THE 
 ETERNAL 
 
 BOY 
 
 OWLN 
 JOHNSON
 
 THE 1 [BRARY 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES 
 
 GIFT OF 
 
 Mrs. Ben B. Lindsey
 
 THE ETERNAL BOY
 
 Nothing but a " suveneer," gents, nothing 
 guaranteed " (Page 123)
 
 THE ETERNAL BOY 
 
 BEING THE STORY 
 
 OF 
 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 BY 
 OWEN JOHNSON 
 
 AUTHOR OF "MAX FARGUS," ETC. 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 DODD, MEAD & COMPANY 
 1909
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1908, BY 
 THE CENTURY CO. 
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1907, 1908, 1909, BY 
 THE CURTIS PUBLISHING COMPANY 
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1908, BY 
 DODD, MEAD AND COMPANY 
 
 PUBLISHED, JANUARY, 1909
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 The Awakening of Hickey . 3 
 
 The Great Pancake Record . ... .. 25 
 
 The Run That Turned the Game .. ... 55 
 
 The Future President ..... 81 
 
 Further Persecution of Hickey . .. .104 
 
 Making Friends . . : . > .. 128 
 
 The Hero of an Hour . . : . . 167 
 
 The Protest Against Sinkers . . . 194 
 
 Beauty s Sister 209 
 
 The Great Big Man . . . .241 
 
 The Political Education of Mr. Baldwin . 271 
 The Martyrdom of William Hicks .. . 321 
 
 1106257
 
 ILLUSTRATIONS 
 
 " Nothing but a " suveneer," gents, nothing 
 
 guaranteed. " . (p. 123) Frontispiece 
 
 FACING PAGE 
 
 " Hickey it was . . . who . . . organised 
 
 the midnight feasts." . . . .12 
 
 " * I ll stop when it s time, said Smeed ; * bring 
 
 em on now, one at a time. " . .50 
 " A stinging hand descended upon the crouch 
 ing Piggy." . . . . .62 
 " All day long he walked with drawn sword." 98 
 " Then he lost track of the rounds." . . 160 
 " I don t know I m full of gravel ! " . 178 
 " Trousers that were limp and discouraged, 
 
 grew smooth." . . . . . 24 
 " Get off my feet ! . . . A fine lady you 
 
 are! " 230 
 
 " He hadn t any proof, he said, brokenly, * no 
 
 proof damn him ! " . ... . . 330
 
 THE ETERNAL BOY
 
 THE AWAKENING OF HICKEY 
 
 " * HE forged a thunderbolt and hurled it at what? 
 At the proudest blood in Europe, the Spaniard, and 
 sent him home conquered ; at the most warlike blood 
 in Europe, the French } " . . . 
 
 Shrimp Davis, on the platform, piped forth the 
 familiar periods of Phillips s oration on Toussaint 
 L Ouverture, while the Third Form in declamation, 
 disposed to sleep, stirred fitfully on one another s 
 shoulders, resenting the adolescent squeak that ren 
 dered perfect rest impossible. Pa Dater followed 
 from the last bench, marking the position of the 
 heels, the adjustment of the gesture to the phrase,
 
 4 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 and the rise and fall of the voice with patient en 
 thusiasm, undismayed by the memory of the thou 
 sand Toussaints who had passed, or the certainty of 
 the thousands who were to come. 
 
 " I would call him Napoleon, but Napoleon made 
 his way to empire over broken oaths and through a 
 sea of BLOOD," shrieked, the diminutive orator with 
 a sudden crescendo as a spitball, artfully thrown, 
 sung by his nose. 
 
 At this sudden shrill notice of approaching man 
 hood, Hickey, in the front row, roused himself with 
 a jerk, put both fists in his eyes and glanced with 
 indignant reproach at the embattled disturber of 
 his privileges. Rest now being impossible, he de 
 cided to revenge himself by putting forth a series 
 of faces as a sort of running illustration to the 
 swelling cadences. Shrimp Davis struggled man 
 fully to keep his eyes from the antics of his tor 
 mentor. He accosted the ceiling, he looked sadly on 
 the floor. He gazed east and west profoundly, 
 through the open windows, seeking forgetfulness in 
 the distant vistas. All to no purpose. Turn where 
 he might the mocking face of Hickey danced after 
 him. At the height of his eloquence Shrimp choked, 
 clutched at his mouth, exploded into laughter and
 
 THE AWAKENING OF RICKEY 5 
 
 tumbled ingloriously to his seat amid the delighted 
 shrieks of the class. 
 
 Pa Dater, surprised and puzzled, rose with solem 
 nity and examined the benches for the cause of the 
 outbreak. Then taking up a position on the plat 
 form, from which he could command each face, he 
 scanned the roll thoughtfully and announced, " Wil 
 liam Orville Hicks." 
 
 Utterly unprepared and off his guard, Hickey 
 drew up slowly to his feet. Then a flash of inspira 
 tion came to him. 
 
 "Please, Mr. Dater," he said with simulated re 
 gret, " I chose the same piece." 
 
 Delighted, he settled down, confident that the for 
 tunate coincidence would at least postpone his ap 
 pearance. 
 
 " Indeed," said Mr. Dater with a merciless smile, 
 " isn t that extraordinary ! Well, Hicks, try and 
 lend it a new charm." 
 
 Hickey hesitated with a calculating* glance at the 
 already snickering class. Then forced to carry 
 through the bravado, he climbed over the legs of his 
 seat-mates and up to the platform, made Mr. Dater 
 a deep bow, and gave the class a quick bob of his 
 head, accompanied by a confidential wink from that
 
 6 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 eye which happened to be out of the master s scru 
 tiny. He glanced down, shook the wrinkles from his 
 trousers, buttoned his coat, shot his cuffs and as 
 sumed the recognised Websterian attitude. Twice 
 he cleared his throat while the class waited expect 
 antly for the eloquence that did not surge. Next 
 he frowned, took one step forward and two back, 
 sunk his hands in his trousers and searched for the 
 missing sentences on the moulding that ran around 
 the edge of the ceiling. 
 
 " Well, Hicks, what s wrong? " said the master 
 with difficult seriousness. " Haven t learned it ? " 
 
 " Oh, yes, sir," said Hickey with dignity. 
 
 " What s the matter then? " 
 
 " Please, sir," said Hickey, with innocent frank 
 ness, " I m afraid I m a little embarrassed." 
 
 The class guffawed loud and long. The idea of 
 Hickey succumbing to such an emotion was irre 
 sistible. Shrimp Davis sobbed hysterically and grate- 
 fully. 
 
 Hickey alone remained solemn, grieved and mis 
 understood. 
 
 " Well, Hicks," continued the master with the 
 ghost of a smile, " embarrassment is something that 
 you should try to overcome."
 
 THE AWAKENING OF RICKEY 7 
 
 At this Turkey Reiter led Shrimp Davis out in 
 agony. 
 
 " Very well," said Hickey with an injured look, 
 " I ll try, sir. I ll do my best. But I don t think the 
 conditions are favourable." 
 
 Mr. Dater commanded silence. Hickey bowed 
 again and raised his head cloaked in seriousness. A 
 titter acclaimed him. He stopped and looked ap- 
 pealingly at the master. 
 
 " Go on, Hicks, go on," said Mr. Dater. " Do 
 your best. At least, let us hear the words." 
 
 Another inspiration came to Hickey. " I don t 
 think that this is quite regular, sir," he said aggres 
 sively. " I have always taken an interest in my 
 work, and I don t see why I should be made to sacri 
 fice a good mark." 
 
 Mr. Dater bit his lips and quieted the storm with 
 two upraised fingers. 
 
 " Nevertheless, Hicks," he said, " I think we shall 
 allow you to continue." 
 
 " What ! " exclaimed Hickey as though loath to 
 credit his ears. Then adding calm to dignity, he 
 said, " Very well, sir, not prepared ! " 
 
 With the limp of a martyr, he turned his back on 
 Mr. Dater, and returned to his seat, where he sat in
 
 8 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 injured dignity, disdaining to notice the grimaces of 
 his companions. 
 
 Class over, the master summoned Hicks, and bent 
 his brows, boring him with a look of inquisitorial ac 
 cusation. 
 
 " Hicks," he said, spacing his words, " I have felt, 
 for the last two weeks, a certain lack of discipline 
 here. Just a word to the wise, Hicks, just a word to 
 the wise! " 
 
 Hickey was pained. Where was the evidence to 
 warrant such a flat accusation? He had been ar 
 raigned on suspicion, that was all, absolutely on mere 
 haphazard suspicion. And this was justice? 
 
 Moreover, Hickey s sensitive nature was shocked. 
 He had always looked upon Pa Dater as an antag 
 onist for whose sense of fair play he would have an 
 swered as for his own. And now to be accused thus 
 with innuendo and veiled menace then he could have 
 faith in no master, not one in the whole faculty ! And 
 this grieved Hickey mightily as he went moodily 
 along the halls. 
 
 Now, the code of a schoolboy s ethics is a marvel 
 lously fashioned thing and by that each master 
 stands or falls. To be accused of an offence of which 
 he is innocent means nothing, for it simply demon-
 
 THE AWAKENING OF RICKEY 9 
 
 strates the lower calibre of the master s intelligence. 
 But to be suspected and accused on mere suspicion 
 of something which he has just committed, that 
 is unpardonable, and in absolute violation of the 
 laws of warfare, which decree that the struggle shall 
 be one of wits, without recourse to the methods of 
 the inquisition. 
 
 Hickey, disillusionised and shocked, went glumly 
 down the brownstone steps of Memorial and slowly 
 about the green circle, resisting the shouted invita 
 tions to tarry under the nourishing apple trees. 
 
 He felt in him an imperative need to strike back, 
 to instantly break some rule of the tyranny that en 
 compassed him. With this heroic intention he walked 
 nonchalantly up the main street to the jigger-shop, 
 which no underformer may enter until after four. As 
 he approached the forbidden haunt, suddenly the 
 figure of Mr. Lorenzo Blackstone Tapping, the young 
 assistant housemaster at the Dickinson, more popu 
 larly known as " Tabby," rolled up on a bicycle. 
 
 " Humph, Hicks ! " said at once Mr. Tapping 
 with a suspicious glance at the jigger-shop directly 
 opposite, " how do you happen to be here out of 
 hours ? " 
 
 " Please, sir," said Hickey glibly, " I ve got a
 
 10 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 nail that s sticking into my foot. I was just going 
 to Bill Orum s to get it fixed." 
 
 " Humph ! " Mr. Tapping gave him a searching 
 look, hesitated and mounting his wheel continued, un 
 convinced. 
 
 " He looked back," said Hickey wrathfully, peer 
 ing through the misty windows of the cobbler s shop. 
 Then smarting at the injury, he added, " He didn t 
 believe me the sneak ! " 
 
 It was a second reminder of the tyranny he lived 
 under. He waited a moment, found the coast clear 
 and flashed across to the jigger-shop. Half drug 
 store, half confectioner s, the jigger-shop was the 
 property of Doctor Furnell, whose chief interest in 
 life consisted in a devotion to the theory of the mil 
 lennium, to the lengthy expounding of which an im 
 poverished boy would sometimes listen in the vain 
 hope of establishing a larger credit. On every-day 
 occasions the shop was under the charge of " Al," 
 a creature without heart or pity, who knew the ex 
 act financial status of each of the four hundred odd 
 boys, even to the amount and date of his allowance. 
 Al made no errors, his sympathies were deaf to the 
 call, and he never (like the doctor), committed the 
 mistake of returning too much change.
 
 THE AWAKENING OF HICKEY 11 
 
 Al welcomed him with a grunt, carefully closing 
 the little glass doors that protected the tray of 
 eclairs and fruit cake, and leaning back drawled: 
 
 "What s the matter, Hickey? You look kind of 
 discouraged." 
 
 " Give me a coffee jigger, with a chocolate syrup 
 and a dash of whipped cream stick a meringue in 
 it," said Hickey. Then as All remained passively ex 
 pectant, he drew out a coin, saying, " Oh, I ve got 
 the money ! " 
 
 He ate gloomily and in silence, refusing to be 
 drawn into conversation. Something was wrong in 
 the scheme of things. Twice in the same hour 
 he had been regarded with suspicion and an accusing 
 glance, his simplest explanation discountenanced! 
 Up to this time, he had been like a hundred other 
 growing boys, loving mischief for mischief s sake, 
 entering into a lark with no more definite purpose 
 than the zest of an adventure. Of course he re 
 garded a master as the Natural Enemy, but he had 
 viewed him with the tolerance of an agile monkey 
 for a wolf who does not climb. Now slowly it began 
 to dawn upon him that there was an ethical side. 
 
 He vanished suddenly behind the counter as Mr. 
 Tapping, returning, made directly for the jigger-
 
 12 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 shop. Hickey, at the end of the long counter, 
 crouching amid stationery, heard him moving sus 
 piciously toward his hiding place. Quickly he 
 flicked a pencil down behind the counter and vanished 
 through the back entrance as Tapping, falling into 
 the trap, sprang in the direction of the noise. 
 
 The adventure served two purposes: it gave 
 Hickey the measure of the enemy, and it revealed 
 to him where first to strike. 
 
 The President of the Dickinson by virtue of the 
 necessary authority to suppress all insubordination 
 was Turkey Reiter, broad of shoulder, speckled and 
 battling of face, but the spirit of the Dickinson was 
 Hickey. Hickey it was, lank of figure and keen of 
 feature, bustling of gait and drawling of speech, 
 with face as innocent as a choir-boy s, who planned 
 the revolts against the masters, organised the mid 
 night feasts and the painting of water-towers. His 
 genius lived in the nicknames of the Egg-head, 
 Beauty Sawtelle, Morning Glory, Red Dog, Wash 
 Simmons and the Coffee Cooler, which he had be 
 stowed on his comrades with unfailing felicity. 
 
 Great was Hickey, and Macnooder was his pro-
 
 Hickey it was . . . who . . . organised the 
 midnight feasts "
 
 THE AWAKENING OF RICKEY 15 
 
 phet. Doc Macnooder roomed just across the hall. 
 He was a sort of genius of all trades. He played 
 quarter on the eleven and ran the half mile close to 
 the two-minute mark. He was the mainstay of 
 Banjo, Mandolin and Glee Clubs. He played the 
 organ in chapel and had composed the famous Hamill 
 House March in memory of his requested departure 
 from that abode. He organised the school dramatic 
 club. He was secretary and treasurer of his class 
 and of every organisation to which he belonged. He 
 received a commission from a dozen firms to sell to 
 his likenesses, stationery, athletic goods, choice sets 
 of books, fin de siecle neckties, fancy waistcoats, 
 fountain pens and safety razors, all of which arti 
 cles, if report is to be credited, he sold with ease and 
 eloquence at ten per cent, above the retail price. 
 His room was a combination of a sorcerer s den and 
 junk-shop. At one corner a row of shelves held a 
 villainous array of ill-smelling black, green and blue 
 bottles, with which he was prepared to instantly cure 
 anything from lockjaw to snake bite. 
 
 The full measure of Macnooder s activities was 
 never known. Turkey Reiter had even surprised 
 him drawing up a will for Bill Orum, the cobbler, 
 to whom he had just sold a cure for rheumatism.
 
 16 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 It was to Macnooder that Hickey opened his 
 heart and his need of vengeance. It cannot be said 
 that the ethical side of the struggle appealed to 
 Macnooder, who had small predilection for phi 
 losophy and none at all for the moral sciences, but 
 the love of mischief was strong. The encounter with 
 Tapping in the morning had suggested a victim near 
 at hand and conveniently inexperienced. 
 
 Mr. Tapping in advance of young Mr. Bald 
 win (of whom it shall be related) had arrived at 
 Lawrenceville the previous year with latter-day 
 theories on the education of boys. As luck would 
 have it, Mr. Rogers, the housemaster, would be ab 
 sent that evening at a little dinner of old classmates 
 in Princeton, leaving the entire conduct of the Dick 
 inson in the hands of his assistant. In passing, it 
 must be noted that between the two masters there 
 was little sympathy. Mr. Rogers had lived too long 
 in the lair of the boy to be at all impressed with the 
 new ideas on education that Mr. Tapping and later 
 Mr. Baldwin advocated in the blissful state of their 
 ignorance. 
 
 At three o clock, Tapping departed to convey to 
 a class of impatient boys, decked out in athletic 
 costumes with base-balls stuffed in their pockets and
 
 THE AWAKENING OF RICKEY 17 
 
 tennis rackets waiting at their sides, the interesting 
 shades of distinction in that exciting study, Greek 
 prose composition. Then Hickey gleefully, while 
 Macnooder guarded the stairs, entered the study, and 
 with a screw-driver loosened the screw which held the 
 inner door-knob, to the extent that it could later be 
 easily removed with the fingers. 
 
 At half past seven o clock, when study hour had 
 begun, Hickey entered the sanctum ostensibly for 
 advice on a perplexing problem in advanced algebra. 
 
 Mr. Tapping did not like Hickey. He regarded 
 him with suspicion, with an instinctive recognition 
 of an enemy. Also he was engaged in the difficult 
 expression of a certain letter which, at that time, pre 
 sented more difficulties than the binomial theorem. 
 So he inquired with short cordiality, concealing the 
 written page under a blotter: 
 
 "Well, Hicks, what is it?" 
 
 " Please, Mr. Tapping," said Hickey, who had 
 perceived the move with malignant delight, " I wish 
 you d look at this problem, it won t work out." 
 He added (shades of a thousand boys!), "I think 
 there must be some mistake in the book." 
 
 Now, the chief miseries of a young assistant mas 
 ter centre about the study hours; when theory de-
 
 18 
 
 mands that he should be ready to advise and instruct 
 the discouraged boyish mind on any subject figuring 
 in the curriculum, whatever be his preference or his 
 prejudice. Mr. Tapping, who romped over the 
 Greek and Latin page, had an hereditary weakness 
 in the mathematics, a failing that the boys had dis 
 covered and instantly turned to their profit. He 
 took the book, glanced at the problem and began to 
 jot down a line of figures. Hickey, meanwhile, with 
 his back to the door, brazenly extracted the loosened 
 screw. 
 
 Finally, Mr. Tapping, becoming hopelessly en 
 tangled, raised his head and said with a disdainful 
 smile: "Hicks, I think you had better put a little 
 work on this just a little work!" 
 
 " Mr. Tapping, I don t understand it," said 
 Hickey, adding to himself, " Old Tabby is up a 
 tree!" 
 
 " Nonsense perfectly easy, perfectly simple," 
 said Tapping, returning the book with a gesture of 
 dismissal, " requires a little application, Hicks, just 
 a little application that s all." 
 
 Hickey, putting on his most injured look, bowed 
 to injustice and departed at the moment that Turkey 
 Reiter entered, seeking assistance in French. Upon
 
 THE AWAKENING OF RICKEY 19 
 
 his tracks, without an interval, succeeded Macnooder 
 with a German composition, Hungry Smeed to dis 
 cuss history, the Egghead on a question of spelling, 
 and Beauty Sawtelle in thirst for information about 
 the Middle Ages. Finally, Mr. Tapping s patience, 
 according to Macnooder s prophetic calculation, 
 burst on a question of biblical interpretation, and 
 announcing wrathfully that he could no longer be 
 disturbed, he ushered out the last tormentor and shut 
 the door with violence. 
 
 Presently Hickey stole up on tiptoe and fastening 
 a noose over the knob, gave a signal. The string, 
 pulled by a dozen equally responsible hands, carried 
 away the knob, which fell with a tiny crash and spun 
 in crazy circles on the floor. The fall of the inner 
 useless knob was heard on the inside of the door and 
 the exclamation that burst from the startled master. 
 The tyrant was caged, the house was at their 
 pleasure ! 
 
 Mr. Tapping committed the initial mistake of 
 knocking twice imperiously on the door and com 
 manding, " Open at once." 
 
 Two knocks answered him. Then he struck three 
 violent blows and three violent echoes returned, while 
 a bunch of wriggling, chuckling boys clustered at
 
 20 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 every crack of the door, listening with strained ears 
 for the muffled roars that came from within. 
 
 While one group began a game of leap-frog, an 
 other, under the guidance of Hickey, descended into 
 the housemaster s quarters and proceeded to attend 
 to the rearrangement of the various rooms. Work 
 ing beaver-like with whispered cautions, they rapidly 
 exchanged the furniture of the parlour with the 
 dining-room, grouping each transformed room, ex 
 actly as the original had been. 
 
 Then they placed the six-foot water-cooler directly 
 in front of the entrance with a tin pan balanced, to 
 give the alarm, and shaking with silent expectant 
 laughter extinguished all lights, undressed and re 
 turned to the corridors, white, shadowy forms, to 
 wait developments. Meanwhile, the caged assistant 
 master continued to pound upon the door with a 
 fury that betokened a state of approaching hysteria. 
 
 At half past ten, suddenly the tin pan crashed 
 horribly on the floor. A second later every boy was 
 sleeping loudly in his bed. Astonished at such a re 
 ception, Mr. Rogers groped into the darkness and 
 fell against the water-cooler, which in his excitement 
 he embraced and carried over with him to the floor. 
 Recovering himself, he lighted the gas and perceived
 
 THE AWAKENING OF HICKEY 21 
 
 the transformed parlour and dining-room. Then he 
 started for the assistant housemaster s rooms, with 
 long, angry bounds, saying incoherent, expressive 
 things to himself. 
 
 The ordeal that young Mr. Tapping faced, from 
 his superior, one hour later when the door had been 
 opened, was distinctly unpleasant, and was not made 
 the more agreeable from the fact that every rebuke 
 resounded through the house, and carried joy and 
 comfort to the listening boys. 
 
 The housemaster would hear no explanation; in 
 fact, explanations were about the last thing he 
 wanted. He desired to express his disgust, his in 
 dignation and his rage, and he did so magnificently. 
 
 " May I say one word, sir? " said Mr. Tapping 
 in a lull. 
 
 " Quite unnecessary, Mr. Tapping," cut in the 
 still angry master ; " I don t wish any explanations. 
 Such a thing as this has never happened in the his 
 tory of this institution. That s all I wish to know. 
 You forget that you are not left in charge of a 
 young ladies seminary." 
 
 " Very well, sir," said the mortified Mr. Tapping. 
 " May I ask what you intend to do about this act of 
 insubordination? "
 
 22 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " That is what I intend to ask you, sir," replied 
 his superior. " Good-night." 
 
 The next day after luncheon, Mr. Tapping sum 
 moned the house to his study and addressed them as 
 follows : 
 
 " Young gentlemen of the Dickinson House, I 
 don t think you have any doubt as to why I have 
 called you here. A very serious breach of discipline 
 has taken place one that cannot be overlooked. The 
 sooner we meet the situation in the right spirit, 
 gravely, with seriousness, the sooner will we meet 
 each other in that spirit of harmony and friendly un 
 derstanding that should exist between pupil and mas 
 ter. I am willing to make some allowance for the 
 spirit of mischief, but none for an exhibition of un- 
 truthfulness. I warn you that I know, that I know 
 who were the ringleaders in last night s outrage." 
 Here he stopped and glanced in succession at each 
 individual boy. Then suddenly turning, he said: 
 
 " Hicks, were you concerned in this? " 
 
 " Mr. Tapping," said Hickey, with the air of a 
 martyr, " I refuse to answer." 
 
 " On what ground ? " 
 
 " On the ground that I will not furnish any clue 
 whatsoever."
 
 THE AWAKENING OF HICKEY 23 
 
 " I shall deal with your case later." 
 
 " Very well, sir." 
 
 " Macnooder," continued Mr. Tapping, " what 
 do you know about this ? " 
 
 " I refuse to answer, sir." 
 
 At each demand, the same refusal. 
 
 Tapping, repulsed in his first attempt, hesitated 
 and reflected. Above all things he did not wish to 
 perpetuate last night s humiliation, and to continue 
 the combat meant an accusation en bloc against the 
 Dickinson House before the head master. 
 
 " Hicks, Macnooder and Reiter, wait here," he 
 said suddenly ; " the rest may go." 
 
 He walked up and down before the three a moment, 
 and then said : " Reiter, you may go ; you, too, 
 Macnooder." 
 
 Hickey, thus deprived of all support, remained 
 defiant. 
 
 "May I ask," he said indignantly, "why I am 
 picked out? " 
 
 " Hicks," said Mr. Tapping sternly, without re 
 plying to the question, " I know pretty well who was 
 the ringleader in this, and other things that have 
 been going on in the past. I warn you, my boy, I 
 shall keep my eye on you from this time forth.
 
 24 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 That s all I want to say to you. Look out for 
 yourself ! " 
 
 Hickey could hardly restrain the tears. He went 
 out with deadly wrath boiling in his heart. The idea 
 of signalling him out from the whole house in that 
 way! So then every hand was against him; he had 
 no security ; he was marked for suspicion, his down 
 fall determined upon! 
 
 For one brief moment his spirit, the spirit of in 
 domitable, battling boyhood, failed him, and he felt 
 the grey impossibility of contending against ty 
 rants. But only a moment, and then with a return 
 of the old fighting spirit he suddenly conceived the 
 idea of single-handed defying the whole organised 
 hereditary and intrenched tyranny that sought to 
 crush him, of matching his wits against the hydra 
 despotism, perhaps, going down gloriously like Spar- 
 tacus, for the .cause, but leaving behind a name 
 that should roll down the generations of future boys.
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 
 
 LITTLE Smeed stood apart, in the obscure shelter 
 of the station, waiting to take his place on the 
 stage which would carry him to the great new 
 boarding-school. He was frail and undersized, with 
 a long, pointed nose and vacant eyes that stupidly 
 assisted the wide mouth to make up a famished face. 
 The scarred bag in his hand hung from one clasp, 
 the premature trousers were at half-mast, while 
 
 25
 
 26 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 pink polka-dots blazed from the cuffs of his nerv 
 ous sleeves. 
 
 By the wheels of the stage " Fire Crackers " Glen- 
 denning and " Jock " Hasbrouck, veterans of the 
 Kennedy House, sporting the varsity initials on 
 their sweaters and caps, were busily engaged in 
 cross-examining the new boys who clambered timidly 
 to their places on top. Presently, Fire Crackers, 
 perceiving Smeed, hailed him. 
 
 " Hello, over there what s your name? " 
 
 "Smeed, sir." 
 
 "Smeed what?" - 
 
 " Johnnie Smeed." 
 
 The questioner looked him over with disfavour 
 and said aggressively: 
 
 " You re not for the Kennedy ? " 
 
 " No, sir." 
 
 "What house?" 
 
 " The Dickinson, sir." 
 
 "The Dickinson, eh? That s a good one," said 
 Fire Crackers, with a laugh, and, turning to his 
 companion, he added, " Say, Jock, won t Hickey 
 and the old Turkey be wild when they get this 
 one?" 
 
 Little Smeed, uncomprehending of the judgment
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 27 
 
 that had been passed, stowed his bag inside and 
 clambered up to a place on the top. Jimmy, at the 
 reins, gave a warning shout. The horses, stirred by 
 the whip, churned obediently through the sideways 
 of Trenton. 
 
 Lounging on the stage were half a dozen new 
 comers, six well-assorted types, from the well- 
 groomed stripling of the city to the aggressive, big- 
 limbed animal from the West, all profoundly under 
 the sway of the two old boys who sat on the box 
 with Jimmy and rattled on with quiet superiority. 
 The coach left the outskirts of the city and rolled 
 into the white highway that leads to Lawrenceville. 
 The known world departed for Smeed. He gazed 
 fearfully ahead, waiting the first glimpse of the 
 new continent. 
 
 Suddenly Fire Crackers turned and, scanning the 
 embarrassed group, singled out the strong Westerner 
 with an approving glance. 
 
 " You re for the Kennedy ? " 
 
 The boy, stirring uneasily, blurted out: 
 
 "Yes, sir." 
 
 " What s your name? " 
 
 " Tom Walsh." 
 
 " How old are you ? "
 
 28 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 " Eighteen." 
 
 " What do you weigh ? " 
 
 " One hundred and seventy." 
 
 " Stripped? " 
 
 " What? Oh, no, sir regular way." 
 
 " You ve played a good deal of football ? " 
 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 Hasbrouck took up the questioning with a criti 
 cal appreciation. 
 
 "What position?" 
 
 " Guard and tackle." 
 
 "You know Bill Stevens?" 
 
 "Yes, sir." 
 
 " He spoke about you ; said you played on the 
 Military Academy. You ll try for the varsity ? " 
 
 " I guess so." 
 
 Hasbrouck turned to Fire Crackers in solemn con 
 clave. 
 
 " He ought to stand up against Turkey if he 
 knows anything about the game. If we get a good 
 end we ought to give that Dickinson crowd the fight 
 of their lives." 
 
 " There s a fellow came from Montclair they say 
 is pretty good," Fire Crackers said, with solicitous 
 gravity. " The line ll be all right if we can get some
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 29 
 
 good halves. That s where the Dickinson has it on 
 us." 
 
 Smeed listened in awe to the two statesmen study 
 ing out the chances of the Kennedy eleven for the 
 house championship, realising suddenly that there 
 were new and sacred purposes about his new life 
 of which he had no conception. Then, absorbed by 
 the fantasy of the trip and the strange unfolding 
 world into which he was jogging, he forgot the 
 lords of the Kennedy, forgot his fellows in ignorance, 
 forgot that he didn t play football and was only a 
 stripling, forgot everything but the fascination 
 of the moment when the great school would rise 
 out of the distance and fix itself indelibly in his 
 memory. 
 
 " There s the water-tower," said Jimmy, extend 
 ing the whip ; " you ll see the school from the top of 
 the hill." 
 
 Little Smeed craned forward with a sudden thump 
 ing of his heart. In the distance, a mile away, a 
 cluster of brick and tile sprang out of the green, 
 like a herd of red deer surprised in the forest. 
 Groups of boys began to show on the roadside. 
 Strange greetings were flung back and forth. 
 
 " Hello-oo, Fire Crackers ! "
 
 30 
 
 " How-de-do, Saphead ! " 
 
 "Oh, there, Jock Hasbrouck!" 
 
 " Oh, you Morning Glory ! " 
 
 " Oh, you Kennedys, we re going to lick you ! " 
 
 " Yes you are, Dickinson ! " 
 
 The coach passed down the shaded vault of the 
 village street, turned into the campus, passed the 
 ivy-clad house of the head master and rolled around 
 a circle of well-trimmed lawn, past the long, low 
 Upper House where the Fourth Form gazed at them 
 in senior superiority; past the great brown masses 
 of Memorial Hall and the pointed chapel, around to 
 where the houses were ranged in red, extended 
 bodies. Little Smeed felt an abject sinking of the 
 heart at this sudden exposure to the thousand eyes 
 fastened upon him from the wide esplanade of the 
 Upper, from the steps of Memorial, from house, 
 windows and stoops, from the shade of apple trees 
 and the glistening road. 
 
 All at once the stage stopped and Jimmy cried: 
 
 " Dickinson ! " 
 
 At one end of the red-brick building, overrun with 
 cool vines, a group of boys were lolling in flannels 
 and light jerseys. A chorus went up. 
 
 "Hello, Fire Crackers!"
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 31 
 
 "Hello, Jock!" 
 
 "Hello, you Hickey boy!" 
 
 " Hello, Turkey ; see what we ve brought you ! " 
 
 Smeed dropped to the ground amid a sudden hush, 
 
 " Fare," said Jimmy aggressively. 
 
 Smeed dug into his pocket and tendered the neces 
 sary coin. The coach squeaked away, while from 
 the top Fire Crackers exulting voice returned in 
 insolent exultation: 
 
 " Hard luck, Dickinson ! Hard luck, you, old 
 Hickey!" 
 
 Little Smeed, his hat askew, his collar rolled up, 
 his bag at his feet, stood in the road, alone in the 
 world, miserable and thoroughly frightened. One 
 path led to the silent, hostile group on the steps, 
 another went in safety to the master s entrance. He 
 picked up his bag hastily. 
 
 " Hello, you over there ! " 
 
 Smeed understood it was a command. He turned 
 submissively and approached with embarrassed steps. 
 Face to face with these superior beings, tanned and 
 muscular, stretched in Olympian attitudes, he realised 
 all at once the hopelessness of his ever daring to 
 associate with such demi-gods. Still he stood, shift 
 ing from foot to foot, eyeing the steps, waiting for
 
 32 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 the solemn ordeal of examination and classification 
 to be over. 
 
 "Well, Hungry what s your name?" 
 
 Smeed comprehended that the future was decided, 
 and that to the grave he would go down as " Hun 
 gry " Smeed. With a sigh of relief he answered : 
 
 "Smeed John Smeed." 
 
 "Sir!" 
 
 " Sir." 
 
 " How old? " 
 
 " Fifteen." 
 
 "Sir!!" 
 
 " Sir." 
 
 " What do you weigh? " 
 
 " One hundred and six sir ! " 
 
 A grim silence succeeded this depressing informa 
 tion. Then some one in the back, as a mere matter 
 of form, asked: 
 
 " Never played football? " 
 
 " No, sir." 
 
 "Baseball?" 
 
 "No, sir." 
 
 " Anything on the track? " 
 
 " No, sir." 
 
 " Sing? "
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 33 
 
 " No, sir," said Smeed, humbly. 
 
 "Do anything at all?" 
 
 Little Smeed glanced at the eaves where the swal 
 lows were swaying and then down at the soft couch 
 of green at his feet and answered faintly: 
 
 " No, sir I m afraid not." 
 
 Another silence came, then some one said, in a 
 voice of deepest conviction : 
 
 "A dead loss!" 
 
 Smeed went sadly into the house. 
 
 At the door he lingered long enough to hear the 
 chorus burst out: 
 
 " A fine football team we ll have ! " 
 
 "It s a put-up job!" 
 
 " They don t want us to win the championship 
 again that s it ! " 
 
 " I say, we ought to kick." 
 
 Then, after a little, the same deep voice: 
 
 " A dead loss ! " 
 
 With each succeeding week Hungry Smeed com 
 prehended more fully the enormity of his offence 
 in doing nothing and weighing one hundred and six 
 pounds. He saw the new boys arrive, pass through 
 the fire of christening, give respectable weights and
 
 34 THE PRODIGIOUS H1CKEY 
 
 go forth to the gridiron to be whipped into shape 
 by Turkey and the Butcher, who played on the school 
 eleven. Smeed humbly and thankfully went down 
 each afternoon to the practice, carrying the sweat 
 ers and shin-guards, like the grateful little beast 
 of burden that he was. He watched his juniors, 
 Spider and Red Dog, rolling in the mud or flung 
 gloriously under an avalanche of bodies ; but then, 
 they weighed over one hundred and thirty, while 
 he was still at one hundred and six a dead loss ! 
 The fever of house loyalty invaded him ; he even came 
 to look with resentment on the Faculty and to re 
 peat secretly to himself that they never would have 
 unloaded him on the Dickinson if they hadn t been 
 willing to stoop to any methods to prevent the 
 House again securing the championship. 
 
 The fact that the Dickinson, in an extraordi 
 nary manner, finally won by the closest of margins, 
 consoled Smeed but a little while. There were no 
 more sweaters to carry, or pails of barley water to 
 fetch, or guard to be mounted on the old rail-fence, 
 to make certain that the spies from the Davis and 
 Kennedy did not surprise the secret plays which 
 Hickey and Slugger Jones had craftily evolved. 
 
 With the long winter months he felt more keenly
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 35 
 
 his obscurity and the hopelessness of ever leaving 
 a mark on the great desert of school life that would 
 bring honour to the Dickinson. He resented even 
 the lack of the mild hazing the other boys received 
 he was too insignificant to be so honoured. He 
 was only a " dead loss," good for nothing but to 
 squeeze through his recitations, to sleep enormously, 
 and to eat like a glutton with a hunger that could 
 never be satisfied, little suspecting the future that 
 lay in this famine of his stomach. 
 
 For it was written in the inscrutable fates that 
 Hungry Smeed should leave a name that would go 
 down imperishably to decades of schoolboys, when 
 Dibbles touchdown against Princeton and Kafer s 
 home run should be only tinkling sounds. So it hap 
 pened, and the agent of this divine destiny was 
 Hickey. 
 
 It so happened that examinations being still in 
 the threatening distance, Hickey s fertile brain was 
 unoccupied with methods of facilitating his scholarly 
 progress by homely inventions that allowed formu 
 las and dates to be concealed in the palm and disap 
 pear obligingly up the sleeve on the approach of 
 the Natural Enemy. Moreover, Hickey and Hickey s 
 friends were in straitened circumstances, with all
 
 36 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 credit gone at the jigger-shop, and the appetite 
 for jiggers in an acute stage of deprivation. 
 
 In this keenly sensitive, famished state of his 
 imagination, Hickey suddenly became aware of a 
 fact fraught with possibilities. Hungry Smeed had 
 an appetite distinguished and remarkable even in 
 that company of aching voids. 
 
 No sooner had this pregnant idea become his 
 property than Hickey confided his hopes to Doc 
 Macnooder, his chum and partner in plans that were 
 dark and mysterious. Macnooder saw in a flash the 
 glorious and lucrative possibilities. A very short 
 series of tests sufficed to convince the twain that in 
 little Smeed they had a phenomenon who needed only 
 to be properly developed to pass into history. 
 
 Accordingly, on a certain muddy morning in 
 March, Hickey and Doc Macnooder, with Smeed in 
 tow, stole into the jigger-shop at an hour in defiance 
 of regulations and fraught with delightful risks of 
 detection. 
 
 Al, the watch-dog of the jigger, was tilted back, 
 near a farther window, the parted tow hair falling 
 doglike over his eyes, absorbed in the reading of 
 Spenser s Faerie Queen, an abnormal taste which 
 made him absolutely incomprehensible to the boyish
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 37 
 
 mind. At the sound of the stolen entrance, Al put 
 down the volume and started mechanically to rise. 
 Then, recognising his visitors, he returned to his 
 chair, saying wearily : 
 
 " Nothing doing, Hickey." 
 
 " Guess again," said Hickey, cheerily. " We re 
 not asking you to hang us up this time, Al." 
 
 " You haven t got any money," said Al, the re 
 corder of allowances ; " not unless you stole it." 
 
 " Al, we don t come to take your hard-earned 
 money, but to do you good," put in Macnooder 
 impudently. " We re bringing you a little sporting 
 proposition." 
 
 " Have you come to pay up that account of 
 yours ? " said Al. " If not, run along, you Macnoo 
 der ; don t waste my time, with your wildcat schemes." 
 
 " Al, this is a sporting proposition," took up 
 Hickey. 
 
 " Has Tie any money ? " said Al, who suddenly re 
 membered that Smeed was not yet under suspicion. 
 
 " See here, Al," said Macnooder, " we ll back 
 Smeed to eat the jiggers against you for the 
 crowd ! " 
 
 " Where s your money ? " 
 
 " Here," said Hickey ; " this goes up if we lose."
 
 38 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 He produced a gold watch of Smeed s, and was about 
 to tender it when he withdrew it with a sudden cau 
 tion. " On the condition, if we win I get it back and 
 you won t hold it up against my account." 
 
 " All right. Let s see it." 
 
 The watch was given to Al, who looked it over, 
 grunted in approval, and then looked at little 
 Smeed. 
 
 " Now, Al, " said Macnooder softly, " give us a 
 gambling chance; he s only a runt." 
 
 Al considered, and Al was wise. The proposition 
 came often and he had never lost. A jigger is un 
 like any other ice cream; it is dipped from the 
 creamy tin by a cone-shaped scoop called a jigger, 
 which gives it an unusual and peculiar flavour. 
 Since those days the original jigger has been con 
 taminated and made ridiculous by offensive alliances 
 with upstart syrups, meringues and macaroons with 
 absurd titles ; but then the boy went to the simple 
 jigger as the sturdy Roman went to the cold waters 
 of the Tiber. A double jigger fills a large soda- 
 glass when ten cents has been laid on the counter, 
 and two such glasses quench all desire in the normal 
 appetite. 
 
 "If he can eat twelve double jiggers," Al said
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 39 
 
 slowly, " I ll set them up and the jiggers for youse. 
 Otherwise, I ll hold the watch." 
 
 At this there was a protest from the backers of 
 the champion, with the result that the limit was re 
 duced to ten. 
 
 " Is it a go ? " Al said, turning to Smeed, who had 
 waited modestly in the background. 
 
 " Sure," he answered, with calm certainty. 
 
 " You ve got nerve, you have," said Al, with a 
 scornful smile, scooping up the first jiggers and 
 shoving the glass to him. " Ten doubles is the record 
 in these parts, young fellow ! " 
 
 Then little Smeed, methodically, and without ap 
 parent pain, ate the ten doubles. 
 
 Conover s was not in the catalogue that anxious 
 parents study, but then catalogues are like epitaphs 
 in a cemetery. Next to the jigger-shop, Conover s 
 was quite the most important institution in the 
 school. In a little white Colonial cottage, Conover, 
 veteran of the late war, and Mrs. Conover, still in 
 active service, supplied pancakes and maple syrup 
 on a cash basis, two dollars credit to second-year 
 boys in good repute. Conover s, too, had its tradi 
 tions. Twenty-six pancakes, large and thick, in one
 
 40 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 continuous sitting, was the record, five years old, 
 standing to the credit of Guzzler Wilkins, which suc 
 ceeding classes had attacked in vain. Wily Conover, 
 to stimulate such profitable tests, had solemnly 
 pledged himself to the delivery of free pancakes to 
 all comers during that day on which any boy, at one 
 continuous sitting, unaided, should succeed in swal 
 lowing the awful number of thirty-two. Conover 
 was not considered a prodigal. 
 
 This deed of heroic accomplishment and public 
 benefaction was the true goal of Mickey s planning. 
 The test of the jigger-shop was but a preliminary 
 trying out. With medical caution, Doc Macnooder 
 refused to permit Smeed to go beyond the ten doubles, 
 holding very wisely that the jigger record could 
 wait for a further day. The amazed Al was sworn 
 to secrecy. 
 
 It was Wednesday, and the following Saturday 
 was decided upon for the supreme test at Conover s. 
 Smeed at once was subjected to a graduated system 
 of starvation. Thursday he was hungry, but Friday 
 he was so ravenous that a watch was instituted on 
 all his movements. 
 
 The next morning the Dickinson House, let into 
 the secret, accompanied Smeed to Conover s. If there
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 41 
 
 was even a possibility of free pancakes, the House 
 intended to be satisfied before the deluge broke. 
 
 Great was the astonishment at Conover s at the 
 arrival of the procession. 
 
 " Mr. Conover," said Hickey, in the quality of 
 manager, " we re going after that pancake record." 
 
 " Mr. Wilkins record? " said Conover, seeking 
 vainly the champion in the crowd. 
 
 " No after that record of yours? answered 
 Hickey. " Thirty-two pancakes we re here to 
 get free pancakes to-day that s what we re here 
 for." 
 
 " So, boys, so," said Conover, smiling pleasantly ; 
 " and you want to begin now ? " 
 
 " Right off the bat." 
 
 "Well, where is he?" 
 
 Little Smeed, famished to the point of tears, was 
 thrust forward. Conover, who was expecting some 
 thing on the lines of a buffalo, smiled confidently. 
 
 " So, boys, so," he said, leading the way with alac 
 rity. " I guess we re ready, too." 
 
 " Thirty-two pancakes, Conover and we get em 
 free!" 
 
 " That s right," answered Conover, secure in his 
 knowledge of boyish capacity. " If that little boy
 
 42 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 there can eat thirty-two I ll make them all day free 
 to the school. That s what I said, and what I say 
 goes and that s what I say now." 
 
 Hickey and Doc Macnooder whispered the last 
 instructions in Smeed s ear. 
 
 " Cut out the syrup." 
 
 " Loosen your belt." 
 
 " Eat slowly." 
 
 In a low room, with the white rafters impending 
 over his head, beside a basement window flanked 
 with geraniums, little Smeed sat down to battle for 
 the honour of the Dickinson and the record of the 
 school. Directly under his eyes, carved on the wooden 
 table, a name challenged him, standing out of the 
 numerous initials Guzzler Wilkins. 
 
 " I ll keep count," said Hickey. ** Macnooder and 
 Turkey, watch the pancakes." 
 
