths and 
 their Trumpery (reads) Cocker's Arithmetick 
 
 look ye here now, Friend Gargle, >- 
 
 fuppofe you have the fixteenth Part of a 
 Ship, and I buy one fifth of you, what Share 
 of the Ship do I buy ? * 
 
 Gargle. Oh dear, Sir, it's a melancholy 
 Cafe 
 
 Wingate. A melancholy Cafe indeed to be 
 
 fo ignorant why mould not a Man 
 
 know every thing ? One Fifth of one 
 Sixteenth, what Part have I of the whole ? 
 Let me fee 111 do it a fhort Way. 
 
 Gargle. Loft beyond Redemption. 
 
 Wingate. Zookers, be quiet Man, you put 
 me out Seven Times Seven is Forty-nine, 
 and fix Times Twelve is Seventy-two, 
 and and and a Here, Friend Gargle, 
 take the Book and give it that Scoundrel of a 
 
 Fellow, i 
 
 F % Garble*
 
 36 The APPRENTICE. 
 
 Gargle. Lord, Sir, He's returned to his 
 Tricks. 
 
 Wingate. Returned to his Tricks ! What, 
 broke loofe again ? > - 
 
 Gargle. Ay, and carried off my Daughter 
 with him. 
 
 Wingate. Carried off your Daughter- 
 How did the Rafcal contrive that ? 
 
 Gargle. Oh, Dear Sir, the Watch 
 
 alarmed us a v/hile ago, and I found a Ladder 
 
 at the Window- fo I fuppofe my young 
 
 Madam made her Efcape that Way. 
 
 Wingate. Wounds ! what Bufmefs had the 
 Fellow with your Daughter ? 
 
 Gargle. I wifh I had never taken him into 
 my Houfe He may debauch the poor Girl 
 
 Wingate. And fuppofe he does (he's a 
 
 Woman an't me ? Ha ! ha ! Friend Gargle^ 
 Ha! ha! 
 
 Gargle. Dear Sir, how can you talk thus 
 to a Man diffracted ? 
 
 Wingate. I'll never fee the Fellow's Face. 
 
 Simon. Secrets ! Secrets ! -j- 
 
 Wingate. W T hat are you in the Secret, 
 Friend? 
 
 Simon. To be fure, there be Secrets in all 
 
 Families but, for my Part, I'll not fpeak 
 
 a WordPro or cen, till there's a Peace. 
 
 Wingate. You won't fpeak, Sirrah ! I'll 
 
 make you fpeak Do you know nothing of 
 
 this Numlkull ? 
 
 Siwcn. Who, I Sir ? He came home 
 
 laft Night from your Houfe, and went out 
 
 again directly* 
 
 Wingste* 
 f Vidt Stratagem.
 
 *The APPRENTICE. 37 
 
 . You faw him then 
 
 Simon. Yes Sir, faw him to be fure Sir 
 he made me open the Shop Door for him 
 he ftopp'd on the Threfhold and pointed at 
 pne of the Clouds and aiked me if it was not 
 like an Ouzel ? 
 
 Wingate. Like an ouzel? wounds ! what's 
 an Ouzel? 
 
 Gargle. And the young Dog came back in 
 the dead of Night to fteal away my Daughter. 
 
 Wingate. I'll tell you what Friend Gargle 
 I'll think no more of the Fellow let him bite 
 the Bridie I'll go mind my Bufmeis, and not 
 mifs an Opportunity. 
 
 Gargle. Good now Mr. Wingate, don't leave 
 me in this Affliction, confider when the 
 animal Spirits are properly employ'd, the 
 whole Syitem's exhilerated, a proper Circu- 
 lation in the fmaller Duels or Capillary Vef- 
 /els 
 
 Wingate. Look ye there now the Fellow's 
 at his Ducks again, ha ! ha ! 
 
