The Minor Drama No!! w, 50.6 N61 UCS3 LIDRARY THE MINOR DRAMA THE ACTING EDITION. No. CXVL N 0!! AN OPERETTA, IN ONE ACT, TO WHICH ARE ADDED A Description of the Costume Cast of the Characters Entrances and Exits Kelative Positions of the Performers on the Stage, and the whole of the Stage Business. AS PERFORMED AT THB PRINCIPAL THEATRES IN THE UNITED STATES. NEW YORK: SAMUEL FRENCH, 122 NASSAU STREET, (Up SrAiBg.) 8 . . ? i * - BJSI ei . o o s Sol o - 2* - o . , _ ft --4 H K M tt # S * a <><1 Heavens ! Deb. That she lias there joined a certain young man that they converse some minutes, and when she arrives first, she runs to a cer- tain vase, arid Mar. Silence, dear nurse, for mercy's sake. Deb. Fresh air: fresh fiddlesticks ! Come, come, you see I know all about it : and so he hasn't been here, this morning. Mar. Disguise with you is fruitless; yet, as I wish to be guided in all ailairs. by t'ne superior discernment and good sense of my dear nurse. \c sisinr/.] tell me what you really think of Mr. Frederick. Deb. Mr. Frederick, forsooth ; well, then, I think Mr. Frederick is full of grace, spirit, and politeness. Mm-. [Warmly.] And his heart, nurse, his heart ? Deb, Oh, that's your affair but this I know, that his uncle, Com- 4 no! modore Hurricane, lias done all the ladies cf the family a great favor, in sending so sweet a young man to enter the world, under the care of my master, Sir George Doubtful. Mar. Yes, five months under the same roof the habits of seeing him daily his attentions 1 mean his merit that is Deb. Aye, aye, I know what you mean ; I have traveled the same road before you but why has he not declared himself to Sir George, or to ray lady, your sister 1 M.ir. Dependant upon his uncle, he dared not, until assured of his consent, and till certain of that, to render iny sister favorable to our union, Frederick pays her the most assiduous attention. Deb. Yes, indeed, till Sir George, who is as jealous as a tiger, with- out wishing to appear so, is ready to cut his own throat, and Mr. ink's into the bargain. .!/,*/-. We have settled, moreover, that in public, we should appear i i liiL'reut to each other; nay, almost dislike one another, a little bit. Deb. But in private Mir. Why, nurse, as you said just now Dsb. Well! Eh! what! Mil'. That's my affair. Deb. Ah, you little rogue ! Well, fear not old Deborah your se- cret is safe with me, but should you meet Mr. Frederick, tell him not to bo too attentive to my lady, or whilst he gains the interest of the wife, he may Jose that of the husband. [Exit, i*. H., MARIA, R. H. SONG. MARIA. [Introduced.] Enter SIR GEOBGE, followed by ANDUBW, 2 E. L. u. Sir G. Cease your questions, and obey me. Order my horses, as I have business which calls me hence. And. But, dear Sir, at this early hour Sir G. S'death ! will you obey my orders or not 1 And. Oh, certainly, Sir George. [Crosses, R. n.J The very devil's i:i him this morning. [Exit, L. H. Sir G. Would to heaven I had never taken charge of this boy, this Frederick and how to refuse so old a friend as his uncle, I knew not; I have every confidence in my wife's principles ; yes yes, every con- fidence ; but she is young not to say that I am old : no no, by no means. I am rather at that j>eriod which every woman of sense would prefer ; but then she is certainly young, and the mark'd attentions of this boy Enter FREDERICK, hastily, L. H., with a letter, which he conceals on seeing SIR GEORGE. Who's there ! Fred. Sir George, the devil ! Sir G. A letter ! by heavens he conceals it ! Why so early prepared for riding, Frederick 1 Fred. A letter from my uncle, sir, which, when you have read, yor will perceive stop, I have so many letters [Searching for it. Sir G. Is not that it 1 [Pointing to the one in his NO! 5 Fred. No no, that s not it ; here it is. [Gives him another SIR Q. reads it.] Should I not be able to get lid of Sir George, what will be- iMinrt <>!' my letter ? >'// G. The letter is like my friend, brief and impetuous: but why U' in such a passion about telling you to marry 1 ? Fred. I'erhaps he foresees I shall oppose his wishes. G. Oppose his wishes ; what, when the heart is free 1 F !'.!.. Yes, sir ; but suppose the heart should not be free 1 Kir G. Indeed! should that be the case, young gentleman, con- si'li'!