 "Regulation size, Conover," cried that cautious 
 Red Dog; "no doubling now. All fair and above- 
 board." 
 
 " All right, Hickey, all right," said Conover, leer 
 ing wickedly from the door ; " if that little grasshop 
 per can do it, you get the cakes." 
 
 " Now, Hungry," said Turkey, clapping Smeed 
 pn the shoulder. "Here is where you get your
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 43 
 
 chance. Remember, Kid, old sport, it s for the 
 Dickinson." 
 
 Smeed heard in ecstasy; it was just the way Tur 
 key talked to the eleven on the eve of a match. He 
 nodded his head with a grim little shake and smiled 
 nervously at the thirty-odd Dickinsonians who 
 formed around him a pit of expectant and hungry 
 boyhood from the floor to the ceiling. 
 
 " All ready ! " sang out Turkey, from the door 
 way. 
 
 " Six pancakes ! " 
 
 " Six it is," replied Hickey, chalking up a monster 
 6 on the slate that swung from the rafters. The 
 pancakes placed before the ravenous Smeed vanished 
 like snow-flakes on a July lawn. 
 
 A cheer went up, mingled with cries of caution. 
 
 " Not so fast." 
 
 " Take your time." 
 
 " Don t let them be too hot." 
 
 " Not too hot, Hickey ! " 
 
 Macnooder was instructed to watch carefully over 
 the temperature as well as the dimensions. 
 
 " Ready again," came the cry. 
 
 " Ready how many? " 
 
 "Six more."
 
 44 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 " Six it is," said Hickey, adding a second figure to 
 the score. " Six and six are twelve." 
 
 The second batch went the way of the first. 
 
 " Why, that boy is starving," said Conover, open 
 ing his eyes. 
 
 " Sure he is," said Hickey. " He s eating way back 
 in last week he hasn t had a thing for ten days." 
 
 " Six more," cried Macnooder. 
 
 " Six it is," answered Hickey. " Six and twelve 
 is eighteen." 
 
 " Eat them one at a time, Hungry." 
 
 " No, let him alone." 
 
 " He knows best." 
 
 " Not too fast, Hungry, not too fast." 
 
 " Eighteen for Hungry, eighteen. Hurrah ! " 
 
 " Thirty-two is a long ways to go," said Conover, 
 gazing apprehensively at the little David who had 
 come so impudently into his domain ; " fourteen pan 
 cakes is an awful lot." 
 
 " Shut up, Conover." 
 
 " No trying to influence him there." 
 
 " Don t listen to him, Hungry." 
 
 " He s only trying to get you nervous." 
 
 " Fourteen more, Hungry fourteen more." 
 
 " Ready again," sang out Macnooder.
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 45 
 
 " Ready here." 
 
 " Three pancakes." 
 
 "Three it is," responded Hickey. "Eighteen 
 and three is twenty-one." 
 
 But a storm of protest arose. 
 
 "Here, that s not fair!" 
 
 " I say, Hickey, don t let them do that." 
 
 "I say, Hickey, it s twice as hard that way." 
 
 " Oh, go on." 
 
 " Sure it is." 
 
 " Of course it is." 
 
 " Don t you know that you can t drink a glass of 
 beer if you take it with a teaspoon ? " 
 
 " That s right, Red Dog s right ! Six at a time." 
 
 " Six at a time ! " 
 
 A hurried consultation was now held and the rea 
 soning approved. Macnooder was charged with the 
 responsibility of seeing to the number as well as 
 the temperature and dimensions. 
 
 Meanwhile Smeed had eaten the pancakes. 
 
 " Coming again ! " 
 
 " All ready here." 
 
 " Six pancakes ! " 
 
 " Six," said Hickey ; " twenty-one and six is twen 
 ty-seven."
 
 46 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 " That ll beat Guzzler Wilkins." 
 
 " So it will." 
 
 " Five more makes thirty-two." 
 
 " Easy, Hungry, easy." 
 
 " Hungry s done it ; he s done it." 
 
 " Twenty-seven and the record ! " 
 
 "Hurrah!" 
 
 At this point Smeed looked about anxiously. 
 
 " It s pretty dry," he said, speaking for the first 
 time. 
 
 Instantly there was a panic. Smeed was reaching 
 his limit a groan went up. 
 
 " Oh, Hungry." 
 
 " Only five more." 
 
 " Give him some water." 
 
 " Water, you loon ; do you want to end him ? " 
 
 "Why?" 
 
 " Water ll swell up the pancakes, crazy." 
 
 " No water, no water." 
 
 Hickey approached his man with anxiety. 
 
 "What is it, Hungry? Anything wrong?" he 
 said tenderly. 
 
 " No, only it s a little dry," said Smeed, un 
 moved. " I m all right, but I d like just a drop of 
 syrup now."
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 47 
 
 The syrup was discussed, approved and voted. 
 
 " You re sure you re all right," said Hickey. 
 
 "Oh, yes." 
 
 Conover, in the last ditch, said carefully : 
 
 " I don t want no fits around here." 
 
 A cry of protest greeted him. 
 
 " Well, son, that boy can t stand much more. 
 That s just like the Guzzler. He was taken short 
 and we had to work over him for an hour." 
 
 " Conover, shut up ! " 
 
 " Conover, you re beaten." 
 
 " Conover, that s an old game." 
 
 " Get out." 
 
 Shut up." 
 
 " Fair play." 
 
 " Fair play ! Fair play ! " 
 
 A new interruption came from the kitchen. Mac- 
 nooder claimed that Mrs. Conover was doubling the 
 size of the cakes. The dish was brought. There was 
 no doubt about it. The cakes were swollen. Pan 
 demonium broke loose. .Conover capitulated, the 
 cakes were rejected. 
 
 "Don t be feazed by that," said Hickey, warn- 
 ingly to Smeed. 
 
 " I m not," said Smeed.
 
 48 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " All ready," came Macnooder s cry. 
 
 " Ready here." 
 
 " Six pancakes ! " 
 
 " Regulation size? " 
 
 " Regulation." 
 
 " Six it is," said Hickey, at the slate. " Six and 
 twenty-seven is thirty-three." 
 
 " Wait a moment," sang out the Butcher. " He 
 has only to eat thirty-two." 
 
 " That s so take one off." 
 
 " Give him five, Hickey five only." 
 
 " If Hungry says he can eat six," said Hickey, 
 firmly, glancing at his protege, " he can. We re out 
 for big things. Can you do it, Hungry ? " 
 
 And Smeed, fired with the heroism of the moment, 
 answered in disdainful simplicity: 
 
 "Sure!" 
 
 A -cheer that brought two Davis House boys run 
 ning in greeted the disappearance of the thirty- 
 third. Then everything was forgotten in the amaze 
 ment of the deed. 
 
 " Please, I d like to go on," said Smeed. 
 
 " Oh, Hungry, can you do it? " 
 
 "Really?" 
 
 " You re goin on ? "
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 49 
 
 "Holy cats!" 
 
 ** How ll you take them? " said Hickey, anxiously. 
 
 " I ll try another six," said Smeed, thoughtfully, 
 " and then we ll see." 
 
 Conover, vanquished and convinced, no longer 
 sought to intimidate him with horrid suggestions. 
 
 "Mr. Smeed," he said, giving him his hand in 
 admiration, " you go ahead ; you make a great rec 
 ord." 
 
 " Six more," cried Macnooder. 
 
 " Six it is," said Hickey, in an awed voice ; " six 
 and thirty-three makes thirty-nine ! " 
 
 Mrs. Conover and Macnooder, no longer antag 
 onists, came in from the kitchen to watch the great 
 spectacle. Little Smeed alone, calm and unconscious, 
 with the light of a great ambition on his forehead, 
 ate steadily, without vacillation. 
 
 " Gee, what a stride ! " 
 
 " By Jiminy, where does he put it ? " said Con- 
 over, staring helplessly. 
 
 "Holy cats!" 
 
 " Thirty-nine thirty-nine pancakes gee ! ! !" 
 
 " Hungry," said Hickey, entreatingly, " do you 
 think you could eat another make it an even 
 forty?"
 
 50 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " Three more," said Smeed, pounding the table 
 with a new authority. This time no voice rose in re 
 monstrance. The clouds had rolled away. They 
 were in the presence of a master. 
 
 " Pancakes coming." 
 
 " Bring them in ! " 
 
 " Three more." 
 
 " Three it is," said Hickey, faintly. " Thirty-nine 
 and three makes forty-two forty-two. Gee ! " 
 
 In profound silence the three pancakes passed 
 regularly from the plate down the throat of little 
 Smeed. Forty-two pancakes! 
 
 " Three more," said Smeed. 
 
 Doc Macnooder rushed in hysterically. 
 
 " Hungry, go the limit the limit ! If anything 
 happens I ll bleed you." 
 
 "Shut up, Doc!" 
 
 " Get out, you wild man." 
 
 Macnooder was sent ignominiously back into the 
 kitchen, with the curses of the Dickinson, and Smeed 
 assured of their unfaltering protection. 
 
 " Three more," came the cry from the chastened 
 Macnooder. 
 
 " Three it is," said Hickey. " Forty-two and 
 three makes forty-five."
 
 I ll stop when it s time, said Smeed ; 
 bring em on now, one at a time
 
 THE GREAT PANCAKE RECORD 53 
 
 " Holy cats ! " 
 
 Still little Smeed, without appreciable abatement 
 of hunger, continued to eat. A sense of impending 
 calamity and alarm began to spread. Forty-five 
 pancakes, and still eating! It might turn into a 
 tragedy. 
 
 " Say, bub say, now," said Hickey, gazing anx 
 iously down into the pointed face, " you ve done 
 enough don t get rash." 
 
 " I ll stop when it s time," said Smeed ; " bring 
 em on now, one at a time." 
 
 " Forty-six, forty-seven, forty-eight, forty- 
 nine!" 
 
 Suddenly, at the moment when they expected 
 him to go on forever, little Smeed stopped, gazed 
 at his plate, than at the fiftieth pancake, and said: 
 
 " That s all." 
 
 Forty-nine pancakes! Then, and only then, did 
 they return to a realisation of what had happened. 
 They cheered Smeed, they sang his praises, they 
 cheered again, and then, pounding the table, they 
 cried, in a mighty chorus: 
 
 "We want pancakes!" 
 
 " Bring us pancakes ! " 
 
 " Pancakes, pancakes, we want pancakes ! "
 
 54 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 Twenty minutes later, Red Dog and the Egghead, 
 fed to bursting, rolled out of Conover s, spreading 
 the uproarious news. 
 
 " Free pancakes ! Free pancakes ! " 
 
 The nearest houses, the Davis and the Rouse, 
 heard and came with a rush. 
 
 Red Dog and the Egghead staggered down into 
 the village and over to the circle of houses, throw 
 ing out their arms like returning bacchanalians. 
 
 "Free pancakes!" 
 
 " Hungry Smeed s broken the record ! " 
 
 " Pancakes at Conover s free pancakes ! " 
 
 The word jumped from house to house, the cam 
 pus was emptied in a trice. The road became choked 
 with the hungry stream that struggled, fought, 
 laughed and shouted as it stormed to Conover s. 
 
 " Free pancakes ! Free pancakes ! " 
 
 " Hurrah for Smeed ! " 
 
 " Hurrah for Hungry Smeed ! ! "
 
 THE RUN THAT TURNED THE GAME 
 
 IN this same fall of Hungry Smeed s arrival, when 
 the Dickinson, the Cleve, the Woodhull, the Gris- 
 wold, the Hamill, the Kennedy, and the Davis, were 
 each separately convinced that the faculty was seek 
 ing to prevent its winning the football championship, 
 by filling the house with boys under weight and 
 under size, there arrived at the Kennedy the now 
 celebrated " Piggy " Moore. He did not come on 
 the top of the stage as new boys should, but drove up 
 in a carriage, in the company of an aunt, who de 
 parted with misgivings, after kissing him in the full 
 sight of the campus. 
 
 55
 
 56 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 For she had raised Piggy on the bottle of gentle 
 manners and rocked him in the cradle of innocent 
 and edifying ambitions until the manly age of six 
 teen. His hands were soft and manicured, he en 
 tered a room with grace and left it with distinction. 
 His body was swathed in plumpness. His face was 
 chubby and well nourished, with fat, indolent eyes 
 and wide nostrils. He was five feet eight and 
 weighed a hundred and fifty. 
 
 Without embarrassment or anxiety he went to his 
 room, removed his coat, folded it neatly on a chair, 
 turned up his sleeves and proceeded to spread on 
 his bureau a toilet-set of chaste silver. He was 
 neatly arranging eight pairs of shoes, carefully 
 treed, when his name was shouted from the hall. 
 
 " Oh, Moore ! Hello there ! " 
 
 He emerged hurriedly to find Captain Hasbrouck 
 in football togs, eyeing him critically and without 
 enthusiasm. 
 
 " Football practice, Moore ! " 
 
 " It will take me an hour or so, I m afraid," said 
 Moore, smiling politely, " that is, to put my things 
 in order and get thoroughly unpacked." 
 
 "Sir!" 
 
 Piggy was surprised. The voice was harsh, rude
 
 RUN THAT TURNED THE GAME 57 
 
 and ominous, and the figure of Hasbrouck quite 
 obscured the doorway. 
 
 " Yes, sir !" he said hastily. " I ll be right down, 
 sir." 
 
 "Have you got any football togs?" said Has 
 brouck, looking at the toilet set. 
 
 "No, sir." 
 
 " A sweater ? " 
 
 "No, sir." 
 
 " Well, we only want a little light practice. Get 
 your things to-night in the Tillage. On the jump 
 now!" 
 
 Moore hastily trooped down with the others and 
 followed across the long green stretches in the 
 tingly September air, a little apprehensive of what 
 the term " light practice " might mean. The vet 
 erans in scarred suits and rent jerseys marched 
 gloriously in front, gambolling and romping with 
 the ball, shouting out salutations to parties who 
 swarmed over the campus from other houses on 
 the way to the playgrounds. The newcomers in 
 hastily patched-up costumes, incongruous and ab 
 surd, clustered together talking in broken, forced 
 monosyllables. Suddenly the advance halted and a 
 shout went up.
 
 58 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " Here come the Dickinsons. Gee, look at the 
 material they ve got ! " 
 
 Piggy, uncomprehending, beheld a group of thirty- 
 odd boys swinging toward them, shouting and laugh 
 ing as they came. From the advancing crowd came 
 a challenging yell. 
 
 " We re going to wipe the earth up with you, 
 Kennedy." 
 
 " Good-bye, Kennedy. Good-bye ! " 
 
 From the Kennedys the challenge was flung back: 
 
 " We ve got you where we want you." 
 
 " You ll be easy, Dickinson." 
 
 " We ll attend to the championship this year." 
 
 The two crowds halted while the leaders inspected 
 their antagonists, sizing up the new material. Moore, 
 in a tailor-cut suit of English tweed, a stiff collar 
 and a derby hat, felt for the first time a little out 
 of the picture when Hickey of the enemy paused in 
 front of him and derisively asked: 
 
 "Where did that come from?" 
 
 " Oh, that s been specially raised for us." 
 "He has? In a hothouse, yes! What Il %rf 
 play? " 
 
 " He ll play all over the field. He s a regular de 
 mon!"
 
 RUN THAT TURNED THE GAME 59 
 
 "Huh!" 
 
 " We ll twist your tail, Dickinson." 
 
 " We ll skin you, Kennedy." 
 
 "Yes, you will!" 
 
 "Yes, we will!" 
 
 The groups departed, each vowing that it was 
 disheartening the way the faculty had favoured the 
 other. 
 
 On the playground " Jock " Hasbrouck and 
 " Fire Crackers " Glendenning held a consultation 
 while the old boys frolicked with the ball and the 
 new arrivals huddled in an embarrassed group. 
 
 The new material was excellent, beyond expecta 
 tion, but no joy appeared on the face of the cap 
 tain. 
 
 " How in the deuce are we ever going to beat the 
 Dickinsons with such a bunch as that ? " he said, 
 with a shake of his head. " What do we need any 
 how?" 
 
 " Both ends, a tackle and the halves," said Fire 
 Crackers, gloomily. 
 
 " Well, we ve got to do our best, that s all," said 
 the captain, with a glance that made every newcomer 
 miserable. " Let s see how we can line up. Fatty 
 Harris, get in at centre, there. Keg, you ll have
 
 60 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 to go in at right guard. Buffalo, you stay at 
 left." 
 
 The old boys, brawny and hard, formed into a 
 centre trio. 
 
 " If you take left tackle we d better put Walsh 
 in at right to face Turkey," said Fire Crackers. 
 " Legs Brockett, there, plays end, he says." 
 
 Walsh and Brockett, eyes to the ground, took 
 their places in the line at a nod from " Jock." 
 
 " Duke Wilson, full ; Fire Crackers, quarter. 
 What then? " he said slowly to his counsel. "Sup 
 pose we give Pebbles Stone a chance at half this 
 year? " 
 
 "What do you weigh, Pebbles?" asked Fire 
 Crackers. 
 
 " One hundred and forty-five," brazenly answered 
 the lithe, but rather frail person addressed. 
 
 "Honest?" 
 
 " Honest to God, Jock." 
 
 " Stripped? " 
 
 " No o-o. With ten pounds in me pockets." 
 
 " Well, get in there, you old liar, you ve got the 
 sand all right." 
 
 Pebbles, with a delighted whoop, sprang into 
 line. Then Fire Crackers and Jock stopped before
 
 RUN THAT TURNED THE GAME 61 
 
 a trim, cleanly-built boy with a suit that looked 
 worthy. 
 
 " You re Francis, ain t you? " 
 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 "Played half?" 
 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 "What do you weigh? " 
 
 " One hundred and fifty, stripped, sir." 
 
 " Take right half." 
 
 Francis, quickly, but with an air of ease, took 
 his place. Only one position remained vacant, left 
 end. Hasbrouck glanced over the squad of slight, 
 overgrown boys, and his eye by a process of elim 
 ination, rested on Moore, standing stiff and immac 
 ulate. 
 
 " Moore, get in to right end." 
 
 " Me ? " said Moore in horror. 
 
 "Sir!" 
 
 " Sir." 
 
 "Quick!" 
 
 " But I I ve never played, sir ! " 
 
 " Get into line ! " 
 
 Piggy went sullenly, indignant and cherishing re 
 sistance. Hasbrouck gave a professionally pessimis 
 tic glance at the whole and said:
 
 62 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " Well, fellows, we ll only take a little light prac 
 tice to-day. Try a few starts." 
 
 The candidates in threes and fours crouched on a 
 designated line, dug their toes in the sod and raced 
 forward at the clap of a hand, for a good fifteen 
 yards. 
 
 " Take your place, Moore," said Jock finally. 
 " Dig down and get off with a jump." 
 
 Piggy, embarrassed by the stiffness of his collar 
 and the difficulty of retaining his derby without loss 
 of dignity, made a lumbering attempt. 
 
 " Try again. You re not racing a baby buggy ! 
 Get back on your marks," said Hasbrouck, and mov 
 ing to a position directly behind him, he thundered : 
 " Now, one two three! " 
 
 A stinging hand descended upon the crouching 
 Piggy, who leaped forward in indignant amazement. 
 
 " That helped," said Jock, with an approving nod. 
 " Once more." 
 
 Piggy, red to the ears, a second time was forced 
 to humble himself and receive the indignity of such 
 propulsion. 
 
 "Here, Piggy, catch!" 
 
 Moore had just time to spin around, when a foot 
 ball vigorously thrown, smote him full in the stomach.
 
 A stinging hand descended upon the crouch 
 ing Piggy "
 
 RUN THAT TURNED THE GAME 65 
 
 " Oh, butter-fingers ! " 
 
 " Clumsy ! " 
 
 " Get your arms in to it ! " 
 
 "Now!" 
 
 Warned by a chorus of instructions Moore strove 
 a dozen times to retain the tantalising spinning oval, 
 which constantly slipped his grasp with a smart 
 reminder as it bounded away. 
 
 " My boy, your education has been neglected," 
 said Jock in disgust. " At least try and learn how 
 to fall on the ball. Watch." 
 
 Rolling the pigskin in front of him, he dove for 
 it, pouncing on it as a beagle on a rabbit. 
 
 " Now, Piggy, let her go ! " 
 
 Moore, who loved his tailor-suit with the pride 
 and affection which a father bestows only on the first- 
 (born, desperately essayed to secure the pigskin with 
 the minimum of danger possible. 
 
 A shriek of derision burst forth. 
 
 " No, my dear Miss Moore, I did not ask you to 
 lie down and pillow your head upon it," said Jock 
 in disgust. " That is not what is -called falling on 
 the ball. Go at it like a demon ; chew it up, mangle 
 it! Here, Morning Glory," he added, turning to 
 a scrubby little urchin who was gambolling about,
 
 66 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " take this young lady and show her how it s 
 done." 
 
 To Piggy s culminating mortification, the diminu 
 tive Morning Glory, with a contemptuous sneer, be 
 gan to instruct him in the new art, with a rattling 
 fire of insults which drew shrieks of laughter from 
 the squad. 
 
 " Now then, old ice-wagon get your nose in it." 
 
 " Don t spare the daisies, dearest." 
 
 " Jump, you Indian, jump ! " 
 
 " Ah, watch me like this." 
 
 The urchin hurled himself viciously on the ball, 
 ploughing up the soft turf, and bounding gloriously 
 to his feet, with scornful, mud-stained face, cried: 
 
 "Ah, what re you afraid of! Now then, old 
 house-boat ! " 
 
 Piggy s collar clung limply to his neck, half the 
 buttons of his coat had gone, streaks of yellow and 
 green decorated the suit a custom tailor had fash 
 ioned for fifty dollars cash, but still he was forced 
 to go tumbling after the ball, down and up, up and 
 down, head over heels, at the staccato shriek of the 
 Morning Glory, like the one dog in the show who 
 circles about the stage, tumbling somersaults. 
 
 " That s enough for to-day," came at last Jock s
 
 RUN THAT TURNED THE GAME 67 
 
 welcome command. " We must begin easily. To 
 morrow we ll get into it. Practice over! Moore, 
 jog around the circle six times and cut out pastry at 
 
 supper." 
 
 During the dinner a great light dawned over 
 Moore, as he sat silently investigating his new mas 
 ters with sidelong, calculated glances. He went to 
 his room and with one sweep eliminated the solid 
 silver toilet set, removed the trees from his boots, 
 packed away the pink embroidered bedroom slippers 
 so neatly arranged under the bed and pruned solicit 
 ously among the gorgeous cravats. Then he went 
 to the village and, un<Jer skilful prompting, bought 
 a pair of corduroy trousers, a cap, a red-and-black 
 jersey, the softest pair of football trousers in stock, 
 a jersey padded at the elbows and shoulders, a 
 sweater, a pair of heavy shoes, a nose protector, and 
 a pair of shin-guards. Incased in every possible 
 protection he reported next day for the dreadful or 
 deal of tackling and being tackled. 
 
 " So you ve all got your togs," said Fire Crackers, 
 surveying the squad of freshmen on the field. " Let s 
 see how you made out." 
 
 With Keg Smith and Jock, he passed them over
 
 68 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 in inspection, punching and poking the new suits 
 with brief interjections, until Moore was reached. 
 Before that swollen figure the three halted in mock 
 amazement. 
 
 " Who s this ? " said Keg, with a blank face. 
 
 " It s Moore, sir," said Piggy innocently. 
 
 " What s happened to you ? " continued Fire 
 Crackers with great seriousness. 
 
 Moore, perceiving he had blundered again, grew 
 red with mortification, while Fire Crackers stripped 
 the sweater from him and examined the jersey. 
 
 " Say, just see what Bill sold him! " he exclaimed. 
 " Isn t it a shame how he ll impose on the green 
 ones? Look at that bedticking! And those pads! 
 Gee, I ll fix that!" 
 
 Before Moore could protest, Fire Crackers had 
 ripped off the protections and flung them away. 
 
 " Now you ll feel easier," he said with a friendly 
 smile. " Bill Appleby is an infernal old swindler : 
 selling you shin-guards and a nose-protector! Huh! 
 Throw em away." 
 
 " Thank you, sir," said Moore gratefully, " I ll 
 make him take them back." 
 
 " That s right," said his inquisitor with a queer 
 nod, "you re pretty green at this, aren t you?"
 
 RUN THAT TURNED THE GAME 69 
 
 " I have never done much, sir." 
 
 " Well, let me give you a pointer ; when you tackle, 
 you want to grit your teeth and slam down hard, 
 then you don t feel it at all." 
 
 " Thank you, sir." 
 
 " And when you re tackled," continued Fire 
 Crackers with perfect seriousness, " just let your 
 self go limp; then you can t break any bones 
 see?" 
 
 "Yes, sir." 
 
 " You like the game, don t you? " 
 
 " Oh, very much." 
 
 Fire Crackers advice did him scant good. On the 
 whole it was probably the most painful afternoon he 
 had ever known in his life. He had no instinct for 
 tackling, that was certain. His arms slipped, his 
 hands could not fasten to anything and he accom 
 plished nothing more than to go sprawling, face 
 downward. 
 
 " Funny you don t get on to that," said Jock, 
 shaking his head. " I tell you what you do. Run 
 down the line and take a few tackles ; then you ll see 
 how it s done." 
 
 Moore stood balancing, looking down to where 
 Jock s one hundred and sixty-five pounds were gath
 
 70 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 ering for a model tackle. Every natural instinct in 
 him bade him turn tail and run. 
 
 " Come on now ! " cried Jock, spitting on his 
 hands. " Hard as you can." 
 
 Piggy went as a horse goes to a road-crusher, 
 faltering and finally stopping dead. The next mo 
 ment, Jock, cleaving the air in a perfect dive, caught 
 him about the knees and threw him crashing to the 
 ground. Piggy rose with difficulty. 
 
 " Do you get it now ? " said Jock solicitously. 
 
 " I think I do," said Moore faintly. 
 
 " Well now, try one on me," said Jock, brighten 
 ing. " Put your shoulder into it and squeeze it. 
 Remember now." 
 
 Piggy remembered only the sensation of being 
 tackled, and with the thought of that greater evil, 
 improved astonishingly. 
 
 " That s the way to learn," said Jock approv 
 ingly. " Now, notice how I pull your legs from un 
 der you, and try to get that." 
 
 That evening after supper, Moore valiantly de 
 termined to take the bull by the horns. Seizing a 
 favourable opportunity, he accosted his captain with 
 the resolution of despair, and told him point blank 
 that he would not be eligible for the team.
 
 RUN THAT TURNED THE GAME 71 
 
 " Why not? " said Jock aggressively. 
 
 " I don t know anything about the game, sir," 
 said Moore defiantly, " and I don t like it." 
 
 " Is that the only reason? " 
 
 " I don t want to play, sir that ought to be 
 enough." 
 
 " We re not asJcmg you what you want to do." 
 
 " But, sir, I don t like it," said Moore, beginning 
 to shrink under the cold, boring gaze of Hasbrouck. 
 
 " That has nothing to do with it, either." 
 
 " Nothing " 
 
 " Certainly not. We don t want you ; in fact, we re 
 crying because we ve got to take you. You re a flub 
 dub and a quitter. But there s no one else, and so, 
 Piggy, mark you we re going to make a demon out 
 of you, a regular demon. Mark my words ! " 
 
 All of which was accomplished easily and naturally 
 within a short two weeks by the discipline and tra 
 dition which has put courage into the hearts of gen 
 erations of natural cowards. 
 
 The crisis came in the first game of the series; 
 when for the first time, Piggy beheld the terrifying 
 spectacle of an end run started in his direction. At 
 the sight of the solid front of bone and muscle ready 
 to sweep him off his feet and send him tumbling head
 
 72 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 over heels, he shut his eyes and funked deliberately 
 and ingloriously. 
 
 The next moment Jock had him by the small of 
 the neck; Jock s hand jerked him to his feet and 
 Jock s voice cried: 
 
 "You cowardly little pup! You do that again 
 and I ll tear the hide off you ! " 
 
 Piggy, chilled to the bone, went to his position. 
 The opposing team, with a shout of exultation, sent 
 the same play crashing in his direction. Piggy, 
 desperate with fear, tore through the advancing 
 mass, found the runner and hurled him to the ground. 
 Jock smiled contentedly. Moore was a coward, he 
 knew, but from that time forth, no passing menace 
 before him could comuare with the abiding terror 
 that waited behind. 
 
 Had Moore been possessed of even moderate 
 courage the task would have been difficult, for then 
 it would have resolved itself into a mere question of 
 natural ability. But being an arrant and utter 
 coward, his very cowardice drove him into feats of 
 desperate recklessness. For always, in lull or storm, 
 in the confusion of the melee or the open scramble 
 down the field to cover a punt, Moore felt the om-
 
 RUN THAT TURNED THE GAME 73 
 
 inous presence of Hasbrouck just at his shoul 
 der and heard the sharp and threatening cry : 
 
 " Get that man, you, Piggy ! " 
 
 So blindly and rebelliously he served the tyrant, 
 and unwilling and revolting learned to despise fear, 
 little suspecting how many reckless spirits of other 
 teams had been formed under the same rude dis 
 cipline. 
 
 The earlier contests developed the strength of the 
 two long-time rivals, the Kennedy and the Dickinson, 
 between whom aft last lay the question of supremacy. 
 The last week approached with excitement at fierce 
 heat. Every day a fresh rumour was served up; 
 Hickey, the wily Dickinson quarter, had a weak 
 ankle; Turkey, the captain, was behind in his 
 studies ; a Princeton varsity man was over, coaching 
 the enemy; the signals were discovered and a dozen 
 trick plays were being held in reserve, each good 
 for a touchdown. 
 
 Each night on the Kennedy steps, the council of 
 war convened and plans were discussed in utter grav 
 ity for temporarily crippling and eliminating from 
 the contest Turkey, Slugger-Jones, Hickey and the 
 Butcher. For, of course, it was conceded that Jock, 
 Tom Walsh and Fire Crackers would probably be
 
 74 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 maimed for life by the brutal and unscrupulous 
 enemy. 
 
 Piggy, whose critical sense of humour had been un 
 der early disadvantages, took this as exact truth 
 and beheld the horrible day arrive with an absolute 
 conviction that it would be his last. He did not 
 sleep during the night ; he could eat nothing during 
 the day; his fingers trembled and snarled up the 
 lacings as he forced himself into his football clothes. 
 Then he stood a long moment, viewing his white face 
 in the mirror the last look, perhaps and went 
 weakly to join the squad below. He heard nothing 
 of the magnificent address of Jock to his followers; 
 one idea only was in his head : to sell his life as dearly 
 as possible. 
 
 While the captains conferred and tossed for po 
 sition, the two teams, face to face at last, paced up 
 and down, eyeing each other with contempt, breath 
 ing forth furious threats. 
 
 The Egghead assured Fatty Harris that the 
 first scrimmage would be his last. Fatty Harris re 
 turned the compliment and suggested that the Egg 
 head leave a memorandum for the hearse. The 
 Coffee Cooler looked Buffalo Brown over and sneered ;
 
 RUN THAT TURNED THE GAME 75 
 
 Keg Smith did as much to the Butcher and laughed. 
 The diminutive Spider at right end, approached his 
 dear friend Legs Brockett, his opponent, and mut 
 tered through his teeth: 
 
 " I m going to slug you ! " 
 
 While these friendly salutations were taking place, 
 Flea Obie and Wash Simmons, the Dickinson halves, 
 approached Piggy, who, sick at heart, was stamp 
 ing his feet and churning his arms to convey to Red 
 Dog, opposite, the impression that he was thirsting 
 for his blood. 
 
 Wash gave Piggy one withering glance and said 
 loudly to the Red Dog: 
 
 " This fellow s a quitter. He s got yellow in his 
 eyes. Smash him good and hard, Red Dog. Don t 
 waste any time about it, either." 
 
 " He s got a chicken liver," said Red Dog, who 
 looked a reed beside the sturdy Piggy. " He shuts 
 his eyes when he tackles ! I ll fix him. Huh ! " 
 
 " Ah, go on now, go on, go on," said Piggy, with 
 a desperate attempt at lightheartedness. 
 
 Flea Obie, lovely no longer in mud-stained jacket 
 and pirate band around his forehead, strode up to 
 Piggy and added:
 
 76 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " Old Sport, let me give you a word of advice. 
 When we strike your end, the best thing you can do 
 is to lie down quick and soft. Savez? " 
 
 Luckily for Piggy, whose imagination was panic- 
 driven by this perfectly innocuous braggadocio, the 
 torrent of conversation was checked by a cry of 
 exultation. 
 
 The Kennedy had won the toss and chose the kick- 
 off. Bat Finney, umpire from the Fourth Form, 
 called the two teams together and said solemnly: 
 
 " Now I want it understood by you fellows this is 
 going to be a gentleman s game. No roughing it, 
 no slugging, nothing bru-tal. Take your sides." 
 
 Immediately the air resounded with war cries: 
 
 " Get in there, Dickinson." 
 
 " Chew em up, Kennedy." 
 
 " Hit em hard, Buffalo." 
 
 " Sock em, Turkey." 
 
 " Knock em out, boys ! " 
 
 Piggy, at left end with his eye on the ball, waited 
 hopelessly for Jock to send the oval spinning into 
 Dickinson territory. He was shivering, in a dead 
 funk. The whistle blew, the run was on. Piggy went 
 perfunctorily, helplessly down the field to where the 
 dreaded Hickey, ball under arm, was dodging
 
 RUN THAT TURNED THE GAME 77 
 
 toward him. Suddenly the vigorous form of Wash 
 Simmons hove into view, headed directly for him. 
 He wavered and the next moment was knocked off his 
 feet, while Hickey, the way thus cleared for him, 
 went bounding back for a run of forty yards. 
 
 Meanwhile Piggy was in the hands of Jock, who 
 administered to him before the eyes of every spec 
 tator, a humiliating and well-placed kick. 
 
 " You funked, I saw you funk, you miserable 
 shivery little coward ! " he cried, shaking his fist in 
 his face. " You jump in there now and cripple a 
 few of those fellows or I ll massacre you!" 
 
 He added a few words which shall remain sacred 
 between them and shoved him into place. The old 
 fear awoke triumphant in Piggy. He rushed in like 
 a demon, whirling over the field, upsetting play after 
 play, making tackles that brought Flea Obie and 
 Wash Simmons to their feet rubbing their sides. 
 Nothing could stop him, for at last he was panic- 
 stricken, utterly and horribly afraid. 
 
 The two teams, evenly matched, fought each other 
 to a standstill. The first half closed without any 
 perceptible advantage. The second half continued 
 the deadlock, the precious minutes slipping away. 
 Such a struggle had never been known in a House
 
 78 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 contest. Several eyes were closed, several bandages 
 had appeared. The frenzy of battle had taken pos 
 session of the descendants of Goth and Viking. 
 Challenges to future encounters were flung recklessly 
 and recklessly accepted. After each melee little 
 clusters of battling boyhood were disentangled with 
 difficulty, while Bat Finney, the umpire, joyfully 
 proclaimed : 
 
 " No roughing it, fellows remember, this is a 
 gentleman s game." 
 
 The dusk began to cloud the field and the players, 
 one of those tragic, melancholy mists that come only 
 at the close of a desperate second half. Two minutes 
 only to play and the ball in the Kennedy s possession, 
 exactly at midfield, without a score. 
 
 " 6-5-8-15-2-3 ! " shrieked Fire Crackers, grimy 
 and unrecognisable. 
 
 The team, converging swiftly for a revolving mass 
 play on tackle, strove wearily to make headway 
 against the reeling Dickinsons, who, too fagged to 
 upset the play, could only hold, surging and twisting. 
 Piggy, scrambling and pushing, head down in the 
 melee, whirled and spun with the revolving mass. 
 Then his feet tripped and he went underneath, shield 
 ing his head from the vortex of legs that swirled
 
 RUN THAT TURNED THE GAME 79 
 
 above him. Suddenly, lying free, a scant five yards 
 in front of him, he perceived, to his horror, the 
 precious ball! With a lurch, he freed himself from 
 the mass, scrambled to his feet, picked up the ball 
 and set out, break-a-neck, for the far-away goal. 
 Five yards behind was Hickey, the fleet quarter, 
 bounding after him. 
 
 In a twinkling the whole scene had changed into 
 the extraordinary spectacle of a stern chase, two 
 figures well in front, striving for the mastery of the 
 fates, and behind the futile, scrambling, exulting, or 
 desperate mass of players, sweeping helplessly on 
 the tracks of destiny. 
 
 Forty yards to the interminable goal! Piggy re 
 membered with dread the stories of Hickey s fleetness. 
 He glanced back. His pursuer had not gained an 
 inch. On the contrary, his freckled face was dis 
 torted, his arms were churning, his teeth were hor 
 ribly displayed, biting at the stinging air, with the 
 agony of the effort to increase his speed. So he 
 was beating out Hickey, the famous Hickey! Then 
 the touchdown was a fact! Above the uproar he 
 heard a strident shriek: 
 
 "Piggy, oh, you damned Piggy!" 
 
 The terror of that familiar voice gave a new im-
 
 80 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 petus to his chubby legs. Some one else must be 
 gaining on him. Thirty yards still to go ! 
 
 He ran and ran, hugging the ball in his arms, his 
 head thrown back, gasping for breath. Twenty 
 yards fifteen yards ! Suddenly swift, glorious 
 visions rose before him, scenes of jubilation and ex 
 ultation, of cheering comrades, celebrations that 
 would wipe out the long record of humiliation. 
 Hickey was closer now, but Piggy did not dare to 
 turn his head ; five yards more and the game would be 
 over and the kingdom of the Kennedy in his grasp. 
 He sped over the last white chalk line and dropped 
 triumphant behind the goal posts. The next mo 
 ment, Hickey, wily Hickey, screaming with laughter, 
 flung himself on him. 
 
 Piggy gazed about wildly with a sudden horrible 
 suspicion. He had run over his own goal line and 
 scored a safety for the Dickinson. 
 
 Then Hasbrouck arrived.
 
 THE FUTURE PRESIDENT 
 
 " SNOEKY " GREEN, at the fourth desk of the middle 
 aisle, gazed dreamily at the forgotten pages of the 
 divine Virgil. The wide windows let in the warm 
 breath of June meadows and the tiny sounds of con 
 tented insects roaming in unhuman liberty. Outside 
 were soft banks to loll upon, from which to watch the 
 baseball candidates gambolling over the neat dia 
 mond, tennis courts calling to be played upon, and 
 the friendly " j igger " ready to soothe the parched 
 highway to the aching void. And for an hour the 
 tugging souls of forty-two imprisoned little pagans 
 would have to construe, and parse, and decline, se- 
 
 81
 
 82 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 cretly cursing the fossils who rediscovered those un 
 necessary Latin documents. 
 
 Eight rows of desks, nine deep, were swept by the 
 Argus eye of the master from his raised pulpit. 
 Around the room, immense vacant blackboards shut 
 them in dark, hopeless walls over which no convict 
 might clamber, on which a thousand boys had blun 
 dered and guessed and writ in water. 
 
 Lucius Cassius Hopkins, " The Roman," man of 
 heroic and consular mould, flunker of boys, and de 
 viser of systems against which even the ingenuity 
 of a Hickey hurled itself in vain, sat on the rostrum, 
 pitilessly mowing down the unresisting ranks. 
 
 Snorky s tousled hair was more rumpled than ever, 
 a smudge was on one cheek, where his grimy, ball- 
 stained hand had unknowingly left its mark. He 
 was dirty, bored, and unprepared. The dickey at 
 his throat, formed by the junction of a collar and 
 two joined cuffs, saved the proprieties and allowed 
 the body to keep cool. But the spirit of dreams was 
 upon Snorky, and the hard, rectangular room began 
 to recede. 
 
 He heard indistinctly the low, mocking rumble of 
 the Roman as his scythe passed down the rows. 
 
 " Anything from the Simpson twins to-day? No,
 
 THE FUTURE PRESIDENT 82 
 
 no? Anything from the Davis House combination? 
 Too bad! too bad! Nothing from the illuminating 
 Hicks ? Yes ? No ? Too bad ! too bad ! " 
 
 Snorky did not hear him; his eyes were on the 
 firm torsos of Flash Condit and Charley De Soto 
 before him Condit, wonder of the football field, 
 hero of the touchdown against the Princeton varsity, 
 and De Soto the phenomenal shortstop, both 
 Olympian spirits doomed to endure the barbed shafts 
 of Lucius Cassius Hopkins. 
 
 He, too, Snorky, would go down in the an 
 nals of school history. He remembered the be 
 ginning of an out-curve he had developed that 
 morning in the lot back of the Woodhull a 
 genuine out-curve, Ginger Pop Rooker to the con 
 trary, notwithstanding. With a little practice he 
 would master the perplexing in-curve and the drop. 
 And the Woodhull needed a pitcher badly. 
 McCarthy had no courage; the Dickinson would 
 batter him all over the field in the afternoon s game, 
 and then good-bye to the championship. In his mind 
 he began the game, trotting hopelessly out into left 
 field. He saw Hickey, first up for the Dickinson, 
 get a base on balls four wide ones in succession. 
 Slugger Jones, four balls heavens, to be beaten like
 
 84 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 that! Turkey Reiter, third man up, hit a two-bag 
 ger; two runs. Doc Macnooder knocked the first 
 ball pitched for a clean single ; a two-bagger for the 
 Egghead! Again four balls for Butcher Stevens! 
 The Red Dog, of all people in the world, to hit 
 safely! And still they allowed the slaughter to go 
 on! The Dickinson House was shrieking with joy, 
 dancing war-dances, back of third, and singing de 
 risive songs of triumph. Flea Obie went to first 
 on another base on balls, filling the bases. And 
 five runs over the plate ! Hickey and Turkey on the 
 line began to dance a cake-walk. From the uproar 
 ious Dickinsonians rose the humiliating wail : 
 
 " We re on to his curves, we re on to his curves ; 
 Long-legged McCarthy has lost his nerves." 
 
 McCarthy had lost his nerves. Five runs, the bases 
 full, and " Wash " Simmons, the Dickinson pitcher, 
 to the bat. The infield, badly rattled, played in to 
 catch the runner at home in approved professional 
 style. Snorky stole in closer and closer until he was 
 almost back of shortstop. Simmons he knew couldn t 
 send it out of the diamond. But Wash knocked what 
 looked to be a clean single, clear over the heads of 
 the near infield. That was what he had been waiting
 
 THE FUTURE PRESIDENT 85 
 
 for ; on the full run he made a desperate dive, caught 
 the ball one-handed, close to the ground, turned a 
 somersault, scrambled to second base, and shot the 
 ball to first before the runner could even check him 
 self! 
 
 Nothing like it had ever been seen in Lawrenceville. 
 Even the Dickinsons generously applauded him as 
 he came up happy and flushed. 
 
 " Snorky, that s the greatest play I ever saw 
 pulled off. I wish I had made it myself." 
 
 He looked up. The speaker was the dashing De 
 Soto. That from Charley, the greatest ball-player 
 who ever came to Lawrenceville! Snorky s throat 
 swelled with emotion. At last they knew his worth. 
 
 One run for the Woodhull. Again the Dickinsons 
 to the bat, and again the rout ; one single, a base on 
 balls, two bases on balls oh, if he only would get his 
 chance ! One ball, two balls, three balls. Suddenly 
 McCarthy stopped and clutched his arm with an ex 
 clamation of pain. The team gathered about him. 
 Snorky sniffed in disdain; he knew that trick, pre 
 tending it was all on account of his arm ! What a 
 quitter McCarthy was, after all ! Still, what was to 
 be done? The team gathered in grave discussion. 
 No one else had ever pitched.
 
 86 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " Give me a chance," he said suddenly to " Rock " 
 Bemis, the captain. 
 
 " You ! " said Rock, with a laugh ; " you, 
 Snorky ! "_ 
 
 " Look at me ! I can do it," he answered, and 
 met the other s glare with steady look as heroes 
 do. Something of the fire in that look convinced 
 Bemis. 
 
 "Why not?" he said. "The game s gone, any 
 how. Go into the box, Snorky, and put them over if 
 you can." 
 
 The teams lined up. With clenched teeth and a 
 cold streak down his spine he strode into the box. 
 An insulting yelp went up from the enemy. 
 