 Gargle. But when the Spirits are under In- 
 
 Wingate. Ha ! ha ! what a fine Fellow you 
 are now ? you're as Mad with your Phyfical 
 Nonfenfe, as my Son with his Shakefpear and 
 Ben Tbompfon 
 
 Gargle. Dear Sir, let us go in queft of him 
 he mail be well Phlebotomized, and for 
 the future Fil keep his Solids and Fluids in 
 proper Ballancc 
 
 Wingate. Don't tell me of your Solids 
 J tell you he'll never be Solid and fo I'll go 
 
 and 
 * Hamlet. 
 
 92306
 
 38 The APPRENTICE. 
 
 and mind my Bufmefs - let me fee where 
 is this chap - (reads) ay, ay, at the 
 Crown and Rolls - good morning Friend 
 Gargle - don't plague yourfelf about the 
 Numfkull - fludy Fractions Man ; Vul- 
 gar Fractions will carry you thro* the World, 
 Arithmetical Proportion is when the Ante- 
 cedent and Confequent, a (going- 
 
 Enter a Porter. 
 
 Wingate. Who are you pray ?-- -what do 
 you want ? - 
 
 Porter. Is one Mr. Gargle here ? 
 
 Gargle. Yes - who wants him ? - - 
 
 Porter. Here's a Letter for you ? - 
 
 Gargle. Let me lee it. O dear Heart ! 
 (reads) To Mr. Gargle at the Peftle and Mortar 
 - - r'Slidikins, this is a Letter from that 
 unfortunate young Fellow - 
 
 Wingate. Let me fee it Gargle- 
 
 Gargle. A moments patience good Mr. 
 Wingate, and this may unravel all (reads)- 
 Poor young Man ! - his Brain is certain- 
 !y turned - 1 can't make Head or Tale of 
 k - 
 
 Wingate. Ha ! ha ! you're a pretty Fel- 
 lowgive it me man- I'll make it out for 
 you 'tis his Hand lure enough (reads) 
 To Mr. Gargle, &c. 
 
 " Moft potent, Grave * and Reverend D offer, 
 " y very noble and approved good Mafter, that- 
 " I have fa' en a\vay your Daughter it is mo ft 
 " .true % true I will Many her; j -~-'t?s tr.ue '>/> 
 
 Cthello, t Hamlet.
 
 APPRENTICED 39 
 
 ** Pity, and Pity 'tis, 'tis true."- What in 
 the name of Common Senfe is all this ? '* * / 
 <l have done your Shop feme Service, and you 
 *' know it, no more of that ~\ yet I could wijh t 
 < that at this 'Time^ I had not been this Thing 
 
 cc what can the Fellow mean ? For 
 
 ' Time"^ may have yet one fated Hour to come 
 " which winged with Liberty may overtake oc- 
 
 *' cafion paft" overtake occafion paft ! 
 
 Time and Tide waits for no Man " I ex- 
 
 peft redrefs from thy noble Sorrows thine 
 
 and my poor Countries ever" R. Wingate. 
 
 Mad as a March Hare ! I have done with 
 
 him let him (lay till the Shoe pinches, 
 
 a crack-brained Numfkull ! 
 
 Porter. An't pleafe ye Sir, I fancys the 
 
 Gentleman is a little belide himfelf . 
 
 he took hold un me here by the Collar, and 
 called me Villain** and bid me prove his Wife 
 
 a Whore Lord help him, I never fee'd 
 
 the Gentleman's Spoufe in my born Days be- 
 fore. 
 
 Gargle. Is me with him now ? 
 
 Porter. I believe fo There a likely 
 
 young Woman with him all in Tears 
 
 Gargle. My Daughter to be fure 
 
 Wingate. Let the Fellow go and be hang'cl 
 
 Wounds ! I would not go the Length of 
 
 my Arm to fave the Villain from the Gallows, 
 where was he, Friend, when he gave vow 
 this Letter ? 
 
 Porter. I fancy, Mailer, the Gentleman's 
 
 under 
 
 * Othello. f Mourning Bride. J Ditto. 
 
 Venice Preferv'd. \ Macbeth. ** Othello.
 
 40 tte APPRENTICE. 
 
 under Troubles 1 brought it from $ 
 
 Spunging-Houfe. 
 