-i:iLj you are under my charge, I should be aware of the object of your love. Fred. Why to speak sincerely you are the last person to whom I should wish to disclose it. Sir G. I believe you, upon my soul : but if you are resolved upon disobedience to vour uncle, why not avoid ruin by remaining at the Hall '< Fred. My dear sir, you are yet to know the Commodore : did I not s-A! . him. he'd quickly discover me : and besides I owe him some re- -L am his heir. [Crosses to R. u. >'/; <}. But you will not quit the Hall without taking leave of her ladyship, and Fred. Do you think her ladyship likes me 1 ! >'(/ G. Upon my soul, sir, I Fred. Do you know, I have the greatest desire to make myself ag'Ciuble to her. Fir G. Pleasant intelligence. Fre/l. I must delay no longer, but do not be uneasy at my absence, I sli ill settle my uncle, and this hateful marriage once put off, I return to quit you no more. Sir (}. How sir, quit us no more ? Fred. Quit a spot, where I have pass'd such blissful hours with you, with l;er ladyship, with but I shall betray myself: farewell, dear Sir George, and keep my secret. Sir G. Why, sir, you have'nt told me yet. Fred. Indeed, so much the better ; perhaps it would not meet your approbation, so once more farewell. [Exit, R. H. >'// G. Yes, my gay spark, farewell and for some time, too, if my letter to your uncle takes effect. It must be my lady he alludes to; le has seen no other female here, but Maria, and she, with that dis- rimination which marks her character, detests him will scarcely weak to him ; yes yes, 'tis my lady. [Looks off R. u.] But, who comes ere so cautiously thro' the shrubbery 1 As 1 live. Frederick's valet, >ud bearing a letter, too; he seems fearful of observation; 'tis resol- *fl should it make me unhappy for life, I must, I will penetrate this tu/s.',?ry. [Conceals himself behind first w. L. u. Yi'.'.t-r ^MART, cautiously, with a letter ; crosses to L. H. looks out. R,^^.-t. No one observes me ! Sir. v What is he about 1 \. that's that 7 Oh, its on'y a bird in the bush I suppose. 6 > < ! My master must have been an awk\\ LI d fellow, not to be able to (It, ct'ivf the observation of Sir George. s'jV (/'. Jtcroive me ! Smart. And force me to retrace my steps, and all for a stupid love letter. Sir G. Love letter, so, so. Smart. Let me see vase 1, 2, 3, [crossesto n. n.,fuUcwed In/ K:u G., who hides behind R. H. wing,} or near it, is a whimsical po-t ti-uely, to be left until called for, I suppose. [Sm G.mak' Eh! what's that? Oh, another bird, I suppose: aye, all's riL now having Uvken care of No. 3, I think I had better take e;u < of No. 1 . [fait, K. n. Sir G. [Advances cautiously, and takes the letter. ] Now then, to know my fate no address cautious "My dear love ! ' his dear love ; I depart without being able to tell you, that my uncle wishes to marry me, and has commanded me to go to him; but be comforted, dcpei.d upon my eternal constancy, on our mutual vows." Mutual vows! Traitors ! " I would join you at our customary morning meeting. Inn this note, which informs you of the reasons of my failure, also as- mvs you I shall return this evening. " More than ever your devoted and passionately attached " FREDERICK." " Postscript. Take care of Sir George ; notwithstanding all our caution, I have every reason to believe he has other views concerning you." Quite correct ; I have other views for her ; this evening shall com- plete them. I will pretend business of moment calls me hence, and suddenly returning, satisfy all my doubts forever: but in the interim, should my gay spark return, in hopes to profit by my absence. 1 will bind my family by a promise that shall frustrate his most ardent so- licitations. But see, my lady comes let me be cautious. Enter LADY DOUBTFUL, MARIA and ANDREW L. H. 2 E. Lady D. Good morning, dear Sir George, you see I participate in your rural tastes, for hearing you have been enjoying this beautiful morning since sunrise, I have ordered breakfast to be prepared here. Sir G. True, I wished, before my departure Lady D. Departure ! what, are we to lose all our beaux ? they tell me Frederick has just left us. Mar. Frederick gone ! Sir G. 'Tis true, he parted from me a few minutes ago. Lady D. And without taking leave [Looks at MAEIA. ir G. When a young man is going to be married Mar. Married ! Lady D. Married ! Sir (L Married ! yes my pretty sister, though you dislike him, Fred- erick has the power to make himself agreeable to others. Lady D. Poor Maria ! this is indeed a blow to her, for say as she will. I know she loves him, perfidious wretch f Sir G. Yesterday, I believe Frederick knew not of his uncle's inten wo! 7 tions, but this morning a pressing letter, offering a splendid alliance, so enchanted the giddy boy, that notwithstanding all my exertions, he was off like a rocket. Mar. False false Frederick ! [Aside. Lady D. Oh ! man ! man ! like 'em all [SiR GEORGE has come closeto LADY D. noticingher; she turns