 Three balls, no strikes, and the bases full ! Turkey 
 at the plate stepped back scornfully to wait for the 
 fourth ball. 
 
 "Strike one!" 
 
 Turkey advanced to the utmost limit of the bat 
 ter s box, turned his back deliberately on Snorky, and 
 called out : 
 
 " You hit me, and I ll break your neck ! " 
 
 " Strike two ! " 
 
 Turkey turned in surprise, looked at him, and de 
 liberated.
 
 THE FUTURE PRESIDENT 87 
 
 " He can t put it over," yelled the gallery. " Yi, 
 
 Then Turkey seated himself Indian fashion, his 
 back still to Snorky, and gazed up into the face of 
 " Tug " Moff at, the catcher. A furious wrangle 
 ensued, the Woodhull claiming that his position was 
 illegal, the Dickinson insisting that nothing in the 
 rules prohibited it. " Stonewall " Jackson, the um 
 pire, a weak-minded fellow from the Rouse House, 
 allowed the play. 
 
 "Strike three!" 
 
 Turkey, crestfallen and muttering, arose and 
 dusted himself amid the jeers of the onlookers. Doc 
 Macnooder smote high and low, and then forgot to 
 smite three strikes and out. The Egghead, despite 
 the entreaties of the Dickinson to bring in his house 
 mates, could only foul out. The Woodhulls went 
 wild with delight. He heard Tug, the catcher, whis 
 pering excitedly to De Soto. 
 
 "Charley, just watch him! He s got everything 
 everything ! " 
 
 Then the Woodhull tied the score on two bases 
 on balls, and his own two-bagger. 
 
 When he walked lightly into the box for the third 
 inning, Stonewall Jackson had been replaced by De
 
 88 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 Soto with the imperious remark : " Here, get out ! 
 I want to watch this." 
 
 He gave the great Charley a modest nod. 
 
 " When did you ever pitch? " said De Soto, crit 
 ically. 
 
 " Oh, now and then," he answered. 
 
 " Well, Snorky, let yourself out." 
 
 " Tug can t hold me," he said impudently. 
 " That s the trouble, Charley." 
 
 " Try him." 
 
 Tug signalled for an in-shoot. He wound himself 
 up and let fly. Butcher Stevens flung himself from 
 the plate, Moffat threw up his mit in sudden fear. 
 The ball caromed off and went frolicking past the 
 back-stop. 
 
 "Strike one!" 
 
 Tug, puzzled and apprehensive, came up for a con 
 sultation. 
 
 " Gee ! Snorky, give me warning ! What do you 
 think I am a Statue of Liberty? " 
 
 " Charley wants me to let myself out. I ll slow 
 down on the third strike," he said loftily. " Let the 
 others go if you want." 
 
 Tug, like a Roman gladiator, with undying re 
 solve, squatted back of the plate and signalled for an
 
 THE FUTURE PRESIDENT 89 
 
 out. No use; no mit of his could ever stop the 
 frightful velocity of that shoot. 
 
 "Stri-iketwo!" 
 
 " Now ease up a bit," cautioned De Soto. 
 
 He sent a floating out-drop that seemed headed for 
 Butcher Stevens s head, and finally settled gently over 
 the plat at the waist-line. 
 
 "Striker out!" 
 
 Moffat no longer tried to hold him, admitting him 
 self outclassed by the blinding speed of ins and outs, 
 jump balls, and cross fire that Snorky hurled uner 
 ringly across the plate. The Red Dog and Flea 
 Obie, plainly unnerved, died like babes in their 
 tracks. Five strike-outs in two innings ! 
 
 Then De Soto spoke. 
 
 " Here, Snorky, you get out of this ! " 
 
 A cry of protest came from the Woodhull. 
 
 " Yell all you like," said De Soto ; " Snorky is 
 going with me where he belongs." 
 
 And, to the amazement of the two houses, he drew 
 his arm under Snorky s and marched him right over 
 to the varsity diamond. 
 
 How the school buzzed and chattered about the 
 phenomenal rise of the new pitcher ! He saw himself 
 pitching wonderful curves to burly " Cap " Kiefer,
 
 90 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 the veteran back-stop, built like a mastodon, who had 
 all he could do to hold those frightful balls. He saw 
 the crowds of boys, six deep, who stood reverentially 
 between times to watch the amazing curves. He 
 heard pleasurably the chorus of " Ahs ! " and 
 " Ohs ! " and " Gees ! " which followed each delivery. 
 Then suddenly he was in the box on the great, clean 
 diamond, with the eyes of hundreds of boys fastened 
 prayerfully on him, and the orange-and-black stripes 
 of a Princeton Varsity man facing him at the 
 plate. To beat the Princeton varsity what a 
 goal! 
 
 He saw each striped champion come up gracefully 
 and retire crestfallen to the bench, even as the Dick 
 inson batters had done. Inning after inning passed 
 without a score; not a Princeton man reached first. 
 Then in the seventh an accident happened. The 
 first Princeton man up deliberately stepped into the 
 ball, and the umpire allowed him to take his 
 base. It was outrageous, but worse was to fol 
 low. On the attempt to steal second, Cap lined a 
 beautiful ball to the base, but no one covered it a 
 mistake in signals ! And the runner kept on to 
 third ! Snorky settled down and struck out the next 
 two batters. The Lawrenceville bleachers rose en
 
 THE FUTURE PRESIDENT 91 
 
 masse and shrieked his praises. Then suddenly 
 Kiefer, to catch the runner off third, snapped the 
 ball to Waladoo a trifle, just a trifle, wild; but the 
 damage was done. 1 to in favor of Princeton. 
 Even the great Princeton captain, Barrett, said to 
 him: 
 
 " Hard luck, Green ! Blamed hard luck ! " 
 But Snorky wasn t beaten yet. The eighth and 
 ninth innings passed without another Princeton man 
 reaching first. Nine innings without a hit won 
 derful! and yet to be beaten by a fluke. One out 
 for Lawrenceville ; two out. The third man up, Cap 
 Kiefer himself, reached first on an error. " Green 
 to the bat," sung out the scorer. 
 
 Snorky looked around, picked up his bat, and 
 calmly strode to the plate. He had no fear; he 
 knew what was going to happen. One ball, one 
 strike, two strikes. He let the drop pass. What 
 he wanted was a swift in-shoot. Two balls too 
 high. Three balls wide of the plate. He was not 
 to be tempted by any such. Two strikes and three 
 balls ; now he must get what he wanted. He cast one 
 glance at the bleachers, alive with the frantic red- 
 and-black flags ; he heard his comrades calling, be 
 seeching, imploring. Then his eye settled on the far
 
 92 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 green stretch between right and centre field and the 
 brown masses of Memorial, where no ball before had 
 ever reached. A home run would drive in Kief er and 
 win the game ! The chance had come. The Prince 
 ton pitcher slowly began to wind up for the delivery. 
 Snorky settled into the box, caught his bat with the 
 grip of desperation, gathered together all his sinews, 
 and 
 
 " Green ! " called the sharp, jeering voice of Lucius 
 Cassius Hopkins. 
 
 Snorky sprang to his feet in fright, clutching at 
 his book. The great home run died in the air. 
 
 " Translate." 
 
 Snorky gazed helplessly at the page, seeking the 
 place. He heard the muffled voi-ce of Hickey behind 
 Jhim whisper : 
 
 " The advance, the advance, you chump ! " 
 
 But to find the place under the hawk eyes of the 
 Roman was an impossibility. He stared at the page 
 in a well-simulated attempt, shook his head, and sat 
 down. 
 
 " A very creditable attempt, Green," said the mas 
 ter, now with a gentle voice. " De Soto ? Nothing 
 from De Soto? Dear, dear! We ll have to try
 
 THE FUTURE PRESIDENT 93 
 
 Macnooder then. What? Studied the wrong les 
 son? How sad! Mistakes will happen. Don t 
 want to try that, either? No feeling of confidence 
 to-day ; no feeling of confidence." He began to call 
 them by rows. " Dark, Davis, Denton, Dibble 
 nothing in the D s. Fair, Francis, Frey, Frick 
 nothing from the F s; nothing from the D. F s. 
 Very strange! very strange! Little spring fever 
 yes? Too bad! too bad! Lesson too long? Yes? 
 Too long to get any of it? Dear ! dear! Every one 
 studied the review, I see. Excellent moral idea, con 
 scientious ; wouldn t go on until you have mastered 
 yesterday s lesson. Well, well, so we ll have a beau 
 tiful recitation in the review." 
 
 How absurd it was to be flunking under the Ro 
 man! Next year he would show them. He would 
 rise early in the morning and study hours before 
 breakfast ; he would master everything, absorb every 
 thing declensions and conjugations, Greek, Roman, 
 and mediaeval civilisation ; he would frolic in equations 
 and toy with logarithms; his translation would be 
 the wonder of the faculty. He would crush Red Dog 
 and Crazy Opdyke ; he would be valedictorian of his 
 class. They would speak of him as a phenomenon, 
 as a prodigy, like Pascal was it Pascal? What a
 
 94 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 tribute the head master would pay him at commence 
 ment ! There on the stage before all the people, the 
 fathers and mothers and sisters, before the Red Dog, 
 and Ginger Pop Hooker, and Hickey, and all the rest, 
 sitting open-mouthed while he, Snorky Green, the 
 crack pitcher and valedictorian of his class, a scholar 
 such as Lawrenceville had never known 
 
 " Green, Gay, and Hammond, go to the board. 
 Take your books." 
 
 Snorky went hastily and clumsily, waiting as a 
 gambler waits for his chance. 
 
 " Gay, decline his, hsec, hoc ; Green, write out the 
 gerundive forms of all the verbs in the first para 
 graph top of page 163." 
 
 Snorky gazed helplessly at the chronicles of 
 ;/Eneas, and then blankly at the inexorable black 
 board, where so many gerundives had not been in 
 scribed. 
 
 H*e drew his name in lagging letters exactly mid 
 way, at the top, with a symmetrical space above. 
 
 R. B. GREEN 
 
 Then he searched anxiously for the gerundives that 
 lurked somewhere in the first paragraph, top of page
 
 THE FUTURE PRESIDENT 95 
 
 163. Then returning- to the board he rubbed out 
 the name with little reluctant dabs and wrote 
 
 ROGER B. GREEN 
 
 [Abandoning the chase for gerundives, he stood off 
 a few feet and surveyed his labours on the black 
 board, frowned, erased it and wrote dashingly, 
 
 ROGER BALLINGTON GREEN 
 
 Satisfied, he drew a strong line under it, added 
 two short crosses and a dot or two, and returned to 
 his seat. 
 
 Once more in the abode of dreams he was trans 
 ported to college, president of his class, the idol of 
 his mates, the marvel of the faculty. He hesitated on 
 the border-line of a great football victory, where, 
 single-handed, bruised, and suffering, he would win 
 the game for his college; and then found higher 
 levels. War had been declared swiftly and treach 
 erously by the German Empire. The whole country 
 was rising to the President s call to arms. A great 
 meeting of the University was held, and he spoke
 
 96 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 with a sudden revelation of a power for oratory he 
 had never before suspected. 
 
 That very afternoon a company was formed under 
 his leadership. Twenty-four hours later they 
 marched to the station, and, amid a whirlwind of 
 cheers and godspeeds, embarked for the front. Dur 
 ing the night, while others slept, he pored over books 
 of tactics ; he studied the campaigns of Caesar, Na 
 poleon, Grant, and Moltke. In the first disastrous 
 year of the war, when the American army was beaten 
 back at every point and an invading force of Ger 
 mans was penetrating from the coast in three sec 
 tions, he rose to the command of his regiment, with 
 the reputation of being the finest disciplinarian in 
 the army. Their corps was always at the front, 
 checking the resistless advance of the enemy, saving 
 their comrades time after time at frightful loss. 
 Then came that dreadful day when it seemed as 
 though the Army of the South was doomed to be 
 surrounded and crushed by the sudden tightening of 
 the enemy s net before the Army of the Centre could 
 effect a junction. In the gloomy council he spoke 
 out. One way of escape there was, but it meant the 
 sacrifice of five thousand men. Clearly and quickly 
 he traced his plan, while general, brigadier-general,
 
 THE FUTURE PRESIDENT 97 
 
 and general-in-chief stared in amazement at the new 
 genius that flashed before their minds. 
 
 " That is the plan," he said calmly, with the 
 authority of a master mind ; " it means the safety 
 of a hundred thousand, and if a junction can be made 
 with the Army of the Centre, the Germans can be 
 stopped and driven back at so-and-so. But this 
 means the death of five thousand men. There is only 
 one man who has the right to die so the man who 
 proposes it. Give me five regiments, and I will hold 
 the enemy for thirty-six hours." 
 
 He threw his regiments boldly into the enemy s line 
 of march, and by a sudden rush carried the spur that 
 dominated the valley. The German army, surprised 
 and threatened in its most vulnerable spot, forced to 
 abandon the pursuit, turned to crush the handful of 
 heroes. 
 
 All day long the desperate battalions flung them 
 selves in vain against the little band. All day long 1 
 he walked with drawn sword up and down the thin 
 ning ranks, stiffening their courage. Red Dog and 
 Ginger Pop called to him, imploring him not to ex 
 pose himself Red Dog and Ginger Pop, whose 
 idol he now was ; yes, and Hickey s and Condit s, too. 
 But carelessly, defiantly, he stood in full view, his
 
 98 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 clothes pierced, his head bared. Then came the 
 night the long, fatiguing night, without an in 
 stant s cessation. The carnage was frightful. Half 
 of the force gone, and twelve hours more to hold out ! 
 That was his promise. And the sickening dawn, with 
 the shrouded clouds and the expectant vultures, came 
 stealing out of the East. Until night came again 
 they must cling to the spur-top and manage to live 
 in that hurricane of lead. He went down the line, 
 calling each man by name, rousing them, like a 
 prophet inspired. The fury of sacrifice seized them. 
 They fought on, parched and bleeding, while the sun 
 rose above them and slowly fell. A thousand lives ; 
 half that, and half that again. Five o clock, and 
 still two hours to go. He looked about him. Only 
 a few hundred remained to meet the next charge. 
 Red Dog and Ginger Pop were cold in death, Hickey 
 was dying. Of all his school friends, only Flash 
 Condit remained, staggering at his side. And then 
 the great masses of the enemy swept over them like 
 an avalanche, and he fell, unconscious but happy, 
 with the vision of martyrdom shining above him. 
 
 Red Dog, on his way back to his seat, knocked 
 against him, saying angrily:
 
 All day long he walked with drawn sword "
 
 THE FUTURE PRESIDENT 101 
 
 " Oh, you clumsy ! " 
 
 Red Dog, of all the world! Red Dog, whom he 
 had just cheered into a hero s death. Snorky, thus 
 brought to earth, decided to resuscitate himself and 
 read the papers, with their big page-broad scare- 
 heads of the fight on the spur. This accomplished, 
 he decided to end the war. The President, driven by 
 public clamour, put him in command of the Army of 
 the South. In three weeks, by a series of rapid Na 
 poleonic marches, he flung the enemy into morasses 
 and wilderness, cut their line of communication, and 
 starved them into surrender; then flinging his army 
 north, he effected a junction with the Army of the 
 Centre, sending a laconic message to the President: 
 " I am here. Give me command, and I will feed the 
 sea with the remnants of Germany s glory." 
 
 Official Washington, intriguing and jealous, cried 
 out for a court-martial ; but the voice of the people, 
 echoing from coast to coast, gave him his wish. In 
 one month he swept the middle coast bare of resist 
 ance, fought three enormous battles, and annihilated 
 the armies of the invaders, ending the war. What a 
 triumph was his ! That wonderful entry into Wash 
 ington, with the frenzied roars of multitudes that 
 greeted him, as he rode simply and modestly, but
 
 102 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 greatly, down the Avenue at the head of his old regi 
 ment, in their worn and ragged uniforms, with the 
 flag shot to shreds proudly carried by the resusci 
 tated Hickey and Flash Condit, seeing in the crowd 
 the tear-stained faces of the Roman and the head 
 master and all his old comrades, amid the waving 
 handkerchiefs of frantic thousands. 
 
 At this point Snorky s emotion overmastered him. 
 A lump was in his throat. He controlled himself 
 with difficulty and dignity. He went over the quiet, 
 stately years until a grateful nation carried him in 
 triumph into the Presidential chair, nominated by 
 acclamation and without opposition! He saw the 
 wonderful years of his ascendency, the wrongs 
 righted, peace and concord returning to all classes, 
 the development of science, the uniting into one sys 
 tem of all the warring branches of education, the 
 amalgamation of Canada and Mexico into the United 
 States, the development of an immense merchant fleet, 
 the consolidation of all laws into one national code, 
 the establishment of free concerts and theatres for 
 the people. Then suddenly there fell a terrible 
 blow, the hand of a maniac struck him down as he 
 passed through the multitudes who loved him. He 
 was carried unconscious to the nearest house. The 
 greatest physicians flocked to him, striving in vain
 
 THE FUTURE PRESIDENT 103 
 
 to fight off the inevitable end. He saw the street 
 filled with tan-bark and the faces of the grief-stricken 
 multitude, with Hickey and Red Dog and Ginger Pop 
 sobbing on the steps and refusing to leave all that 
 fateful night, while bulletins of the final struggle 
 were constantly sent to every part of the globe. 
 And then he died. He heard the muffled peal of 
 bells, and the sobs that went up from every home in 
 the land ; he saw the houses being decked with crape, 
 and the people, with aching hearts, trooping into the 
 churches : for he, the President, the beloved, the great 
 military genius, the wisest of human rulers, was 
 dead dead. 
 
 Suddenly a titter, a horrible, mocking laugh, broke 
 through the stately dignity of the national grief. 
 Snorky, with tears trembling in his eyes, suddenly 
 brought back to reality, looked up to see Lucius 
 Cassius Hopkins standing over him with mocking 
 smile. From their desks Red Dog and Hickey were 
 making faces at him, roaring at his discomfiture. 
 
 " So Green is dreaming again ! Dear, dear ! 
 Dreaming again ! " said the deliberate voice. 
 " Dreaming of chocolate eclairs and the jigger-shop, 
 eh, Green ? "
 
 FURTHER PERSECUTION OF HICKEY 
 
 EVER since the disillusionising encounter with 
 Tabby, Hickey, like the obscure Bonaparte before 
 the trenches of Toulon, walked moodily alone, ab 
 sorbed in his own resolves, evolving his immense 
 scheme of a colossal rebellion. Macnooder, alone, 
 received the full confidence of the war a entrance 
 with the faculty which he gradually evolved. 
 
 Macnooder was the man of peace, the Mazarin 
 and the Machiavelli of the Dickinson. He risked 
 
 104
 
 FURTHER PERSECUTION OF HICKEY 105 
 
 nothing in action, but to his cunning mind with its 
 legal sense of dangers to be met and avoided, were 
 brought all the problems of conspiracies against the 
 discipline of the school. Macnooder pronounced 
 the scheme of a revolt heroic, all the more so that 
 he saw an opportunity of essaying his strategy on 
 large lines. 
 
 " We must begin on a small scale, Hickey," he 
 said wisely, " and keep working up to something 
 really big." 
 
 " I thought we might organise a secret society," 
 said Hickey, ruminating, " something masonic, all 
 sworn to silence and secrecy and all that sort of 
 thing." 
 
 " No," said Doc, " just as few as possible and no 
 real confidants, Hickey; we ll take assistants as we 
 need them." 
 
 " What would you begin with? " 
 
 "We must strike a blow at Tabby," said Mac 
 nooder. " We must show him that we don t pro 
 pose to stand for any of his underhanded methods." 
 
 " He needs a lesson," Hickey asserted savagely. 
 
 "How about the skeleton?" 
 
 " Humph ! " said Hickey, considering ; " perhaps, 
 but that s rather old."
 
 106 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " Not up the flag-pole something new." 
 
 "What is it, Doc?" 
 
 Hickey looked at Macnooder with expectant ad 
 miration. 
 
 " I noticed something yesterday in Memorial, 
 during chapel, that gave me an idea," said Mac 
 nooder profoundly. " There is a great big ven 
 tilator in the ceiling; now there must be some way 
 of getting to that and letting a rope down." Mac 
 nooder stopped and looked at Hickey. Hickey re 
 turned a look full of admiration, then by a mutual 
 movement they clasped hands in ecstatic, sudden 
 delight. 
 
 That night they reconnoitred with the aid of a 
 dark-lantern, borrowed from Legs Brownell of the 
 Griswold, and the pass-keys, of which Hickey was 
 the hereditary possessor. 
 
 They found to their delight that there was in fact 
 a small opening through which one boy could wriggle 
 with difficulty. 
 
 The attempt was fixed for the following night, 
 and as a third boy was indispensable it was decided 
 that etiquette demanded that the owner of the lan 
 tern should have the first call. 
 
 At two o clock that night Hickey and Macnooder
 
 FURTHER PERSECUTION OF RICKEY 107 
 
 stole down the creaking stairs, and out Sawtelle s 
 window (the highway to the outer world). The 
 night was misty, with a pleasant, ghostly chill that 
 heightened measurably the delight of the adventure. 
 In the shadow of the Griswold a third shivering 
 form cautiously developed into the possessor of the 
 dark-lantern. 
 
 After a whispered consultation, they proceeded 
 to Foundation House, where they secured the neces 
 sary rope from the clothes-line, it being deemed 
 eminently fitting to secure the cooperation of the 
 best society. 
 
 Memorial Hall entered, they soon found them 
 selves, by the aid of the smelly lantern, in front 
 of the closet that held the skeleton which twice a 
 week served as demonstration to the class in an 
 atomy, and twice a year was dragged forth to deco 
 rate the flag-pole or some such exalted and in 
 accessible station. In a short time the door yielded 
 to the prying of the hatchet Macnooder had thought 
 fully brought along, and the white, chalky outlines 
 of the melancholy skeleton appeared. 
 
 The three stood gazing, awed. It was black and 
 still, and the hour of the night when dogs howl and 
 bats go hunting.
 
 108 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 " Who s going to take him? " said Legs in a whis 
 per. 
 
 " Take it yourself," said Macnooder, unhooking 
 the wriggling form. " Hickey s got to crawl 
 through the air hole, and I ve got to work the 
 lantern. You re not superstitious, are you?" 
 
 " Sure, I m not," retorted Legs, who received the 
 skeleton in his arms with a shiver that raised the 
 goose-flesh from his crown to his heels. 
 
 "Come on," said Hickey in a whisper; "softly 
 now." 
 
 "What s that?" exclaimed Legs, drawing in his 
 breath. 
 
 " That s nothing," said Macnooder loftily ; " all 
 buildings creak at night." 
 
 " I swear I heard a step. There again. Listen." 
 
 " Legs is right," said Hickey in a whisper. " It s 
 outside." 
 
 " Rats ! it s nothing but Jimmy," said Macnooder 
 with enforced calm. " Keep quiet until he passes 
 on." 
 
 They stood breathless until the sounds of the 
 watchman on his nightly rounds died away. Then 
 they started on tiptoes up the first flight for the 
 chapel, Macnooder leading with the lantern, Legs
 
 FURTHER PERSECUTION OF RICKEY 109 
 
 next with the skeleton gingerly carried in his arms, 
 Hickey bringing up the rear with the coil of rope. 
 
 " Here we are," said Macnooder at length. " Legs, 
 you wait here, see, that s where we re going to hoist 
 him." He flashed the bull s-eye upward to the per 
 forated circle directly above the rostrum, and added : 
 " I ll get Hickey started and then I ll be right back." 
 
 " Are you going to take the lantern ? " said Legs, 
 whose courage began to fail him. 
 
 " Sure," said Hickey, indignantly. " Legs, you re 
 getting scared." 
 
 " No, I m not," protested Legs, faintly, " but I 
 don t like to be left all alone with this thing in my 
 arms ! " 
 
 " Say, do you want my job? " said Hickey, scorn 
 fully, " crawling down thirty feet of air hole, with 
 bugs, and spiders and mice? Do you? Cause if 
 you do just say so." 
 
 " No-o-o," said Legs with a sigh, " no, I ll stay 
 here." 
 
 " You don t believe in ghosts and that sort of 
 thing, do you? " said Macnooder solicitously. 
 
 "Course, I don t!" 
 
 " All right then, cause if you do we won t leave 
 you."
 
 110 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 "You chaps go on," said Legs bravely, "only 
 be quick about it." 
 
 "All right?" 
 
 "All right." 
 
 Hickey and Macnooder stole away; then sud 
 denly Hickey, returning, whispered: 
 
 " Say, Legs ! " 
 
 "What?" 
 
 " If you catch your coat don t think it s the dead 
 man s hand grabbing you, will you ? " 
 
 " Darn you, Hickey," said Legs, " if you don t 
 shut up I ll quit." 
 
 " Sh-h good-bye, old man." 
 
 "Hurry up!" 
 
 In the crawling, howling darkness Legs waited, 
 holding the skeleton at arm s length, trembling like 
 a leaf, listening tensely for a sound, vowing that 
 if he ever got safely back into his bed he would 
 never break another law of the school. At the mo 
 ment when his courage was wavering, he heard the 
 muffled, slipping tread of Macnooder returning. 
 He drew a long comfortable breath, threw one leg 
 nonchalantly over the back of a near-by seat and 
 clasped the skeleton in an affectionate embrace. 
 
 "Hist Legs."
 
 FURTHER PERSECUTION OF HICKEY 111 
 
 The lantern flashed upon him. Legs yawned a 
 bored, tranquil yawn. 
 
 "Is that you, Doc?" 
 
 " Were you scared? " 
 
 "Of what!" 
 
 " Say, you ve got nerve for a youngster," said 
 Macnooder admiringly. " Honestly, how did it 
 feel hugging old Bonesy, all alone there in the 
 dark? " 
 
 " You know, I rather liked it," said Legs with a 
 drawl. " I tried to imagine what it would be like to 
 see a ghost. Only, I could hardly keep awake. 
 Good Lord! what s that?" 
 
 The coil of rope descending had brushed against 
 his face and the start which he gave completely de 
 stroyed the effect o-f his narrative. Macnooder, 
 seizing the rope, made it fast to the skeleton. 
 Then, producing a large pasteboard from under his 
 sweater, he attached it to a foot so that it would dis 
 play to the morrow s audience the inscription, 
 TABBY. 
 
 He gave two quick tugs, and the skeleton slowly 
 ascended, twisting and turning in unnatural, white 
 gyrations, throwing grotesque shadows against the 
 ceiling.
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 " Now, let s get up to see Hickey come out," said 
 Macnooder with a chuckle. " He s a sight." 
 
 Ten minutes later, as they waited expectantly, 
 listening at the opening of the narrow passage, a 
 sneeze resounded. 
 
 " What s that? " exclaimed Legs, whose nerves 
 were tense. 
 
 " That s Hickey," said Macnooder with a chuckle. 
 " He ll be along in a minute. He s scattering red 
 pepper after him so no one can crawl in to get the 
 skeleton down. Gee! he must have swallowed half 
 of it." 
 
 A succession of sneezes resounded, and then with a 
 scramble an unrecognisable form shot out of the 
 opening, covered with cobwebs and the accumulated 
 dust of years. 
 
 " For heaven s sake, Hickey, stop sneezing ! " cried 
 Macnooder in tremor. " You ll get us pinched." 
 
 " I I can t help it," returned Hickey between 
 sneezes. " Great idea of yours red pepper ! " 
 
 " Just think of the fellow that goes in after you," 
 said Macnooder, " and stop sneezing." 
 
 " It s in my eyes, down my throat, everywhere ! " 
 said Hickey helplessly. 
 
 They got him out of the building and down by
 
 FURTHER PERSECUTION OF HICKEY 113 
 
 the pond where he plunged his head gratefully into 
 the cooling waters. Then they slapped the dust 
 from him and rubbed the cobwebs out of his hair, 
 until he begged for mercy. 
 
 " Never mind, Hickey," said Macnooder helpfully, 
 " just think of Tabby when he comes in to-morrow." 
 
 Fortified by this delicious thought, Hickey sub 
 mitted to being cleaned. Then Macnooder examined 
 him carefully, saying: 
 
 " There mustn t be the slightest clue ; if there is 
 a button missing you ll have to go back for it." 
 Suddenly he stopped. " Hickey, there s one gone 
 off the left sleeve." 
 
 " I lost that scrapping with the Egghead last 
 week," explained Hickey, " and both of the left 
 suspender ones are gone, too." 
 
 "Honest?" 
 
 " I swear it." 
 
 "There s been many a murder tracked down," 
 said Macnooder impressively, " on just a little 
 button." 
 
 " Gee ! Doc," said Legs in chilled admiration, 
 " say, what a bully criminal you would make." 
 
 And on this spontaneous expression of young am 
 bition, the three separated.
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 The next morning, when the school filed in to 
 Memorial for chapel, they beheld with rapture the 
 uncanny figure suspended directly over the rostrum. 
 In an instant the name was whispered over the benches 
 " Tabby." It was then a feat of the Dickinson 
 House. Every Dickinsonian was questioned ex 
 citedly and professed the blankest ignorance, but 
 with such an insistent air, that twenty were instantly 
 credited with the deed. Then, with a common im 
 pulse, the school turned to watch the entrance of 
 the faculty. Each master on entering started, re 
 pressed an involuntary smile, looked to see the name 
 attached, frowned, gazed fiercely at the nearest boys 
 and took his seat. 
 
 Suddenly a thrill of excitement ran over the school 
 and like a huge sigh the exclamation welled up, 
 " Tabby ! " 
 
 Mr. Lorenzo Blackstone Tapping had entered. 
 His eyes met the skeleton and he coloured. A smile 
 would have saved him, but the young Greek and 
 Latin expert understood nothing of the humanising 
 sciences. He tried to look unconcerned and failed; 
 he tried to look dignified and appeared sheepish; he 
 tried to appear calm and became red with anger. 
 It was a moment that carried joy into the heart
 
 FURTHER PERSECUTION OF HICKEY 115 
 
 of Hickey, joy and the forgetfulness of red pepper, 
 cobwebs and dust. 
 
 Then the head master arrived and a frightened 
 calm fell over the awed assemblage. Did he see the 
 skeleton? There was not the slightest evidence of 
 recognition. He walked to his seat without a break 
 and began the services without once lifting his eyes. 
 The school was vexed, mystified and apprehensive. 
 But at the close of the services the head master 
 spoke, seeking the culprits among the four hun 
 dred, and under that terrifying glance each innocent 
 boy looked guilty. 
 
 Such an outrage had never before occurred in the 
 history of the institution, he assured them. Not 
 only had a gross desecration been done to the sacred- 
 ness of the spot, but wanton and cowardly insult 
 had been perpetrated on one of the masters (Tap 
 ping thought the specific allusion might have been 
 omitted). It was as cowardly as the miserable 
 wretch who writes an anonymous letter, as cowardly 
 as the drunken bully who shoots from the dark. He 
 repelled the thought that this was a manifestation 
 of the spirit of the school ; it was rather the isolated 
 act of misguided unfortunates who should never have 
 entered the institution, who would leave it the day
 
 116 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 of their detection. And he promised the school that 
 they would be detected, that he would neither rest 
 nor spare an effort to ferret out this cancer and 
 remove it. 
 
 Hickey drank in the terrific onslaught with de 
 light. He had struck the enemy, he had made it 
 wince and cry out. The first battle was his. He 
 rose with the school and shuffled up the aisle. Sud 
 denly at the exit, he beheld Mr. Tapping waiting. 
 Their glances met in a long hostile clash. There 
 was no mistaking the master s meaning; it was a 
 direct accusation that sought in Hickey s face to 
 surprise a telltale look. 
 
 A great lump rose in Hickey s throat; all the joy 
 of a moment ago passed, a profound melancholy en 
 veloped him; he felt alone, horribly alone, fighting 
 against the impossible. 
 
 " Why ? " he said, bitterly, " why should he always 
 pick on me the sneak ! " 
 
 During the next few days a few minor skirmishes 
 ensued which showed only too clearly to Hickey, the 
 implacable persecution he must expect from Tabby. 
 The first day it was the question of breakfast. 
 
 At seven o clock every morning the rising bell fills
 
 FURTHER PERSECUTION OF RICKEY 117 
 
 the air with its clamour from the belfry of the old 
 gymnasium, but no one rises. There is half an 
 hour until the gong sounds for breakfast, a long 
 delicious half hour the best half hour of the day 
 or night to prolong under the covers. After 
 twenty minutes a few effeminate members rise to 
 prink, five minutes later there is a general tumbling 
 out of the bed and a wild scamper into garments ar 
 ranged in ingenious time-saving combinations. 
 
 At exactly the half hour, with the first sounds of 
 the breakfast gong, Hickey would start from his 
 warm bed, plunge his head into the already filled 
 basin, wash with circumspection in eight seconds 
 (drying included), thrust his legs into an arrange 
 ment of trousers, socks and unmentionables, pull a 
 jersey over his head, stick his feet into the waiting 
 pair of slippers, part and brush his hair, snap a 
 " dickey " about his neck, and run down the stairs 
 struggling into his coat, tying his tie and attending 
 to the buttons, the whole process varying between 
 twenty-one and one-eighth seconds and twenty-two 
 and three-quarters. 
 
 But on the morning after the exposing of the 
 skeleton Hickey had trouble with the dickey. The 
 school regulations tyrannically demanded that each
 
 118 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 boy should appear at breakfast and chapel properly 
 dressed, i. e., in collar and shirt. But as the appear 
 ance is accepted for the fact, the " dickey " comes 
 to the rescue and permits not only despatch in 
 dressing, but by suppressing a luxury from the wash 
 list, to attend to the necessities of the stomach. The 
 dickey is formed by the junction of two flat cuffs, 
 held together by a stud, to which is attached a col 
 lar, and later a tie. When the coat is added even 
 the most practised eye may be deceived by the in 
 closed exhibition of linen. 
 
 On the aforesaid morning as Hickey hastily 
 donned his dickey the stud snapped and he was 
 forced to waste precious seconds in not only pro 
 curing another stud, but in arranging the component 
 parts. He tore down the stairs to find the door 
 shut in his face, Tabby s orders, of course! 
 
 The next night the same malignant enemy sur 
 prised him at ten o clock returning on tiptoe from 
 the Egghead s room, marks and penal service on 
 Saturday afternoon. Hickey soon perceived that 
 he was to be subjected to a constant surveillance, 
 that the slightest absence from his room after dark 
 would expose him to detection and punishment. 
 Macnooder counselled seeming submission and a cer-
 
 FURTHER PERSECUTION OF HICKEY 119 
 
 tain interval of patient caution. Hickey indignantly 
 repelled the advice; the more the danger the greater 
 the glory. 
 
 On Friday morning a strange calm pervaded the 
 school, a lethargy universal and sweet. Seven o clock, 
 half past seven, a quarter of eight, and not a stir. 
 Then suddenly in every house, exclamations of amaze 
 ment burst from the rooms, watches were scanned 
 incredulously and excited boys called from house to 
 house. Gradually the wonder dawned, welcomed by 
 cries of rejoicing the clapper had been stolen! 
 
 In the Dickinson, Hickey and Macnooder were the 
 first in the halls, the loudest in their questions, the 
 most dumfounded at the occurrence. Breakfast, 
 forty minutes late, was eaten in a buzz of excitement, 
 interrupted by the arrival of a messenger from the 
 head master with peremptory orders to convene at 
 once in Memorial. 
 
 The Doctor was in no pleasant mood. The theft 
 of the clapper, coming so soon upon the incident of 
 the skeleton, had roused his fighting blood. His 
 discourse was terse, to the point, and uncompromis 
 ing. There could no longer be any doubt that in 
 dividuals were in rebellion against the peace and 
 discipline of the school. He would accept the de-
 
 120 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 fiance. If it was to be war, war it should be. It 
 was for the majority to say how long they, the law- 
 abiding, the studious, the decent, would suffer from 
 the reckless outrages of a few without standards 
 or seriousness of purpose. The clapper would not 
 be replaced. All marks for tardiness and absence 
 from recitations would be doubled, and the moment 
 any total reached twenty, that boy would be im 
 mediately suspended from the institution. The clap 
 per would not be replaced until the school itself 
 replaced it! 
 
 Hickey drank in the sweet discourse, revelling in 
 the buzz of conjecture that rose about him, con 
 centrating all his powers on appearing innocent 
 and unconcerned before the fusillade of admiring, 
 alluring glances that spontaneously sought him 
 out. 
 
 The school went to the recitation rooms joyfully, 
 discussing how best to draw from the ultimatum all 
 the amusement possible. By the afternoon every 
 boy was armed with an alarm clock, which he carried 
 into each recitation, placing it in the aisle at his 
 feet after a solicitous comparison of the time with 
 his neighbours. Five minutes before the close of the 
 hour the bombardment would begin, and as each
 
 FURTHER PERSECUTION OF HICKEY 121 
 
 clock exploded the owner would grab it up frantic 
 ally and depart for the next recitation in a gallop. 
 Bright happy days, when even the monotony of the 
 classroom disappeared under the expectation of a 
 sudden alarm! 
 
 With a perfect simulation of seriousness, expedi 
 tions, known as clapper parties, were organised to 
 search for the missing clapper. Orchards, gardens, 
 streams, nothing was spared in the search. Com 
 plaints began to pour in from neighbouring farmers 
 with threats of defending their property with shot 
 guns. The school gardener arrived in a panic to 
 implore protection for his lawns. Then the alarm 
 clocks became strangely unreliable. At every mo 
 ment the sound of the alarm, singly, or in bunches, 
 was heard in the halls of Memorial. Several of the 
 older members of the faculty, who were addicted to 
 insomnia and nervous indigestion, sent in their ulti 
 matum. Thus forced to a decision, the head master 
 compromised. He had the clapper replaced and 
 assessed the school for the costs. 
 
 During those glorious, turbulent days, Hickey 
 perceived with melancholy that Tabby still persisted 
 in suspecting him. It was disheartening, but there 
 was no blinking the fact. Tabby suspected him!
 
 122 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 At the table Tabby s eyes restlessly returned 
 again and again in his direction. Tabby s ears 
 were strained to catch the slightest word he might 
 utter, in fact, everything in Tabby s bearing indi 
 cated a malignant determination to see in him the 
 author of every escapade. This fresh injustice 
 roused Hickey s ire to such an extent that despite 
 the cautious Macnooder he determined upon a further 
 deed of bravado. 
 
 One morning Mr. Lorenzo Blackstone Tapping, 
 exactly as Hickey planned, perceived a curious watch 
 charm on Hickey s watch chain, which he soon made 
 out to be a miniature silver clapper. Immediately 
 suspicious, he noticed that every boy in the room 
 was in a state of excitement. On examining them 
 he discovered that every waistcoat was adorned with 
 the same suspect emblem. During the day a chance 
 remark overheard, revealed to him the fact that 
 Hickey was selling the souvenirs at a dollar apiece. 
 Assuredly here was an important clue. That after 
 noon all his doubts were answered. He was seated 
 at his study window when his attention was attracted 
 by a group directly beneath. Against the wall 
 Hickey was standing, with a large box under his 
 arm, selling souvenirs as fast as he could make
 
 FURTHER PERSECUTION OF HICKEY 
 
 change to the breathless crowd which augmented at 
 every moment. 
 
 Meanwhile, Hickey, fully aware of his enemy s 
 proximity, took special pains that the conversation 
 should carry. About him the excited crowd pressed 
 in a frantic endeavour to purchase before the store 
 was exhausted. 
 
 To all inquiries Hickey maintained a dark secrecy. 
 
 " I m saying nothing, fellows, nothing at all," he 
 said with a canny smile ; " it isn t wise sometimes to 
 do much talking. The impression has somehow got 
 around that these little suveneers are made out of 
 the original clapper. I m not responsible for that 
 impression, gents, and I make no remarks thereupon. 
 These little suveneers I hold in my hand are silver- 
 plated silver-plated, gents, and when a thing is 
 silver-plated there must be something inside. And 
 I further remark that these suveneers will sell for 
 one dollar apiece only until five o clock, that after 
 that time they will sell at one dollar and a half, and 
 I further remark that there are only forty-five left ! " 
 Then rattling the box he continued with simulated 
 innocence, " Nothing but a * suveneer, gents, noth 
 ing guaranteed. We sell nothing under false pre 
 tences ! "
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 At half past four he had sold the last of a lot 
 of two hundred and fifty amid scenes of excitement 
 worthy of Wall Street. 
 
 At five o clock, Hickey received a summons 
 to Foundation House. There to his delight he 
 found the head master in the company of Mr. Tap 
 ping. 
 
 Hickey entered with the candour of a cherub, 
 plainly quite at loss as to the object of the 
 summons. 
 
 " Hicks," said the head master in his solemnest 
 tones, " you are under very grave suspicion." 
 
 " Me, sir ? " said Hickey in ungrammatical aston 
 ishment. 
 
 " Hicks, it has come to my knowledge that you 
 are selling as souvenirs bits of the clapper that was 
 stolen from the gymnasium." 
 
 " May I ask, sir," said Hickey with indignation, 
 " who has accused me?" 
 
 At this Mr. Tapping spoke up severely : 
 
 " I have informed the Doctor of facts which have 
 come into my possession." 
 
 " Sir," said Hickey, addressing the head master, 
 " Mr. Tapping has honoured me with his enmity for 
 a long while. He has not even hesitated to threaten
 
 FURTHER PERSECUTION OF 1 HICKEY 125 
 
 me. I am not surprised that he should accuse me, 
 only I insist that he state what evidence he has for 
 bringing this accusation." 
 
 " Doctor, allow me," said Mr. Tapping, somewhat 
 ill at ease. Then turning to Hickey he said, with 
 the air of a cross-examiner : " Hicks, are you or are 
 you not selling souvenirs at one dollar apiece, in 
 the shape of small silver clappers ? " 
 
 " Certainly." 
 
 " Made out of the original clapper? " 
 
 " Certainly not! " 
 
 " Wha-t ! " exclaimed the amazed Tapping. 
 
 "Certainly not." 
 
 " Do you mean to say that two hundred and fifty 
 boys would have bought those souvenirs at a dollar 
 apiece for any other reason than that they contained 
 a bit of the stolen clapper?" 
 
 Hickey smiled proudly. 
 
 " They may have been under that impression." 
 
 " Because you told them ! " 
 
 " No, sir," said Hickey with righteous anger. 
 "You have no right, sir, to say such a thing. On 
 the contrary, I refused to answer one way or the 
 other. You listened this afternoon from your win 
 dow and you heard exactly my answer. If you will
 
 126 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 do me the justice, sir, to tell the Doctor what I did 
 say, I shall be very much obliged to you." 
 
 " Enough, Hicks," said the head master with a 
 frown. " Answer me directly. Are these watch 
 charms made up out of the original clapper ? " 
 
 "No, sir." 
 
 The Doctor, in his turn, looked amazed. 
 
 " Come, Hicks, that is not possible," he said. " I 
 warn you I shall trace them without any difficulty." 
 
 Then Hickey smiled, a long delicious smile of 
 culminating triumph. Slowly he drew forth from 
 his pocket an envelope, from which he produced 
 a legal document. 
 
 " If you will kindly read this, sir," he said, tend 
 ing it with deepest respect. 
 
 The Doctor took it, glanced curiously at Hickey, 
 and then began to read. Presently his face relaxed, 
 and despite a struggle a smile appeared. Then he 
 handed the document to Mr. Tapping, who read as 
 follows : 
 
 I, John J. Goodsell, representing the firm of 
 White, Brown and Bangs, jewellers of Trenton, New 
 Jersey, take oath that I have this day engaged to 
 manufacture for William Orville Hicks of the Law-
 
 FURTHER PERSECUTION OF RICKEY 127 
 
 renceville school 250 small clappers, design sub 
 mitted, of iron plated with silver, and that the iron 
 which forms the foundation comes from scrap-iron 
 entirely furnished by us. 
 
 Sworn to in the presence of notary. 
 
 JOHN J. GOODSELL. 
 
 Attached to the document was a bill as follows : 
 
 William Orville Hicks, Dr., 
 
 To White, Brown and Bangs. 
 