 Wingate. From a Spunging-Houfe ! 
 
 Porter. Yes, Sir, in Grays- Inn-Lane. 
 
 Wingate. Let him lie there, let him lie 
 there I am glad of it 
 
 Gargle. Do my dear Sir, let us ftep to 
 him 
 
 Wingate. No, not I, let him ftay there . 
 
 this it is to have a Genius ha ! ha ! 
 
 a Genius ! ha ! ha ! a Genius is a 
 
 fine Thing indeed ! ha ! ha ! [Exif. 
 
 Gargle. Poor Man ! he has certainly a Fe- 
 ver on his Spirits - do you ftep in with me, 
 honeft Man, till I flip on my Coat, and then 
 I'll go after this unfortunate Boy. 
 
 Porter. Yes, Sir, it's in Grays-inn-Lane. 
 
 [Exeunt. 
 
 Scene a Spunging-Houfe, Dick and Bailiff at a 
 'Table, and Charlotte fitting in a difconfola t 
 Manner by him. 
 
 Bailiff. Here's my Service to you young 
 
 Gentleman Don't be uneafy the 
 
 Debt is not much why do you look fo 
 
 fad? 
 
 Dick. Becaufe * Captivity has robb'd me 
 of a juft and dear Diverfion. 
 
 Bailiff. Never look fulky at me I never 
 ufe any body ill Come, it has been many 
 a good Man's Lot here's my Service to 
 you but we've no Liquor come, we'll 
 
 have t'other Bowl 
 
 Dick. 
 
 * Mourning Bride,
 
 f fhe APPRENTICE. 41 
 
 Dick. * I've now not fifty Ducats in thd 
 World yet flill I am in Love, and pleas'd 
 with Ruin 
 
 Bailiff. What do you fay ? you've fifty- 
 Shillings, I hope. 
 
 Dick, -f Now thank Heaven ! I'm not worth 
 a Groat 
 
 Bailiff. Then there's no Credit here, I can 
 tell you that you muft get Bail, or go to 
 Newgate who do you think is to pay 
 Houfe-rent for you ? You fee your Friends 
 
 won't come near you They've all 
 
 anfwered in the old Cant " fve pro- 
 
 <c mifed my Wife never to be Bail for any Body,* 
 
 Or, *' Pve fworn not to do it" or " Pd lend 
 
 *' you the Money if I bad //, but defire to be ex- 
 
 " cufed from bailing any Man. The Porter 
 
 you juft now fent, will bring the fame An- 
 
 fwer, I warrant Such Poverty-flruck 
 
 Devils as you fhan't ftay in my Houfe 
 
 you mall go to uod, I can tell you that 
 [Knocking- at the Deer. 
 
 Bailiff. Coming, coming, I am coming 
 I fliall lodge you in Newgate, I promile you, 
 
 before Night, not worth a Groat ! 
 
 you're a fine Fellow to ftay in a Man's Houfe 
 You mail go to >uod. [Exit. 
 
 Dick. Come, clear up, Charlotte, never 
 
 mind this come, now let us aft the 
 
 Prifen-Scene in the Mourning-Bride - 
 
 Charlotte. How can you think of acting 
 Speeches, when we're in fach Diftrefs ? 
 
 Dick. Nay, but my dear Angel. 
 
 G Enter 
 
 * Venice PrefervM, t Ditto.
 
 42 lie APPRENTICE. 
 
 Enter Wingate and Gargle. 
 
 Gargle. Hum ! Do, dear Sir, let us liften to 
 him I dare fay he repents - 
 
 Wingate. Wounds ! - what Cloaths are 
 thofe the Fellow has on ? - Zookers, the 
 Scoundrel has robbed me. - 
 
 Dick. Come, now we'll practice an Atti- 
 tude How many of 'em have you ? - 
 
 Charlotte. Let me fee one two three- 
 and then in the fourth Adi, and then - O 
 Gemini I have ten at leaft - 
 
 Dick. That will do fwimmingly - I've a 
 round Dozen myfelf- - Come now begin- - 
 you fancy me dead, and I think the fame of 
 you now mind - \Theyftand in Attitudes, 
 
 Wingate. Only mind the Villain. - 
 
 Dick. O thou foft fleeting Form of Linda- 
 mira ! - 
 
 Charlotte. * Illufive Shade of my beloved 
 Lord! 
 