short, surprised.] SirGcorge 1 Sir Cf. Eh! Oh! [Seeing the servants placing breakfast.] Let's tci breakfast. [During the above, four servants have brought on breaJcfast and ar- ranged it in, the centre. Lady D. Willing, my dear Sir George, I can read in that wise coun- tenance of yours, a little project, which you are busily forming ; some Sir G. Can you have perceived it 1 Lady D. To be sure I have : you men are such clever creatures. But conic, are you not thinking of some little surprise for me 1 Sir G. Why I must confess but it's only a whim a Lady D. Do, sir : my dear Sir George, pray indulge me, I am so fond of whims. Sir G. Well, then, do you know that I cannot persuade myself, that you would be able, during my absence, that is from now till four o'clock, servants and all, to answer only one word, to all who may present themselves at the gate. Lady D. A: id is this a very terrible word 1 Sir G. One that ie.v women have said seriously, twice running, in their live-. Lady I). Indeed ; let's hear it. Sir G. Now tell me, can you, during my absence, answer all visi- tors with a dry conscientious, No! Omnes. No ! Sir G. N< ! lAidy D. How ridiculous : [Aside.] ah, my poor dear jealous hus- band, you shall pay for this. And pray, if we all consent to limit our sweet tongues, what is to be our reward ? Sir G. Choose. Lady D. Grant me the first request I make after the clock strikes four, and give fifty pounds among the servants. Sir G. Agreed; but if you lose? Lady D. I pay the fifty pounds, and grant any request that you may make. Sir G. Agreed ; and to my carriage, and remember Omnes. No! [Exit SIR G., c. Gate servants clear table and go off n. E. L. H. Lady D. Poor girl ; there she stands, the very picture of melan- choly : but away with reserve, and let me effect a cure ; let me force her to avow the love I have so long suspected ; Maria ! Maria ! my dear, Mar. Ah, sister, Sir George is gone, then 1 Lady D. Yes but I shall see him soon again. Mar. True you will soon see him again. [Sighs.] Lady D. Mercy on us, what a sigh does my happiness then dis trc-ss v. Why, I scarcely know what to think of a sister who re- fiis .- mi- her confidence, and sooner than trust me with the secret of her heart, pines in private. Mur. What im-an you 1 /..''// l>. Tnat there exists a charming tho' faithless mortal in tlie wo. lil. who after having excited a lively and tender interest, has, per- haps Mar. Your ladyship is in error : I will not pretend to misunder- stand, but so far from any tender interest, I detest the very name of the man you allude to. Lady I). Detest ! poor creature ! past cure, I suspect ; detest ! Mar. Yes, detest ! hate ! abominate him ! Lady D. Bless me, how very indifferent he must be to you ; and yet. your emotion on hearing of his marriage Mar. Oh, dear sister, no emotion at all not the least ; a slight momentary indisposition, but no emotion. Enter DEBORAH and ANDREW, L. n., quarrelling. Lady D. Bless me, good people, what is the cause of this quarrel- Hug'? [Crosses to them. And. Why, my lady, my wife has taken one of her fits of contradic- tion, and won't conform to Sir George's, wishes. Deb. No, I won't ; if you ask me a thousand times, I say No ! And. There now, that's all we want. Deb. What's all you want 1 And. No no no ! a thousand times, no ! Deb. Indeed, my lady, I can't do it; I never said no in all my life and I'm not going to begin at my years. Lady D. Indeed, then the fifty pounds Sir George was to give to the servants, in case of their obedience, will be lost. Deb. Fifty pounds ! why. man, you never told me that. And. You never gave me time. Lady D. May we now depend upon you 1 Deb. Oh, I'll be choked before I say yes. [DEB. and AND. go up. Lady D. That's right, anything rather than yes. And now, my dear sister, if you have subdued the momentary indisposition, let us to the Hall, prepare for the adventures of the day, and fashion our lips to the pronunciation of this awful monosyllable No ! [Exit, with MARIA, L. H. Deb. Well, I've made the promise, and odd's my life, I hope I shall keio it. And Oh, never fear: come, I'll try you: suppose a handsome voua< man was to approach you, and say, Mrs. Deborah, you are charmhig to-day, allow me to print a gentle kiss on those fair lips : what would you answer 1 Deb. Yes, of course. And. Yes, Mrs. NO! 9 Deb. No no no ! I meant to say no, but the force of habit, you know And. Force of habit, indeed ! Deb, Yes. Suppose Peter come to you, and said, Andrew, your wife's gone out, will you come to the Cat and Bagpipes and take a drop : what would you answer 1 And. Yes, certainly. Deb. Yes. Mr " And. Oh, no