 250 silver gilt clappers, at lie apiece. . . . $27.50 
 Received payment.
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 
 
 " THAT was just before I licked Whitey Brown," said 
 Lazelle, alias Gazelle, alias the Rocky Mountain Goat 
 and the Gutter Pup. " Cracky, that was a fight ! " 
 
 " How many rounds ? " asked Lovely Mead, dis 
 robing for the night. 
 
 "Eleven and a half. Knocked him to the count 
 128
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 129 
 
 in the middle of the twelfth with a left jab to the 
 bellows," said the Gutter Pup professionally. " He 
 weighed ten pounds more than me. Ever do any 
 fighting ? " 
 
 " Sure," said the new arrival instantly. 
 
 " How many times ? " 
 
 " Oh, I can t remember." 
 
 " You don t look it." 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 " Your complexion s too lovely ; and you re only a 
 shaver, you know." 
 
 " I m fifteen, almost sixteen," said Lovely, bri 
 dling up and surveying his new roommate with a cal 
 culating glance. " How old are you? " 
 
 "I ve been three years at Lawrenceville, fresh 
 man," said the Gutter Pup severely. " That s the 
 difference. What s your longest fight?" 
 
 "Twenty-one rounds," said Lovely, promptly. 
 
 " Oh," said the Gutter Pup in profound disap 
 pointment. " He licked you? " 
 
 " No." 
 
 "You licked him?" 
 
 " No." 
 
 "What then?" 
 
 " They stopped us."
 
 130 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 "Huh!" 
 
 " We had to let it go over to the next day." 
 
 "And then?" 
 
 " Then I put him out in the thirteenth." 
 
 "Yes, you did!" 
 
 " Yes, I did." 
 
 The two fiery-haired champions stood measuring 
 each other with their glances. Lovely Mead ran his 
 eye over the wiry arms and chest opposite him and 
 wondered. The Gutter Pup in veteran disdain was 
 about to remark that Lovely was a cheerful liar 
 when the tolling of the gym bell broke in on a dan 
 gerous situation. The Gutter Pup dove into bed 
 and, reaching for a slipper, hurled it across the 
 room, striking the candle fair and square and plung 
 ing the room into darkness. 
 
 " I learned that trick," he said, " the year I put 
 the Welsh Rarebit to sleep in six." He stopped 
 and ruminated over Lovely s story of his two-day 
 fight, and then spoke scornfully from the dark : " I 
 never fought anybody over eleven rounds. I never 
 had to." 
 
 Lovely heard and possessed his soul in patience. 
 He was on his second day at the school, his spirit not 
 a whit subdued, though considerably awed, by the
 
 MAKING FRIENDS x 131 
 
 sacred dignities of the old boys. He liked the Gut 
 ter Pup, with one reservation, and that was an in 
 stinctive antagonism for which there was no logical 
 explanation. But at the first fistic reminiscence of 
 the Gutter Pup he had sought in his soul anxiously 
 and asked himself, " Can I lick him? " Each time 
 the question repeated itself he felt an overwhelming 
 impulse to throw down the gage and settle the awful 
 doubt then and there. It was pure instinct, nothing 
 more. The Gutter Pup was really a good sort and 
 had adopted him in quite a decent way without 
 taking an undue advantage. In fact, Lovely was 
 certain that in his roommate he had met the con 
 genial soul, the chum, the best friend among all 
 friends for whom he had waited and yearned. His 
 heart went out to the joyous, friendly Gazelle, but 
 his fingers -contracted convulsively. Theirs was to 
 be an enduring friendship, a sacred, Three Mus 
 keteer sort of friendship after one small detail was 
 settled. 
 
 The next morning Lovely Mead bounded up with 
 the rising bell and started nervously to dress. There 
 was a lazy commotion in the opposite bed, and then, 
 after a few languid movements of the covers, the 
 Gutter Pup s reddish head appeared in surprise.
 
 133 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " Why, Lovely, what are you doing? " 
 
 "Dressing. Didn t you hear the bell?" 
 
 " Jimminy crickets, what a waste, what an awful 
 waste of time," said the Gutter Pup, luxuriously, 
 stretching his arms and yawning. " Say, Lovely, I 
 like you. You re a good sort and that was a rattlin* 
 plucky tackle you made yesterday. Say, we re go 
 ing to get on famously together, only, Lovely, you 
 are green, you know." 
 
 " I suppose I am." 
 
 "You are. Of course, you can t help it, you 
 know. Every one starts that way. Lordy, Lovely, 
 you remind me of the first time I hit this old place, 
 three weeks after I fought Mucker Dennis, of the 
 Seventy-second Street gang." 
 
 Lovely Mead s gorge swelled up with indignation. 
 To hide his emotion, he plunged his head into the 
 basin and emerged dripping. 
 
 " I say, Lovely, I must give you some pointers," 
 said the Gutter Pup affably. " Everything de 
 pends, you know, on the start. You want to stand 
 in with the masters, you know. Study hard the 
 first week and get your lessons down fine, and work 
 up their weak points, and you ll slide through the 
 term with ease and pleasure."
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 133 
 
 " What are these weak points ? " inquired Lovely 
 from the depths of a clean shirt. 
 
 " Oh, I mean the side they re most approachable. 
 Now the Roman, you know, when he makes a joke 
 you always want to laugh as though you were going 
 to die." 
 
 "Does he make many jokes?" asked Lovely. 
 
 " Cracky, yes. Then there s one very important 
 one he makes around Thanksgiving that every one 
 watches for. I ll put you on, but you must be very 
 careful." 
 
 "What? The same joke every year?" said 
 Lovely. 
 
 " Regular. It s about Volturcius in Caesar the 
 * c is soft, you know, but you have to pronounce it 
 Vol-turk-ious." 
 
 "Why so?" 
 
 " So the Roman can say, * No-o, no-o, not even 
 the near approach of Thanksgiving will justify 
 such a pronunciation. See? That s the cue to 
 laugh until the tears wet the page. It s most 
 important." 
 
 " What about the Doctor? " 
 
 "Easy, dead easy; just ask questions, side-path 
 questions that ll lead him away from the lesson and
 
 1S4 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 give him a chance to discourse. Say another 
 thing, Lovely, don t go and buy anything in the vil 
 lage ; let me do that for you." 
 
 " Thanks." 
 
 " I m on to their games, you know ; I m wise. Oh, 
 say, another pointer about the jigger-shop. You 
 want to build up your credit with Al, you know." 
 
 " How d you mean ? " 
 
 " The best way is to get trusted right off while 
 you ve got the chink and then pay up promptly at 
 the end of a week, and repeat the operation a couple 
 of times. Then Al thinks you re conscientious about 
 debts and that sort of thing, and when the hard-up 
 months come he ll let you go the limit." 
 
 * I say, Lazelle," said Lovely, admiringly, " you ve 
 got it down pretty fine, haven t you? It s real 
 white of you to look after me this way." 
 
 " You re all right," said the Gutter Pup, still loll 
 ing in bed. " All you want is to lay low for a 
 month or so and no one ll bother you. Besides, I ll 
 see to that." 
 
 " Thank you." 
 
 "You see, Lovely, I ve taken a fancy to you: a 
 real, live, fat, young fancy. You remind me of 
 Bozy Walker that was fired for introducing geese
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 135 
 
 into the Muffin Head s bedroom ; dear old Bozy, he 
 stood up to me for seven rounds." 
 
 Lovely Mead dropped the hairbrush in his agita 
 tion and drew a long breath. How much longer 
 could his weak human nature hold out? Downstairs 
 the gong began to call them to breakfast. With 
 the first sound the Gutter Pup was in the middle of 
 the floor, out of his pajamas and into his clothes 
 before the gong had ceased to ring. He plunged 
 his head into the basin already filled with water, 
 dried himself, parted the moist hair with one sweep 
 ing stroke of his comb, snapped a dickey about his 
 neck and struggled into his coat while Lovely was 
 still staring with amazement. 
 
 " That s the way it s done," said the Gutter Pup, 
 triumphantly. " There s only one fellow in the 
 school can beat me out, and that s that old Hickey, 
 over in the Dickinson; but I ll beat him yet. Are 
 you ready ? Come on ! " 
 
 The trouble was that the Gutter Pup was abso 
 lutely unaware of the disturbance in Lovely s mind, 
 or that his reminiscences provoked such thoughts of 
 combat. He took Lovely to the village and fitted 
 him out, hectoring the tradesmen and smashing 
 prices with debonair impudence that Lovely sneak-
 
 136 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 ingly envied. Certainly the Gutter Pup was un 
 usually cordial and did not in the least make him 
 feel the indignities of his position of newcomer, as 
 he had a right to do. 
 
 After supper they worked on the arrangement of 
 their room. The Gutter Pup grew ecstatic as 
 Lovely produced his treasures from the bottom of 
 the trunk. 
 
 "My aunt s cat s kittens!" he ejaculated as 
 Lovely produced a set of pennants in gaudy ar 
 rangement. " Will we have the boss room, though ! 
 Lovely, you are a treasure! This will make the 
 Waladoo Bird turn pale and weep for sorrow. Sup- 
 posin we ruminate." 
 
 They ranged their accumulated possessions on the 
 floor, and sat back to consider. 
 
 " Well," said the Gutter Pup, " let s begin by put 
 ting the cushions on the window-seat and the rugs 
 on the floor. Now the question is what s to have 
 the place of honour? " 
 
 " What have you got ? " asked Lovely, considering. 
 
 " I ve got a signed photograph of John L. Sulli 
 van," said the Gutter Pup, proudly producing it. 
 " It used to be cleaner, but Butsey White blew up 
 with a root-beer bottle and spattered it."
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 137 
 
 " Is it his own signature ? " inquired Lovely, gaz 
 ing in awe. 
 
 " Sure. Dear old John L. He was a fighter. 
 Now, what have you got ? " 
 
 " I ve got a picture of an actress." 
 
 "Honest?" 
 
 " Sure." 
 
 "Who is it?" 
 
 " Maude Adams." 
 
 " You don t say so ! " 
 
 "Fact." 
 
 "It isn t signed, Lovely it can t be?" 
 
 " It is." 
 
 " Cracky ! That is a prize. Maude Adams ! 
 Think of it ! What will the Waladoo Bird say? " 
 
 The Gutter Pup gazed reverently at the priceless 
 photograph and said in a breath: 
 
 " Maude Adams and John L. ; think of it, Lovely ! " 
 He paused and added in a burst of gratitude : " Say, 
 you can call me Gazelle or Razzle-dazzle now, if you 
 want; afterward we ll see about Gutter Pup." 
 
 Lovely was too overcome by this advance to voice 
 his feelings, but his heart went out to his new friend, 
 all irritation forgotten. After long discussion it was 
 decided that the two photographs, being of unique
 
 138 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 and equal value, should be hung side by side on the 
 background of an American flag. The pennants 
 were strung as a border around the walls, but were 
 speedily hidden under an imposing procession of 
 light-weight and middle-weight champions, sporting 
 prints, posters and lithographic reproductions of 
 comic opera favourites, boxing gloves, fencing masks, 
 lacrosse sticks, Japanese swords, bird nests, stolen 
 signs, photographs of athletic teams, cotillon favours 
 and emblems of the school and the Woodhull. They 
 stopped and gazed in awe and admiration, and falling 
 gleefully into each other s arms, executed a dance 
 about the room. Then Lovely Mead, in an unthink 
 ing moment, standing before the photograph of the 
 mighty John L., exclaimed: "Say, Gazelle, isn t he 
 a wonder, though ! How long have you had it ? " 
 
 " I got it," said the Gutter Pup, putting his head 
 on one side and reflecting, " right after I fought 
 Whitey Brown just before my mill with Doggie 
 Shephard a year and a half ago, I should say." 
 
 All the joy of the home-building left Lovely. He 
 sat down on the bed and pulled at his shoestrings 
 so viciously that they broke off in his hand. 
 
 "What s the matter?" said the Gutter Pup in 
 surprise.
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 139 
 
 Nothing." 
 
 " You look sort of put out." 
 
 " Oh, no." 
 
 " Whitey was a tough one," resumed the Gutter 
 Pup, lolling on the window-seat, " but Doggie was 
 no great shakes. Too fat and overgrown. He did 
 look big, but he had no footwork and his wind was 
 bad very bad." 
 
 Lovely Mead listened with averted eyes. 
 
 If he had only been an old boy he would have 
 thrown down the gauntlet then and there ; but he was 
 a freshman and must check the tugging within. Be 
 sides, there must be some excuse. He could not 
 openly, out of clear sky, provoke an old boy who had 
 taken him under his protection and had done every 
 thing to make him feel at home. Such an act would 
 be fresh, and would bring down on him the condem 
 nation of the whole school. 
 
 " Why the deuce should I care, after all ? " he 
 asked himself gloomily that night. " What differ 
 ence does it make how many fellows he s licked. I 
 suppose it s because I m a coward. That s it; it s 
 because I m afraid that he would lick me that it 
 rankles so. Am I a coward, after all, I wonder ? " 
 
 This internal questioning became an obsession. It
 
 140 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 clouded his days and took the edges from the keen 
 joy of romping over the football field and earning 
 the good word of Tough McCarthy for his neat div 
 ing tackles. Could the Gutter Pup lick him, after 
 all? He wondered, he debated, he doubted. He 
 began to brood over it until he became perfectly un 
 approachable, and the Gutter Pup, without a sus 
 picion of the real cause, began to assure Hasbrouck 
 that Lovely was being overtrained. 
 
 Meanwhile, matters were approaching a crisis 
 with Lovely. Each morning he calculated the 
 strength of the Gutter Pup s chest and arms, and 
 wondered what was the staying power of his legs. 
 Sometimes he admitted to himself that he wouldn t 
 last three rounds. At others he figured out a whole 
 plan of campaign that must wear down the Gutter 
 Pup and send him to a crashing defeat. Waking, 
 he went through imaginary rounds, received without 
 wincing tremendous, imaginary blows, and sent in 
 sledge-hammer replies that inevitably landed the 
 champion prone on his back. At night his dreams 
 were a long conglomeration of tussling and battle 
 in the most unexpected places. He fought the Gut 
 ter Pup at the top of the water-tower and saw him 
 vanish over the edge as the result of a smashing blow
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 141 
 
 on the point of the jaw; he fought him on the foot 
 ball field and in the classroom, while the Roman held 
 the watch and the head master insisted on referee- 
 ing. 
 
 The worst of it was, he knew he was going to pieces 
 and moping in a way to render himself a nuisance to 
 all his associates; and yet he couldn t help it. Try 
 as he would to skip the mention of any subject that 
 could be tagged to a date, every now and then an 
 opening would come, and the Gutter Pup would be 
 gin: "Let me see; that must have been just after 
 I fought " 
 
 At last, one night, unable to bear the strain longer, 
 Lovely went to his room resolved to end it. He 
 bided his opportunity, gazing with unseeing eyes 
 at the pages of the divine Virgil. Finally he raised 
 his head and said, abruptly : " Say, Lazelle, what do 
 you think of our chances for the football champion 
 ship?" 
 
 " Fair, only fair," said the Gutter, glad for any 
 excuse to stop studying. " The Davis and the Dick 
 inson look better to me." 
 
 " How long has it been since we won ? " said 
 Lovely, scarcely breathing. 
 
 " Let me see," said the Gutter Pup, unsuspecting.
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 " We won the fall I fought Legs Brownell behind the 
 Davis house." 
 
 " Lazelle," said Lovely, rising desperately, " I can 
 lick you ! " 
 
 "What?" 
 
 " I can lick you ! " 
 
 " Hello," said the Gutter Pup, considering him in 
 amazement ; " what does this mean ? " 
 
 " It means I can lick you," repeated Lovely dog 
 gedly, advancing and clenching his fists. 
 
 "You want a fight?" 
 
 " I do." 
 
 "Why, bully for you!" 
 
 The Gutter Pup considered, joyfully, with a 
 glance at the clock. 
 
 " It s too late now to pull it off. We ll let it go 
 until to-morrow night. Besides, you ll be in better 
 condition then, and you can watch your food, which 
 is important. I ll notify Hickey. You don t mind 
 fighting by lamplight? " 
 
 "Huh!" 
 
 " Of course, we ll fight under the auspices of the 
 Sporting Club, with a ring and sponges and that 
 sort of thing," said the Gutter Pup cheerfully. 
 " You ll like it. It s a secret organisation and it s a
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 143 
 
 great honour to belong. Hickey, at the Dickinson, 
 got it up. He s president, and referees. I m the 
 official timekeeper, but that don t matter. They ll 
 arrange for seconds and all that sort of thing, and 
 Doc Macnooder is always there for medical assist 
 ance. You re sure the lights won t bother you?" 
 
 " No." 
 
 " It s a queer effect, though. First time I fought 
 Snapper Bell " 
 
 " Lazelle," said Lovely, choking with rage, " I 
 can lick you, right now here and I don t believe 
 you ever licked anyone in your life ! " 
 
 " Look here, freshman," said the Gutter Pup, at 
 once on his dignity ; " I ve stood enough of your 
 impertinence. You ll do just as I say, and you ll 
 act like a gentleman and a sport and not like a mem 
 ber of the Seventy-second Street gang. We ll fight 
 like sportsmen, to-morrow, at midnight, under the 
 auspices of the Sporting Club, in the baseball cage, 
 and until then I ll dispense with your conversation! 
 Do you hear me? " 
 
 Lovely Mead felt the justice of the reproof. Yes, 
 he had acted like a member of the Seventy-second 
 Street gang! He glanced up at the photograph 
 (slightly spotted) of John L., and he thought of
 
 144 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 Ivanhoe and the Three Musketeers, and Sir Nigel 
 of the White Company, and presently he said, ten 
 tatively : 
 
 " I say " 
 
 No answer. 
 
 "Lazelle " 
 
 Still no answer. 
 
 " Say, I want to to apologise. You re right 
 about the Seventy-second Street gang. I m sorry." 
 
 " All right," said the Gutter Pup, not quite ap 
 peased. " I m glad you apologised." 
 
 " But we fight to-morrow to the end to the 
 limit!" 
 
 " You re on!" 
 
 They spoke no more that night, undressing in 
 silence, each covertly swelling his muscles and glanc 
 ing with stolen looks at his opponent s knotted torso. 
 By morning the Gutter Pup s serenity had re 
 turned. 
 
 " Well, how re you feeling? How did you sleep? " 
 he asked, poking his nose over the coverlets. 
 
 "Like a log," returned Lovely, lying gloriously. 
 
 " Good. Better take a nap in the afternoon, 
 though, if you re not used to midnight scrapping." 
 
 Thanks."
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 145 
 
 " Mind the food no hot biscuits, and that sort 
 of thing. A dish of popovers almost put me to the 
 bad the first time I met Bull Dunham. Fact, and he 
 didn t know enough to counter." 
 
 Lovely dressed and hurriedly left the room. 
 
 At two o clock, to his amazement, Charley De 
 Soto, the great quarterback, in person, waited on 
 him in company with the gigantic Turkey Reiter, 
 tackle on the eleven, and informed him that they had 
 been appointed his seconds and anxiously inquired 
 after his welfare. 
 
 " I oh, I m doing pretty well, thank you, sir," 
 said Lovely, overcome with embarrassment and pride. 
 
 " Say, Charley," said Turkey, after an approving 
 examination, " I kind of hanker to the looks of this 
 here bantam. He s got the proper colour hair and 
 the protruding jaw. Danged if I don t believe he ll 
 give the Gutter Pup the fight of his life." 
 
 " Can you lick him? " said De Soto, looking 
 Lovely tensely in the eyes. 
 
 " I ll do it or die," said Lovely, with a lump in 
 his throat. 
 
 " Good, but mind this, youngster : no funking. I 
 don t stand second to any quitter. If I m behind 
 you, you ve got to win."
 
 146 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 Lovely thought at that moment that death on the 
 rack would be a delight if it only could win a nod 
 of approbation from Charley De Soto. 
 
 " How s your muscles ? " asked Turkey. He ran 
 his fingers over him, slapped his chest and punched 
 his hips, saying: 
 
 " Hard as a rock, Charley." 
 
 " How s your wind? " said De Soto. 
 
 "Pretty well, thank you, sir," said Lovely, quite 
 overcome by the august presence. 
 
 " Now keep your mind off things. Don t let the 
 Gutter Pup bluff you. Slip over to the Upper, right 
 after lights, and I ll take charge of the rest. By 
 the way, Turk, who s in the corner with the Gutter 
 Pup?" 
 
 " Billy Condit and the Triumphant Egghead." 
 
 " Good. We ll just saunter over and lay a little 
 bet. So-long, youngster. No jiggers or eclairs. 
 See you later." 
 
 " So-long, old Sporting Life," added Turkey, with 
 a friendly tap on the shoulder. " Mind now, keep 
 cheerful." 
 
 Lovely s mood was not exactly cheerful. In fact 
 he felt as if the bottom had fallen out of things. He 
 tried his best to follow Charley De Soto s advice
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 147 
 
 and not think of the coming encounter, but, do what 
 he would, his mind slipped ahead to the crowded base 
 ball cage, the small, ill-lighted ring, and the Gutter 
 Pup. 
 
 "After all, will he lick me?" he said, almost 
 aloud. His heart sank, or rather it was a depression 
 in the pit of his stomach. 
 
 " Supposing he does ? " he went on, pressing his 
 knuckles against his teeth. What a humiliation after 
 his boast! There would be only one thing to do 
 leave school at once, and never, never return! 
 
 He had wandered down to the football field where 
 the candidates for the school eleven were passing and 
 falling on the ball under the shouted directions of 
 the veterans. The bulky figure of Turkey Reiter, 
 gigantic with its padded shoulders and voluminous 
 sweater, hove into view, and the tackle s rumbling 
 voice cried out: 
 
 " Hi there, old Sockarooster, this won t do ! Keep 
 a-laughin ; keep cheerful ; tumble down here and shag 
 for me." 
 
 Lovely Mead went gratefully to fetch the balls 
 that Turkey booted, far down the field, to the waiting 
 halfbacks. 
 
 " Feeling a bit serious, eh? " said Turkey.
 
 148 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 Well " 
 
 " Sure you are. That s nothing. Don t let the 
 Gutter Pup see it, though. He s got to believe we 
 are holding you in, chaining you up, keepin you 
 under the bars, cause you re barking to get at him. 
 Savvy ? Chuck in a bluff, old sport, and keep cheer 
 ful. Better now?" 
 
 " Yes, thank you," said Lovely, who was in nowise 
 suffering from an excess of hilarity. 
 
 He did not see the Gutter Pup until supper, and 
 then had to undergo again his solicitous inquiries. 
 By a horrible effort he succeeded in telling a funny 
 story at the table, and laughed until his own voice 
 alarmed him. Then he relapsed into silence, smiling 
 furiously at every remark, and chewing endlessly on 
 food that had no flavour for him. 
 
 "Lovely," said the Gutter Pup upstairs, shaking 
 his head, " you don t look fit ; you re getting nerv 
 ous." 
 
 " Sure," said Lovely, remembering Turkey s in 
 junction. " I m a high-strung, vicious tempera- 
 ament 1 " 
 
 " Your eye acts sort of loose," said the Gutter 
 Pup, unconvinced. " You re new to fighting before 
 a big assemblage. It s no wonder. I don t want
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 149 
 
 any accidental advantages. Say the word and we ll 
 put it over." 
 
 " No," said Lovely, quite upset by his friendly 
 offer. " I only hope, Lazelle, I can hold myself in. 
 I ve got an awful temper; I m afraid I ll kill a man 
 some day." 
 
 " No, Lovely," said Gutter Pup, shaking his head. 
 " You don t deceive me. You are ill ill, I tell you, 
 and you might as well own up." 
 
 The truth was, Lovely was ill and rapidly get 
 ting worse under the insouciance of the veteran of 
 the ring. 
 
 " Why, my aunt s cat s pants, Lovely," said the 
 Gutter Pup seriously. " That s nothing to be 
 ashamed of. Didn t I get it the same way the first 
 time I went up against Bloody Davis, of the 
 Murray Hill gang, on a bet I d stick out three 
 rounds ? " 
 
 Lovely Mead drew a sigh of relief. The red blood 
 seemed to rush back into his veins once more, and his 
 lungs to resume their appointed functions. 
 
 " September s a good month for these little 
 things," he said hopefully. 
 
 " October s better, more snap in the air," said the 
 Gutter Pup. " September s muggy. I remember
 
 150 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 when I was matched against Slugger Kelly; it was 
 so hot I lost ten pounds, and the fight only went five 
 rounds, at that. 
 
 The old provocation had roused up the old antag 
 onism in Lovely. He hardly dared trust himself 
 longer in the room, so he bolted and slipped down to 
 the Waladoo s room and out into the campus. 
 
 " Gee," he said to himself, with a sigh of relief, " if 
 I could only get at him now! " 
 
 At taps he went cautiously to the Upper, by the 
 back way, and gained the room of Charley De Soto, 
 where he was told to turn in on the window-seat and 
 take it easy. 
 
 Presently Turkey Reiter and Macnooder arrived 
 to discuss the probabilities. Then Bo jo Lowry, who 
 could play anything, sat down at the piano and per 
 formed the most wonderful variations and medleys, 
 until Lovely forgot any future engagement in the 
 delight of gazing from his cushioned recess on real 
 Fourth Formers, enjoying the perquisites and lib 
 erties of the Upper House. 
 
 Suddenly Macnooder glanced at his watch and an 
 nounced that it was almost midnight. Lovely sprang 
 up feverishly. 
 
 " Here, young Sporting Life," cried Turkey, " no
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 151 
 
 champing on the bit ! Just a dash of calm and tran 
 quillity." 
 
 " Easy, easy there," said De Soto, with a profes 
 sional glance. 
 
 " Ready here," said Macnooder, picking up a 
 brown satchel. " I ll bleed him if he faints." 
 
 They separated, and, on tiptoe, by various routes, 
 departed from the Upper, making wide circles in the 
 darkness before seeking the baseball cage, Lovely 
 Mead supported on either side by Charley De Soto 
 and Turkey. 
 
 They gave the countersign at the door, and were 
 admitted noiselessly into the utter blackness of the 
 baseball cage. Lovely waited in awe, unable to dis 
 tinguish anything, clutching at Turkey s arm. 
 
 "Is the Gutter Pup here yet?" said De Soto s 
 voice, in a whisper. 
 
 Another voice, equally guarded, replied : " Just 
 in." 
 
 From time to time the door opened on the starry 
 night and vague forms flitted in. Then other voices 
 spoke : 
 
 "What time is it?" 
 
 "Midnight, Hickey." 
 
 "Lock the door; no admittance now. Egg-
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 head, show up with the light. Strike up, Morning 
 Glory!" 
 
 A bull s-eye flashed out from one corner, and then 
 two lanterns filled the gloom with their trembling 
 flicker. 
 
 Out of the mist suddenly sprang forty-odd mem 
 bers of the Sporting Club, grouped about a vacant 
 square in the middle of the cage which had been roped 
 off. De Soto and Turkey pushed forward to their 
 appointed stations, where chairs had been placed for 
 the principals. Lovely seated himself and glanced 
 across the ropes. The Gutter Pup was already in his 
 corner, stripped to the waist, and being gently mas 
 saged by the Triumphant Egghead and Billy Condit, 
 captain of the eleven. 
 
 In the middle of the ring, Hickey, in his quality of 
 president and referee, was giving his directions in 
 low, quick syllables. The assembled sporting gentle 
 men pressed forward for the advantage of position ; 
 the two front ranks assuming sitting or crouching 
 positions, over which the back rows craned. Lovely 
 gazed in awe at the select assembly. The elite of the 
 school was there. He saw Glendenning, Rock Bemis 
 and Tough McCarthy of his own house, scattered 
 among such celebrities as Crazy Opdyke, the Mug-
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 153 
 
 wump Politician, Goat Phillips, who ate the necktie, 
 and the Duke of Bilgewater, Wash Simmons, Cap 
 Kiefer, Stonewall Jackson, Tug Moffat, Slugger 
 Jones, Ginger-Pop Rooker, Cheyenne Baxter, Red 
 Dog, Hungry Smeed, and Beauty Sawtelle, all si 
 lently estimating the strength of the freshman who 
 had to go up against the veteran Gutter Pup. 
 
 Referee Hickey paid a quick visit to the contend 
 ing camps, and was assured that each antagonist was 
 restrained from flying at his opponent s throat only 
 by the combined efforts of his seconds. 
 
 " Gentlemen of the Sporting Club," said Hickey, 
 scraping one foot and shooting his collar, as referees 
 do, " Before proceeding with the evening s entertain 
 ment, the management begs to remind you that the 
 labours incident to the opening of the school have 
 been unusually heavy unusually so ; and, as we par 
 ticularly desire that nothing shall be done to disturb 
 the slumbers of our overworked Faculty, we will ask 
 you to applaud only in the English fashion, by whis 
 pering to your neighbour, Oh, very well struck, in 
 deed, when you are moved to excitement. We gently 
 remind you that any one breaking forth into cheers 
 will be first slugged and then expelled. 
 
 " Gentlemen of the Sporting Club, I have the
 
 154 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 honour to present to you the evening s contestants. 
 On the right, our well-known sporting authority, Mr. 
 Gutter Pup Lazelle, known professionally as the 
 Crouching Kangaroo. On the left, Mr. Lovely 
 Mead, the dark horse from Erie, Pennsylvania, who 
 has been specially fed on raw beef in preparation for 
 the encounter. Both boys are members of the Wood- 
 hull branch of this club. The rounds will be of 
 three minutes each one minute intermission. Mr. 
 Welsh Rabbit Simpson will act as timekeeper, and 
 will return the stop-watch immediately on conclusion 
 of the exercises. Both contestants have signified 
 their desire to abide strictly to the rules laid down by 
 the late Marquess of Queensberry, bless him! No 
 fouls will be tolerated, and only one blow may be 
 struck in the break-away. 
 
 " In the corner for the Gutter Pup, Mr. William 
 Condit, the tiddledy-winks champion, and the only 
 Triumphant Egghead in captivity. 
 
 " In the corner for Lovely, Mr. Turkey Reiter, 
 the Dickinson Mud Lark, and Mr. Charles De Soto, 
 the famous .crochet expert. Doctor Macnooder, the 
 Trenton veterinary, is in attendance, but will not be 
 allowed to practice. The referee of the evening will 
 be that upright and popular sportsman, the Honour-
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 155 
 
 able Hickey Hicks. Let the contestants step into 
 the ring." 
 
 Lovely was shoved to his feet and propelled for 
 ward by a resounding slap on his shoulders from 
 Turkey Reiter. He had sat in a daze, awed by the 
 strange, imposing countenances of the school celeb 
 rities, duly submitting to the invigorating massage 
 of his seconds, hearing nothing of the directions 
 showered on him. Now he was actually in the ring, 
 feeling the hard earth under his feet, looking into the 
 eyes of the Gutter Pup, who came up cheerfully ex 
 tending his hand. Surprised, Lovely took it, and 
 grinned a sheepish grin. 
 
 " Ready go ! " came the command. 
 
 Instantly the Gutter Pup sprang back, assuming 
 that low, protective attitude which had earned from 
 Hickey the epithet of the Crouching Kangaroo. 
 Lovely, very much embarrassed, extended his left 
 arm, holding his right in readiness while he moved 
 mechanically forward on the point of his toes. The 
 Gutter Pup, smiling at him, churned his arms and 
 shifted slightly to one side. Strangely enough, 
 Lovely felt all his resentment vanish. He no longer 
 had the slightest desire to hurl himself on his an 
 tagonist. Indeed, it would at that moment have
 
 156 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 seemed quite a natural act to extend his hand to 
 the joyful Gutter Pup and close the incident with a 
 laugh. But there he was, irrevocably destined to 
 fight before the assembled Sporting Club, under 
 penalty of everlasting disgrace. He made a tenta 
 tive jab and sprang lightly back from the Gutter 
 Pup s reply. Then he moved forward and back 
 ward, feinting with his left and right, wishing all the 
 time that the Gutter Pup would rush in and strike 
 him, that he might attack with anger instead of this 
 weakening mental attitude to which he was at present 
 a prisoner. Twice the Gutter Pup s blows grazed 
 his head, and once landed lightly on his chest, with 
 out his being at all moved from his calm. The call 
 of " Time " surprised him. He went to his seconds 
 frowning. 
 
 "What s wrong, young n? " said De Soto. 
 " You re not in the game." 
 
 " No," said Lovely, shaking his head. " I I ve 
 got to get mad first." 
 
 " All right, that ll come. Keep cool and play to 
 tire him out," said De Soto, satisfied. " Make him 
 do the prancing around; don t you waste any 
 energy." 
 
 " Time ! " whispered the Welsh Rabbit.
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 157 
 
 Again he was in the ring, experiencing once more 
 that same incomprehensible feeling of sympathy for 
 the Gutter Pup. The more he danced about, shaking 
 his head and feinting with quick, nervous jabs, the 
 more Lovely s heart warmed up to him. Wasn t he 
 a jolly, genial chap, though? Desperately Lovely 
 strove to remember some fault, a word or a look that 
 had once offended him. In vain ; nothing came. He 
 liked the chap better than he had ever liked any one 
 before. He struck out as one strikes at his dearest 
 friend, and a low groan of disgust rose from the 
 Sporting Club. 
 
 " Ah, put some steam in it ! " 
 
 " Do you think you re pickin cherries ? " 
 
 " That s it be polite ! " 
 
 " Sister, don t hurt little brother ! " 
 
 The Welsh Rabbit spoke: 
 
 "Time!" 
 
 Not a real blow had yet been struck. Lovely went 
 to his corner perplexed. 
 
 " That s the boy," said De Soto, with a satisfied 
 shake of his head. " That s the game ! Don t mind 
 what you hear. Play the long game. The Crouch 
 ing Kangaroo style is all very pretty, but it doesn t 
 save the wind."
 
 158 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " Never mind the ballet steps, Sport," added Tur 
 key, vigorously applying the towel. " Hold in, but 
 when you do start, rip the in ards out of things." 
 
 " They think I m doing it on purpose," said Lovely 
 to himself. 
 
 " Time! " called the Welsh Rabbit. 
 
 The Gutter Pup, changing his tactics, as though 
 he had sufficiently reconnoitred, began to attack 
 with rapid, pestiferous blows that annoyed Lovely 
 as a swarm of gnats annoys a dog. He shook his 
 head angrily and sought an opportunity to strike, 
 but the fusillade continued, light but disconcerting. 
 When he struck, the Gutter Pup slipped away or 
 ducked and returned smiling and professional to at 
 tack. Lovely began to be irritated by the Gutter 
 Pup s complacency. He wasn t serious enough, 
 his levity was insulting. Also, he was furious be 
 cause the Gutter Pup would not strike him a blow 
 that hurt. His jaw set and he started to rush. 
 
 " Time! " said the Welsh Rabbit. 
 
 Lovely went to his corner unconvinced. 
 
 " Are the rounds three minutes ? " he asked. 
 
 " Sure," said Turkey. " Don t worry ; they ll get 
 longer." 
 
 Lovely looked across at the opposite camp. The
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 159 
 
 adherents of the Gutter Pup were patting him on the 
 back, exulting over his work. 
 
 " What s he done? " said Lovely, angrily, to him 
 self ; " that sort of work wouldn t hurt a fly." 
 
 " Time ! " said the Welsh Rabbit. 
 
 Lovely walked slowly to meet the Gutter Pup, 
 bursting with irritation. He waited, and as the Gut 
 ter Pup attacked he plunged forward, taking a 
 blow in the face, and drove his fist joyfully into the 
 chest before him. The Gutter Pup went back like 
 a tenpin, staggered, and kept his footing. When he 
 came up there was no longer a smile in his eyes. 
 
 They threw boxing to the winds. It was give and 
 take, fast and furious, back and forth against the 
 ropes, and rolling over and over on the ground. 
 
 " Time ! " announced the Welsh Rabbit, and 
 Hickey had to pry them apart. 
 
 Lovely thought the intermission would never end. 
 He sat stolidly, paying no heed to his seconds pray 
 ers to go slow, to rest up this next round, to make 
 the Gutter Pup work. He would fight his fight his 
 own way, without assistance. 
 
 " Time ! " said the Welsh Rabbit. 
 
 Lovely started from his corner for the thing that 
 came to meet him without yielding, exchanging blows
 
 160 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 without attempt at blocking, rushing into clinches, 
 locking against the heaving chest, looking into the 
 strange, wild eyes, pausing for neither breath nor 
 rest. 
 
 Once he was rushed across the ring, fighting back 
 like a tiger, and jammed over the ropes into the ranks 
 of the spectators. Then he caught the Gutter Pup 
 off his balance, and drove him the same way, his arms 
 working like pistons. The rounds continued and 
 ended with nothing to choose between them. 
 
 Lovely felt neither the blows received nor the 
 rough rubbing-down of his seconds. He heard noth 
 ing but the sharp cries of " Time ! " and sometimes 
 he didn t hear that; but a rough hand would seize 
 him (was it Hickey s?) and tear him away from the 
 body against him. 
 
 He went down several times, wondering what had 
 caused it, quits for standing moments triumphantly, 
 while the fallen Gutter Pup raised himself from the 
 ground. 
 
 Then he lost track of the rounds ; and the rows of 
 sweaters and funny white faces about the ring seemed 
 to swell and multiply into crowds that stretched far 
 back and up. The lights seemed to be going out 
 getting terribly dim and unsteady.
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 163 
 
 Once in his corner he thought he heard some one 
 say : " Fifteenth round " fifteen, and he could re 
 member only six. In fact, he had forgotten whom 
 he was fighting or what it was about, only that some 
 one on whose knee he was resting was shrieking in his 
 ear: 
 
 " He s all out, Lovely. You ve got him. Just 
 one good soak just one lovely one! " 
 
 That was a joke, he supposed a poor joke but 
 he would see to that " one soak " the next round. 
 
 " Time ! " cried the Welsh Rabbit. 
 
 For the sixteenth time the seconds raised their 
 champions, steadied them, and sent them forth. One 
 good blow would send either toppling over to the 
 final count. So they craned forward in wild excite 
 ment, exhorting them in hoarse whispers. 
 
 The two contestants gyrated up and stood blankly 
 regarding each other. About them rose a murmur 
 of voices: 
 
 "Sail in! * 
 
 " Soak him, Lovely ! " 
 
 " Clean him up, Gutter Pup ! " 
 
 "One to the jaw!" 
 
 " Now s your time ! " 
 
 With a simultaneous movement each raised his
 
 164 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 right and shot it lumberingly forward, past the hazy, 
 confronting head, fruitlessly into the air. Renewed 
 whispers, dangerously loud, arose: 
 
 " Now s your chance, Gutter Pup ! " 
 
 " Draw off and smash him ! " 
 
 " He s all yours, Lovely ! " 
 
 "Oh, Lovely, hit him! hit him!" 
 
 "Just once!" 
 
 They neither heard nor cared. Their arms locked 
 lovingly about their shoulders, and they began to 
 settle. New cries: 
 
 " Break away ! " 
 
 " Don t let him pull you down ! " 
 
 " Keep your feet, Lovely ! " 
 
 " They re both going! " 
 
 With a gradual, deliberate motion, Lovely and the 
 Gutter Pup sat down, still affectionately embraced ; 
 then, wavering a moment, careened over and lay 
 blissfully unconscious. Amazement and perplexity 
 burst forth. 
 
 " Why, they re done for ! " 
 
 " They re out they re both out ! " 
 
 " Sure enough." 
 
 " What happens? " 
 
 " Who wins?"
 
 MAKING FRIENDS 165 
 
 " Well, did you ever- 
 
 Suddenly Hickey, standing forward, began to 
 count : 
 
 " One, two, three " 
 
 " What s he doing that for? " 
 
 "Aren t they both down?" 
 
 " Four, five, six, seven " 
 
 " But Lovely went first ! " 
 
 " No, the Gutter Pup." 
 
 " Eight, nine, TEN! " cried Hickey. " I declare 
 both men down and out. The Sporting Club will 
 register one knockout to the credit of the Gutter 
 Pup and one to Lovely Mead. All bets off. The 
 Welsh Rabbit will proceed to return that watch ! ! " 
 
 At seven o clock the next morning Lovely, from 
 his delicious bed, gazed across at the swollen head of 
 the Gutter Pup. At the same instant the Gutter 
 Pup, opening his eyes, perceived the altered map of 
 Lovely s features. 
 
 " Lovely," he said brokenly, " you re the finest 
 ever. You re a man after my own heart ! " 
 
 " Razzle-dazzle," replied Lovely, choking, " you re 
 the finest sport and gentleman in the land. I love 
 you better than a brother."
 
 166 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 " Lovely, that was the greatest fight that has ever 
 been fought," said the Gutter Pup. " You are the 
 daisy scrapper ! " 
 
 " Razzle-dazzle " 
 
 " Call me Gutter Pup." 
 
 " Gutter Pup, you ve got the nerve market cor 
 nered." 
 
 " Lovely, I haven t felt so happy since the day I 
 stood up five rounds " 
 
 Suddenly the Gutter Pup stopped and added apol 
 ogetically : " Say, Lovely, honest, does my au-to- 
 biography annoy you? " 
 
 And Lovely replied happily: 
 
 " No, Gutter Pup, honest not now."
 
 THE HERO OF AN HOUR 
 
 GEORGE BARKER SMITH was one of the four-hun 
 dred-odd boys whose names figure in the school cata 
 logue at the .commencement of each year. He had 
 passed from the shell into the first form, from the 
 first form into the second, where he had remained 
 an extra year, during the elongating, dormant period 
 of his growth, and another year, during the dormant, 
 elongating one. Then in the seventh year of his ca 
 reer he finally achieved the fourth form and entered 
 the Upper House. 
 
 During this generous stay he had done nothing 
 
 167
 
 168 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 to distinguish himself from his neighbour. He had 
 never accomplished anything heroic, attempted any 
 thing daring, or done anything ridiculous. After 
 seven years his record was so blank that even the 
 fertile imaginations of Hickey and Macnooder could 
 find nothing on which to hang a nickname. Besides, 
 it is doubtful if they ever stopped to think of George 
 Barker Smith. He filled in, he was the average a 
 part of the great background of school life, which 
 made up the second teams in athletic contests and 
 substituted occasionally on the banjo and mandolin 
 clubs, after borrowing a dress suit across the hall. 
 
 He ran in debt at the jigger-shop, like everyone 
 else, or he might have been called Miser. He flunked 
 in Greek and mathematics sufficiently to escape the 
 epithet of Poler. He had occasionally been read 
 out at roll-call for absence from bath, thus invali 
 dating the right to Soapsuds or Wash. 
 
 Sometimes, when his neighbours dropped in on 
 him in quest of stamps or a collar or a jersey, they 
 called him affectionately Smithy, old Sockarooster. 
 But he was not deceived, and loaned from his ward 
 robe with a full comprehension of the value of en 
 dearing terms. Smithy! After seven years he was 
 just Smithy his whole story was there.
 
 THE HERO OF AN HOUR 169 
 
 And in the secret places of his heart, which no 
 boy reveals, George Barker Smith grieved. Covertly 
 he felt his obscureness and rebelled. After seven 
 years afflictions he would pass from Lawrenceville 
 and be forgotten. And all for the lack of a nick 
 name! If Nature had only formed him so that he 
 might have aspired to the appellation of the Tri 
 umphant Egghead. The Triumphant Egghead 
 that was a name to be proud of! Who could ever 
 forget that? There was fame secure and imperish 
 able; neither years nor distance could dim the mem 
 ory! 
 
 No, Nature had not been considerate of him. His 
 nose was just a nose, not a Beekstein; his ears were 
 ordinary ears, not Flop Ears ; his teeth were regular 
 and all present. No one would ever call him Walrus 
 or Tuskarora Smith, which sounds so well. He was 
 not tall enough to be called Ladders or Beanpole; 
 he was not small enough for Runt, Tiny, Wee-wee, 
 or The Man. He was just average size, average 
 weight, which barred a whole category, such as 
 Skinny, Puff-Ball, Shanks, Slab-Sides, Jumbo, Flea, 
 Bigboy and Razors. 
 