 Dick, -f She lives, fhe {peaks and we mail 
 ftill be happy. 
 
 You lye you Villain, you fhan't 
 be happy. - [Knocks him down. 
 
 Dick, (on the Ground.}^ Perdition catch your 
 Arm, the Chance is thine. - 
 
 Gargle. So my young Madam I have found 
 you again. - 
 
 Dick. \\ Capulet forbear ; Paris let loofe your 
 Hold -- She is my Wife - our Hearts are 
 twined together. - 
 
 Wingate, 
 
 * Romeo and Juliet. t Ditto, \ Richard HI. 
 I) Romeo
 
 The APPRENTICE. 43 
 
 IVingate. Sirrah! Villain! I'll break every 
 Bone in your Body [Strikes. 
 
 Dick. * Parents have flinty Hearts, no Tears 
 can move 'em : Children muft be wretched 
 
 Wingate. Get off the Ground, you Villain ; 
 get off the Ground. - 
 
 Dick. It's a Pity there are no Scene-drawers 
 to lift me - 
 
 IVingate. A Scoundrel, to rob your Father -, 
 you Rafcal I've a Mind to break your Head. 
 
 Dick, t What, like this ? [fakes off his JVig y 
 andfiews two P fitches on his Head.] 
 
 Wingate. It's mighty well, young Man 
 Zookers ! I made my own Fortune ; and I'll 
 take a Boy out of the Rlne-coat-Hcfyitd, and 
 give him all I have. Look-ye here, Friend 
 Gurgle You know I'm not a hard-hearted 
 Man The Scoundrel, you know, has robbed 
 me ; fo, d'ye fee, I won't hang him, - I'll 
 only tranfport the Fellow - And fo, Mr. 
 Catchpole^ you may take him to Newgate. 
 
 Gargle. Well but, Dear Sir, you know I 
 always intended to marry my Daughter into 
 your Family, and if you let the young Man 
 be ruined, my Money mult all go into ano- 
 ther Channel. - 
 
 Wingate. How's that ? into another Chan- 
 nel ! - Muft not lofe the handling of his 
 Money - Why, I told you, Friend Gargle^ 
 I'm not a hard-hearted Man.- - 
 
 Gargle. Why no, Sir but your Pafilons 
 However, if you will but make the young 
 Gentleman ferve out the laft Year of his Ap- 
 prenticefhip, you know I fhall be giving over,, 
 and I may put him into all my Practice. 
 G 2 
 
 * Romeo and Juliet. f Barbarofla.
 
 44 ?fo APPRENTICE. 
 
 Wingate. Ha ! ha ! Why if the Block, 
 head would but get as many crabbed phyfical 
 Words from Hypocrites and Allen^ as he has 
 from his nonfenfical Trumpery, ha! ha! I 
 don't know, between you and I, but he might 
 pafs for a very good Phyfician. 
 
 Dick. * And muft I leave thee, Juliet ? 
 
 Charlotte. Nay, but, prithee now have 
 done v/ith your Speeches . You fee we are 
 brought to the laft Diftrefs, and fo you had 
 better make it up \Afide to Dick. 
 
 Dick. Why for you're Sake, my Dear, I 
 could almoft find it in my Heart-r 
 
 Wingate. You'll fettle your Money on your 
 Daughter ? 
 
 Gargle. You know it was always my Inten- 
 tion. 
 
 Wingate. I muft not let the Cam flip thro* 
 my Hands : (Afide.} Look-ye here, young 
 
 Man 1 am the beft-natured Man in the 
 
 W T orld How came this Debt, Friend ? 
 