no no ! I meant to say no, but the force of habit, you know. [COMMODORE speaks without. Deb. Dear me, what's that 1 And. As I am an honest man, it's my master's old friend, Commo- dore Hurricane ! here'll be a storm. Enter COMMODORE, c. gate. Com. Well, here I am safe in port, at last. Ah ! Mrs. Deborah, good morning to you: [down c.] and you my good old friend have you en- joye.l your health since I left 7 'And. No! Com. The devil ; so much the worse, my old boy. But you Deb- orah, look as well as ever, and still have the same liking for your old friend the Commodore 1 Deb. No ! Com. Well, that's fair and above board, at any rate ; but hark ye, can I have some breakfast "2 And. No ! Com. No ! why, you old lubber, do you know who I am 7 And. No ! Com. Tell me, is that old fool mad 1 Deb. No! Com. Oh, that I had you on board the Thunderbolt. Is Sir George at home 1 A nd. No ! Cam. My nephew 7 Deb. No"! Com The ladies 7 And. No! Com. What, all out 7 Both. No! Com. By the lord Harry, they're mad mad from the topsail yard to the mizen top half yards. I'll give 'em one chance more. I sup- pose you don't forget that I always give you a couple of guineas when I come 1 [Pulls out a purse. Both. [Delighted.] No! Com. Will you take them now 7 f Feels purse. Both. [Dejected.] No! Com. You couple of provoking, tantalizing old devils : clear the decks, or I'll be athwart your hawsers in the twist of a handspike : \ltaises his cane; they run off 2 B. is. H.] I'll get some other answer than no ! I'm determined, or I'll blow Sir George and his house to 10 NO! the devil, [fine? to gate and rings violently. Three SERVANTS en- />,-. '1 !:. i,. ii. ,J (Hi, here comes a change of wind at last: come here Thomas you're au honest fellow. No! ( 'i,,n. [l\,iocict him down.} Do you like that, you rascal 1 Tk' mi. NO! Com. Now, gentlemen, after that example, will either of you darr to say no 1 All the Sen: No ! Cbm. You infernal pack of scoundrels, take that and that [Beats the servants around the stage ; they exit R.H. SIR G. enters C. Gate and nearly receives a blow.] So, Sir George, at last I have found you. Sir G. My dear Commodore, I am delighted to see you. Com. Thank heaven he has'iit said no. Pray proceed, Sir George, you speak Intelligibly'. Sir G. Intelligibly ! what do you mean, Commodore 7 Com. Indeed, Sir George, I scarcely know what I mean : I receive a 11 tier from you, stating your suspicions that my scrapegrace of a nnphew has fallen in love with your lady ; I desire his Immediate at- tendance ; he neglects my orders. I come here to seek him, and all your servants treat me with the most infernal impertinence. Sir G. Can it be possible 1 Com. I ask them if they are in health No ! Sir G. That's charming. Com. I offer money to drink my health No ! Sir G. Delightful ! Com. Is your master at home ? No ! Sir G. Excellent. Com. Why, damme, you're as mad as any of 'em : I at last beggod to know if I was welcome and the answer was Sir G. No ! Com. I'll be damn'd if it was'nt. S'. No! Fred. [Kneels to LADY D.] Thus, then, a grateful lover pours our his thanks. [Sm OKORGE and COMMODORE rush forward. Com. Oh, you infernal rascal, are you not avillian? Sir G. Are you not an abandoned woman 7 Lady D. No! Sir G. Maria, did you not see him declare his love for my wife 7 Mar. No! Sir G. Confusion, did you not all see him at the feet of her ladyship 1 Omnes. No! Com. By the lord, you're in a glorious minority of one, the noes have it hollow. [The clock strikes four ; servants shout thrice Lady D. Fifty pounds, my dear darling jealous husband, and next your consent to the union of Frederick and Maria. Sir G. Frederick and Maria 1 Lady D. Yes, remember the bargain. Sir G. But she detests him. Lady D. Oh, that was only a temporary indisposition : you would not refuse him would you, Maria 1 Mar No ! Com. Lord help me no, again. Sir G. And your letter this morning was for Fred. Maria ! Sir G. I see, and blush for my folly. Com. Frederick, my boy, your hand : I consent to your marriage, and, [to SIR G.] in atonement for your unjust suspicions, down on your marrow bones, ask pardon of her ladyship, and pray madam, don't say no. Lady D. No ! ! FINALE. Clwrus. Hear, hear, hear, The house mast now divide, Question, question, question, The question to decide. Fred. The rule of voting well you know If not I'll here explain, The noes unto the lobby go, And all the ayes remain. Mar. On me I'm sure you'll not refuse Your voices to bestow, For when a female member sues, This house will not say no. Choiiis. No, no, no, Nem. con. 'tis^ carried quite, No, no, no, They'll not say no to-night. THE END.