POCKET EDITION KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK c3* BY WASHINGTON IRVING a* VOL. n. Wew Ifforft anO atonSon n^ 57 of pleasing nobody. There is nothing, too, like putting down one's foot resolutely when in doubt, and letting things take their course. The clock that stands still points right twice in the four-and-twenty hours, while others may keep going continually and be continually going wrong. Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the discernment of the good people of Nieuw Neder- landts ; on the contrary, so much were they struck with the independent will and vigorous resolution displayed on all occasions by their new governor, that they universally called him Hard-Koppig Piet, or Peter the Headstrong, — a great compliment to the strength of his un- derstanding. If, from all that I have said, thou dost not gather, worthy reader, that Peter Stuyvesant was a rough, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, mettlesome, obstinate, leathern-sided, lion- hearted, generous-spirited old governor, either I have written to but little purpose, or thou art very dull at drawing conclusions. This most excellent governor commenced his administration on the 29th of May, 1647, — a remarkably stormy day, distinguished in all the almanacs of the time which have come down to us by the name of Windy Friday. As he was very jealous of his personal and oflScial dignity, 58 Ibistorg of naew l^orft he was inaugurated into office with great cere- mony, — the goodly oaken chair of the re- nowned Wouter Van Twiller being carefully preserved for such occasions, in like manner as the chair and stone were reverentially preserved at Schone, in Scotland, for the coronation of the Caledonian monarchs. I must not omit to mention that the tem- pestuous state of the elements, together with its being that unlucky day of the week termed "hanging-day," did not fail to excite much grave speculations and divers very reasonable apprehensions among the more ancient and enlightened inhabitants ; and several of the sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little skilled in the mystery of astrology and fortune- telling, did declare outright that they were omens of a disastrous administration, — an event that came to be lamentably verified, and which proves beyond dispute the wisdom of attending to those preternatural intimations furnished by dreams and visions, the flying of birds, fall- ing of stones, and cackling of geese, on which the sages and rulers of ancient times placed such reliance ; or to those shootings of stars, eclipses of the moon, bowlings of dogs, and flarings of candles, carefully noted and inter- preted by the oracular sibyls of our day, — who, in my humble opinion, are the legitimate in- CbreatencD Danger 59 heritors and preservers of the ancient science of divination. This much is certain, that Gov- ernor Stuyvesant succeeded to the chair of state at a turbulent period : when foes thronged and threatened from without ; when anarchy and stiflf-necked opposition reigned rampant within; when the authority of their High Mightinesses the Lords States-General, though supported by economy and defended by speech- es, protests, and proclamations, yet tottered to its very centre ; and when the great city of New Amsterdam, though fortified by flag-staffs, trumpeters, and windmills, seemed, like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to attack, and ready to yield to the first invader. CHAPTER II. SHOWING HOW PETER THE HEADSTRONG BE- STIRRED HIMSEI.F AMONG THE RATS AND COBWEBS ON ENTERING INTO OFFICE — HIS INTERVIEW WITH ANTONY THE TRUMP- ETER, AND HIS PERII^OUS MEDDI^ING WITH THE CURRENCY. THB very first movements of the great Peter, on taking the reins of government, dis- played his magnanimity, though they occa- sioned not a little marvel and uneasiness among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding him- self constantly interrupted by the opposition, and annoyed by the advice of his privy council, the members of which had acquired the unrea- sonable habit of thinking and speaking for themselves during the preceding reign, he de- termined at once to put a stop to such grievous abominations. Scarcely, therefore, had he entered upon his authority, than he turned out DlGorous /Bbeasures 6i of office all the meddlesome spirits of the fac- tious cabinet of William the Testy ; in place of whom he chose unto himself counsellors from those fat, somniferous, respectable burghers who had flourished and slumbered under the easy- reign of Walter the Doubter. All these he caused to be furnished with abundance of fair long pipes, and to be regaled with frequent corporation dinners, admonishing them to smoke, and eat, and sleep for the good of the nation, while he took the burden of govern- ment upon his own shoulders, — an arrangement to which they all gave hearty acquiescence. Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout among the inventions and expedients of his learned predecessor, — rooting up his patent gal- lows, where caitiff vagabonds were suspended by the waistband, — demolishing his flag-staffs and windmills, which, like mighty giants, guarded the ramparts of New Amsterdam, — pitching to the duj^el whole batteries of quaker guns, — and, in a word, turning topsy-turvy the whole philosophic, economic, and windmill system of the immortal sage of Saardam. The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of their matchless cham- pion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired prodigious favor in the eyes of the women, by means of his whiskers and his trumpet. Him 62 1bl6torg of IFlcw l^orft did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought into his presence, and eying him for a moment from head to foot, with a countenance that would have appalled any thing else than a sounder of brass, — "Pr'ylhee, who and what art thou?" said he. ** Sire," replied the other, in no wise dismayed, ** for my name, it is Antony Van Cor- lear ; for my parentage, I am the son of my mother ; for my profession, I am champion and garrison of this great city of New Amsterdam." "I doubt me much," said Peter Stuyvesant, **that thou art some scurvy costard-monger knave. How didst thou acquire this paramount honor and dignity ? " "Marry, sir, " replied the other, "like many a great man before me, simply by sounding my own trutnpet.''^ *' Ay, is it so ? " quoth the governor ; "why, then, let us have a relish of thy art. " Whereupon the good Antony put his instrument to his lip, and sounded a charge with such a tremendous outset, such a delectable quaver, and such a triumphant cadence, that it was enough to make one's heart leap out of one's mouth only to be within a mile of it. Like as a war-worn charger, grazing in peaceful plains, starts at a strain of martial music, pricks up his ears, and snorts, and paws, and kindles at the noise, so did the heroic Peter joy to hear the clangor of the trumpet ; for of him might truly be said, what was recorded of the peter anD Bntonis 63 renowned St. George of England, "there was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart than to hear the pleasant sound of war, and see the soldiers brandish forth their steeled weapons." Casting his eye more kindly, there- fore, upon the sturdy Van Corlear, and finding him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in his discourse, yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he straightway conceived a vast kindness for him, and discharging him from the troublesome duty of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, ever after retained him about his person, as his chief favorite, confidential envoy, and trusty squire. Instead of disturbing the city with dis- astrous notes, he was instructed to play so as to dehght the governor while at his repasts, as did the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious chivalry, and on all public occasions to rejoice the ears of the people with warlike melody, — thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit. But the measure of the valiant Peter which produced the greatest agitation in the commu- nity, was his laying his hand on the currency. He had old-fashioned notions in favor of gold and silver, which he considered the true standards of wealth and mediums of commerce ; and one of his first edicts was, that all duties to govern- ment should be paid in those precious metals, 64 Iblstors of naew l^orft and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer be a legal tender. Here was a blow at public prosperity ! All those who speculated on the rise and fall of this fluctuating currency, found their calling at an end ; those, too, who had hoarded Indian money by barrels full, found their capital shrunk in amount ; but, above all, the Yankee traders, who were accustomed to flood the market with newly coined oyster-shells, and to abstract Dutch mer- chandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in de- crying this "tampering with the currency." It was clipping the wings of commerce ; it was checking the development of public prosperity ; trade would be at an end ; goods would moulder on the shelves ; grain would rot in the granaries ; grass would grow in the market-place. In a word, no one who has not heard the outcries and bowlings of a modern Tarshish, at any check upon ** paper-money," can have any idea of the clamor against Peter the Headstrong, for check- ing the circulation of oyster-shells. In fact, trade did sink into narrower chan- nels ; but then the stream was deep as it was broad ; the honest Dutchmen sold less goods ; but then they got the worth of them, either in silver and gold, or in codfish, tin-ware, apple- brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and other articles of Yankee barter. The in- "dCloo&cn tiutmcQe 65 genious people of the east, however, indemnified themselves another way for having to abandon the coinage of oyster-shells ; for about this time we are told that wooden nutmegs made their first appearance in New Amsterdam, to the great annoyance of the Dutch housewives. NOTE. From a manuscript record of the province ; Lib. N. Y. Hist. Society. — We have been unable to render your in- habitants wiser and prevent their being further imposed upon than to declare absolutely and peremptorily that henceforward seawant shall be bullion, — not longer ad- missible in trade, without any value, as it is indeed. So that every one may be upon his guard to barter no longer away his wares and merchandises for these bubbles, — at least not to accept them at a higher rate, or in a larger quantity, than as they may want them in their trade with the savages. In this way your English (Yankee) neighbors shall no longer be enabled to draw the best wares and merchan- dises from our country for nothing, — the beavers and furs not excepted. This has indeed long since been insuffer- able, although it ought chiefly to be imputed to the im- prudent penuriousness of our own merchants and in- habitants, who, it is to be hoped, shall, through the abolition of this seawant, become wiser and more prudent. 27th January, 1662. Seawant falls into disrepute ; duties to be paid in silver CHAPTER III. HOW THE YANKEE IvEAGUE WAXED MORE AND MORE POTENT ; AND HOW IT OUTWITTED THE GOOD PETER IN TREATY-MAKING. NOW it came to pass that, while Peter Stuy- vesant was busy regulating the internal afifairs of his domain, the great Yankee league, which had caused such tribulation to William the Testy, continued to increase in extent and power. The grand Amphictyonic council of the league was held at Boston, where it spun a web, which threatened to link within it all the mighty principalities and powers of the east. The object proposed by this formidable combi- nation was mutual protection and defence against their savage neighbors ; but all the world knows the real aim was to form a grand crusade against the Nieuw Nederlandts, and to get possession of the city of the Manhattoes, — as devout an object of enterprise and ambition to the Yankees as was ever the capture of Jeru- salem to ancient crusaders. •KboDe lIslanD petition 67 In the very year following the inauguration of Governor Stuyvesant, a grand deputation departed from the city of Providence (famous for its dusty streets and beauteous women) in behalf of the plantation of Rhode Island, pray- ing to be admitted into the league. The following minute of this deputation ap- peared in the ancient records of the council.* "Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of Rhoode Island presented this insewing re- quest to the commissioners in wrighting — " Our request and motion is in behalfe of Rhoode Hand, that wee the Ilauders of Roode- Iland may be rescauied into combination with all the united colonyes of New England in a firme and perpetual league of friendship and amity of ofence and defence, mutuall advice and succor upon all just occasions for our mu- tuall safety and wellfaire, etc. " WiLi. Cottington. " AwcxsANDER Partridg." There was certainly something in the very physiognomy of this document that might well inspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, however misspelt, has been warlike in every age ; and though its fierceness is in some meas- ure softened by being coupled with the gentle • Haz. Col. Stat. Pap. 68 Distort of IRcw l^orFi cognomen of Partridge, still, like the color of scarlet, it bears an exceeding great resemblance to the sound of a trumpet. From the style of the letter, moreover, and the soldier-like igno- rance of orthography displayed by the noble Captain Alicxsander Partridg in spelling his own name, we may picture to ourselves this mighty man of Rhodes, strong in arms, potent in the field, and as great a scholar as though he had been educated among that learned people of Thrace, who, Aristotle assures us, could not count beyond the nimiber four. The result of this great Yankee league was augmented audacity on the part of the moss- troopers of Connecticut, — pushing their en- croachments farther and farther into the terri- tories of their High Mightinesses, so that even the inhabitants of New Amsterdam began to draw short breath and to find themselves ex- ceedingly cramped for elbow-room. Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit quietly to such intrusions ; his first impulse was to march at once to the frontier and kick these squatting Yankees out of the country ; but, bethinking himself in time that he was now a governor and legislator, the policy of the statesman for once cooled the fire of the old soldier, and he determined to try his hand at negotiation. A correspondence accordingly f)an3 IRelnier ©otbout 69 ensued between him and the grand council of the league, and it was agreed that commissioners from either side should meet at Hartford, to settle boundaries, adjust grievances, and estab- lish a " perpetual and happy peace." The commissioners on the part of the Man- hattoes were chosen, according to immemorial usage of that venerable metropolis, from among the "wisest and weightiest" men of the com- munity, that is to say, men with the oldest heads and heaviest pockets. Among these sages the veteran navigator, Hans Reinier Oothout, who had made such extensive discov- eries during the time of Oloffe the Dreamer, was looked up to as an oracle in all matters of the kind ; and he was ready to produce the very spy-glass with which he first spied the mouth of the Connecticut River from his mast-head ; and all the world knows the discovery of the mouth of a river gives prior right to all the lands drained by its waters. It was with feelings of pride and exultation that the good people of the Manhattoes saw two of the richest and most ponderous burghers departing on this embassy, — men whose word on 'change was oracular, and in whose presence no poor man ventured to appear without taking off his hat ; when it was seen, too, that the vet- eran Reinier Oothout accompanied them with 70 1b(6torg ot Bew ^oxU his spy-glass under his arm, all the old men and old women predicted that men of such weight, with such evidence, would leave the Yankees no alternative but to pack up their tin kettles and wooden wares, put wife and chil- dren in a cart, and abandon all the lands of their High Mightinesses on which they had squatted. In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford by the league seemed in no wise calculated to compete with men of such capacity. They were two lean Yankee lawyers, litigious-look- ing varlets, and evidently men of no substance, since they had no rotundity in the belt, and there was no jingling of money in their pock- ets ; it is true, they had longer heads than the Dutchmen ; but if the heads of the latter were flat at top, they were broad at bottom, and what was wanting in height of forehead was made up by a double chin. The negotiation turned as usual upon the good old comer-stone of original discovery, — according to the principle that he who first sees a new country has an unquestionable right to it This being admitted, the veteran Oothout, at a concerted signal, stepped forth in the assembly with the identical tarpauling spy- glass in his hand with which he had discovered the mouth of the Connecticut, while the worthy Dutch commissioners lolled back in their chairs, secretly chuckling at the idea of having for once got the weather-gage of the Yankees ; but what was their dismay when the latter pro- duced a Nantucket whaler with a spy-glass twice as long, with which he discovered the whole coast, quite down to the Manhattoes, and so crooked that he had spied with it up the whole course of the Connecticut River. This principle pushed home, therefore, the Yankees had a right to the whole country bordering on the Sound ; nay, the city of New Amsterdam was a mere Dutch squatting-place on their ter- ritories. I forbear to dwell upon the confusion of the worthy Dutch commissioners at finding their main pillar of proof thus knocked from under them; neither will I pretend to describe the consternation of the wise men at the Manhat- toes when they learned how their commissioners had been out-trumped by the Yankees, and how the latter pretended to claim to the very gates of New Amsterdam. Long was the negotiation protracted, and long was the public mind kept in a state of anxiety. There are two modes of settling boundary ques- tions when the claims of the opposite are irrec- oncilable. One is by an appeal to arms, in which case the weakest party is apt to lose its 72 1b(0torg ot 1FICW l^orf; right, and get a broken head in the bargain ; the other mode is by compromise, or mutual concession, — that is to say, one party cedes half of its claims, and the other party half of its rights ; he who grasps most gets most, and the whole is pronounced an equitable division, ** perfectly honorable to both parties." The latter mode was adopted in the present instance. The Yankees gave up claims to vast tracts of the Nieuw Nederlandts, which they had never seen, and all right to the land of Mannahata and the city of New Amsterdam, to which they had no right at all; while the Dutch, in return, agreed that the Yankees should retain possession of the frontier places where they had squatted, and of both sides of the Connecticut River. When the news of this treaty arrived at New Amsterdam the whole city was in an uproar of exultation. The old women rejoiced that there was to be no war ; the old men that their cab- bage-gardens were safe from invasion ; while the political sages pronounced the treaty a great triumph over the Yankees, considering how much they had claimed, and how little they had been " fobbed off with." And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the great and good Peter, congratulating him- self with the idea that his feelings will no tTrcatg ot peace 73 longer be harassed by afflicting details of stolen horses, broken heads, impounded hogs, and all the other catalogue of heart-rending cruelties that disgraced these border wars. But if he should indulge in such expectations, it is a proof that he is but little versed in the para- doxical ways of cabinets, to convince him of which I solicit his serious attention to my next chapter, wherein I will show that Peter Stuyve- sant has already committed a great error in poHtics, and by effecting a peace has materially hazarded the tranquillity of the province. CHAPTER IV. CONTAINING DIVERS SPECUI^ATIONS ON WAR AND NEGOTIATIONS — SHOWING THAT A TREATY OP PEACE IS A GREAT NATIONAI, EVII,. IT was the opinion of that poetical philoso- pher, Lucretius, that war was the original state of man, whom he described as being prim- itively a savage beast of prey, engaged in a con- stant state of hostility with his own species, and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and ameliorated by society. The same opinion has been advocated by Hobbes * ; nor have there been wanting many other philosophers to ad- mit and defend. For my part, though prodigiously fond of these valuable speculations, so complimentary to human nature, yet in this instance I am in- clined to take the proposition by halves, believ- * Hobbes' "I^eviathan," part i., ch. 13. ^be Brt of 'tClar 75 ing with Horace,* that though war may have been originally the favorite amusement and in- dustrious employment of our progenitors, yet, like many other excellent habits, so far from being ameliorated, it has been cultivated and confirmed by refinement and civilization, and increases in exact proportion as we approach towards that state of perfection which is the ne plus ultra of modem philosophy. The first conflict between man and man was the mere exertion of physical force, unaided by auxiliary weapons; his arm was his buckler, his fist was his mace, and a broken head the catastrophe of his encounters. The battle of unassisted strength was succeeded by the more rugged one of stones and clubs, and war as- sumed a sanguinary aspect. As man advanced in refinement, as his faculties expanded, and as his sensibilities became more exquisite, he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the art of murdering his fellow-beings. He invented a thousand devices to defend and to assault : the helmet, the cuirass, and the buckler, the sword, the dart, and the javelin, prepared him to elude the wound as well as to launch the ♦Quum prorepserunt primis animalia terris, Mutuum ac turpe pecus, glandematquecubilia propter, Ungiiibus et pugnis, dein fustibus, atque ita porro Pugnabant armis, quae post fabricaverat usus. HOR. Sat., ly. i., S. 3. 76 Ibistorg of mew lorFi blow. Still urging on, in the career of pliil- antliropic invention, he enlarges and heightens his powers of defence and injury : — The Aries, the Scorpio, the Balista, and the Catapulta, give a horror and sublimity to war, and magnify its glory, by increasing its desolation. Still insati- able, though armed with machinery that seemed to reach the limits of destructive invention, and to yield a power of injury commensurate even with the desires of revenge, — still deeper re- searches must be made in the diabolical arcana. With furious zeal he dives into the bowels of the earth ; he toils midst poisonous minerals and deadly salts, — the sublime discovery of gun- powder blazes upon the world, — and finally the dreadful art of fighting by proclamation seems to endow the demon of war with ubiquity and omnipotence ! This, indeed, is grand ! — this, indeed, marks the powers of mind, and bespeaks that divine endowment of reason, which distinguishes us from the animals, our inferiors. The unenlight- ened brutes content themselves with the native force which Providence has assigned them. The angry bull butts with his horns, as did his pro- genitors before him ; the lion, the leopard, and the tiger seek only with their talons and their fangs to gratify their sanguinary fury ; and even the subtle serpent darts the same venom, and treaties ot ipeace 77 uses the same wiles, as did his sire before the flood. Man alone, blessed with the inventive mind, goes on from discovery to discovery,— enlarges and multiplies his powers of destruc- tion, — arrogates the tremendous w^eapons of Diety itself, and tasks creation to assist him in murdering his brother-worm ! In proportion as the art of war has increased in improvement has the art of preserving peace advanced in equal ratio ; and as we have discov- ered, in this age of wonders and inventions, that proclamation is the most formidable engine in war, so have we discovered the no less ingenious mode of maintaining peace by perpetual ne- gotiations. A treaty, or, to speak more correctly, a nego- tiation, therefore, according to the acceptation of experienced statesmen learned in these matters, is no longer an attempt to accommo- date differences, to ascertain rights, and to estab- lish an equitable exchange of kind offices, but a contest of skill between two powers, which shall overreach and take in the other. It is a cunning endeavor to obtain by peaceful ma- noeuvre, and the chicanery of cabinets, those ad- vantages which a nation would otherwise have wrested by force of arms, — in the same manner as a conscientious highwayman reforms and be- comes a quiet and praiseworthy citizen, content- 78 1bi0tors ot Uaew l^ocft ing himself with cheating his neighbor out of that property he would formerly have seized with open violence. In fact, the only time when two nations can be said to be in a state of perfect amity is, when a negotiation is open, and a treaty pending. Then, when there are no stipulations entered into, no bonds to restrain the will, ro specific limits to awaken the captious jealousy of right implanted in our nature, when each party has some advantage to hope and expect from the other, then it is that the two nations are won- derfully gracious and friendly, — their ministers professing the highest mutual regard, exchan- ging billets-doux, making fine speeches, and in- dulging in all those little diplomatic flirtations, coquetries, and fondlings, that do so marvellous- ly tickle the good-humor of the respective na- tions. Thus it may paradoxically be said, that there is never so good an understanding between two nations as when there is a little misunder- standing, — and that so long as they are on no terms at all, they are on the best terms in the world ! I do not by any means pretend to claim the merit of having made the above discovery. It has, in fact, long been secretly acted upon by certain enlightened cabinets, and is, together with divers other notable theories, privately ^be art ot ©bstructlng 79 copied out of the commonplace book of an il- lustrious gentleman, who has been member of Congress, and enjoyed the unlimited confidence of heads of departments. To this principle may be ascribed the wonderful ingenuity shown of late years in protracting and interrupting nego- tiations. Hence the cunning measiu-e of ap- pointing as ambassador some political pettifogger skilled in delays, sophisms, and misapprehen- sions, and dexterous in the art of baffling argu- ment, — or some blundering statesman, whose errors and misconstructions may be a plea for refusing to ratify his engagements. And hence, too, that most notable expedient so popular with our government, of sending out a brace of am- bassadors, — ^between whom, having each an in- dividual will to consult, character to establish, and interest to promote, you may as well look for unanimity and concord as between two lovers with one mistress, two dogs with one bone, or two naked rogues with one pair of breeches. This disagreement, therefore, is continually breeding delays and impediments, in conse- quence of which the negotiation goes on .swim- mingly — inasmuch as there is no prospect of its ever coming to a close. Nothing is lost by these delays and obstacles but time ; and in a nego- tiation, according to the theory I have exposed, all time lost is in reality so much time gained : 8o l)i6tors of "Wcw l?orft — with what delightful paradoxes does modem political economy abound ! Now all that I have here advanced is so noto- riously true, that I almost blush to take up the time of my readers with treating of matters which must many a time have stared them in the face. But the proposition to which I would most earnestly call their attention is this, that, though a negotiation be the most harmonizing of all national transactions, yet a treaty of peace is a great political evil, and one of the most fruitful sources of war. I have rarely seen an instance of any special contract between individuals that did not pro- duce jealousies, bickerings, and often down- right ruptures between them ; nor did I ever know of a treaty between two nations that did not occasion continual misunderstandings. How many worthy country neighbors have I known, who, after living in peace and good-fellowship for years, have been thrown into a state of dis- trust, cavilling, and animosity, by some ill- starred agreement about fences, runs of water, and stray cattle ! And how many well-meaning nations, who would otherwise have remained in the most amiable disposition towards each other, have been brought to swords' points about the infringement or misconstruction of some treaty, which in an evil hour they had Ifrom peace to "Mav si concluded, by way of making their amity more sure! Treaties at best are but complied with so long as interest requires their fulfilment ; conse- quently they are virtually binding on the weak- er party only, or, in plain truth, they are not binding at all. No nation will wantonly go to war with another if it has nothing to gain there- by, and therefore needs no treaty to restrain it from violence ; and if it have any thing to gain, I much question, from what I have witnessed of the righteous conduct of nations, whether any treaty could be made so strong that it could not thrust the sword through, — nay, I would hold ten to one, the treaty itself would be the very source to which resort would be had to find a pretext for hostilities. Thus, therefore, I conclude, — that, though it is the best of all policies for a nation to keep up a constant negotiation with its neighbors, yet it is the summit of folly for it ever to be beguiled into a treaty ; for then comes on non-fiiliilment and infraction, then remonstrance, then alter- cation, then retaliation, then recrimination, and finally open war. In a word, negotiation is like courtship, a time of sweet words, gallant speeches, soft looks, and endearing caresses, — but the marriage ceremony is the signal for hostilities. 