 To pass into the world and be forgotten ! To fade 
 from the memory of his classmates or to linger in-
 
 170 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 distinctly as one of the Smiths between Charles D. 
 and George R. ! And all for the lack of a nickname ! 
 George Barker Smith, brooding thereon, envied the 
 Gutter Pup, who likewise rejoiced in the appellation 
 of Razzle-dazzle and the Rocky Mountains Gazelle; 
 he envied the Waladoo Bird, the Coffee-Cooler,, the 
 Morning Glory ; he envied Two-Inches Brown, whose 
 indiscreet remark that he needed but that to make the 
 varsity nine had at least enrolled his name on the 
 list of celebrities ; but most of all he envied the Tri 
 umphant Egghead. With that glorious title as 
 model, he sought in himself for something which 
 might reclaim him and found nothing. From 
 Barker Smith might be made Doggie or Bow-wow 
 Smith, but even that lacked naturalness and applica 
 tion. No, there was no turning his destiny ; Smithy 
 it was decreed and Smithy it would remain. 
 
 It was not fame Smith sought. His spirit was 
 not of the sort that drags angels down. Naturally 
 there had been periods in his youth when he had 
 dreamed of reaching the Homeric proportions of 
 Turkey Reiter or Slugger Jones ; of scurrying over 
 the gridiron, darting through a maze of frantic 
 tacklers like Flash Condit, who had scored against 
 the Princeton varsity in that glorious eight to four
 
 THE HERO OF AN HOUR 171 
 
 game ; of knocking out dramatic home runs like Cap 
 Kiefer, that bring joy out of sorrow and end in 
 towering bonfires. These are glories which all may 
 dream of but few attain. 
 
 Neither did he ask for the gif^s of a Hungry 
 Smeed, for to possess the ability to eat forty-nine 
 pancakes at a sitting was a talent that is not lightly 
 bestowed. No, he did not ask for fame; all he 
 asked was to be remembered; for some incident or 
 accident to come which would mark him with a glori 
 ous, fantastic nickname that would live with the 
 Triumphant Egghead and the Duke of Bilgewater. 
 And Fate, which sometimes listens to prayers, was 
 kind and brought him not only a nickname but 
 fame real enduring fame. For in the most extraor 
 dinary way it came to pass that George Barker 
 Smith unwittingly accomplished a feat which no boy 
 had ever dared before and which it is extremely 
 unlikely will ever be duplicated in the future. And 
 this is the manner in which greatness was thrust 
 upon him. 
 
 In the last days of the month of September the 
 school returned from the fatiguing period of vaca 
 tion to seek recuperation and needed sleep in the
 
 172 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 classrooms. George Barker Smith found himself at 
 last a full-fledged fourth former, one of the lords 
 of the school, member of a free governing body, 
 with license to burn the midnight lamp unchallenged, 
 to stray into the village at all hours, to visit the jig 
 ger-shop during school and remain tranquilly seated 
 when a master bore down from the horizon, instead 
 of joining the palpitating under-formers that just 
 at his back crouched, glasses in hand, behind the 
 counter. No longer did he have to stand in file once 
 a week before the Bursar to claim a beggarly half- 
 dollar allowance. Instead, once a mouth he strolled 
 in at his pleasure and nonchalantly tendered checks 
 for fifty dollars, with which allowance his parents, 
 for one blissful year only, fondly expected him to 
 purchase all the clothes necessary per agreement. 
 
 He could hire a buggy at ruinous rates and dis 
 appear in search of distant cider-mills or visit friends 
 in Princeton, who had gone before. Finally, his 
 room was his castle, where no imperious tapping of 
 a lurking undermaster would come to disturb a little 
 party at the national game, for chips only, of course. 
 
 George Barker "Smith s room was on the third 
 floor back and had attached to it certain communal 
 rights. Even as the possession of the ground-floor
 
 THE HERO OF AN HOUR 173 
 
 rooms in the tinder-form houses entailed the obliga 
 tion to assist at all hours of the night the passage 
 to the outer world, and to assure the safe return 
 therefrom, so room 67 was the recognised highway 
 to the roof of the Upper, when the thermometer 
 had mounted above seventy-eight degrees Fahrenheit. 
 
 Those who sought the cooling heights sought se 
 curity and (be it confessed, now that an inconsid 
 erate Faculty s sanction has made smoking no longer 
 a pleasure but a choice) the companionship of the 
 Demon Cigarette or the " Coffin Nail," as it was more 
 affectionately known. The guardianship of this 
 highway, if it entailed responsibilities, also brought 
 with it certain perquisites and tariffs in the shape of 
 an invitation without expense. 
 
 Now, George Barker Smith did not like the odour 
 of tobacco in the least, and he particularly disliked 
 the effects produced by the cheap cigarette which 
 the price rendered popular. But once a fourth 
 former there were so few rules to break that this op 
 portunity had to be embraced as an imperative duty, 
 and so he resigned himself, pretending (like how 
 many others!) to inhale and enjoy it. 
 
 The last weeks of September were unusually hot 
 and distressing. The stiff collar disappeared. Two-
 
 174 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 piece suits became the fashion for full dress and 
 fatigue uniform consisted of considerably less. The 
 day was passed in long, grumbling siestas under the 
 shade of apple trees or in a complete surrender to 
 the cooling contact of peach and strawberry jiggers. 
 Even games lost their attraction, and the only sign 
 of life was the pleasant spectacle of the heavy squad 
 on the football team, puffing protestingly about the 
 circle under the cruel necessity of reducing weight. 
 
 After dark, bands were organised which stole 
 away, through negro villages, arousing frantic dogs, 
 to the banks of the not-too-fragrant canal, where 
 they spent a long, blissful hour frolicking in the 
 moonlit water or raising their voices in close har 
 mony on the bank. Other spirits, not so adventur 
 ous, contented themselves with lining up behind the 
 Upper in white, shivering line, where the hose brought 
 comfort as it played over grateful backs. 
 
 Naturally, at night, smoking up the flue, even with 
 the whispered conversations with the boy below and 
 the boy across, lost all charm. The roof became a 
 veritable rookery. Mattresses were carried up and 
 hot, suffocating boys lolled through the raging night 
 swapping yarns and gazing at the inscrutable stars. 
 
 On a certain evening, hot among the hottest,
 
 THE HERO OF AN HOUR 175 
 
 George Barker Smith, in that costume which ob 
 tained before the publication of the first fashions, 
 was sitting- at his desk in a conscientious endeavour 
 to translate one paragraph of Cicero, which he held 
 in his right hand, for every chapter of the Count 
 of Monte Cristo, which he held in his left. 
 
 At his door suddenly appeared the Triumphant 
 Egghead and Goat Phillips, whose title at this time 
 had been -conveyed solely for the butting manner 
 of his attack. Each had likewise reached that stage 
 of dishabille where there is little more to shed. 
 
 " Hello, old Sockbutts," said Egghead, genially. 
 
 " Hello yourself," returned Smith, non-commit- 
 tally. 
 
 " We re going up on the roof," continued the 
 Egghead. " Anyone up yet? " 
 
 " Not yet." 
 
 " It s as hot as blazes," said the Goat. " Better 
 come along." 
 
 "I ought to finish this Cicero," said Smith, won 
 dering if he could leave his hero in a sack, ready to 
 be plunged into the dizzy waters below. 
 
 " Oh, come on," said the Egghead ; " I ll give you 
 that when we come down. Have you any matches? 
 I ve got the coffin nails."
 
 176 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 A slight shower had ended a few minutes before 
 without bringing relief from the heat. 
 
 " Are you coming? " said the Egghead, already 
 out of the window. " Don t be a grind, Smithy." 
 
 " Sure, I m with you," replied Smith, thus forced 
 to repel the insinuation. 
 
 The Goat had gone first, then the Egghead, with 
 Smith bringing up the rear. 
 
 " Look out, fellows," whispered the pilot, lost in 
 the darkness ahead. " It s slippery as the deuce ! " 
 
 The way led up a gutter to the peak of one slope, 
 down that, up another and over to a cranny which 
 formed about the back chimneys. The still moist 
 tiles were, in fact, slippery and treacherous, and 
 their movements were made with calculation and so 
 licitude. 
 
 Smith, arriving the last at the top of the first peak, 
 waited until the Egghead had descended and climbed 
 in safety to the next ridge, glanced down the twenty 
 feet of slippery slate, and, tempted, called out: 
 
 " Look out, fellows, I m going to slide ! " 
 
 The Goat and the Egghead, in unison, cried to 
 him to desist, for the second ridge which ended the 
 slope of the first had a downward inclination to-
 
 THE HERO OF AN HOUR 177 
 
 wards the edge of the roof that made it exceedingly 
 dangerous. 
 
 Just how it happened has never been satisfactorily 
 settled: whether Smith actually intended to slide or 
 whether he lost his grip and started unwillingly. 
 However it may be, Egghead and the Goat, astride 
 the second ridge, were suddenly horrified to see 
 Smith s naked body shoot down the slope, strike the 
 moist incline at the bottom, and, bounding down 
 that, with increased velocity disappear over the roof. 
 They heard one thud and then another in the gravel 
 path, three stories below. 
 
 The two clung to each other with a dreadful sink 
 ing feeling. 
 
 " He s dead," said the Goat, solemnly. " Poor 
 old Smith is dead." 
 
 " Squashed like a bug," said the Egghead. " We 
 won t even recognise his remains." 
 
 " Egghead, it s all our fault all our fault." 
 
 " Shut up, Goat, and don t blubber." 
 
 " I m not." 
 
 " You are for Heaven s sake, brace up ! We ve 
 got to get down to him ! " 
 
 They started fearfully over the treacherous re-
 
 178 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 turn, reaching Smith s room thoroughly unnerved. 
 Then they began to run down the stairs, calling 
 out: 
 
 "Smithy s dead!" 
 
 "Smithy s fallen off the roof!" 
 
 On their trail came a motley assortment of excited 
 boys, rushing out of every room. Without a single 
 hope they tore around to the back of the Upper, 
 and, there, sitting bolt upright in the position in 
 which he had fallen, they found Georg e Barker 
 Smith. They stopped astounded. 
 
 " Smith, is that you ! " Egghead said, in a hoarse, 
 incredulous whisper, and the answer returned faintly : 
 
 " It s me, Egghead." 
 
 " Are you dying? " 
 
 " I don t know." 
 
 " Are your bones all broken? " 
 
 " I don t know I m full of gravel! " 
 
 The boys gazed astounded up at the dark outline 
 three stories above them. Half-way, the slanting 
 roof of the porch had broken the fall and saved him 
 from certain death. They gazed in silence, and then 
 the chprus arose: 
 
 "Holy cats!" 
 
 " Great snakes ! "
 
 THE HERO OF AN HOUR 181 
 
 " Marvellous ! " 
 
 " Can you beat that ! " 
 
 "Mamma!" 
 
 " Simply marvellous ! " 
 
 Smith, still in a comatose condition, caught the 
 sounds of astonishment, and suddenly comprehended, 
 first, that he had done something without parallel 
 in school history, and, second, that he was alive. 
 
 " You fellows, get me upstairs," he said, gruffly, 
 " and send for Doctor Charlie. I want to get this 
 gravel out of me." 
 
 Macnooder and Turkey reverently carried him to 
 his room, while Shy Thomas, who was clothed in a 
 dressing-gown, went streaming across the campus 
 for the doctor. 
 
 A quick examination revealed the amazing fact 
 that not a bone had been fractured. 
 
 "You ve got a few bruises, and that s all, by 
 George ! " said the doctor, looking at him in open- 
 eyed wonder. 
 
 " It s the gravel that bothers me," said Smith, 
 twisting on his side. 
 
 " You did sit down rather hard," remarked the 
 doctor, with a twitch of his lips. In half an hour 
 he had removed thirty-seven pieces of gravel, large
 
 182 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 and small, and departed, after ordering rest and a 
 few days sojourn in bed. 
 
 Hardly had the doctor departed when Hickey ar 
 rived, full of importance and enthusiasm. For a mo 
 ment he stood at the foot of the bed surveying the 
 bruised hero with the affectionate and fatherly joy 
 of a Barnum suddenly discovering a new freak. 
 
 " My boy," he said, happily, " you re a wonder. 
 You re great. You re it. There s been nothing like 
 it ever happened. Smithy, my boy, you re a genius. 
 You re the wonder of the age ! " 
 
 " I suppose everyone s excited? " said Smith, 
 faintly realising that Fate had touched him in her 
 flight and made him famous. 
 
 " Excited? Why, they re howling with curiosity," 
 responded Hickey, who, having cautiously turned 
 the key in the door, returned and continued with 
 importance : 
 
 " Say, but I suppose you don t realise what we 
 can make of this, do you? " 
 
 "What do you mean?" said Smith. 
 
 "First, where are those thirty-seven pieces of 
 gravel? " 
 
 " I threw them away." 
 
 " My boy, my boy ! " said Hickey, sitting down
 
 THE HERO OF AN HOUR 183 
 
 and burying his head in his arms. " Pearls before 
 
 swine." 
 
 " But they re over there in the basket." 
 Hickey, with a -cry of joy, flung himself on them, 
 
 counted them and thrust them into his pocket. 
 " Smith," he said, condescendingly, " you ve got 
 
 certain qualities, I ll admit, but what you need is a 
 manager ! " 
 
 " Why, what are you thinking of? " said Smith, 
 who began to have a suspicion of Hickey s plan. 
 
 66 1 suppose you would expose your honourable 
 scars," said Hickey, disdainfully, "to any one who 
 asks to see them? " 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 " Just out of friendliness ? " 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 " Smith, you are a nincompoop ! Why, my boy, 
 there s money in it big money. Never thought of 
 that, eh? " 
 
 "How so?" 
 
 " Exhibitions paid exhibitions, my boy ! We ll 
 organise the greatest side-show ever known." 
 
 Smith blushed at the thought. 
 
 "Won t it be rather undignified? " he said doubt 
 fully.
 
 184 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 " Dignity, rats ! " said Hickey. " Talk to me of 
 dignity when you hear the gold rattling in your 
 pocket, when you lodge in a marble palace and drive 
 fast horses up Fifth Avenue. My boy, you don t 
 known what you re worth. I ll have Macnooder pa 
 per the campus to-morrow. I ll get up scareheads 
 that ll bring every mother s son of them scampering 
 here to see you." 
 
 " What do I get out of it ? " said Smith cautiously. 
 
 "Half!" 
 
 "You low-down robber!" 
 
 " Who had the idea? Would you ever have made 
 a cent if it hadn t been for me? Do you suppose 
 any attraction ever makes as much as his manager? 
 My boy, I m generous ! I oughtn t to do it ! Come 
 now is it a go ? " 
 
 "Well yes!" 
 
 "Wait till you see the posters," said Hickey, 
 squeezing his hand joyfully, " and mind, no private 
 exhibitions. Promise?" 
 
 " I promise." 
 
 "Under oath?" 
 
 " So help me." 
 
 "Ta, ta." 
 
 Left at last alone, George Barker Smith could
 
 THE HERO OF AN HOUR 185 
 
 hardly seize the full measure of his future. Hickey 
 was right, it was the biggest thing that had ever hap 
 pened. In one short hour everything had changed. 
 Now he was of the elect a part of history, a tale to 
 be told over whenever one old graduate would meet 
 another. Even Hungry Smeed s great pancake rec 
 ord would have to be placed second to this. Other 
 more distinguished appetites might come who would 
 achieve fifty pancakes, but no boy would ever go 
 the path he had gone. He was famous at last. At 
 Prom and Commencement he would be pointed out 
 to visitors in the company of Hickey, Flash Condit, 
 Cap Kiefer and Turkey Reiter. Only yesterday he 
 was plain George Barker Smith, to-morrow he might 
 be ... 
 
 What would the morrow bring? Who would name 
 him? Would it be Hickey, Macnooder or Turkey or 
 the Egghead, or would some unsuspected classmate 
 find the happy expression ? He hoped that it would be 
 something picturesque, but a little more dignified 
 than the Triumphant Egghead. He tried to imag 
 ine what the nickname would be. Of course, there 
 were certain obvious appellations that immediately 
 suggested themselves, such as Roofie, Jumper, or, 
 better still, Plunger Smith. There was also Tattoo
 
 186 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 and Rubber and Sliding, but somehow none of these 
 seemed to measure up to the achievement, and in this 
 delightful perplexity Smith fell asleep. 
 
 OLD IRONSIDES 
 
 THE GREATEST SIDE-SHOW OK EARTH ON EXHIBITION 
 AT BOOM 67 UPPER 
 
 MANAGEMENT Hicks & Macnooder. 
 Come one, Come all! Come and View the HUMAN ME 
 TEOR, THE YOUNG RUBBER PLANT, THE FAMOUS 
 PLUNGING ROCKET, THE WORLD - RENOWNED 
 SMITH, THE BOY GRAVEL YARD! 
 
 Come and see the honourable scars! No private exhibition. 
 This afternoon only! Old Ironsides is under contract not to 
 bathe in the canal this fall. This is your one and only oppor 
 tunity to see the results of Old Ironsides encounter with the 
 gravel path! 
 
 Come and see the 37 original guaranteed and authentic bits 
 of gravel which dented but could not penetrate! 
 
 ADMISSION, 5 CENTS FRESHMEN, 10 CENTS 
 
 $500 REWARD $500 
 
 To any one who will duplicate this mad, death-defying feat 
 MR. MACNOODER, on behalf of Old Ironsides, will offer 
 the above reward. Doctor s or Undertaker s bills to be shared 
 in case of failure. 
 
 ROOM 67 ROOM 67 
 
 Exhibition begins at 2 o clock. 
 
 The above posters, prominently displayed, pro 
 duced a furore. By two o clock fully one hundred
 
 THE HERO OF AN HOUR 187 
 
 boys were in line before room 67. At two o clock 
 Hickey addressed the crowd. 
 
 " Gentlemen, unfortunately a slight delay has be 
 come necessary only a slight delay. Mr. Ironsides 
 Smith s sense of natural delicacy is at present strug 
 gling with Mr. Ironsides Smith s desire not to dis 
 appoint his many friends and admirers. Just a 
 slight delay, gentlemen just a slight delay." 
 
 A cry of protest went up and Hickey disappeared. 
 At the end of five minutes he returned radiant, an 
 nouncing: 
 
 " Gentlemen, I am very glad to announce to you 
 that Old Ironsides will not disappoint his many ad 
 mirers. Only we wish it to be understood that this 
 is a strictly scientific exhibition with an educational 
 purpose in view. No levity will be tolerated. The 
 exhibition is about to begin. Have your nickels in 
 hand, gentlemen; ten cents for freshmen, with the 
 privilege of shaking hands with Old Ironsides him 
 self ! Absolutely unique, absolutely unique ! " 
 
 When the last spectator had filed out, Hickey, Mac- 
 nooder and Smith divided fifteen dollars and twenty 
 cents as pure profit, of which sum the gravel-stones 
 had brought no less than a third. 
 
 When on the fourth day Smith was able painfully
 
 188 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 to descend the stairs and circulate in the world again 
 he felt the full delight of his newly-acquired fame. 
 At the jigger-shop, Al graciously waved aside his 
 tendered money, saying: 
 
 " I guess it s up to me, Ironsides, to stand treat. 
 Such things don t happen every day. Go ahead do 
 your worst." 
 
 Bill Appleby and " Mista " Laloo, the rival livery 
 men, Bill Orum, the cobbler, Barnum of the village 
 store, even Doc Cubberly, the bell-ringer, with his 
 little dog, stopped to watch him pass. When he 
 crossed the campus youngsters gambolled up to his 
 side with solicitous inquiries and the inevitable: 
 
 " Say, weren t you awfully scared? " 
 
 Even in the classroom the Roman, after flunking 
 him, would say: 
 
 " That will do now, Smith. You may sit down 
 gently." 
 
 So he was now " Old Ironsides." He liked the name 
 and was proud of it. It had a certain grim, uncom 
 promising sternness about it that lent it dignity. It 
 sounded well and it had patriotic associations. 
 
 For a whole week he knew the intoxication of pop 
 ularity, of being the celebrity of the hour, of the 
 thrill that runs up and down the back when a dozen
 
 THE HERO OF AN HOUR 189 
 
 glances are following, and the music of a mur 
 mured name, admiringly pronounced. Then abruptly 
 another hero was exalted and he fell. 
 
 One evening after supper, while the fourth form 
 lounged on the esplanade of the Upper, Turkey 
 Reiter and Slugger Jones amused themselves with 
 teasing Goat Phillips, who, being privileged by his 
 diminutive size, responded by butting his tormentors 
 in vigorous fashion. 
 
 " My, what an awful rambunctious, great big 
 Goat," said Reiter, defending himself. " Do goats 
 eat neckties ? " 
 
 " I ll eat yours," responded the youngster reck 
 lessly. 
 
 " Ten double jiggers to one you can t do it," said 
 Slugger Jones, lazily. 
 
 " Give me the tie," responded Phillips. 
 
 More to continue the joke than for any other 
 reason, Turkey detached the green and yellow cross 
 tie, which was his joy, and tendered it. What was 
 his amazement to see Goat Phillips calmly set to work 
 to devour it, and to devour it to the very last shred 
 in the most classic goat-fashion. 
 
 When he had swallowed the last mouthful he stood 
 stock-still and gazed at his shrieking audience. Then
 
 190 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 he began to have doubts ; then he began to have pre 
 monitions. Then he ended by having settled on 
 rather the most unsettling convictions. The con 
 sideration of the act came after the accomplishment, 
 but it came with terrifying force. What would hap 
 pen now? 
 
 " Turkey," he said, grown very solemn, " you 
 don t think I m going to be poisoned, do you ? " 
 
 Turkey became serious at once. Everyone became 
 serious. 
 
 " What do you fellows think? " said Turkey, ad 
 dressing the crowd. 
 
 No one had any opinions to volunteer. There were 
 no precedents to go by. 
 
 " He might get ptomaine poisoning," finally sug 
 gested Shy Thomas. 
 
 "What s that?" said Goat, horrified. Shy was 
 forced to confess that he did not know. Hungry 
 Smeed thought it was when you cut your toe on an 
 oyster shell. 
 
 " See here, Goat," said Turkey, decisively, " we 
 can t fool with this any more. You come with me." 
 
 The now thoroughly demoralised and penitent 
 Goat went meekly between Turkey and Slugger to 
 ward Foundation House. But on the way, encoun-
 
 THE HERO OF AN HOUR 191 
 
 tering the Roman, they decided to consult him in 
 stead. 
 
 " Please, sir," said Phillips, with difficult calm, 
 " I d like to ask you something." 
 
 The master stopped and, prepared for any even 
 tuality, said: 
 
 " Well, Phillips, nothing serious, I hope ? " 
 
 " Please, sir, I m afraid it is," said Phillips, all in 
 a breath. " I ve just eaten a necktie, sir." 
 
 "A what?" 
 
 " A necktie, sir, and I want to know if you think 
 I m in any danger, sir." 
 
 The Roman stood stock-still for a long moment, 
 with dropped jaw; then, recovering himself, he said: 
 
 "A necktie, Phillips?" 
 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 " A whole necktie? " 
 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 " Well, Phillips, if you can eat a necktie I guess 
 you can digest it ! " 
 
 
 
 The next morning, when Ironsides Smith unsus 
 pectingly strolled out into the campus, no soul did 
 him honour, not a glance turned as he turned, not 
 a first form youngster, primed with curiosity and
 
 198 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 admiration, came rushing to his side. Instead, a 
 knot of boys at the far end of the esplanade were 
 clustered in excited contemplation about Goat Phil 
 lips, the boy who had heroically eaten a necktie 
 rather than suffer a dare. 
 
 Then Ironsides understood he was the hero of 
 yesterday. A new celebrity had risen for the de 
 lectation of the fickle populace. The King was dead 
 long live the King ! 
 
 He went to the classroom disillusionised and sat 
 through the hour stolidly tasting the bitterness of 
 Napoleonic isolation. So this was the favour of 
 crowds. In a night to be dethroned and forgotten ! 
 
 As he descended Memorial steps, Goat Phillips 
 passed, radiant, saluted by, capricornian acclama 
 tions. 
 
 Smith regarded him darkly. 
 
 "As though any one couldn t eat a necktie," he 
 said in righteous disgust. 
 
 Unacclaimed he went through the crowd toward 
 the Upper he who had risked life and limb to amuse 
 them for a week ! 
 
 From a tower window in the Upper the Triumph 
 ant Egghead, lolling on the cushioned window-seat, 
 called down lazily:
 
 THE HERO OF AN HOUR 193 
 
 " Oh, you Ironsides ! " 
 
 That was the answer. Let popularity run after a 
 dozen unworthy lights. Other boys would come who 
 would eat neckties, no one ever would go the way 
 he had gone. He had nothing to do with transitory 
 emotions. He must be superior to the voice of the 
 hour. He, Ironsides, belonged to history. That, 
 nothing could take from him!
 
 THE PROTEST AGAINST SINKERS 
 
 THE feeling of revolt sprang up at chapel during 
 the head master s weekly talk. Ordinarily the school 
 awaited these moments with expectation, received 
 them with tolerance and drew from them all the 
 humour that could be extracted. 
 
 These little heart-to-heart talks brought joy to 
 many an overweighted brain and obliterated momen 
 tarily the slow, dragging months of slush and hail. 
 
 194
 
 THE PROTEST AGAINST SINKERS 195 
 
 They also added, from time to time, picturesque ex 
 pressions to the school vocabulary and for that 
 much was forgiven them. No one who heard it will 
 ever forget the slashing that descended from the 
 rostrum on the demon tobacco, in its embodied vice, 
 the cigarette, nor the chill that ran over each of the 
 four hundred cigarette smokers as the head master, 
 with his boring glance straight on him, concluded: 
 
 " Yes, I know what you boys will say ; I know 
 what your plea will be when you are caught. You 
 will come to me and you ll say with tears in your 
 eyes, with tears : 
 
 " Doctor, think of my mother my poor mother 
 it will kill my mother ! 
 
 "I tell you, now is the time to think of your 
 mother; now is the time to spare her grey hairs. 
 Every cigarette you boys smoke is a nail in the 
 coffin of your mother" 
 
 It was terrific. The school was unanimous in its 
 verdict that the old man had outdone himself. Boys, 
 whom a whiff of tobacco rendered instantly ill, 
 smoked up the ventilators that night with shivers of 
 delight, and from that day to this a cigarette has 
 never been called anything but a coffin-nail. 
 
 Only the week before, in announcing the suspen-
 
 196 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 sion of Corkscrew Higgins (since with the minis 
 try), for, among other offences, mistaking the initials 
 on the hat of Bucky Oliver as his own, the head 
 master in his determination to abolish forever such 
 deadly practices, had given forth the following: 
 
 " Young gentlemen, it is my painful duty, my very 
 painful duty, to announce to you the suspension of 
 the boy Higgins. The boy Higgins was a sloth, 
 the boy Higgins was the prince of sloths ! The boy 
 Higgins was a gambler, the boy Higgins was the 
 prince of gamblers ! The boy Higgins was a liar, 
 the boy Higgins was the prince of liars ! The boy 
 Higgins was a thief, the boy Higgins was the prince 
 of thieves ! Therefore, the boy Higgins will no 
 longer be a member of this community ! " 
 
 The school pardoned the exaggeration in its ad 
 miration for the rhetoric, which was rated up to the 
 oration against Catiline. But on the first Monday 
 of that lean month of February the school rose in 
 revolt. In a tirade against the alarming decline in 
 the percentage of scholastic marks the head master, 
 flinging all caution to the winds, had terminated with 
 these incendiary words: 
 
 " I know what the trouble is, and I ll tell you. 
 The trouble with you boys is INORDINATE and IM-
 
 THE PROTEST AGAINST SINKERS 197 
 
 MODERATE EATING. The trouble with you boys is 
 You Eat Too Much!" 
 
 Such a groan as went up! To -comprehend the 
 monstrosity of the accusation it is not sufficient to 
 have been a boy ; one must have retained the memory 
 of the sharp pains and gnawing appetites of those 
 growing days ! Four hundred-odd famished forms, 
 just from breakfast, suddenly galvanised by that 
 unmerited blow, roared forth a unanimous indignant : 
 
 " What! " 
 
 " Eat too much ! " they could hardly believe their 
 ears. Had the head master of the school, with years 
 of personal experience, actually, in his sober mind, 
 proclaimed that they ate too much ! The words had 
 been said; the accusation had to stand. And such 
 a time to proclaim it in the month of sliced bananas 
 and canned vegetables ! The protest that rumbled 
 and growled in the under-form houses exploded in 
 the Dickinson. 
 
 It so happened that for days there had been a 
 dull grumbling about the monotony of the daily 
 meals and the regularity and frequency of the ap 
 pearance of certain abhorrent dishes, known as 
 " scrag-birds and sinkers." * Scrag-bird " was a 
 generic term, allowing a wide latitude for conjecture,
 
 198 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 but " sinker " was an opprobrious epithet dedicated 
 to a particularly hard, doughy substance that un 
 der more favourable auspices sometimes, without fear 
 of contradiction, achieves the name of " dumpling." 
 
 The " sinker " was, undoubtedly, the deadliest en 
 emy of the growing boy the most persistent, the 
 most malignant. It knew no laws and it defied all 
 restraint. It languished in the spring, but thrived 
 and multiplied amazingly in the canned, winter term. 
 It was as likely to bob up in a swimming dish of 
 boiled chicken as it was certain to accompany a 
 mutton stew. It associated at times with veal and 
 attached itself to corned beef; it concealed itself in 
 a beefsteak pie and clung to a leg of lamb. What 
 the red rag is to the bull, the pudgy white of the 
 " sinker " was to the boys, who, in a sort of desperate 
 hope of exterminating the species, never allowed one 
 to return intact to the kitchen. Twice a week was 
 the allotted appearance of the " sinker " ; at a third 
 visit grumbling would break out; at a fourth arose 
 threats of leaving for Andover or Exeter, of writing 
 home, of boycotting the luncheon. 
 
 Now, it so happened that during the preceding 
 week the " sinker " had inflicted itself not four, but 
 actually six, times on that community of aching
 
 THE PROTEST AGAINST SINKERS 199 
 
 voids. The brutal accusation of the head master 
 was the spark to the powder. The revolt assumed 
 head and form during the day, and a call for a 
 meeting of protest was unanimously made for that 
 very night. 
 
 The boys met with the spirit of the Boston Tea 
 Party, resolved to defend their liberties and assert 
 their independence. The inevitable Doc Macnooder 
 was to address the meeting. He spoke naturally, 
 fluently, with great sounding phrases, on any oc 
 casion, on any topic, for his own pure delight, and 
 he always continued to speak until violently sup 
 pressed. 
 
 " Fellows," he began, without apologies to history 
 " we are met to decide once and for all whether 
 we are a free governing body, to ask ourselves what 
 is all this worth? For weeks we have endured, su 
 pinely on our backs, the tyranny of Mrs. Van As- 
 terbilt, the matron of this House. We have, I say, 
 supinely permitted each insult to pass unchallenged. 
 But the hour has struck, the worm has turned, the 
 moment has come and, without the slightest hesi 
 tation, I ask you ... I ask you . . . what 
 do I ask you ? " he paused, and appealed for 
 enlightenment.
 
 200 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 The meeting found him guilty of levity and threat 
 ened him with the ban of silence. 
 
 Macnooder looked grieved and continued : " I ask 
 you to strike as your fathers struck. I ask you to 
 string the bow, to whet the knife, to sharpen the 
 tomahawk, to loose the dogs of war " 
 
 Amid a storm of whoops and catcalls, Macnooder 
 was pulled back into his seat. He rose and ex 
 plained that his peroration was completed and de 
 manded the inalienable right to express his opin 
 ions. 
 
 The demand was rejected by a vote of eighty-two 
 to one (Macnooder voting). 
 
 Butcher Stevens rose with difficulty and, clutch 
 ing the shoulder of Red Dog in front of him, ad 
 dressed the gathering as follows: 
 
 " Fellows, I am no silver-tongued orator and all I 
 want to say is just a few words. I think we want 
 to treat this thing seriously." (Cries of "Hear! 
 hear ! " " Right.") " I think, fellows, this is a very 
 serious matter, and I think we ought to take some ac 
 tion. This food matter is getting pretty bad. I 
 don t think, fellows, that we ought to stand for 
 sinkers the way they re coming at us, without some 
 action. I don t know just what action we ought
 
 THE PROTEST AGAINST SINKERS 201 
 
 to take, but I think we ought really to take some 
 action." 
 
 The Butcher subsided into his seat amid immense 
 applause. Lovely Mead arose and jangling the keys 
 in his trousers pocket, addressed the ceiling in rapid, 
 jerky periods: 
 
 " Fellows, I think we ought to begin by taking a 
 vote a vote. I think I think the sentiment of this 
 meeting is about made up made up. I think my 
 predecessor has very clearly expressed the the 
 has voiced the sentiments of this meeting very 
 clearly. I think a vote would clear the air, therefore 
 I move we take a vote." 
 
 He sighed -contentedly and returned into the 
 throng. Doc Macnooder sarcastically demanded 
 what they were to vote upon. Lovely Mead, in great 
 confusion, rose and stammered: 
 
 " I meant to say, Mr. Chairman, that I move we 
 take a vote, take a vote to to take some action." 
 
 " Action about what? " said the merciless Mac 
 nooder. 
 
 Lovely Mead remained speechless. Hungry Smeed 
 interposed glibly: 
 
 " Mister Chairman, I move that it is the sense of 
 this meeting that we should take some action look-
 
 208 THE PRODIGIOUS H1CKEY, 
 
 ing toward the remedying of the present condition 
 of our daily meals." 
 
 The motion was passed and the chairman an 
 nounced that he was ready to hear suggestions as 
 to the nature of the act, as contemplated. A painful 
 silence succeeded. 
 
 Macnooder rose and asked permission to offer a 
 suggestion. The demand was repulsed. Wash Sim 
 mons moved that at the next appearance of the ab 
 horrent " sinkers," they should rise and leave the 
 room en masse. It was decided that the plan entailed 
 too many sacrifices, and it was rejected. 
 
 Crazy Opdyke from the Woodhull developed the 
 following scheme, full of novelty and imagination: 
 
 " I say, fellows, I ve got an idea, you know. What 
 we want is an object lesson, you know, something 
 striking. Now, fellows, this is what I propose: 
 We re eighty-five of us in these dining-rooms; now, 
 at two * sinkers each, that makes one hundred and 
 seventy sinkers every time ; at six times that makes 
 one thousand sinkers a week. What we want to do 
 is to carry off the l sinkers from table, save them up, 
 and at the end of the week make a circle of them 
 around the campus as an object lesson!" 
 
 Macnooder, again, was refused permission to speak
 
 in support of this measure, which had an instant ap 
 peal to the imagination of the audience. In the end, 
 however, the judgment of the more serious prevailed, 
 and the motion was lost by a close vote. After more 
 discussion the meeting finally decided to appoint an 
 embassy of three, who should instantly proceed to 
 the head master s, and firmly lay before him the 
 Woodhull s and the Dickinson s demand for uncon 
 ditional and immediate suppression of that indiges 
 tible and totally ornamental article known as " the 
 sinker." Hickey, Wash Simmons and Crazy Op- 
 dyke, by virtue of their expressed defiance, were 
 chosen to carry the ultimatum. Some one proposed 
 that Macnooder should go as a fourth, and the mo 
 tion passed without opposition. Macnooder rose and 
 declined the honour, but asked leave to state his rea 
 sons. Whereupon the meeting adjourned. 
 
 The Messrs. Crazy Opdyke, Hickey, and Wash 
 Simmons held a conference and decided to shave and 
 assume creased trousers in order to render the aspect 
 of their mission properly impressive. After a short 
 delay they united on the steps, where they received 
 the exhortations of their comrades to speak out 
 boldly, to mince no words, and to insist on their 
 demands.
 
 204 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 The distance to Foundation House, where the 
 head master resided, was short thirty seconds in 
 the darkness; and almost before they knew it the 
 three were at the door. There, under the muffled 
 lamp, they stopped, with spontaneous accord, and 
 looked at one another. 
 
 " I say," said Hickey, " hadn t we better agree 
 on what we ll say to the old man? We want 
 to be firm, you know." 
 
 " That s a good idea," Opdyke assented, and Wash 
 added, " We ll take a turn down the road." 
 
 " Now, what s your idea ? " said Simmons to 
 Hickey, when they had put a safe distance between 
 them and the residence of the Doctor. 
 
 "We d better keep away from discussion," re 
 plied Hickey. " The Doctor ll beat us out there, 
 and I don t think we d better be too radical either, 
 because we want to be firm." 
 
 "What do you -call radical?" said Opdyke, with 
 a little defiance. 
 
 " Well, now, we don t want to be too aggressive ; 
 we don t want to go in with a chip on our shoulder." 
 
 " Hickey, you re beginning to hedge ! " 
 
 Hickey indignantly denied the accusation, and a
 
 THE PROTEST AGAINST SINKERS 205 
 
 little quarrel arose between them, terminated by 
 Wash, who broke in: 
 
 " Shut up, Crazy Hickey is dead right. We 
 want to go in friendly-like, just as though we knew 
 the Doctor would side with us at once sort of take 
 him into our confidence." 
 
 " That s it," said Hickey ; " we want to be good- 
 natured at first, lay the matter before him calmly, 
 then afterward we can be firm. 
 
 " Rats ! " said Crazy ; " are we going to tell him, 
 or not, that we represent the Dickinson and the 
 Woodhull and that they have voted the extinction of 
 * sinkers ? " 
 
 " Sure we are ! " exclaimed Wash. " You don t 
 think we are afraid, do you ? " 
 
 "Well, then, let s tell him," said Crazy. "Come 
 on, if you re going to." 
 
 They returned resolutely and again entered the 
 dominion of the dreary lamp. 
 
 " Say, fellows," Wash suddenly interjected, " are 
 we going to say anything about * scrag-birds ? " 
 
 " Sure," said Crazy. 
 
 " The deuce we are ! " said Hickey. 
 
 " Why not ? " said Crazy, militantly.
 
 206 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " Because we don t want to make fools of our 
 selves." 
 
 The three withdrew again and threshed out the 
 point. It was decided to concentrate on the " sinker." 
 Crazy gave in because he said he was cold. 
 
 " Well, now, it s all settled," said Hickey. " We 
 make a direct demand for knocking out the * sinker, 
 and we stand firm on that. Nothing else. Come on." 
 
 Come on." 
 
 A third time they came to the terrible door. 
 
 * I say," said Wash, suddenly, " we forgot. Who s 
 to do the talking? " 
 
 " Crazy, of course," said Hickey, looking hard at 
 Simmons, " since that clapper episode, I m not drop 
 ping in for the dessert ! " 
 
 " Sure, Crazy, you re just the one," Simmons 
 agreed. 
 
 " Hold up 9 " said Crazy, whose fury suddenly 
 cooled. " Let s talk that over." 
 
 Again they retired for deliberation. 
 
 " Now, see here, fellows," said Crazy, " let s be 
 reasonable. We want this thing to go through, 
 don t we? " 
 
 " Who s hedging now? " said Hickey, with a laugh. 
 
 " No one," retorted Crazy. " I ll talk up if you
 
 THE PROTEST AGAINST SINKERS 207 
 
 say. I m not afraid, only I don t stand one, two, 
 three with the Doctor and you know it. I ve flunked 
 every recitation in Bible this month. What we want 
 is the strongest pull and Wash is the one. Why, 
 the old man would feed out of Wash s hand." 
 
 Wash indignantly repelled the insinuation. Fi 
 nally it was agreed that Crazy should state the facts, 
 that Hickey should say, " Doctor, we feel strongly, 
 very strongly, about this," and that Wash should 
 then make the direct demand for the suspension for 
 one month of the " sinker," and its future regulation 
 to two appearances a week. 
 
 " And now, no more backing and filling," said 
 Hickey. 
 
 " I ll lay the facts before him, all right," added 
 Crazy, clenching his fists. 
 
 " We ll stick together, and we stand firm," said 
 Wash. "Now for it!" 
 
 They had reached a point about thirty feet from 
 the threshold, when suddenly the door was flung vio 
 lently open and a luckless boy bolted out, under the 
 lamp, so that the three could distinguish the ve 
 hement gestures. The Doctor appeared in a passion 
 of rage, calling after the retreating offender: 
 
 " Don t you dare, young man, to come to me again
 
 208 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 with such a complaint. You get your work up to 
 where it ought to be, or down you go, and there 
 isn t a power in this country that can prevent it." 
 
 The door slammed violently and silence returned. 
 
 " He s not in a very receptive mood," said Wash, 
 after a long pause. 
 
 " Not precisely," said Hickey, thoughtfully. 
 
 " I m catching cold," said Crazy. 
 
 " Suppose we put it over? " continued Wash, 
 "What do you say, Hickey?" 
 
 " I shall not oppose the will of the majority." 
 
 "And you, Crazy?" 
 
 " I think so, too." 
 
 They returned to the Dickinson, where they were 
 surrounded and assailed with questions: How had 
 the Doctor taken it? What had he said? 
 
 " We took no talk from him," said Crazy, with a 
 determined shake of his head, and then Wash added 
 brusquely, " Just keep your eyes on the * sinkers. " 
 
 " You took long enough," put in the suspicious 
 Macnooder. 
 
 " We were firm," replied Hickey, bristling at the 
 recollection " very firm ! "
 
 BEAUTY S SISTER 
 
 His hair it is a faded white, 
 
 His eye a watery blue; 
 He has no buttons on his coat, 
 
 No shoe-strings in his shoe. 
 
 " BEAUTY " SAWTELLE, or Chesterton V. Sawtelle, 
 as it was pronounced when each Monday the master 
 of the form read the bi-weekly absences from bath, 
 sat adjusting his skate on the edge of the pond, with 
 a look of ponderous responsibility on the freckled 
 face, crowned by a sheaf of tow hair, like the wisp 
 
 209
 
 210 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 of a Japanese doll. Presently he drew from his 
 pocket a dance-card, glanced over it for the twen 
 tieth time, and replaced it with a sigh. 
 
 " Cracky ! " he said, in despair. " Sixteen regu 
 lars and eight extras ; sixteen and eight, twenty- 
 four. Gee!" 
 
 Beauty s heart was heavy, and his hope faint, for 
 the sinister finger of the Prom had cast its shadow 
 over the lighthearted democracy of boyhood. Into 
 this free republic, where no thoughts of the outside 
 society should penetrate, the demoralising swish of 
 coming petticoats had suddenly intruded its ominous 
 significance of a world without, where such tyrannies 
 as money and birth stand ready to divide the unsus 
 pecting hosts. 
 
 Now Beauty s woes were manifold: he was only a 
 second former, and the Prom was the property of 
 the lords of the school, the majestic fourth formers, 
 who lived in the Upper House, and governed them 
 selves according to the catalogue and a benevolent 
 tempering of the exact theory of independence. 
 
 A few rash under-formers with pretty sisters were 
 admitted on sufferance, and robbed of their part 
 ners if the chance arose. Beauty, scrubby boy of 
 fourteen, with a like aversion to girls and stiff col-
 
 BEAUTY S SISTER 211 
 
 lars in his ugly little body, had been horrified to 
 learn that his sister, at the invitation of Rogers, 
 the housemaster, was coming to the Prom. On his 
 shoulders devolved the herculean task of filling a 
 card from the upper class, only a handful of whom 
 he knew, at a moment when the cards had been cir 
 culated for weeks. So he stood dejectedly, calcu 
 lating how to fill the twenty-four spaces that were 
 so blank and interminable. Twenty-four dances to 
 fill, and the Prom only two weeks off! 
 
 In the middle of the pond boys were darting and 
 swaying in a furious game of hockey. Beauty lin 
 gered, biding his opportunity, searching the crowd 
 for a familiar face, until presently Wash Simmons, 
 emerging from the melee, darted to his side, grind 
 ing his skates and coming to a halt for breath, with 
 a swift : " Hello, Venus ! How s the Dickinson these 
 days?" 
 
 Beauty, murmuring an inaudible reply, stood 
 turning and twisting, desperately seeking to frame a 
 demand. 
 
 " What s the secret sorrow, Beauty ? " continued 
 Wash, with a glance of surprise. 
 
 " I say, Wash," said Beauty, plunging " I say, 
 have you got any dances left ? "
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 "I? Oh, Lord, no ! " said the pitcher of the school 
 nine, with a quick glance. " Gone long ago." 
 