 Bailiff. The Gentleman gave his Note at 
 Briftol, I underftands, where he boarded 
 'tis but twenty Pounds. 
 
 Wingate. Twenty Pounds! Well, why don't 
 you fend to your Friend Shakefpear now to bail 
 you ha ! ha ! I mould like to fee Shahfpear 
 give Bail ha ! ha ! Mr. Catcbpole, will you 
 take Bail of Ben Tbcmpfon, and Shake fpear and 
 Ody/ey Popes ? 
 
 Bailiff. No fuch People have been here, 
 Sir are they Houfc-keepers ? 
 
 Dick, f You do not come to mock my 
 Miferies ? 
 
 Gargle. Hufh ! young man, you'll fpoil all- 
 Let me fpeak to you How is your Digeftion ? 
 
 Dick. 
 
 * Romeo and Juliet, f Mourning-Bride,
 
 APPRENTICE. 45 
 
 "Dick. *Throw Phyfic to the Dogs, I'll none 
 pf it 
 
 Charlotte. Nay, but dearD;V for my Sake- 
 
 Wingate. What fays he, Gargle 
 
 Gargle. He repents, Sir he'll reform. 
 Wingate. That's right Lad now you're 
 right and if you will but ferve out your 
 Time, my Friend Gargle here, will make a 
 
 Man of you -Wounds ! you'll have his 
 
 Daughter and all his Money And if I hear 
 no more of your Trumpery, and you mind 
 your Buflnefs, and flick to my little Charlotte* 
 and make me a Grandfather in my old Days, 
 Egad, you mail have all mine too that is 
 
 when I'm dead. 
 
 Dick. Charlotte^ that will do rarely, and 
 
 we may go to the Play as often as we pleafe 
 
 Charlotte. O Gemini^ it will be the pureft 
 
 Thing in the World, and we'll fee Romeo and 
 
 'Juliet every Time it is a6led. 
 
 Dick. Ay, and that will be a hundred Times 
 jn a Seafon at leaft. Befides, it will be like 
 2 Play, if I reform at the End -}- Sir, free 
 me fo far in your moil generous Thoughts, 
 that I have mot my Arrow o'er the Houfe, 
 
 and hurt my Brother 
 
 Wingate. What do you fay, Friend ? 
 Charlotte. Nay, but prithee now do it in 
 plain Englijh 
 
 Dick. Well, well, I will He knows 
 
 nothing of Metaphors Sir, you {hall find 
 
 for the future, that we'il both endeavour to 
 give you all the Satisfaction in our Power. 
 
 Wingate. Very well, that's right you 
 
 may do very well Friend Gargle^ I'm over- 
 
 joy'd 
 
 Gargle. 
 * Macbeth. | Hamlet.
 
 46 )$ APPRENTICE.' 
 
 Gargle. Chearfulnefs, Sir, is the principal 
 Ingredient in the Compofition of Health. 
 
 Wingate. Wounds ! Man, let's hear no 
 more of your Phyfick here, young Man, 
 put this Book in your Pocket, and let me fee 
 how foon you'll be Mailer of Vulgar Frac- 
 tions. Mr. Catchpole^ ftep home with me, 
 
 and I'll pay you the Money you feem to 
 
 be a notable Sort of a Fellow, Mr. Catchpole^ 
 could you nab a Man for me ? 
 
 Catchpole. Fail enough, Sir, when 
 
 I've the Writ 
 
 Wingate. Very well, come along 1 lent 
 
 a young Gentleman a Hundred Pounds, a 
 
 cool Hundred he call'd it ha ! ha ! it 
 
 did not ilay to cool with him I had a 
 
 good Premium -, but I iha'n't wait a Mo- 
 ment for that come along, young Man ; 
 
 what Right have you to twenty Pounds ? 
 
 give you twenty Pounds ! 1 never 
 
 was obliged to my Family for twenty Pounds 
 
 but I'll fay no more if you have 
 
 a Mind to thrive in this World, make your- 
 felf nfeful, is the Golden Rule. 
 