82 fbietot^ of Bew ^otk If my painstaking reader be not somewliat perplexed by the ratiocination of the foregoing passage, he will perceive, at a glance, that the Great Peter, in concluding a treaty with his eastern neighbors, was guilty of lamentable error in policy. In fact, to this unlucky agree- ment may be traced a world of bickerings and heart-burnings between the parties, about fan- cied or pretended infringements of treaty stipu- lations ; in all which the Yankees were prone to indemnify themselves by a "dig into the sides ' ' of the New Netherlands. But, in sooth, these border feuds, albeit they gave great an- noyance to the good burghers of Manna-hata, were so pitiful in their nature, that a grave his- torian like myself, who grudges the time spent in any thing less than the revolutions of states and fall of empires, would deem them unworthy of being inscribed on his page. The reader is, therefore, to take it for granted, though I scorn to waste, in the detail, that time which my fur- rowed brow and trembling hand inform me is invaluable, that all the while the Great Peter was occupied in those tremendous and bloody contests which I shall shortly rehearse, there was a continued series of little, dirty, snivelling scourings, broils, and maraudings, kept up on the eastern frontiers by the moss-troopers of Connecticut. But, like that mirror of chivalry, •ffmpenOing E)i6a0ter6 83 the sage and valorous Don Quixote, I leave these petty contests for some future Sancho Panza of an historian, while I reserve my prow- ess and pen for achievements of higher dignity ; for at this moment I hear a direful and porten- tous note issuing from the bosom of the great council of the league, and resounding through- out the regions of the east, menacing the fame and fortunes of Peter Stuyvesant. I call, there- fore, upon the reader to leave behind him all the paltry brawls of the Connecticut borders, and to press forward with me to the relief of our favorite hero, who, I foresee, will be wofully beset by the implacable Yankees in the next chapter. CHAPTER V. how peter stuyvesant was grievously belied by the great council oe the league; and how he sent antony the trumpeter to take to the council a piece of his mind. THAT the reader may be aware of the peril at this moment menacing Peter Stuyvesant and his capital, I must remind him of the old charge advanced in the council of the league in the time of William the Testy, that the Neder- landers were carrying on a trade "damnable and injurious to the colonists," in furnishing the savages with "guns, powther, and shott." This, as I then suggested, was a crafty device of the Yankee confederacy to have a snug cause of war in pettOy in case any favorable opportu- nity should present of attempting the conquest of the New Nederlands — the great object of Yankee ambition. Accordingly we now find, when every other ground of complaint had apparently been re- 21 aBasc Bccusatlon 85 moved by treaty, this nefarious charge revived with tenfold virulence, and hurled like a thun- derbolt at the very head of Peter Stuyvesant ; happily his head, like that of the great bull of the Wabash, was proof against such missiles. To be explicit, we are told that in the year 165 1, the great confederacy of the east accused the immaculate Peter, the soul of honor and heart of steel, of secretly endeavoring, by gifts and promises, to instigate the Narroheganset, Mohaque, and Pequot Indians, to surprise and massacre the Yankee settlements. "For," as the grand council observed, " the Indians round about for divers hundred miles cercute seeme to have drunk deepe of an intoxicating cupp, att or from the Manhattoes against the English, whoe have sought their good, both in bodily and spirituall respects. ' ' This charge they pretended to support by the evidence of divers Indians, who were probably moved by that spirit of truth which is said to reside in the bottle, and who swore to the fact as sturdily as though they had been so many Christian troopers. Though descended from a family which suf- fered much injury from the losel Yankees of those times, my great-grandfather having had a yoke of oxen and his best pacer stolen, and having received a pair of black eyes and a 86 Distorg of mew l^orft "bloody nose in one of these border wars, and my grandfather, when a very little boy tending pigs, having been kidnapped and severely flogged by a long-sided Connecticut school- master, — yet I should have passed over all these wrongs with forgiveness and oblivion, — I could even have suffered them to have broken Evert Ducking's head ; to have kicked the doughty Jacobus Van Curlet and his ragged regiment out-of-doors ; to have carried every hog into captivity, and depopulated every hen-roost on the face of the earth with perfect impunity, — but this wanton attack upon one of the most gallant and irreproachable heroes of modem times, is too much even forme to digest, and has overset, with a single puff, the patience of the historian, and the forbearance of the Dutchman. O, reader, it was false ! I swear to thee, it was false ! — if thou hast any respect to my word, — if the undeviating character for veracity, which I have endeavored to maintain throughout this work, has its due weight upon thee, thou wilt not give thy faith to this tale of slander ; for I pledge my honor and my immortal fame to thee, that the gallant Peter Stuyvesant was not only innocent of this foul conspiracy, but would have suffered his right arm or even his wooden leg to consume with slow and everlast- ing flames, rather than attempt to destroy his % Ibcco ot Cblvalcg 87 enemies in any other way than open, generous warfare ; — beshrew those caitiff scouts, that con- spired to sully his honest name by such au imputation ! Peter Stuy vesant, though haply he may never have heard of a knight-errant, had as true a heart of chivalry as ever beat at the rovmd table of King Arthur. In the honest bosom of this heroic Dutchman dwelt the seven noble virtues of knighthood, flourishing among his hardy qualities like wild flowers among rocks. He ■was, in truth, a hero of chivalry struck off by nature at a single heat, and though httle care may have been taken to refine her workmanship, he stood forth a miracle of her skill. In all his dealings he was headstrong perhaps, but open and above-board ; if there was any thing in the whole world he most loathed and despised, it was cunning and secret wile; ** straight for- ward" was his motto; and he would at any time rather run his hard head against a stone wall than attempt to get round it. Such was Peter Stuy vesant ; and if my admira- tion of him has on this occasion transported my style beyond the sober gravity which becomes the philosophic recorder of historic events, I must plead as an apology, that, though a Uttle gray-headed Dutchman, arrived almost at the down-hill of life, I still retain a lingering spark «8 l)l6tors of "Hew l^orft of that fire which kindles in the eye of youth when contemplating the virtues of ancient worthies. Blessed, thrice and nine times blessed be the good St. Nicholas, if I have indeed escaped that apathy which chills the sympathies of age and paralyzes every glow of enthusiasm ! The first measure of Peter Stuyvesant, on hearing of this slanderous charge, would have been worthy of a man who had studied for years in the chivalrous library of Don Quixote. Drawing his sword and laying it across the table, to put him in proper tune, he took pen in hand and indited a proud and lofty letter to the council of the league, reproaching them with giving ear to the slanders of heathen savages against a Christian, a soldier, and a cavalier; declaring that whoever charged him with the plot in question lied in his throat ; to prove which he offered to meet the president of the council or any of his compeers, or their cham- pion, Captain Alicxsander Partridg, that mighty man of Rhodes, in single combat, wherein he trusted to vindicate his honor by the prowess of his arm. This missive was intrusted to his trumpeter and squire, Antony Van Corlear, that man of emergencies, with orders to travel night and day, sparing neither whip nor spur, seeing that Bntons'0 /Biesion 89 he carried the vindication of his patron's fame in his saddle-bags. The loyal Antony accomplished his mission with great speed and considerable loss of leather. He delivered his missive with becom- ing ceremony, accompanying it with a flourish of defiance on his trumpet to the whole council, ending with a significant and nasal twang full in the face of Captain Partridg, who nearly jumped out of his skin in an ecstasy of astonish- ment. The grand council was composed of men too cool and practical to be put readily in a heat, or to indulge in knight-errantry, and above all to run a tilt with such a fiery hero as Peter the Headstrong. They knew the advantage, how- ever, to have always a snug, justifiable cause of war in reserve with a neighbor who had territories worth invading ; so they devised a reply to Peter Stuyvesant, calculated to keep up the "raw" which they had established. On receiving this answer, Antony Van Corlear remounted the Flanders mare which he always rode, and trotted merrily back to the Manhat- toes, solacing himself by the way according to his wont; twanging his trimipet like a very devil, so that the sweet valleys and banks of the Connecticut resoimded with the warlike melody ; bringing all the folks to the windows as he passed through Hartford and Pyquag, and Middletown, and all the other border towns ; ogling and winking at the women, and making aerial windmills from the ends of his nose at their husbands ; and stopping occasionally in the villages to eat pumpkin-pies, dance at country frolics, and bundle with the Yankee lasses — whom he rejoiced exceedingly with his soul-stirring instrument CHAPTER VI. HOW PETER STUYVESANT DEMANDED A COURT OF HONOR— AND WHAT THE COURT OF HONOR AWARDED TO HIM. THE reply of the grand council to Peter Stuyvesant was couched in the coolest and most diplomatic language. They assured him that " his confident denials of the barbarous plot alleged against him would weigh little against the testimony of divers sober and respectable Indians" ; that "his guilt was proved to their perfect satisfaction," so that they must still re- quire and seek due satisfaction and security; ending with — "so we rest, sir — Yours in ways of righteousness." I forbear to say how the lion-hearted Peter roared and ramped at finding himself more and more entangled in the meshes thus artfully drawn round him by the knowing Yankees. Impatient, however, of suffering so gross an 92 1bi0tori2 of IHew ll)orft aspersion to rest upon his honest name, he sent a second messenger to the council, reiterating his denial of the treachery imputed to him, and offering to submit his conduct to the scrutiny of a court of honor. His offer was readily ac- cepted ; and now he looked forward with confi- dence to an august tribunal to be assembled at the Manhattoes, formed of high-minded cava- liers, peradventure governors and commanders of the confederate plantations, when the mat- ter might be investigated by his peers, in a man- ner befitting his rank and dignity. While he was awaiting the arrival of such high functionaries, behold, one sunshiny after- noon there rode into the great gate of the Man- hattoes two lean, hungry-looking Yankees, mounted on Narraganset pacers, with saddle- bags under their bottoms, and green satchels under their arms, who looked marvellously like two pettifogging attorneys beating the hoof from one county court to another in quest of lawsuits ; and, in sooth, though they may have passed under different names at the time, I have reason to suspect they were the identical varlets who had negotiatedthe worthy Dutch commissioners out of the Connecticut River. It was a rule with these indefatigable mission- aries never to let the grass grow under their feet. Scarce had they, therefore, alighted at Xlbc Court of Ibonor 93 the inn and deposited their saddle-bags, than they made their way to the residence of the governor. They found him, according to custom, smoking his afternoon pipe on the "stoop," or bench at the porch of his house, and announced themselves, at once, as commissioners sent by the grand council of the east to investigate the tinith of certain charges advanced against him. The good Peter took his pipe from his mouth, and gazed at them for a moment in mute aston- ishment. By way of expediting business, they were proceeding on the spot to put some pre- liminary' questions, — asking him, peradventure, whether he pleaded guilty or not guilty, con- sidering him something in the light of a culprit at the bar, — when they were brought to a pause by seeing him lay down his pipe and begin to fumble with his walking-staff. For a moment those present would not have given half a crown for both the crowns of the commissioners ; but Peter Stuyvesant repressed his mighty wrath and stayed his hand ; he scanned the varlets from head to foot, satchels and all, with a look of ineffable scorn ; then strode into the house, slammed the door after him, and commanded that they should never again be admitted to his presence. The knowing commissioners winked to each 94 *ft)istor^ of IRew 15ork other, and made a certificate on the spot that the governor had refused to answer their inter- rogatories or to submit to their examination. They then proceeded to rummage about the city for two or three days, in quest of what they called evidence, perplexing Indians and old women with their cross-questioning, until they had stufifed their satchels and saddle-bags with all kinds of apocryphal tales, rumors, and cal- iminies ; with these they mounted their Narra- ganset pacers and travelled back to the grand council ; neither did the proud-hearted Peter trouble himself to hinder their researches nor impede their departure ; he was too mindful of their sacred character as envoys ; but I warrant me, had they played the same tricks with Wil- liam the Testy, he would have had them tucked up by the waistband and treated to an aerial gambol on his patent gallows. CHAPTER VII. HOW "drum ECClvESIASTiC " WAS BEATEN THROUGHOUT CONNECTICUT FOR A CRUSADE AGAINST THE NEW NETHERIvANDS, AND HOW PETER STUYVESANT TOOK MEASURES TO FORTIFY HIS CAPITAI,. THE grand council of the east held a solemn meeting on the return of their envoys. As no advocate appeared in behalf of Peter Stuyvesant, every thing went against him. His haughty refusal to submit to the questioning of the commissioners was construed into a con- sciousness of guilt. The contents of the satch- els and saddle-bags were poured forth before the council and appeared a mountain of evi- dence. A pale, bilious orator took the floor, and declaimed for hours and in belligerent terms. He was one of those furious zealots who blows the bellows of faction until the whole furnace of politics is red-hot with sparks and cinders. \'. hat was it to him if he should 96 1bl0ton? ot flew l^orFi set the house on fire, so that he might boil his pot by the blaze. He was from the borders of Connecticut ; his constituents lived by maraud- ing their Dutch neighbors, and were the great- est poachers in Christendom, excepting the Scotch border nobles. His eloquence had its effect, and it -was determined to set on foot an expedition against the Nieuw Nederlandts. It was necessary, however, to prepare the public mind for this measure. Accordingly the arguments of the orator were echoed from the pulpit for several succeeding Sundays, and a crusade was preached up against Peter Stuy- vesant and his devoted city. This is the first we hear of the " drum eccle- siastic" beating up for recruits in worldly war- fare in our country. It has since been called into frequent use. A cunning politician often lurks under the clerical robe ; things spiritual and things temporal are strangely jumbled to- gether, like drugs on an apothecary's shelf; and instead of a peaceful sermon, the simple seeker after righteousness has often a political pamphlet thrust down his throat, labelled with a pious text from Scripture. And now nothing was talked of but an expe- dition against the Mauhattoes. It pleased the populace, who had a vehement prejudice against the Dutch, considering them a vastly inferior Ebe JBicvcntb CommanC)ment 97 race, who had sought the new world for the lucre of gain, not the liberty of conscience ; who were heretics and infidels, inasmuch as they refused to believe in witches and sea- serpents, and had faith in the virtues of horse- shoes nailed to the door ; ate pork without molasses ; held pumpkins in contempt ; and were in perpetual breach of the eleventh com- mandment of all true Yankees, "Thou shalt have codfish dinners on Saturdays." No sooner did Peter Stuyvesant get wind of the storm that was brewing in the east than he set to work to prepare for it. He was not one of those economical rulers, who postpone the expense of fortifying until the enemy is at the door. There is nothing, he would say, that keeps off enemies and crows more than the smell of gunpowder. He proceeded, therefore, with all diligence, to put the province and its metropolis in a posture of defence. Among the remnants which remained from the days of William the Testy were the militia laws, — by which the inhabitants were obliged to turn out twice a year, with such military equipments as it pleased God, and were put under the command of tailors and man-milli- ners, who, though on ordinary occasions they might have been the meekest, most pippin- hearted little men in the world, were very 98 Distort of Uaew l^orft devils at parade, when they had cocked hats on their heads and swords by their sides. Un- der the instructions of these periodical warriors, the peaceful burghers of the Manhattoes were schooled in iron war, and became so hardy in the process of time, that they could march through sun and rain, from one end of the town to the other, without flinching ; and so intrepid and adroit, that they could face to the right, wheel to the left, and fire without winking or blinking. Peter Stujrvesant, like all old soldiers who have seen service and smelt gunpowder, had no great respect for militia troops ; however, he determined to give them a trial, and accord- ingly called for a general muster, inspection, and review. But, O Mars and Bellona ! what a turning-out was here ! Here came old Roelant Cuckaburt, with a short blunderbuss on his shoulder and a long horseman's sword trailing by his side ; and Barent Dirkson, with some- thing that looked like a copper kettle turned upside down on his head, and a couple of old horse-pistols in his belt ; and Dirk Volkertson, with a long duck fowling-piece without any ramrod; and a host more, armed higgledy- piggledy, — with swords, hatchets, snickersnees, crowbars, broomsticks, and what not ; the o£B- cers distinguished from the rest by having their /Rilitia :ejerci0e 99 slouched hats cocked up with pins, and sur- mounted with cocktail feathers. The sturdy Peter eyed this nondescript host with some such rueful aspect as a man would eye the Devil, and determined to give his feather-bed soldiers a seasoning. He accord- ingly put them through their manual exercise over and over again ; trudged them backwards and forwards about the streets of New Amster- dam imtil their short legs ached and their fat sides sweated again ; and finally encamped them in the evening on the summit of a hill without the city, to give them a taste of camp life, intending the next day to renew the toils and perils of the field. But so it came to pass that in the night there fell a great and heavy rain, and melted away the army, so that in the morning, when Gaffer Phoebus shed his first beams upon the camp, scarce a warrior re- mained except Peter Stuyvesant and his trump- eter Van Corlear. This awful desolation of a whole army would have appalled a commander of less nerve, but it served to confirm Peter's want of confidence in the militia system, which he thenceforward used to call, in joke — for he sometimes in- dulged in a joke, — William the Testy's broken reed. He now took into his service a goodly number of burly, broad-shouldered, broad-bot- loo Di6tori3 ot mew l!)orft tomed Dutchmen, whom he paid in good silver and gold, and of whom he boasted, that, whether they could stand fire or not, they were at least waterproof. He fortified the city, too, with pickets and palisadoes, extending across the island from river to river, and, above all, cast up mud bat- teries, or redoubts, on the point of the island where it divided the beautiful bosom of the bay. These latter redoubts, in process of time, came to be pleasantly overrun by a carpet of grass and clover, and overshadowed by wide- spreading elms and sycamores, among the branches of which the birds would build their nests and rejoice the ear with their melodious notes. Under these trees, too, the old burghers would smoke their afternoon pipe, contemplat- ing the golden sun as he sank in the west, an emblem of the tranquil end toward which they were declining. Here, too, would the young men and maidens of the town take their even- ing stroll, watching the silver moonbeams as they trembled along the calm bosom of the bay, or lit up the sail of some gliding bark, and per- adventure interchanging the soft vows of hon- est affection, — for to evening strolls in this favored spot were traced most of the marriages in New Amsterdam. Zbc ^Batters loi Such was the origin of that renowned prome- nade, The Battery, which, though ostensibly- devoted to the stem purposes of war, has ever been consecrated to the sweet delights of peace. The scene of many a gambol in happy child- hood, — of many a tender assignation in riper years, — of many a soothing walk in declining age, — the healthful resort of the feeble invalid, — the Sunday refreshment of the dusty trades- man, — in fine, the ornament and delight of New York, and the pride of the lovely island of Manna-hata. CHAPTER Vin. HOW THE YANKEE CRUSADE AGAINST THE NEW NETHERI^ANDS WAS BAFFI^ED BY THE SUDDEN OUTBREAK OE WITCHCRAFT AMONG THE PEOPLE OF THE EAST. HAVING thus provided for the temporary security of New Amsterdam, and guarded it against any sudden surprise, the gallant Peter took a hearty pinch of snufF, and snapping his fingers, set the great council of Amphictyons and their champion, the redoubtable Alicxsan- der Partridg, at defiance. In the meantime the moss-troopers of Connecticut, the warriors of New Haven and Hartford, and Pyquag, other- wise called Weathersfield, famous for its onions and its witches, and of all the other border- towns, were in a prodigious turmoil, furbishing up their rusty weapons, shouting aloud for war, and anticipating easy conquests, and glorious rummaging of the fat little Dutch villages. Detection ot /Bbaseacbusetts 103 In the midst of these warlike preparations, however, they received the chilling news that the colony of Massachusetts refused to back them in this righteous war. It seems that the gallant conduct of Peter Stuyvesant, the gener- ous warmth of his \nndication, and the chival- rous spirit of his defiance, though lost upon the grand council of the league, had carried convic- tion to the general court of Massachusetts, which nobly refused to believe him guilty of the vil- lainous plot laid at his door.* The defection of so important a colony para- lyzed the councils of the league ; some such dis- sension rose among its members as prevailed of yore in the camp of the brawling warriors of Greece, and in the end the crusade against the Manhattoes was abandoned. It is said that the moss-troopers of Connecti- cut were sorely disappointed ; but well for them that their belligerent cravings were not gratified ; for by my faith, whatever might have been the ultimate result of a conflict with all the powers of the east, in the interim the stomachful he- roes of Pyquag would have been choked with their own onions, and all the border towns of Connecticut would have had such a scouring from the lion-hearted Peter and his robustious myrmidons, that I warrant me they would not * Hazard's Satate Papers. io6 Ibistor^ of IRew l^ork apparitions, if you will believe report, of a shal- lop at sea manned with women, — and of a ship and great red horse standing by the main-mast ; the ship being in a small cove to the eastward, vanished of a sudden," etc. The number of delinquents, however, and their magical devices, were not more remark- able than their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted in the most solemn, persuasive, and affectionate manner to confess themselves guilty, and be burnt for the good of religion and the entertainment of the public, yet did they most pertinaciously persist in asserting their inno- cence. Such incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of immediate punishment, and was sufficient proof, if proof were necessary, that they were in league with the Devil, who is per- verseness itself. But their judges were just and merciful, and were determined to punish none that were not convicted on the best of testimony ; not that they needed any evidence to satisfy their own minds, for, like true and experienced judges, their minds were perfectly made up, and they were thoroughly satisfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they proceeded to try them ; but still something was necessary to convince the community at large, — to quiet those prying quidnuncs who should come after them, — in short, the world must be satisfied. Oh, the Ux^ing tbe "QClitcbcs 107 world — the world ! — all the world knows the world of trouble the world is eternally occasion- ing ! The worthy judges, therefore, were driven to the necessity of sifting, detecting, and mak- ing evident as noonday, matters which were at the commencement all clearly understood and firmly decided upon in their own pericraniums, — so that it may truly be said that the witches were burnt to gratify the populace of the day, but were tried for the satisfaction of the whole world that should come after them ! Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound reason, nor friendly entreaty had any avail on these hardened offenders, they resorted to the more urgent arguments of torture ; and having thus absolutely wrung the truth from their stubborn lips, they condemned them to undergo the roasting due unto the heinous crimes they had confessed. Some even carried their perverseness so far as to expire under the torture, protesting their innocence to the last ; but these were looked upon as thorougly and absolutely possessed by the Devil ; and the pious by-standers only lamented that they had not lived a little longer, to have perished in the flames. In the city of Ephesus, we are told that the plague was expelled by stoning a ragged old beggar to death, whom Apollonius pointed out io8 Ibistorg of "flew ^ovk as being the evil spirit that caused it, and who actually showed himself to be a demon, by chan- ging into a shagged dog. In like manner and by measures equally sagacious, a salutary check was given to this growing e^dl. The witches were all burnt, banished, or panic-struck, and in a little while there was not an ugly old wo- man to be found throughout New England, — which is doubtless one reason why all the young women there are so handsome. Those honest folk who had suffered from their incantations gradually recovered, excepting such as had been afflicted with twitches and aches, which, how- ever, assumed the less alarming aspects of rheu- matisms, sciatics, and lumbagos ; and the good people of New England, abandoning the study of the occult sciences, turned their attention to the more profitable hocus-pocus of trade, and soon became expert in the legerdemain art of turning a penny. Still, however, a tinge of the old leaven is discernible, even unto this day, in their characters : witches occasionally start up among them in different disguises, as physicians, civiUans, and divines. The people at large show a keenness, a cleverness, and a profundity of wisdom, that savors strongly of witchcraft ; and it has been remarked that, whenever any stones fall from the moon, the greater part of them is sure to tumble into New England ! CHAPTER IX. WHICH RECORDS THE RISE AND RENOWN OF A MII^ITARY COMMANDER, SHOWING THAT A MAN, I.IKE A BLADDER, MAY BE PUFFED UP TO GREATNESS BY MERE WIND ; TOGETHER WITH THE CATASTROPHE OF A VETERAN AND HIS QUEUE. WHEN treating of these tempestuous times, the unknown writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into an apostrophe in praise of the good St. Nicholas, to whose pro- tecting care he ascribes the dissensions which broke out in the council of the league, and the direful witchcraft which filled all Yankee land as with Egyptian darkness. A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering upon the fair valleys of the East : the pleasant banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed to the sound of rustic gayety ; grisly phantoms glided about each wild brook and silent glen ; fearful apparitions were seen in the air ; strange voices were heard in solitary places ; and the no Ibietot^ of "flew l^orh border towns were so occupied in detecting and punishing losel witches, that, for a time, all thought of war was suspended, and New Am- sterdam and its inhabitants seemed to be totally forgotten. I must not conceal the fact that at one time there was some danger of this plague of witch- craft extending into the New Netherlands ; and certain witches, mounted on broomsticks, are said to have been seen whisking in the air over some of the Dutch villages near the borders ; but the worthy Nederlanders took the precau- tion to nail horseshoes to their doors, which, it is well known, are efifectual barriers against all diabolical vermin of the kind. Many of those horseshoes may be seen at this very day on ancient mansions and barns remaining from the days of the patriarchs ; nay, the custom is still kept up among some of our legitimate Dutch yeomanry, who inherit from their forefathers a desire to keep witches and Yankees out of the country. And now the great Peter, having no imme- diate hostility to apprehend from the east, turned his face, with characteristic vigilance, to his southern frontiers. The attentive reader will recollect that certain freebooting Swedes had become very troublesome in this quarter in the latter part of the reign of William the Testy, General Dan poftcnburgb m setting at naught the proclamations of that veri- table potentate, and putting his admiral, the intrepid Jan Jansen Alpendam, to a perfect nonplus. To check the incursions of these Swedes, Peter Stuyvesant now ordered a force to that frontier, giving the command of it to General Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, an officer who had risen to great importance during the reign of Wilhelmus Kieft. He had, if histories speak true, been second in command to the doughty Van Curlet, when he and his warriors were inhumanly kicked out of Fort Goed Hoop by the Yankees. In that memorable affair Van Poffenburgh is said to have received more kicks in a certain honorable part than any of his com- rades, in consequence of which, on the resigna- tion of Van Curlet, he had been promoted to his place, being considered a hero who had seen service, and suffered in his country's cause. It is pointedly observed by honest old Soc- rates, that heaven infuses into some men at their birth a portion of intellectual gold, into others of intellectual silver, while others are intellect- ually furnished with iron and brass. Of the last class was General Van Poffenburgh ; and it would seem as if Dame Nature, who will some- times be partial, had given him brass enough for a dozen ordinary braziers. All this he had con- trived to pass off upon William the Testy for 112 fjistorg ot Bcw 15ork genuine gold ; and the little governor would sit for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of exploits, which left those of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the Dragon quite in the background. Having been promoted by William Kieft to the command of his whole disposable forces, he gave importance to his station by the grandiloquence of his bul- letins, always styling himself as Commander-in- Chief of the Armies of the New Nederlands, though in sober truth these armies were nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing, bottle- bruising ragamuffins. In person, he was not very tall, but exceed- ingly round ; neither did his bulk proceed from his being fat, but windy, being blown up by a prodigious conviction of his own importance, until he resembled one of those bags of wind given by jS^oIus, in an incredible fit of gener- osity, to that vagabond warrior, Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited the ad- miration of Antony Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more than once to William the Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general he had spoiled an admirable trumpeter. As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a description of the arms and equip- ments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a word upon the dress of this redoubtable com- Wxcee and ^equipments 113 mander. It comported with his character, being so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace and tinsel, that he seemed to have as much brass without as nature had stored away within. He was swaddled, too, in a crimson sash, of the size and texture of a fishing-net, — doubtless to keep his swelling heart from bursting through his ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat from between a huge pair of well-powdered whiskers, and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce out of a pair of large, glassy, blinking eyes, projecting like those of a lobster. I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition belie not this warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him accoutred cap-a-pie^ — booted to the middle, sashed to the chin, collared to the ears, whiskered to the teeth, crowned with an overshadowing cocked hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches broad, from which trailed a falchion, of a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, he strutted about, as bitter-looking a man of war as the far-famed More, of More-hall, when he sallied forth to slay the dragon of Wantley. For what says the ballad ? " Had you but seen him in this dress, How fierce he looked and how big, You would have thought him for to be Some Egyptian porcupig. 112 l)i6torB ot 1ftcw l^orfi genuine gold ; and the little governor would sit for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of exploits, which left those of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the Dragon quite in the background. Having been promoted by William Kieft to the command of his whole disposable forces, he gave importance to his station by the grandiloquence of his bul- letins, always styling himself as Commander-in- Chief of the Armies of the New Nederlands, though in sober truth these armies were nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing, bottle- bruising ragamuffins. In person, he was not very tall, but exceed- ingly round ; neither did his bulk proceed from his being fat, but windy, being blown up by a prodigious conviction of his own importance, until he resembled one of those bags of wind given by ^olus, in an incredible fit of gener- osity, to that vagabond warrior, Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited the ad- miration of Antony Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more than once to William the Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general he had spoiled an admirable trumpeter. As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a description of the arms and equip- ments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a word upon the dress of this redoubtable com- Drc60 ant) JEquipmcnts us mander. It comported with his character, being so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace and tinsel, that he seemed to have as much brass without as nature had stored away within. He was swaddled, too, in a crimson sash, of the size and texture of a fishing-net, — doubtless to keep his swelling heart from bursting through his ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat from between a huge pair of well-powdered whiskers, and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce out of a pair of large, glassj', blinking eyes, projecting like those of a lobster. I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition belie not this warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him accoutred cap-a-pie^ — booted to the middle, sashed to the chin, collared to the ears, whiskered to the teeth, crowned with an overshadowing cocked hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches broad, from which trailed a falchion, of a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, he strutted about, as bitter-looking a man of war as the far-famed More, of More-hall, when he sallied forth to slay the dragon of Wantley. For what says the ballad ? " Had you but seen him in this dress, How fierce he looked and how big, You would have thought him for to be Some Egjrptian porcupig. 114 fbietov^ of IRew l^ork He frightened all— cats, dogs, and all, Each cow, each horse, and each hog ; For fear they did flee, for they took him to be Some strange outlandish hedgehog." * I must confess this general, with all his out- ward valor and ventosity, was not exactly an ofl&cer to Peter Stuyvesant's taste ; but he stood foremost in the army list of William the Testy, and it is probable the good Peter, who was con- scientious in his dealings with all men, and had his military notions of precedence, thought it but fair to give him a chance of proving his right to his dignities. To this copper captain, therefore, was con- fided the command of the troops destined to protect the southern frontier, and scarce had he departed for his station than bulletins began to arrive from him, describing his undaunted march through savage deserts, over insurmount- able mountains, across impassable rivers, and through impenetrable forests, conquering vast tracts of uninhabited country, and encounter- ing more perils than did Xenophon in his far- famed retreat with his ten thousand Grecians. Peter Stuy vesant read all these grandiloquent despatches with a dubious screwing of the mouth and shaking of the head ; but Antony Van Corlear repeated these contents in the * Ballad of " Dragon of Wantley." IPort Caslmir 115 streets and market-places with an appropriate flourish upon his trumpet, and the windy vic- tories of the general resounded through the streets of New Amsterdam. On arri^^ng at the southern frontier Van Pof- fenburgh proceeded to erect a fortress, or stronghold, on the South or Delaware River. At first he bethought him to call it Fort Stuy- vesant, in honor of the governor, — a lowly kind of homage prevalent in our country among speculators, military commanders, and office- seekers of all kinds, by which our maps come to be studded with the names of political pa- trons and temporary great men ; in the present instance, Van Poffenburgh carried his homage to the most lowly degree, giving his fortress the name of Fort Casimir, in honor, it is said, of a favorite pair of brimstone trunk-breeches of his Excellency. As this fort will be found to give rise to im- portant events, it may be worth while to notice that it was afterwards called Nieuw Amstel, and was the germ of the present flourishing town of New Castle, or, more properly speaking, No Castle, there being nothing of the kind on the premises. His fortress being finished, it would have done any man's heart good to behold the swelling dignity with which the general would stride in ii6 ibistors ot IRew ^oxn and out a dozen times a day, surveying it in front and in rear, on this side and on that ; how he would strut backwards and forwards in full regimentals on the top of the ramparts, — ^like a vainglorious cock-pigeon, swelling and vaporing on the top of a dove-cot. There is a kind of valorous spleen which, like ■wind, is apt to grow unruly in the stomachs of newly made soldiers, compelling them to box- lobby brawls and broken-headed quarrels, unless there can be found some more harmless wa)'- to give it vent. It is recorded in the delectable romance of Pierce Forest that a young knight, being dubbed by King Alexander, did inconti- nently gallop into an adjacent forest and belabor the trees with such might and main that he not merely eased off the sudden effervescence of his valor, but convinced the whole court that he was the most potent and courageous cavalier on the face of the earth. In like manner the commander of Fort Casimir, when he found his martial spirit waxing too hot within him, would sally forth into the fields, and lay about him most lustily with his sabre, — decapitating cab- bages by platoons, hewing down lofty sun- flowers, which he termed gigantic Swedes, and if, perchance, he espied a colony of big-bellied pumpkins quietly basking in the sun, — "Ah! caitiff Yankees!" would he roar, "have I •Rel^crmcester's (Slueuc 117 caught ye at last? " So saying, with one sweep of his sword he would cleave the unhappy vege- tables from their chins to their waistbands ; by which warlike havoc his choler being in some sort allayed, he would return into the fortress with the full conviction that he was a very mir- acle of military prowess. He was a disciplinarian, too, of the first order. Woe to any unlucky soldier who did not hold up his head and turn out his toes when on parade, or who did not salute the general in proper style as he passed. Having one day, in his Bible researches, encountered the history of Absalom and his melancholy end, the general bethought him that, in a country abounding with forests, his soldiers were in constant risk of a like catastrophe ; he therefore, in an evil hour, issued orders for cropping the hair of both officers and men throughout the garrison. Now it so happened that among his officers was a sturdy veteran named Keldermeester, who had cherished through a long life a mop of hair not a little resembling the shag of a Newfound- land dog, terminating in a queue like the han- dle of a frying-pan, and queued so tightly to his head that his eyes and mouth generally stood ajar, and his eyebrows were drawn up to the top of his forehead. It may naturally be sup- posed that the possessor of so goodly an ap- ii8 1bi6tors of Iftew l^orft pendage would resist with abhorrence an order condemning it to the shears. On hearing the general orders, he discharged a tempest of vet- eran, soldier-like oaths, and dunder and blixums, — swore he would break any man's head who attempted to meddle with his tail, — queued it stijQfer than ever, and whisked it about the garrison as fiercely as the tale of a crocodile. The eel -skin queue of old Keldermeester became instantly an affair of the utmost im- portance. The commander-in-chief was too en- lightened an officer not to perceive that the dis- cipline of the garrison, the subordination and good order of the armies of the Nieuw Neder- landts, the consequent safety of the whole prov- ince, and ultimately the dignity and prosperity of their High Mightinesses the Lords States- General, imperiously demanded the docking of that stubborn queue. He decreed, therefore, that old Keldermeester should be publicly shorn of his glories in presence of the v.'hole garrison ; the old man as resolutely stood on the defensive ; whereupon he was arrested and tried by a court-martial for mutiny, desertion, and all the other list of offences noticed in the articles of war, ending with a "videlicet, in wearing an eel-skin queue, three feet long, contrary to orders." Then came on arraignments, and trials, and pleadings, and the whole garrison B (Bbostls l)l0itor 119 was in a ferment about this unfortunate queue. As it is well known that the commander of a frontier post has the power of acting pretty much after his own will, there is little doubt but that the veteran would have been hanged, or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill of a fever through mere chagrin and mortification, and deserted from all earthly command, with his beloved locks un\dolated. His obstinacy remained unshaken to the very last moment, when he directed that he should be carried to his grave with his eel-skin sticking out of a hole in his coffin. This magnanimous aflfair obtained the general great credit as a disciplinarian ; but it is hinted that he was ever afterwards subject to bad dreams and fearful visitations in the night, when the grisly spectre of old Keldermeester would stand sentinel by his bedside, erect as a pump, his enormous queue strutting out like the handle. BOOK VI. CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OE THE REIGN OP PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS GAI^ I^ANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DEI% from whence he drew forth that identical suit of regi- mentals described in the preceding chapter. In'these portentous habiliments he arrayed him- self like Achilles in the armor of Vulcan, main- taining all the while an appalling silence, knitting his brows, and drawing his breath through his clinched teeth. Being hastily equipped, he strode down into the parlor and jerked down his trusty sword from over the fireplace, where it was usually suspended ; but before he girded it on his thigh, he drew it from its scabbard, and as his eye coursed along the rusty blade, a grim smile stole over his iron vis- age ; it was the first smile that had visited his countenance for five long weeks ; but every one who beheld it prophesied that there would soon be warm work in the province ! Thus armed at all points, with grisly war de- picted in each feature, his very cocked hat as- suming an air of uncommon defiance, he in- stantly put himself upon the alert, and de- spatched Antony Van Corlear hither and thither, this way and that way, through all the nmddy streets and crooked lanes of the city, summon- Zbc Council Summoned ms ing by sound of trumpet his trusty peers to assemble in instant council. This done, by way of expediting matters, according to the custom of people in a hurry, he kept in continual bus- tle, shifting from chair to chair, popping his head out of every window, and stumping up and down stairs with his wooden leg in such brisk and incessant motion, that, as we are in- formed by an authentic historian of the times, the continual clatter bore no small resemblance to the music of a cooper hooping a flour-barrel. A summons so peremptory, and from a man of the governor's mettle, was not to be trifled with ; the sages forthwith repaired to the coun- cil-chamber, seated themselves with the utmost tranquillity, and, lighting their long pipes, gazed with unruffled composure on his Excel- lency and his regimentals, — being, as all coim- sellors should be, not easily flustered, nor taken by surprise. The governor, looking around for a moment with a lofty, soldier-like air, and resting one hand on the pommel of his sword, and flinging the other forth in a free and spir- ited manner, addressed them in a short but soul-stirring harangue. I am extremely sorry that I have not the ad- vantages of Livy,Thucydides, Plutarch, and oth- ers of my predecessors, who were furnished, as 7 am told, with the speeches of all their heroes, 146 Ibistor^ of Bew l^ork taken down in short-hand by the most accurate stenographers of the time, — whereby they were enabled wonderfully to enrich their histories, and delight their readers with sublime strains of eloquence. Not having such important aux- iliaries, I cannot possibly pronounce what was the tenor of Governor Stujrvesant's speech. I am bold, however, to say, from the tenor of his character, that he did not wrap his rugged sub- ject in silks and ermines, and other sickly trick- eries of phrase, but spoke forth like a man of nerve and vigor, who scorned to shrink in words from those dangers which he stood ready to en- coimter in very deed. This much is certain, that he concluded by announcing his determination to lead on his troops in person, and rout these costard -monger Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort Casimir. To this hardy resolu- tion, such of his council as were awake gave their usual signal of concurrence ; and as to the rest, who had fallen asleep about the middle of the harangue (their " usual custom in the after- noon "), they made not the least objection. And now was seen in the fair city of New Amsterdam a prodigious bustle and preparation for iron war. Recruiting parties marched hither and thither, calling lustily upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and tatterdemalions of the Man- hattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition IRccruftincj tor Tldar 147 of sixpence a day, and immortal fame into the bargain, to enlist in the cause of glory : — for I would have you note that your warlike heroes who trudge in the rear of conquerors are gener- ally of that illustrious class of gentlemen who are equal candidates for the army or the bride- well, the halberds or the w^hipping-post, — for whom Dame Fortune has cast an even die, whether they shall make their exit by the sword or the halter, and whose deaths shall, at all events, be a lofty example to their countrymen. But, notwithstanding all this martial rout and invitation, the ranks of honor were but scantily supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers of New Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign broils, or stirring beyond that home which rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon behold- ing this, the great Peter, whose noble heart was all on fire with war and sweet revenge, deter- mined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance of these oily citizens, but to muster up his merry men of the Hudson, who, brought up among woods, and wilds, and savage beasts, like our yeomen of Kentucky, delighted in nothing so much as desperate adventures and perilous ex- peditions through the wilderness. Thus resolv- ing, he ordered his trusty squire, Antony Van Corlear, to have his state galley prepared and duly victualled ; which being performed, he at- 148 Ibistorg ot IRew l^orh tended public service at the great church of St. Nicholas, like a true and pious governor ; and then leaving peremptory orders with his council to have the chivalry of the Manhattoes mar- shalled out and appointed against his return, departed on his recruiting voyage up the waters of the Hudson. CHAPTER IV. CONTAINING PETER STUYVES ANT'S VOYAGE UP THE HUDSON, AND THE WONDERS AND DE- LIGHTS OF THAT RENOWNED RIVER. NOW did the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly over the face of nature, tempering the panting heats of summer into genial and prolific warmth ; when that miracle of hardi- hood and chivalric virtue, the dauntless Peter Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the wind, and departed from the fair island of Manna- hata. The galley in which he embarked was sump- tuously adorned with pendants and streamers of gorgeous dyes which fluttered gayly in the wind, or drooped their ends into the bosom of the stream. The bow and poop of this majestic vessel were gallantly bedight, after the rarest Dutch fashion, with figures of little pursy Cu- pids with periwigs on their heads, and bearing in their hands garlands of flowers, the like of I50 Ibistors of 1Rew l^orh which are not to be found in any book of botany, being the matchless flowers which flourished in the golden age, and exist no longer, unless it be in the imaginations of ingenious carvers of wood and discolorers of canvas. Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the puissant potentate of the Manhattoes, did the galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon the bosom of the lordly Hudson, which, as it rolled its broad waves to the ocean, seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride, as if conscious of the illustrious burden it sustained. But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the scene presented to the contemplation of the crew from that which may be witnessed at this degenerate day. Wildness and savage majesty reigned on the borders of this mighty river ; the hand of cultivation had not as 3'et laid low the dark forest, and tamed the features of the land- scape ; nor had the frequent sail of commerce broken in upon the profound and awful solitude of ages. Here and there might be seen a rude wigwam perched among the clifls of the moun- tains, with its curling column of smoke mount- ing in the transparent atmosphere, — but so loftily situated that the whoopings of the savage children, gambolling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell almost as faintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark when lost in the azure XLbc ttJoBage 151 vault of heaven. Now and then, from the beet- ling brow of some precipice, the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid pageant as it passed below, and then, tossing his antlers in the air, would bound away into the thickest of the forest Through such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter Stuyvesant pass. Now did they skirt the bases of the rocky heights of Jersey, which spring up like everlasting walls, reaching from the waves unto the heavens, and were fashioned, if tradition may be believed, in times long past, by the mighty spirit Manetho, to protect his favorite abodes from the unhallowed eyes of mortals. Now did they career it gayly across the vast expanse of Tappan Bay, whose wide-extend- ed shores present a variety of delectable scenery, — ^here the bold promontory, crowned with em- bowering trees, advancing into the bay, — there the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the shore in rich luxuriance, and terminating in the upland precipice, — while at a distance a long waving line of rocky heights threw their gigan- tic shades across the water. Now would they pass where some modest little interval, opening among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as it were for protection into the embraces of the neighboring mountains, displayed a rural paradise, fraught with sweet and pastoral beau- 152 1bi0tori2 ot IRew l^orft ties, — the velvet-tufted lawn, tlie bushy copse, the tinkling rivulet, stealing through the fresh and vivid verdure, on whose banks was situated some little Indian village, or, peradventure, the rude cabin of some solitary hunter. The different periods of the revolving day seemed each, with cunning magic, to diffuse a different charm over the scene. Now would the jovial sun break gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits of the hills, and sparkling the landscape with a thousand dewy gems ; while along the borders of the river were seen the heavy masses of mist, which, like midnight caitiffs, disturbed at his approach, made a slug- gish retreat, rolling in sullen reluctance up the mountains. At such times all was brightness, and life, and gayety, — the atmosphere was of an in- describable pureness and transparency, — the birds broke forth in wanton madrigals, and the freshening breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. But when the sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west, mantling the heavens and the earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then all was calm, and silent, and magnificent. The late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast ; — the seaman, with folded arms, leaned against the shrouds, lost in that involuntary musing which the sober grandeur of nature commands in the rudest of her children. The XLwiliQbt on tbe IbuDgon 153 vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled mirror, reflecting the golden splendor of the heavens, excepting that now and then a bark canoe would steal across its surface, filled with painted savages, whose gay feathers glared brightly as perchance a lingering ray of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains. But when the hour of twilight spread its majestic mists around, then did the face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms, which to the worthy heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its Maker are inex- pressibly captivating. The mellow dubious light that prevailed just served to tinge with illusive colors the softened features of the scenery. The deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to discern in the broad masses of shade the separa- ting line between the land and water, or to dis- tinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now did the busy fancy supply the feebleness of vision, producing with industrious craft a fairy creation of her own. Under her plastic wand the barren rocks frowned upon the watery waste in the semblance of lofty towers and high embattled castles, — trees assumed the direful forms of mighty giants, and the inacces- sible summits of the mountains seemed peopled with a thousand shadowy beings. 154 Distort ot IWew forft Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an innumerable variety of insects, which filled the air with a strange but not inharmonious concert, while ever and anon was heard the melancholy plaint of the whippoorwill, who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night with his incessant moanings. The mind, soothed into a hallowed melancholy, listened with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely echoed from the shore, — now and then startled perchance by the whoop of some straggling savage, or by the dreary howl of a wolf, stealing forth upon his nightly prowlings. Thus happily did they pursue their course, until they entered upon those awful defiles de- nominated THE HiGHi^ANDS, where it would seem that the gigantic Titans had erst waged their impious war with heaven, piling up cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock in wild confusion. But in sooth very different is the history of these cloud-capt mountains. These in ancient days, before the Hudson poured its waters from the lakes, formed one vast prison, within whose rocky bosom the omnipo- tent Manetho confined the rebellious spirits who repined at his control. Here, bound in adaman- tine chains, or jammed in rifted pines, or crushed by ponderous rocks, they groaned for many an XLbc 1bi0blanO5 155 age. At length the conquering Hudson, in its career towards the ocean, burst open their prison-house, rolling its tide triumphantly- through the stupendous ruins. Still, however, do many of them lurk about their old abodes ; and these it is, according to venerable legends, that cause the echoes which resound throughout these awful solitudes, — which are nothing but their angry clamors when any noise disturbs the profoundness of their repose. For when the elements are agitated by- tempest, when the winds are up and the thunder rolls, then horrible is the yelling and howling of these troubled spirits, making the moimtains to rebellow with their hideous uproar ; for at such times it is said that they think the great Manetho is returning once more to plunge them in gloomy caverns, and renew their intolerable captivity. But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon the gallant Stuyvesant ; naught occu- pied his mind but thoughts of iron war, and proud anticipations of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his honest crew trouble their heads with any romantic speculations of the kind. The pilot at the helm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing either past, present, or to come ; — those of his comrades who were not in- dustriously smoking under the hatches were 156 t>i0tori2 of IRcvv l^orft listening with open mouths to Antony Van ■ Corlear, who, seated on the windlass, was re- lating to them the marvellous history of those myriads of fireflies that sparkled like gems and spangles upon the dusky robe of night. These, according to tradition, were originally a race of pestilent sempitemous beldames, who peopled these parts long before the memory of man, being of that abominated race emphatically called brmtstofies, and who, for their innumer- able sins against the children of men, and to furnish an awful warning to the beauteous sex, were doomed to infest the earth in the shape of these threatening and terrible little bugs, en- during the internal torments of that fire which they formerly carried in their hearts and breathed forth in their words, but now are sentenced to bear about forever — in their tails ! And now I am going to tell a fact, which I doubt much my readers will hesitate to believe ; but if they do they are welcome not to believe a word in this whole history, for nothing which it contains is more true. It must be known then that the nose of Antony the Trumpeter was of a very lusty size, strutting boldly from his countenance like a mountain of Golconda ; being sumptuously bedecked with rubies and other precious stones, — the true regalia of a king of good-fellows, which jolly Bacchus Bntoni3'6 IRose 157 grants to all who bouse it heartily at the flagon. Now thus it happened that, bright and early in the morning, the good Antony, having washed his burly visage, was leaning over the quarter- railing of the galley, contemplating it in the glassy wave below. Just at this moment the illustrious sun, breaking in all its splendor from behind a high bluff of the highlands, did dart one of his most potent beams full upon the refulgent nose of the sounder of brass — the reflection of which shot straightway down, hissing-hot, into the water, and killed a mighty sturgeon that was sporting beside the vessel ! This huge monster being with infinite labor hoisted on board, furnished a luxurious repast to all the crew, being accounted of excellent flavor, excepting about the wound, where it smacked a little of brimstone ; and this, on my veracity, was the first time that ever sturgeon was eaten in these parts by Christian people.* When this astonishing miracle came to be made known to Peter Stuyvesant, and that he tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be supposed, marvelled exceedingly ; and as a monument thereof, he gave the name oi Anto- * The learned Hans Megapolensis, treating of the coun- try about Albany, in a letter which was written some time after the settlement, says : " There is in the river great plenty of sturgeon, which we Christians do not make use of, but the Indians eat them greedily." 158 fbistov^ ot Irlew 13ork ny^s Nose to a stout promontory in the neigh- borhood ; and it has continued to be called Antony's Nose ever since that time. But hold : whither am I wandering ? By the mass, if I attempt to accompany the good Peter Stuyvesant on this voyage, I shall never make an end ; for never was there a voyage so fraught with marvellous incidents, nor a river so abounding with transcendent beauties, worthy of being severally recorded. Even now I have it on the point of my pen to relate how his crew were most horribly frightened, on going on shore above the highlands, by a gang of merry roistering devils, frisking and curveting on a flat rock, which projected into the river, and which is called the DtiyveVs Dafis-Kamer to this very day. But no, Diedrich Knicker- bocker, it becomes thee not to idle thus in thy historic wayfaring. Recollect that, while dwelling with the fond garrulity of age over these fairy scenes, en- deared to thee by the recollections of thy youth, and the charms of a thousand legendary tales, which beguiled the simple ear of thy child- hood, — recollect that thou art trifling with those fleeting moments which should be devot- ed to loftier themes. Is not Time — relentless Time ! — shaking, with palsied hand, his almost exhausted hour-glass before thee ? Hasten protection ot St. IFlfcbolas 159 then to pursue thy weary task, lest the last sands be run ere thou hast finished thy history of the Manhattoes. Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his brave galley, and his loyal crew to the protec- tion of the blessed St. Nicholas, who, I have no doubt, will prosper him in his voyage, while we await his return at the great city of New Amsterdam. CHAPTER V. DESCRIBING THE POWERFUIv ARMY THAT AS- SEMBI^ED AT THE CITY OE NEW AMSTER- DAM—TOGETHER WITH THE INTERVIEW BETWEEN PETER THE HEADSTRONG AND GENERAE VAN POFFENBURGH, AND PETER'S SENTIMENTS TOUCHING UNFORTUNATE GREAT MEN. WHIIvB thus the enterprising Peter was coasting, with flowing sail, up the shores of the lordly Hudson, and arousing all the phlegmatic little Dutch settlements upon its borders, a great and puissant concourse of warriors was assembling at the city of New Amsterdam. And here that invaluable frag- ment of antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, is more than commonly particular ; by which means I am enabled to record the illustrious host that encamped itself in the public square in front of the fort, at present denominated the Bowling Green. In the centre, then, was pitched the tent of IDaKant SolOlers i6i the men of battle of the Manhattoes, who, being the inmates of the metropolis, composed the lifeguards of the governor. These were commanded by the valiant Stoffel Brinker- hoof, who whilom had acquired such immortal fame at Oyster Bay ; they displayed as a stand- ard a beaver rampant on a field of orange, being the arms of the province, and denoting the persevering industry and the amphibious origin of the Nederlanders.* On their right hand might be seen the vassals of that renowned Mynheer, Michael Paw,t who lorded it over the fair regions of ancient Pavo- nia, and the lands away south even unto the Navesink Mountains,]: and was, moreover, pa- troon of Gibbet Island. His standard was borne by his trusty squire, Cornelius Van Vorst, con- sisting of a huge oyster recumbent upon a sea- green field, being the armorial bearings of his * This was likewise the g^reat seal of the New Nether- lands, as may still be seen in ancient records t Besides what is related in the Stuyvesant MS., I have found mention made of this illustrious patroon in an- other manuscript, which says : " De Heer (or the squire) Michael Paw, a Dutch subject, about loth Aug., 1630, by deed purchased Staten Island. N. B. — The same Michael Paw had what the Dutch called a colonic at Pavonia, on the Jersey shore, opposite New York, and his overseer in 1636 was named Corns. Van Vorst, a person of the same name, in 1769, owned Pawles Hook, and a large farm at Pavonia, and is a lineal descendant from Van Vorst." \ So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that in- habited these parts. At present they are erroneously denominated the Neversink or Neversunk Mountains. i62 1bf6tori5 of IRcw l^ork favorite metropolis, Communipaw. He brought to the camp a stout force of warriors, heavily armed, being each clad in ten pair of linsey- woolsey breeches, and overshadowed by broad- brimmed beavers, with short pipes twisted in their hat-bands. These were the men who vegetated in the mud along the shores of Pavo- nia, being of the race of genuine copperheads, and were fabled to have sprung from oysters. At a little distance was encamped the tribe of warriors who came from the neighborhood of Hell-gate. These were commanded by the Suy Dams, and the Van Dams, — incontinent hard swearers, as their names betoken. They were terrible-looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted gaberdines of that curious-colored cloth called thunder and lightning, — and bore as a standard three Devil's darning-needles, volant^ in a flame- colored field. Hard by was the tent of the men of battle from the marshy borders of the Waale-Boght* and the country thereabouts. These were of a sour aspect, by reason that they lived on crabs, which abound in these parts. They were the first institutors of that honorable order of knight- hood called Fly-market shirks, and, if tradition speak true, did likewise introduce the far-famed * Since corrupted into the Wallabout ; the bay where the Navy Yard is situated. Stugvesant's Brmg 1^3 step in dancing called "double trouble." They were commanded by the fearless Jacobus Varra Vanger, — and had, moreover, a jolly band of Breuckelen* ferry-men, who performed a brave concerto on conch shells. But I refrain from pursuing this minute de- scription, which goes on to describe the war- riors of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and Ho- boken, and sundry other places well known in history and song ; for now do the notes of mar- tial music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, soimdingafar from beyond the walls of the city. But this alarm was in a little while relieved, for lo ! from the midst of a vast cloud of dust they recognized the brimstone-colored breeches and splendid silver leg of Peter Stuyvesant, glaring in the sunbeams, and beheld him approaching at the head of a formidable army, which he had mustered along the banks of the Hudson. And here the excellent but anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into a brave and glorious description of the forces as they defiled through the principal gate of the city, that stood by the head of Wall Street. First of all came the Van Bummels, who in- habit the pleasant borders of the Bronx ; these were short, fat men, wearing exceeding large trunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of ♦Now spelt Brooklyn. i64 1bi0tori2 ot IWew l^orft the trencher ; they were the first inventors of suppawn, or mush and milk. Close in their rear marched the Van Vlotens, of Kaatskill, horrible quaffers of new cider, and arrant brag- garts in their liquor. After them came the Van Pelts, of Groodt Esopus, dexterous horsemen, mounted upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the Esopus breed ; these were mighty hunters of minks and musk-rats, whence came the word Peltry. Then the Van Nests, of Kinderhoeck, valiant robbers of birds'-nests, as their name denotes ; to these, if report may be believed, are we indebted for the invention of slap-jacks, or buckwheat cakes. Then the Van Higgin- bottoms, of Wapping's Creek; these came armed with ferules and birchen rods, being a race of schoolmasters who first discovered the marvellous sympathy between the seat of honor and the seat of intellect, — and that the shortest way to get knowledge into the head was to hammer it into the bottom. Then the Van Grolls, of Antony's Nose, who carried their liquor in fair round little pottles, by reason they could not bouse it out of their canteens, having such rare long noses. Then the Garden- iers, of Hudson and thereabouts, distinguished by many triumphant feats, such as robbing watermelon patches, smoking rabbits out of their holes, and the like, and by being great Zbc •RnfcftcrbocFiers 165 lovers of roasted pigs' tails ; these were the ancestors of the renowned Congressman of that name. Then the Van Hoesens, of Sing-Sing, great choristers and players upon the jews-harp ; these marched two and two, singing the great song of St. Nicholas. Then the Couenhovens, of Sleepy Hollow ; these gave birth to a jolly race of publicans, who first discovered the magic artifice of conjuring a quart of wine into a pint bottle. Then the Van Kortlandts, who lived on the wild banks of the Croton, and were great killers of wild ducks, being much spoken of fa their skill in shooting with the long bow. Then the Van Bunschotens, of Nyack and Kakiat, who were the first that ever did kick with the left foot ; they were gallant bushwhackers and hunters of raccoons by moonlight. Then the Van Winkles, of Haerlem, potent suckers of eggs, and noted for running of horses, and run- ning up of scores at taverns ; they were the first that ever winked with both eyes at once. Lastly came the Knickerbockers, of the great town of Scaghtikoke, where the folk lay stones upon the houses in windy weather lest they should be blown away ; these derive their name, as some say, from K7iicker, to shake, and Beker^ a goblet, indicating thereby that they were sturdy toss-pots of yore, but, in truth, it was derived from Knicker, to nod, and Boeken^ i66 Ibfstori? ot mew forft "books, plainly meaning that they were great nodders or dozers over books ; from them did descend the writer of this history. Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters that poured in at the grand gate of New Am- sterdam. The Stuyvesant manuscript indeed speaks of many more, whose names I omit to mention, seeing that it behooves me to hasten to matters of greater moment. Nothing could surpass the joy and martial pride of the lion- hearted Peter as he reviewed this mighty host of warriors, and he determined no longer to defer the gratification of his much-wished-for revenge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort Casimir. But before I hasten to record those unmatch- able events which will be found in the sequel of this faithful history, let me pause to notice the fate of Jacobus Van Pofifenburgh, the dis- comfited commander-in-chief of the armies of the New Nederlands. Such is the inherent un- charitableness of human nature, that scarcely did the news become public of his deplorable discomfiture at Fort Casimir, than a thousand scurvy rumors were set afloat in New Amster- dam, wherein it was insinuated that he had in reality a treacherous understanding with the Swedish commander ; that he had long been in the practice of privately communicating with Dan l^otfenburab's XiteQuarO 167 the Swedes, together with divers hints about "secret-service money." To all which deadly- charges I do not give a jot more credit than I think they deserve. Certain it is, that the general vindicated his character by the most vehement oaths and pro- testations, and put every man out of the ranks of honor who dared to doubt his integrity. Moreover, on returning to New Amsterdam he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard swearers at his heels, — sturdy bottle-com- panions, whom he gorged and fattened, and who were ready to bolster him through all the courts of justice, — heroes of his own kidney, fierce -whiskered, broad-shouldered, colbrand- looking swaggerers, — not one of whom but looked as though he could eat up an ox, and pick his teeth with the horns. These lifeguard men quarrelled all his quarrels, were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled at every man that turned up his nose at the general, as though they M'ould devour him alive. Their conversation was interspersed with oaths like minute-guns, and every bombastic rhodomon- tade was rounded off by a thundering execra- tion, like a patriotic toast honored with a dis- charge of artiller}\ All these valorous vaporings had a consider- erable efiect in convincing certain profound i68 Ibietori? of mew l^orft sages, who began to think the general a hero ' of unmatchable loftiness and magnanimity of soul, particularly as he was continually protest- ing on the honor of a soldier, — a marvellously high-sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the council went so far as to pro- pose they should immortalize him by an im- perishable statue of plaster of Paris. But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived. Sending privately for the commander-in-chief of all the armies, and having heard all his story, garnished with the customary pious oaths, protestations, and ejacu- lations, — "Harkee, comrade, "said he, "though by your own account you are the most brave, upright, and honorable man in the whole prov- ince, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced, and immeasurably despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to punish a man for his misfortunes, and though it is very possible you are totally innocent of the crimes laid to your charge, yet as heaven, doubtless for some wise purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all proofs of your inno- cence, far be it from me to counteract its sov- ereign will. Besides, I cannot consent to ven- ture my armies with a commander whom they despise, nor to trust the welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust. Retire, there- •mntortunatc (5rcat /Ibcn :69 fore, my friend, from the irksome toils and cares of public life, with this comforting reflec- tion that, if guilty, you are but enjoying your just reward, and, if innocent, you are not the first great and good man who has most wrong- fully been slandered and maltreated in this wicked world, — doubtless to be better treated in a better world, where there shall be neither error, calumny, nor persecution. In the mean- time let me never see your face again, for I have a horrible antipathy to the countenances of unfortune great men like yourself" CHAPTER VI. IN WHICH THE AUTHOR DISCOURSES VERY INGENIOUSLY OF HIMSEI^F — AFTER WHICH IS TO BE FOUND MUCH INTERESTING HISTORY ABOUT PETER THE HEADSTRONG AND HIS FOI^IvOWERS. AS my readers and myself are about entering on as many perils as ever a confederacy of meddlesome knights-errant wilfully ran their heads into, it is meet that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join hands, bury all dif- ferences, and swear to stand by one another, in weal or woe, to the end of the enterprise. My readers must doubtless perceive how completely I have altered my tone and deportment since we first set out together. I warrant they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, impertinent lit- tle son of a Dutchman ; for I scarcely gave them a civil word, nor so much as touched my beaver when I had occasion to address them. But as Cbc autbor's Wiilce 171 •we jogged along together on the high road of tny history, I gradually began to relax, to grow more courteous, and occasionally to enter into familiar discourse, until at length I came to conceive a most social, companionable kind of regard for them. This is just my way ; I am always a little cold and reserved at first, partic- ularly to people whom I neither know nor care for, and am only to be completely won by long intimacy. Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd of how-d'ye-do acquaintances that flocked around me at my first appearance ? Many were merely attracted by a new face, and having stared me full in the title-page, walked off without saying a word ; while others lingered yawningly through the preface, and, having gratified their short-lived curiosity, soon dropped off one by one. But, more especially to try their mettle, I had recourse to an expedi- ent similar to one which we are told was used by that peerless flower of chivalry. King Ar- thur, who, before he admitted any knight to his intimacy, first required that he should shew himself superior to danger or hardships, by encountering unheard-of mishaps, slaying some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, not to say a word of dwarfs, hippogrifis, and fiery dragons. On a similar principle did I 172 "fclstorg of nacw l^orft cunningly lead my readers, at the first sally, into two or three knotty chapters, where they were most wofully belabored and buffeted by a host of pagan philosophers and infidel writers. Though naturally a very grave man, yet could I scarcely refrain from smiling outright at see- ing the utter confusion and dismay of my valiant cavaliers. Some dropped dowm dead (asleep) on the field, others threw down my book in the middle of the first chapter, took to their heels, and never ceased scampering until they had fairly run it out of sight, when they stopped to take breath to tell their friends what troubles they had undergone, and to warn all others from venturing on so thankless an ex- pedition. Every page thinned my ranks more and more, and of the vast multitude that first set out, but a comparatively few made shift to survive, in exceedingly battered condition, through the five introductory chapters. What, then ! w^ould you have had me take such sunshine, faint-hearted recreants to my bosom at our first acquaintance? No, no; I reserved my friendship for those who deserved it, for those who undauntedly bore me com- pany, in despite of difficulties, dangers, and fatigues. And now, as to those who adhere to me at present, I take them afilectionately by the hand. Worthy and thrice-beloved readers, ^be Brms Bmbarfts 173 brave and well-tried comrades, who have faith- fully followed my footsteps through all my wanderings, I salute you from my heart, I pledge myself to stand by you to the last, and to conduct you (so heaven speed this trusty weapon which I now hold between my fingers) triumphantly to the end of this our stupendous undertaking. But hark ! while we are thus talking, the city of New Amsterdam is in a bustle. The host of warriors encamped in the Bowling Green are striking their tents ; the brazen trumpet of An- tony Van Corlear makes the welkin to resound with portentous clangor ; the drums beat ; the standards of the Manhattoes, of Hell-gate, and of Michael Paw, wave proudly in the air. And now behold where the mariners are busily employed hoisting the sails of yon topsail schooner, and those clump-built sloops, which are to waft the army of the Nederlanders to gather immortal honors on the Delaware ! The entire population of the city, man, wom- an, and child, turned out to behold the chivalry of New Amsterdam, as it paraded the streets previous to embarkation. Many a handker- chief was waved out of the windows ; many a fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the mournful occasion. The grief of the fair dames and beauteous damsels of Granada could not 174 l)l6tori5 of Bew l^orft have been more vociferous on the banishment of the gallant tribe of Abencerrages, than was that of the kind-hearted fair ones of New Am- sterdam on the departure of their intrepid warriors. Bvery lovesick maiden fondly crammed the pockets of her hero with ginger- bread and doughnuts ; many a copper ring was exchanged, and crooked sixpence broken, in pledge of eternal constancy ; and there remain extant to this day some love verses written on that occasion, sufficiently crabbed and incom- prehensible to confound the whole universe. But it was a moving sight to see the buxom lasses, how they hung about the doughty An- tony Van Corlear, — for he was a jolly, rosy- faced, lusty bachelor, fond of his joke, and withal, a desperate rogue among the women. Fain would they have kept him to comfort them while the army was away ; for, besides what I have said of him, it is no more than jus- tice to add, that he was a kind-hearted soul, noted for his benevolent attentions in comfort- ing disconsolate wives during the absence of their husbands ; and this made him to be very much regarded by the honest burghers of the city. But nothing could keep the valiant An- tony from following the heels of the old gover- nor, whom he loved as he did his very soul ; so, embracing all the young vrouws, and giving popularits ot tbe (5ovcrnoc 175 every one of them that had good teeth and rosy lips a dozen hearty smacks, he departed, loaded with their kind wishes. Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter among the least causes of public distress. Though the old governor was by no means in- dulgent to the follies and waywardness of his subjects, yet somehow or other he had become strangely popular among the people. There is something so captivating in personal bravery, that, with the common mass of mankind, it takes the lead of most other merits. The sim- ple folk of New Amsterdam looked upon Peter Stuyvesant as a prodigy of valor. His wooden leg, that trophy of his martial encounters, was regarded with reverence and admiration. Every old burgher had a budget of miraculous stories to tell about the exploits of Hardkoppig Piet, wherewith he regaled his children of a long winter night, and on which he dwelt with as much delight and exaggeration as do our hon- est country yeomen on the hardy adventures of old General Putnam (or, as he is familiarly termed. Old Put), during our glorious Revolu- tion. Not an individual but verily believed the old governor was a match for Beelzebub him- self; and there was even a story told, with great mystery and under the rose, of his having shot the Devil with a silver bullet one dark, 176 Ibistor^ of IFlew l^orft stormy night, as lie was sailing in a canoe through Hell-gate, but this I do not record as being an absolute fact. Perish the man who would let fall a word to discolor the pure stream of history ! Certain it is, not an old woman in New Am- sterdam but considered Peter Stuyvesant as a tower of strength, and rested satisfied that the public welfare was secure so long as he was in the city. It is not surprising, then, that they looked upon his departure as a sore affliction. With heavy hearts they draggled at the heels of his troop, as they marched down to the river- side to embark. The governor, from the stem of his schooner, gave a short but truly patri- archal address to his citizens, wherein he rec- ommended them to comport like loyal and peaceable subjects, — to go to church regularly on Sundays, and to mind their business all the week besides. That the women should be duti- ful and aflfectionate to their husbands, — looking after nobody's concerns but their own, — eschew- ing all gossipiugs and morning gaddings, — and carrying short tongues and long petticoats. That the men should abstain from intermeddling in public concerns, intrusting the cares of gov- ernment to the officers appointed to support them, — staying at home, like good citizens, making money for themselves, and getting ^be (3overnor*6 BDDrcss 177 children for the benefit of their country. That the burgomasters should look well to the public interest, — not oppressing the poor nor indulging the rich, — not tasking their ingenuity to devise new laws, but faithfully enforcing those which were already made, — rather bending their atten- tion to prevent evil than to punish it ; ever rec- ollecting that civil magistrates should consider themselves more as guardians of public morals than rat-catchers employed to entrap public delinquents. Finally, he exhorted them, one and all, high and low, rich and poor, to conduct themselves as well as they could^ assuring them that if they faithfully and conscientiously com- plied with his golden rule, there was no danger but that they would all conduct themselves well enough. This done, he gave them a paternal benediction, the sturdy Antony sounded a most loving farewell with his trumpet, the jolly crews put up a shout of triumph, and the in\dncible armada swept oflf proudly down the bay. The good people of New Amsterdam crowded down to the Battery, — that blest resort, from whence so many a tender prayer has been wafted, so many a fair hand waved, so many a tearful look been cast by lovesick damsel, after the lessening bark bearing her adventm-ous swain to distant climes ! Here the populace watched with straining eyes the gallant squad- 178 Ibistorg of nacw l^orft ron, as it slowly floated down the bay, and when the intervening land at the Narrows shut it from their sight, gradually dispersed with silent tongues and downcast countenances. A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city : the honest burghers smoked their pipes in profound thoughtfulness, casting many a wist- ful look to the weathercock on the church of St. Nicholas ; and all the old women, having no longer the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to hearten them, gathered their children home, and barricaded the doors and windows every evening at sundown. In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy Peter proceeded prosperously on its voyage ; and after encountering about as many storms, and water-spouts, and whales, and other horrors and phenomena as generally befall adventurous landsmen in perilous voyages of the kind, and after undergoing a severe scouring from that deplorable and unpitied malady called seasick- ness, the whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware. Without so much as dropping anchor and giving his wearied ships time to breathe, after laboring so long on the ocean, the intrepid Peter pursued his course up the Delaware, and made a sudden appearance before FortCasimir. Having summoned the astonished garrison by a XLbc Btm(6tlce IRcjecteD 179 terrific blast from the trumpet of the long- winded Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone of thunder, an instant surrender of the fort. To this demand, Suen Skytte, the wind-dried com- mandant, replied, in a shrill, whiffling voice, which, by reason of his extreme spareness, sounded like the wind whistling through a broken bellows, that he had no very strong reason for refusing, except that the demand was particularly disagreeable, as he had been ordered to maintain his post to the last extremity. He requested time, therefore, to consult with Gov- ernor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that purpose. The choleric Peter, indignant at having his rightful fort so treacherously taken from him, and thus pertinaciously withheld, refused the proposed armistice, and swore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, which, like the sacred fire, was never extinguished, that unless the fort were surrendered in ten minutes, he would incon- tinently storm the works, make all the garrison run the gauntlet, and split their scoundrel of a commander like a pickled shad. To give this menace the greater effect, he drew forth his trusty sword, and shook it at them with such a fierce and vigorous motion, that doubtless, if it had not been exceeding rusty, it would have lightened terror into the eyes and hearts of the i8o 1bl6tor^ ot IRcvv l^orft enemy. He then ordered his men to bring a broadside to bear upon the fort, consisting of two swivels, three muskets, a long duck fowling- piece, and two brace of horse-pistols. In the meantime the sturdy Van Corlear mar- shalled all the forces, and commenced his war- like operations. Distending his cheeks like a very Boreas, he kept up a most horrific twang- ing of his trumpet, — the lusty choristers of Sing-Sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle, — the warriors of Breuckelen and the Wallabout blew a potent and astonishing blast on their conch shells, — altogether forming as outrageous a concerto as though five thousand French fiddlers were displaying their skill in a modern overture. Whether the formidable front of war thus suddenly presented smote the garrison with sore dismay, — or whether the concluding terms of the summons, which mentioned that he should surrender "at discretion," were mistaken by Suen Skytte, who, though a Swede, was a very considerate, easy-tempered man, as a compli- ment to his discretion, I will not take upon me to say ; certain it is he found it impossible to resist so courteous a demand. Accordingly, in the very nick of time, just as the cabin-boy had gone after a coal of fire to discharge the swivel, a chamade was beat on the rampart by Surrender of tbc ffoit iSi the only drum in the garrison, to the no small satisfaction of both parties, who, notwithstand- ing their great stomach for fighting, had full as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to exchange black eyes and bloody noses. Thus did this impregnable fortress once more return to the domination of their High Mighti- nesses. Skytte and his garrison of twenty men were allowed to march out with the honors of war ; and the victorious Peter, who was as gen- erous as brave, permitted them to keep posses- sion of all their arms and ammunition, — the same on inspection being found totally unfit for service, having long rusted in the magazine of the fortress, even before it was wrested by the Swedes from the windy Van Poffenburgh, But I must not omit to mention that the governor was so well pleased with the service of his faith- ful squire, Van Corlear, in the reduction of this great fortress, that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly domain in the vicinity of New Amsterdam, — which goes by the name of Cor- lear's Hook unto this very day. The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyve- sant towards the Swedes, occasioned great sur- prise in the city of New Amsterdam, — nay, cer- tain factious iudix-iduals, w^ho had been enlight- ened by political meetings in the days of William the Testy, but who had not dared to indulge i82 Ibiators ot IRcw l^ork their meddlesome habits under the eye of their present ruler, now, emboldened by his absence, gave vent to their censures in the street. Mur- murs were heard in the very council-chamber of New Amsterdam ; and there is no knowing whether they might not have broken out into downright speeches and invectives, had not Peter Stuyvesant privately sent home his walk- ing-staff, to be laid as a mace on the table of the council-chamber, in the midst of his council- lors ; who, like wise men, took the hint, and forever after held their peace. CHAPTER VII. SHOWING THE GREAT ADVANTAGE THAT THE AUTHOR HAS OVER HIS READER IN TIME OF BATTI^E — TOGETHER WITH DIVERS PORTEN- TOUS MOVEMENTS, WHICH BETOKEN THAT SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. LIKE as a mighty alderman, when at a cor- poration feast the first spoonful of turtle- soup salutes his palate, feels his appetite but tenfold quickened, and redoubles his vigorous attacks upon the tureen, while his projecting eyes roll greedily round, devouring every thing at table, so did the mettlesome Peter Stuy vesant feel that hunger for martial glory, which raged within his bowels, inflamed by the capture of Fort Casimir, and nothing could allay it but the conquest of all New Sweden. No sooner, there- fore, had he secured his conquest than he stumped resolutely on, flushed with success, to gather fresh laurels at Fort Christina.* *At present a flourishing town, called Christiana, or Chrifiteen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the post-road to Baltimore. i84 Ibistorg ot Bew lorfi This was the grand Swedish post, established on a small river (or, as it is improperly termed, creek) of the same name : and here that crafty- governor, Jan Risingh, lay grimly drawn up, like a gray-bearded spider in the citadel of his web. But before we hurry into the direful scenes which must attend the meeting of two such po- tent chieftains, it is advisable to pause for a moment, and hold a kind of warlike council. Battles should not be rushed into precipitately by the historian and his readers, any more than by the general and his soldiers. The great commanders of antiquity never engaged the enemy without previously preparing the minds of their followers by animating harangues, spir- iting them up to heroic deeds, assuring them of the protection of the gods, and inspiring them with a confidence of the prowess of their leaders. So the historian should awaken the attention and enlist the passions of his readers ; and hav- ing set them all on fire with the importance of his subject, he should put himself at their head, flourish his pen, and lead them on to the thick- est of the fight. An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in that mirror of historians, the immortal Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking out of the Peloponnesian war, one of his com- mentators observes that " he sounds the charge BDvanta^e of tbe Ibistorian 185 in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He catalogues tbe allies on both sides. He awak- ens our expectations, and fast engages our atten- tion. All mankind are concerned in the im- portant point now going to be decided. En- deavors are made to disclose futurity. Heaven itself is interested in the dispute. The earth totters, and nature seems to labor with the great event. This is his solemn, sublime manner of setting out. Thus he magnifies a war between two, as Rapin styles them, petty states ; and thus artfully he supports a little subject by treating it in a great and noble method." In like manner, having conducted my readers into the very teeth of peril, — having followed the adventurous Peter and his band into foreign regions, surrounded by foes, and stunned by the horrid din of arms, — at this important moment, while darkness and doubt hang o'er each coming chapter, I hold it meet to harangue them, and prepare them for the events that are to follow. And here I would premise one great advan- tage which, as historian, I possess over my reader ; and this it is, that, though I cannot save the life of my favorite hero, nor absolutely con- tradict the event of a battle (both which liber- ties, though often taken by the French writers of the present reign, I hold to be utterly un- worthy of a scrupulous historian), yet I can now i86 Iblstors of IFlew l^orft .and tlien make him bestow on his enemy a sturdy back-stroke sufficient to fell a giant, — though, in honest truth, he may never have done any thing of the kind ; or I can drive his antagonist clear round and round the field, as did Homer make that fine fellow Hector scamper like a poltroon round the walls of Troy ; for which, if ever they have encountered one an- other in the Elysian fields, I '11 warrant the prince of poets has had to make the most hum- ble apology. I am aware that many conscientious readers will be ready to cry out "foul play ! " whenever I render a little assistance to my hero, but I consider it one of those privileges exercised by historians of all ages, and one which has never been disputed. An historian is, in fact, as it were, bound in honor to stand by his hero ; the fame of the latter is entrusted to his hands, and it is his duty to do the best by it he can. Never was there a general, an admiral, or any other commander, who, in giving account of any battle he had fought, did not sorely belabor the enemy ; and I have no doubt that had my heroes written the history of their own achievements, they would have dealt much harder blows than any that I shall recount. Standing forth, there- fore, as the guardian of their fame, it behooves me to do them the same justice they would have ^expectation J6jcite& 187 done themselves ; and if I happen to be a little hard upon the Swedes, I give free leave to any of their descendants, who may write a story of the State of Delaware, to take fair retaliation, and belabor Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please. Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses ! My pen hath long itched for a battle ; siege after siege have I carried on with- out blows or bloodshed ; but now I have at length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven and St. Nicholas, that let tlie chronicles of the times say what they please, neither Sallust, Livy, Tacitus, Polybius, nor any other historian, did ever record a fiercer fight than that in which my valiant chieftains are now about to engage. And you, O most excellent readers, whom, for your faithful adherence, I could cherish in the warmest comer of my heart, be not uneasy, — trust the fate of our favorite Stuyvesant with me, for by the rood, come what may, I '11 stick by Hardkoppig Piet to the last. I '11 make him drive about these losels vile, as did the renowned Launcelot of the Lake a herd of recreant Cor- nish knights ; and if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight another battle in behalf of a brave man, if I don't make these lubberly Swedes pay for it ! No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived at i88 1b(0tori2 of 1Rcw l^orft Fort Christina, than he proceeded without delay to intrench himself, and immediately on run- ning his first parallel, dispatched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortress to surrender. Van Corlear was received with all due formality, hoodwinked at the portal, and conducted through a pestiferous smell of salt fish and onions to the citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His eyes were here uncovered, and he found himself in the august presence of Governor Risingh. This chieftain, as I have before noted, was a very giantly man, and was clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist with a leathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts and pockets to set off with a very warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were cased in a pair of foxy-colored jack-boots, and he was straddling in the attitude of the Colossus of Rhodes before a bit of broken looking-glass, shaving himself with a villainously dull razor. This afflicting operation caused him to make a series of horrible grimaces, which heightened exceedingly the grisly terrors of his visage. On Antony Van Corlear's being announced, the grim commander paused for a moment in the midst of one of his most hard-favored contor- tions, and after eying him askance over the shoulder, with a kind of snarling grin on his countenance, resumed his labors at the glass. Visingb'e Defiance 1B9 This Iron harvest being reaped, he turned once more to the trumpeter, and demanded the pur- port of his errand. Antony Van Corlear de- livered in a few words, being a kind of short-hand speaker, a long message from his Excellency, recounting the whole history of the province, with a recapitulation of grievances, and enu- meration of claims, and concluding with a peremptory demand of instant surrender ; which done, he turned aside, took his nose between his thumb and fingers and blew a tremendous blast, not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance, — which it had doubtless learned from a long and intimate neighborhood with that melodious instrument Governor Risingh heard him through, trump- et and all, but with infinite impatience, — leaning at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel of his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel watch-chain, or snapping his fingers. Van Cor- lear having finished, he bluntly replied that Peter Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the d — 1, whither he hoped to send him and his crew of ragamufl&ns before supper-time. Then unsheathing his brass-hilted sword, and throw- ing away the scabbard, — '* 'Fore gad," quod he, " but I will not sheath thee again until I make a scabbard of the smoke-dried leathern hide of this runagate Dutchman." Then having flung igo l)i0tor^ of Bew l^ork a fierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary by "the lips of his messenger, the latter was recon- ducted to the portal with all the ceremonious civility due to the trumpeter, squire, and am- bassador of so great a commander ; and being again unblinded, was courteously dismissed with a tweak of the nose, to assist him in recollecting his message. No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this insolent reply than he let fly a tremendous vol- ley of red-hot execrations, which would infal- libly have battered down the fortifications, and blown up the powder-magazine about the ears of the fiery Swede, had not the ramparts been re- markably strong, and the magazine bomb-proof. Perceiving that the works withstood this terrific blast, and that it was utterly impossible (as it really was in those unphilosophic days) to cany- on a war with words, he ordered his merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault. But here a strange murmur broke out among his troops, beginning with the tribe of the Van Bummels, those valiant trenchermen of the Bronx, and spreading from man to man, accom- panied with certain mutinous looks and discon- tented murmurs. For once in his life, and only for once, did the great Peter turn pale, for he verily thought his warriors were going to falter in this hour of perilous trial, and thus to tarnish i ^be Brmg Bines 191 forever the fame of the province of New Nether- lands. But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in his suspicion he deeply wronged his most undaunted army ; for the cause of his agitation and uneasiness simply was, that the hour of dinner was at hand, and it would have almost broken the hearts of these regular Dutch war- riors to have broken in upon the invariable rou- tine of their habits. Besides, it was an estab- lished rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a full stomach ; and to this may be doubt- less attributed the circumstance that they came to be so renowed in arms. And now are the hearty men of the Manhat- toes, and their no less hearty comrades, all lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly with the contents of their wallets, and taking such affectionate embraces of their canteens and pottles, as though they verily believed they were to be the last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I advise my readers to do the same, for which purpose I will bring this chapter to a close, — giving them my word of honor, that no advantage shall be taken of this armistice to surprise, or in any wise molest, the honest Nederlanders while at their vigor- ous repast. CHAPTER VIII. CONTArNING THE MOST HORRIBI.E BATTLE EVER RECORDED IN POETRY OR PROSE ; WITH THE ADMIRABI^E EXPI.OITS OE PETER THE HEAD- STRONG. " "j\ TOW had the Dutchmen snatched a huge 1 N repast," and finding themselves wonder- fully encouraged and animated thereby, prepared to take the field. Expectation, says the writer oftheStuyvesant manuscript, — Expectation now stood on stilts. The world forgot to turn round, or rather stood still, that it might witness the afiray, — like a round-bellied alderman, watch- ing the combat of two chivalrous flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all mankind, as usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort Christina. The sun, like a little man in a crowd at a pup- pet-show, scampered about the heavens, popping his head here and there, and endeavoring to get a peep between the unmannerly clouds that ^arsbalUng tbe (3oDi3 193 obtruded themselves in his way. The histori- ans filled their ink-horns ; the poets went with- out their dinners, either that they might buy paper and goose-quills, or because they could not get any thing to eat. Antiquity scowled sulkily out of its grave, to see itself outdone, — while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in gap- ing ecstasy of retrospection on the eventful field. The immortal deities, who whilom had seen service at the ' * affair ' ' of Troy, now mounted their feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain, or mingled among the combatants in difierent disguises, all itching to have a finger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted coppersmith, to have it furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus vowed by her chastity to patronize the Swedes, and in sem- blance of a blear-eyed trull paraded the battle- ments of Fort Christina, accompanied by Diana, as a sergeant's widow, of cracked reputation. The noted bully, ;RIars, stuck two horse-pistols into his belt, shouldered a rusty fire-lock, and gallantly swaggered at their elbow, as a drunken corporal, — while Apollo trudged in their rear, as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villainously out of tune. On the other side, the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pair of black ej-es overnight, in one of 194 1bistori2 of IRew lorK her curtain-lectures with old Jupiter, displayed her haughty beauties on a baggage-wagon ; Mi- nerva, as a brawny gin-suttler, tucked up her skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most heroically, in exceeding bad Dutch (having but lately studied the language), by way of keeping up the spirits of the soldiers ; while Vulcan halted as a club-footed blacksmith, lately pro* moted to be a captain of militia. All was silent awe, or bustling preparation : war reared his horrid front, gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook his direful crest of bristling bayonets. And now the mighty chieftains marshalled out their hosts. Here stood stout Risingh, firm as a thousand rocks, — incrusted with stockades, and intrenched to the chin in mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined the breastwork in grim array, each having his mustachios fiercely greased, and his hair pomatumed back, and queued so stifl&y, that he grinned above the ramparts like a grisly death's head. There came on the intrepid Peter, — his brows knit, his teeth set, his fists clenched, almost breathing forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was the fire that raged within his bosom. His faith- ful Squire Van Corlear trudged valiantly at his heels with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked with red and yellow ribbons, the remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manhattoes. Then XLbc IRoU of Ibonor 195 came waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the Hudson. There were the Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Kycks ; the Van Nesses, the Van Tassels, the Van Grolls, the Van Hoesens, the Van Giesons, and the Van Blarcoms ; the Van Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams, the Van Pelts, the Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts. There were the Van Homes, the Van Hooks, the Van Bunschotens, the Van Gelders, the Van Arsdales, and the Van Bum- mels, the Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the Vander Lyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander Spiegles ; then came the Hoffmans, the Hooghlands, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, the Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks, the Garre- brantzes, the Bensons, the Brouwers, the Wal- drons, the Onderdonks, the Varra Vangers, the Schermerhoms, the Stoutenburghs, the Brinker- hoflfs, the Bontecous, the Knickerbockers, the Hockstrassers, the Ten Breecheses, and the Tough Breecheses, with a host more of worthies whose names are too crabbed to be written, or if they could be written it would be impossible for man to utter,— all fortified with a mighty dinner, and, to use the words of a great Dutch poet, " Brimful of wrath and cabbage." 