 He drew the strap tight, dug his hands into his 
 gloves again, and with a nod flashed back into the 
 crowd. Beauty, gulping down something that rose 
 in his throat, started aimlessly to skirt the edge of 
 the pond. He had understood the look that Wash 
 had given him in that swift moment. 
 
 In this abstracted mood, he suddenly came against 
 something angular and small that accompanied him 
 to the ice with a resounding whack. 
 
 " Clumsy beast ! " said a sharp voice. 
 
 From his embarrassed position, Beauty recognised 
 the Red Dog. 
 
 " Excuse me, Red Dog," he said hastily ; " I didn t 
 see you." 
 
 " Why, it s Beauty," said the Red Dog, rubbing 
 himself. " Blast you ! all the same." 
 
 " I say, Red Dog," said Beauty, " have you any 
 dances left? " 
 
 " All gone, Beauty," answered Red Dog, stooping 
 suddenly to recover his skate. 
 
 "Nothing left?" 
 
 "Nope filled the last extra to-day," said Red 
 Dog, with the shining face of prevarication. Then
 
 BEAUTTS SISTER 213 
 
 he added, "Why, Venus, are you going to the 
 Prom?" 
 
 " No," said Sawtelle ; " it s my sister." 
 
 " Oh, I m sorry. I d like to oblige you, but you 
 see how it is," said Red Dog, lamely. 
 
 " I see." 
 
 " Ta, ta, Beauty! So long! " 
 
 Sawtelle shut his lips, struck a valiant blow at an 
 imaginary puck, and began to whistle. 
 
 Tis a jolly life we lead 
 Care and sorrow we defy 
 
 After piping forth this inspiring chorus with 
 vigorous notes, the will gave way. He began an 
 other: 
 
 To Lawrenceville my father sent me, 
 Where for college I should prepare; 
 
 And so I settled down, 
 
 In this queer, forsaken town, 
 About five miles away from anywhere. 
 
 The bellows gave out. Overcome by the mourn- 
 fulness of the last verse, he dropped wearily on the 
 bank, continuing doggedly:
 
 214. THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 About five miles from anywhere, my boys, 
 Where old Lawrenceville evermore shall stand; 
 
 For has she not stood, 
 
 Since the time of the flood 
 
 Whether the accuracy of the last statement or the 
 forced rhyme displeased him, he broke off, heaved a 
 sigh, and said viciously : " They lied, both of em." 
 
 " Well, how s the boy ? " said a familiar voice. 
 
 Beauty came out of the vale of bitterness to per 
 ceive at his side the great form of Turkey Reiter, 
 preparing to adjust his skates. 
 
 " Oh, Turkey," said Beauty, clutching at ihe 
 straw, " I ve been looking everywhere " 
 
 " What s the matter? " 
 
 " Turkey, I m in an awful hole." 
 
 " Out with it." 
 
 " I say, Turkey," said Sawtelle, stumbling and 
 blushing " I say, you know, my sister s coming to 
 the Prom, and I thought if you d like that is, I 
 wanted to know if if you wouldn t take her dance- 
 card and get it filled for me." Then he added ab 
 jectly: "I m awfully sorry." 
 
 Turkey looked thoughtful. This was a commis 
 sion he did not relish. Beauty looked particularly 
 unattractive that afternoon, in a red tobogganing
 
 BEAUTTS SISTER 215 
 
 toque that swore at his faded white hair, and the 
 orange freckles that stared out from every point 
 of vantage. 
 
 " Why, Beauty," he began hesitatingly, " the way 
 it is, you see, my card s already filled, and I m afraid, 
 honestly, that s about the case with all the others." 
 
 " She s an awfully nice girl," said Sawtelle, look 
 ing down in a desperate endeavour to control his 
 voice. 
 
 " Nice girl," thought Turkey, " ahem ! Yes ; must 
 be a good-looker, too, something on Venus s particu 
 lar line of beauty." 
 
 He glanced at his companion, and mentally pic 
 tured a lanky girl, with sandy hair, a little upstart 
 nose, and a mass of orange freckles. But between 
 Turkey and Sawtelle relations had been peculiar. 
 There had been many moments in the last year at the 
 Dickinson when the ordinary luxuries of life would 
 have been difficult had it not been for the superior 
 financial standing of Chesterton V. Sawtelle. The 
 account had been a long one, and there was a slight 
 haziness in Turkey s mind as to the exact status of 
 the balance. Also, Turkey was genuinely grateful, 
 with that sense of gratitude which is described as a 
 lively looking forward to favours to come.
 
 216 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 " Oh, well, young un," he said with rough good 
 humour, " give us the card. I ll do what I can. But, 
 mind you, I can t take any myself. My card s full, 
 and it wouldn t do for me to cut dances." 
 
 Jumping up, he started to escape the effusive 
 thanks of the overjoyed Sawtelle, but suddenly 
 wheeled and came skating back. 
 
 " Hello, Beauty ! " he called out, " I say, what s 
 your sister s name? " 
 
 " Sally that is, Sarah," came the timid answer. 
 
 " Heavens ! " said Turkey to himself as he flashed 
 over the ice. "That settles it. Sally Sally! A 
 nice pickle I m in! Wonder if she sports spectacles 
 and old-fashioned frocks. A nice pickle I ll be the 
 laughing stock of the whole school. Guess I won t 
 have much trouble recognising Beauty s sister. 
 Whew ! That comes from having a kind heart ! " 
 
 With these and similar pleasant reflections he 
 threaded his way among the crowd of skaters until 
 at length he perceived Hickey skimming over the 
 ice, stealing the puck from a bunch of scrambling 
 players, until his progress checked, and the puck 
 vanishing into a distant melee, he came to a stop for 
 breath. Turkey, profiting by the occasion, descended 
 on his victim.
 
 BEAUTY S SISTER 217 
 
 "Whoa there, Hickey!" 
 
 "Whoa it is!" 
 
 "How s your dance-card?" 
 
 " A dazzling galaxy of beauty, a symposium of 
 grace, a feast of " 
 
 "Got anything left? I have a wonder for you 
 if you have." 
 
 " Sure ; twelfth regular and sixth extra but the 
 duchess will be awfully cut up." 
 
 " Twelfth and sixth," said Turkey, with a nod ; 
 "that s a go." 
 
 "Who s the heart-smasher?" asked Hickey, with 
 an eye on the approaching puck. 
 
 " A wonder, Hickey ; a screamer. There ll be 
 nothing to it. Ta, ta! Much obliged." 
 
 "What s her name?" 
 
 " Sawtelle some distant relative of the Beauty s, 
 I believe. I m filling out her card. Obliged for the 
 dance. Ta, ta ! " 
 
 "Hold up!" said Hickey, quickly. "Hold up! 
 Jiminy ! I almost forgot why, I do believe I went 
 and promised those two to Hasbrouck. Isn t that a 
 shame! Sorry. To think of my forgetting that! 
 Try to give you some other. Confound it! I have 
 no luck." With the most mournful look in the world
 
 218 THE PRODIGIOUS H1CKEY 
 
 he waved his hand and sped ostentatiously toward 
 the bunch of players. 
 
 " Hickey s on to me," thought Turkey as he 
 watched him disengage himself from the crowd and 
 skate off with Sawtelle ; " no hope in that quarter." 
 
 Finally, after an hour s persistent work, during 
 which he pleaded and argued, commanded and threat 
 ened, he succeeded in filling exactly six of the neces 
 sary twenty-four dances. Indeed, he would have had 
 no difficulty in completing the card if he could have 
 passed over that fatal name. But each time, just as 
 he was congratulating himself on another conquest, 
 his victim would ask, " By the way, what name shall 
 I put down ? " 
 
 " Oh er Miss Sawtelle," he would answer non 
 chalantly ; " a distant relative of the Beauty 
 though nothing like him ha ! ha ! " 
 
 Then each would suddenly remember that the 
 dances in question were already half-promised, a 
 sort of an understanding; but of course he would 
 have to look it up, but of course, if he found they 
 were free, why, then of course, he wanted, above all 
 things in the world, to dance with Miss Sawtelle. 
 
 " Well, anyhow," said Turkey to himself, recapitu-
 
 BEAUTY S SISTER 219 
 
 lating, " I ve got six, provided they don t all back 
 out. Let me see. I can make the Kid take three, 
 that s nine, and Snookers will have to take three, 
 that s twelve, and, hang it! Butcher and Egg 
 head have got to take two each that would make 
 sixteen. The other eight I can fill up with some 
 harmless freaks: some will snap at anything." 
 
 That night at the supper-table Turkey had to 
 face the music. 
 
 " You re a nice one, you are," said Hickey, 
 starting in immediately, " you arch deceiver. You 
 are a fine friend ; I have my opinion of you. * Hand 
 some girl, * a wonder, fine talker, a screamer 
 that s the sort of game you try on your friends, is 
 it? Who is she? Oh ah, yes, a distant relative of 
 the Beauty." 
 
 "What s up now?" said the Kid, editor of the 
 " Lawrence," and partner of Turkey s secrets, joys, 
 and debts. 
 
 "Hasn t he tried to deceive you yet?" continued 
 Hickey, with an accusing look at Turkey. " No? 
 That s a wonder! What do you think of a fellow 
 who tries to pass off on his friends such a girl as the 
 Beauty s sister?"
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " No ! " said Butcher Stevens. 
 
 " What ! " exclaimed Macnooder, laying down his 
 knife with a thud. 
 
 " Beauty s sister," said the Egghead, gaping with 
 astonishment. 
 
 " Well, why not? " said Turkey, defiantly. 
 
 " Listen to that ! " continued Hickey. " The bra- 
 zenness of it ! " 
 
 The four graduates of the Dickinson, after a 
 moment of stupefied examination of Hickey and 
 Reiter, suddenly burst into roars of laughter that 
 produced a craning of necks and a storm of inquiries 
 from the adjoining tables. 
 
 When the hilarity had been somewhat checked, 
 Hickey returned to the persecution of the blushing 
 Turkey. 
 
 " Bet you three to one she s a mass of freckles," 
 he said. " Bet you even she wears glasses ; bet you 
 one to three she s cross-eyed; bet you four to one 
 she won t open her mouth." 
 
 " Hang you, Hickey ! " said Turkey, flushing, 
 " I won t have her talked about so." 
 
 " Did you take any dances ? " said the Kid to 
 Hickey. 
 
 " Me ? " exclaimed the latter, in great dudgeon.
 
 BEAUTY S SISTER 
 
 " Me ! Well, I guess not ! I wouldn t touch any of 
 that tribe with a ten-foot pole." 
 
 " Look here, you fellows have got to shut up," said 
 Turkey, forced at last into a virtuous attitude by 
 the exigency of the situation. " I promised the 
 Beauty I d fill his sister s card for him, and I m 
 going to do it. The girl can t help her looks. You 
 talk like a lot of cads. What you fellows ought to 
 do is to join in and give her a treat. The girl is 
 probably from the backwoods, and this ought to be 
 made the time of her life." 
 
 " Turkey," said the malicious Hickey, " how many 
 dances have you eagerly appropriated? " 
 
 Turkey stopped point-blank, greeted by derisive 
 jeers. 
 
 "Oho!" 
 
 " That s it, is it? " 
 
 "Fake!" 
 
 "Humbug!" 
 
 " Not at all," said Turkey, indignantly. " What 
 do you think I am? " 
 
 " Pass over your list and let s see the company 
 you re going to introduce her to," said Hickey, 
 stretching out his hand for the dance-card. "Ah, 
 I must congratulate you, my boy; your selection
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 is magnificent; the young lady will be charmed." 
 He flipped the card disdainfully to the Egghead, 
 saying, " A bunch of freaks ! " 
 
 " Hang it all ! " said the Egghead, " that s too 
 hard on any girl. A fine opinion she ll have of Law- 
 renceville fellows ! We can t stand for that." 
 
 " Look here," said the Kid, suddenly. " Turkey 
 is at fault, and has got to be punished. Here s what 
 we ll do, though : let s each take a dance on condition 
 that Turkey takes her out to supper." 
 
 " Oh, I say ! " protested Turkey, who had other 
 plans. 
 
 The others acclaimed the plan gleefully, rejoicing 
 in his discomfiture, until Turkey, driven to a corner, 
 was forced to capitulate. 
 
 That evening on the esplanade he called Snookers 
 to him, and resting his hand affectionately on the 
 little fellow s shoulder, said : " Old man, do you 
 want to do me a favour? " 
 
 " Sure." 
 
 " I m filling up a girl s card for the Prom, and 
 I want you to help me out." 
 
 te Certainly ; give me a couple, if the girl s the real 
 thing." 
 
 " Much obliged. I ll put your name down."
 
 BEAUTY S SISTER 
 
 " Second and fifth. Say, who is she? " 
 
 "Oh, some relative of Sawtelle s you remember 
 you used to go with him a good deal in the Dickin 
 son. It s his sister." 
 
 " Whew ! " said Snookers, with a long-drawn 
 whistle. " Say, give me three more, will you? " 
 
 " Hardly," answered Turkey, with a laugh ; " but 
 I ll spare you another." 
 
 " I didn t think it quite fair to the girl," he ex 
 plained later, " to give her too big a dose of Snook 
 ers. Queer, though, how eager the little brute was ! " 
 
 The last week dragged interminably in multiplied 
 preparations for the great event. In the evenings 
 the war of strings resounded across the campus 
 from the "gym," where the Banjo and Mandolin 
 clubs strove desperately to perfect themselves for 
 the concert. The Dramatic Club, in sudden fear, 
 crowded the day with rehearsals, while from the win 
 dow of Room 65, Upper, the voice of Biddy Hamp 
 ton, soloist of the Glee Club, was heard chanting 
 " The Pride of the House is Papa s Baby " behind 
 doors stout enough to resist the assaults of his neigh 
 bours. 
 
 Oil-stoves and flatirons immediately came into de-
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 mand, cushions were rolled back from window-seats, 
 and trousers that were limp and discouraged, grew 
 smooth and well-creased under the pressure of the 
 hot iron. Turkey and Doc Macnooder, who from 
 their long experience in the Dickinson had become 
 expert tailors, advertised on the bulletin board : 
 
 REITER AND MACNOODER 
 BON TON TAILORS 
 
 Trousers neatly pressed, at fifteen cents per pair; all 
 payments strictly cash in advance. 
 
 Each night the dining-room of the Upper was 
 cleared, and the extraordinary spectacle was seen of 
 boys of all sizes in sweaters and jerseys, clasping each 
 other desperately around the waist, spinning and 
 bumping their way about the reeling room to the 
 chorus of: 
 
 "Get off my feet!" 
 
 " Reverse, you lubber ! " 
 
 " Now, one, two, three " 
 
 " A fine lady you are ! " 
 
 " Do you expect me to carry you around the 
 room? " 
 
 "Darn you, fatty!"
 
 Trousers that were limp and discouraged, 
 grew smooth "
 
 BEAUTY S SISTER 227 
 
 " Hold tight ! " 
 
 " Let er rip now ! " 
 
 From the end of the room the cynics and misog 
 ynists, roosting on the piled-up tables and chairs, 
 croaked forth their contempt: 
 
 " Oh, you f ussers ! " 
 
 "You lady-killers!" 
 
 " Dance, my darling, dance ! " 
 
 "Squeeze her tight, Bill!" 
 
 "That s the way!" 
 
 "Look at Skinny!" 
 
 " Keep a-hoppin , Skinny ! " 
 
 " Look at him spin ! " 
 
 " For heaven s sake, someone stop Skinny ! " 
 
 Of evenings certain of the boys would wander in 
 pairs to the edge of the woods and confide to each 
 other the secret attachments and dark, forlorn hopes 
 that were wasting them away. Turkey and the Kid, 
 who were going as stags, opened their hearts to each 
 other and spoke of the girl, the one distant girl, whose 
 image not all the fair faces that would come could 
 for a moment dim. 
 
 "Kid," said Turkey, in solemn conclusion, speak 
 ing from the experience of eighteen years, " I am 
 going to make that little girl my wife."
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " Turkey, old man, God bless you ! " answered the 
 confidant, with nice regard for old precedents. Then 
 he added, a little choked, "Turkey, I, too I " 
 
 " I understand, Kid," said Turkey, gravely clap 
 ping his shoulder ; " I ve known it all along." 
 
 "Dear old boy!" 
 
 They walked in silence. 
 
 " What s her name? " asked Turkey, slowly. 
 
 "Lucille. And hers?" 
 
 " Marie Louise." 
 
 Another silence. 
 
 "Kid, is it all right?" 
 
 The romanticist considered a moment, and then 
 shook his head. 
 
 " No, Turk." 
 
 " Dear old boy, you ll win out." 
 
 "I must. And you, Turk, does she care?" 
 
 A heavy sigh was the answer. They walked back 
 arm in arm, each fully believing in the other s sor 
 row, and almost convinced of his own. At the es 
 planade of the Upper they stopped and listened to 
 the thumping of the piano and the systematic beat 
 from the dancers. 
 
 " I wish it were all over," said Turkey, gloomily. 
 " This can mean nothing to me."
 
 BEAUTY S SISTER 229 
 
 " Nor to me," said the Kid, staring at the melan 
 choly moon. 
 
 On the fateful day the school arose, so to speak, as 
 one boy, shaved, and put on a -clean collar. Every 
 boot was blacked, every pair of trousers creased to a 
 cutting edge. The array of neckties that suddenly 
 appeared in gigantic puffs or fluttering wings was 
 like the turn of autumn in a single night. 
 
 Chapel and the first two recitations over, the es 
 planade of the Upper was crowded with fourth 
 formers, circulating critically in the dandified 
 throng, chattering excitedly of the coming event. 
 Perish the memory of the fashion there displayed! 
 It seemed magnificent then: let that be the epitaph. 
 
 The bell called, and the group slowly departed to 
 the last recitation. From each house a stream of 
 boys came pouring out and made their lagging way 
 around the campus toward Memorial. Slower and 
 slower rang the bell, and faster came the unwilling 
 slaves those in front with dignity; those behind 
 with despatch, and so on down the line to the last 
 scattered stragglers, who came racing over the lawns. 
 The last peal sounded, the last laggard tore up Me 
 morial steps, and vanished within. A moment later
 
 230 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 the gong in the hall clanged, and the next recitation 
 was on. The circle, a moment before alive with 
 figures, was quiet and deserted. A group of seven 
 or eight lounging on the esplanade were chatting 
 indolently, tossing a ball back and forth with the 
 occupant of a third-story window. 
 
 At this moment Turkey emerged from the doorway 
 in shining russets, a Gladstone collar, a tie of robin s- 
 egg-blue, and a suit of red and green plaids, such 
 as the innocent curiosity of a boy on his first allow 
 ance goes to with the thirst of possession. 
 
 " Hurrah for Turkey ! " cried the Kid. " He looks 
 like a regular fashion-plate." 
 
 In an instant he was surrounded, punched, ex 
 amined, and complimented. 
 
 " Well, fellows, it s time to give ourselves them 
 finishing touches," said the Egghead, with a glance 
 of envy. " Turkey is trying to steal a march on us. 
 The girls are coming." 
 
 "Hello!" cried the Kid, suddenly. "Who s 
 this?" 
 
 All turned. From behind Foundation House 
 came a carriage. It drove on briskly until nearly 
 opposite the group on the steps, when the driver 
 reined in, and some one within looked out dubi 
 ously.
 
 BEAUTY S SISTER 233 
 
 " Turkey, you re in luck," said the Gutter Pup. 
 " You re the only one with the rouge on. Go down 
 gracefully and see what the lady wants." 
 
 So down went Turkey to his duty. They watched 
 him approach the carriage and speak to some one 
 inside. Then he closed the door and spoke to the 
 driver, evidently pointing out his destination, for the 
 cab continued around the circle. 
 
 Then Turkey made a jump for the esplanade, and, 
 deaf to all inquiries, seized upon his roommate and 
 dragged him aside. 
 
 " Great guns ! Kid," he exclaimed, " I ve seen 
 her Beauty s sister! She isn t like Beauty at all. 
 She s a stunner, a dream! Look here! Get that 
 dance-card. Get it, if you have to lie and steal. 
 He s in recitation now. You ve got to catch him 
 when he comes out. For heaven s sake! don t let 
 anyone get ahead of you. Tell him two girls have 
 backed out, and I want five more dances. Tell him 
 I m to take her to the debate to-night, and the Dra 
 matic Club to-morrow. Kid, get that card!" 
 
 Releasing his astounded roommate, he went tear 
 ing across the campus to meet the carriage. 
 
 " What s happened to our staid and dignified presi 
 dent ? " cried the Gutter Pup in wonder. " Is he 
 crazy ? "
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " Oh, say, fellows," exclaimed the Kid, overcome 
 by the humour of the situation, "who do you think 
 that was?" 
 
 The carriage had now stopped before the Dickin 
 son, and Turkey, arrived in time, was helping out 
 a tall, slender figure in black. A light flashed over 
 the group. 
 
 " Beauty s sister." 
 
 "No!" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "Impossible!" 
 
 " Beauty s sister it is," cried the Kid ; " and the 
 joke is, she s a stunner, a dream!" 
 
 * A dream ! " piped up the inevitable Snookers. 
 " Well, I guess ! She s an all-round A-No. 1. Gee ! 
 I just got a glimpse of her at a theatre, and I tell 
 you, boys, she s a paralyser." 
 
 But his remark ended on the air, for all, with a 
 common impulse, had disappeared. Snookers, struck 
 with the same thought, hastened to his room. 
 
 Ten minutes later they reappeared. Hickey, in 
 a suit of pronounced checks, his trousers carefully 
 turned up a VAwglais, glanced approvingly at the 
 array of manly fashion. 
 
 " And now, fellows," he said, pointing to the
 
 BEAUTY S SISTER 235 
 
 Chapel, which Turkey was entering with Miss Saw- 
 telle, " that traitor shall be punished. We ll guard 
 every entrance to Memorial, capture our friend, 
 Chesterton V. Sawtelle (absent from bath), relieve 
 him of that little dance-card, and then, Romans, to 
 the victors belong the spoils ! " 
 
 The Kid having delayed over the choice between 
 a red-and-yellow necktie or one of simple purple, did 
 not appear until Hickey had stationed his forces. 
 Taking in the situation at a glance, he chuckled to 
 himself, and picking up a couple of books, started 
 for the entrance. 
 
 " Lucky it s Hungry and the Egghead," he said 
 to himself as he passed them and entered the Lower 
 Hall. " Hickey would have guessed the game." 
 
 He called Sawtelle from the second form, and, 
 slipping his arm through his, drew him down the cor 
 ridor. 
 
 " Sawtelle," he said, " I want your sister s dance- 
 card. There s some mistake, and Turkey wants to 
 fix it up. Thanks ; that s all. Oh, no, it isn t, either. 
 Turkey said he d be over after supper to take your 
 sister to the debate, and that he had seats for the 
 Dramatic Club to-morrow. Don t forget all that. 
 So long! See you later."
 
 236 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 In high feather at the success of this stratagem, 
 he skipped downstairs, and avoiding Hickey, went 
 to meet Turkey in the Chapel, where he was duly 
 presented. 
 
 f When Sawtelle emerged at length from the study- 
 room, he was amazed at the spontaneity of his re 
 ception. He was no longer " Beauty " or " Apollo " 
 or " Venus." 
 
 " Sawtelle, old man," they said to him, " I want 
 to see you a moment." 
 
 " Chesterton, where have you been ? " 
 
 " Old man, have you got anything to do ? " 
 
 Each strove to draw him away from the others, 
 and failing in this, accompanied him to the jigger- 
 shop, where he was plied with substantial flattery, 
 until having disposed of jiggers, soda, and eclairs, 
 he cast one lingering glance at the tempting coun 
 ters, and said with a twinkle in his ugly little eyes : 
 
 "And now, fellows, I guess my sister must be 
 over at the house. Come around this afternoon, why 
 don t you, and meet her? " an invitation which was 
 received with enthusiasm and much evident sur 
 prise. 
 
 When the Prom opened that evening, Beauty s sis 
 ter made her entree flanked by the smitten Turkey
 
 BEAUTY S SISTER 237 
 
 and the languishing Hasbrouck, while the stricken 
 Kid brought up the rear, consoled by the responsi 
 bility of her fan. Five stags who had been linger 
 ing miserably in the shadow searching for something 
 daring and imaginative to lay at her feet, crowded 
 forward only to be stricken dumb at the splendour 
 of her toilette. 
 
 Beauty s sister, fresh from a Continental season, 
 was quite overwhelmed by the subtle adoration of the 
 famous Wash Simmons and of Egghead, that pattern 
 of elegance and savoir-faire overwhelmed, but not 
 at all confused. Gradually under her deft manipu 
 lation the power of speech returned to the stricken. 
 Then the rout began. The young ladies from city 
 and country finishing schools, still struggling with 
 their teens, were quite eclipsed by the gorgeous Pa 
 risian toilette and the science of movement displayed 
 by the sister of Chesterton V. Sawtelle. The ordi 
 nary ethics of fair play were thrown to the winds. 
 Before the eyes of every one, Turkey held up the 
 worthless dance-card, and tore it into shreds. Only 
 the brave should deserve the fair. Little Smeed, 
 Poler Fox, and Snorky Green struggled in vain for 
 recognition, and retired crestfallen and defrauded, 
 to watch the scramble for each succeeding dance,
 
 238 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 which had to be portioned among three and often 
 four clamourers. 
 
 In fact, it became epidemic. They fell in love by 
 blocks of five, even as they had sought the privileges 
 of the measles. Each implored a memento to fix 
 imperishably on his wall. The roses she wore con 
 soled a dozen. The Gutter Pup obtained her fan ; 
 the Kid her handkerchief, a wonderful scented trans 
 parency. Glendenning and Hasbrouck brazenly di 
 vided the gloves, while Turkey, trembling at his own 
 blurting audacity, was blown to the stars by permis 
 sion to express in a letter certain delicate thoughts 
 which stifle in the vulgar scramble of the ballroom. 
 
 When the last dance had been fought for, divided, 
 and redivided, and the lights peremptorily suppressed, 
 the stags en masse accompanied Beauty s sister to the 
 Dickinson, where each separately pressed her hand 
 and strove to give to his " Good-night " an accent 
 which would be understood by her alone. 
 
 On that next morning that somehow always arises, 
 Turkey and the Kid, envied by all, drove her to the 
 station, listening mutely to her gay chatter, each 
 plunged in melancholy, secretly wondering how she 
 managed to conceal her feelings so well. 
 
 They escorted her to the car, and loaded her with
 
 BEAUTY S SISTER 239 
 
 magazines and candies and flowers, and each suc 
 ceeded in whispering in her ear a rapid, daring sen 
 tence, which she received from each with just the 
 proper encouragement. Then, imaginary Lucilles 
 and Marie Louises forgot, they drove back, heavy 
 of heart, and uncomprehending, viewing the land 
 scape without joy or hope, suffering stoically as men 
 of eighteen should. Not a word was spoken until 
 from the last hill they caught the first glimmer of 
 the school. Then Turkey hoarsely, flicking the air 
 with the lash of the whip, said: 
 
 "Kid " 
 
 "What?" 
 
 " That was a woman. 
 
 " A woman of the world, Turkey." 
 
 They left the carriage at the stable, and strolled 
 up to the jigger-shop, joining the group, all intent 
 on the coming baseball season; and gradually the 
 agony eased a bit. Presently a familiar little figure, 
 freckled and towheaded, sidled into the shop, and 
 stood with fists jammed in empty pockets, sniffing 
 the air for succour. 
 
 " Oh, you Beauty 1 oh, you astonishing Venus ! " 
 cried the inevitable persecutor. Then from the 
 crowd Macnooder began to intone the familiar lines :
 
 240 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEK 
 
 " His hair, it is a faded white, 
 
 His eye a watery blue; 
 He has no buttons on his coat, 
 No shoe-strings in his shoe." 
 
 "Doc," said the Beauty, blushing sheepishly, 
 " set me up to a jigger, will you? Go on, now ! " 
 
 Then Macnooder, roaring, shouted back : " Not 
 this year ; next year SISTEE ! "
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 
 
 THE noon bell was about to ring, the one glorious 
 spring note of that inexorable " Gym " bell that 
 ruled the school with its iron tongue. For at noon, 
 on the first liberating stroke, the long winter term 
 died and the Easter vacation became a fact. 
 
 Inside Memorial Hall the impatient classes stirred 
 nervously, counting off the minutes, sitting gingerly 
 
 on the seat-edges for fear of wrinkling the carefully 
 
 241
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 pressed suits or shifting solicitously the sharpened 
 trousers in peril of a bagging at the knees. Heav 
 ens ! how interminable the hour was, sitting there in 
 a planked shirt and a fashion-high collar and what 
 a recitation! Would Easter ever begin, that long- 
 coveted vacation when the growing boy, according 
 to theory, goes home to rest from the fatiguing 
 draining of his brain, but in reality returns ex 
 hausted by dinners, dances, and theatres, with per 
 haps a little touch of the measles to exchange with 
 his neighbours. Even the masters droned through 
 the perfunctory exercises, flunking the boys by twos 
 and threes, by groups, by long rows, but without 
 malice or emotion. 
 
 Outside, in the roadway, by the steps, waited a 
 long, incongruous line of vehicles, scraped together 
 from every stable in the countryside, forty-odd. A 
 few buggies for nabobs in the Upper House, two- 
 seated rigs (holding eight), -country buckboards, 
 excursion wagons to be filled according to capacity 
 at twenty-five cents the trip, hacks from Trenton, 
 and the regulation stage-coach all piled high with 
 bags and suitcases, waiting for the bell that would 
 start them on the scramble for the Trenton station, 
 five miles away. At the horses heads the lazy ne-
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 243 
 
 groes lolled, drawing languid puffs from their cig 
 arettes, unconcerned. 
 
 Suddenly the bell rang out, and the supine team 
 sters, galvanising into life, jumped to their seats. 
 The next moment, down the steps, pell-mell, scram 
 bling and scuffling, swarming over the carriages, 
 with joyful clamour, the school arrived. In an in 
 stant the first buggies were off, with whips franti 
 cally plied, disputing at a gallop the race to Trenton. 
 
 Then the air was filled with shouts. 
 
 "Where s Butsey?" 
 
 "Oh, you, Red Dog!" 
 
 " Where s my bag? " 
 
 "Jump in!" 
 
 " Oh, we ll never get there ! " 
 
 " Drive on ! " 
 
 "Don t wait!" 
 
 "Where s Jack?" 
 
 " Hurry up, you loafer ! " 
 
 " Hurry up, you butter-fingers ! " 
 
 "Get in!" 
 
 "Pile in!" 
 
 "Haul him in!" 
 
 "We re off!" 
 
 "Hurrah!"
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 Wagon after wagon, crammed with joyful boy 
 hood, disappeared in a cloud of dust, while back 
 returned a confused uproar of broken cheers, 
 snatches of songs, with whoops and shrieks for more 
 speed dominating the whole. The last load rollicked 
 away to join the mad race, where far ahead a 
 dozen buggies, with foam-flecked horses, vied with 
 one another, their youthful jockeys waving their 
 hats, hurling defiance back and forth, or shrieking 
 with delight as each antagonist was caught and left 
 behind. 
 
 The sounds of striving died away, the campus 
 grew still once more. The few who had elected to 
 wait until after luncheon scattered hurriedly about 
 the circle and disappeared in the houses, to fling 
 last armfuls into the already bursting trunks. 
 
 On top of Memorial steps the Great Big Man re 
 mained, solitary and marooned, gazing over the 
 fields, down the road to Trenton, where still the rising 
 dust-clouds showed the struggle toward vacation. 
 He stood like a monument, gazing fixedly, struggling 
 with all the might of his twelve years to conquer the 
 awful feeling of homesickness that came to him. 
 Homesickness the very word was an anomaly : what 
 home had he to go to? An orphan without ever
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 245 
 
 having known his father, scarcely remembering his 
 mother in the hazy reflections of years, little Joshua 
 Tibbets had arrived at the school at the beginning 
 of the winter term, to enter the shell,* and gradually 
 pass through the forms in six or seven years. 
 
 The boys of the Dickinson, after a glance at his 
 funny little body and his plaintive, doglike face, 
 had baptised him the " Great Big Man " (Big Man 
 for short), and had elected him the child of the 
 house. 
 
 He had never known what homesickness was be 
 fore. He had had a premonition of it, perhaps, from 
 time to time during the last week, wondering a little 
 in the classroom as each day Snorky Green, beside 
 him, calculated the days until Easter, then the hours, 
 then the minutes. He had watched him with an 
 amused, uncomprehending interest. Why was he so 
 anxious to be off? After all, he, the Big Man, 
 found it a pleasant place, after the wearisome life 
 from hotel to hotel. He liked the boys ; they were 
 kind to him, and looked after his moral and spiritual 
 welfare with bluff but affectionate solicitude. It is 
 true, one was always hungry, and only ten and a 
 half hours sleep was a refinement of cruelty un- 
 *The "shell" is the lowest class.
 
 246 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 worthy of a great institution. But it was pleasant 
 running over to the jigger-shop and doing errands 
 for giants like Reiter and Butcher Stevens, with 
 the privileges of the commission. He liked to be 
 tumbled in the grass by the great tackle of the 
 football eleven, or thrown gently from arm to arm 
 like a medicine-ball, quits for the privileges of pom 
 melling his big friends ad libitum and without fear 
 of reprisals. And then what a privilege to be al 
 lowed to run out on the field and fetch the nose- 
 guard or useless bandage, thrown down haphazard, 
 with the confidence that he, the Big Man, was there 
 to fetch and guard ! Then he was permitted to share 
 their studies, to read slowly from handy, literal 
 translations, his head cushioned on the Egghead s 
 knee, while the lounging group swore genially at 
 Pius ^Eneas or sympathised with Catiline. He 
 shagged elusive balls and paraded the bats at shoul 
 der-arms. He opened the mail, and sorted it, fetch 
 ing the bag from Farnum s. He was even allowed 
 to stand treat to the mighty men of the house when 
 ever the change in his pocket became too heavy for 
 comfort. 
 
 In return he was taught to box, to wind tennis 
 rackets, to blacken shoes, to crease trousers, and sew
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 247 
 
 on the buttons of the house. Nothing was lacking 
 to his complete happiness. 
 
 Then lately he had begun to realise that there 
 was something else in the school life, outside it, but 
 very much a part of it vacation. 
 
 At first the idea of quitting such a fascinating 
 life was quite incomprehensible to him. What gorg 
 ing dinner-party could compare with the thrill of 
 feasting at midnight on crackers and -cheese, devilled 
 ham, boned chicken, mince pie and root beer, by the 
 light of a solitary candle, with the cracks of the 
 doors and windows smothered with rugs and blankets, 
 listening at every mouthful for the tread of the mas 
 ter that sometimes (oh, acme of delight!) actually 
 passed unsuspectingly by the door? 
 
 Still, there was a joy in leaving all this. He 
 began to notice it distinctly when the trunks were 
 hauled from the cellar and the packing began. The 
 packing what a lark that had been ! He had folded 
 so many -coats and trousers, carefully, in their 
 creases, under Macnooder s generous instructions, 
 and, perched on the edge of the banisters like a 
 queer little marmoset, he had watched Wash Sim 
 mons throw great armfuls of assorted clothing into 
 the trays and churn them into place with a baseball
 
 248 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 bat, while the Triumphant Egghead carefully built 
 up his structure with nicety and tenderness. Only 
 he, the Big Man, sworn to secrecy, knew what Hickey 
 had surreptitiously inserted in the bottom of Egg 
 head s trunk, and also what, from the depths of 
 Wash s muddled -clothing, would greet the fond 
 mother or sister who did the unpacking; and every 
 time he thought of it he laughed one of those laughs 
 that pain. Then gleefully he had watched Macnoo- 
 der stretching a strap until it burst with consequences 
 dire, to the complete satisfaction of Hickey, Tur 
 key, Wash, and the Egghead, who, embracing fondly 
 on the top of another trunk, were assisting Butcher 
 Stevens to close an impossible gap. 
 
 Yet into all this amusement a little strain of 
 melancholy had stolen. Here was a sensation of 
 which he was not part, an emotion he did not know. 
 Still, his imagination did not seize it; he could not 
 think of the halls quiet, with no familiar figures loll 
 ing out of the windows, or a campus unbrokenly 
 green. 
 
 Now from his lonely eerie on Memorial steps, look 
 ing down the road to vacation, the Great Big Man 
 suddenly understood understood and felt. It was 
 he who had gone away, not they. The school he
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 249 
 
 loved was not with him, but roaring down to Tren 
 ton. No one had thought to invite him for a visit; 
 but then, why should anyone? 
 
 " I m only a runt, after all," he said, angrily, to 
 himself. He stuck his fists deep in his pockets, and 
 went down the steps like a soldier and across the 
 campus chanting valorously the football slogan : 
 
 Bill kicked, 
 
 Dunham kicked. 
 They both kicked together, 
 But Bill kicked mighty hard. 
 
 Flash ran, 
 
 Charlie ran, 
 
 Then Pennington lost her grip; 
 She also lost the championship 
 
 Siss, boom, ah! 
 
 [After all, he could sleep late; that was something. 
 Then in four days the baseball squad would return, 
 and there would be long afternoon practices to 
 watch, lolling on the turf, with an occasional foul 
 to retrieve. He would read The Count of Monte 
 Cristo, and follow The Three Musketeers through a 
 thousand far-off adventures, and Lorna Doone, 
 there was always the great John Ridd, bigger even 
 than Turkey or the Waladoo Bird.
 
 250 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 He arrived resolutely at the Dickinson, and started 
 up the deserted stairs for his room. There was 
 only one thing he feared; he did not want Mrs. 
 Rogers, wife of the housemaster, to " mother " 
 him. Anything but that! He was glad that after 
 luncheon he would have to take his meals at the 
 Lodge. That would avert embarrassing situations, 
 for whatever his friends might think, he, the Great 
 Big Man, was a runt in stature only. 
 
 To express fully the excessive gaiety he enjoyed, 
 he tramped to his room, bawling out : 
 
 " Tis a jolly life we lead, 
 Care and sorrow we defy." 
 
 All at once a gruif voice spoke: 
 
 " My, what a lot of noise for a Great Big Man ! " 
 
 The Big Man stopped thunderstruck. The voice 
 came from Butcher Stevens room. Cautiously he 
 tiptoed down the hall and paused, with his funny 
 little nose and eyes peering around the door-jamb. 
 Sure enough, there was Butcher, and there were the 
 Butcher s trunks and bags. What could it mean? 
 
 " I say," he began, according to etiquette, " is 
 that you, Butcher ? " 
 
 "Very much so, Big Man."
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 251 
 
 " What are you doing here? " 
 
 " The faculty, Big Man, desire my presence," 
 said the Butcher, sarcastically. " They would like 
 my expert advice on a few problems that are per 
 plexing them." 
 
 " Ah," said the Great Big Man, slowly. Then he 
 understood. The Butcher had been caught two 
 nights before returning by Sawtelle s window at a 
 very late hour. He did not know exactly the facts 
 because he had been told not to be too inquisitive, 
 and he was accustomed to obeying instructions. 
 Supposing the faculty should expel him! To the 
 Big Man such a sentence meant the end of all things, 
 something too horrible to contemplate. So he said, 
 " Oh, Butcher, is it serious ? " 
 
 "Rather, youngster; rather, I should say." 
 
 " What will the baseball team do ? " said the Big 
 Man, overwhelmed. 
 
 " That s what s worrying me," replied the crack 
 first-baseman, gloomily. He rose and went to the 
 window, where he stood beating a tattoo. 
 
 "You don t suppose Crazy Opdyke could cover 
 the bag, do you?" said the Big Man. 
 
 "Lord, no!" 
 
 " How about Stubby? "
 
 252 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " Too short." 
 
 " They might do something with the Waladoo." 
 
 " Not for first ; he can t stop anything below his 
 knees." 
 
 " Then I don t see how we re going to beat An- 
 dover, Butcher." 
 
 " It does look bad." 
 
 "Do you think the faculty will will " 
 
 "Fire me? Pretty certain, youngster." 
 
 "Oh, Butcher!" 
 
 " Trouble is, they ve got the goods on me dead 
 to rights." 
 
 " But does the Doctor know how it ll break up the 
 nine?" 
 
 Butcher laughed loudly. 
 
 " He doesn t op-preciate that, youngster." 
 
 "No," said the Big Man, reflectively. "They 
 never do, do they? " 
 
 The luncheon bell rang, and they hurried down. 
 The Big Man was overwhelmed by the discovery. 
 If Butcher didn t cover first, how could they ever 
 beat Andover and the Princeton freshmen? Even 
 Hill School and Pennington might trounce them. 
 He fell into a brown melancholy, until suddenly he 
 caught the sympathetic glance of Mrs. Rogers on
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 253 
 
 him, and for fear that she would think it was due to 
 his own weakness, he began to chat volubly. 
 
 He had always been a little in awe of the Butcher. 
 Not that the Butcher had not been friendly ; but he 
 was so blunt and rough and unbending that he rather 
 repelled intimacy. He watched him covertly, admir 
 ing the bravado with which he pretended unconcern. 
 It must be awful to be threatened with expulsion 
 and actually to be expelled, to have your whole life 
 ruined, once and forever, The Big Man s heart was 
 stirred. He said to himself that he had not been 
 sympathetic enough, and he resolved to repair the 
 error. So, luncheon over, he said with an appear 
 ance of carelessness: 
 
 " I say, old man, come on over to the jigger-shop. 
 I ll set em up. I m pretty flush, you know." 
 
 The Butcher looked down at the funny face and 
 saw the kindly motive under the exaggerated bluff- 
 ness. Being touched by it, he said gruffly: 
 
 i6 Well ; come on, then, you old billionaire ! " 
 
 The Big Man felt a great movement of sympathy 
 in him for his big comrade. He would have liked 
 to slip his little fist in the great brown hand and 
 say something appropriate, only he could think of 
 nothing appropriate. Then he remembered that
 
 254 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 among men there should be no letting down, no 
 sentimentality. So he lounged along, squinting 
 up at the Butcher and trying to copy his rolling 
 gait. 
 
 At the jigger-shop, Al lifted his eyebrows in 
 well-informed disapproval, saying curtly : 
 
 "What are you doing here, you Butcher, you?" 
 
 " Building up my constitution," said Stevens, with 
 a frown. " I m staying because I like it, of course. 
 Lawrenceville is just lovely at Easter: spring birds 
 and violets, and that sort of thing." 
 
 " You re a nice one," said Al, a baseball enthusi 
 ast. "Why couldn t you behave until after the 
 Andover game? " 
 
 " Of course ; but you needn t rub it in," replied 
 the Butcher, staring at the floor. " Give me a double 
 strawberry, and heave it over." 
 
 Al, seeing him not insensible, relented. He added 
 another dab to the double jigger already delivered, 
 and said, shoving over the glass: 
 
 "It s pretty hard luck on the team, Butcher. 
 There s no one hereabouts can hold down the bag 
 like you. Heard anything definite?" 
 
 " No." 
 
 "What do you think?"
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN, g55 
 
 " I d hate to say." 
 
 " Is anyone doing anything? " 
 
 " Cap Kief er is to see the Doctor to-night." 
 
 " I say, Butcher," said the Big Man, in sudden 
 fear, " you won t go up to Andover and play against 
 us, will you? " 
 
 " Against the school ! Well, rather not ! " said the 
 Butcher, indignantly. Then he added : " No ; if they 
 fire me, I know what I ll do." 
 
 The Big Man wondered if he contemplated suicide ; 
 that must be the natural thing to do when one is 
 expelled. He felt that he must keep near Butcher, 
 close all the day. So he made bold to wander about 
 with him, watching him with solicitude. 
 
 They stopped at Lalo s for a hot dog, and lingered 
 at Bill Appleby s, where the Butcher mournfully 
 tried the new mits and swung the bats with critical 
 consideration. Then feeling hungry, they trudged 
 up to Conover s for pancakes and syrup. Every 
 where was the same feeling of dismay; what would 
 become of the baseball nine? Then it suddenly 
 dawned upon the Big Man that no one seemed to 
 be sorry on the Butcher s account. He stopped with 
 a pancake poised on his fork, looked about to make 
 sure no one could hear him, and blurted out :
 
 256 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " I say, Butcher, it s not only on account of first 
 base, you know; I m darn sorry for you, honest."* 
 
 " Why, you profane little cuss," said the Butcher, 
 frowning, " who told you to swear ? " 
 
 " Don t make fun of me, Butcher," said the Great 
 Big Man, feeling very little ; " I meant it." 
 