 Dick. My dear Charlotte, as you are to be 
 my Reward, I will be a new Man 
 
 Charlotte. Well, now I fhall fee how much 
 you love me 
 
 Dick. It fhall be my Study to deferve you 
 and fmce we do'n't, go on the Stage, it's 
 fome Comfort that the World's a Stage, and 
 all the Men and Women merely Players. 
 
 orne pny the T'rpcr, fomc the under P <::';':, 
 And mo:: siuirne what's foreign td their Hearts : 
 Thus, Life is but a Tragi-co;~:c.Jc(t, 
 And aii is Farce and Mummery ut belt. 
 
 E P I-
 
 EPILOGUE 
 
 written 
 
 by a FRIEND, 
 fpoken 
 
 by Mrs. C L I V E. 
 
 [Enters reading the Play-Bill.] 
 
 A Very jretty Bill, as Pm alive f 
 ** The Part of Nobody by Mrs. Clive ! 
 ji paltry, fcribling Fool to leave me out 
 Hill fay, perhaps he thought I could not Spout, 
 Malice and Envy to the laft Degree ! 
 And tvty ? / wrote a Farce as nuell as He. 
 And fairly venturd it, without the Aid "\ 
 
 Qf Prologue drefid in black, and Face in Mafquerade ; C 
 
 Pit have P<ty fee how I'm difmayd! J 
 Poor Soul / this canting Stuff it 1 /// never do, 
 
 Unltfs, like Bay's, he brings bis Hangman too. 
 
 But granting that from thcfefame Obfequies, 
 
 Some Pickings to our Bard in black arife ; 
 
 Should your ApflaU/t to Joy convert his Fear, 
 
 As P alias turns to Feajl Lardella's Bier ; 
 
 Yet *tfOfOtdd have been a better Scheme by half 
 
 T'have thrown his Weeds ajide, and learnt ivita me to laugh* 
 
 1 could have Jhev:n him, bad he been inclind, 
 A /pouting Junto of the Female Kind. 
 
 There dwells a Milliner in yonder Row, 
 Wcll-drefid, full voicd, and nobly built for St>e-~ju, 
 Who, <wben in Rage, Jke fcolds at Sue and Sarah, 
 JDamn'd, Damn'd DilTembl.T ! tkivks JJ.-e's nitre than 
 ZARA.
 
 EPILOGUE, 
 
 She has a Daughter too that deals in Lace, 
 
 Andfer.gs O Ponder well and Chevy Chafe, 
 
 And fain would Jill the fair Ophelia'j Place. 
 
 And in her cock't up Hat, *wd 'Gown ofCarnblet, 
 
 Prefumes on fomething touching the Lord Hamlet. 
 
 A Coujin tob Jhe has, with fquinting Eyes, 
 
 With wadling Gait, and Voice like London Cries j 
 
 Who, fcr the Stage too Jhart by half a Story, 
 
 Afts Lady Townly thus in all her Glory. 
 
 And, while Jhes trawerfing her fcanty Room, 
 
 Cries " Lord, my Lord, 'what can I do at home ! " 
 
 In Jhort, there s Girls enough for all the Fellows, 
 
 The Ranting, Whining, Starting^ and the Jealous t 
 
 The Hot/furs, Romeos, Hamlets, and Othellos. 
 
 Ob! Little do thofi filly People know, 
 
 What dreadful Trials - Afiors undergo. 
 
 My f elf ivhomojl in Harmony delight, 
 
 Am Jcclding here from Morning until Night. 
 
 Then take Advice from me, ye giddy Things, 
 
 Ye Royal Milleners, ye apron d Kings ; 
 
 Young Men be^vare and foitn our fiif/ry Ways, 
 
 Study Arithmetic, and burn your Plays ; 
 
 And you, ye Girls, let not our Tinfel Train 
 
 Enchant your Eyes, and turn ycur maddening Brain 3 
 
 Be timely tuzfe, for oh I be fur e of this ! 
 
 A Shop with Virtue, is the Height of Blifs. 
 
 FINIS.
 
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