196 1bi6tors ot IFlew lorft For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of his career, and, mounting on a stump, addressed his troops in eloquent Low Dutch, exhorting them to fight like duyvels^ and assuring them that if they conquered they should get plenty of booty ; if they fell, they should be allowed the satisfaction, while dying, of reflecting that it was in the service of their country, and, after they were dead, of seeing their names inscribed in the temple of renown, and handed down, in company with all the other great men of the year, for the admiration of posterity. Finally, he swore to them, on the word of a governor (and they knew him too well to doubt it for a moment), that if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale, or playing craven, he would curry his hide till he made him run out of it like a snake in spring-time. Then lugging out his trusty sabre, he bran- dished it three times over his head, ordered Van Corlear to sound a charge, and shouting the words "St. Nicholas and the Mauhattoes ! " courageously dashed forwards. His warlike followers, who had employed the interval in lighting their pipes, instantly stuck them into their mouths, gave a furious puff, and charged gallantly under cover of the smoke. The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cun- ning Risiugh not to fire until they could distin- ^be JBattle ©pene& 197 guish the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood in horrid silence on the covert-way until the eager Dutchmen had ascended the glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous vol- ley that the very hills quaked around, and were terrified even unto an incontinence of water, in- somuch that certain springs burst forth from their sides, which continue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but would have bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire, had not the protecting Miner\^a kindly taken care that the Swedes should, one and all, observe their usual custom of shutting their eyes and turning away their heads at the moment of discharge. The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the counterscarp, and falling tooth and nail upon the foe with furious outcries. And now might be seen prodigies of valor, unmatched in history or song. Here was the sturdy Stoffel Brinkerhoff brandishing his quarter-staflf, like the giant Blanderon his oak tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and drumming a horrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swed- ish soldiery. There were the Van Kortlandts, posted at a distance, like the Locrian archers of yore, and plying it most potently with the long- bow, for which they were so justly renowned. On a rising knoll were gathered the valiant men of Sing-Sing, assisting marvellously in the fight igS Ibistor^ ot IRew ll)orh ,by clianting the great song of St. Nicholas ; but as to the Gardeniers, of Hudson, they were ab- sent on a marauding party, laying waste the neighboring watermelon patches. In a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of Antony's Nose, struggling to get to the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed in a defile between two hills by reason of the length of their noses. So also the Van Bun- schotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kicking with the left foot, were brought to a stand for want of wind, in consequence of the hearty dinner they had eaten, and would have been put to utter rout but for the arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs, composed of the Hoppers, who advanced nimbly to their assist- ance on one foot. Nor must I omit to mention the valiant achievements of Antony Van Cor- lear, who, for a good quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedish drum- mer, whose hide he drummed most magnifi- cently, and whom he would infallibly have an- nihilated on the spot, but that he had come into the battle vnth no other weapon but his trumpet. But now the combat thickened. On came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vauger and the fighting- men of the Wallabout ; after them thundered the Van Pelts of Ksopus, together with the Van % Desperate Struggle 199 Rippers and the Van Brunts, bearing down all before them ; then the Suy Dams, and the Van Dams, pressing forward with many a blustering oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, clad in their thunder-and-lightning gaberdines ; and. lastly, the standard-bearers and body-guard of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver of the Manhattoes. And now commenced the horrid din, the des- perate struggle, the maddening ferocity, the frantic desperation, the confusion and self- abandonment of war. Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. The heavens were darkened with a tempest of mis- sives. Bang ! went the guns ; whack ! went the broad-swords ; thump ! went the cudgels ; crash ! went the musket-stocks : blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black eyes, and bloody noses swelling the horrors of the scene ! Thick thwack, cut and hack, helter-skelter, higgledy- piggledy, hurly-burly, head-over-heels, rough- and-tumble ! Dunder and blixun ! swore the Dutchmen ; splitter and splutter ! cried the Swedes. Storm the w orks ! shouted Hardkop- pig Peter. Fire the mine ! roared stout Risingh. Tanta-rar-ra-ra ! twanged the trumpet of Antony Van Corlear ; — until all voice and sound became unintelligible, — grunts of pain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph mingling in one hideous 200 1bl6tor^ of Bew lork clamor. The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke ; trees shrunk aghast, and withered at the sight ; rocks burrowed in the ground like rabbits ; and even Christina creek turned from its course, and ran up a hill in breathless terror ! I^ong hung the contest doubtful ; for though a heavy shower of rain, sent by the "cloud- compelling Jove," in some measure cooled their ardor, as doth a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting mastiffs, yet did they but pause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury to the charge. Just at this juncture a vast and dense column of smoke was seen slowly rolling toward the scene of battle. The combatants paused for a moment, gazing in mute astonish- ment, until the wind, dispelling the murky cloud, revealed the flaunting banner of Michael Paw, the Patroon of Communipaw. That valiant chieftain came fearlessly on at the head of a phalanx of oyster-fed Pavonians and a corps de reserve of the Van Arsdales and Van Bummels, who had remained behind to digest the enor- mous dinner they had eaten. These now trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes with outrageous vigor, so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned, but marching exceedingly slow, being short of leg, and of great rotundity in the belt. panic ot tbe Dutcb 201 Aud now the deities who watched over the fortunes of the Nederlanders having unthink- ingly left the field, and stepped into a neighbor- ing tavern to refresh themselves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had wellnigh ensued. Scarce had the myrmidons of Michael Paw attained the front of battle, when the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh, levelled a shower of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this assault, and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderous warriors gave w^ay, and like a drove of frightened ele- phants broke through the ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers were borne down in the surge ; the sacred banner emblazoned with the gigantic oyster of Communipaw was tram- pled in the dirt ; on blundered and thundered the hea^'7-stemed fugitives, the Swedes pressing on their rear and applying their feet a parte poste of the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels with a vigor that prodigiously accelerated their movements ; nor did the renowned Michael Paw himself fail to receive divers grievous and dishonorable visitations of shoe-leather. But what, O Muse ! was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant, when from afar he saw his army giving way ! In the transports of his wrath he sent forth a roar, enough to shake the very hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up 202 1bi6tors of IWew l^orfe new courage at the sound, or, rather, they rallied at the voice of their leader, of whom they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes in Christendom. "Without waiting for their aid, the daring Peter dashed, sword in hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then might be seen achievements worthy of the days of the giants. Wherever he went, the enemy shrank before him ; the Swedes fled to right and left, or were driven, like dogs, into their own ditch ; but as he pushed forward singly with headlong courage, the foe closed behind and hung upon his rear. One aimed a blow full at his heart ; but the protecting power which watches over the great and good turned aside the hostile blade and directed it into a side-pocket, where reposed an enormous iron tobacco-box, en- dowed, like the shield of Achilles, with super- natural powers, doubtless from bearing the portrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. Peter Stuyvesant turned like an angry bear upon the foe, and seizing him as he fled, by an immeas- urable queue, * ' Ah, whoreson caterpillar, ' ' roared he, "here 's what shall make worms' meat of thee ! " So saying, he whirled his sword, and dealt a blow that would have decapi- tated the varlet, but that the pitying steel struck short and shaved the queue forever from his crown. At this moment au arquebusier, levelled IRival "fcerocs 203 his piece from a neighboring mound, with dead- ly aim ; but the watchful Minerva, who had just stopped to tie up her garter, seeing the peril of her favorite hero, sent old Boreas with his bel- lows, who, as the match descended to the pan, gave a blast that blew the priming from the touchhole. Thus waged the fight, when the stout Risingh, survej'ing the field from the top of a little rave- lin, perceived his troops banged, beaten, and kicked by the invincible Peter. Drawing his falchion and uttering a thousand anathemas, he strode down to the scene of combat with some such thundering strides as Jupiter is said by Hesiod to have taken when he strode down the spheres to hurl his thunder-bolts at the Titans. When the rival heroes came face to face, each made a prodigious start in the style of a veteran stage-champion. Then did they regard each other for a moment with the bitter aspect of two furious ram-cats on the point of a clapper- clawing. Then did they throw themselves into one attitude, then into another, striking their swords on the ground, first on the right side, then on the left ; at last at it they went, with incredible ferocity. Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valor displayed in this direful encounter, — an encounter compared to which the far-famed battles of Ajax with 204 Distort of mew l^ork Hector, of ^neas with Tumus, Orlando with Rodomont, Guy of Warwick with Colbrand the Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight, Sir Owen of the Mountains, with the giant Guylon, were all gentle sports and holiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, watching his op- portunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his adversary to the very chine ; but Risingh, nimbly raising his sword, warded it oflf so nar- rowly, that, glancing on one side, it shaved away a huge canteen in which he carried his liquor, — thence pursuing its trenchant course, it severed off a deep coat-pocket, stored with bread and cheese, — which provant rolling among the armies, occasioned a fearful scrambling be- tween the Swedes and Dutchmen, and made the general battle to wax more furious than ever. Enraged to see his military stores laid waste, the stout Risingh, collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the hero's crest. In vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course. The biting steel clove through the stubborn ram beaver, and would have cracked the crown of any one not endowed with supernatural hard- ness of head ; but the brittle weapon shivered in pieces on the skull of Hardkoppig Piet, shedding a thousand sparks like beams of glory, round his grisly visage. The good Peter reeled with the blow, and 3faU ot tbc Cbicttalns 205 turning up his eyes beheld a thousand suns, be- sides moons and stars, dancing about the firma- ment ; at length, missing his footing, by reason of his wooden leg, down he came on his seat of honor with a crash which shook the surrounding hills, and might have wrecked his frame, had he not been received into a cushion softer than velvet, which Providence, or Minerv^a, or St. Nicholas, or some cow, had benevolently pre- pared for his reception. The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, cherished by all true knights, that ' ' fair play is a jewel," hastened to take advantage of the hero's fall ; but, as he stooped to give a fatal blow, Peter Stuyvesant dealt him a thwack over the sconce with his wooden leg, which set a chime of bells ringing triple bob-majors in his cerebellum. The bewildered Swede staggered with the blow, and the wary Peter seizing a pocket-pistol, which lay hard by, discharged it full at the head of the reeling Risingh. Let not my reader mistake ; it was not a murderous weapon loaded with powder and ball, but a little sturdy stone pottle charged to the muzzle with a double dram of true Dutch courage, which the knowing Antony Van Corlear carried about him by way of replenishing his valor, and which had dropped from his wallet during his furious en- counter with the drummer. The hideous weapon 2o6 1bi0tors ot Bcw l^orft sang througli the air, and true to its course as was the fragment of a rock discharged at Hector by bully Ajax, encountered the head of the gigantic Swede with matchless violence. This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The ponderous pericranium of General Jan Risingh sank upon his breast ; his knees tottered under him ; a death-like torpor seized upon his frame, and he tumbled to the earth with such violence, that old Pluto started with affright, lest he should have broken through the roof of his infernal palace. His fall was the signal of defeat and victory ; the Swedes gave way, the Dutch pressed for- ward ; the former took to their heels, the latter hotly pursued. Some entered with them, pell- mell, through the sally-port ; others stormed the bastion, and others scrambled over the curtain. Thus in a little while the fortress of Fort Chris- tina, which, like another Troy, had stood a siege of full ten hours, was carried by assault, without the loss of a single man on either side. Victory, in the likeness of a gigantic oxfly, sat perched upon the cocked hat of the gallant Stuyvesant ; and it was declared, by all the writers whom he hired to write the history of his expedition, that on this memorable day he gained a suffi- cient quantity of glory to immortalize a dozen of the greatest heroes in Christendom ! CHAPTER IX. IN WHICH THE AUTHOR AND THE READER, WHII,E REPOSING AFTER THE BATTI^E, FAI^I, INTO A VERY GRAVE DISCOURSE— AFTER WHICH IS RECORDED THE CONDUCT OF PETER STUYVESANT AFTER HIS VICTORY. THANKS to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished this tremendous battle ; let us sit down, my worthy reader, and cool ourselves, for I am in a prodigious sweat and agitation ; truly this fighting of battles is hot work ! and if your great commanders did but know what trouble they give their historians, they would not have the conscience to achieve so many horrible victories. But methinks I hear my reader com- plain, that throughout this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter, nor a single individual maimed, if we except the unhappy Swede, who was shorn of his queue by the trenchant blade of Peter Stuyvesant ; all which, he observes, is a great outrage on probability, and highly in- jurious to the interest of the narration. 2o8 t>i6tov^ Of Bcw ISovft This is certainly an objection of no little mo- ment, but it arises entirely from the obscurity enveloping the remote periods of time about which I have undertaken to write. Thus, though doubtless, from the importance of the object and the prowess of the parties concerned, there must have been terrible carnage, and prodigies of valor displayed before the walls of Christina, yet, notwithstanding that I have consulted every history, manuscript, and tradition, touching this memorable though long-forgotten battle, I cannot find mention made of a single man killed or wounded in the whole affair. This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers, who, unlike their descendants, were never prone to vaunt of their achievements ; but it is a virtue which places their historian in a most embarrassing predica- ment ; for, having promised my readers a hideous and unparalleled battle, and having worked them up into a warlike and blood- thirsty state of mind, to put them oif without any havoc and slaughter would have been as bitter a disappointment as to summon a multi- tude of good people to attend an execution, and then cruelly balk them by a reprieve. Plad the fates only allowed me some half a score of dead men, I had been content ; for I would have made them such heroes as abound- Zbc JSlooDlcse :©attlc 209 ed in the olden time, but whose race is now unfortunately extinct, — any one of whom, if we may believe those authentic writers, the poets, could drive great armies, like sheep, before him, and conquer and desolate whole cities by his single arm. But seeing that I had not a single life at my disposal, all that was left me was to make the most I could of my battle, by means of kicks, and cufifs, and bruises, and such like ignoble wounds. And here I cannot but compare my dilemma, in some sort, to that of the divine Milton, who, having arrayed with sublime preparation his immortal hosts against each other, is sadly put to it how to manage them, and how he shall make the end of his battle answer to the beginning, inasmuch as, being mere spirits, he cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give a flesh wound to any of his comba- tants. For my part, the greatest difficulty I found was, when I had once put my warriors in a passion, and let them loose into the midst of the enemy, to keep them from doing mis- chief. Many a time had I to restrain the sturdy Peter from cleaving a gigantic Swede to the very waistband, or spitting hall a dozen little fellows on his sword, like so many sparrows, and when I had set some hundred of missives flying it_ the air, I did not dare to suffer one of 2IO 1bi6tors of Bew l^orft them to reach, the ground, lest it should have put an end to some unlucky Dutchman. The reader cannot conceive how mortifying it is to a writer thus in a manner to have his hands tied, and how many tempting opportuni- ties I had to wink at, where I might have made as fine a death-blow as any recorded in history or song. From my own experience I begin to doubt most potently of the authenticity of many of Homer's stories. I verily believe that, when he had once launched one of his favorite heroes among a crowd of the enemy, he cut down many an honest fellow, without any authority for so doing, excepting that he presented a fair mark, — and that often a poor fellow was sent to grim Pluto's domains, merely because he had a name that would give a sounding turn to a period. But I disclaim all such unprincipled liberties ; let me but have truth and the law on my side, and no man would fight harder than myself; but since the various records I con- sulted did not warrant it, I had too much conscience to kill a single soldier. By St. Nicholas, but it would have been a pretty piece of business ! My enemies, the critics, who I foresee will be ready enough to lay any crime they can discover at my door, might have charged me with murder outright, and I should Butbor'5 IReflectlons 211 have esteemed myself lucky to escape "with no harsher verdict than manslaughter ! And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquil- ly sitting down here, smoking our pipes, permit me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which at this moment passes across my mind. How vain, how fleeting, how uncertain are all those gaudy bubbles after which we are panting and toiling in this world of fair delusions. The wealth which the miser has amassed with so many weary days, so many sleepless nights, a spendthrift here may squander away in joyless prodigality ; the noblest monuments which pride has ever reared to perpetuate a name, the hand of time will shortly tumble into ruins ; and even the brightest laurels, gained by feats of arms, may wither, and be forever blighted by the chilling neglect of mankind. ** How many illustrious heroes," says the good Boe- tius, "who were once the pride and glory of the age, hath the silence of historians buried in eternal oblivion ! " And this it was that in- duced the Spartans, when they went to battle, solemnly to sacrifice to the Muses, supplicating that their achievements might be worthily re- corded. Had not Homer tuned his lofty lyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the valor of Achil- les had remained unsung. And such, too, after all the toils and perils he had braved, after all 212 Ibfstor^ of IRew l^orft the gallant actions he had achieved, such, too, had nearly been the fate of the chivalric Peter Stujrvesant, but that I fortunately stepped in and engraved his name on the indelible tablet of history, just as the caitiff Time was silently brushing it away forever ! The more I reflect the more I am astonished at the important character of the historian. Ke is the sovereign censor to decide upon the re- nown or infamy of his fellow-men. He is the patron of kings and conquerors, on whom it depends whether they shall live in after-ages, or be forgotten as were their ancestors before them. The tyrant may oppress while the ob- ject of his tyranny exists ; but the historian possesses superior might, for his power extends even beyond the grave. The shades of departed and long-forgotten heroes anxiously bend down from above, while he writes, v/atching each movement of his pen, whether it shall pass by their names with neglect, or inscribe them on the deathless pages of renown. Even the drop of ink which hangs trembling on his pen, which he may either dash upon the floor or waste in idle scrawlings, — that very drop, which to him is not worth the twentieth part of a farthing, may be of incalculable value to some departed worthy, may elevate half a score, in one mo- ment, to immortality, who would have given fmmortal 3Fame 213 worlds, had they possessed them, to insure the glorious meed. Let not my readers imagine, however, that I am indulging in vainglorious boastings, or am anxious to blazon forth the importance of my tribe. On the contrary, I shrink when I reflect on the awful responsibility we historians as- sume ; I shudder to think what direful commo- tions and calamities we occasion in the world ; I swear to thee, honest reader, as I am a man, I weep at the very idea ! Why, let me ask, are so many illustrious men daily tearing them- selves away from the embraces of their families, sHghting the smiles of beauty, despising the allurements of fortune, and exposing themselves to the miseries of war ? Why are kings deso- lating empires, and depopulating whole coun- tries ? In short, what induces all great men of all ages and countries to commit so many victo- ries and misdeeds, and inflict so many miseries upon mankind and upon themselves, but the mere hope that some historian will kindly take them into notice, and admit them into a comer of his volume? For, in short, the mighty ob- ject of all their toils, their hardships, and pri- vations is nothing but immortal fame. And what is immortal fame ? — why, half a page of dirty paper ! Alas ! alas ! how humiliating the idea, that the renown of so great a man as Peter 214 Ibistorg of mew l^ork Stuyvesant should depend upon the pen of so little a man as Diedrich Knickerbocker ! And now, having refreshed ourselves after the fatigues and perils of the field, it behooves us to return once more to the scene of conflict, and inquire what were the results of this renowned conquest. The fortress of Christina being the fair metropolis, and in a manner the key to New Sweden, its capture was speedily followed by the entire subjugation of the province. This was not a little promoted by the gallant and courteous deportment of the chivalric Peter. Though a man terrible in battle, yet in the hour of victory was he endued with a spirit generous, merciful, and humane. He vaunted not over his enemies, nor did he make defeat more gall- ing by unmanly insults ; for like that mirror of knightly virtue, the renowned Paladin Orlando, he was more anxious to do great actions than to talk of them after they were done. He put no man to death ; ordered no houses to be burnt down ; permitted no ravages to be perpe- trated on the property of the vanquished ; and even gave one of his bravest officers a severe admonishment with his walking-staff" for having been detected in the act of sacking a hen-roost. He moreover issued a proclamation inviting the inhabitants to submit to the authority of their High Mightinesses ; but declaring, with Submission of IRew Sweden 215 unexampled clemency, that wlioever refused should be lodged at the public expense in a goodly castle provided for the purpose, and have an armed retinue to wait on them in the bargain. In consequence of these beneficent terms about thirty Swedes stepped manfully forward and took the oath of allegiance ; in re- ward for which they were graciously permitted to remain on the banks of the Delaware, where their descendants reside at this very day. I am told, however, by divers observant travellers that they have never been able to get over the chapfallen looks of their ancestors, but that they still do strangely transmit from father to son manifest marks of the sound drubbing given them by the sturdy Amsterdammers. The whole country of New Sweden, having thus yielded to the arms of the triumphant Peter, was reduced to a colony called South River, and placed under the superintendence of a lieutenant-governor, subject to the control of the supreme government of New Amster- dam. This great dignitary was called Mynheer William Beekman, or rather Beck--nia.n, who derived his surname, as did Ovidious Naso of yore, from the lordly dimensions of his nose, which projected from the centre of his counte- nance like the beak of a parrot. He was the great progenitor of the tribe of the Beekmans, 2i6 1bi6tors of *lew l^orU -one of the most ancient and honorable families of the province, the members of which do grate- fully commemorate the origin of their dignity, — not as yom: noble families in England would do, by having a glowing proboscis emblazoned on their escutcheon, but by one and all wearing a right goodly nose, stuck in the very middle of their faces. Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously terminated, with the loss of only two men : Wolfert Van Home, a tall spare man, who was knocked overboard by the boom of a sloop in a flaw of wind, and fat Brom Van Bummel, who was suddenly carried off by an indigestion ; both, however, were immortalized, as having bravely fallen in the service of their country. True it is, Peter Stuyvesant had one of his limbs terribly fractured in the act of storming the fortress ; but as it was fortunately his wood- en leg, the wound was promptly and effectually healed. And now nothing remains to this branch of my history but to mention that this immacu- late hero and his victorious army returned joy- ously to the Manhattoes, where they made a solemn and triumphant entry, bearing with them the conquered Risingh, and the remnant of his battered crew, who had refused allegiance ; for it appears that the gigantic Swede had only •Return ot tbe Dfctors 217 fallen into a swoon, at the end of the battle, from which he was speedily restored by a whole- some tweak of the nose. These captive heroes were lodged, according to the promise of the governor, at the public expense, in a fair and spacious castle, — being the prison of state, of which Stoffel BrinkerhofiF, the immortal conqueror of Oyster Bay, was appointed governor, and which has ever since remained in the possession of his descendants.* It was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness the joy of the people of New Amsterdam at beholding their warriors once more return from this war in the wilderness. The old women thronged round Antony Van Corlear, who gave the whole history of the campaign with matchless accuracy, saying that he took the credit of fighting the whole battle himself, and especially of vanquishing the stout Risingh, — which he considered himself as clearly entitled to, seeing that it was effected by his own stone pottle. The schoolmasters throughout the town gave holidays to their little urchins, who followed in droves after the drums, with paper caps on their heads, and sticks in their breeches, thus taking ♦This castle, though very much altered and modern- ized, is still in being, and stands at the comer of Pearl Street, facing Coeuties Slip. 2i8 Ibistor^ of IRew lorh the first lesson in the art of war. As to the sturdy rabble, they thronged at the heels of Peter Stuyvesant wherever he went, waving their greasy hats in the air, and shouting " Hardkoppig Piet forever ! " It was indeed a day of roaring rout and jubilee. A huge dinner was prepared at the Stadthouse in honor of the conquerors, where were assembled in one glorious constellation the great and little luminaries of New Am- sterdam. There were the lordly Schout and obsequious deputy ; the burgomasters with their officious schepens at their elbows ; the subaltern officers at the elbows of the schepens, and so on down to the lowest hanger-on of police : every tag having his rag at his side, to finish his pipe, drink off his heel-taps, and laugh at his flights of immortal dulness. In short, — for a city feast is a city feast all the world over, and has been a city feast ever since the creation, — the dinner went off much the same as do our great corporation junketings and Fourth-of July ban- quets. Loads of fish, flesh, and fowl were de- voured, oceans of liquor drank, thousands of pipes smoked, and many a dull joke honored with much obstreperous fat-sided laughter. I must not omit to mention that to this far- famed victory Peter Stuyvesant was indebted for another of his many titles ; for so hugely de- t>ictet t>e (5rooOt 219 lighted were the honest burghers with his achievements, that they unanimously honored him with the name of Picter de Groodt, that is to say, Peter the Great, or, as it was translated into EngUsh by the people of New Amsterdam, for the benefit of their New England visitors, Piet de pig, — an appellation which he main- tained even unto the day of his death. BOOK VII. CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE RBIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG — HIS TROUBI.ES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DE- CI^INE AND FAI,Iy OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY. CHAPTER I. HOW PETER STUYVESANT RELIEVED THE SOV- EREIGN PEOPLE FROM THE BURDEN OF TAK- ING CARE OF THE NATION ; WITH SUNDRY PARTICULARS OF HIS CONDUCT IN TIME OF PEACE, AND OF THE RISE OF A GREAT DUTCH ARISTOCRACY. THE history of the reign of Peter Stuyvesant furnishes an edifying picture of the cares and vexations inseparable from sovereignty, and a solemn warning to all who are ambitious of attaining the seat of honor. Though returning in triumph and crowned with victory, his exul- "Kistng ^factions 221 tation was checked on observing the abuses which had sprung up in New Amsterdam during his short absence. His walking-staff, which he had sent home to act as vicegerent, had, it is true, kept his council-chamber in order, — the counsellors eying it with awe, as it lay in grim repose upon the table, and smoking their pipes in silence, — but its control extended not out of doors. The populace unfortunately had had too much their own way under the slack though fitful reign of William the Testy ; and though upon the accession of Peter Stuyvesant they had felt, with the instinctive perception which mobs as well as cattle possess, that the reins of government had passed into stronger hands, yet could they not help fretting and chafing and champing upon the bit, in restive silence. Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his expedition against the Swedes, than the old factions of William Kieft's reign had again thrust their heads above water. Pothouse meetings were again held to " discuss the state of the nation," where cobblers, tinkers, and tailors, the self-dubbed "friends of the people," once more felt themselves inspired with the gift of legislation, and undertook to lecture on every movement of government. Now, as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular in- 222 Dlstors ot IFlew l^orh clination to govern the province by his indi- vidual will, his first move, on his return, was to put a stop to this gratuitous legislation. Accord- ingly, one evening, when an inspired cobbler was holding forth to an assemblage of the kind, the intrepid Peter suddenly made his appearance, with his ominous walking-staff in his hand, and a countenance sufl&cient to petrify a mill-stone. The whole meeting was thrown into confusion, the orator stood aghast, with open mouth and trembling knees, while * ' horror ! tyranny ! liberty ! rights ! taxes ! death ! destruction ! '* and a host of other patriotic phrases were bolted forth before he had time to close his lips. Peter took no notice of the skulking throng, but strode up to the brawling bully-ruffian, and pulling out a huge silver watch, which might have served in times of yore as a town-clock, and which is still retained by his descendants as a family curiosity, requested the orator to mend it, and set it going. The orator humbly con- fessed that it was utterly out of his power, as he was unacquainted with the nature of its con- struction. * ' Nay, but, ' ' said Peter, ' ' try your ingenuity, man : you see all the springs and wheels, and how easily the clumsiest hand may stop it, and pull it to pieces ; and why should it not be equally easy to regulate as to stop it? " The orator declared that his trade was wholly XTbe Cobbler^s Contu6ion 223 diflferent, — that he was a poor cobbler, and had never meddled with a watch in his life, — that there were men skilled in the art, whose busi- ness it was to attend to those matters ; but for his part, he should only mar the workmanship and put the whole in confusion. ** Why, harkee, master of mine," cried Peter, — turning suddenly upon him, with a countenance that almost petrified the patcher of shoes into a perfect lapstone, — " dost thou pretend to meddle with the movements of government, — to regu- late, and correct, and patch, and cobble a com- plicated machine, the principles of which are above thy comprehension, and its simplest workings too subtle for thy understanding, when thou canst not correct a trifling error in a common piece of mechanism, the whole mys- tery of which is open to thy inspection ? Hence with thee to the leather and stone, which are emblems of thy head ; cobble thy shoes, and confine thyself to the vocation for which Heaven has fitted thee. But," elevating his voice until it made the welkin ring, " if ever I catch thee, or any of thy tribe, meddling again with the affairs of government, by St. Nicholas, but I '11 have every mother's bastard of ye flay'd alive, and your hides stretched for drum-heads, that ye may thenceforth make a noise to some 224 1bi0tor^ ot IFlew ^oxh This threat, and the tremenduous voice in which it was uttered, caused the whole multi- tude to quake with fear. The hair of the orator rose on his head like his own swines' bristles, and not a knight of the thimble present but his heart died within him, and he felt as though he could have verily escaped through the eye of a needle. The assembly dispersed in silent con- sternation ; the pseudo-statesmen, who had hitherto undertaken to regulate public affairs, were now fain to stay at home, hold their tongues, and take care of their families ; and party feuds died away to such a degree, that many thriving keepers of taverns and dram- shops were utterly ruined for want of business. But though this measure produced the desired effect in putting an extinguisher on the new lights just brightening up, yet did it tend to in- jure the popularity of the Great Peter with the thinking part of the community, that is to say, that part which thinks for others instead of for themselves, or, in other words, who attend to everybody's business but their own. These ac- cused the old governor of being highly aristo- cratical ; and iu truth there seems to have been some ground for such an accusation ; for he car- ried himself with a lofty, soldier-like air, and was somewhat particular in dress, appearing, when not in uniform, in rich apparel of the an- state anJ) Cexcmom 225 tique flaundrish cut, and was especially noted for having his sound leg (which was a very comely one) always arrayed in a red stocking and high-heeled shoe. Justice he often dispensed in the primitive patriarchial way, seated on the *' stoep " before his door, under the shade of a great button- wood tree ; but all visits of form and state were received with something of court ceremony in the best parlor ; where Antony the Trumpeter officiated as high chamberlain. On public oc- casions he appeared with great pomp of equi- page, and always rode to church in a yellow wagon with flaming red wheels. These symptoms of state and ceremony, as vve have hinted, were much cavilled at by the thinking (and talking) part of the community-. They had been accustomed to find easy access to their former governors, and in particular had lived on terms of extreme intimacy with Wil- liam the Testy ; and they accused Peter Stuyve- sant of assuming too much dignity and reserve, and of wrapping himself in mystery. Others, however, have pretended to discover in all this a shrewd policy on the part of the old governor^ It is certainly of the first importance, say they, that a country should be governed by wise men ; but then it is almost equally important that the people should think them wise ; for 226 Ibistorg of Bew l^orft this belief alone can produce willing subordina- tion. To keep up, however, this desirable con- fidence in rulers, the people should be allowed to see as little of them as possible. It is the mystery which envelops great men, that gives them half their greatness. There is a kind of superstitious reverence for office which leads us to exaggerate the merits of the occupant, and to suppose that he must be wiser than common men. He, however, who gains access to cabi- nets, soon finds out by what foolishness the world is governed. He finds that there is quackery in legislation as in every thing else ; that rulers have their whims and errors as well as other men, and are not so wonderfully supe- rior as he imagined, since even he may occa- sionally confute them in argument. Thus awe subsides into confidence, confidence inspires familiarity, and familiarity produces contempt. Such was the case, they say, with William the Testy. By making himself too easy of access, he enabled every scrub politician to measure wits with him, and to find out the true dimen- sions not only of his person but of his mind ; and thus it was that, by being familiarly scanned, he was discovered to be a very little man. Peter Stuyvesant, on the contrary, say they, by conducting himself with dignity and loftiness, was looked up to with great reverence. ^be Dutcb Bristocracs 227 As tie never gave his reasons for any thing he did, the public gave him credit for very profound ones ; every moment, however intrinsically un- important, was a matter of speculation ; and his very red stockings excited some respect, as be- ing diflferent from the stockings of other men. Another charge against Peter Stuyvesant was that he had a great leaning in favor of the patri- cians ; and indeed in his time rose many of those mighty Dutch families which have taken such vigorous root, and branched out so luxviriantly in our State. Some, to be sure, were of earlier date, such as the Van Kortlandts, the Van Zandts, the Ten Broecks, the Harden Broecks, and others of Pavonian renown, who gloried in the title of ''Discoverers," from having been engaged in the nautical expedition from Com- munipaw, in which they so heroically braved the terrors of Hell-gate and Buttermilk Channel, and discovered a site for New Amsterdam. Others claimed to themselves the appellation of "Conquerors," from their gallant achieve- ments in New Sweden and their victory over the Yankees at Oyster Bay. Such was that list of warlike worthies heretofore enumerated, be- ginning with the Van Wycks, the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks, and extending to the Rut- gers, the Bensons, the Brinkerhoffs, and the Schermerhoms, — a roll equal to the Doomsday- 228 1bl0tori2 of 'B^ew 13orft •Book of William the Conqueror, and establish- ing the heroic origin of many an ancient aristo- cratical Dutch family. These, after all, are the only legitimate nobility and lords of the soil ; these are the real ' ' beavers of the Manhattoes ' ' ; and much does it grieve me in modem days to see them elbowed aside by foreign invaders, and more especially by those ingenious people, "the Sons of the Pilgrims " ; who out-bargain them in the market, out-speculate them on the ex- change, out-top them in fortune, and run up mushroom palaces so high that the tallest Dutch family mansion has not w4nd enough left for its weathercock. In the proud days of Peter Stuyvesant, how- ever, the good old Dutch aristocracy loomed out in all its grandeur. The burly burgher, in round-crowned flaundrish hat with brim of vast circumference, in portly gabardine and bulbous multiplicity of breeches, sat on his "stoep" and smoked his pipe in lordly silence ; nor did it ever enter his brain that the active, restless Yankee, whom he saw through his half-shut eyes worrying about in dog-day heat, ever intent on the main chance, was one day to usurp con- trol over these goodly Dutch domains. Already, however, the races regarded each other with disparaging eyes. The Yankees sneeringly spoke of the round-crowned burghers of the Manhat- Zbc Dutcb Brtstocracg 229 toes as the "Copperheads," while the latter, glorying in their own nether rotundity, and ob- serving the slack galligaskins of their rivals, flapping like an empty sail against the mast, retorted upon them with the opprobrious appel- lation of ** Platter-breeches." CHAPTER II. HOW PETER STUYVESANT I^ABORED TO CIYII^IZE THE COMMUNITY — HOW HE WAS A GREAT PROMOTER OF HOI,IDAYS — HOW HE INSTI- TUTED KISSING ON NEW-YEAR'S DAY — HOW HE DISTRIBUTED FIDDLES THROUGHOUT THE NEW NETHERI.ANDS — HOW HE VENTURED TO REFORM THE I^ADIES' PETTICOATS, AND HOW HE CAUGHT A TARTAR. FROM what I have recounted in the foregoing chapter I would not have it imagined that the great Peter was a tyrannical potentate, rul- ing with a rod of iron. On the contrary, where the dignity of office permitted, he abounded in generosity and condescension. If he refused the brawling multitude the right of misrule, he at least endeavored to rule them in righteous- ness. To spread abundance in the land, he obliged the bakers to give thirteen loaves to the dozen, — a golden rule which remains a mon- ument of his beneficence. So far from indul- ging in unreasonable austerity, he delighted to Ikissfng on IRew l^cars 231 see the poor aud the laboring man rejoice ; and for this purpose he was a great promoter of holi- days. Under his reign there was a great crack- ling of Eggs at Paas or Easter ; Whitsuntide or Pinxter also flourished in all its bloom ; and never were stockings better filled on the eve of the blessed St. Nicholas. New- Year's day, however, was his favorite festival, and was ushered in by the ringing of bells and firing of guns. On that genial day the fountains of hospitality were broken up, and the whole community was deluged with cherry -brandy, true Hollands, and mulled cider ; every house was a temple of the jolly god ; and many a provident vagabond got drunk out of ■pure economy — taking in liquor enough gratis to serve him half a year afterwards. The great assemblage, however, was at the governor's house, whither repaired all the burgh- ers of New Amsterdam with their wives and daughters, pranked out in their best attire. On this occasion the good Peter was devoutly ob- servant of the pious Dutch rite of kissing the ■womenkind for a happy new-year ; and it is traditional that Antony the Trumpeter, who acted as gentleman usher, took toll of all who were young and handsome, as they passed through the antechamber. This venerable custom, thus happily introduced, was followed 232 1bi6tori5 ot IFlew l^orft with such zeal by high and low, that on New- Year's day, during the reign of Peter Stuyve- sant, New Amsterdam was the most thoroughly be-kissed community in all Christendom. An- other great measure of Peter Stuyvesant for public improvement was the distribution of fiddles throughout the land. These were placed in the hands of veteran negroes, who were de- spatched as missionaries to every part of the province. This measure, it is said, was first suggested by Antony the Trumpeter ; and the effect was marvellous. Instead of those "in- dignation meetings " set on foot in the time of William the Testy, where men met together to rail at public abuses, groan over the evils of the times, and make each other miserable, there were joyous gatherings of the two sexes to dance and make merry. Now were instituted " quilting bees, " and "husking bees," and other rural assemblages, where, under the inspiring influence of the fiddle, toil was enlivened by gayety and followed up by the dance. "Raising bees " also were frequent, where houses sprung up at the wagging of the fiddle-sticks, as the walls of Thebes sprang up of yore to the sound of the lyre of Amphiou. Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures ovei hill and dale, was in those days a season for the lifting of the heel as well as the heart ; labor t)apps Dags 233 came danciug in the train of abundance, and frolic prevailed throughout the land. Happy- days ! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw Neder- landts were merry rather than wise ; and when the notes of the fiddle, those harbingers of good- humor and good-will, resounded at the close of the day from every hamlet along the Hudson ! Nor was it in rural communities alone that Peter Stuyvesant introduced his favorite engine of civilization. Under his rule the fiddle ac- quired that potent sway in New Amsterdam which it has ever since retained. "Weekly as- semblages were held, not in heated ball-rooms at midnight hours, but on Saturday afternoons, by the golden light of the sun, on the green lawn of the Batter}', — with Antony the trump- eter for master of ceremonies. Here would the good Peter take his seat under the spreading trees, among the old burghers and their wives, and watch the mazes of the dance. Here would he smoke his pipe, crack his joke, and forget the rugged toils of war in the sweet oblivious festivities of peace, giving a nod of approbation to those of the young men who shuffled and kicked most vigorously, and now and then a hearty smack, in all honesty of soul, to the buxom lass who held out longest, and tired down every competitor, — infallible proof of her being the best dancer. 234 tbistor^ of mew l^ork Once, it is true, tlie harmony of these meet- ings was in danger of interruption. A young belle, just returned from a visit to Holland, who of course led the fashions, made her ap- pearance in not more than half a dozen petti- coats, and these of alarming shortness. A whisper and a flutter ran through the assembly. The young men, of covirse, were lost in admira- tion, but the old ladies were shocked in the extreme, especially those who had marriageable daughters ; the young ladies blushed and felt excessively for the "poor thing," and even the governor himself appeared to be in some kind of perturbation. To complete the confusion of the good folks, she undertook, in the course of a jig, to describe some figures in algebra taught her by a dan- cing-master at Rotterdam. Unfortunately, at the highest flourish of her feet some vagabond zephyr obtruded his services, and a display of the graces took place, at which all the ladies present were thrown into great consternation, several grave country members were not a little moved, and the good Peter Stuyvesant himself was grievously scandalized. The shortness of the female's dress, which had continued in fashion ever since the days of William Kieft, had long offended his eye ; and though extremely averse to meddling with the :i£jbibitina tbe ©races 235 petticoats of the ladies, yet he immediately recommended that every one should be fur- nished with a flounce to the bottom. He like- wise ordered that the ladies, and indeed the gentlemen, should use no other step in dancing than ' * shuffle and turn, ' ' and * ' double trouble, ' ' and forbade, under pain of his high displeas- ure, any young lady thenceforth to attempt what was termed "exhibiting the graces." These were the only restrictions he ever im- posed upon the sex ; and these were considered by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted with that becoming spirit manifested by the gentle sex whenever their privileges are in- vaded. In fact, Antony Van Corlear, who, as has been shovra, was a sagacious man, experi- enced in the ways of women, took a private occasion to intimate to the governor that a con- spiracy was forming among the young vrouws of New Amsterdam, and that if the matter was pushed any further, there was danger of their leaving off petticoats altogether ; whereupon the good Peter shrugged his shoulders, dropped the subject, and ever after suffered the women to wear their petticoats and cut their capers as high as they pleased, a privilege which they have jealously maintained in the Manhattoes imto the present day. CHAPTER III. HOW troubi.es thicken on the province — how it is threatened by the HEI.DER- BERGERS — THE MERRYI.ANDERS, AND THE GIANTS OE THE SUSQUEHANNA. IN the last two chapters I have regaled the reader with a delectable picture of the good Peter and his metropolis during an inter- val of peace. It was, however, but a bit of blue sky in a stormy day; the clouds are again gathering up from all points of the compass, and, if I am not mistaken in my forebodings, we shall have rattling weather in the ensuing chapters. It is with some communities as it is with certain meddlesome individuals : they have a wonderful facility at getting into scrapes ; and I have always remarked that those are most prone to get in who have the least talent at getting out again. This is doubtless owing to Zvoublcs 0atbering 237 the excessive valor of those States ; for I have likewise noticed that this rampant quality is always most frothy and fussy where most con- fined, which accounts for its vaporing so amaz- ingly in little States, little men, and ugly little women more especially. Such is the case with this little province of the Nieuw Nederlandts, which, by its exceed- ing valor, has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies ; has had fighting enough to satisfy a province twice its size ; and is in a fair way of becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well- belabored, and woe-begone little pro\-ince, all which was pro\4dentially ordered to give inter- est and sublimity to this pathetic history. The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of Peter Stuyvesant was caused by hostile intelli- gence from the old belligerent nest of Rensel- laerstein. Killian, the lordly patroon of Rensel- laerwick, was again in the field, at the head of his myrmidons of the Helderberg, seeking to annex the whole of the Kaats-kill Mountains to his dominions. The Indian tribes of these mountains had likewise taken up the hatchet and menaced the venerable Dutch settlement of Esopus. Fain would I entertain the reader ^vith the triumphant campaign of Peter Stuyvesant in the haimted regions of those mountains, but 238 Ibistor^ of Bevv lork that I hold all Indian conflicts to be mere bar- baric brawls, unworthy of the pen which has re- corded the classic war of Fort Christina; and as to these Helderberg commotions, they are among the flatulencies which from time to time afilict the bowels of this ancient province, as with a wind-colic, and which I deem it seemly and decent to pass over in silence. The next storm of trouble was from the south. Scarcely had the worthy Mynheer Beekman got warm in the seat of authority on the South River, than enemies began to spring up all around him. Hard by was a formidable race of savages inhabiting the gentle region watered by the Susquehanna, of whom the following mention is made by Master Hariot, in his excel- lent history : "The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, strange in proportion, behavior, and attire — their voice sounding from them as out of a cave. Their tobacco-pipes were three quarters of a }'ard long ; carved at the great end with a bird, beare, or other device, suflicient to beat out the brains of a horse. The calfe of one of their legges measured three quarters of a yard about ; the rest of the limbs proportionable." * These gigantic savages and smokers caused no little disquiet in the mind of Mynheer Beek- *Hariot's Journal, Purch. Pilgrims. Zbc ^errglanDers 239 man, threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in the land ; but his most formidable enemy was the roaring, roistering English colony of Maryland, or, as it was anciently written, Merryland, — so called because the inhabitants, not having the fear of the Lord before their eyes, were prone to make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep and apple-toddy. They were, moreover, great horse-racers and cock-fighters, mighty wrestlers and jumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe- cake and bacon. They lay claim to be the first inventors of those recondite beverages, cock-tail, stone-fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have dis- covered the gastronomical merits of terrapins soft crabs, and canvas-back ducks. This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Balti- more, a British nobleman, was managed by his agent, a swaggering Englishman, commonly called Fendall, that is to say, "offend all," — a name given him for his bullying propensities. These were seen in a message to Mynheer Beekman, threatening him, unless he immedi- ately swore allegiance to Lord Baltimore as the rightful lord of the soil, to come, at the head of the roaring boys of Merryland and the giants of the Susquehanna, and sweep him and his Neder- landers out of the countn,'. The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost leaped from its scabbard when he received mis- 240 1bi5tor^ ot 1Flcw lock sives from Mynheer Beekman, informing him of the swaggering menaces of the bully Fendall ; and as to the giantly warriors of the Susque- hanna, nothing would have more delighted him than a bout, hand to hand, with half a score of them, having never encountered a giant in the whole course of his campaigns, unless we may consider the stout Risingh as such — and he was but a little one. Nothing prevented his marching instantly to the South River and enacting scenes still more glorious than those of Fort Christina, but the necessity of first putting a stop to the increasing aggressions and inroads of the Yankees, so as not to leave an enemy in his rear ; but he wrote to Mynheer Beekman to keep up a bold front and stout heart, promising, as soon as he had settled affairs in the east, that he would hasten to the south with his burly warriors of the Hudson, to lower the crest of the giants, and mar the merriment of the Merrylanders. CHAPTER IV. HOW PETER STUYVESANT ADVENTURED INTO THE EAST COUNTRY, AND HOW HE FARED THERE. TO explain the apparently sudden movement of Peter Stuyvesant against the crafty men of the Bast country, I would observe that, during his campaigns on the South River, and in the enchanted regions of the Catskill Moun- tains, the twelve tribes of the East had been more than usually active in prosecuting their subtle scheme for the subjugation of the Nieuw Nederlandts. Independent of the incessant maraudings among hen-roosts and squattings along the border, invading armies would penetrate, from time to time, into the very heart of the country. As their prototypes of yore went forth into the land of Canaan, with their wives and their chil- dren, their men-servants, and their maid-ser- vants, their flocks and herds, to settle them- selves down in the land and possess it, so these 242 tbistorg of IRcw lork chosen people of modem days would progress through the country in patriarchal style, con- ducting carts and wagons laden with household furniture, with women and children piled on top, and pots and kettles dangling beneath. At the tails of these vehicles would stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank-sided varlets, with axes on their shoulders and packs on their backs, reso- lutely bent upon ' ' locating ' ' themselves as they termed it, and improving the country. These were the most dangerous kind of invaders. It is true they were guilty of no overt acts of hos- tility ; but it was notorious that, wherever they got a footing, the honest Dutchman gradually disappeared, retiring slowly, as do the Indians be- fore the white men, being in some way or other talked and chafied, and bargained and swapped, and, in plain English, elbowed out of all those rich bottoms and fertile nooks in which our Dutch yeomanry are prone to nestle them- selves. Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to this kind of war in disguise, by which the Yankees were craftily aiming to subjugate his dominions. He was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all great-hearted men are apt to be ; but if he once fouud it out, his wrath was terrible. He now threw diplomacy to the dogs ; determined to appear no more by ambassadors, but to repair XLbc (Bovcrnor's tRceolvc 243 in person to the great council of the Amphicty- ons, bearing the sword in one hand and the olive branch in the other, and giving them their choice of sincere and honest peace, or open and iron war. His privy councillors were astonished and dis- mayed when he announced his determination. For once they ventured to remonstrate, setting forth the rashness of venturing his sacred per- son in the midst of a strange and barbarous people. They might as well have tried to turn a rusty weathercock with a broken-winded bel- lows. In the fiery heart of the iron-headed Peter sat enthroned the five kings of courage described by Aristotle ; and had the philosopher enumerated five hundred more, I verily believe he would have possessed them all. As to that better part of valor, called discretion, it was too cold-blooded a virtue for his tropical tempera- ment. Summoning, therefore, to his presence his trusty follower, Antony Van Corlear, he com- manded him to hold himself in readiness to ac- company him the following morning on this his hazardous enterprise. Now, Antony the Trum- peter was by this time a little stricken in years, but by dint of keeping up a good heart, and having never known care or sorrow (having never been married), he was still a hearty, jo- 244 1bi6torB ot Bew l^orft cund, rubicund, gamesome wag, and of great capacity in a doublet. This last was ascribed to his living a jolly life on those domains at the Hook, which Peter Stuyvesant had granted to him for his gallantry at Fort Casimir. Be this as it may, there was nothing that more delighted Antony than this command of the great Peter, for he could have followed the stout-hearted old governor to the world's end, with love and loyalty ; and he moreover still remembered the frolicking, and dancing, and bundling, and other disports of the east country, and entertained dainty recollections of numer- ous kind and buxom lasses, whom he longed exceedingly again to encounter. Thus then did this mirror of hardihood set forth, with no other attendant but his tnunpeter, upon one of the most perilous enterprises ever recorded in the annals of knight-errantry. For a single warrior to venture openly among a whole nation of foes, — but, above all, for a plain, downright Dutchman to think of negotiating with the whole council of New England ! — never was there knov/n a more desperate under- taking ! — Ever since I have entered upon the chronicles of this peerless but hitherto uncele- brated chieftain, has he kept me in a state of incessant action and anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constantly encountering. Oh ! ^be departure 245 for a chapter of the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, that I might repose on it as on a feather-bed ! Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once already rescued thee from the machi- nations of these terrible Amphictyons, by bring- ing the powers of v.'itchcraft to thine aid ? Is it not enough that I have followed thee un- daunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the horrid battle of Fort Christina ?— that I have been put incessantly to my trumps to keep thee safe and sound, — now warding off with my single pen the shower of dastard blows that fell upon thy rear, — now narrowly shielding thee from a deadly thrust, by a mere tobacco-box, — now casing thy dauntless skull with adamant, when even thy stubborn ram-beaver failed to resist the sword of the stout Risingh, — and now, not merely bringing thee off alive, but triumph- ant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede, by the desperate means of a paltry stone pottle ? Is not all this enough, but must thou still be plunging into new difficulties, and hazarding in headlong enterprise thyself, thy trumpeter, and thy historian ? And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a bux- om chambermaid, draws aside the sable curtains of the night, and out bounces from his bed the jolly red-haired Phcebus, startled at being 246 tbiatorg of IFlcw lock caught so late in the embraces of Dame Thetis. With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazen-footed steeds, and whips, and lashes, and splashes up the firmament, like a loitering coachman, half an hour behind his time. And now behold that imp of fame and prowess, the headstrong Peter bestriding a raw-boned, switch- tailed charger, gallantly arrayed in full regi- mentals, and bracing on his thigh that rusty, brass-hilted sword, which had wrought such fearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware. Behold hard after him his doughty tnmipeter, Van Corlear, mounted on a broken-winded, "wall-eyed, calico mare, his stone pottle, which had laid low the mighty Risingh, slung under his arm, and his trumpet displayed vaultingly in his right hand, decorated with a gorgeous banner, on which is emblazoned the great beaver of the Manhattoes. See them proudly issuing out of the city-gate, like an iron-clad hero of yore, with his faithful squire at his heels, the populace following with their eyes, and shouting many a parting wish, and hearty cheer- ing, — Farewell Hardkoppig Piet ! Farewell, honest Antony ! — Pleasant be your wayfaring — prosperous your return ! The stoutest hero that ever drew a sword, and the worthiest trum- peter that ever trod shoe-leather ! Legends are lamentably silent about the events 5)(fficultlc0 anD perils 247 that befell our adventurers in this their adven- turous travel, excepting the Stuyvesant manu- script, which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem, written on the occasion by- Dominie ^gidius Luyck,* who appears to have been the poet-laureate of New Amsterdam. This inestimable manuscript assures us that it was a rare spectacle to behold the great Peter and his loyal follower hailing the morning sun, and rejoicing in the clear countenance of nature, as they pranced it through the pastoral scenes of Bloemen Dael ; which, in those days, was a sweet and rural valley, beautified with many a bright wild-flower, refreshed by many a pure streamlet, and enlivened here and there by a delectable little Dutch cottage, sheltered under some sloping hill, and almost buried in em- bowering trees. Now did they enter upon the confines of Con- necticut, where they encountered many grievous difficulties and perils. At one place they were assailed by a troop of country squires and militia colonels, who, mounted on goodly steeds, hung upon their rear for several miles, harassing them exceedingly with guesses and questions, more especially the worthy Peter, whose silver-chased * This I^uyck was moreover rector of the I,atin School in Nieuw Nederlandts, 1663. There are two pieces ad- dressed to ^gidius Ivuyck in D. Seljm's MSS. of poesies, upon his marriage with Judith Iseudoom. Old MS, 248 f)i5tors of IRcw lorft leg excited not a little mangel. At another place, hard by the renowned town of Stamford, they were set upon by a great and mighty legion of church deacons, who imperiously demanded of them five shillings, for travelling on Sunday, and threatened to carry them captive to a neigh- boring church, whose steeple peered above the trees ; but these the valiant Peter put to rout with little diflSculty, insomuch that they bestrode their canes and galloped off in horrible confu- sion, leaving their cocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight. But not so easily did he escape from the hands of a crafty man of Py- quag, who, with undaunted perseverance, and repeated onsets, fairly bargained him out of his goodly switch-tailed charger, leaving in place thereof a villainous, foundered Narraganset pacer. But maugre all these hardships, they pursued their journey cheerily along the course of the soft-flowing Connecticut, whose gentle waves, says the song, roll through many a fertile vale and sunny plain, — now reflecting the lofty spires of the bustling city, and now the rural beauties of the humble hamlet, — now echoing with the busy hum of commerce, and now with the cheer- ful song of the peasant. At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was noted for warlike punctilio, order the sturdy f)onor0 to tbe l)cro 249 Antony to sound a courteous salutation ; though the manuscript observes that the inhabitants were thrown into great dismay when they heard of his approach. For the fame of his incompar- able achievements on the Delaware had spread throughout the east country, and they dreaded lest he had come to take vengeance on their manifold transgressions. But the good Peter rode through these towns with a smiling aspect, waving his hand with inexpressible majesty and condescension ; for he verily believed that the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust into their broken windows, and the festoons of dried apples and peaches which ornamented the fronts of their houses, were so many decorations in honor of his approach, as it was the custom in the days of chivalry to compliment renowned heroes by sumptuous displays of tapestry and gorgeous furniture. The women crowded to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed, so much does prowess in arms delight the gentle sex. The little children, too, ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at his regimentals, his brimstone breeches, and the silver garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must I omit to mention the joy which many strapping wenches betrayed at beholding the jovial Van Corlear, who had whilom delighted them so much with his trump- 250 Ibistors ot 1FICW l^orFi et, when he bore the great Peter's challenge to the Amphictyons. The kind-hearted Antony- alighted from his calico mare, and kissed them all with infinite loving-kindness, — and was right pleased to see a crew of little trumpeters crowd- ing around him for his blessing, each of whom he patted on the head, bade him be a good boy, and gave him a penny to buy molasses candy. CHAPTER V. HOW THE YANKEES SECRETIvY SOUGHT THE AID OF THE BRITISH CABINET IN THEIR HOSTII^E SCHEMES AGAINST THE MANHATTOES. NOW SO it happened that while the great and good Peter Stuyvesant, followed by his trusty squire, was making his chivalric progress through the East country, a dark and direful scheme of war against his beloved province was forming in that nursery of monstrous projects, the British Cabinet. This, we are confidently informed, was the result of the secret instigations of the great council of the league ; who, finding themselves totally incompetent to vie in arms with the heavy-sterned warriors of the Manhattoes and their iron-headed commander, sent emissaries to the British government, setting forth in elo- quent language the wonders and delights of this delicious little Dutch Canaan, and imploring 252 Ibistor^ ot Bew l^orft that a force might be sent out to invade it by pea, while they should cooperate by land. These emissaries arrived at a critical juncture, just as the British Lion was beginning to bristle up his mane and wag his tail ; for we are assured by the anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, that the astounding victory of Peter Stuyvesant at Fort Christina had resounded throughout Europe, and his annexation of the territory of New Sweden had awakened the jealousy of the British Cabinet for their wild lands at the south. This jealousy was brought to a head by the representations of Lord Balti- more, who declared that the territory thus an- nexed lay within the lands granted to him by the British crown, and he claimed to be protect- ed in his rights. Lord Sterling, another British subject, claimed the whole of Nassau, or Long Island, once the Ophir of William the Testy, but now the kitchen-garden of the Manhattoes, which he declared to be British territory by the right of discovery, but unjustly usurped by the Nederlanders. The result of all these rumors and representations was a sudden zeal on the part of his Majesty Charles the Second, for the safety and well-being of his transatlantic posses- sions, and especially for the recovery of the New Netherlands, which Yankee logic had, somehow or other, proved to be a continuity of the terri- Zcnl of fjins Gbarles 253 tory taken possession of for the British crown by the Pilgrims, when they landed on Plymouth Rock, fugitives from British oppression. All this goodly land, thus wrongfully held by the Dutchmen, he presented, in a fit of affection, to his brother, the Duke of York, — a donation truly royal, since none but great sovereigns have a right to give away what does not belong to them. That this munificent gift might not be merely nominal, his Majesty ordered that an armament should be straightway despatched to invade the city of New Amsterdam by land and water, and put his brother in complete posses- sion of the premises. Thus critically situated are the affairs of the New Nederlanders. While the honest burghers are smoking their pipes in sober security, and the pri\'y councillors are snoring in the council- chamber ; while Peter the Headstrong is un- dauntedly making his way through the east country in the confident hope by honest words and manly deeds to bring the grand council to terms, — a hostile fleet is sweeping like a thun- der-cloud across the Atlantic, soon to rattle a storm of war about the ears of the dozing Neder- landers, and to put the metal of their governor to the trial. But come what may, I here pledge my ve- racity that in all warlike conflicts and doubtful 254 Ibistons of IRcw l^orft perplexities he will ever acquit himself like a gallant, noble-minded, obstinate old cavalier. Forward, then, to the charge ! Shine out, propitious stars, on the renowned city of the Manhattoes, and the blessing of St. Nicholas go with thee — honest Peter Stuyvesant. CHAPTER VI. O^ PETER STUYVES ANT'S EXPEDITION INTO THE EAST COUNTRY, SHOWING THAT, THOUGH AN OI.D BIRD, HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND TRAP. GREAT nations resemble great men in this particular, that their greatness is seldom known until they get in trouble. Adversity, therefore, has been wisely denominated the or- deal of true greatness, which, like gold, can never receive its real estimation until it has passed through the furnace. In proportion, therefore, as a nation, a community, or an indi- vidual (possessing the inherent quality of great- ness) is involved in perils and misfortunes, in proportion does it rise in grandeur, and even when sinking under calamity, makes, like a house on fire, a more glorious display than ever it did in the fairest period of its prosperity. 256 l)i6tors of IWcw l^orft The vast empire of China, though teeming with population and imbibing and concentrating the wealth of nations, has vegetated through a succession of drowsy ages, and were it not for its internal revolutions and the subversion of its ancient government by the Tartars, might have presented nothing but a dull detail of monotonous prosperity. Pompeii and Hercu- laneum might have passed into oblivion, with a herd of their contemporaries, had they not been fortunately overwhelmed by a volcano. The renowned city of Troy acquired celebrity only from its ten years' distress and final con- flagration ; Paris rose in importance by the plots and massacres which ended in the ex- altation of Napoleon ; and even the mighty London had skulked through the records of time, celebrated for nothing of moment, ex- cepting the plague, the great fire, and Guy Fawkes' gunpowder plot ! Thus cities and em- pires creep along, enlarging in silent obscurity, until they burst forth in some tremendous ca- lamity — and snatch, as it were, immortality from the explosion ! The above principle being admitted, my reader will plainly perceive that the city of New Am- sterdam and its dependent province are on the high road to greatness. Dangers and hostil- ities threaten from every side, and it is really a Brrfval at JBoston 257 matter of astonishment how so small a state has been able, in so short a time, to entangle itself in so many difficulties. Ever since the province was first taken by the nose, at the Fort of Goed Hoop, in the tranquil days of Wouter Van Twil- ler, has it been gradually increasing in historic importance, and never could it have had a more appropriate chieftain to conduct it to the pin- nacle of grandeur than Peter Stuy vesant. This truly headstrong hero having success- fully effected his daring progress through the east country, girded up his loins as he ap- proached Boston, and prepared for the grand onslaught with the Amyhictyons, which was to be the crowning achievement of the campaign. Throwing Antony Van Corlear, who, with his calico mare, formed his escort and army, a little in the advance, and bidding him be of stout heart and great wind, he placed himself firmly in his saddle, cocked his hat more fiercely over his left eye, summoned all the heroism of his soul into his coimtenance, and, with one arm akimbo, the hand resting upon the pommel of his sword, rode into the great metropolis of the league, Antony sounding his trumpet before hkn in a manner to electrify the whole com- munity. Never was there such a stir in Boston as on this occasion ; never such a hurrying hither and 258 Ibistorg of Bew l^orft thither about the streets ; such popping of heads out of windows ; such gathering of knots in market-places. Peter Stuyvesant was a straight- forward man and prone to do every thing above- board. He would have ridden at once to the great council-house of the league and sounded a parley ; but the grand council knew the met- tlesome hero they had to deal with, and were not for doing things in a hurry. On the contrary, they sent forth deputations to meet him on the way, to receive him in a style befitting the great potentate of the Manhattoes, and to multi- ply all kind of honors, and ceremonies, and for- malities, and other courteous impediments in his path. Solemn banquets were accordingly given him, equal to thanksgiving feasts. Com- plimentary speeches were made him, wherein he was entertained with the surpassing virtues, long-sufferings, and achievements of the Pil- grim Fathers ; and it is even said he was treated to a sight of Plymouth Rock, — that great cor- ner-stone of Yankee empire. I will not detain my readers by recounting the endless devices by which time was wasted, and obstacles and delays multiplied to the in- finite annoyance of the impatient Peter. Nei- ther will I fatigue them by dwelling on his negotiations with the grand council, when he at length brought them to business. Sufl5ce it BstounDlng "ffntelliacncc 259 to say, it was like most other diplomatic nego- tiations ; a great deal was said and very little done ; one conversation led to another, one con- ference begot misunderstandings which it took a dozen conferences to explain, at the end of which both parties found themselves just where they had begun, but ten times less likely to come to an agreement. In the midst of these perplexities which be- wildered the brain and incensed the ire of hon- est Peter, he received private intelligence of the dark conspiracy matured in the British Cabinet, with the astounding fact that a British squadron was already on the way to invade New Amsterdam by sea, and that the grand council of Amphictyons, while thus beguiling him with subtleties, were actually prepared to cooperate by land ! Oh ! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar, when he found himself thus entrapped, like a lion in the hunter's toil ! Now did he draw his trusty sword, and determine to break in upon the council of the Amphictyons and put every mother's son of them to death. Now did he resolve to fight his way throughout all the region of the east and to lay waste Connec- ticut River ! Gallant, but unfortunate Peter ! Did I not enter with sad forebodings on this ill-starred 26o Ibistorg ot "ftew l^ocft expedition ? Did I not tremble when I saw thee, with no other counsellor than thine own head ; no other armor than an honest tongue, a spotless conscience, and a rusty sword; no other protector but St. Nicholas, and no other attendant but a trumpeter ; did I not tremble when I beheld thee thus sally forth to contend with all the knowing powers of New England ? It was a long time before the kind-hearted expostulations of Antony Van Corlear, aided by the soothing melody of his trumpet, could lower the spirits of Peter Stuyvesant from their war- like and vindictive tones, and prevent his mak- ing widows and orphans of half the population of Boston. With great difficulty he was pre- vailed upon to bottle up his wrath for the pres- ent, to conceal from the council his knowledge of their machinations, and by eflfecting his es- cape, to be able to arrive in time for the salva- tion of the Manhattoes. The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of hope in his bosom ; he forthwith despatched a secret message to his councillors at New Am- sterdam, apprising them of their danger, and commanding them to put the city in a posture of defence, promising to come as soon as pos- sible to their assistance. This done, he felt marvellously relieved, rose slowly, shook him- self like a rhinoceros, and issued forth from his peter tbe IbeaDstrong 261 den, in much the same manner as Giant De- spair is described to have issued from Doubting Castle, in the chivalric history of the Pilgrim's Progress. And how much does it grieve me that I must leave the gallant Peter in this imminent jeop- ardy ; but it behooves us to hurry back and see what is going on at New Amsterdam, for greatly do I fear that city is already in a turmoil. Such was ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant ; while doing one thing with heart and soul, he was too apt to leave every thing else at sixes and sevens. While, like a potentate of yore, he was absent attending to those things in person which in modem days are trusted to generals and ambassadors, his little territory at home was sure to get in an uproar ; — all which was owing to that uncommon strength of intellect, which induced him to trust to nobody but himself, and which had acquired him the renowned appella- tion of Peter the Headstrong. CHAPTER VII. HOW THE PEOPI^E OF NEW AMSTERDAM WERE THROWN INTO A GREAT PANIC BY THE NEWS OF THE THREATENED INVASION, AND THE MANNER IN WHICH THEY FORTIFIED THEM- SEI\ And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad farewell, — which, alas ! must be forever, — will- ingly would I part in cordial fellowship, and bespeak thy kind-hearted remembrance. That I have not written a better history of the days of the patriarchs is not my fault ; had any other person written one as good, I should not have 3i8 Ibistors of mew l^ork attempted it at all. That many will hereafter spring up and surpass me in excellence, I have very little doubt, and still less care, well know- ing that, when the great Christovallo Colon (who is vulgarly called Columbus) had once stood his egg upon its end, every one at table could stand his up a thousand times more dex- terously. Should any reader find matter of ofifence in this history, I should heartily grieve, though I would on no account question his penetration by telling him he was mistaken, his good-nature by telling him he was captious, or his pure conscience by telling him he was startled at a shadow. Surely, when so ingen- ious in finding offence where none was intend- ed, it were a thousand pities he should not be suffered to enjoy the benefit of his discovery. I have too high an opinion of the understand- ing of my fellow-citizens, to think of yielding them instruction, and I covet too much their good-will, to forfeit it by giving them good ad- vice. I am none of those cynics who despise the world because it despises them ; on the con- trary, though but low in its regard, I look up to it with the most perfect good-nature, and my only sorrow is, that it does not prove itself more worthy of the unbounded love I bear it. If, however, in this my historic production — the scanty fruit of a long and laborious life,— jfarewcU 319 I have failed to gratify the dainty palate of the age, I can only lament my misfortune, for it is too late in the season for me even to hope to repair it. Already has withering age showered his sterile snows upon my brow ; in a little while, and this genial warmth which still lingers around my heart, and throbs — worthy reader — throbs kindly towards thyself, will be chilled forever. Haply this frail compound of dust, which while alive may have given birth to naught but unprofitable weeds, may form a humble sod of the valley, whence may spring many a sweet wild flower, to adorn my beloved island of Mauna-hata. 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