 " Conover," said the Butcher, loudly, " more pan 
 cakes, and brown em ! " 
 
 He, too, had been struck by the fact that in the 
 general mourning there had been scant attention 
 paid to his personal fortunes. He had prided him 
 self on the fact that he was not susceptible to 
 " feelings," that he neither gave nor asked for sym 
 pathy. He was older than his associates, but years 
 had never reconciled him to Latin or Greek or, for 
 that matter, to mathematics in simple or aggravated 
 form. He had been the bully of his village out in 
 northern Iowa, and when a stranger came, he 
 trounced him first, and cemented the friendship af 
 terward. He liked hard knocks, give and take. He 
 liked the school because there was the long football 
 season in the autumn, with the joy of battling, with 
 every sinew of the body alert and the humming of 
 cheers indistinctly heard, as he rammed through the
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 257 
 
 yielding line. Then the spring meant long hours of 
 romping over the smooth diamond, cutting down im 
 possible hits, guarding first base like a bull-dog, pull 
 ing down the high ones, smothering the wild throws 
 that came ripping along the ground, threatening to 
 jump up against his eyes, throws that other fellows 
 dodged. He was in the company of equals, of good 
 fighters, like Charley De Soto, Hickey, Flash Condit, 
 and Turkey, fellows it was a joy to fight beside. 
 Also, it was good to feel that four hundred-odd 
 wearers of the red and black put their trust in him, 
 and that trust became very sacred to him. He played 
 hard very hard, but cleanly, because combat was 
 the joy of his life to him. He broke other rules, not 
 as a lark, but out of the same fierce desire for battle, 
 to seek out danger wherever he could find it. He 
 had been caught fair and square, and he knew that 
 for that particular offence there was only one punish 
 ment. Yet he hoped against hope, suddenly realising 
 what it would cost him to give up the great school 
 where, however, he had never sought friendships or 
 anything beyond the admiration of his mates. 
 
 The sympathy of the Big Man startled him, then 
 made him uncomfortable. He had no intention of
 
 258 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 crying out, and he did not like or understand the 
 new emotion that rose in him as he wondered when 
 his sentence would come. 
 
 " Well, youngster," he said, gruffly, " had enough ? 
 Have another round ? " 
 
 "I ve had enough," said the Big Man, heaving a 
 sigh. " Let me treat, Butcher." 
 
 " Not to-day, youngster." 
 
 " Butcher, I I d like to. I m awfully flush." 
 
 " Not to-day." 
 
 " Let s match for it." 
 
 "What!" said the Butcher, fiercely, "Don t let 
 me hear any more of that talk. You ve got to grow 
 up first." 
 
 The Big Man, thus rebuked, acquiesced meekly. 
 The two strolled back to the campus in silence. 
 
 " Suppose we have a catch," said the Big Man, 
 tentatively. 
 
 " All right," said the Butcher, smiling. 
 
 Intrenched behind a gigantic mit, the Big Man 
 strove valorously to hold the difficult balls. After 
 a long period of this mitigated pleasure they sat 
 down to rest. Then Cap Kiefer s stocky figure ap 
 peared around the Dickinson, and the Butcher went 
 off for a long, solemn consultation.
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 259 
 
 The Big Man, thus relieved of responsibility, felt 
 terribly alone. He went to his room and took down 
 volume two of The Count of Monte Cristo, and 
 stretched out on the window-seat. Somehow the 
 stupendous adventures failed to enthrall him. It was 
 still throughout the house. He caught himself lis 
 tening for the patter of Hickey s shoes above, 
 dancing a breakdown, or the rumble of Egghead s 
 laugh down the hall, or a voice calling, " Who can 
 lend me a pair of suspenders? " 
 
 And the window was empty. It seemed so 
 strange to look up from the printed page and find 
 no one in the Woodhull opposite, shaving painfully 
 at the window, or lolling like himself over a novel, 
 all the time keeping an eye on the life below. He 
 could not jeer at Two Inches Brown and Crazy Op- 
 dyke practising curves, nor assure them that the 
 Dickinson nine would just fatten on those easy ones. 
 No one halloed from house to house, no voice below 
 drawled out: 
 
 " Oh, you Great Big Man! Stick your head out 
 of the window ! " 
 
 There was no one to call across for the time o* 
 day, or for just a nickel to buy stamps, or for the 
 loan of a baseball glove, or a sweater, or a collar
 
 260 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 button, scissors, button-hook, or fifty and one ar 
 ticles that are never bought but borrowed. 
 
 The Great Big Man let The Count of Monte 
 Cristo tumble unheeded on the floor, seized a ten 
 nis ball, and went across the campus to the esplanade 
 of the Upper House, where for half an hour he 
 bounced the ball against the rim of the ledge, a privi 
 lege that only a fourth former may enjoy. Tiring 
 of this, he wandered down to the pond, where he 
 skimmed innumerable flat stones until he had ex 
 hausted the attractions of this limited amusement. 
 
 "I I m getting homesick," he admitted finally. 
 " I wish I had a dog something living around." 
 
 At supper-time he saw the Butcher again, and 
 forgot his own loneliness in the -concern he felt 
 for his big friend. He remembered that the Butcher 
 had said that if he were expelled he knew what he 
 would do. What had he meant by that ? Something 
 terrible. He glanced up at the Butcher, and, being 
 very apprehensive, made bold to ask: 
 
 " Butcher, I say, what does Cap think? " 
 
 " He hasn t seen the Doctor yet," said the Butcher. 
 " He ll see him to-night. I guess I ll go over my 
 self, just to leave a calling-card accordin to et- 
 iquette!"
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 261 
 
 The Big Man kept his own counsel, but when the 
 Butcher, after dinner, disappeared through the aw 
 ful portal of Foundation House, he sat down in the 
 dark under a distant tree to watch. In a short five 
 minutes the Butcher reappeared, stood a moment 
 undecided on the steps, stooped, picked up a hand 
 ful of gravel, flung it into the air with a laugh, and 
 started along the Circle. 
 
 " Butcher ! " 
 
 "Hello, who s that!" 
 
 " It s me, Butcher," said the Big Man, slipping 
 his hand into the other s ; " I I wanted to know." 
 
 " You aren t going to get sentimental, are you, 
 youngster?" said Stevens, disapprovingly. 
 
 " Please, Butcher," said the Great Big Man, 
 pleadingly, " don t be cross with me ! Is there any 
 hope?" 
 
 " The Doctor won t see me, young one," said the 
 Butcher, " but the atmosphere was not encourag- 
 ing." 
 
 " I m sorry." 
 
 "Honest?" 
 
 " Honest." 
 
 "You damn little runt!" 
 
 They went hand in hand over to the chapel, where
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 they chose the back steps and settled down with the 
 great walls at their back and plenty of gravel at 
 their feet to fling aimlessly into the dusky night. 
 
 "Butcher?" 
 
 "Well, Big Man!" 
 
 " What will you do if if they fire you? " 
 
 " Oh, lots of things. I ll go hunting for gold 
 somewhere, or strike out for South America or 
 Africa." 
 
 " Oh ! " The Big Man was immensely relieved ; 
 but he added incredulously, " Then you ll give up 
 football and baseball? " 
 
 " Looks that way." 
 
 "You won t mind?" 
 
 " Yes," said the Butcher, suddenly, " I will mind. 
 I ll hate to leave the old school. I d like to have one 
 chance more." 
 
 "Why don t you tell the Doctor that?" 
 
 " Never ! I don t cry out when I m caught, 
 youngster. I take my punishment." 
 
 "Yes," said the Big Man, reflecting. "That s 
 right, I suppose ; but, then, there s the team to think 
 of, you know." 
 
 They sat for a long time in silence, broken sud 
 denly by the Butcher s voice, not so gruff as usual.
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 263 
 
 " Say, Big Man feeling sort of homesick? " 
 
 No answer. 
 
 "Just a bit?" 
 
 Still no answer. The Butcher looked down, and 
 saw the Big Man struggling desperately to hold in 
 the sobs. 
 
 " Here, none of that, youngster ! " he exclaimed in 
 alarm. " Brace up, old man ! " 
 
 " I I m all right," said the Great Big Man with 
 difficulty. "It s nothing." 
 
 The Butcher patted him on the shoulder, and then 
 drew his arm around the little body. The Big Man 
 put his head down and blubbered, just as though he 
 had been a little fellow, while his companion sat per 
 plexed, wondering what to do or say in the strange 
 situation. 
 
 " So he s a little homesick, is he? " he said lamely. 
 
 " N-o-o," said the Great Big Man, " not just that; 
 it s it s all the fellows I miss." 
 
 The Butcher was silent. He, too, began to under 
 stand that feeling ; only he, in his battling pride, re 
 sisted fiercely the weakness. 
 
 "You ve got an uncle somewhere, haven t you, 
 youngster ? " he said gently. " Doesn t he look after 
 you in vacation-time? "
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " I don t miss him," replied the Big Man, shaking 
 his head. Then he pulled himself together and said 
 apologetically: "It s just being left behind that 
 makes me such a damned cry-baby." 
 
 " Youngster," said the Butcher, sternly, " your 
 language is af-rocious. Such words do not sound 
 well in the mouth of a suckling of your size." 
 
 " I didn t mean to," said the Big Man, blush 
 ing. 
 
 " You must leave something to grow up for, young 
 man," said the Butcher, profoundly. " Now tell me 
 about that uncle of yours. I don t fancy his 
 silhouette." 
 
 The Great Big Man, thus encouraged, poured out 
 his lonely starved little heart, while the Butcher 
 listened sympathetically, feeling a certain comfort in 
 sitting with his arm around a little fellow-being. 
 Not that he was sensible of giving much comfort ; 
 his comments, he felt, were certainly inadequate ; nor 
 did he measure in any way up to the situation. 
 
 "Now it s better, eh, Big Man?" he said at last 
 when the little fellow had stopped. " Does you sort 
 of good to talk things out." 
 
 " Oh, yes ; thank you, Butcher." 
 
 " All right, then, youngster."
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 265 
 
 " All right. I say, you you don t ever feel that 
 way, do you homesick, I mean?" 
 
 " Not much." 
 
 " You ve got a home, haven t you? " 
 
 " Quite too much, young one. If they fire me, 
 I ll keep away from there. Strike out for myself." 
 
 " Of course, then, it s different." 
 
 " Young one," said the Butcher, suddenly, " that s 
 not quite honest. If I have to clear out of here, it 
 will cut me up considerable." 
 
 "Honest?" 
 
 " A fact. I didn t know it before ; but It will cut 
 me up to strike out and leave all this behind. I want 
 another chance; and do you know why? " 
 
 "Why?" 
 
 " I d like to make friends. Oh, I haven t got any 
 real friends, youngster ; you needn t shake your head. 
 It s my fault. I know it You re the first mortal 
 soul who cared what became of me. All the rest are 
 thinking of the team." 
 
 " Now, Butcher " 
 
 " Lord ! don t think I m crying out ! " said the 
 Butcher, in instant alarm. " It s all been up to me. 
 Truth is, I ve been too darned proud. But I d like 
 to get another whack at it."
 
 266 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 " Perhaps you will, Butcher." 
 
 " No, no, there s no reason why I should." The 
 Butcher sat solemnly a moment, flinging pebbles 
 down into the dark tennis courts. Suddenly he said : 
 " Look here, Big Man, I m going to give you some 
 good advice." 
 
 " All right, Butcher." 
 
 ** And I want you to tuck it away in your thinker 
 savez? You re a nice kid now, a good sort, but 
 you ve got a lot of chances for being spoiled. Don t 
 get fresh. Don t get a swelled head just because a 
 lot of the older fellows let you play around. There s 
 nothing so hateful in the sight of God or man as a 
 fresh kid." 
 
 " You don t think " began the Big Man in 
 
 dismay. 
 
 " No ; you re all right now. You re quiet, and 
 don t tag around, and you re a good sort, darned if 
 you aren t, and that s why I don t want to see you 
 spoiled. Now a straight question: Do you smoke? " 
 
 "Why, that is well, Butcher, I did try once a 
 puff on Snookers cigarette." 
 
 " You ought to be spanked ! " said the Butcher, 
 angrily. " And when I get hold of Snookers, I ll 
 tan him. The idea of his letting you! Don t you
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 267 
 
 monkey around tobacco yet a while. First of all, it s 
 fresh, and second, you ve got to grow. You want 
 to make a team, don t you, while you re here? " 
 
 " O-o-oh ! " said the Great Big Man with a long 
 sigh. 
 
 " Then just stick to growing. Cause you ve got 
 work cut out for you there. Now I m not preachin ; 
 I m saying that you want to fill out and grow up and 
 do something. Harkee." 
 
 "All right." 
 
 " Cut out Snookers and that gang. Pick out the 
 fellows that count, as you go along, and just remem 
 ber this, if you forget the rest: if you want to put 
 ducks in Tabby s bed or nail down his desk, do it 
 because you want to do it, not because some other 
 fellow wants you to do it. D ye hear? " 
 
 " Yes, Butcher." 
 
 " Remember that, youngster ; if I d stuck to it, 
 I d kept out of a peck of trouble." He reflected a 
 moment and added : " Then I d study a little. It s 
 not a bad thing, I guess, in the long run, and it gets 
 the masters on your side. And now jump up, and 
 we ll trot home." 
 
 The following night the Big Man, again under his 
 tree, waited for the result of the -conference that was
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 going on inside Foundation House between the Doc 
 tor and the Butcher and Cap Kiefer. It was long, 
 very long. The minutes went slowly, and it was very 
 dark there, with hardly a light showing in the circle 
 of houses that ordinarily seemed like a procession of 
 lighted ferry-boats. After an interminable hour, 
 the Butcher and Cap came out. He needed no word 
 to tell what their attitudes showed only too plainly : 
 the Butcher was expelled! 
 
 The Big Man waited until the two had passed into 
 the night, and then, with a sudden resolve, went 
 bravely to the doorbell and rang. Before he quite 
 appreciated the audacity of his act, he found him 
 self in the sanctum facing a much-perplexed head 
 master. 
 
 " Doctor, I I " The Big Man stopped, over 
 whelmed by the awful majesty of the Doctor, on 
 whose face still sat the grimness of the past confer 
 ence. 
 
 " Well, Joshua, what s the matter ? " said the head 
 master, relaxing a bit before one of his favourites. 
 
 " Please, sir, I m a little a little embarrassed, I m 
 afraid," said the Great Big Man, desperately. 
 
 "Am I so terrible as all that?" said the Doctor, 
 smiling. 
 
 " Yes, sir you are," the Big Man replied frankly.
 
 THE GREAT BIG MAN 269 
 
 Then he said, plunging in, " Doctor, is the Butcher 
 is Stevens are you going to expel him ? " 
 
 " That is my painful duty, Joshua," said the Doc 
 tor, frowning. 
 
 " Oh, Doctor," said the Big Man all in a breath, 
 " you don t know you re making a mistake." 
 
 "lam? Why, Joshua?" 
 
 " Because you don t know. Because the Butcher 
 won t tell you, he s too proud, sir ; because he doesn t 
 want to cry out, sir." 
 
 "What do you mean exactly?" said the Doctor 
 in surprise. " Does Stevens know you re here ? " 
 
 " Oh, Heavens, no, sir ! " said the Big Man in hor 
 ror. " And you must never tell him, sir ; that would 
 be too terrible." 
 
 " Joshua," said the Doctor, impressively, " J am 
 expelling Stevens because he is just the influence I 
 don t want boys of your age to come under." 
 
 " Oh, yes, sir," said the Big Man, " I know you 
 think that, sir ; but really, Doctor, that s where you 
 are wrong ; really you are, sir." 
 
 The Doctor saw there was something under the 
 surface, and he encouraged the little fellow to talk. 
 The Big Man, forgetting all fear in the seriousness 
 of the situation, told the listening head master all 
 the Butcher s conversation with him on the chapel
 
 270 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 steps the night before told it simply and eloquently, 
 with an ardour that bespoke absolute faith. Then 
 suddenly he stopped. 
 
 " That s all, sir," he said, frightened. 
 
 The Doctor rose and walked back and forth, 
 troubled and perplexed. There was no doubting the 
 sincerity of the recital: it was a side of Stevens he 
 had not guessed. Finally he turned and rested his 
 hand on the Big Man s shoulders. 
 
 " Thank you," he said ; " it does put another light 
 on the question. I ll think it over." 
 
 When, ten days later, the school came trickling 
 home along the road from vacation, they saw, against 
 all hope, the Butcher holding down first base, frolick 
 ing over the diamond in the old familiar way, and a 
 great shout of joy and relief went up. But how it 
 had happened no one ever knew, least of all Cap and 
 the Butcher, who had gone from Foundation House 
 that night in settled despair. 
 
 To add to Butcher s mystification, the Doctor, in 
 announcing his reprieve, had added: 
 
 " I ve decided to make a change, Stevens. I m 
 going to put Tibbetts in to room with you. I place 
 him in your charge. I m going to try a little re 
 sponsibility on you."
 
 THE POLITICAL EDUCATION OF MR. BALDWIN 
 
 IF Hickey had not been woefully weak in mathe 
 matics the famous Fed. and anti-Fed, riots would 
 probably never have happened. But as revolutions 
 turn on minor axes, Hickey, who could follow a foot 
 ball like a hound, could not for the life of him trace 
 X, the unknown factor, through the hedges of the 
 simplest equation. 
 
 It was, therefore, with feelings of the acutest in 
 terest that he waited, in the upper corridor of Me 
 morial Hall, on the opening morning of the spring 
 term, for the appearance of Mr. Baldwin, the new 
 recruit to the mathematics department. The Hall 
 
 271
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 was choked with old boys chattering over the doings 
 of the Easter vacation, calling back and forth, 
 punching one another affectionately or critically ex 
 amining the returning stragglers. 
 
 " His name is Ernest Garrison Baldwin," said the 
 Gutter Pup. " Just graduated, full of honours and 
 that sort of thing." 
 
 " He ought to be easy," said Crazy Opdyke, hope- 
 fully 
 
 " These mathematical sharks are always fancy 
 markers," interposed Macnooder. 
 
 " If I m stuck in the first row," said the Egghead 
 gloomily, " it s all up I never could do anything 
 with figures." 
 
 " If we want short lessons," said Hickey, waking 
 out of his reverie, " we ve all got to flunk in the be 
 ginning." 
 
 At this Machiavellian analysis there was a chorus 
 of assent. 
 
 " Sure." 
 
 "Rickey s the boy!" 
 
 " Red Dog and Poler Fox have got to be kept 
 down." 
 
 " We re not pack-horses." 
 
 " Say, is he green ? "
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 273 
 
 " Sure never taught before." 
 
 " Cheese it he s coming." 
 
 The group stood aside, intent on the arrival of the 
 new adversary. They saw a stiff young man, al 
 ready bald, with a set, affable manner and a pervad 
 ing smile of cordiality, who entered the classroom 
 with a confident step, after a nodded: 
 
 " Ah, boys good-morning." 
 
 The class filed in, eyeing the natural enemy closely 
 for the first indications of value to aid them in the 
 approaching conflicts. 
 
 " He s awfully serious," said the Egghead to his 
 neighbour. 
 
 " He ll try to drive us," replied Macnooder, with 
 instinctive resentment. 
 
 Hickey said nothing, absorbed in contemplation of 
 a momentous question how would the new master 
 hear recitations? To solve a master s system is to 
 be prepared in advance, and with the exception of the 
 Roman s there was not a system which he had not 
 solved. Popular masters, like Pa Dater, called you 
 up every third day, which is eminently just and con 
 ducive to a high standard of scholarship. The 
 Muffin Head, in stealthy craftiness, had a way of 
 calling you up twice in succession after you had
 
 274 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 flunked and were expecting a brief period of im 
 munity; but this system once solved gave ample op 
 portunity to redeem yourself. The Doctor, wiser 
 than the rest, wrote each name on a card, shuffled the 
 pack and called for a recitation according to chance 
 but even the Doctor left the pack on his desk, nor 
 counted the cards as all careful players should. 
 Other masters, like Tapping and Baronson, trusted 
 to their intuitions, seizing upon the boy whose counte 
 nance betrayed a lurking apprehension. Hickey 
 took kindly to this method and had thrived amaz 
 ingly, by sudden flagrant inattentions or noticeable 
 gazing out of the windows, which invariably pro 
 cured him a staccato summons to recite just as the 
 recitation neared the limited portion he had studied. 
 
 So Hickey sat, examining Mr. Baldwin, and spec 
 ulating into which classification he would fall. 
 
 " Now, boys," said Mr. Baldwin, with an expanding 
 smile, " we re beginning the new term. I hope you ll 
 like me I know I shall like you. I m quite a boy 
 myself quite a boy, you know. Now I m going 
 ahead on a new principle. I m going to assume that 
 you all take an interest in your work [the class sat 
 up]. I m going to assume that you look upon life 
 with seriousness and purpose. I m going to assume
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 275 
 
 that you realise the sacrifices your parents are mak 
 ing to afford you an education. I m not here as a 
 taskmaster. I m here to help you, as your friend, 
 as your companion as an older brother that s it, 
 as an older brother. I hope our interest in one an 
 other will not be limited to this classroom." 
 
 Hickey and the Egghead, who had prominently 
 installed themselves in the front seats, led the ap 
 plause with serious, responsive faces. Mr. Baldwin 
 acknowledged it, noticing pleasantly the leaders of 
 the demonstration. 
 
 Then he rapped for order and began to call the 
 roll, seating the boys alphabetically. He ran rapidly 
 through the F s, the G s and H s and, pausing, in 
 quired : 
 
 " Are there any J s in the class? " 
 
 At this excruciatingly witty remark, which every 
 master annually blunders upon, the waiting class 
 roared in unison, while Hinsdale was forced to slap 
 Hickey mercilessly on the back to save him from 
 violent hysterics. 
 
 Mr. Baldwin, who suddenly perceived he had made 
 a pun, hastily assumed a roguish expression and al 
 lowed a considerable moment for the laughter to die 
 away. The session ended in a gale of cordiality.
 
 276 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 Hickey and the Egghead paid a visit that after 
 noon to the Griswold, to make the new arrival feel 
 quite at home. 
 
 "Ah, boys," said Mr. Baldwin, with a wringing 
 hand-shake, " this is very friendly of you, very 
 friendly." 
 
 "Mr. Baldwin," said Hickey seriously, "we were 
 very much interested in what you said to us this 
 morning." 
 
 " Indeed," said Baldwin, gratified. " Well, that 
 pleases me very much. And I am glad to see that 
 you take me at my word, and I hope you will drop in 
 often. There are lots of things I want to talk over 
 with you." 
 
 " Yes, sir," said the Egghead. " It s very kind 
 of you." 
 
 " Not at all," said Baldwin, with a wave of his 
 hand. " My theory is that a master should be your 
 companion, and I have one or two ideas about educa 
 tion I am anxious to have my boys interested in. 
 Now, for instance, take politics; what do you know 
 about politics ? " 
 
 " Why, nothing," said Hickey in acquiescent sur 
 prise. 
 
 "And yet that is the most vital thing you will
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 277 
 
 have to face as men. Here s a great national elec 
 tion approaching, and yet, I am certain not one in 
 four hundred of you has any clear conception of the 
 political system." 
 
 " That s so, Egghead," said Hickey, nodding im 
 pressively at his companion. " It is so." 
 
 " I have a scheme I m going to talk over with 
 you," continued Baldwin, " and I want your advice. 
 Sit down ; make yourselves comfortable." 
 
 Later in the afternoon Mr. Baronson, Baldwin s 
 superior in the Griswold, dropped in with a friendly 
 inquiry. Young Mr. Baldwin was gazing out of the 
 window in indulgent amusement. Mr. Baronson, fol 
 lowing his gaze, beheld, in the far campus, Hickey 
 and Egghead rolling over each other like two trick 
 bears. 
 
 "Well, Baldwin, how goes it?" said Baronson 
 genially. , 
 
 " Splendidly. The boys are more than friendly. 
 We shall get on famously." 
 
 " Danaos timeo et dona ferentes, " said Baronson 
 shrewdly. 
 
 " Oh " Baldwin objected. 
 
 " Yes, yes I m an old fogy old style," said 
 Baronson, cutting in, " but it s based on good sci-
 
 278 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 entific researches, Baldwin. I just dropped in for 
 a hint or two, which you won t pay attention to 
 never mind. When you ve lived with the young 
 human animal as long as I have, you won t have any 
 illusions. He doesn t want to be enlightened. He 
 hasn t the slightest desire to be educated. He isn t 
 educated. He never will be. His memory simply 
 detains for a short while, a larger and larger num 
 ber of facts Latin, Greek, history, mathematics, 
 it s all the same facts, nothing but facts. He re 
 members when he is compelled to, but he is supremely 
 bored by the performance. All he wants is to grow, 
 to play and to get into sufficient mischief. My dear 
 fellow, treat him as a splendid young savage, who 
 breaks a rule for the joy of matching his wits against 
 yours, and don t take him seriously, as you are in 
 danger of doing. Don t let him take you seriously 
 or he will lead you to a cropper." 
 
 Ernest Garrison Baldwin did not deign to reply 
 the voice of the older generation, of course ! He was 
 of the new, he would replace old prejudices with new 
 methods. There were a great many things in the 
 world he intended to change among others this 
 whole antagonistic spirit of education. So he re 
 mained silent, and looked very dignified.
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 279 
 
 Baronson studied him, saw the workings of his 
 mind, and smiled. 
 
 " Never were at boarding-school, were you ? " he 
 asked. 
 
 " No," said Baldwin, drily. 
 
 Baronson gave a glance at the study, remarked 
 the advanced note in the shelves, and went to the 
 door. 
 
 "After all," he said, with his hand on the knob, 
 "the first year, Baldwin, we learn more than we 
 teach." 
 
 " Gee ! I think it s an awful bore," said the Gutter 
 Pup. 
 
 " I don t see it either," said the Egghead. 
 
 " Who started it? " asked Turkey Reiter. 
 
 " Hickey and Elder Brother Baldwin," said the 
 Egghead. " Hickey s improving his stand." 
 
 " Hickey, boy," said Butcher Stevens, profession 
 ally, " you re consorting with awful low company." 
 
 " Hickey, you are getting to be a greasy grind," 
 said the Gutter Pup. 
 
 " I am, am I," said Hickey indignantly. " I d 
 like to know if I m not a patriot. I d like to know 
 if I m not responsible for the atmosphere of brotherly 
 love and the dove of peace that floats around Bald-
 
 280 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 win s classroom. I d like to know if I m not re 
 sponsible for his calling us up alphabetically, regu 
 lar order, every other day, no suspicion, perfect 
 trust mutual confidence. Am I right ? " 
 
 "You are right, Hickey, you are right," said 
 Turkey apologetically. " The binomial theorem is 
 a delight and a joy, when, as you say, the master has 
 mutual trust in the scholar. But where in blazes, 
 Hickey, did you get this political shindy into your 
 thinker? " 
 
 " It s Elder Brother s theory of education," said 
 Hickey carefully, " one of his theories. Elder 
 Brother is very much distressed at the ignorance, the 
 political ignorance, of the modern boy. Brother is 
 right." 
 
 " Come off," said the Egghead, glancing at him 
 suspiciously, but Hickey maintained a serious face. 
 
 " What s up ? " said Macnooder, sauntering over 
 to the crowd on the lawn. 
 
 " Hickey s fixed up a plan with Brotherly Love to 
 have a political campaign," said the Gutter Pup, 
 " and is trying to rouse our enthusiasm." 
 
 " A campaign here in the school, in the Lawrence- 
 vill School, John C. Green Foundation ! " said Mac 
 nooder incredulously.
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 281 
 
 "The same!" 
 
 " No ? I won t believe it. It s a dream it s a 
 beautiful, satisfying dream," said Macnooder, shak 
 ing his head. "A political campaign in school; 
 Hickey, my bounding boy, I see your cunning band ! " 
 
 " Now Doc s gone nutty," said the unimaginative 
 Egghead. " What the deuce do you see in it? " 
 
 " Hickey, you old, rambunctious, foxy, prodigious 
 Hickey, I knew something was brewing," said Doc, 
 not deigning to notice the Egghead. " You have 
 been quiet, most quiet of late. Hickey, how did you 
 do it? " 
 
 " Sympathy, Doc," said Hickey blandly. " I ve 
 been most sympathetic with Elder Brother, sympa 
 thetic and most encouraging. Sympathy is a beau 
 tiful thing, Doc, beautiful and rare." 
 
 " Hickey, don t torture me with curiosity," said 
 Doc. " Where are we at? " 
 
 "At the present moment, Brother is asking the 
 Doctor for permission to launch the campaign, and 
 the sympathetic, popular and serious Hickey Hicks 
 is proceeding to select a preliminary conference com 
 mittee." 
 
 "And what then?" said Turkey, with sudden in 
 terest.
 
 282 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " What then? " said Hickey. " Bonfires, parades, 
 stump speeches, proclamations, et cetera, et ceteray." 
 
 " Oh, Hickey," said the now enthusiastic Gutter 
 Pup, " do you think the Doctor ever will permit it ? " 
 
 "What s the use of getting excited?" said the 
 Egghead contemptuously. " You don t fancy for a 
 moment, do you, there s a chance of fooling the 
 Doctor?" 
 
 " Sure, Egghead s right," said Butcher Stevens ; 
 "you won t get the Doctor to bite. Baldwin is 
 green, but the Doctor is quite ripe, thank you ! " 
 
 Even Macnooder looked dubiously at Hickey, who 
 assumed an air of superhuman wisdom and answered : 
 
 " I have two chances, Baldwin and the De-coy 
 Ducks!" 
 
 "The what?" 
 
 " Decoy Ducks ; the committee that will confer to 
 morrow afternoon with the Doctor." 
 
 Turkey emitted a long, admiring whistle. 
 
 " I have given the matter thought serious 
 thought, as Baldwin would say," said Hickey. 
 " The following collection of Archangels and young 
 High Markers will be rounded up for the Doctor s 
 inspection to-morrow." 
 
 "As Decoy Ducks?"
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 283 
 
 " As Decoy Ducks, you intelligent Turkey. 
 High Markers : Red Dog, Poler Fox, Biddy Hamp 
 ton and Ginger Pop Rooker, Wash Simmons the 
 Doctor would feed out of Wash s hand Crazy Op- 
 dyke he reads Greek like Jules Verne. Everything 
 must be done to make this a strictly ed-u-cational 
 affair. Now to demonstrate that it has the sanction 
 of the religious element of this community the follow 
 ing notorious and flagrant Archangels will qualify: 
 Halo Brown, Pink Rabbit, Parson Eddy, the Sap- 
 head and the Coffee Cooler the Doctor is real affec 
 tionate with the Coffee Cooler." 
 
 "What a beoo-ti-ful bunch!" said the Gutter 
 Pup rapturously. 
 
 " It is," said Hickey, proudly ; " the Doctor would 
 let any one of them correct his own examination 
 papers and raise the mark afterward on the ground 
 of overconscientiousness." 
 
 "Well, where s the fun?" said the Egghead ob 
 stinately. " If Crazy Opdyke and that bunch is to 
 run the campaign, where do we -come in?" 
 
 " There will be a small preliminary representation 
 of professional politicians," said Hickey, smiling, 
 " very small at present, limited to the handsome and 
 popular Hickey Hicks, who will represent the large
 
 284 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 body of professional politicians who will be detained 
 at home by hard work and serious application, 
 but " 
 
 " But what? " said Macnooder! 
 
 " But who will find time to ac-tively assist this 
 quiet, orderly campaign of education, after their 
 presence will not be misunderstood ! " 
 
 At half -past one the next day, the Doctor, sympa 
 thetically inclined by the enthusiastic, if inexperi 
 enced, Mr. Baldwin, received the Decoy Ducks in his 
 study at Foundation House. 
 
 The Doctor, while interested, had not been con 
 vinced, and had expressed a desire to know into whose 
 guidance the nurturing of such a tender plant had 
 been intrusted. As the impressive gathering defiled 
 before him, his instinctive caution vanished, his 
 glance warmed with satisfaction, and assuming the 
 genial and conversational attitude he reserved for 
 his favourites, he began : 
 
 " Well, boys, this appears to be a responsible gath 
 ering, an unusually responsible one. It is gratifying 
 to see you approaching such subjects with serious 
 purpose and earnestness. It is gratifying that the 
 leaders of this school " (here his glance rested fondly
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 285 
 
 on Wash Simmons, Crazy Opdyke and the Coffee 
 Cooler, prominently placed) " that the earnest, pur 
 poseful boys show this interest in the political wel 
 fare of the nation. Mr. Baldwin s plan seems to me 
 to be a most excellent one. I am in hearty accord 
 with its motive. We cannot begin too soon to interest 
 the youth, the intelligent, serious youth of our coun 
 try in honest government and -clean political methods." 
 (Hickey, in noble effacement by the window-seat, 
 here gazed dreamily over the campus to the red circle 
 of houses.) "Much can be accomplished from the 
 earnest and purposeful pursuit of this instructive ex 
 periment. The experiment should be educational in 
 the largest sense ; the more I study it the more worthy 
 it appears. I should not be surprised if your ex 
 periment should attract the consideration of the edu 
 cational world. Mr. Baldwin, it gives me pleasure 
 to express to you my thanks and my gratification for 
 the authorship of so worthy an undertaking. I will 
 leave you to a discussion of the necessary details." 
 
 " Well, boys," said Baldwin briskly, " let me briefly 
 outline the plan agreed upon. The election shall be 
 for a school council, before which legislation affect 
 ing the interests of the school shall come. Each of 
 the four forms shall elect two representatives, each
 
 286 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 of the ten houses shall elect one representative, mak 
 ing a deliberative body of eighteen. In view of the 
 fact that the approaching national election might 
 inject unnecessary bitterness if the election should 
 be on national issues, we have decided, on the very 
 excellent suggestion of Hicks, who has indeed given 
 many valuable suggestions " (Hickey looked pre- 
 ternaturally solemn), "to have the election on a 
 matter of school policy, and have settled upon the 
 athletic finances as an issue of sufficient interest and 
 yet one that can be calmly and orderly discussed. 
 At present, the management of the athletic finances 
 is in the hands of selected officers from the fourth 
 form. The issue, then, is whether this method shall 
 be continued or whether a member of the faculty 
 shall administer the finances. I should suggest Fed 
 eralists and Anti-Federalists as names for the parties 
 you will form. One week will be given to campaign 
 ing and the election will take place according to the 
 Australian ballot system. Now, boys, I wish you 
 success. You will acquire a taste for public combat 
 and a facility in the necessary art of politics that will 
 nurture in you a desire to enter public life, to take 
 your part in the fight for honest politics, clean meth 
 ods, independent thinking, and will make you foes
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 287 
 
 of intimidation, bribery, cheating and that dema- 
 goguery that is the despair of our present system. 
 At present you may be indifferent, a little bored, per 
 haps, at this experiment, but you will like it I am 
 sure you will like it. I prophesy it will interest you 
 once you get started." 
 
 Hickey lingered after the meeting to explain that 
 the duties incident to the organising of such an im 
 portant undertaking had unfortunately deprived him 
 of the time necessary to prepare his advanced 
 algebra. 
 
 " Well, that is a little matter we ll overlook, 
 Hicks," said the enthusiast genially. " I congratu 
 late you on your selection, an admirable committee, 
 one that inspires confidence. Keep me in touch with 
 developments and call on me for advice at any time." 
 
 " Yes, indeed, sir." 
 
 " Good luck." 
 
 " Thank you, sir." 
 
 A half hour later Hickey announced the addition 
 of the following professional politicians: Tough 
 McCarthy, Doc Macnooder, The Triumphant Egg 
 head, Slugger Jones, Turkey Reiter, Cheyenne Bax 
 ter, Jock Hasbrouck, Butcher Stevens, Rock Bemis 
 and Bat Greer.
 
 288 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 The reinforced -committee then met, divided equit 
 ably, and having tossed for sides, announced their 
 organisation, as follows: 
 
 FEDERALIST PARTY 
 Chairman: THE HON. TOUGH MCCARTHY 
 Vice-Chairman: THE HON. GINGER POP ROOKER 
 
 ANTI-FEDERALIST PARTY 
 Chairman: HON. CHEYENNE BAXTER 
 V ice-Chairman: HON. HICKEY HICKS 
 
 The school was at first apathetic, then mildly in 
 terested. The scheme was examined with suspicion 
 as perhaps being a veiled attempt of the faculty to 
 increase the already outrageous taxes on the mind. 
 It looked prosy enough at first glance perhaps an 
 attempt to revive the interest in debating and so to 
 be fiercely resisted. 
 
 For an hour the great campaign for political edu 
 cation hung fire and then suddenly it began to catch 
 on. A few leading imaginations had seen the latent 
 possibilities. In another hour apathy had disap 
 peared and every house was discussing the moment 
 ous question whether to go Fed or Anti-Fed. 
 
 The executive committee of the Federalist party 
 met immediately, on a call from the Honourable 

 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 289 
 
 Cheyenne Baxter, in the Triumphant Egghead s 
 rooms for organisation and conference. 
 
 "We ve got the short end of it, all right, all 
 right," said Butcher Stevens gloomily. " The idea 
 of our standing up for the faculty." 
 
 " That s right, Cheyenne," said Turkey, shaking 
 his head. " We ll be left high and dry." 
 
 " We won t carry any house outside the Dickinson 
 and the Woodhull," said Slugger Jones. 
 
 " I d like to make a suggestion," said Crazy Op- 
 dyke. 
 
 " We ve got to plan two campaigns," said Chey 
 enne, " one for the election from the forms and one 
 for the control of the houses. Let s take up the 
 forms the fourth form will go solidly against us." 
 
 " Sure," said Doc Macnooder, " because if we win 
 they lose control of the finances." 
 
 " I have a suggestion," said Crazy Opdyke for the 
 second time. 
 
 " Now," said Cheyenne, " we ve got to make this a 
 matter of the school against the fourth form, and it 
 oughtn t to be so hard, either. Now, how re we go 
 ing to do it ? First, what have we got ? " 
 
 " The Dickinson and the Woodhull," said Hickey. 
 
 " Yes, we can be sure of those, but that s all.
 
 290 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 Now, those Feds, with Jock Hasbrouck and Tough 
 McCarthy, will swing the Kennedy and the Gris- 
 wold." 
 
 " The Davis House will be against us," said Mac- 
 nooder, with conviction. " They re just aching to 
 get back at the Dickinson." 
 
 "That s so," said Turkey. "They re still sore 
 because we won the football championship." 
 
 " The Davis will pull the Rouse House with it," 
 said Hickey gloomily. " They re forty in the Davis 
 and only twelve in the Rouse. The Davis would 
 mangle them if they ever dared go our way." 
 
 "We ve got to counteract that by getting the 
 Green," said Cheyenne. " They re only ten there, 
 but it makes a vote. The fight ll be in the Hamill 
 and the Cleve." 
 
 " The Cleve is sore on us," said Turkey of the 
 Dickinson, " because we swiped the ice cream last year 
 for their commencement dinner." 
 
 " I ve got an idea," said Crazy Opdyke, trying to 
 be heard. 
 
 " Shut up, Crazy," said Doc. " You ve served 
 your purpose; you re a Decoy Duck and nothing 
 else." 
 
 " Harmony ! " said Cheyenne warningly. " The
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 291 
 
 way to get the Green is to give Butsey White, down 
 there, the nomination from the second form, if he ll 
 swing the house." 
 
 " And put up Bronc Andrews in the Hamill," 
 added Macnooder. 
 
 " Where do I come in ? " said Crazy Opdyke, who 
 had aspirations. 
 
 " You subordinate yourself to the success of your 
 party," said Cheyenne. 
 
 " The devil I do," said Opdyke. " If you think 
 I m a negro delegate, you ve got another think com 
 ing. I may be a Decoy Duck, but either I m made 
 chairman of a Finance Committee or I lead a bolt 
 right out of this convention." 
 
 "A Finance Committee?" said Butcher Stevens, 
 mystified. 
 
 " Sure," said Cheyenne Baxter. " That s most 
 important." 
 
 " I ll take that myself, then," said Macnooder ag 
 gressively. "I d like to know what claim Crazy s 
 got to a position of trust and responsibility." 
 
 " Claim or no claim," said Opdyke, pulling his 
 hat over his eyes and tilting back, " either I handle 
 the funds of this here campaign or the Anti-Fed 
 eralist party begins to split."
 
 292 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 " Shall a half-plucked rooster from the Cleve 
 House hold up this convention ? " said Wash Sim 
 mons militantly. " If we re going to be black-jacked 
 by every squid that comes down the road, I m going 
 to get out." 
 
 " I have spoken," said Crazy. 
 
 " So have I." 
 
 " Gentlemen, gentlemen," protested the Honour 
 able Cheyenne Baxter, " we must have harmony." 
 
 " Rats ! " said Opdyke. " I demand a vote." 
 
 " I insist upon it," said Wash. 
 
 The vote was taken and Macnooder was declared 
 chairman of the Finance Committee. Crazy Opdyke 
 arose and made them a profound bow. 
 
 " Gentlemen, I have the honour of bidding you 
 farewell," he said, loftily. " The voice of freedom 
 has been stifled. This great party is in the hands of 
 commercial interests and private privilege. This is 
 nothing but a Dickinson House sinecure. I retire, I 
 withdraw, I shake the dust from my feet. I depart, 
 but I shall not sleep, I shall not rest, I shall neither 
 forget nor forgive. Remember, gentlemen of the 
 Anti-Federalist party, this hour, and when in the 
 stillness of the night you hear the swish of the 
 poisoned arrow, the swirl of the tomahawk, the thud
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 293 
 
 of the secret stone, pause and say to yourself, * Crazy 
 Opdyke done it ! " 
 
 " It is unfortunate," said Cheyenne, when Crazy 
 had departed, " most unfortunate, but that s pol 
 itics." 
 
 " Crazy has no influence," said Wash, contemptu 
 ously. 
 
 " He has our secrets," said Cheyenne gloomily. 
 
 " Let s get to work," said Macnooder. " You can 
 bet Tough McCarthy s on the job; his father s an 
 alderman." 
 
 At six o clock the campaign was off with a rush. 
 !At seven the head master, all unsuspecting, stepped 
 out from Foundation House, cast one fond glance at 
 the familiar school, reposing peacefuly in the twi 
 light, and departed to carry the message of in 
 creased liberty in primary education to a waiting 
 conference at Boston. Shortly after, a delegation of 
 the school faculty, who had just learned of the 
 prospective campaign, hurried over in amazed, indig 
 nant and incredulous protest. They missed the head 
 master by ten minutes but ten minutes make 
 history. 
 
 " Jiminy crickets ! " 
 
 " Suffering Moses ! "
 
 294 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 "Call Hickey!" 
 
 "Tell Hickey!" 
 
 " Hickey, stick your head out of the window ! " 
 
 Hickey, slumbering peacefully, in that choicest 
 period between the rising bell and breakfast, leaped 
 to the middle of the floor at the uproar that sud 
 denly resounded through the Dickinson. 
 
 He thrust his head out of the window and beheld 
 from the upper stories of the Griswold an immense 
 white sheet sagging in the breeze, displaying in 
 crude red-flannel letters the following device: 
 
 NO APRON-STRINGS FOR US 
 
 THE FEDERAL PARTY 
 
 WILL FIGHT TO THE END 
 
 FACULTY USURPATION 
 
 Hardly had his blinking eyes become accustomed 
 to the sight when a fresh uproar broke out on the 
 other side of the Dickinson. 
 
 "HullyGee!" 
 
 " Look at the Kennedy ! " 
 
 " Great cats and little kittens ! " 
 
 " Snakes alive ! " 
 
 " Look at the Kennedy, will you ! " 
 
 " Hickey, oh you, Hickey ! "
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 295 
 
 At the sound of Macnooder s voice in distress, 
 Hickey realised the situation was serious and rushed 
 across the hall. He found Macnooder with stern and 
 belligerent gaze fixed out of the window. From the 
 Kennedy House another banner insolently displayed 
 this amazing proclamation : 
 
 DOWN WITH THE GOO-GOOS 
 LAWRENCEVILLE SHALL NOT BE 
 
 A KINDERGARTEN. 
 
 RALLY TO THE FEDERALISTS AND 
 
 DOWN THE DICKINSON GOO-GOOS 
 
 Hickey looked at Macnooder. Macnooder looked 
 at Hickey. 
 
 " Goo-Goo," said Hickey, grieved. 
 
 " Goo-Goo," repeated Doc sadly. " Goo-Goo 
 and Apron-strings. Hickey, my boy, we have got 
 to be up and doing." 
 
 " Doc," said Hickey, " that s Tough McCarthy s 
 work. We never ought to have let him get away 
 from us." 
 
 "Hickey, we must nail the lie," said Doc sol 
 emnly. 
 
 " The Executive Committee of the Anti-Fed party 
 will meet in my rooms," said Hickey determinedly,
 
 296 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " directly after first recitation. We have been 
 caught napping by a gang of ballot staffers, but we 
 will come back Doc, we will come back ! " 
 
 The Executive Committee met with stern and 
 angry resolve, like battling football players between 
 the halves of a desperate game. 
 
 " Fellows," said Hickey, " while we have slept 
 the enemy has been busy. We are muts, and the 
 original pie-faced mut is yours truly." 
 
 " No, Hickey, if there s going to be a competition 
 for muts," said Cheyenne Baxter, " I m the blue rib 
 bon." 
 
 " Before we bestow any more bouquets," said Mac- 
 nooder sarcastically, " let s examine the situation. 
 Let s see the worst. The Feds have the jump on us. 
 They ve raised the cry of Apron-strings on us, and 
 it s going to be a mighty hard one to meet." 
 
 " We ll never answer it," said the gloomy Egg 
 head ; " we re beaten now. It s a rotten issue and a 
 rotten game." 
 
 At this moment the Gutter Pup rushed in like a 
 white fuzzy dog, his eyes bulging with importance 
 as he delivered the bombshell, that Crazy Opdyke 
 had organised a Mugwump party and carried the 
 Cleve House for it.
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 297 
 
 " No." 
 
 " A Mugwump party ! " 
 
 " What the deuce is he up to? " 
 
 "Order," said Hi-ckey, stilling the tumult with a 
 shoe vigorously applied to a wash-basin. " This 
 meeting is not a bunch of undertakers. We are here 
 to save the party." 
 
 " Rickey s right," said Turkey ; " let s get down 
 to business." 
 
 " First," said Hickey, " let s have reports. What 
 has Treasurer Macnooder to report ? " 
 
 The Mark Hanna of the campaign rose, tightened 
 his belt, adjusted his glasses, and announced amid 
 cheers that the Finance Committee had to report 
 sixty-two dollars and forty cents in promissory notes, 
 twelve dollars and thirty-eight cents in cash, three 
 tennis rackets, two jerseys, one dozen caps, a bull s- 
 eye lantern (loaned) and a Flobert rifle. 
 
 " We can always have a banquet, even if we re 
 beaten," said the Triumphant Egghead. The gloom 
 began to dissipate. 
 
 "What has the Honourable Gutter Pup to re 
 port ? " said Cheyenne Baxter. 
 
 The Rocky Mountain Gazelle proudly announced 
 the establishment of a thorough system of espionage,
 
 298 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 through the corrupting of Mr. Klondike Jackson, 
 the coloured gentleman who waited on the table at the 
 Kennedy, and Mr. Alcibiades Bonaparte, who shook 
 up the beds at the Griswold. He likewise reported 
 that young Muskrat Foster, who was not overpopu- 
 lar at the Davis House, had perceived the great 
 truths of Anti-Federalism. He then presented a bill 
 of two dollars and forty-five cents for the corrupting 
 of the Messrs. Jackson and Bonaparte, with an ad 
 dition of fifty cents for the further contaminating 
 of young Muskrat Foster. 
 
 " The Honourable Wash Simmons will report," 
 said Cheyenne Baxter. 
 
 " Fellows," said Wash, " I ain t no silver-tongued 
 orator, and all I ve got to say is that Butsey White, 
 down at the Green House, is most sensible to the 
 honour of representing this great and glorious party 
 of moral ideas, as congressman from the second 
 form, but " 
 
 " But what ? " said Slugger Jones. 
 
 " But he kind of fears that the other members of 
 the Green House aren t quite up on Anti-Federalism, 
 and he reckons it will take quite a little literature 
 to educate them." 
 
 " Literature? " said Cheyenne, mystified.
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 299 
 
 " About eight volumes," said Wash. " Eight 
 green-backed pieces of literature! " 
 
 " The robber ! " 
 
 " Why, that s corruption." 
 
 " Gentlemen," said Cheyenne, rapping for order, 
 "the question is, does he get the literature? Ayes 
 or noes." 
 
 " I protest," interrupted Hickey. " Remember, 
 gents, this is a campaign for clean politics. We 
 will not buy votes, no ! we will only encourage local 
 enterprises. The Green is trying to fit themselves 
 out for the baseball season. I suggest contributing 
 toward a catcher s mit and a mask, and letting it go 
 at that." 
 
 On the announcement of a unanimous vote, the 
 Honourable Wash Simmons departed to encourage 
 local enterprises. 
 
 " And now, fellows," said Hickey, " we come to 
 the serious proposition the real business of the 
 meeting. We have got to treat with Crazy Op- 
 dyke." 
 
 "Never!" 
 
 " Macnooder must sacrifice himself," said Hickey. 
 "Am I right, Cheyenne?" 
 
 " You are," said Cheyenne. " The campaign has
 
 300 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 reached a serious stage. The Upper, the Kennedy, 
 the Griswold, the Davis, are already Fed ; the Rouse 
 will go next. Even if we get the Green, we re lost 
 if the Cleve goes against us, and Crazy is just hold 
 ing out to make terms." 
 
 "We have misjudged Crazy," said Hiekey; "his 
 record was against him, but we have misjudged him. 
 He s been the only live one in the bunch. Now we ve 
 got to meet his terms. 
 
 The door opened and Crazy Opdyke sauntered in. 
 
 " Hello, fellows," he drawled. " How s the cam 
 paign going? Are you satisfied with your prog 
 ress? " He stretched languidly into an armchair. 
 " Am I still welcome in the home of great moral 
 ideas?" 
 
 " Crazy, our feelings for you are both of sorrow 
 and of affection," said Cheyenne, conciliatingly. 
 " You certainly are a boss politician. What s this 
 new wrinkle of yours over in the Cleve ? " 
 
 " I ve been amusing myself," said Crazy with a 
 drawl, " organising the Mugwumps, the intelligent 
 and independent vote, the balance of power, you know, 
 the party that doesn t heel to any boss, but votes 
 according to its, to its " 
 
 " To its what, Crazy ? " said Hiekey, gently.
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 301 
 
 " To its conscience," replied Crazy firmly. " To 
 its conscience, when its conscience is intelligently 
 approached." 
 
 "Oh, you re for sale, are you?" said Turkey 
 aggressively. 
 
 " No, Turkey, no-o-o ! And yet we ve organised 
 the Blocks of Five Marching Club ; rather significant, 
 eh?" 
 
 " Well, what s your game ; what have you come 
 for? 
 
 " Oh, just to be friendly," said Crazy, rising 
 languidly. 
 
 "Stop," said Hickey. "Sit down. Let s have 
 a few words." 
 
 Crazy slouched back, sunk into the armchair and 
 assumed a listening position. 
 
 " Crazy," said Hickey, " we ve made a mistake. 
 We didn t know you. You are the surprise of the 
 campaign. We apologise. We are merely ama 
 teurs; you are the only original, professional poli 
 tician." 
 
 " This is very gratifying," said Crazy, without a 
 blush. 
 
 " Crazy, from this moment," said Hickey, firmly, 
 " you are the treasurer of the Campaign Committee,
 
 808 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 and we re listening for any words of wisdom you 
 have ready to uncork." 
 
 " No, Hickey, no," said Crazy, rising amid gen 
 eral dismay, " I no longer hanker to be a treasurer. 
 It was just a passing fancy. Independence is better 
 and more profitable; I appreciate your kind offer, 
 I do appreciate it, Hickey, but I m a Mugwump; I 
 couldn t wear a dog-collar, I couldn t ! " 
 
 " Sit down again, Crazy," said Hickey, persua-, 
 sively ; " sit down. It s a pleasure to talk with 
 you. You re right ; your independent and intelli 
 gent nature would be thrown away in a matter of 
 books and figures. We ve been looking round for a 
 fearless, upright, popular and eloquent figure to 
 stand for the Cleve, and, Crazy, we re just aching to 
 have you step up into the frame." 
 
 " Hickey, you mistake me, you mistake me and 
 my motives," said Crazy, sadly. " My soul does not 
 hanker for personal glorification or the flattery of 
 the multitude. I m a child of nature, Hickey, and 
 my ambitions are few and simple." 
 
 " It s right to have ambitions, Crazy," said 
 Hickey, soothingly, " and they don t need to be few 
 or simple. We regret that we cannot honour your 
 eminent qualities as we wish to, but we still have
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 303 
 
 hopes, Crazy, that we may have the benefit of your 
 guiding hand." 
 
 "Guiding hand?" said Crazy, looking at the 
 ceiling. 
 
 " Exactly," said Hickey, magnanimously ; " in 
 fact, I realise how unworthy I am to fill the great 
 position of trust and responsibility of vice-chairman 
 of this committee, and I long to see it in the 
 hands " 
 
 " I thought you said guiding hand," said Crazy, 
 interrupting. 
 
 The assembled committee looked in amazement at 
 Crazy. Then the storm broke out. 
 
 " Why, you insolent, impudent pup ! " 
 
 " Do you think we ll make you chairman ? " 
 
 "Kick him out!" 
 
 " Rough-house ! " 
 
 " Order ! " cried Cheyenne. " Crazy, out with it. 
 You want to be chairman, don t you ? " 
 
 " Have I made any demands ? " said Crazy, coolly. 
 
 " Come now yes or no ! " 
 
 " Are you handing it to me? " 
 
 A fresh storm of indignation was interrupted by 
 the sudden tumultuous reappearance of Wash Sim 
 mons, shouting:
 
 304 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " Fellows, Butsey White and the Green have sold 
 out to the Mugwumps!" 
 
 Crazy Opdyke sat down again. 
 
 A long silence succeeded. Then Cheyenne Baxter, 
 mutely interrogating every glance, rose and said : 
 
 " Crazy, you win. The chairmanship is yours. 
 Will you take it on a silver platter or with a bouquet 
 of roses ? " 
 
 That evening, when Hickey went to report to 
 Ernest Garrison Baldwin, he found that civic re 
 former in a somewhat perturbed condition. 
 
 " I m afraid, Hicks," he said dubiously, " that 
 the campaign is getting a wrong emphasis. It seems 
 to me that those Federalist banners are not only in 
 questionable taste, but show a frivolous and trifling 
 attitude toward this great opportunity." 
 
 " It s just the humour of the campaign, sir," 
 said Hickey reassuringly ; " I wouldn t take them 
 seriously." 
 
 " Another thing, Hicks; I m rather surprised 
 that the management of the campaign does not seem 
 to be in the hands of the very representative com 
 mittee you originally selected." 
 
 " Yes, sir," said Hickey ; " we realise that ; but 
 we re making a change in our party at least which
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 305 
 
 will please you. Opdyke is going to take con 
 trol." 
 
 " Indeed ! That is reassuring ; that is a guar 
 antee on your side, at least, of a dignified, honourable 
 canvass. * 
 
 "Oh, yes, sir," said Hickey. 
 
 He left gravely and scampered across the campus. 
 Suddenly from the Woodhull Toots Cortell s trumpet 
 squeaked out. At the same moment the first Anti- 
 Fed banner was flung out, thus conceived: 
 
 TURN THE ROBBERS OUT 
 
 NO MORE GRAFTING 
 
 NO MORE GOUGING THE UNDER FORMERS 
 FACULTY SUPERVISION MEANS 
 
 SAVING TO THE POCKET 
 OUT WITH THE BLACKMAILERS 
 
 The astute and professional hand of the Honour 
 able Crazy Opdyke was felt at once. The Anti-Fed 
 party, while still advocating faculty control of the 
 athletic finances for purposes of efficiency and econ 
 omy, now shifted the ground by a series of brilliant 
 strokes. 
 
 The third day of the campaign had hardly opened 
 when the four fusion houses displayed prominently 
 the following proclamation:
 
 306 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 ECONOMY AND JIGGERS 
 FACULTY MANAGEMENT OF THE FINANCES 
 
 MEANS RIGID ECONOMY 
 PROTECTION OF THE WEAK 
 FROM THE TYRANNY OF THE TAX GATHERER 
 
 EQUITABLE PRO-RATA 
 
 LEVYING OF CONTRIBUTIONS 
 
 ECONOMY MEANS MORE JIGGERS 
 
 MORE JIGGERS MEANS 
 
 MORE HAPPINESS FOR THE GREATER NUMBER 
 VOTE FOR THE FATTER POCKETBOOK 
 
 Hardly had this argument to the universal appe 
 tite been posted before the Feds retorted by posting 
 a proclamation : 
 
 FACULTY PLOT 
 
 EVIDENCE IS PILING UP THAT THE 
 PRESENT POLITICAL CAMPAIGN IS A 
 HUGE FACULTY CONSPIRACY TO DE 
 PRIVE THE SCHOOL OF ITS LIBERTIES 
 BY UNDERGROUND DARK-LANTERN 
 METHODS, WHERE IT DOES NOT DARE 
 
 TO ATTEMPT IT OPENLY 
 THE APRON-STRINGS ARE IN POSSES 
 SION OF A GIGANTIC CORRUPTION 
 FUND WHO IS PUTTING UP? 
 
 When this attack became public the Anti-Feds were 
 in deep deliberation, planning a descent on the 
 Hamill House. The news of the outrageous charge
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 307 
 
 was borne to the conference by Hungry Smeed, with 
 tears in his eyes. 
 
 " Crazy," said Doc, " we must meet the charge, 
 now, at once." 
 
 There was a chorus of assent. 
 
 " We will," said Crazy, diving into his pocket 
 and producing a wad of paper. " This is what I ve 
 had up my sleeve from the beginning. This is the 
 greatest state paper ever conceived." 
 
 " Let s have it," said Hickey, and Crazy proudly 
 read: 
 
 THE FULL PROGRAMME 
 
 The Campaign of Slander and Villification Instituted 
 by Tough McCarthy and His Myrmidons Will Not De 
 ceive the Intelligent and Independent Voter. Anti-Fed 
 eralist Candidates Only Are the Defendants of the Liber 
 ties of the School. 
 
 Anti-Fed. Candidates Stand Solemnly Pledged to Work 
 For Increased Privileges. 
 
 ACCESS TO THE JIGGER-SHOP AT ALL TIMES 
 
 REMOVING THE LIMIT ON WEEKLY ALLOWANCES 
 
 ABOLITION OF THE HATEFUL COMPULSORY 
 
 BATH SYSTEM 
 
 BETTER FOOD MORE FOOD 
 
 REGULATION OF SINKERS AND SCRAG-BIRDS 
 
 ESTABLISHMENT OF TWO SLEIGHING HOLIDAYS 
 
 CUSHIONED SEATS FOR CHAPEL
 
 308 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 When this momentous declaration of principles was 
 read there was an appalled silence, while Crazy, in 
 the centre of the admiring circle, grew perceptibly. 
 
 Then a shriek burst out and Crazy was smothered 
 in the arms of the regenerated Anti-Feds. 
 
 " Crazy will be President of the United States," 
 said Turkey admiringly. 
 
 "Wonderful!" 
 
 " The bathroom plank will win us fifty votes." 
 
 " And what about the jigger vote? " 
 
 At this moment an egg passed rapidly through 
 the open window and spread itself on the wall, while 
 across the campus the figure of Mucker Reilly of the 
 Kennedy was seen zigzagging for safety, with his 
 thumb vulgarly applied to his nose. 
 
 The Executive Committee gazed at the wall, 
 watching the yellow desecration gradually trickling 
 into a map of South America. 
 
 " This means the end of argument," said Chey 
 enne sadly. " The campaign from now on will be 
 bitter." 
 
 " If the appeal to force is going to be made," 
 said Crazy, applying a towel, "we shall endeavour 
 Doc, shut the window we shall endeavour to 
 meet it."
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 309 
 
 " We have now a chance," said Egghead, bright 
 ening, " to prove that we are not Goo-Goos." 
 
 " Egghead, you are both intelligent and comfort 
 ing," said Hickey. " The first thing is to corner 
 the egg market." 
 
 " The Finance Committee," said Crazy wrathfully, 
 " is empowered to buy, beg or borrow every egg, 
 every squashy apple, every mushy tomato that can be 
 detected and run down. From now on we shall wage 
 a vigorous campaign." 
 
 The publication of the Anti-Fed programme 
 roused the party cohorts to cheers and song. The 
 panicky Feds strove desperately to turn the tide with 
 the following warning: 
 
 HA! HA! 
 
 IT WON T DO! 
 
 WE KNOW THE HAND! 
 
 Don t Be Deceived. Hickey is the Sheep in Wolf s 
 Clothing. Stung to the Quick by Our Detection of the 
 Criminal Alliance Between the Anti-Feds and the Faculty, 
 Hickey, the King of the Goo-Goos, is Trying to Bleat Like 
 a Wolf. It Won t Do! They Cannot Dodge the Issue. 
 Stand Firm. Lawrenceville Must Not Be Made Into a 
 Kindergarten.
 
 310 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 But this could not stem the rising wave. The 
 Hamill House turned its back on Federalism and 
 , threw in its lot with the foes of compulsory bath. 
 Just before supper the Anti-Feds were roused to 
 frenzy by the astounding news that the little Rouse 
 House, isolated though it was from the rest of the 
 school and under the very wing of the Davis, had 
 declared Anti-Fed, for the love of combat that 
 burned in its heroic band led by the redoubtable 
 Charley De Soto and Scrapper Morrissey. 
 
 With the declaration of the different houses the 
 first stage of the campaign ended. By supper every 
 house was on a military footing and the dove of 
 peace was hastening toward the horizon. 
 
 That night Mr. Baldwin waited in vain for the 
 report of Hickey, waited and wondered. For the 
 first time Baldwin, the enthusiast, began to be a 
 little apprehensive of the forces he had unchained. 
 
 A little later Mr. Baronson chose to pay him a 
 visit. 
 
 " Well, Baldwin, what news ? " he said, drily. 
 " Thoroughly satisfied with your new course in 
 political education ? " 
 
 " Why, the boys seem to take to it with enthusi-
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 311 
 
 asm," said Baldwin rather dubiously. " I think 
 they re thoroughly interested." 
 
 " Interested? Yes quite so. By the way, Bald 
 win," Baronson stopped a moment and scanned his 
 young subordinate with pitying knowledge, " I m 
 going to retire for the night. If I had a cyclone 
 cellar I d move to it. I put you in charge of the 
 house. If any attempt is made to set it on fire or 
 dynamite it, go out and argue gently with the boys, 
 and above all, impress upon them that they are the 
 hope of the country and must set a standard. Rea 
 son with them, Baldwin, and above all, appeal to 
 their better natures. Good-night." 
 
 Baldwin did not answer. He stood meditatively 
 gazing out the window. From the Dickinson and 
 the Kennedy magic lanterns were flashing campaign 
 slogans on white sheets suspended at opposite houses. 
 The uproar of cat-calls and hoots that accompanied 
 the exhibitions left small reason to hope that they 
 were couched in that clear, reasoning style which 
 would uplift future American politics. 
 
 As he looked, from the Upper House the indignant 
 and now thoroughly aroused fourth form started 
 to parade with torch-lights and transparencies.
 
 312 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 Presently the winding procession, clothed in super 
 imposed night shirts, arrived with hideous clamour. 
 Dangling from a pole were two grotesque figures 
 stuffed with straw and decked with aprons ; over 
 head was the inscription, " Kings of the Goo-Goos," 
 and one was labelled Hickey and one was labelled 
 Brother. Opposite his window they halted and 
 chanted in soft unison: 
 
 Hush, hush, tread softty, 
 Hush, hush, make no noise, 
 Baldwin is the King of the Goo-Goos, 
 Let him sleep, 
 Let him sleep. 
 Shouted: LET HIM SLEEP!!! 
 
 Then the transparencies succeeded one another, 
 bobbing over the rolling current of indignant seniors. 
 
 BACK TO THE KINDERGARTEN! 
 
 WE WANT NO BROTHERLY LOVE! 
 
 GOOD-BYE, BALDWIN! GOOD-BYE! 
 
 Baldwin drew down the shade and stepped from 
 the window. He heard a familiar step in the cor 
 ridor, and quickly locked the door. Baronson 
 knocked; then he knocked again; after which he 
 moved away, chuckling. 
 
 When the fourth form procession arrived on its
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 313 
 
 tour around the circle the Dickinsonians were pre 
 pared to welcome it. Crazy Opdyke, head of the 
 literary bureau, stood by the lantern directing the 
 proclamations to be flashed on the sheet that hung 
 from the opposite house. 
 
 Hickey and Macnooder posted the orators at 
 strategic windows, supplying them with compressed 
 arguments in the form of eggs and soft apples. 
 
 " All ready ? " said Opdyke as Hickey returned, 
 chuckling. 
 
 " Ready and willing," said Hickey. 
 
 " Here they come," said the Big Man. 
 
 "Is the Kennedy and the Woodhull with them?" 
 asked Hickey. 
 
 " Sure, they re trailing on behind," said Turkey. 
 
 A yell of defiance burst from the head of the pro 
 cession as it reached the headquarters of the enemy. 
 
 " Start the literature," said Crazy. 
 
 Egghead, at the lantern, slipped in the first slides, 
 flashing them on the opposite sheet. 
 
 IT S ALL OVER, BOYS 
 FEDERALISM IS IN THE SOUP 
 
 FEDERALISTS 
 
 THE UPPER HOUSE MYRMIDONS 
 THE DAVIS JAYHAWKERS
 
 314 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 THE WOODHULL SORE HEADS 
 THE KENNEDY MUCKERS 
 
 ANTI-FEDERALISTS 
 
 THE ROUSE INVINCIBLES 
 
 THE CLEVE INDEPENDENTS 
 
 THE GRISWOLD INTELLECTUALS 
 
 THE GREEN MUGWUMPS 
 THE DICKINSON SCHOLARS 
 THE HAMILL MISSIONARIES 
 GOOD-BYE, FEDS! GOOD-BYE! 
 
 " Now for a few personal references," said Crazy, 
 smiling happily at the howls that greeted his first 
 effort. " Egghead, shove them right along." 
 
 Another series was put forth: 
 
 WHY, WOODHULL, DID WE STEAL 
 
 YOUR ICE CREAM? 
 IS TOUGH MCCARTHY S GANG OF 
 
 BALLOT-STUFFERS WITH YOU? 
 WE ARE NOT FOURTH-FORM PUPPY 
 
 DOGS 
 
 HELLO, TOUGH, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO 
 BE A PUPPY DOG? 
 
 " What are they shouting now ? " said Hickey, 
 peering over at the turbulent chaos below. 
 
 " They are re-questing us to come out ! " said the 
 Egghead. 
 
 The night was filled with the shrieks of the helpless 
 Feds. 
 
 "Come out!"
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 315 
 
 " We dare you to come out ! " 
 " Come out, you Dickinson Goo-Goos." 
 " Why, they re really getting excited," said 
 Hickey. " They re hopping right up and down." 
 "We will give them a declaration of principles," 
 said Crazy. " Egghead, give them the principles ; 
 Hickey, notify the orators to prepare the compressed 
 arguments. The word is BIFF. " 
 
 Hickey went tumbling upstairs; the Egghead de 
 livered the new series. 
 
 WHY, FEDS, DON T GET PEEVISH 
 THIS IS AN ORDERLY CAMPAIGN 
 
 A QUIET, ORDERLY CAMPAIGN 
 
 REMEMBER, WE MUST UPLIFT THE 
 
 NATION 
 
 Outside, the chorus of hoots and cat-calls gave way 
 to a steady rhythmic chant: 
 
 GOO-GOOS, GOO-GOOS, GOO-GOOS! 
 
 "How unjust!" said Crazy, sadly. "We must 
 clear ourselves; we must nail the lie in a quiet, 
 orderly way ! Let her go, Egghead ; Cheyenne, give 
 Hickey the cue." 
 
 On the sheet suddenly flashed out : 
 
 WE ARE GOO-GOOS, ARE WE? BIFF 1 
 
 At the same moment, from a dozen windows de-
 
 316 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 scended a terrific broadside of middle-aged eggs, as 
 sorted vegetables and squashy fruit. 
 
 The Federalist forces, utterly off their guard, 
 dripping with egg and tomato, vanished like a heap 
 of leaves before a whirlwind, while from the Anti- 
 Federalist houses exultant shrieks of victory burst 
 forth. 
 
 " If we are to be called Goo-Goos," said Crazy, 
 proudly, " we have, at least, made Goo-Goo a term of 
 honour." 
 
 " To-morrow should be a very critical day in the 
 campaign," said Macnooder, pensively. 
 
 " I suggest that on account of the uncertain state 
 of the weather," said Hickey, wisely, " that all win 
 dow-blinds should be closed and locked." 
 
 "I think," said Cheyenne, "that we had better 
 march to chapel in close formation." 
 
 " Are there any more arguments left ? " said 
 Crazy. 
 
 " Quite a number." 
 
 " They must be delivered to-night," said Crazy, 
 firmly. " No egg shall be allowed to spoil in this 
 house." 
 
 At eleven o clock that night, as the head master sat
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 317 
 
 in his room in distant Boston, giving the last touches 
 to the address which he had prepared for the fol 
 lowing day on the " Experiment of Self -Government 
 and Increased Individual Responsibility in Primary 
 Education," the following telegram was handed to 
 him: 
 
 Come back instantly. School in state of anarchy. 
 Rioting and pillaging unchecked. Another day may be 
 too late. Baldwin s course in political education. 
 
 BAKONSOK. 
 
 When the Doctor, after a night s precipitous 
 travel, drove on to the campus he had left picturesque 
 and peaceful but a few days before, he could hardly 
 believe his eyes. The circle of houses was stained 
 and spotted with the marks of hundreds of eggs and 
 the softer vegetables. From almost every upper 
 window a banner (often ripped to shreds) or a mu 
 tilated proclamation was displayed. Proclamations 
 blossomed on every tree, couched in vitriolic lan 
 guage. Two large groups of embattled boys, bear 
 ing strange banners, were converging across the 
 campus, with haggard, hysterical faces, fists clenched 
 and muscles strung in nervous tension, waiting the 
 shock of the approaching clash.
 
 318 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 The Doctor sprang from the buggy and advanced 
 toward chapel with determined, angry strides. At 
 the sight of the familiar figure a swift change went 
 over the two armies, on the point of flying at each 
 other s throats. The most bloodthirsty suddenly 
 quailed, the most martial scowls gave place to looks 
 of innocence. In the twinkling of an eye every ban 
 ner had disappeared, and the two armies, breaking 
 formation, went meekly and fearfully into chapel. 
 
 The Doctor from his rostrum looked down upon 
 the school. Under his fierce examination every 
 glance fell to the hymn-book. 
 
 " Young gentlemen of the Lawrenceville School, I 
 will say just one word," began the head master. 
 " This political campaign will STOP, NOW, AT 
 ONCEl" He paused at the spectacle of row on 
 row of blooming eyes and gory features, and, de 
 spite himself, his lips twitched. 
 
 In an instant the first ranks began to titter, then a 
 roar of laughter went up from the pent-up, hysteri 
 cal boys. They laughed until they sobbed, for the 
 first time aware of the ridiculousness of the situation. 
 Then as the Doctor, wisely refraining from further 
 discourse, dismissed them, they swayed out on the 
 campus where the Davis fell into the arms of the
 
 POLITICAL EDUCATION OF BALDWIN 319 
 
 Dickinson, and Fed and Anti-Fed rolled with laugh 
 ter on the ground. 
 
 When Hickey, that afternoon, brazenly sought out 
 Mr. Baldwin, a certain staccato note in the greeting 
 caused a dozen careful phrases to die on his tongue. 
 
 " Don t hesitate, Hicks," said Baldwin, smiling 
 coldly. 
 
 " I came, sir," said Hicks, looking down, " I came 
 that is, I Mr. Baldwin, sir, I m sorry it turned 
 out such a failure." 
 
 " Of course, Hicks," said Baldwin, softly, * of 
 course. Jt must be a great disappointment to you. 
 But it is not a failure, Hicks. On the contrary, it 
 has been a great success this campaign of educa 
 tion. I have learned greatly. By the way, Hicks, 
 kindly announce to the class that I shall change my 
 method of hearing recitations. I have a new system 
 based on the latest discoveries in the laws of prob 
 ability. Announce also an examination for to-mor 
 row." 
 
 " To-morrow ? " said Hickey, astounded. 
 
 " On the review in the interest of education my 
 education. Don t look down, Hicks I cherish no 
 resentment against ycxu none at all." 
 
 " Against me ? " said Hickey, aggrieved.
 
 320 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 " My feelings are of gratitude and affection only. 
 You harve been the teacher and I the scholar 
 
 but " He paused and surveyed the persecuted 
 
 Hicks with the smile of the anaconda for the canary, 
 " but, Hicks, my boy, whatever else may be the 
 indifference of the masters toward your education, 
 when you leave Lawrenceville you will not be weak 
 in mathematics."
 
 THE MARTYRDOM OF WILLIAM HICKS 
 
 HICKEY had now reached the height of his fame. In 
 toxicated by success, he forgot all prudence, or 
 rather his revolt became an appetite that demanded 
 constant feeding. He no longer concealed his past 
 exploits, he even went so far as to announce the 
 escapades he planned. 
 
 "You are running your head into the noose, 
 Hickey, my boy," said Macnooder, sadly ; " every 
 master in the school has got his eye on you." 
 
 321
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS RICKEY 
 
 " I know it," said Hickey proudly, " but they ve 
 got to catch me." 
 
 " Your position is different," objected Macnooder, 
 " now you are suspected. And do you want me to 
 tell you the truth? Your trick about the clappers 
 was too clever. If you could imagine that, you were 
 at the bottom of other things. That s what the 
 Doctor will say to himself when he thinks it over." 
 
 " The Doctor plays square," retorted Hickey ; 
 " he won t do anything on suspicion. Let him try 
 and catch me, let them all try. If they get me fair 
 and square, I ll take my punishment. I say, Doc, 
 just you wait. I ve got something up my sleeve 
 that ll make them all sit up." 
 
 " Good Lord ! " said the Egghead, who was of the 
 party, " you don t mean you re going on ? " 
 
 " Egghead," said Hickey, impressively, " I ve 
 made up my mind that I just can t live without doing 
 one thing more ! " 
 
 " Heavens, Hickey ! what now ? " 
 
 " I ve got a craving, Egghead, to sleep in Tabby s 
 bed." 
 
 "No!" 
 
 " Fact." 
 
 " What do you mean ? "
 
 MARTYRDOM OF WILLIAM HICKS 323 
 
 " Just that. I intend to sleep, not just pop in 
 and out, to sleep two hours in Tabby s nice, white, 
 little bed." 
 
 " Gee whiz, Hickey ! When ? " 
 
 " Some night that s coming pretty soon." 
 
 "When Tabby s away " 
 
 " No, sir, when Tabby s here after Tabby him 
 self has been in it. After that I m going to get 
 back at Big Brother." 
 
 " You re crazy ! " 
 
 " I m backing my feelings." 
 
 "You ll bet on it?" 
 
 " As much as you want." 
 
 The scornful Egghead, thus provoked, offered ten 
 to one against him. Hickey accepted at once. 
 
 During the day the news spread and the bets came 
 flying in. As to his plans, Hickey preserved a 
 cloaked mystery, promising only that the feat should 
 take place within the fortnight. 
 
 Each night toward midnight, he slipped out of 
 Sawtelle s window (Sawtelle being sworn to deadly 
 secrecy). He remained out an hour, sometimes two, 
 and came back sleepy and chuckling. About this 
 time the report began to spread that burglars were 
 in the vicinity.
 
 324 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 The Gutter Pup, who roomed on the first floor 
 of the Woodhull, took a solemn oath that having been 
 waked up by a strange scratching noise at his win 
 dow, he had seen four masked figures with bull s- 
 eye lanterns scurrying away. The next report came 
 from Davis with added picturesqueness. The school 
 became wrought up to an extraordinary pitch of ex 
 citement in which even the masters joined after a 
 period of incredulity. 
 
 When the proper stage of frenzy arrived, Hickey 
 took into his confidence a dozen allies. 
 
 At exactly two o clock on a moonless night, Beauty 
 Sawtelle, waiting, watch in hand, gave a horrid shriek 
 and sent a baseball bat crashing through his win 
 dow, where he afterward swore four masked faces 
 had glared in on him. At the same time the Egg 
 head raised his window and emptied a revolver into 
 the air, shouting: 
 
 " Thieves, thieves, there they go ! " 
 
 Immediately every waiting boy sprang out of bed 
 armed with revolvers, shot-guns, brickbats, Japanese 
 swords and what not, and rushed downstairs, shout 
 ing: 
 
 "Stop thief!" 
 
 Mr. Tapping, startled from his slumbers by the
 
 MARTYRDOM OF WILLIAM HICKS 325 
 
 uproar, seized a bird-gun and, guided by Hungry 
 Smeed and the Red Dog, rushed out of doors and 
 valorously took the lead of the searching party. By 
 this time the racket had spread about the campus 
 and boys in flimsy garments, ludicrously armed, 
 came pouring out the other houses and joined the 
 wild hunt for the masked marauders. Suddenly, 
 from the direction of Foundation House, a series of 
 shots exploded amid yells of excitement. At once 
 the mass that had been churning in the middle of the 
 campus, set off with a rush. The cry went up that 
 the burglars had been discovered and were fleeing 
 down the road to Trenton. Five minutes later the 
 campus was silent, as boys and masters swept along 
 the highway, their cries growing fainter in the dis 
 tance. 
 
 Meanwhile, Hickey had not lost a second. Hardly 
 had Mr. Tapping s pink pajamas rushed from the 
 Dickinson, when Hickey, entering the study, locked 
 the door and set to work. In a jiffy he had the 
 mattress and bedclothes out the window, down into 
 the waiting hands of Macnooder and the Egghead, 
 who piled them on a ready wheelbarrow. In less 
 than five minutes the iron bedstead, separated into 
 its four component parts, followed. The whole,
 
 326 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 packed on the wheelbarrow, was hastily rushed into 
 the darkness by the rollicking three. According 
 to the plan, Hickey directed them past Memorial and 
 into the baseball cage, where, by the light of the 
 indispensable dark-lantern, they put the bed to 
 gether, placed on it the bedding, and saw Hickey 
 crawl blissfully under cover. 
 
 When Mr. Tapping returned after an hour s 
 fruitless pursuit down the dusty road, it had begun 
 to dawn upon him, in common with other athletic 
 members of the faculty, that he had been hoaxed. 
 Mr. Tapping was very sensitive to his dignity, and 
 dignity was exceedingly difficult in pajamas, in the 
 chill of a night with a ridiculous bird-gun over his 
 shoulder and an assorted lot of semi-bare savages 
 chuckling about him. Tired, covered with dust, and 
 sheepish, he returned to the Dickinson, gave orders 
 for every one to return to his room and wearily 
 toiled up to seek his comfortable bed. 
 
 The vacancy that greeted his eyes left him abso 
 lutely incredulous, then beside himself with rage. If 
 on that moment he could have laid his hands on 
 Hickey, he would have done him bodily injury. 
 That Hickey was the perpetrator of this new out-
 
 MARTYRDOM OF WILLIAM HICKS 327 
 
 rage, as of the previous ones, he never for a mo 
 ment doubted. His instinct needed no proofs, and 
 in such enmities the instinct is strong. He went 
 directly to Hickey s room, finding it, as he had ex 
 pected, empty. He sat there half an hour, an hour, 
 fruitlessly. Then he made the rounds of the house 
 and returned to the room, seated himself, folded his 
 arms violently, set his teeth and prepared to wait. 
 He heard four o clock strike, then five, and he began 
 to nod. He rose, shook himself, returned to his seat 
 and presently fell asleep, and in this condition 
 Hickey, returning, found him. 
 
 The bell rang six, and Mr. Tapping, starting up 
 guiltily, glanced hastily at the bed and assured him 
 self thankfully that it was empty. Moreover, con 
 clusive evidence, the counterpane had not been turned 
 down, so Hickey had not gone to bed at all. 
 
 By prodigies of will power he remained awake, 
 consoled by the fact that he held at last the evi 
 dence needed to debarrass himself of his tor 
 mentor. At seven o clock the gym bell rang the 
 rising hour. Mr. Tapping rose triumphant. Sud 
 denly he stopped and looked down in horror. Some- 
 thing had moved under the bed. The next moment
 
 328 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 Hickey s face appeared under the skirts of the trail 
 ing bedspread Hickey s face, a mirror of sleepy 
 amazement, as he innocently asked : 
 
 <l Why, Mr. Tapping, what is the matter? " 
 " Hicks ! " exclaimed Mr. Tapping, too astounded 
 to gather his thoughts, " is that you, Hicks ? " 
 "Yes, sir." 
 
 " What are you doing under there ? " 
 " Please sir," said Hickey, " I m troubled with in 
 somnia and sometimes this is the only way I can 
 sleep." 
 
 At two o clock Hickey was a second time summoned 
 to Foundation House. He went in perfect faith. 
 Nothing had miscarried, there was not the slightest 
 evidence against him. If he was questioned he would 
 refuse to answer that was all. It had been a morn 
 ing of exquisite triumph for him. Tabby s bed had 
 not been discovered until ten o clock, and the trans 
 feral to the Dickinson, made in full daylight, had 
 been witnessed by the assembled school. He went 
 across the campus, light of feet and proud of heart, 
 aware of the scores of discreetly admiring eyes that 
 followed him, hearing pleasantly the murmurs which 
 buzzed after him :
 
 MARTYRDOM OF WILLIAM HICKS 329 
 
 " Oh, you prodigious Hickey oh, you daredevil ! " 
 
 Of course, the Doctor would be in a towering 
 rage. Hickey was not unreasonable, he understood 
 and expected a natural exhibition of vexation. What 
 could the Doctor do, after all? Ask him questions 
 which he would refuse to answer that was all, but 
 that was not evidence. 
 
 He found the Doctor alone, quietly writing at 
 his desk, and received a smile and an invitation to be 
 seated. Somehow the tranquillity of the head mas 
 ter s attitude did not reassure Hickey. He would 
 have preferred a little more agitation, but this sat 
 isfied calm was disquieting. 
 
 He stood with his hands behind his back, twirling 
 his cap, studying the photographs of Grecian archi 
 tecture on the walls, finding it awfully still and wish 
 ing the Doctor would begin. 
 
 Presently the Doctor turned, put down his spec 
 tacles, shoved back from the desk and glanced at 
 Hickey with a smile, saying: 
 
 " Well, Hicks, we re going to let you go." 
 
 " Beg your pardon, sir," said Hickey, smiling 
 frankly back, " you said " 
 
 " We re going to let you take a vacation." 
 
 "Me?"
 
 330 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 "You." 
 
 Hickey stood a long moment, open-mouthed, star 
 ing. 
 
 " Do you mean to say," he said, at last, with an 
 effort, " that I am expelled? " 
 
 " Not expelled," said the Doctor, suavely, " we 
 don t like that word ; we re going to let you go, that s 
 all." 
 
 "For what reason?" said Hickey, defiantly. 
 
 "For no reason at all," answered the Doctor, 
 smoothly. " There is no reason, there can be no 
 reason, Hicks. We re just naturally going to make 
 up our minds to part with you. You see, Hicks," 
 he continued, tilting back and gazing reminiscently 
 at the ceiling, " we ve had a rather agitated session 
 here, rather extraordinary. The trouble seems to 
 have broken out in the Dickinson about the time of 
 the little surprise party at which Mr. Tapping did 
 not assist! Then a few days later our chapel serv 
 ice was disturbed and our janitor put to consider 
 able trouble ; next the school routine was thrown into 
 confusion by the removal of the clapper. We passed 
 a very disagreeable period much confusion, very 
 little study, and the nerves of the faculty were thrown 
 into such a state that even you, Hicks, were sus-
 
 p 
 
 , 
 
 3 - 
 S B 
 
 it 
 
 ^
 
 MARTYRDOM OF WILLIAM HICKS 535 
 
 pected. Then there was the political campaign, a 
 subject too painful to analyse. Last night we lost 
 a great deal of sleep and sleep is most necessary 
 to the growing boy. All these events have followed 
 with great regularity, and while they have not lacked 
 in picturesqueness, we have, we fear, been forget 
 ting the main object of our life here to study a 
 little." 
 
 " Doctor, I " broke in Hickey. 
 
 " No, Hicks, you misunderstand me," said the Doc 
 tor, reproachfully. " All this is true, but that is not 
 why we are going to let you go. We are going to 
 let you go, Hicks, for a much more conscientious 
 reason ; we re parting with you, Hicks, because we 
 feel we no longer have anything to teach you." 
 
 " Doctor, I d like to know," began Hickey, with 
 a great lump in his throat. Then he stopped and 
 looked at the floor. He knew his hour had sounded. 
 
 " Hicks, we part in sorrow," said the Doctor, 
 " but we have the greatest faith in your career. We 
 expect in a few years to claim you as one of our 
 foremost alumni. Perhaps some day you will give 
 us a library which we will name after you. No, don t 
 be disheartened. We have the greatest admiration 
 for your talents, admiration and respect. Anyone
 
 THE PRODIGIOUS HICKEY 
 
 who can persuade two hundred and fifty keen-eyed 
 Lawrenceville boys to pay one dollar apiece for sil 
 ver gilt scrap-iron souvenirs worth eleven cents 
 apiece because they may or may not be genuine bits 
 of a stolen clapper anyone who can do that is 
 needed in the commercial development of our coun 
 try." 
 
 " Doctor, do you do you call this justice? " said 
 Hickey, with tears in his voice. 
 
 " No," said the Doctor, frankly, " I -call it a 
 display of force. You see, Hicks, you ve beaten us 
 at every point, and so all we can do is to let you 
 go." 
 
 " I ll hire a lawyer," said Hicks, brokenly. 
 
 " I thought you would," said the Doctor, " only 
 I hope you will be easy on us, Hicks, for we haven t 
 much money for damage suits." 
 
 " Then I m to be fired," said Hickey, forcing back 
 the tears, " fired just for nothing ! " 
 
 "Just for nothing, Hicks," assented the Doctor, 
 rising to close the painful interview, " and, Hicks, 
 as one last favour, we would like to request that it 
 be by the evening train. We have lost a great deal 
 of sleep lately." 
 
 " Just for nothing," repeated Hickey, hoarsely.
 
 MARTYRDOM OF WILLIAM HICKS 335 
 
 " Just for nothing," replied the Doctor, as he 
 closed the door. 
 
 At six o clock, in the midst of indignant hundreds, 
 Hickey climbed to the top of the stage, where his 
 trunks had already been deposited. Nothing could 
 comfort him, neither the roaring cheers that echoed 
 again and again to his name, nor the hundreds of 
 silent hand-shakes or muttered vows to continue the 
 good fight. His spirit was broken. All was dark 
 before him. Neither right nor justice existed in the 
 world. 
 
 Egghead and Macnooder, visibly affected, reached 
 up for the last hand-shakes. 
 
 " Keep a stiff upper lip, old man," said the Egg 
 head. 
 
 " Don t you worry, Hickey, old boy," said Mac 
 nooder ; " we ll attend to Tabby." 
 
 Then Hickey, bitterly, from the caverns of his 
 heart, spoke, raising his fist toward Tabby s study 
 window. 
 
 " He hadn t any proof," he said, brokenly, " no 
 proof damn him ! "
 
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